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| author | pgww <pgww@lists.pglaf.org> | 2026-07-12 21:58:42 -0700 |
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| committer | pgww <pgww@lists.pglaf.org> | 2026-07-12 21:58:42 -0700 |
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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes index 6833f05..d7b82bc 100644 --- a/.gitattributes +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -1,3 +1,4 @@ -* text=auto -*.txt text -*.md text +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/3695-0.txt b/3695-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7fd1788 --- /dev/null +++ b/3695-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,8752 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 3695 *** + + + + + +EVERY MAN OUT OF HIS HUMOUR + +By Ben Jonson + + + + +INTRODUCTION + +THE greatest of English dramatists except Shakespeare, the first +literary dictator and poet-laureate, a writer of verse, prose, +satire, and criticism who most potently of all the men of his time +affected the subsequent course of English letters: such was Ben +Jonson, and as such his strong personality assumes an interest to +us almost unparalleled, at least in his age. + +Ben Jonson came of the stock that was centuries after to give to +the world Thomas Carlyle; for Jonson's grandfather was of +Annandale, over the Solway, whence he migrated to England. +Jonson's father lost his estate under Queen Mary, "having been cast +into prison and forfeited." He entered the church, but died a +month before his illustrious son was born, leaving his widow and +child in poverty. Jonson's birthplace was Westminster, and the +time of his birth early in 1573. He was thus nearly ten years +Shakespeare's junior, and less well off, if a trifle better born. +But Jonson did not profit even by this slight advantage. His +mother married beneath her, a wright or bricklayer, and Jonson was +for a time apprenticed to the trade. As a youth he attracted the +attention of the famous antiquary, William Camden, then usher at +Westminster School, and there the poet laid the solid foundations +of his classical learning. Jonson always held Camden in +veneration, acknowledging that to him he owed, + +"All that I am in arts, all that I know;" + +and dedicating his first dramatic success, "Every Man in His +Humour," to him. It is doubtful whether Jonson ever went to either +university, though Fuller says that he was "statutably admitted +into St. John's College, Cambridge." He tells us that he took no +degree, but was later "Master of Arts in both the universities, by +their favour, not his study." When a mere youth Jonson enlisted as +a soldier, trailing his pike in Flanders in the protracted wars of +William the Silent against the Spanish. Jonson was a large and +raw-boned lad; he became by his own account in time exceedingly +bulky. In chat with his friend William Drummond of Hawthornden, +Jonson told how "in his service in the Low Countries he had, in the +face of both the camps, killed an enemy, and taken opima spolia +from him;" and how "since his coming to England, being appealed to +the fields, he had killed his adversary which had hurt him in the +arm and whose sword was ten inches longer than his." Jonson's +reach may have made up for the lack of his sword; certainly his +prowess lost nothing in the telling. Obviously Jonson was brave, +combative, and not averse to talking of himself and his doings. + +In 1592, Jonson returned from abroad penniless. Soon after he +married, almost as early and quite as imprudently as Shakespeare. +He told Drummond curtly that "his wife was a shrew, yet honest"; +for some years he lived apart from her in the household of Lord +Albany. Yet two touching epitaphs among Jonson's "Epigrams," "On +my first daughter," and "On my first son," attest the warmth of the +poet's family affections. The daughter died in infancy, the son of +the plague; another son grew up to manhood little credit to his +father whom he survived. We know nothing beyond this of Jonson's +domestic life. + +How soon Jonson drifted into what we now call grandly "the +theatrical profession" we do not know. In 1593, Marlowe made his +tragic exit from life, and Greene, Shakespeare's other rival on the +popular stage, had preceded Marlowe in an equally miserable death +the year before. Shakespeare already had the running to himself. +Jonson appears first in the employment of Philip Henslowe, the +exploiter of several troupes of players, manager, and father-in-law +of the famous actor, Edward Alleyn. From entries in "Henslowe's +Diary," a species of theatrical account book which has been handed +down to us, we know that Jonson was connected with the Admiral's +men; for he borrowed 4 pounds of Henslowe, July 28, 1597, paying +back 3s. 9d. on the same day on account of his "share" (in what is +not altogether clear); while later, on December 3, of the same +year, Henslowe advanced 20s. to him "upon a book which he showed +the plot unto the company which he promised to deliver unto the +company at Christmas next." In the next August Jonson was in +collaboration with Chettle and Porter in a play called "Hot Anger +Soon Cold." All this points to an association with Henslowe of +some duration, as no mere tyro would be thus paid in advance upon +mere promise. From allusions in Dekker's play, "Satiromastix," it +appears that Jonson, like Shakespeare, began life as an actor, and +that he "ambled in a leather pitch by a play-wagon" taking at one +time the part of Hieronimo in Kyd's famous play, "The Spanish +Tragedy." By the beginning of 1598, Jonson, though still in needy +circumstances, had begun to receive recognition. Francis Meres -- +well known for his "Comparative Discourse of our English Poets with +the Greek, Latin, and Italian Poets," printed in 1598, and for his +mention therein of a dozen plays of Shakespeare by title -- accords +to Ben Jonson a place as one of "our best in tragedy," a matter of +some surprise, as no known tragedy of Jonson from so early a date +has come down to us. That Jonson was at work on tragedy, however, +is proved by the entries in Henslowe of at least three tragedies, +now lost, in which he had a hand. These are "Page of Plymouth," +"King Robert II. of Scotland," and "Richard Crookback." But all of +these came later, on his return to Henslowe, and range from August +1599 to June 1602. + +Returning to the autumn of 1598, an event now happened to sever for +a time Jonson's relations with Henslowe. In a letter to Alleyn, +dated September 26 of that year, Henslowe writes: "I have lost one +of my company that hurteth me greatly; that is Gabriel [Spencer], +for he is slain in Hogsden fields by the hands of Benjamin Jonson, +bricklayer." The last word is perhaps Henslowe's thrust at Jonson +in his displeasure rather than a designation of his actual +continuance at his trade up to this time. It is fair to Jonson to +remark however, that his adversary appears to have been a notorious +fire-eater who had shortly before killed one Feeke in a similar +squabble. Duelling was a frequent occurrence of the time among +gentlemen and the nobility; it was an impudent breach of the peace +on the part of a player. This duel is the one which Jonson +described years after to Drummond, and for it Jonson was duly +arraigned at Old Bailey, tried, and convicted. He was sent to +prison and such goods and chattels as he had "were forfeited." It +is a thought to give one pause that, but for the ancient law +permitting convicted felons to plead, as it was called, the benefit +of clergy, Jonson might have been hanged for this deed. The +circumstance that the poet could read and write saved him; and he +received only a brand of the letter "T," for Tyburn, on his left +thumb. While in jail Jonson became a Roman Catholic; but he +returned to the faith of the Church of England a dozen years later. + +On his release, in disgrace with Henslowe and his former +associates, Jonson offered his services as a playwright to +Henslowe's rivals, the Lord Chamberlain's company, in which +Shakespeare was a prominent shareholder. A tradition of long +standing, though not susceptible of proof in a court of law, +narrates that Jonson had submitted the manuscript of "Every Man in +His Humour" to the Chamberlain's men and had received from the +company a refusal; that Shakespeare called him back, read the play +himself, and at once accepted it. Whether this story is true or +not, certain it is that "Every Man in His Humour" was accepted by +Shakespeare's company and acted for the first time in 1598, with +Shakespeare taking a part. The evidence of this is contained in +the list of actors prefixed to the comedy in the folio of Jonson's +works, 1616. But it is a mistake to infer, because Shakespeare's +name stands first in the list of actors and the elder Kno'well +first in the dramatis personae, that Shakespeare took that +particular part. The order of a list of Elizabethan players was +generally that of their importance or priority as shareholders in +the company and seldom if ever corresponded to the list of +characters. + +"Every Man in His Humour" was an immediate success, and with it +Jonson's reputation as one of the leading dramatists of his time +was established once and for all. This could have been by no means +Jonson's earliest comedy, and we have just learned that he was +already reputed one of "our best in tragedy." Indeed, one of +Jonson's extant comedies, "The Case is Altered," but one never +claimed by him or published as his, must certainly have preceded +"Every Man in His Humour" on the stage. The former play may be +described as a comedy modelled on the Latin plays of Plautus. (It +combines, in fact, situations derived from the "Captivi" and the +"Aulularia" of that dramatist). But the pretty story of the +beggar-maiden, Rachel, and her suitors, Jonson found, not among the +classics, but in the ideals of romantic love which Shakespeare had +already popularised on the stage. Jonson never again produced so +fresh and lovable a feminine personage as Rachel, although in other +respects "The Case is Altered" is not a conspicuous play, and, save +for the satirising of Antony Munday in the person of Antonio +Balladino and Gabriel Harvey as well, is perhaps the least +characteristic of the comedies of Jonson. + +"Every Man in His Humour," probably first acted late in the summer +of 1598 and at the Curtain, is commonly regarded as an epoch-making +play; and this view is not unjustified. As to plot, it tells +little more than how an intercepted letter enabled a father to +follow his supposedly studious son to London, and there observe his +life with the gallants of the time. The real quality of this +comedy is in its personages and in the theory upon which they are +conceived. Ben Jonson had theories about poetry and the drama, and +he was neither chary in talking of them nor in experimenting with +them in his plays. This makes Jonson, like Dryden in his time, and +Wordsworth much later, an author to reckon with; particularly when +we remember that many of Jonson's notions came for a time +definitely to prevail and to modify the whole trend of English +poetry. First of all Jonson was a classicist, that is, he believed +in restraint and precedent in art in opposition to the prevalent +ungoverned and irresponsible Renaissance spirit. Jonson believed +that there was a professional way of doing things which might be +reached by a study of the best examples, and he found these +examples for the most part among the ancients. To confine our +attention to the drama, Jonson objected to the amateurishness and +haphazard nature of many contemporary plays, and set himself to do +something different; and the first and most striking thing that he +evolved was his conception and practice of the comedy of humours. + +As Jonson has been much misrepresented in this matter, let us quote +his own words as to "humour." A humour, according to Jonson, was a +bias of disposition, a warp, so to speak, in character by which + + "Some one peculiar quality + Doth so possess a man, that it doth draw + All his affects, his spirits, and his powers, + In their confluctions, all to run one way." + +But continuing, Jonson is careful to add: + + "But that a rook by wearing a pied feather, + The cable hat-band, or the three-piled ruff, + A yard of shoe-tie, or the Switzers knot + On his French garters, should affect a humour! + O, it is more than most ridiculous." + +Jonson's comedy of humours, in a word, conceived of stage +personages on the basis of a ruling trait or passion (a notable +simplification of actual life be it observed in passing); and, +placing these typified traits in juxtaposition in their conflict +and contrast, struck the spark of comedy. Downright, as his name +indicates, is "a plain squire"; Bobadill's humour is that of the +braggart who is incidentally, and with delightfully comic effect, a +coward; Brainworm's humour is the finding out of things to the end +of fooling everybody: of course he is fooled in the end himself. +But it was not Jonson's theories alone that made the success of +"Every Man in His Humour." The play is admirably written and each +character is vividly conceived, and with a firm touch based on +observation of the men of the London of the day. Jonson was +neither in this, his first great comedy (nor in any other play that +he wrote), a supine classicist, urging that English drama return to +a slavish adherence to classical conditions. He says as to the +laws of the old comedy (meaning by "laws," such matters as the +unities of time and place and the use of chorus): "I see not then, +but we should enjoy the same licence, or free power to illustrate +and heighten our invention as they [the ancients] did; and not be +tied to those strict and regular forms which the niceness of a few, +who are nothing but form, would thrust upon us." "Every Man in His +Humour" is written in prose, a novel practice which Jonson had of +his predecessor in comedy, John Lyly. Even the word "humour" seems +to have been employed in the Jonsonian sense by Chapman before +Jonson's use of it. Indeed, the comedy of humours itself is only a +heightened variety of the comedy of manners which represents life, +viewed at a satirical angle, and is the oldest and most persistent +species of comedy in the language. None the less, Jonson's comedy +merited its immediate success and marked out a definite course in +which comedy long continued to run. To mention only Shakespeare's +Falstaff and his rout, Bardolph, Pistol, Dame Quickly, and the +rest, whether in "Henry IV." or in "The Merry Wives of Windsor," +all are conceived in the spirit of humours. So are the captains, +Welsh, Scotch, and Irish of "Henry V.," and Malvolio especially +later; though Shakespeare never employed the method of humours for +an important personage. It was not Jonson's fault that many of his +successors did precisely the thing that he had reprobated, that is, +degrade the humour: into an oddity of speech, an eccentricity of +manner, of dress, or cut of beard. There was an anonymous play +called "Every Woman in Her Humour." Chapman wrote "A Humourous +Day's Mirth," Day, "Humour Out of Breath," Fletcher later, "The +Humourous Lieutenant," and Jonson, besides "Every Man Out of His +Humour," returned to the title in closing the cycle of his comedies +in "The Magnetic Lady or Humours Reconciled." + +With the performance of "Every Man Out of His Humour" in 1599, by +Shakespeare's company once more at the Globe, we turn a new page in +Jonson's career. Despite his many real virtues, if there is one +feature more than any other that distinguishes Jonson, it is his +arrogance; and to this may be added his self-righteousness, +especially under criticism or satire. "Every Man Out of His +Humour" is the first of three "comical satires" which Jonson +contributed to what Dekker called the poetomachia or war of the +theatres as recent critics have named it. This play as a fabric of +plot is a very slight affair; but as a satirical picture of the +manners of the time, proceeding by means of vivid caricature, +couched in witty and brilliant dialogue and sustained by that +righteous indignation which must lie at the heart of all true +satire -- as a realisation, in short, of the classical ideal of +comedy -- there had been nothing like Jonson's comedy since the +days of Aristophanes. "Every Man in His Humour," like the two +plays that follow it, contains two kinds of attack, the critical or +generally satiric, levelled at abuses and corruptions in the +abstract; and the personal, in which specific application is made +of all this in the lampooning of poets and others, Jonson's +contemporaries. The method of personal attack by actual caricature +of a person on the stage is almost as old as the drama. +Aristophanes so lampooned Euripides in "The Acharnians" and +Socrates in "The Clouds," to mention no other examples; and in +English drama this kind of thing is alluded to again and again. +What Jonson really did, was to raise the dramatic lampoon to an +art, and make out of a casual burlesque and bit of mimicry a +dramatic satire of literary pretensions and permanency. With the +arrogant attitude mentioned above and his uncommon eloquence in +scorn, vituperation, and invective, it is no wonder that Jonson +soon involved himself in literary and even personal quarrels with +his fellow-authors. The circumstances of the origin of this +'poetomachia' are far from clear, and those who have written on the +topic, except of late, have not helped to make them clearer. The +origin of the "war" has been referred to satirical references, +apparently to Jonson, contained in "The Scourge of Villainy," a +satire in regular form after the manner of the ancients by John +Marston, a fellow playwright, subsequent friend and collaborator of +Jonson's. On the other hand, epigrams of Jonson have been +discovered (49, 68, and 100) variously charging "playwright" +(reasonably identified with Marston) with scurrility, cowardice, +and plagiarism; though the dates of the epigrams cannot be +ascertained with certainty. Jonson's own statement of the matter +to Drummond runs: "He had many quarrels with Marston, beat him, +and took his pistol from him, wrote his "Poetaster" on him; the +beginning[s] of them were that Marston represented him on the +stage."* + +[footnote] *The best account of this whole subject is to be found +in the edition of "Poetaster" and "Satiromastrix" by J. H. Penniman +in "Belles Lettres Series" shortly to appear. See also his earlier +work, "The War of the Theatres," 1892, and the excellent +contributions to the subject by H. C. Hart in "Notes and Queries," +and in his edition of Jonson, 1906. + +Here at least we are on certain ground; and the principals of the +quarrel are known. "Histriomastix," a play revised by Marston in +1598, has been regarded as the one in which Jonson was thus +"represented on the stage"; although the personage in question, +Chrisogonus, a poet, satirist, and translator, poor but proud, and +contemptuous of the common herd, seems rather a complimentary +portrait of Jonson than a caricature. As to the personages +actually ridiculed in "Every Man Out of His Humour," Carlo Buffone +was formerly thought certainly to be Marston, as he was described +as "a public, scurrilous, and profane jester," and elsewhere as the +grand scourge or second untruss [that is, satirist], of the time +(Joseph Hall being by his own boast the first, and Marston's work +being entitled "The Scourge of Villainy"). Apparently we must now +prefer for Carlo a notorious character named Charles Chester, of +whom gossipy and inaccurate Aubrey relates that he was "a bold +impertinent fellow...a perpetual talker and made a noise like a +drum in a room. So one time at a tavern Sir Walter Raleigh beats +him and seals up his mouth (that is his upper and nether beard) +with hard wax. From him Ben Jonson takes his Carlo Buffone +['i.e.', jester] in "Every Man in His Humour" ['sic']." Is it +conceivable that after all Jonson was ridiculing Marston, and that +the point of the satire consisted in an intentional confusion of +"the grand scourge or second untruss" with "the scurrilous and +profane" Chester? + +We have digressed into detail in this particular case to exemplify +the difficulties of criticism in its attempts to identify the +allusions in these forgotten quarrels. We are on sounder ground of +fact in recording other manifestations of Jonson's enmity. In "The +Case is Altered" there is clear ridicule in the character Antonio +Balladino of Anthony Munday, pageant-poet of the city, translator +of romances and playwright as well. In "Every Man in His Humour" +there is certainly a caricature of Samuel Daniel, accepted poet of +the court, sonneteer, and companion of men of fashion. These men +held recognised positions to which Jonson felt his talents better +entitled him; they were hence to him his natural enemies. It seems +almost certain that he pursued both in the personages of his satire +through "Every Man Out of His Humour," and "Cynthia's Revels," +Daniel under the characters Fastidious Brisk and Hedon, Munday as +Puntarvolo and Amorphus; but in these last we venture on quagmire +once more. Jonson's literary rivalry of Daniel is traceable again +and again, in the entertainments that welcomed King James on his +way to London, in the masques at court, and in the pastoral drama. +As to Jonson's personal ambitions with respect to these two men, it +is notable that he became, not pageant-poet, but chronologer to the +City of London; and that, on the accession of the new king, he came +soon to triumph over Daniel as the accepted entertainer of royalty. + +"Cynthia's Revels," the second "comical satire," was acted in 1600, +and, as a play, is even more lengthy, elaborate, and impossible +than "Every Man Out of His Humour." Here personal satire seems to +have absorbed everything, and while much of the caricature is +admirable, especially in the detail of witty and trenchantly +satirical dialogue, the central idea of a fountain of self-love is +not very well carried out, and the persons revert at times to +abstractions, the action to allegory. It adds to our wonder that +this difficult drama should have been acted by the Children of +Queen Elizabeth's Chapel, among them Nathaniel Field with whom +Jonson read Horace and Martial, and whom he taught later how to +make plays. Another of these precocious little actors was +Salathiel Pavy, who died before he was thirteen, already famed for +taking the parts of old men. Him Jonson immortalised in one of the +sweetest of his epitaphs. An interesting sidelight is this on the +character of this redoubtable and rugged satirist, that he should +thus have befriended and tenderly remembered these little +theatrical waifs, some of whom (as we know) had been literally +kidnapped to be pressed into the service of the theatre and whipped +to the conning of their difficult parts. To the caricature of +Daniel and Munday in "Cynthia's Revels" must be added Anaides +(impudence), here assuredly Marston, and Asotus (the prodigal), +interpreted as Lodge or, more perilously, Raleigh. Crites, like +Asper-Macilente in "Every Man Out of His Humour," is Jonson's +self-complaisant portrait of himself, the just, wholly admirable, +and judicious scholar, holding his head high above the pack of the +yelping curs of envy and detraction, but careless of their puny +attacks on his perfections with only too mindful a neglect. + +The third and last of the "comical satires" is "Poetaster," acted, +once more, by the Children of the Chapel in 1601, and Jonson's only +avowed contribution to the fray. According to the author's own +account, this play was written in fifteen weeks on a report that +his enemies had entrusted to Dekker the preparation of +"Satiromastix, the Untrussing of the Humorous Poet," a dramatic +attack upon himself. In this attempt to forestall his enemies +Jonson succeeded, and "Poetaster" was an immediate and deserved +success. While hardly more closely knit in structure than its +earlier companion pieces, "Poetaster" is planned to lead up to the +ludicrous final scene in which, after a device borrowed from the +"Lexiphanes" of Lucian, the offending poetaster, Marston-Crispinus, +is made to throw up the difficult words with which he had +overburdened his stomach as well as overlarded his vocabulary. In +the end Crispinus with his fellow, Dekker-Demetrius, is bound over +to keep the peace and never thenceforward "malign, traduce, or +detract the person or writings of Quintus Horatius Flaccus [Jonson] +or any other eminent man transcending you in merit." One of the +most diverting personages in Jonson's comedy is Captain Tucca. +"His peculiarity" has been well described by Ward as "a buoyant +blackguardism which recovers itself instantaneously from the most +complete exposure, and a picturesqueness of speech like that of a +walking dictionary of slang." + +It was this character, Captain Tucca, that Dekker hit upon in his +reply, "Satiromastix," and he amplified him, turning his abusive +vocabulary back upon Jonson and adding "an immodesty to his +dialogue that did not enter into Jonson's conception." It has been +held, altogether plausibly, that when Dekker was engaged +professionally, so to speak, to write a dramatic reply to Jonson, +he was at work on a species of chronicle history, dealing with the +story of Walter Terill in the reign of William Rufus. This he +hurriedly adapted to include the satirical characters suggested by +"Poetaster," and fashioned to convey the satire of his reply. The +absurdity of placing Horace in the court of a Norman king is the +result. But Dekker's play is not without its palpable hits at the +arrogance, the literary pride, and self-righteousness of +Jonson-Horace, whose "ningle" or pal, the absurd Asinius Bubo, has +recently been shown to figure forth, in all likelihood, Jonson's +friend, the poet Drayton. Slight and hastily adapted as is +"Satiromastix," especially in a comparison with the better wrought +and more significant satire of "Poetaster," the town awarded the +palm to Dekker, not to Jonson; and Jonson gave over in consequence +his practice of "comical satire." Though Jonson was cited to +appear before the Lord Chief Justice to answer certain charges to +the effect that he had attacked lawyers and soldiers in +"Poetaster," nothing came of this complaint. It may be suspected +that much of this furious clatter and give-and-take was pure +playing to the gallery. The town was agog with the strife, and on +no less an authority than Shakespeare ("Hamlet," ii. 2), we learn +that the children's company (acting the plays of Jonson) did "so +berattle the common stages...that many, wearing rapiers, are afraid +of goose-quills, and dare scarce come thither." + +Several other plays have been thought to bear a greater or less +part in the war of the theatres. Among them the most important is +a college play, entitled "The Return from Parnassus," dating +1601-02. In it a much-quoted passage makes Burbage, as a +character, declare: "Why here's our fellow Shakespeare puts them +all down; aye and Ben Jonson, too. O that Ben Jonson is a +pestilent fellow; he brought up Horace, giving the poets a pill, +but our fellow Shakespeare hath given him a purge that made him +bewray his credit." Was Shakespeare then concerned in this war of +the stages? And what could have been the nature of this "purge"? +Among several suggestions, "Troilus and Cressida" has been thought +by some to be the play in which Shakespeare thus "put down" his +friend, Jonson. A wiser interpretation finds the "purge" in +"Satiromastix," which, though not written by Shakespeare, was +staged by his company, and therefore with his approval and under +his direction as one of the leaders of that company. + +The last years of the reign of Elizabeth thus saw Jonson recognised +as a dramatist second only to Shakespeare, and not second even to +him as a dramatic satirist. But Jonson now turned his talents to +new fields. Plays on subjects derived from classical story and +myth had held the stage from the beginning of the drama, so that +Shakespeare was making no new departure when he wrote his "Julius +Caesar" about 1600. Therefore when Jonson staged "Sejanus," three +years later and with Shakespeare's company once more, he was only +following in the elder dramatist's footsteps. But Jonson's idea of +a play on classical history, on the one hand, and Shakespeare's and +the elder popular dramatists, on the other, were very different. +Heywood some years before had put five straggling plays on the +stage in quick succession, all derived from stories in Ovid and +dramatised with little taste or discrimination. Shakespeare had a +finer conception of form, but even he was contented to take all his +ancient history from North's translation of Plutarch and dramatise +his subject without further inquiry. Jonson was a scholar and a +classical antiquarian. He reprobated this slipshod amateurishness, +and wrote his "Sejanus" like a scholar, reading Tacitus, Suetonius, +and other authorities, to be certain of his facts, his setting, and +his atmosphere, and somewhat pedantically noting his authorities in +the margin when he came to print. "Sejanus" is a tragedy of +genuine dramatic power in which is told with discriminating taste +the story of the haughty favourite of Tiberius with his tragical +overthrow. Our drama presents no truer nor more painstaking +representation of ancient Roman life than may be found in Jonson's +"Sejanus" and "Catiline his Conspiracy," which followed in 1611. A +passage in the address of the former play to the reader, in which +Jonson refers to a collaboration in an earlier version, has led to +the surmise that Shakespeare may have been that "worthier pen." +There is no evidence to determine the matter. + +In 1605, we find Jonson in active collaboration with Chapman and +Marston in the admirable comedy of London life entitled "Eastward +Hoe." In the previous year, Marston had dedicated his +"Malcontent," in terms of fervid admiration, to Jonson; so that the +wounds of the war of the theatres must have been long since healed. +Between Jonson and Chapman there was the kinship of similar +scholarly ideals. The two continued friends throughout life. +"Eastward Hoe" achieved the extraordinary popularity represented in +a demand for three issues in one year. But this was not due +entirely to the merits of the play. In its earliest version a +passage which an irritable courtier conceived to be derogatory to +his nation, the Scots, sent both Chapman and Jonson to jail; but +the matter was soon patched up, for by this time Jonson had +influence at court. + +With the accession of King James, Jonson began his long and +successful career as a writer of masques. He wrote more masques +than all his competitors together, and they are of an extraordinary +variety and poetic excellence. Jonson did not invent the masque; +for such premeditated devices to set and frame, so to speak, a +court ball had been known and practised in varying degrees of +elaboration long before his time. But Jonson gave dramatic value +to the masque, especially in his invention of the antimasque, a +comedy or farcical element of relief, entrusted to professional +players or dancers. He enhanced, as well, the beauty and dignity +of those portions of the masque in which noble lords and ladies +took their parts to create, by their gorgeous costumes and artistic +grouping and evolutions, a sumptuous show. On the mechanical and +scenic side Jonson had an inventive and ingenious partner in Inigo +Jones, the royal architect, who more than any one man raised the +standard of stage representation in the England of his day. Jonson +continued active in the service of the court in the writing of +masques and other entertainments far into the reign of King +Charles; but, towards the end, a quarrel with Jones embittered his +life, and the two testy old men appear to have become not only a +constant irritation to each other, but intolerable bores at court. +In "Hymenaei," "The Masque of Queens," "Love Freed from Ignorance," +"Lovers made Men," "Pleasure Reconciled to Virtue," and many more +will be found Jonson's aptitude, his taste, his poetry and +inventiveness in these by-forms of the drama; while in "The Masque +of Christmas," and "The Gipsies Metamorphosed" especially, is +discoverable that power of broad comedy which, at court as well as +in the city, was not the least element of Jonson's contemporary +popularity. + +But Jonson had by no means given up the popular stage when he +turned to the amusement of King James. In 1605 "Volpone" was +produced, "The Silent Woman" in 1609, "The Alchemist" in the +following year. These comedies, with "Bartholomew Fair," 1614, +represent Jonson at his height, and for constructive cleverness, +character successfully conceived in the manner of caricature, wit +and brilliancy of dialogue, they stand alone in English drama. +"Volpone, or the Fox," is, in a sense, a transition play from the +dramatic satires of the war of the theatres to the purer comedy +represented in the plays named above. Its subject is a struggle of +wit applied to chicanery; for among its dramatis personae, from +the villainous Fox himself, his rascally servant Mosca, Voltore +(the vulture), Corbaccio and Corvino (the big and the little +raven), to Sir Politic Would-be and the rest, there is scarcely a +virtuous character in the play. Question has been raised as to +whether a story so forbidding can be considered a comedy, for, +although the plot ends in the discomfiture and imprisonment of the +most vicious, it involves no mortal catastrophe. But Jonson was on +sound historical ground, for "Volpone" is conceived far more +logically on the lines of the ancients' theory of comedy than was +ever the romantic drama of Shakespeare, however repulsive we may +find a philosophy of life that facilely divides the world into the +rogues and their dupes, and, identifying brains with roguery and +innocence with folly, admires the former while inconsistently +punishing them. + +"The Silent Woman" is a gigantic farce of the most ingenious +construction. The whole comedy hinges on a huge joke, played by a +heartless nephew on his misanthropic uncle, who is induced to take +to himself a wife, young, fair, and warranted silent, but who, in +the end, turns out neither silent nor a woman at all. In "The +Alchemist," again, we have the utmost cleverness in construction, +the whole fabric building climax on climax, witty, ingenious, and +so plausibly presented that we forget its departures from the +possibilities of life. In "The Alchemist" Jonson represented, none +the less to the life, certain sharpers of the metropolis, revelling +in their shrewdness and rascality and in the variety of the +stupidity and wickedness of their victims. We may object to the +fact that the only person in the play possessed of a scruple of +honesty is discomfited, and that the greatest scoundrel of all is +approved in the end and rewarded. The comedy is so admirably +written and contrived, the personages stand out with such lifelike +distinctness in their several kinds, and the whole is animated with +such verve and resourcefulness that "The Alchemist" is a new marvel +every time it is read. Lastly of this group comes the tremendous +comedy, "Bartholomew Fair," less clear cut, less definite, and less +structurally worthy of praise than its three predecessors, but full +of the keenest and cleverest of satire and inventive to a degree +beyond any English comedy save some other of Jonson's own. It is +in "Bartholomew Fair" that we are presented to the immortal +caricature of the Puritan, Zeal-in-the-Land Busy, and the +Littlewits that group about him, and it is in this extraordinary +comedy that the humour of Jonson, always open to this danger, +loosens into the Rabelaisian mode that so delighted King James in +"The Gipsies Metamorphosed." Another comedy of less merit is "The +Devil is an Ass," acted in 1616. It was the failure of this play +that caused Jonson to give over writing for the public stage for a +period of nearly ten years. + +"Volpone" was laid as to scene in Venice. Whether because of the +success of "Eastward Hoe" or for other reasons, the other three +comedies declare in the words of the prologue to "The Alchemist": + +"Our scene is London, 'cause we would make known +No country's mirth is better than our own." + +Indeed Jonson went further when he came to revise his plays for +collected publication in his folio of 1616, he transferred the +scene of "Every Man in His Humour" from Florence to London also, +converting Signior Lorenzo di Pazzi to Old Kno'well, Prospero to +Master Welborn, and Hesperida to Dame Kitely "dwelling i' the Old +Jewry." + +In his comedies of London life, despite his trend towards +caricature, Jonson has shown himself a genuine realist, drawing +from the life about him with an experience and insight rare in any +generation. A happy comparison has been suggested between Ben +Jonson and Charles Dickens. Both were men of the people, lowly +born and hardly bred. Each knew the London of his time as few men +knew it; and each represented it intimately and in elaborate +detail. Both men were at heart moralists, seeking the truth by the +exaggerated methods of humour and caricature; perverse, even +wrong-headed at times, but possessed of a true pathos and largeness +of heart, and when all has been said -- though the Elizabethan ran +to satire, the Victorian to sentimentality -- leaving the world +better for the art that they practised in it. + +In 1616, the year of the death of Shakespeare, Jonson collected his +plays, his poetry, and his masques for publication in a collective +edition. This was an unusual thing at the time and had been +attempted by no dramatist before Jonson. This volume published, in +a carefully revised text, all the plays thus far mentioned, +excepting "The Case is Altered," which Jonson did not acknowledge, +"Bartholomew Fair," and "The Devil is an Ass," which was written +too late. It included likewise a book of some hundred and thirty +odd "Epigrams," in which form of brief and pungent writing Jonson +was an acknowledged master; "The Forest," a smaller collection of +lyric and occasional verse and some ten "Masques" and +"Entertainments." In this same year Jonson was made poet laureate +with a pension of one hundred marks a year. This, with his fees +and returns from several noblemen, and the small earnings of his +plays must have formed the bulk of his income. The poet appears to +have done certain literary hack-work for others, as, for example, +parts of the Punic Wars contributed to Raleigh's "History of the +World." We know from a story, little to the credit of either, that +Jonson accompanied Raleigh's son abroad in the capacity of a tutor. +In 1618 Jonson was granted the reversion of the office of Master of +the Revels, a post for which he was peculiarly fitted; but he did +not live to enjoy its perquisites. Jonson was honoured with +degrees by both universities, though when and under what +circumstances is not known. It has been said that he narrowly +escaped the honour of knighthood, which the satirists of the day +averred King James was wont to lavish with an indiscriminate hand. +Worse men were made knights in his day than worthy Ben Jonson. + +From 1616 to the close of the reign of King James, Jonson produced +nothing for the stage. But he "prosecuted" what he calls "his +wonted studies" with such assiduity that he became in reality, as +by report, one of the most learned men of his time. Jonson's +theory of authorship involved a wide acquaintance with books and +"an ability," as he put it, "to convert the substance or riches of +another poet to his own use." Accordingly Jonson read not only the +Greek and Latin classics down to the lesser writers, but he +acquainted himself especially with the Latin writings of his +learned contemporaries, their prose as well as their poetry, their +antiquities and curious lore as well as their more solid learning. +Though a poor man, Jonson was an indefatigable collector of books. +He told Drummond that "the Earl of Pembroke sent him 20 pounds every +first day of the new year to buy new books." Unhappily, in 1623, +his library was destroyed by fire, an accident serio-comically +described in his witty poem, "An Execration upon Vulcan." Yet even +now a book turns up from time to time in which is inscribed, in +fair large Italian lettering, the name, Ben Jonson. With respect +to Jonson's use of his material, Dryden said memorably of him: +"[He] was not only a professed imitator of Horace, but a learned +plagiary of all the others; you track him everywhere in their +snow....But he has done his robberies so openly that one sees he +fears not to be taxed by any law. He invades authors like a +monarch, and what would be theft in other poets is only victory in +him." And yet it is but fair to say that Jonson prided himself, +and justly, on his originality. In "Catiline," he not only uses +Sallust's account of the conspiracy, but he models some of the +speeches of Cicero on the Roman orator's actual words. In +"Poetaster," he lifts a whole satire out of Horace and dramatises +it effectively for his purposes. The sophist Libanius suggests the +situation of "The Silent Woman"; a Latin comedy of Giordano Bruno, +"Il Candelaio," the relation of the dupes and the sharpers in "The +Alchemist," the "Mostellaria" of Plautus, its admirable opening +scene. But Jonson commonly bettered his sources, and putting the +stamp of his sovereignty on whatever bullion he borrowed made it +thenceforward to all time current and his own. + +The lyric and especially the occasional poetry of Jonson has a +peculiar merit. His theory demanded design and the perfection of +literary finish. He was furthest from the rhapsodist and the +careless singer of an idle day; and he believed that Apollo could +only be worthily served in singing robes and laurel crowned. And +yet many of Jonson's lyrics will live as long as the language. Who +does not know "Queen and huntress, chaste and fair." "Drink to me +only with thine eyes," or "Still to be neat, still to be dressed"? +Beautiful in form, deft and graceful in expression, with not a word +too much or one that bears not its part in the total effect, there +is yet about the lyrics of Jonson a certain stiffness and +formality, a suspicion that they were not quite spontaneous and +unbidden, but that they were carved, so to speak, with +disproportionate labour by a potent man of letters whose habitual +thought is on greater things. It is for these reasons that Jonson +is even better in the epigram and in occasional verse where +rhetorical finish and pointed wit less interfere with the +spontaneity and emotion which we usually associate with lyrical +poetry. There are no such epitaphs as Ben Jonson's, witness the +charming ones on his own children, on Salathiel Pavy, the +child-actor, and many more; and this even though the rigid law of +mine and thine must now restore to William Browne of Tavistock the +famous lines beginning: "Underneath this sable hearse." Jonson is +unsurpassed, too, in the difficult poetry of compliment, seldom +falling into fulsome praise and disproportionate similitude, yet +showing again and again a generous appreciation of worth in others, +a discriminating taste and a generous personal regard. There was +no man in England of his rank so well known and universally beloved +as Ben Jonson. The list of his friends, of those to whom he had +written verses, and those who had written verses to him, includes +the name of every man of prominence in the England of King James. +And the tone of many of these productions discloses an affectionate +familiarity that speaks for the amiable personality and sound worth +of the laureate. In 1619, growing unwieldy through inactivity, +Jonson hit upon the heroic remedy of a journey afoot to Scotland. +On his way thither and back he was hospitably received at the +houses of many friends and by those to whom his friends had +recommended him. When he arrived in Edinburgh, the burgesses met +to grant him the freedom of the city, and Drummond, foremost of +Scottish poets, was proud to entertain him for weeks as his guest +at Hawthornden. Some of the noblest of Jonson's poems were +inspired by friendship. Such is the fine "Ode to the memory of Sir +Lucius Cary and Sir Henry Moryson," and that admirable piece of +critical insight and filial affection, prefixed to the first +Shakespeare folio, "To the memory of my beloved master, William +Shakespeare, and what he hath left us," to mention only these. Nor +can the earlier "Epode," beginning "Not to know vice at all," be +matched in stately gravity and gnomic wisdom in its own wise and +stately age. + +But if Jonson had deserted the stage after the publication of his +folio and up to the end of the reign of King James, he was far from +inactive; for year after year his inexhaustible inventiveness +continued to contribute to the masquing and entertainment at court. +In "The Golden Age Restored," Pallas turns the Iron Age with +its attendant evils into statues which sink out of sight; in +"Pleasure Reconciled to Virtue," Atlas figures represented as an +old man, his shoulders covered with snow, and Comus, "the god of +cheer or the belly," is one of the characters, a circumstance which +an imaginative boy of ten, named John Milton, was not to forget. +"Pan's Anniversary," late in the reign of James, proclaimed that +Jonson had not yet forgotten how to write exquisite lyrics, and +"The Gipsies Metamorphosed" displayed the old drollery and broad +humorous stroke still unimpaired and unmatchable. These, too, and +the earlier years of Charles were the days of the Apollo Room of +the Devil Tavern where Jonson presided, the absolute monarch of +English literary Bohemia. We hear of a room blazoned about with +Jonson's own judicious "Leges Convivales" in letters of gold, of a +company made up of the choicest spirits of the time, devotedly +attached to their veteran dictator, his reminiscences, opinions, +affections, and enmities. And we hear, too, of valorous potations; +but in the words of Herrick addressed to his master, Jonson, at the +Devil Tavern, as at the Dog, the Triple Tun, and at the Mermaid, + + "We such clusters had + As made us nobly wild, not mad, + And yet each verse of thine + Outdid the meat, outdid the frolic wine." + +But the patronage of the court failed in the days of King Charles, +though Jonson was not without royal favours; and the old poet +returned to the stage, producing, between 1625 and 1633, "The +Staple of News," "The New Inn," "The Magnetic Lady," and "The Tale +of a Tub," the last doubtless revised from a much earlier comedy. +None of these plays met with any marked success, although the +scathing generalisation of Dryden that designated them "Jonson's +dotages" is unfair to their genuine merits. Thus the idea of an +office for the gathering, proper dressing, and promulgation of news +(wild flight of the fancy in its time) was an excellent subject for +satire on the existing absurdities among newsmongers; although +as much can hardly be said for "The Magnetic Lady," who, in her +bounty, draws to her personages of differing humours to reconcile +them in the end according to the alternative title, or "Humours +Reconciled." These last plays of the old dramatist revert to +caricature and the hard lines of allegory; the moralist is more +than ever present, the satire degenerates into personal lampoon, +especially of his sometime friend, Inigo Jones, who appears +unworthily to have used his influence at court against the +broken-down old poet. And now disease claimed Jonson, and he was +bedridden for months. He had succeeded Middleton in 1628 as +Chronologer to the City of London, but lost the post for not +fulfilling its duties. King Charles befriended him, and even +commissioned him to write still for the entertainment of the court; +and he was not without the sustaining hand of noble patrons and +devoted friends among the younger poets who were proud to be +"sealed of the tribe of Ben." + +Jonson died, August 6, 1637, and a second folio of his works, which +he had been some time gathering, was printed in 1640, bearing in +its various parts dates ranging from 1630 to 1642. It included all +the plays mentioned in the foregoing paragraphs, excepting "The +Case is Altered;" the masques, some fifteen, that date between 1617 +and 1630; another collection of lyrics and occasional poetry called +"Underwoods", including some further entertainments; a translation +of "Horace's Art of Poetry" (also published in a vicesimo quarto in +1640), and certain fragments and ingatherings which the poet would +hardly have included himself. These last comprise the fragment +(less than seventy lines) of a tragedy called "Mortimer his Fall," +and three acts of a pastoral drama of much beauty and poetic +spirit, "The Sad Shepherd." There is also the exceedingly +interesting "English Grammar" "made by Ben Jonson for the benefit +of all strangers out of his observation of the English language now +spoken and in use," in Latin and English; and "Timber, or +Discoveries" "made upon men and matter as they have flowed out of +his daily reading, or had their reflux to his peculiar notion of +the times." The "Discoveries," as it is usually called, is a +commonplace book such as many literary men have kept, in which +their reading was chronicled, passages that took their fancy +translated or transcribed, and their passing opinions noted. Many +passages of Jonson's "Discoveries" are literal translations from the +authors he chanced to be reading, with the reference, noted or not, +as the accident of the moment prescribed. At times he follows the +line of Macchiavelli's argument as to the nature and conduct of +princes; at others he clarifies his own conception of poetry and +poets by recourse to Aristotle. He finds a choice paragraph on +eloquence in Seneca the elder and applies it to his own +recollection of Bacon's power as an orator; and another on facile +and ready genius, and translates it, adapting it to his +recollection of his fellow-playwright, Shakespeare. To call such +passages -- which Jonson never intended for publication -- +plagiarism, is to obscure the significance of words. To disparage +his memory by citing them is a preposterous use of scholarship. +Jonson's prose, both in his dramas, in the descriptive comments of +his masques, and in the "Discoveries," is characterised by clarity +and vigorous directness, nor is it wanting in a fine sense of form +or in the subtler graces of diction. + +When Jonson died there was a project for a handsome monument to his +memory. But the Civil War was at hand, and the project failed. A +memorial, not insufficient, was carved on the stone covering his +grave in one of the aisles of Westminster Abbey: + +"O rare Ben Jonson." + +FELIX E. SCHELLING. + +THE COLLEGE, + +PHILADELPHIA, U.S.A. + + +The following is a complete list of his published works: -- + +DRAMAS: + + Every Man in his Humour, 4to, 1601; + The Case is Altered, 4to, 1609; + Every Man out of his Humour, 4to, 1600; + Cynthia's Revels, 4to, 1601; + Poetaster, 4to, 1602; + Sejanus, 4to, 1605; + Eastward Ho (with Chapman and Marston), 4to, 1605; + Volpone, 4to, 1607; + Epicoene, or the Silent Woman, 4to, 1609 (?), fol., 1616; + The Alchemist, 4to, 1612; + Catiline, his Conspiracy, 4to, 1611; + Bartholomew Fayre, 4to, 1614 (?), fol., 1631; + The Divell is an Asse, fol., 1631; + The Staple of Newes, fol., 1631; + The New Sun, 8vo, 1631, fol., 1692; + The Magnetic Lady, or Humours Reconcild, fol., 1640; + A Tale of a Tub, fol., 1640; + The Sad Shepherd, or a Tale of Robin Hood, fol., 1641; + Mortimer his Fall (fragment), fol., 1640. + +To Jonson have also been attributed additions to Kyd's Jeronymo, +and collaboration in The Widow with Fletcher and Middleton, and +in the Bloody Brother with Fletcher. + +POEMS: + +Epigrams, The Forrest, Underwoods, published in fols., 1616, 1640; +Selections: Execration against Vulcan, and Epigrams, 1640; +G. Hor. Flaccus his art of Poetry, Englished by Ben Jonson, 1640; +Leges Convivialis, fol., 1692. +Other minor poems first appeared in Gifford's edition of Works. + +PROSE: + +Timber, or Discoveries made upon Men and Matter, fol., 1641; +The English Grammar, made by Ben Jonson for the benefit of +Strangers, fol., 1640. + +Masques and Entertainments were published in the early folios. + +WORKS: + + Fol., 1616, volume. 2, 1640 (1631-41); + fol., 1692, 1716-19, 1729; + edited by P. Whalley, 7 volumes., 1756; + by Gifford (with Memoir), 9 volumes., 1816, 1846; + re-edited by F. Cunningham, 3 volumes., 1871; + in 9 volumes., 1875; + by Barry Cornwall (with Memoir), 1838; + by B. Nicholson (Mermaid Series), with Introduction by + C. H. Herford, 1893, etc.; + Nine Plays, 1904; + ed. H. C. Hart (Standard Library), 1906, etc; + Plays and Poems, with Introduction by H. Morley (Universal + Library), 1885; + Plays (7) and Poems (Newnes), 1905; + Poems, with Memoir by H. Bennett (Carlton Classics), 1907; + Masques and Entertainments, ed. by H. Morley, 1890. + +SELECTIONS: + + J. A. Symonds, with Biographical and Critical Essay, + (Canterbury Poets), 1886; + Grosart, Brave Translunary Things, 1895; + Arber, Jonson Anthology, 1901; + Underwoods, Cambridge University Press, 1905; + Lyrics (Jonson, Beaumont and Fletcher), the Chap Books, + No. 4, 1906; + Songs (from Plays, Masques, etc.), with earliest known + setting, Eragny Press, 1906. + +LIFE: + + See Memoirs affixed to Works; + J. A. Symonds (English Worthies), 1886; + Notes of Ben Jonson Conversations with Drummond of Hawthornden; + Shakespeare Society, 1842; + ed. with Introduction and Notes by P. Sidney, 1906; + Swinburne, A Study of Ben Jonson, 1889. + + + + + +EVERY MAN OUT OF HIS HUMOUR + + +TO THE NOBLEST NURSERIES OF HUMANITY AND LIBERTY IN THE KINGDOM + +THE INNS OF COURT + +I UNDERSTAND you, Gentlemen, not your houses: and a worthy succession of +you, to all time, as being born the judges of these studies. When I wrote +this poem, I had friendship with divers in your societies; who, as they +were great names in learning, so they were no less examples of living. Of +them, and then, that I say no more, it was not despised. Now that the +printer, by a doubled charge, thinks it worthy a longer life than commonly +the air of such things doth promise, I am careful to put it a servant to +their pleasures, who are the inheritors of the first favour born it. Yet, +I command it lie not in the way of your more noble and useful studies to +the public: for so I shall suffer for it. But when the gown and cap is +off, and the lord of liberty reigns, then, to take it in your hands, +perhaps may make some bencher, tincted with humanity, read and not repent +him. + +By your true honourer, + +BEN JONSON. + + + +DRAMATIS PERSONAE + + ASPER, the Presenter. + MACILENTE. + PUNTARVOLO, -- his Lady. -- Waiting Gent. -- Huntsman. -- + Servingmen. -- Dog and Cat. + CARLO BUFFONE. + FASTIDIOUS BRISK, -- Cinedo, his Page. + DELIRO, FALLACE, -- Fido, their Servant. -- Musicians. + SAVIOLINA. + SORDIDO. -- His Hind. + FUNGOSO. -- Tailor, Haberdasher, Shoemaker + SOGLIARDO. + SHIFT. -- Rustics. + NOTARY. + CLOVE, ORANGE. -- A Groom. -- Drawers. -- Constable, and Officers. + GREX. -- CORDATUS -- MITIS. + + + +THE CHARACTERS OF THE PERSONS + +ASPER, he is of an ingenious and free spirit, eager and constant in +reproof, without fear controlling the world's abuses. One whom no servile +hope of gain, or frosty apprehension of danger, can make to be a parasite, +either to time, place, or opinion. + +MACILENTE, a man well parted, a sufficient scholar, and travail'd; who, +wanting that place in the world's account which he thinks his merit capable +of, falls into such an envious apoplexy, with which his judgment is so +dazzled and distasted, that he grows violently impatient of any opposite +happiness in another. + +PUNTARVOLO, a vain-glorious knight, over-englishing his travels, and wholly +consecrated to singularity; the very Jacob's staff of compliment; a sir +that hath lived to see the revolution of time in most of his apparel. Of +presence good enough, but so palpably affected to his own praise, that for +want of flatterers he commends himself, to the floutage of his own family. +He deals upon returns, and strange performances, resolving, in despite of +public derision, to stick to his own fashion, phrase, and gesture. + +CARLO BUFFONE, a public, scurrilous, and profane jester, that more swift +than Circe, with absurd similes, will transform any person into deformity. +A good feast-hound or banquet-beagle, that will scent you out a supper some +three miles off, and swear to his patrons, damn him! he came in oars, when +he was but wafted over in a sculler. A slave that hath an extraordinary +gift in pleasing his palate, and will swill up more sack at a sitting than +would make all the guard a posset. His religion is railing, and his +discourse ribaldry. + +FASTIDIOUS BRISK, a neat, spruce, affecting courtier, one that wears +clothes well, and in fashion; practiseth by his glass how to salute; speaks +good remnants, notwithstanding the base viol and tobacco; swears tersely +and with variety; cares not what lady's favour he belies, or great man's +familiarity: a good property to perfume the boot of a coach. He will +borrow another man's horse to praise, and backs him as his own. Or, for a +need, on foot can post himself into credit with his merchant, only with the +gingle of his spur, and the jerk of his wand. + +DELIRO, a good doting citizen, who, it is thought, might be of the +common-council for his wealth; a fellow sincerely besotted on his own wife, +and so wrapt with a conceit of her perfections, that he simply holds +himself unworthy of her. And, in that hood-wink'd humour, lives more like +a suitor than a husband; standing in as true dread of her displeasure, as +when he first made love to her. He doth sacrifice two-pence in juniper to +her every morning before she rises, and wakes her with +villainous-out-of-tune music, which she out of her contempt (though not out +of her judgment) is sure to dislike. + +FALLACE, Deliro's wife, and idol; a proud mincing peat, and as perverse as +he is officious. She dotes as perfectly upon the courtier, as her husband +doth on her, and only wants the face to be dishonest. + +SAVIOLINA, a court-lady, whose weightiest praise is a light wit, admired by +herself, and one more, her servant Brisk. + +SORDIDO, a wretched hob-nailed chuff, whose recreation is reading of +almanacks; and felicity, foul weather. One that never pray'd but for a +lean dearth, and ever wept in a fat harvest. + +FUNGOSO, the son of Sordido, and a student; one that has revelled in his +time, and follows the fashion afar off, like a spy. He makes it the whole +bent of his endeavours to wring sufficient means from his wretched father, +to put him in the courtiers' cut; at which he earnestly aims, but so +unluckily, that he still lights short a suit. + +SOGLIARDO, an essential clown, brother to Sordido, yet so enamoured of the +name of a gentleman, that he will have it, though he buys it. He comes up +every term to learn to take tobacco, and see new motions. He is in his +kingdom when in company where he may be well laughed at. + +SHIFT, a thread-bare shark; one that never was a soldier, yet lives upon +lendings. His profession is skeldring and odling, his bank Paul's, and his +warehouse Picthatch. Takes up single testons upon oaths, till doomsday. +Falls under executions of three shillings, and enters into five-groat +bonds. He way-lays the reports of services, and cons them without book, +damning himself he came new from them, when all the while he was taking the +diet in the bawdy-house, or lay pawned in his chamber for rent and +victuals. He is of that admirable and happy memory, that he will salute +one for an old acquaintance that he never saw in his life before. He +usurps upon cheats, quarrels, and robberies, which he never did, only to +get him a name. His chief exercises are, taking the whiff, squiring a +cockatrice, and making privy searches for imparters. + +CLOVE and ORANGE, an inseparable case of coxcombs, city born; the Gemini, +or twins of foppery; that like a pair of wooden foils, are fit for nothing +but to be practised upon. Being well flattered they'll lend money, and +repent when they have done. Their glory is to invite players, and make +suppers. And in company of better rank, to avoid the suspect of +insufficiency, will inforce their ignorance most desperately, to set upon +the understanding of any thing. Orange is the most humorous of the two, +(whose small portion of juice being squeezed out,) Clove serves to stick +him with commendations. + +CORDATUS, the author's friend; a man inly acquainted with the scope and +drift of his plot; of a discreet and understanding judgment; and has the +place of a moderator. + +MITIS, is a person of no action, and therefore we afford him no character. + + + THE STAGE. After the second sounding. + + ENTER CORDATUS, ASPER, AND MITIS. + + COR. Nay, my dear Asper. + + MIT. Stay your mind. + + ASP. Away! + Who is so patient of this impious world, + That he can check his spirit, or rein his tongue? + Or who hath such a dead unfeeling sense, + That heaven's horrid thunders cannot wake? + To see the earth crack'd with the weight of sin, + Hell gaping under us, and o'er our heads + Black, ravenous ruin, with her sail-stretch'd wings, + Ready to sink us down, and cover us. + Who can behold such prodigies as these, + And have his lips seal'd up? Not I: my soul + Was never ground into such oily colours, + To flatter vice, and daub iniquity: + But, with an armed and resolved hand, + I'll strip the ragged follies of the time + Naked as at their birth -- + + COR. Be not too bold. + + ASP. You trouble me -- and with a whip of steel, + Print wounding lashes in their iron ribs. + I fear no mood stamp'd in a private brow, + When I am pleased t'unmask a public vice. + I fear no strumpet's drugs, nor ruffian's stab, + Should I detect their hateful luxuries: + No broker's usurer's, or lawyer's gripe, + Were I disposed to say, they are all corrupt. + I fear no courtier's frown, should I applaud + The easy flexure of his supple hams. + Tut, these are so innate and popular, + That drunken custom would not shame to laugh, + In scorn, at him, that should but dare to tax 'em: + And yet, not one of these, but knows his works, + Knows what damnation is, the devil, and hell; + Yet hourly they persist, grow rank in sin, + Puffing their souls away in perjurous air, + To cherish their extortion, pride, or lusts. + + MIT. Forbear, good Asper; be not like your name. + + ASP. O, but to such whose faces are all zeal, + And, with the words of Hercules, invade + Such crimes as these! that will not smell of sin, + But seem as they were made of sanctity! + Religion in their garments, and their hair + Cut shorter than their eye-brows! when the conscience + Is vaster than the ocean, and devours + More wretches than the counters. + + MIT. Gentle Asper, + Contain our spirits in more stricter bounds, + And be not thus transported with the violence + Of your strong thoughts. + + COX. Unless your breath had power, + To melt the world, and mould it new again, + It is in vain to spend it in these moods. + + ASP. [TURNING TO THE STAGE.] + I not observed this thronged round till now! + Gracious and kind spectators, you are welcome; + Apollo and Muses feast your eyes + With graceful objects, and may our Minerva + Answer your hopes, unto their largest strain! + Yet here mistake me not, judicious friends; + I do not this, to beg your patience, + Or servilely to fawn on your applause, + Like some dry brain, despairing in his merit. + Let me be censured by the austerest brow, + Where I want art or judgment, tax me freely. + Let envious censors, with their broadest eyes, + Look through and through me, I pursue no favour; + Only vouchsafe me your attentions, + And I will give you music worth your ears. + O, how I hate the monstrousness of time, + Where every servile imitating spirit, + Plagued with an itching leprosy of wit, + In a mere halting fury, strives to fling + His ulcerous body in the Thespian spring, + And straight leaps forth a poet! but as lame + As Vulcan, or the founder of Cripplegate. + + MIT. In faith this humour will come ill to some, + You will be thought to be too peremptory. + + ASP. This humour? good! and why this humour, Mitis? + Nay, do not turn, but answer. + + MIT. Answer, what? + + ASP. I will not stir your patience, pardon me, + I urged it for some reasons, and the rather + To give these ignorant well-spoken days + Some taste of their abuse of this word humour. + + COR. O, do not let your purpose fall, good Asper; + It cannot but arrive most acceptable, + Chiefly to such as have the happiness + Daily to see how the poor innocent word + Is rack'd and tortured. + + MIT. Ay, I pray you proceed. + + ASP. Ha, what? what is't? + + COR. For the abuse of humour. + + ASP. O, I crave pardon, I had lost my thoughts. + Why humour, as 'tis 'ens', we thus define it, + To be a quality of air, or water, + And in itself holds these two properties, + Moisture and fluxure: as, for demonstration, + Pour water on this floor, 'twill wet and run: + Likewise the air, forced through a horn or trumpet, + Flows instantly away, and leaves behind + A kind of dew; and hence we do conclude, + That whatsoe'er hath fluxure and humidity, + As wanting power to contain itself, + Is humour. So in every human body, + The choler, melancholy, phlegm, and blood, + By reason that they flow continually + In some one part, and are not continent, + Receive the name of humours. Now thus far + It may, by metaphor, apply itself + Unto the general disposition: + As when some one peculiar quality + Doth so possess a man, that it doth draw + All his affects, his spirits, and his powers, + In their confluctions, all to run one way, + This may be truly said to be a humour + But that a rook, by wearing a pyed feather, + The cable hat-band, or the three-piled ruff, + A yard of shoe-tye, or the Switzer's knot + On his French garters, should affect a humour! + O, it is more than most ridiculous. + + COR. He speaks pure truth; now if an idiot + Have but an apish or fantastic strain, + It is his humour. + + ASP. Well, I will scourge those apes, + And to these courteous eyes oppose a mirror, + As large as is the stage whereon we act; + Where they shall see the time's deformity + Anatomised in every nerve, and sinew, + With constant courage, and contempt of fear. + + MIT. Asper, (I urge it as your friend,) take heed, + The days are dangerous, full of exception, + And men are grown impatient of reproof. + + ASP. Ha, ha! + You might as well have told me, yond' is heaven, + This earth, these men, and all had moved alike. -- + Do not I know the time's condition? + Yes, Mitis, and their souls; and who they be + That either will or can except against me. + None but a sort of fools, so sick in taste, + That they contemn all physic of the mind, + And like gall'd camels, kick at every touch. + Good men, and virtuous spirits, that loath their vices, + Will cherish my free labours, love my lines, + And with the fervour of their shining grace + Make my brain fruitful, to bring forth more objects, + Worthy their serious and intentive eyes. + But why enforce I this? as fainting? no. + If any here chance to behold himself, + Let him not dare to challenge me of wrong; + For, if he shame to have his follies known, + First he should shame to act 'em: my strict hand + Was made to seize on vice, and with a gripe + Squeeze out the humour of such spongy souls, + As lick up every idle vanity. + + COR. Why, this is right furor poeticus! + Kind gentlemen, we hope your patience + Will yet conceive the best, or entertain + This supposition, that a madman speaks. + + ASP. What, are you ready there? Mitis, sit down, + And my Cordatus. Sound ho! and begin. + I leave you two, as censors, to sit here: + Observe what I present, and liberally + Speak your opinions upon every scene, + As it shall pass the view of these spectators. + Nay, now y'are tedious, sirs; for shame begin. + And, Mitis, note me; if in all this front + You can espy a gallant of this mark, + Who, to be thought one of the judicious, + Sits with his arms thus wreath'd, his hat pull'd here, + Cries mew, and nods, then shakes his empty head, + Will shew more several motions in his face + Than the new London, Rome, or Niniveh, + And, now and then, breaks a dry biscuit jest, + Which, that it may more easily be chew'd, + He steeps in his own laughter. + + COR. Why, will that + Make it be sooner swallowed? + + ASP. O, assure you. + Or if it did not, yet as Horace sings, + Mean cates are welcome still to hungry guests. + + COR. 'Tis true; but why should we observe them, Asper? + + ASP. O, I would know 'em; for in such assemblies + They are more infectious than the pestilence: + And therefore I would give them pills to purge, + And make them fit for fair societies. + How monstrous and detested is't to see + A fellow that has neither art nor brain, + Sit like an Aristarchus, or start ass, + Taking men's lines with a tobacco face, + In snuff still spitting, using his wry'd looks, + In nature of a vice, to wrest and turn + The good aspect of those that shall sit near him, + From what they do behold! O, 'tis most vile. + + MIT. Nay, Asper. + + ASP. Peace, Mitis, I do know your thought; + You'll say, your guests here will except at this: + Pish! you are too timorous, and full of doubt. + Then he, a patient, shall reject all physic, + 'Cause the physician tells him, you are sick: + Or, if I say, that he is vicious, + You will not hear of virtue. Come, you are fond. + Shall I be so extravagant, to think, + That happy judgments, and composed spirits, + Will challenge me for taxing such as these? + I am ashamed. + + COR. Nay, but good, pardon us; + We must not bear this peremptory sail, + But use our best endeavours how to please. + + ASP. Why, therein I commend your careful thoughts, + And I will mix with you in industry + To please: but whom? attentive auditors, + Such as will join their profit with their pleasure, + And come to feed their understanding parts: + For these I'll prodigally spread myself, + And speak away my spirit into air; + For these, I'll melt my brain into invention, + Coin new conceits, and hang my richest words + As polish'd jewels in their bounteous ears? + But stay, I lose myself, and wrong their patience: + If I dwell here, they'll not begin, I see. + Friends, sit you still, and entertain this troop + With some familiar and by-conference, + I'll hast them sound. Now, gentlemen, I go + To turn an actor, and a humorist, + Where, ere I do resume my present person, + We hope to make the circles of your eyes + Flow with distilled laughter: if we fail, + We must impute it to this only chance, + Art hath an enemy call'd ignorance. + [EXIT. + + COR. How do you like his spirit, Mitis? + + MIT. I should like it much better, if he were less confident. + + COR. Why, do you suspect his merit? + + MIT. No; but I fear this will procure him much envy. + + COR. O, that sets the stronger seal on his desert: if he had no enemies, + I should esteem his fortunes most wretched at this instant. + + MIT. You have seen his play, Cordatus: pray you, how is it? + + COR. Faith, sir, I must refrain to judge; only this I can say of it, 'tis + strange, and of a particular kind by itself, somewhat like 'Vetus + Comoedia'; a work that hath bounteously pleased me; how it will answer the + general expectation, I know not. + + MIT. Does he observe all the laws of comedy in it? + + COR. What laws mean you? + + MIT. Why, the equal division of it into acts and scenes, according to the + Terentian manner; his true number of actors; the furnishing of the scene + with Grex or Chorus, and that the whole argument fall within compass of a + day's business. + + COR. O no, these are too nice observations. + + MIT. They are such as must be received, by your favour, or it cannot be + authentic. + + COR. Troth, I can discern no such necessity. + + MIT. No! + + COR. No, I assure you, signior. If those laws you speak of had been + delivered us 'ab initio', and in their present virtue and perfection, there + had been some reason of obeying their powers; but 'tis extant, that that + which we call 'Comoedia', was at first nothing but a simple and continued + song, sung by one only person, till Susario invented a second; after him, + Epicharmus a third; Phormus and Chionides devised to have four actors, with + a prologue and chorus; to which Cratinus, long after, added a fifth and + sixth: Eupolis, more; Aristophanes, more than they; every man in the + dignity of his spirit and judgment supplied something. And, though that in + him this kind of poem appeared absolute, and fully perfect, yet how is the + face of it changed since, in Menander, Philemon, Cecilius, Plautus, and the + rest! who have utterly excluded the chorus, altered the property of the + persons, their names, and natures, and augmented it with all liberty, + according to the elegancy and disposition of those times wherein they + wrote. I see not then, but we should enjoy the same license, or free power + to illustrate and heighten our invention, as they did; and not be tied to + those strict and regular forms which the niceness of a few, who are nothing + but form, would thrust upon us. + + MIT. Well, we will not dispute of this now; but what's his scene? + + COR. Marry, 'Insula Fortunata', sir. + + MIT. O, the Fortunate Island: mass, he has bound himself to a strict law + there. + + COR. Why so? + + MIT. He cannot lightly alter the scene, without crossing the seas. + + COR. He needs not, having a whole island to run through, I think. + + MIT. No! how comes it then, that in some one play we see so many seas, + countries, and kingdoms, passed over with such admirable dexterity? + + COR. O, that but shews how well the authors can travel in their vocation, + and outrun the apprehension of their auditory. But, leaving this, I would + they would begin at once: this protraction is able to sour the + best-settled patience in the theatre. + [THE THIRD SOUNDING. + + MIT. They have answered your wish, sir; they sound. + + COR. O, here comes the Prologue. + [ENTER PROLOGUE. + Now, sir, if you had staid a little longer, I meant to have spoke your + prologue for you i'faith. + + PROL. Marry, with all my heart, sir, you shall do it yet, and I thank you. + [GOING. + + COR. Nay, nay, stay, stay; hear you? + + PROL. You could not have studied to have done me a greater benefit at the + instant; for I protest to you, I am unperfect, and, had I spoke it, I must + of necessity have been out. + + COR. Why, but do you speak this seriously? + + PROL. Seriously! ay, wit's my help, do I; and esteem myself indebted to + your kindness for it. + + COR. For what? + + PROL. Why, for undertaking the prologue for me. + + COR. How! did I undertake it for you? + + PROL. Did you! I appeal to all these gentlemen, whether you did or no. + Come, come, it pleases you to cast a strange look on't now; but 'twill not + serve. + + COR. 'Fore me, but it must serve; and therefore speak your prologue. + + PROL. An I do, let me die poisoned with some venomous hiss, and never live + to look as high as the two-penny room again. + [EXIT. + + MIT. He has put you to it, sir. + + COR. 'Sdeath, what a humorous fellow is this! Gentlemen, good faith I can + speak no prologue, howsoever his weak wit has had the fortune to make this + strong use of me here before you: but I protest -- + + [ENTER CARLO BUFFONE, FOLLOWED BY A BOY WITH WINE. + CAR. Come, come, leave these fustian protestations; away, come, I cannot + abide these grey-headed ceremonies. Boy, fetch me a glass quickly, I may + bid these gentlemen welcome; give them a health here. [EXIT BOY.] I + mar'le whose wit it was to put a prologue in yond' sackbut's mouth; they + might well think he'd be out of tune, and yet you'd play upon him too. + + COR. Hang him, dull block! + + CAR. O, good words, good words; a well-timber'd fellow, he would have made + a good column, an he had been thought on, when the house was a building -- + [RE-ENTER BOY WITH GLASSES.. + O, art thou come? Well said; give me, boy; fill so! Here's a cup of wine + sparkles like a diamond. Gentlewomen (I am sworn to put them in first) and + gentlemen, around, in place of a bad prologue, I drink this good draught to + your health here, Canary, the very elixir and spirit of wine. [DRINKS.] + This is that our poet calls Castalian liquor, when he comes abroad now and + then, once in a fortnight, and makes a good meal among players, where he + has 'caninum appetitum'; marry, at home he keeps a good philosophical diet, + beans and butter-milk; an honest pure rogue, he will take you off three, + four, five of these, one after another, and look villainously when he has + done, like a one-headed Cerberus. -- He does not hear me, I hope. -- And + then, when his belly is well ballaced, and his brain rigged a little, he + snails away withal, as though he would work wonders when he comes home. He + has made a play here, and he calls it, 'Every Man out of his Humour': but + an he get me out of the humour he has put me in, I'll trust none of his + tribe again while I live. Gentles, all I can say for him is, you are + welcome. I could wish my bottle here amongst you; but there's an old rule, + No pledging your own health. Marry, if any here be thirsty for it, their + best way (that I know) is, sit still, seal up their lips, and drink so much + of the play in at their ears. + [EXIT. + + MIT. What may this fellow be, Cordatus? + + COR. Faith, if the time will suffer his description, I'll give it you. He + is one, the author calls him Carlo Buffone, an impudent common jester, a + violent railer, and an incomprehensible epicure; one whose company is + desired of all men, but beloved of none; he will sooner lose his soul than + a jest, and profane even the most holy things, to excite laughter: no + honourable or reverend personage whatsoever can come within the reach of + his eye, but is turned into all manner of variety, by his adulterate + similes. + + MIT. You paint forth a monster. + + COR. He will prefer all countries before his native, and thinks he can + never sufficiently, or with admiration enough, deliver his affectionate + conceit of foreign atheistical policies. But stay -- + [ENTER MACILENTE. + Observe these: he'll appear himself anon. + + MIT. O, this is your envious man, Macilente, I think. + + COR. The same, sir. + + + + +ACT I + + SCENE I. -- The Country. + + ENTER MACILENTE, WITH A BOOK. + + MACI. "Viri est, fortunae caecitatem facile ferre." + 'Tis true; but, Stoic, where, in the vast world, + Doth that man breathe, that can so much command + His blood and his affection? Well, I see + I strive in vain to cure my wounded soul; + For every cordial that my thoughts apply + Turns to a corsive and doth eat it farther. + There is no taste in this philosophy; + 'Tis like a potion that a man should drink, + But turns his stomach with the sight of it. + I am no such pill'd Cynick to believe, + That beggary is the only happiness; + Or with a number of these patient fools, + To sing: "My mind to me a kingdom is," + When the lank hungry belly barks for food, + I look into the world, and there I meet + With objects, that do strike my blood-shot eyes + Into my brain: where, when I view myself, + Having before observ'd this man is great, + Mighty and fear'd; that lov'd and highly favour'd: + A third thought wise and learn'd; a fourth rich, + And therefore honour'd; a fifth rarely featur'd; + A sixth admired for his nuptial fortunes: + When I see these, I say, and view myself, + I wish the organs of my sight were crack'd; + And that the engine of my grief could cast + Mine eyeballs, like two globes of wildfire, forth, + To melt this unproportion'd frame of nature. + Oh, they are thoughts that have transfix'd my heart, + And often, in the strength of apprehension, + Made my cold passion stand upon my face, + Like drops of dew on a stiff cake of ice. + + COR. This alludes well to that of the poet, + "Invidus suspirat, gemit, incutitque dentes, + Sudat frigidus, intuens quod odit." + + MIT. O, peace, you break the scene. + + [ENTER SOGLIARDO AND CARLO BUFFONE. + + MACI. Soft, who be these? + I'll lay me down awhile till they be past. + [LIES DOWN. + + CAR. Signior, note this gallant, I pray you. + + MIT. What is he? + + CAR. A tame rook, you'll take him presently; list. + + SOG. Nay, look you, Carlo; this is my humour now! I have land and money, + my friends left me well, and I will be a gentleman whatsoever it cost me. + + CAR. A most gentlemanlike resolution. + + SOG. Tut! an I take an humour of a thing once, I am like your tailor's + needle, I go through: but, for my name, signior, how think you? will it + not serve for a gentleman's name, when the signior is put to it, ha? + + CAR. Let me hear; how is it? + + SOG. Signior Insulso Sogliardo: methinks it sounds well. + + CAR. O excellent! tut! an all fitted to your name, you might very well + stand for a gentleman: I know many Sogliardos gentlemen. + + SOG. Why, and for my wealth I might be a justice of peace. + + CAR. Ay, and a constable for your wit. + + SOG. All this is my lordship you see here, and those farms you came by. + + CAR. Good steps to gentility too, marry: but, Sogliardo, if you affect to + be a gentleman indeed, you must observe all the rare qualities, humours, + and compliments of a gentleman. + + SOG. I know it, signior, and if you please to instruct, I am not too good + to learn, I'll assure you. + + CAR. Enough, sir. -- I'll make admirable use in the projection of my + medicine upon this lump of copper here. [ASIDE] -- I'll bethink me for + you, sir. + + SOG. Signior, I will both pay you, and pray you, and thank you, and think + on you. + + COR. Is this not purely good? + + MACI. S'blood, why should such a prick-ear'd hind as this + Be rich, ha? a fool! such a transparent gull + That may be seen through! wherefore should he have land, + Houses, and lordships? O, I could eat my entrails, + And sink my soul into the earth with sorrow. + + CAR. First, to be an accomplished gentleman, that is, a gentleman of the + time, you must give over housekeeping in the country, and live altogether + in the city amongst gallants: where, at your first appearance, 'twere good + you turn'd four or five hundred acres of your best land into two or three + trunks of apparel -- you may do it without going to a conjurer -- and be + sure you mix yourself still with such as flourish in the spring of the + fashion, and are least popular; study their carriage and behaviour in all; + learn to play at primero and passage, and ever (when you lose) have two or + three peculiar oaths to swear by, that no man else swears: but, above all, + protest in your play, and affirm, "Upon your credit, As you are a true + gentleman", at every cast; you may do it with a safe conscience, I warrant you. + + SOG. O admirable rare! he cannot choose but be a gentleman that has these + excellent gifts: more, more, I beseech you. + + CAR. You must endeavour to feed cleanly at your ordinary, sit melancholy, + and pick your teeth when you cannot speak: and + when you come to plays, be humorous, look with a good starch'd face, and + ruffle your brow like a new boot, laugh at nothing but your own jests, or + else as the noblemen laugh. That's a special grace you must observe. + + SAG. I warrant you, sir. + + CAR. Ay, and sit on the stage and flout, provided you have a good suit. + + SOG. O, I'll have a suit only for that, sir. + + CAR. You must talk much of your kindred and allies. + + SOG. Lies! no, signior, I shall not need to do so, I have kindred in the + city to talk of: I have a niece is a merchant's wife; and a nephew, my + brother Sordido's son, of the Inns of court. + + CAR. O, but you must pretend alliance with courtiers and great persons: + and ever when you are to dine or sup in any strange presence, hire a fellow + with a great chain, (though it be copper, it's no matter,) to bring you + letters, feign'd from such a nobleman, or such a knight, or such a lady, + "To their worshipful, right rare, and nobly qualified friend and kinsman, + signior Insulso Sogliardo": give yourself style enough. And there, while + you intend circumstances of news, or enquiry of their health, or so, one of + your familiars whom you must carry about you still, breaks it up, as 'twere + in a jest, and reads it publicly at the table: at which you must seem to + take as unpardonable offence, as if he had torn your mistress's colours, or + breath'd upon her picture, and pursue it with that hot grace, as if you + would advance a challenge upon it presently. + + SOG. Stay, I do not like that humour of challenge, it may be accepted; but + I'll tell you what's my humour now, I will do this: I will take occasion + of sending one of my suits to the tailor's, to have the pocket repaired, or + so; and there such a letter as you talk of, broke open and all shall be + left; O, the tailor will presently give out what I am, upon the reading of + it, worth twenty of your gallants. + + CAR. But then you must put on an extreme face of discontentment at your + man's negligence. + + SOG. O, so I will, and beat him too: I'll have a man for the purpose. + + MAC. You may; you have land and crowns: O partial fate! + + CAR. Mass, well remember'd, you must keep your men gallant at the first, + fine pied liveries laid with good gold lace; there's no loss in it, they + may rip it off and pawn it when they lack victuals. + + SOG. By 'r Lady, that is chargeable, signior, 'twill bring a man in debt. + + CAR. Debt! why that's the more for your credit, sir: it's an excellent + policy to owe much in these days, if you note it. + + SOG. As how, good signior? I would fain be a politician. + + CAR. O! look where you are indebted any great sum, your creditor observes + you with no less regard, than if he were bound to you for some huge + benefit, and will quake to give you the least cause of offence, lest he + lose his money. I assure you, in these + times, no man has his servant more obsequious and pliant, than gentlemen + their creditors: to whom, if at any time you pay but a moiety, or a fourth + part, it comes more acceptably than if you gave them a new-year's gift. + + SOG. I perceive you, sir: I will take up, and bring myself in credit, sure. + + CAR. Marry this, always beware you commerce not with bankrupts, or poor + needy Ludgathians; they are impudent creatures, turbulent spirits, they + care not what violent tragedies they stir, nor how they play fast and loose + with a poor gentleman's fortunes, to get their own. Marry, these rich + fellows that have the world, or the better part of it, sleeping in their + counting-houses, they are ten times more placable, they; either fear, hope, + or modesty, restrains them from offering any outrages: but this is nothing + to your followers, you shall not run a penny more in arrearage for them, an + you list, yourself. + + SOG. No! how should I keep 'em then? + + CAR. Keep 'em! 