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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-14 20:07:14 -0700 |
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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-14 20:07:14 -0700 |
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diff --git a/37111-h/37111-h.htm b/37111-h/37111-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a20d1b1 --- /dev/null +++ b/37111-h/37111-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,4567 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Zankiwank and The Bletherwitch, by S.J. Adair Fitzgerald. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + + p { margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + text-indent: 1em; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; + } + hr { width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; + } + + table {margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;} + + body{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + + .pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: smaller; + text-align: right; + } /* page numbers */ + + .linenum {position: absolute; top: auto; left: 4%;} /* poetry number */ + .blockquot{margin-left: 5%; margin-right: 10%;} + .nblockquot{margin-left: 5%; margin-right: 5%; text-indent: -1em;} + .pblockquot{margin-left: 25%; margin-right: 25%;} + .noin { text-indent: 0em;} + + .bb {border-bottom: solid 2px;} + .bl {border-left: solid 2px;} + .bt {border-top: solid 2px;} + .br {border-right: solid 2px;} + .bbox {border: solid 2px;} + + .ralign {text-align: right; margin-right: 1em;} + .center {text-align: center; text-indent: 0em;} + .center1 {text-align: center; text-indent: 0em; font-variant: small-caps; font-size: 1.25em;} + .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + .u {text-decoration: underline;} + + .caption {font-weight: bold;} + + .figcenter {margin: auto; text-align: center;} + + .figleft1 {float: left; clear: left; margin-left: 0; margin-bottom: 0em; margin-top: + 0em; margin-right: 0em; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .figright1 {float: right; clear: right; margin-left: 0em; margin-bottom: 0em; + margin-top: 0em; margin-right: 0; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .figleft {float: left; clear: left; margin-left: 0; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: + 1em; margin-right: 1em; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .figright {float: right; clear: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; + margin-top: 1em; margin-right: 0; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .footnotes {border: dashed 1px;} + .footnote {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;} + .footnote .label {position: absolute; right: 84%; text-align: right;} + .fnanchor {vertical-align: super; font-size: .8em; text-decoration: none;} + + .poem {margin-left:10%; margin-right:10%; text-align: left;} + .poem br {display: none;} + .poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} + .poem .stanza1 {margin: 2em 0em 1em 10em; font-style: italic;} + .poem span.i0 {display: block; margin-left: 0em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem span.i1 {display: block; margin-left: 1em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem span.i2 {display: block; margin-left: 2em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem span.i3 {display: block; margin-left: 3em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem span.i4 {display: block; margin-left: 4em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem span.i5 {display: block; margin-left: 5em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem span.i10 {display: block; margin-left: 10em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem span.i12 {display: block; margin-left: 12em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem span.i16 {display: block; margin-left: 16em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem span.r0 {display: block; margin-left: 24em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em; font-variant: small-caps;} + .poem span.i6 {display: block; margin-left: 6em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem span.i8 {display: block; margin-left: 8em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Zankiwank and The Bletherwitch, by +S. J. Adair Fitzgerald + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Zankiwank and The Bletherwitch + An Original Fantastic Fairy Extravaganza + +Author: S. J. Adair Fitzgerald + +Illustrator: Arthur Rackham + +Release Date: August 17, 2011 [EBook #37111] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ZANKIWANK AND THE BLETHERWITCH *** + + + + +Produced by David Edwards and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive) + + + + + + +</pre> + + + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 577px;"> +<img src="images/z001.jpg" width="577" height="800" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<h2>The Zankiwank</h2> + +<h5>and</h5> + +<h2>The Bletherwitch</h2> + +<p> </p> +<h4>An Original Fantastic Fairy Extravaganza</h4> + + + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<div class="pblockquot"><p>"<i>Imagination is always the ruling and divine power, +and the rest of the man is only the instrument which it +sounds, or the tablet on which it writes.</i>"</p> + +<p class="ralign"><span class="smcap">John Ruskin.</span></p> +</div> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<a name="Frontispiece" id="Frontispiece"></a> +<img src="images/z005.jpg" width="600" height="716" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 571px;"> +<a name="TitlePage" id="TitlePage"></a> +<h2><span class="smcap">The</span> ZANKIWANK & +<span class="smcap">The</span> BLETHERWITCH</h2> +<h4>BY S.J. ADAIR FITZGERALD<br /> +WITH PICTURES BY ARTHUR RACKHAM</h4> +<h3>LONDON J.M. DENT & CO.<br /> +ALDINE HOUSE E.C. 1896</h3> +<img src="images/z006.jpg" width="571" height="800" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + + + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h5><i>All Rights Reserved</i></h5> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<h3>To<br /><br /> +MY BLANCHE<br /><br /> + +<small>I AFFECTIONATELY INSCRIBE<br /><br /> +THIS LITTLE BOOK</small></h3> + + + +<hr style="width: 100%;" /> +<h2>CONTENTS</h2> + +<div class='center'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary=""> +<tr><td align='center' colspan='2'><br /><a href="#Part_I"><b>PART I</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">A Trip to Fable Land</span></td><td align='right'>1</td></tr> +<tr><td align='center' colspan='2'><br /><a href="#Part_II"><b>PART II</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Fairies' Feather and Flower Land</span></td><td align='right'>33</td></tr> +<tr><td align='center' colspan='2'><br /><a href="#Part_III"><b>PART III</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">A Visit to Shadow Land</span></td><td align='right'>91</td></tr> +<tr><td align='center' colspan='2'><br /><a href="#Part_IV"><b>PART IV</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class="smcap">The Land of Topsy Turvey</span></td><td align='right'>119</td></tr> +</table></div> + + +<hr style="width: 100%;" /> +<h2>LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS</h2> + + +<div class='center'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary=""> +<tr><td align='left'> </td><td align='right'><small>PAGE</small></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>EVERYBODY MADE A RUSH FOR THE TRAIN</td><td align='right'><a href="#Frontispiece"><i>Frontispiece</i></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THE ZANKIWANK AND THE BLETHERWITCH</td><td align='right'><a href="#TitlePage"><i>Title Page</i></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THE JACKARANDAJAM</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page5">5</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>MR SWINGLEBINKS</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page7">7</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THEY WERE RUN INTO BY A DEMON ON A BICYCLE</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page17">17</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>BIRDS, BEASTS AND FISHES WERE HURRYING BY IN CONFUSING MASSES</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page19">19</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THE FROGS ... PLAYING "KISS IN THE RING"</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page24">24</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THEY WERE GLUED TO THE EARTH</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page27">27</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THE ELFIN ORCHESTRA</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page37">37</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>I HAVE DISPATCHED THE JACKARANDAJAM AND MR SWINGLEBINKS IN A FOUR-WHEELED CAB</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page41">41</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>A COMPANY OF FAIRIES ... LEAPT FROM THE PETALS OF THE FLOWERS</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page45">45</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THE SLY JACKDAWS AND THE RAVENS ... EVIDENTLY PLOTTING MISCHIEF</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page51">51</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>ONE OF THE PRETTIEST DANCES YOU EVER SAW</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page55">55</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>TITANIA ARRIVED ... WITH A FULL TRAIN OF FAIRIES AND ELVES</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page61">61</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>WILLIE PINCHED HIS EXCEEDINGLY THIN LEGS, MAKING HIM JUMP AS HIGH AS AN APRIL RAINBOW</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page64">64</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>PEASEBLOSSOM AND MUSTARD SEED</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page71">71</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>QUEEN TITANIA AND HER COURT OF FAIRIES WERE EATING PUDDINGS AND PIES</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page75">75</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THE TWO CHILDREN TUMBLED OFF NOTHING INTO A VACANT SPACE</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page79">79</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"KEEP THE POT A-BOILING," BAWLED THE ZANKIWANK</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page83">83</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>SO INTO SHADOWLAND THEY TUMBLED</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page87">87</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>A WHOLE SCHOOL OF CHILDREN FOLLOWING MADLY IN THEIR WAKE</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page95">95</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THE GOBLINS STARTED OFF ON HORSEBACK</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page101">101</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"THE UNFORTUNATE DOLL"</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page103">103</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THE WINNY WEG WAS DANCING IN A CORNER ALL BY HERSELF</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page106">106</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>MAUDE AND WILLIE WERE RECLINING PEACEFULLY ON A GOLDEN COUCH WITH SILVER CUSHIONS</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page107">107</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>A GAME OF LEAP-FROG</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page108">108</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>A GREAT RED CAVERN OPENED AND SWALLOWED UP EVERYTHING</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page117">117</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"NOW THEN, MOVE ON!"</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page123">123</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THE WIMBLE AND THE WAMBLE</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page126">126</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>JORUMGANDER THE YOUNGER ... APPROACHED THEM WITH A CASE OF PENS</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page133">133</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"WHY, HERE HE IS!"</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page138">138</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THE ZANKIWANK ARGUING WITH THE CLERK OF THE WEATHER AND THE WEATHER COCK</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page145">145</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>TIME WAS MEANT FOR SLAVES</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page151">151</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>CHILDREN WITH THE ODDEST HEADS AND FACES EVER SEEN</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page158">158, 159</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>IT WAS A SORT OF SKELETON</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page163">163</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THE GRIFFIN AND THE PHŒNIX</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page170">170</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THEY SPRANG INTO THE HASH</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page173">173</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>DR PAMPLETON</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page177">177</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>NO ONE INDIVIDUAL GOT HIS OWN PROPER LIMBS FASTENED TO HIM</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page183">183</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THERE WAS JOHN OPENING THE CARRIAGE DOOR FOR THEM TO GET OUT</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page187">187</a></td></tr> +</table></div> + + + +<hr style="width: 100%;" /> +<h3><a name="Part_I" id="Part_I"></a>Part I</h3> + +<h2>A Trip to Fable Land</h2> + + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza1"> +<span class="i0">By the Queen-Moon's mystic light,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">By the hush of holy night,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">By the woodland deep and green,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">By the starlight's silver sheen,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">By the zephyr's whispered spell,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Brooding Powers Invisible,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Faerie Court and Elfin Throng,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Unto whom the groves belong,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And by Laws of ancient date,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Found in Scrolls of Faerie Fate,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Stream and fount are dedicate.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Whereso'er your feet to-day<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Far from haunts of men may stray,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We adjure you stay no more<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Exiles on an alien shore,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But with spells of magic birth<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Once again make glad the earth.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="r0">Philip Dayre.</span> +</div></div> + + + + +<hr style="width: 15%;" /> +<h2>A Trip to Fable Land</h2> + + +<p>"Well," said the Zankiwank as he swallowed +another jam tart, "I think we had +better start on our travels at once."</p> + +<p>They were all standing under the clock at +Charing Cross Station when the station was +closed and everybody else had departed, except +the train which the Zankiwank had himself chartered. +It was all so odd and strange, and the +gathering was so very motley, that if it had been +to-morrow morning instead of last night, Willie +and Maude would certainly have said they had +both been dreaming. But, of course, they were +not dreaming because they were wide-awake +and dressed. Besides, they remembered Charing +Cross Station quite well, having started therefrom +with their father and mother only last +summer when they went to the sea-side for +their holidays—and what jolly times they had +on the sands! So Maude said promptly, "It +is not Night-mare or Dreams or Anything. +We don't know what it is, but we must not +go to sleep, Willie, in case anything should +happen."</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 160px;"> +<a name="Page5" id="Page5"></a> +<img src="images/z018.jpg" width="160" height="640" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Willie replied that he did not want to go to +sleep any more. "I believe it's a show," he added, +"and somebody's run away with us. How lovely! +I'm glad we are lost. Let us go and ask that +tall gentleman, who looks like the parlour-tongs +in a bathing-suit, to give us some more +buns." For, being a boy, he could always eat +buns, or an abundance of them, only I hope +you won't tell the nursery governess I told +you.</p> + +<p>It was the Zankiwank, who was doing some +conjuring tricks for the benefit of the Jackarandajam +and Mr Swinglebinks, to whom Willie +referred. The Zankiwank was certainly a very +curious person to look at. He had very long +legs, very long arms, and a very small body, a +long neck and a head like a peacock. +He was not wearing a +bathing suit as Willie imagined, +because there were tails to his +jacket, hanging down almost to +his heels. He wore a sash round +his waist, and his clothes were all +speckled as though he had been +peppered with the colours out of +a very large kaleidoscope. The +Jackarandajam was also rather tall +and thin, but dressed in the very +height of fashion, with a flower in +his coat and a cigarette in his +mouth, which he never smoked +because he never lit it. He was +believed by all the others—you +shall know who all the others +were presently—to know more +things than the Man-in-the-Moon, +because he nearly always said +something that nobody else ever +thought of. And the Man-in-the-Moon knows +more things than the Old Woman of Mars. You +have naturally heard all about Mars—at least, if +you have not heard all about her, you all have +heard about her, which is just the same thing, +only reversed.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">There was an Old Woman of Mars<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Who'd constantly say "Bless my stars,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">There's the Sun and the Moon<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And the Earth in a swoon,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">All dying for par-tic-u-lars-u-lars!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Of this planet of mine called Mars!"<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p class="noin">Mr Swinglebinks, unlike his two companions, +was short, stout, and dreadfully important. In +Fable Land, where we are going as soon as we +start for that happy place, he kept a grocer's +shop once upon a time. As nobody cared a fig +for his sugar and currants, however, he retired +from business and took to dates and the making +of new almanacks, and was now travelling about +for the benefit of his figures. He was very strong +on arithmetic, and could read, write, and arith-metise +before he went to school, so he never went +at all.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;"> +<a name="Page7" id="Page7"></a> +<img src="images/z020.jpg" width="640" height="480" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>While the Zankiwank was talking to his friends +an unseen porter rang an unseen bell, and called +out in an unknown tongue:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Take your seats for Fableland,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Which stands upon a Tableland,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And don't distress the guard.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And when you pass the Cableland<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Say nothing to the Gableland<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Because it hurts the guard."<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>"We must put that porter back in the bottle," +said the Jackarandajam, "we shall want some +bottled porter to drink on the road."</p> + +<p>"Well," said Maude, "what a ridiculous thing +to say. We don't bottle railway porters, I am +sure."</p> + +<p>"I wish the Bletherwitch would come," exclaimed +the Zankiwank, "we shall miss the next +train. She is most provoking. She promised to +be here three weeks ago, and we have been +waiting ever since."</p> + +<p>This astounding statement quite disturbed +Willie, who almost swallowed a bun in his excitement. +Had he and Maude been waiting there +three weeks as well? What would they think at +home? You see Maude and Willie, who were +brother and sister, had been on a visit to their +grandmama; and on their way home they had +fallen asleep in the carriage, after having repeated +to each other all the wonderful fairy tales their +grandmama had related to them. How long +they had slept they could not guess, but when +they woke up, instead of finding themselves at +home in St George's Square, they discovered that +they were at Charing Cross Station. Mary, their +nurse, had disappeared, so had John the coachman, +and it was the Zankiwank who had opened the +door and assisted them to alight, saying at the +same time most politely—</p> + +<p>"I assist you to alight, because it is so dark."</p> + +<p>Then he gave them buns and chocolates, icecreams, +apples, pears, shrimps and cranberry +tarts. So it stands to reason that after such a +mixture they were rather perplexed. However, +they did not seem very much distressed, and as +they were both fond of adventures, especially in +books, they were quite content to accept the +Zankiwank's offer to take them for a ride in +the midnight-express to Fable Land, over which, +as everybody knows, King Æsop reigns. Maudie +was nine and a half and Willie was eight and +a quarter. Very nice ages indeed, unless you +happen to be younger or older, and then your +own age is nicer still.</p> + +<p>"I think," said the Zankiwank, "that we will +start without the Bletherwitch. She knows the +way and can take a balloon."</p> + +<p>"If she takes a balloon she will lose it. You +had better let the balloon take her," exclaimed +the Jackarandajam severely.