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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Zankiwank and The Bletherwitch, by
+S. J. Adair Fitzgerald
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Zankiwank and The Bletherwitch
+       An Original Fantastic Fairy Extravaganza
+
+Author: S. J. Adair Fitzgerald
+
+Illustrator: Arthur Rackham
+
+Release Date: August 17, 2011 [EBook #37111]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ZANKIWANK AND THE BLETHERWITCH ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Edwards and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by The
+Internet Archive)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration: The Zankiwank & The Bletherwitch]
+
+
+
+  The Zankiwank
+  and
+  The Bletherwitch
+
+  An Original Fantastic Fairy Extravaganza
+
+
+
+  "_Imagination is always the ruling and divine power,
+  and the rest of the man is only the instrument which
+  it sounds, or the tablet on which it writes._"
+                                              JOHN RUSKIN.
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+
+  THE ZANKIWANK & THE BLETHERWITCH
+
+  BY S.J. ADAIR FITZGERALD
+
+  WITH PICTURES BY ARTHUR RACKHAM
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+  LONDON J.M. DENT & Co.
+  ALDINE HOUSE E.C. 1896
+
+
+
+  _All Rights Reserved_
+
+
+
+  To
+  MY BLANCHE
+
+  I AFFECTIONATELY INSCRIBE
+  THIS LITTLE BOOK
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS
+
+
+  PART I
+    A TRIP TO FABLE LAND                       1
+
+  PART II
+    THE FAIRIES' FEATHER AND FLOWER LAND      33
+
+  PART III
+    A VISIT TO SHADOW LAND                    91
+
+  PART IV
+    THE LAND OF TOPSY TURVEY                 119
+
+
+
+
+LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS
+
+
+                                                                  PAGE
+
+  EVERYBODY MADE A RUSH FOR THE TRAIN                   _Frontispiece_
+
+  THE ZANKIWANK AND THE BLETHERWITCH                      _Title Page_
+
+  THE JACKARANDAJAM                                                  5
+
+  MR SWINGLEBINKS                                                    7
+
+  THEY WERE RUN INTO BY A DEMON ON A BICYCLE                        17
+
+  BIRDS, BEASTS AND FISHES WERE HURRYING BY IN CONFUSING MASSES     19
+
+  THE FROGS ... PLAYING "KISS IN THE RING"                          24
+
+  THEY WERE GLUED TO THE EARTH                                      27
+
+  THE ELFIN ORCHESTRA                                               37
+
+  I HAVE DISPATCHED THE JACKARANDAJAM AND MR SWINGLEBINKS IN A
+    FOUR-WHEELED CAB                                                41
+
+  A COMPANY OF FAIRIES ... LEAPT FROM THE PETALS OF THE FLOWERS     45
+
+  THE SLY JACKDAWS AND THE RAVENS ... EVIDENTLY PLOTTING MISCHIEF   51
+
+  ONE OF THE PRETTIEST DANCES YOU EVER SAW                          55
+
+  TITANIA ARRIVED ... WITH A FULL TRAIN OF FAIRIES AND ELVES        61
+
+  WILLIE PINCHED HIS EXCEEDINGLY THIN LEGS, MAKING HIM JUMP
+    AS HIGH AS AN APRIL RAINBOW                                     64
+
+  PEASEBLOSSOM AND MUSTARD SEED                                     71
+
+  QUEEN TITANIA AND HER COURT OF FAIRIES WERE EATING PUDDINGS
+    AND PIES                                                        75
+
+  THE TWO CHILDREN TUMBLED OFF NOTHING INTO A VACANT SPACE          79
+
+  "KEEP THE POT A-BOILING," BAWLED THE ZANKIWANK                    83
+
+  SO INTO SHADOWLAND THEY TUMBLED                                   87
+
+  A WHOLE SCHOOL OF CHILDREN FOLLOWING MADLY IN THEIR WAKE          95
+
+  THE GOBLINS STARTED OFF ON HORSEBACK                             101
+
+  "THE UNFORTUNATE DOLL"                                           103
+
+  THE WINNY WEG WAS DANCING IN A CORNER ALL BY HERSELF             106
+
+  MAUDE AND WILLIE WERE RECLINING PEACEFULLY ON A GOLDEN COUCH
+    WITH SILVER CUSHIONS                                           107
+
+  A GAME OF LEAP-FROG                                              108
+
+  A GREAT RED CAVERN OPENED AND SWALLOWED UP EVERYTHING            117
+
+  "NOW THEN, MOVE ON!"                                             123
+
+  THE WIMBLE AND THE WAMBLE                                        126
+
+  JORUMGANDER THE YOUNGER ... APPROACHED THEM WITH A CASE OF PENS  133
+
+  "WHY, HERE HE IS!"                                               138
+
+  THE ZANKIWANK ARGUING WITH THE CLERK OF THE WEATHER AND THE
+    WEATHER COCK                                                   145
+
+  TIME WAS MEANT FOR SLAVES                                        151
+
+  CHILDREN WITH THE ODDEST HEADS AND FACES EVER SEEN          158, 159
+
+  IT WAS A SORT OF SKELETON                                        163
+
+  THE GRIFFIN AND THE PHOENIX                                      170
+
+  THEY SPRANG INTO THE HASH                                        173
+
+  DR PAMPLETON                                                     177
+
+  NO ONE INDIVIDUAL GOT HIS OWN PROPER LIMBS FASTENED TO HIM       183
+
+  THERE WAS JOHN OPENING THE CARRIAGE DOOR FOR THEM TO GET OUT     187
+
+
+
+
+Part I
+
+A Trip to Fable Land
+
+
+  _By the Queen-Moon's mystic light,
+  By the hush of holy night,
+  By the woodland deep and green,
+  By the starlight's silver sheen,
+  By the zephyr's whispered spell,
+  Brooding Powers Invisible,
+  Faerie Court and Elfin Throng,
+  Unto whom the groves belong,
+  And by Laws of ancient date,
+  Found in Scrolls of Faerie Fate,
+  Stream and fount are dedicate.
+  Whereso'er your feet to-day
+  Far from haunts of men may stray,
+  We adjure you stay no more
+  Exiles on an alien shore,
+  But with spells of magic birth
+  Once again make glad the earth._
+                                             PHILIP DAYRE.
+
+
+
+
+A Trip to Fable Land
+
+
+"Well," said the Zankiwank as he swallowed another jam tart, "I think we
+had better start on our travels at once."
+
+They were all standing under the clock at Charing Cross Station when the
+station was closed and everybody else had departed, except the train
+which the Zankiwank had himself chartered. It was all so odd and
+strange, and the gathering was so very motley, that if it had been
+to-morrow morning instead of last night, Willie and Maude would
+certainly have said they had both been dreaming. But, of course, they
+were not dreaming because they were wide-awake and dressed. Besides,
+they remembered Charing Cross Station quite well, having started
+therefrom with their father and mother only last summer when they went
+to the sea-side for their holidays--and what jolly times they had on the
+sands! So Maude said promptly, "It is not Night-mare or Dreams or
+Anything. We don't know what it is, but we must not go to sleep, Willie,
+in case anything should happen."
+
+Willie replied that he did not want to go to sleep any more. "I believe
+it's a show," he added, "and somebody's run away with us. How lovely!
+I'm glad we are lost. Let us go and ask that tall gentleman, who looks
+like the parlour-tongs in a bathing-suit, to give us some more buns."
+For, being a boy, he could always eat buns, or an abundance of them,
+only I hope you won't tell the nursery governess I told you.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+It was the Zankiwank, who was doing some conjuring tricks for the
+benefit of the Jackarandajam and Mr Swinglebinks, to whom Willie
+referred. The Zankiwank was certainly a very curious person to look at.
+He had very long legs, very long arms, and a very small body, a long
+neck and a head like a peacock. He was not wearing a bathing suit as
+Willie imagined, because there were tails to his jacket, hanging down
+almost to his heels. He wore a sash round his waist, and his clothes
+were all speckled as though he had been peppered with the colours out of
+a very large kaleidoscope. The Jackarandajam was also rather tall and
+thin, but dressed in the very height of fashion, with a flower in his
+coat and a cigarette in his mouth, which he never smoked because he
+never lit it. He was believed by all the others--you shall know who all
+the others were presently--to know more things than the Man-in-the-Moon,
+because he nearly always said something that nobody else ever thought
+of. And the Man-in-the-Moon knows more things than the Old Woman of
+Mars. You have naturally heard all about Mars--at least, if you have not
+heard all about her, you all have heard about her, which is just the
+same thing, only reversed.
+
+  There was an Old Woman of Mars
+  Who'd constantly say "Bless my stars,
+    There's the Sun and the Moon
+    And the Earth in a swoon,
+  All dying for par-tic-u-lars-u-lars!
+  Of this planet of mine called Mars!"
+
+Mr Swinglebinks, unlike his two companions, was short, stout, and
+dreadfully important. In Fable Land, where we are going as soon as we
+start for that happy place, he kept a grocer's shop once upon a time. As
+nobody cared a fig for his sugar and currants, however, he retired from
+business and took to dates and the making of new almanacks, and was now
+travelling about for the benefit of his figures. He was very strong on
+arithmetic, and could read, write, and arith-metise before he went to
+school, so he never went at all.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+While the Zankiwank was talking to his friends an unseen porter rang an
+unseen bell, and called out in an unknown tongue:--
+
+  "Take your seats for Fableland,
+  Which stands upon a Tableland,
+    And don't distress the guard.
+  And when you pass the Cableland
+  Say nothing to the Gableland
+    Because it hurts the guard."
+
+"We must put that porter back in the bottle," said the Jackarandajam,
+"we shall want some bottled porter to drink on the road."
+
+"Well," said Maude, "what a ridiculous thing to say. We don't bottle
+railway porters, I am sure."
+
+"I wish the Bletherwitch would come," exclaimed the Zankiwank, "we shall
+miss the next train. She is most provoking. She promised to be here
+three weeks ago, and we have been waiting ever since."
+
+This astounding statement quite disturbed Willie, who almost swallowed a
+bun in his excitement. Had he and Maude been waiting there three weeks
+as well? What would they think at home? You see Maude and Willie, who
+were brother and sister, had been on a visit to their grandmama; and on
+their way home they had fallen asleep in the carriage, after having
+repeated to each other all the wonderful fairy tales their grandmama
+had related to them. How long they had slept they could not guess, but
+when they woke up, instead of finding themselves at home in St George's
+Square, they discovered that they were at Charing Cross Station. Mary,
+their nurse, had disappeared, so had John the coachman, and it was the
+Zankiwank who had opened the door and assisted them to alight, saying at
+the same time most politely--
+
+"I assist you to alight, because it is so dark."
+
+Then he gave them buns and chocolates, icecreams, apples, pears, shrimps
+and cranberry tarts. So it stands to reason that after such a mixture
+they were rather perplexed. However, they did not seem very much
+distressed, and as they were both fond of adventures, especially in
+books, they were quite content to accept the Zankiwank's offer to take
+them for a ride in the midnight-express to Fable Land, over which, as
+everybody knows, King Ęsop reigns. Maudie was nine and a half and Willie
+was eight and a quarter. Very nice ages indeed, unless you happen to be
+younger or older, and then your own age is nicer still.
+
+"I think," said the Zankiwank, "that we will start without the
+Bletherwitch. She knows the way and can take a balloon."
+
+"If she takes a balloon she will lose it. You had better let the balloon
+take her," exclaimed the Jackarandajam severely.
+
+"Take your places! Take your places!" cried the unseen porter. So
+everybody made a rush for the train, and they all entered a Pullman Car
+and sat down on the seats.
+
+"Dear me! How very incorrectly that porter speaks. He means, of course,
+that the seats should take, or receive us."
+
+The Zankiwank only smiled, while Mr Swinglebinks commenced counting up
+to a hundred, but as he lost one, he could only count up to
+ninety-nine--so, to keep his arithmetic going, he subtracted a
+time-piece from his neighbour's pocket, multiplied his foot-warmers, and
+divided his attention between the Wimble and the Wamble, who were both
+of the party, being left-handed and deaf.
+
+Maudie and Willie took their places in the car with all the other
+passengers amid a perfect babel of chattering and laughing and crying,
+and then, as the train began to slowly move out of the station, the
+Zankiwank solemnly sang the following serious song:--
+
+
+OFF TO FABLE LAND.
+
+  The midnight train departs at three,
+    To Fable Land we go,
+  For this express is nothing less
+    Than a steamer, don't you know!
+  We're sailing now upon the Thames,
+    All in a penny boat,
+  And we soon shall change for a mountain range,
+    In the atmosphere to float!
+
+      So off we go to Fable Land--
+        (Speak kindly to the guard!)
+      Which many think a Babel-land,
+        But this you disregard.
+      You'll find it is a Stable-land,
+        With stables in the yard--
+      A possible, probable, Able-land,
+        So do not vex the guard!
+
+  We've left behind us Charing Cross,
+    And all the town in bed;
+  For it is plain, though in this train,
+    We're standing on our head!
+  We're riding now in Bedfordshire,
+    Which is the Land of Nod;
+  And yet in the sky we are flying high,
+    Which seems extremely odd!
+
+      So off we go to Fable Land--
+        (Speak kindly to the guard!)
+      Which many think a Babel-land,
+        But this you disregard.
+      You'll find it is a Stable-land,
+        With stables in the yard--
+      A possible, probable, Able-land,
+        So do not vex the guard!
+
+Maudie and Willie found themselves joining lustily in the chorus when
+the Zankiwank pulled the cord communicating with the guard, and,
+opening the window, climbed out on to the top of the carriage calling
+all the time:--
+
+  "Guard! Guard! Guard!
+  Don't go so hard,
+    Just give the brake a hitch!
+  To Charing Cross return--
+  Nay, do not look so stern--
+  For I would not tell a cram,
+  I must send a telegram,
+    To my darling little Bletherwitch."
+
+So the guard turned the train round, and they went back to Charing Cross
+as quick as lightning.
+
+"It's my fault," moaned the Jackarandajam, "I ought to have reminded
+you. Never mind, we will put on another engine."
+
+So the Zankiwank got out and sent a telegram to the Bletherwitch, and
+desired her to follow on in a balloon.
+
+Again they started, and everybody settled down until the train reached
+the British Channel, when it dived through a tunnel into an uninhabited
+country, where the post-office clerk popped his head into the carriage
+window and handed in a telegram.
+
+  "_From the Bletherwitch,
+  To the Zankiwank._
+
+    Don't wait tea. Gone to the Dentists."
+
+"Extremely thoughtful," exclaimed everybody. But the Zankiwank wept, and
+explained to the sympathetic Maude that he was engaged to be married to
+the Bletherwitch, and he had been waiting for her for fourteen years.
+"Such a charming creature. I will introduce you when she comes. Fancy,
+she is only two feet one inch and one third high. Such a suitable height
+for a bride."
+
+"What," expostulated Willie and Maude together, "she's no bigger than
+our baby! And you are quite----"
+
+"Eight feet and one half of an inch."
+
+"How disproportionate! It seems to me to be a most unequal match,"
+answered Maude. "What does her mother say?"
+
+"Oh, she hasn't got any mother, you know. That would not do. She has
+been asleep for two thousand years, and has only just woke up to the
+fact that I am her destiny."
+
+"She is only joking," declared Maude. "Two thousand years! She _must_ be
+joking!"
+
+"No," replied the Zankiwank somewhat sadly, "she is not joking. She
+never jokes. She is of Scottish descent," he added reflectively. "I hope
+she will keep her appointment. I am afraid she is rather giddy!----"
+
+"Giddy! Well, if she has waited two thousand years before making up her
+mind to go to the dentists she must be giddy. I am afraid you are not
+speaking the truth."
+
+Before any reply could be given the Guard came to the window and said
+they would have to go back to Charing Cross again as he forgot to pay
+his rent, and he always paid his rent on Monday.
+
+"But this is _not_ Monday," said Willie. "Yesterday was Monday. To-day
+is to-morrow you know, therefore it is Tuesday. Pay your landlady double
+next Monday and that will do just as well."
+
+The Guard hesitated.
+
+"Don't vex the Guard," they all said in chorus.
+
+"I am not vexed," said the Guard, touching his hat. "Do you think it
+would be right to pay double? You see my landlady is single. She might
+not like it."
+
+"Write 'I. O. U.' on a post-card and send it to her. It will do just as
+well, if not better," suggested Mr Swinglebinks.
+
+So the Guard sent the post-card; but in his agitation he told the
+engineer driver to go straight ahead instead of round the corner. The
+consequence was that they were run into by a Demon on a bicycle, and
+thrown out of the train down a coal mine. Luckily there were no coals in
+the mine so it did not matter, and they went boldly forward--that is to
+say, Willie and Maude did, and knocked at the front door of a handsome
+house that suddenly appeared before them.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Nobody opened the door, so they walked in. They looked behind them, but
+could not see the Zankiwank or any of the passengers in the train;
+therefore, not knowing what else to do, they went upstairs. They
+appeared to be walking up stairs for hours without coming to a landing
+or meeting with anyone, and the interminable steps began to grow
+monotonous. Presently they heard a scuffling and a stamping and a
+roaring behind them and something or somebody began to push them most
+rudely until at last the wall gave way, the stairs gave way, they gave
+way, and tumbled right on to the tips of their noses.
+
+"Out of the way! Out of the way!" screamed a chorus of curious voices,
+and Maude and Willie found themselves taken by the hand by a
+weird-looking dwarf with a swivel eye and an elevated proboscis, and led
+out of danger.
+
+The children could not help gazing upon their preserver, who was so
+grotesquely formed, with a humped back, twisted legs, very long arms,
+and such a funny little body without any neck. But his eyes atoned for
+everything--they sparkled and glinted in their sockets like bright brown
+diamonds--only there are no brown diamonds, you know, only white and
+pink ones.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+The Dwarf did not appear to mind the wondering looks of the children at
+all, but patted them on the cheeks and told them not to be frightened.
+But whether he meant frightened of himself, or of the Birds, Beasts, and
+Fishes that were hurrying by in such confusing masses, they could not
+tell. One thing, however, that astonished them very much was the
+deference with which they greeted their quaint rescuer, as they passed
+by. For every creature from the Lion to the Mouse bowed most politely
+as they approached him, and then went on their way gaily frisking, for
+this was their weekly half-holiday.
+
+"How do you like my Menagerie," enquired the Dwarf. "Rough and ready,
+perhaps, but as docile as a flat-iron if you treat them properly."
+
+"It is just like the Zoo," declared Willie. "Or the animals in Ęsop's
+Fables," suggested Maude.
+
+This delighted the Dwarf very much, for though he looked so serious, he
+was full of good humour and skipped about with much agility.
+
+"Good! Good!" he cried. "Ęsop and the Zoo! Ha! Ha! He! He! Anybody can
+be a Zoo but only one can be Ęsop, and I am he!"
+
+"Ęsop! Are you really Mr Ęsop, the Phrygian Philosopher?" cried Maude.
+
+"_King_ Ęsop, I should say," corrected Willie. "I am glad we have met
+you, because now, perhaps, you will kindly tell us what a Fable really
+is."
+
+"A Fable," said the merry Ęsop, with a twinkle in his witty eyes, "is a
+fictitious story about nothing that ever happened, related by nobody
+that ever lived. And the moral is, that every one is quite innocent,
+only they must not do it again!"
+
+"Ah! that is only your fun," said Willie sagely, "because of the moral.
+Why do they give you so many morals?"
+
+"I don't know," answered Ęsop gravely. "But the Commentators and Editors
+do give a lot of applications and morals to the tales of my animals,
+don't they?"
+
+"I like a tale with a moral," averred Maude, "it finishes everything up
+so satisfactorily, I think. Now, Mr Ęsop, as you know so much, please
+tell us what a proverb is?"
+
+"Ah!" replied Mr Ęsop, "I don't make proverbs. There are too many
+already, but a proverb usually seems to me to be something you always
+theoretically remember to practically forget."
+
+Neither of the children quite understood this, though Maude thought it
+was what her papa would call satire, and satire was such a strange word
+that she could never fully comprehend the meaning.
+
+Willie was silent too, like his sister, and seeing them deep in thought,
+King Ęsop waved a little wand he had in his hand, and all the Birds and
+Beasts and Fishes joined hands and paws, and fins and wings, and danced
+in a circle singing to the music of a quantity of piping birds in the
+trees:--
+
+  If you want to be merry and wise,
+  You must all be as bright as you can,
+      You never must quarrel,
+      Or spoil a right moral,
+  But live on a regular plan.
+  You must read, write and arith-metise,
+  Or you'll never grow up to be good;
+      And you mustn't say "Won't,"
+      Or "I shan't" and "I don't,"
+  Or disturb the Indicative Mood.
+
+      So round about the Knowledge Tree,
+        Each boy and girl must go,
+      To learn in school the golden rule,
+        And Duty's line to toe!
+
+  If you want to be clever and smart,
+  You must also be ready for play,
+      And don't be too subtle
+      When batting your shuttle,
+  But sport in a frolicsome way.
+  With bat and with ball take your part,
+  Or with little doll perched on your knee,
+      You sing all the time,
+      To a nursery rhyme,
+  Before you go in to your tea!
+
+      So round about the Sunset Tree
+        Each boy and girl should go
+      To play a game of--What's its name?
+        That is each game--you know!
+
+After merrily joining in this very original song, with dancing
+accompaniment, Maude and Willie thanked King Ęsop for permitting his
+animals to entertain them.
+
+"Always glad to please good little boys and girls, you know," he
+replied pleasantly, "even in their play they furnish us with a new fable
+and a moral."
+
+"And that is?"
+
+"All play and no work makes the world stand still."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Before they could ask for an explanation, their attention was once more
+drawn to the animals, who had commenced playing all kinds of games just
+the same as they themselves played in the play-ground at school. The
+Toads were playing Leap-frog; the Elephants and the Bears, Fly the
+Garter; the Dromedaries, Hi! Spie! Hi! while the snakes were trundling
+their hoops. The Lions and the Lambs were playing at cricket with the
+Donkeys as fielders and the Wombat as umpire.
+
+The Frogs were in a corner by themselves playing "Kiss in the Ring," and
+crying out:--
+
+  "It isn't you! It isn't you!
+  We none of us know what to do,"
+
+in a very serio-comic manner. Then the Storks and the Cranes and the
+Geese and the Ganders were standing in a circle singing:--
+
+  Sally, Sally Waters,
+    Sitting in the Moon,
+  With the camel's daughters,
+    All through the afternoon!
+  Oh Sally! Bo Sally!
+    Where's your dusting pan;
+  My Sally! Fie Sally!
+    Here is your young man!
+
+In another part the Crabs, the Sheep, and the Fox, were vowing that
+London Bridge was Broken Down, because they had not half-a-crown, which
+seemed a curious reason. Then all the rest of the wild creatures, Birds,
+Beasts, and Fishes, commenced an extraordinary dance, singing, croaking,
+flapping their fins and spreading their wings, to these words:--
+
+  We are a crowd of jolly boys,
+    All romping on the lea;
+  We always make this merry noise,
+    When we return from sea.
+
+  So we go round and round and round,
+    Because we've come ashore;
+  For Topsy Turvey we are bound,
+    So round again once more.
+
+  Go in and out of the coppice,
+    Go in and out at the door;
+  And do not wake the poppies,
+    Who want to have a snore.
+
+It was too ridiculous; they could recognise every animal they had read
+about in Ęsop, and they were all behaving in a manner they little
+dreamed could be possible, out of a Night-mare. But it certainly was not
+a Night-mare, though they could distinguish several horses and ponies.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+They never seemed to stop in their games, and even the Ants and the
+Gnats were playing--and above all a game of football,--though as some
+played according to Association and some to Rugby rules, of course it
+was rather perplexing to the on-lookers. When they grew tired of
+watching the Animal World enjoying their holiday, they turned to consult
+King Ęsop, but to their astonishment, he was not near them--he had
+vanished! And when they turned round the other way the Animals had
+vanished too, and they were quite alone. Indeed everything seemed to
+disappear, even the light that had been their guide so long, and they
+began to tremble with fear and apprehension.
+
+Not a sound was to be heard, and darkness gradually fell around them.
+They held each other by the hand, and determined to go forward, but to
+their dismay they could not move! They were glued to the earth. They
+tried to speak, but their tongues stuck to the roofs of their mouths,
+and they were in great distress. "Where, Oh where was the Zankiwank?"
+they wondered in their thoughts. And a buzzing in their ears took up the
+refrain:--
+
+  The Zankiwank, the Zankiwank,
+    Oh where, Oh where is the Zankiwank?
+  He brought us here, and much we fear
+    His conduct's far from Franky-wank!
+  The Zankiwank, the Zankiwank,
+    He has gone to seek the Bletherwitch,
+  Oh the Zankiwank, 'tis a panky prank
+    To leave us here to die in a ditch.
+
+"A telegram, did you say? For me, of course, what an age you have been.
+How is my blushing bride? Let me see--
+
+  '_From the Bletherwitch, Nonsuch Street,
+                        To the Zankiwank, Nodland._
+
+    Forgot my new shoes, and the housemaid's killed the parrot. Put the
+    kettle on.'"
+
+Then the children heard some sobbing sound soughing through the silence
+and they knew that they were saved. Also that the Zankiwank was weeping.
+So with a strong effort Maude managed to call out consolingly,
+"Zankiwanky, dear! don't cry, come and let me comfort you."
+
+But the Zankiwank refused to be comforted. However, he came forward
+muttering an incantation of some sort, and Maude and Willie finding
+themselves free, rushed forward and greeted him.
+
+"Hush, my dears, the Nargalnannacus is afloat on the wild, wild main. We
+must be careful and depart, or he will turn us into something
+unpleasant--the last century or may be the next, as it is close at hand,
+and inexpensive. Follow me to the ship that is waiting in the Bay
+Window, and we will go and get some Floranges."
+
+Carefully Maudie and Willie followed the Zankiwank, each holding on by
+the tails of his coat, glad enough to go anywhere out of the Blackness
+of the Dark.
+
+Soon they found themselves in Window Bay, and climbing up the sides of a
+mighty ship with five funnels and a red-haired captain.
+
+"Quick," called the Captain, "the Nargalnannacus is on the lee scuppers
+just off the jibboom brace. Make all sail for the Straights of
+Ballambangjan, and mind the garden gate."
+
+Then the Zankiwank became the man at the wheel, and the vessel scudded
+before the wind as the two children went off into a trance.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+Part II
+
+The Fairies' Feather and Flower Land
+
+
+                            _Faėry elves,
+  Whose midnight revels, by a forest side
+  Or fountain, some belated peasant sees,
+  Or dreams he sees, while overhead the moon
+  Sits arbitress._
+                                                   MILTON.
+
+
+  _O then I see Queen Mab hath been with you:
+  She is the fairies' midwife; and she comes
+  In shape no bigger than an agate-stone
+  On the fore-finger of an alderman,
+  Drawn with a train of little atomies,
+  Athwart men's noses as they lie asleep._
+                                              SHAKESPEARE.
+
+
+
+
+The Fairies' Feather and Flower Land
+
+
+How long Maude and Willie had been rocking in the cradle of the deep
+they could not tell, nor how long it took them to steam through the
+Straits of Ballambangjan, for everything was exceptionally bleak and
+blank to them. By the way, if you cannot find the Straits of
+Ballambangjan in your Geography or on the Map, you should consult the
+first sailor you meet, and he will give you as much information on the
+subject as any boy or girl need require.
+
+Both children experienced that curious sensation of feeling asleep while
+they were wide awake, and feeling wide awake when they imagined
+themselves to be asleep, just as one does feel sometimes in the early
+morning, when the sun is beginning to peep through the blinds, and the
+starlings are chattering, and the sparrows are tweeting under the eaves,
+outside the window.
+
+They were no longer on the vessel that had borne them away from
+Fableland, and the approach of the Nargalnannacus, a fearsome creature
+whom nobody has yet seen, although most of us may not have heard about
+him.
+
+The obliging Zankiwank was with them, and when they looked round they
+found themselves in a square field festooned with the misty curtains of
+the Elfin Dawn.
+
+"Of course," said the Zankiwank, "this is Midsummer Day, and very soon
+it will be Midsummer Night, and you will see some wonders that will
+outwonder all the wonders that wonderful people have ever wondered both
+before and afterwards. Listen to the Flower-Fairies--not the garden
+flowers, but the wild-flowers; they will sing you a song, while I beat
+time--not that there is any real need to beat Time, because he is a most
+respectable person, though he always contrives to beat us."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Both children would have liked to argue out this speech of the Zankiwank
+because it puzzled them, and they felt it would not parse properly.
+However, as just at that moment the Elfin Orchestra appeared, they sat
+on the grass and listened:--
+
+
+THE ELFIN DAWN.
+
+  This is the Elfin Dawn,
+  When ev'ry Fay and Faun,
+    Trips o'er the earth with joy and mirth,
+  And Pleasure takes the maun.
+  Night's noon stars coyly peep,
+  O'er dale and dene and deep,
+    And Fairies fair float through the air,
+  Love's festival to keep.
+
+      We dance and sing in the Welkin Ring,
+      While Heather Bells go Ding-dong-ding!
+        To greet the Elfin Dawn.
+      The Flower-fairies spread each wing,
+      And trip about with mincing ging,
+        Upon the magic lawn.
+
+  And so we frisk and play,
+  Like mortals, in the day;
+    From acorn cup we all wake up
+  Titania to obey.
+  We never, never die,
+  And this the reason why,
+    Of Fancy's art we are the part
+  That lives eternalie.
+
+      We dance and sing in the Welkin Ring,
+      While Heather Bells go Ding-dong-ding!
+        To greet the Elfin Dawn.
+      The Flower-fairies spread each wing,
+      And trip about with mincing ging,
+        Upon the magic lawn.
+
+"They keep very good time, don't they?" said the Zankiwank to the
+children, who were completely entranced with pleasure and surprise.
+
+"Lovely, lovely," was all they could say.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Every wild flower they could think of, and every bird of the air, was to
+be seen in this beautiful place with the purling stream running down the
+centre, crossed by innumerable rustic bridges, while far away they could
+see a fountain ever sending upward its cooling sprays of crystal water.
+
+"I think I shall spend my honeymoon here," said the Zankiwank. "I have
+already bought a honeycomb for my bride. I am so impatient to have her
+by my side that I have dispatched the Jackarandajam and Mr Swinglebinks
+in a four-wheeled cab to fetch her. When the Bletherwitch arrives I will
+introduce you, and you shall both be bridesmaids!"
+
+"But I can't be a bridesmaid, you know," corrected Willie.
+
+"Oh yes, you can. You can be anything here you like. You only have to
+eat some Fern seeds and you become invisible, and nobody would know you.
+It is so simple, and saves a lot of argument. And you should never argue
+about anything unless you know nothing about it, then you are sure to
+win."
+
+"But," interrupted Maude, "how can you know nothing about anything?"
+
+"'Tis the easiest thing out of the world," said the Zankiwank. "What is
+nothing?"
+
+"Nothing."
+
+"Precisely. Nothing is nothing; but what is better than nothing?"
+
+"Something."
+
+"Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Where is your logic? Nothing is better than
+something! I'll prove it:--
+
+  "Nothing is sweeter than honey,
+  Nothing's more bitter than gall,
+  Nothing that's comic is funny,
+  Nothing is shorter than tall."
+
+"That is nonsense and nothing to do with the case," exclaimed Maude.
+
+"Nonsense? Nonsense? Did you say nonsense?"
+
+"Of course she did," said Willie, "and so do I."
+
+"Nonsense! To me? Do you forget what my name is?"
+
+"Oh, no, nothing easier than to remember it. You are the Great
+Zankiwank."
+
+"Thank you, I am satisfied. I thought you had forgotten. I am not cross
+with you."
+
+Maude and Willie vowed they would not cross him for anything, let alone
+nothing, and so the Zankiwank was appeased and offered to give them the
+correct answer to his own unanswerable conundrum. Do you know what a
+conundrum is though? I will tell you while the Zankiwank is curling his
+whiskers:--
+
+A conundrum is an impossible question with an improbable answer. Think
+it over the next time you read "Robinson Crusoe."
+
+  "Nothing is better than a good little girl;
+  But a jam tart is better than nothing,
+  Therefore a jam tart is better than the best little girl alive."
+
+"What do you think of that?" said the Zankiwank.
+
+"I have heard something like it before. But that is nothing. Anyhow I
+would much rather be a little girl than a jam tart--because a jam tart
+must be sour because it's tart, and a little girl is always sweet,"
+promptly replied Willie, kissing his sister Maude on the nose--but that
+was an accident, because she moved at the wrong moment.
+
+"You distress me," said the Zankiwank. "Suppose I were to try to shoot
+Folly as it flies, and hit a Fool's Cap and Bells instead, what would
+you say?"
+
+"I should say that you had shot at nothing and missed it."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+At this Maude and Willie laughed girlsterously and boysterously, and the
+Zankiwank wept three silent tears in the teeth of the wind and declared
+that nothing took his fancy so much as having nothing to take. So they
+took him by the arm and begged him, as he was so clever and had
+mentioned the name, to take them to Fancy's dwelling-place.
+
+"I think Fancy must dwell amongst the wild flowers--the sweet beautiful
+wild flowers that grow in such charming variety of disorder." Saying
+this, Maude took Willie's hand and urged the Zankiwank forward.
+
+Before the Zankiwank could reply, a company of fairies, all dressed in
+pink and green, leapt from the petals of the flowers and danced forward,
+singing to the buzz of the bees and the breaking note of the
+yellow-ammer with his bright gamboge breast:--
+
+
+WHERE IS FANCY BRED.
+
+  O would you know where Fancy dwells?
+    And where she flaunts her head?
+  Come to the daisy-spangled dells,
+    And seek her in her bed.
+  For Fancy is a maiden sweet,
+    With all a maiden's whims;
+  As quick as thought--as Magic fleet--
+    Like gossamer she skims.
+
+  O seek among the birds and bees,
+    And search among the buds;
+  In babbling brook, in silver seas,
+    Or in the raging floods.
+  Gaze upward to the starry vault;
+    Or ask the golden sun:
+  Though ever you will be at fault
+    Before your task is done.
+
+  O would you know where Fancy dwells?
+    It is not in the flow'rs;
+  It is not in the chime of bells,
+    Nor in the waking hours.
+  It is not in the learnėd brain,
+    Nor in the busy mart;
+  It lives not with the false and vain,
+    But in the tender heart.
+
+As mysteriously as they had appeared, the fairies vanished again, and
+only the rustling of the leaves and the twittering of the birds making
+melody all around, reminded the children that they were on enchanted
+ground. Now and then the bull-frogs would set up a croaking chorus in
+some marshy land far behind, but as no one could distinguish what they
+said it did not matter.
+
+  O to be here for ever,
+  With the fairy band,
+  O to wake up never
+  From this dreamy land!
+  For the humblest plant is weighted
+  With some new perfume,
+  And the scent of the air drops like some prayer
+  And mingles with the bloom.
+  O to be here for ever, and never, never wake.
+
+Was that the music of the spheres they wondered? Somehow it seemed as
+though their own hearts' echo played to the words that fell so soft,
+like a fair sweet tender melody of fairies long ago.
+
+The Zankiwank had left them again, to send another telegram, perhaps,
+and Maude and Willie went rambling through the meadow and down by the
+brook, where they gathered nuts and berries and sat them down to enjoy a
+rural feast.
+
+Tiny elves and fairies were constantly coming and going, some driving in
+wee chariots with ants for horses and oak leaves for carriages. And
+while all the other flowers seemed quite gay and merry in the sunshine,
+the Poppies were nodding their scarlet heads and gently dozing, what
+time some wild Holly Hocks beat to and fro murmuring--
+
+  Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!
+    While the corn is ready to reap.
+  Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!
+    And the lightest hours a-creep.
+  Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!
+    On the edge of the misty deep.
+
+As they lay upon the bank, to their surprise a procession of birds came
+along, the two foremost being fine handsome thrushes, carrying a large
+banner of ivy leaves, on which was inscribed, in letters of red clover,
+the following legend:--
+
+  BEAN-FEAST OF BIRDS
+  FROM LONDON AND
+  THE SUBURBS.
+
+"Fancy," said Maude, "all the birds of London Town come to Fairy-land
+for a change of air!"
+
+"And why not?" asked a saucy Cock-sparrow. "We can't be always singing
+the same song, so we come here for a change of air, and of course when
+we get a change of air we return with new melodies. If you were to Reed
+your books properly you would know that the Pipes of our Organs--our
+vocal Organs--want tuning occasionally."
+
+Then, without any warning, they all struck up a new song, and marvel of
+marvels, instead of merely singing like ordinary birds, they sang the
+words as well. But before giving you the lyric that they voiced so
+melodiously I must tell you the names of some of the birds they saw, and
+if you live in London or any large town you will perhaps know several of
+them by sight, as well as by cognomen. First in the throng were the
+Mistle-Thrushes and the song Thrushes; the Redwing and the Fieldfare,
+the Blackbird and the Redstart, and the Redbreast with faithful Jenny
+Wren; the large family of Titmouse and the merry Chiff-chaff, with his
+pleasant little song of "Chiff-chaff; chiff-chaff; chiv-chave." The
+humoursome Wagtails and that rare visitant the Waxwing, hopped along
+together, followed by the Swallows and the Martins, and a whole posse of
+Finches of various orders, particularly the Chaffinches who were joking
+with the Linnets.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Then came the noisy Starlings, the Magpies and the Sparrows chattering
+incessantly and evidently talking scandal. The sly Jackdaws and the
+Ravens looking as sleek as Sunday Sextons, but evidently plotting
+mischief, were also present, in close proximity to the Rooks and the
+Crows, who were well able to take care of their own caws. Afterwards
+came the Swifts and the Larks up to all sorts of games. A few
+Woodpeckers joined their feathered friends, and one Cuckoo was there,
+because Willie heard him, but he kept somewhere in the background as
+usual. Owls and Bats and Millards with Wigeons and Pigeons brought up
+the rear with a few Plovers, including the Lapwing. Jack Snipe came
+tumbling after in a hurry, with a stranger called the Whimbrel and a
+Puffin out of breath. There were other birds as well, but I don't think
+you would know them if I mentioned them. Maude and Willie did not, and
+they were quite authorities on ornithology, and perhaps you are not.
+
+
+THE SONG OF THE BIRDS.
+
+  We are the birds of London Town,
+    Come out to take the air,
+  To change our coats of grey and brown,
+    And trim our feathers rare.
+
+  For London fogs so very black
+    Our tempers disarrange,
+  And so we skip with piping trip,
+    To have our yearly change.
+
+        Pee wit! Tu! whoo!
+          How do you do?
+        Tweet! tweet! chip! chip!
+        Chiff! chaff! chiff chay!
+        Weet wee! weet weet! sweet way!
+                      Cuckoo!
+
+  We sing our songs in London Town,
+    To make the workers gay;
+  And seeds and crumbs they throw us down--
+    'Tis all we ask as pay.
+
+  We make them think of fields all green
+    And long-forgotten things;
+  Of far-off hopes and dreams a-sheen
+    And love with golden wings.
+
+        Pee wit! Tu! whoo!
+          How do you do?
+        Tweet! tweet! chip! chip!
+        Chiff! chaff! chiff chay!
+        Weet wee! weet weet! sweet way!
+                      Cuckoo!
+
+After this very entertaining song each bird stood on one leg, spread one
+wing, and joined partners for one of the prettiest dances you ever saw.
+It was called the Birds' Quadrille, and was so charmingly executed that
+even the flowers left their beds and borders to look on--the fairies
+peeping meanwhile from the buds to join in the general enjoyment. The
+voices of the flowers were lifted in gentle cadences to the rhythm of
+the feathered dancers' featly twists and turns.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+How happy the children felt in this beautiful place with all Nature
+vieing to show her sweetest charms. And how rich and rare were the gems
+of foliage and tree and humble creeping plants. How easy to forget
+everything--but joy--in this fairy paradise that Fancy so deftly
+pictured for them! Could there be anything sad in Flower Land? They
+could not believe it possible, and yet when a tiny little fairy stepped
+from a cluster of wild flowers and sang them the song of the Lily and
+the Rose, diamond tears stole down the cheeks of the little lass and the
+little lad.
+
+
+THE ROSE AND THE LILY.
+
+  A tender Rose, so pretty and sleek,
+    Loved a Lily pure and white;
+  And paid his court with breathings meek--
+    Watching o'er her day and night.
+  While the Lily bowed her virgin head,
+    The Rose his message sent;
+  The Lily clung to her lover red,
+    And gave her shy consent.
+
+        The Violets cooed, and the Hare-bells rang,
+          And the Jasmine shook with glee;
+        While the birds high in the branches sang,
+          "Forget not true to be."
+
+  Dear Flora came the wedding to see,--
+    The Cowslips had decked the bride,
+  The Red Rose trembled so nervously--
+    His blushes he could not hide.
+  The Daisies opened their wee white eyes,
+    The Pinks came down in rows;
+  "Forget-me-not!" the Lily cries,
+    "My own, my sweet Moss Rose!"
+
+        The Violets cooed, and the Hare-bells rang,
+          And the Jasmine shook with glee;
+        While the birds high in the branches sang,
+          "O may you happy be!"
+
+  The Flower-fairies were gathered there,
+    And every plant as well,
+  To attend the wedding of this pair
+    So sweet that no pen can tell.
+  But a cruel wind came sweeping by--
+    The Lily drooped and died....
+  Then the Red Rose gave one tearful sigh,
+    And joined his Lily bride.
+
+        The Violets wept, and the Hare-bells sobbed,
+          The Myrtle and Jasmine sighed;
+        The birds were hushed as their hearts all throbbed
+          At the death of the Rose's bride.
+
+Before the children had time to grow too sorrowful, there was a
+fluttering in the air and a rushing among the plants and flowers as the
+Zankiwank bounded into their presence, cutting so many capers that they
+were glad they were not to have mutton for dinner, as certainly all the
+capers would be destroyed.
+
+The Zankiwank was in very high spirits, and gleefully announced that the
+Court of the Fairies, with the Queen, was coming, as Sally who lived in
+somebody's alley had just informed him. Then he burst out singing to a
+tune, which I daresay you all know, the following foolish words:--
+
+  Of all the flowers that are so smart,
+    There's none like Daffydilly!
+  She'd be the darling of my heart,
+    But she has grown so silly!
+  There is no wild flower in the land
+    That's half so tame as Daisy;
+  To her I'd give my heart and hand,
+    But fear I'd drive her crazy!
+
+  And then there is the Cabbage Rose,
+    Also the China Aster;
+  But Buttercup with yellow nose
+    Would cause jealous disaster.
+  Forget-me-not, O Violet dear!
+    Primrose, you know my passion!
+  For all the plants afar--anear
+    I court in flowery fashion!
+
+"Oh, please be serious!" cried Willie. "_What_ is the matter with you,
+Mr Zankiwank?"
+
+You will perceive that Willie and Maude were quite at home in their new
+surroundings, and nothing seemed to surprise them one whit, not even the
+unexpected which they constantly anticipated.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+The Zankiwank only asked permission to send one more telegram to the
+Bletherwitch, and then he condescended to inform them that Queen Titania
+was about to pay a visit to the Flowers and the Birds, and sure enough,
+before he had done speaking, Titania arrived all the way from Athens,
+with a full train of fairies and elves, accompanied by a fairy band
+playing fairy music. Robin Goodfellow skipped in advance, while
+Peaseblossom, Cobweb, Moth, and Mustard-seed attended on the lovely
+Queen.
+
+"Indeed, indeed this must be a Midsummer Night's Dream!"
+
+"Indeed and indeed then it is," mocked the impudent Robin Goodfellow.
+"The fairies are not dead yet; and they never will die while good little
+girls and boys, and poets with sweet imaginations, live. But quick, let
+not the Queen see you! Eat of these Fern Seeds and you will become
+invisible even to the fairies. They are special seeds of my own growing
+and warranted to last as long as I choose."
+
+So Maude and Willie ate of the Fern Seeds and became invisible, even to
+the Zankiwank, who was dreadfully distressed and went about calling them
+by name. In a spirit of mischief Willie pinched his exceedingly thin
+legs, making him jump as high as an April rain-bow, and causing him to
+be called to order by the Court Usher.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"And now," said Titania, waving her wand and calling the Flowers and
+Birds to her Court, "let the Jackdaw sing his well-known War Song."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"If you please, your majesty, I have left the music at home and
+forgotten the words," pleaded the Jackdaw.
+
+"Very well, then sing it without either or you shall not have a new
+coat until the Spring."
+
+So the Jackdaw stepped forth and sang as below, while the Rook
+irreverently cleared his throat above for his friend, and cried "Caw!
+Caw!"
+
+
+THE JACKDAW'S JEST.
+
+  If peaches grew on apple trees,
+    And frogs were made of glass;
+  And bulls and cows were turned to bees,
+    And rooks were made of grass;
+  If boys and girls were made of figs,
+    If figs were made of dates,
+  Upon the sands they'd dance like grigs
+    With bald and oval pates.
