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diff --git a/37068-h/37068-h.htm b/37068-h/37068-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f0c5c5c --- /dev/null +++ b/37068-h/37068-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2931 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" +"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en" xml:lang="en"> + <head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> +<title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of Successward, by Edward W. Bok. +</title> +<style type="text/css"> + p {margin-top:.2em;text-align:justify;margin-bottom:.2em;text-indent:2%;} + +.c {text-align:center;text-indent:0%;} + +.cb {text-align:center;text-indent:0%;font-weight:bold;} + +.letra {float:left;margin-top:-.25%;padding:.25%;} + +.nind {text-indent:0%;} + +.r {text-align:right;margin-right:25%;} + +small {font-size:70%;} + + h1,h3 {margin-top:15%;text-align:center;clear:both;} + + hr.full {width:100%;margin:5% auto 5% auto;border:4px double gray;} + + table {margin-left:auto;margin-right:auto;border:none;text-align:left;} + + body{margin-left:2%;margin-right:2%;background:#fdfdfd;color:black;font-family:"Times New Roman", serif;font-size:medium;} + +a:link {background-color:#ffffff;color:blue;text-decoration:none;} + + link {background-color:#ffffff;color:blue;text-decoration:none;} + +a:visited {background-color:#ffffff;color:purple;text-decoration:none;} + +a:hover {background-color:#ffffff;color:#FF0000;text-decoration:underline;} + +.smcap {font-variant:small-caps;font-size:95%;} + + img {border:none;} + +.figcenter {margin:auto;text-align:center;text-indent:0%;} +</style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Successward, by Edward W. Bok + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Successward + A Young Man's Book for Young Men + +Author: Edward W. Bok + +Release Date: August 14, 2011 [EBook #37068] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SUCCESSWARD *** + + + + +Produced by Chuck Greif and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images available at The Internet Archive) + + + + + + +</pre> + +<hr class="full" /> + +<p class="cb">SUCCESSWARD</p> + +<p> +<br /> +<br /> +</p> + +<p class="figcenter"><a href="images/ill_cover_lg.jpg"> +<img src="images/ill_cover.jpg" width="357" height="550" alt="image of the book's cover" title="image of the book's cover" /></a> +</p> + +<p><a name="page_001" id="page_001"></a></p> + +<p><a name="page_002" id="page_002"></a></p> + +<p><a name="page_003" id="page_003"></a></p> + +<h1>SUCCESSWARD<br /> +<small>A YOUNG MAN'S BOOK FOR YOUNG MEN</small></h1> + +<p> +<br /> +<br /> +</p> + +<p class="cb">BY<br /> +<br /> +<big>EDWARD W. BOK</big></p> + +<p> +<br /> +<br /> +</p> + +<p class="figcenter"> +<img src="images/ill_logo.jpg" width="74" height="110" alt="colophon" title="colophon" /> +</p> + +<p> +<br /> +<br /> +</p> + +<p class="cb">FLEMING H. REVELL COMPANY<br /> +NEW YORK <span style="margin-left: 2em;">CHICAGO</span> <span style="margin-left: 2em;">TORONTO</span><br /> +1895</p> + +<p><a name="page_004" id="page_004"></a></p> + +<p> +<br /> +<br /> +</p> + +<p class="c"><small>Copyright, 1895,<br /> +by<br /> +FLEMING H. REVELL COMPANY.</small></p> + +<p><a name="page_005" id="page_005"></a></p> + +<p> +<br /> +<br /> +</p> + +<p class="cb"><small>TO</small><br /> +CLARENCE CARY,<br /> +<small>MY ADVISER AND MY FRIEND, WHEN ADVISERS<br /> +I HAD NONE AND FRIENDS<br /> +WERE FEW,<br /> +I INSCRIBE THIS, MY FIRST BOOK.</small></p> + +<p><a name="page_006" id="page_006"></a></p> + +<p><a name="page_007" id="page_007"></a></p> + +<h3>A FEW PREFATORY WORDS</h3> + +<p class="nind"><span class="letra"><img src="images/ill-t.jpg" width="73" +height="70" alt="T" title="T" /></span>HE average young man is apt to think that success is not for him. To +his mind it is a gift to the few, not to the many. "The rich, the +fortunate—they are the only people who can be successful," is the way +one young fellow recently expressed it to me, and he thought as many do. +It is this wrong conception of success which this book aims to remove. +It has no other purpose save to show that success—and the truest and +best success—is possible to any young man of honorable motives. The +subject is not new, I know. All that is hoped for from this book is that +it may have for young men a certain sense of nearness to their own lives +and thoughts, from the fact<a name="page_008" id="page_008"></a> that it is not written by a patriarch whose +young manhood is far behind him. It is written to young men by a young +man to whom the noise of the battle is not a recollection, but an +every-day living reality. He thinks he knows what a fight for success +means to a young fellow, and he writes with the smoke of the battle +around him and from the very thick of the fight.</p> + +<p class="r">E. W. B.</p> + +<p>P<small>HILADELPHIA, 1895.</small> <a name="page_009" id="page_009"></a></p> + +<h3><a name="CONTENTS" id="CONTENTS"></a>CONTENTS</h3> + +<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="2" summary=""> + +<tr><td colspan="2" align="center"><a href="#I">I</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="2" align="right"><small>PAGE</small></td></tr> + +<tr><td><span class="smcap">A Correct Knowledge of Himself</span></td><td align="right"><a href="#page_011">11</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="2" align="center"><br /><a href="#II">II</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td><span class="smcap">What, Really, is Success</span>?</td><td align="right"><a href="#page_023">23</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="2" align="center"><br /><a href="#III">III</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td><span class="smcap">The Young Man in Business</span></td><td align="right"><a href="#page_033">33</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="2" align="center"><br /><a href="#IV">IV</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td><span class="smcap">His Social Life and Amusements</span></td><td align="right"><a href="#page_069">69</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="2" align="center"><br /><a href="#V">V</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td>"<span class="smcap">Sowing his Wild Oats</span>"</td><td align="right"><a href="#page_097">97</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="2" align="center"><br /><a href="#VI">VI</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td><span class="smcap">In Matters of Dress</span></td><td align="right"><a href="#page_109">109</a><a name="page_010" id="page_010"></a></td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="2" align="center"><br /><a href="#VII">VII</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td><span class="smcap">His Religious Life</span></td><td align="right"><a href="#page_119">119</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="2" align="center"><br /><a href="#VIII">VIII</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td><span class="smcap">His Attitude Toward Women</span></td><td align="right"><a href="#page_137">137</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td colspan="2" align="center"><br /><a href="#IX">IX</a></td></tr> + +<tr><td><span class="smcap">The Question of Marriage</span></td><td align="right"><a href="#page_151">151</a></td></tr> +</table> + +<p><a name="page_011" id="page_011"></a></p> + +<p><a name="page_012" id="page_012"></a></p> + +<p><a name="page_013" id="page_013"></a></p> + +<h1>SUCCESSWARD</h1> + +<p class="cb">————</p> + +<h3><a name="I" id="I"></a>I<br /><br /> +A CORRECT KNOWLEDGE OF HIMSELF</h3> + +<p class="nind"><span class="letra"><img src="images/ill-t.jpg" width="73" +height="70" alt="T" title="T" /></span>HE first, the most essential, and the greatest element of success with +a young man starting out to make a career is a correct knowledge of +himself. He should, before he attempts anything, understand himself. He +should study himself. He should be sure that, no matter whom else he may +misunderstand, he has a correct knowledge of his own nature, his own +character, and his own capabilities. And it is because so few young men +have this knowledge of self that so many make disastrous<a name="page_014" id="page_014"></a> failures, or +fail in achieving what they set out for themselves at the beginning.</p> + +<p>Every man in this world is created differently; no two are alike. +Therefore, the nature, the thoughts, the character, the capacity of one +man is utterly unlike that of another. What one man can understand +another cannot. The success of one man indicates nothing to a second +man. What one is capable of doing is beyond the power of another. Hence +it is important that, first of all, a young man should look into +himself, find out what has been given him, and come to a clear +understanding of what he can do and what he cannot do.</p> + +<p>It is one of the most pitiable sights imaginable to see, as one does so +constantly, young men floundering and fluttering from one phase of life +to another, unable to fasten upon any one, simply because a knowledge of +themselves is absent. The result is that we see so many round men trying +to fit themselves into square holes.<a name="page_015" id="page_015"></a></p> + +<p>"But," some one will say, as asked a young fellow recently, "how in the +world do you get at an understanding of yourself? How do you go about +it?" No definite answer can be given to the question, any more than can +a certain rule be laid down. An understanding of one's self is reached +by different methods by different people, generally each method being +personal to one's self. But this much can be said: every thought, every +taste, every action, reveals ourselves to ourselves, and it is in the +expression of these that we best learn our natures and our characters. +We see ourselves with unmistakable accuracy, for example, in what we +most enjoy in reading, in the people whose company pleases us most, in +the things that interest us; and where our tastes and interest lead us +we are generally truest to ourselves.</p> + +<p>Some writer has said that most people find themselves out best while +they are at play, upon the basis that a man shows his real side in the +pleasures which he seeks and enjoys.<a name="page_016" id="page_016"></a> This is true in a large measure. +And the character of his pleasures will have both an indirect and a +direct bearing upon the more practical side of his nature. If a young +man visits an art gallery, for example, and finds that the pleasure he +derives from the pictures takes the form of recreation to the mind, that +he is delighted and interested in the canvases he sees so long as he is +before them, but feels simply refreshed after he leaves the gallery, it +is plain that his nature is not one suited to art as a vocation. He +employs the picture as a means of recreation from some other study which +has engrossed him most. If, on the other hand, his instincts lead him to +an art gallery, and he studies rather than enjoys the pictures that he +sees, is curious as to the methods of the artist, and goes away with his +mind charged with the intention of getting further knowledge of what he +has seen from books or other authorities, it is natural to assume that +the art instinct is within him, and he should give it the fullest<a name="page_017" id="page_017"></a> +chance of development. But he should in every way feel, realize, and +know that a love of art possesses him before he adopts it as a +profession. And thus, in a way, a young man has an opportunity to study +himself through his pleasures.</p> + +<p>If, as a further example, a young man finds himself seeking the company +of men older than himself, men of affairs of the world, is happiest when +he can be in their company and hear them talk of business, chooses the +reading of the lives of successful men as his literature, and leans +toward the practical side of life, finding more real enjoyment amid the +bustle of the mart than in the quiet of lane or park, the indications +are that his nature points him to a business career rather than to a +professional calling. If he feels this way, it is well for him to give +his developing tastes full play, and follow where his instincts lead +him. After a while what was at first a mere instinct or an unformed +taste will develop and point him to something<a name="page_018" id="page_018"></a> definite in the business +world, and if he be true to himself he will sooner or later find himself +in that particular position which he is best fitted to occupy and fill. +His capacities will reveal themselves to him, and they will teach him +his limitations. This knowledge need not thwart his ambitions, but I +believe that ambition should always be just a trifle behind judgment, if +possible, or, at all events, not in advance of it. Ambition is a +splendid quality if properly guided and kept within check; it is a fatal +possession when it is allowed too full development or sway. Like fire or +water, it is a capital servant, but it makes a poor master.</p> + +<p>I do not counsel, nor do I believe in, a blind following of one's self, +particularly during the formative years of life. But I do believe most +earnestly that every man is given a certain thing to do in the world, +and that, by a proper study of himself, he, and he alone, can arrive at +the clearest and surest knowledge of that particular object. I am a<a name="page_019" id="page_019"></a> +firm believer in the molding of character through the influence of +another; but my conviction is equally strong that every man is the +architect of his own fortune, and that his truest course in life is to +follow not the guidance of another, but his own instincts. In other +words, I think young men should, as early in life as possible, get into +touch with the idea of their own responsibility, and be taught the great +lesson that, however well others may advise, they, and they alone, must +carve out their own careers. The most successful careers, the most +honorable lives in the history of the world are those which have been +shaped by their own hands. There is an element of danger in this, of +course, but the element is small in comparison with the greater danger +which lies in the foundation of a character against one's own instincts.</p> + +<p>The aspirations of the young are not to be checked by the experience of +the old. No matter how rich or full a man's experience<a name="page_020" id="page_020"></a> may have been, +it counts only in a sense of general application to another career which +stands upon its threshold. Years should teach wisdom; but if we all +waited for years to bring us wisdom, this world would be a sorry place +to live in. Youthful imaginings may lead to mistakes, youthful +enthusiasm may encounter disappointment, but only experience, real and +actual, can demonstrate these things to a young man. And the experience +is good for him if it teaches him a better and truer knowledge of +himself and his capacities. The greatest figures in the world's history +show that they were made through experience, and what experience taught +them. This is not saying that the young have no use for the old. They +have. But the rule should be, "Young men for action, old men for +counsel." Experience looks backward; enthusiasm looks forward. And, as +between the two, enthusiasm is worth more than experience, since it is +the<a name="page_021" id="page_021"></a> former which is brave and strong and attempts the impossible. If we +attempted only the possible in this world we should soon stop where we +are; it is for the young man, with his enthusiasm, to battle with the +impossible and carry the world a step farther on in discovery, if not in +actual accomplishment.</p> + +<p>I say all this because I want every young fellow to feel that, to a +large extent, he stands alone for himself in the world. Counsel he may +seek and he should seek, but the action is his, and his alone. And to +make that action sure and wise it is necessary that the workman should +understand his tools. He must know with what he has to work; and once +sure of his tools, he must learn the thing he has set for himself to do, +having a distinct purpose in view, and, being fully conscious that he is +right and capable, not allowing himself to be swerved from his aim. +After acquiring true knowledge of himself, I<a name="page_022" id="page_022"></a> know of nothing so +valuable to a young man as an absolute distinctness of purpose, and then +pursuing that purpose to success. In natural sequence comes, therefore, +the question of "What, really, is success?"<a name="page_023" id="page_023"></a></p> + +<h3><a name="II" id="II"></a>II<br /><br /> +WHAT, REALLY, IS SUCCESS?</h3> + +<p><a name="page_024" id="page_024"></a></p> + +<p><a name="page_025" id="page_025"></a></p> + +<p class="nind"><span class="letra"><img src="images/ill-b.jpg" width="70" +height="70" alt="B" title="B" /></span>EFORE +a young man goes into business it is necessary, I think, that he +should set himself straight on one very important point, and that is +what success in business really is and means. Unfortunately, not enough +has been written on this phase of the topic. It is idle for a young man +to seek out the methods of success before he is really clear in his mind +just what constitutes success—until, in other words, he finds out the +true definition of the word. And very few of us have a proper and +correct conception of it. On the other hand, thousands of us have the +wrong notion.</p> + +<p>In this age of big things, particularly, we<a name="page_026" id="page_026"></a> are inclined to regard +success as synonymous only with the higher walks of life, with great +achievements. Success, in the minds of some, is something which is only +given for the fortunate to achieve. Or we think that if we cannot do +something which sets people talking or wondering about us, if our heads +do not tower above those of our fellow-beings, our lives, if not +altogether negative, are still not successful. In other words, we feel +that a successful life is the doing of something momentous; the becoming +known of all men and women; the being exceptional to the rest of the +human race. Ask ten people their idea of success, and I warrant that +eight will give a definition of it along these lines. And yet, when we +look at the matter closely and study it carefully, scarcely a more +incorrect interpretation of a successful life can be imagined. Along +this line of thought, not one person in ten thousand lives a successful +life, since statistics have informed us that it is only this percentage +of the<a name="page_027" id="page_027"></a> human race that is ever heard of outside of its immediate circle +of relatives and friends.</p> + +<p>It is given to very few of us to say something or perform some action +which will be heard of by the world. The greater part of the human race +dies as it is born, unknown and unheard of by the world at large. Where +you find one leader among men or women you will find a thousand who +prefer to follow. The instinct of leadership is rare—rare even in these +developing days. Hence, if success depended upon aggressive instinct, +its votaries would be few. Success is as ofttimes quietly won. I think +that young men are oftener misled by wrong notions of what constitutes +success than by how to achieve success as they understand it.