diff options
Diffstat (limited to '366.txt')
| -rw-r--r-- | 366.txt | 6567 |
1 files changed, 0 insertions, 6567 deletions
diff --git a/366.txt b/366.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 560cbc1..0000000 --- a/366.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,6567 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Bab: A Sub-Deb, by Mary Roberts Rinehart - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - - - -Title: Bab: A Sub-Deb - -Author: Mary Roberts Rinehart - -Release Date: November, 1995 [EBook #366] -Last Updated: February 28, 2015 - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BAB: A SUB-DEB *** - - - - -Produced by Anonymous Project Gutenberg Volunteers - - - - - - - - -BAB: A SUB-DEB - -By Mary Roberts Rinehart - -Author Of "K," "The Circular Staircase," "Kings, Queens And Pawns," Etc. - - - - -CONTENTS - - -I. THE SUB-DEB - -II. THEME: THE CELEBRITY - -III. HER DIARY - - - - -CHAPTER I. THE SUB-DEB: A THEME WRITTEN AND SUBMITTED IN LITERATURE -CLASS BY BARBARA PUTNAM ARCHIBALD, 1917. - - -DEFINITION OF A THEME: - -A theme is a piece of writing, either true or made up by the author, -and consisting of Introduction, Body and Conclusion. It should contain -Unity, Coherence, Emphasis, Perspecuity, Vivacity, and Precision. It may -be ornamented with dialogue, description and choice quotations. - -SUBJECT OF THEME: - -An interesting Incident of My Christmas Holadays. - -Introduction: - -"A tyrant's power in rigor is exprest."--DRYDEN. - -I have decided to relate with precision what occurred during my recent -Christmas holiday. Although I was away from this school only four days, -returning unexpectedly the day after Christmas, a number of Incidents -occurred which I believe I should narrate. - -It is only just and fair that the Upper House, at least, should know -of the injustice of my exile, and that it is all the result of -circumstances over which I had no control. - -For I make this appeal, and with good reason. Is it any fault of mine -that my sister Leila is 20 months older than I am? Naturally, no. - -Is it fair also, I ask, that in the best society, a girl is a Sub-Deb -the year before she comes out, and although mature in mind, and even -maturer in many ways than her older sister, the latter is treated as a -young lady, enjoying many privileges, while the former is treated as a -mere child, in spite, as I have observed, of only 20 months difference? -I wish to place myself on record that it is NOT fair. - -I shall go back, for a short time, to the way things were at home when I -was small. I was very strictly raised. With the exception of Tommy Gray, -who lives next door and only is about my age, I was never permitted to -know any of the Other Sex. - -Looking back, I am sure that the present way society is organized is -really to blame for everything. I am being frank, and that is the way I -feel. I was too strictly raised. I always had a governess tagging along. -Until I came here to school I had never walked to the corner of the next -street unattended. If it wasn't Mademoiselle, it was mother's maid, and -if it wasn't either of them, it was mother herself, telling me to hold -my toes out and my shoulder blades in. As I have said, I never knew any -of the Other Sex, except the miserable little beasts at dancing school. -I used to make faces at them when Mademoiselle was putting on my -slippers and pulling out my hair bow. They were totally uninteresting, -and I used to put pins in my sash, so that they would get scratched. - -Their pumps mostly squeaked, and nobody noticed it, although I have -known my parents to dismiss a Butler who creaked at the table. - -When I was sent away to school, I expected to learn something of life. -But I was disappointed. I do not desire to criticize this institution of -learning. It is an excellent one, as is shown by the fact that the best -families send their daughters here. But to learn life one must know -something of both sides of it, male and female. It was, therefore, a -matter of deep regret to me to find that, with the exception of the -dancing master, who has three children, and the gardener, there were no -members of the sterner sex to be seen. - -The athletic coach was a girl! As she has left now to be married, I -venture to say that she was not what Lord Chesterfield so euphoniously -termed "SUAVITER IN MODO, FORTATER IN RE." - -When we go out to walk we are taken to the country, and the three -matinees a year we see in the city are mostly Shakespeare, arranged for -the young. We are allowed only certain magazines, the Atlantic Monthly -and one or two others, and Barbara Armstrong was penalized for having a -framed photograph of her brother in running clothes. - -At the school dances we are compelled to dance with each other, and the -result is that when at home at Holiday parties I always try to lead, -which annoys the boys I dance with. - -Notwithstanding all this it is an excellent school. We learn a great -deal, and our dear principal is a most charming and erudite person. But -we see very little of life. And if school is a preparation for life, -where are we? - -Being here alone since the day after Christmas, I have had time to think -everything out. I am naturally a thinking person. And now I am no longer -indignant. I realize that I was wrong, and that I am only paying the -penalty that I deserve although I consider it most unfair to be given -French translation to do. I do not object to going to bed at nine -o'clock, although ten is the hour in the Upper House, because I have -time then to look back over things, and to reflect, to think. - -"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." -SHAKESPEARE. - -BODY OF THEME: - -I now approach the narrative of what happened during the first four days -of my Christmas Holiday. - -For a period before the fifteenth of December, I was rather worried. All -the girls in the school were getting new clothes for Christmas parties, -and their Families were sending on invitations in great numbers, to -various festivities that were to occur when they went home. - -Nothing, however, had come for me, and I was worried. But on the 16th -mother's visiting Secretary sent on four that I was to accept, with -tiped acceptances for me to copy and send. She also sent me the good -news that I was to have two party dresses, and I was to send on my -measurements for them. - -One of the parties was a dinner and theater party, to be given by Carter -Brooks on New Year's Day. Carter Brooks is the well-known Yale Center, -although now no longer such but selling advertizing, ecetera. - -It is tragic to think that, after having so long anticipated that -party, I am now here in sackcloth and ashes, which is a figure of speech -for the Peter Thompson uniform of the school, with plain white for -evenings and no jewelry. - -It was with anticipatory joy, therefore, that I sent the acceptances and -the desired measurements, and sat down to cheerfully while away the time -in studies and the various duties of school life, until the Holidays. - -However, I was not long to rest in piece, for in a few days I received a -letter from Carter Brooks, as follows: - - -DEAR BARBARA: It was sweet of you to write me so promptly, although I -confess to being rather astonished as well as delighted at being called -"Dearest." The signature too was charming, "Ever thine." But, dear -child, won't you write at once and tell me why the waist, bust and hip -measurements? And the request to have them really low in the neck? Ever -thine, CARTER. - -It will be perceived that I had sent him the letter to mother, by -mistake. - -I was very unhappy about it. It was not an auspicious way to begin the -holidays, especially the low neck. Also I disliked very much having told -him my waist measure which is large owing to basket ball. - -As I have stated before, I have known very few of the Other Sex, but -some of the girls had had more experience, and in the days before we -went home, we talked a great deal about things. Especially Love. I felt -that it was rather over-done, particularly in fiction. Also I felt and -observed at divers times that I would never marry. It was my intention -to go upon the stage, although modified since by what I am about to -relate. - -The other girls say that I look like Julia Marlowe. - -Some of the girls had boys who wrote to them, and one of them--I refrain -from giving her name had--a Code. You read every third word. He called -her "Cousin" and he would write like this: - - -Dear Cousin: I am well. Am just about crazy this week to go home. See -notice enclosed you football game. - -And so on and on. Only what it really said was "I am crazy to see you." - -(In giving this code I am betraying no secrets, as they have quarreled -and everything is now over between them.) - -As I had nobody, at that time, and as I had visions of a career, I was -a man-hater. I acknowledge that this was a pose. But after all, what is -life but a pose? - -"Stupid things!" I always said. "Nothing in their heads but football and -tobacco smoke. Women," I said, "are only their playthings. And when they -do grow up and get a little intelligence they use it in making money." - -There has been a story in the school--I got it from one of the little -girls--that I was disappointed in love in early youth, the object of my -attachment having been the tenor in our church choir at home. I daresay I -should have denied the soft impeachment, but I did not. It was, although -not appearing so at the time, my first downward step on the path that -leads to destruction. - -"The way of the transgressor is hard"--Bible. - -I come now to the momentous day of my return to my dear home for -Christmas. Father and my sister Leila, who from now on I will term -"Sis," met me at the station. Sis was very elegantly dressed, and she -said: - -"Hello, Kid," and turned her cheek for me to kiss. - -She is, as I have stated, but 20 months older than I, and depends -altogether on her clothes for her beauty. In the morning she is plain, -although having a good skin. She was trimmed up with a bouquet of -violets as large as a dishpan, and she covered them with her hands when -I kissed her. - -She was waved and powdered, and she had on a perfectly new outfit. And -I was shabby. That is the exact word. Shabby. If you have to hang your -entire wardrobe in a closet ten inches deep, and put it over you on cold -nights, with the steam heat shut off at ten o'clock, it does not make it -look any better. - -My father has always been my favorite member of the family, and he was -very glad to see me. He has a great deal of tact, also, and later on he -slipped ten dollars in my purse in the motor. I needed it very much, -as after I had paid the porter and bought luncheon, I had only three -dollars left and an I. O. U. from one of the girls for seventy-five -cents, which this may remind her, if it is read in class, she has -forgotten. - -"Good heavens, Barbara," Sis said, while I hugged father, "you certainly -need to be pressed." - -"I daresay I'll be the better for a hot iron," I retorted, "but at least -I shan't need it on my hair." My hair is curly while hers is straight. - -"Boarding school wit!" she said, and stocked to the motor. - -Mother was in the car and glad to see me, but as usual she managed to -restrain her enthusiasm. She put her hands over some orchids she was -wearing when I kissed her. She and Sis were on their way to something or -other. - -"Trimmed up like Easter hats, you two!" I said. - -"School has not changed you, I fear, Barbara," mother observed. "I hope -you are studying hard." - -"Exactly as hard as I have to. No more, no less," I regret to -confess that I replied. And I saw Sis and mother exchange glances of -significance. - -We dropped them at the reception and father went to his office and I -went on home alone. And all at once I began to be embittered. Sis had -everything, and what had I? And when I got home, and saw that Sis had -had her room done over, and ivory toilet things on her dressing table, -and two perfectly huge boxes of candy on a stand and a ball gown laid -out on the bed, I almost wept. - -My own room was just as I had left it. It had been the night nursery, -and there was still the dent in the mantel where I had thrown a hair -brush at Sis, and the ink spot on the carpet at the foot of the bed, and -everything. - -Mademoiselle had gone, and Hannah, mother's maid, came to help me off -with my things. I slammed the door in her face, and sat down on the bed -and RAGED. - -They still thought I was a little girl. They PATRONIZED me. I would -hardly have been surprised if they had sent up a bread and milk supper -on a tray. It was then and there that I made up my mind to show them -that I was no longer a mere child. That the time was gone when they -could shut me up in the nursery and forget me. I was seventeen years and -eleven days old, and Juliet, in Shakespeare, was only sixteen when she -had her well-known affair with Romeo. - -I had no plan then. It was not until the next afternoon that the thing -sprung (sprang?) fullblown from the head of Jove. - -The evening was rather dreary. The family was going out, but not until -nine thirty, and mother and Leila went over my clothes. They sat, Sis -in pink chiffon and mother in black and silver, and Hannah took out my -things and held them up. I was obliged to silently sit by, while my rags -and misery were exposed. - -"Why this open humiliation?" I demanded at last. "I am the family -Cinderella, I admit it. But it isn't necessary to lay so much emphasis -on it, is it?" - -"Don't be sarcastic, Barbara," said mother. "You are still only a child, -and a very untidy child at that. What do you do with your elbows to rub -them through so? It must have taken patience and application." - -"Mother" I said, "am I to have the party dresses?" - -"Two. Very simple." - -"Low in the neck?" - -"Certainly not. A small v, perhaps." - -"I've got a good neck." She rose impressively. - -"You amaze and shock me, Barbara," she said coldly. - -"I shouldn't have to wear tulle around my shoulders to hide the bones!" -I retorted. "Sis is rather thin." - -"You are a very sharp-tongued little girl," mother said, looking up at -me. I am two inches taller than she is. - -"Unless you learn to curb yourself, there will be no parties for you, -and no party dresses." - -This was the speech that broke the camel's back. I could endure no more. - -"I think," I said, "that I shall get married and end everything." - -Need I explain that I had no serious intention of taking the fatal step? -But it was not deliberate mendacity. It was despair. - -Mother actually went white. She clutched me by the arm and shook me. - -"What are you saying?" she demanded. - -"I think you heard me, mother" I said, very politely. I was however -thinking hard. - -"Marry whom? Barbara, answer me." - -"I don't know. Anybody." - -"She's trying to frighten you, mother" Sis said. "There isn't anybody. -Don't let her fool you." - -"Oh, isn't there?" I said in a dark and portentous manner. - -Mother gave me a long look, and went out. I heard her go into father's -dressing-room. But Sis sat on my bed and watched me. - -"Who is it, Bab?" she asked. "The dancing teacher? Or your riding -master? Or the school plumber?" - -"Guess again." - -"You're just enough of a little simpleton to get tied up to some wretched -creature and disgrace us all." - -I wish to state here that until that moment I had no intention of going -any further with the miserable business. I am naturally truthful, -and deception is hateful to me. But when my sister uttered the above -disparaging remark I saw that, to preserve my own dignity, which I value -above precious stones, I would be compelled to go on. - -"I'm perfectly mad about him," I said. "And he's crazy about me." - -"I'd like very much to know," Sis said, as she stood up and stared at -me, "how much you are making up and how much is true." - -None the less, I saw that she was terrified. The family kitten, to speak -in allegory, had become a lion and showed its claws. - -When she had gone out I tried to think of some one to hang a love affair -to. But there seemed to be nobody. They knew perfectly well that the -dancing master had one eye and three children, and that the clergyman at -school was elderly, with two wives. One dead. - -I searched my past, but it was blameless. It was empty and bare, and -as I looked back and saw how little there had been in it but imbibing -wisdom and playing basket-ball and tennis, and typhoid fever when I -was fourteen and almost having to have my head shaved, a great wave of -bitterness agitated me. - -"Never again," I observed to myself with firmness. "Never again, if I -have to invent a member of the Other Sex." - -At that time, however, owing to the appearance of Hannah with a mending -basket, I got no further than his name. - -It was Harold. I decided to have him dark, with a very small black -mustache, and passionate eyes. I felt, too, that he would be jealous. -The eyes would be of the smoldering type, showing the green-eyed -monster beneath. - -I was very much cheered up. At least they could not ignore me any more, -and I felt that they would see the point. If I was old enough to have -a lover--especially a jealous one with the aforementioned eyes--I was old -enough to have the necks of my frocks cut out. - -While they were getting their wraps on in the lower hall, I counted my -money. I had thirteen dollars. It was enough for a plan I was beginning -to have in mind. - -"Go to bed early, Barbara," mother said when they were ready to go out. - -"You don't mind if I write a letter, do you?" - -"To whom?" - -"Oh, just a letter," I said, and she stared at me coldly. - -"I daresay you will write it, whether I consent or not. Leave it on the -hall table, and it will go out with the morning mail." - -"I may run out to the box with it." - -"I forbid your doing anything of the sort." - -"Oh, very well," I responded meekly. - -"If there is such haste about it, give it to Hannah to mail." - -"Very well," I said. - -She made an excuse to see Hannah before she left, and I knew THAT I WAS -BEING WATCHED. I was greatly excited, and happier than I had been for -weeks. But when I had settled myself in the library, with the paper -in front of me, I could not think of anything to say in a letter. So I -wrote a poem instead.= - -```"To H---- - -```"Dear love: you seem so far away, - -````I would that you were near. - -```I do so long to hear you say - -```Again, 'I love you, dear.'= - -```"Here all is cold and drear and strange - -````With none who with me tarry, - -```I hope that soon we can arrange - -````To run away and marry."= - -The last verse did not scan, exactly, but I wished to use the word -"marry" if possible. It would show, I felt, that things were really -serious and impending. A love affair is only a love affair, but marriage -is marriage, and the end of everything. - -It was at that moment, 10 o'clock, that the strange thing occurred which -did not seem strange at all at the time, but which developed into so -great a mystery later on. Which was to actually threaten my reason and -which, flying on winged feet, was to send me back here to school the -day after Christmas and put my seed pearl necklace in the safe deposit -vault. Which was very unfair, for what had my necklace to do with it? -And just now, when I need comfort, it--the necklace--would help to -relieve my exile. - -Hannah brought me in a cup of hot milk, with a Valentine's malted milk -tablet dissolved in it. - -As I stirred it around, it occurred to me that Valentine would be a good -name for Harold. On the spot I named him Harold Valentine, and I wrote -the name on the envelope that had the poem inside, and addressed it to -the town where this school gets its mail. - -It looked well written out. "Valentine," also, is a word that naturally -connects itself with AFFAIRS DE COUR. And I felt that I was safe, for as -there was no Harold Valentine, he could not call for the letter at the -post office, and would therefore not be able to cause me any trouble, -under any circumstances. And, furthermore. I knew that Hannah would not -mail the letter anyhow, but would give it to mother. So, even if there -was a Harold Valentine, he would never get it. - -Comforted by these reflections, I drank my malted milk, ignorant of -the fact that destiny, "which never swerves, nor yields to men the -helm"--Emerson, was stocking at my heels. - -Between sips, as the expression goes, I addressed the envelope to Harold -Valentine, and gave it to Hannah. She went out the front door with it, -as I had expected, but I watched from a window, and she turned right -around and went in the area way. So THAT was all right. - -It had worked like a Charm. I could tear my hair now when I think how -well it worked. I ought to have been suspicious for that very reason. -When things go very well with me at the start, it is a sure sign that -they are going to blow up eventually. - -Mother and Sis slept late the next morning, and I went out stealthily -and did some shopping. First I bought myself a bunch of violets, with a -white rose in the center, and I printed on the card: - -"My love is like a white, white rose. H." And sent it to myself. - -It was deception, I acknowledge, but having put my hand to the plow, -I did not intend to steer a crooked course. I would go straight to the -end. I am like that in everything I do. But, on deliberating things -over, I felt that Violets, alone and unsupported, were not enough. I felt -that If I had a photograph, it would make everything more real. After -all, what is a love affair without a picture of the Beloved Object? - -So I bought a photograph. It was hard to find what I wanted, but I got -it at last in a stationer's shop, a young man in a checked suit with a -small mustache--the young man, of course, not the suit. Unluckily, he -was rather blonde, and had a dimple in his chin. But he looked exactly -as though his name ought to be Harold. - -I may say here that I chose "Harold," not because it is a favorite name -of mine, but because it is romantic in sound. Also because I had never -known any one named Harold and it seemed only discrete. - -I took it home in my muff and put it under my pillow where Hannah would -find it and probably take it to mother. I wanted to buy a ring too, to -hang on a ribbon around my neck. But the violets had made a fearful hole -in my thirteen dollars. - -I borrowed a stub pen at the stationer's and I wrote on the photograph, -in large, sprawling letters, "To YOU from ME." - -"There," I said to myself, when I put it under the pillow. "You look -like a photograph, but you are really a bomb-shell." - -As things eventuated, it was. More so, indeed. - -Mother sent for me when I came in. She was sitting in front of her -mirror, having the vibrator used on her hair, and her manner was -changed. I guessed that there had been a family counsel over the poem, -and that they had decided to try kindness. - -"Sit down, Barbara," she said. "I hope you were not lonely last night?" - -"I am never lonely, mother. I always have things to think about." - -I said this in a very pathetic tone. - -"What sort of things?" mother asked, rather sharply. - -"Oh--things," I said vaguely. "Life is such a mess, isn't it?" - -"Certainly not. Unless one makes it so." - -"But it is so difficult. Things come up and--and it's hard to know what -to do. The only way, I suppose, is to be true to one's belief in one's -self." - -"Take that thing off my head and go out, Hannah," mother snapped. "Now -then, Barbara, what in the world has come over you?" - -"Over me? Nothing." - -"You are being a silly child." - -"I am no longer a child, mother. I am seventeen. And at seventeen there -are problems. After all, one's life is one's own. One must decide----" - -"Now, Barbara, I am not going to have any nonsense. You must put that -man out of your head." - -"Man? What man?" - -"You think you are in love with some driveling young Fool. I'm not -blind, or an idiot. And I won't have it." - -"I have not said that there is anyone, have I?" I said in a gentle -voice. "But if there was, just what would you propose to do, mother?" - -"If you were three years younger I'd propose to spank you." Then I -think she saw that she was taking the wrong method, for she changed her -tactics. "It's the fault of that silly school," she said. (Note: -These are my mother's words, not mine.) "They are hotbeds of sickly -sentimentality. They----" - -And just then the violets came, addressed to me. Mother opened them -herself, her mouth set. "My love is like a white, white rose," she said. -"Barbara, do you know who sent these?" - -"Yes, mother," I said meekly. This was quite true. I did. - -I am indeed sorry to record that here my mother lost her temper, and -there was no end of a fuss. It ended by mother offering me a string of -seed pearls for Christmas, and my party dresses cut V front and back, if -I would, as she phrased it, "put him out of my silly head." - -"I shall have to write one letter, mother," I said, "to--to break things -off. I cannot tear myself out of another's life without a word." - -She sniffed. - -"Very well," she said. "One letter. I trust you to make it only one." - -I come now to the next day. How true it is, that "Man's life is but a -jest, a dream, a shadow, bubble, air, a vapor at the best!" - -I spent the morning with mother at the dressmakers and she chose two -perfectly spiffing things, one of white chiffon over silk, made modified -Empire, with little bunches of roses here and there on it, and when she -and the dressmaker were haggling over the roses, I took the scissors and -cut the neck of the lining two inches lower in front. The effect was -positively impressive. The other was blue over orchid, a perfectly -passionate combination. - -When we got home some of the girls had dropped in, and Carter Brooks -and Sis were having tea in the den. I am perfectly sure that Sis threw -a cigarette in the fire when I went in. When I think of my sitting here -alone, when I have done NOTHING, and Sis playing around and smoking -cigarettes, and nothing said, all for a difference of 20 months, it -makes me furious. - -"Let's go in and play with the children, Leila," he said. "I'm feeling -young today." - -Which was perfectly silly. He is not Methuselah. Although thinking -himself so, or almost. - -Well, they went into the drawing room. Elaine Adams was there waiting -for me, and Betty Anderson and Jane Raleigh. And I hadn't been in the -room five minutes before I knew that they all knew. It turned out later -that Hannah was engaged to the Adams' butler, and she had told him, -and he had told Elaine's governess, who is still there and does the -ordering, and Elaine sends her stockings home for her to darn. - -Sis had told Carter, too, I saw that, and among them they had rather -a good time. Carter sat down at the piano and struck a few chords, -chanting "My Love is like a white, white rose." - -"Only you know" he said, turning to me, "that's wrong. It ought to be a -'red, red rose.'" - -"Certainly not. The word is 'white.'" - -"Oh, is it?" he said, with his head on one side. "Strange that both you -and Harold should have got it wrong." - -I confess to a feeling of uneasiness at that moment. - -Tea came, and Carter insisted on pouring. - -"I do so love to pour!" he said. "Really, after a long day's shopping, -tea is the only thing that keeps me going until dinner. Cream or lemon, -Leila dear?" - -"Both," Sis said in an absent manner, with her eyes on me. "Barbara, -come into the den a moment. I want to show you mother's Christmas gift." - -She stocked in ahead of me, and lifted a book from the table. Under it -was the photograph. - -"You wretched child!" she said. "Where did you get that?" - -"That's not your affair, is it?" - -"I'm going to make it my affair. Did he give it to you?" - -"Have you read what's written on it?" - -"Where did you meet him?" - -I hesitated because I am by nature truthful. But at last I said: - -"At school." - -"Oh," she said slowly. "So you met him at school! What was he doing -there? Teaching elocution?" - -"Elocution!" - -"This is Harold, is it?" - -"Certainly." Well, he WAS Harold, if I chose to call him that, wasn't -he? Sis gave a little sigh. - -"You're quite hopeless, Bab. And, although I'm perfectly sure you want -me to take the thing to mother, I'll do nothing of the sort." - -SHE FLUNG IT INTO THE FIRE. I was raging. It had cost me a dollar. It -was quite brown when I got it out, and a corner was burned off. But I -got it. - -"I'll thank you to burn your own things," I said with dignity. And I -went back to the drawing room. - -The girls and Carter Brooks were talking in an undertone when I got -there. I knew it was about me. And Jane came over to me and put her arm -around me. - -"You poor thing!" she said. "Just fight it out. We're all with you." - -"I'm so helpless, Jane." I put all the despair I could into my voice. -For after all, if they were going to talk about my private affairs -behind my back, I felt that they might as well have something to talk -about. As Jane's second cousin once removed is in this school and as -Jane will probably write her all about it, I hope this theme is read -aloud in class, so she will get it all straight. Jane is imaginative and -may have a wrong idea of things. - -"Don't give in. Let them bully you. They can't really do anything. And -they're scared. Leila is positively sick." - -"I've promised to write and break it off," I said in a tense tone. - -"If he really loves you," said Jane, "the letter won't matter." There -was a thrill in her voice. Had I not been uneasy at my deceit, I to -would have thrilled. - -Some fresh muffins came in just then and I was starving. But I waved -them away, and stood staring at the fire. - -I am writing all of this as truthfully as I can. I am not defending -myself. What I did I was driven to, as any one can see. It takes a real -shock to make the average family wake up to the fact that the youngest -daughter is not the family baby at seventeen. All I was doing was -furnishing the shock. If things turned out badly, as they did, it -was because I rather overdid the thing. That is all. My motives were -perfectly irreproachable. - -Well, they fell on the muffins like pigs, and I could hardly stand it. -So I wandered into the den, and it occurred to me to write the letter -then. I felt that they all expected me to do something anyhow. - -If I had never written the wretched letter things would be better now. -As I say, I overdid. But everything had gone so smoothly all day that I -was deceived. But the real reason was a new set of furs. I had secured -the dresses and the promise of the necklace on a poem and a photograph, -and I thought that a good love letter might bring a muff. It all shows -that it does not do to be grasping. - -HAD I NOT WRITTEN THE LETTER, THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN NO TRAGEDY. - -But I wrote it and if I do say it, it was a LETTER. I commenced it -"Darling," and I said I was mad to see him, and that I would always love -him. But I told him that the family objected to him, and that this was -to end everything between us. They had started the phonograph in the -library, and were playing "The Rosary." So I ended with a verse from -that. It was really a most affecting letter. I almost wept over it -myself, because, if there had been a Harold, it would have broken his -Heart. - -Of course I meant to give it to Hannah to mail, and she would give it to -mother. Then, after the family had read it and it had got in its work, -including the set of furs, they were welcome to mail it. It would go -to the dead letter office, since there was no Harold. It could not come -back to me, for I had only signed it "Barbara." I had it all figured out -carefully. It looked as if I had everything to gain, including the furs, -and nothing to lose. Alas, how little I knew! - -"The best laid plans of mice and men gang aft allay." Burns. - -Carter Brooks ambled into the room just as I sealed it and stood gazing -down at me. - -"You're quite a Person these days, Bab," he said. "I suppose all the -customary Xmas kisses are being saved this year for what's his name." - -"I don't understand you." - -"For Harold. You know, Bab, I think I could bear up better if his name -wasn't Harold." - -"I don't see how it concerns you," I responded. - -"Don't you? With me crazy about you for lo, these many years! First as -a baby, then as a sub-sub-deb, and now as a sub-deb. Next year, when you -are a real debutante----" - -"You've concealed your infatuation bravely." - -"It's been eating me inside. A green and yellow melancholy--hello! A -letter to him!" - -"Why, so it is," I said in a scornful tone. - -He picked it up, and looked at it. Then he started and stared at me. - -"No!" he said. "It isn't possible! It isn't old Valentine!" - -Positively, my knees got cold. I never had such a shock. - -"It--it certainly is Harold Valentine," I said feebly. - -"Old Hal!" he muttered. "Well, who would have thought it! And not a word -to me about it, the secretive old duffer!" He held out his hand to me. -"Congratulations, Barbara," he said heartily. "Since you absolutely -refuse me, you couldn't do better. He's the finest chap I know. If it's -Valentine the family is kicking up such a row about, you leave it to -me. I'll tell them a few things." - -I was stunned. Would anybody have believed it? To pick a name out of the -air, so to speak, and off a malted milk tablet, and then to find that it -actually belonged to some one--was sickening. - -"It may not be the one you know" I said desperately. "It--it's a common -name. There must be plenty of Valentines." - -"Sure there are, lace paper and cupids--lots of that sort. But there's -only one Harold Valentine, and now you've got him pinned to the wall! -I'll tell you what I'll do, Barbara. I'm a real friend of yours. Always -have been. Always will be. The chances are against the family letting -him get this letter. I'll give it to him." - -"GIVE it to him?" - -"Why, he's here. You know that, don't you? He's in town over the -holidays." - -"Oh, no!" I said in a gasping Voice. - -"Sorry," he said. "Probably meant it as a surprise to you. Yes, he's -here, with bells on." - -He then put the letter in his pocket before my very eyes, and sat down -on the corner of the writing table! - -"You don't know how all this has relieved my mind," he said. "The poor -chap's been looking down. Not interested in anything. Of course this -explains it. He's the sort to take Love hard. At college he took -everything hard--like to have died once with German measles." - -He picked up a book, and the charred picture was