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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/3659-h.zip b/3659-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..c4062b0 --- /dev/null +++ b/3659-h.zip diff --git a/3659-h/3659-h.htm b/3659-h/3659-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e5dab6c --- /dev/null +++ b/3659-h/3659-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,16262 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<HTML> +<HEAD> + +<META HTTP-EQUIV="Content-Type" CONTENT="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"> + +<TITLE> +The Project Gutenberg E-text of The Rosary, by Florence L. Barclay +</TITLE> + +<STYLE TYPE="text/css"> +BODY { color: Black; + background: White; + margin-right: 10%; + margin-left: 10%; + font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; + text-align: justify } + +P {text-indent: 4% } + +P.noindent {text-indent: 0% } + +P.poem {text-indent: 0%; + margin-left: 10%; + font-size: small } + +P.letter {text-indent: 0%; + font-size: small ; + margin-left: 10% ; + margin-right: 10% } + +P.finis { font-size: larger ; + text-align: center ; + text-indent: 0% ; + margin-left: 0% ; + margin-right: 0% } + +</STYLE> + +</HEAD> + +<BODY> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Rosary, by Florence L. Barclay + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Rosary + +Author: Florence L. Barclay + +Posting Date: April 29, 2009 [EBook #3659] +Release Date: January, 2003 +First Posted: July 4, 2001 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ROSARY *** + + + + +Produced by Charles Franks and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team. HTML version by Al Haines. + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<BR><BR> + +<H1 ALIGN="center"> +The Rosary +</H1> + +<BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +BY +</H3> + +<H2 ALIGN="center"> +Florence L. Barclay +</H2> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<H2 ALIGN="center"> +CONTENTS +</H2> + +<TABLE ALIGN="center" WIDTH="80%"> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">CHAPTER</TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> </TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">I </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap01">ENTER—THE DUCHESS</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">II </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap02">INTRODUCES THE HONOURABLE JANE</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">III </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap03">THE SURPRISE PACKET</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">IV </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap04">JANE VOLUNTEERS</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">V </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap05">CONFIDENCES</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">VI </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap06">THE VEIL IS LIFTED</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">VII </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap07">GARTH FINDS HIS ROSARY</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">VIII </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap08">ADDED PEARLS</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">IX </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap09">LADY INGLEBY'S HOUSE PARTY</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">X </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap10">THE REVELATION</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XI </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap11">GARTH FINDS THE CROSS</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XII </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap12">THE DOCTOR'S PRESCRIPTION</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XIII </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap13">THE ANSWER OF THE SPHINX</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XIV </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap14">IN DERYCK'S SAFE CONTROL</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XV </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap15">THE CONSULTATION</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XVI </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap16">THE DOCTOR FINDS A WAY</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XVII </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap17">ENTER—NURSE ROSEMARY</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XVIII </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap18">THE NAPOLEON OF THE MOORS</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XIX </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap19">THE VOICE IN THE DARKNESS.</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XX </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap20">JANE REPORTS PROGRESS</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XXI </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap21">HARD ON THE SECRETARY</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XXII </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap22">DR. ROB TO THE RESCUE</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XXIII </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap23">THE ONLY WAY</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XXIV </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap24">THE MAN'S POINT OF VIEW</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XXV </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap25">THE DOCTOR'S DIAGNOSIS</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XXVI </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap26">HEARTS MEET IN SIGHTLESS LAND</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XXVII </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap27">THE EYES GARTH TRUSTED</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XXVIII </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap28">IN THE STUDIO</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XXIX </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap29">JANE LOOKS INTO LOVES MIRROR</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XXX </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap30">"THE LADY PORTRAYED"</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XXXI </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap31">IN LIGHTER VEIN</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XXXII </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap32">AN INTERLUDE</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XXXIII </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap33">"SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN!"</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XXXIV </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap34">"LOVE NEVER FAILETH"</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XXXV </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap35">NURSE ROSEMARY HAS HER REWARD</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XXXVI </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap36">THE REVELATION OF THE ROSARY</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XXXVII </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap37">"IN THE FACE OF THIS CONGREGATION"</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XXXVIII </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap38">PERPETUAL LIGHT</A></TD> +</TR> + +</TABLE> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<H1 ALIGN="center"> +THE ROSARY +</H1> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap01"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER I +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +ENTER THE DUCHESS. +</H3> + +<P> +The peaceful stillness of an English summer afternoon brooded over the +park and gardens at Overdene. A hush of moving sunlight and lengthening +shadows lay upon the lawn, and a promise of refreshing coolness made +the shade of the great cedar tree a place to be desired. +</P> + +<P> +The old stone house, solid, substantial, and unadorned, suggested +unlimited spaciousness and comfort within; and was redeemed from +positive ugliness without, by the fine ivy, magnolia trees, and +wistaria, of many years' growth, climbing its plain face, and now +covering it with a mantle of soft green, large white blooms, and a +cascade of purple blossom. +</P> + +<P> +A terrace ran the full length of the house, bounded at one end by a +large conservatory, at the other by an aviary. Wide stone steps, at +intervals, led down from the terrace on to the soft springy turf of the +lawn. Beyond—the wide park; clumps of old trees, haunted by shy brown +deer; and, through the trees, fitful gleams of the river, a narrow +silver ribbon, winding gracefully in and out between long grass, +buttercups, and cow-daisies. +</P> + +<P> +The sun-dial pointed to four o'clock. +</P> + +<P> +The birds were having their hour of silence. Not a trill sounded from +among the softly moving leaves, not a chirp, not a twitter. The +stillness seemed almost oppressive. The one brilliant spot of colour in +the landscape was a large scarlet macaw, asleep on his stand under the +cedar. +</P> + +<P> +At last came the sound of an opening door. A quaint old figure stepped +out on to the terrace, walked its entire length to the right, and +disappeared into the rose-garden. The Duchess of Meldrum had gone to +cut her roses. +</P> + +<P> +She wore an ancient straw hat, of the early-Victorian shape known as +"mushroom," tied with black ribbons beneath her portly chin; a loose +brown holland coat; a very short tweed skirt, and Engadine "gouties." +She had on some very old gauntlet gloves, and carried a wooden basket +and a huge pair of scissors. +</P> + +<P> +A wag had once remarked that if you met her Grace of Meldrum returning +from gardening or feeding her poultry, and were in a charitable frame +of mind, you would very likely give her sixpence. But, after you had +thus drawn her attention to yourself and she looked at you, Sir Walter +Raleigh's cloak would not be in it! Your one possible course would be +to collapse into the mud, and let the ducal "gouties" trample on you. +This the duchess would do with gusto; then accept your apologies with +good nature; and keep your sixpence, to show when she told the story. +</P> + +<P> +The duchess lived alone; that is to say, she had no desire for the +perpetual companionship of any of her own kith and kin, nor for the +constant smiles and flattery of a paid companion. Her pale daughter, +whom she had systematically snubbed, had married; her handsome son, +whom she had adored and spoiled, had prematurely died, before the +death, a few years since, of Thomas, fifth Duke of Meldrum. He had come +to a sudden and, as the duchess often remarked, very suitable end; for, +on his sixty-second birthday, clad in all the splendours of his hunting +scarlet, top hat, and buff corduroy breeches, the mare he was +mercilessly putting at an impossible fence suddenly refused, and +Thomas, Duke of Meldrum, shot into a field of turnips; pitched upon his +head, and spoke no more. +</P> + +<P> +This sudden cessation of his noisy and fiery life meant a complete +transformation in the entourage of the duchess. Hitherto she had had to +tolerate the boon companions, congenial to himself, with whom he chose +to fill the house; or to invite those of her own friends to whom she +could explain Thomas, and who suffered Thomas gladly, out of friendship +for her, and enjoyment of lovely Overdene. But even then the duchess +had no pleasure in her parties; for, quaint rough diamond though she +herself might appear, the bluest of blue blood ran in her veins; and, +though her manner had the off-hand abruptness and disregard of other +people's feelings not unfrequently found in old ladies of high rank, +she was at heart a true gentlewoman, and could always be trusted to say +and do the right thing in moments of importance: The late duke's +language had been sulphurous and his manners Georgian; and when he had +been laid in the unwonted quiet of his ancestral vault—"so unlike him, +poor dear," as the duchess remarked, "that it is quite a comfort to +know he is not really there"—her Grace looked around her, and began to +realise the beauties and possibilities of Overdene. +</P> + +<P> +At first she contented herself with gardening, making an aviary, and +surrounding herself with all sorts of queer birds and beasts; upon whom +she lavished the affection which, of late years, had known no human +outlet. +</P> + +<P> +But after a while her natural inclination to hospitality, her humorous +enjoyment of other people's foibles, and a quaint delight in parading +her own, led to constant succession of house-parties at Overdene, which +soon became known as a Liberty Hall of varied delights where you always +met the people you most wanted to meet, found every facility for +enjoying your favourite pastime, were fed and housed in perfect style, +and spent some of the most ideal days of your summer, or cheery days of +your winter, never dull, never bored, free to come and go as you +pleased, and everything seasoned everybody with the delightful "sauce +piquante" of never being quite sure what the duchess would do or say +next. +</P> + +<P> +She mentally arranged her parties under three heads—"freak parties," +"mere people parties," and "best parties." A "best party" was in +progress on the lovely June day when the duchess, having enjoyed an +unusually long siesta, donned what she called her "garden togs" and +sallied forth to cut roses. +</P> + +<P> +As she tramped along the terrace and passed through the little iron +gate leading to the rose-garden, Tommy, the scarlet macaw, opened one +eye and watched her; gave a loud kiss as she reached the gate and +disappeared from view, then laughed to himself and went to sleep again. +</P> + +<P> +Of all the many pets, Tommy was prime favourite. He represented the +duchess's one concession to morbid sentiment. After the demise of the +duke she had found it so depressing to be invariably addressed with +suave deference by every male voice she heard. If the butler could have +snorted, or the rector have rapped out an uncomplimentary adjective, +the duchess would have felt cheered. As it was, a fixed and settled +melancholy lay upon her spirit until she saw in a dealer's list an +advertisement of a prize macaw, warranted a grand talker, with a +vocabulary of over five hundred words. +</P> + +<P> +The duchess went immediately to town, paid a visit to the dealer, heard +a few of the macaw's words and the tone in which he said them, bought +him on the spot, and took him down to Overdene. The first evening he +sat crossly on the perch of his grand new stand, declining to say a +single one of his five hundred words, though the duchess spent her +evening in the hall, sitting in every possible place; first close to +him; then, away in a distant corner; in an arm-chair placed behind a +screen; reading, with her back turned, feigning not to notice him; +facing him with concentrated attention. Tommy merely clicked his tongue +at her every time she emerged from a hiding-place; or, if the rather +worried butler or nervous under-footman passed hurriedly through the +hall, sent showers of kisses after them, and then went into fits of +ventriloquial laughter. The duchess, in despair, even tried reminding +him in a whisper of the remarks he had made in the shop; but Tommy only +winked at her and put his claw over his beak. Still, she enjoyed his +flushed and scarlet appearance, and retired to rest hopeful and in no +wise regretting her bargain. +</P> + +<P> +The next morning it became instantly evident to the house-maid who +swept the hall, the footman who sorted the letters, and the butler who +sounded the breakfast gong, that a good night's rest had restored to +Tommy the full use of his vocabulary. And when the duchess came sailing +down the stairs, ten minutes after the gong had sounded, and Tommy, +flapping his wings angrily, shrieked at her: "Now then, old girl! Come +on!" she went to breakfast in a more cheerful mood than she had known +for months past. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap02"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER II +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +INTRODUCES THE HONOURABLE JANE +</H3> + +<P> +The only one of her relatives who practically made her home with the +duchess was her niece and former ward, the Honourable Jane Champion; +and this consisted merely in the fact that the Honourable Jane was the +one person who might invite herself to Overdene or Portland Place, +arrive when she chose, stay as long as she pleased, and leave when it +suited her convenience. On the death of her father, when her lonely +girlhood in her Norfolk home came to an end, she would gladly have +filled the place of a daughter to the duchess. But the duchess did not +require a daughter; and a daughter with pronounced views, plenty of +back-bone of her own, a fine figure, and a plain face, would have +seemed to her Grace of Meldrum a peculiarly undesirable acquisition. So +Jane was given to understand that she might come whenever she liked, +and stay as long as she liked, but on the same footing as other people. +This meant liberty to come and go as she pleased; and no responsibility +towards her aunt's guests. The duchess preferred managing her own +parties in her oven way. +</P> + +<P> +Jane Champion was now in her thirtieth year. She had once been +described, by one who saw below the surface, as a perfectly beautiful +woman in an absolutely plain shell; and no man had as yet looked +beneath the shell, and seen the woman in her perfection. She would have +made earth heaven for a blind lover who, not having eyes for the +plainness of her face or the massiveness of her figure, might have +drawn nearer, and apprehended the wonder of her as a woman, +experiencing the wealth of tenderness of which she was capable, the +blessed comfort of the shelter of her love, the perfect comprehension +of her sympathy, the marvellous joy of winning and wedding her. But as +yet, no blind man with far-seeing vision had come her way; and it +always seemed to be her lot to take a second place, on occasions when +she would have filled the first to infinite perfection. +</P> + +<P> +She had been bridesmaid at weddings where the charming brides, +notwithstanding their superficial loveliness, possessed few of the +qualifications for wifehood with which she was so richly endowed. +</P> + +<P> +She was godmother to her friends' babies, she, whose motherhood would +have been a thing for wonder and worship. +</P> + +<P> +She had a glorious voice, but her face not matching it, its existence +was rarely suspected; and as she accompanied to perfection, she was +usually in requisition to play for the singing of others. +</P> + +<P> +In short, all her life long Jane had filled second places, and filled +them very contentedly. She had never known what it was to be absolutely +first with any one. Her mother's death had occurred during her infancy, +so that she had not even the most shadowy remembrance of that maternal +love and tenderness which she used sometimes to try to imagine, +although she had never experienced it. +</P> + +<P> +Her mother's maid, a faithful and devoted woman, dismissed soon after +the death of her mistress, chancing to be in the neighbourhood some +twelve years later, called at the manor, in the hope of finding some in +the household who remembered her. +</P> + +<P> +After tea, Fraulein and Miss Jebb being out of the way, she was +spirited up into the schoolroom to see Miss Jane, her heart full of +memories of the "sweet babe" upon whom she and her dear lady had +lavished so much love and care. +</P> + +<P> +She found awaiting her a tall, plain girl with a frank, boyish manner +and a rather disconcerting way as she afterwards remarked, of "taking +stock of a body the while one was a-talking," which at first checked +the flow of good Sarah's reminiscences, poured forth so freely in the +housekeeper's room below, and reduced her to looking tearfully around +the room, remarking that she remembered choosing the blessed wall-paper +with her dear lady now gone, whose joy had been so great when the dear +babe first took notice and reached up for the roses. "And I can show +you, miss, if you care to know it just which bunch of roses it were." +</P> + +<P> +But before Sarah's visit was over, Jane had heard many +undreamed-of-things; amongst others, that her mother used to kiss her +little hands, "ah, many a time she, did, miss; called them little +rose-petals, and covered them with kisses." +</P> + +<P> +The child, utterly unused to any demonstrations of affection, looked at +her rather ungainly brown hands and laughed, simply because she was +ashamed of the unwonted tightening at her throat and the queer stinging +of tears beneath her eyelids. Thus Sarah departed under the impression +that Miss Jane had grown up into a rather a heartless young lady. But +Fraulein and Jebbie never knew why, from that day onward, the hands, of +which they had so often had cause to complain, were kept scrupulously +clean; and on her birthday night, unashamed in the quiet darkness, the +lonely little child kissed her own hands beneath the bedclothes, +striving thus to reach the tenderness of her dead mother's lips. +</P> + +<P> +And in after years, when she became her own mistress, one of her first +actions was to advertise for Sarah Matthews and engage her as her own +maid, at a salary which enabled the good woman eventually to buy +herself a comfortable annuity. +</P> + +<P> +Jane saw but little of her father, who had found it difficult to +forgive her, firstly, for being a girl when he desired a son; secondly, +being a girl, for having inherited his plainness rather than her +mother's beauty. Parents are apt to see no injustice in the fact that +they are often annoyed with their offspring for possessing attributes, +both of character and appearance, with which they themselves have +endowed them. +</P> + +<P> +The hero of Jane's childhood, the chum of her girlhood and the close +friend of her maturer years, was Deryck Brand, only son of the rector +of the parish, and her senior by nearly ten years. But even in their +friendship, close though it was, she had never felt herself first to +him. As a medical student, at home during vacations, his mother and his +profession took precedence in his mind of the lonely child, whose +devotion pleased him and whose strong character and original mental +development interested him. Later on he married a lovely girl, as +unlike Jane as one woman could possibly be to another; but still their +friendship held and deepened; and now, when he was rapidly advancing to +the very front rank of his profession, her appreciation of his work, +and sympathetic understanding of his aims and efforts, meant more to +him than even the signal mark of royal favour, of which he had lately +been the recipient. +</P> + +<P> +Jane Champion had no close friends amongst the women of her set. Her +lonely girlhood had bred in her an absolute frankness towards herself +and other people which made it difficult for her to understand or +tolerate the little artificialities of society, or the trivial +weaknesses of her own sex. Women to whom she had shown special +kindness—and they were many—maintained an attitude of grateful +admiration in her presence, and of cowardly silence in her absence when +she chanced to be under discussion. +</P> + +<P> +But of men friends she had many, especially among a set of young +fellows just through college, of whom she made particular chums; nice +lads, who wrote to her of their college and mess-room scrapes, as they +would never have dreamed of doing to their own mothers. She knew +perfectly well that they called her "old Jane" and "pretty Jane" and +"dearest Jane" amongst themselves, but she believed in the harmlessness +of their fun and the genuineness of their affection, and gave them a +generous amount of her own in return. +</P> + +<P> +Jane Champion happened just now to be paying one of her long visits to +Overdene, and was playing golf with a boy for whom she had long had a +rod in pickle on this summer afternoon when the duchess went to cut +blooms in her rose-garden. Only, as Jane found out, you cannot +decorously lead up to a scolding if you are very keen on golf, and go +golfing with a person who is equally enthusiastic, and who all the way +to the links explains exactly how he played every hole the last time he +went round, and all the way back gloats over, in retrospection, the way +you and he have played every hole this time. +</P> + +<P> +So Jane considered her afternoon, didactically, a failure. But, in the +smoking-room that night, young Cathcart explained the game all over +again to a few choice spirits, and then remarked: "Old Jane was superb! +Fancy! Such a drive as that, and doing number seven in three and not +talking about it! I've jolly well made up my mind to send no more +bouquets to Tou-Tou. Hang it, boys! You can't see yourself at champagne +suppers with a dancing-woman, when you've walked round the links, on a +day like this, with the Honourable Jane. She drives like a rifle shot, +and when she lofts, you'd think the ball was a swallow; and beat me +three holes up and never mentioned it. By Jove, a fellow wants to have +a clean bill when he shakes hands with her!" +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap03"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER III +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE SURPRISE PACKET +</H3> + +<P> +The sun-dial pointed to half past four o'clock. The hour of silence +appeared to be over. The birds commenced twittering; and a cuckoo, in +an adjacent wood, sounded his note at intervals. +</P> + +<P> +The house awoke to sudden life. There was an opening and shutting of +doors. Two footmen, in the mulberry and silver of the Meldrum livery, +hurried down from the terrace, carrying folding tea-tables, with which +they supplemented those of rustic oak standing permanently under the +cedar. One, promptly returned to the house; while the other remained +behind, spreading snowy cloths over each table. +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +The macaw awoke, stretched his wings and flapped them twice, then +sidled up and down his perch, concentrating his attention upon the +footman. +</P> + +<P> +"Mind!" he exclaimed suddenly, in the butler's voice, as a cloth, flung +on too hurriedly, fluttered to the grass. +</P> + +<P> +"Hold your jaw!" said the young footman irritably, flicking the bird +with the table-cloth, and then glancing furtively at the rose-garden. +</P> + +<P> +"Tommy wants a gooseberry!" shrieked the macaw, dodging the table-cloth +and hanging, head downwards, from his perch. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't you wish you may get it?" said the footman viciously. +</P> + +<P> +"Give it him, somebody," remarked Tommy, in the duchess's voice. +</P> + +<P> +The footman started, and looked over his shoulder; then hurriedly told +Tommy just what he thought of him, and where he wished him; cuffed him +soundly, and returned to the house, followed by peals of laughter, +mingled with exhortations and imprecations from the angry bird, who +danced up and down on his perch until his enemy had vanished from view. +</P> + +<P> +A few minutes later the tables were spread with the large variety of +eatables considered necessary at an English afternoon tea; the massive +silver urn and teapots gleamed on the buffet-table, behind which the +old butler presided; muffins, crumpets, cakes, and every kind of +sandwich supplemented the dainty little rolled slices of white and +brown bread-and-butter, while heaped-up bowls of freshly gathered +strawberries lent a touch of colour to the artistic effect of white and +silver. When all was ready, the butler raised his hand and sounded an +old Chinese gong hanging in the cedar tree. Before the penetrating boom +had died away, voices were heard in the distance from all over the +grounds. +</P> + +<P> +Up from the river, down from the tennis courts, out from house and +garden, came the duchess's guests, rejoicing in the refreshing prospect +of tea, hurrying to the welcome shade of the cedar;—charming women in +white, carefully guarding their complexions beneath shady hats and +picturesque parasols;—delightful girls, who had long ago sacrificed +complexions to comfort, and now walked across the lawn bareheaded, +swinging their rackets and discussing the last hard-fought set; men in +flannels, sunburned and handsome, joining in the talk and laughter; +praising their partners, while remaining unobtrusively silent as to +their own achievements. +</P> + +<P> +They made a picturesque group as they gathered under the tree, +subsiding with immense satisfaction into the low wicker chairs, or on +to the soft turf, and helping themselves to what they pleased. When all +were supplied with tea, coffee, or iced drinks, to their liking, +conversation flowed again. +</P> + +<P> +"So the duchess's concert comes off to-night," remarked some one. "I +wish to goodness they would hang this tree with Chinese lanterns and, +have it out here. It is too hot to face a crowded function indoors." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, that's all right," said Garth Dalmain, "I'm stage-manager, you +know; and I can promise you that all the long windows opening on to the +terrace shall stand wide. So no one need be in the concert-room, who +prefers to stop outside. There will be a row of lounge chairs placed on +the terrace near the windows. You won't see much; but you will hear, +perfectly." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, but half the fun is in seeing," exclaimed one of the tennis girls. +"People who have remained on the terrace will miss all the point of it +afterwards when the dear duchess shows us how everybody did it. I don't +care how hot it is. Book me a seat in the front row!" +</P> + +<P> +"Who is the surprise packet to-night?" asked Lady Ingleby, who had +arrived since luncheon. +</P> + +<P> +"Velma," said Mary Strathern. "She is coming for the week-end, and +delightful it will be to have her. No one but the duchess could have +worked it, and no place but Overdene would have tempted her. She will +sing only one song at the concert; but she is sure to break forth later +on, and give us plenty. We will persuade Jane to drift to the piano +accidentally and play over, just by chance, the opening bars of some of +Velma's best things, and we shall soon hear the magic voice. She never +can resist a perfectly played accompaniment." +</P> + +<P> +"Why call Madame Velma the `surprise packet'?" asked a girl, to whom +the Overdene "best parties" were a new experience. +</P> + +<P> +"That, my dear," replied Lady Ingleby, "is a little joke of the +duchess's. This concert is arranged for the amusement of her house +party, and for the gratification and glorification of local +celebrities. The whole neighbourhood is invited. None of you are asked +to perform, but local celebrities are. In fact they furnish the entire +programme, to their own delight, the satisfaction of their friends and +relatives, and our entertainment, particularly afterwards when the +duchess takes us through every item, with original notes, comments, and +impersonations. Oh, Dal! Do you remember when she tucked a sheet of +white writing-paper into her tea-gown for a dog collar, and took off +the high-church curate nervously singing a comic song? Then at the very +end, you see—and really some of it is quite good for amateurs—she +trots out Velma, or some equally perfect artiste, to show them how it +really can be done; and suddenly the place is full of music, and a +great hush falls on the audience, and the poor complacent amateurs +realise that the noise they have been making was, after all, not music; +and they go dumbly home. But they have forgotten all about it by the +following year; or a fresh contingent of willing performers steps into +the breach. The duchess's little joke always comes off." +</P> + +<P> +"The Honourable Jane does not approve of it," said young Ronald Ingram; +"therefore she is generally given marching orders and departs to her +next visit before the event. But no one can accompany Madame Velma so +perfectly, so this time she is commanded to stay. But I doubt if the +'surprise packet' will come off with quite such a shock as usual, and I +am certain the fun won't be so good afterwards. The Honourable Jane has +been known to jump on the duchess for that sort of thing. She is safe +to get the worst of it at the time, but it has a restraining effect +afterwards." +</P> + +<P> +"I think Miss Champion is quite right," said a bright-faced American +girl, bravely, holding a gold spoon poised for a moment over the +strawberry ice-cream with which Garth Dalmain had supplied her. +</P> + +<P> +"In my country we should call it real mean to laugh, at people who had +been our guests and performed in our houses." +</P> + +<P> +"In your country, my dear," said Myra Ingleby, "you have no duchesses." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, we supply you with quite a good few," replied the American girl +calmly, and went on with her ice. +</P> + +<P> +A general laugh followed; and the latest Anglo-American match came up +for discussion. +</P> + +<P> +"Where is the Honourable Jane?" inquired someone presently. +</P> + +<P> +"Golfing with Billy," said Ronald Ingram. "Ah, here they come." +</P> + +<P> +Jane's tall figure was seen, walking along the terrace, accompanied by +Billy Cathcart, talking eagerly. They put their clubs away in the lower +hall; then came down the lawn together to the tea-tables. +</P> + +<P> +Jane wore a tailor-made coat and skirt of grey tweed, a blue and white +cambric shirt, starched linen collar and cuffs, a silk tie, and a soft +felt hat with a few black quills in it. She walked with the freedom of +movement and swing of limb which indicate great strength and a body +well under control. Her appearance was extraordinarily unlike that of +all the pretty and graceful women grouped beneath the cedar tree. And +yet it was in no sense masculine—or, to use a more appropriate word, +mannish; for everything strong is masculine; but a woman who apes an +appearance of strength which she does not possess, is mannish;—rather +was it so truly feminine that she could afford to adopt a severe +simplicity of attire, which suited admirably the decided plainness of +her features, and the almost massive proportions of her figure. +</P> + +<P> +She stepped into the circle beneath the cedar, and took one of the +half-dozen places immediately vacated by the men, with the complete +absence of self-consciousness which always characterised her. +</P> + +<P> +"What did you go round in, Miss Champion?" inquired one of the men. +</P> + +<P> +"My ordinary clothes," replied Jane; quoting Punch, and evading the +question. +</P> + +<P> +But Billy burst out: "She went round in—" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, be quiet, Billy," interposed Jane. "You and I are practically the +only golf maniacs present. Most of these dear people are even ignorant +as to who 'bogie' is, or why we should be so proud of beating him. +Where is my aunt? Poor Simmons was toddling all over the place when we +went in to put away our clubs, searching for her with a telegram." +</P> + +<P> +"Why didn't you open it?" asked Myra. +</P> + +<P> +"Because my aunt never allows her telegrams to be opened. She loves +shocks; and there is always the possibility of a telegram containing +startling news. She says it completely spoils it if some one else knows +it first, and breaks it to her gently." +</P> + +<P> +"Here comes the duchess," said Garth Dalmain, who was sitting where he +could see the little gate into the rose-garden. +</P> + +<P> +"Do not mention the telegram," cautioned Jane. "It would not please her +that I should even know of its arrival. It would be a shame to take any +of the bloom off the unexpected delight of a wire on this hot day, when +nothing unusual seemed likely to happen." +</P> + +<P> +They turned and looked towards the duchess as she bustled across the +lawn; this quaint old figure, who had called them together; who owned +the lovely place where they were spending such delightful days; and +whose odd whimsicalities had been so freely discussed while they drank +her tea and feasted off her strawberries. The men rose as she +approached, but not quite so spontaneously as they had done for her +niece. +</P> + +<P> +The duchess carried a large wooden basket filled to overflowing with +exquisite roses. Every bloom was perfect, and each had been cut at +exactly the right moment. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap04"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER IV +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +JANE VOLUNTEERS +</H3> + +<P> +The duchess plumped down her basket in the middle of the strawberry +table. +</P> + +<P> +"There, good people!" she said, rather breathlessly. "Help yourselves, +and let me see you all wearing roses to-night. And the concert-room is +to be a bower of roses. We will call it 'LA FETE DES ROSES.' ... No, +thank you, Ronnie. That tea has been made half an hour at least, and +you ought to love me too well to press it upon me. Besides, I never +take tea. I have a whiskey and soda when I wake from my nap, and that +sustains me until dinner. Oh yes, my dear Myra, I know I came to your +interesting meeting, and signed that excellent pledge 'POUR ENCOURAGER +LES AUTRES'; but I drove straight to my doctor when I left your house, +and he gave me a certificate to say I MUST take something when I needed +it; and I always need it when I wake from my nap.... Really, Dal, it +is positively wicked for any man, off the stage, to look as picturesque +as you do, in that pale violet shirt, and dark violet tie, and those +white flannels. If I were your grandmother I should send you in to take +them off. If you turn the heads of old dowagers such as I am, what +chance have all these chickens? ... Hush, Tommy! That was a very +naughty word! And you need not be jealous of Dal. I admire you still +more. Dal, will you paint my scarlet macaw?" +</P> + +<P> +The young artist, whose portraits in that year's Academy had created +much interest in the artistic world, and whose violet shirt had just +been so severely censured, lay back in his lounge-chair, with his arms +behind his head and a gleam of amusement in his bright brown eyes. +</P> + +<P> +"No, dear Duchess," he said. "I beg respectfully to decline the +commission, Tommy would require a Landseer to do full justice to his +attitudes and expression. Besides, it would be demoralising to an +innocent and well-brought-up youth, such as you know me to be, to spend +long hours in Tommy's society, listening to the remarks that sweet bird +would make while I painted him. But I will tell you what I will do. I +will paint you, dear Duchess, only not in that hat! Ever since I was +quite a small boy, a straw hat with black ribbons tied under the chin +has made me feel ill. If I yielded to my natural impulses now, I should +hide my face in Miss Champion's lap, and kick and scream until you took +it off. I will paint you in the black velvet gown you wore last night, +with the Medici collar; and the jolly arrangement of lace and diamonds +on your head. And in your hand you shall hold an antique crystal +mirror, mounted in silver." +</P> + +<P> +The artist half closed his eyes, and as he described his picture in a +voice full of music and mystery, an attentive hush fell upon the gay +group around him. When Garth Dalmain described his pictures, people saw +them. When they walked into the Academy or the New Gallery the +following year, they would say: "Ah, there it is! just as we saw it +that day, before a stroke of it was on the canvas." +</P> + +<P> +"In your left hand, you shall hold the mirror, but you shall not be +looking into it; because you never look into mirrors, dear Duchess, +excepting to see whether the scolding you are giving your maid, as she +stands behind you, is making her cry; and whether that is why she is +being so clumsy in her manipulation of pins and things. If it is, you +promptly promise her a day off, to go and see her old mother; and pay +her journey there and back. If it isn't, you scold her some more. Were +I the maid, I should always cry, large tears warranted to show in the +glass; only I should not sniff, because sniffing is so intensely +aggravating; and I should be most frightfully careful that my tears did +not run down your neck." +</P> + +<P> +"Dal, you ridiculous CHILD!" said the duchess. "Leave off talking about +my maids, and my neck, and your crocodile tears, and finish describing +the portrait. What do I do, with the mirror?" +</P> + +<P> +"You do not look into it," continued Garth Dalmain, meditatively; +"because we KNOW that is a thing you never do. Even when you put on +that hat, and tie those ribbons—Miss Champion, I wish you would hold +my hand—in a bow under your chin, you don't consult the mirror. But +you shall sit with it in your left hand, your elbow resting on an +Eastern table of black ebony inlaid with mother-of-pearl. You will turn +it from you, so that it reflects something exactly in front of you in +the imaginary foreground. You will be looking at this unseen object +with an expression of sublime affection. And in the mirror I will paint +a vivid, brilliant, complete reflection, minute, but perfect in every +detail, of your scarlet macaw on his perch. We will call it +'Reflections,' because one must always give a silly up-to-date title to +pictures, and just now one nondescript word is the fashion, unless you +feel it needful to attract to yourself the eye of the public, in the +catalogue, by calling your picture twenty lines of Tennyson. But when +the portrait goes down to posterity as a famous picture, it will figure +in the catalogue of the National Gallery as 'The Duchess, the Mirror, +and the Macaw.'" +</P> + +<P> +"Bravo!" said the duchess, delighted. "You shall paint it, Dal, in time +for next year's Academy, and we will all go and see it." +</P> + +<P> +And he did. And they all went. And when they saw it they said: "Ah, of +course! There it is; just as we saw it under the cedar at Overdene." +</P> + +<P> +"Here comes Simmons with something on a salver," exclaimed the duchess. +"How that man waddles! Why can't somebody teach him to step out? Jane! +You march across this lawn like a grenadier. Can't you explain to +Simmons how it's done? ... Well? What is it? Ha! A telegram. Now what +horrible thing can have happened? Who would like to guess? I hope it is +not merely some idiot who has missed a train." +</P> + +<P> +Amid a breathless and highly satisfactory silence, the duchess tore +open the orange envelope. +</P> + +<P> +Apparently the shock was of a thorough, though not enjoyable, kind; for +the duchess, at all times highly coloured, became purple as she read, +and absolutely inarticulate with indignation. Jane rose quietly, looked +over her aunt's shoulder, read the long message, and returned to her +seat. +</P> + +<P> +"Creature!" exclaimed the duchess, at last. "Oh, creature! This comes +of asking them as friends. And I had a lovely string of pearls for her, +worth far more than she would have been offered, professionally, for +one song. And to fail at the last minute! Oh, CREATURE!" +</P> + +<P> +"Dear aunt," said Jane, "if poor Madame Velma has a sudden attack of +laryngitis, she could not possibly sing a note, even had the Queen +commanded her. Her telegram is full of regrets." +</P> + +<P> +"Don't argue, Jane!" exclaimed the duchess, crossly. "And don't drag in +the Queen, who has nothing to do with my concert or Velma's throat. I +do abominate irrelevance, and you know it! WHY must she have her +what—do—you—call—it, just when she was coming to sing here? In my +young days people never had these new-fangled complaints. I have no +patience with all this appendicitis and what not—cutting people open +at every possible excuse. In my young days we called it a good +old-fashioned stomach-ache, and gave them Turkey rhubarb!" +</P> + +<P> +Myra Ingleby hid her face behind her garden hat; and Garth Dalmain +whispered to Jane: "I do abominate irrelevance, and you know it!" But +Jane shook her head at him, and refused to smile. +</P> + +<P> +"Tommy wants a gooseberry!" shouted the macaw, having apparently +noticed the mention of rhubarb. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, give it him, somebody!" said the worried duchess. +</P> + +<P> +"Dear aunt," said Jane, "there are no gooseberries." +</P> + +<P> +"Don't argue, girl!" cried the duchess, furiously; and Garth, +delighted, shook his head at Jane. "When he says 'gooseberry,' he means +anything GREEN, as you very well know!" +</P> + +<P> +Half a dozen people hastened to Tommy with lettuce, water-cress, and +cucumber sandwiches; and Garth picked one blade of grass, and handed it +to Jane; with an air of anxious solicitude; but Jane ignored it. +</P> + +<P> +"No answer, Simmons," said the duchess. "Why don't you go? ... Oh, +how that man waddles! Teach him to walk, somebody! Now the question is, +What is to be done? Here is half the county coming to hear Velma, by my +invitation; and Velma in London pretending to have appendicitis—no, I +mean the other thing. Oh, 'drat the woman!' as that clever bird would +say." +</P> + +<P> +"Hold your jaw!" shouted Tommy. The duchess smiled, and consented to +sit down. +</P> + +<P> +"But, dear Duchess," suggested Garth in his most soothing voice, "the +county does not know Madame Velma was to be here. It was a profound +secret. You were to trot her out at the end. Lady Ingleby called her +your 'surprise packet.'" +</P> + +<P> +Myra came out from behind her garden hat, and the duchess nodded at her +approvingly. +</P> + +<P> +"Quite true," she said. "That was the lovely part of it. Oh, creature!" +</P> + +<P> +"But, dear Duchess," pursued Garth persuasively, "if the county did not +know, the county will not be disappointed. They are coming to listen to +one another, and to hear themselves, and to enjoy your claret-cup and +ices. All this they will do, and go away delighted, saying how cleverly +the dear duchess, discovers and exploits local talent." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, ha!" said the duchess, with a gleam in the hawk eye, and a raising +of the hooked nose-which Mrs. Parker Bangs of Chicago, who had met the +duchess once or twice, described as "genuine Plantagenet"—"but they +will go away wise in their own conceits, and satisfied with their own +mediocre performances. My idea is to let them do it, and then show them +how it should be done." +</P> + +<P> +"But Aunt 'Gina," said Jane, gently; "surely you forget that most of +these people have been to town and heard plenty of good music, Madame +Velma herself most likely, and all the great singers. They know they +cannot sing like a prima donna; but they do their anxious best, because +you ask them. I cannot see that they require an object lesson." +</P> + +<P> +"Jane," said the duchess, "for the third time this afternoon I must +request you not to argue." +</P> + +<P> +"Miss Champion," said Garth Dalmain, "if I were your grandmamma, I +should send you to bed." +</P> + +<P> +"What is to be done?" reiterated the duchess. "She was to sing THE +ROSARY. I had set my heart on it. The whole decoration of the room is +planned to suit that song—festoons of white roses; and a great +red-cross at the back of the platform, made entirely of crimson +ramblers. Jane!" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, aunt." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, don't say 'Yes, aunt,' in that senseless way! Can't you make some +suggestion?" +</P> + +<P> +"Drat the woman!" exclaimed Tommy, suddenly. +</P> + +<P> +"Hark to that sweet bird!" cried the duchess, her good humour fully +restored. "Give him a strawberry, somebody. Now, Jane, what do you +suggest?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane Champion was seated with her broad back half turned to her aunt, +one knee crossed over the other, her large, capable hands clasped round +it. She loosed her hands, turned slowly round, and looked into the keen +eyes peering at her from under the mushroom hat. As she read the +half-resentful, half-appealing demand in them, a slow smile dawned in +her own. She waited a moment to make sure of the duchess's meaning, +then said quietly: "I will sing THE ROSARY for you, in Velma's place, +to-night, if you really wish it, aunt." +</P> + +<P> +Had the gathering under the tree been a party of "mere people," it +would have gasped. Had it been a "freak party," it would have been +loud-voiced in its expressions of surprise. Being a "best party," it +gave no outward sign; but a sense of blank astonishment, purely mental, +was in the air. The duchess herself was the only person present who had +heard Jane Champion sing. +</P> + +<P> +"Have you the song?" asked her Grace of Meldrum, rising, and picking up +her telegram and empty basket. +</P> + +<P> +"I have," said Jane. "I spent a few hours with Madame Blanche when I +was in town last month; and she, who so rarely admires these modern +songs, was immensely taken with it. She sang it, and allowed me to +accompany her. We spent nearly an hour over it. I obtained a copy +afterwards." +</P> + +<P> +"Good," said the duchess. "Then I count on you. Now I must send a +sympathetic telegram to that poor dear Velma, who will be fretting at +having to fail us. So 'au revoir,' good people. Remember, we dine +punctually at eight o'clock. Music is supposed to begin at nine. +Ronnie, be a kind boy, and carry Tommy into the hall for me. He will +screech so fearfully if he sees me walk away without him. He is so very +loving, dear bird!" +</P> + +<P> +Silence under the cedar. +</P> + +<P> +Most people were watching young Ronald, holding the stand as much at +arm's length as possible; while Tommy, keeping his balance wonderfully, +sidled up close to him, evidently making confidential remarks into +Ronnie's terrified ear. The duchess walked on before, quite satisfied +with the new turn events had taken. +</P> + +<P> +One or two people were watching Jane. +</P> + +<P> +"It is very brave of you," said Myra Ingleby, at length. "I would offer +to play your accompaniment, dear; but I can only manage Au clair de la +lune, and Three Blind Mice, with one finger." +</P> + +<P> +"And I would offer to play your accompaniment, dear," said Garth +Dalmain, "if you were going to sing Lassen's Allerseelen, for I play +that quite beautifully with ten fingers! It is an education only to +hear the way I bring out the tolling of the cemetery chapel bell right +through the song. The poor thing with the bunch of purple heather can +never get away from it. Even in the grand crescendo, appassionata, +fortissimo, when they discover that 'in death's dark valley this is +Holy Day,' I give then no holiday from that bell. I don't know what it +did 'once in May.' It tolls all the time, with maddening persistence, +in my accompaniment. But I have seen The Rosary, and I dare not face +those chords. To begin with, you start in every known flat; and before +you have gone far you have gathered unto yourself handfuls of known and +unknown sharps, to which you cling, not daring to let them go, lest +they should be wanted again the next moment. Alas, no! When it is a +question of accompanying The Rosary, I must say, as the old farmer at +the tenants' dinner the other day said to the duchess when she pressed +upon him a third helping of pudding: 'Madam, I CANNOT!'" +</P> + +<P> +"Don't be silly, Dal," said Jane. "You could accompany The Rosary +perfectly, if I wanted it done. But, as it happens, I prefer +accompanying myself." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah," said Lady Ingleby, sympathetically, "I quite understand that. It +would be such a relief all the time to know that if things seemed going +wrong, you could stop the other part, and give yourself the note." +</P> + +<P> +The only two real musicians present glanced at each other, and a gleam +of amusement passed between them. +</P> + +<P> +"It certainly would be useful, if necessary," said Jane. +</P> + +<P> +"<I>I</I> would 'stop the other part' and 'give you the note,'" said Garth, +demurely. +</P> + +<P> +"I am sure you would," said Jane. "You are always so very kind. But I +prefer to keep the matter in my own hands." +</P> + +<P> +"You realise the difficulty of making the voice carry in a place of +that size unless you can stand and face the audience?" Garth Dalmain +spoke anxiously. Jane was a special friend of his, and he had a man's +dislike of the idea of his chum failing in anything, publicly. +</P> + +<P> +The same quiet smile dawned in Jane's eyes and passed to her lips as +when she had realised that her aunt meant her to volunteer in Velma's +place. She glanced around. Most of the party had wandered off in twos +and threes, some to the house, others back to the river. She and Dal +and Myra were practically alone. Her calm eyes were full of quiet +amusement as she steadfastly met the anxious look in Garth's, and +answered his question. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, I know. But the acoustic properties of the room are very perfect, +and I have learned to throw my voice. Perhaps you may not know—in +fact, how should you know?—but I have had the immense privilege of +studying with Madame Marchesi in Paris, and of keeping up to the mark +since by an occasional delightful hour with her no less gifted daughter +in London. So I ought to know all there is to know about the management +of a voice, if I have at all adequately availed myself of such golden +opportunities." +</P> + +<P> +These quiet words were Greek to Myra, conveying no more to her mind +than if Jane had said: "I have been learning Tonic sol-fa." In fact, +not quite so much, seeing that Lady Ingleby had herself once tried to +master the Tonic sol-fa system in order to instruct her men and maids +in part-singing. It was at a time when she owned a distinctly musical +household. The second footman possessed a fine barytone. The butler +could "do a little bass," which is to say that, while the other parts +soared to higher regions, he could stay on the bottom note if carefully +placed there, and told to remain. The head housemaid sang what she +called "seconds"; in other words, she followed along, slightly behind +the trebles as regarded time, and a major third below them as regarded +pitch. The housekeeper, a large, dark person with a fringe on her upper +lip, unshaven and unashamed, produced a really remarkable effect by +singing the air an octave below the trebles. Unfortunately Lady Ingleby +was apt to confuse her with the butler. Myra herself was the first to +admit that she had not "much ear"; but it was decidedly trying, at a +moment when she dared not remove her eyes from the accompaniment of +Good King Wenceslas, to have called out: "Stay where you are, Jenkins!" +and then find it was Mrs. Jarvis who had been travelling upwards. But +when a new footman, engaged by Lord Ingleby with no reference to his +musical gifts, chanced to possess a fine throaty tenor, Myra felt she +really had material with which great things might be accomplished, and +decided herself to learn the Tonic sol-fa system. She easily mastered +mi, re, do, and so, fa, fa, mi, because these represented the opening +lines of Three Blind Mice, always a musical landmark to Myra. But when +it came to the fugue-like intricacies in the theme of "They all ran +after the farmer's wife," Lady Ingleby was lost without the words to +cling to, and gave up the Tonic sol-fa system in despair. +</P> + +<P> +So the name of the greatest teacher of singing of this age did not +convey much to Myra's mind. But Garth Dalmain sat up. +</P> + +<P> +"I say! No wonder you take it coolly. Why, Velma herself was a pupil of +the great madame." +</P> + +<P> +"That is how it happens that I know her rather well," said Jane. "I am +here to-day because I was to have played her accompaniment." +</P> + +<P> +"I see," said Garth. "And now you have to do both. 'Land's sake!' as +Mrs. Parker Bangs says when you explain who's who at a Marlborough +House garden party. But you prefer playing other people's +accompaniments, to singing yourself, don't you?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane's slow smile dawned again. +</P> + +<P> +"I prefer singing," she said, "but accompanying is more useful." +</P> + +<P> +"Of course it is," said Garth. "Heaps of people can sing a little, but +very few can accompany properly." +</P> + +<P> +"Jane," said Myra, her grey eyes looking out lazily from under their +long black lashes, "if you have had singing lessons, and know some +songs, why hasn't the duchess turned you on to sing to us before this?" +</P> + +<P> +"For a sad reason," Jane replied. "You know her only son died eight +years ago? He was such a handsome, talented fellow. He and I inherited +our love of music from our grandfather. My cousin got into a musical +set at college, studied with enthusiasm, and wanted to take it up +professionally. He had promised, one Christmas vacation, to sing at a +charity concert in town, and went out, when only just recovering from +influenza, to fulfil this engagement. He had a relapse, double +pneumonia set in, and he died in five days from heart failure. My poor +aunt was frantic with grief; and since then any mention of my love of +music makes her very bitter. I, too, wanted to take it up +professionally, but she put her foot down heavily. I scarcely ever +venture to sing or play here." +</P> + +<P> +"Why not elsewhere?" asked Garth Dalmain. "We have stayed about at the +same houses, and I had not the faintest idea you sang." +</P> + +<P> +"I do not know," said Jane slowly. "But—music means so much to me. It +is a sort of holy of holies in the tabernacle of one's inner being. And +it is not easy to lift the veil." +</P> + +<P> +"The veil will be lifted to-night," said Myra Ingleby. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," agreed Jane, smiling a little ruefully, "I suppose it will." +</P> + +<P> +"And we shall pass in," said Garth Dalmain. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap05"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER V +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CONFIDENCES +</H3> + +<P> +The shadows silently lengthened on the lawn. +</P> + +<P> +The home-coming rooks circled and cawed around the tall elm trees. +</P> + +<P> +The sun-dial pointed to six o'clock. +</P> + +<P> +Myra Ingleby rose and stood with the slanting rays of the sun full in +her eyes, her arms stretched over her head. The artist noted every +graceful line of her willowy figure. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, bah!" she yawned. "It is so perfect out here, and I must go in to +my maid. Jane, be advised in time. Do not ever begin facial massage. +You become a slave to it, and it takes up hours of your day. Look at +me." +</P> + +<P> +They were both looking already. Myra was worth looking at. +</P> + +<P> +"For ordinary dressing purposes, I need not have gone in until seven; +and now I must lose this last, perfect hour." +</P> + +<P> +"What happens?" asked Jane. "I know nothing of the process." +</P> + +<P> +"I can't go into details," replied Lady Ingleby, "but you know how +sweet I have looked all day? Well, if I did not go to my maid now, I +should look less sweet by the end of dinner, and at the close of the +evening I should appear ten years older." +</P> + +<P> +"You would always look sweet," said Jane, with frank sincerity; "and +why mind looking the age you are?" +</P> + +<P> +"My dear, 'a man is as old as he feels; a woman is as old as she +looks,'" quoted Myra. +</P> + +<P> +"I FEEL just seven," said Garth. +</P> + +<P> +"And you LOOK seventeen," laughed Myra. +</P> + +<P> +"And I AM twenty-seven," retorted Garth; "so the duchess should not +call me 'a ridiculous child.' And, dear lady, if curtailing this +mysterious process is going to make you one whit less lovely to-night, +I do beseech you to hasten to your maid, or you will spoil my whole +evening. I shall burst into tears at dinner, and the duchess hates +scenes, as you very well know!" +</P> + +<P> +Lady Ingleby flapped him with her garden hat as she passed. +</P> + +<P> +"Be quiet, you ridiculous child!" she said. "You had no business to +listen to what I was saying to Jane. You shall paint me this autumn. +And after that I will give up facial massage, and go abroad, and come +back quite old." +</P> + +<P> +She flung this last threat over her shoulder as she trailed away across +the lawn. +</P> + +<P> +"How lovely she is!" commented Garth, gazing after her. "How much of +that was true, do you suppose, Miss Champion?" +</P> + +<P> +"I have not the slightest idea," replied Jane. "I am completely +ignorant on the subject of facial massage." +</P> + +<P> +"Not much, I should think," continued Garth, "or she would not have +told us." +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +"Ah, you are wrong there," replied Jane, quickly. "Myra is +extraordinarily honest, and always inclined to be frank about herself +and her foibles. She had a curious upbringing. She is one of a large +family, and was always considered the black sheep, not so much by her +brothers and sisters, as by her mother. Nothing she was, or said, or +did, was ever right. When Lord Ingleby met her, and I suppose saw her +incipient possibilities, she was a tall, gawky girl, with lovely eyes, +a sweet, sensitive mouth, and a what-on-earth-am-I-going-to-do-next +expression on her face. He was twenty years her senior, but fell most +determinedly in love with her and, though her mother pressed upon him +all her other daughters in turn, he would have Myra or nobody. When he +proposed to her it was impossible at first to make her understand what +he meant. His meaning dawned on her at length, and he was not kept +waiting long for her answer. I have often heard him tease her about it. +She looked at him with an adorable smile, her eyes brimming over with +tears, and said: 'Why, of course. I'll marry you GRATEFULLY, and I +think it is perfectly sweet of you to like me. But what a blow for +mamma!' They were married with as little delay as possible, and he took +her off to Paris, Italy, and Egypt, had six months abroad, and brought +her back—this! I was staying with them once, and her mother was also +there. We were sitting in the morning room,—no men, just half a dozen +women,—and her mother began finding fault about something, and said: +'Has not Lord Ingleby often told you of it?' Myra looked up in her +sweet, lazy way and answered: 'Dear mamma, I know it must seem strange +to you, but, do you know, my husband thinks everything I do perfect.' +'Your husband is a fool!' snapped her mother. 'From YOUR point of view, +dear mamma,' said Myra, sweetly." +</P> + +<P> +"Old curmudgeon!" remarked Garth. "Why are people of that sort allowed +to be called 'mothers'? We, who have had tender, perfect mothers, would +like to make it law that the other kind should always be called +'she-parents,' or 'female progenitors,' or any other descriptive title, +but not profane the sacred name of mother!" +</P> + +<P> +Jane was silent. She knew the beautiful story of Garth's boyhood with +his widowed mother. She knew his passionate adoration of her sainted +memory. She liked him best when she got a glimpse beneath the surface, +and did not wish to check his mood by reminding him that she herself +had never even lisped that name. +</P> + +<P> +Garth rose from his chair and stretched his slim figure in the slanting +sun-rays, much as Myra had done. Jane looked at him. As is often the +case with plain people, great physical beauty appealed to her strongly. +She only allowed to that appeal its right proportion in her estimation +of her friends. Garth Dalmain by no means came first among her +particular chums. He was older than most of them, and yet in some ways +younger than any, and his remarkable youthfulness of manner and +exuberance of spirits sometimes made him appear foolish to Jane, whose +sense of humour was of a more sedate kind. But of the absolute +perfection of his outward appearance, there was no question; and Jane +looked at him now, much as his own mother might have looked, with +honest admiration in her kind eyes. +</P> + +<P> +Garth, notwithstanding the pale violet shirt and dark violet tie, was +quite unconscious of his own appearance; and, dazzled by the golden +sunlight, was also unconscious of Jane's look. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I say, Miss Champion!" he cried, boyishly. "Isn't it nice that +they have all gone in? I have been wanting a good jaw with you. Really, +when we all get together we do drivel sometimes, to keep the ball +rolling. It is like patting up air-balls; and very often they burst, +and one realises that an empty, shrivelled little skin is all that is +left after most conversations. Did you ever buy air-balls at Brighton? +Do you remember the wild excitement of seeing the man coming along the +parade, with a huge bunch of them—blue, green, red, white, and yellow, +all shining in the sun? And one used to wonder how he ever contrived to +pick them all up—I don't know how!—and what would happen if he put +them all down. I always knew exactly which one I wanted, and it was +generally on a very inside string and took a long time to disentangle. +And how maddening it was if the grown-ups grew tired of waiting, and +walked on with the penny. Only I would rather have had none, than not +have the one on which I had fixed my heart. Wouldn't you?" +</P> + +<P> +"I never bought air-balls at Brighton," replied Jane, without +enthusiasm. Garth was feeling seven again, and Jane was feeling bored. +</P> + +<P> +For once he seemed conscious of this. He took his coat from the back of +the chair where he had hung it, and put it on. +</P> + +<P> +"Come along, Miss Champion," he said; "I am so tired of doing nothing. +Let us go down to the river and find a boat or two. Dinner is not until +eight o'clock, and I am certain you can dress, even for the ROLE of +Velma, in half an hour. I have known you do it in ten minutes, at a +pinch. There is ample time for me to row you within sight of the +minster, and we can talk as we go. Ah, fancy! the grey old minster with +this sunset behind it, and a field of cowslips in the foreground!" +</P> + +<P> +But Jane did not rise. +</P> + +<P> +"My dear Dal," she said, "you would not feel much enthusiasm for the +minster or the sunset, after you had pulled my twelve stone odd up the +river. You would drop exhausted among the cowslips. Surely you might +know by now that I am not the sort of person to be told off to sit in +the stern of a tiny skiff and steer. If I am in a boat, I like to row; +and if I row, I prefer rowing stroke. But I do not want to row now, +because I have been playing golf the whole afternoon. And you know +perfectly well it would be no pleasure to you to have to gaze at me all +the way up and all the way down the river; knowing all the time, that I +was mentally criticising your stroke and marking the careless way you +feathered." +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +Garth sat down, lay back in his chair, with his arms behind his sleek +dark head, and looked at her with his soft shining eyes, just as he had +looked at the duchess. +</P> + +<P> +"How cross you are, old chap," he said, gently. "What is the matter?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane laughed and held out her hand. "Oh, you dear boy! I think you have +the sweetest temper in the world. I won't be cross any more. The truth +is, I hate the duchess's concerts, and I don't like being the duchess's +'surprise-packet.'" +</P> + +<P> +"I see," said Garth, sympathetically. "But, that being so, why did you +offer?" +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, I had to," said Jane. "Poor old dear! She so rarely asks me +anything, and her eyes besought. Don't you know how one longs to have +something to do for some one who belongs to one? I would black her +boots if she wished it. But it is so hard to stay here, week after +week, and be kept at arm's length. This one thing she asked of me, and +her proud old eyes pleaded. Could I refuse?" +</P> + +<P> +Garth was all sympathy. "No, dear," he said thoughtfully; "of course +you couldn't. And don't bother over that silly joke about the 'surprise +packet.' You see, you won't be that. I have no doubt you sing vastly +better than most of them, but they will not realise it. It takes a +Velma to make such people as these sit up. They will think THE ROSARY a +pretty song, and give you a mild clap, and there the thing will end. So +don't worry." +</P> + +<P> +Jane sat and considered this. Then: "Dal," she said, "I do hate singing +before that sort of audience. It is like giving them your soul to look +at, and you don't want them to see it. It seems indecent. To my mind, +music is the most REVEALING thing in the world. I shiver when I think +of that song, and yet I daren't do less than my best. When the moment +comes, I shall live in the song, and forget the audience. Let me tell +you a lesson I once had from Madame Blanche. I was singing Bemberg's +CHANT HINDOU, the passionate prayer of an Indian woman to Brahma. I +began: 'BRAHMA! DIEU DES CROYANTS,' and sang it as I might have sung +'DO, RE, MI.' Brahma was nothing to me. 'Stop!' cried Madame Blanche in +her most imperious manner. 'Ah, vous Anglais! What are you doing? +BRAHMA, c'est un Dieu! He may not be YOUR God. He may not be MY God. +But he is somebody's God. He is the God of the song. Ecoutez!' And she +lifted her head and sang: 'Brahma! Dieu des croyants! Maitre des cites +saintes!' with her beautiful brow illumined, and a passion of religious +fervour which thrilled one's soul. It was a lesson I never forgot. I +can honestly say I have never sung a song tamely, since." +</P> + +<P> +"Fine!" said Garth Dalmain. "I like enthusiasm in every branch of art. +I never care to paint a portrait, unless I adore the woman I am +painting." +</P> + +<P> +Jane smiled. The conversation was turning exactly the way she had hoped +eventually to lead it. +</P> + +<P> +"Dal, dear," she said, "you adore so many in turn, that we old friends, +who have your real interest at heart, fear you will never adore to any +definite purpose." +</P> + +<P> +Garth laughed. "Oh bother!" he said. "Are you like all the rest? Do you +also think adoration and admiration must necessarily mean marriage. I +should have expected you to take a saner and more masculine view." +</P> + +<P> +"My dear boy," said Jane, "your friends have decided that you need a +wife. You are alone in the world. You have a lovely home. You are in a +fair way to be spoiled by all the silly women who run after you. Of +course we are perfectly aware that your wife must have every +incomparable beauty under the sun united in her own exquisite person. +But each new divinity you see and paint apparently fulfils, for the +time being, this wondrous ideal; and, perhaps, if you wedded one, +instead of painting her, she might continue permanently to fulfil it." +</P> + +<P> +Garth considered this in silence, his level brows knitted. At last he +said: "Beauty is so much a thing of the surface. I see it, and admire +it. I desire it, and paint it. When I have painted it, I have made it +my own, and somehow I find I have done with it. All the time I am +painting a woman, I am seeking for her soul. I want to express it on my +canvas; and do you know, Miss Champion, I find that a lovely woman does +not always have a lovely soul." +</P> + +<P> +Jane was silent. The last things she wished to discuss were other +women's souls. +</P> + +<P> +"There is just one who seems to me perfect," continued Garth. "I am to +paint her this autumn. I believe I shall find her soul as exquisite as +her body." +</P> + +<P> +"And she is—?" inquired Jane. +</P> + +<P> +"Lady Brand." +</P> + +<P> +"Flower!" exclaimed Jane. "Are YOU so taken with Flower?" +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, she is lovely," said Garth, with reverent enthusiasm. "It +positively is not right for any one to be so absolutely flawlessly +lovely. It makes me ache. Do you know that feeling, Miss Champion, of +perfect loveliness making you ache?" +</P> + +<P> +"No, I don't," said Jane, shortly. "And I do not think other people's +wives ought to have that effect upon you." +</P> + +<P> +"My dear old chap," exclaimed Garth, astonished; "it has nothing to do +with wives or no wives. A wood of bluebells in morning sunshine would +have precisely the same effect. I ache to paint her. When I have +painted her and really done justice to that matchless loveliness as I +see it, I shall feel all right. At present I have only painted her from +memory; but she is to sit to me in October." +</P> + +<P> +"From memory?" questioned Jane. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, I paint a great deal from memory. Give me one look of a certain +kind at a face, let me see it at a moment which lets one penetrate +beneath the surface, and I can paint that face from memory weeks after. +Lots of my best studies have been done that way. Ah, the delight of it! +Beauty—the worship of beauty is to me a religion." +</P> + +<P> +"Rather a godless form of religion," suggested Jane. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah no," said Garth reverently. "All true beauty comes from God, and +leads back to God. 'Every good gift and every perfect gift is from +above, and cometh down from the Father of lights.' I once met an old +freak who said all sickness came from the devil. I never could believe +that, for my mother was an invalid during the last years of her life, +and I can testify that her sickness was a blessing to many, and borne +to the glory of God. But I am, convinced all true beauty is God-given, +and that is why the worship of beauty is to me a religion. Nothing bad +was ever truly beautiful; nothing good is ever really ugly." +</P> + +<P> +Jane smiled as she watched him, lying back in the golden sunlight, the +very personification of manly beauty. The absolute lack of +self-consciousness, either for himself or for her, which allowed him to +talk thus to the plainest woman of his acquaintance, held a vein of +humour which diverted Jane. It appealed to her more than buying +coloured air-balls, or screaming because the duchess wore a mushroom +hat. +</P> + +<P> +"Then are plain people to be denied their share of goodness, Dal?" she +asked. +</P> + +<P> +"Plainness is not ugliness," replied Garth Dalmain simply. "I learned +that when quite a small boy. My mother took me to hear a famous +preacher. As he sat on the platform during the preliminaries he seemed +to me quite the ugliest man I had ever seen. He reminded me of a +grotesque gorilla, and I dreaded the moment when he should rise up and +face us and give out a text. It seemed to me there ought to be bars +between, and that we should want to throw nuts and oranges. But when he +rose to speak, his face was transfigured. Goodness and inspiration +shone from it, making it as the face of an angel. I never again thought +him ugly. The beauty of his soul shone through, transfiguring his body. +Child though I was, I could differentiate even then between ugliness +and plainness. When he sat down at the close of his magnificent sermon, +I no longer thought him a complicated form of chimpanzee. I remembered +the divine halo of his smile. Of course his actual plainness of feature +remained. It was not the sort of face one could have wanted to live +with, or to have day after day opposite to one at table. But then one +was not called to that sort of discipline, which would have been +martyrdom to me. And he has always stood to my mind since as a proof of +the truth that goodness is never ugly; and that divine love and +aspiration shining through the plainest features may redeem them +temporarily into beauty; and, permanently, into a thing one loves to +remember." +</P> + +<P> +"I see," said Jane. "It must have often helped you to a right view to +have realised that so long ago. But now let us return to the important +question of the face which you ARE to have daily opposite you at table. +It cannot be Lady Brand's, nor can it be Myra's; but, you know, Dal, a +very lovely one is being suggested for the position." +</P> + +<P> +"No names, please," said Garth, quickly. "I object to girls' names +being mentioned in this sort of conversation." +</P> + +<P> +"Very well, dear boy. I understand and respect your objection. You have +made her famous already by your impressionist portrait of her, and I +hear you are to do a more elaborate picture 'in the fall.' Now, Dal, +you know you admire her immensely. She is lovely, she is charming, she +hails from the land whose women, when they possess charm, unite with it +a freshness and a piquancy which place them beyond compare. In some +ways you are so unique yourself that you ought to have a wife with a +certain amount of originality. Now, I hardly know how far the opinion +of your friends would influence you in such a matter, but you may like +to hear how fully they approve your very open allegiance to—shall we +say—the beautiful 'Stars and Stripes'?" +</P> + +<P> +Garth Dalmain took out his cigarette case, carefully selected a +cigarette, and sat with it between his fingers in absorbed +contemplation. +</P> + +<P> +"Smoke," said Jane. +</P> + +<P> +"Thanks," said Garth. He struck a match and very deliberately lighted +his cigarette. As he flung away the vesta the breeze caught it and it +fell on the lawn, flaming brightly. Garth sprang up and extinguished +it, then drew his chair more exactly opposite to Jane's and lay back, +smoking meditatively, and watching the little rings he blew, mount into +the cedar branches, expand, fade, and vanish. +</P> + +<P> +Jane was watching him. The varied and characteristic ways in which her +friends lighted and smoked their cigarettes always interested Jane. +There were at least a dozen young men of whom she could have given the +names upon hearing a description of their method. Also, she had learned +from Deryck Brand the value of silences in an important conversation, +and the art of not weakening a statement by a postscript. +</P> + +<P> +At last Garth spoke. +</P> + +<P> +"I wonder why the smoke is that lovely pale blue as it curls up from +the cigarette, and a greyish-white if one blows it out." +</P> + +<P> +Jane knew it was because it had become impregnated with moisture, but +she did not say so, having no desire to contribute her quota of pats to +this air-ball, or to encourage the superficial workings of his mind +just then. She quietly awaited the response to her appeal to his deeper +nature which she felt certain would be forthcoming. Presently it came. +</P> + +<P> +"It is awfully good of you, Miss Champion, to take the trouble to think +all this and to say it to me. May I prove my gratitude by explaining +for once where my difficulty lies? I have scarcely defined it to +myself, and yet I believe I can express it to you." Another long +silence. Garth smoked and pondered. +</P> + +<P> +Jane waited. It was a very comprehending, very companionable silence. +Garth found himself parodying the last lines of an old +sixteenth-century song: +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "Then ever pray that heaven may send<BR> + Such weeds, such chairs, and such a friend."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +Either the cigarette, or the chair, or Jane, or perhaps all three +combined were producing in him a sublime sense of calm, and rest, and +well-being; an uplifting of spirit which made all good things seem +better; all difficult things, easy; and all ideals, possible. The +silence, like the sunset, was golden; but at last he broke it. +</P> + +<P> +"Two women—the only two women who have ever really been in my +life—form for me a standard below which I cannot fall,—one, my +mother, a sacred and ideal memory; the other, old Margery Graem, my +childhood's friend and nurse, now my housekeeper and general tender and +mender. Her faithful heart and constant remembrance help to keep me +true to the ideal of that sweet presence which faded from beside me +when I stood on the threshold of manhood. Margery lives at Castle +Gleneesh. When I return home, the sight which first meets my eyes as +the hall door opens is old Margery in her black satin apron, lawn +kerchief, and lavender ribbons. I always feel seven then, and I always +hug her. You, Miss Champion, don't like me when I feel seven; but +Margery does. Now, this is what I want you to realise. When I bring a +bride to Gleneesh and present her to Margery, the kind old eyes will +try to see nothing but good; the faithful old heart will yearn to love +and serve. And yet I shall know she knows the standard, just as I know +it; I shall know she remembers the ideal of gentle, tender, Christian +womanhood, just as I remember it; and I must not, I dare not, fall +short. Believe me, Miss Champion, more than once, when physical +attraction has been strong, and I have been tempted in the worship of +the outward loveliness to disregard or forget the essentials,—the +things which are unseen but eternal,—then, all unconscious of +exercising any such influence, old Margery's clear eyes look into mine, +old Margery's mittened hand seems to rest upon my coat sleeve, and the +voice which has guided me from infancy, says, in gentle astonishment: +`Is this your choice, Master Garthie, to fill my dear lady's place?' No +doubt, Miss Champion, it will seem almost absurd to you when you think +of our set and our sentiments, and the way we racket round that I +should sit here on the duchess's lawn and confess that I have been held +back from proposing marriage to the women I have most admired, because +of what would have been my old nurse's opinion of them! But you must +remember her opinion is formed by a memory, and that memory is the +memory of my dead mother. Moreover, Margery voices my best self, and +expresses my own judgment when it is not blinded by passion or warped +by my worship of the beautiful. Not that Margery would disapprove of +loveliness; in fact, she would approve of nothing else for me, I know +very well. But her penetration rapidly goes beneath the surface. +According to one of Paul's sublime paradoxes, she looks at the things +that are not seen. It seems queer that I can tell you all this, Miss +Champion, and really it is the first time I have actually formulated it +in my own mind. But I think it so extremely friendly of you to have +troubled to give me good advice in the matter." +</P> + +<P> +Garth Dalmain ceased speaking, and the silence which followed suddenly +assumed alarming proportions, seeming to Jane like a high fence which +she was vainly trying to scale. She found herself mentally rushing +hither and thither, seeking a gate or any possible means of egress. And +still she was confronted by the difficulty of replying adequately to +the totally unexpected. And what added to her dumbness was the fact +that she was infinitely touched by Garth's confession; and when Jane +was deeply moved speech always became difficult. That this young +man—adored by all the girls for his good looks and delightful manners; +pursued for his extreme eligibility by mothers and chaperons; famous +already in the world of art; flattered, courted, sought after in +society—should calmly admit that the only woman really left IN his +life was his old nurse, and that her opinion and expectations held him +back from a worldly, or unwise marriage, touched Jane deeply, even +while in her heart she smiled at what their set would say could they +realise the situation. It revealed Garth in a new light; and suddenly +Jane understood him, as she had not understood him before. +</P> + +<P> +And yet the only reply she could bring herself to frame was: "I wish I +knew old Margery." +</P> + +<P> +Garth's brown eyes flashed with pleasure. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, I wish you did," he said. "And I should like you to see Castle +Gleneesh. You would enjoy the view from the terrace, sheer into the +gorge, and away across the purple hills. And I think you would like the +pine woods and the moor. I say, Miss Champion, why should not <I>I</I> get +up a 'best party' in September, and implore the duchess to come and +chaperon it? And then you could come, and any one else you would like +asked. And—and, perhaps—we might ask—the beautiful 'Stars and +Stripes,' and her aunt, Mrs. Parker Bangs of Chicago; and then we +should see what Margery thought of her!" +</P> + +<P> +"Delightful!" said Jane. "I would come with pleasure. And really, Dal, +I think that girl has a sweet nature. Could you do better? The exterior +is perfect, and surely the soul is there. Yes, ask us all, and see what +happens." +</P> + +<P> +"I will," cried Garth, delighted. "And what will Margery think of Mrs. +Parker Bangs?" +</P> + +<P> +"Never mind," said Jane decidedly. "When you marry the niece, the aunt +goes back to Chicago." +</P> + +<P> +"And I wish her people were not millionaires." +</P> + +<P> +"That can't be helped," said Jane. "Americans are so charming, that we +really must not mind their money." +</P> + +<P> +"I wish Miss Lister and her aunt were here," remarked Garth. "But they +are to be at Lady Ingleby's, where I am due next Tuesday. Do you come +on there, Miss Champion?" +</P> + +<P> +"I do," replied Jane. "I go to the Brands for a few days on Tuesday, +but I have promised Myra to turn up at Shenstone for the week-end. I +like staying there. They are such a harmonious couple." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said Garth, "but no one could help being a harmonious couple, +who had married Lady Ingleby." +</P> + +<P> +"What grammar!" laughed Jane. "But I know what you mean, and I am glad +you think so highly of Myra. She is a dear! Only do make haste and +paint her and get her off your mind, so as to be free for Pauline +Lister." +</P> + +<P> +The sun-dial pointed to seven o'clock. The rooks had circled round the +elms and dropped contentedly into their nests. +</P> + +<P> +"Let us go in," said Jane, rising. "I am glad we have had this talk," +she added, as he walked beside her across the lawn. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said Garth. "Air-balls weren't in it! It was a football this +time—good solid leather. And we each kicked one goal,—a tie, you +know. For your advice went home to me, and I think my reply showed you +the true lie of things; eh, Miss Champion?" +</P> + +<P> +He was feeling seven again; but Jane saw him now through old Margery's +glasses, and it did not annoy her. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," she said, smiling at him with her kind, true eyes; "we will +consider it a tie, and surely it will prove a tie to our friendship. +Thank you, Dal, for all you have told me." +</P> + +<P> +Arrived in her room, Jane found she had half an hour to spare before +dressing. She took out her diary. Her conversation with Garth Dalmain +seemed worth recording, particularly his story of the preacher whose +beauty of soul redeemed the ugliness of his body. She wrote it down +verbatim. +</P> + +<P> +Then she rang for her maid, and dressed for dinner, and the concert +which should follow. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap06"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER VI +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE VEIL IS LIFTED +</H3> + +<P> +"MISS CHAMPION! Oh, here you are! Your turn next, please. The last item +of the local programme is in course of performance, after which the +duchess explains Velma's laryngitis—let us hope she will not call it +'appendicitis'—and then I usher you up. Are you ready?" +</P> + +<P> +Garth Dalmain, as master of ceremonies, had sought Jane Champion on the +terrace, and stood before her in the soft light of the hanging Chinese +lanterns. The crimson rambler in his button-hole, and his red silk +socks, which matched it, lent an artistic touch of colour to the +conventional black and white of his evening clothes. +</P> + +<P> +Jane looked up from the comfortable depths of her wicker chair; then +smiled at his anxious face. +</P> + +<P> +"I am ready," she said, and rising, walked beside him. "Has it gone +well?" she asked. "Is it a good audience?" +</P> + +<P> +"Packed," replied Garth, "and the duchess has enjoyed herself. It has +been funnier than usual. But now comes the event of the evening. I say, +where is your score?" +</P> + +<P> +"Thanks," said Jane. "I shall play it from memory. It obviates the +bother of turning over." +</P> + +<P> +They passed into the concert-room and stood behind screens and a +curtain, close to the half-dozen steps leading, from the side, up on to +the platform. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, hark to the duchess!" whispered Garth. "My NIECE, JANE CHAMPION, +HAS KINDLY CONSENTED TO STEP INTO THE BREACH—' Which means that you +will have to step up on to that platform in another half-minute. Really +it would be kinder to you if she said less about Velma. But never mind; +they are prepared to like anything. There! APPENDICITIS! I told you so. +Poor Madame Velma! Let us hope it won't get into the local papers. Oh, +goodness! She is going to enlarge on new-fangled diseases. Well, it +gives us a moment's breathing space.... I say, Miss Champion, I was +chaffing this afternoon about sharps and flats. I can play that +accompaniment for you if you like. No? Well, just as you think best. +But remember, it takes a lot of voice to make much effect in this +concert-room, and the place is crowded. Now—the duchess has done. Come +on. Mind the bottom step. Hang it all! How dark it is behind this +curtain!" +</P> + +<P> +Garth gave her his hand, and Jane mounted the steps and passed into +view of the large audience assembled in the Overdene concert-room. Her +tall figure seemed taller than usual as she walked alone across the +rather high platform. She wore a black evening gown of soft material, +with old lace at her bosom and one string of pearls round her neck. +When she appeared, the audience gazed at her and applauded doubtfully. +Velma's name on the programme had raised great expectations; and here +was Miss Champion, who certainly played very nicely, but was not +supposed to be able to sing, volunteering to sing Velma's song. A more +kindly audience would have cheered her to the echo, voicing its +generous appreciation of her effort, and sanguine expectation of her +success. This audience expressed its astonishment, in the dubiousness +of its faint applause. +</P> + +<P> +Jane smiled at them good-naturedly; sat down at the piano, a Bechstein +grand; glanced at the festoons of white roses and the cross of crimson +ramblers; then, without further preliminaries, struck the opening chord +and commenced to sing. +</P> + +<P> +The deep, perfect voice thrilled through the room. +</P> + +<P> +A sudden breathless hush fell upon the audience. +</P> + +<P> +Each syllable penetrated the silence, borne on a tone so tender and so +amazingly sweet, that casual hearts stood still and marvelled at their +own emotion; and those who felt deeply already, responded with a yet +deeper thrill to the magic of that music. +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "The hours I spent with thee, dear heart,<BR> + Are as a string of pearls to me;<BR> + I count them over, ev'ry one apart,<BR> + My rosary,—my rosary."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +Softly, thoughtfully, tenderly, the last two words were breathed into +the silence, holding a world of reminiscence—a large-hearted woman's +faithful remembrance of tender moments in the past. +</P> + +<P> +The listening crowd held its breath. This was not a song. This was the +throbbing of a heart; and it throbbed in tones of such sweetness, that +tears started unbidden. +</P> + +<P> +Then the voice, which had rendered the opening lines so quietly, rose +in a rapid crescendo of quivering pain. +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "Each hour a pearl, each pearl a prayer,<BR> + To still a heart in absence wrung;<BR> + I tell each bead unto the end, and there—<BR> + A cross is hung!"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +The last four words were given with a sudden power and passion which +electrified the assembly. In the pause which followed, could be heard +the tension of feeling produced. But in another moment the quiet voice +fell soothingly, expressing a strength of endurance which would fail in +no crisis, nor fear to face any depths of pain; yet gathering to itself +a poignancy of sweetness, rendered richer by the discipline of +suffering. +</P> + +<P><P CLASS="poem"> + "O memories that bless and burn!<BR> + O barren gain and bitter loss!<BR> + I kiss each bead, and strive at last to learn<BR> + To kiss the cross ... to kiss the cross."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +Only those who have heard Jane sing THE ROSARY can possibly realise how +she sang "I KISS EACH BEAD." The lingering retrospection in each word; +breathed out a love so womanly, so beautiful, so tender, that her +identity was forgotten—even by those in the audience who knew her +best—in the magic of her rendering of the song. +</P> + +<P> +The accompaniment, which opens with a single chord, closes with a +single note. +</P> + +<P> +Jane struck it softly, lingeringly; then rose, turned from the piano, +and was leaving the platform, when a sudden burst of wild applause +broke from the audience. Jane hesitated, paused, looked at her aunt's +guests as if almost surprised to find them there. Then the slow smile +dawned in her eyes and passed to her lips. She stood in the centre of +the platform for a moment, awkwardly, almost shyly; then moved on as +men's voices began to shout "Encore! 'core!" and left the platform by +the side staircase. +</P> + +<P> +But there, behind the scenes, in the semi-darkness of screens and +curtains, a fresh surprise awaited Jane, more startling than the +enthusiastic tumult of her audience. +</P> + +<P> +At the foot of the staircase stood Garth Dalmain. His face was +absolutely colourless, and his eyes shone out from it like burning +stars. He remained motionless until she stepped from the last stair and +stood close to him. Then with a sudden movement he caught her by the +shoulders and turned her round. +</P> + +<P> +"Go back!" he said, and the overmastering need quivering in his voice +drew Jane's eyes to his in mute astonishment. "Go back at once and sing +it all over again, note for note, word for word, just as before. Ah, +don't stand here waiting! Go back now! Go back at once! Don't you know +that you MUST?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane looked into those shining eyes. Something she saw in them excused +the brusque command of his tone. Without a word, she quietly mounted +the steps and walked across the platform to the piano. People were +still applauding, and redoubled their demonstrations of delight as she +appeared; but Jane took her seat at the instrument without giving them +a thought. +</P> + +<P> +She was experiencing a very curious and unusual sensation. Never before +in her whole life had she obeyed a peremptory command. In her +childhood's days, Fraulein and Miss Jebb soon found out that they could +only obtain their desires by means of carefully worded requests, or +pathetic appeals to her good feelings and sense of right. An +unreasonable order, or a reasonable one unexplained, promptly met with +a point-blank refusal. And this characteristic still obtained, though +modified by time; and even the duchess, as a rule, said "please" to +Jane. +</P> + +<P> +But now a young man with a white face and blazing eyes had +unceremoniously swung her round, ordered her up the stairs, and +commanded her to sing a song over again, note for note, word for word, +and she was meekly going to obey. +</P> + +<P> +As she took her seat, Jane suddenly made up her mind not to sing The +Rosary again. She had many finer songs in her repertoire. The audience +expected another. Why should she disappoint those expectations because +of the imperious demands of a very highly excited boy? +</P> + +<P> +She commenced the magnificent prelude to Handel's "Where'er you walk," +but, as she played it, her sense of truth and justice intervened. She +had not come back to sing again at the bidding of a highly excited boy, +but of a deeply moved man; and his emotion was of no ordinary kind. +That Garth Dalmain should have been so moved as to forget even +momentarily his punctilious courtesy of manner, was the highest +possible tribute to her art and to her song. While she played the +Handel theme—and played it so that a whole orchestra seemed marshalled +upon the key-board under those strong, firm finger—she suddenly +realised, though scarcely understanding it, the MUST of which Garth had +spoken, and made up her mind to yield to its necessity. So; when the +opening bars were ended, instead of singing the grand song from Semele +she paused for a moment; struck once more The Rosary's; opening chord; +and did as Garth had bidden her to do. +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "The hours I spent with thee, dear heart,<BR> + Are as a string of pearls to me;<BR> + I count them over, ev'ry one apart,<BR> + My rosary,—my rosary.<BR> + "Each hour a pearl, each pearl a prayer,<BR> + To still a heart in absence wrung;<BR> + I tell each bead unto the end, and there—<BR> + A cross is hung!<BR> + "O memories that bless and burn!<BR> + O barren gain and bitter loss!<BR> + I kiss each bead, and strive at last to learn<BR> + To kiss the cross ... to kiss the cross."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +When Jane left the platform, Garth was still standing motionless at the +foot of the stairs. His face was just as white as before, but his eyes +had lost that terrible look of unshed tears, which had sent her back, +at his bidding, without a word of question or remonstrance. A wonderful +light now shone in them; a light of adoration, which touched Jane's +heart because she had never before seen anything quite like it. She +smiled as she came slowly down the steps, and held out both hands to +him with an unconscious movement of gracious friendliness. Garth +stepped close to the bottom of the staircase and took them in his, +while she was still on the step above him. +</P> + +<P> +For a moment he did not speak. Then in a low voice, vibrant with +emotion: "My God!" he said, "Oh, my God!" +</P> + +<P> +"Hush," said Jane; "I never like to hear that name spoken lightly, Dal." +</P> + +<P> +"Spoken lightly!" he exclaimed. "No speaking lightly would be possible +for me to-night. 'Every perfect gift is from above.' When words fail me +to speak of the gift, can you wonder if I apostrophise the Giver?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane looked steadily into his shining eyes, and a smile of pleasure +illumined her own. "So you liked my song?" she said. +</P> + +<P> +"Liked—liked your song?" repeated Garth, a shade of perplexity +crossing his face. "I do not know whether I liked your song." +</P> + +<P> +"Then why this flattering demonstration?" inquired Jane, laughing. +</P> + +<P> +"Because," said Garth, very low, "you lifted the veil, and I—I passed +within." +</P> + +<P> +He was still holding her hands in his; and, as he spoke the last two +words, he turned them gently over and, bending, kissed each palm with +an indescribably tender reverence; then, loosing them, stood on one +side, and Jane went out on to the terrace alone. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap07"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER VII +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +GARTH FINDS HIS ROSARY +</H3> + +<P> +Jane spent but a very few minutes in the drawing-room that evening. The +fun in progress there was not to her taste, and the praises heaped upon +herself annoyed her. Also she wanted the quiet of her own room in order +to think over that closing episode of the concert, which had taken +place between herself and Garth, behind the scenes. She did not feel +certain how to take it. She was conscious that it held an element which +she could not fathom, and Garth's last act had awakened in herself +feelings which she did not understand. She extremely disliked the way +in which he had kissed her hands; and yet he had put into the action +such a passion of reverent worship that it gave her a sense of +consecration—of being, as it were, set apart to minister always to the +hearts of men in that perfect gift of melody which should uplift and +ennoble. She could not lose the sensation of the impress of his lips +upon the palms of her hands. It was as if he had left behind something +tangible and abiding. She caught herself looking at them anxiously once +or twice, and the third time this happened she determined to go to her +room. +</P> + +<P> +The duchess was at the piano, completely hidden from view by nearly the +whole of her house party, crowding round in fits of delighted laughter. +Ronnie had just broken through from the inmost circle to fetch an +antimacassar; and Billy, to dash to the writing-table for a sheet of +note-paper. Jane knew the note-paper meant a clerical dog collar, and +she concluded something had been worn which resembled an antimacassar. +</P> + +<P> +She turned rather wearily and moved towards the door. Quiet and +unobserved though her retreat had been, Garth was at the door before +her. She did not know how he got there; for, as she turned to leave the +room, she had seen his sleek head close to Myra Ingleby's on the +further side of the duchess's crowd. He opened the door and Jane passed +out. She felt equally desirous of saying two things to him,—either: +"How dared you behave in so unconventional a way?" or: "Tell me just +what you want me to do, and I will do it." +</P> + +<P> +She said neither. +</P> + +<P> +Garth followed her into the hall, lighted a candle, and threw the match +at Tommy; then handed her the silver candlestick. He was looking +absurdly happy. Jane felt annoyed with him for parading this gladness, +which she had unwittingly caused and in which she had no share. Also +she felt she must break this intimate silence. It was saying so much +which ought not to be said, since it could not be spoken. She took her +candle rather aggressively and turned upon the second step. +</P> + +<P> +"Good-night, Dal," she said. "And do you know that you are missing the +curate?" +</P> + +<P> +He looked up at her. His eyes shone in the light of her candle. +</P> + +<P> +"No," he said. "I am neither missing nor missed. I was only waiting in +there until you went up. I shall not go back. I am going out into the +park now to breathe in the refreshing coolness of the night breeze. And +I am going to stand under the oaks and tell my beads. I did not know I +had a rosary, until to-night, but I have—I have!" +</P> + +<P> +"I should say you have a dozen," remarked Jane, dryly. +</P> + +<P> +"Then you would be wrong," replied Garth. "I have just one. But it has +many hours. I shall be able to call them all to mind when I get out +there alone. I am going to 'count each pearl.'" +</P> + +<P> +"How about the cross?" asked Jane. +</P> + +<P> +"I have not reached that yet," answered Garth. "There is no cross to my +rosary." +</P> + +<P> +"I fear there is a cross to every true rosary, Dal," said Jane gently, +"and I also fear it will go hard with you when you find yours." +</P> + +<P> +But Garth was confident and unafraid. +</P> + +<P> +"When I find mine," he said, "I hope I shall be able to"— +Involuntarily Jane looked at her hands. He saw the look and smiled, +though he had the grace to colour beneath his tan,—"to FACE the +cross," he said. +</P> + +<P> +Jane turned and began to mount the stairs; but Garth arrested her with +an eager question. +</P> + +<P> +"Just one moment, Miss Champion! There is something I want to ask you. +May I? Will you think me impertinent, presuming, inquisitive?" +</P> + +<P> +"I have no doubt I shall," said Jane. "But I am thinking you all sorts +of unusual things to-night; so three adjectives more or less will not +matter much. You may ask." +</P> + +<P> +"Miss Champion, have YOU a rosary?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane looked at him blankly; then suddenly understood the drift of his +question. +</P> + +<P> +"My dear boy, NO!" she said. "Thank goodness, I have kept clear of +'memories that bless and burn.' None of these things enter into my +rational and well-ordered life, and I have no wish that they should." +</P> + +<P> +"Then," deliberated Garth, "how came you to sing THE ROSARY as if each +line were your own experience; each joy or pain a thing—long passed, +perhaps—but your own?" +</P> + +<P> +"Because," explained Jane, "I always live in a song when I sing it. Did +I not tell you the lesson I learned over the CHANT HINDOU? Therefore I +had a rosary undoubtedly when I was singing that song to-night. But, +apart from that, in the sense you mean, no, thank goodness, I have +none." +</P> + +<P> +Garth mounted two steps, bringing his eyes on a level with the +candlestick. +</P> + +<P> +"But IF you cared," he said, speaking very low, "that is how you would +care? that is as you would feel?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane considered. "Yes," she said, "IF I cared, I suppose I should care +just so, and feel as I felt during those few minutes." +</P> + +<P> +"Then it was YOU in the song, although the circumstances are not yours?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, I suppose so," Jane replied, "if we can consider ourselves apart +from our circumstances. But surely this is rather an unprofitable +'air-ball.' Goodnight, 'Master Garthie!'" +</P> + +<P> +"I say, Miss Champion! Just one thing more. Will you sing for me +to-morrow? Will you come to the music-room and sing all the lovely +things I want to hear? And will you let me play a few of your +accompaniments? Ah, promise you will come. And promise to sing whatever +I ask, and I won't bother you any more now." +</P> + +<P> +He stood looking up at her, waiting for her promise, with such +adoration shining in his eyes that Jane was startled and more than a +little troubled. Then suddenly it seemed to her that she had found the +key, and she hastened to explain it to herself and to him. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, you dear boy!" she said. "What an artist you are! And how +difficult it is for us commonplace, matter-of-fact people to understand +the artistic temperament. Here you go, almost turning my steady old +head by your rapture over what seemed to you perfection of sound which +has reached you through the ear; just as, again and again, you worship +at the shrine of perfection of form, which reaches you through the eye. +I begin to understand how it is you turn the heads of women when you +paint them. However, you are very delightful in your delight, and I +want to go up to bed. So I promise to sing all you want and as much as +you wish to-morrow. Now keep your promise and don't bother me any more +to-night. Don't spend the whole night in the park, and try not to +frighten the deer. No, I do not need any assistance with my candle, and +I am quite used to going upstairs by myself, thank you. Can't you hear +what personal and appropriate remarks Tommy is making down there? Now +do run away, Master Garthie, and count your pearls. And if you suddenly +come upon a cross—remember, the cross can, in all probability, be +persuaded to return to Chicago!" +</P> + +<P> +Jane was still smiling as she entered her room and placed her +candlestick on the dressing-table. +</P> + +<P> +Overdene was lighted solely by lamps and candles. The duchess refused +to modernise it by the installation of electric light. But candles +abounded, and Jane, who liked a brilliant illumination, proceeded to +light both candles in the branches on either side of the dressing-table +mirror, and in the sconces on the wall beside the mantelpiece, and in +the tall silver candlesticks upon the writing-table. Then she seated +herself in a comfortable arm-chair, reached for her writing-case, took +out her diary and a fountain pen, and prepared to finish the day's +entry. She wrote, "SANG 'THE ROSARY' AT AUNT 'GINA'S CONCERT IN PLACE +OF VELMA, FAILED (LARYNGITIS)," and came to a full stop. +</P> + +<P> +Somehow the scene with Garth was difficult to record, and the +sensations which still remained therefrom, absolutely unwritable. Jane +sat and pondered the situation, content to allow the page to remain +blank. +</P> + +<P> +Before she rose, locked her book, and prepared for rest, she had, to +her own satisfaction, clearly explained the whole thing. Garth's +artistic temperament was the basis of the argument; and, alas, the +artistic temperament is not a very firm foundation, either for a +theory, or for the fabric of a destiny. However, FAUTE DE MIEUX, Jane +had to accept it as main factor in her mental adjustment, thus: This +vibrant emotion in Garth, so strangely disturbing to her own solid +calm, was in no sense personal to herself, excepting in so far as her +voice and musical gifts were concerned. Just as the sight of paintable +beauty crazed him with delight, making him wild with alternate hope and +despair until he obtained his wish and had his canvas and his sitter +arranged to his liking; so now, his passion for the beautiful had been +awakened, this time through the medium, not of sight, but of sound. +When she had given him his fill of song, and allowed him to play some +of her accompaniments, he would be content, and that disquieting look +of adoration would pass from those beautiful brown eyes. Meanwhile it +was pleasant to look forward to to-morrow, though it behooved her to +remember that all this admiration had in it nothing personal to +herself. He would have gone into even greater raptures over Madame +Blanche, for instance, who had the same timbre of voice and method of +singing, combined with a beauty of person which delighted the eye the +while her voice enchanted the ear. Certainly Garth must see and hear +her, as music appeared to mean so much to him. Jane began planning +this, and then her mind turned to Pauline Lister, the lovely American +girl, whose name had been coupled with Garth Dalmain's all the season. +Jane felt certain she was just the wife he needed. Her loveliness would +content him, her shrewd common-sense and straightforward, practical +ways would counterbalance his somewhat erratic temperament, and her +adaptability would enable her to suit herself to his surroundings, both +in his northern home and amongst his large circle of friends down +south. Once married, he would give up raving about Flower and Myra, and +kissing people's hands in that—"absurd way," Jane was going to say, +but she was invariably truthful, even in her thoughts, and substituted +"extraordinary" as the more correct adjective—in that extraordinary +way. +</P> + +<P> +She sat forward in her chair with her elbows on her knees, and held her +large hands before her, palms upward, realising again the sensations of +that moment. Then she pulled herself up sharply. "Jane Champion, don't +be a fool! You would wrong that dear, beauty-loving boy, more than you +would wrong yourself, if you took him for one moment seriously. His +homage to-night was no more personal to you than his appreciation of +the excellent dinner was personal to Aunt Georgina's chef. In his +enjoyment of the production, the producer was included; but that was +all. Be gratified at the success of your art, and do not spoil that +success by any absurd sentimentality. Now wash your very ungainly hands +and go to bed." Thus Jane to herself. +</P> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<P> +And under the oaks, with soft turf beneath his feet, stood Garth +Dalmain, the shy deer sleeping around unconscious of his presence; the +planets above, hanging like lamps in the deep purple of the sky. And +he, also, soliloquised. +</P> + +<P> +"I have found her," he said, in low tones of rapture, "the ideal woman, +the crown of womanhood, the perfect mate for the spirit, soul, and body +of the man who can win her.—Jane! Jane! Ah, how blind I have been! To +have known her for years, and yet not realised her to be this. But she +lifted the veil, and I passed in. Ah grand, noble heart! She will never +be able to draw the veil again between her soul and mine. And she has +no rosary. I thank God for that. No other man possesses, or has ever +possessed, that which I desire more than I ever desired anything upon +this earth, Jane's love, Jane's tenderness. Ah, what will it mean? 'I +count each pearl.' She WILL count them some day—her pearls and mine. +God spare us the cross. Must there be a cross to every true rosary? +Then God give me the heavy end, and may the mutual bearing of it bind +us together. Ah, those dear hands! Ah, those true steadfast eyes! ... +Jane!—Jane! Surely it has always been Jane, though I did not know it, +blind fool that I have been! But one thing I know: whereas I was blind, +now I see. And it will always be Jane from this night onward through +time and-please God—into eternity." +</P> + +<P> +The night breeze stirred his thick dark hair, and his eyes, as he +raised them, shone in the starlight. +</P> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<P> +And Jane, almost asleep, was roused by the tapping of her blind against +the casement, and murmured "Anything you wish, Garth, just tell me, and +I will do it." Then awakening suddenly to the consciousness of what she +had said, she sat up in the darkness and scolded herself furiously. +"Oh, you middle-aged donkey! You call yourself staid and sensible, and +a little flattery from a boy of whom you are fond turns your head +completely. Come to your senses at once; or leave Overdene by the first +train in the morning." +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap08"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER VIII +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +ADDED PEARLS +</H3> + +<P> +The days which followed were golden days to Jane. There was nothing to +spoil the enjoyment of a very new and strangely sweet experience. +</P> + +<P> +Garth's manner the next morning held none of the excitement or outward +demonstration which had perplexed and troubled her the evening before. +He was very quiet, and seemed to Jane older than she had ever known +him. He had very few lapses into his seven-year-old mood, even with the +duchess; and when someone chaffingly asked him whether he was +practising the correct deportment of a soon-to-be-married man, +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said Garth quietly, "I am." +</P> + +<P> +"Will she be at Shenstone?" inquired Ronald; for several of the +duchess's party were due at Lady Ingleby's for the following week-end. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said Garth, "she will." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, lor'!" cried Billy, dramatically. "Prithee, Benedict, are we to +take this seriously?" +</P> + +<P> +But Jane who, wrapped in the morning paper, sat near where Garth was +standing, came out from behind it to look up at him and say, so that +only he heard it "Oh, Dal, I am so glad! Did you make up your mind last +night?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said Garth, turning so that he spoke to her alone, "last night." +</P> + +<P> +"Did our talk in the afternoon have something to do with it?" +</P> + +<P> +"No, nothing whatever." +</P> + +<P> +"Was it THE ROSARY?" +</P> + +<P> +He hesitated; then said, without looking at her: "The revelation of THE +ROSARY? Yes." +</P> + +<P> +To Jane his mood of excitement was now fully explained, and she could +give herself up freely to the enjoyment of this new phase in their +friendship, for the hours of music together were a very real delight. +Garth was more of a musician than she had known, and she enjoyed his +clean, masculine touch on the piano, unblurred by slur or pedal; more +delicate than her own, where delicacy was required. What her voice was +to him during those wonderful hours he did not express in words, for +after that first evening he put a firm restraint upon his speech. Under +the oaks he had made up his mind to wait a week before speaking, and he +waited. +</P> + +<P> +But the new and strangely sweet experience to Jane was that of being +absolutely first to some one. In ways known only to himself and to her +Garth made her feel this. There was nothing for any one else to notice, +and yet she knew perfectly well that she never came into the room +without his being instantly conscious that she was there; that she +never left a room, without being at once missed by him. His attentions +were so unobtrusive and tactful that no one else realised them. They +called forth no chaff from friends and no "Hoity-toity! What now?" from +the duchess. And yet his devotion seemed always surrounding her. For +the first time in her life Jane was made to feel herself FIRST in the +whole thought of another. It made him seem strangely her own. She took +a pleasure and pride in all he said, and did, and was; and in the hours +they spent together in the music-room she learned to know him and to +understand that enthusiastic beauty-loving, irresponsible nature, as +she had never understood it before. +</P> + +<P> +The days were golden, and the parting at night was sweet, because it +gave an added zest to the pleasure of meeting in the morning. And yet +during these golden days the thought of love, in the ordinary sense of +the word, never entered Jane's mind. Her ignorance in this matter +arose, not so much from inexperience, as from too large an experience +of the travesty of the real thing; an experience which hindered her +from recognising love itself, now that love in its most ideal form was +drawing near. +</P> + +<P> +Jane had not come through a dozen seasons without receiving nearly a +dozen proposals of marriage. An heiress, independent of parents and +guardians, of good blood and lineage, a few proposals of a certain type +were inevitable. Middle-aged men—becoming bald and grey; tired of +racketing about town; with beautiful old country places and an +unfortunate lack of the wherewithal to keep them up—proposed to the +Honourable Jane Champion in a business-like way, and the Honourable +Jane looked them up and down, and through and through, until they felt +very cheap, and then quietly refused them, in an equally business-like +way. +</P> + +<P> +Two or three nice boys, whom she had pulled out of scrapes and set on +their feet again after hopeless croppers, had thought, in a wave of +maudlin gratitude, how good it would be for a fellow always to have her +at hand to keep him straight and tell him what he ought to do, don't +you know? and—er—well, yes—pay his debts, and be a sort of +mother-who-doesn't scold kind of person to him; and had caught hold of +her kind hand, and implored her to marry them. Jane had slapped them if +they ventured to touch her, and recommended them not to be silly. +</P> + +<P> +One solemn proposal she had had quite lately from the bachelor rector +of a parish adjoining Overdene. He had often inflicted wearisome +conversations upon her; and when he called, intending to put the +momentous question, Jane, who was sitting at her writing-table in the +Overdene drawing-room, did not see any occasion to move from it. If the +rector became too prosy, she could surreptitiously finish a few notes. +He sank into a deep arm-chair close to the writing-table, crossed his +somewhat bandy legs one over the other, made the tips of his fingers +meet with unctuous accuracy, and intoned the opening sentences of his +proposition. Jane, sharpening pencils and sorting nibs, apparently only +caught the drift of what he was saying, for when he had chanted the +phrase, "Not alone from selfish motives, my dear Miss Champion; but for +the good of my parish; for the welfare of my flock, for the advancement +of the work of the church in our midst," Jane opened a despatch-box and +drew out her cheque-book. +</P> + +<P> +"I shall be delighted to subscribe, Mr. Bilberry," she said. "Is it for +a font, a pulpit, new hymn-books, or what?" +</P> + +<P> +"My dear lady," said the rector tremulously, "you misunderstand me. My +desire is to lead you to the altar." +</P> + +<P> +"Dear Mr. Bilberry," said Jane Champion, "that would be quite +unnecessary. From any part of your church the fact that you need a new +altar-cloth is absolutely patent to all comers. I will, with the +greatest pleasure, give you a cheque for ten pounds towards it. I have +attended your church rather often lately because I enjoy a long, quiet +walk by myself through the woods. And now I am sure you would like to +see my aunt before you go. She is in the aviary, feeding her foreign +birds. If you go out by that window and pass along the terrace to your +left, you will find the aviary and the duchess. I would suggest the +advisability of not mentioning this conversation to my aunt. She does +not approve of elaborate altar-cloths, and would scold us both, and +insist on the money being spent in providing boots for the school +children. No, please do not thank me. I am really glad of an +opportunity of helping on your excellent work in this neighbourhood." +</P> + +<P> +Jane wondered once or twice whether the cheque would be cashed. She +would have liked to receive it back by post, torn in half; with a few +wrathful lines of manly indignation. But when it returned to her in due +course from her bankers, it was indorsed P. BILBERRY, in a neat +scholarly hand, without even a dash of indignation beneath it; and she +threw it into the waste-paper basket, with rather a bitter smile. +</P> + +<P> +These were Jane's experiences of offers of marriage. She had never been +loved for her own sake; she had never felt herself really first in the +heart and life of another. And now, when the adoring love of a man's +whole being was tenderly, cautiously beginning to surround and envelop +her, she did not recognise the reason of her happiness or of his +devotion. She considered him the avowed lover of another woman, with +whose youth and loveliness she would not have dreamed of competing; and +she regarded this closeness of intimacy between herself and Garth as a +development of a friendship more beautiful than she had hitherto +considered possible. +</P> + +<P> +Thus matters stood when Tuesday arrived and the Overdene party broke +up. Jane went to town to spend a couple of days with the Brands. Garth +went straight to Shenstone, where he had been asked expressly to meet +Miss Lister and her aunt, Mrs. Parker Bangs. Jane was due at Shenstone +on Friday for the week-end. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap09"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER IX +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +LADY INGLEBY'S HOUSE PARTY +</H3> + +<P> +As Jane took her seat and the train moved out of the London terminus +she leaned back in her corner with a sigh of satisfaction. Somehow +these days in town had seemed insufferably long. Jane reviewed them +thoughtfully, and sought the reason. They had been filled with +interests and engagements; and the very fact of being in town, as a +rule, contented her. Why had she felt so restless and dissatisfied and +lonely? +</P> + +<P> +From force of habit she had just stopped at the railway book-stall for +her usual pile of literature. Her friends always said Jane could not go +even the shortest journey without at least half a dozen papers. But now +they lay unheeded on the seat in front of her. Jane was considering her +Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, and wondering why they had merely +been weary stepping-stones to Friday. And here was Friday at last, and +once in the train en route for Shenstone, she began to feel happy and +exhilarated. What had been the matter with these three days? Flower had +been charming; Deryck, his own friendly, interesting self; little +Dicky, delightful; and Baby Blossom, as sweet as only Baby Blossom +could be. What was amiss? +</P> + +<P> +"I know," said Jane. "Of course! Why did I not realise it before? I had +too much music during those last days at Overdene; and SUCH music! I +have been suffering from a surfeit of music, and the miss of it has +given me this blank feeling of loneliness. No doubt we shall have +plenty at Myra's, and Dal will be there to clamour for it if Myra fails +to suggest it." +</P> + +<P> +With a happy little smile of pleasurable anticipation, Jane took up the +SPECTATOR, and was soon absorbed in an article on the South African +problem. +</P> + +<P> +Myra met her at the station, driving ponies tandem. A light cart was +also there for the maid and baggage; and, without losing a moment, Jane +and her hostess were off along the country lane at a brisk trot. +</P> + +<P> +The fields and woods were an exquisite restful green in the afternoon +sunshine. Wild roses clustered in the hedges. The last loads of hay +were being carted in. There was an ecstasy in the songs of the birds +and a transporting sense of sweetness about all the sights and scents +of the country, such as Jane had never experienced so vividly before. +She drew a deep breath and exclaimed, almost involuntarily: "Ah! it is +good to be here!" +</P> + +<P> +"You dear!" said Lady Ingleby, twirling her whip and nodding in +gracious response to respectful salutes from the hay-field. "It is a +comfort to have you! I always feel you are like the bass of a +tune—something so solid and satisfactory and beneath one in case of a +crisis. I hate crises. They are so tiring. As I say: Why can't things +always go on as they are? They are as they were, and they were as they +will be, if only people wouldn't bother. However, I am certain nothing +could go far wrong when YOU are anywhere near." +</P> + +<P> +Myra flicked the leader, who was inclined to "sugar," and they flew +along between the high hedges, brushing lightly against overhanging +masses of honeysuckle and wild clematis. Jane snatched a spray of the +clematis, in passing. "'Traveller's joy,'" she said, with that same +quiet smile of glad anticipation, and put the white blossom in her +buttonhole. +</P> + +<P> +"Well," continued Lady Ingleby, "my house party is going on quite +satisfactorily. Oh, and, Jane, there seems no doubt about Dal. How +pleased I shall be if it comes off under my wing! The American girl is +simply exquisite, and so vivacious and charming. And Dal has quite +given up being silly—not that <I>I</I> ever thought him silly, but I know +YOU did—and is very quiet and pensive; really were it any one but he, +one would almost say 'dull.' And they roam about together in the most +approved fashion. I try to get the aunt to make all her remarks to me. +I am so afraid of her putting Dal off. He is so fastidious. I have +promised Billy anything, up to the half of my kingdom, if he will sit +at the feet of Mrs. Parker Bangs and listen to her wisdom, answer her +questions, and keep her away from Dal. Billy is being so abjectly +devoted in his attentions to Mrs. Parker Bangs that I begin to have +fears lest he intends asking me to kiss him; in which case I shall hand +him over to you to chastise. You manage these boys so splendidly. I +fully believe Dal will propose to Pauline Lister tonight. I can't +imagine why he didn't last night. There was a most perfect moon, and +they went on the lake. What more COULD Dal want?—a lake, and a moon, +and that lovely girl! Billy took Mrs. Parker Bangs in a double canoe +and nearly upset her through laughing so much at the things she said +about having to sit flat on the bottom. But he paddled her off to the +opposite side of the lake from Dal and her niece, which was all we +wanted. Mrs. Parker Bangs asked me afterwards whether Billy is a +widower. Now what do you suppose she meant by that?" +</P> + +<P> +"I haven't the faintest idea," said Jane. "But I am delighted to hear +about Dal and Miss Lister. She is just the girl for him, and she will +soon adapt herself to his ways and needs. Besides, Dal MUST have +flawless loveliness, and really he gets it there." +</P> + +<P> +"He does indeed," said Myra. "You should have seen her last night, in +white satin, with wild roses in her hair. I cannot imagine why Dal did +not rave. But perhaps it is a good sign that he should take things more +quietly. I suppose he is making up his mind." +</P> + +<P> +"No," said Jane. "I believe he did that at Overdene. But it means a lot +to him. He takes marriage very seriously. Whom have you at Shenstone?" +</P> + +<P> +Lady Ingleby told off a list of names. Jane knew them all. +</P> + +<P> +"Delightful!" she said. "Oh! how glad I am to be here! London has been +so hot and so dull. I never thought it hot or dull before. I feel a +renegade. Ah! there is the lovely little church! I want to hear the new +organ. I was glad your nice parson remembered me and let me have a +share in it. Has it two manuals or three?" +</P> + +<P> +"Half a dozen I think," said Lady Ingleby, "and you work them up and +down with your feet. But I judged it wiser to leave them alone when I +played for the children's service one Sunday. You never know quite what +will happen if you touch those mechanical affairs." +</P> + +<P> +"Don't you mean the composition pedals?" suggested Jane. +</P> + +<P> +"I dare say I do," said Myra placidly. "Those things underneath, like +foot-rests, which startle you horribly if you accidentally kick them." +</P> + +<P> +Jane smiled at the thought of how Garth would throw back his head and +shout, if she told him of this conversation. Lady Ingleby's musical +remarks always amused her friends. +</P> + +<P> +They passed the village church on the green, ivy-clad, picturesque, +and, half a minute later, swerved in at the park gates. Myra saw Jane +glance at the gate-post they had just shaved, and laughed. "A miss is +as good as a mile," she said, as they dashed up the long drive between +the elms, "as I told dear mamma, when she expostulated wrathfully with +me for what she called my 'furious driving' the other day. By the way, +Jane, dear mamma has been quite CORDIAL lately. By the time I am +seventy and she is ninety-eight I think she will begin to be almost +fond of me. Here we are. Do notice Lawson. He is new, and such a nice +man. He sings so well, and plays the concertina a little, and teaches +in the Sunday-school, and speaks really quite excellently at temperance +meetings. He is extremely fond of mowing the lawns, and my maid tells +me he is studying French with her. The only thing he seems really +incapable of being, is an efficient butler; which is so unfortunate, as +I like him far too well ever to part with him. Michael says I have a +perfectly fatal habit of LIKING PEOPLE, and of encouraging them to do +the things they do well and enjoy doing, instead of the things they +were engaged to do. I suppose I have; but I do like my household to be +happy." +</P> + +<P> +They alighted, and Myra trailed into the hall with a lazy grace which +gave no indication of the masterly way she had handled her ponies, but +rather suggested stepping from a comfortable seat in a barouche. Jane +looked with interest at the man-servant who came forward and deftly +assisted them. He had not quite the air of a butler but neither could +she imagine him playing a concertina or haranguing a temperance meeting +and he acquitted himself quite creditably. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, that was not Lawson," explained Myra, as she led the way upstairs. +"I had forgotten. He had to go to the vicarage this afternoon to see +the vicar about a 'service of song' they are getting up. That was Tom, +but we call him 'Jephson' in the house. He was one of Michael's stud +grooms, but he is engaged to one of the housemaids, and I found he so +very much preferred being in the house, so I have arranged for him to +understudy Lawson, and he is growing side whiskers. I shall have to +break it to Michael on his return from Norway. This way, Jane. We have +put you in the Magnolia room. I knew you would enjoy the view of the +lake. Oh, I forgot to tell you, a tennis tournament is in progress. I +must hasten to the courts. Tea will be going on there, under the +chestnuts. Dal and Ronnie are to play the final for the men's singles. +It ought to be a fine match. It was to come on at about half-past four. +Don't wait to do any changings. Your maid and your luggage can't be +here just yet." +</P> + +<P> +"Thanks," said Jane; "I always travel in country clothes, and have done +so to-day, as you see. I will just get rid of the railway dust, and +follow you." +</P> + +<P> +Ten minutes later, guided by sounds of cheering and laughter, Jane made +her way through the shrubbery to the tennis lawns. The whole of Lady +Ingleby's house party was assembled there, forming a picturesque group +under the white and scarlet chestnut-trees. Beyond, on the beautifully +kept turf of the court, an exciting set was in progress. As she +approached, Jane could distinguish Garth's slim, agile figure, in white +flannels and the violet shirt; and young Ronnie, huge and powerful, +trusting to the terrific force of his cuts and drives to counterbalance +Garth's keener eye and swifter turn of wrist. +</P> + +<P> +It was a fine game. Garth had won the first set by six to four, and now +the score stood at five to four in Ronnie's favour; but this game was +Garth's service, and he was almost certain to win it. The score would +then be "games all." +</P> + +<P> +Jane walked along the line of garden chairs to where she saw a vacant +one near Myra. She was greeted with delight, but hurriedly, by the +eager watchers of the game. +</P> + +<P> +Suddenly a howl went up. Garth had made two faults. +</P> + +<P> +Jane found her chair, and turned her attention to the game. Almost +instantly shrieks of astonishment and surprise again arose. Garth had +served INTO the net and OVER the line. Game and set were Ronnie's. +</P> + +<P> +"One all," remarked Billy. "Well! I never saw Dal do THAT before. +However; it gives us the bliss of watching another set. They are +splendidly matched. Dal is lightning, and Ronnie thunder." +</P> + +<P> +The players crossed over, Garth rather white beneath his tan. He was +beyond words vexed with himself for failing in his service, at that +critical juncture. Not that he minded losing the set; but it seemed to +him it must be patent to the whole crowd, that it was the sight, out of +the tail of his eye, of a tall grey figure moving quietly along the +line of chairs, which for a moment or two set earth and sky whirling, +and made a confused blur of net and lines. As a matter of fact, only +one of the onlookers connected Garth's loss of the game with Jane's +arrival, and she was the lovely girl, seated exactly opposite the net, +with whom he exchanged a smile and a word as he crossed to the other +side of the court. +</P> + +<P> +The last set proved the most exciting of the three. Nine hard-fought +games, five to Garth, four to Ronnie. And now Ronnie was serving, and +fighting hard to make it games-all. Over and over enthusiastic +partisans of both shouted "Deuce!" and then when Garth had won the +"vantage," a slashing over-hand service from Ronnie beat him, and it +was "deuce" again. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't it make one giddy?" said Mrs. Parker Bangs to Billy, who +reclined on the sward at her feet. "I should say it has gone on long +enough. And they must both be wanting their tea. It would have been +kind in Mr. Dalmain to have let that ball pass, anyway." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, wouldn't it?" said Billy earnestly. "But you see, Dal is not +naturally kind. Now, if I had been playing against Ronnie, I should +have let those over-hand balls of his pass long ago." +</P> + +<P> +"I am sure you would," said Mrs. Parker Bangs, approvingly; while Jane +leaned over, at Myra's request, and pinched Billy. +</P> + +<P> +Slash went Ronnie's racket. "Deuce! deuce!" shouted half a dozen voices. +</P> + +<P> +"They shouldn't say that," remarked Mrs. Parker Bangs, "even if they +are mad about it." +</P> + +<P> +Billy hugged his knees, delightedly; looking up at her with an +expression of seraphic innocence. +</P> + +<P> +"No. Isn't it sad?" he murmured. "I never say naughty words when I +play. I always say 'Game love.' It sounds so much nicer, I think." +</P> + +<P> +Jane pinched again, but Billy's rapt gaze at Mrs. Parker Bangs +continued. +</P> + +<P> +"Billy," said Myra sternly, "go into the hall and fetch my scarlet +sunshade. Yes, I dare say you WILL miss the finish," she added in a +stern whisper, as he leaned over her chair, remonstrating; "but you +richly deserve it." +</P> + +<P> +"I have made up my mind what to ask, dear queen," whispered Billy as he +returned, breathless, three minutes later and laid the parasol in Lady +Ingleby's lap. "You promised me anything, up to the half of your +kingdom. I will have the head of Mrs. Parker Bangs in a charger." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, shut up, Billy!" exclaimed Jane, "and get out of the light! We +missed that last stroke. What is the score?" +</P> + +<P> +Once again it was Garth's vantage, and once again Ronnie's arm swung +high for an untakable smasher. +</P> + +<P> +"Play up, Dal!" cried a voice, amid the general hubbub. +</P> + +<P> +Garth knew that dear voice. He did not look in its direction, but he +smiled. The next moment his arm shot out like a flash of lightning. The +ball touched ground on Ronnie's side of the net and shot the length of +the court without rising. Ronnie's wild scoop at it was hopeless. Game +and set were Garth's. +</P> + +<P> +They walked off the ground together, their rackets under their arms, +the flush of a well-contested fight on their handsome faces. It had +been so near a thing that both could sense the thrill of victory. +</P> + +<P> +Pauline Lister had been sitting with Garth's coat on her lap, and his +watch and chain were in her keeping. He paused a moment to take them up +and receive her congratulations; then, slipping on his coat, and +pocketing his watch, came straight to Jane. +</P> + +<P> +"How do you do, Miss Champion?" +</P> + +<P> +His eyes sought hers eagerly; and the welcoming gladness he saw in them +filled him with certainty and content. He had missed her so unutterably +during these days. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday had just been weary +stepping-stones to Friday. It seemed incredible that one person's +absence could make so vast a difference. And yet how perfect that it +should be so; and that they should both realise it, now the day had +come when he intended to tell her how desperately he wanted her always. +Yes, that they should BOTH realise it—for he felt certain Jane had +also experienced the blank. A thing so complete and overwhelming as the +miss of her had been to him could not be one-sided. And how well worth +the experience of these lonely days if they had thereby learned +something of what TOGETHER meant, now the words were to be spoken which +should insure forever no more such partings. +</P> + +<P> +All this sped through Garth's mind as he greeted Jane with that most +commonplace of English greetings, the everlasting question which never +receives an answer. But from Garth, at that moment, it did not sound +commonplace to Jane, and she answered it quite frankly and fully. She +wanted above all things to tell him exactly how she did; to hear all +about himself, and compare notes on the happenings of these three +interminable days; and to take up their close comradeship again, +exactly where it had left off. Her hand went home to his with that firm +completeness of clasp, which always made a hand shake with Jane such a +satisfactory and really friendly thing. +</P> + +<P> +"Very fit, thank you, Dal," she answered. "At least I am every moment +improving in health and spirits, now I have arrived here at last." +</P> + +<P> +Garth stood his racket against the arm of her chair and deposited +himself full length on the grass beside her, leaning on his elbow. +</P> + +<P> +"Was anything wrong with London?" he asked, rather low, not looking up +at her, but at the smart brown shoe, planted firmly on the grass so +near his hand. "Nothing was wrong with London," replied Jane frankly; +"it was hot and dusty of course, but delightful as usual. Something was +wrong with ME; and you will be ashamed of me, Dal, if I confess what it +was." +</P> + +<P> +Garth did not look up, but assiduously picked little blades of grass +and laid them in a pattern on Jane's shoe. This conversation would have +been exactly to the point had they been alone. But was Jane really +going to announce to the assembled company, in that dear, resonant, +carrying voice of hers, the sweet secret of their miss of one another? +</P> + +<P> +"Liver?" inquired Mrs. Parker Bangs suddenly. +</P> + +<P> +"Muffins!" exclaimed Billy instantly, and, rushing for them, almost +shot them into her lap in the haste with which he handed them, +stumbling headlong over Garth's legs at the same moment. +</P> + +<P> +Jane stared at Mrs. Parker Bangs and her muffins; then looked down at +the top of Garth's dark head, bent low over the grass. +</P> + +<P> +"I was dull," she said, "intolerably dull. And Dal always says 'only a +dullard is dull.' But I diagnosed my dulness in the train just now and +found it was largely his fault. Do you hear, Dal?" +</P> + +<P> +Garth lifted his head and looked at her, realising in that moment that +it was, after all, possible for a complete and overwhelming experience +to be one-sided. Jane's calm grey eyes were full of gay friendliness. +</P> + +<P> +"It was your fault, my dear boy," said Jane. +</P> + +<P> +"How so?" queried Garth; and though there was a deep flush on his +sunburned face, his voice was quietly interrogative. +</P> + +<P> +"Because, during those last days at Overdene, you led me on into a time +of musical dissipation such as I had never known before, and I missed +it to a degree which was positively alarming. I began to fear for the +balance of my well-ordered mind." +</P> + +<P> +"Well," said Myra, coming out from behind her red parasol, "you and Dal +can have orgies of music here if you want them. You will find a piano +in the drawing-room and another in the hall, and a Bechstein grand in +the billiard-room. That is where I hold the practices for the men and +maids. I could not make up my mind which makers I really preferred, +Erard, Broadwood, Collard, or Bechstein; so by degrees I collected one +of each. And after all I think I play best upon the little cottage +piano we had in the school-room at home. It stands in my boudoir now. I +seem more accustomed to its notes, or it lends itself better to my way +of playing." +</P> + +<P> +"Thank you, Myra," said Jane. "I fancy Dal and I will like the +Bechstein." +</P> + +<P> +"And if you want something really exciting in the way of music," +continued Lady Ingleby, "you might attend some of the rehearsals for +this 'service of song' they are getting up in aid of the organ deficit +fund. I believe they are attempting great things." +</P> + +<P> +"I would sooner pay off the whole deficit, than go within a mile of a +'service of song,'" said Jane emphatically. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, no," put in Garth quickly, noting Myra's look of disappointment. +"It is so good for people to work off their own debts and earn the +things they need in their churches. And 'services of song' are +delightful if well done, as I am sure this will be if Lady Ingleby's +people are in it. Lawson outlined it to me this morning, and hummed all +the principal airs. It is highly dramatic. Robinson Crusoe—no, of +course not! What's the beggar's name? 'Uncle Tom's Cabin'? Yes, I knew +it was something black. Lawson is Uncle Tom, and the vicar's small +daughter is to be little Eva. Miss Champion, you will walk down with me +to the very next rehearsal." +</P> + +<P> +"Shall I?" said Jane, unconscious of how tender was the smile she gave +him; conscious only that in her own heart was the remembrance of the +evening at Overdene when she felt so inclined to say to him: "Tell me +just what you want me to do, and I will do it." +</P> + +<P> +"Pauline will just love to go with you," said Mrs. Parker Bangs. "She +dotes on rural music." +</P> + +<P> +"Rubbish, aunt!" said Miss Lister, who had slipped into an empty chair +near Myra. "I agree with Miss Champion about 'services of song,' and I +don't care for any music but the best." +</P> + +<P> +Jane turned to her quickly, with a cordial smile and her most friendly +manner. "Ah, but you must come," she said. "We will be victimised +together. And perhaps Dal and Lawson will succeed in converting us to +the cult of the 'service of song.' And anyway it will be amusing to +have Dal explain it to us. He will need the courage of his convictions." +</P> + +<P> +"Talking of something 'really exciting in the way of music,'" said +Pauline Lister, "we had it on board when we came over. There was a nice +friendly crowd on board the Arabic, and they arranged a concert for +half-past eight on the Thursday evening. We were about two hundred +miles off the coast of Ireland, and when we came up from dinner we had +run into a dense fog. At eight o'clock they started blowing the +fog-horn every half-minute, and while the fog-horn was sounding you +couldn't hear yourself speak. However, all the programmes were printed, +and it was our last night on board, so they concluded to have the +concert all the same. Down we all trooped into the saloon, and each +item of that programme was punctuated by the stentorian BOO of the +fog-horn every thirty seconds. You never heard anything so cute as the +way it came in, right on time. A man with a deep bass voice sang ROCKED +IN THE CRADLE OF THE DEEP, and each time he reached the refrain, 'And +calm and peaceful is my sle-eep,' BOO went the fog-horn, casting a +certain amount of doubt on our expectations of peaceful sleep that +night, anyway. Then a man with a sweet tenor sang OFT IN THE STILLY +NIGHT, and the fog-horn showed us just how oft, namely, every thirty +seconds. But the queerest effect of all was when a girl had to play a +piano-forte solo. It was something of Chopin's, full of runs and trills +and little silvery notes. She started all right; but when she was +half-way down the first page, BOO went the fog-horn, a longer blast +than usual. We saw her fingers flying, and the turning of the page, but +not a note could we hear; and when the old horn stopped and we could +hear the piano again, she had reached a place half-way down the second +page, and we hadn't heard what led to it. My! it was funny. That went +on all through. She was a plucky girl to stick to it. We gave her a +good round of applause when she had finished, and the fog-horn joined +in and drowned us. It was the queerest concert experience I ever had. +But we all enjoyed it. Only we didn't enjoy that noise keeping right on +until five o'clock next morning." +</P> + +<P> +Jane had turned in her chair, and listened with appreciative interest +while the lovely American girl talked, watching, with real delight, her +exquisite face and graceful gestures, and thinking how Dal must enjoy +looking at her when she talked with so much charm and animation. She +glanced down, trying to see the admiration in his eyes; but his head +was bent, and he was apparently absorbed in the occupation of tracing +the broguing of her shoes with the long stalk of a chestnut leaf. For a +moment she watched the slim brown hand, as carefully intent on this +useless task, as if working on a canvas; then she suddenly withdrew her +foot, feeling almost vexed with him for his inattention and apparent +indifference. +</P> + +<P> +Garth sat up instantly. "It must have been awfully funny," he said. +"And how well you told it. One could hear the fog-horn, and see the +dismayed faces of the performers. Like an earthquake, a fog-horn is the +sort of thing you don't ever get used to. It sounds worse every time. +Let's each tell the funniest thing we remember at a concert. I once +heard a youth recite Tennyson's Charge of the Light Brigade with much +dramatic action. But he was extremely nervous, and got rather mixed. In +describing the attitude of mind of the noble six hundred, he told us +impressively that it was" +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "'Theirs not to make reply;<BR> + Theirs not to do or die;<BR> + Theirs BUT TO REASON WHY.'"