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diff --git a/old/prntc10.txt b/old/prntc10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6a9bf78 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/prntc10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1140 @@ +Project Gutenberg Etext of The Parenticide Club, by Ambrose Bierce +#6 in our series by Ambrose Bierce + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the laws for your country before redistributing these files!!! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. + +Please do not remove this. + +This should be the first thing seen when anyone opens the book. +Do not change or edit it without written permission. 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In +charging the jury, the judge of the Court of Acquittal remarked that +it was one of the most ghastly crimes that he had ever been called +upon to explain away. + +At this, my attorney rose and said: + +"May it please your Honor, crimes are ghastly or agreeable only by +comparison. If you were familiar with the details of my client's +previous murder of his uncle you would discern in his later offense +(if offense it may be called) something in the nature of tender +forbearance and filial consideration for the feelings of the victim. +The appalling ferocity of the former assassination was indeed +inconsistent with any hypothesis but that of guilt; and had it not +been for the fact that the honorable judge before whom he was tried +was the president of a life insurance company that took risks on +hanging, and in which my client held a policy, it is hard to see how +he could decently have been acquitted. If your Honor would like to +hear about it for instruction and guidance of your Honor's mind, this +unfortunate man, my client, will consent to give himself the pain of +relating it under oath." + +The district attorney said: "Your Honor, I object. Such a statement +would be in the nature of evidence, and the testimony in this case is +closed. The prisoner's statement should have been introduced three +years ago, in the spring of 1881." + +"In a statutory sense," said the judge, "you are right, and in the +Court of Objections and Technicalities you would get a ruling in your +favor. But not in a Court of Acquittal. The objection is overruled." + +"I except," said the district attorney. + +"You cannot do that," the judge said. "I must remind you that in +order to take an exception you must first get this case transferred +for a time to the Court of Exceptions on a formal motion duly +supported by affidavits. A motion to that effect by your predecessor +in office was denied by me during the first year of this trial. Mr. +Clerk, swear the prisoner." + +The customary oath having been administered, I made the following +statement, which impressed the judge with so strong a sense of the +comparative triviality of the offense for which I was on trial that he +made no further search for mitigating circumstances, but simply +instructed the jury to acquit, and I left the court, without a stain +upon my reputation: + +"I was born in 1856 in Kalamakee, Mich., of honest and reputable +parents, one of whom Heaven has mercifully spared to comfort me in my +later years. In 1867 the family came to California and settled near +Nigger Head, where my father opened a road agency and prospered beyond +the dreams of avarice. He was a reticent, saturnine man then, though +his increasing years have now somewhat relaxed the austerity of his +disposition, and I believe that nothing but his memory of the sad +event for which I am now on trial prevents him from manifesting a +genuine hilarity. + +"Four years after we had set up the road agency an itinerant preacher +came along, and having no other way to pay for the night's lodging +that we gave him, favored us with an exhortation of such power that, +praise God, we were all converted to religion. My father at once sent +for his brother, the Hon. William Ridley of Stockton, and on his +arrival turned over the agency to him, charging him nothing for the +franchise nor plant--the latter consisting of a Winchester rifle, a +sawed-off shotgun, and an assortment of masks made out of flour sacks. +The family then moved to Ghost Rock and opened a dance house. It was +called 'The Saints' Rest Hurdy-Gurdy,' and the proceedings each night +began with prayer. It was there that my now sainted mother, by her +grace in the dance, acquired the _sobriquet_ of 'The Bucking Walrus.' + +"In the fall of '75 I had occasion to visit Coyote, on the road to +Mahala, and took the stage at Ghost Rock. There were four other +passengers. About three miles beyond Nigger Head, persons whom I +identified as my Uncle William and his two sons held up the stage. +Finding nothing in the express box, they went through the passengers. +I acted a most honorable part in the affair, placing myself in line +with the others, holding up my hands and permitting myself to be +deprived of forty dollars and a gold watch. From my behavior no one +could have suspected that I knew the gentlemen who gave the +entertainment. A few days later, when I went to Nigger Head and asked +for the return of my money and watch my uncle and cousins swore they +knew nothing of the matter, and they affected a belief that my father +and I had done the job ourselves in dishonest violation of commercial +good faith. Uncle William even threatened to retaliate by starting an +opposition dance house at Ghost Rock. As 'The Saints' Rest' had +become rather unpopular, I saw that this would assuredly ruin it and +prove a paying enterprise, so I told my uncle that I was willing to +overlook the past if he would take me into the scheme and keep the +partnership a secret from my father. This fair offer he rejected, and +I then perceived that it would be better and more satisfactory if he +were dead. + +"My plans to that end were soon perfected, and communicating them to +my dear parents I had the gratification of receiving their approval. +My father said he was proud of me, and my mother promised that +although her religion forbade her to assist in taking human life I +should have the advantage of her prayers for my success. As a +preliminary measure looking to my security in case of detection I made +an application for membership in that powerful order, the Knights of +Murder, and in due course was received as a member of the Ghost Rock +commandery. On the day that my probation ended I was for the first +time permitted to inspect the records of the order and learn who +belonged to it--all the rites of initiation having been conducted in +masks. Fancy my delight when, in looking over the roll of membership, +I found the third name to be that of my uncle, who indeed was junior +vice-chancellor of the order! Here was an opportunity exceeding my +wildest dreams--to murder I could add insubordination and treachery. +It was what my good mother would have called 'a special Providence.' + +"At about this time something occurred which caused my cup of joy, +already full, to overflow on all sides, a circular cataract of bliss. +Three men, strangers in that locality, were arrested for the stage +robbery in which I had lost my money and watch. They were brought to +trial and, despite my efforts to clear them and fasten the guilt upon +three of the most respectable and worthy citizens of Ghost Rock, +convicted on the clearest proof. The murder would now be as wanton +and reasonless as I could wish. + +"One morning I shouldered my Winchester rifle, and going over to my +uncle's house, near Nigger Head, asked my Aunt Mary, his wife, if he +were at home, adding that I had come to kill him. My aunt replied +with her peculiar smile that so many gentlemen called on that errand +and were afterward carried away without having performed it that I +must excuse her for doubting my good faith in the matter. She said I +did not look as if I would kill anybody, so, as a proof of good faith +I leveled my rifle and wounded a Chinaman who happened to be passing +the house. She said she knew whole families that could do a thing of +that kind, but Bill Ridley was a horse of another color. She said, +however, that I would find him over on the other side of the creek in +the sheep lot; and she added that she hoped the best man would win. + +"My Aunt Mary was one of the most fair-minded women that I have ever +met. + +"I found my uncle down on his knees engaged in skinning a sheep. +Seeing that he had neither gun nor pistol handy I had not the heart to +shoot him, so I approached him, greeted him pleasantly and struck him +a powerful blow on the head with the butt of my rifle. I have a very +good delivery and Uncle William lay down on his side, then rolled over +on his back, spread out his fingers and shivered. Before he could +recover the use of his limbs I seized the knife that he had been using +and cut his hamstrings. You know, doubtless, that when you sever the +_tendo Achillis_ the patient has no further use of his leg; it is just +the same as if he had no leg. Well, I parted them both, and when he +revived he was at my service. As soon as he comprehended the +situation, he said: + +"'Samuel, you have got the drop on me and can afford to be generous. +I have only one thing to ask of you, and that is that you carry me to +the house and finish me in the bosom of my family.' + +"I told him I thought that a pretty reasonable request and I would do +so if he would let me put him into a wheat sack; he would be easier to +carry that way and if we were seen by the neighbors _en route_ it +would cause less remark. He agreed to that, and going to the barn I +got a sack. This, however, did not fit him; it was too short and much +wider than he; so I bent his legs, forced his knees up against his +breast and got him into it that way, tying the sack above his head. +He was a heavy man and I had all that I could do to get him on my +back, but I staggered along for some distance until I came to a swing +that some of the children had suspended to the branch of an oak. Here +I laid him down and sat upon him to rest, and the sight of the rope +gave me a happy inspiration. In twenty minutes my uncle, still in the +sack, swung free to the sport of the wind. + +"I had taken down the rope, tied one end tightly about the mouth of +the bag, thrown the other across the limb and hauled him up about five +feet from the ground. Fastening the other end of the rope also about +the mouth of the sack, I had the satisfaction to see my uncle +converted into a large, fine pendulum. I must add that he was not +himself entirely aware of the nature of the change that he had +undergone in his relation to the exterior world, though in justice to +a good man's memory I ought to say that I do not think he would in any +case have wasted much of my time in vain remonstrance. + +"Uncle William had a ram that was famous in all