</p> + +<p>"Take your places! Take your places!" cried +the unseen porter. So everybody made a rush +for the train, and they all entered a Pullman +Car and sat down on the seats.</p> + +<p>"Dear me! How very incorrectly that porter +speaks. He means, of course, that the seats +should take, or receive us."</p> + +<p>The Zankiwank only smiled, while Mr Swinglebinks +commenced counting up to a hundred, but +as he lost one, he could only count up to ninety-nine—so, +to keep his arithmetic going, he subtracted +a time-piece from his neighbour's pocket, +multiplied his foot-warmers, and divided his attention +between the Wimble and the Wamble, who +were both of the party, being left-handed and deaf.</p> + +<p>Maudie and Willie took their places in the +car with all the other passengers amid a perfect +babel of chattering and laughing and crying, and +then, as the train began to slowly move out of +the station, the Zankiwank solemnly sang the +following serious song:—</p> + +<h3><span class="smcap">Off to Fable Land.</span></h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">The midnight train departs at three,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">To Fable Land we go,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For this express is nothing less<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Than a steamer, don't you know!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We're sailing now upon the Thames,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">All in a penny boat,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And we soon shall change for a mountain range,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">In the atmosphere to float!<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">So off we go to Fable Land—<br /></span> +<span class="i3">(Speak kindly to the guard!)<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Which many think a Babel-land,<br /></span> +<span class="i3">But this you disregard.<br /></span> +<span class="i2">You'll find it is a Stable-land,<br /></span> +<span class="i3">With stables in the yard—<br /></span> +<span class="i2">A possible, probable, Able-land,<br /></span> +<span class="i3">So do not vex the guard!<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">We've left behind us Charing Cross,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And all the town in bed;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For it is plain, though in this train,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">We're standing on our head!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We're riding now in Bedfordshire,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Which is the Land of Nod;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And yet in the sky we are flying high,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Which seems extremely odd!<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">So off we go to Fable Land—<br /></span> +<span class="i3">(Speak kindly to the guard!)<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Which many think a Babel-land,<br /></span> +<span class="i3">But this you disregard.<br /></span> +<span class="i2">You'll find it is a Stable-land,<br /></span> +<span class="i3">With stables in the yard—<br /></span> +<span class="i2">A possible, probable, Able-land,<br /></span> +<span class="i3">So do not vex the guard!<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>Maudie and Willie found themselves joining +lustily in the chorus when the Zankiwank pulled +the cord communicating with the guard, and, +opening the window, climbed out on to the top +of the carriage calling all the time:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Guard! Guard! Guard!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Don't go so hard,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Just give the brake a hitch!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To Charing Cross return—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nay, do not look so stern—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For I would not tell a cram,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I must send a telegram,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">To my darling little Bletherwitch."<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>So the guard turned the train round, and they +went back to Charing Cross as quick as lightning.</p> + +<p>"It's my fault," moaned the Jackarandajam, +"I ought to have reminded you. Never mind, +we will put on another engine."</p> + +<p>So the Zankiwank got out and sent a telegram +to the Bletherwitch, and desired her to follow on +in a balloon.</p> + +<p>Again they started, and everybody settled +down until the train reached the British Channel, +when it dived through a tunnel into an uninhabited +country, where the post-office clerk +popped his head into the carriage window and +handed in a telegram.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"<i>From the Bletherwitch,</i><br /></span> +<span class="i4"><i>To the Zankiwank.</i><br /></span> +</div> +<p>Don't wait tea. Gone to the Dentists."</p> +</div></div> + +<p>"Extremely thoughtful," exclaimed everybody. +But the Zankiwank wept, and explained to +the sympathetic Maude that he was engaged to +be married to the Bletherwitch, and he had +been waiting for her for fourteen years. "Such +a charming creature. I will introduce you when +she comes. Fancy, she is only two feet one +inch and one third high. Such a suitable height +for a bride."</p> + +<p>"What," expostulated Willie and Maude together, +"she's no bigger than our baby! And +you are quite——"</p> + +<p>"Eight feet and one half of an inch."</p> + +<p>"How disproportionate! It seems to me to +be a most unequal match," answered Maude. +"What does her mother say?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, she hasn't got any mother, you know. +That would not do. She has been asleep for +two thousand years, and has only just woke up +to the fact that I am her destiny."</p> + +<p>"She is only joking," declared Maude. "Two +thousand years! She <i>must</i> be joking!"</p> + +<p>"No," replied the Zankiwank somewhat sadly, +"she is not joking. She never jokes. She is +of Scottish descent," he added reflectively. "I +hope she will keep her appointment. I am +afraid she is rather giddy!——"</p> + +<p>"Giddy! Well, if she has waited two +thousand years before making up her mind to +go to the dentists she must be giddy. I am +afraid you are not speaking the truth."</p> + +<p>Before any reply could be given the Guard +came to the window and said they would have +to go back to Charing Cross again as he forgot to +pay his rent, and he always paid his rent on Monday.</p> + +<p>"But this is <i>not</i> Monday," said Willie. "Yesterday +was Monday. To-day is to-morrow you know, +therefore it is Tuesday. Pay your landlady double +next Monday and that will do just as well."</p> + +<p>The Guard hesitated.</p> + +<p>"Don't vex the Guard," they all said in +chorus.</p> + +<p>"I am not vexed," said the Guard, touching +his hat. "Do you think it would be right to +pay double? You see my landlady is single. +She might not like it."</p> + +<p>"Write 'I. O. U.' on a post-card and send +it to her. It will do just as well, if not better," +suggested Mr Swinglebinks.</p> + +<p>So the Guard sent the post-card; but in +his agitation he told the engineer driver to go +straight ahead instead of round the corner. The +consequence was that they were run into by a +Demon on a bicycle, and thrown out of the +train down a coal mine. Luckily there were +no coals in the mine so it did not matter, and +they went boldly forward—that is to say, Willie +and Maude did, and knocked at the front door +of a handsome house that suddenly appeared +before them.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<a name="Page17" id="Page17"></a> +<img src="images/z030.jpg" width="600" height="600" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Nobody opened the door, so they walked in. +They looked behind them, but could not see +the Zankiwank or any of the passengers in the +train; therefore, not knowing what else to do, +they went upstairs. They appeared to be walking +up stairs for hours +without coming to a landing +or meeting with anyone, and +the interminable steps began to +grow monotonous. Presently they heard a scuffling +and a stamping and a roaring behind them +and something or somebody began to push them +most rudely until at last the wall gave way, the +stairs gave way, they gave way, and tumbled right +on to the tips of their noses.</p> + +<p>"Out of the way! Out of the way!" screamed +a chorus of curious voices, and Maude and Willie +found themselves taken by the hand by a weird-looking +dwarf with a swivel eye and an elevated +proboscis, and led out of danger.</p> + +<p>The children could not help gazing upon +their preserver, who was so grotesquely formed, +with a humped back, twisted legs, very long +arms, and such a funny little body without +any neck. But his eyes atoned for everything—they +sparkled and glinted in their sockets +like bright brown diamonds—only there are no +brown diamonds, you know, only white and +pink ones.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<a name="Page19" id="Page19"></a> +<img src="images/z032.jpg" width="600" height="684" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The Dwarf did not appear to mind the wondering +looks of the children at all, but patted +them on the cheeks and told them not to be +frightened. But whether he meant frightened +of himself, or of the Birds, Beasts, and Fishes +that were hurrying by in such confusing masses, +they could not tell. One thing, however, that +astonished them very much +was the deference with which they +greeted their quaint rescuer, as they passed by. +For every creature from the Lion to the Mouse +bowed most politely as they approached him, and +then went on their way gaily frisking, for this +was their weekly half-holiday.</p> + +<p>"How do you like my Menagerie," enquired +the Dwarf. "Rough and ready, perhaps, but as +docile as a flat-iron if you treat them properly."</p> + +<p>"It is just like the Zoo," declared Willie. "Or +the animals in Æsop's Fables," suggested Maude.</p> + +<p>This delighted the Dwarf very much, for though +he looked so serious, he was full of good humour +and skipped about with much agility.</p> + +<p>"Good! Good!" he cried. "Æsop and the +Zoo! Ha! Ha! He! He! Anybody can be +a Zoo but only one can be Æsop, and I am +he!"</p> + +<p>"Æsop! Are you really Mr Æsop, the Phrygian +Philosopher?" cried Maude.</p> + +<p>"<i>King</i> Æsop, I should say," corrected Willie. +"I am glad we have met you, because now, +perhaps, you will kindly tell us what a Fable +really is."</p> + +<p>"A Fable," said the merry Æsop, with a twinkle +in his witty eyes, "is a fictitious story about +nothing that ever happened, related by nobody +that ever lived. And the moral is, that every one +is quite innocent, only they must not do it +again!"</p> + +<p>"Ah! that is only your fun," said Willie sagely, +"because of the moral. Why do they give you +so many morals?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know," answered Æsop gravely. "But +the Commentators and Editors do give a lot of +applications and morals to the tales of my +animals, don't they?"</p> + +<p>"I like a tale with a moral," averred Maude, +"it finishes everything up so satisfactorily, I think. +Now, Mr Æsop, as you know so much, please +tell us what a proverb is?"</p> + +<p>"Ah!" replied Mr Æsop, "I don't make proverbs. +There are too many already, but a proverb +usually seems to me to be something you +always theoretically remember to practically forget."</p> + +<p>Neither of the children quite understood this, +though Maude thought it was what her papa +would call satire, and satire was such a strange +word that she could never fully comprehend the +meaning.</p> + +<p>Willie was silent too, like his sister, and seeing +them deep in thought, King Æsop waved a little +wand he had in his hand, and all the Birds and +Beasts and Fishes joined hands and paws, and +fins and wings, and danced in a circle singing to +the music of a quantity of piping birds in the +trees:—</p> + + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">If you want to be merry and wise,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">You must all be as bright as you can,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">You never must quarrel,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Or spoil a right moral,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But live on a regular plan.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">You must read, write and arith-metise,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Or you'll never grow up to be good;<br /></span> +<span class="i2">And you mustn't say "Won't,"<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Or "I shan't" and "I don't,"<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Or disturb the Indicative Mood.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">So round about the Knowledge Tree,<br /></span> +<span class="i3">Each boy and girl must go,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To learn in school the golden rule,<br /></span> +<span class="i3">And Duty's line to toe!<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">If you want to be clever and smart,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">You must also be ready for play,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">And don't be too subtle<br /></span> +<span class="i2">When batting your shuttle,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But sport in a frolicsome way.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">With bat and with ball take your part,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Or with little doll perched on your knee,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">You sing all the time,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To a nursery rhyme,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Before you go in to your tea!<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">So round about the Sunset Tree<br /></span> +<span class="i3">Each boy and girl should go<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To play a game of—What's its name?<br /></span> +<span class="i3">That is each game—you know!<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>After merrily joining in this very original +song, with dancing accompaniment, Maude and +Willie thanked King Æsop for permitting his +animals to entertain them.</p> + +<p>"Always glad to please good little boys and +girls, you know," he replied pleasantly, "even in +their play they furnish us with a new fable and +a moral."</p> + +<p>"And that is?"</p> + +<p>"All play and no work makes the world stand +still."</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;"> +<a name="Page24" id="Page24"></a> +<img src="images/z037.jpg" width="640" height="280" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Before they could ask for an explanation, their +attention was once more drawn to the animals, +who had commenced playing all kinds of games +just the same as they themselves played in the +play-ground at school. The Toads were playing +Leap-frog; the Elephants and the Bears, Fly the +Garter; the Dromedaries, Hi! Spie! Hi! while +the snakes were trundling their hoops. The Lions +and the Lambs were playing at cricket with the +Donkeys as fielders and the Wombat as umpire.</p> + +<p>The Frogs were in a corner by themselves +playing "Kiss in the Ring," and crying out:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"It isn't you! It isn't you!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We none of us know what to do,"<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p class="noin">in a very serio-comic manner. Then the Storks +and the Cranes and the Geese and the Ganders +were standing in a circle singing:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Sally, Sally Waters,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Sitting in the Moon,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">With the camel's daughters,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">All through the afternoon!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Oh Sally! Bo Sally!<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Where's your dusting pan;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">My Sally! Fie Sally!<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Here is your young man!<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p class="noin">In another part the Crabs, the Sheep, and the +Fox, were vowing that London Bridge was Broken +Down, because they had not half-a-crown, which +seemed a curious reason. Then all the rest of the +wild creatures, Birds, Beasts, and Fishes, commenced +an extraordinary dance, singing, croaking, +flapping their fins and spreading their wings, to +these words:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">We are a crowd of jolly boys,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">All romping on the lea;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We always make this merry noise,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">When we return from sea.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">So we go round and round and round,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Because we've come ashore;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For Topsy Turvey we are bound,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">So round again once more.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Go in and out of the coppice,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Go in and out at the door;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And do not wake the poppies,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Who want to have a snore.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>It was too ridiculous; they could recognise +every animal they had read about in Æsop, and +they were all behaving in a manner they little +dreamed could be possible, out of a Night-mare. +But it certainly was not a Night-mare, though +they could distinguish several horses and ponies.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<a name="Page27" id="Page27"></a> +<img src="images/z040.jpg" width="600" height="720" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>They never seemed to stop in their games, and +even the Ants and the Gnats were playing—and +above all a game of football,—though as some +played according to Association and some to +Rugby rules, of course it was rather perplexing +to the on-lookers. When they grew tired of +watching the Animal World enjoying their +holiday, they turned to consult King Æsop, +but to their astonishment, he was not near +them—he had vanished! And when they +turned round the other way the Animals had +vanished too, and they were quite alone. Indeed +everything seemed to disappear, even the +light that had been their guide so long, and +they began to tremble with fear and apprehension.</p> + +<p>Not a sound was to be heard, and darkness +gradually fell around them. They held each other +by the hand, and determined to go forward, but to +their dismay they could not move! They were +glued to the earth. They tried to speak, but +their tongues stuck to the roofs of their mouths, +and they were in great distress. "Where, Oh +where was the Zankiwank?" they wondered in +their thoughts. And a buzzing in their ears took +up the refrain:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">The Zankiwank, the Zankiwank,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Oh where, Oh where is the Zankiwank?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He brought us here, and much we fear<br /></span> +<span class="i1">His conduct's far from Franky-wank!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The Zankiwank, the Zankiwank,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">He has gone to seek the Bletherwitch,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Oh the Zankiwank, 'tis a panky prank<br /></span> +<span class="i1">To leave us here to die in a ditch.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>"A telegram, did you say? For me, of course, +what an age you have been. How is my blushing +bride? Let me see—</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><div class="poem"> + +<div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">'<i>From the Bletherwitch, Nonsuch Street,</i><br /></span> +<span class="i8"><i>To the Zankiwank, Nodland.</i><br /></span> +</div> + +<p>Forgot my new shoes, and the housemaid's +killed the parrot. Put the kettle on.'"</p> +</div></div> + +<p>Then the children heard some sobbing sound +soughing through the silence and they knew that +they were saved. Also that the Zankiwank was +weeping. So with a strong effort Maude managed +to call out consolingly, "Zankiwanky, dear! don't +cry, come and let me comfort you."</p> + +<p>But the Zankiwank refused to be comforted. +However, he came forward muttering an incantation +of some sort, and Maude and Willie finding +themselves free, rushed forward and greeted him.</p> + +<p>"Hush, my dears, the Nargalnannacus is afloat +on the wild, wild main. We must be careful +and depart, or he will turn us into something +unpleasant—the last century or may be the next, +as it is close at hand, and inexpensive. Follow +me to the ship that is waiting in the Bay Window, +and we will go and get some Floranges."</p> + +<p>Carefully Maudie and Willie followed the +Zankiwank, each holding on by the tails of +his coat, glad enough to go anywhere out of the +Blackness of the Dark.</p> + +<p>Soon they found themselves in Window Bay, +and climbing up the sides of a mighty ship with +five funnels and a red-haired captain.</p> + +<p>"Quick," called the Captain, "the Nargalnannacus +is on the lee scuppers just off the jibboom +brace. Make all sail for the Straights of Ballambangjan, +and mind the garden gate."</p> + +<p>Then the Zankiwank became the man at the +wheel, and the vessel scudded before the wind as +the two children went off into a trance.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 160px;"> +<img src="images/z045.jpg" width="160" height="109" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + + + + +<hr style="width: 100%;" /> +<h3><a name="Part_II" id="Part_II"></a>Part II</h3> + +<h2>The Fairies' Feather and<br /> +Flower Land</h2> + + + + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza1"> +<span class="i12"> Faëry elves,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Whose midnight revels, by a forest side<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Or fountain, some belated peasant sees,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Or dreams he sees, while overhead the moon<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Sits arbitress.