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diff --git a/37503-h/37503-h.htm b/37503-h/37503-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5efb395 --- /dev/null +++ b/37503-h/37503-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,3655 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> +<!-- $Id: header.txt 236 2009-12-07 18:57:00Z vlsimpson $ --> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of Gammer Gurtons Needle, by Mr. S., Mr. of Art. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + +body { + margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; +} + + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; +} + +p { + margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; +} + +hr { + width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; +} + +table { + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; +} + +.pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: smaller; + text-align: right; +} /* page numbers */ + +.blockquot { + margin-left: 5%; + margin-right: 10%; +} + +.bb {border-bottom: solid 2px;} + +.bl {border-left: solid 2px;} + +.bt {border-top: solid 2px;} + +.br {border-right: solid 2px;} + +.bbox {border: solid 2px;} + +.center {text-align: center;} + +.right {text-align: right;} + +.smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + +.u {text-decoration: underline;} + +.caption {font-weight: bold;} + +/* Images */ +.figcenter { + margin: auto; + text-align: center; +} + +.figleft { + float: left; + clear: left; + margin-left: 0; + margin-bottom: 1em; + margin-top: 1em; + margin-right: 1em; + padding: 0; + text-align: center; +} + +.figright { + float: right; + clear: right; + margin-left: 1em; + margin-bottom: + 1em; + margin-top: 1em; + margin-right: 0; + padding: 0; + text-align: center; +} + +/* Poetry */ +.poem { + margin-left:10%; + margin-right:10%; + text-align: left; +} + +.poem br {display: none;} + +.poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} + +.poem span.i0 { + display: block; + margin-left: 0em; + padding-left: 3em; + text-indent: -3em; +} + +.poem span.i2 { + display: block; + margin-left: 2em; + padding-left: 3em; + text-indent: -3em; +} + +.poem span.i4 { + display: block; + margin-left: 4em; + padding-left: 3em; + text-indent: -3em; +} + + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Gammer Gurton's Needle, by Mr. S. Mr. of Art + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Gammer Gurton's Needle + +Author: Mr. S. Mr. of Art + +Release Date: September 22, 2011 [EBook #37503] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK GAMMER GURTON'S NEEDLE *** + + + + +Produced by Chris Curnow, Katie Hernandez and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive) + + + + + + +</pre> + + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 432px;"> +<img src="images/i_cover.png" width="432" height="600" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<h1>GAMMER GURTON'S +NEEDLE</h1> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 588px;"> +<img src="images/i_002.png" width="588" height="600" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="center">The Museum Dramatists</p> + +<p class="center">No. 1</p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_ii" id="Page_ii">[ii]</a></span> + +<h3>The Museum Dramatists</h3> + + +<h1>GAMMER GURTON'S +NEEDLE</h1> + +<p class="center"><i>Edited, with an Introduction, Note-Book, and Word-List.</i><br /> +<span class="smcap">By</span> JOHN S. FARMER +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_iii" id="Page_iii">[iii]</a></span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>"THE PITH AND POINT OF +THE PLAY, SIR!"</h2> + + +<p>"Gammer Gurton's Needle <i>was the first to gather the +threads of farce ... interlude, and ... school play into +a well-sustained comedy of rustic life</i> [<i>with</i>] <i>the rollicking +humour of the ... Bedlem; the pithy and saline +interchange of feminine amenities; the ... Chaucerian, +laughter,—not sensual but animal; the delight in physical +incongruity; the mediæval fondness for the grotesque. +If the situations are farcical, they ... hold together; +each scene tends towards the climax of the act, and each +act towards the dénouement. The characters are both +typical and individual; and ... the execution is an +advance because it smacks less of the academic. Gammer +Gurton carries forward the comedy of mirth.</i>"—C. +Mills Gayley, Litt.D., LL.D., Professor of the English +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_iv" id="Page_iv">[iv]</a></span>Language and Literature in the University of California.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 370px;"> +<img src="images/i_006.png" width="370" height="600" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_v" id="Page_v">[v]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 450px;"> +<img src="images/i_008.png" width="450" height="87" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + + +<h2>INTRODUCTION</h2> + + +<p>In 1782 Isaac Reed attributed <i>Gammer +Gurton's Needle</i> to a Dr. John Still, who, in +1563, was raised to the see of Bath and Wells. +His reasons for doing this are, on examination, +found to be somewhat inconclusive. It +seems that he discovered in the accounts of +Christ's College an entry referring to a play +acted at Christmas, 1567 (not 1566, as he +states), and, as this is the latest entry of the +kind occurring before 1575—the date of publication—he +inferred that it related to the +representation of <i>Gammer Gurton's Needle</i>, +which in Colwell's title-page (see facsimile on +page 1) was stated to have taken place "not +longe ago." The only Master of Arts of the +college then living whose surname began with +S, that he was able to find, was John Still, +whom he therefore confidently identified with +the "Mr. S." who is said to have written +<i>Gammer Gurton's Needle</i>.</p> + +<p>Curiously enough, another Church dignitary +has shared with Dr. Still the attributed authorship +of, as Dr. Bradley expresses it, "this very +unclerical play"—namely, Dr. John Bridges, +Dean of Salisbury and Bishop of Oxford. In<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_vi" id="Page_vi">[vi]</a></span> +narrating the personal history of these two +churchmen, let us take them in order.</p> + +<p>John Still was the only son of William Still, +Esq., of Grantham, in Lincolnshire, and was +born in or about 1543. In 1559 he matriculated +as a pensioner in Christ's College, Cambridge, +and his record, according to <i>The National Dictionary +of Biography</i>, supplemented by W. C. +Hazlitt in <i>Dodsley's Old Plays</i>, appears to have +been as follows:—B.A. in 1561-2; M.A. in +1565; D.D., 1575; Fellow, 1562; presented to +the rectory of St. Martin Outwich, London, in +1570; collated by Archbishop Parker to the +rectory of Hadleigh, in Suffolk, 1571; and appointed, +with Dr. Watts, by the primate to +whom he was chaplain, Joint-Dean of Bocking, +1572. From the deanery of Bocking he rose +to the canonry at Westminster, the mastership +of St. John's College, Cambridge, the vice-chancellorship +of the university on two occasions, +the mastership of Trinity College, Cambridge, +and finally, the bishopric of Bath and +Wells, to which last dignity he was named +1592-3. He died at the episcopal palace at +Wells, 1607-8, and was buried, on the 4th +April following, in the cathedral, where a +handsome monument was erected to his +memory. He was twice married, and left +behind him several children.</p> + +<p>John Bridges was educated at Pembroke +Hall, Cambridge, his record being:—B.A., +1556; M.A., 1560; Fellow, 1556; D.D. from +Canterbury, 1575. He spent some years in +Italy, and translated three books of Machiavelli +into English, which, however, were not +printed. This was followed by a translation<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_vii" id="Page_vii">[vii]</a></span> +of Walther's <i>175 Homilies on the Acts of the +Apostles</i> and <i>The Supremacy of Christian +Princes over all Persons throughout their +Dominions</i>. He became Dean of Salisbury in +1577, and was one of the divines appointed to +reply to Edmund Campion's <i>Ten Reasons</i>. +His most celebrated work was <i>A Defence of +the Government established in the Church of +England for Ecclesiastical Matters</i>—a monumental +work of some 1,412 pp., published in +1587, and which derives its chief interest from +the fact that it was the immediate cause of +the famous Martin Marprelate controversy. +Dr. Bridges also took part in the Hampton +Court Conference in 1603, and on February +12, 1603-4, was consecrated Bishop of Oxford +at Lambeth by Archbishop Whitgift. He officiated +at the funeral of Henry Prince of Wales +in 1612, and died at a great age in 1618.</p> + +<p>The question of authorship has, indeed, +always been, more or less, a moot point; the +same uncertainty applies also to the question +of the date of publication; and, notwithstanding +recent research and criticism, these questions +cannot even yet be said to be settled +beyond a doubt.</p> + +<p>Dr. Bradley, one of the editors of the <i>Oxford +English Dictionary</i>, has recently, in Professor +Gayley's <i>Representative English Comedies</i> +(Macmillan Co., New York, 1903), sifted the +available evidence respecting the date and +authorship of the play. I am enabled, through +the courtesy of Dr. Bradley and the permission, +readily granted, of Messrs. Macmillan and Co., +to summarise the facts and inferences which +Dr. Bradley adduces against the claims of both<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_viii" id="Page_viii">[viii]</a></span> +Dr. Still and Dr. Bridges, and those which +seem to favour the identity of Mr. S. with a +William Stevenson, who, born at Hunwick in +Durham, matriculated as a sizar in November, +1546, became B.A. in 1549-50, M.A. in 1553, +B.D. in 1560, being subsequently ordained +deacon in London in 1552, appointed prebendary +of Durham in January, 1560-1, and +who died in 1575, the year in which <i>Gammer +Gurton</i> was printed.</p> + +<p>The facts are as follows:—</p> + +<p>1. The colophon of the earliest known +edition of <i>Gammer Gurton's Needle</i> bears +date 1575. It also states that it was "played +on stage, not longe ago, in Christes Colledge +in Cambridge," and was "made by Mr. S., +Mr. of Art."</p> + +<p>2. The register of the Company of Stationers +shows that in 1562-3 Colwell (whose dates as +a printer-publisher range from 1561 to 1575) +paid 4d. for licence to print a play entitled +<i>Dyccon of Bedlam, &c.</i></p> + +<p>3. "Diccon the Bedlam" is a character in +<i>Gammer Gurton's Needle</i>, and there is a presumption +that the piece licensed to Colwell in +1562-63 was identical with that printed in 1575 +under another title; or, as an alternative, that +<i>Gammer Gurton</i> was a sequel to <i>Dyccon</i>: but +that does not affect the value of the argument, +as both would probably be by the same author.</p> + +<p>4. If <i>Gammer Gurton's Needle</i> is the play +licensed in 1563, the performance at Christ's +College must have taken place before that date, +for it was not the custom to send a play to +the press before it had been acted.</p> + +<p>5. In the academic year ending Michaelmas,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_ix" id="Page_ix">[ix]</a></span> +1563, there is no record of dramatic representation +given in the college; in 1561-62, the +accounts mention certain sums "spent at Mr. +Chatherton's playe"; in 1560-61 there is no +mention of any play; but in 1559-60 we find +two items:—"To the viales at Mr. Chatherton's +plaie, 2s. 6d."—"Spent at Mr. Stevenson's +plaie, 5s."</p> + +<p>6. Therefore, as no evidence to the contrary +has been found, it appears highly probable that +the "Mr. S." of <i>Gammer Gurton's Needle</i> was +Mr. William Stevenson, Fellow of Christ's +College from 1559 to 1561, and identical with +the person of the same name who was Fellow +of the college from 1551 to 1554, and who +appears in the bursar's accounts as the author +of a play acted in the year 1553-54.</p> + +<p>7. It is presumed that he was deprived of his +fellowship under Queen Mary, and was reinstated +under Elizabeth. Whether Stevenson's +play of 1559-60 was that given six years before, +or a new one, there is no evidence to show, but +the former supposition derives plausibility from +the fact that allusions to church matters in +<i>Gammer Gurton's Needle</i> seem to indicate a +pre-Elizabethan date for its composition. [On +this Prof. Gayley (of the University of California, +and the general editor of <i>Representative +English Comedies</i>) remarks that the reference +to the King, Act v. ii. (151c), would strengthen +the probability that the play of 1575 (and 1559-60) +was originally composed during Stevenson's +first fellowship, at any rate before the +death of Edward VI.; it might therefore be +identical with the play acted in 1553-54.]</p> + +<p>8. An objection to Stevenson's authorship of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_x" id="Page_x">[x]</a></span> +the play is the title-page of 1575 speaking of +the representation at Cambridge "not longe +ago," but Colwell had had the MS. in his +possession ever since 1563, and it is not unlikely +that the original title-page was retained +without other alteration than the change in the +name of the piece. The appearance of the title-page +(see facsimile, p. 1) suggests the possibility +that it may have been altered after +being set up; "<i>Gammer gur-/tons Nedle</i>" in +small italic may have been substituted for +<b>Diccon of| Bedlam</b> in type as large as that of the +other words in the same lines. In Colwell's +edition of Ingelend's <i>Disobedient Child</i> (printed +1560, see facsimile title-page opposite) the +title-page has the same woodcut border, but +the name of the piece is in type of the same +size as that of the preceding and following +words. As this woodcut does not occur in +any other of Colwell's publications now extant, +it seems reasonable to infer that <i>Gammer +Gurton</i> was printed long before 1575.</p> + +<p>9. Reverting now to the former attributions +of the play to Dr. Bridges and Bishop Still, it +is clear, to take the former first, that Dr. +Bridges was not "Mr. S." Further, he did +not belong to Christ's College, but to Pembroke. +These two facts make it difficult to +understand why the author of the <i>Martin Marprelate</i> +tracts should have thrice claimed for +him the authorship of this play, once in the +<i>Epistle</i> (1588) and twice in the <i>Epitome</i>. In +the first the attribution is somewhat ambiguous; +but in the others the writer evidently +believed what he stated. Dr. Bradley suggests +in explanation that as Dr. Bridges was resident<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_xi" id="Page_xi">[xi]</a></span> +at Cambridge in 1560 he may have assisted +William Stevenson in the composition or revision +of the play. [In a recent letter to the +Editor, Dr. Bradley observes, on reading this +article, that "if the arguments offered for an +Edwardian date are valid, of course Bridges +cannot have been the author, though he may +well have revised the play for its performance +in 1559-60. I suspect he was rather the sort +of man to boast of the authorship, even if his +real connection with it was slight."] "Bridges +might have written comedy in his youth." His +writings "abound in sprightly quips, often far +from dignified in tone; and his controversial +opponents complained, with some justice, of +his buffoonery."</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 369px;"> +<img src="images/i_014.png" width="369" height="600" alt="[Reduced Facsimile of Title-page of "The Disobedient +Child," from a Copy in the British Museum." title="" /> +<span class="caption">[Reduced Facsimile of Title-page of "The Disobedient +Child," from a Copy in the British Museum.]</span> +</div> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_xii" id="Page_xii">[xii]</a></span> + +<p>So far Dr. Bradley. The arguments against +Still's authorship of <i>Gammer Gurton</i>, and in +favour of that of Bridges, are stated at length +in an article by Mr. C. H. Ross in the +nineteenth volume of <i>Anglia</i> (1896). The main +contention is that "Mr. S." is a "blind" of +some sort, standing, it may be, for the last +letter, or the last syllable of the name +"Bridges." "This is," remarks Prof. Hales +in <i>The Age of Transition</i>, ii. 37, "possible, if +not very likely." "Professor Boas," adds the +same authority, "is disposed to support the +Stevenson theory, but with qualifications. He +points out (in a private letter) that it does not +follow, because the play was acted at Christ's, +that the writer was necessarily a member of +that college, and he grants weight to the confident +assertion of the Marprelate writer that +Bridges was the author, although Bridges was +at Pembroke College.... Professor Boas's<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_xiii" id="Page_xiii">[xiii]</a></span> +general conclusion is as follows: 'I think Mr. +Bradley's ascription of the play to Stevenson, +though plausible and probable, is by no means +certain, and that more may be said for Bridges' +authorship than he allows.' In our opinion +[that is, Prof. Hales's] the evidence, such as +it is, is all in favour of Stevenson as the +original author, but it may be hoped that the +discovery of some contemporary allusion may +yet settle the question once for all."</p> + +<p>As regards Still, if Stevenson's authorship +be accepted, Reed's conclusion of course falls +to the ground; and the extraordinary seriousness +of character of Bishop Still renders it incredible +that he can ever have distinguished +himself as a comic writer. Archbishop Parker, +in 1573, speaks of him as "a young man," +but "better mortified than some other forty +or fifty years of age"; and another eulogist +commends "his staidness and gravity." If +seriousness had been qualified by wit, there +would surely have been some indication of the +fact in the vivaciously written account of him +given by Harrington, who attests his excellent +character, and says that he was a man "to +whom I never came but I grew more religious, +and from whom I never went but I parted more +instructed." But neither there nor elsewhere +is there any evidence that he ever made a joke, +that he ever wrote a line of verse, or that he +had any interests other than those connected +with his sacred calling. John Payne Collier, in +his <i>History of Dramatic Poetry</i>, noting the fact +that <i>Gammer Gurton's Needle</i> was the first +existing English play acted at either university, +commented on the singular coincidence that the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_xiv" id="Page_xiv">[xiv]</a></span> +author of the comedy [Dr. Still] so represented +should be the very person who, many years +afterwards, when he had become Vice-Chancellor +of Cambridge, was called upon to remonstrate +with the Ministers of Queen Elizabeth +against having an English play performed +before her at that university, as unbefitting its +learning, dignity, and character [—another indirect +piece of evidence, surely, against Still's +authorship].</p> + +<p>The play is a comedy-farce in five acts, +the central idea being the loss by an old dame +of her needle, a half-crazy mischief-making wag +setting it about that this (at that time of day) +precious possession has been stolen by another +old woman, the whole village being ultimately +set by the ears about the matter. Finally it +is found sticking in the breech of Gammer +Gurton's man Hodge. The text followed is +that of Colwell's edition of 1575, modernised +in spelling and punctuation. Copies of the +original are to be found in the British Museum, +Bodleian, and Huth libraries. It has been +several times reprinted, but never before in +modern days in a separate form: (1) in quarto +in 1661; (2) in Hawkins' <i>Origin of the English +Drama</i>, 1773; (3) in all the editions of <i>Dodsley's +Old Plays</i> (1744, 1780, 1825, and 1876); (4) in +<i>The Ancient British Drama</i>, ed. by Sir W. +Scott, 1810; (5) in <i>Old English Drama</i>, 1830; +(6) in Prof. Manly's <i>Specimens of the Pre-Shakspearean +Drama</i>, 1897; and (7) in Gayley's +<i>Representative English Comedies</i>, 1903.</p> + +<p>A facsimile title-page will be found preceding +the text, and the device of Thomas Colwell, +the printer of the play, on page 64.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_xv" id="Page_xv">[xv]</a></span></p> + +<p>The song on page 12 is one of the oldest +drinking-songs extant. An older version, +modernised in spelling, is given below. Dr. +Bradley does not regard it as likely to be +"much older than the middle of the sixteenth +century (the O.E.D. gives it as c. 1550), and +it may possibly be later." As Skelton died +1529, the inference is obvious.</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Back and side go bare, go bare;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Both hand and foot go cold;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">But, belly, God send thee good ale enough,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Whether it be new or old.</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">But if that I may have, truly,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Good ale my belly full,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">I shall look like one (by sweet Saint John)</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Were shorn against the wool.