that region as a +fighter. It was in a state of chronic constitutional indignation. +Some deep disappointment in early life had soured its disposition and +it had declared war upon the whole world. To say that it would butt +anything accessible is but faintly to express the nature and scope of +its military activity: the universe was its antagonist; its methods +that of a projectile. It fought like the angels and devils, in +mid-air, cleaving the atmosphere like a bird, describing a parabolic +curve and descending upon its victim at just the exact angle of +incidence to make the most of its velocity and weight. Its momentum, +calculated in foot-tons, was something incredible. It had been seen +to destroy a four year old bull by a single impact upon that animal's +gnarly forehead. No stone wall had ever been known to resist its +downward swoop; there were no trees tough enough to stay it; it would +splinter them into matchwood and defile their leafy honors in the +dust. This irascible and implacable brute--this incarnate +thunderbolt--this monster of the upper deep, I had seen reposing in +the shade of an adjacent tree, dreaming dreams of conquest and glory. +It was with a view to summoning it forth to the field of honor that I +suspended its master in the manner described. + +"Having completed my preparations, I imparted to the avuncular +pendulum a gentle oscillation, and retiring to cover behind a +contiguous rock, lifted up my voice in a long rasping cry whose +diminishing final note was drowned in a noise like that of a swearing +cat, which emanated from the sack. Instantly that formidable sheep +was upon its feet and had taken in the military situation at a glance. +In a few moments it had approached, stamping, to within fifty yards +of the swinging foeman, who, now retreating and anon advancing, seemed +to invite the fray. Suddenly I saw the beast's head drop earthward as +if depressed by the weight of its enormous horns; then a dim, white, +wavy streak of sheep prolonged itself from that spot in a generally +horizontal direction to within about four yards of a point immediately +beneath the enemy. There it struck sharply upward, and before it had +faded from my gaze at the place whence it had set out I heard a horrid +thump and a piercing scream, and my poor uncle shot forward, with a +slack rope higher than the limb to which he was attached. Here the +rope tautened with a jerk, arresting his flight, and back he swung in +a breathless curve to the other end of his arc. The ram had fallen, a +heap of indistinguishable legs, wool and horns, but pulling itself +together and dodging as its antagonist swept downward it retired at +random, alternately shaking its head and stamping its fore-feet. When +it had backed about the same distance as that from which it had +delivered the assault it paused again, bowed its head as if in prayer +for victory and again shot forward, dimly visible as before--a +prolonging white streak with monstrous undulations, ending with a +sharp ascension. Its course this time was at a right angle to its +former one, and its impatience so great that it struck the enemy +before he had nearly reached the lowest point of his arc. In +consequence he went flying round and round in a horizontal circle +whose radius was about equal to half the length of the rope, which I +forgot to say was nearly twenty feet long. His shrieks, _crescendo_ +in approach and _diminuendo_ in recession, made the rapidity of his +revolution more obvious to the ear than to the eye. He had evidently +not yet been struck in a vital spot. His posture in the sack and the +distance from the ground at which he hung compelled the ram to operate +upon his lower extremities and the end of his back. Like a plant that +has struck its root into some poisonous mineral, my poor uncle was +dying slowly upward. + +"After delivering its second blow the ram had not again retired. The +fever of battle burned hot in its heart; its brain was intoxicated +with the wine of strife. Like a pugilist who in his rage forgets his +skill and fights ineffectively at half-arm's length, the angry beast +endeavored to reach its fleeting foe by awkward vertical leaps as he +passed overhead, sometimes, indeed, succeeding in striking him feebly, +but more frequently overthrown by its own misguided eagerness. But as +the impetus was exhausted and the man's circles narrowed in scope and +diminished in speed, bringing him nearer to the ground, these tactics +produced better results, eliciting a superior quality of screams, +which I greatly enjoyed. + +"Suddenly, as if the bugles had sung truce, the ram suspended +hostilities and walked away, thoughtfully wrinkling and smoothing its +great aquiline nose, and occasionally cropping a bunch of grass and +slowly munching it. It seemed to have tired of war's alarms and +resolved to beat the sword into a plowshare and cultivate the arts of +peace. Steadily it held its course away from the field of fame until +it had gained a distance of nearly a quarter of a mile. There it +stopped and stood with its rear to the foe, chewing its cud and +apparently half asleep. I observed, however, an occasional slight +turn of its head, as if its apathy were more affected than real. + +"Meantime Uncle William's shrieks had abated with his motion, and +nothing was heard from him but long, low moans, and at long intervals +my name, uttered in pleading tones exceedingly grateful to my