+
+  If mortals had got proper sense
+    And were not quite so mad;
+  Their mood would make them more intense,
+    To make each other glad:
+  If only they would understand
+    The things that no one knows,
+  They'd live like fairies in the land,
+    And never come to blows.
+
+"That's a very nice War Song--it's so peaceful and soothing," spake the
+Queen. "And now call the Poets from Freeland. This is the time for them
+to renew their licences, though I greatly fear that they have been
+taking so many liberties of late that any licence I can give them will
+prove superfluous."
+
+"Superfluous! Superfluous! That _is_ a good word," muttered the
+Zankiwank. "I wonder what it means?" Whereupon he went and asked Robin
+Goodfellow and all the other Fairies, but as nobody knew, it did not
+matter, and the Poets arriving at that moment he thought of a number and
+sat on a toadstool.
+
+Maude recognised several of the Poets who came to have their licences
+renewed--she had heard of "poetic licence" before, but never dreamed
+that one had to get the unwritten freedom from Fairyland. But so it was.
+Several of the Poets seemed to be exorbitant in their demands, and
+wanted to make their poems all licence, but this Titania would not
+consent to, so they went away singing, all in tune too, a little piece
+that Robin Goodfellow said was a Rondel:--
+
+  Life is but a mingled song,
+    Sung in divers keys;
+  Sweet and tender, brave and strong,
+    As the heart agrees.
+
+  Naught but love each maid will please
+    When emotions throng;
+    Life is but a mingled song,
+  Sung in divers keys.
+
+  Youth and age nor deem it wrong,
+    Sing with joyous ease,
+  That your days you may prolong
+    Freed from Care's decrees.
+  Life is but a mingled song
+    Sung in divers keys.
+
+So on their way they went rejoicing--saying pretty things to the
+fairies, the flowers and the birds, for they are their best friends you
+know, and they love all Nature with a vast and all-embracing,
+all-enduring love.
+
+One singer as he went along chanted half-sadly:--
+
+  To tell of other's joys the poet sings;
+    To tell of Love, its sweets and eke its pain;
+  The tenderest songs his magic fancy strings,
+    Of Love, perchance, that he may never gain.
+  Hearts may not break and passion may be weak,
+  But O the grief of Love that dare never speak!
+
+A light-hearted bard then took up the cue and carolled these lines:--
+
+  There's so much prose in life that now and then,
+    A tender song of pity stirs the heart,
+  A simple lay of love from fevered pen,
+    Makes in some soul the unshed tear-drops start.
+  Sing, poets! sing for aye your sweetest strain,
+  For life without its poetry were vain!
+
+Then they all sang together a song of May, although Queen Titania had
+declared that it was Midsummer. Perhaps her Midsummer lasts all the year
+round:--
+
+  When Winter's gone to rest,
+  And Spring is our dear guest;
+    The Merry May, at break of day,
+  Comes in gay garlands drest.
+  The brightest smiles she brings--
+  Of sweetest hopes she sings
+    And trips a-pace with dainty grace
+  And lightest fairy wings.
+
+  Joy is the song all Nature sighs,
+  Love is the light in maidens' eyes,
+    May is love alway:
+  The budding branch and nodding tree
+  Join in the revels and bow with glee
+    To greet the Virgin May.
+
+  While songsters choose and mate,
+  And woo their brides in state,
+    The youth and maid stroll through the glade
+  The birds to emulate!
+  Then comes the Queen of May,
+  To hold her court and sway,
+    While gallant blades salute the maids,
+  And whisper secrets gay.
+
+  Love is the song all Nature sighs,
+  While peace gleams in each maiden's eyes,
+    Youth is for joy alway!
+  The laughing rose and lily fair
+  Their fragrance shed upon the air,
+    As though 'twere ever May.
+
+As the Poets went on their happy way, the last one to depart turned to
+where Maude was standing, and though he could not possibly see her, said
+gently:--
+
+  O grant you, little maiden, your thoughts be aye sincere,
+    Your dreams turn into actions,
+  Your pleasures know no sear:
+    Your life be flowers and sunshine,
+  Your days be free from tear.
+
+How happy it made her! And what beautiful things these poets always
+thought of and said!
+
+"Now, Peaseblossom and Mustard Seed, you may sing that little song that
+I made for you when we were floating up near the Moon, and then we shall
+soon have to depart as we have so many calls to make this Midsummer
+Night."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Neither Willie nor Maude could understand how it could be Midsummer
+Night, because Midsummer Day was such a long way off--quite six weeks,
+for this was only yet the month of May. But they did not say anything,
+because Robin Goodfellow was looking at them, and they knew they were
+invisible, because they could not even feel themselves--which is a
+curious sensation, when you come to think of it.
+
+Now, this is the song that Peaseblossom and Mustard Seed sang together
+in unison--the fairies, led by Robin Good fellow, joining in the
+chorus:--
+
+
+WILL YOU WALK INTO THE GARDEN.
+
+  Will you walk into the garden?
+    Said the Poppy to the Rose,
+  Your tender heart don't harden,--
+    Do not elevate your nose.
+  For the Gilly-flower has sent us
+    All because of your perfume,
+  And the Box a case has lent us,
+    To make a little room.
+
+        So Rosey! Rosey! sweet little posy
+          Come to our garden fźte,
+        And our little Cock-roaches will lend you their coaches,
+          So that you mayn't be late.
+
+  All the Waterblinks are waiting,
+    Just beneath the Dogwood's shade;
+  While the Teazle's loudly prating
+    To the Madder's little maid!
+  The old Cranberry grows tartish
+    All about a Goosefoot Corn,
+  But the Primrose, dressed quite smartish,
+    Will explain it's but a thorn.
+
+        So Rosey! Rosey! sweet little posy
+          Come to our garden fźte;
+        Our naughty young nettles shall be on their fettles,
+          All stinging things to bate.
+
+  Now for tea there's Perrywinkles
+    And some Butterwort and Sedge,
+  House-leeks and Bird's-nest-binkles,
+    With some Sundew from the hedge,
+  There is Sorrel, Balsam, Mallow,
+    Some Milk Wort and Mare's Tail too,
+  With some Borage and some Sallow,
+    Figworts and Violets blue.
+
+        So Rosey! Rosey! sweet little posy,
+          Come to our garden fźte,
+        And the Iris and Crocus shall sing us and joke us
+          Some humorous things sedate.
+
+"That's all very well," exclaimed the Zankiwank. "Roses are always
+delightful, especially the Cabbage Roses, because you can eat them for
+breakfast, but every rose has its drawback.... Ho! and it's thorn," he
+added, dancing with pain, for at that moment several rose bushes he was
+passing by gave him a good pricking.
+
+"Ah!" said Queen Titania, "that is not the way to look at the beautiful
+things of life. It is because the thorns have roses that we should be
+thankful, and not find fault because the roses have thorns."
+
+"That is a sentiment that I can endorse--it is a true bill, and almost
+as good as one of my own," replied Robin Goodfellow saucily; "and now
+let us wander through the Florange grove and gather some Moranges and
+Lemons."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Neither Maude nor Willie had heard of Floranges or Moranges, and
+wondered what sort of fruit they could be, when their attention was
+drawn once more to Queen Titania and her court of fairies, who were all
+seated beneath the greenwood tree eating puddings and pies that Mustard
+Seed and Peaseblossom and Cobweb were making for them, chanting, as they
+cooked the pastry by the fire of their own eloquence, this doggerel:--
+
+  First you take a little orange,
+    And you squeeze out all the pips;
+  Then you add a crimson florange,
+    Which you cut up into chips.
+  Then you stir them in a porringe,
+    With your tiny finger tips;
+  And you have the finest morange
+    Ever known to mortal lips.
+
+How Willie and Maude longed to taste a morange! The Zankiwank evidently
+enjoyed the one he had, for he said it tasted just like mango, ice
+cream, blackberries and plum tart all mixed up together, so that it must
+have been nice.
+
+After the feast Titania said she must be going, as she felt certain
+that there were some invisible mortals present. She could hear them
+breathing! At this Robin Goodfellow grew nervous, and the children got
+frightened lest the Queen should discover and punish them for their
+temerity.
+
+  "Where Christmas pudding's bliss
+    'Tis folly to eat pies,"
+
+cried Robin Goodfellow to divert attention and the fairies at the same
+time, but the Queen was not satisfied, and ordered a special dress train
+to carry them away again.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+At this moment the two children tumbled off nothing into a vacant space,
+making the Zankiwank scream out--"It must be the Bletherwitch in the
+clutches of the Nargalnannacus." But it wasn't, and if it had not been
+for Robin Goodfellow's presence of mind, I am sure I do not know what
+would have happened. That lively rascal, however, guessing that he had
+used the wrong seeds, at once stepped forward, and taking Maude and
+Willie each by the hand, boldly presented them to Her Majesty as being
+favoured mortals who were friends of the Zankiwank, and so the Queen
+received them and asked them more questions than you could find in any
+school book. None of which they answered, because when they turned round
+the Queen and all her court had vanished, and only the Zankiwank was to
+be seen.
+
+The Zankiwank took no notice of them whatever, and behaved just as
+though he could not see them. They called him by name without arousing
+his attention, for he was once more writing a telegram, only he did not
+know where to send it. In the distance Maude could hear the sound of
+voices, and she declared she could recognise the Queen singing, though
+Willie said it must have been her imagination because he could not.
+However, this is what Maude said she heard:--
+
+  Dear little maid, may joy be thine
+    As through your life you go;
+  Let Truth and Peace each act design,
+    That Hope turn not to woe.
+
+  Dream if you will in maiden prime,
+    But let each dream be true;
+  For idle hopes waste golden time,
+    That won't return to you.
+
+  In after years when ways divide,
+    And Love dispels each tear,
+  Know in some breast there will abide
+    A thought for you sincere.
+
+  So strive, dear maid, to play your part,
+    With noble aim and deed;
+  Let sweetness ever sway your heart,
+    And so I give you speed.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+While Maudie was pondering over the meaning of these words, she was
+suddenly lifted off her feet, and, when she recovered from the shock,
+found herself with Willie in a balloon, while down below the Zankiwank
+was fondly embracing the Jackarandajam, who had just arrived with a
+whole army of odd-looking people, including Jack-the-Giant-Killer, Tom
+Thumb, Blue Beard, and all his wives, with Sister Anne, Dick
+Whittington, and his black cat, and Tom Tiddler, and about three
+thousand four hundred and five goblins and sprites, who all commenced
+running a race up and down the valley from which they were fast
+speeding.
+
+"Keep the pot a-boiling; keep the pot a-boiling," bawled the Zankiwank,
+and away they all went again, helter skelter, in and out, and up and
+down, like skaters on a rink.
+
+Gradually the balloon altered its course, and instead of going up it
+went straight ahead to a large inpenetrable wall that seemed to threaten
+them with destruction; while, to the annoyance of both Maude and Willie,
+they could hear the revellers down below dancing and singing as though
+they were in no jeopardy. And if the words had been correct they would
+have declared that it was the Mariners of England who were singing their
+own song:--
+
+  You sleepy little mortals,
+    High up in a balloon,
+  You soon will pass the portals,
+    Beyond the crescent moon.
+  Then Shadowland will come in view,
+    A dream within a dream;
+      So keep in your sleep
+        While we keep up the steam;
+      While the midnight hours are all a-creep,
+        And we are all a-beam.
+
+  The spirits of the fairies
+    This eve are very bright,
+  For in your nest the mare is
+    Who only rides by night.
+  Into a magic sphere you go,
+    A dream within a dream.
+      So keep in your sleep,
+        While we keep up the steam,
+      For Shadow Land is deep and steep,
+        And we are all a-beam.
+
+With a bump, and a thump, and a jump, the balloon burst against the
+wall, and Maude and Willie felt themselves dropping, dropping, dropping,
+until the Zankiwank bounced up and caught them both in his arms, saying
+as he rushed forward:--
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"Quick, the gates are only open for five seconds once a week, and if we
+don't get inside at once we shall be jammed in the door-way."
+
+So into Shadow Land they tumbled as the porter mumbled and grumbled and
+shut the gate with a boom and a bang after them.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+Part III
+
+A Visit to Shadow Land
+
+
+  _Swift as a shadow, short as any dream;
+  Bright as the lightning in the collied night,
+  That, in a spleen, unfolds both heaven and earth,
+  And ere a man hath power to say "Behold!"
+  The jaws of darkness do devour it up:
+  So quick bright things come to confusion._
+                                                          SHAKESPEARE.
+
+
+  _There's a crushing and a crashing--there's a flaring and a flashing,
+  There's a rushing and a dashing, as if crowds were hurrying by--
+  There's a screaming and a shouting, as a multitude was routing,
+  And phantom forms were flouting the blackness of the sky,
+  And in mockery their voices are lifted wild and high,
+    As they lilt a merry measure while they fly._
+                                                        J. L. FORREST.
+
+
+
+
+A Visit to Shadow Land
+
+
+"This," cheerily explained the Zankiwank, "is Shadow Land, where
+everything is mist, though nothing is ever found, because nothing is
+ever lost, for you cannot lose nothing unless you have nothing to gain.
+Consequently I shall leave you to find out everything else," with which
+nonsensical introduction the Zankiwank caught hold of the wings of a
+house, sprang on to the gables, and flew down the nearest chimney,
+followed by all the dancers they had seen below, including the
+Jackarandajam and all the residents from Story-Book Land of whom you can
+think. But if you cannot think of all of them yourself, ask your sisters
+to think for you.
+
+It certainly was a Land of Shadows, where revolving lights like flashes
+from a lighthouse sent all sorts of varying rays right through the
+mists, presenting to them a fresh panorama of views every other minute
+or so. The shadows danced all through the place, which seemed like a
+large plateau or table-land, near a magnificent stretch of ocean which
+they could see before them with ships passing to and fro incessantly.
+And all the time, goblins, hob, nob and otherwise, red, blue, and green,
+kept rushing backwards and forwards, sometimes with a whole school of
+children following madly in their wake. Such a dashing and a crashing
+was never seen or heard before, and as each creature carried his shadow
+with him, you can just imagine what a lot of lights and shades there
+must have been. Occasionally there would be a slight lull in the
+excitement, and the racing and the rushing would cease for awhile. Each
+time that there was a pause in the seemingly endless races, a quaint
+round-faced little person, dressed in short petticoats, sky blue
+stockings and a crimson peaked hat, stepped from Nowhere in particular,
+and either sang a song herself or introduced a small girl spirit, or
+boy spirit, who did so for her.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+The first time, she descended on to the plateau on a broom, and
+introduced herself by throwing a light from the magic lantern which she
+carried, on to a sheet of water which she unfolded, and thereon appeared
+this announcement:--
+
+  I AM THE GREAT LITTLE WINNY WEG.
+
+But as neither Willie nor Maude knew what a Winny Weg was, they were
+necessarily compelled to await further developments. However, as none
+came, they listened carefully to her song, which, as far as I can
+remember, was like this:--
+
+
+THE FUNNY LITTLE MAN.
+
+  I am going to tell a story of a little girl I knew,
+  She had a little sweetheart no bigger than my shoe;
+  She used to sit and sew all day--he used to run and play,
+  And when she tried to chide him, this is all that he would say:
+
+  O my! Here's such a jolly spree!
+  Sally Water's coming with Jack Sheppard into tea,
+  She's bringing Baby Bunting with old Mother Hubbard's Dog,
+  And little Jacky Horner with the Roly Poly Frog.
+  O my! it fills my heart with glee!
+  The House that Jack is building isn't big enough for me!
+
+  In time these two got married and they took a little house,
+  And soon a tiny baby came, no bigger than a mouse;
+  But still the little husband played at skipping rope and top
+  With all the little girls and boys, and drank their ginger-pop.
+
+  O my! this funny little Sam
+  Thought the world was bread and cheese, and all the trees were jam;
+  He stood his baby on its head, and played at shuttlecock,
+  And then he rocked himself to sleep with cakes of almond-rock.
+  O my! he was a sniggadee!
+  He went to bed at one o'clock and rose at half-past three.
+
+  Now once they gave a party, and sweet Cinderella came
+  With Blue Beard and Red Riding Hood and little What's-His-Name;
+  And Nelly Bly who winked her eye and Greedy Tommy Stout,
+  Bo-Peep and Tam O'Shanter, and likewise Colin Clout.
+
+  O my! it was a jolly spree!
+  Ev'ry one from Fairy Land and Fiddle Faddle Fee,
+  And Mary brought her Little Lamb, from which they all had chops,
+  While Puck and Cupid served them with some hot boiled acid drops.
+  O my! it was a happy spread,
+  They all sat down on toadstools and in mushrooms went to bed.
+
+  As time went on, and he grew grey, he took to flying kites,
+  And then he took to staying out so very late o' nights!
+  One day he thought he was a bird and flew up in the air,
+  And if you listen you will hear singing now up there:--
+
+  O my! I'm such a funny Coon,
+  I'm going to get some green cheese away up in the Moon;
+  I'm going to see the Evening Star, to ask him why he blinks,
+  Also the Sun to ascertain about the things she thinks.
+  O my! I feel so gay and free,
+  I'm going to call on Father Time and then return to tea.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+The two children were so absorbed in listening to this rhyming rigmarole
+that they did not observe the Winny Weg depart, though, when they came
+to think of it, the last verse was sung in the clouds, and presumably
+by the Funny Little Man himself, and they quite longed for him to pay
+them a call. But he didn't, so the goblins started off once more on
+their wild career, this time on horseback, making such a hammering and a
+clattering as almost to deafen them.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Quickly in the rear of the white horses and the spirits, who all wore
+little round caps with tassels at the top, came a procession of
+dolls--wax dolls, wooden dolls, and saw-dust dolls, very finely dressed,
+with here and there a doll who had lost a leg, or an arm, or a head,
+while some were quite cripples, and had to be carried by a train of tiny
+girls in very short frocks and very long sashes. At the head of these
+appeared the Winny Weg again, and just as they were vanishing in the
+shadows, a regular shower of broken dolls came down in dreadful
+disorder, causing the children to break from their ranks to gather up
+their property, as the dolls, it was evident, were their own old
+companions which they had discarded when new ones were given to them.
+One particularly disreputable doll, with a broken nose and a very
+battered body, was claimed by the prettiest child of all, and as she
+picked it up, she stepped into the centre of a ring formed by her
+school-fellows, and recited to them this pathetic poem:--
+
+
+THE UNFORTUNATE DOLL.
+
+  O poor Dolly! O pitty sing!
+    An' did um have a fall?
+  Some more tourt plaster I must bling
+    Or else oo'll squeam and squall!
+  I never knew a doll like oo--
+    Oo must have been made yong;
+  I don't fink oo were born twite new--
+    Oo never have been stwong!
+
+  I held oo to the fire one day
+    To make oose body warm;
+  And melted oose poor nose away--
+    And then oo lost oose form.
+  Yen some yude boy, to my surplise,
+    Said oo had dot a stwint;
+  And yen he painted both oose eyes
+    And wapped oo up in lint.
+
+  Your yosey cheeks were nets to fade,
+    Oose blush bedan to do;
+  And now I'm welly much aflaid
+    Oose lost oose big yight toe.
+  Oose left leg is no longer left,
+    Oose yight arm's left oo too;
+  And of your charm oo is beyeft,
+    And no doll tums to woo!
+
+  And oose a hollow little fing,
+    Oose saw-dust has yun out;
+  Your stweak is gone, oo cannot sing,
+    Oose lips tan't form a pout.
+  Oose hair is dyed, an' all is done,
+    Oose ears are in oose neck;
+  An' so my Dolly, darling one,
+    Oo _is_ a fearful weck.
+  It is too bad--I loved oo so--
+    That oo should die so soon,
+  An' to the told, told drave must do
+    This velly afternoon!
+
+[Illustration]
+
+After this affecting recital they all took out their "hankelwiches," as
+the owner of the Unfortunate Doll said, and placing themselves in line,
+they followed, as mourners, the remains of the deceased doll to the end
+of a back garden, which some of the goblins had brought in with them.
+Then everything faded away again, and more shadows danced on the land
+and the sea, until nothing was to be seen but the galloping sprites and
+the Winny Weg, who was dancing in a corner all by herself.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A pink light now burst through the haze, the goblins rode off, and a
+perfect fairy-land nursery was unfolded before Maude and Willie, who
+were reclining peacefully on a golden couch with silver cushions. They
+had no desire to talk, but were content to drink in all that they saw
+rapturously and silently. The nursery was crowded, wee baby-kins were
+crawling about everywhere, with a dozen coy cupid-like dots with bows
+and arrows. And right away at the back a beautiful garden was disclosed,
+in which happy young couples were seen perambulating arm-in-arm, talking
+soft nothings to each other. Meanwhile the crawling babies in the
+Universal Nursery began to stand up; and then commenced such a game of
+leap-frog by these tiny mites, that made even the Cheshire Cat smile. It
+was so funny to hear these dots call out to each other to tuck in their
+"tuppennies," and to see them flying, without stopping to take breath,
+over each other's backs. Even the little pink and blue cupids laughed
+until the babies crept back to their cribs once more, and were rocked
+off to sleep as the Winny Weg waved her wand, and an unseen choir of
+little girls and boys was heard singing this Lullaby:--
+
+
+O WE ARE SO SLEEPY!
+
+  O we are so sleepy!
+    Blinky, winky eyes:
+  Why are you so peepy
+    Ere the twilight dies?
+  See! the dustman calleth
+    As the shadows creep;
+  Eve's dark mantle falleth,
+    And we long to sleep.
+
+        To sleep! To sleep!
+          O we are so sleepy!
+            Blinky, winky eyes:
+          Why are you so peepy
+            Ere the twilight dies?
+
+  O we are so sleepy:
+    Nodding is each head,
+  Playing at bo-peepy,
+    Now the day is sped.
+  Birdies in their nesties
+    Rest in slumber deep;
+  Nodland's full of guesties
+    When we go to sleep.
+
+        To sleep! To sleep!
+          O we are so sleepy!
+            Blinky, winky eyes:
+          Why are you so peepy
+            When the twilight dies?
+
+The slight mist that had descended went up just like a gauze curtain,
+bringing into view again the lovely garden reposing in the rear in a
+beautiful green bath of light.
+
+Then the merry Winny Weg caught hold of the cupids and incited them to
+dance a slow gavotte, and as they danced they warbled lusciously:--
+
+
+CUPID'S GARDEN.
+
+  O chaste and sweet are the flowers that blow
+    In Cupid's Garden fair;
+  Shy Pansies for thoughts in clusters grow,
+    And Lilies pure and rare.
+  Violets white, and Violets blue,
+    And budding Roses red,
+  With Orange-bloom of tend'rest hue
+    Their fragrance gently spread.
+
+Other voices, which seemed to belong to the lads and lasses in the
+garden, joined in the chorus:--
+
+        Love is born of the Lily and Rose,
+          Love in a garden springs;
+        With maidens pure and bright it grows,
+          And in all hearts it sings.
+
+  Love lies Bleeding with Maiden's Blush,
+    Sighing Forget-me-not;
+  While the Gentle Heart with crimson flush
+    Peeps from its cooling grot.
+  And Love lies dreaming in idleness
+    To gain its own Heart's-Ease;
+  The Zephyrs breathe with shy caress,
+    Each youthful breast to please.
+
+        Love is born of the Lily and Rose,
+          Love in a garden springs;
+        With maidens pure and bright it grows,
+          And for all hearts it sings.
+
+How delicious and soothing Shadow Land was! Shadow Land! The Land of
+Yesterday, To-Day and To-morrow. The Land of Hope, and Joy and Peace.
+The two children wandered off, as it were, into a dream for a time, and
+when they gazed again, the garden was more delightful than ever--a
+joyous blend of Spring and Summer seemed to invade the grounds, while
+many of the flowers and trees showed slight signs of Autumn tinting. In
+one corner of the garden a magnificent marble and bronze fountain
+unexpectedly sprang up through the ground and played unceasingly to the
+ethereal skies. Merry children danced and played around its base, and
+lovers young and old promenaded affectionately up and down the
+innumerable groves, stopping now and then to offer each other a draught
+of the sparkling water that fell so deliciously into the amber cups.
+
+There were no shadows now. All was bright and glorious; sunlight and
+pleasure reigned supreme. From the clouds unseen singers sang softly to
+the people as they passed and repassed, and this was the story of their
+song:--
+
+  In a garden stood a fountain,
+    Sparkling in the noon-day sun,
+  Rising like a crystal mountain--
+    Never ceasing--never done!
+  Happy children came there playing,
+    Laughing in their frolic glee;
+  'Mong the flow'rs and brambles straying,
+    Tasting life's sweet ecstasy.
+
+              O fountain pure and bright,
+                Dance in the joyous sun;
+              And sparkle in your might,
+                Until all life is done.
+
+  In the summer came the lovers,
+    Plighting troth beneath its shade;
+  Warm heart's secret each discovers--
+    Happy youth and happy maid!
+  Plays the fount so soft and featly
+    In the breeze of waning day,
+  As the lovers whisper sweetly,
+    "I will love you, love alway."
+
+              O fountain pure and bright,
+                Dance in the joyous sun;
+              And sparkle in your might
+                Until all life is done.
+
+  In the winter, cold and dreary,
+    Cease the waters in their play;
+  But the lovers, grey and weary,
+    Seek the tryst of yesterday!
+  Time and tide flow on for ever,
+    Heedless of man's joy or pain;
+  But beyond the tideless river
+    Trusting hearts will meet again.
+
+              O fountain pure and bright,
+                Dance in the joyous sun;
+              And sparkle in your might,
+                Until all life is done.
+
+The voices faded and died away; the scene changed and a purple curtain
+descended, hiding everything and everybody except the Winny Weg. An
+extraordinary commotion outside warned the half-dozing children that a
+fresh flight of goblins might be expected. And sure enough in stalked an
+army of giants from one side, who were met by an army of dwarfs from the
+other, the latter on stilts. But the curious thing about them was that
+the giants had only got one eye, which was stuck on the ends of their
+noses, while the dwarfs had their eyes where their ears ought to be, and
+their ears in the place usually reserved for the eyes. Besides which
+they each had a large horn fixed in the middle of their foreheads.
+
+Both armies expressed surprise at seeing each other, the leaders of
+which said quite calmly, as though they were asking one another to have
+a penny bun cut up in four between them--both said quite calmly--
+
+"I suppose we must fight now we have met?"
+
+Upon hearing this the Winny Weg mounted her broom-stick and flew up out
+of harm's way.
+
+And then commenced the most terrible battle ever seen on land or sea.
+They fought with penknives and darning-needles, the battle lasted half
+an hour, and only one stilt was injured. So they began again, using coal
+scuttles and tongs, and the din was so fearful, and the giants and the
+dwarfs got so mixed up that a railway train filled with Shadows of the
+Past rushed on and sent both armies flying. Then the shadows deepened
+and deepened, and the lightning flashed, the thunders crashed, the sea
+roared, and a great red cavern opened and swallowed up everything,
+including Maude and Willie, who certainly were not quite awake to what
+was going forward, and all they could recollect of the occurrence was
+that they saw the winkles and the shrimps on the sea-shore playing at
+bowls with the cockles.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+Part IV
+
+The Land of Topsy Turvey
+
+
+  _In the noon of night, o'er the stormy hills
+    The fairy minstrels play;
+  And the strains replete with fantastic dreams,
+    On the wild gusts flit away.
+  Then the sleeper thinks, as the dreamful song
+    On the blast to his slumber comes,
+  That his nose as the church's spire is long,
+    And like its organ hums!_
+                                                     R. D. WILLIAMS.
+
+
+  _Wouldst know what tricks, by the pale moonlight,
+    Are played by one, the merry little Sprite?
+  I wing through air from the camp to the court,
+  From King to clown, and of all make sport,
+    Singing I am the Sprite
+    Of the merry midnight
+  Who laughs at weak mortals and loves the moonlight._
+                                                       THOMAS MOORE.
+
+
+
+
+The Land of Topsy Turvey
+
+
+If Maude and Willie had been in a state of somnolency during their
+sojourn in Shadow Land, they felt themselves very much awake on reaching
+the land of Topsy Turvey. They knew they were in Topsy Turvey Land
+because they were greeted with a jingling chorus to that effect
+immediately they opened their eyes:--
+
+  O this is Topsy Turvey Land,
+  Where ev'ry one is gay and bland,
+    And day is always night.
+  We welcome to all strangers give,
+  For by their custom we must live,
+    Because we're so polite.
+
+  O this is Topsy Turvey Land,
+  And all our goods are in demand,
+    By mortal, fay and sprite.
+  Our novelties are warranted,
+  And through the land their fame is spread,
+    Because we're so polite.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Surely they had been whisked back to Charing Cross again without knowing
+it? The long wide thoroughfare in which the children now found
+themselves was just like one of the main shopping streets in London.
+Some parts reminded them of Regent Street, some of the Strand, and some
+of Oxford Street. Yes, and there was the Lowther Arcade, only somehow a
+little different. It was odd. Toy shops, novelty stores, picture shops,
+and shops of all sorts and sizes greeted them on either hand. Moreover,
+there were the shopkeepers and their assistants, and crowds of people
+hurrying by, jostling the loungers and the gazers; and the one
+policeman, who was talking to a fat person in a print gown who was
+standing at the area steps of the only private house they could see.
+They were wondering what they should do when the policeman cried out:--
+
+"Come along there! Now then, move on!" How rude of him. However, they
+"moved on," and were nearly knocked down by the Zankiwank, who darted
+into the post-office to receive a telegram and to send one in reply.
+
+They followed him, of course; they knew the telegram was from the
+Bletherwitch, and the Zankiwank read it out to them:--
+
+     "Fashions in bonnets changed. Have ordered six mops. Don't
+     forget the cauliflower. Postpone the wedding at once. No
+     cards."
+
+"Now what does that mean," murmured the expectant bridegroom. "My
+Bletherwitch cannot be well. I'll send her some cough lozenges." So he
+wrote a reply and despatched it:--
+
+     "Take some cough drops every five minutes. Have ordered
+     cucumber for supper. Pay the cabman and come by electricity."
+
+"That certainly should induce her to come, don't you think so? She is so
+very sensitive. Well, I must not be impatient, she is exceedingly
+charming when you catch her in the right mood."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Maude scarcely believed that the Bletherwitch could possess so many
+charms, or she would not keep her future husband waiting so long for
+her. But she knew it was useless offering any advice on so delicate a
+subject, so she and Willie begged the Zankiwank to be their guide and to
+show them the Lions of Topsy Turvey, which he readily agreed to do.
+
+And now, as they left the post-office, they turned their attention to
+the shops and were surprised to read the names over the windows of
+several individuals they had already met in the train. For instance, the
+Wimble lived next door to the Wamble, and each one had printed in the
+window a very curious legend.
+
+This is what the Wamble had:--
+
+  GOOD RESOLUTIONS BOUGHT, SOLD
+  AND EXCHANGED.
+
+  A FEW BAD, AND SOME SLIGHTLY DAMAGED,
+  TO BE DISPOSED OF--A BARGAIN.
+
+  _No connection with the business next door._
+
+While the Wimble stated the nature of his wares as follows:--
+
+  BAD RESOLUTIONS BOUGHT, SOLD
+  AND EXCHANGED.
+
+  A FEW GOOD, AND SOME SLIGHTLY INDIFFERENT,
+  TO BE DISPOSED OF--A BARGAIN.
+
+  _No connection with the business next door._
+
+"No connection with the business next door," repeated Willie.
+
+"Why, you told us that they were brothers--twins," indignantly cried
+Maude.
+
+"So they are! So they are! Don't you see they are twins from a family
+point of view only. In business, of course, they are desperately opposed
+to each other. That is why they are so prosperous," explained the
+Zankiwank.
+
+"Are they prosperous? I never heard of such a thing as buying and
+selling Resolutions. How can one buy a Good Resolution?" enquired Maude.
+
+"Or exchange Bad Resolutions," said Willie. "It is quite wicked."
+
+"Not at all. Not at all. So many people make Good Resolutions and never
+carry them out, therefore if there were no place where you could
+dispose of them they would be wasted."
+
+"But Bad Resolutions? Nobody makes Bad Resolutions--at least they ought
+not to, and I don't believe it is true!"
+
+"Pardon me," interrupted the Zankiwank. "If you make a Good Resolution
+and don't carry it out--doesn't it become a Bad Resolution? Answer me
+that."
+
+This, however, was an aspect of the question that had never occurred to
+them, and they were unable to reply.
+
+"It seems to me to be nonsense--and worse than nonsense--for one brother
+to deal in Bad Resolutions and the other in Good Resolutions. Why do not
+they become a Firm and mix the two together?" responded Maude.
+
+"You horrify me! Mix the Good and the Bad together? That would never do.
+The Best Resolutions in the world would be contaminated if they were all
+warehoused under one roof. Besides, the Wimble is himself full of Good
+Resolutions, so that he can mingle with the Bad without suffering any
+evil, while the Wamble is differently constituted!"
+
+The children did not understand the Zankiwank's argument a bit--it all
+seemed so ridiculous. A sudden thought occurred to Willie.
+
+"Who, then, collects the Resolutions?"
+
+"Oh, a person of no Resolution whatever. He commenced life with only one
+Resolution, and he lost it, or it got mislaid, or he never made use of
+it, or something equally unfortunate, and so he was christened Want of
+Resolution, and he does the collecting work very well, considering all
+things."
+
+No doubt the Zankiwank knew what he was talking about, but as the
+children did not--what did it signify? Therefore they asked no more
+questions, but went along the street marvelling at all they saw. The
+next shop at which they stopped was kept by
+
+  JORUMGANDER THE YOUNGER,
+  DEALER IN MAGIC AND MYSTERY.
+
+"Jorumgander the Younger is not of much use now," said the Zankiwank
+sorrowfully. "He chiefly aims at making a mystery of everything, but so
+many people not engaged in trade make a mystery of nothing every day,
+that he is sadly handicapped. And most sensible people hate a mystery of
+any kind, unless it belongs to themselves, so that he finds customers
+very shy. Once upon a time he would get hold of a simple story and turn
+it into such a gigantic mystery that all the world would be mystified.
+But those happy days are gone, and he thinks of turning his business
+into a company to sell Original Ideas, when he knows where to find
+them."
+
+"I don't see what good can come of making a mystery of
+anything--especially if anything is true," sagaciously remarked
+Maude.
+
+"But _anything_ is not true. Nor is _anything_ untrue. There is the
+difficulty. If anything were true, nothing would be untrue, and then
+where should we be?"
+
+"Nowhere," said Willie without thinking.
+
+"Exactly. That is just where we are now, and a very nice place it is.
+There is one thing, however, that Jorumgander the Younger--there he is
+with the pink eye-brows and green nose. Don't say anything about his
+personal appearance. What I was going to say he will say instead. It is
+a habit we have occasionally. He is my grandfather, you know."
+
+"Your grandfather! What! that young man? Why, he is not more than
+twenty-two and three quarters, I'm sure," replied Maude.
+
+"You are right. He _is_ twenty-two and three quarters. You don't quite
+understand our relationships. The boy, as you have no doubt heard, is
+father to the man. Very well. I am the man. When he was a boy on my
+aunt's side he was father to me. That's plain enough. He has grown older
+since then, though he is little more than a boy in discretion still,
+therefore he is my grandfather."
+
+"How very absurdly you do talk, Mr Zankiwank," laughed Willie; "but here
+is your grandfather," and at that moment Jorumgander the Younger left
+his shop and approached them with a case of pens which he offered for
+sale.
+
+"Try my Magic Pens. They are the best in the market, because there are
+no others. There is no demand for them, and few folk will have them for
+a gift. Therefore I can highly recommend them."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"How can you recommend your pens, when you declare that nobody will buy
+them?" demanded Willie.
+
+"Because they are a novelty. They are Magic Pens, you know, and of
+course as nobody possesses any, they must be rare. That is logic, I
+think."
+
+"Buy one," said the Zankiwank, "he has not had any supper yet."
+
+"In what way are they Magic Pens?" enquired Maude.
+
+"Ah! I thought I should find a customer between Michaelmas and May Day,"
+cried Jorumgander the Younger, quite cheerfully. "The beauty of these
+pens is that they never tell a story."
+
+"But suppose you want to write a story?"
+
+"That is a different thing. If you have the ability to write a story you
+won't want a Magic Pen. These pens are only for every-day use. For
+example: if you want to write to your charwoman to tell her you have got
+the toothache, and you haven't got the toothache, the Magic Pen refuses
+to lend itself to telling a--a----"
+
+"Crammer," suggested Willie.
+
+"Crammer. Thank you. I don't know what it means, but crammer is the
+correct word. The Magic Pen will simplify the truth whether you wish to
+tell it or not."
+
+"I do not understand," whispered Maude.
+
+"Let me try to explain," said Jorumgander the Younger politely. "The
+Magic Pen will only write exactly what you think--what is in your mind,
+what you ought to say, whether you wish to or not."
+
+"A very useful article, I am sure," said the Zankiwank. "I gave six
+dozen away last Christmas, but nobody used them after a few days, and I
+can't think why."
+
+"Ah!" sighed Jorumgander the Younger, "and I have had all my stock
+returned on my hands. The first day I opened my shop I sold more than I
+can remember. And the next morning all the purchasers came and wanted
+their money back. They said if they wanted to tell the truth, they knew
+how to do it, and did not want to be taught by an evil-disposed nib. But
+I am afraid they were not speaking the truth then, at any rate. Here,
+let me make you a present of one a-piece, and you can write and tell me
+all about yourselves when you go home. Meanwhile, as the streets are
+crowded, and our policeman is not looking, let us sing a quiet song to
+celebrate the event."
+
+  We sing of the Magic Pen
+    That never tells a story,
+  That in the hands of men
+    Would lead them on to glory.
+  For what you ought to do,
+    And you should all be saying,
+  In fact of all things true
+    This pen will be bewraying.
+
+      So let us sing a roundelay--
+        Pop goes the Weazel;
+      Treacle's four pence a pound to-day,
+        Which we think should please all.
+
+What the chorus had to do with the song nobody knew, but they all sang
+it--everybody in the street, and all the customers in the shops as well,
+and even the policeman sang the last line.
+
+  You take it in your hand
+    And set yourself a-writing;
+  No matter what you've planned,
+    The truth 'twill be inditing.
+  And thus you cannot fail,
+    To speak your mind correctly,
+  And honestly you'll sail,
+    But never indirectly.
+
+      So let us sing a roundelay--
+        Pop goes the Weazel;
+      Treacle's four pence a pound to-day,
+        Which we think will please all!
+
+Again everybody danced and sang till the policeman told them to "move
+on," when Jorumgander the Younger put up his shutters and went away.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"A most original man," exclaimed the Zankiwank; "he ought to have been a
+postman!"
+
+"A postman!--why?"
+
+"Because he was always such a capital boy with his letters. He knew his
+alphabet long before he could spell, and now he knows every letter you
+can think of."
+
+"I don't see anything very original in that," said Willie. "There are
+only twenty-six letters in the English language that he can know!"
+
+"Only twenty-six letters! Dear me, why millions of people are writing
+fresh letters every day, and he knows them all directly he sees them! I
+hope you will go to school some day and learn differently from that!
+Only twenty-six letters," repeated the Zankiwank in wonderment, "only
+twenty-six letters." Then he cried suddenly, "How convenient it would be
+if everybody was his own Dictionary!"
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"That is impossible. One cannot be a book."
+
+"Oh yes, nothing simpler. Let everybody choose his own words and give
+his own meaning to them!"
+
+"What use would that be?" asked Willie.
+
+"None whatever, because if you always had your own meaning you would
+not want anybody else to be meaning anything! What a lot of trouble that
+would save! I'll ask the Jackarandajam to make one for me--why, here he
+is!"
+
+The children recognised the Jackarandajam immediately and shook hands
+with him.
+
+"I am so glad to see you all. I have just been suffering from a most
+severe attack of Inspiration."
+
+"How very inexplicable--I beg your pardon," moaned the Zankiwank. "It is
+a little difficult, but it is, I believe, a strictly proper word--though
+I do not pretend to know its meaning."
+
+The Jackarandajam accepted the apology by gracefully bowing, though
+neither felt quite at ease.
+
+"What is the use of saying things you don't mean?" asked Maude.
+
+"None at all, that is the best of it, because we are always doing
+something without any reason."
+
+To attempt to argue with the Zankiwank Maude knew was futile, so she
+merely enquired how the Jackarandajam felt after his attack of
+Inspiration, and what he took for it.
+
+"Nothing," was the simple rejoinder. "It comes and it goes, and there
+you are--at least most of the time."
+
+"What is Inspiration?" said Willie.
+
+The Zankiwank and the Jackarandajam both shook their heads in a solemn
+manner, and looked as wise as the Sphinx. Then the former answered
+slowly and deliberately--
+
+"Inspiration is the sort of thing that comes when you do not fish for
+it."
+
+"But," said Willie, who did not quite see the force of the explanation,
+"you can't fish for a great many things and of course nothing comes. How
+do you manage then?"
+
+This was a decided poser, beating them at their own game, so the
+Zankiwank sent another telegram, presumably to the Bletherwitch, and the
+Jackarandajam made a fresh cigarette, which he carefully refrained from
+smoking. Then he turned to the two children and said mournfully--
+
+"Have you seen my new invention? Ah! it was the result of my recent
+attack of Inspiration. Come with me and I will show you." Thereupon he
+led the way to a large square, with a nice garden in the centre, where
+all the houses had bills outside to inform the passers by that these
+
+  DESIRABLE REVOLVING RESIDENCES
+  WERE TO BE
+  LET OR SOLD.
+
+"All my property. I had the houses built myself from my own plans. Come
+inside the first."
+
+So they followed the Jackarandajam and entered the first house.
+
+"The great advantage of these houses," he declared, "is that you can
+turn them round to meet the sun at will. They are constructed on a new
+principle, being fixed on a pivot. You see I turn this handle by the
+hall door, and Hey Presto! we are looking into the back garden, while
+the kitchen is round at the front!"
+
+And such was the fact! The house would move any way one wished simply by
+turning the electric handle.
+
+"It is so convenient, you see, if you don't want to be at home to any
+visitor. When you see anyone coming up the garden path, you move the
+crank and away you go, and your visitor, to his well-bred consternation,
+finds himself gazing in at the kitchen window. And then he naturally
+departs with many misgivings as to the state of his health. Especially
+if the cook is taken by surprise. You should never take a cook by
+surprise. It always spoils her photograph."
+
+"Oh dear! Oh dear!" cried Maude, "why will you say such contradictory
+things! I don't see the sense of having such a house at all. It would
+upset things so."
+
+"Besides," chimed in Willie, "you would never have any aspect or
+prospect."
+
+"Are they both good to eat?" said the Jackarandajam, eagerly.
+
+"Of course not. I meant that your house would first be facing the East,
+and then South, and then West, and then North, and what would be the use
+of that?"
+
+"No use whatever. That's why we do it. Oh, but do not laugh. We are not
+quite devoid of reason, because we are all mad!"
+
+"Are you really mad?"
+
+"Yes," was the gay response, "we don't mind it a bit. We are all as
+crooked as a teetotaler's corkscrew! I am glad you do not like the
+Revolving Houses, because I am going to sell them to the Clerk of the
+Weather and his eight new assistants!"
+
+"I did not know the Clerk of the Weather required any assistance,"
+exclaimed Willie, though personally he did not know the Clerk of the
+Weather.
+
+"Oh yes, he must have assistants. He does things so badly, and with
+eight more he will, if he is careful, do them worse."
+
+Here was another one of those contradictions that the children could not
+understand. I hope you can't, because I don't myself, generally. The
+Jackarandajam went on reflectively:--
+
+"It is bound to happen. The Clerk of the Weather has only one
+assistant now, and it takes the two of them to do a Prog--Prog--don't
+interrupt me--a Prog--Prognostication!--phew, what a beautiful
+word!--Prognostication ten minutes now. Therefore it stands to reason,
+as the Sun Dial remarked, that nine could do it in much less time!"
+
+"You will excuse me," halloed the Zankiwank down the next door
+dining-room chimney, "I beg to differ from you. That is to say on the
+contrary. For instance:--If it takes two people ten minutes to do a
+prog--you must fill in the rest yourself--prog--of course, as there are
+so many more to do the same thing, it must take them forty-five
+minutes."
+
+"What a brain," exclaimed the Jackarandajam, ecstatically; "he ought to
+have been born a Calculating Machine. He beats Euclid and that fellow
+named Smith on all points. I never thought of it in the light of
+multiplying the addition."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"More nonsense," observed Willie to Maude. "What does it all mean?" They
+looked out of window and saw the Zankiwank arguing with the Clerk of
+the Weather and the Weather Cock on top of the vane of a large building
+outside. Every minute they expected to see them tumble down, but they
+did not, so to cheer them up the Jackarandajam stood on his head and
+sang them this comic song:--
+
+
+THE CLERK OF THE WEATHER.
+
+  The Clerk of the Weather went out to walk
+    All down Victoria Street;
+  Of late his ways had caused much talk,
+    And chatter indiscreet.
