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diff --git a/37414.txt b/37414.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ce3d0a4 --- /dev/null +++ b/37414.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1057 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The World Turned Upside Down, by E. C. Clayton + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The World Turned Upside Down + +Author: E. C. Clayton + +Release Date: September 13, 2011 [EBook #37414] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WORLD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN *** + + + + +Produced by Emmy, Marilynda Fraser-Cunliffe and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by the University of Florida Digital Collections.) + + + + + + + + +[Illustration: Lith. Emrik & Binger, Haarlem.] + + + + +[Illustration] + +_THE WORLD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN._ + +BY E. C. CLAYTON. + + + LONDON: + DEAN & SON, 160A, FLEET STREET, E.C., + PUBLISHERS AND CHRISTMAS CARD MANUFACTURERS. + + + + +THE FOOLISH COAT. + + +THE Coat was in a downright rage. + +"To be beaten, and caned, and cuffed, and shaken, two or three times +a-day," cried he, whisking his tails about like an angry lion, "I say +it's a shame." + +"If you were not well thrashed," said the Cane, "you'd soon get thick +with dust, and _then_ I'd like to know how you'd look." + +"So _I_ say," remarked the Hat. + +"It's all very well for you to talk, Mr. Cane," said the Coat, still +more in a rage. "Nobody ever hits you, and if they did, you could hit +back. And as for you, Mr. Hat, nobody ever thinks of punching you, +except in fun. You have a nice soft brush all to yourself." + +"Well, are you not brushed as well?" asked the Hat. + +"I don't mind being brushed," said the Coat, "but the next time Mr. +Valet comes along, and hits me, I'll--I'll--" then he growled something +to himself, whisked his tails, and added, "_See_ if I don't." + +In came the Valet, and bustled about. The Coat eyed him, and when he +came close, caught him up with _such_ a clutch. + +"Hallo, hallo, hallo!" cried the Valet. "What are you doing?" + +But the Coat hung the Valet on a nail, and snatched up the Cane. + +"Now, look here, Mister Valet," said he. "I'm not going to be dusted and +beaten and thumped. I'm just going to show you what it feels like, +Mister Valet." + +"What are you talking about, you stupid old Coat?" said the Valet. + +"I'll let you see," said the Coat, flourishing the Cane. + +The Cane could not help himself, for he was thin. + +Thump, thump, thump, went the Coat, blowing out such clouds and clouds +of dust from the Valet's clothes, never remembering he was covering +himself with dust, and making himself look shockingly shabby. The Valet +called out as loud as he could for help, but nobody heard him, and the +Coat kept on thumping till his sleeves fairly ached. Then he dropped the +Cane, fell on the dirty floor, and whisked his tails with great +satisfaction. + +The Cane jumped up, and lifted down the Valet, who went off to his own +room. + +A few days after, the master came in, and looked at the Coat, which he +had meant to wear at a jolly garden party. + +"Oh," said he, "how dreadfully shabby that Coat looks." + +"Yes, sir," said the Valet, "he won't allow himself to be brushed or +dusted." + +"Oh, won't he?" said the Master, "that's all very fine, but it won't do +for me." So he seized the Cane, and gave the Coat one good thump. But +such a cloud of dust came out of the Coat that the Master threw down the +Cane, and ran to the door. + +"Oh," cried he, "I can't wear that frightful old thing any more. It is +disgracefully shabby and dusty. Sell it to the first 'ole clo'' man that +comes along." But he took the Hat, and went to the nice party. + +And what do you think became of this foolish Coat? Why, he was hung on a +stick in a field to make a scare-crow. And serve him right, a stupid +thing. + + + + +ALF AND THE PARROT. + + + The old Poll Parrot was in a rage; + He bounced and spluttered about in his cage. + + The reason he felt so much displeased + Was because young Alf had worried and teased. + + He pecked, and bobbed, and knocked with his beak, + Too much enraged to be able to speak. + + To tease him was a scandalous shame: + Alf was a bad boy, and much to blame. + + "I tell you, young Alf," at last Poll said, + "If you don't leave off, I'll snap off your head. + + "You think you're allowed to tease a bird. + Now, that idea's extremely absurd. + + "One thing, young Alf, is certain and sure-- + Your worry and bother no more I'll endure. + + "Another thing, Alf, is also clear: + I mean to walk out, and lock you in here." + + Poor Alfy screamed and bawled with rage + When Poll marched out, and put _him_ in the cage! + + Cried