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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 105,
+September 2nd, 1893, by Various
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 105, September 2nd, 1893
+
+Author: Various
+
+Editor: Sir Francis  Burnand
+
+Release Date: September 28, 2011 [EBook #37553]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, OR THE LONDON ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Malcolm Farmer, Lesley Halamek, and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Punch, or the London Charivari
+
+Volume 105, September 2nd 1893
+
+_edited by Sir Francis Burnand_
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+
+LETTERS TO ABSTRACTIONS.
+
+TO FAILURE
+
+[Illustration]
+
+_Ecce iterum!_ Well, why not? So long as I do not exanimate you with
+my letters, I remain content. Besides, I have not yet fully-developed
+all my theories. Let us, therefore, continue to chat together for a
+little.
+
+I cannot proceed for ever by the negative method. No doubt I might in
+the end, exhaust the list of those who are not your subjects, but the
+process would be long, and, I fear, tedious. No; I must come to the
+point and produce my cases. What shall we say of them, then? HOOD
+declares that--
+
+  "There is a silence where hath been no sound,
+  There is a silence where no sound may be,
+  In the cold grave, under the deep, deep sea."
+
+and so forth; doubtless you remember the sonnet. Not there, however,
+is the true silence--
+
+  "But in green ruins, in the desolate walls
+  Of antique palaces, where Man hath been,
+  Though the dun fox, or wild hyena calls,
+  And owls, that flit continually between,
+  Shriek to the echo, and the low winds moan,--
+  There the true Silence is, self-conscious and alone."
+
+As with silence, so with failure, say I. The man who has never felt
+the spur of ambition nor the intoxication of a success, who has
+travelled always upon the level tracts of an unaspiring satisfaction,
+on him, surely, failure sets no mark, and disappointment has for him
+no stings. But the poor souls who soar only to sink, who melt their
+waxen wings in the fierce heat of the sun, and fall crashing to earth,
+theirs is the lot for pity. And yet it is not well to be too sure. For
+in the eyes of the world a man may be cheated of his purpose, and yet
+gain for himself the peace, the sober, contented joy, which is more
+to him than the flaunting trophies of open success. And some clasp the
+goddess in their arms, only to wither and decay in the embrace they
+sought with so eager a passion. But I tarry, while time creeps on.
+
+From the mist of memory rises a scene. A knot of laughing Freshmen is
+gathered in the ancient Court outside the lecture-room staircase. It
+wants a minute or two to the hour. They are jesting and chaffing with
+all the delightful unconcern of emancipated youth, and their cheerful
+faces shine brighter in the October sunshine. Some thirty yards away
+from them a strange figure, in dingy cap and gown, paces wearily
+along. It is that of a prematurely aged man, his back bent, his head
+sunk upon his chest. The Freshmen begin to knock one another about;
+there is what we used to call a "rag," and one of them, seizing a
+small lump of turf, throws it at a companion. It misses him, and
+strikes the old, weary figure on the back of the neck. He totters
+forward with outstretched hands, just saves himself from falling, and
+turns round. There is a terrible, hunted, despairing look on the face,
+made more pitiful by the grey, straggling beard. The Freshman has
+darted forward with an apology. The old man mutters, half to himself,
+"What was it? Did some one call for me? I am quite alone, and I
+scarcely remember----" and then shuffles away quickly, without
+listening to the words of apology. The adventure chills the
+laughter of the young men, the clock strikes, and they vanish to the
+lecture-room.
+
+This poor, rambling, distraught wreck of a man, was all that was left
+in those days of a great and brilliant scholar, whose fame a quarter
+of a century before had been alive in the mouths of Cambridge men.
+From the moment that he entered at St. Mark's, HENRY ARKWRIGHT began
+a glorious career of prize-winning. Scholarships were to him a part
+of his daily bread. He swallowed them as other men swallow rolls for
+breakfast. A magic influence seemed to smooth for him the rough
+and rocky paths of learning. While his comrades stumbled along with
+bruised limbs, he marched with firm and triumphant step to the summit.
+And he had other advantages. He was handsome, his manner was frank
+and winning, he was an athlete of distinction, he spoke with fiery and
+epigrammatic eloquence at the Union. It is needless to add that his
+popularity was unbounded amongst his companions. He took the best
+degree of his year, and was made a Fellow of his College.
+
+There was no lack of glowing prophecies about his future. The only
+doubt was whether the Lord Chancellorship or the post of Prime
+Minister would more attract his genius. Nobody supposed that he would
+stay on at Cambridge. But he did. A few years after taking his degree
+he published a monumental edition of a Greek classic, which is still
+one of the fountain-heads of authority, even amongst the severe
+scholars of the Fatherland. And after that there was an end of him.
+Nobody quite knew what had happened to him, and as the years rolled
+on fewer and fewer cared to inquire. He went to hall, he sat silent
+in the Combination-room, he withdrew himself gradually from all
+intercourse with friends. His whole appearance changed, he became
+dishevelled, his face grew old and wrinkled, and his hair turned grey
+before his time. And thus dwindling and shrinking he had come to be
+the pitiable shadow who, as I have related, faded dismally across the
+College Court before a knot of cheerful Undergraduates on an October
+morning many years ago. What was the reason? I have often wondered.
+Did his labours over his book displace by a hair's-breadth some minute
+particle of matter in his brain? Or was there in his nature a lack
+of the genuine manly fibre, unsuspected even by himself until he felt
+himself fatally recoiling from the larger life of which the triumphs
+seemed to be within his grasp, if only he would stretch out his hand
+and seize them? I know not. Somebody once hinted that there was a
+woman at the bottom of it. There may have been, but it is a canon of
+criticism to reject the easier solution. When he died a few years ago,
+it appeared to be a shock to all but a few to remember that he had not
+died ages before.
+
+And as I write this, I am reminded, I scarce know why, of poor
+Mrs. HIGHFLYER. _Poor_ Mrs. HIGHFLYER! I hear somebody exclaim in
+astonishment. Why is she poor? Why must we pity her? Is she not rich?