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="r0">Milton.</span> +</div></div> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza1"> +<span class="i0">O then I see Queen Mab hath been with you:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">She is the fairies' midwife; and she comes<br /></span> +<span class="i0">In shape no bigger than an agate-stone<br /></span> +<span class="i0">On the fore-finger of an alderman,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Drawn with a train of little atomies,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Athwart men's noses as they lie asleep.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="r0">Shakespeare.</span> +</div></div> + + +<hr style="width: 15%;" /> +<h2>The Fairies' Feather and<br /> +Flower Land</h2> + + +<p>How long Maude and Willie had been +rocking in the cradle of the deep +they could not tell, nor how long it took them +to steam through the Straits of Ballambangjan, +for everything was exceptionally bleak and +blank to them. By the way, if you cannot find +the Straits of Ballambangjan in your Geography +or on the Map, you should consult the first sailor +you meet, and he will give you as much information +on the subject as any boy or girl need +require.</p> + +<p>Both children experienced that curious sensation +of feeling asleep while they were wide awake, +and feeling wide awake when they imagined +themselves to be asleep, just as one does feel +sometimes in the early morning, when the sun +is beginning to peep through the blinds, and +the starlings are chattering, and the sparrows +are tweeting under the eaves, outside the +window.</p> + +<p>They were no longer on the vessel that had +borne them away from Fableland, and the +approach of the Nargalnannacus, a fearsome +creature whom nobody has yet seen, although +most of us may not have heard about him.</p> + +<p>The obliging Zankiwank was with them, and +when they looked round they found themselves +in a square field festooned with the misty curtains +of the Elfin Dawn.</p> + +<p>"Of course," said the Zankiwank, "this is Midsummer +Day, and very soon it will be Midsummer +Night, and you will see some wonders that will +outwonder all the wonders that wonderful people +have ever wondered both before and afterwards. +Listen to the Flower-Fairies—not the garden +flowers, but the wild-flowers; they will sing you +a song, while I beat time—not that there is any +real need to beat Time, because he is a most +respectable person, though he always contrives to +beat us."</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<a name="Page37" id="Page37"></a> +<img src="images/z050.jpg" width="600" height="750" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Both children would have liked to argue out +this speech of the Zankiwank because it puzzled +them, and they felt it would not parse properly. +However, as just at that moment the Elfin +Orchestra appeared, they sat on the grass and +listened:—</p> + + +<h3><span class="smcap">The Elfin Dawn.</span></h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">This is the Elfin Dawn,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">When ev'ry Fay and Faun,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Trips o'er the earth with joy and mirth,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And Pleasure takes the maun.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Night's noon stars coyly peep,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">O'er dale and dene and deep,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And Fairies fair float through the air,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Love's festival to keep.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">We dance and sing in the Welkin Ring,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">While Heather Bells go Ding-dong-ding!<br /></span> +<span class="i3">To greet the Elfin Dawn.<br /></span> +<span class="i2">The Flower-fairies spread each wing,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">And trip about with mincing ging,<br /></span> +<span class="i3">Upon the magic lawn.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">And so we frisk and play,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Like mortals, in the day;<br /></span> +<span class="i1">From acorn cup we all wake up<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Titania to obey.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We never, never die,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And this the reason why,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Of Fancy's art we are the part<br /></span> +<span class="i0">That lives eternalie.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">We dance and sing in the Welkin Ring,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">While Heather Bells go Ding-dong-ding!<br /></span> +<span class="i3">To greet the Elfin Dawn.<br /></span> +<span class="i2">The Flower-fairies spread each wing,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">And trip about with mincing ging,<br /></span> +<span class="i3">Upon the magic lawn.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>"They keep very good time, don't they?" said +the Zankiwank to the children, who were completely +entranced with pleasure and surprise.</p> + +<p>"Lovely, lovely," was all they could say.</p> + +<p>Every wild flower they could think of, and +every bird of the air, was to be seen in this +beautiful place with the +purling stream running +down the centre, crossed by innumerable +rustic bridges, while +far away they could see a fountain +ever sending upward its cooling +sprays of crystal water.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 657px;"> +<a name="Page41" id="Page41"></a> +<img src="images/z054.jpg" width="657" height="600" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>"I think I shall spend my honeymoon +here," said the Zankiwank. +"I have already bought a honeycomb +for my bride. I am so impatient to have +her by my side that I have dispatched the +Jackarandajam and Mr Swinglebinks in a four-wheeled +cab to fetch her. When the Bletherwitch +arrives I will introduce you, and you shall both be +bridesmaids!"</p> + +<p>"But I can't be a bridesmaid, you know," corrected +Willie.</p> + +<p>"Oh yes, you can. You can be anything here +you like. You only have to eat some Fern seeds +and you become invisible, and nobody would +know you. It is so simple, and saves a lot of +argument. And you should never argue about +anything unless you know nothing about it, then +you are sure to win."</p> + +<p>"But," interrupted Maude, "how can you know +nothing about anything?"</p> + +<p>"'Tis the easiest thing out of the world," said +the Zankiwank. "What is nothing?"</p> + +<p>"Nothing."</p> + +<p>"Precisely. Nothing is nothing; but what is +better than nothing?"</p> + +<p>"Something."</p> + +<p>"Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Where is your +logic? Nothing is better than something! I'll +prove it:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Nothing is sweeter than honey,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nothing's more bitter than gall,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nothing that's comic is funny,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nothing is shorter than tall."<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>"That is nonsense and nothing to do with +the case," exclaimed Maude.</p> + +<p>"Nonsense? Nonsense? Did you say nonsense?"</p> + +<p>"Of course she did," said Willie, "and so do I."</p> + +<p>"Nonsense! To me? Do you forget what my +name is?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, no, nothing easier than to remember it. +You are the Great Zankiwank."</p> + +<p>"Thank you, I am satisfied. I thought you +had forgotten. I am not cross with you."</p> + +<p>Maude and Willie vowed they would not cross +him for anything, let alone nothing, and so the +Zankiwank was appeased and offered to give +them the correct answer to his own unanswerable +conundrum. Do you know what a conundrum +is though? I will tell you while the +Zankiwank is curling his whiskers:—</p> + +<p>A conundrum is an impossible question with +an improbable answer. Think it over the next +time you read "Robinson Crusoe."</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Nothing is better than a good little girl;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But a jam tart is better than nothing,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Therefore a jam tart is better than the best little girl alive."<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>"What do you think of that?" said the +Zankiwank.</p> + +<p>"I have heard something like it before. But +that is nothing. Anyhow I would much rather +be a little girl than a jam tart—because a jam tart +must be sour because it's tart, and a little girl +is always sweet," promptly replied Willie, kissing +his sister Maude on the nose—but that was an +accident, because she moved at the wrong moment.</p> + +<p>"You distress me," said the Zankiwank. "Suppose +I were to try to shoot Folly as it flies, and hit a +Fool's Cap and Bells instead, what would you say?"</p> + +<p>"I should say that you had shot at nothing +and missed it."</p> + +<p>At this Maude and +Willie laughed girlsterously +and boysterously, +and the Zankiwank +wept three silent +tears in the teeth +of the wind and +declared +that nothing +took his +fancy so +much as having nothing to +take. So they took him +by the arm and begged him, +as he was so clever and had +mentioned the name, to take +them to Fancy's dwelling-place.</p> + +<p>"I think Fancy must dwell amongst the wild +flowers—the sweet beautiful wild flowers that +grow in such charming variety of disorder." +Saying this, Maude took Willie's hand and +urged the Zankiwank forward.</p> + +<p>Before the Zankiwank could reply, a company +of fairies, all dressed in pink and green, leapt +from the petals of the flowers and danced forward, +singing to the buzz of the bees and the breaking +note of the yellow-ammer with his bright gamboge +breast:—</p> + + +<div class="figright" style="width: 600px;"> +<a name="Page45" id="Page45"></a> +<img src="images/z058.jpg" width="600" height="800" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="center1"><b>Where is Fancy Bred.</b></p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">O would you know where Fancy dwells?<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And where she flaunts her head?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Come to the daisy-spangled dells,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And seek her in her bed.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For Fancy is a maiden sweet,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">With all a maiden's whims;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">As quick as thought—as Magic fleet—<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Like gossamer she skims.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">O seek among the birds and bees,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And search among the buds;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">In babbling brook, in silver seas,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Or in the raging floods.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Gaze upward to the starry vault;<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Or ask the golden sun:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Though ever you will be at fault<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Before your task is done.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">O would you know where Fancy dwells?<br /></span> +<span class="i1">It is not in the flow'rs;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It is not in the chime of bells,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Nor in the waking hours.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It is not in the learnëd brain,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Nor in the busy mart;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It lives not with the false and vain,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">But in the tender heart.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>As mysteriously as they had appeared, the +fairies vanished again, and only the rustling of +the leaves and the twittering of the birds making +melody all around, reminded the children that they +were on enchanted ground. Now and then the +bull-frogs would set up a croaking chorus in +some marshy land far behind, but as no one +could distinguish what they said it did not +matter.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">O to be here for ever,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">With the fairy band,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">O to wake up never<br /></span> +<span class="i0">From this dreamy land!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For the humblest plant is weighted<br /></span> +<span class="i0">With some new perfume,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And the scent of the air drops like some prayer<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And mingles with the bloom.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">O to be here for ever, and never, never wake.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>Was that the music of the spheres they +wondered? Somehow it seemed as though their +own hearts' echo played to the words that fell so +soft, like a fair sweet tender melody of fairies +long ago.</p> + +<p>The Zankiwank had left them again, to send +another telegram, perhaps, and Maude and Willie +went rambling through the meadow and down by +the brook, where they gathered nuts and berries +and sat them down to enjoy a rural feast.</p> + +<p>Tiny elves and fairies were constantly coming +and going, some driving in wee chariots with ants +for horses and oak leaves for carriages. And +while all the other flowers seemed quite gay and +merry in the sunshine, the Poppies were nodding +their scarlet heads and gently dozing, what time +some wild Holly Hocks beat to and fro murmuring—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!<br /></span> +<span class="i1">While the corn is ready to reap.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And the lightest hours a-creep.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!<br /></span> +<span class="i1">On the edge of the misty deep.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>As they lay upon the bank, to their surprise a +procession of birds came along, the two foremost +being fine handsome thrushes, carrying a large +banner of ivy leaves, on which was inscribed, in +letters of red clover, the following legend:—</p> + +<p class="center1">Bean-Feast of Birds<br /> +from London and<br /> +the Suburbs.</p> + +<p>"Fancy," said Maude, "all the birds of London +Town come to Fairy-land for a change of air!"</p> + +<p>"And why not?" asked a saucy Cock-sparrow. +"We can't be always singing the same song, so +we come here for a change of air, and of course +when we get a change of air we return with new +melodies. If you were to Reed your books properly +you would know that the Pipes of our +Organs—our vocal Organs—want tuning occasionally."</p> + +<p>Then, without any warning, they all struck up +a new song, and marvel of marvels, instead of +merely singing like ordinary birds, they sang the +words as well. But before giving you the lyric +that they voiced so melodiously I must tell you +the names of some of the birds they saw, and if +you live in London or any large town you will +perhaps know several of them by sight, as well +as by cognomen. First in the throng were the +Mistle-Thrushes and the song Thrushes; the Redwing +and the Fieldfare, the Blackbird and the +Redstart, and the Redbreast with faithful Jenny +Wren; the large family of Titmouse and the +merry Chiff-chaff, with his pleasant little song of +"Chiff-chaff; chiff-chaff; chiv-chave." The humoursome +Wagtails and that rare visitant the Waxwing, +hopped along together, followed by the +Swallows and the Martins, and a whole posse +of Finches of various orders, particularly the +Chaffinches who were joking with the Linnets.</p> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 604px;"> +<a name="Page51" id="Page51"></a> +<img src="images/z064.jpg" width="604" height="480" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Then came the noisy Starlings, +the Magpies and the +Sparrows chattering incessantly and evidently +talking scandal. The sly Jackdaws and the +Ravens looking as sleek as Sunday Sextons, but +evidently plotting mischief, were also present, in +close proximity to the Rooks and the Crows, who +were well able to take care of their own caws. +Afterwards came the Swifts and the Larks up to +all sorts of games. A few Woodpeckers joined +their feathered friends, and one Cuckoo was there, +because Willie heard him, but he kept somewhere +in the background as usual. Owls and Bats and +Millards with Wigeons and Pigeons brought up +the rear with a few Plovers, including the Lapwing. +Jack Snipe came tumbling after in a +hurry, with a stranger called the Whimbrel and a +Puffin out of breath. There were other birds as +well, but I don't think you would know them if I +mentioned them. Maude and Willie did not, and +they were quite authorities on ornithology, and +perhaps you are not.</p> + +<h3><span class="smcap">The Song of the Birds.</span></h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">We are the birds of London Town,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Come out to take the air,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To change our coats of grey and brown,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And trim our feathers rare.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">For London fogs so very black<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Our tempers disarrange,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And so we skip with piping trip,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">To have our yearly change.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i3">Pee wit! Tu! whoo!<br /></span> +<span class="i4">How do you do?<br /></span> +<span class="i3">Tweet! tweet! chip! chip!<br /></span> +<span class="i3">Chiff! chaff! chiff chay!<br /></span> +<span class="i3">Weet wee! weet weet! sweet way!<br /></span> +<span class="i10">Cuckoo!<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">We sing our songs in London Town,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">To make the workers gay;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And seeds and crumbs they throw us down—<br /></span> +<span class="i1">'Tis all we ask as pay.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">We make them think of fields all green<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And long-forgotten things;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Of far-off hopes and dreams a-sheen<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And love with golden wings.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i3">Pee wit! Tu! whoo!<br /></span> +<span class="i4">How do you do?<br /></span> +<span class="i3">Tweet! tweet! chip! chip!<br /></span> +<span class="i3">Chiff! chaff! chiff chay!<br /></span> +<span class="i3">Weet wee! weet weet! sweet way!<br /></span> +<span class="i10">Cuckoo!<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>After this very entertaining song each bird +stood on one leg, spread one wing, and joined +partners for one of the prettiest dances you ever +saw. It was called the Birds' Quadrille, and was +so charmingly executed that even the flowers left +their beds and borders to look on—the fairies +peeping meanwhile from the buds to join in the +general enjoyment. The voices of the flowers were +lifted in gentle cadences to the rhythm of the +feathered dancers' featly twists and turns.</p> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<a name="Page55" id="Page55"></a> +<img src="images/z068.jpg" width="600" height="709" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>How happy the children felt in this beautiful +place with all Nature vieing to show her sweetest +charms. And how rich and rare were the gems +of foliage and tree and humble creeping plants. +How easy to forget everything—but joy—in this +fairy paradise that Fancy so deftly pictured for +them! Could there be anything sad in Flower +Land? They could not believe it possible, and +yet when a tiny little fairy stepped from a cluster +of wild flowers and sang them the song of the Lily +and the Rose, diamond tears stole down the cheeks +of the little lass and the little lad.</p> + + +<h3><span class="smcap">The Rose and the Lily.</span></h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">A tender Rose, so pretty and sleek,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Loved a Lily pure and white;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And paid his court with breathings meek—<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Watching o'er her day and night.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">While the Lily bowed her virgin head,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">The Rose his message sent;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The Lily clung to her lover red,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And gave her shy consent.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i3">The Violets cooed, and the Hare-bells rang,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">And the Jasmine shook with glee;<br /></span> +<span class="i3">While the birds high in the branches sang,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">"Forget not true to be."<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Dear Flora came the wedding to see,—<br /></span> +<span class="i1">The Cowslips had decked the bride,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The Red Rose trembled so nervously—<br /></span> +<span class="i1">His blushes he could not hide.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The Daisies opened their wee white eyes,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">The Pinks came down in rows;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">"Forget-me-not!" the Lily cries,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">"My own, my sweet Moss Rose!"