+  So he donned a suit of mingled sleet,
+    With a dash of falling snow,
+  A rainy tie, and a streaky skye
+    Which barked where'er he'd go.
+
+Then, to the surprise of Willie and Maude, the Jackarandajam began to
+dance wildly, while the Weather Cock sang as follows:--
+
+      O cock-a-doodle-doo!
+        The weather will be fine--
+      If it does not sleet or hail or snow,
+      And if it does not big guns blow,
+        And the sun looks out to shine.
+
+The Jackarandajam stood on his head again and sang the second verse:--
+
+  Wrapt up in his thoughts he went along,
+    His manner sad and crossed;
+  With a windy strain he hummed a song,
+    Of thunderbolts and frost.
+  He strode with a Barometrical stride,
+    With forecasts on his brow;
+  Till he tripped up Short upon a slide,
+    Which made him vow a vow.
+
+The Weather Cock at once sang the chorus and the Jackarandajam danced as
+before.
+
+      O Cock-a-doodle-doo!
+        The weather will be fine--
+      If there is no fog, or drenching rain,
+      And thunder does not boom again,
+        And the sun looks out to shine.
+
+Now came the third and last verse:--
+
+  His prophesies got all mixed and mulled,
+    The Moon began to blink;
+  And all his faculties were dulled
+    When he saw the Dog Star wink!
+  And up on the steeple tall and black
+    The Weather Cock he crew!
+  He crew and he crowed till he fell in the road,
+    O cock-a-doodle-doo!
+
+And sure enough the Weather Cock did tumble into the road, and the Clerk
+of the Weather and the Zankiwank tumbled helter skelter after him.
+Immediately they got up again and rushed through the window, and
+catching hold of the children, they whirled them round and round,
+singing the final chorus all together:--
+
+      O cock-a-doodle-doo!
+        The weather will be fine--
+      If lightning does not flash on high,
+      Nor gloomy be the azure sky,
+        And the sun peeps out to shine.
+
+After which they all disappeared except the Zankiwank, and once again
+they found themselves in the street.
+
+"They were both wrong," muttered the Zankiwank to himself, "and yet one
+was right."
+
+"How could they both be wrong then? One was right? Very well. Then only
+one was wrong," corrected Maude.
+
+"No, they were both wrong--because I was the right one after all.
+Besides, you can't always prove a negative, can you?"
+
+"How tiresome of you! You only mentioned two and now say three. I do not
+believe you know what you do mean."
+
+"Not often, sometimes, by accident, you know--only do not tell anybody
+else."
+
+"You are certainly very extraordinary persons--that is all I can say,"
+said Willie. "You do not do anything quite rationally or naturally."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"Naturally. Why should we? We are the great Middle Classes--neither
+alive nor dead. Betwixt and between. Half and half, you know, for now we
+are in the Spirit World only known to poets and children. But do come
+along, or the bicycles will start without us, and we have an appointment
+to keep."
+
+Now, how could one even try to tell such an eccentric creature as the
+Zankiwank that he was all wrong and talking fables and fibs and
+tarra-diddles? Neither of them attempted to correct these erroneous
+ideas, but wondering where they were going next, Maude and Willie
+mounted the bicycles that came as if by magic, and rode off at a
+terrific rate, though they had never ridden a machine before.
+
+They were almost out of breath when the Zankiwank called out "stop," and
+away went the bicycles, and they found themselves standing in front of
+an immense edifice with a sign-board swinging from the gambrel roof, on
+which was painted in large golden letters--
+
+  TIME WAS MEANT FOR SLAVES.
+
+There was no opportunity to ascertain what the sign meant, for all at
+once there darted out of the shop Mr Swinglebinks with whom they had
+travelled from Charing Cross.
+
+"Don't waste your time like that! Make haste, let me have five minutes.
+I am in a hurry."
+
+"Have you got five minutes to spare?" asked the Zankiwank of Maude.
+
+"Oh yes," she replied. "Why?"
+
+"Let me have them at once then. A gentleman left twenty-five minutes
+behind him yesterday and I want to make up half-an-hour for a regular
+customer!" screamed Mr Swinglebinks to the bewildered children.
+
+"But--but--O what do you mean? I have got five minutes to spare and I'll
+devote them to you if you like, but I _can't_ give them to you as though
+they were a piece of toffee," answered Maude with much perplexity, while
+Willie stood awe-struck, not comprehending Mr Swinglebinks in the least.
+
+"Time is a tough customer, you know. He is here, he is there, he is
+gone! He is, he was, he will be. Yet you cannot trap Time, for he is
+like a sunbeam," muttered the Zankiwank as though he never was short of
+Time.
+
+"There, that five minutes is gone--wasted, passed into the vast vacuum
+of eternity! With my friend Shakespeare of Stratford-on-Avon I can tell
+you all about time! 'Time travels in divers paces with divers persons.
+I'll tell you who Time ambles withal, who Time trots withal, who Time
+gallops withal, and who he stands still withal!' Oh, I know Father Time
+and all his tricks. I have counted the Sands of Time. I supply him with
+his Hour Glass. Don't you apprehend me?"
+
+They certainly did not. Mr Swinglebinks was more mystifying than all the
+other persons they had encountered put together. So they made no reply.
+
+"I am collecting Time. Time, so my copy books told me, was meant for
+Slaves. I always felt sorry for the Slaves. They have no Time, you know,
+because it is meant for them. Lots of things are meant for you, only you
+won't get them. Britons never will be Slaves, so they'll never want for
+Time. However, as Time was meant for Slaves, I mean to let them have as
+much as I can. So every spare minute or two I can get, I of course send
+them over to them."
+
+"It is ridiculous. You cannot measure time and cut off a bit like that,"
+ventured Willie.
+
+"Oh yes, you can. A client of mine was laid up the other day--in fact he
+was in bed for a fortnight, so, as he had no use for the time he had on
+hand before him, he just went to sleep and sent ten days round to me!"
+
+"Oh, Mr Zankiwank, what is this gentleman saying?" said Maude.
+
+"It's all perfectly true," answered the Zankiwank. "You often hear of
+somebody who has half an hour to spare, don't you?"
+
+"Of course."
+
+"Very good. Sometimes you will hear, too, of somebody who has lost ten
+minutes."
+
+"I see," said Willie.
+
+"And somebody else will tell you they do not know what to do with their
+Time?"
+
+"Go on," cried both children, more puzzled than ever.
+
+"Well, instead of letting all the Time be wasted, Mr Swinglebinks has
+opened his exchange to receive all the spare time he can, and this he
+distributes amongst those who want an hour or a day or a week. But they
+have to pay for it----"
+
+"Pay for it?"
+
+"Time is money," called out Mr Swinglebinks.
+
+"There you are. If Time is money you can exchange Time for money and
+money for Time. Is not that feasible?"
+
+Did anybody ever hear of such queer notions? Maude and Willie were quite
+tired through trying to think the matter out.
+
+Time was meant for slaves.--Time is money.--Time and Tide
+wait for no man.--Take Time when Time is.--Take Time by the
+forelock.--Procrastination is the thief of Time.--Killing Time is no
+murder.--Saving Time is no crime. As quick as thought Mr Swinglebinks
+exhibited these statements on his swinging sign, one after the other,
+and then he came to them once again.
+
+"Are you convinced now? Let me have a quarter of an hour to send to the
+poor slaves. Time was meant for them, you know, and you are using their
+property without acknowledgment!"
+
+The Zankiwank looked on as wise as an owl, but said nothing.
+
+"Dear me, how you are wasting your time sitting there doing nothing!"
+said Mr Swinglebinks distractedly. "Time is money--Time is money. Give
+me some of the Time you are losing."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"Let us go, Willie," said Maude. "Do not waste any more Time. We have no
+Time to lose, let alone time to spare! Shall we kill Time?"
+
+She had barely finished speaking when Mr Swinglebinks and his Time
+Exchange disappeared, and they were alone with the Zankiwank. But not
+for long, for almost immediately a troop of school children came
+bounding home from school, but children with the oddest heads and faces
+ever seen. They were all carrying miniature bellows in their hands,
+which they were working up and down with great energy.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"Oh, Mr Zankiwank, what is the matter with those children in short
+frocks and knickerbockers? Look at their heads!"
+
+The Zankiwank gazed, but expressed no surprise, and yet the children, if
+they were children, certainly looked very queer, for the boys had got
+aged, care-worn faces with moustaches and whiskers, while the little
+girls, in frocks just reaching to their knees, had women's faces, with
+their hair done up in plaits and chignons and Grecian knot fashion, with
+elderly bonnets perched on the top.
+
+"That," said the Zankiwank, "is the force of habit."
+
+"What habit, please? It does not suit them," said Maude.
+
+"You are mistaken. Good habits become second nature."
+
+"And what do bad habits become?" queried Willie.
+
+"Bad habits," answered the Zankiwank severely, "become no one."
+
+"And these must be bad habits," exclaimed Willie, pointing to the
+children, "for they do not become them."
+
+"I thought their clothes fitted them very well."
+
+"We don't mean their clothes," cried Maude. "We mean their general
+appearance."
+
+"Ah! you are referring to the unnatural history aspect of the case. You
+mean their heads, of course. They do _not_ fit properly. I have noticed
+it myself. It comes of expecting too much, and overdoing it; it is all
+the result of what so many people are fond of doing--putting old heads
+on young shoulders."
+
+So the mystery was out. The old heads were unmistakably on young
+shoulders. And how very absurd the children looked! Not a bit like happy
+girls and boys, as they would have been had they possessed their own
+heads instead of over-grown and over-developed minds and brains. Old
+heads never do look well on young shoulders, and it is very foolish of
+people to think they do. It makes them children of a larger growth
+before their time, and is just as bad as having young heads on old
+shoulders. The moral of which is, that you should never be older than
+you are nor younger than you are not.
+
+"But what are they doing with those bellows?" enquired Willie and Maude
+together.
+
+"Raising the wind," promptly responded the Zankiwank, "or trying to.
+When folk grow old before their time you will generally find that it is
+owing to the bother they had in raising the wind to keep the pot
+boiling."
+
+"But you don't keep the pot boiling with wind," they protested.
+
+"Oh yes you do, in Topsy-Turvey Land, though personally I believe it to
+be most unright!"
+
+"Un--what?" exclaimed Maude.
+
+"Unright. When a thing is wrong it must be unright. Just the same as
+when a thing is right it is unwrong."
+
+While the Zankiwank was giving this very lucid explanation the "Old
+heads on young shoulders" children went sedately and mournfully away,
+just as a complete train of newspaper carts dashed up to a large
+establishment with these words printed outside--
+
+  ATNAGAGDLINTIT RALINGINGINARMIK
+  LUSARUMINASSUMIK.
+
+"Good gracious, what awful looking words! It surely must be Welsh?" The
+two children put the question to the Zankiwank.
+
+"No, that is not Welsh. That is the way the Esquimaux of Greenland
+speak. It is the name of their paper, and means something to read,
+interesting news of all sorts. But in this newspaper they never print
+any news of any sort. They supply the paper to the Topsy-Turveyites
+every morning quite blank, so that you can provide yourself with your
+own news. Being perfectly blank, the editors succeed in pleasing all
+their subscribers."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"Well, I do not see any advantage in that."
+
+"There you go again!" cried the Zankiwank. "You always want something
+with an advantage. What's the use of an advantage, I should like to
+know? You can only lose it. You cannot give it away. Do try to be
+original. But listen, Nobody's coming."
+
+They both looked round wondering what the Zankiwank meant by his strange
+perversities, but could not see anyone.
+
+"We can see Nobody," they said.
+
+"Of course. Here he is!"
+
+Well! Was it a shadow? Something was there without a doubt, and
+certainly without a body. It was a sort of skeleton, or a ghost, or
+perhaps a Mahatma! But it was not a Mahatma--it was in fact Nobody, of
+whom you have of course heard.
+
+"At last, at last!" screamed the delighted Zankiwank, "with your eyes
+wide open and your faculties unimpaired you see NOBODY! And what a
+memory Nobody has!"
+
+"How can Nobody have a memory? Besides, we can see Nobody!" said Maude,
+more perplexed than she had ever been.
+
+"Exactly, Nobody has a charming memory. Memory, as you know, is the
+sense you forget with it!"
+
+"Memory," corrected Willie, "is the sense, if it is a sense, or
+impression you remember with."
+
+"Oh, what dreadful Grammar! Remember with! How can you finish a sentence
+with a preposition? What do you remember with it?" demanded the
+Zankiwank reprovingly.
+
+"Anything--everything you want to," replied Willie.
+
+"Another preposition! Ah, if we could only remember as easily as we
+forget!"
+
+"You are wandering from the subject," suggested Maude. "The subject is
+Nobody, and you have told us nothing about it."
+
+"H'm," said the Zankiwank. "You have confessed that you can see Nobody,
+therefore I will request him to sing you a topical song. Now keep your
+attention earnestly directed towards Nobody and listen."
+
+Knowing from past experience that the Zankiwank would have his own way,
+Maude and Willie, having no one else to think about, thought of Nobody,
+and to their amazement they heard these words sung as from a long way
+off, in a very hollow tone of voice:--
+
+
+NOBODY'S NOTHING TO NOBODY.
+
+  O Nobody's Nothing to Nobody,
+    And yet he is something too;
+  Though No-body's No-Body it yet is so odd he
+    Always finds nothing to do!
+
+  When Nobody does nothing wrong,
+    They say it is the cat;
+  Though Nobody be long and strong
+    And very likely fat.
+  His name is heard from morn till night,
+    He's known in ev'ry place;
+  He does the deeds that are unright,
+    Though no one sees his face.
+
+  Nobody broke the Dresden vase,
+    Nobody ate the cream;
+  Nobody smashed that pipe of pa's,--
+    It happened in a dream.
+  Nobody lost Sophia's doll,
+    Nobody fired Jim's gun;
+  Nobody nearly choked poor Poll--
+    Nobody saw it done!
+
+  Nobody cracks the china cups,
+    Nobody steals the spoons;
+  Nobody in the kitchen sups,
+    Or talks of honeymoons!
+  Nobody courts the parlour-maid,
+    She told us so herself!
+  That Nobody, I'm much afraid,
+    Is quite a tricky elf.
+
+  For Nobody is any one,
+    That must be very clear;
+  Yet Nobody's a constant dun,
+    Though no one saw him here.
+  As Nobody is ever seen
+    In Anybody's shape,
+  Nobody must be epicene
+    And very like an ape!
+
+  For Nobody's Nothing to Nobody,
+    And yet he is something too;
+  Though No-body's No-Body it yet is so odd he
+    Always finds nothing to do!
+
+Just as the song was finished, the Zankiwank cried out in alarm--
+
+"There's Somebody coming."
+
+And Nobody disappeared at once, for the children saw Nobody go!
+
+"And now," said the Zankiwank, "we may expect the Griffin from Temple
+Bar and the Phoenix from Arabia."
+
+A dark shadow enveloped the square in which they were standing; then
+there was a weird perfume of damp fireworks and saltpetre, and before
+any one could say Guy Fawkes, the Phoenix rose from his own funeral pyre
+of faded frankincense, mildewed myrrh, and similar luxuries, and flapped
+his wings vigorously, just as the Griffin jumped off his pedestal, which
+he had brought with him, and piped out--
+
+"Here we are again!"
+
+"Once in a thousand years," responded the Phoenix somewhat hoarsely, for
+he had nearly swallowed some of his own ashes.
+
+The Griffin, as everybody knows, is shaped like an eagle from its legs
+to the shoulder and the head, while the rest of his body is like that of
+a lion. The Phoenix is also very much like an intelligent eagle, with
+gold and crimson plumage and an exceptionally waggish tail. It has the
+advantage of fifty orifices in his bill, through which he occasionally
+sings melodious songs to oblige the company. As he never appears to
+anyone more than once in five hundred years, sometimes, when he has the
+toothache for instance, only once in a thousand years--which is why he
+is called a rara avis--if you ever meet him at any time take particular
+notice of him. And if you can draw, if it is only the long bow, make a
+sketch of him. He lives chiefly on poets--which is why so many refer to
+him. He has been a good friend to the poets of all ages, as your cousin
+William will explain. If you have not got a cousin William, ask some one
+who has.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Not having the gift of speech, neither of them spoke, but they could
+sing, and this is what they intended to say, duet-wise:--
+
+  I am a sacred bird, you know,
+    And I am a Griffin bold;
+  In Arabia the blest
+  We feather our own nest,
+    To keep us from the cold.
+
+  And we're so very fabulous--
+    Oh, that's the Griffin straight!
+  We rise up from the flames,
+  To play old classic games,
+    Like a Phoenix up-to-date!
+
+Then they spread out their wings and executed the most diverting feather
+dance ever seen out of a pantomime.
+
+  I am a watchful bird, you know,
+    And I am a Phoenix smart;
+  From Shakespeare unto Jones--
+  The Welsh one--who intones,
+    We have played a striking part.
+  For we're so very mystical,
+    Both off-springs of the brain;
+  The Mongoose is our _pere_,
+  And the Nightmare is our _mere_,
+    And we thrive on Fiction Plain!
+
+They repeated their dance and then knocked at the door of the nearest
+house and begged pantomimically for money, but as it was washing day
+they were refused. So they went into the cook shop and had some Irish
+Stew, which did not agree with them. Consequently they sprang into the
+hash that was simmering on the fire, and were seen no more. Whereupon
+the Zankiwank looked gooseberrily out of his eyes and murmured as if
+nothing out of the way or in the way had happened, or the Phoenix or the
+Griffin had existed--"The Bletherwitch will send me a telegram to say
+that she will be ready for the ceremony in half-an-hour."
+
+"But where is the Bletherwitch, and how do you know?" asked Maude,
+somewhat incredulously.
+
+"She is being arrayed for the marriage celebration. At present she is in
+Spain gathering Spanish onions."
+
+"But Spanish onions don't come from Spain!"
+
+"You are right. It is pickled walnuts she is gathering from the Boot
+Tree in the scullery. However, that is of no consequence. Let us be
+joyful as befits the occasion. Who has got any crackers?"
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Before any reply could be given a voice in the air screamed
+out:--"Beware of the Nargalnannacus!" At which the Zankiwank
+trembled and the whole place seemed to rock to and fro.
+
+"What _is_ the Nargalnannacus?"
+
+"It's a noun!"
+
+"How do you mean?"
+
+"A noun is the name of a person, place or thing, I believe?"
+
+"It was yesterday."
+
+"It is to-day. And that is what the Nargalnannacus is. He, She, or It is
+a person, place or thing, and it travels about, and that is all I know
+of it. Nobody has ever seen a Nargalnannacus, and nobody ever will, not
+a real, proper, authen----"
+
+"Authenticated," assisted Maude.
+
+"Thank you--authenticated one. Directly they do they turn yellow and
+green, and are seen no more."
+
+"What are we to do then?" anxiously enquired Willie.
+
+"The best that offers. We have been expecting an outbreak for a long
+time, and here comes the Court Physician, Dr Pampleton, to happily
+confirm my worst suspicions!"
+
+The children thought it extremely odd that having one's worst suspicions
+confirmed should make any person happy. But they were accustomed to the
+Zankiwank's curious modes of speech and lack of logic, so that they
+wisely held their tongues in silence. The newcomer was of very
+remarkable appearance. He was tall and slim like the Zankiwank, but
+instead of having the ordinary shaped head and face, he carried on his
+shoulders a sheep's head, and in his veins (so they heard afterwards)
+ran sheep's blood. At one period of his existence he had been well-known
+for his wool-gathering propensities, and he was now strongly recommended
+as being able to commit more mistakes and blunders in half-an-hour than
+a school boy could in a whole school term. He had one great virtue,
+however, and that was that he would always instantly apologise for any
+error he might make.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+He never travelled without his medicine chest, which he carried by
+straps over his shoulders, and was prepared to give anybody a dose of
+physic without the slightest provocation at double charges.
+
+"There is danger ahead," he whispered to the Zankiwank, "and a lot of
+visitors are coming to fight to the bitter end."
+
+"Tell me their names," cried the Zankiwank excitedly. Whereupon, Dr
+Pampleton recited them as follows, the Zankiwank groaning as each
+cognomen was uttered:--
+
+  "The Wollypog" (_groan_)
+  "The Fustilug" (_groan_)
+  "What's-His-Name" (_groan_)
+  "Thing'um-a-Bob" (_groan_)
+                  and
+  "The Woogabblewabble Bogglewoggle and all his Court."
+
+The last was too much for the Zankiwank, for he immediately climbed to
+the top of the tallest steeple in the town, saying with much
+discretion:--
+
+"I will see that all is fair. I will be the judge."
+
+Maude had only just got time to eat some of the Fern Seeds she had saved
+from what Robin Goodfellow had given her, and to give some to Willie,
+when a rushing as of many waters and a roaring as of the bursting of
+several gasometers were heard, and a noise of some two or three hundred
+tramping soldiers smote upon their ears, and they knew that something
+dreadful was going to happen. As the Bogglewoggle and the Wollypog and
+all the others came upon the scene, both the children recognised them,
+from what they had once read in a fairy book, as being the monsters of
+the Secret Cavern.
+
+It was not going to be a battle, as they could see--it was only to be a
+quiet fight between the important folk of the Secret Cavern and Topsy
+Turvey Land. The Jorumgander was there, and so was the Jackarandajam and
+Mr Swinglebinks and all the others they had been introduced to. The
+Bogglewoggle was particularly noisy in calling out for the Zankiwank,
+but as he was engaged to be married, of course he could not risk his
+life just for the mere whim of a dragon, who was setting everything
+alight with his torch-like tail.
+
+And then they all commenced to fight--cutting, slashing and crashing
+each other with double-edged swords, while the inhabitants applauded and
+the bands played the "Conquering Hero," although there was not any
+creature who conquered, that one could distinguish. It was a terrible
+sight. They never ceased for a minute, but went on cutting each other to
+pieces until at last they all lay dead upon the ground. No one was left
+alive to tell the awful news but the Zankiwank and Dr Pampleton. And
+what was most remarkable about the fight was that it was all done out of
+pure friendship--but friendship does not seem to be much good when all
+your friends are scattered about, as these were. Heads and arms and legs
+everywhere, and there certainly did not appear to be much hope of their
+ever being able to do any more damage.
+
+The Zankiwank crept cautiously down from his pinnacle and joined Dr
+Pampleton.
+
+"Our friends are very much cut up," said Dr Pampleton.
+
+"What is to be done?" the Zankiwank enquired.
+
+"Done? Why, with my special elixir I shall bring them all to life
+again," said the Court Physician promptly.
+
+"Will you? Can you?"
+
+"Of course. You get all the bodies and lay them in a line. I'll gather
+up the heads and stick 'em on with elastic glue. Then you find the arms
+and legs and we will soon have them ready for another bout."
+
+So the Zankiwank sent the rest of the populace, that had been looking
+on, indoors to get their tea, while he set to work and did as that
+absurd old Doctor instructed him.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Willie and Maude could scarcely keep their eyes open, but they were so
+interested in the proceedings that they managed to see that the Court
+Physician with his usual foresight was sticking the heads on the wrong
+bodies, and the arms and legs he put on just as they were handed to him,
+left on the right, and right on the left, and no one individual got
+his own proper limbs fastened to him.
+
+It was the funniest thing they had ever seen--better than any pantomime,
+for sure enough they all came to life again, and naturally, seeing
+another person's arms and legs on their bodies, they imagined themselves
+to be somebody else entirely. And then ensued the most deafening
+confusion conceivable, each one accusing the other of having robbed him
+in his sleep, for they were under the impression that they had been to
+bed in a strange place--and so they had.
+
+It was the grandest transformation scene ever witnessed. The Zankiwank
+was in deep distress, but Dr Pampleton was in high glee and laughed
+immoderately.
+
+"Such a funny mistake to make!" he crowed hysterically to the hopping,
+hobbling, jumping crowd of monsters and dwarfs, who were glaring at each
+other in a very savage manner.
+
+"I beg your pardon--my fault--all lie down again, and I will cut you up
+once more and put you together correctly this time," said the Court
+Physician pleasantly.
+
+"So!" they all bellowed in chorus, "it is you who have done all this
+mischief. Come on! We will soon rectify your blunder," and with a swish
+and a swirl they made one simultaneous movement towards the unfortunate
+Pampleton, and once again Pandemonium was let loose, when high above the
+din the voice of the Zankiwank was heard calling upon them to have
+patience and not to disturb the harmony, as the Bletherwitch had arrived
+at last. Meanwhile everybody rushed madly down the street after the
+Court Physician.
+
+But the children could see nothing now. Everything was growing dim and
+dimmer, and the scene was fading, fading away into a blue light. And the
+last they heard was the Zankiwank speaking tenderly to the Bletherwitch,
+whom they were not destined to see after all, and saying:--
+
+"Oh, my sweet Blethery, Blethery Bletherwitch! What a Bletherwitching
+little thing you are!"
+
+Then there was a rumbling and a tumbling, and something stopped
+suddenly. A light was flashed before their eyes, and hey presto! there
+was John opening the carriage door for them to get out, and wonder of
+wonders, there were their dear mother and father standing in the hall of
+their own home waiting to receive them. And presently they were being
+kissed and caressed and petted because, as Mary their nurse said, they
+had slept in the carriage all the way home from the visit to their
+grandmama.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+This, however, they stoutly denied. They knew better than that, and told
+their parents of all their adventures, which, as they declared, if they
+were not true they ought to be, and so they said goodnight and dreamt
+their dreams, if they were dreams, all over again.
+
+
+THE END.
+
+
+TURNBULL & SPEARS, PRINTERS, EDINBURGH.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Zankiwank and The Bletherwitch, by
+S. J. Adair Fitzgerald
+
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+
+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Zankiwank and The Bletherwitch, by 
+S. J. Adair Fitzgerald
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Zankiwank and The Bletherwitch
+       An Original Fantastic Fairy Extravaganza
+
+Author: S. J. Adair Fitzgerald
+
+Illustrator: Arthur Rackham
+
+Release Date: August 17, 2011 [EBook #37111]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ZANKIWANK AND THE BLETHERWITCH ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Edwards and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by The
+Internet Archive)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 577px;">
+<img src="images/z001.jpg" width="577" height="800" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+
+
+<h2>The Zankiwank</h2>
+
+<h5>and</h5>
+
+<h2>The Bletherwitch</h2>
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<h4>An Original Fantastic Fairy Extravaganza</h4>
+
+
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+
+
+<div class="pblockquot"><p>"<i>Imagination is always the ruling and divine power,
+and the rest of the man is only the instrument which it
+sounds, or the tablet on which it writes.</i>"</p>
+
+<p class="ralign"><span class="smcap">John Ruskin.</span></p>
+</div>
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
+<a name="Frontispiece" id="Frontispiece"></a>
+<img src="images/z005.jpg" width="600" height="716" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 571px;">
+<a name="TitlePage" id="TitlePage"></a>
+<h2><span class="smcap">The</span> ZANKIWANK &amp;
+<span class="smcap">The</span> BLETHERWITCH</h2>
+<h4>BY S.J. ADAIR FITZGERALD<br />
+WITH PICTURES BY ARTHUR RACKHAM</h4>
+<h3>LONDON J.M. DENT &amp; CO.<br />
+ALDINE HOUSE E.C. 1896</h3>
+<img src="images/z006.jpg" width="571" height="800" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<h5><i>All Rights Reserved</i></h5>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+
+
+<h3>To<br /><br />
+MY BLANCHE<br /><br />
+
+<small>I AFFECTIONATELY INSCRIBE<br /><br />
+THIS LITTLE BOOK</small></h3>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 100%;" />
+<h2>CONTENTS</h2>
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="">
+<tr><td align='center' colspan='2'><br /><a href="#Part_I"><b>PART I</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">A Trip to Fable Land</span></td><td align='right'>1</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='center' colspan='2'><br /><a href="#Part_II"><b>PART II</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Fairies' Feather and Flower Land</span></td><td align='right'>33</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='center' colspan='2'><br /><a href="#Part_III"><b>PART III</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">A Visit to Shadow Land</span></td><td align='right'>91</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='center' colspan='2'><br /><a href="#Part_IV"><b>PART IV</b></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Land of Topsy Turvey</span></td><td align='right'>119</td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 100%;" />
+<h2>LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS</h2>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="">
+<tr><td align='left'>&nbsp;</td><td align='right'><small>PAGE</small></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>EVERYBODY MADE A RUSH FOR THE TRAIN</td><td align='right'><a href="#Frontispiece"><i>Frontispiece</i></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>THE ZANKIWANK AND THE BLETHERWITCH</td><td align='right'><a href="#TitlePage"><i>Title Page</i></a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>THE JACKARANDAJAM</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page5">5</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>MR SWINGLEBINKS</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page7">7</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>THEY WERE RUN INTO BY A DEMON ON A BICYCLE</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page17">17</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>BIRDS, BEASTS AND FISHES WERE HURRYING BY IN CONFUSING MASSES</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page19">19</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>THE FROGS ... PLAYING "KISS IN THE RING"</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page24">24</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>THEY WERE GLUED TO THE EARTH</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page27">27</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>THE ELFIN ORCHESTRA</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page37">37</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>I HAVE DISPATCHED THE JACKARANDAJAM AND MR SWINGLEBINKS IN A FOUR-WHEELED CAB</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page41">41</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>A COMPANY OF FAIRIES ... LEAPT FROM THE PETALS OF THE FLOWERS</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page45">45</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>THE SLY JACKDAWS AND THE RAVENS ... EVIDENTLY PLOTTING MISCHIEF</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page51">51</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>ONE OF THE PRETTIEST DANCES YOU EVER SAW</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page55">55</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>TITANIA ARRIVED ... WITH A FULL TRAIN OF FAIRIES AND ELVES</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page61">61</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>WILLIE PINCHED HIS EXCEEDINGLY THIN LEGS, MAKING HIM JUMP AS HIGH AS AN APRIL RAINBOW</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page64">64</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>PEASEBLOSSOM AND MUSTARD SEED</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page71">71</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>QUEEN TITANIA AND HER COURT OF FAIRIES WERE EATING PUDDINGS AND PIES</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page75">75</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>THE TWO CHILDREN TUMBLED OFF NOTHING INTO A VACANT SPACE</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page79">79</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"KEEP THE POT A-BOILING," BAWLED THE ZANKIWANK</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page83">83</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>SO INTO SHADOWLAND THEY TUMBLED</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page87">87</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>A WHOLE SCHOOL OF CHILDREN FOLLOWING MADLY IN THEIR WAKE</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page95">95</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>THE GOBLINS STARTED OFF ON HORSEBACK</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page101">101</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"THE UNFORTUNATE DOLL"</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page103">103</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>THE WINNY WEG WAS DANCING IN A CORNER ALL BY HERSELF</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page106">106</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>MAUDE AND WILLIE WERE RECLINING PEACEFULLY ON A GOLDEN COUCH WITH SILVER CUSHIONS</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page107">107</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>A GAME OF LEAP-FROG</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page108">108</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>A GREAT RED CAVERN OPENED AND SWALLOWED UP EVERYTHING</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page117">117</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"NOW THEN, MOVE ON!"</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page123">123</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>THE WIMBLE AND THE WAMBLE</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page126">126</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>JORUMGANDER THE YOUNGER ... APPROACHED THEM WITH A CASE OF PENS</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page133">133</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>"WHY, HERE HE IS!"</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page138">138</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>THE ZANKIWANK ARGUING WITH THE CLERK OF THE WEATHER AND THE WEATHER COCK</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page145">145</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>TIME WAS MEANT FOR SLAVES</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page151">151</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>CHILDREN WITH THE ODDEST HEADS AND FACES EVER SEEN</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page158">158, 159</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>IT WAS A SORT OF SKELETON</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page163">163</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>THE GRIFFIN AND THE PH&#338;NIX</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page170">170</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>THEY SPRANG INTO THE HASH</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page173">173</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>DR PAMPLETON</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page177">177</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>NO ONE INDIVIDUAL GOT HIS OWN PROPER LIMBS FASTENED TO HIM</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page183">183</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>THERE WAS JOHN OPENING THE CARRIAGE DOOR FOR THEM TO GET OUT</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page187">187</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 100%;" />
+<h3><a name="Part_I" id="Part_I"></a>Part I</h3>
+
+<h2>A Trip to Fable Land</h2>
+
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza1">
+<span class="i0">By the Queen-Moon's mystic light,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">By the hush of holy night,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">By the woodland deep and green,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">By the starlight's silver sheen,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">By the zephyr's whispered spell,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Brooding Powers Invisible,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Faerie Court and Elfin Throng,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Unto whom the groves belong,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And by Laws of ancient date,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Found in Scrolls of Faerie Fate,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Stream and fount are dedicate.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Whereso'er your feet to-day<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Far from haunts of men may stray,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">We adjure you stay no more<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Exiles on an alien shore,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But with spells of magic birth<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Once again make glad the earth.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="r0">Philip Dayre.</span>
+</div></div>
+
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 15%;" />
+<h2>A Trip to Fable Land</h2>
+
+
+<p>"Well," said the Zankiwank as he swallowed
+another jam tart, "I think we had
+better start on our travels at once."</p>
+
+<p>They were all standing under the clock at
+Charing Cross Station when the station was
+closed and everybody else had departed, except
+the train which the Zankiwank had himself chartered.
+It was all so odd and strange, and the
+gathering was so very motley, that if it had been
+to-morrow morning instead of last night, Willie
+and Maude would certainly have said they had
+both been dreaming. But, of course, they were
+not dreaming because they were wide-awake
+and dressed. Besides, they remembered Charing
+Cross Station quite well, having started therefrom
+with their father and mother only last
+summer when they went to the sea-side for
+their holidays&mdash;and what jolly times they had
+on the sands! So Maude said promptly, "It
+is not Night-mare or Dreams or Anything.
+We don't know what it is, but we must not
+go to sleep, Willie, in case anything should
+happen."</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 160px;">
+<a name="Page5" id="Page5"></a>
+<img src="images/z018.jpg" width="160" height="640" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>Willie replied that he did not want to go to
+sleep any more. "I believe it's a show," he added,
+"and somebody's run away with us. How lovely!
+I'm glad we are lost. Let us go and ask that
+tall gentleman, who looks like the parlour-tongs
+in a bathing-suit, to give us some more
+buns." For, being a boy, he could always eat
+buns, or an abundance of them, only I hope
+you won't tell the nursery governess I told
+you.</p>
+
+<p>It was the Zankiwank, who was doing some
+conjuring tricks for the benefit of the Jackarandajam
+and Mr Swinglebinks, to whom Willie
+referred. The Zankiwank was certainly a very
+curious person to look at. He had very long
+legs, very long arms, and a very small body, a
+long neck and a head like a peacock.
+He was not wearing a
+bathing suit as Willie imagined,
+because there were tails to his
+jacket, hanging down almost to
+his heels. He wore a sash round
+his waist, and his clothes were all
+speckled as though he had been
+peppered with the colours out of
+a very large kaleidoscope. The
+Jackarandajam was also rather tall
+and thin, but dressed in the very
+height of fashion, with a flower in
+his coat and a cigarette in his
+mouth, which he never smoked
+because he never lit it. He was
+believed by all the others&mdash;you
+shall know who all the others
+were presently&mdash;to know more
+things than the Man-in-the-Moon,
+because he nearly always said
+something that nobody else ever
+thought of. And the Man-in-the-Moon knows
+more things than the Old Woman of Mars. You
+have naturally heard all about Mars&mdash;at least, if
+you have not heard all about her, you all have
+heard about her, which is just the same thing,
+only reversed.</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">There was an Old Woman of Mars<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Who'd constantly say "Bless my stars,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">There's the Sun and the Moon<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And the Earth in a swoon,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">All dying for par-tic-u-lars-u-lars!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Of this planet of mine called Mars!"<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p class="noin">Mr Swinglebinks, unlike his two companions,
+was short, stout, and dreadfully important. In
+Fable Land, where we are going as soon as we
+start for that happy place, he kept a grocer's
+shop once upon a time. As nobody cared a fig
+for his sugar and currants, however, he retired
+from business and took to dates and the making
+of new almanacks, and was now travelling about
+for the benefit of his figures. He was very strong
+on arithmetic, and could read, write, and arith-metise
+before he went to school, so he never went
+at all.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;">
+<a name="Page7" id="Page7"></a>
+<img src="images/z020.jpg" width="640" height="480" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>While the Zankiwank was talking to his friends
+an unseen porter rang an unseen bell, and called
+out in an unknown tongue:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Take your seats for Fableland,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Which stands upon a Tableland,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And don't distress the guard.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And when you pass the Cableland<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Say nothing to the Gableland<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Because it hurts the guard."<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>"We must put that porter back in the bottle,"
+said the Jackarandajam, "we shall want some
+bottled porter to drink on the road."</p>
+
+<p>"Well," said Maude, "what a ridiculous thing
+to say. We don't bottle railway porters, I am
+sure."</p>
+
+<p>"I wish the Bletherwitch would come," exclaimed
+the Zankiwank, "we shall miss the next
+train. She is most provoking. She promised to
+be here three weeks ago, and we have been
+waiting ever since."</p>
+
+<p>This astounding statement quite disturbed
+Willie, who almost swallowed a bun in his excitement.
+Had he and Maude been waiting there
+three weeks as well? What would they think at
+home? You see Maude and Willie, who were
+brother and sister, had been on a visit to their
+grandmama; and on their way home they had
+fallen asleep in the carriage, after having repeated
+to each other all the wonderful fairy tales their
+grandmama had related to them. How long
+they had slept they could not guess, but when
+they woke up, instead of finding themselves at
+home in St George's Square, they discovered that
+they were at Charing Cross Station. Mary, their
+nurse, had disappeared, so had John the coachman,
+and it was the Zankiwank who had opened the
+door and assisted them to alight, saying at the
+same time most politely&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I assist you to alight, because it is so dark."</p>
+
+<p>Then he gave them buns and chocolates, icecreams,
+apples, pears, shrimps and cranberry
+tarts. So it stands to reason that after such a
+mixture they were rather perplexed. However,
+they did not seem very much distressed, and as
+they were both fond of adventures, especially in
+books, they were quite content to accept the
+Zankiwank's offer to take them for a ride in
+the midnight-express to Fable Land, over which,
+as everybody knows, King &AElig;sop reigns. Maudie
+was nine and a half and Willie was eight and
+a quarter. Very nice ages indeed, unless you
+happen to be younger or older, and then your
+own age is nicer still.</p>
+
+<p>"I think," said the Zankiwank, "that we will
+start without the Bletherwitch. She knows the
+way and can take a balloon."</p>
+
+<p>"If she takes a balloon she will lose it. You
+had better let the balloon take her," exclaimed
+the Jackarandajam severely.</p>
+
+<p>"Take your places! Take your places!" cried
+the unseen porter. So everybody made a rush
+for the train, and they all entered a Pullman
+Car and sat down on the seats.</p>
+
+<p>"Dear me! How very incorrectly that porter
+speaks. He means, of course, that the seats
+should take, or receive us."</p>
+
+<p>The Zankiwank only smiled, while Mr Swinglebinks
+commenced counting up to a hundred, but
+as he lost one, he could only count up to ninety-nine&mdash;so,
+to keep his arithmetic going, he subtracted
+a time-piece from his neighbour's pocket,
+multiplied his foot-warmers, and divided his attention
+between the Wimble and the Wamble, who
+were both of the party, being left-handed and deaf.</p>
+
+<p>Maudie and Willie took their places in the
+car with all the other passengers amid a perfect
+babel of chattering and laughing and crying, and
+then, as the train began to slowly move out of
+the station, the Zankiwank solemnly sang the
+following serious song:&mdash;</p>
+
+<h3><span class="smcap">Off to Fable Land.</span></h3>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">The midnight train departs at three,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">To Fable Land we go,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">For this express is nothing less<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Than a steamer, don't you know!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">We're sailing now upon the Thames,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">All in a penny boat,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And we soon shall change for a mountain range,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">In the atmosphere to float!<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i2">So off we go to Fable Land&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">(Speak kindly to the guard!)<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Which many think a Babel-land,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">But this you disregard.<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">You'll find it is a Stable-land,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">With stables in the yard&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">A possible, probable, Able-land,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">So do not vex the guard!<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">We've left behind us Charing Cross,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And all the town in bed;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">For it is plain, though in this train,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">We're standing on our head!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">We're riding now in Bedfordshire,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Which is the Land of Nod;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And yet in the sky we are flying high,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Which seems extremely odd!<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i2">So off we go to Fable Land&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">(Speak kindly to the guard!)<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Which many think a Babel-land,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">But this you disregard.<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">You'll find it is a Stable-land,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">With stables in the yard&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">A possible, probable, Able-land,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">So do not vex the guard!<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>Maudie and Willie found themselves joining
+lustily in the chorus when the Zankiwank pulled
+the cord communicating with the guard, and,
+opening the window, climbed out on to the top
+of the carriage calling all the time:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Guard! Guard! Guard!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Don't go so hard,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Just give the brake a hitch!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To Charing Cross return&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Nay, do not look so stern&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">For I would not tell a cram,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I must send a telegram,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">To my darling little Bletherwitch."<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>So the guard turned the train round, and they
+went back to Charing Cross as quick as lightning.</p>
+
+<p>"It's my fault," moaned the Jackarandajam,
+"I ought to have reminded you. Never mind,
+we will put on another engine."</p>
+
+<p>So the Zankiwank got out and sent a telegram
+to the Bletherwitch, and desired her to follow on
+in a balloon.</p>
+
+<p>Again they started, and everybody settled
+down until the train reached the British Channel,
+when it dived through a tunnel into an uninhabited
+country, where the post-office clerk
+popped his head into the carriage window and
+handed in a telegram.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><div class="poem">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"<i>From the Bletherwitch,</i><br /></span>
+<span class="i4"><i>To the Zankiwank.</i><br /></span>
+</div>
+<p>Don't wait tea. Gone to the Dentists."</p>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>"Extremely thoughtful," exclaimed everybody.
+But the Zankiwank wept, and explained to
+the sympathetic Maude that he was engaged to
+be married to the Bletherwitch, and he had
+been waiting for her for fourteen years. "Such
+a charming creature. I will introduce you when
+she comes. Fancy, she is only two feet one
+inch and one third high. Such a suitable height
+for a bride."</p>
+
+<p>"What," expostulated Willie and Maude together,
+"she's no bigger than our baby! And
+you are quite&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Eight feet and one half of an inch."</p>
+
+<p>"How disproportionate! It seems to me to
+be a most unequal match," answered Maude.
+"What does her mother say?"</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, she hasn't got any mother, you know.
+That would not do. She has been asleep for
+two thousand years, and has only just woke up
+to the fact that I am her destiny."</p>
+
+<p>"She is only joking," declared Maude. "Two
+thousand years! She <i>must</i> be joking!"</p>
+
+<p>"No," replied the Zankiwank somewhat sadly,
+"she is not joking. She never jokes. She is
+of Scottish descent," he added reflectively. "I
+hope she will keep her appointment. I am
+afraid she is rather giddy!&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Giddy! Well, if she has waited two
+thousand years before making up her mind to
+go to the dentists she must be giddy. I am
+afraid you are not speaking the truth."</p>
+
+<p>Before any reply could be given the Guard
+came to the window and said they would have
+to go back to Charing Cross again as he forgot to
+pay his rent, and he always paid his rent on Monday.</p>
+
+<p>"But this is <i>not</i> Monday," said Willie. "Yesterday
+was Monday. To-day is to-morrow you know,
+therefore it is Tuesday. Pay your landlady double
+next Monday and that will do just as well."</p>
+
+<p>The Guard hesitated.</p>
+
+<p>"Don't vex the Guard," they all said in
+chorus.</p>
+
+<p>"I am not vexed," said the Guard, touching
+his hat. "Do you think it would be right to
+pay double? You see my landlady is single.
+She might not like it."</p>
+
+<p>"Write 'I. O. U.' on a post-card and send
+it to her. It will do just as well, if not better,"
+suggested Mr Swinglebinks.</p>
+
+<p>So the Guard sent the post-card; but in
+his agitation he told the engineer driver to go
+straight ahead instead of round the corner. The
+consequence was that they were run into by a
+Demon on a bicycle, and thrown out of the
+train down a coal mine. Luckily there were
+no coals in the mine so it did not matter, and
+they went boldly forward&mdash;that is to say, Willie
+and Maude did, and knocked at the front door
+of a handsome house that suddenly appeared
+before them.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
+<a name="Page17" id="Page17"></a>
+<img src="images/z030.jpg" width="600" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>Nobody opened the door, so they walked in.