+Do not the great and the titled throng to her parties during the
+London Season? Has she not entertained Princes in the country? What
+lot can be more enviable? Granted, I reply, as to the riches and
+the parties. But can it be seriously supposed that a life spent in
+a feverish struggle for recognition, its days and nights devoted
+to schemes for social advancement, to little plots by which Lady
+MOTTLING, the wife of the millionaire Member of Parliament, shall be
+out-witted; or Mrs. FURBER, the wife of the returned Australian, shall
+be made to pale her ineffectual fires; to conspiracies which shall
+end in a higher rung of the giddy ladder of party-giving ambition--can
+such a life, I ask, with all its petty miseries, its desperations,
+its snubs, and its successes no less perilous than desperation, be
+considered an enviable one? Ask Mrs. HIGHFLYER herself. Visit that
+poor lady, as she is laying her parallels for her tenth attempt
+to capture some stout and red-faced royalty for her dance or her
+country-house, and see for yourself how she feels. She may bear aloft
+a smiling face, but there is unhappiness in her heart, and all her
+glories are as nothing to her, because she has read in the _Weekly
+Treadmill_ that Lady MOTTLING'S latest party was attended by a Royal
+Duke, two Ambassadors, and a Kamtchatkan Chieftain. There is failure
+in the meanest shape. Was I right to pity her?
+
+Are there not, moreover, critics and literary celebrities who----but I
+dare too much, my pen refuses its office, so tremendous is the subject
+on which I have rashly entered. And with that, farewell.
+
+  D. R.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+EFFEMINACY OF THE AGE.
+
+Mr. JAMES PAYN says that "some boys are really missed at home." Well,
+_Mr. Punch_ has observed that some fond and foolish parents tog and
+tittivate their boys till they look behind like girls. But to "_miss_"
+them, as though they were maidens or barmaids is _too_ bad. To adapt
+KO-KO'S celebrated song, he would say:--
+
+  A boy may wear his hair in curls, or bear a pudding face,
+    Some mothers, as you wist, that folly can't resist!
+  Of true boy in dress and manners they may leave him scarce a trace,
+    But he never should be "missed"--he never should be "missed."
+  Maternal idiots molly-coddle little lads they own,
+  Till they're girlish in demeanour, and effeminate in tone,
+  But the _mater_ who her "TOMMY" spoils, and dresses like a guy,
+  Till he doesn't think he crickets, and has no desire to try;
+  Is a silly, weak anomaly who ought to be well hissed;
+  Boys never should be "missy," and they never should be "missed."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Mrs. R. is delighted. "My youngest niece," she says, "has lately
+become engaged to a very illegible young man."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE DIVER.
+
+(_Fragments of a Modern Parliamentary Version. A very long way after
+SCHILLER._)
+
+[Illustration]
+
+  "Oh! where is the youth or man so bold
+    To dive mid yon billowy din?
+  There's a cup of the purest (Hibernian) gold,
+    Lo! how the whirlpool has sucked it in!
+  'Tis a crown of glory, that golden cup,
+  To the venturous hand that shall bear it up!"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+  They listened, that goodly Company,
+    And were mute both squire and knight;
+  For they liked not the look of that wild (Irish) sea.
+    And they funked a fight with that maelstrom's might,
+  And a Voice, for the second time, loudly spake,
+  "Will no man dive for Ould Oireland's sake?"
+
+  But silently still they gaze and stand,
+    Till a grey-pate grand and old
+  Steps lightly forth from the shuddering band.
+    Oh, the glances that greet him are stern and cold!
+  And a whispered warning around doth pass:
+  "Now, Grand Old Diver, don't be an ass!"
+
+  And lo! as he stands on the uttermost verge,
+    He sees, in the dark seas rushing,
+  Obstructive monsters that swell and surge
+    From the depths of the muttering whirlpool rushing,
+  And their sound is the sound of hoot and hiss,
+  And they leap in foam from the black abyss.
+
+  Then quick, ere his fellows were half awake,
+    That old man grand and grey
+  Plunged headlong! Ah! it made them quake
+    As he whirled in the whirling stream away;
+  And they cried, "'Tis pity the land should suffer
+  This suicide of the Grand Old Duffer!"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+  Down! down he shot like a lightning flash!
+    When lo! from the depth of the rocky ground,
+  Did a thundering torrent to meet him dash.
+    Like a child's frail top he span around,
+  Powerless and pale; for how should he fight
+  With the _double_ stream in its banded might?
+
+  The obstructive darkness of the deep
+    Lay all beneath him, above, about;
+  And goggle-eyed monsters that made him creep,
+    Glared at him there in a menacing rout;
+  For the dismal depths of those waters dark
+  Seemed alive with the kraken, the sword-fish, the shark.
+
+  There, there they clustered in grisly swarm,
+    Curled up into many a labyrinth knot,
+  The octopus with its horrible arms,
+    And the sea-snake fierce, with a mouth like a slot;
+  And the glassy-eyed dog-fish with threatening teeth,
+  Hyena fierce of the sea beneath.
+
+  And the Grand Old Diver he felt half-choked,
+    And he mused to himself, "_Must_ I give it up?"
+  In ledge and rock-cranny he peered and poked,
+    Till he caught the glint of that golden cup
+  Hung on a rock, as though it had grown
+  In the depth which the sea-snake calls her own.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+  But see! What shines from the dark flood there
+  As a swan's soft plumage white?
+  A thin, wan face, scant, wave-washed hair,
+    And arms that move with a summer's might.
+  It is he, and lo! in his left hand high
+  He waveth the goblet exultingly!
+
+  He is breathing deep, he is gasping long,
+    As he clings to a rock--for his strength half fails.
+  "By Jove, he has got it!" yelled forth the throng,
+    "He lives! he is safe!" But he pants, he pales!
+  The Grand Old Diver the goblet grips!
+  Will he live to lift it wine-brimmed to his lips?
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: "SUNT LACHRYMAE RERUM--NOS ET MUTAMUR IN ILLIS!"
+
+_Old Adonis (gazing at his bust, which was done in the early
+Fifties)._ "AH! IT NEVER DID ME JUSTICE! AND IT GETS LESS AND LESS
+LIKE ME EVERY DAY!"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+CURE-IOUS!
