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diff --git a/old/rlcgc10.txt b/old/rlcgc10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9189a70 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/rlcgc10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1271 @@ +Project Gutenberg Etext Relics of General Chasse, by Anthony Trollope +#19 in our series by Anthony Trollope + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the laws for your country before redistributing these files!!! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. + +Please do not remove this. + +This should be the first thing seen when anyone opens the book. +Do not change or edit it without written permission. 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But in the memory of very many of us +who do not think ourselves old men, Belgium, as it is now called--in +those days it used to be Flanders and Brabant--was a part of +Holland; and it obtained its own independence by a revolution. In +that revolution the most important military step was the siege of +Antwerp, which was defended on the part of the Dutch by General +Chasse, with the utmost gallantry, but nevertheless ineffectually. + +After the siege Antwerp became quite a show place; and among the +visitors who flocked there to talk of the gallant general, and to +see what remained of the great effort which he had made to defend +the place, were two Englishmen. One was the hero of this little +history; and the other was a young man of considerably less weight +in the world. The less I say of the latter the better; but it is +necessary that I should give some description of the former. + +The Rev. Augustus Horne was, at the time of my narrative, a +beneficed clergyman of the Church of England. The profession which +he had graced sat easily on him. Its external marks and signs were +as pleasing to his friends as were its internal comforts to himself. +He was a man of much quiet mirth, full of polished wit, and on some +rare occasions he could descend to the more noisy hilarity of a +joke. Loved by his friends he loved all the world. He had known no +care and seen no sorrow. Always intended for holy orders he had +entered them without a scruple, and remained within their pale +without a regret. At twenty-four he had been a deacon, at twenty- +seven a priest, at thirty a rector, and at thirty-five a prebendary; +and as his rectory was rich and his prebendal stall well paid, the +Rev. Augustus Horne was called by all, and called himself, a happy +man. His stature was about six feet two, and his corpulence +exceeded even those bounds which symmetry would have preferred as +being most perfectly compatible even with such a height. But +nevertheless Mr. Horne was a well-made man; his hands and feet were +small; his face was handsome, frank, and full of expression; his +bright eyes twinkled with humour; his finely-cut mouth disclosed two +marvellous rows of well-preserved ivory; and his slightly aquiline +nose was just such a projection as one would wish to see on the face +of a well-fed good-natured dignitary of the Church of England. When +I add to all this that the reverend gentleman was as generous as he +was rich--and the kind mother in whose arms he had been nurtured had +taken care that he should never want--I need hardly say that I was +blessed with a very pleasant travelling companion. + +I must mention one more interesting particular. Mr. Horne was rather +inclined to dandyism, in an innocent way. His clerical starched +neckcloth was always of the whitest, his cambric handkerchief of the +finest, his bands adorned with the broadest border; his sable suit +never degenerated to a rusty brown; it not only gave on all +occasions glossy evidence of freshness, but also of the talent which +the artisan had displayed in turning out a well-dressed clergyman of +the Church of England. His hair was ever brushed with scrupulous +attention, and showed in its regular waves the guardian care of each +separate bristle. And all this was done with that ease and grace +which should be the characteristics of a dignitary of the +established English Church. + +I had accompanied Mr. Horne to the Rhine; and we had reached +Brussels on our return, just at the close of that revolution which +ended in affording a throne to the son-in-law of George the Fourth. +At that moment General Chasse's name and fame were in every man's +mouth, and, like other curious admirers of the brave, Mr. Horne +determined to devote two days to the scene of the late events at +Antwerp. Antwerp, moreover, possesses perhaps the finest spire, and +certainly one of the three or four finest pictures, in the world. +Of General Chasse, of the cathedral, and of the Rubens, I had heard +much, and was therefore well pleased that such should be his +resolution. This accomplished we were to return to Brussels; and +thence, via Ghent, Ostend, and Dover, I to complete my legal studies +in London, and Mr. Horne to enjoy once more the peaceful retirement +of Ollerton rectory. As we were to be absent from Brussels but one +night we were enabled to indulge in the gratification of travelling +without our luggage. A small sac-de-nuit was prepared; brushes, +combs, razors, strops, a change of linen, &c. &c., were carefully +put up; but our heavy baggage, our coats, waistcoats, and other +wearing apparel were unnecessary. It was delightful to feel oneself +so light-handed. The reverend gentleman, with my humble self by his +side, left the portal of the Hotel de Belle Vue at 7 a.m., in good +humour with all the world. There were no railroads in those days; +but a cabriolet, big enough to hold six persons, with rope traces +and