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diff --git a/37208.txt b/37208.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..89f7a94 --- /dev/null +++ b/37208.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11450 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Wayfarers, by Mary Stewart Cutting + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Wayfarers + +Author: Mary Stewart Cutting + +Illustrator: Alice Barber Stephens + +Release Date: August 26, 2011 [EBook #37208] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WAYFARERS *** + + + + +Produced by Roger Frank and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + +[Illustration: _Her cousin's arms were at last around her in welcome_] + + + + + THE WAYFARERS + + BY + + MARY STEWART CUTTING + + AUTHOR OF LITTLE STORIES OF COURTSHIP, + LITTLE STORIES OF MARRIED LIFE, ETC. + + ILLUSTRATIONS BY ALICE BARBER STEPHENS + + NEW YORK + THE McCLURE COMPANY + MCMVIII + + + + + _Copyright, 1908, by The McClure Company_ + Published, June, 1908 + Copyright, 1907, 1908, by The S. S. McClure Company + + + + + LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS + +Her Cousin's Arms were at Last Around Her in Welcome Frontispiece + +They Both Sat Dreamily Watching the Blue Pinnacle of Flame 24 + +Theodosia 34 + +Zaidee Watched Dosia with Benignant Satisfaction 82 + +He Played a Chord or Two More to Her Silence 146 + +It was a Look She Knew 184 + +Like a Pictured Marchioness of Old 190 + +Somebody Began to Come Down with Hurrying, Stumbling Feet 192 + +Mr. Sutton Leaned over Dosia with Eyes for Nobody Else 230 + +Flowers and Children, Children and Flowers 238 + +"Never Let Him Come Here Again--Never, Never!" 246 + +Even Redge Had Been Allowed to Hold Him 278 + +After This He Only Appeared in the Village Street Guarded on + Either Side by a Female Snow 280 + +He Came Toward Her with the Pitcher 312 + +Sat Desolately on the Top Step 334 + +He Held Out His Arm Unconsciously as Lois Stole into the Room 372 + + + + +THE WAYFARERS + + + + +CHAPTER ONE + + +There is no sight more uninspiring than a ferry-boat crowded with human +beings at a quarter of six o'clock in the evening, when the great +homeward rush from the offices and commercial houses sets in. At that +time, although there are some returning shoppers and women type-writers +and clerks, the larger number of the passengers are men, sitting in +slanting rows to catch the light on the evening paper, or wedged in an +upright mass at the forward end of the boat. It is noticeable that, with +a few exceptions, those who have gone forth in the morning distinct +individuals, well dressed, freshly shaven, with clean linen, an animated +manner, a brisk step, and an eager-eyed disposition toward the labors of +the day, seem, as they return at night, to be only component parts of a +shabby crowd in indistinguishable apparel, and worn to a uniform +dullness not only of appearance but of attitude and expression. The hard +day's work is over, but the rest is not yet attained. We all know that +between the darkness and the dawn comes the period when vitality is at +its lowest ebb, and in all transition periods there is a subtle +withdrawing of the old force before the new fills its place. In that +temporary collapse in the daily adjustment between two lives, the +business and the domestic, many a man with overwrought brain and tired +body feels that what he has been looking forward to as a happy rest +appears to him now momentarily as an unavoidable and wearying need for +further effort. The demand upon him varies in kind, but it is still +there. + +Men in a mass are neither beautiful nor impressive to look at in the +modern black or sad-colored raiment of every-day custom, and it is +difficult, as the eyes rest on the faces in these commonplace rows, to +realize the space which love inevitably fills in these lives, so far +apart from romance do they seem, forgetful as we are of the worn truth +that romance is a flowering weed which grows in any soil. For three +fourths of these men some woman waits. Those dull eyes can gleam, those +set lips can kiss; these be heroes, handsome men, arbiters of destiny! +There is positive grotesqueness in the idea, seen in this obliterating +haze of fatigue that so maliciously dwarfs and slurs. That man over +there with the long upper lip and closed lids has an episode in his +middle-aged existence to match any in the annals of fiction. That other +beside him, short, fat, with kind eyes and a stubby brown beard, is the +sum of all that is good and beautiful to the wife for whom his +homecoming continues to be the poignant event of the day. This man with +the long, thin face is a modern martyr working himself to death for his +family; this one was in the newspapers last week in a connection best +not remembered. This one--you would pick him out at once from among the +rest--is to be married to-morrow. This man, and this, and this, while +presently unconscious of the great law, are still living under it. Not +only to youth is the promise given; it becomes a larger and more vital +thing as the opportunities of life increase, further spreading in its +fostering of good or evil--a thread so deeply interwoven on the under +side of the fabric that we forget to look for it. + +In every case is a character to be made or marred, not only by the large +molding, but by the infinitesimal touches of that love whose influence +we conventionally limit to young and unmarried persons--while knowing, +whether we acknowledge it or not, that it is the one eternally powerful +element in life. + +Even in a far-off reflex action, this is shown on the ferry-boat in the +fact that when one of this blended concourse of men meets a woman he +instantly regains an individuality; he pulls himself together, his eyes +become bright, his manner concentrated, his clothes set well on him. He +is no longer one of the crowd, but himself. + +Tireless youth may achieve the same individual effect, or unusual +personal beauty, or great happiness, or the possession of a dominant +idea. A number of people, as they came forward on the boat, turned to +look back at two men sitting by the narrow passageway, who in the midst +of the general indifference were talking in a low tone, with obviously +intense earnestness. Those who looked once usually turned a second time +to gaze on the face of one. + +Many a man who has an upright nature and a good disposition fails to +show these facts patently to the casual observer. To Justin Alexander +had been given the grace of a singularly attractive countenance. He was +of a fair complexion, with light hair, a good nose slightly aquiline, +and a well-shaped mouth and chin; but his charm was irrespective of +feature. No one could look at him and not know him to be a man of sweet +and fine honor. The gaze of his keen blue eyes--clear, though not very +large--carried conviction to whomsoever it rested on that a clean and +honest soul dwelt therein. Although he did not in the least realize it, +this had been one of the greatest factors in any success that he had +ever had, joined as it was to good judgment and great physical energy. +Everyone liked him, not for what he said or did, but for what he was, +and for the encouragement of his bright glance, which had a convincing +and magnetic quality in it. He talked intelligently and well, although +not a great deal, and among the many people who were drawn toward him a +corresponding liking on his part was easily inferred. Yet he was, in +fact, innately although dumbly critical; a reticent man as to his own +thoughts and opinions, he took an inward measurement of persons and +circumstances often the very reverse of what was supposed. This attitude +of his was in no sense of the word hypocritical, it came instead from a +constitutional dislike of voicing his innermost feelings. It somehow +hurt him to acknowledge defects in others, and he had also an impersonal +sense of justice which allowed for good qualities in those who were +uncongenial to him; he did not really like the man who sat beside him, +and with whom he had the prospect of being intimately associated, but +even his wife had hardly divined this; certainly Joseph Leverich +himself, large, jovial, and shrewd-eyed, would have been the last to +suspect it. + +"The gist of the matter is this, Alexander," he was saying, as he hit +one hand heavily with the large forefinger of the other, "we want a man +capable not only of overseeing the works,--Harker understands that +pretty well,--but of managing the real business of the factory and +representing it with business men; neither Foster nor I can attend to +it--Great Scott, I wish we could! We haven't the time. We bought the +whole outfit a couple of years ago; it's only one of twenty other irons +we have in the fire." + +"I know that your interests are large," said Alexander, as Leverich +paused. + +"The great drawback to having large interests is that you have to +delegate so much of the management to others. When we took up this, it +ran itself, after a fashion; but since that a dozen other people are +making the same thing--of course, with slight variations, but +practically the same thing. Patents don't really protect you much. Now +we want our machine pushed; but neither Foster nor I, for different +reasons, can do this. The fact is, we don't want to appear at all. And +we've had our eye on you for some time." + +"This is news to me," said Alexander. + +"Now the control of the factory has to be settled suddenly, out of hand; +somebody has got to take hold. So we make you the offer. We will deposit +fifty thousand to your credit, to be used as working capital--you can't +branch out with less; you've got to be able to work to advantage. The +days have gone when a business could be set going on a couple of +thousand and worked up with industry and frugality, as the copy-books +say, into the millions. Small concerns nowadays go to the wall--and +serve 'em right, I say; only fools believe in success without money. +We'll see to your backing! Of course, the interest will be paid out of +the business, you don't undertake it individually. At the end of two +years more we ought to have a big thing." + +"And if we don't?" said Alexander. + +The other's dim gooseberry eyes suddenly flashed. "If you think we will +not, you are not the man we want--he's got to have the courage of his +convictions to be worth his salt. But you can't put me off this way--I +know you. Take up the project or leave it--I say this, but in reality +you can't leave it, and you know it. A man doesn't get a chance like +this twice. Hamilton came to us the other day for the position, and we +refused him, although he had capital and we wouldn't have had to advance +a cent of the money we're willing to put up for you." + +"But why are you willing to?" Justin looked with his bright eyes at the +other. + +"Because you are the man we want!" Leverich leaned forward eagerly, and +shifted his large frame so as to put each muscle into an easier +position. "Don't let's go over that old ground again. You've had just +the experience in the old company that we need; but it's your wide +acquaintance that tells, and it's that that we're willing to buy. We +believe you can make a market for our goods." + +"It is an important step," said the other thoughtfully, "to leave a +certainty for an uncertainty--not that I should regard it as an +uncertainty if I took it," he added, with a smile. + +"I know it's hard to break away and start out for yourself when you have +a family; lots of men go all their lives in a rut because they haven't +the courage to take the plunge. But you don't want to work for somebody +else all your life; you don't want to feel that you're wasting all your +best years. By and by it will be too late. And a growing family takes +more money each year, instead of less--you've got to think of that, too. +It's a terrible thing to be always cramped, and know there's no way out +of it in this world." + +"You don't need to tell me all this, Leverich," said Justin coolly. + +"No, I know I don't; but I want you to realize that you have your chance +now--one in a million. I'm sorry to hurry you, but you see the way we're +fixed. Say the word now! Get it off your mind and you'll sleep easier. I +know what your word is--as good as your bond. _I'd_ take it! You can +give any formal decision later." + +Justin still smiled, but he shook his head; though capable of quick +decision when necessary, it was yet impossible to hurry him; his actions +in every case depended on his own thought, and gained no volition from +outside influences, which might indeed retard but could never compel. +Virtually he had concluded to accept Leverich's offer, but he would take +his own time about saying so; he felt the haste of the other man to be +somewhat of an offense against decency. + +"Well!" Leverich shrugged his heavy shoulders at the bright +impenetrableness that was like a shining armor. "We said we'd give you +until Wednesday, so of course we will. We will bring the books around +to-night anyway, and go over them, as we planned; you can't afford to +lose any time. And talk to your wife about it, she's a sensible +woman--and one who longs, like all the rest of 'em, for more than she's +got," he added to himself, with cynical satisfaction. + +"Martin is watching us now," he continued, waving his hand over toward +the other side of the boat, where a slight, insignificant-looking man +with small features and a large, bulging forehead lifted his hand in an +answering gesture. "You'd never think, to look at him, that he was what +he is; he has more brains in his little finger than I have in my whole +head." Leverich spoke with evident sincerity. "I'm just a plain man of +business, but Foster's a genius. He fixed on you from the start. Hello, +we're 'most in already." + +The crowd from the rear cabin had begun to push through the passageway +and surge to the front of the boat, which was still some distance from +the dock. The man next them folded up his paper, and Justin and Leverich +rose mechanically and stood amid the throng, which became more and more +compact every moment. + +Suddenly both men started as they looked back at the fresh accessions to +the crowd, and pushed sideways, falling behind a little to get in line +with a tall and slender young woman with pink roses in a black hat, and +a dotted veil that emphasized her rich coloring. She raised her head as +a voice beside her said: + +"Good evening, Mrs. Alexander!" + +"Oh, is that you, Mr. Leverich? How do you do? I haven't met a soul I +knew on the boat until this moment, and now I see six people. Oh, +Justin!" She had faced around as a hand was laid on her arm, and stood +looking up at him with happily surprised eyes, while he smiled back at +her with a slight flush on his own cheek. "I was looking for you all the +time," she said. + +The sudden and unexpected meeting of husband and wife has a singular +element in it--it is somewhat like unconsciously approaching a mirror in +which one views a stranger who turns out to be one's self. That swift +and impersonal view gives an impression as a whole that can be reached +in no other way. Lois Alexander noticed at once that her husband's +clothes needed brushing, and that the velvet collar of his overcoat was +worn at the edges--she had hardly seen the coat this year except as he +was putting it on or taking it off. It gave her a slight shock to see +that the tired lines around his eyes made his face look older than she +was accustomed to think of it. He, for his part, experienced the same +slight shock in looking at her; he saw the little imperfections in her +face, and the roses in her hat appeared to him perhaps too pink and +girlish. Yet through all this there was an indescribable thrill of happy +possession and loving admiration of each other, touchingly sweet, and +all the tenderer for the hint of passing years. Among all the men +around, Justin was the king; among all women, she was the most +desirable. + +After the expected sensations of the usual home greeting and the +accustomed kiss, it gave a spice to intimacy to meet perforce as +strangers. She leaned partly against him as she talked to Mr. Leverich, +and he pressed her arm with his strong fingers under cover of her cloak +and made the color come and go in her cheek; her eyes mutely implored +him to stop, and he enjoyed her confusion. Husband and wife looked well +together, in a certain vitality of movement and expression common to +both which made others instinctively turn to observe them. + +"I have been trying to discover my husband all the way across," she +complained to Leverich. "I was sure that he was on this boat. Why didn't +you look out for me, Justin?" + +"You didn't say you were going in town to-day," he expostulated. + +"How often have I told you to look out for me? I am likely to go in at +any time. I had to get some things for the children. Have you--have you +seen anyone to-day?" She spoke disconnectedly, as conscious as a girl of +the disconcerting pressure on her arm. + +"No--oh, yes; I saw Eugene Larue this morning, he's back from the other +side." + +"Did he say when he would be out?" + +"No." + +"Did you ask him?" + +"No. The fact is, Lois, I only saw him for a moment and I never thought +about it." + +"Oh, it doesn't make any difference. I wanted to speak to you about +Theodosia; I've had a letter, and she's coming. We are going to have a +young lady as a visitor this winter," she added formally in explanation +to Mr. Leverich, who still stood at her elbow. "She's coming up North to +study music; she's very pretty, I believe, and clever." + +"A relation?" hazarded Mr. Leverich. + +"Yes; she's a young cousin of mine--I haven't seen her since she was a +child. It will be so pleasant to have a girl in the house." + +"You like company," he returned approvingly, "my wife does, too; we +always have a houseful. She says I show off better when we have +visitors--can't let my angry passions rise. By the way, Alexander, what +time shall I bring the books over to-night?" + +Lois Alexander's startled, questioning glance sought her husband's, and +his gave a gravely confidential assent before he answered: + +"Any time you say." + +"Will eight o'clock be too early?" + +"No, that will suit me very well." + +"Well, good-by!" He took off his hat in farewell to Lois, and +disappeared in the crowd, as his broad shoulders forced a sinuous +passage through the throng. + +"How are the children?" Justin asked his wife. + +"They're all right." She paused, and then said: "If you are to look over +those books, I suppose we can't go to the Calenders' to-night." + +"No." The dark line of the pier struck athwart the dusky light and +divided the windows in two. "At least, I cannot, but there's no reason +why you shouldn't go." + +"You know that I will not go without you." + +"Other women do." + +"Well, _I_ will not." + +"What a foolish girl!" His tone was fond. "Then--_take_ care!" The boat +had bumped into the dock; in the struggling press of the stampeding +crowd, Lois clung to her husband's arm and he strove to ward off the +crush from her. When they were at last over the gang-plank, joining in +the hurrying, straggling procession toward the train, he looked at her +with tender solicitude. + +"You shouldn't come out on the boat so late as this. Was it too much for +you?" + +"Oh, no, no! I do this alone lots of times." She felt so vividly happy +that her breathlessness was hardly an annoyance as they dodged in front +of the incoming drays of another boat and waved aside the impeding +newsboys crying the evening papers. + +She foresaw that they would be separated in the train, and found voice +enough to whisper to him: + +"Are you to decide to-night?" + +"I have virtually decided now." + +"To accept?" + +"Yes." + +Her breath came suddenly; with the monosyllable an electric wave had set +the pulses of both tingling. The spoken word had not failed of its +wonted power; it had at this moment opened a gate hitherto closed. Both +husband and wife felt their feet at last set on the great highroad of +modern romance, the road to wealth, along which ride daily, as of old, +knights in armor, duly caparisoned, with shield and spear, bent, not on +deeds of chivalry, but on one glittering quest--a grim pathway, veiled +by a golden haze. + + + + +CHAPTER TWO + + +It was a mighty hour. Justin, sitting by the open window with his head +upon his hand, looking out into the night, saw but dimly the pale +shining of the familiar stars, in the search for the rising star of his +own future. It was far on in the small hours, and he had not yet slept, +although he had come up-stairs at twelve o'clock with the firm intention +of undressing and going to bed at once. He had, instead, dropped down +into the wicker chair in the unlighted sitting-room to think for a few +moments--and a few moments--and a few moments more. + +The dining-table which he had left was filled with sheets of paper +covered with fine figures, and his mind at first continually reverted to +them, multiplying, subtracting, and correcting with keen facility, and +with infinitesimal changes in the final result, which he knew, +notwithstanding, could be only approximate, no matter how painstakingly +his fancy strove to render it exact. + +After a while, however, other thoughts asserted themselves. The vast +influences of the night were around him as from the deep places of the +universe--the depth of dusky gloom, the depth of silence. The window +looked out over a garden, but in this dusky gloom it had lost the +semblance of earth and seemed, instead, but the under part of an +enveloping cloud in which he was the only breathing human life. The +vague dark branches of the trees waving across the lesser darkness spoke +of even deeper mystery in their mute witness to that breath from the +unseen which moved them. + +It was not the problem of the universe of which all this spoke to Justin +Alexander, though as such it had been part and parcel of his questioning +youth. The days when he might have sung with Omar were gone with those +speculative midnight hours, the foregathering with death, the conscious +search for higher meanings, the effort to solve the unknowable; whatever +philosophy was evolved from those journeys into the dark was labeled and +put away on a remote shelf, where the mind occasionally reverted to it +with a sigh of thoughtful possession, but for which there was no longer +any daily use. There was even a chance that on bringing the precious +package out into the modern daylight it might be found to have changed +its color entirely. + +The problem of his own life was what this hour held in its shifting hold +for Justin, the wavering veiled outlines on which he gazed seemed to +prefigure the uncertain boundaries of his own future. To a man who has a +family, the leaving of a certain occupation for an uncertain one, even +though it promise much, is like taking a leap off into space. + +The opportunity for which he had been longing indefinitely any time for +six years back had come at last, but it had brought with it at this +moment a strange and unanticipated sadness, after the absorbing +calculations of the evening; the natural buoyancy of a mind pleased with +a new undertaking and eager for power had given place to a weight of +responsibility and foreboding. How much, and how much, and yet how much, +depended on his efforts! He must not, could not, fail; and yet, when he +had succeeded, what would success bring him individually that he had not +now? Where would be his real and vital compensation? The toil of years +piled up before him, with the pain of satisfied ambition at the end of +it. + +In the loneliness of the hour the loneliness of his soul stood confessed +before him. He yearned at the moment unutterably, and with a mighty +longing, for another to be as one with that soul in the comprehension of +mood and aim and means and accomplishment which is in itself the deepest +sympathy. His wife--she was very sweet, she was very beloved, but her +utmost understanding of this life of his was the conscious effort of one +who lived in an alien sphere. His children--he loved them fondly, but +the responsibility of their future years weighed upon him; as long as he +could foresee, the eyes of all would still wait upon him in his role of +provider--neither in body nor in spirit could he ever again have the +rest of freedom. + +Then there came to him, swiftly and inexplicably, and in spite of the +inner knowledge of true love for the bonds that held him, a wild desire +for the untrammeled liberty of his boyish days. If he could take his +fishing-rod and tramp off through the woods by himself, or lie on a bank +under the green trees and dabble his bare feet in the brown pools of the +brook that flowed beneath the bank, with none to look for him or +question why, and have neither yesterday nor to-morrow to hamper him, +but only the joy of living! To saunter back to the house late in the +warm afternoon with a string of fish over his shoulder and a book under +his arm! He knew how the cold draught of buttermilk tasted after the +long and dusty walk, when he dipped it up with a china cup out of the +stone crock on the wooden bench in the cool cellar. Oh, the happy, +careless day! + +The primeval, savage spirit of man awoke now and grew uppermost in him +to escape from civilization and wander as he would upon the brown earth, +without let or hindrance! In those far-off wilds where men tracked +beasts to their lair he might leave his footsteps in the hot sands also, +and joy in the fierce delight of killing. He had lost all connection now +with his environment. The air that blew down from the hills and touched +his cheek might have come over the burning desert, or have been +freighted with the warm salt spray from wide tropical seas on which he +sailed, never to return. Dark and darker thoughts possessed him now. His +roaming fancy---- + +"Are you up still?" + +Justin started--it was the voice of his wife. He came back to the +familiar region of warm human love with a glad bound of relief so +instantaneous that he had not even shame for his abnormal wanderings; +they became already as though they had never been as he answered: + +"Yes; I couldn't have slept if I had gone to bed." + +"But you're all cold sitting by that window, with the night air blowing +in on you!" + +Her hands had found out that fact in the darkness as they closed around +his neck. + +"Shut the window at once! You're so imprudent. You must remember that it +isn't summer now." + +She lent herself to his embrace for a moment. + +"Do you know how late it is?" + +"No, and I don't want to. Let's sit here together for a little while, +I'm unspeakably wide awake! I'll make up a little fire for a few minutes +and we'll have a midnight talk." + +She laughed with evident pleasure. "Well!" + +He took a match out of his pocket and, kneeling down on the hearth, +lighted the small pine logs which were piled up there. A sudden flame +brought into bold relief his sinewy frame and clear-cut features as he +leaned forward--the light, waving hair pushed upward, and the strong set +mouth and chin. His wife drew a low chair forward by him and put out her +bare feet in their pink Turkish slippers to catch the warmth. When he +turned, the flame had caught her also in its flaring light, and rose and +wavered and fell around her. + +It used to be the fashion in the old story-books to represent the +parents of even the youngest infant as people of mature age and didactic +wisdom; to be a mother was to be removed forever from the precincts of +social vanities or young and active living. One can find in the books of +fifty years ago the picture of a woman, austerely middle-aged, with +banded hair, a cap, a long nose, and a kerchief, dispensing advice to +abnormally small children in trousers and pinafores who cluster at her +knees. Lois Alexander would have been a revelation to that epoch; with +her white lace-frilled draperies wrapped around her and her +pink-slippered feet, she might have served as a distinctly modern +illustration of youthful motherhood. + +She was not very tall, but gave the effect of height in her bearing. Her +form was beautifully rounded and her throat and neck were of a soft +whiteness peculiarly their own. Everything about her was richly +colored--her lips, her cheeks, her blue eyes, which had a certain rayed +starriness in them, and her brown hair, which, when it lay, as now, +unfastened, fell in large loose curls upon her bosom. Her usual +expression was somewhat pensive and absorbed, as if she were thinking of +herself; but when she smiled she seemed to think only of you. + +She put a soft detaining hand on his shoulder as he bent forward +watching the blaze in a new absorption. + +"I know you're thinking of the new venture." + +"Yes; it's a good deal to think of." + +"I should say so!" She caught her breath admiringly. "I listened to you +and those men talking to-night until I couldn't stand it a moment +longer. I should think those figures would drive you crazy!" + +"They won't drive me crazy if I can make them come out as I wish," said +Justin emphatically. + +"But I thought it was all settled that you _could_!" + +"Oh, yes--on paper. Everything looks all right there--and it shall be, +too! But when you get to working things out in real life you must allow +for differences. I know the machine is good--I don't take any chances on +that, as I told you before; but there are new machines put on the market +all the time to compete with; we haven't a monopoly." + +"Well, you can make your prices lower than the others," she suggested +brightly. + +"Oh, yes, of course," he explained with patience, "but if we put prices +too low there's no profit. We may have to do it for a while, though; +we've got to be seen doing business, even if it's at a loss. That's what +the fifty thousand's for--to tide us over just such a time." + +"It is a great deal to have to pay back," she said anxiously, leaning +forward to throw a small log on the fire. "I don't like you to saddle +yourself with such a debt. I don't like it!" + +What weighed on him most--the personal care and responsibility--made no +impression on her; she had a loyal and wifely faith in his large +ability; but the thought of the money, which filled him only with the +exhilaration of sufficient capital, made her uneasy. She had all a +woman's horror of debt. What is to a man a very usual and legitimate +business resource seemed to her almost a disgrace. + +"I wish you could get along without the money." + +"I'm glad enough to have it," he replied. "Rest assured, Lois, if they +didn't think me worth it they wouldn't lend it to me--they expect big +interest on their investment." + +"And is our living to come out of it, too?" + +"Oh, yes--until there's an income." + +"How much will you take?" + +"Oh, no fixed sum--just as little as we can get along with at present. +We'll go slowly, Lois, and economize all we can, until we get on our +feet." + +"Indeed, I'll economize!" She clasped her hands earnestly. "There are +only a few things to be bought first; things, you know, that we can't do +without. After that we'll need next to nothing. This rug, for +instance--it's in rags, I'm ashamed to bring anyone up here--but that +won't cost much, and we've _got_ to get one for the front hall; it isn't +decent. And I'll have to buy the children's winter clothing before it +gets too cold. Zaidee needs a new coat. She has such long legs, her last +year's coat looks like a ruffle." + +"Oh, of course, get what is needed," said the father resignedly. "Some +money will have to be spent, necessarily, but make it as little as you +can." + +She felt the cessation of interest in his tone, and tried to get back +her lost ground. + +"Ah, don't let's leave the fire yet," she pleaded, as he made a motion +to rise. "I want to sit here a few minutes more, and it's going to blaze +up so beautifully! It's so seldom that we ever really get a chance to +talk together. It seems wonderful that everything is to change in this +way. I've hated so to think of you tied to that old treadmill--a man +with your capabilities! I knew that if it had not been for the children +and for me you would have left the place long ago." + +"If it were not for the children and for you I might not be leaving it +now," he answered gently. + +"Yes, I know. It's been dreadfully hard to make both ends meet lately, +I've seen how worried you were. Dear, I don't want to be a drag; I want +to be an inspiration. Promise to let me help you all I can." + +"You always help me." + +"Ah, no, I don't; _I_ feel it, though you may not." She paused, and went +on again with a tremulous note in her voice: "Justin, I miss you so much +sometimes; there are days and days when I feel as if I hadn't seen you +at all!" + +"You see all there is of me," said Justin tersely. "How many times a +year do I go out of an evening without you?" + +"Yes, I know that; but when I am alone all day with the children and the +servants, I think of so many things that I want to say to you when you +come home, and then you are tired, or sleepy, or want to read, and I +don't get any chance at all. You _never_ ask me anything, or notice when +I don't feel well; yesterday I had such a headache I could hardly sit +up, and you never noticed. Do you think, Justin, that you could feel ill +and I not know it?" + +"No, I suppose not," said Justin. "But I'm afraid you'll have another +headache to-morrow if you sit up any longer, Lois." + +"No, I will not!" She tossed her head gayly, and also tossed away a +bright tear that was ready to fall. Her husband hated to see her cry, it +filled him with a cold and unreasoning wrath at which she blindly +wondered but was forced to accept as a fact. She knew that she had +broken up many happy hours by weeping inopportunely. + +She tried to speak evenly as she said: "I didn't mean that to sound as +if I were complaining. I think and think how I can make +things--different." + +She pushed her white, blue-veined feet, in their pink slippers, nearer +to the blaze, and he put his hand over them protectingly. Although she +had been married for nearly eight years, she had not lost a certain +girlish trick of modesty, and blushed sweetly at his action and his +gaze. + +It was a remarkable thing that while marriage after any term of years +seemed as though it could be only an antique and commonplace thing, it +still held for them the essence of novelty; they were only beginning to +act in the great drama, and not at all sure of their parts in it yet. To +live one's own life is a matter of such poignant and absorbing interest +that it insensibly creates an individual atmosphere which obscures the +large known phenomena of nature. + +Lois remembered once looking upon a man who had lost his wife after ten +years of wedded happiness, and rather wondering at the pity bestowed +upon him. Ten years! Why, it seemed like half a century--life must be +nearly over, anyway. She was beginning to realize now, with a sort of +wonder, that, as the years lengthened, one's inner limit of youth +lengthened also; even after a decade they might still think of +themselves as young married people with a future all to come. + +The tender proprietorship of Justin's caress was more comforting to Lois +than words. They both sat dreamily watching the blue pinnacle of flame +as they rose from the red heart of the fire, her arm across his +shoulders as he leaned backward, together, yet each with a mind +preoccupied with divergent claims. + +The fitful light revealed a tiny apartment, half sitting-room, half +nursery, crowded with many things, the overflow of a small household. It +was not in the least as Lois would have liked it to be, but she always +felt that it was only a temporary arrangement. There was hardly space to +walk between the wicker chairs, the sewing-table, and the covered box by +the window that served both as a seat and as a receptacle for toys--a +doll's cradle and a horse on wheels taking up two of the corners by the +window. Across the back of one chair hung a pair of diminutive +stockings, and a basket filled with work stood on the table. The utter +domesticity of the room was hardly relieved by an unframed engraving of +the Madonna della Sedia over the wooden mantelpiece, with a +heterogeneous collection of china ornaments, nursery properties, and a +silent white clock below it. The other pictures were photographs, more +or less the worse for wear, and two colored lithographs pinned to the +wall; one of a horse carrying a boy on his back, and the other of a +bright blue-and-yellow child feeding ducks. Lying on table and floor +were picture-books and a fashion magazine. There was nothing to speak of +the spirit but the beautiful flame, a mysterious power which the hand of +man had wrested ignorantly from the elements, to burn and leap and soar +upon his hearthstone. + +[Illustration: _They both sat dreamily watching the blue pinnacle of +flame_] + +Lois had married her husband because of the bright honor and force of +character which attracted others, and because of his conquering love for +her. She would have felt it impossible for any girl in her senses not to +have loved Justin if he wanted her to, although he was the most +unconscious of men as to his powers in that way. She had exulted in the +thought that when other women were satisfied with mere half-men, her +lover was a Saul among his brethren; and she was not deceived in her +estimate of him--the honor, the sweetness, the force, the nobility of +disposition which made it a pain for him to make note of the defects of +those he liked, the love of her--all were there; but she was beginning +gradually to find out, after all these years, that inside that shining +outer circle of character was a whole world of thought and feeling and +preference and habit of which she knew nothing--only as time went on did +she begin to perceive the extent of it. + +Those disappointing moments when they were not in accord--whole days +sometimes dropped out of the week--left a void which no caresses filled. +It hurts a woman to be forgotten both before and after she is kissed. +Lois had discovered with resentful surprise that her husband was one of +those men to whom women, in spite of the companionship of wedlock, are a +thing apart, to be mentally left and returned to. Those disappointing +moments and days were not the intimation of a transitory feeling, but +evidences of a permanent quality that grew instead of lessening. She +could hardly believe this, although she felt it, and was continually +seeking for disclaimers of what she knew. Barred indefinitely from some +larger interest, her efforts to reach her husband on the known lines +became more and more trivial, more and more futile. The first years had +held a certain floridity of living, of affection, in which one was +always striving in some way to keep up the first feelings; everything +was more or less upsetting,--marriage, babies, sickness, +housekeeping,--years when domestic situations changed their shape daily, +an evening together depending on whether the baby slept or waked; an +entertainment abroad depending not only on that, but on the event of the +servants being in or out, or on the event of having any at all. There +were summer afternoons when Lois had wept because her husband had gone +to the tennis courts, without her, and days when she had gone with him, +after elaborately arranging babies and household matters to that end; +when she had kept him waiting while she dressed, and they had started +off heated and asunder in the broiling sun to something which she did +not enjoy after all, and had kept him from enjoying. It was strange to +find that the profession of a wife and mother seemed to imply a +contradiction to everything that she had ever been before. + +The meeting on the boat had brought a dear delight with it, a +revivifying warmth which here, in this intimate stillness of the night, +was lacking. + +When she spoke again it was to say: "When do you take the new place?" + +"Next month." + +"I am so glad you will be your own master at last! Will you go in on a +later train in the mornings, dear?" + +"I'll take an earlier one." + +"But then you'll come out sooner in the afternoon?" + +"I'll come out much later." + +"Oh, oh!" she sighed, with the prevision of long hours of loneliness for +herself. + +"At least, you can take more than that miserable two weeks' holiday in +the summer." + +"My dear girl, I shall probably have no vacation at all. You don't +understand; I've got to work." + +There was another pause. The fire was burning low, and the room had sunk +into partial obscurity. She was the first to speak, as before, +conquering anew the tremulousness in her voice: + +"Did you hear me say that Theodosia is coming next month?" + +"Yes. How long is she to stay?" + +"For all winter. She's to study music, you remember?" + +"For all winter!" He sat up straight with the emphasis of his words. +"Why, where will you put her?" + +"Oh, I'll manage that. But I do wish we had a larger house; this is +maddening sometimes." + +"Perhaps we'll be able to build some day." + +"Oh, if we could really have our own house!" + +She paused, her imagination leaping forward to that future which is the +summit of good to suburban dwellers, when the contracted space of a +rented house can be changed for a roomy one honeycombed with impossible +closets and lined with hard-wood floors throughout. + +"I know exactly how I should furnish it; I saw the loveliest things +to-day in town." + +Already the thought of brass and mahogany and Oriental rugs, rich in +texture and delicious in coloring, filled her mind. + +To Lois, an intelligent and practical woman, the possession of money +meant the opportunity to buy; the possession of yet more money would +mean more opportunity to buy. To Justin, on the other hand, it meant the +ability to pay; the comfort of being able to accede, with ease and +promptness, to the demands upon him. Like most American husbands in his +station, the sum spent upon house and family far exceeded in ratio his +own personal expenses. There were a few luxuries which he casually +looked forward to enjoying, but beyond this money represented to him +pre-eminently further business possibilities, the power to play +competently in the great game, with the result of a sufficient provision +for his wife and children in case of his death. His heart leaped now at +the thought of taking a front rank among the players. If in this next +year---- + +"Do you think I had better buy the new rug when I go to town Friday, or +wait until next month?" asked Lois suddenly. + +"You had better wait," said Justin, with decision. He rose, and added: +"You must go to bed, Lois." + +She rose also, in obedience, and he kissed her officially. + +"Good night." + +"You are not going to sit up later!" + +"Just a minute. I want to light the candle and look for something in +this paper I forgot to notice earlier." + +He loved his wife, but felt, without owning it, that he must stay for a +brief space beyond the sound of her voice. + +"Now, don't wait another moment, or you'll get cold." He spoke +authoritatively. "The fire's almost out." + +He had already turned from her, and was sitting down by the dim flicker +of the newly lighted candle, absorbed once more in figures, with the +newspaper before him. The midnight hour had failed of its inspiration; +both experienced the spiritual dearth and fatigue which follows +time-worn and trivial conversation. + +Lois' pensive eyes were full of a wistful question as she left the room; +but after a slight interval she returned with a gliding step and softly +placed a fresh log upon the dull red embers of the dying fire, and +fanned them noiselessly until a flame leaped out again, holding her +white draperies to one side the while, with one long curl falling across +her bosom. As her husband looked up, her beautiful self-forgetting smile +shone out and became a part of the light around him before she vanished +once more through the doorway. + + + + +CHAPTER THREE + + +Theodosia Linden sat in the high-backed, plush-covered seat of the +sleeping-car, with her hands folded in her lap, looking out of the +window at the flat landscape as it sped past her. The long green rows of +cotton-plants were interspersed with tracts of scrub-oak and pine, +dotted here and there with gray cabins, around which negroes, little and +big, in scanty garments were grouped to watch the train go by; +occasionally it whizzed past a small station, a mere shed set on a +wooden platform reached by a flight of steps, and graced by no name for +the aid of the traveler, except the cabalistic legend, "Southern Express +Company," on a swinging board at one end. It was before these ultimate +days when factories are springing up all over the new South, and she had +not yet reached the scattered few that upraised their staring yellow +frames by the side of the muddy streams; only the cotton-fields and the +scrub-oaks ran along by the train, with the view of the blue mountains +here and there, and a blue sky above all. Dosia thought that she had +never seen anything so beautiful or inspiring; it was the world outside +of her home. + +There is no discontent so deep, so wearying, so soul-embracing, as that +of the girl who is supposed to be contented with the little rounds of +household life. Dosia's mother had died when she was a small child, but +so much love and care had been given her by relatives and by her father, +a professor in a small college and a gentle and good man, that she had +never felt the loss. When she was twelve years old her father married +again, and, on account of his failing health, they moved from their home +in the West to the far South, where Mr. Linden hoped, with the small +income which he already possessed, to engage in some industry suitable +to his limited powers; but in the enervating climate he gradually lost +all ambition and business habits. He became yellow in complexion and +slouching as to appearance and walk; but he was even more gentle than +before, and gave the benefit of much good advice to the loungers around +the village store or the new people from the North who came to learn the +methods pertaining to cotton-raising, for he always knew how everything +should be done. + +He was a kind, affectionate husband and father, always placid and +amiable, and only regretting, as he continually affirmed, that he could +not provide for the family as he should. The children, of whom there +were four by this second marriage, adored their father, as did his wife, +who was a pretty woman, and as gentle, as incompetent, and almost as +self-regretful as himself. The little stepmother had from the first +attached herself to Dosia, whom she treated even at that early stage of +life less as a child than as a friend, to be depended on in all +emergencies. + +Dosia could not have told at just exactly what period in her existence +the unthinking content of childhood had left her. It was natural to live +in the small, poorly built house, surrounded by an unkempt yard with +broken fences, with small children to dress and care for and a baby to +be tended, and a dinner-table that was set at sixes and sevens, with a +continual desultory striving after a refinement of dress and living that +was never accomplished. It was a matter of course to be always "clearing +up," yet never in order, and to be always economizing temporarily in +view of the stated remittance which never could be used for paying +anything but back debts when it did come. Dosia was a sweet-natured +child, affectionate and helpful, with a healthy constitution which made +work unnoticeable, and she had taken life happily in the old-fashioned +way according to the views of her elders, without criticism or comment. +Her education, although desultory, had been fairly good, depending +partly on teachers who came from the North and stayed in Balderville for +their health, and partly on her father, who was a man of taste as well +as culture, and who read with her in the evenings when he felt like it; +for that, as everything else, was a matter of inclination with him and +not of duty. She was fond of reading, and had also somewhat of a talent +for music, which made it possible for her to achieve pleasing results +with very little real tuition or practice. Fortunately, she had been +well taught at the beginning. + +Society at Balderville was of the fluctuant, intermittent order that +obtains at minor resorts; the crop of visitors was bad or good, +according to the year, like the peaches or cotton. With some of these +visitors Dosia formed eager, transitory friendships, but with others +there could be no assimilation. There were a few nice families settled +in the place, more or less bound together by a community of interest +centering in Balderville and the future of their children, who were +usually sent away to school when half grown. + +Youth is a surprisingly concrete thing, possessing faculties of its +own--a terrible clear-sightedness, for one thing, and a black-and-white +ruled-out sense of justice and injustice; it brought an absolutely new +sense of values to Dosia. It was when she was seventeen that it began to +dawn upon her that the conditions at home, always looked upon as +entirely temporary and sporadic by her father and stepmother, were +really the inevitable expressions of law. She saw that the true +character of her parents was quite different from their own idea of it; +that they would never change materially, and therefore, in the very +nature of things, their fortunes could never change materially; they +would always be going a little faster or a little slower on a down +grade. She wondered at the exhaustless capacity of complacently +believing in worn fallacies which her young eyes saw pitilessly as such. +Her stepmother still looked upon the father, as he did upon himself, as +a successful and energetic man of business for the moment only disabled +by his failing health, and believed herself to be always on the point of +managing the little money they had with superhuman economy, so that it +would cover all household emergencies; only Dosia knew that there could +never be more money, and that what there was must always slip away. This +knowledge laid the future waste and rendered effort futile. What was the +use, for instance, of putting cushions on the lounge over the place +where there was a big hole in the cover, until they could buy the new +one? There never would be a new one. What was the use of pretending that +when the cracked and heterogeneous plates and dishes were replaced the +table would be properly set once more? They never would be replaced. + +If Theodosia had not been of a sweet nature, scorn would have embittered +her; as it was, she was still loving, but she grew tired. She taught a +little, in the odd chances that served, and gained a few pence here and +there by it, for teaching brought an absurdly pitiful wage. She went to +the simple entertainments of the place, which were mostly among the +older people, and played the piano sometimes at them, when she could be +spared long enough from her duties at home to practice beforehand. The +young people around showed the usual rural effect of propinquity and +childish habit in pairing off insensibly as they grew up; it was always +said of such and such a one, in local parlance, that they "went +together," and arrangements were made in view of this known fact +whenever festivities were in prospect, but Dosia had never "gone with" +anyone for more than a few days at a time, when some young visitor +staying in the place had given her the preference in the dances and +picnics and straw-rides. For the rest, she sewed and mended and baked +and took care of the children, and read, and found her father's +walking-sticks for him, and filled the lamps and fed the dogs and went +on errands. Her father and stepmother were quite contented, and why +should she not be? + +[Illustration: _Theodosia_] + +But there came a time when there seemed to be no point to living; after +the day's work, what was there? What would there ever be? The children +played merrily and went to bed happy. The father and mother loved each +other, their very limitations made their engrossing interest, they were +contented to be discontented. Dosia took herself to task for her own +discontent, she prayed against it, she made bracing rules for herself +which she strove to follow; she read, she sewed with fresh vigor, she +was nobly self-sacrificing. Mrs. Linden often said that she didn't know +how they would ever get along without Dosia. She also often spoke of the +advantages she would like to give the girl, and at first Dosia had +listened with pleased hope to these aspirations, but as no effort was +ever made to realize them in even the simplest way, they only served +after a while to show more plainly the flatness of living. + +Many a night--like many another girl!--Dosia sat in the window of her +shelving attic room, bathed in the golden moonlight, with her hair +falling on her shoulders and her hands clasped before her, a picture for +none to see. The warm summer odors of pine and hickory were around her. +The tide of youth was so strong in her heart! In vain she tried to stem +it. She longed inexpressibly for that outer world, of which she had +read, where youth was a power. In an age of modern young womanhood, +clever, self-satisfying, potential, Dosia belonged to the old regime +where sentiment still holds sway. She wanted, indeed, to learn more +about many things,--she longed to study music,--but she felt no +inspiration and no desire for the life of an artist; she was, in fact, +just a girl, who longed with vague indefiniteness, yet none the less +intensely, for the joyous life of a girl; the pleasure of being sought, +the excitement of shining, for music and dancing and little daily +delights, and--love. She dimly discerned unknown glories that made her +breath come quickly. Dosia dreamed of some one in the far future who +would be very good and very noble, whose love would hold her to +everything that was beautiful and right, with whom she would prove +herself extraordinarily witty and brilliant and fascinating, and whose +hand on hers would set her heart beating. She imagined pouring out her +heart to him,--that heart which seemed to be forever shut in her breast +now, with none to understand it, none to care,--going to him with all +these doubts and self-convictions and hopes, and feeling the blessedness +of his response. "You darling," he would say, "don't you know I was +loving you all the time? We neither of us knew each other, to be sure, +but the love was there all the same; it had existed since the beginning +of the world." + +She began to show the effects of that terrible atrophy which affects not +only the mind but the very blood of girlhood, and which does not need +iron as a curative power so much as a legitimate and healthy excitement. +Even Mrs. Linden noticed that the girl looked thin and pale, and showed +listlessness in place of energy, after several neighbors had openly +commented on the fact; she said placidly that she was really worried +about Dosia, and wished that she could have a change. And then one of +those impossible, wonderful things happened which alter the whole +surface of the earth. A rich aunt in Cincinnati wrote that Dosia was to +go to New York to study music, and spend the winter with a married +cousin, Lois Alexander, in one of the suburbs. + +Thus it came that Theodosia was journeying North, dressed in a new suit +of blue serge, which had been sent from Atlanta, to fit her measure, +with the rest of her traveling outfit. As she sat in the Pullman car, +with her head in its little gray felt hat against the high back of the +seat, and looked down at the tips of her new shoes, and then at the +fingers of her new gloves, she felt like a princess. + +Dress in Balderville had been a matter of necessity, not of +choice--bleared and shapeless in effect from much "making over," as +purchase was not to be thought of. Dosia had had no new clothing for +such a long time that the sensation of delight was so keen that she +almost felt as if it must be wicked. Her skin seemed satin smooth with +the clean freshness of dainty linen against it, and the unwonted perfume +of the suede gloves was subtly intoxicating. She took furtive glimpses +of herself in the glass panel beside her, and the sight filled her with +a delighted wonder. She could hardly believe that she really looked so +much like other people. + +It was her toilet that engaged her attention, not her face; she had that +exaggerated idea of the importance of dress which belongs to people who +have never been able to exercise their taste or fancy for +it--particularly those who live in the country. A bit of bright velvet +was like a picture to her, ribbons made a poem; for her face she cared +little. It was not beautiful, but sweet and youthful--just a girl's +face; small, quite pale, except when she spoke, when the color varied in +it with the moment. She had blue eyes, a good mouth with a short upper +lip, white teeth, and a pretty chin. Her blue eyes had a bright, alert +look in them that waited on those with whom she held converse; her +slender young figure bent slightly forward, while her lips parted +unconsciously, as if in deep attention. This, with her varying color, +gave her a charm. + +But her greatest attraction was still the innocent, artless expression +of extreme youth which experience has never touched, which has nothing +to remember and nothing to forget--the typical fair white page, still +unwritten upon, although she had been twenty on her last birthday. + +When she looked at the scenery, she kept seeing at first only the family +group at the station as she had left it: her father, tall, gray-bearded, +with hollow eyes, a continually working mouth, a slouching gait, a worn +hat and an old striped coat; her stepmother, short, stout, pretty, and +unkempt, in a frayed and faded shirtwaist, and a skirt pinned with a +large brass safety-pin dragging away from the belt; three barefooted +children in nondescript attire beside her, and a curly-haired, +brown-eyed boy of two holding her dress with one hand and throwing +kisses with the other. That was how Dosia had seen them last. The elders +had been so kind about her going, her eyes filled remorsefully at the +thought; she had been so shamelessly glad to go! And yet, she did love +them. Mingled with a sense of kindness was also a strange little +disappointment--she felt that when they turned homeward with their backs +to the train they would let her slip out of their lives with the same +ease with which they had accustomed themselves to let other things go, +with a selfish inertia too deep to feel anything long. Only the +baby--little Rolf--he would miss her; he would cry, at any rate for a +while, for his Dosia to put him to sleep. Her lips trembled and her arms +yearned for him, with a sudden savage instinct of latent motherhood +unknown to her placid stepmother. It was characteristic of this girl, +who was tired of taking care of children, that the fact of there being a +two-year-old baby also at her cousin's house seemed now its crowning +attraction; she turned comfortingly to intimate speculations about the +darling. + +After a while the rush-rushing of the train, the sense of traveling, +blurred out the past for her. She was journeying to the life that was +hers by right; the luxurious appointments of the car, her own new +elegance, began to seem a part of her, wonted necessaries to which, +indeed, she had been born. It was a buffet-car, and she took the card +offered her by the white-aproned colored waiter and selected her dinner +as she saw others doing. He was so long in bringing it that she thought +he had forgotten it; but at last he brought the meal, and she ate it +from the table which he had obseqiously fastened up in front of her; +there was an exhilaration in the performance of this very simple act +which made several people look at her with a smiling indulgence. +Afterwards she put her gray felt hat in the rack, and took off her +jacket, and made herself comfortable, as she saw others had done. The +car was by no means crowded, and she had seen from the first that there +was no one who could serve as a peg to hang a romance on--only +middle-aged women and men, and a mother with half-grown children. She +fell to wondering, as she had done many times before, what her cousins +would be like; she was prepared to love them dearly. With the +unconscious egotism of her age, everything in this new life was to +revolve around her. The other players were accessories--she was the star +performer. + +The afternoon whirled away amid patches of light and dark, of green and +shadow, red clay and somber pine, scattered white houses and rounded +overhanging slopes that shut out the day. Dosia looked, and dreamed--and +dreamed. Then night closed her into the train, with its crimson plush +and gleaming woods and lights, and strange faces, and impalpable +cinders, and that rush-rushing still. Then the berths were made up, +people sitting the while in tired, silent groups in other sections, +holding on to cloaks and hand-bags, before disappearing singly behind +the curtains. Dosia crept under hers. She had first tried to braid the +brown hair that would curl itself out of the plaits, and then lay down +at last without removing any clothing, with both hands tucked under her +soft cheek and her eyes staring before her. There had been a bustle of +walking to and fro before the berths were made ready, but after a while +all was still behind the long curtains, that waved outward a little when +the train went suddenly around a curve. Gradually those wide-open blue +eyes began to close; she seemed to be floating in a blissful dream on +pillows of roseate down, between waking and sleeping; and then--_God in +heaven_! A crash as of a breaking world, an awful, blinding, helpless +terror! A giant force had her by the throat, clutching her, beating her +against the planks, jamming her into awful darkness as if she were a +creature without bone or sinew, while her shrieking voice lost itself +among the other voices shrieking. A plunge, and then--nothing. + +The night was inky black, and the wind that swept down the gorge brought +an occasional raindrop with it. Dosia felt one fall on her cheek. A long +while after that she heard voices, then a man's hand was passed over her +face and a voice close above her said, "It is a woman," and added, +bending still nearer to her, "Can you speak?" + +Dosia opened her lips, but no sound came from them; instead, she broke +into a helpless sobbing in which there were no tears. The man spoke to +some one near, and she became aware that there were other sounds of +talking and distress around her. Far up above them an occasional light +twinkled and disappeared. + +Presently the man bent down to her again, and, lifting her head gently, +placed something soft under it. His touch was compassionate, and his +tone still more so as he said: + +"Are you in much pain?" + +She tried again to speak, and again the sobbing spoke for her. She +wanted to question him, but could not. He seemed to divine her thought. + +"Never mind; do not try to answer me. Perhaps you wonder where you are. +There has been a terrible accident--the trestle gave way, and one car +fell down here; the others, I believe, smashed farther up somewhere. +People are coming to us with light and stretchers, and all we have to do +now is to wait patiently. I wonder if you will try and do just as I tell +you? Move your right foot--yes, there--now your left--now this arm--now +the other. Why, that's brave of you!"