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Though I go bare, take ye no care,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">I am nothing cold.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">I stuff my skin so full within</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Of jolly good ale and old.</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">I cannot eat but little meat;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">My stomach is not good;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">But sure I think that I could drink</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">With him that weareth a hood.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Drink is my life; although my wife</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Some time do chide and scold,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Yet spare I not to ply the pot</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Of jolly good ale and old.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Back and side, &c.</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">I love no roast but a brown toast,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Or a crab in the fire;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">A little bread shall do me stead,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Much bread I never desire.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Nor frost, nor snow, nor wind, I trow,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Can hurt me if it would;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">I am so wrapped within, and lapped</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">With jolly good ale and old.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Back and side, &c.</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">I care right nought, I take no thought</span><br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_xvi" id="Page_xvi">[xvi]</a></span> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">For clothes to keep me warm;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Have I good drink, I surely think</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Nothing can do me harm.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">For truly then I fear no man,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Be he never so bold,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">When I am armed, and thoroughly warmed</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">With jolly good ale and old.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Back and side, &c.</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">But now and then I curse and ban;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">They make their ale so small!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">God give them care, and evil to fare!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">They strye the malt and all.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Such peevish pew, I tell you true,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Not for a crown of gold</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">There cometh one sip within my lip,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Whether it be new or old.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Back and side, &c.</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Good ale and strong maketh me among</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Full jocund and full light,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">That oft I sleep, and take no keep</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">From morning until night.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Then start I up, and flee to the cup;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">The right way on I hold.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">My thirst to stanch I fill my paunch</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">With jolly good ale and old.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Back and side, &c.</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">And Kytte, my wife, that as her life</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Loveth well good ale to seek,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Full oft drinketh she that ye may see</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">The tears run down her cheek.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Then doth she troll to me the bowl</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">As a good malt-worm should,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">And say, "Sweetheart, I have taken my part</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Of jolly good ale and old."</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Back and side, &c.</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">They that do drink till they nod and wink,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Even as good fellows should do,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">They shall not miss to have the bliss</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">That good ale hath brought them to.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">And all poor souls that scour black bowls,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">And them hath lustily trolled,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">God save the lives of them and their wives,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Whether they be young or old!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;">Back and side, &c.</span><br /></p> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 361px;"> +<img src="images/i_020.png" width="361" height="600" alt="[Reduced facsimile of the Title-page of "Gammer +Gurton's Needle" from the British Museum Copy." title="" /> +<span class="caption">[Reduced facsimile of the Title-page of "Gammer +Gurton's Needle" from the British Museum Copy.]</span> +</div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span></p> + + +<blockquote><p> +<span class="smcap">A Right Pithy, Pleasant, and Merry +Comedy, entitled Gammer Gurton's +Needle. Played on Stage not long ago +in Christ's College in Cambridge. +Made by Mr. S., M.A. Imprinted at +London in Fleet Street, beneath the +Conduit, at the sign of St. John Evangelist, +by Thomas Colwell.</span> +</p></blockquote> + + +<p>The Names of the Speakers in this Comedy:</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;"><span class="smcap">Diccon, the Bedlam</span></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;"><span class="smcap">Hodge, Gammer Gurton's Servant</span></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;"><span class="smcap">Tib, Gammer Gurton's Maid</span></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;"><span class="smcap">Gammer Gurton</span></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;"><span class="smcap">Cock, Gammer Gurton's Boy</span></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;"><span class="smcap">Dame Chat</span></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;"><span class="smcap">Doctor Rat, the Curate</span></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;"><span class="smcap">Master Baily</span></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;"><span class="smcap">Doll, Dame Chat's Maid</span></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;"><span class="smcap">Scapethrift, Master Baily's Servant</span></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 5em;"><span class="smcap">Mutes</span></span><br /> +</p> + +<p class="center"><i>God Save the Queen</i><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span></p> + + + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 450px;"> +<img src="images/i_022.png" width="450" height="98" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>GAMMER GURTON'S NEEDLE</h2> + +<h3><span class="smcap">The Prologue.</span></h3> + + +<p> +As Gammer Gurton with many a wide stitch<br /> +Sat piecing and patching of Hodge her man's breech,<br /> +By chance or misfortune, as she her gear toss'd,<br /> +In Hodge's leather breeches her needle she lost.<br /> +When Diccon the Bedlam had heard by report<br /> +That good Gammer Gurton was robbed in this sort,<br /> +He quietly persuaded with her in that stound<br /> +Dame Chat, her dear gossip, this needle had found;<br /> +Yet knew she no more of this matter, alas!<br /> +Than knoweth Tom, our clerk, what the priest saith at mass.<br /> +Hereof there ensued so fearful a fray,<br /> +Mas. Doctor was sent for, these gossips to stay,<br /> +Because he was curate, and esteemed full wise;<br /> +Who found that he sought not, by Diccon's device.<br /> +When all things were tumbled and clean out of fashion,<br /> +Whether it were by fortune, or some other constellation,<br /> +Suddenly the needle Hodge found by the pricking.<br /> +And drew it out of his buttock, where he felt it sticking.<br /> +Their hearts then at rest with perfect security,<br /> +With a pot of good ale they struck up their plaudity.<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span></p> + + +<h3>THE FIRST ACT. THE FIRST SCENE.</h3> + + +<p> +<i>Diccon.</i> Many a mile have I walked, divers and sundry ways,<br /> +And many a good man's house have I been at in my days;<br /> +Many a gossip's cup in my time have I tasted,<br /> +And many a broach and spit have I both turned and basted,<br /> +Many a piece of bacon have I had out of their balks,<br /> +In running over the country, with long and weary walks;<br /> +Yet came my foot never within those door cheeks,<br /> +To seek flesh or fish, garlick, onions, or leeks,<br /> +That ever I saw a sort in such a plight<br /> +As here within this house appeareth to my sight.<br /> +There is howling and scowling, all cast in a dump,<br /> +With whewling and puling, as though they had lost a trump.<br /> +Sighing and sobbing, they weep and they wail;<br /> +I marvel in my mind what the devil they ail.<br /> +The old trot sits groaning, with alas and alas!<br /> +And Tib wrings her hands, and takes on in worse case.<br /> +With poor Cock, their boy, they be driven in such fits,<br /> +I fear me the folks be not well in their wits.<br /> +Ask them what they ail, or who brought them in this stay,<br /> +They answer not at all, but "alack!" and "wellaway!"<br /> +When I saw it booted not, out at doors I hied me,<br /> +And caught a slip of bacon, when I saw none spied me,<br /> +Which I intend not far hence, unless my purpose fail,<br /> +Shall serve me for a shoeing horn to draw on two pots of ale.<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span></p> + + +<h3>THE FIRST ACT. THE SECOND SCENE.</h3> +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Hodge, Diccon.</span></p> + + +<p> +<i>Hodge.</i> See! so cham arrayed with dabbling in the dirt!<br /> +She that set me to ditching, ich would she had the squirt!<br /> +Was never poor soul that such a life had.<br /> +Gog's bones! this vilthy glay has dress'd me too bad!<br /> +Gog's soul! see how this stuff tears!<br /> +Ich were better to be a bearward, and set to keep bears!<br /> +By the mass, here is a gash, a shameful hole indeed!<br /> +And one stitch tear further, a man may thrust in his head.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> By my father's soul, Hodge, if I should now be sworn,<br /> +I cannot choose but say thy breech is foul betorn,<br /> +But the next remedy in such a case and hap<br /> +Is to planch on a piece as broad as thy cap.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Gog's soul, man, 'tis not yet two days fully ended,<br /> +Since my dame Gurton (cham sure) these breeches amended;<br /> +But cham made such a drudge to trudge at every need,<br /> +Chwold rend it though it were stitched with sturdy packthread.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Hodge, let thy breeches go, and speak and tell me soon<br /> +What devil aileth Gammer Gurton and Tib her maid to frown.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Tush, man, th'art deceived: 'tis their daily look;<br /> +They cow'r so over the coals, their eyes be blear'd with smoke.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Nay, by the mass, I perfectly perceived, as I came hither,<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span>That either Tib and her dame hath been by the ears together,<br /> +Or else as great a matter, as thou shalt shortly see.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Now, ich beseech our Lord they never better agree!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> By Gog's soul, there they sit as still as stones in the street,<br /> +As though they had been taken with fairies, or else with some ill-spreet.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Gog's heart! I durst have laid my cap to a crown<br /> +Ch'would learn of some prancome as soon as ich came to town.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Why, Hodge, art thou inspired? or didst thou thereof hear?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Nay, but ich saw such a wonder as ich saw nat this seven year.<br /> +Tom Tankard's cow, by Gog's bones! she set me up her sail,<br /> +And flinging about his half acre, fisking with her tail,<br /> +As though there had been in her arse a swarm of bees,<br /> +And chad not cried "tphrowh, whore," shea'd leapt out of his lees.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Why, Hodge, lies the cunning in Tom Tankard's cow's tail?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Well, ich chave heard some say such tokens do not fail.<br /> +But ca[n]st thou not tell, in faith, Diccon, why she frowns, or whereat?<br /> +Hath no man stolen her ducks or hens, or gelded Gib, her cat?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> What devil can I tell, man? I could not have one word!<br /> +They gave no more heed to my talk than thou wouldst to a lord.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Ich cannot skill but muse, what marvellous thing it is.<br /> +Chill in and know myself what matters are amiss.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Then farewell, Hodge, a while, since thou dost inward haste,<br /> +For I will into the good wife Chat's, to feel how the ale doth taste.<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span></p> + + +<h3>THE FIRST ACT. THE THIRD SCENE.</h3> +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Hodge</span>, <span class="smcap">Tib.</span></p> + + +<p> +<i>Hodge.</i> Cham aghast; by the mass, ich wot not what to do.<br /> +Chad need bless me well before ich go them to.<br /> +Perchance some felon sprit may haunt our house indeed;<br /> +And then chwere but a noddy to venture where cha' no need.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Tib.</i> Cham worse than mad, by the mass, to be at this stay!<br /> +Cham chid, cham blam'd, and beaten, all th'hours on the day;<br /> +Lamed and hunger-starved, pricked up all in jags,<br /> +Having no patch to hide my back, save a few rotten rags!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> I say, Tib, if thou be Tib, as I trow sure thou be,<br /> +What devil make-ado is this, between our dame and thee?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Tib.</i> Gog's bread, Hodge, thou had a good turn thou wert not here this while!<br /> +It had been better for some of us to have been hence a mile;<br /> +My gammer is so out of course and frantic all at once,<br /> +That Cock, our boy, and I, poor wench, have felt it on our bones.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> What is the matter—say on, Tib—whereat she taketh so on?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Tib.</i> She is undone, she saith; alas! her joy and life is gone!<br /> +If she hear not of some comfort, she is, faith! but dead;<br /> +Shall never come within her lips one inch of meat ne bread.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> By'r lady, cham not very glad to see her in this dump.<br /> +Chold a noble her stool hath fallen, and she hath broke her rump.<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span><br /> +<i>Tib.</i> Nay, and that were the worst, we would not greatly care<br /> +For bursting of her huckle-bone, or breaking of her chair;<br /> +But greater, greater, is her grief, as, Hodge, we shall all feel!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Gog's wounds, Tib, my gammer has never lost her nee'le?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Tib.</i> Her nee'le!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Her nee'le?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Tib.</i> Her nee'le! by him that made me, it is true, Hodge, I tell thee.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Gog's sacrament! I would she had lost th'heart out of her belly!<br /> +The devil, or else his dame, they ought her, sure a shame!<br /> +How a murrion came this chance, say, Tib! unto our dame?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Tib.</i> My gammer sat her down on her pes, and bad me reach thy breeches,<br /> +And by and by—a vengeance in it! ere she had take two stitches<br /> +To clout a clout upon thine arse, by chance aside she leers,<br /> +And Gib, our cat, in the milk-pan she spied over head and ears.<br /> +"Ah, whore! out, thief!" she crief aloud, and swept the breeches down.<br /> +Up went her staff, and out leapt Gib at doors into the town,<br /> +And since that time was never wight could set their eyes upon it.<br /> +Gog's malison chave Cock and I bid twenty times light on it.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> And is not then my breeches sewed up, to-morrow that I should wear?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Tib.</i> No, in faith, Hodge, thy breeches lie for all this never the near.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Now a vengeance light on all the sort, that better should have kept it,<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span>The cat, the house, and Tib, our maid, that better should have swept it!<br /> +See where she cometh crawling! come on, in twenty devils' way!<br /> +Ye have made a fair day's work, have you not? pray you, say!<br /> +</p> + + +<h3>THE FIRST ACT. THE FOURTH SCENE.</h3> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Gammer, Hodge, Tib, Cock.</span></p> + + +<p> +<i>Gammer.</i> Alas, Hodge, alas! I may well curse and ban<br /> +This day, that ever I saw it, with Gib and the milk-pan;<br /> +For these and ill-luck together, as knoweth Cock, my boy,<br /> +Have stack away my dear nee'le, and robbed me of my joy,<br /> +My fair long straight nee'le, that was mine only treasure;<br /> +The first day of my sorrow is, and last end of my pleasure!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge</i> (<i>aside</i>). Might ha' kept it, when ye had it! but fools will be fools still,<br /> +Lose that is vast in your hands ye need not but ye will.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Go hie thee, Tib, and run thou, whore, to th'end here of the town!<br /> +Didst carry out dust in thy lap? seek where thou pourest it down;<br /> +And as thou sawest me roking, in the ashes where I mourned,<br /> +So see in all the heap of dust thou leave no straw unturned.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Tib.</i> That chall, Gammer, swyth and tite, and soon be here again!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Tib, stoop and look down to the ground to it, and take some pain.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Here is a pretty matter, to see this gear how it goes:<br /> +By Gog's soul, I think you would lose your arse, and it were loose!<br /> +Your nee'le lost? it is pity you should lack care and endless sorrow.<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span>Gog's death! how shall my breeches be sewed?<br /> +Shall I go thus to-morrow?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Ah, Hodge, Hodge! if that ich could find my nee'le, by the reed,<br /> +Ch'ould sew thy breeches, ich promise thee, with full good double thread,<br /> +And set a patch on either knee should last this moneths twain.<br /> +Now God and good Saint Sithe, I pray to send it home again!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Whereto served your hands and eyes, but this your nee'le to keep?<br /> +What devil had you else to do? ye keep, ich wot, no sheep!<br /> +Cham fain abroad to dig and delve, in water, mire, and clay,<br /> +Sossing and possing in the dirt still from day to day.<br /> +A hundred things that be abroad, cham set to see them well,<br /> +And four of you sit idle at home, and cannot keep a nee'le!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> My nee'le! alas! ich lost it, Hodge, what time ich me up hasted<br /> +To save the milk set up for thee, which Gib, our cat, hath wasted.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> The devil he burst both Gib and Tib, with all the rest!<br /> +Cham always sure of the worst end, whoever have the best!<br /> +Where ha' you been fidging abroad, since you your nee'le lost?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Within the house, and at the door, sitting by this same post,<br /> +Where I was looking a long hour, before these folks came here;<br /> +But, wellaway, all was in vain, my nee'le is never the near!