Alf, "I think this horrible bird + Is going to be as good as his word." + + Laughed old Poll, as he perched on a chair, + "You thought to punish you I'd never dare. + + "You may bawl or howl, or scream and rage-- + I'm going to lock the door of the cage!" + + Alfy did cry out--Oh! didn't he shout, + When he found the Parrot would not let him out! + + Said Poll, "My dear boy, it's now _our_ turn; + The world's upside down, as you have to learn." + + So Alf was forced to make up his mind + In the cage of the Parrot to be confined. + +[Illustration] + + + + +THE CLEVER HARE. + + +"TO be hunted, and trapped, and watched for by night, and--and--I don't +know what, is most abominable!" said the Hare. + +Some dogs had frightened him, and he had run--run like a hare, in fact, +and then sat down upon his form to think. The dogs had not stood upon +ceremony, so he didn't choose to stand upon forms, but sat down +comfortably. + +He twitched his ears, and scratched his wig, and thought. + +"And I won't put up with it--_there_," said he, aloud. "It's only +cowardice putting up with things. I'll get some fellows to help me, and +we'll hunt the dogs." + +At that moment he heard a sound. + +"Wow! bow, wow, wow!" barked some dog, a little way off. + +The Hare jumped up again, and flew off as quick as his legs would carry +him. After running some distance, he sat down again, but this time he +found neither forms nor ceremonies. + +But he found something that was better. A gun and a sportsman's bag were +lying near, and he eyed them. + +"I wonder if that gun would go off if I touched it!" he said to himself. + +He walked round and round it, and then cautiously pawed it. No: it +didn't seem to have the least idea of going off. + +Then he lifted it up, and grew quite bold. + +"I wonder if I could shoot anything?" thought he. + +He aimed at a bird, and brought it down. + +[Illustration] + +"Bravo, bravo, bravo!" cried he. "I'll take this gun, and then if +anybody tries to torment or to catch me, I'll--I'll kill them." + +He hung the bag round his waist, and put the gun on his shoulder, then +walked off to his home. On the way, a boy ran at him, and cried "Bo!" +but he just pointed the gun, and the boy ran away. + +The Hare lived all by himself, but he was very comfortable. Nobody could +bother him, and he would have been quite content only for the men and +the dogs. + +Every day he practised with his gun till he got to be very skilful. + + "Just let them come along + And they shall all soon see, + That they're all in the wrong + To plague and bother me. + + Although I'm but a hare, + I think I'm very smart, + And can--let them beware-- + Right well take my own part." + +So he sang, as he sat one day polishing up his gun. + +As he was busily at work, he heard a noise, and cocked his ear. Tramp, +tramp, tramp, came along some one--a man. It was a poacher, who said to +himself he was going to catch a fine fat Hare. The man cast an eye +round, but the Hare hid, and watched. + +Then the man stole nearer, and peeped round a tree. + +"Aha!" said the Hare. "You want to catch me, and eat me, don't you? But +I am going to catch you, and boil you for my supper." + +The man only laughed, for it was preposterous the idea of a Hare +catching a man, instead of a man catching a hare. + +And the Hare just cocked his gun, put it to his shoulder, and fired. +Then he did kill the poacher, and took him home, and stewed him with +mushrooms for supper. + +[Illustration] + + + + +THE STRONG MAN AND THE INVALID + + +"WHERE'S the good of going on grumble, grumble, grumble, all the day +long?" said the strong Man to the Invalid. "Why, you get petted and have +extra nice things to eat, beautiful bunches of grapes, and boiled +chickens, and I don't know what." + +"If you were _me_, you would not talk like that," said the Invalid, in a +poor sick weak voice. "I'd eat dry bread, and never ask to be petted at +all if I were strong, like you." + +The Strong Man laughed, as if he didn't believe the Invalid. + +"I have to work hard all day, and nobody seems to care a bit whether I'm +tired or not," said he. "But if you only have a finger ache, everybody +is running about trying to find something to do you good. And they come +and read to you, and bring you flowers, and--and--" + +"You just take my place for a day or two, and see how you'd like it," +said the Invalid. + +"Um--well, I shouldn't like to be ill, you know," said the Strong Man. +"I shouldn't like to lie in bed, nor have the doctor coming to see me, +because he'd give me nasty stuff to take." + +"I'll be your doctor," said the Invalid. "But you must lie in bed. Come, +take my place." + +The Strong Man was ashamed to refuse. + +"Well, now you are comfortable, I suppose," said the Invalid, tucking +him in. "You must try