+
+Saw advertisement to-day, "Wanted, a few hopeless Drunkards," from a
+person who has a new Patent Remedy for Dipsomania. Fancy that I answer
+the description. Why should I not apply? Funds rather low just at
+present, and I might get the price of a few bottles of gin out of this
+Anti-Alcoholic Enthusiast. He asks us to "apply by letter." Better to
+see if it's all a hoax or not. Shall go in person.
+
+Have just made my application. Four other inebriates had also gone
+in person. They were in the waiting-room when I arrived, in advanced
+stage of _delirium tremens_. Scandalous! All of them had fiery
+serpents coming out of their boots, too, which they set at me directly
+I appeared. What the police are about in allowing such people at large
+I cannot understand. Obliged to defend myself against the serpents.
+I believe a shindy ensued, and I was accused--most unjustly--of being
+intoxicated, whereas I had purposely abstained from taking more than
+half a bottle of neat Cognac that morning, in order to have my
+head quite clear for the interview. However, had a chat with the
+Enthusiast, who said he thought I would "do very well." Wants me to
+get a couple of "good testimonials" from my friends, saying that I
+have "really made a hopeless beast of myself for at least two years
+past." Rather awkward this, as most of my old chums refuse to see me
+now. Such is friendship!
+
+Testimonials secured at last. Had to create a slight disturbance
+outside the houses of my friends before I could get them to do what I
+wanted. When they _did_ really understand what was expected, they gave
+me the highest character for inebriety. One says that he "has good
+reason for knowing that I have not been really sober for more than
+a day at a time for the last five years." The other "willingly
+certifies" that "a more absolutely besotted specimen of gin-soddened
+humanity" it would be impossible to find. Sent the replies off to the
+Enthusiast, who returns me some of the Patent Remedy in a bottle, "to
+be taken as directed," but no money! What a swindle! Pawnbroker round
+the corner declines to advance a farthing on the Remedy. Nothing left
+but to try it!
+
+Have tried it! Awfully good stuff! Must have gin in it, I think. Leave
+off my nightly potation of spirits, and drink half the bottle instead.
+Refreshing sleep. Haven't had such a night for ages. Enthusiast calls
+to see how I am getting on. Immensely pleased. Leaves me another
+bottle of the Remedy, and--on my threatening to strike unless he gives
+me some money--half a sovereign. Get in more gin.
+
+Extraordinary thing has happened. Gin seems positively nasty to me
+now! Forced myself to drink a little. Deadly sick! There must be
+something very unwholesome about the Remedy. Pitch rest of it out of
+window.
+
+Glad to say that my taste for gin has come back. Was able to finish
+half a bottle at a sitting. Go round to Enthusiast's office, to
+tell him about dangerous effect of his alleged Remedy. He says "the
+sickness and the distaste for gin was just what he wanted to produce."
+The inhuman monster! Give him a little of my mind, and he retreats
+into an inner room, and his Clerk comes out to try and remove me from
+the premises. Curiously enough, the Clerk's front teeth all suddenly
+drop out and turn into green and red dragons, which writhe about the
+floor. Some sort of disturbance happens--believe Clerk tries to kill
+me--forget all the rest.
+
+_Later._--Appear to be in a Police cell! Why don't they shut up the
+keyhole to prevent those gamboge-coloured elephants getting through?
+Why has the Warder fifteen heads? Shall complain to the Home
+Secretary. Also shall make it hot for that Enthusiast when I get out.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE ADVENTURES OF PICKLOCK HOLES.
+
+(_By Cunnin Toil._)
+
+No. IV.--THE ESCAPE OF THE BULL-DOG.
+
+I think I have mentioned that the vast intellect of my friend HOLES
+took as great a delight in unravelling the petty complexities of some
+slight secret as in tracing back to its source the turbid torrent of a
+crime that had set all Europe ablaze. Nothing, in fact, was too small
+for this great man; he lived only to unravel; his days and nights were
+spent in deciphering criminal cryptograms. Many and many a time have I
+said to him, "HOLES, you ought to marry, and train up an offspring
+of detective marvels. It is a sin to allow such a genius as yours to
+remain unreproduced." But he only smiled at me in his calm, impassive,
+unmuscular, and unemotional manner, and put me off with some such
+phrase as, "I am wedded to my art," or, "Detection is my wife; she
+loves, honours, and _obeys_ me--qualities I could never find in a mate
+of flesh and blood." I merely mention these trifles in order to give
+my readers some further insight into the character of a remarkable
+man with whom it was my privilege to be associated on more than one
+occasion during those investigations of which the mere account has
+astonished innumerable Continents.
+
+During the early Summer of the year before last a matter of scientific
+research took me to Cambridge. It will be remembered that at that
+time an obscure disease had appeared in London, and had claimed
+many victims. Careful study had convinced me that this illness, the
+symptoms of which were sudden fear, followed by an inclination to run
+away, and ending in complete prostration, were due to the presence in
+the blood of what is now known as the Proctor Bacillus, so called
+on account of two white patches on its chest, which had all the
+appearance of the bands worn by the Proctor during the discharge of
+his unpleasant constabulary functions in the streets and purlieus of
+University towns. In order to carry on my investigations at the very
+fountainhead, as it were, I had accepted a long-standing invitation
+from my old friend Colonel the Reverend HENRY BAGNET, who not only
+commanded the Cambridge University Volunteers, but was, in addition,
+one of the most distinguished scholarly ornaments of the great College
+of St. Baldred's.
+
+On the evening to which my story relates we had dined together in the
+gorgeous mess-room which custom and the liberality of the University
+authorities have consecrated to the use of the gallant corps whose
+motto of "_Quis jaculatur scarabaeum?_" has been borne triumphantly in
+the van of many a review on the Downs of Brighton and elsewhere. The
+countless delicacies appropriate to the season, the brilliant array of
+grey uniforms, the heavy gold plate which loaded the oak side-board,
+the choice vintages of France and Germany, all these had combined with
+the clank of swords, the jingle of spurs, the emphatic military words
+of command uttered by light-hearted undergraduates, and the delightful
+semi-military, semi-clerical anecdotes of that old war-dog, Colonel
+BAGNET, to make up a memorable evening in the experience of a careworn
+medical practitioner who had left the best part of his health and his
+regulation overalls on the bloody battle-field of Tantia-Tee, in the
+Afghan jungle.