<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i3">The Violets cooed, and the Hare-bells rang,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">And the Jasmine shook with glee;<br /></span> +<span class="i3">While the birds high in the branches sang,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">"O may you happy be!"<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">The Flower-fairies were gathered there,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And every plant as well,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To attend the wedding of this pair<br /></span> +<span class="i1">So sweet that no pen can tell.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But a cruel wind came sweeping by—<br /></span> +<span class="i1">The Lily drooped and died....<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Then the Red Rose gave one tearful sigh,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And joined his Lily bride.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i3">The Violets wept, and the Hare-bells sobbed,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">The Myrtle and Jasmine sighed;<br /></span> +<span class="i3">The birds were hushed as their hearts all throbbed<br /></span> +<span class="i4">At the death of the Rose's bride.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>Before the children had time to grow too sorrowful, +there was a fluttering in the air and a rushing +among the plants and flowers as the Zankiwank +bounded into their presence, cutting so many +capers that they were glad they were not to +have mutton for dinner, as certainly all the +capers would be destroyed.</p> + +<p>The Zankiwank was in very high spirits, and +gleefully announced that the Court of the Fairies, +with the Queen, was coming, as Sally who lived +in somebody's alley had just informed him. Then +he burst out singing to a tune, which I daresay you +all know, the following foolish words:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Of all the flowers that are so smart,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">There's none like Daffydilly!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">She'd be the darling of my heart,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">But she has grown so silly!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">There is no wild flower in the land<br /></span> +<span class="i1">That's half so tame as Daisy;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To her I'd give my heart and hand,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">But fear I'd drive her crazy!<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">And then there is the Cabbage Rose,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Also the China Aster;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But Buttercup with yellow nose<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Would cause jealous disaster.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Forget-me-not, O Violet dear!<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Primrose, you know my passion!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For all the plants afar—anear<br /></span> +<span class="i1">I court in flowery fashion!<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>"Oh, please be serious!" cried Willie. "<i>What</i> +is the matter with you, Mr Zankiwank?"</p> + +<p>You will perceive that Willie and Maude were +quite at home in their new surroundings, and +nothing seemed to surprise them one whit, not +even the unexpected which they constantly +anticipated.</p> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<a name="Page61" id="Page61"></a> +<img src="images/z074.jpg" width="600" height="629" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The Zankiwank only asked permission to send +one more telegram to the Bletherwitch, and then +he condescended to inform them that Queen +Titania was about to pay a visit to the Flowers +and the Birds, and sure enough, before he had +done speaking, Titania arrived all the way from +Athens, with a full train of fairies and elves, +accompanied by a fairy band playing fairy +music. Robin Goodfellow skipped in advance, +while Peaseblossom, Cobweb, Moth, and Mustard-seed +attended on the lovely Queen.</p> + +<p>"Indeed, indeed this must be a Midsummer +Night's Dream!"</p> + +<p>"Indeed and indeed then it is," mocked the +impudent Robin Goodfellow. "The fairies are +not dead yet; and they never will die while +good little girls and boys, and poets with sweet +imaginations, live. But quick, let not the Queen +see you! Eat of these Fern Seeds and you will +become invisible even to the fairies. They are +special seeds of my own growing and warranted to +last as long as I choose."</p> + +<p>So Maude and Willie ate of the Fern Seeds +and became invisible, even to the Zankiwank, +who was dreadfully distressed and +went about calling them by +name. In a spirit +of mischief Willie +pinched his exceedingly +thin +legs, making him +jump as high as +an April rain-bow, +and causing him to be called to order +by the Court Usher.</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 480px;"> +<a name="Page64" id="Page64"></a> +<img src="images/z077.jpg" width="480" height="627" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>"And now," said Titania, waving her wand and +calling the Flowers and Birds to her Court, "let +the Jackdaw sing his well-known War Song."</p> + + +<p>"If you please, +your majesty, I +have left the music +at home and forgotten +the words," +pleaded the Jackdaw.</p> + +<p>"Very well, then +sing it without either or you shall not have a +new coat until the Spring."</p> + +<p>So the Jackdaw stepped forth and sang as +below, while the Rook irreverently cleared his +throat above for his friend, and cried "Caw! +Caw!"</p> + +<p class="center1"><b>The Jackdaw's Jest.</b></p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">If peaches grew on apple trees,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And frogs were made of glass;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And bulls and cows were turned to bees,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And rooks were made of grass;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">If boys and girls were made of figs,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">If figs were made of dates,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Upon the sands they'd dance like grigs<br /></span> +<span class="i1">With bald and oval pates.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">If mortals had got proper sense<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And were not quite so mad;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Their mood would make them more intense,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">To make each other glad:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">If only they would understand<br /></span> +<span class="i1">The things that no one knows,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">They'd live like fairies in the land,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And never come to blows.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>"That's a very nice War Song—it's so peaceful +and soothing," spake the Queen. "And now +call the Poets from Freeland. This is the time +for them to renew their licences, though I greatly +fear that they have been taking so many liberties +of late that any licence I can give them will +prove superfluous."</p> + +<p>"Superfluous! Superfluous! That <i>is</i> a good +word," muttered the Zankiwank. "I wonder +what it means?" Whereupon he went and asked +Robin Goodfellow and all the other Fairies, but +as nobody knew, it did not matter, and the Poets +arriving at that moment he thought of a number +and sat on a toadstool.</p> + + +<p>Maude recognised several of the Poets who came +to have their licences renewed—she had heard +of "poetic licence" before, but never dreamed +that one had to get the unwritten freedom from +Fairyland. But so it was. Several of the Poets +seemed to be exorbitant in their demands, and +wanted to make their poems all licence, but this +Titania would not consent to, so they went +away singing, all in tune too, a little piece that +Robin Goodfellow said was a Rondel:—</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 406px;"> +<img src="images/z077b.jpg" width="406" height="384" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Life is but a mingled song,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Sung in divers keys;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Sweet and tender, brave and strong,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">As the heart agrees.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Naught but love each maid will please<br /></span> +<span class="i1">When emotions throng;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Life is but a mingled song,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Sung in divers keys.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Youth and age nor deem it wrong,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Sing with joyous ease,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">That your days you may prolong<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Freed from Care's decrees.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Life is but a mingled song<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Sung in divers keys.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p class="noin">So on their way they went rejoicing—saying +pretty things to the fairies, the flowers and the +birds, for they are their best friends you know, +and they love all Nature with a vast and all-embracing, +all-enduring love.</p> + +<p>One singer as he went along chanted half-sadly:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">To tell of other's joys the poet sings;<br /></span> +<span class="i1">To tell of Love, its sweets and eke its pain;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The tenderest songs his magic fancy strings,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Of Love, perchance, that he may never gain.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Hearts may not break and passion may be weak,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But O the grief of Love that dare never speak!<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>A light-hearted bard then took up the cue +and carolled these lines:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">There's so much prose in life that now and then,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">A tender song of pity stirs the heart,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A simple lay of love from fevered pen,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Makes in some soul the unshed tear-drops start.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Sing, poets! sing for aye your sweetest strain,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For life without its poetry were vain!<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>Then they all sang together a song of May, +although Queen Titania had declared that it was +Midsummer. Perhaps her Midsummer lasts all +the year round:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">When Winter's gone to rest,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And Spring is our dear guest;<br /></span> +<span class="i1">The Merry May, at break of day,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Comes in gay garlands drest.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The brightest smiles she brings—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Of sweetest hopes she sings<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And trips a-pace with dainty grace<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And lightest fairy wings.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Joy is the song all Nature sighs,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Love is the light in maidens' eyes,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">May is love alway:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The budding branch and nodding tree<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Join in the revels and bow with glee<br /></span> +<span class="i1">To greet the Virgin May.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">While songsters choose and mate,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And woo their brides in state,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">The youth and maid stroll through the glade<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The birds to emulate!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Then comes the Queen of May,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To hold her court and sway,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">While gallant blades salute the maids,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And whisper secrets gay.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Love is the song all Nature sighs,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">While peace gleams in each maiden's eyes,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Youth is for joy alway!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The laughing rose and lily fair<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Their fragrance shed upon the air,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">As though 'twere ever May.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>As the Poets went on their happy way, the last +one to depart turned to where Maude was standing, +and though he could not possibly see her, said +gently:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">O grant you, little maiden, your thoughts be aye sincere,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Your dreams turn into actions,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Your pleasures know no sear:<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Your life be flowers and sunshine,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Your days be free from tear.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>How happy it made her! And what beautiful +things these poets always thought of and +said!</p> + +<p>"Now, Peaseblossom and +Mustard Seed, you may sing +that little song that I made +for you when we were floating +up near the Moon, and +then we shall soon have to +depart as we have so many +calls to make this Midsummer +Night."</p> + +<p>Neither Willie nor Maude +could understand how it +could be Midsummer Night, +because Midsummer Day +was such a long way off—quite +six weeks, for this +was only yet the month of +May. But they did not say anything, because +Robin Goodfellow was looking at them, and they +knew they were invisible, because they could +not even feel themselves—which is a curious +sensation, when you come to think of it.</p> + +<p>Now, this is the song that Peaseblossom and +Mustard Seed sang together in unison—the fairies, +led by Robin Good fellow, joining in the chorus:—</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 376px;"> +<a name="Page71" id="Page71"></a> +<img src="images/z084.jpg" width="376" height="640" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + + +<p class="center1"><b>Will you walk into the Garden.</b></p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Will you walk into the garden?<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Said the Poppy to the Rose,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Your tender heart don't harden,—<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Do not elevate your nose.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For the Gilly-flower has sent us<br /></span> +<span class="i1">All because of your perfume,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And the Box a case has lent us,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">To make a little room.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i3">So Rosey! Rosey! sweet little posy<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Come to our garden fête,<br /></span> +<span class="i3">And our little Cock-roaches will lend you their coaches,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">So that you mayn't be late.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">All the Waterblinks are waiting,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Just beneath the Dogwood's shade;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">While the Teazle's loudly prating<br /></span> +<span class="i1">To the Madder's little maid!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The old Cranberry grows tartish<br /></span> +<span class="i1">All about a Goosefoot Corn,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But the Primrose, dressed quite smartish,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Will explain it's but a thorn.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i3">So Rosey! Rosey! sweet little posy<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Come to our garden fête;<br /></span> +<span class="i3">Our naughty young nettles shall be on their fettles,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">All stinging things to bate.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Now for tea there's Perrywinkles<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And some Butterwort and Sedge,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">House-leeks and Bird's-nest-binkles,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">With some Sundew from the hedge,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">There is Sorrel, Balsam, Mallow,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Some Milk Wort and Mare's Tail too,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">With some Borage and some Sallow,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Figworts and Violets blue.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i3">So Rosey! Rosey! sweet little posy,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Come to our garden fête,<br /></span> +<span class="i3">And the Iris and Crocus shall sing us and joke us<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Some humorous things sedate.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>"That's all very well," exclaimed the Zankiwank. +"Roses are always delightful, especially the +Cabbage Roses, because you can eat them for +breakfast, but every rose has its drawback.... +Ho! and it's thorn," he added, dancing with pain, +for at that moment several rose bushes he was +passing by gave him a good pricking.</p> + +<p>"Ah!" said Queen Titania, "that is not the +way to look at the beautiful things of life. It is +because the thorns have roses that we should be +thankful, and not find fault because the roses have +thorns."</p> + +<p>"That is a sentiment that I can endorse—it +is a true bill, and almost as good as one of +my own," replied Robin Goodfellow saucily; "and +now let us wander through the Florange grove +and gather some Moranges and Lemons."</p> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<a name="Page75" id="Page75"></a> +<img src="images/z088.jpg" width="600" height="714" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Neither Maude nor Willie had heard of Floranges +or Moranges, and wondered what sort of fruit +they could be, when their attention was drawn +once more to Queen Titania and her court of +fairies, who were all seated beneath the greenwood +tree eating puddings and pies that Mustard +Seed and Peaseblossom and Cobweb were making +for them, chanting, as they cooked the pastry by +the fire of their own eloquence, this doggerel:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">First you take a little orange,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And you squeeze out all the pips;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Then you add a crimson florange,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Which you cut up into chips.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Then you stir them in a porringe,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">With your tiny finger tips;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And you have the finest morange<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Ever known to mortal lips.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>How Willie and Maude longed to taste a +morange! The Zankiwank evidently enjoyed +the one he had, for he said it tasted just like +mango, ice cream, blackberries and plum tart +all mixed up together, so that it must have +been nice.</p> + +<p>After the feast Titania said she must be going, +as she felt certain that there were some invisible +mortals present. She could hear them breathing! +At this Robin Goodfellow grew nervous, and the +children got frightened lest the Queen should +discover and punish them for their temerity.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Where Christmas pudding's bliss<br /></span> +<span class="i1">'Tis folly to eat pies,"<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p class="noin">cried Robin Goodfellow to divert attention and +the fairies at the same time, but the Queen was +not satisfied, and ordered a special dress train +to carry them away again.</p> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 544px;"> +<a name="Page79" id="Page79"></a> +<img src="images/z092.jpg" width="544" height="800" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>At this moment the two children tumbled off +nothing into a vacant space, making the Zankiwank +scream out—"It must be the Bletherwitch in the +clutches of the Nargalnannacus." But it wasn't, +and if it had not been for Robin Goodfellow's +presence of mind, I am sure I do not know +what would have happened. That lively rascal, +however, guessing that he had used the wrong +seeds, at once stepped forward, and taking Maude +and Willie each by the hand, boldly presented +them to Her Majesty as being favoured mortals +who were friends of the Zankiwank, and so the +Queen received them and asked them more questions +than you could find in any school book. +None of which they answered, because when they +turned round the Queen and all her court had +vanished, and only the Zankiwank was to be +seen.