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Set me a candle, let me seek, and grope wherever it be.<br /> +Gog's heart, ye be foolish ich think, you know it not when you it see!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Come hither, Cock: what, Cock, I say!<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span><br /> +<i>Cock.</i> How, Gammer?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Go, hie thee soon,<br /> +And grope behind the old brass pan, which thing when thou hast done,<br /> +There shalt thou find an old shoe, wherein, if thou look well,<br /> +Thou shalt find lying an inch of a white tallow candle;<br /> +Light it, and bring it tite away.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Cock.</i> That shall be done anon.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Nay, tarry, Hodge, till thou hast light, and then we'll seek each one.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Come away, ye whoreson boy, are ye asleep? ye must have a crier!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Cock.</i> Ich cannot get the candle light: here is almost no fire.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Chill hold thee a penny, chill make thee come, if that ich may catch thine ears!<br /> +Art deaf, thou whoreson boy? Cock, I say; why, canst not hear?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Beat him not, Hodge, but help the boy, and come you two together.<br /> +</p> + + +<h3>THE FIRST ACT. THE FIFTH SCENE.</h3> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Gammer</span>, <span class="smcap">Tib</span>, <span class="smcap">Cock</span>, <span class="smcap">Hodge</span>.</p> + + +<p> +<i>Gammer.</i> How now, Tib? quick, let's hear what news thou hast brought hither!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Tib.</i> Chave tost and tumbled yonder heap over and over again,<br /> +And winnowed it through my fingers, as men would winnow grain;<br /> +Not so much as a hen's turd, but in pieces I tare it;<br /> +Or whatsoever clod or clay I found, I did not spare it,<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span>Looking within and eke without, to find your nee'le, alas!<br /> +But all in vain and without help! your nee'le is where it was.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Alas, my nee'le! we shall never meet! adieu, adieu, for aye!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Tib.</i> Not so, Gammer, we might it find, if we knew where it lay.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Cock.</i> Gog's cross, Gammer, if ye will laugh, look in but at the door,<br /> +And see how Hodge lieth tumbling and tossing amids the flour,<br /> +Raking there some fire to find among the ashes dead,<br /> +Where there is not one spark so big as a pin's head:<br /> +At last in a dark corner two sparks he thought he sees,<br /> +Which were indeed nought else but Gib our cat's two eyes.<br /> +"Puff!" quod Hodge, thinking thereby to have fire without doubt;<br /> +With that Gib shut her two eyes, and so the fire was out;<br /> +And by and by them opened, even as they were before;<br /> +With that the sparks appeared, even as they had done of yore;<br /> +And even as Hodge blew the fire (as he did think),<br /> +Gib, as she felt the blast, straightway began to wink;<br /> +Till Hodge fell of swearing, as came best to his turn,<br /> +The fire was sure bewitch'd, and therefore would not burn;<br /> +At last Gib up the stairs, among the old posts and pins,<br /> +And Hodge he hied him after, till broke were both his shins:<br /> +Cursing and swearing oaths were never of his making,<br /> +That Gib would fire the house if that she were not taken.<br /> +<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span><i>Gammer.</i> See, here is all the thought that the foolish urchin taketh!<br /> +And Tib, me-think, at his elbow almost as merry maketh.<br /> +This is all the wit ye have, when others make their moan.<br /> +Come down, Hodge, where art thou? and let the cat alone!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Gog's heart, help and come up! Gib in her tail hath fire,<br /> +And is like to burn all, if she get a little higher!<br /> +Come down, quoth you? nay, then you might count me a patch,<br /> +The house cometh down on your heads, if it take once the thatch.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> It is the cat's eyes, fool, that shineth in the dark.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Hath the cat, do you think, in every eye a spark?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> No, but they shine as like fire as ever man see.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> By the mass, and she burn all, you sh' bear the blame for me!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Come down and help to seek here our nee'le, that it were found.<br /> +Down, Tib, on the knees, I say! Down, Cock, to the ground!<br /> +To God I make a vow, and so to good Saint Anne,<br /> +A candle shall they have a-piece, get it where I can,<br /> +If I may my nee'le find in one place or in other.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Now a vengeance on Gib light, on Gib and Gib's mother,<br /> +And all the generation of cats both far and near!<br /> +Look on the ground, whoreson, thinks thou the nee'le is here?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Cock.</i> By my troth, Gammer, me-thought your nee'le here I saw,<br /> +But when my fingers touch'd it, I felt it was a straw.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Tib.</i> See, Hodge, what's this? may it not be within it?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Break it, fool, with thy hand, and see and thou canst find it.<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span><br /> +<i>Tib.</i> Nay, break it you, Hodge, according to your word.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Gog's sides! fie! it stinks! it is a cat's turd!<br /> +It were well done to make thee eat it, by the mass!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> This matter amendeth not; my nee'le is still where it was.<br /> +Our candle is at an end, let us all in quite,<br /> +And come another time, when we have more light.<br /> +</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>THE SECOND ACT.</h2> + +<h3><i>First a</i> <span class="smcap">Song</span>.</h3> + + +<p> +<i>Back and side go bare, go bare,</i><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Both foot and hand go cold;</i></span><br /> +<i>But, belly, God send thee good ale enough.</i><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Whether it be new or old.</i></span><br /> +<br /> +<i>I cannot eat but little meat,</i><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>My stomach is not good;</i></span><br /> +<i>But sure I think that I can drink</i><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>With him that wears a hood.</i></span><br /> +<i>Though I go bare, take ye no care,</i><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>I am nothing a-cold;</i></span><br /> +<i>I stuff my skin so full within</i><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Of jolly good ale and old.</i></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;"><i>Back and side go bare, go bare, &c.</i></span><br /> +<br /> +<i>I love no roast but a nut-brown toast</i><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>And a crab laid in the fire.</i></span><br /> +<i>A little bread shall do me stead:</i><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Much bread I not desire.</i></span><br /> +<i>No frost nor snow, no wind, I trow,</i><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Can hurt me if I would;</i></span><br /> +<i>I am so wrapt, and thoroughly lapt</i><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Of jolly good ale and old.</i></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;"><i>Back and side go bare, &c.</i></span><br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span><br /> +<i>And Tib my wife, that as her life</i><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Loveth well good ale to seek,</i></span><br /> +<i>Full oft drinks she till ye may see</i><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>The tears run down her cheek:</i></span><br /> +<i>Then doth she trowl to me the bowl</i><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Even as a malt-worm should:</i></span><br /> +<i>And saith, sweet heart, I took my part</i><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Of this jolly good ale and old.</i></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;"><i>Back and side go bare, &c.</i></span><br /> +<br /> +<i>Now let them drink till they nod and wink,</i><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Even as good fellows should do;</i></span><br /> +<i>They shall not miss to have the bliss</i><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Good ale doth bring men to;</i></span><br /> +<i>And all poor souls that have scoured bowls,</i><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Or have them lustly troll'd.</i></span><br /> +<i>God save the lives of them and their wives,</i><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><i>Whether they be young or old.</i></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2em;"><i>Back and side go bare, &c.</i></span><br /> +</p> + + +<h3>THE SECOND ACT. THE FIRST SCENE.</h3> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Diccon</span>, <span class="smcap">Hodge</span>.</p> + + +<p> +<i>Diccon.</i> Well done, by Gog's malt! well sung and well said!<br /> +Come on, mother Chat, as thou art true maid,<br /> +One fresh pot of ale let's see, to make an end<br /> +Against this cold weather my naked arms to defend!<br /> +This gear it warms the soul! now, wind, blow on thy worst!<br /> +And let us drink and swill till that our bellies burst!<br /> +Now were he a wise man by cunning could define<br /> +Which way my journey lieth, or where Diccon will dine!<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span>But one good turn I have: be it by night or day,<br /> +South, east, north or west, I am never out of my way!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Chim goodly rewarded, cham I not, do you think?<br /> +Chad a goodly dinner for all my sweat and swink!<br /> +Neither butter, cheese, milk, onions, flesh, nor fish,<br /> +Save this poor piece of barley-bread: 'tis a pleasant costly dish!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Hail, fellow Hodge, and well to fare with thy meat, if you have any:<br /> +But by thy words, as I them smelled, thy daintrels be not many.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Daintrels, Diccon? Gog's soul, man, save this piece of dry horsebread,<br /> +Cha bit no bit this livelong day, no crumb come in my head:<br /> +My guts they yawl-crawl, and all my belly rumbleth,<br /> +The puddings cannot lie still, each one over other tumbleth.<br /> +By Gog's heart, cham so vexed, and in my belly penn'd,<br /> +Chould one piece were at the spital-house, another at the castle end!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Why, Hodge, was there none at home thy dinner for to set?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Gog's bread, Diccon, ich came too late, was nothing there to get!<br /> +Gib (a foul fiend might on her light!) licked the milk-pan so clean,<br /> +See, Diccon, 'twas not so well washed this seven year, as ich ween!<br /> +A pestilence light on all ill-luck! chad thought, yet for all this<br /> +Of a morsel of bacon behind the door at worst should not miss:<br /> +But when ich sought a slip to cut, as ich was wont to do,<br /> +Gog's souls, Diccon! Gib, our cat, had eat the bacon too!<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span></p> + +<p class="center">[<i>Which bacon Diccon stole, as is +declared before.</i></p> + +<p> +<i>Diccon.</i> Ill-luck, quod he! marry, swear it, Hodge! this day, the truth tell,<br /> +Thou rose not on thy right side, or else blessed thee not well.<br /> +Thy milk slopped up! thy bacon filched! that was too bad luck, Hodge!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Nay, nay, there was a fouler fault, my Gammer ga' me the dodge;<br /> +Seest not how cham rent and torn, my heels, my knees, and my breech?<br /> +Chad thought, as ich sat by the fire, help here and there a stitch:<br /> +But there ich was pouped indeed.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Why, Hodge?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Boots not, man, to tell.<br /> +Cham so drest amongst a sort of fools, chad better be in hell.<br /> +My Gammer (cham ashamed to say) by God, served me no well.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> How so, Hodge?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Has she not gone, trowest now,<br /> +and lost her nee'le?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Her eel, Hodge? who fished of late? that was a dainty dish!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Tush, tush, her nee'le, her nee'le, her nee'le, man! 'tis neither flesh nor fish;<br /> +A little thing with an hole in the end, as bright as any sil'er,<br /> +Small, long, sharp at the point, and straight as any pillar.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> I know not what a devil thou meanest, thou bring'st me more in doubt.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Knowest not with what Tom-tailor's man sits broaching through a clout?<br /> +A nee'le, a nee'le, a nee'le! my Gammer's nee'le is gone.<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span><br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Her nee'le, Hodge! now I smell thee! that was a chance alone!<br /> +By the mass, thou hast a shameful loss, and it were but for thy breeches.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Gog's soul, man, chould give a crown chad it but three stitches.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> How sayest thou, Hodge? what should he have, again thy needle got?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> By m'father's soul, and chad it, chould give him a new groat.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Canst thou keep counsel in this case?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Else chwold my tongue were out.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Do than but then by my advice, and I will fetch it without doubt.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Chill run, chill ride, chill dig, chill delve,<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Chill toil, chill trudge, shalt see;</span><br /> +Chill hold, chill draw, chill pull, chill pinch,<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Chill kneel on my bare knee;</span><br /> +Chill scrape, chill scratch, chill sift, chill seek,<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Chill bow, chill bend, chill sweat,</span><br /> +Chill stoop, chill stour, chill cap, chill kneel,<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Chill creep on hands and feet;</span><br /> +Chill be thy bondman, Diccon, ich swear by sun and moon,<br /> +And channot somewhat to stop this gap, cham utterly undone!<br /> +</p> + +<p class="center">[<i>Pointing behind to his torn breeches.</i></p> + +<p> +<i>Diccon.</i> Why, is there any special cause thou takest hereat such sorrow?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Kirstian Clack, Tom Simpson's maid, by the mass, comes hither to-morrow,<br /> +Cham not able to say, between us what may hap;<br /> +She smiled on me the last Sunday, when ich put off my cap.<br /> +<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span><i>Diccon.</i> Well, Hodge, this is a matter of weight, and must be kept close,<br /> +It might else turn to both our costs, as the world now goes.<br /> +Shalt swear to be no blab, Hodge?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Chill, Diccon.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Then go to,<br /> +Lay thine hand here; say after me, as thou shalt hear me do.<br /> +Hast no book?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Cha no book, I.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Then needs must force us both,<br /> +Upon my breech to lay thine hand, and there to take thine oath.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> I, Hodge, breechless<br /> +Swear to Diccon, rechless,<br /> +By the cross that I shall kiss,<br /> +To keep his counsel close,<br /> +And always me to dispose<br /> +To work that his pleasure is.<br /> +</p> + +<p class="center">[<i>Here he kisseth Diccon's breech.</i></p> + +<p> +<i>Diccon.</i> Now, Hodge, see thou take heed,<br /> +And do as I thee bid;<br /> +For so I judge it meet;<br /> +This needle again to win,<br /> +There is no shift therein,<br /> +But conjure up a spreet.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> What, the great devil, Diccon, I say?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Yea, in good faith, that is the way.<br /> +Fet with some pretty charm.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Soft, Diccon, be not too hasty yet,<br /> +By the mass, for ich begin to sweat!<br /> +Cham afraid of some harm.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Come hither, then, and stir thee not<br /> +One inch out of this circle plat,<br /> +But stand as I thee teach.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> And shall ich be here safe from their claws?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> The master-devil with his long paws<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span>Here to thee cannot reach—<br /> +Now will I settle me to this gear.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> I say, Diccon, hear me, hear!<br /> +Go softly to this matter!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> What devil, man? art afraid of nought?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Canst not tarry a little thought<br /> +Till ich make a courtesy of water?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Stand still to it; why shouldest thou fear him?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Gog's sides, Diccon, me-think ich hear him!<br /> +And tarry, chall mar all!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> The matter is no worse than I told it.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> By the mass, cham able no longer to hold it!<br /> +Too bad! ich must beray the hall!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Stand to it, Hodge! stir not, you whoreson!<br /> +What devil, be thine arse-strings brusten?<br /> +Thyself a while but stay,<br /> +The devil (I smell him) will be here anon.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge</i>. Hold him fast, Diccon, cham gone!<br /> +Chill not be at that fray!<br /> +</p> + + +<h3>THE SECOND ACT. THE SECOND +SCENE.</h3> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Diccon</span>, <span class="smcap">Chat</span>.</p> + + +<p> +<i>Diccon.</i> Fie, shitten knave, and out upon thee!<br /> +Above all other louts, fie on thee!<br /> +Is not here a cleanly prank,<br /> +But thy matter was no better,<br /> +Nor thy presence here no sweeter,<br /> +To fly I can thee thank.<br /> +Here is a matter worthy glosing,<br /> +Of Gammer Gurton's needle losing,<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span>And a foul piece of wark!<br /> +A man I think might make a play,<br /> +And need no word to this they say<br /> +Being but half a clerk.<br /> +<br /> +Soft, let me alone, I will take the charge<br /> +This matter further to enlarge<br /> +Within a time short.<br /> +If ye will mark my toys, and note,<br /> +I will give ye leave to cut my throat<br /> +If I make not good sport.<br /> +<br /> +Dame Chat, I say, where be ye? within?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Who have we there maketh such a din?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Here is a good fellow, maketh no great danger.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> What, Diccon? Come near, ye be no stranger.<br /> +We be fast set at trump, man, hard by the fire;<br /> +Thou shalt set on the king, if thou come a little nigher.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Nay, nay, there is no tarrying; I must be gone again.<br /> +But first for you in counsel I have a word or twain.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Come hither, Doll! Doll, sit down and play this game,<br /> +And as thou sawest me do, see thou do even the same.<br /> +There is five trumps besides the queen, the hindmost thou shalt find her.<br /> +Take heed of Sim Glover's wife, she hath an eye behind her!<br /> +Now, Diccon, say your will.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Nay, soft a little yet;<br /> +I would not tell it my sister, the matter is so great.<br /> +There I will have you swear by Our Dear Lady of Boulogne,<br /> +Saint Dunstan, and Saint Dominic, with the three Kings of Cologne,<br /> +That ye shall keep it secret.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Gog's bread! that will I do!<br /> +As secret as mine own thought, by God and the devil too!<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span><br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Here is Gammer Gurton, your neighbour, a sad and heavy wight:<br /> +Her goodly fair red cock at home was stole this last night.