--as she tried to raise herself a +little. "Perhaps you will be able to stand soon." He broke off suddenly +with a groan: "I wish to Heaven I had some whisky! I wish to Heaven I +had! but there's not a drop left in the flask." + +The wind began to blow harder, and the rain to descend, and the sounds +of moving and confusion around increased. The lights Dosia had seen +above seemed to get nearer, and then twinkled down close to the wreck; +but even then, in the opaque blackness of the night, they remained only +isolated points of light, diffusing no radiance around them, as they +dipped down to the earth, and rose again, and wavered and went backward +and forward; with them came more voices and stumbling feet, sounds half +swallowed by the depth of the night and the growing fury of the gusts of +wind. + +Dosia felt a new and terrible pang of loneliness as the fleeting flash +of a lantern above her revealed that there was no one beside her; it was +like being dropped again into nothingness. She did not know how long she +lay there. With the recognized tones came a returning wave of life, +though she scarce knew what was said. A strong arm raised her to a +sitting position, and held her there, with her head resting against the +shoulder of this new-found friend. "Drink this--all of it. I want to see +if you can stand after a few moments, and perhaps walk--there are so few +stretchers." Dosia could feel him involuntarily shudder. + +"No, I will not leave you"--he spoke as one would to a little child, as +she made a faint, terrified motion to hold his arm--"I will not leave +you. I will take you every step of the way. You are a girl, aren't you? +Were you alone on the train? Had you no friends with you?" + +She whispered with some difficulty, "No one." + +"You are perhaps spared much." There was a silence. Presently he said +gently: "We must not wait here too long; we must follow the +lanterns--see, they are going. You can stand; now try and walk. Give me +your hand--that way. Lean on me. Take one step--now another. Come! Don't +be afraid--you _must_." + +With his arm around her, supporting, guiding, almost carrying her, she +essayed to walk. Shaking at each step pitifully at first, then growing +stronger, with one hand locked in his, she found herself ascending the +rocky path of the hillside with dark moving shapes beside her. The +lights ahead disappeared in the mouth of a long tunnel into which the +light was walled solidly. He was leading her along the railroad-ties. As +she stumbled from time to time, she became formlessly conscious that he +winced and caught his breath involuntarily while trying to keep her from +falling with that strong grip. The confused impression of his suffering +grew finally so intense upon her, and seemed in her weak condition such +a terrible load to bear, that she wept helplessly. + +He felt her shaking, and stopped short, looking back at her anxiously. +"What's the matter?" + +"I'm hurting you." + +"Not more than I can stand. Don't stop to talk about it; we mustn't fall +behind. Hold my hand fast." + +The railroad-ties stretched beyond the tunnel. The rain met the +wayfarers full in the face. The dark, tramping, struggling forms were +all ahead with the drowning lanterns. The walk had become an incessant, +endless thing, dreadful as a journey through the inferno, but for the +protecting, enfolding clasp of that guiding hand--a strong, clean touch, +that subtly conveyed warmth to the blood and courage to the heart. With +her palm pressed to that of this unseen friend, Dosia felt clearly that +she could have walked blindfolded to the end of the world, sure that he +knew the path and that it led to some unknown good. They seemed to grow +as one in the unspoken comforting of trust. + +Their feet were on a road now. There was a sudden clatter of horses' +hoofs through the rush of wind and rain. A wagon stopped beside them. +Dosia found herself lifted in and laid on a pile of straw. There were +others lifted in also; then the horses jogged on with their load, +carrying her away from the friend whose face she had not seen, and with +whom she had exchanged no word of farewell. + +She heard nothing of him in that long day at the farmhouse, where she +lay waiting in a half stupor for the cousin who had been sent for. But +through her life long that hand-clasp stood to Theodosia Linden for all +the high, protecting care, the strength and gentleness, the fine, +unselfish thought that a woman looks for in a man, and the finding of +which is her greatest good on earth. + + + + +CHAPTER FOUR + + +It was a bright, fresh morning in November, the day after Dosia had +begun her journey, that Justin Alexander started out to take possession +of the office and factory. The departure from his old place was a thing +of the past, the preparations for entering into the new business were at +an end. Every evening during the last month had been taken up in +consultations with Leverich and Martin, and every other spare minute had +been given to looking over the furnishings and mechanism of the factory +and visiting or writing letters to people connected with the project. It +was sheer joy to him to exercise a grasp of intellect hitherto perforce +in abeyance, and he did not see the frequent glance of satisfaction +which his two backers often gave each other across the table as he +propounded his views. The people in the old place had been good to him; +his leaving had been celebrated with a dinner and honest expressions of +regret from his former companions. The only one he had been really sorry +to leave was Callender; it would seem odd not to have him at his elbow +any more. + +But all the preliminaries were finished, and he was master now. For a +man who has barely lived each month upon his earnings, to have fifty +thousand dollars in the bank subject to his order is a fairly +pleasurable sensation. Justin had always inveighed against the idea that +character, like other products, is controlled by wealth, but he +insensibly put on a bolder front as he buttoned himself into his +overcoat and walked from the ferry to his office. The morning had +certainly developed a larger manner in him. The ease of affluence is +first assimilated in thought, which acts upon the muscles. Justin did +not know that the buoyancy of a golden self-confidence had communicated +itself to the very way in which he nodded to a friend or shouldered his +closed umbrella, or that his step upon the sidewalk had a new ring in +it. It is the transmutation of metal into the blood--the revivifying +power which the seekers after the philosopher's stone recognized so +thoroughly. + +He had come to town on an earlier train than he was accustomed to take, +and the people whom he passed were not familiar to him. There was a +newness to the bright day, even in that, that marked the novel +undertaking; the air was cold, but the light was golden. Men went by +with yellow chrysanthemums pinned to their coats and a fresh and eager +look upon their faces. The clang of the cable-cars had an enlivening +condensation of sound in distinction to the hard rumble and jar of the +wagons, but all the noises were inspiriting as part of a great and +concentrated movement in which the day awoke to an enormous energy--an +energy so pervading that even inanimate objects seemed to reflect it, as +a mirror reflects the expression of those who look upon it. + +His way lay farther up-town than he had been wont to go, above the Wall +Street line of work and into that great city of wholesale industries +which stretches northward. The streets at this hour were new to him and +filled with new sights and sounds: the apple-stands at the corners, +being put in order for the day, the sidewalk venders with their small +wares, were fewer and of a different order from those he had been used +to seeing. The passers-by were different. There were a great many girls +in bright hats and shabby jackets, who talked incessantly as they +walked, and disappeared down side streets which looked dark and cold and +damp in contrast to the bright glitter of Broadway. He turned into one +of these streets himself, and walked eastward toward the river. + +As it appeared to him to-day, so had it never appeared to him before, +and never would again. He might have been in a foreign city, so keenly +did he notice every detail. The street was filled at first with drays, +loading up with huge boxes from the big warehouses on each side, at the +entrances of which men in shirt-sleeves pulled and hauled at the ropes +of freight-elevators; then he came to grimy buildings in which was heard +the whir of machinery, and he caught a glimpse of men, half stripped, +moving backward and forward with strange motions. From across the street +came the busy rush of sewing-machines as some one threw up a window and +looked out, and a row of girls passed into view with heads bent forward +and bodies swaying shoulder to shoulder; beyond were men bending over, +pressing, and the steam from the hot irons on the wet cloth poured out +around them; and all these toilers seemed no beaten-down wage-earners, +but the glad chorus in his own drama of work. Between the factories +there began to show neglected narrow brick dwelling-houses, with iron +railings and mean, compressed doorways, fronted by garbage-barrels; +basement saloons; tiny groceries with bread in the windows and wilted +vegetables on the sidewalk, where women with shawled heads were grouped; +attenuated furnishing-stores for men, with an ingratiating proprietor in +the doorway. In the midst of this district, taking up a salient corner, +was the large and ornate building of a patent-medicine concern, towering +high into the air, and seeming to preach with lofty benevolence to those +below that to be truly respectable and happy you must be rich. + +Beyond this the scene repeated itself with slight differences--the +houses were not so many, and the factories gave place to warehouses +again. The influence of those tall masts at the foot of the street began +to be felt, although the signs as yet did not speak of oakum or ships' +stores. Among the warehouses, however, was one brick dwelling that +attracted Justin's particular attention, wedged in as it was between the +taller buildings on either side. It varied from the others he had seen +by the depths of its squalor. The stone steps were defaced and broken; +the windows as well as the arched fan-light over the entrance--a relic +of bygone days--had only a few jagged pieces of glass left; and a black +hallway was revealed to view through the open door. The windows were so +near the street that it was easy to see into the front room--an interior +so sordid and forbidding that Justin involuntarily paused to view it. + +The room was empty. The walls had been covered once with a +brown-flowered paper which now hung from them in great patches, showing +the green mold beneath. Under the black marble mantelpiece, thickly +covered with white dust, was a grate piled high with ashes; ash-heaps +stood also out on the floor, flanked with empty black bottles and broken +remnants of furniture. In the background was a hideous black haircloth +sofa. Heaven only knows with what past it had been associated to give +that creeping feeling in the veins of the sober and practical man who +gazed at it; it seemed the outward and visible sign of ruin. The unseen +and abnormal still keeps its irrelevant and unexplained hold on the +human intelligence, with no respect of persons. It gave Justin a +momentary chill to think of passing this each day. Then he looked up, +half turning as he felt that some one was observing him, and met the eye +of a man who was walking on the other side of the street; he remembered +suddenly that they had been almost keeping pace together since he had +turned into this street from Broadway. + +The smile of this unknown foot-farer spoke of a conscious comradeship +which surprised Justin, who held himself a little more stiffly and +hurried forward at a quicker pace to reach his destination, which was +now in sight. His eye approved the new paint and the air of decent +reserve which appertained to the building; the new sign at the side of +the hallway bore the legend of the typometer, with his name +conspicuously above. As Justin entered he turned again involuntarily, +and the man on the other side of the street, who was himself on the +point of entering a hallway, turned also. This time Justin smiled in +response. The opposite building, as he knew, bore a sign much resembling +his own, with the name of Angevin L. Cater upon it; the air of +proprietorship bespoke Mr. Cater himself. The meeting gave a welcome +pleasure to rivalry, and brought back the dew of the morning. + +The offices were in the second story, his own especial one railed off +near the front windows and covered with a new green rug. To one side +were the compartments of his subordinates and the open desk-room of the +lower clerks; beyond these was the packing department of the factory; +from above was heard the ceaseless whirring and clicking of machinery. +The larger parts of the instrument--the copper tubing and the steel +bars--were bought in the rough, so to speak, and shaped to their proper +functions here, where, also, the more intricate portions were +manufactured. + +The undertaking, briefly told, rested on the merits of a timing-machine +invented and patented some years before in Connecticut, and sold to a +manufacturer there, who had taken it as a side issue and failed properly +to exploit it. The right to it had changed hands several times, during +which it was pushed with varying energy, being finally domiciled in New +York. In the meantime other machines, differing slightly in +construction, had also been patented and put on the market in various +cities, none of them with any great success until the present moment. +Then the public began to wake up suddenly to the value of +timing-machines, and Leverich and Martin, organizers of corporations, +seized the opportunity of buying all the rights to the Warford Standard +Typometer--so called because, in addition to measuring stated periods of +elapsed time, it mechanically produced a type-written statement of it. +The Warford, as the first invention, had some merits never quite +attained by the later ones, in the eyes of its present purchasers. They +said all it needed now was push. + +Thousands of little books entitled "Sixty Seconds with the Typometer" +had been sent abroad in the last month, setting forth with attractive +brevity, and in large black print that could be read without glasses, +Why you wanted a typometer, Which was the best one to buy, and Where you +could buy it. Long articles advertising it appeared in the daily papers, +in which the sales of the machine reached an effective aggregate. + +The business, in fact, showed signs of seriously forging ahead under the +renewed efforts of Leverich and Martin, and their portrayal of its +future was within the bounds of possibility. The foreman of the factory +was one of the original workmen, and some of the men had also been +associated with the machine for several years, so that the running-gear +ran with fair smoothness; the head bookkeeper and manager, an elderly +man, had also remained a fixture through all the fluctuations, and had +been the great dependence of the new purchasers; if he had possessed the +requisite mental capacity, it is doubtful whether Justin's services +would have been needed at all. + +As Justin went up to the factory floor on this morning, the foreman +stepped out from among the machinery to offer his greeting; he was a +slight man with deep-set, swiftly observant eyes and a mouth that +drooped at the corners; his sleeves were rolled up over his thin, +muscular arms. + +To Justin's pleasant good morning he responded, with a quick gleam of +pleasure in his eyes: + +"Good morning, sir. I'm glad to see you here so early. You've perhaps +heard of the big order that came in last night from Cincinnati." + +"No," said Justin; "I came up here first. That's good news, Bullen." + +"Yes, sir. I've made a list of the stock we'll need as soon as we can +get it in, I sent it down to your desk, sir, a moment ago. I'll want to +see you later, Mr. Alexander, about taking on more men." + +"Very well," said Justin. His step was jubilant as he descended to the +office, to be greeted with the same congratulatory news from Harker, the +assistant manager. + +"And I think these letters mean more orders, Mr. Alexander," he said. + +They did. The next mail brought more. As Justin opened them, one by one, +it was impossible not to feel the sharp thrill of mastery, of gratified +ambition. It was his efforts in the new line which were bringing in this +first harvest; all the time he had been outwardly listening to Martin +and Leverich, his mind had run steadily on its own gearing, he had +weighed their propositions and conclusions in a secret balance. He +meant, within due limits, to conduct this business as he thought best. +If orders came in every day like this--and why should they not? if not +now, at least in the near future---- + +The atmosphere of the office was festal that day, imbued with the smell +of fresh varnish and new rugs. The complications that arise later on as +one gets down into the solid experience of an undertaking, hampered by +the work of yesterday and the future work of to-morrow, were beautifully +absent. Everything was clear and possible; everyone was busy, and the +master busiest of all. To write out checks for money which has been +furnished by some one else is a keen pleasure at the first blush; the +store and the coffers seem illimitable to him who has not earned it. +Afterwards---- + +"By the way, Harker," he asked once, in an interval of waiting, "what is +the concern across the street?" + +"It's much the same as ours, Mr. Alexander." + +Justin looked up, surprised. "I never knew that." + +"Oh, Mr. Cater calls his machine by a different name; it's the +Timoscript. But it amounts to the same thing, after a fashion--not as +good as ours, by a long shot; it clogs horribly after you've worked it +for a while. They've got one in the billiard-room around the corner." + +"And this Mr. Cater--has he been in the business long?" + +"He was here when we came, two years ago." + +Justin said no more. He went out later to search for a decent place for +luncheon in this unfamiliar city, and was hardly surprised, when he +seated himself by a little white table in a small, rather dark room, to +look up and recognize opposite him the smiling face of Mr. Angevin L. +Cater. + +"I was wondering how soon you'd find this place out," said the latter. +He spoke with a Southern drawl. "You don't get a very large repertoire +here, but what they do give you is sort of catchy. They fry well, and +that's an art. And it's clean." + +"Yes," said Justin shortly. It was his untoward fate to be usually +spoken to by strangers, and he had a much more social feeling toward +those who let him alone, but even the shadows of this golden day were +translucent. + +"I reckon you know who I am--Angevin L. Cater. Angevin's a queer name, +isn't it? French--several generations back." + +To this Justin made no reply, conceiving that none was required. After a +moment Mr. Cater began again: + +"Perhaps you think it's strange--my speaking to you in this way. Of +course I've seen you coming to Number 270, and knew that you were taking +charge there, but that's not the whole of it. I'm from Georgia--got a +wife and two children and a mother-in-law in Balderville now." He paused +to give this impressive fact full weight. "You've some relatives there, +haven't you, by the name of Linden?" + +"My wife has," said Justin, with new attention. + +"Well, I reckon I heard of you some this fall when I was home. Miss +Theodosia was talking of spending the winter North with you, she asked +me if I knew Mr. Justin Alexander, and I had to tell her no. I didn't +think I'd meet up with you so soon. Heard from her lately?" + +"We expect Miss Linden to-morrow," said Justin. "How is Mr. Linden +getting on? We haven't heard very good accounts of him lately." + +"Oh, Linden's a mighty fine man; he ain't successful, that's all. I find +a heap of mighty fine men that ain't successful, don't you? I don't +think it's anything against a man that he ain't successful. Besides, old +man Linden ain't got his health; you can't do anything if you haven't +got your health. His wife's a mighty fine lady--pretty, too; but she +ain't much on dressin' up; stays at home and takes care of her children. +And Miss Dosia--well, Miss Dosia's a peach. Talented, too--I tell you, +she can bang the ivories! But she's been kinder pinin' lately; I reckon +she needs a change--though a change isn't always what it's cracked up to +be. I've found that out, haven't you? I changed into a New York business +two years ago, and it's taken all my strength to buck up against it till +now. I reckon maybe it'll carry me along all right--now." + +"You're in the same line that I am, I understand," said Justin, who had +been eating while the other talked. + +"Why, yes, you might call it that, I guess both machines started in +Connecticut. A cousin of mine owned one, he said Warford stole his idea +and got it patented first--I don't know. When he died he left me what +money he had, and I took up the concern. I've got a Yankee side to me as +well as a Southern side; sometimes I get tuckered out tryin' to combine +'em." + +"You say that trade is looking up now?" asked Justin. + +"Well, yes, it is. The public is beginning to learn the value of time as +recorded by the timoscript." His eyes twinkled. "Our machine is put +together better than the Warford. I feel it my duty to say that, Mr. +Alexander. It's simpler, for one thing--there ain't so many little cogs +to catch and get out of order. No complex mechanism; a child can run +it--that's what my circulars say. I believe in advertising, same as you; +I don't object to your booming trade. The more people there are, now, +who know there is a time-machine, the more there'll be to find they've +had a long-felt want for one, no matter what you call it. And--you +shouldn't hurry over your luncheon so, Mr. Alexander," for Justin had +thrown down his napkin and was rising. + +"I've got to be back at the office by two," said Justin, glancing at the +clock, which showed five minutes of the hour. + +"Oh, you can walk it in three minutes; but of course you're not down to +that yet. I'm glad to have met up with you, sir, and I hope to see you +often. I reckon this town's big enough for two of a kind." + +"Thank you," said Justin, glad to escape. He had been telling himself +during the conversation that he would take care to avoid Mr. Angevin L. +Cater's favorite haunt for the future, but he was surprised to find a +change gradually stealing over him after he had left the man. There are +some persons, distinctly agreeable at first, whose absence materializes +an unexpected aversion to their further acquaintance; others, whose +company one has found tedious, leave a wholesome flavor, after all, +behind them. Mr. Cater appeared to be of the latter class. Justin found +himself smiling with real kindness once or twice as he thought of his +opposite neighbor. + +But there was little time for turning aside during the afternoon--the +evening as well as the morning were component parts of that golden day. +The orders that came in gave a wonderful effect of luck, although they +were largely the legitimate outcome of well-planned efforts. Justin +thought the work of the last six months was bringing its fulfillment +now, but this clear stream of accomplishment showed him the way to a +mighty ocean. Power, power, power! The sense of it was in his +finger-ends as he focused his mind on world-embracing schemes; with that +impelling current of strength, he could have turned even failure to +success, and he knew it. + +The hours were all too short for transacting the business that had to be +done, and for all the consultations as to ways and means. It would take +some time to put these preparations on a larger scale. + +Justin was ready to leave at six o'clock, with a bundle of price-lists +under his arm to look over when he got home. The last mail was handed to +him just as he was locking his desk. + +"There is no use in my looking over these to-night, Harker," he said. +"You can get at them the first thing in the morning. I will be down even +earlier than to-day. Stay--" His eye had caught sight of an envelope +with the name of a well-known Chicago firm on it. He tore it open, ran +his eye rapidly over the contents, and then handed it, with a gesture as +of abdication, to Harker. The bookkeeper was the first to break the +silence. + +"I thought we were getting along pretty rapidly to-day," he said, "but +it seems that we haven't even started. This tops all! We'll have to get +a big move on, Mr. Alexander. They're giving us very short time." + +"Yes," said Justin. He lingered irresolutely, and then laid down his +papers with the hat which he held ready to put on, and went over to the +safe. He took from it five new ten-dollar bills and tucked them into his +waistcoat pocket. They sent a glow to his heart, for they were intended +as a little gift to his wife; it seemed to him that this last good +fortune had given him the right to make her a visible sharer in it. + +As he ran up the steps of his home, he collided with a small boy who was +holding a bicycle with one hand and proffering a yellow envelope through +the open doorway with an outstretched arm. Lois was taking it. She and +Justin read the telegram at the same moment, before it fell fluttering +to the ground between them, as both hands dropped it. + +"I cannot possibly go," he said, staring at her. + +"Oh, Justin! I will, then--some one _must_." + +"No, no, _you_ can't; that's nonsense. Great heavens! for this to come +at such a time!" He broke off again, staring helplessly before him. +Leverich was in St. Louis, Martin at his home ill. "Why didn't the girl +start last week, as she intended?" + +"Oh, the poor child--don't blame _her_. The accident must have been so +terrible!" + +"Yes--yes, indeed." He sat down in the hall chair, while his wife signed +the telegraph-book which the boy incidentally held open for her as he +chewed gum. When she finished, she saw that Justin was pouring over the +time-table in an evening paper; he laid it down to say: + +"If I start back for town in ten minutes I can catch the eight-thirty +train south, and get home again to-morrow night or the morning after, if +Theodosia is able to travel. That will only make me lose one day." One +day! He shook his head in bitter impatience. + +"Oh, I hate to have you go in this way! Shall I send word to the office +for you?" + +"No; I'll write some telegrams on the way in. I'll run up-stairs and put +a few things in the bag, and kiss the children good night--I hear them +calling." He put his hand in his pocket and hurriedly drew out the crisp +roll of bills, and looked at them ruefully. + +"I brought this money for you, Lois, but I'll have to take it with me, +I'm afraid, for I might run short." He put his arm around her for a +brief instant, in answer to her exclamation. "No, don't get me anything +to eat; I haven't time, I tell you. I'll get what I want later, on the +train." In the strong irritation which he was curbing he felt as if he +would never want to eat again. He was in reality by nature both kind and +compassionate, but the worst sting of trouble lies often in the fact +that it is so inopportune. + + + + +CHAPTER FIVE + + +"Are we near New York?" + +"Yes," said Justin, smiling encouragement at his young companion. He +stood up and took down from the rack above them Dosia's jacket, which +had been reclaimed from the wreck soaked and torn, and a boy's cap in +lieu of her missing hat. + +"You had better put these on now, and then you can rest again for a +little while before we have to move." + +It was unavoidable that after the enforced journey the sight of Dosia's +white face and imploring eyes should have filled him with a rush of +tender compassion which completely blotted out the previous reluctance +from his memory. Few men spend their time regretting past stages of +thought, and he had naturally accepted her tremulous thankfulness for +his solicitude. + +After the long day of travel in Justin's company, the color had begun to +return faintly to Dosia's lips and cheeks. She was also growing to feel +a little more at home with him; he had seemed too much a stranger and +she had been too greatly in awe of him at first to ask many questions. +He himself had spoken little, but had been kind in numberless ways, and +thoughtful of her comfort, and always smiled encouragingly when he +looked at her. Now, at the journey's end, he began to talk, in a secret +restlessness which he could not own. His mind had been busy all day with +the typometer and his plans for the morrow, but as he neared home he +could not shake off a haunting premonition of something unpleasant to +come. + +"Lois and the children will all be drawn up in line expecting the new +cousin," he said. + +"Will they?" asked Theodosia, with pleased interest. "But they will be +looking out for you as well as for me." + +"Yes, I suppose so; I very seldom go away from home. But I was wrong in +saying that both children would be up, for it will be nearly seven when +we reach the house, and they go to bed at six; perhaps Zaidee will be +there. I hope you like children, or you will have a bad time of it at +our house." + +"I love children," said Dosia, with the solemnity of a profession of +faith. + +"I think you will like Zaidee, then; she is a little girl who has her +hair tied up with bunches of blue ribbon, and the rest of it straggles +around in light wisps, or is gathered into an inconceivably small +pigtail at the back of her neck. She has a pug-nose, round blue eyes, +little white teeth, and an expression of great responsibility and +wisdom, because at the age of six she is the eldest daughter--and that +means a great deal, you know." + +"Oh," said Dosia, "I am an 'eldest daughter.'" She choked, momentarily, +as she thought of the family at home. "Was it only last night that you +started for me?" she asked, after a pause during which she had looked +hard out of the car-window. + +"Yes; I've made pretty good time, I think. It was lucky that we could +catch that eight-thirty express this morning; if we hadn't it would have +put us back nearly twenty-four hours--and that would have been bad," he +added under his breath. + +"Perhaps it was hard for you to leave even for one day," said Dosia +timidly. She felt somehow away outside of his inner thought, as if she +had no inherent place in his mind at all. "You are just starting in +business, aren't you?" + +"Oh, that is all right. We are both starting in new ventures--Dosia and +the typometer appear on the scene at the same moment, starting out on a +career together; and for this time Dosia had to take precedence, that is +all. I hope we'll both be equally successful." + +"Yes, indeed." She responded to his smile, and tried to rally her +failing powers. + +"I am very glad I went for you." He regarded her with anxiety. "You +could not have made the journey alone." + +"Oh, I could have--but I am so glad you came!" said Dosia. She leaned +against the window, with closed eyes, to rest--her wan face, her dress, +crumpled and stained, the negligence of her hair, which she had been +unable to arrange properly, and her air of fatigue making a pitiful +contrast to the girl who had started out so gayly on her travels in her +trim attire two days before. Now, as in many another moment of silence, +she felt once more the hurtling fall, the pressure of darkness, and the +ravages of the rain and wind; the nightmare horror of the wreck was upon +her; only the remembered clasp of a hand held her reason firm. She had +spent half the day in thinking of that unknown friend, and the thought +seemed to put her under some obligation of high and pure living, in a +cloistered gratitude. A girl who had been saved in that way ought to be +worthy of it. Some day or other--some day--it must be meant that she +should meet him again and tell him what his help had been to her. She +imagined herself engaged in some errand of mercy--supporting the +tottering footsteps of an old woman as she crossed a crowded street, or +carrying a little sick child, or kneeling by a fever-touched bedside in +a tenement-house, or encouraging a terror-stricken creature through +smoke and fire. She would meet him thus, and when he said, "How good and +brave you are!" she might look up and say: "I learned it from you. Do +you remember the girl you helped the night the train was wrecked? I am +she." And when he asked, "How did you know it was I?" she would answer: +"By the tones of your voice; I would know that anywhere." And then he +would take her hand again---- + +Her eyes ached with unshed tears at the lost comfort of it. She tried to +see his form through the blur of darkness that had enveloped it,--a +swinging step, a square set of the shoulders, an effect of strong young +manhood,--and she pictured his face as noble and beautiful as his care +for her. Her reverie passed through different grades. She found herself +after a while idly scanning Justin's face and wondering if it embodied +all that was high and good to her cousin Lois; after one was married a +long time, say six or seven years, did it still matter how a man looked? +She felt herself a little in awe of his keen blue eyes, in spite of his +kindness; she thought she preferred a dark man. + +She clung to Justin's arm at the crossings and ferry, and hardly heard +his words, bewildered by the unaccustomed sights and sounds and the +weakness of her knees. Her feet slipped on the cobblestones, the +hurrying people made her dizzy, and the electric lights danced before +her eyes. + +As they were standing on the boat, two men came up to speak to Justin; +she gathered that they had heard of the accident and of his journey from +Mrs. Alexander at the whist club the night before, and stopped now to +make courteous inquiries. One, who was short and stout, with a pleasant +if commonplace face, passed on, after his introduction to Dosia; but the +other turned back, as he was following, to say: + +"By the way, I see that there was a fire in your new quarters to-day, +Alexander." + +"A fire! For Heaven's sake, Barr----" + +"Oh, I don't think it amounted to much; there's just a line in the +evening paper about it. Here, read for yourself--'fire confined to one +floor, machinery slightly damaged.' Insured, weren't you?" + +"Oh, yes, yes--that isn't the point now. We can't afford to be kept back +a minute! I'm glad you told me; I must go--I must go back at once and +see for myself." He stopped and looked hopelessly at Dosia. + +Short as the journey was now, he could not let her continue it by +herself; yet every fiber in him was quivering in his wild desire to get +over to the scene of disaster. He looked at his informant, who, in his +turn, was regarding the girl beside Justin. + +"I can go on by myself," said Dosia, divining his thought, and wondering +when this terrible journey would ever end. "Truly, I can. I know you +want to go and see about the fire; please, please do! Oh, please!" + +"Barr, will you take charge of Miss Linden?" asked Justin abruptly. He +did not particularly like Barr, but this was an emergency. "Will you +take her to Mrs. Alexander?" + +"I will, indeed," said the newcomer, with responsive earnestness. + +"Very well, then; I'll go back on this boat. I'll be out on a later +train, tell Lois." He started to make his way to the other end of the +boat, to be in readiness for the return trip, and turned back once more +to give the girl her ticket; then he was lost to sight, and Theodosia +was left, for the third time, on the hands of an unknown man. + +This one only spoke to give her the necessary directions as they joined +the usual rush for the train, and refrained from talking, to her great +relief, after he had settled her comfortably in the car for the last +half-hour of traveling. She leaned against the window-casing, as before, +as far away from him as possible, suddenly and wretchedly aware of her +dilapidated appearance and the boy's cap that covered the fair hair +curling out from under it. Her cheeks were whiter than ever, and the +corners of her mouth had the pathetic droop of extreme fatigue. + +She looked, without knowing it, very young, very forlorn, and very +frightened, and the hand in which she held the ticket given her by +Justin trembled. She was morbidly afraid that this new person would +question her as to the accident, about which she shrank from speaking; +but after a while, encouraged by his silence, she tried to turn her +thoughts by stealthily observing him. + +If her friend of the voice and hand of the night before had been only a +tall blur in the darkness, the man beside her was effectively concrete. +Neither tall nor large, he gave an impression of strength and vitality +in the ease and quickness of his motions, which bespoke trained muscles. +She decided that he was rather old--perhaps thirty. Dark-skinned, +black-haired, with a thin face, a low forehead, deep-set eyes, a high, +rather hooked nose, and a mustache, he was somewhat of the Oriental +type, although, as she learned later, a New Englander by birth and +heritage. Dosia was not quite sure whether the effect was pleasing or +the reverse; there seemed to be something about him different from the +other men she had seen, even in his clothing, although it was plain +enough. + +Interspersed with these observations were the increasing throbs of +homesickness that threatened to overwhelm her. Kind as Justin had been, +she had felt all the time outside of his thought and affection. This new +companion had shown consideration for her; she was grateful for it, but +she was unprepared to have him lean suddenly toward her, as a tear +trembled perilously on her lashes, and say, with twinkling eyes: + +"I beg your pardon, but do I look like him?" + +"Like--like whom?" asked Dosia, in amazement. + +"Like a person to be approved of." + +"I haven't considered the subject," said Dosia, with swift dignity. + +"Ah, you see, it's the reverse with me. As soon as Mrs. Alexander told +me she was expecting you, my mind was filled with visions of a sweet +young thing from the South. All sweet young things from the South have +dreams; mine was to embody yours. And when I saw you, I said to +myself--I beg your pardon, do you think I am getting too personal, on +such short acquaintance?" + +"Yes," answered Dosia, dimpling in spite of herself, "very much too +personal." She turned her head away from him, that she might not see +those sparkling, quizzical eyes so close. + +"Very well; I will finish the sentence to-morrow, as you suggest. In the +meantime, let me ask you if you have ever made a collection of +conductors' thumbs?" + +"No!" said Dosia, in astonishment, turning around again to face him. + +"I am told that there is a great deal of character in them; it is given +by the broad, free movement of punching tickets. I have thought of +collecting thumbs for purposes of study--in alcohol, of course. But why +do you look so surprised?" + +"I am surprised that you have no collection already," said Dosia, with +spirit; "you seem to be so enterprising." + +He shook his head sadly. "No. How little you know me! I'm not +enterprising in the least; I have no heroic virtues, I'm only--loving." + +"Oh!" cried Dosia, and stopped short in a ripple of merriment that was +more invigorating than wine, and that brought a rush of color to her +cheeks. + +"No? well, not until the day after to-morrow, then, if you say so. +You're so very, very good to me, Miss Linden; it's not often I find +anyone so considerate as you are. And have you come up North to make +your entrance into society?" + +"I have come North to study music," said Theodosia impressively. + +"Music! Ah, there you have me." He spoke with a new soberness. + +"Do you like it?" + +"I like it almost better than anything else in the world--too much, and +yet not enough, after all." He shook his head with a quick, somber +gesture. "I'll help you with the music, if you'll let me. Did you notice +how very quickly we became acquainted? Yes? I know now why; it puzzled +me at first. It was the music in you to which I responded--I can tell +you just what little song of Schubert's your smile is from, if you'll +give me time." + +"No," said Dosia, "it isn't from Schubert at all, and you'll never find +the key-note to it, so you needn't try." She could not help daring a +little, in her girlishness. + +He laughed. "Oh, I shall make it my business to find out. For what else +what I constituted your guardian at the beginning of your career? And +it's so good of you to say that I can come to-morrow and pour out my +heart to you! Shall it be at five? No, please don't trouble to answer; I +like to look at your ear in that position--it's so pearly. Too personal +again? Then let us converse about your Old Kentucky Home." + +"It isn't in Kentucky," interpolated Dosia desperately, but there was no +stopping him. He was so irrelevantly absurd that she succumbed at last +entirely, and hardly knew when they left the train; when they walked up +the path to her cousin's door, they were both laughing causelessly and +irresponsibly, in delightful comradeship. + +He turned to Dosia after he had rung the bell and said, "Good night." + +"Aren't you coming in to see my cousin?" + +"Oh, yes; but this is our farewell. Please make it as touching as you +can." + +She looked up frankly as she gave him her hand and said: + +"Thank you for taking charge of me." + +"And making a fool of myself? It was in a good cause, at any rate. But +what I wanted you to say was----" + +She did not hear, for the door had opened, and he only waited a moment +inside the house to explain her husband's absence to Mrs. Alexander. The +news arrested her greeting to Dosia, whom she held tentatively by the +hand as she repeated: + +"Justin went back to the fire! Oh, I'm so sorry! Do you think that it +was very bad?" + +"The paper said not." + +"It must be out now, anyway. I'm so disappointed that he did not come +home, and I have such a nice little dinner. Will you not stay, Lawson?" + +"Thank you--I wish I could." There was a penetrative, lingering flash of +those still quizzical eyes at Dosia as he made his adieus, and then he +was gone. Why should she feel alone? + +Her cousin's arms were at last around her in welcome, the warmer for +being deferred; and the little Zaidee, whom she would have known from +Justin's description of her, was standing first on one tiptoe and then +on the other, waiting to be kissed before going off to bed, as she +announced. From above came the sound of small running feet, and a +child's voice calling: + +"Cousin Dosia--I want to see my Cousin Dosia!" A bare foot and leg +surmounted by a fluttering scrap of white raiment was thrust through the +balusters, followed by a protesting scream as his nurse heavily pursued +the fugitive with upraised voice: + +"Coom back, Reginald, coom back!" There was the noise of a scuffle as +Dosia, with her escort, laughingly ascended the stairs, to elicit a +shriek of terror and a rear view of the mercurial Reginald in full +flight for the nursery door, which banged after him, and behind which he +still raised his voice, to the shrill accompaniment of the nurse. + +"_I'll_ go in and keep him quiet," said Zaidee reassuringly, in answer +to her mother's look of appeal, and she also disappeared beyond the +prison bars, after a whisk of her short crisp pink skirt, and a smile at +Dosia in which her little white teeth gleamed in an infantile glee that +only accentuated her air of preternatural capability. + +Her cousin's kindly hands helped Dosia to remove the traces of travel, +when she had definitely refused the offer pressed upon her to be +undressed and go to bed and have her dinner brought up to her. It was +sweet to be in feminine care once more, and be pitied for the terrors +she had undergone, and feel the bond of relationship assert itself in +spite of the fact that the cousins had not seen each other since Dosia's +early childhood. She did not want to be alone up-stairs, and sat instead +in Justin's place at the table, clad in a soft silken tea-gown of Lois' +that was in itself restful, trying to eat and drink and keep up her part +in the conversation about her journey and the absent members of the +family. Changes had crowded so upon poor Dosia that she felt as if she +were living in a kaleidoscope that rattled her every minute or two into +a new position; the glittering table and her cousin's form would +presently dissolve, and leave her perhaps out in the crowded, unknown +streets, with wild-eyed faces pressing near her. + +After all, she only changed to an arm-chair in the little drawing-room, +with her head against a cushion and her feet on a foot-stool, and her +cousin still beside her, pulling back the window-curtains once in a +while to take a peep outside for her missing husband; in spite of the +real kindness of her welcome, Dosia felt a certain preoccupation in it. +Her coming was only accessory to the real importance of his, when she +herself should have been the event; the warmth of heart which she had +expected to feel toward her cousin somehow seemed to fail of expression +in this attitude. At the same time, Lois was also conscious of a lack of +response, a dullness, in Theodosia. Perhaps the likeness of relationship +was answerable for a certain reserve of manner, a formality which +neither knew how to break then or at a later time, and which was to last +until the barriers were swept away by a mighty flood; but the real cause +of the lack of sympathy lay in something much deeper. The strong thought +of self is inevitably insulating--it is as restrictive of human contact +as a live wire. Dosia, whose young life had all been spent in +unselfishness, was experiencing unexpectedly the other swing of the +pendulum in an intense and absorbing desire to have everything now as +she wanted it. She was tired of thinking of other people; the scene +should be set now for _her_. This desire was a huge mushroom growth, +sprung up in a night; it had no real root in her nature, and would +vanish as suddenly as it had come, but the shadow of it distorted her. + +The house was very much smaller than Dosia had imagined, and her eyes +roved over the little drawing-room in some perplexity, trying to make it +come up to her anticipation. All dwellers in small country places, where +economy is Heaven's first law, expect to be dazzled by the grandeur and +elegance of "the city." People in Balderville never dreamed of buying +new furniture from towns twenty or thirty miles away; as chair-legs +broke off, or rockers split, or tables came to pieces, all sorts of +domestic devices were resorted to by all but shiftless householders who +tamely submitted to ruin, in coaxing the article into seeming wholeness +and keeping it still in active use. The best families were learned in +all the little ways and capabilities of string and wire, and wooden +cleats and old hinges and tacks, and pieces of tin cut from tomato-cans, +and in the glueing on of piano-keys, black-walnut excrescences, +ornaments, and sofa-arms. + +Mended furniture has, however, a deprecating expression of its own, not +to be concealed by any art. Dosia recognized the absence of it in these +trim chairs that stood nattily on their slender curved legs, in the +little shining tables which did not require to be hidden by a hanging +cloth, and in the china and bric-a-brac placed boldly where they could +be seen on all sides. She wondered a little at the low wicker arm-chair +in which she was sitting, for they had wicker furnishings in the +Balderville hotel, but the blue-skyed water-color sketches on the walls +caught her fancy, and the vista of a blue-and-white dining-room, seen +through half-closed reddish portieres, was charming. For all the shine +and polish and multiplicity of small ornaments in the tiny apartment, it +seemed to lack a kind of comfort to which she was used, and of which she +had caught a glimpse in the sitting-room as she passed it. She gave an +exclamation of delight as her eyes fell on a stand in one corner of the +room on which was a long glass filled with pink roses. + +"How beautiful these are! I haven't seen any finer ones in Balderville, +and you know we are famed for our roses there." + +"Oh," said Lois, "to think that you have been in the house for over an +hour and I never told you about them! Justin's not coming upset +everything. They were sent to you this afternoon." + +"Sent to _me_?" + +"Yes--by Mr. Sutton. Didn't you say you met him with Justin on the +boat?--a short, stout man with sandy hair." + +"Yes, Justin introduced him, but he hardly spoke to me." + +"That doesn't make any difference, he sent them before he saw you at +all. I told him you were coming, and these arrived this afternoon. You +needn't feel particularly flattered; he sends them to everybody." + +"Sends them to everybody!" Dosia looked amazed. + +"Oh, yes; he's rich, and devoted to girls. They laugh at him, but I +notice that they are quite ready to accept his flowers and candy and +tickets for the opera. I believe that he wants to get married; but he +really is sensible and quite nice underneath it all." + +"Oh!" said Dosia, indefinably revolted. "And--and is Mr. Barr like that, +too?" + +"Who, Lawson? Oh, dear, no; he can't even support himself, let alone +sending presents." + +"He said such queer things," ventured Dosia, with a shy desire to talk +about him. "I did not know what to make of it at first." + +"Oh, nobody pays any attention to what Lawson says," said Lois +indifferently. + +Dosia longed to ask why, with an instant wave of resentment at this way +of speaking; a cloud seemed suddenly to have descended upon the +glittering possibilities of her future. She fixed her eyes on her +cousin, who sat in a high, slender chair, one arm gowned in yellow silk +thrown over the back of it, and her cheek upon her arm--her rich +coloring, the grace of her attitude, the sweep of her long black skirt, +made a deep impression on the mind of the little country girl, who +seemed slight and meager and insignificant to herself. And this other +woman had been loved--she had passed through all the experiences to +which Dosia looked forward. Was it that which gave her this charm thrown +over her like a gauzy veil? + +"What a beautiful waist you have on!" she exclaimed impulsively. "Yellow +is such a lovely color." + +"Do you think so?" said Lois. "This is an old thing that I mended to +wear because Justin always likes it. I do wish he'd come." She rose and +walked restlessly to the window. "I'm worried about him." + +"Yes," said Dosia, still looking, and pleased that the remark bore out +her fancy. But she wondered; married women in Balderville looked +different--the hot Southern sun had burned the color out of their +cheeks, and the gowns they mended were of cotton, not of yellow silk; +this fresh youthfulness and self-sufficiency both attracted and +repelled, it seemed so beyond her. Her heart bounded at the thought that +Aunt Theodosia had sent money for her clothes as well as for her music +lessons. + +She did not resist the second attempt to send her to bed, although +Justin was still absent. Lois had brought her all the things she needed +in the absence of her wrecked luggage, and kissed her good night with +tenderness, saying, "I hope you'll be very happy here, Dosia," and she +answered, "Thank you so much for having me." + +In spite of her helpless fatigue, she lay awake for a long time in her +tiny room. The brass bed, the polished floor with the crimson rug on it, +the dainty dressing-table, had all seemed charmingly luxurious and like +a book, but now that she was in darkness, she only saw vividly a pair of +sparkling eyes looking into hers, and caught the sound of a kind, +half-mocking voice. Every word of the conversation repeated itself again +to her excited mind; it was delightful to remember, because she had +acquitted herself so well; if she had replied stupidly she would have +died of vexation now. How clever he had been, and how really +considerate!--for she was glad to think that he had said foolish things +to her to keep her from breaking down. + +"Do I look like a person of whom you would approve?" + +"I haven't considered the subject." She flashed the answer back again, +and laughed, with her cheek glowing on the pillow. Why had Lois spoken +of him so strangely? She vainly strove to fathom the significance of the +words, which she resented, although they had coincided with an +instinctive feeling she had that he was not at all the kind of man she +would ever want to marry. She had already taken that provisionary leap +into a mythical future which is one of the perfunctory attitudes of +maidenhood. + +But who wanted to think of marrying now, anyway? That was something so +far off that it seemed like the end of all things to Dosia, who at +present only innocently desired plenty of emotions to live +upon--costlier living than she knew, poor child! The very instinct that +warned her against it added a heightened charm to the perilous pleasure. +And the other man--Mr. Sutton--had already sent her flowers! Oh, this +was life, life--the life she had read of and longed for, where dark eyes +looked at you and made you feel how interesting you were; where you +could have pretty clothes, and look like other people, and be brilliant +and witty and sought after. She blushed with pleasure and excitement. +Then she said a little prayer, with palm pressed to palm under the +covers, and the glamour faded away as a sweet and pure feeling welled up +from the clear depths of her heart. Her hand was once more held in +safety. In her drowsiness, it was as if she had lifted her soft cheek to +be kissed. + +To the eager inquiries of Lois, Justin answered that he had had his +dinner long before and wanted nothing. + +He asked if she and the children were all right,--his usual +question,--and she waited until he had dropped down in the arm-chair in +the sitting-room up-stairs, after changing his shoes for slippers, +before questioning him. Then she sat down by him and asked: + +"Well, how was it?" + +She spoke with eagerness, holding one of his hands in hers tenderly, +although it hung limp after the first strong, responsive clasp. + +"The fire was out before I got there." + +"Do they know how it started?" + +"Not yet." + +"Was the place burned much?" + +"No, not much." + +"Did it do any damage to the machinery?" + +"Some." + +Lois looked at him in despair. + +"Aren't you going to tell me _anything_?" + +"There really isn't anything to tell, dear." He strove to speak with +attention. "You know just about as much of it all as I do." + +"Oh, but I'm so sorry for you! Will it put you back any?" + +"I suppose so." + +"Oh, _dear_!" she moaned helplessly. "Isn't it too bad! If only you had +not been obliged to take that journey! Do you suppose it would have +happened if you had stayed at home?" + +"I really can't tell. The fire might have been discovered earlier; it +started at noon, when most of the clerks were out at lunch." + +"I see. But no one can hold you responsible." + +"I am responsible for everything. If you do not mind, Lois, I'll go to +bed. I'm tired; I didn't get any sleep last night." + +"Yes, of course." She smoothed his hair with her fingers in remorseful +tenderness, leaning against him, with her laces touching his cheek. +"Such a long, long, tiresome journey! It's such a pity you had to go." + +"Oh, well, I had to, and that's the end of it. Don't let's talk about it +any more. I hope that poor girl gets some sleep to-night; she needs it. +She can't hear us, can she?" + +"No. Didn't you think she was sweet?" + +"Yes, she seemed nice enough; she's pretty--a little stupid, perhaps." + +"Oh, poor Dosia!" said Lois, "stupid! I should think she might have +been, after all she had gone through. But then, you're so used to my +cleverness!" She looked up at him with provocative eyes, into which he +smiled faintly, in recognition of what was expected of him; then he +said, with a sudden appealing change of tone, "I'm _very_ tired, Lois." + +She kissed him good night tenderly, with magnanimous concession to his +unresponsiveness; there was no room for her in his thoughts to-night, +and she had been so longing to see him! But she would tell him all about +it to-morrow. + +Justin laid his head upon the pillow, but his eyes burned into the +darkness; there was a proud and bitter disappointment at his heart, even +while reason adjusted his losses to their proper place. Before him in +disagreeable force came the face of Leverich, and it was not the face of +a man to whom one would care to make excuse or from whom one would +challenge reproof; he could see the heavy jowl, the piercing eyes, the +half-pompous, half-shrewd expression of one who respected nothing but +success. This tangle up of the machinery, unusual and costly in its +parts and appointments--Heaven only knew what far-reaching complications +the delay of its repair might occasion! Justin had seen only too well in +others how a false step at the first may count. + +Whether or not Dosia and the typometer were united in their destinies, +they had at least one thing in common--they were both embarked upon +perilous ways. + + + + +CHAPTER SIX + + +Joseph Leverich, however, proved unexpectedly kind and sympathetic when +Justin approached him on the latter's return from the West. Justin had +written to him, and then had been incidentally reenforced by the +assistance of Mr. Angevin L. Cater. Bullen, the foreman, was versed in +practical knowledge of the machinery, and how to go to work about +repairs; different portions had to be sent for to all parts of the +country. Justin pored over catalogues, and checked off and figured, and +tried to find ready-made substitutes wherever he could for those they +ordinarily manufactured for the typometer. Here Cater, who had worked up +gradually into the manufacturing of his own machine, was of great use. + +"You never can find anything just as you want it," he conceded, +encouragingly, to Justin, "but you can whittle off here and there, and +make it do. I had to get along that way at first. You can manage pretty +well, only there isn't any real certainty to it. I got sort of +weary"--he pronounced it "weery"--"of sending for steel bars to fit, and +then getting a consignment of 'em just two sizes too large, with a +polite note saying that they were out of what I wanted, but thought it +was best, at any rate, to send me what they had. You don't want to buck +up against that kind of thing too often--not for your own good. So I +started up the machinery, and even that goes back on you sometimes." + +"Mine has," said Justin grimly. + +"Oh, I don't mean that way--it's in the way it turns out the stuff. You +get so cussed mi-nute nothing seems quite right to you. You get kinder +soured even on the material in the rough; the grain is wrong in this, +and that hasn't been worked sufficient, and that t'other weighs too +light." + +"How long do you guarantee the typometer for?" + +"For a year." + +"We stake out ours for two,--go you one better,--but it's all rot. You +can't guarantee nothin' in this world; I know that isn't grammar, but it +kinder seems to mean more'n if 'twas. You can't guarantee nothin', not +unless you could have the making of the raw material, and then you +couldn't. And you can't guarantee your workmen, especially when you have +to keep changing; I reckon human imperfection's got to step in +somewhere. Talk of skilled labor! That's what takes the blood out of a +man, the everlasting wrench of trying to get 'skilled labor' that is +skilled. Some of it is so loose-jawed it can't even chew straight." + +"You're a pessimist," said Justin, smiling. + +The other broke into a responsive grin. + +"Yes, I reckon that's so; but I don't even guarantee to be that, steady. +Sometimes I get kinder mushy and pleasant, and think the world ain't a +closed-up oyster,--Shakespeare,--but just nice soft cream-cheese that's +ready to be spooned up when you want it. Those are the sort of spells a +man's got to look out for, or he's likely to find himself up against the +rocks, without even an oyster-shell in sight." + +"That's a bad position," said Justin, and Cater nodded confirmatively. +After a moment he said: + +"Well, I'll guarantee _that_; I've been there." As he was going, he +asked: "How's Miss Dosia? Pretty well shook up, I suppose." + +"Oh, she's all right now," said Justin. "She's been resting for a couple +of days. You must come and see her; she will be glad to see a face from +home." + +"I reckon I'll wait awhile," said Cater, "till a face from home's more +of a novelty. She ain't hankering for a sight of mine now." And, indeed, +Dosia, on being informed of the prospect, showed no great enthusiasm. +Balderville and the people there were so far away in the past that she +had lost connection with them. + +And, after all, Leverich met Justin's explanation cordially. + +"Oh, you couldn't help a thing like that," he said. "Don't know yet how +the fire started, do they? Accidents are bound to occur when you least +look for them. The loss was fully covered, wasn't it?" + +"Oh, yes." + +"I'm glad the orders came in, anyway. Just bluff those fellows off a +bit--tell 'em you've got a lot more orders on and _they've_ got to wait; +that's the way to do it." + +"Oh, yes, I know that; the only thing I want is to be sure, myself, when +the orders can be filled. I'm trying to get the machinery at work as +soon as possible, and we're sending all over the country for what we +need. Cater--he's the manufacturer of the timoscript, across the street, +has told me of a place where they make small steel bars such as we use. +I've brought the catalogue with me. I sent for a consignment of them +yesterday; Bullen says they'll do." + +"Yes, that's all right," said Leverich. "Oh, you'll get along, you'll +get along! I knew you wouldn't sit down and wait until I came home to +get on your feet. Don't mind drawing on us for extra money if you need +it--and we want to get in for the export trade. What do you think of +this?" He took some papers out of his desk and began explaining them to +Justin, who listened attentively before making suggestions. His mind, +although not unusually quick, was singularly clear and comprehensive; he +brought to Leverich's aid, if not the intelligence of the expert, +something which is often harder to get, and which Leverich was +experienced enough to appreciate at its full value--the intelligence +which sees the matter from the standpoint of the big outer world, and +not only from the inner radius of a little circle. Justin's vision was +not, as yet, impeded by the technicalities and preconceived opinions +which often obstruct the fresh point of view even in very clever men +whose talent it is to see clearly. + +"We haven't made any mistake in getting you," he said to Justin, as they +parted. + +The belated fifty dollars were carried to Lois that night, with a +subdued joy in the glad provision of more to come. They were still to +live on as little as they could, but the idea of the limit stretched to +include those extra fives and tens whose expenditure was in the interest +of true economy. + +For a few days after her arrival Theodosia had kept her bed, in a +reaction from the strain of the journey that made her too weak to care +to do anything but lie in a half-drowsing and peaceful condition, +hearing the sound of the children's voices as if they were very far off. +Lois brought up the dainty meals herself, and talked the little talk +women use on such occasions, and at four o'clock each afternoon Zaidee +appeared with a tiny lacquered tray on which stood an egg-shell cup +filled with fragrant tea, and a biscuit, and watched Dosia, as she ate +and drank, with benignant satisfaction. The younger Reginald was still +afraid and was lured near her bedside only to rush off again; but with +Zaidee there was a loving comradeship. + +It was well that Dosia had even lost interest in Mr. Barr's call the +next afternoon, for he did not come, and afterwards she grew ashamed +that she had harbored the interest at all. Mr. Sutton, after sending +more flowers, had departed for Boston. + +But, after this convalescence, by the end of the week Dosia emerged, +eager, alert, with pink cheeks and gleaming eyes, having passed through +some subtle transformation, and bent on pleasure. She was rather silent, +indeed, except when carried away by sudden excitement, but she was +rapturously happy at the prospect of a concert and a card-party and a +large bazaar to be given soon; the concert and the bazaar were both for +charity, and she was already engaged to serve at the flower-booth in the +latter; there was to be dancing after the closing of both +entertainments. + +Clothes were the first requisite, after a definite arrangement had been +made to begin the music lessons in two weeks' time. Every little +preparation was a source of delight to Dosia, who thought Lois wonderful +as a designer and adapter of fashions suitable to her purse, and the +older woman threw herself into this work with a sort of fierce ardor. + +[Illustration: _Zaidee watched Dosia with benignant satisfaction_] + +Dosia had never seen so much ready money spent in her life, and had +never heard so much talk about it--why should she, in a place where no +one bought anything, where long-outstanding bills for tiny sums were +paid for mostly in lumber, or chickens, or cotton? Here the price of +daily living and clothing and amusements was one of the stock topics in +the intimate round of suburban dwellers. Women came to visit her cousin +Lois who at times made it their sole subject of conversation, +incidentally submitting the very garments they wore to appraisal, for +the pleasure of springing an unexpected price in her face like a +jack-in-the-box, at which she was to jump admiringly. Lois declaimed +against the habit, even while she sometimes fell a victim to it, and +Dosia found herself drawn into the same ways, after a delightful revel +in shopping for new clothes with Aunt Theodosia's money. The chief +requisite in any article bought was that it should look to be worth more +than was paid for it. + +What most impressed Dosia in the big city was, not the size of it, nor +the height of the buildings, nor the magnificence of the shops--she +accepted these wonders, indeed, with the provoking acquiescence which +dwellers in outlying sections of the country display when confronted +with the reality they have seen so often depicted. It was the crowd, the +rush of the people, the tense expression on the faces, that struck her +with amazement; everyone looked in grim haste to get somewhere, and +forged ahead untiringly with set and definite purpose, as if there were +not a minute to lose. Dosia had been used to sauntering aimlessly, and +to seeing everyone else saunter. There was no hurry at Balderville, +except in Northern people on their first arrival, and they soon lost it. +Dosia clung to Lois' arm on their first excursion, but the next time she +suddenly dropped the arm and forged ahead breathlessly, being caught, as +she was crossing a street, by a policeman just in time to escape being +run over by an electric car. When Lois came up to her, horrified and +indignant, the girl was laughing in wild exhilaration. + +"Oh, it's such fun!" she said. "I'm going to walk like the other people +after this; but I'll stop when I get to the crossings, so you needn't +mind." People turned around to look at the pretty girl with the hair +blown back from her face, standing still in the street and laughing. The +excitement was all part of the first intoxication of the new life. + +In the intervals of going to town, there were calls to be received, some +from married women, and some from young girls who were asked especially +to meet Dosia, and who expressed pleasure that she was to spend the +winter with them. She was asked to join a book club and a card club, and +to pour tea at the next meeting of the Junior Guild--proceedings that at +the first blush appeared radiantly festive. It was understood that she +was to be of the inner circle. + +When the other functions took place, Dosia was a success both at the +concert and the bazaar; a score of youths were introduced to her, with +whom she laughed and chatted and promenaded and danced; she danced every +time. The society of a new place is apt to appear extraordinarily +attractive until one begins to resolve it into its component parts, when +it is seen to differ but little from that one has hitherto known. Of +these dancing youths, Dosia was yet to realize that half of them were +younger even than she; some who seemed to take a great fancy for her +were the bores whom all the other girls got rid of, if possible; others +were just a little below the grade of real refinement; the really nice +fellows were not there at all, with the exception of a stray few, and +those who were attendant on their fiancees. Just at present the rhythm +of the music and the joy of motion were all in all to Dosia. Her honest +and artless pleasure shone so plainly from her face that for the moment +it was a compelling attraction in itself--for the moment, as neither +good looks, nor honesty, nor the artlessness of joy in one's own +pleasure, serve as a power of fascination: it takes a subtler quality, +combined of both sympathy and reserve--something always given, something +always withheld. + +This happiness of healthy youth, which as yet depended on no individual +note, could last but such a brief time! When she looked back upon it, it +seemed like a little sunny, transfigured place that somebody else had +lived in--the Dosia who was just glad. + +Lois watched her enjoyment, half preoccupied, yet smilingly, pleased +with the girl's prettiness and success. Dosia thought, "How kind she +is!" and yet, when another woman came to her and said, with warm +impulsiveness, "My dear child, it's a pleasure to look at you!" she felt +that she had now the one thing she had missed. + +She went to the last evening of the bazaar clad in a floating blue gown +that matched her eyes. The curve of her arms, bare to the elbow, the way +the tendrils of her hair fell across her forehead, her sudden dimpling +smile, the glad, unconscious motions of her beautiful youth, would have +made her, to those who loved, the personification of darling maidenhood, +with that haunting tinge of pathos which is the inheritance of the +woman-child. + +She sold more flowers than any other girl at the bazaar that night, and +there she met Mr. Sutton, who had, indeed, called upon her, but at a +time when she was out. This guaranteed man was rather short, stocky, and +common-place-looking, with a large, round, beardless face, and a long, +newly shaven upper lip. But his appearance made no difference; Dosia's +radiant happiness flowed over on him with impartial delight, and if she +sold many flowers, it was he who bought most of them, presenting them to +her again afterwards, so that one corner of the room was heaped up with +her spoils, and her arms were full of roses. She trailed around the +crowded room with him in her blue gown, as he had insisted on her advice +in buying, and received gifts of books and candy in the interests of +organized charity. It was like being in the Arabian Nights to have +inconsequent gifts showered upon one in this way, but she succeeded in +dissuading him from offering her a large green and pink flowered plaque +of local art, and was relieved when he gave it to the lady who had it +for sale. + +"A bachelor has use for so few things, Miss Linden," he said +apologetically. "Each lady makes me promise--weeks beforehand--to come +and buy from her especial table. If they would only have something I +_could_ want,"--he looked at her humorously,--"it would be easy enough +to keep my word. Why don't they ever sell things a man can use? But look +for yourself, Miss Linden--it's charity to help me out." He paused +irresolutely by a yellow-draped table. "Might you like some sewing-bags, +now, or this piece of linen with little holes in it, or any of +these--plush arrangements?" + +"No!" said Dosia, laughing and shaking her head, "I mightn't." + +"Or a doll, now?" He had strayed a step farther on. "Would you like a +doll for Mrs. Alexander's little girl, and some of these charming toys?" + +"Oh, how _lovely_ of you!" said Dosia, touched in the sweetest part of +her nature, and turning up to him a face of such childlike and fervent +gratitude that it was like a little rift of heavenly blue let in upon +the scene. George Sutton's seasoned heart gave an unexpected thump. He +was used to feeling susceptible to the presence of a pretty girl; it had +been his normal condition ever since he first grew up, when a girl had +been a forbidden distraction in an existence devoted to earning and +living on eight dollars a week; when he slept in the office, and studied +Spanish in a night class. He had given a dozen or more years of his life +to amassing a comfortable fortune before he felt himself at liberty to +give any time to society; he had always cherished an old-fashioned idea +that a man should be able to surround a woman with luxuries before +asking her to marry him, and now that he had money, it was no secret +that he was looking for a wife to share it. There was hardly a young +woman in the place who had not been the recipient of the ardor of his +glances, as well as of more substantial tokens of his regard; his +sentimental remarks had been confided by one girl to another. But +further than this, much as he desired marriage, George had not gone. +Susceptibility has this drawback: it is hard to concentrate it +permanently on one person. George Sutton's heart performed the pleasing +miracle of always burning, yet never being consumed. Under all his +amatory sentiment was the cool streak of common sense that showed so +strongly in his business relations, and kept him from committing himself +to the permanent selection of a partner who might prove, after all, to +have no real fitness for the part. He was fond of saying that he had +never made a bad bargain. + +Dosia's grateful and sympathetic eyes raised to his opened up a sweet +vista of domestic joys. She did not notice his growing silence as she +gayly accepted the engines and dolls and sail-boats that he bought for +the young Alexanders. She insisted on carrying them herself to be +deposited near Lois, and then afterwards went off again with him, to be +fed on ices, and have chances taken for her in everything; she did not +notice that she was the recipient of his whole attention, although +everyone else smilingly observed it. Dosia was only filling up the time +until the dancing began. + +Then Mr. Sutton stood against the wall and watched her. He had not +learned to dance in the days of his youth, and heroic effort since had +been of no avail. He had, indeed, after humiliating and anguished +perseverance, succeeded in learning the correct mathematical movements +of the feet in the two-step and the waltz, and he knew how to turn, +without tuition; but to take the steps and turn as he did so he could +not have done to save his immortal soul. If the offering up of pigeons +or of lambs could have propitiated the gods who presided over the +Terpsichorean art, Mr. Sutton's domestic altars would have been reeking +with sacrifice. Girls never looked so beautiful to his susceptible heart +as when they were whirling past him to the inspiriting dance music. It +seemed really pathetic not to be able to do it too! He would have liked +in the present instance, in default of greater skill, to have symbolized +his lightness of heart by taking Dosia by her two hands and jumping up +and down the room with her, after a fashion he had practiced as a little +boy. + +It was at the end of the evening that Dosia saw Lawson Barr standing in +the doorway by one of the booths, with his overcoat on and his hat held +in his hand. He was not looking at her, but talking to another man. She +watched him under her eyelids, as she had done once before, and rather +wondered that she had thought him attractive; he looked thinner and +darker than she had thought, and more worn, and he had more than ever +the peculiar effect of being unlike other people--his overcoat hung +carelessly on him, and his necktie was prominent when almost all the +other young men were in evening dress. He gave somewhat the impression +of an Oriental in civilized clothing. She disclaimed to herself the fact +that he had lingered in her thought at all. + +He had been the subject of Lois' conversation on one of the afternoons +of Dosia's convalescence, and she had since heard him spoken of by +others, and always in the same tone. When she asked particularly about +him, she was met by the casual answer, "Oh, everybody knows what Lawson +is." He was liked, she found, to a certain extent, by everyone; but he +carried no weight, and there seemed to be social limitations which it +was an understood thing that he was not to pass. + +Seven or eight years before, he had come from the little country town of +his birth with a past such as places of the kind are too fatally apt to +fasten upon the boys who grow up in them. Witty, talented, good-hearted, +Heaven only knows to what terrible influences Lawson Barr's idle youth +had been subject; and nobody in his new home had cared to hear. Scandal +may be interesting, but one instinctively avoids filth. It was an +understood thing, when he first came to Woodside, that his +brother-in-law, Joseph Leverich, had lifted him out of "a scrape" in +response to the appeal of a weeping aunt, and had brought the boy back +with him to get him away from village temptations and substitute the +more bracing conditions of city life, where entertainment that was not +vicious could be had. + +The experiment had apparently worked well; in the eight years which +Lawson Barr had passed in Woodside, no one had anything bad to tell of +him. He was more inclined to the society of men than of women, and +shared the imputation of being fond of what is called "a good time"; but +he was never seen really under the influence of liquor. Shy in general +company at first, he became rather a favorite afterwards in a certain +way; he was fond of sports, and was very kind to women and children; he +was also witty and clever, and played entrancingly on the piano when he +was in the mood; he was one of those gifted people who can play, after +their own fashion, on any instrument. When he felt pleasantly inclined, +no one was more amiable; in another humor, he spoke to no one. He had +become engaged to a girl in good standing, after a summer flirtation. +The girl had come there on a visit, and the engagement lasted only until +her return and the revelation of his prospects to parental inspection. + +For Lawson never had any prospects--or, at least, they never solidly +materialized. He never kept his positions for more than a few months at +a time. There was always a different reason for this, more or less +unimportant on each occasion, but the fact remained the same. Strangers +whom he met invariably took a great interest in him, and, captivated by +his undoubted cleverness and charm, were enthusiastic in finding new +openings for him, ready to champion hotly his merits against that most +galling of all criticism, which consists in the simple statement of +adverse facts. + +"You will never be able to make anything out of him," was a sentence +which his relays of friends were sure to hand on to one another. + +One summer Lawson had come down so far as to keep the golf-grounds in +order--a position, however, which he filled in such a well-bred manner, +and with so many niceties of consideration for everyone's comfort, that +to have him around considerably enhanced the pleasures of the game, and +the players were sorry when he bought a commutation-ticket once more and +started going in to town mornings as one of them. + +Part of the time he boarded at a small hotel in the village, and part of +the time he stayed with the Leverichs; rumor said that Leverich +alternately turned him out or welcomed him, as he lost or renewed +patience, but the relations of the two men, as seen by outsiders, always +appeared to be friendly. + +Welcomed at the outset kindly by a society willing to forget the +youthful faults of the handsome, clever boy, and let him in on probation +to the outer edges of it, it was a singular fact that after all these +years of apparent respectability he had made no further progress. + +There are men who come out of crucial youthful experiences with a +certain inner purity untouched; with an added reverence for goodness, +and a strength of character all the greater for the sheer effort of +retrieval; whose eyes are forever ashamed when they look back on the +sins that were extraneous to the true nature, leaving it, save for the +painful scars, clean and whole. With poor Lawson there had been, +perhaps, some inherent flaw in which the poison lodged, to a +deterioration, however delicate, of the whole tissue. It is strange--or, +rather, it is not strange--that, in spite of respectability of life, +with nothing whatever that was tangible to contravene it, this should +have been thing each person is bound to make, irresponsive of what felt +of Lawson Barr. An individual impression is the one he does, and the +combined judgment of the members of an intelligent suburban community is +very keen as to character, no matter how it differs in regard to +actions. The standard of morality in such a section is high--it may +indulge occasionally in the witticisms and literature of a lower scale, +but in social relations the lesser order must go. "Shadiness" is +damning. Lawson was not exactly "shady," but he might be. No girl was +ever supposed to fall in love with him, and a young man who was seen too +intimately with him received a sort of reflected obloquy. Strangers whom +he impressed favorably always asked, as Dosia did, "Why, what has he +_done_?" And received the same reply Lois gave her: "Oh, nothing." + +"Isn't he--nice?" + +"Yes, nice enough, as far as that goes. He can't seem to make a living; +I don't know why--he's clever enough. There's really nothing against him +though, except that he was wild when he was a boy. I have heard that +when he goes away on trips he--drinks. But Justin wouldn't like me to +say it; he hates to have people talked about in this way. Still--it's +just as well that you should know all about him." + +"Oh, yes," said Dosia, in a tone personifying clear intelligence, yet