</p> + +<p>The Zankiwank took no notice of them whatever, +and behaved just as though he could not +see them. They called him by name without +arousing his attention, for he was once more +writing a telegram, only he did not know where +to send it. In the distance Maude could hear +the sound of voices, and she declared she could +recognise the Queen singing, though Willie said +it must have been her imagination because he +could not. However, this is what Maude said +she heard:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Dear little maid, may joy be thine<br /></span> +<span class="i1">As through your life you go;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Let Truth and Peace each act design,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">That Hope turn not to woe.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Dream if you will in maiden prime,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">But let each dream be true;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For idle hopes waste golden time,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">That won't return to you.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">In after years when ways divide,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And Love dispels each tear,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Know in some breast there will abide<br /></span> +<span class="i1">A thought for you sincere.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">So strive, dear maid, to play your part,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">With noble aim and deed;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Let sweetness ever sway your heart,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And so I give you speed.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>While Maudie was pondering over the meaning +of these words, she was suddenly lifted off her +feet, and, when she recovered from the shock, +found herself with Willie in a balloon, while +down below the Zankiwank was fondly embracing +the Jackarandajam, who had just arrived with +a whole army of odd-looking people, including +Jack-the-Giant-Killer, Tom Thumb, Blue Beard, +and all his wives, with Sister Anne, Dick Whittington, +and his black cat, and Tom Tiddler, and +about three thousand four hundred and five +goblins and sprites, who all commenced running +a race up and down the valley from which they +were fast speeding.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<a name="Page83" id="Page83"></a> +<img src="images/z096.jpg" width="600" height="714" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>"Keep the pot a-boiling; keep the pot a-boiling," +bawled the Zankiwank, and away they all went +again, helter skelter, in and out, and up and +down, like skaters on a rink.</p> + +<p>Gradually the balloon altered its course, and +instead of going up it went straight ahead to a +large inpenetrable wall that seemed to threaten +them with destruction; while, to the annoyance +of both Maude and Willie, they could hear the +revellers down below dancing and singing as +though they were in no jeopardy. And if the +words had been correct they would have declared +that it was the Mariners of England who were +singing their own song:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">You sleepy little mortals,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">High up in a balloon,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">You soon will pass the portals,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Beyond the crescent moon.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Then Shadowland will come in view,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">A dream within a dream;<br /></span> +<span class="i2">So keep in your sleep<br /></span> +<span class="i3">While we keep up the steam;<br /></span> +<span class="i2">While the midnight hours are all a-creep,<br /></span> +<span class="i3">And we are all a-beam.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">The spirits of the fairies<br /></span> +<span class="i1">This eve are very bright,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For in your nest the mare is<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Who only rides by night.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Into a magic sphere you go,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">A dream within a dream.<br /></span> +<span class="i2">So keep in your sleep,<br /></span> +<span class="i3">While we keep up the steam,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">For Shadow Land is deep and steep,<br /></span> +<span class="i3">And we are all a-beam.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>With a bump, and a thump, and a jump, the +balloon burst against the wall, and Maude and +Willie felt themselves dropping, dropping, dropping, +until the Zankiwank bounced up and caught them +both in his arms, saying as he rushed forward:—</p> + + +<p>"Quick, the gates are only open for five seconds +once a week, and if we don't get inside at once +we shall be jammed in the door-way."</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<a name="Page87" id="Page87"></a> +<img src="images/z100.jpg" width="600" height="765" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>So into Shadow Land they tumbled as the +porter mumbled and grumbled and shut the gate +with a boom and a bang after them.</p> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 160px;"> +<img src="images/z103.jpg" width="160" height="114" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 100%;" /> +<h3><a name="Part_III" id="Part_III"></a>Part III</h3> + +<h2>A Visit to Shadow Land</h2> + + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza1"> +<span class="i0">Swift as a shadow, short as any dream;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Bright as the lightning in the collied night,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">That, in a spleen, unfolds both heaven and earth,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And ere a man hath power to say "Behold!"<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The jaws of darkness do devour it up:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">So quick bright things come to confusion.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="r0">Shakespeare.</span> +</div></div> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza1"> +<span class="i0">There's a crushing and a crashing—there's a flaring and a flashing,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">There's a rushing and a dashing, as if crowds were hurrying by—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">There's a screaming and a shouting, as a multitude was routing,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And phantom forms were flouting the blackness of the sky,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And in mockery their voices are lifted wild and high,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">As they lilt a merry measure while they fly.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="r0">J. L. Forrest.</span> +</div></div> + + +<hr style="width: 15%;" /> +<h2>A Visit to Shadow Land</h2> + + +<p>"This," cheerily explained the Zankiwank, "is +Shadow Land, where everything is mist, +though nothing is ever found, because nothing is ever +lost, for you cannot lose nothing unless you have +nothing to gain. Consequently I shall leave you +to find out everything else," with which nonsensical +introduction the Zankiwank caught hold of the +wings of a house, sprang on to the gables, and +flew down the nearest chimney, followed by all +the dancers they had seen below, including the +Jackarandajam and all the residents from Story-Book +Land of whom you can think. But if you +cannot think of all of them yourself, ask your +sisters to think for you.</p> + +<p>It certainly was a Land of Shadows, where revolving +lights like flashes from a lighthouse sent +all sorts of varying rays right through the mists, +presenting to them a fresh panorama of views +every other minute or so. The shadows danced +all through the place, which seemed like a large +plateau or table-land, near a magnificent stretch +of ocean which they could see before them with +ships passing to and fro incessantly. And all the +time, goblins, hob, nob and otherwise, red, blue, +and green, kept rushing backwards and forwards, +sometimes with a whole school of children following +madly in their wake. Such a dashing and a +crashing was never seen or heard before, and as +each creature carried his shadow with him, you can +just imagine what a lot of lights and shades there +must have been. Occasionally there would be a +slight lull in the excitement, and the racing and +the rushing would cease for awhile. Each time +that there was a pause in the seemingly endless +races, a quaint round-faced little person, dressed +in short petticoats, sky blue stockings and a +crimson peaked hat, stepped from Nowhere in +particular, and either sang a song herself or +introduced a small girl spirit, or boy spirit, who +did so for her.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<a name="Page95" id="Page95"></a> +<img src="images/z108.jpg" width="600" height="714" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The first time, she descended on to the plateau +on a broom, and introduced herself by throwing +a light from the magic lantern which she carried, +on to a sheet of water which she unfolded, and +thereon appeared this announcement:—</p> + + +<p class="center1">I am the Great Little Winny Weg.</p> + +<p>But as neither Willie nor Maude knew what a +Winny Weg was, they were necessarily compelled +to await further developments. However, as none +came, they listened carefully to her song, which, +as far as I can remember, was like this:—</p> + + +<h3><span class="smcap">The Funny Little Man.</span></h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I am going to tell a story of a little girl I knew,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">She had a little sweetheart no bigger than my shoe;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">She used to sit and sew all day—he used to run and play,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And when she tried to chide him, this is all that he would say:<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">O my! Here's such a jolly spree!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Sally Water's coming with Jack Sheppard into tea,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">She's bringing Baby Bunting with old Mother Hubbard's Dog,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And little Jacky Horner with the Roly Poly Frog.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">O my! it fills my heart with glee!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The House that Jack is building isn't big enough for me!<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">In time these two got married and they took a little house,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And soon a tiny baby came, no bigger than a mouse;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But still the little husband played at skipping rope and top<br /></span> +<span class="i0">With all the little girls and boys, and drank their ginger-pop.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">O my! this funny little Sam<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thought the world was bread and cheese, and all the trees were jam;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He stood his baby on its head, and played at shuttlecock,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And then he rocked himself to sleep with cakes of almond-rock.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">O my! he was a sniggadee!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He went to bed at one o'clock and rose at half-past three.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Now once they gave a party, and sweet Cinderella came<br /></span> +<span class="i0">With Blue Beard and Red Riding Hood and little What's-His-Name;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And Nelly Bly who winked her eye and Greedy Tommy Stout,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Bo-Peep and Tam O'Shanter, and likewise Colin Clout.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">O my! it was a jolly spree!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Ev'ry one from Fairy Land and Fiddle Faddle Fee,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And Mary brought her Little Lamb, from which they all had chops,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">While Puck and Cupid served them with some hot boiled acid drops.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">O my! it was a happy spread,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">They all sat down on toadstools and in mushrooms went to bed.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">As time went on, and he grew grey, he took to flying kites,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And then he took to staying out so very late o' nights!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">One day he thought he was a bird and flew up in the air,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And if you listen you will hear singing now up there:—<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">O my! I'm such a funny Coon,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I'm going to get some green cheese away up in the Moon;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I'm going to see the Evening Star, to ask him why he blinks,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Also the Sun to ascertain about the things she thinks.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">O my! I feel so gay and free,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I'm going to call on Father Time and then return to tea.<br /></span> +</div></div> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 680px;"> +<a name="Page101" id="Page101"></a> +<img src="images/z114.jpg" width="680" height="600" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The two children were so absorbed in listening +to this rhyming rigmarole that they did not observe +the Winny Weg depart, though, when they +came to think of it, the last verse was sung in the +clouds, and presumably by the Funny Little +Man himself, and they quite longed for him +to pay them a call. But he didn't, so the +goblins started off once more on their wild +career, this time on horseback, making such +a hammering and a clattering as almost to +deafen them.</p> + +<p>Quickly in the rear of the white horses and the +spirits, who all wore little round caps with tassels +at the top, came a procession of dolls—wax dolls, +wooden dolls, and saw-dust dolls, very finely +dressed, with here and there a doll who had lost +a leg, or an arm, or a head, while some were quite +cripples, and had to be carried by a train of tiny +girls in very short frocks and very long sashes. +At the head of these appeared the Winny Weg +again, and just as they were vanishing in the +shadows, a regular shower of broken dolls came +down in dreadful disorder, causing the children to +break from their ranks to gather up their property, +as the dolls, it was evident, were their own old +companions which they had discarded when new +ones were given to them. One particularly disreputable +doll, with a broken nose and a +very battered body, was claimed by the prettiest +child of all, and as she picked it up, she +stepped into the centre of a ring formed by +her school-fellows, and recited to them this +pathetic poem:—</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 440px;"> +<a name="Page103" id="Page103"></a> +<img src="images/z116.jpg" width="440" height="800" alt="" title="" /> +</div> +<p> </p> +<p class="center1"><b>The Unfortunate Doll.</b></p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">O poor Dolly! O pitty sing!<br /></span> +<span class="i1">An' did um have a fall?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Some more tourt plaster I must bling<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Or else oo'll squeam and squall!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I never knew a doll like oo—<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Oo must have been made yong;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I don't fink oo were born twite new—<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Oo never have been stwong!<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I held oo to the fire one day<br /></span> +<span class="i1">To make oose body warm;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And melted oose poor nose away—<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And then oo lost oose form.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Yen some yude boy, to my surplise,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Said oo had dot a stwint;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And yen he painted both oose eyes<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And wapped oo up in lint.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Your yosey cheeks were nets to fade,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Oose blush bedan to do;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And now I'm welly much aflaid<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Oose lost oose big yight toe.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Oose left leg is no longer left,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Oose yight arm's left oo too;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And of your charm oo is beyeft,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And no doll tums to woo!<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">And oose a hollow little fing,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Oose saw-dust has yun out;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Your stweak is gone, oo cannot sing,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Oose lips tan't form a pout.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Oose hair is dyed, an' all is done,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Oose ears are in oose neck;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' so my Dolly, darling one,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Oo <i>is</i> a fearful weck.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It is too bad—I loved oo so—<br /></span> +<span class="i1">That oo should die so soon,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">An' to the told, told drave must do<br /></span> +<span class="i1">This velly afternoon!<br /></span> +</div></div> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<a name="Page106" id="Page106"></a> +<img src="images/z119.jpg" width="600" height="800" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>After this affecting recital they all took out +their "hankelwiches," as the owner of the Unfortunate +Doll said, and placing themselves in line, +they followed, as mourners, the remains of the +deceased doll to the end of a back garden, +which some of the goblins had brought in with +them. Then everything faded away again, and +more shadows danced on the land and the sea, +until nothing was to be seen but the galloping +sprites and the Winny Weg, who was dancing in +a corner all by herself.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;"> +<a name="Page107" id="Page107"></a> +<img src="images/z120.jpg" width="640" height="427" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>A pink light now burst through the haze, the +goblins rode off, and a perfect fairy-land nursery +was unfolded before Maude and Willie, who were +reclining peacefully on a golden couch with silver +cushions. They had no desire to talk, but were +content to drink in all that they saw rapturously +and silently. The nursery was crowded, wee +baby-kins were crawling about everywhere, with +a dozen coy cupid-like dots with bows and +arrows. And right away at the back a beautiful +garden was disclosed, in which happy young +couples were seen perambulating arm-in-arm, +talking soft nothings to each other. Meanwhile +the crawling babies in the Universal Nursery +began to stand up; and then commenced such +a game of leap-frog by these tiny mites, that +made even the Cheshire Cat smile. It was so +funny to hear these dots call out to each other +to tuck in their "tuppennies," and to see them +flying, without stopping to take breath, over each +other's backs. Even the little pink and blue +cupids laughed until the babies crept back to +their cribs once more, and were rocked off to +sleep as the Winny Weg waved her wand, and +an unseen choir of little girls and boys was +heard singing this Lullaby:—</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 480px;"> +<a name="Page108" id="Page108"></a> +<img src="images/z121.jpg" width="480" height="300" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + + +<h3><span class="smcap">O We are so Sleepy!</span></h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">O we are so sleepy!<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Blinky, winky eyes:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Why are you so peepy<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Ere the twilight dies?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">See! the dustman calleth<br /></span> +<span class="i1">As the shadows creep;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Eve's dark mantle falleth,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And we long to sleep.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i3">To sleep! To sleep!<br /></span> +<span class="i4">O we are so sleepy!<br /></span> +<span class="i5">Blinky, winky eyes:<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Why are you so peepy<br /></span> +<span class="i5">Ere the twilight dies?<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">O we are so sleepy:<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Nodding is each head,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Playing at bo-peepy,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Now the day is sped.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Birdies in their nesties<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Rest in slumber deep;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nodland's full of guesties<br /></span> +<span class="i1">When we go to sleep.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i3">To sleep! To sleep!<br /></span> +<span class="i4">O we are so sleepy!<br /></span> +<span class="i5">Blinky, winky eyes:<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Why are you so peepy<br /></span> +<span class="i5">When the twilight dies?<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>The slight mist that had descended went up +just like a gauze curtain, bringing into view +again the lovely garden reposing in the rear in a +beautiful green bath of light.