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Gog's soul! her cock with the yellow legs, that nightly crowed so just?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> That cock is stolen.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> What, was he fet out of the hen's roost?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> I cannot tell where the devil he was kept, under key or lock;<br /> +But Tib hath tickled in Gammer's ear, that you should steal the cock.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Have I, strong whore? by bread and salt!—<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> What, soft, I say, be still!<br /> +Say not one word for all this gear.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> By the mass, that I will!<br /> +I will have the young whore by the head, and the old trot by the throat.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Not one word, dame Chat, I say; not one word for my coat!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Shall such a beggar's brawl as that, thinkest thou, make me a thief?<br /> +The pox light on her whore's sides, a pestilence and mischief!<br /> +Come out, thou hungry needy bitch! O, that my nails be short!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Gog's bread, woman, hold your<br /> +peace! this gear will else pass sport!<br /> +I would not for an hundred pound this matter should be known,<br /> +That I am author of this tale, or have abroad it blown.<br /> +Did ye not swear ye would be ruled, before the tale I told?<br /> +I said ye must all secret keep, and ye said sure ye would.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Would you suffer, yourself, Diccon, such a sort to revile you,<br /> +With slanderous words to blot your name, and so to defile you?<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span><br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> No, Goodwife Chat, I would be loth such drabs should blot my name;<br /> +But yet ye must so order all that Diccon bear no blame.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Go to, then, what is your reed? say on your mind, ye shall me rule herein.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Godamercy to dame Chat! In faith thou must the gear begin.<br /> +It is twenty pound to a goose-turd, my gammer will not tarry,<br /> +But hitherward she comes as fast as her legs can her carry,<br /> +To brawl with you about her cock; for well I heard Tib say<br /> +The cock was roasted in your house to breakfast yesterday;<br /> +And when ye had the carcase eaten, the feathers ye outflung,<br /> +And Doll, your maid, the legs she hid a foot-deep in the dung.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> O gracious God! my heart it bursts!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Well, rule yourself a space;<br /> +And Gammer Gurton when she cometh anon into this place,<br /> +Then to the quean, let's see, tell her your mind, and spare not.<br /> +So shall Diccon blameless be; and then, go to, I care not!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Then, whore, beware her throat! I can abide no longer.<br /> +In faith, old witch, it shall be seen which of us two be stronger!<br /> +And, Diccon, but at your request, I would not stay one hour.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Well, keep it till she be here, and then out let it pour!<br /> +In the meanwhile get you in, and make no words of this.<br /> +More of this matter within this hour to hear you shall not miss,<br /> +Because I knew you are my friend, hide it I could not, doubtless.<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span>Ye know your harm, see ye be wise about your own business!<br /> +So fare ye well.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Nay, soft, Diccon, and drink! What, Doll, I say!<br /> +Bring here a cup of the best ale; let's see, come quickly away!<br /> +</p> + + +<h3>THE SECOND ACT. THE THIRD SCENE.</h3> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Hodge</span>, <span class="smcap">Diccon</span>.</p> + + +<p> +<i>Diccon.</i> Ye see, masters, that one end tapp'd of this my short device!<br /> +Now must we broach th'other too, before the smoke arise;<br /> +And by the time they have a while run,<br /> +I trust ye need not crave it.<br /> +But look, what lieth in both their hearts, ye are like, sure, to have it.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Yea, Gog's soul, art alive yet? What, Diccon, dare ich come?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> A man is well hied to trust to thee; I will say nothing but mum;<br /> +But and ye come any nearer, I pray you see all be sweet!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Tush, man, is Gammer's nee'le found? that chould gladly weet.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> She may thank thee it is not found, for if you had kept thy standing,<br /> +The devil he would have fet it out, ev'n, Hodge, at thy commanding.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Gog's heart! and could he tell nothing where the nee'le might be found?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Ye foolish dolt, ye were to seek, ere we had got our ground;<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span>Therefore his tale so doubtful was that I could not perceive it.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Then ich see well something was said, chope one day yet to have it.<br /> +But Diccon, Diccon, did not the devil cry "ho, ho, ho"?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> If thou hadst tarried where thou stood'st, thou wouldst have said so!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Durst swear of a book, cheard him roar, straight after ich was gone.<br /> +But tell me, Diccon, what said the knave? let me hear it anon.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> The whoreson talked to me, I know not well of what.<br /> +One while his tongue it ran and paltered of a cat,<br /> +Another while he stammered still upon a rat;<br /> +Last of all, there was nothing but every word, Chat, Chat;<br /> +But this I well perceived before I would him rid,<br /> +Between Chat, and the rat, and the cat, the needle is hid.<br /> +Now whether Gib, our cat, hath eat it in her maw,<br /> +Or Doctor Rat, our curate, have found it in the straw,<br /> +Or this dame Chat, your neighbour, hath stolen it, God he knoweth!<br /> +But by the morrow at this time, we shall learn how the matter goeth.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Canst not learn to-night, man? seest not what is here?<br /> +</p> + +<p class="center">[<i>Pointing behind to his torn breeches.</i></p> + +<p> +<i>Diccon.</i> 'Tis not possible to make it sooner appear.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Alas, Diccon, then chave no shift; but—lest ich tarry too long—<br /> +Hie me to Sim Glover's shop, there to seek for a thong,<br /> +Therewith this breech to thatch and tie as ich may.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> To-morrow, Hodge, if we chance to meet, shall see what I will say.<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span></p> + + +<h3>THE SECOND ACT. THE FOURTH +SCENE.</h3> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Diccon</span>, <span class="smcap">Gammer</span>.</p> + + +<p> +<i>Diccon.</i> Now this gear must forward go, for here my Gammer cometh.<br /> +Be still a while, and say nothing; make here a little romth.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Good lord! shall never be my luck my nee'le again to spy?<br /> +Alas, the while! 'tis past my help, where 'tis still it must lie!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Now, Jesus! Gammer Gurton, what driveth you to this sadness?<br /> +I fear me, by my conscience, you will sure fall to madness.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Who is that? What, Diccon? cham lost, man! fie, fie!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Marry, fie on them that be worthy! but what should be your trouble?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Alas! the more ich think on it, my sorrow it waxeth double.<br /> +My goodly tossing spurrier's nee'le chave lost ich wot not where.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Your nee'le? when?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> My nee'le, alas! ich might full ill it spare,<br /> +As God himself he knoweth, ne'er one beside chave.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> If this be all, good Gammer, I warrant you all is safe.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Why, know you any tidings which way my nee'le is gone?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Yea, that I do, doubtless, as ye shall hear anon,<br /> +'A see a thing this matter toucheth within these twenty hours,<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span>Even at this gate, before my face, by a neighbour of yours.<br /> +She stooped me down, and up she took up a needle or a pin.<br /> +I durst be sworn it was even yours, by all my mother's kin.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> It was my nee'le, Diccon, ich wot; for here, even by this post,<br /> +Ich sat, what time as ich up start, and so my nee'le it lost:<br /> +Who was it, leve son? speak, ich pray thee, and quickly tell me that!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> A subtle quean as any in this town, your neighbour here, dame Chat.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Dame Chat, Diccon! Let me be gone, chill thither in post haste.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Take my counsel yet or ye go, for fear ye walk in waste,<br /> +It is a murrain crafty drab, and froward to be pleased;<br /> +And ye take not the better way, our needle yet ye lose [it]:<br /> +For when she took it up, even here before your doors,<br /> +"What, soft, dame Chat" (quoth I), "that same is none of yours."<br /> +"Avaunt" (quoth she), "sir knave! what pratest thou of that I find?<br /> +I would thou hast kiss'd me I wot where"; she meant, I know, behind;<br /> +And home she went as brag as it had been a body-louse,<br /> +And I after, as bold as it had been the goodman of the house.<br /> +But there and ye had heard her, how she began to scold!<br /> +The tongue it went on patins, by him that Judas sold!<br /> +Each other word I was a knave, and you a whore of whores.<br /> +Because I spake in your behalf, and said the nee'le was yours.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Gog's bread! and thinks that<br /> +that callet thus to keep my nee'le me fro?<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span><br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Let her alone, and she minds none other but even to dress you so.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> By the mass, chill rather spend the coat that is on my back!<br /> +Thinks the false quean by such a sleight, that chill my nee'le lack?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Slip not your gear, I counsel you, but of this take good heed:<br /> +Let not be known I told you of it, how well soever ye speed.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Chill in, Diccon, and clean apern to take and set before me;<br /> +And ich may my nee'le once see, chill, sure, remember thee!<br /> +</p> + + +<h3>THE SECOND ACT. THE FIFTH SCENE.</h3> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Diccon.</span></p> + + +<p> +<i>Diccon.</i> Here will the sport begin; if these two once may meet,<br /> +Their cheer, durst lay money, will prove scarcely sweet.<br /> +My gammer, sure, intends to be upon her bones<br /> +With staves, or with clubs, or else with cobble stones.<br /> +Dame Chat, on the other side, if she be far behind<br /> +I am right far deceived; she is given to it of kind.<br /> +He that may tarry by it awhile, and that but short,<br /> +I warrant him, trust to it, he shall see all the sport.<br /> +Into the town will I, my friends to visit there,<br /> +And hither straight again to see th'end of this gear.<br /> +In the meantime, fellows, pipe up; your fiddles, I say, take them,<br /> +And let your friends hear such mirth as ye can make them.<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>THE THIRD ACT. THE FIRST SCENE.</h2> + +<h3><span class="smcap">Hodge.</span></h3> + + +<p> +<i>Hodge.</i> Sim Glover, yet gramercy! cham meetly well-sped now,<br /> +Th'art even as good a fellow as ever kiss'd a cow!<br /> +Here is a thong indeed, by the mass, though ich speak it;<br /> +Tom Tankard's great bald curtal, I think, could not break it!<br /> +And when he spied my need to be so straight and hard,<br /> +Hase lent me here his nawl, to set the gib forward;<br /> +As for my gammer's nee'le, the flying fiend go wi' it!<br /> +Chill not now go to the door again with it to meet.<br /> +Chould make shift good enough and chad a candle's end;<br /> +The chief hole in my breech with these two chill amend.<br /> +</p> + + +<h3>THE THIRD ACT. THE SECOND SCENE.</h3> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Gammer</span>, <span class="smcap">Hodge</span>.</p> + + +<p> +<i>Gammer.</i> Now Hodge, may'st now be glad, cha news to tell thee;<br /> +Ich know who hase my nee'le; ich trust soon shall it see.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> The devil thou does! hast heard, gammer, indeed, or dost but jest?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> 'Tis as true as steel, Hodge.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Why, knowest well where didst lese it?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Ich know who found it, and took it up! shalt see ere it be long.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> God's mother dear! if that be true, farewell both nawl and thong!<br /> +But who hase it, gammer, say on; chould fain hear it disclosed.<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span><br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> That false vixen, that same dame Chat, that counts herself so honest.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Who told you so?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> That same did Diccon the bedlam, which saw it done.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Diccon? it is a vengeable knave, gammer, 'tis a bonable whoreson,<br /> +Can do mo things than that, els cham deceived evil:<br /> +By the mass, ich saw him of late call up a great black devil!<br /> +O, the knave cried "<i>ho, ho!</i>" he roared and he thundered,<br /> +And ye 'ad been here, cham sure you'ld murrainly ha' wondered.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Was not thou afraid, Hodge, to see him in this place?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> No, and chad come to me, chould have laid him on the face,<br /> +Chould have, promised him!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> But, Hodge, had he no horns to push?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> As long as your two arms. Saw ye never Friar Rush<br /> +Painted on a cloth, with a side-long cow's tail,<br /> +And crooked cloven feet, and many a hooked nail?<br /> +For all the world, if I should judge, chould reckon him his brother.<br /> +Look, even what face Friar Rush had, the devil had such another.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Now, Jesus mercy, Hodge! did Diccon in him bring?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Nay, gammer, hear me speak, chill tell you a greater thing.<br /> +The devil (when Diccon had him, ich heard him wondrous well)<br /> +Said plainly here before us, that dame Chat had your nee'le.<br /> +<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span><i>Gammer.</i> Then let us go, and ask her wherefore she minds to keep it;<br /> +Seeing we know so much, 'twere a madness now to slip it.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Go to her, gammer; see ye not where she stands in her doors?<br /> +Bid her give you the nee'le, 'tis none of hers but yours.<br /> +</p> + + +<h3>THE THIRD ACT. THE THIRD SCENE.</h3> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Gammer</span>, <span class="smcap">Chat</span>, <span class="smcap">Hodge</span>.</p> + + +<p> +<i>Gammer.</i> Dame Chat, ch'ould pray thee fair, let me have that is mine!<br /> +Chill not these twenty years take one fart that is thine;<br /> +Therefore give me mine own, and let me live beside thee.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Why art thou crept from home hither, to mine own doors to chide me?<br /> +Hence, doating drab, avaunt, or I shall set thee further!<br /> +Intends thou and that knave me in my house to murther?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Tush, gape not so on me, woman! shalt not yet eat me,<br /> +Nor all the friends thou hast in this shall not entreat me!<br /> +Mine own goods I will have, and ask thee no by leave:<br /> +What, woman! poor folks must have right, though the thing you aggrieve.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Give thee thy right, and hang thee up, with all thy beggar's brood!<br /> +What, wilt thou make me a thief, and say I stole thy good?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Chill say nothing, ich warrant thee, but that ich can prove it well.<br /> +Thou set my good even from my door, cham able this to tell!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Did I, old witch, steal aught was thine? how should that thing be known?<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span><br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Ich cannot tell; but up thou tookest it as though it had been thine own.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Marry, fie on thee, thou old gib, with all my very heart!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Nay, fie on thee, thou ramp, thou rig, with all that take thy part!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> A vengeance on those lips that layeth such things to my charge!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> A vengeance on those callet's hips, whose conscience is so large!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Come out, hog!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Come out, hog, and let have me right!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Thou arrant witch!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Thou bawdy bitch, chill make thee curse this night!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> A bag and a wallet!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> A cart for a callet!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Why, weenest thou thus to prevail?<br /> +I hold thee a groat, I shall patch thy coat!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Thou wert as good kiss my tail!<br /> +Thou slut, thou cut, thou rakes, thou jakes! will not shame make thee hide [thee]?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Thou skald, thou bald, thou rotten, thou glutton! I will no longer chide thee;<br /> +But I will teach thee to keep home.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Wilt thou, drunken beast?<br /> +</p> + +<p class="center">[<i>They fight.</i></p> + +<p> +<i>Hodge.</i> Stick to her, gammer, take her by the head, chill warrant you this feast!<br /> +Smite, I say, gammer! Bite, I say, gammer! I trow ye will be keen!<br /> +Where be your nails? claw her by the jaws, pull me out both her eyen.<br /> +Gog's bones, gammer, hold up your head!<br /> +<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span><i>Chat.</i> I trow, drab, I shall dress thee.<br /> +Tarry, thou knave, I hold thee a groat! I shall make these hands bless thee!<br /> +Take thou this, old whore, for amends, and learn thy tongue well to tame,<br /> +And say thou met at this bickering, not thy fellow but thy dame!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Where is the strong stewed whore? chill gi'r a whore's mark!<br /> +Stand out one's way, that ich kill none in the dark!<br /> +Up, gammer, and ye be alive! chill fight now for us both.<br /> +Come no near me, thou scald callet! to kill thee ich were loth.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Art here again, thou hoddypeke? what, Doll! bring me out my spit.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Chill broach thee with this, by m'father's soul, chill conjure that foul spreet.<br /> +Let door stand. Cock! why com'st indeed? keep door, thou whoreson boy!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat</i> [<i>to Doll</i>]. Stand to it, thou dastard, for thine ears, ise teach thee, a sluttish toy!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Gog's wounds, whore, chill make thee avaunt!<br /> +Take heed, Cock, pull in the latch!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> I'faith, sir Loose-breech, had ye tarried, ye should have found your match!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Now 'ware thy throat, losel, thou'se pay for all!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Well said, gammer, by my soul.<br /> +Hoise her, souse her, bounce her, trounce her, pull her throat-bole!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Com'st behind me, thou withered witch? and I get once on foot!<br /> +Thou'se pay for all, thou old tar-leather! I'll teach thee what longs to 't!