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +"The tone and action were all right, and I doubt whether many of the +audience noticed anything wrong with the words." +</P> + +<P> +"That reminds me," said Ronald Ingram, "of quite the funniest thing I +ever heard. It was at a Thanksgiving service when some of our troops +returned from South Africa. The proceedings concluded by the singing of +the National Anthem right through. You recollect how recently we had +had to make the change of pronoun, and how difficult it was to remember +not to shout:" +</P> + +<P> +"'Send HER victorious'? Well, there was a fellow just behind me, with a +tremendous voice, singing lustily, and taking special pains to get the +pronouns correct throughout. And when he reached the fourth line of the +second verse he sang with loyal fervour." +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "'Confound HIS politics,<BR> + Frustrate HIS knavish tricks!'"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +"That would amuse the King," said Lady Ingleby. "Are you sure it is a +fact, Ronnie?" +</P> + +<P> +"Positive! I could tell you the church, and the day, and call a whole +pewful of witnesses who were convulsed by it." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I shall tell his Majesty at the next opportunity, and say you +heard it. But how about the tennis? What comes next? Final for couples? +Oh, yes! Dal, you and Miss Lister play Colonel Loraine and Miss +Vermount; and I think you ought to win fairly easily. You two are so +well matched. Jane, this will be worth watching." +</P> + +<P> +"I am sure it will," said Jane warmly, looking at the two, who had +risen and stood together in the evening sunlight, examining their +rackets and discussing possible tactics, while awaiting their +opponents. They made such a radiantly beautiful couple; it was as if +nature had put her very best and loveliest into every detail of each. +The only fault which could possibly have been found with the idea of +them wedded, was that her dark, slim beauty was so very much just a +feminine edition of his, that they might easily have been taken for +brother and sister; but this was not a fault which occurred to Jane. +Her whole-hearted admiration of Pauline increased every time she looked +at her; and now she had really seen them together, she felt sure she +had given wise advice to Garth, and rejoiced to know he was taking it. +</P> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<P> +Later on, as they strolled back to the house together,—she and Garth +alone,—Jane said, simply: "Dal, you will not mind if I ask? Is it +settled yet?" +</P> + +<P> +"I mind nothing you ask," Garth replied; "only be more explicit. Is +what settled?" +</P> + +<P> +"Are you and Miss Lister engaged?" +</P> + +<P> +"No," Garth answered. "What made you suppose we should be?" +</P> + +<P> +"You said at Overdene on Tuesday—TUESDAY! oh! doesn't it seem weeks +ago?—you said we were to take you seriously." +</P> + +<P> +"It seems years ago," said Garth; "and I sincerely hope you will take +me—seriously. All the same I have not proposed to Miss Lister; and I +am anxious for an undisturbed talk with you on the subject. Miss +Champion, after dinner to-night, when all the games and amusements are +in full swing, and we can escape unobserved, will you come out onto the +terrace with me, where I shall be able to speak to you without fear of +interruption? The moonlight on the lake is worth seeing from the +terrace. I spent an hour out there last night—ah, no; you are wrong +for once—I spent it alone, when the boating was over, and thought +of—how—to-night—we might be talking there together." +</P> + +<P> +"Certainly I will come," said Jane; "and you must feel free to tell me +anything you wish, and promise to let me advise or help in any way I +can." +</P> + +<P> +"I will tell you everything," said Garth very low, "and you shall +advise and help as ONLY you can." +</P> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<P> +Jane sat on her window-sill, enjoying the sunset and the exquisite +view, and glad of a quiet half-hour before she need think of summoning +her maid. Immediately below her ran the terrace, wide and gravelled, +bounded by a broad stone parapet, behind which was a drop of eight or +ten feet to the old-fashioned garden, with quaint box-bordered +flower-beds, winding walks, and stone fountains. Beyond, a stretch of +smooth lawn sloping down to the lake, which now lay, a silver mirror, +in the soft evening light. The stillness was so perfect; the sense of +peace, so all-pervading. Jane held a book on her knee, but she was not +reading. She was looking away to the distant woods beyond the lake; +then to the pearly sky above, flecked with rosy clouds and streaked +with gleams of gold; and a sense of content, and gladness, and +well-being, filled her. +</P> + +<P> +Presently she heard a light step on the gravel below and leaned forward +to see to whom it belonged. Garth had come out of the smoking-room and +walked briskly to and fro, once or twice. Then he threw himself into a +wicker seat just beneath her window, and sat there, smoking +meditatively. The fragrance of his cigarette reached Jane, up among the +magnolia blossoms. "'Zenith,' Marcovitch," she said to herself, and +smiled. "Packed in jolly green boxes, twelve shillings a hundred! I +must remember in case I want to give him a Christmas present. By then +it will be difficult to find anything which has not already been +showered upon him." +</P> + +<P> +Garth flung away the end of his cigarette, and commenced humming below +his breath; then gradually broke into words and sang softly, in his +sweet barytone: +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "'It is not mine to sing the stately grace,<BR> + The great soul beaming in my lady's face.'"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +The tones, though quiet, were so vibrant with passionate feeling, that +Jane felt herself an eavesdropper. She hastily picked a large magnolia +leaf and, leaning out, let it fall upon his head. Garth started, and +looked up. "Hullo!" he said. "YOU—up there?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said Jane, laughing down at him, and speaking low lest other +casements should be open, "I—up here. You are serenading the wrong +window, dear 'devout lover.'" +</P> + +<P> +"What a lot you know about it," remarked Garth, rather moodily. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't I?" whispered Jane. "But you must not mind, Master Garthie, +because you know how truly I care. In old Margery's absence, you must +let me be mentor." +</P> + +<P> +Garth sprang up and stood erect, looking up at her, half-amused, +half-defiant. +</P> + +<P> +"Shall I climb the magnolia?" he said. "I have heaps to say to you +which cannot be shouted to the whole front of the house." +</P> + +<P> +"Certainly not," replied Jane. "I don't want any Romeos coming in at my +window. 'Hoity-toity! What next?' as Aunt 'Gina would say. Run along +and change your pinafore, Master Garthie. The 'heaps of things' must +keep until to-night, or we shall both be late for dinner." +</P> + +<P> +"All right," said Garth, "all right. But you will come out here this +evening, Miss Champion? And you will give me as long as I want?" +</P> + +<P> +"I will come as soon as we can possibly escape," replied Jane; "and you +cannot be more anxious to tell me everything than I am to hear it. Oh! +the scent of these magnolias! And just look at the great white +trumpets! Would you like one for your buttonhole?" +</P> + +<P> +He gave her a wistful, whimsical little smile; then turned and went +indoors. +</P> + +<P> +"Why do I feel so inclined to tease him?" mused Jane, as she moved, +from the window. "Really it is I who have been silly this time; and he, +staid and sensible. Myra is quite right. He is taking it very +seriously. And how about her? Ah! I hope she cares enough, and in the +right way.—Come in, Matthews! And you can put out the gown I wore on +the night of the concert at Overdene, and we must make haste. We have +just twenty minutes. What a lovely evening! Before you do anything +else, come and see this sunset on the lake. Ah! it is good to be here!" +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap10"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER X +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE REVELATION +</H3> + +<P> +All the impatience in the world could not prevent dinner at Shenstone +from being a long function, and two of the most popular people in the +party could not easily escape afterwards unnoticed. So a distant clock +in the village was striking ten, as Garth and Jane stepped out on to +the terrace together. Garth caught up a rug in passing, and closed the +door of the lower hall carefully behind him. +</P> + +<P> +They were quite alone. It was the first time they had been really alone +since these days apart, which had seemed so long to both. +</P> + +<P> +They walked silently, side by side, to the wide stone parapet +overlooking the old-fashioned garden. The silvery moonlight flooded the +whole scene with radiance. They could see the stiff box-borders, the +winding paths, the queerly shaped flower-beds, and, beyond, the lake, +like a silver mirror, reflecting the calm loveliness of the full moon. +</P> + +<P> +Garth spread the rug on the coping, and Jane sat down. He stood beside +her, one foot on the coping, his arms folded across his chest, his head +erect. Jane had seated herself sideways, turning towards him, her back +to an old stone lion mounting guard upon the parapet; but she turned +her head still further, to look down upon the lake, and she thought +Garth was looking in the same direction. +</P> + +<P> +But Garth was looking at Jane. +</P> + +<P> +She wore the gown of soft trailing black material she had worn at the +Overdene concert, only she had not on the pearls or, indeed, any +ornament save a cluster of crimson rambler roses. They nestled in the +soft, creamy old lace which covered the bosom of her gown. There was a +quiet strength and nobility about her attitude which thrilled the soul +of the man who stood watching her. All the adoring love, the passion of +worship, which filled his heart, rose to his eyes and shone there. No +need to conceal it now. His hour had come at last, and he had nothing +to hide from the woman he loved. +</P> + +<P> +Presently she turned, wondering why he did not begin his confidences +about Pauline Lister. Looking up inquiringly, she met his eyes. +</P> + +<P> +"Dal!" cried Jane, and half rose from her seat. "Oh, Dal,—don't!" +</P> + +<P> +He gently pressed her back. "Hush, dear," he said. "I must tell you +everything, and you have promised to listen, and to advise and help. +Ah, Jane, Jane! I shall need your help. I want it so greatly, and not +only your help, Jane—but YOU—you, yourself. Ah, how I want you! These +three days have been one continual ache of loneliness, because you were +not there; and life began to live and move again, when you returned. +And yet it has been so hard, waiting all these hours to speak. I have +so much to tell you, Jane, of all you are to me—all you have become to +me, since the night of the concert. Ah, how can I express it? I have +never had any big things in my life; all has been more or less +trivial—on the surface. This need of you—this wanting you—is so +huge. It dwarfs all that went before; it would overwhelm all that is to +come,—were it not that it will be the throne, the crown, the summit, +of the future.—Oh, Jane! I have admired so many women. I have raved +about them, sighed for them, painted them, and forgotten them. But I +never LOVED a woman before; I never knew what womanhood meant to a man, +until I heard your voice thrill through the stillness—'I count each +pearl.' Ah, beloved, I have learned to count pearls since then, +precious hours in the past, long forgotten, now remembered, and at last +understood. 'Each hour a pearl, each pearl a prayer,' ay, a passionate +plea that past and present may blend together into a perfect rosary, +and that the future may hold no possibility of pain or parting. Oh, +Jane—Jane! Shall I ever be able to make you understand—all—how +much—Oh, JANE!" +</P> + +<P> +She was not sure just when he had come so near; but he had dropped on +one knee in front of her, and, as he uttered the last broken sentences, +he passed both his arms around her waist and pressed his face into the +soft lace at her bosom. A sudden quietness came over him. All +struggling with explanations seemed hushed into the silence of complete +comprehension—an all-pervading, enveloping silence. +</P> + +<P> +Jane neither moved nor spoke. It was so strangely sweet to have him +there—this whirlwind of emotion come home to rest, in a great +stillness, just above her quiet heart. Suddenly she realised that the +blank of the last three days had not been the miss of the music, but +the miss of HIM; and as she realised this, she unconsciously put her +arms about him. Sensations unknown to her before, awoke and moved +within her,—a heavenly sense of aloofness from the world, the +loneliness of life all swept away by this dear fact—just he and she +together. Even as she thought it, felt it, he lifted his head, still +holding her, and looking into her face, said: "You and I together, my +own—my own." +</P> + +<P> +But those beautiful shining eyes were more than Jane could bear. The +sense of her plainness smote her, even in that moment; and those +adoring eyes seemed lights that revealed it. With no thought in her +mind but to hide the outward part from him who had suddenly come so +close to the shrine within, she quickly put both hands behind his head +and pressed his face down again, into the lace at her bosom. But, to +him, those dear firm hands holding him close, by that sudden movement, +seemed an acceptance of himself and of all he had to offer. For ten, +twenty, thirty exquisite seconds, his soul throbbed in silence and +rapture beyond words. Then he broke from the pressure of those +restraining hands; lifted his head, and looked into her face once more. +</P> + +<P> +"My wife!" he said. +</P> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<P> +Into Jane's honest face came a look of startled wonder; then a deep +flush, seeming to draw all the blood, which had throbbed so strangely +through her heart, into her cheeks, making them burn, and her heart die +within her. She disengaged herself from his hold, rose, and stood +looking away to where the still waters of the lake gleamed silver in +the moonlight. +</P> + +<P> +Garth Dalmain stood beside her. He did not touch her, nor did he speak +again. He felt sure he had won; and his whole soul was filled with a +gladness unspeakable. His spirit was content. The intense silence +seemed more expressive than words. Any ordinary touch would have dimmed +the sense of those moments when her hands had held him to her. So he +stood quite still and waited. +</P> + +<P> +At last Jane spoke. "Do you mean that you wish to ask me to be—to be +THAT—to you?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, dear," he answered, gently; but in his voice vibrated the quiet +of strong self-control. "At least I came out here intending to ask it +of you. But I cannot ask it now, beloved. I can't ask you TO BE what +you ARE already. No promise, no ceremony, no giving or receiving of a +ring, could make you more my wife than you have been just now in those +wonderful moments." +</P> + +<P> +Jane slowly turned and looked at him. She had never seen anything so +radiant as his face. But still those shining eyes smote her like +swords. She longed to cover them with her hands; or bid him look away +over the woods and water, while he went on saying these sweet things to +her. She put up one foot on the low parapet, leaned her elbow on her +knee, and shielded her face with her hand. Then she answered him, +trying to speak calmly. +</P> + +<P> +"You have taken me absolutely by surprise, Dal. I knew you had been +delightfully nice and attentive since the concert evening, and that our +mutual understanding of music and pleasure in it, coupled with an +increased intimacy brought about by our confidential conversation under +the cedar, had resulted in an unusually close and delightful +friendship. I honestly admit it seems to have—it has—meant more to me +than any friendship has ever meant. But that was partly owing to your +temperament, Dal, which tends to make you always the most vivid spot in +one's mental landscape. But truly I thought you wanted me out here in +order to pour out confidences about Pauline Lister. Everybody believes +that her loveliness has effected your final capture, and truly, Dal, +truly—I thought so, too." Jane paused. +</P> + +<P> +"Well?" said the quiet voice, with its deep undertone of gladness. "You +know otherwise now." +</P> + +<P> +"Dal—you have so startled and astonished me. I cannot give you an +answer to-night. You must let me have until to-morrow—to-morrow +morning." +</P> + +<P> +"But, beloved," he said tenderly, moving a little nearer, "there is no +more need for you to answer than I felt need to put a question. Can't +you realise this? Question and answer were asked and given just now. +Oh, my dearest—come back to me. Sit down again." +</P> + +<P> +But Jane stood rigid. +</P> + +<P> +"No," she said. "I can't allow you to take things for granted in this +way. You took me by surprise, and I lost my head utterly—unpardonably, +I admit. But, my dear boy, marriage is a serious thing. Marriage is not +a mere question of sentiment. It has to wear. It has to last. It must +have a solid and dependable foundation, to stand the test and strain of +daily life together. I know so many married couples intimately. I stay +in their homes, and act sponsor to their children; with the result that +I vowed never to risk it myself. And now I have let you put this +question, and you must not wonder if I ask for twelve hours to think it +over." +</P> + +<P> +Garth took this silently. He sat down on the stone coping with his back +to the lake and, leaning backward, tried to see her face; but the hand +completely screened it. He crossed his knees and clasped both hands +around them, rocking slightly backward and forward for a minute while +mastering the impulse to speak or act violently. He strove to compose +his mind by fixing it upon trivial details which chanced to catch his +eye. His red socks showed clearly in the moonlight against the white +paving of the terrace, and looked well with black patent-leather shoes. +He resolved always to wear red silk socks in the evening, and wondered +whether Jane would knit some for him. He counted the windows along the +front of the house, noting which were his and which were Jane's, and +how many came between. At last he knew he could trust himself, and, +leaning back, spoke very gently, his dark head almost touching the lace +of her sleeve. +</P> + +<P> +"Dearest—tell me, didn't you feel just now—" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, hush!". cried Jane, almost harshly, "hush, Dal! Don't talk about +feelings with this question between us. Marriage is fact, not feeling. +If you want to do really the best thing for us both, go straight +indoors now and don't speak to me again to-night. I heard you say you +were going to try the organ in the church on the common at eleven +o'clock to-morrow morning. Well—I will come there soon after half-past +eleven and listen while you play; and at noon you can send away the +blower, and I will give you my answer. But now—oh, go away, dear; for +truly I cannot bear anymore. I must be left alone." +</P> + +<P> +Garth loosed the strong fingers clasped so tightly round his knee. He +slipped the hand next to her along the stone coping, close to her foot. +She felt him take hold of her gown with those deft, masterful fingers. +Then he bent his dark head quickly, and whispering: "I kiss the cross," +with a gesture of infinite reverence and tenderness, which Jane never +forgot, he kissed the hem of her skirt. The next moment she was alone. +</P> + +<P> +She listened while his footsteps died away. She heard the door into the +lower hall open and close. Then slowly she sat down just as she had sat +when he knelt in front of her. Now she was quite alone. The tension of +these last hard moments relaxed. She pressed both hands over the lace +at her bosom where that dear, beautiful, adoring face had been hidden. +Had she FELT, he asked. Ah! what had she not felt? +</P> + +<P> +Tears never came easily to Jane. But to-night she had been called a +name by which she had never thought to be called; and already her +honest heart was telling her she would never be called by it again. And +large silent tears overflowed and fell upon her hands and upon the lace +at her breast. For the wife and the mother in her had been wakened and +stirred, and the deeps of her nature broke through the barriers of +stern repression and almost masculine self-control, and refused to be +driven back without the womanly tribute of tears. +</P> + +<P> +And around her feet lay the scattered petals of crushed rambler roses. +</P> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<P> +Presently she passed indoors. The upper hall was filled with merry +groups and resounded with "good-nights" as the women mounted the great +staircase, pausing to fling back final repartees, or to confirm plans +for the morrow. +</P> + +<P> +Garth Dalmain was standing at the foot of the staircase, held in +conversation by Pauline Lister and her aunt, who had turned on the +fourth step. Jane saw his slim, erect figure and glossy head the moment +she entered the hall. His back was towards her, and though she advanced +and stood quite near, he gave no sign of being aware of her presence. +But the joyousness of his voice seemed to make him hers again in this +new sweet way. She alone knew what had caused it, and unconsciously she +put one hand over her bosom as she listened. +</P> + +<P> +"Sorry, dear ladies," Garth was saying, "but to-morrow morning is +impossible. I have an engagement in the village. Yes—really! At eleven +o'clock." +</P> + +<P> +"That sounds so rural and pretty, Mr. Dalmain," said Mrs. Parker Bangs. +"Why not take Pauline and me along? We have seen no dairies, and no +dairy-maids, nor any of the things in Adam Bede, since we came over. I +would just love to step into Mrs. Poyser's kitchen and see myself +reflected in the warming-pans on the walls." +</P> + +<P> +"Perhaps we would be DE TROP in the dairy," murmured Miss Lister archly. +</P> + +<P> +She looked very lovely in her creamy-white satin gown, her small head +held regally, the brilliant charm of American womanhood radiating from +her. She wore no jewels, save one string of perfectly matched pearls; +but on Pauline Lister's neck even pearls seemed to sparkle. +</P> + +<P> +All these scintillations, flung at Garth, passed over his sleek head +and reached Jane where she lingered in the background. She took in +every detail. Never had Miss Lister's loveliness been more correctly +appraised. +</P> + +<P> +"But it happens, unfortunately, to be neither a dairy-maid nor a +warming-pan," said Garth. "My appointment is with a very grubby small +boy, whose rural beauties consist in a shock of red hair and a whole +pepper-pot of freckles." +</P> + +<P> +"Philanthropic?" inquired Miss Lister. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, at the rate of threepence an hour." +</P> + +<P> +"A caddy, of course," cried both ladies together. +</P> + +<P> +"My! What a mystery about a thing so simple!" added Mrs. Parker Bangs. +"Now we have heard, Mr. Dalmain, that it is well worth the walk to the +links to see you play. So you may expect us to arrive there, time to +see you start around." +</P> + +<P> +Garth's eyes twinkled. Jane could hear the twinkle in his voice. "My +dear lady," he said, "you overestimate my play as, in your great +kindness of heart, you overestimate many other things connected with +me. But I shall like to think of you at the golf links at eleven +o'clock to-morrow morning. You might drive there, but the walk through +the woods is too charming to miss. Only remember, you cross the park +and leave by the north gate, not the main entrance by which we go to +the railway station. I would offer to escort you, but duty takes me, at +an early hour, in quite another direction. Besides, when Miss Lister's +wish to see the links is known, so many people will discover golf to be +the one possible way of spending to-morrow morning, that I should be +but a unit in the crowd which will troop across the park to the north +gate. It will be quite impossible for you to miss your way." +</P> + +<P> +Mrs. Parker Bangs was beginning to explain elaborately that never, +under any circumstances, could he be a unit, when her niece +peremptorily interposed. +</P> + +<P> +"That will do, aunt. Don't be silly. We are all units, except when we +make a crowd; which is what we are doing on this staircase at this +present moment, so that Miss Champion has for some time been trying +ineffectually to pass us. Do you golf to-morrow, Miss Champion?" +</P> + +<P> +Garth stood on one side, and Jane began to mount the stairs. He did not +look at her, but it seemed to Jane that his eyes were on the hem of her +gown as it trailed past him. She paused beside Miss Lister. She knew +exactly how effectual a foil she made to the American girl's white +loveliness. She turned and faced him. She wished him to look up and see +them standing there together. She wanted the artist eyes to take in the +cruel contrast. She wanted the artist soul of him to realise it. She +waited. +</P> + +<P> +Garth's eyes were still on the hem of her gown, close to the left foot; +but he lifted them slowly to the lace at her bosom, where her hand +still lay. There they rested a moment, then dropped again, without +rising higher. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said Mrs. Parker Bangs, "are you playing around with Mr. Dalmain +to-morrow forenoon, Miss Champion?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane suddenly flushed crimson, and then was furious with herself for +blushing, and hated the circumstances which made her feel and act so +unlike her ordinary self. She hesitated during the long dreadful +moment. How dared Garth behave in that way? People would think there +was something unusual about her gown. She felt a wild impulse to stoop +and look at it herself to see whether his kiss had materialised and was +hanging like a star to the silken hem. Then she forced herself to +calmness and answered rather brusquely: "I am not golfing to-morrow; +but you could not do better than go to the links. Good-night, Mrs. +Parker Bangs. Sleep well, Miss Lister. Good-night, Dal." +</P> + +<P> +Garth was on the step below them, handing Pauline's aunt a letter she +had dropped. +</P> + +<P> +"Good-night, Miss Champion," he said, and for one instant his eyes met +hers, but he did not hold out his hand, or appear to see hers half +extended. +</P> + +<P> +The three women mounted the staircase together, then went different +ways. Miss Lister trailed away down a passage to the right, her aunt +trotting in her wake. +</P> + +<P> +"There's been a tiff there," said Mrs. Parker Bangs. +</P> + +<P> +"Poor thing!" said Miss Lister softly. "I like her. She's a real good +sort. I should have thought she would have been more sensible than the +rest of us." +</P> + +<P> +"A real plain sort," said her aunt, ignoring the last sentence. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, she didn't make her own face," said Miss Lister generously. +</P> + +<P> +"No, and she don't pay other people to make it for her. She's what Sir +Walter Scott calls: 'Nature in all its ruggedness.'" +</P> + +<P> +"Dear aunt," remarked Miss Lister wearily, "I wish you wouldn't trouble +to quote the English classics to me when we are alone. It is pure waste +of breath, because you see I KNOW you have read them all. Here is my +door. Now come right in and make yourself comfy on that couch. I am +going to sit in this palatial arm-chair opposite, and do a little very +needful explaining. My! How they fix one to the floor! These ancestral +castles are all right so far as they go, but they don't know a thing +about rockers. Now I have a word or two to say about Miss Champion. +She's a real good sort, and I like her. She's not a beauty; but she has +a fine figure, and she dresses right. She has heaps of money, and could +have rarer pearls than mine; but she knows better than to put pearls on +that brown skin. I like a woman who knows her limitations and is +sensible over them. All the men adore her, not for what she looks but +for what she is, and, my word, aunt, that's what pays in the long run. +That is what lasts. Ten years hence the Honourable Jane will still be +what she is, and I shall be trying to look what I'm not. As for Garth +Dalmain, he has eyes for all of us and a heart for none. His pretty +speeches and admiring looks don't mean marriage, because he is a man +with an ideal of womanhood and he can't see himself marrying below it. +If the Sistine Madonna could step down off those clouds and hand the +infant to the young woman on her left, he might marry HER; but even +then he would be afraid he might see some one next day who did her hair +more becomingly, or that her foot would not look so well on his Persian +rugs as it does on that cloud. He won't marry money, because he has +plenty of it. And even if he hadn't, money made in candles would not +appeal to him. He won't marry beauty, because he thinks too much about +it. He adores so many lovely faces, that he is never sure for +twenty-four hours which of them he admires most, bar the fact that, as +in the case of fruit trees, the unattainable are usually the most +desired. He won't marry goodness—virtue—worth—whatever you choose to +call the sterling qualities of character—because in all these the +Honourable Jane Champion is his ideal, and she is too sensible a woman +to tie such an epicure to her plain face. Besides, she considers +herself his grandmother, and doesn't require him to teach her to suck +eggs. But Garth Dalmain, poor boy, is so sublimely lacking in +self-consciousness that he never questions whether he can win his +ideal. He possesses her already in his soul, and it will be a fearful +smack in the face when she says 'No,' as she assuredly will do, for +reasons aforesaid. These three days, while he has been playing around +with me, and you and other dear match-making old donkeys have gambolled +about us, and made sure we were falling in love, he has been +worshipping the ground she walks on, and counting the hours until he +should see her walk on it again. He enjoyed being with me more than +with the other girls, because I understood, and helped him to work all +conversations round to her, and he knew, when she arrived here, I could +be trusted to develop sudden anxiety about you, or have important +letters to write, if she came in sight. But that is all there will ever +be between me and Garth Dalmain; and if you had a really careful regard +for my young affections you would drop your false set on the marble +wash-stand, or devise some other equally false excuse for our immediate +departure for town to-morrow.—And now, dear, don't stay to argue; +because I have said exactly all there is to say on the subject, and a +little more. And try to toddle to bed without telling me of which cute +character in Dickens I remind you, because I am cuter than any of them, +and if I stay in this tight frock another second I can't answer for the +consequences.—Oui, Josephine, entrez!—Good-night, dear aunt. Happy +dreams!" +</P> + +<P> +But after her maid had left her, Pauline switched off the electric +light and, drawing back the curtain, stood for a long while at her +window, looking out at the peaceful English scene bathed in moonlight. +At last she murmured softly, leaning her beautiful head against the +window frame: +</P> + +<P> +"I stated your case well, but you didn't quite deserve it, Dal. You +ought to have let me know about Jane, weeks ago. Anyway, it will stop +the talk about you and me. And as for you, dear, you will go on sighing +for the moon; and when you find the moon is unattainable, you will not +dream of seeking solace in more earthly lights—not even poppa's best +sperm," she added, with a wistful little smile, for Pauline's fun +sparkled in solitude as freely as in company, and as often at her own +expense as at that of other people, and her brave American spirit would +not admit, even to herself, a serious hurt. +</P> + +<P> +Meanwhile Jane had turned to the left and passed slowly to her room. +Garth had not taken her half-proffered hand, and she knew perfectly +well why. He would never again be content to clasp her hand in +friendship. If she cut him off from the touch which meant absolute +possession, she cut herself off from the contact of simple comradeship. +Garth, to-night, was like a royal tiger who had tasted blood. It seemed +a queer simile, as she thought of him in his conventional evening +clothes, correct in every line, well-groomed, smart almost to a fault. +But out on the terrace with him she had realised, for the first time, +the primal elements which go to the making of a man—a forceful +determined, ruling man—creation's king. They echo of primeval forests. +The roar of the lion is in them, the fierceness of the tiger; the +instinct of dominant possession, which says: "Mine to have and hold, to +fight for and enjoy; and I slay all comers!" She had felt it, and her +own brave soul had understood it and responded to it, unafraid; and +been ready to mate with it, if only—ah! if only— +</P> + +<P> +But things could never be again as they had been before. If she meant +to starve her tiger, steel bars must be between them for evermore. None +of those sentimental suggestions of attempts to be a sort of +unsatisfactory cross between sister and friend would do for the man +whose head she had unconsciously held against her breast. Jane knew +this. He had kept himself magnificently in hand after she put him from +her, but she knew he was only giving her breathing space. He still +considered her his own, and his very certainty of the near future had +given him that gentle patience in the present. But even now, while her +answer pended, he would not take her hand in friendship. Jane closed +her door and locked it. She must face this problem of the future, with +all else locked out excepting herself and him. Ah! if she could but +lock herself out and think only of him and of his love, as beautiful, +perfect gifts laid at her feet, that she might draw them up into her +empty arms and clasp them there for evermore. Just for a little while +she would do this. One hour of realisation was her right. Afterwards +she must bring HERSELF into the problem,—her possibilities; her +limitations; herself, in her relation to him in the future; in the +effect marriage with her would be likely to have upon him. What it +might mean to her did not consciously enter into her calculations. Jane +was self-conscious, with the intense self-consciousness of all reserved +natures, but she was not selfish. +</P> + +<P> +At first, then, she left her room in darkness, and, groping her way to +the curtains, drew them back, threw up the sash, and, drawing a chair +to the window, sat down, leaning her elbows on the sill and her chin in +her hands, and looked down upon the terrace, still bathed in moonlight. +Her window was almost opposite the place where she and Garth had +talked. She could see the stone lion and the vase full of scarlet +geraniums. She could locate the exact spot where she was sitting when +he—Memory awoke, vibrant. +</P> + +<P> +Then Jane allowed herself the most wonderful mental experience of her +life. She was a woman of purpose and decision. She had said she had a +right to that hour, and she took it to the full. In soul she met her +tiger and mated with him, unafraid. He had not asked whether she loved +him or not, and she did not need to ask herself. She surrendered her +proud liberty, and tenderly, humbly, wistfully, yet with all the +strength of her strong nature, promised to love, honour, and obey him. +She met the adoration of his splendid eyes without a tremor. She had +locked her body out. She was alone with her soul; and her soul was +all-beautiful—perfect for him. +</P> + +<P> +The loneliness of years slipped from her. Life became rich and +purposeful. He needed her always, and she was always there and always +able to meet his need. "Are you content, my beloved?" she asked over +and over; and Garth's joyous voice, with the ring of perpetual youth in +it, always answered: "Perfectly content." And Jane smiled into the +night, and in the depths of her calm eyes dawned a knowledge hitherto +unknown, and in her tender smile trembled, with unspeakable sweetness, +an understanding of the secret of a woman's truest bliss. "He is mine +and I am his. And because he is mine, my beloved is safe; and because I +am his, he is content." +</P> + +<P> +Thus she gave herself completely; gathering him into the shelter of her +love; and her generous heart expanded to the greatness of the gift. +Then the mother in her awoke and realised how much of the maternal +flows into the love of a true woman when she understands how largely +the child-nature predominates in the man in love, and how the very +strength of his need of her reduces to unaccustomed weakness the strong +nature to which she has become essential. +</P> + +<P> +Jane pressed her hands upon her breast. "Garth," she whispered, "Garth, +I UNDERSTAND. My own poor boy, it was so hard to you to be sent away +just then. But you had had all—all you wanted, in those few wonderful +moments, and nothing can rob you of that fact. And you have made me SO +yours that, whatever the future brings for you and me, no other face +will ever be hidden here. It is yours, and I am yours—to-night, and +henceforward, forever." +</P> + +<P> +Jane leaned her forehead on the window-sill. The moonlight fell on the +heavy coils of her brown hair. The scent of the magnolia blooms rose in +fragrance around her. The song of a nightingale purled and thrilled in +an adjacent wood. The lonely years of the past, the perplexing moments +of the present, the uncertain vistas of the future, all rolled away. +She sailed with Garth upon a golden ocean far removed from the shores +of time. For love is eternal; and the birth of love frees the spirit +from all limitations of the flesh. +</P> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<P> +A clock in the distant village struck midnight. The twelve strokes +floated up to Jane's window across the moonlit park. Time was once +more. Her freed spirit resumed the burden of the body. +</P> + +<P> +A new day had begun, the day upon which she had promised her answer to +Garth. The next time that clock struck twelve she would be standing +with him in the church, and her answer must be ready. +</P> + +<P> +She turned from the window without closing it, drew the curtains +closely across, switched on the electric light over the writing-table, +took off her evening gown, hung up bodice and skirt in the wardrobe, +resolutely locking the door upon them. Then she slipped on a sage-green +wrapper, which she had lately purchased at a bazaar because every one +else fled from it, and the old lady whose handiwork it was seemed so +disappointed, and, drawing a chair near the writing-table, took out her +diary, unlocked the heavy clasp, and began to read. She turned the +pages slowly, pausing here and there, until she came to those she +sought. Over them she pondered long, her head in her hands. They +contained a very full account of her conversation with Garth on the +afternoon of the day of the concert at Overdene; and the lines upon +which she specially dwelt were these: "His face was transfigured.... +Goodness and inspiration shone from it, making it as the face of an +angel.... I never thought him ugly again. Child though I was, I +could differentiate even then between ugliness and plainness. I have +associated his face ever since with the wondrous beauty of his soul. +When he sat down, at the close of his address, I no longer thought him +a complicated form of chimpanzee. I remembered the divine halo of his +smile. Of course it was not the sort of face one COULD have wanted to +live with, or to have day after day opposite one at table, but then one +was not called to that sort of discipline, which would have been +martyrdom to me. And he has always stood to my mind since as a proof of +the truth that goodness is never ugly, and that divine love and +aspiration, shining through the plainest features, may redeem them, +temporarily, into beauty; and permanently, into a thing one loves to +remember." +</P> + +<P> +At first Jane read the entire passage. Then her mind focussed itself +upon one sentence: "Of course it was not the sort of face one COULD +have wanted to live with, or to have day after day opposite one at +table, ... which would have been martyrdom to me." +</P> + +<P> +At length Jane arose, turned on all the lights over the dressing-table, +particularly two bright ones on either side of the mirror, and, sitting +down before it, faced herself honestly. +</P> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<P> +When the village clock struck one, Garth Dalmain stood at his window +taking a final look at the night which had meant so much to him. He +remembered, with an amused smile, how, to help himself to calmness, he +had sat on the terrace and thought of his socks, and then had counted +the windows between his and Jane's. There were five of them. He knew +her window by the magnolia tree and the seat beneath it where he had +chanced to sit, not knowing she was above him. He leaned far out and +looked towards it now. The curtains were drawn, but there appeared +still to be a light behind them. Even as he watched, it went out. +</P> + +<P> +He looked down at the terrace. He could see the stone lion and the vase +of scarlet geraniums. He could locate the exact spot where she was +sitting when he— +</P> + +<P> +Then he dropped upon his knees beside the window and looked up into the +starry sky. +</P> + +<P> +Garth's mother had lived long enough to teach him the holy secret of +her sweet patience and endurance. In moments of deep feeling, words +from his mother's Bible came to his lips more readily than expressions +of his own thought. Now, looking upward, he repeated softly and +reverently: "'Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and +cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, +neither shadow of turning.' And oh, Father," he added, "keep us in the +light—she and I. May there be in us, as there is in Thee, no +variableness, neither shadow which is cast by turning." +</P> + +<P> +Then he rose to his feet and looked across once more to the stone lion +and the broad coping. His soul sang within him, and he folded his arms +across his chest. "My wife!" he said. "Oh! my wife!" +</P> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<P> +And, as the village clock struck one, Jane arrived at her decision. +</P> + +<P> +Slowly she rose, and turned off all the lights; then, groping her way +to the bed, fell upon her knees beside it, and broke into a passion of +desperate, silent weeping. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap11"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XI +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +GARTH FINDS THE CROSS +</H3> + +<P> +The village church on the green was bathed in sunshine as Jane emerged +from the cool shade of the park. The clock proclaimed the hour +half-past eleven, and Jane did not hasten, knowing she was not expected +until twelve. The windows of the church were open, and the massive +oaken doors stood ajar. +</P> + +<P> +Jane paused beneath the ivy-covered porch and stood listening. The +tones of the organ reached her as from an immense distance, and yet +with an all-pervading nearness. The sound was disassociated from hands +and feet. The organ seemed breathing, and its breath was music. +</P> + +<P> +Jane pushed the heavy door further open, and even at that moment it +occurred to her that the freckled boy with a red head, and Garth's slim +proportions, had evidently passed easily through an aperture which +refused ingress to her more massive figure. She pushed the door further +open, and went in. +</P> + +<P> +Instantly a stillness entered into her soul. The sense of unseen +presences, often so strongly felt on entering an empty church alone, +the impress left upon old walls and rafters by the worshipping minds of +centuries, hushed the insistent beating of her own perplexity, and for +a few moments she forgot the errand which brought her there, and bowed +her head in unison with the worship of ages. +</P> + +<P> +Garth was playing the "Veni, Creator Spiritus" to Attwood's perfect +setting; and, as Jane walked noiselessly up to the chancel, he began to +sing the words of the second verse. He sang them softly, but his +beautifully modulated barytone carried well, and every syllable reached +her. +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "Enable with perpetual light<BR> + The dulness of our blinded sight;<BR> + Anoint and cheer our soiled face<BR> + With the abundance of Thy grace;<BR> + Keep far our foes; give peace at home;<BR> + Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +Then the organ swelled into full power, pealing out the theme of the +last verse without its words, and allowing those he had sung to repeat +themselves over and over in Jane's mind: "Where Thou art Guide, no ill +can come." Had she not prayed for guidance? Then surely all would be +well. +</P> + +<P> +She paused at the entrance to the chancel. Garth had returned to the +second verse, and was singing again, to a waldflute accompaniment, +"Enable with perpetual light—." +</P> + +<P> +Jane seated herself in one of the old oak stalls and looked around her. +The brilliant sunshine from without entered through the stained-glass +windows, mellowed into golden beams of soft amber light, with here and +there a shaft of crimson. What a beautiful expression—perpetual light! +As Garth sang it, each syllable seemed to pierce the silence like a ray +of purest sunlight. "The dulness of—" Jane could just see the top of +his dark head over the heavy brocade of the organ curtain. She dreaded +the moment when he should turn, and those vivid eyes should catch sight +of her—"our blinded sight." How would he take what she must say? Would +she have strength to come through a long hard scene? Would he be +tragically heart-broken?—"Anoint and cheer our soiled face"—Would he +argue, and insist, and override her judgment?—"With the abundance of +Thy grace"—Could she oppose his fierce strength, if he chose to exert +it? Would they either of them come through so hard a time without +wounding each other terribly?—"Keep far our foes; give peace at +home"—Oh! what could she say? What would he say? How should she +answer? What reason could she give for her refusal which Garth would +ever take as final?—"Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come." +</P> + +<P> +And then, after a few soft, impromptu chords; the theme changed. +</P> + +<P> +Jane's heart stood still. Garth was playing "The Rosary." He did not +sing it; but the soft insistence of the organ pipes seemed to press the +words into the air, as no voice could have done. Memory's pearls, in +all the purity of their gleaming preciousness, were counted one by one +by the flute and dulciana; and the sadder tones of the waldflute +proclaimed the finding of the cross. It all held a new meaning for +Jane, who looked helplessly round, as if seeking some way of escape +from the sad sweetness of sound which filled the little church. +</P> + +<P> +Suddenly it ceased. Garth stood up, turned, and saw her. The glory of a +great joy leaped into his face. +</P> + +<P> +"All right, Jimmy," he said; "that will do for this morning. And here +is a bright sixpence, because you have managed the blowing so well. +Hullo! It's a shilling! Never mind. You shall have it because it is +such a glorious day. There never was such a day, Jimmy; and I want you +to be happy also. Now run off quickly, and shut the church door behind +you, my boy." +</P> + +<P> +Ah! how his voice, with its ring of buoyant gladness, shook her soul. +</P> + +<P> +The red-headed boy, rather grubby, with a whole pepper-pot of freckles, +but a beaming face of pleasure, came out from behind the organ, +clattered down a side aisle; dropped his shilling on the way and had to +find it; but at last went out, the heavy door closing behind him with a +resounding clang. +</P> + +<P> +Garth had remained standing beside the organ, quite motionless, without +looking at Jane, and now that they were absolutely alone in the church, +he still stood and waited a few moments. To Jane those moments seemed +days, weeks, years, an eternity. Then he came out into the centre of +the chancel, his head erect, his eyes shining, his whole bearing that +of a conqueror sure of his victory. He walked down to the quaintly +carved oaken screen and, passing beneath it, stood at the step. Then he +signed to Jane to come and stand beside him. +</P> + +<P> +"Here, dearest," he said; "let it be here." +</P> + +<P> +Jane came to him, and for a moment they stood together, looking up the +chancel. It was darker than the rest of the church, being lighted only +by three narrow stained-glass windows, gems of colour and of +significance. The centre window, immediately over the communion table, +represented the Saviour of the world, dying upon the cross. They gazed +at it in reverent silence. Then Garth turned to Jane. +</P> + +<P> +"My beloved," he said, "it is a sacred Presence and a sacred place. But +no place could be too sacred for that which we have to say to each +other, and the Holy Presence, in which we both believe, is here to +bless and ratify it. I am waiting for your answer." +</P> + +<P> +Jane cleared her throat and put her trembling hands into the large +pockets of her tweed coat. +</P> + +<P> +"Dal," she said; "my answer is a question. How old are you?" +</P> + +<P> +She felt his start of intense surprise. She saw the light of expectant +joy fade from his face. But he replied, after only a momentary +hesitation: "I thought you knew, dearest. I am twenty-seven." +</P> + +<P> +"Well," said Jane slowly and deliberately, "I am thirty; and I look +thirty-five, and feel forty. You are twenty-seven, Dal, and you look +nineteen, and often feel nine. I have been thinking it over, and—you +know—I cannot marry a mere boy." +</P> + +<P> +Silence—absolute. +</P> + +<P> +In sheer terror Jane forced herself to look at him. He was white to the +lips. His face was very stern and calm—a strange, stony calmness. +There was not much youth in it just then. "ANOINT AND CHEER OUR SOILED +FACE"—The silent church seemed to wail the words in bewildered agony. +</P> + +<P> +At last he spoke. "I had not thought of myself," he said slowly. "I +cannot explain how it comes to pass, but I have not thought of myself +at all, since my mind has been full of you. Therefore I had not +realised how little there is in me that you could care for. I believed +you had felt as I did, that we were—just each other's." For a moment +he put out his hand as if he would have touched her. Then it dropped +heavily to his side. "You are quite right," he said. "You could not +marry any one whom you consider a mere boy." +</P> + +<P> +He turned from her and faced up the chancel. For the space of a long +silent minute he looked at the window over the holy table, where hung +the suffering Christ. Then he bowed his head. "I accept the cross," he +said, and, turning, walked quietly down the aisle. The church door +opened, closed behind him with a heavy clang, and Jane was alone. +</P> + +<P> +She stumbled back to the seat she had left, and fell upon her knees. +</P> + +<P> +"O, my God," she cried, "send him back to me, oh, send him back! ... +Oh, Garth! It is I who am plain and unattractive and unworthy, not you. +Oh, Garth—come back! come back! come back! ... I will trust and not +be afraid ... Oh, my own Dear—come back!" +</P> + +<P> +She listened, with straining ears. She waited, until every nerve of her +body ached with suspense. She decided what she would say when the heavy +door reopened and she saw Garth standing in a shaft of sunlight. She +tried to remember the VENI, but the hollow clang of the door had +silenced even memory's echo of that haunting music. So she waited +silently, and as she waited the silence grew and seemed to enclose her +within cruel, relentless walls which opened only to allow her glimpses +into the vista of future lonely years. Just once more she broke that +silence. "Oh, darling, come back! I WILL RISK IT," she said. But no +step drew near, and, kneeling with her face buried in her clasped +hands, Jane suddenly realised that Garth Dalmain had accepted her +decision as final and irrevocable, and would not return. +</P> + +<P> +How long she knelt there after realising this, she never knew. But at +last comfort came to her. She felt she had done right. A few hours of +present anguish were better than years of future disillusion. Her own +life would be sadly empty, and losing this newly found joy was costing +her more than she had expected; but she honestly believed "she had done +rightly towards him, and what did her own pain matter?" Thus comfort +came to Jane. +</P> + +<P> +At last she rose and passed out of the silent church into the breezy +sunshine. +</P> + +<P> +Near the park gates a little knot of excited boys were preparing to fly +a kite. Jimmy, the hero of the hour, the centre of attraction, proved +to be the proud possessor of this new kite. Jimmy was finding the day +glorious indeed, and was being happy. "Happy ALSO," Garth had said. And +Jane's eyes filled with tears, as she remembered the word and the tone +in which it was spoken. +</P> + +<P> +"There goes my poor boy's shilling," she said to herself sadly, as the +kite mounted and soared above the common; "but, alas, where is his joy?" +</P> + +<P> +As she passed up the avenue a dog-cart was driven swiftly down it. +Garth Dalmain drove it; behind him a groom and a portmanteau. He lifted +his hat as he passed her, but looked straight before him. In a moment +he was gone. Had Jane wanted to stop him she could not have done so. +But she did not want to stop him. She felt absolutely satisfied that +she had done the right thing, and done it at greater cost to herself +than to him. He would eventually—ah, perhaps before so very long—find +another to be to him all, and more than all, he had believed she could +be. But she? The dull ache at her bosom reminded her of her own words +the night before, whispered in the secret of her chamber to him who, +alas, was not there to hear: "Whatever the future brings for you and +me, no other face will ever be hidden here." And, in this first hour of +the coming lonely years, she knew them to be true. +</P> + +<P> +In the hall she met Pauline Lister. +</P> + +<P> +"Is that you, Miss Champion?" said Pauline. "Well now, have you heard +of Mr. Dalmain? He has had to go to town unexpectedly, on the 1.15 +train; and aunt has dropped her false teeth on her marble wash-stand +and must get to the dentist right away. So we go to town on the 2.30. +It's an uncertain world. It complicates one's plans, when they have to +depend on other people's teeth. But I would sooner break false teeth +than true hearts, any day. One can get the former mended, but I guess +no one can mend the latter. We are lunching early in our rooms; so I +wish you good-by, Miss Champion." +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap12"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XII +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE DOCTOR'S PRESCRIPTION +</H3> + +<P> +The Honourable Jane Champion stood on the summit of the Great Pyramid +and looked around her. The four exhausted Arabs whose exertions, +combined with her own activity, had placed her there, dropped in the +picturesque attitudes into which an Arab falls by nature. They had +hoisted the Honourable Jane's eleven stone ten from the bottom to the +top in record time, and now lay around, proud of their achievement and +sure of their "backsheesh." +</P> + +<P> +The whole thing had gone as if by clock-work. Two mahogany-coloured, +finely proportioned fellows, in scanty white garments, sprang with the +ease of antelopes to the top of a high step, turning to reach down +eagerly and seize Jane's upstretched hands. One remained behind, unseen +but indispensable, to lend timely aid at exactly the right moment. Then +came the apparently impossible task for Jane, of placing the sole of +her foot on the edge of a stone four feet above the one upon which she +was standing. It seemed rather like stepping up on to the drawing-room +mantelpiece. But encouraged by cries of "Eiwa! Eiwa!" she did it; when +instantly a voice behind said, "Tyeb!" two voices above shouted, +"Keteer!" the grip on her hands tightened, the Arab behind hoisted, and +Jane had stepped up, with an ease which surprised herself. As a matter +of fact, under those circumstances the impossible thing would have been +not to have stepped up. +</P> + +<P> +Arab number four was water-carrier, and offered water from a gourd at +intervals; and once, when Jane had to cry halt for a few minutes' +breathing space, Schehati, handsomest of all, and leader of the +enterprise, offered to recite English Shakespeare-poetry. This proved +to be: +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "Jack-an-Jill<BR> + Went uppy hill,<BR> + To fetchy paily water;<BR> + Jack fell down-an<BR> + Broke his crown-an<BR> + Jill came tumbling after."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +Jane had laughed; and Schehati, encouraged by the success of his +attempt to edify and amuse, used lines of the immortal nursery epic as +signals for united action during the remainder of the climb. Therefore +Jane mounted one step to the fact that Jack fell down, and scaled the +next to information as to the serious nature of his injuries, and at +the third, Schehati, bending over, confidentially mentioned in her ear, +while Ali shoved behind, that "Jill came tumbling after." +</P> + +<P> +The familiar words, heard under such novel circumstances, took on fresh +meaning. Jane commenced speculating as to whether the downfall of Jack +need necessarily have caused so complete a loss of self-control and +equilibrium on the part of Jill. Would she not have proved her devotion +better by bringing the mutual pail safely to the bottom of the hill, +and there attending to the wounds of her fallen hero? Jane, in her +time, had witnessed the tragic downfall of various delightful jacks, +and had herself ministered tenderly to their broken crowns; for in each +case the Jill had remained on the top of the hill, flirting with that +objectionable person of the name of Horner, whose cool, calculating way +of setting to work—so unlike poor Jack's headlong method—invariably +secured him the plum; upon which he remarked "What a good boy am I!" +and was usually taken at his own smug valuation. But Jane's entire +sympathy on these occasions was with the defeated lover, and more than +one Jack was now on his feet again, bravely facing life, because that +kind hand had been held out to him as he lay in his valley of +humiliation, and that comprehending sympathy had proved balm to his +broken crown. +</P> + +<P> +"Dickery, dickery, dock!" chanted Schehati solemnly, as he hauled +again; "Moses ran up the clock. The clock struck 'one'—" +</P> + +<P> +THE CLOCK STRUCK "ONE"?—It was nearly three years since that night at +Shenstone when the clock had struck "one," and Jane had arrived at her +decision,—the decision which precipitated her Jack from his Pisgah of +future promise. And yet—no. He had not fallen before the blow. He had +taken it erect, and his light step had been even firmer than usual as +he walked down the church and left her, after quietly and deliberately +accepting her decision. It was Jane herself, left alone, who fell +hopelessly over the pail. She shivered even now when she remembered how +its icy waters drenched her heart. Ah, what would have happened if +Garth had come back in answer to her cry during those first moments of +intolerable suffering and loneliness? But Garth was not the sort of man +who, when a door has been shut upon him, waits on the mat outside, +hoping to be recalled. When she put him from her, and he realised that +she meant it he passed completely out of her life. He was at the +railway station by the time she reached the house, and from that day to +this they had never met. Garth evidently considered the avoidance of +meetings to be his responsibility, and he never failed her in this. +Once or twice she went on a visit to houses where she knew him to be +staying. He always happened to have left that morning, if she arrived +in time for luncheon; or by an early afternoon train, if she was due +for tea. He never timed it so that there should be tragic passings of +each other, with set faces, at the railway stations; or a formal word +of greeting as she arrived and he departed,—just enough to awaken all +the slumbering pain and set people wondering. Jane remembered with +shame that this was the sort of picturesque tragedy she would have +expected from Garth Dalmain. But the man who had surprised her by his +dignified acquiescence in her decision, continued to surprise her by +the strength with which he silently accepted it as final and kept out +of her way. Jane had not probed the depth of the wound she had +inflicted. +</P> + +<P> +Never once was his departure connected, in the minds of others, with +her arrival. There was always some excellent and perfectly natural +reason why he had been obliged to leave, and he was openly talked of +and regretted, and Jane heard all the latest "Dal stories," and found +herself surrounded by the atmosphere of his exotic, beauty-loving +nature. And there was usually a girl—always the loveliest of the +party—confidentially pointed out to Jane, by the rest, as a certainty, +if only Dal had had another twenty-four hours of her society. But the +girl herself would appear quite heart-whole, only very full of an +evidently delightful friendship, expressing all Dal's ideas on art and +colour, as her own, and confidently happy in an assured sense of her +own loveliness and charm and power to please. Never did he leave behind +him traces which the woman who loved him regretted to find. But he was +always gone—irrevocably gone. Garth Dalmain was not the sort of man to +wait on the door-mat of a woman's indecision. +</P> + +<P> +Neither did this Jack of hers break his crown. His portrait of Pauline +Lister, painted six months after the Shenstone visit, had proved the +finest bit of work he had as yet accomplished. He had painted the +lovely American, in creamy white satin, standing on a dark oak +staircase, one hand resting on the balustrade, the other, full of +yellow roses, held out towards an unseen friend below. Behind and above +her shone a stained-glass window, centuries old, the arms, crest, and +mottoes of the noble family to whom the place belonged, shining thereon +in rose-coloured and golden glass. He had wonderfully caught the charm +and vivacity of the girl. She was gaily up-to-date, and frankly +American, from the crown of her queenly little head, to the point of +her satin shoe; and the suggestiveness of placing her in surroundings +which breathed an atmosphere of the best traditions of England's +ancient ancestral homes, the fearless wedding of the new world with the +old, the putting of this sparkling gem from the new into the beautiful +mellow setting of the old and there showing it at its best,—all this +was the making of the picture. People smiled, and said the painter had +done on canvas what he shortly intended doing in reality; but the tie +between artist and sitter never grew into anything closer than a +pleasant friendship, and it was the noble owner of the staircase and +window who eventually persuaded Miss Lister to remain in surroundings +which suited her so admirably. +</P> + +<P> +One story about that portrait Jane had heard discussed more than once +in circles where both were known. Pauline Lister had come to the first +sittings wearing her beautiful string of pearls, and Garth had painted +them wonderfully, spending hours over the delicate perfecting of each +separate gleaming drop. Suddenly one day he seized his palette-knife, +scraped the whole necklace off the canvas with a stroke and, declared +she must wear her rose-topazes in order to carry out his scheme of +colour. She was wearing her rose-topazes when Jane saw the picture in +the Academy, and very lovely they looked on the delicate whiteness of +her neck. But people who had seen Garth's painting of the pearls +maintained that that scrape of the palette-knife had destroyed work +which would have been the talk of the year. And Pauline Lister, just +after it had happened, was reported to have said, with a shrug of her +pretty shoulders: "Schemes of colour are all very well. But he scraped +my pearls off the canvas because some one who came in hummed a tune +while looking at the picture. I would be obliged if people who walk +around the studio while I am being painted will in future refrain from +humming tunes. I don't want him to scoop off my topazes and call for my +emeralds. Also I feel like offering a reward for the discovery of that +tune. I want to know what it has to do with my scheme of colour, +anyway." +</P> + +<P> +When Jane heard the story, she was spending a few days with the Brands +in Wimpole Street. It was told at tea, in Lady Brand's pretty boudoir. +The duchess's Concert, at which Garth had heard her sing THE ROSARY, +was a thing of the past. Nearly a year had elapsed since their final +parting, and this was the very first thought or word or sign of his +remembrance, which directly or indirectly, had come her way. She could +not doubt that the tune hummed had been THE ROSARY. +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "The hours I spent with thee, dear heart,<BR> + Are as a string of pearls to me;<BR> + I count them over, every one, apart."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +She seemed to hear Garth's voice on the terrace, as she heard it in +those first startled moments of realising the gift which was being laid +at her feet—"I have learned to count pearls, beloved." +</P> + +<P> +Jane's heart was growing cold and frozen in its emptiness. This +incident of the studio warmed and woke it for the moment, and with the +waking came sharp pain. When the visitors had left, and Lady Brand had +gone to the nursery, she walked over to the piano, sat down, and softly +played the accompaniment of "The Rosary." The fine unexpected chords, +full of discords working into harmony, seemed to suit her mood and her +memories. +</P> + +<P> +Suddenly a voice behind her said: "Sing it, Jane." She turned quickly. +The doctor had come in, and was lying back luxuriously in a large +arm-chair at her elbow, his hands clasped behind his head. "Sing it, +Jane," he said. +</P> + +<P> +"I can't, Deryck," she answered, still softly sounding the chords. "I +have not sung for months." +</P> + +<P> +"What has been the matter—for months?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane took her hands off the keys, and swung round impulsively. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, boy," she said. "I have made a bad mess of my life! And yet I know +I did right. I would do the same again; at least—at least, I hope I +would." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor sat in silence for a minute, looking at her and pondering +these short, quick sentences. Also he waited for more, knowing it would +come more easily if he waited silently. +</P> + +<P> +It came. +</P> + +<P> +"Boy—I gave up something, which was more than life itself to me, for +the sake of another, and I can't get over it. I know I did right, and +yet—I can't get over it." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor leaned forward and took the clenched hands between his. +</P> + +<P> +"Can you tell me about it, Jeanette?" +</P> + +<P> +"I can tell no one, Deryck; not even you." +</P> + +<P> +"If ever you find you must tell some one, Jane, will you promise to +come to me?" +</P> + +<P> +"Gladly." +</P> + +<P> +"Good! Now, my dear girl, here is a prescription for you. Go abroad. +And, mind, I do not mean by that, just to Paris and back, or +Switzerland this summer, and the Riviera in the autumn. Go to America +and see a few big things. See Niagara. And all your life afterwards, +when trivialities are trying you, you will love to let your mind go +back to the vast green mass of water sweeping over the falls; to the +thunderous roar, and the upward rush of spray; to the huge perpetual +onwardness of it all. You will like to remember, when you are bothering +about pouring water in and out of teacups, 'Niagara is flowing still.' +Stay in a hotel so near the falls that you can hear their great voice +night and day, thundering out themes of power and progress. Spend hours +walking round and viewing it from every point. Go to the Cave of the +Winds, across the frail bridges, where the guide will turn and shout to +you: 'Are your rings on tight?' Learn, in passing, the true meaning of +the Rock of Ages. Receive Niagara into your life and soul as a +possession, and thank God for it." +</P> + +<P> +"Then go in for other big things in America. Try spirituality and +humanity; love and life. Seek out Mrs. Ballington Booth, the great +'Little Mother' of all American prisoners. I know her well, I am proud +to say, and can give you a letter of introduction. Ask her to take you +with her to Sing-Sing, or to Columbus State Prison, and to let you hear +her address an audience of two thousand convicts, holding out to them +the gospel of hope and love,—her own inspired and inspiring belief in +fresh possibilities even for the most despairing." +</P> + +<P> +"Go to New York City and see how, when a man wants a big building and +has only a small plot of ground, he makes the most of that ground by +running his building up into the sky. Learn to do likewise.—And then, +when the great-souled, large-hearted, rapid-minded people of America +have waked you to enthusiasm with their bigness, go off to Japan and +see a little people nobly doing their best to become great.—Then to +Palestine, and spend months in tracing the footsteps of the greatest +human life ever lived. Take Egypt on your way home, just to remind +yourself that there are still, in this very modern world of ours, a few +passably ancient things,—a well-preserved wooden man, for instance, +with eyes of opaque white quartz, a piece of rock crystal in the centre +for a pupil. These glittering eyes looked out upon the world from +beneath their eyelids of bronze, in the time of Abraham. You will find +it in the museum at Cairo. Ride a donkey in the Mooskee if you want +real sport; and if you feel a little slack, climb the Great Pyramid. +Ask for an Arab named Schehati, and tell him you want to do it one +minute quicker than any lady has ever done it before." +</P> + +<P> +"Then come home, my dear girl, ring me up and ask for an appointment; +or chance it, and let Stoddart slip you into my consulting-room between +patients, and report how the prescription has worked. I never gave a +better; and you need not offer me a guinea! I attend old friends +gratis." +</P> + +<P> +Jane laughed, and gripped his hand. "Oh, boy," she said, "I believe you +are right. My whole ideas of life have been focussed on myself and my +own individual pains and losses. I will do as you say; and God bless +you for saying it.—Here comes Flower. Flower," she said, as the +doctor's wife trailed in, wearing a soft tea-gown, and turning on the +electric lights as she passed, "will this boy of ours ever grow old? +Here he is, seriously advising that a stout, middle-aged woman should +climb the Great Pyramid as a cure for depression, and do it in record +time!" +</P> + +<P> +"Darling," said the doctor's wife, seating herself on the arm of his +chair, "whom have you been seeing who is stout, or depressed, or +middle-aged? If you mean Mrs. Parker Bangs, she is not middle-aged, +because she is an American, and no American is ever middle-aged. And +she is only depressed because, even after painting her lovely niece's +portrait, Garth Dalmain has failed to propose to her. And it is no good +advising her to climb the Great Pyramid, though she is doing Egypt this +winter, because I heard her say yesterday that she should never think +of going up the pyramids until the children of Israel, or whoever the +natives are who live around those parts, have the sense to put an +elevator right up the centre." +</P> + +<P> +Jane and the doctor laughed, and Flower, settling herself more +comfortably, for the doctor's arm had stolen around her, said: "Jane, I +heard you playing THE ROSARY just now, such a favourite of mine, and it +is months since I heard it. Do sing it, dear." +</P> + +<P> +Jane met the doctor's eyes and smiled reassuringly; then turned without +any hesitation and did as Flower asked. The prescription had already +done her good. +</P> + +<P> +At the last words of the song the doctor's wife bent over and laid a +tender little kiss just above his temple, where the thick dark hair was +streaked with silver. But the doctor's mind was intent on Jane, and +before the final chords were struck he knew he had diagnosed her case +correctly. "But she had better go abroad," he thought. "It will take +her mind off herself altogether, giving her a larger view of things in +general, and a better proportioned view of things in particular. And +the boy won't change; or, if he does, Jane will be proved right, to her +own satisfaction. But, if this is HER side, good heavens, what must HIS +be! I had wondered what was sapping all his buoyant youthfulness. To +care for Jane would be an education; but to have made Jane care! And +then to have lost her! He must have nerves of steel, to be facing life +at all. What is this cross they are both learning to kiss, and holding +up between them? Perhaps Niagara will sweep it away, and she will cable +him from there." +</P> + +<P> +Then the doctor took the dear little hand resting on his shoulder and +kissed it softly, while Jane's back was still turned. For the doctor +had had past experience of the cross, and now the pearls were very +precious. +</P> + +<P> +So Jane took the prescription, and two years went by in the taking; and +here she was, on the top of the Great Pyramid, and, moreover, she had +done it in record time, and laughed as she thought of how she should +report the fact to Deryck. +</P> + +<P> +Her Arabs lay around, very hot and shiny, and content. Large backsheesh +was assured, and they looked up at her with pleased possessive eyes, as +an achievement of their own; hardly realising how large a part her +finely developed athletic powers and elastic limbs had played in the +speed of the ascent. +</P> + +<P> +And Jane stood there, sound in wind and limb, and with the exhilarating +sense, always helpful to the mind, of a bodily feat accomplished. +</P> + +<P> +She was looking her best in her Norfolk coat and skirt of brown tweed +with hints of green and orange in it, plenty of useful pockets piped +with leather, leather buttons, and a broad band of leather round the +bottom of the skirt. A connoisseur would have named at once the one and +only firm from which that costume could have come, and the hatter who +supplied the soft green Tyrolian hat—for Jane scorned pith +helmets—which matched it so admirably. But Schehati was no connoisseur +of clothing, though a pretty shrewd judge of ways and manners, and he +summed up Jane thus: "Nice gentleman-lady! Give good backsheesh, and +not sit down halfway and say: `No top'! But real lady-gentleman! Give +backsheesh with kind face, and not send poor Arab to Assouan." +</P> + +<P> +Jane was deeply tanned by the Eastern sun. Burning a splendid brown, +and enjoying the process, she had no need of veils or parasols; and her +strong eyes faced the golden light of the desert without the aid of +smoked glasses. She had once heard Garth remark that a sight which made +him feel really ill, was the back view of a woman in a motor-veil, and +Jane had laughingly agreed, for to her veils of any kind had always +seemed superfluous. The heavy coils of her brown hair never blew about +into fascinating little curls and wisps, but remained where, with a few +well-directed hairpins, she each morning solidly placed them. +</P> + +<P> +Jane had never looked better than she did on this March day, standing +on the summit of the Great Pyramid. Strong, brown, and well-knit, a +reliable mind in a capable body, the undeniable plainness of her face +redeemed by its kindly expression of interest and enjoyment; her wide, +pleasant smile revealing her fine white teeth, witnesses to her perfect +soundness and health, within and without. +</P> + +<P> +"Nice gentleman-lady," murmured Schehati again: and had Jane overheard +the remark it would not have offended her; for, though she held a +masculine woman only one degree less in abhorrence than an effeminate +man, she would have taken Schehati's compound noun as a tribute to the +fact that she was well-groomed and independent, knowing her own mind, +and, when she started out to go to a place, reaching it in the shortest +possible time, without fidget, fuss, or flurry. These three feminine +attributes were held in scorn by Jane, who knew herself so deeply +womanly that she could afford in minor ways to be frankly unfeminine. +</P> + +<P> +The doctor's prescription had worked admirably. That look of falling to +pieces and ageing prematurely—a general dilapidation of mind and +body—which it had grieved and startled him to see in Jane as she sat +before him on the music-stool, was gone completely. She looked a calm, +pleasant thirty; ready to go happily on, year by year, towards an +equally agreeable and delightful forty; and not afraid of fifty, when +that time should come. Her clear eyes looked frankly out upon the +world, and her sane mind formed sound opinions and pronounced fair +judgments, tempered by the kindliness of an unusually large and +generous heart. +</P> + +<P> +Just now she was considering the view and finding it very good. Its +strong contrasts held her. +</P> + +<P> +On one side lay the fertile Delta, with its groves of waving palm, +orange, and olive trees, growing in rich profusion on the banks of the +Nile, a broad band of gleaming silver. On the other, the Desert, with +its far-distant horizon, stretching away in undulations of golden sand; +not a tree, not a leaf, not a blade of grass, but boundless liberty, an +ocean of solid golden glory. For the sun was setting, and the sky +flamed into colour. +</P> + +<P> +"A parting of the ways," said Jane; "a place of choice. How difficult +to know which to choose—liberty or fruitfulness. One would have to +consult the Sphinx—wise old guardian of the ages, silent keeper of +Time's secrets, gazing on into the future as It has always gazed, while +future became present, and present glided into past.—Come, Schehati, +let us descend. Oh, yes, I will certainly sit upon the stone on which +the King sat when he was Prince of Wales. Thank you for mentioning it. +It will supply a delightful topic of conversation next time I am +honoured by a few minutes of his gracious Majesty's attention, and will +save me from floundering into trite remarks about the weather.—And now +take me to the Sphinx, Schehati. There is a question I would ask of It, +just as the sun dips below the horizon." +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap13"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XIII +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE ANSWER OF THE SPHINX +</H3> + +<P> +Moonlight in the desert. +</P> + +<P> +Jane ordered her after-dinner coffee on the piazza of the hotel, that +she might lose as little as possible of the mystic loveliness of the +night. The pyramids appeared so huge and solid, in the clear white +light; and the Sphinx gathered unto itself more mystery. +</P> + +<P> +Jane promised herself a stroll round by moonlight presently. Meanwhile +she lay back in a low wicker chair, comfortably upholstered, sipping +her coffee, and giving herself up to the sense of dreamy content which, +in a healthy body, is apt to follow vigorous exertion. +</P> + +<P> +Very tender and quiet thoughts of Garth came to her this evening, +perhaps brought about by the associations of moonlight. +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "The moon shines bright:—in such a night as this,<BR> + When the sweet wind did gently kiss the trees,<BR> + And they did make no noise—"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +Ah! the great poet knew the effect upon the heart of a vivid reminder +to the senses. Jane now passed beneath the spell. +</P> + +<P> +To begin with, Garth's voice seemed singing everywhere: +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "Enable with perpetual light<BR> + The dulness of our blinded sight."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +Then from out the deep blue and silvery light, Garth's dear adoring +eyes seemed watching her. Jane closed her own, to see them better. +To-night she did not feel like shrinking from them, they were so full +of love. +</P> + +<P> +No shade of critical regard was in them. Ah! had she wronged him with +her fears for the future? Her heart seemed full of trust to-night, full +of confidence in him and in herself. It seemed to her that if he were +here she could go out with him into this brilliant moonlight, seat +herself upon some ancient fallen stone, and let him kneel in front of +her and gaze and gaze in his persistent way, as much as he pleased. In +thought there seemed to-night no shrinking from those dear eyes. She +felt she would say: "It is all your own, Garth, to look at when you +will. For your sake, I could wish it beautiful; but if it is as you +like it, my own Dear, why should I hide it from you?" +</P> + +<P> +What had brought about this change of mind? Had Deryck's prescription +done its full work? Was this a saner point of view than the one she had +felt constrained to take when she arrived, through so much agony of +renunciation, at her decision? Instead of going up the Nile, and then +to Constantinople and Athens, should she take the steamer which sailed +from Alexandria to-morrow, be in London a week hence, send for Garth, +make full confession, and let him decide as to their future? +</P> + +<P> +That he loved her still, it never occurred to Jane to doubt. At the +very thought of sending for him and telling him the simple truth, he +seemed so near her once more, that she could feel the clasp of his +arms, and his head upon her heart. And those dear shining eyes! Oh, +Garth, Garth! +</P> + +<P> +"One thing is clear to me to-night," thought Jane. "If he still needs +me—wants me—I cannot live any longer away from him. I must go to +him." She opened her eyes and looked towards the Sphinx. The whole line +of reasoning which had carried such weight at Shenstone flashed through +her mind in twenty seconds. Then she closed her eyes again and clasped +her hands upon her bosom. +</P> + +<P> +"I will risk it," she said; and deep joy awoke within her heart. +</P> + +<P> +A party of English people came from the dining-room on to the piazza +with a clatter. They had arrived that evening and gone in late to +dinner. Jane had hardly noticed them,—a handsome woman and her +daughter, two young men, and an older man of military appearance. They +did not interest Jane, but they broke in upon her reverie; for they +seated themselves at a table near by and, in truly British fashion, +continued a loud-voiced conversation, as if no one else were present. +One or two foreigners, who had been peacefully dreaming over coffee and +cigarettes, rose and strolled away to quiet seats under the palm trees. +Jane would have done the same, but she really felt too comfortable to +move, and afraid of losing the sweet sense of Garth's nearness. So she +remained where she was. +</P> + +<P> +The elderly man held in his hand a letter and a copy of the MORNING +POST, just received from England. They were discussing news contained +in the letter and a paragraph he had been reading aloud from the paper. +</P> + +<P> +"Poor fellow! How too sad!" said the chaperon of the party. +</P> + +<P> +"I should think he would sooner have been killed outright!" exclaimed +the girl. "I know I would." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, no," said one of the young men, leaning towards her. "Life is +sweet, under any circumstances." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, but blind!" cried the young voice, with a shudder. "Quite blind +for the rest of one's life. Horrible!" +</P> + +<P> +"Was it his own gun?" asked the older woman. "And how came they to be +having a shooting party in March?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane smiled a fierce smile into the moonlight. Passionate love of +animal life, intense regard for all life, even of the tiniest insect, +was as much a religion with her as the worship of beauty was with +Garth. She never could pretend sorrow over these accounts of shooting +accidents, or falls in the hunting-field. When those who went out to +inflict cruel pain were hurt themselves; when those who went forth to +take eager, palpitating life, lost their own; it seemed to Jane a just +retribution. She felt no regret, and pretended none. So now she smiled +fiercely to herself, thinking: "One pair of eyes the less to look along +a gun and frustrate the despairing dash for home and little ones of a +terrified little mother rabbit. One hand that will never again change a +soaring upward flight of spreading wings, into an agonised mass of +falling feathers. One chance to the good, for the noble stag, as he +makes a brave run to join his hinds in the valley." +</P> + +<P> +Meanwhile the military-looking man had readjusted his eye-glasses and +was holding the sheets of a closely written letter to the light. +</P> + +<P> +"No," he said after a moment, "shooting parties are over. There is +nothing doing on the moors now. They were potting bunnies." +</P> + +<P> +"Was he shooting?" asked the girl. +</P> + +<P> +"No," replied the owner of the letter, "and that seems such hard luck. +He had given up shooting altogether a year or two ago. He never really +enjoyed it, because he so loved the beauty of life and hated death in +every form. He has a lovely place in the North, and was up there +painting. He happened to pass within sight of some fellows +rabbit-shooting, and saw what he considered cruelty to a wounded +rabbit. He vaulted over a gate to expostulate and to save the little +creature from further suffering. Then it happened. One of the lads, +apparently startled, let off his gun. The charge struck a tree a few +yards off, and the shot glanced. It did not strike him full. The face +is only slightly peppered and the brain quite uninjured. But shots +pierced the retina of each eye, and the sight is hopelessly gone." +</P> + +<P> +"Awful hard luck," said the young man. +</P> + +<P> +"I never can understand a chap not bein' keen on shootin'," said the +youth who had not yet spoken. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, but you would if you had known him," said the soldier. "He was so +full of life and vivid vitality. One could not imagine him either dying +or dealing death. And his love of the beautiful was almost a form of +religious worship. I can't explain it; but he had a way of making you +see beauty in things you had hardly noticed before. And now, poor chap, +he can't see them himself." +</P> + +<P> +"Has he a mother?" asked the older woman. +</P> + +<P> +"No, he has no one. He is absolutely alone. Scores of friends of +course; he was a most popular man about town, and could stay in almost +any house in the kingdom if he chose to send a post-card to say he was +coming. But no relations, I believe, and never would marry. Poor chap! +He will wish he had been less fastidious, now. He might have had the +pick of all the nicest girls, most seasons. But not he! Just charming +friendships, and wedded to his art. And now, as Lady Ingleby, says, he +lies in the dark, helpless and alone." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, do talk of something else!" cried the girl, pushing back her chair +and rising. "I want to forget it. It's too horribly sad. Fancy what it +must be to wake up and not know whether it is day or night, and to have +to lie in the dark and wonder. Oh, do come out and talk of something +cheerful." +</P> + +<P> +They all rose, and the young man slipped his hand through the girl's +arm, glad of the excuse her agitation provided. +</P> + +<P> +"Forget it, dear," he said softly. "Come on out and see the old Sphinx +by moonlight." +</P> + +<P> +They left the piazza, followed by the rest of the party; but the man to +whom the MORNING POST belonged laid it on the table and stayed behind, +lighting a cigar. +</P> + +<P> +Jane rose from her chair and came towards him. +</P> + +<P> +"May I look at your paper?" she said abruptly. +</P> + +<P> +"Certainly," he replied, with ready courtesy. Then, looking more +closely at her: "Why, certainly, Miss Champion. And how do you do? I +did not know you were in these parts." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, General Loraine! Your face seemed familiar, but I had not +recognised you, either. Thanks, I will borrow this if I may. And don't +let me keep you from your friends. We shall meet again by and by." +</P> + +<P> +Jane waited until the whole party had passed out of sight and until the +sound of their voices and laughter had died away in the distance. Then +she returned to her chair, the place where Garth had seemed so near. +She looked once more at the Sphinx and at the huge pyramid in the +moonlight. +</P> + +<P> +Then she took up the paper and opened it. +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "Enable with perpetual light<BR> + The dulness of our blinded sight."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +Yes—it was Garth Dalmain—HER Garth, of the adoring shining eyes—who +lay at his house in the North; blind, helpless, and alone. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap14"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XIV +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +IN DERYCK'S SAFE CONTROL +</H3> + +<P> +The white cliffs of Dover gradually became more solid and distinct, +until at length they rose from the sea, a strong white wall, emblem of +the undeniable purity of England, the stainless honour and integrity of +her throne, her church, her parliament, her courts of justice, and her +dealings at home and abroad, whether with friend or foe. "Strength and +whiteness," thought Jane as she paced the steamer's deck; and after a +two years' absence her heart went out to her native land. Then Dover +Castle caught her eye, so beautiful in the pearly light of that spring +afternoon. Her mind leaped to enjoyment, then fell back stunned by the +blow of quick remembrance, and Jane shut her eyes. +</P> + +<P> +All beautiful sights brought this pang to her heart since the reading +of that paragraph on the piazza of the Mena House Hotel. +</P> + +<P> +An hour after she had read it, she was driving down the long straight +road to Cairo; embarked at Alexandria the next day; landed at Brindisi, +and this night and day travelling had brought her at last within sight +of the shores of England. In a few minutes she would set foot upon +them, and then there would be but two more stages to her journey. For, +from the moment she started, Jane never doubted her ultimate +destination,—the room where pain and darkness and despair must be +waging so terrible a conflict against the moral courage, the mental +sanity, and the instinctive hold on life of the man she loved. +</P> + +<P> +That she was going to him, Jane knew; but she felt utterly unable to +arrange how or in what way her going could be managed. That it was a +complicated problem, her common sense told her; though her yearning +arms and aching bosom cried out: "O God, is it not simple? Blind and +alone! MY Garth!" +</P> + +<P> +But she knew an unbiased judgment, steadier than her own, must solve +the problem; and that her surest way to Garth lay through the doctor's +consulting-room. So she telegraphed to Deryck from Paris, and at +present her mind saw no further than Wimpole Street. +</P> + +<P> +At Dover she bought a paper, and hastily scanned its pages as she +walked along the platform in the wake of the capable porter who had +taken possession of her rugs and hand baggage. In the personal column +she found the very paragraph she sought. +</P> + +<P> +"We regret to announce that Mr. Garth Dalmain still lies in a most +precarious condition at his house on Deeside, Aberdeenshire, as a +result of the shooting accident a fortnight ago. His sight is +hopelessly gone, but the injured parts were progressing favourably, and +all fear of brain complications seemed over. During the last few days, +however, a serious reaction from shock has set in, and it has been +considered necessary to summon Sir Deryck Brand, the well-known nerve +specialist, in consultation with the oculist and the local practitioner +in charge of the case. There is a feeling of wide-spread regret and +sympathy in those social and artistic circles where Mr. Dalmain was so +well-known and so deservedly popular." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, thank you, m'lady," said the efficient porter when he had +ascertained, by a rapid glance into his palm, that Jane's half-crown +was not a penny. He had a sick young wife at home, who had been ordered +extra nourishment, and just as the rush on board began, he had put up a +simple prayer to the Heavenly Father "who knoweth that ye have need of +these things," asking that he might catch the eye of a generous +traveller. He felt he had indeed been "led" to this plain, brown-faced, +broad-shouldered lady, when he remembered how nearly, after her curt +nod from a distance had engaged him, he had responded to the +blandishments of a fussy little woman, with many more bags and rugs, +and a parrot cage, who was now doling French coppers out of the window +of the next compartment. "Seven pence 'apenny of this stuff ain't much +for carrying all that along, I DON'T think!" grumbled his mate; and +Jane's young porter experienced the double joy of faith confirmed, and +willing service generously rewarded. +</P> + +<P> +A telegraph boy walked along the train, saying: "Honrubble Jain +Champyun" at intervals. Jane heard her name, and her arm shot out of +the window. +</P> + +<P> +"Here, my boy! It is for me." +</P> + +<P> +She tore it open. It was from the doctor. +</P> + +<P> +"Welcome home. Just back from Scotland. Will meet you Charing Cross, +and give you all the time you want. Have coffee at Dover. DERYCK." +</P> + +<P> +Jane gave one hard, tearless sob of thankfulness and relief. She had +been so lonely. +</P> + +<P> +Then she turned to the window. "Here, somebody! Fetch me a cup of +coffee, will you?" +</P> + +<P> +Coffee was the last thing she wanted; but it never occurred to any one +to disobey the doctor, even at a distance. +</P> + +<P> +The young porter, who still stood sentry at the door of Jane's +compartment, dashed off to the refreshment room; and, just as the train +began to move, handed a cup of steaming coffee and a plate of +bread-and-butter in at the window. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, thank you, my good fellow," said Jane, putting the plate on the +seat, while she dived into her pocket. "Here! you have done very well +for me. No, never mind the change. Coffee at a moment's notice should +fetch a fancy price. Good-bye." +</P> + +<P> +The train moved on, and the porter stood looking after it with tears in +his eyes. Over the first half-crown he had said to himself: "Milk and +new-laid eggs." Now, as he pocketed the second, he added the other two +things mentioned by the parish doctor: "Soup and jelly"; and his heart +glowed. "Your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of these +things." +</P> + +<P> +And Jane, seated in a comfortable corner, choked back the tears of +relief which threatened to fall, drank her coffee, and was thereby more +revived than she could have thought possible. She, also, had need of +many things. Not of half-crowns; of those she had plenty. But above all +else she needed just now a wise, strong, helpful friend, and Deryck had +not failed her. +</P> + +<P> +She read his telegram through once more, and smiled. How like him to +think of the coffee; and oh, how like him to be coming to the station. +</P> + +<P> +She took off her hat and leaned back against the cushions. She had been +travelling night and day, in one feverish whirl of haste, and at last +she had brought herself within reach of Deryck's hand and Deryck's safe +control. The turmoil of her soul was stilled; a great calm took its +place, and Jane dropped quietly off to sleep. "Your heavenly Father +knoweth that ye have need of these things." +</P> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<P> +Washed and brushed and greatly refreshed, Jane stood at the window of +her compartment as the train steamed into Charing Cross. +</P> + +<P> +The doctor was stationed exactly opposite the door when her carriage +came to a standstill; mere chance, and yet, to Jane, it seemed so like +him to have taken up his position precisely at the right spot on that +long platform. An enthusiastic lady patient had once said of Deryck +Brand, with more accuracy of definition than of grammar: "You know, he +is always so very JUST THERE." And this characteristic of the doctor +had made him to many a very present help in time of trouble. +</P> + +<P> +He was through the line of porters and had his hand upon the handle of +Jane's door in a moment. Standing at the window, she took one look at +the firm lean face, now alight with welcome, and read in the kind, +steadfast eyes of her childhood's friend a perfect sympathy and +comprehension. Then she saw behind him her aunt's footman, and her own +maid, who had been given a place in the duchess's household. In another +moment she was on the platform and her hand was in Deryck's. +</P> + +<P> +"That is right, dear," he said. "All fit and well, I can see. Now hand +over your keys. I suppose you have nothing contraband? I telephoned the +duchess to send some of her people to meet your luggage, and not to +expect you herself until dinner time, as you were taking tea with us. +Was that right? This way. Come outside the barrier. What a rabble! All +wanting to break every possible rule and regulation, and each trying to +be the first person in the front row. Really the patience and good +temper of railway officials should teach the rest of mankind a lesson." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor, talking all the time, piloted Jane through the crowd; +opened the door of a neat electric brougham, helped her in, took his +seat beside her, and they glided swiftly out into the Strand, and +turned towards Trafalgar Square. +</P> + +<P> +"Well," said the doctor, "Niagara is a big thing isn't it? When people +say to me, 'Were you not disappointed in Niagara? WE were!' I feel +tempted to wish, for one homicidal moment, that the earth would open +her mouth and swallow them up. People who can be disappointed in +Niagara, and talk about it, should no longer be allowed to crawl on the +face of the earth. And how about the 'Little Mother'? Isn't she worth +knowing? I hope she sent me her love. And New York harbour! Did you +ever see anything to equal it, as you steam away in the sunset?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane gave a sudden sob; then turned to him, dry-eyed. +</P> + +<P> +"Is there no hope, Deryck?" +</P> + +<P> +The doctor laid his hand on hers. "He will always be blind, dear. But +life holds other things beside sight. We must never say: 'No hope.'" +</P> + +<P> +"Will he live?" +</P> + +<P> +"There is no reason he should not live. But how far life will be worth +living, largely depends upon what can be done for him, poor chap, +during the next few months. He is more shattered mentally than +physically." +</P> + +<P> +Jane pulled off her gloves, swallowed suddenly, then gripped the +doctor's knee. "Deryck—I love him." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor remained silent for a few moments, as if pondering this +tremendous fact. Then he lifted the fine, capable hand resting upon his +knee and kissed it with a beautiful reverence,—a gesture expressing +the homage of the man to the brave truthfulness of the woman. +</P> + +<P> +"In that case, dear," he said, "the future holds in store so great a +good for Garth Dalmain that I think he may dispense with sight.— +Meanwhile you have much to say to me, and it is, of course, your right +to hear every detail of his case that I can give. And here we are at +Wimpole Street. Now come into my consulting-room. Stoddart has orders +that we are on no account to be disturbed." +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap15"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XV +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE CONSULTATION +</H3> + +<P> +The doctor's room was very quiet. Jane leaned back in his dark green +leather arm-chair, her feet on a footstool, her hands gripping the arms +on either side. +</P> + +<P> +The doctor sat at his table, in the round pivot-chair he always +used,—a chair which enabled him to swing round suddenly and face a +patient, or to turn away very quietly and bend over his table. +</P> + +<P> +Just now he was not looking at Jane. He had been giving her a detailed +account of his visit to Castle Gleneesh, which he had left only on the +previous evening. He had spent five hours with Garth. It seemed kindest +to tell her all; but he was looking straight before him as he talked, +because he knew that at last the tears were running unchecked down +Jane's cheeks, and he wished her to think he did not notice them. +</P> + +<P> +"You understand, dear," he was saying, "the actual wounds are going on +well. Strangely enough, though the retina of each eye was pierced, and +the sight is irrecoverably gone, there was very little damage done to +surrounding parts, and the brain is quite uninjured. The present danger +arises from the shock to the nervous system and from the extreme mental +anguish caused by the realisation of his loss. The physical suffering +during the first days and nights must have been terrible. Poor fellow, +he looks shattered by it. But his constitution is excellent, and his +life has been so clean, healthy, and normal, that he had every chance +of making a good recovery, were it not that as the pain abated and his +blindness became more a thing to be daily and hourly realised, his +mental torture was so excessive. Sight has meant so infinitely much to +him,—beauty of form, beauty of colour. The artist in him was so +all-pervading. They tell me he said very little. He is a brave man and +a strong one. But his temperature began to vary alarmingly; he showed +symptoms of mental trouble, of which I need not give you technical +details; and a nerve specialist seemed more necessary than an oculist. +Therefore he is now in my hands." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor paused, straightened a few books lying on the table, and +drew a small bowl of violets closer to him. He studied these +attentively for a few moments, then put them back where his wife had +placed them and went on speaking. +</P> + +<P> +"I am satisfied on the whole. He needed a friendly voice to penetrate +the darkness. He needed a hand to grasp his, in faithful comprehension. +He did not want pity, and those who talked of his loss without +understanding it, or being able to measure its immensity, maddened him. +He needed a fellow-man to come to him and say: 'It is a fight—an +awful, desperate fight. But by God's grace you will win through to +victory. It would be far easier to die; but to die would be to lose; +you must live to win. It is utterly beyond all human strength; but by +God's grace you will come through conqueror.' All this I said to him, +Jeanette, and a good deal more; and then a strangely beautiful thing +happened. I can tell you, and of course I could tell Flower, but to no +one else on earth would I repeat it. The difficulty had been to obtain +from him any response whatever. He did not seem able to rouse +sufficiently to notice anything going on around him. But those words, +'by God's grace,' appeared to take hold of him and find immediate echo +in his inner consciousness. I heard him repeat them once or twice, and +then change them to 'with the abundance of Thy grace.' Then he turned +his head slowly on the pillow, and what one could see of his face +seemed transformed. He said: 'Now I remember it, and the music is +this'; and his hands moved on the bedclothes, as if forming chords. +Then, in a very low voice, but quite clearly, he repeated the second +verse of the VENI, CREATOR SPIRITUS. I knew it, because I used to sing +it as a chorister in my father's church at home. You remember?" +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "'Enable with perpetual light<BR> + The dulness of our blinded sight.<BR> + Anoint and cheer our soiled face<BR> + With the abundance of Thy grace.<BR> + Keep far our foes; give peace at home;<BR> + Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come.'"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +"It was the most touching thing I ever heard." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor paused, for Jane had buried her face in her hands and was +sobbing convulsively. When her sobs grew less violent, the doctor's +quiet voice continued: "You see, this gave me something to go upon. +When a crash such as this happens, all a man has left to hold on to is +his religion. According as his spiritual side has been developed, will +his physical side stand the strain. Dalmain has more of the real thing +than any one would think who only knew him superficially. Well, after +that we talked quite definitely, and I persuaded him to agree to one or +two important arrangements. You know, he has no relations of his own, +to speak of; just a few cousins, who have never been very friendly. He +is quite alone up there; for, though he has hosts of friends, this is a +time when friends would have to be very intimate to be admitted; and +though he seemed so boyish and easy to know, I begin to doubt whether +any of us knew the real Garth—the soul of the man, deep down beneath +the surface." +</P> + +<P> +Jane lifted her head. "I did," she said simply. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah," said the doctor, "I see. Well, as I said, ordinary friends could +not be admitted. Lady Ingleby went, in her sweet impulsive way, without +letting them know she was coming; travelled all the way up from +Shenstone with no maid, and nothing but a handbag, and arrived at the +door in a fly. Robert Mackenzie, the local medical man, who is an +inveterate misogynist, feared at first she was an unsuspected wife of +Dal's. He seemed to think unannounced ladies arriving in hired vehicles +must necessarily turn out to be undesirable wives. I gather they had a +somewhat funny scene. But Lady Ingleby soon got round old Robbie, and +came near to charming him—as whom does she not? But of course they did +not dare let her into Dal's room; so her ministry of consolation +appears to have consisted in letting Dal's old housekeeper weep on her +beautiful shoulder. It was somewhat of a comedy, hearing about it, when +one happened to know them all, better than they knew each other. But to +return to practical details. He has had a fully trained male nurse and +his own valet to wait on him. He absolutely refused one of our London +hospital nurses, who might have brought a little gentle comfort and +womanly sympathy to his sick-room. He said he could not stand being +touched by a woman; so there it remained. A competent man was found +instead. But we can now dispense with him, and I have insisted upon +sending up a lady nurse of my own choosing; not so much to wait on him, +or do any of a sick-nurse's ordinary duties—his own man can do these, +and he seems a capable fellow—but to sit with him, read to him, attend +to his correspondence,—there are piles of unopened letters he ought to +hear,—in fact help him to take up life again in his blindness. It will +need training; it will require tact; and this afternoon I engaged +exactly the right person. She is a gentlewoman by birth, has nursed for +me before, and is well up in the special knowledge of mental things +which this case requires. Also she is a pretty, dainty little thing; +just the kind of elegant young woman poor Dal would have liked to have +about him when he could see. He was such a fastidious chap about +appearances, and such a connoisseur of good looks. I have written a +descriptive account of her to Dr. Mackenzie, and he will prepare his +patient for her arrival. She is to go up the day after to-morrow. We +are lucky to get her, for she is quite first-rate, and she has only +just finished with a long consumptive case, now on the mend and ordered +abroad. So you see, Jeanette, all is shaping well.—And now, my dear +girl, you have a story of your own to tell me, and my whole attention +shall be at your disposal. But first of all I am going to ring for tea, +and you and I will have it quietly down here, if you will excuse me for +a few minutes while I go upstairs and speak to Flower." +</P> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<P> +It seemed so natural to Jane to be pouring out the doctor's tea, and to +watch him putting a liberal allowance of salt on the thin +bread-and-butter, and then folding it over with the careful accuracy +which had always characterised his smallest action. In the essentials +he had changed so little since the days when as a youth of twenty +spending his vacations at the rectory he used to give the lonely girl +at the manor so much pleasure by coming up to her school-room tea; and +when it proved possible to dispose of her governess's chaperonage and +be by themselves, what delightful times they used to have, sitting on +the hearth-rug, roasting chestnuts and discussing the many subjects +which were of mutual interest. Jane could still remember the painful +pleasure of turning hot chestnuts on the bars with her fingers, and how +she hastened to do them herself, lest he should be burned. She had +always secretly liked and admired his hands, with the brown thin +fingers, so delicate in their touch and yet full of such gentle +strength. She used to love watching them while he sharpened her pencils +or drew wonderful diagrams in her exercise books; thinking how in years +to come, when he performed important operations, human lives would +depend upon their skill and dexterity. In those early years he had +seemed so much older than she. And then came the time when she shot up +rapidly into young womanhood and their eyes were on a level and their +ages seemed the same. Then, as the years went on, Jane began to feel +older than he, and took to calling him "Boy" to emphasise this fact. +And then came—Flower;—and complications. And Jane had to see his face +grow thin and worn, and his hair whiten on the temples. And she yearned +over him, yet dared not offer sympathy. At last things came right for +the doctor, and all the highest good seemed his; in his profession; in +his standing among men; and, above all, in his heart life, which Flower +had always held between her two sweet hands. And Jane rejoiced, but +felt still more lonely now she had no companion in loneliness. And +still their friendship held, with Flower admitted as a third—a +wistful, grateful third, anxious to learn from the woman whose +friendship meant so much to her husband, how to succeed where she had +hitherto failed. And Jane's faithful heart was generous and loyal to +both, though in sight of their perfect happiness her loneliness grew. +</P> + +<P> +And now, in her own hour of need, it had to be Deryck only; and the +doctor knew this, and had arranged accordingly; for at last his chance +had come, to repay the faithful devotion of a lifetime. The +conversation of that afternoon would be the supreme test of their +friendship. And so, with a specialist's appreciation of the mental +effect of the most trivial external details, the doctor had ordered +muffins, and a kettle on the fire, and had asked Jane to make the tea. +</P> + +<P> +By the time the kettle boiled, they had remembered the chestnuts, and +were laughing about poor old Fraulein's efforts to keep them in order, +and the strategies by which they used to evade her vigilance. And the +years rolled back, and Jane felt herself very much at home with the +chum of her childhood. +</P> + +<P> +Nevertheless, there was a moment of tension when the doctor drew back +the tea-table and they faced each other in easy-chairs on either side +of the fireplace. Each noticed how characteristic was the attitude of +the other. +</P> + +<P> +Jane sat forward, her feet firmly planted on the hearth-rug, her arms +on her knees, and her hands clasped in front of her. +</P> + +<P> +The doctor leaned back, one knee crossed over the other, his elbows on +the arms of his chair, the tips of his fingers meeting, in absolute +stillness of body and intense concentration of mind. +</P> + +<P> +The silence between them was like a deep, calm pool. +</P> + +<P> +Jane took the first plunge. +</P> + +<P> +"Deryck, I am going to tell you everything. I am going to speak of my +heart, and mind, and feelings, exactly as if they were bones, and +muscles, and lungs. I want you to combine the offices of doctor and +confessor in one." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor had been contemplating his finger-tips. He now glanced +swiftly at Jane, and nodded; then turned his head and looked into the +fire. +</P> + +<P> +"Deryck, mine has been a somewhat lonely existence. I have never been +essential to the life of another, and no one has ever touched the real +depths of mine. I have known they were there, but I have known they +were unsounded." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor opened his lips, as if to speak; then closed them in a +firmer line than before, and merely nodded his head silently. +</P> + +<P> +"I had never been loved with that love which makes one absolutely first +to a person, nor had I ever so loved. I had—cared very much; but +caring is not loving.—Oh, Boy, I know that now!" +</P> + +<P> +The doctor's profile showed rather white against the dark-green +background of his chair; but he smiled as he answered: "Quite true, +dear. There is a distinction, and a difference." +</P> + +<P> +"I had heaps of friends, and amongst them a good many nice men, mostly +rather younger than myself, who called me 'Miss Champion.' to my face, +and 'good old Jane' behind my back." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor smiled. He had as often heard the expression, and could +recall the whole-hearted affection and admiration in the tones of those +who used it. +</P> + +<P> +"Men as a rule," Continued Jane, "get on better with me than do women. +Being large and solid, and usually calling a spade 'a spade;' and not +'a garden implement,' women consider me strong-minded, and are inclined +to be afraid of me. The boys know they can trust me; they make a +confidante of me, looking upon me as a sort of convenient elder sister +who knows less about them than an elder sister would know, and is +probably more ready to be interested in those things which they choose +to tell. Among my men friends, Deryck, was Garth Dalmain." +</P> + +<P> +Jane paused, and the doctor waited silently for her to continue. +</P> + +<P> +"I was always interested in him, partly because he was so original and +vivid in his way of talking, and partly because"—a bright flush +suddenly crept up into the tanned cheeks-"well, though I did not +realise it then, I suppose I found his extraordinary beauty rather +fascinating. And then, our circumstances were so much alike,—both +orphans, and well off; responsible to no one for our actions; with +heaps of mutual friends, and constantly staying at the same houses. We +drifted into a pleasant intimacy, and of all my friends, he was the one +who made me feel most like `a man and a brother.' We discussed women by +the dozen, all his special admirations in turn, and the effect of their +beauty upon him, and I watched with interest to see who, at last, would +fix his roving fancy. But on one eventful day all this was changed in +half an hour. We were both staying at Overdene. There was a big house +party, and Aunt Georgina had arranged a concert to which half the +neighbourhood was coming. Madame Velma failed at the last minute. Aunt +'Gina, in a great state of mind, was borrowing remarks from her macaw. +You know how? She always says she is merely quoting `the dear bird.' +Something had to be done. I offered to take Velma's place; and I sang." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah," said the doctor. +</P> + +<P> +"I sang The Rosary—the song Flower asked for the last time I was here. +Do you remember?" +</P> + +<P> +The doctor nodded. "I remember." +</P> + +<P> +"After that, all was changed between Garth and me. I did not understand +it at first. I knew the music had moved him deeply, beauty of sound +having upon him much the same effect as beauty of colour; but I thought +the effect would pass in the night. But the days went on, and there was +always this strange sweet difference; not anything others would notice; +but I suddenly became conscious that, for the first time in my whole +life, I was essential to somebody. I could not enter a room without +realising that he was instantly aware of my presence; I could not leave +a room without knowing that he would at once feel and regret my +absence. The one fact filled and completed all things; the other left a +blank which could not be removed. I knew this, and yet—incredible +though it may appear—I did not realise it meant LOVE. I thought it was +an extraordinarily close bond of sympathy and mutual understanding, +brought about principally by our enjoyment of one another's music. We +spent hours in the music-room. I put it down to that; yet when he +looked at me his eyes seemed to touch as well as see me, and it was a +very tender and wonderful touch. And all the while I never thought of +love. I was so plain and almost middle-aged; and he, such a beautiful, +radiant youth. He was like a young sun-god, and I felt warmed and +vivified when he was near; and he was almost always near. Honestly, +that was my side of the days succeeding the concert. But HIS! He told +me afterwards, Deryck, it had been a sudden revelation to him when he +heard me sing The Rosary, not of music only, but of ME. He said he had +never thought of me otherwise than as a good sort of chum; but then it +was as if a veil were lifted, and he saw, and knew, and felt me as a +woman. And—no doubt it will seem odd to you. Boy; it did to me;—but +he said, that the woman he found then was his ideal of womanhood, and +that from that hour he wanted me for his own as he had never wanted +anything before." +</P> + +<P> +Jane paused, and looked into the glowing heart of the fire. +</P> + +<P> +The doctor turned slowly and looked at Jane. He himself had experienced +the intense attraction of her womanliness,—all the more overpowering +when it was realised, because it did not appear upon the surface. He +had sensed the strong mother-tenderness lying dormant within her; had +known that her arms would prove a haven of refuge, her bosom a soothing +pillow, her love a consolation unspeakable. In his own days of +loneliness and disappointment, the doctor had had to flee from this in +Jane,—a precious gift, so easy to have taken because of her very +ignorance of it; but a gift to which he had no right. Thus the doctor +could well understand the hold it would gain upon a man who had +discovered it, and who was free to win it for his own. +</P> + +<P> +But he only said, "I do not think it odd, dear." +</P> + +<P> +Jane had forgotten the doctor. She came back promptly from the glowing +heart of the fire. +</P> + +<P> +"I am glad you don't," she said. "I did.—well, we both left Overdene +on the same day. I came to you; he went to Shenstone. It was a Tuesday. +On the Friday I went down to Shenstone, and we met again. Having been +apart for a little while seemed to make this curious feeling of +`togetherness,' deeper and sweeter than ever. In the Shenstone house +party was that lovely American girl, Pauline Lister. Garth was +enthusiastic about her beauty, and set on painting her. Everybody made +sure he was going to propose to her. Deryck, I thought so, too; in fact +I had advised him to do it. I felt so pleased and interested over it, +though all the while his eyes touched me when he looked at me, and I +knew the day did not begin for him until we had met, and was over when +we had said good-night. And this experience of being first and most to +him made everything so golden, and life so rich, and still I thought of +it only as an unusually delightful friendship. But the evening of my +arrival at Shenstone he asked me to come out on to the terrace after +dinner, as he wanted specially to talk to me. Deryck, I thought it was +the usual proceeding of making a confidante of me, and that I was to +hear details of his intentions regarding Miss Lister. Thinking that, I +walked calmly out beside him; sat down on the parapet, in the brilliant +moonlight, and quietly waited for him to begin. Then—oh, Deryck! It +happened." +</P> + +<P> +Jane put her elbows on her knees, and buried her face in her clasped +hands. +</P> + +<P> +"I cannot tell you—details. His love—it just poured over me like +molten gold. It melted the shell of my reserve; it burst through the +ice of my convictions; it swept me off my feet upon a torrent of +wondrous fire. I knew nothing in heaven or earth but that this love was +mine, and was for me. And then—oh, Deryck! I can't explain—I don't +know myself how it happened—but this whirlwind of emotion came to rest +upon my heart. He knelt with his arms around me, and we held each other +in a sudden great stillness; and in that moment I was all his, and he +knew it. He might have stayed there hours if he had not moved or +spoken; but presently he lifted up his face and looked at me. Then he +said two words. I can't repeat them, Boy; but they brought me suddenly +to my senses, and made me realise what it all meant. Garth Dalmain +wanted me to marry him." +</P> + +<P> +Jane paused, awaiting the doctor's expression of surprise. +</P> + +<P> +"What else could it have meant?" said Deryck Brand, very quietly. He +passed his hand over his lips, knowing they trembled a little. Jane's +confessions were giving him a stiffer time than he had expected. "Well, +dear, so you—?" +</P> + +<P> +"I stood up," said Jane; "for while he knelt there he was master of me, +mind and body; and some instinct told me that if I were to be won to +wifehood, my reason must say `yes' before the rest of me. It is +`spirit, soul, and body' in the Word, not `body, soul, and spirit,' as +is so often misquoted; and I believe the inspired sequence to be the +right one." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor made a quick movement of interest. "Good heavens, Jane!" he +said. "You have got hold of a truth there, and you have expressed it +exactly as I have often wanted to express it without being able to find +the right words. You have found them, Jeanette." +</P> + +<P> +She looked into his eager eyes and smiled sadly. "Have I, Boy?" she +said. "Well, they have cost me dear.—I put my lover from me and told +him I must have twelve hours for calm reflection. He was so sure—so +sure of me, so sure of himself—that he agreed without a protest. At my +request he left me at once. The manner of his going I cannot tell, even +to you, Dicky. I promised to meet him at the village church next day +and give him my answer. He was to try the new organ at eleven. We knew +we should be alone. I came. He sent away the blower. He called me to +him at the chancel step. The setting was so perfect. The artist in him +sang for joy, and thrilled with expectation. The glory of absolute +certainty was in his eyes; though he had himself well in hand. He kept +from touching me while he asked for my answer. Then—I refused him, +point blank, giving a reason he could not question. He turned from me +and left the church, and I have not spoken to him from that day to +this." +</P> + +<P> +A long silence in the doctor's consulting-room. One manly heart was +entering into the pain of another, and yet striving not to be indignant +until he knew the whole truth. +</P> + +<P> +Jane's spirit was strung up to the same pitch as in that fateful hour, +and once more she thought herself right. +</P> + +<P> +At last the doctor spoke. He looked at her searchingly now, and held +her eyes. +</P> + +<P> +"And why did you refuse him, Jane?" The kind voice was rather stern. +</P> + +<P> +Jane put out her hands to him appealingly. "Ah, Boy, I must make you +understand! How could I do otherwise, though, indeed, it was putting +away the highest good life will ever hold for me? Deryck, you know +Garth well enough to realise how dependent he is on beauty; he must be +surrounded by it, perpetually. Before this unaccountable need of each +other came to us he had talked to me quite freely on this point, saying +of a plain person whose character and gifts he greatly admired, and +whose face he grew to like in consequence: 'But of course it was not +the sort of face one would have wanted to live with, or to have day +after day opposite to one at table; but then one was not called to that +sort of discipline, which would be martyrdom to me.' Oh, Deryck! Could +I have tied Garth to my plain face? Could I have let myself become a +daily, hourly discipline to that radiant, beauty-loving nature? I know +they say, 'Love is blind.' But that is before Love has entered into his +kingdom. Love desirous, sees only that, in the one beloved, which has +awakened the desire. But Love content, regains full vision, and, as +time goes on, those powers of vision increase and become, by means of +daily, hourly, use,—microscopic and telescopic. Wedded love is not +blind. Bah! An outsider staying with married people is apt to hear what +love sees, on both sides, and the delusion of love's blindness is +dispelled forever. I know Garth was blind, during all those golden +days, to my utter lack of beauty, because he wanted ME so much. But +when he had had me, and had steeped himself in all I have to give of +soul and spirit beauty; when the daily routine of life began, which +after all has to be lived in complexions, and with features to the +fore; when he sat down to breakfast and I saw him glance at me and then +look away, when I was conscious that I was sitting behind the +coffee-pot, looking my very plainest, and that in consequence my boy's +discipline had begun; could I have borne it? Should I not, in the +miserable sense of failing him day by day, through no fault of my own, +have grown plainer and plainer; until bitterness and disappointment, +and perhaps jealousy, all combined to make me positively ugly? I ask +you, Deryck, could I have borne it?" +</P> + +<P> +The doctor was looking at Jane with an expression of keen professional +interest. +</P> + +<P> +"How awfully well I diagnosed the case when I sent you abroad," he +remarked meditatively. "Really, with so little data to go upon—" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Boy," cried Jane, with a movement of impatience, "don't speak to +me as if I were a patient. Treat me as a human being, at least, and +tell me—as man to man—could I have tied Garth Dalmain to my plain +face? For you know it is plain." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor laughed. He was glad to make Jane a little angry. "My dear +girl," he said, "were we speaking as man to man, I should have a few +very strong things to say to you. As we are speaking as man to +woman,—and as a man who has for a very long time respected, honoured, +and admired a very dear and noble woman,—I will answer your question +frankly. You are not beautiful, in the ordinary acceptation of the +word, and no one who really loves you would answer otherwise; because +no one who knows and loves you would dream of telling you a lie. We +will even allow, if you like, that you are plain, although I know half +a dozen young men who, were they here, would want to kick me into the +street for saying so, and I should have to pretend in self-defence that +their ears had played them false and I had said, 'You are JANE,' which +is all they would consider mattered. So long as you are yourself, your +friends will be well content. At the same time, I may add, while this +dear face is under discussion, that I can look back to times when I +have felt that I would gladly walk twenty miles for a sight of it; and +in its absence I have always wished it present, and in its presence I +have never wished it away." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, but, Deryck, you did not have to have it always opposite you at +meals," insisted Jane gravely. +</P> + +<P> +"Unfortunately not. But I enjoyed the meals more on the happy occasions +when it was there." +</P> + +<P> +"And, Deryck—YOU DID NOT HAVE TO KISS IT." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor threw back his head and shouted with laughter, so that +Flower, passing up the stairs, wondered what turn the conversation +could be taking. +</P> + +<P> +But Jane was quite serious; and saw in it no laughing matter. +</P> + +<P> +"No, dear," said the doctor when he had recovered; "to my infinite +credit be it recorded, that in all the years I have known it I have +never once kissed it." +</P> + +<P> +"Dicky, don't tease! Oh, Boy, it is the most vital question of my whole +life; and if you do not now give me wise and thoughtful advice, all +this difficult confession will have been for nothing." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor became grave immediately. He leaned forward and took those +clasped hands between his. +</P> + +<P> +"Dear," he said, "forgive me if I seemed to take it lightly. My most +earnest thought is wholly at your disposal. And now let me ask you a +few questions. How did you ever succeed in convincing Dalmain that such +a thing as this was an insuperable obstacle to your marriage?" +</P> + +<P> +"I did not give it as a reason." +</P> + +<P> +"What then did you give as your reason for refusing him?" +</P> + +<P> +"I asked him how old he was." +</P> + +<P> +"Jane! Standing there beside him in the chancel, where he had come +awaiting your answer?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes. It did seem awful when I came to think it over afterwards. But it +worked." +</P> + +<P> +"I have no doubt it worked. What then?" +</P> + +<P> +"He said he was twenty-seven. I said I was thirty, and looked +thirty-five, and felt forty. I also said he might be twenty-seven, but +he looked nineteen, and I was sure he often felt nine." +</P> + +<P> +"Well?" +</P> + +<P> +"Then I said that I could not marry a mere boy." +</P> + +<P> +"And he acquiesced?" +</P> + +<P> +"He seemed stunned at first. Then he said of course I could not marry +him if I considered him that. He said it was the first time he had +given a thought to himself in the matter. Then he said he bowed to my +decision, and he walked down the church and went out, and we have not +met since." +</P> + +<P> +"Jane," said the doctor, "I wonder he did not see through it. You are +so unused to lying, that you cannot have lied, on the chancel step, to +the man you loved, with much conviction." +</P> + +<P> +A dull red crept up beneath Jane's tan. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Deryck, it was not entirely a lie. It was one of those dreadful +lies which are 'part a truth,' of which Tennyson says that they are 'a +harder matter to fight.'" +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "'A lie which is all a lie<BR> + May be met and fought with outright;<BR> + But a lie which is part a truth<BR> + Is a harder matter to fight,'"<BR> +</P> + +<P CLASS="noindent"> +quoted the doctor. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said Jane. "And he could not fight this, just because it was +partly true. He is younger than I by three years, and still more by +temperament. It was partly for his delightful youthfulness that I +feared my maturity and staidness. It was part a truth, but oh, Deryck, +it was more a lie; and it was altogether a lie to call him—the man +whom I had felt complete master of me the evening before—'a mere boy.' +Also he could not fight it because it took him so utterly by surprise. +He had been all the time as completely without self-consciousness, as I +had been morbidly full of it. His whole thought had been of me. Mine +had been of him and—of myself." +</P> + +<P> +"Jane," said the doctor, "of all that you have suffered since that +hour, you deserved every pang." +</P> + +<P> +Jane bent her head. "I know," she said. +</P> + +<P> +"You were false to yourself, and not true to your lover. You robbed and +defrauded both. Cannot you now see your mistake? To take it on the +lowest ground, Dalmain, worshipper of beauty as he was, had had a +surfeit of pretty faces. He was like the confectioner's boy who when +first engaged is allowed to eat all the cakes and sweets he likes, and +who eats so many in the first week, that ever after he wants only plain +bread-and-butter. YOU were Dal's bread-and-butter. I am sorry if you do +not like the simile." +</P> + +<P> +Jane smiled. "I do like the simile," she said. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, but you were far more than this, my dear girl. You were his ideal +of womanhood. He believed in your strength and tenderness, your +graciousness and truth. You shattered this ideal; you failed this faith +in you. His fanciful, artistic, eclectic nature with all its unused +possibilities of faithful and passionate devotion, had found its haven +in your love; and in twelve hours you turned it adrift. Jane—it was a +crime. The magnificent strength of the fellow is shown by the way he +took it. His progress in his art was not arrested. All his best work +has been done since. He has made no bad mad marriage, in mockery of his +own pain; and no grand loveless one, to spite you. He might have done +both—I mean either. And when I realise that the poor fellow I was with +yesterday—making such a brave fight in the dark, and turning his head +on the pillow to say with a gleam of hope on his drawn face: `Where +Thou art Guide, no ill can come'—had already been put through all this +by you—Jane, if you were a man, I'd horsewhip you!" said the doctor. +</P> + +<P> +Jane squared her shoulders and lifted her head with more of her old +spirit than she had yet shown. +</P> + +<P> +"You have lashed me well, Boy," she said, "as only words spoken in +faithful indignation can lash. And I feel the better for the pain.— +And now I think I ought to tell you that while I was on the top of the +Great Pyramid I suddenly saw the matter from a different standpoint. +You remember that view, with its sharp line of demarcation? On one side +the river, and verdure, vegetation, fruitfulness, a veritable 'garden +enclosed'; on the other, vast space as far as the eye could reach; +golden liberty, away to the horizon, but no sign of vegetation, no hope +of cultivation, just barren, arid, loneliness. I felt this was an exact +picture of my life as I live it now. Garth's love, flowing through it, +as the river, could have made it a veritable 'garden of the Lord.' It +would have meant less liberty, but it would also have meant no +loneliness. And, after all, the liberty to live for self alone becomes +in time a weary bondage. Then I realised that I had condemned him also +to this hard desert life. I came down and took counsel of the old +Sphinx. Those calm, wise eyes, looking on into futurity, seemed to say: +'They only live who love.' That evening I resolved to give up the Nile +trip, return home immediately, send for Garth, admit all to him, asking +him to let us both begin again just where we were three years ago in +the moonlight on the terrace at Shenstone. Ten minutes after I had +formed this decision, I heard of his accident." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor shaded his face with his hand. "The wheels of time," he said +in a low voice, "move forward—always; backward, never." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Deryck," cried Jane, "sometimes they do. You and Flower know that +sometimes they do." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor smiled sadly and very tenderly. "I know," he said, "that +there is always one exception which proves every rule." Then he added +quickly: "But, unquestionably, it helps to mend matters, so far as your +own mental attitude is concerned, that before you knew of Dalmain's +blindness you should have admitted yourself wrong, and made up your +mind to trust him." +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know that I was altogether clear about having been wrong," +said Jane, "but I was quite convinced that I couldn't live any longer +without him, and was therefore prepared to risk it. And of course now, +all doubt or need to question is swept away by my poor boy's accident, +which simplifies matters, where that particular point is concerned." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor looked at Jane with a sudden raising of his level brows. +"Simplifies matters?" he said. +</P> + +<P> +Then, as Jane, apparently satisfied with the expression, did not +attempt to qualify it, he rose and stirred the fire; standing over it +for a few moments in silent thought. When he sat down again, his voice +was very quiet, but there was an alertness about his expression which +roused Jane. She felt that the crisis of their conversation had been +reached. +</P> + +<P> +"And now, my dear Jeanette," said the doctor, "suppose you tell me what +you intend doing." +</P> + +<P> +"Doing?" said Jane. "Why, of course, I shall go straight to Garth. I +only want you to advise me how best to let him know I am coming, and +whether it is safe for him to have the emotion of my arrival. Also I +don't want to risk being kept from him by doctors or nurses. My place +is by his side. I ask no better thing of life than to be always beside +him. But sick-room attendants are apt to be pig-headed; and a fuss +under these circumstances would be unbearable. A wire from you will +make all clear." +</P> + +<P> +"I see," said the doctor slowly. "Yes, a wire from me will undoubtedly +open a way for you to Garth Dalmain's bedside. And, arrived there, what +then?" +</P> + +<P> +A smile of ineffable tenderness parted Jane's lips. The doctor saw it, +but turned away immediately. It was not for him, or for any man, to see +that look. The eyes which should have seen it were sightless evermore. +</P> + +<P> +"What then, Deryck? Love will know best what then. All barriers will be +swept away, and Garth and I will be together." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor's finger-tips met very exactly before he spoke again; and +when he did speak, his tone was very level and very kind. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, Jane," he said, "that is the woman's point of view. It is +certainly the simplest, and perhaps the best. But at Garth's bedside +you will be confronted with the man's point of view; and I should be +failing the trust you have placed in me did I not put that before you +now.—From the man's point of view, your own mistaken action three +years ago has placed you now in an almost impossible position. If you +go to Garth with the simple offer of your love—the treasure he asked +three years ago and failed to win—he will naturally conclude the love +now given is mainly pity; and Garth Dalmain is not the man to be +content with pity, where he has thought to win love, and failed. Nor +would he allow any woman—least of all his crown of womanhood—to tie +herself to his blindness unless he were sure such binding was her +deepest joy. And how could you expect him to believe this in face of +the fact that, when he was all a woman's heart could desire, you +refused him and sent him from you?—If, on the other hand, you explain, +as no doubt you intend to do, the reason of that refusal, he can but +say one thing: 'You could not trust me to be faithful when I had my +sight. Blind, you come to me, when it is no longer in my power to prove +my fidelity. There is no virtue in necessity. I can never feel I +possess your trust, because you come to me only when accident has put +it out of my power either to do the thing you feared, or to prove +myself better than your doubts.' My dear girl, that is how matters +stand from the man's point of view; from his, I make no doubt, even +more than from mine; for I recognise in Garth Dalmain a stronger man +than myself. Had it been I that day in the church, wanting you as he +did, I should have grovelled at your feet and promised to grow up. +Garth Dalmain had the iron strength to turn and go, without a protest, +when the woman who had owned him mate the evening before, refused him +on the score of inadequacy the next morning. I fear there is no +question of the view he would take of the situation as it now stands." +</P> + +<P> +Jane's pale, startled face went to the doctor's heart. +</P> + +<P> +"But Deryck—he—loves—" +</P> + +<P> +"Just because he loves, my poor old girl, where you are concerned he +could never be content with less than the best." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Boy, help me! Find a way! Tell me what to do!" Despair was in +Jane's eyes. +</P> + +<P> +The doctor considered long, in silence. At last he said: "I see only +one way out. If Dal could somehow be brought to realise your point of +view at that time as a possible one, without knowing it had actually +been the cause of your refusal of him, and could have the chance to +express himself clearly on the subject—to me, for instance—in a way +which might reach you without being meant to reach you, it might put +you in a better position toward him. But it would be difficult to +manage. If you could be in close contact with his mind, constantly near +him unseen—ah, poor chap, that is easy now—I mean unknown to him; if, +for instance, you could be in the shoes of this nurse-companion person +I am sending him, and get at his mind on the matter; so that he could +feel when you eventually made your confession, he had already justified +himself to you, and thus gone behind his blindness, as it were." +</P> + +<P> +Jane bounded in her chair. "Deryck, I have it! Oh, send ME as his +nurse-companion! He would never dream it was I. It is three years since +he heard my voice, and he thinks me in Egypt. The society column in all +the papers, a few weeks ago, mentioned me as wintering in Egypt and +Syria and remaining abroad until May. Not a soul knows I have come +home. You are the best judge as to whether I have had training and +experience; and all through the war our work was fully as much mental +and spiritual, as surgical. It was not up to much otherwise. Oh, Dicky, +you could safely recommend me; and I still have my uniforms stowed away +in case of need. I could be ready in twenty-four hours, and I would go +as Sister—anything, and eat in the kitchen if necessary." +</P> + +<P> +"But, my dear girl," said the doctor quietly, "you could not go as +Sister Anything, unfortunately. You could only go as Nurse Rosemary +Gray; for I engaged her this morning, and posted a full and explicit +account of her to Dr. Mackenzie, which he will read, to our patient. I +never take a case from one nurse and give it to another, excepting for +incompetency. And Nurse Rosemary Gray could more easily fly, than prove +incompetent. She will not be required to eat in the kitchen. She is a +gentlewoman, and will be treated as such. I wish indeed you could be in +her shoes, though I doubt whether you could have carried it +through—And now I have something to tell you. Just before I left him, +Dalmain asked after you. He sandwiched you most carefully in between +the duchess and Flower; but he could not keep the blood out of his thin +cheeks, and he gripped the bedclothes in his effort to keep his voice +steady. He asked where you were. I said, I believed, in Egypt. When you +were coming home. I told him I had heard you intended returning to +Jerusalem for Easter, and I supposed we might expect you home at the +end of April or early in May. He inquired how you were. I replied that +you were not a good correspondent, but I gathered from occasional +cables and post-cards that you were very fit and having a good time. I +then volunteered the statement that it was I who had sent you abroad +because you were going all to pieces. He made a quick movement with his +hand as if he would have struck me for using the expression. Then he +said: 'Going to pieces? SHE!' in a tone of most utter contempt for me +and my opinions. Then he hastily made minute inquiries for Flower. He +had already asked about the duchess all the questions he intended +asking about you. When he had ascertained that Flower was at home and +well, and had sent him her affectionate sympathy, he begged me to +glance through a pile of letters which were waiting until he felt able +to have them read to him, and to tell him any of the handwritings known +to me. All the world seemed to have sent him letters of sympathy, poor +chap. I told him a dozen or so of the names I knew,—a royal +handwriting among them. He asked whether there were any from abroad. +There were two or three. I knew them all, and named them. He could not +bear to hear any of them read; even the royal letter remained unopened, +though he asked to have it in his hand, and fingered the tiny crimson +crown. Then he asked. 'Is there one from the duchess?' There was. He +wished to hear that one, so I opened and read it. It was very +characteristic of her Grace; full of kindly sympathy, heartily yet +tactfully expressed. Half-way through she said: 'Jane will be upset. I +shall write and tell her next time she sends me an address. At present +I have no idea in which quarter of the globe my dear niece is to be +found. Last time I heard of her she seemed in a fair way towards +marrying a little Jap and settling in Japan. Not a bad idea, my dear +Dal, is it? Though, if Japan is at all like the paper screens, I don't +know where in that Liliputian country they will find a house, or a +husband, or a what-do-you-call-'em thing they ride in, solid enough for +our good Jane!' With intuitive tact of a very high order, I omitted +this entire passage about marrying the Jap. When your aunt's letter was +finished, he asked point blank whether there was one from you. I said +No, but that it was unlikely the news had reached you, and I felt sure +you would write when it did. So I hope you will, dear; and Nurse +Rosemary Gray will have instructions to read all his letters to him." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Deryck," said Jane brokenly, "I can't bear it! I must go to him!" +</P> + +<P> +The telephone bell on the doctor's table whirred sharply. He went over +and took up the receiver. +</P> + +<P> +"Hullo! ... Yes, it is Dr. Brand.... Who is speaking? ... Oh, is +it you, Matron?"—Jane felt quite sorry the matron could not see the +doctor's charming smile into the telephone.—"Yes? What name did you +say? ... Undoubtedly. This morning; quite definitely. A most +important case. She is to call and see me to-night ... What? ... +Mistake on register? Ah, I see ... Gone where? ... Where? ... +Spell it, please ... Australia! Oh, quite out of reach! ... Yes, I +heard he was ordered there ... Never mind, Matron. You are in no way +to blame ... Thanks, I think not. I have some one in view ... Yes.... +Yes.... No doubt she might do ... I will let you know if I +should require her ... Good-bye, Matron, and thank you." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor hung up the receiver. Then he turned to Jane; a slow, +half-doubtful smile gathering on his lips. +</P> + +<P> +"Jeanette," he said, "I do not believe in chance. But I do believe in a +Higher Control, which makes and unmakes our plans. You shall go." +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap16"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XVI +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE DOCTOR FINDS A WAY +</H3> + +<P> +"And now as to ways and means," said the doctor, when Jane felt better. +"You must leave by the night mail from Euston, the day after to-morrow. +Can you be ready?" +</P> + +<P> +"I am ready," said Jane. +</P> + +<P> +"You must go as Nurse Rosemary Gray." +</P> + +<P> +"I don't like that," Jane interposed. "I should prefer a fictitious +name. Suppose the real Rosemary Gray turned up, or some one who knows +her." +</P> + +<P> +"My, dear girl, she is half-way to Australia by now, and you will see +no one up there but the household and the doctor. Any one who turned up +would be more likely to know you. We must take these risks. Besides, in +case of complications arising, I will give you a note, which you can +produce at once, explaining the situation, and stating that in agreeing +to fill the breach you consented at my request to take the name in +order to prevent any necessity for explanations to the patient, which +at this particular juncture would be most prejudicial. I can honestly +say this, it being even more true than appears. So you must dress the +part, Jane, and endeavour to look the part, so far as your five foot +eleven will permit; for please remember that I have described you to +Dr. Mackenzie as 'a pretty, dainty little thing, refined and elegant, +and considerably more capable than she looks.'" +</P> + +<P> +"Dicky! He will instantly realise that I am not the person mentioned in +your letter." +</P> + +<P> +"Not so, dear. Remember we have to do with a Scotchman, and a Scotchman +never realises anything 'instantly.' The Gaelic mind works slowly, +though it works exceeding sure. He will be exceeding sure, when he has +contemplated you for a while, that I am a 'verra poor judge o' women,' +and that Nurse Gray is a far finer woman than I described. But he will +have already created for Dalmain, from my letter, a mental picture of +his nurse; which is all that really matters. We must trust to +Providence that old Robbie does not proceed to amend it by the +original. Try to forestall any such conversation. If the good doctor +seems to mistrust you, take him on one side, show him my letter, and +tell him the simple truth. But I do not suppose this will be necessary. +With the patient, you must remember the extreme sensitiveness of a +blind man's hearing. Tread lightly. Do not give him any opportunity to +judge of your height. Try to remember that you are not supposed to be +able to reach the top shelf of an eight-foot bookcase without the aid +of steps or a chair. And when the patient begins to stand and walk, try +to keep him from finding out that his nurse is slightly taller than +himself. This should not be difficult; one of his fixed ideas being +that in his blindness he will not be touched by a woman. His valet will +lead him about. And, Jane, I cannot imagine any one who has ever had +your hand in his, failing to recognise it. So I advise you, from the +first, to avoid shaking hands. But all these precautions do not obviate +the greatest difficulty of all,—your voice. Do you suppose, for a +moment, he will not recognise that?" +</P> + +<P> +"I shall take the bull by the horns in that case," said Jane, "and you +must help me. Explain the fact to me now, as you might do if I were +really Nurse Rosemary Gray, and had a voice so like my own." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor smiled. "My dear Nurse Rosemary," he said, "you must not be +surprised if our patient detects a remarkable similarity between your +voice and that of a mutual friend of his and mine. I have constantly +noticed it myself." +</P> + +<P> +"Indeed, sir," said Jane. "And may I know whose voice mine so closely +resembles?" +</P> + +<P> +"The Honourable Jane Champion's," said the doctor, with the delightful +smile with which he always spoke to his nurses. "Do you know her?" +</P> + +<P> +"Slightly," said Jane, "and I hope to know her better and better as the +years go by." +</P> + +<P> +Then they both laughed. "Thank you, Dicky. Now I shall know what to say +to the patient.—Ah, but the misery of it! Think of it being possible +thus to deceive Garth,—Garth of the bright, keen all—perceiving +vision! Shall I ever have the courage to carry it through?" +</P> + +<P> +"If you value your own eventual happiness and his you will, dear. And +now I must order the brougham and speed you to Portland Place, or you +will be late—for dinner, a thing the duchess cannot overlook 'as you +very well know,' even in a traveller returned from round the world. And +if you take my advice, you will tell your kind, sensible old aunt the +whole story, omitting of course all moonlight details, and consult her +about this plan. Her shrewd counsel will be invaluable, and you may be +glad of her assistance later on." +</P> + +<P> +They rose and faced each other on the hearth-rug. +</P> + +<P> +"Boy," said Jane with emotion, "you have been so good to me, and so +faithful. Whatever happens, I shall be grateful always." +</P> + +<P> +"Hush," said the doctor. "No need for gratitude when long-standing +debts are paid.—To-morrow I shall not have a free moment, and I +foresee the next day as very full also. But we might dine together at +Euston at seven, and I will see you off. Your train leaves at eight +o'clock, getting you to Aberdeen soon after seven the next morning, and +out to Gleneesh in time for breakfast. You will enjoy arriving in the +early morning light; and the air of the moors braces you +wonderfully.—Thank you, Stoddart. Miss Champion is ready. Hullo, +Flower! Look up, Jane. Flower, and Dicky, and Blossom, are hanging over +the topmost banisters, dropping you showers of kisses. Yes, the river +you mentioned does produce a veritable 'garden of the Lord.' God send +you the same, dear. And now, sit well back, and lower your veil. Ah, I +remember, you don't wear them. Wise girl! If all women followed your +example it would impoverish the opticians. Why? Oh, constant focussing +on spots, for one thing. But lean back, for you must not be seen if you +are supposed to be still in Cairo, waiting to go up the Nile. And, look +here"—the doctor put his head in at the carriage window—"very plain +luggage, mind. The sort of thing nurses speak of as 'my box'; with a +very obvious R. G. on it!" +</P> + +<P> +"Thank you, Boy," whispered Jane. "You think of everything." +</P> + +<P> +"I think of YOU," said the doctor. And in all the hard days to come, +Jane often found comfort in remembering those last quiet words. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap17"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XVII +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +ENTER—NURSE ROSEMARY +</H3> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary Gray had arrived at Gleneesh. +</P> + +<P> +When she and her "box" were deposited on the platform of the little +wayside railway station, she felt she had indeed dropped from the +clouds; leaving her own world, and her own identity, on some +far-distant planet. +</P> + +<P> +A motor waited outside the station, and she had a momentary fear lest +she should receive deferential recognition from the chauffeur. But he +was as solid and stolid as any other portion of the car, and paid no +more attention to her than he did to her baggage. The one was a nurse; +the other, a box, both common nouns, and merely articles to be conveyed +to Gleneesh according to orders. So he looked straight before him, +presenting a sphinx-like profile beneath the peak of his leather cap, +while a slow and solemn porter helped Jane and her luggage into the +motor. When she had rewarded the porter with threepence, +conscientiously endeavouring to live down to her box, the chauffeur +moved foot and hand with the silent precision of a machine, they swung +round into the open, and took the road for the hills. +</P> + +<P> +Up into the fragrant heather and grey rocks; miles of moor and sky and +solitude. More than ever Jane felt as if she had dropped into another +world, and so small an incident as the omission of the usual respectful +salute of a servant, gave her a delightful sense of success and +security in her new role. +</P> + +<P> +She had often heard of Garth's old castle up in the North, an +inheritance from his mother's family, but was hardly prepared for so +much picturesque beauty or such stateliness of archway and entrance. As +they wound up the hillside and the grey turrets came into view, with +pine woods behind and above, she seemed to hear Garth's boyish voice +under the cedar at Overdene, with its ring of buoyant enjoyment, +saying: "I should like you to see Castle Gleneesh. You would enjoy the +view from the terrace; and the pine woods, and the moor." And then he +had laughingly declared his intention of getting up a "best party" of +his own, with the duchess as chaperon; and she had promised to make one +of it. And now he, the owner of all this loveliness, was blind and +helpless; and she was entering the fair portals of Gleneesh, unknown to +him, unrecognised by any, as a nurse-secretary sort of person. Jane had +said at Overdene: "Yes, ask us, and see what happens." And now this was +happening. What would happen next? +</P> + +<P> +Garth's man, Simpson, received her at the door, and again a possible +danger was safely passed. He had entered Garth's service within the +last three years and evidently did not know her by sight. +</P> + +<P> +Jane stood looking round the old hall, in the leisurely way of one +accustomed to arrive for the first time as guest at the country homes +of her friends; noting the quaint, large fireplace, and the shadowy +antlers high up on the walls. Then she became aware that Simpson, +already half-way up the wide oak staircase, was expecting the nurse to +hurry after him. This she did, and was received at the top of the +staircase by old Margery. It did not require the lawn kerchief, the +black satin apron, and the lavender ribbons, for Jane to recognise +Garth's old Scotch nurse, housekeeper, and friend. One glance at the +grave, kindly face, wrinkled and rosy,—a beautiful combination of +perfect health and advancing years,—was enough. The shrewd, keen eyes, +seeing quickly beneath the surface, were unmistakable. She conducted +Jane to her room, talking all the time in a kindly effort to set her at +her ease, and to express a warm welcome with gentle dignity, not +forgetting the cloud of sadness which hung over the house and rendered +her presence necessary. She called her "Nurse Gray" at the conclusion +of every sentence, with an upward inflection and pretty rolling of the +r's, which charmed Jane. She longed to say: "You old dear! How I shall +enjoy being in the house with you!" but remembered in time that a +remark which would have been gratifying condescension on the part of +the Honourable Jane Champion, would be little short of impertinent +familiarity from Nurse Rosemary Gray. So she followed meekly into the +pretty room prepared for her; admired the chintz; answered questions +about her night journey; admitted that she would be very glad of +breakfast, but still more of a bath if convenient. +</P> + +<P> +And now bath and breakfast were both over, and Jane was standing beside +the window in her room, looking down at the wonderful view, and waiting +until the local doctor should arrive and summon her to Garth's room. +</P> + +<P> +She had put on the freshest-looking and most business-like of her +uniforms, a blue print gown, linen collar and cuffs, and a white apron +with shoulder straps and large pockets. She also wore the becoming cap +belonging to one of the institutions to which she had once been for +training. She did not intend wearing this later on, but just this +morning she omitted no detail which could impress Dr. Mackenzie with +her extremely professional appearance. She was painfully conscious that +the severe simplicity of her dress tended rather to add to her height, +notwithstanding her low-heeled ward shoes with their noiseless rubber +soles. She could but hope Deryck would prove right as to the view Dr. +Mackenzie would take. +</P> + +<P> +And then far away in the distance, along the white ribbon of road, +winding up from the valley, she saw a high gig, trotting swiftly; one +man in it, and a small groom seated behind. Her hour had come. +</P> + +<P> +Jane fell upon her knees, at the window, and prayed for strength, +wisdom, and courage. She could realise absolutely nothing. She had +thought so much and so continuously, that all mental vision was out of +focus and had become a blur. Even his dear face had faded and was +hidden from her when she frantically strove to recall it to her mental +view. Only the actual fact remained clear, that in a few short minutes +she would be taken to the room where he lay. She would see the face she +had not seen since they stood together at the chancel step—the face +from which the glad confidence slowly faded, a horror of chill +disillusion taking its place. +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "Anoint and cheer our soiled face<BR> + With the abundance of Thy grace."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +She would see that dear face, and he, sightless, would not see hers, +but would be easily deluded into believing her to be some one else. +</P> + +<P> +The gig had turned the last bend of the road, and passed out of sight +on its way to the front of the house. +</P> + +<P> +Jane rose and stood waiting. Suddenly she remembered two sentences of +her conversation with Deryck. She had said: "Shall I ever have the +courage to carry it through?" And Deryck had answered, earnestly: "If +you value your own eventual happiness and his, you will." +</P> + +<P> +A tap came at her door. Jane walked across the room, and opened it. +</P> + +<P> +Simpson stood on the threshold. +</P> + +<P> +"Dr. Mackenzie is in the library, nurse," he said, "and wishes to see +you there." +</P> + +<P> +"Then, will you kindly take me to the library, Mr. Simpson," said Nurse +Rosemary Gray. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap18"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XVIII +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE NAPOLEON OF THE MOORS +</H3> + +<P> +On the bear-skin rug, with his back to the fire, stood Dr. Robert +Mackenzie, known to his friends as "Dr. Rob" or "Old Robbie," according +to their degrees of intimacy. +</P> + +<P> +Jane's first impression was of a short, stout man, in a sealskin +waistcoat which had seen better days, a light box-cloth overcoat three +sizes too large for him, a Napoleonic attitude,—little spindle legs +planted far apart, arms folded on chest, shoulders hunched up,—which +led one to expect, as the eye travelled upwards, an ivory-white +complexion, a Roman nose, masterful jaw, and thin lips folded in a line +of conscious power. Instead of which one found a red, freckled face, a +nose which turned cheerfully skyward, a fat pink chin, and drooping +sandy moustache. The only striking feature of the face was a pair of +keen blue eyes, which, when turned upon any one intently, almost +disappeared beneath bushy red eyebrows and became little points of +turquoise light. +</P> + +<P> +Jane had not been in his presence two minutes before she perceived +that, when his mind was working, he was entirely unconscious of his +body, which was apt to do most peculiar things automatically; so that +his friends had passed round the remark: "Robbie chews up dozens of +good pen-holders, while Dr. Mackenzie is thinking out excellent +prescriptions." +</P> + +<P> +When Jane entered, his eyes were fixed upon an open letter, which she +instinctively knew to be Deryck's, and he did not look up at once. When +he did look up, she saw his unmistakable start of surprise. He opened +his mouth to speak, and Jane was irresistibly reminded of a tame +goldfish at Overdene, which used to rise to the surface when the +duchess dropped crumbs. He closed it without uttering a word, and +turned again to Deryck's letter; and Jane felt herself to be the crumb, +or rather the camel, which he was finding it difficult to swallow. +</P> + +<P> +She waited in respectful silence, and Deryck's words passed with +calming effect through the palpitating suspense of her brain. "The +Gaelic mind works slowly, though it works exceeding sure. He will be +exceeding sure that I am a verra poor judge o' women." +</P> + +<P> +At last the little man on the hearth-rug lifted his eyes again to +Jane's; and, alas, how high he had to lift them! +</P> + +<P> +"Nurse—er?" he said inquiringly, and Jane thought his searching eyes +looked like little bits of broken blue china in a hay-stack. +</P> + +<P> +"Rosemary Gray," replied Jane meekly, with a curtsey in her voice; +feeling as if they were rehearsing amateur theatricals at Overdene, and +the next minute the duchess's cane would rap the floor and they would +be told to speak up and not be so slow. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah," said Dr. Robert Mackenzie, "I see." +</P> + +<P> +He stared hard at the carpet in a distant corner of the room, then +walked across and picked up a spline broken from a bass broom; brought +it back to the hearth-rug; examined it with minute attention; then put +one end between his teeth and began to chew it. +</P> + +<P> +Jane wondered what was the correct thing to do at this sort of +interview, when a doctor neither sat down himself nor suggested that +the nurse should do so. She wished she had asked Deryck. But he could +not possibly have enlightened her, because the first thing he always +said to a nurse was: "My dear Nurse SO-AND-SO, pray sit down. People +who have much unavoidable standing to do should cultivate the habit of +seating themselves comfortably at every possible opportunity." +</P> + +<P> +But the stout little person on the hearth-rug was not Deryck. So Jane +stood at attention, and watched the stiff bit of bass wag up and down, +and shorten, inch by inch. When it had finally disappeared, Dr. Robert +Mackenzie spoke again. +</P> + +<P> +"So you have arrived, Nurse Gray," he said. +</P> + +<P> +"Truly the mind of a Scotchman works slowly," thought Jane, but she was +thankful to detect the complete acceptance of herself in his tone. +Deryck was right; and oh the relief of not having to take this +unspeakable little man into her confidence in this matter of the +deception to be practised on Garth. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, sir, I have arrived," she said. +</P> + +<P> +Another period of silence. A fragment of the bass broom reappeared and +vanished once more, before Dr. Mackenzie spoke again. +</P> + +<P> +"I am glad you have arrived, Nurse Gray," he said. +</P> + +<P> +"I am glad TO have arrived, sir," said Jane gravely, almost expecting +to hear the duchess's delighted "Ha, ha!" from the wings. The little +comedy was progressing. +</P> + +<P> +Then suddenly she became aware that during the last few minutes Dr. +Mackenzie's mind had been concentrated upon something else. She had not +filled it at all. The next moment it was turned upon her and two swift +turquoise gleams from under the shaggy brows swept over her, with the +rapidity and brightness of search-lights. Dr. Mackenzie commenced +speaking quickly, with a wonderful rolling of r's. +</P> + +<P> +"I understand, Miss Gray, you have come to minister to the patient's +mind rather than to his body. You need not trouble to explain. I have +it from Sir Deryck Brand, who prescribed a nurse-companion for the +patient, and engaged you. I fully agreed with his prescription; and, +allow me to say, I admire its ingredients." +</P> + +<P> +Jane bowed, and realised how the duchess would be chuckling. What an +insufferable little person! Jane had time to think this, while he +walked across to the table-cloth, bent over it, and examined an ancient +spot of ink. Finding a drop of candle grease near it, he removed it +with his thumb nail; brought it carefully to the fire, and laid it on +the coals. He watched it melt, fizzle, and flare, with an intense +concentration of interest; then jumped round on Jane, and caught her +look of fury. +</P> + +<P> +"And I think there remains very little for me to say to you about the +treatment, Miss Gray," he finished calmly. "You will have received +minute instructions from Sir Deryck himself. The great thing now is to +help the patient to take an interest in the outer world. The temptation +to persons who suddenly become totally blind, is to form a habit of +living entirely in a world within; a world of recollection, +retrospection, and imagination; the only world, in fact, in which they +can see." +</P> + +<P> +Jane made a quick movement of appreciation and interest. After all she +might learn something useful from this eccentric little Scotchman. Oh +to keep his attention off rubbish on the carpet, and grease spots on +the table-cloth! +</P> + +<P> +"Yes?" she said. "Do tell me more." +</P> + +<P> +"This," continued Dr. Mackenzie, "is our present difficulty with Mr. +Dalmain. There seems to be no possibility of arousing his interest in +the outside world. He refuses to receive visitors; he declines to hear +his letters. Hours pass without a word being spoken by him. Unless you +hear him speak to me or to his valet, you will easily suppose yourself +to have a patient who has lost the power of speech as well as the gift +of sight. Should he express a wish to speak to me alone when we are +with him, do not leave the room. Walk over to the fireplace and remain +there. I desire that you should hear, that when he chooses to rouse and +make an effort, he is perfectly well able to do so. The most important +part of your duties, Nurse Gray, will be the aiding him day by day to +resume life,—the life of a blind man, it is true; but not therefore +necessarily an inactive life. Now that all danger of inflammation from +the wounds has subsided, he may get up, move about, learn to find his +way by sound and touch. He was an artist by profession. He will never +paint again. But there are other gifts which may form reasonable +outlets to an artistic nature." +</P> + +<P> +He paused suddenly, having apparently caught sight of another grease +spot, and walked over to the table; but the next instant jumped round +on Jane, quick as lightning, with a question. +</P> + +<P> +"Does he play?" said Dr. Rob. +</P> + +<P> +But Jane was on her guard, even against accidental surprises. +</P> + +<P> +"Sir Deryck did not happen to mention to me, Dr. Mackenzie, whether Mr. +Dalmain is musical or not." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, well," said the little doctor, resuming his Napoleonic attitude in +the centre of the hearth-rug; "you must make it your business to find +out. And, by the way, Nurse, do you play yourself?" +</P> + +<P> +"A little," said Jane. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah," said Dr. Rob. "And I dare say you sing a little, too?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane acquiesced. +</P> + +<P> +"In that case, my dear lady, I leave most explicit orders that you +neither sing a little nor play a little to Mr. Dalmain. We, who have +our sight, can just endure while people who 'play a little' show us how +little they can play; because we are able to look round about us and +think of other things. But to a blind man, with an artist's sensitive +soul, the experience might culminate in madness. We must not risk it. I +regret to appear uncomplimentary, but a patient's welfare must take +precedence of all other considerations." +</P> + +<P> +Jane smiled. She was beginning to like Dr. Rob. +</P> + +<P> +"I will be most careful," she said, "neither to play nor to sing to Mr. +Dalmain." +</P> + +<P> +"Good," said Dr. Mackenzie. "But now let me tell you what you most +certainly may do, by-and-by. Lead him to the piano. Place him there +upon a seat where he will feel secure; none of your twirly, rickety +stools. Make a little notch on the key-board by which he can easily +find middle C. Then let him relieve his pent-up soul by the painting of +sound-pictures. You will find this will soon keep him happy for hours. +And, if he is already something of a musician,—as that huge grand +piano, with no knick-knacks on it indicates,—he may begin that sort of +thing at once, before he is ready to be worried with the Braille +system, or any other method of instructing the blind. But contrive an +easy way—a little notch in the wood-work below the note—by means of +which, without hesitation or irritation, he can locate himself +instantly at middle C. Never mind the other notes. It is all the SEEING +he will require when once he is at the piano. Ha, ha! Not bad for a +Scotchman, eh, Nurse Gray?" +</P> + +<P> +But Jane could not laugh; though somewhere in her mental background she +seemed to hear laughter and applause from the duchess. This was no +comedy to Jane,—her blind Garth at the piano, his dear beautiful head +bent over the keys, his fingers feeling for that pathetic little notch, +to be made by herself, below middle C. She loathed this individual who +could make a pun on the subject of Garth's blindness, and, in the back +of her mind, Tommy seemed to join the duchess, flapping up and down on +his perch and shrieking: "Kick him out! Stop his jaw!" +</P> + +<P> +"And now," said Dr. Mackenzie unexpectedly, "the next thing to be done, +Nurse Gray, is to introduce you to the patient." +</P> + +<P> +Jane felt the blood slowly leave her face and concentrate in a terrible +pounding at her heart. But she stood her ground, and waited silently. +</P> + +<P> +Dr. Mackenzie rang the bell. Simpson appeared. +</P> + +<P> +"A decanter of sherry, a wine-glass, and a couple of biscuits," said +Dr. Rob. +</P> + +<P> +Simpson vanished. +</P> + +<P> +"Little beast!" thought Jane. "At eleven o'clock in the morning!". +</P> + +<P> +Dr. Rob stood, and waited; tugging spitefully at his red moustache, and +looking intently out of the window. +</P> + +<P> +Simpson reappeared, placed a small tray on the table, and went quietly +out, closing the door behind him. +</P> + +<P> +Dr. Rob poured out a glass of sherry, drew up a chair to the table, and +said: "Now, Nurse, sit down and drink that, and take a biscuit with it." +</P> + +<P> +Jane protested. "But, indeed, doctor, I never—" +</P> + +<P> +"I have no doubt you 'never,'" said Dr. Rob, "especially at eleven +o'clock in the morning. But you will to-day; so do not waste any time +in discussion. You have had a long night journey; you are going +upstairs to a very sad sight indeed, a strain on the nerves and +sensibilities. You have come through a trying interview with me, and +you are praising Heaven it is over. But you will praise Heaven with +more fervency when you have drunk the sherry. Also you have been +standing during twenty-three minutes and a half. I always stand to +speak myself, and I prefer folk should stand to listen. I can never +talk to people while they loll around. But you will walk upstairs all +the more steadily, Nurse Rosemary Gray, if you sit down now for five +minutes at this table." +</P> + +<P> +Jane obeyed, touched and humbled. So, after all, it was a kind, +comprehending heart under that old sealskin waistcoat; and a shrewd +understanding of men and matters, in spite of the erratic, somewhat +objectionable exterior. While she drank the wine and finished the +biscuits, he found busy occupation on the other side of the room, +polishing the window with his silk pocket-handkerchief; making a queer +humming noise all the time, like a bee buzzing up the pane. He seemed +to have forgotten her presence; but, just as she put down the empty +glass, he turned and, walking straight across the room, laid his hand +upon her shoulder. +</P> + +<P> +"Now, Nurse," he said, "follow me upstairs, and, just at first, speak +as little as possible. Remember, every fresh voice intruding into the +still depths of that utter blackness, causes an agony of bewilderment +and disquietude to the patient. Speak little and speak low, and may God +Almighty give you tact and wisdom." +</P> + +<P> +There was a dignity of conscious knowledge and power in the small +quaint figure which preceded Jane up the staircase. As she followed, +she became aware that her spirit leaned on his and felt sustained and +strengthened. The unexpected conclusion of his sentence, old-fashioned +in its wording, yet almost a prayer, gave her fresh courage. "May God +Almighty give you tact and wisdom," he had said, little guessing how +greatly she needed them. And now another voice, echoing through +memory's arches to organ-music, took up the strain: "Where Thou art +Guide, no ill can come." And with firm though noiseless step, Jane +followed Dr. Mackenzie into the roam where Garth was lying, helpless, +sightless, and disfigured. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap19"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XIX +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE VOICE IN THE DARKNESS +</H3> + +<P> +Just the dark head upon the pillow. That was all Jane saw at first, and +she saw it in sunshine. Somehow she had always pictured a darkened +room, forgetting that to him darkness and light were both alike, and +that there was no need to keep out the sunlight, with its healing, +purifying, invigorating powers. +</P> + +<P> +He had requested to have his bed moved into a corner—the corner +farthest from door, fireplace, and windows—with its left side against +the wall, so that he could feel the blank wall with his hand and, +turning close to it, know himself shut away from all possible prying of +unseen eyes. This was how he now lay, and he did not turn as they +entered. +</P> + +<P> +Just the dear dark head upon the pillow. It was all Jane saw at first. +Then his right arm in the sleeve of a blue silk sleeping-suit, +stretched slightly behind him as he lay on his left side, the thin +white hand limp and helpless on the coverlet. +</P> + +<P> +Jane put her hands behind her. The impulse was so strong to fall on her +knees beside the bed, take that poor hand in both her strong ones, and +cover it with kisses. Ah surely, surely then, the dark head would turn +to her, and instead of seeking refuge in the hard, blank wall, he would +hide that sightless face in the boundless tenderness of her arms. But +Deryck's warning voice sounded, grave and persistent: "If you value +your own eventual happiness and his—" So Jane put her hands behind her +back. +</P> + +<P> +Dr. Mackenzie advanced to the side of the bed and laid his hand upon +Garth's shoulder. Then, with an incredible softening of his rather +strident voice, he spoke so slowly and quietly, that Jane could hardly +believe this to be the man who had jerked out questions, comments, and +orders to her, during the last half-hour. +</P> + +<P> +"Good morning, Mr. Dalmain. Simpson tells me it has been an excellent +night, the best you have yet had. Now that is good. No doubt you were +relieved to be rid of Johnson, capable though he was, and to be back in +the hands of your own man again. These trained attendants are never +content with doing enough; they always want to do just a little more, +and that little more is a weariness to the patient.—Now I have brought +you to-day one who is prepared to do all you need, and yet who, I feel +sure, will never annoy you by attempting more than you desire. Sir +Deryck Brand's prescription, Nurse Rosemary Gray, is here; and I +believe she is prepared to be companion, secretary, reader, anything +you want, in fact a new pair of eyes for you, Mr. Dalmain, with a +clever brain behind them, and a kind, sympathetic, womanly heart +directing and controlling that brain. Nurse Gray arrived this morning, +Mr. Dalmain." +</P> + +<P> +No response from the bed. But Garth's hand groped for the wall; touched +it, then dropped listlessly back. +</P> + +<P> +Jane could not realise that SHE was "Nurse Gray." She only longed that +her poor boy need not be bothered with the woman! It all seemed, at +this moment, a thing apart from herself and him. +</P> + +<P> +Dr. Mackenzie spoke again. "Nurse Rosemary Gray is in the room, Mr. +Dalmain." +</P> + +<P> +Then Garth's instinctive chivalry struggled up through the blackness. +He did not turn his head, but his right hand made a little courteous +sign of greeting, and he said in a low, distinct voice: "How do you do? +I am sure it is most kind of you to come so far. I hope you had an easy +journey." +</P> + +<P> +Jane's lips moved, but no sound would pass them. +</P> + +<P> +Dr. Rob made answer quickly, without looking at her: "Miss Gray had a +very good journey, and looks as fresh this morning as if she had spent +the night in bed. I can see she is a cold-water young lady." +</P> + +<P> +"I hope my housekeeper will make her comfortable. Please give orders," +said the tired voice; and Garth turned even closer to the wall, as if +to end the conversation. +</P> + +<P> +Dr. Rob attacked his moustache, and stood looking down at the blue silk +shoulder for a minute, silently. +</P> + +<P> +Then he turned and spoke to Jane. "Come over to the window, Nurse Gray. +I want to show you a special chair we have obtained for Mr. Dalmain, in +which he will be most comfortable as soon as he feels inclined to sit +up. You see? Here is an adjustable support for the head, if necessary; +and these various trays and stands and movable tables can be swung +round into any position by a touch. I consider it excellent, and Sir +Deryck approved it. Have you seen one of this kind before, Nurse Gray?" +</P> + +<P> +"We had one at the hospital, but not quite so complete as this," said +Jane. +</P> + +<P> +In the stillness of that sunlit chamber, the voice from the bed broke +upon them with startling suddenness; and in it was the cry of one lost +in an abyss of darkness, but appealing to them with a frantic demand +for instant enlightenment. +</P> + +<P> +"WHO is in the room?" cried Garth Dalmain. +</P> + +<P> +His face was still turned to the wall; but he had raised himself on his +left elbow, in an attitude which betokened intent listening. +</P> + +<P> +Dr. Mackenzie answered. "No one is in the room, Mr. Dalmain, but myself +and Nurse Gray." +</P> + +<P> +"There IS some one else in the room!" said Garth violently. "How dare +you lie to me! Who was speaking?" +</P> + +<P> +Then Jane came quickly to the side of the bed. Her hands were +trembling, but her voice was perfectly under control. +</P> + +<P> +"It was I who spoke, sir," she said; "Nurse Rosemary Gray. And I feel +sure I know why my voice startled you. Dr. Brand warned me it might do +so. He said I must not be surprised if you detected a remarkable +similarity between my voice and that of a mutual friend of yours and +his. He said he had often noticed it." +</P> + +<P> +Garth, in his blindness, remained quite still; listening and +considering. At length he asked slowly: "Did he say whose voice?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, for I asked him. He said it was Miss Champion's." +</P> + +<P> +Garth's head dropped back upon the pillow. Then without turning he said +in a tone which Jane knew meant a smile on that dear hidden face: "You +must forgive me, Miss Gray, for being so startled and so stupidly, +unpardonably agitated. But, you know, being blind is still such a new +experience, and every fresh voice which breaks through the black +curtain of perpetual night, means so infinitely more than the speaker +realises. The resemblance in your voice to that of the lady Sir Deryck +mentioned is so remarkable that, although I know her to be at this +moment in Egypt, I could scarcely believe she was not in the room. And +yet the most unlikely thing in the world would be that she should have +been in this room. So I owe you and Dr. Mackenzie most humble apologies +for my agitation and unbelief." +</P> + +<P> +He stretched out his right hand, palm upwards, towards Jane. +</P> + +<P> +Jane clasped her shaking hands behind her. +</P> + +<P> +"Now, Nurse, if you please," broke in Dr. Mackenzie's rasping voice +from the window, "I have a few more details to explain to you over +here." +</P> + +<P> +They talked together for a while without interruption, until Dr. Rob +remarked: "I suppose I will have to be going." +</P> + +<P> +Then Garth said: "I wish to speak to you alone, doctor, for a few +minutes." +</P> + +<P> +"I will wait for you downstairs, Dr. Mackenzie," said Jane, and was +moving towards the door, when an imperious gesture from Dr. Rob stopped +her, and she turned silently to the fireplace. She could not see any +need now for this subterfuge, and it annoyed her. But the freckled +little Napoleon of the moors was not a man to be lightly disobeyed. He +walked to the door, opened and closed it; then returned to the bedside, +drew up a chair, and sat down. +</P> + +<P> +"Now, Mr. Dalmain," he said. +</P> + +<P> +Garth sat up and turned towards him eagerly. +</P> + +<P> +Then, for the first time, Jane saw his face. +</P> + +<P> +"Doctor," he said, "tell me about this nurse. Describe her to me." +</P> + +<P> +The tension in tone and attitude was extreme. His hands were clasped in +front of him, as if imploring sight through the eyes of another. His +thin white face, worn with suffering, looked so eager and yet so blank. +</P> + +<P> +"Describe her to me, doctor," he said; "this Nurse Rosemary Gray, as +you call her." +</P> + +<P> +"But it is not a pet name of mine, my dear sir," said Dr. Rob +deliberately. "It is the young lady's own name, and a pretty one, too. +'Rosemary for remembrance.' Is not that Shakespeare?" +</P> + +<P> +"Describe her to me," insisted Garth, for the third time. +</P> + +<P> +Dr. Mackenzie glanced at Jane. But she had turned her back, to hide the +tears which were streaming down her cheeks. Oh, Garth! Oh, beautiful +Garth of the shining eyes! +</P> + +<P> +Dr. Rob drew Deryck's letter from his pocket and studied it. +</P> + +<P> +"Well," he said slowly, "she is a pretty, dainty little thing; just the +sort of elegant young woman you would like to have about you, could you +see her." +</P> + +<P> +"Dark or fair?" asked Garth. +</P> + +<P> +The doctor glanced at what he could see of Jane's cheek, and at the +brown hands holding on to the mantelpiece. +</P> + +<P> +"Fair," said Dr. Rob, without a moment's hesitation. +</P> + +<P> +Jane started and glanced round. Why should this little man be lying on +his own account? +</P> + +<P> +"Hair?" queried the strained voice from the bed. +</P> + +<P> +"Well," said Dr. Rob deliberately, "it is mostly tucked away under a +modest little cap; but, were it not for that wise restraint, I should +say it might be that kind of fluffy, fly-away floss-silk, which puts +the finishing touch to a dainty, pretty woman." +</P> + +<P> +Garth lay back, panting, and pressed his hands over his sightless face. +</P> + +<P> +"Doctor," he said, "I know I have given you heaps of trouble, and +to-day you must think me a fool. But if you do not wish me to go mad in +my blindness, send that girl away. Do not let her enter my room again." +</P> + +<P> +"Now, Mr. Dalmain," said Dr. Mackenzie patiently; "let us consider this +thing. We may take it you have nothing against this young lady +excepting a chance resemblance in her voice to that of a friend of +yours now far away. Was not this other lady a pleasant person?" +</P> + +<P> +Garth laughed suddenly, bitterly; a laugh like a hard, sob. "Oh, yes," +he said, "she was quite a pleasant person." +</P> + +<P> +"'Rosemary for remembrance,'" quoted Dr. Rob. "Then why should not +Nurse Rosemary call up a pleasant remembrance? Also it seems to me to +be a kind, sweet, womanly voice, which is something to be thankful for +nowadays, when so many women talk, fit to scare the crows; cackle, +cackle, cackle—like stones rattling in a tin canister." +</P> + +<P> +"But can't you understand, doctor," said Garth wearily, "that it is +just the remembrance and the resemblance which, in my blindness, I +cannot bear? I have nothing against her voice, Heaven knows! But I tell +you, when I heard it first I thought it was—it was she—the +other—come to me—here—and—" Garth's voice ceased suddenly. +</P> + +<P> +"The pleasant lady?" suggested Dr. Rob. "I see. Well now, Mr. Dalmain, +Sir Deryck said the best thing that could happen would be if you came +to wish for visitors. It appears you have many friends ready and +anxious to come any distance in order to bring you help or cheer. Why +not let me send for this pleasant lady? I make no doubt she would come. +Then when she herself had sat beside you, and talked with you, the +nurse's voice would trouble you no longer." +</P> + +<P> +Garth sat up again, his face wild with protest. Jane turned on the +hearth-rug, and stood watching it. +</P> + +<P> +"No, doctor," he said. "Oh, my God, no! In the whole world, she is the +last person I would have enter this room!" +</P> + +<P> +Dr. Mackenzie bent forward to examine minutely a microscopic darn in +the sheet. "And why?" he asked very low. +</P> + +<P> +"Because," said Garth, "that pleasant lady, as you rightly call her, +has a noble, generous heart, and it might overflow with pity for my +blindness; and pity from her I could not accept. It would be the last +straw upon my heavy cross. I can bear the cross, doctor; I hope in time +to carry it manfully, until God bids me lay it down. But that last +straw—HER pity—would break me. I should fall in the dark, to rise no +more." +</P> + +<P> +"I see," said Dr. Rob gently. "Poor laddie! The pleasant lady must not +come." +</P> + +<P> +He waited silently a few minutes, then pushed back his chair and stood +up. +</P> + +<P> +"Meanwhile," he said, "I must rely on you, Mr. Dalmain, to be agreeable +to Nurse Rosemary Gray, and not to make her task too difficult. I dare +not send her back. She is Dr. Brand's choice. Besides—think of the +cruel blow to her in her profession. Think of it, man!—sent off at a +moment's notice, after spending five minutes in her patient's room, +because, forsooth, her voice maddened him! Poor child! What a statement +to enter on her report! See her appear before the matron with it! Can't +you be generous and unselfish enough to face whatever trial there may +be for you in this bit of a coincidence?" +</P> + +<P> +Garth hesitated. "Dr. Mackenzie," he said at last, "will you swear to +me that your description of this young lady was accurate in every +detail?" +</P> + +<P> +"'Swear not at all,'" quoted Dr. Rob unctuously. "I had a pious mother, +laddie. Besides I can do better than that. I will let you into a +secret. I was reading from Sir Deryck's letter. I am no authority on +women myself, having always considered dogs and horses less ensnaring +and more companionable creatures. So I would not trust my own eyes, but +preferred to give you Sir Deryck's description. You will allow him to +be a fine judge of women. You have seen Lady Brand?" +</P> + +<P> +"Seen her? Yes," said Garth eagerly, a slight flush tinting his thin +cheeks, "and more than that, I've painted her. Ah, such a +picture!—standing at a table, the sunlight in her hair, arranging +golden daffodils in an old Venetian vase. Did you see it, doctor, in +the New Gallery, two years ago?" +</P> + +<P> +"No," said Dr. Rob. "I am not finding myself in galleries, new or old. +But"—he turned a swift look of inquiry on Jane, who nodded—"Nurse +Gray was telling me she had seen it." +</P> + +<P> +"Really?" said Garth, interested. "Somehow one does not connect nurses +with picture galleries." +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know why not," said Dr. Rob. "They must go somewhere for their +outings. They can't be everlastingly nosing shop windows in all +weathers; so why not go in and have a look at your pictures? Besides, +Miss Rosemary is a young lady of parts. Sir Deryck assures me she is a +gentlewoman by birth, well-read and intelligent.—Now, laddie, what is +it to be?" +</P> + +<P> +Garth considered silently. +</P> + +<P> +Jane turned away and gripped the mantelpiece. So much hung in the +balance during that quiet minute. +</P> + +<P> +At length Garth spoke, slowly, hesitatingly. "If only I could quite +disassociate the voice from the—from that other personality. If I +could be quite sure that, though her voice is so extraordinarily like, +she herself is not—" he paused, and Jane's heart stood still. Was a +description of herself coming?—"is not at all like the face and figure +which stand clear in my remembrance as associated with that voice." +</P> + +<P> +"Well," said Dr. Rob, "I'm thinking we can manage that for you. These +nurses know their patients must be humoured. We will call the young +lady back, and she shall kneel down beside your bed—Bless you! She +won't mind, with me to play old Gooseberry!—and you shall pass your +hands over her face and hair, and round her little waist, and assure +yourself, by touch, what an elegant, dainty little person it is, in a +blue frock and white apron." +</P> + +<P> +Garth burst out laughing, and his voice had a tone it had not yet held. +"Of all the preposterous suggestions!" he said. "Good heavens! What an +ass I must have been making of myself! And I begin to think I have +exaggerated the resemblance. In a day or two, I shall cease to notice +it. And, look here, doctor, if she really was interested in that +portrait—Here, I say—where are you going?" +</P> + +<P> +"All right, sir," said Dr. Rob. "I was merely moving a chair over to +the fireside, and taking the liberty of pouring out a glass of water. +Really you are becoming abnormally quick of hearing. Now I am all +attention. What about the portrait?" +</P> + +<P> +"I was only going to say, if she the nurse, you know—is really +interested in my portrait of Lady Brand, there are studies of it up in +the studio, which she might care to see. If she brought them here and +described them to me I could explain—But, I say, doctor. I can't have +dainty young ladies in and out of my room while I'm in bed. Why +shouldn't I get up and try that chair of yours? Send Simpson along; and +tell him to look out my brown lounge-suit and orange tie. Good heavens! +what a blessing to have the MEMORY of colours and of how they blend! +Think of the fellows who are BORN blind. And please ask Miss Gray to go +out in the pine wood, or on the moor, or use the motor, or rest, or do +anything she likes. Tell her to make herself quite at home; but on no +account to come up here until Simpson reports me ready." +</P> + +<P> +"You may rely on Nurse Gray to be most discreet," said Dr. Rob; whose +voice had suddenly become very husky. "And as for getting up, laddie, +don't go too fast. You will not find your strength equal to much. But I +am bound to tell you there is nothing to keep you in bed if you feel +like rising." +</P> + +<P> +"Good-bye, doctor," said Garth, groping for his hand; "and I am sorry I +shall never be able to offer to paint Mrs. Mackenzie!" +</P> + +<P> +"You'd have to paint her with a shaggy head, four paws, and the softest +amber eyes in the world," said Dr. Rob tenderly; "and, looking out from +those eyes, the most faithful, loving dog-heart in creation. In all the +years we've kept house together she has never failed to meet me with a +welcome, never contradicted me or wanted the last word, and never +worried me for so much as the price of a bonnet. There's a woman for +you!—Well, good-bye, lad, and God Almighty bless you. And be careful +how you go. Do not be surprised if I look in again on my way back from +my rounds to see how you like that chair." +</P> + +<P> +Dr. Mackenzie held open the door. Jane passed noiselessly out before +him. He followed, signing to her to precede him down the stairs. +</P> + +<P> +In the library, Jane turned and faced him. He put her quietly into a +chair and stood before her. The bright blue eyes were moist, beneath +the shaggy brows. +</P> + +<P> +"My dear," he said, "I feel myself somewhat of a blundering old fool. +You must forgive me. I never contemplated putting you through such an +ordeal. I perfectly understand that, while he hesitated, you must have +felt your whole career at stake. I see you have been weeping; but you +must not take it too much to heart that our patient made so much of +your voice resembling this Miss Champion's. He will forget all about it +in a day or two, and you will be worth more to him than a dozen Miss +Champions. See what good you have done him already. Here he is wanting +to get up and explain his pictures to you. Never you fear. You will +soon win your way, and I shall be able to report to Sir Deryck what a +fine success you have made of the case. Now I must see the valet and +give him very full instructions. And I recommend you to go for a blow +on the moor and get an appetite for lunch. Only put on something warmer +than that. You will have no sick-room work to do; and having duly +impressed me with your washableness and serviceableness, you may as +well wear something comfortable to protect you from our Highland nip. +Have you warmer clothing with you?" +</P> + +<P> +"It is the rule of our guild to wear uniform," said Jane; "but I have a +grey merino." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, I see. Well, wear the grey merino. I shall return in two hours to +observe how he stands that move. Now, don't let me keep you." +</P> + +<P> +"Dr. Mackenzie," said Jane quietly, "may I ask why you described me as +fair; and my very straight, heavy, plainly coiled hair, as fluffy, +fly-away floss-silk?" +</P> + +<P> +Dr. Rob had already reached the bell, but at her question he stayed his +hand and, turning, met Jane's steadfast eyes with the shrewd turquoise +gleam of his own. +</P> + +<P> +"Why certainly you may ask, Nurse Rosemary Gray," he said, "though I +wonder you think it necessary to do so. It was of course perfectly +evident to me that, for reasons of his own, Sir Deryck wished to paint +an imaginary portrait of you to the patient, most likely representing +some known ideal of his. As the description was so different from the +reality, I concluded that, to make the portrait complete, the two +touches unfortunately left to me to supply, had better be as unlike +what I saw before me as the rest of the picture. And now, if you will +be good enough—" Dr. Rob rang the bell violently. +</P> + +<P> +"And why did you take the risk of suggesting that he should feel me?" +persisted Jane. +</P> + +<P> +"Because I knew he was a gentleman," shouted Dr. Rob angrily. "Oh, come +in, Simpson—come in, my good fellow—and shut that door! And God +Almighty be praised that He made you and me MEN, and not women!" +</P> + +<P> +A quarter of an hour later, Jane watched him drive away, thinking to +herself: "Deryck was right. But what a queer mixture of shrewdness and +obtuseness, and how marvellously it worked out to the furtherance of +our plans." +</P> + +<P> +But as she watched the dog-cart start off at a smart trot across the +moor, she would have been more than a little surprised could she have +overheard Dr. Rob's muttered remarks to himself, as he gathered up the +reins and cheered on his sturdy cob. He had a habit of talking over his +experiences, half aloud, as he drove from case to case; the two sides +of his rather complex nature apparently comparing notes with each +other. And the present conversation opened thus: +</P> + +<P> +"Now what has brought the Honourable Jane up here?" said Dr. Rob. +</P> + +<P> +"Dashed if I know," said Dr. Mackenzie. +</P> + +<P> +"You must not swear, laddie," said Dr. Rob; "you had a pious mother." +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap20"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XX +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +JANE REPORTS PROGRESS +</H3> + +<P> +Letter from the Honourable Jane Champion to Sir Deryck Brand. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +Castle Gleneesh, N. B. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +My dear Deryck: My wires and post-cards have not told you much beyond +the fact of my safe arrival. Having been here a fortnight, I think it +is time I sent you a report. Only you must remember that I am a poor +scribe. From infancy it has always been difficult to me to write +anything beyond that stock commencement: "I hope you are quite well;" +and I approach the task of a descriptive letter with an effort which is +colossal. And yet I wish I might, for once, borrow the pen of a ready +writer; because I cannot help knowing that I have been passing through +experiences such as do not often fall to the lot of a woman. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +Nurse Rosemary Gray is getting on capitally. She is making herself +indispensable to the patient, and he turns to her with a completeness +of confidence which causes her heart to swell with professional pride. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +Poor Jane has got no further than hearing, from his own lips, that she +is the very last person in the whole world he would wish should come +near him in his blindness. When she was suggested as a possible +visitor, he said: "Oh, my God, NO!" and his face was one wild, +horrified protest. So Jane is getting her horsewhipping, Boy, +and—according to the method of a careful and thoughtful judge, who +orders thirty lashes of the "cat," in three applications of ten—so is +Jane's punishment laid on at intervals; not more than she can bear at a +time; but enough to keep her heart continually sore, and her spirit in +perpetual dread. And you, dear, clever doctor, are proved perfectly +right in your diagnosis of the sentiment of the case. He says her pity +would be the last straw on his already heavy cross; and the expression +is an apt one, her pity for him being indeed a thing of straw. The only +pity she feels is pity for herself, thus hopelessly caught in the +meshes of her own mistake. But how to make him realise this, is the +puzzle. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +Do you remember how the Israelites were shut in, between Migdol and the +sea? I knew Migdol meant "towers," but I never understood the passage, +until I stood upon that narrow wedge of desert, with the Red Sea in +front and on the left; the rocky range of Gebel Attaka on the right, +towering up against the sky, like the weird shapes of an impregnable +fortress; the sole outlet or inlet behind, being the route they had +just travelled from Egypt, and along which the chariots and horsemen of +Pharaoh were then thundering in hot pursuit. Even so, Boy, is poor Jane +now tramping her patch of desert, which narrows daily to the measure of +her despair. Migdol is HIS certainty that HER love could only be pity. +The Red Sea is the confession into which she must inevitably plunge, to +avoid scaling Migdol; in the chill waters of which, as she drags him in +with her, his love is bound to drown, as waves of doubt and mistrust +sweep over its head,—doubts which he has lost the power of removing; +mistrust which he can never hope to prove to have been false and +mistaken. And behind come galloping the hosts of Pharaoh; chance, +speeding on the wheels of circumstance. At any moment some accident may +compel a revelation; and instantly HE will be scaling rocky Migdol, +with torn hands and bleeding feet; and she—poor Jane—floundering in +the depths of the Red Sea. O for a Moses, with divine commission, to +stretch out the rod of understanding love, making a safe way through; +so that together they might reach the Promised Land! Dear wise old Boy, +dare you undertake the role of Moses! +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +But here am I writing like a page of Baedeker, and failing to report on +actual facts. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +As you may suppose, Jane grows haggard and thin in spite of old +Margery's porridge—which is "put on" every day after lunch, for the +next morning's breakfast, and anybody passing "gives it a stir." Did +you know that was the right way to make porridge, Deryck? I always +thought it was made in five minutes, as wanted. Margery says that must +be the English stuff which profanely goes by the name. (N.B. Please +mark the self-control with which I repeat Scotch remarks, without +rushing into weird spelling; a senseless performance, it seems to me. +For if you know already how old Margery pronounces "porridge," you can +read her pronunciation into the sentence; and if you do not know it, no +grotesque spelling on my part could convey to your mind any but a +caricatured version of the pretty Scotch accent with which Margery +says: "Stir the porridge, Nurse Gray." In fact, I am agreeably +surprised at the ease with which I understand the natives, and the +pleasure I derive from their conversation; for, after wrestling with +one or two modern novels dealing with the Highlands, I had expected to +find the language an unknown tongue. Instead of which, lo! and behold, +old Margery, Maggie the housemaid, Macdonald the gardener, and +Macalister the game-keeper, all speak a rather purer English than I do; +far more carefully pronounced, and with every R sounded and rolled. +Their idioms are more characteristic than their accent. They say +"whenever" for "when," and use in their verbs several quaint variations +of tense.) +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +But what a syntactical digression! Oh, Boy, the wound at my heart is so +deep and so sore that I dread the dressings, even by your delicate +touch. Where was I? Ah, the porridge gave me my loophole of escape. +Well, as I was saying, Jane grows worn and thin, old Margery's porridge +notwithstanding; but Nurse Rosemary Gray is flourishing, and remains a +pretty, dainty little thing, with the additional charm of fluffy, +fly-away floss-silk, for hair,—Dr. Rob's own unaided contribution to +the fascinating picture. By the way, I was quite unprepared to find him +such a character. I learn much from Dr. Mackenzie, and I love Dr. Rob, +excepting on those occasions when I long to pick him up by the scruff +of his fawn overcoat and drop him out of the window. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +On the point of Nurse Rosemary's personal appearance, I found it best +to be perfectly frank with the household. You can have no conception +how often awkward moments arose; as, for instance, in the library, the +first time Garth came downstairs; when he ordered Simpson to bring the +steps for Miss Gray, and Simpson opened his lips to remark that Nurse +Gray could reach to the top shelf on her own tiptoes with the greatest +ease, he having just seen her do it. Mercifully, the perfect training +of an English man-servant saved the situation, and he merely said: +"Yessir; certainly sir," and looked upon, me, standing silently by, as +a person who evidently delighted in giving unnecessary trouble. Had it +been dear old Margery with her Scotch tongue, which starts slowly, but +gathers momentum as it rolls, and can never be arrested until the full +flood of her thought has been poured forth, I should have been +constrained to pick her up bodily in my dainty arms and carry her out. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +So I sent for Simpson and Margery to the dining-room that evening, when +the master was safely out of ear-shot, and told them that, for reasons +which I could not fully explain, a very incorrect description of my +appearance had been given him. He thought me small and slim; fair and +very pretty; and it was most important, in order to avoid long +explanations and mental confusion for him, that he should not at +present be undeceived. Simpson's expression of polite attention did not +vary, and his only comment was: "Certainly, miss. Quite so." But across +old Margery's countenance, while I was speaking, passed many shades of +opinion, which, fortunately, by the time I had finished, crystallized +into an approving smile of acquiescence. She even added her own +commentary: "And a very good thing, too, I am thinking. For Master +Garth, poor laddie, was always so set upon having beauty about him. +'Master Garthie,' I would say to him, when he had friends coming, and +all his ideas in talking over the dinner concerned the cleaning up of +the old silver, and putting out of Valentine glass and Worstered china; +'Master Garthie,' I would say, feeling the occasion called for the apt +quoting of Scripture, 'it appears to me your attention is given +entirely to the outside of the cup and platter, and you care nothing +for all the good things that lie within.' So it is just as well to keep +him deceived, Miss Gray." And then, as Simpson coughed tactfully behind +his hand, and nudged her very obviously with his elbow, she added, as a +sympathetic after-thought: "For, though a homey face may indeed be +redeemed by its kindly expression, you cannot very well explain +expression to the blind." So you see, Deryck, this shrewd old body, who +has known Garth from boyhood, would have entirely agreed with the +decision of three years ago. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +Well, to continue my report. The voice gave us some trouble, as you +foresaw, and the whole plan hung in the balance during a few awful +moments; for, though he easily accepted the explanation we had planned, +he sent me out, and told Dr. Mackenzie my voice in his room would +madden him. Dr. Rob was equal to the occasion, and won the day; and +Garth, having once given in, never mentioned the matter again. Only, +sometimes I see him listening and remembering. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +But Nurse Rosemary Gray has beautiful hours when poor anxious, yearning +Jane is shut out. For her patient turns to her, and depends on her, and +talks to her, and tries to reach her mind, and shows her his, and is a +wonderful person to live with and know. Jane, marching about in the +cold, outside, and hearing them talk, realises how little she +understood the beautiful gift which was laid at her feet; how little +she had grasped the nature and mind of the man whom she dismissed as "a +mere boy." Nurse Rosemary, sitting beside him during long sweet hours +of companionship, is learning it; and Jane, ramping up and down her +narrowing strip of desert, tastes the sirocco of despair. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +And now I come to the point of my letter, and, though I am a woman, I +will not put it in a postscript. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +Deryck, can you come up soon, to pay him a visit, and to talk to me? I +don't think I can bear it, unaided, much longer; and he would so enjoy +having you, and showing you how he had got on, and all the things he +had already learned to do. Also you might put in a word for Jane; or at +all events, get at his mind on the subject. Oh, Boy, if you COULD spare +forty-eight hours! And a breath of the moors would be good for you. +Also I have a little private plan, which depends largely for its +fulfilment on your coming. Oh, Boy—come! +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +Yours, needing you, +<BR> +Jeanette. +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +From Sir Deryck Brand to Nurse Rosemary Gray, Castle Gleneesh, N. B. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +Wimpole Street. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +My dear Jeanette: Certainly I will come. I will leave Euston on Friday +evening. I can spend the whole of Saturday and most of Sunday at +Gleneesh, but must be home in time for Monday's work. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +I will do my best, only, alas! I am not Moses, and do not possess his +wonder-working rod. Moreover, latest investigations have proved that +the Israelites could not have crossed at the place you mention, but +further north at the Bitter Lakes; a mere matter of detail, in no way +affecting the extreme appositeness of your illustration, rather, adding +to it; for I fear there are bitter waters ahead of you, my poor girl. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +Still I am hopeful, nay, more than hopeful,—confident. Often of late, +in connection with you, I have thought of the promise about all things +working together for good. Any one can make GOOD things work together +for good: but only the Heavenly Father can bring good out of evil; and, +taking all our mistakes and failings and foolishnesses, cause them to +work to our most perfect well-being. The more intricate and involved +this problem of human existence becomes, the greater the need to take +as our own clear rule of life: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; +and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge +Him, and He shall direct thy paths." Ancient marching orders, and +simple; but true, and therefore eternal. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +I am glad Nurse Rosemary is proving so efficient, but I hope we may not +have to face yet another complication in our problem. Suppose our +patient falls in love with dainty little Nurse Rosemary, where will +Jane be then? I fear the desert would have to open its mouth and +swallow her up. We must avert such a catastrophe. Could not Rosemary be +induced to drop an occasional H, or to confess herself as rather "gone" +on Simpson? +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +Oh, my poor old girl! I could not jest thus, were I not coming shortly +to your aid. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +How maddening it is! And you so priceless! But most men are either +fools or blind, and one is both. Trust me to prove it to him,—to my +own satisfaction and his,—if I get the chance. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +Yours always devotedly, +<BR> +Deryck Brand. +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +From Sir Deryck Brand to Dr. Robert Mackenzie. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +Dear Mackenzie: Do you consider it to be advisable that I should +shortly pay a visit to our patient at Gleneesh and give an opinion on +his progress? +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +I find I can make it possible to come north this week-end. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +I hope you are satisfied with the nurse I sent up. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +Yours very faithfully, +<BR> +Deryck Brand. +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +From Dr. Robert Mackenzie to Sir Deryck Brand. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +Dear Sir Deryck: Every possible need of the patient's is being met by +the capable lady you sent to be his nurse. I am no longer needed. Nor +are you—for the patient. But I deem it exceedingly advisable that you +should shortly pay a visit to the nurse, who is losing more flesh than +a lady of her proportions can well afford. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +Some secret care, besides the natural anxiety of having the +responsibility of this case, is wearing her out. She may confide in +you. She cannot quite bring herself to trust in +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +Your humble servant, +<BR> +Robert Mackenzie. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap21"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XXI +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +HARD ON THE SECRETARY +</H3> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary sat with her patient in the sunny library at Gleneesh. A +small table was between them, upon which lay a pile of letters—his +morning mail—ready for her to open, read to him, and pass across, +should there chance to be one among them he wished to touch or to keep +in his pocket. +</P> + +<P> +They were seated close to the French window opening on to the terrace; +the breeze, fragrant with the breath of spring flowers, blew about +them, and the morning sun streamed in. +</P> + +<P> +Garth, in white flannels, wearing a green tie and a button-hole of +primroses, lay back luxuriously, enjoying, with his rapidly quickening +senses, the scent of the flowers and the touch of the sun-beams. +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary finished reading a letter of her own, folded it, and put +it in her pocket with a feeling of thankful relief. Deryck was coming. +He had not failed her. +</P> + +<P> +"A man's letter, Miss Gray," said Garth unexpectedly. +</P> + +<P> +"Quite right," said Nurse Rosemary. "How did you know?" +</P> + +<P> +"Because it was on one sheet. A woman's letter on a matter of great +importance would have run to two, if not three. And that letter was on +a matter of importance." +</P> + +<P> +"Right again," said Nurse Rosemary, smiling. "And again, how did you +know?" +</P> + +<P> +"Because you gave a little sigh of relief after reading the first line, +and another, as you folded it and replaced it in the envelope." +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary laughed. "You are getting on so fast, Mr. Dalmain, that +soon we shall be able to keep no secrets. My letter was from—" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, don't tell me," cried Garth quickly, putting out his hand in +protest. "I had no idea of seeming curious as to your private +correspondence, Miss Gray. Only it is such a pleasure to report +progress to you in the things I manage to find out without being told." +</P> + +<P> +"But I meant to tell you anyway," said Nurse Rosemary. "The letter is +from Sir Deryck, and, amongst other things, he says he is coming up to +see you next Saturday." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, good!" said Garth. "And what a change he will find! And I shall +have the pleasure of reporting on the nurse, secretary, reader, and +unspeakably patient guide and companion he provided for me." Then he +added, in a tone of suddenly awakened anxiety: "He is not coming to +take you away, is he?" +</P> + +<P> +"No," said Nurse Rosemary, "not yet. But, Mr. Dalmain, I was wanting to +ask whether you could spare me just during forty-eight hours; and Dr. +Brand's visit would be an excellent opportunity. I could leave you more +easily, knowing you would have his companionship. If I may take the +week-end, leaving on Friday night, I could return early on Monday +morning, and be with you in time to do the morning letters. Dr. Brand +would read you Saturday's and Sunday's—Ah, I forgot; there is no +Sunday post. So I should miss but one; and he would more than take my +place in other ways." +</P> + +<P> +"Very well," said Garth, striving not to show disappointment. "I should +have liked that we three should have talked together. But no wonder you +want a time off. Shall you be going far?" +</P> + +<P> +"No; I have friends near by. And now, do you wish to attend to your +letters?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said Garth, reaching out his hand. "Wait a minute. There is a +newspaper among them. I smell the printing ink. I don't want that. But +kindly give me the rest." +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary took out the newspaper; then pushed the pile along, +until it touched his hand. +</P> + +<P> +Garth took them. "What a lot!" he said, smiling in pleasurable +anticipation. "I say, Miss Gray, if you profit as you ought to do by +the reading of so many epistles written in every possible and +impossible style, you ought to be able to bring out a pretty +comprehensive 'Complete Letter-writer.' Do you remember the condolences +of Mrs. Parker-Bangs? I think that was the first time we really laughed +together. Kind old soul! But she should not have mentioned blind +Bartimaeus dipping seven times in the pool of Siloam. It is always best +to avoid classical allusions, especially if sacred, unless one has them +accurately. Now—" Garth paused. +</P> + +<P> +He had been handling his letters, one by one; carefully fingering each, +before laying it on the table beside him. He had just come to one +written on foreign paper, and sealed. He broke off his sentence +abruptly, held the letter silently for a moment, then passed his +fingers slowly over the seal. +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary watched him anxiously. He made no remark, but after a +moment laid it down and took up the next. But when he passed the pile +across to her, he slipped the sealed letter beneath the rest, so that +she should come to it last of all. +</P> + +<P> +Then the usual order of proceedings commenced. Garth lighted a +cigarette—one of the first things he had learned to do for +himself—and smoked contentedly, carefully placing his ash-tray, and +almost unfailingly locating the ash, in time and correctly. +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary took up the first letter, read the postmark, and +described the writing on the envelope. Garth guessed from whom it came, +and was immensely pleased if, on opening, his surmise proved correct. +There were nine to-day, of varying interest,—some from men friends, +one or two from charming women who professed themselves ready to come +and see him as soon as he wished for visitors, one from a blind asylum +asking for a subscription, a short note from the doctor heralding his +visit, and a bill for ties from a Bond Street shop. +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary's fingers shook as she replaced the eighth in its +envelope. The last of the pile lay on the table. As she took it up, +Garth with a quick movement flung his cigarette-end through the window, +and lay back, shading his face with his hand. +</P> + +<P> +"Did I shoot straight, nurse?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +She leaned forward and saw the tiny column of blue smoke rising from +the gravel. +</P> + +<P> +"Quite straight," she said. "Mr. Dalmain, this letter has an Egyptian +stamp, and the postmark is Cairo. It is sealed with scarlet +sealing-wax, and the engraving on the seal is a plumed helmet with the +visor closed." +</P> + +<P> +"And the writing?" asked Garth, mechanically and very quietly. +</P> + +<P> +"The handwriting is rather bold and very clear, with no twirls or +flourishes. It is written with a broad nib." +</P> + +<P> +"Will you kindly open it, nurse, and tell me the signature before +reading the rest of the letter." +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary fought with her throat, which threatened to close +altogether and stifle her voice. She opened the letter, turned to the +last page, and found the signature. +</P> + +<P> +"It is signed 'Jane Champion,' Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary. +</P> + +<P> +"Read it, please," said Garth quietly. And Nurse Rosemary began. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +Dear Dal: What CAN I write? If I were with you, there would be so much +I could say; but writing is so difficult, so impossible. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +I know it is harder for you than it would have been for any of us; but +you will be braver over it than we should have been, and you will come +through splendidly, and go on thinking life beautiful, and making it +seem so to other people. <I>I</I> never thought it so until that summer at +Overdene and Shenstone when you taught me the perception of beauty. +Since then, in every sunset and sunrise, in the blue-green of the +Atlantic, the purple of the mountains, the spray of Niagara, the cherry +blossom of Japan, the golden deserts of Egypt, I have thought of you, +and understood them better, because of you. Oh, Dal! I should like to +come and tell you all about them, and let you see them through my eyes; +and then you would widen out my narrow understanding of them, and show +them again to me in greater loveliness. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +I hear you receive no visitors; but cannot you make just one exception, +and let me come? +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +I was at the Great Pyramid when I heard. I was sitting on the piazza +after dinner. The moonlight called up memories. I had just made up my +mind to give up the Nile, and to come straight home, and write asking +you to come and see me; when General Loraine turned up, with an English +paper and a letter from Myra, and—I heard. Would you have come, Garth? +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +And now, my friend, as you cannot come to me, may I come to you? If you +just say: "COME," I will come from any part of the world where I may +chance to be when the message reaches me. Never mind this Egyptian +address. I shall not be there when you are hearing this. Direct to me +at my aunt's town house. All my letters go there, and are forwarded +unopened. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +LET ME COME. And oh, do believe that I know something of how hard it is +for you. But God can "enable." +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +Believe me to be, +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +Yours, more than I can write, +<BR> +Jane Champion. +</P> + +<P> +Garth removed the hand which had been shielding his face. +</P> + +<P> +"If you are not tired, Miss Gray, after reading so many letters, I +should like to dictate my answer to that one immediately, while it is +fresh in my mind. Have you paper there? Thank you. May we begin?— Dear +Miss Champion ... I am deeply touched by your kind letter of sympathy +... It was especially good of you to write to me from so far away amid +so much which might well have diverted your attention from friends at +home." +</P> + +<P> +A long pause. Nurse Rosemary Gray waited, pen in hand, and hoped the +beating of her heart was only in her own ears, and not audible across +the small table. +</P> + +<P> +"I am glad you did not give up the Nile trip but—" +</P> + +<P> +An early bee hummed in from the hyacinths and buzzed against the pane. +Otherwise the room was very still. +</P> + +<P> +—"but of course, if you had sent for me I should have come." +</P> + +<P> +The bee fought the window angrily, up and down, up and down, for +several minutes; then found the open glass and whirled out into the +sunshine, joyfully. +</P> + +<P> +Absolute silence in the room, until Garth's quiet voice broke it as he +went on dictating. +</P> + +<P> +"It is more than kind of you to suggest coming to see me, but—" +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary dropped her pen. "Oh, Mr. Dalmain," she said, "let her +come." +</P> + +<P> +Garth turned upon her a face of blank surprise. +</P> + +<P> +"I do not wish it," he said, in a tone of absolute finality. +</P> + +<P> +"But think how hard it must be for any one to want so much to be near +a—a friend in trouble, and to be kept away." +</P> + +<P> +"It is only her wonderful kindness of heart makes her offer to come, +Miss Gray. She is a friend and comrade of long ago. It would greatly +sadden her to see me thus." +</P> + +<P> +"It does not seem so to her," pleaded Nurse Rosemary. "Ah, cannot you +read between the lines? Or does it take a woman's heart to understand a +woman's letter? Did I read it badly? May I read it over again?" +</P> + +<P> +A look of real annoyance gathered upon Garth's face. He spoke with +quiet sternness, a frown bending his straight black brows. +</P> + +<P> +"You read it quite well," he said, "but you do not do well to discuss +it. I must feel able to dictate my letters to my secretary, without +having to explain them." +</P> + +<P> +"I beg your pardon, sir," said Nurse Rosemary humbly. "I was wrong." +</P> + +<P> +Garth stretched his hand across the table, and left it there a moment; +though no responsive hand was placed within it. +</P> + +<P> +"Never mind," he said, with his winning smile, "my kind little mentor +and guide. You can direct me in most things, but not in this. Now let +us conclude. Where were we? Ah—'to suggest coming to see me.' Did you +put `It is most kind' or `It is more than kind?'" +</P> + +<P> +"'More than kind,'" said Nurse Rosemary, brokenly. +</P> + +<P> +"Right, for it is indeed more than kind. Only she and I can possibly +know how much more. Now let us go on ... But I am receiving no +visitors, and do not desire any until I have so mastered my new +circumstances that the handicap connected with them shall neither be +painful nor very noticeable to other people. During the summer I shall +be learning step by step to live this new life, in complete seclusion +at Gleneesh. I feel sure my friends will respect my wish in this +matter. I have with me one who most perfectly and patiently is +helping—Ah, wait!" cried Garth suddenly. "I will not say that. She +might think—she might misunderstand. Had you begun to write it? No? +What was the last word? 'Matter?' Ah yes. That is right. Full stop +after 'matter.' Now let me think." +</P> + +<P> +Garth dropped his face into his hands, and sat for a long time absorbed +in thought. +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary waited. Her right hand held the pen poised over the +paper. Her left was pressed against her breast. Her eyes rested on that +dark bowed head, with a look of unutterable yearning and of passionate +tenderness. At last Garth lifted his face. "Yours very sincerely, Garth +Dalmain;" he said. And, silently, Nurse Rosemary wrote it. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap22"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XXII +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +DR. ROB TO THE RESCUE +</H3> + +<P> +Into the somewhat oppressive silence which followed the addressing and +closing of the envelope, broke the cheery voice of Dr. Rob. +</P> + +<P> +"Which is the patient to-day? The lady or the gentleman? Ah, neither, I +see. Both flaunt the bloom of perfect health and make the doctor shy. +It is spring without, but summer within," ran on Dr. Rob gaily, +wondering why both faces were so white and perturbed, and why there was +in the air a sense of hearts in torment. "Flannels seem to call up +boating and picnic parties; and I see you have discarded the merino, +Nurse Gray, and returned to the pretty blue washables. More becoming, +undoubtedly; only, don't take cold; and be sure you feed up well. In +this air people must eat plenty, and you have been perceptibly losing +weight lately. We don't want TOO airy-fairy dimensions." +</P> + +<P> +"Why do you always chaff Miss Gray about being small, Dr. Rob?" asked +Garth, in a rather vexed tone. "I am sure being short is in no way +detrimental to her." +</P> + +<P> +"I will chaff her about being tall if you like," said Dr. Rob, looking +at her with a wicked twinkle, as she stood in the window, drawn up to +her full height, and regarding him with cold disapproval. +</P> + +<P> +"I would sooner no comments of any kind were made upon her personal +appearance," said Garth shortly; then added, more pleasantly: "You see, +she is just a voice to me—a kind, guiding voice. At first I used to +form mental pictures of her, of a hazy kind; but now I prefer to +appropriate in all its helpfulness what I DO know, and leave unimagined +what I do not. Did it ever strike you that she is the only person—bar +that fellow Johnson, who belongs to a nightmare time I am quickly +forgetting—I have yet had near me, in my blindness, whom I had not +already seen; the only voice I have ever heard to which I could not put +a face and figure? In time, of course, there will be many. At present +she stands alone to me in this." +</P> + +<P> +Dr. Rob's observant eye had been darting about during this explanation, +seeking to focus itself upon something worthy of minute examination. +Suddenly he spied the foreign letter lying close beside him on the +table. +</P> + +<P> +"Hello!" he said. "Pyramids? The Egyptian stamp? That's interesting. +Have you friends out there, Mr. Dalmain?" +</P> + +<P> +"That letter came from Cairo," Garth replied; "but I believe Miss +Champion has by now gone on to Syria." Dr. Rob attacked his moustache, +and stared at the letter meditatively. "Champion?" he repeated. +"Champion? It's an uncommon name. Is your correspondent, by any chance, +the Honourable Jane?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why, that letter is from her," replied Garth, surprised. "Do you know +her?" His voice vibrated eagerly. +</P> + +<P> +"Well," answered Dr. Rob, with slow deliberation, "I know her face, and +I know her voice; I know her figure, and I know a pretty good deal of +her character. I know her at home, and I know her abroad. I've seen her +under fire, which is more than most men of her acquaintance can claim. +But there is one thing I never knew until to-day and that is her +handwriting. May I examine this envelope?" He turned to the +window;—yes, this audacious little Scotchman had asked the question of +Nurse Rosemary. But only a broad blue back met his look of inquiry. +Nurse Rosemary was studying the view. He turned back to Garth, who had +evidently already made a sign of assent, and on whose face was clearly +expressed an eager desire to hear more, and an extreme disinclination +to ask for it. +</P> + +<P> +Dr. Mackenzie took up the envelope and pondered it. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," he said, at last, "it is like her,—clear, firm, unwavering; +knowing what it means to say, and saying it; going where it means to +go, and getting there. Ay, lad, it's a grand woman that; and if you +have the Honourable Jane for your friend, you can be doing without a +few other things." +</P> + +<P> +A tinge of eager colour rose in Garth's thin cheeks. He had been so +starved in his darkness for want of some word concerning her, from that +outer light in which she moved. He had felt so hopelessly cut off from +all chance of hearing of her. And all the while, if only he had known +it, old Robbie could have talked of her. He had had to question Brand +so cautiously, fearing to betray his secret and hers; but with Dr. Rob +and Nurse Gray no such precautions were needed. He could safely guard +his secret, and yet listen and speak. +</P> + +<P> +"Where—when?" asked Garth. +</P> + +<P> +"I will tell you where, and I will tell you when," answered Dr. Rob, +"if you feel inclined for a war tale on this peaceful spring morning." +</P> + +<P> +Garth was aflame With eagerness. "Have you a chair, doctor?" he said. +"And has Miss Gray a chair?" +</P> + +<P> +"I have no chair, sir," said Dr. Rob, "because when I intend thoroughly +to enjoy my own eloquence it is my custom to stand. Nurse Gray has no +chair, because she is standing at the window absorbed in the view. She +has apparently ceased to pay any heed to you and me. You will very +rarely find one woman take much interest in tales about another. But +you lean back in your own chair, laddie, and light a cigarette. And a +wonderful thing it is to see you do it, too, and better than pounding +the wall. Eh? All of which we may consider we owe to the lady who +disdains us and prefers the scenery. Well, I'm not much to look at, +goodness knows; and she can see you all the rest of the day. Now that's +a brand worth smoking. What do you call it—'Zenith'? Ah, and +'Marcovitch.' Yes; you can't better that for drawing-room and garden +purposes. It mingles with the flowers. Lean back and enjoy it, while I +smell gun-powder. For I will tell you where I first saw the Honourable +Jane. Out in South Africa, in the very thick of the Boer war. I had +volunteered for the sake of the surgery experience. She was out there, +nursing; but the real thing, mind you. None of your dabbling in +eau-de-cologne with lace handkerchiefs, and washing handsome faces when +the orderlies had washed them already; making charming conversation to +men who were getting well, but fleeing in dread from the dead or the +dying. None of that, you may be sure, and none of that allowed in her +hospital; for Miss Champion was in command there, and I can tell you +she made them scoot. She did the work of ten, and expected others to do +it too. Doctors and orderlies adored her. She was always called 'The +Honourable Jane,' most of the men sounding the H and pronouncing the +title as four syllables. Ay, and the wounded soldiers! There was many a +lad out there, far from home and friends, who, when death came, died +with a smile on his lips, and a sense of mother and home quite near, +because the Honourable Jane's arm was around him, and his dying head +rested against her womanly breast. Her voice when she talked to them? +No,—that I shall never forget. And to hear her snap at the women, and +order along the men; and then turn and speak to a sick Tommy as his +mother or his sweetheart would have wished to hear him spoken to, was a +lesson in quick-change from which I am profiting still. And that big, +loving heart must often have been racked; but she was always brave and +bright. Just once she broke down. It was over a boy whom she tried hard +to save—quite a youngster. She had held him during the operation which +was his only chance; and when it proved no good, and he lay back +against her unconscious, she quite broke down and said: 'Oh, doctor,—a +mere boy—and to suffer so, and then die like this!' and gathered him +to her, and wept over him, as his own mother might have done. The +surgeon told me of it himself. He said the hardest hearts in the tent +were touched and softened. But, it was the only time the Honourable +Jane broke down." +</P> + +<P> +Garth shielded his face with his hand. His half-smoked cigarette fell +unheeded to the floor. The hand that had held it was clenched on his +knee. Dr. Rob picked it up, and rubbed the scorched spot on the carpet +carefully with his foot. He glanced towards the window. Nurse Rosemary +had turned and was leaning against the frame. She did not look at him, +but her eyes dwelt with troubled anxiety on Garth. +</P> + +<P> +"I came across her several times, at different centres," continued Dr. +Rob; "but we were not in the same departments, and she spoke to me only +once. I had ridden in, from a temporary overflow sort of place where we +were dealing with the worst cases straight off the field, to the main +hospital in the town for a fresh supply of chloroform. While they +fetched it, I walked round the ward, and there in a corner was Miss +Champion, kneeling beside a man whose last hour was very near, talking +to him quietly, and taking measures at the same time to ease his pain. +Suddenly there came a crash—a deafening rush—and another crash, and +the Honourable Jane and her patient were covered with dust and +splinters. A Boer shell had gone clean through the roof just over their +heads. The man sat up, yelling with fear. Poor chap, you couldn't blame +him; dying, and half under morphine. The Honourable Jane never turned a +hair. 'Lie down, my man,' she said, 'and keep still.' 'Not here,' +sobbed the man. 'All right,' said the Honourable Jane; 'we will soon +move you.' Then she turned and saw me. I was in the most nondescript +khaki, a non-com's jacket which I had caught up on leaving the tent, +and various odds and ends of my outfit which had survived the wear and +tear of the campaign. Also I was dusty with a long gallop. 'Here, +serjeant,' she said, 'lend a hand with this poor fellow. I can't have +him disturbed just now.' That was Jane's only comment on the passing of +a shell within a few yards of her own head. Do you wonder the men +adored her? She placed her hands beneath his shoulders, and signed to +me to take him under the knees, and together we carried him round a +screen, out of the ward, and down a short passage; turning unexpectedly +into a quiet little room, with a comfortable bed, and photographs and +books arranged on the tiny dressing-table. She said: 'Here, if you +please, serjeant,' and we laid him on the bed. 'Whose is it?' I asked. +She looked surprised at being questioned, but seeing I was a stranger, +answered civilly: 'Mine.' And then, noting that he had dozed off while +we carried him, added: 'And he will have done with beds, poor chap, +before I need it.' There's nerve for you!—Well, that was my only +conversation out there with the Honourable Jane. Soon after I had had +enough and came home." +</P> + +<P> +Garth lifted his head. "Did you ever meet her at home?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +"I did," said Dr. Rob. "But she did not remember me. Not a flicker of +recognition. Well, how could I expect it? I wore a beard out there; no +time to shave; and my jacket proclaimed me a serjeant, not a surgeon. +No fault of hers if she did not expect to meet a comrade from the front +in the wilds of—of Piccadilly," finished Dr. Rob lamely. "Now, having +spun so long a yarn, I must be off to your gardener's cot in the wood, +to see his good wife, who has had what he pathetically calls 'an +increase.' I should think a decrease would have better suited the size +of his house. But first I must interview Mistress Margery in the +dining-room. She is anxious about herself just now because she 'canna +eat bacon.' She says it flies between her shoulders. So erratic a +deviation from its normal route on the part of the bacon, undoubtedly +requires investigation. So, by your leave, I will ring for the good +lady." +</P> + +<P> +"Not just yet, doctor," said a quiet voice from the window. "I want to +see you in the dining-room, and will follow you there immediately. And +afterwards, while you investigate Margery, I will run up for my bonnet, +and walk with you through the woods, if Mr. Dalmain will not mind an +hour alone." +</P> + +<P> +When Jane reached the dining-room, Dr. Robert Mackenzie was standing on +the hearth-rug in a Napoleonic attitude, just as on the morning of +their first interview. He looked up uncertainly as she came in. +</P> + +<P> +"Well?" he said. "Am I to pay the piper?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane came straight to him, with both hands extended. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, serjeant!" she said. "You dear faithful old serjeant! See what +comes of wearing another man's coat. And my dilemma comes from taking +another woman's name. So you knew me all the time, from the first +moment I came into the room?" +</P> + +<P> +"From the first moment you entered the room," assented Dr. Rob. +</P> + +<P> +"Why did you not say so?" asked Jane. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I concluded you had your reasons for being 'Nurse Rosemary +Gray,' and it did not come within my province to question your +identity." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, you dear!" said Jane. "Was there ever anything so shrewd, and so +wise, and so bewilderingly far-seeing, standing on two legs on a +hearth-rug before! And when I remember how you said: 'So you have +arrived, Nurse Gray?' and all the while you might have been saying. +'How do you do, Miss Champion? And what brings you up here under +somebody else's name?" +</P> + +<P> +"I might have so said," agreed Dr. Rob reflectively; "but praise be, I +did not." +</P> + +<P> +"But tell me" said Jane "why let it out now?" +</P> + +<P> +Dr. Rob laid his hand on her arm. "My dear, I am an old fellow, and all +my life I have made it my business to know, without being told. You +have been coming through a strain,—a prolonged period of strain, +sometimes harder, sometimes easier, but never quite relaxed,—a strain +such as few women could have borne. It was not only with him; you had +to keep it up towards us all. I knew, if it were to continue, you must +soon have the relief of some one with whom to share the secret,—some +one towards whom you could be yourself occasionally. And when I found +you had been writing to him here, sending the letter to be posted in +Cairo (how like a woman, to strain at a gnat, after swallowing such a +camel!), awaiting its return day after day, then obliged to read it to +him yourself, and take down his dictated answer, which I gathered from +your faces when I entered was his refusal of your request to come and +see him, well, it seemed to me about time you were made to realise that +you might as well confide in an old fellow who, in common with all the +men who knew you in South Africa, would gladly give his right hand for +the Honourable Jane." +</P> + +<P> +Jane looked at him, her eyes full of gratitude. For the moment she +could not speak. +</P> + +<P> +"But tell me, my dear," said Dr. Rob, "tell me, if you can: why does +the lad put from him so firmly that which, if indeed it might be his +for the asking, would mean for him so great, so wonderful, so +comforting a good?" +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, doctor," said Jane, "thereby hangs a tale of sad mistrust and +mistake, and the mistrust and mistake, alas, were mine. Now, while you +see Margery, I will prepare for walking; and as we go through the wood +I will try to tell you the woeful thing which came between him and me +and placed our lives so far apart. Your wise advice will help me, and +your shrewd knowledge of men and of the human heart may find us a way +out, for indeed we are shut in between Migdol and the sea." +</P> + +<P> +As Jane crossed the hall and was about to mount the stairs, she looked +towards the closed library door. A sudden fear seized her, lest the +strain of listening to that tale of Dr. Rob's had been too much for +Garth. None but she could know all it must have awakened of memory to +be told so vividly of the dying soldiers whose heads were pillowed on +her breast, and the strange coincidence of those words, "A mere +boy—and to suffer so!" She could not leave the house without being +sure he was safe and well. And yet she instinctively feared to intrude +when he imagined himself alone for an hour. +</P> + +<P> +Then Jane, in her anxiety, did a thing she had never done before. She +opened the front door noiselessly, passed round the house to the +terrace, and when approaching the open window of the library, trod on +the grass border, and reached it without making the faintest sound. +</P> + +<P> +Never before had she come upon him unawares, knowing he hated and +dreaded the thought of an unseen intrusion on his privacy. +</P> + +<P> +But now—just this once— +</P> + +<P> +Jane looked in at the window. +</P> + +<P> +Garth sat sideways in the chair, his arms folded on the table beside +him, his face buried in them. He was sobbing as she had sometimes heard +men sob after agonising operations, borne without a sound until the +worst was over. And Garth's sob of agony was this: "OH, MY WIFE—MY +WIFE—MY WIFE!" +</P> + +<P> +Jane crept away. How she did it she never knew. But some instinct told +her that to reveal herself then, taking him at a disadvantage, when Dr. +Rob's story had unnerved and unmanned him, would be to ruin all. "IF +YOU VALUE YOUR ULTIMATE HAPPINESS AND HIS," Deryck's voice always +sounded in warning. Besides, it was such a short postponement. In the +calm earnest thought which would succeed this storm, his need of her, +would win the day. The letter, not yet posted, would be rewritten. He +would say "COME"—and the next minute he would be in her arms. +</P> + +<P> +So Jane turned noiselessly away. +</P> + +<P> +Coming in, an hour later, from her walk with Dr. Rob, her heart filled +with glad anticipation, she found him standing in the window, listening +to the countless sounds he was learning to distinguish. He looked so +slim and tall and straight in his white flannels, both hands thrust +deep into the pockets of his coat, that when he turned at her approach +it seemed to her as if the shining eyes MUST be there. +</P> + +<P> +"Was it lovely in the woods?" he asked. "Simpson shall take me up there +after lunch. Meanwhile, is there time, if you are not tired, Miss Gray, +to finish our morning's work?" +</P> + +<P> +Five letters were dictated and a cheque written. Then Jane noticed that +hers to him had gone from among the rest. But his to her lay on the +table ready for stamping. She hesitated. +</P> + +<P> +"And about the letter to Miss Champion?" she said. "Do you wish it to +go as it is, Mr. Dalmain?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why certainly," he said. "Did we not finish it?" +</P> + +<P> +"I thought," said Jane nervously, looking away from his blank face, "I +thought perhaps—after Dr. Rob's story—you might—" +</P> + +<P> +"Dr. Rob's story could make no possible difference as to whether I +should let her come here or not," said Garth emphatically; then added +more gently: "It only reminded me—" +</P> + +<P> +"Of what?" asked Jane, her hands upon her breast. +</P> + +<P> +"Of what a glorious woman she is," said Garth Dalmain, and blew a long, +steady cloud of smoke into the summer air. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap23"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XXIII +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE ONLY WAY +</H3> + +<P> +When Deryck Brand alighted at the little northern wayside station, he +looked up and down the gravelled platform, more than half expecting to +see Jane. The hour was early, but she invariably said "So much the +better" to any plan which involved rising earlier than usual. Nothing +was to be seen, however, but his portmanteau in the distance—looking +as if it had taken up a solitary and permanent position where the guard +had placed it—and one slow porter, who appeared to be overwhelmed by +the fact that he alone was on duty to receive the train. +</P> + +<P> +There were no other passengers descending; there was no other baggage +to put out. The guard swung up into his van as the train moved off. +</P> + +<P> +The old porter, shading his eyes from the slanting rays of the morning +sun, watched the train glide round the curve and disappear from sight; +then slowly turned and looked the other way,—as if to make sure there +was not another coming,—saw the portmanteau, and shambled towards it. +He stood looking down upon it pensively, then moved slowly round, +apparently reading the names and particulars of all the various +continental hotels at which the portmanteau had recently stayed with +its owner. +</P> + +<P> +Dr. Brand never hurried people, He always said: "It answers best, in +the long run, to let them take their own time. The minute or two gained +by hurrying them is lost in the final results." But this applied +chiefly to patients in the consulting-room; to anxious young students +in hospital; or to nurses, too excitedly conscious at first of the fact +that he was talking to them, to take in fully what he was saying. His +habit of giving people, even in final moments, the full time they +wanted, had once lost him an overcoat, almost lost him a train, and won +him the thing in life he most desired. But that belongs to another +story. +</P> + +<P> +Meanwhile he wanted his breakfast on this fresh spring morning. And he +wanted to see Jane. Therefore, as porter and portmanteau made no +advance towards him, the doctor strode down the platform. +</P> + +<P> +"Now then, my man!" he called. +</P> + +<P> +"I beg your pardon?" said the Scotch porter. +</P> + +<P> +"I want my portmanteau." +</P> + +<P> +"Would this be your portmanteau?" inquired the porter doubtfully. +</P> + +<P> +"It would," said the doctor. "And it and I would be on our way to +Castle Gleneesh, if you would be bringing it out and putting it into +the motor, which I see waiting outside." +</P> + +<P> +"I will be fetching a truck," said the porter. But when he returned, +carefully trundling it behind him, the doctor, the portmanteau, and the +motor were all out of sight. +</P> + +<P> +The porter shaded his eyes and gazed up the road. +</P> + +<P> +"I will be hoping it WAS his portmanteau," he said, and went back to +his porridge. +</P> + +<P> +Meanwhile the doctor sped up into the hills, his mind alight with +eagerness to meet Jane and to learn the developments of the last few +days. Her non-appearance at the railway station filled him with an +undefinable anxiety. It would have been so like Jane to have been +there, prompt to seize the chance of a talk with him alone before he +reached the house. He had called up, in anticipation, such a vivid +picture of her, waiting on the platform,—bright, alert, vigorous, with +that fresh and healthy vigour which betokens a good night's rest, a +pleasant early awakening, and a cold tub recently enjoyed,—and the +disappointment of not seeing her had wrought in him a strange +foreboding. What if her nerve had given way under the strain? +</P> + +<P> +They turned a bend in the winding road, and the grey turrets of +Gleneesh came in sight, high up on the other side of the glen, the moor +stretching away behind and above it. As they wound up the valley to the +moorland road which would bring them round to the house, the doctor +could see, in the clear morning light, the broad lawn and terrace of +Gleneesh, with its gay flower-beds, smooth gravelled walks, and broad +stone parapet, from which was a drop almost sheer down into the glen +below. +</P> + +<P> +Simpson received him at the hall door; and he just stopped himself in +time, as he was about to ask for Miss Champion. This perilous approach +to a slip reminded him how carefully he must guard words and actions in +this house, where Jane had successfully steered her intricate course. +He would never forgive himself if he gave her away. +</P> + +<P> +"Mr. Dalmain is in the library, Sir Deryck," said Simpson; and it was a +very alert, clear-headed doctor who followed the man across the hall. +</P> + +<P> +Garth rose from his chair and walked forward to meet him, his right +hand outstretched, a smile of welcome on his face, and so direct and +unhesitating a course that the doctor had to glance at the sightless +face to make sure that this lithe, graceful, easy-moving figure was +indeed the blind man he had come to see. Then he noticed a length of +brown silk cord stretched from an arm of the chair Garth had quitted to +the door. Garth's left hand had slipped lightly along it as he walked. +</P> + +<P> +The doctor put his hand into the one outstretched, and gripped it +warmly. +</P> + +<P> +"My dear fellow! What a change!" +</P> + +<P> +"Isn't it?" said Garth delightedly. "And it is entirely she who has +worked it,—the capital little woman you sent up to me. I want to tell +you how first-rate she is." He had reached his chair again, and found +and drew forward for the doctor the one in which Jane usually sat, +"this is her own idea." He unhitched the cord, and let it fall to the +floor, a fine string remaining attached to it and to the chair, by +which he could draw it up again at will. "There is one on this side +leading to the piano, and one here to the window. Now how should you +know them apart?" +</P> + +<P> +"They are brown, purple, and orange," replied the doctor. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said Garth. "You know them by the colours, but I distinguish +them by a slight difference in the thickness and in the texture, which +you could not see, but which I can feel. And I enjoy thinking of the +colours, too. And sometimes I wear ties and things to match them. You +see, I know exactly how they look; and it was so like her to remember +that. An ordinary nurse would have put red, green, and blue, and I +should have sat and hated the thought of them knowing how vilely they +must be clashing with my Persian carpet. But she understands how much +colours mean to me, even though I cannot see them." +</P> + +<P> +"I conclude that by 'she' you mean Nurse Rosemary," said the doctor. "I +am glad she is a success." +</P> + +<P> +"A success!" exclaimed Garth. "Why, she helped me to live again! I am +ashamed to remember how at the bottom of all things I was when you came +up before, Brand,—just pounding the wall, as old Robbie expresses it. +You must have thought me a fool and a coward." +</P> + +<P> +"I thought you neither, my dear fellow. You were coming through a +stiffer fight than any of us have been called to face. Thank God, you +have won." +</P> + +<P> +"I owe a lot to you, Brand, and still more to Miss Gray. I wish she +were here to see you. She is away for the week-end." +</P> + +<P> +"Away! J—just now?" exclaimed the doctor, almost surprised into +another slip. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes; she went last night. She is week-ending in the neighbourhood. She +said she was not going far, and should be back with me early on Monday +morning. But she seemed to want a change of scene, and thought this a +good opportunity, as I shall have you here most of the time. I say, +Brand, I do think it is extraordinarily good of you to come all this +way to see me. You know, from such a man as yourself it is almost +overwhelming." +</P> + +<P> +"You must not be overwhelmed, my dear chap; and, though I very truly +came to see you, I am also up, about another old friend in the near +neighbourhood in whom I am interested. I only mention this in order to +be quite honest, and to lift from off you any possible burden of +feeling yourself my only patient." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, thanks!" said Garth. "It lessens my compunction without +diminishing my gratitude. And now you must be wanting a brush up and +breakfast, and here am I selfishly keeping you from both. And I say, +Brand,"—Garth coloured hotly, boyishly, and hesitated,—"I am awfully +sorry you will have no companion at your meals, Miss Gray being away. I +do not like to think of you having them alone, but I—I always have +mine by myself. Simpson attends to them." +</P> + +<P> +He could not see the doctor's quick look of comprehension, but the +understanding sympathy of the tone in which he said: "Ah, yes. Yes, of +course," without further comment, helped Garth to add: "I couldn't even +have Miss Gray with me. We always take our meals apart. You cannot +imagine how awful it is chasing your food all round your plate, and +never sure it is not on the cloth, after all, or on your tie, while you +are hunting for it elsewhere." +</P> + +<P> +"No, I can't imagine," said the doctor. "No one could who had not been +through it. But can you bear it better with Simpson than with Nurse +Rosemary? She is trained to that sort of thing, you know." +</P> + +<P> +Garth coloured again. "Well, you see, Simpson is the chap who shaves +me, and gets me into my clothes, and takes me about; and, though it +will always be a trial, it is a trial to which I am growing accustomed. +You might put it thus: Simpson is eyes to my body; Miss Gray is vision +to my mind. Simpson's is the only touch which cores to me in the +darkness. Do you know, Miss Gray has never touched me,—not even to +shake hands. I am awfully glad of this. I will tell you why presently, +if I may. It makes her just a MIND and VOICE to me, and nothing more; +but a wonderfully kind and helpful voice. I feel as if I could not live +without her." +</P> + +<P> +Garth rang the bell and Simpson appeared. +</P> + +<P> +"Take Sir Deryck to his room; and he will tell you what time he would +like breakfast. And when you have seen to it all, Simpson, I will go +out for a turn. Then I shall be free, Brand, when you are. But do not +give me any more time this morning if you ought to be resting, or out +on the moors having a holiday from minds and men." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor tubbed and got into his knickerbockers and an old Norfolk +jacket; then found his way to the dining-room, and did full justice to +an excellent breakfast. He was still pondering the problem of Jane, and +at the same time wondering in another compartment of his mind in what +sort of machine old Margery made her excellent coffee, when that good +lady appeared, enveloped in an air of mystery, and the doctor +immediately propounded the question. +</P> + +<P> +"A jug," said old Margery. "And would you be coming with me, Sir +Deryck,—and softly, whenever you have finished your breakfast?" +</P> + +<P> +"Softly," said Margery again, as they crossed the hall, the doctor's +tall figure closely following in her portly wake. After mounting a few +stairs she turned to whisper impressively: "It is not what ye make it +IN; it is HOW ye make it." She ascended a few more steps, then turned +to say: "It all hangs upon the word FRESH," and went on mounting. +"Freshly roasted—freshly ground—water—freshly-boiled—" said old +Margery, reaching the topmost stair somewhat breathless; then turning, +bustled along a rather dark passage, thickly carpeted, and hung with +old armour and pictures. +</P> + +<P> +"Where are we going, Mistress Margery?" asked the doctor, adapting his +stride to her trot—one to two. +</P> + +<P> +"You will be seeing whenever we get there, Sir Deryck," said Margery. +"And never touch it with metal, Sir Deryck. Pop it into an earthenware +jug, pour your boiling water straight upon it, stir it with a wooden +spoon, set it on the hob ten minutes to settle; the grounds will all go +to the bottom, though you might not think it; and you pour it +out—fragrant, strong, and clear. But the secret is, fresh, fresh, +fresh, and don't stint your coffee." +</P> + +<P> +Old Margery paused before a door at the end of the passage, knocked +lightly; then looked up at the doctor with her hand on the door-handle, +and an expression of pleading earnestness in her faithful Scotch eyes. +</P> + +<P> +"And you will not forget the wooden spoon, Sir Deryck?" +</P> + +<P> +The doctor looked down into the kind old face raised to his in the dim +light. "I will not forget the wooden spoon, Mistress Margery," he said, +gravely. And old Margery, turning the handle whispered mysteriously +into the half-opened doorway: "It will be Sir Deryck, Miss Gray," and +ushered the doctor into a cosy little sitting-room. +</P> + +<P> +A bright fire burned in the grate. In a high-backed arm-chair in front +of it sat Jane, with her feet on the fender. He could only see the top +of her head, and her long grey knees; but both were unmistakably Jane's: +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Dicky!" she said, and a great thankfulness was in her voice, "is +it you? Oh, come in, Boy, and shut the door. Are we alone? Come round +here quick and shake hands, or I shall be plunging about trying to find +you." +</P> + +<P> +In a moment the doctor had reached the hearth-rug, dropped on one knee +in front of the large chair, and took the vaguely groping hands held +out to him. +</P> + +<P> +"Jeanette?" he said. "Jeanette!" And then surprise and emotion silenced +him. +</P> + +<P> +Jane's eyes were securely bandaged. A black silk scarf, folded in four +thicknesses, was firmly tied at the back of her smooth coils of hair. +There was a pathetic helplessness about her large capable figure, +sitting alone, in this bright little sitting-room, doing nothing. +</P> + +<P> +"Jeanette!" said the doctor, for the third time. "And you call this +week-ending?" +</P> + +<P> +"Dear," said Jane, "I have gone into Sightless Land for my week-end. +Oh, Deryck, I had to do it. The only way really to help him is to know +exactly what it means, in all the small, trying details. I never had +much imagination, and I have exhausted what little I had. And he never +complains, or explains how things come hardest. So the only way to find +out is to have forty-eight hours of it one's self. Old Margery and +Simpson quite enter into it, and are helping me splendidly. Simpson +keeps the coast clear if we want to come down or go out; because with +two blind people about, it would be a complication if they ran into one +another. Margery helps me with all the things in which I am helpless; +and, oh Dicky, you would never believe how many they are! And the +awful, awful dark—a black curtain always in front of you, sometimes +seeming hard and firm, like a wall of coal, within an inch of your +face; sometimes sinking away into soft depths of blackness—miles and +miles of distant, silent, horrible darkness; until you feel you must +fall forward into it and be submerged and overwhelmed. And out of that +darkness come voices. And if they speak loudly, they hit you like +tapping hammers; and if they murmur indistinctly, they madden you +because you can't SEE what is causing it. You can't see that they are +holding pins in their mouths, and that therefore they are mumbling; or +that they are half under the bed, trying to get out something which has +rolled there, and therefore the voice seems to come from somewhere +beneath the earth. And, because you cannot see these things to account +for it, the variableness of sound torments you. Ah!—and the waking in +the morning to the same blackness as you have had all night! I have +experienced it just once,—I began my darkness before dinner last +night,—and I assure you, Deryck, I dread to-morrow morning. Think what +it must be to wake to that always, with no prospect of ever again +seeing the sunlight! And then the meals—" +</P> + +<P> +"What! You keep it on?" The doctor's voice sounded rather strained. +</P> + +<P> +"Of course," said Jane. "And you cannot imagine the humiliation of +following your food all round the plate, and then finding it on the +table-cloth; of being quite sure there was a last bit somewhere, and +when you had given up the search and gone on to another course, +discovering it, eventually, in your lap. I do not wonder my poor boy +would not let me come to his meals. But after this I believe he will, +and I shall know exactly how to help him and how to arrange so that +very soon he will have no difficulty. Oh, Dicky, I had to do it! There +was no other way." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said the doctor quietly, "you had to do it." And Jane in her +blindness could not see the working of his face, as he added below his +breath: "You being YOU, dear, there was no other way." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, how glad I am you realise the necessity, Deryck! I had so feared +you might think it useless or foolish. And it was now or never; because +I trust—if he forgives me—this will be the only week-end I shall ever +have to spend away from him. Boy, do you think he will forgive me?" +</P> + +<P> +It was fortunate Jane was blind: The doctor swallowed a word, then: +"Hush, dear," he said. "You make me sigh for the duchess's parrot. And +I shall do no good here, if I lose patience with Dalmain. Now tell me; +you really never remove that bandage?" +</P> + +<P> +"Only to wash my face," replied Jane, smiling. "I can trust myself not +to peep for two minutes. And last night I found it made my head so hot +that I could not sleep; so I slipped it off for an hour or two, but +woke and put it on again before dawn." +</P> + +<P> +"And you mean to wear it until to-morrow morning?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane smiled rather wistfully. She knew what was involved in that +question. +</P> + +<P> +"Until to-morrow night, Boy," she answered gently. +</P> + +<P> +"But, Jeanette," exclaimed the doctor, in indignant protest; "surely +you will see me before I go! My dear girl, would it not be carrying the +experiment unnecessarily far?" +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, no," said Jane, leaning towards him with her pathetic bandaged +eyes. "Don't you see, dear, you give me the chance of passing through +what will in time be one of his hardest experiences, when his dearest +friends will come and go, and be to him only voice and touch; their +faces unseen and but dimly remembered? Deryck, just because this +hearing and not seeing you IS so hard, I realise how it is enriching me +in what I can share with him. He must not have to say: 'Ah, but you saw +him before he left.' I want to be able to say: 'He came and went,—my +greatest friend,—and I did not see him at all.'" +</P> + +<P> +The doctor walked over to the window and stood there, whistling softly. +Jane knew he was fighting down his own vexation. She waited patiently. +Presently the whistling stopped and she heard him laugh. Then he came +back and sat down near her. +</P> + +<P> +"You always were a THOROUGH old thing!" he said. +</P> + +<P> +"No half-measures would do. I suppose I must agree." +</P> + +<P> +Jane reached out for his hand. "Ah, Boy," she said, "now you will help +me. But I never before knew you so nearly selfish." +</P> + +<P> +"The 'other man' is always a problem," said the doctor. "We male +brutes, by nature, always want to be first with all our women; not +merely with the one, but with all those in whom we consider, sometimes +with egregious presumption, that we hold a right. You see it +everywhere,—fathers towards their daughters, brothers as regards their +sisters, friends in a friendship. The 'other man,' when he arrives, is +always a pill to swallow. It is only natural, I suppose; but it is +fallen nature and therefore to be surmounted. Now let me go and forage +for your hat and coat, and take you out upon the moors. No? Why not? I +often find things for Flower, so really I know likely places in which +to search. Oh, all right! I will send Margery. But don't be long. And +you need not be afraid of Dalmain hearing us, for I saw him just now +walking briskly up and down the terrace, with only an occasional touch +of his cane against the parapet. How much you have already +accomplished! We shall talk more freely out on the moor; and, as I +march you along, we can find out tips which may be useful when the time +comes for you to lead the 'other man' about. Only do be careful how you +come downstairs with old Margery. Think if you fell upon her, Jane! She +does make such excellent coffee!" +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap24"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XXIV +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE MAN'S POINT OF VIEW +</H3> + +<P> +A deep peace reigned in the library at Gleneesh. Garth and Deryck sat +together and smoked in complete fellowship, enjoying that sense of calm +content which follows an excellent dinner and a day spent in moorland +air. +</P> + +<P> +Jane, sitting upstairs in her self-imposed darkness, with nothing to do +but listen, fancied she could hear the low hum of quiet voices in the +room beneath, carrying on a more or less continuous conversation. +</P> + +<P> +It was a pity she could not see them as they sat together, each looking +his very best,—Garth in the dinner jacket which suited his slight +upright figure so well; the doctor in immaculate evening clothes of the +latest cut and fashion, which he had taken the trouble to bring, +knowing Jane expected the men of her acquaintance to be punctilious in +the matter of evening dress, and little dreaming she would have, +literally, no eyes for him. +</P> + +<P> +And indeed the doctor himself was fastidious to a degree where clothes +were concerned, and always well groomed and unquestionably correct in +cut and fashion, excepting in the case of his favourite old Norfolk +jacket. This he kept for occasions when he intended to be what he +called "happy and glorious," though Lady Brand made gentle but +persistent attempts to dispose of it. +</P> + +<P> +The old Norfolk jacket had walked the moors that morning with Jane. She +had recognised the feel of it as he drew her hand within his arm, and +they had laughed over its many associations. But now Simpson was +folding it and putting it away, and a very correctly clad doctor sat in +an arm-chair in front of the library fire, his long legs crossed the +one over the other, his broad shoulders buried in the depths of the +chair. +</P> + +<P> +Garth sat where he could feel the warm flame of the fire, pleasant in +the chill evening which succeeded the bright spring day. His chair was +placed sideways, so that he could, with his hand, shield his face from +his visitor should he wish to do so. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," Dr. Brand was saying thoughtfully, "I can easily see that all +things which reach you in that darkness assume a different proportion +and possess a greatly enhanced value. But I think you will find, as +time goes on, and you come in contact with more people, there will be a +great readjustment, and you will become less consciously sensitive to +sound and touch from others. At present your whole nervous system is +highly strung, and responds with an exaggerated vibration to every +impression made upon it. A highly strung nervous system usually +exaggerates. And the medium of sight having been taken away, the other +means of communication with the outer world, hearing and touch, draw to +themselves an overplus of nervous force, and have become painfully +sensitive. Eventually things will right themselves, and they will only +be usefully keen and acute. What was it you were going to tell me about +Nurse Rosemary not shaking hands?" +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, yes," said Garth. "But first I want to ask, Is it a rule of her +order, or guild, or institution, or whatever it is to which she +belongs, that the nurses should never shake hands with their patients?" +</P> + +<P> +"Not that I have ever heard," replied the doctor. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, then, it must have been Miss Gray's own perfect intuition as to +what I want, and what I don't want. For from the very first she has +never shaken hands, nor in any way touched me. Even in passing across +letters, and handing me things, as she does scores of times daily, +never once have I felt her fingers against mine." +</P> + +<P> +"And this pleases you?" inquired the doctor, blowing smoke rings into +the air, and watching the blind face intently. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, I am so grateful for it," said Garth earnestly. "Do you know, +Brand, when you suggested sending me a lady nurse and secretary, I felt +I could not possibly stand having a woman touch me." +</P> + +<P> +"So you said," commented the doctor quietly. +</P> + +<P> +"No! Did I? What a bear you must have thought me." +</P> + +<P> +"By no means," said the doctor, "but a distinctly unusual patient. As a +rule, men—" +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, I dare say," Garth interposed half impatiently. "There was a time +when I should have liked a soft little hand about me. And I dare say by +now I should often enough have caught it and held it, perhaps kissed +it—who knows? I used to do such things, lightly enough. But, Brand, +when a man has known the touch of THE Woman, and when that touch has +become nothing but a memory; when one is dashed into darkness, and that +memory becomes one of the few things which remain, and, remaining, +brings untold comfort, can you wonder if one fears another touch which +might in any way dim that memory, supersede it, or take away from its +utter sacredness?" +</P> + +<P> +"I understand," said the doctor slowly. "It does not come within my own +experience, but I understand. Only—my dear boy, may I say it?—if the +One Woman exists—and it is excusable in your case to doubt it, because +there were so many—surely her place should be here; her actual touch, +one of the things which remain." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, say it," answered Garth, lighting another cigarette. "I like to +hear it said, although as a matter of fact you might as well say that +if the view from the terrace exists, I ought to be able to see it. The +view is there, right enough, but my own deficiency keeps me from seeing +it." +</P> + +<P> +"In other words," said the doctor, leaning forward and picking up the +match which, not being thrown so straight as usual, had just missed the +fire; "in other words, though She was the One Woman, you were not the +One Man?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said Garth bitterly, but almost beneath his breath. "I was 'a +mere boy.'" +</P> + +<P> +"Or you thought you were not," continued the doctor, seeming not to +have heard the last remark. "As a matter of fact, you are always the +One Man to the One Woman, unless another is before you in the field. +Only it may take time and patience to prove it to her." +</P> + +<P> +Garth sat up and turned a face of blank surprise towards the doctor. +"What an extraordinary statement!" he said. "Do you really mean it?" +</P> + +<P> +"Absolutely," replied the doctor in a tone of quiet conviction. "If you +eliminate all other considerations, such as money, lands, titles, +wishes of friends, attraction of exteriors—that is to say, admiration +of mere physical beauty in one another, which is after all just a +question of comparative anatomy; if, freed of all this social and +habitual environment, you could place the man and the woman in a mental +Garden of Eden, and let them face one another, stripped of all shams +and conventionalities, soul viewing soul, naked and unashamed; if under +those circumstances she is so truly his mate, that all the noblest of +the man cries out: 'This is the One Woman!' then I say, so truly is he +her mate, that he cannot fail to be the One Man; only he must have the +confidence required to prove it to her. On him it bursts, as a +revelation; on her it dawns slowly, as the breaking of the day." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, my God," murmured Garth brokenly, "it was just that! The Garden of +Eden, soul to soul, with no reservations, nothing to fear, nothing to +hide. I realised her my WIFE, and called her so. And the next morning +she called ME 'a mere boy,' whom she could not for a moment think of +marrying. So what becomes of your fool theory, Brand?" +</P> + +<P> +"Confirmed," replied the doctor quietly. "Eve, afraid of the immensity +of her bliss, doubtful of herself, fearful of coming short of the +marvel of his ideal of her, fleeing from Adam, to hide among the trees +of the garden. Don't talk about fool theories, my boy. The fool-fact +was Adam, if he did not start in prompt pursuit." +</P> + +<P> +Garth sat forward, his hands clutching the arms of his chair. That +quiet, level voice was awakening doubts as to his view of the +situation, the first he had had since the moment of turning and walking +down the Shenstone village church three years ago. His face was livid, +and as the firelight played upon it the doctor saw beads of +perspiration gleam on his forehead. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Brand," he said, "I am blind. Be merciful. Things mean so terribly +much in the dark." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor considered. Could his nurses and students have seen the look +on his face at that moment, they would have said that he was performing +a most critical and delicate operation, in which a slip of the scalpel +might mean death to the patient. They would have been right; for the +whole future of two people hung in the balance; depending, in this +crisis, upon the doctor's firmness and yet delicacy of touch. This +strained white face in the firelight, with its beads of mental agony +and its appealing "I am blind," had not entered into the doctor's +calculations. It was a view of "the other man" upon which he could not +look unmoved. But the thought of that patient figure with bandaged eyes +sitting upstairs in suspense, stretching dear helpless hands to him, +steadied the doctor's nerve. He looked into the fire. +</P> + +<P> +"You may be blind, Dalmain, but I do not want you to be a fool," said +the doctor quietly. +</P> + +<P> +"Am I—was I—a fool?" asked Garth. +</P> + +<P> +"How can I judge?" replied the doctor. "Give me a clear account of the +circumstances from your point of view, and I will give you my opinion +of the case." +</P> + +<P> +His tone was so completely dispassionate and matter-of-fact, that it +had a calming effect on Garth, giving him also a sense of security. The +doctor might have been speaking of a sore throat, or a tendency to +sciatica. +</P> + +<P> +Garth leaned back in his chair, slipped his hand into the breast-pocket +of his jacket, and touched a letter lying there. Dare he risk it? Could +he, for once take for himself the comfort of speaking of his trouble to +a man he could completely trust, and yet avoid the danger of betraying +her identity to one who knew her so intimately? +</P> + +<P> +Garth weighed this, after the manner of a chess-player looking several +moves ahead. Could the conversation become more explicit, sufficiently +so to be of use, and yet no clue be given which would reveal Jane as +the One Woman? +</P> + +<P> +Had the doctor uttered a word of pressure or suggestion, Garth would +have decided for silence. But the doctor did not speak. He leaned +forward and reached the poker, mending the fire with extreme care and +method. He placed a fragrant pine log upon the springing flame, and as +he did so he whistled softly the closing bars of Veni, Creator Spiritus. +</P> + +<P> +Garth, occupied with his own mental struggle, was, for once, oblivious +to sounds from without, and did not realise why, at this critical +moment, these words should have come with gentle insistence into his +mind: +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "Keep far our foes; give peace at home;<BR> + Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +He took them as an omen. They turned the scale. +</P> + +<P> +"Brand," he said, "if, as you are so kind as to suggest, I give myself +the extreme relief of confiding in you, will you promise me never to +attempt to guess at the identity of the One Woman?" +</P> + +<P> +The doctor smiled; and the smile in his voice as he answered, added to +Garth's sense of security. +</P> + +<P> +"My dear fellow," he said, "I never guess at other people's secrets. It +is a form of mental recreation which does not appeal to me, and which I +should find neither entertaining nor remunerative. If I know them +already, I do not require to guess them. If I do not know them, and +their possessors wish me to remain in ignorance, I would as soon think +of stealing their purse as of filching their secret." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, thanks," said Garth. "Personally, I do not mind what you know. But +I owe it to her, that her name should not appear." +</P> + +<P> +"Undoubtedly," said the doctor. "Except in so far as she herself, +chooses to reveal it, the One Woman's identity should always remain a +secret. Get on with your tale, old chap. I will not interrupt." +</P> + +<P> +"I will state it as simply and as shortly as I can," began Garth. "And +you will understand that there are details of which no fellow could +speak.—I had known her several years in a friendly way, just staying +at the same houses, and meeting at Lord's and Henley and all the places +where those in the same set do meet. I always liked her, and always +felt at my best with her, and thought no end of her opinion, and so +forth. She was a friend and a real chum to me, and to lots of other +fellows. But one never thought of love-making in connection with her. +All the silly things one says to ordinary women she would have laughed +at. If one had sent her flowers to wear, she would have put them in a +vase and wondered for whom they had really been intended. She danced +well, and rode straight; but the man she danced with had to be awfully +good at it, or he found himself being guided through the giddy maze; +and the man who wanted to be in the same field with her, must be +prepared for any fence or any wall. Not that I ever saw her in the +hunting-field; her love of life and of fair play would have kept her +out of that. But I use it as a descriptive illustration. One was always +glad to meet her in a house party, though one could not have explained +why. It is quite impossible to describe her. She was just—well, just—" +</P> + +<P> +The doctor saw "just Jane" trembling on Garth's lips, and knew how +inadequate was every adjective to express this name. He did not want +the flood of Garth's confidences checked, so he supplied the needed +words. +</P> + +<P> +"Just a good sort. Yes, I quite understand. Well?" +</P> + +<P> +"I had had my infatuations, plenty of them," went on the eager young +voice. "The one thing I thought of in women was their exteriors. Beauty +of all kinds—of any kind—crazed me for the moment. I never wanted to +marry them, but I always wanted to paint them. Their mothers, and +aunts, and other old dowagers in the house parties used to think I +meant marriage, but the girls themselves knew better. I don't believe a +girl now walks this earth who would accuse me of flirting. I admired +their beauty, and they knew it, and they knew that was all my +admiration meant. It was a pleasant experience at the time, and, in +several instances, helped forward good marriages later on. Pauline +Lister was apportioned to me for two whole seasons, but she eventually +married the man on whose jolly old staircase I painted her. Why didn't +I come a cropper over any of them? Because there were too many, I +suppose. Also, the attraction was skin-deep. I don't mind telling you +quite frankly: the only one whose beauty used to cause me a real pang +was Lady Brand. But when I had painted it and shown it to the world in +its perfection, I was content. I asked no more of any woman than to +paint her, and find her paintable. I could not explain this to the +husbands and mothers and chaperons, but the women themselves understood +it well enough; and as I sit here in my darkness not a memory rises up +to reproach me." +</P> + +<P> +"Good boy," said Deryck Brand, laughing. "You were vastly +misunderstood, but I believe you." +</P> + +<P> +"You see," resumed Garth, "that sort of thing being merely skin-deep, I +went no deeper. The only women I really knew were my mother, who died +when I was nineteen, and Margery Graem, whom I always hugged at meeting +and parting, and always shall hug until I kiss the old face in its +coffin, or she straightens me in mine. Those ties of one's infancy and +boyhood are among the closest and most sacred life can show. Well, so +things were until a certain evening in June several years ago. She—the +One Woman—and I were in the same house party at a lovely old place in +the country. One afternoon we had been talking intimately, but quite +casually and frankly. I had no more thought of wanting to marry her +than of proposing to old Margery. Then—something happened,—I must not +tell you what; it would give too clear a clue to her identity. But it +revealed to me, in a few marvellous moments, the woman in her; the +wife, the mother; the strength, the tenderness; the exquisite +perfection of her true, pure soul. In five minutes there awakened in me +a hunger for her which nothing could still, which nothing ever will +still, until I stand beside her in the Golden City, where they shall +hunger no more, neither thirst any more; and there shall be no more +darkness, or depending upon sun, moon, or candle, for the glory of God +shall lighten it; and there shall be no more sorrow, neither shall +there be any more pain, for former things shall have passed away." +</P> + +<P> +The blind face shone in the firelight. Garth's retrospection was +bringing him visions of things to come. +</P> + +<P> +The doctor sat quite still and watched the vision fade. Then he said: +"Well?" +</P> + +<P> +"Well," continued the young voice in the shadow, with a sound in it of +having dropped back to earth and finding it a mournful place; "I never +had a moment's doubt as to what had happened to me. I knew I loved her; +I knew I wanted her; I knew her presence made my day and her absence +meant chill night; and every day was radiant, for she was there." +</P> + +<P> +Garth paused for breath and to enjoy a moment of silent retrospection. +</P> + +<P> +The doctor's voice broke in with a question, clear, incisive. "Was she +a pretty woman; handsome, beautiful?" +</P> + +<P> +"A pretty woman?" repeated Garth, amazed: "Good heavens, no! Handsome? +Beautiful? Well you have me there, for, 'pon my honour, I don't know." +</P> + +<P> +"I mean, would you have wished to paint her?" +</P> + +<P> +"I HAVE painted her," said Garth very low, a moving tenderness in his +voice; "and my two paintings of her, though done in sadness and done +from memory, are the most beautiful work I ever produced. No eye but my +own has ever seen them, and now none ever will see them, excepting +those of one whom I must perforce trust to find them for me, and bring +them to me for destruction." +</P> + +<P> +"And that will be—?" queried the doctor. +</P> + +<P> +"Nurse Rosemary Gray," said Garth. +</P> + +<P> +The doctor kicked the pine log, and the flames darted up merrily. "You +have chosen well," he said, and had to make a conscious effort to keep +the mirth in his face from passing into his voice. "Nurse Rosemary will +be discreet. Very good. Then we may take it the One Woman was +beautiful?" +</P> + +<P> +But Garth looked perplexed. "I do not know," he answered slowly. "I +cannot see her through the eyes of others. My vision of her, in that +illuminating moment, followed the inspired order of things,—spirit, +soul, and body. Her spirit was so pure and perfect, her soul so +beautiful, noble, and womanly, that the body which clothed soul and +spirit partook of their perfection and became unutterably dear." +</P> + +<P> +"I see," said the doctor, very gently. "Yes, you dear fellow, I see." +(Oh, Jane, Jane! You were blind, without a bandage, in those days!) +</P> + +<P> +"Several glorious days went by," continued Garth. "I realise now that I +was living in the glow of my own certainty that she was the One Woman. +It was so clear and sweet and wonderful to me, that I never dreamed of +it not being equally clear to her. We did a lot of music together for +pure enjoyment; we talked of other people for the fun of it; we enjoyed +and appreciated each other's views and opinions; but we did not talk of +ourselves, because we KNEW, at least <I>I</I> knew, and, before God, I +thought she did. Every time I saw her she seemed more grand and +perfect. I held the golden key to trifling matters not understood +before. We young fellows, who all admired her, used nevertheless to +joke a bit about her wearing collars and stocks, top boots and short +skirts; whacking her leg with a riding-whip, and stirring the fire with +her toe. But after that evening, I understood all this to be a sort of +fence behind which she hid her exquisite womanliness, because it was of +a deeper quality than any man looking upon the mere surface of her had +ever fathomed or understood. And when she came trailing down in the +evening, in something rich and clinging and black, with lots of soft +old lace covering her bosom and moving with the beating of her great +tender heart; ah, then my soul rejoiced and my eyes took their fill of +delight! I saw her, as all day long I had known her to be,—perfect in +her proud, sweet womanliness." +</P> + +<P> +"Is he really unconscious," thought the doctor, "of how unmistakable a +word-picture of Jane he is painting?" +</P> + +<P> +"Very soon," continued Garth, "we had three days apart, and then met +again at another house, in a weekend party. One of the season's +beauties was there, with whom my name was being freely coupled, and +something she said on that subject, combined with the fearful blankness +of those three interminable days, made me resolve to speak without +delay. I asked her to come out on to the terrace that evening. We were +alone. It was a moonlight night." +</P> + +<P> +A long silence. The doctor did not break it. He knew his friend was +going over in his mind all those things of which a man does not speak +to another man. +</P> + +<P> +At last Garth said simply, "I told her." +</P> + +<P> +No comment from the doctor, who was vividly reminded of Jane's +"Then—it happened," when SHE had reached this point in the story. +After a few moments of further silence, steeped in the silver moonlight +of reminiscence for Garth; occupied by the doctor in a rapid piecing in +of Jane's version; the sad young voice continued: +</P> + +<P> +"I thought she understood completely. Afterwards I knew she had not +understood at all. Her actions led me to believe I was accepted, taken +into her great love, even as she was wrapped around by mine. Not +through fault of hers,—ah, no; she was blameless throughout; but +because she did not, could not, understand what any touch of hers must +mean to me. In her dear life, there had never been another man; that +much I knew by unerring instinct and by her own admission. I have +sometimes thought that she may have had an ideal in her girlish days, +against whom, in after years, she measured others, and, finding them +come short, held them at arm's length. But, if I am right in this +surmise, he must have been a blind fool, unconscious of the priceless +love which might have been his, had he tried to win it. For I am +certain that, until that night, no man's love had ever flamed about +her; she had never felt herself enveloped in a cry which was all one +passionate, in-articulate, inexplicable, boundless need of herself. +While I thought she understood and responded,—Heaven knows I DID think +it,—she did not in the least understand, and was only trying to be +sympathetic and kind." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor stirred in his chair, slowly crossed one leg over the other, +and looked searchingly into the blind face. He was finding these +confidences of the "other man" more trying than he had expected. +</P> + +<P> +"Are you sure of that?" he asked rather huskily. +</P> + +<P> +"Quite sure," said Garth. "Listen. I called her—what she was to me +just then, what I wanted her to be always, what she is forever, so far +as my part goes, and will be till death and beyond. That one word,—no, +there were two,—those two words made her understand. I see that now. +She rose at once and put me from her. She said I must give her twelve +hours for quiet thought, and she would come to me in the village church +next morning with her answer. Brand, you may think me a fool; you +cannot think me a more egregious ass than I now think myself; but I was +absolutely certain she was mine; so sure that, when she came, and we +were alone together in the house of God, instead of going to her with +the anxious haste of suppliant and lover, I called her to me at the +chancel step as if I were indeed her husband and had the right to bid +her come. She came, and, just as a sweet formality before taking her to +me, I asked for her answer. It was this: 'I cannot marry a mere boy.'" +</P> + +<P> +Garth's voice choked in his throat on the last word. His head was bowed +in his hands. He had reached the point where most things stopped for +him; where all things had ceased forever to be as they were before. +</P> + +<P> +The room seemed strangely silent. The eager voice had poured out into +it such a flow of love and hope and longing; such a revealing of a soul +in which the true love of beauty had created perpetual youth; of a +heart held free by high ideals from all playing with lesser loves, but +rising to volcanic force and height when the true love was found at +last. +</P> + +<P> +The doctor shivered at that anticlimax, as if the chill of an empty +church were in his bones. He knew how far worse it had been than Garth +had told. He knew of the cruel, humiliating question: "How old are +you?" Jane had confessed to it. He knew how the outward glow of adoring +love had faded as the mind was suddenly turned inward to +self-contemplation. He had known it all as abstract fact. Now he saw it +actually before him. He saw Jane's stricken lover, bowed beside him in +his blindness, living again through those sights and sounds which no +merciful curtain of oblivion could ever hide or veil. +</P> + +<P> +The doctor had his faults, but they were not Peter's. He never, under +any circumstances, spoke BECAUSE he wist not what to say. +</P> + +<P> +He leaned forward and laid a hand very tenderly on Garth's shoulder. +"Poor chap," he said. "Ah, poor old chap." +</P> + +<P> +And for a long while they sat thus in silence. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap25"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XXV +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE DOCTOR'S DIAGNOSIS +</H3> + +<P> +"So you expressed no opinion? explained nothing? let him go on +believing that? Oh, Dicky! And you might have said so much!" +</P> + +<P> +In the quiet of the Scotch Sabbath morning, Jane and the doctor had +climbed the winding path from the end of the terrace, which zigzagged +up to a clearing amongst the pines. Two fallen trees at a short +distance from each other provided convenient seats in full sunshine, +facing a glorious view,—down into the glen, across the valley, and +away to the purple hills beyond. The doctor had guided Jane to the +sunnier of the two trunks, and seated himself beside her. Then he had +quietly recounted practically the whole of the conversation of the +previous evening. +</P> + +<P> +"I expressed no opinion. I explained nothing. I let him continue to +believe what he believes; because it is the only way to keep you on the +pinnacle where he has placed you. Let any other reason for your conduct +than an almost infantine ignorance of men and things be suggested and +accepted, and down you will come, my poor Jane, and great will be the +fall. Mine shall not be the hand thus to hurl you headlong. As you say, +I might have said so much, but I might also have lived to regret it." +</P> + +<P> +"I should fall into his arms," said Jane recklessly, "and I would +sooner be there than on a pinnacle." +</P> + +<P> +"Excuse me, my good girl," replied the doctor. "It is more likely you +would fall into the first express going south. In fact, I am not +certain you would wait for an express. I can almost see the Honourable +Jane quitting yonder little railway station, seated in an empty +coal-truck. No! Don't start up and attempt to stride about among the +pine needles," continued the doctor, pulling Jane down beside him +again. "You will only trip over a fir cone and go headlong into the +valley. It is no use forestalling the inevitable fall." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Dicky," sighed Jane, putting her hand through his arm; and leaning +her bandaged eyes against the rough tweed of his shoulder; "I don't +know what has come to you to-day. You are not kind to me. You have +harrowed my poor soul by repeating all Garth said last night; and, +thanks to that terribly good memory of yours, you have reproduced the +tones of his voice in every inflection. And then, instead of comforting +me, you leave me entirely in the wrong, and completely in the lurch." +</P> + +<P> +"In the wrong—yes," said Deryck; "in the lurch—no. I did not say I +would do nothing to-day. I only said I could do nothing last night. You +cannot take up a wounded thing and turn it about and analyse it. When +we bade each other good-night, I told him I would think the matter over +and give him my opinion to-day. I will tell you what has happened to me +if you like. I have looked into the inmost recesses of a very rare and +beautiful nature, and I have seen what havoc a woman can work in the +life of the man who loves her. I can assure you, last night was no +pastime. I woke this morning feeling as if I had, metaphorically, been +beaten black and blue." +</P> + +<P> +"Then what do you suppose <I>I</I> feel?" inquired Jane pathetically. +</P> + +<P> +"You still feel yourself in the right—partly," replied Deryck. "And so +long as you think you have a particle of justification and cling to it, +your case is hopeless. It will have to be: 'I confess. Can you +forgive?'" +</P> + +<P> +"But I acted for the best," said Jane. "I thought of him before I +thought of myself. It would have been far easier to have accepted the +happiness of the moment, and chanced the future." +</P> + +<P> +"That is not honest, Jeanette. You thought of yourself first. You dared +not face the possibility of the pain to you if his love cooled or his +admiration waned. When one comes to think of it, I believe every form +of human love—a mother's only excepted—is primarily selfish. The best +chance for Dalmain is that his helpless blindness may awaken the mother +love in you. Then self will go to the wall." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah me!" sighed Jane. "I am lost and weary and perplexed in this +bewildering darkness. Nothing seems clear; nothing seems right. If I +could see your kind eyes, Boy, your hard voice would hurt less." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, take off the bandage and look," said the doctor. +</P> + +<P> +"I will not!" cried Jane furiously. "Have I gone through all this to +fail at the last?" +</P> + +<P> +"My dear girl, this self-imposed darkness is getting on your nerves. +Take care it does not do more harm than good. Strong remedies—" +</P> + +<P> +"Hush!" whispered Jane. "I hear footsteps." +</P> + +<P> +"You can always hear footsteps in a wood if you hearken for them," said +the doctor; but he spoke low, and then sat quiet, listening. +</P> + +<P> +"I hear Garth's step," whispered Jane. "Oh, Dicky, go to the edge and +look over. You can see the windings of the path below." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor stepped forward quietly and looked down upon the way they +had ascended. Then he came back to Jane. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," he said. "Fortune favours us. Dalmain is coming up the path with +Simpson. He will be here in two minutes." +</P> + +<P> +"Fortune favours us? My dear Dicky! Of all mis-chances!" Jane's hand +flew to her bandage, but the doctor stayed her just in time. +</P> + +<P> +"Not at all," he said. "And do not fail at the last in your experiment. +I ought to be able to keep you two blind people apart. Trust me, and +keep dark—I mean, sit still. And can you not understand why I said +fortune favours us? Dalmain is coming for my opinion on the case. You +shall hear it together. It will be a saving of time for me, and most +enlightening for you to mark how he takes it. Now keep quiet. I promise +he shall not sit on your lap. But if you make a sound, I shall have to +say you are a bunny or a squirrel, and throw fir cones at you." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor rose and sauntered round the bend of the path. +</P> + +<P> +Jane sat on in darkness. +</P> + +<P> +"Hullo, Dalmain," she heard Deryck say. "Found your way up here? An +ideal spot. Shall we dispense with Simpson? Take my arm." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," replied Garth. "I was told you were up here, Brand, and followed +you." +</P> + +<P> +They came round the bend together, and out into the clearing. +</P> + +<P> +"Are you alone?" asked Garth standing still. "I thought I heard voices." +</P> + +<P> +"You did," replied the doctor. "I was talking to a young woman." +</P> + +<P> +"What sort of young woman?" asked Garth. +</P> + +<P> +"A buxom young person," replied the doctor, "with a decidedly touchy +temper." +</P> + +<P> +"Do you know her name?" +</P> + +<P> +"Jane," said the doctor recklessly. +</P> + +<P> +"Not 'Jane,'" said Garth quickly,—"Jean. I know her,—my gardener's +eldest daughter. Rather weighed down by family cares, poor girl." +</P> + +<P> +"I saw she was weighed down," said the doctor. "I did not know it was +by family cares. Let us sit on this trunk. Can you call up the view to +mind?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," replied Garth; "I know it so well. But it terrifies me to find +how my mental pictures are fading; all but one." +</P> + +<P> +"And that is—?" asked the doctor. +</P> + +<P> +"The face of the One Woman," said Garth in his blindness. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, my dear fellow," said the doctor, "I have not forgotten my promise +to give you this morning my opinion on your story. I have been thinking +it over carefully, and have arrived at several conclusions. Shall we +sit on this fallen tree? Won't you smoke? One can talk better under the +influence of the fragrant weed." +</P> + +<P> +Garth took out his cigarette case, chose a cigarette, lighted it with +care, and flung the flaming match straight on to Jane's clasped hands. +</P> + +<P> +Before the doctor could spring up, Jane had smilingly flicked it off. +</P> + +<P> +"What nerve!" thought Deryck, with admiration. "Ninety-nine women out +of a hundred would have said 'Ah!' and given away the show. Really, she +deserves to win." +</P> + +<P> +Suddenly Garth stood up. "I think we shall do better on the other log," +he said unexpectedly. "It is always in fuller sunshine." And he moved +towards Jane. +</P> + +<P> +With a bound the doctor sprang in front of him, seized Jane with one +strong hand and drew her behind him; then guided Garth to the very spot +where she had been sitting. +</P> + +<P> +"How accurately you judge distance," he remarked, backing with Jane +towards the further trunk. Then he seated himself beside Garth in the +sunshine. "Now for our talk," said the doctor, and he said it rather +breathlessly. +</P> + +<P> +"Are you sure we are alone?" asked Garth. "I seem conscious of another +presence." +</P> + +<P> +"My dear fellow," said the doctor, "is one ever alone in a wood? +Countless little presences surround us. Bright eyes peep down from the +branches; furry tails flick in and out of holes; things unseen move in +the dead leaves at our feet. If you seek solitude, shun the woods." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," replied Garth, "I know, and I love listening to them. I meant a +human presence. Brand, I am often so tried by the sense of an unseen +human presence near me. Do you know, I could have sworn the other day +that she—the One Woman—came silently, looked upon me in my blindness, +pitied me, as her great tender heart would do, and silently departed." +</P> + +<P> +"When was that?" asked the doctor. +</P> + +<P> +"A few days ago. Dr. Rob had been telling us how he came across her +in—Ah! I must not say where. Then he and Miss Gray left me alone, and +in the lonely darkness and silence I felt her eyes upon me." +</P> + +<P> +"Dear boy," said the doctor, "you must not encourage this dread of +unseen presences. Remember, those who care for us very truly and deeply +can often make us conscious of their mental nearness, even when far +away, especially if they know we are in trouble and needing them. You +must not be surprised if you are often conscious of the nearness of the +One Woman, for I believe—and I do not say it lightly, Dalmain—I +believe her whole heart and love and life are yours." +</P> + +<P> +"Good Lord!" exclaimed Garth, and springing up, strode forward +aimlessly. +</P> + +<P> +The doctor caught him by the arm. In another moment he would have +fallen over Jane's feet. +</P> + +<P> +"Sit down, man," said the doctor, "and listen to me. You gain nothing +by dashing about in the dark in that way. I am going to prove my words. +But you must give me your calm attention. Now listen. We are confronted +in this case by a psychological problem, and one which very likely has +not occurred to you. I want you for a moment to picture the One Man and +the One Woman facing each other in the Garden of Eden, or in the +moonlight—wherever it was—if you like better. Now will you realise +this? The effect upon a man of falling in love is to create in him a +complete unconsciousness of self. On the other hand, the effect upon a +woman of being loved and sought, and of responding to that love and +seeking, is an accession of intense self-consciousness. He, longing to +win and take, thinks of her only. She, called upon to yield and give, +has her mind turned at once upon herself. Can she meet his need? Is she +all he thinks her? Will she be able to content him completely, not only +now but in the long vista of years to come? The more natural and +unconscious of self she had been before, the harder she would be hit by +this sudden, overwhelming attack of self-consciousness." +</P> + +<P> +The doctor glanced at Jane on the log six yards away. She had lifted +her clasped hands and was nodding towards him, her face radiant with +relief and thankfulness. +</P> + +<P> +He felt he was on the right tack. But the blind face beside him clouded +heavily, and the cloud deepened as he proceeded. +</P> + +<P> +"You see, my dear chap, I gathered from yourself she was not of the +type of feminine loveliness you were known to admire. Might she not +have feared that her appearance would, after a while, have failed to +content you?" +</P> + +<P> +"No," replied Garth with absolutely finality of tone. "Such a +suggestion is unworthy. Besides, had the idea by any possibility +entered her mind, she would only have had to question me on the point. +My decision would have been final; my answer would have fully reassured +her." +</P> + +<P> +"Love is blind," quoted the doctor quietly. +</P> + +<P> +"They lie who say so," cried Garth violently. "Love is so far-seeing +that it sees beneath the surface and delights in beauties unseen by +other eyes." +</P> + +<P> +"Then you do not accept my theory?" asked the doctor. +</P> + +<P> +"Not as an explanation of my own trouble," answered Garth; "because I +know the greatness of her nature would have lifted her far above such a +consideration. But I do indeed agree as to the complete oblivion to +self of the man in love. How else could we ever venture to suggest to a +woman that she should marry us? Ah, Brand, when one thinks of it, the +intrusion into her privacy; the asking the right to touch, even her +hand, at will; it could not be done unless the love of her and the +thought of her had swept away all thoughts of self. Looking back upon +that time I remember how completely it was so with me. And when she +said to me in the church: 'How old are you?'—ah, I did not tell you +that last night—the revulsion of feeling brought about by being turned +at that moment in upon myself was so great, that my joy seemed to +shrivel and die in horror at my own unworthiness." +</P> + +<P> +Silence in the wood. The doctor felt he was playing a losing game. He +dared not look at the silent figure opposite. At last he spoke. +</P> + +<P> +"Dalmain, there are two possible solutions to your problem. Do you +think it was a case of Eve holding back in virginal shyness, expecting +Adam to pursue?" +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, no," said Garth emphatically. "We had gone far beyond all that. +Nor could you suggest it, did you know her. She is too honest, too +absolutely straight and true, to have deceived me. Besides, had it been +so, in all these lonely years, when she found I made no sign, she would +have sent me word of what she really meant." +</P> + +<P> +"Should you have gone to her then?" asked the doctor. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said Garth slowly. "I should have gone and I should have +forgiven—because she is my own. But it could never have been the same. +It would have been unworthy of us both." +</P> + +<P> +"Well," continued the doctor, "the other solution remains. You have +admitted that the One Woman came somewhat short of the conventional +standard of beauty. Your love of loveliness was so well known. Do you +not think, during the long hours of that night,—remember how new it +was to her to be so worshipped and wanted,—do you not think her +courage failed her? She feared she might come short of what eventually +you would need in the face and figure always opposite you at your +table; and, despite her own great love and yours, she thought it wisest +to avoid future disillusion by rejecting present joy. Her very love for +you would have armed her to this decision." +</P> + +<P> +The silent figure opposite nodded, and waited with clasped hands. +Deryck was pleading her cause better than she could have pleaded it +herself. +</P> + +<P> +Silence in the woods. All nature seemed to hush and listen for the +answer. +</P> + +<P> +Then:—"No," said Garth's young voice unhesitatingly. "In that case she +would have told me her fear, and I should have reassured her +immediately. Your suggestion is unworthy of my beloved." +</P> + +<P> +The wind sighed in the trees. A cloud passed before the sun. The two +who sat in darkness, shivered and were silent. +</P> + +<P> +Then the doctor spoke. "My dear boy," he said, and a deep tenderness +was in his voice: "I must maintain my unalterable belief that to the +One Woman you are still the One Man. In your blindness her rightful +place is by your side. Perhaps even now she is yearning to be here. +Will you tell me her name, and give me leave to seek her out, hear from +herself her version of the story; and, if it be as I think, bring her +to you, to prove, in your affliction, her love and tenderness?" +</P> + +<P> +"Never!" said Garth. "Never, while life shall last! Can you not see +that if when I had sight, and fame, and all heart could desire, I could +not win her love, what she might feel for me now, in my helpless +blindness, could be but pity? And pity from her I could never accept. +If I was 'a mere boy' three years ago, I am 'a mere blind man' now, an +object for kind commiseration. If indeed you are right, and she +mistrusted my love and my fidelity, it is now out of my power forever +to prove her wrong and to prove myself faithful. But I will not allow +the vision of my beloved to be dimmed by these suggestions. For her +completion, she needed so much more than I could give. She refused me +because I was not fully worthy. I prefer it should be so. Let us leave +it at that." +</P> + +<P> +"It leaves you to loneliness," said the doctor sadly. +</P> + +<P> +"I prefer loneliness," replied Garth's young voice, "to disillusion. +Hark! I hear the first gong, Brand. Margery will be grieved if we keep +her Sunday dishes waiting." +</P> + +<P> +He stood up and turned his sightless face towards the view. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, how well I know it," he said. "When Miss Gray and I sit up here, +she tells me all she sees, and I tell her what she does not see, but +what I know is there. She is keen on art, and on most of the things I +care about. I must ask for an arm, Brand, though the path is wide and +good. I cannot risk a tumble. I have come one or two awful croppers, +and I promised Miss Gray—The path is wide. Yes, we can walk two +abreast, three abreast if necessary. It is well we had this good path +made. It used to be a steep scramble." +</P> + +<P> +"Three abreast," said the doctor. "So we could—if necessary." He +stepped back and raised Jane from her seat, drawing her cold hand +through his left arm. "Now, my dear fellow, my right arm will suit you +best; then you can keep your stick in your right hand." +</P> + +<P> +And thus they started down through the wood, on that lovely Sabbath +morn of early summer; and the doctor walked erect between those two +severed hearts, uniting, and yet dividing them. +</P> + +<P> +Just once Garth paused and listened. "I seem to hear another footstep," +he said, "besides yours and mine." +</P> + +<P> +"The wood is full of footsteps," said the doctor, "just as the heart is +full of echoes. If you stand still and listen you can hear what you +will in either." +</P> + +<P> +"Then let us not stand still," said Garth, "for in old days, if I was +late for lunch, Margery used to spank me." +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap26"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XXVI +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +HEARTS MEET IN SIGHTLESS LAND +</H3> + +<P> +"It will be absolutely impossible, Miss Gray, for me ever to tell you +what I think of this that you have done for my sake." +</P> + +<P> +Garth stood at the open library window. The morning sunlight poured +into the room. The air was fragrant with the scent of flowers, resonant +with the songs of birds. As he stood there in the sunshine, a new look +of strength and hopefulness was apparent in every line of his erect +figure. He held out eager hands towards Nurse Rosemary, but more as an +expression of the outgoing of his appreciation and gratitude than with +any expectation of responsive hands being placed within them. +</P> + +<P> +"And here was I, picturing you having a gay weekend, and wondering +where, and who your friends in this neighbourhood could be. And all the +while you were sitting blindfold in the room over my head. Ah, the +goodness of it is beyond words! But did you not feel somewhat of a +deceiver, Miss Gray?" +</P> + +<P> +She always felt that—poor Jane. So she readily answered: "Yes. And yet +I told you I was not going far. And my friends in the neighbourhood +were Simpson and Margery, who aided and abetted. And it was true to say +I was going, for was I not going into darkness? and it is a different +world from the land of light." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, how true that is!" cried Garth. "And how difficult to make people +understand the loneliness of it, and how they seem suddenly to arrive +close to one from another world; stooping from some distant planet, +with sympathetic voice and friendly touch; and then away they go to +another sphere, leaving one to the immensity of solitude in Sightless +Land." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," agreed Nurse Rosemary, "and you almost dread the coming, because +the going makes the darkness darker, and the loneliness more lonely." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, so YOU experienced that?" said Garth. "Do you know, now you have +week-ended in Sightless Land, I shall not feel it such a place of +solitude. At every turn I shall be able to say:—'A dear and faithful +friend has been here.'" +</P> + +<P> +He laughed a laugh of such almost boyish pleasure, that all the mother +in Jane's love rose up and demanded of her one supreme effort. She +looked at the slight figure in white flannels, leaning against the +window frame, so manly, so beautiful still, and yet so helpless and so +needing the wealth of tenderness which was hers to give. Then, standing +facing him, she opened her arms, as if the great preparedness of that +place of rest, so close to him must, magnet-like, draw him to her; and +standing thus in the sunlight, Jane spoke. +</P> + +<P> +Was she beautiful? Was she paintable? Would a man grow weary of such a +look turned on him, of such arms held out? Alas! Too late! On that +point no lover shall ever be able to pass judgment. That look is for +one man alone. He only will ever bring it to that loving face. And he +cannot pronounce upon its beauty in voice of rapturous content. He +cannot judge. He cannot see. He is blind! +</P> + +<P> +"Mr. Dalmain, there are many smaller details; but before we talk of +those I want to tell you the greatest of all the lessons I learned in +Sightless Land." Then, conscious that her emotion was producing in her +voice a resonant depth which might remind him too vividly of notes in +The Rosary, she paused, and resumed in the high, soft edition of her +own voice which it had become second nature to her to use as Nurse +Rosemary: "Mr. Dalmain, it seems to me I learned to understand how that +which is loneliness unspeakable to ONE might be Paradise of a very +perfect kind for TWO. I realised that there might be circumstances in +which the dark would become a very wonderful meeting-place for souls. +If I loved a man who lost his sight, I should be glad to have mine in +order to be eyes for him when eyes were needed; just as, were I rich +and he poor, I should value my money simply as a thing which might be +useful to him. But I know the daylight would often be a trial to me, +because it would be something he could not share; and when evening +came, I should long to say: 'Let us put out the lights and shut away +the moonlight and sit together in the sweet soft darkness, which is +more uniting than the light.'" +</P> + +<P> +While Jane was speaking, Garth paled as he listened, and his face grew +strangely set. Then, as if under a reaction of feeling, a boyish flush +spread to the very roots of his hair. He visibly shrank from the voice +which was saying these things to him. He fumbled with his right hand +for the orange cord which would guide him to his chair. +</P> + +<P> +"Nurse Rosemary," he said, and at the tone of his voice Jane's +outstretched arms dropped to her sides; "it is kind of you to tell me +all these beautiful thoughts which came to you in the darkness. But I +hope the man who is happy enough to possess your love, or who is going +to be fortunate enough to win it, will neither be so unhappy nor so +unfortunate as to lose his sight. It will be better for him to live +with you in the light, than to be called upon to prove the kind way in +which you would be willing to adapt yourself to his darkness. How about +opening our letters?" He slipped his hand along the orange cord and +walked over to his chair. +</P> + +<P> +Then, with a sense of unutterable dismay, Jane saw what she had done. +She had completely forgotten Nurse Rosemary, using her only as a means +of awakening in Garth an understanding of how much her—Jane's—love +might mean to him in his blindness. She had forgotten that, to Garth, +Nurse Rosemary's was the only personality which counted in this +conversation; she, who had just given him such a proof of her interest +and devotion. And—O poor dear Garth! O bold, brazen Nurse +Rosemary!—he very naturally concluded she was making love to him. Jane +felt herself between Scylla and Charybdis, and she took a very prompt +and characteristic plunge. +</P> + +<P> +She came across to her place on the other side of the small table and +sat down. "I believe it was the thought of him made me realise this," +she said; "but just now I and my young man have fallen out. He does not +even know I am here." +</P> + +<P> +Garth unbent at once, and again that boyish heightening of colour +indicated his sense of shame at what he had imagined. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, Miss Gray," he said eagerly, "you will not think it impertinent or +intrusive on my part, but do you know I have wondered sometimes whether +there was a happy man." +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary laughed. "Well, we can't call him a happy man just now," +she said, "so far as his thoughts of me are concerned. My whole heart +is his, if he could only be brought to believe it. But a +misunderstanding has grown up between us,—my fault entirely,—and he +will not allow me to put it right." +</P> + +<P> +"What a fool!" cried Garth. "Are you and he engaged?" +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary hesitated. "Well—not exactly engaged," she said, +"though it practically amounts to that. Neither of us would give a +thought to any one else." +</P> + +<P> +Garth knew there was a class of people whose preliminary step to +marriage was called "keeping company," a stage above the housemaid's +"walking out," both expressions being exactly descriptive of the +circumstances of the case; for, whereas pretty Phyllis and her swain go +walking out of an evening in byways and between hedges, or along +pavements and into the parks,—these keep each other company in the +parlours and arbours of their respective friends and relations. Yet, +somehow, Garth had never thought of Nurse Rosemary as belonging to any +other class than his own. Perhaps this ass of a fellow, whom he already +cordially disliked, came of a lower stratum; or perhaps the rules of +her nursing guild forbade a definite engagement, but allowed "an +understanding." Anyway the fact remained that the kind-hearted, clever, +delightful little lady, who had done so much for him, had "a young man" +of her own; and this admitted fact lifted a weight from Garth's mind. +He had been so afraid lately of not being quite honest with her and +with himself. She had become so necessary to him, nay, so essential, +and by her skill and devotion had won so deep a place in his gratitude. +Their relation was of so intimate a nature, their companionship so +close and continuous; and into this rather ideal state of things had +heavily trodden Dr. Rob the other day with a suggestion. Garth, alone +with him, bad been explaining how indispensable Miss Gray had become to +his happiness and comfort, and how much he dreaded a recall from her +matron. +</P> + +<P> +"I fear they do not let them go on indefinitely at one case; but +perhaps Sir Deryck can arrange that this should be an exception," said +Garth. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, hang the matron, and blow Sir Deryck," said Dr. Rob breezily. "If +you want her as a permanency, make sure of her. Marry her, my boy! I'll +warrant she'd have you!" +</P> + +<P> +Thus trod Dr. Rob, with heavily nailed boots, upon the bare toes of a +delicate situation. +</P> + +<P> +Garth tried to put the suggestion out of his mind and failed. He began +to notice thoughts and plans of Nurse Rosemary's for his benefit, which +so far exceeded her professional duties that it seemed as if there must +be behind them the promptings of a more tender interest. He put the +thought away again and again, calling Dr. Rob an old fool, and himself +a conceited ass. But again and again there came about him, with Nurse +Rosemary's presence, the subtile surrounding atmosphere of a watchful +love. +</P> + +<P> +Then, one night, he faced and fought a great temptation. +</P> + +<P> +After all why should he not do as Dr. Rob suggested? Why not marry this +charming, capable, devoted nurse, and have her constantly about him in +his blindness? SHE did not consider him "a mere boy." ... What had he +to offer her? A beautiful home, every luxury, abundant wealth, a +companionship she seemed to find congenial ... But then the Tempter +overreached himself, for he whispered: "And the voice would be always +Jane's. You have never seen the nurse's face; you never will see it. +You can go on putting to the voice the face and form you adore. You can +marry the little nurse, and go on loving Jane." ... Then Garth cried +out in horror: "Avaunt, Satan!" and the battle was won. +</P> + +<P> +But it troubled his mind lest by any chance her peace of heart should +be disturbed through him. So it was with relief, and yet with an +unreasonable smouldering jealousy, that he heard of the young man to +whom she was devoted. And now it appeared she was unhappy through her +young man, just as he was unhappy through—no, because of—Jane. +</P> + +<P> +A sudden impulse came over him to do away forever with the thought +which in his own mind had lately come between them, and to establish +their intimacy on an even closer and firmer basis, by being absolutely +frank with her on the matter. +</P> + +<P> +"Miss Gray," he said, leaning towards her with that delightful smile of +boyish candour which many women had found irresistible, "it is good of +you to have told me about yourself; and, although I confess to feeling +unreasonably jealous of the fortunate fellow who possesses your whole +heart, I am glad he exists, because we all miss something unless we +have in our lives the wonderful experience of the One Woman or the One +Man. And I want to tell you something, dear sweet friend of mine, which +closely touches you and me; only, before I do so, put your hand in +mine, that I may realise you in a closer intimacy than heretofore. You, +who have been in Sightless Land, know how much a hand clasp means down +here." +</P> + +<P> +Garth stretched his hand across the table, and his whole attitude was +tense with expectation. +</P> + +<P> +"I cannot do that, Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, in a voice which +shook a little. "I have burned my hands. Oh, not seriously. Do not look +so distressed. Just a lighted match. Yes; while I was blind. Now tell +me the thing which touches you and me." +</P> + +<P> +Garth withdrew his hand and clasped both around his knee. He leaned +back in his chair, his face turned upwards. There was upon it an +expression so pure, the exaltation of a spirit so lifted above the +temptations of the lower nature, that Jane's eyes filled with tears as +she looked at him. She realised what his love for her, supplemented by +the discipline of suffering, had done for her lover. +</P> + +<P> +He began to speak softly, not turning towards her. "Tell me," he said, +"is he—very much to you?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane's eyes could not leave the dear face and figure in the chair. +Jane's emotion trembled in Nurse Rosemary's voice. +</P> + +<P> +"He is all the world to me," she said. +</P> + +<P> +"Does he love you as you deserve to be loved?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane bent and laid her lips on the table where his outstretched hand +had rested. Then Nurse Rosemary answered: "He loved me far, FAR more +than I ever deserved." +</P> + +<P> +"Why do you say 'loved'? Is not 'loves' the truer tense?" +</P> + +<P> +"Alas, no!" said Nurse Rosemary, brokenly; "for I fear I have lost his +love by my own mistrust of it and my own wrong-doing." +</P> + +<P> +"Never!" said Garth. "'Love never faileth.' It may for a time appear to +be dead, even buried. But the Easter morn soon dawns, and lo, Love +ariseth! Love grieved, is like a bird with wet wings. It cannot fly; it +cannot rise. It hops about upon the ground, chirping anxiously. But +every flutter shakes away more drops; every moment in the sunshine is +drying the tiny feathers; and very soon it soars to the tree top, all +the better for the bath, which seemed to have robbed it of the power to +rise." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah,—if my beloved could but dry his wings," murmured Nurse Rosemary. +"But I fear I did more than wet them. I clipped them. Worse still,—I +broke them." +</P> + +<P> +"Does he know you feel yourself so in the wrong?" Garth asked the +question very gently. +</P> + +<P> +"No," replied Nurse Rosemary. "He will give me no chance to explain, +and no opportunity to tell him how he wrongs himself and me by the view +he now takes of my conduct." +</P> + +<P> +"Poor girl!" said Garth in tones of sympathy and comprehension. "My own +experience has been such a tragedy that I can feel for those whose +course of true love does not run smooth. But take my advice, Miss Gray. +Write him a full confession. Keep nothing back. Tell him just how it +all happened. Any man who truly loves would believe, accept your +explanation, and be thankful. Only, I hope he would not come tearing up +here and take you away from me!" +</P> + +<P> +Jane smiled through a mist of tears. +</P> + +<P> +"If he wanted me, Mr. Dalmain, I should have to go to him," said Nurse +Rosemary. +</P> + +<P> +"How I dread the day," continued Garth, "when you will come and say to +me: 'I have to go.' And, do you know, I have sometimes thought—you +have done so much for me and become so much to me—I have sometimes +thought—I can tell you frankly now—it might have seemed as if there +were a very obvious way to try to keep you always. You are so immensely +worthy of all a man could offer, of all the devotion a man could give. +And because, to one so worthy, I never could have offered less than the +best, I want to tell you that in my heart I hold shrined forever one +beloved face. All others are gradually fading. Now, in my blindness, I +can hardly recall clearly the many lovely faces I have painted and +admired. All are more or less blurred and indistinct. But this one face +grows clearer, thank God, as the darkness deepens. It will be with me +through life, I shall see it in death, THE FACE OF THE WOMAN I LOVE. +You said 'loved' of your lover, hesitating to be sure of his present +state of heart. I can neither say 'love' nor 'loved' of my beloved. She +never loved me. But I love her with a love which makes it impossible +for me to have any 'best' to offer to another woman. If I could bring +myself, from unworthy motives and selfish desires, to ask another to +wed me, I should do her an untold wrong. For her unseen face would be +nothing to me; always that one and only face would be shining in my +darkness. Her voice would be dear, only in so far as it reminded me of +the voice of the woman I love. Dear friend, if you ever pray for me, +pray that I may never be so base as to offer to any woman such a husk +as marriage with me would mean." +</P> + +<P> +"But—" said Nurse Rosemary. "She—she who has made it a husk for +others; she who might have the finest of the wheat, the full corn in +the ear, herself?" +</P> + +<P> +"She," said Garth, "has refused it. It was neither fine enough nor full +enough. It was not worthy. O my God, little girl—! What it means, to +appear inadequate to the woman one loves!" +</P> + +<P> +Garth dropped his face between his hands with a groan. +</P> + +<P> +Silence unbroken reigned in the library. +</P> + +<P> +Suddenly Garth began to speak, low and quickly, without lifting his +head. +</P> + +<P> +"Now," he said, "now I feel it, just as I told Brand, and never so +clearly before, excepting once, when I was alone. Ah, Miss Gray! Don't +move! Don't stir! But look all round the room and tell me whether you +see anything. Look at the window. Look at the door. Lean forward and +look behind the screen. I cannot believe we are alone. I will not +believe it. I am being deceived in my blindness. And yet—I am NOT +deceived. I am conscious of the presence of the woman I love. Her eyes +are fixed upon me in pity, sorrow, and compassion. Her grief at my woe +is so great that it almost enfolds me, as I had dreamed her love would +do ... O my God! She is so near—and it is so terrible, because I do +not wish her near. I would sooner a thousand miles were between us—and +I am certain there are not many yards! ... Is it psychic? or is it +actual? or am I going mad? ... Miss Gray! YOU would not lie to me. No +persuasion or bribery or confounded chicanery could induce YOU to +deceive me on this point. Look around, for God's sake, and tell me! Are +we alone? And if not, WHO IS IN THE ROOM besides you and me?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane had been sitting with her arms folded upon the table, her yearning +eyes fixed upon Garth's bowed head. When he wished her a thousand miles +away she buried her face upon them. She was so near him that had Garth +stretched out his right hand again, it would have touched the heavy +coils of her soft hair. But Garth did not raise his head, and Jane +still sat with her face buried. +</P> + +<P> +There was silence in the library for a few moments after Garth's +question and appeal. Then Jane lifted her face. +</P> + +<P> +"There is no one in the room, Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, "but +YOU—and ME." +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap27"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XXVII +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE EYES GARTH TRUSTED +</H3> + +<P> +"So you enjoy motoring, Miss Gray?" +</P> + +<P> +They had been out in the motor together for the first time, and were +now having tea together in the library, also for the first time; and, +for the first time, Nurse Rosemary was pouring out for her patient. +This was only Monday afternoon, and already her week-end experience had +won for her many new privileges. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, I like it, Mr. Dalmain; particularly in this beautiful air." +</P> + +<P> +"Have you had a case before in a house where they kept a motor?" +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary hesitated. "Yes, I have stayed in houses where they had +motors, and I have been in Dr. Brand's. He met me at Charing Cross once +with his electric brougham." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, I know," said Garth. "Very neat. On your way to a case, or +returning from a case?" +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary smiled, then bit her lip. "To a case," she replied quite +gravely. "I was on my way to his house to talk it over and receive +instructions." +</P> + +<P> +"It must be splendid working under such a fellow as Brand," said Garth; +"and yet I am certain most of the best things you do are quite your own +idea. For instance, he did not suggest your week-end plan, did he? I +thought not. Ah, the difference it has made! Now tell me. When we were +motoring we never slowed up suddenly to pass anything, or tooted to +make something move out of the way, without your having already told me +what we were going to pass or what was in the road a little way ahead. +It was: 'We shall be passing a hay cart at the next bend; there will be +just room, but we shall have to slow up'; or, 'An old red cow is in the +very middle of the road a little way on. I think she will move if we +hoot.' Then, when the sudden slow down and swerve came, or the toot +toot of the horn, I knew all about it and was not taken unawares. Did +you know how trying it is in blindness to be speeding along and +suddenly alter pace without having any idea why, or swerve to one side, +and not know what one has just been avoiding? This afternoon our spin +was pure pleasure, because not once did you let these things happen. I +knew all that was taking place, as soon as I should have known it had I +had my sight." +</P> + +<P> +Jane pressed her hand over her bosom. Ah, how able she was always to +fill her boy's life with pure pleasure. How little of the needless +suffering of the blind should ever be his if she won the right to be +beside him always. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, "I motored to the station +with Sir Deryck yesterday afternoon, and I noticed all you describe. I +have never before felt nervous in a motor, but I realised yesterday how +largely that is owing to the fact that all the time one keeps an +unconscious look-out; measuring distances, judging speed, and knowing +what each turn of the handle means. So when we go out you must let me +be eyes to you in this." +</P> + +<P> +"How good you are!" said Garth, gratefully. "And did you see Sir Deryck +off?" +</P> + +<P> +"No. I did not SEE Sir Deryck at all. But he said good-bye, and I felt +the kind, strong grip of his hand as he left me in the car. And I sat +there and heard his train start and rush away into the distance." +</P> + +<P> +"Was it not hard to you to let him come and go and not to see his face?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane smiled. "Yes, it was hard," said Nurse Rosemary; "but I wished to +experience that hardness." +</P> + +<P> +"It gives one an awful blank feeling, doesn't it?" said Garth. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes. It almost makes one wish the friend had not come." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah—" There was a depth of contented comprehension in Garth's sigh; +and the brave heart, which had refused to lift the bandage to the very +last, felt more than recompensed. +</P> + +<P> +"Next time I reach the Gulf of Partings in Sightless Land," continued +Garth, "I shall say: 'A dear friend has stood here for my sake.'" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, and one's meals," said Nurse Rosemary laughing. "Are they not +grotesquely trying?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, of course; I had forgotten you would understand all that now. I +never could explain to you before why I must have my meals alone. You +know the hunt and chase?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said Nurse Rosemary, "and it usually resolves itself into 'gone +away,' and turns up afterwards unexpectedly! But, Mr. Dalmain, I have +thought out several ways of helping so much in that and making it all +quite easy. If you will consent to have your meals with me at a small +table, you will see how smoothly all will work. And later on, if I am +still here, when you begin to have visitors, you must let me sit at +your left, and all my little ways of helping would be so unobtrusive, +that no one would notice." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, thanks," said Garth. "I am immensely grateful. I have often been +reminded of a silly game we used to play at Overdene, at dessert, when +we were a specially gay party. Do you know the old Duchess of Meldrum? +Or anyway, you may have heard of her? Ah, yes, of course, Sir Deryck +knows her. She called him in once to her macaw. She did not mention the +macaw on the telephone, and Sir Deryck, thinking he was wanted for the +duchess, threw up an important engagement and went immediately. Luckily +she was at her town house. She would have sent just the same had she +been at Overdene. I wish you knew Overdene. The duchess gives perfectly +delightful 'best parties,' in which all the people who really enjoy +meeting one another find themselves together, and are well fed and well +housed and well mounted, and do exactly as they like; while the dear +old duchess tramps in and out, with her queer beasts and birds, +shedding a kindly and exciting influence wherever she goes. Last time I +was there she used to let out six Egyptian jerboas in the drawing-room +every evening after dinner, awfully jolly little beggars, like +miniature kangaroos. They used to go skipping about on their hind legs, +frightening some of the women into fits by hiding under their gowns, +and making young footmen drop trays of coffee cups. The last +importation is a toucan,—a South American bird, with a beak like a +banana, and a voice like an old sheep in despair. But Tommy, the +scarlet macaw, remains prime favourite, and I must say he is clever and +knows more than you would think." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, at Overdene we used to play a silly game at dessert with +muscatels. We each put five raisins at intervals round our plates, then +we shut our eyes and made jabs at them with forks. Whoever succeeded +first in spiking and eating all five was the winner. The duchess never +would play. She enjoyed being umpire, and screaming at the people who +peeped. Miss Champion and I—she is the duchess's niece, you +know—always played fair, and we nearly always made a dead heat of it." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said Nurse Rosemary, "I know that game. I thought of it at once +when I had my blindfold meals." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah," cried Garth, "had I known, I would not have let you do it!" +</P> + +<P> +"I knew that," said Nurse Rosemary. "That was why I week-ended." +</P> + +<P> +Garth passed his cup to be refilled, and leaned forward confidentially. +</P> + +<P> +"Now," he said, "I can venture to tell you one of my minor trials. I am +always so awfully afraid of there being a FLY in things. Ever since I +was a small boy I have had such a horror of inadvertently eating flies. +When I was about six, I heard a lady visitor say to my mother: 'Oh, one +HAS to swallow a fly—about once a year! I have just swallowed mine, on +the way here!' This terrible idea of an annual fly took possession of +my small mind. I used to be thankful when it happened, and I got it +over. I remember quickly finishing a bit of bread in which I had seen +signs of legs and wings, feeling it was an easy way of taking it and I +should thus be exempt for twelve glad months; but I had to run up and +down the terrace with clenched hands while I swallowed it. And when I +discovered the fallacy of the annual fly, I was just as particular in +my dread of an accidental one. I don't believe I ever sat down to +sardines on toast at a restaurant without looking under the toast for +my bugbear, though as I lifted it I felt rather like the old woman who +always looks under the bed for a burglar. Ah, but since the accident +this foolishly small thing HAS made me suffer! I cannot say: 'Simpson, +are you sure there is not a fly in this soup?' Simpson would say: +'No—sir; no fly—sir,' and would cough behind his hand, and I could +never ask him again." +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary leaned forward and placed his cup where he could reach +it easily, just touching his right hand with the edge of the saucer. +"Have all your meals with me," she said, in a tone of such complete +understanding, that it was almost a caress; "and I can promise there +shall never be any flies in anything. Could you not trust my eyes for +this?" +</P> + +<P> +And Garth replied, with a happy, grateful smile: "I could trust your +kind and faithful eyes for anything. Ah! and that reminds me: I want to +intrust to them a task I could confide to no one else. Is it twilight +yet, Miss Gray, or is an hour of daylight left to us?" +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary glanced out of the window and looked at her watch. "We +ordered tea early," she said, "because we came in from our drive quite +hungry. It is not five o'clock yet, and a radiant afternoon. The sun +sets at half-past seven." +</P> + +<P> +"Then the light is good," said Garth. "Have you finished tea? The sun +will be shining in at the west window of the studio. You know my studio +at the top of the house? You fetched the studies of Lady Brand from +there. I dare say you noticed stacks of canvases in the corners. Some +are unused; some contain mere sketches or studies; some are finished +pictures. Miss Gray, among the latter are two which I am most anxious +to identify and to destroy. I made Simpson guide me up the other day +and leave me there alone. And I tried to find them by touch; but I +could not be sure, and I soon grew hopelessly confused amongst all the +canvases. I did not wish to ask Simpson's help, because the subjects, +are—well, somewhat unusual, and if he found out I had destroyed them +it might set him wondering and talking, and one hates to awaken +curiosity in a servant. I could not fall back on Sir Deryck because he +would have recognised the portraits. The principal figure is known to +him. When I painted those pictures I never dreamed of any eye but my +own seeing them. So you, my dear and trusted secretary, are the one +person to whom I can turn. Will you do what I ask? And will you do it +now?" +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary pushed back her chair. "Why of course, Mr. Dalmain. I am +here to do anything and everything you may desire; and to do it when +you desire it." +</P> + +<P> +Garth took a key from his waistcoat pocket, and laid it on the table. +"There is the studio latch-key. I think the canvases I want are in the +corner furthest from the door, behind a yellow Japanese screen. They +are large—five feet by three and a half. If they are too cumbersome +for you to bring down, lay them face to face, and ring for Simpson. But +do not leave him alone with them." +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary picked up the key, rose, and went over to the piano, +which she opened. Then she tightened the purple cord, which guided +Garth from his chair to the instrument. +</P> + +<P> +"Sit and play," she said, "while I am upstairs, doing your commission. +But just tell me one thing. You know how greatly your work interests +me. When I find the pictures, is it your wish that I give them a mere +cursory glance, just sufficient for identification; or may I look at +them, in the beautiful studio light? You can trust me to do whichever +you desire." +</P> + +<P> +The artist in Garth could not resist the wish to have his work seen and +appreciated. "You may look at them of course, if you wish," he sail. +"They are quite the best work I ever did, though I painted them wholly +from memory. That is—I mean, that used to be—a knack of mine. And +they are in no sense imaginary. I painted exactly what I saw—at least, +so far as the female face and figure are concerned. And they make the +pictures. The others are mere accessories." He stood up, and went to +the piano. His fingers began to stray softly amongst the harmonies of +the Veni. +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary moved towards the door. "How shall I know them?" she +asked, and waited. +</P> + +<P> +The chords of the Veni hushed to a murmur, Garth's voice from the piano +came clear and distinct, but blending with the harmonies as if he were +reciting to music. +</P> + +<P> +"A woman and a man ... alone, in a garden—but the surroundings are +only indicated. She is in evening dress; soft, black, and trailing; +with lace at her breast. It is called: 'The Wife.'" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes?" +</P> + +<P> +"The same woman; the same scene; but without the man, this time. No +need to paint the man; for now—visible or invisible—to her, he is +always there. In her arms she holds"—the low murmur of chords ceased; +there was perfect silence in the room-"a little child. It is called: +'The Mother.'" +</P> + +<P> +The Veni burst forth in an unrestrained upbearing of confident petition: +</P> + +<P> +"Keep far our foes; give peace at home"—and the door closed behind +Nurse Rosemary. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap28"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XXVIII +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +IN THE STUDIO +</H3> + +<P> +Jane mounted to the studio; unlocked the door, and, entering, closed it +after her. +</P> + +<P> +The evening sun shone through a western window, imparting an added +richness to the silk screens and hangings; the mauve wistaria of a +Japanese embroidery; or the golden dragon of China on a deep purple +ground, wound up in its own interminable tail, and showing rampant +claws in unexpected places. +</P> + +<P> +Several times already Jane had been into Garth's studio, but always to +fetch something for which he waited eagerly below; and she had never +felt free to linger. Margery had a duplicate key; for she herself went +up every day to open the windows, dust tenderly all special treasures; +and keep it exactly as its owner had liked it kept, when his quick eyes +could look around it. But this key was always on Margery's bunch; and +Jane did not like to ask admission, and risk a possible refusal. +</P> + +<P> +Now, however, she could take her own time; and she seated herself in +one of the low and very deep wicker lounge-chairs, comfortably +upholstered; so exactly fitting her proportions, and supporting arms, +knees, and head, just rightly, that it seemed as if all other chairs +would in future appear inadequate, owing to the absolute perfection of +this one. Ah, to be just that to her beloved! To so fully meet his +need, at every point, that her presence should be to him always a +source of strength, and rest, and consolation. +</P> + +<P> +She looked around the room. It was so like Garth; every detail perfect; +every shade of colour enhancing another, and being enhanced by it. The +arrangements for regulating the light, both from roof and windows; the +easels of all kinds and sizes; clean bareness, where space, and freedom +from dust, were required; the luxurious comfort round the fireplace, +and in nooks and corners; all were so perfect. And the plain brown +wall-paper, of that beautiful quiet shade which has in it no red, and +no yellow; a clear nut-brown. On an easel near the further window stood +an unfinished painting; palette and brushes beside it, just as Garth +had left them when he went out on that morning, nearly three months +ago; and, vaulting over a gate to protect a little animal from +unnecessary pain, was plunged himself into such utter loss and anguish. +</P> + +<P> +Jane rose, and took stock of all his quaint treasures on the +mantelpiece. Especially her mind was held and fascinated by a stout +little bear in brass, sitting solidly yet jauntily on its haunches, its +front paws clasping a brazen pole; its head turned sideways; its small, +beady, eyes, looking straight before it. The chain, from its neck to +the pole denoted captivity and possible fierceness. Jane had no doubt +its head would lift, and its body prove a receptacle for matches; but +she felt equally certain that, should she lift its head and look, no +matches would be within it. This little bear was unmistakably Early +Victorian; a friend of childhood's days; and would not be put to common +uses. She lifted the head. The body was empty. She replaced it gently +on the mantelpiece, and realised that she was deliberately postponing +an ordeal which must be faced. +</P> + +<P> +Deryck had told her of Garth's pictures of the One Woman. Garth, +himself, had now told her even more. But the time had come when she +must see them for herself. It was useless to postpone the moment. She +looked towards the yellow screen. +</P> + +<P> +Then she walked, over to the western window, and threw it wide open. +The sun was dipping gently towards the purple hills. The deep blue of +the sky began to pale, as a hint of lovely rose crept into it. Jane +looked heavenward and, thrusting her hands deeply into her pockets, +spoke aloud. "Before God" she said,—"in case I am never able to say or +think it again, I will say it now—I BELIEVE I WAS RIGHT. I considered +Garth's future happiness, and I considered my own. I decided as I did +for both our sakes, at terrible cost to present joy. But, before God, I +believed I was right; and—I BELIEVE IT STILL." +</P> + +<P> +Jane never said it again. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap29"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XXIX +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +JANE LOOKS INTO LOVE'S MIRROR +</H3> + +<P> +Behind the yellow screen, Jane found a great confusion of canvases, and +unmistakable evidence of the blind hands which had groped about in a +vain search, and then made fruitless endeavours to sort and rearrange. +Very tenderly, Jane picked up each canvas from the fallen heap; turning +it the right way up, and standing it with its face to the wall. +Beautiful work, was there; some of it finished; some, incomplete. One +or two faces she knew, looked out at her in their pictured loveliness. +But the canvases she sought were not there. +</P> + +<P> +She straightened herself, and looked around. In a further corner, +partly concealed by a Cairo screen, stood another pile. Jane went to +them. +</P> + +<P> +Almost immediately she found the two she wanted; larger than the rest, +and distinguishable at a glance by the soft black gown of the central +figure. +</P> + +<P> +Without giving them more than a passing look, she carried them over to +the western window, and placed them in a good light. Then she drew up +the chair in which she had been sitting; took the little brass bear in +her left hand, as a talisman to help her through what lay before her; +turned the second picture with its face to the easel; and sat down to +the quiet contemplation of the first. +</P> + +<P> +The noble figure of a woman, nobly painted, was the first impression +which leapt from eye to brain. Yes, nobility came first, in stately +pose, in uplifted brow, in breadth of dignity. Then—as you marked the +grandly massive figure, too well-proportioned to be cumbersome, but +large and full, and amply developed; the length of limb; the firmly +planted feet; the large capable hands,—you realised the second +impression conveyed by the picture, to be strength;—strength to do; +strength to be; strength to continue. Then you looked into the face. +And there you were confronted with a great surprise. The third thought +expressed by the picture was Love—love, of the highest, holiest, most +ideal, kind; yet, withal, of the most tenderly human order; and you +found it in that face. +</P> + +<P> +It was a large face, well proportioned to the figure. It had no +pretensions whatever to ordinary beauty. The features were good; there +was not an ugly line about them; and yet, each one just missed the +beautiful; and the general effect was of a good-looking plainness; +unadorned, unconcealed, and unashamed. But the longer you looked, the +more desirable grew the face; the less you noticed its negations; the +more you admired its honesty, its purity, its immense strength of +purpose; its noble simplicity. You took in all these outward details; +you looked away for a moment, to consider them; you looked back to +verify them; and then the miracle happened. Into the face had stolen +the "light that never was on sea or land." It shone from the quiet grey +eyes,—as, over the head of the man who knelt before her, they looked +out of the picture—with an expression of the sublime surrender of a +woman's whole soul to an emotion which, though it sways and masters +her, yet gives her the power to be more truly herself than ever before. +The startled joy in them; the marvel at a mystery not yet understood; +the passionate tenderness; and yet the almost divine compassion for the +unrestrained violence of feeling, which had flung the man to his knees, +and driven him to the haven of her breast; the yearning to soothe, and +give, and content;—all these were blended into a look of such +exquisite sweetness, that it brought tears to the eyes of the beholder. +</P> + +<P> +The woman was seated on a broad marble parapet. She looked straight +before her. Her knees came well forward, and the long curve of the +train of her black gown filled the foreground on the right. On the +left, slightly to one side of her, knelt a man, a tall slight figure in +evening dress, his arms thrown forward around her waist; his face +completely hidden in the soft lace at her bosom; only the back of his +sleek dark head, visible. And yet the whole figure denoted a passion of +tense emotion. She had gathered him to her with what you knew must have +been an exquisite gesture, combining the utter self-surrender of the +woman, with the tender throb of maternal solicitude; and now her hands +were clasped behind his head, holding him closely to her. Not a word +was being spoken. The hidden face was obviously silent; and her firm +lips above his dark head were folded in a line of calm self-control; +though about them hovered the dawning of a smile of bliss ineffable. +</P> + +<P> +A crimson rambler rose climbing some woodwork faintly indicated on the +left, and hanging in a glowing mass from the top left-hand corner, +supplied the only vivid colour in the picture. +</P> + +<P> +But, from taking in these minor details, the eye returned to that calm +tender face, alight with love; to those strong capable hands, now +learning for the first time to put forth the protective passion of a +woman's tenderness; and the mind whispered the only possible name for +that picture: The Wife. +</P> + +<P> +Jane gazed at it long, in silence. Had Garth's little bear been +anything less solid than Early Victorian brass; it must have bent and +broken under the strong pressure of those clenched hands. +</P> + +<P> +She could not doubt, for a moment, that she looked upon herself; but, +oh, merciful heavens! how unlike the reflected self of her own mirror! +Once or twice as she looked, her mind refused to work, and she simply +gazed blankly at the minor details of the picture. But then again, the +expression of the grey eyes drew her, recalling so vividly every +feeling she had experienced when that dear head had come so +unexpectedly to its resting-place upon her bosom. "It is true," she +whispered; and again: "Yes; it is true. I cannot deny it. It is as I +felt; it must be as I looked." +</P> + +<P> +And then, suddenly; she fell upon her knees before the picture. "Oh, my +God! Is that as I looked? And the next thing that happened was my boy +lifting his shining eyes and gazing at me in the moonlight. Is THIS +what he saw? Did I look SO? And did the woman who looked so; and who, +looking so, pressed his head down again upon her breast, refuse next +day to marry him, on the grounds of his youth, and her superiority?... +Oh, Garth, Garth! ... O God, help him to understand! ... help him +to forgive me!" +</P> + +<P> +In the work-room just below, Maggie the housemaid was singing as she +sewed. The sound floated through the open window, each syllable +distinct in the clear Scotch voice, and reached Jane where she knelt. +Her mind, stunned to blankness by its pain, took eager hold upon the +words of Maggie's hymn. And they were these. +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "O Love, that will not let me go,<BR> + I rest my weary soul in Thee;<BR> + I give Thee back the life I owe,<BR> + That in Thine ocean depths its flow<BR> + May richer, fuller be."<BR> +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "O Light, that followest all my way,<BR> + I yield my flick'ring torch to Thee;<BR> + My heart restores its borrowed ray,<BR> + That in Thy sunshine's blaze its day<BR> + May brighter, fairer be."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +Jane took the second picture, and placed it in front of the first. +</P> + +<P> +The same woman, seated as before; but the man was not there; and in her +arms, its tiny dark head pillowed against the fulness of her breast, +lay a little child. The woman did not look over that small head, but +bent above it, and gazed into the baby face. +</P> + +<P> +The crimson rambler had grown right across the picture, and formed a +glowing arch above mother and child. A majesty of tenderness was in the +large figure of the mother. The face, as regarded contour and features, +was no less plain; but again it was transfigured, by the mother-love +thereon depicted. You knew "The Wife" had more than fulfilled her +abundant promise. The wife was there in fullest realisation; and, added +to wifehood, the wonder of motherhood. All mysteries were explained; +all joys experienced; and the smile on her calm lips, bespoke ineffable +content. +</P> + +<P> +A rambler rose had burst above them, and fallen in a shower of crimson +petals upon mother and child. The baby-fingers clasped tightly the soft +lace at her bosom. A petal had fallen upon the tiny wrist. She had +lifted her hand to remove it; and, catching the baby-eyes, so dark and +shining, paused for a moment, and smiled. +</P> + +<P> +Jane, watching them, fell to desperate weeping. The "mere boy" had +understood her potential possibilities of motherhood far better than +she understood them herself. Having had one glimpse of her as "The +Wife," his mind had leaped on, and seen her as "The Mother." And again +she was forced to say: "It is true—yes; it is true." +</P> + +<P> +And then she recalled the old line of cruel reasoning: +</P> + +<P> +"It was not the sort of face one would have wanted to see always in +front of one at table." Was this the sort of face—this, as Garth had +painted it, after a supposed year of marriage? Would any man weary of +it, or wish to turn away his eyes? +</P> + +<P> +Jane took one more long look. Then she dropped the little bear, and +buried her face in her hands; while a hot blush crept up to the very +roots of her hair, and tingled to her finger-tips. +</P> + +<P> +Below, the fresh young voice was singing again. +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "O Joy, that seekest me through pain,<BR> + I cannot close my heart to Thee;<BR> + I trace the rainbow through the rain,<BR> + And feel the promise is not vain<BR> + That morn shall tearless be."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +After a while Jane whispered: "Oh, my darling, forgive me. I was +altogether wrong. I will confess; and, God helping me, I will explain; +and, oh, my darling, you will forgive me?" +</P> + +<P> +Once more she lifted her head and looked at the picture. A few stray +petals of the crimson rambler lay upon the ground; reminding her of +those crushed roses, which, falling from her breast, lay scattered on +the terrace at Shenstone, emblem of the joyous hopes and glory of love +which her decision of that night had laid in the dust of disillusion. +But crowning this picture, in rich clusters of abundant bloom, grew the +rambler rose. And through the open window came the final verse of +Maggie's hymn. +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "O Cross, that liftest up my head,<BR> + I dare not ask to fly from Thee;<BR> + I lay in dust life's glory dead,<BR> + And from the ground there blossoms red<BR> + Life that shall endless be."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +Jane went to the western window, and stood, with her arms stretched +above her, looking out upon the radiance of the sunset. The sky blazed +into gold and crimson at the horizon; gradually as the eye lifted, +paling to primrose, flecked with rosy clouds; and, overhead, deep +blue—fathomless, boundless, blue. +</P> + +<P> +Jane gazed at the golden battlements above the purple hills, and +repeated, half aloud: "And the city was of pure gold;—and had no need +of the sun, neither of the moon to shine in it: for the glory of God +did lighten it. And there shall be no more death; neither sorrow, nor +crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are +passed away." +</P> + +<P> +Ah, how much had passed away since she stood at that western window, +not an hour before. All life seemed readjusted; its outlook altered; +its perspective changed. Truly Garth had "gone behind his blindness." +</P> + +<P> +Jane raised her eyes to the blue; and a smile of unspeakable +anticipation parted her lips. "Life, that shall endless be," she +murmured. Then, turning, found the little bear, and restored him to his +place upon the mantelpiece; put back the chair; closed the western +window; and, picking up the two canvases, left the studio, and made her +way carefully downstairs. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap30"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XXX +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +"THE LADY PORTRAYED" +</H3> + +<P> +"It has taken you long, Miss Gray. I nearly sent Simpson up, to find +out what had happened." +</P> + +<P> +"I am glad you did not do that, Mr. Dalmain. Simpson would have found +me weeping on the studio floor; and to ask his assistance under those +circumstances, would have been more humbling than inquiring after the +fly in the soup!" +</P> + +<P> +Garth turned quickly in his chair. The artist-ear had caught the tone +which meant comprehension of his work. +</P> + +<P> +"Weeping!" he said. "Why?" +</P> + +<P> +"Because," answered Nurse Rosemary, "I have been entranced. These +pictures are so exquisite. They stir one's deepest depths. And yet they +are so pathetic—ah, SO pathetic; because you have made a plain woman, +beautiful." +</P> + +<P> +Garth rose to his feet, and turned upon her a face which would have +blazed, had it not been sightless. +</P> + +<P> +"A WHAT?" he exclaimed. +</P> + +<P> +"A plain woman," repeated Nurse Rosemary, quietly. "Surely you realised +your model to be that. And therein lies the wonder of the pictures. You +have so beautified her by wifehood, and glorified her by motherhood, +that the longer one looks the more one forgets her plainness; seeing +her as loving and loved; lovable, and therefore lovely. It is a triumph +of art." +</P> + +<P> +Garth sat down, his hands clasped before him. +</P> + +<P> +"It is a triumph of truth," he said. "I painted what I saw." +</P> + +<P> +"You painted her soul," said Nurse Rosemary, "and it illuminated her +plain face." +</P> + +<P> +"I SAW her soul," said Garth, almost in a whisper; "and that vision was +so radiant that it illumined my dark life. The remembrance lightens my +darkness, even now." +</P> + +<P> +A very tender silence fell in the library. +</P> + +<P> +The twilight deepened. +</P> + +<P> +Then Nurse Rosemary spoke, very low. "Mr. Dalmain, I have a request to +make of you. I want to beg you not to destroy these pictures." +</P> + +<P> +Garth lifted his head. "I must destroy them, child," he said. "I cannot +risk their being seen by people who would recognise my—the—the lady +portrayed." +</P> + +<P> +"At all events, there is one person who must see them, before they are +destroyed." +</P> + +<P> +"And that is?" queried Garth. +</P> + +<P> +"The lady portrayed," said Nurse Rosemary, bravely. +</P> + +<P> +"How do you know she has not seen them?" +</P> + +<P> +"Has she?" inquired Nurse Rosemary. +</P> + +<P> +"No," said Garth, shortly; "and she never will." +</P> + +<P> +"She must." +</P> + +<P> +Something in the tone of quiet insistence struck Garth. +</P> + +<P> +"Why?" he asked; and listened with interest for the answer. +</P> + +<P> +"Because of all it would mean to a woman who knows herself plain, to +see herself thus beautified." +</P> + +<P> +Garth sat very still for a few moments. Then: "A woman +who—knows—herself—plain?" he repeated, with interrogative amazement +in his voice. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," proceeded Nurse Rosemary, encouraged. "Do you suppose, for a +moment, that that lady's mirror has ever shown her a reflection in any +way approaching what you have made her in these pictures? When we stand +before our looking-glasses, Mr. Dalmain, scowling anxiously at hats and +bows, and partings, we usually look our very worst; and that lady, at +her very worst, would be of a most discouraging plainness." +</P> + +<P> +Garth sat perfectly silent. +</P> + +<P> +"Depend upon it," continued Nurse Rosemary, "she never sees herself as +'The Wife'—'The Mother.' Is she a wife?". +</P> + +<P> +Garth hesitated only the fraction of a second. "Yes," he said, very +quietly. +</P> + +<P> +Jane's hands flew to her breast. Her heart must be held down, or he +would hear it throbbing. +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary's voice had in it only a slight tremor, when she spoke +again. +</P> + +<P> +"Is she a mother?" +</P> + +<P> +"No," said Garth. "I painted what might have been." +</P> + +<P> +"If—?" +</P> + +<P> +"If it HAD been," replied Garth, curtly. +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary felt rebuked. "Dear Mr. Dalmain," she said, humbly; "I +realise how officious I must seem to you, with all these questions, and +suggestions. But you must blame the hold these wonderful paintings of +yours have taken on my mind. Oh, they are beautiful—beautiful!" +</P> + +<P> +"Ah," said Garth, the keen pleasure of the artist springing up once +more. "Miss Gray, I have somewhat forgotten them. Have you them here? +That is right. Put them up before you, and describe them to me. Let me +hear how they struck you, as pictures." Jane rose, and went to the +window. She threw it open; and as she breathed in the fresh air, +breathed out a passionate prayer that her nerve, her voice, her +self-control might not fail her, in this critical hour. She herself had +been convicted by Garth's pictures. Now she must convince Garth, by her +description of them. He must be made to believe in the love he had +depicted. +</P> + +<P> +Then Nurse Rosemary sat down; and, in the gentle, unemotional voice, +which was quite her own, described to the eager ears of the blind +artist, exactly what Jane had seen in the studio. +</P> + +<P> +It was perfectly done. It was mercilessly done. All the desperate, +hopeless, hunger for Jane, awoke in Garth; the maddening knowledge that +she had been his, and yet not his; that, had he pressed for her answer +that evening, it could not have been a refusal; that the cold +calculations of later hours, had no place in those moments of ecstasy. +Yet—he lost her—lost her! Why? Ah, why? Was there any possible reason +other than the one she gave? +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary's quiet voice went on, regardless of his writhings. But +she was drawing to a close. "And it is such a beautiful crimson +rambler, Mr. Dalmain," she said. "I like the idea of its being small +and in bud, in the first picture; and blooming in full glory, in the +second." +</P> + +<P> +Garth pulled himself together and smiled. He must not give way before +this girl. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," he said; "I am glad you noticed that. And, look here. We will +not destroy them at once. Now they are found, there is no hurry. I am +afraid I am giving you a lot of trouble; but will you ask for some +large sheets of brown paper, and make a package, and write upon it: +'Not to be opened,' and tell Margery to put them back in the studio. +Then, when I want them, at any time, I shall have no difficulty in +identifying them." +</P> + +<P> +"I am so glad," said Nurse Rosemary. "Then perhaps the plain lady—" +</P> + +<P> +"I cannot have her spoken of so," said Garth, hotly. "I do not know +what she thought of herself—I doubt if she ever gave a thought to self +at all. I do not know what you would have thought of her. I can only +tell you that, to me, hers is the one face which is visible in my +darkness. All the loveliness I have painted, all the beauty I have +admired, fades from my mental vision, as wreaths of mist; flutters from +memory's sight, as autumn leaves. Her face alone abides; calm, holy, +tender, beautiful,—it is always before me. And it pains me that one +who has only seen her as MY hand depicted her should speak of her as +plain." +</P> + +<P> +"Forgive me," said Nurse Rosemary, humbly. "I did not mean to pain you, +sir. And, to show you what your pictures have done for me, may I tell +you a resolution I made in the studio? I cannot miss what they +depict—the sweetest joys of life—for want of the courage to confess +myself wrong; pocket my pride; and be frank and humble. I am going to +write a full confession to my young man, as to my share of the +misunderstanding which has parted us. Do you think he will understand? +Do you think he will forgive?" +</P> + +<P> +Garth smiled. He tried to call up an image of a pretty troubled face, +framed in a fluffy setting of soft fair hair. It harmonised so little +with the voice; but it undoubtedly was Nurse Rosemary Gray, as others +saw her. +</P> + +<P> +"He will be a brute if he doesn't, child," he said. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap31"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XXXI +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +IN LIGHTER VEIN +</H3> + +<P> +Dinner that evening, the first at their small round table, was a great +success. Nurse Rosemary's plans all worked well; and Garth delighted in +arrangements which made him feel less helpless. +</P> + +<P> +The strain of the afternoon brought its reaction of merriment. A little +judicious questioning drew forth further stories of the duchess and her +pets; and Miss Champion's name came in with a frequency which they both +enjoyed. +</P> + +<P> +It was a curious experience for Jane, to hear herself described in +Garth's vivid word-painting. Until that fatal evening at Shenstone, she +had been remarkably free from self-consciousness; and she had no idea +that she had a way of looking straight into people's eyes when she +talked to them, and that that was what muddled up "the silly little +minds of women who say they are afraid of her, and that she makes them +nervous! You see she looks right into their shallow shuffling little +souls, full of conceited thoughts about themselves, and nasty +ill-natured thoughts about her; and no wonder they grow panic-stricken, +and flee; and talk of her as 'that formidable Miss Champion.' I never +found her formidable; but, when I had the chance of a real talk with +her, I used to be thankful I had nothing of which to be ashamed. Those +clear eyes touched bottom every time, as our kindred over the water so +expressively put it." +</P> + +<P> +Neither had Jane any idea that she always talked with a poker, if +possible; building up the fire while she built up her own argument; or +attacking it vigorously, while she demolished her opponent's; that she +stirred the fire with her toe, but her very smart boots never seemed +any the worse; that when pondering a difficult problem, she usually +stood holding her chin in her right hand, until she had found the +solution. All these small characteristics Garth described with vivid +touch, and dwelt upon with a tenacity of remembrance, which astonished +Jane, and revealed him, in his relation to herself three years before, +in a new light. +</P> + +<P> +His love for her had been so suddenly disclosed, and had at once had to +be considered as a thing to be either accepted or put away; so that +when she decided to put it away, it seemed not to have had time to +become in any sense part of her life. She had viewed it; realised all +it might have meant; and put it from her. +</P> + +<P> +But now she understood how different it had been for Garth. During the +week which preceded his declaration, he had realised, to the full, the +meaning of their growing intimacy; and, as his certainty increased, he +had more and more woven her into his life; his vivid imagination +causing her to appear as his beloved from the first; loved and wanted, +when as yet they were merely acquaintances; kindred spirits; friends. +</P> + +<P> +To find herself thus shrined in his heart and memory was infinitely +touching to Jane; and seemed to promise, with sweet certainty, that it +would not be difficult to come home there to abide, when once all +barriers between them were removed. +</P> + +<P> +After dinner, Garth sat long at the piano, filling the room with +harmony. Once or twice the theme of The Rosary crept in, and Jane +listened anxiously for its development; but almost immediately it gave +way to something else. It seemed rather to haunt the other melodies, +than to be actually there itself. +</P> + +<P> +When Garth left the piano, and, guided by the purple cord, reached his +chair, Nurse Rosemary said gently "Mr. Dalmain, can you spare me for a +few days at the end of this week?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, why?" said Garth. "To go where? And for how long? Ah, I know I +ought to say: 'Certainly! Delighted!' after all your goodness to me. +But I really cannot! You don't know what life was without you, when you +week-ended! That week-end seemed months, even though Brand was here. It +is your own fault for making yourself so indispensable." +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary smiled. "I daresay I shall not be away for long," she +said. "That is, if you want me, I can return. But, Mr. Dalmain, I +intend to-night to write that letter of which I told you. I shall post +it to-morrow. I must follow it up almost immediately. I must be with +him when he receives it, or soon afterwards. I think—I hope—he will +want me at once. This is Monday. May I go on Thursday?" +</P> + +<P> +Poor Garth looked blankly dismayed. +</P> + +<P> +"Do nurses, as a rule, leave their patients, and rush off to their +young men in order to find out how they have liked their letters?" he +inquired, in mock protest. +</P> + +<P> +"Not as a rule, sir," replied Nurse Rosemary, demurely. "But this is an +exceptional case." +</P> + +<P> +"I shall wire to Brand." +</P> + +<P> +"He will send you a more efficient and more dependable person." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh you wicked little thing!" cried Garth. "If Miss Champion were here, +she would shake you! You, know perfectly well that nobody could fill +your place!" +</P> + +<P> +"It is good of you to say so, sir," replied Nurse Rosemary, meekly. +"And is Miss Champion much addicted to shaking people?" +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +"Don't call me 'sir'! Yes; when people are tiresome she often says she +would like to shake them; and one has a mental vision of how their +teeth would chatter. There is a certain little lady of our acquaintance +whom we always call 'Mrs. Do-and-don't.' She isn't in our set; but she +calls upon it; and sometimes it asks her to lunch, for fun. If you +inquire whether she likes a thing, she says: 'Well, I do, and I don't.' +If you ask whether she is going to a certain function, she says: 'Well, +I am, and I'm not.' And if you send her a note, imploring a straight +answer to a direct question, the answer comes back: 'Yes AND no.' Miss +Champion used to say she would like to take her up by the scruff of her +feather boa, and shake her, asking at intervals: 'Shall I stop?' so as +to wring from Mrs. Do-and-don't a definite affirmative, for once." +</P> + +<P> +"Could Miss Champion carry out such a threat? Is she a very massive +person?" +</P> + +<P> +"Well, she could, you know; but she wouldn't. She is most awfully kind, +even to little freaks she laughs at. No, she isn't massive. That word +does not describe her at all. But she is large, and very finely +developed. Do you know the Venus of Milo? Yes; in the Louvre. I am glad +you know Paris. Well, just imagine the Venus of Milo in a tailor-made +coat and skirt,—and you have Miss Champion." +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary laughed, hysterically. Either the Venus of Milo, or Miss +Champion, or this combination of both, proved too much for her. +</P> + +<P> +"Little Dicky Brand summed up Mrs. Do-and-don't rather well," pursued +Garth. "She was calling at Wimpole Street, on Lady Brand's 'at home' +day. And Dicky stood talking to me, in his black velvets and white +waistcoat, a miniature edition of Sir Deryck. He indicated Mrs. +Do-and-don't on a distant lounge, and remarked: 'THAT lady never KNOWS; +she always THINKS. I asked her if her little girl might come to my +party, and she said: "I think so." Now if she had asked ME if I was +coming to HER party, I should have said: "Thank you; I am." It is very +trying when people only THINK about important things, such as little +girls and parties; because their thinking never amounts to much. It +does not so much matter what they think about other things—the +weather, for instance; because that all happens, whether they think or +not. Mummie asked that lady whether it was raining when she got here; +and she said: "I THINK not." I can't imagine why Mummie always wants to +know what her friends think about the weather. I have heard her ask +seven ladies this afternoon whether it is raining. Now if father or I +wanted to know whether it was raining we should just step over to the +window, and look out; and then come back and go do with really +interesting conversation. But Mummie asks them whether it is raining, +or whether they think it has been raining, or is going to rain; and +when they have told her, she hurries away and asks somebody else. I +asked the thinking lady in the feather thing, whether she knew who the +father and mother were, of the young lady whom Cain married; and she +said: "Well, I do; and I don't." I said: "If you DO, perhaps you will +tell me. And if you DON'T, perhaps you would like to take my hand, and +we will walk over together and ask the Bishop—the one with the thin +legs, and the gold cross, talking to Mummie." But she thought she had +to go, quite in a hurry. So I saw her off; and then asked the Bishop +alone. Bishops are most satisfactory kind of people; because they are +quite sure about everything; and you feel safe in quoting them to +Nurse. Nurse told Marsdon that this one is in "sheep's clothing," +because he wears a gold cross. I saw the cross; but I saw no sheep's +clothing. I was looking out for the kind of woolly thing our new curate +wears on his back in church. Should you call that "sheep's clothing"? I +asked father, and he said: "No. Bunny-skin." And mother seemed as +shocked as if father and I had spoken in church, instead of just as we +came out. And she said: "It is a B.A. hood." Possibly she thinks "baa" +is spelled with only one "a." Anyway father and I felt it best to let +the subject drop.'" +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary laughed. "How exactly like Dicky," she said. "I could +hear his grave little voice, and almost see him pull down his small +waistcoat!" +</P> + +<P> +"Why, do you know the little chap?" asked Garth. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," replied Nurse Rosemary; "I have stayed with them. Talking to +Dicky is an education; and Baby Blossom is a sweet romp. Here comes +Simpson. How quickly the evening has flown. Then may I be off on +Thursday?" +</P> + +<P> +"I am helpless," said Garth. "I cannot say 'no.' But suppose you do not +come back?" +</P> + +<P> +"Then you can wire to Dr. Brand." +</P> + +<P> +"I believe you want to leave me," said Garth reproachfully. +</P> + +<P> +"I do, and I don't!" laughed Nurse Rosemary; and fled from his +outstretched hands. +</P> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<P> +When Jane had locked the letter-bag earlier that evening, and handed it +to Simpson, she had slipped in two letters of her own. One was +addressed to +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> + Georgina, Duchess of Meldrum<BR> + Portland Place<BR> +</P> + +<P> +The other, to +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> + Sir Deryck Brand<BR> + Wimpole Street<BR> +</P> + +<P> +Both were marked: Urgent. If absent, forward immediately. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap32"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XXXII +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +AN INTERLUDE +</H3> + +<P> +Tuesday passed uneventfully, to all outward seeming. +</P> + +<P> +There was nothing to indicate to Garth that his secretary had sat up +writing most of the night; only varying that employment by spending +long moments in silent contemplation of his pictures, which had found a +temporary place of safety, on their way back to the studio, in a deep +cupboard in her room, of which she had the key. +</P> + +<P> +If Nurse Rosemary marked, with a pang of tender compunction, the worn +look on Garth's face, telling how mental suffering had chased away +sleep; she made no comment thereupon. +</P> + +<P> +Thus Tuesday passed, in uneventful monotony. +</P> + +<P> +Two telegrams had arrived for Nurse Gray in the course of the morning. +The first came while she was reading a Times leader aloud to Garth. +Simpson brought it in, saying: "A telegram for you, miss." +</P> + +<P> +It was always a source of gratification to Simpson afterwards, that, +almost from the first, he had been led, by what he called his "unHaided +HintuHition," to drop the "nurse," and address Jane with the +conventional "miss." In time he almost convinced himself that he had +also discerned in her "a Honourable"; but this, Margery Graem firmly +refused to allow. She herself had had her "doots," and kept them to +herself; but all Mr. Simpson's surmisings had been freely expressed and +reiterated in the housekeeper's room; and never a word about any +honourable lead passed Mr. Simpson's lips. Therefore Mrs. Graem berated +him for being so ready to "go astray and speak lies." But Maggie, the +housemaid, had always felt sure Mr. Simpson knew more than he said. +"Said more than he knew, you mean," prompted old Margery. "No," +retorted Maggie, "I know what I said; and I said what I meant." "You +may have said what you meant, but you did not mean what you knew," +insisted Margery; "and if anybody says another word on the matter, <I>I</I> +shall say grace and dismiss the table," continued old Margery, +exercising the cloture, by virtue of her authority, in a way which +Simpson and Maggie, who both wished for cheese, afterwards described as +"mean." +</P> + +<P> +But this was long after the uneventful Tuesday, when Simpson entered, +with a salver; and, finding Jane enveloped in the Times, said: "A +telegram for you, miss." +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary took it; apologised for the interruption, and opened it. +It was from the duchess, and ran thus: +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +MOST INCONVENIENT, AS YOU VERY WELL KNOW; BUT AM LEAVING EUSTON +TO-NIGHT. WILL AWAIT FURTHER ORDERS AT ABERDEEN. +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary smiled, and put the telegram into her pocket. "No +answer, thank you, Simpson." +</P> + +<P> +"Not bad news, I hope?" asked Garth. +</P> + +<P> +"No," replied Nurse Rosemary; "but it makes my departure on Thursday +imperative. It is from an old aunt of mine, who is going to my 'young +man's' home. I must be with him before she is, or there will be endless +complications." +</P> + +<P> +"I don't believe he will ever let you go again, when once he gets you +back," remarked Garth, moodily. +</P> + +<P> +"You think not?" said Nurse Rosemary, with a tender little smile, as +she took up the paper, and resumed her reading. +</P> + +<P> +The second telegram arrived after luncheon. Garth was at the piano, +thundering Beethoven's Funeral March on the Death of a Hero. The room +was being rent asunder by mighty chords; and Simpson's smug face and +side-whiskers appearing noiselessly in the doorway, were an +insupportable anticlimax. Nurse Rosemary laid her finger on her lips; +advanced with her firm noiseless tread, and took the telegram. She +returned to her seat and waited until the hero's obsequies were over, +and the last roll of the drums had died away. Then she opened the +orange envelope. And as she opened it, a strange thing happened. Garth +began to play The Rosary. The string of pearls dropped in liquid sound +from his fingers; and Nurse Rosemary read her telegram. It was from the +doctor, and said: SPECIAL LICENSE EASILY OBTAINED. FLOWER AND I WILL +COME WHENEVER YOU WISH. WIRE AGAIN. +</P> + +<P> +The Rosary drew to a soft melancholy close. +</P> + +<P> +"What shall I play next?" asked Garth, suddenly. +</P> + +<P> +"Veni, Creator Spiritus," said Nurse Rosemary; and bowed her head in +prayer. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap33"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XXXIII +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +"SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN!" +</H3> + +<P> +Wednesday dawned; an ideal First of May: Garth was in the garden before +breakfast. Jane heard him singing, as he passed beneath her window. +</P> + +<P> +"It is not mine to sing the stately grace, The great soul beaming in my +lady's face." +</P> + +<P> +She leaned out. +</P> + +<P> +He was walking below in the freshest of white flannels; his step so +light and elastic; his every movement so lithe and graceful; the only +sign of his blindness the Malacca cane he held in his hand, with which +he occasionally touched the grass border, or the wall of the house. She +could only see the top of his dark head. It might have been on the +terrace at Shenstone, three years before. She longed to call from the +window; "Darling—my Darling! Good morning! God bless you to-day." +</P> + +<P> +Ah what would to-day bring forth;—the day when her full confession, +and explanation, and plea for pardon, would reach him? He was such a +boy in many ways; so light-hearted, loving, artistic, poetic, +irrepressible; ever young, in spite of his great affliction. But where +his manhood was concerned; his love; his right of choice and of +decision; of maintaining a fairly-formed opinion, and setting aside the +less competent judgment of others; she knew him rigid, inflexible. His +very pain seemed to cool him, from the molten lover, to the bar of +steel. +</P> + +<P> +As Jane knelt at her window that morning, she had not the least idea +whether the evening would find her travelling to Aberdeen, to take the +night mail south; or at home forever in the heaven of Garth's love. +</P> + +<P> +And down below he passed again, still singing: +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "But mine it is to follow in her train;<BR> + Do her behests in pleasure or in pain;<BR> + Burn at her altar love's sweet frankincense,<BR> + And worship her in distant reverence."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, beloved!" whispered Jane, "not 'distant.' If you want her, and +call her, it will be to the closest closeness love can devise. No more +distance between you and me." +</P> + +<P> +And then, in the curious way in which inspired words will sometimes +occur to the mind quite apart from their inspired context, and bearing +a totally different meaning from that which they primarily bear, these +words came to Jane: "For He is our peace, Who hath made both one, and +hath broken down the middle wall of partition between us ... that He +might reconcile both ... by the cross." "Ah, dear Christ!" she +whispered. "If Thy cross could do this for Jew and Gentile, may not my +boy's heavy cross, so bravely borne, do it for him and for me? So shall +we come at last, indeed, to 'kiss the cross.'" +</P> + +<P> +The breakfast gong boomed through the house. Simpson loved gongs. He +considered them "Haristocratic." He always gave full measure. +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary went down to breakfast. +</P> + +<P> +Garth came in, through the French window, humming "The thousand +beauties that I know so well." He was in his gayest, most inconsequent +mood. He had picked a golden rosebud in the conservatory and wore it in +his buttonhole. He carried a yellow rose in his hand. +</P> + +<P> +"Good day, Miss Rosemary," he said. "What a May Day! Simpson and I were +up with the lark; weren't we, Simpson? Poor Simpson felt like a sort of +'Queen of the May,' when my electric bell trilled in his room, at 5 +A.M. But I couldn't stay in bed. I woke with my +something-is-going-to-happen feeling; and when I was a little chap and +woke with that, Margery used to say: 'Get up quickly then, Master +Garth, and it will happen all the sooner.' You ask her if she didn't, +Simpson. Miss Gray, did you ever learn: 'If you're waking call me +early, call me early, mother dear'? I always hated that young woman! I +should think, in her excited state, she would have been waking long +before her poor mother, who must have been worn to a perfect rag, +making all the hussy's May Queen-clothes, overnight." +</P> + +<P> +Simpson had waited to guide him to his place at the table. Then he +removed the covers, and left the room. +</P> + +<P> +As soon as he had closed the door behind him, Garth leaned forward, and +with unerring accuracy laid the opening rose upon Nurse Rosemary's +plate. +</P> + +<P> +"Roses for Rosemary," he said. "Wear it, if you are sure the young man +would not object. I have been thinking about him and the aunt. I wish +you could ask them both here, instead of going away on Thursday. We +would have the 'maddest, merriest time!' I would play with the aunt, +while you had it out with the young man. And I could easily keep the +aunt away from nooks and corners, because my hearing is sharper than +any aunt's eyes could be, and if you gave a gentle cough, I would +promptly clutch hold of auntie, and insist upon being guided in the +opposite direction. And I would take her out in the motor; and you and +the young man could have the gig. And then when all was satisfactorily +settled, we could pack them off home, and be by ourselves again. Ah, +Miss Gray, do send for them, instead of leaving me on Thursday." +</P> + +<P> +"Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, reprovingly, as she leaned forward +and touched his right hand with the rim of his saucer, "this May-Day +morning has gone to your head. I shall send for Margery. She may have +known the symptoms, of old." +</P> + +<P> +"It is not that," said Garth. He leaned forward and spoke +confidentially. "Something is going to happen to-day, little Rosemary. +Whenever I feel like this, something happens. The first time it +occurred, about twenty-five years ago, there was a rocking-horse in the +hall, when I ran downstairs! I have never forgotten my first ride on +that rocking-horse. The fearful joy when he went backward; the awful +plunge when he went forward; and the proud moment when it was possible +to cease clinging to the leather pommel. I nearly killed the cousin who +pulled out his tail. I thrashed him, then and there, WITH the tail; +which was such a silly thing to do; because, though it damaged the +cousin, it also spoiled the tail. The next time—ah, but I am boring +you!" +</P> + +<P> +"Not at all," said Nurse Rosemary, politely; "but I want you to have +some breakfast; and the letters will be here in a few minutes." +</P> + +<P> +He looked so brown and radiant, this dear delightful boy, with his +gold-brown tie, and yellow rose. She was conscious of her pallor, and +oppressive earnestness, as she said: "The letters will be here." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, bother the letters!" cried Garth. "Let's have a holiday from +letters on May Day! You shall be Queen of the May; and Margery shall be +the old mother. I will be Robin, with the breaking heart, leaning on +the bridge beneath the hazel tree; and Simpson can be the 'bolder lad.' +And we will all go and 'gather knots of flowers, and buds, and garlands +gay.'" +</P> + +<P> +"Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, laughing, in spite of herself, "you +really must be sensible, or I shall go and consult Margery. I have +never seen you in such a mood." +</P> + +<P> +"You have never seen me, on a day when something was going to happen," +said Garth; and Nurse Rosemary made no further attempt to repress him. +</P> + +<P> +After breakfast, he went to the piano, and played two-steps, and +rag-time music, so infectiously, that Simpson literally tripped as he +cleared the table; and Nurse Rosemary, sitting pale and preoccupied, +with a pile of letters before her, had hard work to keep her feet still. +</P> + +<P> +Simpson had two-stepped to the door with the cloth, and closed it after +him. Nurse Rosemary's remarks about the post-bag, and the letters, had +remained unanswered. "Shine little glowworm glimmer" was pealing gaily +through the room, like silver bells,—when the door opened, and old +Margery appeared, in a black satin apron, and a blue print sunbonnet. +She came straight to the piano, and laid her hand gently on Garth's arm. +</P> + +<P> +"Master Garthie," she said, "on this lovely May morning, will you take +old Margery up into the woods?" +</P> + +<P> +Garth's hands dropped from the keys. "Of course I will, Margie," he +said. "And, I say Margie, SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN." +</P> + +<P> +"I know it, laddie," said the old woman, tenderly; and the expression +with which she looked into the blind face filled Jane's eyes with +tears. "I woke with it too, Master Garthie; and now we will go into the +woods, and listen to the earth, and trees, and flowers, and they will +tell us whether it is for joy, or for sorrow. Come, my own laddie." +</P> + +<P> +Garth rose, as in a dream. Even in his blindness he looked so young, +and so beautiful, that Jane's watching heart stood still. +</P> + +<P> +At the window he paused. "Where is that secretary person?" he said, +vaguely. "She kept trying to shut me up." +</P> + +<P> +"I know she did, laddie," said old Margery, curtseying apologetically +towards Jane. "You see she does not know the +'something-is-going-to-happen-to-day' awakening." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, doesn't she?" thought Jane, as they disappeared through the +window. "But as my Garth has gone off his dear head, and been taken +away by his nurse, the thing that is going to happen, can't happen just +yet." And Jane sat down to the piano, and very softly ran through the +accompaniment of The Rosary. Then,—after shading her eyes on the +terrace, and making sure that a tall white figure leaning on a short +dark one, had almost reached the top of the hill,—still more softly, +she sang it. +</P> + +<P> +Afterwards she went for a tramp on the moors, and steadied her nerve by +the rapid swing of her walk, and the deep inbreathing of that glorious +air. Once or twice she took a telegram from her pocket, stood still and +read it; then tramped on, to the wonder of the words: "Special license +easily obtained." Ah, the license might be easy to obtain; but how +about his forgiveness? That must be obtained first. If there were only +this darling boy to deal with, in his white flannels and yellow roses, +with a May-Day madness in his veins, the license might come at once; +and all he could wish should happen without delay. But this is a +passing phase of Garth. What she has to deal with is the white-faced +man, who calmly said: "I accept the cross," and walked down the village +church leaving her—for all these years. Loving her, as he loved her; +and yet leaving her,—without word or sign, for three long years. To +hire, was the confession; his would be the decision; and, somehow, it +did not surprise her, when she came down to luncheon, a little late, to +find HIM seated at the table. +</P> + +<P> +"Miss Gray," he said gravely, as he heard her enter, "I must apologise +for my behaviour this morning. I was what they call up here 'fey.' +Margery understands the mood; and together she and I have listened to +kind Mother Earth, laying our hands on her sympathetic softness, and +she has told us her secrets. Then I lay down under the fir trees and +slept; and awakened calm and sane, and ready for what to-day must +bring. For it WILL bring something. That is no delusion. It is a day of +great things. That much, Margery knows, too." +</P> + +<P> +"Perhaps," suggested Nurse Rosemary, tentatively, "there may be news of +interest in your letters." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah," said Garth, "I forgot. We have not even opened this morning's +letters. Let us take time for them immediately after lunch. Are there +many?" +</P> + +<P> +"Quite a pile," said Nurse Rosemary. +</P> + +<P> +"Good. We will work soberly through them." +</P> + +<P> +Half an hour later Garth was seated in his chair, calm and expectant; +his face turned towards his secretary. He had handled his letters, and +amongst them he had found one sealed; and the seal was a plumed helmet, +with visor closed. Nurse Rosemary saw him pale, as his fingers touched +it. He made no remark; but, as before, slipped it beneath the rest, +that it might come up for reading, last of all. +</P> + +<P> +When the others were finished, and Nurse Rosemary took up this letter, +the room was very still. They were quite alone. Bees hummed in the +garden. The scent of flowers stole in at the window. But no one +disturbed their solitude. +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary took up the envelope. +</P> + +<P> +"Mr. Dalmain, here is a letter, sealed with scarlet wax. The seal is a +helmet with visor—" +</P> + +<P> +"I know," said Garth. "You need not describe it further. Kindly open +it." +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary opened it. "It is a very long letter, Mr. Dalmain." +</P> + +<P> +"Indeed? Will you please read it to me, Miss Gray." +</P> + +<P> +A tense moment of silence followed. Nurse Rosemary lifted the letter; +but her voice suddenly refused to respond to her will. Garth waited +without further word. +</P> + +<P> +Then Nurse Rosemary said: "Indeed, sir, it seems a most private letter. +I find it difficult to read it to you." +</P> + +<P> +Garth heard the distress in her voice, and turned to her kindly. +</P> + +<P> +"Never mind, my dear child. It in no way concerns you. It is a private +letter to me; but my only means of hearing it is through your eyes, and +from your lips. Besides, the lady, whose seal is a plumed helmet, can +have nothing of a very private nature to say to me." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, but she has," said Nurse Rosemary, brokenly. +</P> + +<P> +Garth considered this in silence. +</P> + +<P> +Then: "Turn over the page," he said, "and tell me the signature." +</P> + +<P> +"There are many pages," said Nurse Rosemary. +</P> + +<P> +"Turn over the pages then," said Garth, sternly. "Do not keep me +waiting. How is that letter signed?" +</P> + +<P> +"YOUR WIFE," whispered Nurse Rosemary. +</P> + +<P> +There was a petrifying quality about the silence which followed. It +seemed as if those two words, whispered into Garth's darkness, had +turned him to stone. +</P> + +<P> +At last he stretched out his hand. "Will you give me that letter, if +you please, Miss Gray? Thank you. I wish to be alone for a quarter of +an hour. I shall be glad if you will be good enough to sit in the +dining-room, and stop any one from coming into this room. I must be +undisturbed. At the end of that time kindly return." +</P> + +<P> +He spoke so quietly that Jane's heart sank within her. Some display of +agitation would have been reassuring. This was the man who, bowing his +dark head towards the crucifixion window, said: "I accept the cross." +This was the man, whose footsteps never once faltered as he strode down +the aisle, and left her. This was the man, who had had the strength, +ever since, to treat that episode between her and himself, as +completely closed; no word of entreaty; no sign of remembrance; no hint +of reproach. And this was the man to whom she had signed herself: "Your +wife." +</P> + +<P> +In her whole life, Jane had never known fear. She knew it now. +</P> + +<P> +As she silently rose and left him, she stole one look at his face. He +was sitting perfectly still; the letter in his hand. He had not turned +his head toward her as he took it. His profile might have been a +beautiful carving in white ivory. There was not the faintest tinge of +colour in his face; just that ivory pallor, against the ebony lines of +his straight brows, and smooth dark hair. +</P> + +<P> +Jane softly left the room, closing the door behind her. +</P> + +<P> +Then followed the longest fifteen minutes she had ever known. She +realised what a tremendous conflict was in progress in that quiet room. +Garth was arriving at his decision without having heard any of her +arguments. By the strange fatality of his own insistence, he had heard +only two words of her letter, and those the crucial words; the two +words to which the whole letter carefully led up. They must have +revealed to him instantly, what the character of the letter would be; +and what was the attitude of mind towards himself, of the woman who +wrote them. +</P> + +<P> +Jane paced the dining-room in desperation, remembering the hours of +thought which had gone to the compiling of sentences, cautiously +preparing his mind to the revelation of the signature. +</P> + +<P> +Suddenly, in the midst of her mental perturbation, there came to her +the remembrance of a conversation between Nurse Rosemary and Garth over +the pictures. The former had said: "Is she a wife?" And Garth had +answered: "Yes." Jane had instantly understood what that answer +revealed and implied. Because Garth had so felt her his during those +wonderful moments on the terrace at Shenstone, that he could look up +into her face and say, "My wife"—not as an interrogation, but as an +absolute statement of fact,—he still held her this, as indissolubly as +if priest, and book, and ring, had gone to the wedding of their union. +To him, the union of souls came before all else; and if that had taken +place, all that might follow was but the outward indorsement of an +accomplished fact. Owing to her fear, mistrust, and deception, nothing +had followed. Their lives had been sundered; they had gone different +ways. He regarded himself as being no more to her than any other man of +her acquaintance. During these years he had believed, that her part in +that evening's wedding of souls had existed in his imagination, only; +and had no binding effect upon her. But his remained. Because those +words were true to him then, he had said them; and, because he had said +them, he would consider her his wife, through life,—and after. It was +the intuitive understanding of this, which had emboldened Jane so to +sign her letter. But how would he reconcile that signature with the +view of her conduct which he had all along taken, without ever having +the slightest conception that there could be any other? +</P> + +<P> +Then Jane remembered, with comfort, the irresistible appeal made by +Truth to the soul of the artist; truth of line; truth of colour; truth +of values; and, in the realm of sound, truth of tone, of harmony, of +rendering, of conception. And when Nurse Rosemary had said of his +painting of "The Wife": "It is a triumph of art"; Garth had replied: +"It is a triumph of truth." And Jane's own verdict on the look he had +seen and depicted was: "It is true—yes, it is true!" Will he not +realise now the truth of that signature; and, if he realises it, will +he not be glad in his loneliness, that his wife should come to him; +unless the confessions and admissions of the letter cause him to put +her away as wholly unworthy? +</P> + +<P> +Suddenly Jane understood the immense advantage of the fact that he +would hear every word of the rest of her letter, knowing the +conclusion, which she herself could not possibly have put first. She +saw a Higher Hand in this arrangement; and said, as she watched the +minutes slowly pass: "He hath broken down the middle wall of partition +between us"; and a sense of calm assurance descended, and garrisoned +her soul with peace. +</P> + +<P> +The quarter of an hour was over. +</P> + +<P> +Jane crossed the hall with firm, though noiseless, step; stood a moment +on the threshold relegating herself completely to the background; then +opened the door; and Nurse Rosemary re-entered the library. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap34"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XXXIV +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +"LOVE NEVER FAILETH" +</H3> + +<P> +Garth was standing at the open window, when Nurse Rosemary re-entered +the library; and he did not turn, immediately. +</P> + +<P> +She looked anxiously for the letter, and saw it laid ready on her side +of the table. It bore signs of having been much crumpled; looking +almost as a letter might appear which had been crushed into a ball, +flung into the waste-paper basket, and afterwards retrieved. It had, +however, been carefully smoothed out; and lay ready to her hand. +</P> + +<P> +When Garth turned from the window and passed to his chair, his face +bore the signs of a great struggle. He looked as one who, sightless, +has yet been making frantic efforts to see. The ivory pallor was gone. +His face was flushed; and his thick hair, which grew in beautiful +curves low upon his forehead and temples, and was usually carefully +brushed back in short-cropped neatness, was now ruffled and disordered. +But his voice was completely under control, as he turned towards his +secretary. +</P> + +<P> +"My dear Miss Gray," he said, "we have a difficult task before us. I +have received a letter, which it is essential I should hear. I am +obliged to ask you to read it to me, because there is absolutely no one +else to whom I can prefer such a request. I cannot but know that it +will be a difficult and painful task for you, feeling yourself an +intermediary between two wounded and sundered hearts. May I make it +easier, my dear little girl, by assuring you that I know of no one in +this world from whose lips I could listen to the contents of that +letter with less pain; and, failing my own, there are no eyes beneath +which I could less grudgingly let it pass, there is no mind I could so +unquestioningly trust, to judge kindly, both of myself and of the +writer; and to forget faithfully, all which was not intended to come +within the knowledge of a third person." +</P> + +<P> +"Thank you, Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary. +</P> + +<P> +Garth leaned back in his chair, shielding his face with his hand. +</P> + +<P> +"Now, if you please," he said. And, very clearly and quietly, Nurse +Rosemary began to read. +</P> + +<P> +"DEAR GARTH, As you will not let me come to you, so that I could say, +between you and me alone, that which must be said, I am compelled to +write it. It is your own fault, Dal; and we both pay the penalty. For +how can I write to you freely when I know, that as you listen, it will +seem to you of every word I am writing, that I am dragging a third +person into that which ought to be, most sacredly, between you and me +alone. And yet, I must write freely; and I must make you fully +understand; because the whole of your future life and mine will depend +upon your reply to this letter. I must write as if you were able to +hold the letter in your own hands, and read it to yourself. Therefore, +if you cannot completely trust your secretary, with the private history +of your heart and mine, bid her give it you back without turning this +first page; and let me come myself, Garth, and tell you all the rest." +</P> + +<P> +"That is the bottom of the page," said Nurse Rosemary; and waited. +</P> + +<P> +Garth did not remove his hand. "I do completely trust; and she must not +come," he said. +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary turned the page, and went on reading. +</P> + +<P> +"I want you to remember, Garth, that every word I write, is the simple +unvarnished truth. If you look back over your remembrance of me, you +will admit that I am not naturally an untruthful person, nor did I ever +take easily to prevarication. But, Garth, I told you one lie; and that +fatal exception proves the rule of perfect truthfulness, which has +always otherwise held, between you and me; and, please God, always will +hold. The confession herein contained, concerns that one lie; and I +need not ask you to realise how humbling it is to my pride to have to +force the hearing of a confession upon the man who has already refused +to admit me to a visit of friendship. You will remember that I am not +naturally humble; and have a considerable amount of proper pride; and, +perhaps, by the greatness of the effort I have had to make, you will be +able to gauge the greatness of my love. God help you to do so—my +darling; my beloved; my poor desolate boy!" +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary stopped abruptly; for, at this sudden mention of love, +and at these words of unexpected tenderness from Jane, Garth had risen +to his feet, and taken two steps towards the window; as if to escape +from something too immense to be faced. But, in a moment he recovered +himself, and sat down again, completely hiding his face with his hand. +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary resumed the reading of the letter. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, what a wrong I have done, both to you, and to myself! Dear, you +remember the evening on the terrace at Shenstone, when you asked me to +be—when you called me—when I WAS—YOUR WIFE? Garth, I leave this last +sentence as it stands, with its two attempts to reach the truth. I will +not cross them out, but leave them to be read to you; for, you see +Garth, I finally arrived! I WAS your wife. I did not understand it +then. I was intensely surprised; unbelievably inexperienced in matters +of feeling; and bewildered by the flood of sensation which swept me off +my feet and almost engulfed me. But even then I knew that my soul arose +and proclaimed you mate and master. And when you held me, and your dear +head lay upon my heart, I knew, for the first time the meaning of the +word ecstasy; and I could have asked no kinder gift of heaven, than to +prolong those moments into hours." +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary's quiet voice broke, suddenly; and the reading ceased. +</P> + +<P> +Garth was leaning forward, his head buried in his hands. A dry sob rose +in his throat, just at the very moment when Nurse Rosemary's voice gave +way. +</P> + +<P> +Garth recovered first. Without lifting his head, with a gesture of +protective affection and sympathy, he stretched his hand across the +table. +</P> + +<P> +"Poor little girl," he said, "I am so sorry. It is rough on you. If +only it had come when Brand was here! I am afraid you MUST go on; but +try to read without realising. Leave the realising to me." +</P> + +<P> +And Nurse Rosemary read on. +</P> + +<P> +"When you lifted your head in the moonlight and gazed long and +earnestly at me—Ah, those dear eyes!—your look suddenly made me +self-conscious. There swept over me a sense of my own exceeding +plainness, and of how little there was in what those dear eyes saw, to +provide reason, for that adoring look. Overwhelmed with a shy shame I +pressed your head back to the place where the eyes would be hidden; and +I realise now what a different construction you must have put upon that +action. Garth, I assure you, that when you lifted your head the second +time, and said, 'My wife,' it was the first suggestion to my mind that +this wonderful thing which was happening meant—marriage. I know it +must seem almost incredible, and more like a child of eighteen, than a +woman of thirty. But you must remember, all my dealings with men up to +that hour had been handshakes, heartiest comradeship, and an occasional +clap on the shoulder given and received. And don't forget, dear King of +my heart, that, until one short week before, you had been amongst the +boys who called me 'good old Jane,' and addressed me in intimate +conversation as 'my dear fellow'! Don't forget that I had always looked +upon you as YEARS younger than myself; and though a strangely sweet tie +had grown up between us, since the evening of the concert at Overdene, +I had never realised it as love. Well—you will remember how I asked +for twelve hours to consider my answer; and you yielded, immediately; +(you were so perfect, all the time, Garth) and left me, when I asked to +be alone; left me, with a gesture I have never forgotten. It was a +revelation of the way in which the love of a man such as you exalts the +woman upon whom it is outpoured. The hem of that gown has been a sacred +thing to me, ever since. It is always with me, though I never wear +it.—A detailed account of the hours which followed, I shall hope to +give you some day, my dearest. I cannot write it. Let me hurl on to +paper, in all its crude ugliness, the miserable fact which parted us; +turning our dawning joy to disillusion and sadness. Garth—it was this. +I did not believe your love would stand the test of my plainness. I +knew what a worshipper of beauty you were; how you must have it, in one +form or another, always around you. I got out my diary in which I had +recorded verbatim our conversation about the ugly preacher, whose face +became illumined into beauty, by the inspired glory within. And you +added that you never thought him ugly again; but he would always be +plain. And you said it was not the sort of face one would want to have +always before one at meals; but that you were not called upon to +undergo that discipline, which would be sheer martyrdom to you." +</P> + +<P> +"I was so interested, at the time; and so amused at the unconscious way +in which you stood and explained this, to quite the plainest woman of +your acquaintance, that I recorded it very fully in my journal.—Alas! +On that important night, I read the words, over and over, until they +took morbid hold upon my brain. Then—such is the self-consciousness +awakened in a woman by the fact that she is loved and sought—I turned +on all the lights around my mirror, and critically and carefully +examined the face you would have to see every day behind your +coffee-pot at breakfast, for years and years, if I said 'Yes,' on the +morrow. Darling, I did not see myself through your eyes, as, thank God, +I have done since. And I DID NOT TRUST YOUR LOVE TO STAND THE TEST. It +seemed to me, I was saving both of us from future disappointment and +misery, by bravely putting away present joy, in order to avoid certain +disenchantment. My beloved, it will seem to you so coolly calculating, +and so mean; so unworthy of the great love you were even then lavishing +upon me. But remember, for years, your remarkable personal grace and +beauty had been a source of pleasure to me; and I had pictured you +wedded to Pauline Lister, for instance, in her dazzling whiteness, and +soft radiant youth. So my morbid self-consciousness said: 'What! This +young Apollo, tied to my ponderous plainness; growing handsomer every +year, while I grow older and plainer?' Ah, darling! It sounds so +unworthy, now we know what our love is. But it sounded sensible and +right that night; and at last, with a bosom that ached, and arms that +hung heavy at the thought of being emptied of all that joy, I made up +my mind to say 'no.' Ah, believe me, I had no idea what it already +meant to you. I thought you would pass on at once to another fancy; and +transfer your love to one more able to meet your needs, at every point. +Honestly, Garth, I thought I should be the only one left +desolate.—Then came the question: how to refuse you. I knew if I gave +the true reason, you would argue it away, and prove me wrong, with +glowing words, before which I should perforce yield. So—as I really +meant not to let you run the risk, and not to run it myself—I lied to +you, my beloved. To you, whom my whole being acclaimed King of my +heart, Master of my will; supreme to me, in love and life,—to YOU I +said: 'I cannot marry a mere boy.' Ah, darling! I do not excuse it. I +do not defend it. I merely confess it; trusting to your generosity to +admit, that no other answer would have sent you away. Ah, your poor +Jane, left desolate! If you could have seen her in the little church, +calling you back; retracting and promising; listening for your +returning footsteps, in an agony of longing. But my Garth is not made +of the stuff which stands waiting on the door-mat of a woman's +indecision." +</P> + +<P> +"The lonely year which followed so broke my nerve, that Deryck Brand +told me I was going all to pieces, and ordered me abroad. I went, as +you know; and in other, and more vigorous, surroundings, there came to +me a saner view of life. In Egypt last March, on the summit of the +Great Pyramid, I made up my mind that I could live without you no +longer. I did not see myself wrong; but I yearned so for your love, and +to pour mine upon you, my beloved, that I concluded it was worth the +risk. I made up my mind to take the next boat home, and send for you. +Then—oh, my own boy—I heard. I wrote to you; and you would not let me +come." +</P> + +<P> +"Now I know perfectly well, that you might say: 'She did not trust me +when I had my sight. Now that I cannot see, she is no longer afraid.' +Garth, you might, say that; but it would not be true. I have had ample +proof lately that I was wrong, and ought to have trusted you all +through. What it is, I will tell you later. All I can say now is: that, +if your dear shining eyes could see, they would see, NOW, a woman who +is, trustfully and unquestioningly, all your own. If she is doubtful of +her face and figure, she says quite simply: 'They pleased HIM; and they +are just HIS. I have no further right to criticise them. If he wants +them, they are not mine, but his.' Darling, I cannot tell you now, how +I have arrived at this assurance. But I have had proofs beyond words of +your faithfulness and love." +</P> + +<P> +"The question, therefore, simply resolves itself into this: Can you +forgive me? If you can forgive me, I can come to you at once. If this +thing is past forgiveness, I must make up my mind to stay away. But, +oh, my own Dear,—the bosom on which once you laid your head waits for +you with the longing ache of lonely years. If you need it, do not +thrust it from you." +</P> + +<P> +"Write me one word by your own hand: 'Forgiven.' It is all I ask. When +it reaches me, I will come to you at once. Do not dictate a letter to +your secretary. I could not bear it. Just write—if you can truly write +it—'FORGIVEN'; and send it to 'Your Wife.'" +</P> + +<P> +The room was very still, as Nurse Rosemary finished reading; and, +laying down the letter, silently waited. She wondered for a moment +whether she could get herself a glass of water, without disturbing him; +but decided to do without it. +</P> + +<P> +At last Garth lifted his head. +</P> + +<P> +"She has asked me to do a thing impossible," he said; and a slow smile +illumined his drawn face. +</P> + +<P> +Jane clasped her hands upon her breast. +</P> + +<P> +"CAN you not write 'forgiven'?" asked Nurse Rosemary, brokenly. +</P> + +<P> +"No," said Garth. "I cannot. Little girl, give me a sheet of paper, and +a pencil." +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary placed them close to his hand. +</P> + +<P> +Garth took up the pencil. He groped for the paper; felt the edges with +his left hand; found the centre with his fingers; and, in large firm +letters, wrote one word. +</P> + +<P> +"Is that legible?" he asked, passing it across to Nurse Rosemary. +</P> + +<P> +"Quite legible," she said; for she answered before it was blotted by +her tears. +</P> + +<P> +Instead of "forgiven," Garth had written: "LOVED." +</P> + +<P> +"Can you post it at once?" Garth asked, in a low, eager voice. "And she +will come—oh, my God, she will come! If we catch to-night's mail, she +may be here the day after to-morrow!" +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary took up the letter; and, by an almost superhuman effort, +spoke steadily. +</P> + +<P> +"Mr. Dalmain," she said; "there is a postscript to this letter. It +says: 'Write to The Palace Hotel, Aberdeen.'" +</P> + +<P> +Garth sprang up, his whole face and figure alive with excitement. +</P> + +<P> +"In Aberdeen?" he cried. "Jane, in Aberdeen! Oh, my God! If she gets +this paper to-morrow morning, she may be here any time in the day. +Jane! Jane! Dear little Rosemary, do you hear? Jane will come +to-morrow! Didn't I tell you something was going to happen? You and +Simpson were too British to understand; but Margery knew; and the woods +told us it was Joy coming through Pain. Could that be posted at once, +Miss Gray?" +</P> + +<P> +The May-Day mood was upon him again. His face shone. His figure was +electric with expectation. Nurse Rosemary sat at the table watching +him; her chin in her hands. A tender smile dawned on her lips, out of +keeping with her supposed face and figure; so full was it of the +glorious expectation of a mature and perfect love. +</P> + +<P> +"I will go to the post-office myself, Mr. Dalmain," she said. "I shall +be glad of the walk; and I can be back by tea-time." +</P> + +<P> +At the post-office she did not post the word in Garth's handwriting. +That lay hidden in her bosom. But she sent off two telegrams. The first +to +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> + The Duchess of Meldyum,<BR> + Palace Hotel, Aberdeen.<BR> +<BR> + "Come here by 5.50 train without fail this evening."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +The second to +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> + Sir Deryck Brand,<BR> + Wimpole Sheet, London.<BR> +<BR> + "All is right."<BR> +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap35"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XXXV +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +NURSE ROSEMARY HAS HER REWARD +</H3> + +<P> +"Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, with patient insistence, "I really +do want you to sit down, and give your mind to the tea-table. How can +you remember where each thing is placed, if you keep jumping up, and +moving your chair into different positions? And last time you pounded +the table to attract my attention, which was already anxiously fixed +upon you, you nearly knocked over your own tea, and sent floods of mine +into the saucer. If you cannot behave better, I shall ask Margery for a +pinafore, and sit you up on a high chair!" +</P> + +<P> +Garth stretched his legs in front of him, and his arms over his head; +and lay back in his chair, laughing joyously. +</P> + +<P> +"Then I should have to say: 'Please, Nurse, may I get down?' What a +cheeky little thing you are becoming! And you used to be quite +oppressively polite. I suppose you would answer: 'If you say your grace +nicely, Master Garth, you may.' Do you know the story of 'Tommy, you +should say Your Grace'?" +</P> + +<P> +"You have told it to me twice in the last forty-eight hours," said +Nurse Rosemary, patiently. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, what a pity! I felt so like telling it now. If you had really been +the sort of sympathetic person Sir Deryck described, you would have +said: 'No; and I should so LOVE to hear it!'" +</P> + +<P> +"No; and I should so LOVE to hear it!" said Nurse Rosemary. +</P> + +<P> +"Too late! That sort of thing, to have any value should be spontaneous. +It need not be true; but it MUST be spontaneous. But, talking of a high +chair,—when you say those chaffy things in a voice like Jane's, and +just as Jane would have said them—oh, my wig!—Do you know, that is +the duchess's only original little swear. All the rest are quotations. +And when she says: 'My wig!' we all try not to look at it. It is +usually slightly awry. The toucan tweaks it. He is so very LOVING, dear +bird!" +</P> + +<P> +"Now hand me the buttered toast," said Nurse Rosemary; "and don't tell +me any more naughty stories about the duchess. No! That is the thin +bread-and-butter. I told you you would lose your bearings. The toast is +in a warm plate on your right. Now let us make believe I am Miss +Champion, and hand it to me, as nicely as you will be handing it to +her, this time to-morrow." +</P> + +<P> +"It is easy to make believe you are Jane, with that voice," said Garth; +"and yet—I don't know. I have never really associated you with her. +One little sentence of old Rob's made all the difference to me. He said +you had fluffy floss-silk sort of hair. No one could ever imagine Jane +with fluffy floss-silk sort of hair! And I believe that one sentence +saved the situation. Otherwise, your voice would have driven me mad, +those first days. As it was, I used to wonder sometimes if I could +possibly bear it. You understand why, now; don't you? And yet, in a +way, it is NOT like hers. Hers is deeper; and she often speaks with a +delicious kind of drawl, and uses heaps of slang; and you are such a +very proper little person; and possess what the primers call 'perfectly +correct diction.' What fun it would be to hear you and Jane talk +together! And yet—I don't know. I should be on thorns, all the time." +</P> + +<P> +"Why?" +</P> + +<P> +"I should be so awfully afraid lest you should not like one another. +You see, YOU have really, in a way, been more to me than any one else +in the world; and SHE—well, she IS my world," said Garth, simply. "And +I should be so afraid lest she should not fully appreciate you; and you +should not quite understand her. She has a sort of way of standing and +looking people up and down, and, women hate it; especially pretty +fluffy little women. They feel she spots all the things that come off." +</P> + +<P> +"Nothing of mine comes off," murmured Nurse Rosemary, "excepting my +patient, when he will not stay on his chair." +</P> + +<P> +"Once," continued Garth, with the gleeful enjoyment in his voice which +always presaged a story in which Jane figured, "there was a fearfully +silly little woman staying at Overdene, when a lot of us were there. We +never could make out why she was included in one of the duchess's 'best +parties,' except that the dear duchess vastly enjoyed taking her off, +and telling stories about her; and we could not appreciate the +cleverness of the impersonation, unless we had seen the original. She +was rather pretty, in a fussy, curling-tongs, wax-doll sort of way; but +she never could let her appearance alone, or allow people to forget it. +Almost every sentence she spoke, drew attention to it. We got very sick +of it, and asked Jane to make her shut up. But Jane said: 'It doesn't +hurt you, boys; and it pleases her. Let her be.' Jane was always extra +nice to people, if she suspected they were asked down in order to make +sport for the duchess afterwards. Jane hated that sort of thing. She +couldn't say much to her aunt; but we had to be very careful how we +egged the duchess on, if Jane was within hearing. Well—one evening, +after tea, a little group of us were waiting around the fire in the +lower hall, to talk to Jane. It was Christmas time. The logs looked so +jolly on the hearth. The red velvet curtains were drawn right across, +covering the terrace door and the windows on either side. Tommy sat on +his perch, in the centre of the group, keeping a keen lookout for +cigarette ends. Outside, the world was deep in snow; and that wonderful +silence reigned; making the talk and laughter within all the more gay +by contrast—you know, that PENETRATING silence; when trees, and +fields, and paths, are covered a foot thick in soft sparkling +whiteness. I always look forward, just as eagerly, each winter to the +first sight—ah, I forgot! ... Fancy never seeing snow again! ... +Never mind. It is something to remember HAVING seen it; and I shall +hear the wonderful snow-silence more clearly than ever. Perhaps before +other people pull up the blinds, I shall be able to say: 'There's been +a fall of snow in the night.' What was I telling you? Yes, I remember. +About little Mrs. Fussy. Well—all the women had gone up to dress for +dinner; excepting Jane, who never needed more than half an hour; and +Fussy, who was being sprightly, in a laboured way; and fancied herself +the centre of attraction which kept us congregated in the hall. As a +matter of fact, we were waiting to tell Jane some private news we had +just heard about a young chap in the guards, who was in fearful hot +water for ragging. His colonel was an old friend of Jane's, and we +thought she could put in a word, and improve matters for Billy. So Mrs. +Fussy was very much de trop, and didn't know it. Jane was sitting with +her back to all of us, her feet on the fender, and her skirt turned up +over her knees. Oh, there was another one, underneath; a handsome silk +thing, with rows of little frills,—which you would think should have +gone on outside. But Jane's best things are never paraded; always +hidden. I don't mean clothes, now; but her splendid self. Well—little +Fussy was 'chatting'—she never talked—about herself and her +conquests; quite unconscious that we all wished her at Jericho. Jane +went on reading the evening paper; but she felt the atmosphere growing +restive. Presently—ah, but I must not tell you the rest. I have just +remembered. Jane made us promise never to repeat it. She thought it +detrimental to the other woman. But we just had time for our confab; +and Jane caught the evening post with the letter which got Billy off +scot-free; and yet came down punctually to dinner, better dressed than +any of them. We felt it rather hard luck to have to promise; because we +had each counted on being the first to tell the story to the duchess. +But, you know, you always have to do as Jane says." +</P> + +<P> +"Why?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I don't know! I can't explain why. If you knew her, you would not +need to ask. Cake, Miss Gray?" +</P> + +<P> +"Thank you. Right, this time." +</P> + +<P> +"There! That is exactly as Jane would have said: 'Right, this time.' Is +it not strange that after having for weeks thought your voice so like +hers, to-morrow I shall be thinking her voice so like yours?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, no, you will not," said Nurse Rosemary. "When she is with you, you +will have no thoughts for other people." +</P> + +<P> +"Indeed, but I shall!" cried Garth. "And, dear little Rosemary, I shall +miss you, horribly. No one—not even she—can take your place. And, do +you know," he leaned forward, and a troubled look clouded the gladness +of his face, "I am beginning to feel anxious about it. She has not seen +me since the accident. I am afraid it will give her a shock. Do you +think she will find me much changed?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane looked at the sightless face turned so anxiously toward her. She +remembered that morning in his room, when he thought himself alone with +Dr. Rob; and, leaving the shelter of the wall, sat up to speak, and she +saw his face for the first time. She remembered turning to the +fireplace, so that Dr. Rob should not see the tears raining down her +cheeks. She looked again at Garth—now growing conscious, for the first +time, of his disfigurement; and then, only for her sake—and an almost +overwhelming tenderness gripped her heart. She glanced at the clock. +She could not hold out much longer. +</P> + +<P> +"Is it very bad?" said Garth; and his voice shook. +</P> + +<P> +"I cannot answer for another woman," replied Nurse Rosemary; "but I +should think your face, just as it is, will always be her joy." +</P> + +<P> +Garth flushed; pleased and relieved, but slightly surprised. There was +a quality in Nurse Rosemary's voice, for which he could not altogether +account. +</P> + +<P> +"But then, she will not be accustomed to my blind ways," he continued. +"I am afraid I shall seem so helpless and so blundering. She has not +been in Sightless Land, as you and I have been. She does not know all +our plans of cords, and notches, and things. Ah, little Rosemary! +Promise not to leave me to-morrow. I want Her—only God, knows how I +want her; but I begin to be half afraid. It will be so wonderful, for +the great essentials; but, for the little every-day happenings, which +are so magnified by the darkness, oh, my kind unseen guide, how I shall +need you. At first, I thought it lucky you had settled to go, just when +she is coming; but now, just because she is coming, I cannot let you +go. Having her will be wonderful beyond words; but it will not be the +same as having you." +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary was receiving her reward, and she appeared to find it +rather overwhelming. +</P> + +<P> +As soon as she could speak, she said, gently: "Don't excite yourself +over it, Mr. Dalmain. Believe me, when you have been with her for five +minutes, you will find it just the same as having me. And how do you +know she has not also been in Sightless Land? A nurse would do that +sort of thing, because she was very keen on her profession, and on +making a success of her case. The woman who loves you would do it for +love of you." +</P> + +<P> +"It would be like her," said Garth; and leaned back, a look of deep +contentment gathering on his face. "Oh, Jane! Jane! She is coming! She +is coming!" +</P> + +<P> +Nurse Rosemary looked at the clock. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes; she is coming," she said; and though her voice was steady, her +hands trembled. "And, as it is our last evening together under quite +the same circumstances as during all these weeks, will you agree to a +plan of mine? I must go upstairs now, and do some packing, and make a +few arrangements. But will you dress early? I will do the same; and if +you could be down in the library by half-past six, we might have some +music before dinner." +</P> + +<P> +"Why certainly," said Garth. "It makes no difference to me at what time +I dress; and I am always ready for music. But, I say: I wish you were +not packing, Miss Gray." +</P> + +<P> +"I am not exactly packing up," replied Nurse Rosemary. "I am packing +things away." +</P> + +<P> +"It is all the same, if it means leaving. But you have promised not to +go until she comes?" +</P> + +<P> +"I will not go—until she comes." +</P> + +<P> +"And you will tell her all the things she ought to know?" +</P> + +<P> +"She shall know all I know, which could add to your comfort." +</P> + +<P> +"And you will not leave me, until I am really—well, getting on all +right?" +</P> + +<P> +"I will never leave you, while you need me," said Nurse Rosemary. And +again Garth detected that peculiar quality in her voice. He rose, and +came towards where he heard her to be standing. +</P> + +<P> +"Do you know, you are no end of a brick," he said, with emotion. Then +he held out both hands towards her. "Put your hands in mine just for +once, little Rosemary. I want to try to thank you." +</P> + +<P> +There was a moment of hesitation. Two strong capable hands—strong and +capable, though, just then, they trembled—nearly went home to his; but +were withdrawn just in time. Jane's hour was not yet. This was Nurse +Rosemary's moment of triumph and success. It should not be taken from +her. +</P> + +<P> +"This evening," she said, softly, "after the music, we will—shake +hands. Now be careful, sir. You are stranded. Wait. Here is the +garden-cord, just to your left. Take a little air on the terrace; and +sing again the lovely song I heard under my window this morning. And +now that you know what it is that is 'going to happen,' this exquisite +May-Day evening will fill you with tender expectation. Good-bye, +sir—for an hour." +</P> + +<P> +"What has come to little Rosemary?" mused Garth, as he felt for his +cane, in its corner by the window. "We could not have gone on +indefinitely quite as we have been, since she came in from the +post-office." +</P> + +<P> +He walked on; a troubled look clouding his face: Suddenly it lifted, +and he stood still, and laughed. "Duffer!" he said. "Oh, what a +conceited duffer! She is thinking of her 'young man.' She is going to +him to-morrow; and her mind is full of him; just as mine is full of +Jane. Dear, good, clever, little Rosemary! I hope he is worthy of her. +No; that he cannot be. I hope he knows he is NOT worthy of her. That is +more to the point. I hope he will receive her as she expects. Somehow, +I hate letting her go to him. Oh, hang the fellow!—as Tommy would say." +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap36"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XXXVI +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE REVELATION OF THE ROSARY +</H3> + +<P> +Simpson was crossing the hall just before half-past six o'clock. He had +left his master in the library. He heard a rustle just above him; and, +looking up, saw a tall figure descending the wide oak staircase. +</P> + +<P> +Simpson stood transfixed. The soft black evening-gown, with its +trailing folds, and old lace at the bosom, did not impress him so much +as the quiet look of certainty and power on the calm face above them. +</P> + +<P> +"Simpson," said Jane, "my aunt, the Duchess of Meldrum, and her maid, +and her footman, and a rather large quantity of luggage, will be +arriving from Aberdeen, at about half-past seven. Mrs. Graem knows +about preparing rooms; and I have given James orders for meeting the +train with the brougham, and the luggage-cart. The duchess dislikes +motors. When her Grace arrives, you can show her into the library. We +will dine in the dining-room at a quarter past eight. Meanwhile, Mr. +Dalmain and myself are particularly engaged just now, and must not be +disturbed on any account, until the duchess's arrival. You quite +understand?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, miss-m'lady," stammered Simpson. He had been boot-boy in a ducal +household early in his career; and he considered duchesses' nieces to +be people before whom one should bow down. +</P> + +<P> +Jane smiled. "'Miss' is quite sufficient, Simpson," she said; and swept +towards the library. +</P> + +<P> +Garth heard her enter, and close the door; and his quick ear caught the +rustle of a train. +</P> + +<P> +"Hullo, Miss Gray," he said. "Packed your uniform?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said Jane. "I told you I was packing." +</P> + +<P> +She came slowly across the room, and stood on the hearth-rug looking +down at him. He was in full evening-dress; just as at Shenstone on that +memorable night; and, as he sat well back in his deep arm-chair, one +knee crossed over the other, she saw the crimson line of his favourite +silk socks. +</P> + +<P> +Jane stood looking down upon him. Her hour had come at last. But even +now she must, for his sake, be careful and patient. +</P> + +<P> +"I did not hear the song," she said. +</P> + +<P> +"No," replied Garth. "At first, I forgot. And when I remembered, I had +been thinking of other things, and somehow—ah, Miss Gray! I cannot +sing to-night. My soul is dumb with longing." +</P> + +<P> +"I know," said Jane, gently; "and I am going to sing to you." +</P> + +<P> +A faint look of surprise crossed Garth's face. "Do you sing?" he asked. +"Then why have you not sung before?" +</P> + +<P> +"When I arrived," said Jane, "Dr. Rob asked me whether I played. I +said: 'A little.' Thereupon he concluded I sang a little, too; and he +forbade me, most peremptorily, either to play a little; or sing a +little, to you. He said he did not want you driven altogether mad." +</P> + +<P> +Garth burst out laughing. +</P> + +<P> +"How like old Robbie," he said. "And, in spite of his injunctions, are +you going to take the risk, and 'sing a little,' to me, to-night?" +</P> + +<P> +"No," said Jane. "I take no risks. I am going to sing you one song. +Here is the purple cord, at your right hand. There is nothing between +you and the piano; and you are facing towards it. If you want to stop +me—you can come." +</P> + +<P> +She walked to the instrument, and sat down. +</P> + +<P> +Over the top of the grand piano, she could see him, leaning back in his +chair; a slightly amused smile playing about his lips. He was evidently +still enjoying the humour of Dr. Rob's prohibition. +</P> + +<P> +The Rosary has but one opening chord. She struck it; her eyes upon his +face. She saw him sit up, instantly; a look of surprise, expectation, +bewilderment, gathering there. +</P> + +<P> +Then she began to sing. The deep rich voice, low and vibrant, as the +softest tone of 'cello, thrilled into the startled silence. +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "The hours I spent with thee, dear heart,<BR> + Are as a string of pearls to me;<BR> + I count them over, ev'ry one apart,<BR> + My rosary,—my rosary.<BR> + Each hour a pearl—"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +Jane got no further. +</P> + +<P> +Garth had risen. He spoke no word; but he was coming blindly over to +the piano. She turned on the music-stool, her arms held out to receive +him. Now he had found the woodwork. His hand crashed down upon the +bass. Now he had found her. He was on his knees, his arms around her. +Hers enveloped him—, yearning, tender, hungry with the repressed +longing of all those hard weeks. +</P> + +<P> +He lifted his sightless face to hers, for one moment. "You?" he said. +"YOU? You—all the time?" +</P> + +<P> +Then he hid his face in the soft lace at her breast. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, my boy, my darling!" said Jane, tenderly; holding the dear head +close. "Yes; I, all the time; all the time near him, in his loss and +pain. Could I have stopped away? But, oh, Garth! What it is, at last to +hold you, and touch you, and feel you here! ... Yes, it is I. Oh, my +beloved, are you not quite sure? Who else could hold you thus? ... +Take care, my darling! Come over to the couch, just here; and sit +beside me." +</P> + +<P> +Garth rose, and raised her, without loosing her; and she guided herself +and him to a safer seat close by. But there again he flung himself upon +his knees, and held her; his arms around her waist; his face hidden in +the shelter of her bosom. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah,—darling, darling," said Jane softly, and her hands stole up +behind his head, with a touch of unspeakable protective tenderness; "it +has been so sweet to wait upon my boy; and help him in his darkness; +and shield him from unnecessary pain; and be always there, to meet his +every need. But I could not come myself—until he knew; and understood; +and had forgiven—no, not 'forgiven'; understood, and yet still LOVED. +For he does now understand? And he does forgive? ... Oh, Garth! ... +Oh—hush, my darling! ... You frighten me! ... No, I will never +leave you; never, never! ... Oh, can't you understand, my beloved? ... +Then I must tell you more plainly. Darling,—do be still, and +listen. Just for a few days we must be as we have been; only my boy +will know it is I who am near him. Aunt 'Gina is coming this evening. +She will be here in half an hour. Then, as soon as possible we will get +a special license; and we will be married, Garth; and then—" Jane +paused; and the man who knelt beside her, held his breath to +listen—"and then," continued Jane in a low tender voice, which +gathered in depth of sacred mystery, yet did not falter—"then it will +be my highest joy, to be always with my husband, night and day." +</P> + +<P> +A long sweet silence. The tempest of emotion in her arms was hushed to +rest. The eternal voice of perfect love had whispered: "Peace, be +still"; and there was a great calm. +</P> + +<P> +At last Garth lifted his head. "Always? Always together?" he said. "Ah, +that will be 'perpetual light!'" +</P> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<P> +When Simpson, pale with importance, flung open the library door, and +announced: "Her Grace, the Duchess of Meldrum," Jane was seated at the +piano, playing soft dreamy chords; and a slim young man, in evening +dress, advanced with eager hospitality to greet his guest. +</P> + +<P> +The duchess either did not see, or chose to ignore the guiding cord. +She took his outstretched hand warmly in both her own. +</P> + +<P> +"Goodness gracious, my dear Dal! How you surprise me! I expected to +find you blind! And here you are striding about, just your old handsome +self!" +</P> + +<P> +"Dear Duchess," said Garth, and stooping, kissed the kind old hands +still holding his; "I cannot see you, I am sorry to say; but I don't +feel very blind to-night. My darkness has been lightened by a joy +beyond expression." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh ho! So that's the way the land lies! Now which are you going to +marry? The nurse,—who, I gather, is a most respectable young person, +and highly recommended; or that hussy, Jane; who, without the smallest +compunction, orders her poor aunt from one end of the kingdom to the +other, to suit her own convenience?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane came over from the piano, and slipped her hand through her lover's +arm. +</P> + +<P> +"Dear Aunt 'Gina," she said; "you know you loved coming; because you +enjoy a mystery, and like being a dear old 'deus ex machina,' at the +right moment. And he is going to marry them both; because they both +love him far too dearly ever to leave him again; and he seems to think +he cannot do without either." +</P> + +<P> +The duchess looked at the two radiant faces; one sightless; the other, +with glad proud eyes for both; and her own filled with tears. +</P> + +<P> +"Hoity-toity!" she said. "Are we in Salt Lake City? Well, we always +thought one girl would not do for Dal; he would need the combined +perfections of several; and he appears to think he has found them. God +bless you both, you absurdly happy people; and I will bless you, too; +but not until I have dined. Now, ring for that very nervous person, +with side-whiskers; and tell him I want my maid, and my room, and I +want to know where they have put my toucan. I had to bring him, Jane. +He is so LOVING, dear bird! I knew you would think him in the way; but +I really could not leave him behind." +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap37"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XXXVII +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +"IN THE FACE OF THIS CONGREGATION" +</H3> + +<P> +The society paragraphs would have described it as "a very quiet +wedding," when Garth and Jane, a few days later, were pronounced "man +and wife together," in the little Episcopal church among the hills. +</P> + +<P> +Perhaps, to those who were present, it stands out rather as an unusual +wedding, than as a quiet one. +</P> + +<P> +To Garth and Jane the essential thing was to be married, and left to +themselves, with as little delay as possible. They could not be induced +to pay any attention to details as to the manner in which this desired +end was to be attained. Jane left it entirely to the doctor, in one +practical though casual sentence: "Just make sure it is valid, Dicky; +and send us in the bills." +</P> + +<P> +The duchess, being a true conservative, early began mentioning veils, +orange-blossom, and white satin; but Jane said: "My dear Aunt! Fancy +me—in orange-blossom! I should look like a Christmas pantomime. And I +never wear veils, even in motors; and white satin is a form of clothing +I have always had the wisdom to avoid." +</P> + +<P> +"Then in what do you intend to be married, unnatural girl?" inquired +the duchess. +</P> + +<P> +"In whatever I happen to put on, that morning," replied Jane, knotting +the silk of a soft crimson cord she was knitting; and glancing out of +the window, to where Garth sat smoking, on the terrace. +</P> + +<P> +"Have you a time-table?" inquired her Grace of Meldrum, with dangerous +calmness. "And can you send me to the station this afternoon?" +</P> + +<P> +"We can always send to the station, at a moment's notice," said Jane, +working in a golden strand, and considering the effect. "But where are +you going, dear Aunt 'Gina? You know Deryck and Flower arrive this +evening." +</P> + +<P> +"I am washing my hands of you, and going South," said the duchess, +wrathfully. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't do that, dear," said Jane, placidly. "You have washed your hands +of me so often; and, like the blood of King Duncan of Scotland, I am +upon them still. 'All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this +little hand.'" Then, raising her voice: "Garth, if you want to walk, +just give a call. I am here, talking over my trousseau with Aunt 'Gina." +</P> + +<P> +"What is a trousseau?" came back in Garth's happy voice. +</P> + +<P> +"A thing you get into to be married," said Jane. +</P> + +<P> +"Then let's get into it quickly," shouted Garth, with enthusiasm. +</P> + +<P> +"Dear Aunt," said Jane, "let us make a compromise. I have some quite +nice clothes upstairs, including Redfern tailor-mades, and several +uniforms. Let your maid look through them, and whatever you select, and +she puts out in readiness on my wedding morning, I promise to wear." +</P> + +<P> +This resulted in Jane appearing at the church in a long blue cloth coat +and skirt, handsomely embroidered with gold, and suiting her large +figure to perfection; a deep yellow vest of brocaded silk; and old lace +ruffles at neck and wrists. +</P> + +<P> +Garth was as anxious about his wedding garments, as Jane had been +indifferent over hers; but he had so often been in requisition as +best-man at town weddings, that Simpson had no difficulty in turning +him out in the acme of correct bridal attire. And very handsome he +looked, as he stood waiting at the chancel steps; not watching for his +bride; but obviously listening for her; for, as Jane came up the church +on Deryck's arm, Garth slightly turned his head and smiled. +</P> + +<P> +The duchess—resplendent in purple satin and ermine, with white plumes +in her bonnet, and many jewelled chains depending from her, which +rattled and tinkled, in the silence of the church, every time she +moved—was in a front pew on the left, ready to give her niece away. +</P> + +<P> +In a corresponding seat, on the opposite side, as near as possible to +the bridegroom, sat Margery Graem, in black silk, with a small quilted +satin bonnet, and a white lawn kerchief folded over the faithful old +heart which had beaten in tenderness for Garth since his babyhood. She +turned her head anxiously, every time the duchess jingled; but +otherwise kept her eyes fixed on the marriage service, in a large-print +prayer-book in her lap. Margery was not used to the Episcopal service, +and she had her "doots" as to whether it could possibly be gone through +correctly, by all parties concerned. In fact this anxiety of old +Margery's increased so painfully when the ceremony actually commenced, +that it took audible form; and she repeated all the answers of the +bridal pair, in an impressive whisper, after them. +</P> + +<P> +Dr. Rob, being the only available bachelor, did duty as best-man; Jane +having stipulated that he should not be intrusted with the ring; her +previous observations leading her to conclude that he would most +probably slip it unconsciously on to his finger, and then search +through all his own pockets and all Garth's; and begin taking up the +church matting, before it occurred to him to look at his hand. Jane +would not have minded the diversion, but she did object to any delay. +So the ring went to church in Garth's waistcoat pocket, where it had +lived since Jane brought it out from Aberdeen; and, without any +fumbling or hesitation, was quietly laid by him upon the open book. +</P> + +<P> +Dr. Rob had charge of the fees for clerk, verger, bell-ringers, and +every person, connected with the church, who could possibly have a tip +pressed upon them. +</P> + +<P> +Garth was generous in his gladness, and eager to do all things in a +manner worthy of the great gift made fully his that day. So Dr. Rob was +well provided with the wherewithal; and this he jingled in his pockets +as soon as the exhortation commenced, and his interest in the +proceedings resulted in his fatal habit of unconsciousness of his own +actions. Thus he and the duchess kept up a tinkling duet, each hearing +the other, and not their own sounds. So the duchess glared at Dr. Rob; +and Dr. Rob frowned at the duchess; and old Margery looked tearfully at +both. +</P> + +<P> +Deryck Brand, the tallest man in the church, his fine figure showing to +advantage in the long frock coat with silk facings, which Lady Brand +had pronounced indispensable to the occasion, retired to a seat beside +his wife, just behind old Margery, as soon as he had conducted Jane to +Garth's side. As Jane removed her hand from his arm, she turned and +smiled at him; and a long look passed between them. All the memories, +all the comprehension, all the trust and affection of years, seemed to +concentrate in that look; and Lady Brand's eyes dropped to her dainty +white and gold prayer-book. She had never known jealousy; the doctor +had never given her any possible reason for acquiring that cruel +knowledge. His Flower bloomed for him; and her fragrance alone made his +continual joy. All other lovely women were mere botanical specimens, to +be examined and classified. But Flower had never quite understood the +depth of the friendship between her husband and Jane, founded on the +associations and aspirations of childhood and early youth, and a +certain similarity of character which would not have wedded well, but +which worked out into a comradeship, providing a source of strength for +both. Of late, Flower had earnestly tried to share, even while failing +to comprehend, it. +</P> + +<P> +Perhaps she, in her pale primrose gown, with daffodils at her waist, +and sunbeams in her golden hair, was the most truly bridal figure in +the church. As the doctor turned from the bride, and sought his place +beside her in the pew, he looked at the sweet face, bent so demurely +over the prayer-book, and thought he had never seen his wife look more +entrancingly lovely. Unconsciously his hand strayed to the white +rosebud she had fastened in his coat as they strolled round the +conservatory together that morning. Flower, glancing up, surprised his +look. She did not think it right to smile in church; but a delicate +wave of colour swept over her face, and her cheek leaned as near the +doctor's shoulder, as the size of her hat would allow. Flower felt +quite certain that was a look the doctor had never given Jane. +</P> + +<P> +The service commenced. The short-sighted clergyman, very nervous, and +rather overwhelmed by the unusual facts of a special license, a blind +bridegroom, and the reported presence of a duchess, began reading very +fast, in an undertone, which old Margery could not follow, though her +finger, imprisoned in unwonted kid, hurried along the lines. Then +conscious of his mistake, he slowed down, and became too impressive; +making long nerve-straining pauses, fled in by the tinkling of the +duchess, and the chinking in Dr. Rob's trousers-pockets. +</P> + +<P> +Thus they arrived at the demand upon the congregation, if they could +show any just cause why these two persons might not lawfully be joined +together, NOW to speak—and the pause here was so long, and so +over-powering, that old Margery said "nay"; and then gave a nervous +sob. The bridegroom turned and smiled in the direction of the voice; +and the doctor, leaning forward, laid his hand on the trembling +shoulder, and whispered: "Steady, old friend. It is all right." +</P> + +<P> +There was no pause whatever after the solemn charge to the couple; so +if Garth and Jane had any secrets to disclose, they had perforce to +keep them for after discussion. +</P> + +<P> +Then Jane found her right hand firmly clasped in Garth's; and no +inadequacy of the Church's mouth-piece could destroy the exquisite +beauty of the Church's words, in which Garth was asked if he would take +her to be his own. +</P> + +<P> +To this, Garth, and old Margery, said they would; with considerable +display of emotion. +</P> + +<P> +Then the all-comprehensive question was put to Jane; the Church seeming +to remind her gently, that she took him in his blindness, with all +which that might entail. +</P> + +<P> +Jane said: "I will"; and the deep, tender voice, was the voice of The +Rosary. +</P> + +<P> +When the words were uttered, Garth lifted the hand he held, and +reverently kissed it. +</P> + +<P> +This was not in the rubric, and proved disconcerting to the clergyman. +He threw up his head suddenly, and inquired: "Who giveth this woman to +be married to this man?" And as, for the moment, there was no response, +he repeated, the question wildly; gazing into distant corners of the +church. +</P> + +<P> +Then the duchess, who up to that time had been feeling a little bored, +realised that her moment had come, and rejoiced. She sailed out of her +pew, and advanced to the chancel step. "My dear good man," she said; +"<I>I</I> give my niece away; having come north at considerable +inconvenience for that express purpose. Now, go on. What do we do next?" +</P> + +<P> +Dr. Rob broke into an uncontrollable chuckle. The duchess lifted her +lorgnette, and surveyed him. Margery searched her prayer-book in vain +for the duchess's response. It did not appear to be there. +</P> + +<P> +Flower looked in distressed appeal at the doctor. But the doctor was +studying, with grave intentness, a stencilled pattern on the chancel +roof; and paid no attention to Flower's nudge. +</P> + +<P> +The only people completely unconscious of anything unusual in the order +of proceedings appeared to be the bride and bridegroom. They were +taking each other "in the sight of God, and in the face of this +congregation." They were altogether absorbed in each other, standing +together in the sight of God; and the deportment of "this congregation" +was a matter they scarcely noticed. "People always behave grotesquely +at weddings," Jane had said to Garth, beforehand; "and ours will be no +exception to the general rule. But we can close our eyes, and stand +together in Sightless Land; and Deryck will take care it is valid." +</P> + +<P> +"Not in Sightless Land, my beloved," said Garth; "but in the Land where +they need no candle neither light of the sun. However, and wherever, I +take YOU as my wife, I shall be standing on the summit of God's heaven." +</P> + +<P> +So they stood; and in their calmness the church hushed to silence. The +service proceeded; and the minister, who had not known how to keep them +from clasping hands when the rubric did not require it, found no +difficulty in inducing them to do so again. +</P> + +<P> +So they took each other—these two, who were so deeply each other's +already—solemnly, reverently, tenderly, in the sight of God, they took +each other, according to God's holy ordinance; and the wedding ring, +type of that eternal love which has neither beginning nor ending, +passed from Garth's pocket, over the Holy Book, on to Jane's finger. +</P> + +<P> +When it was over, she took his arm; and leaning upon it, so that he +could feel she leaned, guided him to the vestry. +</P> + +<P> +Afterwards, in the brougham, for those few precious minutes, when +husband and wife find themselves alone for the first time, Garth turned +to Jane with an eager naturalness, which thrilled her heart as no +studied speech could have done. He did not say: "My wife." That unique +moment had been theirs, three years before. +</P> + +<P> +"Dearest," he said, "how soon will they all go? How soon shall we be +quite alone? Oh, why couldn't they drive to the station from the +church?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane looked at her watch. "Because we must lunch them, dear," she said. +"Think how good they have all been. And we could not start our married +life by being inhospitable. It is just one o'clock; and we ordered +luncheon at half-past. Their train leaves the station at half-past +four. In three hours, Garth, we shall be alone." +</P> + +<P> +"Shall I be able to behave nicely for three hours?" exclaimed Garth, +boyishly. +</P> + +<P> +"You must," said Jane, "or I shall fetch Nurse Rosemary." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh hush!" he said. "All that is too precious, to-day, for chaff. +Jane"—he turned suddenly, and laid his hand on hers—"Jane! Do you +understand that you are now—actually—my wife?" +</P> + +<P> +Jane took his hand, and held it against her heart, just where she so +often had pressed her own, when she feared he would hear it throbbing. +</P> + +<P> +"My darling," she said, "I do not understand it. But I know—ah, thank +God!—I know it to be true." +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap38"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XXXVIII +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +PERPETUAL LIGHT +</H3> + +<P> +Moonlight on the terrace—silvery, white, serene. Garth and Jane had +stepped out into the brightness; and, finding the night so warm and +still, and the nightingales filling the woods and hills with +soft-throated music, they moved their usual fireside chairs close to +the parapet, and sat there in restful comfort, listening to the sweet +sounds of the quiet night. +</P> + +<P> +The solitude was so perfect; the restfulness so complete. Garth had +removed the cushion seat from his chair, and placed it on the gravel; +and sat at his wife's feet leaning against her knees. She stroked his +hair and brow softly, as they talked; and every now and then he put up +his hand, drew hers to his lips, and kissed the ring he had never seen. +</P> + +<P> +Long tender silences fell between them. Now that they were at last +alone, thoughts too deep, joys too sacred for words, trembled about +them; and silence seemed to express more than speech. Only, Garth could +not bear Jane to be for a moment out of reach of his hand. What to +another would have been: "I cannot let her out of my sight," was, to +him, "I cannot let her be beyond my touch." And Jane fully understood +this; and let him feel her every moment within reach. And the bliss of +this was hers as well as his; for sometimes it had seemed to her as if +the hunger in her heart, caused by those long weeks of waiting, when +her arms ached for him, and yet she dared not even touch his hand, +would never be appeased. +</P> + +<P> +"Sweet, sweet, sweet—thrill," sang a nightingale in the wood. And +Garth whistled an exact imitation. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, darling," said Jane, "that reminds me; there is something I do so +want you to sing to me. I don't know what it is; but I think you will +remember. It was on that Monday evening, after I had seen the pictures, +and Nurse Rosemary had described them to you. Both our poor hearts were +on the rack; and I went up early in order to begin my letter of +confession; but you told Simpson not to come for you until eleven. +While I was writing in the room above, I could hear you playing in the +library. You played many things I knew—music we had done together, +long ago. And then a theme I had never heard crept in, and caught my +ear at once, because it was quite new to me, and so marvellously sweet. +I put down my pen and listened. You played it several times, with +slight variations, as if trying to recall it. And then, to my joy, you +began to sing. I crossed the room; softly opened my window, and leaned +out. I could hear some of the words; but not all. Two lines, however, +reached me distinctly, with such penetrating, tender sadness, that I +laid my head against the window-frame, feeling as if I could write no +more, and wait no longer, but must go straight to you at once." +</P> + +<P> +Garth drew down the dear hand which had held the pen that night; turned +it over, and softly kissed the palm. +</P> + +<P> +"What were they, Jane?" he said. +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "'Lead us, O Christ, when all is gone,<BR> + Safe home at last.'"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +"And oh, my darling, the pathos of those words, 'when all is gone'! +Whoever wrote that music, had been through suffering such as ours. Then +came a theme of such inspiring hopefulness and joy, that I arose, armed +with fresh courage; took up my pen, and went on with my letter. Again +two lines had reached me:" +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "'Where Thou, Eternal Light of Light,<BR> + Art Lord of All.'"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +"What is it, Garth? And whose? And where did you hear it? And will you +sing it to me now, darling? I have a sudden wish that you should sing +it, here and now; and I can't wait!" +</P> + +<P> +Garth sat up, and laughed—a short happy laugh, in which all sorts of +emotions were mingled. +</P> + +<P> +"Jane! I like to hear you say you can't wait. It isn't like you; +because you are so strong and patient. And yet it is so deliciously +like you, if you FEEL it, to SAY it. I found the words in the +Anthem-book at Worcester Cathedral, this time last year, at even-song. +I copied them into my pocket-book, during the reading of the first +lesson, I am ashamed to say; but it was all about what Balak said unto +Balaam, and Balaam said unto Balak,—so I hope I may be forgiven! They +seemed to me some of the most beautiful words I had ever read; and, +fortunately, I committed them to memory. Of course, I will sing them to +you, if you wish, here and now. But I am afraid the air will sound +rather poor without the accompaniment. However, not for worlds would I +move from here, at this moment." +</P> + +<P> +So sitting up; in the moonlight, with his back to Jane, his face +uplifted, and his hands clasped around one knee, Garth sang. Much +practice had added greatly to the sweetness and flexibility of his +voice; and he rendered perfectly the exquisite melody to which the +words were set. +</P> + +<P> +Jane listened with an overflowing heart. +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "The radiant morn hath passed away,<BR> + And spent too soon her golden store;<BR> + The shadows of departing day<BR> + Creep on once more.<BR> + "Our life is but a fading dawn,<BR> + Its glorious noon, how quickly past!<BR> + Lead us, O Christ, when all is gone,<BR> + Safe home at last.<BR> + "Where saints are clothed in spotless white,<BR> + And evening shadows never fall;<BR> + where Thou, Eternal Light of Light,<BR> + Art Lord of All."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +The triumphant worship of the last line rang out into the night, and +died away. Garth loosed his hands, and leaned back, with a sigh of vast +content, against his wife's knees. +</P> + +<P> +"Beautiful!" she said. "Beautiful! Garthie—perhaps it is because YOU +sang it; and to-night;—but it seems to me the most beautiful thing I +ever heard. Ah, and how appropriate for us; on this day, of all days." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I don't know," said Garth, stretching his legs in front of him, +and crossing his feet the one over the other. "I certainly feel 'Safe +home at last'—not because 'all is gone'; but because I HAVE all, in +having you, Jane." +</P> + +<P> +Jane bent, and laid her cheek upon his head. "My own boy," she said, +"you have all I have to give—all, ALL. But, darling, in those dark +days which are past, all seemed gone, for us both. 'Lead us, O +Christ'—It was He who led us safely through the darkness, and has +brought us to this. And Garth, I love to know that He is Lord of +All—Lord of our joy; Lord of our love; Lord of our lives—our wedded +lives, my husband. We could not be so safely, so blissfully, each +other's, were we not ONE, IN HIM. Is this true for you also, Garth?" +</P> + +<P> +Garth felt for her left hand, drew it down, and laid his cheek against +it; then gently twisted the wedding ring that he might kiss it all +round. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, my wife," he said. "I thank God, that I can say in all things: +'Thou, Eternal Light of Light, art Lord of All.'" +</P> + +<P> +A long sweet silence. Then Jane said, suddenly: "Oh, but the music, +Garthie! That exquisite setting. Whose is it? And where did you hear +it?" +</P> + +<P> +Garth laughed again; a laugh of half-shy pleasure. +</P> + +<P> +"I am glad you like it, Jane," he said, "because I must plead guilty to +the fact that it is my own. You see, I knew no music for it; the +Anthem-book gave the words only. And on that awful night, when little +Rosemary had mercilessly rubbed it in, about 'the lady portrayed'; and +what her love MUST have been, and WOULD have been, and COULD have been; +and had made me SEE 'The Wife' again, and 'The—' the other picture; I +felt so bruised, and sore, and lonely. And then those words came to my +mind: 'Lead us, O Christ, when all is gone, safe home at last.' All +seemed gone indeed; and there seemed no home to hope for, in this +world." He raised himself a little, and then leaned back again; so that +his head rested against her bosom. "Safe home at last," he said, and +stayed quite still for a moment, in utter content. Then remembered what +he was telling her, and went on eagerly. +</P> + +<P> +"So those words came back to me; and to get away from despairing +thoughts, I began reciting them, to an accompaniment of chords." +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "'The radiant morn hath passed away,<BR> + And spent too soon her golden store;<BR> + The shadows of departing day—'"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +"And then—suddenly, Jane—I SAW it, pictured in sound! Just as I used +to SEE a sunset, in light and shadow, and then transfer it to my canvas +in shade and colour,-so I heard a SUNSET in harmony, and I felt the +same kind of tingle in my fingers as I used to feel when inspiration +came, and I could catch up my brushes and palette. So I played the +sunset. And then I got the theme for life fading, and what one feels +when the glorious noon is suddenly plunged into darkness; and then the +prayer. And then, I HEARD a vision of heaven, where evening shadows +never fall: And after that came the end; just certainty, and worship, +and peace. You see the eventual theme, worked out of all this. It was +like making studies for a picture. That was why you heard it over and +over. I wasn't trying to remember. I was gathering it into final form. +I am awfully glad you like it, Jane; because if I show you how the +harmonies go, perhaps you could write it down. And it would mean such a +lot to me, if you thought it worth singing. I could play the +accompaniment—Hullo! Is it beginning to rain? I felt a drop on my +cheek, and another on my hand." +</P> + +<P> +No answer. Then he felt the heave, with which Jane caught her breath; +and realised that she was weeping. +</P> + +<P> +In a moment he was on his knees in front of her. "Jane! Why, what is +the matter; Sweet? What on earth—? Have I said anything to trouble +you? Jane, what is it? O God, why can't I see her!" +</P> + +<P> +Jane mastered her emotion; controlling her voice, with an immense +effort. Then drew him down beside her. +</P> + +<P> +"Hush, darling, hush! It is only a great joy—a wonderful surprise. +Lean against me again, and I will try to tell you. Do you know that you +have composed some of the most beautiful music in the world? Do you +know, my own boy, that not only your proud and happy wife, but ALL +women who can sing, will want to sing your music? Garthie, do you +realise what it means? The creative faculty is so strong in you, that +when one outlet was denied it, it burst forth through another. When you +had your sight, you created by the hand and EYE. Now, you will create +by the hand and EAR. The power is the same. It merely works through +another channel. But oh, think what it means! Think! The world lies +before you once more!" +</P> + +<P> +Garth laughed, and put up his hand to the dear face, still wet with +thankful tears. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, bother the world!" he said. "I don't want the world. I only want +my wife." +</P> + +<P> +Jane put her arms around him. Ah, what a boy he was in some ways! How +full of light-hearted, irrepressible, essential youth. Just then she +felt so much older than he; but how little that mattered. The better +could she wrap him round with the greatness of her tenderness; shield +him from every jar or disillusion; and help him to make the most of his +great gifts. +</P> + +<P> +"I know, darling," she said. "And you have her. She is just ALL YOURS. +But think of the wonderful future. Thank God, I know enough of the +technical part, to write the scores of your compositions. And, +Garth,—fancy going together to noble cathedrals, and hearing your +anthems sung; and to concerts where the most perfect voices in the +world will be doing their utmost adequately to render your songs. Fancy +thrilling hearts with pure harmony, stirring souls with tone-pictures; +just as before you used to awaken in us all, by your wonderful +paintings, an appreciation and comprehension of beauty." +</P> + +<P> +Garth raised his head. "Is it really as good as that, Jane?" he said. +</P> + +<P> +"Dear," answered Jane, earnestly, "I can only tell you, that when you +sang it first, and I had not the faintest idea it was yours, I said to +myself: 'It is the most beautiful thing I ever heard.'" +</P> + +<P> +"I am glad," said Garth, simply. "And now, let's talk of something +else. Oh, I say, Jane! The present is too wonderful, to leave any +possible room for thoughts about the future. Do talk about the present." +</P> + +<P> +Jane smiled; and it was the smile of "The Wife"—mysterious; +compassionate; tender; self-surrendering. She leaned over him, and +rested her cheek upon his head. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, darling. We will talk of this very moment, if you wish. You +begin." +</P> + +<P> +"Look at the house, and describe it to me, as you see it in the +moonlight." +</P> + +<P> +"Very grey, and calm, and restful-looking. And so home-like, Garthie." +</P> + +<P> +"Are there lights in the windows?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes. The library lights are just as we left them. The French window is +standing wide open. The pedestal lamp, under a crimson silk shade, +looks very pretty from here, shedding a warm glow over the interior. +Then, I can see one candle in the dining-room. I think Simpson is +putting away silver." +</P> + +<P> +"Any others, Jane?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, darling. There is a light in the Oriel chamber. I can see Margery +moving to and fro. She seems to be arranging my things, and giving +final touches. There is also a light in your room, next door. Ah, now +she has gone through. I see her standing and looking round to make sure +all is right. Dear faithful old heart! Garth, how sweet it is to be at +home to-day; served and tended by those who really love us." +</P> + +<P> +"I am so glad you feel that," said Garth. "I half feared you might +regret not having an ordinary honeymoon—And yet, no! I wasn't really +afraid of that, or of anything. Just, together at last, was all we +wanted. Wasn't it, my wife?" +</P> + +<P> +"All." +</P> + +<P> +A clock in the house struck nine. +</P> + +<P> +"Dear old clock," said Garth, softly. "I used to hear it strike nine, +when I was a little chap in my crib, trying to keep awake until my +mother rustled past; and went into her room. The door between her room +and mine used to stand ajar, and I could see her candle appear in a +long streak upon my ceiling. When I saw that streak, I fell asleep +immediately. It was such a comfort to know she was there; and would not +go down again. Jane, do you like the Oriel chamber?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, dear. It is a lovely room; and very sacred because it was hers. +Do you know, Aunt Georgina insisted upon seeing it, Garth; and said it +ought to be whitened and papered. But I would not hear of that; because +the beautiful old ceiling is hand-painted, and so are the walls; and I +was certain you had loved those paintings, as a little boy; and would +remember them now." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, yes," said Garth, eagerly. "A French artist stayed here, and did +them. Water and rushes, and the most lovely flamingoes; those on the +walls standing with their feet in the water; and those on the ceiling, +flying with wings outspread, into a pale green sky, all over white +billowy clouds. Jane, I believe I could walk round that room, +blindfold—no! I mean, as I am now; and point out the exact spot where +each flamingo stands." +</P> + +<P> +"You shall," said Jane, tenderly. These slips when he talked, +momentarily forgetting his blindness, always wrung her heart. "By +degrees you must tell me all the things you specially did and loved, as +a little boy. I like to know them. Had you always that room, next door +to your mother's?" +</P> + +<P> +"Ever since I can remember," said Garth. "And the door between was +always open. After my mother's death, I kept it locked. But the night +before my birthday, I used to open it; and when I woke early and saw it +ajar, I would spring up, and go quickly in; and it seemed as if her +dear presence was there to greet me, just on that one morning. But I +had to go quickly, and immediately I wakened; just as you must go out +early to catch the rosy glow of sunrise on the fleeting clouds; or to +see the gossamer webs on the gorse, outlined in diamonds, by the +sparkling summer dew. But, somehow, Margery found out about it; and the +third year there was a sheet of writing-paper firmly stuck to the +pincushion by a large black-headed pin, saying, in Margery's careful +caligraphy: 'Many happy returns of the day, Master Garthie.' It was +very touching, because it was meant to be so comforting and tactful. +But it destroyed the illusion! Since then the door has been kept +closed." +</P> + +<P> +Another long sweet silence. Two nightingales, in distant trees, sang +alternately; answering one another in liquid streams of melody. +</P> + +<P> +Again Garth turned the wedding ring; then spoke, with his lips against +it. +</P> + +<P> +"You said Margery had 'gone through.' Is it open to-night?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +Jane clasped both hands behind his head—strong, capable hands, though +now they trembled a little—and pressed his face against her, as she +had done on the terrace at Shenstone, three years before. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, my own boy," she said; "it is." +</P> + +<P> +"Jane! Oh, Jane—" He released himself from the pressure of those +restraining hands, and lifted his adoring face to hers. +</P> + +<P> +Then, suddenly, Jane broke down. "Ah, darling," she said, "take me away +from this horrible white moonlight! I cannot bear it. It reminds me of +Shenstone. It reminds me of the wrong I did you. It seems a separating +thing between you and me—this cruel brightness which you cannot share." +</P> + +<P> +Her tears fell on his upturned fate. +</P> + +<P> +Then Garth sprang to his feet. The sense of manhood and mastery; the +right of control, the joy of possession, arose within him. Even in his +blindness, he was the stronger. Even in his helplessness, for the great +essentials, Jane must lean on him. He raised her gently, put his arms +about her, and stood there, glorified by his great love. +</P> + +<P> +"Hush, sweetest wife," he said. "Neither light nor darkness can +separate between you and me: This quiet moonlight cannot take you from +me; but in the still, sweet darkness you will feel more completely my +own, because it will hold nothing we cannot share. Come with me to the +library, and we will send away the lamps, and close the curtains; and +you shall sit on the couch near the piano, where you sat, on that +wonderful evening when I found you, and when I almost frightened my +brave Jane. But she will not be frightened now, because she is so my +own; and I may say what I like; and do what I will; and she must not +threaten me with Nurse Rosemary; because it is Jane I want—Jane, Jane; +just ONLY Jane! Come in, beloved; and I, who see as clearly in the dark +as in the light, will sit and play THE ROSARY for you; and then Veni, +Creator Spiritus; and I will sing you the verse which has been the +secret source of peace, and the sustaining power of my whole inner +life, through the long, hard years, apart." +</P> + +<P> +"Now," whispered Jane. "Now, as we go." +</P> + +<P> +So Garth drew her hand through his arm; and, as they walked, sang +softly: +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "Enable with perpetual light,<BR> + The dulness of our blinded sight;<BR> + Anoint and cheer our soiled face<BR> + With the abundance of Thy grace.<BR> + Keep far our foes; give peace at home;<BR> + Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +Thus, leaning on her husband; yet guiding him as she leaned; Jane +passed to the perfect happiness of her wedded home. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR><BR> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Rosary, by Florence L. 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Barclay + +Posting Date: April 29, 2009 [EBook #3659] +Release Date: January, 2003 +First Posted: July 4, 2001 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ROSARY *** + + + + +Produced by Charles Franks and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team. HTML version by Al Haines. + + + + + + + + + + +The Rosary + + +BY + +Florence L. Barclay + + + + +CONTENTS + +CHAPTER + + I ENTER--THE DUCHESS + II INTRODUCES THE HONOURABLE JANE + III THE SURPRISE PACKET + IV JANE VOLUNTEERS + V CONFIDENCES + VI THE VEIL IS LIFTED + VII GARTH FINDS HIS ROSARY + VIII ADDED PEARLS + IX LADY INGLEBY'S HOUSE PARTY + X THE REVELATION + XI GARTH FINDS THE CROSS + XII THE DOCTOR'S PRESCRIPTION + XIII THE ANSWER OF THE SPHINX + XIV IN DERYCK'S SAFE CONTROL + XV THE CONSULTATION + XVI THE DOCTOR FINDS A WAY + XVII ENTER--NURSE ROSEMARY + XVIII THE NAPOLEON OF THE MOORS + XIX THE VOICE IN THE DARKNESS. + XX JANE REPORTS PROGRESS + XXI HARD ON THE SECRETARY + XXII DR. ROB TO THE RESCUE + XXIII THE ONLY WAY + XXIV THE MAN'S POINT OF VIEW + XXV THE DOCTOR'S DIAGNOSIS + XXVI HEARTS MEET IN SIGHTLESS LAND + XXVII THE EYES GARTH TRUSTED + XXVIII IN THE STUDIO + XXIX JANE LOOKS INTO LOVES MIRROR + XXX "THE LADY PORTRAYED" + XXXI IN LIGHTER VEIN + XXXII AN INTERLUDE + XXXIII "SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN!" + XXXIV "LOVE NEVER FAILETH" + XXXV NURSE ROSEMARY HAS HER REWARD + XXXVI THE REVELATION OF THE ROSARY + XXXVII "IN THE FACE OF THIS CONGREGATION" + XXXVIII PERPETUAL LIGHT + + + + +THE ROSARY + + + + +CHAPTER I + +ENTER THE DUCHESS. + + +The peaceful stillness of an English summer afternoon brooded over the +park and gardens at Overdene. A hush of moving sunlight and lengthening +shadows lay upon the lawn, and a promise of refreshing coolness made +the shade of the great cedar tree a place to be desired. + +The old stone house, solid, substantial, and unadorned, suggested +unlimited spaciousness and comfort within; and was redeemed from +positive ugliness without, by the fine ivy, magnolia trees, and +wistaria, of many years' growth, climbing its plain face, and now +covering it with a mantle of soft green, large white blooms, and a +cascade of purple blossom. + +A terrace ran the full length of the house, bounded at one end by a +large conservatory, at the other by an aviary. Wide stone steps, at +intervals, led down from the terrace on to the soft springy turf of the +lawn. Beyond--the wide park; clumps of old trees, haunted by shy brown +deer; and, through the trees, fitful gleams of the river, a narrow +silver ribbon, winding gracefully in and out between long grass, +buttercups, and cow-daisies. + +The sun-dial pointed to four o'clock. + +The birds were having their hour of silence. Not a trill sounded from +among the softly moving leaves, not a chirp, not a twitter. The +stillness seemed almost oppressive. The one brilliant spot of colour in +the landscape was a large scarlet macaw, asleep on his stand under the +cedar. + +At last came the sound of an opening door. A quaint old figure stepped +out on to the terrace, walked its entire length to the right, and +disappeared into the rose-garden. The Duchess of Meldrum had gone to +cut her roses. + +She wore an ancient straw hat, of the early-Victorian shape known as +"mushroom," tied with black ribbons beneath her portly chin; a loose +brown holland coat; a very short tweed skirt, and Engadine "gouties." +She had on some very old gauntlet gloves, and carried a wooden basket +and a huge pair of scissors. + +A wag had once remarked that if you met her Grace of Meldrum returning +from gardening or feeding her poultry, and were in a charitable frame +of mind, you would very likely give her sixpence. But, after you had +thus drawn her attention to yourself and she looked at you, Sir Walter +Raleigh's cloak would not be in it! Your one possible course would be +to collapse into the mud, and let the ducal "gouties" trample on you. +This the duchess would do with gusto; then accept your apologies with +good nature; and keep your sixpence, to show when she told the story. + +The duchess lived alone; that is to say, she had no desire for the +perpetual companionship of any of her own kith and kin, nor for the +constant smiles and flattery of a paid companion. Her pale daughter, +whom she had systematically snubbed, had married; her handsome son, +whom she had adored and spoiled, had prematurely died, before the +death, a few years since, of Thomas, fifth Duke of Meldrum. He had come +to a sudden and, as the duchess often remarked, very suitable end; for, +on his sixty-second birthday, clad in all the splendours of his hunting +scarlet, top hat, and buff corduroy breeches, the mare he was +mercilessly putting at an impossible fence suddenly refused, and +Thomas, Duke of Meldrum, shot into a field of turnips; pitched upon his +head, and spoke no more. + +This sudden cessation of his noisy and fiery life meant a complete +transformation in the entourage of the duchess. Hitherto she had had to +tolerate the boon companions, congenial to himself, with whom he chose +to fill the house; or to invite those of her own friends to whom she +could explain Thomas, and who suffered Thomas gladly, out of friendship +for her, and enjoyment of lovely Overdene. But even then the duchess +had no pleasure in her parties; for, quaint rough diamond though she +herself might appear, the bluest of blue blood ran in her veins; and, +though her manner had the off-hand abruptness and disregard of other +people's feelings not unfrequently found in old ladies of high rank, +she was at heart a true gentlewoman, and could always be trusted to say +and do the right thing in moments of importance: The late duke's +language had been sulphurous and his manners Georgian; and when he had +been laid in the unwonted quiet of his ancestral vault--"so unlike him, +poor dear," as the duchess remarked, "that it is quite a comfort to +know he is not really there"--her Grace looked around her, and began to +realise the beauties and possibilities of Overdene. + +At first she contented herself with gardening, making an aviary, and +surrounding herself with all sorts of queer birds and beasts; upon whom +she lavished the affection which, of late years, had known no human +outlet. + +But after a while her natural inclination to hospitality, her humorous +enjoyment of other people's foibles, and a quaint delight in parading +her own, led to constant succession of house-parties at Overdene, which +soon became known as a Liberty Hall of varied delights where you always +met the people you most wanted to meet, found every facility for +enjoying your favourite pastime, were fed and housed in perfect style, +and spent some of the most ideal days of your summer, or cheery days of +your winter, never dull, never bored, free to come and go as you +pleased, and everything seasoned everybody with the delightful "sauce +piquante" of never being quite sure what the duchess would do or say +next. + +She mentally arranged her parties under three heads--"freak parties," +"mere people parties," and "best parties." A "best party" was in +progress on the lovely June day when the duchess, having enjoyed an +unusually long siesta, donned what she called her "garden togs" and +sallied forth to cut roses. + +As she tramped along the terrace and passed through the little iron +gate leading to the rose-garden, Tommy, the scarlet macaw, opened one +eye and watched her; gave a loud kiss as she reached the gate and +disappeared from view, then laughed to himself and went to sleep again. + +Of all the many pets, Tommy was prime favourite. He represented the +duchess's one concession to morbid sentiment. After the demise of the +duke she had found it so depressing to be invariably addressed with +suave deference by every male voice she heard. If the butler could have +snorted, or the rector have rapped out an uncomplimentary adjective, +the duchess would have felt cheered. As it was, a fixed and settled +melancholy lay upon her spirit until she saw in a dealer's list an +advertisement of a prize macaw, warranted a grand talker, with a +vocabulary of over five hundred words. + +The duchess went immediately to town, paid a visit to the dealer, heard +a few of the macaw's words and the tone in which he said them, bought +him on the spot, and took him down to Overdene. The first evening he +sat crossly on the perch of his grand new stand, declining to say a +single one of his five hundred words, though the duchess spent her +evening in the hall, sitting in every possible place; first close to +him; then, away in a distant corner; in an arm-chair placed behind a +screen; reading, with her back turned, feigning not to notice him; +facing him with concentrated attention. Tommy merely clicked his tongue +at her every time she emerged from a hiding-place; or, if the rather +worried butler or nervous under-footman passed hurriedly through the +hall, sent showers of kisses after them, and then went into fits of +ventriloquial laughter. The duchess, in despair, even tried reminding +him in a whisper of the remarks he had made in the shop; but Tommy only +winked at her and put his claw over his beak. Still, she enjoyed his +flushed and scarlet appearance, and retired to rest hopeful and in no +wise regretting her bargain. + +The next morning it became instantly evident to the house-maid who +swept the hall, the footman who sorted the letters, and the butler who +sounded the breakfast gong, that a good night's rest had restored to +Tommy the full use of his vocabulary. And when the duchess came sailing +down the stairs, ten minutes after the gong had sounded, and Tommy, +flapping his wings angrily, shrieked at her: "Now then, old girl! Come +on!" she went to breakfast in a more cheerful mood than she had known +for months past. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +INTRODUCES THE HONOURABLE JANE + + +The only one of her relatives who practically made her home with the +duchess was her niece and former ward, the Honourable Jane Champion; +and this consisted merely in the fact that the Honourable Jane was the +one person who might invite herself to Overdene or Portland Place, +arrive when she chose, stay as long as she pleased, and leave when it +suited her convenience. On the death of her father, when her lonely +girlhood in her Norfolk home came to an end, she would gladly have +filled the place of a daughter to the duchess. But the duchess did not +require a daughter; and a daughter with pronounced views, plenty of +back-bone of her own, a fine figure, and a plain face, would have +seemed to her Grace of Meldrum a peculiarly undesirable acquisition. So +Jane was given to understand that she might come whenever she liked, +and stay as long as she liked, but on the same footing as other people. +This meant liberty to come and go as she pleased; and no responsibility +towards her aunt's guests. The duchess preferred managing her own +parties in her oven way. + +Jane Champion was now in her thirtieth year. She had once been +described, by one who saw below the surface, as a perfectly beautiful +woman in an absolutely plain shell; and no man had as yet looked +beneath the shell, and seen the woman in her perfection. She would have +made earth heaven for a blind lover who, not having eyes for the +plainness of her face or the massiveness of her figure, might have +drawn nearer, and apprehended the wonder of her as a woman, +experiencing the wealth of tenderness of which she was capable, the +blessed comfort of the shelter of her love, the perfect comprehension +of her sympathy, the marvellous joy of winning and wedding her. But as +yet, no blind man with far-seeing vision had come her way; and it +always seemed to be her lot to take a second place, on occasions when +she would have filled the first to infinite perfection. + +She had been bridesmaid at weddings where the charming brides, +notwithstanding their superficial loveliness, possessed few of the +qualifications for wifehood with which she was so richly endowed. + +She was godmother to her friends' babies, she, whose motherhood would +have been a thing for wonder and worship. + +She had a glorious voice, but her face not matching it, its existence +was rarely suspected; and as she accompanied to perfection, she was +usually in requisition to play for the singing of others. + +In short, all her life long Jane had filled second places, and filled +them very contentedly. She had never known what it was to be absolutely +first with any one. Her mother's death had occurred during her infancy, +so that she had not even the most shadowy remembrance of that maternal +love and tenderness which she used sometimes to try to imagine, +although she had never experienced it. + +Her mother's maid, a faithful and devoted woman, dismissed soon after +the death of her mistress, chancing to be in the neighbourhood some +twelve years later, called at the manor, in the hope of finding some in +the household who remembered her. + +After tea, Fraulein and Miss Jebb being out of the way, she was +spirited up into the schoolroom to see Miss Jane, her heart full of +memories of the "sweet babe" upon whom she and her dear lady had +lavished so much love and care. + +She found awaiting her a tall, plain girl with a frank, boyish manner +and a rather disconcerting way as she afterwards remarked, of "taking +stock of a body the while one was a-talking," which at first checked +the flow of good Sarah's reminiscences, poured forth so freely in the +housekeeper's room below, and reduced her to looking tearfully around +the room, remarking that she remembered choosing the blessed wall-paper +with her dear lady now gone, whose joy had been so great when the dear +babe first took notice and reached up for the roses. "And I can show +you, miss, if you care to know it just which bunch of roses it were." + +But before Sarah's visit was over, Jane had heard many +undreamed-of-things; amongst others, that her mother used to kiss her +little hands, "ah, many a time she, did, miss; called them little +rose-petals, and covered them with kisses." + +The child, utterly unused to any demonstrations of affection, looked at +her rather ungainly brown hands and laughed, simply because she was +ashamed of the unwonted tightening at her throat and the queer stinging +of tears beneath her eyelids. Thus Sarah departed under the impression +that Miss Jane had grown up into a rather a heartless young lady. But +Fraulein and Jebbie never knew why, from that day onward, the hands, of +which they had so often had cause to complain, were kept scrupulously +clean; and on her birthday night, unashamed in the quiet darkness, the +lonely little child kissed her own hands beneath the bedclothes, +striving thus to reach the tenderness of her dead mother's lips. + +And in after years, when she became her own mistress, one of her first +actions was to advertise for Sarah Matthews and engage her as her own +maid, at a salary which enabled the good woman eventually to buy +herself a comfortable annuity. + +Jane saw but little of her father, who had found it difficult to +forgive her, firstly, for being a girl when he desired a son; secondly, +being a girl, for having inherited his plainness rather than her +mother's beauty. Parents are apt to see no injustice in the fact that +they are often annoyed with their offspring for possessing attributes, +both of character and appearance, with which they themselves have +endowed them. + +The hero of Jane's childhood, the chum of her girlhood and the close +friend of her maturer years, was Deryck Brand, only son of the rector +of the parish, and her senior by nearly ten years. But even in their +friendship, close though it was, she had never felt herself first to +him. As a medical student, at home during vacations, his mother and his +profession took precedence in his mind of the lonely child, whose +devotion pleased him and whose strong character and original mental +development interested him. Later on he married a lovely girl, as +unlike Jane as one woman could possibly be to another; but still their +friendship held and deepened; and now, when he was rapidly advancing to +the very front rank of his profession, her appreciation of his work, +and sympathetic understanding of his aims and efforts, meant more to +him than even the signal mark of royal favour, of which he had lately +been the recipient. + +Jane Champion had no close friends amongst the women of her set. Her +lonely girlhood had bred in her an absolute frankness towards herself +and other people which made it difficult for her to understand or +tolerate the little artificialities of society, or the trivial +weaknesses of her own sex. Women to whom she had shown special +kindness--and they were many--maintained an attitude of grateful +admiration in her presence, and of cowardly silence in her absence when +she chanced to be under discussion. + +But of men friends she had many, especially among a set of young +fellows just through college, of whom she made particular chums; nice +lads, who wrote to her of their college and mess-room scrapes, as they +would never have dreamed of doing to their own mothers. She knew +perfectly well that they called her "old Jane" and "pretty Jane" and +"dearest Jane" amongst themselves, but she believed in the harmlessness +of their fun and the genuineness of their affection, and gave them a +generous amount of her own in return. + +Jane Champion happened just now to be paying one of her long visits to +Overdene, and was playing golf with a boy for whom she had long had a +rod in pickle on this summer afternoon when the duchess went to cut +blooms in her rose-garden. Only, as Jane found out, you cannot +decorously lead up to a scolding if you are very keen on golf, and go +golfing with a person who is equally enthusiastic, and who all the way +to the links explains exactly how he played every hole the last time he +went round, and all the way back gloats over, in retrospection, the way +you and he have played every hole this time. + +So Jane considered her afternoon, didactically, a failure. But, in the +smoking-room that night, young Cathcart explained the game all over +again to a few choice spirits, and then remarked: "Old Jane was superb! +Fancy! Such a drive as that, and doing number seven in three and not +talking about it! I've jolly well made up my mind to send no more +bouquets to Tou-Tou. Hang it, boys! You can't see yourself at champagne +suppers with a dancing-woman, when you've walked round the links, on a +day like this, with the Honourable Jane. She drives like a rifle shot, +and when she lofts, you'd think the ball was a swallow; and beat me +three holes up and never mentioned it. By Jove, a fellow wants to have +a clean bill when he shakes hands with her!" + + + + +CHAPTER III + +THE SURPRISE PACKET + + +The sun-dial pointed to half past four o'clock. The hour of silence +appeared to be over. The birds commenced twittering; and a cuckoo, in +an adjacent wood, sounded his note at intervals. + +The house awoke to sudden life. There was an opening and shutting of +doors. Two footmen, in the mulberry and silver of the Meldrum livery, +hurried down from the terrace, carrying folding tea-tables, with which +they supplemented those of rustic oak standing permanently under the +cedar. One, promptly returned to the house; while the other remained +behind, spreading snowy cloths over each table. + + +The macaw awoke, stretched his wings and flapped them twice, then +sidled up and down his perch, concentrating his attention upon the +footman. + +"Mind!" he exclaimed suddenly, in the butler's voice, as a cloth, flung +on too hurriedly, fluttered to the grass. + +"Hold your jaw!" said the young footman irritably, flicking the bird +with the table-cloth, and then glancing furtively at the rose-garden. + +"Tommy wants a gooseberry!" shrieked the macaw, dodging the table-cloth +and hanging, head downwards, from his perch. + +"Don't you wish you may get it?" said the footman viciously. + +"Give it him, somebody," remarked Tommy, in the duchess's voice. + +The footman started, and looked over his shoulder; then hurriedly told +Tommy just what he thought of him, and where he wished him; cuffed him +soundly, and returned to the house, followed by peals of laughter, +mingled with exhortations and imprecations from the angry bird, who +danced up and down on his perch until his enemy had vanished from view. + +A few minutes later the tables were spread with the large variety of +eatables considered necessary at an English afternoon tea; the massive +silver urn and teapots gleamed on the buffet-table, behind which the +old butler presided; muffins, crumpets, cakes, and every kind of +sandwich supplemented the dainty little rolled slices of white and +brown bread-and-butter, while heaped-up bowls of freshly gathered +strawberries lent a touch of colour to the artistic effect of white and +silver. When all was ready, the butler raised his hand and sounded an +old Chinese gong hanging in the cedar tree. Before the penetrating boom +had died away, voices were heard in the distance from all over the +grounds. + +Up from the river, down from the tennis courts, out from house and +garden, came the duchess's guests, rejoicing in the refreshing prospect +of tea, hurrying to the welcome shade of the cedar;--charming women in +white, carefully guarding their complexions beneath shady hats and +picturesque parasols;--delightful girls, who had long ago sacrificed +complexions to comfort, and now walked across the lawn bareheaded, +swinging their rackets and discussing the last hard-fought set; men in +flannels, sunburned and handsome, joining in the talk and laughter; +praising their partners, while remaining unobtrusively silent as to +their own achievements. + +They made a picturesque group as they gathered under the tree, +subsiding with immense satisfaction into the low wicker chairs, or on +to the soft turf, and helping themselves to what they pleased. When all +were supplied with tea, coffee, or iced drinks, to their liking, +conversation flowed again. + +"So the duchess's concert comes off to-night," remarked some one. "I +wish to goodness they would hang this tree with Chinese lanterns and, +have it out here. It is too hot to face a crowded function indoors." + +"Oh, that's all right," said Garth Dalmain, "I'm stage-manager, you +know; and I can promise you that all the long windows opening on to the +terrace shall stand wide. So no one need be in the concert-room, who +prefers to stop outside. There will be a row of lounge chairs placed on +the terrace near the windows. You won't see much; but you will hear, +perfectly." + +"Ah, but half the fun is in seeing," exclaimed one of the tennis girls. +"People who have remained on the terrace will miss all the point of it +afterwards when the dear duchess shows us how everybody did it. I don't +care how hot it is. Book me a seat in the front row!" + +"Who is the surprise packet to-night?" asked Lady Ingleby, who had +arrived since luncheon. + +"Velma," said Mary Strathern. "She is coming for the week-end, and +delightful it will be to have her. No one but the duchess could have +worked it, and no place but Overdene would have tempted her. She will +sing only one song at the concert; but she is sure to break forth later +on, and give us plenty. We will persuade Jane to drift to the piano +accidentally and play over, just by chance, the opening bars of some of +Velma's best things, and we shall soon hear the magic voice. She never +can resist a perfectly played accompaniment." + +"Why call Madame Velma the `surprise packet'?" asked a girl, to whom +the Overdene "best parties" were a new experience. + +"That, my dear," replied Lady Ingleby, "is a little joke of the +duchess's. This concert is arranged for the amusement of her house +party, and for the gratification and glorification of local +celebrities. The whole neighbourhood is invited. None of you are asked +to perform, but local celebrities are. In fact they furnish the entire +programme, to their own delight, the satisfaction of their friends and +relatives, and our entertainment, particularly afterwards when the +duchess takes us through every item, with original notes, comments, and +impersonations. Oh, Dal! Do you remember when she tucked a sheet of +white writing-paper into her tea-gown for a dog collar, and took off +the high-church curate nervously singing a comic song? Then at the very +end, you see--and really some of it is quite good for amateurs--she +trots out Velma, or some equally perfect artiste, to show them how it +really can be done; and suddenly the place is full of music, and a +great hush falls on the audience, and the poor complacent amateurs +realise that the noise they have been making was, after all, not music; +and they go dumbly home. But they have forgotten all about it by the +following year; or a fresh contingent of willing performers steps into +the breach. The duchess's little joke always comes off." + +"The Honourable Jane does not approve of it," said young Ronald Ingram; +"therefore she is generally given marching orders and departs to her +next visit before the event. But no one can accompany Madame Velma so +perfectly, so this time she is commanded to stay. But I doubt if the +'surprise packet' will come off with quite such a shock as usual, and I +am certain the fun won't be so good afterwards. The Honourable Jane has +been known to jump on the duchess for that sort of thing. She is safe +to get the worst of it at the time, but it has a restraining effect +afterwards." + +"I think Miss Champion is quite right," said a bright-faced American +girl, bravely, holding a gold spoon poised for a moment over the +strawberry ice-cream with which Garth Dalmain had supplied her. + +"In my country we should call it real mean to laugh, at people who had +been our guests and performed in our houses." + +"In your country, my dear," said Myra Ingleby, "you have no duchesses." + +"Well, we supply you with quite a good few," replied the American girl +calmly, and went on with her ice. + +A general laugh followed; and the latest Anglo-American match came up +for discussion. + +"Where is the Honourable Jane?" inquired someone presently. + +"Golfing with Billy," said Ronald Ingram. "Ah, here they come." + +Jane's tall figure was seen, walking along the terrace, accompanied by +Billy Cathcart, talking eagerly. They put their clubs away in the lower +hall; then came down the lawn together to the tea-tables. + +Jane wore a tailor-made coat and skirt of grey tweed, a blue and white +cambric shirt, starched linen collar and cuffs, a silk tie, and a soft +felt hat with a few black quills in it. She walked with the freedom of +movement and swing of limb which indicate great strength and a body +well under control. Her appearance was extraordinarily unlike that of +all the pretty and graceful women grouped beneath the cedar tree. And +yet it was in no sense masculine--or, to use a more appropriate word, +mannish; for everything strong is masculine; but a woman who apes an +appearance of strength which she does not possess, is mannish;--rather +was it so truly feminine that she could afford to adopt a severe +simplicity of attire, which suited admirably the decided plainness of +her features, and the almost massive proportions of her figure. + +She stepped into the circle beneath the cedar, and took one of the +half-dozen places immediately vacated by the men, with the complete +absence of self-consciousness which always characterised her. + +"What did you go round in, Miss Champion?" inquired one of the men. + +"My ordinary clothes," replied Jane; quoting Punch, and evading the +question. + +But Billy burst out: "She went round in--" + +"Oh, be quiet, Billy," interposed Jane. "You and I are practically the +only golf maniacs present. Most of these dear people are even ignorant +as to who 'bogie' is, or why we should be so proud of beating him. +Where is my aunt? Poor Simmons was toddling all over the place when we +went in to put away our clubs, searching for her with a telegram." + +"Why didn't you open it?" asked Myra. + +"Because my aunt never allows her telegrams to be opened. She loves +shocks; and there is always the possibility of a telegram containing +startling news. She says it completely spoils it if some one else knows +it first, and breaks it to her gently." + +"Here comes the duchess," said Garth Dalmain, who was sitting where he +could see the little gate into the rose-garden. + +"Do not mention the telegram," cautioned Jane. "It would not please her +that I should even know of its arrival. It would be a shame to take any +of the bloom off the unexpected delight of a wire on this hot day, when +nothing unusual seemed likely to happen." + +They turned and looked towards the duchess as she bustled across the +lawn; this quaint old figure, who had called them together; who owned +the lovely place where they were spending such delightful days; and +whose odd whimsicalities had been so freely discussed while they drank +her tea and feasted off her strawberries. The men rose as she +approached, but not quite so spontaneously as they had done for her +niece. + +The duchess carried a large wooden basket filled to overflowing with +exquisite roses. Every bloom was perfect, and each had been cut at +exactly the right moment. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +JANE VOLUNTEERS + + +The duchess plumped down her basket in the middle of the strawberry +table. + +"There, good people!" she said, rather breathlessly. "Help yourselves, +and let me see you all wearing roses to-night. And the concert-room is +to be a bower of roses. We will call it 'LA FETE DES ROSES.' ... No, +thank you, Ronnie. That tea has been made half an hour at least, and +you ought to love me too well to press it upon me. Besides, I never +take tea. I have a whiskey and soda when I wake from my nap, and that +sustains me until dinner. Oh yes, my dear Myra, I know I came to your +interesting meeting, and signed that excellent pledge 'POUR ENCOURAGER +LES AUTRES'; but I drove straight to my doctor when I left your house, +and he gave me a certificate to say I MUST take something when I needed +it; and I always need it when I wake from my nap.... Really, Dal, it +is positively wicked for any man, off the stage, to look as picturesque +as you do, in that pale violet shirt, and dark violet tie, and those +white flannels. If I were your grandmother I should send you in to take +them off. If you turn the heads of old dowagers such as I am, what +chance have all these chickens? ... Hush, Tommy! That was a very +naughty word! And you need not be jealous of Dal. I admire you still +more. Dal, will you paint my scarlet macaw?" + +The young artist, whose portraits in that year's Academy had created +much interest in the artistic world, and whose violet shirt had just +been so severely censured, lay back in his lounge-chair, with his arms +behind his head and a gleam of amusement in his bright brown eyes. + +"No, dear Duchess," he said. "I beg respectfully to decline the +commission, Tommy would require a Landseer to do full justice to his +attitudes and expression. Besides, it would be demoralising to an +innocent and well-brought-up youth, such as you know me to be, to spend +long hours in Tommy's society, listening to the remarks that sweet bird +would make while I painted him. But I will tell you what I will do. I +will paint you, dear Duchess, only not in that hat! Ever since I was +quite a small boy, a straw hat with black ribbons tied under the chin +has made me feel ill. If I yielded to my natural impulses now, I should +hide my face in Miss Champion's lap, and kick and scream until you took +it off. I will paint you in the black velvet gown you wore last night, +with the Medici collar; and the jolly arrangement of lace and diamonds +on your head. And in your hand you shall hold an antique crystal +mirror, mounted in silver." + +The artist half closed his eyes, and as he described his picture in a +voice full of music and mystery, an attentive hush fell upon the gay +group around him. When Garth Dalmain described his pictures, people saw +them. When they walked into the Academy or the New Gallery the +following year, they would say: "Ah, there it is! just as we saw it +that day, before a stroke of it was on the canvas." + +"In your left hand, you shall hold the mirror, but you shall not be +looking into it; because you never look into mirrors, dear Duchess, +excepting to see whether the scolding you are giving your maid, as she +stands behind you, is making her cry; and whether that is why she is +being so clumsy in her manipulation of pins and things. If it is, you +promptly promise her a day off, to go and see her old mother; and pay +her journey there and back. If it isn't, you scold her some more. Were +I the maid, I should always cry, large tears warranted to show in the +glass; only I should not sniff, because sniffing is so intensely +aggravating; and I should be most frightfully careful that my tears did +not run down your neck." + +"Dal, you ridiculous CHILD!" said the duchess. "Leave off talking about +my maids, and my neck, and your crocodile tears, and finish describing +the portrait. What do I do, with the mirror?" + +"You do not look into it," continued Garth Dalmain, meditatively; +"because we KNOW that is a thing you never do. Even when you put on +that hat, and tie those ribbons--Miss Champion, I wish you would hold +my hand--in a bow under your chin, you don't consult the mirror. But +you shall sit with it in your left hand, your elbow resting on an +Eastern table of black ebony inlaid with mother-of-pearl. You will turn +it from you, so that it reflects something exactly in front of you in +the imaginary foreground. You will be looking at this unseen object +with an expression of sublime affection. And in the mirror I will paint +a vivid, brilliant, complete reflection, minute, but perfect in every +detail, of your scarlet macaw on his perch. We will call it +'Reflections,' because one must always give a silly up-to-date title to +pictures, and just now one nondescript word is the fashion, unless you +feel it needful to attract to yourself the eye of the public, in the +catalogue, by calling your picture twenty lines of Tennyson. But when +the portrait goes down to posterity as a famous picture, it will figure +in the catalogue of the National Gallery as 'The Duchess, the Mirror, +and the Macaw.'" + +"Bravo!" said the duchess, delighted. "You shall paint it, Dal, in time +for next year's Academy, and we will all go and see it." + +And he did. And they all went. And when they saw it they said: "Ah, of +course! There it is; just as we saw it under the cedar at Overdene." + +"Here comes Simmons with something on a salver," exclaimed the duchess. +"How that man waddles! Why can't somebody teach him to step out? Jane! +You march across this lawn like a grenadier. Can't you explain to +Simmons how it's done? ... Well? What is it? Ha! A telegram. Now what +horrible thing can have happened? Who would like to guess? I hope it is +not merely some idiot who has missed a train." + +Amid a breathless and highly satisfactory silence, the duchess tore +open the orange envelope. + +Apparently the shock was of a thorough, though not enjoyable, kind; for +the duchess, at all times highly coloured, became purple as she read, +and absolutely inarticulate with indignation. Jane rose quietly, looked +over her aunt's shoulder, read the long message, and returned to her +seat. + +"Creature!" exclaimed the duchess, at last. "Oh, creature! This comes +of asking them as friends. And I had a lovely string of pearls for her, +worth far more than she would have been offered, professionally, for +one song. And to fail at the last minute! Oh, CREATURE!" + +"Dear aunt," said Jane, "if poor Madame Velma has a sudden attack of +laryngitis, she could not possibly sing a note, even had the Queen +commanded her. Her telegram is full of regrets." + +"Don't argue, Jane!" exclaimed the duchess, crossly. "And don't drag in +the Queen, who has nothing to do with my concert or Velma's throat. I +do abominate irrelevance, and you know it! WHY must she have her +what--do--you--call--it, just when she was coming to sing here? In my +young days people never had these new-fangled complaints. I have no +patience with all this appendicitis and what not--cutting people open +at every possible excuse. In my young days we called it a good +old-fashioned stomach-ache, and gave them Turkey rhubarb!" + +Myra Ingleby hid her face behind her garden hat; and Garth Dalmain +whispered to Jane: "I do abominate irrelevance, and you know it!" But +Jane shook her head at him, and refused to smile. + +"Tommy wants a gooseberry!" shouted the macaw, having apparently +noticed the mention of rhubarb. + +"Oh, give it him, somebody!" said the worried duchess. + +"Dear aunt," said Jane, "there are no gooseberries." + +"Don't argue, girl!" cried the duchess, furiously; and Garth, +delighted, shook his head at Jane. "When he says 'gooseberry,' he means +anything GREEN, as you very well know!" + +Half a dozen people hastened to Tommy with lettuce, water-cress, and +cucumber sandwiches; and Garth picked one blade of grass, and handed it +to Jane; with an air of anxious solicitude; but Jane ignored it. + +"No answer, Simmons," said the duchess. "Why don't you go? ... Oh, +how that man waddles! Teach him to walk, somebody! Now the question is, +What is to be done? Here is half the county coming to hear Velma, by my +invitation; and Velma in London pretending to have appendicitis--no, I +mean the other thing. Oh, 'drat the woman!' as that clever bird would +say." + +"Hold your jaw!" shouted Tommy. The duchess smiled, and consented to +sit down. + +"But, dear Duchess," suggested Garth in his most soothing voice, "the +county does not know Madame Velma was to be here. It was a profound +secret. You were to trot her out at the end. Lady Ingleby called her +your 'surprise packet.'" + +Myra came out from behind her garden hat, and the duchess nodded at her +approvingly. + +"Quite true," she said. "That was the lovely part of it. Oh, creature!" + +"But, dear Duchess," pursued Garth persuasively, "if the county did not +know, the county will not be disappointed. They are coming to listen to +one another, and to hear themselves, and to enjoy your claret-cup and +ices. All this they will do, and go away delighted, saying how cleverly +the dear duchess, discovers and exploits local talent." + +"Ah, ha!" said the duchess, with a gleam in the hawk eye, and a raising +of the hooked nose-which Mrs. Parker Bangs of Chicago, who had met the +duchess once or twice, described as "genuine Plantagenet"--"but they +will go away wise in their own conceits, and satisfied with their own +mediocre performances. My idea is to let them do it, and then show them +how it should be done." + +"But Aunt 'Gina," said Jane, gently; "surely you forget that most of +these people have been to town and heard plenty of good music, Madame +Velma herself most likely, and all the great singers. They know they +cannot sing like a prima donna; but they do their anxious best, because +you ask them. I cannot see that they require an object lesson." + +"Jane," said the duchess, "for the third time this afternoon I must +request you not to argue." + +"Miss Champion," said Garth Dalmain, "if I were your grandmamma, I +should send you to bed." + +"What is to be done?" reiterated the duchess. "She was to sing THE +ROSARY. I had set my heart on it. The whole decoration of the room is +planned to suit that song--festoons of white roses; and a great +red-cross at the back of the platform, made entirely of crimson +ramblers. Jane!" + +"Yes, aunt." + +"Oh, don't say 'Yes, aunt,' in that senseless way! Can't you make some +suggestion?" + +"Drat the woman!" exclaimed Tommy, suddenly. + +"Hark to that sweet bird!" cried the duchess, her good humour fully +restored. "Give him a strawberry, somebody. Now, Jane, what do you +suggest?" + +Jane Champion was seated with her broad back half turned to her aunt, +one knee crossed over the other, her large, capable hands clasped round +it. She loosed her hands, turned slowly round, and looked into the keen +eyes peering at her from under the mushroom hat. As she read the +half-resentful, half-appealing demand in them, a slow smile dawned in +her own. She waited a moment to make sure of the duchess's meaning, +then said quietly: "I will sing THE ROSARY for you, in Velma's place, +to-night, if you really wish it, aunt." + +Had the gathering under the tree been a party of "mere people," it +would have gasped. Had it been a "freak party," it would have been +loud-voiced in its expressions of surprise. Being a "best party," it +gave no outward sign; but a sense of blank astonishment, purely mental, +was in the air. The duchess herself was the only person present who had +heard Jane Champion sing. + +"Have you the song?" asked her Grace of Meldrum, rising, and picking up +her telegram and empty basket. + +"I have," said Jane. "I spent a few hours with Madame Blanche when I +was in town last month; and she, who so rarely admires these modern +songs, was immensely taken with it. She sang it, and allowed me to +accompany her. We spent nearly an hour over it. I obtained a copy +afterwards." + +"Good," said the duchess. "Then I count on you. Now I must send a +sympathetic telegram to that poor dear Velma, who will be fretting at +having to fail us. So 'au revoir,' good people. Remember, we dine +punctually at eight o'clock. Music is supposed to begin at nine. +Ronnie, be a kind boy, and carry Tommy into the hall for me. He will +screech so fearfully if he sees me walk away without him. He is so very +loving, dear bird!" + +Silence under the cedar. + +Most people were watching young Ronald, holding the stand as much at +arm's length as possible; while Tommy, keeping his balance wonderfully, +sidled up close to him, evidently making confidential remarks into +Ronnie's terrified ear. The duchess walked on before, quite satisfied +with the new turn events had taken. + +One or two people were watching Jane. + +"It is very brave of you," said Myra Ingleby, at length. "I would offer +to play your accompaniment, dear; but I can only manage Au clair de la +lune, and Three Blind Mice, with one finger." + +"And I would offer to play your accompaniment, dear," said Garth +Dalmain, "if you were going to sing Lassen's Allerseelen, for I play +that quite beautifully with ten fingers! It is an education only to +hear the way I bring out the tolling of the cemetery chapel bell right +through the song. The poor thing with the bunch of purple heather can +never get away from it. Even in the grand crescendo, appassionata, +fortissimo, when they discover that 'in death's dark valley this is +Holy Day,' I give then no holiday from that bell. I don't know what it +did 'once in May.' It tolls all the time, with maddening persistence, +in my accompaniment. But I have seen The Rosary, and I dare not face +those chords. To begin with, you start in every known flat; and before +you have gone far you have gathered unto yourself handfuls of known and +unknown sharps, to which you cling, not daring to let them go, lest +they should be wanted again the next moment. Alas, no! When it is a +question of accompanying The Rosary, I must say, as the old farmer at +the tenants' dinner the other day said to the duchess when she pressed +upon him a third helping of pudding: 'Madam, I CANNOT!'" + +"Don't be silly, Dal," said Jane. "You could accompany The Rosary +perfectly, if I wanted it done. But, as it happens, I prefer +accompanying myself." + +"Ah," said Lady Ingleby, sympathetically, "I quite understand that. It +would be such a relief all the time to know that if things seemed going +wrong, you could stop the other part, and give yourself the note." + +The only two real musicians present glanced at each other, and a gleam +of amusement passed between them. + +"It certainly would be useful, if necessary," said Jane. + +"_I_ would 'stop the other part' and 'give you the note,'" said Garth, +demurely. + +"I am sure you would," said Jane. "You are always so very kind. But I +prefer to keep the matter in my own hands." + +"You realise the difficulty of making the voice carry in a place of +that size unless you can stand and face the audience?" Garth Dalmain +spoke anxiously. Jane was a special friend of his, and he had a man's +dislike of the idea of his chum failing in anything, publicly. + +The same quiet smile dawned in Jane's eyes and passed to her lips as +when she had realised that her aunt meant her to volunteer in Velma's +place. She glanced around. Most of the party had wandered off in twos +and threes, some to the house, others back to the river. She and Dal +and Myra were practically alone. Her calm eyes were full of quiet +amusement as she steadfastly met the anxious look in Garth's, and +answered his question. + +"Yes, I know. But the acoustic properties of the room are very perfect, +and I have learned to throw my voice. Perhaps you may not know--in +fact, how should you know?--but I have had the immense privilege of +studying with Madame Marchesi in Paris, and of keeping up to the mark +since by an occasional delightful hour with her no less gifted daughter +in London. So I ought to know all there is to know about the management +of a voice, if I have at all adequately availed myself of such golden +opportunities." + +These quiet words were Greek to Myra, conveying no more to her mind +than if Jane had said: "I have been learning Tonic sol-fa." In fact, +not quite so much, seeing that Lady Ingleby had herself once tried to +master the Tonic sol-fa system in order to instruct her men and maids +in part-singing. It was at a time when she owned a distinctly musical +household. The second footman possessed a fine barytone. The butler +could "do a little bass," which is to say that, while the other parts +soared to higher regions, he could stay on the bottom note if carefully +placed there, and told to remain. The head housemaid sang what she +called "seconds"; in other words, she followed along, slightly behind +the trebles as regarded time, and a major third below them as regarded +pitch. The housekeeper, a large, dark person with a fringe on her upper +lip, unshaven and unashamed, produced a really remarkable effect by +singing the air an octave below the trebles. Unfortunately Lady Ingleby +was apt to confuse her with the butler. Myra herself was the first to +admit that she had not "much ear"; but it was decidedly trying, at a +moment when she dared not remove her eyes from the accompaniment of +Good King Wenceslas, to have called out: "Stay where you are, Jenkins!" +and then find it was Mrs. Jarvis who had been travelling upwards. But +when a new footman, engaged by Lord Ingleby with no reference to his +musical gifts, chanced to possess a fine throaty tenor, Myra felt she +really had material with which great things might be accomplished, and +decided herself to learn the Tonic sol-fa system. She easily mastered +mi, re, do, and so, fa, fa, mi, because these represented the opening +lines of Three Blind Mice, always a musical landmark to Myra. But when +it came to the fugue-like intricacies in the theme of "They all ran +after the farmer's wife," Lady Ingleby was lost without the words to +cling to, and gave up the Tonic sol-fa system in despair. + +So the name of the greatest teacher of singing of this age did not +convey much to Myra's mind. But Garth Dalmain sat up. + +"I say! No wonder you take it coolly. Why, Velma herself was a pupil of +the great madame." + +"That is how it happens that I know her rather well," said Jane. "I am +here to-day because I was to have played her accompaniment." + +"I see," said Garth. "And now you have to do both. 'Land's sake!' as +Mrs. Parker Bangs says when you explain who's who at a Marlborough +House garden party. But you prefer playing other people's +accompaniments, to singing yourself, don't you?" + +Jane's slow smile dawned again. + +"I prefer singing," she said, "but accompanying is more useful." + +"Of course it is," said Garth. "Heaps of people can sing a little, but +very few can accompany properly." + +"Jane," said Myra, her grey eyes looking out lazily from under their +long black lashes, "if you have had singing lessons, and know some +songs, why hasn't the duchess turned you on to sing to us before this?" + +"For a sad reason," Jane replied. "You know her only son died eight +years ago? He was such a handsome, talented fellow. He and I inherited +our love of music from our grandfather. My cousin got into a musical +set at college, studied with enthusiasm, and wanted to take it up +professionally. He had promised, one Christmas vacation, to sing at a +charity concert in town, and went out, when only just recovering from +influenza, to fulfil this engagement. He had a relapse, double +pneumonia set in, and he died in five days from heart failure. My poor +aunt was frantic with grief; and since then any mention of my love of +music makes her very bitter. I, too, wanted to take it up +professionally, but she put her foot down heavily. I scarcely ever +venture to sing or play here." + +"Why not elsewhere?" asked Garth Dalmain. "We have stayed about at the +same houses, and I had not the faintest idea you sang." + +"I do not know," said Jane slowly. "But--music means so much to me. It +is a sort of holy of holies in the tabernacle of one's inner being. And +it is not easy to lift the veil." + +"The veil will be lifted to-night," said Myra Ingleby. + +"Yes," agreed Jane, smiling a little ruefully, "I suppose it will." + +"And we shall pass in," said Garth Dalmain. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +CONFIDENCES + + +The shadows silently lengthened on the lawn. + +The home-coming rooks circled and cawed around the tall elm trees. + +The sun-dial pointed to six o'clock. + +Myra Ingleby rose and stood with the slanting rays of the sun full in +her eyes, her arms stretched over her head. The artist noted every +graceful line of her willowy figure. + +"Ah, bah!" she yawned. "It is so perfect out here, and I must go in to +my maid. Jane, be advised in time. Do not ever begin facial massage. +You become a slave to it, and it takes up hours of your day. Look at +me." + +They were both looking already. Myra was worth looking at. + +"For ordinary dressing purposes, I need not have gone in until seven; +and now I must lose this last, perfect hour." + +"What happens?" asked Jane. "I know nothing of the process." + +"I can't go into details," replied Lady Ingleby, "but you know how +sweet I have looked all day? Well, if I did not go to my maid now, I +should look less sweet by the end of dinner, and at the close of the +evening I should appear ten years older." + +"You would always look sweet," said Jane, with frank sincerity; "and +why mind looking the age you are?" + +"My dear, 'a man is as old as he feels; a woman is as old as she +looks,'" quoted Myra. + +"I FEEL just seven," said Garth. + +"And you LOOK seventeen," laughed Myra. + +"And I AM twenty-seven," retorted Garth; "so the duchess should not +call me 'a ridiculous child.' And, dear lady, if curtailing this +mysterious process is going to make you one whit less lovely to-night, +I do beseech you to hasten to your maid, or you will spoil my whole +evening. I shall burst into tears at dinner, and the duchess hates +scenes, as you very well know!" + +Lady Ingleby flapped him with her garden hat as she passed. + +"Be quiet, you ridiculous child!" she said. "You had no business to +listen to what I was saying to Jane. You shall paint me this autumn. +And after that I will give up facial massage, and go abroad, and come +back quite old." + +She flung this last threat over her shoulder as she trailed away across +the lawn. + +"How lovely she is!" commented Garth, gazing after her. "How much of +that was true, do you suppose, Miss Champion?" + +"I have not the slightest idea," replied Jane. "I am completely +ignorant on the subject of facial massage." + +"Not much, I should think," continued Garth, "or she would not have +told us." + + + +"Ah, you are wrong there," replied Jane, quickly. "Myra is +extraordinarily honest, and always inclined to be frank about herself +and her foibles. She had a curious upbringing. She is one of a large +family, and was always considered the black sheep, not so much by her +brothers and sisters, as by her mother. Nothing she was, or said, or +did, was ever right. When Lord Ingleby met her, and I suppose saw her +incipient possibilities, she was a tall, gawky girl, with lovely eyes, +a sweet, sensitive mouth, and a what-on-earth-am-I-going-to-do-next +expression on her face. He was twenty years her senior, but fell most +determinedly in love with her and, though her mother pressed upon him +all her other daughters in turn, he would have Myra or nobody. When he +proposed to her it was impossible at first to make her understand what +he meant. His meaning dawned on her at length, and he was not kept +waiting long for her answer. I have often heard him tease her about it. +She looked at him with an adorable smile, her eyes brimming over with +tears, and said: 'Why, of course. I'll marry you GRATEFULLY, and I +think it is perfectly sweet of you to like me. But what a blow for +mamma!' They were married with as little delay as possible, and he took +her off to Paris, Italy, and Egypt, had six months abroad, and brought +her back--this! I was staying with them once, and her mother was also +there. We were sitting in the morning room,--no men, just half a dozen +women,--and her mother began finding fault about something, and said: +'Has not Lord Ingleby often told you of it?' Myra looked up in her +sweet, lazy way and answered: 'Dear mamma, I know it must seem strange +to you, but, do you know, my husband thinks everything I do perfect.' +'Your husband is a fool!' snapped her mother. 'From YOUR point of view, +dear mamma,' said Myra, sweetly." + +"Old curmudgeon!" remarked Garth. "Why are people of that sort allowed +to be called 'mothers'? We, who have had tender, perfect mothers, would +like to make it law that the other kind should always be called +'she-parents,' or 'female progenitors,' or any other descriptive title, +but not profane the sacred name of mother!" + +Jane was silent. She knew the beautiful story of Garth's boyhood with +his widowed mother. She knew his passionate adoration of her sainted +memory. She liked him best when she got a glimpse beneath the surface, +and did not wish to check his mood by reminding him that she herself +had never even lisped that name. + +Garth rose from his chair and stretched his slim figure in the slanting +sun-rays, much as Myra had done. Jane looked at him. As is often the +case with plain people, great physical beauty appealed to her strongly. +She only allowed to that appeal its right proportion in her estimation +of her friends. Garth Dalmain by no means came first among her +particular chums. He was older than most of them, and yet in some ways +younger than any, and his remarkable youthfulness of manner and +exuberance of spirits sometimes made him appear foolish to Jane, whose +sense of humour was of a more sedate kind. But of the absolute +perfection of his outward appearance, there was no question; and Jane +looked at him now, much as his own mother might have looked, with +honest admiration in her kind eyes. + +Garth, notwithstanding the pale violet shirt and dark violet tie, was +quite unconscious of his own appearance; and, dazzled by the golden +sunlight, was also unconscious of Jane's look. + +"Oh, I say, Miss Champion!" he cried, boyishly. "Isn't it nice that +they have all gone in? I have been wanting a good jaw with you. Really, +when we all get together we do drivel sometimes, to keep the ball +rolling. It is like patting up air-balls; and very often they burst, +and one realises that an empty, shrivelled little skin is all that is +left after most conversations. Did you ever buy air-balls at Brighton? +Do you remember the wild excitement of seeing the man coming along the +parade, with a huge bunch of them--blue, green, red, white, and yellow, +all shining in the sun? And one used to wonder how he ever contrived to +pick them all up--I don't know how!--and what would happen if he put +them all down. I always knew exactly which one I wanted, and it was +generally on a very inside string and took a long time to disentangle. +And how maddening it was if the grown-ups grew tired of waiting, and +walked on with the penny. Only I would rather have had none, than not +have the one on which I had fixed my heart. Wouldn't you?" + +"I never bought air-balls at Brighton," replied Jane, without +enthusiasm. Garth was feeling seven again, and Jane was feeling bored. + +For once he seemed conscious of this. He took his coat from the back of +the chair where he had hung it, and put it on. + +"Come along, Miss Champion," he said; "I am so tired of doing nothing. +Let us go down to the river and find a boat or two. Dinner is not until +eight o'clock, and I am certain you can dress, even for the ROLE of +Velma, in half an hour. I have known you do it in ten minutes, at a +pinch. There is ample time for me to row you within sight of the +minster, and we can talk as we go. Ah, fancy! the grey old minster with +this sunset behind it, and a field of cowslips in the foreground!" + +But Jane did not rise. + +"My dear Dal," she said, "you would not feel much enthusiasm for the +minster or the sunset, after you had pulled my twelve stone odd up the +river. You would drop exhausted among the cowslips. Surely you might +know by now that I am not the sort of person to be told off to sit in +the stern of a tiny skiff and steer. If I am in a boat, I like to row; +and if I row, I prefer rowing stroke. But I do not want to row now, +because I have been playing golf the whole afternoon. And you know +perfectly well it would be no pleasure to you to have to gaze at me all +the way up and all the way down the river; knowing all the time, that I +was mentally criticising your stroke and marking the careless way you +feathered." + + + +Garth sat down, lay back in his chair, with his arms behind his sleek +dark head, and looked at her with his soft shining eyes, just as he had +looked at the duchess. + +"How cross you are, old chap," he said, gently. "What is the matter?" + +Jane laughed and held out her hand. "Oh, you dear boy! I think you have +the sweetest temper in the world. I won't be cross any more. The truth +is, I hate the duchess's concerts, and I don't like being the duchess's +'surprise-packet.'" + +"I see," said Garth, sympathetically. "But, that being so, why did you +offer?" + +"Ah, I had to," said Jane. "Poor old dear! She so rarely asks me +anything, and her eyes besought. Don't you know how one longs to have +something to do for some one who belongs to one? I would black her +boots if she wished it. But it is so hard to stay here, week after +week, and be kept at arm's length. This one thing she asked of me, and +her proud old eyes pleaded. Could I refuse?" + +Garth was all sympathy. "No, dear," he said thoughtfully; "of course +you couldn't. And don't bother over that silly joke about the 'surprise +packet.' You see, you won't be that. I have no doubt you sing vastly +better than most of them, but they will not realise it. It takes a +Velma to make such people as these sit up. They will think THE ROSARY a +pretty song, and give you a mild clap, and there the thing will end. So +don't worry." + +Jane sat and considered this. Then: "Dal," she said, "I do hate singing +before that sort of audience. It is like giving them your soul to look +at, and you don't want them to see it. It seems indecent. To my mind, +music is the most REVEALING thing in the world. I shiver when I think +of that song, and yet I daren't do less than my best. When the moment +comes, I shall live in the song, and forget the audience. Let me tell +you a lesson I once had from Madame Blanche. I was singing Bemberg's +CHANT HINDOU, the passionate prayer of an Indian woman to Brahma. I +began: 'BRAHMA! DIEU DES CROYANTS,' and sang it as I might have sung +'DO, RE, MI.' Brahma was nothing to me. 'Stop!' cried Madame Blanche in +her most imperious manner. 'Ah, vous Anglais! What are you doing? +BRAHMA, c'est un Dieu! He may not be YOUR God. He may not be MY God. +But he is somebody's God. He is the God of the song. Ecoutez!' And she +lifted her head and sang: 'Brahma! Dieu des croyants! Maitre des cites +saintes!' with her beautiful brow illumined, and a passion of religious +fervour which thrilled one's soul. It was a lesson I never forgot. I +can honestly say I have never sung a song tamely, since." + +"Fine!" said Garth Dalmain. "I like enthusiasm in every branch of art. +I never care to paint a portrait, unless I adore the woman I am +painting." + +Jane smiled. The conversation was turning exactly the way she had hoped +eventually to lead it. + +"Dal, dear," she said, "you adore so many in turn, that we old friends, +who have your real interest at heart, fear you will never adore to any +definite purpose." + +Garth laughed. "Oh bother!" he said. "Are you like all the rest? Do you +also think adoration and admiration must necessarily mean marriage. I +should have expected you to take a saner and more masculine view." + +"My dear boy," said Jane, "your friends have decided that you need a +wife. You are alone in the world. You have a lovely home. You are in a +fair way to be spoiled by all the silly women who run after you. Of +course we are perfectly aware that your wife must have every +incomparable beauty under the sun united in her own exquisite person. +But each new divinity you see and paint apparently fulfils, for the +time being, this wondrous ideal; and, perhaps, if you wedded one, +instead of painting her, she might continue permanently to fulfil it." + +Garth considered this in silence, his level brows knitted. At last he +said: "Beauty is so much a thing of the surface. I see it, and admire +it. I desire it, and paint it. When I have painted it, I have made it +my own, and somehow I find I have done with it. All the time I am +painting a woman, I am seeking for her soul. I want to express it on my +canvas; and do you know, Miss Champion, I find that a lovely woman does +not always have a lovely soul." + +Jane was silent. The last things she wished to discuss were other +women's souls. + +"There is just one who seems to me perfect," continued Garth. "I am to +paint her this autumn. I believe I shall find her soul as exquisite as +her body." + +"And she is--?" inquired Jane. + +"Lady Brand." + +"Flower!" exclaimed Jane. "Are YOU so taken with Flower?" + +"Ah, she is lovely," said Garth, with reverent enthusiasm. "It +positively is not right for any one to be so absolutely flawlessly +lovely. It makes me ache. Do you know that feeling, Miss Champion, of +perfect loveliness making you ache?" + +"No, I don't," said Jane, shortly. "And I do not think other people's +wives ought to have that effect upon you." + +"My dear old chap," exclaimed Garth, astonished; "it has nothing to do +with wives or no wives. A wood of bluebells in morning sunshine would +have precisely the same effect. I ache to paint her. When I have +painted her and really done justice to that matchless loveliness as I +see it, I shall feel all right. At present I have only painted her from +memory; but she is to sit to me in October." + +"From memory?" questioned Jane. + +"Yes, I paint a great deal from memory. Give me one look of a certain +kind at a face, let me see it at a moment which lets one penetrate +beneath the surface, and I can paint that face from memory weeks after. +Lots of my best studies have been done that way. Ah, the delight of it! +Beauty--the worship of beauty is to me a religion." + +"Rather a godless form of religion," suggested Jane. + +"Ah no," said Garth reverently. "All true beauty comes from God, and +leads back to God. 'Every good gift and every perfect gift is from +above, and cometh down from the Father of lights.' I once met an old +freak who said all sickness came from the devil. I never could believe +that, for my mother was an invalid during the last years of her life, +and I can testify that her sickness was a blessing to many, and borne +to the glory of God. But I am, convinced all true beauty is God-given, +and that is why the worship of beauty is to me a religion. Nothing bad +was ever truly beautiful; nothing good is ever really ugly." + +Jane smiled as she watched him, lying back in the golden sunlight, the +very personification of manly beauty. The absolute lack of +self-consciousness, either for himself or for her, which allowed him to +talk thus to the plainest woman of his acquaintance, held a vein of +humour which diverted Jane. It appealed to her more than buying +coloured air-balls, or screaming because the duchess wore a mushroom +hat. + +"Then are plain people to be denied their share of goodness, Dal?" she +asked. + +"Plainness is not ugliness," replied Garth Dalmain simply. "I learned +that when quite a small boy. My mother took me to hear a famous +preacher. As he sat on the platform during the preliminaries he seemed +to me quite the ugliest man I had ever seen. He reminded me of a +grotesque gorilla, and I dreaded the moment when he should rise up and +face us and give out a text. It seemed to me there ought to be bars +between, and that we should want to throw nuts and oranges. But when he +rose to speak, his face was transfigured. Goodness and inspiration +shone from it, making it as the face of an angel. I never again thought +him ugly. The beauty of his soul shone through, transfiguring his body. +Child though I was, I could differentiate even then between ugliness +and plainness. When he sat down at the close of his magnificent sermon, +I no longer thought him a complicated form of chimpanzee. I remembered +the divine halo of his smile. Of course his actual plainness of feature +remained. It was not the sort of face one could have wanted to live +with, or to have day after day opposite to one at table. But then one +was not called to that sort of discipline, which would have been +martyrdom to me. And he has always stood to my mind since as a proof of +the truth that goodness is never ugly; and that divine love and +aspiration shining through the plainest features may redeem them +temporarily into beauty; and, permanently, into a thing one loves to +remember." + +"I see," said Jane. "It must have often helped you to a right view to +have realised that so long ago. But now let us return to the important +question of the face which you ARE to have daily opposite you at table. +It cannot be Lady Brand's, nor can it be Myra's; but, you know, Dal, a +very lovely one is being suggested for the position." + +"No names, please," said Garth, quickly. "I object to girls' names +being mentioned in this sort of conversation." + +"Very well, dear boy. I understand and respect your objection. You have +made her famous already by your impressionist portrait of her, and I +hear you are to do a more elaborate picture 'in the fall.' Now, Dal, +you know you admire her immensely. She is lovely, she is charming, she +hails from the land whose women, when they possess charm, unite with it +a freshness and a piquancy which place them beyond compare. In some +ways you are so unique yourself that you ought to have a wife with a +certain amount of originality. Now, I hardly know how far the opinion +of your friends would influence you in such a matter, but you may like +to hear how fully they approve your very open allegiance to--shall we +say--the beautiful 'Stars and Stripes'?" + +Garth Dalmain took out his cigarette case, carefully selected a +cigarette, and sat with it between his fingers in absorbed +contemplation. + +"Smoke," said Jane. + +"Thanks," said Garth. He struck a match and very deliberately lighted +his cigarette. As he flung away the vesta the breeze caught it and it +fell on the lawn, flaming brightly. Garth sprang up and extinguished +it, then drew his chair more exactly opposite to Jane's and lay back, +smoking meditatively, and watching the little rings he blew, mount into +the cedar branches, expand, fade, and vanish. + +Jane was watching him. The varied and characteristic ways in which her +friends lighted and smoked their cigarettes always interested Jane. +There were at least a dozen young men of whom she could have given the +names upon hearing a description of their method. Also, she had learned +from Deryck Brand the value of silences in an important conversation, +and the art of not weakening a statement by a postscript. + +At last Garth spoke. + +"I wonder why the smoke is that lovely pale blue as it curls up from +the cigarette, and a greyish-white if one blows it out." + +Jane knew it was because it had become impregnated with moisture, but +she did not say so, having no desire to contribute her quota of pats to +this air-ball, or to encourage the superficial workings of his mind +just then. She quietly awaited the response to her appeal to his deeper +nature which she felt certain would be forthcoming. Presently it came. + +"It is awfully good of you, Miss Champion, to take the trouble to think +all this and to say it to me. May I prove my gratitude by explaining +for once where my difficulty lies? I have scarcely defined it to +myself, and yet I believe I can express it to you." Another long +silence. Garth smoked and pondered. + +Jane waited. It was a very comprehending, very companionable silence. +Garth found himself parodying the last lines of an old +sixteenth-century song: + + "Then ever pray that heaven may send + Such weeds, such chairs, and such a friend." + +Either the cigarette, or the chair, or Jane, or perhaps all three +combined were producing in him a sublime sense of calm, and rest, and +well-being; an uplifting of spirit which made all good things seem +better; all difficult things, easy; and all ideals, possible. The +silence, like the sunset, was golden; but at last he broke it. + +"Two women--the only two women who have ever really been in my +life--form for me a standard below which I cannot fall,--one, my +mother, a sacred and ideal memory; the other, old Margery Graem, my +childhood's friend and nurse, now my housekeeper and general tender and +mender. Her faithful heart and constant remembrance help to keep me +true to the ideal of that sweet presence which faded from beside me +when I stood on the threshold of manhood. Margery lives at Castle +Gleneesh. When I return home, the sight which first meets my eyes as +the hall door opens is old Margery in her black satin apron, lawn +kerchief, and lavender ribbons. I always feel seven then, and I always +hug her. You, Miss Champion, don't like me when I feel seven; but +Margery does. Now, this is what I want you to realise. When I bring a +bride to Gleneesh and present her to Margery, the kind old eyes will +try to see nothing but good; the faithful old heart will yearn to love +and serve. And yet I shall know she knows the standard, just as I know +it; I shall know she remembers the ideal of gentle, tender, Christian +womanhood, just as I remember it; and I must not, I dare not, fall +short. Believe me, Miss Champion, more than once, when physical +attraction has been strong, and I have been tempted in the worship of +the outward loveliness to disregard or forget the essentials,--the +things which are unseen but eternal,--then, all unconscious of +exercising any such influence, old Margery's clear eyes look into mine, +old Margery's mittened hand seems to rest upon my coat sleeve, and the +voice which has guided me from infancy, says, in gentle astonishment: +`Is this your choice, Master Garthie, to fill my dear lady's place?' No +doubt, Miss Champion, it will seem almost absurd to you when you think +of our set and our sentiments, and the way we racket round that I +should sit here on the duchess's lawn and confess that I have been held +back from proposing marriage to the women I have most admired, because +of what would have been my old nurse's opinion of them! But you must +remember her opinion is formed by a memory, and that memory is the +memory of my dead mother. Moreover, Margery voices my best self, and +expresses my own judgment when it is not blinded by passion or warped +by my worship of the beautiful. Not that Margery would disapprove of +loveliness; in fact, she would approve of nothing else for me, I know +very well. But her penetration rapidly goes beneath the surface. +According to one of Paul's sublime paradoxes, she looks at the things +that are not seen. It seems queer that I can tell you all this, Miss +Champion, and really it is the first time I have actually formulated it +in my own mind. But I think it so extremely friendly of you to have +troubled to give me good advice in the matter." + +Garth Dalmain ceased speaking, and the silence which followed suddenly +assumed alarming proportions, seeming to Jane like a high fence which +she was vainly trying to scale. She found herself mentally rushing +hither and thither, seeking a gate or any possible means of egress. And +still she was confronted by the difficulty of replying adequately to +the totally unexpected. And what added to her dumbness was the fact +that she was infinitely touched by Garth's confession; and when Jane +was deeply moved speech always became difficult. That this young +man--adored by all the girls for his good looks and delightful manners; +pursued for his extreme eligibility by mothers and chaperons; famous +already in the world of art; flattered, courted, sought after in +society--should calmly admit that the only woman really left IN his +life was his old nurse, and that her opinion and expectations held him +back from a worldly, or unwise marriage, touched Jane deeply, even +while in her heart she smiled at what their set would say could they +realise the situation. It revealed Garth in a new light; and suddenly +Jane understood him, as she had not understood him before. + +And yet the only reply she could bring herself to frame was: "I wish I +knew old Margery." + +Garth's brown eyes flashed with pleasure. + +"Ah, I wish you did," he said. "And I should like you to see Castle +Gleneesh. You would enjoy the view from the terrace, sheer into the +gorge, and away across the purple hills. And I think you would like the +pine woods and the moor. I say, Miss Champion, why should not _I_ get +up a 'best party' in September, and implore the duchess to come and +chaperon it? And then you could come, and any one else you would like +asked. And--and, perhaps--we might ask--the beautiful 'Stars and +Stripes,' and her aunt, Mrs. Parker Bangs of Chicago; and then we +should see what Margery thought of her!" + +"Delightful!" said Jane. "I would come with pleasure. And really, Dal, +I think that girl has a sweet nature. Could you do better? The exterior +is perfect, and surely the soul is there. Yes, ask us all, and see what +happens." + +"I will," cried Garth, delighted. "And what will Margery think of Mrs. +Parker Bangs?" + +"Never mind," said Jane decidedly. "When you marry the niece, the aunt +goes back to Chicago." + +"And I wish her people were not millionaires." + +"That can't be helped," said Jane. "Americans are so charming, that we +really must not mind their money." + +"I wish Miss Lister and her aunt were here," remarked Garth. "But they +are to be at Lady Ingleby's, where I am due next Tuesday. Do you come +on there, Miss Champion?" + +"I do," replied Jane. "I go to the Brands for a few days on Tuesday, +but I have promised Myra to turn up at Shenstone for the week-end. I +like staying there. They are such a harmonious couple." + +"Yes," said Garth, "but no one could help being a harmonious couple, +who had married Lady Ingleby." + +"What grammar!" laughed Jane. "But I know what you mean, and I am glad +you think so highly of Myra. She is a dear! Only do make haste and +paint her and get her off your mind, so as to be free for Pauline +Lister." + +The sun-dial pointed to seven o'clock. The rooks had circled round the +elms and dropped contentedly into their nests. + +"Let us go in," said Jane, rising. "I am glad we have had this talk," +she added, as he walked beside her across the lawn. + +"Yes," said Garth. "Air-balls weren't in it! It was a football this +time--good solid leather. And we each kicked one goal,--a tie, you +know. For your advice went home to me, and I think my reply showed you +the true lie of things; eh, Miss Champion?" + +He was feeling seven again; but Jane saw him now through old Margery's +glasses, and it did not annoy her. + +"Yes," she said, smiling at him with her kind, true eyes; "we will +consider it a tie, and surely it will prove a tie to our friendship. +Thank you, Dal, for all you have told me." + +Arrived in her room, Jane found she had half an hour to spare before +dressing. She took out her diary. Her conversation with Garth Dalmain +seemed worth recording, particularly his story of the preacher whose +beauty of soul redeemed the ugliness of his body. She wrote it down +verbatim. + +Then she rang for her maid, and dressed for dinner, and the concert +which should follow. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +THE VEIL IS LIFTED + + +"MISS CHAMPION! Oh, here you are! Your turn next, please. The last item +of the local programme is in course of performance, after which the +duchess explains Velma's laryngitis--let us hope she will not call it +'appendicitis'--and then I usher you up. Are you ready?" + +Garth Dalmain, as master of ceremonies, had sought Jane Champion on the +terrace, and stood before her in the soft light of the hanging Chinese +lanterns. The crimson rambler in his button-hole, and his red silk +socks, which matched it, lent an artistic touch of colour to the +conventional black and white of his evening clothes. + +Jane looked up from the comfortable depths of her wicker chair; then +smiled at his anxious face. + +"I am ready," she said, and rising, walked beside him. "Has it gone +well?" she asked. "Is it a good audience?" + +"Packed," replied Garth, "and the duchess has enjoyed herself. It has +been funnier than usual. But now comes the event of the evening. I say, +where is your score?" + +"Thanks," said Jane. "I shall play it from memory. It obviates the +bother of turning over." + +They passed into the concert-room and stood behind screens and a +curtain, close to the half-dozen steps leading, from the side, up on to +the platform. + +"Oh, hark to the duchess!" whispered Garth. "My NIECE, JANE CHAMPION, +HAS KINDLY CONSENTED TO STEP INTO THE BREACH--' Which means that you +will have to step up on to that platform in another half-minute. Really +it would be kinder to you if she said less about Velma. But never mind; +they are prepared to like anything. There! APPENDICITIS! I told you so. +Poor Madame Velma! Let us hope it won't get into the local papers. Oh, +goodness! She is going to enlarge on new-fangled diseases. Well, it +gives us a moment's breathing space.... I say, Miss Champion, I was +chaffing this afternoon about sharps and flats. I can play that +accompaniment for you if you like. No? Well, just as you think best. +But remember, it takes a lot of voice to make much effect in this +concert-room, and the place is crowded. Now--the duchess has done. Come +on. Mind the bottom step. Hang it all! How dark it is behind this +curtain!" + +Garth gave her his hand, and Jane mounted the steps and passed into +view of the large audience assembled in the Overdene concert-room. Her +tall figure seemed taller than usual as she walked alone across the +rather high platform. She wore a black evening gown of soft material, +with old lace at her bosom and one string of pearls round her neck. +When she appeared, the audience gazed at her and applauded doubtfully. +Velma's name on the programme had raised great expectations; and here +was Miss Champion, who certainly played very nicely, but was not +supposed to be able to sing, volunteering to sing Velma's song. A more +kindly audience would have cheered her to the echo, voicing its +generous appreciation of her effort, and sanguine expectation of her +success. This audience expressed its astonishment, in the dubiousness +of its faint applause. + +Jane smiled at them good-naturedly; sat down at the piano, a Bechstein +grand; glanced at the festoons of white roses and the cross of crimson +ramblers; then, without further preliminaries, struck the opening chord +and commenced to sing. + +The deep, perfect voice thrilled through the room. + +A sudden breathless hush fell upon the audience. + +Each syllable penetrated the silence, borne on a tone so tender and so +amazingly sweet, that casual hearts stood still and marvelled at their +own emotion; and those who felt deeply already, responded with a yet +deeper thrill to the magic of that music. + + "The hours I spent with thee, dear heart, + Are as a string of pearls to me; + I count them over, ev'ry one apart, + My rosary,--my rosary." + +Softly, thoughtfully, tenderly, the last two words were breathed into +the silence, holding a world of reminiscence--a large-hearted woman's +faithful remembrance of tender moments in the past. + +The listening crowd held its breath. This was not a song. This was the +throbbing of a heart; and it throbbed in tones of such sweetness, that +tears started unbidden. + +Then the voice, which had rendered the opening lines so quietly, rose +in a rapid crescendo of quivering pain. + + "Each hour a pearl, each pearl a prayer, + To still a heart in absence wrung; + I tell each bead unto the end, and there-- + A cross is hung!" + +The last four words were given with a sudden power and passion which +electrified the assembly. In the pause which followed, could be heard +the tension of feeling produced. But in another moment the quiet voice +fell soothingly, expressing a strength of endurance which would fail in +no crisis, nor fear to face any depths of pain; yet gathering to itself +a poignancy of sweetness, rendered richer by the discipline of +suffering. + + "O memories that bless and burn! + O barren gain and bitter loss! + I kiss each bead, and strive at last to learn + To kiss the cross ... to kiss the cross." + +Only those who have heard Jane sing THE ROSARY can possibly realise how +she sang "I KISS EACH BEAD." The lingering retrospection in each word; +breathed out a love so womanly, so beautiful, so tender, that her +identity was forgotten--even by those in the audience who knew her +best--in the magic of her rendering of the song. + +The accompaniment, which opens with a single chord, closes with a +single note. + +Jane struck it softly, lingeringly; then rose, turned from the piano, +and was leaving the platform, when a sudden burst of wild applause +broke from the audience. Jane hesitated, paused, looked at her aunt's +guests as if almost surprised to find them there. Then the slow smile +dawned in her eyes and passed to her lips. She stood in the centre of +the platform for a moment, awkwardly, almost shyly; then moved on as +men's voices began to shout "Encore! 'core!" and left the platform by +the side staircase. + +But there, behind the scenes, in the semi-darkness of screens and +curtains, a fresh surprise awaited Jane, more startling than the +enthusiastic tumult of her audience. + +At the foot of the staircase stood Garth Dalmain. His face was +absolutely colourless, and his eyes shone out from it like burning +stars. He remained motionless until she stepped from the last stair and +stood close to him. Then with a sudden movement he caught her by the +shoulders and turned her round. + +"Go back!" he said, and the overmastering need quivering in his voice +drew Jane's eyes to his in mute astonishment. "Go back at once and sing +it all over again, note for note, word for word, just as before. Ah, +don't stand here waiting! Go back now! Go back at once! Don't you know +that you MUST?" + +Jane looked into those shining eyes. Something she saw in them excused +the brusque command of his tone. Without a word, she quietly mounted +the steps and walked across the platform to the piano. People were +still applauding, and redoubled their demonstrations of delight as she +appeared; but Jane took her seat at the instrument without giving them +a thought. + +She was experiencing a very curious and unusual sensation. Never before +in her whole life had she obeyed a peremptory command. In her +childhood's days, Fraulein and Miss Jebb soon found out that they could +only obtain their desires by means of carefully worded requests, or +pathetic appeals to her good feelings and sense of right. An +unreasonable order, or a reasonable one unexplained, promptly met with +a point-blank refusal. And this characteristic still obtained, though +modified by time; and even the duchess, as a rule, said "please" to +Jane. + +But now a young man with a white face and blazing eyes had +unceremoniously swung her round, ordered her up the stairs, and +commanded her to sing a song over again, note for note, word for word, +and she was meekly going to obey. + +As she took her seat, Jane suddenly made up her mind not to sing The +Rosary again. She had many finer songs in her repertoire. The audience +expected another. Why should she disappoint those expectations because +of the imperious demands of a very highly excited boy? + +She commenced the magnificent prelude to Handel's "Where'er you walk," +but, as she played it, her sense of truth and justice intervened. She +had not come back to sing again at the bidding of a highly excited boy, +but of a deeply moved man; and his emotion was of no ordinary kind. +That Garth Dalmain should have been so moved as to forget even +momentarily his punctilious courtesy of manner, was the highest +possible tribute to her art and to her song. While she played the +Handel theme--and played it so that a whole orchestra seemed marshalled +upon the key-board under those strong, firm finger--she suddenly +realised, though scarcely understanding it, the MUST of which Garth had +spoken, and made up her mind to yield to its necessity. So; when the +opening bars were ended, instead of singing the grand song from Semele +she paused for a moment; struck once more The Rosary's; opening chord; +and did as Garth had bidden her to do. + + "The hours I spent with thee, dear heart, + Are as a string of pearls to me; + I count them over, ev'ry one apart, + My rosary,--my rosary. + "Each hour a pearl, each pearl a prayer, + To still a heart in absence wrung; + I tell each bead unto the end, and there-- + A cross is hung! + "O memories that bless and burn! + O barren gain and bitter loss! + I kiss each bead, and strive at last to learn + To kiss the cross ... to kiss the cross." + +When Jane left the platform, Garth was still standing motionless at the +foot of the stairs. His face was just as white as before, but his eyes +had lost that terrible look of unshed tears, which had sent her back, +at his bidding, without a word of question or remonstrance. A wonderful +light now shone in them; a light of adoration, which touched Jane's +heart because she had never before seen anything quite like it. She +smiled as she came slowly down the steps, and held out both hands to +him with an unconscious movement of gracious friendliness. Garth +stepped close to the bottom of the staircase and took them in his, +while she was still on the step above him. + +For a moment he did not speak. Then in a low voice, vibrant with +emotion: "My God!" he said, "Oh, my God!" + +"Hush," said Jane; "I never like to hear that name spoken lightly, Dal." + +"Spoken lightly!" he exclaimed. "No speaking lightly would be possible +for me to-night. 'Every perfect gift is from above.' When words fail me +to speak of the gift, can you wonder if I apostrophise the Giver?" + +Jane looked steadily into his shining eyes, and a smile of pleasure +illumined her own. "So you liked my song?" she said. + +"Liked--liked your song?" repeated Garth, a shade of perplexity +crossing his face. "I do not know whether I liked your song." + +"Then why this flattering demonstration?" inquired Jane, laughing. + +"Because," said Garth, very low, "you lifted the veil, and I--I passed +within." + +He was still holding her hands in his; and, as he spoke the last two +words, he turned them gently over and, bending, kissed each palm with +an indescribably tender reverence; then, loosing them, stood on one +side, and Jane went out on to the terrace alone. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +GARTH FINDS HIS ROSARY + + +Jane spent but a very few minutes in the drawing-room that evening. The +fun in progress there was not to her taste, and the praises heaped upon +herself annoyed her. Also she wanted the quiet of her own room in order +to think over that closing episode of the concert, which had taken +place between herself and Garth, behind the scenes. She did not feel +certain how to take it. She was conscious that it held an element which +she could not fathom, and Garth's last act had awakened in herself +feelings which she did not understand. She extremely disliked the way +in which he had kissed her hands; and yet he had put into the action +such a passion of reverent worship that it gave her a sense of +consecration--of being, as it were, set apart to minister always to the +hearts of men in that perfect gift of melody which should uplift and +ennoble. She could not lose the sensation of the impress of his lips +upon the palms of her hands. It was as if he had left behind something +tangible and abiding. She caught herself looking at them anxiously once +or twice, and the third time this happened she determined to go to her +room. + +The duchess was at the piano, completely hidden from view by nearly the +whole of her house party, crowding round in fits of delighted laughter. +Ronnie had just broken through from the inmost circle to fetch an +antimacassar; and Billy, to dash to the writing-table for a sheet of +note-paper. Jane knew the note-paper meant a clerical dog collar, and +she concluded something had been worn which resembled an antimacassar. + +She turned rather wearily and moved towards the door. Quiet and +unobserved though her retreat had been, Garth was at the door before +her. She did not know how he got there; for, as she turned to leave the +room, she had seen his sleek head close to Myra Ingleby's on the +further side of the duchess's crowd. He opened the door and Jane passed +out. She felt equally desirous of saying two things to him,--either: +"How dared you behave in so unconventional a way?" or: "Tell me just +what you want me to do, and I will do it." + +She said neither. + +Garth followed her into the hall, lighted a candle, and threw the match +at Tommy; then handed her the silver candlestick. He was looking +absurdly happy. Jane felt annoyed with him for parading this gladness, +which she had unwittingly caused and in which she had no share. Also +she felt she must break this intimate silence. It was saying so much +which ought not to be said, since it could not be spoken. She took her +candle rather aggressively and turned upon the second step. + +"Good-night, Dal," she said. "And do you know that you are missing the +curate?" + +He looked up at her. His eyes shone in the light of her candle. + +"No," he said. "I am neither missing nor missed. I was only waiting in +there until you went up. I shall not go back. I am going out into the +park now to breathe in the refreshing coolness of the night breeze. And +I am going to stand under the oaks and tell my beads. I did not know I +had a rosary, until to-night, but I have--I have!" + +"I should say you have a dozen," remarked Jane, dryly. + +"Then you would be wrong," replied Garth. "I have just one. But it has +many hours. I shall be able to call them all to mind when I get out +there alone. I am going to 'count each pearl.'" + +"How about the cross?" asked Jane. + +"I have not reached that yet," answered Garth. "There is no cross to my +rosary." + +"I fear there is a cross to every true rosary, Dal," said Jane gently, +"and I also fear it will go hard with you when you find yours." + +But Garth was confident and unafraid. + +"When I find mine," he said, "I hope I shall be able to"-- +Involuntarily Jane looked at her hands. He saw the look and smiled, +though he had the grace to colour beneath his tan,--"to FACE the +cross," he said. + +Jane turned and began to mount the stairs; but Garth arrested her with +an eager question. + +"Just one moment, Miss Champion! There is something I want to ask you. +May I? Will you think me impertinent, presuming, inquisitive?" + +"I have no doubt I shall," said Jane. "But I am thinking you all sorts +of unusual things to-night; so three adjectives more or less will not +matter much. You may ask." + +"Miss Champion, have YOU a rosary?" + +Jane looked at him blankly; then suddenly understood the drift of his +question. + +"My dear boy, NO!" she said. "Thank goodness, I have kept clear of +'memories that bless and burn.' None of these things enter into my +rational and well-ordered life, and I have no wish that they should." + +"Then," deliberated Garth, "how came you to sing THE ROSARY as if each +line were your own experience; each joy or pain a thing--long passed, +perhaps--but your own?" + +"Because," explained Jane, "I always live in a song when I sing it. Did +I not tell you the lesson I learned over the CHANT HINDOU? Therefore I +had a rosary undoubtedly when I was singing that song to-night. But, +apart from that, in the sense you mean, no, thank goodness, I have +none." + +Garth mounted two steps, bringing his eyes on a level with the +candlestick. + +"But IF you cared," he said, speaking very low, "that is how you would +care? that is as you would feel?" + +Jane considered. "Yes," she said, "IF I cared, I suppose I should care +just so, and feel as I felt during those few minutes." + +"Then it was YOU in the song, although the circumstances are not yours?" + +"Yes, I suppose so," Jane replied, "if we can consider ourselves apart +from our circumstances. But surely this is rather an unprofitable +'air-ball.' Goodnight, 'Master Garthie!'" + +"I say, Miss Champion! Just one thing more. Will you sing for me +to-morrow? Will you come to the music-room and sing all the lovely +things I want to hear? And will you let me play a few of your +accompaniments? Ah, promise you will come. And promise to sing whatever +I ask, and I won't bother you any more now." + +He stood looking up at her, waiting for her promise, with such +adoration shining in his eyes that Jane was startled and more than a +little troubled. Then suddenly it seemed to her that she had found the +key, and she hastened to explain it to herself and to him. + +"Oh, you dear boy!" she said. "What an artist you are! And how +difficult it is for us commonplace, matter-of-fact people to understand +the artistic temperament. Here you go, almost turning my steady old +head by your rapture over what seemed to you perfection of sound which +has reached you through the ear; just as, again and again, you worship +at the shrine of perfection of form, which reaches you through the eye. +I begin to understand how it is you turn the heads of women when you +paint them. However, you are very delightful in your delight, and I +want to go up to bed. So I promise to sing all you want and as much as +you wish to-morrow. Now keep your promise and don't bother me any more +to-night. Don't spend the whole night in the park, and try not to +frighten the deer. No, I do not need any assistance with my candle, and +I am quite used to going upstairs by myself, thank you. Can't you hear +what personal and appropriate remarks Tommy is making down there? Now +do run away, Master Garthie, and count your pearls. And if you suddenly +come upon a cross--remember, the cross can, in all probability, be +persuaded to return to Chicago!" + +Jane was still smiling as she entered her room and placed her +candlestick on the dressing-table. + +Overdene was lighted solely by lamps and candles. The duchess refused +to modernise it by the installation of electric light. But candles +abounded, and Jane, who liked a brilliant illumination, proceeded to +light both candles in the branches on either side of the dressing-table +mirror, and in the sconces on the wall beside the mantelpiece, and in +the tall silver candlesticks upon the writing-table. Then she seated +herself in a comfortable arm-chair, reached for her writing-case, took +out her diary and a fountain pen, and prepared to finish the day's +entry. She wrote, "SANG 'THE ROSARY' AT AUNT 'GINA'S CONCERT IN PLACE +OF VELMA, FAILED (LARYNGITIS)," and came to a full stop. + +Somehow the scene with Garth was difficult to record, and the +sensations which still remained therefrom, absolutely unwritable. Jane +sat and pondered the situation, content to allow the page to remain +blank. + +Before she rose, locked her book, and prepared for rest, she had, to +her own satisfaction, clearly explained the whole thing. Garth's +artistic temperament was the basis of the argument; and, alas, the +artistic temperament is not a very firm foundation, either for a +theory, or for the fabric of a destiny. However, FAUTE DE MIEUX, Jane +had to accept it as main factor in her mental adjustment, thus: This +vibrant emotion in Garth, so strangely disturbing to her own solid +calm, was in no sense personal to herself, excepting in so far as her +voice and musical gifts were concerned. Just as the sight of paintable +beauty crazed him with delight, making him wild with alternate hope and +despair until he obtained his wish and had his canvas and his sitter +arranged to his liking; so now, his passion for the beautiful had been +awakened, this time through the medium, not of sight, but of sound. +When she had given him his fill of song, and allowed him to play some +of her accompaniments, he would be content, and that disquieting look +of adoration would pass from those beautiful brown eyes. Meanwhile it +was pleasant to look forward to to-morrow, though it behooved her to +remember that all this admiration had in it nothing personal to +herself. He would have gone into even greater raptures over Madame +Blanche, for instance, who had the same timbre of voice and method of +singing, combined with a beauty of person which delighted the eye the +while her voice enchanted the ear. Certainly Garth must see and hear +her, as music appeared to mean so much to him. Jane began planning +this, and then her mind turned to Pauline Lister, the lovely American +girl, whose name had been coupled with Garth Dalmain's all the season. +Jane felt certain she was just the wife he needed. Her loveliness would +content him, her shrewd common-sense and straightforward, practical +ways would counterbalance his somewhat erratic temperament, and her +adaptability would enable her to suit herself to his surroundings, both +in his northern home and amongst his large circle of friends down +south. Once married, he would give up raving about Flower and Myra, and +kissing people's hands in that--"absurd way," Jane was going to say, +but she was invariably truthful, even in her thoughts, and substituted +"extraordinary" as the more correct adjective--in that extraordinary +way. + +She sat forward in her chair with her elbows on her knees, and held her +large hands before her, palms upward, realising again the sensations of +that moment. Then she pulled herself up sharply. "Jane Champion, don't +be a fool! You would wrong that dear, beauty-loving boy, more than you +would wrong yourself, if you took him for one moment seriously. His +homage to-night was no more personal to you than his appreciation of +the excellent dinner was personal to Aunt Georgina's chef. In his +enjoyment of the production, the producer was included; but that was +all. Be gratified at the success of your art, and do not spoil that +success by any absurd sentimentality. Now wash your very ungainly hands +and go to bed." Thus Jane to herself. + + * * * * * + +And under the oaks, with soft turf beneath his feet, stood Garth +Dalmain, the shy deer sleeping around unconscious of his presence; the +planets above, hanging like lamps in the deep purple of the sky. And +he, also, soliloquised. + +"I have found her," he said, in low tones of rapture, "the ideal woman, +the crown of womanhood, the perfect mate for the spirit, soul, and body +of the man who can win her.--Jane! Jane! Ah, how blind I have been! To +have known her for years, and yet not realised her to be this. But she +lifted the veil, and I passed in. Ah grand, noble heart! She will never +be able to draw the veil again between her soul and mine. And she has +no rosary. I thank God for that. No other man possesses, or has ever +possessed, that which I desire more than I ever desired anything upon +this earth, Jane's love, Jane's tenderness. Ah, what will it mean? 'I +count each pearl.' She WILL count them some day--her pearls and mine. +God spare us the cross. Must there be a cross to every true rosary? +Then God give me the heavy end, and may the mutual bearing of it bind +us together. Ah, those dear hands! Ah, those true steadfast eyes! ... +Jane!--Jane! Surely it has always been Jane, though I did not know it, +blind fool that I have been! But one thing I know: whereas I was blind, +now I see. And it will always be Jane from this night onward through +time and-please God--into eternity." + +The night breeze stirred his thick dark hair, and his eyes, as he +raised them, shone in the starlight. + + * * * * * + +And Jane, almost asleep, was roused by the tapping of her blind against +the casement, and murmured "Anything you wish, Garth, just tell me, and +I will do it." Then awakening suddenly to the consciousness of what she +had said, she sat up in the darkness and scolded herself furiously. +"Oh, you middle-aged donkey! You call yourself staid and sensible, and +a little flattery from a boy of whom you are fond turns your head +completely. Come to your senses at once; or leave Overdene by the first +train in the morning." + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +ADDED PEARLS + + +The days which followed were golden days to Jane. There was nothing to +spoil the enjoyment of a very new and strangely sweet experience. + +Garth's manner the next morning held none of the excitement or outward +demonstration which had perplexed and troubled her the evening before. +He was very quiet, and seemed to Jane older than she had ever known +him. He had very few lapses into his seven-year-old mood, even with the +duchess; and when someone chaffingly asked him whether he was +practising the correct deportment of a soon-to-be-married man, + +"Yes," said Garth quietly, "I am." + +"Will she be at Shenstone?" inquired Ronald; for several of the +duchess's party were due at Lady Ingleby's for the following week-end. + +"Yes," said Garth, "she will." + +"Oh, lor'!" cried Billy, dramatically. "Prithee, Benedict, are we to +take this seriously?" + +But Jane who, wrapped in the morning paper, sat near where Garth was +standing, came out from behind it to look up at him and say, so that +only he heard it "Oh, Dal, I am so glad! Did you make up your mind last +night?" + +"Yes," said Garth, turning so that he spoke to her alone, "last night." + +"Did our talk in the afternoon have something to do with it?" + +"No, nothing whatever." + +"Was it THE ROSARY?" + +He hesitated; then said, without looking at her: "The revelation of THE +ROSARY? Yes." + +To Jane his mood of excitement was now fully explained, and she could +give herself up freely to the enjoyment of this new phase in their +friendship, for the hours of music together were a very real delight. +Garth was more of a musician than she had known, and she enjoyed his +clean, masculine touch on the piano, unblurred by slur or pedal; more +delicate than her own, where delicacy was required. What her voice was +to him during those wonderful hours he did not express in words, for +after that first evening he put a firm restraint upon his speech. Under +the oaks he had made up his mind to wait a week before speaking, and he +waited. + +But the new and strangely sweet experience to Jane was that of being +absolutely first to some one. In ways known only to himself and to her +Garth made her feel this. There was nothing for any one else to notice, +and yet she knew perfectly well that she never came into the room +without his being instantly conscious that she was there; that she +never left a room, without being at once missed by him. His attentions +were so unobtrusive and tactful that no one else realised them. They +called forth no chaff from friends and no "Hoity-toity! What now?" from +the duchess. And yet his devotion seemed always surrounding her. For +the first time in her life Jane was made to feel herself FIRST in the +whole thought of another. It made him seem strangely her own. She took +a pleasure and pride in all he said, and did, and was; and in the hours +they spent together in the music-room she learned to know him and to +understand that enthusiastic beauty-loving, irresponsible nature, as +she had never understood it before. + +The days were golden, and the parting at night was sweet, because it +gave an added zest to the pleasure of meeting in the morning. And yet +during these golden days the thought of love, in the ordinary sense of +the word, never entered Jane's mind. Her ignorance in this matter +arose, not so much from inexperience, as from too large an experience +of the travesty of the real thing; an experience which hindered her +from recognising love itself, now that love in its most ideal form was +drawing near. + +Jane had not come through a dozen seasons without receiving nearly a +dozen proposals of marriage. An heiress, independent of parents and +guardians, of good blood and lineage, a few proposals of a certain type +were inevitable. Middle-aged men--becoming bald and grey; tired of +racketing about town; with beautiful old country places and an +unfortunate lack of the wherewithal to keep them up--proposed to the +Honourable Jane Champion in a business-like way, and the Honourable +Jane looked them up and down, and through and through, until they felt +very cheap, and then quietly refused them, in an equally business-like +way. + +Two or three nice boys, whom she had pulled out of scrapes and set on +their feet again after hopeless croppers, had thought, in a wave of +maudlin gratitude, how good it would be for a fellow always to have her +at hand to keep him straight and tell him what he ought to do, don't +you know? and--er--well, yes--pay his debts, and be a sort of +mother-who-doesn't scold kind of person to him; and had caught hold of +her kind hand, and implored her to marry them. Jane had slapped them if +they ventured to touch her, and recommended them not to be silly. + +One solemn proposal she had had quite lately from the bachelor rector +of a parish adjoining Overdene. He had often inflicted wearisome +conversations upon her; and when he called, intending to put the +momentous question, Jane, who was sitting at her writing-table in the +Overdene drawing-room, did not see any occasion to move from it. If the +rector became too prosy, she could surreptitiously finish a few notes. +He sank into a deep arm-chair close to the writing-table, crossed his +somewhat bandy legs one over the other, made the tips of his fingers +meet with unctuous accuracy, and intoned the opening sentences of his +proposition. Jane, sharpening pencils and sorting nibs, apparently only +caught the drift of what he was saying, for when he had chanted the +phrase, "Not alone from selfish motives, my dear Miss Champion; but for +the good of my parish; for the welfare of my flock, for the advancement +of the work of the church in our midst," Jane opened a despatch-box and +drew out her cheque-book. + +"I shall be delighted to subscribe, Mr. Bilberry," she said. "Is it for +a font, a pulpit, new hymn-books, or what?" + +"My dear lady," said the rector tremulously, "you misunderstand me. My +desire is to lead you to the altar." + +"Dear Mr. Bilberry," said Jane Champion, "that would be quite +unnecessary. From any part of your church the fact that you need a new +altar-cloth is absolutely patent to all comers. I will, with the +greatest pleasure, give you a cheque for ten pounds towards it. I have +attended your church rather often lately because I enjoy a long, quiet +walk by myself through the woods. And now I am sure you would like to +see my aunt before you go. She is in the aviary, feeding her foreign +birds. If you go out by that window and pass along the terrace to your +left, you will find the aviary and the duchess. I would suggest the +advisability of not mentioning this conversation to my aunt. She does +not approve of elaborate altar-cloths, and would scold us both, and +insist on the money being spent in providing boots for the school +children. No, please do not thank me. I am really glad of an +opportunity of helping on your excellent work in this neighbourhood." + +Jane wondered once or twice whether the cheque would be cashed. She +would have liked to receive it back by post, torn in half; with a few +wrathful lines of manly indignation. But when it returned to her in due +course from her bankers, it was indorsed P. BILBERRY, in a neat +scholarly hand, without even a dash of indignation beneath it; and she +threw it into the waste-paper basket, with rather a bitter smile. + +These were Jane's experiences of offers of marriage. She had never been +loved for her own sake; she had never felt herself really first in the +heart and life of another. And now, when the adoring love of a man's +whole being was tenderly, cautiously beginning to surround and envelop +her, she did not recognise the reason of her happiness or of his +devotion. She considered him the avowed lover of another woman, with +whose youth and loveliness she would not have dreamed of competing; and +she regarded this closeness of intimacy between herself and Garth as a +development of a friendship more beautiful than she had hitherto +considered possible. + +Thus matters stood when Tuesday arrived and the Overdene party broke +up. Jane went to town to spend a couple of days with the Brands. Garth +went straight to Shenstone, where he had been asked expressly to meet +Miss Lister and her aunt, Mrs. Parker Bangs. Jane was due at Shenstone +on Friday for the week-end. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +LADY INGLEBY'S HOUSE PARTY + + +As Jane took her seat and the train moved out of the London terminus +she leaned back in her corner with a sigh of satisfaction. Somehow +these days in town had seemed insufferably long. Jane reviewed them +thoughtfully, and sought the reason. They had been filled with +interests and engagements; and the very fact of being in town, as a +rule, contented her. Why had she felt so restless and dissatisfied and +lonely? + +From force of habit she had just stopped at the railway book-stall for +her usual pile of literature. Her friends always said Jane could not go +even the shortest journey without at least half a dozen papers. But now +they lay unheeded on the seat in front of her. Jane was considering her +Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, and wondering why they had merely +been weary stepping-stones to Friday. And here was Friday at last, and +once in the train en route for Shenstone, she began to feel happy and +exhilarated. What had been the matter with these three days? Flower had +been charming; Deryck, his own friendly, interesting self; little +Dicky, delightful; and Baby Blossom, as sweet as only Baby Blossom +could be. What was amiss? + +"I know," said Jane. "Of course! Why did I not realise it before? I had +too much music during those last days at Overdene; and SUCH music! I +have been suffering from a surfeit of music, and the miss of it has +given me this blank feeling of loneliness. No doubt we shall have +plenty at Myra's, and Dal will be there to clamour for it if Myra fails +to suggest it." + +With a happy little smile of pleasurable anticipation, Jane took up the +SPECTATOR, and was soon absorbed in an article on the South African +problem. + +Myra met her at the station, driving ponies tandem. A light cart was +also there for the maid and baggage; and, without losing a moment, Jane +and her hostess were off along the country lane at a brisk trot. + +The fields and woods were an exquisite restful green in the afternoon +sunshine. Wild roses clustered in the hedges. The last loads of hay +were being carted in. There was an ecstasy in the songs of the birds +and a transporting sense of sweetness about all the sights and scents +of the country, such as Jane had never experienced so vividly before. +She drew a deep breath and exclaimed, almost involuntarily: "Ah! it is +good to be here!" + +"You dear!" said Lady Ingleby, twirling her whip and nodding in +gracious response to respectful salutes from the hay-field. "It is a +comfort to have you! I always feel you are like the bass of a +tune--something so solid and satisfactory and beneath one in case of a +crisis. I hate crises. They are so tiring. As I say: Why can't things +always go on as they are? They are as they were, and they were as they +will be, if only people wouldn't bother. However, I am certain nothing +could go far wrong when YOU are anywhere near." + +Myra flicked the leader, who was inclined to "sugar," and they flew +along between the high hedges, brushing lightly against overhanging +masses of honeysuckle and wild clematis. Jane snatched a spray of the +clematis, in passing. "'Traveller's joy,'" she said, with that same +quiet smile of glad anticipation, and put the white blossom in her +buttonhole. + +"Well," continued Lady Ingleby, "my house party is going on quite +satisfactorily. Oh, and, Jane, there seems no doubt about Dal. How +pleased I shall be if it comes off under my wing! The American girl is +simply exquisite, and so vivacious and charming. And Dal has quite +given up being silly--not that _I_ ever thought him silly, but I know +YOU did--and is very quiet and pensive; really were it any one but he, +one would almost say 'dull.' And they roam about together in the most +approved fashion. I try to get the aunt to make all her remarks to me. +I am so afraid of her putting Dal off. He is so fastidious. I have +promised Billy anything, up to the half of my kingdom, if he will sit +at the feet of Mrs. Parker Bangs and listen to her wisdom, answer her +questions, and keep her away from Dal. Billy is being so abjectly +devoted in his attentions to Mrs. Parker Bangs that I begin to have +fears lest he intends asking me to kiss him; in which case I shall hand +him over to you to chastise. You manage these boys so splendidly. I +fully believe Dal will propose to Pauline Lister tonight. I can't +imagine why he didn't last night. There was a most perfect moon, and +they went on the lake. What more COULD Dal want?--a lake, and a moon, +and that lovely girl! Billy took Mrs. Parker Bangs in a double canoe +and nearly upset her through laughing so much at the things she said +about having to sit flat on the bottom. But he paddled her off to the +opposite side of the lake from Dal and her niece, which was all we +wanted. Mrs. Parker Bangs asked me afterwards whether Billy is a +widower. Now what do you suppose she meant by that?" + +"I haven't the faintest idea," said Jane. "But I am delighted to hear +about Dal and Miss Lister. She is just the girl for him, and she will +soon adapt herself to his ways and needs. Besides, Dal MUST have +flawless loveliness, and really he gets it there." + +"He does indeed," said Myra. "You should have seen her last night, in +white satin, with wild roses in her hair. I cannot imagine why Dal did +not rave. But perhaps it is a good sign that he should take things more +quietly. I suppose he is making up his mind." + +"No," said Jane. "I believe he did that at Overdene. But it means a lot +to him. He takes marriage very seriously. Whom have you at Shenstone?" + +Lady Ingleby told off a list of names. Jane knew them all. + +"Delightful!" she said. "Oh! how glad I am to be here! London has been +so hot and so dull. I never thought it hot or dull before. I feel a +renegade. Ah! there is the lovely little church! I want to hear the new +organ. I was glad your nice parson remembered me and let me have a +share in it. Has it two manuals or three?" + +"Half a dozen I think," said Lady Ingleby, "and you work them up and +down with your feet. But I judged it wiser to leave them alone when I +played for the children's service one Sunday. You never know quite what +will happen if you touch those mechanical affairs." + +"Don't you mean the composition pedals?" suggested Jane. + +"I dare say I do," said Myra placidly. "Those things underneath, like +foot-rests, which startle you horribly if you accidentally kick them." + +Jane smiled at the thought of how Garth would throw back his head and +shout, if she told him of this conversation. Lady Ingleby's musical +remarks always amused her friends. + +They passed the village church on the green, ivy-clad, picturesque, +and, half a minute later, swerved in at the park gates. Myra saw Jane +glance at the gate-post they had just shaved, and laughed. "A miss is +as good as a mile," she said, as they dashed up the long drive between +the elms, "as I told dear mamma, when she expostulated wrathfully with +me for what she called my 'furious driving' the other day. By the way, +Jane, dear mamma has been quite CORDIAL lately. By the time I am +seventy and she is ninety-eight I think she will begin to be almost +fond of me. Here we are. Do notice Lawson. He is new, and such a nice +man. He sings so well, and plays the concertina a little, and teaches +in the Sunday-school, and speaks really quite excellently at temperance +meetings. He is extremely fond of mowing the lawns, and my maid tells +me he is studying French with her. The only thing he seems really +incapable of being, is an efficient butler; which is so unfortunate, as +I like him far too well ever to part with him. Michael says I have a +perfectly fatal habit of LIKING PEOPLE, and of encouraging them to do +the things they do well and enjoy doing, instead of the things they +were engaged to do. I suppose I have; but I do like my household to be +happy." + +They alighted, and Myra trailed into the hall with a lazy grace which +gave no indication of the masterly way she had handled her ponies, but +rather suggested stepping from a comfortable seat in a barouche. Jane +looked with interest at the man-servant who came forward and deftly +assisted them. He had not quite the air of a butler but neither could +she imagine him playing a concertina or haranguing a temperance meeting +and he acquitted himself quite creditably. + +"Oh, that was not Lawson," explained Myra, as she led the way upstairs. +"I had forgotten. He had to go to the vicarage this afternoon to see +the vicar about a 'service of song' they are getting up. That was Tom, +but we call him 'Jephson' in the house. He was one of Michael's stud +grooms, but he is engaged to one of the housemaids, and I found he so +very much preferred being in the house, so I have arranged for him to +understudy Lawson, and he is growing side whiskers. I shall have to +break it to Michael on his return from Norway. This way, Jane. We have +put you in the Magnolia room. I knew you would enjoy the view of the +lake. Oh, I forgot to tell you, a tennis tournament is in progress. I +must hasten to the courts. Tea will be going on there, under the +chestnuts. Dal and Ronnie are to play the final for the men's singles. +It ought to be a fine match. It was to come on at about half-past four. +Don't wait to do any changings. Your maid and your luggage can't be +here just yet." + +"Thanks," said Jane; "I always travel in country clothes, and have done +so to-day, as you see. I will just get rid of the railway dust, and +follow you." + +Ten minutes later, guided by sounds of cheering and laughter, Jane made +her way through the shrubbery to the tennis lawns. The whole of Lady +Ingleby's house party was assembled there, forming a picturesque group +under the white and scarlet chestnut-trees. Beyond, on the beautifully +kept turf of the court, an exciting set was in progress. As she +approached, Jane could distinguish Garth's slim, agile figure, in white +flannels and the violet shirt; and young Ronnie, huge and powerful, +trusting to the terrific force of his cuts and drives to counterbalance +Garth's keener eye and swifter turn of wrist. + +It was a fine game. Garth had won the first set by six to four, and now +the score stood at five to four in Ronnie's favour; but this game was +Garth's service, and he was almost certain to win it. The score would +then be "games all." + +Jane walked along the line of garden chairs to where she saw a vacant +one near Myra. She was greeted with delight, but hurriedly, by the +eager watchers of the game. + +Suddenly a howl went up. Garth had made two faults. + +Jane found her chair, and turned her attention to the game. Almost +instantly shrieks of astonishment and surprise again arose. Garth had +served INTO the net and OVER the line. Game and set were Ronnie's. + +"One all," remarked Billy. "Well! I never saw Dal do THAT before. +However; it gives us the bliss of watching another set. They are +splendidly matched. Dal is lightning, and Ronnie thunder." + +The players crossed over, Garth rather white beneath his tan. He was +beyond words vexed with himself for failing in his service, at that +critical juncture. Not that he minded losing the set; but it seemed to +him it must be patent to the whole crowd, that it was the sight, out of +the tail of his eye, of a tall grey figure moving quietly along the +line of chairs, which for a moment or two set earth and sky whirling, +and made a confused blur of net and lines. As a matter of fact, only +one of the onlookers connected Garth's loss of the game with Jane's +arrival, and she was the lovely girl, seated exactly opposite the net, +with whom he exchanged a smile and a word as he crossed to the other +side of the court. + +The last set proved the most exciting of the three. Nine hard-fought +games, five to Garth, four to Ronnie. And now Ronnie was serving, and +fighting hard to make it games-all. Over and over enthusiastic +partisans of both shouted "Deuce!" and then when Garth had won the +"vantage," a slashing over-hand service from Ronnie beat him, and it +was "deuce" again. + +"Don't it make one giddy?" said Mrs. Parker Bangs to Billy, who +reclined on the sward at her feet. "I should say it has gone on long +enough. And they must both be wanting their tea. It would have been +kind in Mr. Dalmain to have let that ball pass, anyway." + +"Yes, wouldn't it?" said Billy earnestly. "But you see, Dal is not +naturally kind. Now, if I had been playing against Ronnie, I should +have let those over-hand balls of his pass long ago." + +"I am sure you would," said Mrs. Parker Bangs, approvingly; while Jane +leaned over, at Myra's request, and pinched Billy. + +Slash went Ronnie's racket. "Deuce! deuce!" shouted half a dozen voices. + +"They shouldn't say that," remarked Mrs. Parker Bangs, "even if they +are mad about it." + +Billy hugged his knees, delightedly; looking up at her with an +expression of seraphic innocence. + +"No. Isn't it sad?" he murmured. "I never say naughty words when I +play. I always say 'Game love.' It sounds so much nicer, I think." + +Jane pinched again, but Billy's rapt gaze at Mrs. Parker Bangs +continued. + +"Billy," said Myra sternly, "go into the hall and fetch my scarlet +sunshade. Yes, I dare say you WILL miss the finish," she added in a +stern whisper, as he leaned over her chair, remonstrating; "but you +richly deserve it." + +"I have made up my mind what to ask, dear queen," whispered Billy as he +returned, breathless, three minutes later and laid the parasol in Lady +Ingleby's lap. "You promised me anything, up to the half of your +kingdom. I will have the head of Mrs. Parker Bangs in a charger." + +"Oh, shut up, Billy!" exclaimed Jane, "and get out of the light! We +missed that last stroke. What is the score?" + +Once again it was Garth's vantage, and once again Ronnie's arm swung +high for an untakable smasher. + +"Play up, Dal!" cried a voice, amid the general hubbub. + +Garth knew that dear voice. He did not look in its direction, but he +smiled. The next moment his arm shot out like a flash of lightning. The +ball touched ground on Ronnie's side of the net and shot the length of +the court without rising. Ronnie's wild scoop at it was hopeless. Game +and set were Garth's. + +They walked off the ground together, their rackets under their arms, +the flush of a well-contested fight on their handsome faces. It had +been so near a thing that both could sense the thrill of victory. + +Pauline Lister had been sitting with Garth's coat on her lap, and his +watch and chain were in her keeping. He paused a moment to take them up +and receive her congratulations; then, slipping on his coat, and +pocketing his watch, came straight to Jane. + +"How do you do, Miss Champion?" + +His eyes sought hers eagerly; and the welcoming gladness he saw in them +filled him with certainty and content. He had missed her so unutterably +during these days. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday had just been weary +stepping-stones to Friday. It seemed incredible that one person's +absence could make so vast a difference. And yet how perfect that it +should be so; and that they should both realise it, now the day had +come when he intended to tell her how desperately he wanted her always. +Yes, that they should BOTH realise it--for he felt certain Jane had +also experienced the blank. A thing so complete and overwhelming as the +miss of her had been to him could not be one-sided. And how well worth +the experience of these lonely days if they had thereby learned +something of what TOGETHER meant, now the words were to be spoken which +should insure forever no more such partings. + +All this sped through Garth's mind as he greeted Jane with that most +commonplace of English greetings, the everlasting question which never +receives an answer. But from Garth, at that moment, it did not sound +commonplace to Jane, and she answered it quite frankly and fully. She +wanted above all things to tell him exactly how she did; to hear all +about himself, and compare notes on the happenings of these three +interminable days; and to take up their close comradeship again, +exactly where it had left off. Her hand went home to his with that firm +completeness of clasp, which always made a hand shake with Jane such a +satisfactory and really friendly thing. + +"Very fit, thank you, Dal," she answered. "At least I am every moment +improving in health and spirits, now I have arrived here at last." + +Garth stood his racket against the arm of her chair and deposited +himself full length on the grass beside her, leaning on his elbow. + +"Was anything wrong with London?" he asked, rather low, not looking up +at her, but at the smart brown shoe, planted firmly on the grass so +near his hand. "Nothing was wrong with London," replied Jane frankly; +"it was hot and dusty of course, but delightful as usual. Something was +wrong with ME; and you will be ashamed of me, Dal, if I confess what it +was." + +Garth did not look up, but assiduously picked little blades of grass +and laid them in a pattern on Jane's shoe. This conversation would have +been exactly to the point had they been alone. But was Jane really +going to announce to the assembled company, in that dear, resonant, +carrying voice of hers, the sweet secret of their miss of one another? + +"Liver?" inquired Mrs. Parker Bangs suddenly. + +"Muffins!" exclaimed Billy instantly, and, rushing for them, almost +shot them into her lap in the haste with which he handed them, +stumbling headlong over Garth's legs at the same moment. + +Jane stared at Mrs. Parker Bangs and her muffins; then looked down at +the top of Garth's dark head, bent low over the grass. + +"I was dull," she said, "intolerably dull. And Dal always says 'only a +dullard is dull.' But I diagnosed my dulness in the train just now and +found it was largely his fault. Do you hear, Dal?" + +Garth lifted his head and looked at her, realising in that moment that +it was, after all, possible for a complete and overwhelming experience +to be one-sided. Jane's calm grey eyes were full of gay friendliness. + +"It was your fault, my dear boy," said Jane. + +"How so?" queried Garth; and though there was a deep flush on his +sunburned face, his voice was quietly interrogative. + +"Because, during those last days at Overdene, you led me on into a time +of musical dissipation such as I had never known before, and I missed +it to a degree which was positively alarming. I began to fear for the +balance of my well-ordered mind." + +"Well," said Myra, coming out from behind her red parasol, "you and Dal +can have orgies of music here if you want them. You will find a piano +in the drawing-room and another in the hall, and a Bechstein grand in +the billiard-room. That is where I hold the practices for the men and +maids. I could not make up my mind which makers I really preferred, +Erard, Broadwood, Collard, or Bechstein; so by degrees I collected one +of each. And after all I think I play best upon the little cottage +piano we had in the school-room at home. It stands in my boudoir now. I +seem more accustomed to its notes, or it lends itself better to my way +of playing." + +"Thank you, Myra," said Jane. "I fancy Dal and I will like the +Bechstein." + +"And if you want something really exciting in the way of music," +continued Lady Ingleby, "you might attend some of the rehearsals for +this 'service of song' they are getting up in aid of the organ deficit +fund. I believe they are attempting great things." + +"I would sooner pay off the whole deficit, than go within a mile of a +'service of song,'" said Jane emphatically. + +"Oh, no," put in Garth quickly, noting Myra's look of disappointment. +"It is so good for people to work off their own debts and earn the +things they need in their churches. And 'services of song' are +delightful if well done, as I am sure this will be if Lady Ingleby's +people are in it. Lawson outlined it to me this morning, and hummed all +the principal airs. It is highly dramatic. Robinson Crusoe--no, of +course not! What's the beggar's name? 'Uncle Tom's Cabin'? Yes, I knew +it was something black. Lawson is Uncle Tom, and the vicar's small +daughter is to be little Eva. Miss Champion, you will walk down with me +to the very next rehearsal." + +"Shall I?" said Jane, unconscious of how tender was the smile she gave +him; conscious only that in her own heart was the remembrance of the +evening at Overdene when she felt so inclined to say to him: "Tell me +just what you want me to do, and I will do it." + +"Pauline will just love to go with you," said Mrs. Parker Bangs. "She +dotes on rural music." + +"Rubbish, aunt!" said Miss Lister, who had slipped into an empty chair +near Myra. "I agree with Miss Champion about 'services of song,' and I +don't care for any music but the best." + +Jane turned to her quickly, with a cordial smile and her most friendly +manner. "Ah, but you must come," she said. "We will be victimised +together. And perhaps Dal and Lawson will succeed in converting us to +the cult of the 'service of song.' And anyway it will be amusing to +have Dal explain it to us. He will need the courage of his convictions." + +"Talking of something 'really exciting in the way of music,'" said +Pauline Lister, "we had it on board when we came over. There was a nice +friendly crowd on board the Arabic, and they arranged a concert for +half-past eight on the Thursday evening. We were about two hundred +miles off the coast of Ireland, and when we came up from dinner we had +run into a dense fog. At eight o'clock they started blowing the +fog-horn every half-minute, and while the fog-horn was sounding you +couldn't hear yourself speak. However, all the programmes were printed, +and it was our last night on board, so they concluded to have the +concert all the same. Down we all trooped into the saloon, and each +item of that programme was punctuated by the stentorian BOO of the +fog-horn every thirty seconds. You never heard anything so cute as the +way it came in, right on time. A man with a deep bass voice sang ROCKED +IN THE CRADLE OF THE DEEP, and each time he reached the refrain, 'And +calm and peaceful is my sle-eep,' BOO went the fog-horn, casting a +certain amount of doubt on our expectations of peaceful sleep that +night, anyway. Then a man with a sweet tenor sang OFT IN THE STILLY +NIGHT, and the fog-horn showed us just how oft, namely, every thirty +seconds. But the queerest effect of all was when a girl had to play a +piano-forte solo. It was something of Chopin's, full of runs and trills +and little silvery notes. She started all right; but when she was +half-way down the first page, BOO went the fog-horn, a longer blast +than usual. We saw her fingers flying, and the turning of the page, but +not a note could we hear; and when the old horn stopped and we could +hear the piano again, she had reached a place half-way down the second +page, and we hadn't heard what led to it. My! it was funny. That went +on all through. She was a plucky girl to stick to it. We gave her a +good round of applause when she had finished, and the fog-horn joined +in and drowned us. It was the queerest concert experience I ever had. +But we all enjoyed it. Only we didn't enjoy that noise keeping right on +until five o'clock next morning." + +Jane had turned in her chair, and listened with appreciative interest +while the lovely American girl talked, watching, with real delight, her +exquisite face and graceful gestures, and thinking how Dal must enjoy +looking at her when she talked with so much charm and animation. She +glanced down, trying to see the admiration in his eyes; but his head +was bent, and he was apparently absorbed in the occupation of tracing +the broguing of her shoes with the long stalk of a chestnut leaf. For a +moment she watched the slim brown hand, as carefully intent on this +useless task, as if working on a canvas; then she suddenly withdrew her +foot, feeling almost vexed with him for his inattention and apparent +indifference. + +Garth sat up instantly. "It must have been awfully funny," he said. +"And how well you told it. One could hear the fog-horn, and see the +dismayed faces of the performers. Like an earthquake, a fog-horn is the +sort of thing you don't ever get used to. It sounds worse every time. +Let's each tell the funniest thing we remember at a concert. I once +heard a youth recite Tennyson's Charge of the Light Brigade with much +dramatic action. But he was extremely nervous, and got rather mixed. In +describing the attitude of mind of the noble six hundred, he told us +impressively that it was" + + "'Theirs not to make reply; + Theirs not to do or die; + Theirs BUT TO REASON WHY.'" + +"The tone and action were all right, and I doubt whether many of the +audience noticed anything wrong with the words." + +"That reminds me," said Ronald Ingram, "of quite the funniest thing I +ever heard. It was at a Thanksgiving service when some of our troops +returned from South Africa. The proceedings concluded by the singing of +the National Anthem right through. You recollect how recently we had +had to make the change of pronoun, and how difficult it was to remember +not to shout:" + +"'Send HER victorious'? Well, there was a fellow just behind me, with a +tremendous voice, singing lustily, and taking special pains to get the +pronouns correct throughout. And when he reached the fourth line of the +second verse he sang with loyal fervour." + + "'Confound HIS politics, + Frustrate HIS knavish tricks!'" + +"That would amuse the King," said Lady Ingleby. "Are you sure it is a +fact, Ronnie?" + +"Positive! I could tell you the church, and the day, and call a whole +pewful of witnesses who were convulsed by it." + +"Well, I shall tell his Majesty at the next opportunity, and say you +heard it. But how about the tennis? What comes next? Final for couples? +Oh, yes! Dal, you and Miss Lister play Colonel Loraine and Miss +Vermount; and I think you ought to win fairly easily. You two are so +well matched. Jane, this will be worth watching." + +"I am sure it will," said Jane warmly, looking at the two, who had +risen and stood together in the evening sunlight, examining their +rackets and discussing possible tactics, while awaiting their +opponents. They made such a radiantly beautiful couple; it was as if +nature had put her very best and loveliest into every detail of each. +The only fault which could possibly have been found with the idea of +them wedded, was that her dark, slim beauty was so very much just a +feminine edition of his, that they might easily have been taken for +brother and sister; but this was not a fault which occurred to Jane. +Her whole-hearted admiration of Pauline increased every time she looked +at her; and now she had really seen them together, she felt sure she +had given wise advice to Garth, and rejoiced to know he was taking it. + + * * * * * + +Later on, as they strolled back to the house together,--she and Garth +alone,--Jane said, simply: "Dal, you will not mind if I ask? Is it +settled yet?" + +"I mind nothing you ask," Garth replied; "only be more explicit. Is +what settled?" + +"Are you and Miss Lister engaged?" + +"No," Garth answered. "What made you suppose we should be?" + +"You said at Overdene on Tuesday--TUESDAY! oh! doesn't it seem weeks +ago?--you said we were to take you seriously." + +"It seems years ago," said Garth; "and I sincerely hope you will take +me--seriously. All the same I have not proposed to Miss Lister; and I +am anxious for an undisturbed talk with you on the subject. Miss +Champion, after dinner to-night, when all the games and amusements are +in full swing, and we can escape unobserved, will you come out onto the +terrace with me, where I shall be able to speak to you without fear of +interruption? The moonlight on the lake is worth seeing from the +terrace. I spent an hour out there last night--ah, no; you are wrong +for once--I spent it alone, when the boating was over, and thought +of--how--to-night--we might be talking there together." + +"Certainly I will come," said Jane; "and you must feel free to tell me +anything you wish, and promise to let me advise or help in any way I +can." + +"I will tell you everything," said Garth very low, "and you shall +advise and help as ONLY you can." + + * * * * * + +Jane sat on her window-sill, enjoying the sunset and the exquisite +view, and glad of a quiet half-hour before she need think of summoning +her maid. Immediately below her ran the terrace, wide and gravelled, +bounded by a broad stone parapet, behind which was a drop of eight or +ten feet to the old-fashioned garden, with quaint box-bordered +flower-beds, winding walks, and stone fountains. Beyond, a stretch of +smooth lawn sloping down to the lake, which now lay, a silver mirror, +in the soft evening light. The stillness was so perfect; the sense of +peace, so all-pervading. Jane held a book on her knee, but she was not +reading. She was looking away to the distant woods beyond the lake; +then to the pearly sky above, flecked with rosy clouds and streaked +with gleams of gold; and a sense of content, and gladness, and +well-being, filled her. + +Presently she heard a light step on the gravel below and leaned forward +to see to whom it belonged. Garth had come out of the smoking-room and +walked briskly to and fro, once or twice. Then he threw himself into a +wicker seat just beneath her window, and sat there, smoking +meditatively. The fragrance of his cigarette reached Jane, up among the +magnolia blossoms. "'Zenith,' Marcovitch," she said to herself, and +smiled. "Packed in jolly green boxes, twelve shillings a hundred! I +must remember in case I want to give him a Christmas present. By then +it will be difficult to find anything which has not already been +showered upon him." + +Garth flung away the end of his cigarette, and commenced humming below +his breath; then gradually broke into words and sang softly, in his +sweet barytone: + + "'It is not mine to sing the stately grace, + The great soul beaming in my lady's face.'" + +The tones, though quiet, were so vibrant with passionate feeling, that +Jane felt herself an eavesdropper. She hastily picked a large magnolia +leaf and, leaning out, let it fall upon his head. Garth started, and +looked up. "Hullo!" he said. "YOU--up there?" + +"Yes," said Jane, laughing down at him, and speaking low lest other +casements should be open, "I--up here. You are serenading the wrong +window, dear 'devout lover.'" + +"What a lot you know about it," remarked Garth, rather moodily. + +"Don't I?" whispered Jane. "But you must not mind, Master Garthie, +because you know how truly I care. In old Margery's absence, you must +let me be mentor." + +Garth sprang up and stood erect, looking up at her, half-amused, +half-defiant. + +"Shall I climb the magnolia?" he said. "I have heaps to say to you +which cannot be shouted to the whole front of the house." + +"Certainly not," replied Jane. "I don't want any Romeos coming in at my +window. 'Hoity-toity! What next?' as Aunt 'Gina would say. Run along +and change your pinafore, Master Garthie. The 'heaps of things' must +keep until to-night, or we shall both be late for dinner." + +"All right," said Garth, "all right. But you will come out here this +evening, Miss Champion? And you will give me as long as I want?" + +"I will come as soon as we can possibly escape," replied Jane; "and you +cannot be more anxious to tell me everything than I am to hear it. Oh! +the scent of these magnolias! And just look at the great white +trumpets! Would you like one for your buttonhole?" + +He gave her a wistful, whimsical little smile; then turned and went +indoors. + +"Why do I feel so inclined to tease him?" mused Jane, as she moved, +from the window. "Really it is I who have been silly this time; and he, +staid and sensible. Myra is quite right. He is taking it very +seriously. And how about her? Ah! I hope she cares enough, and in the +right way.--Come in, Matthews! And you can put out the gown I wore on +the night of the concert at Overdene, and we must make haste. We have +just twenty minutes. What a lovely evening! Before you do anything +else, come and see this sunset on the lake. Ah! it is good to be here!" + + + + +CHAPTER X + +THE REVELATION + + +All the impatience in the world could not prevent dinner at Shenstone +from being a long function, and two of the most popular people in the +party could not easily escape afterwards unnoticed. So a distant clock +in the village was striking ten, as Garth and Jane stepped out on to +the terrace together. Garth caught up a rug in passing, and closed the +door of the lower hall carefully behind him. + +They were quite alone. It was the first time they had been really alone +since these days apart, which had seemed so long to both. + +They walked silently, side by side, to the wide stone parapet +overlooking the old-fashioned garden. The silvery moonlight flooded the +whole scene with radiance. They could see the stiff box-borders, the +winding paths, the queerly shaped flower-beds, and, beyond, the lake, +like a silver mirror, reflecting the calm loveliness of the full moon. + +Garth spread the rug on the coping, and Jane sat down. He stood beside +her, one foot on the coping, his arms folded across his chest, his head +erect. Jane had seated herself sideways, turning towards him, her back +to an old stone lion mounting guard upon the parapet; but she turned +her head still further, to look down upon the lake, and she thought +Garth was looking in the same direction. + +But Garth was looking at Jane. + +She wore the gown of soft trailing black material she had worn at the +Overdene concert, only she had not on the pearls or, indeed, any +ornament save a cluster of crimson rambler roses. They nestled in the +soft, creamy old lace which covered the bosom of her gown. There was a +quiet strength and nobility about her attitude which thrilled the soul +of the man who stood watching her. All the adoring love, the passion of +worship, which filled his heart, rose to his eyes and shone there. No +need to conceal it now. His hour had come at last, and he had nothing +to hide from the woman he loved. + +Presently she turned, wondering why he did not begin his confidences +about Pauline Lister. Looking up inquiringly, she met his eyes. + +"Dal!" cried Jane, and half rose from her seat. "Oh, Dal,--don't!" + +He gently pressed her back. "Hush, dear," he said. "I must tell you +everything, and you have promised to listen, and to advise and help. +Ah, Jane, Jane! I shall need your help. I want it so greatly, and not +only your help, Jane--but YOU--you, yourself. Ah, how I want you! These +three days have been one continual ache of loneliness, because you were +not there; and life began to live and move again, when you returned. +And yet it has been so hard, waiting all these hours to speak. I have +so much to tell you, Jane, of all you are to me--all you have become to +me, since the night of the concert. Ah, how can I express it? I have +never had any big things in my life; all has been more or less +trivial--on the surface. This need of you--this wanting you--is so +huge. It dwarfs all that went before; it would overwhelm all that is to +come,--were it not that it will be the throne, the crown, the summit, +of the future.--Oh, Jane! I have admired so many women. I have raved +about them, sighed for them, painted them, and forgotten them. But I +never LOVED a woman before; I never knew what womanhood meant to a man, +until I heard your voice thrill through the stillness--'I count each +pearl.' Ah, beloved, I have learned to count pearls since then, +precious hours in the past, long forgotten, now remembered, and at last +understood. 'Each hour a pearl, each pearl a prayer,' ay, a passionate +plea that past and present may blend together into a perfect rosary, +and that the future may hold no possibility of pain or parting. Oh, +Jane--Jane! Shall I ever be able to make you understand--all--how +much--Oh, JANE!" + +She was not sure just when he had come so near; but he had dropped on +one knee in front of her, and, as he uttered the last broken sentences, +he passed both his arms around her waist and pressed his face into the +soft lace at her bosom. A sudden quietness came over him. All +struggling with explanations seemed hushed into the silence of complete +comprehension--an all-pervading, enveloping silence. + +Jane neither moved nor spoke. It was so strangely sweet to have him +there--this whirlwind of emotion come home to rest, in a great +stillness, just above her quiet heart. Suddenly she realised that the +blank of the last three days had not been the miss of the music, but +the miss of HIM; and as she realised this, she unconsciously put her +arms about him. Sensations unknown to her before, awoke and moved +within her,--a heavenly sense of aloofness from the world, the +loneliness of life all swept away by this dear fact--just he and she +together. Even as she thought it, felt it, he lifted his head, still +holding her, and looking into her face, said: "You and I together, my +own--my own." + +But those beautiful shining eyes were more than Jane could bear. The +sense of her plainness smote her, even in that moment; and those +adoring eyes seemed lights that revealed it. With no thought in her +mind but to hide the outward part from him who had suddenly come so +close to the shrine within, she quickly put both hands behind his head +and pressed his face down again, into the lace at her bosom. But, to +him, those dear firm hands holding him close, by that sudden movement, +seemed an acceptance of himself and of all he had to offer. For ten, +twenty, thirty exquisite seconds, his soul throbbed in silence and +rapture beyond words. Then he broke from the pressure of those +restraining hands; lifted his head, and looked into her face once more. + +"My wife!" he said. + + * * * * * + +Into Jane's honest face came a look of startled wonder; then a deep +flush, seeming to draw all the blood, which had throbbed so strangely +through her heart, into her cheeks, making them burn, and her heart die +within her. She disengaged herself from his hold, rose, and stood +looking away to where the still waters of the lake gleamed silver in +the moonlight. + +Garth Dalmain stood beside her. He did not touch her, nor did he speak +again. He felt sure he had won; and his whole soul was filled with a +gladness unspeakable. His spirit was content. The intense silence +seemed more expressive than words. Any ordinary touch would have dimmed +the sense of those moments when her hands had held him to her. So he +stood quite still and waited. + +At last Jane spoke. "Do you mean that you wish to ask me to be--to be +THAT--to you?" + +"Yes, dear," he answered, gently; but in his voice vibrated the quiet +of strong self-control. "At least I came out here intending to ask it +of you. But I cannot ask it now, beloved. I can't ask you TO BE what +you ARE already. No promise, no ceremony, no giving or receiving of a +ring, could make you more my wife than you have been just now in those +wonderful moments." + +Jane slowly turned and looked at him. She had never seen anything so +radiant as his face. But still those shining eyes smote her like +swords. She longed to cover them with her hands; or bid him look away +over the woods and water, while he went on saying these sweet things to +her. She put up one foot on the low parapet, leaned her elbow on her +knee, and shielded her face with her hand. Then she answered him, +trying to speak calmly. + +"You have taken me absolutely by surprise, Dal. I knew you had been +delightfully nice and attentive since the concert evening, and that our +mutual understanding of music and pleasure in it, coupled with an +increased intimacy brought about by our confidential conversation under +the cedar, had resulted in an unusually close and delightful +friendship. I honestly admit it seems to have--it has--meant more to me +than any friendship has ever meant. But that was partly owing to your +temperament, Dal, which tends to make you always the most vivid spot in +one's mental landscape. But truly I thought you wanted me out here in +order to pour out confidences about Pauline Lister. Everybody believes +that her loveliness has effected your final capture, and truly, Dal, +truly--I thought so, too." Jane paused. + +"Well?" said the quiet voice, with its deep undertone of gladness. "You +know otherwise now." + +"Dal--you have so startled and astonished me. I cannot give you an +answer to-night. You must let me have until to-morrow--to-morrow +morning." + +"But, beloved," he said tenderly, moving a little nearer, "there is no +more need for you to answer than I felt need to put a question. Can't +you realise this? Question and answer were asked and given just now. +Oh, my dearest--come back to me. Sit down again." + +But Jane stood rigid. + +"No," she said. "I can't allow you to take things for granted in this +way. You took me by surprise, and I lost my head utterly--unpardonably, +I admit. But, my dear boy, marriage is a serious thing. Marriage is not +a mere question of sentiment. It has to wear. It has to last. It must +have a solid and dependable foundation, to stand the test and strain of +daily life together. I know so many married couples intimately. I stay +in their homes, and act sponsor to their children; with the result that +I vowed never to risk it myself. And now I have let you put this +question, and you must not wonder if I ask for twelve hours to think it +over." + +Garth took this silently. He sat down on the stone coping with his back +to the lake and, leaning backward, tried to see her face; but the hand +completely screened it. He crossed his knees and clasped both hands +around them, rocking slightly backward and forward for a minute while +mastering the impulse to speak or act violently. He strove to compose +his mind by fixing it upon trivial details which chanced to catch his +eye. His red socks showed clearly in the moonlight against the white +paving of the terrace, and looked well with black patent-leather shoes. +He resolved always to wear red silk socks in the evening, and wondered +whether Jane would knit some for him. He counted the windows along the +front of the house, noting which were his and which were Jane's, and +how many came between. At last he knew he could trust himself, and, +leaning back, spoke very gently, his dark head almost touching the lace +of her sleeve. + +"Dearest--tell me, didn't you feel just now--" + +"Oh, hush!". cried Jane, almost harshly, "hush, Dal! Don't talk about +feelings with this question between us. Marriage is fact, not feeling. +If you want to do really the best thing for us both, go straight +indoors now and don't speak to me again to-night. I heard you say you +were going to try the organ in the church on the common at eleven +o'clock to-morrow morning. Well--I will come there soon after half-past +eleven and listen while you play; and at noon you can send away the +blower, and I will give you my answer. But now--oh, go away, dear; for +truly I cannot bear anymore. I must be left alone." + +Garth loosed the strong fingers clasped so tightly round his knee. He +slipped the hand next to her along the stone coping, close to her foot. +She felt him take hold of her gown with those deft, masterful fingers. +Then he bent his dark head quickly, and whispering: "I kiss the cross," +with a gesture of infinite reverence and tenderness, which Jane never +forgot, he kissed the hem of her skirt. The next moment she was alone. + +She listened while his footsteps died away. She heard the door into the +lower hall open and close. Then slowly she sat down just as she had sat +when he knelt in front of her. Now she was quite alone. The tension of +these last hard moments relaxed. She pressed both hands over the lace +at her bosom where that dear, beautiful, adoring face had been hidden. +Had she FELT, he asked. Ah! what had she not felt? + +Tears never came easily to Jane. But to-night she had been called a +name by which she had never thought to be called; and already her +honest heart was telling her she would never be called by it again. And +large silent tears overflowed and fell upon her hands and upon the lace +at her breast. For the wife and the mother in her had been wakened and +stirred, and the deeps of her nature broke through the barriers of +stern repression and almost masculine self-control, and refused to be +driven back without the womanly tribute of tears. + +And around her feet lay the scattered petals of crushed rambler roses. + + * * * * * + +Presently she passed indoors. The upper hall was filled with merry +groups and resounded with "good-nights" as the women mounted the great +staircase, pausing to fling back final repartees, or to confirm plans +for the morrow. + +Garth Dalmain was standing at the foot of the staircase, held in +conversation by Pauline Lister and her aunt, who had turned on the +fourth step. Jane saw his slim, erect figure and glossy head the moment +she entered the hall. His back was towards her, and though she advanced +and stood quite near, he gave no sign of being aware of her presence. +But the joyousness of his voice seemed to make him hers again in this +new sweet way. She alone knew what had caused it, and unconsciously she +put one hand over her bosom as she listened. + +"Sorry, dear ladies," Garth was saying, "but to-morrow morning is +impossible. I have an engagement in the village. Yes--really! At eleven +o'clock." + +"That sounds so rural and pretty, Mr. Dalmain," said Mrs. Parker Bangs. +"Why not take Pauline and me along? We have seen no dairies, and no +dairy-maids, nor any of the things in Adam Bede, since we came over. I +would just love to step into Mrs. Poyser's kitchen and see myself +reflected in the warming-pans on the walls." + +"Perhaps we would be DE TROP in the dairy," murmured Miss Lister archly. + +She looked very lovely in her creamy-white satin gown, her small head +held regally, the brilliant charm of American womanhood radiating from +her. She wore no jewels, save one string of perfectly matched pearls; +but on Pauline Lister's neck even pearls seemed to sparkle. + +All these scintillations, flung at Garth, passed over his sleek head +and reached Jane where she lingered in the background. She took in +every detail. Never had Miss Lister's loveliness been more correctly +appraised. + +"But it happens, unfortunately, to be neither a dairy-maid nor a +warming-pan," said Garth. "My appointment is with a very grubby small +boy, whose rural beauties consist in a shock of red hair and a whole +pepper-pot of freckles." + +"Philanthropic?" inquired Miss Lister. + +"Yes, at the rate of threepence an hour." + +"A caddy, of course," cried both ladies together. + +"My! What a mystery about a thing so simple!" added Mrs. Parker Bangs. +"Now we have heard, Mr. Dalmain, that it is well worth the walk to the +links to see you play. So you may expect us to arrive there, time to +see you start around." + +Garth's eyes twinkled. Jane could hear the twinkle in his voice. "My +dear lady," he said, "you overestimate my play as, in your great +kindness of heart, you overestimate many other things connected with +me. But I shall like to think of you at the golf links at eleven +o'clock to-morrow morning. You might drive there, but the walk through +the woods is too charming to miss. Only remember, you cross the park +and leave by the north gate, not the main entrance by which we go to +the railway station. I would offer to escort you, but duty takes me, at +an early hour, in quite another direction. Besides, when Miss Lister's +wish to see the links is known, so many people will discover golf to be +the one possible way of spending to-morrow morning, that I should be +but a unit in the crowd which will troop across the park to the north +gate. It will be quite impossible for you to miss your way." + +Mrs. Parker Bangs was beginning to explain elaborately that never, +under any circumstances, could he be a unit, when her niece +peremptorily interposed. + +"That will do, aunt. Don't be silly. We are all units, except when we +make a crowd; which is what we are doing on this staircase at this +present moment, so that Miss Champion has for some time been trying +ineffectually to pass us. Do you golf to-morrow, Miss Champion?" + +Garth stood on one side, and Jane began to mount the stairs. He did not +look at her, but it seemed to Jane that his eyes were on the hem of her +gown as it trailed past him. She paused beside Miss Lister. She knew +exactly how effectual a foil she made to the American girl's white +loveliness. She turned and faced him. She wished him to look up and see +them standing there together. She wanted the artist eyes to take in the +cruel contrast. She wanted the artist soul of him to realise it. She +waited. + +Garth's eyes were still on the hem of her gown, close to the left foot; +but he lifted them slowly to the lace at her bosom, where her hand +still lay. There they rested a moment, then dropped again, without +rising higher. + +"Yes," said Mrs. Parker Bangs, "are you playing around with Mr. Dalmain +to-morrow forenoon, Miss Champion?" + +Jane suddenly flushed crimson, and then was furious with herself for +blushing, and hated the circumstances which made her feel and act so +unlike her ordinary self. She hesitated during the long dreadful +moment. How dared Garth behave in that way? People would think there +was something unusual about her gown. She felt a wild impulse to stoop +and look at it herself to see whether his kiss had materialised and was +hanging like a star to the silken hem. Then she forced herself to +calmness and answered rather brusquely: "I am not golfing to-morrow; +but you could not do better than go to the links. Good-night, Mrs. +Parker Bangs. Sleep well, Miss Lister. Good-night, Dal." + +Garth was on the step below them, handing Pauline's aunt a letter she +had dropped. + +"Good-night, Miss Champion," he said, and for one instant his eyes met +hers, but he did not hold out his hand, or appear to see hers half +extended. + +The three women mounted the staircase together, then went different +ways. Miss Lister trailed away down a passage to the right, her aunt +trotting in her wake. + +"There's been a tiff there," said Mrs. Parker Bangs. + +"Poor thing!" said Miss Lister softly. "I like her. She's a real good +sort. I should have thought she would have been more sensible than the +rest of us." + +"A real plain sort," said her aunt, ignoring the last sentence. + +"Well, she didn't make her own face," said Miss Lister generously. + +"No, and she don't pay other people to make it for her. She's what Sir +Walter Scott calls: 'Nature in all its ruggedness.'" + +"Dear aunt," remarked Miss Lister wearily, "I wish you wouldn't trouble +to quote the English classics to me when we are alone. It is pure waste +of breath, because you see I KNOW you have read them all. Here is my +door. Now come right in and make yourself comfy on that couch. I am +going to sit in this palatial arm-chair opposite, and do a little very +needful explaining. My! How they fix one to the floor! These ancestral +castles are all right so far as they go, but they don't know a thing +about rockers. Now I have a word or two to say about Miss Champion. +She's a real good sort, and I like her. She's not a beauty; but she has +a fine figure, and she dresses right. She has heaps of money, and could +have rarer pearls than mine; but she knows better than to put pearls on +that brown skin. I like a woman who knows her limitations and is +sensible over them. All the men adore her, not for what she looks but +for what she is, and, my word, aunt, that's what pays in the long run. +That is what lasts. Ten years hence the Honourable Jane will still be +what she is, and I shall be trying to look what I'm not. As for Garth +Dalmain, he has eyes for all of us and a heart for none. His pretty +speeches and admiring looks don't mean marriage, because he is a man +with an ideal of womanhood and he can't see himself marrying below it. +If the Sistine Madonna could step down off those clouds and hand the +infant to the young woman on her left, he might marry HER; but even +then he would be afraid he might see some one next day who did her hair +more becomingly, or that her foot would not look so well on his Persian +rugs as it does on that cloud. He won't marry money, because he has +plenty of it. And even if he hadn't, money made in candles would not +appeal to him. He won't marry beauty, because he thinks too much about +it. He adores so many lovely faces, that he is never sure for +twenty-four hours which of them he admires most, bar the fact that, as +in the case of fruit trees, the unattainable are usually the most +desired. He won't marry goodness--virtue--worth--whatever you choose to +call the sterling qualities of character--because in all these the +Honourable Jane Champion is his ideal, and she is too sensible a woman +to tie such an epicure to her plain face. Besides, she considers +herself his grandmother, and doesn't require him to teach her to suck +eggs. But Garth Dalmain, poor boy, is so sublimely lacking in +self-consciousness that he never questions whether he can win his +ideal. He possesses her already in his soul, and it will be a fearful +smack in the face when she says 'No,' as she assuredly will do, for +reasons aforesaid. These three days, while he has been playing around +with me, and you and other dear match-making old donkeys have gambolled +about us, and made sure we were falling in love, he has been +worshipping the ground she walks on, and counting the hours until he +should see her walk on it again. He enjoyed being with me more than +with the other girls, because I understood, and helped him to work all +conversations round to her, and he knew, when she arrived here, I could +be trusted to develop sudden anxiety about you, or have important +letters to write, if she came in sight. But that is all there will ever +be between me and Garth Dalmain; and if you had a really careful regard +for my young affections you would drop your false set on the marble +wash-stand, or devise some other equally false excuse for our immediate +departure for town to-morrow.--And now, dear, don't stay to argue; +because I have said exactly all there is to say on the subject, and a +little more. And try to toddle to bed without telling me of which cute +character in Dickens I remind you, because I am cuter than any of them, +and if I stay in this tight frock another second I can't answer for the +consequences.--Oui, Josephine, entrez!--Good-night, dear aunt. Happy +dreams!" + +But after her maid had left her, Pauline switched off the electric +light and, drawing back the curtain, stood for a long while at her +window, looking out at the peaceful English scene bathed in moonlight. +At last she murmured softly, leaning her beautiful head against the +window frame: + +"I stated your case well, but you didn't quite deserve it, Dal. You +ought to have let me know about Jane, weeks ago. Anyway, it will stop +the talk about you and me. And as for you, dear, you will go on sighing +for the moon; and when you find the moon is unattainable, you will not +dream of seeking solace in more earthly lights--not even poppa's best +sperm," she added, with a wistful little smile, for Pauline's fun +sparkled in solitude as freely as in company, and as often at her own +expense as at that of other people, and her brave American spirit would +not admit, even to herself, a serious hurt. + +Meanwhile Jane had turned to the left and passed slowly to her room. +Garth had not taken her half-proffered hand, and she knew perfectly +well why. He would never again be content to clasp her hand in +friendship. If she cut him off from the touch which meant absolute +possession, she cut herself off from the contact of simple comradeship. +Garth, to-night, was like a royal tiger who had tasted blood. It seemed +a queer simile, as she thought of him in his conventional evening +clothes, correct in every line, well-groomed, smart almost to a fault. +But out on the terrace with him she had realised, for the first time, +the primal elements which go to the making of a man--a forceful +determined, ruling man--creation's king. They echo of primeval forests. +The roar of the lion is in them, the fierceness of the tiger; the +instinct of dominant possession, which says: "Mine to have and hold, to +fight for and enjoy; and I slay all comers!" She had felt it, and her +own brave soul had understood it and responded to it, unafraid; and +been ready to mate with it, if only--ah! if only-- + +But things could never be again as they had been before. If she meant +to starve her tiger, steel bars must be between them for evermore. None +of those sentimental suggestions of attempts to be a sort of +unsatisfactory cross between sister and friend would do for the man +whose head she had unconsciously held against her breast. Jane knew +this. He had kept himself magnificently in hand after she put him from +her, but she knew he was only giving her breathing space. He still +considered her his own, and his very certainty of the near future had +given him that gentle patience in the present. But even now, while her +answer pended, he would not take her hand in friendship. Jane closed +her door and locked it. She must face this problem of the future, with +all else locked out excepting herself and him. Ah! if she could but +lock herself out and think only of him and of his love, as beautiful, +perfect gifts laid at her feet, that she might draw them up into her +empty arms and clasp them there for evermore. Just for a little while +she would do this. One hour of realisation was her right. Afterwards +she must bring HERSELF into the problem,--her possibilities; her +limitations; herself, in her relation to him in the future; in the +effect marriage with her would be likely to have upon him. What it +might mean to her did not consciously enter into her calculations. Jane +was self-conscious, with the intense self-consciousness of all reserved +natures, but she was not selfish. + +At first, then, she left her room in darkness, and, groping her way to +the curtains, drew them back, threw up the sash, and, drawing a chair +to the window, sat down, leaning her elbows on the sill and her chin in +her hands, and looked down upon the terrace, still bathed in moonlight. +Her window was almost opposite the place where she and Garth had +talked. She could see the stone lion and the vase full of scarlet +geraniums. She could locate the exact spot where she was sitting when +he--Memory awoke, vibrant. + +Then Jane allowed herself the most wonderful mental experience of her +life. She was a woman of purpose and decision. She had said she had a +right to that hour, and she took it to the full. In soul she met her +tiger and mated with him, unafraid. He had not asked whether she loved +him or not, and she did not need to ask herself. She surrendered her +proud liberty, and tenderly, humbly, wistfully, yet with all the +strength of her strong nature, promised to love, honour, and obey him. +She met the adoration of his splendid eyes without a tremor. She had +locked her body out. She was alone with her soul; and her soul was +all-beautiful--perfect for him. + +The loneliness of years slipped from her. Life became rich and +purposeful. He needed her always, and she was always there and always +able to meet his need. "Are you content, my beloved?" she asked over +and over; and Garth's joyous voice, with the ring of perpetual youth in +it, always answered: "Perfectly content." And Jane smiled into the +night, and in the depths of her calm eyes dawned a knowledge hitherto +unknown, and in her tender smile trembled, with unspeakable sweetness, +an understanding of the secret of a woman's truest bliss. "He is mine +and I am his. And because he is mine, my beloved is safe; and because I +am his, he is content." + +Thus she gave herself completely; gathering him into the shelter of her +love; and her generous heart expanded to the greatness of the gift. +Then the mother in her awoke and realised how much of the maternal +flows into the love of a true woman when she understands how largely +the child-nature predominates in the man in love, and how the very +strength of his need of her reduces to unaccustomed weakness the strong +nature to which she has become essential. + +Jane pressed her hands upon her breast. "Garth," she whispered, "Garth, +I UNDERSTAND. My own poor boy, it was so hard to you to be sent away +just then. But you had had all--all you wanted, in those few wonderful +moments, and nothing can rob you of that fact. And you have made me SO +yours that, whatever the future brings for you and me, no other face +will ever be hidden here. It is yours, and I am yours--to-night, and +henceforward, forever." + +Jane leaned her forehead on the window-sill. The moonlight fell on the +heavy coils of her brown hair. The scent of the magnolia blooms rose in +fragrance around her. The song of a nightingale purled and thrilled in +an adjacent wood. The lonely years of the past, the perplexing moments +of the present, the uncertain vistas of the future, all rolled away. +She sailed with Garth upon a golden ocean far removed from the shores +of time. For love is eternal; and the birth of love frees the spirit +from all limitations of the flesh. + + * * * * * + +A clock in the distant village struck midnight. The twelve strokes +floated up to Jane's window across the moonlit park. Time was once +more. Her freed spirit resumed the burden of the body. + +A new day had begun, the day upon which she had promised her answer to +Garth. The next time that clock struck twelve she would be standing +with him in the church, and her answer must be ready. + +She turned from the window without closing it, drew the curtains +closely across, switched on the electric light over the writing-table, +took off her evening gown, hung up bodice and skirt in the wardrobe, +resolutely locking the door upon them. Then she slipped on a sage-green +wrapper, which she had lately purchased at a bazaar because every one +else fled from it, and the old lady whose handiwork it was seemed so +disappointed, and, drawing a chair near the writing-table, took out her +diary, unlocked the heavy clasp, and began to read. She turned the +pages slowly, pausing here and there, until she came to those she +sought. Over them she pondered long, her head in her hands. They +contained a very full account of her conversation with Garth on the +afternoon of the day of the concert at Overdene; and the lines upon +which she specially dwelt were these: "His face was transfigured.... +Goodness and inspiration shone from it, making it as the face of an +angel.... I never thought him ugly again. Child though I was, I +could differentiate even then between ugliness and plainness. I have +associated his face ever since with the wondrous beauty of his soul. +When he sat down, at the close of his address, I no longer thought him +a complicated form of chimpanzee. I remembered the divine halo of his +smile. Of course it was not the sort of face one COULD have wanted to +live with, or to have day after day opposite one at table, but then one +was not called to that sort of discipline, which would have been +martyrdom to me. And he has always stood to my mind since as a proof of +the truth that goodness is never ugly, and that divine love and +aspiration, shining through the plainest features, may redeem them, +temporarily, into beauty; and permanently, into a thing one loves to +remember." + +At first Jane read the entire passage. Then her mind focussed itself +upon one sentence: "Of course it was not the sort of face one COULD +have wanted to live with, or to have day after day opposite one at +table, ... which would have been martyrdom to me." + +At length Jane arose, turned on all the lights over the dressing-table, +particularly two bright ones on either side of the mirror, and, sitting +down before it, faced herself honestly. + + * * * * * + +When the village clock struck one, Garth Dalmain stood at his window +taking a final look at the night which had meant so much to him. He +remembered, with an amused smile, how, to help himself to calmness, he +had sat on the terrace and thought of his socks, and then had counted +the windows between his and Jane's. There were five of them. He knew +her window by the magnolia tree and the seat beneath it where he had +chanced to sit, not knowing she was above him. He leaned far out and +looked towards it now. The curtains were drawn, but there appeared +still to be a light behind them. Even as he watched, it went out. + +He looked down at the terrace. He could see the stone lion and the vase +of scarlet geraniums. He could locate the exact spot where she was +sitting when he-- + +Then he dropped upon his knees beside the window and looked up into the +starry sky. + +Garth's mother had lived long enough to teach him the holy secret of +her sweet patience and endurance. In moments of deep feeling, words +from his mother's Bible came to his lips more readily than expressions +of his own thought. Now, looking upward, he repeated softly and +reverently: "'Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and +cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, +neither shadow of turning.' And oh, Father," he added, "keep us in the +light--she and I. May there be in us, as there is in Thee, no +variableness, neither shadow which is cast by turning." + +Then he rose to his feet and looked across once more to the stone lion +and the broad coping. His soul sang within him, and he folded his arms +across his chest. "My wife!" he said. "Oh! my wife!" + + * * * * * + +And, as the village clock struck one, Jane arrived at her decision. + +Slowly she rose, and turned off all the lights; then, groping her way +to the bed, fell upon her knees beside it, and broke into a passion of +desperate, silent weeping. + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +GARTH FINDS THE CROSS + + +The village church on the green was bathed in sunshine as Jane emerged +from the cool shade of the park. The clock proclaimed the hour +half-past eleven, and Jane did not hasten, knowing she was not expected +until twelve. The windows of the church were open, and the massive +oaken doors stood ajar. + +Jane paused beneath the ivy-covered porch and stood listening. The +tones of the organ reached her as from an immense distance, and yet +with an all-pervading nearness. The sound was disassociated from hands +and feet. The organ seemed breathing, and its breath was music. + +Jane pushed the heavy door further open, and even at that moment it +occurred to her that the freckled boy with a red head, and Garth's slim +proportions, had evidently passed easily through an aperture which +refused ingress to her more massive figure. She pushed the door further +open, and went in. + +Instantly a stillness entered into her soul. The sense of unseen +presences, often so strongly felt on entering an empty church alone, +the impress left upon old walls and rafters by the worshipping minds of +centuries, hushed the insistent beating of her own perplexity, and for +a few moments she forgot the errand which brought her there, and bowed +her head in unison with the worship of ages. + +Garth was playing the "Veni, Creator Spiritus" to Attwood's perfect +setting; and, as Jane walked noiselessly up to the chancel, he began to +sing the words of the second verse. He sang them softly, but his +beautifully modulated barytone carried well, and every syllable reached +her. + + "Enable with perpetual light + The dulness of our blinded sight; + Anoint and cheer our soiled face + With the abundance of Thy grace; + Keep far our foes; give peace at home; + Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come." + +Then the organ swelled into full power, pealing out the theme of the +last verse without its words, and allowing those he had sung to repeat +themselves over and over in Jane's mind: "Where Thou art Guide, no ill +can come." Had she not prayed for guidance? Then surely all would be +well. + +She paused at the entrance to the chancel. Garth had returned to the +second verse, and was singing again, to a waldflute accompaniment, +"Enable with perpetual light--." + +Jane seated herself in one of the old oak stalls and looked around her. +The brilliant sunshine from without entered through the stained-glass +windows, mellowed into golden beams of soft amber light, with here and +there a shaft of crimson. What a beautiful expression--perpetual light! +As Garth sang it, each syllable seemed to pierce the silence like a ray +of purest sunlight. "The dulness of--" Jane could just see the top of +his dark head over the heavy brocade of the organ curtain. She dreaded +the moment when he should turn, and those vivid eyes should catch sight +of her--"our blinded sight." How would he take what she must say? Would +she have strength to come through a long hard scene? Would he be +tragically heart-broken?--"Anoint and cheer our soiled face"--Would he +argue, and insist, and override her judgment?--"With the abundance of +Thy grace"--Could she oppose his fierce strength, if he chose to exert +it? Would they either of them come through so hard a time without +wounding each other terribly?--"Keep far our foes; give peace at +home"--Oh! what could she say? What would he say? How should she +answer? What reason could she give for her refusal which Garth would +ever take as final?--"Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come." + +And then, after a few soft, impromptu chords; the theme changed. + +Jane's heart stood still. Garth was playing "The Rosary." He did not +sing it; but the soft insistence of the organ pipes seemed to press the +words into the air, as no voice could have done. Memory's pearls, in +all the purity of their gleaming preciousness, were counted one by one +by the flute and dulciana; and the sadder tones of the waldflute +proclaimed the finding of the cross. It all held a new meaning for +Jane, who looked helplessly round, as if seeking some way of escape +from the sad sweetness of sound which filled the little church. + +Suddenly it ceased. Garth stood up, turned, and saw her. The glory of a +great joy leaped into his face. + +"All right, Jimmy," he said; "that will do for this morning. And here +is a bright sixpence, because you have managed the blowing so well. +Hullo! It's a shilling! Never mind. You shall have it because it is +such a glorious day. There never was such a day, Jimmy; and I want you +to be happy also. Now run off quickly, and shut the church door behind +you, my boy." + +Ah! how his voice, with its ring of buoyant gladness, shook her soul. + +The red-headed boy, rather grubby, with a whole pepper-pot of freckles, +but a beaming face of pleasure, came out from behind the organ, +clattered down a side aisle; dropped his shilling on the way and had to +find it; but at last went out, the heavy door closing behind him with a +resounding clang. + +Garth had remained standing beside the organ, quite motionless, without +looking at Jane, and now that they were absolutely alone in the church, +he still stood and waited a few moments. To Jane those moments seemed +days, weeks, years, an eternity. Then he came out into the centre of +the chancel, his head erect, his eyes shining, his whole bearing that +of a conqueror sure of his victory. He walked down to the quaintly +carved oaken screen and, passing beneath it, stood at the step. Then he +signed to Jane to come and stand beside him. + +"Here, dearest," he said; "let it be here." + +Jane came to him, and for a moment they stood together, looking up the +chancel. It was darker than the rest of the church, being lighted only +by three narrow stained-glass windows, gems of colour and of +significance. The centre window, immediately over the communion table, +represented the Saviour of the world, dying upon the cross. They gazed +at it in reverent silence. Then Garth turned to Jane. + +"My beloved," he said, "it is a sacred Presence and a sacred place. But +no place could be too sacred for that which we have to say to each +other, and the Holy Presence, in which we both believe, is here to +bless and ratify it. I am waiting for your answer." + +Jane cleared her throat and put her trembling hands into the large +pockets of her tweed coat. + +"Dal," she said; "my answer is a question. How old are you?" + +She felt his start of intense surprise. She saw the light of expectant +joy fade from his face. But he replied, after only a momentary +hesitation: "I thought you knew, dearest. I am twenty-seven." + +"Well," said Jane slowly and deliberately, "I am thirty; and I look +thirty-five, and feel forty. You are twenty-seven, Dal, and you look +nineteen, and often feel nine. I have been thinking it over, and--you +know--I cannot marry a mere boy." + +Silence--absolute. + +In sheer terror Jane forced herself to look at him. He was white to the +lips. His face was very stern and calm--a strange, stony calmness. +There was not much youth in it just then. "ANOINT AND CHEER OUR SOILED +FACE"--The silent church seemed to wail the words in bewildered agony. + +At last he spoke. "I had not thought of myself," he said slowly. "I +cannot explain how it comes to pass, but I have not thought of myself +at all, since my mind has been full of you. Therefore I had not +realised how little there is in me that you could care for. I believed +you had felt as I did, that we were--just each other's." For a moment +he put out his hand as if he would have touched her. Then it dropped +heavily to his side. "You are quite right," he said. "You could not +marry any one whom you consider a mere boy." + +He turned from her and faced up the chancel. For the space of a long +silent minute he looked at the window over the holy table, where hung +the suffering Christ. Then he bowed his head. "I accept the cross," he +said, and, turning, walked quietly down the aisle. The church door +opened, closed behind him with a heavy clang, and Jane was alone. + +She stumbled back to the seat she had left, and fell upon her knees. + +"O, my God," she cried, "send him back to me, oh, send him back! ... +Oh, Garth! It is I who am plain and unattractive and unworthy, not you. +Oh, Garth--come back! come back! come back! ... I will trust and not +be afraid ... Oh, my own Dear--come back!" + +She listened, with straining ears. She waited, until every nerve of her +body ached with suspense. She decided what she would say when the heavy +door reopened and she saw Garth standing in a shaft of sunlight. She +tried to remember the VENI, but the hollow clang of the door had +silenced even memory's echo of that haunting music. So she waited +silently, and as she waited the silence grew and seemed to enclose her +within cruel, relentless walls which opened only to allow her glimpses +into the vista of future lonely years. Just once more she broke that +silence. "Oh, darling, come back! I WILL RISK IT," she said. But no +step drew near, and, kneeling with her face buried in her clasped +hands, Jane suddenly realised that Garth Dalmain had accepted her +decision as final and irrevocable, and would not return. + +How long she knelt there after realising this, she never knew. But at +last comfort came to her. She felt she had done right. A few hours of +present anguish were better than years of future disillusion. Her own +life would be sadly empty, and losing this newly found joy was costing +her more than she had expected; but she honestly believed "she had done +rightly towards him, and what did her own pain matter?" Thus comfort +came to Jane. + +At last she rose and passed out of the silent church into the breezy +sunshine. + +Near the park gates a little knot of excited boys were preparing to fly +a kite. Jimmy, the hero of the hour, the centre of attraction, proved +to be the proud possessor of this new kite. Jimmy was finding the day +glorious indeed, and was being happy. "Happy ALSO," Garth had said. And +Jane's eyes filled with tears, as she remembered the word and the tone +in which it was spoken. + +"There goes my poor boy's shilling," she said to herself sadly, as the +kite mounted and soared above the common; "but, alas, where is his joy?" + +As she passed up the avenue a dog-cart was driven swiftly down it. +Garth Dalmain drove it; behind him a groom and a portmanteau. He lifted +his hat as he passed her, but looked straight before him. In a moment +he was gone. Had Jane wanted to stop him she could not have done so. +But she did not want to stop him. She felt absolutely satisfied that +she had done the right thing, and done it at greater cost to herself +than to him. He would eventually--ah, perhaps before so very long--find +another to be to him all, and more than all, he had believed she could +be. But she? The dull ache at her bosom reminded her of her own words +the night before, whispered in the secret of her chamber to him who, +alas, was not there to hear: "Whatever the future brings for you and +me, no other face will ever be hidden here." And, in this first hour of +the coming lonely years, she knew them to be true. + +In the hall she met Pauline Lister. + +"Is that you, Miss Champion?" said Pauline. "Well now, have you heard +of Mr. Dalmain? He has had to go to town unexpectedly, on the 1.15 +train; and aunt has dropped her false teeth on her marble wash-stand +and must get to the dentist right away. So we go to town on the 2.30. +It's an uncertain world. It complicates one's plans, when they have to +depend on other people's teeth. But I would sooner break false teeth +than true hearts, any day. One can get the former mended, but I guess +no one can mend the latter. We are lunching early in our rooms; so I +wish you good-by, Miss Champion." + + + + +CHAPTER XII + +THE DOCTOR'S PRESCRIPTION + + +The Honourable Jane Champion stood on the summit of the Great Pyramid +and looked around her. The four exhausted Arabs whose exertions, +combined with her own activity, had placed her there, dropped in the +picturesque attitudes into which an Arab falls by nature. They had +hoisted the Honourable Jane's eleven stone ten from the bottom to the +top in record time, and now lay around, proud of their achievement and +sure of their "backsheesh." + +The whole thing had gone as if by clock-work. Two mahogany-coloured, +finely proportioned fellows, in scanty white garments, sprang with the +ease of antelopes to the top of a high step, turning to reach down +eagerly and seize Jane's upstretched hands. One remained behind, unseen +but indispensable, to lend timely aid at exactly the right moment. Then +came the apparently impossible task for Jane, of placing the sole of +her foot on the edge of a stone four feet above the one upon which she +was standing. It seemed rather like stepping up on to the drawing-room +mantelpiece. But encouraged by cries of "Eiwa! Eiwa!" she did it; when +instantly a voice behind said, "Tyeb!" two voices above shouted, +"Keteer!" the grip on her hands tightened, the Arab behind hoisted, and +Jane had stepped up, with an ease which surprised herself. As a matter +of fact, under those circumstances the impossible thing would have been +not to have stepped up. + +Arab number four was water-carrier, and offered water from a gourd at +intervals; and once, when Jane had to cry halt for a few minutes' +breathing space, Schehati, handsomest of all, and leader of the +enterprise, offered to recite English Shakespeare-poetry. This proved +to be: + + "Jack-an-Jill + Went uppy hill, + To fetchy paily water; + Jack fell down-an + Broke his crown-an + Jill came tumbling after." + +Jane had laughed; and Schehati, encouraged by the success of his +attempt to edify and amuse, used lines of the immortal nursery epic as +signals for united action during the remainder of the climb. Therefore +Jane mounted one step to the fact that Jack fell down, and scaled the +next to information as to the serious nature of his injuries, and at +the third, Schehati, bending over, confidentially mentioned in her ear, +while Ali shoved behind, that "Jill came tumbling after." + +The familiar words, heard under such novel circumstances, took on fresh +meaning. Jane commenced speculating as to whether the downfall of Jack +need necessarily have caused so complete a loss of self-control and +equilibrium on the part of Jill. Would she not have proved her devotion +better by bringing the mutual pail safely to the bottom of the hill, +and there attending to the wounds of her fallen hero? Jane, in her +time, had witnessed the tragic downfall of various delightful jacks, +and had herself ministered tenderly to their broken crowns; for in each +case the Jill had remained on the top of the hill, flirting with that +objectionable person of the name of Horner, whose cool, calculating way +of setting to work--so unlike poor Jack's headlong method--invariably +secured him the plum; upon which he remarked "What a good boy am I!" +and was usually taken at his own smug valuation. But Jane's entire +sympathy on these occasions was with the defeated lover, and more than +one Jack was now on his feet again, bravely facing life, because that +kind hand had been held out to him as he lay in his valley of +humiliation, and that comprehending sympathy had proved balm to his +broken crown. + +"Dickery, dickery, dock!" chanted Schehati solemnly, as he hauled +again; "Moses ran up the clock. The clock struck 'one'--" + +THE CLOCK STRUCK "ONE"?--It was nearly three years since that night at +Shenstone when the clock had struck "one," and Jane had arrived at her +decision,--the decision which precipitated her Jack from his Pisgah of +future promise. And yet--no. He had not fallen before the blow. He had +taken it erect, and his light step had been even firmer than usual as +he walked down the church and left her, after quietly and deliberately +accepting her decision. It was Jane herself, left alone, who fell +hopelessly over the pail. She shivered even now when she remembered how +its icy waters drenched her heart. Ah, what would have happened if +Garth had come back in answer to her cry during those first moments of +intolerable suffering and loneliness? But Garth was not the sort of man +who, when a door has been shut upon him, waits on the mat outside, +hoping to be recalled. When she put him from her, and he realised that +she meant it he passed completely out of her life. He was at the +railway station by the time she reached the house, and from that day to +this they had never met. Garth evidently considered the avoidance of +meetings to be his responsibility, and he never failed her in this. +Once or twice she went on a visit to houses where she knew him to be +staying. He always happened to have left that morning, if she arrived +in time for luncheon; or by an early afternoon train, if she was due +for tea. He never timed it so that there should be tragic passings of +each other, with set faces, at the railway stations; or a formal word +of greeting as she arrived and he departed,--just enough to awaken all +the slumbering pain and set people wondering. Jane remembered with +shame that this was the sort of picturesque tragedy she would have +expected from Garth Dalmain. But the man who had surprised her by his +dignified acquiescence in her decision, continued to surprise her by +the strength with which he silently accepted it as final and kept out +of her way. Jane had not probed the depth of the wound she had +inflicted. + +Never once was his departure connected, in the minds of others, with +her arrival. There was always some excellent and perfectly natural +reason why he had been obliged to leave, and he was openly talked of +and regretted, and Jane heard all the latest "Dal stories," and found +herself surrounded by the atmosphere of his exotic, beauty-loving +nature. And there was usually a girl--always the loveliest of the +party--confidentially pointed out to Jane, by the rest, as a certainty, +if only Dal had had another twenty-four hours of her society. But the +girl herself would appear quite heart-whole, only very full of an +evidently delightful friendship, expressing all Dal's ideas on art and +colour, as her own, and confidently happy in an assured sense of her +own loveliness and charm and power to please. Never did he leave behind +him traces which the woman who loved him regretted to find. But he was +always gone--irrevocably gone. Garth Dalmain was not the sort of man to +wait on the door-mat of a woman's indecision. + +Neither did this Jack of hers break his crown. His portrait of Pauline +Lister, painted six months after the Shenstone visit, had proved the +finest bit of work he had as yet accomplished. He had painted the +lovely American, in creamy white satin, standing on a dark oak +staircase, one hand resting on the balustrade, the other, full of +yellow roses, held out towards an unseen friend below. Behind and above +her shone a stained-glass window, centuries old, the arms, crest, and +mottoes of the noble family to whom the place belonged, shining thereon +in rose-coloured and golden glass. He had wonderfully caught the charm +and vivacity of the girl. She was gaily up-to-date, and frankly +American, from the crown of her queenly little head, to the point of +her satin shoe; and the suggestiveness of placing her in surroundings +which breathed an atmosphere of the best traditions of England's +ancient ancestral homes, the fearless wedding of the new world with the +old, the putting of this sparkling gem from the new into the beautiful +mellow setting of the old and there showing it at its best,--all this +was the making of the picture. People smiled, and said the painter had +done on canvas what he shortly intended doing in reality; but the tie +between artist and sitter never grew into anything closer than a +pleasant friendship, and it was the noble owner of the staircase and +window who eventually persuaded Miss Lister to remain in surroundings +which suited her so admirably. + +One story about that portrait Jane had heard discussed more than once +in circles where both were known. Pauline Lister had come to the first +sittings wearing her beautiful string of pearls, and Garth had painted +them wonderfully, spending hours over the delicate perfecting of each +separate gleaming drop. Suddenly one day he seized his palette-knife, +scraped the whole necklace off the canvas with a stroke and, declared +she must wear her rose-topazes in order to carry out his scheme of +colour. She was wearing her rose-topazes when Jane saw the picture in +the Academy, and very lovely they looked on the delicate whiteness of +her neck. But people who had seen Garth's painting of the pearls +maintained that that scrape of the palette-knife had destroyed work +which would have been the talk of the year. And Pauline Lister, just +after it had happened, was reported to have said, with a shrug of her +pretty shoulders: "Schemes of colour are all very well. But he scraped +my pearls off the canvas because some one who came in hummed a tune +while looking at the picture. I would be obliged if people who walk +around the studio while I am being painted will in future refrain from +humming tunes. I don't want him to scoop off my topazes and call for my +emeralds. Also I feel like offering a reward for the discovery of that +tune. I want to know what it has to do with my scheme of colour, +anyway." + +When Jane heard the story, she was spending a few days with the Brands +in Wimpole Street. It was told at tea, in Lady Brand's pretty boudoir. +The duchess's Concert, at which Garth had heard her sing THE ROSARY, +was a thing of the past. Nearly a year had elapsed since their final +parting, and this was the very first thought or word or sign of his +remembrance, which directly or indirectly, had come her way. She could +not doubt that the tune hummed had been THE ROSARY. + + "The hours I spent with thee, dear heart, + Are as a string of pearls to me; + I count them over, every one, apart." + +She seemed to hear Garth's voice on the terrace, as she heard it in +those first startled moments of realising the gift which was being laid +at her feet--"I have learned to count pearls, beloved." + +Jane's heart was growing cold and frozen in its emptiness. This +incident of the studio warmed and woke it for the moment, and with the +waking came sharp pain. When the visitors had left, and Lady Brand had +gone to the nursery, she walked over to the piano, sat down, and softly +played the accompaniment of "The Rosary." The fine unexpected chords, +full of discords working into harmony, seemed to suit her mood and her +memories. + +Suddenly a voice behind her said: "Sing it, Jane." She turned quickly. +The doctor had come in, and was lying back luxuriously in a large +arm-chair at her elbow, his hands clasped behind his head. "Sing it, +Jane," he said. + +"I can't, Deryck," she answered, still softly sounding the chords. "I +have not sung for months." + +"What has been the matter--for months?" + +Jane took her hands off the keys, and swung round impulsively. + +"Oh, boy," she said. "I have made a bad mess of my life! And yet I know +I did right. I would do the same again; at least--at least, I hope I +would." + +The doctor sat in silence for a minute, looking at her and pondering +these short, quick sentences. Also he waited for more, knowing it would +come more easily if he waited silently. + +It came. + +"Boy--I gave up something, which was more than life itself to me, for +the sake of another, and I can't get over it. I know I did right, and +yet--I can't get over it." + +The doctor leaned forward and took the clenched hands between his. + +"Can you tell me about it, Jeanette?" + +"I can tell no one, Deryck; not even you." + +"If ever you find you must tell some one, Jane, will you promise to +come to me?" + +"Gladly." + +"Good! Now, my dear girl, here is a prescription for you. Go abroad. +And, mind, I do not mean by that, just to Paris and back, or +Switzerland this summer, and the Riviera in the autumn. Go to America +and see a few big things. See Niagara. And all your life afterwards, +when trivialities are trying you, you will love to let your mind go +back to the vast green mass of water sweeping over the falls; to the +thunderous roar, and the upward rush of spray; to the huge perpetual +onwardness of it all. You will like to remember, when you are bothering +about pouring water in and out of teacups, 'Niagara is flowing still.' +Stay in a hotel so near the falls that you can hear their great voice +night and day, thundering out themes of power and progress. Spend hours +walking round and viewing it from every point. Go to the Cave of the +Winds, across the frail bridges, where the guide will turn and shout to +you: 'Are your rings on tight?' Learn, in passing, the true meaning of +the Rock of Ages. Receive Niagara into your life and soul as a +possession, and thank God for it." + +"Then go in for other big things in America. Try spirituality and +humanity; love and life. Seek out Mrs. Ballington Booth, the great +'Little Mother' of all American prisoners. I know her well, I am proud +to say, and can give you a letter of introduction. Ask her to take you +with her to Sing-Sing, or to Columbus State Prison, and to let you hear +her address an audience of two thousand convicts, holding out to them +the gospel of hope and love,--her own inspired and inspiring belief in +fresh possibilities even for the most despairing." + +"Go to New York City and see how, when a man wants a big building and +has only a small plot of ground, he makes the most of that ground by +running his building up into the sky. Learn to do likewise.--And then, +when the great-souled, large-hearted, rapid-minded people of America +have waked you to enthusiasm with their bigness, go off to Japan and +see a little people nobly doing their best to become great.--Then to +Palestine, and spend months in tracing the footsteps of the greatest +human life ever lived. Take Egypt on your way home, just to remind +yourself that there are still, in this very modern world of ours, a few +passably ancient things,--a well-preserved wooden man, for instance, +with eyes of opaque white quartz, a piece of rock crystal in the centre +for a pupil. These glittering eyes looked out upon the world from +beneath their eyelids of bronze, in the time of Abraham. You will find +it in the museum at Cairo. Ride a donkey in the Mooskee if you want +real sport; and if you feel a little slack, climb the Great Pyramid. +Ask for an Arab named Schehati, and tell him you want to do it one +minute quicker than any lady has ever done it before." + +"Then come home, my dear girl, ring me up and ask for an appointment; +or chance it, and let Stoddart slip you into my consulting-room between +patients, and report how the prescription has worked. I never gave a +better; and you need not offer me a guinea! I attend old friends +gratis." + +Jane laughed, and gripped his hand. "Oh, boy," she said, "I believe you +are right. My whole ideas of life have been focussed on myself and my +own individual pains and losses. I will do as you say; and God bless +you for saying it.--Here comes Flower. Flower," she said, as the +doctor's wife trailed in, wearing a soft tea-gown, and turning on the +electric lights as she passed, "will this boy of ours ever grow old? +Here he is, seriously advising that a stout, middle-aged woman should +climb the Great Pyramid as a cure for depression, and do it in record +time!" + +"Darling," said the doctor's wife, seating herself on the arm of his +chair, "whom have you been seeing who is stout, or depressed, or +middle-aged? If you mean Mrs. Parker Bangs, she is not middle-aged, +because she is an American, and no American is ever middle-aged. And +she is only depressed because, even after painting her lovely niece's +portrait, Garth Dalmain has failed to propose to her. And it is no good +advising her to climb the Great Pyramid, though she is doing Egypt this +winter, because I heard her say yesterday that she should never think +of going up the pyramids until the children of Israel, or whoever the +natives are who live around those parts, have the sense to put an +elevator right up the centre." + +Jane and the doctor laughed, and Flower, settling herself more +comfortably, for the doctor's arm had stolen around her, said: "Jane, I +heard you playing THE ROSARY just now, such a favourite of mine, and it +is months since I heard it. Do sing it, dear." + +Jane met the doctor's eyes and smiled reassuringly; then turned without +any hesitation and did as Flower asked. The prescription had already +done her good. + +At the last words of the song the doctor's wife bent over and laid a +tender little kiss just above his temple, where the thick dark hair was +streaked with silver. But the doctor's mind was intent on Jane, and +before the final chords were struck he knew he had diagnosed her case +correctly. "But she had better go abroad," he thought. "It will take +her mind off herself altogether, giving her a larger view of things in +general, and a better proportioned view of things in particular. And +the boy won't change; or, if he does, Jane will be proved right, to her +own satisfaction. But, if this is HER side, good heavens, what must HIS +be! I had wondered what was sapping all his buoyant youthfulness. To +care for Jane would be an education; but to have made Jane care! And +then to have lost her! He must have nerves of steel, to be facing life +at all. What is this cross they are both learning to kiss, and holding +up between them? Perhaps Niagara will sweep it away, and she will cable +him from there." + +Then the doctor took the dear little hand resting on his shoulder and +kissed it softly, while Jane's back was still turned. For the doctor +had had past experience of the cross, and now the pearls were very +precious. + +So Jane took the prescription, and two years went by in the taking; and +here she was, on the top of the Great Pyramid, and, moreover, she had +done it in record time, and laughed as she thought of how she should +report the fact to Deryck. + +Her Arabs lay around, very hot and shiny, and content. Large backsheesh +was assured, and they looked up at her with pleased possessive eyes, as +an achievement of their own; hardly realising how large a part her +finely developed athletic powers and elastic limbs had played in the +speed of the ascent. + +And Jane stood there, sound in wind and limb, and with the exhilarating +sense, always helpful to the mind, of a bodily feat accomplished. + +She was looking her best in her Norfolk coat and skirt of brown tweed +with hints of green and orange in it, plenty of useful pockets piped +with leather, leather buttons, and a broad band of leather round the +bottom of the skirt. A connoisseur would have named at once the one and +only firm from which that costume could have come, and the hatter who +supplied the soft green Tyrolian hat--for Jane scorned pith +helmets--which matched it so admirably. But Schehati was no connoisseur +of clothing, though a pretty shrewd judge of ways and manners, and he +summed up Jane thus: "Nice gentleman-lady! Give good backsheesh, and +not sit down halfway and say: `No top'! But real lady-gentleman! Give +backsheesh with kind face, and not send poor Arab to Assouan." + +Jane was deeply tanned by the Eastern sun. Burning a splendid brown, +and enjoying the process, she had no need of veils or parasols; and her +strong eyes faced the golden light of the desert without the aid of +smoked glasses. She had once heard Garth remark that a sight which made +him feel really ill, was the back view of a woman in a motor-veil, and +Jane had laughingly agreed, for to her veils of any kind had always +seemed superfluous. The heavy coils of her brown hair never blew about +into fascinating little curls and wisps, but remained where, with a few +well-directed hairpins, she each morning solidly placed them. + +Jane had never looked better than she did on this March day, standing +on the summit of the Great Pyramid. Strong, brown, and well-knit, a +reliable mind in a capable body, the undeniable plainness of her face +redeemed by its kindly expression of interest and enjoyment; her wide, +pleasant smile revealing her fine white teeth, witnesses to her perfect +soundness and health, within and without. + +"Nice gentleman-lady," murmured Schehati again: and had Jane overheard +the remark it would not have offended her; for, though she held a +masculine woman only one degree less in abhorrence than an effeminate +man, she would have taken Schehati's compound noun as a tribute to the +fact that she was well-groomed and independent, knowing her own mind, +and, when she started out to go to a place, reaching it in the shortest +possible time, without fidget, fuss, or flurry. These three feminine +attributes were held in scorn by Jane, who knew herself so deeply +womanly that she could afford in minor ways to be frankly unfeminine. + +The doctor's prescription had worked admirably. That look of falling to +pieces and ageing prematurely--a general dilapidation of mind and +body--which it had grieved and startled him to see in Jane as she sat +before him on the music-stool, was gone completely. She looked a calm, +pleasant thirty; ready to go happily on, year by year, towards an +equally agreeable and delightful forty; and not afraid of fifty, when +that time should come. Her clear eyes looked frankly out upon the +world, and her sane mind formed sound opinions and pronounced fair +judgments, tempered by the kindliness of an unusually large and +generous heart. + +Just now she was considering the view and finding it very good. Its +strong contrasts held her. + +On one side lay the fertile Delta, with its groves of waving palm, +orange, and olive trees, growing in rich profusion on the banks of the +Nile, a broad band of gleaming silver. On the other, the Desert, with +its far-distant horizon, stretching away in undulations of golden sand; +not a tree, not a leaf, not a blade of grass, but boundless liberty, an +ocean of solid golden glory. For the sun was setting, and the sky +flamed into colour. + +"A parting of the ways," said Jane; "a place of choice. How difficult +to know which to choose--liberty or fruitfulness. One would have to +consult the Sphinx--wise old guardian of the ages, silent keeper of +Time's secrets, gazing on into the future as It has always gazed, while +future became present, and present glided into past.--Come, Schehati, +let us descend. Oh, yes, I will certainly sit upon the stone on which +the King sat when he was Prince of Wales. Thank you for mentioning it. +It will supply a delightful topic of conversation next time I am +honoured by a few minutes of his gracious Majesty's attention, and will +save me from floundering into trite remarks about the weather.--And now +take me to the Sphinx, Schehati. There is a question I would ask of It, +just as the sun dips below the horizon." + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +THE ANSWER OF THE SPHINX + + +Moonlight in the desert. + +Jane ordered her after-dinner coffee on the piazza of the hotel, that +she might lose as little as possible of the mystic loveliness of the +night. The pyramids appeared so huge and solid, in the clear white +light; and the Sphinx gathered unto itself more mystery. + +Jane promised herself a stroll round by moonlight presently. Meanwhile +she lay back in a low wicker chair, comfortably upholstered, sipping +her coffee, and giving herself up to the sense of dreamy content which, +in a healthy body, is apt to follow vigorous exertion. + +Very tender and quiet thoughts of Garth came to her this evening, +perhaps brought about by the associations of moonlight. + + "The moon shines bright:--in such a night as this, + When the sweet wind did gently kiss the trees, + And they did make no noise--" + +Ah! the great poet knew the effect upon the heart of a vivid reminder +to the senses. Jane now passed beneath the spell. + +To begin with, Garth's voice seemed singing everywhere: + + "Enable with perpetual light + The dulness of our blinded sight." + +Then from out the deep blue and silvery light, Garth's dear adoring +eyes seemed watching her. Jane closed her own, to see them better. +To-night she did not feel like shrinking from them, they were so full +of love. + +No shade of critical regard was in them. Ah! had she wronged him with +her fears for the future? Her heart seemed full of trust to-night, full +of confidence in him and in herself. It seemed to her that if he were +here she could go out with him into this brilliant moonlight, seat +herself upon some ancient fallen stone, and let him kneel in front of +her and gaze and gaze in his persistent way, as much as he pleased. In +thought there seemed to-night no shrinking from those dear eyes. She +felt she would say: "It is all your own, Garth, to look at when you +will. For your sake, I could wish it beautiful; but if it is as you +like it, my own Dear, why should I hide it from you?" + +What had brought about this change of mind? Had Deryck's prescription +done its full work? Was this a saner point of view than the one she had +felt constrained to take when she arrived, through so much agony of +renunciation, at her decision? Instead of going up the Nile, and then +to Constantinople and Athens, should she take the steamer which sailed +from Alexandria to-morrow, be in London a week hence, send for Garth, +make full confession, and let him decide as to their future? + +That he loved her still, it never occurred to Jane to doubt. At the +very thought of sending for him and telling him the simple truth, he +seemed so near her once more, that she could feel the clasp of his +arms, and his head upon her heart. And those dear shining eyes! Oh, +Garth, Garth! + +"One thing is clear to me to-night," thought Jane. "If he still needs +me--wants me--I cannot live any longer away from him. I must go to +him." She opened her eyes and looked towards the Sphinx. The whole line +of reasoning which had carried such weight at Shenstone flashed through +her mind in twenty seconds. Then she closed her eyes again and clasped +her hands upon her bosom. + +"I will risk it," she said; and deep joy awoke within her heart. + +A party of English people came from the dining-room on to the piazza +with a clatter. They had arrived that evening and gone in late to +dinner. Jane had hardly noticed them,--a handsome woman and her +daughter, two young men, and an older man of military appearance. They +did not interest Jane, but they broke in upon her reverie; for they +seated themselves at a table near by and, in truly British fashion, +continued a loud-voiced conversation, as if no one else were present. +One or two foreigners, who had been peacefully dreaming over coffee and +cigarettes, rose and strolled away to quiet seats under the palm trees. +Jane would have done the same, but she really felt too comfortable to +move, and afraid of losing the sweet sense of Garth's nearness. So she +remained where she was. + +The elderly man held in his hand a letter and a copy of the MORNING +POST, just received from England. They were discussing news contained +in the letter and a paragraph he had been reading aloud from the paper. + +"Poor fellow! How too sad!" said the chaperon of the party. + +"I should think he would sooner have been killed outright!" exclaimed +the girl. "I know I would." + +"Oh, no," said one of the young men, leaning towards her. "Life is +sweet, under any circumstances." + +"Oh, but blind!" cried the young voice, with a shudder. "Quite blind +for the rest of one's life. Horrible!" + +"Was it his own gun?" asked the older woman. "And how came they to be +having a shooting party in March?" + +Jane smiled a fierce smile into the moonlight. Passionate love of +animal life, intense regard for all life, even of the tiniest insect, +was as much a religion with her as the worship of beauty was with +Garth. She never could pretend sorrow over these accounts of shooting +accidents, or falls in the hunting-field. When those who went out to +inflict cruel pain were hurt themselves; when those who went forth to +take eager, palpitating life, lost their own; it seemed to Jane a just +retribution. She felt no regret, and pretended none. So now she smiled +fiercely to herself, thinking: "One pair of eyes the less to look along +a gun and frustrate the despairing dash for home and little ones of a +terrified little mother rabbit. One hand that will never again change a +soaring upward flight of spreading wings, into an agonised mass of +falling feathers. One chance to the good, for the noble stag, as he +makes a brave run to join his hinds in the valley." + +Meanwhile the military-looking man had readjusted his eye-glasses and +was holding the sheets of a closely written letter to the light. + +"No," he said after a moment, "shooting parties are over. There is +nothing doing on the moors now. They were potting bunnies." + +"Was he shooting?" asked the girl. + +"No," replied the owner of the letter, "and that seems such hard luck. +He had given up shooting altogether a year or two ago. He never really +enjoyed it, because he so loved the beauty of life and hated death in +every form. He has a lovely place in the North, and was up there +painting. He happened to pass within sight of some fellows +rabbit-shooting, and saw what he considered cruelty to a wounded +rabbit. He vaulted over a gate to expostulate and to save the little +creature from further suffering. Then it happened. One of the lads, +apparently startled, let off his gun. The charge struck a tree a few +yards off, and the shot glanced. It did not strike him full. The face +is only slightly peppered and the brain quite uninjured. But shots +pierced the retina of each eye, and the sight is hopelessly gone." + +"Awful hard luck," said the young man. + +"I never can understand a chap not bein' keen on shootin'," said the +youth who had not yet spoken. + +"Ah, but you would if you had known him," said the soldier. "He was so +full of life and vivid vitality. One could not imagine him either dying +or dealing death. And his love of the beautiful was almost a form of +religious worship. I can't explain it; but he had a way of making you +see beauty in things you had hardly noticed before. And now, poor chap, +he can't see them himself." + +"Has he a mother?" asked the older woman. + +"No, he has no one. He is absolutely alone. Scores of friends of +course; he was a most popular man about town, and could stay in almost +any house in the kingdom if he chose to send a post-card to say he was +coming. But no relations, I believe, and never would marry. Poor chap! +He will wish he had been less fastidious, now. He might have had the +pick of all the nicest girls, most seasons. But not he! Just charming +friendships, and wedded to his art. And now, as Lady Ingleby, says, he +lies in the dark, helpless and alone." + +"Oh, do talk of something else!" cried the girl, pushing back her chair +and rising. "I want to forget it. It's too horribly sad. Fancy what it +must be to wake up and not know whether it is day or night, and to have +to lie in the dark and wonder. Oh, do come out and talk of something +cheerful." + +They all rose, and the young man slipped his hand through the girl's +arm, glad of the excuse her agitation provided. + +"Forget it, dear," he said softly. "Come on out and see the old Sphinx +by moonlight." + +They left the piazza, followed by the rest of the party; but the man to +whom the MORNING POST belonged laid it on the table and stayed behind, +lighting a cigar. + +Jane rose from her chair and came towards him. + +"May I look at your paper?" she said abruptly. + +"Certainly," he replied, with ready courtesy. Then, looking more +closely at her: "Why, certainly, Miss Champion. And how do you do? I +did not know you were in these parts." + +"Ah, General Loraine! Your face seemed familiar, but I had not +recognised you, either. Thanks, I will borrow this if I may. And don't +let me keep you from your friends. We shall meet again by and by." + +Jane waited until the whole party had passed out of sight and until the +sound of their voices and laughter had died away in the distance. Then +she returned to her chair, the place where Garth had seemed so near. +She looked once more at the Sphinx and at the huge pyramid in the +moonlight. + +Then she took up the paper and opened it. + + "Enable with perpetual light + The dulness of our blinded sight." + +Yes--it was Garth Dalmain--HER Garth, of the adoring shining eyes--who +lay at his house in the North; blind, helpless, and alone. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +IN DERYCK'S SAFE CONTROL + + +The white cliffs of Dover gradually became more solid and distinct, +until at length they rose from the sea, a strong white wall, emblem of +the undeniable purity of England, the stainless honour and integrity of +her throne, her church, her parliament, her courts of justice, and her +dealings at home and abroad, whether with friend or foe. "Strength and +whiteness," thought Jane as she paced the steamer's deck; and after a +two years' absence her heart went out to her native land. Then Dover +Castle caught her eye, so beautiful in the pearly light of that spring +afternoon. Her mind leaped to enjoyment, then fell back stunned by the +blow of quick remembrance, and Jane shut her eyes. + +All beautiful sights brought this pang to her heart since the reading +of that paragraph on the piazza of the Mena House Hotel. + +An hour after she had read it, she was driving down the long straight +road to Cairo; embarked at Alexandria the next day; landed at Brindisi, +and this night and day travelling had brought her at last within sight +of the shores of England. In a few minutes she would set foot upon +them, and then there would be but two more stages to her journey. For, +from the moment she started, Jane never doubted her ultimate +destination,--the room where pain and darkness and despair must be +waging so terrible a conflict against the moral courage, the mental +sanity, and the instinctive hold on life of the man she loved. + +That she was going to him, Jane knew; but she felt utterly unable to +arrange how or in what way her going could be managed. That it was a +complicated problem, her common sense told her; though her yearning +arms and aching bosom cried out: "O God, is it not simple? Blind and +alone! MY Garth!" + +But she knew an unbiased judgment, steadier than her own, must solve +the problem; and that her surest way to Garth lay through the doctor's +consulting-room. So she telegraphed to Deryck from Paris, and at +present her mind saw no further than Wimpole Street. + +At Dover she bought a paper, and hastily scanned its pages as she +walked along the platform in the wake of the capable porter who had +taken possession of her rugs and hand baggage. In the personal column +she found the very paragraph she sought. + +"We regret to announce that Mr. Garth Dalmain still lies in a most +precarious condition at his house on Deeside, Aberdeenshire, as a +result of the shooting accident a fortnight ago. His sight is +hopelessly gone, but the injured parts were progressing favourably, and +all fear of brain complications seemed over. During the last few days, +however, a serious reaction from shock has set in, and it has been +considered necessary to summon Sir Deryck Brand, the well-known nerve +specialist, in consultation with the oculist and the local practitioner +in charge of the case. There is a feeling of wide-spread regret and +sympathy in those social and artistic circles where Mr. Dalmain was so +well-known and so deservedly popular." + +"Oh, thank you, m'lady," said the efficient porter when he had +ascertained, by a rapid glance into his palm, that Jane's half-crown +was not a penny. He had a sick young wife at home, who had been ordered +extra nourishment, and just as the rush on board began, he had put up a +simple prayer to the Heavenly Father "who knoweth that ye have need of +these things," asking that he might catch the eye of a generous +traveller. He felt he had indeed been "led" to this plain, brown-faced, +broad-shouldered lady, when he remembered how nearly, after her curt +nod from a distance had engaged him, he had responded to the +blandishments of a fussy little woman, with many more bags and rugs, +and a parrot cage, who was now doling French coppers out of the window +of the next compartment. "Seven pence 'apenny of this stuff ain't much +for carrying all that along, I DON'T think!" grumbled his mate; and +Jane's young porter experienced the double joy of faith confirmed, and +willing service generously rewarded. + +A telegraph boy walked along the train, saying: "Honrubble Jain +Champyun" at intervals. Jane heard her name, and her arm shot out of +the window. + +"Here, my boy! It is for me." + +She tore it open. It was from the doctor. + +"Welcome home. Just back from Scotland. Will meet you Charing Cross, +and give you all the time you want. Have coffee at Dover. DERYCK." + +Jane gave one hard, tearless sob of thankfulness and relief. She had +been so lonely. + +Then she turned to the window. "Here, somebody! Fetch me a cup of +coffee, will you?" + +Coffee was the last thing she wanted; but it never occurred to any one +to disobey the doctor, even at a distance. + +The young porter, who still stood sentry at the door of Jane's +compartment, dashed off to the refreshment room; and, just as the train +began to move, handed a cup of steaming coffee and a plate of +bread-and-butter in at the window. + +"Oh, thank you, my good fellow," said Jane, putting the plate on the +seat, while she dived into her pocket. "Here! you have done very well +for me. No, never mind the change. Coffee at a moment's notice should +fetch a fancy price. Good-bye." + +The train moved on, and the porter stood looking after it with tears in +his eyes. Over the first half-crown he had said to himself: "Milk and +new-laid eggs." Now, as he pocketed the second, he added the other two +things mentioned by the parish doctor: "Soup and jelly"; and his heart +glowed. "Your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of these +things." + +And Jane, seated in a comfortable corner, choked back the tears of +relief which threatened to fall, drank her coffee, and was thereby more +revived than she could have thought possible. She, also, had need of +many things. Not of half-crowns; of those she had plenty. But above all +else she needed just now a wise, strong, helpful friend, and Deryck had +not failed her. + +She read his telegram through once more, and smiled. How like him to +think of the coffee; and oh, how like him to be coming to the station. + +She took off her hat and leaned back against the cushions. She had been +travelling night and day, in one feverish whirl of haste, and at last +she had brought herself within reach of Deryck's hand and Deryck's safe +control. The turmoil of her soul was stilled; a great calm took its +place, and Jane dropped quietly off to sleep. "Your heavenly Father +knoweth that ye have need of these things." + + * * * * * + +Washed and brushed and greatly refreshed, Jane stood at the window of +her compartment as the train steamed into Charing Cross. + +The doctor was stationed exactly opposite the door when her carriage +came to a standstill; mere chance, and yet, to Jane, it seemed so like +him to have taken up his position precisely at the right spot on that +long platform. An enthusiastic lady patient had once said of Deryck +Brand, with more accuracy of definition than of grammar: "You know, he +is always so very JUST THERE." And this characteristic of the doctor +had made him to many a very present help in time of trouble. + +He was through the line of porters and had his hand upon the handle of +Jane's door in a moment. Standing at the window, she took one look at +the firm lean face, now alight with welcome, and read in the kind, +steadfast eyes of her childhood's friend a perfect sympathy and +comprehension. Then she saw behind him her aunt's footman, and her own +maid, who had been given a place in the duchess's household. In another +moment she was on the platform and her hand was in Deryck's. + +"That is right, dear," he said. "All fit and well, I can see. Now hand +over your keys. I suppose you have nothing contraband? I telephoned the +duchess to send some of her people to meet your luggage, and not to +expect you herself until dinner time, as you were taking tea with us. +Was that right? This way. Come outside the barrier. What a rabble! All +wanting to break every possible rule and regulation, and each trying to +be the first person in the front row. Really the patience and good +temper of railway officials should teach the rest of mankind a lesson." + +The doctor, talking all the time, piloted Jane through the crowd; +opened the door of a neat electric brougham, helped her in, took his +seat beside her, and they glided swiftly out into the Strand, and +turned towards Trafalgar Square. + +"Well," said the doctor, "Niagara is a big thing isn't it? When people +say to me, 'Were you not disappointed in Niagara? WE were!' I feel +tempted to wish, for one homicidal moment, that the earth would open +her mouth and swallow them up. People who can be disappointed in +Niagara, and talk about it, should no longer be allowed to crawl on the +face of the earth. And how about the 'Little Mother'? Isn't she worth +knowing? I hope she sent me her love. And New York harbour! Did you +ever see anything to equal it, as you steam away in the sunset?" + +Jane gave a sudden sob; then turned to him, dry-eyed. + +"Is there no hope, Deryck?" + +The doctor laid his hand on hers. "He will always be blind, dear. But +life holds other things beside sight. We must never say: 'No hope.'" + +"Will he live?" + +"There is no reason he should not live. But how far life will be worth +living, largely depends upon what can be done for him, poor chap, +during the next few months. He is more shattered mentally than +physically." + +Jane pulled off her gloves, swallowed suddenly, then gripped the +doctor's knee. "Deryck--I love him." + +The doctor remained silent for a few moments, as if pondering this +tremendous fact. Then he lifted the fine, capable hand resting upon his +knee and kissed it with a beautiful reverence,--a gesture expressing +the homage of the man to the brave truthfulness of the woman. + +"In that case, dear," he said, "the future holds in store so great a +good for Garth Dalmain that I think he may dispense with sight.-- +Meanwhile you have much to say to me, and it is, of course, your right +to hear every detail of his case that I can give. And here we are at +Wimpole Street. Now come into my consulting-room. Stoddart has orders +that we are on no account to be disturbed." + + + + +CHAPTER XV + +THE CONSULTATION + + +The doctor's room was very quiet. Jane leaned back in his dark green +leather arm-chair, her feet on a footstool, her hands gripping the arms +on either side. + +The doctor sat at his table, in the round pivot-chair he always +used,--a chair which enabled him to swing round suddenly and face a +patient, or to turn away very quietly and bend over his table. + +Just now he was not looking at Jane. He had been giving her a detailed +account of his visit to Castle Gleneesh, which he had left only on the +previous evening. He had spent five hours with Garth. It seemed kindest +to tell her all; but he was looking straight before him as he talked, +because he knew that at last the tears were running unchecked down +Jane's cheeks, and he wished her to think he did not notice them. + +"You understand, dear," he was saying, "the actual wounds are going on +well. Strangely enough, though the retina of each eye was pierced, and +the sight is irrecoverably gone, there was very little damage done to +surrounding parts, and the brain is quite uninjured. The present danger +arises from the shock to the nervous system and from the extreme mental +anguish caused by the realisation of his loss. The physical suffering +during the first days and nights must have been terrible. Poor fellow, +he looks shattered by it. But his constitution is excellent, and his +life has been so clean, healthy, and normal, that he had every chance +of making a good recovery, were it not that as the pain abated and his +blindness became more a thing to be daily and hourly realised, his +mental torture was so excessive. Sight has meant so infinitely much to +him,--beauty of form, beauty of colour. The artist in him was so +all-pervading. They tell me he said very little. He is a brave man and +a strong one. But his temperature began to vary alarmingly; he showed +symptoms of mental trouble, of which I need not give you technical +details; and a nerve specialist seemed more necessary than an oculist. +Therefore he is now in my hands." + +The doctor paused, straightened a few books lying on the table, and +drew a small bowl of violets closer to him. He studied these +attentively for a few moments, then put them back where his wife had +placed them and went on speaking. + +"I am satisfied on the whole. He needed a friendly voice to penetrate +the darkness. He needed a hand to grasp his, in faithful comprehension. +He did not want pity, and those who talked of his loss without +understanding it, or being able to measure its immensity, maddened him. +He needed a fellow-man to come to him and say: 'It is a fight--an +awful, desperate fight. But by God's grace you will win through to +victory. It would be far easier to die; but to die would be to lose; +you must live to win. It is utterly beyond all human strength; but by +God's grace you will come through conqueror.' All this I said to him, +Jeanette, and a good deal more; and then a strangely beautiful thing +happened. I can tell you, and of course I could tell Flower, but to no +one else on earth would I repeat it. The difficulty had been to obtain +from him any response whatever. He did not seem able to rouse +sufficiently to notice anything going on around him. But those words, +'by God's grace,' appeared to take hold of him and find immediate echo +in his inner consciousness. I heard him repeat them once or twice, and +then change them to 'with the abundance of Thy grace.' Then he turned +his head slowly on the pillow, and what one could see of his face +seemed transformed. He said: 'Now I remember it, and the music is +this'; and his hands moved on the bedclothes, as if forming chords. +Then, in a very low voice, but quite clearly, he repeated the second +verse of the VENI, CREATOR SPIRITUS. I knew it, because I used to sing +it as a chorister in my father's church at home. You remember?" + + "'Enable with perpetual light + The dulness of our blinded sight. + Anoint and cheer our soiled face + With the abundance of Thy grace. + Keep far our foes; give peace at home; + Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come.'" + +"It was the most touching thing I ever heard." + +The doctor paused, for Jane had buried her face in her hands and was +sobbing convulsively. When her sobs grew less violent, the doctor's +quiet voice continued: "You see, this gave me something to go upon. +When a crash such as this happens, all a man has left to hold on to is +his religion. According as his spiritual side has been developed, will +his physical side stand the strain. Dalmain has more of the real thing +than any one would think who only knew him superficially. Well, after +that we talked quite definitely, and I persuaded him to agree to one or +two important arrangements. You know, he has no relations of his own, +to speak of; just a few cousins, who have never been very friendly. He +is quite alone up there; for, though he has hosts of friends, this is a +time when friends would have to be very intimate to be admitted; and +though he seemed so boyish and easy to know, I begin to doubt whether +any of us knew the real Garth--the soul of the man, deep down beneath +the surface." + +Jane lifted her head. "I did," she said simply. + +"Ah," said the doctor, "I see. Well, as I said, ordinary friends could +not be admitted. Lady Ingleby went, in her sweet impulsive way, without +letting them know she was coming; travelled all the way up from +Shenstone with no maid, and nothing but a handbag, and arrived at the +door in a fly. Robert Mackenzie, the local medical man, who is an +inveterate misogynist, feared at first she was an unsuspected wife of +Dal's. He seemed to think unannounced ladies arriving in hired vehicles +must necessarily turn out to be undesirable wives. I gather they had a +somewhat funny scene. But Lady Ingleby soon got round old Robbie, and +came near to charming him--as whom does she not? But of course they did +not dare let her into Dal's room; so her ministry of consolation +appears to have consisted in letting Dal's old housekeeper weep on her +beautiful shoulder. It was somewhat of a comedy, hearing about it, when +one happened to know them all, better than they knew each other. But to +return to practical details. He has had a fully trained male nurse and +his own valet to wait on him. He absolutely refused one of our London +hospital nurses, who might have brought a little gentle comfort and +womanly sympathy to his sick-room. He said he could not stand being +touched by a woman; so there it remained. A competent man was found +instead. But we can now dispense with him, and I have insisted upon +sending up a lady nurse of my own choosing; not so much to wait on him, +or do any of a sick-nurse's ordinary duties--his own man can do these, +and he seems a capable fellow--but to sit with him, read to him, attend +to his correspondence,--there are piles of unopened letters he ought to +hear,--in fact help him to take up life again in his blindness. It will +need training; it will require tact; and this afternoon I engaged +exactly the right person. She is a gentlewoman by birth, has nursed for +me before, and is well up in the special knowledge of mental things +which this case requires. Also she is a pretty, dainty little thing; +just the kind of elegant young woman poor Dal would have liked to have +about him when he could see. He was such a fastidious chap about +appearances, and such a connoisseur of good looks. I have written a +descriptive account of her to Dr. Mackenzie, and he will prepare his +patient for her arrival. She is to go up the day after to-morrow. We +are lucky to get her, for she is quite first-rate, and she has only +just finished with a long consumptive case, now on the mend and ordered +abroad. So you see, Jeanette, all is shaping well.--And now, my dear +girl, you have a story of your own to tell me, and my whole attention +shall be at your disposal. But first of all I am going to ring for tea, +and you and I will have it quietly down here, if you will excuse me for +a few minutes while I go upstairs and speak to Flower." + + * * * * * + +It seemed so natural to Jane to be pouring out the doctor's tea, and to +watch him putting a liberal allowance of salt on the thin +bread-and-butter, and then folding it over with the careful accuracy +which had always characterised his smallest action. In the essentials +he had changed so little since the days when as a youth of twenty +spending his vacations at the rectory he used to give the lonely girl +at the manor so much pleasure by coming up to her school-room tea; and +when it proved possible to dispose of her governess's chaperonage and +be by themselves, what delightful times they used to have, sitting on +the hearth-rug, roasting chestnuts and discussing the many subjects +which were of mutual interest. Jane could still remember the painful +pleasure of turning hot chestnuts on the bars with her fingers, and how +she hastened to do them herself, lest he should be burned. She had +always secretly liked and admired his hands, with the brown thin +fingers, so delicate in their touch and yet full of such gentle +strength. She used to love watching them while he sharpened her pencils +or drew wonderful diagrams in her exercise books; thinking how in years +to come, when he performed important operations, human lives would +depend upon their skill and dexterity. In those early years he had +seemed so much older than she. And then came the time when she shot up +rapidly into young womanhood and their eyes were on a level and their +ages seemed the same. Then, as the years went on, Jane began to feel +older than he, and took to calling him "Boy" to emphasise this fact. +And then came--Flower;--and complications. And Jane had to see his face +grow thin and worn, and his hair whiten on the temples. And she yearned +over him, yet dared not offer sympathy. At last things came right for +the doctor, and all the highest good seemed his; in his profession; in +his standing among men; and, above all, in his heart life, which Flower +had always held between her two sweet hands. And Jane rejoiced, but +felt still more lonely now she had no companion in loneliness. And +still their friendship held, with Flower admitted as a third--a +wistful, grateful third, anxious to learn from the woman whose +friendship meant so much to her husband, how to succeed where she had +hitherto failed. And Jane's faithful heart was generous and loyal to +both, though in sight of their perfect happiness her loneliness grew. + +And now, in her own hour of need, it had to be Deryck only; and the +doctor knew this, and had arranged accordingly; for at last his chance +had come, to repay the faithful devotion of a lifetime. The +conversation of that afternoon would be the supreme test of their +friendship. And so, with a specialist's appreciation of the mental +effect of the most trivial external details, the doctor had ordered +muffins, and a kettle on the fire, and had asked Jane to make the tea. + +By the time the kettle boiled, they had remembered the chestnuts, and +were laughing about poor old Fraulein's efforts to keep them in order, +and the strategies by which they used to evade her vigilance. And the +years rolled back, and Jane felt herself very much at home with the +chum of her childhood. + +Nevertheless, there was a moment of tension when the doctor drew back +the tea-table and they faced each other in easy-chairs on either side +of the fireplace. Each noticed how characteristic was the attitude of +the other. + +Jane sat forward, her feet firmly planted on the hearth-rug, her arms +on her knees, and her hands clasped in front of her. + +The doctor leaned back, one knee crossed over the other, his elbows on +the arms of his chair, the tips of his fingers meeting, in absolute +stillness of body and intense concentration of mind. + +The silence between them was like a deep, calm pool. + +Jane took the first plunge. + +"Deryck, I am going to tell you everything. I am going to speak of my +heart, and mind, and feelings, exactly as if they were bones, and +muscles, and lungs. I want you to combine the offices of doctor and +confessor in one." + +The doctor had been contemplating his finger-tips. He now glanced +swiftly at Jane, and nodded; then turned his head and looked into the +fire. + +"Deryck, mine has been a somewhat lonely existence. I have never been +essential to the life of another, and no one has ever touched the real +depths of mine. I have known they were there, but I have known they +were unsounded." + +The doctor opened his lips, as if to speak; then closed them in a +firmer line than before, and merely nodded his head silently. + +"I had never been loved with that love which makes one absolutely first +to a person, nor had I ever so loved. I had--cared very much; but +caring is not loving.--Oh, Boy, I know that now!" + +The doctor's profile showed rather white against the dark-green +background of his chair; but he smiled as he answered: "Quite true, +dear. There is a distinction, and a difference." + +"I had heaps of friends, and amongst them a good many nice men, mostly +rather younger than myself, who called me 'Miss Champion.' to my face, +and 'good old Jane' behind my back." + +The doctor smiled. He had as often heard the expression, and could +recall the whole-hearted affection and admiration in the tones of those +who used it. + +"Men as a rule," Continued Jane, "get on better with me than do women. +Being large and solid, and usually calling a spade 'a spade;' and not +'a garden implement,' women consider me strong-minded, and are inclined +to be afraid of me. The boys know they can trust me; they make a +confidante of me, looking upon me as a sort of convenient elder sister +who knows less about them than an elder sister would know, and is +probably more ready to be interested in those things which they choose +to tell. Among my men friends, Deryck, was Garth Dalmain." + +Jane paused, and the doctor waited silently for her to continue. + +"I was always interested in him, partly because he was so original and +vivid in his way of talking, and partly because"--a bright flush +suddenly crept up into the tanned cheeks-"well, though I did not +realise it then, I suppose I found his extraordinary beauty rather +fascinating. And then, our circumstances were so much alike,--both +orphans, and well off; responsible to no one for our actions; with +heaps of mutual friends, and constantly staying at the same houses. We +drifted into a pleasant intimacy, and of all my friends, he was the one +who made me feel most like `a man and a brother.' We discussed women by +the dozen, all his special admirations in turn, and the effect of their +beauty upon him, and I watched with interest to see who, at last, would +fix his roving fancy. But on one eventful day all this was changed in +half an hour. We were both staying at Overdene. There was a big house +party, and Aunt Georgina had arranged a concert to which half the +neighbourhood was coming. Madame Velma failed at the last minute. Aunt +'Gina, in a great state of mind, was borrowing remarks from her macaw. +You know how? She always says she is merely quoting `the dear bird.' +Something had to be done. I offered to take Velma's place; and I sang." + +"Ah," said the doctor. + +"I sang The Rosary--the song Flower asked for the last time I was here. +Do you remember?" + +The doctor nodded. "I remember." + +"After that, all was changed between Garth and me. I did not understand +it at first. I knew the music had moved him deeply, beauty of sound +having upon him much the same effect as beauty of colour; but I thought +the effect would pass in the night. But the days went on, and there was +always this strange sweet difference; not anything others would notice; +but I suddenly became conscious that, for the first time in my whole +life, I was essential to somebody. I could not enter a room without +realising that he was instantly aware of my presence; I could not leave +a room without knowing that he would at once feel and regret my +absence. The one fact filled and completed all things; the other left a +blank which could not be removed. I knew this, and yet--incredible +though it may appear--I did not realise it meant LOVE. I thought it was +an extraordinarily close bond of sympathy and mutual understanding, +brought about principally by our enjoyment of one another's music. We +spent hours in the music-room. I put it down to that; yet when he +looked at me his eyes seemed to touch as well as see me, and it was a +very tender and wonderful touch. And all the while I never thought of +love. I was so plain and almost middle-aged; and he, such a beautiful, +radiant youth. He was like a young sun-god, and I felt warmed and +vivified when he was near; and he was almost always near. Honestly, +that was my side of the days succeeding the concert. But HIS! He told +me afterwards, Deryck, it had been a sudden revelation to him when he +heard me sing The Rosary, not of music only, but of ME. He said he had +never thought of me otherwise than as a good sort of chum; but then it +was as if a veil were lifted, and he saw, and knew, and felt me as a +woman. And--no doubt it will seem odd to you. Boy; it did to me;--but +he said, that the woman he found then was his ideal of womanhood, and +that from that hour he wanted me for his own as he had never wanted +anything before." + +Jane paused, and looked into the glowing heart of the fire. + +The doctor turned slowly and looked at Jane. He himself had experienced +the intense attraction of her womanliness,--all the more overpowering +when it was realised, because it did not appear upon the surface. He +had sensed the strong mother-tenderness lying dormant within her; had +known that her arms would prove a haven of refuge, her bosom a soothing +pillow, her love a consolation unspeakable. In his own days of +loneliness and disappointment, the doctor had had to flee from this in +Jane,--a precious gift, so easy to have taken because of her very +ignorance of it; but a gift to which he had no right. Thus the doctor +could well understand the hold it would gain upon a man who had +discovered it, and who was free to win it for his own. + +But he only said, "I do not think it odd, dear." + +Jane had forgotten the doctor. She came back promptly from the glowing +heart of the fire. + +"I am glad you don't," she said. "I did.--well, we both left Overdene +on the same day. I came to you; he went to Shenstone. It was a Tuesday. +On the Friday I went down to Shenstone, and we met again. Having been +apart for a little while seemed to make this curious feeling of +`togetherness,' deeper and sweeter than ever. In the Shenstone house +party was that lovely American girl, Pauline Lister. Garth was +enthusiastic about her beauty, and set on painting her. Everybody made +sure he was going to propose to her. Deryck, I thought so, too; in fact +I had advised him to do it. I felt so pleased and interested over it, +though all the while his eyes touched me when he looked at me, and I +knew the day did not begin for him until we had met, and was over when +we had said good-night. And this experience of being first and most to +him made everything so golden, and life so rich, and still I thought of +it only as an unusually delightful friendship. But the evening of my +arrival at Shenstone he asked me to come out on to the terrace after +dinner, as he wanted specially to talk to me. Deryck, I thought it was +the usual proceeding of making a confidante of me, and that I was to +hear details of his intentions regarding Miss Lister. Thinking that, I +walked calmly out beside him; sat down on the parapet, in the brilliant +moonlight, and quietly waited for him to begin. Then--oh, Deryck! It +happened." + +Jane put her elbows on her knees, and buried her face in her clasped +hands. + +"I cannot tell you--details. His love--it just poured over me like +molten gold. It melted the shell of my reserve; it burst through the +ice of my convictions; it swept me off my feet upon a torrent of +wondrous fire. I knew nothing in heaven or earth but that this love was +mine, and was for me. And then--oh, Deryck! I can't explain--I don't +know myself how it happened--but this whirlwind of emotion came to rest +upon my heart. He knelt with his arms around me, and we held each other +in a sudden great stillness; and in that moment I was all his, and he +knew it. He might have stayed there hours if he had not moved or +spoken; but presently he lifted up his face and looked at me. Then he +said two words. I can't repeat them, Boy; but they brought me suddenly +to my senses, and made me realise what it all meant. Garth Dalmain +wanted me to marry him." + +Jane paused, awaiting the doctor's expression of surprise. + +"What else could it have meant?" said Deryck Brand, very quietly. He +passed his hand over his lips, knowing they trembled a little. Jane's +confessions were giving him a stiffer time than he had expected. "Well, +dear, so you--?" + +"I stood up," said Jane; "for while he knelt there he was master of me, +mind and body; and some instinct told me that if I were to be won to +wifehood, my reason must say `yes' before the rest of me. It is +`spirit, soul, and body' in the Word, not `body, soul, and spirit,' as +is so often misquoted; and I believe the inspired sequence to be the +right one." + +The doctor made a quick movement of interest. "Good heavens, Jane!" he +said. "You have got hold of a truth there, and you have expressed it +exactly as I have often wanted to express it without being able to find +the right words. You have found them, Jeanette." + +She looked into his eager eyes and smiled sadly. "Have I, Boy?" she +said. "Well, they have cost me dear.--I put my lover from me and told +him I must have twelve hours for calm reflection. He was so sure--so +sure of me, so sure of himself--that he agreed without a protest. At my +request he left me at once. The manner of his going I cannot tell, even +to you, Dicky. I promised to meet him at the village church next day +and give him my answer. He was to try the new organ at eleven. We knew +we should be alone. I came. He sent away the blower. He called me to +him at the chancel step. The setting was so perfect. The artist in him +sang for joy, and thrilled with expectation. The glory of absolute +certainty was in his eyes; though he had himself well in hand. He kept +from touching me while he asked for my answer. Then--I refused him, +point blank, giving a reason he could not question. He turned from me +and left the church, and I have not spoken to him from that day to +this." + +A long silence in the doctor's consulting-room. One manly heart was +entering into the pain of another, and yet striving not to be indignant +until he knew the whole truth. + +Jane's spirit was strung up to the same pitch as in that fateful hour, +and once more she thought herself right. + +At last the doctor spoke. He looked at her searchingly now, and held +her eyes. + +"And why did you refuse him, Jane?" The kind voice was rather stern. + +Jane put out her hands to him appealingly. "Ah, Boy, I must make you +understand! How could I do otherwise, though, indeed, it was putting +away the highest good life will ever hold for me? Deryck, you know +Garth well enough to realise how dependent he is on beauty; he must be +surrounded by it, perpetually. Before this unaccountable need of each +other came to us he had talked to me quite freely on this point, saying +of a plain person whose character and gifts he greatly admired, and +whose face he grew to like in consequence: 'But of course it was not +the sort of face one would have wanted to live with, or to have day +after day opposite to one at table; but then one was not called to that +sort of discipline, which would be martyrdom to me.' Oh, Deryck! Could +I have tied Garth to my plain face? Could I have let myself become a +daily, hourly discipline to that radiant, beauty-loving nature? I know +they say, 'Love is blind.' But that is before Love has entered into his +kingdom. Love desirous, sees only that, in the one beloved, which has +awakened the desire. But Love content, regains full vision, and, as +time goes on, those powers of vision increase and become, by means of +daily, hourly, use,--microscopic and telescopic. Wedded love is not +blind. Bah! An outsider staying with married people is apt to hear what +love sees, on both sides, and the delusion of love's blindness is +dispelled forever. I know Garth was blind, during all those golden +days, to my utter lack of beauty, because he wanted ME so much. But +when he had had me, and had steeped himself in all I have to give of +soul and spirit beauty; when the daily routine of life began, which +after all has to be lived in complexions, and with features to the +fore; when he sat down to breakfast and I saw him glance at me and then +look away, when I was conscious that I was sitting behind the +coffee-pot, looking my very plainest, and that in consequence my boy's +discipline had begun; could I have borne it? Should I not, in the +miserable sense of failing him day by day, through no fault of my own, +have grown plainer and plainer; until bitterness and disappointment, +and perhaps jealousy, all combined to make me positively ugly? I ask +you, Deryck, could I have borne it?" + +The doctor was looking at Jane with an expression of keen professional +interest. + +"How awfully well I diagnosed the case when I sent you abroad," he +remarked meditatively. "Really, with so little data to go upon--" + +"Oh, Boy," cried Jane, with a movement of impatience, "don't speak to +me as if I were a patient. Treat me as a human being, at least, and +tell me--as man to man--could I have tied Garth Dalmain to my plain +face? For you know it is plain." + +The doctor laughed. He was glad to make Jane a little angry. "My dear +girl," he said, "were we speaking as man to man, I should have a few +very strong things to say to you. As we are speaking as man to +woman,--and as a man who has for a very long time respected, honoured, +and admired a very dear and noble woman,--I will answer your question +frankly. You are not beautiful, in the ordinary acceptation of the +word, and no one who really loves you would answer otherwise; because +no one who knows and loves you would dream of telling you a lie. We +will even allow, if you like, that you are plain, although I know half +a dozen young men who, were they here, would want to kick me into the +street for saying so, and I should have to pretend in self-defence that +their ears had played them false and I had said, 'You are JANE,' which +is all they would consider mattered. So long as you are yourself, your +friends will be well content. At the same time, I may add, while this +dear face is under discussion, that I can look back to times when I +have felt that I would gladly walk twenty miles for a sight of it; and +in its absence I have always wished it present, and in its presence I +have never wished it away." + +"Ah, but, Deryck, you did not have to have it always opposite you at +meals," insisted Jane gravely. + +"Unfortunately not. But I enjoyed the meals more on the happy occasions +when it was there." + +"And, Deryck--YOU DID NOT HAVE TO KISS IT." + +The doctor threw back his head and shouted with laughter, so that +Flower, passing up the stairs, wondered what turn the conversation +could be taking. + +But Jane was quite serious; and saw in it no laughing matter. + +"No, dear," said the doctor when he had recovered; "to my infinite +credit be it recorded, that in all the years I have known it I have +never once kissed it." + +"Dicky, don't tease! Oh, Boy, it is the most vital question of my whole +life; and if you do not now give me wise and thoughtful advice, all +this difficult confession will have been for nothing." + +The doctor became grave immediately. He leaned forward and took those +clasped hands between his. + +"Dear," he said, "forgive me if I seemed to take it lightly. My most +earnest thought is wholly at your disposal. And now let me ask you a +few questions. How did you ever succeed in convincing Dalmain that such +a thing as this was an insuperable obstacle to your marriage?" + +"I did not give it as a reason." + +"What then did you give as your reason for refusing him?" + +"I asked him how old he was." + +"Jane! Standing there beside him in the chancel, where he had come +awaiting your answer?" + +"Yes. It did seem awful when I came to think it over afterwards. But it +worked." + +"I have no doubt it worked. What then?" + +"He said he was twenty-seven. I said I was thirty, and looked +thirty-five, and felt forty. I also said he might be twenty-seven, but +he looked nineteen, and I was sure he often felt nine." + +"Well?" + +"Then I said that I could not marry a mere boy." + +"And he acquiesced?" + +"He seemed stunned at first. Then he said of course I could not marry +him if I considered him that. He said it was the first time he had +given a thought to himself in the matter. Then he said he bowed to my +decision, and he walked down the church and went out, and we have not +met since." + +"Jane," said the doctor, "I wonder he did not see through it. You are +so unused to lying, that you cannot have lied, on the chancel step, to +the man you loved, with much conviction." + +A dull red crept up beneath Jane's tan. + +"Oh, Deryck, it was not entirely a lie. It was one of those dreadful +lies which are 'part a truth,' of which Tennyson says that they are 'a +harder matter to fight.'" + + "'A lie which is all a lie + May be met and fought with outright; + But a lie which is part a truth + Is a harder matter to fight,'" + +quoted the doctor. + +"Yes," said Jane. "And he could not fight this, just because it was +partly true. He is younger than I by three years, and still more by +temperament. It was partly for his delightful youthfulness that I +feared my maturity and staidness. It was part a truth, but oh, Deryck, +it was more a lie; and it was altogether a lie to call him--the man +whom I had felt complete master of me the evening before--'a mere boy.' +Also he could not fight it because it took him so utterly by surprise. +He had been all the time as completely without self-consciousness, as I +had been morbidly full of it. His whole thought had been of me. Mine +had been of him and--of myself." + +"Jane," said the doctor, "of all that you have suffered since that +hour, you deserved every pang." + +Jane bent her head. "I know," she said. + +"You were false to yourself, and not true to your lover. You robbed and +defrauded both. Cannot you now see your mistake? To take it on the +lowest ground, Dalmain, worshipper of beauty as he was, had had a +surfeit of pretty faces. He was like the confectioner's boy who when +first engaged is allowed to eat all the cakes and sweets he likes, and +who eats so many in the first week, that ever after he wants only plain +bread-and-butter. YOU were Dal's bread-and-butter. I am sorry if you do +not like the simile." + +Jane smiled. "I do like the simile," she said. + +"Ah, but you were far more than this, my dear girl. You were his ideal +of womanhood. He believed in your strength and tenderness, your +graciousness and truth. You shattered this ideal; you failed this faith +in you. His fanciful, artistic, eclectic nature with all its unused +possibilities of faithful and passionate devotion, had found its haven +in your love; and in twelve hours you turned it adrift. Jane--it was a +crime. The magnificent strength of the fellow is shown by the way he +took it. His progress in his art was not arrested. All his best work +has been done since. He has made no bad mad marriage, in mockery of his +own pain; and no grand loveless one, to spite you. He might have done +both--I mean either. And when I realise that the poor fellow I was with +yesterday--making such a brave fight in the dark, and turning his head +on the pillow to say with a gleam of hope on his drawn face: `Where +Thou art Guide, no ill can come'--had already been put through all this +by you--Jane, if you were a man, I'd horsewhip you!" said the doctor. + +Jane squared her shoulders and lifted her head with more of her old +spirit than she had yet shown. + +"You have lashed me well, Boy," she said, "as only words spoken in +faithful indignation can lash. And I feel the better for the pain.