ear. +Evidently the man had not the faintest notion of what was being done +to him, and was inexpressibly terrified. When Death comes cloaked in +mystery he is terrible indeed. Little by little my uncle's +oscillations diminished, and finally he hung motionless. I went to +him and was about to give him the _coup de grace_, when I heard and +felt a succession of smart shocks which shook the ground like a series +of light earthquakes, and turning in the direction of the ram, saw a +long cloud of dust approaching me with inconceivable rapidity and +alarming effect! At a distance of some thirty yards away it stopped +short, and from the near end of it rose into the air what I at first +thought a great white bird. Its ascent was so smooth and easy and +regular that I could not realize its extraordinary celerity, and was +lost in admiration of its grace. To this day the impression remains +that it was a slow, deliberate movement, the ram--for it was that +animal--being upborne by some power other than its own impetus, and +supported through the successive stages of its flight with infinite +tenderness and care. My eyes followed its progress through the air +with unspeakable pleasure, all the greater by contrast with my former +terror of its approach by land. Onward and upward the noble animal +sailed, its head bent down almost between its knees, its fore-feet +thrown back, its hinder legs trailing to rear like the legs of a +soaring heron. + +"At a height of forty or fifty feet, as fond recollection presents it +to view, it attained its zenith and appeared to remain an instant +stationary; then, tilting suddenly forward without altering the +relative position of its parts, it shot downward on a steeper and +steeper course with augmenting velocity, passed immediately above me +with a noise like the rush of a cannon shot and struck my poor uncle +almost squarely on the top of the head! So frightful was the impact +that not only the man's neck was broken, but the rope too; and the +body of the deceased, forced against the earth, was crushed to pulp +beneath the awful front of that meteoric sheep! The concussion +stopped all the clocks between Lone Hand and Dutch Dan's, and +Professor Davidson, a distinguished authority in matters seismic, who +happened to be in the vicinity, promptly explained that the vibrations +were from north to southwest. + +"Altogether, I cannot help thinking that in point of artistic atrocity +my murder of Uncle William has seldom been excelled." + + + +OIL OF DOG + + +My name is Boffer Bings. I was born of honest parents in one of the +humbler walks of life, my father being a manufacturer of dog-oil and +my mother having a small studio in the shadow of the village church, +where she disposed of unwelcome babes. In my boyhood I was trained to +habits of industry; I not only assisted my father in procuring dogs +for his vats, but was frequently employed by my mother to carry away +the debris of her work in the studio. In performance of this duty I +sometimes had need of all my natural intelligence for all the law +officers of the vicinity were opposed to my mother's business. They +were not elected on an opposition ticket, and the matter had never +been made a political issue; it just happened so. My father's +business of making dog-oil was, naturally, less unpopular, though the +owners of missing dogs sometimes regarded him with suspicion, which +was reflected, to some extent, upon me. My father had, as silent +partners, all the physicians of the town, who seldom wrote a +prescription which did not contain what they were pleased to designate +as _Ol. can._ It is really the most valuable medicine ever +discovered. But most persons are unwilling to make personal +sacrifices for the afflicted, and it was evident that many of the +fattest dogs in town had been forbidden to play with me--a fact which +pained my young sensibilities, and at one time came near driving me to +become a pirate. + +Looking back upon those days, I cannot but regret, at times, that by +indirectly bringing my beloved parents to their death I was the author +of misfortunes profoundly affecting my future. + +One evening while passing my father's oil factory with the body of a +foundling from my mother's studio I saw a constable who seemed to be +closely watching my movements. Young as I was, I had learned that a +constable's acts, of whatever apparent character, are prompted by the +most reprehensible motives, and I avoided him by dodging into the +oilery by a side door which happened to stand ajar. I locked it at +once and was alone with my dead. My father had retired for the night. +The only light in the place came from the furnace, which glowed a +deep, rich crimson under one of the vats, casting ruddy reflections on +the walls. Within the cauldron the oil still rolled in indolent +ebullition, occasionally pushing to the surface a piece of dog. +Seating myself to wait for the constable to go away, I held the naked +body of the foundling in my lap and tenderly stroked its short, silken +hair. Ah, how beautiful it was! Even at that early age I was +passionately fond of children, and as I looked upon this cherub I +could almost find it in my heart to wish that the small, red wound +upon its breast--the work of my dear mother--had not been mortal. + +It had been my custom to throw the babes into the river which nature +had thoughtfully provided for the purpose, but that night I did not +dare to leave