in +reality mystified. She felt at once indignant at the imputations thrown +on Mr. Barr, and yet a little ashamed of having liked him, as something +in bad taste. + +As she saw him now in the doorway, she rather hoped that he wouldn't +come and speak to her at all; but the hope was vain, for, without +apparently seeing her, he made his way through the room, at the +cessation of the dance, and held out his ungloved hand for hers. + +It is in one of George MacDonald's stories that Curdie, the hero, tests +everyone he meets by a hand-clasp, which unconsciously reveals the true +nature to his magic sense; claws and paws and hoofs and the serpent's +writhe are plain to him. Since the walk in the darkness, Dosia +involuntarily tested the feeling of palm to palm by the hand that had +held hers then; the dreaming yet deep conviction was strong within her +that some day she would meet and recognize her helper by that remembered +touch, if in no other way. Mr. Barr's hand was smooth, with long +fingers, and a lingering, intimate clasp. Dosia drew hers away quickly, +with a flush on her cheek, and then felt, as she met his coolly +appraising eyes, that she had done something school-girlish and +ill-bred. + +"You did not come to see me, after all," she said, when the first +greeting was over, and could have bitten out her tongue for saying it. + +"I regretted very much not being able to," he replied, in a tone of +conventional politeness. "I went West the next day, and have only just +returned. You have been enjoying yourself, I hope?" + +"Oh, immensely," said Dosia, with exaggerated emphasis; "I couldn't have +had a better time, possibly." Her eyes roved toward the people in front +of them with studied inattention, although she was strangely conscious +in every tingling fiber of the presence of the man by her side. + +"You have been to town, I suppose?" he pursued. + +"Yes, indeed, several times." + +"Would you care to come out in the corridor and walk?" he asked +abruptly, as the music struck up again. "I'm not in evening dress, you +see; I only returned from my trip half an hour ago. Or would you prefer +to dance?" he added. + +"Oh, I prefer to dance!" said Dosia, with the first natural inflection +her voice had possessed in speaking to him. + +"Then I will ask you to excuse me. I see Billy Snow coming over for you. +Good night." + +"You are not going to leave _now_?" exclaimed Dosia, with disappointment +too quick to be concealed. + +"In a few moments; I may not see you again." He did not offer his hand +this time, but bowed and was gone. + +It was the last dance. Billy Snow, slim and young, was a good partner, +and Dosia's feet were light, yet, for the first time that evening, she +did not feel the buoyancy of dancing; the flavor of it was lost. As they +circled around the room, she saw that the booths were being dismantled +of their blue and crimson and yellow draperies, the decorations were +being torn from the walls, and cloaks and boxes routed out from under +the tables. The receivers of money were busily counting up the piles of +silver. A few children ran up and down at the end of the room, on the +smooth floor, unchecked, and a small boy lay asleep on a bench, while +his mother lamented her husband's prolonged absence to everyone who +passed. Each minute the crowd in the room thinned out more and more, +going out by twos and threes and fours, leaving fewer couples on the +floor and a scattered line of chaperons against the wall. But the +dancers who were left clung to their privilege. As the clock struck +twelve, and the musicians got up to leave, a cry of protest arose: + +"One more waltz--just one more! This is the best part of the evening. +Lawson--Lawson Barr, give us a waltz! Ah, no, don't say you're too +tired--play!" + +Young Billy Snow stood with his arm half withdrawn from Dosia's waist, +looking questioningly down at her. + +"I think I'd better go," she murmured uncertainly, loath to depart, yet +with a glance toward Lois, who, with Justin now standing beside her, was +plainly expectant of departure. Lois had had no dancing--yet she was +young, too. But at that moment the music struck up again--there was a +crash of chords, and then a strain, wildly sweet, to which Dosia found +herself gliding into motion ere she was aware. She knew before she +looked that Lawson Barr was at the piano. His intent face, bent upon the +keys, seemed remote and sad. + +The big room was nearly empty. One of the high windows had been opened +for air, revealing the shining of the stars far up above in the +bluish-black sky; below it a heap of tall white chrysanthemums stood +massed to be taken away. There were barely a dozen couples on the +polished floor. These had caught the white fire of a dance played as +Dosia had never heard one played before; there was a wild swing to it +that got into the blood and made the pulses leap in unison. The dancers +flew by on swift and swifter feet, with paling cheeks and gleaming eyes. +Dosia was dancing with Billy Snow, it was his arm around her on which +she leaned, but to her intense imagining it was with Lawson Barr that +she whirled, with closed eyes, on a rushing and delicious air that swept +them past the tinkling shivers of icy falls into a white, white garden +of moon-flowers, with the silver stars above. From the flowers to the +stars she swung in that long, entrancing strain--from the flowers to the +stars! From the stars--ah, whither went that flight of ecstasy--this +endless, undulating, dreaming whirl? Down to the flowers again now--back +to the stars; beyond, beyond--oh, whither? + +A chord, sharp and strong, rent the music into silence. It brought Dosia +to the earth, awake and trembling, with parted lips and panting breath. +But her eyes had the wonder still in them, her face the whiteness of the +flowers, as, with head thrown back, her bright loosened hair touching +the blue of her gown, the trailing folds of which had slipped unnoticed +from her hand, she walked across the floor with Billy. Her loveliness, +as she smiled, brought a pang to the woman-soul of Lois, it was so +plainly of the evanescent moment; she felt that it was filched from the +future possession of some dearest lover, who could never know his loss. + +"I hope I haven't let you stay too long, Dosia," she said practically, +and Justin hurried her into her wraps, after she had given Billy the +rose he asked for. Everybody was leaving at once in couples, laughing +and chattering, with the lights turned out behind them as they went. + +The last thing which Dosia saw as she left the hall with Justin and Lois +was a side view of Lawson Barr going down the stone steps, carrying in +his arms the child who had fallen asleep on one of the benches. The +light head rested on his shoulder, and the long black-stockinged legs +hung down over his arm. Beside him walked the mother, voluble in thanks, +with the child's cap in her hand. + + + + +CHAPTER SEVEN + + +Mr. William Snow was at present in that preparatory stage of existence +known locally as "going to Stevens'"; in other words, he was a daily +attendant at the institute of that name, situate on the heights of +Hoboken, in the State of New Jersey, and was destined to become one of +that army of young electricians who, in point of numbers, threaten to +over-run the earth. He wended his way to the college by train each +morning as far as the terminus, from thence taking the convenient +trolley. His arms were always full of books, from which he studied +fitfully as he journeyed. + +Mr. Snow was slim and tall, being, in fact, as his mother and sisters +admiringly noted, six feet one, with long legs, narrow shoulders, and a +small round face of such an open, infantile character that his mother +often averred that it had changed in nothing since his babyhood, and +that a frilled cap framing his chubby visage would produce the same +effect as at that early stage. His name seemed to typify the purity of +his nature, as seen through this countenance so fair and fresh, so +blue-eyed and guileless, accentuated by the curls of light hair upon his +round white forehead. Mrs. Snow was wont to discourse upon her William's +ingenuousness and his freedom from the usual faults of youth in a way +that sometimes taxed the gravity of the listener, for, in point of fact, +Billy was a young scapegrace whose existence ever since he was in short +clothes had been devoted to mischief and levity as much as the limits of +circumstance would allow. No one could tell how he had suffered from his +mother's exalted belief in him. She had forbidden him to play with +naughty boys whose mischievous pranks he had himself instigated; she had +accompanied him to school to point with tense indignation at the +injuries he had received from stones thrown by playmates at whom he had +had the first convincing "shy"; she had complained untiringly to parents +by letter, by his sisters, and by interview, of indignities offered to +the clothing and the person of her unoffending son. If Billy hadn't been +the whole-souled and genial boy that he was, he would have been made an +outlaw and an object of derision among his kind, but it was an +understood thing that, far from being responsible for his mother's +attitude, he writhed under it with an extorted obedience. A certain +loyalty to his parent, and also the tongue-tied position of youth toward +authority, made it impossible for him fully to state to her how far +below her estimate of him he really was; he bore it, instead, with the +meekness of an only son whose mother was a widow. + +The fact that he was a born lover and had been intermittently +experiencing the tender passion since the age of seven, she regarded +only as an additional proof of his gentle disposition. She would have +liked him to be always in the society of girls instead of those rude +boys. + +With added years Billy's outward demeanor had changed in his daily +journey toward education. He no longer had scrimmages in the train with +school-fellows, in which books of tuition served as weapons of warfare; +he no longer harried the brakeman or climbed outside on the ferry-boat, +or was chided for outrageous noisiness by long-suffering commuters. But +the happy expression of his countenance was usually such a fixture that +its marked absence attracted the attention of his fellow-passengers one +day in the latter part of January. His face was gloomy and averted; he +would not talk. To cheerful questions as to what had disagreed with him, +or whether he was "up against it again" at Stevens, his replies were +unexpectedly brief, and evinced his desire to be let entirely alone. The +change had, in truth, come over him since entering the car, and was +caused by the sight of two figures in a seat ahead of him. + +The figures were those of a man and a girl, and their conversation had a +peculiar air of absorption which seemed to make them alone together in +the crowd. Billy could see only the backs of this couple, save when one +turned a little sideways to the other, and the round curve of a cheek +and a fluff of fair hair became visible, or the bend of an aquiline nose +and a dark mustache--the nose and the mustache turned sideways much +oftener than the fairer profile. Once or twice Billy caught sight of a +pink throat and ear; on such occasions the girl bent her head and +fingered nervously at a music-roll she held upright in her hand, and +Billy swore under his breath. + +When the train had rolled into the station, he went with the other +passengers as far as the door of the ferry-house to see--yes, they were +going over the same ferry together, he still bending toward her as they +walked, she with a charming, shy hesitancy in her manner, as of one +unaccustomed to her position. Bill said bitterly, "The gall of him!" and +walked away to the humiliating trolley which showed that he was still +"going to Stevens'." If he had been out of bondage, he would have been +quick to follow and take his place on the other side of the girl, and +show to all men that she was not making one of an intimate duet. + +It was after this that his mother noticed that on certain days his +accustomed spirits flagged. Her keen ear detected that he no longer +whistled cheerily all the time he was dressing, but only when he heard +her foot upon the stairs; and although he still chaffed his admiring +sisters at dinner, there was a bitter and realistic strain in the +jesting that made them all sure that Willie could not feel well. He +found fault with his food, also a thing unprecedented. His mother +brought him pills which he refused to take, towering above her--she was +a little woman--tense and aloof. When she taxed him with having +something on his mind, he admitted it at once, in a tone that bade her +go no further. + +"It is nothing to do with myself," he conceded, with the spirit of a man +looking at her from his baby-blue eyes. The woman in her bowed to it as +she went down-stairs, with pride in him rampant in her heart, to deliver +her report to the two sisters waiting below. + +The Snow family had been settled in the town from its beginning as a +suburb, some thirty years back; Mr. Snow having died--after losing money +largely on his real-estate investments there--twelve years later, when +Billy was an infant, leaving many unproductive tracts of land with large +taxes appertaining to them. The Snows knew everybody in the place, rich +and poor, and were consequently regarded somewhat in the light of a +directory; the woman by the day, the cheap dressmaker, and the handy man +or boy could always be achieved by applying to them, for they had an +invariable acquaintance with respectable persons temporarily forced into +filling these positions. They themselves, while adding to their own +finances in various ways, neither concealed nor obtruded the fact; their +affairs could interest no one but themselves. They lived in a very small +old-fashioned white frame house with a narrow entrance-hall nearly level +with the street; and the little low-ceiled parlor and sitting-room, with +their narrow doorways and slightly uneven floors, were crowded with +large mahogany and walnut furniture and bedecked with the birthday and +Christmas gifts of the family for the last thirty years, from the +cherry-stone basket once carved by Father to the ornamental hanging +calendar of the past season. In the autumn the ladies potted plants with +such accumulative energy that the rooms became more and more a jungle of +damp pots and tubs, topped by overflowing showers and spikes and flat +blobs of green. Only the family knew exactly where to sit without +encroaching perilously on these; Billy's friends always dropped first +into a certain chair and rocked into a dangling mass of Wandering Jew on +the marble-topped table behind. + +The Snows had the recognized position in society of being Asked to +Everything. When they went to entertainments, it was in the dark, quiet +garments of every-day life, or the one often remodeled state robe +belonging to each, irrespective of what other people wore. Their +circumstances and their birth were too well known to need pretense. + +Ada, the second daughter, taught in a school. She was twenty-seven, tall +like her brother, and with a fair, babyish face like his. It seems to be +the rule in the pages of fiction, even at the present day, to depict +unmarried women of this age as both feeling and looking no longer +young--as a matter of fact, a girl of twenty-seven is rarely +distinguishable from one of twenty-three, and is often more attractive. +Ada Snow had been, besides, one of those immature young persons who grow +up late, and become graceful and natural in society only after long +custom; at twenty, shy and awkward, she had usually been mistaken for +sixteen. She was her brother's favorite, secretly aiding and abetting +him in many evasions of the maternal law; she tied his cravats for him +now, and got up little suppers for him, and he posed as her elder, in +view of his height and large experience. + +The other sister, Bertha, was a delicate and much older woman, +dark-haired, lined and sallow, given to intermittent nerve-prostrations +and neuralgia, yet keeping a certain sanity and strength of mind hidden +beneath an accumulation of small interests. She seldom went out, but sat +by a window in the sitting-room all day, screened by the steaming +plants, embroidering on linen, and keeping tally of the persons who went +up and down the street, the number of oranges bought out of a cart, and +the frequency of the meetings of two servants over a boundary +fence--incidents of note in themselves without further connection. She +seemed almost inconceivably petty in conversation and idea, but if one +were strong enough to speak only to the truth that was in her, she could +answer. She was honest and she was loyal; she knew a friend. She had +worked hard for her mother in her early youth--that little mother who +now looked almost younger than she, as she came into the room from her +interview with William, and sat down by her daughter to say, in a tone +of the mother who believes no secret is hid from her: "William won't +tell me what's the matter, but I know it's something to do with that +girl at the Alexanders'. Willie is growing up so fast!" + +"Oh, yes, if you mean Miss Linden," said Miss Bertha, in comfortable +corroboration. "That's been going on for some weeks." + +"Yes, I know; but he acts differently this time. Perhaps she's snubbed +him in some way." + +"No, he was there the other night, and he is to take her skating +Saturday. I saw the note open on his bureau. Maybe, after all, it's just +being in love that upsets him." + +"Yes, I really think that's all." + +Miss Bertha put her work down on her lap, and smoothed it out with +slender, nervous fingers, before rolling it up in a thin white cloth. +The daylight was beginning to go. + +"He's got a rose she gave him,--never mind how I know,--and he keeps it +wrapped up in tissue"--she pronounced it "tisher"--"paper in his +waistcoat pocket. He leaves it in there sometimes when he changes his +clothes. And Ada says--you know that picture in the magazine that we all +said looked so like Miss Linden? He's got it in a little frame. Ada says +that it tumbles out from underneath his pillow once in a while when +she's taking the covers off; I suppose the child puts it there at night +and forgets it in the morning. Ada just slips it half-way back again +when she makes up the bed, as if she'd overlooked it. He never says +anything, and of course she doesn't, either." + +"I hope the girl will not take his attentions seriously," said the +mother, alarmed. She had known all this before, but it was a fashion of +the family to talk over and over what they already knew. "I _hope_ she +will not take him seriously." + +"Mother! They're both so young." Ada, who had been leaning forward with +her face in her hands and her chin upturned at a statuesque angle, spoke +for the first time. + +"Oh, that's very well!" Mrs. Snow tossed her head as one with +experience. "He is, of course, nothing but a mere boy at nineteen, but a +girl of twenty is years older. When a girl is twenty, she goes in +society with women of _any_ age. I was married myself at eighteen--not +that I should wish either of my daughters to do so." + +"Well, you can feel safe about that, mother," interpolated Ada. + +"William is very attractive, dear boy, and I could not blame any girl +for being somewhat captivated by him; I should be sorry if Miss Linden +allowed her affections to be engaged. She may not know that his career +is mapped out before him. William will not be in a position to marry +before he is thirty-six. William is----" + +"The people are coming from the train," interposed Miss Bertha, waving +back one thin hand to stop her mother's discourse--which she could have +repeated backward--and scanning the hurrying file in the dusk across the +street. + +"Now you can tell how long the days are getting. Ada, come here. Mrs. +Leverich has on her new furs--the ones her husband gave her. Don't they +make her look stout? There are the Brentons, I think that's a bag of +coffee he's carrying. He has a long, narrow package, too, with square +ends--perhaps _she's_ been buying corsets; if not, it must be a bottle +of whisky. And there--who is that? Oh, I thought it was Mr. Alexander in +a new coat; of course it's too early for him--they say he's been making +money hand over hand lately. And here comes--why it's George Sutton! +Ada, Ada, bow! he's looking. He sees us waving--ah!" + +There was a pause, in which an interested flush appeared on the cheeks +of both sisters. + +The mother murmured apprehensively, "They say _he_ is devoted to Miss +Linden," but neither answered. Ada had benefited, like the other girls, +by his attentions, she had been given candy and flowers and made one in +his theater-parties, but it was the secret conviction of all three women +that all his general attentions were simply a cloak for his real +devotion to Ada. The others were just a circle--she was the particular +one; and Heaven only knows how many girls in this circle shared the same +conviction. His smile and nod now seemed to speak of an intimacy that +blotted out all his preference for Miss Linden. + +"You had better pull down the shade now," said Mrs. Snow, after a few +minutes. "It's time to light the lamp." + +"No, wait a moment--there's another train in." Miss Bertha's eyes +pierced the gloom. "The Carpenter boys, those new people in the Farley +house, and that's all. No, there's somebody 'way behind--I declare, it's +Miss Linden! She's ever so much more stylish-looking than she was at +first. I wonder she didn't come on the train ahead. Who can that be with +her? Why--" there was a pause. "I suppose he must have just happened to +get off with her at the station," said Miss Bertha in an altered voice. + +"Oh, yes; I'm sure that's it," said Ada. + + + + +CHAPTER EIGHT + + +"What is all this that I hear about Dosia and Lawson Barr?" asked Justin +abruptly, one evening when he and his wife were at home alone together, +a rather unusual occurrence now. Either he was out, or there was +company, or Dosia was sitting with them by the table on which stood the +reading-lamp. Just now she was staying overnight with Miss Torrington, +at the other end of the town, "across the track," practicing for a +concert. + +Justin had dropped his collar-button that morning in the process of +dressing, and the small incident was productive of unforeseen results. +The hunt for it had delayed him to a later train and a seat by Billy +Snow. + +"What is this I hear about Dosia and Lawson Barr? They say she has been +going in with him on the express nearly every morning this month. She +may have been coming out with him, too, for all I know." + +"Who says so?" asked Lois, startled, but contemptuous. + +"Billy, for one." + +"I do not see what business it is of his." + +"That hasn't anything to do with it, Lois. As a matter of fact, the boy +wouldn't have told me at all if I hadn't happened to sit with him +to-day; he's heard plenty of remarks on it, though, and he's cut up +about it. They sat in front of us, some seats down, entirely oblivious +of everybody; it might have been their private car. It gave me a start, +I can tell you, when Billy said it was not the first time. Has she said +anything to you about it?" + +"Yes, I think she has mentioned once or twice that she had seen him on +the train; I know he brought her home one afternoon when she was late. +But I haven't paid any particular attention; and, after all, there's no +harm in it." + +"Oh, no; there's no _harm_, if you put it that way--only she mustn't do +it. You know what I mean, Lois. Dosia ought not to want to be with him." + +"I suppose he comes and talks to her, and she doesn't know how to stop +him." + +"Perhaps." + +"And you sent her out in his care that first night," said Lois. She felt +unbelieving and combative; Lawson was so unattractive to her that she +could not conceive of his being otherwise to any girl. + +"Of course; and I would do so again under the same circumstances--that +was an emergency. But that's very different from making a practice of +it. You must tell Dosia, as long as she can't see it herself. Let her +get her lesson changed to another hour and that will settle the thing. +Does she see much of Barr at other places?" + +"No more than anybody else does; of course, he is more or less around. +But she knows _just_ what he is like, Justin; I told her all about him +the first thing, and she hears it from everybody. I am sure you are +mistaken about her liking his society, she told me once that it always +made her uncomfortable when he was near her. I really don't think you +need be afraid of anything serious." + +"All right, then. Probably a hint will be sufficient; but don't forget +to give it, Lois. She is very much of a child in some things." + +"Yes, she is," said Lois, resignedly. + +This having Dosia with them had turned into one of those burdens which +people sometimes ignorantly assume under a rose-colored impulse. It had +seemed that it must be necessarily a charming thing to have a young girl +in the house. But to have a young girl who was always practicing on the +piano, to the derangement of Reginald's sleep or to the inconvenience of +visitors in the little drawing-room, one who had to be specially +considered in every plan, and whose presence took away all privacy from +Lois' daily companionship with Justin, was a doubtful pleasure. Even +this rainy evening with Justin and herself cozily placed together was, +after all, not hers, but invaded, if not with the presence, at least +with the disturbing thought of Dosia. + +There were all the little grievances which sound so infinitesimal, and +yet count up to so much when sympathy is lacking. Dosia had lived in a +Southern atmosphere and in a home which had no regular rule. She +invariably wanted to play with the children at the wrong time, and yet +perhaps did not always offer to take care of them when it would have +been a help. If Lois was busy when Justin came home at night, she would +invariably find afterwards that Dosia had swiftly poured into his +ears--in nervous loquacity at being alone with him--all the domestic +happenings of the day, so that every remark that Lois made was answered +by a "Yes; Dosia has already told me." These slight threads, which Lois +had treasured up from which to spin a little web of interest for her +beloved, would thus be broken off short. Dosia also had a fashion of +ensconcing herself unthinkingly in Justin's particular seat by the lamp, +in which case he sat patiently and uncomfortably in an attitude out of +the radius, or else went up-stairs to the untidy sitting-room to read by +himself, leaving Lois, with her teeth on edge, to keep company perforce +with Dosia, to whom he would not allow Lois to make protest, avowing +that he was not inconvenienced at all. He had an unvarying kindness and +sense of justice regarding the girl. But the family was like the bicycle +of concert-hall fame, built for two, and this third person jarred its +running qualities out of gear. + +It was the night after Justin's charge to her that Lois nerved herself +to broach the subject of Lawson to Dosia, who was copying some music by +the table. Both her hair and her dress were arranged with a little new +touch of elegance, but there was a droop to the corners of her mouth +that had not been there before--a suggestion of hardness or melancholy +or defiance, it would have been difficult to say which. + +Justin was getting ready to go out, and Lois could hear his footsteps as +he walked up and down above. She hated to begin, and her very reluctance +gave a chill tone to her voice as she said temporizingly, "Dosia, please +don't keep Reginald out so late again as you did this afternoon. It is +too cold." + +"We only went to the post-office; he said he was warm." + +Dosia, who had generously curtailed her practicing to take the mother's +place, felt ill-used. + +"I know; but it was too late for him. His feet were as cold as ice. I am +_so_ afraid of croup." + +"I'm sorry," said Dosia, in a low voice. "I won't do it again." + +"Well, never mind that now." Lois hesitated, and then took the plunge: +"I want to speak to you about Lawson Barr, Dosia." + +Dosia's color, which came and went so prettily when she spoke, always +left her when she was really moved, or at the times when girls +ordinarily blush. She turned pale now and her eyes became defiant, but +she did not answer. + +The other stumbled along, sorry and ashamed, as if she were the culprit: + +"People have been commenting--I hear that he has been with you a great +deal lately." + +"Where?" The girl's voice was hard. + +"On the train." + +"He went in to town with me twice last week, and twice the week +before--yes, and yesterday. And he came out with me once." She counted +out the times as if they were a contravention. "I don't see how I am +going to help it if people speak to me, I can't _tell_ them to go away. +_I_ don't want him to do it! Mr. Sutton took me over the ferry one day; +was that commented on, too?" + +There was a passion of tears in her voice, called forth by outraged +modesty--and there is no modesty that feels itself more outraged than +that of the girl who knows she has given some slight cause for reproof. + +"Dosia, be reasonable," said Lois, annoyed that her talk was being made +so hard for her. "I know it's horrid to be 'spoken to,' but Justin is +very particular, and he feels that we are responsible for you. And, +besides, you wouldn't want it thought that you liked Lawson's society. I +am to go in to town with you to-morrow, and we will get the hour for +your lesson changed." She paused for some answer, but none came, and she +went on: "I told Justin that he need not worry, there was no danger of +your caring too much for _Lawson_! That's nonsense. Why, you know all +_about_ him, and just what he amounts to. But, of course, if you are +seen with him----" + +"You need not say any more. I never want to speak to him again!" said +Dosia, strangling. She swept her things from the table and rushed up to +her own room in a whirlwind of indignation and shame, scathed by the +imputation in Lois' tone. The bubble of her imagining of Lawson was +pricked for the moment by it; it is hard to idealize what another +despises. She felt herself as false to her own estimate of him as she +had hitherto been to the public one. + +She threw herself upon the bed face downward. Something that she had +been unconsciously dreading had come upon her--the notice of her little +world. Before it had been voiced to her by Lois she had persistently +considered herself unseen. She cried out now that there was no occasion +for her being "spoken to," yet she knew with a deep acknowledgment that +she had not been quite true to her highest instincts. + +The exquisitely sensitive perception which is an inherent part of +innocence was hers. The Dosia who at twelve could not be induced to +enter a room when a certain man was in it, because she "did not like the +way he _looked_ at her," had as unerring an instinct now as then; it was +an instinct so deep, so interwoven with every pulse of her nature, that +to deny it ever so little was a spiritual hurt. She could not have told +why certain subjects, certain joking expressions even, revolted her so +that she shrank from them involuntarily. She could not have told why she +knew there was something about Lawson different from the other men she +had been accustomed to. Dosia not only knew nothing of the practice of +evil, she knew nothing of life nor the laws of it; but it could never be +said of her that she did not know when right bordered on wrong. She +knew--and it would have been impossible for her not to have known--her +slightest deviation from that shining road which can only be followed by +white feet. Her first quick idea of Lawson as not the kind of man that +she would ever want to marry still held good. Back of all this was the +image of the true prince. + +There are people whose natures we always feel electrically, a sensation +which depends neither on liking nor on disliking, and which often +partakes of both. When we meet them there is always a slight shock, a +psychic tingling, a displacement of values, that makes us uncertain of +our pathway; the colors seen in this artificial light are different from +those seen by day. Barr affected Dosia thus. If he came into a room, she +knew it at once; dancing or walking or talking with others, she felt his +eyes upon her, disquieting her and making her conscious of his presence, +so that she could not get up or sit down naturally. When he was not +there, everything was flat and uninteresting in the withdrawal of this +exciting disquietude. If she met his remarks cleverly, it gave her a +delighted occupation for hours in recalling them; if she failed in +repartee, and was "thick" and school-girlish, her cheeks would burn and +the taste for life would leave her; she could hardly wait to see him +again to retrieve herself. She was not in love with Barr, she was not +even in love with love,--a fairly healthful process,--but she was in +love with the excitement of his presence. + +She had been shy of him at first, waiting for him to seek her. After the +night of the bazaar and that wondrous waltz, she had felt that he must +fly to speak to her at the nearest opportunity, and tell her that he had +played for her, and her alone; and in return she had longed to assure +him of her divining sympathy. But he did not come. She invented many +excuses for this, but it gave her a sharp disappointment of which he was +necessarily unconscious. As she met him casually at different +places,--with the old quizzical gleam in his eye, and that peculiar +manner,--his lightest word became fraught with deep meaning, over which +she pondered, refusing to believe that the world she lived in was +entirely of her own creation. In these last two months she had always an +undercurrent of thought for him, whether she was practicing or sewing, +or chaffing with Billy, or receiving the gallant but somewhat heavy +attentions of Mr. Sutton. With Lawson's avoidance of her had come a +childish, uncalculating' impulse to attract. Dosia had not told the +truth when she said that she could not help his speaking to her; she +knew very well the morning he would have passed her by in the train, as +usual, if her eyes had not met his. Barr never presumed,--he knew the +place allotted to him,--but he accepted permission. When he sat down by +her, she swiftly wished him away again; yet her heart beat under his +cool glance--a glance which seemed to read her every thought. These +interviews, in which the conversations were of the lightest, yet in +which she felt subtle intimations, were a delicious and stinging +pleasure, like eating ice. + +There had been a fitful burst of suburban gayety about Christmas-time +and after--a delightful flare that burned up red and glowing, only to +sink back gradually into the darkness of monotony. There was that fall +into a hum-drum condition of living, instigated by bad weather, which +shuts up each household into itself; the men were kept later down-town, +and the women had the usual influx of winter colds and minor maladies +which interfere with planned festivities. The younger sort had +engagements, individually and collectively, for "things in town," either +coming out on the last train or staying comfortably overnight with +friends. An assembly dance planned for Shrove Tuesday had fallen +through. + +The fairy glamour was already gone for Dosia. The personal note which +she had missed at first was everything, and she found it nowhere but in +Lawson. If she could have poured out her thoughts and feelings to +Lois,--"talked things over," girl-fashion,--if Lois had been her friend +and lover--But Lois had no room for her; Dosia had learned to feel all +the bitterness of the alien. And she was shy with the pleasant but +self-sufficient women whom she met socially, and who were so intimate +with one another; Dosia merely sat on the edge of conversations, so to +speak, and smiled. She could not learn this assured fluency. The very +children were hedged in from her by restrictions. To give up those +little incidental meetings with Lawson was to give up the one silver +string on which hung happiness, and yet--and yet--Dosia felt the sting +of Lois' matter-of-fact contempt for him; it lowered him indescribably. +All women look down upon a man who will allow himself to be despised. +She had cherished an ideal of him as a man lonely, misunderstood, +terribly handicapped by opinion, by his own nature even, and yet capable +of good and noble things. She had thought---- + +"Dosia?" + +"Well?" + +"Will you shut your door? The light streams down here and keeps Reginald +from going to sleep. He waked when you went up-stairs." + +Dosia rose and closed the door noiselessly; she would have liked to shut +it with a bang. It was a climax. There seemed to be nothing that she +could do in this house that was right! Her attitude had ceased to be +only that of an alien, it was that of an antagonist; but it was also +that of a lonely and unguarded child. + + + + +CHAPTER NINE + + +The closed door did not keep out the sounds below. Dosia could hear +Justin's voice upraised toward his only son, and Lois' pleading +"_Please_, Justin!" + +"Be quiet, Lois; I'll settle this. Go down-stairs." + +"I want dinky orter." The child's voice was high. + +"You have just had a drink of water; lie still." + +"Redge 'ants 'noder dinky orter." + +"Do you hear me? Lie still." + +"Let me take him, Justin; I'm sure he isn't well. I----" + +Dosia could hear her step getting fainter in the distance, and could +imagine the look from Justin that had commanded her obedience. There was +a definite masculine authority about him before which, on those rare +occasions when he chose to exert it, every woman-soul in the house bowed +down with the curious submission inherited from barbaric ages. Only the +son and heir rebelled openly, with a firmness caught from the same +blood. + +It took a hard tussle to conquer Redge. The mother down-stairs, +vibrating with sympathy for her child, could not understand Justin's +attitude, or why he was so much more severe with the boy than he had +ever been with Zaidee. + +Zaidee was his little, gentle girl, his dainty, delicate princess, +toward whom his attitude must be always that of tenderness and chivalry. +But the boy was different. Civilized man still usually lives in the +outward semblance of a harem, in a household with a large predominance +of women. Justin had a fierce pride in the boy, the one human creature +in the house of the same nature as himself. They two, they two! And he +knew the nature; there was no need of any pretense or fooling about it. +His "Lie still, you rascal, or I'll make you," voiced in its sternness +an even deeper sentiment than he had for Zaidee. + +Something of this hardness was still in his manner when he came down +once more, after reducing the child to quiet, and leaned over his wife +to kiss her good-by. + +"Are you going out again?" Her voice had a dull patience in it and her +eyes refused to meet his. + +"Yes; did you want me for anything special?" + +He stood, half irresolute, hat in hand. His clear, fair skin and blue +eyes showed off to advantage, in the estimation of his wife, set off by +his luxuriously lined overcoat. It was a new one; he had lately, at +Lois' insistence, gone to a more expensive tailor, and the richness of +the cloth and its very cut and finish exhaled an air of prosperity. +Nothing so betrays the status of the inner man as that outer garment. +Justin's discarded one had passed through every stage of decent +finesse--the turned-up coat-collar, the reversed closing, the relined +sleeves, the buttons sewed on daily at the breakfast-table by his wife +in the places from which the ineffectual threads of her workmanship +still dangled. This perfect and ample covering seemed in its plenitude +to make a new and opulent person of him. + +"No, of course I don't want you for anything special"--she spoke in a +monotone. "I only thought you were going to stay home." + +"I've got to go to Leverich's, and I want to speak to Selden about the +house first. I promised him I'd stop there." + +They had decided to take one of the houses that were building on the +hill, and Selden was the architect. + +"You have been out every night this week"--there was a suspicion of +tears in her voice. "I do so hate to be left alone." + +"You have Dosia." + +"Dosia! How would _you_ like to be left with Dosia? I can't make out +that girl. She gets more wooden every day, and if I speak to her she +looks as if she thought I was going to beat her. Oh, Justin, stay home +this evening--won't you, dear?" + +"I can't--I wish I could." He said the words mechanically, for he was +burning to get away to Leverich to talk over some matters. "I must be at +Selden's by half-past eight.' + +"It is only a quarter-past now--you can walk there in five minutes. Do +sit down for a moment. I don't get any chance to talk to you at all, and +you come home so late to dinner that you never see the children any +more--except to scold them, as you scolded Redge to-night." + +Lois was sitting under the rays of the lamp. She wore a scarlet gown and +held a piece of white embroidery in her lap. She seemed to absorb all +the light in the room, and to leave the rest of it dark by contrast--her +rosed cheeks, her white eyelids dropped over her work, the bronze waves +of her hair melted into the gloom of the background. She was beautiful, +but Justin did not care to look at her; it was even momentarily +repugnant to him to do so. He sat on the edge of his chair, tapping his +hat against it. She lacked the one thing that made a woman beautiful to +him; absorbed as he was in his own plans, his own life he felt a +loss---- + +Her remark about the children made him wince. He was a man who loved his +children, and he had not only been obliged to lose most of the sweetness +of their possession lately,--the sweetness that consists in watching the +unfolding, day by day, of the flower-petals of childhood,--but when he +had the rare chance of being in their society he could not enjoy it; a +hitherto unsuspected capriciousness and irritation laid the precious +moments waste. He could hear Zaidee's gentle little voice repeating her +mother's perfunctory extenuation: "Poor daddy's nervous; come away, +Redge!" + +"I hope you'll tell Mr. Selden that I must have a closet under the +stairs," said Lois suddenly. + +"He'll put one there if he can." + +"If he can! Justin, I spoke about it from the very first. I don't want +the house if he can't put the closet in. I----" + +"All right. I've got to go now." If he had cared to think about it, he +might have wondered why she wanted him to wait for such last words as +these. As the door closed behind him, she let her embroidery fall from +her fingers and listened to the last sound of his footsteps echoing far +into the frosty night. There was a firm directness in it as it carried +him from her. + +The overcoat had not belied its appearance as the harbinger of +prosperity and the forerunner of large expenditures--of which the house +on the hill was one. The typometer was having a boom, the orders for it +were phenomenal; the factory was working night and day. Even with the +principle of trying to be rigidly conservative in estimates, it was hard +not to count on an unvaried continuance of the miraculous; everybody +knows of instances when it has continued, or seemed to. In reality, +there is no such continuous miracle; a succession of adapted conditions +has to be keenly worked out to produce the effect of continuity. In a +sense, the Typometer Company was aware of this, and was consequently +assimilating gradually smaller ventures with the main one. + +The state of mind in which Justin had gone to take possession of the +factory that bright November morning was as different in graduation from +that present with him now as the single simply clear notes of the flute +are from the twanging strings and blended diversity of a whole +orchestra. Everything hinged on something else, and there was nothing +that did not hinge on money. Amid the immense daily complications of +enlarging the business was the nagging daily complication of keeping +enough of a balance in the bank in spite of the continual outgo. Money +came in lavishly at times, but the outgo had to be enormous; it was as +the essential bread upon the waters that insured its own return a +hundredfold. Materials can be bought with a leeway of credit, but +"hands" must be paid off on Saturday night; there had been one Saturday +when there had been what Leverich called "tall hustling" by him and +Martin and Alexander, before those hands could be paid. Justin had +thought of his backers as men of millions--with that easy, assured +confidence one has in regard to the superficially known; the millions +were in the concrete, solid and golden--a bottomless store in reserve. +He had gradually come to realize that the millions were a fluctuant +quality, running like quicksilver from side to side, here in one place, +there in another, as the various needs of corporations called them. Both +Martin and Leverich were past masters in the art of making a little +butter cover many slices of bread; to have to appropriate money to cover +an emergency was a daily expedient--the ability to do so ranked as a +part of one's assets. Lois could not understand why, when such large +sales were being made, there were not larger returns now; the "business" +seemed to swallow up everything, and more than all else her husband. To +his luminous, excited brain, the different phases of trade passed and +repassed as pictures in a lighted transparency, riveting an exhilarated +attention; all else was in blurred darkness and must wait until after +the show for recognition. He felt it inexpressibly tiresome and unkind +of Lois to wish to engross him, when he was laboring for her welfare and +the children's. + +Lois Alexander, who had a household to look after, servants to keep in +order, children to be attended to, who was subject to the claims of +social functions, clubs, friends, and affairs generally, was through +everything absorbed in her husband to a degree incredible to anyone but +a woman. His attitude toward her had come to occupy the substrata of her +thoughts morning, noon, and night. To have him leave with a shade less +of affection for her in the morning farewell left her with a sick +feeling throughout the day; everything done in those next hours was +merely to fill up the time until his return, that she might see then if +her exacting soul might be satisfied. Sometimes she reproached him +tearfully before he left, and then it was not only with a sick feeling +that she spent the day, but with an absolutely intolerant pain, because +she must wait until night to set herself right with him again. At those +times she could not derive any satisfaction even from her children--her +only refuge from weeping herself into a sick-headache was to go to town +and shop exhaustingly. One cannot well shed tears in the crowded +streets, or before a clerk who is showing one goods over a counter. But +when she went shopping too many days in succession the children showed +the effects of it in the lawlessness which creeps in in a mother's +absence. + +She could not understand why the morning reproach and the evening +retraction had grown alike unimportant to her husband; after the first +surprise and solicitude occasioned by this recurrent state, he had grown +to regard it as something to be borne with like any other normal +annoyance,--like fog, rain, or mosquitoes,--that measurably lessened the +joy of the day, but upon which no action of his had any bearing. A man +must have patience with his wife's complainings, and try always to +remember the delicacy of her bodily strength and the many calls upon it, +which made little things a grievance to her. He himself never +complained; complaint was in itself distasteful to him. + +Lois, left alone now, with Dosia up-stairs, felt herself relapsing into +the dark mood she dreaded, when there came the welcome sound of the +door-bell. A moment later the maid took up a card to Dosia on which was +inscribed the name of Mr. Angevin L. Cater. He was scrupulously attired +in an old "dress suit," the conventional lines of which, with the stiff +expanse of shirt-front, seemed to make his yellow angularity of feature +still more pronounced. He looked so oddly out of place in the little +drawing-room, where he sat talking to Lois, his long limbs tucked back +as far as possible under the small spindle-legged sofa, and one arm +stretched out embracingly over the green cushions at his side, and yet +he looked so oddly natural and homelike, too, that Dosia felt a swift +pleasure in his presence. At her entrance, he disentangled himself from +the sofa and stood up to take the two hands which she had extended to +him before she knew it, regarding her the while with admiring +earnestness. + +"Well, you are all right," he said, after the first greetings; "Miss +Dosia, you certainly are all right. If I was back in the South I'd say +just what I thought of you, but I'm afraid to up here; folks are too +careful about complimentin' for me. When I see a young lady like +you,--or like Mrs. Alexander, here,--" he rose and bowed gallantly, "I +want to get straight up and tell you just how handsome you look. There's +nothing so beautiful on God's earth to me as a beautiful woman--unless +it's a mother. A mother doesn't need to have a complexion if she's got +the mother spirit shinin' out of her. I had a mother once--a better +never lived. She's dead." + +"That is very sad," said Lois, in the pause that followed this +announcement, keeping back an almost irresistible smile. Both she and +Dosia felt the relief of light and impersonal conversation after painful +communing. + +"Yes, ma'am," said the visitor, sitting, as before, with his long legs +back under the little sofa and one long arm embracing the top of it. + +"How is your wife?" asked Dosia. "Have you seen her lately?" + +"I was home for a week around Christmas-time," answered Mr. Cater. "It's +sort of unsettling, though, to go home for a short period--at least, I +find it so. I don't know _as_ it pays, except as something to look +forward to before you've done it; there's a good deal in that. My wife +lives with her family; they have a right smart amount of trouble, and it +seems like it always saves up for a real spell when I get home." + +"I should think she would want to stay here with you," said Dosia. + +Mr. Cater cleared his throat apologetically. "Well, the fact is," he +conceded, "my wife's powerful fond of her family. There's nothing +against a woman being fond of her family." + +"Oh, no," said Lois. + +"No, ma'am. My wife's a mighty fine woman. If I'd had the luck to belong +to her family--but seems like I was made different; the Yankee side to +me crops up, I expect, when I ain't countin' on it. She did bring the +children and try livin' up here in a flat the first year I went into the +business, but it made her so pinin' she had to go back; she wasn't used +to the neighborhood. Women depend a good deal on the neighborhood. _You_ +know my wife, Miss Dosia. Her parents are gettin' sort of old and agin', +and she allowed that they needed her; and they kept on needin' her, I +reckon. Her brother Bob was jailed again on Christmas day for drawin' a +gun on one of the Groudys. It kind of broke her all up; he'd promised +her to quit. Her sister's husband, Jim Pierce, he'd lit out before. Now, +there's the other brother, Satterson--he's a mighty fine fellow, six +foot two in his stockin's, but he doesn't _do_ anything. Just drinks. My +wife she thinks the world and all of Satterson. I don't blame any woman +for being devoted to her family--shows heart." + +"Why, yes, I suppose so," said Dosia, staring at Mr. Cater, who wore an +inscrutable expression. She was wondering if this crew of unsavory +relations-in-law lived on Mr. Cater's earnings; she knew his wife as a +pretty, fretful woman with a discontented mouth. + +"After all, there isn't much in a man, when you get down to it, to +interest a woman," continued Mr. Cater impartially. "She wants him to +think of _her_; of co'se it's his business to. I had a sort of set idea +to begin on--but there's nothin' in life so wreckin' as a set idea; I've +found that out. You've got to keep your point of view on a swivel, and +turn it so's you can see to keep on your windin' way without runnin' +down your fellow-bein's--isn't that so? I don't blame any woman for +findin' out that a man doesn't always make up for home and mother--I +don't know that I always yearn for my own society." His inscrutable +expression changed to a smile. "I reckon you won't yearn for it, either, +if I go on talkin' in this way." + +"Oh, yes, I will," said Dosia, dimpling. "Did you see my father and +mother when you were in Balderville? How did they look?" + +"Why--about the same as usual," replied Mr. Cater delicately, with a +swift mental view of them passing before his eyes that instantly +materialized itself to Dosia. "I promised them I'd come and see you--and +meant to before this. It was through Miss Dosia's comin' here that I got +acquainted with your husband, Mrs. Alexander," he continued, turning to +Lois. "He's a mighty fine man. He and I, we're choppin' at the same log, +so to speak, only he's takin' side hacks at a lot more logs. I reckon +he's got a pretty good backin'?" + +"Oh, yes," affirmed Lois. + +"Yes, ma'am. Of course, he doesn't talk about it. I haven't seen Mr. +Alexander much for a couple of weeks; he's been busy and I've been +busy--we lunch at the same place sometimes. I know some of his +friends--Mr. Leverich for one--slightly in the way of business. Mr. +Martin--Mr. Martin's a man _nobody_ knows more'n slightly. You would not +think he was such a smart business man, would you? He's so sort of small +and feeble-looking, and has such a little lisping voice. But _I_ don't +care for any dealings with him; those little clawlike hands of his rake +in all they touch. Now you think I'm hard on him, don't you?" He +hesitated, and then went on, looking with a veiled shrewdness at Lois: +"Martin sort of reminds me of somethin' that happened with my two boys +when I was home at Christmas. They're little shavers, Mrs. Alexander, +right cute, too, if they are mine. Miss Dosia, here, she can tell you." + +"They are dear little fellows," said Dosia warmly. + +"They were going up-stairs to bed. I was behind 'em, and Angy--that's +the eldest, he's six--was stoppin' the way; so I says to him, 'What's +stoppin' you, son?' and he answers: 'Oh, I'm carryin' up Jim's cake and +my cake, and I'm eatin' _Jim's cake now_.' That's like Martin for all +the world--always carryin' somebody's cake for 'em, and swallowin' it on +the way. Well, doesn't it seem good to be lookin' at you again, Miss +Dosia! But I'm sorry Alexander isn't in, too." + +"Oh, I hope he'll come before you leave," returned Lois. It seemed a +foregone conclusion that he must, when it was discovered that the +nine-forty-five train back to town was then on the point of departure, +half a mile away, and the next did not leave until eleven-fifteen. There +was a genuineness about Mr. Cater which could not fail to win responsive +recognition, but the contemplation of an inexorably fixed time over +which conversation must be spread has an indescribably paralyzing effect +on spontaneity. Like many talkative people, Mr. Cater developed a way, +when you counted upon his garrulousness, of suddenly becoming silent. + +Lois busied herself in collecting the materials for refreshment, while +Dosia and he conversed laboriously and minutely about the denizens of +Balderville, to the third and fourth generation. The very word "home" +carried such suggested association that Dosia half forgot that it had +never been one for her, and that to leave its semblance had been a joy. + +When the little meal was ready, Lois manipulated the chafing-dish and +Dosia served. Mr. Cater moved to the little chair drawn up with the +others by the small mahogany table, and relaxed once more. + +"Well, this is comfort," he said, with a sort of wistful gratitude. +"I've been thinkin' 'twas pretty inconsiderate of me to miss that train, +but I'm sort of glad now that I did. When I see you two beautiful young +ladies takin' all this trouble for me--well, I just can't tell you how I +appreciate it; sort of warms me up inside." + +"You must get pretty lonely sometimes," said Lois kindly, with a sudden +sympathy for something in his tone. + +He nodded slowly. "Well, yes, I do; but I've quit thinkin' of it, as a +rule. I reckon I've got about as much as I deserve in this world, when +you come to sizin' things up. If you get to pityin' yourself, you slump; +you slump all _to_ pieces--ain't no mortal good to yourself nor anybody +else. I've found _that_ out." + +"You seem to find out a good many things," said Lois, with a twinge of +assent. + +"Well, yes, I do." His face relaxed in a pleased smile. "Keep addin' to +my collection daily; but it isn't cheap, no more than other +collectin'--costs money. Girard says--by the way, I never asked you if +you knew Girard, Bailey Girard; I met him to-night getting off the +train. I didn't know he was on it till then. Mrs. Alexander, this +rabbit's more'n good. I haven't had one like it since I was with Girard +last year." + +"No, I do not know anyone by that name," said Lois a little wearily. + +"Then you'd ought to; Miss Dosia, here, she'd ought to. He's a _man_. +Young, too, just the kind she'd like. He's related to the Wilmots, Judge +Wilmot's family; they lived down our way, Miss Dosia, before you came. +His folks were mighty fine people in the South, but they lost all their +money. Kind of wearin' to hear that, ain't it? I get tired of it myself. +I know a lot of splendid families who have lost all their money--or are +a-losin' it. It kind of tones me up now when I hear of anybody that's +risin' into the ranks of the solid rich; makes it seem sort of possible +to walk on somethin' that isn't a down grade." + +"How about Mr. Girard?" asked Dosia. + +"Oh, well, he's all right. He's on an up grade, if anybody ever +was--now. But I wouldn't want a boy of mine to go through what he has, +though it's made him what he is. His mother was left a widow after +they'd moved 'way out West. She was a delicate woman, and had a hard +time of it struggling along; most of her folks were dead, and I don't +know that she wrote to the rest of 'em. I don't know but what her mind +got sort of wanderin' when she fell sick. She died at a little town in +Indiana, on her way back East, and there wasn't anyone to look after the +child. He was bound out to a man on a farm; he was ten years old then, +and he stayed there till he was thirteen. The cussed hound used to beat +him with a strap, nights when he was in liquor. Many a time the poor +little chap, brought up tender by a lovin' mother, used to crawl into +the barn and hide in a corner of the hay near the dumb beasts and cry +his heart out till he got quiet. He told me once--Girard, he hardly ever +talks about himself, but this was a time when we were stalled in a +snow-storm--he told me that he supposed it was because of the Christmas +story you read in the Bible that he felt that if he could only get into +the barn in the hay by the dumb beasts he was a little nearer to _her_." + +"How did he get away?" asked Dosia. She longed pitifully to take the +boy's little hand and kiss it, and hold it against her cheek, although +the hurt had been over so long ago. + +"Oh, he lit out when he was about thirteen. He didn't tell me the whole +of it. He sold papers in New York, and went to night-school; and next he +went to college and rowed in the crew. He met up with some of his own +people, too. Then he was war correspondent in Cuba--I guess some of the +wounded know what he did for them. Later he went to South America on +some government business; he's a personal friend of the President. He's +young, too, not more'n twenty-eight. He's bound to get ahead at whatever +he sets himself to. But he's got an awful tender heart; I saw him nearly +kill a big Swede once that was wallopin' a sick horse. What you laughin' +at, Miss Dosia? I reckon we're all of us made two ways. Shucks! it isn't +_that_ time, is it?" He turned with startled amaze to look behind him at +the clock that was striking. + +"I'm afraid it is," affirmed Lois. + +"Then I've got to make tracks to catch that eleven-fifteen. 'Tisn't +manners to eat and run, I know, but--" He had risen and was swiftly +putting on his coat in the hall. "Thank you, Miss Dosia, I guess I can +get into this best by myself; I know where to humor the sleeve-linin'. +Is that my hat? Mrs. Alexander, I think a mighty lot of your +hospitality; I do _so_. I--" He was loping down the path already, his +long legs making preternatural shadows on the snow in the moonlight. +Dosia called after him mischievously, "You'd better wait until the +twelve-three," before she shut the door. The momentary rush of cold air +was as invigorating, as wholesome and clear in the atmosphere of the +lamp-lit, evening-heated room, as Mr. Cater's presence had been. + +She went to her room, leaving Lois down-stairs clearing away the remains +of the little supper, her offer of assistance having been refused. Lois +wished to be there alone when her husband came in, experience having +taught her that he was much more apt to be communicative at that time +than at any other. Fresh from a social experience, and feeling still the +interest of it, he would like to talk of it; by morning it would have +relapsed so deeply into his inner consciousness that it would take a +sort of conversational derrick on the part of his wife to bring up any +reminiscence whatever. + +He came in now, fresh, eager, and alert, pleased and surprised to find +traces of a convivial evening, when he had expected to be late. + +"Mr. Cater has been here," announced Lois, in explanation. + +"Cater! I'm sorry to have missed him." + +"He was very sorry you were not at home. He did not go until eleven, and +I was sure you would be in before that." + +"Well, I meant to be." + +"Yes; he was telling us so many things. Justin,"--something prompted her +against her will to say what had been rankling in her memory,--"he +thinks Mr. Martin is like a crab, and that he takes people in between +his claws and pinches them. I wish you'd be careful." + +Steel seemed swiftly to incase her husband. "He will not pinch me, at +all events," he said shortly. After a moment's pause he made an effort +to return to his former manner, but with an altered tone: + +"I'm sorry I was kept so late. I was some time consulting with Selden +about the house; you can have the closet. After that we were all talking +at Leverich's. He had a friend out there to-night, a fine young fellow, +extraordinarily interesting; he was giving us points on the South +American trade. He's going to be of great use to us, he goes down there +again in the spring. He's a fine-looking fellow, by the way, tall and +well set up; he reminds me of Brent, Lois--you remember him? The same +kind of bright, resolute face; only this man's browner." + +Conscious of a perverse irresponsiveness in his wife, Justin turned to +Dosia, who had slipped back into the room to look under the table and +chairs for a blue bow that had fallen from her hair. She stood now in +the doorway with it in her hand. + +"He came up from the South the same day you did last fall, Dosia, he was +in that wreck. It must have been a horrible thing." Justin broke off at +the retrospection of the narrative. + +"Yes," said Dosia in a whisper. She leaned against the door for support. + +"You were fortunate to get off so well." Absorbed in his own recital, +Justin did not observe her. "He was going from one car to another when +the train went off the trestle--I don't wonder you would never talk +about it, Dosia. He was able to help some of the survivors. There was a +poor young girl who was alone, like you--he didn't know what became of +her; he was ill himself in the hospital for two weeks afterwards. His +description of the whole thing was extraordinarily vivid." Justin was +now bolting windows and putting out lights as he talked. "You two girls +must go to bed at once; it's nearly twelve." + +"What was his name?" asked Dosia. + +"His name? Why, I thought I'd told you. His name's Girard--Bailey +Girard." + + + + +CHAPTER TEN + + +"Reginald has the measles." + +Lois made the announcement breathlessly, as she stood outside of the +drawing-room, addressing the visitors who sat on the sofa, talking to +Dosia. + +"The doctor has just gone, and he says it is the measles. I don't +suppose I had better come in the room." There was a tone of resentment +in her voice which seemed to originate in the idea of being excluded; in +reality, it was caused by the bitter thought that she had known for a +couple of days that Redge was not well, and that his father had been +exacting with him. "I really suppose I had better not come in." + +"Oh, don't mind me!" Mrs. Leverich, gorgeous in velvet and furs, spoke +reassuringly. "There are no children at our house, and I've had the +measles." + +"Of course, it's not scarlet fever," continued Lois, dropping into a +chair, "or diphtheria. I suppose Zaidee will get it, and we have to be +quarantined. I don't know what to do about you, Dosia." She was feeling +the fell blow of a contagious disease, which upsets every previously +stable condition. + +"I've had the measles," said the girl, but she added with quick anxiety: +"There are my lessons; do you suppose it will make any difference about +them? I don't see how I can lose them now, and there's that concert +Saturday." + +"If we're quarantined, you're quarantined," said Lois tersely. "If there +was _any_ place where you could go and stay----" + +"Mrs. Alexander, let her come to me," said Mrs. Leverich warmly. "I'd +love to have her; I _really_ would. She can keep up with her lessons and +engagements just the same then. You know, I'm always so happy when I can +have a young girl in the house; and as for Mr. Leverich, nothing pleases +him better. Go and pack your trunk at once, my dear, and we'll take it +on the carriage as we go back." + +Dosia looked hesitatingly at Lois. + +"Why--I do not know," said Lois, surprised, yet considering. + +"But _I_ do." Mrs. Leverich spoke with a cordial authority that, after a +little more conversation, settled the matter. + +Dosia packed up her belongings, with the sweet, wise little help of +Zaidee, who brought shoes and slippers from the closet and toilet +articles from the dressing-table, and in her efforts dropped the red +ribbon from her hair into the trunk, to her own great glee, amid fond, +swift huggings from Dosia. The latter arranged herself for this +transmigration with quick, excited fingers, yet there was something on +her mind. As she heard Lois on the floor below, she ran down to speak to +her, half dressed: "Lois, I hate to leave you here alone; I don't mind +being kept from things, really and truly. Let me stay and help you with +dear little Redge." For once her sympathy made her natural. + +"No, you had better go," said Lois. She had but one desire--to be left +at liberty at last with her own. She added, to avoid further pleading: + +"I would rather be alone." + +"Oh!" exclaimed Dosia, shrinking. But conscience had unexpectedly +claimed her, and she went on, hesitantly, with a painful timidity, her +color coming and going: + +"I wanted to ask--do you think I ought to go to Mrs. Leverich's, after +what you said? Won't Mr. Barr be there?" + +In the whole realm of the mother's mind there was no room for anything +at present but her measles-smitten household. She looked at Dosia as if +making an effort to understand. "Why, yes, I suppose he will be there. +Just don't have anything to do with him if you don't want to. You will +not need to; he is out of the house most of the time, anyway." + +"Oh, very well," assented Dosia, chilled and yet relieved. The blood of +youth was already running riot at the delightful prospect of another +change. But she slipped into the nursery to kiss poor little feverish +Redge good-by, and leaned out of the carriage that was driving her away +to wave her hand again and again to Zaidee, whose red cheeks and little +snub-nose were pressed close to the window-pane. + +Mrs. Leverich was a woman who was somewhat below par in birth and +education, devoid of certain finer instincts, and used to an overflow of +luxury in her daily living that amounted sometimes to vulgar display. To +balance this, she was still handsome, if somewhat too stout, and +hospitable to a superlative degree. "Staying company" was a necessity to +her happiness. She had an absolute passion for making other people +comfortable, and surrounded her guests with a kindness and forethought +so enveloping that it almost spoiled them for contact afterwards with a +rude world. She really possessed in this regard an unselfish +good-heartedness, mingled with a sort of vanity that was pleased with +applause at its manipulations; her own comfort was indifferent to her +beside the subtler and warmer pleasure of being the source of good to +others. It is no figure of speech to say that she was willing to do +anything to promote the welfare of her guests; it was no hardship to +give up her own way in their interests, or to do any act, however tiring +and distasteful, that gave pleasure to anyone. She hated cards, yet she +would play long, tedious games with beaming incompetence, to make up a +hand; she disliked the smell of tobacco, but was never satisfied until +every man around her was happily supplied with cigars or pipes. Music +was a jangle to her, and any book above the caliber of the fiction which +displays a low-necked authoress upon the cover a weariness indeed; but +she would labor unceasingly to place both music and literature within +the reach of her guests. She had windows opened when she herself was +chilly, and fires lighted when she was suffering with the heat; she took +long drives in the hot sun when she would have much preferred a nap; she +chaperoned girls uncomplainingly until five o'clock in the morning. The +least wish of a guest, spoken or divined, was gratified if within her +power. It is true that she had a retinue of servants at her command, +but, if necessary, she would have served her guests with her own hands, +and had been known to do so. There was only one drawback to her +hospitality--she welcomed, but did not speed the parting guest. It was +difficult indeed to leave without a pitched battle, and the effort of +temporary disunion was so great as sometimes to result in a permanent +rupture of friendship. Her "I see--you don't want to stay with us any +longer" voiced that injured feeling which blasts whatever it comes in +contact with, and which disclaimers serve only to heighten. Once away +from her, her interest in the former guest ceased almost entirely, no +matter how close the association had been under her roof; outside of it +everyone was lost in a haze which called for a distinct and wearying +effort, seldom undertaken, to penetrate. + +In appearance she was on the Oriental type of her half-brother, Lawson +Barr, but with a softness, both of expression and contour, which he did +not possess. She was ten years older than he. Her motions and the tone +of her voice were languid. Her husband--who enjoyed the benefits of +being the chief and permanent guest in this household--was extremely +fond of her, and proud of her beauty and popularity. Leverich was one of +those coarse-seeming and coarse-acting men who, nevertheless, come of a +race of gentlefolk, and who have innately, and no matter how much they +may choose to overlay the fact, certain traditions. He had been known to +say, in rebuttal of some criticism on his wife's breeding, what was +quite true--that she was good enough for _him_; but he had, underneath, +a little contempt for her because she was. It was one of the traditions +that a man should find a quality in his wife to revere. + +Leverich liked to surround his wife with luxuries, to give her +everything that money could buy and that her gently sensuous temperament +craved. Her attachment was riveted to him by gifts of clothing and +jewelry and bric-a-brac as well as money--such things being to her the +only tangible evidences of affection. Dosia had hitherto seen the house +only as a caller. She was impressed now by the richness of the +furnishings above, as she was led up to her room, a large, many-windowed +apartment on the second floor. It was all a gleam of polished mahogany, +and brass and mirrors and silver toilet articles, blended with rose-silk +draperies; the alcoved bed was spread with a flowered silk counterpane, +the floors covered with rich Eastern rugs; easy-chairs and low tables +spread with books dotted the room; a couch piled high with down cushions +stood at a seductive angle. A maid glided forward to take Dosia's hat +and cloak, while another knelt at the hearth to light the logs upon the +brass andirons, and Mrs. Leverich came in and out in an overflow of +solicitude. + +"I really think you had better rest. You _must_ be tired. No, of +course"--at Dosia's laughing remonstrance--"the drive was nothing, but +the shock--a shock like that tells on you before you know it. Here comes +your trunk; have you the key? Elizabeth, unpack Miss Dosia's trunk, and +get out a dressing-gown for her. I'm going to insist on your lying down +on the lounge for a while. Now, don't do that, Elizabeth will take off +your shoes for you. And, Amelia,"--this to the maid at the +hearth,--"bring up some tea and biscuits. No, you don't care for tea? +Well, a glass of sherry, then, and some hothouse grapes. My dear +Dosia,--you'll let me call you Dosia, won't you?