'sblood, let them keep themselves, they are no sheep, are + they? what, you shall come in houses, where plate, apparel, jewels, and + divers other pretty commodities lie negligently scattered, and I would have + those Mercuries follow me, I trow, should remember they had not their + fingers for nothing. + + SOG. That's not so good, methinks. + + CAR. Why, after you have kept them a fortnight, or so, and shew'd them + enough to the world, you may turn them away, and keep no more but a boy, + it's enough. + + SOG. Nay, my humour is not for boys, I'll keep men, an I keep any; and + I'll give coats, that's my humour: but I lack a cullisen. + + CAR. Why, now you ride to the city, you may buy one; I'll bring you where + you shall have your choice for money. + + SOG. Can you, sir? + + CAR. O, ay: you shall have one take measure of you, and make you a coat + of arms to fit you, of what fashion you will. + + SOG. By word of mouth, I thank you, signior; I'll be once a little + prodigal in a humour, i'faith, and have a most prodigious coat. + + MAC. Torment and death! break head and brain at once, + To be deliver'd of your fighting issue. + Who can endure to see blind Fortune dote thus? + To be enamour'd on this dusty turf, + This clod, a whoreson puck-fist! O G----! + I could run wild with grief now, to behold + The rankness of her bounties, that doth breed + Such bulrushes; these mushroom gentlemen, + That shoot up in a night to place and worship. + + CAR. [SEEING MACILENTE.] Let him alone; some stray, some stray. + + SOG. Nay, I will examine him before I go, sure. + + CAR. The lord of the soil has all wefts and strays here, has he not? + + SOG. Yes, sir. + + CAR. Faith then I pity the poor fellow, he's fallen into a fool's hands. + [ASIDE. + + SOG. Sirrah, who gave you a commission to lie in my lordship? + + MAC. Your lordship! + + SOG. How! my lordship? do you know me, sir? + + MAC. I do know you, sir. + + CAR. He answers him like an echo. + [ASIDE. + + SOG. Why, Who am I, sir? + + MAC. One of those that fortune favours. + + CAR. The periphrasis of a fool. I'll observe this better. + [ASIDE. + + SOG. That fortune favours! how mean you that, friend? + + MAC. I mean simply: that you are one that lives not by your wits. + + SOG. By my wits! no sir, I scorn to live by my wits, I. I have better + means, I tell thee, than to take such base courses, as to live by my wits. + What, dost thou think I live by my wits? + + MAC. Methinks, jester, you should not relish this well. + + CAR. Ha! does he know me? + + MAC. Though yours be the worst use a man can put his wit to, of thousands, + to prostitute it at every tavern and ordinary; yet, methinks, you should + have turn'd your broadside at this, and have been ready with an apology, + able to sink this hulk of ignorance into the bottom and depth of his + contempt. + + CAR. Oh, 'tis Macilente! Signior, you are well encountered; how is it? + O, we must not regard what he says, man, a trout, a shallow fool, he has no + more brain than a butterfly, a mere stuft suit; he looks like a musty + bottle new wicker'd, his head's the cork, light, light! [ASIDE TO + MACILENTE.] -- I am glad to see you so well return'd, signior. + + MAC. You are! gramercy, good Janus. + + SOG. Is he one of your acquaintance? I love him the better for that. + + CAR. Od's precious, come away, man, what do you mean? an you knew him as + I do, you'd shun him as you would do the plague. + + SOG. Why, sir? + + CAR. O, he's a black fellow, take heed of him. + + SOG. Is he a scholar, or a soldier? + + CAR. Both, both; a lean mongrel, he looks as if he were chop-fallen, with + barking at other men's good fortunes: 'ware how you offend him; he carries + oil and fire in his pen, will scald where it drops: his spirit is like + powder, quick, violent; he'll blow a man up with a jest: I fear him worse + than a rotten wall does the cannon; shake an hour after at the report. + Away, come not near him. + + SOG. For God's sake let's be gone; an he be a scholar, you know I cannot + abide him; I had as lieve see a cockatrice, specially as cockatrices go now. + + CAR. What, you'll stay, signior? this gentleman Sogliardo, and I, are to + visit the knight Puntarvolo, and from thence to the city; we shall meet there. + [EXIT WITH SOGLIARDO. + + MAC. Ay, when I cannot shun you, we will meet. + 'Tis strange! of all the creatures I have seen, + I envy not this Buffone, for indeed + Neither his fortunes nor his parts deserve it: + But I do hate him, as I hate the devil, + Or that brass-visaged monster Barbarism. + O, 'tis an open-throated, black-mouth'd cur, + That bites at all, but eats on those that feed him. + A slave, that to your face will, serpent-like, + Creep on the ground, as he would eat the dust, + And to your back will turn the tail, and sting + More deadly than the scorpion: stay, who's this? + Now, for my soul, another minion + Of the old lady Chance's! I'll observe him. + + [ENTER SORDIDO WITH AN ALMANACK IN HIS HAND. + SORD. O rare! good, good, good, good, good! + I thank my stars, I thank my stars for it. + + MAC. Said I not true? doth not his passion speak + Out of my divination? O my senses, + Why lost you not your powers, and become + Dull'd, if not deaded, with this spectacle? + I know him, it is Sordido, the farmer, + A boor, and brother to that swine was here. + [ASIDE. + + SORD. Excellent, excellent, excellent! as I would wish, as I would wish. + + MAC. See how the strumpet fortune tickles him, + And makes him swoon with laughter, O, O, O! + + SORD. Ha, ha, ha! I will not sow my grounds this year. Let me see, what + harvest shall we have? "June, July?" + + MAC. What, is't a prognostication raps him so? + + SORD. "The 20, 21, 22 days, rain and wind." O good, good! "the 23, and + 24, rain and some wind," good! "the 25, rain," good still! "26, 27, 28, + wind and some rain"; would it had been rain and some wind! well, 'tis + good, when it can be no better. "29, inclining to rain": inclining to + rain! that's not so good now: "30, and 31, wind and no rain": no rain! + 'slid, stay: this is worse and worse: What says he of St. Swithin's? + turn back, look, "saint Swithin's: no rain!" + + MAC. O, here's a precious, dirty, damned rogue, + That fats himself with expectation + Of rotten weather, and unseason'd hours; + And he is rich for it, an elder brother! + His barns are full, his ricks and mows well trod, + His garners crack with store! O, 'tis well; ha, ha, ha! + A plague consume thee, and thy house! + + SORD. O here, "St. Swithin's, the 15 day, variable weather, for the most + part rain", good! "for the most part rain": why, it should rain forty + days after, now, more or less, it was a rule held, afore I was able to hold + a plough, and yet here are two days no rain; ha! it makes me muse. We'll + see how the next month begins, if that be better. "August 1, 2, 3, and 4, + days, rainy and blustering:" this is well now: "5, 6, 7, 8, and 9, rainy, + with some thunder;" Ay marry, this is excellent; the other was false + printed sure: "the 10 and 11, great store of rain"; O good, good, good, + good, good! "the 12, 13, and 14 days, rain"; good still: "15, and 16, + rain"; good still: "17 and 18, rain", good still: "19 and 20", good + still, good still, good still, good still, good still! "21, some rain"; + some rain! well, we must be patient, and attend the heaven's pleasure, + would it were more though: "the 22, 23, great tempests of rain, thunder + and lightning". + O good again, past expectation good! + I thank my blessed angel; never, never + Laid I [a] penny better out than this, + To purchase this dear book: not dear for price, + And yet of me as dearly prized as life, + Since in it is contain'd the very life, + Blood, strength, and sinews, of my happiness. + Blest be the hour wherein I bought this book; + His studies happy that composed the book, + And the man fortunate that sold the book! + Sleep with this charm, and be as true to me, + As I am joy'd and confident in thee + [PUTS IT UP. + + [ENTER A HIND, AND GIVES SORDIDO A PAPER TO READ. + MAC. Ha, ha, ha! + Is not this good? Is not pleasing this? + Ha, ha, ha! God pardon me! ha, ha! + Is't possible that such a spacious villain + Should live, and not be plagued? or lies be hid + Within the wrinkled bosom of the world, + Where Heaven cannot see him? S'blood! methinks + 'Tis rare, and strange, that he should breathe and walk, + Feed with digestion, sleep, enjoy his health, + And, like a boisterous whale swallowing the poor, + Still swim in wealth and pleasure! is't not strange? + Unless his house and skin were thunder proof, + I wonder at it! Methinks, now, the hectic, + Gout, leprosy, or some such loath'd disease, + Might light upon him; of that fire from heaven + Might fall upon his barns; or mice and rats + Eat up his grain; or else that it might rot + Within the hoary ricks, even as it stands: + Methinks this might be well; and after all + The devil might come and fetch him. Ay, 'tis true! + Meantime he surfeits in prosperity, + And thou, in envy of him, gnaw'st thyself: + Peace, fool, get hence, and tell thy vexed spirit, + Wealth in this age will scarcely look on merit. + [RISES AND EXIT. + + SORD. Who brought this same, sirrah? + + HIND. Marry, sir, one of the justice's men; he says 'tis a precept, and + all their hands be at it. + + SORD. Ay, and the prints of them stick in my flesh, + Deeper than in their letters: they have sent me + Pills wrapt in paper here, that, should I take them, + Would poison all the sweetness of my book, + And turn my honey into hemlock juice. + But I am wiser than to serve their precepts, + Or follow their prescriptions. Here's a device, + To charge me bring my grain unto the markets: + Ay, much! when I have neither barn nor garner, + Nor earth to hid it in, I'll bring 't; till then, + Each corn I send shall be as big as Paul's. + O, but (say some) the poor are like to starve. + Why, let 'em starve, what's that to me? are bees + Bound to keep life in drones and idle moths? no: + Why such are these that term themselves the poor, + Only because they would be pitied, + But are indeed a sort of lazy beggars, + Licentious rogues, and sturdy vagabonds, + Bred by the sloth of a fat plenteous year, + Like snakes in heat of summer, out of dung; + And this is all that these cheap times are good for: + Whereas a wholesome and penurious dearth + Purges the soil of such vile excrements, + And kills the vipers up. + + HIND. O, but master, + Take heed they hear you not. + + SORD. Why so? + + HIND. They will exclaim against you. + + SORD. Ay, their exclaims + Move me as much, as thy breath moves a mountain. + Poor worms, they hiss at me, whilst I at home + Can be contented to applaud myself, + To sit and clap my hands, and laugh, and leap, + Knocking my head against my roof, with joy + To see how plump my bags are, and my barns. + Sirrah, go hie you home, and bid your fellows + Get all their flails ready again I come. + + HIND. I will, sir. + [EXIT. + + SORD. I'll instantly set all my hinds to thrashing + Of a whole rick of corn, which I will hide + Under the ground; and with the straw thereof + I'll stuff the outsides of my other mows: + That done, I'll have them empty all my garners, + And in the friendly earth bury my store, + That, when the searchers come, they may suppose + All's spent, and that my fortunes were belied. + And to lend more opinion to my want, + And stop that many-mouthed vulgar dog, + Which else would still be baying at my door, + Each market-day I will be seen to buy + Part of the purest wheat, as for my household; + Where when it comes, it shall increase my heaps: + 'Twill yield me treble gain at this dear time, + Promised in this dear book: I have cast all. + Till then I will not sell an ear, I'll hang first. + O, I shall make my prices as I list; + My house and I can feed on peas and barley. + What though a world of wretches starve the while; + He that will thrive must think no courses vile. + [EXIT. + + COR. Now, signior, how approve you this? have the humourists exprest + themselves truly or no? + + MIT. Yes, if it be well prosecuted, 'tis hitherto happy enough: but + methinks Macilente went hence too soon; he might have been made to stay, + and speak somewhat in reproof of Sordido's wretchedness now at the last. + + COR. O, no, that had been extremely improper; besides, he had continued + the scene too long with him, as 'twas, being in no more action. + + MIT. You may inforce the length as a necessary reason; but for propriety, + the scene wou'd very well have borne it, in my judgment. + + COR. O, worst of both; why, you mistake his humour utterly then. + + MIT. How do I mistake it? Is it not envy? + + COR. Yes, but you must understand, signior, he envies him not as he is a + villain, a wolf in the commonwealth, but as he is rich and fortunate; for + the true condition of envy is, 'dolor alienae felicitatis', to have our + eyes continually fixed upon another man's prosperity that is, his chief + happiness, and to grieve at that. Whereas, if we make his monstrous and + abhorr'd actions our object, the grief we take then comes nearer the nature + of hate than envy, as being bred out of a kind of contempt and loathing in + ourselves. + + MIT. So you'll infer it had been hate, not envy in him, to reprehend the + humour of Sordido? + + COR. Right, for what a man truly envies in another, he could always love + and cherish in himself; but no man truly reprehends in another, what he + loves in himself; therefore reprehension is out of his hate. And this + distinction hath he himself made in a speech there, if you marked it, where + he says, "I envy not this Buffone, but I hate him." Why might he not as + well have hated Sordido as him? + + COR. No, sir, there was subject for his envy in Sordido, his wealth: so + was there not in the other. He stood possest of no one eminent gift, but a + most odious and fiend-like disposition, that would turn charity itself into + hate, much more envy, for the present. + + MIT. You have satisfied me, sir. O, here comes the fool, and the jester + again, methinks. + + COR. 'Twere pity they should be parted, sir. + + MIT. What bright-shining gallant's that with them? the knight they went to? + + COR. No, sir, this is one monsieur Fastidious Brisk, otherwise called the + fresh Frenchified courtier. + + MIT. A humourist too? + + COR. As humorous as quicksilver; do but observe him; the scene is the + country still, remember. + + + + +ACT II + + SCENE I. -- THE COUNTRY; BEFORE PUNTARVOLO'S HOUSE. + + ENTER FASTIDIOUS BRISK, CINEDO, CARLO BUFFONE, AND SOGLIARDO. + + FAST. Cinedo, watch when the knight comes, and give us word. + + CIN. I will, sir. + [EXIT. + + FAST. How lik'st thou my boy, Carlo? + + CAR. O, well, well. He looks like a colonel of the Pigmies horse, or one + of these motions in a great antique clock; he would shew well upon a + haberdasher's stall, at a corner shop, rarely. + + FAST. 'Sheart, what a damn'd witty rogue's this! How he confounds with + his similes! + + CAR. Better with similes than smiles: and whither were you riding now, + signior? + + FAST. Who, I? What a silly jest's that! Whither should I ride but to the + court? + + CAR. O, pardon me, sir, twenty places more; your hot-house, or your + whore-house -- + + FAST. By the virtue of my soul, this knight dwells in Elysium here. + + CAR. He's gone now, I thought he would fly out presently. These be our + nimble-spirited catsos, that have their evasions at pleasure, will run over + a bog like your wild Irish; no sooner started, but they'll leap from one + thing to another, like a squirrel, heigh! dance and do tricks in their + discourse, from fire to water, from water to air, from air to earth, as if + their tongues did but e'en lick the four elements over, and away. + + FAST. Sirrah, Carlo, thou never saw'st my gray hobby yet, didst thou? + + CAR. No; have you such a one? + + FAST. The best in Europe, my good villain, thou'lt say when thou seest him. + + CAR. But when shall I see him? + + FAST. There was a nobleman in the court offered me a hundred pound for + him, by this light: a fine little fiery slave, he runs like a -- oh, + excellent, excellent! -- with the very sound of the spur. + + CAR. How! the sound of the spur? + + FAST. O, it's your only humour now extant, sir; a good gingle, a good gingle. + + CAR. S'blood! you shall see him turn morrice-dancer, he has got him + bells, a good suit, and a hobby-horse. + + SIG. Signior, now you talk of a hobby-horse, I know where one is will not + be given for a brace of angels. + + FAST. How is that, sir? + + SOG. Marry, sir, I am telling this gentleman of a hobby-horse; it was my + father's indeed, and though I say it -- + + CAR. That should not say it -- on, on. + + SOG. He did dance in it, with as good humour and as good regard as any man + of his degree whatsoever, being no gentleman: I have danc'd in it myself + too. + + CAR. Not since the humour of gentility was upon you, did you? + + SOG. Yes, once; marry, that was but to shew what a gentleman might do in a + humour. + + CAR. O, very good. + + MIT. Why, this fellow's discourse were nothing but for the word humour. + + COR. O bear with him; an he should lack matter and words too, 'twere pitiful. + + SOG. Nay, look you, sir, there's ne'er a gentleman in the country has the + like humours, for the hobby-horse, as I have; I have the method for the + threading of the needle and all, the -- + + CAR. How, the method? + + SOG. Ay, the leigerity for that, and the whighhie, and the daggers in the + nose, and the travels of the egg from finger to finger, and all the humours + incident to the quality. The horse hangs at home in my parlour. I'll keep + it for a monument as long as I live, sure. + + CAR. Do so; and when you die, 'twill be an excellent trophy to hang over + your tomb. + + SOG. Mass, and I'll have a tomb, now I think on't; 'tis but so much charges. + + CAR. Best build it in your lifetime then, your heirs may hap to forget it + else. + + SOG. Nay, I mean so, I'll not trust to them. + + CAR. No, for heirs and executors are grown damnable careless, 'specially + since the ghosts of testators left walking. -- How like you him, signior? + + FAST. 'Fore heavens, his humour arrides me exceedingly. + + CAR. Arrides you! + + FAST. Ay, pleases me: a pox on't! I am so haunted at the court, and at + my lodging, with your refined choice spirits, that it makes me clean of + another garb, another sheaf, I know not how! I cannot frame me to your + harsh vulgar phrase, 'tis against my genius. + + Sog. Signior Carlo! + [TAKES HIM ASIDE. + + COR. This is right to that of Horace, "Dum vitant stulti vitia, in + contraria currunt"; so this gallant labouring to avoid popularity, falls + into a habit of affectation, ten thousand times hatefuller than the former. + + CAR. [POINTING TO FASTIDIOUS.] Who, he? a gull, a fool, no salt in him + i' the earth, man; he looks like a fresh salmon kept in a tub; he'll be + spent shortly. His brain's lighter than his feather already, and his + tongue more subject to lye, than that is to wag; he sleeps with a musk-cat + every night, and walks all day hang'd in pomander chains for penance; he + has his skin tann'd in civet, to make his complexion strong, and the + sweetness of his youth lasting in the sense of his sweet lady; a good empty + puff, he loves you well, signior. + + SOG. There shall be no love lost, sir, I'll assure you. + + FAST. [ADVANCING TO THEM.] Nay, Carlo, I am not happy in thy love, I see: + pray thee suffer me to enjoy thy company a little, sweet mischief: by this + air, I shall envy this gentleman's place in thy affections, if you be thus + private, i'faith. + ENTER CINEDO. + How now! Is the knight arrived? + + CIN. No, sir, but 'tis guess'd he will arrive presently, by his fore-runners. + + FAST. His hounds! by Minerva, an excellent figure; a good boy. + + CAR. You should give him a French crown for it; the boy would find two + better figures in that, and a good figure of your bounty beside. + + FAST. Tut, the boy wants no crowns. + + CAR. No crown; speak in the singular number, and we'll believe you. + + FAST. Nay, thou are so capriciously conceited now. Sirrah damnation, I + have heard this knight Puntarvolo reported to be a gentleman of exceeding + good humour, thou know'st him; prithee, how is his disposition? I never + was so favoured of my stars, as to see him yet. Boy, do you look to the + hobby? + + CIN. Ay, sir, the groom has set him up. + [AS CINEDO IS GOING OUT, SOGLIARDO TAKES HIM ASIDE. + + FAST. 'Tis well: I rid out of my way of intent to visit him, and take + knowledge of his -- Nay, good Wickedness, his humour, his humour. + + CAR. Why, he loves dogs, and hawks, and his wife well; he has a good + riding face, and he can sit a great horse; he will taint a staff well at + tile; when he is mounted he looks like the sign of the George, that's all I + know; save, that instead of a dragon, he will brandish against a tree, and + break his sword as confidently upon the knotty bark, as the other did upon + the scales of the beast. + + FAST. O, but this is nothing to that's delivered of him. They say he has + dialogues and discourses between his horse, himself, and his dog; and that + he will court his own lady, as she were a stranger never encounter'd before. + + CAR. Ay, that he will, and make fresh love to her every morning; this + gentleman has been a spectator of it, Signior Insulso. + + SOG. I am resolute to keep a page. -- Say you, sir? + [LEAPS FROM WHISPERING WITH CINEDO. + + CAR. You have seen Signior Puntarvolo accost his lady? + + SOG. O, ay, sir. + + FAST. And how is the manner of it, prithee, good signior? + + SOG. Faith, sir, in very good sort; he has his humours for it, sir; + at first, (suppose he were now to come from riding or hunting, or so,) he + has his trumpet to sound, and then the waiting-gentlewoman she looks out, + and then he speaks, and then she speaks, -- very pretty, i'faith, gentlemen. + + FAST. Why, but do you remember no particulars, signior? + + SOG. O, yes, sir, first, the gentlewoman, she looks out at the window. + + CAR. After the trumpet has summon'd a parle, not before? + + SOG. No, sir, not before; and then says he, -- ha, ha, ha, ha! + + CAR. What says he? be not rapt so. + + SOG. Says he, -- ha, ha, ha, ha! + + FAST. Nay, speak, speak. + + SOG. Ha, ha, ha! -- says he, God save you, says he; -- ha, ha! + + CAR. Was this the ridiculous motive to all this passion? + + SOG. Nay, that that comes after is, -- ha, ha, ha, ha! + + CAR. Doubtless he apprehends more than he utters, this fellow; or else -- + [A CRY OF HOUNDS WITHIN. + + SOG. List, list, they are come from hunting; stand by, close under this + terras, and you shall see it done better than I can show it. + + CAR. So it had need, 'twill scarce poise the observation else. + + SOG. Faith, I remember all, but the manner of it is quite out of my head. + + FAST. O, withdraw, withdraw, it cannot be but a most pleasing object. + [THEY STAND ASIDE. + + ENTER PUNTARVOLO, FOLLOWED BY HIS HUNTSMAN LEADING A GREYHOUND. + PUNT. Forester, give wind to thy horn. -- Enough; by this the sound hath + touch'd the ears of the inclos'd: depart, leave the dog, and take with + thee what thou has deserved, the horn and thanks. + [EXIT HUNTSMAN. + + CAR. Ay, marry, there is some taste in this. + + FAST. Is't not good? + + SOG. Ah, peace; now above, now above! + [A WAITING-GENTLEWOMAN APPEARS AT THE WINDOW. + + PUNT. Stay; mine eye hath, on the instant, through the bounty of the + window, received the form of a nymph. I will step forward three paces; of + the which, I will barely retire one; and, after some little flexure of the + knee, with an erected grace salute her; one, two, and three! Sweet lady, + God save you! + + GENT. [ABOVE.] No, forsooth; I am but the waiting-gentlewoman. + + CAR. He knew that before. + + PUNT. Pardon me: 'humanum est errare'. + + CAR. He learn'd that of his chaplain. + + PUNT. To the perfection of compliment (which is the dial of the thought, + and guided by the sun of your beauties,) are required these three specials; + the gnomon, the puntilios, and the superficies: the superficies is that we + call place; the puntilios, circumstance; and the gnomon, ceremony; in + either of which, for a stranger to err, 'tis easy and facile; and such am I. + + CAR. True, not knowing her horizon, he must needs err; which I fear he + knows too well. + + PUNT. What call you the lord of the castle, sweet face? + + GENT. [ABOVE.] The lord of the castle is a knight, sir; signior Puntarvolo. + + PUNT. Puntarvolo! O -- + + CAR. Now must he ruminate. + + FAST. Does the wench know him all this while, then? + + CAR. O, do you know me, man? why, therein lies the syrup of the jest; + it's a project, a designment of his own, a thing studied, and rehearst as + ordinarily at his coming from hawking or hunting, as a jig after a play. + + SOG. Ay, e'en like your jig, sir. + + PUNT. 'Tis a most sumptuous and stately edifice! Of what years is the + knight, fair damsel? + + GENT. Faith, much about your years, sir. + + PUNT. What complexion, or what stature bears he? + + GENT. Of your stature, and very near upon your complexion. + + PUNT. Mine is melancholy, -- + + CAR. So is the dog's, just. + + PUNT. And doth argue constancy, chiefly in love. What are his endowments? + is he courteous? + + GENT. O, the most courteous knight in Christian land, sir. + + PUNT. Is he magnanimous? + + GENT. As the skin between your brows, sir. + + PUNT. Is he bountiful? + + CAR. 'Slud, he takes an inventory of his own good parts. + + GENT. Bountiful! ay, sir, I would you should know it; the poor are served + at his gate, early and late, sir. + + PUNT. Is he learned? + + GENT. O, ay, sir, he can speak the French and Italian. + + PUNT. Then he has travelled? + + GENT. Ay, forsooth, he hath been beyond seas once or twice. + + CAR. As far as Paris, to fetch over a fashion, and come back again. + + PUNT. Is he religious? + + GENT. Religious! I know not what you call religious, but he goes to + church, I am sure. + + FAST. 'Slid, methinks these answers should offend him. + + CAR. Tut, no; he knows they are excellent, and to her capacity that speaks + them. + + PUNT. Would I might but see his face! + + CAR. She should let down a glass from the window at that word, and request + him to look in't. + + PUNT. Doubtless the gentleman is most exact, and absolutely qualified; + doth the castle contain him? + + GENT. No, sir, he is from home, but his lady is within. + + PUNT. His lady! what, is she fair, splendidious, and amiable? + + GENT. O, Lord, sir. + + PUNT. Prithee, dear nymph, intreat her beauties to shine on this side of + the building. + [EXIT WAITING-GENTLEWOMAN FROM THE WINDOW. + + CAR. That he may erect a new dial of compliment, with his gnomons and his + puntilios. + + FAST. Nay, thou art such another cynic now, a man had need walk uprightly + before thee. + + CAR. Heart, can any man walk more upright than he does? Look, look; as if + he went in a frame, or had a suit of wainscot on: and the dog watching + him, lest he should leap out on't. + + FAST. O, villain! + + CAR. Well, an e'er I meet him in the city, I'll have him jointed, I'll + pawn him in Eastcheap, among the butchers, else. + + FAST. Peace; who be these, Carlo? + + ENTER SORDIDO AND FUNGOSO. + + SORD. Yonder's your godfather; do your duty to him, son. + + SOG. This, sir? a poor elder brother of mine, sir, a yeoman, may dispend + some seven or eight hundred a year; that's his son, my nephew, there. + + PUNT. You are not ill come, neighbour Sordido, though I have not yet said, + well-come; what, my godson is grown a great proficient by this. + + SORD. I hope he will grow great one day, sir. + + FAST. What does he study? the law? + + SOG. Ay, sir, he is a gentleman, though his father be but a yeoman. + + CAR. What call you your nephew, signior? + + SOG. Marry, his name is Fungoso. + + CAR. Fungoso! O, he look'd somewhat like a sponge in that pink'd yellow + doublet, methought; well, make much of him; I see he was never born to ride + upon a mule. + + GENT. [REAPPEARS AT THE WINDOW.] My lady will come presently, sir. + + SOG. O, now, now! + + PUNT. Stand by, retire yourselves a space; nay, pray you, forget not the + use of your hat; the air is piercing. + [SORDIDO AND FUNGOSO WITHDRAW. + + FAST. What! will not their presence prevail against the current of his + humour? + + CAR. O, no; it's a mere flood, a torrent carries all afore it. + + [LADY PUNTARVOLO APPEARS AT THE WINDOW. + PUNT. What more than heavenly pulchritude is this. + What magazine, or treasury of bliss? + Dazzle, you organs to my optic sense, + To view a creature of such eminence: + O, I am planet-struck, and in yon sphere + A brighter star than Venus doth appear! + + FAST. How! in verse! + + CAR. An extacy, an extacy, man. + + LADY P. [ABOVE] is your desire to speak with me, sir knight? + + CAR. He will tell you that anon; neither his brain nor his body are yet + moulded for an answer. + + PUNT. Most debonair, and luculent lady, I decline me as low as the basis + of your altitude. + + COR. He makes congies to his wife in geometrical proportions. + + MIT. Is it possible there should be any such humorist? + + COR. Very easily possible, sir, you see there is. + + PUNT. I have scarce collected my spirits, but lately scattered in the + administration of your form; to which, if the bounties of your mind be any + way responsible, I doubt not but my desires shall find a smooth and secure + passage. I am a poor knight-errant, lady, that hunting in the adjacent + forest, was, by adventure, in the pursuit of a hart, brought to this place; + which hart, dear madam, escaped by enchantment: the evening approaching + myself and servant wearied, my suit is, to enter your fair castle and + refresh me. + + LADY. Sir knight, albeit it be not usual with me, chiefly in the absence + of a husband, to admit any entrance to strangers, yet in the true regard of + those innated virtues, and fair parts, which so strive to express + themselves, in you; I am resolved to entertain you to the best of my + unworthy power; which I acknowledge to be nothing, valued with what so + worthy a person may deserve. Please you but stay while I descend. + [EXIT FROM THE WINDOW. + + PUNT. Most admired lady, you astonish me. + [WALKS ASIDE WITH SORDIDO AND HIS SON. + + CAR. What! with speaking a speech of your own penning? + + FAST. Nay, look: prithee, peace. + + CAR. Pox on't! I am impatient of such foppery. + + FAST. O let us hear the rest. + + CAR. What! a tedious chapter of courtship, after sir Lancelot and queen + Guenever? Away! I marle in what dull cold nook he found this lady out; + that, being a woman, she was blest with no more copy of wit but to serve + his humour thus. 'Slud, I think he feeds her with porridge, I: she could + never have such a thick brain else. + + SOG. Why, is porridge so hurtful, signior? + + CAR. O, nothing under heaven more prejudicial to those ascending subtle + powers, or doth sooner abate that which we call 'acumen ingenii', than your + gross fare: Why, I'll make you an instance; your city-wives, but observe + 'em, you have not more perfect true fools in the world bred than they are + generally; and yet you see, by the fineness and delicacy of their diet, + diving into the fat capons, drinking your rich wines, feeding on larks, + sparrows, potato-pies, and such good unctuous meats, how their wits are + refined and rarified; and sometimes a very quintessence of conceit flows + from them, able to drown a weak apprehension. + + ENTER LADY PUNTARVOLO AND HER WAITING-WOMAN. + FAST. Peace, here comes the lady.. + + LADY. Gad's me, here's company! turn in again. + [EXIT WITH HER WOMAN. + + FAST. 'Slight, our presence has cut off the convoy of the jest. + + CAR. All the better, I am glad on't; for the issue was very perspicuous. + Come let's discover, and salute the knight. + [THEY COME FORWARD. + + PUNT. Stay; who be these that address themselves towards us? What Carlo! + Now by the sincerity of my soul, welcome; welcome, gentlemen: and how dost + thou, thou 'Grand Scourge', or 'Second Untruss of the time'? + + CAR. Faith, spending my metal in this reeling world (here and there), as + the sway of my affection carries me, and perhaps stumble upon a + yeoman-feuterer, as I do now; or one of fortune's mules, laden with + treasure, and an empty cloak-bag, following him, gaping when a gab will + untie. + + PUNT. Peace, you bandog, peace! What brisk Nymphadoro is that in the + white virgin-boot there? + + CAR. Marry, sir, one that I must interest you to take a very particular + knowledge of, and with more than ordinary respect; monsieur Fastidious. + + PUNT. Sir, I could wish, that for the time of your vouchsafed abiding + here, and more real entertainment, this is my house stood on the Muses + hill, and these my orchards were those of the Hesperides. + + FAST. I possess as much in your wish, sir, as if I were made lord of the + Indies; and I pray you believe it. + + CAR. I have a better opinion of his faith, than to think it will be so + corrupted. + + SOG. Come, brother, I'll bring you acquainted with gentlemen, and good + fellows, such as shall do you more grace than -- + + SORD. Brother, I hunger not for such acquaintance: Do you take heed, lest -- + [CARLO COMES TOWARD THEM. + + SOG. Husht! My brother, sir, for want of education, sir, somewhat nodding + to the boor, the clown; but I request you in private, sir. + + FUNG. [LOOKING AT FASTIDIOUS BRISK.] By heaven, it is a very fine suit of + clothes. + [ASIDE. + + COR. Do you observe that signior? There's another humour has new-crack'd + the shell. + + MIT. What! he is enamour'd of the fashion, is he? + + COR. O, you forestall the jest. + + FUNG. I marle what it might stand him in. + [ASIDE. + + SOG. Nephew! + + FUNG. 'Fore me, it's an excellent suit, and as neatly becomes him. + [ASIDE.] -- What said you, uncle? + + SOG. When saw you my niece? + + FUNG. Marry, yesternight I supp'd there. -- That kind of boot does very + rare too. + [ASIDE. + + SOG. And what news hear you? + + FUNG. The gilt spur and all! Would I were hang'd, but 'tis exceeding + good. [ASIDE.] -- Say you, uncle? + + SOG. Your mind is carried away with somewhat else: I ask what news you hear? + + FUNG. Troth, we hear none. -- In good faith [LOOKING AT FASTIDIOUS BRISK] + I was never so pleased with a fashion, days of my life. O an I might have + but my wish, I'd ask no more of heaven now, but such a suit, such a hat, + such a band, such a doublet, such a hose, such a boot, and such a -- + [ASIDE. + + SOG. They say, there's a new motion of the city of Nineveh, with Jonas and + the whale, to be seen at Fleet-bridge. You can tell, cousin? + + FUNG. Here's such a world of questions with him now! -- Yes, I think there + be such a thing, I saw the picture. -- Would he would once be satisfied! + Let me see, the doublet, say fifty shillings the doublet, and between three + or four pound the hose; then boots, hat, and band: some ten or eleven + pound will do it all, and suit me for the heavens! + [ASIDE. + + SOG. I'll see all those devices an I come to London once. + + FUNG. Ods 'slid, an I could compass it, 'twere rare [ASIDE.] -- Hark you, + uncle. + + SOG. What says my nephew? + + FUNG. Faith, uncle, I would have desired you to have made a motion for me + to my father, in a thing that -- Walk aside, and I'll tell you, sir; no + more but this: there's a parcel of law books (some twenty pounds worth) + that lie in a place for a little more than half the money they cost; and I + think, for some twelve pound, or twenty mark, I could go near to redeem + them; there's Plowden, Dyar, Brooke, and Fitz-Herbert, divers such as I + must have ere long; and you know, I were as good save five or six pound, as + not, uncle. I pray you, move it for me. + + SOG. That I will: when would you have me do it? presently? + + FUNG. O, ay, I pray you, good uncle: [SOGLIARDO TAKES SORDIDO ASIDE.] -- + send me good luck, Lord, an't be thy will, prosper it! O my stars, now, + now, if it take now, I am made for ever. + + FAST. Shall I tell you, sir? by this air, I am the most beholden to that + lord, of any gentleman living; he does use me the most honourably, and with + the greatest respect, more indeed than can be utter'd with any opinion of + truth. + + PUNT. Then have you the count Gratiato? + + FAST. As true noble a gentleman too as any breathes; I am exceedingly + endear'd to his love: By this hand, I protest to you, signior, I speak it + not gloriously, nor out of affectation, but there's he and the count + Frugale, signior Illustre, signior Luculento, and a sort of 'em, that when + I am at court, they do share me amongst them; happy is he can enjoy me most + private. I do wish myself sometime an ubiquitary for their love, in good + faith. + + CAR. There's ne'er a one of them but might lie a week on the rack, ere + they could bring forth his name; and yet he pours them out as familiarly, + as if he had seen them stand by the fire in the presence, or ta'en tobacco + with them over the stage, in the lord's room. + + PUNT. Then you must of necessity know our court-star there, that planet of + wit, madona Saviolina? + + FAST. O Lord, sir, my mistress. + + PUNT. Is she your mistress? + + FAST. Faith, here be some slight favours of hers, sir, that do speak it, + she is; as this scarf, sir, or this ribbon in my ear, or so; this feather + grew in her sweet fan sometimes, though now it be my poor fortune to wear + it, as you see, sir: slight, slight, a foolish toy. + + PUNT. Well, she is the lady of a most exalted and ingenious spirit. + + FAST. Did you ever hear any woman speak like her? or enriched with a more + plentiful discourse? + + CAR. O villainous! nothing but sound, sound, a mere echo; she speaks as + she goes tired, in cobweb-lawn, light, thin; good enough to catch flies + withal. + + PUNT. O manage your affections. + + FAST. Well, if thou be'st not plagued for this blasphemy one day -- + + PUNT. Come, regard not a jester: It is in the power of my purse to make + him speak well or ill of me. + + FAST. Sir, I affirm it to you upon my credit and judgment, she has the + most harmonious and musical strain of wit that ever tempted a true ear; and + yet to see! -- a rude tongue would profane heaven, if it could. + + PUNT. I am not ignorant of it, sir. + + FAST. Oh, it flows from her like nectar, and she doth give it that sweet + quick grace, and exornation in the composure that by this good air, as I am + an honest man, would I might never stir, sir, but -- she does observe as + pure a phrase, and use as choice figures in her ordinary conferences, as + any be in the 'Arcadia'. + + CAR. Or rather in Green's works, whence she may steal with more security. + + SORD. Well, if ten pound will fetch 'em, you shall have it; but I'll part + with no more. + + FUNG. I'll try what that will do, if you please. + + SORD. Do so; and when you have them, study hard. + + FUNG. Yes, sir. An I could study to get forty shillings more now! Well, + I will put myself into the fashion, as far as this will go, presently. + + SORD. I wonder it rains not: the almanack says, we should have a store of + rain to-day. + [ASIDE. + + PUNT. Why, sir, to-morrow I will associate you to court myself, and from + thence to the city about a business, a project I have; I will expose it to + you sir; Carlo, I am sure has heard of it. + + CAR. What's that, sir? + + PUNT. I do intend, this year of jubilee coming on, to travel: and because + I will not altogether go upon expense, I am determined to put forth some + five thousand pound, to be paid me five for one, upon the return of myself, + my wife, and my dog from the Turk's court in Constantinople. If all or + either of us miscarry in the journey, 'tis gone: if we be successful, why, + there will be five and twenty thousand pound to entertain time withal. + Nay, go not, neighbour Sordido; stay to-night, and help to make our society + the fuller. Gentlemen, frolic: Carlo! what! dull now? + + CAR. I was thinking on your project, sir, an you call it so. Is this the + dog goes with you? + + PUNT. This is the dog, sir. + + CAR. He does not go barefoot, does he? + + PUNT. Away, you traitor, away! + + CAR. Nay, afore God, I speak simply; he may prick his foot with a thorn, + and be as much as the whole venture is worth. Besides, for a dog that + never travell'd before, it's a huge journey to Constantinople. I'll tell + you now, an he were mine, I'd have some present conference with a + physician, what antidotes were good to give him, preservatives against + poison; for assure you, if once your money be out, there'll be divers + attempts made against the life of the poor animal. + + PUNT. Thou art still dangerous. + + FAST. Is signior Deliro's wife your kinswoman? + + SOG. Ay, sir, she is my niece, my brother's daughter here, and my nephew's + sister. + + SORD. Do you know her, sir? + + FAST. O Lord, sir! signior Deliro, her husband, is my merchant. + + FUNG. Ay, I have seen this gentleman there often. + + FAST. I cry you mercy, sir; let me crave your name, pray you. + + FUNG. Fungoso, sir. + + FAST. Good signior Fungoso, I shall request to know you better, sir. + + FUNG. I am her brother, sir. + + FAST. In fair time, sir. + + PUNT. Come, gentlemen, I will be your conduct. + + FAST. Nay, pray you sir; we shall meet at signior Deliro's often. + + SOG. You shall have me at the herald's office, sir, for some week or so at + my first coming up. Come, Carlo. + [EXEUNT. + + MIT. Methinks, Cordatus, he dwelt somewhat too long on this scene; it hung + in the hand. + + COR. I see not where he could have insisted less, and to have made the + humours perspicuous enough. + + MIT. True, as his subject lies; but he might have altered the shape of his + argument, and explicated them better in single scenes. + + COR. That had been single indeed. Why, be they not the same persons in + this, as they would have been in those? and is it not an object of more + state, to behold the scene full, and relieved with variety of speakers to + the end, than to see a vast empty stage, and the actors come in one by one, + as if they were dropt down with a feather into the eye of the spectators? + + MIT. Nay, you are better traded with these things than I, and therefore + I'll subscribe to your judgment; marry, you shall give me leave to make + objections. + + COR. O, what else? it is the special intent of the author you should do + so; for thereby others, that are present, may as well be satisfied, who + haply would object the same you would do. + + MIT. So, sir; but when appears Macilente again? + + COR. Marry, he stays but till our silence give him leave: here he comes, + and with him signior Deliro, a merchant at whose house he is come to + sojourn: make your own observation now, only transfer your thoughts to the + city, with the scene: where suppose they speak. + + + SCENE II. A ROOM IN DELIRO'S HOUSE. + + ENTER DELIRO, MACILENTE, AND FIDO WITH FLOWERS AND PERFUMES. + + DELI. I'll tell you by and by, sir, -- + Welcome good Macilente, to my house, + To sojourn even for ever; if my best + in cates, and every sort of good entreaty, + May move you stay with me. + [HE CENSETH: THE BOY STREWS FLOWERS. + + MACI. I thank you, sir. -- + And yet the muffled Fates, had it pleased them, + Might have supplied me from their own full store. + Without this word, 'I thank you', to a fool. + I see no reason why that dog call'd Chance, + Should fawn upon this fellow more than me; + I am a man, and I have limbs, flesh, blood, + Bones, sinews, and a soul, as well as he: + My parts are every way as good as his; + If I said better, why, I did not lie. + Nath'less, his wealth, but nodding on my wants, + Must make me bow, and cry, 'I thank you, sir'. + [ASIDE. + + DELI. Dispatch! take heed your mistress see you not. + + FIDO. I warrant you, sir, I'll steal by her softly. + [EXIT. + + DELI. Nay, gentle friend, be merry; raise your looks + Out of your bosom: I protest, by heaven, + You are the man most welcome in the world. + + MACI. I thank you, sir. -- I know my cue, I think. + [ASIDE. + + RE-ENTER FIDO, WITH MORE PERFUMES AND FLOWERS. + FIDO. Where will you have them burn, sir? + + DELI. Here, good Fido. + What, she did not see thee? + + FIDO. No, sir. + + DELI. That is well + Strew, strew, good Fido, the freshest flowers; so! + + MACI. What means this, signior Deliro? all this censing? + + DELI. Cast in more frankincense, yet more; well said. -- + O Macilente, I have such a wife! + So passing fair! so passing-fair-unkind! + But of such worth, and right to be unkind, + Since no man can be worthy of her kindness -- + + MACI. What, can there not? + + DELI. No, that is as sure as death, + No man alive. I do not say, is not, + But cannot possibly be worth her kindness, + Nay, it is certain, let me do her right. + How, said I? do her right! as though I could, + As though this dull, gross tongue of mine could utter + The rare, the true, the pure, the infinite rights. + That sit, as high as I can look, within her! + + MACI. This is such dotage as was never heard. + + DELI. Well, this must needs be granted. + + MACI. Granted, quoth you? + + DELI. Nay, Macilente, do not so discredit + The goodness of your judgment to deny it. + For I do speak the very least of her: + And I would crave, and beg no more of Heaven, + For all my fortunes here, but to be able + To utter first in fit terms, what she is, + And then the true joys I conceive in her. + + MACI. Is't possible she should deserve so well, + As you pretend? + + DELI. Ay, and she knows so well + Her own deserts, that, when I strive t'enjoy them, + She weighs the things I do, with what she merits; + And, seeing my worth out-weigh'd so in her graces, + She is so solemn, so precise, so froward, + That no observance I can do to her + Can make her kind to me: if she find fault, + I mend that fault; and then she says, I faulted, + That I did mend it. Now, good friend, advise me, + How I may temper this strange spleen in her. + + MACI. You are too amorous, too obsequious, + And make her too assured she may command you. + When women doubt most of their husbands' loves, + They are most loving. Husbands must take heed + They give no gluts of kindness to their wives, + But use them like their horses; whom they feed + But half a peck at once; and keep them so + Still with an appetite to that they give them. + He that desires to have a loving wife, + Must bridle all the show of that desire: + Be kind, not amorous; nor bewraying kindness, + As if love wrought it, but considerate duty. + Offer no love rites, but let wives still seek them, + For when they come unsought, they seldom like them. + + DELI. Believe me, Macilente, this is gospel. + O, that a man were his own man so much, + To rule himself thus. I will strive, i'faith, + To be more strange and careless; yet I hope + I have now taken such a perfect course, + To make her kind to me, and live contented, + That I shall find my kindness well return'd, + And have no need to fight with my affections. + She late hath found much fault with every room + Within my house; one was too big, she said, + Another was not furnish'd to her mind, + And so through all; all which, now, I have alter'd. + Then here, she hath a place, on my back-side, + Wherein she loves to walk; and that, she said, + Had some ill smells about it: now, this walk + Have I before she knows it, thus perfumed + With herbs, and flowers; and laid in divers places, + As 'twere on altars consecrate to her, + Perfumed gloves, and delicate chains of amber, + To keep the air in awe of her sweet nostrils: + This have I done, and this I think will please her. + Behold, she comes. + + ENTER FALLACE. + FAL. Here's a sweet stink indeed! + What, shall I ever be thus crost and plagued, + And sick of husband? O, my head doth ache, + As it would cleave asunder, with these savours! + All my rooms alter'd, and but one poor walk + That I delighted in, and that is made + So fulsome with perfumes, that I am fear'd, + My brain doth sweat so, I have caught the plague! + + DELI. Why, gentle wife, is now thy walk too sweet? + Thou said'st of late, it had sour airs about it, + And found'st much fault that I did not correct it. + + FAL. Why, an I did find fault, sir? + + DELI. Nay, dear wife, + I know thou hast said thou has loved perfumes, + No woman better. + + FAL. Ay, long since, perhaps; + But now that sense is alter'd: you would have me, + Like to a puddle, or a standing pool, + To have no motion nor no spirit within me. + No. I am like a pure and sprightly river, + That moves for ever, and yet still the same; + Or fire, that burns much wood, yet still one flame. + + DELI. But yesterday, I saw thee at our garden, + Smelling on roses, and on purple flowers; + And since, I hope, the humour of thy sense + Is nothing changed. + + FAL. Why, those were growing flowers, + And these within my walk are cut and strewed. + + DELI. But yet they have one scent. + + FAL. Ay! have they so? + In your gross judgment. If you make no difference + Betwixt the scent of growing flowers and cut ones, + You have a sense to taste lamp oil, i'faith: + And with such judgment have you changed the chambers, + Leaving no room, that I can joy to be in, + In all your house; and now my walk, and all, + You smoke me from, as if I were a fox, + And long, belike, to drive me quite away: + Well, walk you there, and I'll walk where I list. + + DELI. What shall I do? O, I shall never please her. + + MACI. Out on thee, dotard! what star ruled his birth, + That brought him such a Star? blind Fortune still + Bestows her gifts on such as cannot use them: + How long shall I live, ere I be so happy + To have a wife of this exceeding form? + [ASIDE. + + DELI. Away with 'em! would I had broke a joint + When I devised this, that should so dislike her. + Away, bear all away. + [EXIT FIDO, WITH FLOWERS, ETC. + + FAL. Ay, do; for fear + Aught that is there should like her. O, this man, + How cunningly he can conceal himself, + As though he loved, nay, honour'd and ador'd! -- + + DELI. Why, my sweet heart? + + FAL. Sweet heart! O, better still! + And asking, why? wherefore? and looking strangely, + As if he were as white as innocence! + Alas, you're simple, you: you cannot change, + Look pale at pleasure, and then red with wonder; + No, no, not you! 'tis pity o' your naturals. + I did but cast an amorous eye, e'en now, + Upon a pair of gloves that somewhat liked me, + And straight he noted it, and gave command + All should be ta'en away. + + DELI. Be they my bane then! + What, sirrah, Fido, bring in those gloves again + You took from hence. + + FAL. 'Sbody, sir, but do not: + Bring in no gloves to spite me; if you do -- + DELI. Ay me, most wretched; how am I misconstrued! + + MACI. O, how she tempts my heart-strings with her eye, + To knit them to her beauties, or to break! + What mov'd the heavens, that they could not make + Me such a woman! but a man, a beast, + That hath no bliss like others? Would to heaven, + In wreak of my misfortunes, I were turn'd + To some fair water-nymph, that set upon + The deepest whirl-pit of the rav'nous seas, + My adamantine eyes might headlong hale + This iron world to me, and drown it all. + + [ASIDE. + COR. Behold, behold, the translated gallant. + + MIT. O, he is welcome. + + ENTER FUNGOSO, APPARELLED LIKE FASTIDIOUS BRISK. + FUNG. Save you, brother and sister; save you, sir! I have commendations + for you out o' the country. I wonder they take no knowledge of my suit: + [ASIDE.] -- Mine uncle Sogliardo is in town. Sister methinks you are + melancholy; why are you so sad? I think you took me for Master Fastidious + Brisk, sister, did you not? + + FAL. Why should I take you for him? + + FUNG. Nay, nothing. -- I was lately in Master Fastidious's company, and + methinks we are very like. + + DELI. You have a fair suit, brother, 'give you joy on't. + + FUNG. Faith, good enough to ride in, brother; I made it to ride in. + + FAL. O, now I see the cause of his idle demand was his new suit. + + DELI. Pray you, good brother, try if you can change her mood. + + FUNG. I warrant you, let me alone: I'll put her out of her dumps. + Sister, how like you my suit! + + FAL. O, you are a gallant in print now, brother. + + FUNG. Faith, how like you the fashion? it is the last edition, I assure you. + + FAL. I cannot but like it to the desert. + + FUNG. Troth, sister, I was fain to borrow these spurs, I have left my gown + in the gage for them, pray you lend me an angel. + + FAL. Now, beshrew my heart then. + + FUNG. Good truth, I'll pay you again at my next exhibition. I had but + bare ten pound of my father, and it would not reach to put me wholly into + the fashion. + + FAL. I care not. + + FUNG. I had spurs of mine own before, but they were not ginglers. + Monsieur Fastidious will be here anon, sister. + + FAL. You jest! + + FUNG. Never lend me penny more while you live then; and that I'd be loth + to say, in truth. + + FAL. When did you see him? + + FUNG. Yesterday; I came acquainted with him at Sir Puntarvolo's: nay, + sweet sister. + + MACI. I fain would know of heaven now, why yond fool + Should wear a suit of satin? he? that rook, + That painted jay, with such a deal of outside: + What is his inside, trow? ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! + Good heavens, give me patience, patience, patience. + A number of these popinjays there are, + Whom, if a man confer, and but examine + Their inward merit, with such men as want; + Lord, lord, what things they are! + [ASIDE. + + FAL. [GIVES HIM MONEY.] Come, when will you pay me again, now? + + FUNG. O lord, sister! + + MACI. Here comes another. + + ENTER FASTIDIOUS BRISK, IN A NEW SUIT. + FAST. Save you, signior Deliro! How dost thou, sweet lady? let me kiss thee. + + FUNG. How! a new suit? ah me! + + DELI. And how does master Fastidious Brisk? + + FAST. Faith, live in court, signior Deliro; in grace, I thank God, both of + the noble masculine and feminine. I muse speak with you in private by and + by. + + DELI. When you please, sir. + + FAL. Why look you so pale, brother? + + FUNG. 'Slid, all this money is cast away now. + + MACI. Ay, there's a newer edition come forth. + + FUNG. 'Tis but my hard fortune! well, I'll have my suit changed. I'll go + fetch my tailor presently but first, I'll devise a letter to my father. + Have you any pen and ink, sister? + + FAL. What would you do withal? + + FUNG. I would use it. 'Slight, an it had come but four days sooner, the + fashion. + [EXIT. + + FAST. There was a countess gave me her hand to kiss to-day, i' the + presence: did me more good by that light than -- and yesternight sent her + coach twice to my lodging, to intreat me accompany her, and my sweet + mistress, with some two or three nameless ladies more: O, I have been + graced by them beyond all aim of affection: this is her garter my dagger + hangs in: and they do so commend and approve my apparel, with my judicious + wearing of it, it's above wonder. + + FAL. Indeed, sir, 'tis a most excellent suit, and you do wear it as + extraordinary. + + FAST. Why, I'll tell you now, in good faith, and by this chair, which, by + the grace of God, I intend presently to sit in, I had three suits in one + year made three great ladies in love with me: I had other three, undid + three gentlemen in imitation: and other three gat three other gentlemen + widows of three thousand pound a year. + + DELI. Is't possible? + + FAST. O, believe it, sir; your good face is the witch, and your apparel + the spells, that bring all the pleasures of the world into their circle. + + FAL. Ah, the sweet grace of a courtier! + + MACI. Well, would my father had left me but a good face for my portion + yet! though I had shared the unfortunate with that goes with it, I had not + cared; I might have passed for somewhat in the world then. + + FAST. Why, assure you, signior, rich apparel has strange virtues: it + makes him that hath it without means, esteemed for an excellent wit: he + that enjoys it with means, puts the world in remembrance of his means: it + helps the deformities of nature, and gives lustre to her beauties; makes + continual holiday where it shines; sets the wits of ladies at work, that + otherwise would be idle; furnisheth your two-shilling ordinary; takes + possession of your stage at your new play; and enricheth your oars, as + scorning to go with your scull. + + MACI. Pray you, sir, add this; it gives respect to your fools, makes many + thieves, as many strumpets, and no fewer bankrupts. + + FAL. Out, out! unworthy to speak where he breatheth. + + FAST. What's he, signior? + + DELI. A friend of mine, sir. + + FAST. By heaven I wonder at you citizens, what kind of creatures you are! + + DELI. Why, sir? + + FAST. That you can consort yourselves with such poor seam-rent fellows. + + FAL. He says true. + + DELI. Sir, I will assure you, however you esteem of him, he's a man worthy + of regard. + + FAST. Why, what has he in him of such virtue to be regarded, ha? + + DELI. Marry, he is a scholar, sir. + + FAST. Nothing else! + + DELI. And he is well travell'd. + + FAST. He should get him clothes; I would cherish those good parts of + travel in him, and prefer him to some nobleman of good place. + + DELI. Sir, such a benefit should bine me to you for ever, in my friend's + right; and I doubt not, but his desert shall more than answer my praise. + + FAST. Why, an he had good clothes, I'd carry him to court with me to-morrow. + + DELI. He shall not want for those, sir, if gold and the whole city will + furnish him. + + FAST. You say well, sir: faith, signior Deliro, I am come to have you + play the alchemist with me, and change the species of my land into that + metal you talk of. + + DELI. With all my heart, sir; what sum will serve you? + + FAST. Faith, some three or four hundred. + + DELI. Troth, sir, I have promised to meet a gentleman this morning in + Paul's, but upon my return I'll dispatch you. + + FAST. I'll accompany you thither. + + DELI. As you please, sir; but I go not thither directly. + + FAST. 'Tis no matter, I have no other designment in hand, and therefore as + good go along. + + DELI. I were as good have a quartain fever follow me now, for I shall + ne'er be rid of him. Bring me a cloak there, one. Still, upon his grace + at court, I am sure to be visited; I was a beast to give him any hope. + Well, would I were in, that I am out with him once, and -- Come, signior + Macilente, I must confer with you, as we go. Nay, dear wife, I beseech + thee, forsake these moods: look not like winter thus. Here, take my keys, + open my counting-houses, spread all my wealth before thee, choose any + object that delights thee: if thou wilt eat the spirit of gold, and drink + dissolved pearl in wine, 'tis for thee. + + FAL. So, sir! + + DELI. Nay, my sweet wife. + + FAL. Good lord, how you are perfumed in your terms and all! pray you + leave us. + + DELI. Come, gentlemen. + + FAST. Adieu, sweet lady. + [EXEUNT ALL BUT FALLACE. + + FAL. Ay, ay! let thy words ever sound in mine ears, and thy graces + disperse contentment through all my senses! O, how happy is that lady + above other ladies, that enjoys so absolute a gentleman to her servant! "A + countess gives him her hand to kiss": ah, foolish countess! he's a man + worthy, if a woman may speak of a man's worth, to kiss the lips of an + empress. + + RE-ENTER FUNGOSO, WITH HIS TAILOR. + FUNG. What's master Fastidious gone, sister? + + FAL. Ay, brother. -- He has a face like a cherubin! + [ASIDE. + + FUNG. 'Ods me, what luck's this? I have fetch'd my tailor and all: which + way went he, sister, can you tell? + + FAL. Not I, in good faith -- and he has a body like an angel! + [ASIDE. + + FUNG. How long is't since he went? + + FAL. Why, but e'en now; did you not meet him? -- and a tongue able to + ravish any woman in the earth. + [ASIDE. + + FUNG. O, for God's sake -- I'll please you for your pains, [TO HIS + TAILOR.] -- But e'en now, say you? Come, good sir: 'slid, I had forgot it + too: if any body ask for mine uncle Sogliardo, they shall have him at the + herald's office yonder, by Paul's + [EXIT WITH HIS TAILOR. + + FAL. Well, I will not altogether despair: I have heard of a citizen's + wife has been beloved of a courtier; and why not I? heigh, ho! well, I + will into my private chamber, lock the door to me, and think over all his + good parts one after another. + [EXIT. + + MIT. Well, I doubt, this last scene will endure some grievous torture. + + COR. How? you fear 'twill be rack'd by some hard construction? + + MIT. Do not you? + + COR. No, in good faith: unless mine eyes could light me beyond sense. I + see no reason why this should be more liable to the rack than the rest: + you'll say, perhaps, the city will not take it well that the merchant is + made here to doat so perfectly upon his wife; and she again to be so + 'Fastidiously' affected as she is. + + MIT. You have utter'd my thought, sir, indeed. + + COR. Why, by that proportion, the court might as well take offence at him + we call the courtier, and with much more pretext, by how much the place + transcends, and goes before in dignity and virtue: but can you imagine + that any noble or true spirit in court, whose sinewy and altogether + unaffected graces, very worthily express him a courtier, will make any + exception at the opening of such as empty trunk as this Brisk is? or think + his own worth impeached, by beholding his motley inside? + + MIT. No, sir, I do not. + + COR. No more, assure you, will any grave, wise citizen, or modest matron, + take the object of this folly in Deliro and his wife; but rather apply it + as the foil to their own virtues. For that were to affirm, that a man + writing of Nero, should mean all emperors; or speaking of Machiavel, + comprehend all statesmen; or in our Sordido, all farmers; and so of the + rest: than which nothing can be uttered more malicious or absurd. Indeed + there are a sort of these narrow-eyed decypherers, I confess, that will + extort strange and abstruse meanings out of any subject, be it never so + conspicuous and innocently delivered. But to such, where'er they sit + concealed, let them know, the author defies them and their writing-tables; + and hopes no sound or safe judgment will infect itself with their + contagious comments, who, indeed, come here only to pervert and poison the + sense of what they hear, and for nought else. + + ENTER CAVALIER SHIFT, WITH TWO SI-QUISSES (BILLS) IN HIS HAND. + MIT. Stay, what new mute is this, that walks so suspiciously? + + COR. O, marry, this is one, for whose better illustration, we must desire + you to presuppose the stage, the middle aisle in Paul's, and that, the west + end of it. + + MIT. So, sir, and what follows? + + COR. Faith, a whole volume of humour, and worthy the unclasping. + + MIT. As how? What name do you give him first? + + COR. He hath shift of names, sir: some call him Apple-John, some signior + Whiffe; marry, his main standing name is cavalier Shirt: the rest are but + as clean shirts to his natures. + + MIT. And what makes he in Paul's now? + + COR. Troth, as you see, for the advancement of a 'si quis', or two; + wherein he has so varied himself, that if any of 'em take, he may hull up + and down in the humorous world a little longer. + + MIT. It seems then he bears a very changing sail? + + COR. O, as the wind, sir: here comes more. + + + + +ACT III + + SCENE I. -- THE MIDDLE AISLE OF ST. PAUL'S. + + SHIFT. [COMING FORWARD.] This is rare, I have set up my bills without + discovery. + + [ENTER ORANGE. + ORANGE. What, signior Whiffe! what fortune has brought you into these + west parts? + + SHIFT. Troth, signior, nothing but your rheum; I have been taking an ounce + of tobacco hard by here, with a gentleman, and I am come to spit private in + Paul's. 'Save you, sir. + + ORANGE. Adieu, good signior Whiffe. + [PASSES ONWARD. + + [ENTER CLOVE. + CLOVE. Master Apple-John! you are well met; when shall we sup together, + and laugh, and be fat with those good wenches, ha? + + SHIFT. Faith, sir, I must now leave you, upon a few humours and occasions; + but when you please, sir. + [EXIT. + + CLOVE. Farewell, sweet Apple-John! I wonder there are no more store of + gallants here. + + MIT. What be these two, signior? + + COR. Marry, a couple, sir, that are mere strangers to the whole scope of + our play; only come to walk a turn or two in this scene of Paul's, by + chance. + + ORANGE. Save you, good master Clove! + + CLOVE. Sweet master Orange. + + MIT. How! Clove and Orange? + + COR. Ay, and they are well met, for 'tis as dry an Orange as ever grew: + nothing but salutation, and "O lord, sir!" and "It pleases you to say so, + sir!" one that can laugh at a jest for company with a most plausible and + extemporal grade; and some hour after in private ask you what it was. The + other monsieur, Clove, is a more spiced youth; he will sit you a whole + afternoon sometimes in a bookseller's shop, reading the Greek, Italian, and + Spanish, when he understands not a word of either; if he had the tongues to + his suits, he were an excellent linguist. + + CLOVE. Do you hear this reported for certainty? + + ORANGE. O lord, sir. + + [ENTER PUNTARVOLO AND CARLO, FOLLOWED BY TWO SERVING-MEN, ONE LEADING A + DOG, THE OTHER BEARING A BAG. + + PUNT. Sirrah, take my cloak; and you, sir knave, follow me closer. If + thou losest my dog, thou shalt die a dog's death; I will hang thee. + + CAR. Tut, fear him not, he's a good lean slave; he loves a dog well, I + warrant him; I see by his looks, I: -- Mass, he's somewhat like him. 'Slud + [TO THE SERVANT.] poison him, make him away with a crooked pin, or + somewhat, man; thou may'st have more security of thy life; and -- So sir; + what! you have not put out your whole venture yet, have you? + + PUNT. No, I do want yet some fifteen or sixteen hundred pounds; but my + lady, my wife, is 'Out of her Humour', she does not now go. + + CAR. No! how then? + + PUNT. Marry, I am now enforced to give it out, upon the return of myself, + my dog, and my cat. + + CAR. Your cat! where is she? + + PUNT. My squire has her there, in the bag; sirrah, look to her. How + lik'st thou my change, Carlo? + + CAR. Oh, for the better, sir; your cat has nine lives, and your wife has + but one. + + PUNT. Besides, she will never be sea-sick, which will save me so much in + conserves. When saw you signior Sogliardo? + + CAR. I came from him but now; he is at the herald's office yonder; he + requested me to go afore, and take up a man or two for him in Paul's, + against his cognisance was ready. + + PUNT. What, has he purchased arms, then? + + CAR. Ay, and rare ones too; of as many colours as e'er you saw any fool's + coat in your life. I'll go look among yond' bills, an I can fit him with + legs to his arms. + + PUNT. With legs to his arms! Good! I will go with you, sir. + [THEY GO TO READ THE BILLS. + + ENTER FASTIDIOUS, DELIRO, AND MACILENTE. + FAST. Come, let's walk in Mediterraneo: I assure you, sir, I am not the + least respected among ladies; but let that pass: do you know how to go + into the presence, sir? + + MACI. Why, on my feet, sir. + + FAST. No, on your head, sir; for 'tis that must bear you out, I assure + you; as thus, sir. You must first have an especial care so to wear your + hat, that it oppress not confusedly this your predominant, or foretop; + because, when you come at the presence-door, you may with once or twice + stroking up your forehead, thus, enter with your predominant perfect; that + is, standing up stiff. + + MACI. As if one were frighted? + + FAST. Ay, sir. + + MACI. Which, indeed, a true fear of your mistress should do, rather than + gum-water, or whites of eggs; is't not so, sir? + + FAST. An ingenious observation. Give me leave to crave your name, sir? + + DELI. His name is Macilente, sir. + + FAST. Good signior Macilente, if this gentleman, signior Deliro, furnish + you, as he says he will, with clothes, I will bring you, to-morrow by this + time, into the presence of the most divine and acute lady in court; you + shall see sweet silent rhetorick, and dumb eloquence speaking in her eye, + but when she speaks herself, such an anatomy of wit, so sinewised and + arterised, that 'tis the goodliest model of pleasure that ever was to + behold. Oh! she strikes the world into admiration of her; O, O, O! I + cannot express them, believe me. + + MACI. O, your only admiration is your silence, sir. + + PUNT. 'Fore God, Carlo, this is good! let's read them again. + [READS THE BILL. + "If there be any lady or gentlewoman of good carriage that is desirous to + entertain to her private uses, a young, straight, and upright gentleman, of + the age of five or six and twenty at the most; who can serve in the nature + of a gentleman-usher, and hath little legs of purpose, and a black satin + suit of his own, to go before her in; which suit, for the more sweetening, + now lies in lavender; and can hide his face with her fan, if need require; + or sit in the cold at the stair foot for her, as well as another gentleman: + let her subscribe her name and place, and diligent respect shall be given." + + PUNT. This is above measure excellent, ha! + + CAR. No, this, this! here's a fine slave. + [READS. + "If this city, or the suburbs of the same, do afford any young gentleman of + the first, second, or third head, more or less, whose friends are but + lately deceased, and whose lands are but new come into his hands, that, to + be as exactly qualified as the best of our ordinary gallants are, is + affected to entertain the most gentleman-like use of tobacco; as first, to + give it the most exquisite perfume; then, to know all the delicate sweet + forms for the assumption of it; as also the rare corollary and practice of + the Cuban ebolition, euripus and whiff, which he shall receive or take in + here at London, and evaporate at Uxbridge, or farther, if it please him. + If there be any such generous spirit, that is truly enamoured of these good + faculties; may it please him, but by a note of his hand to specify the + place or ordinary where he uses to eat and lie; and most sweet attendance, + with tobacco and pipes of the best sort, shall be ministered. 'Stet, + quaeso, candide Lector.'" + + PUNT. Why, this is without parallel, this. + + CAR. Well, I'll mark this fellow for Sogliardo's use presently. + + PUNT. Or rather, Sogliardo, for his use. + + CAR. Faith, either of them will serve, they are both good properties: + I'll design the other a place too, that we may see him. + + PUNT. No better place than the Mitre, that we may be spectators with you, + Carlo. Soft, behold who enters here: + ENTER SOGLIARDO. + Signior Sogliardo! save you. + + SOG. Save you, good sir Puntarvolo; your dog's in health, sir, I see: How + now, Carlo? + + CAR. We have ta'en simple pains, to choose you out followers here. + [SHOWS HIM THE BILLS. + + PUNT. Come hither, signior. + + CLOVE. Monsieur Orange, yon gallants observe us; prithee let's talk + fustian a little, and gull them; make them believe we are great scholars. + + ORANGE. O lord, sir! + + CLOVE. Nay, prithee let us, believe me, -- you have an excellent habit in + discourse. + + ORANGE. It pleases you to say so, sir. + + CLOVE. By this church, you have, la; nay, come, begin -- Aristotle, in his + daemonologia, approves Scaliger for the best navigator in his time; and in + his hypercritics, he reports him to be Heautontimorumenos: -- you + understand the Greek, sir? + + ORANGE. O, good sir! + + MACI. For society's sake he does. O, here be a couple of fine tame parrots! + + CLOVE. Now, sir, whereas the ingenuity of the time and the soul's + synderisis are but embrions in nature, added to the panch of Esquiline, and + the inter-vallum of the zodiac, besides the ecliptic line being optic, and + not mental, but by the contemplative and theoric part thereof, doth + demonstrate to us the vegetable circumference, and the ventosity of the + tropics, and whereas our intellectual, or mincing capreal (according to the + metaphysicks) as you may read in Plato's Histriomastix -- You conceive me + sir? + + ORANGE. O lord, sir! + + CLOVE. Then coming to the pretty animal, as reason long since is fled to + animals, you know, or indeed for the more modelising, or enamelling, or + rather diamondising of your subject, you shall perceive the hypothesis, or + galaxia, (whereof the meteors long since had their initial inceptions and + notions,) to be merely Pythagorical, mathematical, and aristocratical -- + For, look you, sir, there is ever a kind of concinnity and species -- Let + us turn to our former discourse, for they mark us not. + + FAST. Mass, yonder's the knight Puntarvolo. + + DELI. And my cousin Sogliardo, methinks. + + MACI. Ay, and his familiar that haunts him, the devil with the shining face. + + DELI. Let 'em alone, observe 'em not. + [SOGLIARDO, PUNTARVOLO, AND CARLO, WALK TOGETHER. + + SOG. Nay, I will have him, I am resolute for that. By this parchment, + gentlemen, I have been so toiled among the harrots yonder, you will not + believe! they do speak in the strangest language, and give a man the + hardest terms for his money, that ever you knew. + + CAR. But have you arms, have you arms? + + SOG. I'faith, I thank them; I can write myself gentleman now; here's my + patent, it cost me thirty pound, by this breath. + + PUNT. A very fair coat, well charged, and full of armory. + + SOG. Nay, it has as much variety of colours in it, as you have seen a coat + have; how like you the crest, sir? + + PUNT. I understand it not well, what is't? + + SOG. Marry, sir, it is your boar without a head, rampant. A boar without + a head, that's very rare! + + CAR. Ay, and rampant too! troth, I commend the herald's wit, he has + decyphered him well: a swine without a head, without brain, wit, anything + indeed, ramping to gentility. You can blazon the rest, signior, can you + not? + + SOG. O, ay, I have it in writing here of purpose; it cost me two shilling + the tricking. + + CAR. Let's hear, let's hear. + + PUNT. It is the most vile, foolish, absurd, palpable, and ridiculous + escutcheon that ever this eye survised. -- Save you, good monsieur + Fastidious. + [THEY SALUTE AS THEY MEET IN THE WALK. + + COR. Silence, good knight; on, on. + + SOG. [READS.] "Gyrony of eight pieces; azure and gules; between three + plates, a chevron engrailed checquy, or, vert, and ermins; on a chief + argent, between two ann'lets sable, a boar's head, proper." + + CAR. How's that! on a chief argent? + + SOG. [READS.] "On a chief argent, a boar's head proper, between two + ann'lets sable." + + CAR. 'Slud, it's a hog's cheek and puddings in a pewter field, this. + [HERE THEY SHIFT. FASTIDIOUS MIXES WITH PUNTARVOLO; CARLO AND SOGLIARDO; + DELIRO AND MACILENTE; CLOVE AND ORANGE; FOUR COUPLE. + + SOG. How like you them, signior? + + PUNT. Let the word be, 'Not without mustard': your crest is very rare, sir. + + CAR. A frying-pan to the crest, had had no fellow. + + FAST. Intreat your poor friend to walk off a little, signior, I will + salute the knight. + + CAR. Come, lap it up, lap it up. + + FAST. You are right well encounter'd, sir; how does your fair dog? + + PUNT. In reasonable state, sir; what citizen is that you were consorted + with? A merchant of any worth? + + FAST. 'Tis signior Deliro, sir. + + PUNT. Is it he? -- Save you, sir! + [THEY SALUTE. + + DELI. Good sir Puntarvolo! + + MACI. O what copy of fool would this place minister, to one endued with + patience to observe it! + + CAR. Nay, look you, sir, now you are a gentleman, you must carry a more + exalted presence, change your mood and habit to a more austere form; be + exceeding proud, stand upon your gentility, and scorn every man; speak + nothing humbly, never discourse under a nobleman, though you never saw him + but riding to the star-chamber, it's all one. Love no man: trust no man: + speak ill of no man to his face; nor well of any man behind his back. + Salute fairly on the front, and wish them hanged upon the turn. Spread + yourself upon his bosom publicly, whose heart you would eat in private. + These be principles, think on them; I'll come to you again presently. + [EXIT. + + PUNT. [TO HIS SERVANT.] Sirrah, keep close; yet not so close: thy breath + will thaw my ruff. + + SOG. O, good cousin, I am a little busy, how does my niece? I am to walk + with a knight, here. + + ENTER FUNGOSO WITH HIS TAILOR. + FUNG. O, he is here; look you, sir, that's the gentleman. + + TAI. What, he in the blush-coloured satin? + + FUNG. Ay, he, sir; though his suit blush, he blushes not, look you, that's + the suit, sir: I would have mine such a suit without difference, such + stuff, such a wing, such a sleeve, such a skirt, belly and all; therefore, + pray you observe it. Have you a pair of tables? + + FAST. Why, do you see, sir, they say I am fantastical; why, true, I know + it, and I pursue my humour still, in contempt of this censorious age. + 'Slight, an a man should do nothing but what a sort of stale judgments + about him this town will approve in him, he were a sweet ass: I'd beg him, + i'faith. I ne'er knew any more find fault with a fashion, than they that + knew not how to put themselves into it. For mine own part, so I please + mine own appetite, I am careless what the fusty world speaks of me. Puh! + + FUNG. Do you mark, how it hangs at the knee there? + + TAI. I warrant you, sir. + + FUNG. For God's sake do, not all; do you see the collar, sir? + + TAI. Fear nothing, it shall not differ in a stitch, sir. + + FUNG. Pray heaven it do not! you'll make these linings serve, and help me + to a chapman for the outside, will you? + + TAI. I'll do my best, sir: you'll put it off presently. + + FUNG. Ay, go with me to my chamber you shall have it -- but make haste of + it, for the love of a customer; for I'll sit in my old suit, or else lie a + bed, and read the 'Arcadia' till you have done. + [EXIT WITH HIS TAILOR. + + RE-ENTER CARLO. + CAR. O, if ever you were struck with a jest, gallants, now, now, now, I do + usher the most strange piece of military profession that ever was + discovered in 'Insula Paulina'. + + FAST. Where? where? + + PUNT. What is he for a creature? + + CAR. A pimp, a pimp, that I have observed yonder, the rarest superficies + of a humour; he comes every morning to empty his lungs in Paul's here; and + offers up some five or six hecatombs of faces and sighs, and away again. + Here he comes; nay, walk, walk, be not seen to note him, and we shall have + excellent sport. + + ENTER SHIFT; AND WALKS BY, USING ACTION TO HIS RAPIER. + PUNT. 'Slid, he vented a sigh e'en now, I thought he would have blown up + the church. + + CAR. O, you shall have him give a number of those false fires ere he depart. + + FAST. See, now he is expostulating with his rapier: look, look! + + CAR. Did you ever in your days observe better passion over a hilt? + + PUNT. Except it were in the person of a cutlet's boy, or that the fellow + were nothing but vapour, I should think it impossible. + + CAR. See again, he claps his sword o' the head, as who should say, well, + go to. + + FAST. O violence! I wonder the blade can contain itself, being so provoked. + + CAR. "With that the moody squire thumpt his breast, + And rear'd his eyen to heaven for revenge." + + SOG. Troth, an you be good gentlemen, let's make them friends, and take up + the matter between his rapier and him. + + CAR. Nay, if you intend that, you must lay down the matter; for this + rapier, it seems, is in the nature of a hanger-on, and the good gentleman + would happily be rid of him. + + FAST. By my faith, and 'tis to be suspected; I'll ask him. + + MACI. O, here's rich stuff! for life's sake, let us go: + A man would wish himself a senseless pillar, + Rather than view these monstrous prodigies: + "Nil habet infelix paupertas durius in se, + Quam quod ridiculos homines facit --" + [EXIT WITH DELIRO. + + FAST. Signior. + + SHIFT. At your service. + + FAST. Will you sell your rapier? + + CAR. He is turn'd wild upon the question; he looks as he had seen a serjeant. + + SHIFT. Sell my rapier! now fate bless me! + + PUNT. Amen. + + SHIFT. You ask'd me if I would sell my rapier, sir? + + FAST. I did indeed. + + SHIFT. Now, lord have mercy upon me! + + PUNT. Amen, I say still. + + SHIFT. 'Slid, sir, what should you behold in my face, sir, that should + move you, as they say, sir, to ask me, sir, if I would sell my rapier? + + FAST. Nay, let me pray you sir, be not moved: I protest, I would rather + have been silent, than any way offensive, had I known your nature. + + SHIFT. Sell my rapier? 'ods lid! -- Nay, sir, for mine own part, as I am + a man that has serv'd in causes, or so, so I am not apt to injure any + gentleman in the degree of falling foul, but -- sell my rapier! I will + tell you, sir, I have served with this foolish rapier, where some of us + dare not appear in haste; I name no man; but let that pass. Sell my + rapier! -- death to my lungs! This rapier, sir, has travell'd by my side, + sir, the best part of France, and the Low Country: I have seen Flushing, + Brill, and the Hague, with this rapier, sir, in my Lord of Leicester's + time; and by God's will, he that should offer to disrapier me now, I would + -- Look you, sir, you presume to be a gentleman of sort, and so likewise + your friends here; if you have any disposition to travel for the sight of + service, or so, one, two, or all of you, I can lend you letters to divers + officers and commanders in the Low Countries, that shall for my cause do + you all the good offices, that shall pertain or belong to gentleman of your + ---- [LOWERING HIS VOICE.] Please you to shew the bounty of your mind, + sir, to impart some ten groats, or half a crown to our use, till our + ability be of growth to return it, and we shall think oneself ---- 'Sblood! + sell my rapier! + + SOG. I pray you, what said he, signior? he's a proper man. + + FAST. Marry, he tells me, if I please to shew the bounty of my mind, to + impart some ten groats to his use, or so -- + + PUNT. Break his head, and give it him. + + CAR. I thought he had been playing o' the Jew's trump, I. + + SHIFT. My rapier! no, sir; my rapier is my guard, my defence, my revenue, + my honour; -- if you cannot impart, be secret, I beseech you -- and I will + maintain it, where there is a grain of dust, or a drop of water. [SIGHS.] + Hard is the choice when the valiant must eat their arms, or clem. Sell my + rapier! no, my dear, I will not be divorced from thee, yet; I have ever + found thee true as steel, and -- You cannot impart, sir? -- Save you, + gentlemen; -- nevertheless, if you have a fancy to it, sir -- + + FAST. Prithee away: Is signior Deliro departed? + + CAR. Have you seen a pimp outface his own wants better? + + SOG. I commend him that can dissemble them so well. + + PUNT. True, and having no better a cloak for it than he has neither. + + FAST. Od's precious, what mischievous luck is this! adieu, gentlemen. + + PUNT. Whither in such haste, monsieur Fastidious? + + FAST. After my merchant, signior Deliro, sir. + [EXIT. + + CAR. O hinder him not, he may hap lose his title; a good flounder, i'faith. + [ORANGE AND CLOVE CALL SHIFT ASIDE. + + CAR. How! signior Whiffe? + + ORANGE. What was the difference between that gallant that's gone and you, sir? + + SHIFT. No difference; he would have given me five pound for my rapier, and + I refused it; that's all. + + CLOVE. O, was it no otherwise? we thought you had been upon some terms. + + SHIFT. No other than you saw, sir. + + CLOVE. Adieu, good master Apple-John. + [EXIT WITH ORANGE. + + CAR. How! Whiffe, and Apple-John too? Heart, what will you say if this + be the appendix or label to both you indentures? + + PUNT. It may be. + + CAR. Resolve us of it, Janus, thou that look'st every way; or thou, + Hercules, that has travelled all countries. + + PUNT. Nay, Carlo, spend not time in invocations now, 'tis late. + + CAR. Signior, here's a gentleman desirous of your name, sir. + + SHIFT. Sir, my name is cavalier Shift: I am known sufficiently in this + walk, sir. + + CAR. Shift! I heard your name varied even now, as I take it. + + SHIFT. True, sir, it pleases the world, as I am her excellent tobacconist, + to give me the style of signior Whiffe; as I am a poor esquire about the + town here, they call me master Apple-John. Variety of good names does + well, sir. + + CAR. Ay, and good parts, to make those good names; out of which I imagine + yon bills to be yours. + + SHIFT. Sir, if I should deny the manuscripts, I were worthy to be banish'd + the middle aisle for ever. + + CAR. I take your word, sir: this gentleman has subscribed to them, and is + most desirous to become your pupil. Marry, you must use expedition. + Signior Insulso Sogliardo, this is the professor. + + SOG. In good time, sir: nay, good sir, house your head; do you profess + these sleights in tobacco? + + SHIFT. I do more than profess, sir, and, if you please to be a + practitioner, I will undertake in one fortnight to bring you, that you + shall take it plausibly in any ordinary, theatre, or the Tilt-yard, if need + be, in the most popular assembly that is. + + PUNT. But you cannot bring him to the whiffe so soon? + + SHIFT. Yes, as soon, sir; he shall receive the first, second, and third + whiffe, if it please him, and, upon the receipt, take his horse, drink his + three cups of canary, and expose one at Hounslow, a second at Stains, and a + third at Bagshot. + + CAR. Baw-waw! + + SOG. You will not serve me, sir, will you? I'll give you more than + countenance. + + SHIFT. Pardon me, sir, I do scorn to serve any man. + + CAR. Who! he serve? 'sblood, he keeps high men, and low men, he! he has + a fair living at Fullam. + + SHIFT. But in the nature of a fellow, I'll be your follower, if you please. + + SOG. Sir, you shall stay, and dine with me, and if we can agree, we'll not + part in haste: I am very bountiful to men of quality. Where shall we go, + signior? + + PUNT. Your Mitre is your best house. + + SHIFT. I can make this dog take as many whiffes as I list, and he shall + retain, or effume them, at my pleasure. + + PUNT. By your patience, follow me, fellows. + + SOG. Sir Puntarvolo! + + PUNT. Pardon me, my dog shall not eat in his company for a million. + [EXIT WITH HIS SERVANTS. + + CAR. Nay, be not you amazed, signior Whiffe, whatever that stiff-necked + gentleman says. + + SOG. No, for you do not know the humour of the dog, as we do: Where shall + we dine, Carlo? I would fain go to one of these ordinaries, now I am a + gentleman. + + CAR. So you may; were you never at any yet? + + SOG. No, faith; but they say there resorts your most choice gallants. + + CAR. True, and the fashion is, when any stranger comes in amongst 'em, + they all stand up and stare at him, as he were some unknown beast, brought + out of Africk; but that will be helped with a good adventurous face. You + must be impudent enough, sit down, and use no respect: when anything's + propounded above your capacity smile at it, make two or three faces, and + 'tis excellent; they'll think you have travell'd; though you argue, a whole + day, in silence thus, and discourse in nothing but laughter, 'twill pass. + Only, now and then, give fire, discharge a good full oath, and offer a + great wager; 'twill be admirable. + + SOG. I warrant you, I am resolute; come, good signior, there's a poor + French crown for your ordinary. + + SHIFT. It comes well, for I had not so much as the least portcullis of + coin before. + + MIT. I travail with another objection, signior, which I fear will be + enforced against the author, ere I can be deliver'd of it. + + COR. What's that sir? + + MIT. That the argument of his comedy might have been of some other nature, + as of a duke to be in love with a countess, and that countess to be in love + with the duke's son, and the son to love the lady's waiting maid; some such + cross wooing, with a clown to their servingman, better than to be thus + near, and familiarly allied to the time. + + COR. You say well, but I would fain hear one of these autumn-judgments + define once, "Quid sit comoedia?" if he cannot, let him content himself + with Cicero's definition, till he have strength to propose to himself a + better, who would have a comedy to be 'imitatio vitae, speculum + consuetudinis, imago veritatis'; a thing throughout pleasant and + ridiculous, and accommodated to the correction of manners: if the maker + have fail'd in any particle of this, they may worthily tax him; but if not, + why -- be you, that are for them, silent, as I will be for him; and give + way to the actors. + + + SCENE II. -- THE COUNTRY. + + ENTER SORDIDO, WITH A HALTER ABOUT HIS NECK. + + SORD. Nay, God's precious, if the weather and season be so respectless, + that beggars shall live as well as their betters; and that my hunger and + thirst for riches shall not make them hunger and thirst with poverty; that + my sleep shall be broken, and their hearts not broken; that my coffers + shall be full, and yet care; their's empty, and yet merry; -- 'tis time + that a cross should bear flesh and blood, since flesh and blood cannot bear + this cross. + + MIT. What, will he hang himself? + + COR. Faith, ay; it seems his prognostication has not kept touch with him, + and that makes him despair. + + MIT. Beshrew me, he will be 'out of his humour' then indeed. + + SORD. Tut, these star-monger knaves, who would trust them? One says dark + and rainy, when 'tis as clear as chrystal; another says, tempestuous blasts + and storms, and 'twas as calm as a milk-bowl; here be sweet rascals for a + man to credit his whole fortunes with! You sky-staring coxcombs you, you + fat-brains, out upon you; you are good for nothing but to sweat night-caps, + and make rug-gowns dear! you learned men, and have not a legion of devils + 'a votre service! a votre service!' by heaven, I think I shall die a + better scholar than they: but soft -- + ENTER A HIND, WITH A LETTER. + How now, sirrah? + + HIND. Here's a letter come from your son, sir. + + SORD. From my son, sir! what would my son, sir? some good news, no doubt. + [READS. + "Sweet and dear father, desiring you first to send me your blessing, which + is more worth to me than gold or silver, I desire you likewise to be + advertised, that this Shrove-tide, contrary to custom, we use always to + have revels; which is indeed dancing, and makes an excellent shew in truth; + especially if we gentlemen be well attired, which our seniors note, and + think the better of our fathers, the better we are maintained, and that + they shall know if they come up, and have anything to do in the law; + therefore, good father, these are, for your own sake as well as mine, to + re-desire you, that you let me not want that which is fit for the setting + up of our name, in the honourable volume of gentility, that I may say to + our calumniators, with Tully, 'Ego sum ortus domus meae, tu occasus tuae.' + And thus, not doubting of your fatherly benevolence, I humbly ask your + blessing, and pray God to bless you. + Yours, if his own," [FUNGOSO.] + How's this! "Yours, if his own!" Is he not my son, except he be his own + son? belike this is some new kind of subscription the gallants use. Well! + wherefore dost thou stay, knave? away; go. + [EXIT HIND.] + Here's a letter, indeed! revels? and benevolence? is this a weather to + send benevolence? or is this a season to revel in? 