corresponding appendages, deposited us at the Golden Fleece in +something less than six hours. The inward man was duly fortified, +and we started for the castle. + +It boots not here to describe the effects which gunpowder and grape- +shot had had on the walls of Antwerp. Let the curious in these +matters read the horrors of the siege of Troy, or the history of +Jerusalem taken by Titus. The one may be found in Homer, and the +other in Josephus. Or if they prefer doings of a later date there +is the taking of Sebastopol, as narrated in the columns of the +"Times" newspaper. The accounts are equally true, instructive, and +intelligible. In the mean time allow the Rev. Augustus Horne and +myself to enter the private chambers of the renowned though defeated +general. + +We rambled for a while through the covered way, over the glacis and +along the counterscarp, and listened to the guide as he detailed to +us, in already accustomed words, how the siege had gone. Then we +got into the private apartments of the general, and, having +dexterously shaken off our attendant, wandered at large among the +deserted rooms. + +"It is clear that no one ever comes here," said I. + +"No," said the Rev. Augustus; "it seems not; and to tell the truth, +I don't know why any one should come. The chambers in themselves +are not attractive." + +What he said was true. They were plain, ugly, square, unfurnished +rooms, here a big one, and there a little one, as is usual in most +houses;--unfurnished, that is, for the most part. In one place we +did find a table and a few chairs, in another a bedstead, and so on. +But to me it was pleasant to indulge in those ruminations which any +traces of the great or unfortunate create in softly sympathising +minds. For a time we communicated our thoughts to each other as we +roamed free as air through the apartments; and then I lingered for a +few moments behind, while Mr. Horne moved on with a quicker step. + +At last I entered the bedchamber of the general, and there I +overtook my friend. He was inspecting, with much attention, an +article of the great man's wardrobe which he held in his hand. It +was precisely that virile habiliment to which a well-known gallant +captain alludes in his conversation with the posthumous appearance +of Miss Bailey, as containing a Bank of England 5 pound note. + +"The general must have been a large man, George, or he would hardly +have filled these," said Mr. Horne, holding up to the light the +respectable leathern articles in question. "He must have been a +very large man,--the largest man in Antwerp, I should think; or else +his tailor has done him more than justice." + +They were certainly large, and had about them a charming regimental +military appearance. They were made of white leather, with bright +metal buttons at the knees and bright metal buttons at the top. +They owned no pockets, and were, with the exception of the +legitimate outlet, continuous in the circumference of the waistband. +No dangling strings gave them an appearance of senile imbecility. +Were it not for a certain rigidity, sternness, and mental +inflexibility,--we will call it military ardour,--with which they +were imbued, they would have created envy in the bosom of a fox- +hunter. + +Mr. Horne was no fox-hunter, but still he seemed to be irresistibly +taken with the lady-like propensity of wishing to wear them. +"Surely, George," he said, "the general must have been a stouter man +than I am"--and he contemplated his own proportions with +complacency--"these what's-the-names are quite big enough for me." + +I differed in opinion, and was obliged to explain that I thought he +did the good living of Ollerton insufficient justice. + +"I am sure they are large enough for me," he repeated, with +considerable obstinacy. I smiled incredulously; and then to settle +the matter he resolved that he would try them on. Nobody had been +in these rooms for the last hour, and it appeared as though they +were never visited. Even the guide had not come on with us, but was +employed in showing other parties about the fortifications. It was +clear that this portion of the building was left desolate, and that +the experiment might be safely made. So the sportive rector +declared that he would for a short time wear the regimentals which +had once contained the valorous heart of General Chasse. + +With all decorum the Rev. Mr. Horne divested himself of the work of +the London artist's needle, and, carefully placing his own garments +beyond the reach of dust, essayed to fit himself in military garb. + +At that important moment--at the critical instant of the attempt-- +the clatter of female voices was heard approaching the chamber. +They must have suddenly come round some passage corner, for it was +evident by the sound that they were close upon us before we had any +warning of their advent. At this very minute Mr. Horne was somewhat +embarrassed in his attempts, and was not fully in possession of his +usual active powers of movement, nor of his usual presence of mind. +He only looked for escape; and seeing a door partly open, he with +difficulty retreated through it, and I followed him. We found that +we were in a small dressing-room; and as by good luck the door was +defended by an inner bolt, my friend was able to protect himself. + +"There shall be another siege, at any rate as stout as the last, +before I surrender," said he. + +As the ladies seemed inclined to linger in the room it became a +matter of importance that the above-named articles should fit, not +only for ornament but for use. It was very cold, and Mr. Horne was +altogether unused to move in a Highland sphere of life. But alas, +alas! General