--you may not feel the +need of it now, but it will do you good. I'm not going to stay with you, +I'll just move this little table with the magazines on it near you, and +leave you to rest; but first I want to show you this." She opened the +door of a smaller, hexagonal apartment adjoining. "I'm going to turn it +into a music-room for you." + +"Oh, Mrs. Leverich!" protested Dosia, in amazement. + +"I've been thinking of it all the way home in the carriage. Of course, +you won't want to practice down-stairs, where people are coming in and +out all the time; it would be very annoying to you. This has been used +as an extra dressing-room. I shall have those thick hangings taken down +and the furniture moved out, and put in light chairs and a cottage +piano, and a few palms over by the window. You'll see!" + +"But, Mrs. Leverich----" + +"Now, don't say a _word_; it's all settled. Elizabeth will come to you +when it's time to dress, so you need give yourself no anxiety about +that. Just let me draw this coverlet over you and tuck your feet in. +Now, how sweet you do look, to be sure!" + +Dosia did "look sweet," and as comfortable and soft as a kitten. The +light-blue kimono of outing flannel,--of which she had been half ashamed +when the maid unpacked it,--though cheap, was becoming; her loosened +hair fell over the blended pillows and the rosy coverlet. The wood fire +at which she gazed crackled and sent out the pungent, aromatic smell of +Southern pine, which mingled with the perfume of a bunch of violets on +the table near the golden sherry in its crystal glass, and the plate of +white and reddish grapes. There was the unaccustomed stillness of a +large, well-appointed house, where the walls were deadened to sound, and +the floors had thick-piled rugs upon them, and the servants walked with +soft-shod feet. Such luxurious well-being had never been Dosia's before. +This was like being in a fairy palace, where you had only to clap your +hands to get anything you wished for. And the most charming thing about +the fairy palace was that there you always met the prince. + +This girl was so constituted that, except in the first flush of +excitement incident to her entrance into this new sphere, she must have +always some heart-warm thought, some little inner pleasure of her own, +to make the larger one serve. Dosia knew now that she was to meet the +true prince. This was the house he visited; all this outer circle of +comfort was but the prelude to love--that mysterious and intangible love +that made you happy ever after. She was glad that she had kept hold of +that hand, and had not let herself be drawn away by lesser ties. Her +day-dream was to bewitch and dazzle him, to compel him to her +attraction; a dozen situations, based on that first idea of his +recognition of her in some noble deed, occupied her happy mind; in all +moments of extra exaltation she brought out the thought and played with +it and hugged it to her. She had yet to learn how few things happen as +we imagine them. + +In the midst of her half-drowsy musings, the door behind her burst open; +suddenly a big collie-dog bounded in. He was licking her cheeks, when a +sharp whistle called him back, and the door was instantly closed again. +Dosia knew that the dog was Lawson's. She sprang up and locked the door, +but her dream had vanished. She had a tingling consciousness that she +was to meet Lawson at dinner. She made up her mind to be very dignified +and cool toward him; she rehearsed the manner in which her eyelashes +would fall, the politely bored expression of her forced attention, the +casual tips of her fingers as they touched his in the conventional +handshake of greeting--all of which would emphasize the fact that he had +now no particular interest for her, if, indeed, he had ever had any. + +But, after all, he was not at dinner, which was a relief, and yet a +disappointment: when you have sharpened your weapons, it is only natural +to want to use them. Lawson did not appear the next day, nor the next. +Once she heard him coming in very late at night, and in the morning he +had gone before she breakfasted. A couple of times in the late +afternoon, when the dog came trotting ahead through the hall, she had +slipped aside, breathless, as from some peril escaped. It was the third +day after her arrival that he suddenly made his appearance in the +drawing-room, where she was seated by the piano, looking over a pile of +music. Mrs. Leverich was out driving, but had thought the air too damp +for Dosia. + +She tried to accomplish the indifferent handshake she had prefigured, +and could have flagellated herself for the color that she felt +enveloping her from brow to throat under his cool, appraising eyes, as +he bent over the piano as if to help her with her search. + +"What do you wish to find?" he asked in a businesslike way. "Perhaps I +can assist you." + +"Thank you, it isn't necessary." + +She held her head at an unresponsive angle involuntarily, so that she +might not see his face, which had struck her as unexpectedly younger and +better-looking than hitherto. + +"I see that my sister has fitted up a little music-room for you. Have +you done much practicing there yet?" + +"Some." + +"You are not homesick in your new quarters?" + +"No." + +"Let me hold that portfolio for you." He interposed a dexterous hand. +"Oh, don't thank me--you see, if you drop it, courtesy will oblige me to +pick up all the music. This is the first time we've met since you have +been in the house; I've been so patient that I deserve more than to have +little cold, hard monosyllables thrown at me." + +"Patient!" + +"Haven't I seen you slip out of the way when you thought I was coming? +I'm accustomed to the phenomenon." The lightness of his tone did not +hide the bitter strain under it. "Really, I'm not lacking in perception. +I wished to give you time to get inured to the sad fact that I live +here; and you need not have changed the time for your lessons last week, +for I have no regular time for my daily exodus at present. If you _will_ +keep your head so persistently turned away, you might as well utilize +the position. Play me something." + +"No, you play for me," returned Dosia, glad of the chance to divert his +attention from her. + +"I might play 'Greeting,' since I'm not going to get any." + +He seated himself on the piano-bench she vacated, and played a few +strains absently; there was that in the low, sweet chords among which +his fingers strayed that could not but enchain. She forgot her aloofness +to listen. Presently he said: + +"Who is my rival?" + +"What do you mean?" She started up, and stood with both arms resting on +the lower end of the grand piano, staring at him. + +"I could not think that blush was for me--that beautiful color that +stole over you when I came in. It couldn't be for me, when you have +avoided me so pointedly. So I concluded, of course, that it was either +the reflection from that brick wall out there, or was called forth by +the thought of my rival." + +"I will not say that it was the brick wall," said Dosia, yielding to the +light, heady spirit he always roused in her, with, also, the little +under-knowledge of her secret dream. + +"Then I will not say it was the rival," said Lawson. He added in a lower +tone: "And I wouldn't give it up to any rival; I saw it--it was mine." + +"You claim a great deal," returned Dosia, wishing that she had the +strength of mind to go and leave him, yet loath to lose a moment of this +converse. + +He shook his head as he answered gently: "No, you are mistaken there; I +claim nothing. I have no rights--only privileges. I hope it's going to +be my privilege to have a little of your charming society in the next +few days. I shall be at home, perforce; I've lost my position." + +"Oh, I'm sorry!" said Dosia, with her quick sympathy. He raised one hand +deprecatingly, while the other still weaved in and out in a pianissimo +accompaniment. + +"Sorry? For me? Oh, that's not the thing to say, at all. You should +condemn my inability to keep the place." + +"Why do you talk like this?" asked Dosia, with a pained feeling. + +"Why do you run when you see me coming?" He flashed a quizzical glance +at her. + +"I don't," she began to say, but her words trailed off into an +inarticulate murmur. + +He had played a chord or two more to her silence before he stopped to +lean forward and say: + +"Why did you avoid me on the train? You need not trouble yourself to +answer. Some kind person had warned you against being too polite to +me--and you took the warning like a good little girl. It has been borne +in upon me quite a number of times that I do not exactly command respect +in this community. I assure you that I know my place." + +"But, oh, why don't you _make_ people respect you?" cried Dosia. "Why +don't you make them? If you really try--oh, if I were a man, I wouldn't +sit quietly and say such things. You can do anything if you really try." + +"Can you?" He smiled with indulgence at her copy-book wisdom. "Well, +perhaps you can, if there's sufficient impetus to the effort. There +really isn't with me. When I was a boy--you'll tire yourself if you +stand up any longer. Come and sit over here by the fire." + +She followed half mechanically to the sofa on which he arranged the +cushions for her, seating himself in the other corner, where he leaned +forward, looking, not at her, but at the fire. His personality was so +strong that each inch that lessened the distance between her and that +lithe, sinewy figure and the dark Oriental face brought a corresponding +thrill of magnetism to Dosia--a subtle excitement which drew her into +its spell. The confusion which had clouded her at first was gone; she +felt luminously clear, in preparation for some great moment of +confidence, in which her mission would be to help and sustain. She broke +the silence presently to say, with a sweet and halting diffidence, +through which her earnestness showed: + +"I want you to tell me. You began to say--I want to know about when you +were a boy." + +"When I was a boy I made a wrong start. Heaven knows, it wasn't my +fault! I was good enough before that--religiously inclined!" He leaned +forward and struck a log with one of the fire-irons, sending a shower of +sparks flying upward. "Where do you think I learned half the bad I know? +At a camp-meeting! But I won't go back to the past--it's a mistake. +Only, I came here literally 'on suspicion.'" + +"Yes," said Dosia, with her clear spirit-voice; "and you tried to work +up from under it." + +Lawson dropped his chin into his hands, looking moodily ahead. "I'm +afraid not always. Sometimes the contrary." + +"Oh, oh," breathed Dosia, in a whisper. + +"If you want me to tell you the truth--! Your relatives are quite right +in ordering you to avoid me. There has never been anybody, you see, to +really care whether I kept straight or not." + +"Your sister?" + +[Illustration: _He played a chord or two more to her silence_] + +Lawson shrugged his shoulders. "It would, of course, be pleasanter for +Myra if she hadn't me on her mind, and Leverich has done his best, I +suppose. I'm not groaning--just telling you the bare facts. Living 'on +suspicion' is demoralizing in the long run, that's all; one lives down +to an opinion as well as up to it, you know. There's never been anyone, +since I was a child, to really believe in me, so there's nobody to be +disappointed." + +"_I_ will believe in you," said Dosia, with the vibrating tone of her +emotion. Her clear eyes looked at his as if to convey strength and +warmth and all that was uplifting straight to his heart. + +"You had better not." + +"I will believe in you!" Her tone had even greater insistence. "I know +what it is--myself--to be with those who do not care. You are not as +other people think you! You can be good and noble. You can"--her voice +sank to a whisper--"resist temptation. If one prays--it helps; I know +that." Her voice rose steadily again, after a tremulous silence: "You +can never say again that no one believes in you, for I believe in you." + +"And care?" asked Lawson. + +His eyes glittered and his face worked with some unusual emotion. + +"And care," assented Dosia, with the same unwavering eyes and serious, +childlike candor of tone. + +He stooped and gently pressed his lips to her hand as it lay upon her +gown. "You are the very sweetest child! I--" He stopped abruptly, and +walked away to the window. The next moment Mrs. Leverich was rustling +into the room. + +If she suspected an interview too confidential, she showed nothing of it +in her manner. She had come back to take her guest out driving, after +all--the sun was shining. Dosia ran to get ready, tingling--was it from +the exaltation or the excitement of this interview, with its unexpected +compact? She trembled with the pathos of it all. She passed each phase +of it rapidly before her mind, to convince herself that there was +nothing in words or feeling, no, nor in that reverential homage of +Lawson's, that could be interpreted as disloyalty to the unknown to whom +her future belonged. + +Mrs. Leverich was waiting with a magnificent wrap of velvet and fur for +Dosia to put on in the carriage over her street costume. + +"I was sure you were not warm enough yesterday," she explained. She +leaned forward to call to the coachman: "James, you may drive first to +Benning's. We are going to get some chocolates to take with us, dear; I +know girls always enjoy themselves more if there is a box of chocolates +handy." + +"Oh, Mrs. Leverich!" said Dosia gratefully. + +"And we will stop at the greenhouse and get some flowers for you to wear +to-night at dinner; you know, George Sutton is coming. I want you to +look particularly well." + +"I don't care to look particularly well for _him_," objected Dosia, +stiffening. + +"No, of course, you don't _need_ to; but, still, a girl should always +look as pretty as she _can_; she can never tell who is going to see her. +James, ask at the express-office if there are any packages. I sent for +some of the new books. Yes, that is for me. Now, my dear, you'll have +something nice to read." + +"You are too good, Mrs. Leverich; you are just spoiling me," said Dosia. + +In these three days she had been the recipient of so many gifts and +favors that it was difficult to know how to vary her expression of +gratitude. She had already been presented with a white China silk +tea-gown, the scores of two of the latest light operas, and an amethyst +belt-pin. The little music-room had been fitted out appropriately from +floor to ceiling, and framed with palms; Mrs. Leverich had spent the +whole of one morning with a corps of servants, planning, directing, and +approving. Dosia had hardly time to frame a wish before it was +forestalled. + +"It is such a comfort to me to have you here," continued Mrs. Leverich, +sinking back among her cushions. "You may take the Five-mile Drive, +James. If I had only had a daughter! I said this morning to Mr. +Leverich, 'I am going to pretend she's my daughter while she's here.' +You don't mind, dear? You will let me have you for my very own?" + +"Yes, indeed," answered Dosia, with the warmth of youth. + +"I have never wished for a son. Boys are a terrible responsibility. +There is Lawson." + +"Yes," said Dosia, as she paused. + +"He has always been such a trial. We have given him every advantage--and +he _has_ every advantage naturally; but it's no use. Mr. Leverich says +he will make one more effort for him, and if that is no use he must go. +We have simply done all we can. I would not speak so openly to you if +you had not been staying in the house, but you could not help hearing." + +"Hearing----?" + +"Yes, these nights when he has come home so late. George Sutton brought +him home Tuesday night from the train--he couldn't walk alone. I was so +ashamed at the noise!" + +"Oh!" breathed Dosia in a horrified undertone. She added, "Has he always +been like this?" + +"More or less. At first it was only when he went away; but he couldn't +keep any position long, because he _would_ go away for days and days at +a stretch. And now it is getting to be--_any_ time. I'm sure we have +done everything in this world to keep it quiet. And Lawson has every +advantage naturally; it is only this--drinking. Of course, no one can +have any confidence in him; I always felt that it was hopeless, from the +first." + +No one had believed in him! Dosia caught at the confirmation as a ray of +light gilding this dark and slimy morass, the sight of which had +unexpectedly revolted her. In Balderville only the lower class of +inhabitants drank; no young man of respectability or position was to be +seen among them. But was not this the very kind of trial of her through +which she had promised to have faith? He had not posed as devoid of +offense; on the contrary, he had confessed to guilt, only she had not +quite understood. Sin as plain sin shows a glazed surface, quite +decently presentable; it is only when it is particularized that the +monstrosities below are hideously revealed. + +"It must be a great grief to you," she said now, with earnestness. + +"Yes, it is. Mr. Leverich says I shall not have so much on my mind after +this winter; he has put his foot down. The nights I have passed! I'm +always fancying that he is run over, or has fallen from the ferry-boat; +it's the most dreadful strain. James, we are to stop for the ice-cream +on the way back--don't forget; and those cakes at Mrs. Springer's--they +were ordered yesterday. Where was I? I forget. Oh, yes--the most +dreadful strain! and I felt that I ought to speak about him to you, as +you are staying under my care, and yet I hated to. But, of course, after +the disturbance, I knew that it was nonsense to try and keep up a +pretense any longer. You can see just what he is yourself." + +"Yes, indeed," said Dosia, grown big-eyed and silent. + +Her hostess insisted on her drinking a large cup of hot bouillon on her +return, she looked so pale and chilly, relighted the logs in Dosia's +room with her own fat, white, beringed hands, and enveloped the girl +enthusiastically several times in a large and perfumed embrace, in +confirmation of her new position as a daughter. Dosia was dainty about +the manifestations of affection; though she was intensely responsive in +spirit to the least show of it, material demonstrations were unnatural +to her; she was shy of being touched even by her own sex. It was only +with little children that the exuberance of her feeling poured forth in +caresses. That the hand-clasp the night of the disaster had appealed so +strongly to her imagination was partly because of the fact that the +comfort it conveyed transcended the strangeness of contact. To be +pressed now to a warm, semimaternal bosom covered with voluminous folds +of mauve velvet and lace gave her only an embarrassed gratitude, which +she felt, guiltily, as being far from adequate to the occasion. And she +was weary of trying to elude the vacillations of her mind. She would +keep her promise to Lawson,--yes, yes, indeed! a hundred times more, the +more he needed it,--but she would be very careful, too; she would be +_very_ careful. A hundred tiny defenses seemed to spring into being. + +He was at the dinner as well as Mr. Sutton. The sixth person was Ada +Snow, with the well-bred composure which concealed her innate shyness, +and in the white dotted swiss she had worn for ten years past, ever +since she had graduated, in fact, and which still looked decently +presentable. Dosia was gay and conversational, as she was expected to +be, the party being hers; she had began to feel the daughter of luxury, +if not of Mrs. Leverich, and accepted the honors with the easily +accustomed grace that is born of admiration and security, conscious +every moment through it all of that bond between herself and Lawson. He +looked boyish and happy. Later, in a talk about skating, he offered to +teach her to skate the next day if the ice held, and Mrs. Leverich, to +whom Dosia looked, expecting her to invent some excuse, approved at +once, and planned to send for skates the first thing in the morning. His +quizzical eye seized unerringly on the signs of withdrawal in her, and +brought the blush of compunction to her cheek, while Mr. Leverich +jocosely deplored that he could not take the office of trainer instead. +Mr. Sutton, who had sat by her at dinner, and hovered amorously over her +in the way a girl detests in a man she does not care for, might have +been mysteriously rebuffed by the suggestion of Lawson's intimacy, for +he devoted himself for the rest of the short evening to Ada Snow, who +dropped into one of her statuesque angles on an ottoman, and talked to +him in her low, trained voice with modestly confidential deference, +until he left, quite early. His attention to Miss Snow had not kept him, +however, from picking up Dosia's handkerchief twice when she happened to +drop it. + +Billy Snow created a diversion by coming in at half-past ten for his +sister, and stating casually that he had seen the doctor's carriage +stopping at the Alexander house as he passed. + +"As you passed _now_?" cried Dosia, startled. "Are the children worse?" +An unacknowledged compunction, which she had felt through all her +pleasures, at leaving the sick household, sprang swiftly to the front. +"Oh, I'm so afraid Redge and Zaidee are worse! I wish I could go there +at once and see!" + +"If they only had a telephone," began Mrs. Leverich, for the twentieth +time. "I can send----" + +"Oh, if I could only go myself!" interrupted Dosia, looking utterly +miserable in her sudden wild anxiety. + +"You could have the carriage--but James is asleep." Mrs. Leverich looked +almost as miserable as Dosia in her baffled hospitality. "But if you +don't mind walking----" + +"No--oh, no!" + +"Then Lawson can take you, of course. There are some wraps in the hall; +I'll pin your dress up, so that you won't need to take the time to +change it. _Must_ you go, Ada? Then you can all walk down together. Mr. +Leverich would have offered to go with you himself, I know, +Dosia,--wouldn't you, Joseph?--if it were not for his cold. But Lawson +can take you, of _course_!" + + + + +CHAPTER ELEVEN + + +Lois, left in charge of a measles-stricken household, had plenty to keep +her hands busy, and yet, as there was no particular anxiety attaching to +the disease, plenty of time for meditation. She possessed the +unfortunate quality of being able to keep up two lines of thought at the +same time, so that little occupations really occupied only a small +corner of her mind, and the larger part was continually taken up with +the subject of larger interest--herself. While she rocked the children +and sang to them, and cut out pictures, and prepared their meals, and +took care of them all day with the aid of a young nurse-maid, she was +unceasingly traversing a country wherein she walked alone and in exile. +The quarantine had shut her in more rigorously upon herself; there were +now no distractions. Her husband was more anxious about the children +than she was, and seriously distressed at first that so much was thrown +upon her; he had wanted to get a trained nurse at once, but after her +assurances that she did not mind staying in, that her exertions did not +tire her, and that she much preferred matters as they were, he accepted +this version without further question or comment, and went about his +affairs, satisfied that she knew best in this her own department. It is +a well-known fact that quarantine, the observance of which is exacted +down to the last second of its limit from the women of a household, does +not affect the bread winner of it, who goes and comes immune; Justin +thought it his duty, in view of this fact, to be as careful as possible +about being much with the children. He stood obediently outside of the +nursery door and talked to them from there when Lois said, "You had +better not come in." When she refused a service offered by him, he did +not press it again. He frequently stayed late at the office, and got his +dinner in town, or, if he did come home, he went out again to spend the +long evenings, in which she had to be up-stairs, at houses where there +were no children to be kept from contagion, and where he could talk to +men. He was really so busy that, though he was ready to help his wife in +any way that she would indicate, it was an immense relief to be able to +leave the conduct of affairs to her. There was, besides, a curious +hardness of manner in her which he unconsciously resented--she seemed to +hold herself aloof from him, and there was no allurement to follow. That +temporary indifference which those who love allow themselves sometimes, +with the clear knowledge that it is only indifference because they do +allow it, to be merged into dearest companionship at will--this had been +pushed too far. It is a dangerous thing to let love slip away, even for +the pleasure of regaining it. + +It seemed pitiful beyond words to Lois that she should have to stand +alone now. She could have done this willingly if she had been by +herself, but to stand alone in this dual solitude, where she might have +had support--she could not understand it. She wept uncontrollably with +the pity of it, and dashed the tears away that she might smile, +red-eyed, upon her children, who could not feel the pathos of her +effort. + +There is little provision made in most girlhood for that independence of +living which marriage unexpectedly forces upon a woman, in many +instances, in almost as great a degree as when she is thrown out into +the world upon her own resources. To be high and fine, rational and +spirited, cheerful and loving, quite by one's self, without audience or +applause, takes a new kind of strength, to which the muscles are little +trained. A woman can reach almost any height on a spurt for praise or +recognition; but to get up, sit down, eat, drink, walk, read, sleep, +care for the children, order the meals, as a rational human being whose +business it was to perform these functions intelligently, with no +personality attached to it--to have it taken for granted that she would +naturally order her life as suited her best, and desired no +interference--it was like being pushed out into the cold. + +If Justin's indifference was unexplainable to Lois, it was equally +mysterious to him that she expected daily to be urged to seek amusement, +to "take something" for her cold, to stay in if it were wet or to go out +if it were dry, to avoid overwork, not to sew too much, and to be sure +and rest in the afternoon--all the little kindly round of woman's +sympathies that keep the heart warm. Justin had been brought up in the +good old-fashioned way by a mother who, while requiring obedience and +honesty from her sons, never required them to think of anybody else. In +his conduct now he did entirely as he would be done by. He hated to be +noticed, himself, in little ways; he did as he pleased, with the +directness that is the inheritance of centuries of predominance, but he +had become affectionately parrot-wise in some of the sentences he found +were conducive to his wife's happiness. In his new absorption he had +forgotten the sentences; he was deeply occupied with his own affairs. +When Lois said to Zaidee, "Mamma is busy; she cannot attend to you now," +she exemplified unconsciously her husband's present position toward +herself. Many men regard women primarily in the light of children; and +the more occupied Justin became in his own affairs, the more reluctant +he became to talk of them at home to this child who was his wife. Her +vivid surprise at normal conditions, the unnecessary worry and shallow +generalization of ignorance, irritated him. He became more and more +taciturn, though he was always kind and affectionate, even if his +kindness and affection lacked, as she felt, the true inner glow; but in +the state of mind which Lois had now made her own, no evidence of +affection, however great on the part of her husband, would have meant +anything to her more than momentarily, for it was seen afterwards +through a medium which at once distorted and nullified, and not even the +complete absorption in and surrender to herself that she craved could +have satisfied the insatiable. She was drifting to a place among the +great and terrible company of nerve-centered people, revolving wheels of +centripetal force, sweeping into their own restless orbit all with which +they come in contact as they go on their devastating way through the +universe. + +Dosia, on the night when she had hurried down to the house with Lawson +Barr, had found nothing out of the ordinary; the doctor had been delayed +until late by a case of more insistence, that was all. She came down, +however, on other evenings, luxuriously cloaked and wrapped, rosy and +smiling, with radiant eyes, and held rapid conversations with Lois +down-stairs, while Lawson waited in the hall, or sometimes went on +farther and came back for her. Lois herself had never considered Lawson +of importance, although she had warned Dosia against him; his +sympathetic manner now pleased her. As the children improved, the +measles threatened to become at once epidemic and more virulent in the +town, so that it was thought wise to avoid comment by having no +communication by daylight with the Alexander household. Dosia was thus, +for a few minutes at a time, Lois' one social link with the outside +world, for Justin, as she said bitterly, told her nothing. After three +weeks of solitude and self-communing the barriers began to give way. + +She was glad to hear her husband come in one afternoon much earlier than +usual. Something had been said the day before about her going out for a +drive. Her heart beat at the sound of his voice, and she ran down-stairs +eagerly, but checked herself, as she had a way of doing lately, when she +came near him. Her face, devoid of expression, was lifted to his to be +kissed; for all her forbidding manner, she was ready to thaw if he would +only take the trouble to shine directly upon her. It was a beautiful +spring afternoon, and she felt the invading monitions of happiness, in +spite of herself, as he kissed her, saying at once hurriedly, if very +kindly: + +"I've got to dress and take the five-o'clock train back to town." + +"Oh!" She was chilled to ice. "Won't you be here to dinner?" + +"Why, no. Girard--do you remember my speaking of him? He's sent me a +ticket for the Western Club dinner in town to-night. There will be fine +speaking; not that I care for that particularly, but it is really +important for me to be there. There are not many tickets; I'm in luck to +get one." He stopped irresolutely. "You don't mind my going? I thought +you'd be with the children." + +"No, I don't mind your going." She added under her breath, "And it +wouldn't make any difference to you if I did." + +"What did you say?" + +"Nothing." + +"If it were any place to which you could have gone with me, I would have +refused." + +"Oh!" + +He looked at her uneasily, but said no more; she heard him whistling +softly as he was getting dressed. In reality his conscience was +uncomfortably pricking him. He felt that he had let her bear too much +alone, that he might have been more thoughtful--he couldn't exactly tell +how. He registered a mental vow to take her out somewhere the very first +chance he got. + +He came in the nursery to say good-by to the children and to her. She +asked: + +"What train will you take back to-night?" + +"I don't suppose I can get anything earlier than the twelve." + +"You mean the one that gets here at a quarter to one?" + +"Yes, of course. Don't sit up for me." + +He was gone; the door had closed behind him--he was gone. Almost before +she realized it, he was gone. It could not be--she was not ready to have +him go yet! There were so many things she had meant to say to him. She +would have rushed to the door to call him back, but Redge cried out for +her. She took him from his crib and ran to the window with him, over the +floor that was strewed with play-things--Justin was already nearly out +of sight. He must, he must, he _must_ come back again! He must. She +willed it so intensely that he must feel it, if he loved her, and come +back. If you willed things hard enough, they happened; people said so. +She was willing, willing, _willing_ him to come back. She watched the +clock, and listened for the sound of the passing train. Seven minutes to +walk to the station--seven minutes to walk back again, as she willed him +to come. Thirty minutes had passed; he had stopped here, there, or yon, +on his way home. An hour--and he had not come! She had willed in vain. +He had gone. + +From six o'clock until a quarter of one,--until one o'clock, for the +midnight train was always late,--that was seven hours. Seven hours to +wait, seven hours to think and think. She gave the children their +supper; she laughed with them, she played with them, helped the nurse +undress them, sang them to sleep, with that dreadful undercurrent of +thinking all the time. She had her dinner, eating without knowing what +she ate, trying to take a long while at it. Afterwards she lighted the +lamp in the little drawing-room, took out her sewing, and sat down there +to wait. There were five hours and a half yet. + +There was a ring at the door-bell about eight o'clock, which proved the +herald of little Mrs. Snow, holding in one hand a provisionary vial. + +"No, thank you, I won't sit down," she said, in answer to Lois' +invitation. "I just ran over to see if you could let me have a little +cough medicine for William to-night, he has a little tickle in his +throat that keeps him coughing, I knew it was no use telling _him_ to +get any medicine, so I said to Bertha, 'Bertha, I'm just going to run +over to Mrs. Alexander's and see if she can lend me a spoonful of cough +mixture.' I'll have my bottle renewed to-morrow." + +"I'm sorry," said Lois, wondering at her power of suspending a +heartbreak, "but we haven't a drop left in the house." + +"There is so much bronchitis around now," continued Mrs. Snow, oblivious +of the fact that the same impetus that had brought her as far as the +Alexanders' would have taken her to the druggist's. "No, thank you; I +can't sit down." + +She stood by the mantel in a drooping attitude that gave her a plaintive +effect, in combination with her soft crinkled black garments and her +small white, delicate, finely wrinkled face. Mrs. Snow had, as a usual +thing, only two tones to her voice--the plaintive and the inquisitive; +the former was in evidence now. + +"There is so much bronchitis around now. I think if you can take hold of +it at the first beginning, with a little cough medicine, when it's just +a tickle in the throat, you can often save a great deal." + +"I suppose you can," said Lois. She felt a vague duty of conversation. +"Isn't William well?" + +His mother shook her head. "No, my dear, not at all, though he will not +own it. I ask him every time he comes in the house how he feels, and +sometimes he won't even answer me." She heaved a sigh. "You're not +looking well yourself, Mrs. Alexander; you mustn't take care of the +children too hard." + +"Oh, nothing ever hurts _me_," said Lois in a hard voice. + +"I'm glad they're so nearly well. I met Mr. Alexander to-night on his +way back to town. It was a pity you couldn't have gone with him; if you +had sent for me, I could have come and stayed with the children as well +as not." + +"Oh, thank you," said Lois. + +"I suppose you don't see much of Miss Dosia?" + +"No, not much as yet." + +Mrs. Snow cleared her throat deprecatingly. "A number of people have +been asking me lately if she and Mr. Barr were engaged." + +"Engaged! Why, of course not," exclaimed Lois contemptuously. "There is +not the slightest question of such a thing; in fact, she dislikes him. +He simply takes her around because she is at his sister's." + +"Oh!" said Mrs. Snow, "Miss Dosia dislikes Mr. Barr--does she really, +now! I'm sure I told everybody that I knew they couldn't be engaged, +although they do seem to be so much together. So she dislikes him; Ada +dislikes him, too. There's something about Mr. Barr so--well, you can't +exactly tell what it is, can you, but it's there; something that's not +exactly like a gentleman--not like Mr. Sutton. Ada likes Mr. Sutton so +much. It's such a relief to me to find that Miss Dosia is so sensible; +she's a sweet young girl--a little fond of attention, perhaps, but many +young girls _are_. No, I thank you, my dear, I cannot sit down, I _must_ +go now. I don't think you're looking well; you must be careful and not +overdo." + +"Oh, nothing hurts me," said Lois again, with a peculiar little smile. +The insinuation about Dosia did no more than swell the undercurrent of +bitterness by another unnecessary drop. + +And Mrs. Snow was gone. Lois had not wanted her, but how alone it was +now! Even Mrs. Snow had seen that she did not look well--had pitied her. + +The children were asleep up-stairs, the maids were in the kitchen. The +clock in the hall ticked. People walked past the house: a man +alone--another man; young people, laughing and catching up with those +ahead; some shuffling, hobbling toilers; then the light step of a woman +returning from work; then another man. Occasionally, but not often, a +carriage rolled down the street. The footsteps were always clear and +distinct from the corner below to the upper crossing; when it was a +train-time, there were more footsteps coming and going--between trains +only the solitary footsteps again. She heard the man in the house across +the street run up the steps to his front door, and turn the key in the +lock. The door opened and shut behind him. The clock in the hall struck +the half-hour--it was half-past eight. Oh, if there had been a life-time +of misery in that last half-hour, what was there to come? An eternity, +an eternity of desolation! + +If she were to will him now to come home, if in the midst of the +glittering lights and flowers he could hear her cry to him,--"_Justin, I +want you!_"--he would _have_ to come. "Justin, I want you!" She rose and +paced the floor, sobbing out the words. No, he would not hear her--he +did not want to hear her. Perhaps he was laughing now. She would have +gone to _him_, if he had wanted her, though she had had to crawl upon +her knees through thorns and briers. Ah, how she would have gone! A rush +of blinding tears filled her eyes. He did not care. She had been ready +to cling to him, and sob her heart out on his breast, and beg him to +love her and kiss her and stay with her, and he had not seen. She had +asked--in the tone that mutely pleaded--_You will not leave me so +long?_--"The train that gets here at a quarter to one?" and he had +answered, "Yes, of course." That was all. If her lips had touched his so +coldly when he had said good-by, it was because she had longed to have +him notice it, and ask her why. But he had not noticed the coldness, he +had not asked her why. He had not wanted any more warmth in her. He did +not care! + +There came swift moments in those long and passion-freighted hours when +the darkened, distorted vision cleared in wonderful flashes that brought +the healing of light. In these moments she caught glimpses of herself, +not as this draggled, pain-gripped, hungry creature, the prey of +frenzied, torturing moods, but as a wife tenderly beloved, a happy +mother of little children, the mistress of comforts that her husband had +won for her, the appointed dispenser of blessings; a wife tenderly +beloved, the true owner of her husband's heart, a woman whose work it +was to grow daily in strength and grace, that she might be more and more +his helper, his lover. Even as this glimpse was shut out again, there +was the piercing thought: If that were real, and what her darkened eyes +beheld untrue! Things are what they are, no matter how one's distorted +vision sees them. If it were really true, no matter how she saw it now, +that she was a wife tenderly beloved, with happiness within her grasp, +and a miserable woman indeed only that she was blind to its +possibilities! She had said, _The train that gets here at a quarter to +one?_ with what a longing for him not to leave her, and he had answered, +_Yes, of course_. Nothing could make those words any different. And she +wanted him, and he did not care--he did not care. Justin, Justin! The +long, long, torturing fangs of self-pity had her by the throat. + +The house was silent, the children slept, the maids had gone up-stairs. +The hours wore on into the night. The footsteps passed up and down the +street only at long intervals. The air grew chill in the house. In the +quiet, the watcher could hear the trains far, far off across the flats. + +At twelve o'clock the spring rain began to fall, gently at first, and +then in torrents, coming straight down with a rushing sound that blotted +out both trains and footsteps. And the train was late, as she had said +it would be, it was after one o'clock when Justin ran up the steps with +that firm, quick tread of his, opened the door, and came in. His face +was bright and eager; he was full yet of the pleasure of the evening, +and anxious to make her a sharer of it. He turned to speak to his wife, +and the glow on his countenance died out instantly as with a breath from +the tomb. + +Lois sat stiffly upright in a chair, facing him. The light had gone out +in the lamp, and the one gas-burner above, with its meager flicker, cast +the room into the desolate half-shadows that speak of the late hours of +the night. She had worn a scarlet house-gown in the evening; the +trailing folds swept the floor around her slippered feet now, her bare +arms gleamed below the sleeves that only reached beyond the elbow. +Around her was flung a gray cloak, buttoned askew at the throat, and in +one of her folded hands she held a black lace scarf. Her face was white, +and her large eyes stared straight before her rigidly, yet with a wild +gleam in them; as he looked at her she rose and moved as if to pass him. + +He stepped forward with his dripping overcoat half off. + +"Where are you going?" + +She made no answer, but looked at him as she edged on farther to the +door. + +"Where are you going? Answer me." + +Her lips stiffly framed the word: "Out." + +"Out! What do you mean?" He spoke roughly, in a terrible anxiety and +anger mixed together. "What are you working yourself up to all this +foolishness for?" + +Again she did not answer. + +He went on more sternly, yet with an undercurrent of entreaty: + +"Come in here and take off those things and be rational. Why do you look +at me like that?" + +"You don't care--any more." + +Oh, if he would snatch her to him now, and press her to his breast, that +she might feel his protecting arms around her! If he would kiss her now +with the kisses she remembered, and love her, and comfort her, and send +this horrible spirit out of her! How could he not know that that was the +way to exorcise it, that it was what her spent soul craved? How could he +keep from putting his arms around her when she was in agony? + +Never in his life had her husband been less likely to do so. The wild +defiance in her eyes would have made any woman repulsive to him; he had +all a man's horror of a "scene," mingled with a deeper disgust that she +should be the actress in it, and his anger was the more that he felt the +whole thing to be unnecessary. Underneath this anger, however, was the +sense of responsibility for his wife's welfare, such as one would have +for a child, no matter how outrageous. + +"You don't care!" She whispered the words again. + +"No, I don't care for you when you act like this." His voice was even +sterner now; it was time that this travesty came to an end. + +She stared at him as before. "Then I'll go!" she said wildly, and +slipped past him out of the door and into the rain, running with swift +yet uncertain footsteps down the black, wet street, listening, listening +all the time for him to follow--listening as she ran. She walked more +slowly now as she listened; she had gone nearly a block already toward +the river. Oh, would he let her go? For one awful moment she feared that +this phantasm might become a reality; and yet she knew, as well as she +knew that she lived, that he would not let it be so. Yes, yes, there was +his quick, sharp tread at last, gaining on her. He walked like the angry +man he was, but the sound brought a furtive thrill of bliss to her. How +strong he was when he was angry! He had had to notice her at last; he +could think of nothing but her now. + +She trembled as he came up to her. He only said in a matter-of-fact +tone, "It's time to stop this now; you'll get wet." He took her by the +arm and turned her around, heading for home; the mere touch of his +guiding hand on her arm sent warmth through her icy veins. She trembled +as her feet tottered beside his, her strength suddenly spent with the +breaking up of her long passion. + +Neither spoke as they walked home. When they were in the house again, he +unfastened her cloak with awkward fingers, and took the dripping scarf +from her wet hair, throwing them on a chair. + +She leaned her head upon his breast, clinging to him with an +inarticulate murmur for forgiveness, and he smoothed her hair for a +moment. She raised her face to his to be kissed, and he kissed her. She +humbly asked nothing; she would be satisfied with anything now. She went +up to her room, as he bade her, and when she was in bed, he came and sat +down by her, and held the hand she mutely placed in his, as her +imploring eyes asked. But he had to put a force upon himself to do it. +The whole play was distasteful and repugnant beyond words to him; it +weakened every bond that bound him to her. He sought for no +self-analyzing causes. He had so much care upon him now that more than +ever in his life before he needed diversion, sympathy, love, rest--rest +above everything else on earth. + + + + +CHAPTER TWELVE + + +To live in the same house, to meet not only at the accepted times, but +in all the little passing ways--on the stairs, coming in and out of the +door; to meet also in all the little unpremeditated ways that are really +premeditated--the going to the library for a book, the searching over +this, that, and the other, with all its pretended inconsequence and +surprise; the abstraction of two people from the same room at the same +time on different pretexts; the lingerings while the minutes grew toward +the hour, the sudden hurried partings at a foot-step, the reunion for +just a moment more when the foot-step did not come that way--all this +unnoticed and casual intercourse with its half-secrecy and hint of the +forbidden becomes a large factor in its relation to after-events, when +the participants are a man and a woman. There is no influence so little +regarded for the young by those in authority as the tremendous influence +of propinquity. + +Among all the social comings and goings at the Leverichs', the +excitement of Lawson's presence held its place with Dosia. The sudden +sight of his olive profile and his lithe figure, his cool, appraising +gaze, his "Well, young lady?" with its ironic tone that yet conveyed a +subtle kindness, his lazy, caressing expostulation, "Why not, when we +are friends?"--these things made heart-beats that Dosia took pains to +assure herself were of a purely Platonic nature, when she stopped at +rare occasions to take tally of her emotions, though there was a +continual unacknowledged inner protest, in spite of her yielding, which +made her resolve each day to withdraw a little on the next. But they +never talked of love; they talked only of goodness, or art, or music, or +about the way you felt about different subjects, or little teasing +things, like why she drew her mouth down at the corners when he looked +at her, or why she had seemed to disapprove the night before. They were +bound together by the hope of higher things. She met him always in the +morning with the bright uplifting smile that said, "I know you will +repay my confidence--for _I_ believe in you!" + +"I really wish Lawson would go away," said Mrs. Leverich, one day, as +the two sat over their afternoon tea together. + +"Why?" asked Dosia, with the suddenly concentrated composure his name +always brought her outwardly. "I thought you said last week that he had +improved so much." + +"Oh, yes, he's had one of his good streaks lately; and he _is_ a sweet +fellow when he's nice--he was the dearest _little_ boy! Lawson can twist +me around his little finger when he wants to; he knows that he can get +money out of me every time, even when he oughtn't to have it. But he +can't keep up this sort of thing long, you know, he is so restless; +there's bound to be a breakdown afterwards. I dread it; the breakdowns +get worse, now, every time." + +"Perhaps there will be no breakdown, after all," said Dosia, in an even +voice, but with that sudden deep sensation of disenchantment which his +sister's words always brought to her, and which lay upon her spirit like +a living thing, dragging her fancy in chains. It was not alone Mrs. +Leverich's words, either, that had this power; when anyone spoke of +Lawson it brought the same displeasing uneasiness, followed by the +wonted eager remorsefulness later, when she saw him. But through each +phase one foundational sense held good--he was not at all the kind of +man she would ever want to marry; the whole attraction of the situation +was in the fact that one could be so nobly intimate, and still keep off +the danger-ground. Once or twice he had seemed to be infringing on it, +and then she had turned him aside with sweet solemnity and additional +inner excitement. + +These were days indeed! It was Lent, but there were all the minor +pleasures of luncheons and card-parties, and little evening +entertainments held at Mrs. Leverich's hospitable mansion. It mattered +not whether there was anything going on in the town or not; society +focused at her house, with Dosia for the central point. When she thought +of going back again to Lois it was with a blank shiver. + +Lois, indeed, had not been well lately; the children were out of +quarantine, but she had a sore throat, and kept her room under the care +of a trained nurse. Dosia had not seen her, but only Justin, who looked +tired and older. Dosia was not to return now until after Easter and +after the ball--Mrs. Leverich was going to give a ball for Dosia; it was +to be, in a sense, her "coming out." + +She had by this time become quite used to her position as daughter of +the house, accepted luxuries as a matter of course, and even suggested +improvements, when she found that it pleased Mrs. Leverich to have her +do so. She received that lady's embraces gracefully, brought newspapers +unasked for Mr. Leverich, and gave orders to the maids for her hostess. +She had grown accustomed to being waited on, petted, made much of, and +given presents, and blossomed like the rose under this vernal shower of +kindness; her dress, her manner, her very expression, betrayed the ease +of elegance. She did not like to own, even to herself, that long +conversations with Mrs. Leverich were somewhat tiresome when the subject +was neither Lawson nor herself, and she learned to get out of the way of +too many tete-a-tetes. This did not keep her from having a fervent +gratitude for all the blessings of the situation, and a real love for +the dispenser of them. Now, when the time of her stay was narrowing to a +close, she clung to each day as if it neared the end of life; every +pleasure was doubly dear in that it was the last of its kind. To be +sure, the fairy prince had not arrived as yet--Bailey Girard, who had +come to the house while she was still a stranger to it, had been half +across the Continent since. It is one of the shabby jests that life is +always playing us, that two who have met once as wayfarers on the same +road, with the memory of that one meeting so curiously vivid and +intimate that it seems as if the fate of the next turning must bring +them within touch again, are yet kept out of sight or sound of each +other for miles by the slight accidents of travel. Fate, when we count +upon her, is apt to be extraordinarily slow in working out her +fulfillments. + +Dosia hailed with delight a proposition made by Mrs. Leverich to get up +a party and drive over one evening to a neighboring town to hear a +lecture given there by a friend. The lecture was nothing, the friend not +a very great attraction, but the expedition in itself gave an excuse for +a drive, and a supper on the return to the Leverich mansion. It was +early April, but the weather was unseasonably warm, and there was a +golden moon. They were to go in a "barge"--the local name for a long, +low, uncovered wagon, with two lateral seats, holding about thirty +people. Mrs. Leverich had insisted on plenty of lap-robes and extra +wrappings and even umbrellas, in spite of remonstrances. She herself +could not go, but there were plenty of chaperons, little Mrs. Snow +having been pressed into service as a substitute at the last moment, +with every promise of mild evening weather especially beneficial to +rheumatism. + +Some one had a bugle that woke the echoes as the caravan drew up at each +door to gather the different segments of the party. Dosia felt wild with +glee as she bundled into the barge, amid merry shrieks and laughter, and +found herself seated by Mr. William Snow, while Lawson took the place on +the other side of her. Ada and Mr. Sutton were farther down, with Mrs. +Snow near them. Opposite Dosia was a chaperon of the chaperons. + +Dosia hardly knew what she was saying as she laughed and talked with the +crowd, while Lawson conversed across with Mrs. Malcolmson, but the sense +of his nearness never left her. Billy at last got a chance to say to her +in a low, intense voice: + +"Why are you always listening for what _he_ says?" + +Her glance followed his, and her color rose. + +"Dear little Billy is rude; Billy must learn manners," she retorted +gayly, but with a sharpness below the gayety. + +"I don't care whether it's rude or not. Here I'm sitting by you for the +first time this week, and you don't seem to hear a word I say. I've been +trying to talk to you, and you don't pay the slightest attention." + +"Oh, you poor child!" said Dosia. "Would it like some candy?" + +"It's no use talking to me like that," returned William stubbornly. "I +know you're a year older than I am----" + +"Two," interpolated Dosia. + +"It's seventeen months and three days--but that's nothing to do with it. +It's no use your trying the grandmother act--I could marry you, just the +same, if I _am_ younger. Mrs. Stanford is two years older than her +husband, and Mrs. Taylor is five years older than hers. Lots of people +do it--but that's not the point now. I'm miles older than you in +everything but years. I've had experience of the world, and you +haven't." His belligerent tone softened, and he looked at her tenderly +as he towered above her, his blue eyes alight. "You need somebody to +take care of you. I don't care whether you believe it or not, I know +what I'm talking about. I wish you'd drop that fellow." + +"Why?" asked Dosia, with dangerous calm. + +"Why? Because--you ought to know. He isn't a gentleman; he's no good. He +isn't _fit_. If he was, don't you think he'd look out for you, and not +take advantage the way he does? If he had a decent spark in him, he'd +never let you be seen with him; he knows it, if you don't. Why, there +have been times I've seen him when you wouldn't pick him up off the road +with a pair of tongs." + +"Mr. Barr, will you fasten this cloak around me?" said Dosia, in a clear +voice. + +She turned with her back to William and leaned a little closer to +Lawson, after he had helped her arrange the garment. Lawson had made +every resolution to take no advantage of his position, but he was not +proof against this alluring moment; his warm hand with its long, +tapering fingers sought hers under cover of the lap-robe, and held it +while he still talked with apparent unconcern to his matronly vis-a-vis. +Once he looked around at Dosia with those teasing eyes full of laughter, +and yet of something more. She could not drag her hand away without +betraying the struggle, as his closed more tightly over it, though her +riotous heart beat so that she feared it must get into her voice, and +there was an odd feeling as if she were doing some one a wrong. Her +fluttering was intoxication to Lawson. + +They drove for five miles with the early spring moonlight shining +silverly through the last rosy haze of the sunset, the air sweet with +the scent of green grass and dewy blossomings. + +Lawson did not look at Dosia as he helped her out of the wagon, nor did +he come in to listen to the lecture, through which she sat pulsating at +the thought of the drive home, desiring yet fearing it. Would he be near +her then? Her question was answered. He helped to put everyone else in +the wagon, and they two came last. This time their opposite neighbors +were a young couple engrossed in each other. Dosia's quick eye took in +the situation at once. She was determined not to speak first, and they +rode for a while in silence; then he moved nearer, and asked in a low +tone: + +"Why don't you look at me?" + +"Why did you--hold my hand?" She spoke in a whisper that he had to bend +his head to hear. + +"I might tell you a good many reasons--but one will do. I am going away +for good." + +"What?" She turned breathlessly, with a quick pang. The night had grown +very dark, but she could see the gleam of his eyes and the outline of +his olive face as it leaned over her. "Why?" + +"Because--" He stopped, and his quizzical look changed into something +deeper. "I believe I ought to. I've had a sort of an offer out West, and +it's time I made a change." + +"Is it to lead a new life?" asked Dosia, with deep and tender solemnity. +Mrs. Leverich's words came back to her; this, then, had been all +planned. + +"Oh, let us always hope so!" said Lawson lightly. "Who knows? Perhaps +I'll turn into a highly respectable individual and make money. You can't +be respectable without money, I've tried it, and I know. I had a sort of +an opening in Central Africa which my dear brother-in-law pressed upon +me, but I decided against it." + +"Central Africa!" + +"Yes. I appreciated Leverich's feelings in the plan--you can't get back +easily from Central Africa, if you get back at all. So I'm going, for +good or bad, to a nice little mining-camp in Nevada, where you get your +mail every six weeks or so, and where you can go down into your grave +any way you please without scandalizing your friends. I'll be really +quite out of the way." + +"Out of the way!" Her heart leaped with pride in him. How little William +knew of this man! + +"Yes, out of everybody's way--and yours, dear little girl. I'm not good +enough for much, but perhaps I'm good enough for that." + +"Oh," said Dosia, distressed and fascinated by his tone of real feeling. +"But why--oh, I shall miss you so much--and think of you--so much!" Her +voice broke. "I can't bear to think of your going off in this way--so +lonely." + +There was a shriek from farther down the barge. "It's beginning to rain, +it's beginning to rain!" A wild scramble ensued for cloaks and +umbrellas. A furious shower was descending almost with the words, and +the whole party slid off the two long seats into the straw on the bottom +of the barge, and cowered under the carriage-robes pulled up around them +for a shelter, showing only a mass of umbrellas above. + +Lawson's quick movements had insured Dosia's protection. + +"You are not getting wet at all?" He bent over her tenderly under the +enveloping umbrella. + +"Not at all," she whispered. + +It was as if everything were a confidence now. She reverted to the +subject of their conversation: + +"Oh, do you think you will really not come back?" + +He laughed. "Yes, I mean it--now. Of course, you know that's my chief +fault--my resolutions are too frequently writ on sand." He spoke of his +own weakness with the bitter yet facile contempt which too often +enervates still more instead of strengthening. "Yes, I mean it. Do you +wonder I took your hand? Are you sorry I'm going--? is my little friend +sorry? She mustn't be sorry; you know, nobody is sorry--she must be glad +to get rid of inc. Speak--and say it." + +"No," whispered Dosia. + +He pressed her arm close to him, as he held her hand and pulled the +wraps around her, shifting the umbrella as the wind changed. One of the +men in front lighted a lantern and held it out in the rain at arm's +length, to glimmer ahead in the pitchy darkness and show the road to the +driver, who held the horses at a walk. The wagon lurched and tipped in +mud-holes and unexpected ridges and depressions, running up once on the +edge of a bank, while the couples on the floor of it screamed and +laughed. There were muttered rolls of thunder in the distance. Rain in +the night had always brought back the scene of the disaster to Dosia, +but she only thought now that she could not think. All of her that lived +was living at this moment here. + +"Why are you so silent?" he murmured headily, after an interval. + +"I don't know." + +"Is there anything else that you want to tell me?" + +"I don't know." + +"Oh, yes, you do." His voice had grown dangerously tender. "What is it?" +He waited again, bending nearer. "Don't you want me to leave you--is +that it? Don't you want me to leave you?" + +"No," whispered Dosia. + +"Then I'll stay!" + +His arm slid exultingly around her waist, and his hand pressed her head +down upon his shoulder, while she submitted passively, a thing of +suffocating heart-beats and burning blushes, captive to she knew not +what. "You oughtn't to have said that, you know, for now I'll never go. +I'll stay with you. Hush--keep still!" He held her firmly as some one +spoke from the front, and he answered in a loud tone: + +"Yes, Mrs. Malcolmson, it's the right road. Swing the lantern a little +further around, Billy. Yes, that's the old white house; we turn +there--it's all right." + +He kept his attitude of attention for a few minutes, looking from under +the cover of his umbrella at the huddled heaps and the umbrellas in +front of him. Then Dosia felt that he was coming back to her. She tried +desperately to rally her forces, to think if this was the man with whom +she wanted to spend her life, her husband for all her days. Alas, she +could not think! Some giant, unknown force had sapped her power of +thought. She weakly took his two hands and tried to push his arm from +around her waist and to raise her head from his shoulder. His arm did +not move; her head sank back again. His lips were on hers--which no man +had ever touched before,--and those lips now were Lawson's. + +"There was _one_ girl kissed to-night," announced Mrs. Snow, as she took +off her numerous layers of shawls and worsted head-coverings in +household conclave after her return from the Leverichs'. + +"It was perfectly disgraceful! Is there any hot water on the stove, +Bertha? I want a glassful to drink. I hope you left a piece of stale +bread in the oven for me, I feel a little need of something. Oh, yes, of +course there was a supper, we had lobster Newburg and champagne, but I +didn't take any; a cup of beef-tea or a little cereal would have suited +me much better. It's a mercy if I haven't taken my death of cold. It was +Dosia Linden's goings-on that I was speaking of; she's a bold sort of a +piece, evidently, quite different from what I thought. Sh--William's +gone up-stairs, hasn't he?" Mrs. Snow dropped her voice mysteriously. +"My dear, she and Lawson Barr sat hidden under an umbrella all the way +home, and never spoke a word. You can't tell _me_! Never said a word +that anyone could hear. When she came into the dining-room at the +Leverichs', her face was scarlet, and she couldn't even look at anyone, +though she talked enough for ten while he played some queer thing on the +piano. You can just ask Ada." + +Miss Bertha had preserved an immovable countenance throughout the +monologue, but her eye now sought her sister's and received a swift +glance of confirmation from that silent and discreet damsel. The +confirmation brought a shock to Miss Bertha--fond of the trivial and +unimportant in gossip, the scandal which hurt the young devolved a hurt +on her, too. As mothers who have lost children feel a tenderness for +those who do not belong to them, so Miss Bertha, who had lost her youth, +felt toward the youth in others. Her mother's small mind yet had an +uncanny power of partial divination, gained from years of experience and +espial, that irritated while it impressed. + +"Her face was probably red from the wind and the rain," said Miss +Bertha, in a matter-of-fact tone, regardless of her mother's +contemptuous sniff. "What kind of a time did you have, Ada? Did you see +anything of Mr. Sutton?" + +"Just a little," replied Ada temperately. + +This time it was the mother's and Miss Bertha's eyes that telegraphed. +"Ada, my dear, you may take my shawls up-stairs. She was with him _all_ +the time. I hope he saw enough of Dosia Linden's bold actions to disgust +him, at any rate. Yes, my dear, everything was managed very beautifully +at the Leverichs', and it was all very elegant; but she is a little +common--Mrs. Leverich, I mean. She was really quite put out because we +hadn't driven back faster. There was a Mr. Girard who had come out from +the city, and she wanted Miss Dosia to meet him before he left--he had +just come back from somewhere in the West. She really made quite a time +about it. And there's a sort of vulgar display about her that I don't +care for; you can see she's Lawson's brother. Oh, well, don't take me up +so, Bertha; you know what I mean, well enough. You have such a sharp way +with you sometimes, like your dear father's family. +William--_Wil-liam_!" + +"Yes, mother." + +"I want you to come down and put the cat out and lock up at once,--oh, +you did, did you?