'Slid, the devil and + all takes part to vex me, I think! this letter would never have come now + else, now, now, when the sun shines, and the air thus clear. Soul! If + this hold, se shall shortly have an excellent crop of corn spring out of + the high ways: the streets and houses of the town will be hid with the + rankness of the fruits, that grow there in spite of good husbandry. Go to, + I'll prevent the sight of it, come as quickly as it can, I will prevent the + sight of it. I have this remedy, heaven. + [CLAMBERS UP, AND SUSPENDS THE HALTER TO A TREE.] + Stay; I'll try the pain thus a little. O, nothing, nothing. Well now! + shall my son gain a benevolence by my death? or anybody be the better for + my gold, or so forth? no; alive I kept it from them, and dead, my ghost + shall walk about it, and preserve it. My son and daughter shall starve ere + they touch it; I have hid it as deep as hell from the sight of heaven, and + to it I go now. + [FLINGS HIMSELF OFF. + + ENTER FIVE OR SIX RUSTICS, ONE AFTER ANOTHER. + + 1 RUST. Ah me, what pitiful sight is this! help, help, help! + + 2 RUST. How now! what's the matter? + + 1 RUST. O, here's a man has hang'd himself, help to get him again. + + 2 RUST. Hang'd himself! 'Slid, carry him afore a justice, 'tis + chance-medley, o' my word. + + 3 RUST. How now, what's here to do? + + 4 RUST. How comes this? + + 2 RUST. One has executed himself, contrary to order of law, and by my + consent he shall answer it. + [THEY CUT HIM DOWN. + + 5 RUST. Would he were in case to answer it! + + 1 RUST. Stand by, he recovers, give him breath. + + SORD. Oh! + + 5 RUST. Mass, 'twas well you went the footway, neighbour. + + 1 RUST. Ay, an I had not cut the halter -- + + SORD. How! cut the halter! ah me, I am undone, I am undone! + + 2 RUST. Marry, if you had not been undone, you had been hang'd. I can + tell you. + + SORD. You thread-bare, horse-bread-eating rascals, if you would needs have + been meddling, could you not have untied it, but you must cut it; and in + the midst too! ah me! + + 1 RUST. Out on me, 'tis the caterpillar Sordido! how curst are the poor, + that the viper was blest with this good fortune! + + 2 RUST. Nay, how accurst art thou, that art cause to the curse of the poor? + + 3 RUST. Ay, and to save so wretched a caitiff? + + 4 RUST. Curst be thy fingers that loos'd him! + + 2 RUST. Some desperate fury possess thee, that thou may'st hang thyself too! + + 5 RUST. Never may'st thou be saved, that saved so damn'd a monster! + + SORD. What curses breathe these men! how have my deeds + Made my looks differ from another man's, + That they should thus detest and loath my life! + Out on my wretched humour! it is that + Makes me thus monstrous in true humane eyes. + Pardon me, gentle friends, I'll make fair 'mends + For my foul errors past, and twenty-fold + Restore to all men, what with wrong I robb'd them: + My barns and garners shall stand open still + To all the poor that come, and my best grain + Be made alms-bread, to feed half-famish'd mouths. + Though hitherto amongst you I have lived, + Like an unsavoury muck-hill to myself, + Yet now my gather'd heaps being spread abroad, + Shall turn to better and more fruitful uses. + Bless then this man, curse him no more for the saving + My life and soul together. O how deeply + The bitter curses of the poor do pierce! + I am by wonder changed; come in with me + And witness my repentance: now I prove, + No life is blest, that is not graced with love. + [EXIT. + + 2 RUST. O miracle! see when a man has grace! + + 3 RUST. Had it not been pity so good a man should have been cast away? + + 2 RUST. Well, I'll get our clerk put his conversion in the 'Acts and + Monuments'. + + 4 RUST. Do, for I warrant him he's a martyr. + + 2 RUST. O God, how he wept, if you mark'd it! did you see how the tears + trill'd? + + 5 RUST. Yes, believe me, like master vicar's bowls upon the green, for all + the world. + + 3 RUST. O neighbour, God's blessing o' your heart, neighbour, 'twas a good + grateful deed. + [EXEUNT. + + COR. How now, Mitis! what's that you consider so seriously? + + MIT. Troth, that which doth essentially please me, the warping condition + of this green and soggy multitude; but in good faith, signior, your author + hath largely outstript my expectation in this scene, I will liberally + confess it. For when I saw Sordido so desperately intended, I thought I + had had a hand of him, then. + + COR. What! you supposed he should have hung himself indeed? + + MIT. I did, and had framed my objection to it ready, which may yet be + very fitly urged, and with some necessity; for though his purposed violence + lost the effect, and extended not to death, yet the intent and horror of + the object was more than the nature of a comedy will in any sort admit. + + COR. Ay! what think you of Plautus, in his comedy called 'Cistellaria'? + there, where he brings in Alcesimarchus with a drum sword ready to kill + himself, and as he is e'en fixing his breast upon it, to be restrained from + his resolved outrage, by Silenium and the bawd? Is not his authority of + power to give our scene approbation? + + MIT. Sir, I have this only evasion left me, to say, I think it be so + indeed; your memory is happier than mine: but I wonder, what engine he + will use to bring the rest out of their humours! + + COR. That will appear anon, never pre-occupy your imagination withal. Let + your mind keep company with the scene still, which now removes itself from + the country to the court. Here comes Macilente, and signior Brisk freshly + suited; lose not yourself, for now the epitasis, or busy part of our + subject, is an act. + + + SCENE III. -- AN APARTMENT AT THE COURT + + ENTER MACILENTE, FASTIDIOUS, BOTH IN A NEW SUIT, AND CINEDO, WITH TOBACCO. + + FAST. Well, now signior Macilente, you are not only welcome to the court, + but also to my mistress's withdrawing chamber -- Boy, get me some tobacco. + I'll but go in, and shew I am here, and come to you presently, sir. + [EXIT. + + MACI. What's that he said? by heaven, I mark'd him not: + My thoughts and I were of another world. + I was admiring mine own outside here, + To think what privilege and palm it bears + Here, in the court! be a man ne'er so vile, + In wit, in judgment, manners, or what else; + If he can purchase but a silken cover, + He shall not only pass, but pass regarded: + Whereas, let him be poor, and meanly clad, + Though ne'er so richly parted, you shall have + A fellow that knows nothing but his beef, + Or how to rince his clammy guts in beer, + Will take him by the shoulders, or the throat, + And kick him down the stairs. Such is the state + Of virtue in bad clothes! -- ha, ha, ha, ha! + That raiment should be in such high request! + How long should I be, ere I should put off + To the lord chancellor's tomb, or the shrives' poste? + By heav'n, I think, a thousand, thousand year. + His gravity, his wisdom, and his faith + To my dread sovereign, graces that survive him, + These I could well endure to reverence, + But not his tomb; no more than I'd commend + The chapel organ for the gilt without, + Or this base-viol, for the varnish'd face. + + RE-ENTER FASTIDIOUS. + FAST. I fear I have made you stay somewhat long, sir; but is my tobacco + ready, boy? + + CIN. Ay, sir. + + FAST. Give me; my mistress is upon coming, you shall see her presently, + sir. [PUFFS.] You'll say you never accosted a more piercing wit. -- This + tobacco is not dried, boy, or else the pipe is defective. -- Oh, your wits + of Italy are nothing comparable to her: her brain's a very quiver of + jests, and she does dart them abroad with that sweet, loose, and judicial + aim, that you would -- here she comes, sir. + [SAVIOLINA LOOKS IN, AND DRAWS BACK AGAIN. + + MACI. 'Twas time, his invention had been bogged else. + + SAV. [WITHIN.] Give me my fan there. + + MACI. How now, monsieur Brisk? + + FAST. A kind of affectionate reverence strikes me with a cold shivering, + methinks. + + MACI. I like such tempers well, as stand before their mistresses with fear + and trembling; and before their Maker, like impudent mountains! + + FAST. By this hand, I'd spend twenty pound my vaulting horse stood here + now, she might see do but one trick. + + MACI. Why, does she love activity? + + CIN. Or, if you had but your long stockings on, to be dancing a galliard + as she comes by. + + FAST. Ay, either. O, these stirring humours make ladies mad with desire; + she comes. My good genius embolden me: boy, the pipe quickly. + + ENTER SAVIOLINA. + MACI. What! will he give her music? + + FAST. A second good morrow to my fair mistress. + + SAV. Fair servant, I'll thank you a day hence, when the date of your + salutation comes forth. + + FAST. How like you that answer? is't not admirable? + + MACI. I were a simple courtier, if I could not admire trifles, sir. + + FAST. [TALKS AND TAKES TOBACCO BETWEEN THE BREAKS.] Troth, sweet lady, I + shall [PUFFS] -- be prepared to give you thanks for those thanks, and -- + study more officious, and obsequious regards -- to your fair beauties. -- + Mend the pipe, boy. + + MACI. I never knew tobacco taken as a parenthesis before. + + FAST. 'Fore God, sweet lady, believe it, I do honour the meanest rush in + this chamber for your love. + + SAV. Ay, you need not tell me that, sir; I do think you do prize a rush + before my love. + + MACI. Is this the wonder of nations! + + FAST. O, by this air, pardon me, I said 'for' your love, by this light: + but it is the accustomed sharpness of your ingenuity, sweet mistress, to + [TAKES DOWNTHE VIOL, AND PLAYS] -- mass, your viol's new strung, methinks. + + MACI. Ingenuity! I see his ignorance will not suffer him to slander her, + which he had done notably, if he had said wit for ingenuity, as he meant it. + + FAST. By the soul of music, lady -- HUM, HUM. + + SAV. Would we might hear it once. + + FAST. I do more adore and admire your -- HUM, HUM -- predominant + perfections, than -- HUM, HUM -- ever I shall have power and faculty to + express -- HUM. + + SAV. Upon the viol de gambo, you mean? + + FAST. It's miserably out of tune, by this hand. + + SAV. Nay, rather by the fingers. + + MACI. It makes good harmony with her wit. + + FAST. Sweet lady, tune it. [SAVIOLINA TUNES THE VIOL.] -- Boy, some tobacco. + + MACI. Tobacco again! he does court his mistress with very exceeding good + changes. + + FAST. Signior Macilente, you take none, sir? + + MACI. No, unless I had a mistress, signior, it were a great indecorum for + me to take tobacco. + + FAST. How like you her wit? + [TALKS AND TAKES TOBACCO BETWEEN AGAIN. + + MACI. Her ingenuity is excellent, sir. + + FAST. You see the subject of her sweet fingers there -- Oh, she tickles it + so, that -- She makes it laugh most divinely; -- I'll tell you a good jest + now, and yourself shall say it's a good one: I have wished myself to be + that instrument, I think, a thousand times, and not so few, by heaven! -- + + MACI. Not unlike, sir; but how? to be cased up and hung by on the wall? + + FAST. O, no, sir, to be in use, I assure you; as your judicious eyes may + testify. -- + + SAV. Here, servant, if you will play, come. + + FAST. Instantly, sweet lady. -- In good faith, here's most divine tobacco! + + SAV. Nay, I cannot stay to dance after your pipe. + + FAST. Good! Nay, dear lady, stay; by this sweet smoke, I think your wit + be all fire. -- + + MACI. And he's the salamander belongs to it. + + SAV. Is your tobacco perfumed, servant, that you swear by the sweet smoke? + + FAST. Still more excellent! Before heaven, and these bright lights, I + think -- you are made of ingenuity, I -- + + MACI. True, as your discourse is. O abominable! + + FAST. Will your ladyship take any? + + SAV. O peace, I pray you; I love not the breath of a woodcock's head. + + FAST. Meaning my head, lady? + + SAV. Not altogether so, sir; but, as it were fatal to their follies that + think to grace themselves with taking tobacco, when they want better + entertainment, you see your pipe bears the true form of a woodcock's head. + + FAST. O admirable simile! + + AV. 'Tis best leaving of you in admiration, sir. + [EXIT. + + MACI. Are these the admired lady-wits, that having so good a plain song, + can run no better division upon it? All her jests are of the stamp March + was fifteen years ago. Is this the comet, monsieur Fastidious, that your + gallants wonder at so? + + FAST. Heart of a gentleman, to neglect me afore the presence thus! Sweet + sir, I beseech you be silent in my disgrace. By the muses, I was never in + so vile a humour in my life, and her wit was at the flood too! Report it + not for a million, good sir: let me be so far endeared to your love. + [EXEUNT. + + MIT. What follows next, signior Cordatus? this gallant's humour is almost + spent; methinks it ebbs apace, with this contrary breath of his mistress. + + COR. O, but it will flow again for all this, till there come a general + drought of humour among our actors, and then I fear not but his will fall + as low as any. See who presents himself here! + + MIT. What, in the old case? + + COR. Ay, faith, which makes it the more pitiful; you understand where the + scene is? + + + + +ACT IV + + SCENE I. -- A ROOM IN DELIRO'S HOUSE. + + ENTER FUNGOSO, FALLACE FOLLOWING HIM. + + FAL. Why are you so melancholy, brother? + + FUNG. I am not melancholy, I thank you, sister. + + FAL. Why are you not merry then? there are but two of us in all the + world, and if we should not be comforts one to another, God help us! + + FUNG. Faith, I cannot tell, sister; but if a man had any true melancholy + in him, it would make him melancholy to see his yeomanly father cut his + neighbours' throats, to make his son a gentleman; and yet, when he has cut + them, he will see his son's throat cut too, ere he make him a true + gentleman indeed, before death cut his own throat. I must be the first + head of our house, and yet he will not give me the head till I be made so. + Is any man termed a gentleman, that is not always in the fashion? I would + know but that. + + FAL. If you be melancholy for that, brother, I think I have as much cause + to be melancholy as any one: for I'll be sworn, I live as little in the + fashion as any woman in London. By the faith of a gentlewoman, beast that + I am to say it! I have not one friend in the world besides my husband. + When saw you master Fastidious Brisk, brother? + + FUNG. But a while since, sister, I think: I know not well in truth. By + this hand I could fight with all my heart, methinks. + + FAL. Nay, good brother, be not resolute. + + FUNG. I sent him a letter, and he writes me no answer neither. + + FAL. Oh, sweet Fastidious Brisk! O fine courtier! thou are he makest me + sigh, and say, how blessed is that woman that hath a courtier to her + husband, and how miserable a dame she is, that hath neither husband, nor + friend in the court! O sweet Fastidious! O fine courtier! How comely he + bows him in his court'sy! how full he hits a woman between the lips when + he kisses! how upright he sits at the table! how daintily he carves! how + sweetly he talks, and tells news of this lord and of that lady! how + cleanly he wipes his spoon at every spoonful of any whitemeat he eats! and + what a neat case of pick-tooths he carries about him still! O sweet + Fastidious! O fine courtier! + + ENTER DELIRO AT A DISTANCE, WITH MUSICIANS. + DELI. See, yonder she is, gentlemen. Now, as ever you'll bear the name of + musicians, touch your instruments sweetly; she has a delicate ear, I tell + you: play not a false note, I beseech you. + + MUSI. Fear not, signior Deliro. + + DELI. O, begin, begin, some sprightly thing: lord, how my imagination + labours with the success of it! [THEY STRIKE UP A LIVELY TUNE.] Well + said, good i'faith! Heaven grant it please her. I'll not be seen, for + then she'll be sure to dislike it. + + FAL. Hey -- da! this is excellent! I'll lay my life this is my husband's + dotage. I thought so; nay, never play bo-peep with me; I know you do + nothing but study how to anger me, sir. + + DELI. [COMING FORWARD.] Anger thee, sweet wife! why, didst thou not send + for musicians at supper last night thyself? + + FAL. To supper, sir! now, come up to supper, I beseech you: as though + there were no difference between supper-time, when folks should be merry, + and this time when they should be melancholy. I would never take upon me + to take a wife, if I had no more judgment to please her. + + DELI. Be pleased, sweet wife, and they shall have done; and would to fate + my life were done, if I can never please thee! + [EXEUNT MUSICIANS. + + ENTER MACILENTE. + MACI. Save you lady; where is master Deliro? + + DELI. Here, master Macilente: you are welcome from court, sir; no doubt + you have been graced exceedingly of master Brisk's mistress, and the rest + of the ladies for his sake. + + MACI. Alas, the poor fantastic! he's scarce known + To any lady there; and those that know him, + Know him the simplest man of all they know: + Deride, and play upon his amorous humours, + Though he but apishly doth imitate + The gallant'st courtiers, kissing ladies' pumps, + Holding the cloth for them, praising their wits, + And servilely observing every one + May do them pleasure: fearful to be seen + With any man, though he be ne'er so worthy, + That's not in grace with some that are the greatest. + Thus courtiers do, and these he counterfeits, + But sets no such a sightly carriage + Upon their vanities, as they themselves; + And therefore they despise him: for indeed + He's like the zany to a tumbler, + That tries tricks after him, to make men laugh. + + FAL. Here's an unthankful spiteful wretch! the good gentleman vouchsafed + to make him his companion, because my husband put him into a few rags, and + now see how the unrude rascal backbites him! + [ASIDE. + + DELI. Is he no more graced amongst them then, say you? + + MACI. Faith, like a pawn at chess: fills up a room, that's all. + + FAL. O monster of men! can the earth bear such an envious caitiff? + [ASIDE. + + DELI. Well, I repent me I ever credited him so much: but now I see what + he is, and that his masking vizor is off, I'll forbear him no longer. All + his lands are mortgaged to me, and forfeited; besides, I have bonds of his + in my hand, for the receipt of now fifty pounds now a hundred, now two + hundred; still, as he has had a fan but wagged at him, he would be in a new + suit. Well, I'll salute him by a serjeant, the next time I see him + i'faith, I'll suit him. + + MACI. Why, you may soon see him sir, for he is to meet signior Puntarvolo + at a notary's by the Exchange, presently; where he meant to take up, upon + return. + + FAL. Now, out upon thee, Judas! canst thou not be content to backbite thy + friend, but thou must betray him! Wilt thou seek the undoing of any man? + and of such a man too? and will you, sir, get your living by the counsel + of traitors? + + DELI. Dear wife, have patience. + + FAL. The house will fall, the ground will open and swallow us: I'll not + bide here for all the gold and silver in heaven. + [EXIT WITH FUNGOSO. + + DELI. O, good Macilente, let's follow and appease her, or the peace of my + life is at an end. + [EXIT. + + MACI. Now pease, and not peace, feed that life, whose head hangs so + heavily over a woman's manger! + [EXIT. + + + SCENE II. -- ANOTHER ROOM IN THE SAME. + ENTER FALLACE AND FUNGOSO RUNNING; SHE CLAPS TO THE DOOR. + + FAL. Help me, brother! Ods body, an you come here I'll do myself a mischief. + + DELI. [WITHIN.] Nay, hear me, sweet wife; unless thou wilt have me go, I + will not go. + + FAL. Tut, you shall never have that vantage of me, to say, you are undone + by me. I'll not bid you stay, I. Brother, sweet brother, here's four + angels, I'll give you towards your suit: for the love of gentry, and as + ever you came of Christian creature, make haste to the water side, (you + know where master Fastidious uses to land,) and give him warning of my + husband's malicious intent; and tell him of that lean rascal's treachery. + O heavens, how my flesh rises at him! Nay, sweet brother, make haste: you + may say, I would have writ to him, but that the necessity of the time would + not permit. He cannot choose but take it extraordinarily from me: and + commend me to him, good brother; say, I sent you. + [EXIT. + + FUNG. Let me see, these four angels, and then forty shillings more I can + borrow on my gown in Fetter Lane. -- Well, I will go presently, say on my + suit, pay as much money as I have, and swear myself into credit with my + tailor for the rest. + [EXIT. + + + SCENE III. -- ANOTHER ROOM IN THE SAME. + + ENTER DELIRO AND MACILENTE. + + DELI. O, on my soul you wrong her, Macilente. Though she be froward, yet + I know she is honest. + + MACI. Well, then have I no judgment. Would any woman, but one that were + wild in her affections, have broke out into that immodest and violent + passion against her husband? or is't possible -- + + DELI. If you love me, forbear; all the arguments i' the world shall never + wrest my heart to believe it. + [EXEUNT. + + COR. How like you the deciphering of his dotage? + + MIT. O, strangely: an of the other's envy too, that labours so seriously + to set debate betwixt a man and his wife. Stay, here comes the knight + adventurer. + + COR. Ay, and his scrivener with him. + + + SCENE IV. -- PUNTARVOLO'S LODGINGS. + + ENTER PUNTARVOLO, NOTARY, AND SERVANTS WITH THE DOG AND CAT. + + PUNT. I wonder monsieur Fastidious comes not! But, notary, if thou please + to draw the indentures the while, I will give thee thy instructions. + + NOT. With all my heart, sir; and I'll fall in hand with them presently. + + PUNT. Well then, first the sum is to be understood. + + NOT. [WRITES.] Good, sir. + + PUNT. Next, our several appellations, and character of my dog and cat, + must be known. Shew him the cat, sirrah. + + NOT. So, sir. + + PUNT. Then, that the intended bound is the Turk's court in Constantinople; + the time limited for our return, a year; and that if either of us miscarry, + the whole venture is lost. These are general, conceiv'st thou? or if + either of us turn Turk. + + NOT. Ay, sir. + + PUNT. Now, for particulars: that I may make my travels by sea or land, to + my best liking; and that hiring a coach for myself, it shall be lawful for + my dog or cat, or both, to ride with me in the said coach. + + NOT. Very good, sir. + + PUNT. That I may choose to give my dog or cat, fish, for fear of bones; or + any other nutriment that, by the judgment of the most authentical + physicians where I travel, shall be thought dangerous. + + NOT. Well, sir. + + PUNT. That, after the receipt of his money, he shall neither, in his own + person, nor any other, either by direct or indirect means, as magic, + witchcraft, or other such exotic arts, attempt, practise, or complot any + thing to the prejudice of me, my dog, or my cat: neither shall I use the + help of any such sorceries or enchantments, as unctions to make our skins + impenetrable, or to travel invisible by virtue of a powder, or a ring, or + to hang any three-forked charm about my dog's neck, secretly conveyed into + his collar; (understand you?) but that all be performed sincerely, without + fraud or imposture. + + NOT. So, sir. + + PUNT. That, for testimony of the performance, myself am to bring thence a + Turk's mustachio, my dog a Grecian hare's lips, and my cat the train or + tail of a Thracian rat. + + NOT. [WRITES.] 'Tis done, sir. + + PUNT. 'Tis said, sir; not done, sir. But forward; that, upon my return, + and landing on the Tower-wharf, with the aforesaid testimony, I am to + receive five for one, according to the proportion of the sums put forth. + + NOT. Well, sir. + + PUNT. Provided, that if before our departure, or setting forth, either + myself or these be visited with sickness, or any other casual event, so + that the whole course of the adventure be hindered thereby, that then he is + to return, and I am to receive the prenominated proportion upon fair and + equal terms. + + NOT. Very good, sir; is this all? + + PUNT. It is all, sir; and dispatch them, good notary. + + NOT. As fast as is possible, sir. + [EXIT. + + ENTER CARLO. + PUNT. O Carlo! welcome: saw you monsieur Brisk? + + CAR. Not I: did he appoint you to meet here? + + PUNT. Ay, and I muse he should be so tardy; he is to take an hundred + pounds of me in venture, if he maintain his promise. + + CAR. Is his hour past? + + PUNT. Not yet, but it comes on apace. + + CAR. Tut, be not jealous of him; he will sooner break all the + commandments, than his hour; upon my life, in such a case trust him. + + PUNT. Methinks, Carlo, you look very smooth, ha! + + CAR. Why, I came but now from a hot-house; I must needs look smooth. + + PUNT. From a hot-house! + + CAR. Ay, do you make a wonder on't? why, it is your only physic. Let a + man sweat once a week in a hot-house, and be well rubb'd, and froted, with + a good plump juicy wench, and sweet linen, he shall ne'er have the pox. + + PUNT. What, the French pox? + + CAR. The French pox! out pox: we have them in as good a form as they, + man; what? + + PUNT. Let me perish, but thou art a salt one! was your new-created + gallant there with you, Sogliardo? + + CAR. O porpoise! hang him, no: he's a leiger at Horn's ordinary, yonder; + his villainous Ganymede and he have been droning a tobacco-pipe there ever + since yesterday noon. + + PUNT. Who? signior Tripartite, that would give my dog the whiffe? + + CAR. Ay, he. They have hired a chamber and all, private, to practise in, + for the making of the patoun, the receipt reciprocal, and a number of other + mysteries not yet extant. I brought some dozen or twenty gallants this + morning to view them, as you'd do a piece of perspective, in at a key-hole; + and there we might see Sogliardo sit in a chair, holding his snout up like + a sow under an apple-tree, while the other open'd his nostrils with a + poking-stick, to give the smoke a more free delivery. They had spit some + three or fourscore ounces between 'em, afore we came away. + + PUNT. How! spit three or fourscore ounces? + + CAR. Ay, and preserv'd it in porrengers, as a barber does his blood, when + he opens a vein. + + PUNT. Out, pagan! how dost thou open the vein of thy friend? + + CAR. Friend! is there any such foolish thing in the world, ha? 'slid I + never relished it yet. + + PUNT. Thy humour is the more dangerous. + + CAR. No, not a whit, signior. Tut, a man must keep time in all; I can oil + my tongue when I meet him next, and look with a good sleek forehead; 'twill + take away all soil of suspicion, and that's enough: what Lynceus can see + my heart? Pish, the title of a friend! it's a vain, idle thing, only + venerable among fools; you shall not have one that has any opinion of wit + affect it. + + ENTER DELIRO AND MACILENTE. + DELI. Save you, good sir Puntarvolo. + + PUNT. Signior Deliro! welcome. + + DELI. Pray you, sir, did you see master Fastidious Brisk? I heard he was + to meet your worship here. + + PUNT. You heard no figment, sir; I do expect him at every pulse of my watch. + + DELI. In good time, sir. + + CAR. There's a fellow now looks like one of the patricians of Sparta; + marry, his wit's after ten i' the hundred: a good bloodhound, a + close-mouthed dog, he follows the scent well; marry, he's at fault now, + methinks. + + PUNT. I should wonder at that creature is free from the danger of thy tongue. + + CAR. O, I cannot abide these limbs of satin, or rather Satan indeed, that + will walk, like the children of darkness, all day in a melancholy shop, + with their pockets full of blanks, ready to swallow up as many poor + unthrifts as come within the verge. + + PUNT. So! and what hast thou for him that is with him, now? + + CAR. O, d--n me! immortality! I'll not meddle with him; the pure element + of fire, all spirit, extraction. + + PUNT. How, Carlo! ha, what is he, man? + + CAR. A scholar, Macilente; do you not know him? a rank, raw-boned + anatomy, he walks up and down like a charged musket, no man dares encounter + him: that's his rest there. + + PUNT. His rest! why, has he a forked head? + + CAR. Pardon me, that's to be suspended; you are too quick, too apprehensive. + + DELI. Troth, now I think on't, I'll defer it till some other time. + + MACI. Not by any means, signior, you shall not lose this opportunity, he + will be here presently now. + + DELI. Yes, faith, Macilente, 'tis best. For, look you, sir, I shall so + exceedingly offend my wife in't, that -- + + MACI. Your wife! now for shame lose these thoughts, and become the master + of your own spirits. Should I, if I had a wife, suffer myself to be thus + passionately carried to and fro with the stream of her humour, and neglect + my deepest affairs, to serve her affections? 'Slight, I would geld myself + first. + + DELI. O, but signior, had you such a wife as mine is, you would -- + + MACI. Such a wife! Now hate me, sir, if ever I discern'd any wonder in + your wife yet, with all the speculation I have: I have seen some that have + been thought fairer than she, in my time; and I have seen those, have not + been altogether so tall, esteem'd properer women; and I have seen less + noses grow upon sweeter faces, that have done very well too, in my + judgment. But in good faith, signior, for all this, the gentlewoman is a + good, pretty, proud, hard-favour'd thing, marry not so peerlessly to be + doted upon, I must confess: nay, be not angry. + + DELI. Well, sir, however you please to forget yourself, I have not + deserv'd to be thus played upon; but henceforth, pray you forbear my house, + for I can but faintly endure the savour of his breath, at my table, that + shall thus jade me for my courtesies. + + MACI. Nay, then, signior, let me tell you, your wife is no proper woman, + and by my life, I suspect her honesty, that's more, which you may likewise + suspect, if you please, do you see? I'll urge you to nothing against your + appetite, but if you please, you may suspect it. + + DELI. Good sir. + [EXIT. + + MACI. Good, sir! now horn upon horn pursue thee, thou blind, egregious + dotard! + + CAR. O, you shall hear him speak like envy. -- Signior Macilente, you saw + monsieur Brisk lately: I heard you were with him at court. + + MACI. Ay, Buffone, I was with him. + + CAR. And how is he respected there? I know you'll deal ingenuously with + us; is he made much of amongst the sweeter sort of gallants? + + MACI. Faith, ay; his civet and his casting-glass + Have helpt him to a place amongst the rest: + And there, his seniors give him good slight looks, + After their garb, smile, and salute in French + With some new compliment. + + CAR. What, is this all? + + MACI. Why say, that they should shew the frothy fool + Such grace as they pretend comes from the heart, + He had a mighty windfall out of doubt! + Why, all their graces are not to do grace + To virtue or desert; but to ride both + With their gilt spurs quite breathless, from themselves. + 'Tis now esteem'd precisianism in wit, + And a disease in nature, to be kind + Toward desert, to love or seek good names. + Who feeds with a good name? who thrives with loving? + Who can provide feast for his own desires, + With serving others? -- ha, ha, ha! + 'Tis folly, by our wisest worldlings proved, + If not to gain by love, to be beloved. + + CAR. How like you him? is't not a good spiteful slave, ha? + + PUNT. Shrewd, shrewd. + + CAR. D--n me! I could eat his flesh now; divine sweet villain! + + MACI. Nay, prithee leave: What's he there? + + CAR. Who? this in the starched beard? it's the dull stiff knight + Puntarvolo, man; he's to travel now presently: he has a good knotty wit; + marry, he carries little on't out of the land with him. + + MACI. How then? + + CAR. He puts it forth in venture, as he does his money upon the return of + a dog and cat. + + MACI. Is this he? + + CAR. Ay, this is he; a good tough gentleman: he looks like a shield of + brawn at Shrove-tide, out of date, and ready to take his leave; or a dry + pole of ling upon Easter-eve, that has furnish'd the table all Lent, as he + has done the city this last vacation. + + MACI. Come, you'll never leave your stabbing similes: I shall have you + aiming at me with 'em by and by; but -- + + CAR. O, renounce me then! pure, honest, good devil, I love thee above the + love of women: I could e'en melt in admiration of thee, now. Ods so, look + here, man; Sir Dagonet and his squire! + + ENTER SOGLIARDO AND SHIFT. + SOG. Save you, my dear gallantos: nay, come, approach, good cavalier: + prithee, sweet knight, know this gentleman, he's one that it pleases me to + use as my good friend and companion; and therefore do him good offices: I + beseech you, gentles, know him, I know him all over. + + PUNT. Sir, for signior Sogliardo's sake, let it suffice, I know you. + + SOG. Why, as I am a gentleman, I thank you, knight, and it shall suffice. + Hark you, sir Puntarvolo, you'd little think it; he's as resolute a piece + of flesh as any in the world. + + PUNT. Indeed, sir! + + SOG. Upon my gentility, sir: Carlo, a word with you; do you see that same + fellow, there? + + CAR. What, cavalier Shirt? + + SOG. O, you know him; cry you mercy: before me, I think him the tallest + man living within the walls of Europe. + + CAR. The walls of Europe! take heed what you say, signior, Europe's a + huge thing within the walls. + + SOG. 'Tut, an 'twere as huge again, I'd justify what I speak. 'Slid, he + swagger'd even now in a place where we were -- I never saw a man do it more + resolute. + + CAR. Nay, indeed, swaggering is a good argument of resolution. Do you + hear this, signior? + + MACI. Ay, to my grief. O, that such muddy flags, + For every drunken flourish should achieve + The name of manhood, whilst true perfect valour, + Hating to shew itself, goes by despised! + Heart! I do know now, in a fair just cause, + I dare do more than he, a thousand times; + Why should not they take knowledge of this, ha! + And give my worth allowance before his? + Because I cannot swagger. -- Now, the pox + Light on your Pickt-hatch prowess! + + SOG. Why, I tell you, sir; he has been the only 'Bid-stand' that ever kept + New-market, Salisbury-plain, Hockley i' the Hole, Gadshill, and all the + high places of any request: he has had his mares and his geldings, he, + have been worth forty, threescore, a hundred pound a horse, would ha' + sprung you over the hedge and ditch like your greyhound: he has done five + hundred robberies in his time, more or less, I assure you. + + PUNT. What, and scaped? + + SOG. Scaped! i'faith, ay: he has broken the gaol when he has been in + irons and irons; and been out and in again; and out, and in; forty times, + and not so few, he. + + MACI. A fit trumpet, to proclaim such a person. + + CAR. But can this be possible? + + SHIFT. Pardon me, my dear Orestes; causes have their quiddits, and 'tis + ill jesting with bell-ropes. + + CAR. How! Pylades and Orestes? + + SOG. Ay, he is my Pylades, and I am his Orestes: how like you the conceit? + + CAR. O, 'tis an old stale interlude device; no, I'll give you names + myself, look you; he shall be your Judas, and you shall be his elder-tree + to hang on. + + MACI. Nay, rather let him be captain Pod, and this his motion: for he + does nothing but shew him. + + CAR. Excellent: or thus; you shall be Holden, and he your camel. + + SHIFT. You do not mean to ride, gentlemen? + + PUNT. Faith, let me end it for you, gallants: you shall be his + Countenance, and he your Resolution. + + SOG. Troth, that's pretty: how say you, cavalier, shall it be so? + + CAR. Ay, ay, most voices. + + SHIFT. Faith, I am easily yielding to any good impressions. + + SOG. Then give hands, good Resolution. + + CAR. Mass, he cannot say, good Countenance, now, properly, to him again. + + PUNT. Yes, by an irony. + + MACI. O, sir, the countenance of Resolution should, as he is, be + altogether grim and unpleasant. + + ENTER FASTIDIOUS BRISK. + FAST. Good hours make music with your mirth, gentlemen, and keep time to + your humours! -- How now, Carlo? + + PUNT. Monsieur Brisk? many a long look have I extended for you, sir. + + FAST. Good faith, I must crave pardon: I was invited this morning, ere I + was out of my bed, by a bevy of ladies, to a banquet: whence it was almost + one of Hercules's labours for me to come away, + but that the respect of my promise did so prevail with me. I know they'll + take it very ill, especially one, that gave me this bracelet of her hair + but over night, and this pearl another gave me from her forehead, marry she + -- what! are the writings ready? + + PUNT. I will send my man to know. Sirrah, go you to the notary's, and + learn if he be ready: leave the dog, sir. + [EXIT SERVANT. + + FAST. And how does my rare qualified friend, Sogliardo? Oh, signior + Macilente! by these eyes, I saw you not; I had saluted you sooner else, o' + my troth. I hope, sir, I may presume upon you, that you will not divulge + my late check, or disgrace, indeed, sir. + + MACI. You may, sir. + + CAR. He knows some notorious jest by this gull, that he hath him so + obsequious. + + SOG. Monsieur Fastidious, do you see this fellow there? does he not look + like a clown? would you think there were any thing in him? + + FAST. Any thing in him! beshrew me, ay; the fellow hath a good ingenious + face. + + SOG. By this element he is as ingenious a tall man as ever swagger'd about + London: he, and I, call Countenance and Resolution; but his name is + cavalier Shift. + + PUNT. Cavalier, you knew signior Clog, that was hang'd for the robbery at + Harrow on the hill? + + SOG. Knew him, sir! why, 'twas he gave all the directions for the action. + + PUNT. How! was it your project, sir? + + SHIFT. Pardon me, Countenance, you do me some wrong to make occasions + public, which I imparted to you in private. + + SOG. God's will! here are none but friends, Resolution. + + SHIFT. That's all one; things of consequence must have their respects; + where, how, and to whom. -- Yes, sir, he shewed himself a true Clog in the + coherence of that affair, sir; for, if he had managed matters as they were + corroborated to him, it had been better for him by a forty or fifty score + of pounds, sir; and he himself might have lived, in despight of fates, to + have fed on woodcocks, with the rest: but it was his heavy fortune to + sink, poor Clog! and therefore talk no more of him. + + PUNT. Why, had he more aiders then? + + SOG. O lord, sir! ay, there were some present there, that were the Nine + Worthies to him, i'faith. + + SHIFT. Ay, sir, I can satisfy you at more convenient conference: but, for + mine own part, I have now reconciled myself to other courses, and profess a + living out of my other qualities. + + SOG. Nay, he has left all now, I assure you, and is able to live like a + gentleman, by his qualities. By this dog, he has the most rare gift in + tobacco that ever you knew. + + CAR. He keeps more ado with this monster, than ever Banks did with his + horse, or the fellow with the elephant. + + MACI. He will hang out his picture shortly, in a cloth, you shall see. + + SOG. O, he does manage a quarrel the best that ever you saw, for terms and + circumstances. + + FAST. Good faith, signior, now you speak of a quarrel, I'll acquaint you + with a difference that happened between a gallant and myself; sir + Puntarvolo, you know him if I should name him signior Luculento. + + PUNT. Luculento! what inauspicious chance interposed itself to your two + loves? + + FAST. Faith, sir, the same that sundered Agamemnon and great Thetis' son; + but let the cause escape, sir: he sent me a challenge, mixt with some few + braves, which I restored, and in fine we met. Now, indeed, sir, I must + tell you, he did offer at first very desperately, but without judgment: + for, look you, sir, I cast myself into this figure; now he comes violently + on, and withal advancing his rapier to strike, I thought to have took his + arm, for he had left his whole body to my election, and I was sure he could + not recover his guard. Sir, I mist my purpose in his arm, rash'd his + doublet-sleeve, ran him close by the left cheek, and through his hair. He + again lights me here, -- I had on a gold cable hatband, then new come up, + which I wore about a murey French hat I had, -- cuts my hatband, and yet it + was massy goldsmith's work, cuts my brims, which by good fortune, being + thick embroidered with gold twist and spangles, disappointed the force of + the blow: nevertheless, it grazed on my shoulder, takes me away six purls + of an Italian cut-work band I wore, cost me three pound in the Exchange but + three days before. + + PUNT. This was a strange encounter. + + FAST. Nay, you shall hear, sir: with this we both fell out, and breath'd. + Now, upon the second sign of his assault, I betook me to the former manner + of my defence; he, on the other side, abandon'd his body to the same danger + as before, and follows me still with blows: but I being loth to take the + deadly advantage that lay before me of his left side, made a kind of + stramazoun, ran him up to the hilts through the doublet, through the shirt, + and yet miss'd the skin. He, making a reverse blow, -- falls upon my + emboss'd girdle, I had thrown off the hangers a little before -- strikes + off a skirt of a thick-laced satin doublet I had, lined with four taffatas, + cuts off two panes embroidered with pearl, rends through the drawings-out + of tissue, enters the linings, and skips the flesh. + + CAR. I wonder he speaks not of his wrought shirt. + + FAST. Here, in the opinion of mutual damage, we paused; but, ere I + proceed, I must tell you, signior, that, in this last encounter, not having + leisure to put off my silver spurs, one of the rowels catch'd hold of the + ruffle of my boot, and, being Spanish leather, and subject to tear, + overthrows me, rends me two pair of silk stockings, that I put on, being + somewhat a raw morning, a peach colour and another, and strikes me some + half inch deep into the side of the calf: he, seeing the blood come, + presently takes horse, and away: I, having bound up my wound with a piece + of my wrought shirt -- + + CAR. O! comes it in there? + + FAST. Rid after him, and, lighting at the court gate both together, + embraced, and march'dhand in hand up into the presence. Was not this + business well carried? + + MACI. Well! yes, and by this we can guess what apparel the gentleman wore. + + PUNT. 'Fore valour, it was a designment begun with much resolution, + maintain'd with as much prowess, and ended with more humanity. -- + RE-ENTER SERVANT. + How now, what says the notary? + + SERV. He says, he is ready, sir; he stays but your worship's pleasure. + + PUNT. Come, we will go to him, monsieur. Gentlemen, shall we entreat you + to be witnesses? + + SOG. You shall entreat me, sir. -- Come, Resolution. + + SHIFT. I follow you, good Countenance. + + CAR. Come, signior, come, come. + [EXEUNT ALL BUT MACILENTE. + + MACI. O, that there should be fortune + To clothe these men, so naked in desert! + And that the just storm of a wretched life + Beats them not ragged for their wretched souls, + And, since as fruitless, even as black, as coals! + [EXIT. + + MIT. Why, but signior, how comes it that Fungoso appeared not with his + sister's intelligence to Brisk? + + COR. Marry, long of the evil angels that she gave him, who have indeed + tempted the good simple youth to follow the tail of the fashion, and + neglect the imposition of his friends. Behold, here he comes, very + worshipfully attended, and with good variety. + + + SCENE V. -- A ROOM IN DELIRO'S HOUSE + + ENTER FUNGOSO IN A NEW SUIT, FOLLOWED BY HIS TAILOR, SHOEMAKER, AND + HABERDASHER. + + FUNG. Gramercy, good shoemaker, I'll put to strings myself.. + [EXIT SHOEMAKER.] -- Now, sir, let me see, what must you have for this hat? + + HABE. Here's the bill, sir. + + FUNG. How does it become me, well? + + TAI. Excellent, sir, as ever you had any hat in your life. + + FUNG. Nay, you'll say so all. + + HABE. In faith, sir, the hat's as good as any man in this town can serve + you, and will maintain fashion as long; never trust me for a groat else. + + FUNG. Does it apply well to my suit? + + TAI. Exceeding well, sir. + + FUNG. How lik'st thou my suit, haberdasher? + + HABE. By my troth, sir, 'tis very rarely well made; I never saw a suit sit + better, I can tell on. + + TAI. Nay, we have no art to please our friends, we! + + FUNG. Here, haberdasher, tell this same. + [GIVES HIM MONEY. + + HABE. Good faith, sir, it makes you have an excellent body. + + FUNG. Nay, believe me, I think I have as good a body in clothes as another. + + TAI. You lack points to bring your apparel together, sir. + + FUNG. I'll have points anon. How now! Is't right? + + HABE. Faith, sir, 'tis too little' but upon farther hopes -- Good morrow + to you, sir. + [EXIT. + + FUNG. Farewell, good haberdasher. Well now, master Snip, let me see your + bill. + + MIT. Me thinks he discharges his followers too thick. + + COR. O, therein he saucily imitates some great man. I warrant you, though + he turns off them, he keeps this tailor, in place of a page, to follow him + still. + + FUNG. This bill is very reasonable, in faith: hark you, master Snip -- + Troth, sir, I am not altogether so well furnished at this present, as I + could wish I were; but -- if you'll do me the favour to take part in hand, + you shall have all I have, by this hand. + + TAI. Sir -- + + FUNG. And but give me credit for the rest, till the beginning of the next + term. + + TAI. O lord, sir -- + + FUNG. 'Fore God, and by this light, I'll pay you to the utmost, and + acknowledge myself very deeply engaged to you by the courtesy. + + TAI. Why, how much have you there, sir? + + FUNG. Marry, I have here four angels, and fifteen shillings of white + money: it's all I have, as I hope to be blest + + TAI. You will not fail me at the next term with the rest? + + FUNG. No, an I do, pray heaven I be hang'd. Let me never breathe again + upon this mortal stage, as the philosopher calls it! By this air, and as I + am a gentleman, I'll hold. + + COR. He were an iron-hearted fellow, in my judgment, that would not credit + him upon this volley of oaths. + + TAI. Well, sir, I'll not stick with any gentleman for a trifle: you know + what 'tis remains? + + FUNG. Ay, sir, and I give you thanks in good faith. O fate, how happy I + am made in this good fortune! Well, now I'll go seek out monsieur Brisk. + 'Ods so, I have forgot riband for my shoes, and points. 'Slid, what luck's + this! how shall I do? Master Snip, pray let me reduct some two or three + shillings for points and ribands: as I am an honest man, I have utterly + disfurnished myself, in the default of memory; pray let me be beholding to + you; it shall come home in the bill, believe me. + + TAI. Faith, sir, I can hardly depart with ready money; but I'll take up, + and send you some by my boy presently. What coloured riband would you have? + + FUNG. What you shall think meet in your judgment, sir, to my suit. + + TAI. Well, I'll send you some presently. + + FUNG. And points too, sir? + + TAI. And points too, sir. + + FUNG. Good lord, how shall I study to deserve this kindness of you sir! + Pray let your youth make haste, for I should have done a business an hour + since, that I doubt I shall come too late. + [EXIT TAILOR.] + Now, in good faith, I am exceeding proud of my suit. + + COR. Do you observe the plunges that this poor gallant is put to, signior, + to purchase the fashion? + + MIT. Ay, and to be still a fashion behind with the world, that's the sport. + + COR. Stay: O, here they come from seal'd and deliver'd. + + + SCENE VI. -- PUNTARVOLO'S LODGINGS. + + ENTER PUNTARVOLO, FASTIDIOUS BRISK IN A NEW SUIT, AND SERVANTS WITH THE DOG. + + PUNT. Well, now my whole venture is forth, I will resolve to depart shortly. + + FAST. Faith, sir Puntarvolo, go to the court, and take leave of the ladies + first. + + PUNT. I care not, if it be this afternoon's labour. Where is Carlo? + + FAST. Here he comes. + + ENTER CARLO, SOGLIARDO, SHIFT, AND MACILENTE. + + CAR. Faith, gallants, I am persuading this gentleman [POINTS TO SOGLIARDO] + to turn courtier. He is a man of fair revenue, and his estate will bear + the charge well. Besides, for his other gifts of the mind, or so, why they + are as nature lent him them, pure, simple, without any artificial drug or + mixture of these two threadbare beggarly qualities, learning and knowledge, + and therefore the more accommodate and genuine. Now, for the life itself -- + + FAST. O, the most celestial, and full of wonder and delight, that can be + imagined, signior, beyond thought and apprehension of pleasure! A man + lives there in that divine rapture, that he will think himself i' the ninth + heaven for the time, and lose all sense of mortality whatsoever, when he + shall behold such glorious, and almost immortal beauties; hear such + angelical and harmonious voices, discourse with such flowing and ambrosial + spirits, whose wits are as sudden as lightning, and humorous as nectar; oh, + it makes a man all quintessence and flame, and lifts him up, in a moment, + to the very crystal crown of the sky, where, hovering in the strength of + his imagination, he shall behold all the delights of the Hesperides, the + Insulae Fortunatae, Adonis' Gardens, Tempe, or what else, confined within + the amplest verge of poesy, to be mere umbrae, and imperfect figures, + conferred with the most essential felicity of your court. + + MACI. Well, this ecomium was not extemporal, it came too perfectly off. + + CAR. Besides, sir, you shall never need to go to a hot-house, you shall + sweat there with courting your mistress, or losing your money at primero, + as well as in all the stoves in Sweden. Marry, this, sir, you must ever be + sure to carry a good strong perfume about you, that your mistress's dog may + smell you out amongst the rest; and, in making love to her, never fear to + be out; for you may have a pipe of tobacco, or a bass viol shall hang o' + the wall, of purpose, will put you in presently. The tricks your + Resolution has taught you in tobacco, the whiffe, and those sleights, will + stand you in very good ornament there. + + FAST. Ay, to some, perhaps; but, an he should come to my mistress with + tobacco (this gentleman knows) she'd reply upon him, i'faith. O, by this + bright sun, she has the most acute, ready, and facetious wit that -- tut, + there's no spirit able to stand her. You can report it, signior, you have + seen her. + + PUNT. Then can he report no less, out of his judgment, I assure him. + + MACI. Troth, I like her well enough, but she's too self-conceited, methinks. + + FAST. Ay, indeed, she's a little too self-conceited; an 'twere not for + that humour, she were the most-to-be-admired lady in the world. + + PUNT. Indeed, it is a humour that takes from her other excellences. + + MACI. Why, it may easily be made to forsake her, in my thought. + + FAST. Easily, sir! then are all impossibilities easy. + + MACI. You conclude too quick upon me, signior. What will you say, if I + make it so perspicuously appear now, that yourself shall confess nothing + more possible? + + FAST. Marry, I will say, I will both applaud and admire you for it. + + PUNT. And I will second him in the admiration. + + MACI. Why, I'll show you, gentlemen. -- Carlo, come hither. + [MACI., CAR., PUNT., AND FAST. WHISPER TOGETHER. + + SOG. Good faith, I have a great humour to the court. What thinks my + Resolution? shall I adventure? + + SHIFT. Troth, Countenance, as you please; the place is a place of good + reputation and capacity. + + SOG. O, my tricks in tobacco, as Carlo says, will show excellent there. + + SHIFT. Why, you may go with these gentlemen now, and see fashions; and + after, as you shall see correspondence. + + SOG. You say true. You will go with me, Resolution? + + SHIFT. I will meet you, Countenance, about three or four o'clock; but, to + say to go with you, I cannot; for, as I am Apple-John, I am to go before + the cockatrice you saw this morning, and therefore pray, present me + excused, good Countenance. + + SOG. Farewell, good Resolution, but fail not to meet. + + SHIFT. As I live. + [EXIT. + + PUNT. Admirably excellent! + + MACI. If you can but persuade Sogliardo to court, there's all now. + + CAR. O, let me alone, that's my task. + [GOES TO SOGLIARDO. + + FAST. Now, by wit, Macilente, it's above measure excellent; 'twill be the + only court-exploit that ever proved courtier ingenious. + + PUNT. Upon my soul, it puts the lady quite out of her humour, and we shall + laugh with judgment. + + CAR. Come, the gentleman was of himself resolved to go with you, afore I + moved it. + + MACI. Why, then, gallants, you two and Carlo go afore to prepare the jest; + Sogliardo and I will come some while after you. + + CAR. Pardon me, I am not for the court. + + PUNT. That's true; Carlo comes not at court, indeed. Well, you shall + leave it to the faculty of monsieur Brisk, and myself; upon our lives, we + will manage it happily. Carlo shall bespeak supper at the Mitre, against + we come back: where we will meet and dimple our cheeks with laughter at + the success. + + CAR. Ay, but will you promise to come? + + PUNT. Myself shall undertake for them; he that fails, let his reputation + lie under the lash of thy tongue. + + CAR. Ods so, look who comes here! + + ENTER FUNGOSO. + + SOG. What, nephew! + + FUNG. Uncle, God save you; did you see a gentleman, one monsieur Brisk, a + courtier? he goes in such a suit as I do. + + SOG. Here is the gentleman, nephew, but not in such a suit. + + FUNG. Another suit! [HE SWOONS. + + SOG. How now, nephew? + + FAST. Would you speak with me, sir? + + CAR. Ay, when he has recovered himself, poor Poll! + + PUNT. Some rosa-solis. + + MACI. How now, signior? + + FUNG. I am not well, sir. + + MACI. Why, this it is to dog the fashion. + + CAR. Nay, come, gentlemen, remember your affairs; his disease is nothing + but the flux of apparel. + + PUNT. Sirs, return to the lodging, keep the cat safe; I'll be the dog's + guardian myself. + [EXEUNT SERVANTS. + + SOG. Nephew, will you go to court with us? these gentlemen and I are for + the court; nay, be not so melancholy. + + FUNG. 'Slid, I think no man in Christendom has that rascally fortune that + I have. + + MACI. Faith, you suit is well enough, signior. + + FUNG. Nay, not for that, I protest; but I had an errand to monsieur + Fastidious, and I have forgot it. + + MACI. Why, go along to court with us, and remember it; come, gentlemen, + you three take one boat, and Sogliardo and I will take another; we shall be + there instantly. + + FAST. Content: good sir, vouchsafe us your pleasance. + + PUNT. Farewell, Carlo: remember. + + CAR. I warrant you: would I had one of Kemp's shoes to throw after you. + + PUNT. Good fortune will close the eyes of our jest, fear not; and we shall + frolick. + [EXEUNT. + + MIT. This Macilente, signior, begins to be more sociable on a sudden, + methinks, than he was before: there's some portent in it, I believe. + + COR. O, he's a fellow of a strange nature. Now does he, in this calm of + his humour, plot, and store up a world of malicious thoughts in his brain, + till he is so full with them, that you shall see the very torrent of his + envy break forth like a land-flood: and, against the course of all their + affections, oppose itself so violently, that you will almost have wonder to + think, how 'tis possible the current of their dispositions shall receive so + quick and strong an alteration. + + MIT. Ay, marry, sir, this is that, on which my expectation has dwelt all + this while; for I must tell you, signior, though I was loth to interrupt + the scene, yet I made it a question in mine own private discourse, how he + should properly call it "Every Man out of his Humour", when I saw all his + actors so strongly pursue, and continue their humours? + + COR. Why, therein his art appears most full of lustre, and approacheth + nearest the life; especially when in the flame and height of their humours, + they are laid flat, it fills the eye better, and with more contentment. + How tedious a sight were it to behold a proud exalted tree kept and cut + down by degrees, when it might be fell'd in a moment! and to set the axe + to it before it came to that pride and fulness, were, as not to have it + grow. + + MIT. Well, I shall long till I see this fall, you talk of. + + COR. To help your longing, signior, let your imagination be swifter than a + pair of oars: and by this, suppose Puntarvolo, Brisk, Fungoso, and the + dog, arrived at the court-gate, and going up to the great chamber. + Macilente and Sogliardo, we'll leave them on the water, till possibility + and natural means may land them. Here come the gallants, now prepare your + expectations. + + + + +ACT V + + SCENE I. -- THE PALACE STAIRS. + + ENTER PUNTARVOLO, WITH HIS DOG, FOLLOWED BY FASTIDIOUS + BRISK AND FUNGOSO. + + PUNT. Come, gentles, Signior, you are sufficiently instructed. + + FAST. Who, I, sir? + + PUNT. No, this gentleman. But stay, I take thought how to bestow my dog; + he is no competent attendant for the presence. + + FAST. Mass, that's true, indeed, knight; you must not carry him into the + presence. + + PUNT. I know it, and I, like a dull beast, forgot to bring one of my + cormorants to attend me. + + FAST. Why, you were best leave him at the porter's lodge. + + PUNT. Not so; his worth is too well known amongst them, to be forth-coming. + + FAST. 'Slight, how will you do then? + + PUNT. I must leave him with one that is ignorant of his quality, if I will + have him to be safe. And see! here comes one that will carry coals, ergo, + will hold my dog. + ENTER A GROOM, WITH A BASKET. + My honest friend, may I commit the tuition of this dog to thy prudent care? + + GROOM. You may, if you please, sir. + + PUNT. Pray thee let me find thee here at my return; it shall not be long, + till I will ease thee of thy employment, and please thee. Forth, gentles. + + FAST. Why, but will you leave him with so slight command, and infuse no + more charge upon the fellow? + + PUNT. Charge! no; there were no policy in that; that were to let him know + the value of the gem he holds, and so to tempt frail nature against her + disposition. No, pray thee let thy honesty be sweet, as it shall be short. + + GROOM. Yes, sir. + + PUNT. But hark you, gallants, and chiefly monsieur Brisk: when we come in + eye-shot, or presence of this lady, let not other matters carry us from our + project; but, if we can, single her forth to some place -- + + FAST. I warrant you. + + PUNT. And be not too sudden, but let the device induce itself with good + circumstance. On. + + FUNG. Is this the way? good truth, here be fine hangings. + [EXEUNT PUNT., FAST., AND FUNGOSO. + + GROOM. Honesty! sweet, and short! Marry, it shall, sir, doubt you not; + for even at this instant if one would give me twenty pounds, I would not + deliver him; there's for the sweet: but now, if any man come offer me but + two-pence, he shall have him; there's for the short now. 'Slid, what a mad + humorous gentleman is this to leave his dog with me! I could run away with + him now, an he were worth any thing. + + ENTER MACILENTE AND SOGLIARDO. + MACI. Come on, signior, now prepare to court this all-witted lady, most + naturally, and like yourself. + + SOG. Faith, an you say the word, I'll begin to her in tobacco. + + MACI. O, fie on't! no; you shall begin with, "How does my sweet lady", + or, "Why are you so melancholy, madam?" though she be very merry, it's all + one. Be sure to kiss your hand often enough; pray for her health, and tell + her, how "More than most fair she is". Screw your face at one side thus, + and protest: let her fleer, and look askance, and hide her teeth with her + fan, when she laughs a fit, to bring her into more matter, that's nothing: + you must talk forward, (though it be without sense, so it be without + blushing,) 'tis most court-like and well. + + SOG. But shall I not use tobacco at all? + + MACI. O, by no means; 'twill but make your breath suspected, and that you + use it only to confound the rankness of that. + + SOG. Nay, I'll be advised, sir, by my friends. + + MACI. Od's my life, see where sir Puntarvolo's dog is. + + GROOM. I would the gentleman would return for his follower here, I'll + leave him to his fortunes else. + + MACI. 'Twere the only true jest in the world to poison him now; ha! by + this hand I'll do it, if I could but get him of the fellow. [ASIDE.] + Signior Sogliardo, walk aside, and think upon some device to entertain the + lady with. + + SOG. So I do, sir. + [WALKS OFF IN A MEDITATING POSTURE. + + MACI. How now, mine honest friend! whose dog-keeper art thou? + + GROOM. Dog-keeper, sir! I hope I scorn that, i'faith. + + MACI. Why, dost thou not keep a dog? + + GROOM. Sir, now I do, and now I do not: [THROWS OFF THE DOG.] I think + this be sweet and short. Make me his dog-keeper! + [EXIT. + + MACI. This is excellent, above expectation! nay, stay, sir; [SEIZING THE + DOG.] you'd be travelling; but I'll give you a dram shall shorten your + voyage, here. [GIVES HIM POISON.] So, sir, I'll be bold to take my leave + of you. Now to the Turk's court in the devil's name, for you shall never + go o' God's name. [KICKS HIM OUT.] -- Sogliardo, come. + + SOG. I have it i'faith now, will sting it. + + MACI. Take heed you leese it not signior, ere you come there; preserve it. + [EXEUNT. + + COR. How like you this first exploit of his? + + MIT. O, a piece of true envy; but I expect the issue of the other device. + + COR. Here they come will make it appear. + + + SCENE II. -- AN APARTMENT IN THE PALACE. + + ENTER SAVIOLINA, PUNTARVOLO, FASTIDIOUS BRISK, AND FUNGOSO. + + SAV. Why, I thought, sir Puntarvolo, you had been gone your voyage? + + PUNT. Dear and most amiable lady, your divine beauties do bind me to those + offices, that I cannot depart when I would. + + SAV. 'Tis most court-like spoken, sir; but how might we do to have a sight + of your dog and cat? + + FAST. His dog is in the court, lady. + + SAV. And not your cat? how dare you trust her behind you, sir. + + PUNT. Troth, madam, she hath sore eyes, and she doth keep her chamber; + marry, I have left her under sufficient guard there are two of my followers + to attend her. + + SAV. I'll give you some water for her eyes. When do you go, sir? + + PUNT. Certes, sweet lady, I know not. + + FAST. He doth stay the rather, madam, to present your acute judgment with + so courtly and well parted a gentleman as yet your ladyship hath never seen. + + SAV. What is he, gentle monsieur Brisk? not that gentleman? + [POINTS TO FUNGOSO. + + FAST. No, lady, this is a kinsman to justice Silence. + + PUNT. Pray, sir, give me leave to report him. He's a gentleman, lady, of + that rare and admirable faculty, as, I protest, I know not his like in + Europe; he is exceedingly valiant, an excellent scholar, and so exactly + travelled, that he is able, in discourse, to deliver you a model of any + prince's court in the world; speaks the languages with that purity of + phrase, and facility of accent, that it breeds astonishment; his wit, the + most exuberant, and, above wonder, pleasant, of all that ever entered the + concave of this ear. + + FAST. 'Tis most true, lady; marry, he is no such excellent proper man. + + PUNT. His travels have changed his complexion, madam. + + SAV. O, sir Puntarvolo, you must think every man was not born to have my + servant Brisk's feature. + + PUNT. But that which transcends all, lady; he doth so peerlessly imitate + any manner of person for gesture, action, passion, or whatever -- + + FAST. Ay, especially a rustic or a clown, madam, that it is not possible + for the sharpest-sighted wit in the world to discern any sparks of the + gentleman in him, when he does it. + + SAV. O, monsieur Brisk, be not so tyrannous to confine all wits within the + compass of your own; not find the sparks of a gentleman in him, if he be a + gentleman! + + FUNG. No, in truth, sweet lady, I believe you cannot. + + SAV. Do you believe so? why, I can find sparks of a gentleman in you, sir. + + PUNT. Ay, he is a gentleman, madam, and a reveller. + + FUNG. Indeed, I think I have seen your ladyship at our revels. + + SAV. Like enough, sir; but would I might see this wonder you talk of; may + one have a sight of him for any reasonable sum? + + PUNT. Yes, madam, he will arrive presently. + + SAV. What, and shall we see him clown it? + + FAST. I'faith, sweet lady, that you shall; see, here he comes. + + ENTER MACILENTE AND SOGLIARDO. + PUNT. This is he! pray observe him, lady. + + SAV. Beshrew me, he clowns it properly indeed. + + PUNT. Nay, mark his courtship. + + SOG. How does my sweet lady? hot and moist? beautiful and lusty? ha! + + SAV. Beautiful, an it please you, sir, but not lusty. + + SOG. O ho, lady, it pleases you to say so, in truth: And how does my + sweet lady? in health? 'Bonaroba, quaeso, que novelles? que novelles?' + sweet creature! + + SAV. O excellent! why, gallants, is this he that cannot be deciphered? + they were very blear-witted, i'faith, that could not discern the gentleman + in him. + + PUNT. But you do, in earnest, lady? + + SAV. Do I sir! why, if you had any true court-judgment in the carriage of + his eye, and that inward power that forms his countenance, you might + perceive his counterfeiting as clear as the noon-day; alas -- nay, if you + would have tried my wit, indeed, you should never have told me he was a + gentleman, but presented him for a true clown indeed; and then have seen if + I could have deciphered him. + + FAST. 'Fore God, her ladyship says true, knight: but does he not affect + the clown most naturally, mistress? + + PUNT. O, she cannot but affirm that, out of the bounty of her judgment. + + SAV. Nay, out of doubt he does well, for a gentleman to imitate: but I + warrant you, he becomes his natural carriage of the gentleman, much better + than his clownery. + + FAST. 'Tis strange, in truth, her ladyship should see so far into him! + + PUNT. Ay, is it not? + + SAV. Faith, as easily as may be; not decipher him, quoth you! + + FUNG. Good sadness, I wonder at it + + MACI. Why, has she deciphered him, gentlemen? + + PUNT. O, most miraculously, and beyond admiration. + + MACI. Is it possible? + + FAST. She hath gather'd most infallible signs of the gentleman in him, + that's certain. + + SAV. Why, gallants, let me laugh at you a little: was this your device, + to try my judgment in a gentleman? + + MACI. Nay, lady, do not scorn us, though you have this gift of perspicacy + above others. What if he should be no gentleman now, but a clown indeed, + lady? + + PUNT. How think you of that? would not your ladyship be Out of your Humour? + + FAST. O, but she knows it is not so. + + SAV. What if he were not a man, ye may as well say? Nay, if your worships + could gull me so, indeed, you were wiser than you are taken for. + + MACI. In good faith, lady, he is a very perfect clown, both by father and + mother; that I'll assure you. + + SAV. O, sir, you are very pleasurable. + + MACI. Nay, do but look on his hand, and that shall resolve you; look you, + lady, what a palm here is. + + SOG. Tut, that was with holding the plough. + + MACI. The plough! did you discern any such thing in him, madam? + + FAST. Faith no, she saw the gentleman as bright as noon-day, she; she + deciphered him at first. + + MACI. Troth, I am sorry your ladyship's sight should be so suddenly struck. + + SAV. O, you are goodly beagles! + + FAST. What, is she gone? + + SOG. Nay, stay, sweet lady: 'que novelles? que novelles?' + + SAV. Out, you fool, you! + [EXIT IN ANGER. + + FUNG. She's Out of her Humour, i'faith. + + FAST. Nay, let's follow it while 'tis hot, gentlemen. + + PUNT. Come, on mine honour we shall make her blush in the presence; my + spleen is great with laughter. + + MACI. Your laughter will be a child of a feeble life, I believe, sir. + [ASIDE.] -- Come, signior, your looks are too dejected, methinks; why mix + you not mirth with the rest? + + FUNG. Od's will, this suit frets me at the soul. I'll have it alter'd + to-morrow, sure. + + + SCENE III. -- THE PALACE STAIRS. + + ENTER SHIFT. + + SHIFT. I am come to the court, to meet with my Countenance, Sogliardo; + poor men must be glad of such countenance, when they can get no better. + Well, need may insult upon a man, but it shall never make him despair of + consequence. The world will say, 'tis base: tush, base! 'tis base to + live under the earth, not base to live above it by any means. + + ENTER FASTIDIOUS, PUNTARVOLO, SOGLIARDO, FUNGOSO, AND MACILENTE. + FAST. The poor lady is most miserably out of her humour, i'faith. + + PUNT. There was never so witty a jest broken, at the tilt of all the court + wits christen'd. + + MACI. O, this applause taints it foully. + + SOG. I think I did my part in courting. -- O, Resolution! + + PUNT. Ay me, my dog! + + MACI. Where is he? + + FAST. 'Sprecious, go seek for the fellow, good signior + [EXIT FUNGOSO. + + PUNT. Here, here I left him. + + MACI. Why, none was here when we came in now, but cavalier Shirt; enquire + of him. + + FAST. Did you see sir Puntarvolo's dog here, cavalier, since you came? + + SHIFT. His dog, sir! he may look his dog, sir; I saw none of his dog, sir. + + MACI. Upon my life, he has stolen your dog, sir, and been hired to it by + some that have ventured with you; you may guess by his peremptory answers. + + PUNT. Not unlike; for he hath been a notorious thief by his own + confession. Sirrah, where is my dog? + + SHIFT. Charge me with your dog, sir! I have none of your dog, sir. + + PUNT. Villain, thou liest. + + SHIFT. Lie, sir! s'blood, -- you are but a man, sir. + + PUNT. Rogue and thief, restore him. + + SOG. Take heed, sir Puntarvolo, what you do; he'll bear no coals, I can + tell you, o' my word. + + MACI. This is rare. + + SOG. It's marle he stabs you not: By this light, he hath stabbed forty, + for forty times less matter, I can tell you of my knowledge. + + PUNT. I will make thee stoop, thou abject. + + SOG. Make him stoop, sir! Gentlemen, pacify him, or he'll be kill'd. + + MACI. Is he so tall a man? + + SOG. Tall a man! if you love his life, stand betwixt them. Make him stoop! + + PUNT. My dog, villain, or I will hang thee; thou hast confest robberies, + and other felonious acts, to this gentleman, thy Countenance -- + + SOG. I'll bear no witness. + + PUNT. And without my dog, I will hang thee, for them. + [SHIFT KNEELS. + + SOG. What! kneel to thine enemies! + + SHIFT. Pardon me, good sir; God is my witness, I never did robbery in all + my life. + + RE-ENTER FUNGOSO. + FUNG. O, sir Puntarvolo, your dog lies giving up the ghost in the wood-yard. + + MACI. Heart, is he not dead yet! + [ASIDE. + + PUNT. O, my dog, born to disastrous fortune! pray you conduct me, sir. + [EXIT WITH FUNGOSO. + + SOG. How! did you never do any robbery in your life? + + MACI. O, this is good! so he swore, sir. + + SOG. Ay, I heard him: and did you swear true, sir? + + SHIFT. Ay, as I hope to be forgiven, sir, I never robbed any man; I never + stood by the highwayside, sir, but only said so, because I would get myself + a name, and be counted a tall man. + + SOG. Now out, base viliaco! thou my Resolution! I thy Countenance! By + this light, gentlemen, he hath confest to me the most inexorable company of + robberies, and damn'd himself that he did 'em: you never heard the like. + Out, scoundrel, out! follow me no more, I command thee; out of my sight, + go, hence, speak not; I will not hear thee: away, camouccio! + [EXIT SHIFT. + + MACI. O, how I do feed upon this now, and fat myself! here were a couple + unexpectedly dishumour'd. Well, by this time, I hope, sir Puntarvolo and + his dog are both out of humour to travel. [ASIDE.] -- Nay, gentlemen, why + do you not seek out the knight, and comfort him? our supper at the Mitre + must of necessity hold to-night, if you love your reputations. + + FAST. 'Fore God, I am so melancholy for his dog's disaster -- but I'll go. + + SOG. Faith, and I may go too, but I know I shall be so melancholy. + + MACI. Tush, melancholy! you must forget that now, and remember you lie at + the mercy of a fury: Carlo will rack your sinews asunder, and rail you to + dust, if you come not. + [EXEUNT. + + MIT. O, then their fear of Carlo, belike, makes them hold their meeting. + + COR. Ay, here he comes; conceive him but to be enter'd the Mitre, and 'tis + enough. + + + SCENE IV. -- A ROOM AT THE MITRE. + + ENTER CARLO. + CAR. Holla! where be these shot-sharks? + + ENTER DRAWER. + + DRAW. By and by; you are welcome, good master Buffone. + + CAR. Where's George? call me George hither, quickly. + + DRAW. What wine please you have, sir? I'll draw you that's neat, master + Buffone. + + CAR. Away, neophite, do as I bid thee, bring my dear George to me: -- + ENTER GEORGE. + Mass, here he comes. + + GEORGE. Welcome, master Carlo. + + CAR. What, is supper ready, George? + + GEORGE. Ay, sir, almost: Will you have the cloth laid, master Carlo? + + CAR. O, what else? Are none of the gallants come yet? + + GEORGE. None yet, sir. + + CAR. Stay, take me with you, George; let me have a good fat loin of pork + laid to the fire, presently. + + GEORGE. It shall, sir. + + CAR. And withal, hear you, draw me the biggest shaft you have out of the + butt you wot of; away, you know my meaning, George; quick! + + GEORGE. Done, sir. + [EXIT. + + CAR. I never hungered so much for anything in my life, as I do to know our + gallants' success at court; now is that lean, bald-rib Macilente, that salt + villain, plotting some mischievous device, and lies a soaking in their + frothy humours like a dry crust, till he has drunk 'em all up: Could the + pummice but hold up his eyes at other men's happiness, in any reasonable + proportion, 'slid, the slave were to be loved next heaven, above honour, + wealth, rich fare, apparel, wenches, all the delights of the belly and the + groin, whatever. + + RE-ENTER GEORGE WITH TWO JUGS OF WINE. + GEORGE. Here, master Carlo. + + CAR. Is it right, boy? + + GEORGE. Ay, sir, I assure you 'tis right. + + CAR. Well said, my dear George, depart: [EXIT GEORGE.] -- Come, my small + gimblet, you in the false scabbard, away, so! [PUTS FORTH THE DRAWER, AND + SHUTS THE DOOR.] Now to you, sir Burgomaster, let's taste of your bounty. + + MIT. What, will he deal upon such quantities of wine, alone? + + COR. You will perceive that, sir. + + CAR. [DRINKS.] Ay, marry, sir, here's purity; O, George -- I could bite + off his nose for this now, sweet rogue, he has drawn nectar, the very soul + of the grape! I'll wash my temples with some on't presently, and drink + some half a score draughts; 'twill heat the brain, kindle my imagination, I + shall talk nothing but crackers and fire-works to-night. So, sir! please + you to be here, sir, and I here: so. + [SETS THE TWO CUPS ASUNDER, DRINKS WITH THE ONE, AND PLEDGES WITH THE + OTHER, SPEAKING FOR EACH OF THE CUPS, AND DRINKING ALTERNATELY. + + COR. This is worth the observation, signior. + + CAR. 1 CUP. Now, sir, here's to you; and I present you with so much of my + love. + + 2 CUP. I take it kindly from you, sir. [DRINKS], and will return you the + like proportion; but withal, sir, remembering the merry night we had at the + countess's, you know where, sir. + + 1 CUP. By heaven, you put me in mind now of a very necessary office, which + I will propose in your pledge, sir; the health of that honourable countess, + and the sweet lady that sat by her, sir. + + 2 CUP. I do vail to it with reverence [DRINKS]. And now, signior, with + these ladies, I'll be bold to mix the health of your divine mistress. + + 1 CUP. Do you know her, sir? + + 2 CUP. O lord, sir, ay; and in the respectful memory and mention of her, I + could wish this wine were the most precious drug in the world. + + 1 CUP. Good faith, sir, you do honour me in't exceedingly. [DRINKS.] + + MIT. Whom should he personate in this, signior? + + COR. Faith, I know not, sir; observe, observe him. + + 2 CUP. If it were the basest filth, or mud that runs in the channel, I am + bound to pledge it respectively, sir. [DRINKS.] And now, sir, here is a + replenish'd bowl, which I will reciprocally turn upon you, to the health of + the count Frugale. + + 1 CUP. The count Frugale's health, sir? I'll pledge it on my knees, by + this light. + [KNEELS. + + 2 CUP. Nay, do me right, sir. + + 1 CUP. So I do, in faith. + + 2 CUP. Good faith you do not; mine was fuller. + + 1 CUP. Why, believe me, it was not. + + 2 CUP. Believe me it was; and you do lie. + + 1 CUP. Lie, sir! + + 2 CUP. Ay, sir. + + 1 CUP. 'Swounds! you rascal! + + 2 CUP. O, come, stab if you have a mind to it. + + 1 CUP. Stab! dost thou think I dare not? + + CAR. [SPEAKS IN HIS OWN PERSON.] Nay, I beseech you, gentlemen, what + means this? nay, look, for shame respect your reputations. + [OVERTURNS WINE, POT, CUPS, AND ALL. + + ENTER MACILENTE. + MACI. Why, how now, Carlo! what humour's this? + + CAR. O, my good mischief! art thou come? where are the rest, where are + the rest? + + MACI. Faith, three of our ordnance are burst. + + CAR. Burst! how comes that? + + MACI. Faith, overcharged, overcharged. + + CAR. But did not the train hold? + + MACI. O, yes, and the poor lady is irrecoverably blown up. + + CAR. Why, but which of the munition is miscarried, ha? + + MACI. Imprimis, sir Puntarvolo; next, the Countenance and Resolution. + + CAR. How, how, for the love of wit? + + MACI. Troth, the Resolution is proved recreant; the Countenance hath + changed his copy; and the passionate knight is shedding funeral tears over + his departed dog. + + CAR. What! is his dog dead? + + MACI. Poison'd, 'tis thought; marry, how, or by whom, that's left for some + cunning woman here o' the Bank-side to resolve. For my part, I know + nothing more than that we are like to have an exceeding melancholy supper + of it. + + CAR. 'Slife, and I had purposed to be extraordinarily merry, I had drunk + off a good preparative of old sack here; but will they come, will they come? + + MACI. They will assuredly come; marry, Carlo, as thou lov'st me, run over + 'em all freely to-night, and especially the knight; spare no sulphurous + jest that may come out of that sweaty forge of thine; but ply them with all + manner of shot, minion, saker, culverin, or anything, what thou wilt. + + CAR. I warrant thee, my dear case of petrionels; so I stand not in dread + of thee, but that thou'lt second me. + + MACI. Why, my good German tapster, I will. + + CAR. What George! Lomtero, Lomtero, etc. + [SINGS AND DANCES. + + RE-ENTER GEORGE. + GEORGE. Did you call, master Carlo? + + CAR. More nectar, George: Lomtero, etc. + + GEORGE. Your meat's ready, sir, an your company were come. + + CAR. Is the loin pork enough? + + GEORGE. Ay, sir, it is enough. + [EXIT. + + MACI. Pork! heart, what dost thou with such a greasy dish? I think thou + dost varnish thy face with the fat on't, it looks so like a glue-pot. + + CAR. True, my raw-boned rogue, and if thou wouldst farce thy lean ribs + with it too, they would not, like ragged laths, rub out so many doublets as + they do; but thou know'st not a good dish, thou. O, it's the only + nourishing meat in the world. No marvel though that saucy, stubborn + generation, the Jews, were forbidden it; for what would they have done, + well pamper'd with fat pork, that durst murmur at their Maker out of + garlick and onions? 'Slight! fed with it, the whoreson strummel-patch'd, + goggle-eyed grumble-dories, would have gigantomachised -- + RE-ENTER GEORGE WITH WINE. + Well said, my sweet George, fill, fill. + + MIT. This savours too much of profanation. + + COR. O -- -- Servetur ad imum, + Qualis ab incoepto processerit, et sibi constet. + "The necessity of his vein compels a toleration, for; bar this, and dash + him out of humour before his time." + + CAR. "'Tis an axiom in natural philosophy, what comes nearest the nature + of that it feeds, converts quicker to nourishment, and doth sooner + essentiate." Now nothing in flesh and entrails assimilates or resembles + man more than a hog or swine. + [DRINKS. + + MACI. True; and he, to requite their courtesy, oftentimes doffeth his own + nature, and puts on theirs; as when he becomes as churlish as a hog, or as + drunk as a sow; but to your conclusion. + [DRINKS. + + CAR. Marry, I say, nothing resembling man more than a swine, it follows, + nothing can be more nourishing; for indeed (but that it abhors from our + nice nature) if we fed upon one another, we should shoot up a great deal + faster, and thrive much better; I refer me to your usurous cannibals, or + such like; but since it is so contrary, pork, pork, is your only feed. + + MACI. I take it, your devil be of the same diet; he would never have + desired to have been incorporated into swine else. -- O, here comes the + melancholy mess; upon 'em, Carlo, charge, charge! + + ENTER PUNTARVOLO, FASTIDIOUS BRISK, SOGLIARDO, AND FUNGOSO. + CAR. 'Fore God, sir Puntarvolo, I am sorry for your heaviness: body o' + me, a shrew'd mischance! why, had you no unicorn's horn, nor bezoar's + stone about you, ha? + + PUNT. Sir, I would request you be silent. + + MACI. Nay, to him again. + + CAR. Take comfort, good knight, if your cat have recovered her catarrh, + fear nothing; your dog's mischance may be holpen. + + FAST. Say how, sweet Carlo; for, so God mend me, the poor knight's moans + draw me into fellowship of his misfortunes. But be not discouraged, good + sir Puntarvolo, I am content your adventure shall be performed upon your + cat. + + MACI. I believe you, musk-cod, I believe you; for rather than thou + would'st make present repayment, thou would'st take it upon his own bare + return from Calais + [ASIDE. + + CAR. Nay, 'slife, he'd be content, so he were well rid out of his company, + to pay him five for one, at his next meeting him in Paul's. [ASIDE TO + MACILENTE.] -- But for your dog, sir Puntarvolo, if he be not out-right + dead, there is a friend of mine, a quack-salver, shall put life in him + again, that's certain. + + FUNG. O, no, that comes too late. + + MACI. 'Sprecious! knight, will you suffer this? + + PUNT. Drawer, get me a candle and hard wax presently. + [EXIT GEORGE. + + SOG. Ay, and bring up supper; for I am so melancholy. + + CAR. O, signior, where's your Resolution? + + SOG. Resolution! hang him, rascal: O, Carlo, if you love me, do not + mention him. + + CAR. Why, how so? + + SOG. O, the arrantest crocodile that ever Christian was acquainted with. + By my gentry, I shall think the worse of tobacco while I live, for his + sake: I did think him to be as tall a man -- + + MACI. Nay, Buffone, the knight, the knight + [ASIDE TO CARLO. + + CAR. 'Slud, he looks like an image carved out of box, full of knots; his + face is, for all the world, like a Dutch purse, with the mouth downward, + his beard the tassels; and he walks -- let me see -- as melancholy as one + o' the master's side in the Counter. -- Do you hear, sir Puntarvolo? + + PUNT. Sir, I do entreat you, no more, but enjoin you to silence, as you + affect your peace. + + CAR. Nay, but dear knight, understand here are none but friends, and such + as wish you well, I would have you do this now; flay me your dog presently + (but in any case keep the head) and stuff his skin well with straw, as you + see these dead monsters at Bartholomew fair. + + PUNT. I shall be sudden, I tell you. + + CAR. O, if you like not that, sir, get me somewhat a less dog, and clap + into the skin; here's a slave about the town here, a Jew, one Yohan: or a + fellow that makes perukes will glue it on artificially, it shall never be + discern'd; besides, 'twill be so much the warmer for the hound to travel + in, you know. + + MACI. Sir Puntarvolo, death, can you be so patient! + + CAR. Or thus, sir; you may have, as you come through Germany, a familiar + for little or nothing, shall turn itself into the shape of your dog, or any + thing, what you will, for certain hours -- [PUNTARVOLO STRIKES HIM] -- Ods + my life, knight, what do you mean? you'll offer no violence, will you? + hold, hold! + + RE-ENTER GEORGE, WITH WAX, AND A LIGHTED CANDLE. + PUNT. 'Sdeath, you slave, you ban-dog, you! + + CAR. As you love wit, stay the enraged knight, gentlemen. + + PUNT. By my knighthood, he that stirs in his rescue, dies. -- Drawer, begone! + [EXIT GEORGE. + + CAR. Murder, murder, murder! + + PUNT. Ay, are you howling, you wolf? -- Gentlemen, as you tender your + lives, suffer no man to enter till my revenge be perfect. Sirrah, Buffone, + lie down; make no exclamations, but down; down, you cur, or I will make thy + blood flow on my rapier hilts. + + CAR. Sweet knight, hold in thy fury, and 'fore heaven I'll honour thee + more than the Turk does Mahomet. + + PUNT. Down, I say! [CARLO LIES DOWN.] -- Who's there? + [KNOCKING WITHIN. + + CONS. [WITHIN.] Here's the constable, open the doors. + + CAR. Good Macilente -- + + PUNT. Open no door; if the Adalantado of Spain were here he should not + enter: one help me with the light, gentlemen; you knock in vain, sir + officer. + + CAR. 'Et tu, Brute!' + + PUNT. Sirrah, close your lips, or I will drop it in thine eyes, by heaven. + + CAR. O! O! + + CONS. [WITHIN] Open the door, or I will break it open. + + MACI. Nay, good constable, have patience a little; you shall come in + presently; we have almost done. + [PUNTARVOLO SEALS UP CARLO'S LIPS. + + PUNT. So, now, are you Out of your Humour, sir? Shift, gentlemen + [THEY ALL DRAW, AND RUN OUT, EXCEPT FUNGOSO, WHO CONCEALS HIMSELF BENEATH + THE TABLE. + + ENTER CONSTABLE AND OFFICERS, AND SEIZE FASTIDIOUS AS HE IS RUSHING BY. + CONS. Lay hold upon this gallant, and pursue the rest. + + FAST. Lay hold on me, sir, for what? + + CONS. Marry, for your riot here, sir, with the rest of your companions. + + FAST. My riot! master constable, take heed what you do. Carlo, did I + offer any violence? + + CONS. O, sir, you see he is not in case to answer you, and that makes you + so peremptory. + + RE-ENTER GEORGE AND DRAWER. + FAST. Peremptory! 'Slife, I appeal to the drawers, if I did him any hard + measure. + + GEORGE. They are all gone, there's none of them will be laid any hold on. + + CONS. Well, sir, you are like to answer till the rest can be found out. + + FAST. 'Slid, I appeal to George here. + + CONS. Tut, George was not here: away with him to the Counter, sirs. -- + Come, sir, you were best get yourself drest somewhere. + [EXEUNT CONST. AND OFFICERS, WITH FAST. AND CAR. + + GEORGE. Good lord, that master Carlo could not take heed, and knowing what + a gentleman the knight is, if he be angry. + + DRAWER. A pox on 'em, they have left all the meat on our hands; would they + were choaked with it for me! + + RE-ENTER MACILENTE. + MACI. What, are they gone, sirs? + + GEORGE. O, here's master Macilente. + + MACI. [POINTING TO FUNGOSO.] Sirrah, George, do you see that concealment + there, that napkin under the table? + + GEORGE. 'Ods so, signior Fungoso! + + MACI. He's good pawn for the reckoning; be sure you keep him here, and let + him not go away till I come again, though he offer to discharge all; I'll + return presently. + + GEORGE. Sirrah, we have a pawn for the reckoning. + + DRAW. What, of Macilente? + + GEORGE. No; look under the table. + + FUNG. [CREEPING OUT.] I hope all be quiet now; if I can get but forth of + this street, I care not: masters, I pray you tell me, is the constable + gone? + + GEORGE. What, master Fungoso! + + FUNG. Was't not a good device this same of me, sirs? + + GEORGE. Yes, faith; have you been here all this while? + + FUNG. O lord, ay; good sir, look an the coast be clear, I'd fain be going. + + GEORGE. All's clear, sir, but the reckoning; and that you must clear and + pay before you go, I assure you. + + FUNG. I pay! 