to doze a little." + +[Illustration: Lith. Emrik & Binger, Haarlem.] + +"But I'm not sleepy," said the Strong Man. + +"You'll soon be tired, and go to sleep," said the Invalid. "I'm going +away, but shall be back in an hour or two." + +When he went away, the place seemed dreadfully dull. Not a sound was to +be heard except the barking of a dog in a farm-yard near, and the cluck +cluck of some hens. + +"Dear, dear," said the Strong Man, "this is very tiresome." + +Presently an old lady looked in. + +"Poor dear, poor dear," said she, "I will read a nice book to you." + +So she sat down and read out of a book. But the Strong Man didn't care +about the book, and he thought the old lady stupid. + +Then she went away, and by-and-by, a kind old gentleman came in with +some chicken, and a glass of wine, and some beautiful white bread. + +"Here," said he, "Take this, it will do you good." + +But the Strong Man didn't feel hungry, and he was tired and cross by +this time, so he wouldn't have any of it. Then some more people came in, +and talked to him, and told him the Invalid had gone to see the reapers, +and tried to be kind to him. Then at last everybody stole away on +tiptoe, and left him alone. + +Then the Invalid came back. But by that time the Strong Man had had +quite enough of being shut up in a sick room, so he jumped up, and ran +to the door. + +"I see you are not much to be envied," said he to the Invalid. "I don't +think I shall ever envy anybody again so long as I have health and +strength." + + + + +THE KITE'S LITTLE GAME + + +THE Kite laughed and chuckled to himself until his paper fairly +crackled. + +"We shall have such a game," said he to his paper Tails. + +"We mostly do," squeaked the Tails. + +There were eighteen of them, and they were all very frisky. + +The Kite first winked one eye, then the other, then winked both +together. + +I'm afraid he was rather a vulgar sort of a Kite, but he was very jolly. +His eyes were inclined to be goggly, yellow round the outside, with red +in the middle. He was not a particularly good-looking Kite--in fact, he +was really ugly--but he was very funny, and loved a joke. + +The string suddenly wakened up out of a nap, hearing talk going on, "Eh, +what's that?" said he. + +"Don't know," said the Tails. + +The Kite laughed again, and shook his round ears, and showed all his +teeth in one wide grin. "We'll have a game this afternoon," said he, +once more. + +"Oh," said the String. "We mostly do." + +The Kite stuck up his pointed chin, and shook his red paper beard. "I +mean a different sort of game to what _you_ mean," said he. "You mean, +we have a game when young Walter takes us out. But I don't mean _that_." + +"Then what _do_ you mean?" said the String, who didn't care about +guessing. + +"When he takes us out, we have to go where _he_ likes, and fly when he +chooses us to fly," said the Kite. "Now _I_ mean, we'll fly young +Walter." + +"Eh?" said the String. + +[Illustration] + +The String was rather sleepy-headed, and didn't take in new ideas very +quickly. He was so astonished now that he unrolled himself several +yards, and wriggled about round the Kite, to look at him, as if he must +be out of his mind. + +"Eh?" said all the Tails, after a flutter of surprise. But they thought +it was a joke, and that the Kite only meant to be funny. The Kite +straightened himself, and looked very important. "When I say a thing, I +mean it," said he, in a dignified manner. + +"Well, but--" said one Tail, timidly. + +"_Well_, but what?" snapped the Kite. "You don't know what you're +talking about. I say we'll fly--" + +At that minute up came Walter. He took hold of the Kite, and was winding +up the String, when the Kite said-- + +"Master Walter, let's fly _you_ to day!" + +Walter stared and laughed. + +"You couldn't," said he. "You're only made of paper." + +"Let us try," said the Kite. + +"I mustn't go far, then," said Walter, "because my mother would wonder +where I was." + +So the String was tied about Walter, and up he flew. It was very jolly, +and he flew here and there like a bird. The Kite and the String were +delighted, and the Tails kept on a chatter, chatter, chatter, like +eighteen little magpies all in a row. But the Kite found it hard work +after a time. He had to mind the string, and watch lest Walter should +tumble down, and keep on doing this and doing that, instead of +pleasantly fluttering about. He got cross and grumpy at last. "I think +the old way's the best," said he. "Next time I'll go up. Old ways are +best, after all." + +[Illustration] + + + + +THE BIRDS AND THE FISHES. + + + I think you will own + That it is very rare + To see fishes and frogs + Sail about in the air, + + While the birds and the poultry + Are swimming about + Like so many mackerel + Or pikes, sprats, or