+
+Colonel BAGNET had just ordered the head mess-waiter to produce
+six more bottles of the famous "die-hard" port, laid down by his
+predecessor in the command during the great town and gown riots of
+1870. In these terrible civic disturbances the University Volunteers,
+as most men of middle age will remember, specially distinguished
+themselves by the capture and immediate execution of the truculent
+Mayor of Cambridge, who was the prime mover in the commotion. The
+wine was circulating freely, and conversation was flowing with all the
+_verve_ and _abandon_ that mark the intercourse of undergraduates with
+dons. Just as I was congratulating the Colonel on the excellence of
+his port the door opened, and a man of forbidding aspect, clothed in
+the heavy garments of a mathematical moderator, entered the mess-room.
+
+"I beg your pardon, Colonel," said the new arrival, bringing his hand
+to his college cap with an awkward imitation of the military salute.
+"I am sorry to disturb the harmony of the evening, but I have the
+Vice-Chancellor's orders to inform you that the largest and fiercest
+of our pack of bull-dogs has escaped from his kennel. I am to request
+you to send a detachment after him immediately. He was last heard
+barking on the Newmarket Road."
+
+In a moment all was confusion. Colonel BAGNET brandished an empty
+champagne bottle, and in a voice broken with emotion ordered the
+regiment to form in half-sections, an intricate man[oe]uvre, which was
+fortunately carried out without bloodshed. What might have happened
+next I know not. Everybody was dangerously excited, and it needed but
+a spark to kindle an explosion. Suddenly I heard a well-known voice
+behind me.
+
+"One moment, Colonel," said PICKLOCK HOLES, for it was none other,
+though how he had obtained an entrance I have never discovered; "you
+desire to find your lost canine assistant? I can help you, but first
+tell me why a soldier of your age and experience should insist on
+wearing a lamb's-wool undervest."
+
+The guests were speechless. Colonel BAGNET was blue with suppressed
+rage.
+
+[Illustration: "How now, Sirrah?" he replied; "how dare you insinuate
+that----"]
+
+"How now, Sirrah?" he replied; "how dare you insinuate that----"
+
+"Tush, Colonel BAGNET," said my wonderful friend, pointing to the
+furious warrior's mess-waistcoat; "it is impossible to deceive me.
+That stain of mint-sauce extending across your chest can be explained
+only on the hypothesis that you wear underclothing manufactured from
+lamb. That," he continued, smiling coldly at me, "must be obvious to
+the meanest capacity." For once in his life the Colonel had no retort
+handy.
+
+"I am at your orders," he said, shortly. "The man who can prove that
+I wear lamb's-wool when I am actually wearing silk is the man for my
+money." In another moment HOLES had organised the pursuit.
+
+"It would be as well," he remarked, "to have an accurate description
+of the animal we are in search of. He was----"
+
+Here the impatient Colonel interrupted. "A brindled bull, very deep
+in the chest, with two kinks in his tail; has lost one of his front
+teeth, and snores violently."
+
+"Quite right," said HOLES; "the description tallies."
+
+"But, HOLES," I ventured to say, "this is most extraordinary. You, who
+have never been in Cambridge before, know all the details of the dog.
+It is wonderful."
+
+HOLES waved me off with as near an approach to impatience as I have
+ever seen him exhibit. Having done this, he once more addressed the
+Colonel.
+
+"Your best plan," he said, "will be to scour the King's Parade. You
+will not find him there. Next you must visit the Esquire BEDELL, and
+thoroughly search his palace from basement to attic. The dog will not
+be there, but the search will give you several valuable clues. You
+will then proceed to the University Library, and in the fifth gallery,
+devoted to Chinese manuscripts, you will find----"
+
+As HOLES uttered these words the mathematical moderator again entered.
+"Sir," he said to the Colonel, "it was all a mistake. The dog is quite
+safe. He has never been out of his kennel."
+
+"That," said HOLES, "is exactly what I was coming to. In the fifth
+gallery, devoted to Chinese manuscripts, you will find no readers.
+Hurrying on thence, and guiding your steps by the all-pervasive odour
+of meat-fibrine biscuits, you will eventually arrive at the kennel,
+and find the dog."
+
+"Zounds! Mr. HOLES," said the admiring Colonel, in the midst of the
+laugh that followed on HOLES'S last words, "you are an astounding
+fellow." And that is why, at the last Cambridge Commencement, the
+degree of LL.D. honoris causa was conferred on PICKLOCK HOLES,
+together with a Fellowship at St. Baldred's, worth L800 a year. But my
+friend is modesty itself. "It is not," he said, "the honorary degree
+that I value half so much as the consciousness that I did my duty, and
+helped a Colonel in the hour of his need." And with these simple words
+Dr. PICKLOCK HOLES dismissed one of his finest achievements.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE LAY OF THE "ANCIENT."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+  As I sit in my chambers, old and bare,
+    That look on the busy street,
+  And hear the roar of the town below,
+    And the tramp of hurrying feet,
+  I think, as I smoke my well-worn pipe,
+    Ensconced in my old arm-chair,
+  Of the days that have passed, like the sigh of the blast,
+    When the world was fresh and fair.
+
+  Of the joyous time when I joined the inn,
+    Nearly forty years ago,
+  When the fire of youth was in my veins,
+    Where the blood now runs so slow.
+  'Twas well in that far off happy time,
+    That I could not see before,
+  When we flirted and gambled, and sometimes worked,
+    In the student days of yore.
+
+  When all was common to him in need,
+    And nothing we called our own.
+  Gone are those days, and can never return--
+    We reap the crop we have sown.
+  Each of us thought that we should succeed,
+    Though others of course might fail;
+  And we went with the tide in our youthful pride,
+    Like a ship without a sail.
+
+  Where are they now all these friends of our youth?
+    Scattered abroad o'er the earth.
+  Some few are famous and some are dead,
+    And the world knew not their worth.
+  Some, like myself, are still found in "Hall,"
+    Pitied by those we meet,
+  And who pray that their end it may never be
+    To sit in the ancients' seat.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+NO GOT!
+
+  REICHEMBERG and GOT declare
+  _La Maison de Moliere_
+  They'll resign and leave for ever.