'Slight, I eat not a bit since I came into the house, yet. + + DRAW. Why, you may when you please, 'tis all ready below that was bespoken. + + FUNG. Bespoken! not by me, I hope? + + GEORGE. By you, sir! I know not that; but 'twas for you and your company, + I am sure. + + FUNG. My company! 'Slid, I was an invited guest, so I was. + + DRAW. Faith we have nothing to do with that, sir: they are all gone but + you, and we must be answered; that's the short and the long on't. + + FUNG. Nay, if you will grow to extremities, my masters, then would this + pot, cup, and all were in my belly, if I have a cross about me. + + GEORGE. What, and have such apparel! do not say so, signior; that + mightily discredits your clothes. + + FUNG. As I am an honest man, my tailor had all my money this morning, and + yet I must be fain to alter my suit too. Good sirs, let me go, 'tis Friday + night, and in good truth I have no stomach in the world to eat any thing. + + DRAW. That's no matter, so you pay, sir. + + FUNG. 'Slight, with what conscience can you ask me to pay that I never + drank for? + + GEORGE. Yes, sir, I did see you drink once. + + FUNG. By this cup, which is silver, but you did not; you do me infinite + wrong: I looked in the pot once, indeed, but I did not drink. + + DRAW. Well, sir, if you can satisfy our master, it shall be all one to us. + + WITHIN. George! + + GEORGE. By and by. + [EXEUNT. + + COR. Lose not yourself now, signior + + + SCENE V. -- A ROOM IN DELIRO'S HOUSE. + + ENTER MACILENTE AND DELIRO. + + MACI. Tut, sir, you did bear too hard a conceit of me in that; but I will + not make my love to you most transparent, in spite of any dust of suspicion + that may be raised to cloud it; and henceforth, since I see it is so + against your humour, I will never labour to persuade you. + + DELI. Why, I thank you, signior; but what is that you tell me may concern + my peace so much? + + MACI. Faith, sir, 'tist hus. Your wife's brother, signior Fungoso, being + at supper to-night at a tavern, with a sort of gallants, there happened + some division amongst them, and he is left in pawn for the reckoning. Now, + if ever you look that time shall present you with an happy occasion to do + your wife some gracious and acceptable service, take hold of this + opportunity, and presently go and redeem him; for, being her brother, and + his credit so amply engaged as now it is, when she shall hear, (as he + cannot himself, but he must out of extremity report it,) that you came, and + offered y ourself so kindly, and with that respect of his reputation; why, the + benefit cannot but make her dote, and grow mad of your affections. + + DELI. Now, by heaven, Macilente, I acknowledge myself exceedingly indebted + to you, by this kind tender of your love; and I am sorry to remember that I + was ever so rude, to neglect a friend of your importance. -- Bring me shoes + and a cloak here. -- I was going to bed, if you had not come. What tavern + is it? + + MACI. The Mitre, sir. + + DELI. O! Why, Fido! my shoes. -- Good faith, it cannot but please her + exceedingly. + + ENTER FALLACE. + FAL. Come, I marle what piece of night-work you have in hand now, that you + call for a cloak, and your shoes: What, is this your pander? + + DELI. O, sweet wife, speak lower, I would not he should hear thee for a + world -- + + FAL. Hang him, rascal, I cannot abide him for his treachery, with his wild + quick-set beard there. Whither go you now with him? + + DELI. No, whither with him, dear wife; I go alone to a place, from whence + I will return instantly. -- Good Macilente, acquaint not her with it by any + means, it may come so much the more accepted; frame some other answer. -- + I'll come back immediately. + [EXIT. + + FAL. Nay, an I be not worthy to know whither you go, stay till I take + knowledge of your coming back. + + MACI. Hear you, mistress Deliro. + + FAL. So, sir, and what say you? + + MACI. Faith, lady, my intents will not deserve this slight respect, when + you shall know them. + + FAL. Your intents! why, what may your intents be, for God's sake? + + MACI. Troth, the time allows no circumstance, lady, therefore know this + was but a device to remove your husband hence, and bestow him securely, + whilst, with more conveniency, I might report to you a misfortune that hath + happened to monsieur Brisk -- Nay, comfort, sweet lady. This night, being + at supper, a sort of young gallants committed a riot, for the which he only + is apprehended and carried to the Counter, where, if your husband, and + other creditors, should but have knowledge of him, the poor gentleman were + undone for ever. + + FAL. Ah me! that he were. + + MACI. Now, therefore, if you can think upon any present means for his + delivery, do not foreslow it. A bribe to the officer that committed him + will do it. + + FAL. O lord, sir! he shall not want for a bribe; pray you, will you + commend me to him, and say I'll visit him presently. + + MACI. No, lady, I shall do you better service, in protracting your + husband's return, that you may go with more safety. + + FAL. Good truth, so you may; farewell, good sir. [EXIT MACI.] -- Lord, + how a woman may be mistaken in a man! I would have sworn upon all the + Testaments in the world he had not loved master Brisk. Bring me my keys + there, maid. Alas, good gentleman, if all I have in this earthly world + will pleasure him, it shall be at his service. + [EXIT. + + MIT. How Macilente sweats in this business, if you mark him! + + COR. Ay, you shall see the true picture of spite, anon: here comes the + pawn and his redeemer. + + + SCENE VI. -- A ROOM AT THE MITRE. + + ENTER DELIRO, FUNGOSO, AND GEORGE. + + DELI. Come, brother, be not discouraged for this, man; what! + + FUNG. No, truly, I am not discouraged; but I protest to you, brother, I + have done imitating any more gallants either in purse or apparel, but as + shall become a gentleman, for good carriage, or so. + + DELI. You say well. -- This is all in the bill here, is it not? + + GEORGE. Ay, sir. + + DELI. There's your money, tell it: and, brother, I am glad I met with so + good occasion to shew my love to you. + + FUNG. I will study to deserve it in good truth an I live. + + DELI. What, is it right? + + GEORGE. Ay, sir, and I thank you. + + FUNG. Let me have a capon's leg saved, now the reckoning is paid. + + GEORGE. You shall, sir + [EXIT. + + ENTER MACILENTE. + MACI. Where's signior Deliro? + + DELI. Here, Macilente. + + MACI. Hark you, sir, have you dispatch'd this same? + + DELI. Ay, marry have I. + + MACI. Well then, I can tell you news; Brisk is in the Counter. + + DELI. In the Counter! + + MACI. 'Tis true, sir, committed for the stir here to-night. Now would I + have you send your brother home afore him, with the report of this your + kindness done him, to his sister, which will so pleasingly possess her, and + out of his mouth too, that in the meantime you may clap your action on + Brisk, and your wife, being in so happy a mood, cannot entertain it ill, by + any means. + + DELI. 'Tis very true, she cannot, indeed, I think. + + MACI. Think! why 'tis past thought; you shall never meet the like + opportunity, I assure you. + + DELI. I will do it. -- Brother, pray you go home afore (this gentleman and + I have some private business), and tell my sweet wife I'll come presently. + + FUNG. I will, brother. + + MACI. And, signior, acquaint your sister, how liberally, and out of his + bounty, your brother has used you (do you see?), made you a man of good + reckoning; redeem'd that you never were possest of, credit; gave you as + gentlemanlike terms as might be; found no fault with your coming behind the + fashion; nor nothing. + + FUNG. Nay, I am out of those humours now. + + MACI. Well, if you be out, keep your distance, and be not made a shot-clog + any more. -- Come, signior, let's make haste. + [EXEUNT. + + + SCENE VII. -- THE COUNTER. + + ENTER FALLACE AND FASTIDIOUS BRISK. + + FAL. O, master Fastidious, what pity is it to see so sweet a man as you + are, in so sour a place! + [KISSES HIM. + + COR. As upon her lips, does she mean? + + MIT. O, this is to be imagined the Counter, belike. + + FAST. Troth, fair lady, 'tis first the pleasure of the fates, and next of + the constable, to have it so: but I am patient, and indeed comforted the + more in your kind visit. + + FAL. Nay, you shall be comforted in me more than this, if you please, sir. + I sent you word by my brother, sir, that my husband laid to 'rest you this + morning; I know now whether you received it or no. + + FAST. No, believe it, sweet creature, your brother gave me no such + intelligence. + + FAL. O, the lord! + + FAST. But has your husband any such purpose? + + FAL. O, sweet master Brisk, yes: and therefore be presently discharged, + for if he come with his actions upon you, Lord deliver you! you are in for + one half-a-score year; he kept a poor man in Ludgate once twelve year for + sixteen shillings. Where's your keeper? for love's sake call him, let him + take a bribe, and despatch you. Lord, how my heart trembles! here are no + spies, are there? + + FAST. No, sweet mistress. Why are you in this passion? + + FAL. O lord, master Fastidious, if you knew how I took up my husband + to-day, when he said he would arrest you; and how I railed at him that + persuaded him to it, the scholar there (who, on my conscience, loves you + now), and what care I took to send you intelligence by my brother; and how + I gave him four sovereigns for his pains: and now, how I came running out + hither without man or boy with me, so soon as I heard on't; you'd say I + were in a passion indeed. Your keeper, for God's sake! O, master Brisk, + as 'tis in 'Euphues', 'Hard is the choice, when one is compelled either by + silence to die with grief, or by speaking to live with shame'. + + FAST. Fair lady, I conceive you, and may this kiss assure you, that where + adversity hath, as it were, contracted, prosperity shall not -- Od's me! + your husband. + + ENTER DELIRO AND MACILENTE. + FAL. O me! + + DELI. Ay! Is it thus? + + MACI. Why, how now, signior Deliro! has the wolf seen you, ha? Hath + Gorgon's head made marble of you? + + DELI. Some planet strike me dead! + + MACI. Why, look you, sir, I told you, you might have suspected this long + afore, had you pleased, and have saved this labour of admiration now, and + passion, and such extremities as this frail lump of flesh is subject unto. + Nay, why do you not doat now, signior? methinks you should say it were + some enchantment, 'deceptio visus', or so, ha! If you could persuade + yourself it were a dream now, 'twere excellent: faith, try what you can + do, signior: it may be your imagination will be brought to it in time; + there's nothing impossible. + + FAL. Sweet husband! + + DELI. Out, lascivious strumpet! + [EXIT. + + MACI. What! did you see how ill that stale vein became him afore, of + 'sweet wife', and 'dear heart'; and are you fallen just into the same now, + with 'sweet husband'! Away, follow him, go, keep state: what! remember + you are a woman, turn impudent; give him not the head, though you give him + the horns. Away. And yet, methinks, you should take your leave of 'enfant + perdu' here, your forlorn hope. [EXIT FAL.] -- How now, monsieur Brisk? + what! Friday night, and in affliction too, and yet your pulpamenta, your + delicate morsels! I perceive the affection of ladies and gentlewomen + pursues you wheresoever you go, monsieur. + + FAST. Now, in good faith, and as I am gentle, there could not have come a + thing in this world to have distracted me more, than the wrinkled fortunes + of this poor dame. + + MACI. O yes, sir; I can tell you a think will distract you much better, + believe it: Signior Deliro has entered three actions against you, three + actions, monsieur! marry, one of them (I'll put you in comfort) is but + three thousand, and the other two, some five thousand pound together: + trifles, trifles. + + FAST. O, I am undone. + + MACI. Nay, not altogether so, sir; the knight must have his hundred pound + repaid, that will help too; and then six score pounds for a diamond, you + know where. These be things will weigh, monsieur, they will weigh. + + FAST. O heaven! + + MACI. What! do you sigh? this is to 'kiss the hand of a countess', to + 'have her coach sent for you', to 'hang poniards in ladies' garters', to + 'wear bracelets of their hair', and for every one of these great favours to + 'give some slight jewel of five hundred crowns, or so'; why, 'tis nothing. + Now, monsieur, you see the plague that treads on the heels o' your foppery: + well, go your ways in, remove yourself to the two-penny ward quickly, to + save charges, and there set up your rest to spend sir Puntarvolo's hundred + pound for him. Away, good pomander, go! + [EXIT FASTIDIOUS. + Why here's a change! now is my soul at peace: + I am as empty of all envy now, + As they of merit to be envied at. + My humour, like a flame, no longer lasts + Than it hath stuff to feed it; and their folly + Being now raked up in their repentant ashes, + Affords no ampler subject to my spleen. + I am so far from malicing their states, + That I begin to pity them. It grieves me + To think they have a being. I could wish + They might turn wise upon it, and be saved now, + So heaven were pleased; but let them vanish, vapours! -- + Gentlemen, how like you it? has't not been tedious? + + COR. Nay, we have done censuring now. + + MIT. Yes, faith. + + MACI. How so? + + COR. Marry, because we'll imitate your actors, and be out of our humours. + Besides, here are those round about you of more ability in censure than we, + whose judgments can give it a more satisfying allowance; we'll refer you to + them. + [EXEUNT CORDATUS AND MITIS. + + MACI. [COMING FORWARD.] Ay, is it even so? -- Well, gentlemen, I should + have gone in, and return'd to you as I was Asper at the first; but by + reason the shift would have been somewhat long, and we are loth to draw + your patience farther, we'll entreat you to imagine it. And now, that you + may see I will be out of humour for company, I stand wholly to your kind + approbation, and indeed am nothing so peremptory as I was in the beginning: + marry, I will not do as Plautus in his 'Amphytrio', for all this, 'summi + Jovis causa plaudite'; beg a plaudite for God's sake; but if you, out of + the bounty of your good-liking, will bestow it, why, you may in time make + lean Macilente as fat as sir John Falstaff. + [EXIT. + + + THE EPILOGUE + + AT THE + PRESENTATION BEFORE QUEEN ELIZABETH + + BY MACILENTE. + + Never till now did object greet mine eyes + With any light content: but in her graces + All my malicious powers have lost their stings. + Envy is fled from my soul at sight of her, + And she hath chased all black thoughts from my bosom, + Like as the sun doth darkness from the world, + My stream of humour is run out of me, + And as our city's torrent, bent t'infect + The hallow'd bowels of the silver Thames, + Is check'd by strength and clearness of the river, + Till it hath spent itself even at the shore; + So in the ample and unmeasured flood + Of her perfections, are my passions drown'd; + And I have now a spirit as sweet and clear + As the more rarefied and subtle air: -- + With which, and with a heart as pure as fire, + Yet humble as the earth, do I implore + [KNEELS. + O heaven, that She, whose presence hath effected + This change in me, may suffer most late change + In her admired and happy government: + May still this Island be call'd Fortunate, + And rugged Treason tremble at the sound, + When Fame shall speak it with an emphasis. + Let foreign polity be dull as lead, + And pale Invasion come with half a heart, + When he but looks upon her blessed soil. + The throat of War be stopt within her land, + And turtle-footed Peace dance fairy rings + About her court; where never may there come + Suspect or danger, but all trust and safety. + Let Flattery be dumb, and Envy blind + In her dread presence; Death himself admire her; + And may her virtues make him to forget + The use of his inevitable hand. + Fly from her, Age; sleep, Time, before her throne; + Our strongest wall falls down, when she is gone. + + + + +GLOSSARY + + ABATE, cast down, subdue + ABHORRING, repugnant (to), at variance + ABJECT, base, degraded thing, outcast + ABRASE, smooth, blank + ABSOLUTE(LY), faultless(ly) + ABSTRACTED, abstract, abstruse + ABUSE, deceive, insult, dishonour, make ill use of + ACATER, caterer + ACATES, cates + ACCEPTIVE, willing, ready to accept, receive + ACCOMMODATE, fit, befitting. (The word was a fashionable one and used on + all occasions. See "Henry IV.," pt. 2, iii.4) + ACCOST, draw near, approach + ACKNOWN, confessedly acquainted with + ACME, full maturity + ADALANTADO, lord deputy or governor of a Spanish province + ADJECTION, addition + ADMIRATION, astonishment + ADMIRE, wonder, wonder at + ADROP, philosopher's stone, or substance from which obtained + ADSCRIVE, subscribe + ADULTERATE, spurious, counterfeit + ADVANCE, life + ADVERTISE, inform, give intelligence + ADVERTISED, "be --," be it known to you + ADVERTISEMENT, intelligence + ADVISE, consider, bethink oneself, deliberate + ADVISED, informed, aware; "are you --?" have you found that out? + AFFECT, love, like; aim at; move + AFFECTED, disposed; beloved + AFFECTIONATE, obstinate; prejudiced + AFFECTS, affections + AFFRONT, "give the --," face + AFFY, have confidence in; betroth + AFTER, after the manner of + AGAIN, AGAINST, in anticipation of + AGGRAVATE, increase, magnify, enlarge upon + AGNOMINATION. See Paranomasie + AIERY, nest, brood + AIM, guess + ALL HID, children's cry at hide-and-seek + ALL-TO, completely, entirely ("all-to-be-laden") + ALLOWANCE, approbation, recognition + ALMA-CANTARAS (astron.), parallels of altitude + ALMAIN, name of a dance + ALMUTEN, planet of chief influence in the horoscope + ALONE, unequalled, without peer + ALUDELS, subliming pots + AMAZED, confused, perplexed + AMBER, AMBRE, ambergris + AMBREE, MARY, a woman noted for her valour at the siege of Ghent, 1458 + AMES-ACE, lowest throw at dice + AMPHIBOLIES, ambiguities + AMUSED, bewildered, amazed + AN, if + ANATOMY, skeleton, or dissected body + ANDIRONS, fire-dogs + ANGEL, gold coin worth 10s., stamped with the figure of the archangel Michael + ANNESH CLEARE, spring known as Agnes le Clare + ANSWER, return hit in fencing + ANTIC, ANTIQUE, clown, buffoon + ANTIC, like a buffoon + ANTIPERISTASIS, an opposition which enhances the quality it opposes + APOZEM, decoction + AFFERIL, peril + APPLE-JOHN, APPLE-SQUIRE, pimp, pander + APPLY, attach + APPREHEND, take into custody + APPREHENSIVE, quick of perception; able to perceive and appreciate + APPROVE, prove, confirm + APT, suit, adapt; train, prepare; dispose, incline + APT(LY), suitable(y), opportune(ly) + APTITUDE, suitableness + ARBOR, "make the --," cut up the game (Gifford) + ARCHES, Court of Arches + ARCHIE, Archibald Armstrong, jester to James I. and Charles I. + ARGAILE, argol, crust or sediment in wine casks + ARGENT-VIVE, quicksilver + ARGUMENT, plot of a drama; theme, subject; matter in question; token, proof + ARRIDE, please + ARSEDINE, mixture of copper and zinc, used as an imitation of gold-leaf + ARTHUR, PRINCE, reference to an archery show by a society who assumed arms, + etc., of Arthur's knights + ARTICLE, item + ARTIFICIALLY, artfully + ASCENSION, evaporation, distillation + ASPIRE, try to reach, obtain, long for + ASSALTO (Ital.), assault + ASSAY, draw a knife along the belly of the deer, a ceremony of the + hunting-field + ASSOIL, solve + ASSURE, secure possession or reversion of + ATHANOR, a digesting furnace, calculated to keep up a constant heat + ATONE, reconcile + ATTACH, attack, seize + AUDACIOUS, having spirit and confidence + AUTHENTIC(AL), of authority, authorised, trustworthy, genuine + AVISEMENT, reflection, consideration + AVOID, begone! get rid of + AWAY WITH, endure + AZOCH, Mercurius Philosophorum + + BABION, baboon + BABY, doll + BACK-SIDE, back premises + BAFFLE, treat with contempt + BAGATINE, Italian coin, worth about the third of a farthing + BALARD, horse of magic powers known to old romance + BALDRICK, belt worn across the breast to support bugle, etc. + BALE (of dice), pair + BALK, overlook, pass by, avoid + BALLACE, ballast + BALLOO, game at ball + BALNEUM (BAIN MARIE), a vessel for holding hot water in which other vessels + are stood for heating + BANBURY, "brother of __," Puritan + BANDOG, dog tied or chained up + BANE, woe, ruin + BANQUET, a light repast; dessert + BARB, to clip gold + BARBEL, fresh-water fish + BARE, meer; bareheaded; it was "a particular mark of state and grandeur for + the coachman to be uncovered" (Gifford) + BARLEY-GREAK, game somewhat similar to base + BASE, game of prisoner's base + BASES, richly embroidered skirt reaching to the knees, or lower + BASILISK, fabulous reptile, believed to slay with its eye + BASKET, used for the broken provision collected for prisoners + BASON, basons, etc., were beaten by the attendant mob when bad characters + were "carted" + BATE, be reduced; abate, reduce + BATOON, baton, stick + BATTEN, feed, grow fat + BAWSON, badger + BEADSMAN, PRAYER-MAN, one engaged to pray for another + BEAGLE, small hound; fig. spy + BEAR IN HAND, keep in suspense, deceive with false hopes + BEARWARD, bear leader + BEDPHERE See Phere + BEDSTAFF, (?) wooden pin in the side of the bedstead for supporting the + bedclothes (Johnson); one of the sticks of "laths"; a stick used in making + a bed + BEETLE, heavy mallet + BEG, "I'd -- him," the custody of minors and idiots was begged for; + likewise property fallen forfeit to the Crown ("your house had been begged") + BELL-MAN, night watchman + BENJAMIN, an aromatic gum + BERLINA, pillory + BESCUMBER, defile + BESLAVE, beslabber + BESOGNO, beggar + BESPAWLE, bespatter + BETHLEHEM GABOR, Transylvanian hero, proclaimed King of Hungary + BEVER, drinking + BEVIS, SIR, knight of romance whose horse was equally celebrated + BEWAY, reveal, make known + BEZANT, heraldic term: small gold circle + BEZOAR'S STONE, a remedy known by this name was a supposed antidote to poison + BID-STAND, highwayman + BIGGIN, cap, similar to that worn by the Beguines; nightcap + BILIVE (belive), with haste + BILE, nothing, empty talk + BILL, kind of pike + BILLET, wood cut for fuel, stick + BIRDING, thieving + BLACK SANCTUS, burlesque hymn, any unholy riot + BLANK, originally a small French coin + BLANK, white + BLANKET, toss in a blanket + BLAZE, outburst of violence + BLAZE, (her.) blazon; publish abroad + BLAZON, armorial bearings; fig. all that pertains to good birth and breeding + BLIN, "withouten --," without ceasing + BLOW, puff up + BLUE, colour of servants' livery, hence "-- order," "-- waiters" + BLUSHET, blushing one + BOB, jest, taunt + BOB, beat, thump + BODGE, measure + BODKIN, dagger, or other short, pointed weapon; long pin with which the + women fastened up their hair + BOLT, roll (of material) + BOLT, dislodge, rout out; sift (boulting-tub) + BOLT'S-HEAD, long, straight-necked vessel for distillation. + BOMBARD SLOPS, padded, puffed-out breeches + BONA ROBA, "good, wholesome, plum-cheeked wench" (Johnson) -- not always + used in compliment + BONNY-CLABBER, sour butter-milk + BOOKHOLDER, prompter + BOOT, "to --," into the bargain; "no --," of no avail + BORACHIO, bottle made of skin + BORDELLO, brothel + BORNE IT, conducted, carried it through + BOTTLE (of han), bundle, truss + BOTTOM, skein or ball of thread; vessel + BOURD, jest + BOVOLI, snails or cockles dressed in the Italian manner (Gifford) + BOW-POT, flower vase or pot + BOYE, "terrible --," "angry --," roystering young bucks. (See Nares) + BRABBLES (BRABBLESH), brawls + BRACH, bitch + BRADAMANTE, a heroine in 'Orlando Furioso' + BRADLEY, ARTHUR OF, a lively character commemorated in ballads + BRAKE, frame for confining a norse's feet while being shod, or strong curb + or bridle; trap + BRANCHED, with "detached sleeve ornaments, projecting from the shoulders of + the gown" (Gifford) + BRANDISH, flourish of weapon + BRASH, brace + BRAVE, bravado, braggart speech + BRAVE (adv.), gaily, finely (apparelled) + BRAVERIES, gallants + BRAVERY, extravagant gaiety of apparel + BRAVO, bravado, swaggerer + BRAZEN-HEAD, speaking head made by Roger Bacon + BREATHE, pause for relaxation; exercise + BREATH UPON, speak dispraisingly of + BREND, burn + BRIDE-ALE, wedding feast + BRIEF, abstract; (mus.) breve + BRISK, smartly dressed + BRIZE, breese, gadfly + BROAD-SEAL, state seal + BROCK, badger (term of contempt) + BROKE, transact business as a broker + BROOK, endure, put up with + BROUGHTON, HUGH, an English divine and Hebrew scholar + BRUIT, rumour + BUCK, wash + BUCKLE, bend + BUFF, leather made of buffalo skin, used for military and serjeants' coats, + etc. + BUFO, black tincture + BUGLE, long-shaped bead + BULLED, (?) boiled, swelled + BULLIONS, trunk hose + BULLY, term of familiar endearment + BUNGY, Friar Bungay, who had a familiar in the shape of a dog + BURDEN, refrain, chorus + BURGONET, closely-fitting helmet with visor + BURGULLION, braggadocio + BURN, mark wooden measures (" --ing of cans") + BURROUGH, pledge, security + BUSKIN, half-boot, foot gear reaching high up the leg + BUTT-SHAFT, barbless arrow for shooting at butts + BUTTER, NATHANIEL. ("Staple of News"), a compiler of general news. (See + Cunningham) + BUTTERY-HATCH, half-door shutting off the buttery, where provisions and + liquors were stored + BUY, "he bought me," formerly the guardianship of wards could be bought + BUZ, exclamation to enjoin silence + BUZZARD, simpleton + BY AND BY, at once + BY(E), "on the __," incidentally, as of minor or secondary importance; at + the side + BY-CHOP, by-blow, bastard + + CADUCEUS, Mercury's wand + CALIVER, light kind of musket + CALLET, woman of ill repute + CALLOT, coif worn on the wigs of our judges or serjeants-at-law (Gifford) + CALVERED, crimped, or sliced and pickled. (See Nares) + CAMOUCCIO, wretch, knave + CAMUSED, flat + CAN, knows + CANDLE-RENT, rent from house property + CANDLE-WASTER, one who studies late + CANTER, sturdy beggar + CAP OF MAINTENCE, an insignia of dignity, a cap of state borne before kings + at their coronation; also an heraldic term + CAPABLE, able to comprehend, fit to receive instruction, impression + CAPANEUS, one of the "Seven against Thebes" + CARACT, carat, unit of weight for precious stones, etc.; value, worth + CARANZA, Spanish author of a book on duelling + CARCANET, jewelled ornament for the neck + CARE, take care; object + CAROSH, coach, carriage + CARPET, table-cover + CARRIAGE, bearing, behaviour + CARWHITCHET, quip, pun + CASAMATE, casemate, fortress + CASE, a pair + CASE, "in --," in condition + CASSOCK, soldier's loose overcoat + CAST, flight of hawks, couple + CAST, throw dice; vomit; forecast, calculate + CAST, cashiered + CASTING-GLASS, bottle for sprinkling perfume + CASTRIL, kestrel, falcon + CAT, structure used in sieges + CATAMITE, old form of "ganymede" + CATASTROPHE, conclusion + CATCHPOLE, sheriff's officer + CATES, dainties, provisions + CATSO, rogue, cheat + CAUTELOUS, crafty, artful + CENSURE, criticism; sentence + CENSURE, criticise; pass sentence, doom + CERUSE, cosmetic containing white lead + CESS, assess + CHANGE, "hunt --," follow a fresh scent + CHAPMAN, retail dealer + CHARACTER, handwriting + CHARGE, expense + CHARM, subdue with magic, lay a spell on, silence + CHARMING, exercising magic power + CHARTEL, challenge + CHEAP, bargain, market + CHEAR, CHEER, comfort, encouragement; food, entertainment + CHECK AT, aim reproof at + CHEQUIN, gold Italian coin + CHEVEIL, from kidskin, which is elastic and pliable + CHIAUS, Turkish envoy; used for a cheat, swindler + CHILDERMASS DAY, Innocents' Day + CHOKE-BAIL, action which does not allow of bail + CHRYSOPOEIA, alchemy + CHRYSOSPERM, ways of producing gold + CIBATION, adding fresh substances to supply the waste of evaporation + CIMICI, bugs + CINOPER, cinnabar + CIOPPINI, chopine, lady's high shoe + CIRCLING BOY, "a species of roarer; one who in some way drew a man into a + snare, to cheat or rob him" (Nares) + CIRCUMSTANCE, circumlocution, beating about the bush; ceremony, everything + pertaining to a certain condition; detail, particular + CITRONISE, turn citron colour + CITTERN, kind of guitar + CITY-WIRES, woman of fashion, who made use of wires for hair and dress + CIVIL, legal + CLAP, clack, chatter + CLAPPER-DUDGEON, downright beggar + CLAPS HIS DISH, a clap, or clack, dish (dish with a movable lid) was + carried by beggars and lepers to show that the vessel was empty, and to + give sound of their approach + CLARIDIANA, heroine of an old romance + CLARISSIMO, Venetian noble + CLEM, starve + CLICKET, latch + CLIM O' THE CLOUGHS, etc., wordy heroes of romance + CLIMATE, country + CLOSE, secret, private; secretive + CLOSENESS, secrecy + CLOTH, arras, hangings + CLOUT, mark shot at, bull's eye + CLOWN, countryman, clodhopper + COACH-LEAVES, folding blinds + COALS, "bear no --," submit to no affront + COAT-ARMOUR, coat of arms + COAT-CARD, court-card + COB-HERRING, HERRING-COB, a young herring + COB-SWAN, male swan + COCK-A-HOOP, denoting unstinted jollity; thought to be derived from turning + on the tap that all might drink to the full of the flowing liquor + COCKATRICE, reptile supposed to be produced from a cock's egg and to kill + by its eye -- used as a term of reproach for a woman + COCK-BRAINED, giddy, wild + COCKER, pamper + COCKSCOMB, fool's cap + COCKSTONE, stone said to be found in a cock's gizzard, and to possess + particular virtues + CODLING, softening by boiling + COFFIN, raised crust of a pie + COG, cheat, wheedle + COIL, turmoil, confusion, ado + COKELY, master of a puppet-show (Whalley) + COKES, fool, gull + COLD-CONCEITED, having cold opinion of, coldly affected towards + COLE-HARBOUR, a retreat for people of all sorts + COLLECTION, composure; deduction + COLLOP, small slice, piece of flesh + COLLY, blacken + COLOUR, pretext + COLOURS, "fear no --," no enemy (quibble) + COLSTAFF, cowlstaff, pole for carrying a cowl=tub + COME ABOUT, charge, turn round + COMFORTABLE BREAD, spiced gingerbread + COMING, forward, ready to respond, complaisant + COMMENT, commentary; "sometime it is taken for a lie or fayned tale" + (Bullokar, 1616) + + COMMODITY, "current for --," allusion to practice of money-lenders, who + forced the borrower to take part of the loan in the shape of worthless + goods on which the latter had to make money if he could + COMMUNICATE, share + COMPASS, "in --," within the range, sphere + COMPLEMENT, completion, completement; anything required for the perfecting + or carrying out of a person or affair; accomplishment + COMPLEXION, natural disposition, constitution + COMPLIMENT, See Complement + COMPLIMENTARIES, masters of accomplishments + COMPOSITION, constitution; agreement, contract + COMPOSURE, composition + COMPTER, COUNTER, debtors' prison + CONCEALMENT, a certain amount of church property had been retained at the + dissolution of the monasteries; Elizabeth sent commissioners to search it + out, and the courtiers begged for it + CONCEIT, idea, fancy, witty invention, conception, opinion + CONCEIT, apprehend + CONCEITED, fancifully, ingeniously devised or conceived; possessed of + intelligence, witty, ingenious (hence well conceited, etc.); disposed to + joke; of opinion, possessed of an idea + CONCEIVE, understand + CONCENT, harmony, agreement + CONCLUDE, infer, prove + CONCOCT, assimilate, digest + CONDEN'T, probably conducted + CONDUCT, escort, conductor + CONEY-CATCH, cheat + CONFECT, sweetmeat + CONFER, compare + CONGIES, bows + CONNIVE, give a look, wink, of secret intelligence + CONSORT, company, concert + CONSTANCY, fidelity, ardour, persistence + CONSTANT, confirmed, persistent, faithful + CONSTANTLY, firmly, persistently + CONTEND, strive + CONTINENT, holding together + CONTROL (the point), bear or beat down + CONVENT, assembly, meeting + CONVERT, turn (oneself) + CONVEY, transmit from one to another + CONVINCE, evince, prove; overcome, overpower; convict + COP, head, top; tuft on head of birds; "a cop" may have reference to one or + other meaning; Gifford and others interpret as "conical, terminating in a + point" + COPE-MAN, chapman + COPESMATE, companion + CORV (Lat. Copia), abundance, copiousness + CORN ("powder - "), grain + COROLLARY, finishing part or touch + CORSIVE, corrosive + CORTINE, curtain, (arch.) wall between two towers, etc. + CORYAT, famous for his travels, published as 'Coryat's Crudities' + COSSET, pet lamb, pet + COSTARD, head + COSTARD-MONGER, apple-seller, coster-monger + COSTS, ribs + COTE, hut + COTHURNAL, from "cothurnus," a particular boot worn by actors in Greek tragedy + COTQUEAN, hussy + COUNSEL, secret + COUNTENANCE, means necessary for support; credit, standing + COUNTER. See Compter + COUNTER, pieces of metal or ivory for calculating at play + COUNTER, "hunt --," follow scent in reverse direction + COUNTERFEIT, false coin + COUNTERPANE, one part or counterpart of a deed or indenture + COUNTERPOINT, opposite, contrary point + COURT-DISH, a kind of drinking-cup (Halliwell); N.E.D. quotes from Bp. + Goodman's 'Court of James I.: "The king...caused his carver to cut him out + a court-dish, that is, something of every dish, which he sent him as part + of his reversion," but this does not sound like short allowance or small + receptacle + COURT-DOR, fool + COURTEAU, curtal, small horse with docked tail + COURTSHIP, courtliness + COVETISE, avarice + COWSHARD, cow dung + COXCOMB, fool's cap, fool + COY, shrink; disdain + COYSTREL, low varlet + COZEN, cheat + CRACK, lively young rogue, wag + CRACK, crack up, boast; come to grief + CRAMBE, game of crambo, in which the players find rhymes for a given word + CRANCH, craunch + CRANTON, spider-like; also fairy appellation for a fly (Gifford, who refers + to lines in Drayton's "Nimphidia") + CRIMP, game at cards + CRINCLE, draw back, turn aside + CRISPED, with curled or waved hair + CROP, gather, reap + CROPSHIRE, a kind of herring. (See N.E.D.) + CROSS, any piece of money, many coins being stamped with a cross + CROSS AND FILE, heads and tails + CROSSLET, crucible + CROWD, fiddle + CRUDITIES, undigested matter + CRUMP, curl up + CRUSADO, Portuguese gold coin, marked with a cross + CRY ("he that cried Italian):, "speak in a musical cadence," intone, or + declaim(?); cry up + CUCKING-STOOL, used for the ducking of scolds, etc. + CUCURBITE, a gourd-shaped vessel used for distillation + CUERPO, "in --," in undress + CULLICE, broth + CULLION, base fellow, coward + CULLISEN, badge worn on their arm by servants + CULVERIN, kind of cannon + CUNNING, skill + CUNNING, skilful + CUNNING-MAN, fortune-teller + CURE, care for + CURIOUS(LY), scrupulous, particular; elaborate, elegant(ly), dainty(ly) + (hence "in curious") + CURST, shrewish, mischievous + CURTAL, dog with docked tail, of inferior sort + CUSTARD, "quaking --," " -- politic," reference to a large custard which + formed part of a city feast and afforded huge entertainment, for the fool + jumped into it, and other like tricks were played. (See "All's Well, etc." + ii. 5, 40) + CUTWORK, embroidery, open-work + CYPRES (CYPRUS) (quibble), cypress (or cyprus) being a transparent + material, and when black used for mourning + + DAGGER (" -- frumety"), name of tavern + DARGISON, apparently some person known in ballad or tale + DAUPHIN MY BOY, refrain of old comic song + DAW, daunt + DEAD LIFT, desperate emergency + DEAR, applied to that which in any way touches us nearly + DECLINE, turn off from; turn away, aside + DEFALK, deduct, abate + DEFEND, forbid + DEGENEROUS, degenerate + DEGREES, steps + DELATE, accuse + DEMI-CULVERIN, cannon carrying a ball of about ten pounds + DENIER, the smallest possible coin, being the twelfth part of a sou + DEPART, part with + DEPENDANCE, ground of quarrel in duello language + DESERT, reward + DESIGNMENT, design + DESPERATE, rash, reckless + DETECT, allow to be detected, betray, inform against + DETERMINE, terminate + DETRACT, draw back, refuse + DEVICE, masque, show; a thing moved by wires, etc., puppet + DEVISE, exact in every particular + DEVISED, invented + DIAPASM, powdered aromatic herbs, made into balls of perfumed paste. (See + Pomander) + DIBBLE, (?) moustache (N.E.D.); (?) dagger (Cunningham) + DIFFUSED, disordered, scattered, irregular + DIGHT, dressed + DILDO, refrain of popular songs; vague term of low meaning + DIMBLE, dingle, ravine + DIMENSUM, stated allowance + DISBASE, debase + DISCERN, distinguish, show a difference between + DISCHARGE, settle for + DISCIPLINE, reformation; ecclesiastical system + DISCLAIM, renounce all part in + DISCOURSE, process of reasoning, reasoning faculty + DISCOURTSHIP, discourtesy + DISCOVER, betray, reveal; display + DISFAVOUR, disfigure + DISPARGEMENT, legal term supplied to the unfitness in any way of a marriage + arranged for in the case of wards + DISPENSE WITH, grant dispensation for + DISPLAY, extend + DIS'PLE, discipline, teach by the whip + DISPOSED, inclined to merriment + DISPOSURE, disposal + DISPRISE, depreciate + DISPUNCT, not punctilious + DISQUISITION, search + DISSOLVED, enervated by grief + DISTANCE, (?) proper measure + DISTASTE, offence, cause of offence + DISTASTE, render distasteful + DISTEMPERED, upset, out of humour + DIVISION (mus.), variation, modulation + DOG-BOLT, term of contempt + DOLE, given in dole, charity + DOLE OF FACES, distribution of grimaces + DOOM, verdict, sentence + DOP, dip, low bow + DOR, beetle, buzzing insect, drone, idler + DOR, (?) buzz; "give the --," make a fool of + DOSSER, pannier, basket + DOTES, endowments, qualities + DOTTEREL, plover; gull, fool + DOUBLE, behave deceitfully + DOXY, wench, mistress + DRACHM, Greek silver coin + DRESS, groom, curry + DRESSING, coiffure + DRIFT, intention + DRYFOOT, track by mere scent of foot + DUCKING, punishment for minor offences + DUILL, grieve + DUMPS, melancholy, originally a mournful melody + DURINDANA, Orlando's sword + DWINDLE, shrink away, be overawed + + EAN, yean, bring forth young + EASINESS, readiness + EBOLITION, ebullition + EDGE, sword + EECH, eke + EGREGIOUS, eminently excellent + EKE, also, moreover + E-LA, highest note in the scale + EGGS ON THE SPIT, important business on hand + ELF-LOCK, tangled hair, supposed to be the work of elves + EMMET, ant + ENGAGE, involve + ENGHLE. See Ingle + ENGHLE, cajole; fondle + ENGIN(E), device, contrivance; agent; ingenuity, wit + ENGINER, engineer, deviser, plotter + ENGINOUS, crafty, full of devices; witty, ingenious + ENGROSS, monopolise + ENS, an existing thing, a substance + ENSIGNS, tokens, wounds + ENSURE, assure + ENTERTAIN, take into service + ENTREAT, plead + ENTREATY, entertainment + ENTRY, place where a deer has lately passed + ENVOY, denouement, conclusion + ENVY, spite, calumny, dislike, odium + EPHEMERIDES, calendars + EQUAL, just, impartial + ERECTION, elevation in esteem + ERINGO, candied root of the sea-holly, formerly used as a sweetmeat and + aphrodisiac + ERRANT, arrant + ESSENTIATE, become assimilated + ESTIMATION, esteem + ESTRICH, ostrich + ETHNIC, heathen + EURIPUS, flux and reflux + EVEN, just equable + EVENT, fate, issue + EVENT(ED), issue(d) + EVERT, overturn + EXACUATE, sharpen + EXAMPLESS, without example or parallel + EXCALIBUR, King Arthur's sword + EXEMPLIFY, make an example of + EXEMPT, separate, exclude + EXEQUIES, obsequies + EXHALE, drag out + EXHIBITION, allowance for keep, pocket-money + EXORBITANT, exceeding limits of propriety or law, inordinate + EXORNATION, ornament + EXPECT, wait + EXPLATE, terminate + EXPLICATE, explain, unfold + EXTEMPORAL, extempore, unpremediated + EXTRACTION, essence + EXTRAORDINARY, employed for a special or temporary purpose + EXTRUDE, expel + EYE, "in --," in view + EYEBRIGHT, (?) a malt liquor in which the herb of this name was infused, or + a person who sold the same (Gifford) + EYE-TINGE, least shade or gleam + + FACE, appearance + FACES ABOUT, military word of command + FACINOROUS, extremely wicked + FACKINGS, faith + FACT, deed, act, crime + FACTIOUS, seditious, belonging to a party, given to party feeling + FAECES, dregs + FAGIOLI, French beans + FAIN, forced, necessitated + FAITHFUL, believing + FALL, ruff or band turned back on the shoulders; or, veil + FALSIFY, feign (fencing term) + FAME, report + FAMILIAR, attendant spirit + FANTASTICAL, capricious, whimsical + FARCE, stuff + FAR-FET. See Fet + FARTHINGAL, hooped petticoat + FAUCET, tapster + FAULT, lack; loss, break in line of scent; "for --," in default of + FAUTOR, partisan + FAYLES, old table game similar to backgammon + FEAR(ED), affright(ed) + FEAT, activity, operation; deed, action + FEAT, elegant, trim + FEE, "in --" by feudal obligation + FEIZE, beat, belabour + FELLOW, term of contempt + FENNEL, emblem of flattery + FERE, companion, fellow + FERN-SEED, supposed to have power of rendering invisible + FET, fetched + FETCH, trick + FEUTERER (Fr. vautrier), dog-keeper + FEWMETS, dung + FICO, fig + FIGGUM, (?) jugglery + FIGMENT, fiction, invention + FIRK, frisk, move suddenly, or in jerks; "-- up," stir up, rouse; "firks + mad," suddenly behaves like a madman + FIT, pay one out, punish + FITNESS, readiness + FITTON (FITTEN), lie, invention + FIVE-AND-FIFTY, "highest number to stand on at primero" (Gifford) + FLAG, to fly low and waveringly + FLAGON CHAIN, for hanging a smelling-bottle (Fr. flacon) round the neck + (?). (See N.E.D.) + FLAP-DRAGON, game similar to snap-dragon + FLASKET, some kind of basket + FLAW, sudden gust or squall of wind + FLAWN, custard + FLEA, catch fleas + FLEER, sneer, laugh derisively + FLESH, feed a hawk or dog with flesh to incite it to the chase; initiate in + blood-shed; satiate + FLICKER-MOUSE, bat + FLIGHT, light arrow + FLITTER-MOUSE, bat + FLOUT, mock, speak and act contemptuously + FLOWERS, pulverised substance + FLY, familiar spirit + FOIL, weapon used in fencing; that which sets anything off to advantage + FOIST, cut-purse, sharper + FOND(LY), foolish(ly) + FOOT-CLOTH, housings of ornamental cloth which hung down on either side a + horse to the ground + FOOTING, foothold; footstep; dancing + FOPPERY, foolery + FOR, "-- failing," for fear of failing + FORBEAR, bear with; abstain from + FORCE, "hunt at --," run the game down with dogs + FOREHEAD, modesty; face, assurance, effrontery + FORESLOW, delay + FORESPEAK, bewitch; foretell + FORETOP, front lock of hair which fashion required to be worn upright + FORGED, fabricated + FORM, state formally + FORMAL, shapely; normal; conventional + FORTHCOMING, produced when required + FOUNDER, disable with over-riding + FOURM, form, lair + FOX, sword + FRAIL, rush basket in which figs or raisins were packed + FRAMFULL, peevish, sour-tempered + FRAPLER, blusterer, wrangler + FRAYING, "a stag is said to fray his head when he rubs it against a tree + to...cause the outward coat of the new horns to fall off" (Gifford) + FREIGHT (of the gazetti), burden (of the newspapers) + FREQUENT, full + FRICACE, rubbing + FRICATRICE, woman of low character + FRIPPERY, old clothes shop + FROCK, smock-frock + FROLICS, (?) humorous verses circulated at least (N.E.D.); couplets wrapped + round sweetmeats (Cunningham) + FRONTLESS, shameless + FROTED, rubbed + FRUMETY, hulled wheat boiled in milk and spiced + FRUMP, flout, sneer + FUCUS, dye + FUGEAND, (?) figment: flighty, restless (N.E.D.) + FULLAM, false dice + FULMART, polecat + FULSOME, foul, offensive + FURIBUND, raging, furious + + GALLEY-FOIST, city-barge, used on Lord Mayor's Day, when he was sworn into + his office at Westminster (Whalley) + GALLIARD, lively dance in triple time + GAPE, be eager after + GARAGANTUA, Rabelais' giant + GARB, sheaf (Fr. Gerbe); manner, fashion, behaviour + BARD, guard, trimming, gold or silver lace, or other ornament + GARDED, faced or trimmed + GARNISH, fee + GAVEL-KIND, name of a land-tenure existing chiefly in Kent; from 16th + century often used to denote custom of dividing a deceased man's property + equally among his sons (N.E.D.) + GAZETTE, small Venetian coin worth about three-farthings + GEANCE, jaunt, errand + GEAR (GEER), stuff, matter, affair + GELID, frozen + GEMONIES, steps from which the bodies of criminals were thrown into the river + GENERAL, free, affable + GENIUS, attendant spirit + GENTRY, gentlemen; manners characteristic of gentry, good breeding + GIB-CAT, tom-cat + GIGANTOMACHIZE, start a giants' war + GIGLOT, wanton + GIMBLET, gimlet + GING, gang + GLASS ("taking in of shadows, etc."), crystal or beryl + GLEEK, card game played by three; party of three, trio; side glance + GLICK (GLEEK), jest, gibe + GLIDDER, glaze + GLORIOUSLY, of vain glory + GODWIT, bird of the snipe family + GOLD-END-MAN, a buyer of broken gold and silver + GOLL, hand + GONFALIONIER, standard-bearer, chief magistrate, etc. + GOOD, sound in credit + GOOD-Year, good luck + GOOSE-TURD, colour of. (See Turd) + GORCROW, carrion crow + GORGET, neck armour + GOSSIP, godfather + GOWKED, from "gowk," to stand staring and gaping like a fool + GRANNAM, grandam + GRASS, (?) grease, fat + GRATEFUL, agreeable, welcome + GRATIFY, give thanks to + GRATITUDE, gratuity + GRATULATE, welcome, congratulate + GRAVITY, dignity + GRAY, badger + GRICE, cub + GRIEF, grievance + GRIPE, vulture, griffin + GRIPE'S EGG, vessel in shape of + GROAT, fourpence + GROGRAN, coarse stuff made of silk and mohair, or of coarse silk + GROOM-PORTER, officer in the royal household + GROPE, handle, probe + GROUND, pit (hence "grounded judgments") + GUARD, caution, heed + GUARDANT, heraldic term: turning the head only + GUILDER, Dutch coin worth about 4d. + GULES, gullet, throat; heraldic term for red + GULL, simpleton, dupe + GUST, taste + + HAB NAB, by, on, chance + HABERGEON, coat of mail + HAGGARD, wild female hawk; hence coy, wild + HALBERD, combination of lance and battle-axe + HALL, "a --!" a cry to clear the room for the dancers + HANDSEL, first money taken + HANGER, loop or strap on a sword-belt from which the sword was suspended + HAP, fortune, luck + HAPPILY, haply + HAPPINESS, appropriateness, fitness + HAPPY, rich + HARBOUR, track, trace (an animal) to its shelter + HARD-FAVOURED, harsh-featured + HARPOCRATES, Horus the child, son of Osiris, figured with a finger pointing + to his mouth, indicative of silence + HARRINGTON, a patent was granted to Lord H. for the coinage of tokens (q.v.) + HARROT, herald + HARRY NICHOLAS, founder of a community called the "Family of Love" + HAY, net for catching rabbits, etc. + HAY! (Ital. hai!), you have it (a fencing term) + HAY IN HIS HORN, ill-tempered person + HAZARD, game at dice; that which is staked + HEAD, "first --," young deer with antlers first sprouting; fig. a + newly-ennobled man + HEADBOROUGH, constable + HEARKEN AFTER, inquire; "hearken out," find, search out + HEARTEN, encourage + HEAVEN AND HELL ("Alchemist"), names of taverns + HECTIC, fever + HEDGE IN, include + HELM, upper part of a retort + HER'NSEW, hernshaw, heron + HIERONIMO (JERONIMO), hero of Kyd's "Spanish Tragedy" + HOBBY, nag + HOBBY-HORSE, imitation horse of some light material, fastened round the + waist of the morrice-dancer, who imitated the movements of a skittish horse + HODDY-DODDY, fool + HOIDEN, hoyden, formerly applied to both sexes (ancient term for leveret? + Gifford) + HOLLAND, name of two famous chemists + HONE AND HONERO, wailing expressions of lament or discontent + HOOD-WIND'D, blindfolded + HORARY, hourly + HORN-MAD, stark mad (quibble) + HORN-THUMB, cut-purses were in the habit of wearing a horn shield on the thumb + HORSE-BREAD-EATING, horses were often fed on coarse bread + HORSE-COURSES, horse-dealer + HOSPITAL, Christ's Hospital + HOWLEGLAS, Eulenspiegel, the hero of a popular German tale which related + his buffooneries and knavish tricks + HUFF, hectoring, arrogance + HUFF IT, swagger + HUISHER (Fr. huissier), usher + HUM, beer and spirits mixed together + HUMANITIAN, humanist, scholar + HUMOROUS, capricious, moody, out of humour; moist + HUMOUR, a word used in and out of season in the time of Shakespeare and Ben + Jonson, and ridiculed by both + HUMOURS, manners + HUMPHREY, DUKE, those who were dinnerless spent the dinner-hour in a part + of St. Paul's where stood a monument said to be that of the duke's; hence + "dine with Duke Humphrey," to go hungry + HURTLESS, harmless + + IDLE, useless, unprofitable + ILL-AFFECTED, ill-disposed + ILL-HABITED, unhealthy + ILLUSTRATE, illuminate + IMBIBITION, saturation, steeping + IMBROCATA, fencing term: a thrust in tierce + IMPAIR, impairment + IMPART, give money + IMPARTER, any one ready to be cheated and to part with his money + IMPEACH, damage + IMPERTINENCIES, irrelevancies + IMPERTINENT(LY), irrelevant(ly), without reason or purpose + IMPOSITION, duty imposed by + IMPOTENTLY, beyond power of control + IMPRESS, money in advance + IMPULSION, incitement + IN AND IN, a game played by two or three persons with four dice + INCENSE, incite, stir up + INCERATION, act of covering with wax; or reducing a substance to softness + of wax + INCH, "to their --es," according to their stature, capabilities + INCH-PIN, sweet-bread + INCONVENIENCE, inconsistency, absurdity + INCONY, delicate, rare (used as a term of affection) + INCUBEE, incubus + INCUBUS, evil spirit that oppresses us in sleep, nightmare + INCURIOUS, unfastidious, uncritical + INDENT, enter into engagement + INDIFFERENT, tolerable, passable + INDIGESTED, shapeless, chaotic + INDUCE, introduce + INDUE, supply + INEXORABLE, relentless + INFANTED, born, produced + INFLAME, augment charge + INGENIOUS, used indiscriminantly for ingenuous; intelligent, talented + INGENUITY, ingenuousness + INGENUOUS, generous + INGINE. See Engin + INGINER, engineer. (See Enginer) + INGLE, OR ENGHLE, bosom friend, intimate, minion + INHABITABLE, uninhabitable + INJURY, insult, affront + IN-MATE, resident, indwelling + INNATE, natural + INNOCENT, simpleton + INQUEST, jury, or other official body of inquiry + INQUISITION, inquiry + INSTANT, immediate + INSTRUMENT, legal document + INSURE, assure + INTEGRATE, complete, perfect + INTELLIGENCE, secret information, news + INTEND, note carefully, attend, give ear to, be occupied with + INTENDMENT, intention + INTENT, intention, wish + INTENTION, concentration of attention or gaze + INTENTIVE, attentive + INTERESSED, implicated + INTRUDE, bring in forcibly or without leave + INVINCIBLY, invisibly + INWARD, intimate + IRPE (uncertain), "a fantastic grimace, or contortion of the body: (Gifford) + + JACE, Jack o' the clock, automaton figure that strikes the hour; + Jack-a-lent, puppet thrown at in Lent + JACK, key of a virginal + JACOB'S STAFF, an instrument for taking altitudes and distances + JADE, befool + JEALOUSY, JEALOUS, suspicion, suspicious + JERKING, lashing + JEW'S TRUMP, Jew's harp + JIG, merry ballad or tune; a fanciful dialogue or light comic act + introduced at the end or during an interlude of a play + JOINED (JOINT)-STOOL, folding stool + JOLL, jowl + JOLTHEAD, blockhead + JUMP, agree, tally + JUST YEAR, no one was capable of the consulship until he was forty-three + + KELL, cocoon + KELLY, an alchemist + KEMB, comb + KEMIA, vessel for distillation + KIBE, chap, sore + KILDERKIN, small barrel + KILL, kiln + KIND, nature; species; "do one's --," act according to one's nature + KIRTLE, woman's gown of jacket and petticoat + KISS OR DRINK AFORE ME, "this is a familiar expression, employed when what + the speaker is just about to say is anticipated by another" (Gifford) + KIT, fiddle + KNACK, snap, click + KNIPPER-DOLING, a well-known Anabaptist + KNITTING CUP, marriage cup + KNOCKING, striking, weighty + KNOT, company, band; a sandpiper or robin snipe (Tringa canulus); + flower-bed laid out in fanciful design + KURSINED, KYRSIN, christened + + LABOURED, wrought with labour and care + LADE, load(ed) + LADING, load + LAID, plotted + LANCE-KNIGHT (Lanzknecht), a German mercenary foot-soldier + LAP, fold + LAR, household god + LARD, garnish + LARGE, abundant + LARUM, alarum, call to arms + LATTICE, tavern windows were furnished with lattices of various colours + LAUNDER, to wash gold in aqua regia, so as imperceptibly to extract some of it. + LAVE, ladle, bale + LAW, "give --," give a start (term of chase) + LAXATIVE, loose + LAY ABOARD, run alongside generally with intent to board + LEAGUER, siege, or camp of besieging army + LEASING, lying + LEAVE, leave off, desist + LEER, leering or "empty, hence, perhaps leer horse without a rider; leer is + an adjective meaning uncontrolled, hence 'leer drunkards'" (Halliwell); + according to Nares, a leer (empty) horse meant also a led horse; leeward, + left + + LEESE, lose + LEGS, "make --," do obeisance + LEIGEP, resident representative + LEIGERITY, legerdemain + LEMMA, subject proposed, or title of the epigram + LENTER, slower + LET, hinder + LET, hindrance + LEVEL COIL, a rough game...in which one hunted another from his seat. + Hence used for any noisy riot (Halliwell) + LEWD, ignorant + LEYSTALLS, receptacles of filth + LIBERAL, ample + LIEGER, ledger, register + LIFT(ING), steal(ing) + LIGHT, alight + LIGHTLY, commonly, usually, often + LIKE, please + LIKELY, agreeable, pleasing + LIME-HOUND, leash-, blood-hound + LIMMER, vile, worthless + LIN, leave off + Line, "by --," by rule + LINSTOCK, staff to stick in the ground, with forked head to hold a lighted + match for firing cannon + LIQUID, clear + LIST, listen, hard; like, please + LIVERY, legal term, delivery of the possession, etc. + LOGGET, small log, stick + LOOSE, solution; upshot, issue; release of an arrow + LOSE, give over, desist from; waste + LOUTING, bowing, cringing + LUCULENT, bright of beauty + LUDGATHIANS, dealers on Ludgate Hill + LURCH, rob, cheat + LUTE, to close a vessel with some kind of cement + + MACK, unmeaning expletive + MADGE_HOWLET or own, barn-owl + MAIM, hurt, injury + MAIN, chief concern (used as a quibble on heraldic term for "hand") + MAINPRISE, becoming surety for a prisoner so as to procure his release + MAINTENANCE, giving aid, or abetting + MAKE, mate + MAKE, MADE, acquaint with business, prepare(d), instruct(ed) + MALLANDERS, disease of horses + MALT HORSE, dray horse + MAMMET, puppet + MAMMOTHREPT, spoiled child + MANAGE, control (term used for breaking-in horses); handling, administration + MANGO, slave-dealer + MANGONISE, polish up for sale + MANIPLES, bundles, handfuls + MANKIND, masculine, like a virago + MANEIND, humanity + MAPLE FACE, spotted face (N.E.D.) + MARCH PANE, a confection of almonds, sugar, etc. + MARK, "fly to the --," "generally said of a goshawk when, having 'put in' a + covey of partridges, she takes stand, making the spot where they + disappeared from view until the falconer arrives to put them out to her" + (Harting, Bibl. Accip. Gloss. 226) + MARLE, marvel + MARROW-BONE MAN, one often on his knees for prayer + MARRY! exclamation derived from the Virgin's name + MARRY GIP, "probably originated from By Mary Gipcy = St. Mary of Egypt, + (N.E.D.) + MARTAGAN, Turk's cap lily + MARYHINCHCO, stringhalt + MASORETH, Masora, correct form of the scriptural text according to Hebrew + tradition + Mass, abb. for master + MAUND, beg + MAUTHER, girl, maid + MEAN, moderation + MEASURE, dance, more especially a stately one + MEAT, "carry -- in one's mouth," be a source of money or entertainment + MEATH, metheglin + MECHANICAL, belonging to mechanics, mean, vulgar + MEDITERRANEO, middle aisle of St. Paul's, a general resort for business and + amusement + MEET WITH, even with + MELICOTTON, a late kind of peach + MENSTRUE, solvent + MERCAT, market + MERD, excrement + MERE, undiluted; absolute, unmitigated + MESS, party of four + METHEGLIN, fermented liquor, of which one ingredient was honey + METOPOSCOPY, study of physiognomy + MIDDLING GOSSIP, go-between + MIGNIARD, dainty, delicate + MILE-END, training-ground of the city + MINE-MEN, sappers + MINION, form of cannon + MINSITIVE, (?) mincing, affected (N.E.D.) + MISCELLANY MADAM, "a female trader in miscellaneous articles; a dealer in + trinkets or ornaments of various kinds, such as kept shops in the New + Exchange" (Nares) + MISCELLINE, mixed grain; medley + MISCONCEIT, misconception + MISPRISE, MISPRISION, mistake, misunderstanding + MISTAKE AWAY, carry away as if by mistake + MITHRIDATE, an antidote against poison + MOCCINIGO, small Venetian coin, worth about ninepence + MODERN, in the mode; ordinary, common-place + MOMENT, force or influence of value + MONTANTO, upward stroke + MONTH'S MIND, violent desire + MOORISH, like a moor or waste + MORGLAY, sword of Bevis of Southampton + MORRICe-DANCE, dance on May Day, etc., in which certain personages were + represented + MORTALITY, death + MORT-MAL, old score, gangrene + MOSCADINO, confection flavoured with musk + MOTHER, Hysterica passio + MOTION, proposal, request; puppet, puppet-show; "one of the small figures + on the face of a large clock which was moved by the vibration of the + pendulum" (Whalley) + MOTION, suggest, propose + MOTLEY, parti-coloured dress of a fool; hence used to signify pertaining + to, or like, a fool + MOTTE, motto + MOURNIVAL, set of four aces or court cards in a hand; a quartette + MOW, setord hay or sheaves of grain + MUCH! expressive of irony and incredulity + MUCKINDER, handkerchief + MULE, "born to ride on --," judges or serjeants-at-law formerly rode on + mules when going in state to Westminster (Whally) + MULLETS, small pincers + MUM-CHANCE, game of chance, played in silence + MUN, must + MUREY, dark crimson red + MUSCOVY-GLASS, mica + MUSE, wonder + MUSICAL, in harmony + MUSS, mouse; scramble + MYROBOLANE, foreign conserve, "a dried plum, brought from the Indies" + MYSTERY, art, trade, profession. + + NAIL, "to the --" (ad unguem), to perfection, to the very utmost + NATIVE, natural + NEAT, cattle + NEAT, smartly apparelled; unmixed; dainty + NEATLY, neatly finished + NEATNESS, elegance + NEIS, nose, scent + NEUF (NEAF, NEIF), fist + NEUFT, newt + NIAISE, foolish, inexperienced person + NICE, fastidious, trivial, finical, scrupulous + NICENESS, fastidiousness + NICK, exact amount; right moment; "set in the --" meaning uncertain + NICE, suit, fit' hit, seize the right moment, etc., exactly hit on, hit off + NOBLE, gold coin worth 6s.8d. + NOCENT, harmful + NIL, not will + NOISE, company of musicians + NOMENTACK, an Indian chief from Virginia + NONES, nonce + NOTABLE, egregious + NOTE, sign, token + NOUGHT, "be --," go to the devil, be hanged, etc. + NOWT-HEAD, blockhead + NUMBER, rhythm + NUPSON, oaf, simpleton + + OADE, wood + OBARNI, preparation of mead + OBJECT, oppose; expose; interpose + OBLATRANT, barking, railing + OBNOXIOUS, liable, exposed; offensive + OBSERVANCE, homage, devoted service + OBSERVANT, attentive, obsequious + OBSERVE, show deference, respect + OBSERVER, one who shows deference, or waits upon another + OBSTANCY, legal phrase, "juridical opposition" + OBSTREPEROUS, clamorous, vociferous + OBSTUPEFACT, stupefied + ODLING, (?) "must have some relation to tricking and cheating" (Nares) + OMINOUS, deadly, fatal + ONCE, at once; for good and all; used also for additional emphasis + ONLY, pre-eminent, special + OPEN, make public; expound + OPPILATION, obstruction + OPPONE, oppose + OPPOSITE, antagonist + OFFPRESS, suppress + ORIGINOUS, native + ORT, remnant, scrap + OUT, "to be --." to have forgotten one's part; not at one with each other + OUTCRY, sale by auction + OUTREGUIDANCE, arrogance, presumption + OUTSPEAK, speak more than + OVERPARTED, given too difficult a part to play + OWLSPIEGEL. See Howleglass + OYEZ! (O YES!), hear ye! call of the public crier when about to make a + proclamation + + PACKING PENNY, "give a --," dismiss, send packing + PAD, highway + PAD-HORSE, road-horse + PAINED (PANED) SLOPS, full breeches made of strips of different colour and + material + PAINFUL, diligent, painstaking + PAINT, blush + PALINODE, ode of recantation + PALL, weaken, dim, make stale + PALM, triumph + PAN, skirt of dress or coat + PANNEL, pad, or rough kind of saddle + PANNIER-ALLY, inhabited by tripe-sellers + PANNIER-MAN, hawker; a man employed about the inns of court to bring in + provisions, set the table, etc. + PANTOFLE, indoor shoe, slipper + PARAMENTOS, fine trappings + PARANOMASIE, a play upon words + PARANTORY, (?) peremptory + PARCEL, particle, fragment (used contemptuously); article + PARCEL, part, partly + PARCEL-POET, poetaster + PARERGA, subordinate matters + PARGET, to paint or plaster the face + PARLE, parley + PARLOUS, clever, shrewd + PART, apportion + PARTAKE, participate in + PARTED, endowed, talented + PARTICULAR, individual person + PARTIZAN, kind of halberd + PARTRICH, partridge + PARTS, qualities endowments + PASH, dash, smash + PASS, care, trouble oneself + PASSADO, fending term: a thrust + PASSAGE, game at dice + PASSINGLY, exceedingly + PASSION, effect caused by external agency + PASSION, "in --," in so melancholy a tone, so pathetically + PATOUN, (?) Fr. Paton, pellet of dough; perhaps the "moulding of the + tobacco...for the pipe" (Gifford); (?) variant of Petun, South American + name of tobacco + PATRICO, the recorder, priest, orator of strolling beggars or gipsies + PATTEN, shoe with wooden sole; "go --," keep step with, accompany + PAUCA VERBA, few words + PAVIN, a stately dance + PEACE, "with my master's --," by leave, favour + PECULIAR, individual, single + PEDANT, teacher of the languages + PEEL, baker's shovel + PEEP, speak in a small or shrill voice + PEEVISH(LY), foolish(ly), capricious(ly); childish(ly) + PELICAN, a retort fitted with tube or tubes, for continuous distillation + PENCIL, small tuft of hair + PERDUE, soldier accustomed to hazardous service + PEREMPTORY, resolute, bold; imperious; thorough, utter, absolute(ly) + PERIMETER, circumference of a figure + PERIOD, limit, end + PERK, perk up + PERPETUANA, "this seems to be that glossy kind of stuff now called + everlasting, and anciently worn by serjeants and other city officers" + (Gifford) + PERSPICIL, optic glass + PERSTRINGE, criticise, censure + PERSUADE, inculcate, commend + PERSWAY, mitigate + PERTINACY, pertinacity + PESTLING, pounding, pulverising, like a pestle + PETASUS, broad-brimmed hat or winged cap worn by Mercury + PETITIONARY, supplicatory + PETRONEL, a kind of carbine or light gas carried by horsemen + PETULANT, pert, insolent + PHERE. See Fere + PHLEGMA, watery distilled liquor (old chem. "water") + PHRENETIC, madman + PICARDIL, still upright collar fastened on to the coat (Whalley) + PICT-HATCH, disreputable quarter of London + PIECE, person, used for woman or girl; a gold coin worth in Jonson's time + 20s. or 22s. + PIECES OF EIGHT, Spanish coin: piastre equal to eight reals + PIED, variegated + PIE-POUDRES (Fr. pied-poudreux, dusty-foot), court held at fairs to + administer justice to itinerant vendors and buyers + PILCHER, term of contempt; one who wore a buff or leather jerkin, as did + the serjeants of the counter; a pilferer + PILED, pilled, peeled, bald + PILL'D, polled, fleeced + PIMLICO, "sometimes spoken of as a person -- perhaps master of a house + famous for a particular ale" (Gifford) + PINE, afflict, distress + PINK, stab with a weapon; pierce or cut in scallops for ornament + PINNACE, a go-between in infamous sense + PISMIRE, ant + PISTOLET, gold coin, worth about 6s. + PITCH, height of a bird of prey's flight + PLAGUE, punishment, torment + PLAIN, lament + PLAIN SONG, simple melody + PLAISE, plaice + PLANET, "struck with a --," planets were supposed to have powers of + blasting or exercising secret influences + PLAUSIBLE, pleasing + PLAUSIBLY, approvingly + PLOT, plan + PLY, apply oneself to + POESIE, posy, motto inside a ring + POINT IN HIS DEVICE, exact in every particular + POINTE, tabbed laces or cords for fastening the breeches to the doublet + POINT-TRUSSER, one who trussed (tied) his master's points (q.v.) + POISE, weigh, balance + POKING-STICK, stick used for setting the plaits of ruffs + POLITIC, politician + POLITIC, judicious, prudent, political + POLITICIAN, plotter, intriguer + POLL, strip, plunder, gain by extortion + POMMANDER, ball of perfume, worn or hung about the person to prevent + infection, or for foppery + POMMADO, vaulting on a horse without the aid of stirrups + PONTIC, sour + POPULAR, vulgar, of the populace + POPULOUS, numerous + PORT, gate; print of a deer's foot + PORT, transport + PORTAGUE, Portuguese gold coin, worth over £3 or f4 + PORTCULLIS, "-- of coin," some old coins have a portcullis stamped on their + reverse (Whalley) + PORTENT, marvel, prodigy; sinister omen + PORTENTOUS, prophesying evil, threatening + PORTER, references appear "to allude to Parsons, the king's porter, who + was... near seven feet high" (Whalley) + POSSESS, inform, acquaint + POST AND PAIR, a game at cards + POSY, motto. (See Poesie) + POTCH, poach + POULT-FOOT, club-foot + POUNCE, claw, talon + PRACTICE, intrigue, concerted plot + PRACTISE, plot, conspire + PRAGMATIC, an expert, agent + PRAGMATIC, officious, conceited, meddling + PRECEDENT, record of proceedings + PRECEPT, warrant, summons + PRECISIAN(ISM), Puritan(ism), preciseness + PREFER, recomment + PRESENCE, presence chamber + PRESENT(LY), immediate(ly), without delay; at the present time; actually + PRESS, force into service + PREST, ready + PRETEND, assert, allege + PREVENT, anticipate + PRICE, worth, excellence + PRICK, point, dot used in the writing of Hebrew and other languages + PRICK, prick out, mark off, select; trace, track; "-- away," make off with + speed + PRIMERO, game of cards + PRINCOX, pert boy + PRINT, "in --," to the letter, exactly + PRISTINATE, former + PRIVATE, private interests + PRIVATE, privy, intimate + PROCLIVE, prone to + PRODIGIOUS, monstrous, unnatural + PRODIGY, monster + PRODUCED, prolonged + PROFESS, pretend + PROJECTION, the throwing of the "powder of projection" into the crucible to + turn the melted metal into gold or silver + PROLATE, pronounce drawlingly + PROPER, of good appearance, handsome; own, particular + PROPERTIES, state necessaries + PROPERTY, duty; tool + PRORUMPED, burst out + PROTEST, vow, proclaim (an affected word of that time); formally declare + non-payment, etc., of bill of exchange; fig. failure of personal credit, + etc. + PROVANT, soldier's allowance -- hence, of common make + PROVIDE, foresee + PROVIDENCE, foresight, prudence + PUBLICATION, making a thing public of common property (N.E.D.) + PUCKFIST, puff-ball; insipid, insignificant, boasting fellow + PUFF-WING, shoulder puff + PUISNE, judge of inferior rank, a junior + PULCHRITUDE, beauty + PUMP, shoe + PUNGENT, piercing + PUNTO, point, hit + PURCEPT, precept, warrant + PURE, fine, capital, excellent + PURELY, perfectly, utterly + PURL, pleat or fold of a ruff + PURSE-NET, net of which the mouth is drawn together with a string + PURSUIVANT, state messenger who summoned the persecuted seminaries; warrant + officer + PURSY, PURSINESS, shortwinded(ness) + PUT, make a push, exert yourself (N.E.D.) + PUT OFF, excuse, shift + PUT ON, incite, encourage; proceed with, take in hand, try + + QUACKSALVER, quack + QUAINT, elegant, elaborated, ingenious, clever + QUAR, quarry + QUARRIED, seized, or fed upon, as prey + QUEAN, hussy, jade + QUEASY, hazardous, delicate + QUELL, kill, destroy + QUEST, request; inquiry + QUESTION, decision by force of arms + QUESTMAN, one appointed to make official inquiry + QUIB, QUIBLIN, quibble, quip + QUICK, the living + QUIDDIT, quiddity, legal subtlety + QUIRK, clever turn or trick + QUIT, requite, repay; acquit, absolve; rid; forsake, leave + QUITTER-BONE, disease of horses + QUODLING, codling + QUOIT, throw like a quoit, chuck + QUOTE, take note, observe, write down + + RACK, neck of mutton or pork (Halliwell) + RAKE UP, cover over + RAMP, rear, as a lion, etc. + RAPT, carry away + RAPT, enraptured + RASCAL, young or inferior deer + RASH, strike with a glancing oblique blow, as a boar with its tusk + RATSEY, GOMALIEL, a famous highwayman + RAVEN, devour + REACH, understand + REAL, regal + REBATU, ruff, turned-down collar + RECTOR, RECTRESS, director, governor + REDARGUE, confute + REDUCE, bring back + REED, rede, counsel, advice + REEL, run riot + REFEL, refute + REFORMADOES, disgraced or disbanded soldiers + REGIMENT, government + REGRESSION, return + REGULAR ("Tale of a Tub"), regular noun (quibble) (N.E.D.) + RELIGION, "make -- of," make a point of, scruple of + RELISH, savour + REMNANT, scrap of quotation + REMORA, species of fish + RENDER, depict, exhibit, show + REPAIR, reinstate + REPETITION, recital, narration + REREMOUSE, bat + RESIANT, resident + RESIDENCE, sediment + RESOLUTION, judgment, decision + RESOLVE, inform; assure; prepare, make up one's mind; dissolve; come to a + decision, be convinced; relax, set at ease + RESPECTIVE, worthy of respect; regardful, discriminative + RESPECTIVELY, with reverence + RESPECTLESS, regardless + RESPIRE, exhale; inhale + RESPONSIBLE, correspondent + REST, musket-rest + REST, "set up one's --," venture one's all, one's last stake (from game of + primero) + REST, arrest + RESTIVE, RESTY, dull, inactive + RETCHLESS(NESS), reckless(ness) + RETIRE, cause to retire + RETRICATO, fencing term + RETRIEVE, rediscovery of game once sprung + RETURNS, ventures sent abroad, for the safe return of which so much money + is received + REVERBERATE, dissolve or blend by reflected heat + REVERSE, REVERSO, back-handed thrust, etc., in fencing + REVISE, reconsider a sentence + RHEUM, spleen, caprice + RIBIBE, abusive term for an old woman + RID, destroy, do away with + RIFLING, raffling, dicing + RING, "cracked within the --," coins so cracked were unfit for currency + RISSE, risen, rose + RIVELLED, wrinkled + ROARER, swaggerer + ROCHET, fish of the gurnet kind + ROCK, distaff + RODOMONTADO, braggadocio + ROGUE, vagrant, vagabond + RONDEL, "a round mark in the score of a public-house" (Nares); roundel + ROOK, sharper; fool, dupe + ROSAKER, similar to ratsbane + ROSA-SOLIS, a spiced spirituous liquor + ROSES, rosettes + ROUND, "gentlemen of the --," officers of inferior rank + ROUND TRUNKS, trunk hose, short loose breeches reaching almost or quite to + the knees + ROUSE, carouse, bumper + ROVER, arrow used for shooting at a random mark at uncertain distance + ROWLY-POWLY, roly-poly + RUDE, RUDENESS, unpolished, rough(ness), coarse(ness) + RUFFLE, flaunt, swagger + RUG, coarse frieze + RUG-GOWNS, gown made of rug + RUSH, reference to rushes with which the floors were then strewn + RUSHER, one who strewed the floor with rushes + RUSSET, homespun cloth of neutral or reddish-brown colour + + SACK, loose, flowing gown + SADLY, seriously, with gravity + SAD(NESS), sober, serious(ness) + SAFFI, bailiffs + ST. THOMAS A WATERINGS, place in Surrey where criminals were executed + SAKER, small piece of ordnance + SALT, leap + SALT, lascivious + SAMPSUCHINE, sweet marjoram + SARABAND, a slow dance + SATURNALS, began December 17 + SAUCINESS, presumption, insolence + SAUCY, bold, impudent, wanton + SAUNA (Lat.), a gesture of contempt + SAVOUR, perceive; gratify, please; to partake of the nature + SAY, sample + SAY, assay, try + SCALD, word of contempt, implying dirt and disease + SCALLION, shalot, small onion + SCANDERBAG, "name which the Turks (in allusion to Alexander the Great) gave + to the brave Castriot, chief of Albania, with whom they had continual wars. + His romantic life had just been translated" (Gifford) + SCAPE, escape + SCARAB, beetle + SCARTOCCIO, fold of paper, cover, cartouch, cartridge + SCONCE, head + SCOPE, aim + SCOT AND LOT, tax, contribution (formerly a parish assessment) + SCOTOMY, dizziness in the head + SCOUR, purge + SCOURSE, deal, swap + SCRATCHES, disease of horses + SCROYLE, mean, rascally fellow + SCRUPLE, doubt + SEAL, put hand to the giving up of property or rights + SEALED, stamped as genuine + SEAM-RENT, ragged + SEAMING LACES, insertion or edging + SEAR UP, close by searing, burning + SEARCED, sifted + SECRETARY, able to keep a secret + SECULAR, worldly, ordinary, commonplace + SECURE, confident + SEELIE, happy, blest + SEISIN, legal term: possession + SELLARY, lewd person + SEMBLABLY, similarly + SEMINARY, a Romish priest educated in a foreign seminary + SENSELESS, insensible, without sense or feeling + SENSIBLY, perceptibly + SENSIVE, sensitive + SENSUAL, pertaining to the physical or material + SERENE, harmful dew of evening + SERICON, red tincture + SERVANT, lover + SERVICES, doughty deeds of arms + SESTERCE, Roman copper coin + SET, stake, wager + SET UP, drill + SETS, deep plaits of the ruff + SEWER, officer who served up the feast, and brought water for the hands of + the guests + SHAPE, a suit by way of disguise + SHIFT, fraud, dodge + SHIFTER, cheat + SHITTLE, shuttle; "shittle-cock," shuttlecock + SHOT, tavern reckoning + SHOT-CLOG, one only tolerated because he paid the shot (reckoning) for the rest + SHOT-FREE, scot-free, not having to pay + SHOVE-GROAT, low kind of gambling amusement, perhaps somewhat of the nature + of pitch and toss + SHOT-SHARKS, drawers + SHREWD, mischievous, malicious, curst + SHREWDLY, keenly, in a high degree + SHRIVE, sheriff; posts were set up before his door for proclamations, or to + indicate his residence + SHROVING, Shrovetide, season of merriment + SIGILLA, seal, mark + SILENCED BRETHERN, MINISTERS, those of the Church or Nonconformists who had + been silenced, deprived, etc. + SILLY, simple, harmless + SIMPLE, silly, witless; plain, true + SIMPLES, herbs + SINGLE, term of chase, signifying when the hunted stag is separated from + the herd, or forced to break covert + SINGLE, weak, silly + SINGLE-MONEY, small change + SINGULAR, unique, supreme + SI-QUIS, bill, advertisement + SKELDRING, getting money under false pretences; swindlilng + SKILL, "it -- a not," matters not + SEINK(ER), pour, draw(er), tapster + SKIRT, tail + SLEEK, smooth + SLICE, fire shovel or pan (dial.) + SLICK, sleek, smooth + 'SLID, 'SLIGHT, 'SPRECIOUS, irreverent oaths + SLIGHT, sleight, cunning, cleverness; trick + SLIP, counterfeit coin, bastard + SLIPPERY, polished and shining + SLOPS, large loose breeches + SLOT, print of a stag's foot + SLUR, put a slur on; chear (by sliding a die in some way) + SMELT, gull, simpleton + SNORLE, "perhaps snarl as Puppy is addressed" (Cunningham) + SNOTTERIE, filth + SNUFF, anger, resentment; "take in --," take offence at + SNUFFERS, small open silver dishes for holding snuff, or receptacle for + placing snuffers in (Halliwell) + SOCK, shoe worn by comic actors + SOD, seethe + SOGGY, soaked, sodden + SOIL, "take --," said of a hunted stag when he takes to the water for safety + SOL, sou + SOLDADOES, soldiers + SOLICIT, rouse, excite to action + SOOTH, flattery, cajolery + SOOTHE, flatter, humour + SOPHISTICATE, adulterate + SORT, company, party; rank, degree + SORT, suit, fit; select + SOUSE, ear + SOUSED ("Devil is an Ass"), fol. read "sou't," which Dyce interprets as "a + variety of the spelling of 'shu'd': to shu is to scare a bird away." (See + his Webster, p. 350) + SOWTER, cobbler + SPAGYRICA, chemistry according to the teachings of Paracelsus + SPAR, bar + SPEAK, make known, proclaim + SPECULATION, power of sight + SPED, to have fared well, prospered + SPEECE, species + SPIGHT, anger, rancour + SPINNER, spider + SPINSTRY, lewd person + SPITTLE, hospital, lazar-house + SPLEEN, considered the seat of the emotions + SPLEEN, caprice, humour, mood + SPRUNT, spruce + SPURGE, foam + SPUR-RYAL, gold coin worth 15s. + SQUIRE, square, measure; "by the --," exactly. + STAGGERING, wavering, hesitating + STAIN, disparagement, disgrace + STALE, decoy, or cover, stalking-horse + STALE, make cheap, common + STALE, approach stealthily or under cover + STALL, forestall + STANDARD, suit + STAPLE, market emporium + STARK, downright + STARTING-HOLES, loopholes of escape + STATE, dignity; canopied chair of state; estate + STATUMINATE, support vines by poles or stakes; used by Pliny (Gifford) + STAY, gag + STAY, await; detain + STICKLER, second or umpire + STIGMATISE, mark, brand + STILL, continual(ly), constant(ly) + STINKARD, stinking fellow + STINT, stop + STIPTIC, astringent + STOCCATA, thrust in fencing + STOCK-FISH, salted and dried fish + STOMACH, pride, valour + STOMACH, resent + STOOP, swoop down as a hawk + STOP, fill, stuff + STOPPLE, stopper + STOTE, stoat, weasel + STOUP, stoop, swoop=bow + STRAIGHT, straightway + STRAMAZOUN (Ital. stramazzone), a down blow, as opposed to the thrust + STRANGE, like a stranger, unfamiliar + STRANGENESS, distance of behaviour + STREIGHTS, OR BERMUDAS, labyrinth of alleys and courts in the Strand + STRIGONIUM, Grau in Hungary, taken from the Turks in 1597 + STRIKE, balance (accounts) + STRINGHALT, disease of horses + STROKER, smoother, flatterer + STROOK, p.p. of "strike" + STRUMMEL-PATCHED, strummed is glossed in dialect dicts. as "a long, loose + and dishevelled head of hair" + STUDIES, studious efforts + STYLE, title; pointed instrument used for writing on wax tablets + SUBTLE, fine, delicate, thin; smooth, soft + SUBTLETY (SUBTILITY), subtle device + SUBURB, connected with loose living + SUCCUBAE, demons in form of women + SUCK, extract money from + SUFFERANCE, suffering + SUMMED, term of falconry: with full-grown plumage + SUPER-NEGULUM, topers turned the cup bottom up when it was empty + SUPERSTITIOUS, over-scrupulous + SUPPLE, to make pliant + SURBATE, make sore with walking + SURCEASE, cease + SUR-REVERENCE, save your reverence + SURVISE, peruse + SUSCITABILITY, excitability + SUSPECT, suspicion + SUSPEND, suspect + SUSPENDED, held over for the present + SUTLER, victualler + SWAD, clown, boor + SWATH BANDS, swaddling clothes + SWINGE, beat + + TABERD, emblazoned mantle or tunic worn by knights and heralds + TABLE(S), "pair of --," tablets, note-book + TABOR, small drum + TABRET, tabor + TAFFETA, silk; "tuft-taffeta," a more costly silken fabric + TAINT, "-- a staff," break a lance at tilting in an unscientific or + dishonourable manner + TAKE IN, capture, subdue + TAKE ME WITH YOU, let me understand you + TAKE UP, obtain on credit, borrow + TALENT, sum or weight of Greek currency + TALL, stout, brave + TANKARD-BEARERS, men employed to fetch water from the conduits + TARLETON, celebrated comedian and jester + TARTAROUS, like a Tartar + TAVERN-TOKEN, "to swallow a --," get drunk + TELL, count + TELL-TROTH, truth-teller + TEMPER, modify, soften + TENDER, show regard, care for cherish; manifest + TENT, "take --," take heed + TERSE, swept and polished + TERTIA, "that portion of an army levied out of one particular district or + division of a country" (Gifford) + TESTON, tester, coin worth 6d. + THIRDBOROUGH, constable + THREAD, quality + THREAVES, droves + THREE-FARTHINGS, piece of silver current under Elizabeth + THREE-PILED, of finest quality, exaggerated + THRIFTILY, carefully + THRUMS, ends of the weaver's warp; coarse yarn made from + THUMB-RING, familiar spirits were supposed capable of being carried about + in various ornaments or parts of dress + TIBICINE, player on the tibia, or pipe + TICK-TACK, game similar to backgammon + TIGHTLY, promptly + TIM, (?) expressive of a climax of nonentity + TIMELESS, untimely, unseasonable + TINCTURE, an essential or spiritual principle supposed by alchemists to be + transfusible into material things; an imparted characteristic or tendency + TINK, tinkle + TIPPET, "turn --," change behaviour or way of life + TIPSTAFF, staff tipped with metal + TIRE, head-dress + TIRE, feed ravenously, like a bird of prey + TITILLATION, that which tickles the senses, as a perfume + TOD, fox + TOILED, worn out, harassed + TOKEN, piece of base metal used in place of very small coin, when this was + scarce + TONNELS, nostrils + TOP, "parish --," large top kept in villages for amusement and exercise in + frosty weather when people were out of work + TOTER, tooter, player on a wind instrument + TOUSE, pull, read + TOWARD, docile, apt; on the way to; as regards; present, at hand + TOY, whim; trick; term of contempt + TRACT, attraction + TRAIN, allure, entice + TRANSITORY, transmittable + TRANSLATE, transform + TRAY-TRIP, game at dice (success depended on throwing a three) (Nares) + TREACHOUR (TRECHER), traitor + TREEN, wooden + TRENCHER, serving-man who carved or served food + TRENDLE-TAIL, trundle-tail, curly-tailed + TRICK (TRICKING), term of heraldry: to draw outline of coat of arms, etc., + without blazoning + TRIG, a spruce, dandified man + TRILL, trickle + TRILLIBUB, tripe, any worthless, trifling thing + TRIPOLY, "come from --," able to perform feats of agility, a "jest + nominal," depending on the first part of the word (Gifford) + TRITE, worn, shabby + TRIVIA, three-faced goddess (Hecate) + TROJAN, familiar term for an equal or inferior; thief + TROLL, sing loudly + TROMP, trump, deceive + TROPE, figure of speech + TROW, think, believe, wonder + TROWLE, troll + TROWSES, breeches, drawers + TRUCHMAN, interpreter + TRUNDLE, JOHN, well-known printer + TRUNDLE, roll, go rolling along + TRUNDLING CHEATS, term among gipsies and beggars for carts or coaches (Gifford) + TRUNK, speaking-tube + TRUSS, tie the tagged laces that fastened the breeches to the doublet + TUBICINE, trumpeter + TUCKET (Ital. toccato), introductory flourish on the trumpet + TUITION, guardianship + TUMBLE, a particular kind of dog so called from the mode of his hunting + TUMBREL-SLOP, loose, baggy breeches + TURD, excrement + TUSK, gnash the teeth (Century Dict.) + TWIRE, peep, twinkle + TWOPENNY ROOM, gallery + TYRING-HOUSE, attiring-room + + ULENSPIEGEL. See Howleglass + UMBRATILE, like or pertaining to a shadow + UMBRE, brown dye + UNBATED, unabated + UNBORED, (?) excessively bored + UNCARNATE, not fleshly, or of flesh + UNCOUTH, strange, unusual + UNDERTAKER, "one who undertook by his influence in the House of Commons to + carry things agreeably to his Majesty's wishes" (Whalley); one who becomes + surety for + UNEQUAL, unjust + UNEXCEPTED, no objection taken at + UNFEARED, unaffrighted + UNHAPPILY, unfortunately + UNICORN'S HORN, supposed antidote to poison + UNKIND(LY), unnatural(ly) + UNMANNED, untamed (term in falconry) + UNQUIT, undischarged + UNREADY, undressed + UNRUDE, rude to an extreme + UNSEASONED, unseasonable, unripe + UNSEELED, a hawk's eyes were "seeled" by sewing the eyelids together with + fine thread + UNTIMELY, unseasonably + UNVALUABLE, invaluable + UPBRAID, make a matter of reproach + UPSEE, heavy kind of Dutch beer (Halliwell); "-- Dutch," in the Dutch fashion + UPTAILS ALL, refrain of a popular song + URGE, allege as accomplice, instigator + URSHIN, URCHIN, hedgehog + USE, interest on money; part of sermon dealing with the practical + application of doctrine + USE, be in the habit of, accustomed to; put out to interest + USQUEBAUGH, whisky + USURE, usury + UTTER, put in circulation, make to pass current; put forth for sale + + VAIL, bow, do homage + VAILS, tips, gratuities + VALL. See Vail + VALLIES (Fr. valise), portmanteau, bag + VAPOUR(S) (n. and v.), used affectedly, like "humour," in many senses, + often very vaguely and freely ridiculed by Jonson; humour, disposition, + whims, brag(ging), hector(ing), etc. + VARLET, bailiff, or serjeant-at-mace + VAUT, vault + VEER (naut.), pay out + VEGETAL, vegetable; person full of life and vigour + VELLUTE, velvet + VELVET CUSTARD. Cf. "Taming of the Shrew," iv. 3, 82, "custard coffin," + coffin being the raised crust over a pie + VENT, vend, sell; give outlet to; scent snuff up + VENUE, bout (fencing term) + VERDUGO (Span.), hangman, executioner + VERGE, "in the --," within a certain distance of the court + VEX, agitate, torment + VICE, the buffoon of old moralities; some kind of machinery for moving a + puppet (Gifford) + VIE AND REVIE, to hazard a certain sum, and to cover it with a larger one. + + VINCENT AGAINST YORK, two heralds-at-arms + VINDICATE, avenge + VIRGE, wand, rod + VIRGINAL, old form of piano + VIRTUE, valour + VIVELY, in lifelike manner, livelily + VIZARD, mask + VOGUE, rumour, gossip + VOICE, vote + VOID, leave, quit + VOLARY, cage, aviary + VOLLEY, "at --," "o' the volee," at random (from a term of tennis) + VORLOFFE, furlough + + WADLOE, keeper of the Devil Tavern, where Jonson and his friends met in the + 'Apollo' room (Whalley) + WAIGHTS, waits, night musicians, "band of musical watchmen" (Webster), or + old form of "hautboys" + WANNION, "vengeance," "plague" (Nares) + WARD, a famous pirate + WARD, guard in fencing + WATCHET, pale, sky blue + WEAL, welfare + WEED, garment + WEFT, waif + WEIGHTS, "to the gold --," to every minute particular + WELKIN, sky + WELL-SPOKEN, of fair speech + WELL-TORNED, turned and polished, as on a wheel + WELT, hem, border of fur + WHER, whether + WHETSTONE, GEORGE, an author who lived 1544(?) to 1587(?) + WHIFF, a smoke, or drink; "taking the --," inhaling the tobacco smoke or + some such accomplishment + WHIGH-HIES, neighings, whinnyings + WHIMSY, whim, "humour" + WHINILING, (?) whining, weakly + WHIT, (?) a mere jot + WHITEMEAT, food made of milk or eggs + WICKED, bad, clumsy + WICKER, pliant, agile + WILDING, esp. fruit of wild apple or crab tree (Webster) + WINE, "I have the -- for you," Prov.: I have the perquisites (of the + office) which you are to share (Cunningham) + WINNY, "same as old word 'wonne', to stay, etc." (Whalley) + WISE-WOMAN, fortune-teller + WISH, recommend + WISS (WUSSE), "I --," certainly, of a truth + WITHHOUT, beyond + WITTY, cunning, ingenious, clever + WOOD, collection, lot + WOODCOCK, term of contempt + WOOLSACK ("-- pies"), name of tavern + WORT, unfermented beer + WOUNDY, great, extreme + WREAK, revenge + WROUGHT, wrought upon + WUSSE, interjection. (See Wiss) + + YEANLING, lamb, kid + + ZANY, an inferior clown, who attended upon the chief fool and mimicked his + tricks + + + + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 3695 ***
