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+Project Gutenberg Etext Relics of General Chasse, by Anthony Trollope
+#19 in our series by Anthony Trollope
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+Title: The Relics of General Chasse
+
+Author: Anthony Trollope
+
+Release Date: February, 2003 [Etext #3711]
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+[The actual date this file first posted = 07/31/01]
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+Edition: 10
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+Language: English
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+Project Gutenberg Etext Relics of General Chasse, by Anthony Trollope
+*********This file should be named rlcgc10.txt or rlcgc10.zip********
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+This etext was produced by David Price, email ccx074@coventry.ac.uk,
+from the 1864 Chapman & Hall "Tales of all Countries" edition.
+
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+
+
+
+THE RELICS OF GENERAL CHASSE--A TALE OF ANTWERP
+
+by Anthony Trollope
+
+
+
+
+That Belgium is now one of the European kingdoms, living by its own
+laws, resting on its own bottom, with a king and court, palaces and
+parliament of its own, is known to all the world. And a very nice
+little kingdom it is; full of old towns, fine Flemish pictures, and
+interesting Gothic churches. But in the memory of very many of us
+who do not think ourselves old men, Belgium, as it is now called--in
+those days it used to be Flanders and Brabant--was a part of
+Holland; and it obtained its own independence by a revolution. In
+that revolution the most important military step was the siege of
+Antwerp, which was defended on the part of the Dutch by General
+Chasse, with the utmost gallantry, but nevertheless ineffectually.
+
+After the siege Antwerp became quite a show place; and among the
+visitors who flocked there to talk of the gallant general, and to
+see what remained of the great effort which he had made to defend
+the place, were two Englishmen. One was the hero of this little
+history; and the other was a young man of considerably less weight
+in the world. The less I say of the latter the better; but it is
+necessary that I should give some description of the former.
+
+The Rev. Augustus Horne was, at the time of my narrative, a
+beneficed clergyman of the Church of England. The profession which
+he had graced sat easily on him. Its external marks and signs were
+as pleasing to his friends as were its internal comforts to himself.
+He was a man of much quiet mirth, full of polished wit, and on some
+rare occasions he could descend to the more noisy hilarity of a
+joke. Loved by his friends he loved all the world. He had known no
+care and seen no sorrow. Always intended for holy orders he had
+entered them without a scruple, and remained within their pale
+without a regret. At twenty-four he had been a deacon, at twenty-
+seven a priest, at thirty a rector, and at thirty-five a prebendary;
+and as his rectory was rich and his prebendal stall well paid, the
+Rev. Augustus Horne was called by all, and called himself, a happy
+man. His stature was about six feet two, and his corpulence
+exceeded even those bounds which symmetry would have preferred as
+being most perfectly compatible even with such a height. But
+nevertheless Mr. Horne was a well-made man; his hands and feet were
+small; his face was handsome, frank, and full of expression; his
+bright eyes twinkled with humour; his finely-cut mouth disclosed two
+marvellous rows of well-preserved ivory; and his slightly aquiline
+nose was just such a projection as one would wish to see on the face
+of a well-fed good-natured dignitary of the Church of England. When
+I add to all this that the reverend gentleman was as generous as he
+was rich--and the kind mother in whose arms he had been nurtured had
+taken care that he should never want--I need hardly say that I was
+blessed with a very pleasant travelling companion.
+
+I must mention one more interesting particular. Mr. Horne was rather
+inclined to dandyism, in an innocent way. His clerical starched
+neckcloth was always of the whitest, his cambric handkerchief of the
+finest, his bands adorned with the broadest border; his sable suit
+never degenerated to a rusty brown; it not only gave on all
+occasions glossy evidence of freshness, but also of the talent which
+the artisan had displayed in turning out a well-dressed clergyman of
+the Church of England. His hair was ever brushed with scrupulous
+attention, and showed in its regular waves the guardian care of each
+separate bristle. And all this was done with that ease and grace
+which should be the characteristics of a dignitary of the
+established English Church.
+
+I had accompanied Mr. Horne to the Rhine; and we had reached
+Brussels on our return, just at the close of that revolution which
+ended in affording a throne to the son-in-law of George the Fourth.
+At that moment General Chasse's name and fame were in every man's
+mouth, and, like other curious admirers of the brave, Mr. Horne
+determined to devote two days to the scene of the late events at
+Antwerp. Antwerp, moreover, possesses perhaps the finest spire, and
+certainly one of the three or four finest pictures, in the world.
+Of General Chasse, of the cathedral, and of the Rubens, I had heard
+much, and was therefore well pleased that such should be his
+resolution. This accomplished we were to return to Brussels; and
+thence, via Ghent, Ostend, and Dover, I to complete my legal studies
+in London, and Mr. Horne to enjoy once more the peaceful retirement
+of Ollerton rectory. As we were to be absent from Brussels but one
+night we were enabled to indulge in the gratification of travelling
+without our luggage. A small sac-de-nuit was prepared; brushes,
+combs, razors, strops, a change of linen, &c. &c., were carefully
+put up; but our heavy baggage, our coats, waistcoats, and other
+wearing apparel were unnecessary. It was delightful to feel oneself
+so light-handed. The reverend gentleman, with my humble self by his
+side, left the portal of the Hotel de Belle Vue at 7 a.m., in good
+humour with all the world. There were no railroads in those days;
+but a cabriolet, big enough to hold six persons, with rope traces
+and corresponding appendages, deposited us at the Golden Fleece in
+something less than six hours. The inward man was duly fortified,
+and we started for the castle.