Chasse had not been nurtured in the classical +retirement of Ollerton. The ungiving leather would stretch no point +to accommodate the divine, though it had been willing to minister to +the convenience of the soldier. Mr. Horne was vexed and chilled; +and throwing the now hateful garments into a corner, and protecting +himself from the cold as best he might by standing with his knees +together and his body somewhat bent so as to give the skirts of his +coat an opportunity of doing extra duty, he begged me to see if +those jabbering females were not going to leave him in peace to +recover his own property. I accordingly went to the door, and +opening it to a small extent I peeped through. + +Who shall describe my horror at the sight which I then saw? The +scene, which had hitherto been tinted with comic effect, was now +becoming so decidedly tragic that I did not dare at once to acquaint +my worthy pastor with that which was occurring,--and, alas! had +already occurred. + +Five country-women of our own--it was easy to know them by their +dress and general aspect--were standing in the middle of the room; +and one of them, the centre of the group, the senior harpy of the +lot, a maiden lady--I could have sworn to that--with a red nose, +held in one hand a huge pair of scissors, and in the other--the +already devoted goods of my most unfortunate companion! Down from +the waistband, through that goodly expanse, a fell gash had already +gone through and through; and in useless, unbecoming disorder the +broadcloth fell pendant from her arm on this side and on that. At +that moment I confess that I had not the courage to speak to Mr. +Horne,--not even to look at him. + +I must describe that group. Of the figure next to me I could only +see the back. It was a broad back done up in black silk not of the +newest. The whole figure, one may say, was dumpy. The black silk +was not long, as dresses now are worn, nor wide in its skirts. In +every way it was skimpy, considering the breadth it had to cover; +and below the silk I saw the heels of two thick shoes, and enough to +swear by of two woollen stockings. Above the silk was a red and +blue shawl; and above that a ponderous, elaborate brown bonnet, as +to the materials of which I should not wish to undergo an +examination. Over and beyond this I could only see the backs of her +two hands. They were held up as though in wonder at that which the +red-nosed holder of the scissors had dared to do. + +Opposite to this lady, and with her face fully tamed to me, was a +kindly-looking, fat motherly woman, with light-coloured hair, not in +the best order. She was hot and scarlet with exercise, being +perhaps too stout for the steep steps of the fortress; and in one +hand she held a handkerchief, with which from time to time she wiped +her brow. In the other hand she held one of the extremities of my +friend's property, feeling--good, careful soul!--what was the +texture of the cloth. As she did so, I could see a glance of +approbation pass across her warm features. I liked that lady's +face, in spite of her untidy hair, and felt that had she been alone +my friend would not have been injured. + +On either side of her there stood a flaxen-haired maiden, with long +curls, large blue eyes, fresh red cheeks, an undefined lumpy nose, +and large good-humoured mouth. They were as like as two peas, only +that one was half an inch taller than the other; and there was no +difficulty in discovering, at a moment's glance, that they were the +children of that over-heated matron who was feeling the web of my +friend's cloth. + +But the principal figure was she who held the centre place in the +group. She was tall and thin, with fierce-looking eyes, rendered +more fierce by the spectacles which she wore; with a red nose as I +said before; and about her an undescribable something which quite +convinced me that she had never known--could never know--aught of +the comforts of married life. It was she who held the scissors and +the black garments. It was she who had given that unkind cut. As I +looked at her she whisked herself quickly round from one companion +to the other, triumphing in what she had done, and ready to triumph +further in what she was about to do. I immediately conceived a deep +hatred for that Queen of the Harpies. + +"Well, I suppose they can't be wanted again," said the mother, +rubbing her forehead. + +"Oh dear no!" said she of the red nose. "They are relics!" I +thought to leap forth; but for what purpose should I have leaped? +The accursed scissors had already done their work; and the symmetry, +nay, even the utility of the vestment was destroyed. + +"General Chasse wore a very good article;--I will say that for him," +continued the mother. + +"Of course he did!" said the Queen Harpy. "Why should he not, +seeing that the country paid for it for him? Well, ladies, who's +for having a bit?" + +"Oh my! you won't go for to cut them up," said the stout back. + +"Won't I," said the scissors; and she immediately made another +incision. "Who's for having a bit? Don't all speak at once." + +"I should like a morsel for a pincushion," said flaxen-haired Miss +No. 1, a young lady about nineteen, actuated by a general affection +for all sword-bearing, fire-eating heroes. "I should like to have +something to make me think of the poor general!" + +Snip, snip went the scissors with professional rapidity, and a round +piece was extracted from the back of the calf of the left leg. I +shuddered with horror; and so did the Rev. Augustus Horne with cold. + +"I hardly think it's proper to cut them up," said Miss No. 2. + +"Oh isn't it?" said the harpy. "Then I'll do what's improper!" And +she got her finger and thumb well through the holes in the scissors' +handles. As she spoke resolution was plainly marked on her brow. + +"Well, if they are to be cut up, I should certainly like a bit for a +pen-wiper," said No. 2. No. 2 was a literary young lady with a +periodical correspondence, a journal, and an album. Snip, snip went +the scissors again, and the broad part of the upper right division +afforded ample materials for a pen-wiper. + +Then the lady with the back, seeing that the desecration of the +article had been completed, plucked up heart of courage and put in +her little request; "I think I might have a needle-case out of it," +said she, "just as a suvneer of the poor general"--and a long +fragment cut rapidly out of the waistband afforded her unqualified +delight. + +Mamma, with the hot face and untidy hair, came next. "Well, girls," +she said, "as you are all served, I don't see why I'm to be left +out. Perhaps, Miss Grogram"--she was an old maid, you see-- +"perhaps, Miss Grogram, you could get me as much as would make a +decent-sized reticule." + +There was not the slightest difficulty in doing this. The harpy in +the centre again went to work, snip, snip, and extracting from that +portion of the affairs which usually sustained the greater portion +of Mr. Horne's weight two large round pieces of cloth, presented +them to the well-pleased matron. "The general knew well where to +get a bit of good broadcloth, certainly," said she, again feeling +the pieces. + +"And now for No. 1," said she whom I so absolutely hated; "I think +there is still enough for a pair of slippers. There's nothing so +nice for the house as good black cloth slippers that are warm to the +feet and don't show the dirt." And so saying, she spread out on the +floor the lacerated remainders. + +"There's a nice bit there," said young lady No. 2, poking at one of +the pockets with the end of her parasol. + +"Yes," said the harpy, contemplating her plunder. "But I'm thinking +whether I couldn't get leggings as well. I always wear leggings in +the thick of the winter." And so she concluded her operations, and +there was nothing left but a melancholy skeleton of seams and +buttons. + +All this having been achieved, they pocketed their plunder and +prepared to depart. There are people who have a wonderful appetite +for relics. A stone with which Washington had broken a window when +a boy--with which he had done so or had not, for there is little +difference; a button that was on a coat of Napoleon's, or on that of +one of his lackeys; a bullet said to have been picked up at Waterloo +or Bunker's Hill; these, and suchlike things are great treasures. +And their most desirable characteristic is the ease with which they +are attained. Any bullet or any button does the work. Faith alone +is necessary. And now these ladies had made themselves happy and +glorious with "Relics" of General Chasse cut from the ill-used +habiliments of an elderly English gentleman! + +They departed at last, and Mr. Horne, for once in an ill humour, +followed me into the bedroom. Here I must be excused if I draw a +veil over his manly sorrow at discovering what fate had done for +him. Remember what was his position, unclothed in the Castle of +Antwerp! The nearest suitable change for those which had been +destroyed was locked up in his portmanteau at the Hotel de Belle Rue +in Brussels! He had nothing left to him--literally nothing, in that +Antwerp world. There was no other wretched being wandering then in +that Dutch town so utterly denuded of the goods of life. For what +is a man fit,--for what can he be fit,--when left in such a +position? There are some evils which seem utterly to crush a man; +and if there be any misfortune to which a man may be allowed to +succumb without imputation on his manliness, surely it is such as +this. How was Mr. Horne to return to his hotel without incurring +the displeasure of the municipality? That was my first thought. + +He had a cloak, but it was at the inn; and I found that my friend +was oppressed with a great horror at the idea of being left alone; +so that I could not go in search of it. There is an old saying, +that no man is a hero to his valet de chambre, the reason doubtless +being this, that it is customary for his valet to see the hero +divested of those trappings in which so much of the heroic consists. +Who reverences a clergyman without his gown, or a warrior without +his sword and sabre-tasche? What would even Minerva be without her +helmet? + +I do not wish it to be understood that I no longer reverenced Mr. +Horne because he was in an undress; but he himself certainly lost +much of his composed, well-sustained dignity of demeanour. He was +fearful and querulous, cold, and rather cross. When, forgetting his +size, I offered him my own, he thought that I was laughing at him. +He began to be afraid that the story would get abroad, and he then +and there exacted a promise that I would never tell it during his +lifetime. I have kept my word; but now my old friend has been +gathered to his fathers, full of years. + +At last I got him to the hotel. It was long before he would leave +the castle, cloaked though he was;--not, indeed, till the shades of +evening had dimmed the outlines of men and things, and made +indistinct the outward garniture of those who passed to and fro in +the streets. Then, wrapped in his cloak, Mr. Horne followed me +along the quays and through the narrowest of the streets; and at +length, without venturing to return the gaze of any one in the hotel +court, he made his way up to his own bedroom. + +Dinnerless and supperless he went to his couch. But when there he +did