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diff --git a/37328.txt b/37328.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6f812c9 --- /dev/null +++ b/37328.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3027 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Medical Life in the Navy, by Gordon Stables + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Medical Life in the Navy + +Author: Gordon Stables + +Release Date: September 6, 2011 [EBook #37328] +Last Updated: July 16, 2016 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MEDICAL LIFE IN THE NAVY *** + + + + +Produced by Nick Hodson of London, England + + + + +Medical Life in the Navy +By Gordon Stables +Published by Robert Hardwicke, 192 Picadilly, London. +This edition dated 1868. + +Medical Life in the Navy, by Gordon Stables. + +________________________________________________________________________ + +________________________________________________________________________ +MEDICAL LIFE IN THE NAVY, BY GORDON STABLES. + +CHAPTER ONE. + +BY RAIL TO LONDON. LITTLE MOONFACE. EUSTON SQUARE. + +I chose the navy. I am not at all certain what it was that determined +my choice; probably this--I have a mole on my left arm, which my +gossiping old nurse (rest the old lady's soul!) used to assert was a +sure sign that I was born to be a rover. Then I had been several +voyages to the Arctic regions, and therefore knew what a sea-life meant, +and what it didn't mean; that, no doubt, combined with an extensive +acquaintance with the novels of Captain Marryat, had much to do with it. +Be this as it may, I did choose that service, and have never yet +repented doing so. + +Well, after a six weeks' preparatory read-up I packed my traps, taking +care not to forget my class-tickets--to prove the number of lectures +attended each course--a certificate of age and another of virtue, my +degree in surgery (M.Ch.), and my M.D. or medical degree; and with a +stick in my hand, and a porter at my side, I set out for the nearest +railway station. Previously, of course, I had bidden double adieus to +all my friends, had a great many blessings hurled after me, and not a +few old shoes; had kissed a whole family of pretty cousins, ingeniously +commencing with the grandmother, although she happened to be as yellow +as a withered dock-leaf, and wrinkled as a Malaga raisin; had composed +innumerable verses, and burned them as soon as written. + +"Ticket for London, please," said I, after giving a final wipe to my +eyes with the cuff of my coat. + +"Four, two, six," was the laconic reply from the Jack-in-the-box; and +this I understood to mean 4 pounds 2 shillings 6 pence of the sterling +money of the realm--for the young gentleman, like most of his class, +talked as if he were merely a column in a ledger and had pound shilling +penny written on his classic brow with indelible marking ink, an idea +which railway directors ought to see carried out to prevent mistakes. + +I got on board the train, a porter banged-to the door so quickly that my +coat-tails were embraced between the hinges; the guard said "all right," +though it wasn't all right; the whistle shrieked, the engine puffed, the +wheels went round with a groan and a grunt, and presently we were +rattling over the bridge that spans the romantic Dee, with the white +walls of the Granite City glimmering in the moonlight far behind us. +After extricating my imprisoned garment, I leant over the window, and +began to feel very dull and sentimental. I positively think I would +have wept a little, had not the wind just then blown the smoke in my +face, causing me to put up the window in disgust. I had a whole +first-class compartment to myself, so I determined to make the best of +it. Impressed with this idea, I exchanged my hat for a Glengarry, made +a pillow of my rug, a blanket of my plaid, and laid me down to +sleep--"perchance to dream." Being rather melancholy, I endeavoured to +lull myself to slumber by humming such cheering airs as `Kathleen: +Mavourneen,' `Home, sweet home,' etc--"a vera judeecious arrangement," +had it continued. Unfortunately for my peace of mind it did not; for, +although the night train to London does not stop more than half-a-dozen +times all the way, at the next station, and before my eyes had closed in +sleep, the door of the compartment was opened, a lady was bundled in, +the guard said "all right" again, though I could have sworn it wasn't, +and the train, like the leg of the wonderful merchant of Rotterdam, "got +up and went on as before." + +Now, I'm not in the habit of being alarmed at the presence of ladies--no +British sailor is--still, on the present occasion, as I peered round the +corner of my plaid, and beheld a creature of youth and beauty, I _did_ +feel a little squeamish; "for," I reasoned, "if she happens to be good, +`all right,' as the guard said, but if not then all decidedly wrong; for +why? she might take it into her head, between here and London, to swear +that I had been guilty of manslaughter, or suicide, or goodness knows +what, and then I feared my certificate of virtue, which I got from the +best of aged Scottish divines, might not save me." I looked again and +again from below my Highland plaid. "Well," thought I, "she seems mild +enough, any how;" so I pretended to sleep, but then, gallantry forbade. +"I may sleep in earnest," said I to myself, "and by George I don't like +the idea of sleeping in the company of any strange lady." + +Presently, however, she relieved my mind entirely, for she showed a +marriage-ring by drawing off a glove, and hauling out a baby--not out of +the glove mind you, but out of her dress somewhere. I gave a sigh of +relief, for there was cause and effect at once--a marriage-ring and a +baby. I had in my own mind grievously wronged the virtuous lady, so I +immediately elevated my prostrate form, rubbed my eyes, yawned, +stretched myself, looked at my watch, and in fact behaved entirely like +a gentleman just awakened from a pleasant nap. + +After I had benignly eyed her sleeping progeny for the space of half a +minute, I remarked blandly, and with a soft smile, "Pretty baby, ma'am." +(I thought it as ugly as sin.) + +"Yes, sir," said she, looking pleasedly at it with one eye (so have I +seen a cock contemplate a bantam chick). "It is so like its papa!" + +"Is it indeed, ma'am? Well, now, do you know, I thought it just the +very image of its mamma!" + +"So he thinks," replied the lady; "but he has only seen its +carte-de-visite." + +"Unfortunate father!" thought I, "to have seen only the shadowy image of +this his darling child--its carte-de-visite, too! wonder, now, if it +makes a great many calls? shouldn't like the little cuss to visit me." + +"Going far, ma'am?" said I aloud. + +And now this queer specimen of femininity raised her head from the study +of her sleeping babe, and looked me full in the face, as if she were +only aware of my presence for the first time, and hadn't spoken to me at +all. I am proud to say I bore the scrutiny nobly, though it occupied +several very long seconds, during which time I did not disgrace my +certificate of virtue by the ghost of a blush, till, seeming satisfied, +she replied, apparently in deep thought,--"To Lon--don." + +"So am I, ma'am." + +"I go on to Plymouth," she said. "I expect to go there myself soon," +said I. + +"I am going abroad to join my husband." + +"Very strange!" said I, "and _I_ hope to go abroad soon to join my," +(she looked at me now, with parted lips, and the first rays of a rising +smile lighting up her face, expecting me to add "wife")--"to join my +ship;" and she only said "Oh!" rather disappointedly I thought, and +recommenced the contemplation of the moonfaced babe. + +"Bah!" thought I, "there is nothing in you but babies and matrimony;" +and I threw myself on the cushions, and soon slept in earnest, and +dreamt that the Director-General, in a bob-wig and drab shorts, was +dancing Jacky-tar on the quarter-deck of a seventy-four, on the occasion +of my being promoted to the dignity of Honorary-Surgeon to the Queen--a +thing that is sure to happen some of these days. + +When I awoke, cold and shivering, the sun had risen and was shining, as +well as he could shine for the white mist that lay, like a veil of +gauze, over all the wooded flats that skirt for many miles the great +world of London. My companion was still there, and baby had woken up, +too, and begun to crow, probably in imitation of the many cocks that +were hallooing to each other over all the country. And now my attention +was directed, in fact riveted, to a very curious pantomime which was +being performed by the young lady; I had seen the like before, and often +have since, but never could solve the mystery. Her eyes were fixed on +baby, whose eyes in turn were fastened on her, and she was bobbing her +head up and down on the perpendicular, like a wax figure or automaton; +every time that she elevated she pronounced the letter "a," and as her +head again fell she remarked "gue," thus completing the word "ague," +much to the delight of little moonface, and no doubt to her own entire +satisfaction. "A-gue! a-gue!" + +Well, it certainly was a morning to give any one ague, so, pulling out +my brandy-flask, I made bold to present it to her. "You seem cold, +ma'am," said I; "will you permit me to offer you a very little brandy?" + +"Oh dear, no! thanks," she answered quickly. + +"For baby's sake, ma'am," I pleaded; "I am a doctor." + +"Well, then," she replied, smiling, "just a tiny little drop. Oh dear! +not so much!" + +It seemed my ideas of "a tiny little drop," and hers, did not exactly +coincide; however, she did me the honour to drink with me: after which I +had a tiny little drop to myself, and never felt so much the better of +anything. + +Euston Square Terminus at last; and the roar of great London came +surging on my ears, like the noise and conflict of many waters, or the +sound of a storm-tossed ocean breaking on a stony beach. I leapt to the +platform, forgetting at once lady and baby and all, for the following +Tuesday was to be big with my fate, and my heart beat flurriedly as I +thought "what if I were plucked, in spite of my M.D., in spite of my +C.M., in spite even of my certificate of virtue itself?" + +CHAPTER TWO. + +DOUBTS AND FEARS. MY FIRST NIGHT IN COCKNEYDOM. + +What if I were plucked? What should I do? Go to the American war, +embark for the gold-diggings, enlist in a regiment of Sepoys, or throw +myself from the top of Saint Paul's? This, and such like, were my +thoughts, as I bargained with cabby, for a consideration, to drive me +and my traps to a quiet second-rate hotel--for my purse by no means +partook of the ponderosity of my heart. Cabby did so. The hotel at +which I alighted was kept by a gentleman who, with his two daughters, +had but lately migrated from the flowery lands of sunny Devon; so lately +that he himself could still welcome his guests with an honest smile and +hearty shake of hand, while the peach-like bloom had not as yet faded +from the cheeks of his pretty buxom daughters. So well pleased was I +with my entertainment in every way at this hotel, that I really believed +I had arrived in a city where both cabmen and innkeepers were honest and +virtuous; but I have many a time and often since then had reason to +alter my opinion. + +Now, there being only four days clear left me ere I should have to +present myself before the august body of examiners at Somerset House, I +thought it behoved me to make the best of my time. Fain--oh, how +fain!--would I have dashed care and my books, the one to the winds and +the other to the wall, and floated away over the great ocean of London, +with all its novelties, all its pleasures and its curiosities; but I was +afraid--I dared not. I felt like a butterfly just newly burst from the +chrysalis, with a world of flowers and sunshine all around it, but with +one leg unfortunately immersed in birdlime. I felt like that gentleman, +in Hades you know, with all sorts of good things at his lips, which he +could neither touch nor taste of. Nor could I of the joys of London +life. No, like Moses from the top of Mount Pisgah, I could but behold +the promised land afar off; _he_ had the dark gates of death to pass +before he might set foot therein, and I had to pass the gloomy portals +of Somerset House, and its board of dread examiners. + +The landlord--honest man! little did he know the torture he was giving +me--spread before me on the table more than a dozen orders for places of +amusement,--to me, uninitiated, places of exceeding great joy--red +orders, green orders, orange and blue orders, orders for concerts, +orders for gardens, orders for theatres royal, and orders for the opera. + +Oh, reader, fancy at that moment my state of mind; fancy having the +wonderful lamp of Aladdin offered you, and your hands tied behind your +back I myself turned red, and green, and orange, and blue, even as the +orders were, gasped a little, called for a glass of water,--not beer, +mark me,--and rushed forth. I looked not at the flaming placards on the +walls, nor at the rows of seedy advertisement-board men. I looked +neither to the right hand nor to the left, but made my way straight to +the British Museum, with the hopes of engaging in a little calm +reflection. I cannot say I found it however; for all the strange things +I saw made me think of all the strange countries these strange things +came from, and this set me a-thinking of all the beautiful countries I +might see if I passed. + +"_If_, gracious heavens!" thought I. "Are you mad, knocking about here +like a magnetised mummy, and Tuesday the passing day? Home, you devil +you, and study!" + +Half an hour later, in imagination behold me seated before a table in my +little room, with the sun's parting beams shemmering dustily in through +my window, surrounded with books--books--books medical, books surgical, +books botanical, books nautical, books what-not-ical; behold, too, the +wet towel that begirts my thoughtful brow, my malar bones leaning on my +hands, my forearms resting on the mahogany, while I am thinking, or +trying to think, of, on, or about everything known, unknown, or guessed +at. + +Mahogany, did I say? "Mahogany," methinks I hear the examiner say, +"hem! hem! upon what island, tell us, doctor, does the mahogany tree +grow, exist, and flourish? Give the botanical name of this tree, the +natural family to which it belongs, the form of its leaves and flower, +its uses in medicine and in art, the probable number of years it lives, +the articles made from its bark, the parasites that inhabit it, the +birds that build their nests therein, and the class of savage who finds +shelter beneath its wide-spreading, _if_ wide-spreading, branches; +entering minutely into the formation of animal structure in general, and +describing the whole theory of cellular development, tracing the gradual +rise of man from the sponge through the various forms of snail, oyster, +salmon, lobster, lizard, rabbit, kangaroo, monkey, gorilla, nigger, and +Irish Yahoo, up to the perfect Englishman; and state your ideas of the +most probable form and amount of perfection at which you think the +animal structure will arrive in the course of the next ten thousand +years. Is mahogany much superior to oak? If so, why is it not used in +building ships? Give a short account of the history of shipbuilding, +with diagrams illustrative of the internal economy of Noah's ark, the +Great Eastern, and the Rob Roy canoe. Describe the construction of the +Armstrong gun, King Theodore's mortar, and Mons Meg. Describe the +different kinds of mortars used in building walls, and those used in +throwing them down; insert here the composition of gunpowder tea, Fenian +fire, and the last New Yankee drink? In the mahogany country state the +diseases most prevalent among the natives, and those which you would +think yourself justified in telling the senior assistant-surgeon to +request the surgeon to beg the first lieutenant to report to the +commander, that he may call the attention of your captain to the +necessity of ordering the crew to guard against." + +Then, most indulgent reader, behold me, with these and a thousand other +such questions floating confusedly through my bewildered brain--behold +me, I say, rise from the table slowly, and as one who doubteth whether +he be not standing on his head; behold me kick aside the cane-bottomed +chair, then clear the table with one wild sweep, state "Bosh!" with the +air and emphasis of a pasha of three tails, throw myself on the sofa, +and with a "Waitah, glass of gwog and cigaw, please," commence to read +`Tom Cwingle's Log.' This is how I spent my first day, and a good part +of the night too, in London; and--moral--I should sincerely advise every +medical aspirant, or candidate for a commission in the Royal Navy, to +bring in his pocket some such novel as Roderick Random, or Harry +Lorrequer, to read immediately before passing, and to leave every other +book at home. + +CHAPTER THREE. + +A FELINE ADVENTURE. PASSED--HOORAY! CONVERSATION OF (NOT WITH) TWO +ISRAELITISH PARTIES. + +Next morning, while engaged at my toilet--not a limb of my body which I +had not amputated that morning mentally, not one of my joints I had not +exsected, or a capital operation I did not perform on my own person; I +had, in fact, with imaginary surgical instruments, cut myself all into +little pieces, dissected my every nerve, filled all my arteries with red +wax and my veins with blue, traced out the origin and insertion of every +muscle, and thought of what each one could and what each one could not +do; and was just giving the final twirl to my delicate moustache, and +the proper set to the bow of my necktie, when something occurred which +caused me to start and turn quickly round. It was a soft modest little +knock--almost plaintive in its modesty and softness--at my door. I +heard no footfall nor sound of any sort, simply the "tapping as of some +one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber-door; simply that and nothing +more." + +"This," thought I, "is Sarah Jane with my boots: mindful girl is Sarah +Jane." Then giving voice to my thoughts, "Thank you, Sally," said I, +"just leave them outside; I'll have Finnon haddocks and oatcake for +breakfast." + +Then, a voice that wasn't Sally's, but ever so much softer and more +kitten-like in tone, replied,-- + +"Hem! ahem!" and presently added, "it is only _me_." Then the door was +pushed slightly open, while pressing one foot