-- +And now I think I ought to tell you that while I was on the top of the +Great Pyramid I suddenly saw the matter from a different standpoint. +You remember that view, with its sharp line of demarcation? On one side +the river, and verdure, vegetation, fruitfulness, a veritable 'garden +enclosed'; on the other, vast space as far as the eye could reach; +golden liberty, away to the horizon, but no sign of vegetation, no hope +of cultivation, just barren, arid, loneliness. I felt this was an exact +picture of my life as I live it now. Garth's love, flowing through it, +as the river, could have made it a veritable 'garden of the Lord.' It +would have meant less liberty, but it would also have meant no +loneliness. And, after all, the liberty to live for self alone becomes +in time a weary bondage. Then I realised that I had condemned him also +to this hard desert life. I came down and took counsel of the old +Sphinx. Those calm, wise eyes, looking on into futurity, seemed to say: +'They only live who love.' That evening I resolved to give up the Nile +trip, return home immediately, send for Garth, admit all to him, asking +him to let us both begin again just where we were three years ago in +the moonlight on the terrace at Shenstone. Ten minutes after I had +formed this decision, I heard of his accident." + +The doctor shaded his face with his hand. "The wheels of time," he said +in a low voice, "move forward--always; backward, never." + +"Oh, Deryck," cried Jane, "sometimes they do. You and Flower know that +sometimes they do." + +The doctor smiled sadly and very tenderly. "I know," he said, "that +there is always one exception which proves every rule." Then he added +quickly: "But, unquestionably, it helps to mend matters, so far as your +own mental attitude is concerned, that before you knew of Dalmain's +blindness you should have admitted yourself wrong, and made up your +mind to trust him." + +"I don't know that I was altogether clear about having been wrong," +said Jane, "but I was quite convinced that I couldn't live any longer +without him, and was therefore prepared to risk it. And of course now, +all doubt or need to question is swept away by my poor boy's accident, +which simplifies matters, where that particular point is concerned." + +The doctor looked at Jane with a sudden raising of his level brows. +"Simplifies matters?" he said. + +Then, as Jane, apparently satisfied with the expression, did not +attempt to qualify it, he rose and stirred the fire; standing over it +for a few moments in silent thought. When he sat down again, his voice +was very quiet, but there was an alertness about his expression which +roused Jane. She felt that the crisis of their conversation had been +reached. + +"And now, my dear Jeanette," said the doctor, "suppose you tell me what +you intend doing." + +"Doing?" said Jane. "Why, of course, I shall go straight to Garth. I +only want you to advise me how best to let him know I am coming, and +whether it is safe for him to have the emotion of my arrival. Also I +don't want to risk being kept from him by doctors or nurses. My place +is by his side. I ask no better thing of life than to be always beside +him. But sick-room attendants are apt to be pig-headed; and a fuss +under these circumstances would be unbearable. A wire from you will +make all clear." + +"I see," said the doctor slowly. "Yes, a wire from me will undoubtedly +open a way for you to Garth Dalmain's bedside. And, arrived there, what +then?" + +A smile of ineffable tenderness parted Jane's lips. The doctor saw it, +but turned away immediately. It was not for him, or for any man, to see +that look. The eyes which should have seen it were sightless evermore. + +"What then, Deryck? Love will know best what then. All barriers will be +swept away, and Garth and I will be together." + +The doctor's finger-tips met very exactly before he spoke again; and +when he did speak, his tone was very level and very kind. + +"Ah, Jane," he said, "that is the woman's point of view. It is +certainly the simplest, and perhaps the best. But at Garth's bedside +you will be confronted with the man's point of view; and I should be +failing the trust you have placed in me did I not put that before you +now.--From the man's point of view, your own mistaken action three +years ago has placed you now in an almost impossible position. If you +go to Garth with the simple offer of your love--the treasure he asked +three years ago and failed to win--he will naturally conclude the love +now given is mainly pity; and Garth Dalmain is not the man to be +content with pity, where he has thought to win love, and failed. Nor +would he allow any woman--least of all his crown of womanhood--to tie +herself to his blindness unless he were sure such binding was her +deepest joy. And how could you expect him to believe this in face of +the fact that, when he was all a woman's heart could desire, you +refused him and sent him from you?--If, on the other hand, you explain, +as no doubt you intend to do, the reason of that refusal, he can but +say one thing: 'You could not trust me to be faithful when I had my +sight. Blind, you come to me, when it is no longer in my power to prove +my fidelity. There is no virtue in necessity. I can never feel I +possess your trust, because you come to me only when accident has put +it out of my power either to do the thing you feared, or to prove +myself better than your doubts.' My dear girl, that is how matters +stand from the man's point of view; from his, I make no doubt, even +more than from mine; for I recognise in Garth Dalmain a stronger man +than myself. Had it been I that day in the church, wanting you as he +did, I should have grovelled at your feet and promised to grow up. +Garth Dalmain had the iron strength to turn and go, without a protest, +when the woman who had owned him mate the evening before, refused him +on the score of inadequacy the next morning. I fear there is no +question of the view he would take of the situation as it now stands." + +Jane's pale, startled face went to the doctor's heart. + +"But Deryck--he--loves--" + +"Just because he loves, my poor old girl, where you are concerned he +could never be content with less than the best." + +"Oh, Boy, help me! Find a way! Tell me what to do!" Despair was in +Jane's eyes. + +The doctor considered long, in silence. At last he said: "I see only +one way out. If Dal could somehow be brought to realise your point of +view at that time as a possible one, without knowing it had actually +been the cause of your refusal of him, and could have the chance to +express himself clearly on the subject--to me, for instance--in a way +which might reach you without being meant to reach you, it might put +you in a better position toward him. But it would be difficult to +manage. If you could be in close contact with his mind, constantly near +him unseen--ah, poor chap, that is easy now--I mean unknown to him; if, +for instance, you could be in the shoes of this nurse-companion person +I am sending him, and get at his mind on the matter; so that he could +feel when you eventually made your confession, he had already justified +himself to you, and thus gone behind his blindness, as it were." + +Jane bounded in her chair. "Deryck, I have it! Oh, send ME as his +nurse-companion! He would never dream it was I. It is three years since +he heard my voice, and he thinks me in Egypt. The society column in all +the papers, a few weeks ago, mentioned me as wintering in Egypt and +Syria and remaining abroad until May. Not a soul knows I have come +home. You are the best judge as to whether I have had training and +experience; and all through the war our work was fully as much mental +and spiritual, as surgical. It was not up to much otherwise. Oh, Dicky, +you could safely recommend me; and I still have my uniforms stowed away +in case of need. I could be ready in twenty-four hours, and I would go +as Sister--anything, and eat in the kitchen if necessary." + +"But, my dear girl," said the doctor quietly, "you could not go as +Sister Anything, unfortunately. You could only go as Nurse Rosemary +Gray; for I engaged her this morning, and posted a full and explicit +account of her to Dr. Mackenzie, which he will read, to our patient. I +never take a case from one nurse and give it to another, excepting for +incompetency. And Nurse Rosemary Gray could more easily fly, than prove +incompetent. She will not be required to eat in the kitchen. She is a +gentlewoman, and will be treated as such. I wish indeed you could be in +her shoes, though I doubt whether you could have carried it +through--And now I have something to tell you. Just before I left him, +Dalmain asked after you. He sandwiched you most carefully in between +the duchess and Flower; but he could not keep the blood out of his thin +cheeks, and he gripped the bedclothes in his effort to keep his voice +steady. He asked where you were. I said, I believed, in Egypt. When you +were coming home. I told him I had heard you intended returning to +Jerusalem for Easter, and I supposed we might expect you home at the +end of April or early in May. He inquired how you were. I replied that +you were not a good correspondent, but I gathered from occasional +cables and post-cards that you were very fit and having a good time. I +then volunteered the statement that it was I who had sent you abroad +because you were going all to pieces. He made a quick movement with his +hand as if he would have struck me for using the expression. Then he +said: 'Going to pieces? SHE!' in a tone of most utter contempt for me +and my opinions. Then he hastily made minute inquiries for Flower. He +had already asked about the duchess all the questions he intended +asking about you. When he had ascertained that Flower was at home and +well, and had sent him her affectionate sympathy, he begged me to +glance through a pile of letters which were waiting until he felt able +to have them read to him, and to tell him any of the handwritings known +to me. All the world seemed to have sent him letters of sympathy, poor +chap. I told him a dozen or so of the names I knew,--a royal +handwriting among them. He asked whether there were any from abroad. +There were two or three. I knew them all, and named them. He could not +bear to hear any of them read; even the royal letter remained unopened, +though he asked to have it in his hand, and fingered the tiny crimson +crown. Then he asked. 'Is there one from the duchess?' There was. He +wished to hear that one, so I opened and read it. It was very +characteristic of her Grace; full of kindly sympathy, heartily yet +tactfully expressed. Half-way through she said: 'Jane will be upset. I +shall write and tell her next time she sends me an address. At present +I have no idea in which quarter of the globe my dear niece is to be +found. Last time I heard of her she seemed in a fair way towards +marrying a little Jap and settling in Japan. Not a bad idea, my dear +Dal, is it? Though, if Japan is at all like the paper screens, I don't +know where in that Liliputian country they will find a house, or a +husband, or a what-do-you-call-'em thing they ride in, solid enough for +our good Jane!' With intuitive tact of a very high order, I omitted +this entire passage about marrying the Jap. When your aunt's letter was +finished, he asked point blank whether there was one from you. I said +No, but that it was unlikely the news had reached you, and I felt sure +you would write when it did. So I hope you will, dear; and Nurse +Rosemary Gray will have instructions to read all his letters to him." + +"Oh, Deryck," said Jane brokenly, "I can't bear it! I must go to him!" + +The telephone bell on the doctor's table whirred sharply. He went over +and took up the receiver. + +"Hullo! ... Yes, it is Dr. Brand.... Who is speaking? ... Oh, is +it you, Matron?"--Jane felt quite sorry the matron could not see the +doctor's charming smile into the telephone.--"Yes? What name did you +say? ... Undoubtedly. This morning; quite definitely. A most +important case. She is to call and see me to-night ... What? ... +Mistake on register? Ah, I see ... Gone where? ... Where? ... +Spell it, please ... Australia! Oh, quite out of reach! ... Yes, I +heard he was ordered there ... Never mind, Matron. You are in no way +to blame ... Thanks, I think not. I have some one in view ... Yes.... +Yes.... No doubt she might do ... I will let you know if I +should require her ... Good-bye, Matron, and thank you." + +The doctor hung up the receiver. Then he turned to Jane; a slow, +half-doubtful smile gathering on his lips. + +"Jeanette," he said, "I do not believe in chance. But I do believe in a +Higher Control, which makes and unmakes our plans. You shall go." + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + +THE DOCTOR FINDS A WAY + + +"And now as to ways and means," said the doctor, when Jane felt better. +"You must leave by the night mail from Euston, the day after to-morrow. +Can you be ready?" + +"I am ready," said Jane. + +"You must go as Nurse Rosemary Gray." + +"I don't like that," Jane interposed. "I should prefer a fictitious +name. Suppose the real Rosemary Gray turned up, or some one who knows +her." + +"My, dear girl, she is half-way to Australia by now, and you will see +no one up there but the household and the doctor. Any one who turned up +would be more likely to know you. We must take these risks. Besides, in +case of complications arising, I will give you a note, which you can +produce at once, explaining the situation, and stating that in agreeing +to fill the breach you consented at my request to take the name in +order to prevent any necessity for explanations to the patient, which +at this particular juncture would be most prejudicial. I can honestly +say this, it being even more true than appears. So you must dress the +part, Jane, and endeavour to look the part, so far as your five foot +eleven will permit; for please remember that I have described you to +Dr. Mackenzie as 'a pretty, dainty little thing, refined and elegant, +and considerably more capable than she looks.'" + +"Dicky! He will instantly realise that I am not the person mentioned in +your letter." + +"Not so, dear. Remember we have to do with a Scotchman, and a Scotchman +never realises anything 'instantly.' The Gaelic mind works slowly, +though it works exceeding sure. He will be exceeding sure, when he has +contemplated you for a while, that I am a 'verra poor judge o' women,' +and that Nurse Gray is a far finer woman than I described. But he will +have already created for Dalmain, from my letter, a mental picture of +his nurse; which is all that really matters. We must trust to +Providence that old Robbie does not proceed to amend it by the +original. Try to forestall any such conversation. If the good doctor +seems to mistrust you, take him on one side, show him my letter, and +tell him the simple truth. But I do not suppose this will be necessary. +With the patient, you must remember the extreme sensitiveness of a +blind man's hearing. Tread lightly. Do not give him any opportunity to +judge of your height. Try to remember that you are not supposed to be +able to reach the top shelf of an eight-foot bookcase without the aid +of steps or a chair. And when the patient begins to stand and walk, try +to keep him from finding out that his nurse is slightly taller than +himself. This should not be difficult; one of his fixed ideas being +that in his blindness he will not be touched by a woman. His valet will +lead him about. And, Jane, I cannot imagine any one who has ever had +your hand in his, failing to recognise it. So I advise you, from the +first, to avoid shaking hands. But all these precautions do not obviate +the greatest difficulty of all,--your voice. Do you suppose, for a +moment, he will not recognise that?" + +"I shall take the bull by the horns in that case," said Jane, "and you +must help me. Explain the fact to me now, as you might do if I were +really Nurse Rosemary Gray, and had a voice so like my own." + +The doctor smiled. "My dear Nurse Rosemary," he said, "you must not be +surprised if our patient detects a remarkable similarity between your +voice and that of a mutual friend of his and mine. I have constantly +noticed it myself." + +"Indeed, sir," said Jane. "And may I know whose voice mine so closely +resembles?" + +"The Honourable Jane Champion's," said the doctor, with the delightful +smile with which he always spoke to his nurses. "Do you know her?" + +"Slightly," said Jane, "and I hope to know her better and better as the +years go by." + +Then they both laughed. "Thank you, Dicky. Now I shall know what to say +to the patient.--Ah, but the misery of it! Think of it being possible +thus to deceive Garth,--Garth of the bright, keen all--perceiving +vision! Shall I ever have the courage to carry it through?" + +"If you value your own eventual happiness and his you will, dear. And +now I must order the brougham and speed you to Portland Place, or you +will be late--for dinner, a thing the duchess cannot overlook 'as you +very well know,' even in a traveller returned from round the world. And +if you take my advice, you will tell your kind, sensible old aunt the +whole story, omitting of course all moonlight details, and consult her +about this plan. Her shrewd counsel will be invaluable, and you may be +glad of her assistance later on." + +They rose and faced each other on the hearth-rug. + +"Boy," said Jane with emotion, "you have been so good to me, and so +faithful. Whatever happens, I shall be grateful always." + +"Hush," said the doctor. "No need for gratitude when long-standing +debts are paid.--To-morrow I shall not have a free moment, and I +foresee the next day as very full also. But we might dine together at +Euston at seven, and I will see you off. Your train leaves at eight +o'clock, getting you to Aberdeen soon after seven the next morning, and +out to Gleneesh in time for breakfast. You will enjoy arriving in the +early morning light; and the air of the moors braces you +wonderfully.--Thank you, Stoddart. Miss Champion is ready. Hullo, +Flower! Look up, Jane. Flower, and Dicky, and Blossom, are hanging over +the topmost banisters, dropping you showers of kisses. Yes, the river +you mentioned does produce a veritable 'garden of the Lord.' God send +you the same, dear. And now, sit well back, and lower your veil. Ah, I +remember, you don't wear them. Wise girl! If all women followed your +example it would impoverish the opticians. Why? Oh, constant focussing +on spots, for one thing. But lean back, for you must not be seen if you +are supposed to be still in Cairo, waiting to go up the Nile. And, look +here"--the doctor put his head in at the carriage window--"very plain +luggage, mind. The sort of thing nurses speak of as 'my box'; with a +very obvious R. G. on it!" + +"Thank you, Boy," whispered Jane. "You think of everything." + +"I think of YOU," said the doctor. And in all the hard days to come, +Jane often found comfort in remembering those last quiet words. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII + +ENTER--NURSE ROSEMARY + + +Nurse Rosemary Gray had arrived at Gleneesh. + +When she and her "box" were deposited on the platform of the little +wayside railway station, she felt she had indeed dropped from the +clouds; leaving her own world, and her own identity, on some +far-distant planet. + +A motor waited outside the station, and she had a momentary fear lest +she should receive deferential recognition from the chauffeur. But he +was as solid and stolid as any other portion of the car, and paid no +more attention to her than he did to her baggage. The one was a nurse; +the other, a box, both common nouns, and merely articles to be conveyed +to Gleneesh according to orders. So he looked straight before him, +presenting a sphinx-like profile beneath the peak of his leather cap, +while a slow and solemn porter helped Jane and her luggage into the +motor. When she had rewarded the porter with threepence, +conscientiously endeavouring to live down to her box, the chauffeur +moved foot and hand with the silent precision of a machine, they swung +round into the open, and took the road for the hills. + +Up into the fragrant heather and grey rocks; miles of moor and sky and +solitude. More than ever Jane felt as if she had dropped into another +world, and so small an incident as the omission of the usual respectful +salute of a servant, gave her a delightful sense of success and +security in her new role. + +She had often heard of Garth's old castle up in the North, an +inheritance from his mother's family, but was hardly prepared for so +much picturesque beauty or such stateliness of archway and entrance. As +they wound up the hillside and the grey turrets came into view, with +pine woods behind and above, she seemed to hear Garth's boyish voice +under the cedar at Overdene, with its ring of buoyant enjoyment, +saying: "I should like you to see Castle Gleneesh. You would enjoy the +view from the terrace; and the pine woods, and the moor." And then he +had laughingly declared his intention of getting up a "best party" of +his own, with the duchess as chaperon; and she had promised to make one +of it. And now he, the owner of all this loveliness, was blind and +helpless; and she was entering the fair portals of Gleneesh, unknown to +him, unrecognised by any, as a nurse-secretary sort of person. Jane had +said at Overdene: "Yes, ask us, and see what happens." And now this was +happening. What would happen next? + +Garth's man, Simpson, received her at the door, and again a possible +danger was safely passed. He had entered Garth's service within the +last three years and evidently did not know her by sight. + +Jane stood looking round the old hall, in the leisurely way of one +accustomed to arrive for the first time as guest at the country homes +of her friends; noting the quaint, large fireplace, and the shadowy +antlers high up on the walls. Then she became aware that Simpson, +already half-way up the wide oak staircase, was expecting the nurse to +hurry after him. This she did, and was received at the top of the +staircase by old Margery. It did not require the lawn kerchief, the +black satin apron, and the lavender ribbons, for Jane to recognise +Garth's old Scotch nurse, housekeeper, and friend. One glance at the +grave, kindly face, wrinkled and rosy,--a beautiful combination of +perfect health and advancing years,--was enough. The shrewd, keen eyes, +seeing quickly beneath the surface, were unmistakable. She conducted +Jane to her room, talking all the time in a kindly effort to set her at +her ease, and to express a warm welcome with gentle dignity, not +forgetting the cloud of sadness which hung over the house and rendered +her presence necessary. She called her "Nurse Gray" at the conclusion +of every sentence, with an upward inflection and pretty rolling of the +r's, which charmed Jane. She longed to say: "You old dear! How I shall +enjoy being in the house with you!" but remembered in time that a +remark which would have been gratifying condescension on the part of +the Honourable Jane Champion, would be little short of impertinent +familiarity from Nurse Rosemary Gray. So she followed meekly into the +pretty room prepared for her; admired the chintz; answered questions +about her night journey; admitted that she would be very glad of +breakfast, but still more of a bath if convenient. + +And now bath and breakfast were both over, and Jane was standing beside +the window in her room, looking down at the wonderful view, and waiting +until the local doctor should arrive and summon her to Garth's room. + +She had put on the freshest-looking and most business-like of her +uniforms, a blue print gown, linen collar and cuffs, and a white apron +with shoulder straps and large pockets. She also wore the becoming cap +belonging to one of the institutions to which she had once been for +training. She did not intend wearing this later on, but just this +morning she omitted no detail which could impress Dr. Mackenzie with +her extremely professional appearance. She was painfully conscious that +the severe simplicity of her dress tended rather to add to her height, +notwithstanding her low-heeled ward shoes with their noiseless rubber +soles. She could but hope Deryck would prove right as to the view Dr. +Mackenzie would take. + +And then far away in the distance, along the white ribbon of road, +winding up from the valley, she saw a high gig, trotting swiftly; one +man in it, and a small groom seated behind. Her hour had come. + +Jane fell upon her knees, at the window, and prayed for strength, +wisdom, and courage. She could realise absolutely nothing. She had +thought so much and so continuously, that all mental vision was out of +focus and had become a blur. Even his dear face had faded and was +hidden from her when she frantically strove to recall it to her mental +view. Only the actual fact remained clear, that in a few short minutes +she would be taken to the room where he lay. She would see the face she +had not seen since they stood together at the chancel step--the face +from which the glad confidence slowly faded, a horror of chill +disillusion taking its place. + + "Anoint and cheer our soiled face + With the abundance of Thy grace." + +She would see that dear face, and he, sightless, would not see hers, +but would be easily deluded into believing her to be some one else. + +The gig had turned the last bend of the road, and passed out of sight +on its way to the front of the house. + +Jane rose and stood waiting. Suddenly she remembered two sentences of +her conversation with Deryck. She had said: "Shall I ever have the +courage to carry it through?" And Deryck had answered, earnestly: "If +you value your own eventual happiness and his, you will." + +A tap came at her door. Jane walked across the room, and opened it. + +Simpson stood on the threshold. + +"Dr. Mackenzie is in the library, nurse," he said, "and wishes to see +you there." + +"Then, will you kindly take me to the library, Mr. Simpson," said Nurse +Rosemary Gray. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + +THE NAPOLEON OF THE MOORS + + +On the bear-skin rug, with his back to the fire, stood Dr. Robert +Mackenzie, known to his friends as "Dr. Rob" or "Old Robbie," according +to their degrees of intimacy. + +Jane's first impression was of a short, stout man, in a sealskin +waistcoat which had seen better days, a light box-cloth overcoat three +sizes too large for him, a Napoleonic attitude,--little spindle legs +planted far apart, arms folded on chest, shoulders hunched up,--which +led one to expect, as the eye travelled upwards, an ivory-white +complexion, a Roman nose, masterful jaw, and thin lips folded in a line +of conscious power. Instead of which one found a red, freckled face, a +nose which turned cheerfully skyward, a fat pink chin, and drooping +sandy moustache. The only striking feature of the face was a pair of +keen blue eyes, which, when turned upon any one intently, almost +disappeared beneath bushy red eyebrows and became little points of +turquoise light. + +Jane had not been in his presence two minutes before she perceived +that, when his mind was working, he was entirely unconscious of his +body, which was apt to do most peculiar things automatically; so that +his friends had passed round the remark: "Robbie chews up dozens of +good pen-holders, while Dr. Mackenzie is thinking out excellent +prescriptions." + +When Jane entered, his eyes were fixed upon an open letter, which she +instinctively knew to be Deryck's, and he did not look up at once. When +he did look up, she saw his unmistakable start of surprise. He opened +his mouth to speak, and Jane was irresistibly reminded of a tame +goldfish at Overdene, which used to rise to the surface when the +duchess dropped crumbs. He closed it without uttering a word, and +turned again to Deryck's letter; and Jane felt herself to be the crumb, +or rather the camel, which he was finding it difficult to swallow. + +She waited in respectful silence, and Deryck's words passed with +calming effect through the palpitating suspense of her brain. "The +Gaelic mind works slowly, though it works exceeding sure. He will be +exceeding sure that I am a verra poor judge o' women." + +At last the little man on the hearth-rug lifted his eyes again to +Jane's; and, alas, how high he had to lift them! + +"Nurse--er?" he said inquiringly, and Jane thought his searching eyes +looked like little bits of broken blue china in a hay-stack. + +"Rosemary Gray," replied Jane meekly, with a curtsey in her voice; +feeling as if they were rehearsing amateur theatricals at Overdene, and +the next minute the duchess's cane would rap the floor and they would +be told to speak up and not be so slow. + +"Ah," said Dr. Robert Mackenzie, "I see." + +He stared hard at the carpet in a distant corner of the room, then +walked across and picked up a spline broken from a bass broom; brought +it back to the hearth-rug; examined it with minute attention; then put +one end between his teeth and began to chew it. + +Jane wondered what was the correct thing to do at this sort of +interview, when a doctor neither sat down himself nor suggested that +the nurse should do so. She wished she had asked Deryck. But he could +not possibly have enlightened her, because the first thing he always +said to a nurse was: "My dear Nurse SO-AND-SO, pray sit down. People +who have much unavoidable standing to do should cultivate the habit of +seating themselves comfortably at every possible opportunity." + +But the stout little person on the hearth-rug was not Deryck. So Jane +stood at attention, and watched the stiff bit of bass wag up and down, +and shorten, inch by inch. When it had finally disappeared, Dr. Robert +Mackenzie spoke again. + +"So you have arrived, Nurse Gray," he said. + +"Truly the mind of a Scotchman works slowly," thought Jane, but she was +thankful to detect the complete acceptance of herself in his tone. +Deryck was right; and oh the relief of not having to take this +unspeakable little man into her confidence in this matter of the +deception to be practised on Garth. + +"Yes, sir, I have arrived," she said. + +Another period of silence. A fragment of the bass broom reappeared and +vanished once more, before Dr. Mackenzie spoke again. + +"I am glad you have arrived, Nurse Gray," he said. + +"I am glad TO have arrived, sir," said Jane gravely, almost expecting +to hear the duchess's delighted "Ha, ha!" from the wings. The little +comedy was progressing. + +Then suddenly she became aware that during the last few minutes Dr. +Mackenzie's mind had been concentrated upon something else. She had not +filled it at all. The next moment it was turned upon her and two swift +turquoise gleams from under the shaggy brows swept over her, with the +rapidity and brightness of search-lights. Dr. Mackenzie commenced +speaking quickly, with a wonderful rolling of r's. + +"I understand, Miss Gray, you have come to minister to the patient's +mind rather than to his body. You need not trouble to explain. I have +it from Sir Deryck Brand, who prescribed a nurse-companion for the +patient, and engaged you. I fully agreed with his prescription; and, +allow me to say, I admire its ingredients." + +Jane bowed, and realised how the duchess would be chuckling. What an +insufferable little person! Jane had time to think this, while he +walked across to the table-cloth, bent over it, and examined an ancient +spot of ink. Finding a drop of candle grease near it, he removed it +with his thumb nail; brought it carefully to the fire, and laid it on +the coals. He watched it melt, fizzle, and flare, with an intense +concentration of interest; then jumped round on Jane, and caught her +look of fury. + +"And I think there remains very little for me to say to you about the +treatment, Miss Gray," he finished calmly. "You will have received +minute instructions from Sir Deryck himself. The great thing now is to +help the patient to take an interest in the outer world. The temptation +to persons who suddenly become totally blind, is to form a habit of +living entirely in a world within; a world of recollection, +retrospection, and imagination; the only world, in fact, in which they +can see." + +Jane made a quick movement of appreciation and interest. After all she +might learn something useful from this eccentric little Scotchman. Oh +to keep his attention off rubbish on the carpet, and grease spots on +the table-cloth! + +"Yes?" she said. "Do tell me more." + +"This," continued Dr. Mackenzie, "is our present difficulty with Mr. +Dalmain. There seems to be no possibility of arousing his interest in +the outside world. He refuses to receive visitors; he declines to hear +his letters. Hours pass without a word being spoken by him. Unless you +hear him speak to me or to his valet, you will easily suppose yourself +to have a patient who has lost the power of speech as well as the gift +of sight. Should he express a wish to speak to me alone when we are +with him, do not leave the room. Walk over to the fireplace and remain +there. I desire that you should hear, that when he chooses to rouse and +make an effort, he is perfectly well able to do so. The most important +part of your duties, Nurse Gray, will be the aiding him day by day to +resume life,--the life of a blind man, it is true; but not therefore +necessarily an inactive life. Now that all danger of inflammation from +the wounds has subsided, he may get up, move about, learn to find his +way by sound and touch. He was an artist by profession. He will never +paint again. But there are other gifts which may form reasonable +outlets to an artistic nature." + +He paused suddenly, having apparently caught sight of another grease +spot, and walked over to the table; but the next instant jumped round +on Jane, quick as lightning, with a question. + +"Does he play?" said Dr. Rob. + +But Jane was on her guard, even against accidental surprises. + +"Sir Deryck did not happen to mention to me, Dr. Mackenzie, whether Mr. +Dalmain is musical or not." + +"Ah, well," said the little doctor, resuming his Napoleonic attitude in +the centre of the hearth-rug; "you must make it your business to find +out. And, by the way, Nurse, do you play yourself?" + +"A little," said Jane. + +"Ah," said Dr. Rob. "And I dare say you sing a little, too?" + +Jane acquiesced. + +"In that case, my dear lady, I leave most explicit orders that you +neither sing a little nor play a little to Mr. Dalmain. We, who have +our sight, can just endure while people who 'play a little' show us how +little they can play; because we are able to look round about us and +think of other things. But to a blind man, with an artist's sensitive +soul, the experience might culminate in madness. We must not risk it. I +regret to appear uncomplimentary, but a patient's welfare must take +precedence of all other considerations." + +Jane smiled. She was beginning to like Dr. Rob. + +"I will be most careful," she said, "neither to play nor to sing to Mr. +Dalmain." + +"Good," said Dr. Mackenzie. "But now let me tell you what you most +certainly may do, by-and-by. Lead him to the piano. Place him there +upon a seat where he will feel secure; none of your twirly, rickety +stools. Make a little notch on the key-board by which he can easily +find middle C. Then let him relieve his pent-up soul by the painting of +sound-pictures. You will find this will soon keep him happy for hours. +And, if he is already something of a musician,--as that huge grand +piano, with no knick-knacks on it indicates,--he may begin that sort of +thing at once, before he is ready to be worried with the Braille +system, or any other method of instructing the blind. But contrive an +easy way--a little notch in the wood-work below the note--by means of +which, without hesitation or irritation, he can locate himself +instantly at middle C. Never mind the other notes. It is all the SEEING +he will require when once he is at the piano. Ha, ha! Not bad for a +Scotchman, eh, Nurse Gray?" + +But Jane could not laugh; though somewhere in her mental background she +seemed to hear laughter and applause from the duchess. This was no +comedy to Jane,--her blind Garth at the piano, his dear beautiful head +bent over the keys, his fingers feeling for that pathetic little notch, +to be made by herself, below middle C. She loathed this individual who +could make a pun on the subject of Garth's blindness, and, in the back +of her mind, Tommy seemed to join the duchess, flapping up and down on +his perch and shrieking: "Kick him out! Stop his jaw!" + +"And now," said Dr. Mackenzie unexpectedly, "the next thing to be done, +Nurse Gray, is to introduce you to the patient." + +Jane felt the blood slowly leave her face and concentrate in a terrible +pounding at her heart. But she stood her ground, and waited silently. + +Dr. Mackenzie rang the bell. Simpson appeared. + +"A decanter of sherry, a wine-glass, and a couple of biscuits," said +Dr. Rob. + +Simpson vanished. + +"Little beast!" thought Jane. "At eleven o'clock in the morning!". + +Dr. Rob stood, and waited; tugging spitefully at his red moustache, and +looking intently out of the window. + +Simpson reappeared, placed a small tray on the table, and went quietly +out, closing the door behind him. + +Dr. Rob poured out a glass of sherry, drew up a chair to the table, and +said: "Now, Nurse, sit down and drink that, and take a biscuit with it." + +Jane protested. "But, indeed, doctor, I never--" + +"I have no doubt you 'never,'" said Dr. Rob, "especially at eleven +o'clock in the morning. But you will to-day; so do not waste any time +in discussion. You have had a long night journey; you are going +upstairs to a very sad sight indeed, a strain on the nerves and +sensibilities. You have come through a trying interview with me, and +you are praising Heaven it is over. But you will praise Heaven with +more fervency when you have drunk the sherry. Also you have been +standing during twenty-three minutes and a half. I always stand to +speak myself, and I prefer folk should stand to listen. I can never +talk to people while they loll around. But you will walk upstairs all +the more steadily, Nurse Rosemary Gray, if you sit down now for five +minutes at this table." + +Jane obeyed, touched and humbled. So, after all, it was a kind, +comprehending heart under that old sealskin waistcoat; and a shrewd +understanding of men and matters, in spite of the erratic, somewhat +objectionable exterior. While she drank the wine and finished the +biscuits, he found busy occupation on the other side of the room, +polishing the window with his silk pocket-handkerchief; making a queer +humming noise all the time, like a bee buzzing up the pane. He seemed +to have forgotten her presence; but, just as she put down the empty +glass, he turned and, walking straight across the room, laid his hand +upon her shoulder. + +"Now, Nurse," he said, "follow me upstairs, and, just at first, speak +as little as possible. Remember, every fresh voice intruding into the +still depths of that utter blackness, causes an agony of bewilderment +and disquietude to the patient. Speak little and speak low, and may God +Almighty give you tact and wisdom." + +There was a dignity of conscious knowledge and power in the small +quaint figure which preceded Jane up the staircase. As she followed, +she became aware that her spirit leaned on his and felt sustained and +strengthened. The unexpected conclusion of his sentence, old-fashioned +in its wording, yet almost a prayer, gave her fresh courage. "May God +Almighty give you tact and wisdom," he had said, little guessing how +greatly she needed them. And now another voice, echoing through +memory's arches to organ-music, took up the strain: "Where Thou art +Guide, no ill can come." And with firm though noiseless step, Jane +followed Dr. Mackenzie into the roam where Garth was lying, helpless, +sightless, and disfigured. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX + +THE VOICE IN THE DARKNESS + + +Just the dark head upon the pillow. That was all Jane saw at first, and +she saw it in sunshine. Somehow she had always pictured a darkened +room, forgetting that to him darkness and light were both alike, and +that there was no need to keep out the sunlight, with its healing, +purifying, invigorating powers. + +He had requested to have his bed moved into a corner--the corner +farthest from door, fireplace, and windows--with its left side against +the wall, so that he could feel the blank wall with his hand and, +turning close to it, know himself shut away from all possible prying of +unseen eyes. This was how he now lay, and he did not turn as they +entered. + +Just the dear dark head upon the pillow. It was all Jane saw at first. +Then his right arm in the sleeve of a blue silk sleeping-suit, +stretched slightly behind him as he lay on his left side, the thin +white hand limp and helpless on the coverlet. + +Jane put her hands behind her. The impulse was so strong to fall on her +knees beside the bed, take that poor hand in both her strong ones, and +cover it with kisses. Ah surely, surely then, the dark head would turn +to her, and instead of seeking refuge in the hard, blank wall, he would +hide that sightless face in the boundless tenderness of her arms. But +Deryck's warning voice sounded, grave and persistent: "If you value +your own eventual happiness and his--" So Jane put her hands behind her +back. + +Dr. Mackenzie advanced to the side of the bed and laid his hand upon +Garth's shoulder. Then, with an incredible softening of his rather +strident voice, he spoke so slowly and quietly, that Jane could hardly +believe this to be the man who had jerked out questions, comments, and +orders to her, during the last half-hour. + +"Good morning, Mr. Dalmain. Simpson tells me it has been an excellent +night, the best you have yet had. Now that is good. No doubt you were +relieved to be rid of Johnson, capable though he was, and to be back in +the hands of your own man again. These trained attendants are never +content with doing enough; they always want to do just a little more, +and that little more is a weariness to the patient.--Now I have brought +you to-day one who is prepared to do all you need, and yet who, I feel +sure, will never annoy you by attempting more than you desire. Sir +Deryck Brand's prescription, Nurse Rosemary Gray, is here; and I +believe she is prepared to be companion, secretary, reader, anything +you want, in fact a new pair of eyes for you, Mr. Dalmain, with a +clever brain behind them, and a kind, sympathetic, womanly heart +directing and controlling that brain. Nurse Gray arrived this morning, +Mr. Dalmain." + +No response from the bed. But Garth's hand groped for the wall; touched +it, then dropped listlessly back. + +Jane could not realise that SHE was "Nurse Gray." She only longed that +her poor boy need not be bothered with the woman! It all seemed, at +this moment, a thing apart from herself and him. + +Dr. Mackenzie spoke again. "Nurse Rosemary Gray is in the room, Mr. +Dalmain." + +Then Garth's instinctive chivalry struggled up through the blackness. +He did not turn his head, but his right hand made a little courteous +sign of greeting, and he said in a low, distinct voice: "How do you do? +I am sure it is most kind of you to come so far. I hope you had an easy +journey." + +Jane's lips moved, but no sound would pass them. + +Dr. Rob made answer quickly, without looking at her: "Miss Gray had a +very good journey, and looks as fresh this morning as if she had spent +the night in bed. I can see she is a cold-water young lady." + +"I hope my housekeeper will make her comfortable. Please give orders," +said the tired voice; and Garth turned even closer to the wall, as if +to end the conversation. + +Dr. Rob attacked his moustache, and stood looking down at the blue silk +shoulder for a minute, silently. + +Then he turned and spoke to Jane. "Come over to the window, Nurse Gray. +I want to show you a special chair we have obtained for Mr. Dalmain, in +which he will be most comfortable as soon as he feels inclined to sit +up. You see? Here is an adjustable support for the head, if necessary; +and these various trays and stands and movable tables can be swung +round into any position by a touch. I consider it excellent, and Sir +Deryck approved it. Have you seen one of this kind before, Nurse Gray?" + +"We had one at the hospital, but not quite so complete as this," said +Jane. + +In the stillness of that sunlit chamber, the voice from the bed broke +upon them with startling suddenness; and in it was the cry of one lost +in an abyss of darkness, but appealing to them with a frantic demand +for instant enlightenment. + +"WHO is in the room?" cried Garth Dalmain. + +His face was still turned to the wall; but he had raised himself on his +left elbow, in an attitude which betokened intent listening. + +Dr. Mackenzie answered. "No one is in the room, Mr. Dalmain, but myself +and Nurse Gray." + +"There IS some one else in the room!" said Garth violently. "How dare +you lie to me! Who was speaking?" + +Then Jane came quickly to the side of the bed. Her hands were +trembling, but her voice was perfectly under control. + +"It was I who spoke, sir," she said; "Nurse Rosemary Gray. And I feel +sure I know why my voice startled you. Dr. Brand warned me it might do +so. He said I must not be surprised if you detected a remarkable +similarity between my voice and that of a mutual friend of yours and +his. He said he had often noticed it." + +Garth, in his blindness, remained quite still; listening and +considering. At length he asked slowly: "Did he say whose voice?" + +"Yes, for I asked him. He said it was Miss Champion's." + +Garth's head dropped back upon the pillow. Then without turning he said +in a tone which Jane knew meant a smile on that dear hidden face: "You +must forgive me, Miss Gray, for being so startled and so stupidly, +unpardonably agitated. But, you know, being blind is still such a new +experience, and every fresh voice which breaks through the black +curtain of perpetual night, means so infinitely more than the speaker +realises. The resemblance in your voice to that of the lady Sir Deryck +mentioned is so remarkable that, although I know her to be at this +moment in Egypt, I could scarcely believe she was not in the room. And +yet the most unlikely thing in the world would be that she should have +been in this room. So I owe you and Dr. Mackenzie most humble apologies +for my agitation and unbelief." + +He stretched out his right hand, palm upwards, towards Jane. + +Jane clasped her shaking hands behind her. + +"Now, Nurse, if you please," broke in Dr. Mackenzie's rasping voice +from the window, "I have a few more details to explain to you over +here." + +They talked together for a while without interruption, until Dr. Rob +remarked: "I suppose I will have to be going." + +Then Garth said: "I wish to speak to you alone, doctor, for a few +minutes." + +"I will wait for you downstairs, Dr. Mackenzie," said Jane, and was +moving towards the door, when an imperious gesture from Dr. Rob stopped +her, and she turned silently to the fireplace. She could not see any +need now for this subterfuge, and it annoyed her. But the freckled +little Napoleon of the moors was not a man to be lightly disobeyed. He +walked to the door, opened and closed it; then returned to the bedside, +drew up a chair, and sat down. + +"Now, Mr. Dalmain," he said. + +Garth sat up and turned towards him eagerly. + +Then, for the first time, Jane saw his face. + +"Doctor," he said, "tell me about this nurse. Describe her to me." + +The tension in tone and attitude was extreme. His hands were clasped in +front of him, as if imploring sight through the eyes of another. His +thin white face, worn with suffering, looked so eager and yet so blank. + +"Describe her to me, doctor," he said; "this Nurse Rosemary Gray, as +you call her." + +"But it is not a pet name of mine, my dear sir," said Dr. Rob +deliberately. "It is the young lady's own name, and a pretty one, too. +'Rosemary for remembrance.' Is not that Shakespeare?" + +"Describe her to me," insisted Garth, for the third time. + +Dr. Mackenzie glanced at Jane. But she had turned her back, to hide the +tears which were streaming down her cheeks. Oh, Garth! Oh, beautiful +Garth of the shining eyes! + +Dr. Rob drew Deryck's letter from his pocket and studied it. + +"Well," he said slowly, "she is a pretty, dainty little thing; just the +sort of elegant young woman you would like to have about you, could you +see her." + +"Dark or fair?" asked Garth. + +The doctor glanced at what he could see of Jane's cheek, and at the +brown hands holding on to the mantelpiece. + +"Fair," said Dr. Rob, without a moment's hesitation. + +Jane started and glanced round. Why should this little man be lying on +his own account? + +"Hair?" queried the strained voice from the bed. + +"Well," said Dr. Rob deliberately, "it is mostly tucked away under a +modest little cap; but, were it not for that wise restraint, I should +say it might be that kind of fluffy, fly-away floss-silk, which puts +the finishing touch to a dainty, pretty woman." + +Garth lay back, panting, and pressed his hands over his sightless face. + +"Doctor," he said, "I know I have given you heaps of trouble, and +to-day you must think me a fool. But if you do not wish me to go mad in +my blindness, send that girl away. Do not let her enter my room again." + +"Now, Mr. Dalmain," said Dr. Mackenzie patiently; "let us consider this +thing. We may take it you have nothing against this young lady +excepting a chance resemblance in her voice to that of a friend of +yours now far away. Was not this other lady a pleasant person?" + +Garth laughed suddenly, bitterly; a laugh like a hard, sob. "Oh, yes," +he said, "she was quite a pleasant person." + +"'Rosemary for remembrance,'" quoted Dr. Rob. "Then why should not +Nurse Rosemary call up a pleasant remembrance? Also it seems to me to +be a kind, sweet, womanly voice, which is something to be thankful for +nowadays, when so many women talk, fit to scare the crows; cackle, +cackle, cackle--like stones rattling in a tin canister." + +"But can't you understand, doctor," said Garth wearily, "that it is +just the remembrance and the resemblance which, in my blindness, I +cannot bear? I have nothing against her voice, Heaven knows! But I tell +you, when I heard it first I thought it was--it was she--the +other--come to me--here--and--" Garth's voice ceased suddenly. + +"The pleasant lady?" suggested Dr. Rob. "I see. Well now, Mr. Dalmain, +Sir Deryck said the best thing that could happen would be if you came +to wish for visitors. It appears you have many friends ready and +anxious to come any distance in order to bring you help or cheer. Why +not let me send for this pleasant lady? I make no doubt she would come. +Then when she herself had sat beside you, and talked with you, the +nurse's voice would trouble you no longer." + +Garth sat up again, his face wild with protest. Jane turned on the +hearth-rug, and stood watching it. + +"No, doctor," he said. "Oh, my God, no! In the whole world, she is the +last person I would have enter this room!" + +Dr. Mackenzie bent forward to examine minutely a microscopic darn in +the sheet. "And why?" he asked very low. + +"Because," said Garth, "that pleasant lady, as you rightly call her, +has a noble, generous heart, and it might overflow with pity for my +blindness; and pity from her I could not accept. It would be the last +straw upon my heavy cross. I can bear the cross, doctor; I hope in time +to carry it manfully, until God bids me lay it down. But that last +straw--HER pity--would break me. I should fall in the dark, to rise no +more." + +"I see," said Dr. Rob gently. "Poor laddie! The pleasant lady must not +come." + +He waited silently a few minutes, then pushed back his chair and stood +up. + +"Meanwhile," he said, "I must rely on you, Mr. Dalmain, to be agreeable +to Nurse Rosemary Gray, and not to make her task too difficult. I dare +not send her back. She is Dr. Brand's choice. Besides--think of the +cruel blow to her in her profession. Think of it, man!--sent off at a +moment's notice, after spending five minutes in her patient's room, +because, forsooth, her voice maddened him! Poor child! What a statement +to enter on her report! See her appear before the matron with it! Can't +you be generous and unselfish enough to face whatever trial there may +be for you in this bit of a coincidence?" + +Garth hesitated. "Dr. Mackenzie," he said at last, "will you swear to +me that your description of this young lady was accurate in every +detail?" + +"'Swear not at all,'" quoted Dr. Rob unctuously. "I had a pious mother, +laddie. Besides I can do better than that. I will let you into a +secret. I was reading from Sir Deryck's letter. I am no authority on +women myself, having always considered dogs and horses less ensnaring +and more companionable creatures. So I would not trust my own eyes, but +preferred to give you Sir Deryck's description. You will allow him to +be a fine judge of women. You have seen Lady Brand?" + +"Seen her? Yes," said Garth eagerly, a slight flush tinting his thin +cheeks, "and more than that, I've painted her. Ah, such a +picture!--standing at a table, the sunlight in her hair, arranging +golden daffodils in an old Venetian vase. Did you see it, doctor, in +the New Gallery, two years ago?" + +"No," said Dr. Rob. "I am not finding myself in galleries, new or old. +But"--he turned a swift look of inquiry on Jane, who nodded--"Nurse +Gray was telling me she had seen it." + +"Really?" said Garth, interested. "Somehow one does not connect nurses +with picture galleries." + +"I don't know why not," said Dr. Rob. "They must go somewhere for their +outings. They can't be everlastingly nosing shop windows in all +weathers; so why not go in and have a look at your pictures? Besides, +Miss Rosemary is a young lady of parts. Sir Deryck assures me she is a +gentlewoman by birth, well-read and intelligent.--Now, laddie, what is +it to be?" + +Garth considered silently. + +Jane turned away and gripped the mantelpiece. So much hung in the +balance during that quiet minute. + +At length Garth spoke, slowly, hesitatingly. "If only I could quite +disassociate the voice from the--from that other personality. If I +could be quite sure that, though her voice is so extraordinarily like, +she herself is not--" he paused, and Jane's heart stood still. Was a +description of herself coming?--"is not at all like the face and figure +which stand clear in my remembrance as associated with that voice." + +"Well," said Dr. Rob, "I'm thinking we can manage that for you. These +nurses know their patients must be humoured. We will call the young +lady back, and she shall kneel down beside your bed--Bless you! She +won't mind, with me to play old Gooseberry!--and you shall pass your +hands over her face and hair, and round her little waist, and assure +yourself, by touch, what an elegant, dainty little person it is, in a +blue frock and white apron." + +Garth burst out laughing, and his voice had a tone it had not yet held. +"Of all the preposterous suggestions!" he said. "Good heavens! What an +ass I must have been making of myself! And I begin to think I have +exaggerated the resemblance. In a day or two, I shall cease to notice +it. And, look here, doctor, if she really was interested in that +portrait--Here, I say--where are you going?" + +"All right, sir," said Dr. Rob. "I was merely moving a chair over to +the fireside, and taking the liberty of pouring out a glass of water. +Really you are becoming abnormally quick of hearing. Now I am all +attention. What about the portrait?" + +"I was only going to say, if she the nurse, you know--is really +interested in my portrait of Lady Brand, there are studies of it up in +the studio, which she might care to see. If she brought them here and +described them to me I could explain--But, I say, doctor. I can't have +dainty young ladies in and out of my room while I'm in bed. Why +shouldn't I get up and try that chair of yours? Send Simpson along; and +tell him to look out my brown lounge-suit and orange tie. Good heavens! +what a blessing to have the MEMORY of colours and of how they blend! +Think of the fellows who are BORN blind. And please ask Miss Gray to go +out in the pine wood, or on the moor, or use the motor, or rest, or do +anything she likes. Tell her to make herself quite at home; but on no +account to come up here until Simpson reports me ready." + +"You may rely on Nurse Gray to be most discreet," said Dr. Rob; whose +voice had suddenly become very husky. "And as for getting up, laddie, +don't go too fast. You will not find your strength equal to much. But I +am bound to tell you there is nothing to keep you in bed if you feel +like rising." + +"Good-bye, doctor," said Garth, groping for his hand; "and I am sorry I +shall never be able to offer to paint Mrs. Mackenzie!" + +"You'd have to paint her with a shaggy head, four paws, and the softest +amber eyes in the world," said Dr. Rob tenderly; "and, looking out from +those eyes, the most faithful, loving dog-heart in creation. In all the +years we've kept house together she has never failed to meet me with a +welcome, never contradicted me or wanted the last word, and never +worried me for so much as the price of a bonnet. There's a woman for +you!--Well, good-bye, lad, and God Almighty bless you. And be careful +how you go. Do not be surprised if I look in again on my way back from +my rounds to see how you like that chair." + +Dr. Mackenzie held open the door. Jane passed noiselessly out before +him. He followed, signing to her to precede him down the stairs. + +In the library, Jane turned and faced him. He put her quietly into a +chair and stood before her. The bright blue eyes were moist, beneath +the shaggy brows. + +"My dear," he said, "I feel myself somewhat of a blundering old fool. +You must forgive me. I never contemplated putting you through such an +ordeal. I perfectly understand that, while he hesitated, you must have +felt your whole career at stake. I see you have been weeping; but you +must not take it too much to heart that our patient made so much of +your voice resembling this Miss Champion's. He will forget all about it +in a day or two, and you will be worth more to him than a dozen Miss +Champions. See what good you have done him already. Here he is wanting +to get up and explain his pictures to you. Never you fear. You will +soon win your way, and I shall be able to report to Sir Deryck what a +fine success you have made of the case. Now I must see the valet and +give him very full instructions. And I recommend you to go for a blow +on the moor and get an appetite for lunch. Only put on something warmer +than that. You will have no sick-room work to do; and having duly +impressed me with your washableness and serviceableness, you may as +well wear something comfortable to protect you from our Highland nip. +Have you warmer clothing with you?" + +"It is the rule of our guild to wear uniform," said Jane; "but I have a +grey merino." + +"Ah, I see. Well, wear the grey merino. I shall return in two hours to +observe how he stands that move. Now, don't let me keep you." + +"Dr. Mackenzie," said Jane quietly, "may I ask why you described me as +fair; and my very straight, heavy, plainly coiled hair, as fluffy, +fly-away floss-silk?" + +Dr. Rob had already reached the bell, but at her question he stayed his +hand and, turning, met Jane's steadfast eyes with the shrewd turquoise +gleam of his own. + +"Why certainly you may ask, Nurse Rosemary Gray," he said, "though I +wonder you think it necessary to do so. It was of course perfectly +evident to me that, for reasons of his own, Sir Deryck wished to paint +an imaginary portrait of you to the patient, most likely representing +some known ideal of his. As the description was so different from the +reality, I concluded that, to make the portrait complete, the two +touches unfortunately left to me to supply, had better be as unlike +what I saw before me as the rest of the picture. And now, if you will +be good enough--" Dr. Rob rang the bell violently. + +"And why did you take the risk of suggesting that he should feel me?" +persisted Jane. + +"Because I knew he was a gentleman," shouted Dr. Rob angrily. "Oh, come +in, Simpson--come in, my good fellow--and shut that door! And God +Almighty be praised that He made you and me MEN, and not women!" + +A quarter of an hour later, Jane watched him drive away, thinking to +herself: "Deryck was right. But what a queer mixture of shrewdness and +obtuseness, and how marvellously it worked out to the furtherance of +our plans." + +But as she watched the dog-cart start off at a smart trot across the +moor, she would have been more than a little surprised could she have +overheard Dr. Rob's muttered remarks to himself, as he gathered up the +reins and cheered on his sturdy cob. He had a habit of talking over his +experiences, half aloud, as he drove from case to case; the two sides +of his rather complex nature apparently comparing notes with each +other. And the present conversation opened thus: + +"Now what has brought the Honourable Jane up here?" said Dr. Rob. + +"Dashed if I know," said Dr. Mackenzie. + +"You must not swear, laddie," said Dr. Rob; "you had a pious mother." + + + + +CHAPTER XX + +JANE REPORTS PROGRESS + + +Letter from the Honourable Jane Champion to Sir Deryck Brand. + +Castle Gleneesh, N. B. + +My dear Deryck: My wires and post-cards have not told you much beyond +the fact of my safe arrival. Having been here a fortnight, I think it +is time I sent you a report. Only you must remember that I am a poor +scribe. From infancy it has always been difficult to me to write +anything beyond that stock commencement: "I hope you are quite well;" +and I approach the task of a descriptive letter with an effort which is +colossal. And yet I wish I might, for once, borrow the pen of a ready +writer; because I cannot help knowing that I have been passing through +experiences such as do not often fall to the lot of a woman. + +Nurse Rosemary Gray is getting on capitally. She is making herself +indispensable to the patient, and he turns to her with a completeness +of confidence which causes her heart to swell with professional pride. + +Poor Jane has got no further than hearing, from his own lips, that she +is the very last person in the whole world he would wish should come +near him in his blindness. When she was suggested as a possible +visitor, he said: "Oh, my God, NO!" and his face was one wild, +horrified protest. So Jane is getting her horsewhipping, Boy, +and--according to the method of a careful and thoughtful judge, who +orders thirty lashes of the "cat," in three applications of ten--so is +Jane's punishment laid on at intervals; not more than she can bear at a +time; but enough to keep her heart continually sore, and her spirit in +perpetual dread. And you, dear, clever doctor, are proved perfectly +right in your diagnosis of the sentiment of the case. He says her pity +would be the last straw on his already heavy cross; and the expression +is an apt one, her pity for him being indeed a thing of straw. The only +pity she feels is pity for herself, thus hopelessly caught in the +meshes of her own mistake. But how to make him realise this, is the +puzzle. + +Do you remember how the Israelites were shut in, between Migdol and the +sea? I knew Migdol meant "towers," but I never understood the passage, +until I stood upon that narrow wedge of desert, with the Red Sea in +front and on the left; the rocky range of Gebel Attaka on the right, +towering up against the sky, like the weird shapes of an impregnable +fortress; the sole outlet or inlet behind, being the route they had +just travelled from Egypt, and along which the chariots and horsemen of +Pharaoh were then thundering in hot pursuit. Even so, Boy, is poor Jane +now tramping her patch of desert, which narrows daily to the measure of +her despair. Migdol is HIS certainty that HER love could only be pity. +The Red Sea is the confession into which she must inevitably plunge, to +avoid scaling Migdol; in the chill waters of which, as she drags him in +with her, his love is bound to drown, as waves of doubt and mistrust +sweep over its head,--doubts which he has lost the power of removing; +mistrust which he can never hope to prove to have been false and +mistaken. And behind come galloping the hosts of Pharaoh; chance, +speeding on the wheels of circumstance. At any moment some accident may +compel a revelation; and instantly HE will be scaling rocky Migdol, +with torn hands and bleeding feet; and she--poor Jane--floundering in +the depths of the Red Sea. O for a Moses, with divine commission, to +stretch out the rod of understanding love, making a safe way through; +so that together they might reach the Promised Land! Dear wise old Boy, +dare you undertake the role of Moses! + +But here am I writing like a page of Baedeker, and failing to report on +actual facts. + +As you may suppose, Jane grows haggard and thin in spite of old +Margery's porridge--which is "put on" every day after lunch, for the +next morning's breakfast, and anybody passing "gives it a stir." Did +you know that was the right way to make porridge, Deryck? I always +thought it was made in five minutes, as wanted. Margery says that must +be the English stuff which profanely goes by the name. (N.B. Please +mark the self-control with which I repeat Scotch remarks, without +rushing into weird spelling; a senseless performance, it seems to me. +For if you know already how old Margery pronounces "porridge," you can +read her pronunciation into the sentence; and if you do not know it, no +grotesque spelling on my part could convey to your mind any but a +caricatured version of the pretty Scotch accent with which Margery +says: "Stir the porridge, Nurse Gray." In fact, I am agreeably +surprised at the ease with which I understand the natives, and the +pleasure I derive from their conversation; for, after wrestling with +one or two modern novels dealing with the Highlands, I had expected to +find the language an unknown tongue. Instead of which, lo! and behold, +old Margery, Maggie the housemaid, Macdonald the gardener, and +Macalister the game-keeper, all speak a rather purer English than I do; +far more carefully pronounced, and with every R sounded and rolled. +Their idioms are more characteristic than their accent. They say +"whenever" for "when," and use in their verbs several quaint variations +of tense.) + +But what a syntactical digression! Oh, Boy, the wound at my heart is so +deep and so sore that I dread the dressings, even by your delicate +touch. Where was I? Ah, the porridge gave me my loophole of escape. +Well, as I was saying, Jane grows worn and thin, old Margery's porridge +notwithstanding; but Nurse Rosemary Gray is flourishing, and remains a +pretty, dainty little thing, with the additional charm of fluffy, +fly-away floss-silk, for hair,--Dr. Rob's own unaided contribution to +the fascinating picture. By the way, I was quite unprepared to find him +such a character. I learn much from Dr. Mackenzie, and I love Dr. Rob, +excepting on those occasions when I long to pick him up by the scruff +of his fawn overcoat and drop him out of the window. + +On the point of Nurse Rosemary's personal appearance, I found it best +to be perfectly frank with the household. You can have no conception +how often awkward moments arose; as, for instance, in the library, the +first time Garth came downstairs; when he ordered Simpson to bring the +steps for Miss Gray, and Simpson opened his lips to remark that Nurse +Gray could reach to the top shelf on her own tiptoes with the greatest +ease, he having just seen her do it. Mercifully, the perfect training +of an English man-servant saved the situation, and he merely said: +"Yessir; certainly sir," and looked upon, me, standing silently by, as +a person who evidently delighted in giving unnecessary trouble. Had it +been dear old Margery with her Scotch tongue, which starts slowly, but +gathers momentum as it rolls, and can never be arrested until the full +flood of her thought has been poured forth, I should have been +constrained to pick her up bodily in my dainty arms and carry her out. + +So I sent for Simpson and Margery to the dining-room that evening, when +the master was safely out of ear-shot, and told them that, for reasons +which I could not fully explain, a very incorrect description of my +appearance had been given him. He thought me small and slim; fair and +very pretty; and it was most important, in order to avoid long +explanations and mental confusion for him, that he should not at +present be undeceived. Simpson's expression of polite attention did not +vary, and his only comment was: "Certainly, miss. Quite so." But across +old Margery's countenance, while I was speaking, passed many shades of +opinion, which, fortunately, by the time I had finished, crystallized +into an approving smile of acquiescence. She even added her own +commentary: "And a very good thing, too, I am thinking. For Master +Garth, poor laddie, was always so set upon having beauty about him. +'Master Garthie,' I would say to him, when he had friends coming, and +all his ideas in talking over the dinner concerned the cleaning up of +the old silver, and putting out of Valentine glass and Worstered china; +'Master Garthie,' I would say, feeling the occasion called for the apt +quoting of Scripture, 'it appears to me your attention is given +entirely to the outside of the cup and platter, and you care nothing +for all the good things that lie within.' So it is just as well to keep +him deceived, Miss Gray." And then, as Simpson coughed tactfully behind +his hand, and nudged her very obviously with his elbow, she added, as a +sympathetic after-thought: "For, though a homey face may indeed be +redeemed by its kindly expression, you cannot very well explain +expression to the blind." So you see, Deryck, this shrewd old body, who +has known Garth from boyhood, would have entirely agreed with the +decision of three years ago. + +Well, to continue my report. The voice gave us some trouble, as you +foresaw, and the whole plan hung in the balance during a few awful +moments; for, though he easily accepted the explanation we had planned, +he sent me out, and told Dr. Mackenzie my voice in his room would +madden him. Dr. Rob was equal to the occasion, and won the day; and +Garth, having once given in, never mentioned the matter again. Only, +sometimes I see him listening and remembering. + +But Nurse Rosemary Gray has beautiful hours when poor anxious, yearning +Jane is shut out. For her patient turns to her, and depends on her, and +talks to her, and tries to reach her mind, and shows her his, and is a +wonderful person to live with and know. Jane, marching about in the +cold, outside, and hearing them talk, realises how little she +understood the beautiful gift which was laid at her feet; how little +she had grasped the nature and mind of the man whom she dismissed as "a +mere boy." Nurse Rosemary, sitting beside him during long sweet hours +of companionship, is learning it; and Jane, ramping up and down her +narrowing strip of desert, tastes the sirocco of despair. + +And now I come to the point of my letter, and, though I am a woman, I +will not put it in a postscript. + +Deryck, can you come up soon, to pay him a visit, and to talk to me? I +don't think I can bear it, unaided, much longer; and he would so enjoy +having you, and showing you how he had got on, and all the things he +had already learned to do. Also you might put in a word for Jane; or at +all events, get at his mind on the subject. Oh, Boy, if you COULD spare +forty-eight hours! And a breath of the moors would be good for you. +Also I have a little private plan, which depends largely for its +fulfilment on your coming. Oh, Boy--come! + +Yours, needing you, + +Jeanette. + + +From Sir Deryck Brand to Nurse Rosemary Gray, Castle Gleneesh, N. B. + +Wimpole Street. + +My dear Jeanette: Certainly I will come. I will leave Euston on Friday +evening. I can spend the whole of Saturday and most of Sunday at +Gleneesh, but must be home in time for Monday's work. + +I will do my best, only, alas! I am not Moses, and do not possess his +wonder-working rod. Moreover, latest investigations have proved that +the Israelites could not have crossed at the place you mention, but +further north at the Bitter Lakes; a mere matter of detail, in no way +affecting the extreme appositeness of your illustration, rather, adding +to it; for I fear there are bitter waters ahead of you, my poor girl. + +Still I am hopeful, nay, more than hopeful,--confident. Often of late, +in connection with you, I have thought of the promise about all things +working together for good. Any one can make GOOD things work together +for good: but only the Heavenly Father can bring good out of evil; and, +taking all our mistakes and failings and foolishnesses, cause them to +work to our most perfect well-being. The more intricate and involved +this problem of human existence becomes, the greater the need to take +as our own clear rule of life: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; +and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge +Him, and He shall direct thy paths." Ancient marching orders, and +simple; but true, and therefore eternal. + +I am glad Nurse Rosemary is proving so efficient, but I hope we may not +have to face yet another complication in our problem. Suppose our +patient falls in love with dainty little Nurse Rosemary, where will +Jane be then? I fear the desert would have to open its mouth and +swallow her up. We must avert such a catastrophe. Could not Rosemary be +induced to drop an occasional H, or to confess herself as rather "gone" +on Simpson? + +Oh, my poor old girl! I could not jest thus, were I not coming shortly +to your aid. + +How maddening it is! And you so priceless! But most men are either +fools or blind, and one is both. Trust me to prove it to him,--to my +own satisfaction and his,--if I get the chance. + +Yours always devotedly, + +Deryck Brand. + + +From Sir Deryck Brand to Dr. Robert Mackenzie. + +Dear Mackenzie: Do you consider it to be advisable that I should +shortly pay a visit to our patient at Gleneesh and give an opinion on +his progress? + +I find I can make it possible to come north this week-end. + +I hope you are satisfied with the nurse I sent up. + +Yours very faithfully, + +Deryck Brand. + +From Dr. Robert Mackenzie to Sir Deryck Brand. + +Dear Sir Deryck: Every possible need of the patient's is being met by +the capable lady you sent to be his nurse. I am no longer needed. Nor +are you--for the patient. But I deem it exceedingly advisable that you +should shortly pay a visit to the nurse, who is losing more flesh than +a lady of her proportions can well afford. + +Some secret care, besides the natural anxiety of having the +responsibility of this case, is wearing her out. She may confide in +you. She cannot quite bring herself to trust in + +Your humble servant, + +Robert Mackenzie. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI + +HARD ON THE SECRETARY + + +Nurse Rosemary sat with her patient in the sunny library at Gleneesh. A +small table was between them, upon which lay a pile of letters--his +morning mail--ready for her to open, read to him, and pass across, +should there chance to be one among them he wished to touch or to keep +in his pocket. + +They were seated close to the French window opening on to the terrace; +the breeze, fragrant with the breath of spring flowers, blew about +them, and the morning sun streamed in. + +Garth, in white flannels, wearing a green tie and a button-hole of +primroses, lay back luxuriously, enjoying, with his rapidly quickening +senses, the scent of the flowers and the touch of the sun-beams. + +Nurse Rosemary finished reading a letter of her own, folded it, and put +it in her pocket with a feeling of thankful relief. Deryck was coming. +He had not failed her. + +"A man's letter, Miss Gray," said Garth unexpectedly. + +"Quite right," said Nurse Rosemary. "How did you know?" + +"Because it was on one sheet. A woman's letter on a matter of great +importance would have run to two, if not three. And that letter was on +a matter of importance." + +"Right again," said Nurse Rosemary, smiling. "And again, how did you +know?" + +"Because you gave a little sigh of relief after reading the first line, +and another, as you folded it and replaced it in the envelope." + +Nurse Rosemary laughed. "You are getting on so fast, Mr. Dalmain, that +soon we shall be able to keep no secrets. My letter was from--" + +"Oh, don't tell me," cried Garth quickly, putting out his hand in +protest. "I had no idea of seeming curious as to your private +correspondence, Miss Gray. Only it is such a pleasure to report +progress to you in the things I manage to find out without being told." + +"But I meant to tell you anyway," said Nurse Rosemary. "The letter is +from Sir Deryck, and, amongst other things, he says he is coming up to +see you next Saturday." + +"Ah, good!" said Garth. "And what a change he will find! And I shall +have the pleasure of reporting on the nurse, secretary, reader, and +unspeakably patient guide and companion he provided for me." Then he +added, in a tone of suddenly awakened anxiety: "He is not coming to +take you away, is he?" + +"No," said Nurse Rosemary, "not yet. But, Mr. Dalmain, I was wanting to +ask whether you could spare me just during forty-eight hours; and Dr. +Brand's visit would be an excellent opportunity. I could leave you more +easily, knowing you would have his companionship. If I may take the +week-end, leaving on Friday night, I could return early on Monday +morning, and be with you in time to do the morning letters. Dr. Brand +would read you Saturday's and Sunday's--Ah, I forgot; there is no +Sunday post. So I should miss but one; and he would more than take my +place in other ways." + +"Very well," said Garth, striving not to show disappointment. "I should +have liked that we three should have talked together. But no wonder you +want a time off. Shall you be going far?" + +"No; I have friends near by. And now, do you wish to attend to your +letters?" + +"Yes," said Garth, reaching out his hand. "Wait a minute. There is a +newspaper among them. I smell the printing ink. I don't want that. But +kindly give me the rest." + +Nurse Rosemary took out the newspaper; then pushed the pile along, +until it touched his hand. + +Garth took them. "What a lot!" he said, smiling in pleasurable +anticipation. "I say, Miss Gray, if you profit as you ought to do by +the reading of so many epistles written in every possible and +impossible style, you ought to be able to bring out a pretty +comprehensive 'Complete Letter-writer.' Do you remember the condolences +of Mrs. Parker-Bangs? I think that was the first time we really laughed +together. Kind old soul! But she should not have mentioned blind +Bartimaeus dipping seven times in the pool of Siloam. It is always best +to avoid classical allusions, especially if sacred, unless one has them +accurately. Now--" Garth paused. + +He had been handling his letters, one by one; carefully fingering each, +before laying it on the table beside him. He had just come to one +written on foreign paper, and sealed. He broke off his sentence +abruptly, held the letter silently for a moment, then passed his +fingers slowly over the seal. + +Nurse Rosemary watched him anxiously. He made no remark, but after a +moment laid it down and took up the next. But when he passed the pile +across to her, he slipped the sealed letter beneath the rest, so that +she should come to it last of all. + +Then the usual order of proceedings commenced. Garth lighted a +cigarette--one of the first things he had learned to do for +himself--and smoked contentedly, carefully placing his ash-tray, and +almost unfailingly locating the ash, in time and correctly. + +Nurse Rosemary took up the first letter, read the postmark, and +described the writing on the envelope. Garth guessed from whom it came, +and was immensely pleased if, on opening, his surmise proved correct. +There were nine to-day, of varying interest,--some from men friends, +one or two from charming women who professed themselves ready to come +and see him as soon as he wished for visitors, one from a blind asylum +asking for a subscription, a short note from the doctor heralding his +visit, and a bill for ties from a Bond Street shop. + +Nurse Rosemary's fingers shook as she replaced the eighth in its +envelope. The last of the pile lay on the table. As she took it up, +Garth with a quick movement flung his cigarette-end through the window, +and lay back, shading his face with his hand. + +"Did I shoot straight, nurse?" he asked. + +She leaned forward and saw the tiny column of blue smoke rising from +the gravel. + +"Quite straight," she said. "Mr. Dalmain, this letter has an Egyptian +stamp, and the postmark is Cairo. It is sealed with scarlet +sealing-wax, and the engraving on the seal is a plumed helmet with the +visor closed." + +"And the writing?" asked Garth, mechanically and very quietly. + +"The handwriting is rather bold and very clear, with no twirls or +flourishes. It is written with a broad nib." + +"Will you kindly open it, nurse, and tell me the signature before +reading the rest of the letter." + +Nurse Rosemary fought with her throat, which threatened to close +altogether and stifle her voice. She opened the letter, turned to the +last page, and found the signature. + +"It is signed 'Jane Champion,' Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary. + +"Read it, please," said Garth quietly. And Nurse Rosemary began. + +Dear Dal: What CAN I write? If I were with you, there would be so much +I could say; but writing is so difficult, so impossible. + +I know it is harder for you than it would have been for any of us; but +you will be braver over it than we should have been, and you will come +through splendidly, and go on thinking life beautiful, and making it +seem so to other people. _I_ never thought it so until that summer at +Overdene and Shenstone when you taught me the perception of beauty. +Since then, in every sunset and sunrise, in the blue-green of the +Atlantic, the purple of the mountains, the spray of Niagara, the cherry +blossom of Japan, the golden deserts of Egypt, I have thought of you, +and understood them better, because of you. Oh, Dal! I should like to +come and tell you all about them, and let you see them through my eyes; +and then you would widen out my narrow understanding of them, and show +them again to me in greater loveliness. + +I hear you receive no visitors; but cannot you make just one exception, +and let me come? + +I was at the Great Pyramid when I heard. I was sitting on the piazza +after dinner. The moonlight called up memories. I had just made up my +mind to give up the Nile, and to come straight home, and write asking +you to come and see me; when General Loraine turned up, with an English +paper and a letter from Myra, and--I heard. Would you have come, Garth? + +And now, my friend, as you cannot come to me, may I come to you? If you +just say: "COME," I will come from any part of the world where I may +chance to be when the message reaches me. Never mind this Egyptian +address. I shall not be there when you are hearing this. Direct to me +at my aunt's town house. All my letters go there, and are forwarded +unopened. + +LET ME COME. And oh, do believe that I know something of how hard it is +for you. But God can "enable." + +Believe me to be, + +Yours, more than I can write, + +Jane Champion. + +Garth removed the hand which had been shielding his face. + +"If you are not tired, Miss Gray, after reading so many letters, I +should like to dictate my answer to that one immediately, while it is +fresh in my mind. Have you paper there? Thank you. May we begin?-- Dear +Miss Champion ... I am deeply touched by your kind letter of sympathy +... It was especially good of you to write to me from so far away amid +so much which might well have diverted your attention from friends at +home." + +A long pause. Nurse Rosemary Gray waited, pen in hand, and hoped the +beating of her heart was only in her own ears, and not audible across +the small table. + +"I am glad you did not give up the Nile trip but--" + +An early bee hummed in from the hyacinths and buzzed against the pane. +Otherwise the room was very still. + +--"but of course, if you had sent for me I should have come." + +The bee fought the window angrily, up and down, up and down, for +several minutes; then found the open glass and whirled out into the +sunshine, joyfully. + +Absolute silence in the room, until Garth's quiet voice broke it as he +went on dictating. + +"It is more than kind of you to suggest coming to see me, but--" + +Nurse Rosemary dropped her pen. "Oh, Mr. Dalmain," she said, "let her +come." + +Garth turned upon her a face of blank surprise. + +"I do not wish it," he said, in a tone of absolute finality. + +"But think how hard it must be for any one to want so much to be near +a--a friend in trouble, and to be kept away." + +"It is only her wonderful kindness of heart makes her offer to come, +Miss Gray. She is a friend and comrade of long ago. It would greatly +sadden her to see me thus." + +"It does not seem so to her," pleaded Nurse Rosemary. "Ah, cannot you +read between the lines? Or does it take a woman's heart to understand a +woman's letter? Did I read it badly? May I read it over again?" + +A look of real annoyance gathered upon Garth's face. He spoke with +quiet sternness, a frown bending his straight black brows. + +"You read it quite well," he said, "but you do not do well to discuss +it. I must feel able to dictate my letters to my secretary, without +having to explain them." + +"I beg your pardon, sir," said Nurse Rosemary humbly. "I was wrong." + +Garth stretched his hand across the table, and left it there a moment; +though no responsive hand was placed within it. + +"Never mind," he said, with his winning smile, "my kind little mentor +and guide. You can direct me in most things, but not in this. Now let +us conclude. Where were we? Ah--'to suggest coming to see me.' Did you +put `It is most kind' or `It is more than kind?'" + +"'More than kind,'" said Nurse Rosemary, brokenly. + +"Right, for it is indeed more than kind. Only she and I can possibly +know how much more. Now let us go on ... But I am receiving no +visitors, and do not desire any until I have so mastered my new +circumstances that the handicap connected with them shall neither be +painful nor very noticeable to other people. During the summer I shall +be learning step by step to live this new life, in complete seclusion +at Gleneesh. I feel sure my friends will respect my wish in this +matter. I have with me one who most perfectly and patiently is +helping--Ah, wait!" cried Garth suddenly. "I will not say that. She +might think--she might misunderstand. Had you begun to write it? No? +What was the last word? 'Matter?' Ah yes. That is right. Full stop +after 'matter.' Now let me think." + +Garth dropped his face into his hands, and sat for a long time absorbed +in thought. + +Nurse Rosemary waited. Her right hand held the pen poised over the +paper. Her left was pressed against her breast. Her eyes rested on that +dark bowed head, with a look of unutterable yearning and of passionate +tenderness. At last Garth lifted his face. "Yours very sincerely, Garth +Dalmain;" he said. And, silently, Nurse Rosemary wrote it. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII + +DR. ROB TO THE RESCUE + + +Into the somewhat oppressive silence which followed the addressing and +closing of the envelope, broke the cheery voice of Dr. Rob. + +"Which is the patient to-day? The lady or the gentleman? Ah, neither, I +see. Both flaunt the bloom of perfect health and make the doctor shy. +It is spring without, but summer within," ran on Dr. Rob gaily, +wondering why both faces were so white and perturbed, and why there was +in the air a sense of hearts in torment. "Flannels seem to call up +boating and picnic parties; and I see you have discarded the merino, +Nurse Gray, and returned to the pretty blue washables. More becoming, +undoubtedly; only, don't take cold; and be sure you feed up well. In +this air people must eat plenty, and you have been perceptibly losing +weight lately. We don't want TOO airy-fairy dimensions." + +"Why do you always chaff Miss Gray about being small, Dr. Rob?" asked +Garth, in a rather vexed tone. "I am sure being short is in no way +detrimental to her." + +"I will chaff her about being tall if you like," said Dr. Rob, looking +at her with a wicked twinkle, as she stood in the window, drawn up to +her full height, and regarding him with cold disapproval. + +"I would sooner no comments of any kind were made upon her personal +appearance," said Garth shortly; then added, more pleasantly: "You see, +she is just a voice to me--a kind, guiding voice. At first I used to +form mental pictures of her, of a hazy kind; but now I prefer to +appropriate in all its helpfulness what I DO know, and leave unimagined +what I do not. Did it ever strike you that she is the only person--bar +that fellow Johnson, who belongs to a nightmare time I am quickly +forgetting--I have yet had near me, in my blindness, whom I had not +already seen; the only voice I have ever heard to which I could not put +a face and figure? In time, of course, there will be many. At present +she stands alone to me in this." + +Dr. Rob's observant eye had been darting about during this explanation, +seeking to focus itself upon something worthy of minute examination. +Suddenly he spied the foreign letter lying close beside him on the +table. + +"Hello!" he said. "Pyramids? The Egyptian stamp? That's interesting. +Have you friends out there, Mr. Dalmain?" + +"That letter came from Cairo," Garth replied; "but I believe Miss +Champion has by now gone on to Syria." Dr. Rob attacked his moustache, +and stared at the letter meditatively. "Champion?" he repeated. +"Champion? It's an uncommon name. Is your correspondent, by any chance, +the Honourable Jane?" + +"Why, that letter is from her," replied Garth, surprised. "Do you know +her?" His voice vibrated eagerly. + +"Well," answered Dr. Rob, with slow deliberation, "I know her face, and +I know her voice; I know her figure, and I know a pretty good deal of +her character. I know her at home, and I know her abroad. I've seen her +under fire, which is more than most men of her acquaintance can claim. +But there is one thing I never knew until to-day and that is her +handwriting. May I examine this envelope?" He turned to the +window;--yes, this audacious little Scotchman had asked the question of +Nurse Rosemary. But only a broad blue back met his look of inquiry. +Nurse Rosemary was studying the view. He turned back to Garth, who had +evidently already made a sign of assent, and on whose face was clearly +expressed an eager desire to hear more, and an extreme disinclination +to ask for it. + +Dr. Mackenzie took up the envelope and pondered it. + +"Yes," he said, at last, "it is like her,--clear, firm, unwavering; +knowing what it means to say, and saying it; going where it means to +go, and getting there. Ay, lad, it's a grand woman that; and if you +have the Honourable Jane for your friend, you can be doing without a +few other things." + +A tinge of eager colour rose in Garth's thin cheeks. He had been so +starved in his darkness for want of some word concerning her, from that +outer light in which she moved. He had felt so hopelessly cut off from +all chance of hearing of her. And all the while, if only he had known +it, old Robbie could have talked of her. He had had to question Brand +so cautiously, fearing to betray his secret and hers; but with Dr. Rob +and Nurse Gray no such precautions were needed. He could safely guard +his secret, and yet listen and speak. + +"Where--when?" asked Garth. + +"I will tell you where, and I will tell you when," answered Dr. Rob, +"if you feel inclined for a war tale on this peaceful spring morning." + +Garth was aflame With eagerness. "Have you a chair, doctor?" he said. +"And has Miss Gray a chair?" + +"I have no chair, sir," said Dr. Rob, "because when I intend thoroughly +to enjoy my own eloquence it is my custom to stand. Nurse Gray has no +chair, because she is standing at the window absorbed in the view. She +has apparently ceased to pay any heed to you and me. You will very +rarely find one woman take much interest in tales about another. But +you lean back in your own chair, laddie, and light a cigarette. And a +wonderful thing it is to see you do it, too, and better than pounding +the wall. Eh? All of which we may consider we owe to the lady who +disdains us and prefers the scenery. Well, I'm not much to look at, +goodness knows; and she can see you all the rest of the day. Now that's +a brand worth smoking. What do you call it--'Zenith'? Ah, and +'Marcovitch.' Yes; you can't better that for drawing-room and garden +purposes. It mingles with the flowers. Lean back and enjoy it, while I +smell gun-powder. For I will tell you where I first saw the Honourable +Jane. Out in South Africa, in the very thick of the Boer war. I had +volunteered for the sake of the surgery experience. She was out there, +nursing; but the real thing, mind you. None of your dabbling in +eau-de-cologne with lace handkerchiefs, and washing handsome faces when +the orderlies had washed them already; making charming conversation to +men who were getting well, but fleeing in dread from the dead or the +dying. None of that, you may be sure, and none of that allowed in her +hospital; for Miss Champion was in command there, and I can tell you +she made them scoot. She did the work of ten, and expected others to do +it too. Doctors and orderlies adored her. She was always called 'The +Honourable Jane,' most of the men sounding the H and pronouncing the +title as four syllables. Ay, and the wounded soldiers! There was many a +lad out there, far from home and friends, who, when death came, died +with a smile on his lips, and a sense of mother and home quite near, +because the Honourable Jane's arm was around him, and his dying head +rested against her womanly breast. Her voice when she talked to them? +No,--that I shall never forget. And to hear her snap at the women, and +order along the men; and then turn and speak to a sick Tommy as his +mother or his sweetheart would have wished to hear him spoken to, was a +lesson in quick-change from which I am profiting still. And that big, +loving heart must often have been racked; but she was always brave and +bright. Just once she broke down. It was over a boy whom she tried hard +to save--quite a youngster. She had held him during the operation which +was his only chance; and when it proved no good, and he lay back +against her unconscious, she quite broke down and said: 'Oh, doctor,--a +mere boy--and to suffer so, and then die like this!' and gathered him +to her, and wept over him, as his own mother might have done. The +surgeon told me of it himself. He said the hardest hearts in the tent +were touched and softened. But, it was the only time the Honourable +Jane broke down." + +Garth shielded his face with his hand. His half-smoked cigarette fell +unheeded to the floor. The hand that had held it was clenched on his +knee. Dr. Rob picked it up, and rubbed the scorched spot on the carpet +carefully with his foot. He glanced towards the window. Nurse Rosemary +had turned and was leaning against the frame. She did not look at him, +but her eyes dwelt with troubled anxiety on Garth. + +"I came across her several times, at different centres," continued Dr. +Rob; "but we were not in the same departments, and she spoke to me only +once. I had ridden in, from a temporary overflow sort of place where we +were dealing with the worst cases straight off the field, to the main +hospital in the town for a fresh supply of chloroform. While they +fetched it, I walked round the ward, and there in a corner was Miss +Champion, kneeling beside a man whose last hour was very near, talking +to him quietly, and taking measures at the same time to ease his pain. +Suddenly there came a crash--a deafening rush--and another crash, and +the Honourable Jane and her patient were covered with dust and +splinters. A Boer shell had gone clean through the roof just over their +heads. The man sat up, yelling with fear. Poor chap, you couldn't blame +him; dying, and half under morphine. The Honourable Jane never turned a +hair. 'Lie down, my man,' she said, 'and keep still.' 'Not here,' +sobbed the man. 'All right,' said the Honourable Jane; 'we will soon +move you.' Then she turned and saw me. I was in the most nondescript +khaki, a non-com's jacket which I had caught up on leaving the tent, +and various odds and ends of my outfit which had survived the wear and +tear of the campaign. Also I was dusty with a long gallop. 'Here, +serjeant,' she said, 'lend a hand with this poor fellow. I can't have +him disturbed just now.' That was Jane's only comment on the passing of +a shell within a few yards of her own head. Do you wonder the men +adored her? She placed her hands beneath his shoulders, and signed to +me to take him under the knees, and together we carried him round a +screen, out of the ward, and down a short passage; turning unexpectedly +into a quiet little room, with a comfortable bed, and photographs and +books arranged on the tiny dressing-table. She said: 'Here, if you +please, serjeant,' and we laid him on the bed. 'Whose is it?' I asked. +She looked surprised at being questioned, but seeing I was a stranger, +answered civilly: 'Mine.' And then, noting that he had dozed off while +we carried him, added: 'And he will have done with beds, poor chap, +before I need it.' There's nerve for you!--Well, that was my only +conversation out there with the Honourable Jane. Soon after I had had +enough and came home." + +Garth lifted his head. "Did you ever meet her at home?" he asked. + +"I did," said Dr. Rob. "But she did not remember me. Not a flicker of +recognition. Well, how could I expect it? I wore a beard out there; no +time to shave; and my jacket proclaimed me a serjeant, not a surgeon. +No fault of hers if she did not expect to meet a comrade from the front +in the wilds of--of Piccadilly," finished Dr. Rob lamely. "Now, having +spun so long a yarn, I must be off to your gardener's cot in the wood, +to see his good wife, who has had what he pathetically calls 'an +increase.' I should think a decrease would have better suited the size +of his house. But first I must interview Mistress Margery in the +dining-room. She is anxious about herself just now because she 'canna +eat bacon.' She says it flies between her shoulders. So erratic a +deviation from its normal route on the part of the bacon, undoubtedly +requires investigation. So, by your leave, I will ring for the good +lady." + +"Not just yet, doctor," said a quiet voice from the window. "I want to +see you in the dining-room, and will follow you there immediately. And +afterwards, while you investigate Margery, I will run up for my bonnet, +and walk with you through the woods, if Mr. Dalmain will not mind an +hour alone." + +When Jane reached the dining-room, Dr. Robert Mackenzie was standing on +the hearth-rug in a Napoleonic attitude, just as on the morning of +their first interview. He looked up uncertainly as she came in. + +"Well?" he said. "Am I to pay the piper?" + +Jane came straight to him, with both hands extended. + +"Ah, serjeant!" she said. "You dear faithful old serjeant! See what +comes of wearing another man's coat. And my dilemma comes from taking +another woman's name. So you knew me all the time, from the first +moment I came into the room?" + +"From the first moment you entered the room," assented Dr. Rob. + +"Why did you not say so?" asked Jane. + +"Well, I concluded you had your reasons for being 'Nurse Rosemary +Gray,' and it did not come within my province to question your +identity." + +"Oh, you dear!" said Jane. "Was there ever anything so shrewd, and so +wise, and so bewilderingly far-seeing, standing on two legs on a +hearth-rug before! And when I remember how you said: 'So you have +arrived, Nurse Gray?' and all the while you might have been saying. +'How do you do, Miss Champion? And what brings you up here under +somebody else's name?" + +"I might have so said," agreed Dr. Rob reflectively; "but praise be, I +did not." + +"But tell me" said Jane "why let it out now?" + +Dr. Rob laid his hand on her arm. "My dear, I am an old fellow, and all +my life I have made it my business to know, without being told. You +have been coming through a strain,--a prolonged period of strain, +sometimes harder, sometimes easier, but never quite relaxed,--a strain +such as few women could have borne. It was not only with him; you had +to keep it up towards us all. I knew, if it were to continue, you must +soon have the relief of some one with whom to share the secret,--some +one towards whom you could be yourself occasionally. And when I found +you had been writing to him here, sending the letter to be posted in +Cairo (how like a woman, to strain at a gnat, after swallowing such a +camel!), awaiting its return day after day, then obliged to read it to +him yourself, and take down his dictated answer, which I gathered from +your faces when I entered was his refusal of your request to come and +see him, well, it seemed to me about time you were made to realise that +you might as well confide in an old fellow who, in common with all the +men who knew you in South Africa, would gladly give his right hand for +the Honourable Jane." + +Jane looked at him, her eyes full of gratitude. For the moment she +could not speak. + +"But tell me, my dear," said Dr. Rob, "tell me, if you can: why does +the lad put from him so firmly that which, if indeed it might be his +for the asking, would mean for him so great, so wonderful, so +comforting a good?" + +"Ah, doctor," said Jane, "thereby hangs a tale of sad mistrust and +mistake, and the mistrust and mistake, alas, were mine. Now, while you +see Margery, I will prepare for walking; and as we go through the wood +I will try to tell you the woeful thing which came between him and me +and placed our lives so far apart. Your wise advice will help me, and +your shrewd knowledge of men and of the human heart may find us a way +out, for indeed we are shut in between Migdol and the sea." + +As Jane crossed the hall and was about to mount the stairs, she looked +towards the closed library door. A sudden fear seized her, lest the +strain of listening to that tale of Dr. Rob's had been too much for +Garth. None but she could know all it must have awakened of memory to +be told so vividly of the dying soldiers whose heads were pillowed on +her breast, and the strange coincidence of those words, "A mere +boy--and to suffer so!" She could not leave the house without being +sure he was safe and well. And yet she instinctively feared to intrude +when he imagined himself alone for an hour. + +Then Jane, in her anxiety, did a thing she had never done before. She +opened the front door noiselessly, passed round the house to the +terrace, and when approaching the open window of the library, trod on +the grass border, and reached it without making the faintest sound. + +Never before had she come upon him unawares, knowing he hated and +dreaded the thought of an unseen intrusion on his privacy. + +But now--just this once-- + +Jane looked in at the window. + +Garth sat sideways in the chair, his arms folded on the table beside +him, his face buried in them. He was sobbing as she had sometimes heard +men sob after agonising operations, borne without a sound until the +worst was over. And Garth's sob of agony was this: "OH, MY WIFE--MY +WIFE--MY WIFE!" + +Jane crept away. How she did it she never knew. But some instinct told +her that to reveal herself then, taking him at a disadvantage, when Dr. +Rob's story had unnerved and unmanned him, would be to ruin all. "IF +YOU VALUE YOUR ULTIMATE HAPPINESS AND HIS," Deryck's voice always +sounded in warning. Besides, it was such a short postponement. In the +calm earnest thought which would succeed this storm, his need of her, +would win the day. The letter, not yet posted, would be rewritten. He +would say "COME"--and the next minute he would be in her arms. + +So Jane turned noiselessly away. + +Coming in, an hour later, from her walk with Dr. Rob, her heart filled +with glad anticipation, she found him standing in the window, listening +to the countless sounds he was learning to distinguish. He looked so +slim and tall and straight in his white flannels, both hands thrust +deep into the pockets of his coat, that when he turned at her approach +it seemed to her as if the shining eyes MUST be there. + +"Was it lovely in the woods?" he asked. "Simpson shall take me up there +after lunch. Meanwhile, is there time, if you are not tired, Miss Gray, +to finish our morning's work?" + +Five letters were dictated and a cheque written. Then Jane noticed that +hers to him had gone from among the rest. But his to her lay on the +table ready for stamping. She hesitated. + +"And about the letter to Miss Champion?" she said. "Do you wish it to +go as it is, Mr. Dalmain?" + +"Why certainly," he said. "Did we not finish it?" + +"I thought," said Jane nervously, looking away from his blank face, "I +thought perhaps--after Dr. Rob's story--you might--" + +"Dr. Rob's story could make no possible difference as to whether I +should let her come here or not," said Garth emphatically; then added +more gently: "It only reminded me--" + +"Of what?" asked Jane, her hands upon her breast. + +"Of what a glorious woman she is," said Garth Dalmain, and blew a long, +steady cloud of smoke into the summer air. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII + +THE ONLY WAY + + +When Deryck Brand alighted at the little northern wayside station, he +looked up and down the gravelled platform, more than half expecting to +see Jane. The hour was early, but she invariably said "So much the +better" to any plan which involved rising earlier than usual. Nothing +was to be seen, however, but his portmanteau in the distance--looking +as if it had taken up a solitary and permanent position where the guard +had placed it--and one slow porter, who appeared to be overwhelmed by +the fact that he alone was on duty to receive the train. + +There were no other passengers descending; there was no other baggage +to put out. The guard swung up into his van as the train moved off. + +The old porter, shading his eyes from the slanting rays of the morning +sun, watched the train glide round the curve and disappear from sight; +then slowly turned and looked the other way,--as if to make sure there +was not another coming,--saw the portmanteau, and shambled towards it. +He stood looking down upon it pensively, then moved slowly round, +apparently reading the names and particulars of all the various +continental hotels at which the portmanteau had recently stayed with +its owner. + +Dr. Brand never hurried people, He always said: "It answers best, in +the long run, to let them take their own time. The minute or two gained +by hurrying them is lost in the final results." But this applied +chiefly to patients in the consulting-room; to anxious young students +in hospital; or to nurses, too excitedly conscious at first of the fact +that he was talking to them, to take in fully what he was saying. His +habit of giving people, even in final moments, the full time they +wanted, had once lost him an overcoat, almost lost him a train, and won +him the thing in life he most desired. But that belongs to another +story. + +Meanwhile he wanted his breakfast on this fresh spring morning. And he +wanted to see Jane. Therefore, as porter and portmanteau made no +advance towards him, the doctor strode down the platform. + +"Now then, my man!" he called. + +"I beg your pardon?" said the Scotch porter. + +"I want my portmanteau." + +"Would this be your portmanteau?" inquired the porter doubtfully. + +"It would," said the doctor. "And it and I would be on our way to +Castle Gleneesh, if you would be bringing it out and putting it into +the motor, which I see waiting outside." + +"I will be fetching a truck," said the porter. But when he returned, +carefully trundling it behind him, the doctor, the portmanteau, and the +motor were all out of sight. + +The porter shaded his eyes and gazed up the road. + +"I will be hoping it WAS his portmanteau," he said, and went back to +his porridge. + +Meanwhile the doctor sped up into the hills, his mind alight with +eagerness to meet Jane and to learn the developments of the last few +days. Her non-appearance at the railway station filled him with an +undefinable anxiety. It would have been so like Jane to have been +there, prompt to seize the chance of a talk with him alone before he +reached the house. He had called up, in anticipation, such a vivid +picture of her, waiting on the platform,--bright, alert, vigorous, with +that fresh and healthy vigour which betokens a good night's rest, a +pleasant early awakening, and a cold tub recently enjoyed,--and the +disappointment of not seeing her had wrought in him a strange +foreboding. What if her nerve had given way under the strain? + +They turned a bend in the winding road, and the grey turrets of +Gleneesh came in sight, high up on the other side of the glen, the moor +stretching away behind and above it. As they wound up the valley to the +moorland road which would bring them round to the house, the doctor +could see, in the clear morning light, the broad lawn and terrace of +Gleneesh, with its gay flower-beds, smooth gravelled walks, and broad +stone parapet, from which was a drop almost sheer down into the glen +below. + +Simpson received him at the hall door; and he just stopped himself in +time, as he was about to ask for Miss Champion. This perilous approach +to a slip reminded him how carefully he must guard words and actions in +this house, where Jane had successfully steered her intricate course. +He would never forgive himself if he gave her away. + +"Mr. Dalmain is in the library, Sir Deryck," said Simpson; and it was a +very alert, clear-headed doctor who followed the man across the hall. + +Garth rose from his chair and walked forward to meet him, his right +hand outstretched, a smile of welcome on his face, and so direct and +unhesitating a course that the doctor had to glance at the sightless +face to make sure that this lithe, graceful, easy-moving figure was +indeed the blind man he had come to see. Then he noticed a length of +brown silk cord stretched from an arm of the chair Garth had quitted to +the door. Garth's left hand had slipped lightly along it as he walked. + +The doctor put his hand into the one outstretched, and gripped it +warmly. + +"My dear fellow! What a change!" + +"Isn't it?" said Garth delightedly. "And it is entirely she who has +worked it,--the capital little woman you sent up to me. I want to tell +you how first-rate she is." He had reached his chair again, and found +and drew forward for the doctor the one in which Jane usually sat, +"this is her own idea." He unhitched the cord, and let it fall to the +floor, a fine string remaining attached to it and to the chair, by +which he could draw it up again at will. "There is one on this side +leading to the piano, and one here to the window. Now how should you +know them apart?" + +"They are brown, purple, and orange," replied the doctor. + +"Yes," said Garth. "You know them by the colours, but I distinguish +them by a slight difference in the thickness and in the texture, which +you could not see, but which I can feel. And I enjoy thinking of the +colours, too. And sometimes I wear ties and things to match them. You +see, I know exactly how they look; and it was so like her to remember +that. An ordinary nurse would have put red, green, and blue, and I +should have sat and hated the thought of them knowing how vilely they +must be clashing with my Persian carpet. But she understands how much +colours mean to me, even though I cannot see them." + +"I conclude that by 'she' you mean Nurse Rosemary," said the doctor. "I +am glad she is a success." + +"A success!" exclaimed Garth. "Why, she helped me to live again! I am +ashamed to remember how at the bottom of all things I was when you came +up before, Brand,--just pounding the wall, as old Robbie expresses it. +You must have thought me a fool and a coward." + +"I thought you neither, my dear fellow. You were coming through a +stiffer fight than any of us have been called to face. Thank God, you +have won." + +"I owe a lot to you, Brand, and still more to Miss Gray. I wish she +were here to see you. She is away for the week-end." + +"Away! J--just now?" exclaimed the doctor, almost surprised into +another slip. + +"Yes; she went last night. She is week-ending in the neighbourhood. She +said she was not going far, and should be back with me early on Monday +morning. But she seemed to want a change of scene, and thought this a +good opportunity, as I shall have you here most of the time. I say, +Brand, I do think it is extraordinarily good of you to come all this +way to see me. You know, from such a man as yourself it is almost +overwhelming." + +"You must not be overwhelmed, my dear chap; and, though I very truly +came to see you, I am also up, about another old friend in the near +neighbourhood in whom I am interested. I only mention this in order to +be quite honest, and to lift from off you any possible burden of +feeling yourself my only patient." + +"Oh, thanks!" said Garth. "It lessens my compunction without +diminishing my gratitude. And now you must be wanting a brush up and +breakfast, and here am I selfishly keeping you from both. And I say, +Brand,"--Garth coloured hotly, boyishly, and hesitated,--"I am awfully +sorry you will have no companion at your meals, Miss Gray being away. I +do not like to think of you having them alone, but I--I always have +mine by myself. Simpson attends to them." + +He could not see the doctor's quick look of comprehension, but the +understanding sympathy of the tone in which he said: "Ah, yes. Yes, of +course," without further comment, helped Garth to add: "I couldn't even +have Miss Gray with me. We always take our meals apart. You cannot +imagine how awful it is chasing your food all round your plate, and +never sure it is not on the cloth, after all, or on your tie, while you +are hunting for it elsewhere." + +"No, I can't imagine," said the doctor. "No one could who had not been +through it. But can you bear it better with Simpson than with Nurse +Rosemary? She is trained to that sort of thing, you know." + +Garth coloured again. "Well, you see, Simpson is the chap who shaves +me, and gets me into my clothes, and takes me about; and, though it +will always be a trial, it is a trial to which I am growing accustomed. +You might put it thus: Simpson is eyes to my body; Miss Gray is vision +to my mind. Simpson's is the only touch which cores to me in the +darkness. Do you know, Miss Gray has never touched me,--not even to +shake hands. I am awfully glad of this. I will tell you why presently, +if I may. It makes her just a MIND and VOICE to me, and nothing more; +but a wonderfully kind and helpful voice. I feel as if I could not live +without her." + +Garth rang the bell and Simpson appeared. + +"Take Sir Deryck to his room; and he will tell you what time he would +like breakfast. And when you have seen to it all, Simpson, I will go +out for a turn. Then I shall be free, Brand, when you are. But do not +give me any more time this morning if you ought to be resting, or out +on the moors having a holiday from minds and men." + +The doctor tubbed and got into his knickerbockers and an old Norfolk +jacket; then found his way to the dining-room, and did full justice to +an excellent breakfast. He was still pondering the problem of Jane, and +at the same time wondering in another compartment of his mind in what +sort of machine old Margery made her excellent coffee, when that good +lady appeared, enveloped in an air of mystery, and the doctor +immediately propounded the question. + +"A jug," said old Margery. "And would you be coming with me, Sir +Deryck,--and softly, whenever you have finished your breakfast?" + +"Softly," said Margery again, as they crossed the hall, the doctor's +tall figure closely following in her portly wake. After mounting a few +stairs she turned to whisper impressively: "It is not what ye make it +IN; it is HOW ye make it." She ascended a few more steps, then turned +to say: "It all hangs upon the word FRESH," and went on mounting. +"Freshly roasted--freshly ground--water--freshly-boiled--" said old +Margery, reaching the topmost stair somewhat breathless; then turning, +bustled along a rather dark passage, thickly carpeted, and hung with +old armour and pictures. + +"Where are we going, Mistress Margery?" asked the doctor, adapting his +stride to her trot--one to two. + +"You will be seeing whenever we get there, Sir Deryck," said Margery. +"And never touch it with metal, Sir Deryck. Pop it into an earthenware +jug, pour your boiling water straight upon it, stir it with a wooden +spoon, set it on the hob ten minutes to settle; the grounds will all go +to the bottom, though you might not think it; and you pour it +out--fragrant, strong, and clear. But the secret is, fresh, fresh, +fresh, and don't stint your coffee." + +Old Margery paused before a door at the end of the passage, knocked +lightly; then looked up at the doctor with her hand on the door-handle, +and an expression of pleading earnestness in her faithful Scotch eyes. + +"And you will not forget the wooden spoon, Sir Deryck?" + +The doctor looked down into the kind old face raised to his in the dim +light. "I will not forget the wooden spoon, Mistress Margery," he said, +gravely. And old Margery, turning the handle whispered mysteriously +into the half-opened doorway: "It will be Sir Deryck, Miss Gray," and +ushered the doctor into a cosy little sitting-room. + +A bright fire burned in the grate. In a high-backed arm-chair in front +of it sat Jane, with her feet on the fender. He could only see the top +of her head, and her long grey knees; but both were unmistakably Jane's: + +"Oh, Dicky!" she said, and a great thankfulness was in her voice, "is +it you? Oh, come in, Boy, and shut the door. Are we alone? Come round +here quick and shake hands, or I shall be plunging about trying to find +you." + +In a moment the doctor had reached the hearth-rug, dropped on one knee +in front of the large chair, and took the vaguely groping hands held +out to him. + +"Jeanette?" he said. "Jeanette!" And then surprise and emotion silenced +him. + +Jane's eyes were securely bandaged. A black silk scarf, folded in four +thicknesses, was firmly tied at the back of her smooth coils of hair. +There was a pathetic helplessness about her large capable figure, +sitting alone, in this bright little sitting-room, doing nothing. + +"Jeanette!" said the doctor, for the third time. "And you call this +week-ending?" + +"Dear," said Jane, "I have gone into Sightless Land for my week-end. +Oh, Deryck, I had to do it. The only way really to help him is to know +exactly what it means, in all the small, trying details. I never had +much imagination, and I have exhausted what little I had. And he never +complains, or explains how things come hardest. So the only way to find +out is to have forty-eight hours of it one's self. Old Margery and +Simpson quite enter into it, and are helping me splendidly. Simpson +keeps the coast clear if we want to come down or go out; because with +two blind people about, it would be a complication if they ran into one +another. Margery helps me with all the things in which I am helpless; +and, oh Dicky, you would never believe how many they are! And the +awful, awful dark--a black curtain always in front of you, sometimes +seeming hard and firm, like a wall of coal, within an inch of your +face; sometimes sinking away into soft depths of blackness--miles and +miles of distant, silent, horrible darkness; until you feel you must +fall forward into it and be submerged and overwhelmed. And out of that +darkness come voices. And if they speak loudly, they hit you like +tapping hammers; and if they murmur indistinctly, they madden you +because you can't SEE what is causing it. You can't see that they are +holding pins in their mouths, and that therefore they are mumbling; or +that they are half under the bed, trying to get out something which has +rolled there, and therefore the voice seems to come from somewhere +beneath the earth. And, because you cannot see these things to account +for it, the variableness of sound torments you. Ah!--and the waking in +the morning to the same blackness as you have had all night! I have +experienced it just once,--I began my darkness before dinner last +night,--and I assure you, Deryck, I dread to-morrow morning. Think what +it must be to wake to that always, with no prospect of ever again +seeing the sunlight! And then the meals--" + +"What! You keep it on?" The doctor's voice sounded rather strained. + +"Of course," said Jane. "And you cannot imagine the humiliation of +following your food all round the plate, and then finding it on the +table-cloth; of being quite sure there was a last bit somewhere, and +when you had given up the search and gone on to another course, +discovering it, eventually, in your lap. I do not wonder my poor boy +would not let me come to his meals. But after this I believe he will, +and I shall know exactly how to help him and how to arrange so that +very soon he will have no difficulty. Oh, Dicky, I had to do it! There +was no other way." + +"Yes," said the doctor quietly, "you had to do it." And Jane in her +blindness could not see the working of his face, as he added below his +breath: "You being YOU, dear, there was no other way." + +"Ah, how glad I am you realise the necessity, Deryck! I had so feared +you might think it useless or foolish. And it was now or never; because +I trust--if he forgives me--this will be the only week-end I shall ever +have to spend away from him. Boy, do you think he will forgive me?" + +It was fortunate Jane was blind: The doctor swallowed a word, then: +"Hush, dear," he said. "You make me sigh for the duchess's parrot. And +I shall do no good here, if I lose patience with Dalmain. Now tell me; +you really never remove that bandage?" + +"Only to wash my face," replied Jane, smiling. "I can trust myself not +to peep for two minutes. And last night I found it made my head so hot +that I could not sleep; so I slipped it off for an hour or two, but +woke and put it on again before dawn." + +"And you mean to wear it until to-morrow morning?" + +Jane smiled rather wistfully. She knew what was involved in that +question. + +"Until to-morrow night, Boy," she answered gently. + +"But, Jeanette," exclaimed the doctor, in indignant protest; "surely +you will see me before I go! My dear girl, would it not be carrying the +experiment unnecessarily far?" + +"Ah, no," said Jane, leaning towards him with her pathetic bandaged +eyes. "Don't you see, dear, you give me the chance of passing through +what will in time be one of his hardest experiences, when his dearest +friends will come and go, and be to him only voice and touch; their +faces unseen and but dimly remembered? Deryck, just because this +hearing and not seeing you IS so hard, I realise how it is enriching me +in what I can share with him. He must not have to say: 'Ah, but you saw +him before he left.' I want to be able to say: 'He came and went,--my +greatest friend,--and I did not see him at all.'" + +The doctor walked over to the window and stood there, whistling softly. +Jane knew he was fighting down his own vexation. She waited patiently. +Presently the whistling stopped and she heard him laugh. Then he came +back and sat down near her. + +"You always were a THOROUGH old thing!" he said. + +"No half-measures would do. I suppose I must agree." + +Jane reached out for his hand. "Ah, Boy," she said, "now you will help +me. But I never before knew you so nearly selfish." + +"The 'other man' is always a problem," said the doctor. "We male +brutes, by nature, always want to be first with all our women; not +merely with the one, but with all those in whom we consider, sometimes +with egregious presumption, that we hold a right. You see it +everywhere,--fathers towards their daughters, brothers as regards their +sisters, friends in a friendship. The 'other man,' when he arrives, is +always a pill to swallow. It is only natural, I suppose; but it is +fallen nature and therefore to be surmounted. Now let me go and forage +for your hat and coat, and take you out upon the moors. No? Why not? I +often find things for Flower, so really I know likely places in which +to search. Oh, all right! I will send Margery. But don't be long. And +you need not be afraid of Dalmain hearing us, for I saw him just now +walking briskly up and down the terrace, with only an occasional touch +of his cane against the parapet. How much you have already +accomplished! We shall talk more freely out on the moor; and, as I +march you along, we can find out tips which may be useful when the time +comes for you to lead the 'other man' about. Only do be careful how you +come downstairs with old Margery. Think if you fell upon her, Jane! She +does make such excellent coffee!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV + +THE MAN'S POINT OF VIEW + + +A deep peace reigned in the library at Gleneesh. Garth and Deryck sat +together and smoked in complete fellowship, enjoying that sense of calm +content which follows an excellent dinner and a day spent in moorland +air. + +Jane, sitting upstairs in her self-imposed darkness, with nothing to do +but listen, fancied she could hear the low hum of quiet voices in the +room beneath, carrying on a more or less continuous conversation. + +It was a pity she could not see them as they sat together, each looking +his very best,--Garth in the dinner jacket which suited his slight +upright figure so well; the doctor in immaculate evening clothes of the +latest cut and fashion, which he had taken the trouble to bring, +knowing Jane expected the men of her acquaintance to be punctilious in +the matter of evening dress, and little dreaming she would have, +literally, no eyes for him. + +And indeed the doctor himself was fastidious to a degree where clothes +were concerned, and always well groomed and unquestionably correct in +cut and fashion, excepting in the case of his favourite old Norfolk +jacket. This he kept for occasions when he intended to be what he +called "happy and glorious," though Lady Brand made gentle but +persistent attempts to dispose of it. + +The old Norfolk jacket had walked the moors that morning with Jane. She +had recognised the feel of it as he drew her hand within his arm, and +they had laughed over its many associations. But now Simpson was +folding it and putting it away, and a very correctly clad doctor sat in +an arm-chair in front of the library fire, his long legs crossed the +one over the other, his broad shoulders buried in the depths of the +chair. + +Garth sat where he could feel the warm flame of the fire, pleasant in +the chill evening which succeeded the bright spring day. His chair was +placed sideways, so that he could, with his hand, shield his face from +his visitor should he wish to do so. + +"Yes," Dr. Brand was saying thoughtfully, "I can easily see that all +things which reach you in that darkness assume a different proportion +and possess a greatly enhanced value. But I think you will find, as +time goes on, and you come in contact with more people, there will be a +great readjustment, and you will become less consciously sensitive to +sound and touch from others. At present your whole nervous system is +highly strung, and responds with an exaggerated vibration to every +impression made upon it. A highly strung nervous system usually +exaggerates. And the medium of sight having been taken away, the other +means of communication with the outer world, hearing and touch, draw to +themselves an overplus of nervous force, and have become painfully +sensitive. Eventually things will right themselves, and they will only +be usefully keen and acute. What was it you were going to tell me about +Nurse Rosemary not shaking hands?" + +"Ah, yes," said Garth. "But first I want to ask, Is it a rule of her +order, or guild, or institution, or whatever it is to which she +belongs, that the nurses should never shake hands with their patients?" + +"Not that I have ever heard," replied the doctor. + +"Well, then, it must have been Miss Gray's own perfect intuition as to +what I want, and what I don't want. For from the very first she has +never shaken hands, nor in any way touched me. Even in passing across +letters, and handing me things, as she does scores of times daily, +never once have I felt her fingers against mine." + +"And this pleases you?" inquired the doctor, blowing smoke rings into +the air, and watching the blind face intently. + +"Ah, I am so grateful for it," said Garth earnestly. "Do you know, +Brand, when you suggested sending me a lady nurse and secretary, I felt +I could not possibly stand having a woman touch me." + +"So you said," commented the doctor quietly. + +"No! Did I? What a bear you must have thought me." + +"By no means," said the doctor, "but a distinctly unusual patient. As a +rule, men--" + +"Ah, I dare say," Garth interposed half impatiently. "There was a time +when I should have liked a soft little hand about me. And I dare say by +now I should often enough have caught it and held it, perhaps kissed +it--who knows? I used to do such things, lightly enough. But, Brand, +when a man has known the touch of THE Woman, and when that touch has +become nothing but a memory; when one is dashed into darkness, and that +memory becomes one of the few things which remain, and, remaining, +brings untold comfort, can you wonder if one fears another touch which +might in any way dim that memory, supersede it, or take away from its +utter sacredness?" + +"I understand," said the doctor slowly. "It does not come within my own +experience, but I understand. Only--my dear boy, may I say it?--if the +One Woman exists--and it is excusable in your case to doubt it, because +there were so many--surely her place should be here; her actual touch, +one of the things which remain." + +"Ah, say it," answered Garth, lighting another cigarette. "I like to +hear it said, although as a matter of fact you might as well say that +if the view from the terrace exists, I ought to be able to see it. The +view is there, right enough, but my own deficiency keeps me from seeing +it." + +"In other words," said the doctor, leaning forward and picking up the +match which, not being thrown so straight as usual, had just missed the +fire; "in other words, though She was the One Woman, you were not the +One Man?" + +"Yes," said Garth bitterly, but almost beneath his breath. "I was 'a +mere boy.'" + +"Or you thought you were not," continued the doctor, seeming not to +have heard the last remark. "As a matter of fact, you are always the +One Man to the One Woman, unless another is before you in the field. +Only it may take time and patience to prove it to her." + +Garth sat up and turned a face of blank surprise towards the doctor. +"What an extraordinary statement!" he said. "Do you really mean it?" + +"Absolutely," replied the doctor in a tone of quiet conviction. "If you +eliminate all other considerations, such as money, lands, titles, +wishes of friends, attraction of exteriors--that is to say, admiration +of mere physical beauty in one another, which is after all just a +question of comparative anatomy; if, freed of all this social and +habitual environment, you could place the man and the woman in a mental +Garden of Eden, and let them face one another, stripped of all shams +and conventionalities, soul viewing soul, naked and unashamed; if under +those circumstances she is so truly his mate, that all the noblest of +the man cries out: 'This is the One Woman!' then I say, so truly is he +her mate, that he cannot fail to be the One Man; only he must have the +confidence required to prove it to her. On him it bursts, as a +revelation; on her it dawns slowly, as the breaking of the day." + +"Oh, my God," murmured Garth brokenly, "it was just that! The Garden of +Eden, soul to soul, with no reservations, nothing to fear, nothing to +hide. I realised her my WIFE, and called her so. And the next morning +she called ME 'a mere boy,' whom she could not for a moment think of +marrying. So what becomes of your fool theory, Brand?" + +"Confirmed," replied the doctor quietly. "Eve, afraid of the immensity +of her bliss, doubtful of herself, fearful of coming short of the +marvel of his ideal of her, fleeing from Adam, to hide among the trees +of the garden. Don't talk about fool theories, my boy. The fool-fact +was Adam, if he did not start in prompt pursuit." + +Garth sat forward, his hands clutching the arms of his chair. That +quiet, level voice was awakening doubts as to his view of the +situation, the first he had had since the moment of turning and walking +down the Shenstone village church three years ago. His face was livid, +and as the firelight played upon it the doctor saw beads of +perspiration gleam on his forehead. + +"Oh, Brand," he said, "I am blind. Be merciful. Things mean so terribly +much in the dark." + +The doctor considered. Could his nurses and students have seen the look +on his face at that moment, they would have said that he was performing +a most critical and delicate operation, in which a slip of the scalpel +might mean death to the patient. They would have been right; for the +whole future of two people hung in the balance; depending, in this +crisis, upon the doctor's firmness and yet delicacy of touch. This +strained white face in the firelight, with its beads of mental agony +and its appealing "I am blind," had not entered into the doctor's +calculations. It was a view of "the other man" upon which he could not +look unmoved. But the thought of that patient figure with bandaged eyes +sitting upstairs in suspense, stretching dear helpless hands to him, +steadied the doctor's nerve. He looked into the fire. + +"You may be blind, Dalmain, but I do not want you to be a fool," said +the doctor quietly. + +"Am I--was I--a fool?" asked Garth. + +"How can I judge?" replied the doctor. "Give me a clear account of the +circumstances from your point of view, and I will give you my opinion +of the case." + +His tone was so completely dispassionate and matter-of-fact, that it +had a calming effect on Garth, giving him also a sense of security. The +doctor might have been speaking of a sore throat, or a tendency to +sciatica. + +Garth leaned back in his chair, slipped his hand into the breast-pocket +of his jacket, and touched a letter lying there. Dare he risk it? Could +he, for once take for himself the comfort of speaking of his trouble to +a man he could completely trust, and yet avoid the danger of betraying +her identity to one who knew her so intimately? + +Garth weighed this, after the manner of a chess-player looking several +moves ahead. Could the conversation become more explicit, sufficiently +so to be of use, and yet no clue be given which would reveal Jane as +the One Woman? + +Had the doctor uttered a word of pressure or suggestion, Garth would +have decided for silence. But the doctor did not speak. He leaned +forward and reached the poker, mending the fire with extreme care and +method. He placed a fragrant pine log upon the springing flame, and as +he did so he whistled softly the closing bars of Veni, Creator Spiritus. + +Garth, occupied with his own mental struggle, was, for once, oblivious +to sounds from without, and did not realise why, at this critical +moment, these words should have come with gentle insistence into his +mind: + + "Keep far our foes; give peace at home; + Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come." + +He took them as an omen. They turned the scale. + +"Brand," he said, "if, as you are so kind as to suggest, I give myself +the extreme relief of confiding in you, will you promise me never to +attempt to guess at the identity of the One Woman?" + +The doctor smiled; and the smile in his voice as he answered, added to +Garth's sense of security. + +"My dear fellow," he said, "I never guess at other people's secrets. It +is a form of mental recreation which does not appeal to me, and which I +should find neither entertaining nor remunerative. If I know them +already, I do not require to guess them. If I do not know them, and +their possessors wish me to remain in ignorance, I would as soon think +of stealing their purse as of filching their secret." + +"Ah, thanks," said Garth. "Personally, I do not mind what you know. But +I owe it to her, that her name should not appear." + +"Undoubtedly," said the doctor. "Except in so far as she herself, +chooses to reveal it, the One Woman's identity should always remain a +secret. Get on with your tale, old chap. I will not interrupt." + +"I will state it as simply and as shortly as I can," began Garth. "And +you will understand that there are details of which no fellow could +speak.