</p> + +<p>The average young man's idea of success is like unto that of people of +older growth, as I hinted in a preceding paragraph—it means the +accomplishment of something great. He cannot understand that a +successful life is just as possible in an obscure<a name="page_028" id="page_028"></a> position as it is in +a conspicuous one. It does not seem plain to him that a clerk earning +five hundred dollars per year can make just as pronounced a success of +his life as can his employer, whose income is ten thousand dollars, or +even one hundred thousand dollars, per year. He is apt to measure +success by dollars, and here is the rock upon which so many young men +split. To be a successful subject is as great an achievement for the +subject as being a successful ruler is creditable to the ruler. Every +man born into the world has his limitations, and beyond that line it is +simply impossible for him to go. All of us know men capable of splendid +work so long as they are under direction, but who have either made or +would make absolute failures as directors. Other men chafe under +direction; they must be leaders. But success is as possible with the one +as with the other.</p> + +<p>The correct definition of success is the favorable termination of +anything attempted—a<a name="page_029" id="page_029"></a> termination, in other words, which answers the +purpose intended. The writing of a business letter can be made just as +great a success as can be the drafting of a presidential proclamation. +Success never depends upon conspicuity, and it never will. If we +accepted as the successful men of the time only those who are in +conspicuous places and of whom we know, we should narrow success down to +a very few. Great successes have been made as often in quiet ways as +with the blare of trumpets. A commercial success won on conservative +lines, and maintained by cautious and prudent methods, is the success +most highly regarded in the business world to-day. The meteoric +commercial flash, so admired by the average young man, seldom has a firm +foundation, and rarely commands the confidence of experienced business +men. The truest success is that which is earned slowly, but which surely +strengthens itself. Ostentation is never typical of a true success. It +is always a good<a name="page_030" id="page_030"></a> thing to remember that the vast majority of successful +men are never heard of. It is very important, therefore, that the first +thing for a young man going into business to learn is to disassociate +success from the more prominent walks in life, and get rid of that false +theory. When he does that, successful living will have a deeper, fuller, +and truer meaning for him. It will have for him then its correct +meaning: that success is possible in every position, and can be made the +possession of the humblest as well as the most powerful.</p> + +<p>A successful life is nothing more nor less than living as well as we +know how and doing the very best that we can. And upon that basis, which +is the only true basis, naturally no success can be measured by fame, +wealth, or station. Some of us must live for the few, as others again +must live for the many, just as some are born to occupy important +positions while others are intended for humbler places. But both lives +are successful.<a name="page_031" id="page_031"></a></p> + +<p>Let a young man be thoroughly fitted for the business position he +occupies, alert to every opportunity, and embracing it to its fullest +possibility, with his methods fixed on honorable principles, and he is a +successful man. It does not matter whether he makes a thousand dollars +or a hundred thousand dollars. He makes a success of his position. He +carries to a successful termination that which it has been given him to +do, be that great or small. If the work he does, and does well, is up to +his limitations, he is a success. If he does not work up to his +capacity, then he fails, just as he fails, too, if he attempts to go +beyond his mental or physical limit. There is just as much danger on one +side of man's limit-line as there is on the other. The very realization +of one's capacity is a sign of success. It is an old saying that it is a +wise man who knows when he has enough, and it is a successful man who +never goes beyond his depth in business. This is a truth which requires<a name="page_032" id="page_032"></a> +experience to see, perhaps, but it is a lesson which Success demands +that her votaries shall learn, and learn well. Success is simply doing +anything to the utmost of one's ability—making as much of one's +position as it is possible to make.</p> + +<p><a name="page_034" id="page_034"></a></p> + +<p><a name="page_035" id="page_035"></a><a name="page_033" id="page_033"></a></p> + +<h3><a name="III" id="III"></a>III<br /><br /> +THE YOUNG MAN IN BUSINESS</h3> + +<p class="nind"><span class="letra"><img src="images/ill-e.jpg" width="71" +height="72" alt="E" title="E" /></span>VERY one conversant with the business life of any of our cities, large +or small, will, I am sure, agree with me that more business +opportunities exist to-day than there are young men capable of embracing +them, and that the demand is far in excess of the supply. Positions of +trust are constantly going begging for the right kind of young men to +fill them. But the material does not exist, or, if it does, it certainly +has a most unfortunate way of hiding its light under a bushel; so much +so that business men cannot see even a glimmer of its rays. Let a +position of any real importance become open, and it is the most +difficult<a name="page_036" id="page_036"></a> kind of a problem to find any one to fill it satisfactorily. +Business men are constantly passing through this experience. Young men +are desired in the great majority of positions because of their +progressive ideas and capacity to endure work; in fact, "young blood," +as it is called, is preferred nowadays in nine positions out of every +ten. The young men capable of filling these positions are few. For the +most part, the average young man is incapable, or, if he be not exactly +incapable (I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt), he is +unwilling, which is even worse. That exceptions can be brought up to +controvert this statement I know; but in these remarks I am dealing with +the many, and not with the few. It is the exception that we find in +business to-day a young man who is something more than a plodder—a mere +automatic machine. As a general rule, the average young man comes to his +office at nine o'clock in the morning; is faithful in the duties he +performs; goes to<a name="page_037" id="page_037"></a> lunch at twelve; comes back at one; takes up whatever +he is told to do until five, and then goes home. His work for the day is +done. One day is the same to him as another; he has a certain routine of +duties to do, and he does them day in and day out, month in and month +out. His duties are regulated by the clock. As that points, so he +points. Verily it is true of him that he is the same yesterday, to-day, +and forever. No special fault can be found with his work. Given a +particular piece of work to do, he does it just as a machine would. Such +a young man, too, generally considers himself hard-worked—often +overworked and under-paid—wondering all the time why his employer does +not recognize his value and advance his salary. "I do everything I am +told to do," he argues, "and I do it well. What more can I do?"</p> + +<p>This is simply a type of a young man who exists in thousands of offices +and stores. He comes to his work each day<a name="page_038" id="page_038"></a> with no definite point or +plan in view; he leaves it with nothing accomplished. He is a mere +automaton. Let him die, and his position can be filled in twenty-four +hours. If he detracts nothing from his employer's business he certainly +adds nothing to it. He never advances an idea; is absolutely devoid of +creative powers; his position remains the same after he has been in it +for five years as when he came to it.</p> + +<p>Now I would not for a moment be understood as belittling the value of +faithfulness in an employee. But, after all, faithfulness is nothing +more nor less than a negative quality. By faithfulness a man can hold a +position a lifetime. He will keep it just where he found it. But by the +exercise of this single quality he does not add to the importance of the +position any more than he adds to his own value. It is not enough that +it should be said of a young man that he is faithful; he must be +something more. The willingness and capacity to be faithful to the<a name="page_039" id="page_039"></a> +smallest detail must be there, serving only, however, as a foundation +upon which other qualities are built.</p> + +<p>Altogether too many young men are content to remain in the positions in +which they find themselves. The thought of studying the needs of the +next position just above them never seems to enter into their minds. I +believe it is possible for every young man to rise above his position, +and I care not how humble that position may be, nor under what +disadvantages he may be placed. But he must be alert. He must not be +afraid of work, and of the hardest kind of work. He must study not only +to please, but he must go a step beyond. It is essential, of course, +that he should first of all fill the position for which he is engaged. +No man can solve the problem of business before he understands the +rudiments of the problem itself. Once the requirements of a position are +understood and mastered, then its possibilities should be undertaken. It +is foolish to argue, as some<a name="page_040" id="page_040"></a> young men do, that to go beyond one's +special position is made impossible by an employer. The employer never +existed who will prevent the cream of his establishment from rising to +the surface. The advance of an employee always means the advance of the +employer's interest. Every employer would rather pay a young man five +thousand dollars a year than five hundred. What is to the young man's +interests is in a far greater degree to the interests of his employer. A +five-hundred-dollar clerkship is worth just that amount to an employer, +and nothing more. But a five-thousand-dollar man is fully worth five +times that sum to a business. A young man makes of a position exactly +what he chooses, either a millstone around his neck or a stepping-stone +to larger success. The possibilities lie in every position; seeing and +embracing them rest with its occupant. The lowest position can be so +filled as to lead up to the next and become a part of it. One position +should only be the chrysalis for the<a name="page_041" id="page_041"></a> development of new strength to +master the other just above it.</p> + +<p>A substantial success means several things. It calls, in the first +place, for concentration. There is no truth so potent as that which +tells us that we cannot serve God and Mammon. Nor can any young man +successfully serve two business interests, no matter how closely allied; +in fact, the more closely the interests the more dangerous are they. The +human mind is capable of just so much clear thought, and generally it +does not extend beyond the requirements of one position in these days of +keen competition. If there exists a secret of success, it lies, perhaps, +in concentration more than in any other single element. During business +hours a man should be in business. His thoughts should be on nothing +else. Diversions of thought are killing to the best endeavors. The +successful mastery of business questions calls for a personal interest, +a forgetfulness of self, that can only come from the closest +application<a name="page_042" id="page_042"></a> and the most absolute concentration. I go so far in my +belief of concentration to business interests in business hours as to +argue that a young man's personal letters have no right to come to his +office address, nor should he receive his social friends at his desk. +Business hours are none too long in the great majority of our offices, +and with a rest of one hour for luncheon, no one has a right to chop off +fifteen minutes here to read an irrelevant personal letter, or fifteen +minutes there to talk with a friend whose conversation distracts the +mind from the problems before it. Digression is just as dangerous as +stagnation in the career of a young man in business. There is absolutely +no position worth the having in business life to-day to which a care of +other interests can be added. Let a man attempt to serve the interests +of one master, and if he serves him well he has his hands and his head +full.</p> + +<p>There is a class of ambitious young men who have what they choose to +call "an anchor<a name="page_043" id="page_043"></a> to the windward" in their business; that is, they +maintain something in addition to their regular position. They do this +from necessity, they claim. One position does not offer sufficient scope +for their powers or talents, does not bring them sufficient income; they +are "forced," they explain, to take on something in addition. I have +known such young men. But so far as I have been able to discern, the +trouble does not lie so much with the position they occupy as with +themselves. When a man turns away from the position he holds to outside +affairs, he turns just so far away from the surest path of success. To +do one thing perfectly is better than to do two things only fairly well. +It was told me once, of one of our best-known actors, that outside of +his stage-knowledge he knew absolutely nothing. But he acted well—so +well that he stands to-day at the head of his profession, and has an +income of five figures several times over. All-around geniuses are +rare—so rare that<a name="page_044" id="page_044"></a> we can hardly find them. It is a pleasant thing to +be able to talk well on many topics; but, after all, that is but a +social accomplishment. To know one thing absolutely means material +success and commercial and mental superiority. I dare say that if some +of our young men understood the needs of the positions they occupy more +fully than they do, the necessity for outside work would not exist.</p> + +<p>Right in line with this phase of a young man's work comes the necessity +of his learning that he cannot do evening work and be employed the +entire day as well. It is the most difficult thing for ambitious young +men to understand that night-work is physically and mentally detrimental +to the best business success. Let a machine run night and day, and +before long it will break down; and what a mechanism of iron and steel +cannot bear, the human organism certainly cannot stand. If a young man +employs his evenings for work, he unfits himself for his work during the +day. The mind needs diversion,<a name="page_045" id="page_045"></a> recreation, rest; and any mentality kept +at a certain tension for more than seven or eight hours per day will +sooner or later lose its keen perceptive powers. No young man true to +his best and wisest interests will employ his evenings in the same line +of thought as that which engrosses him during the day. Mental work is +unlike manual labor in that it tires without physical exhaustion; and +because the worker does not feel it as much when he uses his head for +ten or twelve hours per day as he would if he used the muscles for that +period of time, he goes, nevertheless, unconsciously beyond his powers +of strength. Unknown to him, the strain leaves its mark upon the mind. +Youthful vigor throws its effects off for a while, but not permanently; +and a man's early breakdown when he should be at the zenith of his +powers in middle life is very often directly traceable to an overtaxing +of his powers in early life. But not only is the effect of a future +character; it is noticeable at the time of<a name="page_046" id="page_046"></a> the indiscretion. It is seen +in the inability of the mind to respond quickly to some suggestion at +the office; and how can it be otherwise when the mind has been worked +beyond its normal capacity? There is no question in my mind whatever +that a young man is untrue to the interests of his employer when he +allows himself to work during the evening hours. Although he may not be +conscious of it himself, he does not come to his work the following +morning as fresh as he might if the mind had been given a season of +diversion and rest.</p> + +<p>I know whereof I speak when I touch upon this subject. In common with +other young men who are wiser than their best advisers, I made the +mistake of evening work. For several years I gave up four or five +evenings of each week to literary work. My family, my best friends, my +physician, warned me to desist. But I knew better. Others, I conceded, +undoubtedly had suffered from what I was doing, but I should<a name="page_047" id="page_047"></a> not. I was +strong, young, and of excellent physique. I could stand it; others could +not; in fact, I was an exception to the rest of the human race. Two or +three years went by, and I was proud of proving to my advisers that I +was right and they were wrong. But suddenly, with scarce a warning, the +blow came. Irritability and nervousness came first; everything annoyed +me. The closing of a door, or the sudden entrance of a person into the +room, caused me to start. The harder I worked the less I seemed to +accomplish. I could not understand it. Then I began to lie awake for a +half-hour after I retired; after a while the half-hour lengthened into +an hour, then into two hours. Finally I had insomnia. After a bit my +digestion did not seem to be as regular; a heavy feeling possessed me +after eating. I was ordered away; stayed a week when I was told I should +remain for a month. But, of course, I knew better. And what is the +result? For the past three years I have suffered from<a name="page_048" id="page_048"></a> an indigestion as +constant as it is keen; and to-day I have to regulate my food, my hours, +and my habits, with the pleasing prospect that at least two years of +such living are ahead of me before I can hope for relief. And why? +Simply because of working, years ago, when I should have been resting. +But then I did not understand it. I do now, and I wish that every young +man who reads these words might profit by my error. I am fortunate to +get off with nothing more serious than indigestion, but even that +affliction has pains which only those who have suffered them can begin +to fully realize. Night-work, when employed in the day, does not pay; on +the contrary, it kills. I wish fervently and sincerely that five, eight, +or ten years ago I might have reached this point of wisdom. I did not, +but I write it now and here as a warning to young fellows who value +their health, their happiness, their peace of mind, and a comfortable +feeling in the pits of their stomachs.<a name="page_049" id="page_049"></a></p> + +<p>A fatal error in the case of many young men is that they reach a point +where they make no progress. Now stagnation in a young man's career is +but a synonym for starvation, since there is no such thing as standing +still in the business world of to-day. Either we go backward or we go +forward. When a young man fails to keep abreast of the possibilities of +his position he recedes constantly, if unconsciously, perhaps. The young +man who progresses is he who enters into the spirit of the business of +his employer, and who points out new methods to him, advances new ideas, +suggests new channels and outputs. There is not a more direct road to +the confidence of an employer than for that employer to see that any one +of his clerks understands the details of his business better than +himself. That young man commands the attention of his chief at once, and +when a vacancy occurs he is apt to step into it, if he does not forge +over the shoulders of others. Young men who think clearly, who<a name="page_050" id="page_050"></a> can +conceive, create, and carry out, are not so plentiful that even a single +one will be lost sight of. It is no special art, and it reflects but +little credit upon any man, to simply fill a position. That is expected +of him; he is engaged to do that, and it is only a fair return for a +certain payment made. The art lies in doing more than was bargained for; +in proving greater than was expected; in making more of a position than +has ever been made before. A quick conception is needed here, the +ability to view a broad horizon; for it is the liberal-minded man, not +the man of narrow limitations, who makes the success of to-day. A young +man showing such qualities to an employer does not remain in one +position long.