+
+It boots not here to describe the effects which gunpowder and grape-
+shot had had on the walls of Antwerp. Let the curious in these
+matters read the horrors of the siege of Troy, or the history of
+Jerusalem taken by Titus. The one may be found in Homer, and the
+other in Josephus. Or if they prefer doings of a later date there
+is the taking of Sebastopol, as narrated in the columns of the
+"Times" newspaper. The accounts are equally true, instructive, and
+intelligible. In the mean time allow the Rev. Augustus Horne and
+myself to enter the private chambers of the renowned though defeated
+general.
+
+We rambled for a while through the covered way, over the glacis and
+along the counterscarp, and listened to the guide as he detailed to
+us, in already accustomed words, how the siege had gone. Then we
+got into the private apartments of the general, and, having
+dexterously shaken off our attendant, wandered at large among the
+deserted rooms.
+
+"It is clear that no one ever comes here," said I.
+
+"No," said the Rev. Augustus; "it seems not; and to tell the truth,
+I don't know why any one should come. The chambers in themselves
+are not attractive."
+
+What he said was true. They were plain, ugly, square, unfurnished
+rooms, here a big one, and there a little one, as is usual in most
+houses;--unfurnished, that is, for the most part. In one place we
+did find a table and a few chairs, in another a bedstead, and so on.
+But to me it was pleasant to indulge in those ruminations which any
+traces of the great or unfortunate create in softly sympathising
+minds. For a time we communicated our thoughts to each other as we
+roamed free as air through the apartments; and then I lingered for a
+few moments behind, while Mr. Horne moved on with a quicker step.
+
+At last I entered the bedchamber of the general, and there I
+overtook my friend. He was inspecting, with much attention, an
+article of the great man's wardrobe which he held in his hand. It
+was precisely that virile habiliment to which a well-known gallant
+captain alludes in his conversation with the posthumous appearance
+of Miss Bailey, as containing a Bank of England 5 pound note.
+
+"The general must have been a large man, George, or he would hardly
+have filled these," said Mr. Horne, holding up to the light the
+respectable leathern articles in question. "He must have been a
+very large man,--the largest man in Antwerp, I should think; or else
+his tailor has done him more than justice."
+
+They were certainly large, and had about them a charming regimental
+military appearance. They were made of white leather, with bright
+metal buttons at the knees and bright metal buttons at the top.
+They owned no pockets, and were, with the exception of the
+legitimate outlet, continuous in the circumference of the waistband.
+No dangling strings gave them an appearance of senile imbecility.
+Were it not for a certain rigidity, sternness, and mental
+inflexibility,--we will call it military ardour,--with which they
+were imbued, they would have created envy in the bosom of a fox-
+hunter.
+
+Mr. Horne was no fox-hunter, but still he seemed to be irresistibly
+taken with the lady-like propensity of wishing to wear them.
+"Surely, George," he said, "the general must have been a stouter man
+than I am"--and he contemplated his own proportions with
+complacency--"these what's-the-names are quite big enough for me."
+
+I differed in opinion, and was obliged to explain that I thought he
+did the good living of Ollerton insufficient justice.
+
+"I am sure they are large enough for me," he repeated, with
+considerable obstinacy. I smiled incredulously; and then to settle
+the matter he resolved that he would try them on. Nobody had been
+in these rooms for the last hour, and it appeared as though they
+were never visited. Even the guide had not come on with us, but was
+employed in showing other parties about the fortifications. It was
+clear that this portion of the building was left desolate, and that
+the experiment might be safely made. So the sportive rector
+declared that he would for a short time wear the regimentals which
+had once contained the valorous heart of General Chasse.
+
+With all decorum the Rev. Mr. Horne divested himself of the work of
+the London artist's needle, and, carefully placing his own garments
+beyond the reach of dust, essayed to fit himself in military garb.
+
+At that important moment--at the critical instant of the attempt--
+the clatter of female voices was heard approaching the chamber.
+They must have suddenly come round some passage corner, for it was
+evident by the sound that they were close upon us before we had any
+warning of their advent. At this very minute Mr. Horne was somewhat
+embarrassed in his attempts, and was not fully in possession of his
+usual active powers of movement, nor of his usual presence of mind.
+He only looked for escape; and seeing a door partly open, he with
+difficulty retreated through it, and I followed him. We found that
+we were in a small dressing-room; and as by good luck the door was
+defended by an inner bolt, my friend was able to protect himself.
+
+"There shall be another siege, at any rate as stout as the last,
+before I surrender," said he.