<br /> +Take thee this to make up thy mouth, till time thou come by more!<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span><br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Up, gammer, stand on your feet; where is the old whore?<br /> +Faith, would chad her by the face, chould crack her callet crown!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Ah, Hodge, Hodge, where was thy help, when vixen had me down?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> By the mass, gammer, but for my staff Chat had gone nigh to spill you!<br /> +Ich think the harlot had not cared, and chad not come, to kill you.<br /> +But shall we lose our nee'le thus?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> No, Hodge, chwere loth to do so.<br /> +Thinkest thou chill take that at her hand? no, Hodge, ich tell thee no.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Chould yet this fray were well take up, and our nee'le at home,<br /> +'Twill be my chance else some to kill, wherever it be or whom!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> We have a parson, Hodge, thou knows, a man esteemed wise,<br /> +Mast Doctor Rat; chill for him send, and let me hear his advice.<br /> +He will her shrive for all this gear, and give her penance straight;<br /> +Wese have our nee'le, else dame Chat comes ne'er within heaven-gate.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Yea, marry, gammer, that ich think best: will you now for him send?<br /> +The sooner Doctor Rat be here, the sooner wese ha' an end.<br /> +And here, gammer! Diccon's devil, as ich remember well,<br /> +Of cat, and Chat, and Doctor Rat, a felonious tale did tell.<br /> +Chold you forty pound, that is the way your nee'le to get again.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Chill ha' him straight! Call out the boy, wese make him take the pain.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> What, Cock, I say! come out! What devil! can'st not hear?<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span><br /> +<i>Cock.</i> How now, Hodge? how does gammer, is yet the weather clear?<br /> +What would chave me to do?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Come hither, Cock, anon!<br /> +Hence swith to Doctor Rat, hie thee that thou were gone,<br /> +And pray him come speak with me, cham not well at ease.<br /> +Shalt have him at his chamber, or else at Mother Bee's;<br /> +Else seek him at Hob Filcher's shop, for as cheard it reported,<br /> +There is the best ale in all the town, and now is most resorted.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Cock.</i> And shall ich bring him with me, gammer?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Yea, by and by, good Cock.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Cock.</i> Shalt see that shall be here anon, else let me have on the dock.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Now, gammer, shall we two go in, and tarry for his coming?<br /> +What devil, woman! pluck up your heart, and leave off all this glooming.<br /> +Though she were stronger at the first, as ich think ye did find her,<br /> +Yet there ye dress'd the drunken sow, what time ye came behind her.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Nay, nay, cham sure she lost not all, for, set th'end to the beginning,<br /> +And ich doubt not but she will make small boast of her winning.<br /> +</p> + + +<h3>THE THIRD ACT. THE FOURTH SCENE.</h3> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Tib</span>, <span class="smcap">Hodge</span>, <span class="smcap">Gammer</span>, <span class="smcap">Cock</span>.</p> + + +<p> +<i>Tib.</i> See, gammer, gammer, Gib, our cat, cham afraid what she aileth;<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span>She stands me gasping behind the door, as though her wind her faileth:<br /> +Now let ich doubt what Gib should mean, that now she doth so doat.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Hold hither! I chould twenty pound, your nee'le is in her throat.<br /> +Grope her, ich say, methinks ich feel it; does not prick your hand?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Ich can feel nothing.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> No! ich know there's not within this land<br /> +A murrainer cat than Gib is, betwixt the Thames and Tyne;<br /> +Sh'ase as much wit in her head almost as ch'ave in mine.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Tib.</i> Faith, sh'ase eaten something, that will not easily down;<br /> +Whether she gat it at home, or abroad in the town Ich cannot tell.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Alas, ich fear it be some crooked pin!<br /> +And then farewell Gib! she is undone, and lost all save the skin!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> 'Tis your nee'le, woman, I say! Gog's soul! give me a knife,<br /> +And chill have it out of her maw, or else chall lose my life!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> What! nay, Hodge, fie! Kill not our cat, 'tis all the cats we ha' now.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> By the mass, dame Chat hase me so moved, ich care not what I kill, ma' God a vow!<br /> +Go to, then, Tib, to this gear! hold up her tail and take her!<br /> +Chill see what devil is in her guts! chill take the pains to rake her!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Rake a cat, Hodge! what wouldest thou do?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> What, think'st that cham not able?<br /> +Did not Tom Tankard rake his curtal t'o'er day standing in the stable?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Soft! be content, let's hear what news Cock bringeth from Mast Rat.<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span><br /> +<i>Cock.</i> Gammer, chave been there as you bad, you wot well about what.<br /> +'Twill not be long before he come, ich durst swear off a book,<br /> +He bids you see ye be at home, and there for him to look.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Where didst thou find him, boy? was he not where I told thee?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Cock.</i> Yes, yes, even at Hob Filcher's house, by him that bought and sold me!<br /> +A cup of ale had in his hand, and a crab lay in the fire;<br /> +Chad much ado to go and come, all was so full of mire.<br /> +And, gammer, one thing I can tell: Hob Filcher's nawl was lost,<br /> +And Doctor Rat found it again, hard beside the door-post.<br /> +I chold a penny can say something, your nee'le again to set.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Cham glad to hear so much, Cock, then trust he will not let<br /> +To help us herein best he can; therefore, till time he come<br /> +Let us go in; if there be ought to get thou shalt have some.<br /> +</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>THE FOURTH ACT. THE FIRST SCENE.</h2> + +<h3><span class="smcap">Doctor Rat</span>, <span class="smcap">Gammer Gurton</span>.</h3> + + +<p> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> A man were better twenty times be a bandog and bark,<br /> +Than here among such a sort be parish priest or clerk,<br /> +Where he shall never be at rest one pissing while a day,<br /> +But he must trudge about the town, this way and that way;<br /> +Here to a drab, there to a thief, his shoes to tear and rent,<br /> +And that which is worst of all, at every knave's commandment!<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span>I had not sit the space to drink two pots of ale,<br /> +But Gammer Gurton's sorry boy was straightway at my tail,<br /> +And she was sick, and I must come, to do I wot not what!<br /> +If once her finger's-end but ache—trudge, call for Doctor Rat!<br /> +And when I come not at their call, I only thereby lose;<br /> +For I am sure to lack therefore a tithe-pig or a goose.<br /> +I warrant you, when truth is known, and told they have their tale,<br /> +The matter whereabout I come is not worth a halfpennyworth of ale;<br /> +Yet must I talk so sage and smooth, as though I were a gloser<br /> +Else ere the year come at an end, I shall be sure the loser.<br /> +What work ye, Gammer Gurton? How? here is your friend M[ast] Rat.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Ah! good M[ast] Doctor! 'cha troubled, 'cha troubled you, 'chwot well that.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> How do ye, woman? be ye lusty, or be ye not well at ease?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> By Gis, Master, cham not sick, but yet chave a disease.<br /> +Chad a foul turn now of late, chill tell it you, by gigs!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> Hath your brown cow cast her calf, or your sandy sow her pigs?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> No, but chad been as good they had as this, ich wot well.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> What is the matter?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Alas, alas! 'cha lost my good nee'le!<br /> +My nee'le, I say, and wot ye what, a drab came by and spied it,<br /> +And when I asked her for the same, the filth flatly denied it.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> What was she that?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> A dame, ich warrant you! She began to scold and brawl—<br /> +Alas, alas! come hither, Hodge! this wretch can tell you all.<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span></p> + + +<h3>THE FOURTH ACT. THE SECOND SCENE.</h3> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Hodge</span>, <span class="smcap">Doctor Rat</span>, <span class="smcap">Gammer</span>, <span class="smcap">Diccon</span>.</p> + + +<p> +<i>Hodge.</i> Good morrow, Gaffer Vicar.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> Come on, fellow, let us hear!<br /> +Thy dame hath said to me, thou knowest of all this gear;<br /> +Let's see what thou canst say.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> By m' fay, sir, that ye shall,<br /> +What matter soever there was done, ich can tell your maship [all]:<br /> +My Gammer Gurton here, see now,<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Sat her down at this door, see now;</span><br /> +And, as she began to stir her, see now,<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Her nee'le fell in the floor, see now;</span><br /> +And while her staff she took, see now,<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">At Gib her cat to fling, see now,</span><br /> +Her nee'le was lost in the floor, see now—<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Is not this a wondrous thing, see now?</span><br /> +Then came the quean dame Chat, see now,<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">To ask for her black cup, see now:</span><br /> +And even here at this gate, see now,<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">She took that nee'le up, see now:</span><br /> +My gammer then she yede, see now,<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Her nee'le again to bring, see now,</span><br /> +And was caught by the head, see now—<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Is not this a wondrous thing, see now?</span><br /> +She tare my gammer's coat, see now,<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And scratched her by the face, see now;</span><br /> +Chad thought sh'ad stopp'd her throat, see now—<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Is not this a wondrous case, see now?</span><br /> +When ich saw this, ich was wroth, see now,<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span><span style="margin-left: 1em;">And stert between them twain, see now;</span><br /> +Else ich durst take a book-oath, see now,<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">My gammer had been slain, see now.</span><br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> This is even the whole matter, as Hodge has plainly told;<br /> +And chould fain be quiet for my part, that chould.<br /> +But help us, good Master, beseech ye that ye do:<br /> +Else shall we both be beaten and lose our nee'le too.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> What would ye have me to do? tell me, that I were gone;<br /> +I will do the best that I can, to set you both at one.<br /> +But be ye sure dame Chat hath this your nee'le found?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Here comes the man, that see her take it up off the ground.<br /> +Ask him yourself, Master Rat, if ye believe not me:<br /> +And help me to my nee'le, for God's sake and Saint Charity!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> Come near, Diccon, and let us hear what thou can express.<br /> +Wilt thou be sworn thou seest dame Chat this woman's nee'le have?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Nay, by Saint Benet, will I not, then might ye think me rave!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Why, did'st not thou tell me so even here? canst thou for shame deny it?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Ay, marry, gammer; but I said I would not abide by it.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> Will you say a thing, and not stick to it to try it?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> "Stick to it," quoth you, Master Rat? marry, sir, I defy it!<br /> +Nay, there is many an honest man, when he such blasts hath blown<br /> +In his friend's ears, he would be loth the same by him were known.<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span>If such a toy be used oft among the honesty,<br /> +It may [not] beseem a simple man of your and my degree.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> Then we be never the nearer, for all that you can tell!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Yea, marry, sir, if ye will do by mine advice and counsel.<br /> +If mother Chat see all us here, she knoweth how the matter goes;<br /> +Therefore I reed you three go hence, and within keep close,<br /> +And I will into dame Chat's house, and so the matter use,<br /> +That ere ye could go twice to church I warrant you hear news.<br /> +She shall look well about her, but, I durst lay a pledge,<br /> +Ye shall of gammer's nee'le have shortly better knowledge.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Now, gentle Diccon, do so; and, good sir, let us trudge.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> By the mass, I may not tarry so long to be your judge.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> 'Tis but a little while, man; what! take so much pain!<br /> +If I hear no news of it, I will come sooner again.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Tarry so much, good Master Doctor, of your gentleness!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> Then let us hie us inward, and, Diccon, speed thy business.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Now, sirs, do you no more, but keep my counsel just,<br /> +And Doctor Rat shall thus catch some good, I trust;<br /> +But mother Chat, my gossip, talk first withal I must,<br /> +For she must be chief captain to lay the Rat in the dust.<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span></p> + + +<h3>THE FOURTH ACT. THE THIRD SCENE.</h3> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Diccon</span>, <span class="smcap">Chat</span>.</p> + + +<p> +<i>Diccon.</i> Good even, dame Chat, in faith, and well-met in this place!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Good even, my friend Diccon; whither walk ye this pace?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> By my truth, even to you, to learn how the world goeth.<br /> +Heard ye no more of the other matter? say me now, by your troth!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> O yes, Diccon, hear the old whore and Hodge, that great knave—<br /> +But, in faith, I would thou hadst seen—O Lord, I drest them brave!<br /> +She bare me two or three souses behind in the nape of the neck,<br /> +Till I made her old weasand to answer again, "keck!"<br /> +And Hodge, that dirty dastard, that at her elbow stands—<br /> +If one pair of legs had not been worth two pair of hands,<br /> +He had had his beard shaven if my nails would have served,<br /> +And not without a cause, for the knave is well deserved.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> By the mass, I can thee thank, wench, thou didst so well acquit thee!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> And th' adst seen him, Diccon, it would have made thee beshit thee<br /> +For laughter. The whoreson dolt at last caught up a club,<br /> +As though he would have slain the master-devil, Belsabub.<br /> +But I set him soon inward.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> O Lord, there is the thing!<br /> +That Hodge is so offended! that makes him start and fling!<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span><br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Why? makes the knave any moiling, as ye have seen or heard?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Even now I saw him last, like a mad man he far'd,<br /> +And sware by heaven and hell he would a-wreak his sorrow,<br /> +And leave you never a hen alive by eight of the clock to-morrow;<br /> +Therefore mark what I say, and my words see that ye trust.<br /> +Your hens be as good as dead, if ye leave them on the roost.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> The knave dare as well go hang himself, as go upon my ground.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Well, yet take heed, I say, I must tell you my tale round.<br /> +Have you not about your house, behind your furnace or lead<br /> +A hole where a crafty knave may creep in for need?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Yes, by the mass, a hole broke down, even within these two days.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Hodge, he intends this same night to slip in thereaways.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> O Christ! that I were sure of it! in faith, he should have his meed!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Watch well, for the knave will be there as sure as is your creed.<br /> +I would spend myself a shilling to have him swinged well.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> I am as glad as a woman can be of this thing to hear tell.<br /> +By Gog's bones, when he cometh, now that I know the matter,<br /> +He shall sure at the first skip to leap in scalding water,<br /> +With a worse turn besides; when he will, let him come.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> I tell you as my sister; you know what meaneth "mum"!<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span></p> + + +<h3>THE FOURTH ACT. THE FOURTH +SCENE.</h3> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Diccon</span>, <span class="smcap">Doctor Rat</span>.</p> + + +<p> +<i>Diccon.</i> Now lack I but my doctor to play his part again.<br /> +And lo, where he cometh towards, peradventure to his pain!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> What good news, Diccon, fellow? is mother Chat at home?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> She is, sir, and she is not, but it please her to whom;<br /> +Yet did I take her tardy, as subtle as she was.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> The thing that thou went'st for, hast thou brought it to pass?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> I have done that I have done, be it worse, be it better,<br /> +And dame Chat at her wits-end I have almost set her.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> Why, hast thou spied the nee'le? quickly, I pray thee, tell!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> I have spied it, in faith, sir, I handled myself so well;<br /> +And yet the crafty quean had almost take my trump.<br /> +But, ere all came to an end, I set her in a dump.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> How so, I pray thee, Diccon?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Marry, sir, will ye hear?<br /> +She was clapp'd down on the backside, by Cock's mother dear,<br /> +And there she sat sewing a halter or a band,<br /> +With no other thing save gammer's needle in her hand.<br /> +As soon as any knock, if the filth be in doubt,<br /> +She needs but once puff, and her candle is out:<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span>Now I, sir, knowing of every door the pin,<br /> +Came nicely, and said no word, till time I was within;<br /> +And there I saw the nee'le, even with these two eyes;<br /> +Whoever say the contrary, I will swear he lies.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> O Diccon, that I was not there then in thy stead!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Well, if ye will be ordered, and do by my reed,<br /> +I will bring you to a place, as the house stands,<br /> +Where ye shall take the drab with the nee'le in her hands.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> For God's sake do so, Diccon, and I will gage my gown<br /> +To give thee a full pot of the best ale in the town.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Follow me but a little, and mark what I will say;<br /> +Lay down your gown beside you, go to, come on your way!<br /> +See ye not what is here? a hole wherein ye may creep<br /> +Into the house, and suddenly unawares among them leap;<br /> +There shall ye find the bitch-fox and the nee'le together.