trout, + + In old times, the fishes, + And birds, were content + To remain all their lives + In their _own_ element. + + Things are different now: + They have changed the old times, + Turned the world topsy-turvy, + With no reasons or rhymes. + + But I think you'll agree + It is simply absurd + For a fish to pretend + He is just like a bird. + + But for birds to be fishes + Is really as bad: + One would fancy they all + Had surely gone mad. + + For fishes cold water, + For birds a warm nest, + Of all places, truly, + Is _the_ very best. + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Lith. Emrik & Binger, Haarlem.] + + + + +THE WONDERFUL SHOW. + + +ONE fine summer's afternoon, the Lion went trotting home in high good +humour. As he went along, he kept muttering and grinning to himself, as +if mightily pleased. When he got home, he banged at the door of his den +with his tail. A Lion's tail is very strong and hard, you know, stronger +and harder than any bell rope. The Lioness, his wife, was out at the +back, combing out the manes of her young Lions, but presently she came +and opened the door. + +"My dear," cried the Lion, "_such_ a piece of news!" + +"Oh, indeed?" said the Lioness. "Have you found some travellers to eat?" + +"Better than _that_," said the Lion, all a-glow, rubbing his paws. + +"Oh, in-_deed_," said the Lioness, smiling. "Then it must be very good +indeed." + +"Yes," said the Lion. "Just guess, my love." + +"How _can_ I guess? I never was good at guessing. Besides, you could +tell me quicker than I could guess," said the Lion's wife. + +"How clever you are," said the Lion, putting his tawny head on one side, +and looking admiringly at his queen. "Perhaps telling _is_ the quickest +way after all. Well--" Then he stopped, as if to tantalize. + +"Well--what? How tiresome you are," said the Lioness. + +"They have brought a cageful of humans to the town, and all the Beasts +and all the Birds are going to see the show." + +"_What!_" cried the Lioness, so astonished that she could hardly believe +her ears. + +The Lion skipped right round the parlour three times, snapping his +claws like castanets. "Yes," said he, gleefully, "they used to lock _us_ +up, and let people pay to see us, and call us Wild Beasts, and +Carnivora, and all sorts of ugly names. But times are changed. I wonder +how they'll like it? We'll take our little beasts of children to see the +show." + +"You _shouldn't_ call the little ducks Beasts," said the Lioness. "I +wonder you don't call them a parcel of Cubs." + +"Well, they _are_ Beasts and Cubs, ain't they?" said the Lion. + +"Well, never mind, I won't have them spoken of like that," said his +wife. "When will you take me and the darling pets to see this wonderful +show?" + +"Come now," said the Lion, jingling his money in the purse he carried in +the end of his tail. + +"Oh, I'm not dressed," said the Lioness. + +"You never are," said the Lion. + +"That's true," said his wife. "Well, here! children! come along and see +the Tame Humans." + +The young cubs came rolling in, all tumbling over one another, like +jolly little brutes as they were, and set up a wild roar of delight at +hearing they were going out for the day. When they got half way, the +Lion suddenly stopped and considered. + +"I think," said he, "as we are going to change places with the humans, +we ought to have all the fine things they used to have, so we'll buy +some clothes." + +"All right, my dear," said the Lioness. + +[Illustration] + +So they went into a shop, which they found belonged to a very civil +elephant. They were quickly fitted out with nice suits, and then trotted +contentedly on. A large crowd of beasts and birds was going the same +way, and at the door it was hard to get in. The greatest excitement +prevailed--which means, you know, that people--animals, I mean--were +laughing and talking, and wondering, and squeezing, and pushing, and +treading on one another's toes, and saying "Where are you shoving to?" +and "There's plenty of room," and "Don't be disagreeable," and "Don't +lose your temper, pray," and asking questions, and all that kind of +thing. The Lion and his wife were afraid to take in the children, so +left them outside with an old Cow, who was herself too frightened to +venture, and too fat to squeeze through the throng. Inside, the animals +were all staring their hardest. The humans in the cages didn't at all +relish being shown, and were very cross. A Wolf with a long stick was +telling about all their ways, and poking them up to make them roar. One +young man in a blue coat howled with rage, until a good-natured old +Rhinoceros, with a red shawl, threw him a bun. He was so ungrateful as +to kick it out of his cage, which offended the old Rhinoceros, as you +may imagine. + +"Times are