underneath. He pounced -on it. "Pounced" is exactly the right word. - -"Hello!" he said, "family again, I suppose. Yes, it's Hal, all right. -Well, who would have thought it!" - -My last hope died. Then and there I had a nervous chill. I was compelled -to prop my chin on my hand to keep my teeth from chattering. - -"Tell you what I'll do," he said, in a perfectly cheerful tone that -made me cold all over. "I'll be the cupid for your Valentine. See? -Far be it from me to see love's young dream wiped out by a hardhearted -family. I'm going to see this thing through. You count on me, Barbara. -I'll arrange that you get a chance to see each other, family or no -family. Old Hal has been looking down his nose long enough. When's your -first party?" - -"Tomorrow night," I gasped out. - -"Very well. Tomorrow night it is. It's the Adams', isn't it, at the -Club?" - -I could only nod. I was beyond speaking. I saw it all clearly. I had -been wicked in deceiving my dear family and now I was to pay the -penalty. He would know at once that I had made him up, or rather he did -not know me and therefore could not possibly be in Love with me. And -what then? - -"But look here," he said, "if I take him there as Valentine, the family -will be on, you know. We'd better call him something else. Got any -choice as to a name?" - -"Carter" I said frantically. "I think I'd better tell you. I----" - -"How about calling him Grosvenor?". he babbled on. "Grosvenor's a good -name. Ted Grosvenor--that ought to hit them between the eyes. It's going -to be rather a lark, Miss Bab!" - -And of course just then mother came in, and the Brooks idiot went in -and poured her a cup of tea, with his little finger stuck out at a right -angel, and every time he had a chance he winked at me. - -I wanted to die. - -When they had all gone home it seemed like a bad dream, the whole thing. -It could not be true. I went upstairs and manicured my nails, which -usually comforts me, and put my hair up like Leila's. - -But nothing could calm me. I had made my own fate, and must lie in it. -And just then Hannah slipped in with a box in her hands and her eyes -frightened. - -"Oh, Miss Barbara!" she said. "If your mother sees this!" - -I dropped my manicure scissors, I was so alarmed. But I opened the box, -and clutched the envelope inside. It said "from H----." Then Carter was -right. There was an H after all! - -Hannah was rolling her hands in her apron and her eyes were popping out -of her head. - -"I just happened to see the boy at the door," she said, with her silly -teeth chattering. "Oh, Miss Barbara, if Patrick had answered the bell! -What shall we do with them?" - -"You take them right down the back stairs," I said. "As if it was an -empty box. And put it outside with the waist papers. Quick." - -She gathered the thing up, but of course mother had to come in just -then and they met in the doorway. She saw it all in one glance, and she -snatched the card out of my hand. - -"From H----!" she read. "Take them out, Hannah, and throw them away. No, -don't do that. Put them on the Servant's table." Then, when the door -had closed, she turned to me. "Just one more ridiculous episode of this -kind, Barbara," she said, "and you go back to school--Christmas or no -Christmas." - -I will say this. If she had shown the faintest softness, I'd have told -her the whole thing. But she did not. She looked exactly as gentle as a -macadam pavement. I am one who has to be handled with gentleness. A -kind word will do anything with me, but harsh treatment only makes me -determined. I then become inflexible as iron. - -That is what happened then. Mother took the wrong course and threatened, -which as I have stated is fatal, as far as I am concerned. I refused -to yield an inch, and it ended in my having my dinner in my room, and -mother threatening to keep me home from the party the next night. It was -not a threat, if she had only known it. - -But when the next day went by, with no more flowers, and nothing -apparently wrong except that mother was very dignified with me, I began -to feel better. Sis was out all day, and in the afternoon Jane called me -up. - -"How are you?" she said. - -"Oh, I'm all right." - -"Everything smooth?" - -"Well, smooth enough." - -"Oh, Bab," she said. "I'm just crazy about it. All the girls are." - -"I knew they were crazy about something." - -"You poor thing, no wonder you are bitter," she said. "Somebody's -coming. I'll have to ring off. But don't you give in, Bab. Not an inch. -Marry your heart's desire, no matter who butts in." - -Well, you can see how it was. Even then I could have told father and -mother, and got out of it somehow. But all the girls knew about it, and -there was nothing to do but go on. - -All that day every time I thought of the Party my heart missed a beat. -But as I would not lie and say that I was ill--I am naturally truthful, -as far as possible--I was compelled to go, although my heart was -breaking. - -I am not going to write much about the party, except a slight -description, which properly belongs in every theme. - -All Parties for the school set are alike. The boys range from -knickerbockers to college men in their freshmen year, and one is likely -to dance half the evening with youngsters that one saw last in their -perambulators. It is rather startling to have about six feet of black -trouser legs and white shirt front come and ask one to dance and then -to get one's eyes raised as far as the top of what looks like a -particularly thin pair of tree trunks and see a little boy's face. - -As this theme is to contain description I shall describe the ball room -of the club where the eventful party occurred. - -The ball room is white, with red hangings, and looks like a Charlotte -Russe with maraschino cherries. Over the fireplace they had put "Merry -Christmas," in electric lights, and the chandeliers were made into -Christmas trees and hung with colored balls. One of the balls fell -off during the cotillion, and went down the back of one of the girl's -dresses, and they were compelled to up-end her and shake her out in the -dressing room. - -The favors were insignificant, as usual. It is not considered good taste -to have elaborate things for the school crowd. But when I think of the -silver things Sis always brought home, and remember that I took away -about six Christmas stockings, a toy balloon, four whistles, a wooden -canary in a cage and a box of talcum powder, I feel that things are not -fair in this World. - -Hannah went with me, and in the motor she said: - -"Oh, Miss Barbara, do be careful. The family is that upset." - -"Don't be a silly," I said. "And if the family is half as upset as I -am, it is throwing a fit at this minute." - -We were early, of course. My mother believes in being on time, and -besides, she and Sis wanted the motor later. And while Hannah was on her -knees taking off my carriage boots, I suddenly decided that I could not -go down. Hannah turned quite pale when I told her. - -"What will your mother say?" she said. "And you with your new dress and -all! It's as much as my life is worth to take you back home now, Miss -Barbara." - -Well, that was true enough. There would be a riot if I went home, and I -knew it. - -"I'll see the steward and get you a cup of tea," Hannah said. "Tea sets -me up like anything when I'm nervous. Now please be a good girl, Miss -Barbara, and don't run off, or do anything foolish." - -She wanted me to promise, but I would not, although I could not have run -anywhere. My legs were entirely numb. - -In a half hour at the utmost I knew all would be known, and very likely -I would be a homeless wanderer on the earth. For I felt that never, never -could I return to my dear ones, when my terrible actions became known. - -Jane came in while I was sipping the tea and she stood off and eyed me -with sympathy. - -"I don't wonder, Bab!" she said. "The idea of your family acting so -outrageously! And look here" She bent over me and whispered it. "Don't -trust Carter too much. He is perfectly infatuated with Leila, and he -will play into the hands of the enemy. BE CAREFUL." - -"Loathsome creature!" was my response. "As for trusting him, I trust no -one, these days." - -"I don't wonder your faith is gone," she observed. But she was talking -with one eye on a mirror. - -"Pink makes me pale," she said. "I'll bet the maid has a drawer full of -rouge. I'm going to see. How about a touch for you? You look ghastly." - -"I don't care how I look," I said, recklessly. "I think I'll sprain my -ankle and go home. Anyhow I am not allowed to use rouge." - -"Not allowed!" she observed. "What has that got to do with it? I don't -understand you, Bab; you are totally changed." - -"I am suffering," I said. I was to. - -Just then the maid brought me a folded note. Hannah was hanging up my -wraps, and did not see it. Jane's eyes fairly bulged. - -"I hope you have saved the cotillion for me," it said. And it was -signed. H----! - -"Good gracious," Jane said breathlessly. "Don't tell me he is here, and -that that's from him!" - -I had to swallow twice before I could speak. Then I said, solemnly: - -"He is here, Jane. He has followed me. I am going to dance the cotillion -with him although I shall probably be disinherited and thrown out into -the world, as a result." - -I have no recollection whatever of going down the staircase and into the -ballroom. Although I am considered rather brave, and once saved one of -the smaller girls from drowning, as I need not remind the school, when -she was skating on thin ice, I was frightened. I remember that, inside -the door, Jane said "Courage!" in a low tense voice, and that I stepped -on somebody's foot and said "Certainly" instead of apologizing. The -shock of that brought me around somewhat, and I managed to find Mrs. -Adams and Elaine, and not disgrace myself. Then somebody at my elbow -said: - -"All right, Barbara. Everything's fixed." - -It was Carter. - -"He's waiting in the corner over there," he said. "We'd better go -through the formality of an introduction. He's positively twittering -with excitement." - -"Carter" I said desperately. "I want to tell you something first. I've -got myself in an awful mess. I----" - -"Sure you have," he said. "That's why I'm here, to help you out. Now -you be calm, and there's no reason why you two can't have the evening of -your young lives. I wish I could fall in love. It must be bully." - -"Carter----!" - -"Got his note, didn't you?" - -"Yes, I----" - -"Here we are," said Carter. "Miss Archibald, I would like to present Mr. -Grosvenor." - -Somebody bowed in front of me, and then straightened up and looked down -at me. IT WAS THE MAN OF THE PICTURE, LITTLE MUSTACHE AND ALL. My mouth -went perfectly dry. - -It is all very well to talk about Romance and Love, and all that sort -of thing. But I have concluded that amorous experiences are not always -agreeable. And I have discovered something else. The moment anybody is -crazy about me I begin to hate him. It is curious, but I am like that. I -only care as long as they, or he, is far away. And the moment I touched -H's white kid glove, I knew I loathed him. - -"Now go to it, you two," Carter said in cautious tone. "Don't be -conspicuous. That's all." - -And he left us. - -"Suppose we dance this. Shall we?" said H. And the next moment we were -gliding off. He danced very well. I will say that. But at the time I was -too much occupied with hating him to care about dancing, or anything. -But I was compelled by my pride to see things through. We are a very -proud family and never show our troubles, though our hearts be torn -with anguish. - -"Think," he said, when we had got away from the band, "think of our -being together like this!" - -"It's not so surprising, is it? We've got to be together if we are -dancing." - -"Not that. Do you know, I never knew so long a day as this has been. The -thought of meeting you--er--again, and all that." - -"You needn't rave for my benefit," I said freezingly. "You know -perfectly well that you never saw me before." - -"Barbara! With your dear little letter in my breast pocket at this -moment!" - -"I didn't know men had breast pockets in their evening clothes." - -"Oh well, have it your own way. I'm too happy to quarrel," he said. "How -well you dance--only, let me lead, won't you? How strange it is to think -that we have never danced together before!" - -"We must have a talk," I said desperately. "Can't we go somewhere, away -from the noise?" - -"That would be conspicuous, wouldn't it, under the circumstances? If we -are to overcome the family objection to me, we'll have to be cautious, -Barbara." - -"Don't call me Barbara," I snapped. "I know perfectly well what you -think of me, and I----" - -"I think you are wonderful," he said. "Words fail me when I try to tell -you what I am thinking. You've saved the cotillion for me, haven't you? -If not, I'm going to claim it anyhow. IT IS MY RIGHT." - -He said it in the most determined manner, as if everything was settled. -I felt like a rat in a trap, and Carter, watching from a corner, looked -exactly like a cat. If he had taken his hand in its white glove and -washed his face with it, I would hardly have been surprised. - -The music stopped, and somebody claimed me for the next. Jane came up, -too, and clutched my arm. - -"You lucky thing!" she said. "He's perfectly handsome. And oh, Bab, he's -wild about you. I can see it in his eyes." - -"Don't pinch, Jane," I said coldly. "And don't rave. He's an idiot." - -She looked at me with her mouth open. - -"Well, if you don't want him, pass him on to me," she said, and walked -away. - -It was too silly, after everything that had happened, to dance the next -dance with Willie Graham, who is still in knickerbockers, and a full -head shorter than I am. But that's the way with a Party for the school -crowd, as I've said before. They ask all ages, from perambulators up, -and of course the little boys all want to dance with the older girls. It -is deadly stupid. - -But H seemed to be having a good time. He danced a lot with Jane, who -is a wretched dancer, with no sense of time whatever. Jane is not pretty, -but she has nice eyes, and I am not afraid, second cousin once removed -or no second cousin once removed, to say she used them. - -Altogether, it was a terrible evening. I danced three dances out of four -with knickerbockers, and one with old Mr. Adams, who is fat and rotates -his partner at the corners by swinging her on his waistcoat. Carter did -not dance at all, and every time I tried to speak to him he was taking a -crowd of the little girls to the fruit-punch bowl. - -I determined to have things out with H during the cotillion, and tell -him that I would never marry him, that I would die first. But I was -favored a great deal, and when we did have a chance the music was making -such a noise that I would have had to shout. Our chairs were next to the -band. - -But at last we had a minute, and I went out to the verandah, which was -closed in with awnings. He had to follow, of course, and I turned and -faced him. - -"Now" I said, "this has got to stop." - -"I don't understand you, Bab." - -"You do, perfectly well," I stormed. "I can't stand it. I am going -crazy." - -"Oh," he said slowly. "I see. I've been dancing too much with the -little girl with the eyes! Honestly, Bab, I was only doing it to disarm -suspicion. MY EVERY THOUGHT IS OF YOU." - -"I mean," I said, as firmly as I could, "that this whole thing has got -to stop. I can't stand it." - -"Am I to understand," he said solemnly, "that you intend to end -everything?" - -I felt perfectly wild and helpless. - -"After that Letter!" he went on. "After that sweet Letter! You said, you -know, that you were mad to see me, and that--it is almost too sacred -to repeat, even to YOU--that you would always love me. After that -Confession I refuse to agree that all is over. It can NEVER be over." - -"I daresay I am losing my mind," I said. "It all sounds perfectly -natural. But it doesn't mean anything. There CAN'T be any Harold -Valentine; because I made him up. But there is, so there must be. And I -am going crazy." - -"Look here," he stormed, suddenly quite raving, and throwing out his -right hand. It would have been terribly dramatic, only he had a glass of -punch in it. "I am not going to be played with. And you are not going to -jilt me without a reason. Do you mean to deny everything? Are you going -to say, for instance, that I never sent you any violets? Or gave you my -Photograph, with an--er--touching inscription on it?" Then, appealingly, -"You can't mean to deny that Photograph, Bab!" - -And then that lanky wretch of an Eddie Perkins brought me a toy balloon, -and I had to dance, with my heart crushed. - -Nevertheless, I ate a fair supper. I felt that I needed Strength. It was -quite a grown-up supper, with bullion and creamed chicken and baked ham -and sandwiches, among other things. But of course they had to show it -was a 'kid' party, after all. For instead of coffee we had milk. - -Milk! When I was going through a tragedy. For if it is not a tragedy -to be engaged to a man one never saw before, what is it? - -All through the refreshments I could feel that his eyes were on me. And -I hated him. It was all well enough for Jane to say he was handsome. She -wasn't going to have to marry him. I detest dimples in chins. I always -have. And anybody could see that it was his first mustache, and -soft, and that he took it round like a mother pushing a new baby in a -perambulator. It was sickening. - -I left just after supper. He did not see me when I went upstairs, but -he had missed me, for when Hannah and I came down, he was at the door, -waiting. Hannah was loaded down with silly favors, and lagged behind, -which gave him a chance to speak to me. I eyed him coldly and tried to -pass him, but I had no chance. - -"I'll see you tomorrow, DEAREST," he whispered. - -"Not if I can help it," I said, looking straight ahead. Hannah had -dropped a stocking--not her own. One of the Christmas favors--and was -fumbling about for it. - -"You are tired and unnerved to-night, Bab. When I have seen your father -tomorrow, and talked to him----" - -"Don't you dare to see my father." - -"----and when he has agreed to what I propose," he went on, without -paying any attention to what I had said, "you will be calmer. We can plan -things." - -Hannah came puffing up then, and he helped us into the motor. He was -very careful to see that we were covered with the robes, and he tucked -Hannah's feet in. She was awfully flattered. Old Fool! And she babbled -about him until I wanted to slap her. - -"He's a nice young man. Miss Bab," she said. "That is, if he's the One. -And he has nice manners. So considerate. Many a party I've taken your -sister to, and never before----" - -"I wish you'd shut up, Hannah," I said. "He's a pig, and I hate him." - -She sulked after that, and helped me out of my things at home without a -word. When I was in bed, however, and she was hanging up my clothes, she -said: - -"I don't know what's got into you, Miss Barbara. You are that cross that -there's no living with you." - -"Oh, go away," I said. - -"And what's more," she added, "I don't know but what your mother ought -to know about these goings on. You're only a little girl, with all your -high and mightiness, and there's going to be no scandal in this family -if I can help it." - -I put the bedclothes over my head, and she went out. - -But of course I could not sleep. Sis was not home yet, or mother, and I -went into Sis's room and got a novel from her table. It was the story of -a woman who had married a man in a hurry, and without really loving him, -and when she had been married a year, and hated the very way her husband -drank his coffee and cut the ends off his cigars, she found some one she -really loved with her whole heart. And it was too late. But she wrote -him one letter, the other man, you know, and it caused a lot of trouble. -So she said--I remember the very words-- - -"Half the troubles in the world are caused by letters. Emotions are -changeable things"--this was after she had found that she really loved -her husband after all, but he had had to shoot himself before she found -it out, although not fatally--"but the written word does not change. It -remains always, embodying a dead truth and giving it apparent life. No -woman should ever put her thoughts on paper." - -She got the letter back, but she had to steal it. And it turned out that -the other man had really only wanted her money all the time. - -That story was a real illumination to me. I shall have a great deal of -money when I am of age, from my grandmother. I saw it all. It was a trap -sure enough. And if I was to get out I would have to have the letter. - -IT WAS THE LETTER THAT PUT ME IN HIS POWER. - -The next day was Christmas. I got a lot of things, including the necklace, -and a mending basket from Sis, with the hope that it would make me -tidy, and father had bought me a set of silver fox, which mother -did not approve of, it being too expensive for a young girl to wear, -according to her. I must say that for an hour or two I was happy enough. - -But the afternoon was terrible. We keep open house on Xmas afternoon, -and father makes a champagne punch, and somebody pours tea, although -nobody drinks it, and there are little cakes from the club, and the -house is decorated with poinsettias. - -At eleven o'clock the mail came in, and mother sorted it over, while -father took a gold piece out to the post-man. - -There were about a million cards, and mother glanced at the addresses -and passed them round. But suddenly she frowned. There was a small -parcel, addressed to me. - -"This looks like a gift, Barbara," she said. And proceeded to open it. - -My heart skipped two beats, and then hammered. Mother's mouth was set as -she tore off the paper and opened the box. There was a card, which she -glanced at, and underneath, was a book of poems. - -"Love Lyrics," said mother, in a terrible voice. "To Barbara, from -H----" - -"Mother----" I began, in an earnest tone. - -"A child of mine receiving such a book from a man!" she went on. -"Barbara, I am speechless." - -But she was not speechless. If she was speechless for the next half -hour, I would hate to hear her really converse. And all that I could do -was to bear it. For I had made a Frankenstein--see the book read last -term by the Literary Society--not out of grave-yard fragments, but from -malted milk tablets, so to speak, and now it was pursuing me to an early -grave. For I felt that I simply could not continue to live. - -"Now--where does he live?" - -"I--don't know, mother." - -"You sent him a letter." - -"I don't know where he lives, anyhow." - -"Leila," mother said, "will you ask Hannah to bring my smelling salts?" - -"Aren't you going to give me the book?" I asked. "It--it sounds -interesting." - -"You are shameless," mother said, and threw the thing into the fire. A -good many of my things seemed to be going into the fire at that time. I -cannot help wondering what they would have done if it had all happened -in the summer, and no fires burning. They would have felt quite -helpless, I imagine. - -Father came back just then, but he did not see the book, which was then -blazing with a very hot red flame. I expected mother to tell him, and I -daresay I should not have been surprised to see my furs follow the book. -I had got into the way of expecting to see things burning that do not -belong in a fireplace. But mother did not tell him. - - -I have thought over this a great deal, and I believe that now I -understand. Mother was unjustly putting the blame for everything on this -School, and mother had chosen the School. My father had not been much -impressed by the catalog. "Too much dancing room and not enough tennis -courts," he had said. This, of course, is my father's opinion. Not mine. - -The real reason, then, for mother's silence was that she disliked -confessing that she made a mistake in her choice of a School. - -I ate very little luncheon and my only comfort was my seed pearls. I was -wearing them, for fear the door-bell would ring, and a letter or flowers -would arrive from H. In that case I felt quite sure that someone, in a -frenzy, would burn the pearls also. - -The afternoon was terrible. It rained solid sheets, and Patrick, the -butler, gave notice three hours after he had received his Christmas -presents, on account of not being let off for early mass. - -But my father's punch is famous, and people came, and stood around and -buzzed, and told me I had grown and was almost a young lady. And Tommy -Gray got out of his cradle and came to call on me, and coughed all the -time, with a whoop. He developed the whooping cough later. He had on his -first long trousers, and a pair of lavender socks and a tie to match. He -said they were not exactly the same shade, but he did not think it would -be noticed. Hateful child! - -At half past five, when the place was jammed, I happened to look up. -Carter Brooks was in the hall, and behind him was H. He had seen me -before I saw him, and he had a sort of sickly grin, meant to denote -joy. I was talking to our bishop at the time, and he was asking me what -sort of services we had in the school chapel. - -I meant to say "non-sectarian," but in my surprise and horror I regret -to say that I said, "vegetarian." Carter Brooks came over to me like a -cat to a saucer of milk, and pulled me off into a corner. - -"It's all right," he said. "I phoned mama, and she said to bring him. -He's known as Grosvenor here, of course. They'll never suspect a thing. -Now, do I get a small 'thank you'?" - -"I won't see him." - -"Now look here, Bab," he protested, "you two have got to make this thing -up You are a pair of idiots, quarreling over nothing. Poor old Hal is -all broken up. He's sensitive. You've got to remember how sensitive he -is." - -"Go, away" I cried, in broken tones. "Go away, and take him with you." - -"Not until he had spoken to your Father," he observed, setting his jaw. -"He's here for that, and you know it. You can't play fast and loose with -a man, you know." - -"Don't you dare to let him speak to father!" - -He shrugged his shoulders. - -"That's between you two, of course," he said. "It's not up to me. Tell -him yourself, if you've changed your mind. I don't intend," he went on, -impressively, "to have any share in ruining his life." - -"Oh piffle," I said. I am aware that this is slang, and does not belong -in a theme. But I was driven to saying it. - -I got through the crowd by using my elbows. I am afraid I gave -the bishop quite a prod, and I caught Mr. Andrews on his rotating -waistcoat. But I was desperate. - -Alas, I was too late. - -The caterer's man, who had taken Patrick's place in a hurry, was at the -punch bowl, and father was gone. I was just in time to see him take H. -into his library and close the door. - -Here words fail me. I knew perfectly well that beyond that door H, whom -I had invented and who therefore simply did not exist, was asking for my -hand. I made up my mind at once to run away and go on the stage, and -I had even got part way up the stairs, when I remembered that, with -a dollar for the picture and five dollars for the violets and three -dollars for the hat pin I had given Sis, and two dollars and a quarter -for mother's handkerchief case, I had exactly a dollar and seventy-five -cents in the world. - -I WAS TRAPPED. - -I went up to my room, and sat and waited. Would father be violent, and -throw H. out and then come upstairs, pale with fury and disinherit me? -Or would the whole family conspire together, when the people had gone, -and send me to a convent? I made up my mind, if it was the convent, to -take the veil and be a nun. I would go to nurse lepers, or something, -and then, when it was too late, they would be sorry. - -The stage or the convent, nun or actress? Which? - -I left the door open, but there was only the sound of revelry below. -I felt then that it was to be the convent. I pinned a towel around my -face, the way the nuns wear whatever they call them, and from the side -it was very becoming. I really did look like Julia Marlowe, especially as -my face was very sad and tragic. - -At something before seven every one had gone, and I heard Sis and mother -come upstairs to dress for dinner. I sat and waited, and when I heard -father I got cold all over. But he went on by, and I heard him go into -mother's room and close the door. Well, I knew I had to go through with -it, although my life was blasted. So I dressed and went downstairs. - -Father was the first down. HE CAME DOWN WHISTLING. - -It is perfectly true. I could not believe my ears. - -He approached me with a smiling face. - -"Well, Bab," he said, exactly as if nothing had happened, "have you had -a nice day?" - -He had the eyes of a basilisk, that creature of fable. - -"I've had a lovely day, Father," I replied. I could be basilisk-ish -also. - -There is a mirror over the drawing room mantle, and he turned me around -until we both faced it. - -"Up to my ears," he said, referring to my height. "And lovers already! -Well, I daresay we must make up our minds to lose you." - -"I won't be lost," I declared, almost violently. "Of course, if you -intend to shove me off your hands, to the first idiot who comes along -and pretends a lot of stuff, I----" - -"My dear child!" said father, looking surprised. "Such an outburst! All -I was trying to say, before your mother comes down, is that I--well, -that I understand and that I shall not make my little girl unhappy -by--er--by breaking her heart." - -"Just what do you mean by that, father?" - -He looked rather uncomfortable, being one who hates to talk sentiment. - -"It's like this, Barbara," he said. "If you want to marry this young -man--and you have made it very clear that you do--I am going to see that -you do it. You are young, of course, but after all your dear mother was -not much older than you are when I married her." - -"Father!" I cried, from an over-flowing heart. - -"I have noticed that you are not happy, Barbara," he said. "And I shall -not thwart you, or allow you to be thwarted. In affairs of the heart, -you are to have your own way." - -"I want to tell you something!" I cried. "I will NOT be cast off! I----" - -"Tut, tut," said Father. "Who is casting you off? I tell you that I -like the young man, and give you my blessing, or what is the present-day -equivalent for it, and you look like a figure of tragedy!" - -But I could endure no more. My own father had turned on me and was -rending me, so to speak. With a breaking heart and streaming eyes I flew -to my chamber. - -There, for hours I paced the floor. - -Never, I determined, would I marry H. Better death, by far. He was a -scheming fortune-hunter, but to tell the family that was to confess all. -And I would never confess. I would run away before I gave Sis such a -chance at me. I would run away, but first I would kill Carter Brooks. - -Yes, I was driven to thoughts of murder. It shows how the first false -step leads down and down, to crime and even to death. Oh never, never, -gentle reader, take that first false step. Who knows to what it may -lead! - -"One false Step is never retrieved." Gray--On a Favorite Cat. - -I reflected also on how the woman in the book had ruined her life with -a letter. "The written word does not change," she had said. "It remains -always, embodying a dead truth and giving it apparent life." - -"Apparent life" was exactly what my letter had given to H. Frankenstein. -That was what I called him, in my agony. I felt that if only I had never -written the Letter there would have been no trouble. And another awful -thought came to me: Was there an H after all? Could there be an H? - -Once the French teacher had taken us to the theater in New York, and a -woman sitting on a chair and covered with a sheet, had brought a man out -of a perfectly empty cabinet, by simply willing to do it. The cabinet -was empty, for four respectable looking men went up and examined it, and -one even measured it with a Tape-measure. - -She had materialized him, out of nothing. - -And while I had had no cabinet, there are many things in this world -"that we do not dream of in our philosophy." Was H. a real person, or -a creature of my disordered brain? In plain and simple language, COULD -THERE BE SUCH A PERSON? - -I feared not. - -And if there was no H, really, and I married him, where would I be? - -There was a ball at the Club that night, and the family all went. No -one came to say good-night to me, and by half past ten I was alone with -my misery. I knew Carter Brooks would be at the ball, and H also, very -likely, dancing around as agreeably as if he really existed, and I had -not made him up. - -I got the book from Sis's room again, and re-read it. The woman in it -had been in great trouble, too, with her husband cleaning his revolver -and making his will. And at last she had gone to the apartments of the -man who had her letters, in a taxicab covered with a heavy veil, and had -got them back. He had shot himself when she returned--the husband--but -she burned the letters and then called a doctor, and he was saved. Not -the doctor, of course. The husband. - -The villain's only hold on her had been the letters, so he went to South -Africa and was gored by an elephant, thus passing out of her life. - -Then and there I knew that I would have to get my letter back from H. -Without it he was powerless. The trouble was that I did not know where -he was staying. Even if he came out of a cabinet, the cabinet would have -to be somewhere, would it not? - -I felt that I would have to meet guile with guile. And to steal one's own -letter is not really stealing. Of course if he was visiting any one and -pretending to be a real person, I had no chance in the world. But if he -was stopping at a hotel I thought I could manage. The man in the book -had had an apartment, with a Japanese servant, who went away and drew -plans of American forts in the kitchen and left the woman alone with the -desk containing the letter. But I daresay that was unusually lucky and -not the sort of thing to look forward to. - -With me, to think is to act. Hannah was out, it being Christmas and her -brother-in-law having a wake, being dead, so I was free to do anything I -wanted to. - -First I called the club and got Carter Brooks on the telephone. - -"Carter," I said, "I--I am writing a letter. Where is--where does H. -stay?" - -"Who?" - -"H.