</p> + +<p>Two traps in which young men in business often fall are a disregard for +small things, and an absolute fear of making mistakes. One of the surest +keys to success lies in thoroughness. No matter how great may be the +enterprise undertaken, a regard for<a name="page_051" id="page_051"></a> the small things is necessary. Just +as the little courtesies of every-day life make life worth the living, +so the little details form the bone and sinew of a great success. A +thing half or three-quarters done is worse than not done at all. Let a +man be careful of the small things in business, and he can generally be +relied upon for the greater ones, provided, of course, that he possesses +broadness of mind. The man who can overcome small worries is greater +than the man who can override great obstacles. When a young man becomes +so ambitious for large success that he overlooks the small things, he is +pretty apt to encounter failure. There is nothing in business so +infinitesimal that we can afford to do it in a slipshod fashion. It is +no art to answer twenty letters in a morning when they are, in reality, +only half answered. When we commend brevity in business letters we do +not mean brusqueness. Nothing stamps the character of a house so clearly +as the letters it sends out.<a name="page_052" id="page_052"></a></p> + +<p>The fear of making mistakes keeps many a young man down. Of course +errors in business are costly, and it is better not to make them. But, +at the same time, I would not give a snap of the finger for a young man +who has never made mistakes. But there are mistakes and mistakes; some +easy to be overlooked, and others it is better not to blink at in an +employee. A mistake of judgment is possible with us all; the best of us +are not above a wrong decision. And a young man who holds back for fear +of making mistakes loses the first point of success.</p> + +<p>I know there are thousands of young men who feel themselves incompetent +for a business career because of a lack of early education. And here +might come in—if I chose to discuss the subject, which I do not—the +oft-mooted question of the exact value of a college education to the +young man in business. Far abler pens than mine have treated of this; it +is certainly not for me to enter into it here. But I will say this: a +young<a name="page_053" id="page_053"></a> man need not feel that the lack of a college education will stand +in any respect whatever in the way of his success in the business world. +No college on earth ever made a business man. The knowledge acquired in +college has fitted thousands of men for professional success, but it has +also unfitted other thousands for a practical business career. A college +training is never wasted, although I have seen again and again +five-thousand-dollar educations spent on five-hundred-dollar men. Where +a young man can bring a college education to the requirements of a +practical business knowledge it is an advantage. But before our American +colleges become an absolute factor in the business capacities of men, +their methods of study and learning will have to be radically changed. I +have had associated with me both kinds of young men, collegiate and +non-collegiate, and I must confess that the ones who had a better +knowledge of the practical part of life have been those who<a name="page_054" id="page_054"></a> never saw +the inside of a college and whose feet never stood upon a campus. +College-bred men and men who never had college advantages have succeeded +in about equal ratios. The men occupying the most important commercial +positions in New York to-day are self-made, whose only education has +come to them from contact with that greatest college of all, the +business world. Far be it from me to depreciate the value of a college +education. I believe in its advantages too firmly. But no young man need +feel hampered because of the lack of it. If business qualities are in +him they will come to the surface. It is not the college education; it +is the young man. Without its possession as great and honorable +successes have been made as with it. Men are not accepted in the +business world upon their collegiate diplomas, nor on the knowledge +these imply. They are taken for what they are, for what they know.</p> + +<p>The young man engaged in business to-day<a name="page_055" id="page_055"></a> in this country has advantages +exceeding those of any generation before him. And I do not say this +simply as an echo of what others before me have said, or to use a +platitudinous phrase. There never was a time in the world's history when +a young man had the opportunity to make something of himself that he has +at the present day. He lives in a country where every success is +possible; where a man can make of himself what he may choose; where +energy and enterprise are appreciated, and a market is always ready for +good wares. Young men have forged to the front wonderfully during the +past ten years. Employers are more than ever willing to lay great +responsibilities on their shoulders. Salaries are higher than ever; +young men never before earned the incomes which are received by some +to-day. All success is possible.</p> + +<p>But a young man must be alert to every opportunity. He cannot forget +himself for a moment in business. A man's best working<a name="page_056" id="page_056"></a> years are not +many, and when they are upon him he must make hay, and all the hay he +can. No young man can afford to reach the age of thirty without feeling +that he is settled in a business way. Before that time he flounders; but +at thirty the floundering time should be over. He should have found that +special trade or profession for which he thinks he is most capable. This +age is generally accepted, I believe, for the reason that a man is most +likely to do his best work between thirty and forty; after forty a man's +work is not apt to have that energy and snap that is born of youth, and +the tendency is first shown in his willingness to deputize details to +others. I do not mean to say that a man begins to decline at forty; on +the contrary, he is at his prime, and he remains so for ten or fifteen +years. But he is better for judgment than he is for working out details. +A man's real work, his energetic work, his laborious work, is generally +done before he reaches thirty-five.<a name="page_057" id="page_057"></a></p> + +<p>And not only must he practically make himself between thirty and forty, +but he must not spend all that he earns. He must lay aside a goodly +portion of his earnings. It is a cruel but a hard fact that the business +world has very little use for what are termed old men nowadays; and in +these times of keen competitive strife a man is judged to be old very +early from the cold commercial point of view. He may not consider +himself as being old, but he is no longer considered to be "in the race" +with the younger men, who naturally have quicker perceptions and whose +sense of alertness is necessarily keener. The most successful man at +forty is very often the man who is quietly pushed aside at sixty. If +young men earning good incomes between thirty and forty would look a +little ahead, and consider the inevitable fact that as they grow older +their value is very apt to lessen in a commercial sense, they would save +themselves much after-humiliation and sorrowful retrospection. It is +hard for a young<a name="page_058" id="page_058"></a> man at, say, thirty-five, in the full flush and vigor +of manhood, to realize that a time will come when others as clever as +himself and a bit cleverer will pass him by. But the cold fact exists, +nevertheless, and he is wise who, at his prime, thinks of a time which +is almost sure to come to every man who lives.</p> + +<p>And yet, while a young man may be ambitious for success in business, he +cannot afford to get impatient or restless. Not long ago I received a +letter from a young fellow which particularly reflected the feeling that +I mean. He wrote me that he was twenty, and was impatient because he did +not make the progress in his business which he felt that he should. He +confessed that he was not so very much dissatisfied with his salary, +which was twenty-two dollars per week, although he thought it ought to +be forty dollars. Unfortunately for him, however, his employers did not +seem to think so, and he was quite sure he was "being kept back." He +conceded that he<a name="page_059" id="page_059"></a> was "becoming impatient," but insisted that he had +reason to feel so.</p> + +<p>Well, I felt precisely the same way when I was twenty; only my salary +was eighteen dollars and thirty-three cents per week, and I felt quite +sure that the figures ought to be reversed. And there were several +positions just beyond me, too, which I felt I should justly be asked to +occupy. But I was not, and, of course, I felt aggrieved. I considered +myself imposed upon. Now when I look back upon that time I can see that +the reason my salary was not thirty-three dollars and eighteen cents was +simply because I was incapable of earning that amount. I was not worth +it to my employer. And the reason I did not get those several positions +just ahead of me was because I could not have filled them if I had +gotten them—not one of them. But I am a little more than twenty now, +and my correspondent, when he is about ten years older, will understand +a great many<a name="page_060" id="page_060"></a> things that are not very clear to him just now. Of course +he probably will not choose to believe this; youths of twenty are not +apt to believe much that is told them, since they have so little to +learn!</p> + +<p>But, if I were back to twenty again, and, with my later knowledge, were +earning twenty-two dollars per week, I should not only be satisfied, but +I should be intensely thankful. I think, too, that the knowledge that +there were thousands of men of forty and fifty years who were not +earning as much would help me to endure the ordeal. I think that instead +of rebelling at the fact that I was earning twenty-two dollars, I should +rather devote my time to trying to find the best way of doubling it. I +might not be able to make twenty-five dollars for a year or two, but I +should endeavor to do so. In fact, if we look over the field, there are +more young men of twenty-one who are worth less than twenty-five dollars +per week than there are who are worth that or more.<a name="page_061" id="page_061"></a> And one proof of +this is found in the fact that in New York City alone there are tens of +thousands of young men at that age who are not earning eighteen dollars +per week. In addition to all this I might be tempted to believe that too +rapid advance might not be the best thing in the world for me. Too large +an income, even when deserved, is far often more of a hindrance to a +young man of twenty-one or thereabouts than a help. What I should feel +willing to do would be this: if I felt that my employer was a man of +honor and judgment I should leave myself in his hands for a while. I +should do him the courtesy of believing that he knew more than I did. A +man at fifty is sometimes apt to know more—if only a very little +more—than a boy of twenty; and if I had his confidence and felt that I +was pleasing him with my services, I should let him go at that—for a +time, at any rate.</p> + +<p>There are hundreds of young men in business to-day who feel just as +restless and<a name="page_062" id="page_062"></a> impatient as did this correspondent. But these young men +should bear a few things in mind. They should remember, first of all, +that between the years of twenty and twenty-five a young man acquires +rather than achieves. It is the learning period of life, the +experience-gaining time. Knowledge that is worth anything does not come +to us until we are past twenty-five. The mind before that age is +incapable of forming wise judgments. The great art of accurate decision +in business matters is not acquired in a few weeks of commercial life. +It is the result of years. It is not only the power within himself, but +the experience behind him, that makes a successful business man. The +commercial world is only a greater school than the one of slates and +slate-pencils. No boy, after attending school for five years, would +consider himself competent to teach. And surely five years of commercial +apprenticeship will not fit a young man to assume a position of trust, +nor give him the<a name="page_063" id="page_063"></a> capacity to decide upon important business matters. In +the first five years—yes, in the first ten years—of a young man's +business life he is only in the primary department of the great +commercial world. It is for him, then, to study methods, to observe +other men—in short, to learn and not hope to achieve. That will come +later. Business, simple as it may look to the young man, is, +nevertheless, a very intricate affair, and it is only by years of +closest study that we master an understanding of it.</p> + +<p>The electric atmosphere of the American business world is all too apt to +make our young men impatient. They want to fly before they can even walk +well. Ambition is a splendid thing in any young man. But getting along +too fast is just as injurious as getting along too slow. A young man +between twenty and twenty-five must be patient. I know patience is a +difficult thing to cultivate, but it is among the first lessons we must +learn in business. A good stock of<a name="page_064" id="page_064"></a> patience, acquired in early life, +will stand a man in good stead in later years. It is a handy thing to +have and draw upon, and makes a splendid safety-valve. Because a young +man, as he approaches twenty-five, begins to see things more plainly +than he did five years before, he must not get the idea that he is a +business man yet, and entitled to a man's salary. If business questions +which he did not understand five years before now begin to look clearer +to him, it is because he is passing through the transitory state that +divides the immature judgment of the young man from the ripening +penetration of the man. He is simply beginning. From that point he will +grow, and his salary will grow as he grows. But Rome was not built in a +day, and a business man is not made in a night. As experience comes, the +judgment will become mature; and by the time the young man reaches +thirty he will begin to realize that he did not know as much at +twenty-five as he thought he did. And<a name="page_065" id="page_065"></a> when he is ready to learn from +others he will begin to grow wise. And when he reaches that state where +he is willing to concede that he has not a "corner" in knowledge, he +will be stepping out of the chrysalis of youth.</p> + +<p>And so to a young man in business or just starting in business I would +say, remember these very essential truths.</p> + +<p>Above all things, before a young man attempts to make a success he +should convince himself that he is in a congenial business. Whether it +be a trade or a profession—both are honorable and productive—let him +satisfy himself, above everything else, that it enlists his personal +interest. If a man shows that he has his work at heart his success can +be relied on. Personal interest in any work will bring other things; but +all the other essentials combined cannot create personal interest. That +must exist first; then two thirds of the battle is won. Fully satisfied +that he is in that particular line of business for which he feels a +stronger,<a name="page_066" id="page_066"></a> warmer interest than for any other, then he should remember:</p> + +<p>First, that, whatever else he may strive to be, he must, above all, be +absolutely honest. From honorable principles he can never swerve. A +temporary success is often possible on what are not exactly dishonest, +but "shady" lines. Such success, however, is only temporary, with a +certainty of permanent loss. The surest business successes—yes, the +only successes worth the making—are built upon honest foundations. +There can be no "blinking" at the truth or at honesty, no half-way +compromise. There is but one way to be successful, and that is to be +absolutely honest; and there is but one way of being honest. Honesty is +not only the foundation, but the capstone as well, of business success.</p> + +<p>Second, he must be alert, alive to every opportunity. He cannot afford +to lose a single point, for that single point might prove the very link +that would make complete the whole chain of a business success.<a name="page_067" id="page_067"></a></p> + +<p>Third, he must ever be willing to learn, never overlooking the fact that +others have long ago forgotten what he has still to learn. Firmness of +decision is an admirable trait in business. The young man whose opinion +can be tossed from one side to another is poor material. But youth is +full of errors, and caution is a strong trait.</p> + +<p>Fourth, if he be wise he will entirely avoid the use of liquors. If the +question of harm done by intoxicating liquor is an open one, the +question of the actual good derived from it is not.</p> + +<p>Fifth, let him remember that a young man's strongest recommendation is +his respectability. Some young men, apparently successful, may be flashy +in dress, loud in manner, and disrespectful of women and sacred things. +But the young man who is respectable always wears best. The way a young +man carries himself in his private life ofttimes means much to him in +his business career. No matter where he is, or in whose<a name="page_068" id="page_068"></a> company, +respectability, and all that it implies, will always command respect.</p> + +<p>And if any young man wishes a set of rules even more concise, here it +is:</p> + +<p>Get into a business you like.</p> + +<p>Devote yourself to it.</p> + +<p>Be honest in everything.</p> + +<p>Employ caution; think out a thing well before you enter upon it.</p> + +<p>Sleep eight hours every night.</p> + +<p>Do everything that means keeping in good health.</p> + +<p>School yourself not to worry; worry kills, work does not.</p> + +<p>Avoid liquors of all kinds.</p> + +<p>If you must smoke, smoke moderately.</p> + +<p>Shun discussion on two points—religion and politics.</p> + +<p>And last, but not least, marry a true woman, and have your own home.</p> + +<p><a name="page_070" id="page_070"></a></p> + +<p><a name="page_071" id="page_071"></a><a name="page_069" id="page_069"></a></p> + +<h3><a name="IV" id="IV"></a>IV<br /><br /> +HIS SOCIAL LIFE AND AMUSEMENTS</h3> + +<p class="nind"><span class="letra"><img src="images/ill-t.jpg" +width="73" height="70" alt="T" title="T" /></span>HE social life of a young man has a direct and important bearing upon +his success, and he cannot be too careful of what forms of amusement he +allows to come into his hours of leisure.</p> + +<p>From a business standpoint it is all-important that he keep a careful +watch on his social habits. For it is not enough for any young man that +he should only take care of himself during his working-hours. To social +dissipations at night can be traced the downfall of hundreds upon +hundreds of young men. The idea that an employer has no control over a +young man's time away from the office is a dangerous fallacy. An +employer has every right to ask that those into whose<a name="page_072" id="page_072"></a> hands he intrusts +responsibilities shall follow social habits which will not endanger his +interests upon the morrow. So far as social life is concerned, young men +generally run to extremes. Either they do not go out at all, which is +stagnating, or they go out too much, which is deadly. Only here and +there is found one who knows the happy medium; a certain amount of +social diversion is essential to everybody—boy, man, girl, or woman; +and particularly so to a young man with a career to make. To come into +contact with the social side of people is broadening; it is educative. +"To know people," says a writer, "you must see them at play." Social +life can be made a study at the same time that it is made a pleasure. To +know the wants of people, to learn their softer side, you must come into +contact with their social natures. No young man can afford to deny +himself certain pleasures, or a reasonable amount of contact with people +in the outer world. It is to his advantage that<a name="page_073" id="page_073"></a> people should know he +exists; it is important to the wise shaping of his aims and aspirations. +It is well for him to keep himself honorably in the eyes of people. His +evening diversions should be as widely different from his occupations +during the day as possible. The mind needs a change of thought as well +as does the body a change of raiment. "All work and no play makes Jack a +dull boy" contains a vast amount of truth.