doubtfully against it I +peeped out, and to my surprise perceived the half of a little yellow +book and the whole of a little yellow face with whiskers at it, and an +expression so very like that of a one-year-old lady cat, that I remained +for a little in momentary expectation of hearing it purr. But it +didn't, merely smiling and repeating,-- + +"It's only me." + +"So I see," said I, quite taken aback as it were. "So I see." Then +"_Me_," slowly and gently overcame the resistance my right foot offered, +and, pushing open the door, held out the yellow tract, which I took to +be of a spiritual nature, and spoke to "I" as follows:-- + +"We--that is, he! he! my father and me, he! he! you see--had heard of +your going up to join the Navy." At that moment it seemed to "I" the +easiest thing in the world, short of spending money, to "join" the Royal +Navy. "And so," continued "_Me_", "you see, he! he! we thought of +making you a call, all in business, you see, he! he! and offering you +our estimate for your uniform." + +Uniform! grand name to my ear, I who had never worn anything more gay +than a homespun coat of houden-grey and a Gordon tartan kilt. I thought +it was my turn to say, "Hem! hem!" and even add an inaudible "Ho! ho!" +for I felt myself expanding inch by inch like a kidney bean. + +"In that little book," _Me_ went on, "there,"--pointing to the front +page--"you will find the names of one hundred and fifty-seven officers +and gentlemen who have honoured us with their custom." + +Then I exclaimed, "Dear me!" and Me added with animation, "You see: he! +he!" + +Was it any wonder then, that I succumbed to such a flood of temptation, +that even my native canniness disappeared or was swept away, and that I +promised this gentleman of feline address that if I passed I would +assuredly make his father a call? Alas! unfortunate greenhorn that I +was, I found out when too late that some on the list had certainly given +him their custom, and like myself repented only once but for ever; while +the custom of the majority was confined to a pair or two of duck +inexpressibles, a uniform cap, a dozen of buttons, or a hank of sewing +silk. + +"We can proudly refer you," Me continued, as I bowed him to the door, +"to any of them, and if you do us the honour of calling you will be +enabled to judge for yourself; but," added he, in a stage whisper, at +the same time making a determined attempt, as I thought, to bite off my +ear, "be aware of the Jews." + +"What," said I, "is your father not then a Jew? the name I thought--" + +"Oh-h-h!" he cried, "they may call us so; but--born in England--bred in +London--neighbourhood of Bond Street, highly respectable locality. Army +and Navy outfitters, my father and me, you see, he! he! We invite +inspection, give satisfaction, and defy competition, you see, he! he!" +And he glided silently down stairs, giving me scarcely time to observe +that he was a young man with black hair, black eyes and whiskers, and +wearing goloshes. + +I soon after went down to breakfast, wondering, as I well might, how my +feline friend had found out all about my affairs; but it was not till I +had eaten ninety and one breakfasts and a corresponding number of +dinners that I discovered he belonged to a class of fellows who live by +fleecing the poor victims they pretend to clothe. Intending candidates, +beware of the Jews! + +Tuesday came round at last, just as Tuesdays have always been in the +habit of doing, and at eleven o'clock precisely I, with my heart playing +a game of cricket, with my spine for the bat and my ribs for the wicket, +"repaired"--a very different mode of progression from any other with +which I am acquainted--to the medical department of Somerset House. I +do not remember ever having entered any place with feelings of greater +solemnity. I was astonished in no small degree at the people who passed +along the Strand for appearing so disgustingly indifferent,-- + + "And I so weerie fu' o' care." + +Had I been going to stand my trial for manslaughter or cattle-lifting, I +am certain I should have felt supremely happy in comparison. I passed +the frowning gateway, traversed the large square, and crossed the +Rubicon by entering the great centre doorway and inquiring my way to the +examination room. I had previously, be it observed, sent in my medical +and surgical degrees, with all my class tickets and certificates, +including that for virtue. I was now directed up a great many long +stairs, along as many gloomy-looking corridors, in which I lost my way +at least half a dozen times, and had to call at a corresponding number +of green-baize-covered brass tacketed doors, in order to be put right, +before I at length found myself in front of the proper one, at which I +knocked once, twice, and even thrice, without in any way affecting or +diminishing the buzz that was going on behind the door; so I pushed it +open, and boldly entered. I now found myself in the midst of a large +and select assortment of clerks, whose tongues were hard at work if +their pens were not, and who did not seem half so much astonished at +seeing me there as I felt at finding myself. The room itself looked +like an hypertrophied law office, of which the principal features were +papers and presses, three-legged stools, calf-bound folios, and cobwebs. +I stood for a considerable time, observing but unobserved, wondering +all the while what to say, how to say it, and whom to say it to, and +resisting an inclination to put my finger in my mouth. Moreover, at +that moment a war was going on within me between pride and modesty, for +I was not at all certain whether I ought to take off my hat; so being +"canny" and a Scot, I adopted a middle course, and commenced to wipe +imaginary perspiration from my brow, an operation which, of course, +necessitated the removal of my head-dress. Probably the cambric +handkerchief caught the tail of the eye of a quieter-looking knight of +the quill, who sat a little apart from the other drones of the pen; at +any rate he quickly dismounted, and coming up to me politely asked my +business. I told him, and he civilly motioned me to a seat to await my +turn for examination. By-and-bye other candidates dropped in, each of +whom I rejoiced to observe looked a little paler, decidedly more blue, +and infinitely greener than I did myself! This was some relief, so I +sat by the dusty window which overlooked the Thames, watching the little +skiffs gliding to and fro, the boats hastening hither and thither, and +the big lazy-like barges that floated on the calm unruffled bosom of the +great mysterious river, and thinking and wishing that it could but break +its everlasting silence and tell its tale, and mention even a tithe of +the scenes that had been acted on its breast or by its banks since it +first rolled its infant waters to the sea, through a forest of trees +instead of a forest of masts and spires, or tell of the many beings that +had sought relief from a world of sin and suffering under its dark +current. So ran my thoughts, and as the river so did time glide by, and +two hours passed away, then a third; and when at last my name was +called, it was only to inform me that I must come back on the following +day, there being too many to be examined at once. + +At the hour appointed I was immediately conducted into the presence of +the august assembly of examiners, and this, is what I saw, or rather, +this was the picture on my retina, for to see, in the usual acceptation +of the term, was, under the circumstances, out of the question:--A table +with a green cover, laid out for a feast--to me a ghastly feast--of +reason and flow of soul. My reason was to form the feast, my soul was +to flow; the five pleasant-looking and gentlemanly men who sat around +were to partake of the banquet. I did not walk into the room, I seemed +to glide as if in a dream, or as if I had been my own ghost. Every +person and every thing in the room appeared strangely contorted; and the +whole formed a wonderful mirage, miraculously confused. The fire hopped +up on the table, the table consigned itself to the flames at one moment, +and made an insane attempt to get up the chimney the next. The roof +bending down in one corner affectionately kissed the carpet, the carpet +bobbing up at another returned the chaste salute. Then the gentlemen +smiled on me pleasantly, while I replied by a horrible grin. + +"Sit down, sir," said one, and his voice sounded far away, as if in +another world, as I tottered to the chair, and with palsied arm helped +myself to a glass of water, which had been placed on the table for my +use. The water revived me, and at the first task I was asked to +perform--translate a small portion of Gregory's (not powder) Conspectus +into English--my senses came back. The scales fell from my eyes, the +table and fire resumed their proper places, the roof and carpet ceased +to dally, my scattered brains came all of a heap once more, and I was +myself again as much as ever Richard was, or any other man. I answered +most of the questions, if not all. I was tackled for ten minutes at a +time by each of the examiners. I performed mental operations on the +limbs of beings who never existed, prescribed hypothetically for +innumerable ailments, brought divers mythical children into the world, +dissected muscles and nerves in imagination, talked of green trees, +fruit, flowers, natural families, and far-away lands, as if I had been +Linnaeus, Columbus, and Humboldt all in one, so that, in less than an +hour, the august body leant their backs against their respective chairs, +and looked knowingly in each other's faces for a period of several very +long seconds. They then nodded to one another, did this august body, +looked at their tablets, and nodded again. After this pantomime had +come to a conclusion I was furnished with a sheet of foolscap and sent +back to the room above the Thames to write a dissertation on fractures +of the cranium, and shortly after sending it in I was recalled and +informed that I had sustained the dread ordeal to their entire +satisfaction, etc, and that I had better, before I left the house, pay +an official visit to the Director-General. I bowed, retired, heaved a +monster sigh, made the visit of ceremony, and afterwards my exit. + +The first gentleman (?) I met on coming out was a short, middle-aged +Shylock, hook-nosed and raven-haired, and arrayed in a surtout of seedy +black. He approached me with much bowing and smiling, and holding below +my nose a little green tract which he begged I would accept. + +"Exceedingly kind," thought I, and was about to comply with his request, +when, greatly to my surprise and the discomposure of my toilet, an arm +was hooked into mine, I was wheeled round as if on a pivot, and found +myself face to face with another Israelite armed with a _red_ tract. + +"He is a Jew and a dog," said this latter, shaking a forefinger close to +my face. + +"Is he?" said I. The words had hardly escaped my lips when the other +Jew whipped his arm through mine and quickly re-wheeled me towards him. + +"He is a liar and a cheat," hissed he, with the same motion of the +forefinger as his rival had used. + +"Indeed!" said I, beginning to wonder what it all meant. I had not, +however, long time to wonder, being once more set spinning by the +Israelite of the red tract. + +"Beware of the Jews?" he whispered, pointing to the other; and the +conversation was continued in the following strain. Although in the +common sense of the word it really was no conversation, as each of them +addressed himself to me only, and I could find no reply, still, taking +the word in its literal meaning (from con, together, and _verto_, I +turn), it was indeed a conversation, for they turned me together, each +one, as he addressed me, hooking his arm in mine and whirling me round +like the handle of an air-pump or a badly constructed teetotum, and +shaking a forefinger in my face, as if I were a parrot and he wanted me +to swear. + +_Shylock of the green tract_.--"He is a swine and a scoundrel." + +_Israelite of the red_.--"He's a liar and a thief." + +_Shylock of the green_.--"And he'll get round you some way." + +_Israelite of red_.--"Ahab and brothers cheat everybody they can." + +_Shylock of green_.--"He'll be lending you money." + +_Red_.--"Whole town know them--" + +_Green_.--"Charge you thirty per cent." + +Red--"They are swindlers and dogs." + +_Green_.--"Look at our estimate." + +_Red_.--"Look at _our_ estimate." + +_Green_.--"Peep at our charges." + +_Red_.--"Five years' credit." + +_Green_.--"Come with us, sir," tugging me to the right. + +_Red_.--"This way, master," pulling me to the left. + +_Green_.--"Be advised; he'll rob you." + +_Red_.--"If you go he'll murder you." + +"Damn you both!" I roared; and letting fly both fists at the same time, +I turned them both together on their backs and thus put an end to the +conversation. Only just in time, though, for the remaining ten tribes, +or their representatives, were hurrying towards me, each one swaying +aloft a gaudy-coloured tract; and I saw no way of escaping but by fairly +making a run for it, which I accordingly did, pursued by the ten tribes; +and even had I been a centipede, I would have assuredly been torn limb +from limb, had I not just then rushed into the arms of my feline friend +from Bond Street. + +He purred, gave me a paw and many congratulations; was so glad I had +passed,--but, to be sure, knew I would,--and so happy I had escaped the +Jews; would I take a glass of beer? + +I said, "I didn't mind;" so we adjourned (the right word in the right +place--adjourned) to a quiet adjoining hotel. + +"Now," said he, as he tendered the waiter a five-pound Bank of England +note, "you must not take it amiss, Doctor, but--" + +"No smaller change, sir?" asked the waiter. + +"I'm afraid," said my friend (?), opening and turning over the contents +of a well-lined pocket-book, "I've only got five--oh, here are sovs, he! +he!" Then turning to me: "I was going to observe," he continued, "that +if you want a pound or two, he! he!--you know young fellows will be +young fellows--only don't say a word to my father, he! he! he!--highly +respectable man. Another glass of beer? No? Well, we will go and see +father!" + +"But," said I, "I really must go home first." + +"Oh dear no; don't think of such a thing." + +"I'm deuced hungry," continued I. + +"My dear sir, excuse me, but it is just our dinner hour; nice roast +turkey, and boiled leg of mutton with--" + +"Any pickled pork?" + +"He! he! now you young _officers_ will have your jokes; but, he! he! +though we don't just eat pork, you'll find us just as good as most +Christians. Some capital wine--very old brand; father got it from the +Cape only the other day; in fact, though I should not mention these +things, it was sent us by a grateful customer. But come, you're hungry, +we'll get a cab." + +CHAPTER FOUR. + +THE CITY OF ENCHANTMENT. IN JOINING THE SERVICE! FIND OUT WHAT A "GIG" +MEANS. + +The fortnight immediately subsequent to my passing into the Royal Navy +was spent by me in the great metropolis, in a perfect maze of pleasure +and excitement. For the first time for years I knew what it was to be +free from care and trouble, independent, and quietly happy. I went the +round of the sights and the round of the theatres, and lingered +entranced in the opera; but I went all alone, and unaccompanied, save by +a small pocket guide-book, and I believe I enjoyed it all the more on +that account. No one cared for nor looked at the lonely stranger, and +he at no one. I roamed through the spacious streets, strolled +delightedly in the handsome parks, lounged in picture galleries, or +buried myself for hour's in the solemn halls and classical courts of +that prince of public buildings the British Museum; and, when tired of +rambling, I dined by myself in a quiet hotel. Every sight was strange +to me, every sound was new; it was as if some good fairy, by a touch of +her magic wand, had transported me to an enchanted city; and when I +closed my eyes at night, or even shut them by day, behold, there was the +same moving panorama that I might gaze on till tired or asleep. + +But all this was too good to last long. One morning, on coming down to +breakfast, bright-hearted and beaming as ever, I found on my plate, +instead of fried soles, a long blue official letter, "On her Majesty's +Service." It was my appointment to the `Victory,'--"additional for +service at Haslar Hospital." As soon as I read it the enchantment was +dissolved, the spell was broken; and when I tried that day to find new +pleasures, new sources of amusement, I utterly failed, and found with +disgust that it was but a common work-a-day world after all, and that +London was very like other places in that respect. I lingered but a few +more days in town, and then hastened by train to Portsmouth to take up +my appointment--to join the service in reality. + +It was a cold raw morning, with a grey and cheerless sky, and a biting +south-wester blowing up channel, and ruffling the water in the Solent. +Alongside of the pier the boats and wherries were all in motion, +scratching and otherwise damaging their gunwales against the stones, as +they were lifted up and down at the pleasure of the wavelets. The +boatmen themselves were either drinking beer at adjacent bars, or +stamping up and down the quay with the hopes of enticing a little warmth +to their half-frozen toes, and rubbing the ends of their noses for a +like purpose. Suddenly there arose a great commotion among them, and +they all rushed off to surround a gentleman in brand-new naval uniform, +who was looking, with his mouth open, for a boat, in every place where a +boat was most unlikely to be. Knowing at a glance that he was a +stranger, they very generously, each and all of them, offered their +services, and wanted to row him somewhere--anywhere. After a great deal +of fighting and scrambling among themselves, during which the officer +got tugged here and tugged there a good many times, he was at last +bundled into a very dirty cobble, into which a rough-looking boatman +bounded after him and at once shoved off. + +The naval officer was myself--the reader's obsequious slave. As for the +boatman, one thing must be said in his favour, he seemed to be a person +of religious character--in one thing at least, for, on the Day of +Judgment, I, for one, will not be able to turn round and say to him "I +was a stranger and ye took me not in," for he did take me in. In fact, +Portsmouth, as