--Mr. Grosvenor." - -"Why, bless your ardent little heart! Writing, are you? It's sublime, -Bab!" - -"Where does he live?" - -"And is it all alone you are, on Christmas Night!" he burbled. (This is a -word from Alice in Wonder Land, and although not in the dictionary, is -quite expressive.) - -"Yes," I replied, bitterly. "I am old enough to be married off without -my consent, but I am not old enough for a real Ball. It makes me sick." - -"I can smuggle him here, if you want to talk to him." - -"Smuggle!" I said, with scorn. "There is no need to smuggle him. The -family is crazy about him. They are flinging me at him." - -"Well, that's nice," he said. "Who'd have thought it! Shall I bring him -to the 'phone?" - -"I don't want to talk to him. I hate him." - -"Look here," he observed, "if you keep that up, he'll begin to believe -you. Don't take these little quarrels too hard, Barbara. He's so happy -to-night in the thought that you----" - -"Does he live in a cabinet, or where?" - -"In a what? I don't get that word." - -"Don't bother. Where shall I send his letter?" - -Well, it seemed he had an apartment at the arcade, and I rang off. It -was after eleven by that time, and by the time I had got into my school -mackintosh and found a heavy veil of mother's and put it on, it was -almost half past. - -The house was quiet, and as Patrick had gone, there was no one around in -the lower hall. I slipped out and closed the door behind me, and -looked for a taxicab, but the veil was so heavy that I hailed our own -limousine, and Smith had drawn up at the curb before I knew him. - -"Where to, lady?" he said. "This is a private car, but I'll take you -anywhere in the city for a dollar." - -A flush of just indignation rose to my cheek, at the knowledge that -Smith was using our car for a taxicab! And just as I was about to speak -to him severely, and threaten to tell father, I remembered, and walked -away. - -"Make it seventy-five cents," he called after me. But I went on. It was -terrible to think that Smith could go on renting our car to all sorts of -people, covered with germs and everything, and that I could never report -it to the family. - -I got a real taxi at last, and got out at the arcade, giving the man a -quarter, although ten cents would have been plenty as a tip. - -I looked at him, and I felt that he could be trusted. - -"This," I said, holding up the money, "is the price of silence." - -But if he was trustworthy he was not subtle, and he said: - -"The what, miss?" - -"If any one asks if you have driven me here, YOU HAVE NOT" I explained, -in an impressive manner. - -He examined the quarter, even striking a match to look at it. Then he -replied: "I have not!" and drove away. - -Concealing my nervousness as best I could, I entered the doomed -building. There was only a hall boy there, asleep in the elevator, and -I looked at the thing with the names on it. "Mr. Grosvenor" was on the -fourth floor. - -I wakened the boy, and he yawned and took me to the fourth floor. My -hands were stiff with nervousness by that time, but the boy was half -asleep, and evidently he took me for some one who belonged there, for -he said "Goodnight" to me, and went on down. There was a square landing -with two doors, and "Grosvenor" was on one. I tried it gently. It was -unlocked. - -"FACILUS DESCENSUS IN AVERNU." - -I am not defending myself. What I did was the result of desperation. -But I cannot even write of my sensations as I stepped through that fatal -portal, without a sinking of the heart. I had, however, had sufficient -foresight to prepare an alibi. In case there was someone present in the -apartment I intended to tell a falsehood, I regret to confess, and to say -that I had got off at the wrong floor. - -There was a sort of hall, with a clock and a table, and a shaded -electric lamp, and beyond that the door was open into a sitting room. - -There was a small light burning there, and the remains of a wood fire in -the fireplace. There was no cabinet however. - -Everything was perfectly quiet, and I went over to the fire and warmed -my hands. My nails were quite blue, but I was strangely calm. I took off -mother's veil, and my mackintosh, so I would be free to work, and I then -looked around the room. There were a number of photographs of rather -smart looking girls, and I curled my lip scornfully. He might have -fooled them but he could not deceive me. And it added to my bitterness -to think that at that moment the villain was dancing--and flirting -probably--while I was driven to actual theft to secure the letter that -placed me in his power. - -When I had stopped shivering I went to his desk. There were a lot of -letters on the top, all addressed to him as Grosvenor. It struck me -suddenly as strange that if he was only visiting, under an assumed name, -in order to see me, that so many people should be writing to him as Mr. -Grosvenor. And it did not look like the room of a man who was visiting, -unless he took a freight car with him on his travels. - -THERE WAS A MYSTERY. All at once I knew it. - -My letter was not on the desk, so I opened the top drawer. It seemed to -be full of bills, and so was the one below it. I had just started on the -third drawer, when a terrible thing happened. - -"Hello!" said some one behind me. - -I turned my head slowly, and my heart stopped. - -THE PORTERES INTO THE PASSAGE HAD OPENED, AND A GENTLEMAN IN HIS EVENING -CLOTHES WAS STANDING THERE. - -"Just sit still, please," he said, in a perfectly cold voice. And he -turned and locked the door into the hall. I was absolutely unable to -speak. I tried once, but my tongue hit the roof of my mouth like the -clapper of a bell. - -"Now," he said, when he had turned around. "I wish you would tell me -some good reason why I should not hand you over to the police." - -"Oh, please don't!" I said. - -"That's eloquent. But not a reason. I'll sit down and give you a little -time. I take it, you did not expect to find me here." - -"I'm in the wrong apartment. That's all," I said. "Maybe you'll think -that's an excuse and not a reason. I can't help it if you do." - -"Well," he said, "that explains some things. It's pretty well known, I -fancy, that I have little worth stealing, except my good name." - -"I was not stealing," I replied in a sulky manner. - -"I beg your pardon," he said. "It IS an ugly word. We will strike it -from the record. Would you mind telling me whose apartment you intended -to--er--investigate? If this is the wrong one, you know." - -"I was looking for a letter." - -"Letters, letters!" he said. "When will you women learn not to write -letters. Although"--he looked at me closely--"you look rather young for -that sort of thing." He sighed. "It's born in you, I daresay," he said. - -Well, for all his patronizing ways, he was not very old himself. - -"Of course," he said, "if you are telling the truth--and it sounds -fishy, I must say--it's hardly a police matter, is it? It's rather one -for diplomacy. But can you prove what you say?" - -"My word should be sufficient," I replied stiffly. "How do I know that -YOU belong here?" - -"Well, you don't, as a matter of fact. Suppose you take my word for -that, and I agree to believe what you say about the wrong apartment, -Even then it's rather unusual. I find a pale and determined looking -young lady going through my desk in a business-like manner. She says she -has come for a letter. Now the question is, is there a letter? If so, -what letter?" - -"It is a love letter," I said. - -"Don't blush over such a confession," he said. "If it is true, be proud -of it. Love is a wonderful thing. Never be ashamed of being in love, my -child." - -"I am not in love," I cried with bitter fury. - -"Ah! Then it is not YOUR letter!" - -"I wrote it." - -"But to simulate a passion that does not exist--that is sacrilege. It -is----" - -"Oh, stop talking," I cried, in a hunted tone. "I can't bear it. If you -are going to arrest me, get it over." - -"I'd rather NOT arrest you, if we can find a way out. You look so young, -so new to crime! Even your excuse for being here is so naive, that -I--won't you tell me why you wrote a love letter, if you are not in -love? And whom you sent it to? That's important, you see, as it bears -on the case. I intend," he said, "to be judicial, unimpassioned, and -quite fair." - -"I wrote a love letter" I explained, feeling rather cheered, "but it was -not intended for any one, Do you see? It was just a love letter." - -"Oh," he said. "Of course. It is often done. And after that?" - -"Well, it had to go somewhere. At least I felt that way about it. So I -made up a name from some malted milk tablets----" - -"Malted milk tablets!" he said, looking bewildered. - -"Just as I was thinking up a name to send it to," I explained, -"Hannah--that's mother's maid, you know--brought in some hot milk and -some malted milk tablets, and I took the name from them." - -"Look here," he said, "I'm unprejudiced and quite calm, but isn't the -'mother's maid' rather piling it on?" - -"Hannah is mother's maid, and she brought in the milk and the tablets, -I should think," I said, growing sarcastic, "that so far it is clear to -the dullest mind." - -"Go on," he said, leaning back and closing his eyes. "You named the -letter for your mother's maid--I mean for the malted milk. Although you -have not yet stated the name you chose; I never heard of any one named -Milk, and as to the other, while I have known some rather thoroughly -malted people--however, let that go." - -"Valentine's tablets," I said. "Of course, you understand," I said, -bending forward, "there was no such person. I made him up. The Harold -was made up too--Harold Valentine." - -"I see. Not clearly, perhaps, but I have a gleam of intelligence." - -"But, after all, there was such a person. That's clear, isn't it? And -now he considers that we are engaged, and--and he insists on marrying -me." - -"That," he said, "is really easy to understand. I don't blame him at all. -He is clearly a person of discernment." - -"Of course," I said bitterly, "you would be on HIS side. Every one is." - -"But the point is this," he went on. "If you made him up out of the -whole cloth, as it were, and there was no such person, how can there -be such a person? I am merely asking to get it all clear in my head. It -sounds so reasonable when you say it, but there seems to be something -left out." - -"I don't know how he can be, but he is," I said, hopelessly. "And he is -exactly like his picture." - -"Well, that's not unusual, you know." - -"It is in this case. Because I bought the picture in a shop, and just -pretended it was him. (He?) And it WAS." - -He got up and paced the floor. - -"It's a very strange case," he said. "Do you mind if I light a -cigarette? It helps to clear my brain. What was the name you gave him?" - -"Harold Valentine. But he is here under another name, because of my -family. They think I am a mere child, you see, and so of course he took -a NOM DE PLUME." - -"A NOM DE PLUME? Oh I see! What is it?" - -"Grosvenor," I said. "The same as yours." - -"There's another Grosvenor in the building, That's where the trouble -came in, I suppose, Now let me get this straight. You wrote a letter, -and somehow or other he got it, and now you want it back. Stripped of -the things that baffle my intelligence, that's it, isn't it?" - -I rose in excitement. - -"Then, if he lives in the building, the letter is probably here. Why -can't you go and get it for me?" - -"Very neat! And let you slip away while I am gone?" - -I saw that he was still uncertain that I was telling him the truth. It -was maddening. And only the Letter itself could convince him. - -"Oh, please try to get it," I cried, almost weeping. "You can lock me in -here, if you are afraid I will run away. And he is out. I know he is. He -is at the club ball." - -"Naturally," he said "the fact that you are asking me to compound a -felony, commit larceny, and be an accessory after the fact does not -trouble you. As I told you before, all I have left is my good name, and -now----!" - -"Please!" I said. - -He stared down at me. - -"Certainly," he said. "Asked in that tone, murder would be one of the -easiest things I do. But I shall lock you in." - -"Very well," I said meekly. And after I had described it--the letter--to -him he went out. - -I had won, but my triumph was but sackcloth and ashes in my mouth. I had -won, but at what a cost! Ah, how I wished that I might live again the -past few days! That I might never have started on my path of deception! -Or that, since my intentions at the start had been so innocent, I had -taken another photograph at the shop, which I had fancied considerably -but had heartlessly rejected because of no mustache. - -He was gone for a long time, and I sat and palpitated. For what if H. -had returned early and found him and called in the police? - -But the latter had not occurred, for at ten minutes after one he came -back, entering by the window from a fire-escape, and much streaked with -dirt. - -"Narrow escape, dear child!" he observed, locking the window and drawing -the shade. "Just as I got it, your--er--gentleman friend returned and -fitted his key in the lock. I am not at all sure," he said, wiping his -hands with his handkerchief, "that he will not regard the open window -as a suspicious circumstance. He may be of a low turn of mind. However, -all's well that ends here in this room. Here it is." - -I took it, and my heart gave a great leap of joy. I was saved. - -"Now," he said, "we'll order a taxicab and get you home. And while it is -coming suppose you tell me the thing over again. It's not as clear to me -as it ought to be, even now." - -So then I told him--about not being out yet, and Sis having flowers sent -her, and her room done over, and never getting to bed until dawn. -And that they treated me like a mere child, which was the reason for -everything, and about the poem, which he considered quite good. And then -about the letter. - -"I get the whole thing a bit clearer now," he said. "Of course, it -is still cloudy in places. The making up somebody to write to is -understandable, under the circumstances. But it is odd to have had the -very person materialize, so to speak. It makes me wonder--well, how -about burning the letter, now we've got it? It would be better, I think. -The way things have been going with you, if we don't destroy it, it is -likely to walk off into somebody else's pocket and cause more trouble." - -So we burned it, and then the telephone rang and said the taxi was -there. - -"I'll get my coat and be ready in a jiffy," he said, "and maybe we can -smuggle you into the house and no one the wiser. We'll try anyhow." - -He went into the other room and I sat by the fire and thought. You -remember that when I was planning Harold Valentine, I had imagined him -with a small, dark mustache, and deep, passionate eyes? Well, this -Mr. Grosvenor had both, or rather, all three. And he had the loveliest -smile, with no dimple. He was, I felt, exactly the sort of man I could -die for. - -It was too tragic that, with all the world to choose from, I had not -taken him instead of H. - -We walked downstairs, so as not to give the elevator boy a chance to -talk, he said. But he was asleep again, and we got to the street and to -the taxicab without being seen. - -Oh, I was very cheerful. When I think of it--but I might have known, all -along. Nothing went right with me that week. - -Just before we got to the house he said: - -"Goodnight and goodbye, little Barbara. I'll never forget you and this -evening. And save me a dance at your coming-out party. I'll be there." - -I held out my hand, and he took it and kissed it. It was all perfectly -thrilling. And then we drew up in front of the house and he helped me -out, and my entire family had just got out of the motor and was lined -up on the pavement staring at us! - -"All right, are you?" he said, as coolly as if they had not been -anywhere in sight. "Well, good night and good luck!" And he got into the -taxicab and drove away, leaving me in the hands of the enemy. - -The next morning I was sent back to school. They never gave me a chance -to explain, for mother went into hysterics, after accusing me of having -men dangling around waiting at every corner. They had to have a doctor, -and things were awful. - -The only person who said anything was Sis. She came to my room that -night when I was in bed, and stood looking down at me. She was very -angry, but there was a sort of awe in her eyes. - -"My hat's off to you, Barbara," she said. "Where in the world do you -pick them all up? Things must have changed at school since I was there." - -"I'm sick to death of the other sex," I replied languidly. "It's no -punishment to send me away. I need a little piece and quiet." And I did. - - -CONCLUSION: - -All this holiday week, while the girls are away, I have been writing -this theme, for literature class. To-day is New Years and I am putting -in the finishing touches. I intend to have it typed in the village and -to send a copy to father, who I think will understand, and another copy, -but with a few lines cut, to Mr. Grosvenor. The nice one. There were -some things he did not quite understand, and this will explain. - -I shall also send a copy to Carter Brooks, who came out handsomely with -an apology this morning in a letter and a ten pound box of candy. - -His letter explains everything. H. is a real person and did not come -out of a cabinet. Carter recognized the photograph as being one of a -Mr. Grosvenor he went to college with, who had gone on the stage and -was playing in a stock company at home. Only they were not playing -Christmas week, as business, he says, is rotten then. When he saw me -writing the letter he felt that it was all a bluff, especially as he had -seen me sending myself the violets at the florists. - -So he got Mr. Grosvenor, the blonde one, to pretend he was Harold -Valentine. Only things slipped up. I quote from Carter's letter: - - -"He's a bully chap, Bab, and he went into it for a lark, roses and poems -and all. But when he saw that you took it rather hard, he felt it wasn't -square. He went to your father to explain and apologized, but your -father seemed to think you needed a lesson. He's a pretty good sport, -your father. And he said to let it go on for a day or two. A little -worry wouldn't hurt you." - - -However, I do not call it being a good sport to see one's daughter -perfectly wretched and do nothing to help. And more than that, to -willfully permit one's child to suffer, and enjoy it. - -But it was father, after all, who got the jolt, I think, when he saw me -get out of the taxicab. - -Therefore I will not explain, for a time. A little worry will not hurt -him either. - -I will not send him his copy for a week. - -Perhaps, after all, I will give him something to worry about eventually. -For I have received a box of roses, with no card, but a pen and ink -drawing of a gentleman in evening clothes crawling onto a fire-escape -through an open window. He has dropped his heart, and it is two floors -below. - -My narrative has now come to a conclusion, and I will close with a few -reflections drawn from my own sad and tragic Experience. I trust the -girls of this school will ponder and reflect. - -Deception is a very sad thing. It starts very easy, and without warning, -and everything seems to be going all right, and no rocks ahead. When -suddenly the breakers loom up, and your frail vessel sinks, with you on -board, and maybe your dear ones, dragged down with you. - - Oh, what a tangled Web we weave, - When first we practice to deceive. - Sir Walter Scott. - - - - -CHAPTER II. THEME: THE CELEBRITY - - -We have been requested to write, during this vacation, a true and -veracious account of a meeting with any celebrity we happened to meet -during the summer. If no celebrity, any interesting character would do, -excepting one's own family. - -But as one's own family is neither celebrated nor interesting, there is -no temptation to write about it. - -As I met Mr. Reginald Beecher this summer, I have chosen him as my -subject. - -Brief history of the Subject: He was born in 1890 at Woodbury, N. J. -Attended public high schools, and in 1910 graduated from Princeton -University. - -Following year produced first Play in New York, called Her Soul. -Followed this by the Soul Mate, and this by The Divorce. - -Description of Subject. Mr. Beecher is tall and slender, and wears a -very small dark Mustache. Although but twenty-six years of age, his hair -on close inspection reveals here and there a silver thread. His teeth -are good, and his eyes amber, with small flecks of brown in them. He has -been vaccinated twice. - -It has always been one of my chief ambitions to meet a celebrity. On one -or two occasions we have had them at school, but they never sit at the -Junior's table. Also, they are seldom connected with either the Drama -or The Movies (a slang term but apparently taking a place in our -literature). - -It was my intention, on being given this subject for my midsummer theme, -to seek out Mrs. Bainbridge, a lady author who has a cottage across the -bay from ours, and to ask the privilege of sitting at her feet for a few -hours, basking in the sunshine of her presence, and learning from her -own lips her favorite Flower, her favorite Poem and the favorite child -of her brain. - - Of all those arts in which the wise excel, - Nature's chief masterpiece is writing well. - Duke of Buckingham - -I had meant to write my theme on her, but I learned in time that she -was forty years of age. Her work is therefore done. She has passed her -active years, and I consider that it is not the past of American Letters -which is at stake, but the future. Besides, I was more interested in the -drama than in literature. - -Possibly it is owing to the fact that the girls think I resemble Julia -Marlowe, that from my earliest years my mind has been turned toward the -stage. I am very determined and fixed in my ways, and with me to decide -to do a thing is to decide to do it. I am not of a romantic nature, -however, and as I learned of the dangers of the theater, I drew back. -Even a strong nature, such as mine is, on occasions, can be influenced. -I therefore decided to change my plans, and to write plays instead of -acting in them. - -At first I meant to write comedies, but as I realized the gravity -of life, and its bitterness and disappointments, I turned naturally to -tragedy. Surely, as dear Shakespeare says: - - The world is a stage - Where every man must play a part, - And mine a sad one. - -This explains my sincere interest in Mr. Beecher. His works were all -realistic and sad. I remember that I saw the first one three years ago, -when a mere child, and became violently ill from crying and had to be -taken home. - -The school will recall that last year I wrote a play, patterned on The -Divorce, and that only a certain narrowness of view on the part of the -faculty prevented it being the class play. If I may be permitted to -express an opinion, we of the class of 1917 are not children, and should -not be treated as such. - -Encouraged by the applause of my class-mates, and feeling that I was of -a more serious turn of mind than most of them, who seem to think of -pleasure only, I decided to write a play during the summer. I would -thus be improving my vacation hours, and, I considered, keeping out of -mischief. It was pure idleness which had caused my trouble during the -last Christmas holidays. How true it is that the devil finds work for -idle hands! - -With a play and this theme I believed that the devil would give me up as -a total loss, and go elsewhere. - -How little we can read the future! - -I now proceed to an account of my meeting and acquaintance with Mr. -Beecher. It is my intention to conceal nothing. I can only comfort -myself with the thought that my motives were innocent, and that I was -obeying orders and securing material for a theme. I consider that the -attitude of my family is wrong and cruel, and that my sister Leila, -being only 20 months older, although out in society, has no need to -write me the sort of letters she has been writing. Twenty months is -twenty months, and not two years, although she seems to think it is. - -I returned home full of happy plans for my vacation. When I look back it -seems strange that the gay and innocent young girl of the train can have -been! So much that is tragic has since happened. If I had not had a -cinder in my eye things would have been different. But why repine? Fate -frequently hangs thus on a single hair--an eye-lash, as one may say. - -Father met me at the train. I had got the aforementioned cinder in my -eye, and a very nice young man had taken it out for me. I still cannot -see what harm there was in our chatting together after that, especially as -we said nothing to object to. But father looked very disagreeable about -it, and the young man went away in a hurry. But it started us off wrong, -although I got him--father--to promise not to tell mother. - -"I do wish you would be more careful, Bab," he said with a sort of sigh. - -"Careful!" I said. "Then it's not doing things, but being found out, -that matters!" - -"Careful in your conduct, Bab." - -"He was a beautiful young man, father," I observed, slipping my arm -through his. - -"Barbara, Barbara! Your poor mother----" - -"Now look here, father" I said. "If it was mother who was interested in -him it might be troublesome. But it is only me. And I warn you, here and -now, that I expect to be thrilled at the sight of a nice young man right -along. It goes up my back and out the roots of my hair." - -Well, my father is a real person, so he told me to talk sense, and gave -me twenty dollars, and agreed to say nothing about the young man to -mother, if I would root for Canada against the Adirondacks for the -summer, because of the fishing. - -Mother was waiting in the hall for me, but she held me off with both -hands. - -"Not until you have bathed and changed your clothing, Barbara," she -said. "I have never had it." - -She meant the whooping cough. The school will recall the epidemic which -ravaged us last June, and changed us from a peaceful institution to what -sounded like a dog show. - -Well, I got the same old room, not much fixed up, but they had put up -different curtains anyhow, thank goodness. I had been hinting all spring -for new furniture, but my family does not take a hint unless it is -chloroformed first, and I found the same old stuff there. - -They believe in waiting until a girl makes her debut before giving her -anything but the necessities of life. - -Sis was off for a week-end, but Hannah was there, and I kissed her. Not -that I'm so fond of her, but I had to kiss somebody. - -"Well, Miss Barbara!" she said. "How you've grown!" - -That made me rather sore, because I am not a child any longer, but they -all talk to me as if I were but six years old, and small for my age. - -"I've stopped growing, Hannah," I said, with dignity. "At least, almost. -But I see I still draw the nursery." - -Hannah was opening my suitcase, and she looked up and said: "I tried to -get you the blue room, Miss Bab. But Miss Leila said she needed it for -house parties." - -"Never mind," I said. "I don't care anything about furniture. I have -other things to think about, Hannah; I want the school room desk up -here." - -"Desk!" she said, with her jaw drooping. - -"I am writing now," I said. "I need a lot of ink, and paper, and a good -lamp. Let them keep the blue room, Hannah, for their selfish purposes. I -shall be happy in my work. I need nothing more." - -"Writing!" said Hannah. "Is it a book you're writing?" - -"A play." - -"Listen to the child! A play!" - -I sat on the edge of the bed. - -"Listen, Hannah," I said. "It is not what is outside of us that matters. -It is what is inside. It is what we are, not what we eat, or look like, -or wear. I have given up everything, Hannah, to my career." - -"You're young yet," said Hannah. "You used to be fond enough of the -boys." - -Hannah has been with us for years, so she gets rather talky at times, -and has to be sat upon. - -"I care nothing whatever for the Other Sex," I replied haughtily. - -She was opening my suitcase at the time, and I was surveying the chamber -which was to be the seen of my Literary Life, at least for some time. - -"Now and then," I said to Hannah, "I shall read you parts of it. Only -you mustn't run and tell mother." - -"Why not?" said she, peering into the Suitcase. - -"Because I intend to deal with Life," I said. "I shall deal with real -Things, and not the way we think them. I am young, but I have thought a -great deal. I shall mince nothing." - -"Look here, Miss Barbara," Hannah said, all at once, "what are you doing -with this whiskey flask? And these socks? And--you come right here, and -tell me where you got the things in this suitcase." I stocked over to -the bed, and my blood froze in my veins. IT WAS NOT MINE. - -Words cannot fully express how I felt. While fully convinced that there -had been a mistake, I knew not when or how. Hannah was staring at me -with cold and accusing eyes. - -"You're a very young lady, Miss Barbara," she said, with her eyes full -of Suspicion, "to be carrying a flask about with you." I was as puzzled -as she was, but I remained calm and to all appearances Spartan. - -"I am young in years," I remarked. "But I have seen Life, Hannah." - -Now I meant nothing by this at the time. But it was getting on my nerves -to be put in the infant class all the time. The Christmas before they had -done it, and I had had my revenge. Although it had hurt me more than it -hurt them, and if I gave them a fright I gave myself a worse one. As I -said at that time: - - Oh, what a tangled web we weave, - When first we practice to deceive. - Sir Walter Scott. - -Hannah gave me a horrified glare, and dipped into the suitcase again. -She brought up a tin box of cigarettes, and I thought she was going to -have delirium tremens at once. - -Well, at first I thought the girls at school had played a trick on me, -and a low down mean trick at that. There are always those who think it -is funny to do that sort of thing, but they are the first to squeal when -anything is done to them. Once I put a small garter snake in a girl's -muff, and it went up her sleeve, which is nothing to some of the things -she had done to me. And you would have thought the school was on fire. - -Anyhow, I said to myself that some Smarty was trying to get me into -trouble, and Hannah would run to the family, and they'd never believe -me. All at once I saw all my cherished plans for the summer gone, and -me in the country somewhere with Mademoiselle, and walking through the -pasture with a botany in one hand and a folding cup in the other, in -case we found a spring a cow had not stepped in. Mademoiselle was -once my Governess, but has retired to private life, except in cases of -emergency. - -I am naturally very quick in mind. The Archibalds are all like that, and -when once we decide on a course we stick to it through thick and -thin. But we do not lie. It is ridiculous for Hannah to say I said the -cigarettes were mine. All I said was: - -"I suppose you are going to tell the family. You'd better run, or -you'll burst." - -"Oh, Miss Barbara, Miss Barbara!" she said. "And you so young to be so -wild!" - -This was unjust, and I am one to resent injustice. I had returned home -with my mind fixed on serious things, and now I was being told I was -wild. - -"If I tell your mother she'll have a fit," Hannah said, evidently drawn -hither and thither by emotion. "Now see here, Miss Bab, you've just -come home, and there was trouble at your last vacation that I'm like to -remember to my dying day. You tell me how those things got there, like -a good girl, and I'll say nothing about them." - -I am naturally sweet in disposition, but to call me a good girl and -remind me of last Christmas holidays was too much. My natural firmness came -to the front. - -"Certainly NOT," I said. - -"You needn't stick your lip out at me, Miss Bab, that was only giving -you a chance, and forgetting my duty to help you, not to mention -probably losing my place when the family finds out." - -"Finds out what?" - -"What you've been up to, the stage, and writing plays, and now liquor -and tobacco!" - -Now I may be at fault in the narrative that follows. But I ask the school -if this was fair treatment. I had returned to my home full of high -ideals, only to see them crushed beneath the heal of domestic tyranny. - - Necessity is the argument of tyrants; - it is the creed of slaves. - William Pitt. - -How true are these immortal words. - -It was with a firm countenance but a sinking heart that I saw Hannah -leave the room. I had come home inspired with lofty ambition, and it -had ended thus. Heart-broken, I wandered to the bedside, and let my eyes -fall on the suitcase, the container of all my woe. - -Well, I was surprised, all right. It was not and never had been mine. -Instead of my blue serge sailor suit and my 'robe de nuit' and kimono -etc., it contained a checked gentleman's suit, a mussed shirt and a cap. -At first I was merely astonished. Then a sense of loss overpowered me. -I suffered. I was prostrated with grief. Not that I cared a rap for -the clothes I'd lost, being most of them to small and patched here and -there. But I had lost the plot of my play. My career was gone. - -I was undone. - -It may be asked what has this recital to do with the account of meeting -a celebrity. I reply that it has a great deal to do with it. A bare -recital of a meeting may be news, but it is not art. - -A theme consists of Introduction, Body and Conclusion. - -This is still the Introduction. - -When I was at last revived enough to think I knew what had happened. The -young man who took the cinder out of my eye had come to sit beside -me, which I consider was merely kindness on his part and nothing like -flirting, and he had brought his suitcase over, and they had got mixed -up. But I knew the family would call it flirting, and not listen to a -word I said. - -A madness seized me. Now that everything is over, I realize that it was -madness. But "there is a divinity that shapes our ends etc." It was to -be. It was Karma, or Kismet, or whatever the word is. It was written in -the Book of Fate that I was to go ahead, and wreck my life, and generally -ruin everything. - -I locked the door behind Hannah, and stood with tragic feet, "where the -brook and river meet." What was I to do? How hide this evidence of -my (presumed) duplicity? I was innocent, but I looked guilty. This, as -everyone knows, is worse than guilt. - -I unpacked the suitcase as fast as I could, therefore, and being just -about distracted, I bundled the things up and put them all together in -the toy closet, where all Sis's dolls and mine are, mine being mostly -pretty badly gone, as I was always hard on dolls. - -How far removed were those innocent years when I played with dolls! - -Well, I knew Hannah pretty well, and therefore was not surprised when, -having hidden the trousers under a doll buggy, I heard mother's voice at -the door. - -"Let me in, Barbara," she said. - -I closed the closet door, and said: "What is it, mother?" - -"Let me in." - -So I let her in, and pretended I expected her to kiss me, which she -had not yet, on account of the whooping cough. But she seemed to have -forgotten that. Also the kiss. - -"Barbara," she said, in the meanest voice, "how long have you been -smoking?" - -Now I must pause to explain this. Had mother approached me in a sweet -and maternal manner, I would have been softened, and would have told the -whole story. But she did not. She was, as you might say, steaming with -rage. And seeing that I was misunderstood, I hardened. I can be as hard -as adamant when necessary. - -"What do you mean, mother?" - -"Don't answer one question with another." - -"How can I answer when I don't understand you?" - -She simply twitched with fury. - -"You--a mere Child!" she raved. "And I can hardly bring myself to -mention it--the idea of your owning a flask, and bringing it into this -house--it is--it is----" - -Well, I was growing cold and more haughty every moment, so I said: "I -don't see why the mere mention of a flask upsets you so. It isn't -because you aren't used to one, especially when traveling. And since I -was a mere baby I have been accustomed to intoxicants." - -"Barbara!" she interjected, in the most dreadful tone. - -"I mean, in the family," I said. "I have seen wine on our table ever -since I can remember. I knew to put salt on a claret stain before I -could talk." - -Well, you know how it is to see an enemy on the run, and although I -regret to refer to my dear mother as an enemy, still at that moment she -was such and no less. And she was beating it. It was the reference to -my youth that had aroused me, and I was like a wounded lion. Besides, I -knew well enough that if they refused to see that I was practically grown -up, if not entirely, I would get a lot of Sis's clothes, fixed up with -new ribbons. Faded old things! I'd had them for years. - -Better to be considered a bad woman than an unformed child. - -"However, mother," I finished, "if it is any comfort to you, I did not -buy that flask. And I am not a confirmed alcoholic. By no means." - -"This settles it," she said, in a melancholy tone. "When I think of the -comfort Leila has been to me, and the anxiety you have caused, I wonder -where you get your--your DEVILTRY from. I am positively faint." - -I was alarmed, for she did look queer, with her face all white around -the rouge. So I reached for the flask. - -"I'll give you a swig of this," I said. "It will pull you around in no -time." - -But she held me off fiercely. - -"Never!" she said. "Never again. I shall empty the wine cellar. There -will be nothing to drink in this house from now on. I do not know what -we are coming to." - -She walked into the bathroom, and I heard her emptying the flask down -the drain pipe. It was a very handsome flask, silver with gold stripes, -and all at once I knew the young man would want it back. So I said: - -"Mother, please leave the flask here anyhow." - -"Certainly not." - -"It's not mine, mother." - -"Whose is it?" - -"It--a friend of mine loaned it to me." - -"Who?" - -"I can't tell you." - -"You can't TELL me! Barbara, I am utterly bewildered. I sent you away a -simple child, and you return to me--what?" - -Well, we had about an hour's fight over it, and we ended in a -compromise. I gave up the flask, and promised not to smoke and so forth, -and I was to have some new dresses and a silk sweater, and to be allowed -to stay up until ten o'clock, and to have a desk in my room for my work. - -"Work!" mother said. "Career! What next? Why can't you be like Leila, -and settle down to having a good time?" - -"Leila and I are different," I said loftily, for I resented her tone. -"Leila is a child of the moment. Life for her is one grand, sweet Song. -For me it is a serious matter. 