+They looked behind them, but could not see
+the Zankiwank or any of the passengers in the
+train; therefore, not knowing what else to do,
+they went upstairs. They appeared to be walking
+up stairs for hours
+without coming to a landing
+or meeting with anyone, and
+the interminable steps began to
+grow monotonous. Presently they heard a scuffling
+and a stamping and a roaring behind them
+and something or somebody began to push them
+most rudely until at last the wall gave way, the
+stairs gave way, they gave way, and tumbled right
+on to the tips of their noses.</p>
+
+<p>"Out of the way! Out of the way!" screamed
+a chorus of curious voices, and Maude and Willie
+found themselves taken by the hand by a weird-looking
+dwarf with a swivel eye and an elevated
+proboscis, and led out of danger.</p>
+
+<p>The children could not help gazing upon
+their preserver, who was so grotesquely formed,
+with a humped back, twisted legs, very long
+arms, and such a funny little body without
+any neck. But his eyes atoned for everything&mdash;they
+sparkled and glinted in their sockets
+like bright brown diamonds&mdash;only there are no
+brown diamonds, you know, only white and
+pink ones.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
+<a name="Page19" id="Page19"></a>
+<img src="images/z032.jpg" width="600" height="684" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>The Dwarf did not appear to mind the wondering
+looks of the children at all, but patted
+them on the cheeks and told them not to be
+frightened. But whether he meant frightened
+of himself, or of the Birds, Beasts, and Fishes
+that were hurrying by in such confusing masses,
+they could not tell. One thing, however, that
+astonished them very much
+was the deference with which they
+greeted their quaint rescuer, as they passed by.
+For every creature from the Lion to the Mouse
+bowed most politely as they approached him, and
+then went on their way gaily frisking, for this
+was their weekly half-holiday.</p>
+
+<p>"How do you like my Menagerie," enquired
+the Dwarf. "Rough and ready, perhaps, but as
+docile as a flat-iron if you treat them properly."</p>
+
+<p>"It is just like the Zoo," declared Willie. "Or
+the animals in &AElig;sop's Fables," suggested Maude.</p>
+
+<p>This delighted the Dwarf very much, for though
+he looked so serious, he was full of good humour
+and skipped about with much agility.</p>
+
+<p>"Good! Good!" he cried. "&AElig;sop and the
+Zoo! Ha! Ha! He! He! Anybody can be
+a Zoo but only one can be &AElig;sop, and I am
+he!"</p>
+
+<p>"&AElig;sop! Are you really Mr &AElig;sop, the Phrygian
+Philosopher?" cried Maude.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>King</i> &AElig;sop, I should say," corrected Willie.
+"I am glad we have met you, because now,
+perhaps, you will kindly tell us what a Fable
+really is."</p>
+
+<p>"A Fable," said the merry &AElig;sop, with a twinkle
+in his witty eyes, "is a fictitious story about
+nothing that ever happened, related by nobody
+that ever lived. And the moral is, that every one
+is quite innocent, only they must not do it
+again!"</p>
+
+<p>"Ah! that is only your fun," said Willie sagely,
+"because of the moral. Why do they give you
+so many morals?"</p>
+
+<p>"I don't know," answered &AElig;sop gravely. "But
+the Commentators and Editors do give a lot of
+applications and morals to the tales of my
+animals, don't they?"</p>
+
+<p>"I like a tale with a moral," averred Maude,
+"it finishes everything up so satisfactorily, I think.
+Now, Mr &AElig;sop, as you know so much, please
+tell us what a proverb is?"</p>
+
+<p>"Ah!" replied Mr &AElig;sop, "I don't make proverbs.
+There are too many already, but a proverb
+usually seems to me to be something you
+always theoretically remember to practically forget."</p>
+
+<p>Neither of the children quite understood this,
+though Maude thought it was what her papa
+would call satire, and satire was such a strange
+word that she could never fully comprehend the
+meaning.</p>
+
+<p>Willie was silent too, like his sister, and seeing
+them deep in thought, King &AElig;sop waved a little
+wand he had in his hand, and all the Birds and
+Beasts and Fishes joined hands and paws, and
+fins and wings, and danced in a circle singing to
+the music of a quantity of piping birds in the
+trees:&mdash;</p>
+
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">If you want to be merry and wise,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">You must all be as bright as you can,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">You never must quarrel,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Or spoil a right moral,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But live on a regular plan.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">You must read, write and arith-metise,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Or you'll never grow up to be good;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">And you mustn't say "Won't,"<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Or "I shan't" and "I don't,"<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Or disturb the Indicative Mood.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i2">So round about the Knowledge Tree,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">Each boy and girl must go,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To learn in school the golden rule,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">And Duty's line to toe!<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">If you want to be clever and smart,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">You must also be ready for play,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">And don't be too subtle<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">When batting your shuttle,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But sport in a frolicsome way.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">With bat and with ball take your part,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Or with little doll perched on your knee,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">You sing all the time,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To a nursery rhyme,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Before you go in to your tea!<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i2">So round about the Sunset Tree<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">Each boy and girl should go<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">To play a game of&mdash;What's its name?<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">That is each game&mdash;you know!<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>After merrily joining in this very original
+song, with dancing accompaniment, Maude and
+Willie thanked King &AElig;sop for permitting his
+animals to entertain them.</p>
+
+<p>"Always glad to please good little boys and
+girls, you know," he replied pleasantly, "even in
+their play they furnish us with a new fable and
+a moral."</p>
+
+<p>"And that is?"</p>
+
+<p>"All play and no work makes the world stand
+still."</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;">
+<a name="Page24" id="Page24"></a>
+<img src="images/z037.jpg" width="640" height="280" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>Before they could ask for an explanation, their
+attention was once more drawn to the animals,
+who had commenced playing all kinds of games
+just the same as they themselves played in the
+play-ground at school. The Toads were playing
+Leap-frog; the Elephants and the Bears, Fly the
+Garter; the Dromedaries, Hi! Spie! Hi! while
+the snakes were trundling their hoops. The Lions
+and the Lambs were playing at cricket with the
+Donkeys as fielders and the Wombat as umpire.</p>
+
+<p>The Frogs were in a corner by themselves
+playing "Kiss in the Ring," and crying out:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"It isn't you! It isn't you!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">We none of us know what to do,"<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p class="noin">in a very serio-comic manner. Then the Storks
+and the Cranes and the Geese and the Ganders
+were standing in a circle singing:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Sally, Sally Waters,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Sitting in the Moon,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">With the camel's daughters,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">All through the afternoon!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Oh Sally! Bo Sally!<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Where's your dusting pan;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">My Sally! Fie Sally!<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Here is your young man!<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p class="noin">In another part the Crabs, the Sheep, and the
+Fox, were vowing that London Bridge was Broken
+Down, because they had not half-a-crown, which
+seemed a curious reason. Then all the rest of the
+wild creatures, Birds, Beasts, and Fishes, commenced
+an extraordinary dance, singing, croaking,
+flapping their fins and spreading their wings, to
+these words:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">We are a crowd of jolly boys,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">All romping on the lea;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">We always make this merry noise,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">When we return from sea.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">So we go round and round and round,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Because we've come ashore;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">For Topsy Turvey we are bound,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">So round again once more.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Go in and out of the coppice,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Go in and out at the door;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And do not wake the poppies,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Who want to have a snore.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>It was too ridiculous; they could recognise
+every animal they had read about in &AElig;sop, and
+they were all behaving in a manner they little
+dreamed could be possible, out of a Night-mare.
+But it certainly was not a Night-mare, though
+they could distinguish several horses and ponies.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
+<a name="Page27" id="Page27"></a>
+<img src="images/z040.jpg" width="600" height="720" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>They never seemed to stop in their games, and
+even the Ants and the Gnats were playing&mdash;and
+above all a game of football,&mdash;though as some
+played according to Association and some to
+Rugby rules, of course it was rather perplexing
+to the on-lookers. When they grew tired of
+watching the Animal World enjoying their
+holiday, they turned to consult King &AElig;sop,
+but to their astonishment, he was not near
+them&mdash;he had vanished! And when they
+turned round the other way the Animals had
+vanished too, and they were quite alone. Indeed
+everything seemed to disappear, even the
+light that had been their guide so long, and
+they began to tremble with fear and apprehension.</p>
+
+<p>Not a sound was to be heard, and darkness
+gradually fell around them. They held each other
+by the hand, and determined to go forward, but to
+their dismay they could not move! They were
+glued to the earth. They tried to speak, but
+their tongues stuck to the roofs of their mouths,
+and they were in great distress. "Where, Oh
+where was the Zankiwank?" they wondered in
+their thoughts. And a buzzing in their ears took
+up the refrain:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">The Zankiwank, the Zankiwank,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Oh where, Oh where is the Zankiwank?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He brought us here, and much we fear<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">His conduct's far from Franky-wank!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The Zankiwank, the Zankiwank,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">He has gone to seek the Bletherwitch,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Oh the Zankiwank, 'tis a panky prank<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">To leave us here to die in a ditch.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>"A telegram, did you say? For me, of course,
+what an age you have been. How is my blushing
+bride? Let me see&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><div class="poem">
+
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">'<i>From the Bletherwitch, Nonsuch Street,</i><br /></span>
+<span class="i8"><i>To the Zankiwank, Nodland.</i><br /></span>
+</div>
+
+<p>Forgot my new shoes, and the housemaid's
+killed the parrot. Put the kettle on.'"</p>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>Then the children heard some sobbing sound
+soughing through the silence and they knew that
+they were saved. Also that the Zankiwank was
+weeping. So with a strong effort Maude managed
+to call out consolingly, "Zankiwanky, dear! don't
+cry, come and let me comfort you."</p>
+
+<p>But the Zankiwank refused to be comforted.
+However, he came forward muttering an incantation
+of some sort, and Maude and Willie finding
+themselves free, rushed forward and greeted him.</p>
+
+<p>"Hush, my dears, the Nargalnannacus is afloat
+on the wild, wild main. We must be careful
+and depart, or he will turn us into something
+unpleasant&mdash;the last century or may be the next,
+as it is close at hand, and inexpensive. Follow
+me to the ship that is waiting in the Bay Window,
+and we will go and get some Floranges."</p>
+
+<p>Carefully Maudie and Willie followed the
+Zankiwank, each holding on by the tails of
+his coat, glad enough to go anywhere out of the
+Blackness of the Dark.</p>
+
+<p>Soon they found themselves in Window Bay,
+and climbing up the sides of a mighty ship with
+five funnels and a red-haired captain.</p>
+
+<p>"Quick," called the Captain, "the Nargalnannacus
+is on the lee scuppers just off the jibboom
+brace. Make all sail for the Straights of Ballambangjan,
+and mind the garden gate."</p>
+
+<p>Then the Zankiwank became the man at the
+wheel, and the vessel scudded before the wind as
+the two children went off into a trance.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 160px;">
+<img src="images/z045.jpg" width="160" height="109" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 100%;" />
+<h3><a name="Part_II" id="Part_II"></a>Part II</h3>
+
+<h2>The Fairies' Feather and<br />
+Flower Land</h2>
+
+
+
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza1">
+<span class="i12">                         Fa&euml;ry elves,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Whose midnight revels, by a forest side<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Or fountain, some belated peasant sees,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Or dreams he sees, while overhead the moon<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Sits arbitress.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="r0">Milton.</span>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza1">
+<span class="i0">O then I see Queen Mab hath been with you:<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">She is the fairies' midwife; and she comes<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">In shape no bigger than an agate-stone<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">On the fore-finger of an alderman,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Drawn with a train of little atomies,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Athwart men's noses as they lie asleep.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="r0">Shakespeare.</span>
+</div></div>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 15%;" />
+<h2>The Fairies' Feather and<br />
+Flower Land</h2>
+
+
+<p>How long Maude and Willie had been
+rocking in the cradle of the deep
+they could not tell, nor how long it took them
+to steam through the Straits of Ballambangjan,
+for everything was exceptionally bleak and
+blank to them. By the way, if you cannot find
+the Straits of Ballambangjan in your Geography
+or on the Map, you should consult the first sailor
+you meet, and he will give you as much information
+on the subject as any boy or girl need
+require.</p>
+
+<p>Both children experienced that curious sensation
+of feeling asleep while they were wide awake,
+and feeling wide awake when they imagined
+themselves to be asleep, just as one does feel
+sometimes in the early morning, when the sun
+is beginning to peep through the blinds, and
+the starlings are chattering, and the sparrows
+are tweeting under the eaves, outside the
+window.</p>
+
+<p>They were no longer on the vessel that had
+borne them away from Fableland, and the
+approach of the Nargalnannacus, a fearsome
+creature whom nobody has yet seen, although
+most of us may not have heard about him.</p>
+
+<p>The obliging Zankiwank was with them, and
+when they looked round they found themselves
+in a square field festooned with the misty curtains
+of the Elfin Dawn.</p>
+
+<p>"Of course," said the Zankiwank, "this is Midsummer
+Day, and very soon it will be Midsummer
+Night, and you will see some wonders that will
+outwonder all the wonders that wonderful people
+have ever wondered both before and afterwards.
+Listen to the Flower-Fairies&mdash;not the garden
+flowers, but the wild-flowers; they will sing you
+a song, while I beat time&mdash;not that there is any
+real need to beat Time, because he is a most
+respectable person, though he always contrives to
+beat us."</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
+<a name="Page37" id="Page37"></a>
+<img src="images/z050.jpg" width="600" height="750" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>Both children would have liked to argue out
+this speech of the Zankiwank because it puzzled
+them, and they felt it would not parse properly.
+However, as just at that moment the Elfin
+Orchestra appeared, they sat on the grass and
+listened:&mdash;</p>
+
+
+<h3><span class="smcap">The Elfin Dawn.</span></h3>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">This is the Elfin Dawn,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">When ev'ry Fay and Faun,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Trips o'er the earth with joy and mirth,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And Pleasure takes the maun.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Night's noon stars coyly peep,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">O'er dale and dene and deep,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And Fairies fair float through the air,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Love's festival to keep.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i2">We dance and sing in the Welkin Ring,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">While Heather Bells go Ding-dong-ding!<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">To greet the Elfin Dawn.<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">The Flower-fairies spread each wing,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">And trip about with mincing ging,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">Upon the magic lawn.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">And so we frisk and play,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Like mortals, in the day;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">From acorn cup we all wake up<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Titania to obey.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">We never, never die,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And this the reason why,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Of Fancy's art we are the part<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">That lives eternalie.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i2">We dance and sing in the Welkin Ring,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">While Heather Bells go Ding-dong-ding!<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">To greet the Elfin Dawn.<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">The Flower-fairies spread each wing,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">And trip about with mincing ging,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">Upon the magic lawn.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>"They keep very good time, don't they?" said
+the Zankiwank to the children, who were completely
+entranced with pleasure and surprise.</p>
+
+<p>"Lovely, lovely," was all they could say.</p>
+
+<p>Every wild flower they could think of, and
+every bird of the air, was to be seen in this
+beautiful place with the
+purling stream running
+down the centre, crossed by innumerable
+rustic bridges, while
+far away they could see a fountain
+ever sending upward its cooling
+sprays of crystal water.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 657px;">
+<a name="Page41" id="Page41"></a>
+<img src="images/z054.jpg" width="657" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>"I think I shall spend my honeymoon
+here," said the Zankiwank.
+"I have already bought a honeycomb
+for my bride. I am so impatient to have
+her by my side that I have dispatched the
+Jackarandajam and Mr Swinglebinks in a four-wheeled
+cab to fetch her. When the Bletherwitch
+arrives I will introduce you, and you shall both be
+bridesmaids!"</p>
+
+<p>"But I can't be a bridesmaid, you know," corrected
+Willie.</p>
+
+<p>"Oh yes, you can. You can be anything here
+you like. You only have to eat some Fern seeds
+and you become invisible, and nobody would
+know you. It is so simple, and saves a lot of
+argument. And you should never argue about
+anything unless you know nothing about it, then
+you are sure to win."</p>
+
+<p>"But," interrupted Maude, "how can you know
+nothing about anything?"</p>
+
+<p>"'Tis the easiest thing out of the world," said
+the Zankiwank. "What is nothing?"</p>
+
+<p>"Nothing."</p>
+
+<p>"Precisely. Nothing is nothing; but what is
+better than nothing?"</p>
+
+<p>"Something."</p>
+
+<p>"Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Where is your
+logic? Nothing is better than something! I'll
+prove it:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Nothing is sweeter than honey,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Nothing's more bitter than gall,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Nothing that's comic is funny,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Nothing is shorter than tall."<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>"That is nonsense and nothing to do with
+the case," exclaimed Maude.</p>
+
+<p>"Nonsense? Nonsense? Did you say nonsense?"</p>
+
+<p>"Of course she did," said Willie, "and so do I."</p>
+
+<p>"Nonsense! To me? Do you forget what my
+name is?"</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, no, nothing easier than to remember it.
+You are the Great Zankiwank."</p>
+
+<p>"Thank you, I am satisfied. I thought you
+had forgotten. I am not cross with you."</p>
+
+<p>Maude and Willie vowed they would not cross
+him for anything, let alone nothing, and so the
+Zankiwank was appeased and offered to give
+them the correct answer to his own unanswerable
+conundrum. Do you know what a conundrum
+is though? I will tell you while the
+Zankiwank is curling his whiskers:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>A conundrum is an impossible question with
+an improbable answer. Think it over the next
+time you read "Robinson Crusoe."</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Nothing is better than a good little girl;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But a jam tart is better than nothing,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Therefore a jam tart is better than the best little girl alive."<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>"What do you think of that?" said the
+Zankiwank.</p>
+
+<p>"I have heard something like it before. But
+that is nothing. Anyhow I would much rather
+be a little girl than a jam tart&mdash;because a jam tart
+must be sour because it's tart, and a little girl
+is always sweet," promptly replied Willie, kissing
+his sister Maude on the nose&mdash;but that was an
+accident, because she moved at the wrong moment.</p>
+
+<p>"You distress me," said the Zankiwank. "Suppose
+I were to try to shoot Folly as it flies, and hit a
+Fool's Cap and Bells instead, what would you say?"</p>
+
+<p>"I should say that you had shot at nothing
+and missed it."</p>
+
+<p>At this Maude and
+Willie laughed girlsterously
+and boysterously,
+and the Zankiwank
+wept three silent
+tears in the teeth
+of the wind and
+declared
+that nothing
+took his
+fancy so
+much as having nothing to
+take. So they took him
+by the arm and begged him,
+as he was so clever and had
+mentioned the name, to take
+them to Fancy's dwelling-place.</p>
+
+<p>"I think Fancy must dwell amongst the wild
+flowers&mdash;the sweet beautiful wild flowers that
+grow in such charming variety of disorder."
+Saying this, Maude took Willie's hand and
+urged the Zankiwank forward.</p>
+
+<p>Before the Zankiwank could reply, a company
+of fairies, all dressed in pink and green, leapt
+from the petals of the flowers and danced forward,
+singing to the buzz of the bees and the breaking
+note of the yellow-ammer with his bright gamboge
+breast:&mdash;</p>
+
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 600px;">
+<a name="Page45" id="Page45"></a>
+<img src="images/z058.jpg" width="600" height="800" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p class="center1"><b>Where is Fancy Bred.</b></p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">O would you know where Fancy dwells?<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And where she flaunts her head?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Come to the daisy-spangled dells,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And seek her in her bed.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">For Fancy is a maiden sweet,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">With all a maiden's whims;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">As quick as thought&mdash;as Magic fleet&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Like gossamer she skims.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">O seek among the birds and bees,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And search among the buds;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">In babbling brook, in silver seas,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Or in the raging floods.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Gaze upward to the starry vault;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Or ask the golden sun:<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Though ever you will be at fault<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Before your task is done.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">O would you know where Fancy dwells?<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">It is not in the flow'rs;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It is not in the chime of bells,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Nor in the waking hours.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It is not in the learn&euml;d brain,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Nor in the busy mart;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It lives not with the false and vain,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">But in the tender heart.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>As mysteriously as they had appeared, the
+fairies vanished again, and only the rustling of
+the leaves and the twittering of the birds making
+melody all around, reminded the children that they
+were on enchanted ground. Now and then the
+bull-frogs would set up a croaking chorus in
+some marshy land far behind, but as no one
+could distinguish what they said it did not
+matter.</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">O to be here for ever,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">With the fairy band,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">O to wake up never<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">From this dreamy land!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">For the humblest plant is weighted<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">With some new perfume,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And the scent of the air drops like some prayer<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And mingles with the bloom.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">O to be here for ever, and never, never wake.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>Was that the music of the spheres they
+wondered? Somehow it seemed as though their
+own hearts' echo played to the words that fell so
+soft, like a fair sweet tender melody of fairies
+long ago.</p>
+
+<p>The Zankiwank had left them again, to send
+another telegram, perhaps, and Maude and Willie
+went rambling through the meadow and down by
+the brook, where they gathered nuts and berries
+and sat them down to enjoy a rural feast.</p>
+
+<p>Tiny elves and fairies were constantly coming
+and going, some driving in wee chariots with ants
+for horses and oak leaves for carriages. And
+while all the other flowers seemed quite gay and
+merry in the sunshine, the Poppies were nodding
+their scarlet heads and gently dozing, what time
+some wild Holly Hocks beat to and fro murmuring&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">While the corn is ready to reap.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And the lightest hours a-creep.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">On the edge of the misty deep.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>As they lay upon the bank, to their surprise a
+procession of birds came along, the two foremost
+being fine handsome thrushes, carrying a large
+banner of ivy leaves, on which was inscribed, in
+letters of red clover, the following legend:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class="center1">Bean-Feast of Birds<br />
+from London and<br />
+the Suburbs.</p>
+
+<p>"Fancy," said Maude, "all the birds of London
+Town come to Fairy-land for a change of air!"</p>
+
+<p>"And why not?" asked a saucy Cock-sparrow.
+"We can't be always singing the same song, so
+we come here for a change of air, and of course
+when we get a change of air we return with new
+melodies. If you were to Reed your books properly
+you would know that the Pipes of our
+Organs&mdash;our vocal Organs&mdash;want tuning occasionally."</p>
+
+<p>Then, without any warning, they all struck up
+a new song, and marvel of marvels, instead of
+merely singing like ordinary birds, they sang the
+words as well. But before giving you the lyric
+that they voiced so melodiously I must tell you
+the names of some of the birds they saw, and if
+you live in London or any large town you will
+perhaps know several of them by sight, as well
+as by cognomen. First in the throng were the
+Mistle-Thrushes and the song Thrushes; the Redwing
+and the Fieldfare, the Blackbird and the
+Redstart, and the Redbreast with faithful Jenny
+Wren; the large family of Titmouse and the
+merry Chiff-chaff, with his pleasant little song of
+"Chiff-chaff; chiff-chaff; chiv-chave." The humoursome
+Wagtails and that rare visitant the Waxwing,
+hopped along together, followed by the
+Swallows and the Martins, and a whole posse
+of Finches of various orders, particularly the
+Chaffinches who were joking with the Linnets.</p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 604px;">
+<a name="Page51" id="Page51"></a>
+<img src="images/z064.jpg" width="604" height="480" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>Then came the noisy Starlings,
+the Magpies and the
+Sparrows chattering incessantly and evidently
+talking scandal. The sly Jackdaws and the
+Ravens looking as sleek as Sunday Sextons, but
+evidently plotting mischief, were also present, in
+close proximity to the Rooks and the Crows, who
+were well able to take care of their own caws.
+Afterwards came the Swifts and the Larks up to
+all sorts of games. A few Woodpeckers joined
+their feathered friends, and one Cuckoo was there,
+because Willie heard him, but he kept somewhere
+in the background as usual. Owls and Bats and
+Millards with Wigeons and Pigeons brought up
+the rear with a few Plovers, including the Lapwing.
+Jack Snipe came tumbling after in a
+hurry, with a stranger called the Whimbrel and a
+Puffin out of breath. There were other birds as
+well, but I don't think you would know them if I
+mentioned them. Maude and Willie did not, and
+they were quite authorities on ornithology, and
+perhaps you are not.</p>
+
+<h3><span class="smcap">The Song of the Birds.</span></h3>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">We are the birds of London Town,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Come out to take the air,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To change our coats of grey and brown,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And trim our feathers rare.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">For London fogs so very black<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Our tempers disarrange,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And so we skip with piping trip,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">To have our yearly change.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i3">Pee wit! Tu! whoo!<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">How do you do?<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">Tweet! tweet! chip! chip!<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">Chiff! chaff! chiff chay!<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">Weet wee! weet weet! sweet way!<br /></span>
+<span class="i10">Cuckoo!<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">We sing our songs in London Town,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">To make the workers gay;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And seeds and crumbs they throw us down&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">'Tis all we ask as pay.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">We make them think of fields all green<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And long-forgotten things;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Of far-off hopes and dreams a-sheen<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And love with golden wings.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i3">Pee wit! Tu! whoo!<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">How do you do?<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">Tweet! tweet! chip! chip!<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">Chiff! chaff! chiff chay!<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">Weet wee! weet weet! sweet way!<br /></span>
+<span class="i10">Cuckoo!<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>After this very entertaining song each bird
+stood on one leg, spread one wing, and joined
+partners for one of the prettiest dances you ever
+saw. It was called the Birds' Quadrille, and was
+so charmingly executed that even the flowers left
+their beds and borders to look on&mdash;the fairies
+peeping meanwhile from the buds to join in the
+general enjoyment. The voices of the flowers were
+lifted in gentle cadences to the rhythm of the
+feathered dancers' featly twists and turns.</p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
+<a name="Page55" id="Page55"></a>
+<img src="images/z068.jpg" width="600" height="709" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>How happy the children felt in this beautiful
+place with all Nature vieing to show her sweetest
+charms. And how rich and rare were the gems
+of foliage and tree and humble creeping plants.
+How easy to forget everything&mdash;but joy&mdash;in this
+fairy paradise that Fancy so deftly pictured for
+them! Could there be anything sad in Flower
+Land? They could not believe it possible, and
+yet when a tiny little fairy stepped from a cluster
+of wild flowers and sang them the song of the Lily
+and the Rose, diamond tears stole down the cheeks
+of the little lass and the little lad.</p>
+
+
+<h3><span class="smcap">The Rose and the Lily.</span></h3>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">A tender Rose, so pretty and sleek,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Loved a Lily pure and white;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And paid his court with breathings meek&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Watching o'er her day and night.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">While the Lily bowed her virgin head,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">The Rose his message sent;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The Lily clung to her lover red,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And gave her shy consent.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i3">The Violets cooed, and the Hare-bells rang,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">And the Jasmine shook with glee;<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">While the birds high in the branches sang,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">"Forget not true to be."<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Dear Flora came the wedding to see,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">The Cowslips had decked the bride,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The Red Rose trembled so nervously&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">His blushes he could not hide.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The Daisies opened their wee white eyes,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">The Pinks came down in rows;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">"Forget-me-not!" the Lily cries,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">"My own, my sweet Moss Rose!"<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i3">The Violets cooed, and the Hare-bells rang,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">And the Jasmine shook with glee;<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">While the birds high in the branches sang,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">"O may you happy be!"<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">The Flower-fairies were gathered there,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And every plant as well,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To attend the wedding of this pair<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">So sweet that no pen can tell.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But a cruel wind came sweeping by&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">The Lily drooped and died....<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Then the Red Rose gave one tearful sigh,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And joined his Lily bride.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i3">The Violets wept, and the Hare-bells sobbed,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">The Myrtle and Jasmine sighed;<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">The birds were hushed as their hearts all throbbed<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">At the death of the Rose's bride.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>Before the children had time to grow too sorrowful,
+there was a fluttering in the air and a rushing
+among the plants and flowers as the Zankiwank
+bounded into their presence, cutting so many
+capers that they were glad they were not to
+have mutton for dinner, as certainly all the
+capers would be destroyed.</p>
+
+<p>The Zankiwank was in very high spirits, and
+gleefully announced that the Court of the Fairies,
+with the Queen, was coming, as Sally who lived
+in somebody's alley had just informed him. Then
+he burst out singing to a tune, which I daresay you
+all know, the following foolish words:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Of all the flowers that are so smart,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">There's none like Daffydilly!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">She'd be the darling of my heart,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">But she has grown so silly!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">There is no wild flower in the land<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">That's half so tame as Daisy;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To her I'd give my heart and hand,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">But fear I'd drive her crazy!<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">And then there is the Cabbage Rose,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Also the China Aster;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But Buttercup with yellow nose<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Would cause jealous disaster.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Forget-me-not, O Violet dear!<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Primrose, you know my passion!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">For all the plants afar&mdash;anear<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">I court in flowery fashion!<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>"Oh, please be serious!" cried Willie. "<i>What</i>
+is the matter with you, Mr Zankiwank?"</p>
+
+<p>You will perceive that Willie and Maude were
+quite at home in their new surroundings, and
+nothing seemed to surprise them one whit, not
+even the unexpected which they constantly
+anticipated.</p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
+<a name="Page61" id="Page61"></a>
+<img src="images/z074.jpg" width="600" height="629" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>The Zankiwank only asked permission to send
+one more telegram to the Bletherwitch, and then
+he condescended to inform them that Queen
+Titania was about to pay a visit to the Flowers
+and the Birds, and sure enough, before he had
+done speaking, Titania arrived all the way from
+Athens, with a full train of fairies and elves,
+accompanied by a fairy band playing fairy
+music. Robin Goodfellow skipped in advance,
+while Peaseblossom, Cobweb, Moth, and Mustard-seed
+attended on the lovely Queen.</p>
+
+<p>"Indeed, indeed this must be a Midsummer
+Night's Dream!"</p>
+
+<p>"Indeed and indeed then it is," mocked the
+impudent Robin Goodfellow. "The fairies are
+not dead yet; and they never will die while
+good little girls and boys, and poets with sweet
+imaginations, live. But quick, let not the Queen
+see you! Eat of these Fern Seeds and you will
+become invisible even to the fairies. They are
+special seeds of my own growing and warranted to
+last as long as I choose."</p>
+
+<p>So Maude and Willie ate of the Fern Seeds
+and became invisible, even to the Zankiwank,
+who was dreadfully distressed and
+went about calling them by
+name. In a spirit
+of mischief Willie
+pinched his exceedingly
+thin
+legs, making him
+jump as high as
+an April rain-bow,
+and causing him to be called to order
+by the Court Usher.</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 480px;">
+<a name="Page64" id="Page64"></a>
+<img src="images/z077.jpg" width="480" height="627" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>"And now," said Titania, waving her wand and
+calling the Flowers and Birds to her Court, "let
+the Jackdaw sing his well-known War Song."</p>
+
+
+<p>"If you please,
+your majesty, I
+have left the music
+at home and forgotten
+the words,"
+pleaded the Jackdaw.</p>
+
+<p>"Very well, then
+sing it without either or you shall not have a
+new coat until the Spring."</p>
+
+<p>So the Jackdaw stepped forth and sang as
+below, while the Rook irreverently cleared his
+throat above for his friend, and cried "Caw!
+Caw!"</p>
+
+<p class="center1"><b>The Jackdaw's Jest.</b></p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">If peaches grew on apple trees,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And frogs were made of glass;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And bulls and cows were turned to bees,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And rooks were made of grass;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">If boys and girls were made of figs,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">If figs were made of dates,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Upon the sands they'd dance like grigs<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">With bald and oval pates.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">If mortals had got proper sense<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And were not quite so mad;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Their mood would make them more intense,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">To make each other glad:<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">If only they would understand<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">The things that no one knows,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">They'd live like fairies in the land,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And never come to blows.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>"That's a very nice War Song&mdash;it's so peaceful
+and soothing," spake the Queen. "And now
+call the Poets from Freeland. This is the time
+for them to renew their licences, though I greatly
+fear that they have been taking so many liberties
+of late that any licence I can give them will
+prove superfluous."</p>
+
+<p>"Superfluous! Superfluous! That <i>is</i> a good
+word," muttered the Zankiwank. "I wonder
+what it means?" Whereupon he went and asked
+Robin Goodfellow and all the other Fairies, but
+as nobody knew, it did not matter, and the Poets
+arriving at that moment he thought of a number
+and sat on a toadstool.</p>
+
+
+<p>Maude recognised several of the Poets who came
+to have their licences renewed&mdash;she had heard
+of "poetic licence" before, but never dreamed
+that one had to get the unwritten freedom from
+Fairyland. But so it was. Several of the Poets
+seemed to be exorbitant in their demands, and
+wanted to make their poems all licence, but this
+Titania would not consent to, so they went
+away singing, all in tune too, a little piece that
+Robin Goodfellow said was a Rondel:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 406px;">
+<img src="images/z077b.jpg" width="406" height="384" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Life is but a mingled song,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Sung in divers keys;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Sweet and tender, brave and strong,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">As the heart agrees.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Naught but love each maid will please<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">When emotions throng;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Life is but a mingled song,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Sung in divers keys.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Youth and age nor deem it wrong,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Sing with joyous ease,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">That your days you may prolong<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Freed from Care's decrees.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Life is but a mingled song<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Sung in divers keys.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p class="noin">So on their way they went rejoicing&mdash;saying
+pretty things to the fairies, the flowers and the
+birds, for they are their best friends you know,
+and they love all Nature with a vast and all-embracing,
+all-enduring love.</p>
+
+<p>One singer as he went along chanted half-sadly:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">To tell of other's joys the poet sings;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">To tell of Love, its sweets and eke its pain;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The tenderest songs his magic fancy strings,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Of Love, perchance, that he may never gain.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Hearts may not break and passion may be weak,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But O the grief of Love that dare never speak!<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>A light-hearted bard then took up the cue
+and carolled these lines:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">There's so much prose in life that now and then,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">A tender song of pity stirs the heart,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A simple lay of love from fevered pen,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Makes in some soul the unshed tear-drops start.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Sing, poets! sing for aye your sweetest strain,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">For life without its poetry were vain!<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>Then they all sang together a song of May,
+although Queen Titania had declared that it was
+Midsummer. Perhaps her Midsummer lasts all
+the year round:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">When Winter's gone to rest,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And Spring is our dear guest;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">The Merry May, at break of day,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Comes in gay garlands drest.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The brightest smiles she brings&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Of sweetest hopes she sings<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And trips a-pace with dainty grace<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And lightest fairy wings.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Joy is the song all Nature sighs,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Love is the light in maidens' eyes,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">May is love alway:<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The budding branch and nodding tree<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Join in the revels and bow with glee<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">To greet the Virgin May.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">While songsters choose and mate,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And woo their brides in state,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">The youth and maid stroll through the glade<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The birds to emulate!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Then comes the Queen of May,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To hold her court and sway,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">While gallant blades salute the maids,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And whisper secrets gay.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Love is the song all Nature sighs,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">While peace gleams in each maiden's eyes,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Youth is for joy alway!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The laughing rose and lily fair<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Their fragrance shed upon the air,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">As though 'twere ever May.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>As the Poets went on their happy way, the last
+one to depart turned to where Maude was standing,
+and though he could not possibly see her, said
+gently:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">O grant you, little maiden, your thoughts be aye sincere,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Your dreams turn into actions,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Your pleasures know no sear:<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Your life be flowers and sunshine,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Your days be free from tear.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>How happy it made her! And what beautiful
+things these poets always thought of and
+said!</p>
+
+<p>"Now, Peaseblossom and
+Mustard Seed, you may sing
+that little song that I made
+for you when we were floating
+up near the Moon, and
+then we shall soon have to
+depart as we have so many
+calls to make this Midsummer
+Night."</p>
+
+<p>Neither Willie nor Maude
+could understand how it
+could be Midsummer Night,
+because Midsummer Day
+was such a long way off&mdash;quite
+six weeks, for this
+was only yet the month of
+May. But they did not say anything, because
+Robin Goodfellow was looking at them, and they
+knew they were invisible, because they could
+not even feel themselves&mdash;which is a curious
+sensation, when you come to think of it.</p>
+
+<p>Now, this is the song that Peaseblossom and
+Mustard Seed sang together in unison&mdash;the fairies,
+led by Robin Good fellow, joining in the chorus:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 376px;">
+<a name="Page71" id="Page71"></a>
+<img src="images/z084.jpg" width="376" height="640" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+
+<p class="center1"><b>Will you walk into the Garden.</b></p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Will you walk into the garden?<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Said the Poppy to the Rose,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Your tender heart don't harden,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Do not elevate your nose.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">For the Gilly-flower has sent us<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">All because of your perfume,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And the Box a case has lent us,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">To make a little room.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i3">So Rosey! Rosey! sweet little posy<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Come to our garden f&ecirc;te,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">And our little Cock-roaches will lend you their coaches,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">So that you mayn't be late.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">All the Waterblinks are waiting,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Just beneath the Dogwood's shade;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">While the Teazle's loudly prating<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">To the Madder's little maid!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The old Cranberry grows tartish<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">All about a Goosefoot Corn,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But the Primrose, dressed quite smartish,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Will explain it's but a thorn.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i3">So Rosey! Rosey! sweet little posy<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Come to our garden f&ecirc;te;<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">Our naughty young nettles shall be on their fettles,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">All stinging things to bate.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Now for tea there's Perrywinkles<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And some Butterwort and Sedge,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">House-leeks and Bird's-nest-binkles,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">With some Sundew from the hedge,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">There is Sorrel, Balsam, Mallow,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Some Milk Wort and Mare's Tail too,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">With some Borage and some Sallow,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Figworts and Violets blue.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i3">So Rosey! Rosey! sweet little posy,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Come to our garden f&ecirc;te,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">And the Iris and Crocus shall sing us and joke us<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Some humorous things sedate.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>"That's all very well," exclaimed the Zankiwank.
+"Roses are always delightful, especially the
+Cabbage Roses, because you can eat them for
+breakfast, but every rose has its drawback....
+Ho! and it's thorn," he added, dancing with pain,
+for at that moment several rose bushes he was
+passing by gave him a good pricking.</p>
+
+<p>"Ah!" said Queen Titania, "that is not the
+way to look at the beautiful things of life. It is
+because the thorns have roses that we should be
+thankful, and not find fault because the roses have
+thorns."</p>
+
+<p>"That is a sentiment that I can endorse&mdash;it
+is a true bill, and almost as good as one of
+my own," replied Robin Goodfellow saucily; "and
+now let us wander through the Florange grove
+and gather some Moranges and Lemons."</p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
+<a name="Page75" id="Page75"></a>
+<img src="images/z088.jpg" width="600" height="714" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>Neither Maude nor Willie had heard of Floranges
+or Moranges, and wondered what sort of fruit
+they could be, when their attention was drawn
+once more to Queen Titania and her court of
+fairies, who were all seated beneath the greenwood
+tree eating puddings and pies that Mustard
+Seed and Peaseblossom and Cobweb were making
+for them, chanting, as they cooked the pastry by
+the fire of their own eloquence, this doggerel:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">First you take a little orange,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And you squeeze out all the pips;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Then you add a crimson florange,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Which you cut up into chips.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Then you stir them in a porringe,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">With your tiny finger tips;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And you have the finest morange<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Ever known to mortal lips.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>How Willie and Maude longed to taste a
+morange! The Zankiwank evidently enjoyed
+the one he had, for he said it tasted just like
+mango, ice cream, blackberries and plum tart
+all mixed up together, so that it must have
+been nice.</p>
+
+<p>After the feast Titania said she must be going,
+as she felt certain that there were some invisible
+mortals present. She could hear them breathing!
+At this Robin Goodfellow grew nervous, and the
+children got frightened lest the Queen should
+discover and punish them for their temerity.</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Where Christmas pudding's bliss<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">'Tis folly to eat pies,"<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p class="noin">cried Robin Goodfellow to divert attention and
+the fairies at the same time, but the Queen was
+not satisfied, and ordered a special dress train
+to carry them away again.</p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 544px;">
+<a name="Page79" id="Page79"></a>
+<img src="images/z092.jpg" width="544" height="800" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>At this moment the two children tumbled off
+nothing into a vacant space, making the Zankiwank
+scream out&mdash;"It must be the Bletherwitch in the
+clutches of the Nargalnannacus." But it wasn't,
+and if it had not been for Robin Goodfellow's
+presence of mind, I am sure I do not know
+what would have happened. That lively rascal,
+however, guessing that he had used the wrong
+seeds, at once stepped forward, and taking Maude
+and Willie each by the hand, boldly presented
+them to Her Majesty as being favoured mortals
+who were friends of the Zankiwank, and so the
+Queen received them and asked them more questions
+than you could find in any school book.
+None of which they answered, because when they
+turned round the Queen and all her court had
+vanished, and only the Zankiwank was to be
+seen.</p>
+
+<p>The Zankiwank took no notice of them whatever,
+and behaved just as though he could not
+see them. They called him by name without
+arousing his attention, for he was once more
+writing a telegram, only he did not know where
+to send it. In the distance Maude could hear
+the sound of voices, and she declared she could
+recognise the Queen singing, though Willie said
+it must have been her imagination because he
+could not. However, this is what Maude said
+she heard:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Dear little maid, may joy be thine<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">As through your life you go;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Let Truth and Peace each act design,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">That Hope turn not to woe.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Dream if you will in maiden prime,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">But let each dream be true;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">For idle hopes waste golden time,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">That won't return to you.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">In after years when ways divide,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And Love dispels each tear,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Know in some breast there will abide<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">A thought for you sincere.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">So strive, dear maid, to play your part,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">With noble aim and deed;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Let sweetness ever sway your heart,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And so I give you speed.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>While Maudie was pondering over the meaning
+of these words, she was suddenly lifted off her
+feet, and, when she recovered from the shock,
+found herself with Willie in a balloon, while
+down below the Zankiwank was fondly embracing
+the Jackarandajam, who had just arrived with
+a whole army of odd-looking people, including
+Jack-the-Giant-Killer, Tom Thumb, Blue Beard,
+and all his wives, with Sister Anne, Dick Whittington,
+and his black cat, and Tom Tiddler, and
+about three thousand four hundred and five
+goblins and sprites, who all commenced running
+a race up and down the valley from which they
+were fast speeding.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
+<a name="Page83" id="Page83"></a>
+<img src="images/z096.jpg" width="600" height="714" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>"Keep the pot a-boiling; keep the pot a-boiling,"
+bawled the Zankiwank, and away they all went
+again, helter skelter, in and out, and up and
+down, like skaters on a rink.</p>
+
+<p>Gradually the balloon altered its course, and
+instead of going up it went straight ahead to a
+large inpenetrable wall that seemed to threaten
+them with destruction; while, to the annoyance
+of both Maude and Willie, they could hear the
+revellers down below dancing and singing as
+though they were in no jeopardy. And if the
+words had been correct they would have declared
+that it was the Mariners of England who were
+singing their own song:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">You sleepy little mortals,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">High up in a balloon,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">You soon will pass the portals,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Beyond the crescent moon.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Then Shadowland will come in view,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">A dream within a dream;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">So keep in your sleep<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">While we keep up the steam;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">While the midnight hours are all a-creep,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">And we are all a-beam.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">The spirits of the fairies<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">This eve are very bright,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">For in your nest the mare is<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Who only rides by night.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Into a magic sphere you go,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">A dream within a dream.<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">So keep in your sleep,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">While we keep up the steam,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">For Shadow Land is deep and steep,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">And we are all a-beam.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>With a bump, and a thump, and a jump, the
+balloon burst against the wall, and Maude and
+Willie felt themselves dropping, dropping, dropping,
+until the Zankiwank bounced up and caught them
+both in his arms, saying as he rushed forward:&mdash;</p>
+
+
+<p>"Quick, the gates are only open for five seconds
+once a week, and if we don't get inside at once
+we shall be jammed in the door-way."</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
+<a name="Page87" id="Page87"></a>
+<img src="images/z100.jpg" width="600" height="765" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>So into Shadow Land they tumbled as the
+porter mumbled and grumbled and shut the gate
+with a boom and a bang after them.</p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 160px;">
+<img src="images/z103.jpg" width="160" height="114" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 100%;" />
+<h3><a name="Part_III" id="Part_III"></a>Part III</h3>
+
+<h2>A Visit to Shadow Land</h2>
+
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza1">
+<span class="i0">Swift as a shadow, short as any dream;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Bright as the lightning in the collied night,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">That, in a spleen, unfolds both heaven and earth,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And ere a man hath power to say "Behold!"<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The jaws of darkness do devour it up:<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">So quick bright things come to confusion.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="r0">Shakespeare.</span>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza1">
+<span class="i0">There's a crushing and a crashing&mdash;there's a flaring and a flashing,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">There's a rushing and a dashing, as if crowds were hurrying by&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">There's a screaming and a shouting, as a multitude was routing,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And phantom forms were flouting the blackness of the sky,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And in mockery their voices are lifted wild and high,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">As they lilt a merry measure while they fly.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="r0">J. L. Forrest.</span>
+</div></div>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 15%;" />
+<h2>A Visit to Shadow Land</h2>
+
+
+<p>"This," cheerily explained the Zankiwank, "is
+Shadow Land, where everything is mist,
+though nothing is ever found, because nothing is ever
+lost, for you cannot lose nothing unless you have
+nothing to gain. Consequently I shall leave you
+to find out everything else," with which nonsensical
+introduction the Zankiwank caught hold of the
+wings of a house, sprang on to the gables, and
+flew down the nearest chimney, followed by all
+the dancers they had seen below, including the
+Jackarandajam and all the residents from Story-Book
+Land of whom you can think. But if you
+cannot think of all of them yourself, ask your
+sisters to think for you.</p>
+
+<p>It certainly was a Land of Shadows, where revolving
+lights like flashes from a lighthouse sent
+all sorts of varying rays right through the mists,
+presenting to them a fresh panorama of views
+every other minute or so. The shadows danced
+all through the place, which seemed like a large
+plateau or table-land, near a magnificent stretch
+of ocean which they could see before them with
+ships passing to and fro incessantly. And all the
+time, goblins, hob, nob and otherwise, red, blue,
+and green, kept rushing backwards and forwards,
+sometimes with a whole school of children following
+madly in their wake. Such a dashing and a
+crashing was never seen or heard before, and as
+each creature carried his shadow with him, you can
+just imagine what a lot of lights and shades there
+must have been. Occasionally there would be a
+slight lull in the excitement, and the racing and
+the rushing would cease for awhile. Each time
+that there was a pause in the seemingly endless
+races, a quaint round-faced little person, dressed
+in short petticoats, sky blue stockings and a
+crimson peaked hat, stepped from Nowhere in
+particular, and either sang a song herself or
+introduced a small girl spirit, or boy spirit, who
+did so for her.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
+<a name="Page95" id="Page95"></a>
+<img src="images/z108.jpg" width="600" height="714" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>The first time, she descended on to the plateau
+on a broom, and introduced herself by throwing
+a light from the magic lantern which she carried,
+on to a sheet of water which she unfolded, and
+thereon appeared this announcement:&mdash;</p>
+
+
+<p class="center1">I am the Great Little Winny Weg.</p>
+
+<p>But as neither Willie nor Maude knew what a
+Winny Weg was, they were necessarily compelled
+to await further developments. However, as none
+came, they listened carefully to her song, which,
+as far as I can remember, was like this:&mdash;</p>
+
+
+<h3><span class="smcap">The Funny Little Man.</span></h3>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I am going to tell a story of a little girl I knew,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">She had a little sweetheart no bigger than my shoe;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">She used to sit and sew all day&mdash;he used to run and play,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And when she tried to chide him, this is all that he would say:<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">O my! Here's such a jolly spree!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Sally Water's coming with Jack Sheppard into tea,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">She's bringing Baby Bunting with old Mother Hubbard's Dog,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And little Jacky Horner with the Roly Poly Frog.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">O my! it fills my heart with glee!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The House that Jack is building isn't big enough for me!<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">In time these two got married and they took a little house,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And soon a tiny baby came, no bigger than a mouse;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But still the little husband played at skipping rope and top<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">With all the little girls and boys, and drank their ginger-pop.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">O my! this funny little Sam<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thought the world was bread and cheese, and all the trees were jam;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He stood his baby on its head, and played at shuttlecock,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And then he rocked himself to sleep with cakes of almond-rock.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">O my! he was a sniggadee!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He went to bed at one o'clock and rose at half-past three.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Now once they gave a party, and sweet Cinderella came<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">With Blue Beard and Red Riding Hood and little What's-His-Name;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And Nelly Bly who winked her eye and Greedy Tommy Stout,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Bo-Peep and Tam O'Shanter, and likewise Colin Clout.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">O my! it was a jolly spree!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Ev'ry one from Fairy Land and Fiddle Faddle Fee,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And Mary brought her Little Lamb, from which they all had chops,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">While Puck and Cupid served them with some hot boiled acid drops.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">O my! it was a happy spread,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">They all sat down on toadstools and in mushrooms went to bed.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">As time went on, and he grew grey, he took to flying kites,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And then he took to staying out so very late o' nights!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">One day he thought he was a bird and flew up in the air,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And if you listen you will hear singing now up there:&mdash;<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">O my! I'm such a funny Coon,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I'm going to get some green cheese away up in the Moon;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I'm going to see the Evening Star, to ask him why he blinks,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Also the Sun to ascertain about the things she thinks.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">O my! I feel so gay and free,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I'm going to call on Father Time and then return to tea.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 680px;">
+<a name="Page101" id="Page101"></a>
+<img src="images/z114.jpg" width="680" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>The two children were so absorbed in listening
+to this rhyming rigmarole that they did not observe
+the Winny Weg depart, though, when they
+came to think of it, the last verse was sung in the
+clouds, and presumably by the Funny Little
+Man himself, and they quite longed for him
+to pay them a call. But he didn't, so the
+goblins started off once more on their wild
+career, this time on horseback, making such
+a hammering and a clattering as almost to
+deafen them.</p>
+
+<p>Quickly in the rear of the white horses and the
+spirits, who all wore little round caps with tassels
+at the top, came a procession of dolls&mdash;wax dolls,
+wooden dolls, and saw-dust dolls, very finely
+dressed, with here and there a doll who had lost
+a leg, or an arm, or a head, while some were quite
+cripples, and had to be carried by a train of tiny
+girls in very short frocks and very long sashes.