a town, is rather particular on this point of +Christianity: they do take strangers in. + +"Where away to?" asked the jolly waterman, leaning a moment on his oars. + +"H.M.S. `Victory,'" replied I. + +"Be going for to join, I dessay, sir?" + +"You are right," said I; "but have the goodness to pull so that I may +not be wet through on both sides." + +"Can't help the weather, sir." + +"I'll pay here," said I, "before we go alongside." + +"Very good, sir." + +"How much?" + +"Only three shillings, sir." + +"_Only_ three shillings!" I repeated, and added "eh?" + +"That's all, sir--distance is short you know." + +"Do you mean to say," said I, "that you really mean to charge--" + +"Just three bob," interrupting me; "flag's up--can see for yourself, +sir." + +"The flag, you see--I mean my good man--don't tell me about a flag, I'm +too far north for you;" and I tried to look as northish as possible. + +"Flag, indeed! humph!" + +"Why, sir," said the man of oars, with a pitying expression of +countenance and voice, "flag means double fare--anybody'll tell you +that, sir." + +"Nonsense?" said I; "don't tell me that any one takes the trouble of +hoisting a flag in order to fill your confounded pockets; there is half +a crown, and not a penny more do you get from me." + +"Well, sir, o' condition you has me again, sir, you know, sir,--and my +name's McDonald;" and he pocketed the money, which I afterwards +discovered was a _leetle_ too much. "McDonald," thought I--"my +grandmother's name; the rascal thinks to come round me by calling +himself a Scotchman--the idea of a McDonald being a waterman!" + +"Sir," said I, aloud, "it is my unbiassed opinion and firm conviction +that you are--" I was going to add "a most unmitigated blackguard," but +I noticed that he was a man of six feet two, with breadth in proportion, +so I left the sentence unfinished. + +We were now within sight of the bristling sides of the old `Victory,' on +the quarter-deck of which fell the great and gallant Nelson in the hour +of battle and triumph; and I was a young officer about to join that +service which can boast of so many brave and noble men, and brave and +noble deeds; and one would naturally expect that I would indulge in a +few dreams of chivalry and romance, picture to myself a bright and +glorious future, pounds' weight of medals and crosses, including the +Victoria, kiss the hilt of my sword, and all that sort of thing. I did +not. I was too wretchedly cold for one reason, and the only feeling I +had was one of shyness; as for duty, I knew I could and would do that, +as most of my countrymen had done before me; so I left castle-building +to the younger sons of noblemen or gentry, whose parents can afford to +allow them two or three hundred pounds a year to eke out their pay and +smooth the difficulties of the service. Not having been fortunate +enough to be born with even a horn spoon in my mouth, I had to be +content with my education as my fortune, and my navy pay as my only +income. + +"Stabird side, I dessay, sir?" said the waterman. + +"Certainly," said I, having a glimmering idea that it must be the proper +side. + +A few minutes after--"The Admiral's gig is going there, sir,--better +wait a bit." I looked on shore and _did_ see a gig, and two horses +attached to it. + +"No," said I, "decidedly not, he can't see us here, man. I suppose you +want to go sticking your dirty wet oars in the air, do you?"--(I had +seen pictures of this performance). "Drive on, I mean pull ahead, my +hearty"--a phrase I had heard at the theatre, and considered highly +nautical. + +The waterman obeyed, and here is what came of it. We were just +approaching the ladder, when I suddenly became sensible of a rushing +noise. I have a dim recollection of seeing a long, many-oared boat, +carrying a large red flag, and with an old grey-haired officer sitting +astern; of hearing a voice--it might have belonged to the old man of the +sea, for anything I could have told to the contrary--float down the +wind,-- + +"Clear the way with that (something) bumboat!" Then came a crash, my +heels flew up--I had been sitting on the gunwale--and overboard I went +with a splash, just as some one else in the long boat sang out. "Way +enough!" + +Way enough, indeed! there was a little too much way for me. When I came +to the surface of the water, I found myself several yards from the +ladder, and at once struck out for it. There was a great deal of noise +and shouting, and a sailor held towards me the sharp end of a boathook; +but I had no intention of being lugged out as if I were a pair of canvas +trowsers, and, calling to the sailor to keep his pole to himself--did he +want to knock my eye out?--I swam to the ladder and ascended. Thus then +I joined the service, and, having entered at the foot of the ladder, I +trust some day to find myself at the top of it. + +And, talking of joining the service, I here beg to repudiate, as an +utter fabrication, the anecdote--generally received as authentic in the +service--of the Scotch doctor, who, going to report himself for the +first time on board of the `Victory,' knocked at the door, and inquired +(at a marine, I think), "Is this the Royal Nauvy?--'cause I'm come till +jine." The story bears "fib" on the face of it, for there is not a +Scottish schoolboy but knows that one ship does not make a navy, any +more than one swallow does a summer. + +But, dear intending candidate, if you wish to do the right thing, array +yourself quietly in frock-coat, cap--not cocked hat, remember--and +sword, and go on board your ship in any boat you please, only keep out +of the way of gigs. When you arrive on board, don't be expecting to see +the admiral, because you'll be disappointed; but ask a sailor or marine +to point you out the midshipman of the watch, and request the latter to +show you the commander. Make this request civilly, mind you; do not +pull his ear, because, if big and hirsute, he might beat you, which +would be a bad beginning. When you meet the commander, don't rush up +and shake him by the hand, and begin talking about the weather; walk +respectfully up to him, and lift your cap as you would to a lady; upon +which he will hurriedly point to his nose with his forefinger, by way of +returning the salute, while at the same time you say-- + +"_Come_ on board, sir--to _join_, sir." + +It is the custom of the Service to make this remark in a firm, bold, +decided tone, placing the emphasis on the "_come_" to show clearly that +you _did come_, and that no one kicked, or dragged, or otherwise brought +you on board against your will. The proper intonation of the remark may +be learned from any polite waiter at a hotel, when he tells you, +"Dinner's ready, sir, please;" or it may be heard in the "Now then, +gents," of the railway guard of the period. + +Having reported yourself to the man of three stripes, you must not +expect that he will shake hands, or embrace you, ask you on shore to +tea, and introduce you to his wife. No, if he is good-natured, and has +not had a difference of opinion with the captain lately, he _may_ +condescend to show you your cabin and introduce you to your messmates; +but if he is out of temper, he will merely ask your name, and, on your +telling him, remark, "Humph!" then call the most minute midshipman to +conduct you to your cabin, being at the same time almost certain to +mispronounce your name. Say your name is Struthers, he will call you +Stutters. + +"Here, Mr Pigmy, conduct Mr Stutters to his cabin, and show him where +the gunroom--ah! I beg his pardon, the wardroom--lies." + +"Ay, ay, sir," says the middy, and skips off at a round trot, obliging +you either to adopt the same ungraceful mode of progression, or lose +sight of him altogether, and have to wander about, feeling very much +from home, until some officer passing takes pity on you and leads you to +the wardroom. + +CHAPTER FIVE. + +HASLAR HOSPITAL. THE MEDICAL MESS. DR GRUFF. + +It is a way they have in the service, or rather it is the custom of the +present Director-General, not to appoint the newly-entered medical +officer at once to a sea-going ship, but instead to one or other of the +naval hospitals for a few weeks or even months, in order that he may be +put up to the ropes, as the saying is, or duly initiated into the +mysteries of service and routine of duty. This is certainly a good +idea, although it is a question whether it would not be better to adopt +the plan they have at Netley, and thus put the navy and army on the same +footing. + +Haslar Hospital at Portsmouth is a great rambling barrack-looking block +of brick building, with a yard or square surrounded by high walls in +front, and with two wings extending from behind, which, with the chapel +between, form another and smaller square. + +There are seldom fewer than a thousand patients within, and, independent +of a whole regiment of male and female nurses, sick-bay-men, servants, +cooks, _et id genus omne_, there is a regular staff of officers, +consisting of a captain--of what use I have yet to learn--two medical +inspector-generals, generally three or four surgeons, the same number of +regularly appointed assistant-surgeons, besides from ten to twenty +acting assistant-surgeons [Note 1] waiting for appointments, and doing +duty as supernumeraries. Of this last class I myself was a member. + +Soon as the clock tolled the hour of eight in the morning, the +staff-surgeon of our side of the hospital stalked into the duty cabin, +where we, the assistants, were waiting to receive him. Immediately +after, we set out on the morning visit, each of us armed with a little +board or palette to be used as a writing-desk, an excise inkstand slung +in a buttonhole, and a quill behind the ear. The large doors were +thrown open, the beds neat and tidy, and the nurses "standing by." Up +each side of the long wards, from bed to bed, we journeyed; notifying +the progress of each case, repeating the treatment here, altering or +suspending it there, and performing small operations in another place; +listening attentively to tales of aches and pains, and hopes and fears, +and just in a sort of general way acting the part of good Samaritans. +From one ward to another we went, up and down long staircases, along +lengthy corridors, into wards in the attics, into wards on the basement, +and into wards below ground,--fracture wards, Lazarus wards, erysipelas +wards, men's wards, officers' wards; and thus we spent the time till a +little past nine, by which time the relief of so much suffering had +given us an appetite, and we hurried off to the messroom to breakfast. + +The medical mess at Haslar is one of the finest in the service. +Attached to the room is a nice little apartment, fitted up with a +bagatelle-table, and boxing gloves and foils _ad libitum_. And, sure +enough, you might walk many a weary mile, or sail many a knot, without +meeting twenty such happy faces as every evening surrounded our +dinner-table, without beholding twenty such bumper glasses raised at +once to the toast of Her Majesty the Queen, and without hearing twenty +such good songs, or five times twenty such yarns and original bons-mots, +as you would at Haslar Medical Mess. Yet I must confess we partook in +but a small degree indeed of the solemn quietude of Wordsworth's-- + + "--Party in a parlour cramm'd, + Some sipping punch, some sipping tea, + But, as you by their faces see, + All silent--and all damned." + +I do not deny that we were a little noisy at times, and that on several +occasions, having eaten and drunken till we were filled, we rose up to +dance, and consequently received a _polite_ message from the inspector +whose house was adjoining, requesting us to "stop our _confounded_ row;" +but then the old man was married, and no doubt his wife was at the +bottom of it. + +Duty was a thing that did not fall to the lot of us supers every day. +We took it turn about, and hard enough work it used to be too. As soon +as breakfast was over, the medical officer on duty would hie him away to +the receiving-room, and seat himself at the large desk; and by-and-bye +the cases would begin to pour in. First there would arrive, say three +or four blue-jackets, with their bags under their arms, in charge of an +assistant-surgeon, then a squad of marines, then more blue-jackets, then +more red-coats, and so the game of _rouge-et-noir_ would go on during +the day. The officer on duty has first to judge whether or not the case +is one that can be admitted,--that is, which cannot be conveniently +treated on board; he has then to appoint the patient a bed in a proper +ward, and prescribe for him, almost invariably a bath and a couple of +pills. Besides, he has to enter the previous history of the case, +verbatim, into each patient's case-book, and if the cases are numerous, +and the assistant-surgeon who brings them has written an elaborate +account of each disease, the duty-officer will have had his work cut out +for him till dinner-time at least. Before the hour of the patient's +dinner, this gentleman has also to glance into each ward, to see if +everything is right, and if there are any complaints. Even when ten or +eleven o'clock at night brings sleep and repose to others, his work is +not yet over; he has one other visit to pay any time during the night +through all his wards. Then with dark-lantern and slippers you may meet +him, gliding ghost-like along the corridors or passages, lingering at +ward doors, listening on the staircases, smelling and snuffing, peeping +and keeking, and endeavouring by eye, or ear, or nose, to detect the +slightest irregularity among the patients or nurses, such as burning +lights without orders, gambling by the light of the fire, or smoking. +This visit paid, he may return to his virtuous cabin, and sleep as +soundly as he chooses. + +Very few of the old surgeons interfere with the duties of their +assistants, but there _be_ men who seem to think you have merely come to +the service to learn, not to practise your profession, and therefore +they treat you as mere students, or at the best hobble-de-hoy doctors. +Of this class was Dr Gruff, a man whom I would back against the whole +profession for caudle, clyster, castor-oil, or linseed poultice; but +who, I rather suspect, never prescribed a dose of chiretta, santonin, or +lithia-water in his life. He came to me one duty-day, in a great hurry, +and so much excited that I judged he had received some grievous bodily +ailment, or suffered some severe family bereavement. + +"Well, sir," he cried; "I hear, sir, you have put a case of ulcer into +the erysipelas ward." + +This remark, not partaking of the nature of question, I thought required +no answer. + +"Is it true, sir?--is it true?" he continued, getting blue and red. + +"It is, sir," was the reply. + +"And what do you mean by it, sir? What do you mean by it?" he +exclaimed, waxing more and more wroth. + +"I thought, sir--" I began. + +"You thought, sir!" + +"Yes, sir," continued I, my Highland blood getting uppermost, "I _did_ +think that, the case being one of ulcer of an _erysipelatous_ nature, I +was--" + +"Erysipelatous ulcer!" interrupting me. "Oh!" said he, "that alters the +case. Why did you not say so at first? I beg your pardon;" and he +trotted off again. + +"All right," thought I, "old Gruff. I guess you are sorry you spoke." + +But although there are not wanting medical officers in the service who, +on being promoted to staff-surgeon, appear to forget that ever they wore +less than three stripes, and can keep company with no one under the rank +of commander, I am happy to say they are few and far between, and every +year getting more few and farther between. + +It is a fine thing to be appointed for, say three or four years to a +home hospital; in fact, it is the assistant-surgeon's highest ambition. +Next, in point of comfort, would be an appointment at the Naval Hospital +of Malta, Cape of Good Hope, or China. + +------------------------------------------------------------------------ + +Note 1. The acting assistant-surgeons are those who have not as yet +served the probationary year, or been confirmed. They are liable to be +dismissed without a court-martial. + +CHAPTER SIX. + +AFLOAT. A STORM IN BISCAY BAY. A WORD ON BASS'S BEER. + +For the space of six weeks I lived in clover at Haslar, and at the end +of that time my appointment to a sea-going ship came. It was the +pleasure of their Lordships the Commissioners, that I should take my +passage to the Cape of Good Hope in a frigate, which had lately been put +in commission and was soon about to sail. Arrived there, I was to be +handed over to the flag-ship on that station for disposal, like so many +stones of salt pork. On first entering the service every medical +officer is sent for one commission (three to five years) to a foreign +station; and it is certainly very proper too that the youngest and +strongest men, rather than the oldest, should do the rough work of the +service, and go to the most unhealthy stations. + +The frigate in which I was ordered passage was to sail from Plymouth. +To that town I was accordingly sent by train, and found the good ship in +such a state of internal chaos--painters, carpenters, sail-makers, and +sailors; armourers, blacksmiths, gunners, and tailors; every one engaged +at his own trade, with such an utter disregard of order or regularity, +while the decks were in such confusion, littered with tools, nails, +shavings, ropes, and spars, among which I scrambled, and over which I +tumbled, getting into everybody's way, and finding so little rest for +the sole of my foot, that I was fain to beg a week's leave, and glad +when I obtained it. On going on board again at the end of that time, a +very different appearance presented itself; everything was in its proper +place, order and regularity were everywhere. The decks were white and +clean, the binnacles, the brass and mahogany work polished, the gear all +taut, the ropes coiled, and the vessel herself sitting on the water +saucy as the queen of ducks, with her pennant flying and her beautiful +ensign floating gracefully astern. The gallant ship was ready for sea, +had been unmoored, had made her trial trips, and was now anchored in the +Sound. From early morning to busy noon, and from noon till night, boats +glided backwards and forwards between the ship and the shore, filled +with the friends of those on board, or laden with wardroom and gunroom +stores. Among these might have been seen a shore-boat, rowed by two +sturdy watermen, and having on board