--and kissed me good night, too, you say? I didn't +notice it. And did you empty the water-pan under the ice-box, and bank +up the fire, and water the big palm? Oh, very well. Then, +William--Wil-liam! I want you to come down again, now, and take a +rhinitis tablet, after the dampness of to-night." + +There was an emphatic sound from above. + +"He's shut his door," said Miss Bertha. + +Ah, what does a girl think who has given up all her bright anticipations +for a man whom she knows is not worthy? Lawson had pressed Dosia's hand +only when he said good night,--there were others around,--but he had +looked at her lips. She knew how his felt upon them; their touch--more +than all the murmured elusive questions and answers--had made her his. + +She knelt down by the big chair in her room, and buried her hot face in +the cushions, to try and think at last, with a suddenly sinking heart +that feared when it should have rejoiced. He had told her that no one +could make him go, now that she loved him; he would stay here. "And work +for me?" she had asked, and he had answered, "Yes, and work for you." +She should be so happy now, so happy! The perspective down which she had +always seen her future was suddenly shortened; this was the end. Lawson +Barr, the man she had been playing with at a delightful, enthralling, +forbidden game, he was the man with whom she had promised to spend her +life, her husband for all her days; that which was to have been her +uplifting was instead something for her to carry. Suppose that she had +more of those awful, clear-sighted moments which had disenchanted her +when his sister spoke? No, no; that must not happen, that must not! +Dosia had acquiesced in what was said about him, with the large-eyed +uncomprehension of the girl who pretends that she understands what +everyone expects her to; it meant something--she was afraid to have +anyone tell her what; she pretended to understand, because she was +afraid some one would let her know of half-divined, unmentionable +things. He was not--good; he drank--people despised him: but he clung to +her, and she had let him kiss her, oh, not only once or twice, but many, +many times. She knew in her heart, she knew, that he was what they said; +but it was to be her work to help him always. When she had been with him +hitherto, there had always been the excitement of feeling that the claim +was temporary, to hold or not, at will, a mere pretense of a claim. Now +it was real. She was bound forever! + +Was the moment of disenchantment upon her now? She did not deceive +herself--too late she owned the truth. What was the worst? He was +weak--then she must be strong. She thought of herself in years to come. +People said you couldn't reform a man who drank--her father had been +very strong on this point. She had thought of it all before, to be sure; +but now--now it came home. She imagined herself keeping his house for +him, getting his meals--perhaps with children; waiting, listening +suspiciously for his returning footsteps; trying to keep him +"straight,"--perhaps not succeeding. Yes, she must succeed! People +looked down on him--so they would look down on her. And while her clear +and pure nature reasserted itself, and thought and tried pathetically to +find out truth alone, her cheeks still burned, her senses owned his +sway. Those intoxicating moments forced themselves upon her, whether she +would or no. But the truth--the truth below that, the truth was that she +did not love him. You can carry any burden if you have the strong wings +of love, but she had them not. What was to have been the crowning of her +maidenhood had come to this--a sacrifice to the baser, and without love. +Nay, not that, not quite that! The maternal spirit in Dosia rose and +yearned over this outcast, whom nobody loved, with a tenderness which +owned no thought of self; she must never think of herself any more, but +only what was best for him. She was to be his wife. The word brought a +choking feeling, with its thrill of mystery. She was so young--so young! +Could she keep up a sacrifice always? Why had she not been able to think +in this way until now? The answer came clearly in her search for truth: +because she would not let herself do so. She had been warned--she had +been warned. + +"Pray--it helps." That was what she had said to him. Ah, yes! She slid +to her knees; her only real help was in Heaven. She must keep her +promise! She must always love him whom nobody loved, and trust him whom +nobody trusted. Perhaps--perhaps when he kissed her again--She put the +thought away, so that she, a child, might speak straight to God. And +while she prayed Lawson was coming down-stairs with his hat on. + +"You are not going out?" His sister barred the way, in a purple velvet +gown, and laid a plump jeweled hand on his sleeve. The lights were +already out in the drawing-room, and, beyond, the servants were removing +the last traces of the supper. + +He did not answer for a moment, looking at her with hard eyes, void of +expression save for a certain tenseness. It was a look she knew. Then he +answered roughly: + +"I'm going in on the twelve-o'clock train with some of the boys. It's no +good to talk." + +"Lawson! not now." Her tone was angry. "Go up-stairs--to bed." + +"Well, I guess--not!" said Lawson. He swept her hand from his arm, and +was out of the door and running quickly down the steps before she +turned. + +[Illustration: _It was a look she knew_] + +Dosia, on her knees, heard his step; it set her heart beating with a +rush of emotions that drowned her prayer. She was his, though she had +been warned. + +Warned--yes; and left carelessly to her fate in a world of chaperons and +parents and guardians and people who knew! + + + + +CHAPTER THIRTEEN + + +It was the night of Mrs. Leverich's grand ball. Dosia was "coming out." + +The preparations had been going on for the entire week since the drive. +The great house had been cleaned from top to bottom, the floors waxed, +the state silver brought out and polished. Mrs. Leverich drove out half +a dozen times a day with Dosia, to order or to countermand orders, to +select, compare, discuss. Every arrangement that was made or thought of +required discussion--what furniture was to be taken up in the attic and +what left where it belonged; where the flowers were to be placed, where +the musicians were to take their stand; how many small tables would be +needed for the serving of the supper that was to come from town. +Leverich himself had said there was to be no expense spared, and he +would see to the wine; all he wanted was the privilege of asking some of +his own friends. The invitations were out late, as there had been a +delay in the engraving; Dosia looked at her own name on them, and tried +to realize that this was indeed what Mr. Leverich called "her party." He +had insisted, at his wife's suggestion, in presenting Dosia with her +gown for the occasion, and had been pleased with her pretty thanks for +his kindness. There was something about Mr. Leverich, with all his outer +coarseness, that Dosia liked. When she spoke in a certain way, he never +answered wrong, as his wife sometimes did; he understood. + +Not since the night of the barge-ride had Dosia seen her lover. After +her first disquiet and wonder at not seeing him at the breakfast to +which she came down very late the next morning, she was relieved to hear +that he had suddenly been called away earlier. He might not be back for +a day or two. She longed to question more, but could not bring herself +to do it, and his absence seemed to be taken as a matter of course by +everyone else. But there had been a note from him, after the two days +were up, postmarked from the city--a mere line that said only, "For the +girl I love." + +"Will your brother be back for the party?" she asked Mrs. Leverich, +trying to keep her color steady and ask the question casually. + +"Oh, yes, indeed," the sister answered readily. "He may be back at any +minute now. He'll be here on the day itself, for certain; he knows I +want his help about some things." + +Without Lawson's actual presence Dosia could fashion him into the man +she loved, and pitch her own key of living higher. With that higher +thought and her simple earnestness of purpose, she grew sweeter, dearer, +more subtly sympathetic with others; she was no girl any longer, she +said to herself, but a woman, for she was loved. How would his eyes +claim hers when he came? Her cheeks mantled at the thought. There was a +strange tingling emotion in everything connected with him. Ah, he would +be worthy--he must! Suppose he were her hero, after all? Absence +supplied him with the halo. + +All the village was astir over the ball, as well as the Leverich house; +it was impossible to overestimate its importance. Every woman was having +a new dress made, or was absorbingly renovating an old one, and every +man was sick and tired of hearing about the festivity. Everybody was +asked; not to have an invitation to the Leverich ball was to be outside +the pale indeed. Mrs. Snow was not going,--she had taken cold on the +ride,--but it was to be one of Miss Bertha's rare appearances in public; +she was to chaperon Ada. Lois and Justin were coming; the former was to +be one of the receiving party. + +Dosia's week had been one surging thought of Lawson, mixed with wild +anticipations of the ball, yet even at dinner-time on the eventful night +he had not arrived. + +"Girard is coming, you know, after all," said Leverich, as they +assembled for the hasty meal in a little side-room. "I met him in town +to-day, and was lucky enough to get him. That's the right man for you, +Dosia." + +"For me!" Dosia laughed, with her rising color. "Mr. Leverich, you are +always trying to find the right man for me. I don't want him!" + +"You haven't met him yet," said Leverich wisely. "He's the only fellow I +know that I'd be willing to have you marry. I told him you were waiting +for him." + +"Oh, oh, oh!" cried Dosia, in consternation. + +"Now, don't get excited," said Leverich, smiling broadly. "I said he'd +have to work to get you--that you weren't the kind of a girl that came +when she was beckoned to. Oh, I put your stock 'way up." + +He laughed at her horrified gaze, and then lapsed indulgently. "No, I'll +confess! I didn't say anything of the kind; I was just romancing. I did +tell him he'd meet a pretty nice girl--you don't mind that, do you?" + +"You don't deserve to be answered," said Dosia. She went and hung over +his chair caressingly for a moment before escaping from the room. + +In spite of his recantation, the effect of having been offered to Mr. +Girard remained the real situation--one of sudden and great intimacy. +The thought of his coming to-night added to her happiness; it brought +the deep pleasure inseparable from his name--it was as if something both +calm and protecting had been added, like the comfortable presence of one +who understood. He would sympathize, if he knew, with that high motive +of duty which must uphold her, whether the glamour held or failed. He +would know what it was to feel that you must be true. + +As she went through the still unlighted upper hall, she came face to +face with some one in an overcoat, a man who carried a valise. + +"Lawson!" she whispered. + +For one dreadful moment she saw him in that way she feared; shallow, +insincere, unstable--was that all? Was there something indefinably odd, +indefinably strange? Then she saw only the gaze that recalled +everything--he loved her! That thrilling thought carried all before it; +her pulses leaped to own him master, with a sudden lovely, trusting joy. + +"No, no!" she whispered again, with falling eyelids, as he made a +movement toward her. His lips touched her hair. "Not here! Some one is +coming." + +"Later, then!" he murmured assentingly, with a gleaming eye, as she +eluded him and ran down the corridor to her own room. + +This was to be her ball, her ball! Her lover had come. Her dress lay on +the bed, a white and airy thing; her white pearl-beaded slippers were +below it on the floor. Every chair was piled high with dainty whiteness +of some sort. Her dressing-table, with its candles and flowers, was like +a shrine for her beauty. The mirror reflected her with loosened waves of +hair and bare arms and feet, her bath-robe slipping from her shoulders. +It reflected her again, fresh and gleaming, low-bodiced, short-skirted, +and a-tiptoe in her pearly slippers; and again in filmy, trailing +petticoats, and half-covered neck, sitting like a pictured marchioness +of old in front of the dressing-table, in the shine of the candles, +while Mrs. Leverich's maid piled the fair hair high on her small head. +And every few minutes there was a knock at the door, and a maid brought +in a box of flowers, great, delicious bunches of red and pink and white +roses, and sweet peas and lilies, and violets tied with yards of +lustrous satin ribbon. Dosia held out her arms for them, the dear, +fragrant, heavenly things, and hung over them, and buried her face in +them, and kissed them, before she sent them down-stairs, with loving +protest that she should have to be parted from them until she should +follow. She had not so much as dreamed of this richness of flowers for +her! It was because it was her ball, her ball! And her lover had come. + +There was a noise of carriages driving up to the house--the intimate +friends who came first. The musicians below were beginning to tune their +instruments, and the twanging of the strings touched an intenser chord +of exhilaration. The long-ago dance at the bazaar--was Dosia to have +another to-night to which that would be but as a shadow? For this was +her ball--her ball, and the dance would be with Lawson as her lover. Her +feet kept time to some fairy measure of her own. + +[Illustration: _Like a pictured marchioness of old_] + +Now she was robed in the white gown. It was like a white cloud +enveloping her. Mrs. Leverich, rustling richly in pale green satin, came +into the room and clasped a little thread of pearls around the slender +white throat before she went down-stairs. + +Lois came also, gowned in trailing blue, beautiful, but pale and cold; +there was a sick look around her mouth. One or two girls ran in for a +peep at the debutante. And was not Dosia coming down? Mrs. Leverich sent +up word that they were all waiting for her. In a moment--Dosia would +come in a moment. If they would leave her, she would be down in a +moment. The music had struck up now, and swung into the preparatory +strains of Lohengrin. Dosia would come in a moment. + +As the bride feels who lingers for that little space alone in her +chamber before facing the new joy, so felt Dosia. Her spirit cried out +that this instant could never come again; she wished to feel it, to know +it, forever. The mirrors reflected her with her hand on the door-knob, +as she leaned half backward, her lashes touching her cheeks.... Then she +opened the door and went down the hall to the stairs. + +Dosia's beauty was of the kind that distinctly depends on the soul +within, the most touching, yet the most transitory. Never in her life +would she look again as she did to-night, with that lovely, childlike +joy of anticipation; deeper happiness might be hers, but never happiness +of the same kind. The men at the foot of the stairs saw it, and one +shaded his eyes with his hand. + +The green-embowered stairway was a broad one which led to a broad +landing; from thence it faced the wide doorway of the brilliantly +lighted drawing-room across the hall. In there were grouped Mrs. +Leverich, Lois, the rest of the receiving party, and the Misses Snow, +standing near a table on which were piled the flowers sent to Dosia, +their long ribbon streamers hanging down to the floor. Mr. Leverich was +at the foot of the stairs, talking to Justin; beside him was George +Sutton; beside him, again, was Billy Snow; at one side in the +half-shadow of some palms was another man. Something in the turn of the +shoulders was oddly familiar to Dosia--he moved suddenly, and for a +second she stood with that figure in a dimly lighted tunnel. This was +Bailey Girard. Hardly had this swift thought come to her than it was +followed by another: Where was Lawson? + +"Here is our princess descending the stairs," announced Mr. Sutton +gallantly. + +At that instant, as Dosia stood on the landing, with one slippered foot +on the lower step, facing her little admiring world, somebody began to +come down the flight at the side with hurrying, stumbling feet. It was +Lawson in evening dress, his olive cheeks flushed, his eyes reckless. +The men who were watching knew at once that, in common parlance, he was +"not himself." Dosia, her sweet eyes raised to meet his, only knew, with +a quick, half-frightened thrill, that he looked strangely unnatural. He +seemed to see no one but her, as he caught up to her, saying jovially: + +"You can give me that other kiss now." + +[Illustration: _Somebody began to come down with hurrying, stumbling +feet_] + +Did his hand but touch her white shoulder in that suggestion of vulgar +familiarity that branded her as with a hot iron in its scorching, +blinding shame? She could not blush, the blood had all gone to her +stricken heart and left her white as a snow wreath. Then Leverich sprang +up the steps and took Lawson by the arm, dragging him forcibly back into +the upper regions, as some of the guests began to descend. Dosia must go +in, helpless, toward those staring faces. Would no one come to her aid? +Justin? He had turned to speak to Lois. Billy Snow? His face was +averted, his eyes on the ground. Bailey Girard, her helper once, the +hero of her dreams, the man his friend had pledged for succor--Bailey +Girard stood motionless. + +It was George Sutton who came forward and, placing her hand in his arm, +led her with old-fashioned courtesy to her place beside Mrs. Leverich. +The whole incident had taken barely a moment. Dosia stood up, pale and +graceful, artificially self-composed, greeting the many people who began +to pour in, smiling above the enormous bouquet of bride roses that she +held, and chatting in a high, thin voice. Her one immediate thought was +that she must stand up straight, as if nothing had happened--stand up +straight and talk. + +"Has the girl no feeling?" thought Lois contemptuously. "Why, she did +not even blush!" + +Feeling! If Lois had known of that corpse-like feeling of death in the +heart that Dosia strove to cover decently! What did those men think of +her, or those women who saw? What could they think her like, to have +given any man a right to act that way toward her? Yet, what had Lawson +done? Nothing. He had put his hand on her shoulder--he had asked her for +a kiss. That was all. It was nothing and it was everything--something +that could never be undone. Through the dancing, through the flirting, +through all the laughing and the talking the words repeated themselves. +What had happened? It was nothing--and it was everything. Each effort +for comfort brought with it that horrible, blinding shame to surge over +her more and more, as each time also she recalled the scene, the touch. + +How dazzlingly bright the room was, how brilliantly showed the people, +how gay the scene! One partner after another claimed Dosia. She danced +and danced, and did not know she danced. This was her ball! And in all +that throng there was not one person whom she could call her friend. She +fancied that people were whispering as she passed them. She had but one +prayer--that the evening might end. She met Justin's eyes from time to +time; they looked stern and disapproving. Even Leverich had an altered +expression. She knew both he and Justin blamed her, and she was right. +Those who are responsible are squeamish as to the appearance of delicacy +in the conduct of a young girl. Lawson was in the greater condemnation, +yet there was more of personal irritation felt with her, in that such a +thing had been possible; it lowered her, and it placed them all in an +awkward position. Justin had said to Leverich briefly, "She had better +come back to us at once," and Leverich had answered, "Well, perhaps it +would be best." + +William Snow stayed outside in the hall, not coming into the ball-room +at all. He stood, instead, leaning against a doorway, and watched +everyone who approached Dosia; his brows were lowering, his attitude +aggressive. He saw that George Sutton hovered around Dosia when she was +not dancing, his round moon-face, suffused with pleasure, bent +solicitously toward her. Once she sent him for a glass of water, and +William saw that she had lapsed momentarily on a corner divan by his +sister Bertha. He noticed the wistful eyes raised to the elder woman, +but he did not hear the younger say with a suddenly tremulous voice: + +"Oh, Miss Bertha, I'm so glad to be here with you!" + +"Thank you, my dear." + +"I'm homesick," said Dosia, with a white smile. "Oh, Miss Bertha, I'm so +homesick!" Her fancy had leaped passionately to the security of the +untidy cottage in the South, with its irresponsive inmates, as if it +were really the loving home she longed for. + +"Homesick at a ball!" said Miss Bertha, with a kind inflection. She +patted the folds of the dress near her comfortingly with her thin +ungloved hand. "You oughtn't to be homesick now, you must enjoy +yourself, my dear; you're young." + +Something in her tone nearly brought the tears to Dosia's burning eyes. +If she could only have stayed with Miss Bertha! But she was claimed for +the dance. Why must you dance when you were dead? Would the ball never +end? + +The evening was half over when she found herself in front of Mr. Girard, +with some one hastily introducing them. He had just come from up-stairs +with several men, all laughing and talking together interestedly, but he +hardly had been in the room at all, and she had sensitively fancied that +he had kept out of her way on purpose, though she remembered hearing +Leverich say that he did not know how to dance, and so did not care for +balls. Now, as she had looked at him coming through the crowd, his +personality made itself felt, through her dull misery, as something +unaffectedly charming and magnetic. He was tall, straight, and well +made, with the square shoulders she remembered, and the easy, erect +carriage of a soldier. The thick waves of his light-brown hair, his +long, thin face with its large, well-shaped nose and resolute chin, all +gave an impression of young vitality and power that accorded well with +her thought of him. His eyes were light gray, and not very large; Dosia +had seen them full of laughter a moment before, but they seemed to +acquire a sudden baffling hardness now as they met hers. She had thought +of him so long and intimately that his presence near her brought its +exquisite suggestion of help and comfort. She looked up at him. It might +help even her to be near anyone as strong as that, if he were kind--as +kind as she knew he could be. Her heart was in her eyes, as ever, +unconsciously, as she half extended her hand. + +Was it by accident that he did not see it? He bowed formally as he said: +"Pardon me, but I am just on my way to the train." + +He stepped aside, leaving a free passage for the youth who came pushing +by to claim his dance with her, and was gone almost before she knew it. +He _could_ have stayed--he did not want to talk to her! She was lonely +and disgraced, and the thought of Lawson an agony. + +She did not see that, as Girard went into the hall, some one gripped him +there and said fiercely, "Come with me!" Billy Snow, his eyes blazing, +had pulled him out on the piazza beyond. + +"You've got to answer to me for that," he stuttered. "You've got to +answer to me for that, Mr. Girard. Why did you turn away from Do--from +Miss Linden like that?" + +"What right have you to ask?" questioned the other man coolly, but with +a sudden frown. + +"None, except that I--love her," said Billy, with a queer, boyish catch +in his voice. "Yes, I love her, and she doesn't care a snap of her +finger for me. But I don't care; I love her anyway, and I always shall. +I'm proud to!" The catch came again. "She may step on me, if she wants +to. You saw what happened here to-night when that damned brute--" He +made a gesture toward the hallway. + +Girard made no answer, but looked into vacancy for a moment. Before the +sight of both of them came a vision of Dosia in all the radiance of her +beautiful innocence, the flush on her cheek, and the divine, shy look in +her eyes when she first raised them to Lawson, before it changed to---- + +"You saw what happened here to-night," said Billy, with renewed heat at +the other's silence. "I don't care what _he_ said, or what you think; +she's no more to blame than----" + +The other stopped him with a quick, peremptory gesture. + +"You mistake," he said shortly. "You're speaking to the wrong person. I +saw nothing. I don't know what you mean, and I don't want to." + +"What!" cried William, staring. + +"Let me give you a piece of advice," said Girard incisively, with an odd +whiteness in his face. "Don't you know better than to bring the name of +a woman into a discussion like this? If a girl needs no defense--by +Heaven, she needs none! And that's the end of it. Only a fool talks." + +"Yes," said William, with a sharp breath, after a pause,--"yes; thank +you--I'll remember. But when I meet _him_--" He stopped significantly. + +"Oh, whatever you please!" said Girard, spreading out his hands lightly, +with a smile and a quick, steely gleam in his eyes that cut like a +scimitar. + +"Sorry I've got to go--my overcoat is just inside. No, I don't want to +drive, I'd rather walk. Good-by!" + +He went off in a moment, with long strides, down the carriage-drive to +the station, the dance-music growing fainter in the distance. She was +dancing still. Her face--her pure, sweet, pleading child's face--went +with him through the moonlight. He knew that look! When helpless things +were hurt like that--He couldn't talk to her that night, nor touch her +hand, because of that burning desire to leap on Lawson Barr and choke +the life out of him first. + + + + +CHAPTER FOURTEEN + + +The morrow after the ball was drawing to a close in darkening clouds and +an eerie, rushing wind. It had been one of the gray, cold days of +spring, with a leaden sky and a pervading damp and chill--a long, long +day to some of those in the Leverich house. Rumor whispered that Lawson +had been found upon the highroad in the early morning, unconscious, with +his face and head cut, and that there were tracks yet on the side piazza +from the feet of those who had carried him in from the muddy roads. +Rumor said that the wounds had not come from accident. The doctor's +carriage had been there, and had gone again; but the doctor might have +come to see Miss Linden, who was also said to be prostrated and in bed, +or Mrs. Leverich, who was excused to callers as having a headache. The +great house was silent and deserted-looking inside, except for the +servants engaged in setting it to rights and carrying the furniture down +from the attic, where it had been stored overnight. + +Only a few even of the inmates--of whom Dosia was one--knew that Lawson +was in an upper room, with his head bandaged, sobered and sullen, +watching through the wide windows the gray clouds shifting overhead, as +he waited the completion of the arrangements that were to take him at +nightfall a couple of thousand miles away. Leverich had put his foot +down this time; Lawson was to go. He was bringing his vices too near +home, concealment was no longer possible. All his unsavory hidden past +rose to make a fetid exhalation about his name that also affected +Dosia's. + +"It's no use," Leverich had said to his wife, in a stormy interview that +morning, "I won't have the fellow here another day. I'll ship him off to +Nevada, and not another penny will I give him while he lives. He can +sink or swim, for all me; and he _will_ sink--down to hell." + +"Oh, don't say that you won't send the poor boy any money," pleaded his +wife. + +"Not a red. I've had enough of him, Myra. _You_ know! As long as he +could appear half-way decent, I was willing to carry my end, but he's +going to the dogs now too fast for me. I've done with him; he goes +to-night, whether he's able to or not." + +Dosia was not to leave the house until the next day. Mrs. Leverich, +impelled by what sometimes seems to be the very demon of hospitality, +still pressed her to stay longer, while knowing that her absence would +be a relief. + +"It is too bad that you want to go like this," she had said crossly, +sitting in gorgeous negligee by the side of Dosia's bed, her handsome, +richly colored face showing mean lines in it. "I looked upon you quite +as a daughter; I thought we would have such nice times together. Why on +earth couldn't you let Lawson alone, as I told you to? Then none of this +would have happened." Her tone was complaining, as of one compelled to +suffer unnecessarily; there was such a total absence of warmth as to +prove that shown before as but a tinsel glow. Mrs. Leverich hated +unpleasant things, discomfort of any kind gave her an injured feeling; +if there had been a glamour around Dosia the glamour had departed. What +little depth the nature of Myra Leverich contained was all in the tie of +blood, which made her resent any imputation on Lawson. + +"I suppose you'd like to rest up-stairs to-day, and have your meals in +your room," she went on in a businesslike way. "I'll send Martha up to +pack your trunk for you--that is, if you insist on going--if she's not +too busy. The servants have so much to do to-day." + +"Oh, I can pack it myself," said Dosia. What did one stab the more +matter now? She took Mrs. Leverich's hand impulsively. "You've been so +good, so kind to me--you've given me so many pretty things,"--her voice +sank to a whisper,--"it doesn't seem to me that I ought to keep them +now. I want to give them back to you." + +"What is it you say?" asked Mrs. Leverich impatiently. "You speak so +low, I can hardly hear you. Oh, these!" She turned to a little pile of +jewel-cases on the table. "Why, I gave them to you to keep. Well, if you +feel that way about it--These pearls, perhaps, but the pins were quite +inexpensive; do keep them, really, there's no reason why you shouldn't, +you know." + +"I'd rather not," said Dosia; and her hostess gathered the things when +she went out. + +It was a long day--a long, long day. From the bed where Dosia lay, she +saw the gray clouds shifting, shifting endlessly above through the +opening made by the parted window-curtains. What had happened? +Nothing--and everything; nothing--and everything! + +Gossip reigned in the village, carrying Dosia and Lawson up and down its +gamut, even reaching the high crescendo of a secret marriage, with the +inevitably hinted smirching reasons therefor. The Leverich ball promised +to supply subject-matter for many a day to come. Mrs. Snow, from as +early as eleven o'clock in the morning, sat with a white worsted shawl +wrapped around her--the sign of elegant leisure--and rocked in the +green-bowered and steaming little sitting-room between the geraniums and +the begonias while awaiting visitors. She greeted each one who "ran in" +with the invariable remark: + +"I suppose you know all about the Leverichs' ball last night. Well, what +do you think of the goings-on there?" being intent mousingly on getting +every last little cheesy crumb of detail, and peacefully unaware of +deep, rich stores concealed in her own family. The incident of the +stairway was common property, but Miss Bertha had told nothing of +Dosia's little heart-breaking confidence to her. Her mother was amazed +at the very conservative disapproval expressed by this elder daughter, +turning for confirmation of her own views to her callers. + +"I thought, before all this, that the girl was a bold thing," she +announced in virtuous condemnation. "It's all very well for you to try +and defend her, Bertha, but neither you nor Ada would have gone on in +that way.--Oh, yes, Mrs. Willetts, my dear, he kissed her on the +stairs--just as they all say. But that was the least part of it. They +say his _manner_ to her--And he was--yes, exactly. Oh, a man doesn't +take liberties, in _such_ a way, unless a girl has allowed a good deal. +It's evident that they've--been--pret-ty--intimate. I'm sorry for the +Alexanders, they'll have a handful in her. Bertha, will you knock on the +window? The man with the eggs is passing by, and we want three. +_Bertha!_ you are not paying any attention to me. She is not herself at +all to-day, Mrs. Willetts, she looks so yellow. Yes, you do, Bertha. +Don't you think she's very yellow, Mrs. Willetts?" + +"Perhaps it is the light," suggested Mrs. Willetts evasively. + +"No, it's not the light; it's the late hours," said Mrs. Snow. "I did +not want her to go to the ball, late hours knock her up for days. +William shows the effect of it, too--his right hand is all swelled up. +He says he doesn't know how it got so, but I think it's from dancing too +much." + +"Mother!" expostulated Miss Bertha. + +"Well, my dear, I don't see why you speak to me like that. I'm not in my +second childhood yet! I don't know why he couldn't get a swelled hand +from dancing; some of these young girls are so athletic, they grip your +fingers like a vise--I know _I_ find it very unpleasant. Don't you +remember--no, of course you don't, but I do--how poor General Grant's +hand was puffed out to twice its size from people shaking it? The +picture of it was in all the papers at the time." + +"I don't think William danced much," said Ada. + +Mrs. Snow pursed her pale lips and shook her small, neat head. + +"All I know is that he was quite worn out; he slept so heavily that he +never heard me at all when I rattled at his door-knob and called to him +at three o'clock this morning that I thought I heard some one on the +porch below his window. It's very odd--I've heard it before. I don't +think it's cats, and I'm so afraid of tramps." + +The statuesque Ada looked up with a swiftly startled expression. + +"There are always tramps around," said Mrs. Willetts. + +"Yes, I know it, and it worries me to have William out so late alone. +William is nothing but a child, though he is so tall," said Mrs. Snow. +"Of course, last night his sisters were with him." She paused before +harking back to the appetizing theme. "They say Miss Linden is still +staying at the Leverichs'. I shouldn't think she'd stay there an hour +longer than she could help. They say Mrs. Alexander refused to have her +back again at first--did you hear that? They say----" + +And in Dosia's room, where she lay alone, the long, silent day wore on; +the gray clouds shifted, shifted above. What had happened? Nothing--and +everything. + +If Leverich was to keep his word about Lawson, the preparations for his +departure must be speedy. They also took money. Leverich could contract +for any amount of expenditure to be paid in the future by large drafts, +but to hand over five hundred on the minute in cash was at certain times +and hours an irritatingly difficult procedure. He cursed the necessity +now, with a fervor born of the disastrous ball, and the late hours, and +the further fact that stocks had gone down suddenly and he was out on a +deal. The gray clouds meant also, in the city, clouds of dust, which the +raw wind swept smartingly into his eyes every time he had occasion to go +out. As he was getting ready at last to go home with the purchased +tickets, he looked up and saw Justin coming in. Leverich nodded to the +other's greeting, but did not otherwise return it. + +"I won't ask you to sit down," he said curtly; "I want to catch the +four-o'clock train out. How are you getting on? All right?" + +"All wrong." + +"What's the matter?" + +"This," said Justin, with a white light in his eyes, and holding out a +letter which the other took half reluctantly, relapsing mechanically +into the chair by his desk, while Justin dropped straddle-legged into +another opposite, his face looking over the back of it, around which his +arms were clasped. He went on talking, while the other slowly unfolded +the paper and looked at the heading. + +"You remember those first big consignments we sent out after the fire? +Well, the whole output was rotten!" + +"Great heavens!" said the other, sitting up straight, with his eyes +stuck to the lines. "Are you sure it's as this says?" + +"Sure? It's the sixth letter of the kind we've had in ten days; three +came in this morning's mail. The packing-room is full now of returned +machines--what we'll do with the rest I don't know. A couple of firms +want the instruments duplicated; the rest want their money back. We +talked big at first, thought it was a mistake--that's why I didn't speak +of it to you--but it's no mistake; the whole output's rotten. The bars +are rusted and bent, so that everything's out of gear; it would cost +more to repair the machines than to make new ones." + +"Were the bars those you got from Cater?" asked Leverich. + +"Yes." + +Leverich whistled. + +"It's no fault of his, those he used were all right." + +Bullen says they must have been a fraction off size for us, and that did +the business. Heaven only knows how many more letters we'll get! I don't +see how we're to pay up and get out of it, as it is." + +"Yes," said Leverich, throwing the letter down on the desk, drumming on +it with the ends of his fingers. Then he shrugged his big shoulders as +if shunting the burden from them as he rose. "Well, I must go. Sorry I +can't help you out, but Martin's away now. By the way, when you can pay +up on that interest, we'll be glad to have it. We've been going pretty +easy with you, you know, but it can't last forever; we've got to have +our money, as well as other people." He had not meant to say anything of +the kind, but the bad news and the inferred appeal had accented the +irritation of the day. + +"Oh, certainly," said Justin, with a swift gleam in his blue eyes, and a +pride that could be large enough to make contemptuous allowance for a +little meanness in the man from whom he had received benefits. He had +counted on Leverich's ready help in this trouble, but there was more +between the two men than the money--from the first moment of meeting +this afternoon, Dosia's name, unspoken, had correlated in each a little +hidden spring of antagonism. One of Justin's womenkind had misused +Leverich's hospitality; both resented the fact and her enforced +departure. How many business situations have been made or marred by +domestic happenings, no history of finance will ever tell. + +And still the long day wore on in Dosia's silent room. + +The preparations for Lawson's going were all made before the nightfall +that was to cover his exit. His trunk had gone; his coat and hat and +hand-luggage were stacked conveniently together on a chair in the empty, +cleared-out room. + +"And this is the last money you'll ever get from me," Leverich said, +counting out the bills on the table by which Lawson sat uneasily, his +head and part of his swollen, discolored face bandaged, his dark eyes +glancing furtively from under their heavy lids. "There are your tickets, +they'll carry you through. Peters will be at the door with the carriage +at nine to take you to the train here, and James will go over with you +to the terminal and put you on the sleeper. You can't get out too fast +for me." + +"It's kind of you to kick a fellow when he's down," said Lawson +sardonically. + +"It's a pretty expensive kick," returned Leverich grimly, "but it's the +last. You'll never get a cent more from me, nor from Myra either, if I +know it." + +"Oh, very well," said Lawson indifferently. But when his sister came in +afterwards alone, he cut her words short; through all her plaintive +farewell complainings there was a manifestly cheerful prevision of +relief when he should be gone. + +"I've had enough of this--don't come in here again. He says you're to +send me no money, but you're to send me all I want--you hear?" + +"Oh, Lawson!" + +"You know why you'd better." He fixed his eye on her threateningly, and +the full color blanched suddenly from her face. + +"Yes, yes, I will." She made an effort to recover herself. "If you +realized how used up I am over all this----" + +"Don't come in here again!" His rising voice, the glance he shot at her, +sent her flying from the room--it was as if some crouching animal were +about to leap a barrier between them. + +The shifting gray clouds were darkening now into a solid mass, the eerie +wind that had sprung up whined fitfully around the corners of the house, +as he sat there waiting. After a while the door opened and shut; there +was a soft, rustling noise. Lawson looked up, and saw Dosia against that +background of the darkening sky. She was in a white silken gown, given +her by Mrs. Leverich, that fell in straight folds from her waist to her +feet. She had been in white the night of the ball. But her face! He put +his hand involuntarily across his eyes. So pinched, so wan, so small, so +piteously changed that face, he did well to hide the sight of it from +him. Only her eyes--those eyes that were the mirrors of Dosia's +soul--showed that she still lived; in them was a steadfastness and a +purpose won from death. + +She came straight toward him, though with a slow and languid step, +dragging a low chair forward to a place by his. His rough appearance, so +different from his usual carelessly well-cared-for aspect, sent a +momentary spasm over her pinched face, but that was all. She dropped +into the chair as one who found it difficult to stand, saying after a +moment's silence, in a childlike voice: + +"Please take your hand down from your eyes; please don't mind looking at +me." + +He dropped the hand heavily on the table, with some inarticulate +protest. + +"Please don't mind looking at me. I want to say--I came here to say--it +is all wrong to act as if everything were all your fault, as if you were +all to blame. I've been thinking, thinking, thinking, all day long. If I +had done what was right, none of this would have happened. It was my +fault too." + +"No!" said Lawson roughly. + +"Yes." She stopped, and repeated solemnly: "It was my fault too. They +are sending you away now because--because you had been making love to +me. But I let you"--her locked fingers twisted and untwisted as she +talked--"I _wanted_ you to, when I knew it was wrong, when I didn't +really love you. That was why you couldn't respect me. If I had been +quite high and good, you would not have--none of this would have +happened." + +"Oh!" said Lawson; the old bitter, mocking smile flickered back to his +lips. "Really, don't you think you're setting too much value even on +_your_ influence? I assure you, you can have quite a clear conscience in +that regard." + +She went on, with no attention to what he had been saying beyond the +fact that her pale cheek seemed to whiten and her gaze was fixed the +more solemnly on his. + +"I couldn't be satisfied until I had thought out the truth. There is +nothing that satisfies but the truth." Her voice sank to a whisper. "If +it cuts your heart in two, you've got to bear it--and be glad--because +it's the truth. I know now that, after all, I didn't help you; I +_hindered_. That's all the more reason for me to stand by you now. And I +came to say,"--she took his hand and laid her cold cheek upon it,--"if +you go away--take me with you! I have enough money to go too. If you +have to work, I'll work; if you are hungry, I'll be hungry. There is no +one to love you but me, and I _will_. I said I would believe in you, and +I will believe in you--as I promised--always." + +"My God!" said Lawson. He tore his hand from her, and flung his head +upon his folded arms on the table, breaking into great, voiceless sobs +that shook him from head to foot. Half-inarticulate words fell from him: +"Don't touch me--don't come near me!" At last he turned, and, gathering +up a fold of her gown, kissed it again and again. His passion raised a +faint stir of the old thrill that came from she knew not where, except +that his presence inevitably called it forth. + +"For this once you may believe in me," he said. "Look at me!" His gaze, +burning with an inner scorn, rested on hers. "You are the dearest, the +loveliest--" His voice broke once more, he had to wait before he could +regain it. "If I were to let you sink your life with mine, I'd deserve +to be hung. I've let you talk as if you could help me. Well, you can't, +and I'll tell you why--I'll clear your conscience of me forever. Down at +the bottom of it all, I don't want to be helped. I don't want to be made +better. I don't want to live a different life! There are moments when +I've deceived myself as well as you, but it was all rot. It's not that +I'm not fit for you,--no man's that!--but I'm made so that I'd rather go +to the devil than _be_ fit for you. The more you cared for me, the more +I'd drag you down. That's the whole brutal truth. The one saving grace I +own is that I tell it to you now." + +"Ah, no, no!" said Dosia, with a cry. "It can't be so." She turned her +head from side to side, as one looking for succor; her composure was +failing her, after so many cruel knife-thrusts in her already bleeding +heart--she yearned over him with a compassion and longing too great to +bear. + +"Dosia," said Lawson, standing up; his altered voice sounded far away in +her ears. + +"Yes," she answered, rising also, she knew not why. + +"This is good-by." + +She did not speak, but looked at him. His face seemed to lose the marks +of dissipation and bitterness, and become strangely boyish, strangely +sweet, in its expression. + +"See!" he said, "I could clasp my arms around you, as I'm longing to, +and kiss your darling mouth. You'd let me, wouldn't you, blessed one? +For all that I've done or all that I've been, you'd let me?" + +"Yes," whispered Dosia, trembling. + +"Then remember it of me, for one poor thing of good, that I did +not--that I was man enough to keep you free of me at the last. I'll +never touch you again--no, not so much as the hem of your gown. And, so +help me God, I'll never look upon your face again." + +"Lawson, Lawson!" + +"I'll never see your face again. When you think of me, believe and pray +that I'll keep my word. I want to have the thought of you to die with." + +"I can't bear it!" wailed Dosia suddenly. + +"Good-by." + +She made a motion as if to fling herself upon his breast, and his +gesture stayed her. They stood, instead, looking at each other; the room +faded away from before them in those moments that were of eternity. The +past--the present--the future crept up now and stood between them, +pushing them farther and farther away from each other, farther and +farther, till even parting had become a fact long ago lived through and +grown dim. They were neither man nor woman, but two souls who saw truth, +and beyond it something beautifully just, even comforting. + +Through the high window the darkening sky had become suddenly luminous +where it touched the horizon. + +Slowly she moved away from him--slowly, slowly. One last lingering, +solemn look, and the door had closed. + + + + +CHAPTER FIFTEEN + + +"Lois, would you mind very much if we didn't move into the new house, +after all?" + +"Not move into the new house! What do you mean? I thought it would be +finished next week." + +"It means that I shall not be able to increase my living expenses this +year," said Justin. + +Husband and wife were sitting on the piazza, in the shade of the purple +wistaria-vines, on a warm Sunday afternoon, a month after Dosia's +return. At the side of the steps a bed of lilies-of-the-valley made the +place fragrant; the air was full of a sort of glitter that touched the +leaves whenever they swayed into the sunshine or the shadow, and made +the grass brilliant in its new greenness. From within, the voices of the +children sounded peacefully over their early supper. + +The afternoon, so far, had savored only of domestic monotony, with no +foreshadowing of events to come. Dosia was out walking with George +Sutton, and the people who might "drop in," as they often did on +Sundays, had other engagements to-day. Lois, gowned in lavender muslin, +had been sitting on the piazza for an hour, trying to read while waiting +for Justin to join her. She had counted each minute, but now that he was +here she put down her book with a show of reluctance as she said: + +"Why didn't you tell me before? I gave the order for the window-shades +yesterday when I was in town--that was what I wanted to talk to you +about this afternoon. You have to leave your order at least two weeks +beforehand at this season of the year." + +"You can countermand it, can't you?" + +"I suppose I'll have to--if we're not to move into the house," said Lois +in a high-keyed voice, with those tiresome tears coming, as usual, to +her eyes. She felt inexpressibly hurt, disappointed, fooled. "I thought +you said you were having so many orders lately. Does the money _all_ +have to 'go back into the business,'" she quoted sardonically, "as +usual? I think there might be some left for your own family sometimes. +I'm tired of always going without for the business." It was a complaint +she had made many times before, but in each fresh pang of her resentment +she felt as if she were saying it for the first time. + +"We have orders, I'm glad to say, but we've had one big setback lately," +he answered. + +He knew, with a twinge, that she had some reason on her side--the very +effort for success was meat and drink to him, he cared not what else he +went without, so the business grew; but she _might_ have had a little +more out of it as they went along, instead of waiting for the grand +climax of undoubted prosperity. A little means so much to a wife +sometimes, because it means the recognition of her right. + +"I've been in a lot of trouble lately, Lois, though I haven't talked +about it," he continued, with an unusual appeal in his voice. The +blasting fact of those returned machines had been all he could cope +with; he had been tongue-tied when it came to speaking about it--the +whirl and counter-whirl in his brain demanded concentration, not +diffusion and easy words to interpret. But now that he had begun to see +his way clear again, he had a sudden deep craving for the unreasoning +sympathy of love. + +"I waited until the last possible moment to tell you, in hopes that I +shouldn't have to, Lois. Anyway, Saunders is going to put up a couple of +houses for next year that you'll like much better, he says." + +"Oh, it will be just the same next year; there'll always be something," +said Lois indifferently, getting up to go into the house. "I hate the +whole thing!" + +He was bitterly hurt, and far too proud to show it. He could have +counted on quickest sympathy from her once; he knew in his heart that he +could call it out even now if he chose, but he did not choose. If his +own wife could be like that, she might be. + +"Papa dear, I love you so much!" + +He looked down to see his little fair-haired girl, white-ruffled and +blue-ribboned, standing beside him a-tiptoe in her little white shoes, +her arms reached up to tighten instantly around his neck as he bent +over. + +"Zaidee, my little Zaidee," he said, and, lifting her on his knee, +strained her tightly to him with a rush of such passionate affection +that it almost unmanned him for the moment. She lay against his heart +perfectly still. After a few moments she put her small hand to his lips, +and he kissed it, and she smiled up at him, warm and secure--his little +darling girl, his little princess. Yet, even in that joy of his child, +he felt a new heart-hunger which no child love, beautiful as it was, +could ever satisfy, any more than it could satisfy the heart-hunger of +his wife. + +She had begun, since the ball, to go around again as usual, and the +house looked as if it had a mistress in it once more, though the +atmosphere of a home was lacking. She was languid, irritable, and +unsmiling, accepting Justin's occasional caresses as if they made little +difference to her, though sometimes she showed a sort of fierce, +passionate remorse and longing. Either mood was unpleasing to him; it +contained tacit reproach for his separateness. Then, there were still +occasionally evenings when he came home to find her windows darkened and +everything in the household upset and forlorn; when every footfall must +be adjusted to her ear--that ear that had strained and ached for his +coming. Her whole day culminated in that poor, meager half-hour in which +he sat by her, and in which her personality hardly reached him until he +kissed her, on leaving, with a quick, remorseful affection at being so +glad to go. + +The typometer disaster had proved as bad as, and worse than, he had +feared, but he was working retrieval with splendid effort, calling all +his personal magnetism into play where it was possible. He had borrowed +a large sum from Lewiston's,--a young private banking firm, glad at the +moment to lend at a fairly large interest for a term of months,--holding +on to the dissatisfied customers and creating new demand for the +machine, so that the sales forged ahead of Cater's, with whom there was +still a good-natured we-rise-together sort of rivalry, though it seemed +at times as if it might take a sharper edge. Leverich's dictum regarding +Cater embodied an extension of the policy to be pursued with minor, +outlying competitors: "You'll have to force that fellow out of business +or get him to come into the combine." + +Leverich again smiled on Justin. Immediate success was the price +demanded for the continuance of a backing; there was just a little of +the high-handed quality in his manner which says, "No more nonsense, if +you please." That morning after the ball had shown Justin the fangs that +were ready, if he showed symptoms of "falling down," to shake him +ratlike by the neck and cast him out. + +"Papa dear, papa dear! There's a man coming up the walk, my papa dear." + +"Why, so there is," said Justin, rising and setting the child down +gently as he went forward with outstretched hand, while Lois +simultaneously appeared once more on the piazza. "Why, how are you, +Larue? I'm mighty glad to see you back again. When did you get home?" + +"The steamer got in day before yesterday," said the newcomer, shaking +hands heartily with host and hostess. He was a man with a dark, pointed +beard and mustache, deep-set eyes, and an unusually pleasant deep voice +that seemed to imply a grave kindliness. His glance lingered over Lois. +"How are you, Mrs. Alexander? Better, I hope? Which chair shall I push +out of the sun for you--this one?" + +"Yes, thank you," responded Lois, sinking into it, with her billows of +lilac muslin and her rich brown hair against the background of green +vines. "Aren't you going to sit down yourself?" + +"Thank you, I've only a minute," said the visitor, leaning against one +of the piazza-posts, his wide hat in his hand. "I'm out at my place at +Collingswood for the summer, and the trains don't connect very well on +Sunday. I had to run down here to see some people, but I thought I +wouldn't pass you by." + +"Did you have a pleasant trip?" asked Lois. + +"Very pleasant," rejoined Mr. Larue, without enthusiasm. "Oh, by the +way, Alexander, I heard that you were inquiring for me at the office +last week. Anything I can do for you?" + +"Have you any money lying around just now that you don't know what to do +with?" asked Justin significantly. + +Mr. Larue's dark, deep-set eyes took on the guarded change which the +mention of money brings into social relations. + +"Perhaps," he admitted. + +"May I come around to-morrow at three o'clock and talk to you?" + +"Yes, do," said the other, preparing to move on. "Please don't get up, +Mrs. Alexander; you don't look as well as I'd like to see you." + +"Oh, I'm all right," said Lois. + +"You must try and get strong this summer," said Mr. Larue, his eyes +dwelling on her with an intimate, penetrating thoughtfulness before he +turned away and went, Justin accompanying him down the walk, Zaidee +dancing on behind. Lois looked after them. At the gate, Mr. Larue turned +once more and lifted his hat to her. + +A faint, lovely color had come into Lois' cheek, brought there by the +powerful tonic which she always felt in Eugene Larue's presence; she +felt cheered, invigorated, comforted, by a man with whom she had hardly +talked alone for a couple of hours altogether in their whole five years' +acquaintance. He had a way of taking thought for her on the slightest +occasion, as he had to-day; he knew when she entered a room or left it, +and she knew that he knew. + +It was one of those peculiar, unspoken sympathetic intimacies which +exist between certain men and women, without the conscious volition of +either. He knew as soon as his eyes fell on her whether she were glad or +sorry, lonely or confident, and his glance or the tone of his voice was +a response to her mood; he saw instinctively when she was too warm or +too cold, or needed a rest. Her husband, who loved her, had no such +intuitions; he had to be told clumsily, and even then might not +understand. Yet she had not loved him the less because she must beat +down such little barriers herself; perhaps she had loved him the more +for it--he was the man to whom she belonged heart and soul--but the +barriers were a fact. She had an absolute conviction that she could do +nothing that Eugene Larue would misunderstand, any more than she +misunderstood her involuntary attraction for him. Above all things, he +reverenced her as his ideal of what a wife and mother should be. He +would have given all he possessed to have the kind of love which Justin +took as a matter of course. + +Eugene Larue had been married himself for ten years, for more than half +of which time his wife, whom Lois had never seen, had lived abroad for +the further study of music, an art to which she was passionately +devoted. If there had been any effort to bring a hint of scandal into +the semi-separation, it had been instantly frowned away; there was +nothing for it to feed on. Mrs. Larue lived in Dresden, under the +undoubted chaperonage of an elderly aunt and in the constant publicity +of large musical entertainments and gatherings. She sometimes played the +accompaniments of great singers. Her husband went over every spring, +presumably to be with her, living alone for the greater part of the year +at his large place at Collingswood. Neither was ever known to speak of +the other without the greatest respect, and questions as to when either +had been "heard from" were usual and in order; it was always tacitly +taken for granted that Mrs. Larue's expatriation was but temporary. + +But Lois knew, without needing to be told, that he was a man who had +suffered, and still suffered at times profoundly, from having all the +tenderness of his nature thrown back upon itself, without reference to +that sting of the known comment of other men: "It must be pretty tough +to have your wife go back on you like that." In some mysterious way his +wife had not needed the richness of the affection that he lavished on +her. If her heart had been warmed by it a little when she married him, +it had soon cooled off; she was glad to get away, and he had proudly let +her go. + +Lois smiled up at Justin with sudden coquetry as he mounted the porch +steps, but he only looked at her absently as he said: + +"There seems to be a shower coming up. Dosia's hurrying down the road. I +think I'd better take the chairs in now." + + + + +CHAPTER SIXTEEN + + +Dosia had come back from the Leverichs' to a household in which her +presence no longer made any difference for either pleasure or annoyance. +She came and went unquestioned, practiced interminably, and spent her +evenings usually in her own room, developing a hungry capacity for +sleep, of which she could not seem to have enough--sleep, where all +one's sensibilities were dulled, and shame and tragedy forgotten. She +had, however, rather more of the society of the children than before, +owing to their mother's preoccupation. Nothing could have been more of a +drop from her position as princess and lady-of-love in the Leverich +domicile, where she had been the center of attraction and interest. +Everything seemed terribly unnatural here, and she the most unnatural of +all--as if she were clinging temporarily to a ledge in mid-air, waiting +for the next thing to happen. + +Lois had really tried to show some sympathy for the girl, but was held +back by her repugnance to Lawson, which inevitably made itself felt. She +couldn't understand how Dosia could possibly have allowed herself to get +into an equivocal position with such a man--"really not a gentleman," as +she complained to Justin, and he had answered with the vague remark that +you could never tell about a girl; even in its vagueness the reply was +condemning. + +The people whom Dosia met in the street looked at her with curiously +questioning eyes as they talked about casual matters. Mrs. Leverich +bowed incidentally as she passed in her carriage, where another visitor +was ensconced, a blonde lady from Montreal, in whom her hostess was +absorbed. + +Dosia had been twice to see Miss Bertha, with a blind, desultory +counting on the sympathy that had helped her before, but she had been +unfortunate in the times for her visits; on the first occasion Mrs. +Snow, with majestic demeanor and pursed lips, had kept guard, and on the +second the whole feminine part of the family were engaged, in weird +pinned-up garments, in the sacred rite of setting out the innumerable +house-plants, with the help of a man hired semiannually, for the day, to +put out the plants or to take them in. Callers are a very serious thing +when you have a man hired by the day, who must be looked after every +minute, so that he may be worth his wage. As Mrs. Snow remarked, "People +ought to know when to come and when not to." Dosia got no farther than +the porch, and though Miss Bertha asked her to come again, and gave her +a sprig of sweet geranium, with a kind little pressure of the hand, she +was not asked to sit down. + +Your trouble wasn't anybody else's trouble, no matter how kind people +were; it was only your own. Billy Snow, who had always been her devoted +cavalier, patently avoided her, turning red in the face and giving her a +curt, shamefaced bow as he went by, having his own reasons therefor. It +would have hurt her, if anything of that kind could have hurt her very +much. But Dosia was in the half-numb condition which may result from +some great blow or the fall from a great height, save for those moments +when she was anguished suddenly by poignant memories of sharpest +dagger-thrusts, at which her heart still bled unbearably afresh, as when +one remembers the sufferings of the long-peaceful dead which one must, +for all time, be terribly powerless to alleviate. + +Mr. Sutton alone kept his attitude toward her unchanged. He sent her +great bunches of roses that seemed somehow alive and comfortingly akin +when she buried her face in them. He had come to see her every week, +though twice she had gone to bed before his arrival. If his attitude was +changed at all, it was to a heightened respect and interest and +solicitude. It might be that in the subsidence of other claims Mr. +Sutton, who had a good business head, saw an occasion of profit for +himself which he might well be pardoned for seizing. He required little +entertaining when he called, developing an unsuspected faculty for +narrative conversation. + +Foolish and inane in amatory "attentions" to young ladies, George was no +fool. He had a fund of knowledge gained from the observation of current +facts, and could talk about the newsboys' clubs, or the condition of the +docks, or the latest motor-cars and ballooning, or the practical reasons +why motives for reform didn't reform; and the talk was usually +semi-interesting, and sometimes more--he had the personal intimacy with +his topics which gives them life. Dosia began to find him, if not +exciting, at least not tiring; restful, indeed. She began genuinely to +like him; he took her thoughts away from herself, while obviously always +thinking of her. She did not even actively dislike those moments when +his pale blue eyes became suffused with admiration or a warmer feeling, +but was, instead, somewhat gratefully touched by it. Not only her +starved vanity but her starved self-respect cried out for food, and he +alone gave it to her. + +This Sunday afternoon Dosia--modish and natty in her short walking-skirt +and little jacket of shepherd's check, and a clumpy, black-velveted, +pink-rosed straw hat--walked companionably beside the square-set figure +of George up the long slope of the semi-suburban road. Dosia had +preferred to walk instead of driving. There was a strong breeze, +although the sun was warm; and the summerish wayside trees and grasses +had inspired him with the recollection of a country boy's calendar--a +pleasing, homely monologue. He was, however, never too occupied with his +theme to stoop over and throw a stone out of her path, or to hold her +little checked umbrella so that the sun should not shine in her eyes, or +to offer her his hand with old-fashioned gallantry if there was any hint +of an obstacle to surmount. The way was long, yet not too long. They +stopped, however, when they reached the summit, to rest for a while +leaning against the top bar of the rail fence on the side of the slope +below the carriage drive, looking down into the green meadows below; +beyond, afar off, there was the white mist-hazed glimpse of a river with +toy houses crowded thickly into the middle distance. + +As they stood there, looking into the distance for some minutes, Dosia +with thoughts far, far from the scene, George Sutton's voice suddenly +broke the silence: + +"I had a letter from Lawson Barr yesterday." + +Dosia's heart gave a leap that choked her. It was the first time that +anybody had spoken his name since he left. She had prayed for him every +night--how she had prayed! as for one gone forever from any other reach +than that of the spirit. At this heart-leap... fear was in it--fear of +any news she might hear of him; fear of the slighting tone of the person +who told it, which she would be powerless to resent; fear of awakening +in herself the echo of that struggle of the past. + +"He's at the mines, isn't he?" she questioned, in that tone which she +had always striven to make coolly natural when she spoke of him. + +"Yes; but I don't believe he's working there yet. He seems to be mostly +engaged in playing at the dance-hall for the miners. Sounds like him, +doesn't it?" + +"Yes," assented Dosia, looking straight off into the distance. + +"I call it hard luck for Barr to be sent out there," pursued Mr. Sutton. +"It's the worst kind of a life for him. He's an awfully clever fellow; +he could do anything, if he wanted to. I don't know any man I admire +more, in certain ways, than I do Barr." + +Sutton spoke with evident sincerity. Lawson's clever brilliancy, his +social ease and versatility and musical talent, were all what he himself +had longed unspeakably to possess. Besides, there was a deeper bond. +"I've known him ever since he was a curly-headed boy, long before he +came to this place," he continued. + +"Oh, did you?" cried Dosia, suddenly heart-warm. With a flash, some +words of Mrs. Leverich's returned to her--"Mr. Sutton brought Lawson +home last night." So that was the reason! Her voice was tremulous as she +went on: "It is very unusual to hear anyone speak as you do of Mr. Barr. +Everybody here seems to look down on--to despise him." + +"Oh, that sort of talk makes me sick," said George, with an unexpected +crude energy; his good-natured face took on a sneering, contemptuous +expression. "Men talking about him who themselves----" He looked down +sidewise at Dosia and closed his lips tightly. No man was more +respectable than he,--respectability might be said to be his cult,--yet +he lived in daily, matter-of-fact touch with a world of men wherein +"ladies" were a thing apart. No man was ever kept from any sort of +confidence by the fact of George Sutton's presence. His feeling for Barr +and toleration of his shortcomings were partly due to the fact that +George himself had also been brought up in one of those small, dull +country towns in which all too many of the cleanly, white, God-fearing +houses have no home in them for a boy and his friends. + +"If Lawson had had money, everybody would have thought he was all +right," he asserted shortly. "Perhaps we'd better be going home; it +looks as if there was a shower coming up. Money makes a lot of +difference in this world, Miss Dosia." + +"I suppose it does; I've never had it," said Dosia simply. + +"Maybe you'll have it some day," returned Mr. Sutton significantly. His +pale eyes glowed down at her as they walked back along the road +together, but the fact was not unpleasant to her; Lawson's name had +created a new bond between them. Poor, storm-beaten Dosia felt a warm +throb of friendship for George. He sympathized with Lawson; _he_ prized +her highly, if nobody else did, and he was not ashamed to show it. He +went on now with genuine emotion: "I know one thing; if--if I had a +wife, she'd never have to wish twice for anything I could give her, Miss +Dosia." + +"She ought to care a good deal for you, then," suggested Dosia, picking +her way daintily along the steeply sloping path, her little black ties +finding a foothold between the stones, with Mr. Sutton's hand ever on +the watch to interpose supportingly at her elbow. + +"No, I wouldn't ask that; I'd only ask her to let me care for _her_. I +think most men expect too much from their wives," said George. "I don't +think they've got the right to ask it. And I don't think a man has any +right to marry until he can give the lady all she ought to have--that's +my idea! If any beautiful young lady, as sweet as she was beautiful, did +me the honor of accepting my hand,"--Mr. Sutton's voice faltered with +honest emotion,--"I'd spend my life trying to make her happy, I would +indeed, Miss Dosia. I'd take her wherever she wanted to go, as far as my +means would afford; she should have anything I could get for her." + +"I think you are the very kindest man I have ever known," said Dosia, +with sincerity, touched by his earnestness, though with a far-off, +outside sort of feeling that the whole thing was happening in a book. +Her vivid imagination was alluringly at work. In many novels which she +had read the real hero was the other man, whom no one noticed at first, +and who seemed to be prosaic, even uncouth and stupid, when confronted +with his fascinating rival, yet who turned out to be permanently true +and unselfish and omnisciently kind, the possessor, in spite of his +uninspiring exterior, of all the sterling qualities of love--in short, +"John," the honest, patient, constant "John" of fiction. His affection +for the maiden might be of so high a nature that he would not even claim +her as a wife after marriage until she had learned truly to love him, +which of course she always did. If Mr. Sutton were really "John"--Dosia +half-freakishly cast a swift inventorial side-glance at the gentleman. + +The next moment they turned into the highroad, and a rippling smile +overspread her face. + +"Here's the very lady for you now," she remarked flippantly, as Ada +Snow, prayer-book in hand, came into view at the crossing against a dark +cloud in the background, on her way to a friend's house from service at +the little mission chapel on the hill. Ada's cheeks took on a not +unbecoming flush, her eyes drooped modestly beneath Mr. Sutton's +glance,--a maidenly tribute to masculine superiority,--before she went +down the side-road. + +Mr. Sutton's face reddened also. "Now, Miss Dosia! Miss Ada may be very +charming, but I wouldn't marry Miss Ada if she were the only girl left +in the world. I give you my word I wouldn't. _You_ ought to know----" + +"We'll have to hurry, or we'll be caught in the rain," interrupted +Dosia, rushing ahead with a rapidity that made further conversation an +affair of ineffective jerks, though she dreaded to get back to the house +and be left alone to the numb dreariness of her thoughts. Justin and +Lois were gathering up the rugs and sofa-pillows as the two reached the +piazza, to take them in from the blackly advancing storm. Lois greeted +Mr. Sutton with unusual cordiality; perhaps she also dreaded the +accustomed dead level. + +"Do come in, you'll be caught in the rain if you go on. Can't you stay +to a Sunday night's tea with us?" + +"Oh, do," urged Dosia, disregarding the delighted fervor of his gaze. +Lois' hospitality, never her strong point, had been much in abeyance +lately; to have a fourth at the table would be a blessed relief. She +felt a new tie with Mr. Sutton--they both sympathized with Lawson, +believed in him! + +She ran up-stairs to change her walking-suit for a soft little +round-necked summer gown of pinkish tint, made at Mrs. Leverich's, which +somehow made her pale little face and fair, curling hair look like a +cameo. When she came down again, she ensconced herself in one corner of +the small spindle sofa, to which Zaidee instantly gravitated, her red +lips parted over her little white teeth in a smile of comfort as she +cuddled within Dosia's half-bare round white arm, while Mr. Sutton, +drawing his chair up very close, leaned over Dosia with eyes for nobody +else, his round face getting brick-red at times with suppressed emotion, +though he tried to keep up his part in an amiable if desultory +conversation. Lois reclined languidly in an easy-chair, and Justin +alternately played with and scolded the irrepressible Redge, in the +intervals of discourse. + +Through the long open windows they watched the sky, which seemed to +darken or grow light as fitfully, in the progress of the oncoming storm; +the wind lifted the vines on the piazza and flapped them down again; the +trees bent in straightly slanting lines, with foam-tossing of green and +white from the maples; still it did not rain. Presently from where Dosia +sat she caught sight of a passer-by on the other side of the street--a +tall, straight, well-set-up figure with the easy, erect carriage of a +soldier. He stopped suddenly when he was opposite the house, looked over +at it, and seemed to hesitate; then he moved on hastily, only to stop +the next instant and hesitate once more. This time he crossed over with +a quick, decided step. + +"Why, here's Girard!" cried Justin, rising with alacrity. His voice came +back from the hall. "Awfully glad you took us on your way. Leverich told +you where I lived? You'll have to stay now until the storm is over. +Lois, this is Mr. Girard. You know Sutton, of course. Dosia----" + +"I have already met Mr. Girard," said Dosia, turning very white, but +speaking in a clear voice. This time it was she who did not see the +half-extended hand, which immediately dropped to his side, though he +bowed with politely murmured assent. Stepping back to a chair half +across the room, he seated himself by Justin. + +A wave of resentment, greater than anything that she had ever felt +before, had surged over Dosia at the sight of him, as his eyes, with a +sort of quick, veiled questioning in them, had for an instant met +hers--resentment as for some deep, irremediable wrong. Her cheeks and +lips grew scarlet with the proudly surging blood, she held her head +high, while Mr. Sutton looked at her as if bewitched--though he turned +from her a moment to say: + +"Weren't you up on the Sunset Drive this afternoon, Girard?" + +"Yes; I thought you didn't see me," said the other lightly, himself +turning to respond to a question of Justin's, which left the other group +out of the conversation, an exclusion of which George availed himself +with ardor. + +[Illustration: _Mr. Sutton leaned over Dosia with eyes for nobody else_] + +There is an atmosphere in the presence of those who have lived through +large experiences which is hard to describe. As Girard sat there talking +to Justin in courteous ease, his elbow on the arm of his chair, his chin +leaning on the fingers of his hand, he had a distinction possessed by no +one else in the room. Even Justin, with all his engaging personality, +seemed somehow a little narrow, a little provincial, by the side of +Girard. + +Lois, who had been going backward and forward from the +dining-room,--with black-eyed Redge, sturdy and turbulent, following +after her astride a stick, until the nurse was called to take him +away,--came and sat down quite naturally beside this new visitor as if +he had been an old friend, and was evidently interested and pleased. As +a matter of fact, though all women as a rule liked Girard at sight, he +much preferred the society of those who were married, when he went in +women's society at all. Girls gave him a strange inner feeling of +shyness, of deficiency--perhaps partly caused by the conscious +disadvantages of a youth other than that to which he had been born, but +it was a feeling with which he would have been the last to be credited, +and which he certainly need have been the last to possess. Like many +very attractive people, he had no satisfying sense of attractiveness +himself. + +It was raining now, but very softly, after all the wild preparation, +with a hint of sunshine through the rain that sent a pale-green light +over the little drawing-room, with its spindle-legged furniture and the +water-colors on its walls, though the gloom of the dining-room beyond +was relieved only by the silver and the white napkins on the round +mahogany table with a glass bowl of green-stemmed, white-belled +lilies-of-the-valley in the center. + +The people in the two separate groups in the drawing-room took on an +odd, pearly distinctness, with the flesh-tints subdued. In this +commonplace little gathering on a Sunday afternoon the material seemed +to be only a veil for the things of the spirit--subtle +cross-communications of thought-touch or repulsion, impressions +tinglingly felt. Something seemed to be curiously happening, though one +knew not what. To Dosia's swift observation, Girard had lost some of the +brightness that had shone upon her vision the night of the ball; he +looked as if he had been under some harassing strain. Her first +impression that he had come into the house reluctantly was reinforced +now by an equal impression that he stayed with reluctance. Why, then, +had he come at all? Was it only to escape the rain? Her rescuer, the +hero of her dreams, still held his statued place in the shrine of her +memory, as proudly, defiantly opposed to this stranger. Had he known? He +must have known, just as she had. It was not Lawson who had hurt her the +most! She could not hear what he said though the room was small; he and +Justin and Lois were absorbed together. It was evident that he frankly +admired Lois, who was smiling at him. Yet, as he talked, Dosia became +curiously aware that from his position directly across the room he was +covertly watching her as she sat consentingly listening to George +Sutton, whose round face was bending over very near, his thick coat +sleeve pinning down the filmy ruffles of hers as it rested on the carved +arm of the little sofa. + +She still held Zaidee cuddled close to her, the light head with its big +blue bow lying against her breast, as the child played with the simple +rings on the soft fingers of the hand she held. + +Mr. Sutton got up, at Dosia's bidding, to alter the shade, and she moved +a little, drawing Zaidee up to her to kiss her; Girard the next instant +moved slightly also, so that her face was still within his range of +vision, the intent gray eyes shaded by his hand. It was not her +imagining--she