</p> + +<p>At the same time, nothing is more injurious to the chances of a young +man in business than an over-indulgence in the pleasures of what, for +the want of a better word, we call "society." It is a rough but a true +saying that "a man cannot drink whisky and be in business." Perhaps a +softer and more refined translation of this is that a man cannot be in +society and be in business. This is impossible, and nothing that a young +man can bear in mind will stand him to such good account as this fact. +No mind can be fresh in the morning that has been kept at a tension<a name="page_074" id="page_074"></a> the +night before by late hours, or been befogged by indulgence in late +suppers. We need more sleep at twenty or twenty-five than we do at +fifty; and the young man who grants himself less than eight hours' sleep +every night just robs himself of so much vitality. So far as the +required amount of sleeping is concerned, I hold to this inexorable +rule: sleep eight hours every night and an extra hour whenever possible. +The most successful men have repeatedly acknowledged that to a +regularity in hours of retiring they can trace a large part of their +ability to compass the questions which enter into a successful career.</p> + +<p>One rule should be positive with every young man: the midnight hours +should be passed in sleep; and by these hours I mean eleven and twelve +o'clock. If a young man makes it a rule to be asleep by eleven and up by +seven, he chooses the course which hundreds of the most successful men +of the day have chosen. The loss of vitality<a name="page_075" id="page_075"></a> brought by less than eight +hours' sleep may not be felt or noticed at present, but the process of +sleeping is only nature's banking system of principal and interest. A +mind capable of the fulfilment of its highest duties should be receptive +to ideas, quick to comprehend, instantaneous in its conception of a +point. With a fresh mind and a clear brain a young man has two of the +greatest levers of success. These cannot be retained under social +indulgences. The dissipation of a night has its invariable influence +upon the work of the morrow. I do not preach total abstinence of any +habits to which human nature is prone. Every man ought to know what is +good for him and what is injurious to his best interests. But an excess +of anything is injurious, and a young man on the threshold of a business +career cannot afford to be excessive in a single direction. He should +husband his resources. He will need them all. For no success is easily +made in these days. Appearances are tremendously deceptive<a name="page_076" id="page_076"></a> in this +respect. We see men making what we choose to regard and what are known +as quick successes, because at a comparatively early age they acquire +position or means. But one needs only to study the conditions of the +business life of to-day to see how impossible it is to achieve any +success except by the severest patience and by the very hardest work. No +young man need approach a business career with the idea that its +achievement is easy. The histories of successful men tell us all too +clearly the lessons of the patience and efforts of years. Some men +compass a successful career in less time than others. And if the methods +employed are necessarily different, the requirements are precisely the +same. It is a story of hard work in every case, of close application, +and of a patient mastery of the problem in hand. Advantages of education +will come in at times and push one man ahead of another. But a practical +business knowledge is apt to be a greater possession.<a name="page_077" id="page_077"></a></p> + +<p>"But," says some young fellow, "what are the social pleasures and +indulgences which injuriously affect a young man's success?" Only one +general answer can be given, and it is this: any social pleasure or +indulgence which affects a young man's health affects his success. Good +health is the foundation of all possible success in life; affect the one +and you affect the other.</p> + +<p>I presume it is safe to say that no single element in social life has +injured so many young men as an indulgence in intoxicating liquors, and +I shall treat of this first. And in doing so I shall take the matter +entirely away from the moral standpoint, and place it simply on its best +and wisest basis, that of principle. Many a writer—too many, alas!—has +held forth on this subject of wine-drinking and young men, and pointed +out its moral aspects. This is all very well as far as it goes; but I +think that if more writers placed their young-men readers on their honor +in this matter it would be infinitely<a name="page_078" id="page_078"></a> better. It is not a question of +whether it is right or wrong for a young man to indulge in spirituous +drinks, so far as his success is concerned. It simply amounts to one +thing: he absolutely cannot do it. And I can say this to every young +fellow from my own experience and observation as a young man who, when +he started out, did not know exactly what position to take.</p> + +<p>I was about sixteen years old, if I remember rightly, when I began +attending public dinners and assemblages in the capacity of a newspaper +reporter. Wines were then more freely used at dinners than now, and I +soon saw that I must make up my mind whether at these gatherings I +should partake of wines or decline them. I had been trained to the +belief that it was always best to err on the safe side, and as I sat +down to my first public dinner—a New England dinner in Brooklyn—I +shielded the wine-glasses set before me as the waiters came to my plate, +and this practice I have followed ever since.<a name="page_079" id="page_079"></a></p> + +<p>At first my principle never to touch liquor or spirits of any kind +directed to me the chaffings of my friends. I was told it looked +"babyish"; that I could not expect to go out much and keep to my +principle; that I would often find it considered discourteous to refuse +a simple glass of wine tendered by my hostess. But I made up my mind +that there was no use of having a principle unless one stuck to it. And +I soon saw that people respected me the more for it. And just let me say +right here to all young men: I never lost one friend by my refusals, but +I made scores of friendships—of men, from one who has occupied the +presidential chair down; of women, among whom are the best and most +famous in our land to-day.</p> + +<p>I honestly believe that a young man who starts out in life with a fixed +principle—whether it be that he will not drink, or smoke, or indulge in +anything which in his heart he feels is not good for him, or in which he +does not conscientiously believe—and adheres to<a name="page_080" id="page_080"></a> that principle, no +matter under what circumstances he may be placed, holds in his hand one +of the most powerful elements of success in the world to-day. There is a +great deal of common sense abroad in this world of ours, and a young man +with a good principle is always safe to depend upon it. The men and +women whose friendships are worth having are the men and women who have +principles themselves, and respect them in others, especially when they +find them in a young man.</p> + +<p>Another thing which led me to make up my mind never to touch liquor was +the damage which I saw wrought by it upon some of the finest minds with +which it was ever my privilege to come in contact; and I concluded that +what had resulted injuriously to others might prove so to me. I have +seen, even in my few years of professional life, some of the +smartest—yea, brilliant—literary men dethroned from splendid positions +owing to nothing else but their indulgence<a name="page_081" id="page_081"></a> in wine. I have known men +with salaries of thousands of dollars per year, occupying positions +which hundreds would strive a lifetime to attain, come to beggary from +drink. Only recently there applied to me, for any position I could offer +him, one of the most brilliant editorial writers in the newspaper +profession—a man who, two years ago, easily commanded one hundred +dollars for a single article in his special field. That man became so +unreliable from drink that editors are now afraid of his articles; and +although he can to-day write as forcible editorials as at any time +during his life, he sits in a cellar in one of our cities writing +newspaper wrappers for one dollar per thousand. And that is only one +instance of several I could recite here. I do not hold my friend up as a +"terrible example"; he is but a type who convinced me, and may convince +others, that a clear mind and liquor do not go together.</p> + +<p>I know it is said, when one brings up such<a name="page_082" id="page_082"></a> an instance as this, "Oh +well, that man drank to excess. One glass will hurt no one." How do +these people know that it will not? One drop of kerosene has been known +to throw into flame an almost hopeless fire, and one glass of liquor may +fan into a flame a smoldering spark hid away where we never thought it +existed. The spark may be there and it may not. Why take the risk? +Liquor to a healthy young man will never do him the least particle of +good; it may do him harm. The man for whom I have absolutely no use is +the man who is continually asking a young man to "just have a little; +one glass, you know." A man who will wittingly urge a young man whom he +knows has a principle against liquor is a man for whom a halter is too +good.</p> + +<p>Then, as I looked around and came to know more of people and things, I +found the always unanswerable argument in favor of a young man's +abstinence, i.e., that the most successful men in America to-day are +those<a name="page_083" id="page_083"></a> who seldom, if ever, lift a wine-glass to their lips. Becoming +interested in this fact, I had the curiosity to personally inquire into +it, and of twenty-eight of the leading business men in the country whose +names I selected at random, twenty-two were abstainers. I made up my +mind that there was some reason for this. If liquor brought safe +pleasures, why did these men abstain from it? If, as some say, it is a +stimulant to a busy man, why did not these men, directing the largest +business interests in this country, resort to it? And when I saw that +these were the men whose opinions in great business matters were +accepted by the leading concerns of the world, I concluded that their +judgment in the use of liquor would satisfy me. If their judgment in +business matters could command the respect and attention of the leaders +of trade on both sides of the sea, their decision as to the use of +liquor was not apt to be wrong. At least, it was good enough for me.<a name="page_084" id="page_084"></a></p> + +<p>As opportunities have come to me to go into homes and public places, I +find that I do not occupy a solitary position. The tendency to abstain +from liquor is growing more and more among young men of to-day. The +brightest young men I know, who are filling positions of power and +promise, never touch a drop of beer, wines, or intoxicants of any sort. +And the young man who to-day makes up his mind that he will be on the +safe side and adhere to strict abstinence will find that he is not +alone. He has now the very best element in business and social life in +the largest cities of our land with him.</p> + +<p>He will not be chided for his principle, but through it will command +respect.</p> + +<p>It will not retard him in commercial success, but prove his surest help.</p> + +<p>It will win him no enemies, but bring him the friendship of upright men +and good women.</p> + +<p>It will win him surer favor than aught else in eyes which he will +sometime in his life<a name="page_085" id="page_085"></a> think are the sweetest he has ever looked into.</p> + +<p>It will insure him the highest commercial esteem and the brightest +social position.</p> + +<p>And as it molds his character in youth, so will it develop him into a +successful man and a good citizen.</p> + +<p>I know young men are sometimes inclined to believe that abstinence from +wines is apt to prove a barrier to their social success. "It looks +unsociable," it is claimed. But my own experience has demonstrated to me +otherwise. I have found that a young man's best and highest social +success is assured just in proportion as he abstains from wines. An +indulgence in intoxicants of any sort has never helped a man to any +social position worth the having; on the contrary, it has kept many from +attaining a position to which by birth and good breeding and all other +qualifications they were entitled. No young man will ever find that the +principle of abstinence from liquor is a barrier to any success,<a name="page_086" id="page_086"></a> +social, commercial, or otherwise. On the other hand, it is the one +principle in his life which will, in the long run, help him more than +any other. And touching the point of etiquette on this question, whether +it is in better form in drinking wines at dinner to turn down one's +glasses or have them removed, I would say, neither. Simply shield the +glasses with the hand as the waiter reaches your place at the table with +each course of wine. Turning down one's wine-glasses or causing them to +be removed from the table always seems to me to be an unnecessary and +rather a disagreeable way of pronouncing one's principles.</p> + +<p>So far as the habit of smoking is concerned—whether it takes the form +of a cigarette, cigar, or pipe—I do not believe in the idea which tells +a young man that he must not smoke. I say, rather, he will be wisest if +he does not smoke. His health will be the better for it and his +pocket-book the fatter. If the physical or mental injury to be derived<a name="page_087" id="page_087"></a> +from smoking is an open question, the good it does is not. Smoking does +absolutely no good to any one; it is simply a question of the extent of +harm that it does. But if a young fellow is inclined to smoke, if he has +a taste for it that he feels he must indulge, then I say, smoke +moderately. The greatest danger in smoking is in the imperceptible +growth of the habit; and this is particularly true of cigarette-smoking, +now so prevalent among young men. Unless a young man has himself well in +hand, and can govern his passions, he will find that cigarette-smoking +has a nasty way of growing upon one. He may at first smoke only two or +three cigarettes per day. After a while he adds a fourth. In a year it +will be five per day; and so it goes on multiplying, but never +diminishing, until the habit gets a hold which many find it impossible +to shake off. Then follow irritability, nervousness, loss of memory and +of appetite, and all kindred complaints, which are killing to a young +fellow's<a name="page_088" id="page_088"></a> health, and necessarily to his success and happiness. This, to +my mind, is the danger which lurks in tobacco; the actual harm is not in +its use, but in its abuse. And use easily leads to abuse in the vast +majority of cases. An excuse is always at hand to make an extra +cigarette or cigar permissible on a special occasion. But after a bit +special occasions multiply. I believe that if young men would not smoke +until they attained their thirtieth year, it would be the wisest +solution of this whole question. One thing is certain: the young man who +does not smoke is far better off than he who does; and I think any one +addicted to tobacco will agree with this statement.</p> + +<p>It is only natural that no young man desires to remain at home every +evening of the week; and the question naturally arises, What are the +best amusements for a young fellow? And on this point opinions must +necessarily differ.</p> + +<p>For example, there is the question of attendance<a name="page_089" id="page_089"></a> at the theater. There +are people—and delightful, good, and conscientious people they are, +too—who sincerely disapprove of the theater. To their minds the +playhouse is simply a trick of the devil to lure young men to +destruction. And, as plays go nowadays, I must confess that they are not +far from the right. Our theaters are unquestionably suffering from a +deluge of plays most of which are morally bad and some of which are +artistically worthless. But the dramatic history of every country has +waves of this sort.</p> + +<p>To condemn the theater as an institution, however, and say to young men +indiscriminately that they must keep away from it, is, to my mind, +wrong. Because there are bad plays it does not necessarily follow that +there are no good plays. There are—not in plenty, I confess, but +nevertheless they exist. I believe in the theater in moderation, so long +as good actors and good plays are selected. Then I hold that the theater +is a source of<a name="page_090" id="page_090"></a> education to a young man. It will bring before him the +lessons of life in a more effective way than is possible by any method +of reading or studying. But no general rule can be followed in this +form, or, for that matter, in any other form of amusement. To some young +men the theater is an absolute harm, and has an injurious effect. If he +is of susceptible mind and of weak character, he will be influenced by +the life he sees on the stage, believe it to be real, and, ofttimes as +not, he will fashion his own life and desires by it. This is where the +theater does positive injury, and such a young man should never attend +it. If, however, he is strong of character, and goes to the theater in +the right spirit, I believe it is good for him. A good play is a +wonderful stimulant, a powerful rejuvenant of spirits. It pleases the +senses as nothing else can do; it takes the mind away from every-day +affairs in a way that no factor in life, save, perhaps, a good book, +does. And a good play is as<a name="page_091" id="page_091"></a> beneficial as a good book. As I have said +before, it is unfortunate that we have so few really good plays on the +boards of our theaters; but they are there, and we can find them if we +will only look out for them. And with care in our selection, it does us +all good to go to the theater and enjoy a hearty laugh, or to see the +mirror held up to nature. Young men are often puzzled, too, as to the +right position to assume as regards dancing. So far as this form of +amusement is concerned, I have always liked to believe that dancing, +like going to the theater, is good when enjoyed in moderation. Its +unhealthy possibilities in a moral sense no young fellow of the right +sort ever thinks of or considers. It is only when they are +discussed—as, unfortunately, they are all too often in print—that they +suggest themselves. Dancing, to my mind, when it is not indulged in +promiscuously, but with friends and acquaintances of the opposite sex, +is one of the highest forms of enjoyment,<a name="page_092" id="page_092"></a> and one that gives to a young +fellow what we all should possess, grace and the ability to carry +ourselves well. But, like all good things, dancing can be abused, and +then the injurious effects come in. If a young fellow goes to a dance, +and dances all evening without any regard to his physical abilities, he +exhausts himself and is unfit for his regular duties on the morrow. When +the practice is followed in this wise, and a late supper—which +generally means cold or iced foods on a heated stomach—is indulged in, +then one of the most graceful and enjoyable of pleasures is taken out of +its proper place and becomes an injury.