'Life is real, life is earnest, and the -grave is not its goal,'" I quoted in impassioned tones. - -(Because that is the way I feel. How can the grave be its goal? THERE -MUST BE SOMETHING BEYOND. I have thought it all out, and I believe in a -world beyond, but not in a hell. Hell, I believe, is the state of mind -one gets into in this world as a result of one's wicked acts or one's -wicked thoughts, and is in one's self.) - -As I have said, the other side of the compromise was that I was not to -carry flasks with me, or drink any punch at parties if it had a stick -in it, and you can generally find out by the taste. For if it is what -Carter Brooks calls "loaded" it stings your tongue. Or if it tastes like -cider it's probably champagne. And I was not to smoke any cigarettes. - -Mother was holding out on the sweater at that time, saying that Sis had -a perfectly good one from Miami, and why not wear that? So I put up a -strong protest about the cigarettes, although I have never smoked but -once as I think the school knows, and that only half through, owing to -getting dizzy. I said that Sis smoked now and then, because she thought -it looked smart; but that, if I was to have a career, I felt that the -soothing influence of tobacco would help a lot. - -So I got the new sweater, and everything looked smooth again, and mother -kissed me on the way out, and said she had not meant to be harsh, but -that my great uncle Putnam had been a notorious drunkard, and I looked -like him, although of a more refined type. - -There was a dreadful row that night, however, when father came home. We -were all dressed for dinner, and waiting in the drawing room, and Leila -was complaining about me, as usual. - -"She looks older than I do now, mother," she said. "If she goes to the -seashore with us I'll have her always tagging at my heals. I don't see -why I can't have my first summer in peace." Oh, yes, we were going to -the shore, after all. Sis wanted it, and everybody does what she wants, -regardless of what they prefer, even fishing. - -"First summer!" I exclaimed. "One would think you were a teething baby!" - -"I was speaking to mother, Barbara. Everyone knows that a debutante -only has one year nowadays, and if she doesn't go off in that year she's -swept away by the flood of new girls the next fall. We might as well -be frank. And while Barbara's not a beauty, as soon as the bones in her -neck get a little flesh on them she won't be hopeless, and she has a -flippant manner that men like." - -"I intend to keep Barbara under my eyes this summer," mother said -firmly. "After last Christmas's happenings, and our discovery today, I -shall keep her with me. She need not, however, interfere with you, -Leila. Her hours are mostly different, and I will see that her friends -are the younger boys." - -I said nothing, but I knew perfectly well she had in mind Eddie Perkins -and Willie Graham, and a lot of other little kids that hang around the -fruit punch at parties, and throw the peas from the croquettes at each -other when the footmen are not near, and pretend they are allowed to -smoke, but have sworn off for the summer. - -I was naturally indignant at Sis's words, which were not filial, to my -mind, but I replied as sweetly as possible: - -"I shall not be in your way, Leila. I ask nothing but food and shelter, -and that perhaps not for long." - -"Why? Do you intend to die?" she demanded. - -"I intend to work," I said. "It's more interesting than dieing, and will -be a novelty in this house." - -Father came in just then, and he said: - -"I'll not wait to dress, Clara. Hello, children. I'll just change my -collar while you ring for the cocktails." - -Mother got up and faced him with majesty. - -"We are not going to have, any" she said. - -"Any what?" said father from the doorway. - -"I have had some fruit juice prepared with a dash of bitters. It is -quite nice. And I'll ask you, James, not to explode before the servants. -I will explain later." - -Father has a very nice disposition but I could see that mother's manner -got on his nerves, as it got on mine. Anyhow there was a terrific fuss, -with Sis playing the piano so that the servants would not hear, and in -the end father had a cocktail. Mother waited until he had had it, and -was quieter, and then she told him about me, and my having a flask in -my suitcase. Of course I could have explained, but if they persisted in -misunderstanding me, why not let them do so, and be miserable? - -"It's a very strange thing, Bab," he said, looking at me, "that -everything in this house is quiet until you come home, and then we get -as lively as kittens in a frying pan. We'll have to marry you off pretty -soon, to save our piece of mind." - -"James!" said my mother. "Remember last winter, please." - -There was no claret or anything with dinner, and father ordered mineral -water, and criticized the food, and fussed about Sis's dressmaker's -bill. And the second man gave notice immediately after we left the -dining room. When mother reported that, as we were having coffee in the -drawing room, father said: - -"Humph! Well, what can you expect? Those fellows have been getting the -best half of a bottle of claret every night since they've been here, and -now it's cut off. Damned if I wouldn't like to leave myself." - -From that time on I knew that I was watched. It made little or no -difference to me. I had my work, and it filled my life. There were times -when my soul was so filled with joy that I could hardly bare it. I had -one act done in two days. I wrote out the love scenes in full, because I -wanted to be sure of what they would say to each other. How I thrilled -as each marvelous burst of fantasy flowed from my pen! But the dialogue -of less interesting parts I left for the actors to fill in themselves. -I consider this the best way, as it gives them a chance to be original, -and not to have to say the same thing over and over. - -Jane Raleigh came over to see me the day after I came home, and I read -her some of the love scenes. She positively wept with excitement. - -"Bab," she said, "if any man, no matter who, ever said those things to -me, I'd go straight into his arms. I couldn't help it. Whose going to -act in it?" - -"I think I'll have Robert Edeson, or Richard Mansfield." - -"Mansfield's dead," said Jane. - -"Honestly?" - -"Honest he is. Why don't you get some of these moving picture actors? -They never have a chance in the Movies, only acting and not talking." - -Well, that sounded logical. And then I read her the place where the -cruel first husband comes back and finds her married again and happy, -and takes the children out to drown them, only he can't because they can -swim, and they pull him in instead. The curtain goes down on nothing but -a few bubbles rising to mark his watery grave. - -Jane was crying. - -"It is too touching for words, Bab!" she said. "It has broken my heart. -I can just close my eyes and see the theater dark, and the stage almost -dark, and just those bubbles coming up and breaking. Would you have to -have a tank?" - -"I daresay," I replied dreamily. "Let the other people worry about that. -I can only give them the material, and hope that they have intelligence -enough to grasp it." - -I think Sis must have told Carter Brooks something about the trouble I -was in, for he brought me a box of candy one afternoon, and winked at me -when mother was not looking. - -"Don't open it here," he whispered. - -So I was forced to control my impatience, though passionately fond of -candy. And when I got to my room later, the box was full of cigarettes. -I could have screamed. It just gave me one more thing to hide, as if a -man's suit and shirt and so on was not sufficient. - -But Carter paid more attention to me than he ever had before, and at -a tea dance somebody had at the country club he took me to one side and -gave me a good talking to. - -"You're being rather a bad child, aren't you?" he said. - -"Certainly not." - -"Well, not bad, but--er--naughty. Now see here, Bab, I'm fond of you, -and you're growing into a mighty pretty girl. But your whole social -life is at stake. For heaven's sake, at least until you're married, cut -out the cigarettes and booze." - -That cut me to the heart, but what could I say? - -Well, July came, and we had rented a house at Little Hampton and -everywhere one went one fell over an open trunk or a barrel containing -silver or linen. - -Mother went around with her lips moving as if in prayer, but she was -really repeating lists, such as sowing basket, table candles, headache -tablets, black silk stockings and tennis rackets. - -Sis got some lovely clothes, mostly imported, but they had a woman come -in and sew for me. Hannah and she used to interrupt my most precious -moments at my desk by running a tape measure around me, or pinning a -paper pattern to me. The sewing woman always had her mouth full of pins, -and once, owing to my remarking that I wished I had been illegitimate, -so I could go away and live my own life, she swallowed one. It caused a -grate deal of excitement, with Hannah blaming me and giving her vinegar -to swallow to soften the pin. Well, it turned out all right, for she -kept on living, but she pretended to have sharp pains all over her here -and there, and if the pin had been as lively as a tadpole and wriggled -from spot to spot, it could not have hurt in so many places. - -Of course they blamed me, and I shut myself up more and more in my -sanctuary. There I lived with the creatures of my dreams, and forgot for -a while that I was only a Sub-Deb, and that Leila's last year's tennis -clothes were being fixed over for me. - -But how true what dear Shakespeare says:= - -`````dreams, - -```Which are the children of an idle brain. - -```Begot of nothing but vain fantasy.= - -I loved my dreams, but alas, they were not enough. After a tortured -hour or two at my desk, living in myself the agonies of my characters, -suffering the pangs of the wife with two husbands and both living, -struggling in the water with the children, fruit of the first union, -dying with number two and blowing my last bubbles heavenward--after all -these emotions, I was done out. - -Jane came in one day and found me prostrate on my couch, with a light of -suffering in my eyes. - -"Dearest!" cried Jane, and gliding to my side, fell on her knees. - -"Jane!" - -"What is it? You are ill?" - -I could hardly more than whisper. In a low tone I said: - -"He is dead." - -"Dearest!" - -"Drowned!" - -At first she thought I meant a member of my family. But when she -understood she looked serious. - -"You are too intense, Bab," she said solemnly. "You suffer too much. You -are wearing yourself out." - -"There is no other way," I replied in broken tones. - -Jane went to the Mirror and looked at herself. Then she turned to me. - -"Others don't do it." - -"I must work out my own Salvation, Jane," I observed firmly. But she had -roused me from my apathy, and I went into Sis's room, returning with -a box of candy some one had sent her. "I must feel, Jane, or I cannot -write." - -"Pooh! Loads of writers get fat on it. Why don't you try comedy? It pays -well." - -"Oh--MONEY!" I said, in a disgusted tone. - -"Your FORTE, of course, is love," she said. "Probably that's because -you've had so much experience." Owing to certain reasons it is generally -supposed that I have experienced the gentle passion. But not so, alas! -"Bab," Jane said, suddenly, "I have been your friend for a long time. I -have never betrayed you. You can trust me with your life. Why don't you -tell me?" - -"Tell you what?" - -"Something has happened. I see it in your eyes. No girl who is happy -and has not a tragic story stays at home shut up at a messy desk when -everyone is out at the club playing tennis. Don't talk to me about a -career. A girl's career is a man and nothing else. And especially after -last winter, Bab. Is--is it the same one?" - -Here I made my fatal error. I should have said at once that there was -no one, just as there had been no one last winter. But she looked so -intense, sitting there, and after all, why should I not have an amorous -experience? I am not ugly, and can dance well, although inclined to lead -because of dancing with other girls all winter at school. So I lay back -on my pillow and stared at the ceiling. - -"No. It is not the same man." - -"What is he like? Bab, I'm so excited I can't sit still." - -"It--it hurts to talk about him," I observed faintly. - -Now I intended to let it go at that, and should have, had not Jane kept -on asking questions. Because I had had a good lesson the winter before, -and did not intend to deceive again. And this I will say--I really told -Jane Raleigh nothing. She jumped to her own conclusions. And as for her -people saying she cannot chum with me any more, I will only say this: If -Jane Raleigh smokes she did not learn it from me. - -Well, I had gone as far as I meant to. I was not really in love with -anyone, although I liked Carter Brooks, and would possibly have loved him -with all the depth of my nature if Sis had not kept an eye on me most of -the time. However---- - -Jane seemed to be expecting something, and I tried to think of some -way to satisfy her and not make any trouble. And then I thought of the -suitcase. So I locked the door and made her promise not to tell, and got -the whole thing out of the toy closet. - -"Wha--what is it?" asked Jane. - -I said nothing, but opened it all up. The flask was gone, but the -rest was there, and Carter's box too. Jane leaned down and lifted the -trousers and poked around somewhat. Then she straitened and said: - -"You have run away and got married, Bab." - -"Jane!" - -She looked at me piercingly. - -"Don't lie to me," she said accusingly. "Or else what are you doing with -a man's whole outfit, including his dirty collar? Bab, I just can't bare -it." - -Well, I saw that I had gone to far, and was about to tell Jane the truth -when I heard the sewing woman in the hall. I had all I could do to get -the things put away, and with Jane looking like death I had to stand -there and be fitted for one of Sis's chiffon frocks, with the low neck -filled in with net. - -"You must remember, Miss Bab," said the human pin cushion, "that you are -still a very young girl, and not out yet." - -Jane got up off the bed suddenly. - -"I--I guess I'll go, Bab," she said. "I don't feel very well." - -As she went out she stopped in the doorway and crossed her heart, -meaning that she would die before she would tell anything. But I was -not comfortable. It is not a pleasant thought that your best friend -considers you married and gone beyond recall, when in truth you are not, -or even thinking about it, except in idle moments. - -The seen now changes. Life is nothing but such changes. No sooner do -we alight on one branch, and begin to sip the honey from it, but we -are taken up and carried elsewhere, perhaps to the mountains or to the -sea-shore, and there left to make new friends and find new methods of -enjoyment. - -The flight--or journey--was in itself an anxious time. For on my -otherwise clear conscience rested the weight of that strange suitcase. -Fortunately Hannah was so busy that I was left to pack my belongings -myself, and thus for a time my guilty secret was safe. I put my things in -on top of the masculine articles, not daring to leave any of them in the -closet, owing to house-cleaning, which is always done before our return -in the fall. - -On the train I had a very unpleasant experience, due to Sis opening my -suitcase to look for a magazine, and drawing out a soiled gentleman's -collar. She gave me a very piercing glance, but said nothing and at the -next opportunity I threw it out of a window, concealed in a newspaper. - -We now approach the catastrophe. My book on play writing divides plays -into Introduction, Development, Crisis, Denouement and Catastrophe. And -so one may divide life. In my case the cinder proved the introduction, -as there was none other. I consider that the suitcase was the -development, my showing it to Jane Raleigh was the crisis, and the -denouement or catastrophe occurred later on. - -Let us then proceed to the catastrophe. - -Jane Raleigh came to see me off at the train. Her family was coming the -next day. And instead of flowers, she put a small bundle into my hands. -"Keep it hidden, Bab," she said, "and tear up the card." - -I looked when I got a chance, and she had crocheted me a wash cloth, -with a pink edge. "For your linen chest," the card said, "and I'm doing -a bath towel to match." - -I tore up the card, but I put the wash cloth with the other things I -was trying to hide, because it is bad luck to throw a gift away. But I -hoped, as I seemed to be getting more things to conceal all the time, -that she would make me a small bath towel, and not the sort as big as a -bed spread. - -Father went with us to get us settled, and we had a long talk while -mother and Sis made out lists for dinners and so forth. - -"Look here, Bab," he said, "something's wrong with you. I seem to have -lost my only boy, and have got instead a sort of tear-y young person I -don't recognize." - -"I'm growing up, father" I said. I did not mean to rebuke him, but ye -gods! Was I the only one to see that I was no longer a child? - -"Sometimes I think you are not very happy with us." - -"Happy?" I pondered. "Well, after all, what is happiness?" - -He took a spell of coughing then, and when it was over he put his arms -around me and was quite affectionate. - -"What a queer little rat it is!" he said. - -I only repeat this to show how even my father, with all his affection and -good qualities, did not understand and never would understand. My -heart was full of a longing to be understood. I wanted to tell him my -yearnings for better things, my aspirations to make my life a great and -glorious thing. AND HE DID NOT UNDERSTAND. - -He gave me five dollars instead. Think of the tragedy of it! - -As we went along, and he pulled my ear and finally went asleep with a -hand on my shoulder, the bareness of my life came to me. I shook with -sobs. And outside somewhere Sis and mother made dinner lists. Then and -there I made up my mind to work hard and achieve, to become great and -powerful, to write things that would ring the hearts of men--and women, -to, of course--and to come back to them some day, famous and beautiful, -and when they sued for my love, to be kind and haughty, but cold. I felt -that I would always be cold, although gracious. - -I decided then to be a writer of plays first, and then later on to act -in them. I would thus be able to say what came into my head, as it was -my own play. Also to arrange the scenes so as to wear a variety of gowns, -including evening things. I spent the rest of the afternoon manicuring -my nails in our state room. - -Well, we got there at last. It was a large house, but everything was -to thin about it. The school will understand this, the same being the -condition of the new freshman dormitory. The walls were to thin, and so -were the floors. The doors shivered in the wind, and palpitated if you -slammed them. Also you could hear every sound everywhere. - -I looked around me in despair. Where, oh where, was I to find my -cherished solitude? Where? - -On account of Hannah hating a new place, and considering the house an -insult to the servants, especially only one bathroom for the lot of them, -she let me unpack alone, and so far I was safe. But where was I to work? -Fate settled that for me however. - - There is no armor against fate; - Death lays his icy hand on Kings. - - J. Shirley; Dirge. - -Previously, however, mother and I had had a talk. She sailed into my -room one evening, dressed for dinner, and found me in my ROBE DE NUIT, -curled up in the window seat admiring the view of the ocean. - -"Well!" she said. "Is this the way you intend going to dinner?" - -"I do not care for any dinner," I replied. Then, seeing she did not -understand, I said coldly. "How can I care for food, mother, when the -sea looks like a dying opal?" - -"Dying pussycat!" mother said, in a very nasty way. "I don't know what -has come over you, Barbara. You used to be a normal child, and there was -some accounting for what you were going to do. But now! Take off that -nightgown, and I'll have Tanney hold off dinner for half an hour." - -Tanney was the butler who had taken Patrick's place. - -"If you insist," I said coldly. "But I shall not eat." - -"Why not?" - -"You wouldn't understand, mother." - -"Oh, I wouldn't? Well, suppose I try," she said, and sat down. "I am -not very intelligent, but if you put it clearly I may grasp it. Perhaps -you'd better speak slowly, also." - -So, sitting there in my room, while the sea throbbed in tireless beats -against the shore, while the light faded and the stars issued, one by -one, like a rash on the face of the sky, I told mother of my dreams. I -intended, I said, to write life as it really is, and not as supposed to -be. - -"It may in places be, ugly" I said, "but truth is my banner. The truth -is never ugly, because it is real. It is, for instance, not ugly if a -man is in love with the wife of another, if it is real love, and not the -passing fancy of a moment." - -Mother opened her mouth, but did not say anything. - -"There was a time," I said, "when I longed for things that now have no -value whatever to me. I cared for clothes and even for the attentions of -the other sex. But that has passed away, mother. I have now no thought -but for my career." - -I watched her face, and soon the dreadful understanding came to me. -She, too, did not understand. My literary aspirations were as nothing to -her! - -Oh, the bitterness of that moment. My mother, who had cared for me as a -child, and obeyed my slightest wish, no longer understood me. And saddest -of all, there was no way out. None. Once, in my youth, I had believed -that I was not the child of my parents at all, but an adopted -one--perhaps of rank and kept out of my inheritance by those who had -selfish motives. But now I knew that I had no rank or inheritance, save -what I should carve out for myself. There was no way out. None. - -Mother rose slowly, staring at me with perfectly fixed and glassy eyes. - -"I am absolutely sure," she said, "that you are on the edge of something. -It may be typhoid, or it may be an elopement. But one thing is certain. -You are not normal." - -With this she left me to my thoughts. But she did not neglect me. Sis -came up after dinner, and I saw mother's fine hand in that. Although not -hungry in the usual sense of the word, I had begun to grow rather empty, -and was nibbling out of a box of chocolates when Sis came. - -She got very little out of me. To one with softness and tenderness I -would have told all, but Sis is not that sort. And at last she showed -her claws. - -"Don't fool yourself for a minute," she said. "This literary pose has -not fooled anybody. Either you're doing it to appear interesting, or -you've done something you're scared about. Which is it?" - -I refused to reply. - -"Because if it's the first, and you're trying to look literary, you are -going about it wrong," she said. "Real Literary People don't go round -mooning and talking about the opal sea." - -I saw mother had been talking, and I drew myself up. - -"They look and act like other people," said Leila, going to the bureau -and spilling powder all over the place. "Look at Beecher." - -"Beecher!" I cried, with a thrill that started inside my elbows. (I -have read this to one or two of the girls, and they say there is no such -thrill. But not all people act alike under the influence of emotion, and -mine is in my arms, as stated.) - -"The playwright," Sis said. "He's staying next door. And if he does any -languishing it is not by himself." - -There may be some who have for a long time had an ideal, but without -hoping ever to meet him, and then suddenly learning that he is nearby, -with indeed but a wall or two between, can be calm and cool. But I am -not like that. Although long suppression has taught me to dissemble at -times, where my heart is concerned I am powerless. - -For it was at last my heart that was touched. I, who had scorned the -other sex and felt that I was born cold and always would be cold, that -day I discovered the truth. Reginald Beecher was my ideal. I had never -spoken to him, nor indeed seen him, except for his pictures. But the -very mention of his name brought a lump to my throat. - -Feeling better immediately, I got Sis out of the room and coaxed Hannah -to bring me some dinner. While she was sneaking it out of the pantry I -was dressing, and soon, as a new being, I was out on the stone bench at -the foot of the lawn, gazing with rapt eyes at the sea. - -But fate was against me. Eddie Perkins saw me there and came over. He -had but recently been put in long trousers, and those not his best -ones but only white flannels. He was never sure of his garters, and was -always looking to see if his socks were coming down. Well, he came over -just as I was sure I saw Reginald Beecher next door on the veranda, and -made himself a nuisance right away, trying all sorts of kid tricks, such -as snapping a rubber band at me, and pulling out hairpins. - -But I felt that I must talk to someone. So I said: - -"Eddie, if you had your choice of love or a career, which would it be?" - -"Why not both," he said, hitching the rubber band onto one of his front -teeth and playing on it. "Neither ought to take up all a fellow's time. -Say, listen to this! Talk about a ukelele!" - -"A woman can never have both." - -He played a while, strumming with one finger until the hand slipped off -and stung him on the lip. - -"Once," I said, "I dreamed of a career. But I believe love's the most -important." - -Well, I shall pass lightly over what followed. Why is it that a girl -cannot speak of love without every member of the other sex present, no -matter how young, thinking it is he? And as for mother maintaining that -I kissed that wretched child, and they saw me from the drawing-room, it -is not true and never was true. It was but one more misunderstanding -which convinced the family that I was carrying on all manner of affairs. - -Carter Brooks had arrived that day, and was staying at the Perkins' -cottage. I got rid of the Perkins' baby, as his nose was bleeding--but I -had not slapped him hard at all, and felt little or no compunction--when -I heard Carter coming down the walk. He had called to see Leila, but -she had gone to a beach dance and left him alone. He never paid any -attention to me when she was around, and I received him coolly. - -"Hello!" he said. - -"Well?" I replied. - -"Is that the way you greet me, Bab?" - -"It's the way I would greet most any left-over," I said. "I eat hash at -school, but I don't have to pretend to like it." - -"I came to see YOU." - -"How youthful of you!" I replied, in stinging tones. - -He sat down on a bench and stared at me. - -"What's got into you lately?" he said. "Just as you're getting to be -the prettiest girl around, and I'm strong for you, you--you turn into a -regular rattlesnake." - -The kindness of his tone upset me considerably, to who so few kind words -had come recently. I am compelled to confess that I wept, although I had -not expected to, and indeed shed few tears, although bitter ones. - -How could I possibly know that the chaste salute of Eddie Perkins and my -head on Carter Brooks' shoulder were both plainly visible against the -rising moon? But this was the case, especially from the house next door. - -But I digress. - -Suddenly Carter held me off and shook me somewhat. - -"Sit up here and tell me about it," he said. "I'm getting more scared -every minute. You are such an impulsive little beast, and you turn the -fellows' heads so--look here, is Jane Raleigh lying, or did you run away -and get married to someone?" - -I am aware that I should have said, then and there, No. But it seemed a -shame to spoil things just as they were getting interesting. So I said, -through my tears: - -"Nobody understands me. Nobody. And I'm so lonely." - -"And of course you haven't run away with anyone, have you?" - -"Not--exactly." - -"Bless you, Bab!" he said. And I might as well say that he kissed me, -because he did, although unexpectedly. Somebody just then moved a chair -on the porch next door and coughed rather loudly, so Carter drew a long -breath and got up. - -"There's something about you lately, Bab, that I don't understand," he -said. "You--you're mysterious. That's the word. In a couple of years -you'll be the real thing." - -"Come and see me then," I said in a demure manner. And he went away. - -So I sat on my bench and looked at the sea and dreamed. It seemed to -me that centuries must have passed since I was a lighthearted girl, -running up and down that beach, paddling, and so forth, with no thought -of the future farther away than my next meal. - -Once I lived to eat. Now I merely ate to live, and hardly that. The -fires of genius must be fed, but no more. - -Sitting there, I suddenly made a discovery. The boat house was near me, -and I realized that upstairs, above the bath-houses, et cetera, there -must be a room or two. The very thought intrigued me (a new word for -interest, but coming into use, and sounding well). - -Solitude--how I craved it for my work. And here it was, or would be when -I had got the place fixed up. True, the next door boat-house was close, -but a boat-house is a quiet place, generally, and I knew that nowhere, -aside from the desert, is there perfect silence. - -I investigated at once, but found the place locked and the boatman gone. -However, there was a lattice, and I climbed up that and got in. I had a -fright there, as it seemed to be full of people, but I soon saw it was -only the family bathing suits hung up to dry. Aside from the odor of -drying things it was a fine study, and I decided to take a small table -there, and the various tools of my profession. - -Climbing down, however, I had a surprise. For a man was just below, and -I nearly put my foot on his shoulder in the darkness. - -"Hello!" he said. "So it's YOU." - -I was quite speechless. It was Mr. Beecher himself, in his dinner -clothes and bareheaded. - -Oh fluttering heart, be still. Oh pen, move steadily. OH TEMPORA O MORES! - -"Let me down," I said. I was still hanging to the lattice. - -"In a moment," he said. "I have an idea that the instant I do you'll -vanish. And I have something to tell you." - -I could hardly believe my ears. - -"You see," he went on, "I think you must move that bench." - -"Bench?" - -"You seem to be so very popular," he said. "And of course I'm only a -transient and don't matter. But some evening one of the admirers may be -on the Patten's