+
+As the ladies seemed inclined to linger in the room it became a
+matter of importance that the above-named articles should fit, not
+only for ornament but for use. It was very cold, and Mr. Horne was
+altogether unused to move in a Highland sphere of life. But alas,
+alas! General Chasse had not been nurtured in the classical
+retirement of Ollerton. The ungiving leather would stretch no point
+to accommodate the divine, though it had been willing to minister to
+the convenience of the soldier. Mr. Horne was vexed and chilled;
+and throwing the now hateful garments into a corner, and protecting
+himself from the cold as best he might by standing with his knees
+together and his body somewhat bent so as to give the skirts of his
+coat an opportunity of doing extra duty, he begged me to see if
+those jabbering females were not going to leave him in peace to
+recover his own property. I accordingly went to the door, and
+opening it to a small extent I peeped through.
+
+Who shall describe my horror at the sight which I then saw? The
+scene, which had hitherto been tinted with comic effect, was now
+becoming so decidedly tragic that I did not dare at once to acquaint
+my worthy pastor with that which was occurring,--and, alas! had
+already occurred.
+
+Five country-women of our own--it was easy to know them by their
+dress and general aspect--were standing in the middle of the room;
+and one of them, the centre of the group, the senior harpy of the
+lot, a maiden lady--I could have sworn to that--with a red nose,
+held in one hand a huge pair of scissors, and in the other--the
+already devoted goods of my most unfortunate companion! Down from
+the waistband, through that goodly expanse, a fell gash had already
+gone through and through; and in useless, unbecoming disorder the
+broadcloth fell pendant from her arm on this side and on that. At
+that moment I confess that I had not the courage to speak to Mr.
+Horne,--not even to look at him.
+
+I must describe that group. Of the figure next to me I could only
+see the back. It was a broad back done up in black silk not of the
+newest. The whole figure, one may say, was dumpy. The black silk
+was not long, as dresses now are worn, nor wide in its skirts. In
+every way it was skimpy, considering the breadth it had to cover;
+and below the silk I saw the heels of two thick shoes, and enough to
+swear by of two woollen stockings. Above the silk was a red and
+blue shawl; and above that a ponderous, elaborate brown bonnet, as
+to the materials of which I should not wish to undergo an
+examination. Over and beyond this I could only see the backs of her
+two hands. They were held up as though in wonder at that which the
+red-nosed holder of the scissors had dared to do.
+
+Opposite to this lady, and with her face fully tamed to me, was a
+kindly-looking, fat motherly woman, with light-coloured hair, not in
+the best order. She was hot and scarlet with exercise, being
+perhaps too stout for the steep steps of the fortress; and in one
+hand she held a handkerchief, with which from time to time she wiped
+her brow. In the other hand she held one of the extremities of my
+friend's property, feeling--good, careful soul!--what was the
+texture of the cloth. As she did so, I could see a glance of
+approbation pass across her warm features. I liked that lady's
+face, in spite of her untidy hair, and felt that had she been alone
+my friend would not have been injured.
+
+On either side of her there stood a flaxen-haired maiden, with long
+curls, large blue eyes, fresh red cheeks, an undefined lumpy nose,
+and large good-humoured mouth. They were as like as two peas, only
+that one was half an inch taller than the other; and there was no
+difficulty in discovering, at a moment's glance, that they were the
+children of that over-heated matron who was feeling the web of my
+friend's cloth.
+
+But the principal figure was she who held the centre place in the
+group. She was tall and thin, with fierce-looking eyes, rendered
+more fierce by the spectacles which she wore; with a red nose as I
+said before; and about her an undescribable something which quite
+convinced me that she had never known--could never know--aught of
+the comforts of married life. It was she who held the scissors and
+the black garments. It was she who had given that unkind cut. As I
+looked at her she whisked herself quickly round from one companion
+to the other, triumphing in what she had done, and ready to triumph
+further in what she was about to do. I immediately conceived a deep
+hatred for that Queen of the Harpies.
+
+"Well, I suppose they can't be wanted again," said the mother,
+rubbing her forehead.
+
+"Oh dear no!" said she of the red nose. "They are relics!" I
+thought to leap forth; but for what purpose should I have leaped?
+The accursed scissors had already done their work; and the symmetry,
+nay, even the utility of the vestment was destroyed.
+
+"General Chasse wore a very good article;--I will say that for him,"
+continued the mother.
+
+"Of course he did!" said the Queen Harpy. "Why should he not,
+seeing that the country paid for it for him? Well, ladies, who's
+for having a bit?"
+
+"Oh my! you won't go for to cut them up," said the stout back.
+
+"Won't I," said the scissors; and she immediately made another
+incision. "Who's for having a bit? Don't all speak at once."
+
+"I should like a morsel for a pincushion," said flaxen-haired Miss
+No. 1, a young lady about nineteen, actuated by a general affection
+for all sword-bearing, fire-eating heroes. "I should like to have
+something to make me think of the poor general!"
+
+Snip, snip went the scissors with professional rapidity, and a round
+piece was extracted from the back of the calf of the left leg. I
+shuddered with horror; and so did the Rev. Augustus Horne with cold.
+
+"I hardly think it's proper to cut them up," said Miss No. 2.
+
+"Oh isn't it?" said the harpy. "Then I'll do what's improper!" And
+she got her finger and thumb well through the holes in the scissors'
+handles. As she spoke resolution was plainly marked on her brow.