\ No newline at end of file diff --git a/3695-8.zip b/3695-8.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index cb3a121..0000000 --- a/3695-8.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/3695-h.zip b/3695-h.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index ffbdde2..0000000 --- a/3695-h.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/3695-h/3695-h.htm b/3695-h/3695-h.htm index a0e25aa..47f6f21 100644 --- a/3695-h/3695-h.htm +++ b/3695-h/3695-h.htm @@ -1,4 +1,4 @@ -<?xml version="1.0" encoding="iso-8859-1"?> +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?> <!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" @@ -32,40 +32,9 @@ </style> </head> <body> -<pre xml:space="preserve"> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Every Man Out Of His Humour, by Ben Jonson - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - -Title: Every Man Out Of His Humour - -Author: Ben Jonson - -Release Date: December 10, 2009 [EBook #3695] -Last Updated: January 9, 2013 - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK EVERY MAN OUT OF HIS HUMOUR *** - - - - -Produced by Sue Asscher, Amy E Zelmer, and David Widger - +<div style='text-align:center'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 3695 ***</div> - - - - -</pre> + <p> <br /><br /> </p> @@ -5578,7 +5547,7 @@ Produced by Sue Asscher, Amy E Zelmer, and David Widger SOG. Here is the gentleman, nephew, but not in such a suit. - FUNG. Another suit! + FUNG. Another suit! [HE SWOONS. SOG. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Every Man Out Of His Humour + +Author: Ben Jonson + +Release Date: December 10, 2009 [EBook #3695] +Last Updated: January 9, 2013 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK EVERY MAN OUT OF HIS HUMOUR *** + + + + +Produced by Sue Asscher, Amy E Zelmer, and David Widger + + + + + + +</pre> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + EVERY MAN OUT OF HIS HUMOUR + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <h2> + By Ben Jonson + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + Contents + </h2> + <table summary="" style="margin-right: auto; margin-left: auto"> + <tr> + <td> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_INTR"> INTRODUCTION </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> EVERY MAN OUT OF HIS HUMOUR </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> ACT I </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0004"> ACT II </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0005"> ACT III </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0006"> ACT IV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0007"> ACT V </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_GLOS"> GLOSSARY </a> + </p> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_INTR" id="link2H_INTR"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <h2> + INTRODUCTION + </h2> + <p> + THE greatest of English dramatists except Shakespeare, the first literary + dictator and poet-laureate, a writer of verse, prose, satire, and + criticism who most potently of all the men of his time affected the + subsequent course of English letters: such was Ben Jonson, and as such his + strong personality assumes an interest to us almost unparalleled, at least + in his age. + </p> + <p> + Ben Jonson came of the stock that was centuries after to give to the world + Thomas Carlyle; for Jonson's grandfather was of Annandale, over the + Solway, whence he migrated to England. Jonson's father lost his estate + under Queen Mary, "having been cast into prison and forfeited." He entered + the church, but died a month before his illustrious son was born, leaving + his widow and child in poverty. Jonson's birthplace was Westminster, and + the time of his birth early in 1573. He was thus nearly ten years + Shakespeare's junior, and less well off, if a trifle better born. But + Jonson did not profit even by this slight advantage. His mother married + beneath her, a wright or bricklayer, and Jonson was for a time apprenticed + to the trade. As a youth he attracted the attention of the famous + antiquary, William Camden, then usher at Westminster School, and there the + poet laid the solid foundations of his classical learning. Jonson always + held Camden in veneration, acknowledging that to him he owed, + </p> + <p> + "All that I am in arts, all that I know;" + </p> + <p> + and dedicating his first dramatic success, "Every Man in His Humour," to + him. It is doubtful whether Jonson ever went to either university, though + Fuller says that he was "statutably admitted into St. John's College, + Cambridge." He tells us that he took no degree, but was later "Master of + Arts in both the universities, by their favour, not his study." When a + mere youth Jonson enlisted as a soldier, trailing his pike in Flanders in + the protracted wars of William the Silent against the Spanish. Jonson was + a large and raw-boned lad; he became by his own account in time + exceedingly bulky. In chat with his friend William Drummond of + Hawthornden, Jonson told how "in his service in the Low Countries he had, + in the face of both the camps, killed an enemy, and taken opima spolia + from him;" and how "since his coming to England, being appealed to the + fields, he had killed his adversary which had hurt him in the arm and + whose sword was ten inches longer than his." Jonson's reach may have made + up for the lack of his sword; certainly his prowess lost nothing in the + telling. Obviously Jonson was brave, combative, and not averse to talking + of himself and his doings. + </p> + <p> + In 1592, Jonson returned from abroad penniless. Soon after he married, + almost as early and quite as imprudently as Shakespeare. He told Drummond + curtly that "his wife was a shrew, yet honest"; for some years he lived + apart from her in the household of Lord Albany. Yet two touching epitaphs + among Jonson's "Epigrams," "On my first daughter," and "On my first son," + attest the warmth of the poet's family affections. The daughter died in + infancy, the son of the plague; another son grew up to manhood little + credit to his father whom he survived. We know nothing beyond this of + Jonson's domestic life. + </p> + <p> + How soon Jonson drifted into what we now call grandly "the theatrical + profession" we do not know. In 1593, Marlowe made his tragic exit from + life, and Greene, Shakespeare's other rival on the popular stage, had + preceded Marlowe in an equally miserable death the year before. + Shakespeare already had the running to himself. Jonson appears first in + the employment of Philip Henslowe, the exploiter of several troupes of + players, manager, and father-in-law of the famous actor, Edward Alleyn. + From entries in "Henslowe's Diary," a species of theatrical account book + which has been handed down to us, we know that Jonson was connected with + the Admiral's men; for he borrowed 4 pounds of Henslowe, July 28, 1597, + paying back 3s. 9d. on the same day on account of his "share" (in what is + not altogether clear); while later, on December 3, of the same year, + Henslowe advanced 20s. to him "upon a book which he showed the plot unto + the company which he promised to deliver unto the company at Christmas + next." In the next August Jonson was in collaboration with Chettle and + Porter in a play called "Hot Anger Soon Cold." All this points to an + association with Henslowe of some duration, as no mere tyro would be thus + paid in advance upon mere promise. From allusions in Dekker's play, + "Satiromastix," it appears that Jonson, like Shakespeare, began life as an + actor, and that he "ambled in a leather pitch by a play-wagon" taking at + one time the part of Hieronimo in Kyd's famous play, "The Spanish + Tragedy." By the beginning of 1598, Jonson, though still in needy + circumstances, had begun to receive recognition. Francis Meres — + well known for his "Comparative Discourse of our English Poets with the + Greek, Latin, and Italian Poets," printed in 1598, and for his mention + therein of a dozen plays of Shakespeare by title — accords to Ben + Jonson a place as one of "our best in tragedy," a matter of some surprise, + as no known tragedy of Jonson from so early a date has come down to us. + That Jonson was at work on tragedy, however, is proved by the entries in + Henslowe of at least three tragedies, now lost, in which he had a hand. + These are "Page of Plymouth," "King Robert II. of Scotland," and "Richard + Crookback." But all of these came later, on his return to Henslowe, and + range from August 1599 to June 1602. + </p> + <p> + Returning to the autumn of 1598, an event now happened to sever for a time + Jonson's relations with Henslowe. In a letter to Alleyn, dated September + 26 of that year, Henslowe writes: "I have lost one of my company that + hurteth me greatly; that is Gabriel [Spencer], for he is slain in Hogsden + fields by the hands of Benjamin Jonson, bricklayer." The last word is + perhaps Henslowe's thrust at Jonson in his displeasure rather than a + designation of his actual continuance at his trade up to this time. It is + fair to Jonson to remark however, that his adversary appears to have been + a notorious fire-eater who had shortly before killed one Feeke in a + similar squabble. Duelling was a frequent occurrence of the time among + gentlemen and the nobility; it was an impudent breach of the peace on the + part of a player. This duel is the one which Jonson described years after + to Drummond, and for it Jonson was duly arraigned at Old Bailey, tried, + and convicted. He was sent to prison and such goods and chattels as he had + "were forfeited." It is a thought to give one pause that, but for the + ancient law permitting convicted felons to plead, as it was called, the + benefit of clergy, Jonson might have been hanged for this deed. The + circumstance that the poet could read and write saved him; and he received + only a brand of the letter "T," for Tyburn, on his left thumb. While in + jail Jonson became a Roman Catholic; but he returned to the faith of the + Church of England a dozen years later. + </p> + <p> + On his release, in disgrace with Henslowe and his former associates, + Jonson offered his services as a playwright to Henslowe's rivals, the Lord + Chamberlain's company, in which Shakespeare was a prominent shareholder. A + tradition of long standing, though not susceptible of proof in a court of + law, narrates that Jonson had submitted the manuscript of "Every Man in + His Humour" to the Chamberlain's men and had received from the company a + refusal; that Shakespeare called him back, read the play himself, and at + once accepted it. Whether this story is true or not, certain it is that + "Every Man in His Humour" was accepted by Shakespeare's company and acted + for the first time in 1598, with Shakespeare taking a part. The evidence + of this is contained in the list of actors prefixed to the comedy in the + folio of Jonson's works, 1616. But it is a mistake to infer, because + Shakespeare's name stands first in the list of actors and the elder + Kno'well first in the dramatis personae, that Shakespeare took that + particular part. The order of a list of Elizabethan players was generally + that of their importance or priority as shareholders in the company and + seldom if ever corresponded to the list of characters. + </p> + <p> + "Every Man in His Humour" was an immediate success, and with it Jonson's + reputation as one of the leading dramatists of his time was established + once and for all. This could have been by no means Jonson's earliest + comedy, and we have just learned that he was already reputed one of "our + best in tragedy." Indeed, one of Jonson's extant comedies, "The Case is + Altered," but one never claimed by him or published as his, must certainly + have preceded "Every Man in His Humour" on the stage. The former play may + be described as a comedy modelled on the Latin plays of Plautus. (It + combines, in fact, situations derived from the "Captivi" and the + "Aulularia" of that dramatist). But the pretty story of the beggar-maiden, + Rachel, and her suitors, Jonson found, not among the classics, but in the + ideals of romantic love which Shakespeare had already popularised on the + stage. Jonson never again produced so fresh and lovable a feminine + personage as Rachel, although in other respects "The Case is Altered" is + not a conspicuous play, and, save for the satirising of Antony Munday in + the person of Antonio Balladino and Gabriel Harvey as well, is perhaps the + least characteristic of the comedies of Jonson. + </p> + <p> + "Every Man in His Humour," probably first acted late in the summer of 1598 + and at the Curtain, is commonly regarded as an epoch-making play; and this + view is not unjustified. As to plot, it tells little more than how an + intercepted letter enabled a father to follow his supposedly studious son + to London, and there observe his life with the gallants of the time. The + real quality of this comedy is in its personages and in the theory upon + which they are conceived. Ben Jonson had theories about poetry and the + drama, and he was neither chary in talking of them nor in experimenting + with them in his plays. This makes Jonson, like Dryden in his time, and + Wordsworth much later, an author to reckon with; particularly when we + remember that many of Jonson's notions came for a time definitely to + prevail and to modify the whole trend of English poetry. First of all + Jonson was a classicist, that is, he believed in restraint and precedent + in art in opposition to the prevalent ungoverned and irresponsible + Renaissance spirit. Jonson believed that there was a professional way of + doing things which might be reached by a study of the best examples, and + he found these examples for the most part among the ancients. To confine + our attention to the drama, Jonson objected to the amateurishness and + haphazard nature of many contemporary plays, and set himself to do + something different; and the first and most striking thing that he evolved + was his conception and practice of the comedy of humours. + </p> + <p> + As Jonson has been much misrepresented in this matter, let us quote his + own words as to "humour." A humour, according to Jonson, was a bias of + disposition, a warp, so to speak, in character by which + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + "Some one peculiar quality + Doth so possess a man, that it doth draw + All his affects, his spirits, and his powers, + In their confluctions, all to run one way." +</pre> + <p> + But continuing, Jonson is careful to add: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + "But that a rook by wearing a pied feather, + The cable hat-band, or the three-piled ruff, + A yard of shoe-tie, or the Switzers knot + On his French garters, should affect a humour! + O, it is more than most ridiculous." +</pre> + <p> + Jonson's comedy of humours, in a word, conceived of stage personages on + the basis of a ruling trait or passion (a notable simplification of actual + life be it observed in passing); and, placing these typified traits in + juxtaposition in their conflict and contrast, struck the spark of comedy. + Downright, as his name indicates, is "a plain squire"; Bobadill's humour + is that of the braggart who is incidentally, and with delightfully comic + effect, a coward; Brainworm's humour is the finding out of things to the + end of fooling everybody: of course he is fooled in the end himself. But + it was not Jonson's theories alone that made the success of "Every Man in + His Humour." The play is admirably written and each character is vividly + conceived, and with a firm touch based on observation of the men of the + London of the day. Jonson was neither in this, his first great comedy (nor + in any other play that he wrote), a supine classicist, urging that English + drama return to a slavish adherence to classical conditions. He says as to + the laws of the old comedy (meaning by "laws," such matters as the unities + of time and place and the use of chorus): "I see not then, but we should + enjoy the same licence, or free power to illustrate and heighten our + invention as they [the ancients] did; and not be tied to those strict and + regular forms which the niceness of a few, who are nothing but form, would + thrust upon us." "Every Man in His Humour" is written in prose, a novel + practice which Jonson had of his predecessor in comedy, John Lyly. Even + the word "humour" seems to have been employed in the Jonsonian sense by + Chapman before Jonson's use of it. Indeed, the comedy of humours itself is + only a heightened variety of the comedy of manners which represents life, + viewed at a satirical angle, and is the oldest and most persistent species + of comedy in the language. None the less, Jonson's comedy merited its + immediate success and marked out a definite course in which comedy long + continued to run. To mention only Shakespeare's Falstaff and his rout, + Bardolph, Pistol, Dame Quickly, and the rest, whether in "Henry IV." or in + "The Merry Wives of Windsor," all are conceived in the spirit of humours. + So are the captains, Welsh, Scotch, and Irish of "Henry V.," and Malvolio + especially later; though Shakespeare never employed the method of humours + for an important personage. It was not Jonson's fault that many of his + successors did precisely the thing that he had reprobated, that is, + degrade the humour: into an oddity of speech, an eccentricity of manner, + of dress, or cut of beard. There was an anonymous play called "Every Woman + in Her Humour." Chapman wrote "A Humourous Day's Mirth," Day, "Humour Out + of Breath," Fletcher later, "The Humourous Lieutenant," and Jonson, + besides "Every Man Out of His Humour," returned to the title in closing + the cycle of his comedies in "The Magnetic Lady or Humours Reconciled." + </p> + <p> + With the performance of "Every Man Out of His Humour" in 1599, by + Shakespeare's company once more at the Globe, we turn a new page in + Jonson's career. Despite his many real virtues, if there is one feature + more than any other that distinguishes Jonson, it is his arrogance; and to + this may be added his self-righteousness, especially under criticism or + satire. "Every Man Out of His Humour" is the first of three "comical + satires" which Jonson contributed to what Dekker called the poetomachia or + war of the theatres as recent critics have named it. This play as a fabric + of plot is a very slight affair; but as a satirical picture of the manners + of the time, proceeding by means of vivid caricature, couched in witty and + brilliant dialogue and sustained by that righteous indignation which must + lie at the heart of all true satire — as a realisation, in short, of + the classical ideal of comedy — there had been nothing like Jonson's + comedy since the days of Aristophanes. "Every Man in His Humour," like the + two plays that follow it, contains two kinds of attack, the critical or + generally satiric, levelled at abuses and corruptions in the abstract; and + the personal, in which specific application is made of all this in the + lampooning of poets and others, Jonson's contemporaries. The method of + personal attack by actual caricature of a person on the stage is almost as + old as the drama. Aristophanes so lampooned Euripides in "The Acharnians" + and Socrates in "The Clouds," to mention no other examples; and in English + drama this kind of thing is alluded to again and again. What Jonson really + did, was to raise the dramatic lampoon to an art, and make out of a casual + burlesque and bit of mimicry a dramatic satire of literary pretensions and + permanency. With the arrogant attitude mentioned above and his uncommon + eloquence in scorn, vituperation, and invective, it is no wonder that + Jonson soon involved himself in literary and even personal quarrels with + his fellow-authors. The circumstances of the origin of this 'poetomachia' + are far from clear, and those who have written on the topic, except of + late, have not helped to make them clearer. The origin of the "war" has + been referred to satirical references, apparently to Jonson, contained in + "The Scourge of Villainy," a satire in regular form after the manner of + the ancients by John Marston, a fellow playwright, subsequent friend and + collaborator of Jonson's. On the other hand, epigrams of Jonson have been + discovered (49, 68, and 100) variously charging "playwright" (reasonably + identified with Marston) with scurrility, cowardice, and plagiarism; + though the dates of the epigrams cannot be ascertained with certainty. + Jonson's own statement of the matter to Drummond runs: "He had many + quarrels with Marston, beat him, and took his pistol from him, wrote his + "Poetaster" on him; the beginning[s] of them were that Marston represented + him on the stage."* + </p> + <p> + [footnote] *The best account of this whole subject is to be found in the + edition of "Poetaster" and "Satiromastrix" by J. H. Penniman in "Belles + Lettres Series" shortly to appear. See also his earlier work, "The War of + the Theatres," 1892, and the excellent contributions to the subject by H. + C. Hart in "Notes and Queries," and in his edition of Jonson, 1906. + </p> + <p> + Here at least we are on certain ground; and the principals of the quarrel + are known. "Histriomastix," a play revised by Marston in 1598, has been + regarded as the one in which Jonson was thus "represented on the stage"; + although the personage in question, Chrisogonus, a poet, satirist, and + translator, poor but proud, and contemptuous of the common herd, seems + rather a complimentary portrait of Jonson than a caricature. As to the + personages actually ridiculed in "Every Man Out of His Humour," Carlo + Buffone was formerly thought certainly to be Marston, as he was described + as "a public, scurrilous, and profane jester," and elsewhere as the grand + scourge or second untruss [that is, satirist], of the time (Joseph Hall + being by his own boast the first, and Marston's work being entitled "The + Scourge of Villainy"). Apparently we must now prefer for Carlo a notorious + character named Charles Chester, of whom gossipy and inaccurate Aubrey + relates that he was "a bold impertinent fellow...a perpetual talker and + made a noise like a drum in a room. So one time at a tavern Sir Walter + Raleigh beats him and seals up his mouth (that is his upper and nether + beard) with hard wax. From him Ben Jonson takes his Carlo Buffone ['i.e.', + jester] in "Every Man in His Humour" ['sic']." Is it conceivable that + after all Jonson was ridiculing Marston, and that the point of the satire + consisted in an intentional confusion of "the grand scourge or second + untruss" with "the scurrilous and profane" Chester? + </p> + <p> + We have digressed into detail in this particular case to exemplify the + difficulties of criticism in its attempts to identify the allusions in + these forgotten quarrels. We are on sounder ground of fact in recording + other manifestations of Jonson's enmity. In "The Case is Altered" there is + clear ridicule in the character Antonio Balladino of Anthony Munday, + pageant-poet of the city, translator of romances and playwright as well. + In "Every Man in His Humour" there is certainly a caricature of Samuel + Daniel, accepted poet of the court, sonneteer, and companion of men of + fashion. These men held recognised positions to which Jonson felt his + talents better entitled him; they were hence to him his natural enemies. + It seems almost certain that he pursued both in the personages of his + satire through "Every Man Out of His Humour," and "Cynthia's Revels," + Daniel under the characters Fastidious Brisk and Hedon, Munday as + Puntarvolo and Amorphus; but in these last we venture on quagmire once + more. Jonson's literary rivalry of Daniel is traceable again and again, in + the entertainments that welcomed King James on his way to London, in the + masques at court, and in the pastoral drama. As to Jonson's personal + ambitions with respect to these two men, it is notable that he became, not + pageant-poet, but chronologer to the City of London; and that, on the + accession of the new king, he came soon to triumph over Daniel as the + accepted entertainer of royalty. + </p> + <p> + "Cynthia's Revels," the second "comical satire," was acted in 1600, and, + as a play, is even more lengthy, elaborate, and impossible than "Every Man + Out of His Humour." Here personal satire seems to have absorbed + everything, and while much of the caricature is admirable, especially in + the detail of witty and trenchantly satirical dialogue, the central idea + of a fountain of self-love is not very well carried out, and the persons + revert at times to abstractions, the action to allegory. It adds to our + wonder that this difficult drama should have been acted by the Children of + Queen Elizabeth's Chapel, among them Nathaniel Field with whom Jonson read + Horace and Martial, and whom he taught later how to make plays. Another of + these precocious little actors was Salathiel Pavy, who died before he was + thirteen, already famed for taking the parts of old men. Him Jonson + immortalised in one of the sweetest of his epitaphs. An interesting + sidelight is this on the character of this redoubtable and rugged + satirist, that he should thus have befriended and tenderly remembered + these little theatrical waifs, some of whom (as we know) had been + literally kidnapped to be pressed into the service of the theatre and + whipped to the conning of their difficult parts. To the caricature of + Daniel and Munday in "Cynthia's Revels" must be added Anaides (impudence), + here assuredly Marston, and Asotus (the prodigal), interpreted as Lodge + or, more perilously, Raleigh. Crites, like Asper-Macilente in "Every Man + Out of His Humour," is Jonson's self-complaisant portrait of himself, the + just, wholly admirable, and judicious scholar, holding his head high above + the pack of the yelping curs of envy and detraction, but careless of their + puny attacks on his perfections with only too mindful a neglect. + </p> + <p> + The third and last of the "comical satires" is "Poetaster," acted, once + more, by the Children of the Chapel in 1601, and Jonson's only avowed + contribution to the fray. According to the author's own account, this play + was written in fifteen weeks on a report that his enemies had entrusted to + Dekker the preparation of "Satiromastix, the Untrussing of the Humorous + Poet," a dramatic attack upon himself. In this attempt to forestall his + enemies Jonson succeeded, and "Poetaster" was an immediate and deserved + success. While hardly more closely knit in structure than its earlier + companion pieces, "Poetaster" is planned to lead up to the ludicrous final + scene in which, after a device borrowed from the "Lexiphanes" of Lucian, + the offending poetaster, Marston-Crispinus, is made to throw up the + difficult words with which he had overburdened his stomach as well as + overlarded his vocabulary. In the end Crispinus with his fellow, + Dekker-Demetrius, is bound over to keep the peace and never thenceforward + "malign, traduce, or detract the person or writings of Quintus Horatius + Flaccus [Jonson] or any other eminent man transcending you in merit." One + of the most diverting personages in Jonson's comedy is Captain Tucca. "His + peculiarity" has been well described by Ward as "a buoyant blackguardism + which recovers itself instantaneously from the most complete exposure, and + a picturesqueness of speech like that of a walking dictionary of slang." + </p> + <p> + It was this character, Captain Tucca, that Dekker hit upon in his reply, + "Satiromastix," and he amplified him, turning his abusive vocabulary back + upon Jonson and adding "an immodesty to his dialogue that did not enter + into Jonson's conception." It has been held, altogether plausibly, that + when Dekker was engaged professionally, so to speak, to write a dramatic + reply to Jonson, he was at work on a species of chronicle history, dealing + with the story of Walter Terill in the reign of William Rufus. This he + hurriedly adapted to include the satirical characters suggested by + "Poetaster," and fashioned to convey the satire of his reply. The + absurdity of placing Horace in the court of a Norman king is the result. + But Dekker's play is not without its palpable hits at the arrogance, the + literary pride, and self-righteousness of Jonson-Horace, whose "ningle" or + pal, the absurd Asinius Bubo, has recently been shown to figure forth, in + all likelihood, Jonson's friend, the poet Drayton. Slight and hastily + adapted as is "Satiromastix," especially in a comparison with the better + wrought and more significant satire of "Poetaster," the town awarded the + palm to Dekker, not to Jonson; and Jonson gave over in consequence his + practice of "comical satire." Though Jonson was cited to appear before the + Lord Chief Justice to answer certain charges to the effect that he had + attacked lawyers and soldiers in "Poetaster," nothing came of this + complaint. It may be suspected that much of this furious clatter and + give-and-take was pure playing to the gallery. The town was agog with the + strife, and on no less an authority than Shakespeare ("Hamlet," ii. 2), we + learn that the children's company (acting the plays of Jonson) did "so + berattle the common stages...that many, wearing rapiers, are afraid of + goose-quills, and dare scarce come thither." + </p> + <p> + Several other plays have been thought to bear a greater or less part in + the war of the theatres. Among them the most important is a college play, + entitled "The Return from Parnassus," dating 1601-02. In it a much-quoted + passage makes Burbage, as a character, declare: "Why here's our fellow + Shakespeare puts them all down; aye and Ben Jonson, too. O that Ben Jonson + is a pestilent fellow; he brought up Horace, giving the poets a pill, but + our fellow Shakespeare hath given him a purge that made him bewray his + credit." Was Shakespeare then concerned in this war of the stages? And + what could have been the nature of this "purge"? Among several + suggestions, "Troilus and Cressida" has been thought by some to be the + play in which Shakespeare thus "put down" his friend, Jonson. A wiser + interpretation finds the "purge" in "Satiromastix," which, though not + written by Shakespeare, was staged by his company, and therefore with his + approval and under his direction as one of the leaders of that company. + </p> + <p> + The last years of the reign of Elizabeth thus saw Jonson recognised as a + dramatist second only to Shakespeare, and not second even to him as a + dramatic satirist. But Jonson now turned his talents to new fields. Plays + on subjects derived from classical story and myth had held the stage from + the beginning of the drama, so that Shakespeare was making no new + departure when he wrote his "Julius Caesar" about 1600. Therefore when + Jonson staged "Sejanus," three years later and with Shakespeare's company + once more, he was only following in the elder dramatist's footsteps. But + Jonson's idea of a play on classical history, on the one hand, and + Shakespeare's and the elder popular dramatists, on the other, were very + different. Heywood some years before had put five straggling plays on the + stage in quick succession, all derived from stories in Ovid and dramatised + with little taste or discrimination. Shakespeare had a finer conception of + form, but even he was contented to take all his ancient history from + North's translation of Plutarch and dramatise his subject without further + inquiry. Jonson was a scholar and a classical antiquarian. He reprobated + this slipshod amateurishness, and wrote his "Sejanus" like a scholar, + reading Tacitus, Suetonius, and other authorities, to be certain of his + facts, his setting, and his atmosphere, and somewhat pedantically noting + his authorities in the margin when he came to print. "Sejanus" is a + tragedy of genuine dramatic power in which is told with discriminating + taste the story of the haughty favourite of Tiberius with his tragical + overthrow. Our drama presents no truer nor more painstaking representation + of ancient Roman life than may be found in Jonson's "Sejanus" and + "Catiline his Conspiracy," which followed in 1611. A passage in the + address of the former play to the reader, in which Jonson refers to a + collaboration in an earlier version, has led to the surmise that + Shakespeare may have been that "worthier pen." There is no evidence to + determine the matter. + </p> + <p> + In 1605, we find Jonson in active collaboration with Chapman and Marston + in the admirable comedy of London life entitled "Eastward Hoe." In the + previous year, Marston had dedicated his "Malcontent," in terms of fervid + admiration, to Jonson; so that the wounds of the war of the theatres must + have been long since healed. Between Jonson and Chapman there was the + kinship of similar scholarly ideals. The two continued friends throughout + life. "Eastward Hoe" achieved the extraordinary popularity represented in + a demand for three issues in one year. But this was not due entirely to + the merits of the play. In its earliest version a passage which an + irritable courtier conceived to be derogatory to his nation, the Scots, + sent both Chapman and Jonson to jail; but the matter was soon patched up, + for by this time Jonson had influence at court. + </p> + <p> + With the accession of King James, Jonson began his long and successful + career as a writer of masques. He wrote more masques than all his + competitors together, and they are of an extraordinary variety and poetic + excellence. Jonson did not invent the masque; for such premeditated + devices to set and frame, so to speak, a court ball had been known and + practised in varying degrees of elaboration long before his time. But + Jonson gave dramatic value to the masque, especially in his invention of + the antimasque, a comedy or farcical element of relief, entrusted to + professional players or dancers. He enhanced, as well, the beauty and + dignity of those portions of the masque in which noble lords and ladies + took their parts to create, by their gorgeous costumes and artistic + grouping and evolutions, a sumptuous show. On the mechanical and scenic + side Jonson had an inventive and ingenious partner in Inigo Jones, the + royal architect, who more than any one man raised the standard of stage + representation in the England of his day. Jonson continued active in the + service of the court in the writing of masques and other entertainments + far into the reign of King Charles; but, towards the end, a quarrel with + Jones embittered his life, and the two testy old men appear to have become + not only a constant irritation to each other, but intolerable bores at + court. In "Hymenaei," "The Masque of Queens," "Love Freed from Ignorance," + "Lovers made Men," "Pleasure Reconciled to Virtue," and many more will be + found Jonson's aptitude, his taste, his poetry and inventiveness in these + by-forms of the drama; while in "The Masque of Christmas," and "The + Gipsies Metamorphosed" especially, is discoverable that power of broad + comedy which, at court as well as in the city, was not the least element + of Jonson's contemporary popularity. + </p> + <p> + But Jonson had by no means given up the popular stage when he turned to + the amusement of King James. In 1605 "Volpone" was produced, "The Silent + Woman" in 1609, "The Alchemist" in the following year. These comedies, + with "Bartholomew Fair," 1614, represent Jonson at his height, and for + constructive cleverness, character successfully conceived in the manner of + caricature, wit and brilliancy of dialogue, they stand alone in English + drama. "Volpone, or the Fox," is, in a sense, a transition play from the + dramatic satires of the war of the theatres to the purer comedy + represented in the plays named above. Its subject is a struggle of wit + applied to chicanery; for among its dramatis personae, from the villainous + Fox himself, his rascally servant Mosca, Voltore (the vulture), Corbaccio + and Corvino (the big and the little raven), to Sir Politic Would-be and + the rest, there is scarcely a virtuous character in the play. Question has + been raised as to whether a story so forbidding can be considered a + comedy, for, although the plot ends in the discomfiture and imprisonment + of the most vicious, it involves no mortal catastrophe. But Jonson was on + sound historical ground, for "Volpone" is conceived far more logically on + the lines of the ancients' theory of comedy than was ever the romantic + drama of Shakespeare, however repulsive we may find a philosophy of life + that facilely divides the world into the rogues and their dupes, and, + identifying brains with roguery and innocence with folly, admires the + former while inconsistently punishing them. + </p> + <p> + "The Silent Woman" is a gigantic farce of the most ingenious construction. + The whole comedy hinges on a huge joke, played by a heartless nephew on + his misanthropic uncle, who is induced to take to himself a wife, young, + fair, and warranted silent, but who, in the end, turns out neither silent + nor a woman at all. In "The Alchemist," again, we have the utmost + cleverness in construction, the whole fabric building climax on climax, + witty, ingenious, and so plausibly presented that we forget its departures + from the possibilities of life. In "The Alchemist" Jonson represented, + none the less to the life, certain sharpers of the metropolis, revelling + in their shrewdness and rascality and in the variety of the stupidity and + wickedness of their victims. We may object to the fact that the only + person in the play possessed of a scruple of honesty is discomfited, and + that the greatest scoundrel of all is approved in the end and rewarded. + The comedy is so admirably written and contrived, the personages stand out + with such lifelike distinctness in their several kinds, and the whole is + animated with such verve and resourcefulness that "The Alchemist" is a new + marvel every time it is read. Lastly of this group comes the tremendous + comedy, "Bartholomew Fair," less clear cut, less definite, and less + structurally worthy of praise than its three predecessors, but full of the + keenest and cleverest of satire and inventive to a degree beyond any + English comedy save some other of Jonson's own. It is in "Bartholomew + Fair" that we are presented to the immortal caricature of the Puritan, + Zeal-in-the-Land Busy, and the Littlewits that group about him, and it is + in this extraordinary comedy that the humour of Jonson, always open to + this danger, loosens into the Rabelaisian mode that so delighted King + James in "The Gipsies Metamorphosed." Another comedy of less merit is "The + Devil is an Ass," acted in 1616. It was the failure of this play that + caused Jonson to give over writing for the public stage for a period of + nearly ten years. + </p> + <p> + "Volpone" was laid as to scene in Venice. Whether because of the success + of "Eastward Hoe" or for other reasons, the other three comedies declare + in the words of the prologue to "The Alchemist": + </p> + <p> + "Our scene is London, 'cause we would make known No country's mirth is + better than our own." + </p> + <p> + Indeed Jonson went further when he came to revise his plays for collected + publication in his folio of 1616, he transferred the scene of "Every Man + in His Humour" from Florence to London also, converting Signior Lorenzo di + Pazzi to Old Kno'well, Prospero to Master Welborn, and Hesperida to Dame + Kitely "dwelling i' the Old Jewry." + </p> + <p> + In his comedies of London life, despite his trend towards caricature, + Jonson has shown himself a genuine realist, drawing from the life about + him with an experience and insight rare in any generation. A happy + comparison has been suggested between Ben Jonson and Charles Dickens. Both + were men of the people, lowly born and hardly bred. Each knew the London + of his time as few men knew it; and each represented it intimately and in + elaborate detail. Both men were at heart moralists, seeking the truth by + the exaggerated methods of humour and caricature; perverse, even + wrong-headed at times, but possessed of a true pathos and largeness of + heart, and when all has been said — though the Elizabethan ran to + satire, the Victorian to sentimentality — leaving the world better + for the art that they practised in it. + </p> + <p> + In 1616, the year of the death of Shakespeare, Jonson collected his plays, + his poetry, and his masques for publication in a collective edition. This + was an unusual thing at the time and had been attempted by no dramatist + before Jonson. This volume published, in a carefully revised text, all the + plays thus far mentioned, excepting "The Case is Altered," which Jonson + did not acknowledge, "Bartholomew Fair," and "The Devil is an Ass," which + was written too late. It included likewise a book of some hundred and + thirty odd "Epigrams," in which form of brief and pungent writing Jonson + was an acknowledged master; "The Forest," a smaller collection of lyric + and occasional verse and some ten "Masques" and "Entertainments." In this + same year Jonson was made poet laureate with a pension of one hundred + marks a year. This, with his fees and returns from several noblemen, and + the small earnings of his plays must have formed the bulk of his income. + The poet appears to have done certain literary hack-work for others, as, + for example, parts of the Punic Wars contributed to Raleigh's "History of + the World." We know from a story, little to the credit of either, that + Jonson accompanied Raleigh's son abroad in the capacity of a tutor. In + 1618 Jonson was granted the reversion of the office of Master of the + Revels, a post for which he was peculiarly fitted; but he did not live to + enjoy its perquisites. Jonson was honoured with degrees by both + universities, though when and under what circumstances is not known. It + has been said that he narrowly escaped the honour of knighthood, which the + satirists of the day averred King James was wont to lavish with an + indiscriminate hand. Worse men were made knights in his day than worthy + Ben Jonson. + </p> + <p> + From 1616 to the close of the reign of King James, Jonson produced nothing + for the stage. But he "prosecuted" what he calls "his wonted studies" with + such assiduity that he became in reality, as by report, one of the most + learned men of his time. Jonson's theory of authorship involved a wide + acquaintance with books and "an ability," as he put it, "to convert the + substance or riches of another poet to his own use." Accordingly Jonson + read not only the Greek and Latin classics down to the lesser writers, but + he acquainted himself especially with the Latin writings of his learned + contemporaries, their prose as well as their poetry, their antiquities and + curious lore as well as their more solid learning. Though a poor man, + Jonson was an indefatigable collector of books. He told Drummond that "the + Earl of Pembroke sent him 20 pounds every first day of the new year to buy + new books." Unhappily, in 1623, his library was destroyed by fire, an + accident serio-comically described in his witty poem, "An Execration upon + Vulcan." Yet even now a book turns up from time to time in which is + inscribed, in fair large Italian lettering, the name, Ben Jonson. With + respect to Jonson's use of his material, Dryden said memorably of him: + "[He] was not only a professed imitator of Horace, but a learned plagiary + of all the others; you track him everywhere in their snow....But he has + done his robberies so openly that one sees he fears not to be taxed by any + law. He invades authors like a monarch, and what would be theft in other + poets is only victory in him." And yet it is but fair to say that Jonson + prided himself, and justly, on his originality. In "Catiline," he not only + uses Sallust's account of the conspiracy, but he models some of the + speeches of Cicero on the Roman orator's actual words. In "Poetaster," he + lifts a whole satire out of Horace and dramatises it effectively for his + purposes. The sophist Libanius suggests the situation of "The Silent + Woman"; a Latin comedy of Giordano Bruno, "Il Candelaio," the relation of + the dupes and the sharpers in "The Alchemist," the "Mostellaria" of + Plautus, its admirable opening scene. But Jonson commonly bettered his + sources, and putting the stamp of his sovereignty on whatever bullion he + borrowed made it thenceforward to all time current and his own. + </p> + <p> + The lyric and especially the occasional poetry of Jonson has a peculiar + merit. His theory demanded design and the perfection of literary finish. + He was furthest from the rhapsodist and the careless singer of an idle + day; and he believed that Apollo could only be worthily served in singing + robes and laurel crowned. And yet many of Jonson's lyrics will live as + long as the language. Who does not know "Queen and huntress, chaste and + fair." "Drink to me only with thine eyes," or "Still to be neat, still to + be dressed"? Beautiful in form, deft and graceful in expression, with not + a word too much or one that bears not its part in the total effect, there + is yet about the lyrics of Jonson a certain stiffness and formality, a + suspicion that they were not quite spontaneous and unbidden, but that they + were carved, so to speak, with disproportionate labour by a potent man of + letters whose habitual thought is on greater things. It is for these + reasons that Jonson is even better in the epigram and in occasional verse + where rhetorical finish and pointed wit less interfere with the + spontaneity and emotion which we usually associate with lyrical poetry. + There are no such epitaphs as Ben Jonson's, witness the charming ones on + his own children, on Salathiel Pavy, the child-actor, and many more; and + this even though the rigid law of mine and thine must now restore to + William Browne of Tavistock the famous lines beginning: "Underneath this + sable hearse." Jonson is unsurpassed, too, in the difficult poetry of + compliment, seldom falling into fulsome praise and disproportionate + similitude, yet showing again and again a generous appreciation of worth + in others, a discriminating taste and a generous personal regard. There + was no man in England of his rank so well known and universally beloved as + Ben Jonson. The list of his friends, of those to whom he had written + verses, and those who had written verses to him, includes the name of + every man of prominence in the England of King James. And the tone of many + of these productions discloses an affectionate familiarity that speaks for + the amiable personality and sound worth of the laureate. In 1619, growing + unwieldy through inactivity, Jonson hit upon the heroic remedy of a + journey afoot to Scotland. On his way thither and back he was hospitably + received at the houses of many friends and by those to whom his friends + had recommended him. When he arrived in Edinburgh, the burgesses met to + grant him the freedom of the city, and Drummond, foremost of Scottish + poets, was proud to entertain him for weeks as his guest at Hawthornden. + Some of the noblest of Jonson's poems were inspired by friendship. Such is + the fine "Ode to the memory of Sir Lucius Cary and Sir Henry Moryson," and + that admirable piece of critical insight and filial affection, prefixed to + the first Shakespeare folio, "To the memory of my beloved master, William + Shakespeare, and what he hath left us," to mention only these. Nor can the + earlier "Epode," beginning "Not to know vice at all," be matched in + stately gravity and gnomic wisdom in its own wise and stately age. + </p> + <p> + But if Jonson had deserted the stage after the publication of his folio + and up to the end of the reign of King James, he was far from inactive; + for year after year his inexhaustible inventiveness continued to + contribute to the masquing and entertainment at court. In "The Golden Age + Restored," Pallas turns the Iron Age with its attendant evils into statues + which sink out of sight; in "Pleasure Reconciled to Virtue," Atlas figures + represented as an old man, his shoulders covered with snow, and Comus, + "the god of cheer or the belly," is one of the characters, a circumstance + which an imaginative boy of ten, named John Milton, was not to forget. + "Pan's Anniversary," late in the reign of James, proclaimed that Jonson + had not yet forgotten how to write exquisite lyrics, and "The Gipsies + Metamorphosed" displayed the old drollery and broad humorous stroke still + unimpaired and unmatchable. These, too, and the earlier years of Charles + were the days of the Apollo Room of the Devil Tavern where Jonson + presided, the absolute monarch of English literary Bohemia. We hear of a + room blazoned about with Jonson's own judicious "Leges Convivales" in + letters of gold, of a company made up of the choicest spirits of the time, + devotedly attached to their veteran dictator, his reminiscences, opinions, + affections, and enmities. And we hear, too, of valorous potations; but in + the words of Herrick addressed to his master, Jonson, at the Devil Tavern, + as at the Dog, the Triple Tun, and at the Mermaid, + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + "We such clusters had + As made us nobly wild, not mad, + And yet each verse of thine + Outdid the meat, outdid the frolic wine." +</pre> + <p> + But the patronage of the court failed in the days of King Charles, though + Jonson was not without royal favours; and the old poet returned to the + stage, producing, between 1625 and 1633, "The Staple of News," "The New + Inn," "The Magnetic Lady," and "The Tale of a Tub," the last doubtless + revised from a much earlier comedy. None of these plays met with any + marked success, although the scathing generalisation of Dryden that + designated them "Jonson's dotages" is unfair to their genuine merits. Thus + the idea of an office for the gathering, proper dressing, and promulgation + of news (wild flight of the fancy in its time) was an excellent subject + for satire on the existing absurdities among newsmongers; although as much + can hardly be said for "The Magnetic Lady," who, in her bounty, draws to + her personages of differing humours to reconcile them in the end according + to the alternative title, or "Humours Reconciled." These last plays of the + old dramatist revert to caricature and the hard lines of allegory; the + moralist is more than ever present, the satire degenerates into personal + lampoon, especially of his sometime friend, Inigo Jones, who appears + unworthily to have used his influence at court against the broken-down old + poet. And now disease claimed Jonson, and he was bedridden for months. He + had succeeded Middleton in 1628 as Chronologer to the City of London, but + lost the post for not fulfilling its duties. King Charles befriended him, + and even commissioned him to write still for the entertainment of the + court; and he was not without the sustaining hand of noble patrons and + devoted friends among the younger poets who were proud to be "sealed of + the tribe of Ben." + </p> + <p> + Jonson died, August 6, 1637, and a second folio of his works, which he had + been some time gathering, was printed in 1640, bearing in its various + parts dates ranging from 1630 to 1642. It included all the plays mentioned + in the foregoing paragraphs, excepting "The Case is Altered;" the masques, + some fifteen, that date between 1617 and 1630; another collection of + lyrics and occasional poetry called "Underwoods", including some further + entertainments; a translation of "Horace's Art of Poetry" (also published + in a vicesimo quarto in 1640), and certain fragments and ingatherings + which the poet would hardly have included himself. These last comprise the + fragment (less than seventy lines) of a tragedy called "Mortimer his + Fall," and three acts of a pastoral drama of much beauty and poetic + spirit, "The Sad Shepherd." There is also the exceedingly interesting + "English Grammar" "made by Ben Jonson for the benefit of all strangers out + of his observation of the English language now spoken and in use," in + Latin and English; and "Timber, or Discoveries" "made upon men and matter + as they have flowed out of his daily reading, or had their reflux to his + peculiar notion of the times." The "Discoveries," as it is usually called, + is a commonplace book such as many literary men have kept, in which their + reading was chronicled, passages that took their fancy translated or + transcribed, and their passing opinions noted. Many passages of Jonson's + "Discoveries" are literal translations from the authors he chanced to be + reading, with the reference, noted or not, as the accident of the moment + prescribed. At times he follows the line of Macchiavelli's argument as to + the nature and conduct of princes; at others he clarifies his own + conception of poetry and poets by recourse to Aristotle. He finds a choice + paragraph on eloquence in Seneca the elder and applies it to his own + recollection of Bacon's power as an orator; and another on facile and + ready genius, and translates it, adapting it to his recollection of his + fellow-playwright, Shakespeare. To call such passages — which Jonson + never intended for publication — plagiarism, is to obscure the + significance of words. To disparage his memory by citing them is a + preposterous use of scholarship. Jonson's prose, both in his dramas, in + the descriptive comments of his masques, and in the "Discoveries," is + characterised by clarity and vigorous directness, nor is it wanting in a + fine sense of form or in the subtler graces of diction. + </p> + <p> + When Jonson died there was a project for a handsome monument to his + memory. But the Civil War was at hand, and the project failed. A memorial, + not insufficient, was carved on the stone covering his grave in one of the + aisles of Westminster Abbey: + </p> + <p> + "O rare Ben Jonson." + </p> + <p> + FELIX E. SCHELLING. THE COLLEGE, PHILADELPHIA, U.S.A. <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + The following is a complete list of his published works: — + </p> + <p> + DRAMAS: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Every Man in his Humour, 4to, 1601; + The Case is Altered, 4to, 1609; + Every Man out of his Humour, 4to, 1600; + Cynthia's Revels, 4to, 1601; + Poetaster, 4to, 1602; + Sejanus, 4to, 1605; + Eastward Ho (with Chapman and Marston), 4to, 1605; + Volpone, 4to, 1607; + Epicoene, or the Silent Woman, 4to, 1609 (?), fol., 1616; + The Alchemist, 4to, 1612; + Catiline, his Conspiracy, 4to, 1611; + Bartholomew Fayre, 4to, 1614 (?), fol., 1631; + The Divell is an Asse, fol., 1631; + The Staple of Newes, fol., 1631; + The New Sun, 8vo, 1631, fol., 1692; + The Magnetic Lady, or Humours Reconcild, fol., 1640; + A Tale of a Tub, fol., 1640; + The Sad Shepherd, or a Tale of Robin Hood, fol., 1641; + Mortimer his Fall (fragment), fol., 1640. +</pre> + <p> + To Jonson have also been attributed additions to Kyd's Jeronymo, and + collaboration in The Widow with Fletcher and Middleton, and in the Bloody + Brother with Fletcher. + </p> + <p> + POEMS: + </p> + <p> + Epigrams, The Forrest, Underwoods, published in fols., 1616, 1640; + Selections: Execration against Vulcan, and Epigrams, 1640; G. Hor. Flaccus + his art of Poetry, Englished by Ben Jonson, 1640; Leges Convivialis, fol., + 1692. Other minor poems first appeared in Gifford's edition of Works. + </p> + <p> + PROSE: + </p> + <p> + Timber, or Discoveries made upon Men and Matter, fol., 1641; The English + Grammar, made by Ben Jonson for the benefit of Strangers, fol., 1640. + </p> + <p> + Masques and Entertainments were published in the early folios. + </p> + <p> + WORKS: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Fol., 1616, volume. 2, 1640 (1631-41); + fol., 1692, 1716-19, 1729; + edited by P. Whalley, 7 volumes., 1756; + by Gifford (with Memoir), 9 volumes., 1816, 1846; + re-edited by F. Cunningham, 3 volumes., 1871; + in 9 volumes., 1875; + by Barry Cornwall (with Memoir), 1838; + by B. Nicholson (Mermaid Series), with Introduction by + C. H. Herford, 1893, etc.; + Nine Plays, 1904; + ed. H. C. Hart (Standard Library), 1906, etc; + Plays and Poems, with Introduction by H. Morley (Universal + Library), 1885; + Plays (7) and Poems (Newnes), 1905; + Poems, with Memoir by H. Bennett (Carlton Classics), 1907; + Masques and Entertainments, ed. by H. Morley, 1890. +</pre> + <p> + SELECTIONS: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + J. A. Symonds, with Biographical and Critical Essay, + (Canterbury Poets), 1886; + Grosart, Brave Translunary Things, 1895; + Arber, Jonson Anthology, 1901; + Underwoods, Cambridge University Press, 1905; + Lyrics (Jonson, Beaumont and Fletcher), the Chap Books, + No. 4, 1906; + Songs (from Plays, Masques, etc.), with earliest known + setting, Eragny Press, 1906. +</pre> + <p> + LIFE: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + See Memoirs affixed to Works; + J. A. Symonds (English Worthies), 1886; + Notes of Ben Jonson Conversations with Drummond of Hawthornden; + Shakespeare Society, 1842; + ed. with Introduction and Notes by P. Sidney, 1906; + Swinburne, A Study of Ben Jonson, 1889. +</pre> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <h2> + EVERY MAN OUT OF HIS HUMOUR + </h2> + <p> + TO THE NOBLEST NURSERIES OF HUMANITY AND LIBERTY IN THE KINGDOM THE INNS + OF COURT + </p> + <p> + I UNDERSTAND you, Gentlemen, not your houses: and a worthy succession of + you, to all time, as being born the judges of these studies. When I wrote + this poem, I had friendship with divers in your societies; who, as they + were great names in learning, so they were no less examples of living. Of + them, and then, that I say no more, it was not despised. Now that the + printer, by a doubled charge, thinks it worthy a longer life than commonly + the air of such things doth promise, I am careful to put it a servant to + their pleasures, who are the inheritors of the first favour born it. Yet, + I command it lie not in the way of your more noble and useful studies to + the public: for so I shall suffer for it. But when the gown and cap is + off, and the lord of liberty reigns, then, to take it in your hands, + perhaps may make some bencher, tincted with humanity, read and not repent + him. + </p> + <p> + By your true honourer, + </p> + <p> + BEN JONSON. DRAMATIS PERSONAE + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + ASPER, the Presenter. + MACILENTE. + PUNTARVOLO, — his Lady. — Waiting Gent. — Huntsman. — + Servingmen. — Dog and Cat. + CARLO BUFFONE. + FASTIDIOUS BRISK, — Cinedo, his Page. + DELIRO, FALLACE, — Fido, their Servant. — Musicians. + SAVIOLINA. + SORDIDO. — His Hind. + FUNGOSO. — Tailor, Haberdasher, Shoemaker + SOGLIARDO. + SHIFT. — Rustics. + NOTARY. + CLOVE, ORANGE. — A Groom. — Drawers. — Constable, and Officers. + GREX. — CORDATUS — MITIS. +</pre> + <p> + THE CHARACTERS OF THE PERSONS + </p> + <p> + ASPER, he is of an ingenious and free spirit, eager and constant in + reproof, without fear controlling the world's abuses. One whom no servile + hope of gain, or frosty apprehension of danger, can make to be a parasite, + either to time, place, or opinion. + </p> + <p> + MACILENTE, a man well parted, a sufficient scholar, and travail'd; who, + wanting that place in the world's account which he thinks his merit + capable of, falls into such an envious apoplexy, with which his judgment + is so dazzled and distasted, that he grows violently impatient of any + opposite happiness in another. + </p> + <p> + PUNTARVOLO, a vain-glorious knight, over-englishing his travels, and + wholly consecrated to singularity; the very Jacob's staff of compliment; a + sir that hath lived to see the revolution of time in most of his apparel. + Of presence good enough, but so palpably affected to his own praise, that + for want of flatterers he commends himself, to the floutage of his own + family. He deals upon returns, and strange performances, resolving, in + despite of public derision, to stick to his own fashion, phrase, and + gesture. + </p> + <p> + CARLO BUFFONE, a public, scurrilous, and profane jester, that more swift + than Circe, with absurd similes, will transform any person into deformity. + A good feast-hound or banquet-beagle, that will scent you out a supper + some three miles off, and swear to his patrons, damn him! he came in oars, + when he was but wafted over in a sculler. A slave that hath an + extraordinary gift in pleasing his palate, and will swill up more sack at + a sitting than would make all the guard a posset. His religion is railing, + and his discourse ribaldry. + </p> + <p> + FASTIDIOUS BRISK, a neat, spruce, affecting courtier, one that wears + clothes well, and in fashion; practiseth by his glass how to salute; + speaks good remnants, notwithstanding the base viol and tobacco; swears + tersely and with variety; cares not what lady's favour he belies, or great + man's familiarity: a good property to perfume the boot of a coach. He will + borrow another man's horse to praise, and backs him as his own. Or, for a + need, on foot can post himself into credit with his merchant, only with + the gingle of his spur, and the jerk of his wand. + </p> + <p> + DELIRO, a good doting citizen, who, it is thought, might be of the + common-council for his wealth; a fellow sincerely besotted on his own + wife, and so wrapt with a conceit of her perfections, that he simply holds + himself unworthy of her. And, in that hood-wink'd humour, lives more like + a suitor than a husband; standing in as true dread of her displeasure, as + when he first made love to her. He doth sacrifice two-pence in juniper to + her every morning before she rises, and wakes her with + villainous-out-of-tune music, which she out of her contempt (though not + out of her judgment) is sure to dislike. + </p> + <p> + FALLACE, Deliro's wife, and idol; a proud mincing peat, and as perverse as + he is officious. She dotes as perfectly upon the courtier, as her husband + doth on her, and only wants the face to be dishonest. + </p> + <p> + SAVIOLINA, a court-lady, whose weightiest praise is a light wit, admired + by herself, and one more, her servant Brisk. + </p> + <p> + SORDIDO, a wretched hob-nailed chuff, whose recreation is reading of + almanacks; and felicity, foul weather. One that never pray'd but for a + lean dearth, and ever wept in a fat harvest. + </p> + <p> + FUNGOSO, the son of Sordido, and a student; one that has revelled in his + time, and follows the fashion afar off, like a spy. He makes it the whole + bent of his endeavours to wring sufficient means from his wretched father, + to put him in the courtiers' cut; at which he earnestly aims, but so + unluckily, that he still lights short a suit. + </p> + <p> + SOGLIARDO, an essential clown, brother to Sordido, yet so enamoured of the + name of a gentleman, that he will have it, though he buys it. He comes up + every term to learn to take tobacco, and see new motions. He is in his + kingdom when in company where he may be well laughed at. + </p> + <p> + SHIFT, a thread-bare shark; one that never was a soldier, yet lives upon + lendings. His profession is skeldring and odling, his bank Paul's, and his + warehouse Picthatch. Takes up single testons upon oaths, till doomsday. + Falls under executions of three shillings, and enters into five-groat + bonds. He way-lays the reports of services, and cons them without book, + damning himself he came new from them, when all the while he was taking + the diet in the bawdy-house, or lay pawned in his chamber for rent and + victuals. He is of that admirable and happy memory, that he will salute + one for an old acquaintance that he never saw in his life before. He + usurps upon cheats, quarrels, and robberies, which he never did, only to + get him a name. His chief exercises are, taking the whiff, squiring a + cockatrice, and making privy searches for imparters. + </p> + <p> + CLOVE and ORANGE, an inseparable case of coxcombs, city born; the Gemini, + or twins of foppery; that like a pair of wooden foils, are fit for nothing + but to be practised upon. Being well flattered they'll lend money, and + repent when they have done. Their glory is to invite players, and make + suppers. And in company of better rank, to avoid the suspect of + insufficiency, will inforce their ignorance most desperately, to set upon + the understanding of any thing. Orange is the most humorous of the two, + (whose small portion of juice being squeezed out,) Clove serves to stick + him with commendations. + </p> + <p> + CORDATUS, the author's friend; a man inly acquainted with the scope and + drift of his plot; of a discreet and understanding judgment; and has the + place of a moderator. + </p> + <p> + MITIS, is a person of no action, and therefore we afford him no character. + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + THE STAGE. After the second sounding. + + ENTER CORDATUS, ASPER, AND MITIS. + + COR. Nay, my dear Asper. + + MIT. Stay your mind. + + ASP. Away! + Who is so patient of this impious world, + That he can check his spirit, or rein his tongue? + Or who hath such a dead unfeeling sense, + That heaven's horrid thunders cannot wake? + To see the earth crack'd with the weight of sin, + Hell gaping under us, and o'er our heads + Black, ravenous ruin, with her sail-stretch'd wings, + Ready to sink us down, and cover us. + Who can behold such prodigies as these, + And have his lips seal'd up? Not I: my soul + Was never ground into such oily colours, + To flatter vice, and daub iniquity: + But, with an armed and resolved hand, + I'll strip the ragged follies of the time + Naked as at their birth — + + COR. Be not too bold. + + ASP. You trouble me — and with a whip of steel, + Print wounding lashes in their iron ribs. + I fear no mood stamp'd in a private brow, + When I am pleased t'unmask a public vice. + I fear no strumpet's drugs, nor ruffian's stab, + Should I detect their hateful luxuries: + No broker's usurer's, or lawyer's gripe, + Were I disposed to say, they are all corrupt. + I fear no courtier's frown, should I applaud + The easy flexure of his supple hams. + Tut, these are so innate and popular, + That drunken custom would not shame to laugh, + In scorn, at him, that should but dare to tax 'em: + And yet, not one of these, but knows his works, + Knows what damnation is, the devil, and hell; + Yet hourly they persist, grow rank in sin, + Puffing their souls away in perjurous air, + To cherish their extortion, pride, or lusts. + + MIT. Forbear, good Asper; be not like your name. + + ASP. O, but to such whose faces are all zeal, + And, with the words of Hercules, invade + Such crimes as these! that will not smell of sin, + But seem as they were made of sanctity! + Religion in their garments, and their hair + Cut shorter than their eye-brows! when the conscience + Is vaster than the ocean, and devours + More wretches than the counters. + + MIT. Gentle Asper, + Contain our spirits in more stricter bounds, + And be not thus transported with the violence + Of your strong thoughts. + + COX. Unless your breath had power, + To melt the world, and mould it new again, + It is in vain to spend it in these moods. + + ASP. [TURNING TO THE STAGE.] + I not observed this thronged round till now! + Gracious and kind spectators, you are welcome; + Apollo and Muses feast your eyes + With graceful objects, and may our Minerva + Answer your hopes, unto their largest strain! + Yet here mistake me not, judicious friends; + I do not this, to beg your patience, + Or servilely to fawn on your applause, + Like some dry brain, despairing in his merit. + Let me be censured by the austerest brow, + Where I want art or judgment, tax me freely. + Let envious censors, with their broadest eyes, + Look through and through me, I pursue no favour; + Only vouchsafe me your attentions, + And I will give you music worth your ears. + O, how I hate the monstrousness of time, + Where every servile imitating spirit, + Plagued with an itching leprosy of wit, + In a mere halting fury, strives to fling + His ulcerous body in the Thespian spring, + And straight leaps forth a poet! but as lame + As Vulcan, or the founder of Cripplegate. + + MIT. In faith this humour will come ill to some, + You will be thought to be too peremptory. + + ASP. This humour? good! and why this humour, Mitis? + Nay, do not turn, but answer. + + MIT. Answer, what? + + ASP. I will not stir your patience, pardon me, + I urged it for some reasons, and the rather + To give these ignorant well-spoken days + Some taste of their abuse of this word humour. + + COR. O, do not let your purpose fall, good Asper; + It cannot but arrive most acceptable, + Chiefly to such as have the happiness + Daily to see how the poor innocent word + Is rack'd and tortured. + + MIT. Ay, I pray you proceed. + + ASP. Ha, what? what is't? + + COR. For the abuse of humour. + + ASP. O, I crave pardon, I had lost my thoughts. + Why humour, as 'tis 'ens', we thus define it, + To be a quality of air, or water, + And in itself holds these two properties, + Moisture and fluxure: as, for demonstration, + Pour water on this floor, 'twill wet and run: + Likewise the air, forced through a horn or trumpet, + Flows instantly away, and leaves behind + A kind of dew; and hence we do conclude, + That whatsoe'er hath fluxure and humidity, + As wanting power to contain itself, + Is humour. So in every human body, + The choler, melancholy, phlegm, and blood, + By reason that they flow continually + In some one part, and are not continent, + Receive the name of humours. Now thus far + It may, by metaphor, apply itself + Unto the general disposition: + As when some one peculiar quality + Doth so possess a man, that it doth draw + All his affects, his spirits, and his powers, + In their confluctions, all to run one way, + This may be truly said to be a humour + But that a rook, by wearing a pyed feather, + The cable hat-band, or the three-piled ruff, + A yard of shoe-tye, or the Switzer's knot + On his French garters, should affect a humour! + O, it is more than most ridiculous. + + COR. He speaks pure truth; now if an idiot + Have but an apish or fantastic strain, + It is his humour. + + ASP. Well, I will scourge those apes, + And to these courteous eyes oppose a mirror, + As large as is the stage whereon we act; + Where they shall see the time's deformity + Anatomised in every nerve, and sinew, + With constant courage, and contempt of fear. + + MIT. Asper, (I urge it as your friend,) take heed, + The days are dangerous, full of exception, + And men are grown impatient of reproof. + + ASP. Ha, ha! + You might as well have told me, yond' is heaven, + This earth, these men, and all had moved alike. — + Do not I know the time's condition? + Yes, Mitis, and their souls; and who they be + That either will or can except against me. + None but a sort of fools, so sick in taste, + That they contemn all physic of the mind, + And like gall'd camels, kick at every touch. + Good men, and virtuous spirits, that loath their vices, + Will cherish my free labours, love my lines, + And with the fervour of their shining grace + Make my brain fruitful, to bring forth more objects, + Worthy their serious and intentive eyes. + But why enforce I this? as fainting? no. + If any here chance to behold himself, + Let him not dare to challenge me of wrong; + For, if he shame to have his follies known, + First he should shame to act 'em: my strict hand + Was made to seize on vice, and with a gripe + Squeeze out the humour of such spongy souls, + As lick up every idle vanity. + + COR. Why, this is right furor poeticus! + Kind gentlemen, we hope your patience + Will yet conceive the best, or entertain + This supposition, that a madman speaks. + + ASP. What, are you ready there? Mitis, sit down, + And my Cordatus. Sound ho! and begin. + I leave you two, as censors, to sit here: + Observe what I present, and liberally + Speak your opinions upon every scene, + As it shall pass the view of these spectators. + Nay, now y'are tedious, sirs; for shame begin. + And, Mitis, note me; if in all this front + You can espy a gallant of this mark, + Who, to be thought one of the judicious, + Sits with his arms thus wreath'd, his hat pull'd here, + Cries mew, and nods, then shakes his empty head, + Will shew more several motions in his face + Than the new London, Rome, or Niniveh, + And, now and then, breaks a dry biscuit jest, + Which, that it may more easily be chew'd, + He steeps in his own laughter. + + COR. Why, will that + Make it be sooner swallowed? + + ASP. O, assure you. + Or if it did not, yet as Horace sings, + Mean cates are welcome still to hungry guests. + + COR. 'Tis true; but why should we observe them, Asper? + + ASP. O, I would know 'em; for in such assemblies + They are more infectious than the pestilence: + And therefore I would give them pills to purge, + And make them fit for fair societies. + How monstrous and detested is't to see + A fellow that has neither art nor brain, + Sit like an Aristarchus, or start ass, + Taking men's lines with a tobacco face, + In snuff still spitting, using his wry'd looks, + In nature of a vice, to wrest and turn + The good aspect of those that shall sit near him, + From what they do behold! O, 'tis most vile. + + MIT. Nay, Asper. + + ASP. Peace, Mitis, I do know your thought; + You'll say, your guests here will except at this: + Pish! you are too timorous, and full of doubt. + Then he, a patient, shall reject all physic, + 'Cause the physician tells him, you are sick: + Or, if I say, that he is vicious, + You will not hear of virtue. Come, you are fond. + Shall I be so extravagant, to think, + That happy judgments, and composed spirits, + Will challenge me for taxing such as these? + I am ashamed. + + COR. Nay, but good, pardon us; + We must not bear this peremptory sail, + But use our best endeavours how to please. + + ASP. Why, therein I commend your careful thoughts, + And I will mix with you in industry + To please: but whom? attentive auditors, + Such as will join their profit with their pleasure, + And come to feed their understanding parts: + For these I'll prodigally spread myself, + And speak away my spirit into air; + For these, I'll melt my brain into invention, + Coin new conceits, and hang my richest words + As polish'd jewels in their bounteous ears? + But stay, I lose myself, and wrong their patience: + If I dwell here, they'll not begin, I see. + Friends, sit you still, and entertain this troop + With some familiar and by-conference, + I'll hast them sound. Now, gentlemen, I go + To turn an actor, and a humorist, + Where, ere I do resume my present person, + We hope to make the circles of your eyes + Flow with distilled laughter: if we fail, + We must impute it to this only chance, + Art hath an enemy call'd ignorance. + [EXIT. + + COR. How do you like his spirit, Mitis? + + MIT. I should like it much better, if he were less confident. + + COR. Why, do you suspect his merit? + + MIT. No; but I fear this will procure him much envy. + + COR. O, that sets the stronger seal on his desert: if he had no enemies, + I should esteem his fortunes most wretched at this instant. + + MIT. You have seen his play, Cordatus: pray you, how is it? + + COR. Faith, sir, I must refrain to judge; only this I can say of it, 'tis + strange, and of a particular kind by itself, somewhat like 'Vetus + Comoedia'; a work that hath bounteously pleased me; how it will answer the + general expectation, I know not. + + MIT. Does he observe all the laws of comedy in it? + + COR. What laws mean you? + + MIT. Why, the equal division of it into acts and scenes, according to the + Terentian manner; his true number of actors; the furnishing of the scene + with Grex or Chorus, and that the whole argument fall within compass of a + day's business. + + COR. O no, these are too nice observations. + + MIT. They are such as must be received, by your favour, or it cannot be + authentic. + + COR. Troth, I can discern no such necessity. + + MIT. No! + + COR. No, I assure you, signior. If those laws you speak of had been + delivered us 'ab initio', and in their present virtue and perfection, there + had been some reason of obeying their powers; but 'tis extant, that that + which we call 'Comoedia', was at first nothing but a simple and continued + song, sung by one only person, till Susario invented a second; after him, + Epicharmus a third; Phormus and Chionides devised to have four actors, with + a prologue and chorus; to which Cratinus, long after, added a fifth and + sixth: Eupolis, more; Aristophanes, more than they; every man in the + dignity of his spirit and judgment supplied something. And, though that in + him this kind of poem appeared absolute, and fully perfect, yet how is the + face of it changed since, in Menander, Philemon, Cecilius, Plautus, and the + rest! who have utterly excluded the chorus, altered the property of the + persons, their names, and natures, and augmented it with all liberty, + according to the elegancy and disposition of those times wherein they + wrote. I see not then, but we should enjoy the same license, or free power + to illustrate and heighten our invention, as they did; and not be tied to + those strict and regular forms which the niceness of a few, who are nothing + but form, would thrust upon us. + + MIT. Well, we will not dispute of this now; but what's his scene? + + COR. Marry, 'Insula Fortunata', sir. + + MIT. O, the Fortunate Island: mass, he has bound himself to a strict law + there. + + COR. Why so? + + MIT. He cannot lightly alter the scene, without crossing the seas. + + COR. He needs not, having a whole island to run through, I think. + + MIT. No! how comes it then, that in some one play we see so many seas, + countries, and kingdoms, passed over with such admirable dexterity? + + COR. O, that but shews how well the authors can travel in their vocation, + and outrun the apprehension of their auditory. But, leaving this, I would + they would begin at once: this protraction is able to sour the + best-settled patience in the theatre. + [THE THIRD SOUNDING. + + MIT. They have answered your wish, sir; they sound. + + COR. O, here comes the Prologue. + [ENTER PROLOGUE. + Now, sir, if you had staid a little longer, I meant to have spoke your + prologue for you i'faith. + + PROL. Marry, with all my heart, sir, you shall do it yet, and I thank you. + [GOING. + + COR. Nay, nay, stay, stay; hear you? + + PROL. You could not have studied to have done me a greater benefit at the + instant; for I protest to you, I am unperfect, and, had I spoke it, I must + of necessity have been out. + + COR. Why, but do you speak this seriously? + + PROL. Seriously! ay, wit's my help, do I; and esteem myself indebted to + your kindness for it. + + COR. For what? + + PROL. Why, for undertaking the prologue for me. + + COR. How! did I undertake it for you? + + PROL. Did you! I appeal to all these gentlemen, whether you did or no. + Come, come, it pleases you to cast a strange look on't now; but 'twill not + serve. + + COR. 'Fore me, but it must serve; and therefore speak your prologue. + + PROL. An I do, let me die poisoned with some venomous hiss, and never live + to look as high as the two-penny room again. + [EXIT. + + MIT. He has put you to it, sir. + + COR. 'Sdeath, what a humorous fellow is this! Gentlemen, good faith I can + speak no prologue, howsoever his weak wit has had the fortune to make this + strong use of me here before you: but I protest — + + [ENTER CARLO BUFFONE, FOLLOWED BY A BOY WITH WINE. + CAR. Come, come, leave these fustian protestations; away, come, I cannot + abide these grey-headed ceremonies. Boy, fetch me a glass quickly, I may + bid these gentlemen welcome; give them a health here. [EXIT BOY.] I + mar'le whose wit it was to put a prologue in yond' sackbut's mouth; they + might well think he'd be out of tune, and yet you'd play upon him too. + + COR. Hang him, dull block! + + CAR. O, good words, good words; a well-timber'd fellow, he would have made + a good column, an he had been thought on, when the house was a building — + [RE-ENTER BOY WITH GLASSES.. + O, art thou come? Well said; give me, boy; fill so! Here's a cup of wine + sparkles like a diamond. Gentlewomen (I am sworn to put them in first) and + gentlemen, around, in place of a bad prologue, I drink this good draught to + your health here, Canary, the very elixir and spirit of wine. [DRINKS.] + This is that our poet calls Castalian liquor, when he comes abroad now and + then, once in a fortnight, and makes a good meal among players, where he + has 'caninum appetitum'; marry, at home he keeps a good philosophical diet, + beans and butter-milk; an honest pure rogue, he will take you off three, + four, five of these, one after another, and look villainously when he has + done, like a one-headed Cerberus. — He does not hear me, I hope. — And + then, when his belly is well ballaced, and his brain rigged a little, he + snails away withal, as though he would work wonders when he comes home. He + has made a play here, and he calls it, 'Every Man out of his Humour': but + an he get me out of the humour he has put me in, I'll trust none of his + tribe again while I live. Gentles, all I can say for him is, you are + welcome. I could wish my bottle here amongst you; but there's an old rule, + No pledging your own health. Marry, if any here be thirsty for it, their + best way (that I know) is, sit still, seal up their lips, and drink so much + of the play in at their ears. + [EXIT. + + MIT. What may this fellow be, Cordatus? + + COR. Faith, if the time will suffer his description, I'll give it you. He + is one, the author calls him Carlo Buffone, an impudent common jester, a + violent railer, and an incomprehensible epicure; one whose company is + desired of all men, but beloved of none; he will sooner lose his soul than + a jest, and profane even the most holy things, to excite laughter: no + honourable or reverend personage whatsoever can come within the reach of + his eye, but is turned into all manner of variety, by his adulterate + similes. + + MIT. You paint forth a monster. + + COR. He will prefer all countries before his native, and thinks he can + never sufficiently, or with admiration enough, deliver his affectionate + conceit of foreign atheistical policies. But stay — + [ENTER MACILENTE. + Observe these: he'll appear himself anon. + + MIT. O, this is your envious man, Macilente, I think. + + COR. The same, sir. +</pre> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + ACT I + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SCENE I. — The Country. + + ENTER MACILENTE, WITH A BOOK. + + MACI. "Viri est, fortunae caecitatem facile ferre." + 'Tis true; but, Stoic, where, in the vast world, + Doth that man breathe, that can so much command + His blood and his affection? Well, I see + I strive in vain to cure my wounded soul; + For every cordial that my thoughts apply + Turns to a corsive and doth eat it farther. + There is no taste in this philosophy; + 'Tis like a potion that a man should drink, + But turns his stomach with the sight of it. + I am no such pill'd Cynick to believe, + That beggary is the only happiness; + Or with a number of these patient fools, + To sing: "My mind to me a kingdom is," + When the lank hungry belly barks for food, + I look into the world, and there I meet + With objects, that do strike my blood-shot eyes + Into my brain: where, when I view myself, + Having before observ'd this man is great, + Mighty and fear'd; that lov'd and highly favour'd: + A third thought wise and learn'd; a fourth rich, + And therefore honour'd; a fifth rarely featur'd; + A sixth admired for his nuptial fortunes: + When I see these, I say, and view myself, + I wish the organs of my sight were crack'd; + And that the engine of my grief could cast + Mine eyeballs, like two globes of wildfire, forth, + To melt this unproportion'd frame of nature. + Oh, they are thoughts that have transfix'd my heart, + And often, in the strength of apprehension, + Made my cold passion stand upon my face, + Like drops of dew on a stiff cake of ice. + + COR. This alludes well to that of the poet, + "Invidus suspirat, gemit, incutitque dentes, + Sudat frigidus, intuens quod odit." + + MIT. O, peace, you break the scene. + + [ENTER SOGLIARDO AND CARLO BUFFONE. + + MACI. Soft, who be these? + I'll lay me down awhile till they be past. + [LIES DOWN. + + CAR. Signior, note this gallant, I pray you. + + MIT. What is he? + + CAR. A tame rook, you'll take him presently; list. + + SOG. Nay, look you, Carlo; this is my humour now! I have land and money, + my friends left me well, and I will be a gentleman whatsoever it cost me. + + CAR. A most gentlemanlike resolution. + + SOG. Tut! an I take an humour of a thing once, I am like your tailor's + needle, I go through: but, for my name, signior, how think you? will it + not serve for a gentleman's name, when the signior is put to it, ha? + + CAR. Let me hear; how is it? + + SOG. Signior Insulso Sogliardo: methinks it sounds well. + + CAR. O excellent! tut! an all fitted to your name, you might very well + stand for a gentleman: I know many Sogliardos gentlemen. + + SOG. Why, and for my wealth I might be a justice of peace. + + CAR. Ay, and a constable for your wit. + + SOG. All this is my lordship you see here, and those farms you came by. + + CAR. Good steps to gentility too, marry: but, Sogliardo, if you affect to + be a gentleman indeed, you must observe all the rare qualities, humours, + and compliments of a gentleman. + + SOG. I know it, signior, and if you please to instruct, I am not too good + to learn, I'll assure you. + + CAR. Enough, sir. — I'll make admirable use in the projection of my + medicine upon this lump of copper here. [ASIDE] — I'll bethink me for + you, sir. + + SOG. Signior, I will both pay you, and pray you, and thank you, and think + on you. + + COR. Is this not purely good? + + MACI. S'blood, why should such a prick-ear'd hind as this + Be rich, ha? a fool! such a transparent gull + That may be seen through! wherefore should he have land, + Houses, and lordships? O, I could eat my entrails, + And sink my soul into the earth with sorrow. + + CAR. First, to be an accomplished gentleman, that is, a gentleman of the + time, you must give over housekeeping in the country, and live altogether + in the city amongst gallants: where, at your first appearance, 'twere good + you turn'd four or five hundred acres of your best land into two or three + trunks of apparel — you may do it without going to a conjurer — and be + sure you mix yourself still with such as flourish in the spring of the + fashion, and are least popular; study their carriage and behaviour in all; + learn to play at primero and passage, and ever (when you lose) have two or + three peculiar oaths to swear by, that no man else swears: but, above all, + protest in your play, and affirm, "Upon your credit, As you are a true + gentleman", at every cast; you may do it with a safe conscience, I warrant you. + + SOG. O admirable rare! he cannot choose but be a gentleman that has these + excellent gifts: more, more, I beseech you. + + CAR. You must endeavour to feed cleanly at your ordinary, sit melancholy, + and pick your teeth when you cannot speak: and + when you come to plays, be humorous, look with a good starch'd face, and + ruffle your brow like a new boot, laugh at nothing but your own jests, or + else as the noblemen laugh. That's a special grace you must observe. + + SAG. I warrant you, sir. + + CAR. Ay, and sit on the stage and flout, provided you have a good suit. + + SOG. O, I'll have a suit only for that, sir. + + CAR. You must talk much of your kindred and allies. + + SOG. Lies! no, signior, I shall not need to do so, I have kindred in the + city to talk of: I have a niece is a merchant's wife; and a nephew, my + brother Sordido's son, of the Inns of court. + + CAR. O, but you must pretend alliance with courtiers and great persons: + and ever when you are to dine or sup in any strange presence, hire a fellow + with a great chain, (though it be copper, it's no matter,) to bring you + letters, feign'd from such a nobleman, or such a knight, or such a lady, + "To their worshipful, right rare, and nobly qualified friend and kinsman, + signior Insulso Sogliardo": give yourself style enough. And there, while + you intend circumstances of news, or enquiry of their health, or so, one of + your familiars whom you must carry about you still, breaks it up, as 'twere + in a jest, and reads it publicly at the table: at which you must seem to + take as unpardonable offence, as if he had torn your mistress's colours, or + breath'd upon her picture, and pursue it with that hot grace, as if you + would advance a challenge upon it presently. + + SOG. Stay, I do not like that humour of challenge, it may be accepted; but + I'll tell you what's my humour now, I will do this: I will take occasion + of sending one of my suits to the tailor's, to have the pocket repaired, or + so; and there such a letter as you talk of, broke open and all shall be + left; O, the tailor will presently give out what I am, upon the reading of + it, worth twenty of your gallants. + + CAR. But then you must put on an extreme face of discontentment at your + man's negligence. + + SOG. O, so I will, and beat him too: I'll have a man for the purpose. + + MAC. You may; you have land and crowns: O partial fate! + + CAR. Mass, well remember'd, you must keep your men gallant at the first, + fine pied liveries laid with good gold lace; there's no loss in it, they + may rip it off and pawn it when they lack victuals. + + SOG. By 'r Lady, that is chargeable, signior, 'twill bring a man in debt. + + CAR. Debt! why that's the more for your credit, sir: it's an excellent + policy to owe much in these days, if you note it. + + SOG. As how, good signior? I would fain be a politician. + + CAR. O! look where you are indebted any great sum, your creditor observes + you with no less regard, than if he were bound to you for some huge + benefit, and will quake to give you the least cause of offence, lest he + lose his money. I assure you, in these + times, no man has his servant more obsequious and pliant, than gentlemen + their creditors: to whom, if at any time you pay but a moiety, or a fourth + part, it comes more acceptably than if you gave them a new-year's gift. + + SOG. I perceive you, sir: I will take up, and bring myself in credit, sure. + + CAR. Marry this, always beware you commerce not with bankrupts, or poor + needy Ludgathians; they are impudent creatures, turbulent spirits, they + care not what violent tragedies they stir, nor how they play fast and loose + with a poor gentleman's fortunes, to get their own. Marry, these rich + fellows that have the world, or the better part of it, sleeping in their + counting-houses, they are ten times more placable, they; either fear, hope, + or modesty, restrains them from offering any outrages: but this is nothing + to your followers, you shall not run a penny more in arrearage for them, an + you list, yourself. + + SOG. No! how should I keep 'em then? + + CAR. Keep 'em! 