<br /> +Do as I bid you, man, come on your ways hither!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> Art thou sure, Diccon, the swill-tub stands not hereabout?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> I was within myself, man, even now, there is no doubt.<br /> +Go softly, make no noise; give me your foot, sir John,<br /> +Here will I wait upon you, till you come out anon.</p><p class="center">[<i>D. Rat creeps in.</i></p><p> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat</i> [<i>calling from within</i>]. Help, Diccon! out alas! I shall be slain among them!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> If they give you not the needle, tell them that ye will hang them.<br /> +Ware that! How, my wenches! have ye caught the fox,<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span>That used to make revel among your hens and cocks?<br /> +Save his life yet for his order, though he sustain some pain.<br /> +Gog's bread! I am afraid they will beat out his brain.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> Woe worth the hour that I came here!<br /> +And woe worth him that wrought this gear!<br /> +A sort of drabs and queans have me blest—<br /> +Was ever creature half so evil drest?<br /> +Whoever it wrought, and first did invent it<br /> +He shall, I warrant him, ere long repent it!<br /> +I will spend all I have without my skin<br /> +But he shall be brought to the plight I am in!<br /> +Master Baily, I trow, and he be worth his ears,<br /> +Will snaffle these murderers, and all that them bears:<br /> +I will surely neither bite nor sup<br /> +Till I fetch him hither, this matter to take up.<br /> +</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>THE FIFTH ACT. THE FIRST SCENE.</h2> + +<h3><span class="smcap">Master Baily</span>, <span class="smcap">Doctor Rat</span>.</h3> + + +<p> +<i>Baily.</i> I can perceive none other, I speak it from my heart,<br /> +But either ye are in all the fault, or else in the greatest part.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> If it be counted his fault, besides all his griefs,<br /> +When a poor man is spoiled, and beaten among thieves,<br /> +Then I confess my fault herein, at this season;<br /> +But I hope you will not judge so much against reason.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> And, methinks, by your own tale, of all that ye name,<br /> +If any played the thief, you were the very same.<br /> +The women they did nothing, as your words made probation,<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span>But stoutly withstood your forcible invasion.<br /> +If that a thief at your window to enter should begin,<br /> +Would you hold forth your hand and help to pull him in?<br /> +Or you would keep him out? I pray you answer me.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> Marry, keep him out! and a good cause why!<br /> +But I am no thief, sir, but an honest learned clerk.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Yea, but who knoweth that, when he meets you in the dark?<br /> +I am sure your learning shines not out at your nose!<br /> +Was it any marvel, though the poor woman arose<br /> +And start up, being afraid of that was in her purse?<br /> +Me-think you may be glad that you[r] luck was no worse.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> Is not this evil enough, I pray you, as you think?<br /> +</p> + +<p class="center">[<i>Showing his broken head.</i></p> + +<p> +<i>Baily.</i> Yea, but a man in the dark, if chances do wink,<br /> +As soon he smites his father as any other man,<br /> +Because for lack of light discern him he ne can.<br /> +Might it not have been your luck with a spit to have been slain?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> I think I am little better, my scalp is cloven to the brain.<br /> +If there be all the remedy, I know who bears the knocks.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> By my troth, and well worthy besides to kiss the stocks!<br /> +To come in on the back side, when ye might go about!<br /> +I know none such, unless they long to have their brains knock'd out.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> Well, will you be so good, sir, as talk with dame Chat.<br /> +And know what she intended? I ask no more but that.<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span><br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Let her be called, fellow, because of<br /> +Master Doctor [<i>to Scapethrift</i>],<br /> +I warrant in this case she will be her own proctor;<br /> +She will tell her own tale in metre or in prose,<br /> +And bid you seek your remedy, and so go wipe your nose.<br /> +</p> + + +<h3>THE FIFTH ACT. THE SECOND SCENE.</h3> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">M. Baily, Chat, D. Rat, Gammer, Hodge, +Diccon</span>.</p> + + +<p> +<i>Baily.</i> Dame Chat, Master Doctor upon you here complained<br /> +That you and your maids should him much misorder,<br /> +And taketh many an oath, that no word be feigned,<br /> +Laying to your charge, how you thought him to murder;<br /> +And on his part again, that same man saith furder,<br /> +He never offended you in word nor intent.<br /> +To hear you answer hereto, we have now for you sent.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> That I would have murdered him? fie on him, wretch!<br /> +And evil mought he the for it, our Lord I beseech.<br /> +I will swear on all the books that opens and shuts,<br /> +He feigneth this tale out of his own guts;<br /> +For this seven weeks with me, I am sure, he sat not down.<br /> +[<i>To Rat.</i>] Nay, ye have other minions, in the other end of the town,<br /> +Where ye were liker to catch such a blow,<br /> +Than anywhere else, as far as I know!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Belike, then Master Doctor, yon stripe there ye got not!<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span><br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> Think you I am so mad that where I was bet I wot not?<br /> +Will ye believe this quean, before she hath tried it?<br /> +It is not the first deed she hath done, and afterward denied it.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> What, man, will you say I broke you[r] head?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> How canst thou prove the contrary?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Nay, how provest thou that I did the deed?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> Too plainly, by St Mary,<br /> +This proof, I trow, may serve, though I no word spoke!</p><p class="center">[<i>Showing his broken head.</i></p><p> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Because thy head is broken, was it I that it broke?<br /> +I saw thee, Rat, I tell thee, not once within this fortnight.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> No, marry, thou sawest me not; for why thou hadst no light;<br /> +But I felt thee for all the dark, beshrew thy smooth cheeks!<br /> +And thou groped me, this will declare any day this six weeks.</p><p class="center">[<i>Showing his head.</i></p><p> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Answer me to this, M[ast] Rat: when caught you this harm of yours?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> A while ago, sir, God he knoweth, within less than these two hours.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Dame Chat, was there none with you (confess, i' faith) about that season?<br /> +What, woman? let it be what it will, 'tis neither felony nor treason.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Yes, by my faith, Master Baily, there was a knave not far<br /> +Who caught one good filip on the brow with a door-bar,<br /> +And well was he worthy, as it seemed to me;<br /> +But what is that to this man, since this was not he?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Who was it then? let's hear!<br /> +<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span><i>Doctor Rat.</i> Alas, sir, ask you that?<br /> +Is it not made plain enough by the own mouth of dame Chat?<br /> +The time agreeth, my head is broken, her tongue cannot lie,<br /> +Only upon a bare nay she saith it was not I.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> No, marry, was it not indeed! ye shall hear by this one thing:<br /> +This afternoon a friend of mine for good-will gave me warning,<br /> +And bad me well look to my roost, and all my capons' pens,<br /> +For if I took not better heed, a knave would have my hens.<br /> +Then I, to save my goods, took so much pains as him to watch;<br /> +And as good fortune served me, it was my chance him for to catch.<br /> +What strokes he bare away, or other what was his gains,<br /> +I wot not, but sure I am he had something for his pains!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Yet tell'st thou not who it was.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Who it was? A false thief,<br /> +That came like a false fox, my pullen to kill and mischief!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> But knowest thou not his name?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> I know it, but what than?<br /> +It was that crafty cullion Hodge, my Gammer Gurton's man.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Call me the knave hither, he shall sure kiss the stocks.<br /> +I shall teach him a lesson for filching hens or cocks!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> I marvel, Master Baily, so bleared be your eyes;<br /> +An egg is not so full of meat, as she is full of lies:<br /> +When she hath played this prank, to excuse all this gear,<br /> +She layeth the fault in such a one as I know was not there.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Was he not there? look on his pate, that shall be his witness!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> I would my head were half so whole; I would seek no redress!<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span><br /> +<i>Baily.</i> God bless you, Gammer Gurton!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> God 'eild ye, master mine!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Thou hast a knave within thy house—Hodge, a servant of thine;<br /> +They tell me that busy knave is such a filching one,<br /> +That hen, pig, goose or capon, thy neighbour can have none.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> By God, cham much a-meved to hear any such report!<br /> +Hodge was not wont, ich trow, to have him in that sort.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> A thievisher knave is not on-live, more filching, nor more false;<br /> +Many a truer man than he has hanged up by the halse;<br /> +And thou, his dame—of all his theft thou art the sole receiver;<br /> +For Hodge to catch, and thou to keep, I never knew none better!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Sir reverence of your masterdom, and you were out a-door,<br /> +Chould be so bold, for all her brags, to call her arrant whore;<br /> +And ich knew Hodge as bad as t'ou, ich wish me endless sorrow<br /> +And chould not take the pains to hang him up before to-morrow!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> What have I stolen from thee or thine, thou ill-favor'd old trot?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> A great deal more, by God's blest, than chever by thee got!<br /> +That thou knowest well, I need not say it.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Stop there, I say,<br /> +And tell me here, I pray you, this matter by the way,<br /> +How chance Hodge is not here? him would I fain have had.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Alas, sir, he'll be here anon; a' be handled too bad.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Master Baily, sir, ye be not such a fool, well I know.<br /> +But ye perceive by this lingering there is a pad in the straw.<br /> +</p> + +<p class="center">[<i>Thinking that Hodge his head was broke, +and that Gammer would not let him come before them.</i></p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span> + +<p> +<i>Gammer.</i> Chill show you his face, ich warrant thee; lo, now where he is!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Come on, fellow, it is told me thou art a shrew, i-wis:<br /> +Thy neighbour's hens thou takest, and plays the two-legged fox;<br /> +Their chickens and their capons too, and now and then their cocks.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Ich defy them all that dare it say, cham as true as the best!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Wert not thou take within this hour in dame Chat's hens'-nest?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Take there? no, master; chould not do't for a house full of gold!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Thou, or the devil in thy coat—swear this I dare be bold.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> Swear me no swearing, quean, the devil he give thee sorrow!<br /> +All is not worth a gnat, thou canst swear till to-morrow!<br /> +Where is the harm he hath? show it, by God's bread!<br /> +Ye beat him with a witness, but the stripes light on my head!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Beat me! Gog's blessed body, chould first, ich trow, have burst thee!<br /> +Ich think, and chad my hands loose, callet, chould have crust thee!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Thou shitten knave, I trow thou knowest the full weight of my fist;<br /> +I am foully deceived unless thy head and my door-bar kissed.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Hold thy chat, whore; thou criest so loud, can no man else be heard?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Well, knave, and I had thee alone, I would surely rap thy costard!<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span><br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Sir, answer me to this: Is thy head whole or broken?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Yea, Master Baily, blest be every good token,<br /> +Is my head whole! Ich warrant you, 'tis neither scurvy nor scald!<br /> +What, you foul beast, does think 'tis either pild or bald?<br /> +Nay, ich thank God, chill not for all that thou may'st spend<br /> +That chad one scab on my narse as broad as thy finger's end.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Come nearer here!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Yes, that ich dare.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> By our Lady, here is no harm,<br /> +Hodge's head is whole enough, for all dame Chat's charm.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> By Gog's blest, however the thing he cloaks or smolders,<br /> +I know the blows he bare away, either with head or shoulders.<br /> +Camest thou not, knave, within this hour, creeping into my pens,<br /> +And there was caught within my house, groping among my hens?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> A plague both on the hens and thee! a cart, whore, a cart!<br /> +Chould I were hanged as high as a tree, and chwere as false as thou art!<br /> +Give my gammer again her washical thou stole away in thy lap!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Yea, Master Baily, there is a thing you know not on, mayhap;<br /> +This drab she keeps away my good, the devil he might her snare.<br /> +Ich pray you that ich might have a right action on her [fare].<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Have I thy good, old filth, or any such old sow's?<br /> +I am as true, I would thou knew, as skin between thy brows.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Many a truer hath been hanged, though you escape the danger!<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span><br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Thou shalt answer, by God's pity, for this thy foul slander!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Why, what can you charge her withal? to say so ye do not well.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Marry, a vengeance to her heart! the whore has stol'n my nee'le!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Thy needle, old witch! how so? it were alms thy soul to knock!<br /> +So didst thou say the other day, that I had stol'n thy cock.<br /> +And roasted him to my breakfast, which shall not be forgotten,<br /> +The devil pull out thy lying tongue and teeth that be so rotten!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Give me my nee'le! as for my cock, chould be very loth<br /> +That chould here tell he should hang on thy false faith and troth.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Your talk is such, I can scarce learn who should be most in fault.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Yet shall ye find no other wight, save she, by bread and salt!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Keep ye content a while, see that your tongues ye hold.<br /> +Methinks you should remember this is no place to scold.<br /> +How knowest thou, Gammer Gurton, dame Chat thy needle had?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> To name you, sir, the party, chould not be very glad.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Yea, but we must needs hear it, and therefore say it boldly.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Such one as told the tale full soberly and coldly,<br /> +Even he that looked on—will swear on a book—<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span>What time this drunken gossip my fair long nee'le up took,<br /> +Diccon, Master, the Bedlam, cham very sure ye know him.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> A false knave, by God's pity! ye were but a fool to trow him.<br /> +I durst aventure well the price of my best cap,<br /> +That when the end is known, all will turn to a jape,<br /> +Told he not you that besides she stole your cock that tide?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> No, master, no indeed; for then he should have lied.<br /> +My cock is, I thank Christ, safe and well a-fine.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Yea, but that rugged colt, that whore, that Tib of thine,<br /> +Said plainly thy cock was stol'n, and in my house was eaten.<br /> +That lying cut is lost that she is not swinged and beaten,<br /> +And yet for all my good name it were a small amends!<br /> +I pick not this gear, hear'st thou, out of my fingers' ends;<br /> +But he that heard it told me, who thou of late didst name,<br /> +Diccon, whom all men knows, it was the very same.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> This is the case: you lost your nee'le about the doors,<br /> +And she answers again, she hase no cock of yours;<br /> +Thus in you[r] talk and action, from that you do intend,<br /> +She is whole five mile wide, from that she doth defend.<br /> +Will you say she hath your cock?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> No, marry, sir, that chill not.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Will you confess her nee'le?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Will I? no, sir, will I not.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Then there lieth all the matter.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Soft, master, by the way!<br /> +Ye know she could do little, and she could not say nay.<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span><br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Yea, but he that made one lie about your cock-stealing,<br /> +Will not stick to make another, what time lies be in dealing.<br /> +I ween the end will prove this brawl did first arise<br /> +Upon no other ground but only Diccon's lies.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Though some be lies, as you belike have espied them,<br /> +Yet other some be true, by proof I have well tried them.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> What other thing beside this, dame Chat?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Marry, sir, even this.<br /> +The tale I told before, the self-same tale it was his;<br /> +He gave me, like a friend, warning against my loss,<br /> +Else had my hens be stol'n each one, by God's cross!<br /> +He told me Hodge would come, and in he came indeed,<br /> +But as the matter chanced, with greater haste than speed.<br /> +This truth was said, and true was found, as truly I report.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> If Doctor Rat be not deceived, it was of another sort.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> By God's mother, thou and he be a couple of subtle foxes!<br /> +Between you and Hodge I bear away the boxes.<br /> +Did not Diccon appoint the place, where thou should'st stand to meet him?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Yes, by the mass, and if he came, bad me not stick to spit him.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> God's sacrament! the villain knave hath dress'd us round about!<br /> +He is the cause of all this brawl, that dirty shitten lout!<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[57]</a></span>When Gammer Gurton here complained, and made a rueful moan,<br /> +I heard him swear that you had gotten her needle that was gone;<br /> +And this to try, he further said, he was full loth; howbeit<br /> +He was content with small ado to bring me where to see it.