consent to receive some consolation in the shape of mutton +cutlets and fried potatoes, a savory omelet, and a bottle of claret. +The mutton cutlets and fried potatoes at the Golden Fleece at +Antwerp are--or were then, for I am speaking now of well-nigh thirty +years since--remarkably good; the claret, also, was of the best; and +so, by degrees, the look of despairing dismay passed from his face, +and some scintillations of the old fire returned to his eyes. + +"I wonder whether they find themselves much happier for what they +have got?" said he. + +"A great deal happier," said I. "They'll boast of those things to +all their friends at home, and we shall doubtless see some account +of their success in the newspapers." + +"It would be delightful to expose their blunder,--to show them up. +Would it not, George? To turn the tables on them?" + +"Yes," said I, "I should like to have the laugh against them." + +"So would I, only that I should compromise myself by telling the +story. It wouldn't do at all to have it told at Oxford with my name +attached to it." + +To this also I assented. To what would I not have assented in my +anxiety to make him happy after his misery? + +But all was not over yet. He was in bed now, but it was necessary +that he should rise again on the morrow. At home, in England, what +was required might perhaps have been made during the night; but +here, among the slow Flemings, any such exertion would have been +impossible. Mr. Horne, moreover, had no desire to be troubled in +his retirement by a tailor. + +Now the landlord of the Golden Fleece was a very stout man,--a very +stout man indeed. Looking at him as he stood with his hands in his +pockets at the portal of his own establishment, I could not but +think that he was stouter even than Mr. Horne. But then he was +certainly much shorter, and the want of due proportion probably +added to his unwieldy appearance. I walked round him once or twice +wishfully, measuring him in my eye, and thinking of what texture +might be the Sunday best of such a man. The clothes which he then +had on were certainly not exactly suited to Mr. Horne's tastes. + +He saw that I was observing him, and appeared uneasy and offended. +I had already ascertained that he spoke a little English. Of +Flemish I knew literally nothing, and in French, with which probably +he was also acquainted, I was by no means voluble. The business +which I had to transact was intricate, and I required the use of my +mother-tongue. + +It was intricate and delicate, and difficult withal. I began by +remarking on the weather, but he did not take my remarks kindly. I +am inclined to fancy that he thought I was desirous of borrowing +money from him. At any rate he gave me no encouragement in my first +advances. + +"Vat misfortune?" at last he asked, when I had succeeded in making +him understand that a gentleman up stairs required his assistance. + +"He has lost these things," and I took hold of my own garments. +"It's a long story, or I'd tell you how; but he has not a pair in +the world till he gets back to Brussels,--unless you can lend him +one." + +"Lost hees br-?" and he opened his eyes wide, and looked at me with +astonishment. + +"Yes, yes, exactly so," said I, interrupting him. "Most astonishing +thing, isn't it? But it's quite true." + +"Vas hees money in de pocket?" asked my auspicious landlord. + +"No, no, no. It's not so bad as that, his money is all right. I +had the money, luckily." + +"Ah! dat is better. But he have lost hees b-?" + +"Yes, yes;" I was now getting rather impatient. "There is no +mistake about it. He has lost them as sure as you stand there." +And then I proceeded to explain that as the gentleman in question +was very stout, and as he, the landlord, was stoat also, he might +assist us in this great calamity by a loan from his own wardrobe. + +When he found that the money was not in the pocket, and that his +bill therefore would be paid, he was not indisposed to be gracious. +He would, he said, desire his servant to take up what was required +to Mr. Horne's chamber. I endeavoured to make him understand that a +sombre colour would be preferable; but he only answered that he +would put the best that he had at the gentleman's disposal. He +could not think of offering anything less than his best on such an +occasion. And then he turned his back and went his way, muttering +as he went something in Flemish, which I believed to be an +exclamation of astonishment that any man should, under any +circumstances, lose such an article. + +It was now getting late; so when I had taken a short stroll by +myself, I went to bed without disturbing Mr. Horne again that night. +On the following morning I thought it best not to go to him unless +he sent for me; so I desired the boots to let him know that I had +ordered breakfast in a private room, and that I would await him +there unless he wished to see me. He sent me word back to say that +he would be with me very shortly. + +He did not keep me waiting above half an hour, but I confess that +that half hour was not pleasantly spent. I feared that his temper +would be tried in dressing, and that he would not be able to eat his +breakfast in a happy state of mind. So that when I heard his heavy +footstep advancing along the passage my heart did misgive me, and I +felt that I was trembling. + +That step was certainly slower and more ponderous than usual. There +was always a certain dignity in the very sound of his movements, but +now this seemed to have been enhanced. To judge merely by the step +one would have said that a bishop was coming that way instead of a +prebendary. + +And then he entered. In the upper half of his august