+  Ah! SUZANNE, the sparkling, clever,
+  Long the _Comedie's_ pride and pet,
+  Don't desert your votaries--yet.
+  Try a quarter-century longer,
+  Years but make you brighter, stronger;
+  And GOT'S "go" we can't spare. No,
+  Chaos comes if GOT should go!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+PEDESTRIAN POETRY.--"_The pleasures that lie about our
+feet_"--Comfortable slippers after a long walk.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+HAUNTED!
+
+[Illustration]
+
+  The quarter where I linger,
+    My square, is Fashion's acme;
+  I'm conscious that the finger
+    Of scorn may well attack me;
+  At number six a Viscount
+    Resides, in proper season;
+  No wonder, then, that _I_ count
+    As vulgar now, with reason.
+
+  To stay in London, here too!--
+    This neighbourhood majestic!
+  Oh! what must it appear to
+    A nobleman's domestic?
+  I feel, I can't help stating,
+    Each morn I feel (it tries me),
+  His Lordship's lords-in-waiting
+    Both pity and despise me.
+
+  His blinds are drawn sedately;
+    Mine blazon low disaster;
+  How desolate, how stately,
+    That mansion mourns its master!
+  His Lordship is at Como--
+    At least so folks are saying;
+  His Lordship's Major-Domo
+    Reproaches me for staying.
+
+  But, prowling, like a Polar
+    Bear, up and down the pavement
+  Last eve, and grinding molar
+    Teeth over forced enslavement,
+  A miracle I noted,
+    A "spook," deserving quires
+  Of commentaries quoted
+    By "psychic" Mr. MYERS.
+
+  Upon his Lordship's hinges
+    Revolved his Lordship's portal,
+  Till thence, with stealthy twinges,
+    Emerged what seemed a mortal;
+  A lamp was nigh to show him,--
+    I'd not been quaffing toddy,--
+  I'm privileged to know him,--
+    It _was_--His Lordship's _Body_.
+
+  Now _if_ his Major-Domo
+    Told truth--and who can doubt him?
+  His Lordship was at Como,
+    And number six without him.
+  His Lordship, I reflected,
+    Can earthly trammels o'erstep,
+  And, "astrally projected"
+    From Como, reach his doorstep.
+
+  'Twas very odd--I know that;
+    But then the "spook"-deriding
+  Must undertake to show that
+    His Lordship was in hiding;
+  That London still detained him--
+    Him one of Britain's leaders!
+  And frank avowal pained him.--
+    Well, you must judge, my readers.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+HER SAILOR HAT.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+  Oh, AMARYLLIS, in the shade
+    Of Rotten Row, with ribbons, feather,
+  And wide-spread brim your hat is made!
+    Down by the sea, in windy weather,
+          A sailor hat,
+          So small and flat,
+    Is far more natty altogether.
+
+  Down by, or on, the waves where swim
+    The tribes which poets christen "finny,"
+  This hat might not, with narrow brim,
+    Become a spinster sear and skinny--
+          Some say "old cat"--
+          Nor one too fat,
+    Nor little brat, small piccaninny.
+
+  But, with it fixed upon your hair,
+    When breezes blow your flapping dresses,
+  You look, if possible, more fair;
+    There's one beholder who confesses
+          He dotes on that
+          Sweet sailor hat,
+    When gazing at those sweeter tresses.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+BALFOUR'S BOON.
+
+(_By an admiring M.P._)
+
+  After hours of dullard, rasper, ranter,
+  Sweet an interlude of BALFOUR'S banter!
+  JOSEPH'S venom, HARCOURT'S heavy clowning,
+  Tired us, in a sea of dulness drowning;
+  When, hillo! here is PRINCE ARTHUR chaffing
+  Mr. G. and all the House is laughing!
+  Never were such light artistic raillery,
+  Nothing spiteful, naught played to the gallery;
+  Finished fun, _ad unguem_, poignant, polished.
+  Fled fatigue, and dulness was demolished.
+  Even the great victim chortled merrily,
+  That short speech should be "selected," verily,
+  For the next edition of the _Speaker_.
+  No coarse slogger, and no crude nose-tweaker
+  Is PRINCE ARTHUR. GLADSTONE first is reckoned
+  At gay chaff, but BALFOUR'S a good second.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE EXPRESSED DIFFERENTLY.
+
+_Miss Bessy._ "WON'T _YOU_ SING SOMETHING, CAPTAIN BELSIZE?"
+
+_Captain Belsize._ "OH! I NO LONGER SING NOW. _DO_ I, MISS CAROLINE?"
+
+_Miss Caroline._ "I'M AFRAID YOU _DO_, CAPTAIN BELSIZE!"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+TRYING HER STRENGTH.
+
+    ["The one certain result of the elections will be to give
+    increased stability to the Republic."--_Daily Chronicle._]
+
+_Madame La Republique loquitur_:--
+
+  Ouf! What a pull! Who said my muscularity
+    Was dwindling? It is truly Amazonian!
+  _Ma foi!_ _Phraseurs_ are not all blessed with clarity,
+    Even when their eloquence _is_ Ciceronian.
+  How now, MILLEVOYE? How now, mad DEROULEDE?
+  And what of the grim prophecies you made?
+
+  Both out of it--as prophets and as Strong-Men!
+    Discredited, disqualified, defeated!
+  The _Rallies_ too! Results prove them the wrong men.
+    How the _Gazette de France_ has blared and bleated!
+  What lots of foes have I left in the lurch!--
+  Thanks largely to "the attitude of the Church"!
+
+  "_Clericalisme, voila l'ennemi?_" _Non!_
+    That phrase, oft-quoted, comes not now so readily.
+  Perennially beautiful as NINON,
+    I've proved my claim to power of pulling steadily;
+  Just like my rowing lads upon the Seine,
+  Who've shown big BULL that strength _can_ go with brain.
+
+  From Revolution round to firm Stability!!
+    Upon my word, I think that pull is splendid.
+  _Les dames_, long pooh-poohed, now display ability
+    To do--most things as well as ever men did.
+  Because I'm _gai_ and witty, fools--of course--
+  Fancied me destitute of sinewy force.