+
+"Well, if they are to be cut up, I should certainly like a bit for a
+pen-wiper," said No. 2. No. 2 was a literary young lady with a
+periodical correspondence, a journal, and an album. Snip, snip went
+the scissors again, and the broad part of the upper right division
+afforded ample materials for a pen-wiper.
+
+Then the lady with the back, seeing that the desecration of the
+article had been completed, plucked up heart of courage and put in
+her little request; "I think I might have a needle-case out of it,"
+said she, "just as a suvneer of the poor general"--and a long
+fragment cut rapidly out of the waistband afforded her unqualified
+delight.
+
+Mamma, with the hot face and untidy hair, came next. "Well, girls,"
+she said, "as you are all served, I don't see why I'm to be left
+out. Perhaps, Miss Grogram"--she was an old maid, you see--
+"perhaps, Miss Grogram, you could get me as much as would make a
+decent-sized reticule."
+
+There was not the slightest difficulty in doing this. The harpy in
+the centre again went to work, snip, snip, and extracting from that
+portion of the affairs which usually sustained the greater portion
+of Mr. Horne's weight two large round pieces of cloth, presented
+them to the well-pleased matron. "The general knew well where to
+get a bit of good broadcloth, certainly," said she, again feeling
+the pieces.
+
+"And now for No. 1," said she whom I so absolutely hated; "I think
+there is still enough for a pair of slippers. There's nothing so
+nice for the house as good black cloth slippers that are warm to the
+feet and don't show the dirt." And so saying, she spread out on the
+floor the lacerated remainders.
+
+"There's a nice bit there," said young lady No. 2, poking at one of
+the pockets with the end of her parasol.
+
+"Yes," said the harpy, contemplating her plunder. "But I'm thinking
+whether I couldn't get leggings as well. I always wear leggings in
+the thick of the winter." And so she concluded her operations, and
+there was nothing left but a melancholy skeleton of seams and
+buttons.
+
+All this having been achieved, they pocketed their plunder and
+prepared to depart. There are people who have a wonderful appetite
+for relics. A stone with which Washington had broken a window when
+a boy--with which he had done so or had not, for there is little
+difference; a button that was on a coat of Napoleon's, or on that of
+one of his lackeys; a bullet said to have been picked up at Waterloo
+or Bunker's Hill; these, and suchlike things are great treasures.
+And their most desirable characteristic is the ease with which they
+are attained. Any bullet or any button does the work. Faith alone
+is necessary. And now these ladies had made themselves happy and
+glorious with "Relics" of General Chasse cut from the ill-used
+habiliments of an elderly English gentleman!
+
+They departed at last, and Mr. Horne, for once in an ill humour,
+followed me into the bedroom. Here I must be excused if I draw a
+veil over his manly sorrow at discovering what fate had done for
+him. Remember what was his position, unclothed in the Castle of
+Antwerp! The nearest suitable change for those which had been
+destroyed was locked up in his portmanteau at the Hotel de Belle Rue
+in Brussels! He had nothing left to him--literally nothing, in that
+Antwerp world. There was no other wretched being wandering then in
+that Dutch town so utterly denuded of the goods of life. For what
+is a man fit,--for what can he be fit,--when left in such a
+position? There are some evils which seem utterly to crush a man;
+and if there be any misfortune to which a man may be allowed to
+succumb without imputation on his manliness, surely it is such as
+this. How was Mr. Horne to return to his hotel without incurring
+the displeasure of the municipality? That was my first thought.
+
+He had a cloak, but it was at the inn; and I found that my friend
+was oppressed with a great horror at the idea of being left alone;
+so that I could not go in search of it. There is an old saying,
+that no man is a hero to his valet de chambre, the reason doubtless
+being this, that it is customary for his valet to see the hero
+divested of those trappings in which so much of the heroic consists.
+Who reverences a clergyman without his gown, or a warrior without
+his sword and sabre-tasche? What would even Minerva be without her
+helmet?
+
+I do not wish it to be understood that I no longer reverenced Mr.
+Horne because he was in an undress; but he himself certainly lost
+much of his composed, well-sustained dignity of demeanour. He was
+fearful and querulous, cold, and rather cross. When, forgetting his
+size, I offered him my own, he thought that I was laughing at him.
+He began to be afraid that the story would get abroad, and he then
+and there exacted a promise that I would never tell it during his
+lifetime. I have kept my word; but now my old friend has been
+gathered to his fathers, full of years.
+
+At last I got him to the hotel. It was long before he would leave
+the castle, cloaked though he was;--not, indeed, till the shades of
+evening had dimmed the outlines of men and things, and made
+indistinct the outward garniture of those who passed to and fro in
+the streets. Then, wrapped in his cloak, Mr. Horne followed me
+along the quays and through the narrowest of the streets; and at
+length, without venturing to return the gaze of any one in the hotel
+court, he made his way up to his own bedroom.
+
+Dinnerless and supperless he went to his couch. But when there he
+did consent to receive some consolation in the shape of mutton
+cutlets and fried potatoes, a savory omelet, and a bottle of claret.