the oilery for fear of the constable. "After all," I +said to myself, "it cannot greatly matter if I put it into this +cauldron. My father will never know the bones from those of a puppy, +and the few deaths which may result from administering another kind of +oil for the incomparable _ol. can._ are not important in a population +which increases so rapidly." In short, I took the first step in crime +and brought myself untold sorrow by casting the babe into the +cauldron. + +The next day, somewhat to my surprise, my father, rubbing his hands +with satisfaction, informed me and my mother that he had obtained the +finest quality of oil that was ever seen; that the physicians to whom +he had shown samples had so pronounced it. He added that he had no +knowledge as to how the result was obtained; the dogs had been treated +in all respects as usual, and were of an ordinary breed. I deemed it +my duty to explain--which I did, though palsied would have been my +tongue if I could have foreseen the consequences. Bewailing their +previous ignorance of the advantages of combining their industries, my +parents at once took measures to repair the error. My mother removed +her studio to a wing of the factory building and my duties in +connection with the business ceased; I was no longer required to +dispose of the bodies of the small superfluous, and there was no need +of alluring dogs to their doom, for my father discarded them +altogether, though they still had an honorable place in the name of +the oil. So suddenly thrown into idleness, I might naturally have +been expected to become vicious and dissolute, but I did not. The +holy influence of my dear mother was ever about me to protect me from +the temptations which beset youth, and my father was a deacon in a +church. Alas, that through my fault these estimable persons should +have come to so bad an end! + +Finding a double profit in her business, my mother now devoted herself +to it with a new assiduity. She removed not only superfluous and +unwelcome babes to order, but went out into the highways and byways, +gathering in children of a larger growth, and even such adults as she +could entice to the oilery. My father, too, enamored of the superior +quality of oil produced, purveyed for his vats with diligence and +zeal. The conversion of their neighbors into dog-oil became, in +short, the one passion of their lives--an absorbing and overwhelming +greed took possession of their souls and served them in place of a +hope in Heaven--by which, also, they were inspired. + +So enterprising had they now become that a public meeting was held and +resolutions passed severely censuring them. It was intimated by the +chairman that any further raids upon the population would be met in a +spirit of hostility. My poor parents left the meeting broken-hearted, +desperate and, I believe, not altogether sane. Anyhow, I deemed it +prudent not to enter the oilery with them that night, but slept +outside in a stable. + +At about midnight some mysterious impulse caused me to rise and peer +through a window into the furnace-room, where I knew my father now +slept. The fires were burning as brightly as if the following day's +harvest had been expected to be abundant. One of the large cauldrons +was slowly "walloping" with a mysterious appearance of self-restraint, +as if it bided its time to put forth its full energy. My father was +not in bed; he had risen in his night clothes and was preparing a +noose in a strong cord. From the looks which he cast at the door of +my mother's bedroom I knew too well the purpose that he had in mind. +Speechless and motionless with terror, I could do nothing in +prevention or warning. Suddenly the door of my mother's apartment was +opened, noiselessly, and the two confronted each other, both +apparently surprised. The lady, also, was in her night clothes, and +she held in her right hand the tool of her trade, a long, +narrow-bladed dagger. + +She, too, had been unable to deny herself the last profit which the +unfriendly action of the citizens and my absence had left her. For +one instant they looked into each other's blazing eyes and then sprang +together with indescribable fury. Round and round, the room they +struggled, the man cursing, the woman shrieking, both fighting like +demons--she to strike him with the dagger, he to strangle her with his +great bare hands. I know not how long I had the unhappiness to +observe this disagreeable instance of domestic infelicity, but at +last, after a more than usually vigorous struggle, the combatants +suddenly moved apart. + +My father's breast and my mother's weapon showed evidences of contact. +For another instant they glared at each other in the most unamiable +way; then my poor, wounded father, feeling the hand of death upon him, +leaped forward, unmindful of resistance, grasped my dear mother in his +arms, dragged her to the side of the boiling cauldron, collected all +his failing energies, and sprang in with her! In a moment, both had +disappeared and were adding their oil to that of the committee of +citizens who had called the day before with an invitation to the +public meeting. + +Convinced that these unhappy events closed to me every avenue to an +honorable career in that town, I removed to the famous city of +Otumwee, where these memoirs are written with a heart full of remorse +for a heedless act entailing so dismal a commercial disaster. + + + +AN IMPERFECT