+
+  Ah, DELAHAYE, DRUMONT, and ANDRIEUX, verily
+    You've found the game was hardly worth the--scandal!
+  My firebrand foes played up that game right merrily;
+    Against me _anything_ would serve as handle;
+  Yet, after WILSON, Panama, (_and_ Siam),
+  They find that if there is an athlete, _I_ am.
+
+  Babblers of "British Gold," canard-concocters,
+    Reactionaries, _Rallies_, Rowdies, Royalists--
+  All who would act as my exclusive doctors--
+    You find the Voters are the real loyalists,
+  And, spite of partial failures in the past,
+  I've pulled this State Machine right round--at last!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+  BRUTUS OF BRUMMAGEM. On a "False Foe" my venom I may spend,
+  But what of my "Right Honourable Friend"?
+  Ask "the ironic fiend." He'll give an answer,
+  Neatly combining Scorpio with Cancer,
+  As "Right" I'll prove him ever in the wrong;
+  As "Honourable," trickiest of the throng;
+  While as "my friend," well there, I would not swagger,
+  But CAESAR sharpest found the "friendly" dagger!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+WORDS! WORDS! WORDS!
+
+(_By an Unpaired M.P., who has "Sat it Out."_)
+
+  M.P.'s gagged? Why, tongues have wagged
+      Seventy days, or eighty.
+  Little said on any head
+      Has been wise or weighty.
+  Gag's all hum! How shall we sum
+      Seven long weeks' oration?--
+  _Polyphrasticontinomemegalondulation!_
+
+  BARTLEY, BOWLES--loquacious souls!--
+      HANBURY and RUSSELL,
+  Have kept going, seldom "slowing"
+      In the talky tussle.
+  SAUNDERSON went sparring on,
+      JOE pursued jobation.--
+  _Polyphrasticontinomemegalondulation!_
+
+  Righteous causes, wicked clauses,
+      All meant bleats and blethers.
+  Beaming BOLTON had to moult on,
+      Gone his old Rad feathers.
+  "Yaller Jaunders" seized on SAUNDERS.
+      All drew "explanation!"--
+  _Polyphrasticontinomemegalondulation!_
+
+  Grim MACGREGOR--dogged beggar!--
+      Had "ideas"--and told them;
+  So had bores in tens and scores,
+      Why should _they_ withhold them?
+  What result from all this cult
+      Of roundaboutation?--
+  _Polyphrasticontinomemegalondulation!_
+
+  With composure I the Closure
+      Welcome--our sole saviour
+  From the gabble of the rabble,
+      And their bad behaviour.
+  The Front Benches? Well, one blenches
+      E'en from their "oration"--
+  _Polyphrasticontinomemegalondulation!_
+
+[Illustration: TRYING HER STRENGTH.
+
+MADAME LA REPUBLIQUE. "AHA!--I HAVE PULLED 'IM NOW--AT LAST!!"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE LOWER CREATION--SEEKING FOR A JOB.]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+MEETING OF THE ANTI-BIOGRAPHERS.
+
+(_From Notes supplied by Superhuman Reporters._)
+
+A meeting was recently held in the early dawn to consider "Biographies
+in General, and the lives of British Celebrities in Particular." The
+site chosen for the gathering was so indefinite, that it is impossible
+to give it accurate geographical expression. There was a large number
+of shades present, and Dr. SAMUEL JOHNSON was unanimously voted to the
+chair.
+
+The President, in thanking those who had done him the favour of thus
+honouring him, observed that, although he appreciated the compliment
+that had been bestowed upon him, he could not express any particular
+esteem for the intelligence of those who had been the cause of his
+occupying his present position. (_Laughter._) He did not understand
+the reason which had prompted merriment as a fitting recognition
+of his remarks. If they were satisfied, he was content. He had been
+called to take the chair, he supposed, because he had nothing to do
+with his own biography. That had been written by a Scottish gentleman,
+with whom he had no sympathy.
+
+Mr. BOSWELL: I hope, Sir, you do not mean what you say.
+
+The President (with great severity): Yes, Sir, I do. I think that
+the man who would write the life of another without his sanction is
+unworthy---- (_Cries of "Agreed."_) The learned Doctor continued.
+He did not wish to force his sentiments upon any one. No doubt his
+opinions were considered behind the time. Everything had changed
+nowadays, and even his Dictionary was, more or less, superseded by an
+American Lexicon. He called upon the Emperor NAPOLEON BUONAPARTE to
+move the first resolution.
+
+The Emperor NAPOLEON BUONAPARTE expressed his satisfaction that he
+should have been allowed to take the lead in this matter. It reminded
+him of old times, when he took the lead in everything. ("_Hear,
+hear._") He represented, he supposed, "Biographies in General,"--as he
+had not much sympathy with British worthies. He wished bygones to
+be bygones (_"Hear, hear"_), but he must say that the conduct of Sir
+HUDSON LOWE was---- (_Interruption._) Well, he did not wish to press
+the matter further. ("_Hear, hear._") There was no doubt that unless a
+man wrote his autobiography he was always misrepresented. (_Cheers._)
+It was high time that some control should be put upon the publication
+of the lives of those who had joined the majority. He had much
+pleasure in proposing the following resolution: "It is the opinion
+of this meeting of Shades assembled in council in Elysium that steps
+should be taken to prevent the dissemination of false information
+about their prior existences."
+
+Sir WALTER SCOTT said that it gave him great pleasure to second a
+resolution moved with such admirable discretion by his imperial and
+heroic friend the last speaker. He had the greater satisfaction in
+doing this as it might lead to a new and amended edition of his own
+"_Life of Napoleon_."
+
+A Shade, who refused to give either his name or address, begged to
+oppose the motion. In his opinion modern biographies were a great deal
+better than work of the same kind of an earlier date. ("_No, no._")
+But he said "Yes, yes." It was now quite the fashion to whitewash
+everyone. He would testify that he recently read a biography of
+himself without recognising the subject. Since then his self esteem
+had increased a hundred fold. (_Laughter._) He thought it would be a
+great mistake to interfere. They had much better leave things as they
+were.
+
+Mr. WILLIAM SHAKSPEARE (who was received with applause) asked
+permission to offer a practical suggestion. Although he was a poet,
+he was also a man of business. (_Laughter._) He spoke smarting under
+a personal grievance. It was common knowledge that only a short while
+ago the bulk of his works was declared to have been written by Bacon.