porch, while another is with you on the bench. And--the -Moon rises beyond it." - -I was silent with horror. So that was what he thought of me. Like all the -others, he, too, did not understand. He considered me a flirt, when my -only thoughts were serious ones, of immortality and so on. - -"You'd better come down now," he said. "I was afraid to warn you until I -saw you climbing the lattice. Then I knew you were still young enough to -take a friendly word of advice." - -I got down then and stood before him. He was magnificent. Is there -anything more beautiful than a tall man with a gleaming expanse of dress -shirt? I think not. - -But he was staring at me. - -"Look here," he said. "I'm afraid I've made a mistake after all. I -thought you were a little girl." - -"That needn't worry you. Everybody does," I replied. "I'm seventeen, but -I shall be a mere child until I come out." - -"Oh!" he said. - -"One day I am a child in the nursery," I said. "And the next I'm grown -up and ready to be sold to the highest bidder." - -"I beg your pardon, I----" - -"But I am as grown up now as I will ever be," I said. "And indeed more -so. I think a great deal now, because I have plenty of time. But my -sister never thinks at all. She is too busy." - -"Suppose we sit on the bench. The moon is too high to be a menace, and -besides, I am not dangerous. Now, what do you think about?" - -"About life, mostly. But of course there is death, which is beautiful -but cold. And--one always thinks of love, doesn't one?" - -"Does one?" he asked. I could see he was much interested. As for me, I -dared not consider whom it was who sat beside me, almost touching. That -way lay madness. - -"Don't you ever," he said, "reflect on just ordinary things, like -clothes and so forth?" - -I shrugged my shoulders. - -"I don't get enough new clothes to worry about. Mostly I think of my -work." - -"Work?" - -"I am a writer" I said in a low, earnest tone. - -"No! How--how amazing. What do you write?" - -"I'm on a play now." - -"A comedy?" - -"No. A tragedy. How can I write a comedy when a play must always end -in a catastrophe? The book says all plays end in crisis, denouement and -catastrophe." - -"I can't believe it," he said. "But, to tell you a secret, I never read -any books about plays." - -"We are not all gifted from berth, as you are," I observed, not to -merely please him, but because I considered it the simple truth. - -He pulled out his watch and looked at it in the moonlight. - -"All this reminds me," he said, "that I have promised to go to work -tonight. But this is so--er--thrilling that I guess the work can wait. -Well--now go on." - -Oh, the joy of that night! How can I describe it? To be at last in -the company of one who understood, who--as he himself had said in "Her -Soul"--spoke my own language! Except for the occasional mosquito, -there was no sound save the tumescent sea and his voice. - -Often since that time I have sat and listened to conversation. How flat -it sounds to listen to father conversing about Gold, or Sis about Clothes, -or even to the young men who come to call, and always talk about -themselves. - -We were at last interrupted in a strange manner. Mr. Patten came down -their walk and crossed to us, walking very fast. He stopped right in -front of us and said: - -"Look here, Reg, this is about all I can stand." - -"Oh, go away, and sing, or do something," said Mr. Beecher sharply. - -"You gave me your word of honor" said the Patten man. "I can only remind -you of that. Also of the expense I'm incurring, and all the rest of it. -I've shown all sorts of patience, but this is the limit." - -He turned on his heel, but came back for a last word or two. - -"Now see here," he said, "we have everything fixed the way you said you -wanted it. And I'll give you ten minutes. That's all." - -He stalked away, and Mr. Beecher looked at me. - -"Ten minutes of heaven," he said, "and then perdition with that bunch. -Look here," he said, "I--I'm awfully interested in what you are telling -me. Let's cut off up the beach and talk." - -Oh night of nights! Oh moon of moons! - -Our talk was strictly business. He asked me my plot, and although I had -been warned not to do so, even to David Belasco, I gave it to him fully. -And even now, when all is over, I am not sorry. Let him use it if he -will. I can think of plenty of plots. - -The real tragedy is that we met father. He had been ordered to give up -smoking, and I considered he had done so, mother feeling that I should be -encouraged in leaving off cigarettes. So when I saw the cigar I was sure -it was not father. It proved to be, however, and although he passed with -nothing worse than a glare, I knew I was in more trouble. - -At last we reached the bench again, and I said good night. Our relations -continued business-like to the last. He said: - -"Good night, little authoress, and let's have some more talks." - -"I'm afraid I've bored you," I said. - -"Bored me!" he said. "I haven't spent such an evening for years!" - -The family acted perfectly absurd about it. Seeing that they were going -to make a fuss, I refused to say with whom I had been walking. You'd -have thought I had committed a crime. - -"It has come to this, Barbara," mother said, pacing the floor. "You -cannot be trusted out of our sight. Where do you meet all these men? If -this is how things are now, what will it be when given your liberty?" - -Well, it is to painful to record. I was told not to leave the place for -three days, although allowed the boat-house. And of course Sis had to -chime in that she'd heard a rumor I had run away and got married, and -although of course she knew it wasn't true, owing to no time to do so, -still where there was smoke there was fire. - -But I felt that their confidence in me was going, and that night, after -all were in the land of dreams, I took that wretched suit of clothes and -so on to the boathouse, and hid them in the rafters upstairs. - -I come now to the strange event of the next day, and its sequel. - -The Patten place and ours are close together, and no other house near. -Mother had been very cool about the Pattens, owing to nobody knowing -them that we knew. Although I must say they had the most interesting -people all the time, and Sis was crazy to call and meet some of them. - -Jane came that day to visit her aunt, and she ran down to see me first -thing. - -"Come and have a ride," she said. "I've got the runabout, and after that -we'll bathe and have a real time." - -But I shook my head. - -"I'm a prisoner, Jane," I said. - -"Honestly! Is it the play, or something else?" - -"Something else, Jane," I said. "I can tell you nothing more. I am simply -in trouble, as usual." - -"But why make you a prisoner, unless----" She stopped suddenly and -stared at me. - -"He has claimed you!" she said. "He is here, somewhere about this place, -and now, having had time to think it over, you do not want to go to him. -Don't deny it. I see it in your face. Oh, Bab, my heart aches for you." - -It sounded so like a play that I kept it up. Alas, with what results! - -"What else can I do, Jane?" I said. - -"You can refuse, if you do not love him. Oh Bab, I did not say it -before, thinking you loved him. But no man who wears clothes like those -could ever win my heart. At least, not permanently." - -Well, she did most of the talking. She had finished the bath towel, -which was a large size, after all, and monogrammed, and she made me -promise never to let my husband use it. When she went away she left it -with me, and I carried it out and put it on the rafters, with the other -things--I seemed to be getting more to hide every day. - -Things went all wrong the next day. Sis was in a bad temper, and as much -as said I was flirting with Carter Brooks, although she never intends to -marry him herself, owing to his not having money and never having asked -her. - -I spent the morning in fixing up a studio in the boat-house, and felt -better by noon. I took two boards on trestles and made a desk, and -brought a dictionary and some pens and ink out. I use a dictionary -because now and then I am uncertain how to spell a word. - -Events now moved swiftly and terribly. I did not do much work, being -exhausted by my efforts to fix up the studio, and besides, feeling that -nothing much was worth while when one's family did not and never would -understand. At eleven o'clock Sis and Carter and Jane and some others -went in bathing from our dock. Jane called up to me, but I pretended not -to hear. They had a good time judging by the noise, although I should -think Jane would cover her arms and neck in the water, being very thin. -Legs one can do nothing with, although I should think stripes going -around would help. But arms can have sleeves. - -However--the people next door went in too, and I thrilled to the core -when Mr. Beecher left the bath-house and went down to the beech. What -a physique! What shoulders, all brown and muscular! And to think that, -strong as they were, they wrote the tender love scenes of his plays. -Strong and tender--what descriptive words they are! It was then that I -saw he had been vaccinated twice. - -To resume. All the Pattens went in, and a new girl with them, in a -one piece suit. I do not deny that she was pretty. I only say that she -was not modest, and that the way she stood on the Patten's dock -and posed for Mr. Beecher's benefit was unnecessary and well, not -respectable. - -She was nothing to me, nor I to her. But I watched her closely. I -confess that I was interested in Mr. Beecher. Why not? He was a public -character, and entitled to respect. Nay, even to love. But I maintain -and will to my dying day, that such love is different from that -ordinarily born to the other sex, and a thing to be proud of. - -Well, I was seeing a drama and did not even know it. After the rest -had gone, Mr. Patten came to the door into Mr. Beecher's room in the -bath-house--they are all in a row, with doors opening on the sand--and -he had a box in his hand. He looked around, and no one was looking -except me, and he did not see me. He looked very fierce and glum, and -shortly after he carried in a chair and a folding card table. I thought -this was very strange, but imagine how I felt when he came out carrying -Mr. Beecher's clothes! He brought them all, going on his tiptoes and -watching every minute. I felt like screaming. - -However, I considered that it was a practical joke, and I am no spoil -sport. So I sat still and waited. They stayed in the water a long time, -and the girl with the figure was always crawling out on the dock and -then diving in to show off. Leila and the rest got sick of her actions -and came in to lunch. They called up to me, but I said I was not hungry. - -"I don't know what's come over Bab," I heard Sis say to Carter Brooks. -"She's crazy, I think." - -"She's seventeen," he said. "That's all. They get over it mostly, but -she has it hard." - -I loathed him. - -Pretty soon the other crowd came up, and I could see every one knew the -joke but Mr. Beecher. They all scuttled into their doorways, and Mr. -Patten waited till Mr. Beecher was inside and had thrown out the shirt -of his bathing suit. Then he locked the door from the outside. - -There was a silence for a minute. Then Mr. Beecher said in a terrible -voice. - -"So that's the game, is it?" - -"Now listen, Reg," Mr. Patten said, in a soothing voice. "I've tried -everything but force, and now I'm driven to that. I've got to have that -third act. The company's got the first two acts well under way, and I'm -getting wires about every hour. I've got to have that script." - -"You go to Hell!" said Mr. Beecher. You could hear him plainly through -the window, high up in the wall. And although I do not approve of an -oath, there are times when it eases the tortured soul. - -"Now be reasonable, Reg," Mr. Patten pleaded. "I've put a fortune in -this thing, and you're lying down on the job. You could do it in four -hours if you'd put your mind to it." - -There was no answer to this. And he went on: - -"I'll send out food or anything. But nothing to drink. There's champagne -on the ice for you when you've finished, however. And you'll find pens -and ink and paper on the table." - -The answer to this was Mr. Beecher's full weight against the door. But it -held, even against the full force of his fine physic. - -"Even if you do break it open," Mr. Patten said, "you can't go very far -the way you are. Now be a good fellow, and let's get this thing done. -It's for your good as well as mine. You'll make a fortune out of it." - -Then he went into his own door, and soon came out, looking like a -gentleman, unless one knew, as I did, that he was a whited sepulcher. - -How long I sat there, paralyzed with emotion, I do not know. Hannah -came out and roused me from my trance of grief. She is a kindly soul, -although too afraid of mother to be helpful. - -"Come in like a good girl, Miss Bab," she said. "There's that fruit -salad that cook prides herself on, and I'll ask her to brown a bit of -sweetbread for you." - -"Hannah," I said in a low voice, "there is a crime being committed in -this neighborhood, and you talk to me of food." - -"Good gracious, Miss Bab!" - -"I cannot tell you any more than that, Hannah," I said gently, "because -it is only being done now, and I cannot make up my mind about it. But of -course I do not want any food." - -As I say, I was perfectly gentle with her, and I do not understand why -she burst into tears and went away. - -I sat and thought it all over. I could not leave, under the -circumstances. But yet, what was I to do? It was hardly a police matter, -being between friends, as one may say, and yet I simply could not bare -to leave my ideal there in that damp bath-house without either food or, -as one may say, raiment. - -About the middle of the afternoon it occurred to me to try to find a key -for the lock of the bath-house. I therefore left my studio and proceeded -to the house. I passed close by the fatal building, but there was no -sound from it. - -I found a number of trunk-keys in a drawer in the library, and was about -to escape with them, when father came in. He gave me a long look, and -said: - -"Bee still buzzing?" - -I had hoped for some understanding from him, but my spirits fell at this -speech. - -"I am still working, father," I said, in a firm if nervous tone. "I am -not doing as good work as I would if things were different, but--I am at -least content, if not happy." - -He stared at me, and then came over to me. - -"Put out your tongue," he said. - -Even against this crowning infamy I was silent. - -"That's all right," he said. "Now see here, Chicken, get into your -riding togs and we'll order the horses. I don't intend to let this -play-acting upset your health." - -But I refused. "Unless, of course, you insist," I finished. He only -shook his head, however, and left the room. I felt that I had lost my -last friend. - -I did not try the keys myself, but instead stood off a short distance -and threw them through the window. I learned later that they struck -Mr. Beecher on the head. Not knowing, of course, that I had flung them, -and that my reason was pure friendliness and idealism, he threw them -out again with a violent exclamation. They fell at my feet, and lay -there, useless, rejected, tragic. - -At last I summoned courage to speak. - -"Can't I do something to help?" I said, in a quaking voice, to the -window. - -There was no answer, but I could hear a pen scratching on paper. - -"I do so want to help you," I said, in a louder tone. - -"Go, away" said his voice, rather abstracted than angry. - -"May I try the keys?" I asked. Be still, my heart! For the scratching had -ceased. - -"Who's that?" asked the beloved voice. I say 'beloved' because an ideal -is always beloved. The voice was beloved, but sharp. - -"It's me." - -I heard him mutter something, and I think he came to the door. - -"Look here," he said. "Go away. Do you understand? I want to work. And -don't come near here again until seven o'clock." - -"Very well," I said faintly. - -"And then come without fail," he said. - -"Yes, Mr. Beecher," I replied. How commanding he was! Strong but tender! - -"And if anyone comes around making a noise, before that, you shoot them -for me, will you?" - -"SHOOT them?" - -"Drive them off, or use a bean-shooter. Anything. But don't yell at -them. It distracts me." - -It was a sacred trust. I, and only I, stood between him and his MAGNUM -OPUS. I sat down on the steps of our bath-house, and took up my vigil. - -It was about five o'clock when I heard Jane approaching. I knew it was -Jane, because she always wears tight shoes, and limps when unobserved. -Although having the reputation of the smallest foot of any girl in our -set in the city, I prefer comfort and ease, unhampered by heals--French -or otherwise. No man will ever marry a girl because she wears a small -shoe, and catches her heals in holes in the boardwalk, and has to soak -her feet at night before she can sleep. However---- - -Jane came on, and found me crouched on the doorstep, in a lowly -attitude, and holding my finger to my lips. - -She stopped and stared at me. - -"Hello," she said. "What do you think you are? A statue?" - -"Hush, Jane," I said, in a low tone. "I can only ask you to be quiet and -speak in whispers. I cannot give the reason." - -"Good heavens!" she whispered. "What has happened, Bab?" - -"It is happening now, but I cannot explain." - -"WHAT is happening?" - -"Jane," I whispered, earnestly, "you have known me a long time and I have -always been trustworthy, have I not?" - -She nodded. She is never exactly pretty, and now she had opened her -mouth and forgot to close it. - -"Then ask no questions. Trust me, as I am trusting you." It seemed to -me that Mr. Beecher threw his pen at the door, and began to pace the -bath-house. Owing of course to his being in his bare feet, I was not -certain. Jane heard something, too, for she clutched my arm. - -"Bab," she said, in intense tones, "if you don't explain I shall lose my -mind. I feel now that I am going to shriek." - -She looked at me searchingly. - -"Somebody is a prisoner. That's all." - -It was the truth, was it not? And was there any reasons for Jane Raleigh -to jump to conclusions as she did, and even to repeat later in public -that I had told her that my lover had come for me, and that father had -locked him up to prevent my running away with him, immuring him in the -Patten's bath-house? Certainly not. - -Just then I saw the boatman coming who looks after our motor boat, and I -tiptoed to him and asked him to go away, and not to come back unless he -had quieter boats and would not whistle. He acted very ugly about it, I -must say, but he went. - -When I came back, Jane was sitting thinking, with her forehead all -puckered. - -"What I don't understand, Bab," she said, "is, why no noise?" - -"Because he is writing," I explained. "Although his clothing has been -taken away, he is writing. I don't think I told you, Jane, but that is -his business. He is a writer. And if I tell you his name you will faint -with surprise." - -She looked at me searchingly. - -"Locked up--and writing, and his clothing gone! What's he writing, Bab? -His will?" - -"He is doing his duty to the end, Jane," I said softly. "He is writing -the last act of a play. The company is rehearsing the first two acts, -and he has to get this one ready, though the heavens fall." - -But to my surprise, she got up and said to me, in a firm voice: - -"Either you are crazy, Barbara Archibald, or you think I am. You've -been stuffing me for about a week, and I don't believe a word of it. And -you'll apologize to me or I'll never speak to you again." - -She said this loudly, and then went away, And Mr. Beecher said, through -the door. - -"What the devil's the row about?" - -Perhaps my nerves were going, or possibly it was no luncheon and -probably no dinner. But I said, just as if he had been an ordinary -person: - -"Go on and write and get through. I can't stew on these steps all day." - -"I thought you were an amiable child." - -"I'm not amiable and I'm not a child." - -"Don't spoil your pretty face with frowns." - -"It's MY face. And you can't see it anyhow," I replied, venting in -feminine fashion, my anger at Jane on the nearest object. - -"Look here," he said, through the door, "you've been my good angel. I'm -doing more work than I've done in two months, although it was a dirty, -low-down way to make me do it. You're not going back on me now, are -you?" - -Well, I was mollified, as who would not be? So I said: - -"Well?" - -"What did Patten do with my clothes?" - -"He took them with him." He was silent, except for a muttered word. - -"You might throw those keys back again," he said. "Let me know first, -however. You're the most accurate thrower I've ever seen." - -So I threw them through the window and I believe hit the ink bottle. -But no matter. And he tried them, but none availed. - -So he gave up, and went back to work, having saved enough ink to finish -with. But a few minutes later he called to me again, and I moved to the -doorstep, where I sat listening, while apparently admiring the sea. He -explained that having been thus forced, he had almost finished the last -act, and it was a corker. And he said if he had his clothes and some -money, and a key to get out, he'd go right back to town with it and -put it in rehearsal. And at the same time he would give the Pattens -something to worry about over night. Because, play or no play, it was a -rotten thing to lock a man in a bath-house and take his clothes away. - -"But of course I can't get my clothes," he said. "They'll take cussed -good care of that. And there's the key too. We're up against it, little -sister." - -Although excited by his calling me thus, I retained my faculties, and -said: - -"I have a suit of clothes you can have." - -"Thanks awfully," he said. "But from the slight acquaintance we have -had, I don't believe they would fit me." - -"Gentleman's clothes," I said frigidly. - -"You have?" - -"In my studio," I said. "I can bring them, if you like. They look quite -good, although creased." - -"You know" he said, after a moment's silence, "I can't quite believe -this is really happening to me! Go and bring the suit of clothes, -and--you don't happen to have a cigar, I suppose?" - -"I have a large box of cigarettes." - -"It is true," I heard him say through the door. "It is all true. I am -here, locked in. The play is almost done. And a very young lady on the -doorstep is offering me a suit of clothes and tobacco. I pinch myself. I -am awake." - -Alas! Mingled with my joy at serving my ideal there was also grief. My -idle had feet of clay. He was a slave, like the rest of us, to his body. -He required clothes and tobacco. I felt that, before long, he might even -ask for an apple, or something to stay the pangs of hunger. This I felt -I could not bare. - -Perhaps I would better pass over quickly the events of the next hour. I -got the suit and the cigarettes, and even Jane's bath towel, and threw -them in to him. Also I believe he took a shower, as I heard the water -running, At about seven o'clock he said he had finished the play. He put -on the clothes which he observed almost fitted him, although gayer than -he usually wore, and said that if I would give him a hair pin he thought -he could pick the lock. But he did not succeed. - -Being now dressed, however, he drew a chair to the window and we -talked together. It seemed like a dream that I should be there, on such -intimate terms with a great playwright, who had just, even if under -compulsion, finished a last act, I bared my very soul to him, such as -about resembling Julia Marlowe, and no one understanding my craving to -achieve a place in the world of art. We were once interrupted by Hannah -looking for me for dinner. But I hid in a bath-house, and she went away. - -What was food to me compared with such a conversation? - -When Hannah had disappeared, he said suddenly: - -"It's rather unusual, isn't it, your having a suit of clothes and -everything in your--er--studio?" - -But I did not explain fully, merely saving that it was a painful story. - -At half past seven I saw mother on the veranda looking for me, and I -ducked out of sight, I was by this time very hungry, although I did not -like to mention the fact, But Mr. Beecher made a suggestion, which was -this: that the Pattens were evidently going to let him starve until -he got through work, and that he would see them in perdition before -he would be the butt for their funny remarks when they freed him. He -therefore tried to escape out the window, but stuck fast, and finally gave -it up. - -At last he said: - -"Look here, you're a curious child, but a nervy one. How'd you like to -see if you can get the key? If you do we'll go to a hotel and have a -real meal, and we can talk about your career." - -Although quivering with terror, I consented. How could I do otherwise, -with such a prospect? For now I began to see that all other emotions -previously felt were as nothing to this one. I confess, without shame, -that I felt the stirring of the tender passion in my breast. Ah me, that -it should have died ere it had hardly lived! - -"Where is the key?" I asked, in a rapt but anxious tone. - -He thought a while. - -"Generally," he said, "it hangs on a nail at the back entry. But the -chances are that Patten took it up to his room this time, for safety, -You'd know it if you saw it. It has some buttons off somebody's bathing -suit tied to it." - -Here it was necessary to hide again, as father came stocking out, -calling me in an angry tone. But shortly after-wards I was on my way -to the Patten's house, on shaking knees. It was by now twilight, that -beautiful period of romance, although the dinner hour also. Through the -dusk I sped, toward what? I knew not. - -The Pattens and the one-piece lady were at dinner, and having a very -good time, in spite of having locked a guest in the bath-house. Being -used to servants and prowling around, since at one time when younger I -had a habit of taking things from the pantry, I was quickly able to see -that the key was not in the entry. I therefore went around to the front -door and went in, being prepared, if discovered, to say that someone was -in their bath-house and they ought to know it. But I was not heard among -their sounds of revelry, and was able to proceed upstairs, which I did. - -But not having asked which was Mr. Patten's room, I was at a loss and -almost discovered by a maid who was turning down the beds--much too -early, also, and not allowed in the best houses until nine-thirty, since -otherwise the rooms look undressed and informal. - -I had but time to duck into another chamber, and from there to a closet. - -I REMAINED IN THAT CLOSET ALL NIGHT. - -I will explain. No sooner had the maid gone than a woman came into the -room and closed the door. I heard her moving around and I suddenly felt -that she was going to bed, and might get her robe de nuit out of the -closet. I was petrified. But it seems, while she really WAS undressing -at that early hour, the maid had laid her night clothes out, and I was -saved. - -Very soon a knock came to the door, and somebody came in, like Mrs. -Patten's voice and said: "You're not going to bed, surely!" - -"I'm going to pretend to have a sick headache," said the other person, -and I knew it was the one-piece lady. "He's going to come back in a -frenzy, and he'll take it out on me, unless I'm prepared." - -"Poor Reggie!" said Mrs. Patten, "To think of him locked in there alone, -and no clothes or anything. It's too funny for words." - -"You're not married to him." - -My heart stopped beating. Was SHE married to him? She was indeed. My -dream was over. And the worst part of it was that for a married man -I had done without food or exercise and now stood in a hot closet in -danger of a terrible fuss. - -"No, thank heaven!" said Mrs. Patten. "But it was the only way to make -him work. He is a lazy dog. But don't worry. We'll feed him before he -sees you. He's always rather tractable after he's fed." - -Were ALL my dreams to go? Would they leave nothing to my shattered -illusions? Alas, no. - -"Jolly him a little, too," said----can I write it?--Mrs. Beecher. "Tell -him he's the greatest thing in the world. That will help some. He's -vain, you know, awfully vain. I expect he's written a lot of piffle." - -Had they listened they would have heard a low, dry sob, wrung from -my tortured heart. But Mrs. Beecher had started a vibrator, and my -anguished cry was lost. - -"Well," said Mrs. Patten, "Will has gone down to let him out, I expect -he'll attack him. He's got a vile temper. I'll sit with you till he -comes back, if you don't mind. I'm feeling nervous." - -It was indeed painful to recall the next half hour. I must tell the -truth however. They discussed us, especially mother, who had not called. -They said that we thought we were the whole summer colony, although -every one was afraid of mother's tongue, and nobody would marry Leila, -except Carter Brooks, and he was poor and no prospects. And that I was -an incorrigible, and carried on something ghastly, and was going to be put -in a convent. I became justly furious and was about to step out and tell -them a few plain facts, when somebody hammered at the door and then came -in. It was Mr. Patten. - -"He's gone!" he said. - -"Well, he won't go far, in bathing trunks," said Mrs. Beecher. - -"That's just it. His bathing trunks are there." - -"Well, he won't go far without them!" - -"He's gone so far I can't locate him." - -I heard Mrs. Beecher get up. - -"Are you in earnest, Will?" she said. "Do you mean that he has gone -without a stitch of clothes, and can't be found?" - -Mrs. Patten gave a sort of screech. - -"You don't think--oh Will, he's so temperamental. You don't think he's -drowned himself?" - -"No such luck," said Mrs. Beecher, in a cold tone. I hated her for it. -True, he had deceived me. He was not as I had thought him. In our two -conversations he had not mentioned his wife, leaving me to believe him -free to love "where he listed," as the poet says. - -"There are a few clues," said Mr. Patten. "He got out by means of a wire -hairpin, for one thing. And he took the manuscript with him, which he'd -hardly have done if he meant to drown himself. Or even if, as we fear, -he had no pockets. He has smoked a lot of cigarettes out of a candy box, -which I did not supply him, and he left behind a bath towel that does -not, I think, belong to us." - -"I should think he would have worn it," said Mrs. Beecher, in a -scornful tone. - -"Here's the bath towel," Mr. Patten went on. "You may recognize the -initials. I don't." - -"B. P. A.," said Mrs. Beecher. "Look here, don't they call that--that -flibbertigibbet next door 'Barbara'?" - -"The little devil!" said Mr. Patten, in a raging tone. "She let him out, -and of course he's done no work on the play or anything. I'd like to -choke her." - -Nobody spoke then, and my heart beat fast and hard. I leave it to -anybody, how they'd like to be shut in a closet and threatened with a -violent death from without. Would or would they not ever be the same -person afterwords? - -"I'll tell you what I'd do," said the Beecher woman. "I'd climb up the -back of father, next door, and tell him what his little daughter has -done, because I know she's mixed up in it, towel or no towel. Reg is -always sappy when they're seventeen. And she's been looking moon-eyed at -him for days." - -Well, the Pattens went away, and Mrs. Beecher manicured her nails,--I -could hear her filing them--and sang around and was not much concerned, -although for all she knew he was in the briny deep, a corpse. How true -it is that "the paths of glory lead but to the grave." - -I got very tired and much hotter, and I sat down on the floor. After what -seemed like hours, Mrs. Patten came back, all breathless, and she said: - -"The girl's gone too, Clare." - -"What girl?" - -"Next door. If you want excitement, they've got it. The mother is in -hysterics and there's a party searching the beach for her body. The -truth is, of course, if that towel means anything." - -"That Reg has run away with her, of course," said Mrs. Beecher, in a -resigned tone. "I wish he would grow up and learn something. He's becoming -a nuisance. And when there are so many interesting people to run away -with, to choose that chit!" - -Yes, she said that, And in my retreat I could but sit and listen, and -of course perspire, which I did freely. Mrs. Patten went away, after -talking about the "scandal" for some time. And I sat and thought of the -beach being searched for my body, a thought which filled my eyes with -tears of pity for what might have been, I still hoped Mrs. Beecher would -go to bed, but she did not. Through the key hole I could see her with a -book, reading, and not caring at all that Mr. Beecher's body, and mine -too, might be washing about in the cruel sea, or have eloped to New York. - -I loathed her. - -At last I must have slept, for a bell rang, and there I was still in the -closet, and she was answering it. - -"Arrested?" she said, "Well, I should think he'd better be, if what you -say about clothing is true.... Well, then--what's he arrested for?... -Oh, kidnapping! Well, if I'm any judge, they ought to arrest the -Archibald girl for kidnapping HIM. No, don't bother me with it tonight. -I'll try to read myself to sleep." - -So this was marriage! Did she flee to her unjustly accused husband's side -and comfort him? Not she. She went to bed. - -At daylight, being about smothered, I opened the closet door and drew a -breath of fresh air. Also I looked at her, and she was asleep, with her -hair in patent wavers. Ye gods! - -The wife of Reginald Beecher thus to distort her looks at night! I could -not bare it. - -I averted my eyes, and on my tiptoes made for the window. - -My sufferings were over. In a short time I had slid down and was making -my way through the dewy morn toward my home. Before the sun was up, -or more than starting, I had climbed to my casement by means of a wire -trellis, and put on my 'robe de nuit'. But before I settled to sleep I -went to the pantry and there satisfied the pangs of hunger having had -nothing since breakfast the day before. All the lights seemed to be on, -on the lower floor, which I considered wasteful of Tanney, the butler. -But being sleepy, gave it no further thought. And so to bed, as the -great English dairy-keeper, Pepys, had said in his dairy. - -It seemed but a few moments later that I heard a scream, and opening my -eyes, saw Leila in the doorway. She screamed again, and mother came and -stood beside her. Although very drowsy, I saw that they still wore their -dinner