</p> + +<p>There is one thing, however, which a young man carving his own career in +the world soon finds out for himself, and it is that dances, as a rule, +are very exhausting pleasures and generally mean late hours. And after a +while he feels that they interfere with his business duties on the +following day. Then it is that he must make a<a name="page_093" id="page_093"></a> choice, and, of course, +dancing must suffer and "go by the board," so to speak. As I have said a +few paragraphs back, any social pleasure which interferes with a young +fellow's best business interests is bad. What one young man can stand +another cannot, and hence every one must decide for himself. He need +only keep his health in mind. If he finds that any pleasure—whether it +be attendance at the theater, dancing, or what not—makes him wish next +day that he had not indulged in it, it should be perfectly clear to him +that that particular social pleasure is not for him, and he should give +it up.</p> + +<p>Card-playing has never had any special attraction for me, and so I can +say very little for it. A good game of whist, euchre, cribbage, or +hearts is enjoyable; but I have always felt that playing at whist, +particularly with experts, is more or less of a mental strain, and +should not be indulged in by those who are required to use their mental +faculties during the day. To some, however,<a name="page_094" id="page_094"></a> it is a relaxation, a +recreation, and to these it is good. I am inclined to believe, however, +that the game of "poker" is one which a young man will be wisest if he +does not learn, since it is almost invariably associated with gambling. +And gambling at cards, or gambling or betting of any sort whatever, is a +practice in which no self-respecting young fellow can indulge. It is +generally the first step downward; and whether it tends in that way or +not, it always, without exception, has its evil effects. Therefore it is +wisest to shun it, and shun it absolutely.</p> + +<p>The growth of outdoor sports in this country has made thousands of young +men interested in wheeling, tennis, base-ball, foot-ball, and kindred +sports; and no national sign is more encouraging. The deeper the +interest which every young man evinces in manly sports the better it is +not only for him in every possible way, but for the generation +succeeding him. It betokens a clean, healthy mind when a young fellow +takes an honest,<a name="page_095" id="page_095"></a> sincere interest in outdoor sports. But the great +danger is in overdoing this. Sports are splendid in their place and at +their time, but too many of our young men allow them to interfere with +their business interests. A young man in business cannot allow his +interest in base-ball, or any other sport, to become so absorbing as to +take first place in his mind. There is no earthly reason why an interest +in foot-ball, base-ball, or any other sport, confined within proper +bounds and at the proper time, should not be good. But when a young +fellow finds that he knows the standing of the base-ball clubs in the +various leagues, or the names of the players, or their batting average, +better than he knows the names of the customers of his employer, or the +prices of the goods he is paid to sell, or the discounts of his house, +then I say his interest is directed against his own good. Base-ball, or +any other kind of ball, is a splendid thing—in its place. Nor is an +interest in any legitimate sport or game harmful<a name="page_096" id="page_096"></a> so long as it is kept +within bounds and not allowed to occupy the mind to the detriment of +business interests. What are called "base-ball cranks" or "bicycle +fiends" or "foot-ball enthusiasts" are never good business men, and +their standing in the community is on a par with their overwrought +interest.</p> + +<p>A young man's social life and his indulgences must, in other words, be +tempered with reason and common sense. He should have a social side to +his nature, but that side must not dominate him. If it does, it affects +his business interests; and a young man whose thoughts during business +hours are fixed upon a pleasure of the evening before, or upon a sport +of the morrow, soon finds himself outdistanced in the race for success +by others who keep such things in their proper places. A little common +sense here counts for much. It counts for everything, in fact.</p> + +<p><a name="page_098" id="page_098"></a></p> + +<p><a name="page_099" id="page_099"></a><a name="page_097" id="page_097"></a></p> + +<h3><a name="V" id="V"></a>V<br /><br /> +"SOWING HIS WILD OATS"</h3> + +<p class="nind"><span class="letra"><img src="images/ill-i.jpg" width="74" +height="72" alt="I" title="I" /></span>T is a common saying, and a belief equally as general, that it is not +only essential, but it is assumed as right, that a young man should, at +some time in his life, "sow his wild oats." This sowing of one's wild +oats means, in plainer words, that a young man should have his "fling," +as it is called; that is, he must "see the world."</p> + +<p>Now, it has always seemed to me a great misfortune that the man who +framed that sentence of "sowing wild oats" did not die before he +constructed it. From the way some people talk one would imagine that +every man had instilled into him at his birth<a name="page_100" id="page_100"></a> a certain amount of +deviltry, which he must get rid of before he can become a man of honor. +For what is called "sowing wild oats" is nothing more nor less than +self-degradation to any young man. It does not make a man one particle +more of a man because he has passed through a siege of riotous living +and indiscretion when he was nineteen, twenty, or twenty-five; it makes +him just so much less of a man. It dwarfs his views of life far more +than it broadens them. And he realizes this afterward. He does not know +one iota more of "life," except a certain phase of it, which, if it has +glitter for him in youth, becomes a repellent remembrance to him when he +is matured. The reputation and power that comes of right living and good +character are what the man from forty to seventy covets, and nothing but +the well-spent years of early life can secure these. There is no such +thing as an investigation period in a man's life; at one period it is as +important for him to be honorable<a name="page_101" id="page_101"></a> and true to the teachings of his +mother as at another.</p> + +<p>To my mind no young man need seek this "darker side of life" which the +sowing of wild oats means. The good Lord knows that it forces itself +upon our attention soon enough. It does not wait to be sought. A young +man need not be afraid that he will fail to see it. He will see plenty +of it, and without any seeking on his part, either. And even if he does +fail to become conversant with it, he is the gainer in the end. There +are a great many things which we can accept by inference as existing in +this world. It is not a liberal education to see them. Too many young +men have a burning itch to see wickedness—not to indulge in it, as they +are quick to explain, but simply to see it. But the thousands of men who +have never seen it have never felt themselves the losers. If anything, +they are glad of it. It does not raise a man's ideal to come into +contact with certain types of manhood or<a name="page_102" id="page_102"></a> womanhood which are only +removed from the lowest types of the animal kingdom by virtue of the +fact that the Creator chose to have them get through the world on two +legs instead of four. The loftiest ideal of womanhood that a young man +can form in his impressionable days will prove none too high for him in +his years of maturity. To be true to the best that is within a man +means, above all, to be an earnest believer in the very best qualities +of womanhood. Let him accept by inference that there are two types of +woman, the good and the bad. But he will be wiser and happier if he +associate only with the former. There are hundreds of good women in this +world to every one of the contrasting element. No young man has, +therefore, a valid excuse for seeking the latter.</p> + +<p>Sometimes this "sowing of wild oats" is deemed necessary to insure to a +young man what is called "a broader view of life"; whereas, in reality, +no means that could be devised gives him such a contracted, narrow,<a name="page_103" id="page_103"></a> and +unsatisfactory standard. A broad view of life means the cultivation of a +mind that can take in every part of the horizon of the truest living; +that can see good in everything; that accepts the good, and rejects, not +investigates, the bad. We can always leave that for some one else to do. +The outlook from the wheel-house of an ocean steamer is far better than +it is from the stoke-hole. Curiosity may lead some people to go down and +look into the stoke-holes of life; but take my word for it, you will +find the atmosphere purer and the vision clearer if you stay in the +wheel-house. To see "the wheels go round" is a very instructive thing to +do in directions where the motive is a good one, prompted by lofty +ideas. But some "wheels" are far better unseen. Satisfy a healthy +curiosity always, but shun the other kind. There is no satisfaction to +be had, and a man whose curiosity overcomes him is always disgusted with +the poor return he receives for his trouble.<a name="page_104" id="page_104"></a></p> + +<p>The young man who reaches manhood without a knowledge of the dark and +vicious side of human nature is far better off than the one who has seen +it. He will lose nothing by not having seen it; not an ounce less of +respect will be meted out to him. But he will feel prouder of himself, +and men will respect him infinitely more for the strength of his +will-power.</p> + +<p>Not long since a young fellow wrote to me in this connection, and said +in his letter: "What's the use of leading a straight life? Nobody gives +you credit for it. Society expects a more or less diverting life from a +young fellow; it accepts him as such. Practically, it calls him a +'ninny' if he doesn't diverge from the straight path once in a while. It +only asks of him that he shall not be caught."</p> + +<p>I can scarcely imagine a view of life so entirely wrong in its personal +application. The <i>real</i> "use" of leading a "straight life" is apparently +absolutely overlooked by this<a name="page_105" id="page_105"></a> young man, who seems to think that his +life is lived for others rather than for himself. The "use" of leading +an honorable life concerns itself with the young man himself. He is +accountable to himself—to his own conscience, to his own heart. Of what +possible satisfaction is it to get credit from others for doing what is +best for one's self? Men do not lead honorable lives for the sake of +getting credit for it—to win the hand of applause. They do it for +themselves; for their own inner satisfaction, that they may be true to +themselves and to the best that is within them.</p> + +<p>Aside from this paramount fact, however, people do give a young man +credit for the life that he leads, and they are far more often aware of +it than the young man supposes. But it depends upon the people whose +favor the young man values. If he seeks the recognition of what is so +wrongly called and known as "society," a righteous life, an upright +life, an honorable<a name="page_106" id="page_106"></a> life—in other words, a manly life—may not count +for so much. But the aimless men and silly women who constitute that +body called "society" figure for nothing in the life of an earnest young +man. If, however, he associates with men who in his developing days can +mean much to him, and whose acquaintance in later years will be a pride +and a joy to him, if he finds company in women who arouse his best +thoughts and truest motives, he will find that his life, free from +blemish, is appreciated, is understood, is recognized, and is known. +There is an indefinable chord which always draws the right men to the +young man of pure life. They are the men who give credit to a young +fellow who tries to live aright, and they are the only men worth his +knowing. These men may not openly applaud him, but they will give him +their confidence, their good will, their friendship; and in later years +he will more fully understand what these elements mean to him. These men +do not call<a name="page_107" id="page_107"></a> a young man a "ninny" when he leads an upright life; they +call him a manly fellow, and they take him into their hearts and into +their homes. By the best part of mankind a young man is always known by +his true color. Of that he need never fear. An adherence to high +principles shows itself in every thought and every action of a young +man, and it always counts for something and much. And as he progresses +in life, and a clearer understanding of the right kind of living comes +to him, he will see with his own eyes that the men who hold the true +respect of the world are the men who were pure-lived and who can +fearlessly and honestly look every man and woman in the eye.</p> + +<p><a name="page_109" id="page_109"></a> +<a name="page_110" id="page_110"></a> +<a name="page_111" id="page_111"></a></p> + +<h3><a name="VI" id="VI"></a>VI<br /><br /> +IN MATTERS OF DRESS</h3> + +<p class="nind"><span class="letra"><img src="images/ill-w.jpg" width="70" +height="72" alt="W" title="W" /></span>E may like it or not, but we are judged in this world first for what we +are, but also as we look; and a young man's common sense should teach +him that it is always wise to create a good impression. It does much for +him, and he cannot afford to ignore it. Good clothes cannot make a young +man, but they are a help; and when carving out a career it is only pure +justice to himself that he should take advantage of every point offered +him. In other words, I believe it is a duty which every young man owes +to himself to be well dressed. But to be well dressed does not +necessarily imply the highest-priced clothes,<a name="page_112" id="page_112"></a> cut according to the +latest patterns. It is just as possible to be well attired in clothes of +moderate cost, so long as they are not "loud" or "showy," but quiet and +neat.</p> + +<p>The average young fellow undoubtedly errs in this matter of dress. With +his tastes unfixed, in the majority of cases he goes to either one of +two extremes: he either dresses shabbily because he claims he cannot +afford to do otherwise, or he goes to the other extreme and tries to +imitate the styles affected by the extremists in dress, and necessarily +makes himself an object of ridicule.</p> + +<p>Clothes are moderate enough in price nowadays to make it possible for +every young man, no matter how humble his income, to be neatly attired. +The secret of a neat appearance in dress does not depend upon the number +of suits he may have, but upon the manner in which even a single suit is +taken care of and how it is worn. Many a young man with a wardrobe of +but two suits of clothes looks neater than another<a name="page_113" id="page_113"></a> who has five or six +suits with which to alternate. The art of looking well depends, first, +upon the choice of a suit, and, second, how it is taken care of. If a +young man has a moderate income he should make it a point to select only +the quiet patterns of dark colors. Not only is this more economical, but +it is in better taste than are the lighter and more conspicuous clothes. +If a young man will look around him a bit, he will find that the +successful men of the day are always the most quiet dressers. Their +clothes are never conspicuous; they detract rather than attract +attention. It is only the fop of shallow mind who invites attention by +his dress. There is a certain class of pictures that require elaborate +gilt frames in order to set off the little merit they possess; and +likewise are there scores of men who must dress conspicuously in order +to gain even the most meager attention. Men who are least certain of +their position always dress the showiest. Hence if a young man dresses +quietly and neatly he<a name="page_114" id="page_114"></a> pursues not only the best, but the only wise +course. His dress is a pretty accurate reflection of his character, and +very often he is judged, to a certain extent, by the taste which he +shows in his clothes.</p> + +<p>But while a young man injures himself by showy dressing, he has no +business to dress shabbily. Shabby clothes are no longer an eccentricity +of genius. There are men of genius who have achieved deserved fame and +substantial success who are absolutely indifferent to their appearance. +And the world overlooks and forgives it. But this is only possible with +men of commanding genius who are established; and the young man who +takes these men as models so far as attire goes makes a sorry mistake. +It is given to men of high position and of established success to follow +a great many little eccentricities which are not overlooked in a young +man struggling for a career.</p> + +<p>Aside from the aspect of mere appearance, neatness in dress is +undoubtedly a great inner<a name="page_115" id="page_115"></a> and outer factor in a young man's success. A +neat suit of clothes communicates a sense of neatness to the body, and, +in turn, this sense of neatness of the person is extended to the work in +hand. As we feel, so unquestionably do we work. Our clothes unmistakably +affect our feelings, as any man knows who has experienced the different +sensation that comes to him when attired in a new suit from the feeling +when wearing old clothes. No employer expects his clerks of moderate +incomes to dress in the immediate fashions, but he likes to see them +neat in appearance. It commends them to his attention. We all have an +inner consciousness that a young man who keeps himself looking neat and +clean is more worthy of our confidence than he who is regardless of his +appearance and looks soiled and shabby. Neatness always attracts, just +as shabbiness invariably repulses.</p> + +<p>Particularly would I emphasize the value of clean linen to a young man. +There is no<a name="page_116" id="page_116"></a> earthly excuse why any young fellow should wear soiled +collars or cuffs. Soap and water are within the reach of the smallest +purse, and the home or the outer laundry is accessible to all. No single +element in his dress cuts more of a figure in a young man's success than +his linen. However worn may be his clothes, his appearance always +invites closer proximity when his linen is clean.</p> + +<p>I do not wish to be understood as making too much of dress as a factor +in a young man's life. But I believe in it sufficiently, and I have seen +evidences again and again to strengthen that belief, that no young +fellow anxious for his self-betterment can afford to slight his +appearance. No fair computation can be offered as to what percentage of +his income he should expend on his dress. That depends altogether too +much on circumstances. But I thoroughly believe and strongly counsel +that he should dress as well as his means allow; no better, but no +worse. Money spent on a neat appearance is never<a name="page_117" id="page_117"></a> wasted with a man, be +he young or old. The chief danger which the young man has to battle with +is dressing beyond his means. A tendency toward extravagance is never +justifiable, no matter what may be his income. Extravagance is always +wasteful. But neither must he economize too closely. In a word, he +should strive always to look neat; to present the best appearance he +can.