felt the strong play of unknown forces; the gaze of those +two men never left her, one covertly observant, the other most obviously +so. George came back from his errand only to sit a little closer to +Dosia, his eyes in their most suffused state. He was, indeed, in that +stage of infatuation which can no longer brook any concealment, and for +which other men feel a shamefaced contempt, though a woman, even while +she derides, holds it in a certain respect as a foolish manifestation of +something inherently great, and a tribute to her power. To Dosia's +indifference, in this strange dual sense of another and resented +excitement,--an excitement like that produced on the brain by some +intolerably high altitude,--Mr. Sutton's attentions seemed to breathe +only of a grateful warmth; she felt that he was being very, very kind. +She could ask him to do anything for her, and he would do it, no matter +what it was, just because she asked him. He was planning now a day on +somebody's yacht, with Lois, of course; and "What do you say, Miss +Dosia--can't we make it a family party, and take the children too?" he +asked, with eager divination of what would please this lovely thing. + +"Yes, oh, why can't you take _us_?" cried Zaidee, trembling with +delight. + +The rain had ceased, but the sunlight had vanished, too; the whole place +was growing dark. There was a sudden silence, in which Dosia's voice was +heard saying: + +"I'll get my photograph now, if you want it." She rose and left the +room,--she could not have stayed in it a moment longer,--and Zaidee ran +over to her father, her white frock crumpled and the cheek that had lain +against Dosia rosy warm. + +"You had better light the lamp, Justin," said Lois, and then, "Oh, +you're not going?" as Girard stood up. + +He turned his bright, gentle regard upon her. "I'm afraid I'll have to." + +"I expected you to stay to tea; I've had a place set for you." + +"I'd like to very much--it's kind of you to ask me--but I'm afraid not +to-night. I'll see you to-morrow, Sutton, I suppose. Good evening, Mrs. +Alexander." His hand-touch seemed to give an intimacy to the words. + +"Your stick is out here in the hall somewhere," said Justin, +investigating the corners for it, while Zaidee, who had followed the +two, stood in the doorway. + +"I wonder if this little girl will kiss me good-by?" asked Girard +tentatively. + +"Will you, Zaidee?" asked her father, in his turn. + +For all answer, Zaidee raised her little face trustfully. Girard dropped +on one knee, a very gallant figure of a gentleman, as he put both arms +around the small, light form of the child and held her tightly to him +for one brief instant while his lips pressed that warm cheek. When he +strode lightly away, waving his hand behind him in farewell, it was with +an odd, somber effect of having said good-by to a great deal. + +For the second time that day, it seemed that Zaidee had been the +recipient of an emotion called forth by some one else. + + + + +CHAPTER SEVENTEEN + + +"Lois?" + +"Yes?" + +Dosia had come into the nursery, where Lois sat sewing, a canary +overhead singing with shrill velocity in a stream of sunshine. Her look +gave no invitation to Dosia. She did not want to talk; she was busy, as +ever, with--no matter what she was doing--the self-fullness of her +thoughts, which chained her like a slave. She had been longing to move +into the other house, where, amid new surroundings, she could escape +from the familiar walls and outlook that each brought its suggestion of +pain, with the wearying iterancy of habit, no matter how she wanted to +be happy. + +Dosia dropped half-unwillingly into a chair as she said: + +"I've something to tell you, Lois." + +"Well?" + +"I'm engaged to George Sutton." + +"Dosia!" + +Lois' work fell from her hand as she stared at the girl. + +"I'm sure I don't see that you need be surprised," said Dosia. She +looked pale and expressionless, as one who did not expect either +sympathy or interest. + +"No, I suppose not," said Lois. "Of course, I know he has been paying +you a great deal of attention, but then, he has paid other girls almost +as much." She stopped, with her eyes fixed on Dosia. In a sense, she had +rather hoped for this; the marriage would certainly solve many +difficulties, and be a very fine thing for Dosia--if Dosia could----! +Yet now the idea revolted Lois. To marry a man without loving him would +have been to her, at any time or under any stress, a physical +impossibility. Marriage for friendship or suitability or support was +outside her scheme of comprehension. She spoke now with cold +disapproval: + +"Dosia, you don't know what you are doing. You don't love George +Sutton." + +Dosia's face took on the well-known obstinate expression. + +"He loves me, anyhow, and he is satisfied with me as I am. If he is +satisfied, I don't see why anyone else need object! He likes me just as +I am, whether I care for him or not." + +She clasped both hands over her knee as she went on with that +unexplainable freakishness to which girlhood is sometimes maddeningly +subject, when all feeling as well as reason seems in abeyance, though +her voice was tremulous. "And I _do_ care for him. I like him better +than anyone I know; we are sympathetic on a great many points. No +one--_no one_ has been so kind to me as he! He doesn't want anything but +to make me happy." + +Lois made a gesture of despair. "Oh, _kind_! As if a man like George +Sutton, who has done nothing but have his own way for forty years, is +going to give up wanting it now! Marriage is very different from what +girls imagine, Dosia." + +"I suppose so," said Dosia indifferently. She rose and came over to +Lois. "Would you like to see my ring?" She turned the circle around on +her finger, displaying a diamond like a search-light. "He gave it to me +last night." + +"It is very handsome," said Lois. "I suppose you will have to be +thinking of clothes soon," she added, with a glimmer of the natural +feminine interest in all that pertains to a wedding, since further +protest seemed futile. "I will write to Aunt Theodosia." + +"Thank you," said Dosia dutifully. + +A hamper of fruit came for her at luncheon, almost unimaginably +beautiful in its arrangement of white hothouse grapes and peaches, and +strawberries as large as the peaches, and the contents of a box of +flowers filled every available vase and jug and bowl in the house, as +Dosia arranged them, with the help of Zaidee and Redge--the former +winningly helpful, and the latter elfishly agile, his bare knees +nut-brown from the sun of the spring-time, jumping on her back whenever +she stooped over, to be seized in her arms and hugged when she recovered +herself. Flowers and children, children and flowers! Nothing could be +sweeter than these. + +In the afternoon, in a renewed capacity for social duties, she put on +her hat with the roses and went to make a call, long deferred and +hitherto impossible of accomplishment, on a certain Mrs. Wayne, a bride +of a few months, who, as Alice Torrington, had been one of the girls of +her outer circle. Dosia did not mean to announce her engagement, but she +felt that Alice Wayne's state of mind would be more sympathetic, even if +unconsciously so, than Lois'. + +As she walked along now, she thought of George with a deeply grateful +affection. How good he was to her! He had been unexpectedly nice when he +had asked her to marry him; the very force of his feeling had given him +an unusual dignity. His voice had broken almost with a groan on the +words: + +"I have never known anyone with such a beautiful nature as yours, Miss +Dosia! I just worship you! I only want to live to make you happy." + +He did not himself care for motoring--being, truth to tell, afraid of +it--but she was to choose a car next week. She had told him about her +father and her mother and the children. She was to have the latter come +up to stay with her after she was married--do anything for them that she +would. In imagination now she was taking them through all the shops in +town, buying them toy horses and soldiers and balls, and dressing them +in darling little light-blue sailor-suits. She could hardly wait for the +time to come! She thought with a little awe that she hadn't known that +Mr. Sutton was as well off as he seemed to be. And the way he had spoken +of Lawson--Ah, Lawson! That name tugged at her heart; this suddenly +became one of those anguished moments when she yearned over him as over +a beloved lost child, to be wept for, succored only through her efforts. +She must never forget! "Lawson, I believe in you." She stopped in the +shaded, quiet street with its garden-surrounded houses, and said the +words aloud with a solemn sense of immortal infinite power, before +coming back to the eager surface planning of her own life, with an +intermediate throb of a new and deeper loneliness. The Dosia who had so +upliftingly faced truth had only strength enough left now to evade it. +Perhaps some of that exquisite inner perception of her nature had been +jarred confusingly out of touch. + +[Illustration: _Flowers and children, children and flowers_] + +Mrs. Wayne was in, although, the maid announced, she had but just +returned from town. A moment later Dosia heard herself called from +above: + +"Dosia Linden! Won't you come up-stairs? You don't mind, do you?" + +"No, indeed," answered Dosia, obeying the summons with alacrity, and +pleased that she should be considered so intimate. This was more than +she had expected--an informal reception and talk! With Dosia's own +responsive warmth, she felt that she really must always have wanted to +see more of Alice, who, in her lacy pink-and-white negligee, might be +pardoned for wishing to show off this ornament of her trousseau. + +"I hope you won't mind the appearance of this room," she announced, +after a hospitable violet-perfumed embrace. "I went to town so early +this morning that I didn't have time to really set things to rights, and +I don't like the new maid to touch them." + +"You have so many pretty things," said Dosia admiringly. + +"Yes, haven't I? Take that seat by the window, it's cooler. Please don't +look at that dressing-table; Harry leaves his neckties everywhere, +though he has his own chiffonier in the other room--he's such a _bad_ +boy! He seems to think I have nothing to do but put away his things for +him." + +Mrs. Wayne paused with a bridal air of important matronly +responsibility. She was a tall, thin, black-haired, dashing girl, not at +all pretty, who was always spoken of compensatingly as having a great +deal of "style," but she seemed to have gained some new and gentle charm +of attraction because she was so happy. + +"Have this fan, won't you?" She went on talking: "Harry and I saw you +and George Sutton out walking yesterday. We were in the motor, and had +stopped up on the Drive to speak to Mr. Girard. He _is_ just the +loveliest thing! What a pity he won't go where there are girls! Harry is +quite jealous, though I tell him he needn't be." Mrs. Wayne paused with +a lovely flush before going on. "You didn't see us, though we stopped +quite near you. My dear, it's _very_ evident that--" She paused once +more, this time with arch significance. "Oh, you needn't be afraid, I +never know anything until I'm told. But George is such a good fellow! +I'm sure I ought to know--he was perfectly devoted to me. He's not the +kind girls are apt to take a fancy to, perhaps,--girls are so foolish +and romantic,--but he'd be awfully nice to his wife. Harry says he's a +lot richer than anybody knows. And people are so much happier +married--the right people, of course." + +"Did you have a pleasant time while you were away?" asked Dosia, as she +lay back in her low, wide, prettily chintz-covered arm-chair. If she had +had some half-defined impulse to confide in Alice Wayne, it was gone, +melted away in this too fervid sunshine of approval. She had, instead, +one of her accessions of dainty shyness; the ring on her finger, +underneath her glove, seemed to burn into her flesh. Her eyes roved +warily around the room as Mrs. Wayne talked about her wedding-trip and +her husband, folding up her Harry's neckties as she chattered, her +fingers lingering over them with little secret pats. She brought out +some of her pretty dresses afterwards for Dosia's inspection. From the +open door of a closet beyond, a pair of shoes was distinctly +visible--Harry's shoes, which the wife laughingly put back into place as +she went and closed the door. It was impossible not to see that even +those clumsy, monstrously thick-soled things were touched with sentiment +for her because the feet of her dearest had worn them. + +In Dosia's world so far it was a matter of course that some people were +married--their household life went unnoticed, the fact had no relation +to her own intangible dreams or hopes; it was a condition inherent to +these elders, and not of any particular interest to her. But Alice Wayne +had been a girl like herself until now. This matter-of-fact community of +living forced itself upon her notice, as if for the first time, as an +absolutely new thing. The blood surged up suddenly through the ice of +her indifference; the room choked her. George Button's neckties, not to +speak of his shoes----! + +"I'll have to be going," she interrupted precipitately, rising as she +spoke. + +"Why,"--Alice Wayne stopped in the middle of a sentence, looking at her +in surprise,--"what's the matter? Aren't you well?" + +"Yes, yes, but I have an appointment," affirmed Dosia desperately. "I've +been enjoying it all so much, but I'd forgotten I must go--at once! +Good-by." + +She almost ran on the way home. There was no appointment, but it was +imperative that she should be alone, away from all suggestion of the +newly married. She hoped that there would be no visitors, but as she +neared the house she saw that there was some one on the piazza--George +Sutton, frock-coated and high-hatted, with a rose above his white +waistcoat and a beaming face that rivaled the rose in color as he came +to meet her. + +"Why, I thought you were not coming until this evening," said Dosia +demandingly,--"not until you could see Justin." + +"Did you think I could stay away as long as that?" asked George. His +manner the night before had been almost reverential in the depth of his +honest emotion; the kiss he had imprinted on her forehead had seemed of +an impersonal nature, and she a princess who regally allowed it. She was +conscious now of a change. + +"Where is Lois?" she asked, as they went up the steps together. + +"The maid said she had stepped out for a moment." + +"Then we'll sit here on the piazza and wait for her," said Dosia, +without looking at her lover. Taking the hat-pins out of her hat, she +deposited it on a chair with a quick decision of movement, and then +seated herself by a wicker table, while Mr. Sutton, looking +disappointed, was left perforce to the rocker on the other side. + +The piazza was rather a long one, and, except for a rambling vine, open +toward the street; but around the corner of the house Japanese screens +walled it off from passers-by into a cozy arbored nook, sweet with big +bowls of roses. + +"Come around to the other end of the porch," said George appealingly. + +"No," said Dosia, with her obstinate expression; "I like it here." + +She stripped the long gloves from her arms, and spread out her hands, +palms upward, in her lap. The diamond, which had been turned inward, +caught the sunshine gloriously. His gaze fell upon it, and he smiled. +Dosia saw the smile and reddened. + +"I wish you wouldn't sit there looking at me," she said in a tone which +she tried to make neutral. + +"Come down to the other end of the piazza--just for a moment." + +"No!" said Dosia again. She gave a sudden movement and changed her tone +sharply: "Oh, there's a spider on the table there, crawling toward me! +Please take it away." Her voice rose uncontrollably. "I hate spiders-- +oh, I _hate_ spiders! I'm afraid of them. Make it go away! please! +There--now you've got it; throw it off the piazza, quick! Don't bring it +near me!" + +"The little spider won't hurt you," said George enjoyingly. + +Dosia, flushing and paling alternately, carried entirely out of her +deterring placidity, her blue eyes dilatingly raised to his, her red +lips quivering, was distractingly lovely; fear gave to her quick, +uncalculated movements the grace of a wild thing. George, in spite of +his solid good qualities, possessed the mistaken playfulness of the +innately vulgar. He advanced, the spider now held between his thumb and +forefinger, a little nearer to her--a little nearer yet. There is a type +of bucolic mind to which the causeless, palpitating fear of a woman is +an exquisitely funny joke. + +"Don't," said Dosia again, in a strangled voice, ready to fly from the +chair. The spider touched her sleeve, with George's fatuously smiling +face behind it. The next instant she had fled wildly down to the +screened corner of the veranda, with George after her, only to be +stopped by the screens at the end. His following arms closed tightly +around her as he kissed her in happy triumph. + +After one wild, instinctive effort at struggle, Dosia stood perfectly +still, with that peculiarly defensive self-possession that came into +play at such times. She seemed to yield entirely now to the rightful +caresses of an accepted lover as she said in a perfectly even and casual +tone of voice: + +"Let me go for a moment, George! I must get my handkerchief from +up-stairs. I'll be right back again." + +"Don't be gone long," said George fondly, releasing her +half-unconsciously at the accent of custom. + +"No," said Dosia, very pale, and smiling back at him coquettishly as she +went off with unhurried step--to dart up two pairs of stairs like a +flying, hunted thing, and into her room, to lock the door fast and bolt +it as if from the thoughts that pursued her. + +Lois, coming up the stairs half an hour later, rattled the door-knob +ineffectually before she knocked. + +"Dosia, what's the matter? To whom are you talking? Let me in! Katy +said, when she came up, you would not answer--she said Mr. Sutton had +been walking up and down the piazza for a long time. Dosia, let me in; +let me in this minute!" + +The key clicked in the lock, the bolt slipped back, and the door flew +open. Dosia, in her blue muslin frock, her hair in wild disorder, was +standing in the center of the room, fiercely rubbing her already scarlet +cheeks with a rough towel. Every trace of assumed listlessness had +vanished; she was frantically alive, with blazing, defiant eyes, and +talking half-disconnectedly. + +"Never let him come here again--never, never!" she appealed to Lois. + +[Illustration: _"Never let him come here again--never, never!_"] + +"Whom do you mean?" + +"George Sutton!" + +A contraction passed over her face; she began rubbing again with renewed +fury. + +"Don't do that, Dosia! You'll take the skin off. Stop it!" + +Lois, alarmed, put her arm around the girl, trying to push the towel +away from her. "Dosia, sit down by me here on the bed--how you're +trembling! What on earth is the matter? Dosia, you must not, you'll take +the skin off your face." + +"I want to take it off," whispered Dosia intensely. "I hate him, I hate +him! I never want to see him again. I can't see him again! I threw the +ring out in the hall somewhere. You'll have to find it---- I couldn't +have it in the room with me! Lois, you must tell him I can't see him +again; promise me that I'll never see him again--promise, _promise_!" +She clung to Lois as if her life depended on that protection. + +"Yes, yes, dear, I promise," said Lois with a sudden warmth of sympathy +such as she had never before felt for the girl. This situation, this +feeling, she could comprehend--it might have been her own in similar +case. She had known girls before who had been engaged for but a day or a +week, and then revolted; it was not so new a circumstance as the world +fancies. + +She drew the towel now from Dosia's relaxed fingers, and held her closer +as she said: + +"There, be quiet, Dosia, and don't make yourself ill. I don't see what +that poor man is going to do--of course he'll feel dreadfully; but you +can't help that now--it's a great deal better than finding out the +mistake later. I'll tell him not to come again, I promise you. Of +course, I'll have to speak to Justin; I don't know what he will say!" +Lois broke into a rueful smile. "Dosia, Dosia! What scrape will you get +into next?" + +"Isn't it dreadful!" gasped poor Dosia. She sat up straight and looked +at Lois with tragic eyes. + +"Now two men have kissed me. I can never get over that in this world. I +can never be nice again--no one can ever think I'm nice again! No one +can ever--_love_ me in this world!" She buried her hot face in Lois' +bosom, sobbing tearlessly against that new shelter, in spite of the +other's incoherent words of comfort so unalterably, so inherently a +woman made to be loved that the loss of the dream of it was like the +loss of existence. After a moment Dosia went on brokenly: + +"It seems so strange--things begin--and you think they are going to turn +out to be something you want very much, and then all of a sudden they +end--and there is nothing more. Everything is all beginning--and then it +ends--there is nothing more. And now I can never be really nice again!" + +"Nonsense! You'll feel very differently about it all after a while," +said Lois sensibly. + +"I don't want to go down-stairs again." Dosia began to shake violently. +"If he were to come back----" + +"Well, stay up here. Zaidee shall bring you your dinner," said Lois +humoringly. "I must go down now; I hear Justin. Only, you'll have to +promise me to be quiet, Dosia, and not begin going wild again the moment +I'm out of the room." + +"No, I'll be good," murmured Dosia submissively. "Oh, Lois, you're so +kind to me! I love you so much!" + +Her head ached so hard that it was easy to be quiet now. She could not +eat the meal which Zaidee, assisted to the door by the maid, brought in +to her. It seemed, oddly enough, like a reversion back to that first +night of her arrival--oh, so long ago!--after tempest and disaster. Yet +then the white, enhancing light of the future had shone down through +everything, and now there was no future, only a murky past, and she a +poor girl who had dropped so far out of the way of happiness that she +could never get back to it, never be nice again. That hand that had once +held hers so firmly, so steadily, that she could sleep secure with just +the comfort of its remembered touch--the thought of it had become only +pain, like everything else. Oh, back of all this shaming hurt with +Lawson and George Sutton was another shame, that went deeper and deeper +still. Since that visit of Bailey Girard's, she had known that he had +thought of her as she had thought of him, with a knowledge that could +not be controverted. It is astonishing that we, who feel ourselves to be +so dependent on speech as a means of communication, have our intensest, +our most revealing moments without it. He had thought of her as she had +of him, and, with the thought of her in his heart, had been content +easily that it should be no more. + +Oh, if this stranger had been indeed the hero of her dreams,--lover, +protector, dearest friend,--to have sought her mightily with the +privilege and the prerogative of a man, so that she might have had no +experience to live through but that white experience with him! + +"Dosia! Open the door quickly." + +It was the voice of Lois once more, with a strange note in it. She +stood, hurried and breathless, under the gas she turned on as she held +out a telegram--for the second time the transmitter of bad news from the +South. The message read: "Your father is ill. Come at once." + + + + +CHAPTER EIGHTEEN + + +There are times and seasons which seem to be full of happenings, +followed by long stretches that have only the character of transition +from the former stage to something that is to come. Weeks and months fly +by us; we do not realize that they are here before they are gone, there +is so little to mark any day from its fellow. Yet we lay too much stress +on the power of separate and peculiar events to shape the current of our +lives, and do not take into account that drama which never ceases to be +acted, which knows no pause nor interim, and which takes place within +ourselves. + +It was April once more before Dosia Linden came North again, after +extending months, in no day of which had her stay seemed anything but +temporary--a condition to be ended next week or the week after at +farthest. Her father's illness turned out to be a lingering one, taking +every last ounce of strength from his wife and his daughter; and after +his death the little stepmother had collapsed for a while, with only +Dosia to take the helm. Dosia had worked early and late, nursing, +looking after the children, cooking, sewing, and later on, when sickness +and death had taken nearly all the means of livelihood, trying to earn +money for the immediate needs by teaching the scales to some of the +temporary tribe at the hotel--an existence in which self was submerged +in loving care for those who clung to her, and to cling to Dosia was +always to receive from her. Sleep was the goal of the day, and too much +of a luxury to have any of its precious moments wasted in wakeful +dreaming; besides, there was nothing to dream about any more. But when +she crept into her low bed she turned away from the moonlight, because +there are times, when one is young, when moonlight is very hard to bear. + +The little family, bewildered and exhausted, had come to the end of its +resources, when Mrs. Linden's brother in San Francisco offered her and +her children a home with him--an offer which, naturally, did not include +Dosia. She was very glad for them, but, after all, though she had worked +so hard for them, they were not to belong to her for her very own. The +aunt whose generosity had given her the money for her musical education +had also died, leaving a small sum in trust for the girl; it was that +which furnished her with means when she went once more to stay at the +Alexanders'. Justin himself had written to see if she could come. + +There was another baby now, a couple of months old, and Lois needed her. +No fairy-story maiden this, going out to seek her fortune, who took an +uneventful train journey this time--only a very tired girl, worn with +work and worn with the sorrow of parting, yet thankful to lean her head +against the back of the car-seat and feel the burden of anxiety and care +slip from her for a little while. + +Hard work alone is not ennobling, but drudgery for those whom we love +may have its uplifting trend. Dosia was pale and thin, the blue veins on +her temples showed more plainly, her face was no longer the typical +white page, unwritten upon; that first freshness of youth and +inexperience had gone. Dosia had lived. Young as she was, she had tasted +of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil; she had known suffering, +she had faced shame and disappointment and--truth; yes, through +everything she had faced that--taken herself to account, probed, +condemned, renounced. What she had lost in youthfulness she had gained +in character. She had an innocent nobility of expression that came from +a light within, as of one ready to answer unwaveringly wherever she +might be called. Yet something in her soft eyes at times trembled into +being, indescribably gentle, intolerably sweet--the soul of that Dosia +who was made to be loved. + +If she had changed since that first journeying a year and a half ago, so +had the conditions changed in the household to which she went. Justin +had had the not unusual experience of the business man who has achieved +what he has set out to achieve without the expected result; in the +silting-pan which holds success some of the gold mysteriously drops +through. The Typometer Company was doing a very large business, +quadrupled since the day of its inception. The building was hardly big +enough now to hold the offices and manufacturing plant; the force had +been greatly increased, and an additional floor for storage had been +hired next door. The typometer had absorbed the output of two small +rival companies, one out West and one in a neighboring town--both glad, +in view of a losing game, to make terms with the successful arbiter. +Where one person used a typometer three years ago, it was in request by +fifty people now, for many things--for many more, indeed, than had been +thought of at first; every week plans in special adjustments were made +to fit the machine for different purposes. It was undoubtedly not only a +success in itself, but was destined to fit into more and more of the +needs of the working world as a standard product. + +Orders came in from all parts of the globe. Justin, as he hurried over +to his office or held important consultations with the men who wanted to +see him, was awarded the respect given to the head of a large and +successful concern. He was marked as a rising man. Yet, in spite of all +this real accomplishment of the Typometer Company, the net profits had +always fallen short of the mark set for them; the company was in +constant and growing need of money. + +Prices of everything to do with manufacturing had increased--prices of +copper and steel, of machinery, of wages, in addition to the larger +number of hands employed, and the rent of the additional floor. It was +always necessary for one's peace of mind to go back to the value of the +material stock and the assets to be counted on in the future. The steady +branching out of the business in every direction was proof of the fact +that if it did not it must retrench; and to retrench meant fewer orders, +fewer opportunities--financial suicide. + +It was the powerful shibboleth of the world of trade that one must be +seen to be doing business; only so could the doors of credit be opened. +If Cater came in with him now, as seemed at last to be expected, the +doors must open farther. No matter how one tries to see all around the +consequences of any change, any undertaking, there always arise minor +consequences which from their very nature must be unforeseen, and yet +which may turn out to be the really powerful factors in the main issue; +unimportant genii that, let out of their bottles, swell immeasurably. +The consequences of the fire, small as it was, seemed never-ending. The +defective bars had proved a disastrous supply for the machine, in more +ways than one. + +Left by the Leverich-Martin combination to work his own retrieval, he +had borrowed the ten thousand from Lewiston, and had used part of the +money to pay the interest to the others; and later, in the flush of +reinstatement, he had borrowed another ten thousand from Leverich, a +loan to be called by him at any time. Lewiston's loan had seemed easy of +repayment at six months, Justin knew when the money was coming in, but +he had been obliged, after all, to anticipate, and get his bills +discounted before they came due for other purposes, often paying huge +tribute for the service. Lewiston had renewed the note for sixty days, +and then for sixty more, but with the proviso that this was the last +extension. + +In short, the whole process of competently keeping afloat had been gone +through, with a definite aim of accomplishment; Cater's cooperation, +about which he had been so slow, would infuse new blood into the +business. It was maddening at times to have so many good uses for money +and to be unable to command it at the crucial moment. Justin had +approached Eugene Larue on that past Sunday afternoon, only to find him +cautiously negative where once he had seemed friendlily suggesting. + +Such a process, to be successful, depends on the power of the man behind +it, which must not only comprehend and direct the larger issues, but +must be able to carry along smoothly all the easily entangling threads +of detail; he must not only have a capable brain, but he must have the +untiring nervous energy that can "hold out" through any crisis. Such men +may go to pieces after incredible effort, but they are on the way to +success first. Danger only quickens the sure leap to safety. + +Justin, preeminently clear-headed, had been conscious lately of two +phases--one an almost preternatural illumination of intellect, and the +other a sort of brain-inertia, more soul- and body-fatiguing than any +pain. There were seasons when he was obliged to think when he could +instead of when he would. He looked grave, alert, competent, but +underneath this demeanor there went an unceasing effort of computation +and reckoning to which the computation and reckoning on the first night +of his agreement with Leverich was as a child's play with toy bricks is +to the building of an edifice of stone. + +The large responsibilities now incurred clashed grotesquely with the +daily need of money at home for petty uses; a condition of affairs which +often happens at the birth of a child, when the household is at loose +ends, and the expenses are necessarily greater in every direction at the +time when it seems most imperative to limit them. Justin seemed never to +have enough "change" in his pockets, no matter how much he brought home. + +In some men the business faculties become more and more self-sufficing +when there is no other passion to divide them--the nature grows all one +way; and there are others who seem independent, yet who are always as +dependent as children on the unnoticed, sustaining help of affection, +the love that makes the home a refuge from the provoking of all +men--that unreasonably, and at all times, hotly champions the cause of +the beloved against the world. No help-giving virtue had gone out from +this household in the last year; it had all been a dead lift. + +Justin had never spoken of his affairs to Lois since that Sunday when +she had said that she hated them. When she had asked for money, she had +always added the proviso, "if he could afford it," and accepted the fact +either way without comment. He was, as time went on, more and more +affectionately solicitous for her welfare, even if he was, as she keenly +felt, less personally loving. + +If she went to bed early in the evening, he took that opportunity to go +out; and if she stayed up, he remained at home and went to sleep on the +lounge; and the little touch that binds divergence with the inner thread +of sympathy was lacking. + +Yet, strange as it might seem, while she consciously suffered far the +most, his loss was mysteriously the greater; the fire of love of which +she was by right high priestess still burned secretly for her tending as +she cowered over the embers on the hearthstone, though he was cold and +chill for lack of that vital warmth. + +There were moments when she felt that she could die gladly for him, but +always for that glory of self-triumphing in the end. Then that which +seemed as if it could never change began to change. + +Before the child was born, and now since that, there was a difference. +Men and women who suffer most from imaginary wrongs may become sane and +heroic in times of real danger. Lois, noble, sweet, and brave, +thoughtful for Zaidee and Hedge and Justin even while she trembled, +excited reverence and a deep and anxious tenderness in her husband. + +Then, afterwards, he was proud of his second son. When Justin came in at +the end of each day and sat down by his wife's bedside, holding her +blue-veined hand while she smiled peacefully at him, there was a sweet, +sufficing pleasure about those few minutes, singularly soothing, though +the interim had no relation to actual living, except in the fact that +one anxiety had been lifted. While the expectant birth of the child had +been to her, as it is to almost every woman, a separate and distinct +calamitous illness to which she looked forward as one might look forward +to being taken with typhoid or diphtheria, he considered it as a +manifestation of nature, not in itself dangerous, and her fear that of a +child, to be soothed by reason. + +Still, he had had his moments of a reluctant, twinging fear. One cause +for disquieting thought was removed. Now the helplessness of this little +family, for whom he was the provider, tugged at a swelling heart. + +As he walked toward his office to-day somewhat later than was his wont, +he diverged from his usual custom--instead of entering his own doorway, +he went across the street to Cater's after a moment's hesitation. Now +that Cater's cooperation was at the consummating point, it was wiser not +to run the risk of its sagging back. Leverich and Martin were keenly for +its success, Justin's credit would rise immeasurably with it. The +Typometer Company had absorbed the minor machines with so little trouble +that the unabsorbability of the timoscript had seemed an unnecessary +stumbling block. Time and time again Justin had sought Cater with +tabulated figures and unanswerable arguments. The combination, he firmly +believed, would be highly beneficial for both--the field was, in its +way, too narrow to be divided with the highest profit; together they +could command the trade. + +Cater was opposed to all combinations as trusts,--a word against which +he was principled, with obstinate refusal to differentiate as to kind, +quality, or intent. Like many men who are given to a far-seeing +philosophy in speech, he was narrow-mindedly cautious when it came to +action, apt to be suspicious in the wrong place, and requiring to be +continually reassured about conditions which seemed the very a-b-c of +commerce. The rivalry between the two firms had been apparently +good-natured, yet a little of the sharp edge of competition had shown +signs of cutting through the bond. + +The typometer had put its prices down, and the timoscript had cut under; +then the typometer had gone as low as was wise, and the timoscript had +begun to weaken in its defenses. + +Cater was already at work at a big desk as Justin entered, but rose to +shake hands. There was a look of melancholy in his eyes, in spite of his +smile of greeting. + +"Anything wrong with you?" asked Justin, instinctively noticing the look +rather than the smile. + +"No," said Cater. He hooked his legs under his chair, and leaned back, +the light from the high unshaded window striking full on his lean yellow +countenance. "No, there's nothing wrong. Got some things off my mind, +things that have been bothering me for a long time, and I reckon I don't +feel quite easy without 'em." + +"I think you're very lucky," said Justin. The light from the high window +fell on his face, too--on his brown hair, turning a little gray at the +temples, on the set lines of his face, in which his eyes, keen and blue, +looked intently at his friend. He was well dressed; the foot that was +crossed over his knee was excellently shod. + +Cater shifted a little in his seat. "Well, I don't know. My experience +is some different from the usual run, I reckon; I never had any big +streak of luck that it didn't get back at me afterwards. There was my +marriage--I know it ain't the thing to talk about your marriage, but you +do sometimes. My wife's a fine woman,--yes, sir, I was mighty lucky to +get her,--but I didn't know how to live up to her family. It's been +that-a-way all my life. Sure's I get to ringin' the bells, the floorin' +caves in under me." + +"We'll see that the flooring holds, now that you're coming in with us," +said Justin good-naturedly. "I've got some propositions to put up to you +to-day." + +Cater shook his head. "There's no use of your putting up any +propositions. I've been drawin' on my well of thought so hard lately +that I reckon you could hear the pumps workin' plumb across the street. +I've been cipherin' down to the fact that I can't go it alone, any +more'n you,--there we agree; hold on, now!--but I can't combine." + +"You can't!" cried Justin, with unusual violence. "Why not?" + +"Well, you know my feelin's about trusts, and--I like you, Mr. +Alexander, you know that, mighty well, but I balk at your backin'. I +don't believe in it. It'll fail when you count on it most, it'll cramp +on you merciless if you come short of its expectations. Leverich isn't +so bad, but Martin cramps a hold of him, and I can't stand Martin havin' +a finger in any concern _I_ have a hold of." + +"He's clever enough to make what he touches pay," said Justin. + +Cater's eyebrows contracted. "You say he's clever because he's +tricky--because he's sharp. He isn't clever enough to make money +honestly, he isn't big enough. You and me, we're honest, or try to be, +but we haven't the brain to give every man his just due, and get ahead, +too. It's the greatest game there is, but you got to be a genius to play +it! You and me, we can't do it; we ain't got the brain and we ain't got +the nerve; _I_ haven't. You've just ever-lastingly got to do the best +for yourself if you've got a family; the best _as_ you see it." + +"What's all this leading up to? What change have you been making, +Cater?" asked Justin, with stern abruptness. + +"I've given the agency of the machine to Hardanger." + +"Hardanger!" Justin's face flushed momentarily, then became set and +expressionless. To stand out on abstract questions of honor, and then +tacitly break all faith by going in with Hardanger! + +"I shut down on part of my plant when I began figuring on this change," +continued Cater. "I've been getting the steel fittin's on contract from +Benschoten again, as I did at first; it'll come cheaper in the end. +Gives us a pretty big stock to start off with. I was sorry--I was sorry +to have to turn off a dozen men, but what you going to do? I've got to +cut down on the manufacturing as close as I can now." + +"I suppose so." + +"I wanted to tell you the first one," said Cater. + +"Well, I congratulate you," said Justin formally, rising. + +"This isn't going to make any difference in the friendship between me +and you, Mr. Alexander? I've thought a powerful lot of your friendship. +If I'd 'a' seen any way to have come in with you, I'd 'a' done it. But +business ain't going to interfere between two such good friends as we +are!" + +"Why, no," said Justin, with the conventional answer to an appeal which +still pitifully claims for truth that which it has made false. The +handshake that followed was one in which all their friendship seemed to +dissolve and change its character, hardening into ice. + +_Hardanger!_ + +Hardanger & Co. represented one of the greatest factors in the trade of +two hemispheres. To say that a thing was taken up by Hardanger & Co. +meant its success--they took nothing that was not likely to succeed; +they _made_ it succeed--for them. Their agents in all parts of the known +world had easy access to firms and to opportunities hard to be reached +by those of lesser credit. Their reputation was unassailed; they kept +scrupulously to the terms agreed upon. The only bar to putting an +article into their hands was the fact that their terms--except in the +case of certain standard articles which they were obliged to +have--embraced nearly all the profits, only the very narrowest margins +coming to the original owners. Everything had to be figured down, and +still further and further down, by those owners, to make that margin +possible. It was cut-throat all the way through--a policy that made for +the rottenness of trade. + +Justin and Leverich had once made tentative investigations as to +Hardanger, with the conclusion that there was far more money outside, +even if one must go a little more slowly. It was better to go a little +more slowly, for the sake of getting so much more out of it in the end. +Hardanger was to be kept as a last resort, if everything else failed. +Cater had expressed himself as feeling the same way; that was the +understanding between them. But now? Backed by this powerful agency, the +timoscript assumed disquieting proportions. In the distance, a time not +so very far distant either, Justin could see himself squeezed to the +wall, the output of his factory bought up by Hardanger for the price of +old iron--forced into it, whether he would or no. Why had he been so +short-sighted? Why hadn't he made terms himself sooner? But Cater had +been a fool to give in to those terms when, by combining, they could +have swung trade between them to their own measure. Then Hardanger might +have been obliged to seek _them_, to take their price!--Hardanger, who +could afford to laugh at his pretensions now! + +He thought of Cater without malice--with, instead, a shrewd, kind +philosophy, a sad, clear-visioned impulse of pity mixed with his wonder. +So that was the way a man was caught stumbling between the meshes, +blinded, dulled, unconsciously maimed of honor, while still feeling +himself erect and honest-eyed! There had been no written agreement +between them that either should consult the other before seeking +Hardanger; but some promises should be all the stronger for not being +written. + +This thing _couldn't_ happen; in some way, he must get his foot inside +the door, so that it couldn't shut on him. There was that note of +Lewiston's, due in thirty days--no, twenty-five now. What about that? + +Later in the day, after he had been seeing drayful after drayful of +boxes leave the factory opposite, Bullen, the foreman, came into the +office with some estimates, pointing out the figures with a small strip +of steel tubing held absently in his fingers. + +While the clerks were all deferential, and those of foreign birth +obsequious, Bullen had an air that was more than sturdily +independent--the air and the eye of the skilled mechanic. On his own +ground he was master, and Justin, with a smile, deferred to him. But +Justin broke into Bullen's calculations abruptly, after a while, to ask: + +"What's that you've got there? It looks like one of those bars that +nearly smashed us." + +"You've got a good eye, sir," said Bullen approvingly. "A year and a +half ago you'd not have seen any difference between one bit of steel and +another. But there's one thing I didn't see about it myself until +Venly--he's a new man we've taken on--pointed it out to me. He came +across a case of these to-day we'd thrown out in the waste-heap. We +thought our machine had jarred them out of shape, because they were a +fraction off size; well, so they were. But Venly he spotted them in a +minute, when he was out there, and he asked me if they weren't from the +Benschoten factory--he was turned off from there last week, they're +cutting down the force; they always do, come spring. He said they looked +like part of a bum lot that had flaws in them. He got the +magnifying-glass and showed me, and, sure enough, 'twas right he was! He +says they've got piles of them they've been workin' off on the trade at +a cut price. Venly he said he didn't have any stomach for a skin game +like that." + +"That's a pretty ruinous way to do business, isn't it?" asked Justin. + +"Oh, they're going to sell out in July, so they don't care. I pity +anyone that's counting on any sort of machine that's got these in 'em. +Would you take the glass and look for yourself, sir? Every one of 'em is +flawed!" + + + + +CHAPTER NINETEEN + + +"Slipped through your fingers like that! Like a--" Leverich's words were +not fit for print. He had been away for a couple of days, and now sat +tilted back in his office chair, a heavy, leather-covered thing not +meant for tilting, his face puffed with anger, his mouth snarling--a +wild beast balked of his prey. His eyes, ferociously insolent, dwelt on +Justin, who, fine and keen and smiling a little, sat opposite him. Brute +anger never had any effect on Justin but to give him a contemptuous, +chill self-possession. + +"You're sure the agreement's made?" + +"Cater's been sending new consignments as fast as they could go for the +past three days; he's loaded up with machines." + +Leverich swore again. "D----d fools, not to have made terms with +Hardanger first! If we'd only known! If there was only some way to put a +spoke in the wheel, even yet!" + +"Oh, I've got the spoke, easily enough," said Justin indifferently, "the +only trouble is, I can't use it." + +"Got a spoke! Why in heaven didn't you say that before?" Leverich came +down on the front legs of his chair with a force that sent it rolling +ahead on its casters. "What are you sitting here for? What do you mean +by telling me that you can't use it?" + +"Just what I say. But it's not worth talking about." + +"See here, Alexander, could you get our machine in now instead of his?" + +"I suppose I might." + +"And you're not going to do it?" + +"I can't, I tell you, Leverich. The information came to me in such a way +that I can't touch it." + +"'The information--' It's something damaging to do with the machine?" + +Justin drummed with his fingers on the desk without answering. + +"You have proof?" + +"What's the sense of talking, Leverich? Proof or no, I tell you, I can't +use it. This isn't any funny business, you can see that. Don't you +suppose, if I could use it, that I would? But there are some things a +man can't do--at any rate, _I_ can't. And that settles it." + +Heaven knows he had gone over the matter insistently enough in the last +few days, since the combination had been unwillingly given into his +hands, but always with the foregone conclusion. The devil--granting that +there is one,--doesn't, as a rule, actively try to tempt us to evil--he +simply confuses us, so that we are kept from using our reason. But this +time he had no field for action. To use secret information against +Cater, that could never have been had but for Cater's kindness to him in +helping him to those bars in time of need, was first, last, and every +time impossible to Justin Alexander. It was vain for argument to suggest +that this very deed of kindness had worked his disaster--the fact +remained the same. He might do other things, he might do worse +things--this thing he could not do, not though the refusal worked his +own ruin, not though Cater's ruin with Hardanger was insured anyway, but +too late for the typometer to profit by it. Even if the typometer could +by some means keep afloat until that day arrived, it would take a couple +of years for such a timing-machine to regain its prestige in a foreign +country. + +Justin had no excess of sentiment, no quixotic impulse urged him to go +and tell Cater what he had learned. It was Cater's business to look +after his end of the game, if the price of material or labor was too +cheap, he must know that there was something wrong with it. The stream +of Justin's mind ran clear in spite of that feeling of sharp practice +toward himself--nay, because of it; it was impossible to use the weapon +that a former kindness had placed in his hand. He looked at Leverich now +with an expression which the latter quieted himself to meet. This was a +situation, not for bluster and rage, but to be competently grappled +with. + +"How about your obligations? Do you call this fair dealing to us, +Alexander? There's Lewiston's note--once this deal was settled we would +have paid that, as you know. But it's out of the question as things +stand. We'll have to get our money out the best way we can. If this is +your sense of honor--to sacrifice your friends! See here, Alexander, +let's talk this out. When it comes to talking of ruin, no man can afford +to stand on terms. We didn't put you into the typometer business on any +kindergarten principles--it isn't to form your character. What we did, +we did for profit; and if the profit isn't there, we get out. We've no +objection to doing a kindness for anyone, if we can do it and make a +profit, but it stands to reason that we're not in the business for +philanthropy any more than for kindergartening. We liked you, and we +were willing to give you a place in the game if you could run it to suit +us, but we don't consider any scheme that doesn't make money--what +doesn't make money has to go. Profit, profit, profit--that's what every +sane man puts first, and there's no justice in losing a chance to make +it. What you lose, another man takes--if you make another man's wife and +children better off, you stint your own. You've got to consider a +question on all sides. No woman respects a man who can't make money; +it's his everlasting business to make money, and she knows it. Your wife +won't think much of your fine scruples if she's to go without for +'em--and, by the Lord, she's right! When you go into business, you've +got to make up your mind to one of two things: you've either got to step +hard on the necks of those below you, or you've got to lie down and let +them wipe their feet on you." + +Leverich had stopped at intervals for comment from Justin. Since none +was offered, he went on, with the large and easy manner of one who feels +the justice of his convictions: "No man ever accused me of being close. +I'm free-handed, if I say it that shouldn't. I like to give, and I _do_ +give. If there's money wanted for charity, the committees know very well +where to come. And my wife likes to give, too; her name's on the books +of twenty charitable organizations. But we give out of money I've made +by _not_ being free-handed--by getting every last cent that belonged to +me. You see, I don't leave my wife out of my calculations--any man's a +fool that does. She's got the right to have as good as I can give her. I +wouldn't talk like this to most men, Alexander, but between you and me +it's different. It pays to keep your wife in a good humor, when you've +got to go home after a hard day's work; you take a dissatisfied woman, +and she'll make your home a hell. I know men--Great Scott! I don't know +how they live!" He paused again. Justin did not answer. He sat with his +head on his hand, looking, not at Leverich, but to one side of him. + +"When I say I've made the money," continued Leverich, "I mean that I +actually _have_ made most of it--made it out of nothing! like the first +chapter of Genesis. If a man has money to start with, he can add to it +as easily as you can roll up a snowball--it's no credit to him. But I've +had only my brains. I've seen money where other men couldn't, and +nothing has stood in my way of getting to it; that's the whole secret of +success. And my attitude's fair--you couldn't find a fairer. When one of +your clerks falls sick, you pay him his full salary for three or four +months till he's around again. _I_ know! Well, I don't do any such +stunts. When I was a clerk myself, I was on the sick-list once for three +months, and nobody paid me. After the first month I was bounced, and I +didn't expect anything else. I didn't expect any philanthropical +business, and I don't give it. That's fair, isn't it? I don't give +quarter, and I don't expect any. If I'm squeezed, I pay. I don't stand +still in the middle of a deal and snivel about what I can do and what I +can't do. I don't snivel about what you call moral obligations; I only +recognize money obligations. Why, see here, Alexander," he broke off, +"if you use the influence you spoke of, you don't have to tell me what +it is--you don't have to tell anybody but Hardanger. Cater himself +needn't know that you had anything to do with it." + +"But I'd know," said Justin quietly. + +Leverich lost his easy manner; his jaw protruded. + +"Very well, then, it comes down to this: If you fail us now, out of any +of your fool scruples toward that poor devil across the street,--who's +bound to get the blood sucked out of him anyway,--you ruin your own +prospects, and you try and cheat us out of the money we put up on you. +By----, if you see any honor in that, I don't." + +"Mr. Leverich," said Justin, raising his head swiftly, with a steely +gleam in his eyes that matched the other's, "when I try to cheat you or +Lewiston or any man out of what has been put up on me, I'll give you +leave to say what you please. At present I'll say good morning." + +Leverich shrugged his shoulders and turned his back as he bent over his +desk. Justin picked up his hat and went out, brushing, as he did so, +against a dark, pleasant-faced man who had been sitting in the next +room. Something in his face instantly conveyed to Justin the knowledge +that the conversation he had just been engaged in had grown louder than +the partition warranted. The next instant he recognized the man as a Mr. +Warren, of Rondell Brothers. Each turned to look back at the other, and +both men bowed; the action had a certain definiteness in it, unwarranted +by the slightness of the meeting. The next moment Justin was in the +street. + +The clash of steel always roused the blood in him; he felt actively +stronger for combat. He was competently apportioning toward Lewiston's +note the different sums coming in this month. There were large bills to +be paid to the typometer's credit by several firms, one of them +Coneways'. Coneways represented the largest counted-in asset for the +entire year--it was the backbone of the establishment. If it went to +Lewiston, what would be left for the business? That could come next, +Lewiston was first. Leverich and Martin would exact every penny of their +principal after these intervening six months of the year were over. +Well, let them! Lewiston's note was what he had to think of now. + +All business undertakings, no matter how wild, how precarious to the +sense of the beholder, are started with confidence in their ultimate +success; it is the one trite, universal reason for starting--that faith +is the capital that all possess in common. Some of these doubtful +ventures, while never really succeeding, do not fail at once; they are +always hard up, but they keep on, though gradually sinking lower all the +time. Others seem to exist by the continuance of that first faith +alone--a sheer optimism that keeps the courage alive and keen enough to +seize hold of the slightest driftwood of opportunity, binding this +flotsam into a raft that takes them triumphantly out on the high tide. +For all the long drag, the anxiety, the physical strain, the harassment, +failure in itself seemed as inherently impossible to Justin as that he +should be stricken blind or lose the use of his limbs. He must think +harder to find a way of accomplishment, that was all. + +His step had its own peculiar ring in it as he left Leverich's, but it +lost somewhat of its alertness as he turned down the street that led to +the factory, unaltered, since his first coming to it, save for the +transformation of the neglected house he had noticed then, with its +grewsome interior, which had been turned into a freshly painted shop +long ago. The effect of association is inexorable. There was not a +corner, not a building, along that too familiar way, that was not hung +with some thought of care; there were moments of such strong repulsion +that he felt as if he couldn't turn down that street again--moments +lately when to enter the factory with its red-brick-arched yawning mouth +of a doorway occasioned a physical nausea--a foolish, womanish state +which irritated him. + +The mail brought him the usual miscellaneous assortment of orders and +bills, and letters on minor points, and questions as to the typometer. +The mail was rather apt to be encouraging in its suggestions of a large +trade. Two letters this morning were full of enthusiastic encomium on +the use of the machine. In spite of an enormous and long-outstanding +bill for office stationery, insistently clamorous for payment--one of +those bills looked upon as trifles until they suddenly become +staggering--there was, after the mail, a general feeling of wielding the +destiny of a large part of the world, where the typometer was a power. + +A little woman whose husband, now dead, had been in his employ, came in +to get help in collecting his insurance; she was timid before Justin, +deeply grateful for his kind and effective assistance. Two men called at +different times, for advice and introductions to important people. A +friend brought in a possible customer from the Sandwich Islands. There +was all that aura of prosperity that has nothing to do with the payment +of one's bills. + +Justin took both the friend and the customer out to lunch, his pleasant +sense of hospitality only dimmed by the disagreeable fact of its taking +every cent of the five dollars he had expected to last him for the week. +He was "strapped." The luncheon took longer, also, than he had counted +on its doing. The morning, begun well, seemed to lead up only to sordid +and anxious details and a sense of non-accomplishment, induced also by +small requisitions from different people presupposing cash from a +cash-drawer that was empty. + +It was a welcome relief to figure, with Harker's assistance, on the +large sums coming in at the end of the month from Coneways. There were a +hundred ways for them to go, but they were to go to Lewiston. Perhaps, +after all, as Harker astutely suggested, Lewiston would be satisfied +with a partial payment and extend the rest of the note. While they were +still consulting, word was brought in that Mr. Lewiston was there. + +Mr. Lewiston was a young man, small-featured, black-haired, +smooth-shaven, and with an air of nattiness and fashion set at odds at +present by a very pale and anxious face and eager, dilated black eyes. +He cut short Justin's greeting with the words: + +"I've just come over to speak about that note, Alexander." + +"Well, I was just wanting to speak to you about it myself," said Justin +easily. "Have a cigar?" + +"Thank you," said Lewiston mechanically, and as mechanically holding out +his hand for the cigar, evidently forgetting it the next moment. "The +fact is, I don't want to seem importunate, but if you could pay off that +note fifteen days before date,--a week from to-day, that is,--we'd +discount it to satisfy you. I didn't want to bother you about it, and I +tried outside first, but nobody will take up the paper just now, except +at a ruinous rate. If you could make it convenient, Alexander----" Young +Lewiston sat with his small, eager face bent forward over his knees, his +lips twitching slightly. "You know that money wasn't loaned on strictly +business principles, Alexander, but for friendship; I got father to +consent to it. If you could let us have it now, it would save us a world +of trouble. It's really not much--only ten thousand." + +Justin shook his head, his keen blue eyes fixed on the other. "I can't +let you have it, Lewiston; I wish I could! But I'm waiting on payments +myself. Can't you pull out without it?" + +Lewiston drew in his breath. "Oh, yes, of course we'll have to, but it +means--Well, I know you would if you could, Alexander, I told father +so--father in a way holds me responsible, he was in London when I +renewed the note the last time. There isn't anything to interfere with +the payment when it's due?" + +"On my honor, no," said Justin. "You shall have it then without fail." + +"For if that should slip up--" continued young Lewiston, wrapped in +somber contemplation of his own affairs alone; he threw his arms outward +with a gesture suddenly tragic in its intensity, paused an instant, then +wrung Justin's hand silently and departed. + +"Are you busy, Alexander? They said I could come in." + +"Why, Girard!" + +Justin wheeled a chair around with an instantly brightened face. "Sit +down. I'm mighty glad to see you." He looked smilingly at his visitor, +whose presence, long-limbed, straight, clean, and clear-eyed, always +elicited a peculiar admiration from other men. "I heard that you had a +room at the Snows' now, while Billy is away, but I haven't laid eyes on +you for a month." + +"I've been coming in on a later train every morning and going out again +on a very much later one at night. I'm back in town on the paper for a +while." + +"Why don't you settle down to something worth while?" asked Justin, with +the reserved disapproval of the business man for any mode of life but +his own. + +"Settle down to this kind of thing?" said Girard thoughtfully. "Well, I +did think of it last year, when I undertook those commissions for you. +But what's the use--yet awhile, at any rate? You see, I can always make +enough money for what I want and to spare, and there's nobody else to +care. I like my liberty! The love of trade doesn't take hold of me, +somehow--and you have to have such a tremendous amount of capital to +keep your place. By the way, have you sold the island yet?" The island +was a small one up near Nova Scotia, taken once for a debt. + +"Not yet." + +Girard gave him a quick glance--with the instant penetration of a man +who has known hard times himself, he detected the signs of it in +another; the perception lent a sort of under-warmth and kindness to his +voice as he asked: "How are things going with you?" + +"Fine," said Justin in a conventionally prosperous tone, with a sudden +sight of a bottomless pit yawning below him. "I've had a few things on +my mind lately--but they're all right now. By the way, how do you like +it at the Snows'?" + +"Oh, fairly well." Girard's gray eyes twinkled in an irrepressible +smile. "I score high at present. They all approve of me, and I am told +that I am the only man who has never run into the Boston fern or got +tangled in the Wandering Jew. Miss Bertha and I have long talks +together--she's great. As for Mrs. Snow--she heard Sutton speak of her +the other night to Ada as 'the old lady.' I assure you that since--" He +shook his head, and both men laughed. + +"Come to see us. Miss Linden is back with us again," said Justin +hospitably, indescribably cheered by some soul-offered sympathy that lay +below the trivial converse. + +"Thank you," said Girard, an indefinable stiffening change coming over +him momentarily, to disappear at once, however, as he went on: "By the +way, I mustn't forget what I came for before I hurry off." + +He took some bills out of his long, flat leather wallet as he rose. "Do +you remember lending that fifty dollars to my friend Keston last year? +He turned up yesterday, and asked me to see that you got this." + +"I'd forgotten all about it," averred Justin. He had not realized until +he took the bills that he had been keeping up all day by main strength, +with that caved-in sensation of there being nothing back of it--nothing +back of it. There are times when the touch of money is as the elixir of +life. Justin, holding on by the skin of his teeth for ten thousand +dollars, and needing imperatively at least as much more, felt that with +this paltry fifty dollars it was suddenly possible to draw a free +breath, felt a sheer, uncalculating lightness of spirit that showed how +terrible was the persistent weight under which he was living. The very +feeling of those separate bills in his pocket made him calmly sanguine. + +He got ready to go home a little earlier than usual, saying lightly to +Harker, who had come in for his signature to some papers: + +"Those payments will begin to straggle in next week. Coneways' isn't due +until the 31st--the very last minute! But he's always prompt, thank +Heaven--what are you doing?" + +"Knocking on wood," said Harker, with a grim smile. + +"Oh, knock on wood all you want to," returned Justin. + +He even thought of Lois on his way, and stopped to buy her some flowers. +It was the first time he had thought of her unconsciously for a week. +While he was waiting for a car to pass before he crossed the street, his +eye caught the headline on a paper a newsboy was holding out to him: + + GREAT CRASH + CONEWAYS & CO. FAIL + IN BOSTON + + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY + + +"I don't think Justin looks very well," said Dosia that afternoon. She +was sitting on the edge of the bed, with her arms spread out +half-protectingly over Lois. The latter was only resting; she had been +up and around the house now for three or four weeks, and, although she +looked unusually fragile, seemed well, if not very strong. + +The baby, wrapped in a blue embroidered blanket, with only a round +forehead and a small pink nose visible, was of that satisfactory variety +entirely given to sleep; Zaidee and even Redge, adoring little sister +and brother, had been allowed to hold him in their arms, so securely +unstirring was their small burden. Lois, who had passionately rebelled +against the prospect of additional motherhood, exhibited a not unusual +phase of it now in as passionately adoring this second boy. He seemed +peculiarly, intensely her own, not only a baby, but a spiritual +possession that communicated a new strength to her. Lois was changed. +She had always been beautiful, as a matter of fact, but there was now +something withheld, mysterious, in her expression, as if she were taking +counsel of some half-slumberous force within, like one listening at a +shell for the murmur of the ocean. + +Not only Lois, but everything else, seemed changed to Dosia, at the same +time being also flatly, unchangeably natural. She had longed--oh, how +she had longed!--to be back here. Even while loving and working in her +so-called home, she had felt that this was her real home, although here +her cruelest blows had fallen on her; even while bleeding with the +wrench of parting from her own flesh and blood, she had felt that this +was the true home, for here she had really lived--and it was the home of +the nicer, more delicate instincts. After the crude housekeeping, the +lack of comforts that made the simplest nursing a grinding struggle with +circumstance, it was a blessed relief to get back to a sphere where +minor details were all in order as a matter of course. The Alexanders, +with their three children, kept only one maid now, but even that +restriction did not prevent the unlimited flow of hot and cold water! + +Yet she had also dreaded this returning,--how she had dreaded it!