clothes. - -They stared as if transfixed, and then mother gave a low moan, and said -to Sis: - -"That unfortunate man has been in jail all night." - -And Sis said: "Jane Raleigh is crazy. That's all." Then they looked at -me, and mother burst into tears. But Sis said: - -"You little imp! Don't tell me you've been in that bed all night. I KNOW -BETTER." - -I closed my eyes. They were not of the understanding sort, and never -would be. - -"If that's the way you feel I shall tell you nothing," I said wearily. - -"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" mother said, in a slow and dreadful voice. - -Well, I saw then that a part of the truth must be disclosed, especially -since she has for some time considered sending me to a convent, although -without cause, and has not done so for fear of my taking the veil. So I -told her this. I said: - -"I spent the night shut in a clothes closet, but where is my secret. -I cannot tell you." - -"Barbara! You MUST tell me." - -"It is not my secret alone, mother." - -She caught at the foot of the bed. - -"Who was shut with you in that closet?" she demanded in a shaking voice. -"Barbara, there is another wretched man in all this. It could not have -been Mr. Beecher, because he has been in the station house all night." - -I sat up, leaning on one elbow, and looked at her earnestly. - -"Mother" I said, "you have done enough damage, interfering with -careers--not only mine, but another's imperiled now by not having a -last act. I can tell you no more, except"--here my voice took on a deep -and intense fiber--"that I have done nothing to be ashamed of, although -unconventional." - -Mother put her hands to her face, and emitted a low, despairing cry. - -"Come," Leila said to her, as to a troubled child. "Come, and Hannah can -use the vibrator on your spine." - -So she went, but before she left she said: - -"Barbara, if you will only promise to be a good girl, and give us a -chance to live this scandal down, I will give you anything you ask for." - -"Mother!" Sis said, in an angry tone. - -"What can I do, Leila?" mother said. "The girl is attractive, and -probably men will always be following her and making trouble. Think of -last winter. I know it is bribery, but it is better than scandal." - -"I want nothing, mother," I said, in a low, heart stricken tone, "save to -be allowed to live my own life and to have a career." - -"My heavens," mother said, "if I hear that word again, I'll go crazy." - -So she went away, and Sis came over and looked down at me. - -"Well!" she said. "What's happened anyhow? Of course you've been up to -some mischief, but I don't suppose anybody will ever know the truth -of it. I was hoping you'd make it this time and get married, and stop -worrying us." - -"Go away, please, and let me sleep," I said. "As to getting married, -under no circumstances did I expect to marry him. He has a wife already. -Personally, I think she's a total loss. She wears patent wavers at -night, and sleeps with her mouth open. But who am I to interfere with -the marriage bond? I never have and never will." - -But Sis only gave me a wild look and went away. - - -This, dear readers and schoolmates, is the true story of my meeting with -and parting from Reginald Beecher, the playwright. Whatever the papers -may say, it is not true, except the fact that he was recognized by Jane -Raleigh, who knew the suit he wore, when in the act of pawning his ring -to get money to escape from his captors (I. E., The Pattens). It -was the necktie which struck her first, and also his guilty expression. -As I was missing by that time, Jane put two and two together and made an -elopement. - -Sometimes I sit and think things over, my fingers wandering "over the -ivory keys" of the typewriter they gave me to promise not to elope with -anybody--although such a thing is far from my mind--and the world seems -a cruel and unjust place, especially to those with ambition. - -For Reginald Beecher is no longer my ideal, my night of the pen. I will -tell about that in a few words. - -Jane Raleigh and I went to a matinee late in September before returning -to our institutions of learning. Jane clutched my arm as we looked at our -programs and pointed to something. - -How my heart beat! For whatever had come between us, I was still loyal -to him. - -This was a new play by him! - -"Ah," my heart seemed to say, "now again you will hear his dear words, -although spoken by alien mouths. - -"The love scenes----" - -I could not finish. Although married and forever beyond me, I could -still hear his manly tones as issuing from the door of the Bath-house. -I thrilled with excitement. As the curtain rose I closed my eyes in -ecstasy. - -"Bab!" Jane said, in a quavering tone. - -I looked. What did I see? The bath-house itself, the very one. And as -I stared I saw a girl, wearing her hair as I wear mine, cross the stage -with a bunch of keys in her hand, and say to the bath-house door. - -"Can't I do something to help? I do so want to help you." - -MY VERY WORDS. - -And a voice from beyond the bath-house door said: - -"Who's that?" - -HIS WORDS. - -I could bare no more. Heedless of Jane's protests and anguish, I got up -and went out, into the light of day. My body was bent with misery. -Because at last I knew that, like mother and all the rest, he too, did -not understand me and never would! To him I was but material, the stuff -that plays are made of!= - -```And now we know that he never could know, - -```And did not understand. - -```Kipling.= - -Ignoring Jane's observation that the tickets had cost two dollars each, -I gathered up the scattered skeins of my life together, and fled. - - - -CHAPTER III. HER DIARY: BEING THE DAILY JOURNAL OF THE SUB-DEB - - -JANUARY 1st. I have today received this diary from home, having come -back a few days early to make up a French condition. - -Weather, clear and cold. - -New Year's dinner. Roast chicken (Turkey being very expensive), mashed -turnips, sweet potatoes and mince pie. - -It is my intention to record in this book the details of my Daily Life, -my thoughts which are to sacred for utterance, and my ambitions. Because -who is there to whom I can speak them? I am surrounded by those who -exist for the mere pleasures of the day, or whose lives are bound up in -recitations. - -For instance, at dinner today, being mostly faculty and a few girls -who live in the far West, the conversation was entirely on buying a -phonograph for dancing because the music teacher has the measles and -is quarantined in the infirmary. And on Miss Everett's cousin, who has -written a play. - -When one looks at Miss Everett, one recognizes that no cousin of hers -could write a play. - -New Year's resolution--to help someone every day. Today helped -Mademoiselle to put on her rubbers. - - -JANUARY 2ND. Today I wrote my French theme, beginning, "Les hommes -songent moins a leur ame qua leur corps." Mademoiselle sent for me and -objected, saying that it was not a theme for a young girl, and that I -must write a new one, on the subject of pears. How is one to develop in -this atmosphere? - -Some of the girls are coming back. They straggle in, and put the favors -they got at cotillions on the dresser, and their holiday gifts, and each -one relates some amorous experience while at home. Dear Diary, is there -something wrong with me, that love has passed me by? I have had offers -of devotion but none that appealed to me, being mostly either too young or -not attracting me by physical charm. I am not cold, although frequently -accused of it, Beneath my frigid exterior beats a warm heart. I intend -to be honest in this diary, and so I admit it. But, except for passing -fancies--one being, alas, for a married man--I remain without the divine -passion. - -What must it be to thrill at the approach of the loved form? To harken -to each ring of the telephone bell, in the hope that, if it is not -the idolized voice, it is at least a message from it? To waken in the -morning and, looking around the familiar room, to muse: "Today I may see -him--on the way to the post office, or rushing past in his racing car." -And to know that at the same moment HE to is musing: "Today I may see -her, as she exercises herself at basket ball, or mounts her horse for a -daily canter!" - -Although I have no horse. The school does not care for them, considering -walking the best exercise. - -Have flunked the French again, Mademoiselle not feeling well, and -marking off for the smallest thing. - -Today's helpful deed--assisted one of the younger girls with her -spelling. - - -JANUARY 4TH. Miss Everett's cousin's play is coming here. The school is -to have free tickets, as they are "trying it on the dog." Which means -seeing if it is good enough for the large cities. - -We have decided, if Everett marks us well in English from now on, to -applaud it, but if she is unpleasant, to sit still and show no interest. - - -JANUARY 5TH, 6TH, 7TH, 8TH. Bad weather, which is depressing to one of -my temperament. Also boil on nose. - -A few helpful deeds--nothing worth putting down. - - -JANUARY 9TH. Boil cut. - -Again I can face my image in my mirror, and not shrink. - -Mademoiselle is sick and no French. MISERICORDE! - -Helpful deed--sent Mademoiselle some fudge, but this school does not -encourage kindness. Reprimanded for cooking in room. School sympathizes -with me. We will go to Miss Everett's cousin's play, but we will damn it -with faint praise. - - -JANUARY 10TH. I have written this date, and now I sit back and regard -it. As it is impressed on this white paper, so, Dear Diary, is it -written on my soul. To others it may be but the tenth of January. To me -it is the day of days. Oh, tenth of January! Oh, Monday. Oh, day of my -awakening! - -It is now late at night, and around me my schoolmates are sleeping the -sleep of the young and heart free. Lights being off, I am writing by the -faint luminosity of a candle. Propped up in bed, my mackinaw coat over -my 'robe de nuit' for warmth, I sit and dream. And as I dream I still hear -in my ears his final words: "My darling. My woman!" - -How wonderful to have them said to one night after night, the while -being in his embrace, his tender arms around one! I refer to the heroine -in the play, to whom he says the above rapturous words. - -Coming home from the theater tonight, still dazed with the revelation of -what I am capable of, once aroused, I asked Miss Everett if her cousin -had said anything about Mr. Egleston being in love with the leading -character. She observed: - -"No. But he may be. She is very pretty." - -"Possibly," I remarked. "But I should like to see her in the morning, -when she gets up." - -All the girls were perfectly mad about Mr. Egleston, although pretending -merely to admire his Art. But I am being honest, as I agreed at the -start, and now I know, as I sit here with the soft, although chilly -breezes of the night blowing on my hot brow, now I know that this thing -that has come to me is Love. Moreover, it is the Love of my Life. He will -never know it, but I am his. He is exactly my ideal, strong and tall and -passionate. And clever, too. He said some awfully clever things. - -I believe that he saw me. He looked in my direction. But what does it -matter? I am small, insignificant. He probably thinks me a mere child, -although seventeen. - -What matters, oh Diary, is that I am at last in Love. It is hopeless. -Just now, when I had written that word, I buried my face in my hands. -There is no hope. None. I shall never see him again. He passed out of my -life on the 11:45 train. But I love him. MON DIEU, how I love him! - - -JANUARY 11TH. We are going home. WE ARE GOING HOME. WE ARE GOING HOME. -WE ARE GOING HOME! - -Mademoiselle has the measles. - - -JANUARY 13TH. The family managed to restrain its ecstasy on seeing me -today. The house is full of people, as they are having a dinner-dance -tonight. Sis had moved into my room, to let one of the visitors have -hers, and she acted in a very unfilial manner when she came home and -found me in it. - -"Well!" she said. "Expelled at last?" - -"Not at all," I replied in a lofty manner. "I am here through no fault -of my own. And I'd thank you to have Hannah take your clothes off my -bed." - -She gave me a bitter glance. - -"I never knew it to fail!" she said. "Just as everything is fixed, and -we're recovering from you're being here for the holidays, you come back -and stir up a lot of trouble. What brought you, anyhow?" - -"Measles." - -She snatched up her ball gown. - -"Very well," she said. "I'll see that you're quarantined, Miss Barbara, -all right. And If you think you're going to slip downstairs tonight -after dinner and WORM yourself into this party, I'll show you." - -She flounced out, and shortly afterward mother took a minute from the -florist, and came upstairs. - -"I do hope you are not going to be troublesome, Barbara," she said. "You -are too young to understand, but I want everything to go well tonight, -and Leila ought not to be worried." - -"Can't I dance a little?" - -"You can sit on the stairs and watch." She looked fidgety. "I--I'll -send up a nice dinner, and you can put on your dark blue, with a fresh -collar, and--it ought to satisfy you, Barbara, that you are at home and -possibly have brought the measles with you, without making a lot of fuss. -When you come out----" - -"Oh, very well," I murmured, in a resigned tone. "I don't care enough -about it to want to dance with a lot of souses anyhow." - -"Barbara!" said mother. - -"I suppose you have some one on the string for her," I said, with the -abandon of my thwarted hopes. "Well, I hope she gets him. Because if not, -I daresay I shall be kept in the cradle for years to come." - -"You will come out when you reach a proper age," she said, "if your -impertinence does not kill me off before my time." - -Dear Diary, I am fond of my mother, and I felt repentant and stricken. - -So I became more agreeable, although feeling all the time that she does -not and never will understand my temperament. I said: - -"I don't care about society, and you know it, mother. If you'll keep -Leila out of this room, which isn't much but is my castle while here, -I'll probably go to bed early." - -"Barbara, sometimes I think you have no affection for your sister." - -I had agreed to honesty January first, so I replied. - -"I have, of course, mother. But I am fonder of her while at school than -at home. And I should be a better sister if not condemned to her old -things, including hats which do not suit my type." - -Mother moved over majestically to the door and shut it. Then she came -and stood over me. - -"I've come to the conclusion, Barbara," she said, "to appeal to your -better nature. Do you wish Leila to be married and happy?" - -"I've just said, mother----" - -"Because a very interesting thing is happening," said mother, trying to -look playful. "I--a chance any girl would jump at." - -So here I sit, Dear Diary, while there are sounds of revelry below, and -Sis jumps at her chance, which is the Honorable Page Beresford, who is -an Englishman visiting here because he has a weak heart and can't fight. -And father is away on business, and I am all alone. - -I have been looking for a rash, but no luck. - -Ah me, how the strains of the orchestra recall that magic night in the -theater when Adrian Egleston looked down into my eyes and although -ostensibly to an actress, said to my beating heart: "My Darling! My -Woman!" - - -3 A. M. I wonder if I can control my hands to write. - -In mother's room across the hall I can hear furious voices, and I know -that Leila is begging to have me sent to Switzerland. Let her beg. -Switzerland is not far from England, and in England---- - -Here I pause to reflect a moment. How is this thing possible? Can I love -members of the other sex? And if such is the case, how can I go on -with my life? Better far to end it now, than to perchance marry one, and -find the other still in my heart. The terrible thought has come to me -that I am fickle. - -Fickle or polygamous--which? - -Dear Diary, I have not been a good girl. My New Year's Resolutions have -gone to airy nothing. - -The way they went was this: I had settled down to a quiet evening, -spent with his beloved picture which I had clipped from a newspaper. -(Adrian's. I had not as yet met the other.) And, as I sat in my chamber, -I grew more and more desolate. I love life, although pessimistic at -times. And it seemed hard that I should be there, in exile, while my -sister, only 20 months older, was jumping at her chance below. - -At last I decided to try on one of Sis's frocks and see how I looked in -it. I thought, if it looked all right, I might hang over the stairs and -see what I then scornfully termed "His Nibs." Never again shall I so -call him. - -I got an evening gown from Sis's closet, and it fitted me quite well, -although tight at the waste for me, owing to basketball. It was also -too low, so that when I had got it all hooked about four inches of my -lingerie showed. As it had been hard as anything to hook, I was obliged -to take the scissors and cut off the said lingerie. The result was good, -although very decollete. I have no bones in my neck, or practically so. - -And now came my moment of temptation. How easy to put my hair up on -my head, and then, by the servant's staircase, make my way to the scene -below! - -I, however, considered that I looked pale, although mature. I looked -at least nineteen. So I went into Sis's room, which was full of evening -wraps but empty, and put on a touch of rouge. With that and my eyebrows -blackened, I would not have known myself, had I not been certain it was I -and no other. - -I then made my way down the back stairs. - -Ah me, Dear Diary, was that but a few hours ago? Is it but a short time -since Mr. Beresford was sitting at my feet, thinking me a debutante, -and staring soulfully into my very heart? Is it but a matter of minutes -since Leila found us there, and in a manner which revealed the true -feeling she has for me, ordered me to go upstairs and take off Maddie -Mackenzie's gown? - -(Yes, it was not Leila's after all. I had forgotten that Maddie had -taken her room. And except for pulling it somewhat at the waist, I am -sure I did not hurt the old thing.) - -I shall now go to bed and dream. Of which one I know not. My heart is -full. Romance has come at last into my dull and dreary life. Below, the -revelers have gone. The flowers hang their herbaceous heads. The music -has flowed away into the river of the past. I am alone with my Heart. - - -JANUARY 14TH. How complicated my life grows, Dear Diary! How full and -yet how incomplete! How everything begins and nothing ends! - -HE is in town. - -I discovered it at breakfast. I knew I was in for it, and I got down -early, counting on mother breakfasting in bed. I would have felt better -if father had been at home, because he understands somewhat the way they -keep me down. But he was away about an order for shells (not sea; war), -and I was to bare my chiding alone. I had eaten my fruit and cereal, and -was about to begin on sausage, when mother came in, having risen early -from her slumbers to take the decorations to the hospital. - -"So here you are, wretched child!" she said, giving me one of her coldest -looks. "Barbara, I wonder if you ever think whither you are tending." - -I ate a sausage. - -What, Dear Diary, was there to say? - -"To disobey!" she went on. "To force yourself on the attention of Mr. -Beresford, in a borrowed dress, with your eyelashes blackened and your -face painted----" - -"I should think, mother," I observed, "that if he wants to marry into -this family, and is not merely being dragged into it, that he ought to -see the worst at the start." She glared, without speaking. "You know," I -continued, "it would be a dreadful thing to have the ceremony performed -and everything too late to back out, and then have ME sprung on him. It -wouldn't be honest, would it?" - -"Barbara!" she said in a terrible tone. "First disobedience, and now -sarcasm. If your father was only here! I feel so alone and helpless." - -Her tone cut me to the heart. After all she was my own mother, or at -least maintained so, in spite of numerous questions engendered by our -lack of resemblance, moral as well as physical. But I did not offer -to embarrass her, as she was at that moment poring out her tea. I hid my -misery behind the morning paper, and there I beheld the fated vision. -Had I felt any doubt as to the state of my affections it was settled -then. My heart leaped in my bosom. My face suffused. My hands trembled -so that a piece of sausage slipped from my fork. His picture looked out -at me with that well remembered gaze from the depths of the morning -paper! - -Oh, Adrian, Adrian! - -Here in the same city as I, looking out over perchance the same -newspaper to perchance the same sun, wondering--ah, what was he -wondering? - -I was not even then, in that first rapture, foolish about him. I knew -that to him I was probably but a tender memory. I knew, too, that he was -but human and probably very conceited. On the other hand, I pride myself -on being a good judge of character, and he carried nobility in every -lineament. Even the obliteration of one eye by the printer could only -hamper but not destroy his dear face. - -"Barbara," mother said sharply. "I am speaking. Are you being sulky?" - -"Pardon me, mother," I said in my gentlest tones. "I was but dreaming." -And as she made no reply, but rang the bell viciously, I went on, -pursuing my line of thought. "Mother, were you ever in love?" - -"Love! What sort of love?" - -I sat up and stared at her. - -"Is there more than one sort?" I demanded. - -"There is a very silly, schoolgirl love," she said, eying me, "that -people outgrow and blush to look back on." - -"Do you?" - -"Do I what?" - -"Do you blush to look back on it?" - -Mother rose and made a sweeping gesture with her right arm. - -"I wash my hands of you!" she said. "You are impertinent and indelicate. -At your age I was an innocent child, not troubling with things that did -not concern me. As for love, I had never heard of it until I came out." - -"Life must have burst on you like an explosion," I observed. "I suppose -you thought that babies----" - -"Silence!" mother shrieked. And seeing that she persisted in ignoring -the real things of life while in my presence, I went out, clutching the -precious paper to my heart. - - -JANUARY 15TH. I am alone in my boudoir (which is really the old -schoolroom, and used now for a sewing room). - -My very soul is sick, oh Diary. How can I face the truth? How write it -out for my eyes to see? But I must. For something must be done! The play -is failing. - -The way I discovered it was this. Yesterday, being short of money, I -sold my amethyst pin to Jane, one of the housemaids, for two dollars, -throwing in a lace collar when she seemed doubtful, as I had a special -purpose for using funds. Had father been at home I could have touched -him, but mother is different. - -I then went out to buy a frame for his picture, which I had repaired by -drawing in the other eye, although lacking the fire and passionate look -of the original. At the shop I was compelled to show it, to buy a frame -to fit. The clerk was almost overpowered. - -"Do you know him?" she asked, in a low and throbbing tone. - -"Not intimately," I replied. - -"Don't you love the Play?" she said. "I'm crazy about it. I've been back -three times. Parts of it I know off by heart. He's very handsome. That -picture don't do him justice." - -I gave her a searching glance. Was it possible that, without any -acquaintance with him whatever, she had fallen in love with him? It was -indeed. She showed it in every line of her silly face. - -I drew myself up haughtily. "I should think it would be very expensive, -going so often," I said, in a cool tone. - -"Not so very. You see, the play is a failure, and they give us girls -tickets to dress the house. Fill it up, you know. Half the girls in the -store are crazy about Mr. Egleston." - -My world shuddered about me. What--fail! That beautiful play, ending "My -darling, my woman"? It could not be. Fate would not be cruel. Was there -no appreciation of the best in art? Was it indeed true, as Miss Everett -has complained, although not in these exact words, that the Theater was -only supported now by chorus girls' legs, dancing about in utter abandon? - -With an expression of despair on my features, I left the store, carrying -the frame under my arm. - -One thing is certain. I must see the play again, and judge it with a -critical eye. IF IT IS WORTH SAVING, IT MUST BE SAVED. - - -JANUARY 16TH. Is it only a day since I saw you, Dear Diary? Can so much -have happened in the single lapse of a few hours? I look in my mirror, -and I look much as before, only with perhaps a touch of pallor. Who -would not be pale? - -I have seen HIM again, and there is no longer any doubt in my heart. -Page Beresford is attractive, and if it were not for circumstances as -they are I would not answer for the consequences. But things ARE as they -are. There is no changing that. And I have read my own heart. - -I am not fickle. On the contrary, I am true as steal. - -I have put his picture under my mattress, and have given Jane my gold -cuff pins to say nothing when she makes my bed. And now, with the house -full of people downstairs acting in a flippant and noisy manner, I shall -record how it all happened. - -My financial condition was not improved this morning, father having not -returned. But I knew that I must see the play, as mentioned above, even -if it became necessary to borrow from Hannah. At last, seeing no other -way, I tried this, but failed. - -"What for?" she said, in a suspicious way. - -"I need it terribly, Hannah," I said. - -"You'd ought to get it from your mother, then, Miss Barbara. The last -time I gave you some you paid it back in postage stamps, and I haven't -written a letter since. They're all stuck together now, and a total -loss." - -"Very well," I said, frigidly. "But the next time you break -anything----" - -"How much do you want?" she asked. - -I took a quick look at her, and I saw at once that she had decided to -lend it to me and then run and tell mother, beginning, "I think you'd -ought to know, Mrs. Archibald----" - -"Nothing doing, Hannah," I said, in a most dignified manner. "But I -think you are an old clam, and I don't mind saying so." - -I was now thrown on my own resources, and very bitter. I seemed to have -no friends, at a time when I needed them most, when I was, as one may -say, "standing with reluctant feet, where the brook and river meet." - -Tonight I am no longer sick of life, as I was then. My throws of anguish -have departed. But I was then utterly reckless, and even considered -running away and going on the stage myself. - -I have long desired a career for myself, anyhow. I have a good mind, and -learn easily, and I am not a parasite. The idea of being such has always -been repugnant to me, while the idea of a few dollars at a time doled -out to one of independent mind is galling. And how is one to remember -what one has done with one's allowance, when it is mostly eaten up -by small loans, carfare, stamps, church collection, rose water and -glycerin, and other mild cosmetics, and the additional food necessary -when one is still growing? - -To resume, Dear Diary; having utterly failed with Hannah, and having -shortly after met Sis on the stairs, I said to her, in a sisterly tone, -intimate rather than fond: - -"I daresay you can lend me five dollars for a day or so." - -"I daresay I can. But I won't," was her cruel reply. - -"Oh, very well," I said briefly. But I could not refrain from making a -grimace at her back, and she saw me in a mirror. - -"When I think," she said heartlessly, "that that wretched school may be -closed for weeks, I could scream." - -"Well, scream!" I replied. "You'll scream harder if I've brought the -measles home on me. And if you're laid up, you can say good-bye to the -dishonorable. You've got him tied, maybe," I remarked, "but not thrown -as yet." - -(A remark I had learned from one of the girls, Trudie Mills, who comes -from Montana.) - -I was therefore compelled to dispose of my silver napkin ring from school. -Jane was bought up, she said, and I sold it to the cook for fifty cents -and half a mince pie although baked with our own materials. - -All my fate, therefore, hung on a paltry fifty cents. - -I was torn with anxiety. Was it enough? Could I, for fifty cents, steal -away from the sordid cares of life, and lose myself in obliviousness, -gazing only it his dear face, listening to his dear and softly modulated -voice, and wondering if, as his eyes swept the audience, they might -perchance light on me and brighten with a momentary gleam in their -unfathomable depths? Only this and nothing more, was my expectation. - -How different was the reality! - -Having ascertained that there was a matinee, I departed at an early hour -after luncheon, wearing my blue velvet with my fox furs. White gloves -and white topped shoes completed my outfit, and, my own chapeau showing -the effect of a rainstorm on the way home from church while away at -school, I took a chance on one of Sis's, a perfectly maddening one of -rose-colored velvet. As the pink made me look pale, I added a touch of -rouge. - -I looked fully out, and indeed almost second season. I have a way of -assuming a serious and mature manner, so that I am frequently taken -for older than I really am. Then, taking a few roses left from the -decorations, and thrusting them carelessly into the belt of my coat, -I went out the back door, as Sis was getting ready for some girls to play -bridge, in the front of the house. - -Had I felt any grief at deceiving my family, the bridge party would -have knocked them. For, as usual, I had not been asked, although playing -a good game myself, and having on more than one occasion won most of the -money in the Upper House at school. - -I was early at the theater. No one was there, and women were going -around taking covers off the seats. My fifty cents gave me a good seat, -from which I opined, alas, that the shop girl had been right and business -was rotten. But at last, after hours of waiting, the faint tuning of -musical instruments was heard. - -From that time I lived in a daze. I have never before felt so strange. -I have known and respected the other sex, and indeed once or twice been -kissed by it. But I had remained cold. My pulses had never fluttered. -I was always concerned only with the fear that others had overseen -and would perhaps tell. But now--I did not care who would see, if only -Adrian would put his arms about me. Divine shamelessness! Brave Rapture! -For if one who he could not possibly love, being so close to her in her -make-up, if one who was indeed employed to be made love to, could submit -in public to his embraces, why should not I, who would have died for -him? - -These were my thoughts as the play went on. The hours flew on joyous -feet. When Adrian came to the footlights and looking apparently square -at me, declaimed: "The world owes me a living. I will have it," I almost -swooned. His clothes were worn. He looked hungry and gaunt. But how -true that= - - ``"Rags are royal raiment, when worn for virtue's sake."