</p> + +<p>The extreme styles presented in men's clothes are like the extreme +styles fashioned for women: they should be left for those who have large +wardrobes. The young man of limited wardrobe cannot afford to have +anything in it which is in the immediate style one year and out of +fashion the next year. Quiet patterns in clothes, in cravats, in shoes, +and in linen are always in style. The marvelous combinations we see in +young men's clothes, of extreme long coats, of light cloths and large +patterns in suitings, of razor-pointed shoes, of pink shirts, white +collars, and blue cravats, are generally worn by extremists in<a name="page_118" id="page_118"></a> dress, +or by those of mediocre tastes whose exhibition of those tastes always +keeps them in the lower stations of life. These styles should never be +affected by the young man who wishes to gain the confidence of his +superiors in business, or the respect of the people in social life whose +friendships will be of value and benefit to him. A young man, so far as +this matter of dress is concerned, cannot do better than always to +remember this one inflexible rule: that the best dressers among men +follow the same method as do the best dressers among women—they dress +well, but quietly. And quiet dressing is always in good taste.</p> + +<p><a name="page_120" id="page_120"></a></p> + +<p><a name="page_121" id="page_121"></a><a name="page_119" id="page_119"></a></p> + +<h3><a name="VII" id="VII"></a>VII<br /><br /> +HIS RELIGIOUS LIFE</h3> + +<p class="nind"><span class="letra"><img src="images/ill-w.jpg" width="70" +height="72" alt="W" title="W" /></span>HEN a writer seeks to present the religious life a being, be he young +man or patriarch, it naturally follows that he can only be general in +what he says. Religion is too much a matter of one's innermost feelings, +of one's own convictions, to be governed by rule or example. But in +these days of men more or less wise, when many of the truths which our +forefathers held sacred are being discussed in so-called "new lights," +and when the convictions of many are disturbed by reason of these "new +doctrines," it is well, I think, that young men should bear in mind one +or two fundamental truths so far as the religious side of their lives is +concerned.<a name="page_122" id="page_122"></a></p> + +<p>It is not within the province of this book to treat either of dogmas or +creeds, or of the necessity of church-going; but it does come within its +lines to say these words to every young man who reads this chapter:</p> + +<p>No matter what present revelations or subsequent discoveries may prove +or seek to disprove as to religious teachings, one great essential can +never be altered, and that is the necessity of a firm faith, an absolute +belief, that a wise God rules over this universe and over the destiny of +each and every living man, woman, or child. Whatever constitutes that +God is not for us to solve. The wisest of us can only dimly comprehend +it. Our minds are finite; the Spirit who rules us is infinite; and +nothing finite can comprehend or understand the infinite. Enough is it +for us to know that there is a God, that there is a Supreme Being, a +Creator, a Ruler. That is all it is given us to know. It is all that the +new-born infant can know; it is all that the finest and keenest +mentality ever given to<a name="page_123" id="page_123"></a> man can know. But that there is a great Creator +no one can doubt; everything in nature points to that one fact; and the +young man who refuses to believe in the existence of a God makes the +greatest and most momentous mistake of his life. Without that faith, +without that absolute conviction, he is not only hindered or crippled in +whatever he undertakes, but he is simply helpless. On that point he +cannot afford to err; to doubt it, even in the light of the most +advanced knowledge that can ever be presented, he cannot for one single +moment allow himself. This much is absolute.</p> + +<p>Another point is like unto it, and it is that every person can go to +that Creator and Dispenser of all good, and receive, through +supplication, guidance in all affairs. This is but another way of +expressing an earnest, a heartfelt, an honest belief in prayer. Whatever +arguments may be brought to bear upon this question, one thing remains +undisputed: that an honest and earnest prayer sent forth<a name="page_124" id="page_124"></a> from the human +heart to its Heavenly Father, for guidance or for help, is sure, and +absolutely sure, to bring strength and enlightenment to the mind. No +scientific analysis can refute this. Too many millions of people have +experienced the truth of this in their lives. Argument on this point is +pointless; it is fruitless. A young man might as well argue that he +loved his mother. Conscious experience does more than theoretical +argument, and that conscious experience has taught the happiest men and +the best women who ever lived that there is a direct communication +between God and the humblest person who ever lived, and that a prayer +for guidance sent from the heart of man to that God is never lost. There +is in every man and woman not alone substance of material matter, but a +spiritual nature which, if kept in daily contact with its God, finds a +response such as can come from no finite source. This truth no young man +can hesitate to believe—the efficacy of prayer.<a name="page_125" id="page_125"></a> It requires no creed +to believe it, no dogma, no form of religion. It is a simple belief that +to ask a heavenly guidance in all things good and right means a fruition +of the highest and best hopes of a man.</p> + +<p>With this absolute faith in the existence of a God, and in prayer, only +one thing more is needed to complete the fundamental basis of all +religions—an honest effort to live according to our conscience and to +the best and truest that is within ourselves.</p> + +<p>Here, then, is a simple religion for any young man. If his heart craves +it and his mind can compass it, he can go deeper into the question and +believe more. But less he cannot accept. Nor, if he is wise, will he +wish to accept less. All objections fall before so simple a code of +belief. It asks for no great mental capacity; it is beyond the mental +power of none. The rising and setting of the sun, the coming of the +seasons, the downfall of night upon day, the birth of a child, the death +of a man—everything proves to<a name="page_126" id="page_126"></a> the humblest mind that this is a +religion which it can accept without hesitancy, without a single +misgiving. When we go beyond these fundamental principles we go into +questions which are complex and open to individual construction. However +a young man may decide for himself those questions, he cannot shirk the +three points I have dwelt upon. They will teach him a respect for all +sacred things, without which no man can earn respect for himself. They +will teach him charity for the faults of others, without which none can +hope for leniency for his own shortcomings. They will teach him to hold +out the helping hand to others, without which he can himself never +succeed. They will keep him close to the teachings and the beliefs of +his mother, without which a young man is untrue to the source from which +he sprang.</p> + +<p>I think, so far as church attendance is concerned, that a young man +serves his best interests if he is a regular attendant at some form of +worship. I do not say he should or<a name="page_127" id="page_127"></a> must; I simply believe he is wisest +if he does identify himself with some religious body which comes closest +to his tastes and beliefs. Whatever be the faults of the church as an +institution, a young man must never forget the fact that it is an order +born of God, that he sanctioned it, and that if it has its shortcomings +it is simply because man is not perfect. Young men with their critical +faculties on the alert are prone to discover some single defect, or what +looks to them as a defect, in some church with which they are +acquainted, and foolishly condemn the church as an institution. Or they +will see hypocrisy stand out bold and clear in some man or woman known +as a devout attendant at church, and they condemn church-membership as a +whole and belittle the influence of religious teachings. This is wrong, +and hence it is unfair. None of us would think of condemning all the +sweet flowers that grow simply because of a few that are poisonous to +the touch. Or, because we know some women who do<a name="page_128" id="page_128"></a> not follow righteous +lives, we certainly would not condemn the entire sex of women, which +would necessarily include our own mother. We cannot condemn the many +because of the few. A young man should keep his mind fixed on the +purposes of the church as an institution, and those purposes affect him +for the reason that the church is to-day the balancing power between +this earth being a chaos and what it is. It is the greatest safeguard to +home and society; and because of the fact that it is such a powerful +safeguard, many things are made possible for him which, without the +church, it would be impossible for him to enjoy. The church is an +indispensable factor in our modern life, and it holds out more +possibilities for good to a young man than any other single institution. +Its influence is always sure, and he can depend upon it. The best people +of our land are its upholders. The most successful men are among its +believers and worship at its altar. Worship—true worship of the +heart—<a name="page_129" id="page_129"></a>does not imply a sickly sentimentality, as some young men +believe; to go to church is not "babyish," nor to stay away from it +"smart." A true belief in the church and its fundamental teachings is +one of the manliest qualities which one can possess. In its atmosphere +of worship the spiritual—that is, the softer and gentler—side of man +dominates the material side, and to a young man in the race for success +this is all-essential. No young fellow can afford either to disbelieve +in the church or to scoff at its workings or influence. The methods +pursued may not always be to our liking or to our way of thinking, but +that is, as I have said before, simply because earthly hands minister +over it. But its aim is divine, and that every young man must believe +and accept as a belief.</p> + +<p>And here let me say a word touching the application of religious +principles to a young man's business life. The question is asked, and as +often discussed: "Is a life built upon<a name="page_130" id="page_130"></a> religious principles really +compatible with a young man's business success?" Or sometimes it is put: +"Does it really pay to be honest in business?" Or again: "Can a young +fellow be religious and yet successful?" Of course all are but +variations of the same question.</p> + +<p>Now the simple fact of the matter boiled down is that a business success +is absolutely impossible upon any other basis than an honorable one, +followed upon lines of the very strictest honesty.</p> + +<p>The great trouble with young men is that their ideas are altogether too +much influenced by a few unfortunate examples of apparent success which +are prominent—too prominent, alas!—in American life to-day. These +examples, for the most part representing politicians, are regarded in +the eyes of the world as successful; that is, they are talked about +incessantly; interviewed by reporters; they lavishly buy diamonds for +their wives and build costly houses; and all these are duly reported in<a name="page_131" id="page_131"></a> +the newspapers. Young men read these things and ask themselves, "If he +can, why not I?" Then they begin to look around for some "short cut to +success," as one young fellow expressed it to me not long since. And it +is precisely through this method of "cutting across lots" in business +that scores of young men find themselves, after a while, completely +baffled. And the man who has once had about him an unsavory taint in his +business methods rarely—very rarely—rids himself of that atmosphere in +the eyes of his confrères. How often we see some young man in business +representative of the very best qualities that should win success! Every +one agrees that he is brilliant. "He is clever," is the general verdict. +He impresses one well in his manner, he is thoroughly businesslike, is +energetic, and yet, somehow or other, he never seems to get into a place +and stick there. People wonder at it, and excuse it on the ground that +he has not quite found his right place. But some day the<a name="page_132" id="page_132"></a> secret is +explained. "Yes, he <i>is</i> clever," says some old business man, "but, +don't you know, he isn't—well, he isn't just safe!" Just safe! How much +that expresses; how clearly that defines hundreds and hundreds of the +smartest young men in business to-day! He is everything else, but he +isn't "just safe"! He is not dishonest in any way, but he is, what is +equally as bad, not quite reliable. To attain success he has, in other +words, tried to "cut across lots." And rainbow-chasing is really a very +commendable business in comparison with a young man's search for the +"royal road to success." No success worth attaining is easy; the greater +the obstacles to overcome the surer is the success when attained. "Royal +roads" are poor highways to travel in any pursuit, and especially in a +business calling.</p> + +<p>It is strange how reluctant young men are to accept as the most vital +truth in life that the most absolute honesty is the only kind of honesty +that succeeds in business. It is not<a name="page_133" id="page_133"></a> a question of religion or +religious beliefs. Honesty does not depend upon any religious creed or +dogma that was ever conceived. It is a question of a young man's own +conscience. He knows what is right and what is wrong. And yet, simple as +the matter is, it is astonishing how difficult it is of understanding. +An honest course in business seems too slow to the average young man. "I +can't afford to plod along. I must strike, and strike quickly," is the +sentiment. Ah yes, my friend, but not dishonestly. No young man can +afford to even think of dishonesty. Success on honorable lines may +sometimes seem slower in coming, but when it does come it outrivals in +permanency all the so-called successes gained by other methods. To look +at the methods of others is always a mistake. The successes of to-day +are not given to the imitator, but to the originator. It makes no +difference how other men may succeed—their success is theirs and not +yours. You cannot partake of it. Every<a name="page_134" id="page_134"></a> man is a law unto himself. The +most absolute integrity is the one and the only sure foundation of +success. Such a success is lasting and the only one which wins respect. +Other kinds of successes may seem so, but it is all in the seeming and +not in the reality. Let a young man swerve from the path of honesty and +it will surprise him how quickly every avenue of a lasting success is +closed against him. Making money dishonestly is the most difficult thing +to accomplish in the world, just as lying is the practice most wearing +to the mind. It is the young man of unquestioned integrity who is +selected for the important position. No business man ever places his +business in the hands of a young man whom he feels he cannot absolutely +trust. And to be trusted means to be honest. Honesty, and that alone, +commands confidence. An honest life well directed is the only life for a +young man to lead. It is the one life that is compatible with the +largest and surest business success.<a name="page_135" id="page_135"></a></p> + +<p>A religious life, whether in business or out of business, is one which +every young man not only should, but can follow. It partakes of no +gloom, as many suppose; it means no depression of spirits. It means +simply the living of an upright life, a life of respectability. Religion +is nothing more nor less than an adherence to the simple code I have +presented: a recognition of a God, and an allegiance in manner of life +to that God. And that manner of living is simply a healthy development +of the spiritual nature—keeping close to one's best instincts. The +communion of a man with his Creator comes with such a manner of living. +But this is all that a religious life means. That comprises true +religion, at once the easiest and the safest element for any young man +to take into his life. It will stand the severest test, and will prove a +veritable Rock of Gibraltar to him in time of anxiety and trouble.</p> + +<p><a name="page_137" id="page_137"></a> +<a name="page_138" id="page_138"></a> +<a name="page_139" id="page_139"></a></p> + +<h3><a name="VIII" id="VIII"></a>VIII<br /><br /> +HIS ATTITUDE TOWARD WOMEN</h3> + +<p class="nind"><span class="letra"><img src="images/ill-t.jpg" width="73" +height="70" alt="T" title="T" /></span>HE attitude which a young man assumes toward women is one of the surest +index-fingers to his character, and nothing stamps him with such +unerring accuracy before men. And if this be true in a general sense of +his attitude toward the whole sex, it applies with particular force to +his position as son. "As is the son so will be the husband," is a +well-known saying, and it is likewise true that as is the son so is the +man. When a young man reverences his mother it is easy for him to +believe in the nobility of the sex to which she belongs. And it is a +correct belief.</p> + +<p>That women are morally better and spiritually nobler than men should be +believed by<a name="page_140" id="page_140"></a> every young man. No ideal of the best and truest qualities +of womanhood is too high for him to set for himself. Such a belief of +his young manhood will become a conviction of his later manhood. I know +that it is the fashion of some men to speak lightly of women and +womanhood; and young men in their susceptible years are sometimes apt to +listen to these low standards, and inclined to accept them or be +influenced by them. But of one thing every young fellow may be assured: +that the man who speaks of woman in any but the most respectful terms is +either a knave or a fool—very often he is both. And this is one of the +few rules in life to which there is no exception. I wish that young men +would more closely associate their mothers with women in general, and +realize that every slur cast upon women as a sex is a slur upon their +mothers. This is the feeling which prompted General Grant to give a +lesson in politeness which will always be told of him. The story is +doubtless<a name="page_141" id="page_141"></a> familiar to all how one evening an officer came into camp, +and in a rollicking mood said to those assembled:</p> + +<p>"I have such a rich story that I want to tell you. There are no women +present, are there?"</p> + +<p>Whereupon General Grant, lifting his eyes from the paper which he was +reading, and looking his officer square in the eye, said slowly, but +deliberately:</p> + +<p>"No, but there are gentlemen present."</p> + +<p>The rebuke was masterly, and it is one which young men cannot too +vividly remember.