+The mutton cutlets and fried potatoes at the Golden Fleece at
+Antwerp are--or were then, for I am speaking now of well-nigh thirty
+years since--remarkably good; the claret, also, was of the best; and
+so, by degrees, the look of despairing dismay passed from his face,
+and some scintillations of the old fire returned to his eyes.
+
+"I wonder whether they find themselves much happier for what they
+have got?" said he.
+
+"A great deal happier," said I. "They'll boast of those things to
+all their friends at home, and we shall doubtless see some account
+of their success in the newspapers."
+
+"It would be delightful to expose their blunder,--to show them up.
+Would it not, George? To turn the tables on them?"
+
+"Yes," said I, "I should like to have the laugh against them."
+
+"So would I, only that I should compromise myself by telling the
+story. It wouldn't do at all to have it told at Oxford with my name
+attached to it."
+
+To this also I assented. To what would I not have assented in my
+anxiety to make him happy after his misery?
+
+But all was not over yet. He was in bed now, but it was necessary
+that he should rise again on the morrow. At home, in England, what
+was required might perhaps have been made during the night; but
+here, among the slow Flemings, any such exertion would have been
+impossible. Mr. Horne, moreover, had no desire to be troubled in
+his retirement by a tailor.
+
+Now the landlord of the Golden Fleece was a very stout man,--a very
+stout man indeed. Looking at him as he stood with his hands in his
+pockets at the portal of his own establishment, I could not but
+think that he was stouter even than Mr. Horne. But then he was
+certainly much shorter, and the want of due proportion probably
+added to his unwieldy appearance. I walked round him once or twice
+wishfully, measuring him in my eye, and thinking of what texture
+might be the Sunday best of such a man. The clothes which he then
+had on were certainly not exactly suited to Mr. Horne's tastes.
+
+He saw that I was observing him, and appeared uneasy and offended.
+I had already ascertained that he spoke a little English. Of
+Flemish I knew literally nothing, and in French, with which probably
+he was also acquainted, I was by no means voluble. The business
+which I had to transact was intricate, and I required the use of my
+mother-tongue.
+
+It was intricate and delicate, and difficult withal. I began by
+remarking on the weather, but he did not take my remarks kindly. I
+am inclined to fancy that he thought I was desirous of borrowing
+money from him. At any rate he gave me no encouragement in my first
+advances.
+
+"Vat misfortune?" at last he asked, when I had succeeded in making
+him understand that a gentleman up stairs required his assistance.
+
+"He has lost these things," and I took hold of my own garments.
+"It's a long story, or I'd tell you how; but he has not a pair in
+the world till he gets back to Brussels,--unless you can lend him
+one."
+
+"Lost hees br-?" and he opened his eyes wide, and looked at me with
+astonishment.
+
+"Yes, yes, exactly so," said I, interrupting him. "Most astonishing
+thing, isn't it? But it's quite true."
+
+"Vas hees money in de pocket?" asked my auspicious landlord.
+
+"No, no, no. It's not so bad as that, his money is all right. I
+had the money, luckily."
+
+"Ah! dat is better. But he have lost hees b-?"
+
+"Yes, yes;" I was now getting rather impatient. "There is no
+mistake about it. He has lost them as sure as you stand there."
+And then I proceeded to explain that as the gentleman in question
+was very stout, and as he, the landlord, was stoat also, he might
+assist us in this great calamity by a loan from his own wardrobe.
+
+When he found that the money was not in the pocket, and that his
+bill therefore would be paid, he was not indisposed to be gracious.
+He would, he said, desire his servant to take up what was required
+to Mr. Horne's chamber. I endeavoured to make him understand that a
+sombre colour would be preferable; but he only answered that he
+would put the best that he had at the gentleman's disposal. He
+could not think of offering anything less than his best on such an
+occasion. And then he turned his back and went his way, muttering
+as he went something in Flemish, which I believed to be an
+exclamation of astonishment that any man should, under any
+circumstances, lose such an article.
+
+It was now getting late; so when I had taken a short stroll by
+myself, I went to bed without disturbing Mr. Horne again that night.
+On the following morning I thought it best not to go to him unless
+he sent for me; so I desired the boots to let him know that I had
+ordered breakfast in a private room, and that I would await him
+there unless he wished to see me. He sent me word back to say that
+he would be with me very shortly.
+
+He did not keep me waiting above half an hour, but I confess that
+that half hour was not pleasantly spent. I feared that his temper
+would be tried in dressing, and that he would not be able to eat his
+breakfast in a happy state of mind. So that when I heard his heavy
+footstep advancing along the passage my heart did misgive me, and I
+felt that I was trembling.
+
+That step was certainly slower and more ponderous than usual. There
+was always a certain dignity in the very sound of his movements, but
+now this seemed to have been enhanced. To judge merely by the step
+one would have said that a bishop was coming that way instead of a
+prebendary.