+At the head of these appeared the Winny Weg
+again, and just as they were vanishing in the
+shadows, a regular shower of broken dolls came
+down in dreadful disorder, causing the children to
+break from their ranks to gather up their property,
+as the dolls, it was evident, were their own old
+companions which they had discarded when new
+ones were given to them. One particularly disreputable
+doll, with a broken nose and a
+very battered body, was claimed by the prettiest
+child of all, and as she picked it up, she
+stepped into the centre of a ring formed by
+her school-fellows, and recited to them this
+pathetic poem:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 440px;">
+<a name="Page103" id="Page103"></a>
+<img src="images/z116.jpg" width="440" height="800" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p class="center1"><b>The Unfortunate Doll.</b></p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">O poor Dolly! O pitty sing!<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">An' did um have a fall?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Some more tourt plaster I must bling<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Or else oo'll squeam and squall!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I never knew a doll like oo&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Oo must have been made yong;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I don't fink oo were born twite new&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Oo never have been stwong!<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I held oo to the fire one day<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">To make oose body warm;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And melted oose poor nose away&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And then oo lost oose form.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Yen some yude boy, to my surplise,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Said oo had dot a stwint;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And yen he painted both oose eyes<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And wapped oo up in lint.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Your yosey cheeks were nets to fade,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Oose blush bedan to do;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And now I'm welly much aflaid<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Oose lost oose big yight toe.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Oose left leg is no longer left,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Oose yight arm's left oo too;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And of your charm oo is beyeft,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And no doll tums to woo!<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">And oose a hollow little fing,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Oose saw-dust has yun out;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Your stweak is gone, oo cannot sing,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Oose lips tan't form a pout.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Oose hair is dyed, an' all is done,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Oose ears are in oose neck;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' so my Dolly, darling one,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Oo <i>is</i> a fearful weck.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It is too bad&mdash;I loved oo so&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">That oo should die so soon,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An' to the told, told drave must do<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">This velly afternoon!<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
+<a name="Page106" id="Page106"></a>
+<img src="images/z119.jpg" width="600" height="800" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>After this affecting recital they all took out
+their "hankelwiches," as the owner of the Unfortunate
+Doll said, and placing themselves in line,
+they followed, as mourners, the remains of the
+deceased doll to the end of a back garden,
+which some of the goblins had brought in with
+them. Then everything faded away again, and
+more shadows danced on the land and the sea,
+until nothing was to be seen but the galloping
+sprites and the Winny Weg, who was dancing in
+a corner all by herself.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;">
+<a name="Page107" id="Page107"></a>
+<img src="images/z120.jpg" width="640" height="427" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>A pink light now burst through the haze, the
+goblins rode off, and a perfect fairy-land nursery
+was unfolded before Maude and Willie, who were
+reclining peacefully on a golden couch with silver
+cushions. They had no desire to talk, but were
+content to drink in all that they saw rapturously
+and silently. The nursery was crowded, wee
+baby-kins were crawling about everywhere, with
+a dozen coy cupid-like dots with bows and
+arrows. And right away at the back a beautiful
+garden was disclosed, in which happy young
+couples were seen perambulating arm-in-arm,
+talking soft nothings to each other. Meanwhile
+the crawling babies in the Universal Nursery
+began to stand up; and then commenced such
+a game of leap-frog by these tiny mites, that
+made even the Cheshire Cat smile. It was so
+funny to hear these dots call out to each other
+to tuck in their "tuppennies," and to see them
+flying, without stopping to take breath, over each
+other's backs. Even the little pink and blue
+cupids laughed until the babies crept back to
+their cribs once more, and were rocked off to
+sleep as the Winny Weg waved her wand, and
+an unseen choir of little girls and boys was
+heard singing this Lullaby:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 480px;">
+<a name="Page108" id="Page108"></a>
+<img src="images/z121.jpg" width="480" height="300" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+
+<h3><span class="smcap">O We are so Sleepy!</span></h3>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">O we are so sleepy!<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Blinky, winky eyes:<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Why are you so peepy<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Ere the twilight dies?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">See! the dustman calleth<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">As the shadows creep;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Eve's dark mantle falleth,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And we long to sleep.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i3">To sleep! To sleep!<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">O we are so sleepy!<br /></span>
+<span class="i5">Blinky, winky eyes:<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Why are you so peepy<br /></span>
+<span class="i5">Ere the twilight dies?<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">O we are so sleepy:<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Nodding is each head,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Playing at bo-peepy,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Now the day is sped.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Birdies in their nesties<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Rest in slumber deep;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Nodland's full of guesties<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">When we go to sleep.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i3">To sleep! To sleep!<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">O we are so sleepy!<br /></span>
+<span class="i5">Blinky, winky eyes:<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Why are you so peepy<br /></span>
+<span class="i5">When the twilight dies?<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>The slight mist that had descended went up
+just like a gauze curtain, bringing into view
+again the lovely garden reposing in the rear in a
+beautiful green bath of light.</p>
+
+<p>Then the merry Winny Weg caught hold of the
+cupids and incited them to dance a slow gavotte,
+and as they danced they warbled lusciously:&mdash;</p>
+
+<h3><span class="smcap">Cupid's Garden.</span></h3>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">O chaste and sweet are the flowers that blow<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">In Cupid's Garden fair;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Shy Pansies for thoughts in clusters grow,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And Lilies pure and rare.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Violets white, and Violets blue,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And budding Roses red,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">With Orange-bloom of tend'rest hue<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Their fragrance gently spread.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>Other voices, which seemed to belong to the lads
+and lasses in the garden, joined in the chorus:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i3">Love is born of the Lily and Rose,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Love in a garden springs;<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">With maidens pure and bright it grows,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">And in all hearts it sings.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Love lies Bleeding with Maiden's Blush,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Sighing Forget-me-not;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">While the Gentle Heart with crimson flush<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Peeps from its cooling grot.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And Love lies dreaming in idleness<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">To gain its own Heart's-Ease;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The Zephyrs breathe with shy caress,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Each youthful breast to please.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i3">Love is born of the Lily and Rose,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Love in a garden springs;<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">With maidens pure and bright it grows,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">And for all hearts it sings.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>How delicious and soothing Shadow Land was!
+Shadow Land! The Land of Yesterday, To-Day
+and To-morrow. The Land of Hope, and Joy and
+Peace. The two children wandered off, as it were,
+into a dream for a time, and when they gazed
+again, the garden was more delightful than ever&mdash;a
+joyous blend of Spring and Summer seemed to
+invade the grounds, while many of the flowers and
+trees showed slight signs of Autumn tinting. In
+one corner of the garden a magnificent marble and
+bronze fountain unexpectedly sprang up through
+the ground and played unceasingly to the ethereal
+skies. Merry children danced and played around
+its base, and lovers young and old promenaded
+affectionately up and down the innumerable
+groves, stopping now and then to offer each other
+a draught of the sparkling water that fell so
+deliciously into the amber cups.</p>
+
+<p>There were no shadows now. All was bright
+and glorious; sunlight and pleasure reigned
+supreme. From the clouds unseen singers sang
+softly to the people as they passed and repassed,
+and this was the story of their song:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">In a garden stood a fountain,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Sparkling in the noon-day sun,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Rising like a crystal mountain&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Never ceasing&mdash;never done!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Happy children came there playing,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Laughing in their frolic glee;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">'Mong the flow'rs and brambles straying,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Tasting life's sweet ecstasy.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i5">O fountain pure and bright,<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Dance in the joyous sun;<br /></span>
+<span class="i5">And sparkle in your might,<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Until all life is done.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">In the summer came the lovers,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Plighting troth beneath its shade;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Warm heart's secret each discovers&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Happy youth and happy maid!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Plays the fount so soft and featly<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">In the breeze of waning day,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">As the lovers whisper sweetly,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">"I will love you, love alway."<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i5">O fountain pure and bright,<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Dance in the joyous sun;<br /></span>
+<span class="i5">And sparkle in your might<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Until all life is done.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">In the winter, cold and dreary,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Cease the waters in their play;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But the lovers, grey and weary,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Seek the tryst of yesterday!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Time and tide flow on for ever,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Heedless of man's joy or pain;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">But beyond the tideless river<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Trusting hearts will meet again.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i5">O fountain pure and bright,<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Dance in the joyous sun;<br /></span>
+<span class="i5">And sparkle in your might,<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">Until all life is done.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>The voices faded and died away; the scene
+changed and a purple curtain descended, hiding
+everything and everybody except the Winny Weg.
+An extraordinary commotion outside warned the
+half-dozing children that a fresh flight of goblins
+might be expected. And sure enough in stalked
+an army of giants from one side, who were met by
+an army of dwarfs from the other, the latter on
+stilts. But the curious thing about them was that
+the giants had only got one eye, which was stuck
+on the ends of their noses, while the dwarfs had
+their eyes where their ears ought to be, and their
+ears in the place usually reserved for the eyes.
+Besides which they each had a large horn fixed in
+the middle of their foreheads.</p>
+
+<p>Both armies expressed surprise at seeing each
+other, the leaders of which said quite calmly, as
+though they were asking one another to have a
+penny bun cut up in four between them&mdash;both
+said quite calmly&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I suppose we must fight now we have met?"</p>
+
+<p>Upon hearing this the Winny Weg mounted
+her broom-stick and flew up out of harm's way.</p>
+
+<p>And then commenced the most terrible battle
+ever seen on land or sea. They fought with
+penknives and darning-needles, the battle lasted
+half an hour, and only one stilt was injured. So
+they began again, using coal scuttles and tongs,
+and the din was so fearful, and the giants and the
+dwarfs got so mixed up that a railway train
+filled with Shadows of the Past rushed on and sent
+both armies flying. Then the shadows deepened
+and deepened, and the lightning flashed, the
+thunders crashed, the sea roared, and a great red
+cavern opened and swallowed up everything, including
+Maude and Willie, who certainly were
+not quite awake to what was going forward, and
+all they could recollect of the occurrence was
+that they saw the winkles and the shrimps on the
+sea-shore playing at bowls with the cockles.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
+<a name="Page117" id="Page117"></a>
+<img src="images/z130.jpg" width="600" height="686" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 100%;" />
+<h3><a name="Part_IV" id="Part_IV"></a>Part IV</h3>
+
+<h2>The Land of Topsy Turvey</h2>
+
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza1">
+<span class="i0">In the noon of night, o'er the stormy hills<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">The fairy minstrels play;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And the strains replete with fantastic dreams,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">On the wild gusts flit away.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Then the sleeper thinks, as the dreamful song<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">On the blast to his slumber comes,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">That his nose as the church's spire is long,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And like its organ hums!<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="r0">R. D. Williams.</span>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza1">
+<span class="i0">Wouldst know what tricks, by the pale moonlight,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Are played by one, the merry little Sprite?<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I wing through air from the camp to the court,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">From King to clown, and of all make sport,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Singing I am the Sprite<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Of the merry midnight<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Who laughs at weak mortals and loves the moonlight.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="r0">Thomas Moore.</span>
+</div></div>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 15%;" />
+<h2>The Land of Topsy Turvey</h2>
+
+
+<p>If Maude and Willie had been in a state of
+somnolency during their sojourn in Shadow
+Land, they felt themselves very much awake on
+reaching the land of Topsy Turvey. They knew
+they were in Topsy Turvey Land because they
+were greeted with a jingling chorus to that effect
+immediately they opened their eyes:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">O this is Topsy Turvey Land,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Where ev'ry one is gay and bland,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And day is always night.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">We welcome to all strangers give,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">For by their custom we must live,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Because we're so polite.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">O this is Topsy Turvey Land,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And all our goods are in demand,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">By mortal, fay and sprite.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Our novelties are warranted,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And through the land their fame is spread,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Because we're so polite.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>Surely they had been whisked back to Charing
+Cross again without knowing it? The long wide
+thoroughfare in which the children now found
+themselves was just like one of the main shopping
+streets in London. Some parts reminded them
+of Regent Street, some of the Strand, and some
+of Oxford Street. Yes, and there was the Lowther
+Arcade, only somehow a little different. It was
+odd. Toy shops, novelty stores, picture shops,
+and shops of all sorts and sizes greeted them on
+either hand. Moreover, there were the shopkeepers
+and their assistants, and crowds of people
+hurrying by, jostling the loungers and the gazers;
+and the one policeman, who was talking to a fat
+person in a print gown who was standing at the
+area steps of the only private house they could
+see. They were wondering what they should do
+when the policeman cried out:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Come along there! Now then, move on!"
+How rude of him. However, they "moved on,"
+and were nearly knocked down by the Zankiwank,
+who darted into the post-office to receive a telegram
+and to send one in reply.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
+<a name="Page123" id="Page123"></a>
+<img src="images/z136.jpg" width="600" height="780" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>They followed him, of course; they knew the
+telegram was from the Bletherwitch, and the
+Zankiwank read it out to them:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class="nblockquot">"Fashions in bonnets changed. Have ordered
+six mops. Don't forget the cauliflower.
+Postpone the wedding at once. No
+cards."</p>
+
+<p>"Now what does that mean," murmured the
+expectant bridegroom. "My Bletherwitch cannot
+be well. I'll send her some cough lozenges."
+So he wrote a reply and despatched it:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class="nblockquot">"Take some cough drops every five minutes.
+Have ordered cucumber for supper. Pay
+the cabman and come by electricity."</p>
+
+<p>"That certainly should induce her to come,
+don't you think so? She is so very sensitive.
+Well, I must not be impatient, she is exceedingly
+charming when you catch her in the right
+mood."</p>
+
+<p>Maude scarcely believed that the Bletherwitch
+could possess so many charms, or she would not
+keep her future husband waiting so long for her.
+But she knew it was useless offering any advice
+on so delicate a subject, so she and Willie begged
+the Zankiwank to be their guide and to show them
+the Lions of Topsy Turvey, which he readily
+agreed to do.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 675px;">
+<a name="Page126" id="Page126"></a>
+<img src="images/z139.jpg" width="675" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>And now, as they left the post-office, they
+turned their attention to the shops and were
+surprised to read the names over the windows
+of several individuals they had already met in
+the train. For instance, the Wimble lived next
+door to the Wamble, and each one had printed
+in the window a very curious legend.</p>
+
+<p>This is what the Wamble had:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class="center1">Good Resolutions Bought, Sold<br />
+and Exchanged.</p>
+
+<p class="center">A FEW BAD, AND SOME SLIGHTLY DAMAGED,<br />
+TO BE DISPOSED OF&mdash;A BARGAIN.</p>
+
+<p class="center"><i>No connection with the business next door.</i></p>
+
+<p>While the Wimble stated the nature of his wares
+as follows:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class="center1">Bad Resolutions Bought, Sold<br />
+and Exchanged.</p>
+
+<p class="center">A FEW GOOD, AND SOME SLIGHTLY INDIFFERENT,<br />
+TO BE DISPOSED OF&mdash;A BARGAIN.</p>
+
+<p class="center"><i>No connection with the business next door.</i></p>
+
+<p>"No connection with the business next door,"
+repeated Willie.</p>
+
+<p>"Why, you told us that they were brothers&mdash;twins,"
+indignantly cried Maude.</p>
+
+<p>"So they are! So they are! Don't you see
+they are twins from a family point of view only.
+In business, of course, they are desperately opposed
+to each other. That is why they are so prosperous,"
+explained the Zankiwank.</p>
+
+<p>"Are they prosperous? I never heard of such
+a thing as buying and selling Resolutions. How
+can one buy a Good Resolution?" enquired Maude.</p>
+
+<p>"Or exchange Bad Resolutions," said Willie.
+"It is quite wicked."</p>
+
+<p>"Not at all. Not at all. So many people
+make Good Resolutions and never carry
+them out, therefore if there were no place
+where you could dispose of them they would
+be wasted."</p>
+
+<p>"But Bad Resolutions? Nobody makes Bad
+Resolutions&mdash;at least they ought not to, and I
+don't believe it is true!"</p>
+
+<p>"Pardon me," interrupted the Zankiwank. "If
+you make a Good Resolution and don't carry it
+out&mdash;doesn't it become a Bad Resolution? Answer
+me that."</p>
+
+<p>This, however, was an aspect of the question
+that had never occurred to them, and they were
+unable to reply.</p>
+
+<p>"It seems to me to be nonsense&mdash;and worse
+than nonsense&mdash;for one brother to deal in Bad
+Resolutions and the other in Good Resolutions.
+Why do not they become a Firm and mix the two
+together?" responded Maude.</p>
+
+<p>"You horrify me! Mix the Good and the
+Bad together? That would never do. The Best
+Resolutions in the world would be contaminated
+if they were all warehoused under one roof.
+Besides, the Wimble is himself full of Good
+Resolutions, so that he can mingle with the Bad
+without suffering any evil, while the Wamble is
+differently constituted!"</p>
+
+<p>The children did not understand the Zankiwank's
+argument a bit&mdash;it all seemed so ridiculous.
+A sudden thought occurred to Willie.</p>
+
+<p>"Who, then, collects the Resolutions?"</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, a person of no Resolution whatever. He
+commenced life with only one Resolution, and he
+lost it, or it got mislaid, or he never made use of
+it, or something equally unfortunate, and so he was
+christened Want of Resolution, and he does the
+collecting work very well, considering all things."</p>
+
+<p>No doubt the Zankiwank knew what he was
+talking about, but as the children did not&mdash;what
+did it signify? Therefore they asked no more
+questions, but went along the street marvelling at
+all they saw. The next shop at which they
+stopped was kept by</p>
+
+<p class="center1">Jorumgander the Younger,<br />
+Dealer in Magic and Mystery.</p>
+
+<p>"Jorumgander the Younger is not of much use
+now," said the Zankiwank sorrowfully. "He chiefly
+aims at making a mystery of everything, but so
+many people not engaged in trade make a mystery
+of nothing every day, that he is sadly handicapped.
+And most sensible people hate a mystery of any
+kind, unless it belongs to themselves, so that he
+finds customers very shy. Once upon a time he
+would get hold of a simple story and turn it into
+such a gigantic mystery that all the world would
+be mystified. But those happy days are gone,
+and he thinks of turning his business into a
+company to sell Original Ideas, when he knows
+where to find them."</p>
+
+<p>"I don't see what good can come of making
+a mystery of anything&mdash;especially if anything is
+true," sagaciously remarked Maude.</p>
+
+<p>"But <i>anything</i> is not true. Nor is <i>anything</i>
+untrue. There is the difficulty. If anything were
+true, nothing would be untrue, and then where
+should we be?"</p>
+
+<p>"Nowhere," said Willie without thinking.</p>
+
+<p>"Exactly. That is just where we are now,
+and a very nice place it is. There is one thing,
+however, that Jorumgander the Younger&mdash;there
+he is with the pink eye-brows and green nose.
+Don't say anything about his personal appearance.
+What I was going to say he will say
+instead. It is a habit we have occasionally.
+He is my grandfather, you know."</p>
+
+<p>"Your grandfather! What! that young man?
+Why, he is not more than twenty-two and three
+quarters, I'm sure," replied Maude.</p>
+
+<p>"You are right. He <i>is</i> twenty-two and three
+quarters. You don't quite understand our relationships.
+The boy, as you have no doubt heard,
+is father to the man. Very well. I am the man.
+When he was a boy on my aunt's side he was
+father to me. That's plain enough. He has
+grown older since then, though he is little more
+than a boy in discretion still, therefore he is my
+grandfather."</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 335px;">
+<a name="Page133" id="Page133"></a>
+<img src="images/z146.jpg" width="335" height="640" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>"How very absurdly you do talk, Mr Zankiwank,"
+laughed Willie; "but here is your
+grandfather," and at that moment Jorumgander
+the Younger left his shop and approached
+them with a case of pens which he offered for
+sale.</p>
+
+<p>"Try my Magic Pens. They are the best in
+the market, because there are no others. There
+is no demand for
+them, and few folk
+will have them for
+a gift. Therefore I
+can highly recommend
+them."</p>
+
+<p>"How can you recommend
+your pens,
+when you declare
+that nobody will buy them?"
+demanded Willie.</p>
+
+<p>"Because they are a
+novelty. They are Magic
+Pens, you know, and of
+course as nobody possesses
+any, they must be rare.
+That is logic, I think."</p>
+
+<p>"Buy one," said the Zankiwank,
+"he has not had
+any supper yet."</p>
+
+<p>"In what way are they Magic Pens?" enquired
+Maude.</p>
+
+<p>"Ah! I thought I should find a customer between
+Michaelmas and May Day," cried Jorumgander
+the Younger, quite cheerfully. "The beauty
+of these pens is that they never tell a story."</p>
+
+<p>"But suppose you want to write a story?"</p>
+
+<p>"That is a different thing. If you have the
+ability to write a story you won't want a Magic
+Pen. These pens are only for every-day use. For
+example: if you want to write to your charwoman
+to tell her you have got the toothache, and you
+haven't got the toothache, the Magic Pen refuses
+to lend itself to telling a&mdash;a&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Crammer," suggested Willie.</p>
+
+<p>"Crammer. Thank you. I don't know what
+it means, but crammer is the correct word. The
+Magic Pen will simplify the truth whether you
+wish to tell it or not."</p>
+
+<p>"I do not understand," whispered Maude.</p>
+
+<p>"Let me try to explain," said Jorumgander the
+Younger politely. "The Magic Pen will only
+write exactly what you think&mdash;what is in your
+mind, what you ought to say, whether you wish to
+or not."</p>
+
+<p>"A very useful article, I am sure," said the
+Zankiwank. "I gave six dozen away last Christmas,
+but nobody used them after a few days, and
+I can't think why."</p>
+
+<p>"Ah!" sighed Jorumgander the Younger, "and
+I have had all my stock returned on my hands.
+The first day I opened my shop I sold more than
+I can remember. And the next morning all the
+purchasers came and wanted their money back.
+They said if they wanted to tell the truth, they
+knew how to do it, and did not want to be taught
+by an evil-disposed nib. But I am afraid they
+were not speaking the truth then, at any rate.
+Here, let me make you a present of one a-piece,
+and you can write and tell me all about yourselves
+when you go home. Meanwhile, as the streets are
+crowded, and our policeman is not looking, let us
+sing a quiet song to celebrate the event."</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">We sing of the Magic Pen<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">That never tells a story,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">That in the hands of men<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Would lead them on to glory.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">For what you ought to do,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And you should all be saying,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">In fact of all things true<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">This pen will be bewraying.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i3">So let us sing a roundelay&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Pop goes the Weazel;<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">Treacle's four pence a pound to-day,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Which we think should please all.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>What the chorus had to do with the song nobody
+knew, but they all sang it&mdash;everybody in the
+street, and all the customers in the shops as well,
+and even the policeman sang the last line.</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">You take it in your hand<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And set yourself a-writing;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">No matter what you've planned,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">The truth 'twill be inditing.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And thus you cannot fail,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">To speak your mind correctly,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And honestly you'll sail,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">But never indirectly.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i3">So let us sing a roundelay&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Pop goes the Weazel;<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">Treacle's four pence a pound to-day,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Which we think will please all!<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>Again everybody danced and sang till the
+policeman told them to "move on," when Jorumgander
+the Younger put up his shutters and went
+away.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 15%;' />
+
+<p>"A most original man," exclaimed the Zankiwank;
+"he ought to have been a postman!"</p>
+
+<p>"A postman!&mdash;why?"</p>
+
+<p>"Because he was always such a capital boy with
+his letters. He knew his alphabet long before he
+could spell, and now he knows every letter you can
+think of."</p>
+
+<p>"I don't see anything very original in that,"
+said Willie. "There are only twenty-six letters
+in the English language that he can know!"</p>
+
+<p>"Only twenty-six letters! Dear me, why
+millions of people are writing fresh letters every
+day, and he knows them all directly he sees them!
+I hope you will go to school some day and learn
+differently from that! Only twenty-six letters,"
+repeated the Zankiwank in wonderment, "only
+twenty-six letters." Then he cried suddenly,
+"How convenient it would be if everybody was
+his own Dictionary!"</p>
+
+<p>"That is impossible. One cannot be a book."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh yes, nothing simpler. Let everybody
+choose his own words and give his own meaning
+to them!"</p>
+
+<p>"What use would that be?" asked Willie.</p>
+
+<p>"None whatever, because if you always had
+your own meaning you would not want anybody
+else to be meaning anything! What a lot of
+trouble that would save! I'll ask the Jackarandajam
+to make one for me&mdash;why, here he is!"</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;">
+<a name="Page138" id="Page138"></a>
+<img src="images/z151.jpg" width="640" height="335" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>The children recognised the Jackarandajam
+immediately and shook hands with him.</p>
+
+<p>"I am so glad to see you all. I have just been
+suffering from a most severe attack of Inspiration."</p>
+
+<p>"How very inexplicable&mdash;I beg your pardon,"
+moaned the Zankiwank. "It is a little difficult,
+but it is, I believe, a strictly proper word&mdash;though
+I do not pretend to know its meaning."</p>
+
+<p>The Jackarandajam accepted the apology by
+gracefully bowing, though neither felt quite at ease.</p>
+
+<p>"What is the use of saying things you don't
+mean?" asked Maude.</p>
+
+<p>"None at all, that is the best of it, because we
+are always doing something without any reason."</p>
+
+<p>To attempt to argue with the Zankiwank Maude
+knew was futile, so she merely enquired how the
+Jackarandajam felt after his attack of Inspiration,
+and what he took for it.</p>
+
+<p>"Nothing," was the simple rejoinder. "It comes
+and it goes, and there you are&mdash;at least most of
+the time."</p>
+
+<p>"What is Inspiration?" said Willie.</p>
+
+<p>The Zankiwank and the Jackarandajam both
+shook their heads in a solemn manner, and looked
+as wise as the Sphinx. Then the former answered
+slowly and deliberately&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Inspiration is the sort of thing that comes
+when you do not fish for it."</p>
+
+<p>"But," said Willie, who did not quite see the
+force of the explanation, "you can't fish for a great
+many things and of course nothing comes. How
+do you manage then?"</p>
+
+<p>This was a decided poser, beating them at their
+own game, so the Zankiwank sent another telegram,
+presumably to the Bletherwitch, and the
+Jackarandajam made a fresh cigarette, which he
+carefully refrained from smoking. Then he turned
+to the two children and said mournfully&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Have you seen my new invention? Ah! it
+was the result of my recent attack of Inspiration.
+Come with me and I will show you." Thereupon
+he led the way to a large square, with a nice garden
+in the centre, where all the houses had bills outside
+to inform the passers by that these</p>
+
+<p class="center1">Desirable Revolving Residences<br />
+were to be<br />
+LET or SOLD.</p>
+
+<p>"All my property. I had the houses built
+myself from my own plans. Come inside the
+first."</p>
+
+<p>So they followed the Jackarandajam and
+entered the first house.</p>
+
+<p>"The great advantage of these houses," he
+declared, "is that you can turn them round to
+meet the sun at will. They are constructed on
+a new principle, being fixed on a pivot. You
+see I turn this handle by the hall door, and
+Hey Presto! we are looking into the back
+garden, while the kitchen is round at the front!"</p>
+
+<p>And such was the fact! The house would
+move any way one wished simply by turning
+the electric handle.</p>
+
+<p>"It is so convenient, you see, if you don't
+want to be at home to any visitor. When you
+see anyone coming up the garden path, you
+move the crank and away you go, and your
+visitor, to his well-bred consternation, finds himself
+gazing in at the kitchen window. And then
+he naturally departs with many misgivings as
+to the state of his health. Especially if the
+cook is taken by surprise. You should never
+take a cook by surprise. It always spoils her
+photograph."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh dear! Oh dear!" cried Maude, "why
+will you say such contradictory things! I don't
+see the sense of having such a house at all. It
+would upset things so."</p>
+
+<p>"Besides," chimed in Willie, "you would never
+have any aspect or prospect."</p>
+
+<p>"Are they both good to eat?" said the Jackarandajam,
+eagerly.</p>
+
+<p>"Of course not. I meant that your house
+would first be facing the East, and then South,
+and then West, and then North, and what would
+be the use of that?"</p>
+
+<p>"No use whatever. That's why we do it. Oh,
+but do not laugh. We are not quite devoid of
+reason, because we are all mad!"</p>
+
+<p>"Are you really mad?"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," was the gay response, "we don't mind
+it a bit. We are all as crooked as a teetotaler's
+corkscrew! I am glad you do not like the
+Revolving Houses, because I am going to sell
+them to the Clerk of the Weather and his eight
+new assistants!"</p>
+
+<p>"I did not know the Clerk of the Weather
+required any assistance," exclaimed Willie, though
+personally he did not know the Clerk of the
+Weather.</p>
+
+<p>"Oh yes, he must have assistants. He does
+things so badly, and with eight more he will, if
+he is careful, do them worse."</p>
+
+<p>Here was another one of those contradictions
+that the children could not understand. I hope
+you can't, because I don't myself, generally. The
+Jackarandajam went on reflectively:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"It is bound to happen. The Clerk of the
+Weather has only one assistant now, and it
+takes the two of them to do a Prog&mdash;Prog&mdash;don't
+interrupt me&mdash;a Prog&mdash;Prognostication!&mdash;phew,
+what a beautiful word!&mdash;Prognostication ten
+minutes now. Therefore it stands to reason, as
+the Sun Dial remarked, that nine could do it in
+much less time!"</p>
+
+<p>"You will excuse me," halloed the Zankiwank
+down the next door dining-room chimney, "I
+beg to differ from you. That is to say on the
+contrary. For instance:&mdash;If it takes two people
+ten minutes to do a prog&mdash;you must fill in the
+rest yourself&mdash;prog&mdash;of course, as there are so
+many more to do the same thing, it must take
+them forty-five minutes."</p>
+
+<p>"What a brain," exclaimed the Jackarandajam,
+ecstatically; "he ought to have been born a Calculating
+Machine. He beats Euclid and that
+fellow named Smith on all points. I never
+thought of it in the light of multiplying the
+addition."</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
+<a name="Page145" id="Page145"></a>
+<img src="images/z158.jpg" width="600" height="750" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>"More nonsense," observed Willie to Maude.
+"What does it all mean?" They looked out of
+window and saw the Zankiwank arguing with
+the Clerk of the Weather and the Weather
+Cock on top of the vane of a large building
+outside. Every minute they expected to see
+them tumble down, but they did not, so to cheer
+them up the Jackarandajam stood on his head
+and sang them this comic song:&mdash;</p>
+
+
+<h3><span class="smcap">The Clerk of the Weather.</span></h3>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">The Clerk of the Weather went out to walk<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">All down Victoria Street;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Of late his ways had caused much talk,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And chatter indiscreet.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">So he donned a suit of mingled sleet,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">With a dash of falling snow,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">A rainy tie, and a streaky skye<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Which barked where'er he'd go.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p class="noin">Then, to the surprise of Willie and Maude, the
+Jackarandajam began to dance wildly, while the
+Weather Cock sang as follows:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i3">O cock-a-doodle-doo!<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">The weather will be fine&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">If it does not sleet or hail or snow,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">And if it does not big guns blow,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">And the sun looks out to shine.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>The Jackarandajam stood on his head again
+and sang the second verse:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Wrapt up in his thoughts he went along,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">His manner sad and crossed;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">With a windy strain he hummed a song,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Of thunderbolts and frost.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He strode with a Barometrical stride,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">With forecasts on his brow;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Till he tripped up Short upon a slide,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Which made him vow a vow.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p class="noin">The Weather Cock at once sang the chorus and
+the Jackarandajam danced as before.</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i3">O Cock-a-doodle-doo!<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">The weather will be fine&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">If there is no fog, or drenching rain,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">And thunder does not boom again,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">And the sun looks out to shine.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>Now came the third and last verse:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">His prophesies got all mixed and mulled,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">The Moon began to blink;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And all his faculties were dulled<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">When he saw the Dog Star wink!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And up on the steeple tall and black<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">The Weather Cock he crew!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He crew and he crowed till he fell in the road,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">O cock-a-doodle-doo!<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p class="noin">And sure enough the Weather Cock did tumble
+into the road, and the Clerk of the Weather and
+the Zankiwank tumbled helter skelter after him.
+Immediately they got up again and rushed
+through the window, and catching hold of the
+children, they whirled them round and round,
+singing the final chorus all together:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i3">O cock-a-doodle-doo!<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">The weather will be fine&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">If lightning does not flash on high,<br /></span>
+<span class="i3">Nor gloomy be the azure sky,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">And the sun peeps out to shine.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p class="noin">After which they all disappeared except the
+Zankiwank, and once again they found themselves
+in the street.</p>
+
+<p>"They were both wrong," muttered the Zankiwank
+to himself, "and yet one was right."</p>
+
+<p>"How could they both be wrong then? One
+was right? Very well. Then only one was
+wrong," corrected Maude.</p>
+
+<p>"No, they were both wrong&mdash;because I was
+the right one after all. Besides, you can't always
+prove a negative, can you?"</p>
+
+<p>"How tiresome of you! You only mentioned
+two and now say three. I do not believe you
+know what you do mean."</p>
+
+<p>"Not often, sometimes, by accident, you know&mdash;only
+do not tell anybody else."</p>
+
+<p>"You are certainly very extraordinary persons&mdash;that
+is all I can say," said Willie. "You do
+not do anything quite rationally or naturally."</p>
+
+<p>"Naturally. Why should we? We are the
+great Middle Classes&mdash;neither alive nor dead.
+Betwixt and between. Half and half, you know,
+for now we are in the Spirit World only known
+to poets and children. But do come along, or
+the bicycles will start without us, and we have
+an appointment to keep."</p>
+
+<p>Now, how could one even try to tell such an
+eccentric creature as the Zankiwank that he was
+all wrong and talking fables and fibs and tarra-diddles?
+Neither of them attempted to correct
+these erroneous ideas, but wondering where they
+were going next, Maude and Willie mounted the
+bicycles that came as if by magic, and rode off
+at a terrific rate, though they had never ridden
+a machine before.</p>
+
+<p>They were almost out of breath when the
+Zankiwank called out "stop," and away went
+the bicycles, and they found themselves standing
+in front of an immense edifice with a sign-board
+swinging from the gambrel roof, on which was
+painted in large golden letters&mdash;</p>
+
+
+<p class="center1">Time was meant for Slaves.</p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 516px;">
+<a name="Page151" id="Page151"></a>
+<img src="images/z164.jpg" width="516" height="800" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>There was no opportunity to ascertain what the
+sign meant, for all at once there darted out of
+the shop Mr Swinglebinks with whom they
+had travelled from Charing Cross.</p>
+
+<p>"Don't waste your time like that! Make haste,
+let me have five minutes. I am in a hurry."</p>
+
+<p>"Have you got five minutes to spare?" asked
+the Zankiwank of Maude.</p>
+
+<p>"Oh yes," she replied. "Why?"</p>
+
+<p>"Let me have them at once then. A gentleman
+left twenty-five minutes behind him yesterday and
+I want to make up half-an-hour for a regular
+customer!" screamed Mr Swinglebinks to the
+bewildered children.</p>
+
+<p>"But&mdash;but&mdash;O what do you mean? I have got
+five minutes to spare and I'll devote them to you if
+you like, but I <i>can't</i> give them to you as though
+they were a piece of toffee," answered Maude with
+much perplexity, while Willie stood awe-struck, not
+comprehending Mr Swinglebinks in the least.</p>
+
+<p>"Time is a tough customer, you know. He is
+here, he is there, he is gone! He is, he was, he
+will be. Yet you cannot trap Time, for he is
+like a sunbeam," muttered the Zankiwank as
+though he never was short of Time.</p>
+
+<p>"There, that five minutes is gone&mdash;wasted,
+passed into the vast vacuum of eternity! With my
+friend Shakespeare of Stratford-on-Avon I can tell
+you all about time!  'Time travels in divers paces
+with divers persons. I'll tell you who Time ambles
+withal, who Time trots withal, who Time gallops
+withal, and who he stands still withal!' Oh, I
+know Father Time and all his tricks. I have
+counted the Sands of Time. I supply him with
+his Hour Glass. Don't you apprehend me?"</p>
+
+<p>They certainly did not. Mr Swinglebinks was
+more mystifying than all the other persons they had
+encountered put together. So they made no reply.</p>
+
+<p>"I am collecting Time. Time, so my copy
+books told me, was meant for Slaves. I always
+felt sorry for the Slaves. They have no Time,
+you know, because it is meant for them. Lots
+of things are meant for you, only you won't get
+them. Britons never will be Slaves, so they'll
+never want for Time. However, as Time was
+meant for Slaves, I mean to let them have as
+much as I can. So every spare minute or two
+I can get, I of course send them over to them."</p>
+
+<p>"It is ridiculous. You cannot measure time
+and cut off a bit like that," ventured Willie.</p>
+
+<p>"Oh yes, you can. A client of mine was laid
+up the other day&mdash;in fact he was in bed for a
+fortnight, so, as he had no use for the time he
+had on hand before him, he just went to sleep
+and sent ten days round to me!"</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, Mr Zankiwank, what is this gentleman
+saying?" said Maude.</p>
+
+<p>"It's all perfectly true," answered the Zankiwank.
+"You often hear of somebody who has
+half an hour to spare, don't you?"</p>
+
+<p>"Of course."</p>
+
+<p>"Very good. Sometimes you will hear, too, of
+somebody who has lost ten minutes."</p>
+
+<p>"I see," said Willie.</p>
+
+<p>"And somebody else will tell you they do not
+know what to do with their Time?"</p>
+
+<p>"Go on," cried both children, more puzzled than
+ever.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, instead of letting all the Time be wasted,
+Mr Swinglebinks has opened his exchange to
+receive all the spare time he can, and this he
+distributes amongst those who want an hour or a
+day or a week. But they have to pay for it&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Pay for it?"</p>
+
+<p>"Time is money," called out Mr Swinglebinks.</p>
+
+<p>"There you are. If Time is money you can
+exchange Time for money and money for Time.
+Is not that feasible?"</p>
+
+<p>Did anybody ever hear of such queer notions?
+Maude and Willie were quite tired through trying
+to think the matter out.</p>
+
+<p>Time was meant for slaves.&mdash;Time is money.&mdash;Time
+and Tide wait for no man.&mdash;Take Time
+when Time is.&mdash;Take Time by the forelock.&mdash;Procrastination
+is the thief of Time.&mdash;Killing Time
+is no murder.&mdash;Saving Time is no crime. As
+quick as thought Mr Swinglebinks exhibited these
+statements on his swinging sign, one after the other,
+and then he came to them once again.</p>
+
+<p>"Are you convinced now? Let me have a
+quarter of an hour to send to the poor slaves.
+Time was meant for them, you know, and
+you are using their property without acknowledgment!"</p>
+
+<p>The Zankiwank looked on as wise as an owl,
+but said nothing.</p>
+
+<p>"Dear me, how you are wasting your time
+sitting there doing nothing!" said Mr Swinglebinks
+distractedly. "Time is money&mdash;Time is money.
+Give me some of the Time you are losing."</p>
+
+<p>"Let us go, Willie," said Maude. "Do not
+waste any more Time. We have no Time to lose,
+let alone time to spare! Shall we kill Time?"</p>
+
+<p>She had barely finished speaking when Mr
+Swinglebinks and his Time Exchange disappeared,
+and they were alone with the Zankiwank. But
+not for long, for almost immediately a troop of
+school children came bounding home from school,
+but children with the oddest heads and faces ever
+seen. They were all carrying miniature bellows
+in their hands, which they were working up and
+down with great energy.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 896px;">
+<a name="Page158" id="Page158"></a>
+<div class="figleft1" style="width: 448px;">
+<img src="images/z171.jpg" width="448" height="224" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="figright1" style="width: 448px;">
+<img src="images/z172.jpg" width="448" height="224" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+</div>
+
+
+
+<p>"Oh, Mr Zankiwank, what is the matter with
+those children in short frocks and knickerbockers?
+Look at their heads!"</p>
+
+<p>The Zankiwank gazed, but expressed no surprise,
+and yet the children, if they were children,
+certainly looked very queer, for the boys had got
+aged, care-worn faces with moustaches and whiskers,
+while the little girls, in frocks just reaching
+to their knees, had women's faces, with their hair
+done up in plaits and chignons and Grecian
+knot fashion, with elderly bonnets perched on the
+top.</p>
+
+<p>"That," said the Zankiwank, "is the force of habit."</p>
+
+<p>"What habit, please? It does not suit them,"
+said Maude.</p>
+
+<p>"You are mistaken. Good habits become
+second nature."</p>
+
+<p>"And what do bad habits become?" queried
+Willie.</p>
+
+<p>"Bad habits," answered the Zankiwank severely,
+"become no one."</p>
+
+<p>"And these must be bad habits," exclaimed
+Willie, pointing to the children, "for they do not
+become them."</p>
+
+<p>"I thought their clothes fitted them very well."</p>
+
+<p>"We don't mean their clothes," cried Maude.