CONFLAGRATION + + +Early one June morning in 1872 I murdered my father--an act which made +a deep impression on me at the time. This was before my marriage, +while I was living with my parents in Wisconsin. My father and I were +in the library of our home, dividing the proceeds of a burglary which +we had committed that night. These consisted of household goods +mostly, and the task of equitable division was difficult. We got on +very well with the napkins, towels and such things, and the silverware +was parted pretty nearly equally, but you can see for yourself that +when you try to divide a single music-box by two without a remainder +you will have trouble. It was that music-box which brought disaster +and disgrace upon our family. If we had left it my poor father might +now be alive. + +It was a most exquisite and beautiful piece of workmanship--inlaid +with costly woods and carven very curiously. It would not only play a +great variety of tunes, but would whistle like a quail, bark like a +dog, crow every morning at daylight whether it was wound up or not, +and break the Ten Commandments. It was this last mentioned +accomplishment that won my father's heart and caused him to commit the +only dishonorable act of his life, though possibly he would have +committed more if he had been spared: he tried to conceal that +music-box from me, and declared upon his honor that he had not taken +it, though I know very well that, so far as he was concerned, the +burglary had been undertaken chiefly for the purpose of obtaining it. + +My father had the music-box hidden under his cloak; we had worn cloaks +by way of disguise. He had solemnly assured me that he did not take +it. I knew that he did, and knew something of which he was evidently +ignorant; namely, that the box would crow at daylight and betray him +if I could prolong the division of profits till that time. All +occurred as I wished: as the gaslight began to pale in the library and +the shape of the windows was seen dimly behind the curtains, a long +cock-a-doodle-doo came from beneath the old gentleman's cloak, +followed by a few bars of an aria from _Tannhauser_, ending with a +loud click. A small hand-axe, which we had used to break into the +unlucky house, lay between us on the table; I picked it up. The old +man seeing that further concealment was useless took the box from +under his cloak and set it on the table. "Cut it in two if you prefer +that plan," said he; "I tried to save it from destruction." + +He was a passionate lover of music and could himself play the +concertina with expression and feeling. + +I said: "I do not question the purity of your motive: it would be +presumptuous of me to sit in judgment on my father. But business is +business, and with this axe I am going to effect a dissolution of our +partnership unless you will consent in all future burglaries to wear a +bell-punch." + +"No," he said, after some reflection, "no, I could not do that; it +would look like a confession of dishonesty. People would say that you +distrusted me." + +I could not help admiring his spirit and sensitiveness; for a moment I +was proud of him and disposed to overlook his fault, but a glance at +the richly jeweled music-box decided me, and, as I said, I removed the +old man from this vale of tears. Having done so, I was a trifle +uneasy. Not only was he my father--the author of my being--but the +body would be certainly discovered. It was now broad daylight and my +mother was likely to enter the library at any moment. Under the +circumstances, I thought it expedient to remove her also, which I did. +Then I paid off all the servants and discharged them. + +That afternoon I went to the chief of police, told him what I had done +and asked his advice. It would be very painful to me if the facts +became publicly known. My conduct would be generally condemned; the +newspapers would bring it up against me if ever I should run for +office. The chief saw the force of these considerations; he was +himself an assassin of wide experience. After consulting with the +presiding judge of the Court of Variable Jurisdiction he advised me to +conceal the bodies in one of the bookcases, get a heavy insurance on +the house and burn it down. This I proceeded to do. + +In the library was a book-case which my father had recently purchased +of some cranky inventor and had not filled. It was in shape and size +something like the old-fashioned "ward-robes" which one sees in +bed-rooms without closets, but opened all the way down, like a woman's +night-dress. It had glass doors. I had recently laid out my parents +and they were now rigid enough to stand erect; so I stood them in this +book-case, from which I had removed the shelves. I locked them in and +tacked some curtains over the glass doors. The inspector from the +insurance office passed a half-dozen times before the case without +suspicion. + +That night, after getting my policy, I set fire to the house and +started through the woods to town, two miles away, where I managed to +be found about the time the excitement was at its height. With cries +of apprehension for the fate of my parents, I joined the rush and +arrived at the fire some two hours after I had kindled it. The whole +town was there as I dashed up. The house was entirely consumed, but +in one end of the level bed of glowing embers, bolt upright and +uninjured, was that book-case! The curtains had burned away, exposing +the glass-doors, through