a large sea-chest, with a naval +officer on top of it, grasping firmly a Cremona in one hand and holding +a hat-box in the other. The boat was filled with any number of smaller +packages, among which were two black portmanteaus, warranted to be the +best of leather, and containing the gentleman's dress and undress +uniforms; these, however, turned out to be mere painted pasteboard, and +in a very few months the cockroaches--careless, merry-hearted +creatures--after eating up every morsel of them, turned their attention +to the contents, on which they dined and supped for many days, till the +officer's dress-coat was like a meal-sieve, and his pantaloons might +have been conveniently need for a landing-net. This, however, was a +matter of small consequence, for, contrary to the reiterated assurance +of his feline friend, no one portion of this officer's uniform held out +for a longer period than six months, the introduction of any part of his +person into the corresponding portion of his raiment having become a +matter of matutinal anxiety and distress, lest a solution of continuity +in the garment might be the unfortunate result. + +About six o'clock on a beautiful Wednesday evening, early in the month +of May, our gallant and saucy frigate turned her bows seaward and slowly +steamed away from amidst the fleet of little boats that--crowded with +the unhappy wives and sweethearts of the sailors--had hung around us all +the afternoon. Puffing and blowing a great deal, and apparently panting +to be out and away at sea, the good ship nevertheless left her anchorage +but slowly, and withal reluctantly, her tears falling thick and fast on +the quarter-deck as she went. + +The band was playing a slow and mournful air, by way of keeping up our +spirits. + +_I_ had no friends to say farewell to, there was no tear-bedimmed eye to +gaze after me until I faded in distance; so I stood on the poop, leaning +over the bulwarks, after the fashion of Vanderdecken, captain of the +Flying Dutchman, and equally sad and sorrowful-looking. And what did I +see from my elevated situation? A moving picture, a living panorama; a +bright sky sprinkled with a few fleecy cloudlets, over a blue sea all in +motion before a fresh breeze of wind; a fleet of little boats astern, +filled with picturesquely dressed seamen and women waving handkerchiefs; +the long breakwater lined with a dense crowd of sorrowing friends, each +anxious to gain one last look of the dear face he may never see more. +Yonder is the grey-haired father, yonder the widowed mother, the +affectionate brother, the loving sister, the fond wife, the beloved +sweetheart,--all are there; and not a sigh that is sighed, not a tear +that is shed, not a prayer that is breathed, but finds a response in the +bosom of some loved one on board. To the right are green hills, +people-clad likewise, while away in the distance the steeple of many a +church "points the way to happier spheres," and on the flagstaff at the +port-admiral's house is floating the signal "Fare thee well." + +The band has ceased to play, the sailors have given their last ringing +cheer, even the echoes of which have died away, and faintly down the +wind comes the sound of the evening bells. The men are gathered in +little groups on deck, and there is a tenderness in their landward gaze, +and a pathos in their rough voices, that one would hardly expect to +find. + +"Yonder's my Poll, Jack," says one. "Look, see! the poor lass is +crying; blowed if I think I'll ever see her more." + +"There," says another, "is _my_ old girl on the breakwater, beside the +old cove in the red nightcap." + +"That's my father, Bill," answers a third. "God bless the dear old +chap?" + +"Good-bye, Jean; good-bye, lass. Ah! she won't hear me. Blessed if I +don't feel as if I could make a big baby of myself and cry outright." + +"Oh! Dick, Dick," exclaims an honest-looking tar; "I see'd my poor wife +tumble down; she had wee Johnnie in her arms, and--and what will I do?" + +"Keep up your heart, to be sure," answers a tall, rough son of a gun. +"There, she has righted again, only a bit of a swoon ye see. I've got +neither sister, wife, nor mother, so surely it's _me_ that ought to be +making a noodle of myself; but where's the use?" + +An hour or two later we were steaming across channel, with nothing +visible but the blue sea all before us, and the chalky cliffs of +Cornwall far behind, with the rosy blush of the setting sun lingering on +their summits. + +Then the light faded from the sky, the gloaming star shone out in the +east, big waves began to tumble in, and the night breeze blew cold and +chill from off the broad Atlantic Ocean. + +Tired and dull, weary and sad, I went below to the wardroom and seated +myself on a rocking chair. It was now that I began to feel the +discomfort of not having a cabin. Being merely a supernumerary or +passenger, such a luxury was of course out of the question, even had I +been an admiral. I was to have a screen berth, or what a landsman would +call a canvas tent, on the main or fighting deck, but as yet it was not +rigged. Had I never been to sea before, I would have now felt very +wretched indeed; but having roughed it in Greenland and Davis Straits in +small whaling brigs, I had got over the weakness of sea-sickness; yet +notwithstanding I felt all the thorough prostration both of mind and +body, which the first twenty-four hours at sea often produces in the +oldest and best of sailors, so that I was only too happy when I at last +found myself within canvas. + +By next morning the wind had freshened, and when I turned out I found +that the steam had been turned off, and that we were bowling along +before a ten-knot breeze. All that day the wind blew strongly from the +N.N.E., and increased as night came on to a regular gale of wind. I had +seen some wild weather in the Greenland Ocean, but never anything +before, nor since, to equal the violence of the storm on that dreadful +night, in the Bay of Biscay. We were running dead before the wind at +twelve o'clock, when the gale was at its worst, and when the order to +light fires and get up steam had been given. Just then we were making +fourteen knots, with only a foresail, a fore-topsail, and main-topsail, +the latter two close-reefed. I was awakened by a terrific noise on +deck, and I shall not soon forget that awakening. The ship was leaking +badly both at the ports and scupper-holes; so that the maindeck all +around was flooded with water, which lifted my big chest every time the +roll of the vessel allowed it to flow towards it. To say the ship was +rolling would express but poorly the indescribably disagreeable +wallowing motion of the frigate, while men were staggering with anxious +faces from gun to gun, seeing that the lashings were all secure; so +great was the strain on the cable-like ropes that kept them in their +places. The shot had got loose from the racks, and were having a small +cannonade on their own account, to the no small consternation of the men +whose duty it was to re-secure them. It was literally sea without and +sea within, for the green waves were pouring down the main hatchway, +adding to the amount of water already _below_, where the chairs and +other articles of domestic utility were all afloat and making voyages of +discovery from one officer's cabin to another. + +On the upper deck all was darkness, confusion, and danger, for both the +fore and main-topsails had been carried away at the same time, reducing +us to one sail--the foresail. The noise and crackling of the riven +canvas, mingling with the continuous roar of the storm, were at times +increased by the rattle of thunder and the rush of rain-drops, while the +lightning played continually around the slippery masts and cordage. +About one o'clock, a large ship, apparently unmanageable, was dimly seen +for one moment close aboard of us--had we come into collision the +consequences must have been dreadful;--and thus for two long hours, +_till steam was got up_, did we fly before the gale, after which the +danger was comparatively small. + +Having spent its fury, having in fact blown itself out of breath, the +wind next day retired to its cave, and the waves got smaller and +beautifully less, till peace and quietness once more reigned around us. + +Going on deck one morning I found we were anchored under the very shadow +of a steep rock, and not far from a pretty little town at the foot of a +high mountain, which was itself covered to the top with trees and +verdure, with the white walls of many a quaint-looking edifice peeping +through the green--boats, laden with fruit and fish and turtle, +surrounded the ship. The island of Madeira and town, of Funchal. As +there was no pier, we had to land among the stones. The principal +amusement of English residents here seems to be lounging about, cheroot +in mouth, beneath the rows of trees that droop over the pavements, +getting carried about in portable hammocks, and walking or riding (I +rode, and, not being able to get my horse to move at a suitable pace, I +looked behind, and found the boy from whom I had hired him sticking like +a leech to my animal's tail, nor would he be shaken off--nor could the +horse be induced to kick him off; this is the custom of the Funchalites, +and a funny one it is) to the top of the mountain, for the pleasure of +coming down in a sleigh, a distance of two miles, in twice as many +minutes, while the least deviation from the path would result in a +terrible smash against the wall of either side, but I never heard of any +such accident occurring. + +Three days at Madeira, and up anchor again; our next place of call being +Saint Helena. Every one has heard of the gentleman who wanted to +conquer the world but couldn't, who tried to beat the British but +didn't, who staked his last crown at a game of _loo_, and losing fled, +and fleeing was chased, and being chased was caught and chained by the +leg, like an obstreperous game-cock, to a rock somewhere in the middle +of the sea, on which he stood night and day for years, with his arms +folded across his chest, and his cocked hat wrong on, a warning to the +unco-ambitious. The rock was Saint Helena, and a very beautiful rock it +is too, hill and dell and thriving town, its mountain-sides tilled and +its straths and glens containing many a fertile little farm. It is the +duty of every one who touches the shores of this far-famed island to +make a pilgrimage to Longwood, the burial-place of the "great man." I +have no intention of describing this pilgrimage, for this has been done +by dozens before my time, or, if not, it ought to have been: I shall +merely add a very noticeable fact, which others may not perchance have +observed--_both sides_ of the road all the way to the tomb are strewn +with _Bass's beer-bottles_, empty of course, and at the grave itself +there are hogsheads of them; and the same is the case at every place +which John Bull has visited, or where English foot has ever trodden. +The rule holds good all over the world; and in the Indian Ocean, +whenever I found an uninhabited island, or even reef which at some +future day would be an island, if I did not likewise find an empty +beer-bottle, I at once took possession in the name of Queen Victoria, +giving three hips! and one hurrah! thrice, and singing "For he's a jolly +good fellow," without any very distinct notion as to who _was_ the jolly +fellow; also adding more decidedly "which nobody can deny"--there being +no one on the island to deny it. + +England has in this way acquired much additional territory at my hands, +without my having as yet received any very substantial recompense for my +services. + +CHAPTER SEVEN. + +THE MODERN RODERICK RANDOM. HALF A SERVANT. A PRETTY PICTURE. + +The duties of the assistant-surgeon--the modern Roderick Random--on +board a line-of-battle ship are seldom very onerous in time of peace, +and often not worth mentioning. Suppose, for example, the reader is +that officer. At five bells--half-past six--in the morning, if you +happen to be a light sleeper, you will be sensible of some one gliding +silently into your cabin, rifling your pockets, and extracting your +watch, your money, and other your trinkets; but do not jump out of bed, +pray, with the intention of collaring him; it is no thief--only your +servant. Formerly this official used to be a marine, with whom on +joining your ship you bargained in the following manner. + +The marine walked up to you and touched his front hair, saying at the +same time,-- + +"_I_ don't mind looking arter you, sir," or "I'll do for you, sir." On +which you would reply,-- + +"All right! what's your name?" and he would answer "Cheeks," or whatever +his name might be. (Cheeks, that is the real Cheeks, being a sort of +visionary soldier--a phantom marine--and very useful at times, answering +in fact to the Nobody of higher quarters, who is to blame for so many +things,--"Nobody is to blame," and "Cheeks is to blame," being +synonymous sentences.) + +Now-a-days Government kindly allows each commissioned officer one half +of a servant, or one whole one between two officers, which, at times, is +found to be rather an awkward arrangement; as, for instance, you and, +say, the lieutenant of marines, have each the half of the same servant, +and you wish your half to go on shore with a message, and the lieutenant +requires his half to remain on board: the question then comes to be one +which only the wisdom of Solomon could solve, in the same way that +Alexander the Great loosed the Gordian knot. + +Your servant, then, on entering your cabin in the morning, carefully and +quietly deposits the contents of your pockets on your table, and, taking +all your clothes and your boots in his arms, silently flits from view, +and shortly after re-enters, having in the interval neatly folded and +brushed them. You are just turning round to go to sleep again, when-- + +"Six bells, sir, please," remarks your man, laying his hand on your +elbow, and giving you a gentle shake to insure your resuscitation, and +which will generally have the effect of causing you to spring at once +from your cot, perhaps in your hurry nearly upsetting the cup of +delicious ship's cocoa which he has kindly saved to you from his own +breakfast--a no small sacrifice either, if you bear in mind that his own +allowance is by no means very large, and that his breakfast consists of +cocoa and biscuits alone--these last too often containing more weevils +than flour. As you hurry into your bath, your servant coolly informs +you-- + +"Plenty of time, sir. Doctor himself hain't turned out yet." + +"Then," you inquire, "it isn't six bells?" + +"Not a bit on it, sir," he replies; "wants the quarter." + +The rogue has lied to get you up. + +At seven o'clock exactly you make your way forward to the sick-bay, on +the lower deck at the ship's bows. Now, this making your way forward +isn't by any means such an easy task as one might imagine; for at that +hour the deck is swarming with the men at their toilet, stripped to the +waist, every man at his tub, lathering, splashing, scrubbing and +rubbing, talking, laughing, joking, singing, sweating, and swearing. +Finding your way obstructed, you venture to touch one mildly on the bare +back, as a hint to move aside and let you pass; the man immediately +damns your eyes, then begs pardon, and says he thought it was Bill "at +his lark again." Another who is bending down over his tub you touch +more firmly on the _os innominatum_, and ask him in a free and easy sort +of tone to "slue round there." He "slues round," very quickly too, but +unfortunately in the wrong direction, and ten to one capsizes you in a +tub of dirty soapsuds. Having picked yourself up, you pursue your +journey, and sing out as a general sort of warning-- + +For the benefit of those happy individuals who never saw, or had to eat, +weevils, I may here state that they are small beetles of the exact size +and shape of the common woodlouse, and that the taste is rather insipid, +with a slight flavour of boiled beans. Never have tasted the woodlouse, +but should think the flavour would be quite similar. + +"Gangway there, lads," which causes at least a dozen of these worthies +to pass such ironical remarks to their companions as-- + +"Out of the doctor's way there, Tom." + +"Let the gentleman pass, can't you, Jack?" + +"Port your helm, Mat; the doctor wants you to." + +"Round with your stern, Bill; the surgeon's _mate_ is a passing." + +"Kick that donkey Jones out of the doctor's road,"--while at the same +time it is always the speaker himself who is in the way. + +At last, however, you reach the sick-bay in safety, and retire within +the screen. Here, if a strict service man, you will find the surgeon +already seated; and presently the other assistant enters, and the work +is begun. There is a sick-bay man, or dispenser, and a sick-bay cook, +attached to the medical department. The surgeon generally does the +brain-work, and the assistants the finger-work; and, to their shame be +it spoken, there are some surgeons too proud to consult their younger +brethren, whom they treat as assistant-drudges, not assistant-surgeons. + +At eight o'clock--before or after,--the work is over, and you are off to +breakfast. + +At nine o'clock the drum beats, when every one, not otherwise engaged, +is required to muster on the quarter-deck, every officer as he comes up +lifting his cap, not to the captain, but to the Queen. After inspection +the parson reads prayers; you are then free to write, or read, or +anything else in reason you choose; and, if in harbour, you may go on +shore--boats leaving the ship at regular hours for the convenience of +the officers--always premising that one medical man be left on board, in +case of accident. In most foreign ports where a ship may be lying, +there is no want of both pleasure and excitement on shore. Take for +example the little town of Simon's, about twenty miles from Cape Town, +with a population of not less than four thousand of Englishmen, Dutch, +Malays, Caffres, and Hottentots. The bay is large, and almost +landlocked. The little white town is built along the foot of a lofty +mountain. Beautiful walks can be had in every direction, along the hard +sandy sea-beach, over the mountains and on to extensive table-lands, or +away up into dark rocky dingles and heath-clad glens. Nothing can +surpass the beauty of the scenery, or the gorgeous loveliness of the +wild heaths and geraniums everywhere abounding. There is a good hotel +and