+"We mean their general appearance."</p>
+
+<p>"Ah! you are referring to the unnatural history
+aspect of the case. You mean their heads, of
+course. They do <i>not</i> fit properly. I have noticed
+it myself. It comes of expecting too much, and
+overdoing it; it is all the result of what so many
+people are fond of doing&mdash;putting old heads on
+young shoulders."</p>
+
+<p>So the mystery was out. The old heads were
+unmistakably on young shoulders. And how very
+absurd the children looked! Not a bit like happy
+girls and boys, as they would have been had they
+possessed their own heads instead of over-grown
+and over-developed minds and brains. Old heads
+never do look well on young shoulders, and it is
+very foolish of people to think they do. It makes
+them children of a larger growth before their time,
+and is just as bad as having young heads on old
+shoulders. The moral of which is, that you should
+never be older than you are nor younger than you
+are not.</p>
+
+<p>"But what are they doing with those bellows?"
+enquired Willie and Maude together.</p>
+
+<p>"Raising the wind," promptly responded the
+Zankiwank, "or trying to. When folk grow old
+before their time you will generally find that it
+is owing to the bother they had in raising the wind
+to keep the pot boiling."</p>
+
+<p>"But you don't keep the pot boiling with wind,"
+they protested.</p>
+
+<p>"Oh yes you do, in Topsy-Turvey Land, though
+personally I believe it to be most unright!"</p>
+
+<p>"Un&mdash;what?" exclaimed Maude.</p>
+
+<p>"Unright. When a thing is wrong it must be
+unright. Just the same as when a thing is right it
+is unwrong."</p>
+
+<p>While the Zankiwank was giving this very lucid
+explanation the "Old heads on young shoulders"
+children went sedately and mournfully away, just
+as a complete train of newspaper carts dashed up
+to a large establishment with these words printed
+outside&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class="center1">Atnagagdlintit Ralinginginarmik<br />
+Lusaruminassumik.</p>
+
+<p>"Good gracious, what awful looking words! It
+surely must be Welsh?" The two children put
+the question to the Zankiwank.</p>
+
+<p>"No, that is not Welsh. That is the way the
+Esquimaux of Greenland speak. It is the name
+of their paper, and means something to read,
+interesting news of all sorts. But in this newspaper
+they never print any news of any sort.
+They supply the paper to the Topsy-Turveyites
+every morning quite blank, so that you can provide
+yourself with your own news. Being perfectly
+blank, the editors succeed in pleasing all their
+subscribers."</p>
+
+<p>"Well, I do not see any advantage in that."</p>
+
+<p>"There you go again!" cried the Zankiwank.
+"You always want something with an advantage.
+What's the use of an advantage, I should like to
+know? You can only lose it. You cannot give
+it away. Do try to be original. But listen,
+Nobody's coming."</p>
+
+<p>They both looked round wondering what the
+Zankiwank meant by his strange perversities, but
+could not see anyone.</p>
+
+<p>"We can see Nobody," they said.</p>
+
+<p>"Of course. Here he is!"</p>
+
+<p>Well! Was it a shadow? Something was there
+without a doubt, and certainly without a body. It
+was a sort of skeleton, or a ghost, or perhaps a
+Mahatma! But it was not a Mahatma&mdash;it was
+in fact Nobody, of whom you have of course
+heard.</p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
+<a name="Page163" id="Page163"></a>
+<img src="images/z176.jpg" width="600" height="480" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>"At last, at last!" screamed the delighted
+Zankiwank, "with your eyes wide open and your
+faculties unimpaired you see <span class="smcap">Nobody</span>! And what
+a memory Nobody has!"</p>
+
+<p>"How can Nobody have a memory? Besides,
+we can see Nobody!" said Maude, more perplexed
+than she had ever been.</p>
+
+<p>"Exactly, Nobody has a charming memory.
+Memory, as you know, is the sense you forget
+with it!"</p>
+
+<p>"Memory," corrected Willie, "is the sense, if it
+is a sense, or impression you remember with."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, what dreadful Grammar! Remember
+with! How can you finish a sentence with a
+preposition? What do you remember with it?"
+demanded the Zankiwank reprovingly.</p>
+
+<p>"Anything&mdash;everything you want to," replied
+Willie.</p>
+
+<p>"Another preposition! Ah, if we could only
+remember as easily as we forget!"</p>
+
+<p>"You are wandering from the subject," suggested
+Maude. "The subject is Nobody, and you have
+told us nothing about it."</p>
+
+<p>"H'm," said the Zankiwank. "You have confessed
+that you can see Nobody, therefore I will
+request him to sing you a topical song. Now keep
+your attention earnestly directed towards Nobody
+and listen."</p>
+
+<p>Knowing from past experience that the Zankiwank
+would have his own way, Maude and Willie,
+having no one else to think about, thought of Nobody,
+and to their amazement they heard these
+words sung as from a long way off, in a very
+hollow tone of voice:&mdash;</p>
+
+
+<h3><span class="smcap">Nobody's Nothing to Nobody.</span></h3>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">O Nobody's Nothing to Nobody,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And yet he is something too;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Though No-body's No-Body it yet is so odd he<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Always finds nothing to do!<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">When Nobody does nothing wrong,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">They say it is the cat;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Though Nobody be long and strong<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And very likely fat.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">His name is heard from morn till night,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">He's known in ev'ry place;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He does the deeds that are unright,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Though no one sees his face.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Nobody broke the Dresden vase,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Nobody ate the cream;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Nobody smashed that pipe of pa's,&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">It happened in a dream.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Nobody lost Sophia's doll,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Nobody fired Jim's gun;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Nobody nearly choked poor Poll&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Nobody saw it done!<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Nobody cracks the china cups,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Nobody steals the spoons;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Nobody in the kitchen sups,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Or talks of honeymoons!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Nobody courts the parlour-maid,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">She told us so herself!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">That Nobody, I'm much afraid,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Is quite a tricky elf.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">For Nobody is any one,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">That must be very clear;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Yet Nobody's a constant dun,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Though no one saw him here.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">As Nobody is ever seen<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">In Anybody's shape,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Nobody must be epicene<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And very like an ape!<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">For Nobody's Nothing to Nobody,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And yet he is something too;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Though No-body's No-Body it yet is so odd he<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Always finds nothing to do!<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>Just as the song was finished, the Zankiwank
+cried out in alarm&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"There's Somebody coming."</p>
+
+<p>And Nobody disappeared at once, for the children
+saw Nobody go!</p>
+
+<p>"And now," said the Zankiwank, "we may expect
+the Griffin from Temple Bar and the Ph&#339;nix from
+Arabia."</p>
+
+<p>A dark shadow enveloped the square in which
+they were standing; then there was a weird
+perfume of damp fireworks and saltpetre, and
+before any one could say Guy Fawkes, the
+Ph&#339;nix rose from his own funeral pyre of faded
+frankincense, mildewed myrrh, and similar
+luxuries, and flapped his wings vigorously, just
+as the Griffin jumped off his pedestal, which he
+had brought with him, and piped out&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Here we are again!"</p>
+
+<p>"Once in a thousand years," responded the
+Ph&#339;nix somewhat hoarsely, for he had nearly
+swallowed some of his own ashes.</p>
+
+<p>The Griffin, as everybody knows, is shaped like
+an eagle from its legs to the shoulder and the head,
+while the rest of his body is like that of a lion.
+The Ph&#339;nix is also very much like an intelligent
+eagle, with gold and crimson plumage and an
+exceptionally waggish tail. It has the advantage
+of fifty orifices in his bill, through which he
+occasionally sings melodious songs to oblige the
+company. As he never appears to anyone more
+than once in five hundred years, sometimes, when
+he has the toothache for instance, only once in a
+thousand years&mdash;which is why he is called a rara
+avis&mdash;if you ever meet him at any time take
+particular notice of him. And if you can draw,
+if it is only the long bow, make a sketch of him.
+He lives chiefly on poets&mdash;which is why so many
+refer to him. He has been a good friend to the
+poets of all ages, as your cousin William will
+explain. If you have not got a cousin William,
+ask some one who has.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;">
+<a name="Page170" id="Page170"></a>
+<img src="images/z183.jpg" width="640" height="376" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>Not having the gift of speech, neither of them
+spoke, but they could sing, and this is what they
+intended to say, duet-wise:&mdash;</p>
+
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I am a sacred bird, you know,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And I am a Griffin bold;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">In Arabia the blest<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">We feather our own nest,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">To keep us from the cold.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And we're so very fabulous&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Oh, that's the Griffin straight!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">We rise up from the flames,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To play old classic games,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Like a Ph&#339;nix up-to-date!<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p class="noin">Then they spread out their wings and executed
+the most diverting feather dance ever seen out
+of a pantomime.</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">I am a watchful bird, you know,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And I am a Ph&#339;nix smart;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">From Shakespeare unto Jones&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The Welsh one&mdash;who intones,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">We have played a striking part.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">For we're so very mystical,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">Both off-springs of the brain;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The Mongoose is our <i>pere</i>,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">And the Nightmare is our <i>mere</i>,<br /></span>
+<span class="i1">And we thrive on Fiction Plain!<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p class="noin">They repeated their dance and then knocked at
+the door of the nearest house and begged pantomimically
+for money, but as it was washing day
+they were refused. So they went into the cook shop
+and had some Irish Stew, which did not agree
+with them. Consequently they sprang into the
+hash that was simmering on the fire, and were
+seen no more. Whereupon the Zankiwank looked
+gooseberrily out of his eyes and murmured as if
+nothing out of the way or in the way had happened,
+or the Ph&#339;nix or the Griffin had existed&mdash;"The
+Bletherwitch will send me a telegram to say that
+she will be ready for the ceremony in half-an-hour."</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
+<a name="Page173" id="Page173"></a>
+<img src="images/z186.jpg" width="600" height="678" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>"But where is the Bletherwitch, and how do you
+know?" asked Maude, somewhat incredulously.</p>
+
+<p>"She is being arrayed for the marriage celebration.
+At present she is in Spain gathering
+Spanish onions."</p>
+
+<p>"But Spanish onions don't come from Spain!"</p>
+
+<p>"You are right. It is pickled walnuts she is
+gathering from the Boot Tree in the scullery.
+However, that is of no consequence. Let us be
+joyful as befits the occasion. Who has got any
+crackers?"</p>
+
+<p>Before any reply could be given a voice in the
+air screamed out:&mdash;"Beware of the Nargalnannacus!"
+At which the Zankiwank trembled and
+the whole place seemed to rock to and fro.</p>
+
+<p>"What <i>is</i> the Nargalnannacus?"</p>
+
+<p>"It's a noun!"</p>
+
+<p>"How do you mean?"</p>
+
+<p>"A noun is the name of a person, place or
+thing, I believe?"</p>
+
+<p>"It was yesterday."</p>
+
+<p>"It is to-day. And that is what the Nargalnannacus
+is. He, She, or It is a person, place or
+thing, and it travels about, and that is all I
+know of it. Nobody has ever seen a Nargalnannacus,
+and nobody ever will, not a real,
+proper, authen&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Authenticated," assisted Maude.</p>
+
+<p>"Thank you&mdash;authenticated one. Directly they
+do they turn yellow and green, and are seen no
+more."</p>
+
+<p>"What are we to do then?" anxiously enquired
+Willie.</p>
+
+<p>"The best that offers. We have been expecting
+an outbreak for a long time, and here comes
+the Court Physician, Dr Pampleton, to happily
+confirm my worst suspicions!"</p>
+
+<div class="figright" style="width: 400px;">
+<a name="Page177" id="Page177"></a>
+<img src="images/z190.jpg" width="400" height="640" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>The children thought it extremely odd that
+having one's worst suspicions confirmed should
+make any person happy. But they were accustomed
+to the Zankiwank's curious modes of
+speech and lack of logic, so that they wisely
+held their tongues in silence. The newcomer
+was of very remarkable appearance. He was
+tall and slim like the Zankiwank, but instead
+of having the ordinary shaped head and face, he
+carried on his shoulders a sheep's head, and in
+his veins (so they heard afterwards) ran sheep's
+blood. At one period of his existence he had
+been well-known for his wool-gathering propensities,
+and he was now strongly recommended as
+being able to commit more mistakes and blunders
+in half-an-hour than a school boy could in a
+whole school term. He had one great virtue,
+however, and that was that he would always
+instantly apologise for any error he might make.</p>
+
+
+
+<p>He never travelled without his medicine chest,
+which he carried by straps over his shoulders,
+and was prepared to give anybody a dose of
+physic without the slightest provocation at
+double charges.</p>
+
+<p>"There is danger ahead," he whispered to the
+Zankiwank, "and a lot of visitors are coming to
+fight to the bitter end."</p>
+
+<p>"Tell me their names," cried the Zankiwank
+excitedly. Whereupon, Dr Pampleton recited
+them as follows, the Zankiwank groaning as
+each cognomen was uttered:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"The Wollypog" (<i>groan</i>)<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">"The Fustilug" (<i>groan</i>)<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">"What's-His-Name" (<i>groan</i>)<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">"Thing'um-a-Bob" (<i>groan</i>)<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">and<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">"The Woogabblewabble Bogglewoggle and all his Court."<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>The last was too much for the Zankiwank,
+for he immediately climbed to the top of the
+tallest steeple in the town, saying with much
+discretion:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I will see that all is fair. I will be the judge."</p>
+
+<p>Maude had only just got time to eat some of the
+Fern Seeds she had saved from what Robin Goodfellow
+had given her, and to give some to Willie,
+when a rushing as of many waters and a roaring
+as of the bursting of several gasometers were heard,
+and a noise of some two or three hundred tramping
+soldiers smote upon their ears, and they knew that
+something dreadful was going to happen. As the
+Bogglewoggle and the Wollypog and all the
+others came upon the scene, both the children
+recognised them, from what they had once read in
+a fairy book, as being the monsters of the Secret
+Cavern.</p>
+
+<p>It was not going to be a battle, as they could
+see&mdash;it was only to be a quiet fight between the
+important folk of the Secret Cavern and Topsy
+Turvey Land. The Jorumgander was there, and
+so was the Jackarandajam and Mr Swinglebinks
+and all the others they had been introduced to.
+The Bogglewoggle was particularly noisy in calling
+out for the Zankiwank, but as he was engaged
+to be married, of course he could not risk his life
+just for the mere whim of a dragon, who
+was setting everything alight with his torch-like
+tail.</p>
+
+<p>And then they all commenced to fight&mdash;cutting,
+slashing and crashing each other with double-edged
+swords, while the inhabitants applauded and the
+bands played the "Conquering Hero," although
+there was not any creature who conquered, that
+one could distinguish. It was a terrible sight.
+They never ceased for a minute, but went on
+cutting each other to pieces until at last they all
+lay dead upon the ground. No one was left alive
+to tell the awful news but the Zankiwank and
+Dr Pampleton. And what was most remarkable
+about the fight was that it was all done out of
+pure friendship&mdash;but friendship does not seem to
+be much good when all your friends are scattered
+about, as these were. Heads and arms and legs
+everywhere, and there certainly did not appear to
+be much hope of their ever being able to do any
+more damage.</p>
+
+<p>The Zankiwank crept cautiously down from his
+pinnacle and joined Dr Pampleton.</p>
+
+<p>"Our friends are very much cut up," said Dr
+Pampleton.</p>
+
+<p>"What is to be done?" the Zankiwank enquired.</p>
+
+<p>"Done? Why, with my special elixir I shall
+bring them all to life again," said the Court
+Physician promptly.</p>
+
+<p>"Will you? Can you?"</p>
+
+<p>"Of course. You get all the bodies and lay
+them in a line. I'll gather up the heads and stick
+'em on with elastic glue. Then you find the arms
+and legs and we will soon have them ready for
+another bout."</p>
+
+<p>So the Zankiwank sent the rest of the populace,
+that had been looking on, indoors to get their tea,
+while he set to work and did as that absurd old
+Doctor instructed him.</p>
+
+
+
+<p>Willie and Maude could scarcely keep their eyes
+open, but they were so interested in the proceedings
+that they managed to see that the Court
+Physician with his usual foresight was sticking the
+heads on the wrong bodies, and the arms and legs
+he put on just as they were handed to him, left on
+the right, and right on the left, and no one individual
+got his own proper limbs fastened to him.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
+<a name="Page183" id="Page183"></a>
+<img src="images/z196.jpg" width="600" height="734" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>It was the funniest thing they had ever seen&mdash;better
+than any pantomime, for sure enough they
+all came to life again, and naturally, seeing
+another person's arms and legs on their bodies,
+they imagined themselves to be somebody else
+entirely. And then ensued the most deafening
+confusion conceivable, each one accusing the
+other of having robbed him in his sleep, for
+they were under the impression that they had
+been to bed in a strange place&mdash;and so they
+had.</p>
+
+<p>It was the grandest transformation scene ever
+witnessed. The Zankiwank was in deep distress,
+but Dr Pampleton was in high glee and laughed
+immoderately.</p>
+
+<p>"Such a funny mistake to make!" he crowed
+hysterically to the hopping, hobbling, jumping
+crowd of monsters and dwarfs, who were glaring
+at each other in a very savage manner.</p>
+
+<p>"I beg your pardon&mdash;my fault&mdash;all lie down
+again, and I will cut you up once more and put
+you together correctly this time," said the Court
+Physician pleasantly.</p>
+
+<p>"So!" they all bellowed in chorus, "it is you
+who have done all this mischief. Come on! We
+will soon rectify your blunder," and with a swish
+and a swirl they made one simultaneous movement
+towards the unfortunate Pampleton, and once again
+Pandemonium was let loose, when high above the
+din the voice of the Zankiwank was heard calling
+upon them to have patience and not to disturb the
+harmony, as the Bletherwitch had arrived at last.
+Meanwhile everybody rushed madly down the
+street after the Court Physician.</p>
+
+<p>But the children could see nothing now. Everything
+was growing dim and dimmer, and the scene
+was fading, fading away into a blue light. And
+the last they heard was the Zankiwank speaking
+tenderly to the Bletherwitch, whom they were not
+destined to see after all, and saying:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, my sweet Blethery, Blethery Bletherwitch!
+What a Bletherwitching little thing you are!"</p>
+
+<p>Then there was a rumbling and a tumbling, and
+something stopped suddenly. A light was flashed
+before their eyes, and hey presto! there was John
+opening the carriage door for them to get out, and
+wonder of wonders, there were their dear mother
+and father standing in the hall of their own home
+waiting to receive them. And presently they were
+being kissed and caressed and petted because, as
+Mary their nurse said, they had slept in the carriage
+all the way home from the visit to their grandmama.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 480px;">
+<a name="Page187" id="Page187"></a>
+<img src="images/z200.jpg" width="480" height="384" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>This, however, they stoutly denied. They knew
+better than that, and told their parents of all their
+adventures, which, as they declared, if they were
+not true they ought to be, and so they said goodnight
+and dreamt their dreams, if they were dreams,
+all over again.</p>
+
+
+<h4>THE END.</h4>
+
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<h6>TURNBULL &amp; SPEARS, PRINTERS, EDINBURGH.</h6>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Zankiwank and The Bletherwitch, by 
+S. J. Adair Fitzgerald
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+</pre>
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+</body>
+</html>
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@@ -0,0 +1,3542 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Zankiwank and The Bletherwitch, by
+S. J. Adair Fitzgerald
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Zankiwank and The Bletherwitch
+       An Original Fantastic Fairy Extravaganza
+
+Author: S. J. Adair Fitzgerald
+
+Illustrator: Arthur Rackham
+
+Release Date: August 17, 2011 [EBook #37111]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ZANKIWANK AND THE BLETHERWITCH ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Edwards and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by The
+Internet Archive)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+  [Illustration: The Zankiwank & The Bletherwitch]
+
+
+
+  The Zankiwank
+  and
+  The Bletherwitch
+
+  An Original Fantastic Fairy Extravaganza
+
+
+
+  "_Imagination is always the ruling and divine power,
+  and the rest of the man is only the instrument which
+  it sounds, or the tablet on which it writes._"
+                                              JOHN RUSKIN.
+
+
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+
+
+  THE ZANKIWANK & THE BLETHERWITCH
+
+  BY S.J. ADAIR FITZGERALD
+
+  WITH PICTURES BY ARTHUR RACKHAM
+
+  [Illustration]
+
+  LONDON J.M. DENT & Co.
+  ALDINE HOUSE E.C. 1896
+
+
+
+  _All Rights Reserved_
+
+
+
+  To
+  MY BLANCHE
+
+  I AFFECTIONATELY INSCRIBE
+  THIS LITTLE BOOK
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS
+
+
+  PART I
+    A TRIP TO FABLE LAND                       1
+
+  PART II
+    THE FAIRIES' FEATHER AND FLOWER LAND      33
+
+  PART III
+    A VISIT TO SHADOW LAND                    91
+
+  PART IV
+    THE LAND OF TOPSY TURVEY                 119
+
+
+
+
+LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS
+
+
+                                                                  PAGE
+
+  EVERYBODY MADE A RUSH FOR THE TRAIN                   _Frontispiece_
+
+  THE ZANKIWANK AND THE BLETHERWITCH                      _Title Page_
+
+  THE JACKARANDAJAM                                                  5
+
+  MR SWINGLEBINKS                                                    7
+
+  THEY WERE RUN INTO BY A DEMON ON A BICYCLE                        17
+
+  BIRDS, BEASTS AND FISHES WERE HURRYING BY IN CONFUSING MASSES     19
+
+  THE FROGS ... PLAYING "KISS IN THE RING"                          24
+
+  THEY WERE GLUED TO THE EARTH                                      27
+
+  THE ELFIN ORCHESTRA                                               37
+
+  I HAVE DISPATCHED THE JACKARANDAJAM AND MR SWINGLEBINKS IN A
+    FOUR-WHEELED CAB                                                41
+
+  A COMPANY OF FAIRIES ... LEAPT FROM THE PETALS OF THE FLOWERS     45
+
+  THE SLY JACKDAWS AND THE RAVENS ... EVIDENTLY PLOTTING MISCHIEF   51
+
+  ONE OF THE PRETTIEST DANCES YOU EVER SAW                          55
+
+  TITANIA ARRIVED ... WITH A FULL TRAIN OF FAIRIES AND ELVES        61
+
+  WILLIE PINCHED HIS EXCEEDINGLY THIN LEGS, MAKING HIM JUMP
+    AS HIGH AS AN APRIL RAINBOW                                     64
+
+  PEASEBLOSSOM AND MUSTARD SEED                                     71
+
+  QUEEN TITANIA AND HER COURT OF FAIRIES WERE EATING PUDDINGS
+    AND PIES                                                        75
+
+  THE TWO CHILDREN TUMBLED OFF NOTHING INTO A VACANT SPACE          79
+
+  "KEEP THE POT A-BOILING," BAWLED THE ZANKIWANK                    83
+
+  SO INTO SHADOWLAND THEY TUMBLED                                   87
+
+  A WHOLE SCHOOL OF CHILDREN FOLLOWING MADLY IN THEIR WAKE          95
+
+  THE GOBLINS STARTED OFF ON HORSEBACK                             101
+
+  "THE UNFORTUNATE DOLL"                                           103
+
+  THE WINNY WEG WAS DANCING IN A CORNER ALL BY HERSELF             106
+
+  MAUDE AND WILLIE WERE RECLINING PEACEFULLY ON A GOLDEN COUCH
+    WITH SILVER CUSHIONS                                           107
+
+  A GAME OF LEAP-FROG                                              108
+
+  A GREAT RED CAVERN OPENED AND SWALLOWED UP EVERYTHING            117
+
+  "NOW THEN, MOVE ON!"                                             123
+
+  THE WIMBLE AND THE WAMBLE                                        126
+
+  JORUMGANDER THE YOUNGER ... APPROACHED THEM WITH A CASE OF PENS  133
+
+  "WHY, HERE HE IS!"                                               138
+
+  THE ZANKIWANK ARGUING WITH THE CLERK OF THE WEATHER AND THE
+    WEATHER COCK                                                   145
+
+  TIME WAS MEANT FOR SLAVES                                        151
+
+  CHILDREN WITH THE ODDEST HEADS AND FACES EVER SEEN          158, 159
+
+  IT WAS A SORT OF SKELETON                                        163
+
+  THE GRIFFIN AND THE PHOENIX                                      170
+
+  THEY SPRANG INTO THE HASH                                        173
+
+  DR PAMPLETON                                                     177
+
+  NO ONE INDIVIDUAL GOT HIS OWN PROPER LIMBS FASTENED TO HIM       183
+
+  THERE WAS JOHN OPENING THE CARRIAGE DOOR FOR THEM TO GET OUT     187
+
+
+
+
+Part I
+
+A Trip to Fable Land
+
+
+  _By the Queen-Moon's mystic light,
+  By the hush of holy night,
+  By the woodland deep and green,
+  By the starlight's silver sheen,
+  By the zephyr's whispered spell,
+  Brooding Powers Invisible,
+  Faerie Court and Elfin Throng,
+  Unto whom the groves belong,
+  And by Laws of ancient date,
+  Found in Scrolls of Faerie Fate,
+  Stream and fount are dedicate.
+  Whereso'er your feet to-day
+  Far from haunts of men may stray,
+  We adjure you stay no more
+  Exiles on an alien shore,
+  But with spells of magic birth
+  Once again make glad the earth._
+                                             PHILIP DAYRE.
+
+
+
+
+A Trip to Fable Land
+
+
+"Well," said the Zankiwank as he swallowed another jam tart, "I think we
+had better start on our travels at once."
+
+They were all standing under the clock at Charing Cross Station when the
+station was closed and everybody else had departed, except the train
+which the Zankiwank had himself chartered. It was all so odd and
+strange, and the gathering was so very motley, that if it had been
+to-morrow morning instead of last night, Willie and Maude would
+certainly have said they had both been dreaming. But, of course, they
+were not dreaming because they were wide-awake and dressed. Besides,
+they remembered Charing Cross Station quite well, having started
+therefrom with their father and mother only last summer when they went
+to the sea-side for their holidays--and what jolly times they had on the
+sands! So Maude said promptly, "It is not Night-mare or Dreams or
+Anything. We don't know what it is, but we must not go to sleep, Willie,
+in case anything should happen."
+
+Willie replied that he did not want to go to sleep any more. "I believe
+it's a show," he added, "and somebody's run away with us. How lovely!
+I'm glad we are lost. Let us go and ask that tall gentleman, who looks
+like the parlour-tongs in a bathing-suit, to give us some more buns."
+For, being a boy, he could always eat buns, or an abundance of them,
+only I hope you won't tell the nursery governess I told you.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+It was the Zankiwank, who was doing some conjuring tricks for the
+benefit of the Jackarandajam and Mr Swinglebinks, to whom Willie
+referred. The Zankiwank was certainly a very curious person to look at.
+He had very long legs, very long arms, and a very small body, a long
+neck and a head like a peacock. He was not wearing a bathing suit as
+Willie imagined, because there were tails to his jacket, hanging down
+almost to his heels. He wore a sash round his waist, and his clothes
+were all speckled as though he had been peppered with the colours out of
+a very large kaleidoscope. The Jackarandajam was also rather tall and
+thin, but dressed in the very height of fashion, with a flower in his
+coat and a cigarette in his mouth, which he never smoked because he
+never lit it. He was believed by all the others--you shall know who all
+the others were presently--to know more things than the Man-in-the-Moon,
+because he nearly always said something that nobody else ever thought
+of. And the Man-in-the-Moon knows more things than the Old Woman of
+Mars. You have naturally heard all about Mars--at least, if you have not
+heard all about her, you all have heard about her, which is just the
+same thing, only reversed.
+
+  There was an Old Woman of Mars
+  Who'd constantly say "Bless my stars,
+    There's the Sun and the Moon
+    And the Earth in a swoon,
+  All dying for par-tic-u-lars-u-lars!
+  Of this planet of mine called Mars!"
+
+Mr Swinglebinks, unlike his two companions, was short, stout, and
+dreadfully important. In Fable Land, where we are going as soon as we
+start for that happy place, he kept a grocer's shop once upon a time. As
+nobody cared a fig for his sugar and currants, however, he retired from
+business and took to dates and the making of new almanacks, and was now
+travelling about for the benefit of his figures. He was very strong on
+arithmetic, and could read, write, and arith-metise before he went to
+school, so he never went at all.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+While the Zankiwank was talking to his friends an unseen porter rang an
+unseen bell, and called out in an unknown tongue:--
+
+  "Take your seats for Fableland,
+  Which stands upon a Tableland,
+    And don't distress the guard.
+  And when you pass the Cableland
+  Say nothing to the Gableland
+    Because it hurts the guard."
+
+"We must put that porter back in the bottle," said the Jackarandajam,
+"we shall want some bottled porter to drink on the road."
+
+"Well," said Maude, "what a ridiculous thing to say. We don't bottle
+railway porters, I am sure."
+
+"I wish the Bletherwitch would come," exclaimed the Zankiwank, "we shall
+miss the next train. She is most provoking. She promised to be here
+three weeks ago, and we have been waiting ever since."
+
+This astounding statement quite disturbed Willie, who almost swallowed a
+bun in his excitement. Had he and Maude been waiting there three weeks
+as well? What would they think at home? You see Maude and Willie, who
+were brother and sister, had been on a visit to their grandmama; and on
+their way home they had fallen asleep in the carriage, after having
+repeated to each other all the wonderful fairy tales their grandmama
+had related to them. How long they had slept they could not guess, but
+when they woke up, instead of finding themselves at home in St George's
+Square, they discovered that they were at Charing Cross Station. Mary,
+their nurse, had disappeared, so had John the coachman, and it was the
+Zankiwank who had opened the door and assisted them to alight, saying at
+the same time most politely--
+
+"I assist you to alight, because it is so dark."
+
+Then he gave them buns and chocolates, icecreams, apples, pears, shrimps
+and cranberry tarts. So it stands to reason that after such a mixture
+they were rather perplexed. However, they did not seem very much
+distressed, and as they were both fond of adventures, especially in
+books, they were quite content to accept the Zankiwank's offer to take
+them for a ride in the midnight-express to Fable Land, over which, as
+everybody knows, King AEsop reigns. Maudie was nine and a half and Willie
+was eight and a quarter. Very nice ages indeed, unless you happen to be
+younger or older, and then your own age is nicer still.
+
+"I think," said the Zankiwank, "that we will start without the
+Bletherwitch. She knows the way and can take a balloon."
+
+"If she takes a balloon she will lose it. You had better let the balloon
+take her," exclaimed the Jackarandajam severely.
+
+"Take your places! Take your places!" cried the unseen porter. So
+everybody made a rush for the train, and they all entered a Pullman Car
+and sat down on the seats.
+
+"Dear me! How very incorrectly that porter speaks. He means, of course,
+that the seats should take, or receive us."
+
+The Zankiwank only smiled, while Mr Swinglebinks commenced counting up
+to a hundred, but as he lost one, he could only count up to
+ninety-nine--so, to keep his arithmetic going, he subtracted a
+time-piece from his neighbour's pocket, multiplied his foot-warmers, and
+divided his attention between the Wimble and the Wamble, who were both
+of the party, being left-handed and deaf.
+
+Maudie and Willie took their places in the car with all the other
+passengers amid a perfect babel of chattering and laughing and crying,
+and then, as the train began to slowly move out of the station, the
+Zankiwank solemnly sang the following serious song:--
+
+
+OFF TO FABLE LAND.
+
+  The midnight train departs at three,
+    To Fable Land we go,
+  For this express is nothing less
+    Than a steamer, don't you know!
+  We're sailing now upon the Thames,
+    All in a penny boat,
+  And we soon shall change for a mountain range,
+    In the atmosphere to float!
+
+      So off we go to Fable Land--
+        (Speak kindly to the guard!)
+      Which many think a Babel-land,
+        But this you disregard.
+      You'll find it is a Stable-land,
+        With stables in the yard--
+      A possible, probable, Able-land,
+        So do not vex the guard!
+
+  We've left behind us Charing Cross,
+    And all the town in bed;
+  For it is plain, though in this train,
+    We're standing on our head!
+  We're riding now in Bedfordshire,
+    Which is the Land of Nod;
+  And yet in the sky we are flying high,
+    Which seems extremely odd!
+
+      So off we go to Fable Land--
+        (Speak kindly to the guard!)
+      Which many think a Babel-land,
+        But this you disregard.
+      You'll find it is a Stable-land,
+        With stables in the yard--
+      A possible, probable, Able-land,
+        So do not vex the guard!
+
+Maudie and Willie found themselves joining lustily in the chorus when
+the Zankiwank pulled the cord communicating with the guard, and,
+opening the window, climbed out on to the top of the carriage calling
+all the time:--
+
+  "Guard! Guard! Guard!
+  Don't go so hard,
+    Just give the brake a hitch!
+  To Charing Cross return--
+  Nay, do not look so stern--
+  For I would not tell a cram,
+  I must send a telegram,
+    To my darling little Bletherwitch."
+
+So the guard turned the train round, and they went back to Charing Cross
+as quick as lightning.
+
+"It's my fault," moaned the Jackarandajam, "I ought to have reminded
+you. Never mind, we will put on another engine."
+
+So the Zankiwank got out and sent a telegram to the Bletherwitch, and
+desired her to follow on in a balloon.
+
+Again they started, and everybody settled down until the train reached
+the British Channel, when it dived through a tunnel into an uninhabited
+country, where the post-office clerk popped his head into the carriage
+window and handed in a telegram.
+
+  "_From the Bletherwitch,
+  To the Zankiwank._
+
+    Don't wait tea. Gone to the Dentists."
+
+"Extremely thoughtful," exclaimed everybody. But the Zankiwank wept, and
+explained to the sympathetic Maude that he was engaged to be married to
+the Bletherwitch, and he had been waiting for her for fourteen years.
+"Such a charming creature. I will introduce you when she comes. Fancy,
+she is only two feet one inch and one third high. Such a suitable height
+for a bride."
+
+"What," expostulated Willie and Maude together, "she's no bigger than
+our baby! And you are quite----"
+
+"Eight feet and one half of an inch."
+
+"How disproportionate! It seems to me to be a most unequal match,"
+answered Maude. "What does her mother say?"
+
+"Oh, she hasn't got any mother, you know. That would not do. She has
+been asleep for two thousand years, and has only just woke up to the
+fact that I am her destiny."
+
+"She is only joking," declared Maude. "Two thousand years! She _must_ be
+joking!"
+
+"No," replied the Zankiwank somewhat sadly, "she is not joking. She
+never jokes. She is of Scottish descent," he added reflectively. "I hope
+she will keep her appointment. I am afraid she is rather giddy!----"
+
+"Giddy! Well, if she has waited two thousand years before making up her
+mind to go to the dentists she must be giddy. I am afraid you are not
+speaking the truth."
+
+Before any reply could be given the Guard came to the window and said
+they would have to go back to Charing Cross again as he forgot to pay
+his rent, and he always paid his rent on Monday.
+
+"But this is _not_ Monday," said Willie. "Yesterday was Monday. To-day
+is to-morrow you know, therefore it is Tuesday. Pay your landlady double
+next Monday and that will do just as well."
+
+The Guard hesitated.
+
+"Don't vex the Guard," they all said in chorus.
+
+"I am not vexed," said the Guard, touching his hat. "Do you think it
+would be right to pay double? You see my landlady is single. She might
+not like it."
+
+"Write 'I. O. U.' on a post-card and send it to her. It will do just as
+well, if not better," suggested Mr Swinglebinks.
+
+So the Guard sent the post-card; but in his agitation he told the
+engineer driver to go straight ahead instead of round the corner. The
+consequence was that they were run into by a Demon on a bicycle, and
+thrown out of the train down a coal mine. Luckily there were no coals in
+the mine so it did not matter, and they went boldly forward--that is to
+say, Willie and Maude did, and knocked at the front door of a handsome
+house that suddenly appeared before them.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Nobody opened the door, so they walked in. They looked behind them, but
+could not see the Zankiwank or any of the passengers in the train;
+therefore, not knowing what else to do, they went upstairs. They
+appeared to be walking up stairs for hours without coming to a landing
+or meeting with anyone, and the interminable steps began to grow
+monotonous. Presently they heard a scuffling and a stamping and a
+roaring behind them and something or somebody began to push them most
+rudely until at last the wall gave way, the stairs gave way, they gave
+way, and tumbled right on to the tips of their noses.
+
+"Out of the way! Out of the way!" screamed a chorus of curious voices,
+and Maude and Willie found themselves taken by the hand by a
+weird-looking dwarf with a swivel eye and an elevated proboscis, and led
+out of danger.
+
+The children could not help gazing upon their preserver, who was so
+grotesquely formed, with a humped back, twisted legs, very long arms,
+and such a funny little body without any neck. But his eyes atoned for
+everything--they sparkled and glinted in their sockets like bright brown
+diamonds--only there are no brown diamonds, you know, only white and
+pink ones.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+The Dwarf did not appear to mind the wondering looks of the children at
+all, but patted them on the cheeks and told them not to be frightened.
+But whether he meant frightened of himself, or of the Birds, Beasts, and
+Fishes that were hurrying by in such confusing masses, they could not
+tell. One thing, however, that astonished them very much was the
+deference with which they greeted their quaint rescuer, as they passed
+by. For every creature from the Lion to the Mouse bowed most politely
+as they approached him, and then went on their way gaily frisking, for
+this was their weekly half-holiday.
+
+"How do you like my Menagerie," enquired the Dwarf. "Rough and ready,
+perhaps, but as docile as a flat-iron if you treat them properly."
+
+"It is just like the Zoo," declared Willie. "Or the animals in AEsop's
+Fables," suggested Maude.
+
+This delighted the Dwarf very much, for though he looked so serious, he
+was full of good humour and skipped about with much agility.
+
+"Good! Good!" he cried. "AEsop and the Zoo! Ha! Ha! He! He! Anybody can
+be a Zoo but only one can be AEsop, and I am he!"
+
+"AEsop! Are you really Mr AEsop, the Phrygian Philosopher?" cried Maude.
+
+"_King_ AEsop, I should say," corrected Willie. "I am glad we have met
+you, because now, perhaps, you will kindly tell us what a Fable really
+is."
+
+"A Fable," said the merry AEsop, with a twinkle in his witty eyes, "is a
+fictitious story about nothing that ever happened, related by nobody
+that ever lived. And the moral is, that every one is quite innocent,
+only they must not do it again!"
+
+"Ah! that is only your fun," said Willie sagely, "because of the moral.
+Why do they give you so many morals?"
+
+"I don't know," answered AEsop gravely. "But the Commentators and Editors
+do give a lot of applications and morals to the tales of my animals,
+don't they?"
+
+"I like a tale with a moral," averred Maude, "it finishes everything up
+so satisfactorily, I think. Now, Mr AEsop, as you know so much, please
+tell us what a proverb is?"
+
+"Ah!" replied Mr AEsop, "I don't make proverbs. There are too many
+already, but a proverb usually seems to me to be something you always
+theoretically remember to practically forget."
+
+Neither of the children quite understood this, though Maude thought it
+was what her papa would call satire, and satire was such a strange word
+that she could never fully comprehend the meaning.
+
+Willie was silent too, like his sister, and seeing them deep in thought,
+King AEsop waved a little wand he had in his hand, and all the Birds and
+Beasts and Fishes joined hands and paws, and fins and wings, and danced
+in a circle singing to the music of a quantity of piping birds in the
+trees:--
+
+  If you want to be merry and wise,
+  You must all be as bright as you can,
+      You never must quarrel,
+      Or spoil a right moral,
+  But live on a regular plan.
+  You must read, write and arith-metise,
+  Or you'll never grow up to be good;
+      And you mustn't say "Won't,"
+      Or "I shan't" and "I don't,"
+  Or disturb the Indicative Mood.
+
+      So round about the Knowledge Tree,
+        Each boy and girl must go,
+      To learn in school the golden rule,
+        And Duty's line to toe!
+
+  If you want to be clever and smart,
+  You must also be ready for play,
+      And don't be too subtle
+      When batting your shuttle,
+  But sport in a frolicsome way.
+  With bat and with ball take your part,
+  Or with little doll perched on your knee,
+      You sing all the time,
+      To a nursery rhyme,
+  Before you go in to your tea!
+
+      So round about the Sunset Tree
+        Each boy and girl should go
+      To play a game of--What's its name?
+        That is each game--you know!
+
+After merrily joining in this very original song, with dancing
+accompaniment, Maude and Willie thanked King AEsop for permitting his
+animals to entertain them.
+
+"Always glad to please good little boys and girls, you know," he
+replied pleasantly, "even in their play they furnish us with a new fable
+and a moral."
+
+"And that is?"
+
+"All play and no work makes the world stand still."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Before they could ask for an explanation, their attention was once more
+drawn to the animals, who had commenced playing all kinds of games just
+the same as they themselves played in the play-ground at school. The
+Toads were playing Leap-frog; the Elephants and the Bears, Fly the
+Garter; the Dromedaries, Hi! Spie! Hi! while the snakes were trundling
+their hoops. The Lions and the Lambs were playing at cricket with the
+Donkeys as fielders and the Wombat as umpire.
+
+The Frogs were in a corner by themselves playing "Kiss in the Ring," and
+crying out:--
+
+  "It isn't you! It isn't you!
+  We none of us know what to do,"
+
+in a very serio-comic manner. Then the Storks and the Cranes and the
+Geese and the Ganders were standing in a circle singing:--
+
+  Sally, Sally Waters,
+    Sitting in the Moon,
+  With the camel's daughters,
+    All through the afternoon!
+  Oh Sally! Bo Sally!
+    Where's your dusting pan;
+  My Sally! Fie Sally!
+    Here is your young man!
+
+In another part the Crabs, the Sheep, and the Fox, were vowing that
+London Bridge was Broken Down, because they had not half-a-crown, which
+seemed a curious reason. Then all the rest of the wild creatures, Birds,
+Beasts, and Fishes, commenced an extraordinary dance, singing, croaking,
+flapping their fins and spreading their wings, to these words:--
+
+  We are a crowd of jolly boys,
+    All romping on the lea;
+  We always make this merry noise,
+    When we return from sea.
+
+  So we go round and round and round,
+    Because we've come ashore;
+  For Topsy Turvey we are bound,
+    So round again once more.
+
+  Go in and out of the coppice,
+    Go in and out at the door;
+  And do not wake the poppies,
+    Who want to have a snore.
+
+It was too ridiculous; they could recognise every animal they had read
+about in AEsop, and they were all behaving in a manner they little
+dreamed could be possible, out of a Night-mare. But it certainly was not
+a Night-mare, though they could distinguish several horses and ponies.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+They never seemed to stop in their games, and even the Ants and the
+Gnats were playing--and above all a game of football,--though as some
+played according to Association and some to Rugby rules, of course it
+was rather perplexing to the on-lookers. When they grew tired of
+watching the Animal World enjoying their holiday, they turned to consult
+King AEsop, but to their astonishment, he was not near them--he had
+vanished! And when they turned round the other way the Animals had
+vanished too, and they were quite alone. Indeed everything seemed to
+disappear, even the light that had been their guide so long, and they
+began to tremble with fear and apprehension.
+
+Not a sound was to be heard, and darkness gradually fell around them.
+They held each other by the hand, and determined to go forward, but to
+their dismay they could not move! They were glued to the earth. They
+tried to speak, but their tongues stuck to the roofs of their mouths,
+and they were in great distress. "Where, Oh where was the Zankiwank?"
+they wondered in their thoughts. And a buzzing in their ears took up the
+refrain:--
+
+  The Zankiwank, the Zankiwank,
+    Oh where, Oh where is the Zankiwank?
+  He brought us here, and much we fear
+    His conduct's far from Franky-wank!
+  The Zankiwank, the Zankiwank,
+    He has gone to seek the Bletherwitch,
+  Oh the Zankiwank, 'tis a panky prank
+    To leave us here to die in a ditch.
+
+"A telegram, did you say? For me, of course, what an age you have been.
+How is my blushing bride? Let me see--
+
+  '_From the Bletherwitch, Nonsuch Street,
+                        To the Zankiwank, Nodland._
+
+    Forgot my new shoes, and the housemaid's killed the parrot. Put the
+    kettle on.'"
+
+Then the children heard some sobbing sound soughing through the silence
+and they knew that they were saved. Also that the Zankiwank was weeping.
+So with a strong effort Maude managed to call out consolingly,
+"Zankiwanky, dear! don't cry, come and let me comfort you."
+
+But the Zankiwank refused to be comforted. However, he came forward
+muttering an incantation of some sort, and Maude and Willie finding
+themselves free, rushed forward and greeted him.