</p> + +<p>Nothing in this world stamps a man more decisively in the eyes of his +fellow-men than the practice of telling "off-color" stories in which +women are concerned. I have often seen this practice followed, but never +yet have I seen a single instance when the story-teller did not lower +himself in the estimation of his listeners. Men are prone to laugh at +these stories when they are told them; but<a name="page_142" id="page_142"></a> privately I have noticed +that they form their own opinion of the man who tells them, and the +opinion is always of one kind. It is the man who upholds womanhood who +commands the respect of other men; the man who attempts to lower it +invariably invites their distrust. The men who hold that "every woman +has her price" are the men who, in the estimation of other men, have no +price at all, commercially, socially, or morally. The man who uses such +an expression regarding woman simply apes the "smart" utterance of the +first fool that God ever made, and after whose pattern all the other +fools in this world were created. A man who truly loves his mother, +wife, sister, or sweetheart never tells a story which lowers her sex in +the eyes of others. He who tells such a story is always lacking in some +one respect, and generally it is common decency. I have dwelt upon this +point because I should like young fellows to believe more firmly than +they do that it is not "caddishness" or<a name="page_143" id="page_143"></a> "babyishness" or +"goody-goodyness" to refuse to listen to a story which makes light of +women; it is one of the manliest qualities which a young fellow can +show, and deep down in his heart every man will respect a young man for +such a position. The higher order of men never forget that, being born +of woman, they owe an obligation to their mother's sex which, as loyal +sons and true gentlemen, forbids them to listen without protest to +offensive stories in which woman is concerned. And no young man can +listen to this class of stories without offending his mother, his +sister, or the girl who a little later will teach him, through her own +sweet life, that whatever is said to the moral detriment of her sex is a +lie, and a reflection upon the two women who, one at the beginning of +his life and the other at its ending, will prove his best friends—his +mother and his wife.</p> + +<p>It has often been said before, but it is one of those truths which can +as often be said<a name="page_144" id="page_144"></a> again, that a woman is a man's truest and most loving +friend, first, last, and all the time. And particularly is this so of a +mother. I know perfectly well that young men are apt sometimes to think +that their mothers are unreasonable. And they are, sometimes, +undoubtedly, and a little selfish, too. But one point must not be +forgotten: it is an unreasonableness and a selfishness born of a +mother's surest instinct for the best interests of her boy. I can look +back to my earliest years of young manhood and see where, again and +again, I thought my mother was either wrong or unreasonable or prone to +be a trifle too cautious. But I can also look back now, and I cannot see +one instance in which after-events did not prove her to be right. And +to-day it is easy to say that if it has been given me to achieve even +the smallest measure of success in my life thus far, it is all and +entirely due to the influence of my mother, and to my absolute +confidence in<a name="page_145" id="page_145"></a> that influence. No woman has been so much to me, no woman +is more to me at this moment that I write, than she who is my mother, my +confidante, my truest and best friend—always watchful, always loving, +always true, always the same. And gladly do I write this loving tribute +to her, grateful that I can place it in her hands rather than on her +grave.</p> + +<p>There is no deeper or greater satisfaction to a man than to be able to +have his mother live to see him fairly launched on a successful career +of usefulness. If his father dies before he has made his mark in the +world he does not seem to feel it so keenly. But somehow he always wants +his mother to live long enough to see for herself that she did not give +him life for naught, and that the world is a little better off for the +being which she gave unto it. There wells up within his nature a +peculiar sense of pride when some day his mother comes quietly to him, +and<a name="page_146" id="page_146"></a> putting her arms around his neck, says, with all the tenderness of +a mother's love, "You have done well, my boy. Now I am content to go." +No matter how hard a man may have worked, such approval comes to him as +his sweetest and richest reward. The applause of the world is little +compared with such a motherly benediction, and more precious to him is +the remembrance of that short sentence in after years than all the +honors that can be showered upon him or the riches that may come to him. +It has been my privilege to hear this sacred thought from the lips of +more than one of the most famous of American men—men who are to-day +leaders in their professions, others who have gone to their graves +crowned with the ripest honors and fullest laurels of the world.</p> + +<p>For men, even in their most mature years, are, after all, nothing but +grown boys. The fond stroke of a mother's hand is as welcome at forty as +at fourteen. The world never looks so bright to a man as when he sits<a name="page_147" id="page_147"></a> +at his mother's side with her arms around him. A woman never seems so +gentle as when she fondly strokes the recreant lock from his brow, after +a trying day, and says, in that voice so familiar, but ever sweet, "You +are tired, are you not, dear?" Ah, those women who come into a room when +a man is almost worn out, and bring new life and new hope and new spirit +with them! Those God-inspired mothers who say so much in a smile, who +speak so lovingly to us in a look, who send a thrill of confidence +through a man in a tender pressure of the hand! They know us so well. +They knew us when we were children, but how much better they know us +when we are men! We try to convince them that we are no longer boys, but +only a quiet little smile and a fond little petting shows us the fallacy +of our own words. They stroke our cheeks, and somehow the mind seems +more restful and the brain ceases to throb. The things we try to hide +from them are the very things we tell them about.<a name="page_148" id="page_148"></a> They know with a +single look just what is troubling us, and although they never ask us, +we pour out to them our worries just as we did when we were children. +The quarrels of the playground have only become the worries of business, +and the baby of the cradle has simply become the baby of the mother's +heart.</p> + +<p>It is easy for a man to think well of woman when he can look at her +through the eyes of a good mother. And it is this which I want every +young fellow to do. His mother should be the central figure of womanhood +to him—his ideal, his standard; and while necessarily other women will +suffer in comparison, it will only be in the respect that to the one he +is a son, while to the others he is a man. The tenderest solicitude +which a young man can show to his mother, the most unremitting care he +can give her, are none too good for the life he owes to her. And the +more tender his feelings for her the stronger he will find his faith +grow in her<a name="page_149" id="page_149"></a> sex. There is no influence to be compared with that of a +good woman over the life of a young man. It means everything to him, his +success in every phase of life. Men are by nature coarse and brutal; it +is the influence of woman which softens them. And we ought to be +softened as much as we can. The good Lord knows we need it badly enough. +But no influence is productive of the best and surest results unless we +make ourselves susceptible to it. If we lack faith in woman, if we fail +in the right ideal of womanhood, all her influence will be as naught +upon us. From the beginning of the world woman has been man's leader. +She has made him what he is to-day. All the qualities which we admire in +men come from woman's influence. And a young man starting out in life +cannot trust to an influence so sure and so safe as that which comes to +him from the being of whose life he is a part, or in whose heart he +finds a supreme place. Man's best friend is the woman who loves<a name="page_150" id="page_150"></a> him. +That should be the faith of every young man toward woman; that should be +his absolute conviction, and he should show it by an attitude of respect +and deference toward her.</p> + +<p><a name="page_152" id="page_152"></a></p> + +<p><a name="page_153" id="page_153"></a><a name="page_151" id="page_151"></a></p> + +<h3><a name="IX" id="IX"></a>IX<br /><br /> +THE QUESTION OF MARRIAGE</h3> + +<p class="nind"><span class="letra"><img src="images/ill-n.jpg" width="70" +height="71" alt="N" title="N" /></span>ECESSARILY the question of marriage to a young man is an important +one—perhaps the most important that is given him to solve when he +reaches a marriageable age. To some young men it is easy of solution. +They fall in love with some girl who occupies their every thought, they +are married, and, as the story-books generally have it, "they live +happily ever afterward." But to others it takes the form of a problem. +They are troubled with sentimental perplexities; and if these do not +enter into the matter, then it is either a question of the right girl, +the means with which to marry, or the proper age. That the matter<a name="page_154" id="page_154"></a> takes +on one of these phases with the majority of young men there can be no +doubt, since few men marry the girl who first strikes their fancy.</p> + +<p>The first point to present in this question of marriage is the principle +of it: that it is unquestionably for the good of almost every young man +that he shall marry. There are no two sides to this for the great +majority of young men. Of course there are reasons why a man, in some +special instance, should choose to lead a single life; in fact, there +are excellent reasons why it is best that some men should. I have known +men to have inner conflicts with themselves for years, and then +resolutely decide upon celibacy. Such decisions make heroes of some men. +There are circumstances which sometimes enter into a man's life that +make celibacy judicious and wise—circumstances not of his own choosing. +There are men whose lofty estimate of women will not permit of their +asking a woman to share what God in his wisdom<a name="page_155" id="page_155"></a> has chosen to have them +bear. That type of men exists. But to the majority of men it is decreed +to marry and that they shall live in marriage.</p> + +<p>When a young man deliberately lays out for himself a single life based +upon any other than the strongest physical or mental reasons, he makes +the mistake of his lifetime. If a young man refuses to marry because of +a lack of faith in womanhood, or a distrust of the existence of those +qualities generally attributed to woman, he errs, and he errs fatally. +And the best evidence of this is found in the incontrovertible fact that +the happiest men in the world to-day are the men who have believed in +good womanhood, and have shown that belief by taking a good woman into +their hearts and homes. There can be no disputing the fact that a man's +life is never complete in its fullest happiness until that life is made +whole and complete by the love of a true woman. The simplest reference +to the history of men since the creation<a name="page_156" id="page_156"></a> of the world will demonstrate +the truth of this assertion. Man has done nothing without woman; without +her counsel he has become as a cipher in the world. Left alone, aside +from the question of influence, he is helpless. No man ever lived who +knows, for example, how to take care of himself. The absence of a wife +from home has demonstrated to many a man how large and important a part +she is of it and of him. The right kind of a wife knows better what is +essential to her husband's comfort than he does himself—far better. He +waits for illness to come, and then combats it, frequently when too +late. But the wife sees the symptoms and uses preventives. Her keen +insight tells her that her husband is unwell when sometimes he is not +conscious of it himself. Women, we are told, know little of business; +yet when business troubles come to a man a good wife is the source of +all comfort to him. When he despairs she is hopeful. By her influence, +perhaps, more than<a name="page_157" id="page_157"></a> by what she actually accomplishes, she brings new +hope, new courage, and points the way to a new beginning. How often +women have been the means of averting business disasters or the +multiplying of failures with further implications the world will never +know; but there are men who know it, and they are the men of whom to +ask, "Is marriage a failure?"</p> + +<p>It is an unfortunate fact that some men never get to a point where they +understand woman. And yet to know woman, to properly understand her, to +correctly interpret her best motives, is the deepest lesson that life +can teach a man. Every man with a fair mind who clasps a good woman to +his breast and calls her mother, wife, or sister will understand the +import of these words. How a man can be a hater of woman I cannot +conceive when through her so much can be added to his life. Nothing is +such an incentive to a man to make the best of himself as the knowledge +that there is<a name="page_158" id="page_158"></a> some one in the world who believes he is just the +cleverest fellow alive; that there are eyes, far lovelier than all the +stars in heaven to him, which sparkle at his coming; that there is a +loving, womanly heart which beats quicker at the sound of his footsteps; +that there is a nature ever ready to sympathize with him in his troubles +and gladden at his victories—a dear, sweet, loving woman, who laughs +with him, and puts her soft, loving arms around him when he is in +trouble, rouses him to his better self, making him feel that, after all, +this world is not such a bad place to live in. This, as many a man +knows, is not a picture drawn from fancy; it finds its living reflection +in thousands of homes all through this land and across the sea, in homes +where men are happiest and where women are most content.</p> + +<p>The bachelor is ofttimes happy in his single state—that is, for a +bachelor. He may console himself with the reflection that he accounts +only to himself, that he is his<a name="page_159" id="page_159"></a> own master, can go where he will and do +as he chooses so long as he obeys the laws of society and of the land; +but in his heart he knows he is but half of a complete thing. He knows +that there is something lacking in his life which, if supplied, would +make the complete whole. Business success may come to him, wealth may be +his; but one way or another he feels the absence of some one to enjoy +his successes with him. He wonders why it is that he does not always put +forth his best efforts. He marvels whether, after all, a man does not +need something outside of himself to draw him on and incite him to his +utmost exertions. He may be courted for his money, he may have +friendships innumerable, every comfort may be in his rooms; yet moments +come to him when persistent thought points to something lacking in his +life to round it out. Travel as he will, live on the best the world can +provide, he feels, as I have heard it said of the millionaire owner of +one of the greatest newspapers in<a name="page_160" id="page_160"></a> the land, roaming from one land to +another, that few men are ofttimes more miserable in their daily lives +than is he. He has everything the heart can wish for; more wealth than +he can spend; costly residences on this side of the ocean and on the +other; swift yachts are his, and swifter horses. Yet, while driving one +day, and seeing in a passing carriage a man of his acquaintance sitting +beside a devoted wife and two children, he said to a friend, "That man's +whole fortune is not one half of my yearly income, and yet his life is a +far happier one." And when his friend asked him in what the other's +happiness exceeded his, James Gordon Bennett replied, "In having a good +wife, and a lovely child for each knee."</p> + +<p>Of the wisdom of marriage itself there can be no question. The knotty +little problems which enter into it are another matter. Some of them +find expression in the choice of the right girl. And here, naturally, is +a question which no one can decide for another. It is a<a name="page_161" id="page_161"></a> man's heart +which directs him to the woman whom he wants for his wife, never the +finger of the adviser. "Love pointeth surely" is an old proverb, and it +is as true to-day as upon the day it was written. Many a young man, +however, stands undecided on this question of marriage. He believes that +the only holy marriage, the only marriage from which can spring +happiness, is that born of love. The girl with whom such a marriage is +possible is perhaps within his eye. He loves her, he feels, and yet he +hesitates. Why he hesitates he cannot sometimes explain. Sometimes there +is another girl in the case, whom he acknowledges to himself he does not +love quite so well, and yet he feels that she would bring to him +something that the other girl does not: a certain social advancement, +perhaps, a furtherance of his business interests, or an advantage of one +kind or another. Again, there are young men who feel drawn toward +accepting the girl of their own heart and choice, but are withheld by<a name="page_162" id="page_162"></a> +parental opposition, or, if not exactly opposition, that parental +indifference or coldness which is even more chilling and killing than +open antagonism. They want the girl, and yet they do not want to offend +their parents; or perhaps, as in some cases, it is friends that are +considered. And so hesitancy and perplexity come in. The heart leads one +way, some other interest or consideration draws another.</p> + +<p>It is to the mind of such a young man that a girl awakens divers +feelings, many of which are mistaken for love. It is love which draws +him one way; it is an inherent sense of mere possession that draws him +the other. And I am very free in saying that some young men are actuated +in marrying simply because of this sense of mere possession. Nor do I +mean the word "possession" here as applying to property. To marry a girl +for her money is the most contemptuous act of which a man can be +capable. It dwarfs him and it dwarfs the woman upon whom he inflicts<a name="page_163" id="page_163"></a> +the wrong. But it is the notion which gets into the heads of so many +young men to marry a girl because of the possession of some trait, some +art, some grace, which they have not themselves, and the girl's +possession of it attracts them. Sometimes it is the girl's talent; at +other times her education, or her traveled knowledge; again it is her +beauty, her social graces, her ability to appear well, to dress well, to +entertain well. The young man associates such a girl in his mind as a +part of an establishment which is the dream of his young manhood. She +would look well; she would always be able to entertain his friends, to +help him in achieving a certain position; and he feels that he would be +proud of her. And he would. But the satisfaction of a mere pride is not +the satisfaction of the heart. Pride is very easily satisfied; and when +it is satisfied it generally departs. In a few years he will want +something more than an ornament to his home, and then he will find it +wanting. For only<a name="page_164" id="page_164"></a> in rare cases do we find the useful and the +ornamental combined in a single woman. To marry a girl because of some +possession; because he simply likes her better, perhaps, than he does +other girls; because, maybe, he respects, fancies, or admires her; +because she seems to sympathize with him, is to establish a wrong basis +for a happy marriage. Not one of these emotions can form the foundation +for any truly happy marriage. They are things which appeal to us in any +dear friend, man or woman. The girl who is to be a young man's companion +for life, to be with him and of him as long as she or he may live, and +to be the sharer of his joys or sorrows, to be a daughter to his mother +and a mother to his children, must awaken other emotions in a young +man's heart. She must awaken that true, affectionate love out of which +all of the things of which I have spoken spring, but none of which alone +or combined constitutes love itself.