billiard-room; and you can shoot where, when, and what you please-- +monkeys, pigeons, rock rabbits, wild ducks, or cobra-di-capellas. If +you long for more society, or want to see life, get a day or two days' +leave. Rise at five o'clock; the morning will be lovely and clear, with +the mist rising from its flowery bed on the mountain's brow, and the +sun, large and red, entering on a sky to which nor pen nor pencil could +do justice. The cart is waiting for you at the hotel, with an awning +spread above. Jump in: crack goes the long Caffre whip; away with a +plunge and a jerk go the three pairs of Caffre horses, and along the +sea-shore you dash, with the cool sea-breeze in your face, and the +water, green and clear, rippling up over the horses' feet; then, amid +such scenery, with such exhilarating weather, in such a life-giving +climate, if you don't feel a glow of pleasure that will send the blood +tingling through your veins, from the points of your ten toes to the +extreme end of your eyelashes, there must be something radically and +constitutionally wrong with you, and the sooner you go on board and dose +yourself with calomel and jalap the better. + +Arrived at Cape Town, a few introductions will simply throw the whole +city at your command, and all it contains. + +I do not intend this as a complete sketch of your trip, or I would have +mentioned some of the many beautiful spots and places of interest you +pass on the road--Rathfeldas for example, a hotel halfway, a house +buried in sweetness; and the country round about, with its dark waving +forests, its fruitful fields and wide-spreading vineyards, where the +grape seems to grow almost without cultivation; its comfortable +farm-houses; and above all its people, kind, generous, and hospitable as +the country is prolific. + +So you see, dear reader, a navy surgeon's life hath its pleasures. Ah, +indeed, it hath! and sorry I am to add, its sufferings too; for a few +pages farther on the picture must change: if we get the lights we must +needs take the shadows also. + +CHAPTER EIGHT. + +A GOOD DINNER. ENEMY ON THE PORT BOW. MAN THE LIFE-BOAT. + +We will suppose that the reader still occupies the position of +assistant-surgeon in a crack frigate or saucy line-of-battle ship. If +you go on shore for a walk in the forenoon you may return to lunch at +twelve; or if you have extended your ramble far into the country, or +gone to visit a friend or lady-love--though for the latter the gloaming +hour is to be preferred--you will in all probability have succeeded in +establishing an appetite by half-past five, when the officers' +dinner-boat leaves the pier. + +Now, I believe there are few people in the world to whom a good dinner +does not prove an attraction, and this is what in a large ship one is +always pretty sure of, more especially on guest-nights, which are +evenings set apart--one every week--for the entertainment of the +officers' friends, one or more of whom any officer may invite, by +previously letting the mess-caterer know of his intention. The +mess-caterer is the officer who has been elected to superintend the +victualling, as the wine-caterer does the liquor department, and a +by-no-means-enviable position it is, and consequently it is for ever +changing hands. Sailors are proverbial growlers, and, indeed, a certain +amount of growling is, and ought to be, permitted in every mess; but it +is scarcely fair for an officer, because his breakfast does not please +him, or if he can't get butter to his cheese after dinner, to launch +forth his indignation at the poor mess-caterer, who most likely is doing +all he can to please. These growlers too never speak right out or +directly to the point. It is all under-the-table stabbing. + +"Such and such a ship that I was in," says growler first, "and such and +such a mess--" + +"Oh, by George!" says growler second, "_I_ knew that ship; that was a +mess, and no mistake?" + +"Why, yes," replies number one, "the lunch we got there was better than +the dinner we have in this old clothes-basket." + +On guest-nights your friend sits beside yourself, of course, and you +attend to his corporeal wants. One of the nicest things about the +service, in my opinion, is the having the band every day at dinner; then +too everything is so orderly; with our president and vice-president, it +is quite like a pleasure party every evening; so that altogether the +dinner, while in harbour, comes to be the great event of the day. And +after the cloth has been removed, and the president, with a preliminary +rap on the table to draw attention, has given the only toast of the +evening, the Queen, and due honour has been paid thereto, and the +bandmaster, who has been keeking in at the door every minute for the +last ten, that he might not make a mistake in the time, has played "God +save the Queen," and returned again to waltzes, quadrilles, or +selections from operas,--then it is very pleasant and delightful to loll +over our walnuts and wine, and half-dream away the half-hour till coffee +is served. Then, to be sure, that little cigar in our canvas +smoking-room outside the wardroom door, though the last, is by no means +the least pleasant part of the _dejeuner_. For my own part, I enjoy the +succeeding hour or so as much as any: when, reclining in an easy chair, +in a quiet corner, I can sip my tea, and enjoy my favourite author to my +heart's content. You must spare half an hour, however, to pay your last +visit to the sick; but this will only tend to make you appreciate your +ease all the more when you have done. So the evening wears away, and by +ten o'clock you will probably just be sufficiently tired to enjoy +thoroughly your little swing-cot and your cool white sheets. + +At sea, luncheon, or tiffin, is dispensed with, and you dine at +half-past two. Not much difference in the quality of viands after all, +for now-a-days everything worth eating can be procured, in hermetically +sealed tins, capable of remaining fresh for any length of time. + +There is one little bit of the routine of the service, which at first +one may consider a hardship. + +You are probably enjoying your deepest, sweetest sleep, rocked in the +cradle of the deep, and gently swaying to and fro in your little cot; +you had turned in with the delicious consciousness of safety, for well +you knew that the ship was far away at sea, far from rock or reef or +deadly shoal, and that the night was clear and collision very +improbable, so you are slumbering like a babe on its mother's breast--as +you are for that matter--for the second night-watch is half spent; when, +mingling confusedly with your dreams, comes the roll of the drum; you +start and listen. There is a moment's pause, when birr-r-r-r it goes +again, and as you spring from your couch you hear it the third time. +And now you can distinguish the shouts of officers and petty officers, +high over the din of the trampling of many feet, of the battening down +of hatches, of the unmooring of great guns, and of heavy ropes and bars +falling on the deck: then succeeds a dead silence, soon broken by the +voice of the commander thundering, "Enemy on the port bow;" and then, +and not till then, do you know it is no real engagement, but the monthly +night-quarters. And you can't help feeling sorry there isn't a real +enemy on the port bow, or either bow, as you hurry away to the cockpit, +with the guns rattling all the while overhead, as if a real live +thunderstorm were being taken on board, and was objecting to be stowed +away. So you lay out your instruments, your sponges, your bottles of +wine, and your buckets of water, and, seating yourself in the midst, +begin to read `Midsummer Night's Dream,' ready at a moment's notice to +amputate the leg of any man on board, whether captain, cook, or +cabin-boy. + +Another nice little amusement the officer of the watch may give himself +on fine clear nights is to set fire to and let go the lifebuoy, at the +same time singing out at the top of his voice, "Man overboard." + +A boatswain's mate at once repeats the call, and vociferates down the +main hatchway, "Life-boat's crew a-ho-oy!" + +In our navy a few short but expressive moments of silence ever precede +the battle, that both officers and men may hold communion with their +God. + +The men belonging to this boat, who have been lying here and there +asleep but dressed, quickly tumble up the ladder pell-mell; there is a +rattling of oars heard, and the creaking of pulleys, then a splash in +the water alongside, the boat darts away from the ship like an arrow +from a bow, and the crew, rowing towards the blazing buoy, save the life +of the unhappy man, Cheeks the marine. + +And thus do British sailors rule the waves and keep old Neptune in his +own place. + +CHAPTER NINE. + +CONTAINING--IF NOT THE WHOLE--NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH. + +If the disposing, in the service, of even a ship-load of +assistant-surgeons, is considered a matter of small moment, my disposal, +after reaching the Cape of Good Hope, needs but small comment. I was +very soon appointed to take charge of a gunboat, in lieu of a gentleman +who was sent to the Naval Hospital of Simon's Town, to fill a death +vacancy--for the navy as well as nature abhors a vacuum. I had seen the +bright side of the service, I was now to have my turn of the dark; I had +enjoyed life on board a crack frigate, I was now to rough it in a +gunboat. + +The east coast of Africa was to be our cruising ground, and our ship a +pigmy steamer, with plenty fore-and-aft about her, but nothing else; in +fact, she was Euclid's definition of a line to a t, length without +breadth, and small enough to have done "excellently well" as a Gravesend +tug-boat. Her teeth were five: namely, one gigantic cannon, a +65-pounder, as front tooth; on each side a brass howitzer; and flanking +these, two canine tusks in shape of a couple of 12-pounder Armstrongs. +With this armament we were to lord it with a high hand over the Indian +Ocean; carry fire and sword, or, failing sword, the cutlass, into the +very heart of slavery's dominions; the Arabs should tremble at the roar +of our guns and the thunder of our bursting shells, while the slaves +should clank their chains in joyful anticipation of our coming; and best +of all, we--the officers--should fill our pockets with prize-money to +spend when we again reached the shores of merry England. Unfortunately, +this last premeditation was the only one which sustained disappointment, +for, our little craft being tender to the flag-ship of the station, all +our hard-earned prize-money had to be equally shared with her officers +and crew, which reduced the shares to fewer pence each than they +otherwise would have been pounds, and which was a burning shame. + +It was the Cape winter when I joined the gunboat. The hills were +covered with purple and green, the air was deliciously cool, and the +far-away mountain-tops were clad in virgin snow. It was twelve o'clock +noon when I took my traps on board, and found my new messmates seated +around the table at tiffin. The gunroom, called the wardroom by +courtesy--for the after cabin was occupied by the lieutenant +commanding--was a little morsel of an apartment, which the table and +five cane-bottomed chairs entirely filled. The officers were five-- +namely, a little round-faced, dimple-cheeked, good-natured fellow, who +was our second-master; a tall and rather awkward-looking young +gentleman, our midshipman; a lean, pert, and withal diminutive youth, +brimful of his own importance, our assistant-paymaster; a fair-haired, +bright-eyed, laughing boy from Cornwall, our sub-lieutenant; and a "wee +wee man," dapper, clean, and tidy, our engineer, admitted to this mess +because he was so thorough an exception to his class, which is +celebrated more for the unctuosity of its outer than for the smoothness +of its inner man. + +"Come along, old fellow," said our navigator, addressing me as I entered +the messroom, bobbing and bowing to evade fracture of the cranium by +coming into collision with the transverse beams of the deck above--"come +along and join us, we don't dine till four." + +"And precious little to dine upon," said the officer on his right. + +"Steward, let us have the rum," [Note 1] cried the first speaker. + +And thus addressed, the steward shuffled in, bearing in his hand a black +bottle, and apparently in imminent danger of choking himself on a large +mouthful of bread and butter. This functionary's dress was remarkable +rather for its simplicity than its purity, consisting merely of a pair +of dirty canvas pants, a pair of purser's shoes--innocent as yet of +blacking--and a greasy flannel shirt. But, indeed, uniform seemed to be +the exception, and not the rule, of the mess, for, while one wore a blue +serge jacket, another was arrayed in white linen, and the rest had +neither jacket nor vest. + +The table was guiltless of a cloth, and littered with beer-bottles, +biscuits, onions, sardines, and pats of butter. + +"Look out there, Waddles!" exclaimed the sub-lieutenant; "that beggar +Dawson is having his own whack o' grog and everybody else's." + +"Dang it! I'll have _my_ tot to-day, I know," said the +assistant-paymaster, snatching the bottle from Dawson, and helping +himself to a very liberal allowance of the ruby fluid. + +"What a cheek the fellow's got!" cried the midshipman, snatching the +glass from the table and bolting the contents at a gulp, adding, with a +gasp of satisfaction as he put down the empty tumbler, "The chap thinks +nobody's got a soul to be saved but himself." + +"Soul or no soul," replied the youthful man of money as he gazed +disconsolately at the empty glass, "my _spirit's_ gone." + +"Blessed," said the engineer, shaking the black bottle, "if you devils +have left me a drain! see if I don't look out for A1 to-morrow." + +"Where's the doctor's grog?" cried the sub-lieutenant. + +"Ay, where's the doctor's?" said another. + +"Where is the doctor's?" said a third. + +And they all said "Where is the doctor's?" and echo answered "Where?" + +"Steward!" said the middy. + +"Ay, ay, sir." + +"See if that beggarly bumboat-man is alongside, and get me another pat +of butter and some soft tack; get the grub first, then tell him I'll pay +to-morrow." + +These and such like scraps of conversation began to give me a little +insight into the kind of mess I had joined and the character of my +future messmates. "Steward," said I, "show me my cabin." He did so; +indeed, he hadn't far to go. It was the aftermost, and consequently the +smallest, although I _ought_ to have had my choice. It was the most +miserable little box I ever reposed in. Had I owned such a place on +shore, I _might_ have been induced to keep rabbits in it, or +guinea-pigs, but certainly not pigeons. Its length was barely six feet, +its width four above my cot and two below, and it was minus sufficient +standing-room for any ordinary-sized sailor; it was, indeed, a cabin for +a commodore--I mean Commodore Nutt--and was ventilated by a scuttle +seven inches in diameter, which could only be removed in harbour, and +below which, when we first went to sea, I was fain to hang a leather +hat-box to catch the water; unfortunately the bottom rotted out, and I +was then at the mercy of the waves. + +My cabin, or rather--to stick to the plain unvarnished truth--my burrow, +was alive with scorpions, cockroaches, ants, and other "crawlin' +ferlies." + + "That e'en to name would be unlawfu'." + +My dispensary was off the steerage, and sister-cabin to the pantry. To +it I gained access by a species of crab-walking, squeezing myself past a +large brass pump, and edging my body in sideways. The sick came one by +one to the dispensary door, and there I saw and treated each case as it +arrived, dressed the wounds and bruises and putrefying sores, and +bandaged the bad legs. There was no sick-berth attendant; to be sure +the lieutenant-in-command, at my request, told off "a little cabin-boy" +for my especial use. I had no cause for delectation on such an +acquisition, by no means; he was not a model cabin-boy like what you see +in theatres, and I believe will never become an admiral. He managed at +times to wash out the dispensary, or gather cockroaches, and make the +poultices--only in doing the first he broke the bottles, and in +performing the last duty he either let the poultice burn or put salt in +it; and, finally, he smashed my pot, and I kicked him forward, and +demanded another. _He_ was slightly better, only he was seldom visible; +and when I set him to do anything, he at once went off into a sweet +slumber; so I kicked him forward too, and had in despair to become my +own menial. In both dispensary and burrow it was quite a difficult +business to prevent everything going to speedy destruction. The best +portions of my uniform got eaten by cockroaches or moulded by damp, +while my instruments required cleaning every morning, and even that did +not keep rust at bay. + +Imagine yourself dear reader, in any of the following interesting +positions:-- + +Very thirsty, and nothing but boiling hot newly distilled water to +drink; or wishing a cool bath of a morning, and finding the water in +your can only a little short of 212 degrees Fahrenheit. + +To find, when you awake, a couple of cockroaches, two inches in length, +busy picking your teeth. + +To find one in a state of decay in the mustard-pot. + +To have to arrange all the droppings and eggs of these interesting +creatures on the edge of your plate, previous to eating your soup. + +To have to beat out the dust and weevils from every square inch of +biscuit before putting it in your mouth. + +To be looking for a book and put your hand on a full-grown scaly +scorpion. Nice sensation--the animal twining round your finger, or +running up your sleeve. _Denouement_--cracking him under foot-- +full-flavoured bouquet--joy at escaping a sting. + +You are enjoying your dinner, but have been for some time sensible of a +strange titillating feeling about the region of your ankle; you look down +at last to find a centipede on your sock, with his fifty hind-legs--you +thank God not his fore fifty--abutting on to your shin. _Tableau_-- +green and red light from the eyes of the many-legged; horror of yourself +as you wait till he thinks proper to "move on." + +To awake in the morning, and find a large and healthy-looking tarantula +squatting on your pillow within ten inches of your nose, with his +basilisk eyes fixed on yours, and apparently saying, "You're only just +awake, are you? I've been sitting here all the morning watching you." + +You know if you move he'll bite you, somewhere; and if he _does_ bite +you, you'll go mad and dance _ad libitum_; so you twist your mouth in +the opposite direction and ejaculate-- + +"Steward!" but the steward does not come--in fact he is forward, seeing +after the breakfast. Meanwhile the gentleman on the pillow is moving +his horizontal mandibles in a most threatening manner, and just as he +makes a rush for your nose you tumble out of bed with a shriek; and, if +a very nervous person, probably run on deck in your shirt. + +Or, to fall asleep under the following circumstances: The bulkheads, all +around, black with cock-and-hen-roaches, a few of which are engaged +cropping your toe-nails, or running off with little bits of the skin of +your calves; bugs in the crevices of your cot, a flea tickling the sole +of your foot, a troop of ants carrying a dead cockroach over your +pillow, lively mosquitoes attacking you everywhere, hammer-legged flies +occasionally settling on your nose, rats running in and rats running +out, your lamp just going out, and the delicious certainty that an +indefinite number of earwigs and scorpions, besides two centipedes and a +tarantula, are hiding themselves somewhere in your cabin. + +------------------------------------------------------------------------ + +Note 1. Officers, as well as men, are allowed one half-gill of rum +daily, with this difference,--the former pay for theirs, while the +latter do not. + +CHAPTER TEN. + +ROUND THE CAPE AND UP THE 'BIQUE. SLAVER-HUNTING. + +It was a dark-grey cloudy forenoon when we "up anchor" and sailed from +Simon's Bay. Frequent squalls whitened the water, and there was every +indication of our being about to have dirty weather; and the tokens told +no lies. To our little craft, however, the foul weather that followed +seemed to be a matter of very little moment; for, when the wind or waves +were in any way high, she kept snugly below water, evidently thinking +more of her own convenience than our comfort, for such a procedure on +her part necessitated our leading a sort of amphibious existence, better +suited to the tastes of frogs than human beings. Our beds too, or +matresses, became converted into gigantic poultices, in which we nightly +steamed, like as many porkers newly shaven. Judging from the amount of +salt which got encrusted on our skins, there was little need to fear +danger, we were well preserved--so much so indeed, that, but for the +constant use of the matutinal freshwater bath, we would doubtless have +shared the fate of Lot's wife and been turned into pillars of salt. + +After being a few days at sea the wind began to moderate, and finally +died away; and instead thereof we had thunderstorms and waves, which, if +not so big as mountains, would certainly have made pretty large hills. + +Many a night did we linger on deck till well nigh morning, entranced by +the sublime beauty and terrible grandeur of those thunderstorms. The +roar and rattle of heaven's artillery; the incessant _floods_ of +lightning--crimson, blue, or white; our little craft hanging by the bows +to the crest of each huge inky billow, or next moment buried in the +valley of the waves, with a wall of black waters on every side; the wet +deck, the slippery shrouds, and the faces of the men holding on to the +ropes and appearing so strangely pale in the electric light; I see the +whole picture even now as I write--a picture, indeed, that can never, +never fade from my memory. + +Our cruising "ground" lay between the island and town of Mozambique in +the south, to about Magadoxa, some seven or eight degrees north of the +Equator. + +Nearly the whole of the slave-trade is carried on by the Arabs, one or +two Spaniards sometimes engaging in it likewise. The slaves are brought +from the far interior of South Africa, where they can be purchased for a +small bag of rice each. They are taken down in chained gangs to the +coast, and there in some secluded bay the dhows lie, waiting to take +them on board and convey them to the slave-mart at Zanzibar, to which +place Arab merchants come from the most distant parts of Arabia and +Persia to buy them. Dhows are vessels with one or two masts, and a +corresponding number of large sails, and of a very peculiar +construction, being shaped somewhat like a short or Blucher boot, the +high part of the boot representing the poop. They have a thatched roof +over the deck, the projecting eaves of which render boarding exceedingly +difficult to an enemy. + +Sometimes, on rounding the corner of a lagoon island, we would quietly +and unexpectedly steam into the midst of a fleet of thirty to forty of +these queer-looking vessels, very much to our own satisfaction, and +their intense consternation. Imagine a cat popping down among as many +mice, and you will be able to form some idea of the scramble that +followed. However, by dint of steaming here and there, and expending a +great deal of shot and shell, we generally managed to keep them together +as a dog would a flock of sheep, until we examined all their papers with +the aid of our interpreter, and probably picked out a prize. + +I wish I could say the prizes were anything like numerous; for perhaps +one-half of all the vessels we board are illicit slaveholders, and yet +we cannot lay a finger on them. One may well ask why? It has been +said, and it is generally believed in England, that our cruisers are +sweeping the Indian Ocean of slavers, and stamping out the curse. But +the truth is very different, and all that we are doing, or able at +present to do, is but to pull an occasional hair from the hoary locks of +the fiend Slavery. This can be proved from the return-sheets, which +every cruiser sends home, of the number of vessels boarded, generally +averaging one thousand yearly to each man-o'-war, of which the half at +least have slaves or slave-irons on board; but only two, or at most +three, of these will become prizes. The reason of this will easily be +understood, when the reader is informed, that the Sultan of Zanzibar has +liberty to take any number of slaves from any one portion of his +dominions to another: these are called household slaves; and, as his +dominions stretch nearly all along the eastern shores of Africa, it is +only necessary for the slave-dealer to get his sanction and seal to his +papers in order to steer clear of British law. This, in almost every +case, can be accomplished by means of a bribe. So slavery flourishes, +the Sultan draws a good fat revenue from it, and the Portuguese--no +great friends to us at any time--laugh and wink to see John Bull paying +his thousands yearly for next to nothing. Supposing we liberate even +two thousand slaves a year, which I am not sure we do however, there are +on the lowest estimate six hundred slaves bought and sold daily in +Zanzibar mart; two hundred and nineteen thousand in a twelvemonth; and, +of our two thousand that are set free in Zanzibar, most, if not all, +by-and-bye, become bondsmen again. + +I am not an advocate for slavery, and would like to see a wholesale raid +made against it, but I do not believe in the retail system; selling +freedom in pennyworths, and spending millions in doing it, is very like +burning a penny candle in seeking for a cent. Yet I sincerely believe, +that there is more good done to the spread of civilisation and religion +in one year, by the slave-traffic, than all our missionaries can do in a +hundred. Don't open your eyes and smile incredulously, intelligent +reader; we live in an age when every question is looked at on both +sides, and why should not this? What becomes of the hundreds of +thousands of slaves that are taken from Africa? They are sold to the +Arabs--that wonderful race, who have been second only to Christians in +the good they have done to civilisation; they are taken from a state of +degradation, bestiality, and wretchedness, worse by far than that of the +wild beasts, and from a part of the country too that is almost unfit to +live in, and carried to more favoured lands, spread over the sunny +shores of fertile Persia and Arabia, fed and clothed and cared for; +after a few years of faithful service they are even called sons and feed +at their master's table--taught all the trades and useful arts, besides +the Mahommedan religion, which is certainly better than none--and, above +all, have a better chance given them of one day hearing and learning the +beautiful tenets of Christianity, the religion of love. + +I have met with few slaves who after a few years did not say, "Praised +be Allah for the good day I was take from me coontry!" and whose only +wish to return was, that they might bring away some aged parent, or +beloved sister, from the dark cheerless home of their infancy. + +Means and measures much more energetic must be brought into action if +the stronghold of slavedom is to be stormed, and, if not, it were better +to leave it alone. "If the work be of God ye cannot overthrow it; lest +haply ye be found to fight even against God." + +CHAPTER ELEVEN. + +AN UNLUCKY SHIP. THE DAYS WHEN WE WENT GIPSYING. INAMBANE. QUILP THE +PILOT AND LAMOO. + +It might have been that our vessel was launched on a Friday, or sailed +on a Friday; or whether it was owing to our carrying the devil on board +of us in shape of a big jet-black cat, and for whom the lifebuoy was +thrice let go, and boats lowered in order to save his infernal majesty +from a watery grave; but whatever was the reason, she was certainly a +most unlucky ship from first to last; for during a cruise of eighteen +months, four times did we run aground on dangerous reefs, twice were we +on fire--once having had to scuttle the decks--once we sprung a bad leak +and were nearly foundering, several times we narrowly escaped the same +speedy termination to our cruise by being taken aback, while, compared +to our smaller dangers or lesser perils, Saint Paul's adventures--as a +Yankee would express it--wern't a circumstance. + +On the other hand, we were amply repaid by the many beautiful spots we +visited; the lovely wooded creeks where the slave-dhows played at hide +and seek with us, and the natural harbours, at times surrounded by +scenery so sweetly beautiful and so charmingly solitary, that, if +fairies still linger on this earth, one must think they would choose +just such places as these for their moonlight revels. Then there were +so many little towns--Portuguese settlements--to be visited, for the +Portuguese have spread themselves, after the manner of wild +strawberries, all round the coast of Africa, from Sierra Leone on the +west to Zanzibar on the east. There was as much sameness about these +settlements as about our visits to them: a few houses--more like tents-- +built on the sand (it does seem funny to see sofas, chairs, and the +piano itself standing among the deep soft sand); a fort, the guns of +which, if fired, would bring down the walls; a few white-jacketed +swarthy-looking soldiers; a very polite governor, brimful of hospitality +and broken English; and a good dinner, winding up with punch of +schnapps. + +Memorable too are the pleasant boating excursions we had on the calm +bosom of the Indian Ocean. Armed boats used to be detached to cruise +for three or four weeks at a time in quest of prizes, at the end of +which time they were picked up at some place of rendezvous. By day we +sailed about the coast and around the small wooded islets, where dhows +might lurk, only landing in sheltered nooks to cook and eat our food. +Our provisions were ship's, but at times we drove great bargains with +the naked natives for fowls and eggs and goats; then would we make +delicious soups, rich ragouts, and curries fit for the king of the +Cannibal Islands. Fruit too we had in plenty, and the best of oysters +for the gathering, with iguana most succulent of lizards, occasionally +fried flying-fish, or delicate morsels of shark, skip-jack, or devilled +dolphin, with a glass of prime rum to wash the whole down, and three +grains of quinine to charm away the fever. There was, too, about these +expeditions, an air of gipsying that was quite pleasant. To be sure our +beds were a little hard, but we did not mind that; while clad in our +blanket-suits, and covered with a boat-sail, we could defy the dew. +Sleep, or rather the want of sleep, we seldom had to complain of, for +the blue star-lit sky above us, the gentle rising and falling of the +anchored boat, the lip-lipping of the water, and the sighing sound of +the wind through the great forest near us--all tended to woo us to +sweetest slumber. + +Sometimes we would make long excursions up the rivers of Africa, +combining business with pleasure, enjoying the trip, and at the same +time gleaning some useful information regarding slave or slave-ship. +The following sketch concerning one or two of these may tend to show, +that a man does not take leave of all enjoyment, when his ship leaves +the chalky cliffs of old England. + +Our anchor was dropped outside the bar of Inambane river; the grating +noise of the chain as it rattled through the hawse-hole awoke me, and I +soon after went on deck. It was just six o'clock and a beautiful clear +morning, with the sun rising red and rosy--like a portly gentleman +getting up from his wine--and smiling over the sea in quite a pleasant +sort of way. So, as both Neptune and Sol seemed propitious, the +commander, our second-master, and myself made up our minds to visit the +little town and fort of Inambane, about forty--we thought fifteen--miles +up the river. But breakfast had to be prepared and eaten, the magazine +and arms got into the boat, besides a day's provisions, with rum and +quinine to be stowed away, so that the sun had got a good way up the +sky, and now looked more like a portly gentleman whose dinner had +disagreed, before we had got fairly under way and left the ship's side. +Never was forenoon brighter or fairer, only one or two snowy banks of +cloud interrupting the blue of the sky, while the river, miles broad, +stole silently seaward, unruffled by wave or wavelet, so that the hearts +of both men and officers were light as the air they breathed was pure. +The men, bending cheerfully on their oars, sang snatches of Dibdin-- +Neptune's poet laureate; and we, tired of talking, reclined astern, +gazing with half-shut eyes on the round undulating hills, that, covered +with low mangrove-trees and large exotics, formed the banks of the +river. We passed numerous small wooded islands and elevated sandbanks, +on the edges of which whole regiments of long-legged birds waded about +in search of food, or, starting at our approach, flew over our heads in +Indian file, their bright scarlet-and-white plumage showing prettily +against the blue of the sky. Shoals of turtle floated past, and +hundreds of rainbow-coloured jelly-fishes, while, farther off, many +large black bodies--the backs of hippopotami--moved on the surface of +the water, or anon disappeared with a sullen plash. Saving these sounds +and the dip of our own oars, all was still, the silence of the desert +reigned around us, the quiet of a newly created world. + +The forenoon wore away, the river got narrower, but, though we could see +a distance of ten miles before us, neither life nor sign of life could +be perceived. At one o'clock we landed among a few cocoa-nut trees to +eat our meagre dinner, a little salt pork, raw, and a bit of biscuit. +No sooner had we "shoved off" again than the sky became overcast; we +were caught in, and had to pull against, a blinding white-squall that +would have laid a line-of-battle on her beam ends. The rain poured down +as if from a water-spout, almost filling the boat and drenching us to +the skin, and, not being able to see a yard ahead, our boat ran aground +and stuck fast. It took us a good hour after the squall was over to +drag her into deep water; nor were our misfortunes then at an end, for +squall succeeded squall, and, having a journey of uncertain length still +before us, we began to feel very miserable indeed. + +It was long after four o'clock when, tired, wet, and hungry, we hailed +with joy a large white house on a wooded promontory; it was the +Governor's castle, and soon after we came in sight of the town itself. +Situated so far in the interior of Africa, in a region so wild, few +would have expected to find such a little paradise as we now beheld,--a +colony of industrious Portuguese, a large fort and a company of +soldiers, a governor and consulate, a town of nice little detached +cottages, with rows of cocoa-nut, mango, and orange trees, and in fact +all the necessaries, and luxuries of civilised life. It was, indeed, an +oasis in the desert, and, to us, the most pleasant of pleasant +surprises. + +Leaving the men for a short time with the boat, we made our way to the +house of the consul, a dapper little gentleman with a pretty wife and +two beautiful daughters--flowers that had hitherto blushed unseen and +wasted their sweetness in the desert air. + +Our welcome was most warm. After making us swallow a glass of brandy +each to keep off fever, he kindly led us to a room, and made us strip +off our wet garments, while a servant brought bundle after bundle of +clothes, and spread them out before us. There were socks and shirts and +slippers galore, with waistcoats, pantaloons, and head-dresses, and +jackets, enough to have dressed an opera troupe. The commander and I +furnished ourselves with a red Turkish fez and dark-grey dressing-gown +each, with cord and tassels to correspond, and, thus, arrayed, we +considered ourselves of no small account. Our kind entertainers were +waiting for us in the next room, where they had, in the mean time, been +preparing for us the most fragrant of brandy punch. By-and-bye two +officers and a tall Parsee dropped in, and for the next hour or so the +conversation was of the most animated and lively description, although a +bystander, had there been one, would not have been much edified, for the +following reason: the younger daughter and myself were flirting in the +ancient Latin language, with an occasional soft word in Spanish; our +commander was talking in bad French to the consul's lady, who was +replying in Portuguese; the second-master was maintaining a smart +discussion in broken Italian with the elder daughter; the Parsee and +officer of the fort chiming in, the former in English, the latter in +Hindostanee; but as no one of the four could have had the slightest idea +of the other's