'sblood, let them keep themselves, they are no sheep, are + they? what, you shall come in houses, where plate, apparel, jewels, and + divers other pretty commodities lie negligently scattered, and I would have + those Mercuries follow me, I trow, should remember they had not their + fingers for nothing. + + SOG. That's not so good, methinks. + + CAR. Why, after you have kept them a fortnight, or so, and shew'd them + enough to the world, you may turn them away, and keep no more but a boy, + it's enough. + + SOG. Nay, my humour is not for boys, I'll keep men, an I keep any; and + I'll give coats, that's my humour: but I lack a cullisen. + + CAR. Why, now you ride to the city, you may buy one; I'll bring you where + you shall have your choice for money. + + SOG. Can you, sir? + + CAR. O, ay: you shall have one take measure of you, and make you a coat + of arms to fit you, of what fashion you will. + + SOG. By word of mouth, I thank you, signior; I'll be once a little + prodigal in a humour, i'faith, and have a most prodigious coat. + + MAC. Torment and death! break head and brain at once, + To be deliver'd of your fighting issue. + Who can endure to see blind Fortune dote thus? + To be enamour'd on this dusty turf, + This clod, a whoreson puck-fist! O G——! + I could run wild with grief now, to behold + The rankness of her bounties, that doth breed + Such bulrushes; these mushroom gentlemen, + That shoot up in a night to place and worship. + + CAR. [SEEING MACILENTE.] Let him alone; some stray, some stray. + + SOG. Nay, I will examine him before I go, sure. + + CAR. The lord of the soil has all wefts and strays here, has he not? + + SOG. Yes, sir. + + CAR. Faith then I pity the poor fellow, he's fallen into a fool's hands. + [ASIDE. + + SOG. Sirrah, who gave you a commission to lie in my lordship? + + MAC. Your lordship! + + SOG. How! my lordship? do you know me, sir? + + MAC. I do know you, sir. + + CAR. He answers him like an echo. + [ASIDE. + + SOG. Why, Who am I, sir? + + MAC. One of those that fortune favours. + + CAR. The periphrasis of a fool. I'll observe this better. + [ASIDE. + + SOG. That fortune favours! how mean you that, friend? + + MAC. I mean simply: that you are one that lives not by your wits. + + SOG. By my wits! no sir, I scorn to live by my wits, I. I have better + means, I tell thee, than to take such base courses, as to live by my wits. + What, dost thou think I live by my wits? + + MAC. Methinks, jester, you should not relish this well. + + CAR. Ha! does he know me? + + MAC. Though yours be the worst use a man can put his wit to, of thousands, + to prostitute it at every tavern and ordinary; yet, methinks, you should + have turn'd your broadside at this, and have been ready with an apology, + able to sink this hulk of ignorance into the bottom and depth of his + contempt. + + CAR. Oh, 'tis Macilente! Signior, you are well encountered; how is it? + O, we must not regard what he says, man, a trout, a shallow fool, he has no + more brain than a butterfly, a mere stuft suit; he looks like a musty + bottle new wicker'd, his head's the cork, light, light! [ASIDE TO + MACILENTE.] — I am glad to see you so well return'd, signior. + + MAC. You are! gramercy, good Janus. + + SOG. Is he one of your acquaintance? I love him the better for that. + + CAR. Od's precious, come away, man, what do you mean? an you knew him as + I do, you'd shun him as you would do the plague. + + SOG. Why, sir? + + CAR. O, he's a black fellow, take heed of him. + + SOG. Is he a scholar, or a soldier? + + CAR. Both, both; a lean mongrel, he looks as if he were chop-fallen, with + barking at other men's good fortunes: 'ware how you offend him; he carries + oil and fire in his pen, will scald where it drops: his spirit is like + powder, quick, violent; he'll blow a man up with a jest: I fear him worse + than a rotten wall does the cannon; shake an hour after at the report. + Away, come not near him. + + SOG. For God's sake let's be gone; an he be a scholar, you know I cannot + abide him; I had as lieve see a cockatrice, specially as cockatrices go now. + + CAR. What, you'll stay, signior? this gentleman Sogliardo, and I, are to + visit the knight Puntarvolo, and from thence to the city; we shall meet there. + [EXIT WITH SOGLIARDO. + + MAC. Ay, when I cannot shun you, we will meet. + 'Tis strange! of all the creatures I have seen, + I envy not this Buffone, for indeed + Neither his fortunes nor his parts deserve it: + But I do hate him, as I hate the devil, + Or that brass-visaged monster Barbarism. + O, 'tis an open-throated, black-mouth'd cur, + That bites at all, but eats on those that feed him. + A slave, that to your face will, serpent-like, + Creep on the ground, as he would eat the dust, + And to your back will turn the tail, and sting + More deadly than the scorpion: stay, who's this? + Now, for my soul, another minion + Of the old lady Chance's! I'll observe him. + + [ENTER SORDIDO WITH AN ALMANACK IN HIS HAND. + SORD. O rare! good, good, good, good, good! + I thank my stars, I thank my stars for it. + + MAC. Said I not true? doth not his passion speak + Out of my divination? O my senses, + Why lost you not your powers, and become + Dull'd, if not deaded, with this spectacle? + I know him, it is Sordido, the farmer, + A boor, and brother to that swine was here. + [ASIDE. + + SORD. Excellent, excellent, excellent! as I would wish, as I would wish. + + MAC. See how the strumpet fortune tickles him, + And makes him swoon with laughter, O, O, O! + + SORD. Ha, ha, ha! I will not sow my grounds this year. Let me see, what + harvest shall we have? "June, July?" + + MAC. What, is't a prognostication raps him so? + + SORD. "The 20, 21, 22 days, rain and wind." O good, good! "the 23, and + 24, rain and some wind," good! "the 25, rain," good still! "26, 27, 28, + wind and some rain"; would it had been rain and some wind! well, 'tis + good, when it can be no better. "29, inclining to rain": inclining to + rain! that's not so good now: "30, and 31, wind and no rain": no rain! + 'slid, stay: this is worse and worse: What says he of St. Swithin's? + turn back, look, "saint Swithin's: no rain!" + + MAC. O, here's a precious, dirty, damned rogue, + That fats himself with expectation + Of rotten weather, and unseason'd hours; + And he is rich for it, an elder brother! + His barns are full, his ricks and mows well trod, + His garners crack with store! O, 'tis well; ha, ha, ha! + A plague consume thee, and thy house! + + SORD. O here, "St. Swithin's, the 15 day, variable weather, for the most + part rain", good! "for the most part rain": why, it should rain forty + days after, now, more or less, it was a rule held, afore I was able to hold + a plough, and yet here are two days no rain; ha! it makes me muse. We'll + see how the next month begins, if that be better. "August 1, 2, 3, and 4, + days, rainy and blustering:" this is well now: "5, 6, 7, 8, and 9, rainy, + with some thunder;" Ay marry, this is excellent; the other was false + printed sure: "the 10 and 11, great store of rain"; O good, good, good, + good, good! "the 12, 13, and 14 days, rain"; good still: "15, and 16, + rain"; good still: "17 and 18, rain", good still: "19 and 20", good + still, good still, good still, good still, good still! "21, some rain"; + some rain! well, we must be patient, and attend the heaven's pleasure, + would it were more though: "the 22, 23, great tempests of rain, thunder + and lightning". + O good again, past expectation good! + I thank my blessed angel; never, never + Laid I [a] penny better out than this, + To purchase this dear book: not dear for price, + And yet of me as dearly prized as life, + Since in it is contain'd the very life, + Blood, strength, and sinews, of my happiness. + Blest be the hour wherein I bought this book; + His studies happy that composed the book, + And the man fortunate that sold the book! + Sleep with this charm, and be as true to me, + As I am joy'd and confident in thee + [PUTS IT UP. + + [ENTER A HIND, AND GIVES SORDIDO A PAPER TO READ. + MAC. Ha, ha, ha! + Is not this good? Is not pleasing this? + Ha, ha, ha! God pardon me! ha, ha! + Is't possible that such a spacious villain + Should live, and not be plagued? or lies be hid + Within the wrinkled bosom of the world, + Where Heaven cannot see him? S'blood! methinks + 'Tis rare, and strange, that he should breathe and walk, + Feed with digestion, sleep, enjoy his health, + And, like a boisterous whale swallowing the poor, + Still swim in wealth and pleasure! is't not strange? + Unless his house and skin were thunder proof, + I wonder at it! Methinks, now, the hectic, + Gout, leprosy, or some such loath'd disease, + Might light upon him; of that fire from heaven + Might fall upon his barns; or mice and rats + Eat up his grain; or else that it might rot + Within the hoary ricks, even as it stands: + Methinks this might be well; and after all + The devil might come and fetch him. Ay, 'tis true! + Meantime he surfeits in prosperity, + And thou, in envy of him, gnaw'st thyself: + Peace, fool, get hence, and tell thy vexed spirit, + Wealth in this age will scarcely look on merit. + [RISES AND EXIT. + + SORD. Who brought this same, sirrah? + + HIND. Marry, sir, one of the justice's men; he says 'tis a precept, and + all their hands be at it. + + SORD. Ay, and the prints of them stick in my flesh, + Deeper than in their letters: they have sent me + Pills wrapt in paper here, that, should I take them, + Would poison all the sweetness of my book, + And turn my honey into hemlock juice. + But I am wiser than to serve their precepts, + Or follow their prescriptions. Here's a device, + To charge me bring my grain unto the markets: + Ay, much! when I have neither barn nor garner, + Nor earth to hid it in, I'll bring 't; till then, + Each corn I send shall be as big as Paul's. + O, but (say some) the poor are like to starve. + Why, let 'em starve, what's that to me? are bees + Bound to keep life in drones and idle moths? no: + Why such are these that term themselves the poor, + Only because they would be pitied, + But are indeed a sort of lazy beggars, + Licentious rogues, and sturdy vagabonds, + Bred by the sloth of a fat plenteous year, + Like snakes in heat of summer, out of dung; + And this is all that these cheap times are good for: + Whereas a wholesome and penurious dearth + Purges the soil of such vile excrements, + And kills the vipers up. + + HIND. O, but master, + Take heed they hear you not. + + SORD. Why so? + + HIND. They will exclaim against you. + + SORD. Ay, their exclaims + Move me as much, as thy breath moves a mountain. + Poor worms, they hiss at me, whilst I at home + Can be contented to applaud myself, + To sit and clap my hands, and laugh, and leap, + Knocking my head against my roof, with joy + To see how plump my bags are, and my barns. + Sirrah, go hie you home, and bid your fellows + Get all their flails ready again I come. + + HIND. I will, sir. + [EXIT. + + SORD. I'll instantly set all my hinds to thrashing + Of a whole rick of corn, which I will hide + Under the ground; and with the straw thereof + I'll stuff the outsides of my other mows: + That done, I'll have them empty all my garners, + And in the friendly earth bury my store, + That, when the searchers come, they may suppose + All's spent, and that my fortunes were belied. + And to lend more opinion to my want, + And stop that many-mouthed vulgar dog, + Which else would still be baying at my door, + Each market-day I will be seen to buy + Part of the purest wheat, as for my household; + Where when it comes, it shall increase my heaps: + 'Twill yield me treble gain at this dear time, + Promised in this dear book: I have cast all. + Till then I will not sell an ear, I'll hang first. + O, I shall make my prices as I list; + My house and I can feed on peas and barley. + What though a world of wretches starve the while; + He that will thrive must think no courses vile. + [EXIT. + + COR. Now, signior, how approve you this? have the humourists exprest + themselves truly or no? + + MIT. Yes, if it be well prosecuted, 'tis hitherto happy enough: but + methinks Macilente went hence too soon; he might have been made to stay, + and speak somewhat in reproof of Sordido's wretchedness now at the last. + + COR. O, no, that had been extremely improper; besides, he had continued + the scene too long with him, as 'twas, being in no more action. + + MIT. You may inforce the length as a necessary reason; but for propriety, + the scene wou'd very well have borne it, in my judgment. + + COR. O, worst of both; why, you mistake his humour utterly then. + + MIT. How do I mistake it? Is it not envy? + + COR. Yes, but you must understand, signior, he envies him not as he is a + villain, a wolf in the commonwealth, but as he is rich and fortunate; for + the true condition of envy is, 'dolor alienae felicitatis', to have our + eyes continually fixed upon another man's prosperity that is, his chief + happiness, and to grieve at that. Whereas, if we make his monstrous and + abhorr'd actions our object, the grief we take then comes nearer the nature + of hate than envy, as being bred out of a kind of contempt and loathing in + ourselves. + + MIT. So you'll infer it had been hate, not envy in him, to reprehend the + humour of Sordido? + + COR. Right, for what a man truly envies in another, he could always love + and cherish in himself; but no man truly reprehends in another, what he + loves in himself; therefore reprehension is out of his hate. And this + distinction hath he himself made in a speech there, if you marked it, where + he says, "I envy not this Buffone, but I hate him." Why might he not as + well have hated Sordido as him? + + COR. No, sir, there was subject for his envy in Sordido, his wealth: so + was there not in the other. He stood possest of no one eminent gift, but a + most odious and fiend-like disposition, that would turn charity itself into + hate, much more envy, for the present. + + MIT. You have satisfied me, sir. O, here comes the fool, and the jester + again, methinks. + + COR. 'Twere pity they should be parted, sir. + + MIT. What bright-shining gallant's that with them? the knight they went to? + + COR. No, sir, this is one monsieur Fastidious Brisk, otherwise called the + fresh Frenchified courtier. + + MIT. A humourist too? + + COR. As humorous as quicksilver; do but observe him; the scene is the + country still, remember. +</pre> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + ACT II + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SCENE I. — THE COUNTRY; BEFORE PUNTARVOLO'S HOUSE. + + ENTER FASTIDIOUS BRISK, CINEDO, CARLO BUFFONE, AND SOGLIARDO. + + FAST. Cinedo, watch when the knight comes, and give us word. + + CIN. I will, sir. + [EXIT. + + FAST. How lik'st thou my boy, Carlo? + + CAR. O, well, well. He looks like a colonel of the Pigmies horse, or one + of these motions in a great antique clock; he would shew well upon a + haberdasher's stall, at a corner shop, rarely. + + FAST. 'Sheart, what a damn'd witty rogue's this! How he confounds with + his similes! + + CAR. Better with similes than smiles: and whither were you riding now, + signior? + + FAST. Who, I? What a silly jest's that! Whither should I ride but to the + court? + + CAR. O, pardon me, sir, twenty places more; your hot-house, or your + whore-house — + + FAST. By the virtue of my soul, this knight dwells in Elysium here. + + CAR. He's gone now, I thought he would fly out presently. These be our + nimble-spirited catsos, that have their evasions at pleasure, will run over + a bog like your wild Irish; no sooner started, but they'll leap from one + thing to another, like a squirrel, heigh! dance and do tricks in their + discourse, from fire to water, from water to air, from air to earth, as if + their tongues did but e'en lick the four elements over, and away. + + FAST. Sirrah, Carlo, thou never saw'st my gray hobby yet, didst thou? + + CAR. No; have you such a one? + + FAST. The best in Europe, my good villain, thou'lt say when thou seest him. + + CAR. But when shall I see him? + + FAST. There was a nobleman in the court offered me a hundred pound for + him, by this light: a fine little fiery slave, he runs like a — oh, + excellent, excellent! — with the very sound of the spur. + + CAR. How! the sound of the spur? + + FAST. O, it's your only humour now extant, sir; a good gingle, a good gingle. + + CAR. S'blood! you shall see him turn morrice-dancer, he has got him + bells, a good suit, and a hobby-horse. + + SIG. Signior, now you talk of a hobby-horse, I know where one is will not + be given for a brace of angels. + + FAST. How is that, sir? + + SOG. Marry, sir, I am telling this gentleman of a hobby-horse; it was my + father's indeed, and though I say it — + + CAR. That should not say it — on, on. + + SOG. He did dance in it, with as good humour and as good regard as any man + of his degree whatsoever, being no gentleman: I have danc'd in it myself + too. + + CAR. Not since the humour of gentility was upon you, did you? + + SOG. Yes, once; marry, that was but to shew what a gentleman might do in a + humour. + + CAR. O, very good. + + MIT. Why, this fellow's discourse were nothing but for the word humour. + + COR. O bear with him; an he should lack matter and words too, 'twere pitiful. + + SOG. Nay, look you, sir, there's ne'er a gentleman in the country has the + like humours, for the hobby-horse, as I have; I have the method for the + threading of the needle and all, the — + + CAR. How, the method? + + SOG. Ay, the leigerity for that, and the whighhie, and the daggers in the + nose, and the travels of the egg from finger to finger, and all the humours + incident to the quality. The horse hangs at home in my parlour. I'll keep + it for a monument as long as I live, sure. + + CAR. Do so; and when you die, 'twill be an excellent trophy to hang over + your tomb. + + SOG. Mass, and I'll have a tomb, now I think on't; 'tis but so much charges. + + CAR. Best build it in your lifetime then, your heirs may hap to forget it + else. + + SOG. Nay, I mean so, I'll not trust to them. + + CAR. No, for heirs and executors are grown damnable careless, 'specially + since the ghosts of testators left walking. — How like you him, signior? + + FAST. 'Fore heavens, his humour arrides me exceedingly. + + CAR. Arrides you! + + FAST. Ay, pleases me: a pox on't! I am so haunted at the court, and at + my lodging, with your refined choice spirits, that it makes me clean of + another garb, another sheaf, I know not how! I cannot frame me to your + harsh vulgar phrase, 'tis against my genius. + + Sog. Signior Carlo! + [TAKES HIM ASIDE. + + COR. This is right to that of Horace, "Dum vitant stulti vitia, in + contraria currunt"; so this gallant labouring to avoid popularity, falls + into a habit of affectation, ten thousand times hatefuller than the former. + + CAR. [POINTING TO FASTIDIOUS.] Who, he? a gull, a fool, no salt in him + i' the earth, man; he looks like a fresh salmon kept in a tub; he'll be + spent shortly. His brain's lighter than his feather already, and his + tongue more subject to lye, than that is to wag; he sleeps with a musk-cat + every night, and walks all day hang'd in pomander chains for penance; he + has his skin tann'd in civet, to make his complexion strong, and the + sweetness of his youth lasting in the sense of his sweet lady; a good empty + puff, he loves you well, signior. + + SOG. There shall be no love lost, sir, I'll assure you. + + FAST. [ADVANCING TO THEM.] Nay, Carlo, I am not happy in thy love, I see: + pray thee suffer me to enjoy thy company a little, sweet mischief: by this + air, I shall envy this gentleman's place in thy affections, if you be thus + private, i'faith. + ENTER CINEDO. + How now! Is the knight arrived? + + CIN. No, sir, but 'tis guess'd he will arrive presently, by his fore-runners. + + FAST. His hounds! by Minerva, an excellent figure; a good boy. + + CAR. You should give him a French crown for it; the boy would find two + better figures in that, and a good figure of your bounty beside. + + FAST. Tut, the boy wants no crowns. + + CAR. No crown; speak in the singular number, and we'll believe you. + + FAST. Nay, thou are so capriciously conceited now. Sirrah damnation, I + have heard this knight Puntarvolo reported to be a gentleman of exceeding + good humour, thou know'st him; prithee, how is his disposition? I never + was so favoured of my stars, as to see him yet. Boy, do you look to the + hobby? + + CIN. Ay, sir, the groom has set him up. + [AS CINEDO IS GOING OUT, SOGLIARDO TAKES HIM ASIDE. + + FAST. 'Tis well: I rid out of my way of intent to visit him, and take + knowledge of his — Nay, good Wickedness, his humour, his humour. + + CAR. Why, he loves dogs, and hawks, and his wife well; he has a good + riding face, and he can sit a great horse; he will taint a staff well at + tile; when he is mounted he looks like the sign of the George, that's all I + know; save, that instead of a dragon, he will brandish against a tree, and + break his sword as confidently upon the knotty bark, as the other did upon + the scales of the beast. + + FAST. O, but this is nothing to that's delivered of him. They say he has + dialogues and discourses between his horse, himself, and his dog; and that + he will court his own lady, as she were a stranger never encounter'd before. + + CAR. Ay, that he will, and make fresh love to her every morning; this + gentleman has been a spectator of it, Signior Insulso. + + SOG. I am resolute to keep a page. — Say you, sir? + [LEAPS FROM WHISPERING WITH CINEDO. + + CAR. You have seen Signior Puntarvolo accost his lady? + + SOG. O, ay, sir. + + FAST. And how is the manner of it, prithee, good signior? + + SOG. Faith, sir, in very good sort; he has his humours for it, sir; + at first, (suppose he were now to come from riding or hunting, or so,) he + has his trumpet to sound, and then the waiting-gentlewoman she looks out, + and then he speaks, and then she speaks, — very pretty, i'faith, gentlemen. + + FAST. Why, but do you remember no particulars, signior? + + SOG. O, yes, sir, first, the gentlewoman, she looks out at the window. + + CAR. After the trumpet has summon'd a parle, not before? + + SOG. No, sir, not before; and then says he, — ha, ha, ha, ha! + + CAR. What says he? be not rapt so. + + SOG. Says he, — ha, ha, ha, ha! + + FAST. Nay, speak, speak. + + SOG. Ha, ha, ha! — says he, God save you, says he; — ha, ha! + + CAR. Was this the ridiculous motive to all this passion? + + SOG. Nay, that that comes after is, — ha, ha, ha, ha! + + CAR. Doubtless he apprehends more than he utters, this fellow; or else — + [A CRY OF HOUNDS WITHIN. + + SOG. List, list, they are come from hunting; stand by, close under this + terras, and you shall see it done better than I can show it. + + CAR. So it had need, 'twill scarce poise the observation else. + + SOG. Faith, I remember all, but the manner of it is quite out of my head. + + FAST. O, withdraw, withdraw, it cannot be but a most pleasing object. + [THEY STAND ASIDE. + + ENTER PUNTARVOLO, FOLLOWED BY HIS HUNTSMAN LEADING A GREYHOUND. + PUNT. Forester, give wind to thy horn. — Enough; by this the sound hath + touch'd the ears of the inclos'd: depart, leave the dog, and take with + thee what thou has deserved, the horn and thanks. + [EXIT HUNTSMAN. + + CAR. Ay, marry, there is some taste in this. + + FAST. Is't not good? + + SOG. Ah, peace; now above, now above! + [A WAITING-GENTLEWOMAN APPEARS AT THE WINDOW. + + PUNT. Stay; mine eye hath, on the instant, through the bounty of the + window, received the form of a nymph. I will step forward three paces; of + the which, I will barely retire one; and, after some little flexure of the + knee, with an erected grace salute her; one, two, and three! Sweet lady, + God save you! + + GENT. [ABOVE.] No, forsooth; I am but the waiting-gentlewoman. + + CAR. He knew that before. + + PUNT. Pardon me: 'humanum est errare'. + + CAR. He learn'd that of his chaplain. + + PUNT. To the perfection of compliment (which is the dial of the thought, + and guided by the sun of your beauties,) are required these three specials; + the gnomon, the puntilios, and the superficies: the superficies is that we + call place; the puntilios, circumstance; and the gnomon, ceremony; in + either of which, for a stranger to err, 'tis easy and facile; and such am I. + + CAR. True, not knowing her horizon, he must needs err; which I fear he + knows too well. + + PUNT. What call you the lord of the castle, sweet face? + + GENT. [ABOVE.] The lord of the castle is a knight, sir; signior Puntarvolo. + + PUNT. Puntarvolo! O — + + CAR. Now must he ruminate. + + FAST. Does the wench know him all this while, then? + + CAR. O, do you know me, man? why, therein lies the syrup of the jest; + it's a project, a designment of his own, a thing studied, and rehearst as + ordinarily at his coming from hawking or hunting, as a jig after a play. + + SOG. Ay, e'en like your jig, sir. + + PUNT. 'Tis a most sumptuous and stately edifice! Of what years is the + knight, fair damsel? + + GENT. Faith, much about your years, sir. + + PUNT. What complexion, or what stature bears he? + + GENT. Of your stature, and very near upon your complexion. + + PUNT. Mine is melancholy, — + + CAR. So is the dog's, just. + + PUNT. And doth argue constancy, chiefly in love. What are his endowments? + is he courteous? + + GENT. O, the most courteous knight in Christian land, sir. + + PUNT. Is he magnanimous? + + GENT. As the skin between your brows, sir. + + PUNT. Is he bountiful? + + CAR. 'Slud, he takes an inventory of his own good parts. + + GENT. Bountiful! ay, sir, I would you should know it; the poor are served + at his gate, early and late, sir. + + PUNT. Is he learned? + + GENT. O, ay, sir, he can speak the French and Italian. + + PUNT. Then he has travelled? + + GENT. Ay, forsooth, he hath been beyond seas once or twice. + + CAR. As far as Paris, to fetch over a fashion, and come back again. + + PUNT. Is he religious? + + GENT. Religious! I know not what you call religious, but he goes to + church, I am sure. + + FAST. 'Slid, methinks these answers should offend him. + + CAR. Tut, no; he knows they are excellent, and to her capacity that speaks + them. + + PUNT. Would I might but see his face! + + CAR. She should let down a glass from the window at that word, and request + him to look in't. + + PUNT. Doubtless the gentleman is most exact, and absolutely qualified; + doth the castle contain him? + + GENT. No, sir, he is from home, but his lady is within. + + PUNT. His lady! what, is she fair, splendidious, and amiable? + + GENT. O, Lord, sir. + + PUNT. Prithee, dear nymph, intreat her beauties to shine on this side of + the building. + [EXIT WAITING-GENTLEWOMAN FROM THE WINDOW. + + CAR. That he may erect a new dial of compliment, with his gnomons and his + puntilios. + + FAST. Nay, thou art such another cynic now, a man had need walk uprightly + before thee. + + CAR. Heart, can any man walk more upright than he does? Look, look; as if + he went in a frame, or had a suit of wainscot on: and the dog watching + him, lest he should leap out on't. + + FAST. O, villain! + + CAR. Well, an e'er I meet him in the city, I'll have him jointed, I'll + pawn him in Eastcheap, among the butchers, else. + + FAST. Peace; who be these, Carlo? + + ENTER SORDIDO AND FUNGOSO. + + SORD. Yonder's your godfather; do your duty to him, son. + + SOG. This, sir? a poor elder brother of mine, sir, a yeoman, may dispend + some seven or eight hundred a year; that's his son, my nephew, there. + + PUNT. You are not ill come, neighbour Sordido, though I have not yet said, + well-come; what, my godson is grown a great proficient by this. + + SORD. I hope he will grow great one day, sir. + + FAST. What does he study? the law? + + SOG. Ay, sir, he is a gentleman, though his father be but a yeoman. + + CAR. What call you your nephew, signior? + + SOG. Marry, his name is Fungoso. + + CAR. Fungoso! O, he look'd somewhat like a sponge in that pink'd yellow + doublet, methought; well, make much of him; I see he was never born to ride + upon a mule. + + GENT. [REAPPEARS AT THE WINDOW.] My lady will come presently, sir. + + SOG. O, now, now! + + PUNT. Stand by, retire yourselves a space; nay, pray you, forget not the + use of your hat; the air is piercing. + [SORDIDO AND FUNGOSO WITHDRAW. + + FAST. What! will not their presence prevail against the current of his + humour? + + CAR. O, no; it's a mere flood, a torrent carries all afore it. + + [LADY PUNTARVOLO APPEARS AT THE WINDOW. + PUNT. What more than heavenly pulchritude is this. + What magazine, or treasury of bliss? + Dazzle, you organs to my optic sense, + To view a creature of such eminence: + O, I am planet-struck, and in yon sphere + A brighter star than Venus doth appear! + + FAST. How! in verse! + + CAR. An extacy, an extacy, man. + + LADY P. [ABOVE] is your desire to speak with me, sir knight? + + CAR. He will tell you that anon; neither his brain nor his body are yet + moulded for an answer. + + PUNT. Most debonair, and luculent lady, I decline me as low as the basis + of your altitude. + + COR. He makes congies to his wife in geometrical proportions. + + MIT. Is it possible there should be any such humorist? + + COR. Very easily possible, sir, you see there is. + + PUNT. I have scarce collected my spirits, but lately scattered in the + administration of your form; to which, if the bounties of your mind be any + way responsible, I doubt not but my desires shall find a smooth and secure + passage. I am a poor knight-errant, lady, that hunting in the adjacent + forest, was, by adventure, in the pursuit of a hart, brought to this place; + which hart, dear madam, escaped by enchantment: the evening approaching + myself and servant wearied, my suit is, to enter your fair castle and + refresh me. + + LADY. Sir knight, albeit it be not usual with me, chiefly in the absence + of a husband, to admit any entrance to strangers, yet in the true regard of + those innated virtues, and fair parts, which so strive to express + themselves, in you; I am resolved to entertain you to the best of my + unworthy power; which I acknowledge to be nothing, valued with what so + worthy a person may deserve. Please you but stay while I descend. + [EXIT FROM THE WINDOW. + + PUNT. Most admired lady, you astonish me. + [WALKS ASIDE WITH SORDIDO AND HIS SON. + + CAR. What! with speaking a speech of your own penning? + + FAST. Nay, look: prithee, peace. + + CAR. Pox on't! I am impatient of such foppery. + + FAST. O let us hear the rest. + + CAR. What! a tedious chapter of courtship, after sir Lancelot and queen + Guenever? Away! I marle in what dull cold nook he found this lady out; + that, being a woman, she was blest with no more copy of wit but to serve + his humour thus. 'Slud, I think he feeds her with porridge, I: she could + never have such a thick brain else. + + SOG. Why, is porridge so hurtful, signior? + + CAR. O, nothing under heaven more prejudicial to those ascending subtle + powers, or doth sooner abate that which we call 'acumen ingenii', than your + gross fare: Why, I'll make you an instance; your city-wives, but observe + 'em, you have not more perfect true fools in the world bred than they are + generally; and yet you see, by the fineness and delicacy of their diet, + diving into the fat capons, drinking your rich wines, feeding on larks, + sparrows, potato-pies, and such good unctuous meats, how their wits are + refined and rarified; and sometimes a very quintessence of conceit flows + from them, able to drown a weak apprehension. + + ENTER LADY PUNTARVOLO AND HER WAITING-WOMAN. + FAST. Peace, here comes the lady.. + + LADY. Gad's me, here's company! turn in again. + [EXIT WITH HER WOMAN. + + FAST. 'Slight, our presence has cut off the convoy of the jest. + + CAR. All the better, I am glad on't; for the issue was very perspicuous. + Come let's discover, and salute the knight. + [THEY COME FORWARD. + + PUNT. Stay; who be these that address themselves towards us? What Carlo! + Now by the sincerity of my soul, welcome; welcome, gentlemen: and how dost + thou, thou 'Grand Scourge', or 'Second Untruss of the time'? + + CAR. Faith, spending my metal in this reeling world (here and there), as + the sway of my affection carries me, and perhaps stumble upon a + yeoman-feuterer, as I do now; or one of fortune's mules, laden with + treasure, and an empty cloak-bag, following him, gaping when a gab will + untie. + + PUNT. Peace, you bandog, peace! What brisk Nymphadoro is that in the + white virgin-boot there? + + CAR. Marry, sir, one that I must interest you to take a very particular + knowledge of, and with more than ordinary respect; monsieur Fastidious. + + PUNT. Sir, I could wish, that for the time of your vouchsafed abiding + here, and more real entertainment, this is my house stood on the Muses + hill, and these my orchards were those of the Hesperides. + + FAST. I possess as much in your wish, sir, as if I were made lord of the + Indies; and I pray you believe it. + + CAR. I have a better opinion of his faith, than to think it will be so + corrupted. + + SOG. Come, brother, I'll bring you acquainted with gentlemen, and good + fellows, such as shall do you more grace than — + + SORD. Brother, I hunger not for such acquaintance: Do you take heed, lest — + [CARLO COMES TOWARD THEM. + + SOG. Husht! My brother, sir, for want of education, sir, somewhat nodding + to the boor, the clown; but I request you in private, sir. + + FUNG. [LOOKING AT FASTIDIOUS BRISK.] By heaven, it is a very fine suit of + clothes. + [ASIDE. + + COR. Do you observe that signior? There's another humour has new-crack'd + the shell. + + MIT. What! he is enamour'd of the fashion, is he? + + COR. O, you forestall the jest. + + FUNG. I marle what it might stand him in. + [ASIDE. + + SOG. Nephew! + + FUNG. 'Fore me, it's an excellent suit, and as neatly becomes him. + [ASIDE.] — What said you, uncle? + + SOG. When saw you my niece? + + FUNG. Marry, yesternight I supp'd there. — That kind of boot does very + rare too. + [ASIDE. + + SOG. And what news hear you? + + FUNG. The gilt spur and all! Would I were hang'd, but 'tis exceeding + good. [ASIDE.] — Say you, uncle? + + SOG. Your mind is carried away with somewhat else: I ask what news you hear? + + FUNG. Troth, we hear none. — In good faith [LOOKING AT FASTIDIOUS BRISK] + I was never so pleased with a fashion, days of my life. O an I might have + but my wish, I'd ask no more of heaven now, but such a suit, such a hat, + such a band, such a doublet, such a hose, such a boot, and such a — + [ASIDE. + + SOG. They say, there's a new motion of the city of Nineveh, with Jonas and + the whale, to be seen at Fleet-bridge. You can tell, cousin? + + FUNG. Here's such a world of questions with him now! — Yes, I think there + be such a thing, I saw the picture. — Would he would once be satisfied! + Let me see, the doublet, say fifty shillings the doublet, and between three + or four pound the hose; then boots, hat, and band: some ten or eleven + pound will do it all, and suit me for the heavens! + [ASIDE. + + SOG. I'll see all those devices an I come to London once. + + FUNG. Ods 'slid, an I could compass it, 'twere rare [ASIDE.] — Hark you, + uncle. + + SOG. What says my nephew? + + FUNG. Faith, uncle, I would have desired you to have made a motion for me + to my father, in a thing that — Walk aside, and I'll tell you, sir; no + more but this: there's a parcel of law books (some twenty pounds worth) + that lie in a place for a little more than half the money they cost; and I + think, for some twelve pound, or twenty mark, I could go near to redeem + them; there's Plowden, Dyar, Brooke, and Fitz-Herbert, divers such as I + must have ere long; and you know, I were as good save five or six pound, as + not, uncle. I pray you, move it for me. + + SOG. That I will: when would you have me do it? presently? + + FUNG. O, ay, I pray you, good uncle: [SOGLIARDO TAKES SORDIDO ASIDE.] — + send me good luck, Lord, an't be thy will, prosper it! O my stars, now, + now, if it take now, I am made for ever. + + FAST. Shall I tell you, sir? by this air, I am the most beholden to that + lord, of any gentleman living; he does use me the most honourably, and with + the greatest respect, more indeed than can be utter'd with any opinion of + truth. + + PUNT. Then have you the count Gratiato? + + FAST. As true noble a gentleman too as any breathes; I am exceedingly + endear'd to his love: By this hand, I protest to you, signior, I speak it + not gloriously, nor out of affectation, but there's he and the count + Frugale, signior Illustre, signior Luculento, and a sort of 'em, that when + I am at court, they do share me amongst them; happy is he can enjoy me most + private. I do wish myself sometime an ubiquitary for their love, in good + faith. + + CAR. There's ne'er a one of them but might lie a week on the rack, ere + they could bring forth his name; and yet he pours them out as familiarly, + as if he had seen them stand by the fire in the presence, or ta'en tobacco + with them over the stage, in the lord's room. + + PUNT. Then you must of necessity know our court-star there, that planet of + wit, madona Saviolina? + + FAST. O Lord, sir, my mistress. + + PUNT. Is she your mistress? + + FAST. Faith, here be some slight favours of hers, sir, that do speak it, + she is; as this scarf, sir, or this ribbon in my ear, or so; this feather + grew in her sweet fan sometimes, though now it be my poor fortune to wear + it, as you see, sir: slight, slight, a foolish toy. + + PUNT. Well, she is the lady of a most exalted and ingenious spirit. + + FAST. Did you ever hear any woman speak like her? or enriched with a more + plentiful discourse? + + CAR. O villainous! nothing but sound, sound, a mere echo; she speaks as + she goes tired, in cobweb-lawn, light, thin; good enough to catch flies + withal. + + PUNT. O manage your affections. + + FAST. Well, if thou be'st not plagued for this blasphemy one day — + + PUNT. Come, regard not a jester: It is in the power of my purse to make + him speak well or ill of me. + + FAST. Sir, I affirm it to you upon my credit and judgment, she has the + most harmonious and musical strain of wit that ever tempted a true ear; and + yet to see! — a rude tongue would profane heaven, if it could. + + PUNT. I am not ignorant of it, sir. + + FAST. Oh, it flows from her like nectar, and she doth give it that sweet + quick grace, and exornation in the composure that by this good air, as I am + an honest man, would I might never stir, sir, but — she does observe as + pure a phrase, and use as choice figures in her ordinary conferences, as + any be in the 'Arcadia'. + + CAR. Or rather in Green's works, whence she may steal with more security. + + SORD. Well, if ten pound will fetch 'em, you shall have it; but I'll part + with no more. + + FUNG. I'll try what that will do, if you please. + + SORD. Do so; and when you have them, study hard. + + FUNG. Yes, sir. An I could study to get forty shillings more now! Well, + I will put myself into the fashion, as far as this will go, presently. + + SORD. I wonder it rains not: the almanack says, we should have a store of + rain to-day. + [ASIDE. + + PUNT. Why, sir, to-morrow I will associate you to court myself, and from + thence to the city about a business, a project I have; I will expose it to + you sir; Carlo, I am sure has heard of it. + + CAR. What's that, sir? + + PUNT. I do intend, this year of jubilee coming on, to travel: and because + I will not altogether go upon expense, I am determined to put forth some + five thousand pound, to be paid me five for one, upon the return of myself, + my wife, and my dog from the Turk's court in Constantinople. If all or + either of us miscarry in the journey, 'tis gone: if we be successful, why, + there will be five and twenty thousand pound to entertain time withal. + Nay, go not, neighbour Sordido; stay to-night, and help to make our society + the fuller. Gentlemen, frolic: Carlo! what! dull now? + + CAR. I was thinking on your project, sir, an you call it so. Is this the + dog goes with you? + + PUNT. This is the dog, sir. + + CAR. He does not go barefoot, does he? + + PUNT. Away, you traitor, away! + + CAR. Nay, afore God, I speak simply; he may prick his foot with a thorn, + and be as much as the whole venture is worth. Besides, for a dog that + never travell'd before, it's a huge journey to Constantinople. I'll tell + you now, an he were mine, I'd have some present conference with a + physician, what antidotes were good to give him, preservatives against + poison; for assure you, if once your money be out, there'll be divers + attempts made against the life of the poor animal. + + PUNT. Thou art still dangerous. + + FAST. Is signior Deliro's wife your kinswoman? + + SOG. Ay, sir, she is my niece, my brother's daughter here, and my nephew's + sister. + + SORD. Do you know her, sir? + + FAST. O Lord, sir! signior Deliro, her husband, is my merchant. + + FUNG. Ay, I have seen this gentleman there often. + + FAST. I cry you mercy, sir; let me crave your name, pray you. + + FUNG. Fungoso, sir. + + FAST. Good signior Fungoso, I shall request to know you better, sir. + + FUNG. I am her brother, sir. + + FAST. In fair time, sir. + + PUNT. Come, gentlemen, I will be your conduct. + + FAST. Nay, pray you sir; we shall meet at signior Deliro's often. + + SOG. You shall have me at the herald's office, sir, for some week or so at + my first coming up. Come, Carlo. + [EXEUNT. + + MIT. Methinks, Cordatus, he dwelt somewhat too long on this scene; it hung + in the hand. + + COR. I see not where he could have insisted less, and to have made the + humours perspicuous enough. + + MIT. True, as his subject lies; but he might have altered the shape of his + argument, and explicated them better in single scenes. + + COR. That had been single indeed. Why, be they not the same persons in + this, as they would have been in those? and is it not an object of more + state, to behold the scene full, and relieved with variety of speakers to + the end, than to see a vast empty stage, and the actors come in one by one, + as if they were dropt down with a feather into the eye of the spectators? + + MIT. Nay, you are better traded with these things than I, and therefore + I'll subscribe to your judgment; marry, you shall give me leave to make + objections. + + COR. O, what else? it is the special intent of the author you should do + so; for thereby others, that are present, may as well be satisfied, who + haply would object the same you would do. + + MIT. So, sir; but when appears Macilente again? + + COR. Marry, he stays but till our silence give him leave: here he comes, + and with him signior Deliro, a merchant at whose house he is come to + sojourn: make your own observation now, only transfer your thoughts to the + city, with the scene: where suppose they speak. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SCENE II. A ROOM IN DELIRO'S HOUSE. + + ENTER DELIRO, MACILENTE, AND FIDO WITH FLOWERS AND PERFUMES. + + DELI. I'll tell you by and by, sir, — + Welcome good Macilente, to my house, + To sojourn even for ever; if my best + in cates, and every sort of good entreaty, + May move you stay with me. + [HE CENSETH: THE BOY STREWS FLOWERS. + + MACI. I thank you, sir. — + And yet the muffled Fates, had it pleased them, + Might have supplied me from their own full store. + Without this word, 'I thank you', to a fool. + I see no reason why that dog call'd Chance, + Should fawn upon this fellow more than me; + I am a man, and I have limbs, flesh, blood, + Bones, sinews, and a soul, as well as he: + My parts are every way as good as his; + If I said better, why, I did not lie. + Nath'less, his wealth, but nodding on my wants, + Must make me bow, and cry, 'I thank you, sir'. + [ASIDE. + + DELI. Dispatch! take heed your mistress see you not. + + FIDO. I warrant you, sir, I'll steal by her softly. + [EXIT. + + DELI. Nay, gentle friend, be merry; raise your looks + Out of your bosom: I protest, by heaven, + You are the man most welcome in the world. + + MACI. I thank you, sir. — I know my cue, I think. + [ASIDE. + + RE-ENTER FIDO, WITH MORE PERFUMES AND FLOWERS. + FIDO. Where will you have them burn, sir? + + DELI. Here, good Fido. + What, she did not see thee? + + FIDO. No, sir. + + DELI. That is well + Strew, strew, good Fido, the freshest flowers; so! + + MACI. What means this, signior Deliro? all this censing? + + DELI. Cast in more frankincense, yet more; well said. — + O Macilente, I have such a wife! + So passing fair! so passing-fair-unkind! + But of such worth, and right to be unkind, + Since no man can be worthy of her kindness — + + MACI. What, can there not? + + DELI. No, that is as sure as death, + No man alive. I do not say, is not, + But cannot possibly be worth her kindness, + Nay, it is certain, let me do her right. + How, said I? do her right! as though I could, + As though this dull, gross tongue of mine could utter + The rare, the true, the pure, the infinite rights. + That sit, as high as I can look, within her! + + MACI. This is such dotage as was never heard. + + DELI. Well, this must needs be granted. + + MACI. Granted, quoth you? + + DELI. Nay, Macilente, do not so discredit + The goodness of your judgment to deny it. + For I do speak the very least of her: + And I would crave, and beg no more of Heaven, + For all my fortunes here, but to be able + To utter first in fit terms, what she is, + And then the true joys I conceive in her. + + MACI. Is't possible she should deserve so well, + As you pretend? + + DELI. Ay, and she knows so well + Her own deserts, that, when I strive t'enjoy them, + She weighs the things I do, with what she merits; + And, seeing my worth out-weigh'd so in her graces, + She is so solemn, so precise, so froward, + That no observance I can do to her + Can make her kind to me: if she find fault, + I mend that fault; and then she says, I faulted, + That I did mend it. Now, good friend, advise me, + How I may temper this strange spleen in her. + + MACI. You are too amorous, too obsequious, + And make her too assured she may command you. + When women doubt most of their husbands' loves, + They are most loving. Husbands must take heed + They give no gluts of kindness to their wives, + But use them like their horses; whom they feed + But half a peck at once; and keep them so + Still with an appetite to that they give them. + He that desires to have a loving wife, + Must bridle all the show of that desire: + Be kind, not amorous; nor bewraying kindness, + As if love wrought it, but considerate duty. + Offer no love rites, but let wives still seek them, + For when they come unsought, they seldom like them. + + DELI. Believe me, Macilente, this is gospel. + O, that a man were his own man so much, + To rule himself thus. I will strive, i'faith, + To be more strange and careless; yet I hope + I have now taken such a perfect course, + To make her kind to me, and live contented, + That I shall find my kindness well return'd, + And have no need to fight with my affections. + She late hath found much fault with every room + Within my house; one was too big, she said, + Another was not furnish'd to her mind, + And so through all; all which, now, I have alter'd. + Then here, she hath a place, on my back-side, + Wherein she loves to walk; and that, she said, + Had some ill smells about it: now, this walk + Have I before she knows it, thus perfumed + With herbs, and flowers; and laid in divers places, + As 'twere on altars consecrate to her, + Perfumed gloves, and delicate chains of amber, + To keep the air in awe of her sweet nostrils: + This have I done, and this I think will please her. + Behold, she comes. + + ENTER FALLACE. + FAL. Here's a sweet stink indeed! + What, shall I ever be thus crost and plagued, + And sick of husband? O, my head doth ache, + As it would cleave asunder, with these savours! + All my rooms alter'd, and but one poor walk + That I delighted in, and that is made + So fulsome with perfumes, that I am fear'd, + My brain doth sweat so, I have caught the plague! + + DELI. Why, gentle wife, is now thy walk too sweet? + Thou said'st of late, it had sour airs about it, + And found'st much fault that I did not correct it. + + FAL. Why, an I did find fault, sir? + + DELI. Nay, dear wife, + I know thou hast said thou has loved perfumes, + No woman better. + + FAL. Ay, long since, perhaps; + But now that sense is alter'd: you would have me, + Like to a puddle, or a standing pool, + To have no motion nor no spirit within me. + No. I am like a pure and sprightly river, + That moves for ever, and yet still the same; + Or fire, that burns much wood, yet still one flame. + + DELI. But yesterday, I saw thee at our garden, + Smelling on roses, and on purple flowers; + And since, I hope, the humour of thy sense + Is nothing changed. + + FAL. Why, those were growing flowers, + And these within my walk are cut and strewed. + + DELI. But yet they have one scent. + + FAL. Ay! have they so? + In your gross judgment. If you make no difference + Betwixt the scent of growing flowers and cut ones, + You have a sense to taste lamp oil, i'faith: + And with such judgment have you changed the chambers, + Leaving no room, that I can joy to be in, + In all your house; and now my walk, and all, + You smoke me from, as if I were a fox, + And long, belike, to drive me quite away: + Well, walk you there, and I'll walk where I list. + + DELI. What shall I do? O, I shall never please her. + + MACI. Out on thee, dotard! what star ruled his birth, + That brought him such a Star? blind Fortune still + Bestows her gifts on such as cannot use them: + How long shall I live, ere I be so happy + To have a wife of this exceeding form? + [ASIDE. + + DELI. Away with 'em! would I had broke a joint + When I devised this, that should so dislike her. + Away, bear all away. + [EXIT FIDO, WITH FLOWERS, ETC. + + FAL. Ay, do; for fear + Aught that is there should like her. O, this man, + How cunningly he can conceal himself, + As though he loved, nay, honour'd and ador'd! — + + DELI. Why, my sweet heart? + + FAL. Sweet heart! O, better still! + And asking, why? wherefore? and looking strangely, + As if he were as white as innocence! + Alas, you're simple, you: you cannot change, + Look pale at pleasure, and then red with wonder; + No, no, not you! 'tis pity o' your naturals. + I did but cast an amorous eye, e'en now, + Upon a pair of gloves that somewhat liked me, + And straight he noted it, and gave command + All should be ta'en away. + + DELI. Be they my bane then! + What, sirrah, Fido, bring in those gloves again + You took from hence. + + FAL. 'Sbody, sir, but do not: + Bring in no gloves to spite me; if you do — + DELI. Ay me, most wretched; how am I misconstrued! + + MACI. O, how she tempts my heart-strings with her eye, + To knit them to her beauties, or to break! + What mov'd the heavens, that they could not make + Me such a woman! but a man, a beast, + That hath no bliss like others? Would to heaven, + In wreak of my misfortunes, I were turn'd + To some fair water-nymph, that set upon + The deepest whirl-pit of the rav'nous seas, + My adamantine eyes might headlong hale + This iron world to me, and drown it all. + + [ASIDE. + COR. Behold, behold, the translated gallant. + + MIT. O, he is welcome. + + ENTER FUNGOSO, APPARELLED LIKE FASTIDIOUS BRISK. + FUNG. Save you, brother and sister; save you, sir! I have commendations + for you out o' the country. I wonder they take no knowledge of my suit: + [ASIDE.] — Mine uncle Sogliardo is in town. Sister methinks you are + melancholy; why are you so sad? I think you took me for Master Fastidious + Brisk, sister, did you not? + + FAL. Why should I take you for him? + + FUNG. Nay, nothing. — I was lately in Master Fastidious's company, and + methinks we are very like. + + DELI. You have a fair suit, brother, 'give you joy on't. + + FUNG. Faith, good enough to ride in, brother; I made it to ride in. + + FAL. O, now I see the cause of his idle demand was his new suit. + + DELI. Pray you, good brother, try if you can change her mood. + + FUNG. I warrant you, let me alone: I'll put her out of her dumps. + Sister, how like you my suit! + + FAL. O, you are a gallant in print now, brother. + + FUNG. Faith, how like you the fashion? it is the last edition, I assure you. + + FAL. I cannot but like it to the desert. + + FUNG. Troth, sister, I was fain to borrow these spurs, I have left my gown + in the gage for them, pray you lend me an angel. + + FAL. Now, beshrew my heart then. + + FUNG. Good truth, I'll pay you again at my next exhibition. I had but + bare ten pound of my father, and it would not reach to put me wholly into + the fashion. + + FAL. I care not. + + FUNG. I had spurs of mine own before, but they were not ginglers. + Monsieur Fastidious will be here anon, sister. + + FAL. You jest! + + FUNG. Never lend me penny more while you live then; and that I'd be loth + to say, in truth. + + FAL. When did you see him? + + FUNG. Yesterday; I came acquainted with him at Sir Puntarvolo's: nay, + sweet sister. + + MACI. I fain would know of heaven now, why yond fool + Should wear a suit of satin? he? that rook, + That painted jay, with such a deal of outside: + What is his inside, trow? ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! + Good heavens, give me patience, patience, patience. + A number of these popinjays there are, + Whom, if a man confer, and but examine + Their inward merit, with such men as want; + Lord, lord, what things they are! + [ASIDE. + + FAL. [GIVES HIM MONEY.] Come, when will you pay me again, now? + + FUNG. O lord, sister! + + MACI. Here comes another. + + ENTER FASTIDIOUS BRISK, IN A NEW SUIT. + FAST. Save you, signior Deliro! How dost thou, sweet lady? let me kiss thee. + + FUNG. How! a new suit? ah me! + + DELI. And how does master Fastidious Brisk? + + FAST. Faith, live in court, signior Deliro; in grace, I thank God, both of + the noble masculine and feminine. I muse speak with you in private by and + by. + + DELI. When you please, sir. + + FAL. Why look you so pale, brother? + + FUNG. 'Slid, all this money is cast away now. + + MACI. Ay, there's a newer edition come forth. + + FUNG. 'Tis but my hard fortune! well, I'll have my suit changed. I'll go + fetch my tailor presently but first, I'll devise a letter to my father. + Have you any pen and ink, sister? + + FAL. What would you do withal? + + FUNG. I would use it. 'Slight, an it had come but four days sooner, the + fashion. + [EXIT. + + FAST. There was a countess gave me her hand to kiss to-day, i' the + presence: did me more good by that light than — and yesternight sent her + coach twice to my lodging, to intreat me accompany her, and my sweet + mistress, with some two or three nameless ladies more: O, I have been + graced by them beyond all aim of affection: this is her garter my dagger + hangs in: and they do so commend and approve my apparel, with my judicious + wearing of it, it's above wonder. + + FAL. Indeed, sir, 'tis a most excellent suit, and you do wear it as + extraordinary. + + FAST. Why, I'll tell you now, in good faith, and by this chair, which, by + the grace of God, I intend presently to sit in, I had three suits in one + year made three great ladies in love with me: I had other three, undid + three gentlemen in imitation: and other three gat three other gentlemen + widows of three thousand pound a year. + + DELI. Is't possible? + + FAST. O, believe it, sir; your good face is the witch, and your apparel + the spells, that bring all the pleasures of the world into their circle. + + FAL. Ah, the sweet grace of a courtier! + + MACI. Well, would my father had left me but a good face for my portion + yet! though I had shared the unfortunate with that goes with it, I had not + cared; I might have passed for somewhat in the world then. + + FAST. Why, assure you, signior, rich apparel has strange virtues: it + makes him that hath it without means, esteemed for an excellent wit: he + that enjoys it with means, puts the world in remembrance of his means: it + helps the deformities of nature, and gives lustre to her beauties; makes + continual holiday where it shines; sets the wits of ladies at work, that + otherwise would be idle; furnisheth your two-shilling ordinary; takes + possession of your stage at your new play; and enricheth your oars, as + scorning to go with your scull. + + MACI. Pray you, sir, add this; it gives respect to your fools, makes many + thieves, as many strumpets, and no fewer bankrupts. + + FAL. Out, out! unworthy to speak where he breatheth. + + FAST. What's he, signior? + + DELI. A friend of mine, sir. + + FAST. By heaven I wonder at you citizens, what kind of creatures you are! + + DELI. Why, sir? + + FAST. That you can consort yourselves with such poor seam-rent fellows. + + FAL. He says true. + + DELI. Sir, I will assure you, however you esteem of him, he's a man worthy + of regard. + + FAST. Why, what has he in him of such virtue to be regarded, ha? + + DELI. Marry, he is a scholar, sir. + + FAST. Nothing else! + + DELI. And he is well travell'd. + + FAST. He should get him clothes; I would cherish those good parts of + travel in him, and prefer him to some nobleman of good place. + + DELI. Sir, such a benefit should bine me to you for ever, in my friend's + right; and I doubt not, but his desert shall more than answer my praise. + + FAST. Why, an he had good clothes, I'd carry him to court with me to-morrow. + + DELI. He shall not want for those, sir, if gold and the whole city will + furnish him. + + FAST. You say well, sir: faith, signior Deliro, I am come to have you + play the alchemist with me, and change the species of my land into that + metal you talk of. + + DELI. With all my heart, sir; what sum will serve you? + + FAST. Faith, some three or four hundred. + + DELI. Troth, sir, I have promised to meet a gentleman this morning in + Paul's, but upon my return I'll dispatch you. + + FAST. I'll accompany you thither. + + DELI. As you please, sir; but I go not thither directly. + + FAST. 'Tis no matter, I have no other designment in hand, and therefore as + good go along. + + DELI. I were as good have a quartain fever follow me now, for I shall + ne'er be rid of him. Bring me a cloak there, one. Still, upon his grace + at court, I am sure to be visited; I was a beast to give him any hope. + Well, would I were in, that I am out with him once, and — Come, signior + Macilente, I must confer with you, as we go. Nay, dear wife, I beseech + thee, forsake these moods: look not like winter thus. Here, take my keys, + open my counting-houses, spread all my wealth before thee, choose any + object that delights thee: if thou wilt eat the spirit of gold, and drink + dissolved pearl in wine, 'tis for thee. + + FAL. So, sir! + + DELI. Nay, my sweet wife. + + FAL. Good lord, how you are perfumed in your terms and all! pray you + leave us. + + DELI. Come, gentlemen. + + FAST. Adieu, sweet lady. + [EXEUNT ALL BUT FALLACE. + + FAL. Ay, ay! let thy words ever sound in mine ears, and thy graces + disperse contentment through all my senses! O, how happy is that lady + above other ladies, that enjoys so absolute a gentleman to her servant! "A + countess gives him her hand to kiss": ah, foolish countess! he's a man + worthy, if a woman may speak of a man's worth, to kiss the lips of an + empress. + + RE-ENTER FUNGOSO, WITH HIS TAILOR. + FUNG. What's master Fastidious gone, sister? + + FAL. Ay, brother. — He has a face like a cherubin! + [ASIDE. + + FUNG. 'Ods me, what luck's this? I have fetch'd my tailor and all: which + way went he, sister, can you tell? + + FAL. Not I, in good faith — and he has a body like an angel! + [ASIDE. + + FUNG. How long is't since he went? + + FAL. Why, but e'en now; did you not meet him? — and a tongue able to + ravish any woman in the earth. + [ASIDE. + + FUNG. O, for God's sake — I'll please you for your pains, [TO HIS + TAILOR.] — But e'en now, say you? Come, good sir: 'slid, I had forgot it + too: if any body ask for mine uncle Sogliardo, they shall have him at the + herald's office yonder, by Paul's + [EXIT WITH HIS TAILOR. + + FAL. Well, I will not altogether despair: I have heard of a citizen's + wife has been beloved of a courtier; and why not I? heigh, ho! well, I + will into my private chamber, lock the door to me, and think over all his + good parts one after another. + [EXIT. + + MIT. Well, I doubt, this last scene will endure some grievous torture. + + COR. How? you fear 'twill be rack'd by some hard construction? + + MIT. Do not you? + + COR. No, in good faith: unless mine eyes could light me beyond sense. I + see no reason why this should be more liable to the rack than the rest: + you'll say, perhaps, the city will not take it well that the merchant is + made here to doat so perfectly upon his wife; and she again to be so + 'Fastidiously' affected as she is. + + MIT. You have utter'd my thought, sir, indeed. + + COR. Why, by that proportion, the court might as well take offence at him + we call the courtier, and with much more pretext, by how much the place + transcends, and goes before in dignity and virtue: but can you imagine + that any noble or true spirit in court, whose sinewy and altogether + unaffected graces, very worthily express him a courtier, will make any + exception at the opening of such as empty trunk as this Brisk is? or think + his own worth impeached, by beholding his motley inside? + + MIT. No, sir, I do not. + + COR. No more, assure you, will any grave, wise citizen, or modest matron, + take the object of this folly in Deliro and his wife; but rather apply it + as the foil to their own virtues. For that were to affirm, that a man + writing of Nero, should mean all emperors; or speaking of Machiavel, + comprehend all statesmen; or in our Sordido, all farmers; and so of the + rest: than which nothing can be uttered more malicious or absurd. Indeed + there are a sort of these narrow-eyed decypherers, I confess, that will + extort strange and abstruse meanings out of any subject, be it never so + conspicuous and innocently delivered. But to such, where'er they sit + concealed, let them know, the author defies them and their writing-tables; + and hopes no sound or safe judgment will infect itself with their + contagious comments, who, indeed, come here only to pervert and poison the + sense of what they hear, and for nought else. + + ENTER CAVALIER SHIFT, WITH TWO SI-QUISSES (BILLS) IN HIS HAND. + MIT. Stay, what new mute is this, that walks so suspiciously? + + COR. O, marry, this is one, for whose better illustration, we must desire + you to presuppose the stage, the middle aisle in Paul's, and that, the west + end of it. + + MIT. So, sir, and what follows? + + COR. Faith, a whole volume of humour, and worthy the unclasping. + + MIT. As how? What name do you give him first? + + COR. He hath shift of names, sir: some call him Apple-John, some signior + Whiffe; marry, his main standing name is cavalier Shirt: the rest are but + as clean shirts to his natures. + + MIT. And what makes he in Paul's now? + + COR. Troth, as you see, for the advancement of a 'si quis', or two; + wherein he has so varied himself, that if any of 'em take, he may hull up + and down in the humorous world a little longer. + + MIT. It seems then he bears a very changing sail? + + COR. O, as the wind, sir: here comes more. +</pre> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0005" id="link2H_4_0005"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + ACT III + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SCENE I. — THE MIDDLE AISLE OF ST. PAUL'S. + + SHIFT. [COMING FORWARD.] This is rare, I have set up my bills without + discovery. + + [ENTER ORANGE. + ORANGE. What, signior Whiffe! what fortune has brought you into these + west parts? + + SHIFT. Troth, signior, nothing but your rheum; I have been taking an ounce + of tobacco hard by here, with a gentleman, and I am come to spit private in + Paul's. 'Save you, sir. + + ORANGE. Adieu, good signior Whiffe. + [PASSES ONWARD. + + [ENTER CLOVE. + CLOVE. Master Apple-John! you are well met; when shall we sup together, + and laugh, and be fat with those good wenches, ha? + + SHIFT. Faith, sir, I must now leave you, upon a few humours and occasions; + but when you please, sir. + [EXIT. + + CLOVE. Farewell, sweet Apple-John! I wonder there are no more store of + gallants here. + + MIT. What be these two, signior? + + COR. Marry, a couple, sir, that are mere strangers to the whole scope of + our play; only come to walk a turn or two in this scene of Paul's, by + chance. + + ORANGE. Save you, good master Clove! + + CLOVE. Sweet master Orange. + + MIT. How! Clove and Orange? + + COR. Ay, and they are well met, for 'tis as dry an Orange as ever grew: + nothing but salutation, and "O lord, sir!" and "It pleases you to say so, + sir!" one that can laugh at a jest for company with a most plausible and + extemporal grade; and some hour after in private ask you what it was. The + other monsieur, Clove, is a more spiced youth; he will sit you a whole + afternoon sometimes in a bookseller's shop, reading the Greek, Italian, and + Spanish, when he understands not a word of either; if he had the tongues to + his suits, he were an excellent linguist. + + CLOVE. Do you hear this reported for certainty? + + ORANGE. O lord, sir. + + [ENTER PUNTARVOLO AND CARLO, FOLLOWED BY TWO SERVING-MEN, ONE LEADING A + DOG, THE OTHER BEARING A BAG. + + PUNT. Sirrah, take my cloak; and you, sir knave, follow me closer. If + thou losest my dog, thou shalt die a dog's death; I will hang thee. + + CAR. Tut, fear him not, he's a good lean slave; he loves a dog well, I + warrant him; I see by his looks, I: — Mass, he's somewhat like him. 'Slud + [TO THE SERVANT.] poison him, make him away with a crooked pin, or + somewhat, man; thou may'st have more security of thy life; and — So sir; + what! you have not put out your whole venture yet, have you? + + PUNT. No, I do want yet some fifteen or sixteen hundred pounds; but my + lady, my wife, is 'Out of her Humour', she does not now go. + + CAR. No! how then? + + PUNT. Marry, I am now enforced to give it out, upon the return of myself, + my dog, and my cat. + + CAR. Your cat! where is she? + + PUNT. My squire has her there, in the bag; sirrah, look to her. How + lik'st thou my change, Carlo? + + CAR. Oh, for the better, sir; your cat has nine lives, and your wife has + but one. + + PUNT. Besides, she will never be sea-sick, which will save me so much in + conserves. When saw you signior Sogliardo? + + CAR. I came from him but now; he is at the herald's office yonder; he + requested me to go afore, and take up a man or two for him in Paul's, + against his cognisance was ready. + + PUNT. What, has he purchased arms, then? + + CAR. Ay, and rare ones too; of as many colours as e'er you saw any fool's + coat in your life. I'll go look among yond' bills, an I can fit him with + legs to his arms. + + PUNT. With legs to his arms! Good! I will go with you, sir. + [THEY GO TO READ THE BILLS. + + ENTER FASTIDIOUS, DELIRO, AND MACILENTE. + FAST. Come, let's walk in Mediterraneo: I assure you, sir, I am not the + least respected among ladies; but let that pass: do you know how to go + into the presence, sir? + + MACI. Why, on my feet, sir. + + FAST. No, on your head, sir; for 'tis that must bear you out, I assure + you; as thus, sir. You must first have an especial care so to wear your + hat, that it oppress not confusedly this your predominant, or foretop; + because, when you come at the presence-door, you may with once or twice + stroking up your forehead, thus, enter with your predominant perfect; that + is, standing up stiff. + + MACI. As if one were frighted? + + FAST. Ay, sir. + + MACI. Which, indeed, a true fear of your mistress should do, rather than + gum-water, or whites of eggs; is't not so, sir? + + FAST. An ingenious observation. Give me leave to crave your name, sir? + + DELI. His name is Macilente, sir. + + FAST. Good signior Macilente, if this gentleman, signior Deliro, furnish + you, as he says he will, with clothes, I will bring you, to-morrow by this + time, into the presence of the most divine and acute lady in court; you + shall see sweet silent rhetorick, and dumb eloquence speaking in her eye, + but when she speaks herself, such an anatomy of wit, so sinewised and + arterised, that 'tis the goodliest model of pleasure that ever was to + behold. Oh! she strikes the world into admiration of her; O, O, O! I + cannot express them, believe me. + + MACI. O, your only admiration is your silence, sir. + + PUNT. 'Fore God, Carlo, this is good! let's read them again. + [READS THE BILL. + "If there be any lady or gentlewoman of good carriage that is desirous to + entertain to her private uses, a young, straight, and upright gentleman, of + the age of five or six and twenty at the most; who can serve in the nature + of a gentleman-usher, and hath little legs of purpose, and a black satin + suit of his own, to go before her in; which suit, for the more sweetening, + now lies in lavender; and can hide his face with her fan, if need require; + or sit in the cold at the stair foot for her, as well as another gentleman: + let her subscribe her name and place, and diligent respect shall be given." + + PUNT. This is above measure excellent, ha! + + CAR. No, this, this! here's a fine slave. + [READS. + "If this city, or the suburbs of the same, do afford any young gentleman of + the first, second, or third head, more or less, whose friends are but + lately deceased, and whose lands are but new come into his hands, that, to + be as exactly qualified as the best of our ordinary gallants are, is + affected to entertain the most gentleman-like use of tobacco; as first, to + give it the most exquisite perfume; then, to know all the delicate sweet + forms for the assumption of it; as also the rare corollary and practice of + the Cuban ebolition, euripus and whiff, which he shall receive or take in + here at London, and evaporate at Uxbridge, or farther, if it please him. + If there be any such generous spirit, that is truly enamoured of these good + faculties; may it please him, but by a note of his hand to specify the + place or ordinary where he uses to eat and lie; and most sweet attendance, + with tobacco and pipes of the best sort, shall be ministered. 'Stet, + quaeso, candide Lector.'" + + PUNT. Why, this is without parallel, this. + + CAR. Well, I'll mark this fellow for Sogliardo's use presently. + + PUNT. Or rather, Sogliardo, for his use. + + CAR. Faith, either of them will serve, they are both good properties: + I'll design the other a place too, that we may see him. + + PUNT. No better place than the Mitre, that we may be spectators with you, + Carlo. Soft, behold who enters here: + ENTER SOGLIARDO. + Signior Sogliardo! save you. + + SOG. Save you, good sir Puntarvolo; your dog's in health, sir, I see: How + now, Carlo? + + CAR. We have ta'en simple pains, to choose you out followers here. + [SHOWS HIM THE BILLS. + + PUNT. Come hither, signior. + + CLOVE. Monsieur Orange, yon gallants observe us; prithee let's talk + fustian a little, and gull them; make them believe we are great scholars. + + ORANGE. O lord, sir! + + CLOVE. Nay, prithee let us, believe me, — you have an excellent habit in + discourse. + + ORANGE. It pleases you to say so, sir. + + CLOVE. By this church, you have, la; nay, come, begin — Aristotle, in his + daemonologia, approves Scaliger for the best navigator in his time; and in + his hypercritics, he reports him to be Heautontimorumenos: — you + understand the Greek, sir? + + ORANGE. O, good sir! + + MACI. For society's sake he does. O, here be a couple of fine tame parrots! + + CLOVE. Now, sir, whereas the ingenuity of the time and the soul's + synderisis are but embrions in nature, added to the panch of Esquiline, and + the inter-vallum of the zodiac, besides the ecliptic line being optic, and + not mental, but by the contemplative and theoric part thereof, doth + demonstrate to us the vegetable circumference, and the ventosity of the + tropics, and whereas our intellectual, or mincing capreal (according to the + metaphysicks) as you may read in Plato's Histriomastix — You conceive me + sir? + + ORANGE. O lord, sir! + + CLOVE. Then coming to the pretty animal, as reason long since is fled to + animals, you know, or indeed for the more modelising, or enamelling, or + rather diamondising of your subject, you shall perceive the hypothesis, or + galaxia, (whereof the meteors long since had their initial inceptions and + notions,) to be merely Pythagorical, mathematical, and aristocratical — + For, look you, sir, there is ever a kind of concinnity and species — Let + us turn to our former discourse, for they mark us not. + + FAST. Mass, yonder's the knight Puntarvolo. + + DELI. And my cousin Sogliardo, methinks. + + MACI. Ay, and his familiar that haunts him, the devil with the shining face. + + DELI. Let 'em alone, observe 'em not. + [SOGLIARDO, PUNTARVOLO, AND CARLO, WALK TOGETHER. + + SOG. Nay, I will have him, I am resolute for that. By this parchment, + gentlemen, I have been so toiled among the harrots yonder, you will not + believe! they do speak in the strangest language, and give a man the + hardest terms for his money, that ever you knew. + + CAR. But have you arms, have you arms? + + SOG. I'faith, I thank them; I can write myself gentleman now; here's my + patent, it cost me thirty pound, by this breath. + + PUNT. A very fair coat, well charged, and full of armory. + + SOG. Nay, it has as much variety of colours in it, as you have seen a coat + have; how like you the crest, sir? + + PUNT. I understand it not well, what is't? + + SOG. Marry, sir, it is your boar without a head, rampant. A boar without + a head, that's very rare! + + CAR. Ay, and rampant too! troth, I commend the herald's wit, he has + decyphered him well: a swine without a head, without brain, wit, anything + indeed, ramping to gentility. You can blazon the rest, signior, can you + not? + + SOG. O, ay, I have it in writing here of purpose; it cost me two shilling + the tricking. + + CAR. Let's hear, let's hear. + + PUNT. It is the most vile, foolish, absurd, palpable, and ridiculous + escutcheon that ever this eye survised. — Save you, good monsieur + Fastidious. + [THEY SALUTE AS THEY MEET IN THE WALK. + + COR. Silence, good knight; on, on. + + SOG. [READS.] "Gyrony of eight pieces; azure and gules; between three + plates, a chevron engrailed checquy, or, vert, and ermins; on a chief + argent, between two ann'lets sable, a boar's head, proper." + + CAR. How's that! on a chief argent? + + SOG. [READS.] "On a chief argent, a boar's head proper, between two + ann'lets sable." + + CAR. 'Slud, it's a hog's cheek and puddings in a pewter field, this. + [HERE THEY SHIFT. FASTIDIOUS MIXES WITH PUNTARVOLO; CARLO AND SOGLIARDO; + DELIRO AND MACILENTE; CLOVE AND ORANGE; FOUR COUPLE. + + SOG. How like you them, signior? + + PUNT. Let the word be, 'Not without mustard': your crest is very rare, sir. + + CAR. A frying-pan to the crest, had had no fellow. + + FAST. Intreat your poor friend to walk off a little, signior, I will + salute the knight. + + CAR. Come, lap it up, lap it up. + + FAST. You are right well encounter'd, sir; how does your fair dog? + + PUNT. In reasonable state, sir; what citizen is that you were consorted + with? A merchant of any worth? + + FAST. 'Tis signior Deliro, sir. + + PUNT. Is it he? — Save you, sir! + [THEY SALUTE. + + DELI. Good sir Puntarvolo! + + MACI. O what copy of fool would this place minister, to one endued with + patience to observe it! + + CAR. Nay, look you, sir, now you are a gentleman, you must carry a more + exalted presence, change your mood and habit to a more austere form; be + exceeding proud, stand upon your gentility, and scorn every man; speak + nothing humbly, never discourse under a nobleman, though you never saw him + but riding to the star-chamber, it's all one. Love no man: trust no man: + speak ill of no man to his face; nor well of any man behind his back. + Salute fairly on the front, and wish them hanged upon the turn. Spread + yourself upon his bosom publicly, whose heart you would eat in private. + These be principles, think on them; I'll come to you again presently. + [EXIT. + + PUNT. [TO HIS SERVANT.] Sirrah, keep close; yet not so close: thy breath + will thaw my ruff. + + SOG. O, good cousin, I am a little busy, how does my niece? I am to walk + with a knight, here. + + ENTER FUNGOSO WITH HIS TAILOR. + FUNG. O, he is here; look you, sir, that's the gentleman. + + TAI. What, he in the blush-coloured satin? + + FUNG. Ay, he, sir; though his suit blush, he blushes not, look you, that's + the suit, sir: I would have mine such a suit without difference, such + stuff, such a wing, such a sleeve, such a skirt, belly and all; therefore, + pray you observe it. Have you a pair of tables? + + FAST. Why, do you see, sir, they say I am fantastical; why, true, I know + it, and I pursue my humour still, in contempt of this censorious age. + 'Slight, an a man should do nothing but what a sort of stale judgments + about him this town will approve in him, he were a sweet ass: I'd beg him, + i'faith. I ne'er knew any more find fault with a fashion, than they that + knew not how to put themselves into it. For mine own part, so I please + mine own appetite, I am careless what the fusty world speaks of me. Puh! + + FUNG. Do you mark, how it hangs at the knee there? + + TAI. I warrant you, sir. + + FUNG. For God's sake do, not all; do you see the collar, sir? + + TAI. Fear nothing, it shall not differ in a stitch, sir. + + FUNG. Pray heaven it do not! you'll make these linings serve, and help me + to a chapman for the outside, will you? + + TAI. I'll do my best, sir: you'll put it off presently. + + FUNG. Ay, go with me to my chamber you shall have it — but make haste of + it, for the love of a customer; for I'll sit in my old suit, or else lie a + bed, and read the 'Arcadia' till you have done. + [EXIT WITH HIS TAILOR. + + RE-ENTER CARLO. + CAR. O, if ever you were struck with a jest, gallants, now, now, now, I do + usher the most strange piece of military profession that ever was + discovered in 'Insula Paulina'. + + FAST. Where? where? + + PUNT. What is he for a creature? + + CAR. A pimp, a pimp, that I have observed yonder, the rarest superficies + of a humour; he comes every morning to empty his lungs in Paul's here; and + offers up some five or six hecatombs of faces and sighs, and away again. + Here he comes; nay, walk, walk, be not seen to note him, and we shall have + excellent sport. + + ENTER SHIFT; AND WALKS BY, USING ACTION TO HIS RAPIER. + PUNT. 'Slid, he vented a sigh e'en now, I thought he would have blown up + the church. + + CAR. O, you shall have him give a number of those false fires ere he depart. + + FAST. See, now he is expostulating with his rapier: look, look! + + CAR. Did you ever in your days observe better passion over a hilt? + + PUNT. Except it were in the person of a cutlet's boy, or that the fellow + were nothing but vapour, I should think it impossible. + + CAR. See again, he claps his sword o' the head, as who should say, well, + go to. + + FAST. O violence! I wonder the blade can contain itself, being so provoked. + + CAR. "With that the moody squire thumpt his breast, + And rear'd his eyen to heaven for revenge." + + SOG. Troth, an you be good gentlemen, let's make them friends, and take up + the matter between his rapier and him. + + CAR. Nay, if you intend that, you must lay down the matter; for this + rapier, it seems, is in the nature of a hanger-on, and the good gentleman + would happily be rid of him. + + FAST. By my faith, and 'tis to be suspected; I'll ask him. + + MACI. O, here's rich stuff! for life's sake, let us go: + A man would wish himself a senseless pillar, + Rather than view these monstrous prodigies: + "Nil habet infelix paupertas durius in se, + Quam quod ridiculos homines facit —" + [EXIT WITH DELIRO. + + FAST. Signior. + + SHIFT. At your service. + + FAST. Will you sell your rapier? + + CAR. He is turn'd wild upon the question; he looks as he had seen a serjeant. + + SHIFT. Sell my rapier! now fate bless me! + + PUNT. Amen. + + SHIFT. You ask'd me if I would sell my rapier, sir? + + FAST. I did indeed. + + SHIFT. Now, lord have mercy upon me! + + PUNT. Amen, I say still. + + SHIFT. 'Slid, sir, what should you behold in my face, sir, that should + move you, as they say, sir, to ask me, sir, if I would sell my rapier? + + FAST. Nay, let me pray you sir, be not moved: I protest, I would rather + have been silent, than any way offensive, had I known your nature. + + SHIFT. Sell my rapier? 'ods lid! — Nay, sir, for mine own part, as I am + a man that has serv'd in causes, or so, so I am not apt to injure any + gentleman in the degree of falling foul, but — sell my rapier! I will + tell you, sir, I have served with this foolish rapier, where some of us + dare not appear in haste; I name no man; but let that pass. Sell my + rapier! — death to my lungs! This rapier, sir, has travell'd by my side, + sir, the best part of France, and the Low Country: I have seen Flushing, + Brill, and the Hague, with this rapier, sir, in my Lord of Leicester's + time; and by God's will, he that should offer to disrapier me now, I would + — Look you, sir, you presume to be a gentleman of sort, and so likewise + your friends here; if you have any disposition to travel for the sight of + service, or so, one, two, or all of you, I can lend you letters to divers + officers and commanders in the Low Countries, that shall for my cause do + you all the good offices, that shall pertain or belong to gentleman of your + —— [LOWERING HIS VOICE.] Please you to shew the bounty of your mind, + sir, to impart some ten groats, or half a crown to our use, till our + ability be of growth to return it, and we shall think oneself —— 'Sblood! + sell my rapier! + + SOG. I pray you, what said he, signior? he's a proper man. + + FAST. Marry, he tells me, if I please to shew the bounty of my mind, to + impart some ten groats to his use, or so — + + PUNT. Break his head, and give it him. + + CAR. I thought he had been playing o' the Jew's trump, I. + + SHIFT. My rapier! no, sir; my rapier is my guard, my defence, my revenue, + my honour; — if you cannot impart, be secret, I beseech you — and I will + maintain it, where there is a grain of dust, or a drop of water. [SIGHS.] + Hard is the choice when the valiant must eat their arms, or clem. Sell my + rapier! no, my dear, I will not be divorced from thee, yet; I have ever + found thee true as steel, and — You cannot impart, sir? — Save you, + gentlemen; — nevertheless, if you have a fancy to it, sir — + + FAST. Prithee away: Is signior Deliro departed? + + CAR. Have you seen a pimp outface his own wants better? + + SOG. I commend him that can dissemble them so well. + + PUNT. True, and having no better a cloak for it than he has neither. + + FAST. Od's precious, what mischievous luck is this! adieu, gentlemen. + + PUNT. Whither in such haste, monsieur Fastidious? + + FAST. After my merchant, signior Deliro, sir. + [EXIT. + + CAR. O hinder him not, he may hap lose his title; a good flounder, i'faith. + [ORANGE AND CLOVE CALL SHIFT ASIDE. + + CAR. How! signior Whiffe? + + ORANGE. What was the difference between that gallant that's gone and you, sir? + + SHIFT. No difference; he would have given me five pound for my rapier, and + I refused it; that's all. + + CLOVE. O, was it no otherwise? we thought you had been upon some terms. + + SHIFT. No other than you saw, sir. + + CLOVE. Adieu, good master Apple-John. + [EXIT WITH ORANGE. + + CAR. How! Whiffe, and Apple-John too? Heart, what will you say if this + be the appendix or label to both you indentures? + + PUNT. It may be. + + CAR. Resolve us of it, Janus, thou that look'st every way; or thou, + Hercules, that has travelled all countries. + + PUNT. Nay, Carlo, spend not time in invocations now, 'tis late. + + CAR. Signior, here's a gentleman desirous of your name, sir. + + SHIFT. Sir, my name is cavalier Shift: I am known sufficiently in this + walk, sir. + + CAR. Shift! I heard your name varied even now, as I take it. + + SHIFT. True, sir, it pleases the world, as I am her excellent tobacconist, + to give me the style of signior Whiffe; as I am a poor esquire about the + town here, they call me master Apple-John. Variety of good names does + well, sir. + + CAR. Ay, and good parts, to make those good names; out of which I imagine + yon bills to be yours. + + SHIFT. Sir, if I should deny the manuscripts, I were worthy to be banish'd + the middle aisle for ever. + + CAR. I take your word, sir: this gentleman has subscribed to them, and is + most desirous to become your pupil. Marry, you must use expedition. + Signior Insulso Sogliardo, this is the professor. + + SOG. In good time, sir: nay, good sir, house your head; do you profess + these sleights in tobacco? + + SHIFT. I do more than profess, sir, and, if you please to be a + practitioner, I will undertake in one fortnight to bring you, that you + shall take it plausibly in any ordinary, theatre, or the Tilt-yard, if need + be, in the most popular assembly that is. + + PUNT. But you cannot bring him to the whiffe so soon? + + SHIFT. Yes, as soon, sir; he shall receive the first, second, and third + whiffe, if it please him, and, upon the receipt, take his horse, drink his + three cups of canary, and expose one at Hounslow, a second at Stains, and a + third at Bagshot. + + CAR. Baw-waw! + + SOG. You will not serve me, sir, will you? I'll give you more than + countenance. + + SHIFT. Pardon me, sir, I do scorn to serve any man. + + CAR. Who! he serve? 'sblood, he keeps high men, and low men, he! he has + a fair living at Fullam. + + SHIFT. But in the nature of a fellow, I'll be your follower, if you please. + + SOG. Sir, you shall stay, and dine with me, and if we can agree, we'll not + part in haste: I am very bountiful to men of quality. Where shall we go, + signior? + + PUNT. Your Mitre is your best house. + + SHIFT. I can make this dog take as many whiffes as I list, and he shall + retain, or effume them, at my pleasure. + + PUNT. By your patience, follow me, fellows. + + SOG. Sir Puntarvolo! + + PUNT. Pardon me, my dog shall not eat in his company for a million. + [EXIT WITH HIS SERVANTS. + + CAR. Nay, be not you amazed, signior Whiffe, whatever that stiff-necked + gentleman says. + + SOG. No, for you do not know the humour of the dog, as we do: Where shall + we dine, Carlo? I would fain go to one of these ordinaries, now I am a + gentleman. + + CAR. So you may; were you never at any yet? + + SOG. No, faith; but they say there resorts your most choice gallants. + + CAR. True, and the fashion is, when any stranger comes in amongst 'em, + they all stand up and stare at him, as he were some unknown beast, brought + out of Africk; but that will be helped with a good adventurous face. You + must be impudent enough, sit down, and use no respect: when anything's + propounded above your capacity smile at it, make two or three faces, and + 'tis excellent; they'll think you have travell'd; though you argue, a whole + day, in silence thus, and discourse in nothing but laughter, 'twill pass. + Only, now and then, give fire, discharge a good full oath, and offer a + great wager; 'twill be admirable. + + SOG. I warrant you, I am resolute; come, good signior, there's a poor + French crown for your ordinary. + + SHIFT. It comes well, for I had not so much as the least portcullis of + coin before. + + MIT. I travail with another objection, signior, which I fear will be + enforced against the author, ere I can be deliver'd of it. + + COR. What's that sir? + + MIT. That the argument of his comedy might have been of some other nature, + as of a duke to be in love with a countess, and that countess to be in love + with the duke's son, and the son to love the lady's waiting maid; some such + cross wooing, with a clown to their servingman, better than to be thus + near, and familiarly allied to the time. + + COR. You say well, but I would fain hear one of these autumn-judgments + define once, "Quid sit comoedia?" if he cannot, let him content himself + with Cicero's definition, till he have strength to propose to himself a + better, who would have a comedy to be 'imitatio vitae, speculum + consuetudinis, imago veritatis'; a thing throughout pleasant and + ridiculous, and accommodated to the correction of manners: if the maker + have fail'd in any particle of this, they may worthily tax him; but if not, + why — be you, that are for them, silent, as I will be for him; and give + way to the actors. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SCENE II. — THE COUNTRY. + + ENTER SORDIDO, WITH A HALTER ABOUT HIS NECK. + + SORD. Nay, God's precious, if the weather and season be so respectless, + that beggars shall live as well as their betters; and that my hunger and + thirst for riches shall not make them hunger and thirst with poverty; that + my sleep shall be broken, and their hearts not broken; that my coffers + shall be full, and yet care; their's empty, and yet merry; — 'tis time + that a cross should bear flesh and blood, since flesh and blood cannot bear + this cross. + + MIT. What, will he hang himself? + + COR. Faith, ay; it seems his prognostication has not kept touch with him, + and that makes him despair. + + MIT. Beshrew me, he will be 'out of his humour' then indeed. + + SORD. Tut, these star-monger knaves, who would trust them? One says dark + and rainy, when 'tis as clear as chrystal; another says, tempestuous blasts + and storms, and 'twas as calm as a milk-bowl; here be sweet rascals for a + man to credit his whole fortunes with! You sky-staring coxcombs you, you + fat-brains, out upon you; you are good for nothing but to sweat night-caps, + and make rug-gowns dear! you learned men, and have not a legion of devils + 'a votre service! a votre service!' by heaven, I think I shall die a + better scholar than they: but soft — + ENTER A HIND, WITH A LETTER. + How now, sirrah? + + HIND. Here's a letter come from your son, sir. + + SORD. From my son, sir! what would my son, sir? some good news, no doubt. + [READS. + "Sweet and dear father, desiring you first to send me your blessing, which + is more worth to me than gold or silver, I desire you likewise to be + advertised, that this Shrove-tide, contrary to custom, we use always to + have revels; which is indeed dancing, and makes an excellent shew in truth; + especially if we gentlemen be well attired, which our seniors note, and + think the better of our fathers, the better we are maintained, and that + they shall know if they come up, and have anything to do in the law; + therefore, good father, these are, for your own sake as well as mine, to + re-desire you, that you let me not want that which is fit for the setting + up of our name, in the honourable volume of gentility, that I may say to + our calumniators, with Tully, 'Ego sum ortus domus meae, tu occasus tuae.' + And thus, not doubting of your fatherly benevolence, I humbly ask your + blessing, and pray God to bless you. + Yours, if his own," [FUNGOSO.] + How's this! "Yours, if his own!" Is he not my son, except he be his own + son? belike this is some new kind of subscription the gallants use. Well! + wherefore dost thou stay, knave? away; go. + [EXIT HIND.] + Here's a letter, indeed! revels? and benevolence? is this a weather to + send benevolence? or is this a season to revel in? 'Slid, the devil and + all takes part to vex me, I think! this letter would never have come now + else, now, now, when the sun shines, and the air thus clear. Soul! If + this hold, se shall shortly have an excellent crop of corn spring out of + the high ways: the streets and houses of the town will be hid with the + rankness of the fruits, that grow there in spite of good husbandry. Go to, + I'll prevent the sight of it, come as quickly as it can, I will prevent the + sight of it. I have this remedy, heaven. + [CLAMBERS UP, AND SUSPENDS THE HALTER TO A TREE.] + Stay; I'll try the pain thus a little. O, nothing, nothing. Well now! + shall my son gain a benevolence by my death? or anybody be the better for + my gold, or so forth? no; alive I kept it from them, and dead, my ghost + shall walk about it, and preserve it. My son and daughter shall starve ere + they touch it; I have hid it as deep as hell from the sight of heaven, and + to it I go now. + [FLINGS HIMSELF OFF. + + ENTER FIVE OR SIX RUSTICS, ONE AFTER ANOTHER. + + 1 RUST. Ah me, what pitiful sight is this! help, help, help! + + 2 RUST. How now! what's the matter? + + 1 RUST. O, here's a man has hang'd himself, help to get him again. + + 2 RUST. Hang'd himself! 'Slid, carry him afore a justice, 'tis + chance-medley, o' my word. + + 3 RUST. How now, what's here to do? + + 4 RUST. How comes this? + + 2 RUST. One has executed himself, contrary to order of law, and by my + consent he shall answer it. + [THEY CUT HIM DOWN. + + 5 RUST. Would he were in case to answer it! + + 1 RUST. Stand by, he recovers, give him breath. + + SORD. Oh! + + 5 RUST. Mass, 'twas well you went the footway, neighbour. + + 1 RUST. Ay, an I had not cut the halter — + + SORD. How! cut the halter! ah me, I am undone, I am undone! + + 2 RUST. Marry, if you had not been undone, you had been hang'd. I can + tell you. + + SORD. You thread-bare, horse-bread-eating rascals, if you would needs have + been meddling, could you not have untied it, but you must cut it; and in + the midst too! ah me! + + 1 RUST. Out on me, 'tis the caterpillar Sordido! how curst are the poor, + that the viper was blest with this good fortune! + + 2 RUST. Nay, how accurst art thou, that art cause to the curse of the poor? + + 3 RUST. Ay, and to save so wretched a caitiff? + + 4 RUST. Curst be thy fingers that loos'd him! + + 2 RUST. Some desperate fury possess thee, that thou may'st hang thyself too! + + 5 RUST. Never may'st thou be saved, that saved so damn'd a monster! + + SORD. What curses breathe these men! how have my deeds + Made my looks differ from another man's, + That they should thus detest and loath my life! + Out on my wretched humour! it is that + Makes me thus monstrous in true humane eyes. + Pardon me, gentle friends, I'll make fair 'mends + For my foul errors past, and twenty-fold + Restore to all men, what with wrong I robb'd them: + My barns and garners shall stand open still + To all the poor that come, and my best grain + Be made alms-bread, to feed half-famish'd mouths. + Though hitherto amongst you I have lived, + Like an unsavoury muck-hill to myself, + Yet now my gather'd heaps being spread abroad, + Shall turn to better and more fruitful uses. + Bless then this man, curse him no more for the saving + My life and soul together. O how deeply + The bitter curses of the poor do pierce! + I am by wonder changed; come in with me + And witness my repentance: now I prove, + No life is blest, that is not graced with love. + [EXIT. + + 2 RUST. O miracle! see when a man has grace! + + 3 RUST. Had it not been pity so good a man should have been cast away? + + 2 RUST. Well, I'll get our clerk put his conversion in the 'Acts and + Monuments'. + + 4 RUST. Do, for I warrant him he's a martyr. + + 2 RUST. O God, how he wept, if you mark'd it! did you see how the tears + trill'd? + + 5 RUST. Yes, believe me, like master vicar's bowls upon the green, for all + the world. + + 3 RUST. O neighbour, God's blessing o' your heart, neighbour, 'twas a good + grateful deed. + [EXEUNT. + + COR. How now, Mitis! what's that you consider so seriously? + + MIT. Troth, that which doth essentially please me, the warping condition + of this green and soggy multitude; but in good faith, signior, your author + hath largely outstript my expectation in this scene, I will liberally + confess it. For when I saw Sordido so desperately intended, I thought I + had had a hand of him, then. + + COR. What! you supposed he should have hung himself indeed? + + MIT. I did, and had framed my objection to it ready, which may yet be + very fitly urged, and with some necessity; for though his purposed violence + lost the effect, and extended not to death, yet the intent and horror of + the object was more than the nature of a comedy will in any sort admit. + + COR. Ay! what think you of Plautus, in his comedy called 'Cistellaria'? + there, where he brings in Alcesimarchus with a drum sword ready to kill + himself, and as he is e'en fixing his breast upon it, to be restrained from + his resolved outrage, by Silenium and the bawd? Is not his authority of + power to give our scene approbation? + + MIT. Sir, I have this only evasion left me, to say, I think it be so + indeed; your memory is happier than mine: but I wonder, what engine he + will use to bring the rest out of their humours! + + COR. That will appear anon, never pre-occupy your imagination withal. Let + your mind keep company with the scene still, which now removes itself from + the country to the court. Here comes Macilente, and signior Brisk freshly + suited; lose not yourself, for now the epitasis, or busy part of our + subject, is an act. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SCENE III. — AN APARTMENT AT THE COURT + + ENTER MACILENTE, FASTIDIOUS, BOTH IN A NEW SUIT, AND CINEDO, WITH TOBACCO. + + FAST. Well, now signior Macilente, you are not only welcome to the court, + but also to my mistress's withdrawing chamber — Boy, get me some tobacco. + I'll but go in, and shew I am here, and come to you presently, sir. + [EXIT. + + MACI. What's that he said? by heaven, I mark'd him not: + My thoughts and I were of another world. + I was admiring mine own outside here, + To think what privilege and palm it bears + Here, in the court! be a man ne'er so vile, + In wit, in judgment, manners, or what else; + If he can purchase but a silken cover, + He shall not only pass, but pass regarded: + Whereas, let him be poor, and meanly clad, + Though ne'er so richly parted, you shall have + A fellow that knows nothing but his beef, + Or how to rince his clammy guts in beer, + Will take him by the shoulders, or the throat, + And kick him down the stairs. Such is the state + Of virtue in bad clothes! — ha, ha, ha, ha! + That raiment should be in such high request! + How long should I be, ere I should put off + To the lord chancellor's tomb, or the shrives' poste? + By heav'n, I think, a thousand, thousand year. + His gravity, his wisdom, and his faith + To my dread sovereign, graces that survive him, + These I could well endure to reverence, + But not his tomb; no more than I'd commend + The chapel organ for the gilt without, + Or this base-viol, for the varnish'd face. + + RE-ENTER FASTIDIOUS. + FAST. I fear I have made you stay somewhat long, sir; but is my tobacco + ready, boy? + + CIN. Ay, sir. + + FAST. Give me; my mistress is upon coming, you shall see her presently, + sir. [PUFFS.] You'll say you never accosted a more piercing wit. — This + tobacco is not dried, boy, or else the pipe is defective. — Oh, your wits + of Italy are nothing comparable to her: her brain's a very quiver of + jests, and she does dart them abroad with that sweet, loose, and judicial + aim, that you would — here she comes, sir. + [SAVIOLINA LOOKS IN, AND DRAWS BACK AGAIN. + + MACI. 'Twas time, his invention had been bogged else. + + SAV. [WITHIN.] Give me my fan there. + + MACI. How now, monsieur Brisk? + + FAST. A kind of affectionate reverence strikes me with a cold shivering, + methinks. + + MACI. I like such tempers well, as stand before their mistresses with fear + and trembling; and before their Maker, like impudent mountains! + + FAST. By this hand, I'd spend twenty pound my vaulting horse stood here + now, she might see do but one trick. + + MACI. Why, does she love activity? + + CIN. Or, if you had but your long stockings on, to be dancing a galliard + as she comes by. + + FAST. Ay, either. O, these stirring humours make ladies mad with desire; + she comes. My good genius embolden me: boy, the pipe quickly. + + ENTER SAVIOLINA. + MACI. What! will he give her music? + + FAST. A second good morrow to my fair mistress. + + SAV. Fair servant, I'll thank you a day hence, when the date of your + salutation comes forth. + + FAST. How like you that answer? is't not admirable? + + MACI. I were a simple courtier, if I could not admire trifles, sir. + + FAST. [TALKS AND TAKES TOBACCO BETWEEN THE BREAKS.] Troth, sweet lady, I + shall [PUFFS] — be prepared to give you thanks for those thanks, and — + study more officious, and obsequious regards — to your fair beauties. — + Mend the pipe, boy. + + MACI. I never knew tobacco taken as a parenthesis before. + + FAST. 'Fore God, sweet lady, believe it, I do honour the meanest rush in + this chamber for your love. + + SAV. Ay, you need not tell me that, sir; I do think you do prize a rush + before my love. + + MACI. Is this the wonder of nations! + + FAST. O, by this air, pardon me, I said 'for' your love, by this light: + but it is the accustomed sharpness of your ingenuity, sweet mistress, to + [TAKES DOWNTHE VIOL, AND PLAYS] — mass, your viol's new strung, methinks. + + MACI. Ingenuity! I see his ignorance will not suffer him to slander her, + which he had done notably, if he had said wit for ingenuity, as he meant it. + + FAST. By the soul of music, lady — HUM, HUM. + + SAV. Would we might hear it once. + + FAST. I do more adore and admire your — HUM, HUM — predominant + perfections, than — HUM, HUM — ever I shall have power and faculty to + express — HUM. + + SAV. Upon the viol de gambo, you mean? + + FAST. It's miserably out of tune, by this hand. + + SAV. Nay, rather by the fingers. + + MACI. It makes good harmony with her wit. + + FAST. Sweet lady, tune it. [SAVIOLINA TUNES THE VIOL.] — Boy, some tobacco. + + MACI. Tobacco again! he does court his mistress with very exceeding good + changes. + + FAST. Signior Macilente, you take none, sir? + + MACI. No, unless I had a mistress, signior, it were a great indecorum for + me to take tobacco. + + FAST. How like you her wit? + [TALKS AND TAKES TOBACCO BETWEEN AGAIN. + + MACI. Her ingenuity is excellent, sir. + + FAST. You see the subject of her sweet fingers there — Oh, she tickles it + so, that — She makes it laugh most divinely; — I'll tell you a good jest + now, and yourself shall say it's a good one: I have wished myself to be + that instrument, I think, a thousand times, and not so few, by heaven! — + + MACI. Not unlike, sir; but how? to be cased up and hung by on the wall? + + FAST. O, no, sir, to be in use, I assure you; as your judicious eyes may + testify. — + + SAV. Here, servant, if you will play, come. + + FAST. Instantly, sweet lady. — In good faith, here's most divine tobacco! + + SAV. Nay, I cannot stay to dance after your pipe. + + FAST. Good! Nay, dear lady, stay; by this sweet smoke, I think your wit + be all fire. — + + MACI. And he's the salamander belongs to it. + + SAV. Is your tobacco perfumed, servant, that you swear by the sweet smoke? + + FAST. Still more excellent! Before heaven, and these bright lights, I + think — you are made of ingenuity, I — + + MACI. True, as your discourse is. O abominable! + + FAST. Will your ladyship take any? + + SAV. O peace, I pray you; I love not the breath of a woodcock's head. + + FAST. Meaning my head, lady? + + SAV. Not altogether so, sir; but, as it were fatal to their follies that + think to grace themselves with taking tobacco, when they want better + entertainment, you see your pipe bears the true form of a woodcock's head. + + FAST. O admirable simile! + + AV. 'Tis best leaving of you in admiration, sir. + [EXIT. + + MACI. Are these the admired lady-wits, that having so good a plain song, + can run no better division upon it? All her jests are of the stamp March + was fifteen years ago. Is this the comet, monsieur Fastidious, that your + gallants wonder at so? + + FAST. Heart of a gentleman, to neglect me afore the presence thus! Sweet + sir, I beseech you be silent in my disgrace. By the muses, I was never in + so vile a humour in my life, and her wit was at the flood too! Report it + not for a million, good sir: let me be so far endeared to your love. + [EXEUNT. + + MIT. What follows next, signior Cordatus? this gallant's humour is almost + spent; methinks it ebbs apace, with this contrary breath of his mistress. + + COR. O, but it will flow again for all this, till there come a general + drought of humour among our actors, and then I fear not but his will fall + as low as any. See who presents himself here! + + MIT. What, in the old case? + + COR. Ay, faith, which makes it the more pitiful; you understand where the + scene is? +</pre> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0006" id="link2H_4_0006"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + ACT IV + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SCENE I. — A ROOM IN DELIRO'S HOUSE. + + ENTER FUNGOSO, FALLACE FOLLOWING HIM. + + FAL. Why are you so melancholy, brother? + + FUNG. I am not melancholy, I thank you, sister. + + FAL. Why are you not merry then? there are but two of us in all the + world, and if we should not be comforts one to another, God help us! + + FUNG. Faith, I cannot tell, sister; but if a man had any true melancholy + in him, it would make him melancholy to see his yeomanly father cut his + neighbours' throats, to make his son a gentleman; and yet, when he has cut + them, he will see his son's throat cut too, ere he make him a true + gentleman indeed, before death cut his own throat. I must be the first + head of our house, and yet he will not give me the head till I be made so. + Is any man termed a gentleman, that is not always in the fashion? I would + know but that. + + FAL. If you be melancholy for that, brother, I think I have as much cause + to be melancholy as any one: for I'll be sworn, I live as little in the + fashion as any woman in London. By the faith of a gentlewoman, beast that + I am to say it! I have not one friend in the world besides my husband. + When saw you master Fastidious Brisk, brother? + + FUNG. But a while since, sister, I think: I know not well in truth. By + this hand I could fight with all my heart, methinks. + + FAL. Nay, good brother, be not resolute. + + FUNG. I sent him a letter, and he writes me no answer neither. + + FAL. Oh, sweet Fastidious Brisk! O fine courtier! thou are he makest me + sigh, and say, how blessed is that woman that hath a courtier to her + husband, and how miserable a dame she is, that hath neither husband, nor + friend in the court! O sweet Fastidious! O fine courtier! How comely he + bows him in his court'sy! how full he hits a woman between the lips when + he kisses! how upright he sits at the table! how daintily he carves! how + sweetly he talks, and tells news of this lord and of that lady! how + cleanly he wipes his spoon at every spoonful of any whitemeat he eats! and + what a neat case of pick-tooths he carries about him still! O sweet + Fastidious! O fine courtier! + + ENTER DELIRO AT A DISTANCE, WITH MUSICIANS. + DELI. See, yonder she is, gentlemen. Now, as ever you'll bear the name of + musicians, touch your instruments sweetly; she has a delicate ear, I tell + you: play not a false note, I beseech you. + + MUSI. Fear not, signior Deliro. + + DELI. O, begin, begin, some sprightly thing: lord, how my imagination + labours with the success of it! [THEY STRIKE UP A LIVELY TUNE.] Well + said, good i'faith! Heaven grant it please her. I'll not be seen, for + then she'll be sure to dislike it. + + FAL. Hey — da! this is excellent! I'll lay my life this is my husband's + dotage. I thought so; nay, never play bo-peep with me; I know you do + nothing but study how to anger me, sir. + + DELI. [COMING FORWARD.] Anger thee, sweet wife! why, didst thou not send + for musicians at supper last night thyself? + + FAL. To supper, sir! now, come up to supper, I beseech you: as though + there were no difference between supper-time, when folks should be merry, + and this time when they should be melancholy. I would never take upon me + to take a wife, if I had no more judgment to please her. + + DELI. Be pleased, sweet wife, and they shall have done; and would to fate + my life were done, if I can never please thee! + [EXEUNT MUSICIANS. + + ENTER MACILENTE. + MACI. Save you lady; where is master Deliro? + + DELI. Here, master Macilente: you are welcome from court, sir; no doubt + you have been graced exceedingly of master Brisk's mistress, and the rest + of the ladies for his sake. + + MACI. Alas, the poor fantastic! he's scarce known + To any lady there; and those that know him, + Know him the simplest man of all they know: + Deride, and play upon his amorous humours, + Though he but apishly doth imitate + The gallant'st courtiers, kissing ladies' pumps, + Holding the cloth for them, praising their wits, + And servilely observing every one + May do them pleasure: fearful to be seen + With any man, though he be ne'er so worthy, + That's not in grace with some that are the greatest. + Thus courtiers do, and these he counterfeits, + But sets no such a sightly carriage + Upon their vanities, as they themselves; + And therefore they despise him: for indeed + He's like the zany to a tumbler, + That tries tricks after him, to make men laugh. + + FAL. Here's an unthankful spiteful wretch! the good gentleman vouchsafed + to make him his companion, because my husband put him into a few rags, and + now see how the unrude rascal backbites him! + [ASIDE. + + DELI. Is he no more graced amongst them then, say you? + + MACI. Faith, like a pawn at chess: fills up a room, that's all. + + FAL. O monster of men! can the earth bear such an envious caitiff? + [ASIDE. + + DELI. Well, I repent me I ever credited him so much: but now I see what + he is, and that his masking vizor is off, I'll forbear him no longer. All + his lands are mortgaged to me, and forfeited; besides, I have bonds of his + in my hand, for the receipt of now fifty pounds now a hundred, now two + hundred; still, as he has had a fan but wagged at him, he would be in a new + suit. Well, I'll salute him by a serjeant, the next time I see him + i'faith, I'll suit him. + + MACI. Why, you may soon see him sir, for he is to meet signior Puntarvolo + at a notary's by the Exchange, presently; where he meant to take up, upon + return. + + FAL. Now, out upon thee, Judas! canst thou not be content to backbite thy + friend, but thou must betray him! Wilt thou seek the undoing of any man? + and of such a man too? and will you, sir, get your living by the counsel + of traitors? + + DELI. Dear wife, have patience. + + FAL. The house will fall, the ground will open and swallow us: I'll not + bide here for all the gold and silver in heaven. + [EXIT WITH FUNGOSO. + + DELI. O, good Macilente, let's follow and appease her, or the peace of my + life is at an end. + [EXIT. + + MACI. Now pease, and not peace, feed that life, whose head hangs so + heavily over a woman's manger! + [EXIT. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SCENE II. — ANOTHER ROOM IN THE SAME. + ENTER FALLACE AND FUNGOSO RUNNING; SHE CLAPS TO THE DOOR. + + FAL. Help me, brother! Ods body, an you come here I'll do myself a mischief. + + DELI. [WITHIN.] Nay, hear me, sweet wife; unless thou wilt have me go, I + will not go. + + FAL. Tut, you shall never have that vantage of me, to say, you are undone + by me. I'll not bid you stay, I. Brother, sweet brother, here's four + angels, I'll give you towards your suit: for the love of gentry, and as + ever you came of Christian creature, make haste to the water side, (you + know where master Fastidious uses to land,) and give him warning of my + husband's malicious intent; and tell him of that lean rascal's treachery. + O heavens, how my flesh rises at him! Nay, sweet brother, make haste: you + may say, I would have writ to him, but that the necessity of the time would + not permit. He cannot choose but take it extraordinarily from me: and + commend me to him, good brother; say, I sent you. + [EXIT. + + FUNG. Let me see, these four angels, and then forty shillings more I can + borrow on my gown in Fetter Lane. — Well, I will go presently, say on my + suit, pay as much money as I have, and swear myself into credit with my + tailor for the rest. + [EXIT. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SCENE III. — ANOTHER ROOM IN THE SAME. + + ENTER DELIRO AND MACILENTE. + + DELI. O, on my soul you wrong her, Macilente. Though she be froward, yet + I know she is honest. + + MACI. Well, then have I no judgment. Would any woman, but one that were + wild in her affections, have broke out into that immodest and violent + passion against her husband? or is't possible — + + DELI. If you love me, forbear; all the arguments i' the world shall never + wrest my heart to believe it. + [EXEUNT. + + COR. How like you the deciphering of his dotage? + + MIT. O, strangely: an of the other's envy too, that labours so seriously + to set debate betwixt a man and his wife. Stay, here comes the knight + adventurer. + + COR. Ay, and his scrivener with him. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SCENE IV. — PUNTARVOLO'S LODGINGS. + + ENTER PUNTARVOLO, NOTARY, AND SERVANTS WITH THE DOG AND CAT. + + PUNT. I wonder monsieur Fastidious comes not! But, notary, if thou please + to draw the indentures the while, I will give thee thy instructions. + + NOT. With all my heart, sir; and I'll fall in hand with them presently. + + PUNT. Well then, first the sum is to be understood. + + NOT. [WRITES.] Good, sir. + + PUNT. Next, our several appellations, and character of my dog and cat, + must be known. Shew him the cat, sirrah. + + NOT. So, sir. + + PUNT. Then, that the intended bound is the Turk's court in Constantinople; + the time limited for our return, a year; and that if either of us miscarry, + the whole venture is lost. These are general, conceiv'st thou? or if + either of us turn Turk. + + NOT. Ay, sir. + + PUNT. Now, for particulars: that I may make my travels by sea or land, to + my best liking; and that hiring a coach for myself, it shall be lawful for + my dog or cat, or both, to ride with me in the said coach. + + NOT. Very good, sir. + + PUNT. That I may choose to give my dog or cat, fish, for fear of bones; or + any other nutriment that, by the judgment of the most authentical + physicians where I travel, shall be thought dangerous. + + NOT. Well, sir. + + PUNT. That, after the receipt of his money, he shall neither, in his own + person, nor any other, either by direct or indirect means, as magic, + witchcraft, or other such exotic arts, attempt, practise, or complot any + thing to the prejudice of me, my dog, or my cat: neither shall I use the + help of any such sorceries or enchantments, as unctions to make our skins + impenetrable, or to travel invisible by virtue of a powder, or a ring, or + to hang any three-forked charm about my dog's neck, secretly conveyed into + his collar; (understand you?) but that all be performed sincerely, without + fraud or imposture. + + NOT. So, sir. + + PUNT. That, for testimony of the performance, myself am to bring thence a + Turk's mustachio, my dog a Grecian hare's lips, and my cat the train or + tail of a Thracian rat. + + NOT. [WRITES.] 'Tis done, sir. + + PUNT. 'Tis said, sir; not done, sir. But forward; that, upon my return, + and landing on the Tower-wharf, with the aforesaid testimony, I am to + receive five for one, according to the proportion of the sums put forth. + + NOT. Well, sir. + + PUNT. Provided, that if before our departure, or setting forth, either + myself or these be visited with sickness, or any other casual event, so + that the whole course of the adventure be hindered thereby, that then he is + to return, and I am to receive the prenominated proportion upon fair and + equal terms. + + NOT. Very good, sir; is this all? + + PUNT. It is all, sir; and dispatch them, good notary. + + NOT. As fast as is possible, sir. + [EXIT. + + ENTER CARLO. + PUNT. O Carlo! welcome: saw you monsieur Brisk? + + CAR. Not I: did he appoint you to meet here? + + PUNT. Ay, and I muse he should be so tardy; he is to take an hundred + pounds of me in venture, if he maintain his promise. + + CAR. Is his hour past? + + PUNT. Not yet, but it comes on apace. + + CAR. Tut, be not jealous of him; he will sooner break all the + commandments, than his hour; upon my life, in such a case trust him. + + PUNT. Methinks, Carlo, you look very smooth, ha! + + CAR. Why, I came but now from a hot-house; I must needs look smooth. + + PUNT. From a hot-house! + + CAR. Ay, do you make a wonder on't? why, it is your only physic. Let a + man sweat once a week in a hot-house, and be well rubb'd, and froted, with + a good plump juicy wench, and sweet linen, he shall ne'er have the pox. + + PUNT. What, the French pox? + + CAR. The French pox! out pox: we have them in as good a form as they, + man; what? + + PUNT. Let me perish, but thou art a salt one! was your new-created + gallant there with you, Sogliardo? + + CAR. O porpoise! hang him, no: he's a leiger at Horn's ordinary, yonder; + his villainous Ganymede and he have been droning a tobacco-pipe there ever + since yesterday noon. + + PUNT. Who? signior Tripartite, that would give my dog the whiffe? + + CAR. Ay, he. They have hired a chamber and all, private, to practise in, + for the making of the patoun, the receipt reciprocal, and a number of other + mysteries not yet extant. I brought some dozen or twenty gallants this + morning to view them, as you'd do a piece of perspective, in at a key-hole; + and there we might see Sogliardo sit in a chair, holding his snout up like + a sow under an apple-tree, while the other open'd his nostrils with a + poking-stick, to give the smoke a more free delivery. They had spit some + three or fourscore ounces between 'em, afore we came away. + + PUNT. How! spit three or fourscore ounces? + + CAR. Ay, and preserv'd it in porrengers, as a barber does his blood, when + he opens a vein. + + PUNT. Out, pagan! how dost thou open the vein of thy friend? + + CAR. Friend! is there any such foolish thing in the world, ha? 'slid I + never relished it yet. + + PUNT. Thy humour is the more dangerous. + + CAR. No, not a whit, signior. Tut, a man must keep time in all; I can oil + my tongue when I meet him next, and look with a good sleek forehead; 'twill + take away all soil of suspicion, and that's enough: what Lynceus can see + my heart? Pish, the title of a friend! it's a vain, idle thing, only + venerable among fools; you shall not have one that has any opinion of wit + affect it. + + ENTER DELIRO AND MACILENTE. + DELI. Save you, good sir Puntarvolo. + + PUNT. Signior Deliro! welcome. + + DELI. Pray you, sir, did you see master Fastidious Brisk? I heard he was + to meet your worship here. + + PUNT. You heard no figment, sir; I do expect him at every pulse of my watch. + + DELI. In good time, sir. + + CAR. There's a fellow now looks like one of the patricians of Sparta; + marry, his wit's after ten i' the hundred: a good bloodhound, a + close-mouthed dog, he follows the scent well; marry, he's at fault now, + methinks. + + PUNT. I should wonder at that creature is free from the danger of thy tongue. + + CAR. O, I cannot abide these limbs of satin, or rather Satan indeed, that + will walk, like the children of darkness, all day in a melancholy shop, + with their pockets full of blanks, ready to swallow up as many poor + unthrifts as come within the verge. + + PUNT. So! and what hast thou for him that is with him, now? + + CAR. O, d—n me! immortality! I'll not meddle with him; the pure element + of fire, all spirit, extraction. + + PUNT. How, Carlo! ha, what is he, man? + + CAR. A scholar, Macilente; do you not know him? a rank, raw-boned + anatomy, he walks up and down like a charged musket, no man dares encounter + him: that's his rest there. + + PUNT. His rest! why, has he a forked head? + + CAR. Pardon me, that's to be suspended; you are too quick, too apprehensive. + + DELI. Troth, now I think on't, I'll defer it till some other time. + + MACI. Not by any means, signior, you shall not lose this opportunity, he + will be here presently now. + + DELI. Yes, faith, Macilente, 'tis best. For, look you, sir, I shall so + exceedingly offend my wife in't, that — + + MACI. Your wife! now for shame lose these thoughts, and become the master + of your own spirits. Should I, if I had a wife, suffer myself to be thus + passionately carried to and fro with the stream of her humour, and neglect + my deepest affairs, to serve her affections? 'Slight, I would geld myself + first. + + DELI. O, but signior, had you such a wife as mine is, you would — + + MACI. Such a wife! Now hate me, sir, if ever I discern'd any wonder in + your wife yet, with all the speculation I have: I have seen some that have + been thought fairer than she, in my time; and I have seen those, have not + been altogether so tall, esteem'd properer women; and I have seen less + noses grow upon sweeter faces, that have done very well too, in my + judgment. But in good faith, signior, for all this, the gentlewoman is a + good, pretty, proud, hard-favour'd thing, marry not so peerlessly to be + doted upon, I must confess: nay, be not angry. + + DELI. Well, sir, however you please to forget yourself, I have not + deserv'd to be thus played upon; but henceforth, pray you forbear my house, + for I can but faintly endure the savour of his breath, at my table, that + shall thus jade me for my courtesies. + + MACI. Nay, then, signior, let me tell you, your wife is no proper woman, + and by my life, I suspect her honesty, that's more, which you may likewise + suspect, if you please, do you see? I'll urge you to nothing against your + appetite, but if you please, you may suspect it. + + DELI. Good sir. + [EXIT. + + MACI. Good, sir! now horn upon horn pursue thee, thou blind, egregious + dotard! + + CAR. O, you shall hear him speak like envy. — Signior Macilente, you saw + monsieur Brisk lately: I heard you were with him at court. + + MACI. Ay, Buffone, I was with him. + + CAR. And how is he respected there? I know you'll deal ingenuously with + us; is he made much of amongst the sweeter sort of gallants? + + MACI. Faith, ay; his civet and his casting-glass + Have helpt him to a place amongst the rest: + And there, his seniors give him good slight looks, + After their garb, smile, and salute in French + With some new compliment. + + CAR. What, is this all? + + MACI. Why say, that they should shew the frothy fool + Such grace as they pretend comes from the heart, + He had a mighty windfall out of doubt! + Why, all their graces are not to do grace + To virtue or desert; but to ride both + With their gilt spurs quite breathless, from themselves. + 'Tis now esteem'd precisianism in wit, + And a disease in nature, to be kind + Toward desert, to love or seek good names. + Who feeds with a good name? who thrives with loving? + Who can provide feast for his own desires, + With serving others? — ha, ha, ha! + 'Tis folly, by our wisest worldlings proved, + If not to gain by love, to be beloved. + + CAR. How like you him? is't not a good spiteful slave, ha? + + PUNT. Shrewd, shrewd. + + CAR. D—n me! I could eat his flesh now; divine sweet villain! + + MACI. Nay, prithee leave: What's he there? + + CAR. Who? this in the starched beard? it's the dull stiff knight + Puntarvolo, man; he's to travel now presently: he has a good knotty wit; + marry, he carries little on't out of the land with him. + + MACI. How then? + + CAR. He puts it forth in venture, as he does his money upon the return of + a dog and cat. + + MACI. Is this he? + + CAR. Ay, this is he; a good tough gentleman: he looks like a shield of + brawn at Shrove-tide, out of date, and ready to take his leave; or a dry + pole of ling upon Easter-eve, that has furnish'd the table all Lent, as he + has done the city this last vacation. + + MACI. Come, you'll never leave your stabbing similes: I shall have you + aiming at me with 'em by and by; but — + + CAR. O, renounce me then! pure, honest, good devil, I love thee above the + love of women: I could e'en melt in admiration of thee, now. Ods so, look + here, man; Sir Dagonet and his squire! + + ENTER SOGLIARDO AND SHIFT. + SOG. Save you, my dear gallantos: nay, come, approach, good cavalier: + prithee, sweet knight, know this gentleman, he's one that it pleases me to + use as my good friend and companion; and therefore do him good offices: I + beseech you, gentles, know him, I know him all over. + + PUNT. Sir, for signior Sogliardo's sake, let it suffice, I know you. + + SOG. Why, as I am a gentleman, I thank you, knight, and it shall suffice. + Hark you, sir Puntarvolo, you'd little think it; he's as resolute a piece + of flesh as any in the world. + + PUNT. Indeed, sir! + + SOG. Upon my gentility, sir: Carlo, a word with you; do you see that same + fellow, there? + + CAR. What, cavalier Shirt? + + SOG. O, you know him; cry you mercy: before me, I think him the tallest + man living within the walls of Europe. + + CAR. The walls of Europe! take heed what you say, signior, Europe's a + huge thing within the walls. + + SOG. 'Tut, an 'twere as huge again, I'd justify what I speak. 'Slid, he + swagger'd even now in a place where we were — I never saw a man do it more + resolute. + + CAR. Nay, indeed, swaggering is a good argument of resolution. Do you + hear this, signior? + + MACI. Ay, to my grief. O, that such muddy flags, + For every drunken flourish should achieve + The name of manhood, whilst true perfect valour, + Hating to shew itself, goes by despised! + Heart! I do know now, in a fair just cause, + I dare do more than he, a thousand times; + Why should not they take knowledge of this, ha! + And give my worth allowance before his? + Because I cannot swagger. — Now, the pox + Light on your Pickt-hatch prowess! + + SOG. Why, I tell you, sir; he has been the only 'Bid-stand' that ever kept + New-market, Salisbury-plain, Hockley i' the Hole, Gadshill, and all the + high places of any request: he has had his mares and his geldings, he, + have been worth forty, threescore, a hundred pound a horse, would ha' + sprung you over the hedge and ditch like your greyhound: he has done five + hundred robberies in his time, more or less, I assure you. + + PUNT. What, and scaped? + + SOG. Scaped! i'faith, ay: he has broken the gaol when he has been in + irons and irons; and been out and in again; and out, and in; forty times, + and not so few, he. + + MACI. A fit trumpet, to proclaim such a person. + + CAR. But can this be possible? + + SHIFT. Pardon me, my dear Orestes; causes have their quiddits, and 'tis + ill jesting with bell-ropes. + + CAR. How! Pylades and Orestes? + + SOG. Ay, he is my Pylades, and I am his Orestes: how like you the conceit? + + CAR. O, 'tis an old stale interlude device; no, I'll give you names + myself, look you; he shall be your Judas, and you shall be his elder-tree + to hang on. + + MACI. Nay, rather let him be captain Pod, and this his motion: for he + does nothing but shew him. + + CAR. Excellent: or thus; you shall be Holden, and he your camel. + + SHIFT. You do not mean to ride, gentlemen? + + PUNT. Faith, let me end it for you, gallants: you shall be his + Countenance, and he your Resolution. + + SOG. Troth, that's pretty: how say you, cavalier, shall it be so? + + CAR. Ay, ay, most voices. + + SHIFT. Faith, I am easily yielding to any good impressions. + + SOG. Then give hands, good Resolution. + + CAR. Mass, he cannot say, good Countenance, now, properly, to him again. + + PUNT. Yes, by an irony. + + MACI. O, sir, the countenance of Resolution should, as he is, be + altogether grim and unpleasant. + + ENTER FASTIDIOUS BRISK. + FAST. Good hours make music with your mirth, gentlemen, and keep time to + your humours! — How now, Carlo? + + PUNT. Monsieur Brisk? many a long look have I extended for you, sir. + + FAST. Good faith, I must crave pardon: I was invited this morning, ere I + was out of my bed, by a bevy of ladies, to a banquet: whence it was almost + one of Hercules's labours for me to come away, + but that the respect of my promise did so prevail with me. I know they'll + take it very ill, especially one, that gave me this bracelet of her hair + but over night, and this pearl another gave me from her forehead, marry she + — what! are the writings ready? + + PUNT. I will send my man to know. Sirrah, go you to the notary's, and + learn if he be ready: leave the dog, sir. + [EXIT SERVANT. + + FAST. And how does my rare qualified friend, Sogliardo? Oh, signior + Macilente! by these eyes, I saw you not; I had saluted you sooner else, o' + my troth. I hope, sir, I may presume upon you, that you will not divulge + my late check, or disgrace, indeed, sir. + + MACI. You may, sir. + + CAR. He knows some notorious jest by this gull, that he hath him so + obsequious. + + SOG. Monsieur Fastidious, do you see this fellow there? does he not look + like a clown? would you think there were any thing in him? + + FAST. Any thing in him! beshrew me, ay; the fellow hath a good ingenious + face. + + SOG. By this element he is as ingenious a tall man as ever swagger'd about + London: he, and I, call Countenance and Resolution; but his name is + cavalier Shift. + + PUNT. Cavalier, you knew signior Clog, that was hang'd for the robbery at + Harrow on the hill? + + SOG. Knew him, sir! why, 'twas he gave all the directions for the action. + + PUNT. How! was it your project, sir? + + SHIFT. Pardon me, Countenance, you do me some wrong to make occasions + public, which I imparted to you in private. + + SOG. God's will! here are none but friends, Resolution. + + SHIFT. That's all one; things of consequence must have their respects; + where, how, and to whom. — Yes, sir, he shewed himself a true Clog in the + coherence of that affair, sir; for, if he had managed matters as they were + corroborated to him, it had been better for him by a forty or fifty score + of pounds, sir; and he himself might have lived, in despight of fates, to + have fed on woodcocks, with the rest: but it was his heavy fortune to + sink, poor Clog! and therefore talk no more of him. + + PUNT. Why, had he more aiders then? + + SOG. O lord, sir! ay, there were some present there, that were the Nine + Worthies to him, i'faith. + + SHIFT. Ay, sir, I can satisfy you at more convenient conference: but, for + mine own part, I have now reconciled myself to other courses, and profess a + living out of my other qualities. + + SOG. Nay, he has left all now, I assure you, and is able to live like a + gentleman, by his qualities. By this dog, he has the most rare gift in + tobacco that ever you knew. + + CAR. He keeps more ado with this monster, than ever Banks did with his + horse, or the fellow with the elephant. + + MACI. He will hang out his picture shortly, in a cloth, you shall see. + + SOG. O, he does manage a quarrel the best that ever you saw, for terms and + circumstances. + + FAST. Good faith, signior, now you speak of a quarrel, I'll acquaint you + with a difference that happened between a gallant and myself; sir + Puntarvolo, you know him if I should name him signior Luculento. + + PUNT. Luculento! what inauspicious chance interposed itself to your two + loves? + + FAST. Faith, sir, the same that sundered Agamemnon and great Thetis' son; + but let the cause escape, sir: he sent me a challenge, mixt with some few + braves, which I restored, and in fine we met. Now, indeed, sir, I must + tell you, he did offer at first very desperately, but without judgment: + for, look you, sir, I cast myself into this figure; now he comes violently + on, and withal advancing his rapier to strike, I thought to have took his + arm, for he had left his whole body to my election, and I was sure he could + not recover his guard. Sir, I mist my purpose in his arm, rash'd his + doublet-sleeve, ran him close by the left cheek, and through his hair. He + again lights me here, — I had on a gold cable hatband, then new come up, + which I wore about a murey French hat I had, — cuts my hatband, and yet it + was massy goldsmith's work, cuts my brims, which by good fortune, being + thick embroidered with gold twist and spangles, disappointed the force of + the blow: nevertheless, it grazed on my shoulder, takes me away six purls + of an Italian cut-work band I wore, cost me three pound in the Exchange but + three days before. + + PUNT. This was a strange encounter. + + FAST. Nay, you shall hear, sir: with this we both fell out, and breath'd. + Now, upon the second sign of his assault, I betook me to the former manner + of my defence; he, on the other side, abandon'd his body to the same danger + as before, and follows me still with blows: but I being loth to take the + deadly advantage that lay before me of his left side, made a kind of + stramazoun, ran him up to the hilts through the doublet, through the shirt, + and yet miss'd the skin. He, making a reverse blow, — falls upon my + emboss'd girdle, I had thrown off the hangers a little before — strikes + off a skirt of a thick-laced satin doublet I had, lined with four taffatas, + cuts off two panes embroidered with pearl, rends through the drawings-out + of tissue, enters the linings, and skips the flesh. + + CAR. I wonder he speaks not of his wrought shirt. + + FAST. Here, in the opinion of mutual damage, we paused; but, ere I + proceed, I must tell you, signior, that, in this last encounter, not having + leisure to put off my silver spurs, one of the rowels catch'd hold of the + ruffle of my boot, and, being Spanish leather, and subject to tear, + overthrows me, rends me two pair of silk stockings, that I put on, being + somewhat a raw morning, a peach colour and another, and strikes me some + half inch deep into the side of the calf: he, seeing the blood come, + presently takes horse, and away: I, having bound up my wound with a piece + of my wrought shirt — + + CAR. O! comes it in there? + + FAST. Rid after him, and, lighting at the court gate both together, + embraced, and march'dhand in hand up into the presence. Was not this + business well carried? + + MACI. Well! yes, and by this we can guess what apparel the gentleman wore. + + PUNT. 'Fore valour, it was a designment begun with much resolution, + maintain'd with as much prowess, and ended with more humanity. — + RE-ENTER SERVANT. + How now, what says the notary? + + SERV. He says, he is ready, sir; he stays but your worship's pleasure. + + PUNT. Come, we will go to him, monsieur. Gentlemen, shall we entreat you + to be witnesses? + + SOG. You shall entreat me, sir. — Come, Resolution. + + SHIFT. I follow you, good Countenance. + + CAR. Come, signior, come, come. + [EXEUNT ALL BUT MACILENTE. + + MACI. O, that there should be fortune + To clothe these men, so naked in desert! + And that the just storm of a wretched life + Beats them not ragged for their wretched souls, + And, since as fruitless, even as black, as coals! + [EXIT. + + MIT. Why, but signior, how comes it that Fungoso appeared not with his + sister's intelligence to Brisk? + + COR. Marry, long of the evil angels that she gave him, who have indeed + tempted the good simple youth to follow the tail of the fashion, and + neglect the imposition of his friends. Behold, here he comes, very + worshipfully attended, and with good variety. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SCENE V. — A ROOM IN DELIRO'S HOUSE + + ENTER FUNGOSO IN A NEW SUIT, FOLLOWED BY HIS TAILOR, SHOEMAKER, AND + HABERDASHER. + + FUNG. Gramercy, good shoemaker, I'll put to strings myself.. + [EXIT SHOEMAKER.] — Now, sir, let me see, what must you have for this hat? + + HABE. Here's the bill, sir. + + FUNG. How does it become me, well? + + TAI. Excellent, sir, as ever you had any hat in your life. + + FUNG. Nay, you'll say so all. + + HABE. In faith, sir, the hat's as good as any man in this town can serve + you, and will maintain fashion as long; never trust me for a groat else. + + FUNG. Does it apply well to my suit? + + TAI. Exceeding well, sir. + + FUNG. How lik'st thou my suit, haberdasher? + + HABE. By my troth, sir, 'tis very rarely well made; I never saw a suit sit + better, I can tell on. + + TAI. Nay, we have no art to please our friends, we! + + FUNG. Here, haberdasher, tell this same. + [GIVES HIM MONEY. + + HABE. Good faith, sir, it makes you have an excellent body. + + FUNG. Nay, believe me, I think I have as good a body in clothes as another. + + TAI. You lack points to bring your apparel together, sir. + + FUNG. I'll have points anon. How now! Is't right? + + HABE. Faith, sir, 'tis too little' but upon farther hopes — Good morrow + to you, sir. + [EXIT. + + FUNG. Farewell, good haberdasher. Well now, master Snip, let me see your + bill. + + MIT. Me thinks he discharges his followers too thick. + + COR. O, therein he saucily imitates some great man. I warrant you, though + he turns off them, he keeps this tailor, in place of a page, to follow him + still. + + FUNG. This bill is very reasonable, in faith: hark you, master Snip — + Troth, sir, I am not altogether so well furnished at this present, as I + could wish I were; but — if you'll do me the favour to take part in hand, + you shall have all I have, by this hand. + + TAI. Sir — + + FUNG. And but give me credit for the rest, till the beginning of the next + term. + + TAI. O lord, sir — + + FUNG. 'Fore God, and by this light, I'll pay you to the utmost, and + acknowledge myself very deeply engaged to you by the courtesy. + + TAI. Why, how much have you there, sir? + + FUNG. Marry, I have here four angels, and fifteen shillings of white + money: it's all I have, as I hope to be blest + + TAI. You will not fail me at the next term with the rest? + + FUNG. No, an I do, pray heaven I be hang'd. Let me never breathe again + upon this mortal stage, as the philosopher calls it! By this air, and as I + am a gentleman, I'll hold. + + COR. He were an iron-hearted fellow, in my judgment, that would not credit + him upon this volley of oaths. + + TAI. Well, sir, I'll not stick with any gentleman for a trifle: you know + what 'tis remains? + + FUNG. Ay, sir, and I give you thanks in good faith. O fate, how happy I + am made in this good fortune! Well, now I'll go seek out monsieur Brisk. + 'Ods so, I have forgot riband for my shoes, and points. 'Slid, what luck's + this! how shall I do? Master Snip, pray let me reduct some two or three + shillings for points and ribands: as I am an honest man, I have utterly + disfurnished myself, in the default of memory; pray let me be beholding to + you; it shall come home in the bill, believe me. + + TAI. Faith, sir, I can hardly depart with ready money; but I'll take up, + and send you some by my boy presently. What coloured riband would you have? + + FUNG. What you shall think meet in your judgment, sir, to my suit. + + TAI. Well, I'll send you some presently. + + FUNG. And points too, sir? + + TAI. And points too, sir. + + FUNG. Good lord, how shall I study to deserve this kindness of you sir! + Pray let your youth make haste, for I should have done a business an hour + since, that I doubt I shall come too late. + [EXIT TAILOR.] + Now, in good faith, I am exceeding proud of my suit. + + COR. Do you observe the plunges that this poor gallant is put to, signior, + to purchase the fashion? + + MIT. Ay, and to be still a fashion behind with the world, that's the sport. + + COR. Stay: O, here they come from seal'd and deliver'd. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SCENE VI. — PUNTARVOLO'S LODGINGS. + + ENTER PUNTARVOLO, FASTIDIOUS BRISK IN A NEW SUIT, AND SERVANTS WITH THE DOG. + + PUNT. Well, now my whole venture is forth, I will resolve to depart shortly. + + FAST. Faith, sir Puntarvolo, go to the court, and take leave of the ladies + first. + + PUNT. I care not, if it be this afternoon's labour. Where is Carlo? + + FAST. Here he comes. + + ENTER CARLO, SOGLIARDO, SHIFT, AND MACILENTE. + + CAR. Faith, gallants, I am persuading this gentleman [POINTS TO SOGLIARDO] + to turn courtier. He is a man of fair revenue, and his estate will bear + the charge well. Besides, for his other gifts of the mind, or so, why they + are as nature lent him them, pure, simple, without any artificial drug or + mixture of these two threadbare beggarly qualities, learning and knowledge, + and therefore the more accommodate and genuine. Now, for the life itself — + + FAST. O, the most celestial, and full of wonder and delight, that can be + imagined, signior, beyond thought and apprehension of pleasure! A man + lives there in that divine rapture, that he will think himself i' the ninth + heaven for the time, and lose all sense of mortality whatsoever, when he + shall behold such glorious, and almost immortal beauties; hear such + angelical and harmonious voices, discourse with such flowing and ambrosial + spirits, whose wits are as sudden as lightning, and humorous as nectar; oh, + it makes a man all quintessence and flame, and lifts him up, in a moment, + to the very crystal crown of the sky, where, hovering in the strength of + his imagination, he shall behold all the delights of the Hesperides, the + Insulae Fortunatae, Adonis' Gardens, Tempe, or what else, confined within + the amplest verge of poesy, to be mere umbrae, and imperfect figures, + conferred with the most essential felicity of your court. + + MACI. Well, this ecomium was not extemporal, it came too perfectly off. + + CAR. Besides, sir, you shall never need to go to a hot-house, you shall + sweat there with courting your mistress, or losing your money at primero, + as well as in all the stoves in Sweden. Marry, this, sir, you must ever be + sure to carry a good strong perfume about you, that your mistress's dog may + smell you out amongst the rest; and, in making love to her, never fear to + be out; for you may have a pipe of tobacco, or a bass viol shall hang o' + the wall, of purpose, will put you in presently. The tricks your + Resolution has taught you in tobacco, the whiffe, and those sleights, will + stand you in very good ornament there. + + FAST. Ay, to some, perhaps; but, an he should come to my mistress with + tobacco (this gentleman knows) she'd reply upon him, i'faith. O, by this + bright sun, she has the most acute, ready, and facetious wit that — tut, + there's no spirit able to stand her. You can report it, signior, you have + seen her. + + PUNT. Then can he report no less, out of his judgment, I assure him. + + MACI. Troth, I like her well enough, but she's too self-conceited, methinks. + + FAST. Ay, indeed, she's a little too self-conceited; an 'twere not for + that humour, she were the most-to-be-admired lady in the world. + + PUNT. Indeed, it is a humour that takes from her other excellences. + + MACI. Why, it may easily be made to forsake her, in my thought. + + FAST. Easily, sir! then are all impossibilities easy. + + MACI. You conclude too quick upon me, signior. What will you say, if I + make it so perspicuously appear now, that yourself shall confess nothing + more possible? + + FAST. Marry, I will say, I will both applaud and admire you for it. + + PUNT. And I will second him in the admiration. + + MACI. Why, I'll show you, gentlemen. — Carlo, come hither. + [MACI., CAR., PUNT., AND FAST. WHISPER TOGETHER. + + SOG. Good faith, I have a great humour to the court. What thinks my + Resolution? shall I adventure? + + SHIFT. Troth, Countenance, as you please; the place is a place of good + reputation and capacity. + + SOG. O, my tricks in tobacco, as Carlo says, will show excellent there. + + SHIFT. Why, you may go with these gentlemen now, and see fashions; and + after, as you shall see correspondence. + + SOG. You say true. You will go with me, Resolution? + + SHIFT. I will meet you, Countenance, about three or four o'clock; but, to + say to go with you, I cannot; for, as I am Apple-John, I am to go before + the cockatrice you saw this morning, and therefore pray, present me + excused, good Countenance. + + SOG. Farewell, good Resolution, but fail not to meet. + + SHIFT. As I live. + [EXIT. + + PUNT. Admirably excellent! + + MACI. If you can but persuade Sogliardo to court, there's all now. + + CAR. O, let me alone, that's my task. + [GOES TO SOGLIARDO. + + FAST. Now, by wit, Macilente, it's above measure excellent; 'twill be the + only court-exploit that ever proved courtier ingenious. + + PUNT. Upon my soul, it puts the lady quite out of her humour, and we shall + laugh with judgment. + + CAR. Come, the gentleman was of himself resolved to go with you, afore I + moved it. + + MACI. Why, then, gallants, you two and Carlo go afore to prepare the jest; + Sogliardo and I will come some while after you. + + CAR. Pardon me, I am not for the court. + + PUNT. That's true; Carlo comes not at court, indeed. Well, you shall + leave it to the faculty of monsieur Brisk, and myself; upon our lives, we + will manage it happily. Carlo shall bespeak supper at the Mitre, against + we come back: where we will meet and dimple our cheeks with laughter at + the success. + + CAR. Ay, but will you promise to come? + + PUNT. Myself shall undertake for them; he that fails, let his reputation + lie under the lash of thy tongue. + + CAR. Ods so, look who comes here! + + ENTER FUNGOSO. + + SOG. What, nephew! + + FUNG. Uncle, God save you; did you see a gentleman, one monsieur Brisk, a + courtier? he goes in such a suit as I do. + + SOG. Here is the gentleman, nephew, but not in such a suit. + + FUNG. Another suit! + + SOG. How now, nephew? + + FAST. Would you speak with me, sir? + + CAR. Ay, when he has recovered himself, poor Poll! + + PUNT. Some rosa-solis. + + MACI. How now, signior? + + FUNG. I am not well, sir. + + MACI. Why, this it is to dog the fashion. + + CAR. Nay, come, gentlemen, remember your affairs; his disease is nothing + but the flux of apparel. + + PUNT. Sirs, return to the lodging, keep the cat safe; I'll be the dog's + guardian myself. + [EXEUNT SERVANTS. + + SOG. Nephew, will you go to court with us? these gentlemen and I are for + the court; nay, be not so melancholy. + + FUNG. 'Slid, I think no man in Christendom has that rascally fortune that + I have. + + MACI. Faith, you suit is well enough, signior. + + FUNG. Nay, not for that, I protest; but I had an errand to monsieur + Fastidious, and I have forgot it. + + MACI. Why, go along to court with us, and remember it; come, gentlemen, + you three take one boat, and Sogliardo and I will take another; we shall be + there instantly. + + FAST. Content: good sir, vouchsafe us your pleasance. + + PUNT. Farewell, Carlo: remember. + + CAR. I warrant you: would I had one of Kemp's shoes to throw after you. + + PUNT. Good fortune will close the eyes of our jest, fear not; and we shall + frolick. + [EXEUNT. + + MIT. This Macilente, signior, begins to be more sociable on a sudden, + methinks, than he was before: there's some portent in it, I believe. + + COR. O, he's a fellow of a strange nature. Now does he, in this calm of + his humour, plot, and store up a world of malicious thoughts in his brain, + till he is so full with them, that you shall see the very torrent of his + envy break forth like a land-flood: and, against the course of all their + affections, oppose itself so violently, that you will almost have wonder to + think, how 'tis possible the current of their dispositions shall receive so + quick and strong an alteration. + + MIT. Ay, marry, sir, this is that, on which my expectation has dwelt all + this while; for I must tell you, signior, though I was loth to interrupt + the scene, yet I made it a question in mine own private discourse, how he + should properly call it "Every Man out of his Humour", when I saw all his + actors so strongly pursue, and continue their humours? + + COR. Why, therein his art appears most full of lustre, and approacheth + nearest the life; especially when in the flame and height of their humours, + they are laid flat, it fills the eye better, and with more contentment. + How tedious a sight were it to behold a proud exalted tree kept and cut + down by degrees, when it might be fell'd in a moment! and to set the axe + to it before it came to that pride and fulness, were, as not to have it + grow. + + MIT. Well, I shall long till I see this fall, you talk of. + + COR. To help your longing, signior, let your imagination be swifter than a + pair of oars: and by this, suppose Puntarvolo, Brisk, Fungoso, and the + dog, arrived at the court-gate, and going up to the great chamber. + Macilente and Sogliardo, we'll leave them on the water, till possibility + and natural means may land them. Here come the gallants, now prepare your + expectations. +</pre> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0007" id="link2H_4_0007"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + ACT V + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SCENE I. — THE PALACE STAIRS. + + ENTER PUNTARVOLO, WITH HIS DOG, FOLLOWED BY FASTIDIOUS + BRISK AND FUNGOSO. + + PUNT. Come, gentles, Signior, you are sufficiently instructed. + + FAST. Who, I, sir? + + PUNT. No, this gentleman. But stay, I take thought how to bestow my dog; + he is no competent attendant for the presence. + + FAST. Mass, that's true, indeed, knight; you must not carry him into the + presence. + + PUNT. I know it, and I, like a dull beast, forgot to bring one of my + cormorants to attend me. + + FAST. Why, you were best leave him at the porter's lodge. + + PUNT. Not so; his worth is too well known amongst them, to be forth-coming. + + FAST. 'Slight, how will you do then? + + PUNT. I must leave him with one that is ignorant of his quality, if I will + have him to be safe. And see! here comes one that will carry coals, ergo, + will hold my dog. + ENTER A GROOM, WITH A BASKET. + My honest friend, may I commit the tuition of this dog to thy prudent care? + + GROOM. You may, if you please, sir. + + PUNT. Pray thee let me find thee here at my return; it shall not be long, + till I will ease thee of thy employment, and please thee. Forth, gentles. + + FAST. Why, but will you leave him with so slight command, and infuse no + more charge upon the fellow? + + PUNT. Charge! no; there were no policy in that; that were to let him know + the value of the gem he holds, and so to tempt frail nature against her + disposition. No, pray thee let thy honesty be sweet, as it shall be short. + + GROOM. Yes, sir. + + PUNT. But hark you, gallants, and chiefly monsieur Brisk: when we come in + eye-shot, or presence of this lady, let not other matters carry us from our + project; but, if we can, single her forth to some place — + + FAST. I warrant you. + + PUNT. And be not too sudden, but let the device induce itself with good + circumstance. On. + + FUNG. Is this the way? good truth, here be fine hangings. + [EXEUNT PUNT., FAST., AND FUNGOSO. + + GROOM. Honesty! sweet, and short! Marry, it shall, sir, doubt you not; + for even at this instant if one would give me twenty pounds, I would not + deliver him; there's for the sweet: but now, if any man come offer me but + two-pence, he shall have him; there's for the short now. 'Slid, what a mad + humorous gentleman is this to leave his dog with me! I could run away with + him now, an he were worth any thing. + + ENTER MACILENTE AND SOGLIARDO. + MACI. Come on, signior, now prepare to court this all-witted lady, most + naturally, and like yourself. + + SOG. Faith, an you say the word, I'll begin to her in tobacco. + + MACI. O, fie on't! no; you shall begin with, "How does my sweet lady", + or, "Why are you so melancholy, madam?" though she be very merry, it's all + one. Be sure to kiss your hand often enough; pray for her health, and tell + her, how "More than most fair she is". Screw your face at one side thus, + and protest: let her fleer, and look askance, and hide her teeth with her + fan, when she laughs a fit, to bring her into more matter, that's nothing: + you must talk forward, (though it be without sense, so it be without + blushing,) 'tis most court-like and well. + + SOG. But shall I not use tobacco at all? + + MACI. O, by no means; 'twill but make your breath suspected, and that you + use it only to confound the rankness of that. + + SOG. Nay, I'll be advised, sir, by my friends. + + MACI. Od's my life, see where sir Puntarvolo's dog is. + + GROOM. I would the gentleman would return for his follower here, I'll + leave him to his fortunes else. + + MACI. 'Twere the only true jest in the world to poison him now; ha! by + this hand I'll do it, if I could but get him of the fellow. [ASIDE.] + Signior Sogliardo, walk aside, and think upon some device to entertain the + lady with. + + SOG. So I do, sir. + [WALKS OFF IN A MEDITATING POSTURE. + + MACI. How now, mine honest friend! whose dog-keeper art thou? + + GROOM. Dog-keeper, sir! I hope I scorn that, i'faith. + + MACI. Why, dost thou not keep a dog? + + GROOM. Sir, now I do, and now I do not: [THROWS OFF THE DOG.] I think + this be sweet and short. Make me his dog-keeper! + [EXIT. + + MACI. This is excellent, above expectation! nay, stay, sir; [SEIZING THE + DOG.] you'd be travelling; but I'll give you a dram shall shorten your + voyage, here. [GIVES HIM POISON.] So, sir, I'll be bold to take my leave + of you. Now to the Turk's court in the devil's name, for you shall never + go o' God's name. [KICKS HIM OUT.] — Sogliardo, come. + + SOG. I have it i'faith now, will sting it. + + MACI. Take heed you leese it not signior, ere you come there; preserve it. + [EXEUNT. + + COR. How like you this first exploit of his? + + MIT. O, a piece of true envy; but I expect the issue of the other device. + + COR. Here they come will make it appear. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SCENE II. — AN APARTMENT IN THE PALACE. + + ENTER SAVIOLINA, PUNTARVOLO, FASTIDIOUS BRISK, AND FUNGOSO. + + SAV. Why, I thought, sir Puntarvolo, you had been gone your voyage? + + PUNT. Dear and most amiable lady, your divine beauties do bind me to those + offices, that I cannot depart when I would. + + SAV. 'Tis most court-like spoken, sir; but how might we do to have a sight + of your dog and cat? + + FAST. His dog is in the court, lady. + + SAV. And not your cat? how dare you trust her behind you, sir. + + PUNT. Troth, madam, she hath sore eyes, and she doth keep her chamber; + marry, I have left her under sufficient guard there are two of my followers + to attend her. + + SAV. I'll give you some water for her eyes. When do you go, sir? + + PUNT. Certes, sweet lady, I know not. + + FAST. He doth stay the rather, madam, to present your acute judgment with + so courtly and well parted a gentleman as yet your ladyship hath never seen. + + SAV. What is he, gentle monsieur Brisk? not that gentleman? + [POINTS TO FUNGOSO. + + FAST. No, lady, this is a kinsman to justice Silence. + + PUNT. Pray, sir, give me leave to report him. He's a gentleman, lady, of + that rare and admirable faculty, as, I protest, I know not his like in + Europe; he is exceedingly valiant, an excellent scholar, and so exactly + travelled, that he is able, in discourse, to deliver you a model of any + prince's court in the world; speaks the languages with that purity of + phrase, and facility of accent, that it breeds astonishment; his wit, the + most exuberant, and, above wonder, pleasant, of all that ever entered the + concave of this ear. + + FAST. 'Tis most true, lady; marry, he is no such excellent proper man. + + PUNT. His travels have changed his complexion, madam. + + SAV. O, sir Puntarvolo, you must think every man was not born to have my + servant Brisk's feature. + + PUNT. But that which transcends all, lady; he doth so peerlessly imitate + any manner of person for gesture, action, passion, or whatever — + + FAST. Ay, especially a rustic or a clown, madam, that it is not possible + for the sharpest-sighted wit in the world to discern any sparks of the + gentleman in him, when he does it. + + SAV. O, monsieur Brisk, be not so tyrannous to confine all wits within the + compass of your own; not find the sparks of a gentleman in him, if he be a + gentleman! + + FUNG. No, in truth, sweet lady, I believe you cannot. + + SAV. Do you believe so? why, I can find sparks of a gentleman in you, sir. + + PUNT. Ay, he is a gentleman, madam, and a reveller. + + FUNG. Indeed, I think I have seen your ladyship at our revels. + + SAV. Like enough, sir; but would I might see this wonder you talk of; may + one have a sight of him for any reasonable sum? + + PUNT. Yes, madam, he will arrive presently. + + SAV. What, and shall we see him clown it? + + FAST. I'faith, sweet lady, that you shall; see, here he comes. + + ENTER MACILENTE AND SOGLIARDO. + PUNT. This is he! pray observe him, lady. + + SAV. Beshrew me, he clowns it properly indeed. + + PUNT. Nay, mark his courtship. + + SOG. How does my sweet lady? hot and moist? beautiful and lusty? ha! + + SAV. Beautiful, an it please you, sir, but not lusty. + + SOG. O ho, lady, it pleases you to say so, in truth: And how does my + sweet lady? in health? 'Bonaroba, quaeso, que novelles? que novelles?' + sweet creature! + + SAV. O excellent! why, gallants, is this he that cannot be deciphered? + they were very blear-witted, i'faith, that could not discern the gentleman + in him. + + PUNT. But you do, in earnest, lady? + + SAV. Do I sir! why, if you had any true court-judgment in the carriage of + his eye, and that inward power that forms his countenance, you might + perceive his counterfeiting as clear as the noon-day; alas — nay, if you + would have tried my wit, indeed, you should never have told me he was a + gentleman, but presented him for a true clown indeed; and then have seen if + I could have deciphered him. + + FAST. 'Fore God, her ladyship says true, knight: but does he not affect + the clown most naturally, mistress? + + PUNT. O, she cannot but affirm that, out of the bounty of her judgment. + + SAV. Nay, out of doubt he does well, for a gentleman to imitate: but I + warrant you, he becomes his natural carriage of the gentleman, much better + than his clownery. + + FAST. 'Tis strange, in truth, her ladyship should see so far into him! + + PUNT. Ay, is it not? + + SAV. Faith, as easily as may be; not decipher him, quoth you! + + FUNG. Good sadness, I wonder at it + + MACI. Why, has she deciphered him, gentlemen? + + PUNT. O, most miraculously, and beyond admiration. + + MACI. Is it possible? + + FAST. She hath gather'd most infallible signs of the gentleman in him, + that's certain. + + SAV. Why, gallants, let me laugh at you a little: was this your device, + to try my judgment in a gentleman? + + MACI. Nay, lady, do not scorn us, though you have this gift of perspicacy + above others. What if he should be no gentleman now, but a clown indeed, + lady? + + PUNT. How think you of that? would not your ladyship be Out of your Humour? + + FAST. O, but she knows it is not so. + + SAV. What if he were not a man, ye may as well say? Nay, if your worships + could gull me so, indeed, you were wiser than you are taken for. + + MACI. In good faith, lady, he is a very perfect clown, both by father and + mother; that I'll assure you. + + SAV. O, sir, you are very pleasurable. + + MACI. Nay, do but look on his hand, and that shall resolve you; look you, + lady, what a palm here is. + + SOG. Tut, that was with holding the plough. + + MACI. The plough! did you discern any such thing in him, madam? + + FAST. Faith no, she saw the gentleman as bright as noon-day, she; she + deciphered him at first. + + MACI. Troth, I am sorry your ladyship's sight should be so suddenly struck. + + SAV. O, you are goodly beagles! + + FAST. What, is she gone? + + SOG. Nay, stay, sweet lady: 'que novelles? que novelles?' + + SAV. Out, you fool, you! + [EXIT IN ANGER. + + FUNG. She's Out of her Humour, i'faith. + + FAST. Nay, let's follow it while 'tis hot, gentlemen. + + PUNT. Come, on mine honour we shall make her blush in the presence; my + spleen is great with laughter. + + MACI. Your laughter will be a child of a feeble life, I believe, sir. + [ASIDE.] — Come, signior, your looks are too dejected, methinks; why mix + you not mirth with the rest? + + FUNG. Od's will, this suit frets me at the soul. I'll have it alter'd + to-morrow, sure. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SCENE III. — THE PALACE STAIRS. + + ENTER SHIFT. + + SHIFT. I am come to the court, to meet with my Countenance, Sogliardo; + poor men must be glad of such countenance, when they can get no better. + Well, need may insult upon a man, but it shall never make him despair of + consequence. The world will say, 'tis base: tush, base! 'tis base to + live under the earth, not base to live above it by any means. + + ENTER FASTIDIOUS, PUNTARVOLO, SOGLIARDO, FUNGOSO, AND MACILENTE. + FAST. The poor lady is most miserably out of her humour, i'faith. + + PUNT. There was never so witty a jest broken, at the tilt of all the court + wits christen'd. + + MACI. O, this applause taints it foully. + + SOG. I think I did my part in courting. — O, Resolution! + + PUNT. Ay me, my dog! + + MACI. Where is he? + + FAST. 'Sprecious, go seek for the fellow, good signior + [EXIT FUNGOSO. + + PUNT. Here, here I left him. + + MACI. Why, none was here when we came in now, but cavalier Shirt; enquire + of him. + + FAST. Did you see sir Puntarvolo's dog here, cavalier, since you came? + + SHIFT. His dog, sir! he may look his dog, sir; I saw none of his dog, sir. + + MACI. Upon my life, he has stolen your dog, sir, and been hired to it by + some that have ventured with you; you may guess by his peremptory answers. + + PUNT. Not unlike; for he hath been a notorious thief by his own + confession. Sirrah, where is my dog? + + SHIFT. Charge me with your dog, sir! I have none of your dog, sir. + + PUNT. Villain, thou liest. + + SHIFT. Lie, sir! s'blood, — you are but a man, sir. + + PUNT. Rogue and thief, restore him. + + SOG. Take heed, sir Puntarvolo, what you do; he'll bear no coals, I can + tell you, o' my word. + + MACI. This is rare. + + SOG. It's marle he stabs you not: By this light, he hath stabbed forty, + for forty times less matter, I can tell you of my knowledge. + + PUNT. I will make thee stoop, thou abject. + + SOG. Make him stoop, sir! Gentlemen, pacify him, or he'll be kill'd. + + MACI. Is he so tall a man? + + SOG. Tall a man! if you love his life, stand betwixt them. Make him stoop! + + PUNT. My dog, villain, or I will hang thee; thou hast confest robberies, + and other felonious acts, to this gentleman, thy Countenance — + + SOG. I'll bear no witness. + + PUNT. And without my dog, I will hang thee, for them. + [SHIFT KNEELS. + + SOG. What! kneel to thine enemies! + + SHIFT. Pardon me, good sir; God is my witness, I never did robbery in all + my life. + + RE-ENTER FUNGOSO. + FUNG. O, sir Puntarvolo, your dog lies giving up the ghost in the wood-yard. + + MACI. Heart, is he not dead yet! + [ASIDE. + + PUNT. O, my dog, born to disastrous fortune! pray you conduct me, sir. + [EXIT WITH FUNGOSO. + + SOG. How! did you never do any robbery in your life? + + MACI. O, this is good! so he swore, sir. + + SOG. Ay, I heard him: and did you swear true, sir? + + SHIFT. Ay, as I hope to be forgiven, sir, I never robbed any man; I never + stood by the highwayside, sir, but only said so, because I would get myself + a name, and be counted a tall man. + + SOG. Now out, base viliaco! thou my Resolution! I thy Countenance! By + this light, gentlemen, he hath confest to me the most inexorable company of + robberies, and damn'd himself that he did 'em: you never heard the like. + Out, scoundrel, out! follow me no more, I command thee; out of my sight, + go, hence, speak not; I will not hear thee: away, camouccio! + [EXIT SHIFT. + + MACI. O, how I do feed upon this now, and fat myself! here were a couple + unexpectedly dishumour'd. Well, by this time, I hope, sir Puntarvolo and + his dog are both out of humour to travel. [ASIDE.] — Nay, gentlemen, why + do you not seek out the knight, and comfort him? our supper at the Mitre + must of necessity hold to-night, if you love your reputations. + + FAST. 'Fore God, I am so melancholy for his dog's disaster — but I'll go. + + SOG. Faith, and I may go too, but I know I shall be so melancholy. + + MACI. Tush, melancholy! you must forget that now, and remember you lie at + the mercy of a fury: Carlo will rack your sinews asunder, and rail you to + dust, if you come not. + [EXEUNT. + + MIT. O, then their fear of Carlo, belike, makes them hold their meeting. + + COR. Ay, here he comes; conceive him but to be enter'd the Mitre, and 'tis + enough. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SCENE IV. — A ROOM AT THE MITRE. + + ENTER CARLO. + CAR. Holla! where be these shot-sharks? + + ENTER DRAWER. + + DRAW. By and by; you are welcome, good master Buffone. + + CAR. Where's George? call me George hither, quickly. + + DRAW. What wine please you have, sir? I'll draw you that's neat, master + Buffone. + + CAR. Away, neophite, do as I bid thee, bring my dear George to me: — + ENTER GEORGE. + Mass, here he comes. + + GEORGE. Welcome, master Carlo. + + CAR. What, is supper ready, George? + + GEORGE. Ay, sir, almost: Will you have the cloth laid, master Carlo? + + CAR. O, what else? Are none of the gallants come yet? + + GEORGE. None yet, sir. + + CAR. Stay, take me with you, George; let me have a good fat loin of pork + laid to the fire, presently. + + GEORGE. It shall, sir. + + CAR. And withal, hear you, draw me the biggest shaft you have out of the + butt you wot of; away, you know my meaning, George; quick! + + GEORGE. Done, sir. + [EXIT. + + CAR. I never hungered so much for anything in my life, as I do to know our + gallants' success at court; now is that lean, bald-rib Macilente, that salt + villain, plotting some mischievous device, and lies a soaking in their + frothy humours like a dry crust, till he has drunk 'em all up: Could the + pummice but hold up his eyes at other men's happiness, in any reasonable + proportion, 'slid, the slave were to be loved next heaven, above honour, + wealth, rich fare, apparel, wenches, all the delights of the belly and the + groin, whatever. + + RE-ENTER GEORGE WITH TWO JUGS OF WINE. + GEORGE. Here, master Carlo. + + CAR. Is it right, boy? + + GEORGE. Ay, sir, I assure you 'tis right. + + CAR. Well said, my dear George, depart: [EXIT GEORGE.] — Come, my small + gimblet, you in the false scabbard, away, so! [PUTS FORTH THE DRAWER, AND + SHUTS THE DOOR.] Now to you, sir Burgomaster, let's taste of your bounty. + + MIT. What, will he deal upon such quantities of wine, alone? + + COR. You will perceive that, sir. + + CAR. [DRINKS.] Ay, marry, sir, here's purity; O, George — I could bite + off his nose for this now, sweet rogue, he has drawn nectar, the very soul + of the grape! I'll wash my temples with some on't presently, and drink + some half a score draughts; 'twill heat the brain, kindle my imagination, I + shall talk nothing but crackers and fire-works to-night. So, sir! please + you to be here, sir, and I here: so. + [SETS THE TWO CUPS ASUNDER, DRINKS WITH THE ONE, AND PLEDGES WITH THE + OTHER, SPEAKING FOR EACH OF THE CUPS, AND DRINKING ALTERNATELY. + + COR. This is worth the observation, signior. + + CAR. 1 CUP. Now, sir, here's to you; and I present you with so much of my + love. + + 2 CUP. I take it kindly from you, sir. [DRINKS], and will return you the + like proportion; but withal, sir, remembering the merry night we had at the + countess's, you know where, sir. + + 1 CUP. By heaven, you put me in mind now of a very necessary office, which + I will propose in your pledge, sir; the health of that honourable countess, + and the sweet lady that sat by her, sir. + + 2 CUP. I do vail to it with reverence [DRINKS]. And now, signior, with + these ladies, I'll be bold to mix the health of your divine mistress. + + 1 CUP. Do you know her, sir? + + 2 CUP. O lord, sir, ay; and in the respectful memory and mention of her, I + could wish this wine were the most precious drug in the world. + + 1 CUP. Good faith, sir, you do honour me in't exceedingly. [DRINKS.] + + MIT. Whom should he personate in this, signior? + + COR. Faith, I know not, sir; observe, observe him. + + 2 CUP. If it were the basest filth, or mud that runs in the channel, I am + bound to pledge it respectively, sir. [DRINKS.] And now, sir, here is a + replenish'd bowl, which I will reciprocally turn upon you, to the health of + the count Frugale. + + 1 CUP. The count Frugale's health, sir? I'll pledge it on my knees, by + this light. + [KNEELS. + + 2 CUP. Nay, do me right, sir. + + 1 CUP. So I do, in faith. + + 2 CUP. Good faith you do not; mine was fuller. + + 1 CUP. Why, believe me, it was not. + + 2 CUP. Believe me it was; and you do lie. + + 1 CUP. Lie, sir! + + 2 CUP. Ay, sir. + + 1 CUP. 'Swounds! you rascal! + + 2 CUP. O, come, stab if you have a mind to it. + + 1 CUP. Stab! dost thou think I dare not? + + CAR. [SPEAKS IN HIS OWN PERSON.] Nay, I beseech you, gentlemen, what + means this? nay, look, for shame respect your reputations. + [OVERTURNS WINE, POT, CUPS, AND ALL. + + ENTER MACILENTE. + MACI. Why, how now, Carlo! what humour's this? + + CAR. O, my good mischief! art thou come? where are the rest, where are + the rest? + + MACI. Faith, three of our ordnance are burst. + + CAR. Burst! how comes that? + + MACI. Faith, overcharged, overcharged. + + CAR. But did not the train hold? + + MACI. O, yes, and the poor lady is irrecoverably blown up. + + CAR. Why, but which of the munition is miscarried, ha? + + MACI. Imprimis, sir Puntarvolo; next, the Countenance and Resolution. + + CAR. How, how, for the love of wit? + + MACI. Troth, the Resolution is proved recreant; the Countenance hath + changed his copy; and the passionate knight is shedding funeral tears over + his departed dog. + + CAR. What! is his dog dead? + + MACI. Poison'd, 'tis thought; marry, how, or by whom, that's left for some + cunning woman here o' the Bank-side to resolve. For my part, I know + nothing more than that we are like to have an exceeding melancholy supper + of it. + + CAR. 'Slife, and I had purposed to be extraordinarily merry, I had drunk + off a good preparative of old sack here; but will they come, will they come? + + MACI. They will assuredly come; marry, Carlo, as thou lov'st me, run over + 'em all freely to-night, and especially the knight; spare no sulphurous + jest that may come out of that sweaty forge of thine; but ply them with all + manner of shot, minion, saker, culverin, or anything, what thou wilt. + + CAR. I warrant thee, my dear case of petrionels; so I stand not in dread + of thee, but that thou'lt second me. + + MACI. Why, my good German tapster, I will. + + CAR. What George! Lomtero, Lomtero, etc. + [SINGS AND DANCES. + + RE-ENTER GEORGE. + GEORGE. Did you call, master Carlo? + + CAR. More nectar, George: Lomtero, etc. + + GEORGE. Your meat's ready, sir, an your company were come. + + CAR. Is the loin pork enough? + + GEORGE. Ay, sir, it is enough. + [EXIT. + + MACI. Pork! heart, what dost thou with such a greasy dish? I think thou + dost varnish thy face with the fat on't, it looks so like a glue-pot. + + CAR. True, my raw-boned rogue, and if thou wouldst farce thy lean ribs + with it too, they would not, like ragged laths, rub out so many doublets as + they do; but thou know'st not a good dish, thou. O, it's the only + nourishing meat in the world. No marvel though that saucy, stubborn + generation, the Jews, were forbidden it; for what would they have done, + well pamper'd with fat pork, that durst murmur at their Maker out of + garlick and onions? 'Slight! fed with it, the whoreson strummel-patch'd, + goggle-eyed grumble-dories, would have gigantomachised — + RE-ENTER GEORGE WITH WINE. + Well said, my sweet George, fill, fill. + + MIT. This savours too much of profanation. + + COR. O — — Servetur ad imum, + Qualis ab incoepto processerit, et sibi constet. + "The necessity of his vein compels a toleration, for; bar this, and dash + him out of humour before his time." + + CAR. "'Tis an axiom in natural philosophy, what comes nearest the nature + of that it feeds, converts quicker to nourishment, and doth sooner + essentiate." Now nothing in flesh and entrails assimilates or resembles + man more than a hog or swine. + [DRINKS. + + MACI. True; and he, to requite their courtesy, oftentimes doffeth his own + nature, and puts on theirs; as when he becomes as churlish as a hog, or as + drunk as a sow; but to your conclusion. + [DRINKS. + + CAR. Marry, I say, nothing resembling man more than a swine, it follows, + nothing can be more nourishing; for indeed (but that it abhors from our + nice nature) if we fed upon one another, we should shoot up a great deal + faster, and thrive much better; I refer me to your usurous cannibals, or + such like; but since it is so contrary, pork, pork, is your only feed. + + MACI. I take it, your devil be of the same diet; he would never have + desired to have been incorporated into swine else. — O, here comes the + melancholy mess; upon 'em, Carlo, charge, charge! + + ENTER PUNTARVOLO, FASTIDIOUS BRISK, SOGLIARDO, AND FUNGOSO. + CAR. 'Fore God, sir Puntarvolo, I am sorry for your heaviness: body o' + me, a shrew'd mischance! why, had you no unicorn's horn, nor bezoar's + stone about you, ha? + + PUNT. Sir, I would request you be silent. + + MACI. Nay, to him again. + + CAR. Take comfort, good knight, if your cat have recovered her catarrh, + fear nothing; your dog's mischance may be holpen. + + FAST. Say how, sweet Carlo; for, so God mend me, the poor knight's moans + draw me into fellowship of his misfortunes. But be not discouraged, good + sir Puntarvolo, I am content your adventure shall be performed upon your + cat. + + MACI. I believe you, musk-cod, I believe you; for rather than thou + would'st make present repayment, thou would'st take it upon his own bare + return from Calais + [ASIDE. + + CAR. Nay, 'slife, he'd be content, so he were well rid out of his company, + to pay him five for one, at his next meeting him in Paul's. [ASIDE TO + MACILENTE.] — But for your dog, sir Puntarvolo, if he be not out-right + dead, there is a friend of mine, a quack-salver, shall put life in him + again, that's certain. + + FUNG. O, no, that comes too late. + + MACI. 'Sprecious! knight, will you suffer this? + + PUNT. Drawer, get me a candle and hard wax presently. + [EXIT GEORGE. + + SOG. Ay, and bring up supper; for I am so melancholy. + + CAR. O, signior, where's your Resolution? + + SOG. Resolution! hang him, rascal: O, Carlo, if you love me, do not + mention him. + + CAR. Why, how so? + + SOG. O, the arrantest crocodile that ever Christian was acquainted with. + By my gentry, I shall think the worse of tobacco while I live, for his + sake: I did think him to be as tall a man — + + MACI. Nay, Buffone, the knight, the knight + [ASIDE TO CARLO. + + CAR. 'Slud, he looks like an image carved out of box, full of knots; his + face is, for all the world, like a Dutch purse, with the mouth downward, + his beard the tassels; and he walks — let me see — as melancholy as one + o' the master's side in the Counter. — Do you hear, sir Puntarvolo? + + PUNT. Sir, I do entreat you, no more, but enjoin you to silence, as you + affect your peace. + + CAR. Nay, but dear knight, understand here are none but friends, and such + as wish you well, I would have you do this now; flay me your dog presently + (but in any case keep the head) and stuff his skin well with straw, as you + see these dead monsters at Bartholomew fair. + + PUNT. I shall be sudden, I tell you. + + CAR. O, if you like not that, sir, get me somewhat a less dog, and clap + into the skin; here's a slave about the town here, a Jew, one Yohan: or a + fellow that makes perukes will glue it on artificially, it shall never be + discern'd; besides, 'twill be so much the warmer for the hound to travel + in, you know. + + MACI. Sir Puntarvolo, death, can you be so patient! + + CAR. Or thus, sir; you may have, as you come through Germany, a familiar + for little or nothing, shall turn itself into the shape of your dog, or any + thing, what you will, for certain hours — [PUNTARVOLO STRIKES HIM] — Ods + my life, knight, what do you mean? you'll offer no violence, will you? + hold, hold! + + RE-ENTER GEORGE, WITH WAX, AND A LIGHTED CANDLE. + PUNT. 'Sdeath, you slave, you ban-dog, you! + + CAR. As you love wit, stay the enraged knight, gentlemen. + + PUNT. By my knighthood, he that stirs in his rescue, dies. — Drawer, begone! + [EXIT GEORGE. + + CAR. Murder, murder, murder! + + PUNT. Ay, are you howling, you wolf? — Gentlemen, as you tender your + lives, suffer no man to enter till my revenge be perfect. Sirrah, Buffone, + lie down; make no exclamations, but down; down, you cur, or I will make thy + blood flow on my rapier hilts. + + CAR. Sweet knight, hold in thy fury, and 'fore heaven I'll honour thee + more than the Turk does Mahomet. + + PUNT. Down, I say! [CARLO LIES DOWN.] — Who's there? + [KNOCKING WITHIN. + + CONS. [WITHIN.] Here's the constable, open the doors. + + CAR. Good Macilente — + + PUNT. Open no door; if the Adalantado of Spain were here he should not + enter: one help me with the light, gentlemen; you knock in vain, sir + officer. + + CAR. 