+
+And then he entered. In the upper half of his august person no
+alteration was perceptible. The hair was as regular and as graceful
+as ever, the handkerchief as white, the coat as immaculate; but
+below his well-filled waistcoat a pair of red plush began to shine
+in unmitigated splendour, and continued from thence down to within
+an inch above his knee; nor, as it appeared, could any pulling
+induce them to descend lower. Mr. Horne always wore black silk
+stockings,--at least so the world supposed, but it was now apparent
+that the world had been wrong in presuming him to be guilty of such
+extravagance. Those, at any rate, which he exhibited on the present
+occasion were more economical. They were silk to the calf, but
+thence upwards they continued their career in white cotton. These
+then followed the plush; first two snowy, full-sized pillars of
+white, and then two jet columns of flossy silk. Such was the
+appearance, on that well-remembered morning, of the Rev. Augustus
+Horne, as he entered the room in which his breakfast was prepared.
+
+I could see at a glance that a dark frown contracted his eyebrows,
+and that the compressed muscles of his upper lip gave a strange
+degree of austerity to his open face. He carried his head proudly
+on high, determined to be dignified in spite of his misfortunes, and
+advanced two steps into the room without a remark, as though he were
+able to show that neither red plush nor black cloth could disarrange
+the equal poise of his mighty mind!
+
+And after all what are a man's garments but the outward husks in
+which the fruit is kept, duly tempered from the wind?
+
+
+"The rank is but the guinea stamp,
+The man's the gowd for a' that."
+
+
+And is not the tailor's art as little worthy, as insignificant as
+that of the king who makes
+
+
+"A marquis, duke, and a' that"?
+
+
+Who would be content to think that his manly dignity depended on his
+coat and waistcoat, or his hold on the world's esteem on any other
+garment of usual wear? That no such weakness soiled his mind Mr.
+Horne was determined to prove; and thus he entered the room with
+measured tread, and stern dignified demeanour.
+
+Having advanced two steps his eye caught mine. I do not know
+whether he was moved by some unconscious smile on my part;--for in
+truth I endeavoured to seem as indifferent as himself to the nature
+of his dress;--or whether he was invincibly tickled by some inward
+fancy of his own, but suddenly his advancing step ceased, a broad
+flash of comic humour spread itself over his features, he retreated
+with his back against the wall, and then burst out into an
+immoderate roar of loud laughter.
+
+And I--what else could I then do but laugh? He laughed, and I
+laughed. He roared, and I roared. He lifted up his vast legs to
+view till the rays of the morning sun shone through the window on
+the bright hues which he displayed; and he did not sit down to his
+breakfast till he had in every fantastic attitude shown off to the
+best advantage the red plush of which he had so recently become
+proud.
+
+An Antwerp private cabriolet on that day reached the yard of the
+Hotel de Belle Vue at about 4 p.m., and four waiters, in a frenzy of
+astonishment, saw the Reverend Augustus Horne descend from the
+vehicle and seek his chamber dressed in the garments which I have
+described. But I am inclined to think that he never again favoured
+any of his friends with such a sight.
+
+It was on the next evening after this that I went out to drink tea
+with two maiden ladies, relatives of mine, who kept a seminary for
+English girls at Brussels. The Misses Macmanus were very worthy
+women, and earned their bread in an upright, painstaking manner. I
+would not for worlds have passed through Brussels without paying
+them this compliment. They were, however, perhaps a little dull,
+and I was aware that I should not probably meet in their drawing-
+room many of the fashionable inhabitants of the city. Mr. Horne had
+declined to accompany me; but in doing so he was good enough to
+express a warm admiration for the character of my worthy cousins.
+
+The elder Miss Macmanus, in her little note, had informed me that
+she would have the pleasure of introducing me to a few of my
+"compatriots." I presumed she meant Englishmen; and as I was in the
+habit of meeting such every day of my life at home, I cannot say
+that I was peculiarly elevated by the promise. When, however, I
+entered the room, there was no Englishman there;--there was no man
+of any kind. There were twelve ladies collected together with the
+view of making the evening pass agreeably to me, the single virile
+being among them all. I felt as though I were a sort of Mohammed in
+Paradise; but I certainly felt also that the Paradise was none of my
+own choosing.
+
+In the centre of the amphitheatre which the ladies formed sat the
+two Misses Macmanus;--there, at least, they sat when they had
+completed the process of shaking hands with me. To the left of
+them, making one wing of the semicircle, were arranged the five
+pupils by attending to whom the Misses Macmanus earned their living;
+and the other wing consisted of the five ladies who had furnished
+themselves with relics of General Chasse. They were my
+"compatriots."
+
+I was introduced to them all, one after the other; but their names
+did not abide in my memory one moment. I was thinking too much of
+the singularity of the adventure, and could not attend to such
+minutiae. That the red-rosed harpy was Miss Grogram, that I
+remembered;--that, I may say, I shall never forget. But whether the
+motherly lady with the somewhat blowsy hair was Mrs. Jones, or Mrs.
+Green, or Mrs. Walker, I cannot now say. The dumpy female with the
+broad back was always called Aunt Sally by the young ladies.
+
+Too much sugar spoils one's tea; I think I have heard that even
+prosperity will cloy when it comes in overdoses; and a schoolboy has
+been known to be overdone with jam. I myself have always been
+peculiarly attached to ladies' society, and have avoided bachelor
+parties as things execrable in their very nature. But on this
+special occasion I felt myself to be that schoolboy;--I was
+literally overdone with jam. My tea was all sugar, so that I could
+not drink it. I was one among twelve. What could I do or say? The
+proportion of alloy was too small to have any effect in changing the
+nature of the virgin silver, and the conversation became absolutely
+feminine.