--with +that old sickening shame which came over her inevitably as she thought +of certain people and places and days. The mere thought of seeing Mrs. +Leverich or George Sutton and that chorus of onlookers was like passing +through fire. One braces one's self to withstand the pain of scenes of +joy or sorrow revisited, to find that, after all, when the moment comes, +there is little of that dreaded pain--it has been lived through and the +climax passed in that previsioning which imagination made more intense, +more harrowingly real, than the reality. + +[Illustration: _Even Redge had been allowed to hold him_] + +Mrs. Leverich stopped her carriage one day to greet Dosia, and to ask +her, with a tentative semblance of her old effusion, to come and make +her a visit--an effusion which immediately died down into complete +non-interest, on Dosia's polite refusal; and the incident was not +especially heart-racking at the time, though afterwards it set her +unaccountably trembling. Mrs. Leverich had in the carriage with her a +small, thin, long-nosed, under-bred-looking man with a pale-reddish +mustache and hair, who, gossip said, passed most of his time at the +Leverichs'--he was seen out driving alone with Myra nearly every day. He +was "an old friend from home." It had been gossip at first, but it was +growing to be scandal now, with audible wonder as to how much Mr. +Leverich knew about it. + +Her avoidance of George Sutton was as nothing to his desire of avoiding +her; he dived with surreptitious haste down side streets when he saw her +coming, or disappeared within shop doorways. Once, when Dosia confronted +him inadvertently on the platform of a car, and he had perforce to take +off his hat and murmur, "Good morning," he turned pale and was evidently +scared to death. After this he only appeared in the village street +guarded on either side by a female Snow--usually Ada and her mother, +though occasionally Bertha served as escort instead of the latter. The +elder Snows, in spite of this apparent security, were in a state of +constant nervous tension over Mr. Sutton's attention to Ada; he had not +"spoken" yet, but it had begun to be felt severely of late that he ought +to speak. Whenever Ada came into the house, her face was eagerly scanned +by both mother and sister to see from its look if it bore any trace of +the fateful words having been uttered. Everyone knew, though how no one +could tell, that that bold thing, Dosia Linden, had tried to get him +once, and failed. + +The thing that had unaccountably stirred her most since her arrival was +an unexpected meeting with Bailey Girard. Dosia, with Zaidee and Redge +held by either hand and pressing close to her as they walked merrily +along, suddenly came upon a gray-clad figure emerging from the +post-office; he seemed to make an instinctive movement as if to draw +back, that sent the swift color to her cheeks and then turned them +white. Were all the men in the place trying to avoid her? Dosia thought, +with bitter humor; but, if it were so, he instantly recovered himself, +and came forward, hat in hand, with a quick access of bright courtesy, a +punctilious warmth of manner. He walked along with her a few paces as he +talked, lifting Zaidee over a flooded crossing, before going once more +on his way. He was nothing to Dosia, the stranger who had killed her +ideal, yet all day it was as if his image were photographed in the +colors of life upon the retina of her eye; she could not push it away, +try as she might. + +Of Lawson Dosia had heard only such vague rumors as had sifted through +the letters written by Lois; he had been reported as going on in his old +way in the mining-camps, drifting from one to another. She heard nothing +more now. He was the only one who had really loved her up here, except +Lois, who loved her now. Dosia had slipped into her now position of +sister and helper as if she had always filled it. She was not an +outsider any more; she _belonged_. + +[Illustration: _After this he only appeared in the village street +guarded on either side by a female Snow_] + +As she sat bending over Lois now, her attitude was instinct with +something high-mindedly lovely. The Dosia who had only wanted to be +loved, now felt--after a year of trial and conflict with death--that she +only wanted, and with the same youthful intensity, to be very good, even +though it seemed sometimes to that same youthfulness a strange and +tragic thing that it should be all she wanted. The mysterious, +fathomless depression of youth, as of something akin to unknown primal +depths of loneliness, sometimes laid its chill hand on her heart; but +when Dosia "said her prayers," she got, child-fashion, very near to a +Someone who brought her an intimate, tender comfort of resurrection and +of life. + +"I don't think Justin seems well," she repeated, Lois, looking up at her +with calmly expressionless eyes from her pillow, having taken no notice +of the remark. "He has changed, I think, even in the ten days since I +came." + +"He has something on his mind," assented Lois, with a note of languor in +her voice, "I suppose it's the business--I made up my mind to ask him +about it to-night; he has been out every evening lately, and I hardly +see him at all before he goes off in the morning, now that I don't get +down to breakfast." + +"Oh, he gave me a message for you this morning," cried Dosia, with +compunction at having so far forgotten it. "He said that Mr. Larue had +come in to inquire about you yesterday; he is going to send you a basket +of strawberries and roses from his place at Collingswood to-morrow." + +"Eugene Larue!" Lois' lips relaxed into a pleased curve, a slight color +touched her cheek. "That was very nice of him; he knew I'd like to look +forward to getting them. Strawberries and roses!" + +"I met Mr. Girard in the street to-day, he asked after you," continued +Dosia, with the feeling that if she spoke of him she might get that +tiresome, insistent image of him from before her eyes. + +"Bailey Girard? Yes; he has a room at the Snows'. Billy's out West." + +"So I've heard," said Dosia. + +It was one of the strange and melancholy ironies of life that the man of +all others whom she had desired to meet should be thrown daily in her +pathway now, after that desire was gone! + +"You'd better not talk any more now, Lois; you look tired, it's time for +you to take a little rest. I'll see to the children, I hope baby will +stay asleep. Let me put this coverlet over you. Shall I pull down the +shades?" + +"No, I'd rather have the light. Please hand me that book over there on +the stand," said Lois, holding out her hand for the big, old-fashioned +brown volume that Dosia brought to her. + +"You oughtn't to read, you ought to go to sleep," said Dosia, with +tender severity. + +"I'm not going to read," returned Lois pacifically. Her hand closed over +the book, she smiled, and Dosia closed the door. Lois turned to the +sleeping child with a peculiar delight in being quite alone with +him--alone with him, to think. + +The book was a novel of some forty years ago, called, as the title-page +proclaimed, "The Woman's Kingdom," and written by Dinah Maria Mulock. A +neighbor had brought it in to Lois during the first month of her +convalescence--in all the time she had had it, she had never read any +further than that title-page. + +There is often more in the birth of a child than the coming of another +son or daughter into the world. Between those forces of life and death a +woman may also get her chance to be born anew, made over again, +spiritually as well as physically; in those long, restful hours +afterwards, when suspense is over and pain is over, and there is a +freedom from household cares, and one is looked upon with renewed +tenderness, the thoughts may flow over long, long ways. To face danger +bravely in itself gives strength for the clearer vision, and a +peculiarly loved child unlocks with its tiny hands springs unknown +before. + +Lois, though she had been a mother twice before, had never felt toward +either of the other children at all as she did now toward this little +boy. She could not bear to be parted from him. Somehow that terrible +corrosive selfishness had been blessedly taken away from her--for a +little while only? She only felt at first that she must not think of +those horrible depths, for fear of slipping back into the pit again; +even to think of the slimy powers of darkness gave them a fresh hold on +one. She put off her return to that soul-embracing egotism. It was sweet +to lie there and meet the tender gentleness of her husband's gaze when +he came home, and to talk to him about the baby as a child might talk +about a new toy, though she could not but begin to perceive that she was +as far, far out of his real life as if she had indeed been a child. + +One evening he came in to sit by her,--her convalescence had been a long +and dragging one,--and she had paused in the midst of telling him +something to await an answer. None came. She spoke again, and raised +herself to look. Then she saw that even within that brief space he had +fallen asleep, as a man may who is thoroughly exhausted. Thoroughly +exhausted! Everything proclaimed it--his attitude, grimly grotesque in +the dim light, one leg stretched out half in front of the other, as he +had dropped into the seat, his relaxed arms hanging down, his head +resting sidewise against the back of the chair, with the face sharply +upturned. The shadows lay in the hollows under his cheek-bones and in +those lines that marked his temples. Divested of color and the +transforming play of expression, he looked strangely old, terribly +lifeless. He slept without moving,--almost, it seemed, without +breathing,--while Lois, with a new dread, watched him with frightened, +dilated, fascinated eyes. How had he grown like this? What unnoticed +change had been at work? She called him again, but he did not hear; she +stretched out her arm, but he was just beyond reach. Suddenly it seemed +to her that he was dead, and that she could never reach him again; an +icy hand seemed to have been laid on her heart. What if never, never, +never---- + +Just then he opened his eyes and sat up, saying naturally, "Did you +speak?" + +"Oh, you frightened me so! Don't go to sleep like that again," said +Lois, with a shaking voice. "Come here." + +He came and knelt down by her, and she pressed his cheek close to hers +with a rush of painful emotion. "Why, you mustn't get worked up over a +little thing like that," he objected lightly, going out of the room +afterwards with a reassuring smile at her, while she gazed after him +with strangely awakened eyes. For the first time in months, she thought +of him without any idea of benefit to herself. + +The next day the neighbor sent her over the book; the title arrested her +attention oddly--"The Woman's Kingdom." Another phrase correlated with +it in her memory--"Queen of the Home." The home was supposed to be +woman's domain, where she was the sovereign power; there she was helper, +sustainer, director, the dear dispenser of favors. _The Woman's Kingdom, +Queen of the Home._ Gradually the words drew her down long lanes of +retrospect, led by the rose-leaf touch of the baby's fingers; _they_ +kept her strong. What kingdom had she ever made her own? She poor, +bedraggled, complaining suppliant, a beggar where she should have been a +queen! Home and the heart of her husband--there lay her woman's kingdom, +her realm, her God-given province. She had had the ordering of it, none +other; she had married a good man. Glad or sorry, that kingdom was as +her rule made it; she must be judged by her government--as she was queen +enough to hold it. She fell asleep that day thinking of the words. + +Day by day, other thoughts came to her more or less disconnectedly,--set +in motion by those magic words,--when she lay at rest in the afternoons, +with the book in her fingers and the dear little baby form close beside +her. Lois was one of those women of intense feeling who can never +perceive from imagination, but only from experience--who cannot even +adequately sympathize with sorrows and conditions which they have not +personally lived through. No advice touches them, for the words that +embody it are in a language not yet understood. The mistakes of the past +seem to have been necessary, when they look back. Given the same +circumstances, they could not have acted differently; but they seldom +look back--the present, that is always climbing on into the future, +occupies them exclusively. + +Lois with "The Woman's Kingdom" in her hand, felt that some source of +power and happiness which she had not realized had slipped from her +grasp, yet might still be hers. So many disconnected, half-childish +thoughts came with the words--historic names of women whom men had loved +devotedly, who had kept them as their friends and lovers even when they +themselves had grown old, women who had never lost their charm. There +were those women of the French salons, who could interest even other +generations; Queens indeed! She couldn't really interest one man! She +thought over the married couples of her acquaintance, in search of those +who should reveal some secret, some guiding light. One woman across the +street had no other object in life than purveying to the household +comfort of her husband, and seemed, good soul, to expect nothing from +him in return; if William liked his fish, she was repaid. A couple +farther down appeared to be held together by the fact of marriage, +nothing more; they were bored to death by each other's society. Another +couple were happily absorbed in their children, to whom they were both +sacrificially subordinate. With none of these conditions could Lois be +satisfied. Then, there were the women who always spoke as if a man were +an animal and a woman were not a woman, but a spirit; but Lois was very +much a woman! She settled at last, after penetrative thought, on one +husband and wife, the latter a plain little person no longer young. +Every man liked to go to her charming, comfortable house; every man +admired her; and that her husband, a very handsome man himself, admired +her most of all was unobtrusively evident. Every look, every gesture, +betrayed the charming, vivifying unity between those two. How was it +accomplished? + +How could one interest a man like that? There was Eugene Larue--she +could interest him! The thought of him always gave her a sense of +conscious power; he paid her homage. She did not know what his relations +were with other women, but of his with her she was sure: she felt her +woman's kingdom. If you could talk to the soul of a man like that as if +he had the soul of an angel, and learn from him what you wanted to +know--get his guidance--But Lois was before all things inviolably a +wife, with the instinctive dignity of one. The sympathy between her and +Eugene Larue was so deep that she feared sometimes that in some brief +moment she might reveal in words, to be forever regretted afterwards, +conditions which he knew without her telling. To be loved as Eugene +Larue would love a woman! But his wife had not cared to be loved that +way. Lois took deep, thoughtful counsel of her heart. If they two, she +and Eugene, had met while both were free? The answer was what she had +known it would be, else she had not dared to make the test--the man who +was her husband was the only man who could ever have been her husband. +Justin! + +With "The Woman's Kingdom" in her hand now, her lips touching the cheek +of the soft little darling thing beside her, she felt that some +knowledge had been gradually revealed to her, of which she was now +really aware only for the first time. Justin was not looking well--that +was what Dosia had said. Oh, he was not looking well! But she would make +him forget his cares, his anxieties, with this new-found power of hers; +she would bewitch him, take him off his feet, so that he would be able +to think of nothing, of no one, but her--he had not always thought of +her! No, no--she would not remember that, _she would not pity herself_. +She would learn to laugh, even if it took heroic effort--men liked you +to laugh, she had always taken everything too seriously. The vision of +his sleeping, _dead_ face of a month ago frightened her for a moment, +painfully; but he had seemed better since, though, as Dosia said, he +didn't look well. Oh, when he came home to-night----! + +She dressed herself with a new care, putting on a soft yellowish gown +with a yoke of creamy lace, unworn for months. The color was more +brilliant than ever in her cheeks, her lips redder, her eyes more deeply +blue. The children exclaimed over their "pretty mamma"; she looked +younger, more beautiful, than Dosia had ever seen her. The latter could +not help saying: + +"How lovely you are, Lois! And you're all dressed up, too; do you expect +anyone?" + +"Only Justin," said Lois. + +"Only Justin"! The words brought an exquisite joy with them--only +Justin, the one man in all the world for her. There was but a half-hour +now until dinner-time. It had passed, and he had not come; but he was +often late--Still he did not come; that happened too, sometimes. The two +women sat down to dinner alone, at last. The baby woke up afterwards, an +unusual thing, and wailed, and would not stop; Lois, divested of her +rich apparel and once more swathed in a loose, shabby gown, rocked and +soothed the infant interminably, while Dosia, her efforts to help +unavailing, crouched over a book down-stairs, trying to read. After an +interval of quiet she went up again, to find Lois at last lying down. + +"It's eleven o'clock, Lois; I think I'll go to bed. Shall I leave the +gas burning down-stairs?" + +"Yes, please do; he can't get anything now but the last train out." + +"And you don't want me to stay here with you?" + +"No--oh, no." + +As once before, Lois waited for that train--yet how differently! If that +injured feeling rose, for an instant, at his not having sent her word, +she crushed it back as one would crush the head of a viper that showed +itself between the crevices of the hearthstone. She would not pity +herself--she would not pity herself! She knew now that madness lay that +way. + +The night was clear and warm, the stars were shining, as she got up and +sat by the window, looking out from behind the curtain, her beautiful +braided hair over one shoulder. The last train came in, the people from +it, in twos and threes, straggled down the street, but not Justin. He +must have missed that last train out--of course he must have missed it! + +We are apt to fancy causeless disaster to those we love; the amount of +"worry" more or less willingly indulged in by uncontrolled minds seems +at times enough to swamp the understanding. Yet there is a foreboding, +unsought, unwelcomed, combated, which, once felt, can never be +counterfeited; it carries with it some chill, unfathomed quality of +truth. + +Lois knew now that she had had this foreboding all day. + + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE + + +"And you haven't heard _anything_ of him yet?" + +"Not yet, Mrs. Alexander. I'm sorry--oh, so sorry--to have nothing more +to tell you. But I'm sure we'll hear something before morning." + +Bailey Girard spoke with confidence, his eyes bent controllingly on +Lois, who trembled as she stood in the little hallway, looking up at +him, with Dosia behind her. This was the third night since that one when +Justin had failed to appear, and there had been no word from him in the +interim. Owing to that curious way that women have of waiting for events +to happen that will end suspense, rather than seeking to end it by any +unaccustomed action of their own, no inquiry had been made at the +Typometer Company until late in the afternoon of the next day, which had +been passed in the hourly expectation of hearing from Justin or seeing +him walk in. However, nobody at the company knew anything of Justin's +movements, except that he had left the office rather early the afternoon +before, and had been seen to take a car going up-town. It was presumable +that he had been called suddenly out of town, and had sent some word to +Mrs. Alexander that had miscarried. + +That evening, however, Lois sent for Leverich, who was evidently +disquieted, though bluffly and rather irritatingly making light of her +fears; he seemed to be both a little reluctant and a little +contemptuous. + +"My dear Mrs. Alexander, you can't expect a fellow to be always tied to +his wife's apron-strings! He doesn't tell you everything. We like to +have a free foot once in a while. Why, my wife's glad when I get off for +a day or two--coaxes me to go away herself! And as for anything +happening to Alexander--well, an able-bodied man can look out for +himself every time; there's nothing in the world to be anxious about. +He's meant to wire to you and forgotten to do it, that's all--I forgot +it myself last year, when I was called away suddenly, but Myra didn't +turn a hair; she knew I was all right. And if I were you, Mrs. +Alexander,--this is just a tip,--I wouldn't go around telling _everyone_ +that he's gone off and you don't know where he is. It's the kind of +thing folks get talking about in all kinds of ways; his affairs aren't +in any too good shape, as he may have told you." + +"Isn't the business all right?" queried Lois, with a puzzled fear. + +"Oh, yes, of course--all right; but--I wouldn't go around wondering +about his being away; he's got his own reasons. You haven't a telephone, +have you? I'll send around word to have one put in to-day. I'll tell you +what, I'll ask Bailey Girard to come around and see you on the +quiet--he's got lots of wires he can pull. You won't need me any more." + +Leverich's meeting with Dosia had been characterized on his part by a +show of brusque uninterest; he seemed to her indefinably lowered and +coarsened in some way--his cheeks sagged, in his eyes was an unpleasant +admission that he must bluster to avoid the detection of some weakness. +And Dosia had lived in his house, eaten at his table, received benefits +from him, caressed him prettily! He had been really kind to her, she +ought not to let that fact be defaced, but everything connected with +that time seemed to lower her in retrospect, to fill her with a sort of +horror. All his loud rebuttal of anxiety now could not cover an +undercurrent of uneasiness that made the anxiety of the two women +tenfold greater when he was gone. + +Mr. Girard had come twice the next morning. Dosia, as well as Lois, had +seen him both times; he had greeted her with matter-of-fact courtesy, +and appealed to her with earnest painstaking, whenever necessary, for +details or confirmation, in their mutual office of helpers to Mrs. +Alexander, but the retrieving warmth and intimacy of his manner the day +he had avoided her in the street was lacking. There was certainly +nothing in Dosia's quietly impersonal attitude to call it forth. Her +face no longer swiftly mirrored each fleeting emotion at all times, for +anyone to see--poor Dosia had learned in a bitter school her woman's +lesson of concealment. + +But, if Girard were only sensibly consulting with her, toward Lois his +sympathy was instinct with strength and helpfulness. He seemed to have +affiliations with reporters, with telegraph operators, and with a +hundred lower runways of life unknown to other people. He gave the +tortured wife the feeling so dear, so sustaining to one in sorrow, of +his being entirely one with her in its absorption--of there being no +other interest, no other issue in life, but this one of Justin's return. +When Girard came, bright and alert and confident, all fears seemed to be +set at rest; during the few minutes that he stayed all difficulties were +swept away, everything was on the right train, word would arrive from +Justin at once; and when he left, all was black and terrible again. + +The children had clung to Dosia in the hours of these strange days when +mamma never seemed to hear their questions. Dosia read to them, made +merry for them, and saw to the household, which was dependent on the +service of a new and untrained maid, going back in the interval to put +her young arms around Lois and hold her close with aching pity. + +The suspense of these days had changed Lois terribly--her cheeks were +hollow, her mouth was drawn, her eyes looked twice their natural size, +with the black circles below them. Only the knowledge that her baby's +welfare--perhaps his life--depended on her, kept her from giving way +entirely. Redge, always a complicating child, had an attack of croup, +which necessitated a visit from the doctor and further anxiety. Toward +afternoon of this third day a man came to put in the telephone, which +set them in touch with the unseen world. Girard's voice over it later +had been mistakenly understood to promise an immediate ending of the +mystery. + +Everything was excitement--delicacies were bought, in case Justin might +like them, Redge and Zaidee were hurriedly dressed in their best "to see +dear papa," and, even though they had to go to bed without the desired +result, Redge in a fresh spasm of coughing, it was with the repeated +promise that the father should come up-stairs to kiss them as soon as he +got in. + +Expectation had been unwarrantedly raised so high in the suddenly +sanguine heart of Lois that now, to-night, at Girard's word that nothing +more had been heard, as she was still looking up at him everything +turned black before her. She found herself half lying on the little +spindle-legged sofa, without knowing how she got there, her head +pillowed on a green silken cushion, with Dosia fanning her, while Girard +leaned against the little mirrored mantelpiece with set face and +contracted brows. Presently Lois pushed away the fan, made a motion as +if to rise, only to relapse again on the cushion; she looked up at +Girard and tried to smile with piteous, brimming eyes. + +"Ah, don't!" he said, with a quick gesture. His voice had an odd sound, +as if drawing breath hurt him, yet with it mingled also a compassionate +tenderness so great that it seemed to inform not only his face but his +whole attitude as he bent over her. + +"You're very good to be so sorry for me," she whispered. + +He made a swift gesture of protest. "There's one thing I can't stand--to +see a woman suffer." + +She waited a moment, as if to take in his words, and then motioned him +to the seat beside her. When she spoke again, it was slowly, as if she +were trying to concentrate her mind: + +"You have known sorrow?" + +"Yes." + +"Tell me." + +He saw that she wished to forget her own trouble for a moment in that of +another, yet the effort to obey evidently cost him much. They had both +spoken as if they two were alone in the room. Dosia, who had withdrawn +to the ottoman some paces away, out of the radius of the lamp, sat there +in her white cotton frock, leaning a little forward, her hands clasped +loosely in her lap, her face upraised and her eyes looking somewhere +beyond. So still was she, so gentle, so fair, that she might have been a +spirit outside the stormy circle in which these two communed. In such +moments as these she prayed for Lawson. + +"I"--it was Girard who spoke at last--"my mother--Cater said once that +he'd told you something about me." + +"Yes, I remember." + +"It's hard to talk about it, yet sometimes I feel as if I'd like to. You +see, I was so little when we drifted off, she and I. I didn't know how +to help, how to save her anything. Yet it has always seemed to me since +that I ought to have known--I ought to have known!" His hands clenched, +his voice had subsided to a groan. + +"You were her comfort when you least thought it," said Lois. + +"Perhaps; I've always hoped so, in my saner moments. No matter how I +should try I could never tell anyone what that time was really like. It +seems now as if we were wandering for years, but I don't suppose it was +for so very long. We stumbled along from day to day, and slept out at +night, always trying to keep away from people, when--she thought we were +going back to our old home in the South, and that they would prevent +us." He stopped for a moment, and then went on, driven by that Ancient +Mariner spirit which makes people, once they have touched on a forbidden +subject, probe it to its haunting depths. "Did Cater tell you how she +died? She died in a barn. My _mother_! She used to hold me in her arms +at night, and make me rest my head against her bosom when I was tired; +and I didn't even have a pillow for her when she was dying; it's one of +those things you can never make up for--that you can never change, no +matter how you live, no matter what you do. It comes back to you when +you least expect it." + +Both were silent for a while before Lois murmured: "But the pain ended +in happiness and peace for her. It would hurt her more than anything to +know that you grieved." + +"Yes, I believe that," he acquiesced simply. "I'm glad you said it now. +I couldn't rest until I got money enough to take her out of her pauper +grave and lay her by the side of her own people at home." + +"And you have had a pretty hard time." + +"Oh, that's nothing!" He squared his shoulders with unconscious rebuttal +of sympathy. "When I was a kid, perhaps--but I get a lot of pleasure out +of life." + +"But you must be lonely without anyone belonging to you," said Lois, +trying to grope her way into the labyrinth. "Wouldn't you be happier if +you were married?" + +He laughed involuntarily and shook his head, with a slight flush that +seemed to come from the embarrassment of some secret thought. The +action, and the change of expression, made him singularly charming. +"Possibly; but the chance of that is small. Women--that is, unmarried +women--don't care for my society." + +"Oh, oh!" protested Lois, with quick knowledge, as she looked at him, of +how much the reverse the truth must be. "But if you found the right +woman you might make her care for you." + +He shook his head, with a sudden gleam in his gray eyes. "No; there +you're wrong. I'd never make any woman care for me, because I'd never +want to. If she couldn't care for me without my _making_ her--! I'd have +to know, when I first looked at her, that she was _mine_. And if she +were not, if she did not care for me herself, I'd never want to make +her--never!" + +"Oh, oh!" protested Lois again, with interested amusement, shattered the +next instant as a fragile glass may be shattered by the blow of a +hammer. + +The telephone-bell had rung, and Girard ran to it, closing the +intervening door behind him. The curtain of anxiety, lifted for +breathing-space for a moment, hung over them again somberly, like a +pall. Where was Justin? + +The two women clinging together hung breathlessly on Girard's movements; +his low, murmuring voice told nothing. When he returned to where they +stood, his face was impassive. + +"Nothing new; I'm just going to town for a couple of hours, that's all." + +"Oh, must you leave us?" + +"I'm coming back, if you'll let me." He bent over Lois with that earnest +look which seemed somehow to insure protection. "I want you to let me +stay down-stairs here all night, if you will; I'm going to make +arrangements to get a special message through, no matter what time it +comes, and I'll sit here in the parlor and wait for it, so that you and +Miss Linden can sleep." + +"Oh, I'd be so glad to have you here! Redge has that croupy cough again. +But you can't sit up," said Lois. + +"Why not? It's luxury to stay awake in a comfortable chair with a lot of +books around. I'll be back in a couple of hours without fail." + +A couple of hours! If he had said a couple of years, the words could +have brought, it seemed, no deeper sense of desolation. Hardly had he +gone, however, when the door-bell rang, and word was brought to Lois, +who with Dosia had gone up-stairs, that it was Mr. Harker from the +typometer office. The visitor, a tall, colorless, darkly sack-coated +man, with a jaded necktie, had entered the little drawing-room with a +decorously self-effacing step, and sat now on the edge of his chair, his +body bent forward and his hat still held in one hand, with an effect of +being entirely isolated from social relations and existing here solely +at the behest of business. He rose as Lois came into the room, and +handed her a small packet, in response to her greeting, before reseating +himself. + +"Thank you very much," said Lois. "This is the money, I suppose. I'm +sorry you went to the trouble of bringing it out yourself, I thought you +might send me a check." + +Mr. Harker shook his head with a grim semblance of a smile. "That's the +trouble, Mrs. Alexander, we can't send any checks, Mr. Alexander is the +one who does that. Everything is in Mr. Alexander's name. I went to Mr. +Leverich to-day to see how we were going to straighten out things, but +he doesn't seem inclined to take hold at all, though he could help us +out easily enough if he wanted to. I--there's no use keeping it back, +Mrs. Alexander. This is a pretty bad time for Mr. Alexander to stay +away. He ought to be home." + +"Why, yes," said Lois. + +"Exactly. His absence places us all in a very strange, very unpleasant +position." Mr. Harker spoke with a sort of somber monotony, with his +gaze on the ground. "The business requires the most particular +management at the moment--the most particular. I--" He raised his eyes +with such tragic earnestness that Lois realized for the first time that +this manner of his might not be his usual manner, but was called forth +by the stress of anxiety. For the first time also, the force of the +daily tie of business companionship was borne in upon her. She looked at +Mr. Harker. This man spent more waking hours with Justin than she +did--knew him, perhaps, in a sense, better. + +He went on now, with a tremor in his voice: "Mrs. Alexander, your +husband and I have worked together for a year and a half now, with never +a word between us. I'm ready to swear by him any moment, if I've got him +to swear by. I'll back him up in anything, no matter what, if it's his +say-so--we've pulled through a good many tight places. But I can't do it +alone; it's madness to try. If he doesn't show up, I'd better close the +place down at once." + +"Why do you say this to me?" asked Lois, shrinking a little. + +"Why? because,--Mrs. Alexander, this is no time to mince words; if you +know where your husband is, for God's sake, get word to him to come +back--every minute is precious. He may be ill--Heaven knows he had +enough to make him so; my wife knows the strain I've been through, she +says she wonders I'm alive,--but he can't look after his health now. If +he's on top of ground, he's got to _come_. I've put every cent I own +into this business. I haven't drawn my whole salary, even, for months. I +don't know what reasons he has for staying away, but his nerve mustn't +give out now." + +"Mr. Harker!" cried Lois. She turned blankly to Dosia, who had come +forward. "What does he mean?" + +"She doesn't know where her husband is," said the girl convincingly. Her +eyes and Mr. Harker's met. The somber eagerness faded out of his; he +sighed and rose. + +"Anything I can do for you, Mrs. Alexander? I think I'll hurry to catch +the next train; I haven't been home to my dinner yet." + +"Won't you have something here before you go?" asked Lois. "It's so +late." + +"Oh, that's nothing, I'm used to it," returned Mr. Harker, with a pale +smile and the passive, self-effacing business manner as he departed, +while Lois went up-stairs once more. The baby cried, and she soothed +him, holding the warm little form close, closer to her--something +tangible before she put him down again to step back into this strange +void where Justin was not. + +For the first time, in this meeting with Mr. Harker, Lois realized the +existence of a world beyond her ken--a world that had been Justin's. New +as the visitor's words had been, they seemed to open to her a vision of +herculean struggle; the way this man had looked--his wife had "wondered +that he was still alive." And Justin--where was he now? _She_ had not +noticed, she had not wondered--until lately. + +Slight as seemed her recognition, her sympathy, her help, it was the one +thing now that kept her reason firm. She knew that she had not been all +unfaithful; sometimes he had been rested, sometimes cheered, when she +was near. She had suffered, too, _she_ had longed for his help and +sympathy. No, she would not think of _that_; she would not! When two are +separated, one must love enough to bridge the gulf--what matter which +one? It seemed now as if there were so much that she might have given, +as if all this torrent of love that nearly broke her heart might have +been poured out and poured out at his feet--lavished on him, without +regard to need or fitness or expense, as Mary lavished her precious box +of spikenard on One she loved. Now that he was gone, there could be +nothing too hard to have done for him, no words too sweet for her to +have said to him. + +Redge woke up and cried for her, and she told him hoarsely to be still; +and then, suddenly conscience-stricken and fearful at the slighting of +this other demand of love,--what awful reprisal might it not exact from +her?--she went to kiss the child, to infold him in her arms, the boy +that Justin loved, before she bade him go to sleep, for mother would +stay by her darling. And, left to herself again, the grinding and +destroying wheel of thought had her bound to it once more. + +He could not have left her of his own will! If he did not come, it would +be because he was dead--and then he could never know, never, never know. +There would be nothing left to her but the place where he had been. She +looked at the walls and the homely furnishings as one seeing them for +the first time bare forever of the beloved presence, and fell on her +knees, and went on them around the room, dragging herself from chair to +sofa, from sofa to bed,--these were the Stations of the Cross that she +was making,--with sobs and cries, low and inarticulate, yet carrying +with them the awful anguish of a heart laid bare before the Almighty. +Here his dear hand had rested, while he thought of her; on this +table--here--and here--and here his head had lain. Her tears ceased; she +buried her face in the pillow. She must go after him, wherever he was, +in this world or another. For he was her husband--where he was she must +be, either in body or in spirit. + +The telephone-bell rang, and Dosia answered it, the voice at the other +end inquiring for Mr. Girard, cautiously, it seemed; withholding +information from any other. The doctor rang up, in response to an +earlier call, with directions for Redge. Hardly had the receiver been +laid down when the door-bell clanged. This was to be a night of the +ringing of bells! + + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO + + +This time, of course, the visitor was Mrs. Snow. In any exigency, any +mind- and body-absorbing event of life, the inopportune presence of Mrs. +Snow was inexorably to be counted on, though it came always as one of +those exasperating recurrences which bring with them a ridiculously +fresh irritation each time. It seemed to be the one extra thing you +couldn't stand; in either trouble or joy she affected you like a +clinging, ankle-flapping mackintosh on a rainy day. She bowed now to +Dosia with a patronizing dignity, pointed by the plaintive warmth of the +greeting to Lois, who had come hurrying down-stairs out of those +passion-depths of darkness so that Mrs. Snow wouldn't suspect anything. +She had an uncanny faculty of divining just what you didn't want her to. + +Once before Lois had suspended tragedy for Mrs. Snow. The same things +happen to us over and over again daily in our crowded yet restricted +lives--it is we who change in our meeting with them. We have our great +passions, our great joys, our heartbreaks, no matter how small our +environment. + +"How do you do, my dear? Mr. Girard has just told me that he was going +to stay here to-night, in Mr. Alexander's absence. He said little Redge +was threatened with the croup. Now, if I had only known that Mr. +Alexander was away, _I_ could have come and stayed with you!" + +"Oh, that wasn't at all necessary," said Lois hastily. "Thank you very +much. Do sit down, won't you, Mrs. Snow?" + +"Only for a minute, then; I must go back to Bertha," said Mrs. Snow, +seating herself and fumbling for something under her cloak. "I just came +over to read you a letter. It's in my bag--I can't seem to find it. +Well, perhaps I'd better rest for a minute." Mrs. Snow's face looked +unusually lined and set; in spite of her plaintiveness, her eyes had a +harassed glitter. + +"Isn't it rather late for you to be out alone?" asked Lois. + +"Yes; Ada would have come around here with me, but she was expecting Mr. +Sutton. She was expecting him last night, but he didn't come. If _I_ +were a young lady, I'd let a gentleman wait for _me_ the next time; it +used to be thought more attractive, in my day, but Ada's so afraid of +not seeming cordial; gentlemen seem to be so sensitive nowadays! I said +to her, 'Ada, when a man is enough at home in a house to kick the cat, +and ask for cake whenever he feels like it, I do _not_ see that it is +necessary to stand on ceremony with him.' But Ada thinks differently." + +"It is difficult to make rules," said Lois vaguely. + +"Yes," sighed Mrs. Snow. "As I was saying to Bertha, you don't find a +young man like Mr. Girard so considerate of everyone--not that he's so +_very_ young, either; I'm sure he often appears much older than he is. +It's his manner--he has a manner like my dear father. He and Bertha have +long chats together; really, he is what _I_ would call quite attentive, +though she won't hear of such a thing--but sometimes young men _do_ take +a great fancy for older girls. I had a friend who married a gentleman +twenty-seven years younger--he died soon afterwards. But many people +think nothing of a little difference of twelve or fifteen years. I said +to Bertha this morning, 'Bertha, if you'd dress yourself a little +younger--if you'd only wear a blue bow in your hair.' But no; I can't +say anything nowadays to my own children without being flown at!" Mrs. +Snow's voice trembled. "If my darling William were here!" + +"Have you heard from William lately?" asked Lois, with supreme effort. + +"My dear, he's in Chicago. I came over to read you a letter from him +that I got to-night. That new postman left it at the Scovels', by +mistake, and they never sent it over until a little while ago. There was +a sentence in it," Mrs. Snow was fumbling with a paper, "that I thought +you'd like to hear. Where is it? Let me see. 'Next month I hope to be +able to send you more'--no, no, that's not it. 'When my socks get holes +in them I throw them'--that's not it, either. Oh! he says, 'I caught a +glimpse of Mr. Alexander last night, getting on a West Side car'--this +was written yesterday morning. 'I called to him, but too late. I'm +sorry, for I'd like to have seen him.' That's all, but Mr. Girard seemed +so pleased with the letter, I promised that I would bring it around to +you that very minute,--_he_ had to run for the train,--but I was +detained. He thought you'd like to hear that William had seen Mr. +Alexander." + +Like to hear! The relief for the moment turned Lois faint. Yet, after +Mrs. Snow went, the torturing questions began to repeat themselves +again. Justin was alive--Justin was alive on Tuesday night. Was he alive +now? And why had he gone to Chicago at all? Why had he sent her no word? +The wall between them seemed only the more opaque. Every fear that +imagination could devise seemed to center around this new fact. + +She and Dosia went around, straightening up the little drawing-room, +making it ready for Girard's occupancy--pulling out a big chair for his +use, and putting fresh books on the table. The maid had long ago gone to +bed, and there was coffee to be made for him--he might get hungry in the +night. When he came in at last, he brought all the brightness and +courage of hope with him; he had wired to William, he had phoned to a +dozen different places in Chicago. + +"Oh, what should we do without you?" breathed Lois, her foot on the +stairway. + +"It doesn't seem to me I've helped you very much so far, our one clue +has been from Mrs. Snow. I want you to go to bed now, and to sleep, Mrs. +Alexander; take all the rest you can. I'm here to do the watching. If +there's anything really to tell, I'll call you, I promise faithfully. +What is it, Miss Linden? Did you want to speak to me?" + +"There was a message for you while you were gone," said Dosia in a low +tone. + +His eyes assented. "Yes, I went there--to the place that they--but it +wasn't Alexander, I'm glad to say, though I was afraid when I went +in----" + +"I know," said Dosia. + +Another strange night had begun, with the master of the house away. Lois +went to her room to lie down clothed, jumping up to come to the head of +the stairs whenever the telephone-bell rang, and then going back again +when she found that those who were consulting were asking for +information instead of giving it, but by and by the messages ceased. + +Suppose Justin never came back! She began to feel that he had been gone +for years, and tried confusedly to plan out the future. There were the +children--how should she support them? She must support them. It was +hard to get work when you had a baby. If she hadn't the baby--no one +should take the baby from her! She clasped him to her for a moment in +terror, as if she were being hunted, before she grew calm and began +planning again. There was only a little money left--to-morrow they must +still eat. She must make the money last. + +Dosia, on the bed by Redge's crib, went softly after a while into the +other room, and saw that Lois at last slept, though she herself could +not. Each time that she saw Girard he seemed more and more a stranger, +so far removed was he from her dream of him; through all his softness, +his gentleness, she felt the streak of hardness, if nobody else +did--though Mr. Cater, she remembered now, had spoken of it too--that +the fires of adversity had molded. Perhaps no man could have worked up +from the cruel circumstances of his early days without that hardening +streak to uphold him. She divined, with some surprising new power of +divination, that in spite of all his strong, capable dealing with +actualities and his magnetic drawing of men, for the inner conduct of +his own life he was shyly dependent on odd, deeply held theory--theory +that he had solitarily woven for himself. She felt impersonally sorry +for him, as for a boy who must be disappointed, though he was nothing to +her. + +Yet, as Dosia lay there in the dumb stretches of the night, her tired +eyes wide open, close to Redge's crib, with his little hot hand clinging +to hers, the mere fact of Girard's bodily presence in the house, +down-stairs, seemed something overpoweringly insistent; she couldn't get +away from it. It gave her, apparently, neither pleasure nor pain; it +called forth no conscious excitement as had been the case with +Lawson--unless this strange, rarefied sense was a higher excitement. +This consciousness of his presence was, tiresomely enough, something not +to be escaped from; it pulsed in every vein, keeping her awake. She +tried to lose it in the thought of Lois' great trouble, of this +weighting, pitiful mystery of Justin's absence--of what it meant to him +and to the household; she tried to lose it in the thought of Lawson, +with the prayer that always instinctively came at his name. Nothing +availed; through everything was that wearing, persistent consciousness +of Girard's bodily presence down-stairs. If it would only fade out, so +that she might sleep, she was so tired! The clock struck two. A voice +spoke from the other room, sending her to her feet instantly: + +"Dosia?" + +"Yes, Lois, dearest, I'm here." + +"Has any word come from Justin?" + +"No." + +Lois shivered. "I think, when Redge wakes up next, you'd better give him +a drink of water, he sounds so hoarse. I've used all I brought up. Do +you mind going down to get some more? I would go myself, but I can't +slip my arm from under baby; he wakes when I move. Here is the pitcher." + +"Yes," said Dosia, stopping for a moment to pull the coverlet tenderly +over Lois, before stepping out into the lighted hall. + +It seemed very silent; there was no sound from below. Dosia went down +the low, wide stairs with that indescribable air of the watcher in the +night. Her white cotton gown, the same that she had worn throughout the +afternoon, had lost its freshness, and clung to her figure in twisted +folds; the waist was slightly open at the throat, and the long white +necktie was half untied. One cheek was warm where it had pressed the +pillow; the other was pale, and her hair, half loosened, hung against +it. Her eyes, very blue, showed a rayed starriness, the pupils +contracted from the sudden light--her expression, tired and half +bewildered, had in it somewhat of the little lost look of a child, up in +the unwonted middle of the night, who might go naturally and comfortably +into any kind arms held out to her. The turn of the stairs brought her +fronting the little drawing-room and the figure of Girard, who sat +leaning forward, smoking, in the Morris chair, with his elbow resting on +the arm of it and his head on his hand; the books and bric-a-brac on the +table beside him had been pushed back to make room for the tray +containing the coffee-pot, a cup and saucer, and a plate with some +biscuits; a newspaper lay on the floor at his feet. Notwithstanding the +light in the hallway and the room, there was that odd atmospheric effect +which belongs only to the late and solitary hours of the night, when the +very furniture itself seems to share in a chill detachment from the life +of the day. Yet, in the midst of this night silence, this withdrawing of +the ordinary vital forces, the figure of Bailey Girard seemed to be +extraordinarily instinct with vitality, even in that second before he +moved; his attitude, his eyes, his expression, were informed with such +intense and eager thoughts that it was as startling, as instantly +arresting, as the blast of a trumpet. + +At the sound of Dosia's light oncoming step opposite the door, he rose +at once, and with a quick stride stood beside her. He seemed tall and +unexpectedly dazzling as he confronted her; his deep set gray eyes were +very brilliant. + +"What is the matter? Is Mrs. Alexander ill?" + +"No--oh, no; the children have been restless, that is all," said Dosia, +recovering, with annoyed self-possession, from a momentary shock, and +feeling disagreeably conscious of looking tumbled and forlorn. "I came +down to get a pitcher of water." + +"Can't I get it in the dining-room for you?" he asked, with formal +politeness. + +"Thank you. The water isn't running in the butler's pantry, I have to go +in the kitchen for it. If you would light the gas there for me----" + +"Yes, certainly," he responded promptly, pushing the portieres aside to +make a passage for her, as he went ahead to scratch a match and light +the long, one-armed flickering kitchen burner. The bare, deeply shadowed +floor, the kitchen table, the blank windows, and the blackened range, in +which the fire was out, came desolately into view. There was a sense as +of the deep darkness of the night outside around everything. + +A large white cat lying on a red-striped cushion on a chair by the +chilly hearth stretched itself and blinked its yellow eyes toward the +two intruders. + +"Let me fill this," said Girard, taking the pitcher from her--a rather +large, clumsy majolica article with a twisted vine for a handle--and +carrying it over to the faucet. The intimacy of the hour and the scene +emphasized the more the punctilious aloofness of this enforced +companionship. + +Dosia leaned back against the table, while he let the water run, that it +might grow cold. It sounded in the silence as if it were falling on a +drumhead. The moment--it was hardly more--seemed interminable to Dosia. +The white cat, jumping up on the table, put its paws on her shoulders, +and she leaned back very absently, and curved her throat sideways that +her cheek might touch him in recognition. Some inner thought claimed +her, to the exclusion of the present; her eyes, looking dreamily before +her, took on that expression that was indescribably gentle, intolerably +sweet. + +Dosia has been ill described if it has not been made evident that to +caress, to _touch_ her, seemed the involuntarily natural expression of +any feeling toward her. Something in the bright, tendril-curling hair, +the curve of her young cheek, the curve of her red lips, her light, yet +rounded form, with its confiding, unconscious movements, made as +inevitable an allure as the soft rosiness of a darling child, with +always the suggestion of that illusive spirit that dared, and retreated, +ever giving, ere it veiled itself, the promise of some lovelier glimpse +to come. + +The water had stopped running, and Dosia straightened herself. She +raised her head, to meet his eyes upon her. What was in them? The color +flamed in her face and left her white, although in a second there was +nothing more to see in his but a deep and guarded gentleness as he came +toward her with the pitcher. + +"I'll take it now, please," she said hurriedly. + +"Won't you let me carry it up for you?" + +"Thank you, it isn't necessary. I'll go along, if you'll wait and turn +out the light." + +"Very well. You're sure it's not too heavy for you?" he asked anxiously, +as her wrists bent a little with the weight. + +"Oh, no, indeed," said Dosia quickly, turning to go. At that moment the +white cat, jumping down from the table in front of her, rubbed itself +against her skirts, and she stumbled slightly. + +"Take care!" cried Girard, grasping the shaking pitcher over her slight +hold of it. + +Their hands touched--for the first time since the night of disaster, the +night of her trust and his protection. The next instant there was a +crash--the fragments of the jug lay upon the kitchen floor, the water +streaming over it in rivulets. + +"Dosia!" called the frightened voice of Lois from above. + +"Yes, I'm coming," Dosia called back. "There's nothing the matter!" She +had run from the room without looking up at that figure beside her, +snatching a glass of water automatically from the dining-table as she +passed by it. Fast as her feet might carry her, they could not keep pace +with her beating heart. + +When the telephone-bell rang a moment after, it was to confirm the +tidings given before. Justin was in Chicago. + +[Illustration: _He came toward her with the pitcher_] + + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE + + +Justin was in Chicago,--the fact was verified, and he would start for +home on the morrow. There seemed to be no details, save the comforting +one that Billy Snow was with him. After that first sharp immediate +relief from suspense, Lois again felt its filminess settling down upon +her, all the more clingingly each time, not to be fully dissipated, +after all, until Justin's bodily return. + +Girard had gone back very early to the Snows' to breakfast. He talked to +Lois by telephone, but he did not come to the house; while Dosia, +wrapped in an outward abstraction that concealed a whirl within, went +about her daily tasks, living over and over the scene of the night +before. The shattering of the pitcher seemed to have shattered something +else. Once he had felt, then, as she had done; once--so far away that +night of disaster had gone, so long was it since she had held that +protecting hand in her dreams, that the touch brought a strange +resurrection of the spirit. She had an upwelling new sense of gratitude +to him for something unexpressed, some quality which she passionately +revered, and which other men had not always used toward her. + +"Oh, he's _good_, he's good!" she whispered to herself, with the tears +blinding her, as she picked up Redge's blocks from the floor. She felt +Lawson's kisses on her lips, her throat--that cross of shame that she +held always close to her; George Sutton's fat face thrust itself +leeringly before her. How many girls have passages in their lives to +which they look back with the shame that only purity and innocence can +feel! Yet the sense of Girard's presence before was as nothing to her +sense of it now--it blotted out the world. She saw him sitting alone in +the dining-room, with his head resting on his hand, the quiet attitude +filled intensely with life; the turn of his head, the shape of his hand, +were insistent things. She saw him standing in front of her, +long-limbed, erect of mien. She saw--If she looked pale and inert, it +was because that inner thought of her lived so hard that the body was +worn out with it. + +Neither telegram nor any other message came from Justin, except the bare +word that he had started home. Lois was not expecting him until nine +o'clock on the second morning, the early trains from town were coming +out at inconvenient intervals, but just as Lois had finished dressing, +she heard the hall door open and shut. She called, but cautiously, for +fear of disturbing her baby, who had dropped off to sleep again. + +Justin was standing by the table, looking at the newspaper, as she +entered the dining-room. With a cry, she ran toward him. "Justin!" + +He turned, and she put her arms around him passionately. He held her for +a moment, and then said, "You'd better sit down." + +"But, Justin--oh, my dearest, how ill you look!" She clung to him. +"Where have you been? Why didn't you send me any word?" + +"I've been to Chicago." + +"Yes, yes, I know. Why did you go?" + +"I don't know." + +"You don't _know_?" + +"Lois, will you give me some coffee?" + +She poured out the cup with trembling hands, and sat while he took a +swallow of the hot fluid, still scanning the newspaper. At last she +said: + +"Aren't you going to tell me any more?" + +"There isn't any more to tell. There's no use talking about it. I +believe I had some idea of selling the island when I went to Chicago, +but I don't know how I got there. I didn't know I was there until I woke +up two nights ago at a little hotel away out on the West Side; Billy +pounded on the door, and said they told him I had been asleep for +twenty-eight hours. I suppose I was dead tired out. I don't want to +speak of it again, Lois; it wasn't a particularly pleasant thing to +happen. Will you tell Mary to bring in the rest of the breakfast? I must +catch the eight-thirty train back into town. I ought to have stopped +there, but I thought you might be bothered, so I came out first. Where +are the children?" + +"They are coming down now with Dosia," said his wife, helping Mary with +the dishes, as the patter of little feet sounded in the hall. Redge ran +up to his father, hitting him jubilantly with a small stick which he +held in his chubby hand, and bringing irritated reproof down upon him at +once; but Zaidee, her blue eyes open, her lips parted over her little +white teeth, slid into the arm outstretched for her, and stood there +leaning against "Daddy's" side, while he ate and drank hurriedly, with +only one hand at his disposal. Poor Lois could not help one pang of +jealousy at being shut out, but she heroically smothered the feeling. + +"Mr. Harker was here the evening before last; he brought me some money," +she ventured at last. + +"That was all right." + +"And Mr. Girard was very kind; he stayed here all that night--until your +message came." + +"I hope you haven't been talking about this all over the place." + +"No--oh, no," said Lois, driving back the tears at this causeless +injury. "Mr. Leverich--he was here one morning--said it was best not to. +He was rather unpleasant, though. But nobody knows about your being away +at all. You're not going now, Justin--without even seeing baby?" + +"I'll see him to-night when I come home," said Justin, rising. He kissed +the children and his wife hastily, but she followed him into the hall, +standing there, dumbly beseeching, while he brushed his hat with the +hat-brush on the table, and then rummaged hastily as if for something +else. + +"Here are your gloves, if that is what you are looking for," she said. + +"Yes, thank you." He bent over and kissed her again, as if really seeing +her for the first time, with a whispered "Poor girl!" That momentary +close embrace brought her a needed--oh, so needed!--crumb of comfort. +She who had hungered so insatiably for recognition could be humbly +thankful now for the two words that spoke of an inner bond. + +But all day she could not get rid of that feeling of suspense that had +been hers for five days past; the strain was to end, of course, with +Justin's return, but it had not ended--in some sad, weighting fashion it +seemed to have just begun. What was he so worried about? Was she never +to hear any more? + +That night Girard came over, but with him was another visitor--William +Snow. No sun could brown that baby-fair skin of William's, but he had an +indefinably large and Western air; the very way in which he wore his +clothes showed his independence. Dosia did not notice his swift, covert, +shamefaced glance at her when she came into the room where he was +talking to Lois--his avoidance of her the year before had dropped clear +out of her mind; but his expression changed to one of complacent delight +as she ran to him instantly and clasped his arms with both hands to cry, +"Oh, Billy, Billy, I'm so glad to see you! I am so glad--I can't tell +you how glad I am!" + +"All right, Sweetness, you're not going to lose me again," said William +encouragingly. "My, but you do knock the spots out of those Western +girls. Can't we go in the dining-room by ourselves? I want to ask you to +marry me before we talk any more." + +"Yes, do," said Dosia, dimpling. + +It was sweet to be chaffed, to be heedlessly young once more, to take +refuge from all disconcerting thoughts--and from the new embarrassment +of Girard's presence--with Billy in the corner of the other room, where +she sat in a low chair, and he dragged up an ottoman close in front of +her. Through the open window the scent of honeysuckle came in with the +gloom. + +"Oh, but you've grown pretty!" he said, his hands clasped over his +knees, gazing at her. "That's right, get pink--it makes you prettier. I +like this slimpsy sort of dress you've got on; I like that black velvet +around your throat; I--have you missed me much?" + +"No," said Dosia, with the old-time sparkle. "I've hardly thought of you +at all. But I feel now as if I had." + +Billy nodded. "All right, I'll pay you up for that some day. Oh, Dosia, +you may think I'm joking, but I'm not! There have been days and nights +when I've done nothing but plan the things I was going to do and say to +make you care for me--but they're all gone the moment I lay eyes on you. +I'll talk of whatever you like afterwards, but I've got to say +first,"--Billy's voice, deep and manly and confident, had yet a little +shake in it,--"that nobody is going to marry you but me, and don't you +forget it. I'm no kid any more." Something in his tone gave his words +emphasis. "I know how to look out for you better than anyone else does." + +"Dear Billy," said Dosia, touched, and resting her cheek momentarily +against the rough sleeve of his coat, "it's so good to have you back +again." + +"I'm no kid any more," said William warningly. + +Lois, who had been longing intolerably all day for evening to come, so +that she could be alone with her husband, sat in the drawing-room, +trying to sew with nervous, trembling fingers, while her husband, +looking frightfully tired, and Bailey Girard smoked and talked--of all +things in the world!--of the relative merits of live bait or "spoon" +bait in trolling, and afterwards went minutely into details of the +manufacture of artificial lures for catching trout. + +Those waste "social" hours of non-interest, non-satisfaction, that must +be lived through before one can get to the place just ahead of them--how +long, how unbearably long, they can seem! Lois' face twitched, as well +as her fingers; Girard's voice, lucidly expressionless, went on and on +in reminiscent detail, and Justin, looking frightfully tired, but +apparently deeply interested, remembered and remembered the day they +caught this, and the way they landed that and, with exasperating +monotony, drew diagrams corroboratingly with two fingers on the table +beside him. She did not realize, as women do not, that to Justin this +conversation, banal and irrelevant to any action of his present life or +his present anxiety, was like coming up from under-depths to breathe at +a necessary air-hole. + +After five days of torturing, unexplained absence, to talk of nothing +but fishing, as if his life depended on it! Girard himself had wondered, +but he accepted the position allotted to him as a matter of course. He +had thought, from Justin's manner to-day, that he was to know something +of his affairs; but if Justin did not choose to confide in him, that was +all right. Possibly the affairs were all right, too; they were none of +his business, anyway. + +Suddenly a word in the fishing conversation caught the ears of the two +who were sitting in the dining-room, in a momentary pause. + +"That was the kind Lawson Barr used when he went down on the +Susquehanna. By the way, I hear that he's dead." + +Lawson! Dosia's face changed as if a whip had flicked across it, and +then trembled back into its normal quiet. William leaned a little +nearer, his eyes curiously scanning her. + +"Hadn't you heard before?" + +"No; what?" + +"He's dead." + +"Lawson _dead_! Not Lawson?" Her dry lips illy formed the words. + +"Yes, Dosia--don't look like that--don't let them see in there, Girard +is looking at you; turn your face toward me. Leverich told us, coming up +to-night. Lawson died a week ago." + +"How?" + +"Fell from his horse somewhere up in a canon--he was drunk, I reckon. +They found him twenty-four hours afterwards; the superintendent of the +mines wrote to Leverich. He'd tried to keep pretty straight out there, +all but the drinking, I guess that was too much for him. It was the best +thing he could do--to die--as Girard says. Girard hates the very sound +of his name." + +"Oh," breathed Dosia painfully. + +"The superintendent said that some of the miners chipped in to bury him, +and the woman he boarded with sent a pencil scrawl along with the +superintendent's letter to say that she'd 'miss Mr. Barr dreadful,--that +he'd get up and get the breakfast when she was sick, and the kids, they +thought the world of him.' She signed herself, 'A true mourner, Mrs. +Wilson.'" + +Lawson was dead! + +Dosia sat there, her hand clasping Billy's sleeve as at first--something +tangible to hold on to. Her gaze had gone far beyond the room, even that +haunting knowledge that Bailey Girard was near her was but a far, hidden +subconsciousness. She was out on a rocky slope beside a dead +body--Lawson, his head thrown back, those mocking, caressing eyes, those +curving, passionate lips, closed forever, the blood oozing from between +his dark locks. Always she had secretly visioned some distant day when, +Lucile-like, she might be near him, helping, though he would not know it +until he lay dying. As ever with poor Dosia, there was that sharp, +unbearable pang of self-reproach, of self-condemnation. Of what avail +her prayers, her belief in him, when he had died thus? Oh, she had not +prayed enough! She had not been good enough to be allowed to help; she +had not believed hard enough. Perhaps it had helped just a little--he +had "tried to keep pretty straight, all but the drinking; that was too +much for him." + +That covered some resistance in an under-world of which she knew +nothing. Poor Lawson, who had so early lost his chance, whose youth had +been poisoned at the start! In that grave where he lay, drunkard and +reveler, part of the youth of her, Dosia Linden,--once his promised +wife, to whom she had given herself in her soul,--must always lie too, +buried with him; nothing could undo that. To die so causelessly! But the +miners had "chipped in" for a resting-place for him--they had cared a +little; he had been kind to a woman and her little children--"the kids +had thought the world of him"; she was "a true mourner, Mrs. Wilson." +Dosia imagined him cheeringly cooking for this poor, worn-out mother, +carrying the children from place to place as she had once seen him carry +that little boy home from the ball, long, long ago. + +A strain from that unforgotten music came to her now, carrying her to +the stars! Oh, not for Lawson the splendid rehabilitation of the strong, +except in that one moment of denial when he had risen by the might of +his manhood in renunciation for her sake; only the humble virtues of his +weakness could be his--yet perhaps, in the sight of the God Who pities, +no such small offering, after all! + +"Dosia, you didn't really _care_ for him!" + +She smiled with pale lips and brimming eyes--an enigmatic answer which +Billy could not read. He sat beside her, smoothing her dress furtively, +until she got up, and, whispering, "I must go," left the room, +unconscious of Girard's following gaze. + +"I think we'd better be getting back," said the latter suddenly, in an +odd voice, rising in the middle of one of Justin's sentences as Billy +came straying in to join the group. + +Lois' heart leaped. She had felt that another moment of live bait and +reminiscences would be more than she could stand. + +"You need some rest," she said gratefully. "You have been tired out in +our service." + +"Oh, I'm not tired at all," he returned shortly. Her work seemed to +catch his eye for the first time, in a desire to change the subject. +"What are you making?" + +"A ball for Redge. I made one for Zaidee, and he felt left out--he's of +a very jealous disposition," she went on abstractedly. "Are you of a +jealous disposition, Mr. Girard?" + +"I!" He stopped short, with the air of one not accustomed to taking +account of his own attributes, and apparently pondered the question as +if for the first time. When he looked up to answer, it was with abrupt +decision: "Yes, I am." + +"Don't look so like a pirate," said young Billy, giving him a thump on +the back that sent them both out of the house, laughing, when Lois rose +and went over to Justin's side. + +Husband and wife were at last alone. + + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR + + +In the days that followed, Justin, going away in the morning very early +with a set face, coming home very late in the evening with that set face +still, hardly seemed to notice the children or Dosia. Some tremulous +change had affected Dosia; her eyelashes were often mysteriously wet, +though no one saw her weep. + +"Justin has so much on his mind." Lois kept repeating the words over and +over, as if she found in them something by which to hold fast. Rich in +beauty as she was, full of love and tender favor, with the sweetness and +the pathos of an awakening soul, her husband seemed to have no eyes, no +thought for her. That one murmured sentence in the hallway was all her +food to live on--his only personal recognition of her. + +On the other hand, he poured out his affairs and his plans to her with a +freedom of confidence unknown before, a confidence which seemed to +presuppose her oneness of interest with him. He had talked exhaustively +about everything but those few days' absence; that was a sore that she +must not touch, a wound that could bear no probing. She had striven very +hard not to show when she didn't understand, taking her cues for assent +or dissent as he evidently wished her to, letting him think aloud, as it +seemed to be a relief to him, and saying little herself. The only time +when she broke in on her own account was when he had told her about +Cater, and the defective bars, and Leverich's ultimatum. Here was an +issue that she could comprehend; here her woman's instinct rang true. A +man may juggle with that fluctuating line where sharp practice and +honest shrewdness meet, so that he fails to see where one begins and +another ends; but a woman of Lois' caliber _knows_. Her "Justin, you +wouldn't do that; you wouldn't tell!" met with his quick response: "No, +I couldn't." + +"Oh, I know that, I know that! I'm glad, whatever comes, that you +couldn't do it. I'd rather be a hundred times poorer than we are! Aren't +you glad that you couldn't do it?" + +"No; I think I'm rather sorry," said Justin, with a half-smile. The +peculiar sharpness of the thought that it was between Cater and +Leverich--his friends, Heaven save the mark! that he was being pushed +toward ruin, had not lost any of its edge. + +There had been a tonic in a certain attitude of Cater's mind toward +Justin--an unspoken kindliness and admiration and tenderness such as an +older man who has been along a hard road may feel toward another who has +come along the same way. Cater's kind, unobtrusive comradeship, the +fair-dealing friendliness of his rivalry, had seemed to be one of the +factors of support, of honesty, of commercial righteousness. + +Justin was surprised to find out how much the morning greeting with +Cater, or the occasional lunch-hour together, had meant to him. Cater +and he had mutually understood a great many things. Cater had done +nothing wrong now, except to pull the foothold from under his friend's +feet. It was not men who were known to be bad who hurt you when they +were dishonest; it was the _good_ men who slid over that dividing-line, +with apparent unconsciousness that they were on that other, shaming +side. To break an unwritten bond is perhaps worse than to break one +printed and scheduled, because it presupposes a greater faith and trust. +Justin could smile proudly at Leverich, but he couldn't smile when he +thought of Cater--it weighed upon and humiliated him for the man who had +been his friend. + +"I am glad that you couldn't do it anyway!" said Lois. "It wouldn't have +been you if you had! Can't you take a rest now, dear, when _you_ look so +ill? No, no; I didn't mean that--of course you can't!" + +"A _rest!