'Et tu, Brute!' + + PUNT. Sirrah, close your lips, or I will drop it in thine eyes, by heaven. + + CAR. O! O! + + CONS. [WITHIN] Open the door, or I will break it open. + + MACI. Nay, good constable, have patience a little; you shall come in + presently; we have almost done. + [PUNTARVOLO SEALS UP CARLO'S LIPS. + + PUNT. So, now, are you Out of your Humour, sir? Shift, gentlemen + [THEY ALL DRAW, AND RUN OUT, EXCEPT FUNGOSO, WHO CONCEALS HIMSELF BENEATH + THE TABLE. + + ENTER CONSTABLE AND OFFICERS, AND SEIZE FASTIDIOUS AS HE IS RUSHING BY. + CONS. Lay hold upon this gallant, and pursue the rest. + + FAST. Lay hold on me, sir, for what? + + CONS. Marry, for your riot here, sir, with the rest of your companions. + + FAST. My riot! master constable, take heed what you do. Carlo, did I + offer any violence? + + CONS. O, sir, you see he is not in case to answer you, and that makes you + so peremptory. + + RE-ENTER GEORGE AND DRAWER. + FAST. Peremptory! 'Slife, I appeal to the drawers, if I did him any hard + measure. + + GEORGE. They are all gone, there's none of them will be laid any hold on. + + CONS. Well, sir, you are like to answer till the rest can be found out. + + FAST. 'Slid, I appeal to George here. + + CONS. Tut, George was not here: away with him to the Counter, sirs. — + Come, sir, you were best get yourself drest somewhere. + [EXEUNT CONST. AND OFFICERS, WITH FAST. AND CAR. + + GEORGE. Good lord, that master Carlo could not take heed, and knowing what + a gentleman the knight is, if he be angry. + + DRAWER. A pox on 'em, they have left all the meat on our hands; would they + were choaked with it for me! + + RE-ENTER MACILENTE. + MACI. What, are they gone, sirs? + + GEORGE. O, here's master Macilente. + + MACI. [POINTING TO FUNGOSO.] Sirrah, George, do you see that concealment + there, that napkin under the table? + + GEORGE. 'Ods so, signior Fungoso! + + MACI. He's good pawn for the reckoning; be sure you keep him here, and let + him not go away till I come again, though he offer to discharge all; I'll + return presently. + + GEORGE. Sirrah, we have a pawn for the reckoning. + + DRAW. What, of Macilente? + + GEORGE. No; look under the table. + + FUNG. [CREEPING OUT.] I hope all be quiet now; if I can get but forth of + this street, I care not: masters, I pray you tell me, is the constable + gone? + + GEORGE. What, master Fungoso! + + FUNG. Was't not a good device this same of me, sirs? + + GEORGE. Yes, faith; have you been here all this while? + + FUNG. O lord, ay; good sir, look an the coast be clear, I'd fain be going. + + GEORGE. All's clear, sir, but the reckoning; and that you must clear and + pay before you go, I assure you. + + FUNG. I pay! 'Slight, I eat not a bit since I came into the house, yet. + + DRAW. Why, you may when you please, 'tis all ready below that was bespoken. + + FUNG. Bespoken! not by me, I hope? + + GEORGE. By you, sir! I know not that; but 'twas for you and your company, + I am sure. + + FUNG. My company! 'Slid, I was an invited guest, so I was. + + DRAW. Faith we have nothing to do with that, sir: they are all gone but + you, and we must be answered; that's the short and the long on't. + + FUNG. Nay, if you will grow to extremities, my masters, then would this + pot, cup, and all were in my belly, if I have a cross about me. + + GEORGE. What, and have such apparel! do not say so, signior; that + mightily discredits your clothes. + + FUNG. As I am an honest man, my tailor had all my money this morning, and + yet I must be fain to alter my suit too. Good sirs, let me go, 'tis Friday + night, and in good truth I have no stomach in the world to eat any thing. + + DRAW. That's no matter, so you pay, sir. + + FUNG. 'Slight, with what conscience can you ask me to pay that I never + drank for? + + GEORGE. Yes, sir, I did see you drink once. + + FUNG. By this cup, which is silver, but you did not; you do me infinite + wrong: I looked in the pot once, indeed, but I did not drink. + + DRAW. Well, sir, if you can satisfy our master, it shall be all one to us. + + WITHIN. George! + + GEORGE. By and by. + [EXEUNT. + + COR. Lose not yourself now, signior +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SCENE V. — A ROOM IN DELIRO'S HOUSE. + + ENTER MACILENTE AND DELIRO. + + MACI. Tut, sir, you did bear too hard a conceit of me in that; but I will + not make my love to you most transparent, in spite of any dust of suspicion + that may be raised to cloud it; and henceforth, since I see it is so + against your humour, I will never labour to persuade you. + + DELI. Why, I thank you, signior; but what is that you tell me may concern + my peace so much? + + MACI. Faith, sir, 'tist hus. Your wife's brother, signior Fungoso, being + at supper to-night at a tavern, with a sort of gallants, there happened + some division amongst them, and he is left in pawn for the reckoning. Now, + if ever you look that time shall present you with an happy occasion to do + your wife some gracious and acceptable service, take hold of this + opportunity, and presently go and redeem him; for, being her brother, and + his credit so amply engaged as now it is, when she shall hear, (as he + cannot himself, but he must out of extremity report it,) that you came, and + offered y ourself so kindly, and with that respect of his reputation; why, the + benefit cannot but make her dote, and grow mad of your affections. + + DELI. Now, by heaven, Macilente, I acknowledge myself exceedingly indebted + to you, by this kind tender of your love; and I am sorry to remember that I + was ever so rude, to neglect a friend of your importance. — Bring me shoes + and a cloak here. — I was going to bed, if you had not come. What tavern + is it? + + MACI. The Mitre, sir. + + DELI. O! Why, Fido! my shoes. — Good faith, it cannot but please her + exceedingly. + + ENTER FALLACE. + FAL. Come, I marle what piece of night-work you have in hand now, that you + call for a cloak, and your shoes: What, is this your pander? + + DELI. O, sweet wife, speak lower, I would not he should hear thee for a + world — + + FAL. Hang him, rascal, I cannot abide him for his treachery, with his wild + quick-set beard there. Whither go you now with him? + + DELI. No, whither with him, dear wife; I go alone to a place, from whence + I will return instantly. — Good Macilente, acquaint not her with it by any + means, it may come so much the more accepted; frame some other answer. — + I'll come back immediately. + [EXIT. + + FAL. Nay, an I be not worthy to know whither you go, stay till I take + knowledge of your coming back. + + MACI. Hear you, mistress Deliro. + + FAL. So, sir, and what say you? + + MACI. Faith, lady, my intents will not deserve this slight respect, when + you shall know them. + + FAL. Your intents! why, what may your intents be, for God's sake? + + MACI. Troth, the time allows no circumstance, lady, therefore know this + was but a device to remove your husband hence, and bestow him securely, + whilst, with more conveniency, I might report to you a misfortune that hath + happened to monsieur Brisk — Nay, comfort, sweet lady. This night, being + at supper, a sort of young gallants committed a riot, for the which he only + is apprehended and carried to the Counter, where, if your husband, and + other creditors, should but have knowledge of him, the poor gentleman were + undone for ever. + + FAL. Ah me! that he were. + + MACI. Now, therefore, if you can think upon any present means for his + delivery, do not foreslow it. A bribe to the officer that committed him + will do it. + + FAL. O lord, sir! he shall not want for a bribe; pray you, will you + commend me to him, and say I'll visit him presently. + + MACI. No, lady, I shall do you better service, in protracting your + husband's return, that you may go with more safety. + + FAL. Good truth, so you may; farewell, good sir. [EXIT MACI.] — Lord, + how a woman may be mistaken in a man! I would have sworn upon all the + Testaments in the world he had not loved master Brisk. Bring me my keys + there, maid. Alas, good gentleman, if all I have in this earthly world + will pleasure him, it shall be at his service. + [EXIT. + + MIT. How Macilente sweats in this business, if you mark him! + + COR. Ay, you shall see the true picture of spite, anon: here comes the + pawn and his redeemer. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SCENE VI. — A ROOM AT THE MITRE. + + ENTER DELIRO, FUNGOSO, AND GEORGE. + + DELI. Come, brother, be not discouraged for this, man; what! + + FUNG. No, truly, I am not discouraged; but I protest to you, brother, I + have done imitating any more gallants either in purse or apparel, but as + shall become a gentleman, for good carriage, or so. + + DELI. You say well. — This is all in the bill here, is it not? + + GEORGE. Ay, sir. + + DELI. There's your money, tell it: and, brother, I am glad I met with so + good occasion to shew my love to you. + + FUNG. I will study to deserve it in good truth an I live. + + DELI. What, is it right? + + GEORGE. Ay, sir, and I thank you. + + FUNG. Let me have a capon's leg saved, now the reckoning is paid. + + GEORGE. You shall, sir + [EXIT. + + ENTER MACILENTE. + MACI. Where's signior Deliro? + + DELI. Here, Macilente. + + MACI. Hark you, sir, have you dispatch'd this same? + + DELI. Ay, marry have I. + + MACI. Well then, I can tell you news; Brisk is in the Counter. + + DELI. In the Counter! + + MACI. 'Tis true, sir, committed for the stir here to-night. Now would I + have you send your brother home afore him, with the report of this your + kindness done him, to his sister, which will so pleasingly possess her, and + out of his mouth too, that in the meantime you may clap your action on + Brisk, and your wife, being in so happy a mood, cannot entertain it ill, by + any means. + + DELI. 'Tis very true, she cannot, indeed, I think. + + MACI. Think! why 'tis past thought; you shall never meet the like + opportunity, I assure you. + + DELI. I will do it. — Brother, pray you go home afore (this gentleman and + I have some private business), and tell my sweet wife I'll come presently. + + FUNG. I will, brother. + + MACI. And, signior, acquaint your sister, how liberally, and out of his + bounty, your brother has used you (do you see?), made you a man of good + reckoning; redeem'd that you never were possest of, credit; gave you as + gentlemanlike terms as might be; found no fault with your coming behind the + fashion; nor nothing. + + FUNG. Nay, I am out of those humours now. + + MACI. Well, if you be out, keep your distance, and be not made a shot-clog + any more. — Come, signior, let's make haste. + [EXEUNT. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SCENE VII. — THE COUNTER. + + ENTER FALLACE AND FASTIDIOUS BRISK. + + FAL. O, master Fastidious, what pity is it to see so sweet a man as you + are, in so sour a place! + [KISSES HIM. + + COR. As upon her lips, does she mean? + + MIT. O, this is to be imagined the Counter, belike. + + FAST. Troth, fair lady, 'tis first the pleasure of the fates, and next of + the constable, to have it so: but I am patient, and indeed comforted the + more in your kind visit. + + FAL. Nay, you shall be comforted in me more than this, if you please, sir. + I sent you word by my brother, sir, that my husband laid to 'rest you this + morning; I know now whether you received it or no. + + FAST. No, believe it, sweet creature, your brother gave me no such + intelligence. + + FAL. O, the lord! + + FAST. But has your husband any such purpose? + + FAL. O, sweet master Brisk, yes: and therefore be presently discharged, + for if he come with his actions upon you, Lord deliver you! you are in for + one half-a-score year; he kept a poor man in Ludgate once twelve year for + sixteen shillings. Where's your keeper? for love's sake call him, let him + take a bribe, and despatch you. Lord, how my heart trembles! here are no + spies, are there? + + FAST. No, sweet mistress. Why are you in this passion? + + FAL. O lord, master Fastidious, if you knew how I took up my husband + to-day, when he said he would arrest you; and how I railed at him that + persuaded him to it, the scholar there (who, on my conscience, loves you + now), and what care I took to send you intelligence by my brother; and how + I gave him four sovereigns for his pains: and now, how I came running out + hither without man or boy with me, so soon as I heard on't; you'd say I + were in a passion indeed. Your keeper, for God's sake! O, master Brisk, + as 'tis in 'Euphues', 'Hard is the choice, when one is compelled either by + silence to die with grief, or by speaking to live with shame'. + + FAST. Fair lady, I conceive you, and may this kiss assure you, that where + adversity hath, as it were, contracted, prosperity shall not — Od's me! + your husband. + + ENTER DELIRO AND MACILENTE. + FAL. O me! + + DELI. Ay! Is it thus? + + MACI. Why, how now, signior Deliro! has the wolf seen you, ha? Hath + Gorgon's head made marble of you? + + DELI. Some planet strike me dead! + + MACI. Why, look you, sir, I told you, you might have suspected this long + afore, had you pleased, and have saved this labour of admiration now, and + passion, and such extremities as this frail lump of flesh is subject unto. + Nay, why do you not doat now, signior? methinks you should say it were + some enchantment, 'deceptio visus', or so, ha! If you could persuade + yourself it were a dream now, 'twere excellent: faith, try what you can + do, signior: it may be your imagination will be brought to it in time; + there's nothing impossible. + + FAL. Sweet husband! + + DELI. Out, lascivious strumpet! + [EXIT. + + MACI. What! did you see how ill that stale vein became him afore, of + 'sweet wife', and 'dear heart'; and are you fallen just into the same now, + with 'sweet husband'! Away, follow him, go, keep state: what! remember + you are a woman, turn impudent; give him not the head, though you give him + the horns. Away. And yet, methinks, you should take your leave of 'enfant + perdu' here, your forlorn hope. [EXIT FAL.] — How now, monsieur Brisk? + what! Friday night, and in affliction too, and yet your pulpamenta, your + delicate morsels! I perceive the affection of ladies and gentlewomen + pursues you wheresoever you go, monsieur. + + FAST. Now, in good faith, and as I am gentle, there could not have come a + thing in this world to have distracted me more, than the wrinkled fortunes + of this poor dame. + + MACI. O yes, sir; I can tell you a think will distract you much better, + believe it: Signior Deliro has entered three actions against you, three + actions, monsieur! marry, one of them (I'll put you in comfort) is but + three thousand, and the other two, some five thousand pound together: + trifles, trifles. + + FAST. O, I am undone. + + MACI. Nay, not altogether so, sir; the knight must have his hundred pound + repaid, that will help too; and then six score pounds for a diamond, you + know where. These be things will weigh, monsieur, they will weigh. + + FAST. O heaven! + + MACI. What! do you sigh? this is to 'kiss the hand of a countess', to + 'have her coach sent for you', to 'hang poniards in ladies' garters', to + 'wear bracelets of their hair', and for every one of these great favours to + 'give some slight jewel of five hundred crowns, or so'; why, 'tis nothing. + Now, monsieur, you see the plague that treads on the heels o' your foppery: + well, go your ways in, remove yourself to the two-penny ward quickly, to + save charges, and there set up your rest to spend sir Puntarvolo's hundred + pound for him. Away, good pomander, go! + [EXIT FASTIDIOUS. + Why here's a change! now is my soul at peace: + I am as empty of all envy now, + As they of merit to be envied at. + My humour, like a flame, no longer lasts + Than it hath stuff to feed it; and their folly + Being now raked up in their repentant ashes, + Affords no ampler subject to my spleen. + I am so far from malicing their states, + That I begin to pity them. It grieves me + To think they have a being. I could wish + They might turn wise upon it, and be saved now, + So heaven were pleased; but let them vanish, vapours! — + Gentlemen, how like you it? has't not been tedious? + + COR. Nay, we have done censuring now. + + MIT. Yes, faith. + + MACI. How so? + + COR. Marry, because we'll imitate your actors, and be out of our humours. + Besides, here are those round about you of more ability in censure than we, + whose judgments can give it a more satisfying allowance; we'll refer you to + them. + [EXEUNT CORDATUS AND MITIS. + + MACI. [COMING FORWARD.] Ay, is it even so? — Well, gentlemen, I should + have gone in, and return'd to you as I was Asper at the first; but by + reason the shift would have been somewhat long, and we are loth to draw + your patience farther, we'll entreat you to imagine it. And now, that you + may see I will be out of humour for company, I stand wholly to your kind + approbation, and indeed am nothing so peremptory as I was in the beginning: + marry, I will not do as Plautus in his 'Amphytrio', for all this, 'summi + Jovis causa plaudite'; beg a plaudite for God's sake; but if you, out of + the bounty of your good-liking, will bestow it, why, you may in time make + lean Macilente as fat as sir John Falstaff. + [EXIT. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + THE EPILOGUE + + AT THE + PRESENTATION BEFORE QUEEN ELIZABETH + + BY MACILENTE. + + Never till now did object greet mine eyes + With any light content: but in her graces + All my malicious powers have lost their stings. + Envy is fled from my soul at sight of her, + And she hath chased all black thoughts from my bosom, + Like as the sun doth darkness from the world, + My stream of humour is run out of me, + And as our city's torrent, bent t'infect + The hallow'd bowels of the silver Thames, + Is check'd by strength and clearness of the river, + Till it hath spent itself even at the shore; + So in the ample and unmeasured flood + Of her perfections, are my passions drown'd; + And I have now a spirit as sweet and clear + As the more rarefied and subtle air: — + With which, and with a heart as pure as fire, + Yet humble as the earth, do I implore + [KNEELS. + O heaven, that She, whose presence hath effected + This change in me, may suffer most late change + In her admired and happy government: + May still this Island be call'd Fortunate, + And rugged Treason tremble at the sound, + When Fame shall speak it with an emphasis. + Let foreign polity be dull as lead, + And pale Invasion come with half a heart, + When he but looks upon her blessed soil. + The throat of War be stopt within her land, + And turtle-footed Peace dance fairy rings + About her court; where never may there come + Suspect or danger, but all trust and safety. + Let Flattery be dumb, and Envy blind + In her dread presence; Death himself admire her; + And may her virtues make him to forget + The use of his inevitable hand. + Fly from her, Age; sleep, Time, before her throne; + Our strongest wall falls down, when she is gone. +</pre> + <p> + <a name="link2H_GLOS" id="link2H_GLOS"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + GLOSSARY + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + ABATE, cast down, subdue + ABHORRING, repugnant (to), at variance + ABJECT, base, degraded thing, outcast + ABRASE, smooth, blank + ABSOLUTE(LY), faultless(ly) + ABSTRACTED, abstract, abstruse + ABUSE, deceive, insult, dishonour, make ill use of + ACATER, caterer + ACATES, cates + ACCEPTIVE, willing, ready to accept, receive + ACCOMMODATE, fit, befitting. (The word was a fashionable one and used on + all occasions. See "Henry IV.," pt. 2, iii.4) + ACCOST, draw near, approach + ACKNOWN, confessedly acquainted with + ACME, full maturity + ADALANTADO, lord deputy or governor of a Spanish province + ADJECTION, addition + ADMIRATION, astonishment + ADMIRE, wonder, wonder at + ADROP, philosopher's stone, or substance from which obtained + ADSCRIVE, subscribe + ADULTERATE, spurious, counterfeit + ADVANCE, life + ADVERTISE, inform, give intelligence + ADVERTISED, "be —," be it known to you + ADVERTISEMENT, intelligence + ADVISE, consider, bethink oneself, deliberate + ADVISED, informed, aware; "are you —?" have you found that out? + AFFECT, love, like; aim at; move + AFFECTED, disposed; beloved + AFFECTIONATE, obstinate; prejudiced + AFFECTS, affections + AFFRONT, "give the —," face + AFFY, have confidence in; betroth + AFTER, after the manner of + AGAIN, AGAINST, in anticipation of + AGGRAVATE, increase, magnify, enlarge upon + AGNOMINATION. See Paranomasie + AIERY, nest, brood + AIM, guess + ALL HID, children's cry at hide-and-seek + ALL-TO, completely, entirely ("all-to-be-laden") + ALLOWANCE, approbation, recognition + ALMA-CANTARAS (astron.), parallels of altitude + ALMAIN, name of a dance + ALMUTEN, planet of chief influence in the horoscope + ALONE, unequalled, without peer + ALUDELS, subliming pots + AMAZED, confused, perplexed + AMBER, AMBRE, ambergris + AMBREE, MARY, a woman noted for her valour at the siege of Ghent, 1458 + AMES-ACE, lowest throw at dice + AMPHIBOLIES, ambiguities + AMUSED, bewildered, amazed + AN, if + ANATOMY, skeleton, or dissected body + ANDIRONS, fire-dogs + ANGEL, gold coin worth 10s., stamped with the figure of the archangel Michael + ANNESH CLEARE, spring known as Agnes le Clare + ANSWER, return hit in fencing + ANTIC, ANTIQUE, clown, buffoon + ANTIC, like a buffoon + ANTIPERISTASIS, an opposition which enhances the quality it opposes + APOZEM, decoction + AFFERIL, peril + APPLE-JOHN, APPLE-SQUIRE, pimp, pander + APPLY, attach + APPREHEND, take into custody + APPREHENSIVE, quick of perception; able to perceive and appreciate + APPROVE, prove, confirm + APT, suit, adapt; train, prepare; dispose, incline + APT(LY), suitable(y), opportune(ly) + APTITUDE, suitableness + ARBOR, "make the —," cut up the game (Gifford) + ARCHES, Court of Arches + ARCHIE, Archibald Armstrong, jester to James I. and Charles I. + ARGAILE, argol, crust or sediment in wine casks + ARGENT-VIVE, quicksilver + ARGUMENT, plot of a drama; theme, subject; matter in question; token, proof + ARRIDE, please + ARSEDINE, mixture of copper and zinc, used as an imitation of gold-leaf + ARTHUR, PRINCE, reference to an archery show by a society who assumed arms, + etc., of Arthur's knights + ARTICLE, item + ARTIFICIALLY, artfully + ASCENSION, evaporation, distillation + ASPIRE, try to reach, obtain, long for + ASSALTO (Ital.), assault + ASSAY, draw a knife along the belly of the deer, a ceremony of the + hunting-field + ASSOIL, solve + ASSURE, secure possession or reversion of + ATHANOR, a digesting furnace, calculated to keep up a constant heat + ATONE, reconcile + ATTACH, attack, seize + AUDACIOUS, having spirit and confidence + AUTHENTIC(AL), of authority, authorised, trustworthy, genuine + AVISEMENT, reflection, consideration + AVOID, begone! get rid of + AWAY WITH, endure + AZOCH, Mercurius Philosophorum + + BABION, baboon + BABY, doll + BACK-SIDE, back premises + BAFFLE, treat with contempt + BAGATINE, Italian coin, worth about the third of a farthing + BALARD, horse of magic powers known to old romance + BALDRICK, belt worn across the breast to support bugle, etc. + BALE (of dice), pair + BALK, overlook, pass by, avoid + BALLACE, ballast + BALLOO, game at ball + BALNEUM (BAIN MARIE), a vessel for holding hot water in which other vessels + are stood for heating + BANBURY, "brother of __," Puritan + BANDOG, dog tied or chained up + BANE, woe, ruin + BANQUET, a light repast; dessert + BARB, to clip gold + BARBEL, fresh-water fish + BARE, meer; bareheaded; it was "a particular mark of state and grandeur for + the coachman to be uncovered" (Gifford) + BARLEY-GREAK, game somewhat similar to base + BASE, game of prisoner's base + BASES, richly embroidered skirt reaching to the knees, or lower + BASILISK, fabulous reptile, believed to slay with its eye + BASKET, used for the broken provision collected for prisoners + BASON, basons, etc., were beaten by the attendant mob when bad characters + were "carted" + BATE, be reduced; abate, reduce + BATOON, baton, stick + BATTEN, feed, grow fat + BAWSON, badger + BEADSMAN, PRAYER-MAN, one engaged to pray for another + BEAGLE, small hound; fig. spy + BEAR IN HAND, keep in suspense, deceive with false hopes + BEARWARD, bear leader + BEDPHERE See Phere + BEDSTAFF, (?) wooden pin in the side of the bedstead for supporting the + bedclothes (Johnson); one of the sticks of "laths"; a stick used in making + a bed + BEETLE, heavy mallet + BEG, "I'd — him," the custody of minors and idiots was begged for; + likewise property fallen forfeit to the Crown ("your house had been begged") + BELL-MAN, night watchman + BENJAMIN, an aromatic gum + BERLINA, pillory + BESCUMBER, defile + BESLAVE, beslabber + BESOGNO, beggar + BESPAWLE, bespatter + BETHLEHEM GABOR, Transylvanian hero, proclaimed King of Hungary + BEVER, drinking + BEVIS, SIR, knight of romance whose horse was equally celebrated + BEWAY, reveal, make known + BEZANT, heraldic term: small gold circle + BEZOAR'S STONE, a remedy known by this name was a supposed antidote to poison + BID-STAND, highwayman + BIGGIN, cap, similar to that worn by the Beguines; nightcap + BILIVE (belive), with haste + BILE, nothing, empty talk + BILL, kind of pike + BILLET, wood cut for fuel, stick + BIRDING, thieving + BLACK SANCTUS, burlesque hymn, any unholy riot + BLANK, originally a small French coin + BLANK, white + BLANKET, toss in a blanket + BLAZE, outburst of violence + BLAZE, (her.) blazon; publish abroad + BLAZON, armorial bearings; fig. all that pertains to good birth and breeding + BLIN, "withouten —," without ceasing + BLOW, puff up + BLUE, colour of servants' livery, hence "— order," "— waiters" + BLUSHET, blushing one + BOB, jest, taunt + BOB, beat, thump + BODGE, measure + BODKIN, dagger, or other short, pointed weapon; long pin with which the + women fastened up their hair + BOLT, roll (of material) + BOLT, dislodge, rout out; sift (boulting-tub) + BOLT'S-HEAD, long, straight-necked vessel for distillation. + BOMBARD SLOPS, padded, puffed-out breeches + BONA ROBA, "good, wholesome, plum-cheeked wench" (Johnson) — not always + used in compliment + BONNY-CLABBER, sour butter-milk + BOOKHOLDER, prompter + BOOT, "to —," into the bargain; "no —," of no avail + BORACHIO, bottle made of skin + BORDELLO, brothel + BORNE IT, conducted, carried it through + BOTTLE (of han), bundle, truss + BOTTOM, skein or ball of thread; vessel + BOURD, jest + BOVOLI, snails or cockles dressed in the Italian manner (Gifford) + BOW-POT, flower vase or pot + BOYE, "terrible —," "angry —," roystering young bucks. (See Nares) + BRABBLES (BRABBLESH), brawls + BRACH, bitch + BRADAMANTE, a heroine in 'Orlando Furioso' + BRADLEY, ARTHUR OF, a lively character commemorated in ballads + BRAKE, frame for confining a norse's feet while being shod, or strong curb + or bridle; trap + BRANCHED, with "detached sleeve ornaments, projecting from the shoulders of + the gown" (Gifford) + BRANDISH, flourish of weapon + BRASH, brace + BRAVE, bravado, braggart speech + BRAVE (adv.), gaily, finely (apparelled) + BRAVERIES, gallants + BRAVERY, extravagant gaiety of apparel + BRAVO, bravado, swaggerer + BRAZEN-HEAD, speaking head made by Roger Bacon + BREATHE, pause for relaxation; exercise + BREATH UPON, speak dispraisingly of + BREND, burn + BRIDE-ALE, wedding feast + BRIEF, abstract; (mus.) breve + BRISK, smartly dressed + BRIZE, breese, gadfly + BROAD-SEAL, state seal + BROCK, badger (term of contempt) + BROKE, transact business as a broker + BROOK, endure, put up with + BROUGHTON, HUGH, an English divine and Hebrew scholar + BRUIT, rumour + BUCK, wash + BUCKLE, bend + BUFF, leather made of buffalo skin, used for military and serjeants' coats, + etc. + BUFO, black tincture + BUGLE, long-shaped bead + BULLED, (?) boiled, swelled + BULLIONS, trunk hose + BULLY, term of familiar endearment + BUNGY, Friar Bungay, who had a familiar in the shape of a dog + BURDEN, refrain, chorus + BURGONET, closely-fitting helmet with visor + BURGULLION, braggadocio + BURN, mark wooden measures (" —ing of cans") + BURROUGH, pledge, security + BUSKIN, half-boot, foot gear reaching high up the leg + BUTT-SHAFT, barbless arrow for shooting at butts + BUTTER, NATHANIEL. ("Staple of News"), a compiler of general news. (See + Cunningham) + BUTTERY-HATCH, half-door shutting off the buttery, where provisions and + liquors were stored + BUY, "he bought me," formerly the guardianship of wards could be bought + BUZ, exclamation to enjoin silence + BUZZARD, simpleton + BY AND BY, at once + BY(E), "on the __," incidentally, as of minor or secondary importance; at + the side + BY-CHOP, by-blow, bastard + + CADUCEUS, Mercury's wand + CALIVER, light kind of musket + CALLET, woman of ill repute + CALLOT, coif worn on the wigs of our judges or serjeants-at-law (Gifford) + CALVERED, crimped, or sliced and pickled. (See Nares) + CAMOUCCIO, wretch, knave + CAMUSED, flat + CAN, knows + CANDLE-RENT, rent from house property + CANDLE-WASTER, one who studies late + CANTER, sturdy beggar + CAP OF MAINTENCE, an insignia of dignity, a cap of state borne before kings + at their coronation; also an heraldic term + CAPABLE, able to comprehend, fit to receive instruction, impression + CAPANEUS, one of the "Seven against Thebes" + CARACT, carat, unit of weight for precious stones, etc.; value, worth + CARANZA, Spanish author of a book on duelling + CARCANET, jewelled ornament for the neck + CARE, take care; object + CAROSH, coach, carriage + CARPET, table-cover + CARRIAGE, bearing, behaviour + CARWHITCHET, quip, pun + CASAMATE, casemate, fortress + CASE, a pair + CASE, "in —," in condition + CASSOCK, soldier's loose overcoat + CAST, flight of hawks, couple + CAST, throw dice; vomit; forecast, calculate + CAST, cashiered + CASTING-GLASS, bottle for sprinkling perfume + CASTRIL, kestrel, falcon + CAT, structure used in sieges + CATAMITE, old form of "ganymede" + CATASTROPHE, conclusion + CATCHPOLE, sheriff's officer + CATES, dainties, provisions + CATSO, rogue, cheat + CAUTELOUS, crafty, artful + CENSURE, criticism; sentence + CENSURE, criticise; pass sentence, doom + CERUSE, cosmetic containing white lead + CESS, assess + CHANGE, "hunt —," follow a fresh scent + CHAPMAN, retail dealer + CHARACTER, handwriting + CHARGE, expense + CHARM, subdue with magic, lay a spell on, silence + CHARMING, exercising magic power + CHARTEL, challenge + CHEAP, bargain, market + CHEAR, CHEER, comfort, encouragement; food, entertainment + CHECK AT, aim reproof at + CHEQUIN, gold Italian coin + CHEVEIL, from kidskin, which is elastic and pliable + CHIAUS, Turkish envoy; used for a cheat, swindler + CHILDERMASS DAY, Innocents' Day + CHOKE-BAIL, action which does not allow of bail + CHRYSOPOEIA, alchemy + CHRYSOSPERM, ways of producing gold + CIBATION, adding fresh substances to supply the waste of evaporation + CIMICI, bugs + CINOPER, cinnabar + CIOPPINI, chopine, lady's high shoe + CIRCLING BOY, "a species of roarer; one who in some way drew a man into a + snare, to cheat or rob him" (Nares) + CIRCUMSTANCE, circumlocution, beating about the bush; ceremony, everything + pertaining to a certain condition; detail, particular + CITRONISE, turn citron colour + CITTERN, kind of guitar + CITY-WIRES, woman of fashion, who made use of wires for hair and dress + CIVIL, legal + CLAP, clack, chatter + CLAPPER-DUDGEON, downright beggar + CLAPS HIS DISH, a clap, or clack, dish (dish with a movable lid) was + carried by beggars and lepers to show that the vessel was empty, and to + give sound of their approach + CLARIDIANA, heroine of an old romance + CLARISSIMO, Venetian noble + CLEM, starve + CLICKET, latch + CLIM O' THE CLOUGHS, etc., wordy heroes of romance + CLIMATE, country + CLOSE, secret, private; secretive + CLOSENESS, secrecy + CLOTH, arras, hangings + CLOUT, mark shot at, bull's eye + CLOWN, countryman, clodhopper + COACH-LEAVES, folding blinds + COALS, "bear no —," submit to no affront + COAT-ARMOUR, coat of arms + COAT-CARD, court-card + COB-HERRING, HERRING-COB, a young herring + COB-SWAN, male swan + COCK-A-HOOP, denoting unstinted jollity; thought to be derived from turning + on the tap that all might drink to the full of the flowing liquor + COCKATRICE, reptile supposed to be produced from a cock's egg and to kill + by its eye — used as a term of reproach for a woman + COCK-BRAINED, giddy, wild + COCKER, pamper + COCKSCOMB, fool's cap + COCKSTONE, stone said to be found in a cock's gizzard, and to possess + particular virtues + CODLING, softening by boiling + COFFIN, raised crust of a pie + COG, cheat, wheedle + COIL, turmoil, confusion, ado + COKELY, master of a puppet-show (Whalley) + COKES, fool, gull + COLD-CONCEITED, having cold opinion of, coldly affected towards + COLE-HARBOUR, a retreat for people of all sorts + COLLECTION, composure; deduction + COLLOP, small slice, piece of flesh + COLLY, blacken + COLOUR, pretext + COLOURS, "fear no —," no enemy (quibble) + COLSTAFF, cowlstaff, pole for carrying a cowl=tub + COME ABOUT, charge, turn round + COMFORTABLE BREAD, spiced gingerbread + COMING, forward, ready to respond, complaisant + COMMENT, commentary; "sometime it is taken for a lie or fayned tale" + (Bullokar, 1616) + + COMMODITY, "current for —," allusion to practice of money-lenders, who + forced the borrower to take part of the loan in the shape of worthless + goods on which the latter had to make money if he could + COMMUNICATE, share + COMPASS, "in —," within the range, sphere + COMPLEMENT, completion, completement; anything required for the perfecting + or carrying out of a person or affair; accomplishment + COMPLEXION, natural disposition, constitution + COMPLIMENT, See Complement + COMPLIMENTARIES, masters of accomplishments + COMPOSITION, constitution; agreement, contract + COMPOSURE, composition + COMPTER, COUNTER, debtors' prison + CONCEALMENT, a certain amount of church property had been retained at the + dissolution of the monasteries; Elizabeth sent commissioners to search it + out, and the courtiers begged for it + CONCEIT, idea, fancy, witty invention, conception, opinion + CONCEIT, apprehend + CONCEITED, fancifully, ingeniously devised or conceived; possessed of + intelligence, witty, ingenious (hence well conceited, etc.); disposed to + joke; of opinion, possessed of an idea + CONCEIVE, understand + CONCENT, harmony, agreement + CONCLUDE, infer, prove + CONCOCT, assimilate, digest + CONDEN'T, probably conducted + CONDUCT, escort, conductor + CONEY-CATCH, cheat + CONFECT, sweetmeat + CONFER, compare + CONGIES, bows + CONNIVE, give a look, wink, of secret intelligence + CONSORT, company, concert + CONSTANCY, fidelity, ardour, persistence + CONSTANT, confirmed, persistent, faithful + CONSTANTLY, firmly, persistently + CONTEND, strive + CONTINENT, holding together + CONTROL (the point), bear or beat down + CONVENT, assembly, meeting + CONVERT, turn (oneself) + CONVEY, transmit from one to another + CONVINCE, evince, prove; overcome, overpower; convict + COP, head, top; tuft on head of birds; "a cop" may have reference to one or + other meaning; Gifford and others interpret as "conical, terminating in a + point" + COPE-MAN, chapman + COPESMATE, companion + CORV (Lat. Copia), abundance, copiousness + CORN ("powder - "), grain + COROLLARY, finishing part or touch + CORSIVE, corrosive + CORTINE, curtain, (arch.) wall between two towers, etc. + CORYAT, famous for his travels, published as 'Coryat's Crudities' + COSSET, pet lamb, pet + COSTARD, head + COSTARD-MONGER, apple-seller, coster-monger + COSTS, ribs + COTE, hut + COTHURNAL, from "cothurnus," a particular boot worn by actors in Greek tragedy + COTQUEAN, hussy + COUNSEL, secret + COUNTENANCE, means necessary for support; credit, standing + COUNTER. See Compter + COUNTER, pieces of metal or ivory for calculating at play + COUNTER, "hunt —," follow scent in reverse direction + COUNTERFEIT, false coin + COUNTERPANE, one part or counterpart of a deed or indenture + COUNTERPOINT, opposite, contrary point + COURT-DISH, a kind of drinking-cup (Halliwell); N.E.D. quotes from Bp. + Goodman's 'Court of James I.: "The king...caused his carver to cut him out + a court-dish, that is, something of every dish, which he sent him as part + of his reversion," but this does not sound like short allowance or small + receptacle + COURT-DOR, fool + COURTEAU, curtal, small horse with docked tail + COURTSHIP, courtliness + COVETISE, avarice + COWSHARD, cow dung + COXCOMB, fool's cap, fool + COY, shrink; disdain + COYSTREL, low varlet + COZEN, cheat + CRACK, lively young rogue, wag + CRACK, crack up, boast; come to grief + CRAMBE, game of crambo, in which the players find rhymes for a given word + CRANCH, craunch + CRANTON, spider-like; also fairy appellation for a fly (Gifford, who refers + to lines in Drayton's "Nimphidia") + CRIMP, game at cards + CRINCLE, draw back, turn aside + CRISPED, with curled or waved hair + CROP, gather, reap + CROPSHIRE, a kind of herring. (See N.E.D.) + CROSS, any piece of money, many coins being stamped with a cross + CROSS AND FILE, heads and tails + CROSSLET, crucible + CROWD, fiddle + CRUDITIES, undigested matter + CRUMP, curl up + CRUSADO, Portuguese gold coin, marked with a cross + CRY ("he that cried Italian):, "speak in a musical cadence," intone, or + declaim(?); cry up + CUCKING-STOOL, used for the ducking of scolds, etc. + CUCURBITE, a gourd-shaped vessel used for distillation + CUERPO, "in —," in undress + CULLICE, broth + CULLION, base fellow, coward + CULLISEN, badge worn on their arm by servants + CULVERIN, kind of cannon + CUNNING, skill + CUNNING, skilful + CUNNING-MAN, fortune-teller + CURE, care for + CURIOUS(LY), scrupulous, particular; elaborate, elegant(ly), dainty(ly) + (hence "in curious") + CURST, shrewish, mischievous + CURTAL, dog with docked tail, of inferior sort + CUSTARD, "quaking —," " — politic," reference to a large custard which + formed part of a city feast and afforded huge entertainment, for the fool + jumped into it, and other like tricks were played. (See "All's Well, etc." + ii. 5, 40) + CUTWORK, embroidery, open-work + CYPRES (CYPRUS) (quibble), cypress (or cyprus) being a transparent + material, and when black used for mourning + + DAGGER (" — frumety"), name of tavern + DARGISON, apparently some person known in ballad or tale + DAUPHIN MY BOY, refrain of old comic song + DAW, daunt + DEAD LIFT, desperate emergency + DEAR, applied to that which in any way touches us nearly + DECLINE, turn off from; turn away, aside + DEFALK, deduct, abate + DEFEND, forbid + DEGENEROUS, degenerate + DEGREES, steps + DELATE, accuse + DEMI-CULVERIN, cannon carrying a ball of about ten pounds + DENIER, the smallest possible coin, being the twelfth part of a sou + DEPART, part with + DEPENDANCE, ground of quarrel in duello language + DESERT, reward + DESIGNMENT, design + DESPERATE, rash, reckless + DETECT, allow to be detected, betray, inform against + DETERMINE, terminate + DETRACT, draw back, refuse + DEVICE, masque, show; a thing moved by wires, etc., puppet + DEVISE, exact in every particular + DEVISED, invented + DIAPASM, powdered aromatic herbs, made into balls of perfumed paste. (See + Pomander) + DIBBLE, (?) moustache (N.E.D.); (?) dagger (Cunningham) + DIFFUSED, disordered, scattered, irregular + DIGHT, dressed + DILDO, refrain of popular songs; vague term of low meaning + DIMBLE, dingle, ravine + DIMENSUM, stated allowance + DISBASE, debase + DISCERN, distinguish, show a difference between + DISCHARGE, settle for + DISCIPLINE, reformation; ecclesiastical system + DISCLAIM, renounce all part in + DISCOURSE, process of reasoning, reasoning faculty + DISCOURTSHIP, discourtesy + DISCOVER, betray, reveal; display + DISFAVOUR, disfigure + DISPARGEMENT, legal term supplied to the unfitness in any way of a marriage + arranged for in the case of wards + DISPENSE WITH, grant dispensation for + DISPLAY, extend + DIS'PLE, discipline, teach by the whip + DISPOSED, inclined to merriment + DISPOSURE, disposal + DISPRISE, depreciate + DISPUNCT, not punctilious + DISQUISITION, search + DISSOLVED, enervated by grief + DISTANCE, (?) proper measure + DISTASTE, offence, cause of offence + DISTASTE, render distasteful + DISTEMPERED, upset, out of humour + DIVISION (mus.), variation, modulation + DOG-BOLT, term of contempt + DOLE, given in dole, charity + DOLE OF FACES, distribution of grimaces + DOOM, verdict, sentence + DOP, dip, low bow + DOR, beetle, buzzing insect, drone, idler + DOR, (?) buzz; "give the —," make a fool of + DOSSER, pannier, basket + DOTES, endowments, qualities + DOTTEREL, plover; gull, fool + DOUBLE, behave deceitfully + DOXY, wench, mistress + DRACHM, Greek silver coin + DRESS, groom, curry + DRESSING, coiffure + DRIFT, intention + DRYFOOT, track by mere scent of foot + DUCKING, punishment for minor offences + DUILL, grieve + DUMPS, melancholy, originally a mournful melody + DURINDANA, Orlando's sword + DWINDLE, shrink away, be overawed + + EAN, yean, bring forth young + EASINESS, readiness + EBOLITION, ebullition + EDGE, sword + EECH, eke + EGREGIOUS, eminently excellent + EKE, also, moreover + E-LA, highest note in the scale + EGGS ON THE SPIT, important business on hand + ELF-LOCK, tangled hair, supposed to be the work of elves + EMMET, ant + ENGAGE, involve + ENGHLE. See Ingle + ENGHLE, cajole; fondle + ENGIN(E), device, contrivance; agent; ingenuity, wit + ENGINER, engineer, deviser, plotter + ENGINOUS, crafty, full of devices; witty, ingenious + ENGROSS, monopolise + ENS, an existing thing, a substance + ENSIGNS, tokens, wounds + ENSURE, assure + ENTERTAIN, take into service + ENTREAT, plead + ENTREATY, entertainment + ENTRY, place where a deer has lately passed + ENVOY, denouement, conclusion + ENVY, spite, calumny, dislike, odium + EPHEMERIDES, calendars + EQUAL, just, impartial + ERECTION, elevation in esteem + ERINGO, candied root of the sea-holly, formerly used as a sweetmeat and + aphrodisiac + ERRANT, arrant + ESSENTIATE, become assimilated + ESTIMATION, esteem + ESTRICH, ostrich + ETHNIC, heathen + EURIPUS, flux and reflux + EVEN, just equable + EVENT, fate, issue + EVENT(ED), issue(d) + EVERT, overturn + EXACUATE, sharpen + EXAMPLESS, without example or parallel + EXCALIBUR, King Arthur's sword + EXEMPLIFY, make an example of + EXEMPT, separate, exclude + EXEQUIES, obsequies + EXHALE, drag out + EXHIBITION, allowance for keep, pocket-money + EXORBITANT, exceeding limits of propriety or law, inordinate + EXORNATION, ornament + EXPECT, wait + EXPLATE, terminate + EXPLICATE, explain, unfold + EXTEMPORAL, extempore, unpremediated + EXTRACTION, essence + EXTRAORDINARY, employed for a special or temporary purpose + EXTRUDE, expel + EYE, "in —," in view + EYEBRIGHT, (?) a malt liquor in which the herb of this name was infused, or + a person who sold the same (Gifford) + EYE-TINGE, least shade or gleam + + FACE, appearance + FACES ABOUT, military word of command + FACINOROUS, extremely wicked + FACKINGS, faith + FACT, deed, act, crime + FACTIOUS, seditious, belonging to a party, given to party feeling + FAECES, dregs + FAGIOLI, French beans + FAIN, forced, necessitated + FAITHFUL, believing + FALL, ruff or band turned back on the shoulders; or, veil + FALSIFY, feign (fencing term) + FAME, report + FAMILIAR, attendant spirit + FANTASTICAL, capricious, whimsical + FARCE, stuff + FAR-FET. See Fet + FARTHINGAL, hooped petticoat + FAUCET, tapster + FAULT, lack; loss, break in line of scent; "for —," in default of + FAUTOR, partisan + FAYLES, old table game similar to backgammon + FEAR(ED), affright(ed) + FEAT, activity, operation; deed, action + FEAT, elegant, trim + FEE, "in —" by feudal obligation + FEIZE, beat, belabour + FELLOW, term of contempt + FENNEL, emblem of flattery + FERE, companion, fellow + FERN-SEED, supposed to have power of rendering invisible + FET, fetched + FETCH, trick + FEUTERER (Fr. vautrier), dog-keeper + FEWMETS, dung + FICO, fig + FIGGUM, (?) jugglery + FIGMENT, fiction, invention + FIRK, frisk, move suddenly, or in jerks; "— up," stir up, rouse; "firks + mad," suddenly behaves like a madman + FIT, pay one out, punish + FITNESS, readiness + FITTON (FITTEN), lie, invention + FIVE-AND-FIFTY, "highest number to stand on at primero" (Gifford) + FLAG, to fly low and waveringly + FLAGON CHAIN, for hanging a smelling-bottle (Fr. flacon) round the neck + (?). (See N.E.D.) + FLAP-DRAGON, game similar to snap-dragon + FLASKET, some kind of basket + FLAW, sudden gust or squall of wind + FLAWN, custard + FLEA, catch fleas + FLEER, sneer, laugh derisively + FLESH, feed a hawk or dog with flesh to incite it to the chase; initiate in + blood-shed; satiate + FLICKER-MOUSE, bat + FLIGHT, light arrow + FLITTER-MOUSE, bat + FLOUT, mock, speak and act contemptuously + FLOWERS, pulverised substance + FLY, familiar spirit + FOIL, weapon used in fencing; that which sets anything off to advantage + FOIST, cut-purse, sharper + FOND(LY), foolish(ly) + FOOT-CLOTH, housings of ornamental cloth which hung down on either side a + horse to the ground + FOOTING, foothold; footstep; dancing + FOPPERY, foolery + FOR, "— failing," for fear of failing + FORBEAR, bear with; abstain from + FORCE, "hunt at —," run the game down with dogs + FOREHEAD, modesty; face, assurance, effrontery + FORESLOW, delay + FORESPEAK, bewitch; foretell + FORETOP, front lock of hair which fashion required to be worn upright + FORGED, fabricated + FORM, state formally + FORMAL, shapely; normal; conventional + FORTHCOMING, produced when required + FOUNDER, disable with over-riding + FOURM, form, lair + FOX, sword + FRAIL, rush basket in which figs or raisins were packed + FRAMFULL, peevish, sour-tempered + FRAPLER, blusterer, wrangler + FRAYING, "a stag is said to fray his head when he rubs it against a tree + to...cause the outward coat of the new horns to fall off" (Gifford) + FREIGHT (of the gazetti), burden (of the newspapers) + FREQUENT, full + FRICACE, rubbing + FRICATRICE, woman of low character + FRIPPERY, old clothes shop + FROCK, smock-frock + FROLICS, (?) humorous verses circulated at least (N.E.D.); couplets wrapped + round sweetmeats (Cunningham) + FRONTLESS, shameless + FROTED, rubbed + FRUMETY, hulled wheat boiled in milk and spiced + FRUMP, flout, sneer + FUCUS, dye + FUGEAND, (?) figment: flighty, restless (N.E.D.) + FULLAM, false dice + FULMART, polecat + FULSOME, foul, offensive + FURIBUND, raging, furious + + GALLEY-FOIST, city-barge, used on Lord Mayor's Day, when he was sworn into + his office at Westminster (Whalley) + GALLIARD, lively dance in triple time + GAPE, be eager after + GARAGANTUA, Rabelais' giant + GARB, sheaf (Fr. Gerbe); manner, fashion, behaviour + BARD, guard, trimming, gold or silver lace, or other ornament + GARDED, faced or trimmed + GARNISH, fee + GAVEL-KIND, name of a land-tenure existing chiefly in Kent; from 16th + century often used to denote custom of dividing a deceased man's property + equally among his sons (N.E.D.) + GAZETTE, small Venetian coin worth about three-farthings + GEANCE, jaunt, errand + GEAR (GEER), stuff, matter, affair + GELID, frozen + GEMONIES, steps from which the bodies of criminals were thrown into the river + GENERAL, free, affable + GENIUS, attendant spirit + GENTRY, gentlemen; manners characteristic of gentry, good breeding + GIB-CAT, tom-cat + GIGANTOMACHIZE, start a giants' war + GIGLOT, wanton + GIMBLET, gimlet + GING, gang + GLASS ("taking in of shadows, etc."), crystal or beryl + GLEEK, card game played by three; party of three, trio; side glance + GLICK (GLEEK), jest, gibe + GLIDDER, glaze + GLORIOUSLY, of vain glory + GODWIT, bird of the snipe family + GOLD-END-MAN, a buyer of broken gold and silver + GOLL, hand + GONFALIONIER, standard-bearer, chief magistrate, etc. + GOOD, sound in credit + GOOD-Year, good luck + GOOSE-TURD, colour of. (See Turd) + GORCROW, carrion crow + GORGET, neck armour + GOSSIP, godfather + GOWKED, from "gowk," to stand staring and gaping like a fool + GRANNAM, grandam + GRASS, (?) grease, fat + GRATEFUL, agreeable, welcome + GRATIFY, give thanks to + GRATITUDE, gratuity + GRATULATE, welcome, congratulate + GRAVITY, dignity + GRAY, badger + GRICE, cub + GRIEF, grievance + GRIPE, vulture, griffin + GRIPE'S EGG, vessel in shape of + GROAT, fourpence + GROGRAN, coarse stuff made of silk and mohair, or of coarse silk + GROOM-PORTER, officer in the royal household + GROPE, handle, probe + GROUND, pit (hence "grounded judgments") + GUARD, caution, heed + GUARDANT, heraldic term: turning the head only + GUILDER, Dutch coin worth about 4d. + GULES, gullet, throat; heraldic term for red + GULL, simpleton, dupe + GUST, taste + + HAB NAB, by, on, chance + HABERGEON, coat of mail + HAGGARD, wild female hawk; hence coy, wild + HALBERD, combination of lance and battle-axe + HALL, "a —!" a cry to clear the room for the dancers + HANDSEL, first money taken + HANGER, loop or strap on a sword-belt from which the sword was suspended + HAP, fortune, luck + HAPPILY, haply + HAPPINESS, appropriateness, fitness + HAPPY, rich + HARBOUR, track, trace (an animal) to its shelter + HARD-FAVOURED, harsh-featured + HARPOCRATES, Horus the child, son of Osiris, figured with a finger pointing + to his mouth, indicative of silence + HARRINGTON, a patent was granted to Lord H. for the coinage of tokens (q.v.) + HARROT, herald + HARRY NICHOLAS, founder of a community called the "Family of Love" + HAY, net for catching rabbits, etc. + HAY! (Ital. hai!), you have it (a fencing term) + HAY IN HIS HORN, ill-tempered person + HAZARD, game at dice; that which is staked + HEAD, "first —," young deer with antlers first sprouting; fig. a + newly-ennobled man + HEADBOROUGH, constable + HEARKEN AFTER, inquire; "hearken out," find, search out + HEARTEN, encourage + HEAVEN AND HELL ("Alchemist"), names of taverns + HECTIC, fever + HEDGE IN, include + HELM, upper part of a retort + HER'NSEW, hernshaw, heron + HIERONIMO (JERONIMO), hero of Kyd's "Spanish Tragedy" + HOBBY, nag + HOBBY-HORSE, imitation horse of some light material, fastened round the + waist of the morrice-dancer, who imitated the movements of a skittish horse + HODDY-DODDY, fool + HOIDEN, hoyden, formerly applied to both sexes (ancient term for leveret? + Gifford) + HOLLAND, name of two famous chemists + HONE AND HONERO, wailing expressions of lament or discontent + HOOD-WIND'D, blindfolded + HORARY, hourly + HORN-MAD, stark mad (quibble) + HORN-THUMB, cut-purses were in the habit of wearing a horn shield on the thumb + HORSE-BREAD-EATING, horses were often fed on coarse bread + HORSE-COURSES, horse-dealer + HOSPITAL, Christ's Hospital + HOWLEGLAS, Eulenspiegel, the hero of a popular German tale which related + his buffooneries and knavish tricks + HUFF, hectoring, arrogance + HUFF IT, swagger + HUISHER (Fr. huissier), usher + HUM, beer and spirits mixed together + HUMANITIAN, humanist, scholar + HUMOROUS, capricious, moody, out of humour; moist + HUMOUR, a word used in and out of season in the time of Shakespeare and Ben + Jonson, and ridiculed by both + HUMOURS, manners + HUMPHREY, DUKE, those who were dinnerless spent the dinner-hour in a part + of St. Paul's where stood a monument said to be that of the duke's; hence + "dine with Duke Humphrey," to go hungry + HURTLESS, harmless + + IDLE, useless, unprofitable + ILL-AFFECTED, ill-disposed + ILL-HABITED, unhealthy + ILLUSTRATE, illuminate + IMBIBITION, saturation, steeping + IMBROCATA, fencing term: a thrust in tierce + IMPAIR, impairment + IMPART, give money + IMPARTER, any one ready to be cheated and to part with his money + IMPEACH, damage + IMPERTINENCIES, irrelevancies + IMPERTINENT(LY), irrelevant(ly), without reason or purpose + IMPOSITION, duty imposed by + IMPOTENTLY, beyond power of control + IMPRESS, money in advance + IMPULSION, incitement + IN AND IN, a game played by two or three persons with four dice + INCENSE, incite, stir up + INCERATION, act of covering with wax; or reducing a substance to softness + of wax + INCH, "to their —es," according to their stature, capabilities + INCH-PIN, sweet-bread + INCONVENIENCE, inconsistency, absurdity + INCONY, delicate, rare (used as a term of affection) + INCUBEE, incubus + INCUBUS, evil spirit that oppresses us in sleep, nightmare + INCURIOUS, unfastidious, uncritical + INDENT, enter into engagement + INDIFFERENT, tolerable, passable + INDIGESTED, shapeless, chaotic + INDUCE, introduce + INDUE, supply + INEXORABLE, relentless + INFANTED, born, produced + INFLAME, augment charge + INGENIOUS, used indiscriminantly for ingenuous; intelligent, talented + INGENUITY, ingenuousness + INGENUOUS, generous + INGINE. See Engin + INGINER, engineer. (See Enginer) + INGLE, OR ENGHLE, bosom friend, intimate, minion + INHABITABLE, uninhabitable + INJURY, insult, affront + IN-MATE, resident, indwelling + INNATE, natural + INNOCENT, simpleton + INQUEST, jury, or other official body of inquiry + INQUISITION, inquiry + INSTANT, immediate + INSTRUMENT, legal document + INSURE, assure + INTEGRATE, complete, perfect + INTELLIGENCE, secret information, news + INTEND, note carefully, attend, give ear to, be occupied with + INTENDMENT, intention + INTENT, intention, wish + INTENTION, concentration of attention or gaze + INTENTIVE, attentive + INTERESSED, implicated + INTRUDE, bring in forcibly or without leave + INVINCIBLY, invisibly + INWARD, intimate + IRPE (uncertain), "a fantastic grimace, or contortion of the body: (Gifford) + + JACE, Jack o' the clock, automaton figure that strikes the hour; + Jack-a-lent, puppet thrown at in Lent + JACK, key of a virginal + JACOB'S STAFF, an instrument for taking altitudes and distances + JADE, befool + JEALOUSY, JEALOUS, suspicion, suspicious + JERKING, lashing + JEW'S TRUMP, Jew's harp + JIG, merry ballad or tune; a fanciful dialogue or light comic act + introduced at the end or during an interlude of a play + JOINED (JOINT)-STOOL, folding stool + JOLL, jowl + JOLTHEAD, blockhead + JUMP, agree, tally + JUST YEAR, no one was capable of the consulship until he was forty-three + + KELL, cocoon + KELLY, an alchemist + KEMB, comb + KEMIA, vessel for distillation + KIBE, chap, sore + KILDERKIN, small barrel + KILL, kiln + KIND, nature; species; "do one's —," act according to one's nature + KIRTLE, woman's gown of jacket and petticoat + KISS OR DRINK AFORE ME, "this is a familiar expression, employed when what + the speaker is just about to say is anticipated by another" (Gifford) + KIT, fiddle + KNACK, snap, click + KNIPPER-DOLING, a well-known Anabaptist + KNITTING CUP, marriage cup + KNOCKING, striking, weighty + KNOT, company, band; a sandpiper or robin snipe (Tringa canulus); + flower-bed laid out in fanciful design + KURSINED, KYRSIN, christened + + LABOURED, wrought with labour and care + LADE, load(ed) + LADING, load + LAID, plotted + LANCE-KNIGHT (Lanzknecht), a German mercenary foot-soldier + LAP, fold + LAR, household god + LARD, garnish + LARGE, abundant + LARUM, alarum, call to arms + LATTICE, tavern windows were furnished with lattices of various colours + LAUNDER, to wash gold in aqua regia, so as imperceptibly to extract some of it. + LAVE, ladle, bale + LAW, "give —," give a start (term of chase) + LAXATIVE, loose + LAY ABOARD, run alongside generally with intent to board + LEAGUER, siege, or camp of besieging army + LEASING, lying + LEAVE, leave off, desist + LEER, leering or "empty, hence, perhaps leer horse without a rider; leer is + an adjective meaning uncontrolled, hence 'leer drunkards'" (Halliwell); + according to Nares, a leer (empty) horse meant also a led horse; leeward, + left + + LEESE, lose + LEGS, "make —," do obeisance + LEIGEP, resident representative + LEIGERITY, legerdemain + LEMMA, subject proposed, or title of the epigram + LENTER, slower + LET, hinder + LET, hindrance + LEVEL COIL, a rough game...in which one hunted another from his seat. + Hence used for any noisy riot (Halliwell) + LEWD, ignorant + LEYSTALLS, receptacles of filth + LIBERAL, ample + LIEGER, ledger, register + LIFT(ING), steal(ing) + LIGHT, alight + LIGHTLY, commonly, usually, often + LIKE, please + LIKELY, agreeable, pleasing + LIME-HOUND, leash-, blood-hound + LIMMER, vile, worthless + LIN, leave off + Line, "by —," by rule + LINSTOCK, staff to stick in the ground, with forked head to hold a lighted + match for firing cannon + LIQUID, clear + LIST, listen, hard; like, please + LIVERY, legal term, delivery of the possession, etc. + LOGGET, small log, stick + LOOSE, solution; upshot, issue; release of an arrow + LOSE, give over, desist from; waste + LOUTING, bowing, cringing + LUCULENT, bright of beauty + LUDGATHIANS, dealers on Ludgate Hill + LURCH, rob, cheat + LUTE, to close a vessel with some kind of cement + + MACK, unmeaning expletive + MADGE HOWLET or own, barn-owl + MAIM, hurt, injury + MAIN, chief concern (used as a quibble on heraldic term for "hand") + MAINPRISE, becoming surety for a prisoner so as to procure his release + MAINTENANCE, giving aid, or abetting + MAKE, mate + MAKE, MADE, acquaint with business, prepare(d), instruct(ed) + MALLANDERS, disease of horses + MALT HORSE, dray horse + MAMMET, puppet + MAMMOTHREPT, spoiled child + MANAGE, control (term used for breaking-in horses); handling, administration + MANGO, slave-dealer + MANGONISE, polish up for sale + MANIPLES, bundles, handfuls + MANKIND, masculine, like a virago + MANEIND, humanity + MAPLE FACE, spotted face (N.E.D.) + MARCH PANE, a confection of almonds, sugar, etc. + MARK, "fly to the —," "generally said of a goshawk when, having 'put in' a + covey of partridges, she takes stand, making the spot where they + disappeared from view until the falconer arrives to put them out to her" + (Harting, Bibl. Accip. Gloss. 226) + MARLE, marvel + MARROW-BONE MAN, one often on his knees for prayer + MARRY! exclamation derived from the Virgin's name + MARRY GIP, "probably originated from By Mary Gipcy = St. Mary of Egypt, + (N.E.D.) + MARTAGAN, Turk's cap lily + MARYHINCHCO, stringhalt + MASORETH, Masora, correct form of the scriptural text according to Hebrew + tradition + Mass, abb. for master + MAUND, beg + MAUTHER, girl, maid + MEAN, moderation + MEASURE, dance, more especially a stately one + MEAT, "carry — in one's mouth," be a source of money or entertainment + MEATH, metheglin + MECHANICAL, belonging to mechanics, mean, vulgar + MEDITERRANEO, middle aisle of St. Paul's, a general resort for business and + amusement + MEET WITH, even with + MELICOTTON, a late kind of peach + MENSTRUE, solvent + MERCAT, market + MERD, excrement + MERE, undiluted; absolute, unmitigated + MESS, party of four + METHEGLIN, fermented liquor, of which one ingredient was honey + METOPOSCOPY, study of physiognomy + MIDDLING GOSSIP, go-between + MIGNIARD, dainty, delicate + MILE-END, training-ground of the city + MINE-MEN, sappers + MINION, form of cannon + MINSITIVE, (?) mincing, affected (N.E.D.) + MISCELLANY MADAM, "a female trader in miscellaneous articles; a dealer in + trinkets or ornaments of various kinds, such as kept shops in the New + Exchange" (Nares) + MISCELLINE, mixed grain; medley + MISCONCEIT, misconception + MISPRISE, MISPRISION, mistake, misunderstanding + MISTAKE AWAY, carry away as if by mistake + MITHRIDATE, an antidote against poison + MOCCINIGO, small Venetian coin, worth about ninepence + MODERN, in the mode; ordinary, common-place + MOMENT, force or influence of value + MONTANTO, upward stroke + MONTH'S MIND, violent desire + MOORISH, like a moor or waste + MORGLAY, sword of Bevis of Southampton + MORRICe-DANCE, dance on May Day, etc., in which certain personages were + represented + MORTALITY, death + MORT-MAL, old score, gangrene + MOSCADINO, confection flavoured with musk + MOTHER, Hysterica passio + MOTION, proposal, request; puppet, puppet-show; "one of the small figures + on the face of a large clock which was moved by the vibration of the + pendulum" (Whalley) + MOTION, suggest, propose + MOTLEY, parti-coloured dress of a fool; hence used to signify pertaining + to, or like, a fool + MOTTE, motto + MOURNIVAL, set of four aces or court cards in a hand; a quartette + MOW, setord hay or sheaves of grain + MUCH! expressive of irony and incredulity + MUCKINDER, handkerchief + MULE, "born to ride on —," judges or serjeants-at-law formerly rode on + mules when going in state to Westminster (Whally) + MULLETS, small pincers + MUM-CHANCE, game of chance, played in silence + MUN, must + MUREY, dark crimson red + MUSCOVY-GLASS, mica + MUSE, wonder + MUSICAL, in harmony + MUSS, mouse; scramble + MYROBOLANE, foreign conserve, "a dried plum, brought from the Indies" + MYSTERY, art, trade, profession. + + NAIL, "to the —" (ad unguem), to perfection, to the very utmost + NATIVE, natural + NEAT, cattle + NEAT, smartly apparelled; unmixed; dainty + NEATLY, neatly finished + NEATNESS, elegance + NEIS, nose, scent + NEUF (NEAF, NEIF), fist + NEUFT, newt + NIAISE, foolish, inexperienced person + NICE, fastidious, trivial, finical, scrupulous + NICENESS, fastidiousness + NICK, exact amount; right moment; "set in the —" meaning uncertain + NICE, suit, fit' hit, seize the right moment, etc., exactly hit on, hit off + NOBLE, gold coin worth 6s.8d. + NOCENT, harmful + NIL, not will + NOISE, company of musicians + NOMENTACK, an Indian chief from Virginia + NONES, nonce + NOTABLE, egregious + NOTE, sign, token + NOUGHT, "be —," go to the devil, be hanged, etc. + NOWT-HEAD, blockhead + NUMBER, rhythm + NUPSON, oaf, simpleton + + OADE, wood + OBARNI, preparation of mead + OBJECT, oppose; expose; interpose + OBLATRANT, barking, railing + OBNOXIOUS, liable, exposed; offensive + OBSERVANCE, homage, devoted service + OBSERVANT, attentive, obsequious + OBSERVE, show deference, respect + OBSERVER, one who shows deference, or waits upon another + OBSTANCY, legal phrase, "juridical opposition" + OBSTREPEROUS, clamorous, vociferous + OBSTUPEFACT, stupefied + ODLING, (?) "must have some relation to tricking and cheating" (Nares) + OMINOUS, deadly, fatal + ONCE, at once; for good and all; used also for additional emphasis + ONLY, pre-eminent, special + OPEN, make public; expound + OPPILATION, obstruction + OPPONE, oppose + OPPOSITE, antagonist + OFFPRESS, suppress + ORIGINOUS, native + ORT, remnant, scrap + OUT, "to be —." to have forgotten one's part; not at one with each other + OUTCRY, sale by auction + OUTREGUIDANCE, arrogance, presumption + OUTSPEAK, speak more than + OVERPARTED, given too difficult a part to play + OWLSPIEGEL. See Howleglass + OYEZ! (O YES!), hear ye! call of the public crier when about to make a + proclamation + + PACKING PENNY, "give a —," dismiss, send packing + PAD, highway + PAD-HORSE, road-horse + PAINED (PANED) SLOPS, full breeches made of strips of different colour and + material + PAINFUL, diligent, painstaking + PAINT, blush + PALINODE, ode of recantation + PALL, weaken, dim, make stale + PALM, triumph + PAN, skirt of dress or coat + PANNEL, pad, or rough kind of saddle + PANNIER-ALLY, inhabited by tripe-sellers + PANNIER-MAN, hawker; a man employed about the inns of court to bring in + provisions, set the table, etc. + PANTOFLE, indoor shoe, slipper + PARAMENTOS, fine trappings + PARANOMASIE, a play upon words + PARANTORY, (?) peremptory + PARCEL, particle, fragment (used contemptuously); article + PARCEL, part, partly + PARCEL-POET, poetaster + PARERGA, subordinate matters + PARGET, to paint or plaster the face + PARLE, parley + PARLOUS, clever, shrewd + PART, apportion + PARTAKE, participate in + PARTED, endowed, talented + PARTICULAR, individual person + PARTIZAN, kind of halberd + PARTRICH, partridge + PARTS, qualities endowments + PASH, dash, smash + PASS, care, trouble oneself + PASSADO, fending term: a thrust + PASSAGE, game at dice + PASSINGLY, exceedingly + PASSION, effect caused by external agency + PASSION, "in —," in so melancholy a tone, so pathetically + PATOUN, (?) Fr. Paton, pellet of dough; perhaps the "moulding of the + tobacco...for the pipe" (Gifford); (?) variant of Petun, South American + name of tobacco + PATRICO, the recorder, priest, orator of strolling beggars or gipsies + PATTEN, shoe with wooden sole; "go —," keep step with, accompany + PAUCA VERBA, few words + PAVIN, a stately dance + PEACE, "with my master's —," by leave, favour + PECULIAR, individual, single + PEDANT, teacher of the languages + PEEL, baker's shovel + PEEP, speak in a small or shrill voice + PEEVISH(LY), foolish(ly), capricious(ly); childish(ly) + PELICAN, a retort fitted with tube or tubes, for continuous distillation + PENCIL, small tuft of hair + PERDUE, soldier accustomed to hazardous service + PEREMPTORY, resolute, bold; imperious; thorough, utter, absolute(ly) + PERIMETER, circumference of a figure + PERIOD, limit, end + PERK, perk up + PERPETUANA, "this seems to be that glossy kind of stuff now called + everlasting, and anciently worn by serjeants and other city officers" + (Gifford) + PERSPICIL, optic glass + PERSTRINGE, criticise, censure + PERSUADE, inculcate, commend + PERSWAY, mitigate + PERTINACY, pertinacity + PESTLING, pounding, pulverising, like a pestle + PETASUS, broad-brimmed hat or winged cap worn by Mercury + PETITIONARY, supplicatory + PETRONEL, a kind of carbine or light gas carried by horsemen + PETULANT, pert, insolent + PHERE. See Fere + PHLEGMA, watery distilled liquor (old chem. "water") + PHRENETIC, madman + PICARDIL, still upright collar fastened on to the coat (Whalley) + PICT-HATCH, disreputable quarter of London + PIECE, person, used for woman or girl; a gold coin worth in Jonson's time + 20s. or 22s. + PIECES OF EIGHT, Spanish coin: piastre equal to eight reals + PIED, variegated + PIE-POUDRES (Fr. pied-poudreux, dusty-foot), court held at fairs to + administer justice to itinerant vendors and buyers + PILCHER, term of contempt; one who wore a buff or leather jerkin, as did + the serjeants of the counter; a pilferer + PILED, pilled, peeled, bald + PILL'D, polled, fleeced + PIMLICO, "sometimes spoken of as a person — perhaps master of a house + famous for a particular ale" (Gifford) + PINE, afflict, distress + PINK, stab with a weapon; pierce or cut in scallops for ornament + PINNACE, a go-between in infamous sense + PISMIRE, ant + PISTOLET, gold coin, worth about 6s. + PITCH, height of a bird of prey's flight + PLAGUE, punishment, torment + PLAIN, lament + PLAIN SONG, simple melody + PLAISE, plaice + PLANET, "struck with a —," planets were supposed to have powers of + blasting or exercising secret influences + PLAUSIBLE, pleasing + PLAUSIBLY, approvingly + PLOT, plan + PLY, apply oneself to + POESIE, posy, motto inside a ring + POINT IN HIS DEVICE, exact in every particular + POINTE, tabbed laces or cords for fastening the breeches to the doublet + POINT-TRUSSER, one who trussed (tied) his master's points (q.v.) + POISE, weigh, balance + POKING-STICK, stick used for setting the plaits of ruffs + POLITIC, politician + POLITIC, judicious, prudent, political + POLITICIAN, plotter, intriguer + POLL, strip, plunder, gain by extortion + POMMANDER, ball of perfume, worn or hung about the person to prevent + infection, or for foppery + POMMADO, vaulting on a horse without the aid of stirrups + PONTIC, sour + POPULAR, vulgar, of the populace + POPULOUS, numerous + PORT, gate; print of a deer's foot + PORT, transport + PORTAGUE, Portuguese gold coin, worth over £3 or f4 + PORTCULLIS, "— of coin," some old coins have a portcullis stamped on their + reverse (Whalley) + PORTENT, marvel, prodigy; sinister omen + PORTENTOUS, prophesying evil, threatening + PORTER, references appear "to allude to Parsons, the king's porter, who + was... near seven feet high" (Whalley) + POSSESS, inform, acquaint + POST AND PAIR, a game at cards + POSY, motto. (See Poesie) + POTCH, poach + POULT-FOOT, club-foot + POUNCE, claw, talon + PRACTICE, intrigue, concerted plot + PRACTISE, plot, conspire + PRAGMATIC, an expert, agent + PRAGMATIC, officious, conceited, meddling + PRECEDENT, record of proceedings + PRECEPT, warrant, summons + PRECISIAN(ISM), Puritan(ism), preciseness + PREFER, recomment + PRESENCE, presence chamber + PRESENT(LY), immediate(ly), without delay; at the present time; actually + PRESS, force into service + PREST, ready + PRETEND, assert, allege + PREVENT, anticipate + PRICE, worth, excellence + PRICK, point, dot used in the writing of Hebrew and other languages + PRICK, prick out, mark off, select; trace, track; "— away," make off with + speed + PRIMERO, game of cards + PRINCOX, pert boy + PRINT, "in —," to the letter, exactly + PRISTINATE, former + PRIVATE, private interests + PRIVATE, privy, intimate + PROCLIVE, prone to + PRODIGIOUS, monstrous, unnatural + PRODIGY, monster + PRODUCED, prolonged + PROFESS, pretend + PROJECTION, the throwing of the "powder of projection" into the crucible to + turn the melted metal into gold or silver + PROLATE, pronounce drawlingly + PROPER, of good appearance, handsome; own, particular + PROPERTIES, state necessaries + PROPERTY, duty; tool + PRORUMPED, burst out + PROTEST, vow, proclaim (an affected word of that time); formally declare + non-payment, etc., of bill of exchange; fig. failure of personal credit, + etc. + PROVANT, soldier's allowance — hence, of common make + PROVIDE, foresee + PROVIDENCE, foresight, prudence + PUBLICATION, making a thing public of common property (N.E.D.) + PUCKFIST, puff-ball; insipid, insignificant, boasting fellow + PUFF-WING, shoulder puff + PUISNE, judge of inferior rank, a junior + PULCHRITUDE, beauty + PUMP, shoe + PUNGENT, piercing + PUNTO, point, hit + PURCEPT, precept, warrant + PURE, fine, capital, excellent + PURELY, perfectly, utterly + PURL, pleat or fold of a ruff + PURSE-NET, net of which the mouth is drawn together with a string + PURSUIVANT, state messenger who summoned the persecuted seminaries; warrant + officer + PURSY, PURSINESS, shortwinded(ness) + PUT, make a push, exert yourself (N.E.D.) + PUT OFF, excuse, shift + PUT ON, incite, encourage; proceed with, take in hand, try + + QUACKSALVER, quack + QUAINT, elegant, elaborated, ingenious, clever + QUAR, quarry + QUARRIED, seized, or fed upon, as prey + QUEAN, hussy, jade + QUEASY, hazardous, delicate + QUELL, kill, destroy + QUEST, request; inquiry + QUESTION, decision by force of arms + QUESTMAN, one appointed to make official inquiry + QUIB, QUIBLIN, quibble, quip + QUICK, the living + QUIDDIT, quiddity, legal subtlety + QUIRK, clever turn or trick + QUIT, requite, repay; acquit, absolve; rid; forsake, leave + QUITTER-BONE, disease of horses + QUODLING, codling + QUOIT, throw like a quoit, chuck + QUOTE, take note, observe, write down + + RACK, neck of mutton or pork (Halliwell) + RAKE UP, cover over + RAMP, rear, as a lion, etc. + RAPT, carry away + RAPT, enraptured + RASCAL, young or inferior deer + RASH, strike with a glancing oblique blow, as a boar with its tusk + RATSEY, GOMALIEL, a famous highwayman + RAVEN, devour + REACH, understand + REAL, regal + REBATU, ruff, turned-down collar + RECTOR, RECTRESS, director, governor + REDARGUE, confute + REDUCE, bring back + REED, rede, counsel, advice + REEL, run riot + REFEL, refute + REFORMADOES, disgraced or disbanded soldiers + REGIMENT, government + REGRESSION, return + REGULAR ("Tale of a Tub"), regular noun (quibble) (N.E.D.) + RELIGION, "make — of," make a point of, scruple of + RELISH, savour + REMNANT, scrap of quotation + REMORA, species of fish + RENDER, depict, exhibit, show + REPAIR, reinstate + REPETITION, recital, narration + REREMOUSE, bat + RESIANT, resident + RESIDENCE, sediment + RESOLUTION, judgment, decision + RESOLVE, inform; assure; prepare, make up one's mind; dissolve; come to a + decision, be convinced; relax, set at ease + RESPECTIVE, worthy of respect; regardful, discriminative + RESPECTIVELY, with reverence + RESPECTLESS, regardless + RESPIRE, exhale; inhale + RESPONSIBLE, correspondent + REST, musket-rest + REST, "set up one's —," venture one's all, one's last stake (from game of + primero) + REST, arrest + RESTIVE, RESTY, dull, inactive + RETCHLESS(NESS), reckless(ness) + RETIRE, cause to retire + RETRICATO, fencing term + RETRIEVE, rediscovery of game once sprung + RETURNS, ventures sent abroad, for the safe return of which so much money + is received + REVERBERATE, dissolve or blend by reflected heat + REVERSE, REVERSO, back-handed thrust, etc., in fencing + REVISE, reconsider a sentence + RHEUM, spleen, caprice + RIBIBE, abusive term for an old woman + RID, destroy, do away with + RIFLING, raffling, dicing + RING, "cracked within the —," coins so cracked were unfit for currency + RISSE, risen, rose + RIVELLED, wrinkled + ROARER, swaggerer + ROCHET, fish of the gurnet kind + ROCK, distaff + RODOMONTADO, braggadocio + ROGUE, vagrant, vagabond + RONDEL, "a round mark in the score of a public-house" (Nares); roundel + ROOK, sharper; fool, dupe + ROSAKER, similar to ratsbane + ROSA-SOLIS, a spiced spirituous liquor + ROSES, rosettes + ROUND, "gentlemen of the —," officers of inferior rank + ROUND TRUNKS, trunk hose, short loose breeches reaching almost or quite to + the knees + ROUSE, carouse, bumper + ROVER, arrow used for shooting at a random mark at uncertain distance + ROWLY-POWLY, roly-poly + RUDE, RUDENESS, unpolished, rough(ness), coarse(ness) + RUFFLE, flaunt, swagger + RUG, coarse frieze + RUG-GOWNS, gown made of rug + RUSH, reference to rushes with which the floors were then strewn + RUSHER, one who strewed the floor with rushes + RUSSET, homespun cloth of neutral or reddish-brown colour + + SACK, loose, flowing gown + SADLY, seriously, with gravity + SAD(NESS), sober, serious(ness) + SAFFI, bailiffs + ST. THOMAS A WATERINGS, place in Surrey where criminals were executed + SAKER, small piece of ordnance + SALT, leap + SALT, lascivious + SAMPSUCHINE, sweet marjoram + SARABAND, a slow dance + SATURNALS, began December 17 + SAUCINESS, presumption, insolence + SAUCY, bold, impudent, wanton + SAUNA (Lat.), a gesture of contempt + SAVOUR, perceive; gratify, please; to partake of the nature + SAY, sample + SAY, assay, try + SCALD, word of contempt, implying dirt and disease + SCALLION, shalot, small onion + SCANDERBAG, "name which the Turks (in allusion to Alexander the Great) gave + to the brave Castriot, chief of Albania, with whom they had continual wars. + His romantic life had just been translated" (Gifford) + SCAPE, escape + SCARAB, beetle + SCARTOCCIO, fold of paper, cover, cartouch, cartridge + SCONCE, head + SCOPE, aim + SCOT AND LOT, tax, contribution (formerly a parish assessment) + SCOTOMY, dizziness in the head + SCOUR, purge + SCOURSE, deal, swap + SCRATCHES, disease of horses + SCROYLE, mean, rascally fellow + SCRUPLE, doubt + SEAL, put hand to the giving up of property or rights + SEALED, stamped as genuine + SEAM-RENT, ragged + SEAMING LACES, insertion or edging + SEAR UP, close by searing, burning + SEARCED, sifted + SECRETARY, able to keep a secret + SECULAR, worldly, ordinary, commonplace + SECURE, confident + SEELIE, happy, blest + SEISIN, legal term: possession + SELLARY, lewd person + SEMBLABLY, similarly + SEMINARY, a Romish priest educated in a foreign seminary + SENSELESS, insensible, without sense or feeling + SENSIBLY, perceptibly + SENSIVE, sensitive + SENSUAL, pertaining to the physical or material + SERENE, harmful dew of evening + SERICON, red tincture + SERVANT, lover + SERVICES, doughty deeds of arms + SESTERCE, Roman copper coin + SET, stake, wager + SET UP, drill + SETS, deep plaits of the ruff + SEWER, officer who served up the feast, and brought water for the hands of + the guests + SHAPE, a suit by way of disguise + SHIFT, fraud, dodge + SHIFTER, cheat + SHITTLE, shuttle; "shittle-cock," shuttlecock + SHOT, tavern reckoning + SHOT-CLOG, one only tolerated because he paid the shot (reckoning) for the rest + SHOT-FREE, scot-free, not having to pay + SHOVE-GROAT, low kind of gambling amusement, perhaps somewhat of the nature + of pitch and toss + SHOT-SHARKS, drawers + SHREWD, mischievous, malicious, curst + SHREWDLY, keenly, in a high degree + SHRIVE, sheriff; posts were set up before his door for proclamations, or to + indicate his residence + SHROVING, Shrovetide, season of merriment + SIGILLA, seal, mark + SILENCED BRETHERN, MINISTERS, those of the Church or Nonconformists who had + been silenced, deprived, etc. + SILLY, simple, harmless + SIMPLE, silly, witless; plain, true + SIMPLES, herbs + SINGLE, term of chase, signifying when the hunted stag is separated from + the herd, or forced to break covert + SINGLE, weak, silly + SINGLE-MONEY, small change + SINGULAR, unique, supreme + SI-QUIS, bill, advertisement + SKELDRING, getting money under false pretences; swindlilng + SKILL, "it — a not," matters not + SEINK(ER), pour, draw(er), tapster + SKIRT, tail + SLEEK, smooth + SLICE, fire shovel or pan (dial.) + SLICK, sleek, smooth + 'SLID, 'SLIGHT, 'SPRECIOUS, irreverent oaths + SLIGHT, sleight, cunning, cleverness; trick + SLIP, counterfeit coin, bastard + SLIPPERY, polished and shining + SLOPS, large loose breeches + SLOT, print of a stag's foot + SLUR, put a slur on; chear (by sliding a die in some way) + SMELT, gull, simpleton + SNORLE, "perhaps snarl as Puppy is addressed" (Cunningham) + SNOTTERIE, filth + SNUFF, anger, resentment; "take in —," take offence at + SNUFFERS, small open silver dishes for holding snuff, or receptacle for + placing snuffers in (Halliwell) + SOCK, shoe worn by comic actors + SOD, seethe + SOGGY, soaked, sodden + SOIL, "take —," said of a hunted stag when he takes to the water for safety + SOL, sou + SOLDADOES, soldiers + SOLICIT, rouse, excite to action + SOOTH, flattery, cajolery + SOOTHE, flatter, humour + SOPHISTICATE, adulterate + SORT, company, party; rank, degree + SORT, suit, fit; select + SOUSE, ear + SOUSED ("Devil is an Ass"), fol. read "sou't," which Dyce interprets as "a + variety of the spelling of 'shu'd': to shu is to scare a bird away." (See + his Webster, p. 350) + SOWTER, cobbler + SPAGYRICA, chemistry according to the teachings of Paracelsus + SPAR, bar + SPEAK, make known, proclaim + SPECULATION, power of sight + SPED, to have fared well, prospered + SPEECE, species + SPIGHT, anger, rancour + SPINNER, spider + SPINSTRY, lewd person + SPITTLE, hospital, lazar-house + SPLEEN, considered the seat of the emotions + SPLEEN, caprice, humour, mood + SPRUNT, spruce + SPURGE, foam + SPUR-RYAL, gold coin worth 15s. + SQUIRE, square, measure; "by the —," exactly. + STAGGERING, wavering, hesitating + STAIN, disparagement, disgrace + STALE, decoy, or cover, stalking-horse + STALE, make cheap, common + STALE, approach stealthily or under cover + STALL, forestall + STANDARD, suit + STAPLE, market emporium + STARK, downright + STARTING-HOLES, loopholes of escape + STATE, dignity; canopied chair of state; estate + STATUMINATE, support vines by poles or stakes; used by Pliny (Gifford) + STAY, gag + STAY, await; detain + STICKLER, second or umpire + STIGMATISE, mark, brand + STILL, continual(ly), constant(ly) + STINKARD, stinking fellow + STINT, stop + STIPTIC, astringent + STOCCATA, thrust in fencing + STOCK-FISH, salted and dried fish + STOMACH, pride, valour + STOMACH, resent + STOOP, swoop down as a hawk + STOP, fill, stuff + STOPPLE, stopper + STOTE, stoat, weasel + STOUP, stoop, swoop=bow + STRAIGHT, straightway + STRAMAZOUN (Ital. stramazzone), a down blow, as opposed to the thrust + STRANGE, like a stranger, unfamiliar + STRANGENESS, distance of behaviour + STREIGHTS, OR BERMUDAS, labyrinth of alleys and courts in the Strand + STRIGONIUM, Grau in Hungary, taken from the Turks in 1597 + STRIKE, balance (accounts) + STRINGHALT, disease of horses + STROKER, smoother, flatterer + STROOK, p.p. of "strike" + STRUMMEL-PATCHED, strummed is glossed in dialect dicts. as "a long, loose + and dishevelled head of hair" + STUDIES, studious efforts + STYLE, title; pointed instrument used for writing on wax tablets + SUBTLE, fine, delicate, thin; smooth, soft + SUBTLETY (SUBTILITY), subtle device + SUBURB, connected with loose living + SUCCUBAE, demons in form of women + SUCK, extract money from + SUFFERANCE, suffering + SUMMED, term of falconry: with full-grown plumage + SUPER-NEGULUM, topers turned the cup bottom up when it was empty + SUPERSTITIOUS, over-scrupulous + SUPPLE, to make pliant + SURBATE, make sore with walking + SURCEASE, cease + SUR-REVERENCE, save your reverence + SURVISE, peruse + SUSCITABILITY, excitability + SUSPECT, suspicion + SUSPEND, suspect + SUSPENDED, held over for the present + SUTLER, victualler + SWAD, clown, boor + SWATH BANDS, swaddling clothes + SWINGE, beat + + TABERD, emblazoned mantle or tunic worn by knights and heralds + TABLE(S), "pair of —," tablets, note-book + TABOR, small drum + TABRET, tabor + TAFFETA, silk; "tuft-taffeta," a more costly silken fabric + TAINT, "— a staff," break a lance at tilting in an unscientific or + dishonourable manner + TAKE IN, capture, subdue + TAKE ME WITH YOU, let me understand you + TAKE UP, obtain on credit, borrow + TALENT, sum or weight of Greek currency + TALL, stout, brave + TANKARD-BEARERS, men employed to fetch water from the conduits + TARLETON, celebrated comedian and jester + TARTAROUS, like a Tartar + TAVERN-TOKEN, "to swallow a —," get drunk + TELL, count + TELL-TROTH, truth-teller + TEMPER, modify, soften + TENDER, show regard, care for cherish; manifest + TENT, "take —," take heed + TERSE, swept and polished + TERTIA, "that portion of an army levied out of one particular district or + division of a country" (Gifford) + TESTON, tester, coin worth 6d. + THIRDBOROUGH, constable + THREAD, quality + THREAVES, droves + THREE-FARTHINGS, piece of silver current under Elizabeth + THREE-PILED, of finest quality, exaggerated + THRIFTILY, carefully + THRUMS, ends of the weaver's warp; coarse yarn made from + THUMB-RING, familiar spirits were supposed capable of being carried about + in various ornaments or parts of dress + TIBICINE, player on the tibia, or pipe + TICK-TACK, game similar to backgammon + TIGHTLY, promptly + TIM, (?) expressive of a climax of nonentity + TIMELESS, untimely, unseasonable + TINCTURE, an essential or spiritual principle supposed by alchemists to be + transfusible into material things; an imparted characteristic or tendency + TINK, tinkle + TIPPET, "turn —," change behaviour or way of life + TIPSTAFF, staff tipped with metal + TIRE, head-dress + TIRE, feed ravenously, like a bird of prey + TITILLATION, that which tickles the senses, as a perfume + TOD, fox + TOILED, worn out, harassed + TOKEN, piece of base metal used in place of very small coin, when this was + scarce + TONNELS, nostrils + TOP, "parish —," large top kept in villages for amusement and exercise in + frosty weather when people were out of work + TOTER, tooter, player on a wind instrument + TOUSE, pull, read + TOWARD, docile, apt; on the way to; as regards; present, at hand + TOY, whim; trick; term of contempt + TRACT, attraction + TRAIN, allure, entice + TRANSITORY, transmittable + TRANSLATE, transform + TRAY-TRIP, game at dice (success depended on throwing a three) (Nares) + TREACHOUR (TRECHER), traitor + TREEN, wooden + TRENCHER, serving-man who carved or served food + TRENDLE-TAIL, trundle-tail, curly-tailed + TRICK (TRICKING), term of heraldry: to draw outline of coat of arms, etc., + without blazoning + TRIG, a spruce, dandified man + TRILL, trickle + TRILLIBUB, tripe, any worthless, trifling thing + TRIPOLY, "come from —," able to perform feats of agility, a "jest + nominal," depending on the first part of the word (Gifford) + TRITE, worn, shabby + TRIVIA, three-faced goddess (Hecate) + TROJAN, familiar term for an equal or inferior; thief + TROLL, sing loudly + TROMP, trump, deceive + TROPE, figure of speech + TROW, think, believe, wonder + TROWLE, troll + TROWSES, breeches, drawers + TRUCHMAN, interpreter + TRUNDLE, JOHN, well-known printer + TRUNDLE, roll, go rolling along + TRUNDLING CHEATS, term among gipsies and beggars for carts or coaches (Gifford) + TRUNK, speaking-tube + TRUSS, tie the tagged laces that fastened the breeches to the doublet + TUBICINE, trumpeter + TUCKET (Ital. toccato), introductory flourish on the trumpet + TUITION, guardianship + TUMBLE, a particular kind of dog so called from the mode of his hunting + TUMBREL-SLOP, loose, baggy breeches + TURD, excrement + TUSK, gnash the teeth (Century Dict.) + TWIRE, peep, twinkle + TWOPENNY ROOM, gallery + TYRING-HOUSE, attiring-room + + ULENSPIEGEL. See Howleglass + UMBRATILE, like or pertaining to a shadow + UMBRE, brown dye + UNBATED, unabated + UNBORED, (?) excessively bored + UNCARNATE, not fleshly, or of flesh + UNCOUTH, strange, unusual + UNDERTAKER, "one who undertook by his influence in the House of Commons to + carry things agreeably to his Majesty's wishes" (Whalley); one who becomes + surety for + UNEQUAL, unjust + UNEXCEPTED, no objection taken at + UNFEARED, unaffrighted + UNHAPPILY, unfortunately + UNICORN'S HORN, supposed antidote to poison + UNKIND(LY), unnatural(ly) + UNMANNED, untamed (term in falconry) + UNQUIT, undischarged + UNREADY, undressed + UNRUDE, rude to an extreme + UNSEASONED, unseasonable, unripe + UNSEELED, a hawk's eyes were "seeled" by sewing the eyelids together with + fine thread + UNTIMELY, unseasonably + UNVALUABLE, invaluable + UPBRAID, make a matter of reproach + UPSEE, heavy kind of Dutch beer (Halliwell); "— Dutch," in the Dutch fashion + UPTAILS ALL, refrain of a popular song + URGE, allege as accomplice, instigator + URSHIN, URCHIN, hedgehog + USE, interest on money; part of sermon dealing with the practical + application of doctrine + USE, be in the habit of, accustomed to; put out to interest + USQUEBAUGH, whisky + USURE, usury + UTTER, put in circulation, make to pass current; put forth for sale + + VAIL, bow, do homage + VAILS, tips, gratuities + VALL. See Vail + VALLIES (Fr. valise), portmanteau, bag + VAPOUR(S) (n. and v.), used affectedly, like "humour," in many senses, + often very vaguely and freely ridiculed by Jonson; humour, disposition, + whims, brag(ging), hector(ing), etc. + VARLET, bailiff, or serjeant-at-mace + VAUT, vault + VEER (naut.), pay out + VEGETAL, vegetable; person full of life and vigour + VELLUTE, velvet + VELVET CUSTARD. Cf. "Taming of the Shrew," iv. 3, 82, "custard coffin," + coffin being the raised crust over a pie + VENT, vend, sell; give outlet to; scent snuff up + VENUE, bout (fencing term) + VERDUGO (Span.), hangman, executioner + VERGE, "in the —," within a certain distance of the court + VEX, agitate, torment + VICE, the buffoon of old moralities; some kind of machinery for moving a + puppet (Gifford) + VIE AND REVIE, to hazard a certain sum, and to cover it with a larger one. + + VINCENT AGAINST YORK, two heralds-at-arms + VINDICATE, avenge + VIRGE, wand, rod + VIRGINAL, old form of piano + VIRTUE, valour + VIVELY, in lifelike manner, livelily + VIZARD, mask + VOGUE, rumour, gossip + VOICE, vote + VOID, leave, quit + VOLARY, cage, aviary + VOLLEY, "at —," "o' the volee," at random (from a term of tennis) + VORLOFFE, furlough + + WADLOE, keeper of the Devil Tavern, where Jonson and his friends met in the + 'Apollo' room (Whalley) + WAIGHTS, waits, night musicians, "band of musical watchmen" (Webster), or + old form of "hautboys" + WANNION, "vengeance," "plague" (Nares) + WARD, a famous pirate + WARD, guard in fencing + WATCHET, pale, sky blue + WEAL, welfare + WEED, garment + WEFT, waif + WEIGHTS, "to the gold —," to every minute particular + WELKIN, sky + WELL-SPOKEN, of fair speech + WELL-TORNED, turned and polished, as on a wheel + WELT, hem, border of fur + WHER, whether + WHETSTONE, GEORGE, an author who lived 1544(?) to 1587(?) + WHIFF, a smoke, or drink; "taking the —," inhaling the tobacco smoke or + some such accomplishment + WHIGH-HIES, neighings, whinnyings + WHIMSY, whim, "humour" + WHINILING, (?) whining, weakly + WHIT, (?) a mere jot + WHITEMEAT, food made of milk or eggs + WICKED, bad, clumsy + WICKER, pliant, agile + WILDING, esp. fruit of wild apple or crab tree (Webster) + WINE, "I have the — for you," Prov.: I have the perquisites (of the + office) which you are to share (Cunningham) + WINNY, "same as old word 'wonne', to stay, etc." (Whalley) + WISE-WOMAN, fortune-teller + WISH, recommend + WISS (WUSSE), "I —," certainly, of a truth + WITHHOUT, beyond + WITTY, cunning, ingenious, clever + WOOD, collection, lot + WOODCOCK, term of contempt + WOOLSACK ("— pies"), name of tavern + WORT, unfermented beer + WOUNDY, great, extreme + WREAK, revenge + WROUGHT, wrought upon + WUSSE, interjection. (See Wiss) + + YEANLING, lamb, kid + + ZANY, an inferior clown, who attended upon the chief fool and mimicked his + tricks +</pre> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Every Man Out Of His Humour, by Ben Jonson + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK EVERY MAN OUT OF HIS HUMOUR *** + +***** This file should be named 3695-h.htm or 3695-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/6/9/3695/ + +Produced by Sue Asscher, Amy E Zelmer, and David Widger + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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