</p> + +<p>Then the merry Winny Weg caught hold of the +cupids and incited them to dance a slow gavotte, +and as they danced they warbled lusciously:—</p> + +<h3><span class="smcap">Cupid's Garden.</span></h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">O chaste and sweet are the flowers that blow<br /></span> +<span class="i1">In Cupid's Garden fair;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Shy Pansies for thoughts in clusters grow,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And Lilies pure and rare.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Violets white, and Violets blue,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And budding Roses red,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">With Orange-bloom of tend'rest hue<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Their fragrance gently spread.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>Other voices, which seemed to belong to the lads +and lasses in the garden, joined in the chorus:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i3">Love is born of the Lily and Rose,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Love in a garden springs;<br /></span> +<span class="i3">With maidens pure and bright it grows,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">And in all hearts it sings.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Love lies Bleeding with Maiden's Blush,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Sighing Forget-me-not;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">While the Gentle Heart with crimson flush<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Peeps from its cooling grot.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And Love lies dreaming in idleness<br /></span> +<span class="i1">To gain its own Heart's-Ease;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The Zephyrs breathe with shy caress,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Each youthful breast to please.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i3">Love is born of the Lily and Rose,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Love in a garden springs;<br /></span> +<span class="i3">With maidens pure and bright it grows,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">And for all hearts it sings.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>How delicious and soothing Shadow Land was! +Shadow Land! The Land of Yesterday, To-Day +and To-morrow. The Land of Hope, and Joy and +Peace. The two children wandered off, as it were, +into a dream for a time, and when they gazed +again, the garden was more delightful than ever—a +joyous blend of Spring and Summer seemed to +invade the grounds, while many of the flowers and +trees showed slight signs of Autumn tinting. In +one corner of the garden a magnificent marble and +bronze fountain unexpectedly sprang up through +the ground and played unceasingly to the ethereal +skies. Merry children danced and played around +its base, and lovers young and old promenaded +affectionately up and down the innumerable +groves, stopping now and then to offer each other +a draught of the sparkling water that fell so +deliciously into the amber cups.</p> + +<p>There were no shadows now. All was bright +and glorious; sunlight and pleasure reigned +supreme. From the clouds unseen singers sang +softly to the people as they passed and repassed, +and this was the story of their song:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">In a garden stood a fountain,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Sparkling in the noon-day sun,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Rising like a crystal mountain—<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Never ceasing—never done!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Happy children came there playing,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Laughing in their frolic glee;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">'Mong the flow'rs and brambles straying,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Tasting life's sweet ecstasy.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i5">O fountain pure and bright,<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Dance in the joyous sun;<br /></span> +<span class="i5">And sparkle in your might,<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Until all life is done.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">In the summer came the lovers,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Plighting troth beneath its shade;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Warm heart's secret each discovers—<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Happy youth and happy maid!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Plays the fount so soft and featly<br /></span> +<span class="i1">In the breeze of waning day,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">As the lovers whisper sweetly,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">"I will love you, love alway."<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i5">O fountain pure and bright,<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Dance in the joyous sun;<br /></span> +<span class="i5">And sparkle in your might<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Until all life is done.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">In the winter, cold and dreary,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Cease the waters in their play;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But the lovers, grey and weary,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Seek the tryst of yesterday!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Time and tide flow on for ever,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Heedless of man's joy or pain;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But beyond the tideless river<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Trusting hearts will meet again.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i5">O fountain pure and bright,<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Dance in the joyous sun;<br /></span> +<span class="i5">And sparkle in your might,<br /></span> +<span class="i6">Until all life is done.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>The voices faded and died away; the scene +changed and a purple curtain descended, hiding +everything and everybody except the Winny Weg. +An extraordinary commotion outside warned the +half-dozing children that a fresh flight of goblins +might be expected. And sure enough in stalked +an army of giants from one side, who were met by +an army of dwarfs from the other, the latter on +stilts. But the curious thing about them was that +the giants had only got one eye, which was stuck +on the ends of their noses, while the dwarfs had +their eyes where their ears ought to be, and their +ears in the place usually reserved for the eyes. +Besides which they each had a large horn fixed in +the middle of their foreheads.</p> + +<p>Both armies expressed surprise at seeing each +other, the leaders of which said quite calmly, as +though they were asking one another to have a +penny bun cut up in four between them—both +said quite calmly—</p> + +<p>"I suppose we must fight now we have met?"</p> + +<p>Upon hearing this the Winny Weg mounted +her broom-stick and flew up out of harm's way.</p> + +<p>And then commenced the most terrible battle +ever seen on land or sea. They fought with +penknives and darning-needles, the battle lasted +half an hour, and only one stilt was injured. So +they began again, using coal scuttles and tongs, +and the din was so fearful, and the giants and the +dwarfs got so mixed up that a railway train +filled with Shadows of the Past rushed on and sent +both armies flying. Then the shadows deepened +and deepened, and the lightning flashed, the +thunders crashed, the sea roared, and a great red +cavern opened and swallowed up everything, including +Maude and Willie, who certainly were +not quite awake to what was going forward, and +all they could recollect of the occurrence was +that they saw the winkles and the shrimps on the +sea-shore playing at bowls with the cockles.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<a name="Page117" id="Page117"></a> +<img src="images/z130.jpg" width="600" height="686" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + + + +<hr style="width: 100%;" /> +<h3><a name="Part_IV" id="Part_IV"></a>Part IV</h3> + +<h2>The Land of Topsy Turvey</h2> + + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza1"> +<span class="i0">In the noon of night, o'er the stormy hills<br /></span> +<span class="i1">The fairy minstrels play;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And the strains replete with fantastic dreams,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">On the wild gusts flit away.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Then the sleeper thinks, as the dreamful song<br /></span> +<span class="i1">On the blast to his slumber comes,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">That his nose as the church's spire is long,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And like its organ hums!<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="r0">R. D. Williams.</span> +</div></div> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza1"> +<span class="i0">Wouldst know what tricks, by the pale moonlight,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Are played by one, the merry little Sprite?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I wing through air from the camp to the court,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">From King to clown, and of all make sport,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Singing I am the Sprite<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Of the merry midnight<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Who laughs at weak mortals and loves the moonlight.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="r0">Thomas Moore.</span> +</div></div> + + +<hr style="width: 15%;" /> +<h2>The Land of Topsy Turvey</h2> + + +<p>If Maude and Willie had been in a state of +somnolency during their sojourn in Shadow +Land, they felt themselves very much awake on +reaching the land of Topsy Turvey. They knew +they were in Topsy Turvey Land because they +were greeted with a jingling chorus to that effect +immediately they opened their eyes:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">O this is Topsy Turvey Land,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Where ev'ry one is gay and bland,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And day is always night.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We welcome to all strangers give,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For by their custom we must live,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Because we're so polite.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">O this is Topsy Turvey Land,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And all our goods are in demand,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">By mortal, fay and sprite.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Our novelties are warranted,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And through the land their fame is spread,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Because we're so polite.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>Surely they had been whisked back to Charing +Cross again without knowing it? The long wide +thoroughfare in which the children now found +themselves was just like one of the main shopping +streets in London. Some parts reminded them +of Regent Street, some of the Strand, and some +of Oxford Street. Yes, and there was the Lowther +Arcade, only somehow a little different. It was +odd. Toy shops, novelty stores, picture shops, +and shops of all sorts and sizes greeted them on +either hand. Moreover, there were the shopkeepers +and their assistants, and crowds of people +hurrying by, jostling the loungers and the gazers; +and the one policeman, who was talking to a fat +person in a print gown who was standing at the +area steps of the only private house they could +see. They were wondering what they should do +when the policeman cried out:—</p> + +<p>"Come along there! Now then, move on!" +How rude of him. However, they "moved on," +and were nearly knocked down by the Zankiwank, +who darted into the post-office to receive a telegram +and to send one in reply.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<a name="Page123" id="Page123"></a> +<img src="images/z136.jpg" width="600" height="780" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>They followed him, of course; they knew the +telegram was from the Bletherwitch, and the +Zankiwank read it out to them:—</p> + +<p class="nblockquot">"Fashions in bonnets changed. Have ordered +six mops. Don't forget the cauliflower. +Postpone the wedding at once. No +cards."</p> + +<p>"Now what does that mean," murmured the +expectant bridegroom. "My Bletherwitch cannot +be well. I'll send her some cough lozenges." +So he wrote a reply and despatched it:—</p> + +<p class="nblockquot">"Take some cough drops every five minutes. +Have ordered cucumber for supper. Pay +the cabman and come by electricity."</p> + +<p>"That certainly should induce her to come, +don't you think so? She is so very sensitive. +Well, I must not be impatient, she is exceedingly +charming when you catch her in the right +mood."</p> + +<p>Maude scarcely believed that the Bletherwitch +could possess so many charms, or she would not +keep her future husband waiting so long for her. +But she knew it was useless offering any advice +on so delicate a subject, so she and Willie begged +the Zankiwank to be their guide and to show them +the Lions of Topsy Turvey, which he readily +agreed to do.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 675px;"> +<a name="Page126" id="Page126"></a> +<img src="images/z139.jpg" width="675" height="600" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>And now, as they left the post-office, they +turned their attention to the shops and were +surprised to read the names over the windows +of several individuals they had already met in +the train. For instance, the Wimble lived next +door to the Wamble, and each one had printed +in the window a very curious legend.</p> + +<p>This is what the Wamble had:—</p> + +<p class="center1">Good Resolutions Bought, Sold<br /> +and Exchanged.</p> + +<p class="center">A FEW BAD, AND SOME SLIGHTLY DAMAGED,<br /> +TO BE DISPOSED OF—A BARGAIN.</p> + +<p class="center"><i>No connection with the business next door.</i></p> + +<p>While the Wimble stated the nature of his wares +as follows:—</p> + +<p class="center1">Bad Resolutions Bought, Sold<br /> +and Exchanged.</p> + +<p class="center">A FEW GOOD, AND SOME SLIGHTLY INDIFFERENT,<br /> +TO BE DISPOSED OF—A BARGAIN.</p> + +<p class="center"><i>No connection with the business next door.</i></p> + +<p>"No connection with the business next door," +repeated Willie.</p> + +<p>"Why, you told us that they were brothers—twins," +indignantly cried Maude.</p> + +<p>"So they are! So they are! Don't you see +they are twins from a family point of view only. +In business, of course, they are desperately opposed +to each other. That is why they are so prosperous," +explained the Zankiwank.</p> + +<p>"Are they prosperous? I never heard of such +a thing as buying and selling Resolutions. How +can one buy a Good Resolution?" enquired Maude.</p> + +<p>"Or exchange Bad Resolutions," said Willie. +"It is quite wicked."</p> + +<p>"Not at all. Not at all. So many people +make Good Resolutions and never carry +them out, therefore if there were no place +where you could dispose of them they would +be wasted."</p> + +<p>"But Bad Resolutions? Nobody makes Bad +Resolutions—at least they ought not to, and I +don't believe it is true!"</p> + +<p>"Pardon me," interrupted the Zankiwank. "If +you make a Good Resolution and don't carry it +out—doesn't it become a Bad Resolution? Answer +me that."</p> + +<p>This, however, was an aspect of the question +that had never occurred to them, and they were +unable to reply.</p> + +<p>"It seems to me to be nonsense—and worse +than nonsense—for one brother to deal in Bad +Resolutions and the other in Good Resolutions. +Why do not they become a Firm and mix the two +together?" responded Maude.</p> + +<p>"You horrify me! Mix the Good and the +Bad together? That would never do. The Best +Resolutions in the world would be contaminated +if they were all warehoused under one roof. +Besides, the Wimble is himself full of Good +Resolutions, so that he can mingle with the Bad +without suffering any evil, while the Wamble is +differently constituted!"</p> + +<p>The children did not understand the Zankiwank's +argument a bit—it all seemed so ridiculous. +A sudden thought occurred to Willie.</p> + +<p>"Who, then, collects the Resolutions?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, a person of no Resolution whatever. He +commenced life with only one Resolution, and he +lost it, or it got mislaid, or he never made use of +it, or something equally unfortunate, and so he was +christened Want of Resolution, and he does the +collecting work very well, considering all things."</p> + +<p>No doubt the Zankiwank knew what he was +talking about, but as the children did not—what +did it signify? Therefore they asked no more +questions, but went along the street marvelling at +all they saw. The next shop at which they +stopped was kept by</p> + +<p class="center1">Jorumgander the Younger,<br /> +Dealer in Magic and Mystery.</p> + +<p>"Jorumgander the Younger is not of much use +now," said the Zankiwank sorrowfully. "He chiefly +aims at making a mystery of everything, but so +many people not engaged in trade make a mystery +of nothing every day, that he is sadly handicapped. +And most sensible people hate a mystery of any +kind, unless it belongs to themselves, so that he +finds customers very shy. Once upon a time he +would get hold of a simple story and turn it into +such a gigantic mystery that all the world would +be mystified. But those happy days are gone, +and he thinks of turning his business into a +company to sell Original Ideas, when he knows +where to find them."</p> + +<p>"I don't see what good can come of making +a mystery of anything—especially if anything is +true," sagaciously remarked Maude.</p> + +<p>"But <i>anything</i> is not true. Nor is <i>anything</i> +untrue. There is the difficulty. If anything were +true, nothing would be untrue, and then where +should we be?"</p> + +<p>"Nowhere," said Willie without thinking.</p> + +<p>"Exactly. That is just where we are now, +and a very nice place it is. There is one thing, +however, that Jorumgander the Younger—there +he is with the pink eye-brows and green nose. +Don't say anything about his personal appearance. +What I was going to say he will say +instead. It is a habit we have occasionally. +He is my grandfather, you know."</p> + +<p>"Your grandfather! What! that young man? +Why, he is not more than twenty-two and three +quarters, I'm sure," replied Maude.</p> + +<p>"You are right. He <i>is</i> twenty-two and three +quarters. You don't quite understand our relationships. +The boy, as you have no doubt heard, +is father to the man. Very well. I am the man. +When he was a boy on my aunt's side he was +father to me. That's plain enough. He has +grown older since then, though he is little more +than a boy in discretion still, therefore he is my +grandfather."</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 335px;"> +<a name="Page133" id="Page133"></a> +<img src="images/z146.jpg" width="335" height="640" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>"How very absurdly you do talk, Mr Zankiwank," +laughed Willie; "but here is your +grandfather," and at that moment Jorumgander +the Younger left his shop and approached +them with a case of pens which he offered for +sale.</p> + +<p>"Try my Magic Pens. They are the best in +the market, because there are no others. There +is no demand for +them, and few folk +will have them for +a gift. Therefore I +can highly recommend +them."</p> + +<p>"How can you recommend +your pens, +when you declare +that nobody will buy them?" +demanded Willie.</p> + +<p>"Because they are a +novelty. They are Magic +Pens, you know, and of +course as nobody possesses +any, they must be rare. +That is logic, I think."</p> + +<p>"Buy one," said the Zankiwank, +"he has not had +any supper yet."</p> + +<p>"In what way are they Magic Pens?" enquired +Maude.</p> + +<p>"Ah! I thought I should find a customer between +Michaelmas and May Day," cried Jorumgander +the Younger, quite cheerfully. "The beauty +of these pens is that they never tell a story."</p> + +<p>"But suppose you want to write a story?"</p> + +<p>"That is a different thing. If you have the +ability to write a story you won't want a Magic +Pen. These pens are only for every-day use. For +example: if you want to write to your charwoman +to tell her you have got the toothache, and you +haven't got the toothache, the Magic Pen refuses +to lend itself to telling a—a——"</p> + +<p>"Crammer," suggested Willie.</p> + +<p>"Crammer. Thank you. I don't know what +it means, but crammer is the correct word. The +Magic Pen will simplify the truth whether you +wish to tell it or not."</p> + +<p>"I do not understand," whispered Maude.</p> + +<p>"Let me try to explain," said Jorumgander the +Younger politely. "The Magic Pen will only +write exactly what you think—what is in your +mind, what you ought to say, whether you wish to +or not."</p> + +<p>"A very useful article, I am sure," said the +Zankiwank. "I gave six dozen away last Christmas, +but nobody used them after a few days, and +I can't think why."</p> + +<p>"Ah!" sighed Jorumgander the Younger, "and +I have had all my stock returned on my hands. +The first day I opened my shop I sold more than +I can remember. And the next morning all the +purchasers came and wanted their money back. +They said if they wanted to tell the truth, they +knew how to do it, and did not want to be taught +by an evil-disposed nib. But I am afraid they +were not speaking the truth then, at any rate. +Here, let me make you a present of one a-piece, +and you can write and tell me all about yourselves +when you go home. Meanwhile, as the streets are +crowded, and our policeman is not looking, let us +sing a quiet song to celebrate the event."</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">We sing of the Magic Pen<br /></span> +<span class="i1">That never tells a story,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">That in the hands of men<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Would lead them on to glory.