+
+"Hush, my dears, the Nargalnannacus is afloat on the wild, wild main. We
+must be careful and depart, or he will turn us into something
+unpleasant--the last century or may be the next, as it is close at hand,
+and inexpensive. Follow me to the ship that is waiting in the Bay
+Window, and we will go and get some Floranges."
+
+Carefully Maudie and Willie followed the Zankiwank, each holding on by
+the tails of his coat, glad enough to go anywhere out of the Blackness
+of the Dark.
+
+Soon they found themselves in Window Bay, and climbing up the sides of a
+mighty ship with five funnels and a red-haired captain.
+
+"Quick," called the Captain, "the Nargalnannacus is on the lee scuppers
+just off the jibboom brace. Make all sail for the Straights of
+Ballambangjan, and mind the garden gate."
+
+Then the Zankiwank became the man at the wheel, and the vessel scudded
+before the wind as the two children went off into a trance.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+Part II
+
+The Fairies' Feather and Flower Land
+
+
+                            _Faery elves,
+  Whose midnight revels, by a forest side
+  Or fountain, some belated peasant sees,
+  Or dreams he sees, while overhead the moon
+  Sits arbitress._
+                                                   MILTON.
+
+
+  _O then I see Queen Mab hath been with you:
+  She is the fairies' midwife; and she comes
+  In shape no bigger than an agate-stone
+  On the fore-finger of an alderman,
+  Drawn with a train of little atomies,
+  Athwart men's noses as they lie asleep._
+                                              SHAKESPEARE.
+
+
+
+
+The Fairies' Feather and Flower Land
+
+
+How long Maude and Willie had been rocking in the cradle of the deep
+they could not tell, nor how long it took them to steam through the
+Straits of Ballambangjan, for everything was exceptionally bleak and
+blank to them. By the way, if you cannot find the Straits of
+Ballambangjan in your Geography or on the Map, you should consult the
+first sailor you meet, and he will give you as much information on the
+subject as any boy or girl need require.
+
+Both children experienced that curious sensation of feeling asleep while
+they were wide awake, and feeling wide awake when they imagined
+themselves to be asleep, just as one does feel sometimes in the early
+morning, when the sun is beginning to peep through the blinds, and the
+starlings are chattering, and the sparrows are tweeting under the eaves,
+outside the window.
+
+They were no longer on the vessel that had borne them away from
+Fableland, and the approach of the Nargalnannacus, a fearsome creature
+whom nobody has yet seen, although most of us may not have heard about
+him.
+
+The obliging Zankiwank was with them, and when they looked round they
+found themselves in a square field festooned with the misty curtains of
+the Elfin Dawn.
+
+"Of course," said the Zankiwank, "this is Midsummer Day, and very soon
+it will be Midsummer Night, and you will see some wonders that will
+outwonder all the wonders that wonderful people have ever wondered both
+before and afterwards. Listen to the Flower-Fairies--not the garden
+flowers, but the wild-flowers; they will sing you a song, while I beat
+time--not that there is any real need to beat Time, because he is a most
+respectable person, though he always contrives to beat us."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Both children would have liked to argue out this speech of the Zankiwank
+because it puzzled them, and they felt it would not parse properly.
+However, as just at that moment the Elfin Orchestra appeared, they sat
+on the grass and listened:--
+
+
+THE ELFIN DAWN.
+
+  This is the Elfin Dawn,
+  When ev'ry Fay and Faun,
+    Trips o'er the earth with joy and mirth,
+  And Pleasure takes the maun.
+  Night's noon stars coyly peep,
+  O'er dale and dene and deep,
+    And Fairies fair float through the air,
+  Love's festival to keep.
+
+      We dance and sing in the Welkin Ring,
+      While Heather Bells go Ding-dong-ding!
+        To greet the Elfin Dawn.
+      The Flower-fairies spread each wing,
+      And trip about with mincing ging,
+        Upon the magic lawn.
+
+  And so we frisk and play,
+  Like mortals, in the day;
+    From acorn cup we all wake up
+  Titania to obey.
+  We never, never die,
+  And this the reason why,
+    Of Fancy's art we are the part
+  That lives eternalie.
+
+      We dance and sing in the Welkin Ring,
+      While Heather Bells go Ding-dong-ding!
+        To greet the Elfin Dawn.
+      The Flower-fairies spread each wing,
+      And trip about with mincing ging,
+        Upon the magic lawn.
+
+"They keep very good time, don't they?" said the Zankiwank to the
+children, who were completely entranced with pleasure and surprise.
+
+"Lovely, lovely," was all they could say.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Every wild flower they could think of, and every bird of the air, was to
+be seen in this beautiful place with the purling stream running down the
+centre, crossed by innumerable rustic bridges, while far away they could
+see a fountain ever sending upward its cooling sprays of crystal water.
+
+"I think I shall spend my honeymoon here," said the Zankiwank. "I have
+already bought a honeycomb for my bride. I am so impatient to have her
+by my side that I have dispatched the Jackarandajam and Mr Swinglebinks
+in a four-wheeled cab to fetch her. When the Bletherwitch arrives I will
+introduce you, and you shall both be bridesmaids!"
+
+"But I can't be a bridesmaid, you know," corrected Willie.
+
+"Oh yes, you can. You can be anything here you like. You only have to
+eat some Fern seeds and you become invisible, and nobody would know you.
+It is so simple, and saves a lot of argument. And you should never argue
+about anything unless you know nothing about it, then you are sure to
+win."
+
+"But," interrupted Maude, "how can you know nothing about anything?"
+
+"'Tis the easiest thing out of the world," said the Zankiwank. "What is
+nothing?"
+
+"Nothing."
+
+"Precisely. Nothing is nothing; but what is better than nothing?"
+
+"Something."
+
+"Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Where is your logic? Nothing is better than
+something! I'll prove it:--
+
+  "Nothing is sweeter than honey,
+  Nothing's more bitter than gall,
+  Nothing that's comic is funny,
+  Nothing is shorter than tall."
+
+"That is nonsense and nothing to do with the case," exclaimed Maude.
+
+"Nonsense? Nonsense? Did you say nonsense?"
+
+"Of course she did," said Willie, "and so do I."
+
+"Nonsense! To me? Do you forget what my name is?"
+
+"Oh, no, nothing easier than to remember it. You are the Great
+Zankiwank."
+
+"Thank you, I am satisfied. I thought you had forgotten. I am not cross
+with you."
+
+Maude and Willie vowed they would not cross him for anything, let alone
+nothing, and so the Zankiwank was appeased and offered to give them the
+correct answer to his own unanswerable conundrum. Do you know what a
+conundrum is though? I will tell you while the Zankiwank is curling his
+whiskers:--
+
+A conundrum is an impossible question with an improbable answer. Think
+it over the next time you read "Robinson Crusoe."
+
+  "Nothing is better than a good little girl;
+  But a jam tart is better than nothing,
+  Therefore a jam tart is better than the best little girl alive."
+
+"What do you think of that?" said the Zankiwank.
+
+"I have heard something like it before. But that is nothing. Anyhow I
+would much rather be a little girl than a jam tart--because a jam tart
+must be sour because it's tart, and a little girl is always sweet,"
+promptly replied Willie, kissing his sister Maude on the nose--but that
+was an accident, because she moved at the wrong moment.
+
+"You distress me," said the Zankiwank. "Suppose I were to try to shoot
+Folly as it flies, and hit a Fool's Cap and Bells instead, what would
+you say?"
+
+"I should say that you had shot at nothing and missed it."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+At this Maude and Willie laughed girlsterously and boysterously, and the
+Zankiwank wept three silent tears in the teeth of the wind and declared
+that nothing took his fancy so much as having nothing to take. So they
+took him by the arm and begged him, as he was so clever and had
+mentioned the name, to take them to Fancy's dwelling-place.
+
+"I think Fancy must dwell amongst the wild flowers--the sweet beautiful
+wild flowers that grow in such charming variety of disorder." Saying
+this, Maude took Willie's hand and urged the Zankiwank forward.
+
+Before the Zankiwank could reply, a company of fairies, all dressed in
+pink and green, leapt from the petals of the flowers and danced forward,
+singing to the buzz of the bees and the breaking note of the
+yellow-ammer with his bright gamboge breast:--
+
+
+WHERE IS FANCY BRED.
+
+  O would you know where Fancy dwells?
+    And where she flaunts her head?
+  Come to the daisy-spangled dells,
+    And seek her in her bed.
+  For Fancy is a maiden sweet,
+    With all a maiden's whims;
+  As quick as thought--as Magic fleet--
+    Like gossamer she skims.
+
+  O seek among the birds and bees,
+    And search among the buds;
+  In babbling brook, in silver seas,
+    Or in the raging floods.
+  Gaze upward to the starry vault;
+    Or ask the golden sun:
+  Though ever you will be at fault
+    Before your task is done.
+
+  O would you know where Fancy dwells?
+    It is not in the flow'rs;
+  It is not in the chime of bells,
+    Nor in the waking hours.
+  It is not in the learned brain,
+    Nor in the busy mart;
+  It lives not with the false and vain,
+    But in the tender heart.
+
+As mysteriously as they had appeared, the fairies vanished again, and
+only the rustling of the leaves and the twittering of the birds making
+melody all around, reminded the children that they were on enchanted
+ground. Now and then the bull-frogs would set up a croaking chorus in
+some marshy land far behind, but as no one could distinguish what they
+said it did not matter.
+
+  O to be here for ever,
+  With the fairy band,
+  O to wake up never
+  From this dreamy land!
+  For the humblest plant is weighted
+  With some new perfume,
+  And the scent of the air drops like some prayer
+  And mingles with the bloom.
+  O to be here for ever, and never, never wake.
+
+Was that the music of the spheres they wondered? Somehow it seemed as
+though their own hearts' echo played to the words that fell so soft,
+like a fair sweet tender melody of fairies long ago.
+
+The Zankiwank had left them again, to send another telegram, perhaps,
+and Maude and Willie went rambling through the meadow and down by the
+brook, where they gathered nuts and berries and sat them down to enjoy a
+rural feast.
+
+Tiny elves and fairies were constantly coming and going, some driving in
+wee chariots with ants for horses and oak leaves for carriages. And
+while all the other flowers seemed quite gay and merry in the sunshine,
+the Poppies were nodding their scarlet heads and gently dozing, what
+time some wild Holly Hocks beat to and fro murmuring--
+
+  Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!
+    While the corn is ready to reap.
+  Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!
+    And the lightest hours a-creep.
+  Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!
+    On the edge of the misty deep.
+
+As they lay upon the bank, to their surprise a procession of birds came
+along, the two foremost being fine handsome thrushes, carrying a large
+banner of ivy leaves, on which was inscribed, in letters of red clover,
+the following legend:--
+
+  BEAN-FEAST OF BIRDS
+  FROM LONDON AND
+  THE SUBURBS.
+
+"Fancy," said Maude, "all the birds of London Town come to Fairy-land
+for a change of air!"
+
+"And why not?" asked a saucy Cock-sparrow. "We can't be always singing
+the same song, so we come here for a change of air, and of course when
+we get a change of air we return with new melodies. If you were to Reed
+your books properly you would know that the Pipes of our Organs--our
+vocal Organs--want tuning occasionally."
+
+Then, without any warning, they all struck up a new song, and marvel of
+marvels, instead of merely singing like ordinary birds, they sang the
+words as well. But before giving you the lyric that they voiced so
+melodiously I must tell you the names of some of the birds they saw, and
+if you live in London or any large town you will perhaps know several of
+them by sight, as well as by cognomen. First in the throng were the
+Mistle-Thrushes and the song Thrushes; the Redwing and the Fieldfare,
+the Blackbird and the Redstart, and the Redbreast with faithful Jenny
+Wren; the large family of Titmouse and the merry Chiff-chaff, with his
+pleasant little song of "Chiff-chaff; chiff-chaff; chiv-chave." The
+humoursome Wagtails and that rare visitant the Waxwing, hopped along
+together, followed by the Swallows and the Martins, and a whole posse of
+Finches of various orders, particularly the Chaffinches who were joking
+with the Linnets.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Then came the noisy Starlings, the Magpies and the Sparrows chattering
+incessantly and evidently talking scandal. The sly Jackdaws and the
+Ravens looking as sleek as Sunday Sextons, but evidently plotting
+mischief, were also present, in close proximity to the Rooks and the
+Crows, who were well able to take care of their own caws. Afterwards
+came the Swifts and the Larks up to all sorts of games. A few
+Woodpeckers joined their feathered friends, and one Cuckoo was there,
+because Willie heard him, but he kept somewhere in the background as
+usual. Owls and Bats and Millards with Wigeons and Pigeons brought up
+the rear with a few Plovers, including the Lapwing. Jack Snipe came
+tumbling after in a hurry, with a stranger called the Whimbrel and a
+Puffin out of breath. There were other birds as well, but I don't think
+you would know them if I mentioned them. Maude and Willie did not, and
+they were quite authorities on ornithology, and perhaps you are not.
+
+
+THE SONG OF THE BIRDS.
+
+  We are the birds of London Town,
+    Come out to take the air,
+  To change our coats of grey and brown,
+    And trim our feathers rare.
+
+  For London fogs so very black
+    Our tempers disarrange,
+  And so we skip with piping trip,
+    To have our yearly change.
+
+        Pee wit! Tu! whoo!
+          How do you do?
+        Tweet! tweet! chip! chip!
+        Chiff! chaff! chiff chay!
+        Weet wee! weet weet! sweet way!
+                      Cuckoo!
+
+  We sing our songs in London Town,
+    To make the workers gay;
+  And seeds and crumbs they throw us down--
+    'Tis all we ask as pay.
+
+  We make them think of fields all green
+    And long-forgotten things;
+  Of far-off hopes and dreams a-sheen
+    And love with golden wings.
+
+        Pee wit! Tu! whoo!
+          How do you do?
+        Tweet! tweet! chip! chip!
+        Chiff! chaff! chiff chay!
+        Weet wee! weet weet! sweet way!
+                      Cuckoo!
+
+After this very entertaining song each bird stood on one leg, spread one
+wing, and joined partners for one of the prettiest dances you ever saw.
+It was called the Birds' Quadrille, and was so charmingly executed that
+even the flowers left their beds and borders to look on--the fairies
+peeping meanwhile from the buds to join in the general enjoyment. The
+voices of the flowers were lifted in gentle cadences to the rhythm of
+the feathered dancers' featly twists and turns.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+How happy the children felt in this beautiful place with all Nature
+vieing to show her sweetest charms. And how rich and rare were the gems
+of foliage and tree and humble creeping plants. How easy to forget
+everything--but joy--in this fairy paradise that Fancy so deftly
+pictured for them! Could there be anything sad in Flower Land? They
+could not believe it possible, and yet when a tiny little fairy stepped
+from a cluster of wild flowers and sang them the song of the Lily and
+the Rose, diamond tears stole down the cheeks of the little lass and the
+little lad.
+
+
+THE ROSE AND THE LILY.
+
+  A tender Rose, so pretty and sleek,
+    Loved a Lily pure and white;
+  And paid his court with breathings meek--
+    Watching o'er her day and night.
+  While the Lily bowed her virgin head,
+    The Rose his message sent;
+  The Lily clung to her lover red,
+    And gave her shy consent.
+
+        The Violets cooed, and the Hare-bells rang,
+          And the Jasmine shook with glee;
+        While the birds high in the branches sang,
+          "Forget not true to be."
+
+  Dear Flora came the wedding to see,--
+    The Cowslips had decked the bride,
+  The Red Rose trembled so nervously--
+    His blushes he could not hide.
+  The Daisies opened their wee white eyes,
+    The Pinks came down in rows;
+  "Forget-me-not!" the Lily cries,
+    "My own, my sweet Moss Rose!"
+
+        The Violets cooed, and the Hare-bells rang,
+          And the Jasmine shook with glee;
+        While the birds high in the branches sang,
+          "O may you happy be!"
+
+  The Flower-fairies were gathered there,
+    And every plant as well,
+  To attend the wedding of this pair
+    So sweet that no pen can tell.
+  But a cruel wind came sweeping by--
+    The Lily drooped and died....
+  Then the Red Rose gave one tearful sigh,
+    And joined his Lily bride.
+
+        The Violets wept, and the Hare-bells sobbed,
+          The Myrtle and Jasmine sighed;
+        The birds were hushed as their hearts all throbbed
+          At the death of the Rose's bride.
+
+Before the children had time to grow too sorrowful, there was a
+fluttering in the air and a rushing among the plants and flowers as the
+Zankiwank bounded into their presence, cutting so many capers that they
+were glad they were not to have mutton for dinner, as certainly all the
+capers would be destroyed.
+
+The Zankiwank was in very high spirits, and gleefully announced that the
+Court of the Fairies, with the Queen, was coming, as Sally who lived in
+somebody's alley had just informed him. Then he burst out singing to a
+tune, which I daresay you all know, the following foolish words:--
+
+  Of all the flowers that are so smart,
+    There's none like Daffydilly!
+  She'd be the darling of my heart,
+    But she has grown so silly!
+  There is no wild flower in the land
+    That's half so tame as Daisy;
+  To her I'd give my heart and hand,
+    But fear I'd drive her crazy!
+
+  And then there is the Cabbage Rose,
+    Also the China Aster;
+  But Buttercup with yellow nose
+    Would cause jealous disaster.
+  Forget-me-not, O Violet dear!
+    Primrose, you know my passion!
+  For all the plants afar--anear
+    I court in flowery fashion!
+
+"Oh, please be serious!" cried Willie. "_What_ is the matter with you,
+Mr Zankiwank?"
+
+You will perceive that Willie and Maude were quite at home in their new
+surroundings, and nothing seemed to surprise them one whit, not even the
+unexpected which they constantly anticipated.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+The Zankiwank only asked permission to send one more telegram to the
+Bletherwitch, and then he condescended to inform them that Queen Titania
+was about to pay a visit to the Flowers and the Birds, and sure enough,
+before he had done speaking, Titania arrived all the way from Athens,
+with a full train of fairies and elves, accompanied by a fairy band
+playing fairy music. Robin Goodfellow skipped in advance, while
+Peaseblossom, Cobweb, Moth, and Mustard-seed attended on the lovely
+Queen.
+
+"Indeed, indeed this must be a Midsummer Night's Dream!"
+
+"Indeed and indeed then it is," mocked the impudent Robin Goodfellow.
+"The fairies are not dead yet; and they never will die while good little
+girls and boys, and poets with sweet imaginations, live. But quick, let
+not the Queen see you! Eat of these Fern Seeds and you will become
+invisible even to the fairies. They are special seeds of my own growing
+and warranted to last as long as I choose."
+
+So Maude and Willie ate of the Fern Seeds and became invisible, even to
+the Zankiwank, who was dreadfully distressed and went about calling them
+by name. In a spirit of mischief Willie pinched his exceedingly thin
+legs, making him jump as high as an April rain-bow, and causing him to
+be called to order by the Court Usher.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"And now," said Titania, waving her wand and calling the Flowers and
+Birds to her Court, "let the Jackdaw sing his well-known War Song."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"If you please, your majesty, I have left the music at home and
+forgotten the words," pleaded the Jackdaw.
+
+"Very well, then sing it without either or you shall not have a new
+coat until the Spring."
+
+So the Jackdaw stepped forth and sang as below, while the Rook
+irreverently cleared his throat above for his friend, and cried "Caw!
+Caw!"
+
+
+THE JACKDAW'S JEST.
+
+  If peaches grew on apple trees,
+    And frogs were made of glass;
+  And bulls and cows were turned to bees,
+    And rooks were made of grass;
+  If boys and girls were made of figs,
+    If figs were made of dates,
+  Upon the sands they'd dance like grigs
+    With bald and oval pates.
+
+  If mortals had got proper sense
+    And were not quite so mad;
+  Their mood would make them more intense,
+    To make each other glad:
+  If only they would understand
+    The things that no one knows,
+  They'd live like fairies in the land,
+    And never come to blows.
+
+"That's a very nice War Song--it's so peaceful and soothing," spake the
+Queen. "And now call the Poets from Freeland. This is the time for them
+to renew their licences, though I greatly fear that they have been
+taking so many liberties of late that any licence I can give them will
+prove superfluous."
+
+"Superfluous! Superfluous! That _is_ a good word," muttered the
+Zankiwank. "I wonder what it means?" Whereupon he went and asked Robin
+Goodfellow and all the other Fairies, but as nobody knew, it did not
+matter, and the Poets arriving at that moment he thought of a number and
+sat on a toadstool.
+
+Maude recognised several of the Poets who came to have their licences
+renewed--she had heard of "poetic licence" before, but never dreamed
+that one had to get the unwritten freedom from Fairyland. But so it was.
+Several of the Poets seemed to be exorbitant in their demands, and
+wanted to make their poems all licence, but this Titania would not
+consent to, so they went away singing, all in tune too, a little piece
+that Robin Goodfellow said was a Rondel:--
+
+  Life is but a mingled song,
+    Sung in divers keys;
+  Sweet and tender, brave and strong,
+    As the heart agrees.
+
+  Naught but love each maid will please
+    When emotions throng;
+    Life is but a mingled song,
+  Sung in divers keys.
+
+  Youth and age nor deem it wrong,
+    Sing with joyous ease,
+  That your days you may prolong
+    Freed from Care's decrees.
+  Life is but a mingled song
+    Sung in divers keys.
+
+So on their way they went rejoicing--saying pretty things to the
+fairies, the flowers and the birds, for they are their best friends you
+know, and they love all Nature with a vast and all-embracing,
+all-enduring love.
+
+One singer as he went along chanted half-sadly:--
+
+  To tell of other's joys the poet sings;
+    To tell of Love, its sweets and eke its pain;
+  The tenderest songs his magic fancy strings,
+    Of Love, perchance, that he may never gain.
+  Hearts may not break and passion may be weak,
+  But O the grief of Love that dare never speak!
+
+A light-hearted bard then took up the cue and carolled these lines:--
+
+  There's so much prose in life that now and then,
+    A tender song of pity stirs the heart,
+  A simple lay of love from fevered pen,
+    Makes in some soul the unshed tear-drops start.
+  Sing, poets! sing for aye your sweetest strain,
+  For life without its poetry were vain!
+
+Then they all sang together a song of May, although Queen Titania had
+declared that it was Midsummer. Perhaps her Midsummer lasts all the year
+round:--
+
+  When Winter's gone to rest,
+  And Spring is our dear guest;
+    The Merry May, at break of day,
+  Comes in gay garlands drest.
+  The brightest smiles she brings--
+  Of sweetest hopes she sings
+    And trips a-pace with dainty grace
+  And lightest fairy wings.
+
+  Joy is the song all Nature sighs,
+  Love is the light in maidens' eyes,
+    May is love alway:
+  The budding branch and nodding tree
+  Join in the revels and bow with glee
+    To greet the Virgin May.
+
+  While songsters choose and mate,
+  And woo their brides in state,
+    The youth and maid stroll through the glade
+  The birds to emulate!
+  Then comes the Queen of May,
+  To hold her court and sway,
+    While gallant blades salute the maids,
+  And whisper secrets gay.
+
+  Love is the song all Nature sighs,
+  While peace gleams in each maiden's eyes,
+    Youth is for joy alway!
+  The laughing rose and lily fair
+  Their fragrance shed upon the air,
+    As though 'twere ever May.
+
+As the Poets went on their happy way, the last one to depart turned to
+where Maude was standing, and though he could not possibly see her, said
+gently:--
+
+  O grant you, little maiden, your thoughts be aye sincere,
+    Your dreams turn into actions,
+  Your pleasures know no sear:
+    Your life be flowers and sunshine,
+  Your days be free from tear.
+
+How happy it made her! And what beautiful things these poets always
+thought of and said!
+
+"Now, Peaseblossom and Mustard Seed, you may sing that little song that
+I made for you when we were floating up near the Moon, and then we shall
+soon have to depart as we have so many calls to make this Midsummer
+Night."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Neither Willie nor Maude could understand how it could be Midsummer
+Night, because Midsummer Day was such a long way off--quite six weeks,
+for this was only yet the month of May. But they did not say anything,
+because Robin Goodfellow was looking at them, and they knew they were
+invisible, because they could not even feel themselves--which is a
+curious sensation, when you come to think of it.
+
+Now, this is the song that Peaseblossom and Mustard Seed sang together
+in unison--the fairies, led by Robin Good fellow, joining in the
+chorus:--
+
+
+WILL YOU WALK INTO THE GARDEN.
+
+  Will you walk into the garden?
+    Said the Poppy to the Rose,
+  Your tender heart don't harden,--
+    Do not elevate your nose.
+  For the Gilly-flower has sent us
+    All because of your perfume,
+  And the Box a case has lent us,
+    To make a little room.
+
+        So Rosey! Rosey! sweet little posy
+          Come to our garden fete,
+        And our little Cock-roaches will lend you their coaches,
+          So that you mayn't be late.
+
+  All the Waterblinks are waiting,
+    Just beneath the Dogwood's shade;
+  While the Teazle's loudly prating
+    To the Madder's little maid!
+  The old Cranberry grows tartish
+    All about a Goosefoot Corn,
+  But the Primrose, dressed quite smartish,
+    Will explain it's but a thorn.
+
+        So Rosey! Rosey! sweet little posy
+          Come to our garden fete;
+        Our naughty young nettles shall be on their fettles,
+          All stinging things to bate.
+
+  Now for tea there's Perrywinkles
+    And some Butterwort and Sedge,
+  House-leeks and Bird's-nest-binkles,
+    With some Sundew from the hedge,
+  There is Sorrel, Balsam, Mallow,
+    Some Milk Wort and Mare's Tail too,
+  With some Borage and some Sallow,
+    Figworts and Violets blue.
+
+        So Rosey! Rosey! sweet little posy,
+          Come to our garden fete,
+        And the Iris and Crocus shall sing us and joke us
+          Some humorous things sedate.
+
+"That's all very well," exclaimed the Zankiwank. "Roses are always
+delightful, especially the Cabbage Roses, because you can eat them for
+breakfast, but every rose has its drawback.... Ho! and it's thorn," he
+added, dancing with pain, for at that moment several rose bushes he was
+passing by gave him a good pricking.
+
+"Ah!" said Queen Titania, "that is not the way to look at the beautiful
+things of life. It is because the thorns have roses that we should be
+thankful, and not find fault because the roses have thorns."
+
+"That is a sentiment that I can endorse--it is a true bill, and almost
+as good as one of my own," replied Robin Goodfellow saucily; "and now
+let us wander through the Florange grove and gather some Moranges and
+Lemons."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Neither Maude nor Willie had heard of Floranges or Moranges, and
+wondered what sort of fruit they could be, when their attention was
+drawn once more to Queen Titania and her court of fairies, who were all
+seated beneath the greenwood tree eating puddings and pies that Mustard
+Seed and Peaseblossom and Cobweb were making for them, chanting, as they
+cooked the pastry by the fire of their own eloquence, this doggerel:--
+
+  First you take a little orange,
+    And you squeeze out all the pips;
+  Then you add a crimson florange,
+    Which you cut up into chips.
+  Then you stir them in a porringe,
+    With your tiny finger tips;
+  And you have the finest morange
+    Ever known to mortal lips.
+
+How Willie and Maude longed to taste a morange! The Zankiwank evidently
+enjoyed the one he had, for he said it tasted just like mango, ice
+cream, blackberries and plum tart all mixed up together, so that it must
+have been nice.
+
+After the feast Titania said she must be going, as she felt certain
+that there were some invisible mortals present. She could hear them
+breathing! At this Robin Goodfellow grew nervous, and the children got
+frightened lest the Queen should discover and punish them for their
+temerity.
+
+  "Where Christmas pudding's bliss
+    'Tis folly to eat pies,"
+
+cried Robin Goodfellow to divert attention and the fairies at the same
+time, but the Queen was not satisfied, and ordered a special dress train
+to carry them away again.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+At this moment the two children tumbled off nothing into a vacant space,
+making the Zankiwank scream out--"It must be the Bletherwitch in the
+clutches of the Nargalnannacus." But it wasn't, and if it had not been
+for Robin Goodfellow's presence of mind, I am sure I do not know what
+would have happened. That lively rascal, however, guessing that he had
+used the wrong seeds, at once stepped forward, and taking Maude and
+Willie each by the hand, boldly presented them to Her Majesty as being
+favoured mortals who were friends of the Zankiwank, and so the Queen
+received them and asked them more questions than you could find in any
+school book. None of which they answered, because when they turned round
+the Queen and all her court had vanished, and only the Zankiwank was to
+be seen.
+
+The Zankiwank took no notice of them whatever, and behaved just as
+though he could not see them. They called him by name without arousing
+his attention, for he was once more writing a telegram, only he did not
+know where to send it. In the distance Maude could hear the sound of
+voices, and she declared she could recognise the Queen singing, though
+Willie said it must have been her imagination because he could not.
+However, this is what Maude said she heard:--
+
+  Dear little maid, may joy be thine
+    As through your life you go;
+  Let Truth and Peace each act design,
+    That Hope turn not to woe.
+
+  Dream if you will in maiden prime,
+    But let each dream be true;
+  For idle hopes waste golden time,
+    That won't return to you.
+
+  In after years when ways divide,
+    And Love dispels each tear,
+  Know in some breast there will abide
+    A thought for you sincere.
+
+  So strive, dear maid, to play your part,
+    With noble aim and deed;
+  Let sweetness ever sway your heart,
+    And so I give you speed.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+While Maudie was pondering over the meaning of these words, she was
+suddenly lifted off her feet, and, when she recovered from the shock,
+found herself with Willie in a balloon, while down below the Zankiwank
+was fondly embracing the Jackarandajam, who had just arrived with a
+whole army of odd-looking people, including Jack-the-Giant-Killer, Tom
+Thumb, Blue Beard, and all his wives, with Sister Anne, Dick
+Whittington, and his black cat, and Tom Tiddler, and about three
+thousand four hundred and five goblins and sprites, who all commenced
+running a race up and down the valley from which they were fast
+speeding.
+
+"Keep the pot a-boiling; keep the pot a-boiling," bawled the Zankiwank,
+and away they all went again, helter skelter, in and out, and up and
+down, like skaters on a rink.
+
+Gradually the balloon altered its course, and instead of going up it
+went straight ahead to a large inpenetrable wall that seemed to threaten
+them with destruction; while, to the annoyance of both Maude and Willie,
+they could hear the revellers down below dancing and singing as though
+they were in no jeopardy. And if the words had been correct they would
+have declared that it was the Mariners of England who were singing their
+own song:--
+
+  You sleepy little mortals,
+    High up in a balloon,
+  You soon will pass the portals,
+    Beyond the crescent moon.
+  Then Shadowland will come in view,
+    A dream within a dream;
+      So keep in your sleep
+        While we keep up the steam;
+      While the midnight hours are all a-creep,
+        And we are all a-beam.
+
+  The spirits of the fairies
+    This eve are very bright,
+  For in your nest the mare is
+    Who only rides by night.
+  Into a magic sphere you go,
+    A dream within a dream.
+      So keep in your sleep,
+        While we keep up the steam,
+      For Shadow Land is deep and steep,
+        And we are all a-beam.
+
+With a bump, and a thump, and a jump, the balloon burst against the
+wall, and Maude and Willie felt themselves dropping, dropping, dropping,
+until the Zankiwank bounced up and caught them both in his arms, saying
+as he rushed forward:--
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"Quick, the gates are only open for five seconds once a week, and if we
+don't get inside at once we shall be jammed in the door-way."
+
+So into Shadow Land they tumbled as the porter mumbled and grumbled and
+shut the gate with a boom and a bang after them.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+Part III
+
+A Visit to Shadow Land
+
+
+  _Swift as a shadow, short as any dream;
+  Bright as the lightning in the collied night,
+  That, in a spleen, unfolds both heaven and earth,
+  And ere a man hath power to say "Behold!"
+  The jaws of darkness do devour it up:
+  So quick bright things come to confusion._
+                                                          SHAKESPEARE.
+
+
+  _There's a crushing and a crashing--there's a flaring and a flashing,
+  There's a rushing and a dashing, as if crowds were hurrying by--
+  There's a screaming and a shouting, as a multitude was routing,
+  And phantom forms were flouting the blackness of the sky,
+  And in mockery their voices are lifted wild and high,
+    As they lilt a merry measure while they fly._
+                                                        J. L. FORREST.
+
+
+
+
+A Visit to Shadow Land
+
+
+"This," cheerily explained the Zankiwank, "is Shadow Land, where
+everything is mist, though nothing is ever found, because nothing is
+ever lost, for you cannot lose nothing unless you have nothing to gain.
+Consequently I shall leave you to find out everything else," with which
+nonsensical introduction the Zankiwank caught hold of the wings of a
+house, sprang on to the gables, and flew down the nearest chimney,
+followed by all the dancers they had seen below, including the
+Jackarandajam and all the residents from Story-Book Land of whom you can
+think. But if you cannot think of all of them yourself, ask your sisters
+to think for you.
+
+It certainly was a Land of Shadows, where revolving lights like flashes
+from a lighthouse sent all sorts of varying rays right through the
+mists, presenting to them a fresh panorama of views every other minute
+or so. The shadows danced all through the place, which seemed like a
+large plateau or table-land, near a magnificent stretch of ocean which
+they could see before them with ships passing to and fro incessantly.
+And all the time, goblins, hob, nob and otherwise, red, blue, and green,
+kept rushing backwards and forwards, sometimes with a whole school of
+children following madly in their wake. Such a dashing and a crashing
+was never seen or heard before, and as each creature carried his shadow
+with him, you can just imagine what a lot of lights and shades there
+must have been. Occasionally there would be a slight lull in the
+excitement, and the racing and the rushing would cease for awhile. Each
+time that there was a pause in the seemingly endless races, a quaint
+round-faced little person, dressed in short petticoats, sky blue
+stockings and a crimson peaked hat, stepped from Nowhere in particular,
+and either sang a song herself or introduced a small girl spirit, or
+boy spirit, who did so for her.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+The first time, she descended on to the plateau on a broom, and
+introduced herself by throwing a light from the magic lantern which she
+carried, on to a sheet of water which she unfolded, and thereon appeared
+this announcement:--
+
+  I AM THE GREAT LITTLE WINNY WEG.
+
+But as neither Willie nor Maude knew what a Winny Weg was, they were
+necessarily compelled to await further developments. However, as none
+came, they listened carefully to her song, which, as far as I can
+remember, was like this:--
+
+
+THE FUNNY LITTLE MAN.
+
+  I am going to tell a story of a little girl I knew,
+  She had a little sweetheart no bigger than my shoe;
+  She used to sit and sew all day--he used to run and play,
+  And when she tried to chide him, this is all that he would say:
+
+  O my! Here's such a jolly spree!
+  Sally Water's coming with Jack Sheppard into tea,
+  She's bringing Baby Bunting with old Mother Hubbard's Dog,
+  And little Jacky Horner with the Roly Poly Frog.
+  O my! it fills my heart with glee!
+  The House that Jack is building isn't big enough for me!
+
+  In time these two got married and they took a little house,
+  And soon a tiny baby came, no bigger than a mouse;
+  But still the little husband played at skipping rope and top
+  With all the little girls and boys, and drank their ginger-pop.
+
+  O my! this funny little Sam
+  Thought the world was bread and cheese, and all the trees were jam;
+  He stood his baby on its head, and played at shuttlecock,
+  And then he rocked himself to sleep with cakes of almond-rock.
+  O my! he was a sniggadee!
+  He went to bed at one o'clock and rose at half-past three.
+
+  Now once they gave a party, and sweet Cinderella came
+  With Blue Beard and Red Riding Hood and little What's-His-Name;
+  And Nelly Bly who winked her eye and Greedy Tommy Stout,
+  Bo-Peep and Tam O'Shanter, and likewise Colin Clout.
+
+  O my! it was a jolly spree!
+  Ev'ry one from Fairy Land and Fiddle Faddle Fee,
+  And Mary brought her Little Lamb, from which they all had chops,
+  While Puck and Cupid served them with some hot boiled acid drops.
+  O my! it was a happy spread,
+  They all sat down on toadstools and in mushrooms went to bed.
+
+  As time went on, and he grew grey, he took to flying kites,
+  And then he took to staying out so very late o' nights!
+  One day he thought he was a bird and flew up in the air,
+  And if you listen you will hear singing now up there:--
+
+  O my! I'm such a funny Coon,
+  I'm going to get some green cheese away up in the Moon;
+  I'm going to see the Evening Star, to ask him why he blinks,
+  Also the Sun to ascertain about the things she thinks.
+  O my! I feel so gay and free,
+  I'm going to call on Father Time and then return to tea.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+The two children were so absorbed in listening to this rhyming rigmarole
+that they did not observe the Winny Weg depart, though, when they came
+to think of it, the last verse was sung in the clouds, and presumably
+by the Funny Little Man himself, and they quite longed for him to pay
+them a call. But he didn't, so the goblins started off once more on
+their wild career, this time on horseback, making such a hammering and a
+clattering as almost to deafen them.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Quickly in the rear of the white horses and the spirits, who all wore
+little round caps with tassels at the top, came a procession of
+dolls--wax dolls, wooden dolls, and saw-dust dolls, very finely dressed,
+with here and there a doll who had lost a leg, or an arm, or a head,
+while some were quite cripples, and had to be carried by a train of tiny
+girls in very short frocks and very long sashes. At the head of these
+appeared the Winny Weg again, and just as they were vanishing in the
+shadows, a regular shower of broken dolls came down in dreadful
+disorder, causing the children to break from their ranks to gather up
+their property, as the dolls, it was evident, were their own old
+companions which they had discarded when new ones were given to them.
+One particularly disreputable doll, with a broken nose and a very
+battered body, was claimed by the prettiest child of all, and as she
+picked it up, she stepped into the centre of a ring formed by her
+school-fellows, and recited to them this pathetic poem:--
+
+
+THE UNFORTUNATE DOLL.
+
+  O poor Dolly! O pitty sing!
+    An' did um have a fall?
+  Some more tourt plaster I must bling
+    Or else oo'll squeam and squall!
+  I never knew a doll like oo--
+    Oo must have been made yong;
+  I don't fink oo were born twite new--
+    Oo never have been stwong!
+
+  I held oo to the fire one day
+    To make oose body warm;
+  And melted oose poor nose away--
+    And then oo lost oose form.
+  Yen some yude boy, to my surplise,
+    Said oo had dot a stwint;
+  And yen he painted both oose eyes
+    And wapped oo up in lint.
+
+  Your yosey cheeks were nets to fade,
+    Oose blush bedan to do;
+  And now I'm welly much aflaid
+    Oose lost oose big yight toe.
+  Oose left leg is no longer left,
+    Oose yight arm's left oo too;
+  And of your charm oo is beyeft,
+    And no doll tums to woo!
+
+  And oose a hollow little fing,
+    Oose saw-dust has yun out;
+  Your stweak is gone, oo cannot sing,
+    Oose lips tan't form a pout.
+  Oose hair is dyed, an' all is done,
+    Oose ears are in oose neck;
+  An' so my Dolly, darling one,
+    Oo _is_ a fearful weck.
+  It is too bad--I loved oo so--
+    That oo should die so soon,
+  An' to the told, told drave must do
+    This velly afternoon!
+
+[Illustration]
+
+After this affecting recital they all took out their "hankelwiches," as
+the owner of the Unfortunate Doll said, and placing themselves in line,
+they followed, as mourners, the remains of the deceased doll to the end
+of a back garden, which some of the goblins had brought in with them.
+Then everything faded away again, and more shadows danced on the land
+and the sea, until nothing was to be seen but the galloping sprites and
+the Winny Weg, who was dancing in a corner all by herself.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A pink light now burst through the haze, the goblins rode off, and a
+perfect fairy-land nursery was unfolded before Maude and Willie, who
+were reclining peacefully on a golden couch with silver cushions. They
+had no desire to talk, but were content to drink in all that they saw
+rapturously and silently. The nursery was crowded, wee baby-kins were
+crawling about everywhere, with a dozen coy cupid-like dots with bows
+and arrows. And right away at the back a beautiful garden was disclosed,
+in which happy young couples were seen perambulating arm-in-arm, talking
+soft nothings to each other. Meanwhile the crawling babies in the
+Universal Nursery began to stand up; and then commenced such a game of
+leap-frog by these tiny mites, that made even the Cheshire Cat smile. It
+was so funny to hear these dots call out to each other to tuck in their
+"tuppennies," and to see them flying, without stopping to take breath,
+over each other's backs. Even the little pink and blue cupids laughed
+until the babies crept back to their cribs once more, and were rocked
+off to sleep as the Winny Weg waved her wand, and an unseen choir of
+little girls and boys was heard singing this Lullaby:--
+
+
+O WE ARE SO SLEEPY!
+
+  O we are so sleepy!
+    Blinky, winky eyes:
+  Why are you so peepy
+    Ere the twilight dies?
+  See! the dustman calleth
+    As the shadows creep;
+  Eve's dark mantle falleth,
+    And we long to sleep.
+
+        To sleep! To sleep!
+          O we are so sleepy!
+            Blinky, winky eyes:
+          Why are you so peepy
+            Ere the twilight dies?
+
+  O we are so sleepy:
+    Nodding is each head,
+  Playing at bo-peepy,
+    Now the day is sped.
+  Birdies in their nesties
+    Rest in slumber deep;
+  Nodland's full of guesties
+    When we go to sleep.
+
+        To sleep! To sleep!
+          O we are so sleepy!
+            Blinky, winky eyes:
+          Why are you so peepy
+            When the twilight dies?
+
+The slight mist that had descended went up just like a gauze curtain,
+bringing into view again the lovely garden reposing in the rear in a
+beautiful green bath of light.
+
+Then the merry Winny Weg caught hold of the cupids and incited them to
+dance a slow gavotte, and as they danced they warbled lusciously:--
+
+
+CUPID'S GARDEN.
+
+  O chaste and sweet are the flowers that blow
+    In Cupid's Garden fair;
+  Shy Pansies for thoughts in clusters grow,
+    And Lilies pure and rare.
+  Violets white, and Violets blue,
+    And budding Roses red,
+  With Orange-bloom of tend'rest hue
+    Their fragrance gently spread.
+
+Other voices, which seemed to belong to the lads and lasses in the
+garden, joined in the chorus:--
+
+        Love is born of the Lily and Rose,
+          Love in a garden springs;
+        With maidens pure and bright it grows,
+          And in all hearts it sings.
+
+  Love lies Bleeding with Maiden's Blush,
+    Sighing Forget-me-not;
+  While the Gentle Heart with crimson flush
+    Peeps from its cooling grot.
+  And Love lies dreaming in idleness
+    To gain its own Heart's-Ease;
+  The Zephyrs breathe with shy caress,
+    Each youthful breast to please.
+
+        Love is born of the Lily and Rose,
+          Love in a garden springs;
+        With maidens pure and bright it grows,
+          And for all hearts it sings.
+
+How delicious and soothing Shadow Land was! Shadow Land! The Land of
+Yesterday, To-Day and To-morrow. The Land of Hope, and Joy and Peace.
+The two children wandered off, as it were, into a dream for a time, and
+when they gazed again, the garden was more delightful than ever--a
+joyous blend of Spring and Summer seemed to invade the grounds, while
+many of the flowers and trees showed slight signs of Autumn tinting. In
+one corner of the garden a magnificent marble and bronze fountain
+unexpectedly sprang up through the ground and played unceasingly to the
+ethereal skies. Merry children danced and played around its base, and
+lovers young and old promenaded affectionately up and down the
+innumerable groves, stopping now and then to offer each other a draught
+of the sparkling water that fell so deliciously into the amber cups.
+
+There were no shadows now. All was bright and glorious; sunlight and
+pleasure reigned supreme. From the clouds unseen singers sang softly to
+the people as they passed and repassed, and this was the story of their
+song:--
+
+  In a garden stood a fountain,
+    Sparkling in the noon-day sun,
+  Rising like a crystal mountain--
+    Never ceasing--never done!
+  Happy children came there playing,
+    Laughing in their frolic glee;
+  'Mong the flow'rs and brambles straying,
+    Tasting life's sweet ecstasy.
+
+              O fountain pure and bright,
+                Dance in the joyous sun;
+              And sparkle in your might,
+                Until all life is done.
+
+  In the summer came the lovers,
+    Plighting troth beneath its shade;
+  Warm heart's secret each discovers--
+    Happy youth and happy maid!
+  Plays the fount so soft and featly
+    In the breeze of waning day,
+  As the lovers whisper sweetly,
+    "I will love you, love alway."
+
+              O fountain pure and bright,
+                Dance in the joyous sun;
+              And sparkle in your might
+                Until all life is done.
+
+  In the winter, cold and dreary,
+    Cease the waters in their play;
+  But the lovers, grey and weary,
+    Seek the tryst of yesterday!
+  Time and tide flow on for ever,
+    Heedless of man's joy or pain;
+  But beyond the tideless river
+    Trusting hearts will meet again.
+
+              O fountain pure and bright,
+                Dance in the joyous sun;
+              And sparkle in your might,
+                Until all life is done.