<br /> +And where ye sat, he said full certain, if I would follow his reed,<br /> +Into your house a privy way he would me guide and lead,<br /> +And where ye had it in your hands, sewing about a clout,<br /> +And set me in the back-hole, thereby to find you out:<br /> +And whiles I sought a quietness, creeping upon my knees,<br /> +I found the weight of your door-bar for my reward and fees.<br /> +Such is the luck that some men gets, while they begin to mell.<br /> +In setting at one such as were out, minding to make all well.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Was not well blest, gammer, to 'scape that stour? And chad been there,<br /> +Then chad been dress'd, belike, as ill, by the mass, as Gaffer Vicar.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Marry, sir, here is a sport alone; I looked for such an end.<br /> +If Diccon had not play'd the knave, this had been soon amend.<br /> +My gammer here he made a fool, and dress'd her as she was;<br /> +And goodwife Chat he set to scold, till both parts cried, alas!<br /> +And D[octor] Rat was not behind, whiles Chat his crown did pare.<br /> +I would the knave had been stark blind, if Hodge had not his share.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Cham meetly well-sped already among's, cham dress'd like a colt!<br /> +And chad not had the better wit, chad been made a dolt.<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[58]</a></span><br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Sir knave, make haste Diccon were here; fetch him, wherever he be!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Fie on the villain, fie, fie! that makes us thus agree!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Fie on him, knave, with all my heart! now fie, and fie again!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> Now "fie on him!" may I best say, whom he hath almost slain.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Lo, where he cometh at hand, belike he was not far!<br /> +Diccon, here be two or three thy company cannot spare.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> God bless you, and you may be bless'd, so many all at once!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> Come, knave, it were a good deed to geld thee, by Cock's bones!<br /> +Seest not thy handiwork? Sir Rat, can ye forbear him?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> A vengeance on those hands light, for my hands came not near him.<br /> +The whoreson priest hath lift the pot in some of these alewives' chairs,<br /> +That his head would not serve him, belike, to come down the stairs.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Nay, soft! thou may'st not play the knave, and have this language too!<br /> +If thou thy tongue bridle a while, the better may'st thou do.<br /> +Confess the truth, as I shall ask, and cease a while to fable;<br /> +And for thy fault I promise thee thy handling shall be reasonable.<br /> +Hast thou not made a lie or two, to set these two by the ears?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> What if I have? five hundred such have I seen within these seven years:<br /> +I am sorry for nothing else but that I see not the sport<br /> +Which was between them when they met, as they themselves report.<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[59]</a></span><br /> +<i>Baily.</i> The greatest thing—Master Rat, ye see how he is dress'd!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> What devil need he be groping so deep, in goodwife Chat's hens' nest?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Yea, but it was thy drift to bring him into the briars.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> God's bread! hath not such an old fool wit to save his ears?<br /> +He showeth himself herein, ye see, so very a cox,<br /> +The cat was not so madly allured by the fox<br /> +To run into the snares was set for him, doubtless;<br /> +For he leapt in for mice, and this Sir John for madness.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> Well, and ye shift no better, ye losel, lither, and lazy,<br /> +I will go near for this to make ye leap at a daisy.<br /> +In the king's name, Master Baily, I charge you set him fast.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> What! fast at cards or fast on sleep? it is the thing I did last.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> Nay, fast in fetters, false varlet, according to thy deeds.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Master Doctor, there is no remedy,<br /> +I must entreat you needs Some other kind of punishment.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> Nay, by All-Hallows!<br /> +His punishment, if I may judge, shall be nought else but the gallows.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> That were too sore; a spiritual man to be so extreme!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> Is he worthy any better, sir? how do you judge and deem?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> I grant him worthy punishment, but in no wise so great.<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[60]</a></span><br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> It is a shame, ich tell you plain, for such false knaves entreat.<br /> +He has almost undone us all—that is as true as steel—<br /> +And yet for all this great ado cham never the near my nee'le!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Canst thou not say anything to that, Diccon, with least or most?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Yea, marry, sir, thus much I can say well, the nee'le is lost.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Nay, canst not thou tell which way that needle may be found?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> No, by my fay, sir, though I might have an hundred pound.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Thou liar, lickdish, didst not say the nee'le would be gitten?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> No, Hodge; by the same token you were that time beshitten<br /> +For fear of hobgoblin—you wot well what I mean;<br /> +As long as it is since, I fear me yet ye be scarce clean.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Well, Master Rat, you must both learn and teach us to forgive.<br /> +Since Diccon hath confession made, and is so clean shreve,<br /> +If ye to me consent, to amend this heavy chance,<br /> +I will enjoin him here some open kind of penance,<br /> +Of this condition—where ye know my fee is twenty pence:<br /> +For the bloodshed, I am agreed with you here to dispense;<br /> +Ye shall go quit, so that ye grant the matter now to run<br /> +To end with mirth among us all, even as it was begun.<br /> +<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[61]</a></span><i>Chat.</i> Say yea, Master Vicar, and he shall sure confess to be your debtor,<br /> +And all we that be here present will love you much the better.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> My part is the worst; but since you all hereon agree,<br /> +Go even to, Master Baily! let it be so for me!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> How say'st thou, Diccon? art content this shall on me depend?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Go to, M[ast] Baily, say on your mind, I know ye are my friend.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Then mark ye well: To recompense this thy former action—<br /> +Because thou hast offended all, to make them satisfaction—<br /> +Before their faces here kneel down, and as I shall thee teach—<br /> +For thou shalt take an oath of Hodge's leather breech:<br /> +First, for Master Doctor, upon pain of his curse,<br /> +Where he will pay for all, thou never draw thy purse;<br /> +And when ye meet at one pot he shall have the first pull,<br /> +And thou shalt never offer him the cup but it be full.<br /> +To goodwife that thou shalt be sworn, even on the same wise,<br /> +If she refuse thy money once, never to offer it twice.<br /> +Thou shalt be bound by the same, here as thou dost take it,<br /> +When thou may'st drink of free cost, thou never forsake it.<br /> +For Gammer Gurton's sake, again sworn shalt thou be,<br /> +To help her to her needle again if it do lie in thee;<br /> +And likewise be bound, by the virtue of that,<br /> +To be of good a-bearing to Gib her great cat.<br /> +Last of all, for Hodge the oath to scan,<br /> +Thou shalt never take him for fine gentleman.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Come on, fellow Diccon, chall be even with thee now!<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[62]</a></span><br /> +<i>Baily.</i> Thou wilt not stick to do this, Diccon, I trow?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> No, by my father's skin, my hand down I lay it!<br /> +Look, as I have promised, I will not denay it.<br /> +But, Hodge, take good heed now, thou do not beshit me!<br /> +</p> + +<p class="center">[<i>And give him a good blow on the buttock.</i></p> + +<p> +<i>Hodge.</i> Gog's heart! thou false villain, dost thou bite me?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> What, Hodge, doth he hurt thee ere ever he begin?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> He thrust me into the buttock with a bodkin or a pin.<br /> +</p><p class="center">[<i>He discovers the needle.</i></p><p> +I say, gammer! gammer!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> How now, Hodge, how now?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> God's malt, gammer Gurton!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Thou art mad, ich trow!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Will you see the devil, gammer?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> The devil, son! God bless us!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Chould, [if] ich were hanged, gammer—<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Marry, see, ye might dress us—<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Chave it, by the mass, gammer!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> What, not my nee'le, Hodge?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Your nee'le, gammer! your nee'le!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> No, fie, dost but dodge!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Ch' a found your nee'le, gammer, here in my hand be it!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> For all the loves on earth, Hodge, let me see it!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Soft, gammer!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Good Hodge!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Soft, ich say; tarry a while!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Nay, sweet Hodge, say truth, and not me beguile!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Cham sure on it, ich warrant you; it goes no more astray.<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[63]</a></span><br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Hodge, when I speak so fair, wilt still say me nay?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Go near the light, gammer, this—well, in faith, good luck!—<br /> +Ch'was almost undone, 'twas so far in my buttock!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> 'Tis mine own dear nee'le, Hodge, sikerly I wot!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Cham I not a good son, gammer, cham I not?<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Christ's blessing light on thee, hast made me for ever!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Hodge.</i> Ich knew that ich must find it, else chould a' had it never!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Chat.</i> By my troth, gossip Gurton, I am even as glad<br /> +As though I mine own self as good a turn had!<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> And I, by my conscience, to see it so come forth,<br /> +Rejoice so much at it, as three needles be worth.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Doctor Rat.</i> I am no whit sorry to see you so rejoice.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Diccon.</i> Nor I much the gladder for all this noise;<br /> +Yet say, "Gramercy, Diccon!" for springing of the game.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Gammer.</i> Gramercy, Diccon, twenty times! O, how glad cham!<br /> +If that chould do so much, your masterdom to come hither,<br /> +Master Rat, Goodwife Chat, and Diccon together,<br /> +Cha but one halfpenny, as far as ich know it,<br /> +And chill not rest this night, till ich bestow it.<br /> +If ever ye love me, let us go in and drink.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Baily.</i> I am content, if the rest think as I think.<br /> +Master Rat, it shall be best for you if we so do,<br /> +Then shall you warm you and dress yourself too.<br /> +<br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[64]</a></span><i>Diccon.</i> Soft, sirs, take us with you, the company shall be the more!<br /> +As proud comes behind, they say, as any goes before!<br /> +But now, my good masters, since we must be gone,<br /> +And leave you behind us here all alone;<br /> +Since at our last ending thus merry we be,<br /> +For Gammer Gurton's needle sake, let us have a plaudite.<br /> +</p> + + +<p class="center">FINIS.</p> + + +<p class="center">Gurton. Perused and Allowed, &c. Imprinted at +London, in Fleetstreate, beneath the Conduite, at the +signe of S. John Euangelist, by Thomas Colwell, 1575.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i_083.png" width="500" height="523" alt="[The device of Thomas Colwell, the printer of "Gammer +Gurton's Needle."" title="" /> +<span class="caption">[The device of Thomas Colwell, the printer of "Gammer +Gurton's Needle."]</span> +</div><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[65]</a></span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>A NOTE-BOOK AND<br /> +WORD-LIST</h2> + +<h3>INCLUDING</h3> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Contemporary References, Notes, &c.,<br /> +together with a Glossary of Words<br /> +and Phrases now Archaic or<br /> +Obsolete; the whole arranged<br /> +in One Alphabet in<br /> +Dictionary<br /> +Form.</span></p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[66]</a></span> + + +<h2>A FORE-WORD TO NOTE-BOOK<br /> +AND WORD-LIST</h2> + + +<p class="center"><i>Reference from text to Note-Book is copious, and as +complete as may be. The following pages may, with +almost absolute certainty, be consulted on any point that +may occur in the course of reading.</i><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[67]</a></span></p> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 450px;"> +<img src="images/i_086.png" width="450" height="91" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<h2>NOTE-BOOK AND WORD-LIST<br /> +TO<br /> +GAMMER GURTON'S NEEDLE</h2> + +<ul> +<li>'A, the infinitive <i>have</i>.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">A-fine</span>, now, at the moment: +<i>i.e.</i> at the finish.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Alewives</span>, women keeping +ale-houses.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">All-hallows</span>, the old +name for All Saints' Day +(1st Nov.): formerly +ushered in by the ceremonies +and merrymakings +of All-Hallowe'en.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Alms</span>, <span class="smcap">Alms-deed</span>, charity, +godsend.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">A-meved</span>, moved, disturbed.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">And</span>, if.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Apern</span>, apron: the usual +early form of the word.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Arrayed</span>, (<i>a</i>) disconcerted, +afflicted, put out. +(<i>b</i>) bespattered.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Aventure</span>, venture, risk, +wager.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">A-wreak</span>, avenge.</li> +</ul> +<ul> +<li><span class="smcap">Back side</span>, at the back of +the house, backyard.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Bald</span>, short for bald-head, +bald-pate: a generic term of abuse.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Balks</span>, beams, rafters, an +overhead rack used for storing bacon.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Bedlam</span>, a crazy beggar, +real or assumed: properly a convalescent from Bethlehem Hospital, an +asylum for lunatics since 1547. Many of these unfortunates, being either +unable or unwilling to work, adopted vagrancy as a profession, the +Simon Pures being avouched by an official arm-badge. These were +considerably augmented by the often deserving (but more frequently +spurious) poor who had, until the dissolution of the monasteries, been +the special care of the religious.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Bet,</span> the old past tense of +<i>beat</i>: still dialectical.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Blest,</span> bliss.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Body-louse,</span> proud, conceited, +fine. Later we get <i>"brisk as a body-louse"</i> (Ray).</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Bonable,</span> abominable.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Boots,</span> avails, profits, is of +advantage, matters.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Borrow,</span> pledge, security.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Boulogne,</span> <i>Our dear Lady +of Boulogne,</i> the image of the Virgin Mary at Boulogne, formerly in so +much reverence that pilgrimages were made to it.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Brawl,</span> brat, offspring.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Bread and salt,</span> a common +sixteenth-century oath, probably as symbolising the necessaries of life.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Bursting,</span> breaking.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">By and by,</span> immediately.</li> +</ul> +<ul> +<li><span class="smcap">Callet,</span> a lewd woman, drab, scold.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Candle,</span> "a <i>candle</i> shall they have a piece." In +all cases of distress it was usual with Roman Catholics to promise their tutelary saints to +light up candles at their altars.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Chad,</span> see Cham.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Cham,</span> I am. The rustic dialect in the piece is +conventional, but its general peculiarities are those of the south-western +counties: <i>iche</i> = I, reduced to <i>ch</i> in <i>cham</i>, <i>chould</i>, or <i>chwold</i> +(I would), <i>chwere</i>, &c. The south-western <i>v</i> for <i>f</i> is not generally used, +but occurs in <i>vylthy</i>, <i>vast</i>, and in <i>vathers</i>; <i>glaye</i> (p. 5) for clay is +probably not genuine dialect.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Channot,</span> see Cham.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Chave,</span> see Cham.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Chill,</span> see Cham.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Chold,</span> I hold. <i>To hold a noble</i> = to wager or bet.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Chope,</span> see Cham.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Chwold,</span> see Cham.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Cloth,</span> "painted on a <i>cloth</i>," the cloth hangings +of taverns on which were depicted such popular themes as the Nine Worthies, the Prodigal +Son, and, as in this case, Friar Rush (<i>q.v.</i>).</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Coat,</span> see Walk.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Cock's Body, Cock's Passion, Cock's Precious,</span> +&c., a corruption of God: euphemistic.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Cock's Mother</span> (p. 44), see previous entry: the +reader must not fall into the error of thinking that Gammer Gurton is here meant.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Cologne,</span> "the three kings of <i>Cologne</i>." These are +supposed to have been the wise men who travelled to Bethlehem by the direction of the star. +To these kings have been given the names of Gaspar, Melchior, and Balthazar.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Commodity</span>, a word which formerly had plenty to +do: anything that afforded advantage, interest, or convenience was <i>commodity</i>—profit, +interest, accommodation, opportunity, wares, goods, movables, and even harlots.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Costard</span>, (<i>a</i>) the head, pate.<br /> +(<i>b</i>) a large kind of apple.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Counsel</span>, in secrecy, confidence.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Cox</span>, a coxcomb, fool: jesters formerly wore a +cap surmounted by a comb or crest resembling that of a cock: cf. cokes = fool.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Crab</span>, <i>i.e.</i> a roasted crabapple put in a bowl of +ale: it served a double purpose, to flavour and also to "chill" the beverage.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Crust</span>, crushed.