meaning, the amount of information given and received +must have been very small,--in fact, merely nominal. It must not, +however, be supposed that our host or hostesses could speak _no_ +English, for the consul himself would frequently, and with a bow that +was inimitable, push the bottle towards the commander, and say, as he +shrugged his shoulders and turned his palms skywards, "Continue you, Sar +Capitan, to wet your whistle;" and, more than once, the fair creature by +my side would raise and did raise the glass to her lips, and say, as her +eyes sought mine, "Good night, Sar Officeer," as if she meant me to be +off to bed without a moment's delay, which I knew she did not. Then, +when I responded to the toast, and complimented her on her knowledge of +the "universal language," she added, with a pretty shake of the head, +"No, Sar Officeer, I no can have speak the mooch Englese." A servant,-- +apparently newly out of prison, so closely was his hair cropped,-- +interrupted our pleasant confab, and removed the seat of our Babel to +the dining-room, where as nicely-cooked-and-served a dinner as ever +delighted the senses of hungry mortality awaited our attention. No +large clumsy joints, huge misshapen roasts or bulky boils, hampered the +board; but dainty made-dishes, savoury stews, piquant curries, delicate +fricassees whose bouquet tempted even as their taste and flavour +stimulated the appetite, strange little fishes as graceful in shape as +lovely in colour, vegetables that only the rich luxuriance of an African +garden could supply, and numerous other nameless nothings, with +delicious wines and costly liqueurs, neatness, attention, and kindness, +combined to form our repast, and counteract a slight suspicion of +crocodiles' tails and stewed lizard, for where ignorance is bliss a +fellow is surely a fool if he is wise. + +We spent a most pleasant evening in asking questions, spinning yarns, +singing songs, and making love. The younger daughter--sweet child of +the desert--sang `Amante de alguno;' her sister played a selection from +`La Traviata;' next, the consul's lady favoured us with something +pensive and sad, having reference, I think, to bright eyes, bleeding +hearts, love, and slow death; then, the Parsee chanted a Persian hymn +with an "Allalallala," instead of Fol-di-riddle-ido as a chorus, which +elicited "Fra poco a me" from the Portuguese lieutenant; and this last +caused our commander to seat himself at the piano, turn up the white of +his eyes, and in very lugubrious tones question the probability of +"Gentle Annie's" ever reappearing in any spring-time whatever; then, +amid so much musical sentimentality and woe, it was not likely that I +was to hold my peace, so I lifted up my voice and sang-- + + "Cauld kail in Aberdeen, + An' cas ticks in Strathbogie; + Ilka chiel maun hae a quean + Bit leeze me on ma cogie--" + +with a pathos that caused the tears to trickle over and adown the nose +of the younger daughter--she was of the gushing temperament--and didn't +leave a dry eye in the room. The song brought down the house--so to +speak--and I was the hero for the rest of the evening. Before parting +for the night we also sang `Auld lang syne,' copies of the words having +been written out and distributed, to prevent mistakes; this was supposed +by our hostess to be the English national anthem. + +It was with no small amount of regret that we parted from our friends +next day; a fresh breeze carried us down stream, and, except our running +aground once or twice, and being nearly drowned in crossing the bar, we +arrived safely on board our saucy gunboat. + +------------------------------------------------------------------------ + +"Afric's sunny fountains" have been engaged for such a length of time in +the poetical employment of "rolling down their golden sands," that a +bank or bar of that same bright material has been formed at the mouth of +every river, which it is very difficult and often dangerous to cross +even in canoes. We had despatched boats before us to take soundings on +the bar of Lamoo, and prepared to follow in the track thus marked out. +Now, our little bark, although not warranted, like the Yankee boat, to +float wherever there is a heavy dew, was nevertheless content with a +very modest allowance of the aqueous element; in two and a half fathoms +she was quite at home, and even in two--with the help of a few +breakers--she never failed to bump it over a bar. We approached the bar +of Lamoo, therefore, with a certain degree of confidence till the keel +rasped on the sand; this caused us to turn astern till we rasped again; +then, being neither able to get back nor forward, we stopped ship, put +our fingers in our wise mouths, and tried to consider what next was to +be done. Just then a small canoe was observed coming bobbing over the +big waves that tumbled in on the bar; at one moment it was hidden behind +a breaker, next moment mounting over another, and so, after a little +game at bo-peep, it got alongside, and from it there scrambled on board +a little, little man, answering entirely to Dickens's description of +Quilp. + +"Quilp!" said the commander. + +"Quilp!! by George!" repeated our second-master. + +"Quilp!!!" added I, "by all that's small and ugly." + +"Your sarvant, sar," said Quilp himself. "I am one pilot." There +certainly was not enough of him to make two. He was rather darker in +skin than the Quilp of Dickens, and his only garment was a coal-sack +without sleeves--no coal-sack _has_ sleeves, however--begirt with a +rope, in which a short knife was stuck; he had, besides, sandals on his +feet, and his temples were begirt with a dirty dishclout by way of +turban, and he repeated, "I am one pilot, sar." + +"Can you take us over the bar?" asked the commander. + +"How much water you?" + +"Three fathoms." + +"I do it, sar, plenty quick." + +"Twenty shillings if you do." + +"I do it, sar. I do him," cried the little man, as he mounted the +bridge; then cocking his head to one side, and spreading out his arms +like a badly feathered duck, he added, "Suppose I no do him plenty +proper, you catchee me and make shot." + +"If the vessel strikes, I'll hang you, sir." + +Quilp grinned--which was his way of smiling. + +"Up steam, sar!" he cried; the order was obeyed. + +"Go 'head. Stabird a leetle." + +"And a half three," sung the man in the chains; then, "And a half four;" +and by-and-bye, "And a half three" again; followed next moment by, "By +the deep three." + +The commander was all in a fidget. We were on the dreaded bar; on each +side of us the big waves curled and broke with a sullen boom like +far-off thunder; only, where we were, no waves broke. + +"Mind yourself now," cried the commander to Quilp; to which he in wrath +replied-- + +"What for you stand there make bobbery? _I_ is de cap'n; suppose you is +fear, go alow, sar." + +"And a quarter less three." + +"Steady!" and a large wave broke right aboard of us, almost sweeping us +from the deck, and lifting the ship's head into the sky. Another and +another followed; but amid the wet and the spray, and the roar of the +breakers, firmly stood the little pilot, coolly giving his orders, and +never for an instant taking his eyes from the vessel's jib-boom and the +distant shore, till we were safely through the surf and quietly steaming +up the river. + +After proceeding some miles, native villages began to appear here and +there on both shores, and the great number of dhows on the river, with +boats and canoes of every description, told us we were nearing a large +town. Two hours afterwards we were anchored under the guns of the +Sultan's palace, which were belching forth fire and smoke in return for +the salute we had fired. We found every creature and thing in Lamoo as +entirely primitive, as absolutely foreign, as if it were a city in some +other planet. The most conspicuous building is the Sultan's lofty fort +and palace, with its spacious steps, its fountains and marble halls. +The streets are narrow and confused; the houses built in the Arab +fashion, and in many cases connected by bridges at the top; the +inhabitants about forty thousand, including Arabs, Persians, Hindoos, +Somali Indians, and slaves. The wells, exceedingly deep, are built in +the centre of the street without any protection; and girls, carrying on +their heads calabashes, are continually passing to and from them. +Slaves, two and two, bearing their burdens of cowries and ivory on poles +between, and keeping step to an impromptu chant; black girls weaving +mats and grass-cloth; strange-looking tradesmen, with stranger tools, at +every door; rich merchants borne along in gilded palanquins; people +praying on housetops; and the Sultan's ferocious soldiery prowling +about, with swords as tall, and guns nearly twice as tall, as +themselves; a large shark-market; a fine bazaar, with gold-dust, ivory, +and tiger-skins exposed for sale; sprightly horses with gaudy trappings; +solemn-looking camels; dust and stench and a general aroma of savage +life and customs pervading the atmosphere, but law and order +nevertheless. People of all religions agree like brothers. No +spirituous liquor of any sort is sold in the town; the Sultan's soldiers +go about the streets at night, smelling the breath of the suspected, and +the faintest odour of the accursed fire-water dooms the poor mortal to +fifty strokes with a thick bamboo-cane next morning. The sugar-cane +grows wild in the fertile suburbs, amid a perfect forest of fine trees; +farther out in the country the cottager dwells beneath his few cocoa-nut +trees, which supply him with all the necessaries of life. One tree for +each member of his family is enough. _He_ builds the house and fences +with its large leaves; his wife prepares meat and drink, cloth and oil, +from the nut; the space between the trees is cultivated for curry, and +the spare nuts are sold to purchase luxuries, and the rent of twelve +trees is only _sixpence_ of our money. Happy country! no drunkenness, +no debt, no religious strife, but peace and contentment everywhere! +Reader, if you are in trouble, or your affairs are going "to pot," or if +you are of opinion that this once favoured land is getting used up, I +sincerely advise you to sell off your goods and be off to Lamoo. + +CHAPTER TWELVE. + +PROS AND CONS. + +Of the "gentlemen of England who live at home at ease," very few can +know how entirely dependent for happiness one is on his neighbours. Man +is out-and-out, or out-and-in, a gregarious animal, else `Robinson +Crusoe' had never been written. Now, I am sure that it is only correct +to state that the majority of combatant [Note 1] officers are, in simple +language, jolly nice fellows, and as a class gentlemen, having, in fact, +that fine sense of honour, that good-heartedness, which loves to do as +it would be done by, which hurteth not the feelings of the humble, which +turneth aside from the worm in its path, and delighteth not in plucking +the wings from the helpless fly. To believe, however, that there are no +exceptions to this rule would be to have faith in the speedy advent of +the millennium, that happy period of lamb-and-lion-ism which we would +all rather see than hear tell of; for human nature is by no means +altered by bathing every morning in salt water, it is the same afloat as +on shore. And there are many officers in the navy, who--"dressed in a +little brief authority," and wearing an additional stripe--love to lord +it over their fellow worms. Nor is this fault altogether absent from +the medical profession itself! + +It is in small gunboats, commanded perhaps by a lieutenant, and carrying +only an assistant-surgeon, where a young medical officer feels all the +hardships and despotism of the service; for if the lieutenant in command +happens to be at all frog-hearted, he has then a splendid opportunity of +puffing himself up. + +In a large ship with from twenty to thirty officers in the mess, if you +do not happen to meet with a kindred spirit at one end of the table, you +can shift your chair to the other. But in a gunboat on foreign service, +with merely a clerk, a blatant middy, and a second-master who would fain +be your senior, as your messmates, then, I say, God help you! unless you +have the rare gift of doing anything for a quiet life. It is all +nonsense to say, "Write a letter on service about any grievance;" you +can't write about ten out of a thousand of the petty annoyances which go +to make your life miserable; and if you do, you will be but little +better, if, indeed, your last state be not worse than your first. + +I have in my mind's eye even now a lieutenant who commanded a gunboat in +which I served as medical officer in charge. This little man was what +is called a sea-lawyer--my naval readers well know what I mean; he knew +all the Admiralty Instructions, was an amateur engineer, only needed the +title of M.D. to make him a doctor, could quibble and quirk, and in fact +could prove by the Queen's Regulations that your soul, to say nothing of +your body, wasn't your own; that _you_ were a slave, and _he_ lord--god +of all he surveyed. Peace be with him! he has gone to his account; he +will not require an advocate, he can speak for himself. Not many such +hath the service, I am happy to say. He was continually changing his +poor hard-worked sub-lieutenants, and driving his engineers to drink, +previously to trying them by court-martial. At first he and I got on +very well; apparently he "loved me like a vera brither;" but we did not +continue long "on the same platform," and, from the day we had the first +difference of opinion, he was my foe, and a bitter one too. I assure +you, reader, it gave me a poor idea of the service, for it was my first +year. He was always on the outlook for faults, and his kindest words to +me were "chaffing" me on my accent, or about my country. To be able to +meet him on his own ground I studied the Instructions day and night, and +tried to stick by them. + +Malingering was common on board; one or two whom I caught I turned to +duty: the men, knowing how matters stood between the commander and me, +refused to work, and so I was had up and bullied on the quarter-deck for +"neglect of duty" in not putting these fellows on the sick-list. After +this I had to put every one that asked on the sick-list. + +"Doctor," he would say to me on reporting the number sick, "this is +_wondrous_ strange--_thirteen_ on the list, out of only ninety men. +Why, sir, I've been in line-of-battle ships,--_line-of-battle_ ships, +sir,--where they had not ten sick--_ten sick_, sir." This of course +implied an insult to me, but I was like a sheep before the shearers, +dumb. + +On Sunday mornings I went with him the round of inspection; the sick who +were able to be out of hammock were drawn up for review: had he been +half as particular with the men under his own charge or with the ship in +general as he was with the few sick, there would have been but little +disease to treat. Instead of questioning _me_ concerning their +treatment, he interrogated the sick themselves, quarrelling with the +medicine given, and pooh-pooh-ing my diagnosis. Those in hammocks, who +most needed gentleness and comfort, he bullied, blamed for being ill, +and rendered generally uneasy. Remonstrance on my part was either taken +no notice of, or instantly checked. If men were reported by me for +being dirty, giving impudence, or disobeying orders, _he_ became their +advocate--an able one too--and _I_ had to retire, sorry I had spoken. +But I would not tell the tenth part of what I had to suffer, because +such men as he are the _exception_, and because he is dead. A little +black baboon of a boy who attended on this lieutenant-commanding had one +day incurred his displeasure: "Bo'swain's mate," cried he, "take my boy +forward, hoist him on an ordinary seaman's back, and give him a +rope's-ending; and," turning to me, "Doctor, you'll go and attend my +boy's flogging." + +I dared not trust myself to reply. With a face like crimson I rushed +below to my cabin, and--how could I help it?