_" He rose and walked up and down the room. "Lois, do you know +that, in some way, I've got to get that money before the thirteenth? +Those days in Chicago--at the worst time! It makes me wild to think of +the time I've lost. I'm looking out for a partner who will buy out +Leverich and Martin, and we've got a chance yet--I'll swear we have! But +Lewiston's note has got to be paid first; then I can take time to +breathe. Harker saw a man from Boston from whom we might have borrowed +the money, if I had only been here. If we get that we can hold over; if +we don't we go to smash, and so does Lewiston. Lewiston _trusted_ me. +I've been to several places to-day to men that would be willing enough +to lend the money if they didn't know I needed it." + +"George Sutton?" hazarded Lois. + +Justin's lips curved bitterly. "Oh, he's a cur. He had some money +invested last year when he was sweet on Dosia, and drew it all out +afterwards! And, after all, I went to him to-day, like a fool!" + +"Can't you go to Eugene Larue?" + +"No. We talked about it once, but he fought shy; he didn't think the +security enough. If he thought so then, it would be worse than useless +now." + +"Mr. Girard?" + +"There's no use telling things to him, he hasn't any money." Justin +turned a dim eye on her. "I tell you, Lois, I haven't left a stone +unturned so far, that I could get at. If we could only sell the island! +Girard's looking it up for me; there may be a chance of that. There are +lots of chances to be thought out. I don't even know how we keep +running, but we do. Harker's a trump! If I can hold up my end, we'll be +all right." + +"Then go to bed now," said Lois, with a quick dread that gave her +courage. "And you must have something to eat first--and to drink, too. +Come, Justin! Do as I say." Her voice had a new firmness in it which he +unconsciously obeyed. She crept to her bed at last, aching in every +limb, but with her baby pressed close to her, her one darling comfort, +the source from which she drew a new love as the child drew its life +from her. It was the first time in all her married life that she had +borne the burden of her husband's care, a burden from which she must +seek no solace from him. Yet the thought of him was in itself +solace--her faith in him so strong that she simply knew he must succeed. +A king of men! If only he did not look so badly! + +She bent all her energies, these next days, to keeping him well fed, and +ordering everything minutely for his comfort when he came home, aided +and abetted by Dosia. The two women worked as with one thought between +them, as women can work, for the well-being of one they love, with fond +and minute care. Every detail, from the time he went away in the +morning, stooping slightly under the weight of something mysterious and +unseen, was ordered with reference to his homecoming at night--the +husband and father on whose strength all this helpless little family +hung for their own sustenance. The children were shown him at their +best, and whisked away the moment they got troublesome. + +Lois dressed herself in the colors he had liked. The cloth was laid +immaculately for dinner, although the maid had gone and had not been +replaced, and dainty dishes for him were concocted with delicate +care--the more care, that every penny had to be counted; when Justin +took out that lean pocket-book to give her money, Lois winced. If he +seemed to relish anything he ate, she and Dosia looked at each other +with covert triumph. + +Everything that was done for him had to be done covertly, it was found; +he disliked any manifestation of undue attention to his wants. Sometimes +he was terribly irritable and unjust, and at others almost +heartbreakingly gentle and mild. Lois had persuaded him to have the +doctor, who told him seriously that he must stay home and rest--a futile +prescription which he treated with scorn. Rest! He knew very well that +it was not rest that he needed, but money--money, money, the elixir of +life! He looked drawn and haggard and old, despite his nervous energy, +but a sufficient quantity of that magic metal would smooth out those +premature wrinkles, and round out those hollow checks, and give a +cheerful brightness to his eye, and take ten years from his age. + +Both women came to know the days when the prospects for selling the +island looked well or ill, with those telegrams of Girard's. Lois poured +out her heart about him to Dosia, her minute anxieties and fears. + +William came around several times to see Dosia--his visit almost +invariably followed by one from Mrs. Snow, to see if her William were +there. For the rest, there were few callers. + +It was near the end of this week when Justin came home, as Lois could +see at once, revived and encouraged, though still abstracted. He had an +invitation to take a ride in the doctor's motor, the doctor being a man +who, when the hazard of dangerous cases had been extreme, absented +himself for a couple of hours, in which, under a breathless and unholy +speed of motoring, he reversed the pressure on his nerves, and came to +the renewed sanity of a wind-swept brain when every idea had been rushed +out of it. + +Lois felt that it would be good for Justin, too, and was glad that he +had been persuaded to go; yet she caught him looking at her with such +strange intentness a couple of times during the dinner that it +discomposed her oddly. It made her a little silent; she pondered over it +after she had gone up, as usual, to the baby. Was there something wrong +with her appearance? She looked anxiously in the glass, and was annoyed +to find that the white fichu, open at the throat, was not on quite +straight, and her hair was a little disarranged. She was pale, and there +were dark lines under her eyes. She hated not to look nice-- Yet it +might not be that. Was it, perhaps, that something else was wrong--that +he had bad news which he did not like to tell? Was he to leave her again +on some journey? She turned white for a moment, and sat down, to get the +baby to sleep, and then resolutely tried to drive the thought from her. +Yet, as she sat there rocking gently, the thought still came back to +her, oddly, puzzlingly. Why had he looked at her like that? The smoke of +his pipe down-stairs kept her still aware of his presence. + +Presently he came up-stairs and tiptoed into the room in clumsy fashion, +for fear of waking the baby, in his quest for a handkerchief in a +chiffonier drawer. After finding it, he stopped for a moment in front of +her, with that odd, arrested expression once more. + +"You don't mind my going out to-night and leaving you?" he murmured. +"The doctor ought to have asked _you_ to go instead; you need it more +than I." + +"Oh, no, no!" she hastened to reassure. "I don't mind at all, really!" +Her eyes gazed up at him limpidly clear, and emptied of self. "I have to +run up and down stairs so many times to baby now that I couldn't go, no +matter how much I was asked to. I'm only glad that you will have the +distraction--you need it. I hope you'll have a lovely time." + +She listened to his descending footsteps, and after a moment or two +arose and laid the sleeping child down in his crib. From across the hall +she could hear Redge and Zaidee prattling to each other from their beds +with an elfish glee that began to have long waits between its outbursts. + +In the dim light she went about the room, picking up toys and little +discarded garments left by the children, folding the clothes away, her +tall, graceful figure, in the large curves of its repeated bending and +straightening, seeming to exemplify some unpainted Millet-like idea of +mother-work, emblematic of its unceasing round. She was hanging up a +tiny cloak in the half-gloom of her closet, when she heard her husband's +step once more stealing into the room, and the next moment saw him +beside her. + +"What's the matter?" she asked, with quick premonition. + +"Nothing, nothing at all; we haven't started yet." He put one arm around +her, and with the other lifted her face up toward his. "I only came back +to tell you--"His voice broke; there seemed to be a mist over the eyes +that were bent on hers. "I can't talk. I can't be as I ought to be, +Lois, until all this is over--but--I don't know what's getting into me +lately, you look so beautiful to me that I can't take my eyes off you! I +went around all to-day counting the hours, like a foolish boy, until it +was time to come back to you; I grudge every minute that I spend away +from my lovely wife."% + +Sometimes we have a happiness so much greater, so much more blessed than +our easily imagined bliss that we can only hide our eyes from it at +first, like those of old, when in some humble and unthought-of place +they were visited by angels. + + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE + + +Very late that night Bailey Girard arrived at the house, after an +absence of ten days. Dosia had gone to bed unusually early, but she +could not sleep. She could not seem to sleep at all lately--the more +tired she was the more ceaselessly luminous seemed her brain; it was +like trying to sleep in a white glare in which all sorts of trivial +things became unnaturally distinct. So many wakeful nights had she +passed that one seemed to presuppose another, darkness brought, not a +sense of rest, but that dread knowledge that she was going to lie there +staring through all the hours of it. Since that night that the pitcher +had broken, she was ever waiting tensely for the day to bring her +something that it never brought. Lawson's death--Girard--Billy, who was +getting a little troublesome lately--the dear little brothers far away, +mixed up with tiny household perplexities, kept going through and +through her mind. Her heart was wrung for those two in the house, Justin +and Lois; yet they had each other! Dreams could no longer comfort and +support Dosia; they had had their day. Prayer but wakened her further, +wandering off in desultory thought. If she could only sleep and forget! + +To-night she heard Justin's return from the automobile ride; apparently +the machine had broken down, but the accident seemed only to have added +to the zest. Lois was still dressed and waiting up for him. Then Girard +came--he had seen the light in the window. Dosia could hear the +murmuring of the voices down-stairs--Girard's sent the blood leaping to +her heart so fast that she pressed her hands against it. For a moment +his face seemed near, his lips almost touched hers--her heart stopped +before it went on again. Why had he come now? It seemed suddenly an +unbearable thing that those others down-stairs should see him and hear +him, and that she could not. Why, oh why, had she gone to bed so early +to-night of all nights? She was ready to cry with the passion of a +disappointment that seemed, not a little thing, but something crushing +and calamitous, a loss for which she never could be repaid. She could +imagine Justin and Lois meeting the kind glances of those gray eyes, +smiling when he did. He was beautiful when he smiled! She was within a +few yards of him, but convention, absurd yet maddening, held her in its +chains. She couldn't get dressed and break in upon their intimate +conference--or it seemed as if she could not. Besides, he would probably +go very soon. But he did not go! After a while she could lie there no +longer. She crept out upon the landing of the stairs, and sat there +desolately on the top step, "in her long night-gown, white as boughs of +May," with her little bare feet curled over each other, and her hands +clasping the balustrade against which her cheek was pressed, watching +and waiting for him to go. The ends of her long fair hair fell into +large loose curls where it hung over her shoulder, as she bent to +listen--and to listen--and to listen. + +"I want to be there, too--I want to be there, too!" she whispered, with +quivering lips, in her voice the sobbing catch of a very little child. +"I want to be there, too. They're having it all--without me. And I want +to be there, too. They might have called me to come down, and they +didn't." They might have called her! All her passion, all her +philosophy, all her endurance, melted into that one desire. If she had +only known at first that he was going to stay so long, she would have +dressed and gone down. She could hardly bear it a moment longer. + +After a while a door on the landing of the second story below opened, +and a little figure crept out--Zaidee. She stood irresolute in the hall, +looking down; then she looked up, and, seeing Dosia, ran to her and +climbed into her lap, resting her little pigtailed head confidingly +against Dosia's warm young shoulder. + +"They woke me up," she said placidly. "Did they woke you up, too, Cousin +Dosia?" + +"Yes," said Dosia, hugging the child close. Some spell was broken. + +Zaidee listened. "Papa and mamma talking down-stairs, oh, so-o-o-o +late!" Zaidee gave a little wriggle of delight; her eyes gleamed +winkingly. "Redge doesn't know, but I do! Who is that with papa and +mamma, Cousin Dosia? Oh, I know! it's the lovely man--that's what Redge +and me calls him. I wish I was down-stairs, don't you? Cousin Dosia, +don't you wish you were down-stairs?" + +"Yes," said Dosia again. "Hush! some one is coming; you'll get sent to +bed again." This time it was Lois. Her abstracted gaze seemed to take in +the two on the upper stairway as a matter of course. + +[Illustration: _Sat desolately on the top step_] + +"Oh, it's you, is it?" she said. "I thought I heard some one talking." +She rested on the post below, looking up. "I came to see if you'd take +Zaidee in with you for the rest of the night, Dosia. I want to give +Justin's room to Mr. Girard." + +"Is he going to stay?" asked Dosia. + +"Yes. It's too late for him to disturb the Snows, and he's been +traveling all day; he's dreadfully tired. He wanted to sleep on the sofa +down-stairs, but I wouldn't let him." She was carrying Zaidee, already +half asleep again, in her arms as she talked, depositing her in Dosia's +bed, while Dosia followed her. + +"Did he sell the island?" asked Dosia. + +Lois shook her head. "No. They may really sell it next week, but not +now-- The woman who was surely going to buy it--she's withdrawn; she's +bought a steam-yacht instead. But Mr. Girard says he has hopes of +another purchaser next week. Only that will be too late to save the +business. Of course he doesn't know that, and Justin will not tell +him--he says Mr. Girard cannot help. Oh, Dosia, when Justin came in from +that ride he looked so well, and now--" She covered her face with her +hands, before recovering herself. "It's time you were both asleep." + +"Can't I help you?" asked Dosia; but Lois only answered indifferently, +"No, it's not necessary," and went around making arrangements, while +Dosia, with Zaidee nestling close to her, slept at last. + +It was late the next morning before Girard came down. Justin had had +breakfast, and gone; Lois was up-stairs with the children, and Dosia, +who had been tidying up the place, was arranging some flowers in the +vases when he strode in. There was no vestige of that sick-hearted, +imploring maiden of the night before; no desolate frenzy was to be seen +in this trim, neat, capable little figure, clad in blue gingham, that +made her throat very white, her hair very fair. Something in Girard's +glance seemed to show an instant pleasure that she should be the one to +greet him, but he bent anxiously over the watch he held in his hand. + +"Will you tell me what time it is? My watch has stopped." + +"It's half-past nine," said Dosia. + +"Half-past _nine!_" He looked at her in a sort of quick, horrified +arraignment. "What do you mean?" His eye fell upon the clock, and +conviction seemed to steal upon him against his will. "Heavens and +earth, why wasn't I called? On this morning of all others, when every +moment's of importance! I thought I asked particularly to be waked +early." + +"I suppose they thought you were tired and needed the rest," apologized +Dosia. + +"Needed the rest!" His tone was poignant; he looked outraged, but his +anger was entirely impersonal--there was in it even a sort of boyish +appeal to her, as if she must feel it, too. + +"You had better sit down and have some breakfast." + +"Oh, _breakfast!_" His gesture deprecated her evident intention. "Please +don't. Thank you very much, but I don't want any breakfast; I only want +to get to town." + +"There isn't any train for twenty-five minutes, so you might as well sit +down and eat," said Dosia firmly. "Come out to this little table on the +piazza." She led the way to the screened corner at the end, sweet with +the honeysuckle that swung its long loops in the wind, and faced him +sternly. "Do you take coffee?" + +"Please don't, please don't cook me anything! I'd hate to trouble you." +He seemed so distressed that she relented a little. + +"A glass of milk and some fruit, then; you'll _have_ to take that." + +"Very well--if I must. Can't I get the things myself?" + +"No." She ran away to get them for him, with some new joy singing in her +heart as she went backward and forward, bringing a pitcher of milk, a +glass, a dish of strawberries, some cream, and the sugar, sitting down +herself by the table afterwards as he ate and drank. He gave her a +sudden smile, so surprised and pleased that the color surged in her +cheeks. + +"I'm not used to this," he said simply. "What is that dress you have +on--silk?" + +"No, it's cotton; do you like it?" + +"_Very_ much. Oh, please don't get up--Zaidee wasn't calling you. I +won't eat another mouthful unless you stay just where you are--please!" + +"Well!" said Dosia, with laughing pleasure. + +"Besides, I've been wanting to consult you about the Alexanders," he +went on, leaning across the table toward her, intimately. "It's so +beautiful to me to see them together that to feel that they're in +trouble distresses me beyond words. You're so near to them both I +thought that perhaps---- Do you know anything about the real state of +Mr. Alexander's affairs?" + +Dosia shook her head. "No; only that he is very much worried over them." + +"He wanted to sell the island; he sent me off on that business lately. +He'll sell it some time, of course, but I don't know how complicating +the delay is. He's the kind of man you can't ask; you have to wait until +he tells you. You can't _make_ a person have confidence in you. Won't +you please have some of these strawberries with me? Do!" + +"No; you must eat them _all_," said Dosia, with charming authority, her +arms before her on the table, elbow-sleeved, white and dimpled, as she +regarded him. He seemed to take up all the corner, against the +background of the green honeysuckle in the fresh morning light. With +that smile upon his face, he seemed extraordinarily masculine and +absorbing, yet appealing, too, inviting of confidence. + +Dosia felt carried out of herself by a sudden heady resolution--or, +rather, not a new resolution, but one that she had had in mind for a +long, long time, before, oh, before she had even known who this man was. +She had planned over and over again how she was to say those words, and +now the time had come. She could not sit here with him in this new, +sweet friendliness without saying them. She had imagined the scene in so +many different ways! When she had gone over it by herself, her cheeks +had flushed, her eyes had shone with the tears in them; the words as she +spoke them had gone deeply, convincingly, from heart to heart--or +perhaps, in an assumed, tremulous lightness, the meaning in her impulse +had shown all the clearer to one who understood. For a year and a half +the uttered thought had been the climax to which her dreams had led; it +would have seemed a monstrous, impossible thing that it had not been +reached before. + +She began now in a moment's pause, only to find, too late, that all +warmth and naturalness had left her with the effort. Fluent +dream-practice is only too apt to make one uncomfortably crude and +conscious in real life. + +"I want to thank you for being so kind to me the night of that accident +on the train coming up from the South." Poor Dosia instantly felt +committed to a mistake. Her eyes fell for a moment on his hand, as it +lay upon the table, with a terribly disconcerting remembrance that hers +had not only rested in it, but that in fancy she had more than once +pillowed her cheek upon it, and knew that he had seen the look; she +continued in desperation, with still increasing stiffness and formality: +"I have always known, of course, that it was you. You must pardon me for +not thanking you before." + +The old unapproachable manner instantly incased him as if in remembrance +of something that hurt. "Oh, pray don't mention it," he said, with a +formality that matched hers. "It was nothing but what anyone would have +done--little enough, anyway." + +What happened afterwards she did not know, except that in a few minutes +he had gone. + +She watched him go off down the path with that swift, long, easy step; +watched till the last vestige of the gray suit was out of sight--he had +a fashion of wearing gray!--before clearing off the table. Then she went +and sat on the back steps that led into the little garden, bright with +the sunshine and a blaze of tulips at her feet. Justin was fond of +flowers. + +Much has been written about the power of the mind to reproduce minute +details of a scene that has served as the setting for some great +emotion; the pattern of a table-cover or a rug, the flowers in a vase, +the titles of the books, the strain of music being played in the next +room--all stand out, separate and distinct, indelibly imprinted upon the +memory. There is another variety of the same phenomena, seldom commented +on, where an entirely unreal impression of the scene as a whole is left +on the mind by one or two details. To Dosia, sitting there by the little +plot of tulips, the sun was the brilliant sun of July, and those scarlet +tulips a garden wide and far-reaching, an endless vista of flowers, the +blue sky an endless vault above her--high noon and midsummer, with that +sweet-scented warmth at the busy heart of things, a circle of infinite +life humming in the low grasses, in the almost windless, hardly stirring +air. Warmth and color and life, at high noon, listening close to the +heart of things. + +And Dosia! She had never supposed that any girl could care for a man +until he had shown that he cared for her--it was the unmaidenly, +impossible thing. And now--how beautiful he was, how dear! A wistful +smile trembled around her lips. All that had gone before with other men +suddenly became as nothing, forgotten and out of mind, and she herself +made clean by this purifying fire. Even if she never had anything more +in her whole life, she had this--even if she never had anything more. +Yet what had she? Nothing and less than nothing. If he had ever thought +of her, if he had ever dreamed of her, if her soft, frightened hand +trustfully clinging fast to his, only to be comforted by his touch, had +been a sign and a symbol to him of some dearer trust and faith for him +alone--if in some way, as she dimly visioned it, the thought had once +been his, it had gone long ago. Every action showed it. And yet, and +yet--so unconquerably does the soul speak that, though he might deny her +attraction for him, she knew that she had it. It was something to which +he might never give way, but it was unalterably there--as it was +unalterably there with her. All that year at home, when she believed she +had not been thinking of him, she really had been thinking of him. We +learn to know each other sometimes in long absences. She began to +perceive in him now a humility and a pride strangely at variance with +each other, and both equally at variance with the bright assurance of +his outer manner. He gave to everyone; he would work early and late for +others, in his yearning sympathy and affection: yet he himself, from the +very intenseness of his desire for it, stood aloof, and drew back from +the insistence of any claim for himself. They might meet a hundred times +and grow no closer; they might grow farther and farther away. + +Dosia felt that other women must have loved him--how could they have +helped it? She had a pang of sorrow for them--for herself it made no +difference. If she had pain for all her life afterwards, she was glad at +this moment that he was worthy to be loved; she need never be ashamed of +loving him--he was "good." The word seemed to contain some beautiful +comfort and uplifting. No matter what experience he had passed through +in his struggle with the world, he had held some simple, honorable, +_clean_ quality intact. The Dosia who must always have some heart-warm +dream to live by had it now; for all her life she could love him, pray +for him. She had always thought that to love was to be happy; now she +was to love and be unhappy--yet she would not have it otherwise. + +So slight, so young, so lightly dealt with, Dosia had the pathetically +clear insight and the power that comes to those who see, not themselves +alone, their own desires and hopes, but the universe in which they +stand, and view their acts and thoughts in relation to it. She must see +Truth, "and be glad, even if it hurt." + +The sunshine fell upon her in the garden; she was bathed in it. Whether +she had nights of straining, bitter wakefulness and days of heartache +afterwards, this joy of loving was enough for her to-day--the joy of +loving him. She saw, in that lovely, brooding thought of him, what that +first meeting had taught of his character, and molded in with it her +knowledge of him now, to make the real man far more imperfect, though +far dearer. Yet, if he ever loved her as she loved him, part of that for +which she had always sought love would have to be foregone--she could +never come to him, as she had fondly dreamed of doing, and pour out to +him all those hopes and fears, those struggles and mistakes and trials +and indignities, the shame and the penitence that had been hers. She +could never talk of Lawson--her past must be forever unshriven and +uncomforted. Bailey Girard would be the last man on earth to whom she +could bare her heart in confession; these were the things that touched +him on the raw. He "hated the sound of Lawson's name." How many times +had George Sutton's face blotted out hers? If he knew _that_! She must +forever be unshriven. There would be things also, perhaps, that _she_ +could not bear to hear! The eternal hurt of love, that it never can be +truly one with the beloved, touched her with its sadness, and then +slipped away in the thought of him now--not just the man who was to help +and protect her with his love, but the man whom she longed to help also. +His pleased eyes, his lips, the way his hair fell over his forehead---- +She thought of him with the fond dream-passion of the maiden, that is +often the shyest thing on earth, ready to veil itself and turn and elude +and hide at the first chance that it may be revealed. + +"Dosia! Dosia, where are you?" + +Suddenly she saw that the sunshine had faded out, the sky had grown +gray, a chill wind had sprung up. All the trouble, all the stress of the +world, seemed to encompass her with that tone in the voice of Lois. + + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX + + +"Justin has come home ill, he was taken with a chill as soon as he got +to town; he drove back in a carriage from the station. I want you to +telephone for the doctor, and ask him to get here as soon as he can." +Lois spoke with rapid distinctness, stooping as she did so to pick up +the scattered toys on the floor and push the chairs into place, as one +who mechanically attends to the usual duties of routine, no matter what +may be happening. "And, Dosia!" she arrested the girl as she was +disappearing, "I may not be down-stairs again. Will you see about what +we need for meals? My pocket-book is in the desk. And see about the +children. They're in the nursery now, but I'll send them down; they had +better play outdoors, where he won't hear them." + +"Oh, yes, yes; I'll attend to everything," affirmed Dosia hurriedly, +while Lois disappeared up-stairs. For a man to stop work and come home +because he is not well argues at once the most serious need for the act. +It is the public crossing of the danger zone. + +With all her anxiety, Dosia was filled now with a wondering knowledge of +something unnatural about Lois, not to be explained by the fact of +Justin's illness. There was something newly impassioned in the duskiness +of her eyes, in the fullness of her red lips, in every sweeping movement +of her body, which seemed caused by the obsession of a hidden fiery +force that held her apart and afar, goddess-like, even while she spoke +of and handled the things of every-day life. She looked at the +commonplace surroundings, at the children, at Dosia; but she saw only +Justin. When she was beside him, she smiled into his gentle, stricken +eyes, telling him little fondly-foolish anecdotes of the children to +make him smile also; patting him, talking of the summer, when they would +go off together--anything to make him forget, even though the effort +left her breathless afterwards. When she went out of the room and came +back again, she found him still watching the place where she had been, +with haggard, feverish, burning eyes. He would not go to bed, but lay on +the outside of it in his dressing-gown, so that he might get ready the +more quickly to go down-town again if the doctor "fixed him up," though +now he felt weighted from head to foot with stones. + +There was a ring at the door-bell in the middle of the morning, which +might have been the doctor, but which turned out surprisingly to be Mr. +Angevin L. Cater. + +"I heard Mr. Alexander was taken ill this morning and had gone home, and +as I had to come out this way on business, I thought I'd just drop in +and see if there was anything I could do for him in town," he stated to +Dosia. + +"I'll find out," said Dosia, and came down in a moment with the word +that Justin would like to see the visitor. + +Cater himself had grown extraordinarily lean and yellow. The fact that +his clothes were new and of a fashionable cut seemed only to make him +the more grotesque. He looked oddly shrunken; the quality of his smile +of greeting appeared to have shrunk also--something had gone out of it. + +"Well, Cater, you find me down," said Justin, with glittering, cold +cheerfulness. + +"I hope not for long," said the visitor. + +"Oh, no; but, when I get up, you won't see me going past much longer; +I'll soon be out of the old place. I guess the game is up, as far as I'm +concerned. Your end is ahead." + +"Mr. Alexander," began Cater, clearing his throat and bending earnestly +toward Justin, who, with the folds of his blue dressing-gown around him, +had the unnatural surroundings of the flowered-chintz-covered bedroom +furniture, and Lois' swinging-glassed, mahogany dressing-table with its +silver appointments. The room had already the cleared-up neatness with +which one prepares for illness, with everything irrelevant put away. A +cluster of white tulips was in a thin glass vase on the mantel; the +shades were drawn to an inch, so that an unglaring yet dimly cheerful +light came through them; on the little mahogany stand by Cater there was +a glass of water and a watch, ticking face upward. Cater's elbow jostled +into the light table as he turned, and he steadied it before bracing +himself to go on. "I hope you ain't going to hold it up against me that +I had to make a different business deal from what we proposed; I've been +thinking about it a powerful lot. There wasn't any written agreement, +you know." + +"No, there was no written agreement," assented Justin; "there was +nothing to bind you." + +"That's what I said to myself. If there had been, I'd 'a' stuck to it, +of course. But a man's got to do the best he can for himself in this +world." + +"Has he?" asked the sick man, with an enigmatic questioning smile. + +"I'd be mighty sorry to have anything come between us. I reckon I took a +shine to you the first day I met up with you," continued Cater +helplessly. "I'd be mighty sorry to think we weren't friends." + +Justin's brilliant eyes surveyed him serenely. Something sadly humorous, +yet noble and imposing, seemed to emanate from his presence, weak and a +failure though he was. "I can be friends with you, but you can't be +friends with me, Cater; it isn't in you to know how," he said. +"Good-by." + +"Well, good-by," said the other, rising, his long, angular figure +knocking awkwardly against chairs and tables as he went out, leaving +Justin lying there alone, with his head throbbing horribly. Yet, +strangely enough, in spite of it, his mind felt luminously clear, in +that a certain power seemed to have come to him--a power of correlating +all the events of the past eighteen months and placing them in their +relative sequence. A certain faith--the candid, boyish, unquestioning +faith in the adequacy of his knowledge of those whom he had called his +friends--was gone; the face of Leverich came to him, brutal in its +unveiled cupidity, showing what other men felt but concealed, yet his +own faith in honor and honesty remained, stronger and higher than ever +before. Nothing, he knew, could take it from him; it was a faith that he +had won from the battle with his own soul. If other so-called material +things had to go, then they had to--he couldn't pay the price, for one! +He saw now that he had been foredoomed from the start. Men who ventured +on a capital controlled by others, hadn't any chance of free movement. + +By to-morrow night that note of Lewiston's would be protested, and +then--the burning pain of failure gripped him in its racking clutches +once more, though he strove to fight it off. He would have to get well +quickly, so as to begin to hustle for a small clerkship somewhere, to +get bread for Lois and the babies. Men of his age who were successful +were sought for, but men of his age who were not had a pretty hard row +to hoe. + +Lois was long gone--probably she was with the baby. He missed his +handkerchief, and rose and went over, with a swaying unsteadiness, to +his chiffonier drawer in the farther corner to get one. A pistol lying +there in its leather case, as it had done any time this five years, for +a reserve protection against burglars, caught his eyes. He took it out +of its case, examining the little weapon carefully, with his finger on +the trigger, half cocking it, to see if it needed oil. It was a pretty +little toy. Suddenly, as he held it there, leaning against the +chiffonier, his thin white face with its deep black shadows under the +eyes reflected by the high, narrow glass, the four walls faded away from +him, with their familiar objects; his face gleamed whiter and whiter; +the shadows grew blacker; only his eyes stared---- + +A room, noticed once a year and a half ago, came before him now with a +creeping, all-possessing distinctness--that loathsome, dreadful room +(long since renovated) which, with its unmentionable suggestion of +horror, had held him spellbound on that morning when he had begun his +career at the factory. It held him spellbound now, evilly, insidiously. +He stood by that blackened, ashy hearth in the foul room, with its damp, +mottled, rotting walls, his eyes fastened on that hideous sofa to which +he was drawn--drawn a little nearer and a little nearer; the thing in +his hand--did it move itself? Cold to his touch it moved---- + +The door opened, and Lois, with a face of awful calm, glided up to him. +She took the pistol from his relaxed hold; her lips refused to speak. + +"Why, you needn't have been afraid, dear," he said at once, looking at +her with a gentle surprise. "I'm not a coward, to go and leave you +_that_ way. You need never be afraid of that, Lois." + +"No," said Lois, with smiling, white lips. She could not have told what +made the frantic, overmastering fear, under the impulse of which she had +suddenly thrown the baby down on the bed and fled to Justin--what +strange force of thought-transference, imagined or real, had called her +there. + +She busied herself making him comfortable, divining his wants and +getting things for him, simply and noiselessly, and then knelt down +beside him where he lay, putting her arms around him. + +"You oughtn't to be doing this for me; I ought to be taking care of +_you_," he said, with a tender self-reproach that seemed to come from a +new, hitherto unknown Justin, who watched her face to see if it showed +fatigue, and counted the steps she took for him. + +The doctor came, and sent him off sternly to bed, and came again later. +The last time he looked grave, ordered complete quiet, and left +sedatives to insure it. Grip, brought on by overwork, had evidently +taken a disregarded hold some time before, and must be reckoned with +now. What Mr. Alexander imperatively needed was rest, and, above all +things, freedom from care. Freedom from care! + +Every footfall was taken to-day with reference to this. An impression of +Justin as of something noble and firm seemed to emanate from the room +where he lay and fill the house; in his complete abdication, he +dominated as never before. More than that, there seemed to be a peculiar +poignancy, a peculiar sweetness, in every little thing done for him; it +made one honorable to serve him. + +The light was still brightly that of day at a quarter of seven, when +Dosia, who had been putting Zaidee and Redge to bed, came into Lois' +room, and found her with crimson cheeks and eyes red from weeping. At +Dosia's entrance she rose at once from her chair, and Dosia saw that she +was partially dressed in her walking-skirt; she flared out passionately +as she was crossing the room, as if in answer to some implied criticism: + +"I don't care what you say--I don't care what anybody says. I can't +stand it any longer, when it's _killing_ him! He _can't_ rest unless he +has that money. Am I to just sit down and let my husband die, when he's +in such trouble as this? Is _that_ all I can do? Why, whose trouble is +it? Mine as well as his! If it's his responsibility, it's mine, +too--mine as well as his!" + +She hit her soft hand against the sharp edge of the table, and was +unconscious that it bled. "If there's nobody else to get that money for +him, _I'll_ rise up and get it. He's stood alone long enough--long +enough! He says there is no help left, but he forgets that there's his +wife!" + +"Oh, Lois," said Dosia, half weeping. "Oh, Lois, what can _you_ do? +There, you've waked the baby--he's crying." + +"Get me the waist to this skirt and my walking-jacket. No, give me the +baby first; he's hungry." + +She spoke collectedly, bending over the child as she held him to her, +and straightening the folds of the little garments. "There, there, dear +little heart, dear little heart, mother's comfort--oh, my comfort, my +blessing! Get my things out of the closet now, Dosia, and my gloves from +that drawer, the top one. Oh, and bring me baby's cloak and cap, too. I +forgot that I couldn't leave him. I must take him with me." She had sunk +her voice to a low murmur, so as not to disturb the child. + +"Where are you going?" asked Dosia. + +"To Eugene Larue." + +"Mr. Larue!" + +"Yes. He'll let me have the money--he'll understand. He wouldn't let +Justin have it, but he'll give it to me--if I'm not too proud to ask for +it; and I'm not too proud." She spoke in a tone the more thrilling for +its enforced calm. "There are things a man will do for a woman, when he +won't for a man because then he has to be businesslike; but he doesn't +have to be businesslike to a woman--he can lend to her just because she +needs it." + +"Lois!" + +"Oh, there's many a woman--like me--who always knows, even though she +never acts on the knowledge, that there is some man she could go to for +help, and get it, just because she was _herself_--a woman and in +trouble--just for that! Dosia, if I go to Eugene Larue myself in +trouble--_such_ trouble----" + +"But he's out at Collingswood!" said Dosia, bewildered. + +"Yes, I know. The train leaves here at seven-thirty, it connects at +Haledon. It only takes three quarters of an hour to get to the place; +I've looked it up in the time-table. I'll be back here again by ten +o'clock. I----" She stopped with a sudden intense motion of listening, +then put the child from her and ran across the hall to the opposite +room. + +When she came back, pale and collected, it was to say: "Justin's gone to +sleep now. The doctor says he will be under the influence of the +anodynes until morning. Mrs. Bently is in there--I sent for her; she +says she'll stay until I get back." Mrs. Bently was a woman of the +plainer class, half nurse, half friend, capable and kind. "If the +children wake up they won't be afraid with her; but you'll be here, +anyway." + +"Leave the baby with me," implored Dosia. + +"No, I can't--suppose I were detained? _Then_ I'd go crazy! He won't be +any bother, he's so little and so light." + +"Very well, then; I'll go, too," stated Dosia in desperation. "I am not +needed here. You must have some one with you if you have baby! Let me +go, Lois! You _must!_" + +"Oh, very well, if you like," responded Lois indifferently. But that the +suggestion was an unconscious relief to her she showed the next moment, +as she gave some directions to Dosia, who put a few necessaries and some +biscuits in a little hand-bag, and an extra blanket for the baby if it +grew chilly. + +The train went at seven-thirty. The house must be lighted and the gas +turned down, and the new maid impressed with the fact that they would be +back at a little after nine, though it might really be nearer ten. After +Lois was ready, she went in once more to look at Justin as he slept--his +head thrown forward a little on the pillow, his right hand clasped, and +his knees bent as one supinely running in a dream race with fate. Lois +stooped over and laid her cheek to his hair, to his hand, as one who +sought for the swift, reviving warmth of the spirit. + +Then the two women walked down the street toward the station, Lois +absorbed in her own thoughts, and Dosia distracted, confused, half +assenting and half dissenting to the expedition. + +"Are you sure Mr. Larue will be at Collingswood?" she asked anxiously. + +"Justin saw him Saturday. He said he was going out there then for the +summer." + +So far it would be all right, then. They had passed the Snows' house, +and Dosia looked eagerly for some sign of life there; she hesitated, and +then went on. As they got beyond it, at the corner turning, she looked +back, and saw Miss Bertha had come out on the piazza. + +"I'll catch up to you in a moment," she said to Lois, and ran back +quickly. + +"Miss Bertha!" + +"Why, Dosia, my dear, I didn't see you; don't speak loud!" Miss Bertha's +face, her whispering lips, her hands, were trembling with excitement. +"We've been under quite a strain, but it's all over now--I'm sure I can +tell _you_. Dear mother has gone up-stairs with a sick-headache! Mr. +Sutton has just proposed to Ada--in the sitting-room. We left them the +parlor, but they preferred the sitting-room. Mother's white shawl is in +there, and I haven't been able to get it." + +"Oh!" said Dosia blankly, trying to take in the importance of the fact. +"Is Mr. Girard in? No? Will he be in later?" + +"No, not until to-morrow night," said Miss Bertha as blankly, but Dosia +had already gone on. She did not know whether she were relieved or sorry +that Girard was not there. She did not know what she had meant to say to +him, but it had seemed as if she _must_ see him. She caught up to Lois +and the baby in a few steps, and drew back into the station as Billy +passed it. She had felt anxiously as if some one ought to know where +they were going, but not Billy--Billy, who was always now either too +melancholy or too joyous, as she rebuffed or relented. + +Lois did not ask her why she had stopped; her spirit seemed to be +wrapped in an obscurity as enshrouding as the darkness that was +gathering around them. Only, when they were at last in the train, she +threw back her veil and smiled at Dosia, with a clear, triumphant relief +in the smile, a sweetness, a lightness of expression that was almost +roguish, and that communicated a similar lightness of heart to Dosia. + +"He will lend me the money," said Lois, with a grateful, touching +confidence that seemed to shut out every conventional, every worldly +suggestion, and to breathe only of her need and the willingness of a +friend to help--not alone for the need's sake, but for hers. + +Dosia tried to picture Eugene Larue as Lois must see him; his bearded +lips, his worn forehead, his quiet, sad, piercing eyes, were not +attractive to her. The whole thing was very bewildering. + +It was twenty miles, a forty-minute ride, to Haledon, where they changed +cars for the little branch road that went past Collingswood--a signal +station, as the conductor who punched their tickets impressed on Lois. +Haledon itself was a junction for many lines, with a crowd of people on +the platform continually coming and going under the electric lights. As +Lois and Dosia waited for their train, an automobile dashed up, and a +man and a woman, getting out of it with wraps and bundles, took their +place among those who were waiting for the westbound express. The woman, +large and elegantly gowned, had something familiar in her outline as she +turned to her companion, a short, ferret-faced man with a fair +mustache--the man who lately had been seen everywhere with Mrs. +Leverich. Yes, it was Mrs. Leverich. Dosia shrank back into the shadow. +The light struck full athwart the large, full-blown face of Myra as she +turned to the man caressingly with some remark; his eyes, evilly +cognizant, smiled back again as he answered, with his cigar between his +teeth. + +Dosia felt that old sensation of burning shame--she had seen something +that should have been hidden in darkness. They were going off together. +All those whispers about Mrs. Leverich had been true. + +There were only a few people in the shaky, rattling little car when Lois +and Dosia entered it, whizzing off, a moment later, down a lonely road +with wooded hills sloping to the track on one side and a wooded brook on +the other. The air grew aromatic in the chill spring dusk with the odor +of damp fern and pine. Both women were silent, and the baby, rolled in +his long cloak, slept all the way. It was but seven miles to +Collingswood, yet the time seemed longer than all the rest of the +journey before they were finally dumped out at the little empty station +with the hills towering above it. A youth was just locking up the +ticket-office and going off as they reached it. Dosia ran after him. + +"Mr. Larue's place is near here, isn't it?" she called. + +"Yes, over there to the right," said the youth, pointing down the board +walk, which seemed to end at nowhere, "about a quarter of a mile down. +You'll know when you come to the gates. They're big iron ones." + +"Isn't there any way of riding?" + +"I guess not," said the youth, and disappeared into the woods on a +bicycle. + +"Oh, it will be only a step," said Lois, starting off in the direction +indicated, followed perforce by Dosia with the hand-bag, both walking in +silence. + +The excursion, from an easily imagined, matter-of-fact daylight +possibility, had been growing gradually a thing of the dark, unknown, +fantastic. A faint remnant of the fading light remained in the west, +vanishing as they looked at it. Above the treetops a pale moon hung +high; there seemed nothing to connect them with civilization but that +iron track curved out of sight. + +The quarter of a mile prolonged itself indefinitely, with that strangely +eternal effect of the unknown; yet the big iron gates were reached at +last, showing a long winding drive within. It was here that Eugene Larue +had built a house for his bride, living in it these summers when she was +away, alone among his kind, a man who must confess tacitly before the +world that he was unable to make his wife care for him--a darkened, +desolate, lonely life, as dark and as desolate as this house seemed now. +An undefined dread possessed Dosia, though Lois spoke confidently: + +"The walk has not really been very long. We'll probably drive back. It's +odd that there are no lights, but perhaps he is sitting outside. Ah, +there's a light!" + +Yet, as she spoke, the light left the window and hung on the cornice +above--it was the moon and not a lamp that had made it. They ascended +the piazza steps; there was no one there. + +"There is a knocker at the front door," said Lois. She pounded, and the +noise vibrated terrifyingly through the stillness. At the same instant a +scraping on the gravel walk behind them made them turn. It was the boy +on the bicycle, who, having sped back to them, was wheeling around at +the moment that he might lose no impetus in retracing his way, while he +leaned over to call: + +"Mr. Larue ain't there. The woman who closed up the house told me he had +a cable from his wife, and he sailed for Europe this afternoon. She +says, do you want the key?" + +"No," said Lois, and the messenger once more disappeared. + +"I wish he had waited until we could have asked him some questions," +said Dosia, vexed. "Don't let's stay here; it's too dark and too +dreadfully lonely under these trees. We had better get back to the +station and wait for the train." + +"I suppose so," said Lois drearily. This, then, was the end of her +exaltation--for this she had passionately nerved herself! There was to +be neither the warmth of instant comprehension of her errand, nor the +frank giving of aid when necessity had been pleaded; there was nothing. +She shifted the baby over to the other shoulder, and they retraced their +way, which now seemed familiar and short. There was, at any rate, a +light on a tall pole in front of the little station, although the +station itself was deserted; they seated themselves on the bench under +it to wait. The train was not scheduled for nearly an hour yet. The +watch that Lois carried showed that it was a quarter to nine. + +"Oh, if I could only fly back!" she groaned. "I don't see how I can +wait--I don't see how I can wait! Oh, why did I come?" + +"Perhaps there is a train before the one you spoke of," said Dosia, with +the terribly self-accusing feeling now that she ought to have prevented +the expedition at the beginning. She got up to go into the little box of +a house, in search of a time-table. As she passed the tall post that +held the light, she saw tacked on it a paper, and read aloud the words +written on it below the date: + + NOTICE + + NO TRAINS WILL RUN ON THIS ROAD TO-NIGHT + AFTER 8.30 P.M., ON ACCOUNT OF REPAIRS + +Dosia and Lois looked at each other with the blankness of despair--the +frantic, forlornly heroic impulse, uncalculating of circumstances, began +to show itself in all its piteous woman-folly. + + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN + + +Only fifty miles from a great city, the little station seemed like the +typical lodge in a wilderness; as far as one could see up or down the +track, on either side were wooded hills. A vast silence seemed to be +gathering from unseen fastnesses, to halt in this spot. + +There were no houses and no light to be seen anywhere, except that one +swinging on the pole above, and the moon which was just rising. It was, +in fact, one of those places which consist of the far, back-lying acres +of the great country-owners, and which seem to the casual traveler +forgotten or unknown in their extent and apparently primitive condition. +The other railroad, six or seven miles away, went past the country towns +and the facaded mansions and the conventional horticultural grounds of +the possessors of these uncultivated tracts of woodland. + +To the women sitting on the bench, wrapped around by the loneliness and +the intense stillness of the oncoming night, the whole expedition +appeared at last unveiled in all its grim betrayal. While Lois had been +exaltedly imaginative, had resolved so desperately, had acted so +daringly, there had never been, from the inception of the scheme, any +chance that it could succeed. For the first time since Lois had left +home, a wild seething anxiety for Justin possessed her. How could she +have left him? She must go back to him at once! + +"Oh, Dosia, we must get home again; we must get home!" she cried, +starting up so vehemently that the baby in her arms screamed, startled, +and Lois walked up and down distractedly hushing him, and then, as he +still wailed, sat down once more and bared her white bosom to quiet him, +talking the while in a low tone: "We will have to get back; Dosia, we +must start at once." + +"We will have to walk to Haledon," said Dosia. + +"Yes, yes. Perhaps we may come to some farmhouse where they will let us +have a wagon, or one may pass us on the way and give us a lift. It is +seven miles to Haledon--that isn't very far! I often walked five miles +with Justin before I was married, and a mile or two more is nothing. +There are plenty of trains from Haledon." + +"Oh, we can do it easily enough," said Dosia, though her heart was as +lead within her breast. "You had better eat some of these biscuits +before we start," she advised, taking them out of the bag; and Lois +munched them obediently, and drank some tepid water from a pitcher which +Dosia had found inside. As she put it back again in its place, she +slipped to the side of the platform and looked down the moon-filled +narrow valley. + +Through all this journey Dosia had carried double thoughts; her voice +called where none might hear. It spoke to far distances now as she +whispered, with hands outspread: + +"Oh, _why_ weren't you in when I went for you? Why didn't you come and +take care of us, when I needed you so much? Why did you let us go off +this way? You might have known! Why _don't_ you come and take care of +us? There's no one to take care of us but you! _You_ could!" A dry sob +stopped the words--the deep, inherent cry of womankind to man for help, +for succor. She stooped over and picked up an oak-leaf that had lain on +the ground since the winter, and pressed it to her bosom, and sent it +fluttering off on a gust of wind down the incline, as if it could indeed +take her message with it, before she went back to Lois. + +After some hesitation as to the path,--one led across the rails from +where they were sitting,--they finally took that behind the station, +which broadened out into a road that lay along the wooded slope above, +from which they could look down at intervals and see the track below. +One side of that road was bordered by a high wire fencing inclosing +pieces of woodland, sometimes so thick as to be impenetrable, while +along other stretches there would be glimpsed through the trees some +farther open field. To the right toward the railway, there were only +woods and no fencing. + +The two walked off briskly at first, but the road was of a heavy, loose, +shelving soil in which the foot sank at each step; the grass at the edge +was wet with dew and intersected by the ridged, branching roots of +trees; the pace grew, perforce, slower and slower still. They took turns +in carrying the baby, whose small bundled form began to seem as if +weighted with lead. + +Far over on what must have been the other side of the track, they +occasionally saw the light of a house; at one place there seemed to be a +little hamlet, from the number of lights. They were clearly on the wrong +bank; they should have crossed over at the station. The only house they +came to was the skeleton of one, the walls blackened and charred with +fire. There was only that endless line of wire fencing along which they +pushed forward painfully, with dragging step; instead of passing any +given point, the road seemed to keep on with them, as if they could +never get farther on. Wire fencing, and moonlight, and silence, and +trees. Trees! They became nightmarishly oppressive in those dark, solemn +ranks and groups--those silent thicknesses; the air grew chill beneath +them; terror lurked in the shadows. Oh, to get out from under the trees, +away into the open, with only the clear sky overhead! If that road to +the house of Eugene Larue had seemed a part of infinity in the dimness +of the unknown, what was this? + +They sat down now every little while to rest, Dosia's voice coaxing and +cheering, and then got up to shake the earth out of their shoes and +struggle on once more--bending, shivering, leaning against each other +for support; two silent and puny figures, outside of any connection with +other lives, toiling, as it seemed, against the universe, as women do +toil, apparently futile of result. + +Once the loud blare of a horn sent them over to the side of the road, +clinging to the wire fencing, as an automobile shot by--a cheerful +monster that spoke of life in towns, leaving a new and sharp desolation +behind it. Why hadn't they seen it before? Why hadn't they tried to hail +it when they _did_ see? To have had such a chance and lost it! It seemed +to have come and gone too swiftly for coherent thought. Once they were +frightened almost uncontrollably by a group of men approaching with +strange sounds--a group of Italian laborers, cheerful and unintelligible +when Dosia intrepidly questioned them. They passed on, still jabbering, +two bedraggled women and a baby were no novelty to them. Then there were +more long, high fencing, and moonlight, and silence, and shadows, and +trees--and trees-- + +"Do you suppose we'll _ever_ get out of here?" asked Lois at last, +dully. + +"Why, of course; we can't help getting out, if we keep on," said Dosia, +in a comfortingly matter-of-fact tone. + +It was she who was helper and guide now. + +"Oh, if I had never left Justin! Why, why did I leave him? How far do +you think we have walked, Dosia?" + +"It seems so endless, I can't tell; but we must be nearly at Haledon," +said Dosia. "Let's sit down and rest awhile here. Oh, Lois, Lois +_dear_!" She had taken off her jacket and spread it on the damp grass +for them both to sit on, huddled close together, and now pressed the +older woman's head down on her shoulder, holding both mother and child +in her young arms. "Oh, Lois, Lois!" + +Lois lay there without stirring. Far off in the stillness, there came +the murmur of the brook they had passed in the train--so long since, it +seemed! The moon hung higher above now, pouring a flood of light down +through the arching branches of the trees upon her beautiful face with +its closed eyes, and the tiny features of the sleeping child. Something +in the utter relaxation of the attitude and manner began to alarm the +girl. + +"Lois, we must go on," she said, with an anxious note in her voice. +"Lois! You _mustn't_ give up. We can't stay here!" + +"Yes, I know," said Lois. She struggled to her feet, and began to walk +ahead slowly. Dosia, behind her, flung out her arms to the +shadow-embroidered road over which they had just passed. + +"Oh, why _don't_ you come!" she whispered again intensely, with +passionate reproach; and then, swiftly catching up to Lois, took the +child from her, and again they stumbled on together, haltingly, to the +accompaniment of that far-off brook. + +The wire fencing ceased, but the road became narrower, the walls of +trees darker, closer together, though the soil under foot grew firmer. +They had to stop every few minutes to rest. Lois saw ever before her the +one objective point--a dimly lighted room, with Justin stretched out +upon the bed, dying, while she could not get there. Hope was crushed +out. Death and ruin--that was the end. + +The end! There are paths one walks along in life that seem only to end +in the barrier of a stone wall, with "No thoroughfare" written on it; +there is no way beyond. Yet, when one gets close to that insurmountable, +impenetrable barrier, how often there is seen to be some hitherto +unnoticed aperture, some little postern-gate by which one can pass on +into the highroad! + +"Hark!" said Dosia suddenly, standing still. The sound of a voice +trolling drunkenly made itself heard, came nearer, while the women stood +terrified. The thing they had both unspeakably dreaded had happened; the +moonlight brought into view the unmistakable figure of a tramp, with a +bundle swung upon his shoulder. No terror of the future could compare +with this one, that neared them with the seconds, swaying unsteadily +from side to side of the road, as the tipsy voice alternately muttered +and roared the reiterated words: + + "For I have come from Pad-dy land, + The land--I do adore!" + +They had fled, crouching into the bushes at the edge of the path, and he +passed with his eyes on the ground, or he must have seen--a blotched, +dark-visaged, leering creature, living in an insane world of his own. +They waited until he was far out of sight before creeping, all of a +tremble, from their shelter, only to hear another footfall unexpectedly +near--the pad, pad, pad of a runner, a tall figure as one saw it through +the lights and shadows under the trees, capless and coatless, with +sleeves rolled up, arms bent at the elbows, and head held forward. +Suddenly the pace slackened, stopped. + +"Great _heavens_!" said the voice of Bailey Girard. + +"Oh, it's you, it's you!" cried Dosia, running to him with an ineffable, +revealing gesture, a lovely motion of her upflinging arms, a passion of +joy in the face upraised to his, that called forth an instantly +flashing, all-embracing light in his. + +In that moment there was an acknowledgment in each of an intimacy that +went back of all words, back of all action. The arms that upheld her +gripped her close to him as one who defends his own as he said tensely: + +"That beast ahead, did he touch you?" + +"Oh, no; he didn't see us. We hid!" She tried to explain in hurrying, +disconnected sentences. "I've been longing and _praying_ for you to +come! I tried to let you know before we started, and you weren't there. +Lois was half crazy about Justin. Come to her now! She wanted to see Mr. +Larue, and he was gone. We've walked from Collingswood; we have the baby +with us." + +"The _baby_!" + +"Yes; she couldn't leave him behind. Oh, it's been so terrible! If you +had only known!" + +"Oh, why didn't I?" he groaned. "I ought to have known--I _ought_ to +have known! I was in that motor that must have passed you; it was just a +chance that I got out to walk." They had reached the place where Lois +sat, and he bent over her tenderly. She smiled into his anxious eyes, +though her poor face was sunken and wan. + +"I'm glad it's you," she whispered. "You'll help me to get home!" + +"Dear Mrs. Alexander! I want to help you to more than that. I want you +to tell me everything." He pressed her hand, and stood looking +irresolutely down the road. + +"I could go to Haledon, and send back a carriage for you; it's three +miles further on." + +"No, no, no! Don't leave us!" the accents came in terror from both. "We +can walk with you. Only don't leave us!" + +"Very well; we'll try it, then." + +He took the warm bundle that was the sleeping child from Lois, saying, +as she half demurred, "It's all right; I've carried 'em in the +Spanish-American War in Cuba," holding it in one arm, while with the +other he supported Lois. The dragging march began again, Dosia, +stumbling sometimes, trying to keep alongside of him, so that when he +turned his head anxiously to look for her she would be there, to meet +his eyes with hers, bravely scorning fatigue. + +The trees had disappeared now from the side of the road; long, swelling, +wild fields lay on the slopes of the hillside, broken only by solitary +clumps of bushes--fields deserted of life, broad resting-places for the +moonlight, which illumined the farthest edge of the scene, although the +moon itself was hidden by the crest of a hill. And as they went on, +slowly perforce, he questioned Lois gently; and she, with simple words, +gradually laid the facts bare. + +"Oh, why didn't Alexander tell me all this?" he asked pitifully, and she +answered: + +"He said it was no use; he said you had no money." + +"No; but I can sometimes get it for other people! I could have gone to +Rondell Brothers and got it." + +"Rondell Brothers? I thought they were difficult to approach." + +"That depends. I was with Rondell's boy in Cuba when he had the fever, +and he's always said--but that's neither here nor there. Apart from +that, they've had their eye on your husband lately. You can't hide the +quality of a man like him, Mrs. Alexander; it shows in a hundred ways +that he doesn't think of. They have had dealings with him, though he +doesn't know it--it's been through agents. Mr. Warren, one of their best +men, has, it seems, taken a fancy to him. I shouldn't wonder if they'd +take over the typometer as it stands, and work Alexander in with it. If +Rondell Brothers really take up anyone----!" Girard did not need to +finish. + +Even Lois and Dosia had heard of Rondell Brothers, the great firm that +was known from one end of the country to the other--a commercial house +whose standing was as firm, as unquestioned, as the Bank of England, and +almost as conservative. Apart from this, its reputation was unique. The +house was more than a commercial establishment: it was an institution, +in which for three generations the firm known as Rondell Brothers had +carried on, in the conduct of their business--and carried to high +advantage--the principles of personal honor and honesty and fair +dealing. + +No boy or man of good character, intelligence, and industry was ever +connected with Rondell's without its making for his advancement; to get +a position there was to be assured of his future. Their young men stayed +with them, and rose steadily higher as they stayed, or went out from +them strong to labor, backed with a solid backing. The number of young +firms whom Rondell Brothers had started and made, and whose profit also +afterwards profited them, were more than had ever been counted. They +were never deceived, for they had an unerring faculty for knowing their +own kind. No firm was keener. Straight on the nail themselves, they +exacted the same quality in others. What they traded in needed no other +guaranty than the name of Rondell. + +If Rondell Brothers took Justin's affairs in hand! Lois felt a hope that +sent life through her veins. + +"Oh, let us hurry home!" she pleaded, and tried to quicken her pace, +though it was Girard who supported her, else she must have fallen, while +Dosia slipped a little behind, still trying to keep her place by his +side, so that she might meet his look when he turned to her. + +"You're so tired," he whispered, with a break in his voice, "and I can't +help you!" and she tried to beat back that dear pity and longing with +her comforting "No, no, no! I'm not really tired"; her voice thrilled +with life, though her feet stumbled. + +In that walk beside him, toiling slowly on and on in the bright, far +solitude of those empty fields, where even their hands might not touch, +they two were so heart-close--so heavenly, so fulfillingly near! + +Once he whispered in a yearning distress, "Why are you crying?" And she +answered through those welling tears: + +"I'm only crying because I'm so glad you're here!" + +After a while there was a sound of wheels--wheels! Only a sulky, it +proved to be--a mere half-wagon set low down in the springs, and a +trotting horse in front, driven by a round-faced boy in a derby hat, the +turnout casting long, thin shadows ahead before Girard stopped it. + +"You'll have to take another passenger," he said, after explaining +matters to the half-unwilling boy, who crowded himself at last to the +farthest edge of the seat, so that Lois might take possession of the six +inches allotted to her. + +She held out her arms hastily. "My boy!" she said, but it was a voice +that had hope in it once more. + +"Oh, yes, I forgot; here's the baby," said Girard, looking curiously at +the bundle before handing it to her. "We'll meet you at the Haledon +station very soon now; my friends will have left my hat and coat there +for me." + +In another moment the little vehicle was out of sight, jogging around a +bend of the road. + +So still was the night! Only that long, curving runnel of the brook +again accompanied the silence. Not a leaf moved on the bushes of those +far-swelling fields or on the hill that hid their summit; the air was +like the moonlight, so fragrantly cool with the odors of the damp fern +and birch. The straight, supple figure of Girard still stood in the +roadway, bareheaded, with that powerful effect which he had, even here, +of absorbing all the life of the scene. + +Dosia experienced the inexplicable feeling of the girl alone, for the +first time, with the man who loves her and whom she loves. At that +moment she loved him so much that she would have fled anywhere in the +world from him. + +The next moment he said in a matter-of-fact tone: + +"Sit down on that stone, and let me shake out your shoes before we go +on; they're full of earth." + +She obeyed with an open-eyed gaze that dwelt on him while he knelt down +and loosened the bows, and took off the little clumpy low shoes, shaking +them out carefully, and then put them on once more, retying the bows +neatly with long, slowly accomplishing fingers. + +"They'll get full of earth again," she protested, her voice half lost in +the silence. + +"Then I'll take them off and shake them out over again." + +He stood up, brushing the sand from his palms, smiling down at her as +she stood up also. "I've always dreamed of doing that," he said simply. +"I've dreamed of taking you in my arms and carrying you off through the +night--as I couldn't that first time! I've longed so to do it. There +have been times when I couldn't _stand_ it to see you, because you +weren't mine." Then--her hands were in his, his dear, protecting hands, +the hands she loved, with their thrilling, long-familiar touch, claiming +as well as giving. + +"Oh--_Dosia!_" he said below his breath. + +As their eyes dwelt on each other in that long look, all that had hurt +love rose up between them, and passed away, forgiven. She foresaw a time +when all her life before he came into it would have dropped out of +remembrance as a tale that is told. And now---- + +It seemed that he was going to be a very splendid lover! + + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT + + +The summer was nearly at an end--a summer that had brought +rehabilitation to the Typometer Company, yet rehabilitation of a certain +kind, under strict rule, strict economy, endless work. Nominally the +same thing, the typometer was now but one factor of trade among a dozen +other patented inventions under the control of Rondell Brothers. + +If there was not quite the same personal flavor as yet in Justin's +relation to the business which had seemed so inspiringly his own, there +was a larger relation to greater interests, a wider field, a greater +sense of security, and a sense of justice in the change; he felt that he +had much to learn. There was something in him that could not profit +where other men profited--that could not take advantage when that +advantage meant loss to another. He was not great enough alone to +reconcile the narrowing factors of trade with that warring law within +him. The stumbling of Cater would have been another stumbling-block if +it had not been that one; that for which Leverich, with Martin always +behind him, had chosen Justin first had been the very thing that had +fought against them. + +[Illustration: _He held out his arm unconsciously as Lois stole into +the room_] + +The summer was far spent. Justin had been working hard. It was long +after midnight. Lois slept, but Justin could not; he rose and went into +the adjoining room, and sat down by the open window. The night had been +very close, but now a faint breath stirred from somewhere out of the +darkness. It was just before the dawn--Justin looked out into a gloom in +which the darkness of trees wavered uncertainly and brought with it a +vague remembrance. He had done all this before. When? Suddenly he +recollected the night he had sat at this same window, at the beginning +of this terrible journey, and his thoughts and feelings then; his deep +loneliness of soul, the prevision of the pain even of fulfillment--an +endless, endless arid waste, with the welling forth of that black spirit +of evil in his own nature as the only vital thing to bear him secret +company--a moment that was wolfish to his better nature. Almost with the +remembrance came the same mood, but only as reflected in the surface of +his saner nature, not arising from it. + +As he gazed, wrapped in self-communing, on the vague formlessness of the +night, it began gradually to dissolve mysteriously, and the outlines of +the trees and the surrounding objects melted into view; a bird sang from +somewhere near by, a heavenly, clear, full-throated call that brought a +shaft of light from across the world, broadening, as the eye leaped to +it, into a great and spreading glory of flame. + +It had rained just before; the drops still hung on bush and tree, and as +the dazzling radiance of the sun touched them every drop also radiated +light, prismatic and scintillating--an almost audibly tinkling joy. So +indescribably wonderful and beautiful, yet so tender, seemed this +scene--as of a mighty light informing the least atom of our tearful +human existence--that the profoundest depths of Justin's nature opened +to the illumination. + +In that moment, with calm eyes, and lips firmly pressed together, his +thoughts reached upward; far, far upward. For the first time, he felt in +accordance with something divine and beyond--an accordance that seemed +to solve the meaning of life; what had gone and what was to come. All +the hopes, the planning, the seeking and slaving, whatever they +accomplished or did not accomplish, they fashioned us, ourselves. As it +had been, so it still would be. But for what had gone before, he had not +had this hour. + +It was the journey itself that counted--the dear joys by the way, that +come even through suffering and through pain--the joy of the red dawn, +of the summer breeze, of the winter sun; the joy of children, the joy of +companionship. + +He held out his arm unconsciously as Lois stole into the room. + + THE END + + + + + By Mary Stewart Cutting + +THE SUBURBAN WHIRL + + The first story in the book may be properly termed a "long" story of + married life. It is a wholesome, delicately humorous and pathetic + account of the struggles of a young couple to establish themselves + in the suburbs. With this, three equally charming shorter stories of + "the happiest time" make up the volume. + + "The charm of these stories is that they are about real people in a + real world." _San Francisco Call_. + + _Illustrations by Alice Barber Stephens. $1.25_ + +LITTLE STORIES OF MARRIED LIFE + + "Mrs. Cutting has written a book so typically American that it + should appeal to every American reader who respects the institution + of marriage, and who is honest enough to admit that love is the only + solution of the problem." _New York Globe_. + + _Seventh Edition. Cloth, $1.35_ + +MORE STORIES OF MARRIED LIFE + + "As they celebrate true love, not the yearning kind, but the brand + that cherishes and forgets and forgives and strengthens, they should + go with the wedding presents of every June bride." _Cleveland + Leader_. + + _Frontispiece. $1.25_ + +LITTLE STORIES OF COURTSHIP + + "Readers who enjoyed the 'Little Stories of Married Life' by this + author will not be disappointed in this new collection...." _New + York Evening Post_. + + _Third Edition. 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