person no +alteration was perceptible. The hair was as regular and as graceful +as ever, the handkerchief as white, the coat as immaculate; but +below his well-filled waistcoat a pair of red plush began to shine +in unmitigated splendour, and continued from thence down to within +an inch above his knee; nor, as it appeared, could any pulling +induce them to descend lower. Mr. Horne always wore black silk +stockings,--at least so the world supposed, but it was now apparent +that the world had been wrong in presuming him to be guilty of such +extravagance. Those, at any rate, which he exhibited on the present +occasion were more economical. They were silk to the calf, but +thence upwards they continued their career in white cotton. These +then followed the plush; first two snowy, full-sized pillars of +white, and then two jet columns of flossy silk. Such was the +appearance, on that well-remembered morning, of the Rev. Augustus +Horne, as he entered the room in which his breakfast was prepared. + +I could see at a glance that a dark frown contracted his eyebrows, +and that the compressed muscles of his upper lip gave a strange +degree of austerity to his open face. He carried his head proudly +on high, determined to be dignified in spite of his misfortunes, and +advanced two steps into the room without a remark, as though he were +able to show that neither red plush nor black cloth could disarrange +the equal poise of his mighty mind! + +And after all what are a man's garments but the outward husks in +which the fruit is kept, duly tempered from the wind? + + +"The rank is but the guinea stamp, +The man's the gowd for a' that." + + +And is not the tailor's art as little worthy, as insignificant as +that of the king who makes + + +"A marquis, duke, and a' that"? + + +Who would be content to think that his manly dignity depended on his +coat and waistcoat, or his hold on the world's esteem on any other +garment of usual wear? That no such weakness soiled his mind Mr. +Horne was determined to prove; and thus he entered the room with +measured tread, and stern dignified demeanour. + +Having advanced two steps his eye caught mine. I do not know +whether he was moved by some unconscious smile on my part;--for in +truth I endeavoured to seem as indifferent as himself to the nature +of his dress;--or whether he was invincibly tickled by some inward +fancy of his own, but suddenly his advancing step ceased, a broad +flash of comic humour spread itself over his features, he retreated +with his back against the wall, and then burst out into an +immoderate roar of loud laughter. + +And I--what else could I then do but laugh? He laughed, and I +laughed. He roared, and I roared. He lifted up his vast legs to +view till the rays of the morning sun shone through the window on +the bright hues which he displayed; and he did not sit down to his +breakfast till he had in every fantastic attitude shown off to the +best advantage the red plush of which he had so recently become +proud. + +An Antwerp private cabriolet on that day reached the yard of the +Hotel de Belle Vue at about 4 p.m., and four waiters, in a frenzy of +astonishment, saw the Reverend Augustus Horne descend from the +vehicle and seek his chamber dressed in the garments which I have +described. But I am inclined to think that he never again favoured +any of his friends with such a sight. + +It was on the next evening after this that I went out to drink tea +with two maiden ladies, relatives of mine, who kept a seminary for +English girls at Brussels. The Misses Macmanus were very worthy +women, and earned their bread in an upright, painstaking manner. I +would not for worlds have passed through Brussels without paying +them this compliment. They were, however, perhaps a little dull, +and I was aware that I should not probably meet in their drawing- +room many of the fashionable inhabitants of the city. Mr. Horne had +declined to accompany me; but in doing so he was good enough to +express a warm admiration for the character of my worthy cousins. + +The elder Miss Macmanus, in her little note, had informed me that +she would have the pleasure of introducing me to a few of my +"compatriots." I presumed she meant Englishmen; and as I was in the +habit of meeting such every day of my life at home, I cannot say +that I was peculiarly elevated by the promise. When, however, I +entered the room, there was no Englishman there;--there was no man +of any kind. There were twelve ladies collected together with the +view of making the evening pass agreeably to me, the single virile +being among them all. I felt as though I were a sort of Mohammed in +Paradise; but I certainly felt also that the Paradise was none of my +own choosing. + +In the centre of the amphitheatre which the ladies formed sat the +two Misses Macmanus;--there, at least, they sat when they had +completed the process of shaking hands with me. To the left of +them, making one wing of the semicircle, were arranged the five +pupils by attending to whom the Misses Macmanus earned their living; +and the other wing consisted of the five ladies who had furnished +themselves with relics of General Chasse. They were my +"compatriots." + +I was introduced to them all, one after the other; but their names +did not abide in my memory one moment. I was thinking too much of +the singularity of the adventure, and could not attend to such +minutiae. That the red-rosed harpy was Miss Grogram, that I +remembered;--that, I may say, I shall never forget. But whether the +motherly lady with the somewhat blowsy hair was Mrs. Jones, or Mrs. +Green, or Mrs. Walker, I cannot now say. The dumpy female with the +broad back was always