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For what you ought to do,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And you should all be saying,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">In fact of all things true<br /></span> +<span class="i1">This pen will be bewraying.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i3">So let us sing a roundelay—<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Pop goes the Weazel;<br /></span> +<span class="i3">Treacle's four pence a pound to-day,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Which we think should please all.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>What the chorus had to do with the song nobody +knew, but they all sang it—everybody in the +street, and all the customers in the shops as well, +and even the policeman sang the last line.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">You take it in your hand<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And set yourself a-writing;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">No matter what you've planned,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">The truth 'twill be inditing.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And thus you cannot fail,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">To speak your mind correctly,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And honestly you'll sail,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">But never indirectly.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i3">So let us sing a roundelay—<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Pop goes the Weazel;<br /></span> +<span class="i3">Treacle's four pence a pound to-day,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Which we think will please all!<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>Again everybody danced and sang till the +policeman told them to "move on," when Jorumgander +the Younger put up his shutters and went +away.</p> + +<hr style='width: 15%;' /> + +<p>"A most original man," exclaimed the Zankiwank; +"he ought to have been a postman!"</p> + +<p>"A postman!—why?"</p> + +<p>"Because he was always such a capital boy with +his letters. He knew his alphabet long before he +could spell, and now he knows every letter you can +think of."</p> + +<p>"I don't see anything very original in that," +said Willie. "There are only twenty-six letters +in the English language that he can know!"</p> + +<p>"Only twenty-six letters! Dear me, why +millions of people are writing fresh letters every +day, and he knows them all directly he sees them! +I hope you will go to school some day and learn +differently from that! Only twenty-six letters," +repeated the Zankiwank in wonderment, "only +twenty-six letters." Then he cried suddenly, +"How convenient it would be if everybody was +his own Dictionary!"</p> + +<p>"That is impossible. One cannot be a book."</p> + +<p>"Oh yes, nothing simpler. Let everybody +choose his own words and give his own meaning +to them!"</p> + +<p>"What use would that be?" asked Willie.</p> + +<p>"None whatever, because if you always had +your own meaning you would not want anybody +else to be meaning anything! What a lot of +trouble that would save! I'll ask the Jackarandajam +to make one for me—why, here he is!"</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;"> +<a name="Page138" id="Page138"></a> +<img src="images/z151.jpg" width="640" height="335" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The children recognised the Jackarandajam +immediately and shook hands with him.</p> + +<p>"I am so glad to see you all. I have just been +suffering from a most severe attack of Inspiration."</p> + +<p>"How very inexplicable—I beg your pardon," +moaned the Zankiwank. "It is a little difficult, +but it is, I believe, a strictly proper word—though +I do not pretend to know its meaning."</p> + +<p>The Jackarandajam accepted the apology by +gracefully bowing, though neither felt quite at ease.</p> + +<p>"What is the use of saying things you don't +mean?" asked Maude.</p> + +<p>"None at all, that is the best of it, because we +are always doing something without any reason."</p> + +<p>To attempt to argue with the Zankiwank Maude +knew was futile, so she merely enquired how the +Jackarandajam felt after his attack of Inspiration, +and what he took for it.</p> + +<p>"Nothing," was the simple rejoinder. "It comes +and it goes, and there you are—at least most of +the time."</p> + +<p>"What is Inspiration?" said Willie.</p> + +<p>The Zankiwank and the Jackarandajam both +shook their heads in a solemn manner, and looked +as wise as the Sphinx. Then the former answered +slowly and deliberately—</p> + +<p>"Inspiration is the sort of thing that comes +when you do not fish for it."</p> + +<p>"But," said Willie, who did not quite see the +force of the explanation, "you can't fish for a great +many things and of course nothing comes. How +do you manage then?"</p> + +<p>This was a decided poser, beating them at their +own game, so the Zankiwank sent another telegram, +presumably to the Bletherwitch, and the +Jackarandajam made a fresh cigarette, which he +carefully refrained from smoking. Then he turned +to the two children and said mournfully—</p> + +<p>"Have you seen my new invention? Ah! it +was the result of my recent attack of Inspiration. +Come with me and I will show you." Thereupon +he led the way to a large square, with a nice garden +in the centre, where all the houses had bills outside +to inform the passers by that these</p> + +<p class="center1">Desirable Revolving Residences<br /> +were to be<br /> +LET or SOLD.</p> + +<p>"All my property. I had the houses built +myself from my own plans. Come inside the +first."</p> + +<p>So they followed the Jackarandajam and +entered the first house.</p> + +<p>"The great advantage of these houses," he +declared, "is that you can turn them round to +meet the sun at will. They are constructed on +a new principle, being fixed on a pivot. You +see I turn this handle by the hall door, and +Hey Presto! we are looking into the back +garden, while the kitchen is round at the front!"</p> + +<p>And such was the fact! The house would +move any way one wished simply by turning +the electric handle.</p> + +<p>"It is so convenient, you see, if you don't +want to be at home to any visitor. When you +see anyone coming up the garden path, you +move the crank and away you go, and your +visitor, to his well-bred consternation, finds himself +gazing in at the kitchen window. And then +he naturally departs with many misgivings as +to the state of his health. Especially if the +cook is taken by surprise. You should never +take a cook by surprise. It always spoils her +photograph."</p> + +<p>"Oh dear! Oh dear!" cried Maude, "why +will you say such contradictory things! I don't +see the sense of having such a house at all. It +would upset things so."</p> + +<p>"Besides," chimed in Willie, "you would never +have any aspect or prospect."</p> + +<p>"Are they both good to eat?" said the Jackarandajam, +eagerly.</p> + +<p>"Of course not. I meant that your house +would first be facing the East, and then South, +and then West, and then North, and what would +be the use of that?"</p> + +<p>"No use whatever. That's why we do it. Oh, +but do not laugh. We are not quite devoid of +reason, because we are all mad!"</p> + +<p>"Are you really mad?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," was the gay response, "we don't mind +it a bit. We are all as crooked as a teetotaler's +corkscrew! I am glad you do not like the +Revolving Houses, because I am going to sell +them to the Clerk of the Weather and his eight +new assistants!"</p> + +<p>"I did not know the Clerk of the Weather +required any assistance," exclaimed Willie, though +personally he did not know the Clerk of the +Weather.</p> + +<p>"Oh yes, he must have assistants. He does +things so badly, and with eight more he will, if +he is careful, do them worse."</p> + +<p>Here was another one of those contradictions +that the children could not understand. I hope +you can't, because I don't myself, generally. The +Jackarandajam went on reflectively:—</p> + +<p>"It is bound to happen. The Clerk of the +Weather has only one assistant now, and it +takes the two of them to do a Prog—Prog—don't +interrupt me—a Prog—Prognostication!—phew, +what a beautiful word!—Prognostication ten +minutes now. Therefore it stands to reason, as +the Sun Dial remarked, that nine could do it in +much less time!"</p> + +<p>"You will excuse me," halloed the Zankiwank +down the next door dining-room chimney, "I +beg to differ from you. That is to say on the +contrary. For instance:—If it takes two people +ten minutes to do a prog—you must fill in the +rest yourself—prog—of course, as there are so +many more to do the same thing, it must take +them forty-five minutes."</p> + +<p>"What a brain," exclaimed the Jackarandajam, +ecstatically; "he ought to have been born a Calculating +Machine. He beats Euclid and that +fellow named Smith on all points. I never +thought of it in the light of multiplying the +addition."</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<a name="Page145" id="Page145"></a> +<img src="images/z158.jpg" width="600" height="750" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>"More nonsense," observed Willie to Maude. +"What does it all mean?" They looked out of +window and saw the Zankiwank arguing with +the Clerk of the Weather and the Weather +Cock on top of the vane of a large building +outside. Every minute they expected to see +them tumble down, but they did not, so to cheer +them up the Jackarandajam stood on his head +and sang them this comic song:—</p> + + +<h3><span class="smcap">The Clerk of the Weather.</span></h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">The Clerk of the Weather went out to walk<br /></span> +<span class="i1">All down Victoria Street;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Of late his ways had caused much talk,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And chatter indiscreet.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">So he donned a suit of mingled sleet,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">With a dash of falling snow,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A rainy tie, and a streaky skye<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Which barked where'er he'd go.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p class="noin">Then, to the surprise of Willie and Maude, the +Jackarandajam began to dance wildly, while the +Weather Cock sang as follows:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i3">O cock-a-doodle-doo!<br /></span> +<span class="i4">The weather will be fine—<br /></span> +<span class="i3">If it does not sleet or hail or snow,<br /></span> +<span class="i3">And if it does not big guns blow,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">And the sun looks out to shine.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>The Jackarandajam stood on his head again +and sang the second verse:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Wrapt up in his thoughts he went along,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">His manner sad and crossed;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">With a windy strain he hummed a song,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Of thunderbolts and frost.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He strode with a Barometrical stride,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">With forecasts on his brow;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Till he tripped up Short upon a slide,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Which made him vow a vow.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p class="noin">The Weather Cock at once sang the chorus and +the Jackarandajam danced as before.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i3">O Cock-a-doodle-doo!<br /></span> +<span class="i4">The weather will be fine—<br /></span> +<span class="i3">If there is no fog, or drenching rain,<br /></span> +<span class="i3">And thunder does not boom again,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">And the sun looks out to shine.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>Now came the third and last verse:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">His prophesies got all mixed and mulled,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">The Moon began to blink;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And all his faculties were dulled<br /></span> +<span class="i1">When he saw the Dog Star wink!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And up on the steeple tall and black<br /></span> +<span class="i1">The Weather Cock he crew!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He crew and he crowed till he fell in the road,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">O cock-a-doodle-doo!<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p class="noin">And sure enough the Weather Cock did tumble +into the road, and the Clerk of the Weather and +the Zankiwank tumbled helter skelter after him. +Immediately they got up again and rushed +through the window, and catching hold of the +children, they whirled them round and round, +singing the final chorus all together:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i3">O cock-a-doodle-doo!<br /></span> +<span class="i4">The weather will be fine—<br /></span> +<span class="i3">If lightning does not flash on high,<br /></span> +<span class="i3">Nor gloomy be the azure sky,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">And the sun peeps out to shine.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p class="noin">After which they all disappeared except the +Zankiwank, and once again they found themselves +in the street.</p> + +<p>"They were both wrong," muttered the Zankiwank +to himself, "and yet one was right."</p> + +<p>"How could they both be wrong then? One +was right? Very well. Then only one was +wrong," corrected Maude.</p> + +<p>"No, they were both wrong—because I was +the right one after all. Besides, you can't always +prove a negative, can you?"</p> + +<p>"How tiresome of you! You only mentioned +two and now say three. I do not believe you +know what you do mean."</p> + +<p>"Not often, sometimes, by accident, you know—only +do not tell anybody else."</p> + +<p>"You are certainly very extraordinary persons—that +is all I can say," said Willie. "You do +not do anything quite rationally or naturally."</p> + +<p>"Naturally. Why should we? We are the +great Middle Classes—neither alive nor dead. +Betwixt and between. Half and half, you know, +for now we are in the Spirit World only known +to poets and children. But do come along, or +the bicycles will start without us, and we have +an appointment to keep."</p> + +<p>Now, how could one even try to tell such an +eccentric creature as the Zankiwank that he was +all wrong and talking fables and fibs and tarra-diddles? +Neither of them attempted to correct +these erroneous ideas, but wondering where they +were going next, Maude and Willie mounted the +bicycles that came as if by magic, and rode off +at a terrific rate, though they had never ridden +a machine before.</p> + +<p>They were almost out of breath when the +Zankiwank called out "stop," and away went +the bicycles, and they found themselves standing +in front of an immense edifice with a sign-board +swinging from the gambrel roof, on which was +painted in large golden letters—</p> + + +<p class="center1">Time was meant for Slaves.</p> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 516px;"> +<a name="Page151" id="Page151"></a> +<img src="images/z164.jpg" width="516" height="800" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>There was no opportunity to ascertain what the +sign meant, for all at once there darted out of +the shop Mr Swinglebinks with whom they +had travelled from Charing Cross.</p> + +<p>"Don't waste your time like that! Make haste, +let me have five minutes. I am in a hurry."</p> + +<p>"Have you got five minutes to spare?" asked +the Zankiwank of Maude.</p> + +<p>"Oh yes," she replied. "Why?"</p> + +<p>"Let me have them at once then. A gentleman +left twenty-five minutes behind him yesterday and +I want to make up half-an-hour for a regular +customer!" screamed Mr Swinglebinks to the +bewildered children.</p> + +<p>"But—but—O what do you mean? I have got +five minutes to spare and I'll devote them to you if +you like, but I <i>can't</i> give them to you as though +they were a piece of toffee," answered Maude with +much perplexity, while Willie stood awe-struck, not +comprehending Mr Swinglebinks in the least.</p> + +<p>"Time is a tough customer, you know. He is +here, he is there, he is gone! He is, he was, he +will be. Yet you cannot trap Time, for he is +like a sunbeam," muttered the Zankiwank as +though he never was short of Time.</p> + +<p>"There, that five minutes is gone—wasted, +passed into the vast vacuum of eternity! With my +friend Shakespeare of Stratford-on-Avon I can tell +you all about time! 'Time travels in divers paces +with divers persons. I'll tell you who Time ambles +withal, who Time trots withal, who Time gallops +withal, and who he stands still withal!' Oh, I +know Father Time and all his tricks. I have +counted the Sands of Time. I supply him with +his Hour Glass. Don't you apprehend me?"</p> + +<p>They certainly did not. Mr Swinglebinks was +more mystifying than all the other persons they had +encountered put together. So they made no reply.</p> + +<p>"I am collecting Time. Time, so my copy +books told me, was meant for Slaves. I always +felt sorry for the Slaves. They have no Time, +you know, because it is meant for them. Lots +of things are meant for you, only you won't get +them. Britons never will be Slaves, so they'll +never want for Time. However, as Time was +meant for Slaves, I mean to let them have as +much as I can. So every spare minute or two +I can get, I of course send them over to them."</p> + +<p>"It is ridiculous. You cannot measure time +and cut off a bit like that," ventured Willie.</p> + +<p>"Oh yes, you can. A client of mine was laid +up the other day—in fact he was in bed for a +fortnight, so, as he had no use for the time he +had on hand before him, he just went to sleep +and sent ten days round to me!"</p> + +<p>"Oh, Mr Zankiwank, what is this gentleman +saying?" said Maude.</p> + +<p>"It's all perfectly true," answered the Zankiwank. +"You often hear of somebody who has +half an hour to spare, don't you?"</p> + +<p>"Of course."</p> + +<p>"Very good. Sometimes you will hear, too, of +somebody who has lost ten minutes."</p> + +<p>"I see," said Willie.</p> + +<p>"And somebody else will tell you they do not +know what to do with their Time?"</p> + +<p>"Go on," cried both children, more puzzled than +ever.</p> + +<p>"Well, instead of letting all the Time be wasted, +Mr Swinglebinks has opened his exchange to +receive all the spare time he can, and this he +distributes amongst those who want an hour or a +day or a week. But they have to pay for it——"</p> + +<p>"Pay for it?"</p> + +<p>"Time is money," called out Mr Swinglebinks.</p> + +<p>"There you are. If Time is money you can +exchange Time for money and money for Time. +Is not that feasible?"</p> + +<p>Did anybody ever hear of such queer notions? +Maude and Willie were quite tired through trying +to think the matter out.</p> + +<p>Time was meant for slaves.—Time is money.—Time +and Tide wait for no man.—Take Time +when Time is.—Take Time by the forelock.—Procrastination +is the thief of Time.—Killing Time +is no murder.—Saving Time is no crime. As +quick as thought Mr Swinglebinks exhibited these +statements on his swinging sign, one after the other, +and then he came to them once again.</p> + +<p>"Are you convinced now? Let me have a +quarter of an hour to send to the poor slaves. +Time was meant for them, you know, and +you are using their property without acknowledgment!"</p> + +<p>The Zankiwank looked on as wise as an owl, +but said nothing.</p> + +<p>"Dear me, how you are wasting your time +sitting there doing nothing!" said Mr Swinglebinks +distractedly. "Time is money—Time is money. +Give me some of the Time you are losing."</p> + +<p>"Let us go, Willie," said Maude. "Do not +waste any more Time. We have no Time to lose, +let alone time to spare! Shall we kill Time?"</p> + +<p>She had barely finished speaking when Mr +Swinglebinks and his Time Exchange disappeared, +and they were alone with the Zankiwank. But +not for long, for almost immediately a troop of +school children came bounding home from school, +but children with the oddest heads and faces ever +seen. They were all carrying miniature bellows +in their hands, which they were working up and +down with great energy.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 896px;"> +<a name="Page158" id="Page158"></a> +<div class="figleft1" style="width: 448px;"> +<img src="images/z171.jpg" width="448" height="224" alt="" title="" /> +</div> +<div class="figright1" style="width: 448px;"> +<img src="images/z172.jpg" width="448" height="224" alt="" title="" /> +</div> +</div> + + + +<p>"Oh, Mr Zankiwank, what is the matter with +those children in short frocks and knickerbockers? +Look at their heads!"</p> + +<p>The Zankiwank gazed, but expressed no surprise, +and yet the children, if they were children, +certainly looked very queer, for the boys had got +aged, care-worn faces with moustaches and whiskers, +while the little girls, in frocks just reaching +to their knees, had women's faces, with their hair +done up in plaits and chignons and Grecian +knot fashion, with elderly bonnets perched on the +top.</p> + +<p>"That," said the Zankiwank, "is the force of habit."</p> + +<p>"What habit, please? It does not suit them," +said Maude.</p> + +<p>"You are mistaken. Good habits become +second nature."</p> + +<p>"And what do bad habits become?" queried +Willie.</p> + +<p>"Bad habits," answered the Zankiwank severely, +"become no one."</p> + +<p>"And these must be bad habits," exclaimed +Willie, pointing to the children, "for they do not +become them."</p> + +<p>"I thought their clothes fitted them very well."</p> + +<p>"We don't mean their clothes," cried Maude. +"We mean their general appearance."</p> + +<p>"Ah! you are referring to the unnatural history +aspect of the case. You mean their heads, of +course. They do <i>not</i> fit properly. I have noticed +it myself. It comes of expecting too much, and +overdoing it; it is all the result of what so many +people are fond of doing—putting old heads on +young shoulders."