= - -(I shall stop here and go down to the pantry. I could eat no dinner, -being filled with emotion. But I must keep strong if I am to help Adrian -in his trouble. The mince pie was excellent, but after all pastry does -not take the place of solid food.) - - -LATER: I shall now go on with my recital. As the theater was almost -empty, at the end of Act One I put on the pink hat and left it on as -though absent-minded. There was no one behind me. And, although during -act one I had thought that he perhaps felt my presence, he had not once -looked directly at me. - -But the hat captured his errant gaze, as one may say. And, after capture, -it remained on my face, so much so that I flushed and a woman sitting -near with a very plain girl in a skunk collar, observed: - -"Really, it is outrageous." - -Now came a moment which I thrill even to recollect. For Adrian plucked -a pink rose from a vase--he was in the millionaire's house, and was -starving in the midst of luxury--and held it to his lips. - -The rose, not the house, of course. Looking over it, he smiled down at -me. - - -LATER: It is midnight. I cannot sleep. Perchance he too, is lying awake. -I am sitting at the window in my robe de nuit. Below, mother and Sis -have just come in, and Smith has slammed the door of the car and gone -back to the garage. How puny is the life my family leads! Nothing but -eating and playing, with no higher thoughts. - -A man has just gone by. For a moment I thought I recognized the -footstep. But no, it was but the night watchman. - - -JANUARY 17TH. Father still away. No money, as mother absolutely refuses -on account of Maddie Mackenzie's gown, which she had to send away to be -repaired. - - -JANUARY 18TH. Father still away. The Hon. sent Sis a huge bunch of -orchids today. She refused me even one. She is always tight with flowers -and candy. - - -JANUARY 19TH. The paper says that Adrian's play is going to close -the end of next week. No business. How can I endure to know that he -is suffering, and that I cannot help, even to the extent of buying one -ticket? Matinee today, and no money. Father still away. - -I have tried to do a kind deed today, feeling that perhaps it would -soften mother's heart and she would advance my allowance. I offered to -manicure her nails for her, but she refused, saying that as Hannah had -done it for many years, she guessed she could manage now. - - -JANUARY 20TH. Today I did a desperate thing, dear Diary. - - -"The desperate is the wisest course." Butler. - - -It is Sunday. I went to church, and thought things over. What a -wonderful thing it would be if I could save the play! Why should I feel -that my sex is a handicap? - -The rector preached on "The Opportunities of Women." The Sermon gave -me courage to go on. When he said, "Women today step in where men are -afraid to tread, and bring success out of failure," I felt that it was -meant for me. - -Had no money for the plate, and mother attempted to smuggle a half dollar -to me. I refused, however, as if I cannot give my own money to the -heathen, I will give none. Mother turned pale, and the man with the -plate gave me a black look. What can he know of my reasons? - -Beresford lunched with us, and as I discouraged him entirely, he was -very attentive to Sis. Mother is planing a big wedding, and I found Sis -in the store room yesterday looking up mother's wedding veil. - -No old stuff for me. - -I guess Beresford is trying to forget that he kissed my hand the other -night, for he called me "Little Miss Barbara" today, meaning little in -the sense of young. I gave him a stern glance. - -"I am not any littler than the other night," I observed. - -"That was merely an affectionate diminutive," he said, looking -uncomfortable. - -"If you don't mind," I said coldly, "you might do as you have -heretofore--reserve your affectionate advances until we are alone." - -"Barbara!" mother said. And began quickly to talk about a Lady Something -or other we'd met on a train in Switzerland. Because--they can talk -until they are black in the face, dear Diary, but it is true we do not -know any of the British Nobility, except the aforementioned and the man -who comes once a year with flavoring extracts, who says he is the third -son of a baronet. - -Every one being out this afternoon, I suddenly had an inspiration, and -sent for Carter Brooks. I then put my hair up and put on my blue silk, -because while I do not believe in woman using her feminine charm when -talking business, I do believe that she should look her best under any -and all circumstances. - -He was rather surprised not to find Sis in, as I had used her name in -telephoning. - -"I did it," I explained, "because I knew that you felt no interest in -me, and I had to see you." - -He looked at me, and said: - -"I'm rather flabbergasted, Bab. I--what ought I to say, anyhow?" - -He came very close, dear Diary, and suddenly I saw in his eyes the -horrible truth. He thought me in love with him, and sending for him while -the family was out. - -Words cannot paint my agony of soul. I stepped back, but he seized my -hand, in a caressing gesture. - -"Bab!" he said. "Dear little Bab!" - -Had my affections not been otherwise engaged, I should have thrilled at -his accents. But, although handsome and of good family, though poor, -I could not see it that way. - -So I drew my hand away, and retreated behind a sofa. - -"We must have an understanding, Carter" I Said. "I have sent for you, -but not for the reason you seem to think. I am in desperate trouble." - -He looked dumfounded. - -"Trouble!" he said. "You! Why, little Bab" - -"If you don't mind," I put in, rather pettishly, because of not being -little, "I wish you would treat me like almost a debutante, if not -entirely. I am not a child in arms." - -"You are sweet enough to be, if the arms might be mine." - -I have puzzled over this, since, dear Diary. Because there must be -some reason why men fall in love with me. I am not ugly, but I am not -beautiful, my nose being too short. And as for clothes, I get none -except Leila's old things. But Jane Raleigh says there are women like -that. She has a cousin who has had four husbands and is beginning on -a fifth, although not pretty and very slovenly, but with a mass of red -hair. - -Are all men to be my lovers? - -"Carter," I said earnestly, "I must tell you now that I do not care for -you--in that way." - -"What made you send for me, then?" - -"Good gracious!" I exclaimed, losing my temper somewhat. "I can send for -the ice man without his thinking I'm crazy about him, can't I?" - -"Thanks." - -"The truth is," I said, sitting down and motioning him to a seat in my -maturest manner, "I--I want some money. There are many things, but the -money comes first." - -He just sat and looked at me with his mouth open. - -"Well," he said at last, "of course--I suppose you know you've come to a -Bank that's gone into the hands of a receiver. But aside from that, -Bab, it's a pretty mean trick to send for me and let me think--well, no -matter about that. How much do you want?" - -"I can pay it back as soon as father comes home," I said, to relieve his -mind. It is against my principals to borrow money, especially from one who -has little or none. But since I was doing it, I felt I might as well ask -for a lot. - -"Could you let me have ten dollars?" I said, in a faint tone. - -He drew a long breath. - -"Well, I guess yes," he observed. "I thought you were going to touch me -for a hundred, anyhow. I--I suppose you wouldn't give me a kiss and call -it square." - -I considered. Because after all, a kiss is not much, and ten dollars is -a good deal. But at last my better nature won out. - -"Certainly not," I said coldly. "And if there is a string to it I do not -want it." - -So he apologized, and came and sat beside me, without being a nuisance, -and asked me what my other troubles were. - -"Carter" I said, in a grave voice, "I know that you believe me young -and incapable of affection. But you are wrong. I am of a most loving -disposition." - -"Now see here, Bab," he said. "Be fair. If I am not to hold your hand, -or--or be what you call a nuisance, don't talk like this. I am but -human," he said, "and there is something about you lately that--well, go -on with your story. Only, as I say, don't try me to far." - -"It's like this," I explained. "Girls think they are cold and distant, -and indeed, frequently are." - -"Frequently!" - -"Until they meet the right one. Then they learn that their hearts are, -as you say, but human." - -"Bab," he said, suddenly turning and facing me, "an awful thought has -come to me. You are in love--and not with me!" - -"I am in love, and not with you," I said in tragic tones. - -I had not thought he would feel it deeply--because of having been -interested in Leila since they went out in their perambulators together. -But I could see it was a shock to him. He got up and stood looking in -the fire, and his shoulders shook with grief. - -"So I have lost you," he said in a smothered voice. And then--"Who is -the sneaking scoundrel?" - -I forgave him this, because of his being upset, and in a rapt attitude I -told him the whole story. He listened, as one in a daze. - -"But I gather," he said, when at last the recital was over, "that you -have never met the--met him." - -"Not in the ordinary use of the word," I remarked. "But then it is -not an ordinary situation. We have met and we have not. Our eyes have -spoken, if not our vocal chords." Seeing his eyes on me I added, "if -you do not believe that soul can cry unto soul, Carter, I shall go no -further." - -"Oh!" he exclaimed. "There is more, is there? I trust it is not -painful, because I have stood as much as I can now without breaking -down." - -"Nothing of which I am ashamed," I said, rising to my full height. "I -have come to you for help, Carter. That play must not fail!" - -We faced each other over those vital words--faced, and found no -solution. - -"Is it a good play?" he asked, at last. - -"It is a beautiful play. Oh, Carter, when at the end he takes his -sweetheart in his arms--the leading lady, and not at all attractive. Jane -Raleigh says that the star generally hates his leading lady--there is not -a dry eye in the house." - -"Must be a jolly little thing. Well, of course I'm no theatrical -manager, but if it's any good there's only one way to save it. -Advertise. I didn't know the piece was in town, which shows that the -publicity has been rotten." - -He began to walk the floor. I don't think I have mentioned it, but that -is Carter's business. Not walking the floor. Advertising. Father says he -is quite good, although only beginning. - -"Tell me about it," he said. - -So I told him that Adrian was a mill worker, and the villain makes him -lose his position, by means of forgery. And Adrian goes to jail, and -comes out, and no one will give him work. So he prepares to blow up -a millionaire's house, and his sweetheart is in it. He has been to the -millionaire for work and been refused and thrown out, saying, just before -the butler and three footmen push him through a window, in dramatic -tones, "The world owes me a living and I will have it." - -"Socialism!" said Carter. "Hard stuff to handle for the two dollar -seats. The world owes him a living. Humph! Still, that's a good line to -work on. Look here, Bab, give me a little time on this, eh what? I may -be able to think of a trick or two. But mind, not a word to any one." - -He started out, but he came back. - -"Look here," he said. "Where do we come in on this anyhow? Suppose I do -think of something--what then? How are we to know that your beloved and -his manager will thank us for butting in, or do what we suggest?" - -Again I drew myself to my full height. - -"I am a person of iron will when my mind is made up," I said. "You think -of something, Carter, and I'll see that it is done." - -He gazed at me in a rapt manner. - -"Dammed if I don't believe you," he said. - -It is now late at night. Beresford has gone. The house is still. I take -the dear picture out from under my mattress and look at it. - -Oh Adrien, my Thespian, my Love. - - -JANUARY 21ST. I have a bad cold, Dear Diary, and feel rotten. But only -my physical condition is such. I am happy beyond words. This morning, -while mother and Sis were out I called up the theater and inquired the -price of a box. The man asked me to hold the line, and then came back -and said it would be ten dollars. I told him to reserve it for Miss -Putnam--my middle name. - -I am both terrified and happy, dear Diary, as I lie here in bed with a -hot water bottle at my feet. I have helped the play by buying a box, -and tonight I shall sit in it alone, and he will perceive me there, and -consider that I must be at least twenty, or I would not be there at -the theater alone. Hannah has just come in and offered to lend me three -dollars. I refused haughtily, but at last rang for her and took two. I -might as well have a taxi tonight. - - -1 A. M. The family was there! I might have known it. Never do I have -any luck. I am a broken thing, crushed to earth. But "Truth crushed to -earth will rise again."--Whittier? - -I had my dinner in bed, on account of my cold, and was let severely alone -by the family. At seven I rose and with palpitating fingers dressed -myself in my best evening frock, which is a pale yellow. I put my hair -up, and was just finished, when mother knocked. It was terrible. - -I had to duck back into bed and crush everything. But she only looked in -and said to try and behave for the next three hours, and went away. - -At a quarter to eight I left the house in a clandestine manner by means -of the cellar and the area steps, and on the pavement drew a long breath. -I was free, and I had twelve dollars. - -Act One went well, and no disturbance. Although Adrian started when he -saw me. The yellow looked very well. - -I had expected to sit back, sheltered by the curtains, and only visible -from the stage. I have often read of this method. But there were no -curtains. I therefore sat, turning a stoney profile to the audience, and -ignoring it, as though it were not present, trusting to luck that no -one I knew was there. - -He saw me. More than that, he hardly took his eyes from the box wherein -I sat. I am sure to that he had mentioned me to the company, for one and -all they stared at me until I think they will know me the next time they -see me. - -I still think I would not have been recognized by the family had I not, -in a very quiet scene, commenced to sneeze. I did this several times, and -a lot of people looked annoyed, as though I sneezed because I liked -to sneeze. And I looked back at them defiantly, and in so doing, -encountered the gaze of my maternal parent. - -Oh, Dear Diary, that I could have died at that moment, and thus, when -stretched out a pathetic figure, with tuber roses and other flowers, have -compelled their pity. But alas, no. I sneezed again! - -Mother was wedged in, and I saw that my only hope was flight. I had not -had more than between three and four dollars worth of the evening, but -I glanced again and Sis was boring holes into me with her eyes. Only -Beresford knew nothing, and was trying to hold Sis's hand under her -opera cloak. Any fool could tell that. - -But, as I was about to rise and stand poised, as one may say, for -departure, I caught Adrian's eyes, with a gleam in their deep depths. He -was, at the moment, toying with the bowl of roses. He took one out, -and while the leading lady was talking, he edged his way toward my box. -There, standing very close, apparently by accident, he dropped the rose -into my lap. - -Oh Diary! Diary! - -I picked it up, and holding it close to me, I flew. - -I am now in bed and rather chilly. Mother banged at the door some time -ago, and at last went away, muttering. - -I am afraid she is going to be pettish. - - -JANUARY 22ND. Father came home this morning, and things are looking up. -Mother of course tackled him first thing, and when he came upstairs I -expected an awful time. But my father is a real person, so he only sat -down on the bed, and said: - -"Well, chicken, so you're at it again!" - -I had to smile, although my chin shook. - -"You'd better turn me out and forget me," I said. "I was born for -trouble. My advice to the family is to get out from under. That's all." - -"Oh, I don't know," he said. "It's pretty convenient to have a family -to drop on when the slump comes." He thumped himself on the chest. -"A hundred and eighty pounds," he observed, "just intended for little -daughters to fall back on when other things fail." - -"Father," I inquired, putting my hand in his, because I had been bearing -my burdens alone, and my strength was failing: "do you believe in Love?" - -"DO I!" - -"But I mean, not the ordinary attachment between two married people. I -mean Love--the real thing." - -"I see! Why, of course I do." - -"Did you ever read Pope, father?" - -"Pope? Why I--probably, chicken. Why?" - -"Then you know what he says: 'Curse on all laws but those which Love has -made.'" - -"Look here," he said, suddenly laying a hand on my brow. "I believe you -are feverish." - -"Not feverish, but in trouble," I explained. And so I told him the -story, not saying much of my deep passion for Adrian, but merely that -I had formed an attachment for him which would persist during life. -Although I had never yet exchanged a word with him. - -Father listened and said it was indeed a sad story, and that he knew my -deep nature, and that I would be true to the end. But he refused to -give me any money, except enough to pay back Hannah and Carter Brooks, -saying: - -"Your mother does not wish you to go to the theater again, and who are -we to go against her wishes? And anyhow, maybe if you met this fellow -and talked to him, you would find him a disappointment. Many a -pretty girl I have seen in my time, who didn't pan out according to -specifications when I finally met her." - -At this revelation of my beloved father's true self, I was almost -stunned. It is evident that I do not inherit my being true as steel from -him. Nor from my mother, who is like steel in hardness but not in being -true to anything but social position. - -As I record this awful day, dear Dairy, there comes again into my mind -the thought that I DO NOT BELONG HERE. I am not like them. I do not even -resemble them in features. And, if I belonged to them, would they -not treat me with more consideration and less discipline? Who, in the -family, has my nose? - -It is all well enough for Hannah to observe that I was a pretty baby -with fat cheeks. May not Hannah herself, for some hidden reason, have -brought me here, taking away the real I to perhaps languish unseen and -"waste my sweetness on the desert air"? But that way lies madness. -Life must be made the best of as it is, and not as it might be or indeed -ought to be. - -Father promised before he left that I was not to be scolded, as I felt -far from well, and was drinking water about every minute. - -"I just want to lie here and think about things," I said, when he was -going. "I seem to have so many thoughts. And father----" - -"Yes, chicken." - -"If I need any help to carry out a plan I have, will you give it to me, -or will I have to go to total strangers?" - -"Good gracious, Bab!" he exclaimed. "Come to me, of course." - -"And you'll do what you're told?" - -He looked out into the hall to see if mother was near. Then, dear Dairy, -he turned to me and said: - -"I always have, Bab. I guess I'll run true to form." - - -JANUARY 23RD. Much better today. Out and around. Family (mother and -Sis) very dignified and nothing much to say. Evidently have promised -father to restrain themselves. Father rushed and not coming home to -dinner. - -Beresford on edge of proposing. Sis very jumpy. - - -LATER: Jane Raleigh is home for her cousin's wedding! Is coming over. We -shall take a walk, as I have much to tell her. - - -6 P. M. What an afternoon! How shall I write it? This is a Milestone in -my Life. - -I have met him at last. Nay, more. I have been in his dressing room, -conversing as though accustomed to such things all my life. I have -concealed under the mattress a real photograph of him, beneath which he -has written, "Yours always, Adrian Egleston." - -I am writing in bed, as the room is chilly--or I am--and by putting out -my hand I can touch his pictured likeness. - -Jane came around for me this afternoon, and mother consented to a walk. -I did not have a chance to take Sis's pink hat, as she keeps her door -locked now when not in her room. Which is ridiculous, because I am not -her type, and her things do not suit me very well anyhow. And I have -never borrowed anything but gloves and handkerchiefs, except Maddie's -dress and the hat. - -She had, however, not locked her bathroom, and finding a bunch of -violets in the washbowl I put them on. It does not hurt violets to wear -them, and anyhow I knew Carter Brooks had sent them and she ought to -wear only Beresford's flowers if she means to marry him. - -Jane at once remarked that I looked changed. - -"Naturally," I said, in a blase' manner. - -"If I didn't know you, Bab," she observed, "I would say that you are -rouged." - -I became very stiff and distant at that. For Jane, although my best -friend, had no right to be suspicious of me. - -"How do I look changed?" I demanded. - -"I don't know. You--Bab, I believe you are up to some mischief!" - -"Mischief?" - -"You don't need to pretend to me," she went on, looking into my very -soul. "I have eyes. You're not decked out this way for ME." - -I had meant to tell her nothing, but spying just then a man ahead who -walked like Adrian, I was startled. I clutched her arm and closed my -eyes. - -"Bab!" she said. - -The man turned, and I saw it was not he. I breathed again. But Jane was -watching me, and I spoke out of an overflowing heart. - -"For a moment I thought--Jane, I have met THE ONE at last." - -"Barbara!" she said, and stopped dead. "Is it any one I know?" - -"He is an actor." - -"Ye gods!" said Jane, in a tense voice. "What a tragedy!" - -"Tragedy indeed," I was compelled to admit. "Jane, my heart is breaking. -I am not allowed to see him. It is all off, forever." - -"Darling!" said Jane. "You are trembling all over. Hold on to me. Do -they disapprove?" - -"I am never to see him again. Never." - -The bitterness of it all overcame me. My eyes suffused with tears. - -But I told her, in broken accents, of my determination to stick to him, -no matter what. "I might never be Mrs. Adrian Egleston, but----" - -"Adrian Egleston!" she cried, in amazement. "Why Barbara, you lucky -thing!" - -So, finding her fuller of sympathy than usual, I violated my vow of -silence and told her all. - -And, to prove the truth of what I said, I showed her the sachet over my -heart containing his rose. - -"It's perfectly wonderful," Jane said, in an awed tone. "You beat -anything I've ever known for adventures! You are the type men like, -for one thing. But there is one thing I could not stand, in your -place--having to know that he is making love to the heroine every -evening and twice on Wednesdays and--Bab, this is Wednesday!" - -I glanced at my wrist watch. It was but two o'clock. Instantly, dear -Dairy, I became conscious of a dual going on within me, between love and -duty. Should I do as instructed and see him no more, thus crushing -my inclination under the iron heel of resolution? Or should I cast my -parents to the winds, and go? - -Which? - -At last I decided to leave it to Jane. I observed: "I'm forbidden to try -to see him. But I daresay, if you bought some theater tickets and did not -say what the play was, and we went and it happened to be his, it would -not be my fault, would it?" - -I cannot recall her reply, or much more, except that I waited in a -pharmacy, and Jane went out, and came back and took me by the arm. - -"We're going to the matinee, Bab," she said. "I'll not tell you which -one, because it's to be a surprise." She squeezed my arm. "First row," -she whispered. - -I shall draw a veil over my feelings. Jane bought some chocolates to -take along, but I could eat none. I was thirsty, but not hungry. And my -cold was pretty bad, to. - -So we went in, and the curtain went up. When Adrian saw me, in the front -row, he smiled although in the midst of a serious speech about the world -owing him a living. And Jane was terribly excited. - -"Isn't he the handsomest thing!" she said. "And oh, Bab, I can see that -he adores you. He is acting for you. All the rest of the people mean -nothing to him. He sees but you." - -Well, I had not told her that we had not yet met, and she said I could -do nothing less than send him a note. - -"You ought to tell him that you are true, in spite of everything," she -said. - -If I had not deceived Jane things would be better. But she was set on my -sending the note. So at last I wrote one on my visiting card, holding -it so she could not read it. Jane is my best friend and I am devoted to -her, but she has no scruples about reading what is not meant for her. I -said: - -"Dear Mr. Egleston: I think the play is perfectly wonderful. And you -are perfectly splendid in it. It is perfectly terrible that it is going -to stop. - -"(Signed) The girl of the rose." - - -I know that this seems bold. But I did not feel bold, dear Dairy. It was -such a letter as any one might read, and contained nothing compromising. -Still, I daresay I should not have written it. But "out of the fulness of -the heart the mouth speaketh." - -I was shaking so much that I could not give it to the usher. But Jane -did. However, I had sealed it up in an envelope. - -Now comes the real surprise, dear Dairy. For the usher came down and -said Mr. Egleston hoped I would go back and see him after the act was -over. I think a pallor must have come over me, and Jane said: - -"Bab! Do you dare?" - -I said yes, I dared, but that I would like a glass of water. I seemed to -be thirsty all the time. So she got it, and I recovered my savoir fair, -and stopped shaking. - -I suppose Jane expected to go along, but I refrained from asking her. -She then said: - -"Try to remember everything he says, Bab. I am just crazy about it." - -Ah, dear Dairy, how can I write how I felt when being led to him. The -entire scene is engraved on my soul. I, with my very heart in my eyes, -in spite of my efforts to seem cool and collected. He, in front of his -mirror, drawing in the lines of starvation around his mouth for the next -scene, while on his poor feet a valet put the raged shoes of Act II! - -He rose when I entered, and took me by the hand. - -"Well!" he said. "At last!" - -He did not seem to mind the valet, whom he treated like a chair or -table. And he held my hand and looked deep into my eyes. - -Ah, dear Dairy, Men may come and Men may go in my life, but never again -will I know such ecstasy as at that moment. - -"Sit down," he said. "Little Lady of the rose--but it's violets today, -isn't it? And so you like the play?" - -I was by that time somewhat calmer, but glad to sit down, owing to my -knees feeling queer. - -"I think it is magnificent," I said. - -"I wish there were more like you," he observed. "Just a moment, I have -to make a change here. No need to go out. There's a screen for that very -purpose." - -He went behind the screen, and the man handed him a raged shirt over the -top of it, while I sat in a chair and dreamed. What I reflected, would -the School say if it but knew! I felt no remorse. I was there, and -beyond the screen, changing into the garments of penury, was the only -member of the other sex I had ever felt I could truly care for. - -Dear Dairy, I am tired and my head aches. I cannot write it all. He was -perfectly respectful, and only his eyes showed his true feelings. -The woman who is the adventuress in the play came to the door, but he -motioned her away with a wave of the hand. And at last it was over, and -he was asking me to come again soon, and if I would care to have one of -his pictures. - -I am very sleepy tonight, but I cannot close this record of a -w-o-n-d-e-r-f-u-l d-a-y---- - - -JANUARY 24TH. Cold worse. - -Not hearing from Carter Brooks I telephoned him just now. He is sore -about Beresford and said he would not come to the house. So I have asked -him to meet me in the park, and said that there were only two more days, -this being Thursday. - - -LATER: I have seen Carter, and he has a fine plan. If only father will -do it. - -He says the theme is that the world owes Adrian a living, and that the -way to do is to put that strongly before the people. - -"Suppose," he said, "that this fellow would go to some big factory, and -demand work. Not ask for it. Demand it. He could pretend to be starving -and say: 'The world owes me a living, and I intend to have it.'" - -"But suppose they were sorry for him and gave it to him?" I observed. - -"Tut, child," he said. "That would have to be all fixed up first. It -ought to be arranged that he not only be refused, but what's more, that -he'll be thrown out. He'll have to cut up a lot, d'you see, so they'll -throw him out. And we'll have Reporters there, so the story can get -around. You get it, don't you? Your friend, in order to prove that the -idea of the play is right, goes out for a job, and proves that he cannot -demand labor and get it." He stopped and spoke with excitement: "Is he a -real sport? Would he stand being arrested? Because that would cinch it." - -But here I drew a line. I would not subject him to such humiliation. I -would not have him arrested. And at last Carter gave in. - -"But you get the idea," he said. "There'll be the deuce of a row, and -it's good for a half column on the first page of the evening papers. -Result, a jam that night at the performance, and a new lease of life -for the Play. Egleston comes on, bruised and battered, and perhaps -with a limp. The Labor Unions take up the matter--it's a knock out. I'd -charge a thousand dollars for that idea if I were selling it." - -"Bruised!" I exclaimed. "Really bruised or painted on?" - -He glared at me impatiently. - -"Now see here, Bab," he said. "I'm doing this for you. You've got -to play up. And if your young man won't stand a bang in the eye, for -instance, to earn his bread and butter, he's not worth saving." - -"Who are you going to get to--to throw him out?" I asked, in a faltering -tone. - -He stopped and stared at me. - -"I like that!" he said. "It's not my play that's failing, is it? Go and -tell him the scheme, and then let his manager work it out. And tell him -who I am, and that I have a lot of ideas, but this is the only one I'm -giving away." - -We had arrived at the house by that time and I invited him to come in. -But he only glanced bitterly at the windows and observed that they had -taken in the mat with 'Welcome' on it, as far as he was concerned. And -went away. - -Although we have never had a mat with 'Welcome' on it. - -Dear Diary, I wonder if father would do it? He is gentle and -kindhearted, and it would be painful to him. But to who else can I -turn in my extremity? - -I have but one hope. My father is like me. He can be coaxed and if -kindly treated will do anything. But if approached in the wrong way, or -asked to do something against his principals, he becomes a roaring lion. - -He would never be bully-ed into giving a man work, even so touching a -personality as Adrian's. - - -LATER: I meant to ask father tonight, but he has just heard of Beresford -and is in a terrible temper. He says Sis can't marry him, because he -is sure there are plenty of things he could be doing in England, if not -actually fighting. - -"He could probably run a bus, and release some one who can fight," he -shouted. "Or he could at least do an honest day's work with his hands. -Don't let me see him, that's all." - -"Do I understand that you forbid him the house?" Leila asked, in a cold -fury. - -"Just keep him out of my sight," father snapped. "I suppose I can't keep -him from swilling tea while I am away doing my part to help the Allies." - -"Oh, rot!" said Sis, in a scornful manner. "While you help your bank -account, you mean. I don't object to that, father, but for heaven's sake -don't put it on altruistic grounds." - -She went upstairs then and banged her door, and mother merely set her -lips and said nothing. But when Beresford called, later, Tanney had to -tell him the family was out. - -Were it not for our affections, and the necessity for getting married, so -there would be an increase in the population, how happy we could all be! - - -LATER: I have seen father. - -It was a painful evening, with Sis shut away in her room, and father -cutting the ends off cigars in a viscious manner. Mother was NON EST, and -had I not had my memories, it would have been a sickning time. - -I sat very still and waited until father softened, which he usually does, -like ice cream, all at once and all over. I sat perfectly still in a -large chair, and except for an occasional sneeze, was quiet. - -Only once did my parent address me in an hour, when he said: - -"What the devil's making you sneeze so?" - -"My nose, I think, sir," I said meekly. - -"Humph!" he said. "It's rather a small nose to be making such a racket." - -I was cut to the heart, Dear Diary. One of my dearest dreams has always -been a delicate nose, slightly arched and long enough to be truly -aristocratic. Not really acqualine but on the verge. I HATE my little -nose--hate it--hate it--HATE IT. - -"Father" I said, rising and on the point of tears. "How can you! To -taunt me with what is not my own fault, but partly hereditary and partly -carelessness. For if you had pinched it in infancy it would have been a -good nose, and not a pug. And----" - -"Good gracious!" he exclaimed. "Why, Bab, I never meant to insult your -nose. As a matter of fact, it's a good nose. It's exactly the sort of -nose you ought to have. Why, what in the world would YOU do with a Roman -nose?" - -I have not been feeling very well, dear Diary, and so I suddenly began to -weep. - -"Why, chicken!" said my father. And made me sit down on his knee. "Don't -tell me that my bit of sunshine is behind a cloud!" - -"Behind a nose," I said, feebly. - -So he said he liked my nose, even although somewhat swollen, and he kissed -it, and told me I was a little fool, and at last I saw he was about -ready to be tackled. So I observed: - -"Father, will you do me a favor?" - -"Sure," he said. "How much do you need? Business is pretty good now, -and I've about landed the new order for shells for the English War -Department. I--suppose we make it fifty! Although, we'd better keep it a -secret between the two of us." - -I drew myself up, although tempted. But what was fifty dollars to doing -something for Adrian? A mere bagatelle. - -"Father," I said, "do you know Miss Everett, my English teacher?" - -He remembered the name. - -"Would you be willing to do her a great favor?" I demanded intensely. - -"What sort of a favor?" - -"Her cousin has written a play. She is very fond of her cousin, and -anxious to have him succeed. And it is a lovely play." - -He held me off and stared at me. - -"So THAT is what you were doing in that box alone!" he exclaimed. "You -incomprehensible child! Why didn't you tell your mother?" - -"Mother does not always understand," I said, in a low voice. "I thought, -by buying a box, I would do my part to help Miss Everett's cousin's play -succeed. And as a result I was dragged home, and shamefully treated in the -most mortifying manner. But I am accustomed to brutality." - -"Oh, come now," he said. "I wouldn't go as far as that, chicken. Well, I -won't finance the play, but short of that I'll do what I can." - -However he was not so agreeable when I told him Carter Brooks' plan. He -delivered a firm no. - -"Although," he said, "somebody ought to do it, and show the fallacy of -the play. In the first place, the world doesn't owe the fellow a -living, unless he will hustle around and make it. In the second place -an employer has a right to turn away a man he doesn't want. No one can -force a business to employ Labor." - -"Well," I said, "as long as Labor talks and makes a lot of noise, and -Capitol is too dignified to say anything, most people are going to side -with Labor." - -He gazed at me. - -"Right!" he said. "You've put your finger on it, in true feminine -fashion." - -"Then why won't you throw out this man when he comes to you for work? He -intends to force you to employ him." - -"Oh, he does, does he?" said father, in a fierce voice. "Well, let him -come. I can stand up for my principals, too. I'll throw him out, all -right." - -Dear Diary, the battle is over and I have won. I am very happy. How true -it is that strategy will do more than violence! - -We have arranged it all. Adrian is to go to the mill, dressed like a -decayed gentleman, and father will refuse to give him work. I have said -nothing about violence, leaving that to arrange itself. - -I must see Adrian and his manager. Carter has promised to tell some -reporters that there may be a story at the mill on Saturday morning. I -am to excited to sleep. - -Feel horrid. Forbidden to go out this morning. - - -JANUARY 25TH. Beresford was here to lunch and he and mother and Sis had -a long talk. He says he has kept it a secret because he did not want his -business known. But he is here to place a shell order for the English War -Department. - -"Well," Leila said, "I can hardly wait to tell father and see him curl -up." - -"No, no," said Beresford, hastily. "Really you must allow me. I must -inform him myself. I am sure you can see why. This is a thing for men to -settle. Besides, it is a delicate matter. Mr. Archibald is trying to get -the order, and our New York office, if I am willing, is ready to place -it with him." - -"Well!" said Leila, in a thunderstruck tone. "If you British don't beat -anything for keeping your own Counsel!" - -I could see that he had her hand under the table. It was sickening. - -Jane came to see me after lunch. The wedding was that night, and I had -to sit through silver vegetable dishes, and after-dinner coffee sets and -plates and a grand piano and a set of gold vases and a cabushion sapphire -and the bridesmaid's