called Aunt Sally by the young ladies. + +Too much sugar spoils one's tea; I think I have heard that even +prosperity will cloy when it comes in overdoses; and a schoolboy has +been known to be overdone with jam. I myself have always been +peculiarly attached to ladies' society, and have avoided bachelor +parties as things execrable in their very nature. But on this +special occasion I felt myself to be that schoolboy;--I was +literally overdone with jam. My tea was all sugar, so that I could +not drink it. I was one among twelve. What could I do or say? The +proportion of alloy was too small to have any effect in changing the +nature of the virgin silver, and the conversation became absolutely +feminine. + +I must confess also that my previous experience as to these +compatriots of mine had not prejudiced me in their favour. I +regarded them with,--I am ashamed to say so, seeing that they were +ladies,--but almost with loathing. When last I had seen them their +occupation had reminded me of some obscene feast of harpies, or +almost of ghouls. They had brought down to the verge of desperation +the man whom of all men I most venerated. On these accounts I was +inclined to be taciturn with reference to them;--and then what could +I have to say to the Misses Macmanus's five pupils? + +My cousin at first made an effort or two in my favour, but these +efforts were fruitless. I soon died away into utter unrecognised +insignificance, and the conversation, as I have before said, became +feminine. And indeed that horrid Miss Grogram, who was, as it were, +the princess of the ghouls, nearly monopolised the whole of it. +Mamma Jones--we will call her Jones for the occasion--put in a word +now and then, as did also the elder and more energetic Miss +Macmanus. The dumpy lady with the broad back ate tea-cake +incessantly; the two daughters looked scornful, as though they were +above their company with reference to the five pupils; and the five +pupils themselves sat in a row with the utmost propriety, each with +her hands crossed on her lap before her. + +Of what they were talking at last I became utterly oblivious. They +had ignored me, going into realms of muslin, questions of maid- +servants, female rights, and cheap under-clothing; and I therefore +had ignored them. My mind had gone back to Mr. Horne and his +garments. While they spoke of their rights, I was thinking of his +wrongs; when they mentioned the price of flannel, I thought of that +of broadcloth. + +But of a sudden my attention was arrested. Miss Macmanus had said +something of the black silks of Antwerp, when Miss Grogram replied +that she had just returned from that city and had there enjoyed a +great success. My cousin had again asked something about the black +silks, thinking, no doubt, that Miss Grogram had achieved some +bargain, but that lady had soon undeceived her. + +"Oh no," said Miss Grogram, "it was at the castle. We got such +beautiful relics of General Chasse! Didn't we, Mrs. Jones?" + +"Indeed we did," said Mrs. Jones, bringing out from beneath the +skirts of her dress and ostensibly displaying a large black bag. + +"And I've got such a beautiful needle-case," said the broad-back, +displaying her prize. "I've been making it up all the morning." +And she handed over the article to Miss Macmanus. + +"And only look at this duck of a pen-wiper," simpered flaxen-hair +No. 2. "Only think of wiping one's pens with relics of General +Chasse!" and she handed it over to the other Miss Macmanus. + +"And mine's a pin-cushion," said No. 1, exhibiting the trophy. + +"But that's nothing to what I've got," said Miss Grogram. "In the +first place, there's a pair of slippers,--a beautiful pair;--they're +not made up yet, of course; and then--" + +The two Misses Macmanus and their five pupils were sitting open- +eared, open-eyed, and open-mouthed. How all these sombre-looking +articles could be relics of General Chasse did not at first appear +clear to them. + +"What are they, Miss Grogram?" said the elder Miss Macmanus, holding +the needle-case in one hand and Mrs. Jones's bag in the other. Miss +Macmanus was a strong-minded female, and I reverenced my cousin when +I saw the decided way in which she intended to put down the greedy +arrogance of Miss Grogram. + +"They are relics." + +"But where do they come from, Miss Grogram?" + +"Why, from the castle, to be sure;--from General Chasse's own +rooms." + +"Did anybody sell them to you?" + +"No." + +"Or give them to you?" + +"Why, no;--at least not exactly give." + +"There they were, and she took 'em," said the broad-back. Oh, what +a look Miss Grogram gave her! "Took them! of course I took them. +That is, you took them as much as I did. They were things that we +found lying about." + +"What things?" asked Miss Macmanus, in a peculiarly strong-minded +tone. + +Miss Grogram seemed to be for a moment silenced. I had been +ignored, as I have said, and my existence forgotten; but now I +observed that the eyes of the culprits were turned towards me,--the +eyes, that is, of four of them. Mrs. Jones looked at me from +beneath her fan; the two girls glanced at me furtively, and then +their eyes fell to the lowest flounces of their frocks. + +Miss Grogram turned her spectacles right upon me, and I fancied that +she nodded her head at me as a sort of answer to Miss Macmanus. The +five pupils opened their mouths and eyes wider; but she of the broad +back was nothing abashed. It would have been nothing to her had +there been a dozen gentlemen in the room. "We just found a pair of +black--." The whole truth was told in the plainest possible +language. + +"Oh, Aunt Sally!" "Aunt Sally, how can you?" "Hold your tongue, +Aunt