changed, ain't they?" said a jolly old Bear to the Lion, +chuckling. + +"Quite time too," answered the Lion. + +The Ostrich craned his long neck, and stared as hard as he could, as did +all the animals. The Lioness was very well pleased, but she hurried out +to see after her children, while the Lion stayed to have a good look. In +fact, there never had been such a sight seen in Beastland before, and I +don't suppose there ever will be such a one again. + +[Illustration] + + + + +THE UNKIND TREES. + + +"YOU know it's ridiculous, and we mustn't put up with it any longer," +said the Plane Tree. He wasn't called the Plane Tree because he was not +good looking, but because he always spoke his mind. + +"That's what _I_ say," grumbled the Elm. + +"To be sure," cried the Oak, in a deep, deep, deep voice--you would have +fancied it came out of his boots. But I forgot: of course Oaks don't +wear boots--but that does not signify. + +The Aspen and the Sycamore sighed, and shook their leaves, and looked +wise. + +The Chestnut and the Beech whispered to one another, and waved their +boughs indignantly. + +"Yes," said the Poplar, a tall, straight, stiff tree, with a squeaky +voice, "I _do_ think it's a shame the Wood-cutters should be allowed to +come here and cut us up whenever they choose. The Government, or the +Parish, or the Local Authorities, or--or--_somebody_, ought to hinder +them." + +"Everybody encourages them to do it," said the Box Tree, angrily. The +Box Tree was rather fond of fighting, and that's how he came by his +name. + +"I know what we ought to do," said the Birch, "Whip them." + +"Chop them up," cried the Plane Tree, who was fond of carpentry. + +The trees all fluttered their leaves. They were rather frightened at the +ideas of the Birch and Plane. + +"Well," growled the Oak. But he couldn't think of anything to say, so +was obliged to stop. + +The Ivy had not said a word, but listened to everything. Now she lifted +up her head, and spoke--so softly that it seemed as if the summer wind +was rustling through her leaves. + +[Illustration: Lith. Emrik & Binger, Haarlem] + +"I think," said the gentle Ivy--and though she spoke so sweetly, her +voice could be heard by every tree--"I think when there are so many +branches to spare, and when it is an improvement to the trees to be +lopped and pruned a little bit, it is foolish to object. And when we +know the poor wood-cutters make their living by cutting wood in the +forest, and when poor children are often shivering in the winter for +want of fire, it is selfish to grumble about a few fagots of wood." + +There was a deep stillness. Not a word did any tree speak, till the Elm +said, with a bit of a sneer, "Ivy does not know what she is talking +about." + +"She means well," said the Cedar, "but she does talk nonsense." "So she +does," murmured some other trees. + +Ivy hung her head, and heard with grief and displeasure that the very +next wood-cutter who came through the forest should be chopped up, as an +example. In the afternoon, Hans came along, singing gaily to himself. +He looked about, and noticed some branches that might be cut off without +spoiling the trees, for he loved the trees, and would not have hurt them +for the world. But as he laid down his saw on his wooden horse, it was +snatched by the Birch with its long arms, and he felt himself whipped +up. + +"Oh, oh, oh," cried Hans. + +"Ho, ho, ho," cried the trees, maliciously. + +Ivy covered herself with her own leaves, for she could not bear to see +so sad a sight, and she cried. So Hans was cut up, and his poor children +had nobody to earn any money to buy them food, for their mother was +dead. And the wood-cutters were afraid to come near the forest, lest +they should be served like Hans. And what happened? Why, there was +nobody to prune the trees, and they grew so thick that their branches +all got entangled and twisted, and they smothered one another. + + * * * * * + +Transcriber's Notes: + +Obvious punctuation errors repaired. + +Word "too" added to text (was herself too frightened) + +"Chesnut" changed to "Chestnut" (The Chestnut and the Beech) + +Word "not" added to text on final paragraph, (for she could not bear) + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The World Turned Upside Down, by E. C. Clayton + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WORLD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN *** + +***** This file should be named 37414.txt or 37414.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/3/7/4/1/37414/ + +Produced by Emmy, Marilynda Fraser-Cunliffe and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by the University of Florida Digital Collections.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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