+(Cries of "_Shame._") However, it was no use to pass resolutions
+unless they could carry them into effect. He would therefore move
+an amendment to the resolution already before them, to the following
+effect: "That to carry out any arrangement that may be considered
+necessary, those present pledge themselves to subscribe a crown
+a piece." He proposed this under the impression that, granted the
+requisite funds, it would be possible to communicate with the mundane
+authorities.
+
+Sir ISAAC NEWTON had much pleasure in seconding the amendment. He
+might add, that it was quite within the resources of science to do all
+that was required. He would explain in detail how it could be done.
+
+The learned gentleman then began a lecture, with the effect that the
+meeting rapidly dissolved. After he had been speaking for an hour and
+a quarter, he discovered that he had no auditors.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+[Illustration: THE BABES IN THE WOOD.
+
+_Ernest._ "I SEE YOU ARE GETTING ON, FOREMAN."
+
+_Foreman._ "YES, SIR; WE SHALL HAVE THE WALLS PLASTERED TO-MORROW."
+
+_Agatha._ "OH, ERNEST, DON'T LET'S HAVE PLASTER! YOU NEVER SEE IT NOW;
+EVERYBODY HAS WALL-PAPERS, AND YOU CAN GET LOVELY ONES QUITE CHEAP!"]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"BALLADE JOYEUSE."
+
+(_Not by Theodore de Banville._)
+
+  Though you're pent up in town
+    While you pant for the breeze
+  Upon moorland and down,
+    For the whispers of trees,
+    And the hum of the bees
+  Winging home to the hive,
+    Drain your cup to the lees--
+  Aren't you glad you're alive?
+
+  Though you miss the renown
+    Yonder dolt wins with ease,
+  And you're mocked by the clown
+    You've a fancy to squeeze.
+    Though your blood boil and freeze
+  When folk say he will wive
+    With the maid you would please--
+  Aren't you glad you're alive?
+
+  Though with pout, or with frown,
+    Or in shrillest of keys,
+  Madam seek a new gown,
+    And no less will appease,
+    While your creditors tease,
+  Or by dozens arrive,
+    And behave like Pawnees--
+  Aren't you glad you're alive?
+
+  Though your argosies drown
+    In the deepest of seas,
+  And you lose your last crown,
+    Not to say bread and cheese;
+    Though you cough and you wheeze
+  Till you barely survive,
+    At existence don't sneeze--
+  Aren't you glad you're alive?
+
+_Envoi._
+
+  O my friends, paying fees,
+    The physicians still thrive,
+  For your motto is "spes"--
+    Aren't you glad you're alive?
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+TEA AND TWADDLE.
+
+    ["A somewhat mawkish sentimentalism, of which Germany is
+    still the fountain-head in Art, and perhaps also in
+    Letters."--_Illustrated London News, in obituary notice of
+    Professor Carl Mueller of the Duesseldorf School._]
+
+  A fountain-head--of weak and tepid tea,
+  AEsthetic catlap, "bleat"--infused Bohea!
+  A strange Pierian Spring for the stark Teuton!
+  God Ph[oe]bus cannot play the German flute on.
+  MARS-BISMARCK, TITAN-WAGNER, stalwarts these,
+  Who would not twaddle at "AEsthetic Teas;"
+  HERACLES-VIRCHOW is a valorous slayer,
+  And JOVIAN GOETHE proves a splendid stayer;
+  But the mild, mawkish, modern German muse
+  Olympian nectar will for "slops" refuse.
+  Submerged in sentimentalism utter,
+  Asked for Art-bread she proffers--Bread-and-butter!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"HEAVY MARCHING ORDER" (IN AUGUST).--"Shirt-sleeves and Sherbet."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
+
+EXTRACTED FROM
+
+THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
+
+_House of Commons, Monday, August 21._--Some excellent speaking
+to-night. SQUIRE OF MALWOOD in fine form. Opportunity made to his
+hand. With JOSEPH, friend and ally of Conservative Ministry that
+had invented and applied Guillotine Closure, indignantly protesting
+against the "gag," there was room for obvious remark. Then there was
+J. C.'s article in monthly magazine of so recent date as 1890, in
+which, in his forcible manner, he had, with circumstance, demanded
+application of gag not only to successive stages in important
+measures, but to Supply.
+
+"Oh that mine enemy would write an article in the _Nineteenth
+Century_!" exclaimed GEORGE CURZON. "Anyone could make a speech with
+such opportunity as the SQUIRE has."
+
+"Exactly," said the Member for SARK; "but perhaps they mightn't do it
+so well."
+
+Another good speech from unexpected quarter was WHITBREAD'S. WHITBREAD
+is the Serious Person of the Liberal Party. Whenever Mr. G. gets into
+difficulties on constitutional questions or points of Parliamentary
+practice, WHITBREAD solemnly marches to front, and says nothing
+particular with imposing air that carries conviction. To-day came out
+quite in new style; almost epigrammatic, certainly pointed. Quite a
+model of Parliamentary speech of the old stately, yet flexible style
+now little known.
+
+[Illustration: THE TOURIST SEASON. HOTEL BRIGANDAGE.]
+
+[Illustration: Prince Arthur the Jester]
+
+Best of all, PRINCE ARTHUR. Never heard him to greater advantage. As a
+former Leader once said, the House of Commons, above all things, likes
+to be shown sport. PRINCE ARTHUR showed the way to-night, crowded
+House merrily following. It was ticklish ground, for he was chaffing
+Mr. G. Not a good subject upon which to expend wit or satire. The
+PRINCE did it so daintily, with such light, graceful touch, such
+shining absence of acerbity, such brimming over with contagious good
+humour, that the cloud vanished from the brow of Jove. Beginning to
+listen with a frown, Mr. G. presently beamed into a laugh. As for his
+colleagues on either hand, their merriment was as unrestrained as it
+was on remoter benches. Only MUNDELLA managed to keep a Ministerial
+countenance. The play was good, but the theme too sacred to be lightly
+handled. To him, seated on the left, Mr. G. gratefully turned in
+earlier stages of the speech and whispered his scathing comment.