--made a baby of myself for +once; all my pent-up feelings found vent in a long fit of crying. + +True, I might in this case have written a letter to the service about my +treatment; but, as it is not till after twelve months the +assistant-surgeon is confirmed, the commander's word would have been +taken before mine, and I probably dismissed without a court-martial. + +That probationary year I consider more than a grievance, it is a _cruel +injustice_. + +Cabins? There is a regulation--of late more strictly enforced by a +circular--that every medical officer serving on board his own ship shall +have a cabin, and the choice--by rank--of cabin, and he is a fool if he +does not enforce it. But it sometimes happens that a sub-lieutenant +(who has no cabin) is promoted to lieutenant on a foreign station; he +will then rank above the assistant-surgeon, and perhaps, if there is no +spare cabin, the poor doctor will have to give up his, and take to a +sea-chest and hammock, throwing all his curiosities, however valuable, +overboard. It would be the duty of the captain in such a case to build +an additional cabin, and if he did not, or would not, a letter to the +admiral would make him. + +Does the combatant officer treat the medical officer with respect? +Certainly, unless one or other of the two be a snob: in the one case the +respect is not worth having, in the other it can't be expected. + +In the military branch you shall find many officers belonging to the +best English families: these I need hardly say are for the most part +gentlemen, and gentle men. However, it is allowed in most messes that + + "The rank is but the guinea's stamp, + A man's man for a' that;" + +and I assure the candidate for a commission, that, if he is himself a +gentleman, he will find no want of admirers in the navy. But there are +some young doctors who enter the service, knowing their profession to be +sure, and how to hold a knife and fork--not a carving-fork though--but +knowing little else; yet even these soon settle down, and, if they are +not dismissed by court-martial for knocking some one down at cards, or +on the quarter-deck, turn out good service-officers. Indeed, after all, +I question if it be good to know too much of fine-gentility on entering +the service, for, although the navy officers one meets have much that is +agreeable, honest, and true, there is through it all a vein of what can +only be designated as the coarse. The science of conversation, that +beautiful science that says and lets say, that can listen as well as +speak, is but little studied. Mostly all the talk is "shop," or rather +"ship." There is a want of tone in the discourse, a lack of refinement. +The delicious chit-chat on new books, authors, poetry, music, or the +drama, interspersed with anecdote, incident, and adventure, and +enlivened with the laughter-raising pun or happy bon-mot, is, alas! but +too seldom heard: the rough joke, the tales of women, ships, and former +ship-mates, and the old, old, stale "good things,"--these are more +fashionable at our navy mess-board. Those who would object to such +conversation are in the minority, and prefer to let things hang as they +grew. Now, only one thing can ever alter this, and that is a good and +perfect library in every ship, to enable officers, who spend most of +their time out of society, to keep up with the times if possible. But I +fear I am drifting imperceptibly into the subject of navy-reform, which +I prefer leaving to older and wiser heads. + +------------------------------------------------------------------------ + +Note 1. Combatant (from combat, a battle), fighting officers,--as if +the medical offices didn't fight likewise. It would be better to take +away the "combat," and leave the "ant"--ant-officers, as they do the +work of the ship. + +CHAPTER THIRTEEN. + +ODDS AND ENDS. + +There is one grievance which the medical officers, in common with their +combatant brethren, have to complain of--I refer to _compulsory +shaving_; neither is this by any means so insignificant a matter as it +may seem. It may appear a ridiculous statement, but it is nevertheless +a true one, that this regulation has caused many a young surgeon to +prefer the army to the navy. "Mere dandies," the reader may say, "whom +this grievance would affect;" but there is many a good man a dandy, and +no one could surely respect a man who was careless of his personal +appearance, or who would willingly, and without a sigh, disfigure his +face by depriving it of what nature considers both ornate and useful-- +ornate, as the ladies and the looking-glass can prove; and useful, as +the blistered chin and upper lip of the shaven sailor, in hot climates, +points out. From the earliest ages the moustache has been worn,--even +the Arabs, who shave the head, leave untouched the upper lip. What +would the pictures of some of the great masters be without it? Didn't +the Roman youths dedicate the first few downy hairs of the coming +moustache to the gods? Does not the moustache give a manly appearance +to the smallest and most effeminate? Does it not even beget a certain +amount of respect for the wearer? What sort of guys would the razor +make of Count Bismark, Dickens, the Sultan of Turkey, or Anthony +Trollope? Were the Emperor Napoleon deprived of his well-waxed +moustache, it might lose him the throne of France. Were Garibaldi to +call on his barber, he might thereafter call in vain for volunteers, and +English ladies would send him no more splints nor sticking-plaster. +Shave Tennyson, and you may put him in petticoats as soon as you please. + +As to the moustache movement in the navy, it is a subject of talk-- +admitting of no discussion--in every mess in the service, and thousands +are the advocates in favour of its adoption. Indeed, the arguments in +favour of it are so numerous, that it is a difficult matter to choose +the best, while the reasons against it are few, foolish, and despotic. +At the time when the Lords of the Admiralty gave orders that the navy +should keep its upper lip, and three fingers' breadth of its royal chin, +smooth and copper-kettlish, it was neither fashionable nor respectable +to wear the moustache in good society. Those were the days of +cabbage-leaf cheeks, powdered wigs, and long queues; but those times are +past and gone from every corner of England's possessions save the navy. +Barberism has been hunted from polite circles, but has taken refuge +under the trident of old Neptune; and, in these days of comparative +peace, more blood in the Royal Navy is drawn by the razor than by the +cutlass. + +In our little gunboat on the coast of Africa, we, both officers and men, +used, under the rose, to cultivate moustache and whiskers, until we fell +in with the ship of the commodore of the station. Then, when the +commander gave the order, "All hands to shave," never was such a +hurlyburly seen, such racing hither and thither (for not a moment was to +be lost), such sharpening of scissors and furbishing up of rusty razors. +On one occasion I remember sending our steward, who was lathering his +face with a blacking-brush, and trying to scrape with a carving-knife, +to borrow the commander's razor; in the mean time the commander had +despatched his soapy-faced servant to beg the loan of mine. Both +stewards met with a clash, nearly running each other through the body +with their shaving gear. I lent the commander a Syme's bistoury, with +which he managed to pluck most of the hairs out by the root, as if he +meant to transplant them again, while I myself shaved with an amputating +knife. The men forward stuck by the scissors; and when the commander, +with bloody chin and watery eyes, asked why they did not shave,--"Why, +sir," replied the bo'swain's mate, "the cockroaches have been and gone +and eaten all our razors, they has, sir." + +Then, had you seen us reappear on deck after the terrible operation, +with our white shaven lips and shivering chins, and a foolish grin on +every face, you would, but for our uniform, have taken us for tailors on +strike, so unlike were we to the brave-looking, manly dare-devils that +trod the deck only an hour before. + +And if army officers and men have been graciously permitted to wear the +moustache since the Crimean war, why are not we? But perhaps the navy +took no part in that gallant struggle. But if we _must_ continue to do +penance by shaving, why should it not be the crown of the head, or any +other place, rather than the upper lip, which every one can see? + +One item of duty there is, which occasionally devolves on the medical +officer, and for the most part goes greatly against the feelings of the +_young_ surgeon; I refer to his compulsory attendance at floggings. It +is only fair to state that the majority of captains and commanders use +the cat as seldom as possible, and that, too, only sparingly. In some +ships, however, flogging is nearly as frequent as prayers of a morning. +Again, it is more common on foreign stations than at home, and boys of +the first or second class, marines, and ordinary seamen, are for the +most part the victims. + +I do not believe I shall ever forget the first exhibition of this sort I +attended on board my own ship; not that the spectacle was in any way +more revolting than scores I have since witnessed, but because the sight +was new to me. + +I remember it wanted fully twenty minutes of seven in the morning, when +my servant aroused me. + +"Why so early to-day?" I inquired as I turned out. + +"A flaying match, you know, sir," said Jones. + +My heart gave an anxious "thud" against my ribs, as if I myself were to +form the "ram for the sacrifice." I hurried through with my bath, and, +dressing myself as if for a holiday, in cocked hat, sword, and undress +coat, I went on deck. We were at anchor in Simon's Bay. All the +minutiae of the scene I remember as though it were but yesterday, +morning was cool and clear, the hills clad in lilac and green, seabirds +floating high in air, and the waters of the bay reflecting the line of +the sky and the lofty mountain-sides, forming a picture almost dreamlike +in its quietness and serenity. The men were standing about in groups, +dressed in their whitest of pantaloons, bluest of smocks, and neatest of +black silk neckerchiefs. By-and-bye the culprit was led aft by a file +of marines, and I went below with him to make the preliminary +examination, in order to report whether or not he might be fit for the +punishment. + +He was as good a specimen of the British marine as one could wish to +look upon, hardy, bold, and wiry. His crime had been smuggling spirits +on board. + +"Needn't examine me, Doctor," said he; "I ain't afeard of their four +dozen; they can't hurt me, sir,--leastways my back you know--my breast +though; hum-m!" and he shook his head, rather sadly I thought, as he +bent down his eyes. + +"What," said I, "have you anything the matter with your chest?" + +"Nay, Doctor, nay; its my feelins they'll hurt. I've a little girl at +home that loves me, and--bless you, sir, I won't look her in the face +again no-how." + +I felt his pulse. No lack of strength there, no nervousness; the artery +had the firm beat of health, the tendons felt like rods of iron beneath +the finger, and his biceps stood out hard and round as the mainstay of +an old seventy-four. + +I pitied the brave fellow, and--very wrong of me it was, but I could not +help it--filled out and offered him a large glass of rum. + +"Ah! sir," he said, with a wistful eye on the ruby liquid, "don't tempt +me, sir. I can bear the bit o' flaying athout that: I wouldn't have my +messmates smell Dutch courage on my breath, sir; thankee all the same, +Doctor." And he walked on deck and surrendered himself. + +All hands had already assembled, the men and boys on one side, and the +officers, in cocked hats and swords, on the other. A grating had been +lashed against the bulwark, and another placed on deck beside it. The +culprit's shoulders and back were bared, and a strong belt fastened +around the lower part of the loins for protection; he was then firmly +tied by the hands to the upper, and by the feet to the lower grating; a +little basin of cold water was placed at his feet; and all was now +prepared. The sentence was read, and orders given to proceed with the +punishment. The cat is a terrible instrument of torture; I would not +use it on a bull unless in self-defence: the shaft is about a foot and a +half long, and covered with green or red baize according to taste; the +thongs are nine, about twenty-eight inches in length, of the thickness +of a goose-quill, and with two knots tied on each. Men describe the +first blow as like a shower of molten lead. + +Combing out the thongs with his five fingers before each blow, firmly +and determinedly was the first dozen delivered by the bo'swain's mate, +and as unflinchingly received. + +Then, "One dozen, sir, please," he reported, saluting the commander. + +"Continue the punishment," was the calm reply. + +A new man and a new cat. Another dozen reported; again, the same reply. +Three dozen. The flesh, like burning steel, had changed from red to +purple, and blue, and white; and between the third and fourth dozen, the +suffering wretch, pale enough now, and in all probability sick, begged a +comrade to give him a mouthful of water. There was a tear in the eye of +the hardy sailor who obeyed him, whispering as he did so-- + +"Keep up, Bill; it'll soon be over now." + +"Five, six," the corporal slowly counted--"seven, eight." It is the +last dozen, and how acute must be the torture! "Nine, ten." The blood +comes now fast enough, and--yes, gentle reader, I _will_ spare your +feelings. The man was cast loose at last and put on the sick-list; he +had borne his punishment without a groan and without moving a muscle. A +large pet monkey sat crunching nuts in the rigging, and grinning all the +time; I have no doubt _he_ enjoyed the spectacle immensely, _for he was +only an ape_. + +Tommie G--was a pretty, fair-skinned, blue-eyed boy, some sixteen +summers old. He was one of a class only too common in the service; +having become enamoured of the sea, he had run away from his home and +joined the service; and, poor little man! he found out, when too late, +that the stern realities of a sailor's life did not at all accord with +the golden notions he had formed of it. Being fond of stowing himself +away in corners with a book, instead of keeping his watch, Tommie very +often got into disgrace, spent much of his time at the mast-head, and +had many unpleasant palmar rencounters with the corporal's cane. One +day, his watch being over, he had retired to a corner with his little +"ditty-box." + +Nobody ever knew one-half of the beloved nicknacks and valued nothings +he kept in that wee box: it was in fact his private cabin, his sanctum +sanctorum, to which he could retreat when anything vexed him; a sort of +portable home, in which he could forget the toils of his weary watch, +the giddy mast-head, or even the corporal's cane. He had extracted, and +was dreamily gazing on, the portrait of a very young lady, when the +corporal came up and rudely seized it, and made a very rough and +inelegant remark concerning the fair virgin. + +"That is my sister," cried Tommie, with tears in his eyes. + +"Your sister!" sneered the corporal; "she is a--" and he added a word +that cannot be named. There was the spirit of young England, however, +in Tommie's breast; and the word had scarcely crossed the corporal's +lips, when those lips, and his nose too, were dyed in the blood the +boy's fist had drawn. For that blow poor Tommie was condemned to +receive four dozen lashes. And the execution of the sentence was +carried out with all the pomp and show usual on such occasions. Arrayed +in cooked-hats, epaulets, and swords, we all assembled to witness that +helpless child in his agony. One would have thought that even the rough +bo'swain's mate would have hesitated to disfigure skin so white and +tender, or that the frightened and imploring glance Tommie cast upward +on the first descending lash would have unnerved his arm. Did it? No, +reader; pity there doubtless was among us, but mercy--none. Oh! we were +a brave band. And the poor boy writhed in his agony; his screams and +cries were heartrending; and, God forgive us! we knew not till then he +was an orphan, till we heard him beseech his mother in heaven to look +down on her son, to pity and support him. Ah! well, perhaps she did, +for scarcely had the third dozen commenced when Tommie's cries were +hushed, his head drooped on his shoulder like a little dead bird's, and +for a while his sufferings were at an end. I gladly took the +opportunity to report further proceedings as dangerous, and he was +carried away to his hammock. + +I will not shock the nerves and feelings of the reader by any further +relation of the horrors of flogging, merely adding, that I consider +corporal punishment, as applied to men, _cowardly, cruel_, and debasing +to human nature; and as applied to boys, _brutal_, and sometimes even +_fiendish_. There is only one question I wish to ask of every +true-hearted English lady who may read these lines--Be you sister, wife, +or mother, could you in your heart have respected the commander who, +with folded arms and grim smile, replied to poor Tommie's frantic +appeals for mercy, "Continue the punishment"? + +The pay of medical officers is by no means high enough to entice young +doctors, who can do anything like well on shore, to enter the service. +Ten shillings a day, with an increase of half-a-crown after five years' +service on full pay, is not a great temptation certainly. To be sure +the expenses of living are small, two shillings a day being all that is +paid for messing; this of course not including the wine-bill, the size +of which will depend on the "drouthiness" of the officer who contracts +it. Government provides all mess-traps, except silver forks and spoons. +Then there is uniform to keep up, and shore-going clothes to be paid +for, and occasionally a shilling or two for boat-hire. However, with a +moderate wine-bill, the assistant-surgeon may save about four shillings +or more a day. + +Promotion to the rank of surgeon, unless to some fortunate individuals, +comes but slowly; it may, however, be reckoned on after from eight to +ten years. A few gentlemen out of each "batch" who "pass" into the +service, and who have distinguished themselves at the examination, are +promoted sooner. + +It seems to be the policy of the present Director-General to deal as +fairly as possible with every assistant-surgeon, after a certain +routine. On first joining he is sent for a short spell--too short, +indeed--to a hospital. He is then appointed to a sea-going ship for a +commission--say three years--on a foreign station. On coming home he is +granted a few months' leave on full pay, and is afterwards appointed to +a harbour-ship for about six months. By the end of this time he is +supposed to have fairly recruited from the fatigues of his commission +abroad; he is accordingly sent out again to some other foreign station +for three or four years. On again returning to his native land, he +might be justified in hoping for a pet appointment, say to a hospital, +the marines, a harbour-ship, or, failing these, to the Channel fleet. +On being promoted he is sent off abroad again, and so on; and thus he +spends his useful life, and serves his Queen and country, and earns his +pay, and generally spends that likewise. + +Pensions are granted to the widows of assistant-surgeons--from forty to +seventy pounds a year, according to circumstances; and if he leaves no +widow, a dependent mother, or even sister, may obtain the pension. But +I fear I must give, to assistant-surgeons about to many, Punch's advice, +and say most emphatically, "Don't;" unless, indeed, the dear creature +has money, and is able to purchase a practice for her darling doctor. + +With a little increase of pay ungrudgingly given, shorter commissions +abroad, and less of the "bite and buffet" about favours granted, the +navy would be a very good service for the medical officer. + +However, as it is, to a man who has neither wife nor riches, it is, I +dare say, as good a way of spending life as any other; and I do think +that there are but few old surgeons who, on looking back to the life +they have led in the navy, would not say of that service,--"With all thy +faults I love thee still." + +------------------------------------------------------------------------ + +The End. + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Medical Life in the Navy, by Gordon Stables + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MEDICAL LIFE IN THE NAVY *** + +***** This file should be named 37328.txt or 37328.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/7/3/2/37328/ + +Produced by Nick Hodson of London, England + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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