clothes and the wedding supper and heaven knows -what. But at last she said: - -"You dear thing--how weary and wan you look!" - -I closed my eyes. - -"But you don't intend to give him up, do you?" - -"Look at me!" I said, in imperious tones. "Do I look like one who would -give him up, because of family objections?" - -"How brave you are!" she observed. "Bab, I am green with envy. When I -think of the way he looked at you, and the tones of his voice when he -made love to that--that creature, I am positively SHAKEN." - -We sat in somber silence. Then she said: - -"I daresay he detests the heroine, doesn't he?" - -"He tolerates her," I said, with a shrug. - -More silence. I rang for Hannah to bring some ice water. We were in my -boudoir. - -"I saw him yesterday," said Jane, when Hannah had gone. - -"Jane!" - -"In the park. He was with the woman that plays the Adventuress. Ugly old -thing." - -I drew a long breath of relief. For I knew that the adventuress was at -least thirty and perhaps more. Besides being both wicked and cruel, and -not at all feminine. - -Hannah brought the ice-water and then came in the most maddening way and -put her hand on my forehead. - -"I've done nothing but bring you ice-water for two days," she said. "Your -head's hot. I think you need a mustard foot bath and to go to bed." - -"Hannah," Jane said, in her loftiest fashion, "Miss Barbara is worried, -not ill. And please close the door when you go out." - -Which was her way of telling Hannah to go. Hannah glared at her. - -"If you take my advice, Miss Jane," she said. "You'll keep away from -Miss Barbara." - -And she went out, slamming the door. - -"Well!" gasped Jane. "Such impertinence. Old servant or not, she ought -to have her mouth slapped." - -Well, I told Jane the plan and she was perfectly crazy about it. I had -a headache, but she helped me into my street things, and got Sis's rose -hat for me while Sis was at the telephone. Then we went out. - -First we telephoned Carter Brooks, and he said tomorrow morning would -do, and he'd give a couple of reporters the word to hang around father's -office at the mill. He said to have Adrian there at ten o'clock. - -"Are you sure your father will do it?" he asked. "We don't want a -fliver, you know." - -"He's making a principal of it," I said. "When he makes a principal of a -thing, he does it." - -"Good for father!" Carter said. "Tell him not to be to gentle. And tell -your actor-friend to make a lot of fuss. The more the better. I'll see -the policeman at the mill, and he'll probably take him up. But we'll get -him out for the matinee. And watch the evening papers." - -It was then that a terrible thought struck me. What if Adrian considered -it beneath his profession to advertize, even if indirectly? What if he -preferred the failure of Miss Everett's cousin's play to a bruise on the -eye? What, in short, if he refused? - -Dear Dairy, I was stupified. I knew not which way to turn. For men are -not like women, who are dependable and anxious to get along, and will -sacrifice anything for success. No, men are likely to turn on the ones -they love best, if the smallest things do not suit them, such as cold -soup, or sleeves too long from the shirt-maker, or plans made which they -have not been consulted about beforehand. - -"Darling!" said Jane, as I turned away, "you look STRICKEN!" - -"My head aches," I said, with a weary gesture toward my forehead. It did -ache, for that matter. It is aching now, dear Dairy. - -However, I had begun my task and must go through with it. Abandoning -Jane at a corner, in spite of her calling me cruel and even sneaking, I -went to Adrian's hotel, which I had learned of during my seance in -his room while he was changing his garments behind a screen, as it was -marked on a dressing case. - -It was then five o'clock. - -How nervous I felt as I sent up my name to his chamber. Oh, Dear Diary, -to think that it was but five hours ago that I sat and waited, while -people who guessed not the inner trepidation of my heart past and -repast, and glanced at me and at Leila's pink hat above. - -At last he came. My heart beat thunderously, as he approached, striding -along in that familiar walk, swinging his strong and tender arms. And I! -I beheld him coming and could think of not a word to say. - -"Well!" he said, pausing in front of me. "I knew I was going to be lucky -today. Friday is my best day." - -"I was born on Friday," I said. I could think of nothing else. - -"Didn't I say it was my lucky day? But you mustn't sit here. What do you -say to a cup of tea in the restaurant?" - -How grown up and like a debutante I felt, Dear Diary, going to have -tea as if I had it every day at school, with a handsome actor across! -Although somewhat uneasy also, owing to the possibility of the family -coming in. But it did not and I had a truly happy hour, not at all -spoiled by looking out the window and seeing Jane going by, with her -eyes popping out, and walking very slowly so I would invite her to come -in. - -WHICH I DID NOT. - -Dear Diary, HE WILL DO IT. At first he did not understand, and looked -astounded. But when I told him of Carter being in the advertizing -business, and father owning a large mill, and that there would be -reporters and so on, he became thoughtful. - -"It's really incredibly clever," he said. "And if it's pulled off right -it ought to be a stampede. But I'd like to see Mr. Brooks. We can't have -it fail, you know." He leaned over the table. "It's straight goods, is -it, Miss er--Barbara? There's nothing phoney about it?" - -"Phoney!" I said, drawing back. "Certainly not." - -He kept on leaning over the table. - -"I wonder," he said, "what makes you so interested in the play?" - -Oh, Diary, Diary! - -And just then I looked up, and the adventuress was staring in the door -at me with the meanest look on her face. - -I draw a veil over the remainder of our happy hour. Suffice it to say -that he considers me exactly the type he finds most attractive, and that -he does not consider my nose too short. We had a long dispute about this. -He thinks I am wrong and says I am not an aquiline type. He says I am -romantic and of a loving disposition. Also somewhat reckless, and he -gave me good advice about doing what my family consider for my good, at -least until I come out. - -But our talk was all too short, for a fat man with three rings on came -in, and sat down with us, and ordered a whiskey and soda. My blood -turned cold, for fear some one I knew would come in and see me sitting -there in a drinking party. - -And my blood was right to turn cold. For, just as he had told the -manager about the arrangement I had made, and the manager said "Bully" -and raised his glass to drink to me I looked across and there was -mother's aunt, old Susan Paget, sitting near, with the most awful face -I ever saw! - -I collapsed in my chair. - -Dear Diary, I only remember saying, "Well, remember, ten o'clock. And -dress up like a gentleman in hard luck," and his saying: "Well, I hope -I'm a gentleman, and the hard luck's no joke," and then I went away. - -And now, Dear Diary, I am in bed, and every time the telephone rings -I have a chill. And in between times I drink ice-water and sneeze. How -terrible a thing is love. - - -LATER: I can hardly write. Switzerland is a settled thing. Father is not -home tonight and I cannot appeal to him. Susan Paget said I was drinking -too, and mother is having the vibrator used on her spine. If I felt -better I would run away. - - -JANUARY 26TH. How can I write what has happened? It is so terrible. - -Beresford went at ten o'clock to ask for Leila, and did not send in his -card for fear father would refuse to see him. And father thought, from -his saying that he had come to ask for something, and so on, that it -was Adrian, and threw him out. He ordered him out first, and Beresford -refused to go, and they had words, and then there was a fight. The -reporters got it, and it is in all the papers. Hannah has just brought -one in. It is headed "Manufacturer assaults Peer." Leila is in bed, and -the doctor is with her. - - -LATER: Adrian has disappeared. The manager has just called up, and with -shaking knees I went to the telephone. Adrian went to the mill a little -after ten, and has not been seen since. - -It is in vain I protest that he has not eloped with me. It is almost -time now for the matinee and no Adrian. What shall I do? - - -SATURDAY, 11 P.M. Dear Diary, I have the measles. I am all broken out, -and look horrible. But what is a sickness of the body compared to the -agony of my mind? Oh, Dear Diary, to think of what has happened since -last I saw your stainless pages! - -What is a sickness to a broken heart? And to a heart broken while trying -to help another who did not deserve to be helped. But if he deceived me, -he has paid for it, and did until he was rescued at ten o'clock tonight. - -I have been given a sleeping medicine, and until it takes affect I shall -write out the tragedy of this day, omitting nothing. The trained nurse -is asleep on a cot, and her cap is hanging on the foot of the bed. - -I have tried it on, Dear Diary, and it is very becoming. If they insist -on Switzerland I think I shall run away and be a trained nurse. It is -easy work, although sleeping on a cot is not always comfortable. But -at least a trained nurse leads her own life and is not bullied by her -family. And more, she does good constantly. - -I feel tonight that I should like to do good, and help the sick, and -perhaps go to the front. I know a lot of college men in the American -Ambulance. - -I shall never go on the stage, Dear Diary. I know now its deceitfulness -and vicissitudes. My heart has bled until it can bleed no more, as a -result of a theatrical Adonis. I am through with the theater forever. - -I shall begin at the beginning. I left off where Adrian had disappeared. - -Although feeling very strange, and looking a queer red color in my -mirror, I rose and dressed myself. I felt that something had slipped, and -I must find Adrian. (It is strange with what coldness I write that once -beloved name.) - -While dressing I perceived that my chest and arms were covered -with small red dots, but I had no time to think of myself. I slipped -downstairs and outside the drawing room I heard mother conversing in a -loud and angry tone with a visitor. I glanced in, and ye gods! - -It was the adventuress. - -Drawing somewhat back, I listened. Oh, Diary, what a revelation! - -"But I MUST see her," she was saying. "Time is flying. In a half hour -the performance begins, and--he cannot be found." - -"I can't understand," mother said, in a stiff manner. "What can my -daughter Barbara know about him?" - -The adventuress sniffed. "Humph!" she said. "She knows, alright. And -I'd like to see her in a hurry, if she is in the house." - -"Certainly she is in the house," said mother. - -"ARE YOU SURE OF THAT? Because I have every reason to believe she has -run away with him. She has been hanging around him all week, and only -yesterday afternoon I found them together. She had some sort of a scheme, -he said afterwards, and he wrinkled a coat under his mattress last -night. He said it was to look as if he had slept in it. I know nothing -further of your daughter's scheme. But I know he went out to meet her. He -has not been seen since. His manager has hunted for to hours." - -"Just a moment," said mother, in a frigid tone. "Am I to understand -that this--this Mr. Egleston is----" - -"He is my Husband." - -Ah, Dear Diary, that I might then and there have passed away. But I did -not. I stood there, with my heart crushed, until I felt strong enough to -escape. Then I fled, like a guilty soul. It was ghastly. - -On the doorstep I met Jane. She gazed at me strangely when she saw my -face, and then clutched me by the arm. - -"Bab!" she cried. "What on the earth is the matter with your -complexion?" - -But I was desperate. - -"Let me go!" I said. "Only lend me two dollars for a taxi and let me go. -Something horrible has happened." - -She gave me ninety cents, which was all she had, and I rushed down the -street, followed by her piercing gaze. - -Although realizing that my life, at least the part of it pertaining to -sentiment, was over, I knew that, single or married, I must find him. -I could not bare to think that I, in my desire to help, had ruined -Miss Everett's cousin's play. Luckily I got a taxi at the corner, and -I ordered it to drive to the mill. I sank back, bathed in hot -perspiration, and on consulting my bracelet watch found I had but twenty -five minutes until the curtain went up. - -I must find him, but where and how! I confess for a moment that I -doubted my own father, who can be very fierce on occasion. What if, -maddened by his mistake about Beresford, he had, on being approached by -Adrian, been driven to violence? What if, in my endeavor to help one who -was unworthy, I had led my poor paternal parent into crime? - -Hell is paved with good intentions. SAMUEL JOHNSTON. - - -On driving madly into the mill yard, I suddenly remembered that it was -Saturday and a half holiday. The mill was going, but the offices were -closed. Father, then, was immured in the safety of his club, and could -not be reached except by pay telephone. And the taxi was now ninety -cents. - -I got out, and paid the man. I felt very dizzy and queer, and was very -thirsty, so I went to the hydrant in the yard and got a drink of water. -I did not as yet suspect measles, but laid it all to my agony of mind. - -Having thus refreshed myself, I looked about, and saw the yard -policeman, a new one who did not know me, as I am away at school most of -the time, and the family is not expected to visit the mill, because of -dirt and possible accidents. - -I approached him, however, and he stood still and stared at me. - -"Officer" I said, in my most dignified tones. "I am looking for a--for a -gentleman who came here this morning to look for work." - -"There was about two hundred lined up here this morning, Miss," he said. -"Which one would it be, now?" - -How my heart sank! - -"About what time would he be coming?" he said. "Things have been kind of -mixed-up around here today, owing to a little trouble this morning. But -perhaps I'll remember him." - -But, although Adrian is of an unusual type, I felt that I could not -describe him, besides having a terrible headache. So I asked if he would -lend me carfare, which he did with a strange look. - -"You're not feeling sick, Miss, are you?" he said. But I could not stay -to converse, as it was then time for the curtain to go up, and still no -Adrian. - -I had but one refuge in mind, Carter Brooks, and to him I fled on the -wings of misery in the street car. I burst into his advertizing office -like a fury. - -"Where is he?" I demanded. "Where have you and your plotting hidden -him?" - -"Who? Beresford?" he asked in a placid manner. "He is at his hotel, I -believe, putting beefsteak on a bad eye. Believe me, Bab----" - -"Beresford!" I cried, in scorn and wretchedness. "What is he to me? Or -his eye either? I refer to Mr. Egleston. It is time for the curtain -to go up now, and unless he has by this time returned, there can be no -performance." - -"Look here," Carter said suddenly, "you look awfully queer, Bab. Your -face----" - -I stamped my foot. - -"What does my face matter?" I demanded. "I no longer care for him, but I -have ruined Miss Everett's cousin's play unless he turns up. Am I to be -sent to Switzerland with that on my soul?" - -"Switzerland!" he said slowly. "Why, Bab, they're not going to do that, -are they? I--I don't want you so far away." - -Dear Dairy, I am unsuspicious by nature, believing all mankind to be my -friends until proven otherwise. But there was a gloating look in Carter -Brooks' eyes as they turned on me. - -"Carter!" I said, "you know where he is and you will not tell me. You -WISH to ruin him." - -I was about to put my hand on his arm, but he drew away. - -"Look here," he said. "I'll tell you something, but please keep back. -Because you look like smallpox to me. I was at the mill this morning. -I do not know anything about your actor-friend. He's probably only -been run over or something. But I saw Beresford going in, and I--well, I -suggested that he'd better walk in on your father or he wouldn't get in. -It worked, Bab. HOW IT DID WORK! He went in and said he had come to ask -your father for something, and your father blew up by saying that he knew -about it, but that the world only owed a living to the man who would -hustle for it, and that he would not be forced to take any one he did -not want. - -"And in two minutes Beresford hit him, and got a response. It was a -million dollars worth." - -So he babbled on. But what were his words to me? - -Dear Diary, I gave no thought to the smallpox he had mentioned, although -fatal to the complexion. Or to the fight at the mill. I heard only -Adrian's possible tragic fate. Suddenly I collapsed, and asked for a -drink of water, feeling horrible, very wobbly and unable to keep my -knees from bending. - -And the next thing I remember is father taking me home, and Adrian's -fate still a deep mystery, and remaining such, while I had a warm sponge -to bring out the rest of the rash, followed by a sleep--it being measles -and not smallpox. - -Oh, Dear Diary, what a story I learned when having wakened and feeling -better, my father came tonight and talked to me from the doorway, not -being allowed in. - -Adrian had gone to the mill, and father, having thrown Beresford out -and asserted his principals, had not thrown him out, BUT HAD GIVEN HIM -A JOB IN THE MILL. And the Policeman had given him no chance to escape, -which he attempted. He was dragged to the shell plant and there locked -in, because of spies. The plant is under military guard. - -And there he had been compelled to drag a wheelbarrow back and forth -containing charcoal for a small furnace, for hours! - -Even when Carter found him he could not be released, as father was in -hiding from reporters, and would not go to the telephone or see callers. - -He labored until 10 p.m., while the theater remained dark, and people -got their money back. - -I have ruined him. I have also ruined Miss Everett's cousin. - -* * * * * - -The nurse is still asleep. I think I will enter a hospital. My career is -ended, my life is blasted. - -I reach under the mattress and draw out the picture of him who today -I have ruined, compelling him to do manual labor for hours, although -unaccustomed to it. He is a great actor, and I believe has a future. But -my love for him is dead. Dear Diary, he deceived me, and that is one -thing I cannot forgive. - -So now I sit here among my pillows, while the nurse sleeps, and I -reflect about many things. But one speech rings in my ears over and -over. - -Carter Brooks, on learning about Switzerland, said it in a strange -manner, looking at me with inscrutable eyes. - -"Switzerland! Why, Bab--I don't want you to go so far away." - -WHAT DID HE MEAN BY IT? - -* * * * * - -Dear Dairy, you will have to be burned, I daresay. Perhaps it is as well. -I have p o r e d out my H-e-a-r-t---- - - - - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Bab: A Sub-Deb, by Mary Roberts Rinehart - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BAB: A SUB-DEB *** - -***** This file should be named 366.txt or 366.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/3/6/366/ - -Produced by Anonymous Project Gutenberg Volunteers - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, -set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to -copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to -protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project -Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you -charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you -do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the -rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose -such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and -research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do -practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is -subject to the trademark license, especially commercial -redistribution. - - - -*** START: FULL LICENSE *** - -THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE -PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK - -To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free -distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work -(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project -Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project -Gutenberg-tm License available with this file or online at - www.gutenberg.org/license. - - -Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic works - -1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to -and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property -(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all -the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy -all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. -If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the -terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or -entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. - -1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be -used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who -agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few -things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works -even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See -paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement -and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works. See paragraph 1.E below. - -1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" -or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the -collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an -individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are -located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from -copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative -works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg -are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project -Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by -freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of -this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with -the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by -keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project -Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. - -1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern -what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in -a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check -the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement -before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or -creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project -Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning -the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United -States. - -1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: - -1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate -access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently -whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the -phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project -Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, -copied or distributed: - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - -1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived -from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is -posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied -and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees -or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work -with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the -work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 -through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the -Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or -1.E.9. - -1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted -with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution -must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional -terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked -to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the -permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. - -1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm -License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this -work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. - -1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this -electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without -prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with -active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project -Gutenberg-tm License. - -1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, -compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any -word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or -distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than -"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version -posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), -you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a -copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon -request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other -form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm -License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. - -1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, -performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works -unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. - -1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing -access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided -that - -- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from - the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method - you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is - owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he - has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the - Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments - must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you - prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax - returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and - sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the - address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to - the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." - -- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies - you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he - does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm - License. You must require such a user to return or - destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium - and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of - Project Gutenberg-tm works. - -- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any - money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the - electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days - of receipt of the work. - -- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free - distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. - -1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set -forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from -both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael -Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the -Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. - -1.F. - -1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable -effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread -public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm -collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain -"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or -corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual -property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a -computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by -your equipment. - -1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right -of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project -Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all -liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal -fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT -LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE -PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE -TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE -LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR -INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH -DAMAGE. - -1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a -defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can -receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a -written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you -received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with -your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with -the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a -refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity -providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to -receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy -is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further -opportunities to fix the problem. - -1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth -in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO OTHER -WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO -WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. - -1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied -warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. -If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the -law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be -interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by -the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any -provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. - -1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the -trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone -providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance -with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, -promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, -harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, -that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do -or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm -work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any -Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. - - -Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm - -Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of -electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers -including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists -because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from -people in all walks of life. - -Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the -assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's -goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will -remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure -and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. -To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation -and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 -and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org - - -Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive -Foundation - -The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit -501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the -state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal -Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification -number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent -permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. - -The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. -Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered -throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at 809 -North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email -contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the -Foundation's web site and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact - -For additional contact information: - Dr. Gregory B. Newby - Chief Executive and Director - gbnewby@pglaf.org - -Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation - -Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide -spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of -increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be -freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest -array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations -($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt -status with the IRS. - -The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating -charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United -States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a -considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up -with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations -where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To -SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any -particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate - -While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we -have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition -against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who -approach us with offers to donate. - -International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make -any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from -outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. - -Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation -methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other -ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. -To donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate - - -Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works. - -Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm -concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared -with anyone. For forty years, he produced and distributed Project -Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. - -Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed -editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. -unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily -keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. - -Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: - - www.gutenberg.org - -This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. - |