which the fierce, red light illuminated the +interior. There stood my dear father "in his habit as he lived," and +at his side the partner of his joys and sorrows. Not a hair of them +was singed, their clothing was intact. On their heads and throats the +injuries which in the accomplishment of my designs I had been +compelled to inflict were conspicuous. As in the presence of a +miracle, the people were silent; awe and terror had stilled every +tongue. I was myself greatly affected. + +Some three years later, when the events herein related had nearly +faded from my memory, I went to New York to assist in passing some +counterfeit United States bonds. Carelessly looking into a furniture +store one day, I saw the exact counterpart of that book-case. "I +bought it for a trifle from a reformed inventor," the dealer +explained. "He said it was fireproof, the pores of the wood being +filled with alum under hydraulic pressure and the glass made of +asbestos. I don't suppose it is really fireproof--you can have it at +the price of an ordinary book-case." + +"No," I said, "if you cannot warrant it fireproof I won't take +it"--and I bade him good morning. + +I would not have had it at any price: it revived memories that were +exceedingly disagreeable. + + + +THE HYPNOTIST + + +By those of my friends who happen to know that I sometimes amuse +myself with hypnotism, mind reading and kindred phenomena, I am +frequently asked if I have a clear conception of the nature of +whatever principle underlies them. To this question I always reply +that I neither have nor desire to have. I am no investigator with an +ear at the key-hole of Nature's workshop, trying with vulgar curiosity +to steal the secrets of her trade. The interests of science are as +little to me as mine seem to have been to science. + +Doubtless the phenomena in question are simple enough, and in no way +transcend our powers of comprehension if only we could find the clew; +but for my part I prefer not to find it, for I am of a singularly +romantic disposition, deriving more gratification from mystery than +from knowledge. It was commonly remarked of me when I was a child +that my big blue eyes appeared to have been made rather to look into +than look out of--such was their dreamful beauty, and in my frequent +periods of abstraction, their indifference to what was going on. In +those peculiarities they resembled, I venture to think, the soul which +lies behind them, always more intent upon some lovely conception which +it has created in its own image than concerned about the laws of +nature and the material frame of things. All this, irrelevant and +egotistic as it may seem, is related by way of accounting for the +meagreness of the light that I am able to throw upon a subject that +has engaged so much of my attention, and concerning which there is so +keen and general a curiosity. With my powers and opportunities, +another person might doubtless have an explanation for much of what I +present simply as narrative. + +My first knowledge that I possessed unusual powers came to me in my +fourteenth year, when at school. Happening one day to have forgotten +to bring my noon-day luncheon, I gazed longingly at that of a small +girl who was preparing to eat hers. Looking up, her eyes met mine and +she seemed unable to withdraw them. After a moment of hesitancy she +came forward in an absent kind of way and without a word surrendered +her little basket with its tempting contents and walked away. +Inexpressibly pleased, I relieved my hunger and destroyed the basket. +After that I had not the trouble to bring a luncheon for myself: that +little girl was my daily purveyor; and not infrequently in satisfying +my simple need from her frugal store I combined pleasure and profit by +constraining her attendance at the feast and making misleading proffer +of the viands, which eventually I consumed to the last fragment. The +girl was always persuaded that she had eaten all herself; and later in +the day her tearful complaints of hunger surprised the teacher, +entertained the pupils, earned for her the sobriquet of Greedy-Gut and +filled me with a peace past understanding. + +A disagreeable feature of this otherwise satisfactory condition of +things was the necessary secrecy: the transfer of the luncheon, for +example, had to be made at some distance from the madding crowd, in a +wood; and I blush to think of the many other unworthy subterfuges +entailed by the situation. As I was (and am) naturally of a frank and +open disposition, these became more and more irksome, and but for the +reluctance of my parents to renounce the obvious advantages of the new +regime I would gladly have reverted to the old. The plan that I +finally adopted to free myself from the consequences of my own powers +excited a wide and keen interest at the time, and that part of it +which consisted in the death of the girl was severely condemned, but +it is hardly pertinent to the scope of this narrative. + +For some years afterward I had little opportunity to practice +hypnotism; such small essays as I made at it were commonly barren of +other recognition than solitary confinement on a bread-and-water diet; +sometimes, indeed, they elicited nothing better than the +cat-o'-nine-tails. It was when I was about to leave the scene of +these small disappointments that my one really important feat was +performed. + +I had been called into the warden's office and given