</p> + +<p>So the mystery was out. The old heads were +unmistakably on young shoulders. And how very +absurd the children looked! Not a bit like happy +girls and boys, as they would have been had they +possessed their own heads instead of over-grown +and over-developed minds and brains. Old heads +never do look well on young shoulders, and it is +very foolish of people to think they do. It makes +them children of a larger growth before their time, +and is just as bad as having young heads on old +shoulders. The moral of which is, that you should +never be older than you are nor younger than you +are not.</p> + +<p>"But what are they doing with those bellows?" +enquired Willie and Maude together.</p> + +<p>"Raising the wind," promptly responded the +Zankiwank, "or trying to. When folk grow old +before their time you will generally find that it +is owing to the bother they had in raising the wind +to keep the pot boiling."</p> + +<p>"But you don't keep the pot boiling with wind," +they protested.</p> + +<p>"Oh yes you do, in Topsy-Turvey Land, though +personally I believe it to be most unright!"</p> + +<p>"Un—what?" exclaimed Maude.</p> + +<p>"Unright. When a thing is wrong it must be +unright. Just the same as when a thing is right it +is unwrong."</p> + +<p>While the Zankiwank was giving this very lucid +explanation the "Old heads on young shoulders" +children went sedately and mournfully away, just +as a complete train of newspaper carts dashed up +to a large establishment with these words printed +outside—</p> + +<p class="center1">Atnagagdlintit Ralinginginarmik<br /> +Lusaruminassumik.</p> + +<p>"Good gracious, what awful looking words! It +surely must be Welsh?" The two children put +the question to the Zankiwank.</p> + +<p>"No, that is not Welsh. That is the way the +Esquimaux of Greenland speak. It is the name +of their paper, and means something to read, +interesting news of all sorts. But in this newspaper +they never print any news of any sort. +They supply the paper to the Topsy-Turveyites +every morning quite blank, so that you can provide +yourself with your own news. Being perfectly +blank, the editors succeed in pleasing all their +subscribers."</p> + +<p>"Well, I do not see any advantage in that."</p> + +<p>"There you go again!" cried the Zankiwank. +"You always want something with an advantage. +What's the use of an advantage, I should like to +know? You can only lose it. You cannot give +it away. Do try to be original. But listen, +Nobody's coming."</p> + +<p>They both looked round wondering what the +Zankiwank meant by his strange perversities, but +could not see anyone.</p> + +<p>"We can see Nobody," they said.</p> + +<p>"Of course. Here he is!"</p> + +<p>Well! Was it a shadow? Something was there +without a doubt, and certainly without a body. It +was a sort of skeleton, or a ghost, or perhaps a +Mahatma! But it was not a Mahatma—it was +in fact Nobody, of whom you have of course +heard.</p> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<a name="Page163" id="Page163"></a> +<img src="images/z176.jpg" width="600" height="480" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>"At last, at last!" screamed the delighted +Zankiwank, "with your eyes wide open and your +faculties unimpaired you see <span class="smcap">Nobody</span>! And what +a memory Nobody has!"</p> + +<p>"How can Nobody have a memory? Besides, +we can see Nobody!" said Maude, more perplexed +than she had ever been.</p> + +<p>"Exactly, Nobody has a charming memory. +Memory, as you know, is the sense you forget +with it!"</p> + +<p>"Memory," corrected Willie, "is the sense, if it +is a sense, or impression you remember with."</p> + +<p>"Oh, what dreadful Grammar! Remember +with! How can you finish a sentence with a +preposition? What do you remember with it?" +demanded the Zankiwank reprovingly.</p> + +<p>"Anything—everything you want to," replied +Willie.</p> + +<p>"Another preposition! Ah, if we could only +remember as easily as we forget!"</p> + +<p>"You are wandering from the subject," suggested +Maude. "The subject is Nobody, and you have +told us nothing about it."</p> + +<p>"H'm," said the Zankiwank. "You have confessed +that you can see Nobody, therefore I will +request him to sing you a topical song. Now keep +your attention earnestly directed towards Nobody +and listen."</p> + +<p>Knowing from past experience that the Zankiwank +would have his own way, Maude and Willie, +having no one else to think about, thought of Nobody, +and to their amazement they heard these +words sung as from a long way off, in a very +hollow tone of voice:—</p> + + +<h3><span class="smcap">Nobody's Nothing to Nobody.</span></h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">O Nobody's Nothing to Nobody,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And yet he is something too;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Though No-body's No-Body it yet is so odd he<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Always finds nothing to do!<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">When Nobody does nothing wrong,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">They say it is the cat;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Though Nobody be long and strong<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And very likely fat.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">His name is heard from morn till night,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">He's known in ev'ry place;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He does the deeds that are unright,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Though no one sees his face.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Nobody broke the Dresden vase,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Nobody ate the cream;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nobody smashed that pipe of pa's,—<br /></span> +<span class="i1">It happened in a dream.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nobody lost Sophia's doll,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Nobody fired Jim's gun;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nobody nearly choked poor Poll—<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Nobody saw it done!<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Nobody cracks the china cups,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Nobody steals the spoons;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nobody in the kitchen sups,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Or talks of honeymoons!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nobody courts the parlour-maid,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">She told us so herself!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">That Nobody, I'm much afraid,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Is quite a tricky elf.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">For Nobody is any one,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">That must be very clear;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Yet Nobody's a constant dun,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Though no one saw him here.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">As Nobody is ever seen<br /></span> +<span class="i1">In Anybody's shape,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nobody must be epicene<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And very like an ape!<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">For Nobody's Nothing to Nobody,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And yet he is something too;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Though No-body's No-Body it yet is so odd he<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Always finds nothing to do!<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>Just as the song was finished, the Zankiwank +cried out in alarm—</p> + +<p>"There's Somebody coming."</p> + +<p>And Nobody disappeared at once, for the children +saw Nobody go!</p> + +<p>"And now," said the Zankiwank, "we may expect +the Griffin from Temple Bar and the Phœnix from +Arabia."</p> + +<p>A dark shadow enveloped the square in which +they were standing; then there was a weird +perfume of damp fireworks and saltpetre, and +before any one could say Guy Fawkes, the +Phœnix rose from his own funeral pyre of faded +frankincense, mildewed myrrh, and similar +luxuries, and flapped his wings vigorously, just +as the Griffin jumped off his pedestal, which he +had brought with him, and piped out—</p> + +<p>"Here we are again!"</p> + +<p>"Once in a thousand years," responded the +Phœnix somewhat hoarsely, for he had nearly +swallowed some of his own ashes.</p> + +<p>The Griffin, as everybody knows, is shaped like +an eagle from its legs to the shoulder and the head, +while the rest of his body is like that of a lion. +The Phœnix is also very much like an intelligent +eagle, with gold and crimson plumage and an +exceptionally waggish tail. It has the advantage +of fifty orifices in his bill, through which he +occasionally sings melodious songs to oblige the +company. As he never appears to anyone more +than once in five hundred years, sometimes, when +he has the toothache for instance, only once in a +thousand years—which is why he is called a rara +avis—if you ever meet him at any time take +particular notice of him. And if you can draw, +if it is only the long bow, make a sketch of him. +He lives chiefly on poets—which is why so many +refer to him. He has been a good friend to the +poets of all ages, as your cousin William will +explain. If you have not got a cousin William, +ask some one who has.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 640px;"> +<a name="Page170" id="Page170"></a> +<img src="images/z183.jpg" width="640" height="376" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Not having the gift of speech, neither of them +spoke, but they could sing, and this is what they +intended to say, duet-wise:—</p> + + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I am a sacred bird, you know,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And I am a Griffin bold;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">In Arabia the blest<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We feather our own nest,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">To keep us from the cold.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And we're so very fabulous—<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Oh, that's the Griffin straight!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We rise up from the flames,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To play old classic games,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Like a Phœnix up-to-date!<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p class="noin">Then they spread out their wings and executed +the most diverting feather dance ever seen out +of a pantomime.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I am a watchful bird, you know,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And I am a Phœnix smart;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">From Shakespeare unto Jones—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The Welsh one—who intones,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">We have played a striking part.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For we're so very mystical,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Both off-springs of the brain;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The Mongoose is our <i>pere</i>,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And the Nightmare is our <i>mere</i>,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And we thrive on Fiction Plain!<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p class="noin">They repeated their dance and then knocked at +the door of the nearest house and begged pantomimically +for money, but as it was washing day +they were refused. So they went into the cook shop +and had some Irish Stew, which did not agree +with them. Consequently they sprang into the +hash that was simmering on the fire, and were +seen no more. Whereupon the Zankiwank looked +gooseberrily out of his eyes and murmured as if +nothing out of the way or in the way had happened, +or the Phœnix or the Griffin had existed—"The +Bletherwitch will send me a telegram to say that +she will be ready for the ceremony in half-an-hour."</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<a name="Page173" id="Page173"></a> +<img src="images/z186.jpg" width="600" height="678" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>"But where is the Bletherwitch, and how do you +know?" asked Maude, somewhat incredulously.</p> + +<p>"She is being arrayed for the marriage celebration. +At present she is in Spain gathering +Spanish onions."</p> + +<p>"But Spanish onions don't come from Spain!"</p> + +<p>"You are right. It is pickled walnuts she is +gathering from the Boot Tree in the scullery. +However, that is of no consequence. Let us be +joyful as befits the occasion. Who has got any +crackers?"</p> + +<p>Before any reply could be given a voice in the +air screamed out:—"Beware of the Nargalnannacus!" +At which the Zankiwank trembled and +the whole place seemed to rock to and fro.</p> + +<p>"What <i>is</i> the Nargalnannacus?"</p> + +<p>"It's a noun!"</p> + +<p>"How do you mean?"</p> + +<p>"A noun is the name of a person, place or +thing, I believe?"</p> + +<p>"It was yesterday."</p> + +<p>"It is to-day. And that is what the Nargalnannacus +is. He, She, or It is a person, place or +thing, and it travels about, and that is all I +know of it. Nobody has ever seen a Nargalnannacus, +and nobody ever will, not a real, +proper, authen——"</p> + +<p>"Authenticated," assisted Maude.</p> + +<p>"Thank you—authenticated one. Directly they +do they turn yellow and green, and are seen no +more."</p> + +<p>"What are we to do then?" anxiously enquired +Willie.</p> + +<p>"The best that offers. We have been expecting +an outbreak for a long time, and here comes +the Court Physician, Dr Pampleton, to happily +confirm my worst suspicions!"</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 400px;"> +<a name="Page177" id="Page177"></a> +<img src="images/z190.jpg" width="400" height="640" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The children thought it extremely odd that +having one's worst suspicions confirmed should +make any person happy. But they were accustomed +to the Zankiwank's curious modes of +speech and lack of logic, so that they wisely +held their tongues in silence. The newcomer +was of very remarkable appearance. He was +tall and slim like the Zankiwank, but instead +of having the ordinary shaped head and face, he +carried on his shoulders a sheep's head, and in +his veins (so they heard afterwards) ran sheep's +blood. At one period of his existence he had +been well-known for his wool-gathering propensities, +and he was now strongly recommended as +being able to commit more mistakes and blunders +in half-an-hour than a school boy could in a +whole school term. He had one great virtue, +however, and that was that he would always +instantly apologise for any error he might make.</p> + + + +<p>He never travelled without his medicine chest, +which he carried by straps over his shoulders, +and was prepared to give anybody a dose of +physic without the slightest provocation at +double charges.</p> + +<p>"There is danger ahead," he whispered to the +Zankiwank, "and a lot of visitors are coming to +fight to the bitter end."</p> + +<p>"Tell me their names," cried the Zankiwank +excitedly. Whereupon, Dr Pampleton recited +them as follows, the Zankiwank groaning as +each cognomen was uttered:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"The Wollypog" (<i>groan</i>)<br /></span> +<span class="i0">"The Fustilug" (<i>groan</i>)<br /></span> +<span class="i0">"What's-His-Name" (<i>groan</i>)<br /></span> +<span class="i0">"Thing'um-a-Bob" (<i>groan</i>)<br /></span> +<span class="i6">and<br /></span> +<span class="i0">"The Woogabblewabble Bogglewoggle and all his Court."<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>The last was too much for the Zankiwank, +for he immediately climbed to the top of the +tallest steeple in the town, saying with much +discretion:—</p> + +<p>"I will see that all is fair. I will be the judge."</p> + +<p>Maude had only just got time to eat some of the +Fern Seeds she had saved from what Robin Goodfellow +had given her, and to give some to Willie, +when a rushing as of many waters and a roaring +as of the bursting of several gasometers were heard, +and a noise of some two or three hundred tramping +soldiers smote upon their ears, and they knew that +something dreadful was going to happen. As the +Bogglewoggle and the Wollypog and all the +others came upon the scene, both the children +recognised them, from what they had once read in +a fairy book, as being the monsters of the Secret +Cavern.</p> + +<p>It was not going to be a battle, as they could +see—it was only to be a quiet fight between the +important folk of the Secret Cavern and Topsy +Turvey Land. The Jorumgander was there, and +so was the Jackarandajam and Mr Swinglebinks +and all the others they had been introduced to. +The Bogglewoggle was particularly noisy in calling +out for the Zankiwank, but as he was engaged +to be married, of course he could not risk his life +just for the mere whim of a dragon, who +was setting everything alight with his torch-like +tail.</p> + +<p>And then they all commenced to fight—cutting, +slashing and crashing each other with double-edged +swords, while the inhabitants applauded and the +bands played the "Conquering Hero," although +there was not any creature who conquered, that +one could distinguish. It was a terrible sight. +They never ceased for a minute, but went on +cutting each other to pieces until at last they all +lay dead upon the ground. No one was left alive +to tell the awful news but the Zankiwank and +Dr Pampleton. And what was most remarkable +about the fight was that it was all done out of +pure friendship—but friendship does not seem to +be much good when all your friends are scattered +about, as these were. Heads and arms and legs +everywhere, and there certainly did not appear to +be much hope of their ever being able to do any +more damage.</p> + +<p>The Zankiwank crept cautiously down from his +pinnacle and joined Dr Pampleton.</p> + +<p>"Our friends are very much cut up," said Dr +Pampleton.</p> + +<p>"What is to be done?" the Zankiwank enquired.</p> + +<p>"Done? Why, with my special elixir I shall +bring them all to life again," said the Court +Physician promptly.</p> + +<p>"Will you? Can you?"</p> + +<p>"Of course. You get all the bodies and lay +them in a line. I'll gather up the heads and stick +'em on with elastic glue. Then you find the arms +and legs and we will soon have them ready for +another bout."</p> + +<p>So the Zankiwank sent the rest of the populace, +that had been looking on, indoors to get their tea, +while he set to work and did as that absurd old +Doctor instructed him.</p> + + + +<p>Willie and Maude could scarcely keep their eyes +open, but they were so interested in the proceedings +that they managed to see that the Court +Physician with his usual foresight was sticking the +heads on the wrong bodies, and the arms and legs +he put on just as they were handed to him, left on +the right, and right on the left, and no one individual +got his own proper limbs fastened to him.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"> +<a name="Page183" id="Page183"></a> +<img src="images/z196.jpg" width="600" height="734" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>It was the funniest thing they had ever seen—better +than any pantomime, for sure enough they +all came to life again, and naturally, seeing +another person's arms and legs on their bodies, +they imagined themselves to be somebody else +entirely. And then ensued the most deafening +confusion conceivable, each one accusing the +other of having robbed him in his sleep, for +they were under the impression that they had +been to bed in a strange place—and so they +had.</p> + +<p>It was the grandest transformation scene ever +witnessed. The Zankiwank was in deep distress, +but Dr Pampleton was in high glee and laughed +immoderately.</p> + +<p>"Such a funny mistake to make!" he crowed +hysterically to the hopping, hobbling, jumping +crowd of monsters and dwarfs, who were glaring +at each other in a very savage manner.</p> + +<p>"I beg your pardon—my fault—all lie down +again, and I will cut you up once more and put +you together correctly this time," said the Court +Physician pleasantly.</p> + +<p>"So!" they all bellowed in chorus, "it is you +who have done all this mischief. Come on! We +will soon rectify your blunder," and with a swish +and a swirl they made one simultaneous movement +towards the unfortunate Pampleton, and once again +Pandemonium was let loose, when high above the +din the voice of the Zankiwank was heard calling +upon them to have patience and not to disturb the +harmony, as the Bletherwitch had arrived at last. +Meanwhile everybody rushed madly down the +street after the Court Physician.</p> + +<p>But the children could see nothing now. Everything +was growing dim and dimmer, and the scene +was fading, fading away into a blue light. And +the last they heard was the Zankiwank speaking +tenderly to the Bletherwitch, whom they were not +destined to see after all, and saying:—</p> + +<p>"Oh, my sweet Blethery, Blethery Bletherwitch! +What a Bletherwitching little thing you are!"</p> + +<p>Then there was a rumbling and a tumbling, and +something stopped suddenly. A light was flashed +before their eyes, and hey presto! there was John +opening the carriage door for them to get out, and +wonder of wonders, there were their dear mother +and father standing in the hall of their own home +waiting to receive them. And presently they were +being kissed and caressed and petted because, as +Mary their nurse said, they had slept in the carriage +all the way home from the visit to their grandmama.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 480px;"> +<a name="Page187" id="Page187"></a> +<img src="images/z200.jpg" width="480" height="384" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>This, however, they stoutly denied. They knew +better than that, and told their parents of all their +adventures, which, as they declared, if they were +not true they ought to be, and so they said goodnight +and dreamt their dreams, if they were dreams, +all over again.</p> + + +<h4>THE END.</h4> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h6>TURNBULL & SPEARS, PRINTERS, EDINBURGH.</h6> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Zankiwank and The Bletherwitch, by +S. J. 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