Sally!" + +"And then Miss Grogram just cut them up with her scissors," +continued Aunt Sally, not a whit abashed, "and gave us each a bit, +only she took more than half for herself." It was clear to me that +there had been some quarrel, some delicious quarrel, between Aunt +Sally and Miss Grogram. Through the whole adventure I had rather +respected Aunt Sally. "She took more than half for herself," +continued Aunt Sally. "She kept all the--" + +"Jemima," said the elder Miss Macmanus, interrupting the speaker and +addressing her sister, "it is time, I think, for the young ladies to +retire. Will you be kind enough to see them to their rooms?" The +five pupils thereupon rose from their seats--and courtesied. They +then left the room in file, the younger Miss Macmanus showing them +the way. + +"But we haven't done any harm, have we?" asked Mrs. Jones, with some +tremulousness in her voice. + +"Well, I don't know," said Miss Macmanus. "What I'm thinking of now +is this;--to whom, I wonder, did the garments properly belong? Who +had been the owner and wearer of them?" + +"Why, General Chasse of course," said Miss Grogram. + +"They were the general's," repeated the two young ladies; blushing, +however, as they alluded to the subject. + +"Well, we thought they were the general's, certainly; and a very +excellent article they were," said Mrs. Jones. + +"Perhaps they were the butler's?" said Aunt Sally. I certainly had +not given her credit for so much sarcasm. + +"Butler's!" exclaimed Miss Grogram, with a toss of her head. + +"Oh, Aunt Sally, Aunt Sally! how can you?" shrieked the two young +ladies. + +"Oh laws!" ejaculated Mrs. Jones. + +"I don't think that they could have belonged to the butler," said +Miss Macmanus, with much authority, "seeing that domestics in this +country are never clad in garments of that description; so far my +own observation enables me to speak with certainty. But it is +equally sure that they were never the property of the general lately +in command at Antwerp. Generals, when they are in full dress, wear +ornamental lace upon their--their regimentals; and when--" So much +she said, and something more, which it may be unnecessary that I +should repeat; but such were her eloquence and logic that no doubt +would have been left on the mind of any impartial hearer. If an +argumentative speaker ever proved anything, Miss Macmanus proved +that General Chasse had never been the wearer of the article in +question. + +"But I know very well they were his!" said Miss Grogram, who was not +an impartial hearer. "Of course they were; whose else's should they +be?" + +"I'm sure I hope they were his," said one of the young ladies, +almost crying. + +"I wish I'd never taken it," said the other. + +"Dear, dear, dear!" said Mrs. Jones. + +"I'll give you my needle-case, Miss Grogram," said Aunt Sally. + +I had sat hitherto silent during the whole scene, meditating how +best I might confound the red-nosed harpy. Now, I thought, was the +time for me to strike in. + +"I really think, ladies, that there has been some mistake," said I. + +"There has been no mistake at all, sir!" said Miss Grogram. + +"Perhaps not," I answered, very mildly; "very likely not. But some +affair of a similar nature was very much talked about in Antwerp +yesterday." + +"Oh laws!" again ejaculated Mrs. Jones. + +"The affair I allude to has been talked about a good deal, +certainly," I continued. "But perhaps it may be altogether a +different circumstance." + +"And what may be the circumstance to which you allude?" asked Miss +Macmanus, in the same authoritative tone. + +"I dare say it has nothing to do with these ladies," said I; "but an +article of dress, of the nature they have described, was cut up in +the Castle of Antwerp on the day before yesterday. It belonged to a +gentleman who was visiting the place; and I was given to understand +that he is determined to punish the people who have wronged him." + +"It can't be the same," said Miss Grogram; but I could see that she +was trembling. + +"Oh laws! what will become of us?" said Mrs. Jones. + +"You can all prove that I didn't touch them, and that I warned her +not," said Aunt Sally. In the mean time the two young ladies had +almost fainted behind their fans. + +"But how had it come to pass," asked Miss Macmanus, "that the +gentleman had--" + +"I know nothing more about it, cousin," said I; "only it does seem +that there is an odd coincidence." + +Immediately after this I took my leave. I saw that I had avenged my +friend, and spread dismay in the hearts of these who had injured +him. I had learned in the course of the evening at what hotel the +five ladies were staying; and in the course of the next morning I +sauntered into the hall, and finding one of the porters alone, asked +if they were still there. The man told me that they had started by +the earliest diligence. "And," said he, "if you are a friend of +theirs, perhaps you will take charge of these things, which they +have left behind them?" So saying, he pointed to a table at the +back of the hall, on which were lying the black bag, the black +needle-case, the black pin cushion, and the black pen-wiper. There +was also a heap of fragments of cloth which I well knew had been +intended by Miss Grogram for the comfort of her feet and ancles. + +I declined the commission, however. "They were no special friends +of mine," I said; and I left all the relics still lying on the +little table in the back hall. + +"Upon the whole, I am satisfied!" said the Rev. Augustus Horne, when +I told him the finale of the story. + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg Etext Relics of General Chasse, by Anthony Trollope + |