a suit of +civilian's clothing, a trifling sum of money and a great deal of +advice, which I am bound to confess was of a much better quality than +the clothing. As I was passing out of the gate into the light of +freedom I suddenly turned and looking the warden gravely in the eye, +soon had him in control. + +"You are an ostrich," I said. + +At the post-mortem examination the stomach was found to contain a +great quantity of indigestible articles mostly of wood or metal. +Stuck fast in the esophagus and constituting, according to the +Coroner's jury, the immediate cause of death, one door-knob. + +I was by nature a good and affectionate son, but as I took my way into +the great world from which I had been so long secluded I could not +help remembering that all my misfortunes had flowed like a stream from +the niggard economy of my parents in the matter of school luncheons; +and I knew of no reason to think they had reformed. + +On the road between Succotash Hill and South Asphyxia is a little open +field which once contained a shanty known as Pete Gilstrap's Place, +where that gentleman used to murder travelers for a living. The death +of Mr. Gilstrap and the diversion of nearly all the travel to another +road occurred so nearly at the same time that no one has ever been +able to say which was cause and which effect. Anyhow, the field was +now a desolation and the Place had long been burned. It was while +going afoot to South Asphyxia, the home of my childhood, that I found +both my parents on their way to the Hill. They had hitched their team +and were eating luncheon under an oak tree in the center of the field. +The sight of the luncheon called up painful memories of my school +days and roused the sleeping lion in my breast. Approaching the +guilty couple, who at once recognized me, I ventured to suggest that I +share their hospitality. + +"Of this cheer, my son," said the author of my being, with +characteristic pomposity, which age had not withered, "there is +sufficient for but two. I am not, I hope, insensible to the +hunger-light in your eyes, but--" + +My father has never completed that sentence; what he mistook for +hunger-light was simply the earnest gaze of the hypnotist. In a few +seconds he was at my service. A few more sufficed for the lady, and +the dictates of a just resentment could be carried into effect. "My +former father," I said, "I presume that it is known to you that you +and this lady are no longer what you were?" + +"I have observed a certain subtle change," was the rather dubious +reply of the old gentleman; "it is perhaps attributable to age." + +"It is more than that," I explained; "it goes to character--to +species. You and the lady here are, in truth, two broncos--wild +stallions both, and unfriendly." + +"Why, John," exclaimed my dear mother, "you don't mean to say that I +am--" + +"Madam," I replied, solemnly, fixing my eyes again upon hers, "you +are." + +Scarcely had the words fallen from my lips when she dropped upon her +hands and knees, and backing up to the old man squealed like a demon +and delivered a vicious kick upon his shin! An instant later he was +himself down on all-fours, headed away from her and flinging his feet +at her simultaneously and successively. With equal earnestness but +inferior agility, because of her hampering body-gear, she plied her +own. Their flying legs crossed and mingled in the most bewildering +way; their feet sometimes meeting squarely in midair, their bodies +thrust forward, falling flat upon the ground and for a moment +helpless. On recovering themselves they would resume the combat, +uttering their frenzy in the nameless sounds of the furious brutes +which they believed themselves to be--the whole region rang with their +clamor! Round and round they wheeled, the blows of their feet falling +"like lightnings from the mountain cloud." They plunged and reared +backward upon their knees, struck savagely at each other with awkward +descending blows of both fists at once, and dropped again upon their +hands as if unable to maintain the upright position of the body. +Grass and pebbles were torn from the soil by hands and feet; clothing, +hair, faces inexpressibly defiled with dust and blood. Wild, +inarticulate screams of rage attested the delivery of the blows; +groans, grunts and gasps their receipt. Nothing more truly military +was ever seen at Gettysburg or Waterloo: the valor of my dear parents +in the hour of danger can never cease to be to me a source of pride +and gratification. At the end of it all two battered, tattered, +bloody and fragmentary vestiges of mortality attested the solemn fact +that the author of the strife was an orphan. + +Arrested for provoking a breach of the peace, I was, and have ever +since been, tried in the Court of Technicalities and Continuances +whence, after fifteen years of proceedings, my attorney is moving +heaven and earth to get the case taken to the Court of Remandment for +New Trials. + +Such are a few of my principal experiments in the mysterious force or +agency known as hypnotic suggestion. Whether or not it could be +employed by a bad man for an unworthy purpose I am unable to say. + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg Etext of The Parenticide Club, by Ambrose Bierce + diff --git a/old/prntc10.zip b/old/prntc10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..5964a96 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/prntc10.zip |