+
+I must confess also that my previous experience as to these
+compatriots of mine had not prejudiced me in their favour. I
+regarded them with,--I am ashamed to say so, seeing that they were
+ladies,--but almost with loathing. When last I had seen them their
+occupation had reminded me of some obscene feast of harpies, or
+almost of ghouls. They had brought down to the verge of desperation
+the man whom of all men I most venerated. On these accounts I was
+inclined to be taciturn with reference to them;--and then what could
+I have to say to the Misses Macmanus's five pupils?
+
+My cousin at first made an effort or two in my favour, but these
+efforts were fruitless. I soon died away into utter unrecognised
+insignificance, and the conversation, as I have before said, became
+feminine. And indeed that horrid Miss Grogram, who was, as it were,
+the princess of the ghouls, nearly monopolised the whole of it.
+Mamma Jones--we will call her Jones for the occasion--put in a word
+now and then, as did also the elder and more energetic Miss
+Macmanus. The dumpy lady with the broad back ate tea-cake
+incessantly; the two daughters looked scornful, as though they were
+above their company with reference to the five pupils; and the five
+pupils themselves sat in a row with the utmost propriety, each with
+her hands crossed on her lap before her.
+
+Of what they were talking at last I became utterly oblivious. They
+had ignored me, going into realms of muslin, questions of maid-
+servants, female rights, and cheap under-clothing; and I therefore
+had ignored them. My mind had gone back to Mr. Horne and his
+garments. While they spoke of their rights, I was thinking of his
+wrongs; when they mentioned the price of flannel, I thought of that
+of broadcloth.
+
+But of a sudden my attention was arrested. Miss Macmanus had said
+something of the black silks of Antwerp, when Miss Grogram replied
+that she had just returned from that city and had there enjoyed a
+great success. My cousin had again asked something about the black
+silks, thinking, no doubt, that Miss Grogram had achieved some
+bargain, but that lady had soon undeceived her.
+
+"Oh no," said Miss Grogram, "it was at the castle. We got such
+beautiful relics of General Chasse! Didn't we, Mrs. Jones?"
+
+"Indeed we did," said Mrs. Jones, bringing out from beneath the
+skirts of her dress and ostensibly displaying a large black bag.
+
+"And I've got such a beautiful needle-case," said the broad-back,
+displaying her prize. "I've been making it up all the morning."
+And she handed over the article to Miss Macmanus.
+
+"And only look at this duck of a pen-wiper," simpered flaxen-hair
+No. 2. "Only think of wiping one's pens with relics of General
+Chasse!" and she handed it over to the other Miss Macmanus.
+
+"And mine's a pin-cushion," said No. 1, exhibiting the trophy.
+
+"But that's nothing to what I've got," said Miss Grogram. "In the
+first place, there's a pair of slippers,--a beautiful pair;--they're
+not made up yet, of course; and then--"
+
+The two Misses Macmanus and their five pupils were sitting open-
+eared, open-eyed, and open-mouthed. How all these sombre-looking
+articles could be relics of General Chasse did not at first appear
+clear to them.
+
+"What are they, Miss Grogram?" said the elder Miss Macmanus, holding
+the needle-case in one hand and Mrs. Jones's bag in the other. Miss
+Macmanus was a strong-minded female, and I reverenced my cousin when
+I saw the decided way in which she intended to put down the greedy
+arrogance of Miss Grogram.
+
+"They are relics."
+
+"But where do they come from, Miss Grogram?"
+
+"Why, from the castle, to be sure;--from General Chasse's own
+rooms."
+
+"Did anybody sell them to you?"
+
+"No."
+
+"Or give them to you?"
+
+"Why, no;--at least not exactly give."
+
+"There they were, and she took 'em," said the broad-back. Oh, what
+a look Miss Grogram gave her! "Took them! of course I took them.
+That is, you took them as much as I did. They were things that we
+found lying about."
+
+"What things?" asked Miss Macmanus, in a peculiarly strong-minded
+tone.
+
+Miss Grogram seemed to be for a moment silenced. I had been
+ignored, as I have said, and my existence forgotten; but now I
+observed that the eyes of the culprits were turned towards me,--the
+eyes, that is, of four of them. Mrs. Jones looked at me from
+beneath her fan; the two girls glanced at me furtively, and then
+their eyes fell to the lowest flounces of their frocks.
+
+Miss Grogram turned her spectacles right upon me, and I fancied that
+she nodded her head at me as a sort of answer to Miss Macmanus. The
+five pupils opened their mouths and eyes wider; but she of the broad
+back was nothing abashed. It would have been nothing to her had
+there been a dozen gentlemen in the room. "We just found a pair of
+black--." The whole truth was told in the plainest possible
+language.
+
+"Oh, Aunt Sally!" "Aunt Sally, how can you?" "Hold your tongue,
+Aunt Sally!"