+MUNDELLA behaved nobly. The SOLICITOR-GENERAL, who had his share
+in the genial roasting, might roar with Homeric laughter. MUNDELLA
+gravely shook his head in response to Mr. G.'s whispered remarks.
+Fancy, however, he was grateful when Mr. G. began to laugh and the
+President of the Board of Trade was free to smile. Speech as useful
+as it was delightful. Showed to whom it may concern that venerable
+age may be criticised without discourtesy, and high position attacked
+without insolence.
+
+_Business done._--Settled that Report Stage of Home-Rule Bill shall
+close on Friday.
+
+_Wednesday._--"Mr. SPEAKER, Sir. One or two ideas occur to me." It
+was the voice of MACGREGOR uplifted from back bench, where a retiring
+disposition (he retired from medical practice some years ago) leads
+him to take his seat. Moment critical; debate long proceeding on
+Amendment moved by NAPOLEON BOLTONPARTY, which had called down on
+Imperial head a fearsome whack from hand of Mr. G.; House growing
+impatient for Division; SPEAKER risen to put question, when THE
+MACGREGOR interposed. Evidently in for long clinical lecture. Hand
+partly extended, palm downwards; eyes half closed; head thrown back,
+and the voice impressively intoned.
+
+"Mr. SPEAKER, Sir, a few ideas have occurred to me."
+
+THE MACGREGOR got no further; a shout of hilarious laughter broke
+in upon his reverie. Opened his eyes, and looked hastily round. He,
+DONALD MACGREGOR, First Prizeman in Chemistry and Surgery; Second
+Prizeman in Physiology and Midwifery; Licentiate of both the Royal
+Colleges of Physicians and of Surgeons, Edinburgh; practised at
+Penrith, Cumberland, and in London; formerly Medical Officer and
+Public Vaccinator for Penrith and district; Resident Physician at the
+Peebles Hydropathic Institute; Medical Superintendent of the Barnhill
+Hospital and Asylum, Glasgow--yes, all this, and House of Commons was
+laughing at him!
+
+"What--what," he gasped, making motion as if he would feel the
+SPEAKER'S pulse. "I don't understand. I very rarely speak; have said
+nothing before on this Bill. Now, when something occurs to me hon.
+members laugh."
+
+House touched by this appeal; generously cheered. Doctor, resuming his
+oratorical attitude, proceeded.
+
+"I think," he remarked, with hand again outstretched, eyes half
+closed, and head thrown back as before, "it was SYDNEY SMITH who said,
+When doctors differ who shall decide."
+
+The Doctor was awakened out of his oratorical trance by another shout
+of laughter. What on earth was the matter now? Perhaps if he kept
+his eyes open he would see better where the joke came in. Took the
+precaution, but had not proceeded more than two minutes before SPEAKER
+down on him; after which he thought it best to resume his seat.
+
+"I give it up, TOBY," he said; "as ASQUITH yesterday gave up that
+conundrum I put to him as to why, if repeated breaches of the
+vaccination law justify the remission of penalties, the same practice
+should not apply in case of breaches of the land laws. The House of
+Commons for pleasure, I suppose; but for "ordinary" sanity give me
+Peebles and its Hydropathic Institute."
+
+_Business done._--Report Stage of Home-Rule Bill.
+
+[Illustration: "All's well that ends well."]
+
+_Thursday._--"Been up to see Fulham," said Member for SARK, hurrying
+in just in time to miss Division. "The place fascinates me. No lions
+there, and no necessity for getting up a lamp-post; so would not
+interest GRANDOLPH. But HAYES FISHER is Member for Fulham, and he, you
+know, is the man who discovered, after (as he said) he had taken LOGAN
+by the scruff of the neck and 'so begun the scrimmage,' that Mr. G.
+was more criminally responsible for what followed 'even than LOGAN.'
+That is delightful. Fulham not to be outdone by its Member. Last night
+indignation meeting held in Town Hall to protest against conduct of
+HAYES FISHER and 'proceedings in House of Commons on Thursday, July
+27.' Hall crowded; indignation seething; gentlemen of Fulham could
+hardly contain themselves in contemplation of iniquity of a man
+who, differing from another on matter of opinion, took him by the
+coat-collar and shook him. Meeting summoned at instance of Fulham
+Liberal and Radical Association. Seemed at first that all in room were
+good Radicals. As evening advanced, presence of one or two gentlemen
+of another way of thinking manifested. One called out. 'Three cheers
+for Fisher!' and what, my TOBY, did these men of Fulham do--these
+gentlemen met in solemn conclave with avowed object of denouncing
+physical outrage and clearing fair name of Fulham from slur brought
+upon it by athletic proceedings of HAYES FISHER? Why, they up and
+at the Fisherites, with the result, as I read in the papers, 'that a
+struggle ensued, one man being seized and violently hustled from the
+Hall.' After this the meeting settled down, and unanimously passed
+a resolution expressing its condemnation of 'the disorderly and
+disgraceful scene in the House of Commons on Thursday, July 27.' Don't
+know how it strikes you. But to me that is most delightful incident in
+the day's news. Felt constrained to make pilgrimage to Fulham, to see
+a place where Member and Constituency are so rarely matched. Don't
+suppose I've missed much here?"
+
+No, nothing; just filling up time; waiting for to-morrow night, and
+Closure to come.
+
+_Business done._--None.
+
+_Friday midnight._--Report Stage Home-Rule Bill just agreed to; a
+dull evening till the last quarter of an hour, when TIM HEALY took
+the floor and thoroughly enjoyed himself. Everyone concerned, more
+especially those concerned in prolonging debate, glad it's over.
+DONALD CRAWFORD so excited at prospect of approaching holidays that
+on first Division he got into wrong Lobby; voted against one of JOHN
+MORLEY'S new Clauses, reducing Ministerial majority to 36. On two
+subsequent Divisions was carefully watched into right Lobby, and
+majority maintained at 38.
+
+_Business done._--Report Stage Home-Rule Bill passed.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+GREAT FALL IN GOVERNMENT SECURITIES.--The dropping of the Guillotine.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol.
+105, September 2nd, 1893, by Various
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, OR THE LONDON ***
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