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Cullion</span>, poltroon, base contemptible fellow: a +generic term of abuse.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Curtal</span>, a short-tailed horse, one docked in the +tail.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Cut</span>, a gelding: hence of both sexes, but specifically +of women.</li> +</ul><ul> +<li><span class="smcap">Daintrels</span>, dainties, delicacies, luxuries.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Daisy</span>, "leap at a <i>daisy</i>," be hanged. The allusion +is to a story of a man who, when the noose was adjusted round his neck, leapt off with the +words, "Have at yon daisy that grows yonder."</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Defy</span>, refuse, deny, renounce.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Diccon</span>, a nickname for Richard: see Bedlam.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Disease</span>, anxiety, trouble: originally general in +meaning = absence of ease.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Doat</span>, rave, act the fool.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Dock</span>, tail, backside: <i>i.e.</i> get his backside kicked.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Dodge</span>, "ga' me the <i>dodge</i>," <i>i.e.</i> cheated, +tricked me.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Drab</span>, a generic reproach—strumpet, slattern, slut.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Dress'd</span>, served out, done for.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Dump</span>, ill of ease, melancholy: now obsolete in the singular.</li> +</ul><ul> +<li><span class="smcap">Everychone</span>, everyone.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Eke</span>, also, besides, likewise, moreover: still occasional in poetry.</li> +</ul><ul> +<li><span class="smcap">Fellow</span>, (<i>a</i>) "originally a courteous mode of addressing +a servant, like the French <i>mon ami</i>: here <i>fellow</i> = comrade" +(Bradley).<br /> +(<i>b</i>) "Not thy <i>fellow</i>, but thy dame," <i>i.e.</i> not thy equal, but thy mistress.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Filth</span>, vile person: a strong reproach.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Flying fiend</span>, the devil.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Forty</span>, generic for an indefinite number: forty +pence (or ten groats) = the sum commonly offered for a small wager. Several law fees +were fixed at that sum, viz., 3s. 4d.; and when money was reckoned by pounds, marks, and +nobles, forty pence was just the half-noble, or the sixth of a pound.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Fox</span>, "allured by the <i>fox</i>," see <i>History of Reynard +the Fox</i> (1701), vii. (Steevens).</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Friar Rush</span>, the principal character in a popular folk-lore story translated +from the German. The devil, in friar's garb, seeking to corrupt a convent of monks by delicious fare, assumes +human shape, knocks at the door, and is admitted as cook's boy. A favourable opportunity +enabling him to dispose of his chief in a boiling cauldron, he is appointed to his place. The virtue +of the convent is now at his mercy: the monks forget prayer and fasting over Ruus' exquisite +cookery. Strife and wantonness creep in, and the monks are all but lost, when a peasant who has +involuntarily overheard a conclave of devils discussing Ruus, discloses his true nature. The +abbot, summoning all the monks into the church, seizes Ruus, transforms him into a red horse, and commits +him to the power of hell (Herford). There are several versions, the earliest known English +one bearing date 1620, but the Stationers' Company registers show it as entered in 1568-9. +That the story was extremely popular is obvious from numerous contemporary allusions.</li> +</ul><ul> +<li><span class="smcap">Gaffer</span>, formerly a respectful address, but now in +contempt: a corruption of <i>granfer</i>, itself a corruption of <i>grandfather</i>. +The co-relative is <i>gammer</i> (<i>q.v.</i>).</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Gammer</span>, an old wife, old lady: formerly, like <i>gaffer</i> +(which see), a respectful address. <i>Gammer</i> = grammer = grandmother.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Gear</span>, a word, if not of-all-work, with plenty to +do—goods, property in general, outfit, tools, necessaries, materials, stuffs, matters, business, +affairs, manners, habits, customs, rubbish, trash—all are included: sometimes = affair, contention.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Gib</span>, (<i>a</i>) a generic name for male cats: hence a +common reproach.<br /> +(<i>b</i>) "To set the gib forward" = to expedite matters: proverbial.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Gis</span>, <span class="smcap">Gys</span>, <span class="smcap">Jis</span>, &c., Jesus: +supposed by some to be a corruption of the letters I.H.S. anciently set on altars, covers of +books, &c., to denote the name of Jesus: rather, however, from the name itself.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Gitten</span>, got.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Glay</span>, see Cham.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Glooming</span>, sulking: cf. "glum."</li> +<li><span class="smcap">God</span>, "God 'ield you" (p. 143a), <i>i.e.</i> God yield you = God +reward you: the compositor has duplicated the <i>d</i> of <i>God</i> in the next word: cf. <i>Good +den</i>, <i>God deven</i> = good e'en.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Gog's</span> (<i>passim</i>), God's. Thus, Gog's blest, Gog's +bones, Gog's bread, Gog's cross, Gog's malison, Gog's sacrament, Gog's sides, Gog's soul, +Gog's wounds.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Good</span>, property.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Gossip</span>, a sponsor in baptism: hence an intimate acquaintance, neighbour.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Grammercy</span>, an exclamation of surprise and thanks: Fr. <i>grand merci</i>.</li> +</ul><ul> +<li><span class="smcap">Halse</span>, neck, throat.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Have</span>, behave.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Hoddepeak</span>, fool, cuckold.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Hold</span>, wager, bet.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Honesty</span>, the honest sort of people.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Hood</span>, "I can drink With him that wears a <i>hood</i>," +<i>i.e.</i> a friar; an allusion to their notoriously drunken habits.</li> +</ul><ul> +<li><span class="smcap">Inowe</span>, enough.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">I-wis</span>, <span class="smcap">I-wys</span>, certainly, indeed, +truly.</li> +</ul><ul> +<li><span class="smcap">Jakes</span>, privy, cesspool: Gammer racks her vocabulary for terms of reproach.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Jape</span>, jest, joke.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Jet</span>, <span class="smcap">Jetteth</span>, in modern phrase to put on "side" +(in word or act), brag, strut, vaunt, swagger: also in a weaker sense = to go.</li> +</ul><ul> +<li><span class="smcap">Kind</span>, nature.</li> +</ul><ul> +<li><span class="smcap">Lead</span>, copper.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Lese</span>, lose.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Let</span>, hindrance, hinder: archaic except in the +phrase "without let or hindrance."</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Leve</span>, dear, beloved: <i>i.e. lief</i>.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Lickdish</span>, parasite.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Lither</span>, sluggish, spiritless, or as Hazlitt says +"wicked," but the true reading is an open question.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Longs</span>, is appropriate to, fitting for, beseeming.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Loose-breech</span>, a slovenly lout.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Lose</span> (p. 27), read <i>lese</i> for the rhyme.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Losel</span>, a generic reproach—profligate, rake, scoundrel; +and (in weakened form) ne'er-do-well, good-for-nothing.</li> +</ul><ul> +<li><span class="smcap">Malt-worm</span>, tippler, toper.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Mas</span>, a vulgar or jocular shortening of <i>master</i>, +usually followed by a proper name or official title: also Mast.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Masterdom</span>, mastership.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Mell</span>, meddle, fight, interfere.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Meve</span>, move.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Minds</span>, intends, purposes.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Minions</span>, wantons, strumpets: also in a weaker sense, favourite, darling.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Mo</span>, more.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Moiling</span>, ado, toiling.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Mot</span>, may.</li> +</ul><ul> +<li><span class="smcap">Narse</span>, one of many instances in which <i>n</i> is +found prefixed to a word properly commencing with a vowel: cf. <i>newt</i>, +<i>nickname</i>, <i>nuncle</i>; also the converse flexion omitting <i>n</i>, <i>adder</i>, <i>apron</i>, +<i>umpire</i>, <i>orange</i>, for <i>nadder</i>, <i>napron</i>, <i>numpire</i>, <i>norange</i>.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Nawl</span>, awl: see previous entry.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Ne</span>, nor.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Near</span>, nearer.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Nicely</span>, carefully, quietly, gently.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Noble</span>, coin value 6s. 8d.: see Chold and Hold.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Nother</span>, neither, nor.</li> +</ul><ul> +<li><span class="smcap">On-live</span>, alive, of which on-live is an earlier form.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Or</span>, ere.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Ought</span>, owed.</li> +</ul><ul> +<li><span class="smcap">Pad</span>, see Straw.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Palter</span>, to speak indistinctly, mumble.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Parts</span>, parties.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Party</span>, person: once literary but now vulgar.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Patch</span>, (<i>a</i>) fool, buffoon, jester: the nickname of +Cardinal Wolsey's domestic fool, whose real name was Sexton. Murray suggests the influence +of It. <i>pazzo</i> (= fool), combined with the motley wear of professional buffoons.<br /> +(<i>b</i>), beat, drub, +"dust."</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Patins</span>, "it went on <i>patins</i>" (p. 27), <i>i.e.</i> a +great clatter was made: often used figuratively of the tongue.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Perfit</span>, perfect.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Pes</span>, hassock: an East Anglian word.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Pigsnie</span>, an endearment.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Pild</span>, stripped, shorn: whether by shaving or disease.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Pill</span>, plunder, strip.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Pin</span>, latch, bolt.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Pissing while</span>, a short time.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Planch</span>, to plank on: <i>i.e.</i> to plaster by patching all round.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Pouped</span>, deceived.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Prancome</span>, anything odd or strange, a trick, device.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Puddings</span>, entrails, guts.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Pullen</span>, poultry.</li> +</ul><ul> +<li><span class="smcap">Quean</span>, a wanton.</li> +</ul><ul> +<li><span class="smcap">Rakes</span> (p. 32), a term of abuse: not found elsewhere, +and seemingly chosen because of the jingle: cf. the whole passage. Possibly an abbreviated +form of Rakehell or Rakeshame.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Ramp</span>, wanton, strumpet.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Rave</span>, talk wildly, without thought.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Receiver</span> (p. 51), "perhaps we should read <i>recetter</i> +for the sake of the rhyme" (Bradley).</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Rechless</span>, "swear to Diccon, +<i>rechless</i>" (p. 19), reckless: <i>i.e.</i> without reservation, not minding the sense of the humorous +oath which the Baily administers. Another example of similar fooling is the Highgate oath +which travellers toward London were required to take at a certain tavern at Highgate—that they +would not prefer small beer before strong, unless indeed they liked the small better; never to +kiss the maid if they could kiss the mistress, unless the maid was prettier; and other statements +of a similar kind.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Reed</span>, (<i>a</i>) rood.<br /> +(<b>b</b>) counsel, advice.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Rig</span>, strumpet.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Right side</span>, "thou rose not on thy <i>right side</i>" +p. 17), <i>i.e.</i> "you did not commence the day well," "you are not lucky."</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Romth</span>, room, space.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Rotten</span>, rat.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Rush</span>, see Friar Rush.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">St. Charity</span>, a known saint among Roman Catholics.</li> +</ul><ul> +<li><span class="smcap">St. Dominic</span>, the founder of the order of Dominicans or Black Friars: +the order was approved by Pope Innocent III. in 1215, and was established in London, building +the Convent of the Blackfriars in 1276: the name is perpetuated in the bridge.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Scabb'd Horse</span>, sorry "screw" of a horse: <i>scabb'd</i> and <i>scald</i> (q.v.) +are synonymous, and both are used in contempt.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Scald</span>, scabby, mean, sorry: hence <i>scald squire</i> = a +term of contempt; <i>scald</i> (or <i>skald</i>), subs. = a mean wretch.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Seven</span>, proverbial, according to the context, for +an indefinite length of time.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Shave</span>, extort, strip, cheat.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Shoeing-horn</span>, a pretext, an incitement.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Shreve</span>, shrive, confess, absolve: <i>shreve</i> by poetic licence.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Shrew</span>, (<i>a</i>) curse, call over the coals.<br /> +(<i>b</i>) the word was formerly applied in contempt to both sexes.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Shrive</span>, confess: see Shreve.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Sikerly</span>, securely, certainly.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Sir John</span>, a priest.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Sir Reverence</span>, an apology on mentioning anything for which an +excuse was thought necessary. Lat. <i>salvâ reverentiâ</i>, whence sa' reverence, sur-reverence, +and sir-reverence.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Sith</span>, <span class="smcap">Sithens</span>, since, because.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Slip</span>, neglect.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Smell</span>, detect, understand, "twig."</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Smolders</span>, smothers.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Sort</span>, company, assembly.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Sossing</span>, dashing, sousing.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Spurrier</span>, harness-maker.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Squirt</span>, diarrhœa, squitters.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Stewed whore</span>, a foundered jade of the stews.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Stick</span>, be scrupulous, hesitate.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Stound</span>, trouble, disaster, blow: also interval, +time, station, place—hence, generally, circumstances, exigence, situation.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Stour</span>, uproar, tumult.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Straw</span>, "a pad in the <i>straw</i>," toad: <i>i.e.</i> something +lurking or hidden.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Swink</span>, labour, drudgery.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Swyth</span>, with vigour and speed, promptly, quickly.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Tar-leather</span>, a term of abuse.</li> +</ul><ul> +<li><span class="smcap">The</span>, "so mote I <i>the</i>," so may I thrive.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Throat-bole</span>, gullet, windpipe.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Tossing</span>, first-rate, sharp.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">T'ou</span>, thou.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Town</span>, "the ground attached to the house: cf. +Scots <i>toun</i>" (Bradley).</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Toys</span>, generic for trifles, persons, and things of +little importance, tricks, fancies, &c.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Trot</span>, old woman; usually in contempt, and = drab, slut, strumpet.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Trowl</span>, "<i>trowl</i> to me the bowl" (p. 15), a common +phrase in drinking for passing the vessel about.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Trump</span>, the card game of triumph.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Twenty devil way</span>, a favourite malediction: <i>i.e.</i> in the name of +twenty devils.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Two-legged fox</span>, a thief, <i>two-legged cat</i> is a colloquialism +which is still of service in everyday speech as a retort to blame put on a cat for stealing—"a <i>two-legged +cat</i>, then!"</li> +</ul><ul> +<li><span class="smcap">Washical</span>, <i>i.e.</i> What shall I call [it]; in modern +guise, Whatch-em-may-call-it, &c.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Weet</span>, learn, know.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Wese</span>, we shall.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Whewling</span>, crying, blubbering, fretful.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Wide</span>, wide of the mark: cf. modern slang usage = well-informed, +clever, &c.</li> +<li><span class="smcap">Woll</span>, will.</li> +</ul><ul> +<li><span class="smcap">Yede</span>, went.</li> +</ul> + +<p class="center">R. CLAY AND SONS, LTD., BREAD ST. HILL, E.C., AND BUNGAY, SUFFOLK.</p> + + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>The Museum Dramatists</h2> + +<h3>REPRINTS OF NOTABLE PLAYS</h3> + +<h4><i>Each Volume complete in itself, with Introduction, +Glossary, and Facsimile Title-pages</i></h4> + +<p class="center">Price per Vol., boards, <b>1/6</b> net; cloth, <b>2/-</b> net</p> +<hr style="width: 35%;" /> +<h3>The Initial Volumes are:—</h3> +<h4>1. Gammer Gurton's Needle.</h4> +<h4>2. Heywood's (J.) Four P.P. and The Pardoner +and the Frere.</h4> +<h4>3. Every Man.</h4> +<h4>4. Tom Tiler and his Wife.</h4> +<hr style="width: 35%;" /> +<h4><i>These will be followed by others selected from +the following</i>:—</h4> + +<h4>Calisto and Melibæa</h4> +<h4>Jack Juggler</h4> +<h4>John John the Husband, +Tib his Wife, and Sir +John the Priest</h4> +<h4>Grim the Collier of +Croydon</h4> +<h4>The Puritan, or the +Widow of Watling +Street (Pseudo-Shakespearian)</h4> +<h4>Fair Em (Pseudo-Shakespearian)</h4> +<h4>Hickscorner</h4> +<h4>Thersites</h4> +<h4>Patient Grissel</h4> +<h4>The Three Ladies of +London</h4> +<h4>The Three Lords and +Three Ladies of London</h4> +<h4>The Two Angry Women +of Abingdon</h4> +<h4>A Knack to Know a Knave</h4> +<h4>Warning to Fair Women</h4> +<h4>Dr. Dodypoll</h4> +<h4>The Miseries of Enforced +Marriage</h4> +<h4>The Nice Wanton</h4> +<h4>The Play of Love</h4> +<h4>Wine, Beer, and Ale</h4> +<h4>&c., &c., &c.</h4> + + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Gammer Gurton's Needle, by Mr. S. 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