+
+The voices faded and died away; the scene changed and a purple curtain
+descended, hiding everything and everybody except the Winny Weg. An
+extraordinary commotion outside warned the half-dozing children that a
+fresh flight of goblins might be expected. And sure enough in stalked an
+army of giants from one side, who were met by an army of dwarfs from the
+other, the latter on stilts. But the curious thing about them was that
+the giants had only got one eye, which was stuck on the ends of their
+noses, while the dwarfs had their eyes where their ears ought to be, and
+their ears in the place usually reserved for the eyes. Besides which
+they each had a large horn fixed in the middle of their foreheads.
+
+Both armies expressed surprise at seeing each other, the leaders of
+which said quite calmly, as though they were asking one another to have
+a penny bun cut up in four between them--both said quite calmly--
+
+"I suppose we must fight now we have met?"
+
+Upon hearing this the Winny Weg mounted her broom-stick and flew up out
+of harm's way.
+
+And then commenced the most terrible battle ever seen on land or sea.
+They fought with penknives and darning-needles, the battle lasted half
+an hour, and only one stilt was injured. So they began again, using coal
+scuttles and tongs, and the din was so fearful, and the giants and the
+dwarfs got so mixed up that a railway train filled with Shadows of the
+Past rushed on and sent both armies flying. Then the shadows deepened
+and deepened, and the lightning flashed, the thunders crashed, the sea
+roared, and a great red cavern opened and swallowed up everything,
+including Maude and Willie, who certainly were not quite awake to what
+was going forward, and all they could recollect of the occurrence was
+that they saw the winkles and the shrimps on the sea-shore playing at
+bowls with the cockles.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+Part IV
+
+The Land of Topsy Turvey
+
+
+  _In the noon of night, o'er the stormy hills
+    The fairy minstrels play;
+  And the strains replete with fantastic dreams,
+    On the wild gusts flit away.
+  Then the sleeper thinks, as the dreamful song
+    On the blast to his slumber comes,
+  That his nose as the church's spire is long,
+    And like its organ hums!_
+                                                     R. D. WILLIAMS.
+
+
+  _Wouldst know what tricks, by the pale moonlight,
+    Are played by one, the merry little Sprite?
+  I wing through air from the camp to the court,
+  From King to clown, and of all make sport,
+    Singing I am the Sprite
+    Of the merry midnight
+  Who laughs at weak mortals and loves the moonlight._
+                                                       THOMAS MOORE.
+
+
+
+
+The Land of Topsy Turvey
+
+
+If Maude and Willie had been in a state of somnolency during their
+sojourn in Shadow Land, they felt themselves very much awake on reaching
+the land of Topsy Turvey. They knew they were in Topsy Turvey Land
+because they were greeted with a jingling chorus to that effect
+immediately they opened their eyes:--
+
+  O this is Topsy Turvey Land,
+  Where ev'ry one is gay and bland,
+    And day is always night.
+  We welcome to all strangers give,
+  For by their custom we must live,
+    Because we're so polite.
+
+  O this is Topsy Turvey Land,
+  And all our goods are in demand,
+    By mortal, fay and sprite.
+  Our novelties are warranted,
+  And through the land their fame is spread,
+    Because we're so polite.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Surely they had been whisked back to Charing Cross again without knowing
+it? The long wide thoroughfare in which the children now found
+themselves was just like one of the main shopping streets in London.
+Some parts reminded them of Regent Street, some of the Strand, and some
+of Oxford Street. Yes, and there was the Lowther Arcade, only somehow a
+little different. It was odd. Toy shops, novelty stores, picture shops,
+and shops of all sorts and sizes greeted them on either hand. Moreover,
+there were the shopkeepers and their assistants, and crowds of people
+hurrying by, jostling the loungers and the gazers; and the one
+policeman, who was talking to a fat person in a print gown who was
+standing at the area steps of the only private house they could see.
+They were wondering what they should do when the policeman cried out:--
+
+"Come along there! Now then, move on!" How rude of him. However, they
+"moved on," and were nearly knocked down by the Zankiwank, who darted
+into the post-office to receive a telegram and to send one in reply.
+
+They followed him, of course; they knew the telegram was from the
+Bletherwitch, and the Zankiwank read it out to them:--
+
+     "Fashions in bonnets changed. Have ordered six mops. Don't
+     forget the cauliflower. Postpone the wedding at once. No
+     cards."
+
+"Now what does that mean," murmured the expectant bridegroom. "My
+Bletherwitch cannot be well. I'll send her some cough lozenges." So he
+wrote a reply and despatched it:--
+
+     "Take some cough drops every five minutes. Have ordered
+     cucumber for supper. Pay the cabman and come by electricity."
+
+"That certainly should induce her to come, don't you think so? She is so
+very sensitive. Well, I must not be impatient, she is exceedingly
+charming when you catch her in the right mood."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Maude scarcely believed that the Bletherwitch could possess so many
+charms, or she would not keep her future husband waiting so long for
+her. But she knew it was useless offering any advice on so delicate a
+subject, so she and Willie begged the Zankiwank to be their guide and to
+show them the Lions of Topsy Turvey, which he readily agreed to do.
+
+And now, as they left the post-office, they turned their attention to
+the shops and were surprised to read the names over the windows of
+several individuals they had already met in the train. For instance, the
+Wimble lived next door to the Wamble, and each one had printed in the
+window a very curious legend.
+
+This is what the Wamble had:--
+
+  GOOD RESOLUTIONS BOUGHT, SOLD
+  AND EXCHANGED.
+
+  A FEW BAD, AND SOME SLIGHTLY DAMAGED,
+  TO BE DISPOSED OF--A BARGAIN.
+
+  _No connection with the business next door._
+
+While the Wimble stated the nature of his wares as follows:--
+
+  BAD RESOLUTIONS BOUGHT, SOLD
+  AND EXCHANGED.
+
+  A FEW GOOD, AND SOME SLIGHTLY INDIFFERENT,
+  TO BE DISPOSED OF--A BARGAIN.
+
+  _No connection with the business next door._
+
+"No connection with the business next door," repeated Willie.
+
+"Why, you told us that they were brothers--twins," indignantly cried
+Maude.
+
+"So they are! So they are! Don't you see they are twins from a family
+point of view only. In business, of course, they are desperately opposed
+to each other. That is why they are so prosperous," explained the
+Zankiwank.
+
+"Are they prosperous? I never heard of such a thing as buying and
+selling Resolutions. How can one buy a Good Resolution?" enquired Maude.
+
+"Or exchange Bad Resolutions," said Willie. "It is quite wicked."
+
+"Not at all. Not at all. So many people make Good Resolutions and never
+carry them out, therefore if there were no place where you could
+dispose of them they would be wasted."
+
+"But Bad Resolutions? Nobody makes Bad Resolutions--at least they ought
+not to, and I don't believe it is true!"
+
+"Pardon me," interrupted the Zankiwank. "If you make a Good Resolution
+and don't carry it out--doesn't it become a Bad Resolution? Answer me
+that."
+
+This, however, was an aspect of the question that had never occurred to
+them, and they were unable to reply.
+
+"It seems to me to be nonsense--and worse than nonsense--for one brother
+to deal in Bad Resolutions and the other in Good Resolutions. Why do not
+they become a Firm and mix the two together?" responded Maude.
+
+"You horrify me! Mix the Good and the Bad together? That would never do.
+The Best Resolutions in the world would be contaminated if they were all
+warehoused under one roof. Besides, the Wimble is himself full of Good
+Resolutions, so that he can mingle with the Bad without suffering any
+evil, while the Wamble is differently constituted!"
+
+The children did not understand the Zankiwank's argument a bit--it all
+seemed so ridiculous. A sudden thought occurred to Willie.
+
+"Who, then, collects the Resolutions?"
+
+"Oh, a person of no Resolution whatever. He commenced life with only one
+Resolution, and he lost it, or it got mislaid, or he never made use of
+it, or something equally unfortunate, and so he was christened Want of
+Resolution, and he does the collecting work very well, considering all
+things."
+
+No doubt the Zankiwank knew what he was talking about, but as the
+children did not--what did it signify? Therefore they asked no more
+questions, but went along the street marvelling at all they saw. The
+next shop at which they stopped was kept by
+
+  JORUMGANDER THE YOUNGER,
+  DEALER IN MAGIC AND MYSTERY.
+
+"Jorumgander the Younger is not of much use now," said the Zankiwank
+sorrowfully. "He chiefly aims at making a mystery of everything, but so
+many people not engaged in trade make a mystery of nothing every day,
+that he is sadly handicapped. And most sensible people hate a mystery of
+any kind, unless it belongs to themselves, so that he finds customers
+very shy. Once upon a time he would get hold of a simple story and turn
+it into such a gigantic mystery that all the world would be mystified.
+But those happy days are gone, and he thinks of turning his business
+into a company to sell Original Ideas, when he knows where to find
+them."
+
+"I don't see what good can come of making a mystery of
+anything--especially if anything is true," sagaciously remarked
+Maude.
+
+"But _anything_ is not true. Nor is _anything_ untrue. There is the
+difficulty. If anything were true, nothing would be untrue, and then
+where should we be?"
+
+"Nowhere," said Willie without thinking.
+
+"Exactly. That is just where we are now, and a very nice place it is.
+There is one thing, however, that Jorumgander the Younger--there he is
+with the pink eye-brows and green nose. Don't say anything about his
+personal appearance. What I was going to say he will say instead. It is
+a habit we have occasionally. He is my grandfather, you know."
+
+"Your grandfather! What! that young man? Why, he is not more than
+twenty-two and three quarters, I'm sure," replied Maude.
+
+"You are right. He _is_ twenty-two and three quarters. You don't quite
+understand our relationships. The boy, as you have no doubt heard, is
+father to the man. Very well. I am the man. When he was a boy on my
+aunt's side he was father to me. That's plain enough. He has grown older
+since then, though he is little more than a boy in discretion still,
+therefore he is my grandfather."
+
+"How very absurdly you do talk, Mr Zankiwank," laughed Willie; "but here
+is your grandfather," and at that moment Jorumgander the Younger left
+his shop and approached them with a case of pens which he offered for
+sale.
+
+"Try my Magic Pens. They are the best in the market, because there are
+no others. There is no demand for them, and few folk will have them for
+a gift. Therefore I can highly recommend them."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"How can you recommend your pens, when you declare that nobody will buy
+them?" demanded Willie.
+
+"Because they are a novelty. They are Magic Pens, you know, and of
+course as nobody possesses any, they must be rare. That is logic, I
+think."
+
+"Buy one," said the Zankiwank, "he has not had any supper yet."
+
+"In what way are they Magic Pens?" enquired Maude.
+
+"Ah! I thought I should find a customer between Michaelmas and May Day,"
+cried Jorumgander the Younger, quite cheerfully. "The beauty of these
+pens is that they never tell a story."
+
+"But suppose you want to write a story?"
+
+"That is a different thing. If you have the ability to write a story you
+won't want a Magic Pen. These pens are only for every-day use. For
+example: if you want to write to your charwoman to tell her you have got
+the toothache, and you haven't got the toothache, the Magic Pen refuses
+to lend itself to telling a--a----"
+
+"Crammer," suggested Willie.
+
+"Crammer. Thank you. I don't know what it means, but crammer is the
+correct word. The Magic Pen will simplify the truth whether you wish to
+tell it or not."
+
+"I do not understand," whispered Maude.
+
+"Let me try to explain," said Jorumgander the Younger politely. "The
+Magic Pen will only write exactly what you think--what is in your mind,
+what you ought to say, whether you wish to or not."
+
+"A very useful article, I am sure," said the Zankiwank. "I gave six
+dozen away last Christmas, but nobody used them after a few days, and I
+can't think why."
+
+"Ah!" sighed Jorumgander the Younger, "and I have had all my stock
+returned on my hands. The first day I opened my shop I sold more than I
+can remember. And the next morning all the purchasers came and wanted
+their money back. They said if they wanted to tell the truth, they knew
+how to do it, and did not want to be taught by an evil-disposed nib. But
+I am afraid they were not speaking the truth then, at any rate. Here,
+let me make you a present of one a-piece, and you can write and tell me
+all about yourselves when you go home. Meanwhile, as the streets are
+crowded, and our policeman is not looking, let us sing a quiet song to
+celebrate the event."
+
+  We sing of the Magic Pen
+    That never tells a story,
+  That in the hands of men
+    Would lead them on to glory.
+  For what you ought to do,
+    And you should all be saying,
+  In fact of all things true
+    This pen will be bewraying.
+
+      So let us sing a roundelay--
+        Pop goes the Weazel;
+      Treacle's four pence a pound to-day,
+        Which we think should please all.
+
+What the chorus had to do with the song nobody knew, but they all sang
+it--everybody in the street, and all the customers in the shops as well,
+and even the policeman sang the last line.
+
+  You take it in your hand
+    And set yourself a-writing;
+  No matter what you've planned,
+    The truth 'twill be inditing.
+  And thus you cannot fail,
+    To speak your mind correctly,
+  And honestly you'll sail,
+    But never indirectly.
+
+      So let us sing a roundelay--
+        Pop goes the Weazel;
+      Treacle's four pence a pound to-day,
+        Which we think will please all!
+
+Again everybody danced and sang till the policeman told them to "move
+on," when Jorumgander the Younger put up his shutters and went away.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"A most original man," exclaimed the Zankiwank; "he ought to have been a
+postman!"
+
+"A postman!--why?"
+
+"Because he was always such a capital boy with his letters. He knew his
+alphabet long before he could spell, and now he knows every letter you
+can think of."
+
+"I don't see anything very original in that," said Willie. "There are
+only twenty-six letters in the English language that he can know!"
+
+"Only twenty-six letters! Dear me, why millions of people are writing
+fresh letters every day, and he knows them all directly he sees them! I
+hope you will go to school some day and learn differently from that!
+Only twenty-six letters," repeated the Zankiwank in wonderment, "only
+twenty-six letters." Then he cried suddenly, "How convenient it would be
+if everybody was his own Dictionary!"
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"That is impossible. One cannot be a book."
+
+"Oh yes, nothing simpler. Let everybody choose his own words and give
+his own meaning to them!"
+
+"What use would that be?" asked Willie.
+
+"None whatever, because if you always had your own meaning you would
+not want anybody else to be meaning anything! What a lot of trouble that
+would save! I'll ask the Jackarandajam to make one for me--why, here he
+is!"
+
+The children recognised the Jackarandajam immediately and shook hands
+with him.
+
+"I am so glad to see you all. I have just been suffering from a most
+severe attack of Inspiration."
+
+"How very inexplicable--I beg your pardon," moaned the Zankiwank. "It is
+a little difficult, but it is, I believe, a strictly proper word--though
+I do not pretend to know its meaning."
+
+The Jackarandajam accepted the apology by gracefully bowing, though
+neither felt quite at ease.
+
+"What is the use of saying things you don't mean?" asked Maude.
+
+"None at all, that is the best of it, because we are always doing
+something without any reason."
+
+To attempt to argue with the Zankiwank Maude knew was futile, so she
+merely enquired how the Jackarandajam felt after his attack of
+Inspiration, and what he took for it.
+
+"Nothing," was the simple rejoinder. "It comes and it goes, and there
+you are--at least most of the time."
+
+"What is Inspiration?" said Willie.
+
+The Zankiwank and the Jackarandajam both shook their heads in a solemn
+manner, and looked as wise as the Sphinx. Then the former answered
+slowly and deliberately--
+
+"Inspiration is the sort of thing that comes when you do not fish for
+it."
+
+"But," said Willie, who did not quite see the force of the explanation,
+"you can't fish for a great many things and of course nothing comes. How
+do you manage then?"
+
+This was a decided poser, beating them at their own game, so the
+Zankiwank sent another telegram, presumably to the Bletherwitch, and the
+Jackarandajam made a fresh cigarette, which he carefully refrained from
+smoking. Then he turned to the two children and said mournfully--
+
+"Have you seen my new invention? Ah! it was the result of my recent
+attack of Inspiration. Come with me and I will show you." Thereupon he
+led the way to a large square, with a nice garden in the centre, where
+all the houses had bills outside to inform the passers by that these
+
+  DESIRABLE REVOLVING RESIDENCES
+  WERE TO BE
+  LET OR SOLD.
+
+"All my property. I had the houses built myself from my own plans. Come
+inside the first."
+
+So they followed the Jackarandajam and entered the first house.
+
+"The great advantage of these houses," he declared, "is that you can
+turn them round to meet the sun at will. They are constructed on a new
+principle, being fixed on a pivot. You see I turn this handle by the
+hall door, and Hey Presto! we are looking into the back garden, while
+the kitchen is round at the front!"
+
+And such was the fact! The house would move any way one wished simply by
+turning the electric handle.
+
+"It is so convenient, you see, if you don't want to be at home to any
+visitor. When you see anyone coming up the garden path, you move the
+crank and away you go, and your visitor, to his well-bred consternation,
+finds himself gazing in at the kitchen window. And then he naturally
+departs with many misgivings as to the state of his health. Especially
+if the cook is taken by surprise. You should never take a cook by
+surprise. It always spoils her photograph."
+
+"Oh dear! Oh dear!" cried Maude, "why will you say such contradictory
+things! I don't see the sense of having such a house at all. It would
+upset things so."
+
+"Besides," chimed in Willie, "you would never have any aspect or
+prospect."
+
+"Are they both good to eat?" said the Jackarandajam, eagerly.
+
+"Of course not. I meant that your house would first be facing the East,
+and then South, and then West, and then North, and what would be the use
+of that?"
+
+"No use whatever. That's why we do it. Oh, but do not laugh. We are not
+quite devoid of reason, because we are all mad!"
+
+"Are you really mad?"
+
+"Yes," was the gay response, "we don't mind it a bit. We are all as
+crooked as a teetotaler's corkscrew! I am glad you do not like the
+Revolving Houses, because I am going to sell them to the Clerk of the
+Weather and his eight new assistants!"
+
+"I did not know the Clerk of the Weather required any assistance,"
+exclaimed Willie, though personally he did not know the Clerk of the
+Weather.
+
+"Oh yes, he must have assistants. He does things so badly, and with
+eight more he will, if he is careful, do them worse."
+
+Here was another one of those contradictions that the children could not
+understand. I hope you can't, because I don't myself, generally. The
+Jackarandajam went on reflectively:--
+
+"It is bound to happen. The Clerk of the Weather has only one
+assistant now, and it takes the two of them to do a Prog--Prog--don't
+interrupt me--a Prog--Prognostication!--phew, what a beautiful
+word!--Prognostication ten minutes now. Therefore it stands to reason,
+as the Sun Dial remarked, that nine could do it in much less time!"
+
+"You will excuse me," halloed the Zankiwank down the next door
+dining-room chimney, "I beg to differ from you. That is to say on the
+contrary. For instance:--If it takes two people ten minutes to do a
+prog--you must fill in the rest yourself--prog--of course, as there are
+so many more to do the same thing, it must take them forty-five
+minutes."
+
+"What a brain," exclaimed the Jackarandajam, ecstatically; "he ought to
+have been born a Calculating Machine. He beats Euclid and that fellow
+named Smith on all points. I never thought of it in the light of
+multiplying the addition."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"More nonsense," observed Willie to Maude. "What does it all mean?" They
+looked out of window and saw the Zankiwank arguing with the Clerk of
+the Weather and the Weather Cock on top of the vane of a large building
+outside. Every minute they expected to see them tumble down, but they
+did not, so to cheer them up the Jackarandajam stood on his head and
+sang them this comic song:--
+
+
+THE CLERK OF THE WEATHER.
+
+  The Clerk of the Weather went out to walk
+    All down Victoria Street;
+  Of late his ways had caused much talk,
+    And chatter indiscreet.
+  So he donned a suit of mingled sleet,
+    With a dash of falling snow,
+  A rainy tie, and a streaky skye
+    Which barked where'er he'd go.
+
+Then, to the surprise of Willie and Maude, the Jackarandajam began to
+dance wildly, while the Weather Cock sang as follows:--
+
+      O cock-a-doodle-doo!
+        The weather will be fine--
+      If it does not sleet or hail or snow,
+      And if it does not big guns blow,
+        And the sun looks out to shine.
+
+The Jackarandajam stood on his head again and sang the second verse:--
+
+  Wrapt up in his thoughts he went along,
+    His manner sad and crossed;
+  With a windy strain he hummed a song,
+    Of thunderbolts and frost.
+  He strode with a Barometrical stride,
+    With forecasts on his brow;
+  Till he tripped up Short upon a slide,
+    Which made him vow a vow.
+
+The Weather Cock at once sang the chorus and the Jackarandajam danced as
+before.
+
+      O Cock-a-doodle-doo!
+        The weather will be fine--
+      If there is no fog, or drenching rain,
+      And thunder does not boom again,
+        And the sun looks out to shine.
+
+Now came the third and last verse:--
+
+  His prophesies got all mixed and mulled,
+    The Moon began to blink;
+  And all his faculties were dulled
+    When he saw the Dog Star wink!
+  And up on the steeple tall and black
+    The Weather Cock he crew!
+  He crew and he crowed till he fell in the road,
+    O cock-a-doodle-doo!
+
+And sure enough the Weather Cock did tumble into the road, and the Clerk
+of the Weather and the Zankiwank tumbled helter skelter after him.
+Immediately they got up again and rushed through the window, and
+catching hold of the children, they whirled them round and round,
+singing the final chorus all together:--
+
+      O cock-a-doodle-doo!
+        The weather will be fine--
+      If lightning does not flash on high,
+      Nor gloomy be the azure sky,
+        And the sun peeps out to shine.
+
+After which they all disappeared except the Zankiwank, and once again
+they found themselves in the street.
+
+"They were both wrong," muttered the Zankiwank to himself, "and yet one
+was right."
+
+"How could they both be wrong then? One was right? Very well. Then only
+one was wrong," corrected Maude.
+
+"No, they were both wrong--because I was the right one after all.
+Besides, you can't always prove a negative, can you?"
+
+"How tiresome of you! You only mentioned two and now say three. I do not
+believe you know what you do mean."
+
+"Not often, sometimes, by accident, you know--only do not tell anybody
+else."
+
+"You are certainly very extraordinary persons--that is all I can say,"
+said Willie. "You do not do anything quite rationally or naturally."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"Naturally. Why should we? We are the great Middle Classes--neither
+alive nor dead. Betwixt and between. Half and half, you know, for now we
+are in the Spirit World only known to poets and children. But do come
+along, or the bicycles will start without us, and we have an appointment
+to keep."
+
+Now, how could one even try to tell such an eccentric creature as the
+Zankiwank that he was all wrong and talking fables and fibs and
+tarra-diddles? Neither of them attempted to correct these erroneous
+ideas, but wondering where they were going next, Maude and Willie
+mounted the bicycles that came as if by magic, and rode off at a
+terrific rate, though they had never ridden a machine before.
+
+They were almost out of breath when the Zankiwank called out "stop," and
+away went the bicycles, and they found themselves standing in front of
+an immense edifice with a sign-board swinging from the gambrel roof, on
+which was painted in large golden letters--
+
+  TIME WAS MEANT FOR SLAVES.
+
+There was no opportunity to ascertain what the sign meant, for all at
+once there darted out of the shop Mr Swinglebinks with whom they had
+travelled from Charing Cross.
+
+"Don't waste your time like that! Make haste, let me have five minutes.
+I am in a hurry."
+
+"Have you got five minutes to spare?" asked the Zankiwank of Maude.
+
+"Oh yes," she replied. "Why?"
+
+"Let me have them at once then. A gentleman left twenty-five minutes
+behind him yesterday and I want to make up half-an-hour for a regular
+customer!" screamed Mr Swinglebinks to the bewildered children.
+
+"But--but--O what do you mean? I have got five minutes to spare and I'll
+devote them to you if you like, but I _can't_ give them to you as though
+they were a piece of toffee," answered Maude with much perplexity, while
+Willie stood awe-struck, not comprehending Mr Swinglebinks in the least.
+
+"Time is a tough customer, you know. He is here, he is there, he is
+gone! He is, he was, he will be. Yet you cannot trap Time, for he is
+like a sunbeam," muttered the Zankiwank as though he never was short of
+Time.
+
+"There, that five minutes is gone--wasted, passed into the vast vacuum
+of eternity! With my friend Shakespeare of Stratford-on-Avon I can tell
+you all about time! 'Time travels in divers paces with divers persons.
+I'll tell you who Time ambles withal, who Time trots withal, who Time
+gallops withal, and who he stands still withal!' Oh, I know Father Time
+and all his tricks. I have counted the Sands of Time. I supply him with
+his Hour Glass. Don't you apprehend me?"
+
+They certainly did not. Mr Swinglebinks was more mystifying than all the
+other persons they had encountered put together. So they made no reply.
+
+"I am collecting Time. Time, so my copy books told me, was meant for
+Slaves. I always felt sorry for the Slaves. They have no Time, you know,
+because it is meant for them. Lots of things are meant for you, only you
+won't get them. Britons never will be Slaves, so they'll never want for
+Time. However, as Time was meant for Slaves, I mean to let them have as
+much as I can. So every spare minute or two I can get, I of course send
+them over to them."
+
+"It is ridiculous. You cannot measure time and cut off a bit like that,"
+ventured Willie.
+
+"Oh yes, you can. A client of mine was laid up the other day--in fact he
+was in bed for a fortnight, so, as he had no use for the time he had on
+hand before him, he just went to sleep and sent ten days round to me!"
+
+"Oh, Mr Zankiwank, what is this gentleman saying?" said Maude.
+
+"It's all perfectly true," answered the Zankiwank. "You often hear of
+somebody who has half an hour to spare, don't you?"
+
+"Of course."
+
+"Very good. Sometimes you will hear, too, of somebody who has lost ten
+minutes."
+
+"I see," said Willie.
+
+"And somebody else will tell you they do not know what to do with their
+Time?"
+
+"Go on," cried both children, more puzzled than ever.
+
+"Well, instead of letting all the Time be wasted, Mr Swinglebinks has
+opened his exchange to receive all the spare time he can, and this he
+distributes amongst those who want an hour or a day or a week. But they
+have to pay for it----"
+
+"Pay for it?"
+
+"Time is money," called out Mr Swinglebinks.
+
+"There you are. If Time is money you can exchange Time for money and
+money for Time. Is not that feasible?"
+
+Did anybody ever hear of such queer notions? Maude and Willie were quite
+tired through trying to think the matter out.
+
+Time was meant for slaves.--Time is money.--Time and Tide
+wait for no man.--Take Time when Time is.--Take Time by the
+forelock.--Procrastination is the thief of Time.--Killing Time is no
+murder.--Saving Time is no crime. As quick as thought Mr Swinglebinks
+exhibited these statements on his swinging sign, one after the other,
+and then he came to them once again.
+
+"Are you convinced now? Let me have a quarter of an hour to send to the
+poor slaves. Time was meant for them, you know, and you are using their
+property without acknowledgment!"
+
+The Zankiwank looked on as wise as an owl, but said nothing.
+
+"Dear me, how you are wasting your time sitting there doing nothing!"
+said Mr Swinglebinks distractedly. "Time is money--Time is money. Give
+me some of the Time you are losing."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"Let us go, Willie," said Maude. "Do not waste any more Time. We have no
+Time to lose, let alone time to spare! Shall we kill Time?"
+
+She had barely finished speaking when Mr Swinglebinks and his Time
+Exchange disappeared, and they were alone with the Zankiwank. But not
+for long, for almost immediately a troop of school children came
+bounding home from school, but children with the oddest heads and faces
+ever seen. They were all carrying miniature bellows in their hands,
+which they were working up and down with great energy.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"Oh, Mr Zankiwank, what is the matter with those children in short
+frocks and knickerbockers? Look at their heads!"
+
+The Zankiwank gazed, but expressed no surprise, and yet the children, if
+they were children, certainly looked very queer, for the boys had got
+aged, care-worn faces with moustaches and whiskers, while the little
+girls, in frocks just reaching to their knees, had women's faces, with
+their hair done up in plaits and chignons and Grecian knot fashion, with
+elderly bonnets perched on the top.
+
+"That," said the Zankiwank, "is the force of habit."
+
+"What habit, please? It does not suit them," said Maude.
+
+"You are mistaken. Good habits become second nature."
+
+"And what do bad habits become?" queried Willie.
+
+"Bad habits," answered the Zankiwank severely, "become no one."
+
+"And these must be bad habits," exclaimed Willie, pointing to the
+children, "for they do not become them."
+
+"I thought their clothes fitted them very well."
+
+"We don't mean their clothes," cried Maude. "We mean their general
+appearance."
+
+"Ah! you are referring to the unnatural history aspect of the case. You
+mean their heads, of course. They do _not_ fit properly. I have noticed
+it myself. It comes of expecting too much, and overdoing it; it is all
+the result of what so many people are fond of doing--putting old heads
+on young shoulders."
+
+So the mystery was out. The old heads were unmistakably on young
+shoulders. And how very absurd the children looked! Not a bit like happy
+girls and boys, as they would have been had they possessed their own
+heads instead of over-grown and over-developed minds and brains. Old
+heads never do look well on young shoulders, and it is very foolish of
+people to think they do. It makes them children of a larger growth
+before their time, and is just as bad as having young heads on old
+shoulders. The moral of which is, that you should never be older than
+you are nor younger than you are not.
+
+"But what are they doing with those bellows?" enquired Willie and Maude
+together.
+
+"Raising the wind," promptly responded the Zankiwank, "or trying to.
+When folk grow old before their time you will generally find that it is
+owing to the bother they had in raising the wind to keep the pot
+boiling."
+
+"But you don't keep the pot boiling with wind," they protested.
+
+"Oh yes you do, in Topsy-Turvey Land, though personally I believe it to
+be most unright!"
+
+"Un--what?" exclaimed Maude.
+
+"Unright. When a thing is wrong it must be unright. Just the same as
+when a thing is right it is unwrong."
+
+While the Zankiwank was giving this very lucid explanation the "Old
+heads on young shoulders" children went sedately and mournfully away,
+just as a complete train of newspaper carts dashed up to a large
+establishment with these words printed outside--
+
+  ATNAGAGDLINTIT RALINGINGINARMIK
+  LUSARUMINASSUMIK.
+
+"Good gracious, what awful looking words! It surely must be Welsh?" The
+two children put the question to the Zankiwank.
+
+"No, that is not Welsh. That is the way the Esquimaux of Greenland
+speak. It is the name of their paper, and means something to read,
+interesting news of all sorts. But in this newspaper they never print
+any news of any sort. They supply the paper to the Topsy-Turveyites
+every morning quite blank, so that you can provide yourself with your
+own news. Being perfectly blank, the editors succeed in pleasing all
+their subscribers."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+"Well, I do not see any advantage in that."
+
+"There you go again!" cried the Zankiwank. "You always want something
+with an advantage. What's the use of an advantage, I should like to
+know? You can only lose it. You cannot give it away. Do try to be
+original. But listen, Nobody's coming."
+
+They both looked round wondering what the Zankiwank meant by his strange
+perversities, but could not see anyone.
+
+"We can see Nobody," they said.
+
+"Of course. Here he is!"
+
+Well! Was it a shadow? Something was there without a doubt, and
+certainly without a body. It was a sort of skeleton, or a ghost, or
+perhaps a Mahatma! But it was not a Mahatma--it was in fact Nobody, of
+whom you have of course heard.
+
+"At last, at last!" screamed the delighted Zankiwank, "with your eyes
+wide open and your faculties unimpaired you see NOBODY! And what a
+memory Nobody has!"
+
+"How can Nobody have a memory? Besides, we can see Nobody!" said Maude,
+more perplexed than she had ever been.
+
+"Exactly, Nobody has a charming memory. Memory, as you know, is the
+sense you forget with it!"
+
+"Memory," corrected Willie, "is the sense, if it is a sense, or
+impression you remember with."
+
+"Oh, what dreadful Grammar! Remember with! How can you finish a sentence
+with a preposition? What do you remember with it?" demanded the
+Zankiwank reprovingly.
+
+"Anything--everything you want to," replied Willie.
+
+"Another preposition! Ah, if we could only remember as easily as we
+forget!"
+
+"You are wandering from the subject," suggested Maude. "The subject is
+Nobody, and you have told us nothing about it."
+
+"H'm," said the Zankiwank. "You have confessed that you can see Nobody,
+therefore I will request him to sing you a topical song. Now keep your
+attention earnestly directed towards Nobody and listen."
+
+Knowing from past experience that the Zankiwank would have his own way,
+Maude and Willie, having no one else to think about, thought of Nobody,
+and to their amazement they heard these words sung as from a long way
+off, in a very hollow tone of voice:--
+
+
+NOBODY'S NOTHING TO NOBODY.
+
+  O Nobody's Nothing to Nobody,
+    And yet he is something too;
+  Though No-body's No-Body it yet is so odd he
+    Always finds nothing to do!
+
+  When Nobody does nothing wrong,
+    They say it is the cat;
+  Though Nobody be long and strong
+    And very likely fat.
+  His name is heard from morn till night,
+    He's known in ev'ry place;
+  He does the deeds that are unright,
+    Though no one sees his face.
+
+  Nobody broke the Dresden vase,
+    Nobody ate the cream;
+  Nobody smashed that pipe of pa's,--
+    It happened in a dream.
+  Nobody lost Sophia's doll,
+    Nobody fired Jim's gun;
+  Nobody nearly choked poor Poll--
+    Nobody saw it done!
+
+  Nobody cracks the china cups,
+    Nobody steals the spoons;
+  Nobody in the kitchen sups,
+    Or talks of honeymoons!
+  Nobody courts the parlour-maid,
+    She told us so herself!
+  That Nobody, I'm much afraid,
+    Is quite a tricky elf.
+
+  For Nobody is any one,
+    That must be very clear;
+  Yet Nobody's a constant dun,
+    Though no one saw him here.
+  As Nobody is ever seen
+    In Anybody's shape,
+  Nobody must be epicene
+    And very like an ape!
+
+  For Nobody's Nothing to Nobody,
+    And yet he is something too;
+  Though No-body's No-Body it yet is so odd he
+    Always finds nothing to do!
+
+Just as the song was finished, the Zankiwank cried out in alarm--
+
+"There's Somebody coming."
+
+And Nobody disappeared at once, for the children saw Nobody go!
+
+"And now," said the Zankiwank, "we may expect the Griffin from Temple
+Bar and the Phoenix from Arabia."
+
+A dark shadow enveloped the square in which they were standing; then
+there was a weird perfume of damp fireworks and saltpetre, and before
+any one could say Guy Fawkes, the Phoenix rose from his own funeral pyre
+of faded frankincense, mildewed myrrh, and similar luxuries, and flapped
+his wings vigorously, just as the Griffin jumped off his pedestal, which
+he had brought with him, and piped out--
+
+"Here we are again!"
+
+"Once in a thousand years," responded the Phoenix somewhat hoarsely, for
+he had nearly swallowed some of his own ashes.
+
+The Griffin, as everybody knows, is shaped like an eagle from its legs
+to the shoulder and the head, while the rest of his body is like that of
+a lion. The Phoenix is also very much like an intelligent eagle, with
+gold and crimson plumage and an exceptionally waggish tail. It has the
+advantage of fifty orifices in his bill, through which he occasionally
+sings melodious songs to oblige the company. As he never appears to
+anyone more than once in five hundred years, sometimes, when he has the
+toothache for instance, only once in a thousand years--which is why he
+is called a rara avis--if you ever meet him at any time take particular
+notice of him. And if you can draw, if it is only the long bow, make a
+sketch of him. He lives chiefly on poets--which is why so many refer to
+him. He has been a good friend to the poets of all ages, as your cousin
+William will explain. If you have not got a cousin William, ask some one
+who has.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Not having the gift of speech, neither of them spoke, but they could
+sing, and this is what they intended to say, duet-wise:--
+
+  I am a sacred bird, you know,
+    And I am a Griffin bold;
+  In Arabia the blest
+  We feather our own nest,
+    To keep us from the cold.
+
+  And we're so very fabulous--
+    Oh, that's the Griffin straight!
+  We rise up from the flames,
+  To play old classic games,
+    Like a Phoenix up-to-date!
+
+Then they spread out their wings and executed the most diverting feather
+dance ever seen out of a pantomime.
+
+  I am a watchful bird, you know,
+    And I am a Phoenix smart;
+  From Shakespeare unto Jones--
+  The Welsh one--who intones,
+    We have played a striking part.
+  For we're so very mystical,
+    Both off-springs of the brain;
+  The Mongoose is our _pere_,
+  And the Nightmare is our _mere_,
+    And we thrive on Fiction Plain!
+
+They repeated their dance and then knocked at the door of the nearest
+house and begged pantomimically for money, but as it was washing day
+they were refused. So they went into the cook shop and had some Irish
+Stew, which did not agree with them. Consequently they sprang into the
+hash that was simmering on the fire, and were seen no more. Whereupon
+the Zankiwank looked gooseberrily out of his eyes and murmured as if
+nothing out of the way or in the way had happened, or the Phoenix or the
+Griffin had existed--"The Bletherwitch will send me a telegram to say
+that she will be ready for the ceremony in half-an-hour."
+
+"But where is the Bletherwitch, and how do you know?" asked Maude,
+somewhat incredulously.
+
+"She is being arrayed for the marriage celebration. At present she is in
+Spain gathering Spanish onions."
+
+"But Spanish onions don't come from Spain!"
+
+"You are right. It is pickled walnuts she is gathering from the Boot
+Tree in the scullery. However, that is of no consequence. Let us be
+joyful as befits the occasion. Who has got any crackers?"
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Before any reply could be given a voice in the air screamed
+out:--"Beware of the Nargalnannacus!" At which the Zankiwank
+trembled and the whole place seemed to rock to and fro.
+
+"What _is_ the Nargalnannacus?"
+
+"It's a noun!"
+
+"How do you mean?"
+
+"A noun is the name of a person, place or thing, I believe?"
+
+"It was yesterday."
+
+"It is to-day. And that is what the Nargalnannacus is. He, She, or It is
+a person, place or thing, and it travels about, and that is all I know
+of it. Nobody has ever seen a Nargalnannacus, and nobody ever will, not
+a real, proper, authen----"
+
+"Authenticated," assisted Maude.
+
+"Thank you--authenticated one. Directly they do they turn yellow and
+green, and are seen no more."
+
+"What are we to do then?" anxiously enquired Willie.
+
+"The best that offers. We have been expecting an outbreak for a long
+time, and here comes the Court Physician, Dr Pampleton, to happily
+confirm my worst suspicions!"
+
+The children thought it extremely odd that having one's worst suspicions
+confirmed should make any person happy. But they were accustomed to the
+Zankiwank's curious modes of speech and lack of logic, so that they
+wisely held their tongues in silence. The newcomer was of very
+remarkable appearance. He was tall and slim like the Zankiwank, but
+instead of having the ordinary shaped head and face, he carried on his
+shoulders a sheep's head, and in his veins (so they heard afterwards)
+ran sheep's blood. At one period of his existence he had been well-known
+for his wool-gathering propensities, and he was now strongly recommended
+as being able to commit more mistakes and blunders in half-an-hour than
+a school boy could in a whole school term. He had one great virtue,
+however, and that was that he would always instantly apologise for any
+error he might make.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+He never travelled without his medicine chest, which he carried by
+straps over his shoulders, and was prepared to give anybody a dose of
+physic without the slightest provocation at double charges.
+
+"There is danger ahead," he whispered to the Zankiwank, "and a lot of
+visitors are coming to fight to the bitter end."
+
+"Tell me their names," cried the Zankiwank excitedly. Whereupon, Dr
+Pampleton recited them as follows, the Zankiwank groaning as each
+cognomen was uttered:--
+
+  "The Wollypog" (_groan_)
+  "The Fustilug" (_groan_)
+  "What's-His-Name" (_groan_)
+  "Thing'um-a-Bob" (_groan_)
+                  and
+  "The Woogabblewabble Bogglewoggle and all his Court."
+
+The last was too much for the Zankiwank, for he immediately climbed to
+the top of the tallest steeple in the town, saying with much
+discretion:--
+
+"I will see that all is fair. I will be the judge."
+
+Maude had only just got time to eat some of the Fern Seeds she had saved
+from what Robin Goodfellow had given her, and to give some to Willie,
+when a rushing as of many waters and a roaring as of the bursting of
+several gasometers were heard, and a noise of some two or three hundred
+tramping soldiers smote upon their ears, and they knew that something
+dreadful was going to happen. As the Bogglewoggle and the Wollypog and
+all the others came upon the scene, both the children recognised them,
+from what they had once read in a fairy book, as being the monsters of
+the Secret Cavern.
+
+It was not going to be a battle, as they could see--it was only to be a
+quiet fight between the important folk of the Secret Cavern and Topsy
+Turvey Land. The Jorumgander was there, and so was the Jackarandajam and
+Mr Swinglebinks and all the others they had been introduced to. The
+Bogglewoggle was particularly noisy in calling out for the Zankiwank,
+but as he was engaged to be married, of course he could not risk his
+life just for the mere whim of a dragon, who was setting everything
+alight with his torch-like tail.
+
+And then they all commenced to fight--cutting, slashing and crashing
+each other with double-edged swords, while the inhabitants applauded and
+the bands played the "Conquering Hero," although there was not any
+creature who conquered, that one could distinguish. It was a terrible
+sight. They never ceased for a minute, but went on cutting each other to
+pieces until at last they all lay dead upon the ground. No one was left
+alive to tell the awful news but the Zankiwank and Dr Pampleton. And
+what was most remarkable about the fight was that it was all done out of
+pure friendship--but friendship does not seem to be much good when all
+your friends are scattered about, as these were. Heads and arms and legs
+everywhere, and there certainly did not appear to be much hope of their
+ever being able to do any more damage.
+
+The Zankiwank crept cautiously down from his pinnacle and joined Dr
+Pampleton.
+
+"Our friends are very much cut up," said Dr Pampleton.
+
+"What is to be done?" the Zankiwank enquired.
+
+"Done? Why, with my special elixir I shall bring them all to life
+again," said the Court Physician promptly.
+
+"Will you? Can you?"
+
+"Of course. You get all the bodies and lay them in a line. I'll gather
+up the heads and stick 'em on with elastic glue. Then you find the arms
+and legs and we will soon have them ready for another bout."
+
+So the Zankiwank sent the rest of the populace, that had been looking
+on, indoors to get their tea, while he set to work and did as that
+absurd old Doctor instructed him.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+Willie and Maude could scarcely keep their eyes open, but they were so
+interested in the proceedings that they managed to see that the Court
+Physician with his usual foresight was sticking the heads on the wrong
+bodies, and the arms and legs he put on just as they were handed to him,
+left on the right, and right on the left, and no one individual got
+his own proper limbs fastened to him.
+
+It was the funniest thing they had ever seen--better than any pantomime,
+for sure enough they all came to life again, and naturally, seeing
+another person's arms and legs on their bodies, they imagined themselves
+to be somebody else entirely. And then ensued the most deafening
+confusion conceivable, each one accusing the other of having robbed him
+in his sleep, for they were under the impression that they had been to
+bed in a strange place--and so they had.
+
+It was the grandest transformation scene ever witnessed. The Zankiwank
+was in deep distress, but Dr Pampleton was in high glee and laughed
+immoderately.
+
+"Such a funny mistake to make!" he crowed hysterically to the hopping,
+hobbling, jumping crowd of monsters and dwarfs, who were glaring at each
+other in a very savage manner.
+
+"I beg your pardon--my fault--all lie down again, and I will cut you up
+once more and put you together correctly this time," said the Court
+Physician pleasantly.
+
+"So!" they all bellowed in chorus, "it is you who have done all this
+mischief. Come on! We will soon rectify your blunder," and with a swish
+and a swirl they made one simultaneous movement towards the unfortunate
+Pampleton, and once again Pandemonium was let loose, when high above the
+din the voice of the Zankiwank was heard calling upon them to have
+patience and not to disturb the harmony, as the Bletherwitch had arrived
+at last. Meanwhile everybody rushed madly down the street after the
+Court Physician.
+
+But the children could see nothing now. Everything was growing dim and
+dimmer, and the scene was fading, fading away into a blue light. And the
+last they heard was the Zankiwank speaking tenderly to the Bletherwitch,
+whom they were not destined to see after all, and saying:--
+
+"Oh, my sweet Blethery, Blethery Bletherwitch! What a Bletherwitching
+little thing you are!"
+
+Then there was a rumbling and a tumbling, and something stopped
+suddenly. A light was flashed before their eyes, and hey presto! there
+was John opening the carriage door for them to get out, and wonder of
+wonders, there were their dear mother and father standing in the hall of
+their own home waiting to receive them. And presently they were being
+kissed and caressed and petted because, as Mary their nurse said, they
+had slept in the carriage all the way home from the visit to their
+grandmama.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+This, however, they stoutly denied. They knew better than that, and told
+their parents of all their adventures, which, as they declared, if they
+were not true they ought to be, and so they said goodnight and dreamt
+their dreams, if they were dreams, all over again.
+
+
+THE END.
+
+
+TURNBULL & SPEARS, PRINTERS, EDINBURGH.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Zankiwank and The Bletherwitch, by
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