</p> + +<p>The girl that a young man should marry,<a name="page_165" id="page_165"></a> and the only girl he is safe to +marry, is she who fills all his life, his every thought, who guides him +in his every act, whose face comes before him in everything that he +does—the girl, in short, without whom he feels life would be a blank, +without whom he could not live. That is the girl whom he loves, and it +makes little difference whether such a girl be rich or poor, talented or +not, traveled or untraveled. Enough is it for him if she is affectionate +in her nature, sympathetic with his work, responsive to his thoughts, +appreciative of his best qualities. These are the traits in a woman +which last the longest, and remain with a man throughout his life. They +are the traits in women which make good wives and better mothers. +Knowledge is a good thing in a woman, but affection is infinitely +better. Far wiser is the young man who marries the stupidest girl in the +world, if she be affectionate, than he who marries the brightest girl in +the universe, if she be cold, clammy, and unresponsive<a name="page_166" id="page_166"></a> in her +disposition. We laugh at sentiment, we men, when we are young; when we +have lived a lifetime we reverence it, and the jest becomes the tribute.</p> + +<p>Another point, as I hinted above, which sometimes enters into a young +man's thoughts of marriage is what is called by the world the "social +station" of the girl he loves. Now what is termed "social station" is a +very difficult thing to define. The habit of social distinction which so +many families endeavor to engender and develop in contemplated marriage +is, I think, one of the most unfortunate tendencies of the times. A +social aristocracy has always been impossible in America, and it is +never more impossible than at the present time. We need not be +extremists in our beliefs, and refuse to admit that there exist grades +and classes in American society. Our social lines are sufficiently drawn +for individual protection, as they rightly should be, and must be in any +great nation. But for any grade of society to<a name="page_167" id="page_167"></a> refuse a humane and +proper recognition to a girl foreign, perhaps, to our special modes of +living, is a piece of snobbery unworthy of any American family which +thrives and prospers under American privileges and resources. We have in +this country a class of people whose social standards are beneath +contempt, and who consider it almost infectious to brush their mantles +against the plainer cloaks of what they choose to call "the lower +classes." We can, if we so choose, amuse ourselves in this country by +believing that there is such a thing as American lineage. But when we +permit this harmless amusement to become a settled belief and seriously +discuss it, as I have heard it in some drawing-rooms, the matter passes +out of the amusing and assumes the ridiculous. The great social strength +of this country, the real substantial strength, hope, and life of this +nation, lies with what is designated as the great average middle class; +and from this class springs not only the mental,<a name="page_168" id="page_168"></a> physical, and moral +bone and sinew of this republic, but the best type of womanhood which +ornaments the American home to-day. The man or woman who to-day sneers +at or casts a discreditable innuendo upon that class stamps himself or +herself unworthy of being classed among intelligent people.</p> + +<p>The truest, best, and sweetest type of the American girl of to-day does +not come from the home of wealth; she steps out from a home where exists +comfort rather than luxuries. She belongs to the great middle +class—that class which has given us the best American wifehood; which +has given help-mates to the foremost American men of our time; which +teaches its daughters the true meaning of love; which teaches the +manners of the drawing-room, but the practical life of the kitchen as +well; which teaches its girls the responsibilities of wifehood and the +greatness of motherhood. These girls may not ride in their carriages, +they may not wear the most expensive gowns, they may even help a<a name="page_169" id="page_169"></a> little +to enlarge the family income; but these girls are to-day the great +bulwark of American society, not only present, but of the future. They +represent the American home and what is best and truest in sweet +domestic life, and they make the best wives for our American men. I have +no patience with those theories that would seek to place the average +American girl in any other position than that which she occupies, +ornaments, and rightfully holds: the foremost place in our respect, our +admiration, and our love. She is not the society girl of the day, and +she is better for it. She knows no superficial life; she knows only the +life in a home where husband, wife, and children are one in love, one in +thoughts, and one in every action. She believes no woman to be so sweet +as her mother; no man so good as her father. She believes that there are +good women and true men in the world, and her belief is right. And that +young man will ever be happiest who takes such a girl for his wife.<a name="page_170" id="page_170"></a></p> + +<p>I seek not to disparage the home life of the wealthy of our land. Some +of my best friends live in homes of luxury, are deemed by the world +wealthy and fortunate, and the atmosphere of their homes is as pure and +elevating as is their family life representative of every element that +makes good women and men. Nor have I one word to say against honest +ancestral pride. On the contrary, I believe in it. I think if we had +more of it in this country it would be better. It is one of the greatest +stimulants to a young man to know that he comes of a good family and +that he is expected to so carry himself as to add respect and pride to +the name of his family. A good family name is one of the strongest +safeguards to a young man's respectability. We cannot underestimate the +value of heredity. We should be proud of an honorable ancestry. But we +should not boast of it, or use it to a detrimental comparison of the +ancestry of others. That spirit is vulgar; certainly it is un-American.<a name="page_171" id="page_171"></a></p> + +<p>Nor should any of us, who have been a little more favored with this +world's goods, refuse to recognize good in those not possessed of equal +possessions. I care not how tenderly the favored son of a wealthy home +may have been reared; with what care and precision his mental and moral +development may have been guarded and watched; what hopes may be +centered in him: I will match his worth any hour of the day with a girl +from a plainer home and of lesser advantages. "But her social position?" +the proud mother asks. Social station? What is social station? So long +as a girl is respectable, so long as she is good, so long as she is a +loving, tender, and true woman, by what social standard can she be +measured? What right have we to apply superficial standards to worth and +character? What comparison can a social standard bear to the highest +standard of morality, to good womanhood, to the best wifehood, to the +truest conception of motherhood? Is the girl in an office less of a +woman than the girl<a name="page_172" id="page_172"></a> who rides in her carriage? Is she less capable of +making a good wife? Why do we marry? To please society? To uphold social +standards as false as they are mythical? False pride has made enough +trouble in this world without letting it bring grief into our homes. Let +the young men of this country be sufficiently broad-minded not to +measure a girl by her surroundings, but to judge her for herself. True +worth lasts longer and wears to the end. The loving heart of a good girl +is better than all the wealth and social accomplishments which she can +bring to a man. It is something that comes back to a man three hundred +and sixty-five times in a year. We can get along with a little money in +this world if we will; but love is a quality of which we can scarce have +too much.</p> + +<p>And when the conditions are reversed, and the young man's income or +financial possessions are taken into account, the same general principle +is true. There is not a more<a name="page_173" id="page_173"></a> cruel standard by which to measure a young +man than the position he is able to offer the girl of his choice. I am +not an advocate of the "love-in-a-cottage" theory by any means; but I do +believe in the good old-fashioned theory of a young couple starting out +in the world with a moderate income, and then climbing upward together. +I know this sounds visionary, and like the sort of reading we find in +stories; but the truth is there just the same. I give it as my earnest +conviction that a young girl will be far safer in the hands of a young +man born of parents in moderate circumstances, honest in his principles, +energetic and industrious, than she would with a young man who has known +only the luxuries of life, and to whom work is an incidental matter +rather than the aim and purpose of life. I do not care how poor a young +man may be; if he has good health, sound principles, is respectful of +sacred things, is temperate in his habits, and is not afraid to work, +and work hard, and face the<a name="page_174" id="page_174"></a> world with a determination to succeed, that +young man can be trusted with the best and sweetest girl ever reared in +an American home.</p> + +<p>At the same time I believe that no young man has a right to ask a girl +to be his wife until he has reached a certain point in his life. And I +would apply this both to his age and to his prospects. As to age, I +think a young man should wait until he is at least twenty-five before he +marries. Before that time his impressions and his fancies are apt to be +fleeting. He drifts and flounders in almost everything he +does—wife-choosing included—before he is twenty-five. He himself +rarely knows what he wants in anything. He does not know the world nor +its people. He may think he does—a young man between eighteen and +twenty-five generally does—but he does not all the same. It requires +him to reach and pass the twenty-five-year period to find out how little +he knew before. After he passes twenty-five he begins<a name="page_175" id="page_175"></a> to learn, and +from that time things come to have a meaning to him. The difference +before and after this twenty-five-year period is that before he is +twenty-five he wonders that he is so much more mature than others and +knows so much; while after he passes twenty-five he wonders that he is +so immature and knows so little. And when a young man reaches that point +where he is convinced that he knows very little, then his time of +learning commences. Young men generally think they know "a great deal +about girls" when they are twenty-one, and can easily choose a wife. But +the wisdom of twenty-one on that point is a little slippery, and I would +advise no young man to test it.</p> + +<p>Then, too, a young man has no conception of his capabilities before he +reaches twenty-five. He has no fixed purpose in mind; he has no idea +what he is capable of doing; he does not know the business world nor its +chances. He has had no opportunity of showing his employers his capacity +to fill a<a name="page_176" id="page_176"></a> more important position. He has, therefore, no practical idea +of his prospects, and he can form none. The period between the ages of +twenty and twenty-five is the formative period in his life, and during +that time it is better that he has no additional responsibilities upon +him other than his own struggles will demand. But when he reaches +twenty-five he generally begins to develop. His opinions on matters +begin to be listened to—casually, it is true, at first, but they +command attention, nevertheless, where formerly they were ignored, and +justly so. From this time his career begins, and he can, with a greater +degree of accuracy, decide for himself whether he can ask the girl of +his choice to share his life with him. Between twenty-five and thirty a +young man should, if he hopes to amount to anything, choose his path in +life and test his capabilities. And then it is that the love of a good +wife and her counsel will mean everything to him. If we look at current +statistics we find at once that the greater<a name="page_177" id="page_177"></a> majority—I think it is +something like seventy per cent.—of our young men are marrying between +twenty-five and thirty, with a leaning toward the latter age. Years ago +it was different, and the marrying age for young men was between +twenty-two and twenty-five.</p> + +<p>But, likewise, a young man cannot afford to wait too long in this +question of marriage; and when I say too long I mean beyond the age of +thirty. After a man passes thirty years his habits are very likely to +become fixed, and from that time it will be harder for him each year to +tear away from his bachelor habits. For marriage demands a few +sacrifices from a man, and he must be prepared to meet them, just as the +girl gives up many of her girlish pleasures. Marriage is not a lark, as +some young people are apt to suppose, and it should not be entered into +just for the fun of the thing, nor for the sake of being married. Better +is it for a young man never to marry than to marry simply for<a name="page_178" id="page_178"></a> the sake +of marrying, or because he feels that he is getting along in years.</p> + +<p>There is only one safe rule for a young man to follow in this whole +question of marriage, and it solves the problem of the girl and the age: +wait until the right girl comes along and then marry her. But, if +possible, don't marry her this side of twenty years, and don't you marry +this side of twenty-five.</p> + +<p>Regarding the question of engagements, I believe thoroughly in their +short duration. This whole question of matrimonial engagements might be +changed somewhat by young people themselves, and to their own benefit. +In many cases the young become engaged too soon, and then they are +restless because they cannot marry; whereas, if the period of +acquaintanceship were made longer, and the engagement time shorter, +things would be much improved. Long engagements are never advisable; in +fact, they are bad from every point of view; long periods of +acquaintance previous to an engagement are far<a name="page_179" id="page_179"></a> better. So far as +actually knowing each other is concerned—well, for that matter, what +woman has ever known a man until after she is married to him, or what +man has ever known a woman?</p> + +<p>Touching the question of a young man's income when he marries, no rule +can be laid down. There are thousands of married people who are living +the happiest of lives on six hundred dollars per year, while there are +thousands, on the other hand, who struggle to keep out of debt on six +thousand a year. And so it goes. Everything depends upon the people. +Hundreds of men constantly ask the question, "Can I marry on six +hundred, eight hundred, or a thousand dollars per year?" No one can +determine this question but the young fellow himself, and particularly +the girl whom he loves. As I wrote to a young fellow who asked me if I +believed it would be safe for him to marry on a thousand dollars per +year, so do I say to all young men who are asking the<a name="page_180" id="page_180"></a> question, +irrespective of the amount involved: no one can tell you. You and the +girl in question must settle that. But, on general principles, I think +the sooner we look at this question of marriage from some other than +this strictly mercenary standpoint the better. I do not believe, as I +said a few paragraphs back, in the theory of love in a cottage, with +nothing else. But I do believe in young people starting at the lowest +rung in the ladder and then climbing up. Nothing else in the world knits +the interests of two people so closely together, or insures such +absolute happiness in the future as their lives progress. I cannot +advise any young fellow what to do, but I know if I were earning six +hundred, eight hundred, or a thousand dollars a year, and I really loved +a girl—felt, in other words, as if I could not live without her—and +the girl was of the right kind—that is, sensible in her ideas, frugal +in her tastes, and of a marriageable age—I would let her settle my +doubt<a name="page_181" id="page_181"></a> for me. Girls have a very interesting way of settling doubts of +this kind—when they are fond of the fellow in doubt. One thing is +certain: the greatest safety in this world for a man is to place his +interests in the keeping of the woman who loves him.</p> + +<p>These are the only points which I or any other writer can possibly +advance regarding this question of marriage. Every young man must +necessarily settle it for himself; all that a writer can do is to lay +down the best and what he considers to be the safest general principles, +and each reader must apply those principles to his own individual needs +and condition.</p> + +<p>But there is one thing which a writer can safely do, and that is to +counsel in every young man a firm belief in womanhood and an honest +faith in marriage. He must not paint the marriage relation all of a +rose-colored hue. Necessarily it has its purple lights; sometimes its +black shadows. No condition of life is without its little trials, its<a name="page_182" id="page_182"></a> +vexations, or its anxieties, and marriage is not an exception to this +rule. But it is through the marriage state, through the love of woman, +as I have said before, that man has reached his present status. Married +to a woman, he may wonder now and then a little whether she is not +rather expensive. Her ways may not always be his ways. Occasionally he +may frown a little, and perhaps scold a bit. He may leave home in the +morning and go to his office without the customary farewell kiss. He may +sometimes get provoked because she is "so slow in getting ready" when he +goes out with her. He may want to stay at home when she wants to go out. +He may be led to say once in a great while, "Women are queer, and you +are one of the queerest!" He may fly into a passion, only to feel sorry +for it afterward. He may feel piqued at times because she is not home +when he comes from the office; that dinner is not ready just at the +precise moment when he wants it; that she wants to retire<a name="page_183" id="page_183"></a> about three +hours earlier than he does. But, "after all," he says to himself, "I +tell you what, my wife is an angel. She always seems to know what is +best for me, and what is not. She looks at nothing in the light of a +sacrifice. When I have been tired for three hours she keeps going. Well, +she is my daily joy; sick, my comfort, and the best of nurses; in +trouble, my star of hope. When I want to be rash she is cautious. I +could stake my life on the honesty of a man; she, at a glance, has read +his innermost thoughts and knows his character. And take her year in and +year out she is the most patient, most loving, and dearest of women. +Faults? Of course she has, but so have I—lots of them, too. I notice +all she has, but some way or other she never seems to see mine, and +talks only of my best side. And, after all, is she not right?" And then, +as a pair of arms are twined around him from behind, as he sits in a +comfortable chair, a soft, fluffy sleeve just rubs gently against his +face, a pair of eyes<a name="page_184" id="page_184"></a> look into his eyes as he raises them, a pair of +lips lovingly press his, a gentle, loving voice says, "Do you know, +dear, you look very comfortable and happy," everything that is good +swells up in him and finds its expression in the typical Americanism: +"You bet I am!"</p> + +<hr class="full" /> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Successward, by Edward W. 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