+
+"And then Miss Grogram just cut them up with her scissors,"
+continued Aunt Sally, not a whit abashed, "and gave us each a bit,
+only she took more than half for herself." It was clear to me that
+there had been some quarrel, some delicious quarrel, between Aunt
+Sally and Miss Grogram. Through the whole adventure I had rather
+respected Aunt Sally. "She took more than half for herself,"
+continued Aunt Sally. "She kept all the--"
+
+"Jemima," said the elder Miss Macmanus, interrupting the speaker and
+addressing her sister, "it is time, I think, for the young ladies to
+retire. Will you be kind enough to see them to their rooms?" The
+five pupils thereupon rose from their seats--and courtesied. They
+then left the room in file, the younger Miss Macmanus showing them
+the way.
+
+"But we haven't done any harm, have we?" asked Mrs. Jones, with some
+tremulousness in her voice.
+
+"Well, I don't know," said Miss Macmanus. "What I'm thinking of now
+is this;--to whom, I wonder, did the garments properly belong? Who
+had been the owner and wearer of them?"
+
+"Why, General Chasse of course," said Miss Grogram.
+
+"They were the general's," repeated the two young ladies; blushing,
+however, as they alluded to the subject.
+
+"Well, we thought they were the general's, certainly; and a very
+excellent article they were," said Mrs. Jones.
+
+"Perhaps they were the butler's?" said Aunt Sally. I certainly had
+not given her credit for so much sarcasm.
+
+"Butler's!" exclaimed Miss Grogram, with a toss of her head.
+
+"Oh, Aunt Sally, Aunt Sally! how can you?" shrieked the two young
+ladies.
+
+"Oh laws!" ejaculated Mrs. Jones.
+
+"I don't think that they could have belonged to the butler," said
+Miss Macmanus, with much authority, "seeing that domestics in this
+country are never clad in garments of that description; so far my
+own observation enables me to speak with certainty. But it is
+equally sure that they were never the property of the general lately
+in command at Antwerp. Generals, when they are in full dress, wear
+ornamental lace upon their--their regimentals; and when--" So much
+she said, and something more, which it may be unnecessary that I
+should repeat; but such were her eloquence and logic that no doubt
+would have been left on the mind of any impartial hearer. If an
+argumentative speaker ever proved anything, Miss Macmanus proved
+that General Chasse had never been the wearer of the article in
+question.
+
+"But I know very well they were his!" said Miss Grogram, who was not
+an impartial hearer. "Of course they were; whose else's should they
+be?"
+
+"I'm sure I hope they were his," said one of the young ladies,
+almost crying.
+
+"I wish I'd never taken it," said the other.
+
+"Dear, dear, dear!" said Mrs. Jones.
+
+"I'll give you my needle-case, Miss Grogram," said Aunt Sally.
+
+I had sat hitherto silent during the whole scene, meditating how
+best I might confound the red-nosed harpy. Now, I thought, was the
+time for me to strike in.
+
+"I really think, ladies, that there has been some mistake," said I.
+
+"There has been no mistake at all, sir!" said Miss Grogram.
+
+"Perhaps not," I answered, very mildly; "very likely not. But some
+affair of a similar nature was very much talked about in Antwerp
+yesterday."
+
+"Oh laws!" again ejaculated Mrs. Jones.
+
+"The affair I allude to has been talked about a good deal,
+certainly," I continued. "But perhaps it may be altogether a
+different circumstance."
+
+"And what may be the circumstance to which you allude?" asked Miss
+Macmanus, in the same authoritative tone.
+
+"I dare say it has nothing to do with these ladies," said I; "but an
+article of dress, of the nature they have described, was cut up in
+the Castle of Antwerp on the day before yesterday. It belonged to a
+gentleman who was visiting the place; and I was given to understand
+that he is determined to punish the people who have wronged him."
+
+"It can't be the same," said Miss Grogram; but I could see that she
+was trembling.
+
+"Oh laws! what will become of us?" said Mrs. Jones.
+
+"You can all prove that I didn't touch them, and that I warned her
+not," said Aunt Sally. In the mean time the two young ladies had
+almost fainted behind their fans.
+
+"But how had it come to pass," asked Miss Macmanus, "that the
+gentleman had--"
+
+"I know nothing more about it, cousin," said I; "only it does seem
+that there is an odd coincidence."
+
+Immediately after this I took my leave. I saw that I had avenged my
+friend, and spread dismay in the hearts of these who had injured
+him. I had learned in the course of the evening at what hotel the
+five ladies were staying; and in the course of the next morning I
+sauntered into the hall, and finding one of the porters alone, asked
+if they were still there. The man told me that they had started by
+the earliest diligence. "And," said he, "if you are a friend of
+theirs, perhaps you will take charge of these things, which they
+have left behind them?" So saying, he pointed to a table at the
+back of the hall, on which were lying the black bag, the black
+needle-case, the black pin cushion, and the black pen-wiper. There
+was also a heap of fragments of cloth which I well knew had been
+intended by Miss Grogram for the comfort of her feet and ancles.
+
+I declined the commission, however. "They were no special friends
+of mine," I said; and I left all the relics still lying on the
+little table in the back hall.
+
+"Upon the whole, I am satisfied!" said the Rev. Augustus Horne, when
+I told him the finale of the story.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg Etext Relics of General Chasse, by Anthony Trollope
+