--I had known her several years in a friendly way, just staying +at the same houses, and meeting at Lord's and Henley and all the places +where those in the same set do meet. I always liked her, and always +felt at my best with her, and thought no end of her opinion, and so +forth. She was a friend and a real chum to me, and to lots of other +fellows. But one never thought of love-making in connection with her. +All the silly things one says to ordinary women she would have laughed +at. If one had sent her flowers to wear, she would have put them in a +vase and wondered for whom they had really been intended. She danced +well, and rode straight; but the man she danced with had to be awfully +good at it, or he found himself being guided through the giddy maze; +and the man who wanted to be in the same field with her, must be +prepared for any fence or any wall. Not that I ever saw her in the +hunting-field; her love of life and of fair play would have kept her +out of that. But I use it as a descriptive illustration. One was always +glad to meet her in a house party, though one could not have explained +why. It is quite impossible to describe her. She was just--well, just--" + +The doctor saw "just Jane" trembling on Garth's lips, and knew how +inadequate was every adjective to express this name. He did not want +the flood of Garth's confidences checked, so he supplied the needed +words. + +"Just a good sort. Yes, I quite understand. Well?" + +"I had had my infatuations, plenty of them," went on the eager young +voice. "The one thing I thought of in women was their exteriors. Beauty +of all kinds--of any kind--crazed me for the moment. I never wanted to +marry them, but I always wanted to paint them. Their mothers, and +aunts, and other old dowagers in the house parties used to think I +meant marriage, but the girls themselves knew better. I don't believe a +girl now walks this earth who would accuse me of flirting. I admired +their beauty, and they knew it, and they knew that was all my +admiration meant. It was a pleasant experience at the time, and, in +several instances, helped forward good marriages later on. Pauline +Lister was apportioned to me for two whole seasons, but she eventually +married the man on whose jolly old staircase I painted her. Why didn't +I come a cropper over any of them? Because there were too many, I +suppose. Also, the attraction was skin-deep. I don't mind telling you +quite frankly: the only one whose beauty used to cause me a real pang +was Lady Brand. But when I had painted it and shown it to the world in +its perfection, I was content. I asked no more of any woman than to +paint her, and find her paintable. I could not explain this to the +husbands and mothers and chaperons, but the women themselves understood +it well enough; and as I sit here in my darkness not a memory rises up +to reproach me." + +"Good boy," said Deryck Brand, laughing. "You were vastly +misunderstood, but I believe you." + +"You see," resumed Garth, "that sort of thing being merely skin-deep, I +went no deeper. The only women I really knew were my mother, who died +when I was nineteen, and Margery Graem, whom I always hugged at meeting +and parting, and always shall hug until I kiss the old face in its +coffin, or she straightens me in mine. Those ties of one's infancy and +boyhood are among the closest and most sacred life can show. Well, so +things were until a certain evening in June several years ago. She--the +One Woman--and I were in the same house party at a lovely old place in +the country. One afternoon we had been talking intimately, but quite +casually and frankly. I had no more thought of wanting to marry her +than of proposing to old Margery. Then--something happened,--I must not +tell you what; it would give too clear a clue to her identity. But it +revealed to me, in a few marvellous moments, the woman in her; the +wife, the mother; the strength, the tenderness; the exquisite +perfection of her true, pure soul. In five minutes there awakened in me +a hunger for her which nothing could still, which nothing ever will +still, until I stand beside her in the Golden City, where they shall +hunger no more, neither thirst any more; and there shall be no more +darkness, or depending upon sun, moon, or candle, for the glory of God +shall lighten it; and there shall be no more sorrow, neither shall +there be any more pain, for former things shall have passed away." + +The blind face shone in the firelight. Garth's retrospection was +bringing him visions of things to come. + +The doctor sat quite still and watched the vision fade. Then he said: +"Well?" + +"Well," continued the young voice in the shadow, with a sound in it of +having dropped back to earth and finding it a mournful place; "I never +had a moment's doubt as to what had happened to me. I knew I loved her; +I knew I wanted her; I knew her presence made my day and her absence +meant chill night; and every day was radiant, for she was there." + +Garth paused for breath and to enjoy a moment of silent retrospection. + +The doctor's voice broke in with a question, clear, incisive. "Was she +a pretty woman; handsome, beautiful?" + +"A pretty woman?" repeated Garth, amazed: "Good heavens, no! Handsome? +Beautiful? Well you have me there, for, 'pon my honour, I don't know." + +"I mean, would you have wished to paint her?" + +"I HAVE painted her," said Garth very low, a moving tenderness in his +voice; "and my two paintings of her, though done in sadness and done +from memory, are the most beautiful work I ever produced. No eye but my +own has ever seen them, and now none ever will see them, excepting +those of one whom I must perforce trust to find them for me, and bring +them to me for destruction." + +"And that will be--?" queried the doctor. + +"Nurse Rosemary Gray," said Garth. + +The doctor kicked the pine log, and the flames darted up merrily. "You +have chosen well," he said, and had to make a conscious effort to keep +the mirth in his face from passing into his voice. "Nurse Rosemary will +be discreet. Very good. Then we may take it the One Woman was +beautiful?" + +But Garth looked perplexed. "I do not know," he answered slowly. "I +cannot see her through the eyes of others. My vision of her, in that +illuminating moment, followed the inspired order of things,--spirit, +soul, and body. Her spirit was so pure and perfect, her soul so +beautiful, noble, and womanly, that the body which clothed soul and +spirit partook of their perfection and became unutterably dear." + +"I see," said the doctor, very gently. "Yes, you dear fellow, I see." +(Oh, Jane, Jane! You were blind, without a bandage, in those days!) + +"Several glorious days went by," continued Garth. "I realise now that I +was living in the glow of my own certainty that she was the One Woman. +It was so clear and sweet and wonderful to me, that I never dreamed of +it not being equally clear to her. We did a lot of music together for +pure enjoyment; we talked of other people for the fun of it; we enjoyed +and appreciated each other's views and opinions; but we did not talk of +ourselves, because we KNEW, at least _I_ knew, and, before God, I +thought she did. Every time I saw her she seemed more grand and +perfect. I held the golden key to trifling matters not understood +before. We young fellows, who all admired her, used nevertheless to +joke a bit about her wearing collars and stocks, top boots and short +skirts; whacking her leg with a riding-whip, and stirring the fire with +her toe. But after that evening, I understood all this to be a sort of +fence behind which she hid her exquisite womanliness, because it was of +a deeper quality than any man looking upon the mere surface of her had +ever fathomed or understood. And when she came trailing down in the +evening, in something rich and clinging and black, with lots of soft +old lace covering her bosom and moving with the beating of her great +tender heart; ah, then my soul rejoiced and my eyes took their fill of +delight! I saw her, as all day long I had known her to be,--perfect in +her proud, sweet womanliness." + +"Is he really unconscious," thought the doctor, "of how unmistakable a +word-picture of Jane he is painting?" + +"Very soon," continued Garth, "we had three days apart, and then met +again at another house, in a weekend party. One of the season's +beauties was there, with whom my name was being freely coupled, and +something she said on that subject, combined with the fearful blankness +of those three interminable days, made me resolve to speak without +delay. I asked her to come out on to the terrace that evening. We were +alone. It was a moonlight night." + +A long silence. The doctor did not break it. He knew his friend was +going over in his mind all those things of which a man does not speak +to another man. + +At last Garth said simply, "I told her." + +No comment from the doctor, who was vividly reminded of Jane's +"Then--it happened," when SHE had reached this point in the story. +After a few moments of further silence, steeped in the silver moonlight +of reminiscence for Garth; occupied by the doctor in a rapid piecing in +of Jane's version; the sad young voice continued: + +"I thought she understood completely. Afterwards I knew she had not +understood at all. Her actions led me to believe I was accepted, taken +into her great love, even as she was wrapped around by mine. Not +through fault of hers,--ah, no; she was blameless throughout; but +because she did not, could not, understand what any touch of hers must +mean to me. In her dear life, there had never been another man; that +much I knew by unerring instinct and by her own admission. I have +sometimes thought that she may have had an ideal in her girlish days, +against whom, in after years, she measured others, and, finding them +come short, held them at arm's length. But, if I am right in this +surmise, he must have been a blind fool, unconscious of the priceless +love which might have been his, had he tried to win it. For I am +certain that, until that night, no man's love had ever flamed about +her; she had never felt herself enveloped in a cry which was all one +passionate, in-articulate, inexplicable, boundless need of herself. +While I thought she understood and responded,--Heaven knows I DID think +it,--she did not in the least understand, and was only trying to be +sympathetic and kind." + +The doctor stirred in his chair, slowly crossed one leg over the other, +and looked searchingly into the blind face. He was finding these +confidences of the "other man" more trying than he had expected. + +"Are you sure of that?" he asked rather huskily. + +"Quite sure," said Garth. "Listen. I called her--what she was to me +just then, what I wanted her to be always, what she is forever, so far +as my part goes, and will be till death and beyond. That one word,--no, +there were two,--those two words made her understand. I see that now. +She rose at once and put me from her. She said I must give her twelve +hours for quiet thought, and she would come to me in the village church +next morning with her answer. Brand, you may think me a fool; you +cannot think me a more egregious ass than I now think myself; but I was +absolutely certain she was mine; so sure that, when she came, and we +were alone together in the house of God, instead of going to her with +the anxious haste of suppliant and lover, I called her to me at the +chancel step as if I were indeed her husband and had the right to bid +her come. She came, and, just as a sweet formality before taking her to +me, I asked for her answer. It was this: 'I cannot marry a mere boy.'" + +Garth's voice choked in his throat on the last word. His head was bowed +in his hands. He had reached the point where most things stopped for +him; where all things had ceased forever to be as they were before. + +The room seemed strangely silent. The eager voice had poured out into +it such a flow of love and hope and longing; such a revealing of a soul +in which the true love of beauty had created perpetual youth; of a +heart held free by high ideals from all playing with lesser loves, but +rising to volcanic force and height when the true love was found at +last. + +The doctor shivered at that anticlimax, as if the chill of an empty +church were in his bones. He knew how far worse it had been than Garth +had told. He knew of the cruel, humiliating question: "How old are +you?" Jane had confessed to it. He knew how the outward glow of adoring +love had faded as the mind was suddenly turned inward to +self-contemplation. He had known it all as abstract fact. Now he saw it +actually before him. He saw Jane's stricken lover, bowed beside him in +his blindness, living again through those sights and sounds which no +merciful curtain of oblivion could ever hide or veil. + +The doctor had his faults, but they were not Peter's. He never, under +any circumstances, spoke BECAUSE he wist not what to say. + +He leaned forward and laid a hand very tenderly on Garth's shoulder. +"Poor chap," he said. "Ah, poor old chap." + +And for a long while they sat thus in silence. + + + + +CHAPTER XXV + +THE DOCTOR'S DIAGNOSIS + + +"So you expressed no opinion? explained nothing? let him go on +believing that? Oh, Dicky! And you might have said so much!" + +In the quiet of the Scotch Sabbath morning, Jane and the doctor had +climbed the winding path from the end of the terrace, which zigzagged +up to a clearing amongst the pines. Two fallen trees at a short +distance from each other provided convenient seats in full sunshine, +facing a glorious view,--down into the glen, across the valley, and +away to the purple hills beyond. The doctor had guided Jane to the +sunnier of the two trunks, and seated himself beside her. Then he had +quietly recounted practically the whole of the conversation of the +previous evening. + +"I expressed no opinion. I explained nothing. I let him continue to +believe what he believes; because it is the only way to keep you on the +pinnacle where he has placed you. Let any other reason for your conduct +than an almost infantine ignorance of men and things be suggested and +accepted, and down you will come, my poor Jane, and great will be the +fall. Mine shall not be the hand thus to hurl you headlong. As you say, +I might have said so much, but I might also have lived to regret it." + +"I should fall into his arms," said Jane recklessly, "and I would +sooner be there than on a pinnacle." + +"Excuse me, my good girl," replied the doctor. "It is more likely you +would fall into the first express going south. In fact, I am not +certain you would wait for an express. I can almost see the Honourable +Jane quitting yonder little railway station, seated in an empty +coal-truck. No! Don't start up and attempt to stride about among the +pine needles," continued the doctor, pulling Jane down beside him +again. "You will only trip over a fir cone and go headlong into the +valley. It is no use forestalling the inevitable fall." + +"Oh, Dicky," sighed Jane, putting her hand through his arm; and leaning +her bandaged eyes against the rough tweed of his shoulder; "I don't +know what has come to you to-day. You are not kind to me. You have +harrowed my poor soul by repeating all Garth said last night; and, +thanks to that terribly good memory of yours, you have reproduced the +tones of his voice in every inflection. And then, instead of comforting +me, you leave me entirely in the wrong, and completely in the lurch." + +"In the wrong--yes," said Deryck; "in the lurch--no. I did not say I +would do nothing to-day. I only said I could do nothing last night. You +cannot take up a wounded thing and turn it about and analyse it. When +we bade each other good-night, I told him I would think the matter over +and give him my opinion to-day. I will tell you what has happened to me +if you like. I have looked into the inmost recesses of a very rare and +beautiful nature, and I have seen what havoc a woman can work in the +life of the man who loves her. I can assure you, last night was no +pastime. I woke this morning feeling as if I had, metaphorically, been +beaten black and blue." + +"Then what do you suppose _I_ feel?" inquired Jane pathetically. + +"You still feel yourself in the right--partly," replied Deryck. "And so +long as you think you have a particle of justification and cling to it, +your case is hopeless. It will have to be: 'I confess. Can you +forgive?'" + +"But I acted for the best," said Jane. "I thought of him before I +thought of myself. It would have been far easier to have accepted the +happiness of the moment, and chanced the future." + +"That is not honest, Jeanette. You thought of yourself first. You dared +not face the possibility of the pain to you if his love cooled or his +admiration waned. When one comes to think of it, I believe every form +of human love--a mother's only excepted--is primarily selfish. The best +chance for Dalmain is that his helpless blindness may awaken the mother +love in you. Then self will go to the wall." + +"Ah me!" sighed Jane. "I am lost and weary and perplexed in this +bewildering darkness. Nothing seems clear; nothing seems right. If I +could see your kind eyes, Boy, your hard voice would hurt less." + +"Well, take off the bandage and look," said the doctor. + +"I will not!" cried Jane furiously. "Have I gone through all this to +fail at the last?" + +"My dear girl, this self-imposed darkness is getting on your nerves. +Take care it does not do more harm than good. Strong remedies--" + +"Hush!" whispered Jane. "I hear footsteps." + +"You can always hear footsteps in a wood if you hearken for them," said +the doctor; but he spoke low, and then sat quiet, listening. + +"I hear Garth's step," whispered Jane. "Oh, Dicky, go to the edge and +look over. You can see the windings of the path below." + +The doctor stepped forward quietly and looked down upon the way they +had ascended. Then he came back to Jane. + +"Yes," he said. "Fortune favours us. Dalmain is coming up the path with +Simpson. He will be here in two minutes." + +"Fortune favours us? My dear Dicky! Of all mis-chances!" Jane's hand +flew to her bandage, but the doctor stayed her just in time. + +"Not at all," he said. "And do not fail at the last in your experiment. +I ought to be able to keep you two blind people apart. Trust me, and +keep dark--I mean, sit still. And can you not understand why I said +fortune favours us? Dalmain is coming for my opinion on the case. You +shall hear it together. It will be a saving of time for me, and most +enlightening for you to mark how he takes it. Now keep quiet. I promise +he shall not sit on your lap. But if you make a sound, I shall have to +say you are a bunny or a squirrel, and throw fir cones at you." + +The doctor rose and sauntered round the bend of the path. + +Jane sat on in darkness. + +"Hullo, Dalmain," she heard Deryck say. "Found your way up here? An +ideal spot. Shall we dispense with Simpson? Take my arm." + +"Yes," replied Garth. "I was told you were up here, Brand, and followed +you." + +They came round the bend together, and out into the clearing. + +"Are you alone?" asked Garth standing still. "I thought I heard voices." + +"You did," replied the doctor. "I was talking to a young woman." + +"What sort of young woman?" asked Garth. + +"A buxom young person," replied the doctor, "with a decidedly touchy +temper." + +"Do you know her name?" + +"Jane," said the doctor recklessly. + +"Not 'Jane,'" said Garth quickly,--"Jean. I know her,--my gardener's +eldest daughter. Rather weighed down by family cares, poor girl." + +"I saw she was weighed down," said the doctor. "I did not know it was +by family cares. Let us sit on this trunk. Can you call up the view to +mind?" + +"Yes," replied Garth; "I know it so well. But it terrifies me to find +how my mental pictures are fading; all but one." + +"And that is--?" asked the doctor. + +"The face of the One Woman," said Garth in his blindness. + +"Ah, my dear fellow," said the doctor, "I have not forgotten my promise +to give you this morning my opinion on your story. I have been thinking +it over carefully, and have arrived at several conclusions. Shall we +sit on this fallen tree? Won't you smoke? One can talk better under the +influence of the fragrant weed." + +Garth took out his cigarette case, chose a cigarette, lighted it with +care, and flung the flaming match straight on to Jane's clasped hands. + +Before the doctor could spring up, Jane had smilingly flicked it off. + +"What nerve!" thought Deryck, with admiration. "Ninety-nine women out +of a hundred would have said 'Ah!' and given away the show. Really, she +deserves to win." + +Suddenly Garth stood up. "I think we shall do better on the other log," +he said unexpectedly. "It is always in fuller sunshine." And he moved +towards Jane. + +With a bound the doctor sprang in front of him, seized Jane with one +strong hand and drew her behind him; then guided Garth to the very spot +where she had been sitting. + +"How accurately you judge distance," he remarked, backing with Jane +towards the further trunk. Then he seated himself beside Garth in the +sunshine. "Now for our talk," said the doctor, and he said it rather +breathlessly. + +"Are you sure we are alone?" asked Garth. "I seem conscious of another +presence." + +"My dear fellow," said the doctor, "is one ever alone in a wood? +Countless little presences surround us. Bright eyes peep down from the +branches; furry tails flick in and out of holes; things unseen move in +the dead leaves at our feet. If you seek solitude, shun the woods." + +"Yes," replied Garth, "I know, and I love listening to them. I meant a +human presence. Brand, I am often so tried by the sense of an unseen +human presence near me. Do you know, I could have sworn the other day +that she--the One Woman--came silently, looked upon me in my blindness, +pitied me, as her great tender heart would do, and silently departed." + +"When was that?" asked the doctor. + +"A few days ago. Dr. Rob had been telling us how he came across her +in--Ah! I must not say where. Then he and Miss Gray left me alone, and +in the lonely darkness and silence I felt her eyes upon me." + +"Dear boy," said the doctor, "you must not encourage this dread of +unseen presences. Remember, those who care for us very truly and deeply +can often make us conscious of their mental nearness, even when far +away, especially if they know we are in trouble and needing them. You +must not be surprised if you are often conscious of the nearness of the +One Woman, for I believe--and I do not say it lightly, Dalmain--I +believe her whole heart and love and life are yours." + +"Good Lord!" exclaimed Garth, and springing up, strode forward +aimlessly. + +The doctor caught him by the arm. In another moment he would have +fallen over Jane's feet. + +"Sit down, man," said the doctor, "and listen to me. You gain nothing +by dashing about in the dark in that way. I am going to prove my words. +But you must give me your calm attention. Now listen. We are confronted +in this case by a psychological problem, and one which very likely has +not occurred to you. I want you for a moment to picture the One Man and +the One Woman facing each other in the Garden of Eden, or in the +moonlight--wherever it was--if you like better. Now will you realise +this? The effect upon a man of falling in love is to create in him a +complete unconsciousness of self. On the other hand, the effect upon a +woman of being loved and sought, and of responding to that love and +seeking, is an accession of intense self-consciousness. He, longing to +win and take, thinks of her only. She, called upon to yield and give, +has her mind turned at once upon herself. Can she meet his need? Is she +all he thinks her? Will she be able to content him completely, not only +now but in the long vista of years to come? The more natural and +unconscious of self she had been before, the harder she would be hit by +this sudden, overwhelming attack of self-consciousness." + +The doctor glanced at Jane on the log six yards away. She had lifted +her clasped hands and was nodding towards him, her face radiant with +relief and thankfulness. + +He felt he was on the right tack. But the blind face beside him clouded +heavily, and the cloud deepened as he proceeded. + +"You see, my dear chap, I gathered from yourself she was not of the +type of feminine loveliness you were known to admire. Might she not +have feared that her appearance would, after a while, have failed to +content you?" + +"No," replied Garth with absolutely finality of tone. "Such a +suggestion is unworthy. Besides, had the idea by any possibility +entered her mind, she would only have had to question me on the point. +My decision would have been final; my answer would have fully reassured +her." + +"Love is blind," quoted the doctor quietly. + +"They lie who say so," cried Garth violently. "Love is so far-seeing +that it sees beneath the surface and delights in beauties unseen by +other eyes." + +"Then you do not accept my theory?" asked the doctor. + +"Not as an explanation of my own trouble," answered Garth; "because I +know the greatness of her nature would have lifted her far above such a +consideration. But I do indeed agree as to the complete oblivion to +self of the man in love. How else could we ever venture to suggest to a +woman that she should marry us? Ah, Brand, when one thinks of it, the +intrusion into her privacy; the asking the right to touch, even her +hand, at will; it could not be done unless the love of her and the +thought of her had swept away all thoughts of self. Looking back upon +that time I remember how completely it was so with me. And when she +said to me in the church: 'How old are you?'--ah, I did not tell you +that last night--the revulsion of feeling brought about by being turned +at that moment in upon myself was so great, that my joy seemed to +shrivel and die in horror at my own unworthiness." + +Silence in the wood. The doctor felt he was playing a losing game. He +dared not look at the silent figure opposite. At last he spoke. + +"Dalmain, there are two possible solutions to your problem. Do you +think it was a case of Eve holding back in virginal shyness, expecting +Adam to pursue?" + +"Ah, no," said Garth emphatically. "We had gone far beyond all that. +Nor could you suggest it, did you know her. She is too honest, too +absolutely straight and true, to have deceived me. Besides, had it been +so, in all these lonely years, when she found I made no sign, she would +have sent me word of what she really meant." + +"Should you have gone to her then?" asked the doctor. + +"Yes," said Garth slowly. "I should have gone and I should have +forgiven--because she is my own. But it could never have been the same. +It would have been unworthy of us both." + +"Well," continued the doctor, "the other solution remains. You have +admitted that the One Woman came somewhat short of the conventional +standard of beauty. Your love of loveliness was so well known. Do you +not think, during the long hours of that night,--remember how new it +was to her to be so worshipped and wanted,--do you not think her +courage failed her? She feared she might come short of what eventually +you would need in the face and figure always opposite you at your +table; and, despite her own great love and yours, she thought it wisest +to avoid future disillusion by rejecting present joy. Her very love for +you would have armed her to this decision." + +The silent figure opposite nodded, and waited with clasped hands. +Deryck was pleading her cause better than she could have pleaded it +herself. + +Silence in the woods. All nature seemed to hush and listen for the +answer. + +Then:--"No," said Garth's young voice unhesitatingly. "In that case she +would have told me her fear, and I should have reassured her +immediately. Your suggestion is unworthy of my beloved." + +The wind sighed in the trees. A cloud passed before the sun. The two +who sat in darkness, shivered and were silent. + +Then the doctor spoke. "My dear boy," he said, and a deep tenderness +was in his voice: "I must maintain my unalterable belief that to the +One Woman you are still the One Man. In your blindness her rightful +place is by your side. Perhaps even now she is yearning to be here. +Will you tell me her name, and give me leave to seek her out, hear from +herself her version of the story; and, if it be as I think, bring her +to you, to prove, in your affliction, her love and tenderness?" + +"Never!" said Garth. "Never, while life shall last! Can you not see +that if when I had sight, and fame, and all heart could desire, I could +not win her love, what she might feel for me now, in my helpless +blindness, could be but pity? And pity from her I could never accept. +If I was 'a mere boy' three years ago, I am 'a mere blind man' now, an +object for kind commiseration. If indeed you are right, and she +mistrusted my love and my fidelity, it is now out of my power forever +to prove her wrong and to prove myself faithful. But I will not allow +the vision of my beloved to be dimmed by these suggestions. For her +completion, she needed so much more than I could give. She refused me +because I was not fully worthy. I prefer it should be so. Let us leave +it at that." + +"It leaves you to loneliness," said the doctor sadly. + +"I prefer loneliness," replied Garth's young voice, "to disillusion. +Hark! I hear the first gong, Brand. Margery will be grieved if we keep +her Sunday dishes waiting." + +He stood up and turned his sightless face towards the view. + +"Ah, how well I know it," he said. "When Miss Gray and I sit up here, +she tells me all she sees, and I tell her what she does not see, but +what I know is there. She is keen on art, and on most of the things I +care about. I must ask for an arm, Brand, though the path is wide and +good. I cannot risk a tumble. I have come one or two awful croppers, +and I promised Miss Gray--The path is wide. Yes, we can walk two +abreast, three abreast if necessary. It is well we had this good path +made. It used to be a steep scramble." + +"Three abreast," said the doctor. "So we could--if necessary." He +stepped back and raised Jane from her seat, drawing her cold hand +through his left arm. "Now, my dear fellow, my right arm will suit you +best; then you can keep your stick in your right hand." + +And thus they started down through the wood, on that lovely Sabbath +morn of early summer; and the doctor walked erect between those two +severed hearts, uniting, and yet dividing them. + +Just once Garth paused and listened. "I seem to hear another footstep," +he said, "besides yours and mine." + +"The wood is full of footsteps," said the doctor, "just as the heart is +full of echoes. If you stand still and listen you can hear what you +will in either." + +"Then let us not stand still," said Garth, "for in old days, if I was +late for lunch, Margery used to spank me." + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI + +HEARTS MEET IN SIGHTLESS LAND + + +"It will be absolutely impossible, Miss Gray, for me ever to tell you +what I think of this that you have done for my sake." + +Garth stood at the open library window. The morning sunlight poured +into the room. The air was fragrant with the scent of flowers, resonant +with the songs of birds. As he stood there in the sunshine, a new look +of strength and hopefulness was apparent in every line of his erect +figure. He held out eager hands towards Nurse Rosemary, but more as an +expression of the outgoing of his appreciation and gratitude than with +any expectation of responsive hands being placed within them. + +"And here was I, picturing you having a gay weekend, and wondering +where, and who your friends in this neighbourhood could be. And all the +while you were sitting blindfold in the room over my head. Ah, the +goodness of it is beyond words! But did you not feel somewhat of a +deceiver, Miss Gray?" + +She always felt that--poor Jane. So she readily answered: "Yes. And yet +I told you I was not going far. And my friends in the neighbourhood +were Simpson and Margery, who aided and abetted. And it was true to say +I was going, for was I not going into darkness? and it is a different +world from the land of light." + +"Ah, how true that is!" cried Garth. "And how difficult to make people +understand the loneliness of it, and how they seem suddenly to arrive +close to one from another world; stooping from some distant planet, +with sympathetic voice and friendly touch; and then away they go to +another sphere, leaving one to the immensity of solitude in Sightless +Land." + +"Yes," agreed Nurse Rosemary, "and you almost dread the coming, because +the going makes the darkness darker, and the loneliness more lonely." + +"Ah, so YOU experienced that?" said Garth. "Do you know, now you have +week-ended in Sightless Land, I shall not feel it such a place of +solitude. At every turn I shall be able to say:--'A dear and faithful +friend has been here.'" + +He laughed a laugh of such almost boyish pleasure, that all the mother +in Jane's love rose up and demanded of her one supreme effort. She +looked at the slight figure in white flannels, leaning against the +window frame, so manly, so beautiful still, and yet so helpless and so +needing the wealth of tenderness which was hers to give. Then, standing +facing him, she opened her arms, as if the great preparedness of that +place of rest, so close to him must, magnet-like, draw him to her; and +standing thus in the sunlight, Jane spoke. + +Was she beautiful? Was she paintable? Would a man grow weary of such a +look turned on him, of such arms held out? Alas! Too late! On that +point no lover shall ever be able to pass judgment. That look is for +one man alone. He only will ever bring it to that loving face. And he +cannot pronounce upon its beauty in voice of rapturous content. He +cannot judge. He cannot see. He is blind! + +"Mr. Dalmain, there are many smaller details; but before we talk of +those I want to tell you the greatest of all the lessons I learned in +Sightless Land." Then, conscious that her emotion was producing in her +voice a resonant depth which might remind him too vividly of notes in +The Rosary, she paused, and resumed in the high, soft edition of her +own voice which it had become second nature to her to use as Nurse +Rosemary: "Mr. Dalmain, it seems to me I learned to understand how that +which is loneliness unspeakable to ONE might be Paradise of a very +perfect kind for TWO. I realised that there might be circumstances in +which the dark would become a very wonderful meeting-place for souls. +If I loved a man who lost his sight, I should be glad to have mine in +order to be eyes for him when eyes were needed; just as, were I rich +and he poor, I should value my money simply as a thing which might be +useful to him. But I know the daylight would often be a trial to me, +because it would be something he could not share; and when evening +came, I should long to say: 'Let us put out the lights and shut away +the moonlight and sit together in the sweet soft darkness, which is +more uniting than the light.'" + +While Jane was speaking, Garth paled as he listened, and his face grew +strangely set. Then, as if under a reaction of feeling, a boyish flush +spread to the very roots of his hair. He visibly shrank from the voice +which was saying these things to him. He fumbled with his right hand +for the orange cord which would guide him to his chair. + +"Nurse Rosemary," he said, and at the tone of his voice Jane's +outstretched arms dropped to her sides; "it is kind of you to tell me +all these beautiful thoughts which came to you in the darkness. But I +hope the man who is happy enough to possess your love, or who is going +to be fortunate enough to win it, will neither be so unhappy nor so +unfortunate as to lose his sight. It will be better for him to live +with you in the light, than to be called upon to prove the kind way in +which you would be willing to adapt yourself to his darkness. How about +opening our letters?" He slipped his hand along the orange cord and +walked over to his chair. + +Then, with a sense of unutterable dismay, Jane saw what she had done. +She had completely forgotten Nurse Rosemary, using her only as a means +of awakening in Garth an understanding of how much her--Jane's--love +might mean to him in his blindness. She had forgotten that, to Garth, +Nurse Rosemary's was the only personality which counted in this +conversation; she, who had just given him such a proof of her interest +and devotion. And--O poor dear Garth! O bold, brazen Nurse +Rosemary!--he very naturally concluded she was making love to him. Jane +felt herself between Scylla and Charybdis, and she took a very prompt +and characteristic plunge. + +She came across to her place on the other side of the small table and +sat down. "I believe it was the thought of him made me realise this," +she said; "but just now I and my young man have fallen out. He does not +even know I am here." + +Garth unbent at once, and again that boyish heightening of colour +indicated his sense of shame at what he had imagined. + +"Ah, Miss Gray," he said eagerly, "you will not think it impertinent or +intrusive on my part, but do you know I have wondered sometimes whether +there was a happy man." + +Nurse Rosemary laughed. "Well, we can't call him a happy man just now," +she said, "so far as his thoughts of me are concerned. My whole heart +is his, if he could only be brought to believe it. But a +misunderstanding has grown up between us,--my fault entirely,--and he +will not allow me to put it right." + +"What a fool!" cried Garth. "Are you and he engaged?" + +Nurse Rosemary hesitated. "Well--not exactly engaged," she said, +"though it practically amounts to that. Neither of us would give a +thought to any one else." + +Garth knew there was a class of people whose preliminary step to +marriage was called "keeping company," a stage above the housemaid's +"walking out," both expressions being exactly descriptive of the +circumstances of the case; for, whereas pretty Phyllis and her swain go +walking out of an evening in byways and between hedges, or along +pavements and into the parks,--these keep each other company in the +parlours and arbours of their respective friends and relations. Yet, +somehow, Garth had never thought of Nurse Rosemary as belonging to any +other class than his own. Perhaps this ass of a fellow, whom he already +cordially disliked, came of a lower stratum; or perhaps the rules of +her nursing guild forbade a definite engagement, but allowed "an +understanding." Anyway the fact remained that the kind-hearted, clever, +delightful little lady, who had done so much for him, had "a young man" +of her own; and this admitted fact lifted a weight from Garth's mind. +He had been so afraid lately of not being quite honest with her and +with himself. She had become so necessary to him, nay, so essential, +and by her skill and devotion had won so deep a place in his gratitude. +Their relation was of so intimate a nature, their companionship so +close and continuous; and into this rather ideal state of things had +heavily trodden Dr. Rob the other day with a suggestion. Garth, alone +with him, bad been explaining how indispensable Miss Gray had become to +his happiness and comfort, and how much he dreaded a recall from her +matron. + +"I fear they do not let them go on indefinitely at one case; but +perhaps Sir Deryck can arrange that this should be an exception," said +Garth. + +"Oh, hang the matron, and blow Sir Deryck," said Dr. Rob breezily. "If +you want her as a permanency, make sure of her. Marry her, my boy! I'll +warrant she'd have you!" + +Thus trod Dr. Rob, with heavily nailed boots, upon the bare toes of a +delicate situation. + +Garth tried to put the suggestion out of his mind and failed. He began +to notice thoughts and plans of Nurse Rosemary's for his benefit, which +so far exceeded her professional duties that it seemed as if there must +be behind them the promptings of a more tender interest. He put the +thought away again and again, calling Dr. Rob an old fool, and himself +a conceited ass. But again and again there came about him, with Nurse +Rosemary's presence, the subtile surrounding atmosphere of a watchful +love. + +Then, one night, he faced and fought a great temptation. + +After all why should he not do as Dr. Rob suggested? Why not marry this +charming, capable, devoted nurse, and have her constantly about him in +his blindness? SHE did not consider him "a mere boy." ... What had he +to offer her? A beautiful home, every luxury, abundant wealth, a +companionship she seemed to find congenial ... But then the Tempter +overreached himself, for he whispered: "And the voice would be always +Jane's. You have never seen the nurse's face; you never will see it. +You can go on putting to the voice the face and form you adore. You can +marry the little nurse, and go on loving Jane." ... Then Garth cried +out in horror: "Avaunt, Satan!" and the battle was won. + +But it troubled his mind lest by any chance her peace of heart should +be disturbed through him. So it was with relief, and yet with an +unreasonable smouldering jealousy, that he heard of the young man to +whom she was devoted. And now it appeared she was unhappy through her +young man, just as he was unhappy through--no, because of--Jane. + +A sudden impulse came over him to do away forever with the thought +which in his own mind had lately come between them, and to establish +their intimacy on an even closer and firmer basis, by being absolutely +frank with her on the matter. + +"Miss Gray," he said, leaning towards her with that delightful smile of +boyish candour which many women had found irresistible, "it is good of +you to have told me about yourself; and, although I confess to feeling +unreasonably jealous of the fortunate fellow who possesses your whole +heart, I am glad he exists, because we all miss something unless we +have in our lives the wonderful experience of the One Woman or the One +Man. And I want to tell you something, dear sweet friend of mine, which +closely touches you and me; only, before I do so, put your hand in +mine, that I may realise you in a closer intimacy than heretofore. You, +who have been in Sightless Land, know how much a hand clasp means down +here." + +Garth stretched his hand across the table, and his whole attitude was +tense with expectation. + +"I cannot do that, Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, in a voice which +shook a little. "I have burned my hands. Oh, not seriously. Do not look +so distressed. Just a lighted match. Yes; while I was blind. Now tell +me the thing which touches you and me." + +Garth withdrew his hand and clasped both around his knee. He leaned +back in his chair, his face turned upwards. There was upon it an +expression so pure, the exaltation of a spirit so lifted above the +temptations of the lower nature, that Jane's eyes filled with tears as +she looked at him. She realised what his love for her, supplemented by +the discipline of suffering, had done for her lover. + +He began to speak softly, not turning towards her. "Tell me," he said, +"is he--very much to you?" + +Jane's eyes could not leave the dear face and figure in the chair. +Jane's emotion trembled in Nurse Rosemary's voice. + +"He is all the world to me," she said. + +"Does he love you as you deserve to be loved?" + +Jane bent and laid her lips on the table where his outstretched hand +had rested. Then Nurse Rosemary answered: "He loved me far, FAR more +than I ever deserved." + +"Why do you say 'loved'? Is not 'loves' the truer tense?" + +"Alas, no!" said Nurse Rosemary, brokenly; "for I fear I have lost his +love by my own mistrust of it and my own wrong-doing." + +"Never!" said Garth. "'Love never faileth.' It may for a time appear to +be dead, even buried. But the Easter morn soon dawns, and lo, Love +ariseth! Love grieved, is like a bird with wet wings. It cannot fly; it +cannot rise. It hops about upon the ground, chirping anxiously. But +every flutter shakes away more drops; every moment in the sunshine is +drying the tiny feathers; and very soon it soars to the tree top, all +the better for the bath, which seemed to have robbed it of the power to +rise." + +"Ah,--if my beloved could but dry his wings," murmured Nurse Rosemary. +"But I fear I did more than wet them. I clipped them. Worse still,--I +broke them." + +"Does he know you feel yourself so in the wrong?" Garth asked the +question very gently. + +"No," replied Nurse Rosemary. "He will give me no chance to explain, +and no opportunity to tell him how he wrongs himself and me by the view +he now takes of my conduct." + +"Poor girl!" said Garth in tones of sympathy and comprehension. "My own +experience has been such a tragedy that I can feel for those whose +course of true love does not run smooth. But take my advice, Miss Gray. +Write him a full confession. Keep nothing back. Tell him just how it +all happened. Any man who truly loves would believe, accept your +explanation, and be thankful. Only, I hope he would not come tearing up +here and take you away from me!" + +Jane smiled through a mist of tears. + +"If he wanted me, Mr. Dalmain, I should have to go to him," said Nurse +Rosemary. + +"How I dread the day," continued Garth, "when you will come and say to +me: 'I have to go.' And, do you know, I have sometimes thought--you +have done so much for me and become so much to me--I have sometimes +thought--I can tell you frankly now--it might have seemed as if there +were a very obvious way to try to keep you always. You are so immensely +worthy of all a man could offer, of all the devotion a man could give. +And because, to one so worthy, I never could have offered less than the +best, I want to tell you that in my heart I hold shrined forever one +beloved face. All others are gradually fading. Now, in my blindness, I +can hardly recall clearly the many lovely faces I have painted and +admired. All are more or less blurred and indistinct. But this one face +grows clearer, thank God, as the darkness deepens. It will be with me +through life, I shall see it in death, THE FACE OF THE WOMAN I LOVE. +You said 'loved' of your lover, hesitating to be sure of his present +state of heart. I can neither say 'love' nor 'loved' of my beloved. She +never loved me. But I love her with a love which makes it impossible +for me to have any 'best' to offer to another woman. If I could bring +myself, from unworthy motives and selfish desires, to ask another to +wed me, I should do her an untold wrong. For her unseen face would be +nothing to me; always that one and only face would be shining in my +darkness. Her voice would be dear, only in so far as it reminded me of +the voice of the woman I love. Dear friend, if you ever pray for me, +pray that I may never be so base as to offer to any woman such a husk +as marriage with me would mean." + +"But--" said Nurse Rosemary. "She--she who has made it a husk for +others; she who might have the finest of the wheat, the full corn in +the ear, herself?" + +"She," said Garth, "has refused it. It was neither fine enough nor full +enough. It was not worthy. O my God, little girl--! What it means, to +appear inadequate to the woman one loves!" + +Garth dropped his face between his hands with a groan. + +Silence unbroken reigned in the library. + +Suddenly Garth began to speak, low and quickly, without lifting his +head. + +"Now," he said, "now I feel it, just as I told Brand, and never so +clearly before, excepting once, when I was alone. Ah, Miss Gray! Don't +move! Don't stir! But look all round the room and tell me whether you +see anything. Look at the window. Look at the door. Lean forward and +look behind the screen. I cannot believe we are alone. I will not +believe it. I am being deceived in my blindness. And yet--I am NOT +deceived. I am conscious of the presence of the woman I love. Her eyes +are fixed upon me in pity, sorrow, and compassion. Her grief at my woe +is so great that it almost enfolds me, as I had dreamed her love would +do ... O my God! She is so near--and it is so terrible, because I do +not wish her near. I would sooner a thousand miles were between us--and +I am certain there are not many yards! ... Is it psychic? or is it +actual? or am I going mad? ... Miss Gray! YOU would not lie to me. No +persuasion or bribery or confounded chicanery could induce YOU to +deceive me on this point. Look around, for God's sake, and tell me! Are +we alone? And if not, WHO IS IN THE ROOM besides you and me?" + +Jane had been sitting with her arms folded upon the table, her yearning +eyes fixed upon Garth's bowed head. When he wished her a thousand miles +away she buried her face upon them. She was so near him that had Garth +stretched out his right hand again, it would have touched the heavy +coils of her soft hair. But Garth did not raise his head, and Jane +still sat with her face buried. + +There was silence in the library for a few moments after Garth's +question and appeal. Then Jane lifted her face. + +"There is no one in the room, Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, "but +YOU--and ME." + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII + +THE EYES GARTH TRUSTED + + +"So you enjoy motoring, Miss Gray?" + +They had been out in the motor together for the first time, and were +now having tea together in the library, also for the first time; and, +for the first time, Nurse Rosemary was pouring out for her patient. +This was only Monday afternoon, and already her week-end experience had +won for her many new privileges. + +"Yes, I like it, Mr. Dalmain; particularly in this beautiful air." + +"Have you had a case before in a house where they kept a motor?" + +Nurse Rosemary hesitated. "Yes, I have stayed in houses where they had +motors, and I have been in Dr. Brand's. He met me at Charing Cross once +with his electric brougham." + +"Ah, I know," said Garth. "Very neat. On your way to a case, or +returning from a case?" + +Nurse Rosemary smiled, then bit her lip. "To a case," she replied quite +gravely. "I was on my way to his house to talk it over and receive +instructions." + +"It must be splendid working under such a fellow as Brand," said Garth; +"and yet I am certain most of the best things you do are quite your own +idea. For instance, he did not suggest your week-end plan, did he? I +thought not. Ah, the difference it has made! Now tell me. When we were +motoring we never slowed up suddenly to pass anything, or tooted to +make something move out of the way, without your having already told me +what we were going to pass or what was in the road a little way ahead. +It was: 'We shall be passing a hay cart at the next bend; there will be +just room, but we shall have to slow up'; or, 'An old red cow is in the +very middle of the road a little way on. I think she will move if we +hoot.' Then, when the sudden slow down and swerve came, or the toot +toot of the horn, I knew all about it and was not taken unawares. Did +you know how trying it is in blindness to be speeding along and +suddenly alter pace without having any idea why, or swerve to one side, +and not know what one has just been avoiding? This afternoon our spin +was pure pleasure, because not once did you let these things happen. I +knew all that was taking place, as soon as I should have known it had I +had my sight." + +Jane pressed her hand over her bosom. Ah, how able she was always to +fill her boy's life with pure pleasure. How little of the needless +suffering of the blind should ever be his if she won the right to be +beside him always. + +"Well, Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, "I motored to the station +with Sir Deryck yesterday afternoon, and I noticed all you describe. I +have never before felt nervous in a motor, but I realised yesterday how +largely that is owing to the fact that all the time one keeps an +unconscious look-out; measuring distances, judging speed, and knowing +what each turn of the handle means. So when we go out you must let me +be eyes to you in this." + +"How good you are!" said Garth, gratefully. "And did you see Sir Deryck +off?" + +"No. I did not SEE Sir Deryck at all. But he said good-bye, and I felt +the kind, strong grip of his hand as he left me in the car. And I sat +there and heard his train start and rush away into the distance." + +"Was it not hard to you to let him come and go and not to see his face?" + +Jane smiled. "Yes, it was hard," said Nurse Rosemary; "but I wished to +experience that hardness." + +"It gives one an awful blank feeling, doesn't it?" said Garth. + +"Yes. It almost makes one wish the friend had not come." + +"Ah--" There was a depth of contented comprehension in Garth's sigh; +and the brave heart, which had refused to lift the bandage to the very +last, felt more than recompensed. + +"Next time I reach the Gulf of Partings in Sightless Land," continued +Garth, "I shall say: 'A dear friend has stood here for my sake.'" + +"Oh, and one's meals," said Nurse Rosemary laughing. "Are they not +grotesquely trying?" + +"Yes, of course; I had forgotten you would understand all that now. I +never could explain to you before why I must have my meals alone. You +know the hunt and chase?" + +"Yes," said Nurse Rosemary, "and it usually resolves itself into 'gone +away,' and turns up afterwards unexpectedly! But, Mr. Dalmain, I have +thought out several ways of helping so much in that and making it all +quite easy. If you will consent to have your meals with me at a small +table, you will see how smoothly all will work. And later on, if I am +still here, when you begin to have visitors, you must let me sit at +your left, and all my little ways of helping would be so unobtrusive, +that no one would notice." + +"Oh, thanks," said Garth. "I am immensely grateful. I have often been +reminded of a silly game we used to play at Overdene, at dessert, when +we were a specially gay party. Do you know the old Duchess of Meldrum? +Or anyway, you may have heard of her? Ah, yes, of course, Sir Deryck +knows her. She called him in once to her macaw. She did not mention the +macaw on the telephone, and Sir Deryck, thinking he was wanted for the +duchess, threw up an important engagement and went immediately. Luckily +she was at her town house. She would have sent just the same had she +been at Overdene. I wish you knew Overdene. The duchess gives perfectly +delightful 'best parties,' in which all the people who really enjoy +meeting one another find themselves together, and are well fed and well +housed and well mounted, and do exactly as they like; while the dear +old duchess tramps in and out, with her queer beasts and birds, +shedding a kindly and exciting influence wherever she goes. Last time I +was there she used to let out six Egyptian jerboas in the drawing-room +every evening after dinner, awfully jolly little beggars, like +miniature kangaroos. They used to go skipping about on their hind legs, +frightening some of the women into fits by hiding under their gowns, +and making young footmen drop trays of coffee cups. The last +importation is a toucan,--a South American bird, with a beak like a +banana, and a voice like an old sheep in despair. But Tommy, the +scarlet macaw, remains prime favourite, and I must say he is clever and +knows more than you would think." + +"Well, at Overdene we used to play a silly game at dessert with +muscatels. We each put five raisins at intervals round our plates, then +we shut our eyes and made jabs at them with forks. Whoever succeeded +first in spiking and eating all five was the winner. The duchess never +would play. She enjoyed being umpire, and screaming at the people who +peeped. Miss Champion and I--she is the duchess's niece, you +know--always played fair, and we nearly always made a dead heat of it." + +"Yes," said Nurse Rosemary, "I know that game. I thought of it at once +when I had my blindfold meals." + +"Ah," cried Garth, "had I known, I would not have let you do it!" + +"I knew that," said Nurse Rosemary. "That was why I week-ended." + +Garth passed his cup to be refilled, and leaned forward confidentially. + +"Now," he said, "I can venture to tell you one of my minor trials. I am +always so awfully afraid of there being a FLY in things. Ever since I +was a small boy I have had such a horror of inadvertently eating flies. +When I was about six, I heard a lady visitor say to my mother: 'Oh, one +HAS to swallow a fly--about once a year! I have just swallowed mine, on +the way here!' This terrible idea of an annual fly took possession of +my small mind. I used to be thankful when it happened, and I got it +over. I remember quickly finishing a bit of bread in which I had seen +signs of legs and wings, feeling it was an easy way of taking it and I +should thus be exempt for twelve glad months; but I had to run up and +down the terrace with clenched hands while I swallowed it. And when I +discovered the fallacy of the annual fly, I was just as particular in +my dread of an accidental one. I don't believe I ever sat down to +sardines on toast at a restaurant without looking under the toast for +my bugbear, though as I lifted it I felt rather like the old woman who +always looks under the bed for a burglar. Ah, but since the accident +this foolishly small thing HAS made me suffer! I cannot say: 'Simpson, +are you sure there is not a fly in this soup?' Simpson would say: +'No--sir; no fly--sir,' and would cough behind his hand, and I could +never ask him again." + +Nurse Rosemary leaned forward and placed his cup where he could reach +it easily, just touching his right hand with the edge of the saucer. +"Have all your meals with me," she said, in a tone of such complete +understanding, that it was almost a caress; "and I can promise there +shall never be any flies in anything. Could you not trust my eyes for +this?" + +And Garth replied, with a happy, grateful smile: "I could trust your +kind and faithful eyes for anything. Ah! and that reminds me: I want to +intrust to them a task I could confide to no one else. Is it twilight +yet, Miss Gray, or is an hour of daylight left to us?" + +Nurse Rosemary glanced out of the window and looked at her watch. "We +ordered tea early," she said, "because we came in from our drive quite +hungry. It is not five o'clock yet, and a radiant afternoon. The sun +sets at half-past seven." + +"Then the light is good," said Garth. "Have you finished tea? The sun +will be shining in at the west window of the studio. You know my studio +at the top of the house? You fetched the studies of Lady Brand from +there. I dare say you noticed stacks of canvases in the corners. Some +are unused; some contain mere sketches or studies; some are finished +pictures. Miss Gray, among the latter are two which I am most anxious +to identify and to destroy. I made Simpson guide me up the other day +and leave me there alone. And I tried to find them by touch; but I +could not be sure, and I soon grew hopelessly confused amongst all the +canvases. I did not wish to ask Simpson's help, because the subjects, +are--well, somewhat unusual, and if he found out I had destroyed them +it might set him wondering and talking, and one hates to awaken +curiosity in a servant. I could not fall back on Sir Deryck because he +would have recognised the portraits. The principal figure is known to +him. When I painted those pictures I never dreamed of any eye but my +own seeing them. So you, my dear and trusted secretary, are the one +person to whom I can turn. Will you do what I ask? And will you do it +now?" + +Nurse Rosemary pushed back her chair. "Why of course, Mr. Dalmain. I am +here to do anything and everything you may desire; and to do it when +you desire it." + +Garth took a key from his waistcoat pocket, and laid it on the table. +"There is the studio latch-key. I think the canvases I want are in the +corner furthest from the door, behind a yellow Japanese screen. They +are large--five feet by three and a half. If they are too cumbersome +for you to bring down, lay them face to face, and ring for Simpson. But +do not leave him alone with them." + +Nurse Rosemary picked up the key, rose, and went over to the piano, +which she opened. Then she tightened the purple cord, which guided +Garth from his chair to the instrument. + +"Sit and play," she said, "while I am upstairs, doing your commission. +But just tell me one thing. You know how greatly your work interests +me. When I find the pictures, is it your wish that I give them a mere +cursory glance, just sufficient for identification; or may I look at +them, in the beautiful studio light? You can trust me to do whichever +you desire." + +The artist in Garth could not resist the wish to have his work seen and +appreciated. "You may look at them of course, if you wish," he sail. +"They are quite the best work I ever did, though I painted them wholly +from memory. That is--I mean, that used to be--a knack of mine. And +they are in no sense imaginary. I painted exactly what I saw--at least, +so far as the female face and figure are concerned. And they make the +pictures. The others are mere accessories." He stood up, and went to +the piano. His fingers began to stray softly amongst the harmonies of +the Veni. + +Nurse Rosemary moved towards the door. "How shall I know them?" she +asked, and waited. + +The chords of the Veni hushed to a murmur, Garth's voice from the piano +came clear and distinct, but blending with the harmonies as if he were +reciting to music. + +"A woman and a man ... alone, in a garden--but the surroundings are +only indicated. She is in evening dress; soft, black, and trailing; +with lace at her breast. It is called: 'The Wife.'" + +"Yes?" + +"The same woman; the same scene; but without the man, this time. No +need to paint the man; for now--visible or invisible--to her, he is +always there. In her arms she holds"--the low murmur of chords ceased; +there was perfect silence in the room-"a little child. It is called: +'The Mother.'" + +The Veni burst forth in an unrestrained upbearing of confident petition: + +"Keep far our foes; give peace at home"--and the door closed behind +Nurse Rosemary. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII + +IN THE STUDIO + + +Jane mounted to the studio; unlocked the door, and, entering, closed it +after her. + +The evening sun shone through a western window, imparting an added +richness to the silk screens and hangings; the mauve wistaria of a +Japanese embroidery; or the golden dragon of China on a deep purple +ground, wound up in its own interminable tail, and showing rampant +claws in unexpected places. + +Several times already Jane had been into Garth's studio, but always to +fetch something for which he waited eagerly below; and she had never +felt free to linger. Margery had a duplicate key; for she herself went +up every day to open the windows, dust tenderly all special treasures; +and keep it exactly as its owner had liked it kept, when his quick eyes +could look around it. But this key was always on Margery's bunch; and +Jane did not like to ask admission, and risk a possible refusal. + +Now, however, she could take her own time; and she seated herself in +one of the low and very deep wicker lounge-chairs, comfortably +upholstered; so exactly fitting her proportions, and supporting arms, +knees, and head, just rightly, that it seemed as if all other chairs +would in future appear inadequate, owing to the absolute perfection of +this one. Ah, to be just that to her beloved! To so fully meet his +need, at every point, that her presence should be to him always a +source of strength, and rest, and consolation. + +She looked around the room. It was so like Garth; every detail perfect; +every shade of colour enhancing another, and being enhanced by it. The +arrangements for regulating the light, both from roof and windows; the +easels of all kinds and sizes; clean bareness, where space, and freedom +from dust, were required; the luxurious comfort round the fireplace, +and in nooks and corners; all were so perfect. And the plain brown +wall-paper, of that beautiful quiet shade which has in it no red, and +no yellow; a clear nut-brown. On an easel near the further window stood +an unfinished painting; palette and brushes beside it, just as Garth +had left them when he went out on that morning, nearly three months +ago; and, vaulting over a gate to protect a little animal from +unnecessary pain, was plunged himself into such utter loss and anguish. + +Jane rose, and took stock of all his quaint treasures on the +mantelpiece. Especially her mind was held and fascinated by a stout +little bear in brass, sitting solidly yet jauntily on its haunches, its +front paws clasping a brazen pole; its head turned sideways; its small, +beady, eyes, looking straight before it. The chain, from its neck to +the pole denoted captivity and possible fierceness. Jane had no doubt +its head would lift, and its body prove a receptacle for matches; but +she felt equally certain that, should she lift its head and look, no +matches would be within it. This little bear was unmistakably Early +Victorian; a friend of childhood's days; and would not be put to common +uses. She lifted the head. The body was empty. She replaced it gently +on the mantelpiece, and realised that she was deliberately postponing +an ordeal which must be faced. + +Deryck had told her of Garth's pictures of the One Woman. Garth, +himself, had now told her even more. But the time had come when she +must see them for herself. It was useless to postpone the moment. She +looked towards the yellow screen. + +Then she walked, over to the western window, and threw it wide open. +The sun was dipping gently towards the purple hills. The deep blue of +the sky began to pale, as a hint of lovely rose crept into it. Jane +looked heavenward and, thrusting her hands deeply into her pockets, +spoke aloud. "Before God" she said,--"in case I am never able to say or +think it again, I will say it now--I BELIEVE I WAS RIGHT. I considered +Garth's future happiness, and I considered my own. I decided as I did +for both our sakes, at terrible cost to present joy. But, before God, I +believed I was right; and--I BELIEVE IT STILL." + +Jane never said it again. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX + +JANE LOOKS INTO LOVE'S MIRROR + + +Behind the yellow screen, Jane found a great confusion of canvases, and +unmistakable evidence of the blind hands which had groped about in a +vain search, and then made fruitless endeavours to sort and rearrange. +Very tenderly, Jane picked up each canvas from the fallen heap; turning +it the right way up, and standing it with its face to the wall. +Beautiful work, was there; some of it finished; some, incomplete. One +or two faces she knew, looked out at her in their pictured loveliness. +But the canvases she sought were not there. + +She straightened herself, and looked around. In a further corner, +partly concealed by a Cairo screen, stood another pile. Jane went to +them. + +Almost immediately she found the two she wanted; larger than the rest, +and distinguishable at a glance by the soft black gown of the central +figure. + +Without giving them more than a passing look, she carried them over to +the western window, and placed them in a good light. Then she drew up +the chair in which she had been sitting; took the little brass bear in +her left hand, as a talisman to help her through what lay before her; +turned the second picture with its face to the easel; and sat down to +the quiet contemplation of the first. + +The noble figure of a woman, nobly painted, was the first impression +which leapt from eye to brain. Yes, nobility came first, in stately +pose, in uplifted brow, in breadth of dignity. Then--as you marked the +grandly massive figure, too well-proportioned to be cumbersome, but +large and full, and amply developed; the length of limb; the firmly +planted feet; the large capable hands,--you realised the second +impression conveyed by the picture, to be strength;--strength to do; +strength to be; strength to continue. Then you looked into the face. +And there you were confronted with a great surprise. The third thought +expressed by the picture was Love--love, of the highest, holiest, most +ideal, kind; yet, withal, of the most tenderly human order; and you +found it in that face. + +It was a large face, well proportioned to the figure. It had no +pretensions whatever to ordinary beauty. The features were good; there +was not an ugly line about them; and yet, each one just missed the +beautiful; and the general effect was of a good-looking plainness; +unadorned, unconcealed, and unashamed. But the longer you looked, the +more desirable grew the face; the less you noticed its negations; the +more you admired its honesty, its purity, its immense strength of +purpose; its noble simplicity. You took in all these outward details; +you looked away for a moment, to consider them; you looked back to +verify them; and then the miracle happened. Into the face had stolen +the "light that never was on sea or land." It shone from the quiet grey +eyes,--as, over the head of the man who knelt before her, they looked +out of the picture--with an expression of the sublime surrender of a +woman's whole soul to an emotion which, though it sways and masters +her, yet gives her the power to be more truly herself than ever before. +The startled joy in them; the marvel at a mystery not yet understood; +the passionate tenderness; and yet the almost divine compassion for the +unrestrained violence of feeling, which had flung the man to his knees, +and driven him to the haven of her breast; the yearning to soothe, and +give, and content;--all these were blended into a look of such +exquisite sweetness, that it brought tears to the eyes of the beholder. + +The woman was seated on a broad marble parapet. She looked straight +before her. Her knees came well forward, and the long curve of the +train of her black gown filled the foreground on the right. On the +left, slightly to one side of her, knelt a man, a tall slight figure in +evening dress, his arms thrown forward around her waist; his face +completely hidden in the soft lace at her bosom; only the back of his +sleek dark head, visible. And yet the whole figure denoted a passion of +tense emotion. She had gathered him to her with what you knew must have +been an exquisite gesture, combining the utter self-surrender of the +woman, with the tender throb of maternal solicitude; and now her hands +were clasped behind his head, holding him closely to her. Not a word +was being spoken. The hidden face was obviously silent; and her firm +lips above his dark head were folded in a line of calm self-control; +though about them hovered the dawning of a smile of bliss ineffable. + +A crimson rambler rose climbing some woodwork faintly indicated on the +left, and hanging in a glowing mass from the top left-hand corner, +supplied the only vivid colour in the picture. + +But, from taking in these minor details, the eye returned to that calm +tender face, alight with love; to those strong capable hands, now +learning for the first time to put forth the protective passion of a +woman's tenderness; and the mind whispered the only possible name for +that picture: The Wife. + +Jane gazed at it long, in silence. Had Garth's little bear been +anything less solid than Early Victorian brass; it must have bent and +broken under the strong pressure of those clenched hands. + +She could not doubt, for a moment, that she looked upon herself; but, +oh, merciful heavens! how unlike the reflected self of her own mirror! +Once or twice as she looked, her mind refused to work, and she simply +gazed blankly at the minor details of the picture. But then again, the +expression of the grey eyes drew her, recalling so vividly every +feeling she had experienced when that dear head had come so +unexpectedly to its resting-place upon her bosom. "It is true," she +whispered; and again: "Yes; it is true. I cannot deny it. It is as I +felt; it must be as I looked." + +And then, suddenly; she fell upon her knees before the picture. "Oh, my +God! Is that as I looked? And the next thing that happened was my boy +lifting his shining eyes and gazing at me in the moonlight. Is THIS +what he saw? Did I look SO? And did the woman who looked so; and who, +looking so, pressed his head down again upon her breast, refuse next +day to marry him, on the grounds of his youth, and her superiority?... +Oh, Garth, Garth! ... O God, help him to understand! ... help him +to forgive me!" + +In the work-room just below, Maggie the housemaid was singing as she +sewed. The sound floated through the open window, each syllable +distinct in the clear Scotch voice, and reached Jane where she knelt. +Her mind, stunned to blankness by its pain, took eager hold upon the +words of Maggie's hymn. And they were these. + + "O Love, that will not let me go, + I rest my weary soul in Thee; + I give Thee back the life I owe, + That in Thine ocean depths its flow + May richer, fuller be." + + "O Light, that followest all my way, + I yield my flick'ring torch to Thee; + My heart restores its borrowed ray, + That in Thy sunshine's blaze its day + May brighter, fairer be." + +Jane took the second picture, and placed it in front of the first. + +The same woman, seated as before; but the man was not there; and in her +arms, its tiny dark head pillowed against the fulness of her breast, +lay a little child. The woman did not look over that small head, but +bent above it, and gazed into the baby face. + +The crimson rambler had grown right across the picture, and formed a +glowing arch above mother and child. A majesty of tenderness was in the +large figure of the mother. The face, as regarded contour and features, +was no less plain; but again it was transfigured, by the mother-love +thereon depicted. You knew "The Wife" had more than fulfilled her +abundant promise. The wife was there in fullest realisation; and, added +to wifehood, the wonder of motherhood. All mysteries were explained; +all joys experienced; and the smile on her calm lips, bespoke ineffable +content. + +A rambler rose had burst above them, and fallen in a shower of crimson +petals upon mother and child. The baby-fingers clasped tightly the soft +lace at her bosom. A petal had fallen upon the tiny wrist. She had +lifted her hand to remove it; and, catching the baby-eyes, so dark and +shining, paused for a moment, and smiled. + +Jane, watching them, fell to desperate weeping. The "mere boy" had +understood her potential possibilities of motherhood far better than +she understood them herself. Having had one glimpse of her as "The +Wife," his mind had leaped on, and seen her as "The Mother." And again +she was forced to say: "It is true--yes; it is true." + +And then she recalled the old line of cruel reasoning: + +"It was not the sort of face one would have wanted to see always in +front of one at table." Was this the sort of face--this, as Garth had +painted it, after a supposed year of marriage? Would any man weary of +it, or wish to turn away his eyes? + +Jane took one more long look. Then she dropped the little bear, and +buried her face in her hands; while a hot blush crept up to the very +roots of her hair, and tingled to her finger-tips. + +Below, the fresh young voice was singing again. + + "O Joy, that seekest me through pain, + I cannot close my heart to Thee; + I trace the rainbow through the rain, + And feel the promise is not vain + That morn shall tearless be." + +After a while Jane whispered: "Oh, my darling, forgive me. I was +altogether wrong. I will confess; and, God helping me, I will explain; +and, oh, my darling, you will forgive me?" + +Once more she lifted her head and looked at the picture. A few stray +petals of the crimson rambler lay upon the ground; reminding her of +those crushed roses, which, falling from her breast, lay scattered on +the terrace at Shenstone, emblem of the joyous hopes and glory of love +which her decision of that night had laid in the dust of disillusion. +But crowning this picture, in rich clusters of abundant bloom, grew the +rambler rose. And through the open window came the final verse of +Maggie's hymn. + + "O Cross, that liftest up my head, + I dare not ask to fly from Thee; + I lay in dust life's glory dead, + And from the ground there blossoms red + Life that shall endless be." + +Jane went to the western window, and stood, with her arms stretched +above her, looking out upon the radiance of the sunset. The sky blazed +into gold and crimson at the horizon; gradually as the eye lifted, +paling to primrose, flecked with rosy clouds; and, overhead, deep +blue--fathomless, boundless, blue. + +Jane gazed at the golden battlements above the purple hills, and +repeated, half aloud: "And the city was of pure gold;--and had no need +of the sun, neither of the moon to shine in it: for the glory of God +did lighten it. And there shall be no more death; neither sorrow, nor +crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are +passed away." + +Ah, how much had passed away since she stood at that western window, +not an hour before. All life seemed readjusted; its outlook altered; +its perspective changed. Truly Garth had "gone behind his blindness." + +Jane raised her eyes to the blue; and a smile of unspeakable +anticipation parted her lips. "Life, that shall endless be," she +murmured. Then, turning, found the little bear, and restored him to his +place upon the mantelpiece; put back the chair; closed the western +window; and, picking up the two canvases, left the studio, and made her +way carefully downstairs. + + + + +CHAPTER XXX + +"THE LADY PORTRAYED" + + +"It has taken you long, Miss Gray. I nearly sent Simpson up, to find +out what had happened." + +"I am glad you did not do that, Mr. Dalmain. Simpson would have found +me weeping on the studio floor; and to ask his assistance under those +circumstances, would have been more humbling than inquiring after the +fly in the soup!" + +Garth turned quickly in his chair. The artist-ear had caught the tone +which meant comprehension of his work. + +"Weeping!" he said. "Why?" + +"Because," answered Nurse Rosemary, "I have been entranced. These +pictures are so exquisite. They stir one's deepest depths. And yet they +are so pathetic--ah, SO pathetic; because you have made a plain woman, +beautiful." + +Garth rose to his feet, and turned upon her a face which would have +blazed, had it not been sightless. + +"A WHAT?" he exclaimed. + +"A plain woman," repeated Nurse Rosemary, quietly. "Surely you realised +your model to be that. And therein lies the wonder of the pictures. You +have so beautified her by wifehood, and glorified her by motherhood, +that the longer one looks the more one forgets her plainness; seeing +her as loving and loved; lovable, and therefore lovely. It is a triumph +of art." + +Garth sat down, his hands clasped before him. + +"It is a triumph of truth," he said. "I painted what I saw." + +"You painted her soul," said Nurse Rosemary, "and it illuminated her +plain face." + +"I SAW her soul," said Garth, almost in a whisper; "and that vision was +so radiant that it illumined my dark life. The remembrance lightens my +darkness, even now." + +A very tender silence fell in the library. + +The twilight deepened. + +Then Nurse Rosemary spoke, very low. "Mr. Dalmain, I have a request to +make of you. I want to beg you not to destroy these pictures." + +Garth lifted his head. "I must destroy them, child," he said. "I cannot +risk their being seen by people who would recognise my--the--the lady +portrayed." + +"At all events, there is one person who must see them, before they are +destroyed." + +"And that is?" queried Garth. + +"The lady portrayed," said Nurse Rosemary, bravely. + +"How do you know she has not seen them?" + +"Has she?" inquired Nurse Rosemary. + +"No," said Garth, shortly; "and she never will." + +"She must." + +Something in the tone of quiet insistence struck Garth. + +"Why?" he asked; and listened with interest for the answer. + +"Because of all it would mean to a woman who knows herself plain, to +see herself thus beautified." + +Garth sat very still for a few moments. Then: "A woman +who--knows--herself--plain?" he repeated, with interrogative amazement +in his voice. + +"Yes," proceeded Nurse Rosemary, encouraged. "Do you suppose, for a +moment, that that lady's mirror has ever shown her a reflection in any +way approaching what you have made her in these pictures? When we stand +before our looking-glasses, Mr. Dalmain, scowling anxiously at hats and +bows, and partings, we usually look our very worst; and that lady, at +her very worst, would be of a most discouraging plainness." + +Garth sat perfectly silent. + +"Depend upon it," continued Nurse Rosemary, "she never sees herself as +'The Wife'--'The Mother.' Is she a wife?". + +Garth hesitated only the fraction of a second. "Yes," he said, very +quietly. + +Jane's hands flew to her breast. Her heart must be held down, or he +would hear it throbbing. + +Nurse Rosemary's voice had in it only a slight tremor, when she spoke +again. + +"Is she a mother?" + +"No," said Garth. "I painted what might have been." + +"If--?" + +"If it HAD been," replied Garth, curtly. + +Nurse Rosemary felt rebuked. "Dear Mr. Dalmain," she said, humbly; "I +realise how officious I must seem to you, with all these questions, and +suggestions. But you must blame the hold these wonderful paintings of +yours have taken on my mind. Oh, they are beautiful--beautiful!" + +"Ah," said Garth, the keen pleasure of the artist springing up once +more. "Miss Gray, I have somewhat forgotten them. Have you them here? +That is right. Put them up before you, and describe them to me. Let me +hear how they struck you, as pictures." Jane rose, and went to the +window. She threw it open; and as she breathed in the fresh air, +breathed out a passionate prayer that her nerve, her voice, her +self-control might not fail her, in this critical hour. She herself had +been convicted by Garth's pictures. Now she must convince Garth, by her +description of them. He must be made to believe in the love he had +depicted. + +Then Nurse Rosemary sat down; and, in the gentle, unemotional voice, +which was quite her own, described to the eager ears of the blind +artist, exactly what Jane had seen in the studio. + +It was perfectly done. It was mercilessly done. All the desperate, +hopeless, hunger for Jane, awoke in Garth; the maddening knowledge that +she had been his, and yet not his; that, had he pressed for her answer +that evening, it could not have been a refusal; that the cold +calculations of later hours, had no place in those moments of ecstasy. +Yet--he lost her--lost her! Why? Ah, why? Was there any possible reason +other than the one she gave? + +Nurse Rosemary's quiet voice went on, regardless of his writhings. But +she was drawing to a close. "And it is such a beautiful crimson +rambler, Mr. Dalmain," she said. "I like the idea of its being small +and in bud, in the first picture; and blooming in full glory, in the +second." + +Garth pulled himself together and smiled. He must not give way before +this girl. + +"Yes," he said; "I am glad you noticed that. And, look here. We will +not destroy them at once. Now they are found, there is no hurry. I am +afraid I am giving you a lot of trouble; but will you ask for some +large sheets of brown paper, and make a package, and write upon it: +'Not to be opened,' and tell Margery to put them back in the studio. +Then, when I want them, at any time, I shall have no difficulty in +identifying them." + +"I am so glad," said Nurse Rosemary. "Then perhaps the plain lady--" + +"I cannot have her spoken of so," said Garth, hotly. "I do not know +what she thought of herself--I doubt if she ever gave a thought to self +at all. I do not know what you would have thought of her. I can only +tell you that, to me, hers is the one face which is visible in my +darkness. All the loveliness I have painted, all the beauty I have +admired, fades from my mental vision, as wreaths of mist; flutters from +memory's sight, as autumn leaves. Her face alone abides; calm, holy, +tender, beautiful,--it is always before me. And it pains me that one +who has only seen her as MY hand depicted her should speak of her as +plain." + +"Forgive me," said Nurse Rosemary, humbly. "I did not mean to pain you, +sir. And, to show you what your pictures have done for me, may I tell +you a resolution I made in the studio? I cannot miss what they +depict--the sweetest joys of life--for want of the courage to confess +myself wrong; pocket my pride; and be frank and humble. I am going to +write a full confession to my young man, as to my share of the +misunderstanding which has parted us. Do you think he will understand? +Do you think he will forgive?" + +Garth smiled. He tried to call up an image of a pretty troubled face, +framed in a fluffy setting of soft fair hair. It harmonised so little +with the voice; but it undoubtedly was Nurse Rosemary Gray, as others +saw her. + +"He will be a brute if he doesn't, child," he said. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXI + +IN LIGHTER VEIN + + +Dinner that evening, the first at their small round table, was a great +success. Nurse Rosemary's plans all worked well; and Garth delighted in +arrangements which made him feel less helpless. + +The strain of the afternoon brought its reaction of merriment. A little +judicious questioning drew forth further stories of the duchess and her +pets; and Miss Champion's name came in with a frequency which they both +enjoyed. + +It was a curious experience for Jane, to hear herself described in +Garth's vivid word-painting. Until that fatal evening at Shenstone, she +had been remarkably free from self-consciousness; and she had no idea +that she had a way of looking straight into people's eyes when she +talked to them, and that that was what muddled up "the silly little +minds of women who say they are afraid of her, and that she makes them +nervous! You see she looks right into their shallow shuffling little +souls, full of conceited thoughts about themselves, and nasty +ill-natured thoughts about her; and no wonder they grow panic-stricken, +and flee; and talk of her as 'that formidable Miss Champion.' I never +found her formidable; but, when I had the chance of a real talk with +her, I used to be thankful I had nothing of which to be ashamed. Those +clear eyes touched bottom every time, as our kindred over the water so +expressively put it." + +Neither had Jane any idea that she always talked with a poker, if +possible; building up the fire while she built up her own argument; or +attacking it vigorously, while she demolished her opponent's; that she +stirred the fire with her toe, but her very smart boots never seemed +any the worse; that when pondering a difficult problem, she usually +stood holding her chin in her right hand, until she had found the +solution. All these small characteristics Garth described with vivid +touch, and dwelt upon with a tenacity of remembrance, which astonished +Jane, and revealed him, in his relation to herself three years before, +in a new light. + +His love for her had been so suddenly disclosed, and had at once had to +be considered as a thing to be either accepted or put away; so that +when she decided to put it away, it seemed not to have had time to +become in any sense part of her life. She had viewed it; realised all +it might have meant; and put it from her. + +But now she understood how different it had been for Garth. During the +week which preceded his declaration, he had realised, to the full, the +meaning of their growing intimacy; and, as his certainty increased, he +had more and more woven her into his life; his vivid imagination +causing her to appear as his beloved from the first; loved and wanted, +when as yet they were merely acquaintances; kindred spirits; friends. + +To find herself thus shrined in his heart and memory was infinitely +touching to Jane; and seemed to promise, with sweet certainty, that it +would not be difficult to come home there to abide, when once all +barriers between them were removed. + +After dinner, Garth sat long at the piano, filling the room with +harmony. Once or twice the theme of The Rosary crept in, and Jane +listened anxiously for its development; but almost immediately it gave +way to something else. It seemed rather to haunt the other melodies, +than to be actually there itself. + +When Garth left the piano, and, guided by the purple cord, reached his +chair, Nurse Rosemary said gently "Mr. Dalmain, can you spare me for a +few days at the end of this week?" + +"Oh, why?" said Garth. "To go where? And for how long? Ah, I know I +ought to say: 'Certainly! Delighted!' after all your goodness to me. +But I really cannot! You don't know what life was without you, when you +week-ended! That week-end seemed months, even though Brand was here. It +is your own fault for making yourself so indispensable." + +Nurse Rosemary smiled. "I daresay I shall not be away for long," she +said. "That is, if you want me, I can return. But, Mr. Dalmain, I +intend to-night to write that letter of which I told you. I shall post +it to-morrow. I must follow it up almost immediately. I must be with +him when he receives it, or soon afterwards. I think--I hope--he will +want me at once. This is Monday. May I go on Thursday?" + +Poor Garth looked blankly dismayed. + +"Do nurses, as a rule, leave their patients, and rush off to their +young men in order to find out how they have liked their letters?" he +inquired, in mock protest. + +"Not as a rule, sir," replied Nurse Rosemary, demurely. "But this is an +exceptional case." + +"I shall wire to Brand." + +"He will send you a more efficient and more dependable person." + +"Oh you wicked little thing!" cried Garth. "If Miss Champion were here, +she would shake you! You, know perfectly well that nobody could fill +your place!" + +"It is good of you to say so, sir," replied Nurse Rosemary, meekly. +"And is Miss Champion much addicted to shaking people?" + + + +"Don't call me 'sir'! Yes; when people are tiresome she often says she +would like to shake them; and one has a mental vision of how their +teeth would chatter. There is a certain little lady of our acquaintance +whom we always call 'Mrs. Do-and-don't.' She isn't in our set; but she +calls upon it; and sometimes it asks her to lunch, for fun. If you +inquire whether she likes a thing, she says: 'Well, I do, and I don't.' +If you ask whether she is going to a certain function, she says: 'Well, +I am, and I'm not.' And if you send her a note, imploring a straight +answer to a direct question, the answer comes back: 'Yes AND no.' Miss +Champion used to say she would like to take her up by the scruff of her +feather boa, and shake her, asking at intervals: 'Shall I stop?' so as +to wring from Mrs. Do-and-don't a definite affirmative, for once." + +"Could Miss Champion carry out such a threat? Is she a very massive +person?" + +"Well, she could, you know; but she wouldn't. She is most awfully kind, +even to little freaks she laughs at. No, she isn't massive. That word +does not describe her at all. But she is large, and very finely +developed. Do you know the Venus of Milo? Yes; in the Louvre. I am glad +you know Paris. Well, just imagine the Venus of Milo in a tailor-made +coat and skirt,--and you have Miss Champion." + +Nurse Rosemary laughed, hysterically. Either the Venus of Milo, or Miss +Champion, or this combination of both, proved too much for her. + +"Little Dicky Brand summed up Mrs. Do-and-don't rather well," pursued +Garth. "She was calling at Wimpole Street, on Lady Brand's 'at home' +day. And Dicky stood talking to me, in his black velvets and white +waistcoat, a miniature edition of Sir Deryck. He indicated Mrs. +Do-and-don't on a distant lounge, and remarked: 'THAT lady never KNOWS; +she always THINKS. I asked her if her little girl might come to my +party, and she said: "I think so." Now if she had asked ME if I was +coming to HER party, I should have said: "Thank you; I am." It is very +trying when people only THINK about important things, such as little +girls and parties; because their thinking never amounts to much. It +does not so much matter what they think about other things--the +weather, for instance; because that all happens, whether they think or +not. Mummie asked that lady whether it was raining when she got here; +and she said: "I THINK not." I can't imagine why Mummie always wants to +know what her friends think about the weather. I have heard her ask +seven ladies this afternoon whether it is raining. Now if father or I +wanted to know whether it was raining we should just step over to the +window, and look out; and then come back and go do with really +interesting conversation. But Mummie asks them whether it is raining, +or whether they think it has been raining, or is going to rain; and +when they have told her, she hurries away and asks somebody else. I +asked the thinking lady in the feather thing, whether she knew who the +father and mother were, of the young lady whom Cain married; and she +said: "Well, I do; and I don't." I said: "If you DO, perhaps you will +tell me. And if you DON'T, perhaps you would like to take my hand, and +we will walk over together and ask the Bishop--the one with the thin +legs, and the gold cross, talking to Mummie." But she thought she had +to go, quite in a hurry. So I saw her off; and then asked the Bishop +alone. Bishops are most satisfactory kind of people; because they are +quite sure about everything; and you feel safe in quoting them to +Nurse. Nurse told Marsdon that this one is in "sheep's clothing," +because he wears a gold cross. I saw the cross; but I saw no sheep's +clothing. I was looking out for the kind of woolly thing our new curate +wears on his back in church. Should you call that "sheep's clothing"? I +asked father, and he said: "No. Bunny-skin." And mother seemed as +shocked as if father and I had spoken in church, instead of just as we +came out. And she said: "It is a B.A. hood." Possibly she thinks "baa" +is spelled with only one "a." Anyway father and I felt it best to let +the subject drop.'" + +Nurse Rosemary laughed. "How exactly like Dicky," she said. "I could +hear his grave little voice, and almost see him pull down his small +waistcoat!" + +"Why, do you know the little chap?" asked Garth. + +"Yes," replied Nurse Rosemary; "I have stayed with them. Talking to +Dicky is an education; and Baby Blossom is a sweet romp. Here comes +Simpson. How quickly the evening has flown. Then may I be off on +Thursday?" + +"I am helpless," said Garth. "I cannot say 'no.' But suppose you do not +come back?" + +"Then you can wire to Dr. Brand." + +"I believe you want to leave me," said Garth reproachfully. + +"I do, and I don't!" laughed Nurse Rosemary; and fled from his +outstretched hands. + + * * * * * + +When Jane had locked the letter-bag earlier that evening, and handed it +to Simpson, she had slipped in two letters of her own. One was +addressed to + + Georgina, Duchess of Meldrum + + Portland Place + +The other, to + + Sir Deryck Brand + + Wimpole Street + +Both were marked: Urgent. If absent, forward immediately. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXII + +AN INTERLUDE + + +Tuesday passed uneventfully, to all outward seeming. + +There was nothing to indicate to Garth that his secretary had sat up +writing most of the night; only varying that employment by spending +long moments in silent contemplation of his pictures, which had found a +temporary place of safety, on their way back to the studio, in a deep +cupboard in her room, of which she had the key. + +If Nurse Rosemary marked, with a pang of tender compunction, the worn +look on Garth's face, telling how mental suffering had chased away +sleep; she made no comment thereupon. + +Thus Tuesday passed, in uneventful monotony. + +Two telegrams had arrived for Nurse Gray in the course of the morning. +The first came while she was reading a Times leader aloud to Garth. +Simpson brought it in, saying: "A telegram for you, miss." + +It was always a source of gratification to Simpson afterwards, that, +almost from the first, he had been led, by what he called his "unHaided +HintuHition," to drop the "nurse," and address Jane with the +conventional "miss." In time he almost convinced himself that he had +also discerned in her "a Honourable"; but this, Margery Graem firmly +refused to allow. She herself had had her "doots," and kept them to +herself; but all Mr. Simpson's surmisings had been freely expressed and +reiterated in the housekeeper's room; and never a word about any +honourable lead passed Mr. Simpson's lips. Therefore Mrs. Graem berated +him for being so ready to "go astray and speak lies." But Maggie, the +housemaid, had always felt sure Mr. Simpson knew more than he said. +"Said more than he knew, you mean," prompted old Margery. "No," +retorted Maggie, "I know what I said; and I said what I meant." "You +may have said what you meant, but you did not mean what you knew," +insisted Margery; "and if anybody says another word on the matter, _I_ +shall say grace and dismiss the table," continued old Margery, +exercising the cloture, by virtue of her authority, in a way which +Simpson and Maggie, who both wished for cheese, afterwards described as +"mean." + +But this was long after the uneventful Tuesday, when Simpson entered, +with a salver; and, finding Jane enveloped in the Times, said: "A +telegram for you, miss." + +Nurse Rosemary took it; apologised for the interruption, and opened it. +It was from the duchess, and ran thus: + +MOST INCONVENIENT, AS YOU VERY WELL KNOW; BUT AM LEAVING EUSTON +TO-NIGHT. WILL AWAIT FURTHER ORDERS AT ABERDEEN. + +Nurse Rosemary smiled, and put the telegram into her pocket. "No +answer, thank you, Simpson." + +"Not bad news, I hope?" asked Garth. + +"No," replied Nurse Rosemary; "but it makes my departure on Thursday +imperative. It is from an old aunt of mine, who is going to my 'young +man's' home. I must be with him before she is, or there will be endless +complications." + +"I don't believe he will ever let you go again, when once he gets you +back," remarked Garth, moodily. + +"You think not?" said Nurse Rosemary, with a tender little smile, as +she took up the paper, and resumed her reading. + +The second telegram arrived after luncheon. Garth was at the piano, +thundering Beethoven's Funeral March on the Death of a Hero. The room +was being rent asunder by mighty chords; and Simpson's smug face and +side-whiskers appearing noiselessly in the doorway, were an +insupportable anticlimax. Nurse Rosemary laid her finger on her lips; +advanced with her firm noiseless tread, and took the telegram. She +returned to her seat and waited until the hero's obsequies were over, +and the last roll of the drums had died away. Then she opened the +orange envelope. And as she opened it, a strange thing happened. Garth +began to play The Rosary. The string of pearls dropped in liquid sound +from his fingers; and Nurse Rosemary read her telegram. It was from the +doctor, and said: SPECIAL LICENSE EASILY OBTAINED. FLOWER AND I WILL +COME WHENEVER YOU WISH. WIRE AGAIN. + +The Rosary drew to a soft melancholy close. + +"What shall I play next?" asked Garth, suddenly. + +"Veni, Creator Spiritus," said Nurse Rosemary; and bowed her head in +prayer. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIII + +"SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN!" + + +Wednesday dawned; an ideal First of May: Garth was in the garden before +breakfast. Jane heard him singing, as he passed beneath her window. + +"It is not mine to sing the stately grace, The great soul beaming in my +lady's face." + +She leaned out. + +He was walking below in the freshest of white flannels; his step so +light and elastic; his every movement so lithe and graceful; the only +sign of his blindness the Malacca cane he held in his hand, with which +he occasionally touched the grass border, or the wall of the house. She +could only see the top of his dark head. It might have been on the +terrace at Shenstone, three years before. She longed to call from the +window; "Darling--my Darling! Good morning! God bless you to-day." + +Ah what would to-day bring forth;--the day when her full confession, +and explanation, and plea for pardon, would reach him? He was such a +boy in many ways; so light-hearted, loving, artistic, poetic, +irrepressible; ever young, in spite of his great affliction. But where +his manhood was concerned; his love; his right of choice and of +decision; of maintaining a fairly-formed opinion, and setting aside the +less competent judgment of others; she knew him rigid, inflexible. His +very pain seemed to cool him, from the molten lover, to the bar of +steel. + +As Jane knelt at her window that morning, she had not the least idea +whether the evening would find her travelling to Aberdeen, to take the +night mail south; or at home forever in the heaven of Garth's love. + +And down below he passed again, still singing: + + "But mine it is to follow in her train; + Do her behests in pleasure or in pain; + Burn at her altar love's sweet frankincense, + And worship her in distant reverence." + +"Ah, beloved!" whispered Jane, "not 'distant.' If you want her, and +call her, it will be to the closest closeness love can devise. No more +distance between you and me." + +And then, in the curious way in which inspired words will sometimes +occur to the mind quite apart from their inspired context, and bearing +a totally different meaning from that which they primarily bear, these +words came to Jane: "For He is our peace, Who hath made both one, and +hath broken down the middle wall of partition between us ... that He +might reconcile both ... by the cross." "Ah, dear Christ!" she +whispered. "If Thy cross could do this for Jew and Gentile, may not my +boy's heavy cross, so bravely borne, do it for him and for me? So shall +we come at last, indeed, to 'kiss the cross.'" + +The breakfast gong boomed through the house. Simpson loved gongs. He +considered them "Haristocratic." He always gave full measure. + +Nurse Rosemary went down to breakfast. + +Garth came in, through the French window, humming "The thousand +beauties that I know so well." He was in his gayest, most inconsequent +mood. He had picked a golden rosebud in the conservatory and wore it in +his buttonhole. He carried a yellow rose in his hand. + +"Good day, Miss Rosemary," he said. "What a May Day! Simpson and I were +up with the lark; weren't we, Simpson? Poor Simpson felt like a sort of +'Queen of the May,' when my electric bell trilled in his room, at 5 +A.M. But I couldn't stay in bed. I woke with my +something-is-going-to-happen feeling; and when I was a little chap and +woke with that, Margery used to say: 'Get up quickly then, Master +Garth, and it will happen all the sooner.' You ask her if she didn't, +Simpson. Miss Gray, did you ever learn: 'If you're waking call me +early, call me early, mother dear'? I always hated that young woman! I +should think, in her excited state, she would have been waking long +before her poor mother, who must have been worn to a perfect rag, +making all the hussy's May Queen-clothes, overnight." + +Simpson had waited to guide him to his place at the table. Then he +removed the covers, and left the room. + +As soon as he had closed the door behind him, Garth leaned forward, and +with unerring accuracy laid the opening rose upon Nurse Rosemary's +plate. + +"Roses for Rosemary," he said. "Wear it, if you are sure the young man +would not object. I have been thinking about him and the aunt. I wish +you could ask them both here, instead of going away on Thursday. We +would have the 'maddest, merriest time!' I would play with the aunt, +while you had it out with the young man. And I could easily keep the +aunt away from nooks and corners, because my hearing is sharper than +any aunt's eyes could be, and if you gave a gentle cough, I would +promptly clutch hold of auntie, and insist upon being guided in the +opposite direction. And I would take her out in the motor; and you and +the young man could have the gig. And then when all was satisfactorily +settled, we could pack them off home, and be by ourselves again. Ah, +Miss Gray, do send for them, instead of leaving me on Thursday." + +"Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, reprovingly, as she leaned forward +and touched his right hand with the rim of his saucer, "this May-Day +morning has gone to your head. I shall send for Margery. She may have +known the symptoms, of old." + +"It is not that," said Garth. He leaned forward and spoke +confidentially. "Something is going to happen to-day, little Rosemary. +Whenever I feel like this, something happens. The first time it +occurred, about twenty-five years ago, there was a rocking-horse in the +hall, when I ran downstairs! I have never forgotten my first ride on +that rocking-horse. The fearful joy when he went backward; the awful +plunge when he went forward; and the proud moment when it was possible +to cease clinging to the leather pommel. I nearly killed the cousin who +pulled out his tail. I thrashed him, then and there, WITH the tail; +which was such a silly thing to do; because, though it damaged the +cousin, it also spoiled the tail. The next time--ah, but I am boring +you!" + +"Not at all," said Nurse Rosemary, politely; "but I want you to have +some breakfast; and the letters will be here in a few minutes." + +He looked so brown and radiant, this dear delightful boy, with his +gold-brown tie, and yellow rose. She was conscious of her pallor, and +oppressive earnestness, as she said: "The letters will be here." + +"Oh, bother the letters!" cried Garth. "Let's have a holiday from +letters on May Day! You shall be Queen of the May; and Margery shall be +the old mother. I will be Robin, with the breaking heart, leaning on +the bridge beneath the hazel tree; and Simpson can be the 'bolder lad.' +And we will all go and 'gather knots of flowers, and buds, and garlands +gay.'" + +"Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, laughing, in spite of herself, "you +really must be sensible, or I shall go and consult Margery. I have +never seen you in such a mood." + +"You have never seen me, on a day when something was going to happen," +said Garth; and Nurse Rosemary made no further attempt to repress him. + +After breakfast, he went to the piano, and played two-steps, and +rag-time music, so infectiously, that Simpson literally tripped as he +cleared the table; and Nurse Rosemary, sitting pale and preoccupied, +with a pile of letters before her, had hard work to keep her feet still. + +Simpson had two-stepped to the door with the cloth, and closed it after +him. Nurse Rosemary's remarks about the post-bag, and the letters, had +remained unanswered. "Shine little glowworm glimmer" was pealing gaily +through the room, like silver bells,--when the door opened, and old +Margery appeared, in a black satin apron, and a blue print sunbonnet. +She came straight to the piano, and laid her hand gently on Garth's arm. + +"Master Garthie," she said, "on this lovely May morning, will you take +old Margery up into the woods?" + +Garth's hands dropped from the keys. "Of course I will, Margie," he +said. "And, I say Margie, SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN." + +"I know it, laddie," said the old woman, tenderly; and the expression +with which she looked into the blind face filled Jane's eyes with +tears. "I woke with it too, Master Garthie; and now we will go into the +woods, and listen to the earth, and trees, and flowers, and they will +tell us whether it is for joy, or for sorrow. Come, my own laddie." + +Garth rose, as in a dream. Even in his blindness he looked so young, +and so beautiful, that Jane's watching heart stood still. + +At the window he paused. "Where is that secretary person?" he said, +vaguely. "She kept trying to shut me up." + +"I know she did, laddie," said old Margery, curtseying apologetically +towards Jane. "You see she does not know the +'something-is-going-to-happen-to-day' awakening." + +"Ah, doesn't she?" thought Jane, as they disappeared through the +window. "But as my Garth has gone off his dear head, and been taken +away by his nurse, the thing that is going to happen, can't happen just +yet." And Jane sat down to the piano, and very softly ran through the +accompaniment of The Rosary. Then,--after shading her eyes on the +terrace, and making sure that a tall white figure leaning on a short +dark one, had almost reached the top of the hill,--still more softly, +she sang it. + +Afterwards she went for a tramp on the moors, and steadied her nerve by +the rapid swing of her walk, and the deep inbreathing of that glorious +air. Once or twice she took a telegram from her pocket, stood still and +read it; then tramped on, to the wonder of the words: "Special license +easily obtained." Ah, the license might be easy to obtain; but how +about his forgiveness? That must be obtained first. If there were only +this darling boy to deal with, in his white flannels and yellow roses, +with a May-Day madness in his veins, the license might come at once; +and all he could wish should happen without delay. But this is a +passing phase of Garth. What she has to deal with is the white-faced +man, who calmly said: "I accept the cross," and walked down the village +church leaving her--for all these years. Loving her, as he loved her; +and yet leaving her,--without word or sign, for three long years. To +hire, was the confession; his would be the decision; and, somehow, it +did not surprise her, when she came down to luncheon, a little late, to +find HIM seated at the table. + +"Miss Gray," he said gravely, as he heard her enter, "I must apologise +for my behaviour this morning. I was what they call up here 'fey.' +Margery understands the mood; and together she and I have listened to +kind Mother Earth, laying our hands on her sympathetic softness, and +she has told us her secrets. Then I lay down under the fir trees and +slept; and awakened calm and sane, and ready for what to-day must +bring. For it WILL bring something. That is no delusion. It is a day of +great things. That much, Margery knows, too." + +"Perhaps," suggested Nurse Rosemary, tentatively, "there may be news of +interest in your letters." + +"Ah," said Garth, "I forgot. We have not even opened this morning's +letters. Let us take time for them immediately after lunch. Are there +many?" + +"Quite a pile," said Nurse Rosemary. + +"Good. We will work soberly through them." + +Half an hour later Garth was seated in his chair, calm and expectant; +his face turned towards his secretary. He had handled his letters, and +amongst them he had found one sealed; and the seal was a plumed helmet, +with visor closed. Nurse Rosemary saw him pale, as his fingers touched +it. He made no remark; but, as before, slipped it beneath the rest, +that it might come up for reading, last of all. + +When the others were finished, and Nurse Rosemary took up this letter, +the room was very still. They were quite alone. Bees hummed in the +garden. The scent of flowers stole in at the window. But no one +disturbed their solitude. + +Nurse Rosemary took up the envelope. + +"Mr. Dalmain, here is a letter, sealed with scarlet wax. The seal is a +helmet with visor--" + +"I know," said Garth. "You need not describe it further. Kindly open +it." + +Nurse Rosemary opened it. "It is a very long letter, Mr. Dalmain." + +"Indeed? Will you please read it to me, Miss Gray." + +A tense moment of silence followed. Nurse Rosemary lifted the letter; +but her voice suddenly refused to respond to her will. Garth waited +without further word. + +Then Nurse Rosemary said: "Indeed, sir, it seems a most private letter. +I find it difficult to read it to you." + +Garth heard the distress in her voice, and turned to her kindly. + +"Never mind, my dear child. It in no way concerns you. It is a private +letter to me; but my only means of hearing it is through your eyes, and +from your lips. Besides, the lady, whose seal is a plumed helmet, can +have nothing of a very private nature to say to me." + +"Ah, but she has," said Nurse Rosemary, brokenly. + +Garth considered this in silence. + +Then: "Turn over the page," he said, "and tell me the signature." + +"There are many pages," said Nurse Rosemary. + +"Turn over the pages then," said Garth, sternly. "Do not keep me +waiting. How is that letter signed?" + +"YOUR WIFE," whispered Nurse Rosemary. + +There was a petrifying quality about the silence which followed. It +seemed as if those two words, whispered into Garth's darkness, had +turned him to stone. + +At last he stretched out his hand. "Will you give me that letter, if +you please, Miss Gray? Thank you. I wish to be alone for a quarter of +an hour. I shall be glad if you will be good enough to sit in the +dining-room, and stop any one from coming into this room. I must be +undisturbed. At the end of that time kindly return." + +He spoke so quietly that Jane's heart sank within her. Some display of +agitation would have been reassuring. This was the man who, bowing his +dark head towards the crucifixion window, said: "I accept the cross." +This was the man, whose footsteps never once faltered as he strode down +the aisle, and left her. This was the man, who had had the strength, +ever since, to treat that episode between her and himself, as +completely closed; no word of entreaty; no sign of remembrance; no hint +of reproach. And this was the man to whom she had signed herself: "Your +wife." + +In her whole life, Jane had never known fear. She knew it now. + +As she silently rose and left him, she stole one look at his face. He +was sitting perfectly still; the letter in his hand. He had not turned +his head toward her as he took it. His profile might have been a +beautiful carving in white ivory. There was not the faintest tinge of +colour in his face; just that ivory pallor, against the ebony lines of +his straight brows, and smooth dark hair. + +Jane softly left the room, closing the door behind her. + +Then followed the longest fifteen minutes she had ever known. She +realised what a tremendous conflict was in progress in that quiet room. +Garth was arriving at his decision without having heard any of her +arguments. By the strange fatality of his own insistence, he had heard +only two words of her letter, and those the crucial words; the two +words to which the whole letter carefully led up. They must have +revealed to him instantly, what the character of the letter would be; +and what was the attitude of mind towards himself, of the woman who +wrote them. + +Jane paced the dining-room in desperation, remembering the hours of +thought which had gone to the compiling of sentences, cautiously +preparing his mind to the revelation of the signature. + +Suddenly, in the midst of her mental perturbation, there came to her +the remembrance of a conversation between Nurse Rosemary and Garth over +the pictures. The former had said: "Is she a wife?" And Garth had +answered: "Yes." Jane had instantly understood what that answer +revealed and implied. Because Garth had so felt her his during those +wonderful moments on the terrace at Shenstone, that he could look up +into her face and say, "My wife"--not as an interrogation, but as an +absolute statement of fact,--he still held her this, as indissolubly as +if priest, and book, and ring, had gone to the wedding of their union. +To him, the union of souls came before all else; and if that had taken +place, all that might follow was but the outward indorsement of an +accomplished fact. Owing to her fear, mistrust, and deception, nothing +had followed. Their lives had been sundered; they had gone different +ways. He regarded himself as being no more to her than any other man of +her acquaintance. During these years he had believed, that her part in +that evening's wedding of souls had existed in his imagination, only; +and had no binding effect upon her. But his remained. Because those +words were true to him then, he had said them; and, because he had said +them, he would consider her his wife, through life,--and after. It was +the intuitive understanding of this, which had emboldened Jane so to +sign her letter. But how would he reconcile that signature with the +view of her conduct which he had all along taken, without ever having +the slightest conception that there could be any other? + +Then Jane remembered, with comfort, the irresistible appeal made by +Truth to the soul of the artist; truth of line; truth of colour; truth +of values; and, in the realm of sound, truth of tone, of harmony, of +rendering, of conception. And when Nurse Rosemary had said of his +painting of "The Wife": "It is a triumph of art"; Garth had replied: +"It is a triumph of truth." And Jane's own verdict on the look he had +seen and depicted was: "It is true--yes, it is true!" Will he not +realise now the truth of that signature; and, if he realises it, will +he not be glad in his loneliness, that his wife should come to him; +unless the confessions and admissions of the letter cause him to put +her away as wholly unworthy? + +Suddenly Jane understood the immense advantage of the fact that he +would hear every word of the rest of her letter, knowing the +conclusion, which she herself could not possibly have put first. She +saw a Higher Hand in this arrangement; and said, as she watched the +minutes slowly pass: "He hath broken down the middle wall of partition +between us"; and a sense of calm assurance descended, and garrisoned +her soul with peace. + +The quarter of an hour was over. + +Jane crossed the hall with firm, though noiseless, step; stood a moment +on the threshold relegating herself completely to the background; then +opened the door; and Nurse Rosemary re-entered the library. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIV + +"LOVE NEVER FAILETH" + + +Garth was standing at the open window, when Nurse Rosemary re-entered +the library; and he did not turn, immediately. + +She looked anxiously for the letter, and saw it laid ready on her side +of the table. It bore signs of having been much crumpled; looking +almost as a letter might appear which had been crushed into a ball, +flung into the waste-paper basket, and afterwards retrieved. It had, +however, been carefully smoothed out; and lay ready to her hand. + +When Garth turned from the window and passed to his chair, his face +bore the signs of a great struggle. He looked as one who, sightless, +has yet been making frantic efforts to see. The ivory pallor was gone. +His face was flushed; and his thick hair, which grew in beautiful +curves low upon his forehead and temples, and was usually carefully +brushed back in short-cropped neatness, was now ruffled and disordered. +But his voice was completely under control, as he turned towards his +secretary. + +"My dear Miss Gray," he said, "we have a difficult task before us. I +have received a letter, which it is essential I should hear. I am +obliged to ask you to read it to me, because there is absolutely no one +else to whom I can prefer such a request. I cannot but know that it +will be a difficult and painful task for you, feeling yourself an +intermediary between two wounded and sundered hearts. May I make it +easier, my dear little girl, by assuring you that I know of no one in +this world from whose lips I could listen to the contents of that +letter with less pain; and, failing my own, there are no eyes beneath +which I could less grudgingly let it pass, there is no mind I could so +unquestioningly trust, to judge kindly, both of myself and of the +writer; and to forget faithfully, all which was not intended to come +within the knowledge of a third person." + +"Thank you, Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary. + +Garth leaned back in his chair, shielding his face with his hand. + +"Now, if you please," he said. And, very clearly and quietly, Nurse +Rosemary began to read. + +"DEAR GARTH, As you will not let me come to you, so that I could say, +between you and me alone, that which must be said, I am compelled to +write it. It is your own fault, Dal; and we both pay the penalty. For +how can I write to you freely when I know, that as you listen, it will +seem to you of every word I am writing, that I am dragging a third +person into that which ought to be, most sacredly, between you and me +alone. And yet, I must write freely; and I must make you fully +understand; because the whole of your future life and mine will depend +upon your reply to this letter. I must write as if you were able to +hold the letter in your own hands, and read it to yourself. Therefore, +if you cannot completely trust your secretary, with the private history +of your heart and mine, bid her give it you back without turning this +first page; and let me come myself, Garth, and tell you all the rest." + +"That is the bottom of the page," said Nurse Rosemary; and waited. + +Garth did not remove his hand. "I do completely trust; and she must not +come," he said. + +Nurse Rosemary turned the page, and went on reading. + +"I want you to remember, Garth, that every word I write, is the simple +unvarnished truth. If you look back over your remembrance of me, you +will admit that I am not naturally an untruthful person, nor did I ever +take easily to prevarication. But, Garth, I told you one lie; and that +fatal exception proves the rule of perfect truthfulness, which has +always otherwise held, between you and me; and, please God, always will +hold. The confession herein contained, concerns that one lie; and I +need not ask you to realise how humbling it is to my pride to have to +force the hearing of a confession upon the man who has already refused +to admit me to a visit of friendship. You will remember that I am not +naturally humble; and have a considerable amount of proper pride; and, +perhaps, by the greatness of the effort I have had to make, you will be +able to gauge the greatness of my love. God help you to do so--my +darling; my beloved; my poor desolate boy!" + +Nurse Rosemary stopped abruptly; for, at this sudden mention of love, +and at these words of unexpected tenderness from Jane, Garth had risen +to his feet, and taken two steps towards the window; as if to escape +from something too immense to be faced. But, in a moment he recovered +himself, and sat down again, completely hiding his face with his hand. + +Nurse Rosemary resumed the reading of the letter. + +"Ah, what a wrong I have done, both to you, and to myself! Dear, you +remember the evening on the terrace at Shenstone, when you asked me to +be--when you called me--when I WAS--YOUR WIFE? Garth, I leave this last +sentence as it stands, with its two attempts to reach the truth. I will +not cross them out, but leave them to be read to you; for, you see +Garth, I finally arrived! I WAS your wife. I did not understand it +then. I was intensely surprised; unbelievably inexperienced in matters +of feeling; and bewildered by the flood of sensation which swept me off +my feet and almost engulfed me. But even then I knew that my soul arose +and proclaimed you mate and master. And when you held me, and your dear +head lay upon my heart, I knew, for the first time the meaning of the +word ecstasy; and I could have asked no kinder gift of heaven, than to +prolong those moments into hours." + +Nurse Rosemary's quiet voice broke, suddenly; and the reading ceased. + +Garth was leaning forward, his head buried in his hands. A dry sob rose +in his throat, just at the very moment when Nurse Rosemary's voice gave +way. + +Garth recovered first. Without lifting his head, with a gesture of +protective affection and sympathy, he stretched his hand across the +table. + +"Poor little girl," he said, "I am so sorry. It is rough on you. If +only it had come when Brand was here! I am afraid you MUST go on; but +try to read without realising. Leave the realising to me." + +And Nurse Rosemary read on. + +"When you lifted your head in the moonlight and gazed long and +earnestly at me--Ah, those dear eyes!--your look suddenly made me +self-conscious. There swept over me a sense of my own exceeding +plainness, and of how little there was in what those dear eyes saw, to +provide reason, for that adoring look. Overwhelmed with a shy shame I +pressed your head back to the place where the eyes would be hidden; and +I realise now what a different construction you must have put upon that +action. Garth, I assure you, that when you lifted your head the second +time, and said, 'My wife,' it was the first suggestion to my mind that +this wonderful thing which was happening meant--marriage. I know it +must seem almost incredible, and more like a child of eighteen, than a +woman of thirty. But you must remember, all my dealings with men up to +that hour had been handshakes, heartiest comradeship, and an occasional +clap on the shoulder given and received. And don't forget, dear King of +my heart, that, until one short week before, you had been amongst the +boys who called me 'good old Jane,' and addressed me in intimate +conversation as 'my dear fellow'! Don't forget that I had always looked +upon you as YEARS younger than myself; and though a strangely sweet tie +had grown up between us, since the evening of the concert at Overdene, +I had never realised it as love. Well--you will remember how I asked +for twelve hours to consider my answer; and you yielded, immediately; +(you were so perfect, all the time, Garth) and left me, when I asked to +be alone; left me, with a gesture I have never forgotten. It was a +revelation of the way in which the love of a man such as you exalts the +woman upon whom it is outpoured. The hem of that gown has been a sacred +thing to me, ever since. It is always with me, though I never wear +it.--A detailed account of the hours which followed, I shall hope to +give you some day, my dearest. I cannot write it. Let me hurl on to +paper, in all its crude ugliness, the miserable fact which parted us; +turning our dawning joy to disillusion and sadness. Garth--it was this. +I did not believe your love would stand the test of my plainness. I +knew what a worshipper of beauty you were; how you must have it, in one +form or another, always around you. I got out my diary in which I had +recorded verbatim our conversation about the ugly preacher, whose face +became illumined into beauty, by the inspired glory within. And you +added that you never thought him ugly again; but he would always be +plain. And you said it was not the sort of face one would want to have +always before one at meals; but that you were not called upon to +undergo that discipline, which would be sheer martyrdom to you." + +"I was so interested, at the time; and so amused at the unconscious way +in which you stood and explained this, to quite the plainest woman of +your acquaintance, that I recorded it very fully in my journal.--Alas! +On that important night, I read the words, over and over, until they +took morbid hold upon my brain. Then--such is the self-consciousness +awakened in a woman by the fact that she is loved and sought--I turned +on all the lights around my mirror, and critically and carefully +examined the face you would have to see every day behind your +coffee-pot at breakfast, for years and years, if I said 'Yes,' on the +morrow. Darling, I did not see myself through your eyes, as, thank God, +I have done since. And I DID NOT TRUST YOUR LOVE TO STAND THE TEST. It +seemed to me, I was saving both of us from future disappointment and +misery, by bravely putting away present joy, in order to avoid certain +disenchantment. My beloved, it will seem to you so coolly calculating, +and so mean; so unworthy of the great love you were even then lavishing +upon me. But remember, for years, your remarkable personal grace and +beauty had been a source of pleasure to me; and I had pictured you +wedded to Pauline Lister, for instance, in her dazzling whiteness, and +soft radiant youth. So my morbid self-consciousness said: 'What! This +young Apollo, tied to my ponderous plainness; growing handsomer every +year, while I grow older and plainer?' Ah, darling! It sounds so +unworthy, now we know what our love is. But it sounded sensible and +right that night; and at last, with a bosom that ached, and arms that +hung heavy at the thought of being emptied of all that joy, I made up +my mind to say 'no.' Ah, believe me, I had no idea what it already +meant to you. I thought you would pass on at once to another fancy; and +transfer your love to one more able to meet your needs, at every point. +Honestly, Garth, I thought I should be the only one left +desolate.--Then came the question: how to refuse you. I knew if I gave +the true reason, you would argue it away, and prove me wrong, with +glowing words, before which I should perforce yield. So--as I really +meant not to let you run the risk, and not to run it myself--I lied to +you, my beloved. To you, whom my whole being acclaimed King of my +heart, Master of my will; supreme to me, in love and life,--to YOU I +said: 'I cannot marry a mere boy.' Ah, darling! I do not excuse it. I +do not defend it. I merely confess it; trusting to your generosity to +admit, that no other answer would have sent you away. Ah, your poor +Jane, left desolate! If you could have seen her in the little church, +calling you back; retracting and promising; listening for your +returning footsteps, in an agony of longing. But my Garth is not made +of the stuff which stands waiting on the door-mat of a woman's +indecision." + +"The lonely year which followed so broke my nerve, that Deryck Brand +told me I was going all to pieces, and ordered me abroad. I went, as +you know; and in other, and more vigorous, surroundings, there came to +me a saner view of life. In Egypt last March, on the summit of the +Great Pyramid, I made up my mind that I could live without you no +longer. I did not see myself wrong; but I yearned so for your love, and +to pour mine upon you, my beloved, that I concluded it was worth the +risk. I made up my mind to take the next boat home, and send for you. +Then--oh, my own boy--I heard. I wrote to you; and you would not let me +come." + +"Now I know perfectly well, that you might say: 'She did not trust me +when I had my sight. Now that I cannot see, she is no longer afraid.' +Garth, you might, say that; but it would not be true. I have had ample +proof lately that I was wrong, and ought to have trusted you all +through. What it is, I will tell you later. All I can say now is: that, +if your dear shining eyes could see, they would see, NOW, a woman who +is, trustfully and unquestioningly, all your own. If she is doubtful of +her face and figure, she says quite simply: 'They pleased HIM; and they +are just HIS. I have no further right to criticise them. If he wants +them, they are not mine, but his.' Darling, I cannot tell you now, how +I have arrived at this assurance. But I have had proofs beyond words of +your faithfulness and love." + +"The question, therefore, simply resolves itself into this: Can you +forgive me? If you can forgive me, I can come to you at once. If this +thing is past forgiveness, I must make up my mind to stay away. But, +oh, my own Dear,--the bosom on which once you laid your head waits for +you with the longing ache of lonely years. If you need it, do not +thrust it from you." + +"Write me one word by your own hand: 'Forgiven.' It is all I ask. When +it reaches me, I will come to you at once. Do not dictate a letter to +your secretary. I could not bear it. Just write--if you can truly write +it--'FORGIVEN'; and send it to 'Your Wife.'" + +The room was very still, as Nurse Rosemary finished reading; and, +laying down the letter, silently waited. She wondered for a moment +whether she could get herself a glass of water, without disturbing him; +but decided to do without it. + +At last Garth lifted his head. + +"She has asked me to do a thing impossible," he said; and a slow smile +illumined his drawn face. + +Jane clasped her hands upon her breast. + +"CAN you not write 'forgiven'?" asked Nurse Rosemary, brokenly. + +"No," said Garth. "I cannot. Little girl, give me a sheet of paper, and +a pencil." + +Nurse Rosemary placed them close to his hand. + +Garth took up the pencil. He groped for the paper; felt the edges with +his left hand; found the centre with his fingers; and, in large firm +letters, wrote one word. + +"Is that legible?" he asked, passing it across to Nurse Rosemary. + +"Quite legible," she said; for she answered before it was blotted by +her tears. + +Instead of "forgiven," Garth had written: "LOVED." + +"Can you post it at once?" Garth asked, in a low, eager voice. "And she +will come--oh, my God, she will come! If we catch to-night's mail, she +may be here the day after to-morrow!" + +Nurse Rosemary took up the letter; and, by an almost superhuman effort, +spoke steadily. + +"Mr. Dalmain," she said; "there is a postscript to this letter. It +says: 'Write to The Palace Hotel, Aberdeen.'" + +Garth sprang up, his whole face and figure alive with excitement. + +"In Aberdeen?" he cried. "Jane, in Aberdeen! Oh, my God! If she gets +this paper to-morrow morning, she may be here any time in the day. +Jane! Jane! Dear little Rosemary, do you hear? Jane will come +to-morrow! Didn't I tell you something was going to happen? You and +Simpson were too British to understand; but Margery knew; and the woods +told us it was Joy coming through Pain. Could that be posted at once, +Miss Gray?" + +The May-Day mood was upon him again. His face shone. His figure was +electric with expectation. Nurse Rosemary sat at the table watching +him; her chin in her hands. A tender smile dawned on her lips, out of +keeping with her supposed face and figure; so full was it of the +glorious expectation of a mature and perfect love. + +"I will go to the post-office myself, Mr. Dalmain," she said. "I shall +be glad of the walk; and I can be back by tea-time." + +At the post-office she did not post the word in Garth's handwriting. +That lay hidden in her bosom. But she sent off two telegrams. The first +to + + The Duchess of Meldyum, + + Palace Hotel, Aberdeen. + + "Come here by 5.50 train without fail this evening." + +The second to + + Sir Deryck Brand, + + Wimpole Sheet, London. + + "All is right." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXV + +NURSE ROSEMARY HAS HER REWARD + + +"Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, with patient insistence, "I really +do want you to sit down, and give your mind to the tea-table. How can +you remember where each thing is placed, if you keep jumping up, and +moving your chair into different positions? And last time you pounded +the table to attract my attention, which was already anxiously fixed +upon you, you nearly knocked over your own tea, and sent floods of mine +into the saucer. If you cannot behave better, I shall ask Margery for a +pinafore, and sit you up on a high chair!" + +Garth stretched his legs in front of him, and his arms over his head; +and lay back in his chair, laughing joyously. + +"Then I should have to say: 'Please, Nurse, may I get down?' What a +cheeky little thing you are becoming! And you used to be quite +oppressively polite. I suppose you would answer: 'If you say your grace +nicely, Master Garth, you may.' Do you know the story of 'Tommy, you +should say Your Grace'?" + +"You have told it to me twice in the last forty-eight hours," said +Nurse Rosemary, patiently. + +"Oh, what a pity! I felt so like telling it now. If you had really been +the sort of sympathetic person Sir Deryck described, you would have +said: 'No; and I should so LOVE to hear it!'" + +"No; and I should so LOVE to hear it!" said Nurse Rosemary. + +"Too late! That sort of thing, to have any value should be spontaneous. +It need not be true; but it MUST be spontaneous. But, talking of a high +chair,--when you say those chaffy things in a voice like Jane's, and +just as Jane would have said them--oh, my wig!--Do you know, that is +the duchess's only original little swear. All the rest are quotations. +And when she says: 'My wig!' we all try not to look at it. It is +usually slightly awry. The toucan tweaks it. He is so very LOVING, dear +bird!" + +"Now hand me the buttered toast," said Nurse Rosemary; "and don't tell +me any more naughty stories about the duchess. No! That is the thin +bread-and-butter. I told you you would lose your bearings. The toast is +in a warm plate on your right. Now let us make believe I am Miss +Champion, and hand it to me, as nicely as you will be handing it to +her, this time to-morrow." + +"It is easy to make believe you are Jane, with that voice," said Garth; +"and yet--I don't know. I have never really associated you with her. +One little sentence of old Rob's made all the difference to me. He said +you had fluffy floss-silk sort of hair. No one could ever imagine Jane +with fluffy floss-silk sort of hair! And I believe that one sentence +saved the situation. Otherwise, your voice would have driven me mad, +those first days. As it was, I used to wonder sometimes if I could +possibly bear it. You understand why, now; don't you? And yet, in a +way, it is NOT like hers. Hers is deeper; and she often speaks with a +delicious kind of drawl, and uses heaps of slang; and you are such a +very proper little person; and possess what the primers call 'perfectly +correct diction.' What fun it would be to hear you and Jane talk +together! And yet--I don't know. I should be on thorns, all the time." + +"Why?" + +"I should be so awfully afraid lest you should not like one another. +You see, YOU have really, in a way, been more to me than any one else +in the world; and SHE--well, she IS my world," said Garth, simply. "And +I should be so afraid lest she should not fully appreciate you; and you +should not quite understand her. She has a sort of way of standing and +looking people up and down, and, women hate it; especially pretty +fluffy little women. They feel she spots all the things that come off." + +"Nothing of mine comes off," murmured Nurse Rosemary, "excepting my +patient, when he will not stay on his chair." + +"Once," continued Garth, with the gleeful enjoyment in his voice which +always presaged a story in which Jane figured, "there was a fearfully +silly little woman staying at Overdene, when a lot of us were there. We +never could make out why she was included in one of the duchess's 'best +parties,' except that the dear duchess vastly enjoyed taking her off, +and telling stories about her; and we could not appreciate the +cleverness of the impersonation, unless we had seen the original. She +was rather pretty, in a fussy, curling-tongs, wax-doll sort of way; but +she never could let her appearance alone, or allow people to forget it. +Almost every sentence she spoke, drew attention to it. We got very sick +of it, and asked Jane to make her shut up. But Jane said: 'It doesn't +hurt you, boys; and it pleases her. Let her be.' Jane was always extra +nice to people, if she suspected they were asked down in order to make +sport for the duchess afterwards. Jane hated that sort of thing. She +couldn't say much to her aunt; but we had to be very careful how we +egged the duchess on, if Jane was within hearing. Well--one evening, +after tea, a little group of us were waiting around the fire in the +lower hall, to talk to Jane. It was Christmas time. The logs looked so +jolly on the hearth. The red velvet curtains were drawn right across, +covering the terrace door and the windows on either side. Tommy sat on +his perch, in the centre of the group, keeping a keen lookout for +cigarette ends. Outside, the world was deep in snow; and that wonderful +silence reigned; making the talk and laughter within all the more gay +by contrast--you know, that PENETRATING silence; when trees, and +fields, and paths, are covered a foot thick in soft sparkling +whiteness. I always look forward, just as eagerly, each winter to the +first sight--ah, I forgot! ... Fancy never seeing snow again! ... +Never mind. It is something to remember HAVING seen it; and I shall +hear the wonderful snow-silence more clearly than ever. Perhaps before +other people pull up the blinds, I shall be able to say: 'There's been +a fall of snow in the night.' What was I telling you? Yes, I remember. +About little Mrs. Fussy. Well--all the women had gone up to dress for +dinner; excepting Jane, who never needed more than half an hour; and +Fussy, who was being sprightly, in a laboured way; and fancied herself +the centre of attraction which kept us congregated in the hall. As a +matter of fact, we were waiting to tell Jane some private news we had +just heard about a young chap in the guards, who was in fearful hot +water for ragging. His colonel was an old friend of Jane's, and we +thought she could put in a word, and improve matters for Billy. So Mrs. +Fussy was very much de trop, and didn't know it. Jane was sitting with +her back to all of us, her feet on the fender, and her skirt turned up +over her knees. Oh, there was another one, underneath; a handsome silk +thing, with rows of little frills,--which you would think should have +gone on outside. But Jane's best things are never paraded; always +hidden. I don't mean clothes, now; but her splendid self. Well--little +Fussy was 'chatting'--she never talked--about herself and her +conquests; quite unconscious that we all wished her at Jericho. Jane +went on reading the evening paper; but she felt the atmosphere growing +restive. Presently--ah, but I must not tell you the rest. I have just +remembered. Jane made us promise never to repeat it. She thought it +detrimental to the other woman. But we just had time for our confab; +and Jane caught the evening post with the letter which got Billy off +scot-free; and yet came down punctually to dinner, better dressed than +any of them. We felt it rather hard luck to have to promise; because we +had each counted on being the first to tell the story to the duchess. +But, you know, you always have to do as Jane says." + +"Why?" + +"Oh, I don't know! I can't explain why. If you knew her, you would not +need to ask. Cake, Miss Gray?" + +"Thank you. Right, this time." + +"There! That is exactly as Jane would have said: 'Right, this time.' Is +it not strange that after having for weeks thought your voice so like +hers, to-morrow I shall be thinking her voice so like yours?" + +"Oh, no, you will not," said Nurse Rosemary. "When she is with you, you +will have no thoughts for other people." + +"Indeed, but I shall!" cried Garth. "And, dear little Rosemary, I shall +miss you, horribly. No one--not even she--can take your place. And, do +you know," he leaned forward, and a troubled look clouded the gladness +of his face, "I am beginning to feel anxious about it. She has not seen +me since the accident. I am afraid it will give her a shock. Do you +think she will find me much changed?" + +Jane looked at the sightless face turned so anxiously toward her. She +remembered that morning in his room, when he thought himself alone with +Dr. Rob; and, leaving the shelter of the wall, sat up to speak, and she +saw his face for the first time. She remembered turning to the +fireplace, so that Dr. Rob should not see the tears raining down her +cheeks. She looked again at Garth--now growing conscious, for the first +time, of his disfigurement; and then, only for her sake--and an almost +overwhelming tenderness gripped her heart. She glanced at the clock. +She could not hold out much longer. + +"Is it very bad?" said Garth; and his voice shook. + +"I cannot answer for another woman," replied Nurse Rosemary; "but I +should think your face, just as it is, will always be her joy." + +Garth flushed; pleased and relieved, but slightly surprised. There was +a quality in Nurse Rosemary's voice, for which he could not altogether +account. + +"But then, she will not be accustomed to my blind ways," he continued. +"I am afraid I shall seem so helpless and so blundering. She has not +been in Sightless Land, as you and I have been. She does not know all +our plans of cords, and notches, and things. Ah, little Rosemary! +Promise not to leave me to-morrow. I want Her--only God, knows how I +want her; but I begin to be half afraid. It will be so wonderful, for +the great essentials; but, for the little every-day happenings, which +are so magnified by the darkness, oh, my kind unseen guide, how I shall +need you. At first, I thought it lucky you had settled to go, just when +she is coming; but now, just because she is coming, I cannot let you +go. Having her will be wonderful beyond words; but it will not be the +same as having you." + +Nurse Rosemary was receiving her reward, and she appeared to find it +rather overwhelming. + +As soon as she could speak, she said, gently: "Don't excite yourself +over it, Mr. Dalmain. Believe me, when you have been with her for five +minutes, you will find it just the same as having me. And how do you +know she has not also been in Sightless Land? A nurse would do that +sort of thing, because she was very keen on her profession, and on +making a success of her case. The woman who loves you would do it for +love of you." + +"It would be like her," said Garth; and leaned back, a look of deep +contentment gathering on his face. "Oh, Jane! Jane! She is coming! She +is coming!" + +Nurse Rosemary looked at the clock. + +"Yes; she is coming," she said; and though her voice was steady, her +hands trembled. "And, as it is our last evening together under quite +the same circumstances as during all these weeks, will you agree to a +plan of mine? I must go upstairs now, and do some packing, and make a +few arrangements. But will you dress early? I will do the same; and if +you could be down in the library by half-past six, we might have some +music before dinner." + +"Why certainly," said Garth. "It makes no difference to me at what time +I dress; and I am always ready for music. But, I say: I wish you were +not packing, Miss Gray." + +"I am not exactly packing up," replied Nurse Rosemary. "I am packing +things away." + +"It is all the same, if it means leaving. But you have promised not to +go until she comes?" + +"I will not go--until she comes." + +"And you will tell her all the things she ought to know?" + +"She shall know all I know, which could add to your comfort." + +"And you will not leave me, until I am really--well, getting on all +right?" + +"I will never leave you, while you need me," said Nurse Rosemary. And +again Garth detected that peculiar quality in her voice. He rose, and +came towards where he heard her to be standing. + +"Do you know, you are no end of a brick," he said, with emotion. Then +he held out both hands towards her. "Put your hands in mine just for +once, little Rosemary. I want to try to thank you." + +There was a moment of hesitation. Two strong capable hands--strong and +capable, though, just then, they trembled--nearly went home to his; but +were withdrawn just in time. Jane's hour was not yet. This was Nurse +Rosemary's moment of triumph and success. It should not be taken from +her. + +"This evening," she said, softly, "after the music, we will--shake +hands. Now be careful, sir. You are stranded. Wait. Here is the +garden-cord, just to your left. Take a little air on the terrace; and +sing again the lovely song I heard under my window this morning. And +now that you know what it is that is 'going to happen,' this exquisite +May-Day evening will fill you with tender expectation. Good-bye, +sir--for an hour." + +"What has come to little Rosemary?" mused Garth, as he felt for his +cane, in its corner by the window. "We could not have gone on +indefinitely quite as we have been, since she came in from the +post-office." + +He walked on; a troubled look clouding his face: Suddenly it lifted, +and he stood still, and laughed. "Duffer!" he said. "Oh, what a +conceited duffer! She is thinking of her 'young man.' She is going to +him to-morrow; and her mind is full of him; just as mine is full of +Jane. Dear, good, clever, little Rosemary! I hope he is worthy of her. +No; that he cannot be. I hope he knows he is NOT worthy of her. That is +more to the point. I hope he will receive her as she expects. Somehow, +I hate letting her go to him. Oh, hang the fellow!--as Tommy would say." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVI + +THE REVELATION OF THE ROSARY + + +Simpson was crossing the hall just before half-past six o'clock. He had +left his master in the library. He heard a rustle just above him; and, +looking up, saw a tall figure descending the wide oak staircase. + +Simpson stood transfixed. The soft black evening-gown, with its +trailing folds, and old lace at the bosom, did not impress him so much +as the quiet look of certainty and power on the calm face above them. + +"Simpson," said Jane, "my aunt, the Duchess of Meldrum, and her maid, +and her footman, and a rather large quantity of luggage, will be +arriving from Aberdeen, at about half-past seven. Mrs. Graem knows +about preparing rooms; and I have given James orders for meeting the +train with the brougham, and the luggage-cart. The duchess dislikes +motors. When her Grace arrives, you can show her into the library. We +will dine in the dining-room at a quarter past eight. Meanwhile, Mr. +Dalmain and myself are particularly engaged just now, and must not be +disturbed on any account, until the duchess's arrival. You quite +understand?" + +"Yes, miss-m'lady," stammered Simpson. He had been boot-boy in a ducal +household early in his career; and he considered duchesses' nieces to +be people before whom one should bow down. + +Jane smiled. "'Miss' is quite sufficient, Simpson," she said; and swept +towards the library. + +Garth heard her enter, and close the door; and his quick ear caught the +rustle of a train. + +"Hullo, Miss Gray," he said. "Packed your uniform?" + +"Yes," said Jane. "I told you I was packing." + +She came slowly across the room, and stood on the hearth-rug looking +down at him. He was in full evening-dress; just as at Shenstone on that +memorable night; and, as he sat well back in his deep arm-chair, one +knee crossed over the other, she saw the crimson line of his favourite +silk socks. + +Jane stood looking down upon him. Her hour had come at last. But even +now she must, for his sake, be careful and patient. + +"I did not hear the song," she said. + +"No," replied Garth. "At first, I forgot. And when I remembered, I had +been thinking of other things, and somehow--ah, Miss Gray! I cannot +sing to-night. My soul is dumb with longing." + +"I know," said Jane, gently; "and I am going to sing to you." + +A faint look of surprise crossed Garth's face. "Do you sing?" he asked. +"Then why have you not sung before?" + +"When I arrived," said Jane, "Dr. Rob asked me whether I played. I +said: 'A little.' Thereupon he concluded I sang a little, too; and he +forbade me, most peremptorily, either to play a little; or sing a +little, to you. He said he did not want you driven altogether mad." + +Garth burst out laughing. + +"How like old Robbie," he said. "And, in spite of his injunctions, are +you going to take the risk, and 'sing a little,' to me, to-night?" + +"No," said Jane. "I take no risks. I am going to sing you one song. +Here is the purple cord, at your right hand. There is nothing between +you and the piano; and you are facing towards it. If you want to stop +me--you can come." + +She walked to the instrument, and sat down. + +Over the top of the grand piano, she could see him, leaning back in his +chair; a slightly amused smile playing about his lips. He was evidently +still enjoying the humour of Dr. Rob's prohibition. + +The Rosary has but one opening chord. She struck it; her eyes upon his +face. She saw him sit up, instantly; a look of surprise, expectation, +bewilderment, gathering there. + +Then she began to sing. The deep rich voice, low and vibrant, as the +softest tone of 'cello, thrilled into the startled silence. + + "The hours I spent with thee, dear heart, + Are as a string of pearls to me; + I count them over, ev'ry one apart, + My rosary,--my rosary. + Each hour a pearl--" + +Jane got no further. + +Garth had risen. He spoke no word; but he was coming blindly over to +the piano. She turned on the music-stool, her arms held out to receive +him. Now he had found the woodwork. His hand crashed down upon the +bass. Now he had found her. He was on his knees, his arms around her. +Hers enveloped him--, yearning, tender, hungry with the repressed +longing of all those hard weeks. + +He lifted his sightless face to hers, for one moment. "You?" he said. +"YOU? You--all the time?" + +Then he hid his face in the soft lace at her breast. + +"Oh, my boy, my darling!" said Jane, tenderly; holding the dear head +close. "Yes; I, all the time; all the time near him, in his loss and +pain. Could I have stopped away? But, oh, Garth! What it is, at last to +hold you, and touch you, and feel you here! ... Yes, it is I. Oh, my +beloved, are you not quite sure? Who else could hold you thus? ... +Take care, my darling! Come over to the couch, just here; and sit +beside me." + +Garth rose, and raised her, without loosing her; and she guided herself +and him to a safer seat close by. But there again he flung himself upon +his knees, and held her; his arms around her waist; his face hidden in +the shelter of her bosom. + +"Ah,--darling, darling," said Jane softly, and her hands stole up +behind his head, with a touch of unspeakable protective tenderness; "it +has been so sweet to wait upon my boy; and help him in his darkness; +and shield him from unnecessary pain; and be always there, to meet his +every need. But I could not come myself--until he knew; and understood; +and had forgiven--no, not 'forgiven'; understood, and yet still LOVED. +For he does now understand? And he does forgive? ... Oh, Garth! ... +Oh--hush, my darling! ... You frighten me! ... No, I will never +leave you; never, never! ... Oh, can't you understand, my beloved? ... +Then I must tell you more plainly. Darling,--do be still, and +listen. Just for a few days we must be as we have been; only my boy +will know it is I who am near him. Aunt 'Gina is coming this evening. +She will be here in half an hour. Then, as soon as possible we will get +a special license; and we will be married, Garth; and then--" Jane +paused; and the man who knelt beside her, held his breath to +listen--"and then," continued Jane in a low tender voice, which +gathered in depth of sacred mystery, yet did not falter--"then it will +be my highest joy, to be always with my husband, night and day." + +A long sweet silence. The tempest of emotion in her arms was hushed to +rest. The eternal voice of perfect love had whispered: "Peace, be +still"; and there was a great calm. + +At last Garth lifted his head. "Always? Always together?" he said. "Ah, +that will be 'perpetual light!'" + + * * * * * + +When Simpson, pale with importance, flung open the library door, and +announced: "Her Grace, the Duchess of Meldrum," Jane was seated at the +piano, playing soft dreamy chords; and a slim young man, in evening +dress, advanced with eager hospitality to greet his guest. + +The duchess either did not see, or chose to ignore the guiding cord. +She took his outstretched hand warmly in both her own. + +"Goodness gracious, my dear Dal! How you surprise me! I expected to +find you blind! And here you are striding about, just your old handsome +self!" + +"Dear Duchess," said Garth, and stooping, kissed the kind old hands +still holding his; "I cannot see you, I am sorry to say; but I don't +feel very blind to-night. My darkness has been lightened by a joy +beyond expression." + +"Oh ho! So that's the way the land lies! Now which are you going to +marry? The nurse,--who, I gather, is a most respectable young person, +and highly recommended; or that hussy, Jane; who, without the smallest +compunction, orders her poor aunt from one end of the kingdom to the +other, to suit her own convenience?" + +Jane came over from the piano, and slipped her hand through her lover's +arm. + +"Dear Aunt 'Gina," she said; "you know you loved coming; because you +enjoy a mystery, and like being a dear old 'deus ex machina,' at the +right moment. And he is going to marry them both; because they both +love him far too dearly ever to leave him again; and he seems to think +he cannot do without either." + +The duchess looked at the two radiant faces; one sightless; the other, +with glad proud eyes for both; and her own filled with tears. + +"Hoity-toity!" she said. "Are we in Salt Lake City? Well, we always +thought one girl would not do for Dal; he would need the combined +perfections of several; and he appears to think he has found them. God +bless you both, you absurdly happy people; and I will bless you, too; +but not until I have dined. Now, ring for that very nervous person, +with side-whiskers; and tell him I want my maid, and my room, and I +want to know where they have put my toucan. I had to bring him, Jane. +He is so LOVING, dear bird! I knew you would think him in the way; but +I really could not leave him behind." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVII + +"IN THE FACE OF THIS CONGREGATION" + + +The society paragraphs would have described it as "a very quiet +wedding," when Garth and Jane, a few days later, were pronounced "man +and wife together," in the little Episcopal church among the hills. + +Perhaps, to those who were present, it stands out rather as an unusual +wedding, than as a quiet one. + +To Garth and Jane the essential thing was to be married, and left to +themselves, with as little delay as possible. They could not be induced +to pay any attention to details as to the manner in which this desired +end was to be attained. Jane left it entirely to the doctor, in one +practical though casual sentence: "Just make sure it is valid, Dicky; +and send us in the bills." + +The duchess, being a true conservative, early began mentioning veils, +orange-blossom, and white satin; but Jane said: "My dear Aunt! Fancy +me--in orange-blossom! I should look like a Christmas pantomime. And I +never wear veils, even in motors; and white satin is a form of clothing +I have always had the wisdom to avoid." + +"Then in what do you intend to be married, unnatural girl?" inquired +the duchess. + +"In whatever I happen to put on, that morning," replied Jane, knotting +the silk of a soft crimson cord she was knitting; and glancing out of +the window, to where Garth sat smoking, on the terrace. + +"Have you a time-table?" inquired her Grace of Meldrum, with dangerous +calmness. "And can you send me to the station this afternoon?" + +"We can always send to the station, at a moment's notice," said Jane, +working in a golden strand, and considering the effect. "But where are +you going, dear Aunt 'Gina? You know Deryck and Flower arrive this +evening." + +"I am washing my hands of you, and going South," said the duchess, +wrathfully. + +"Don't do that, dear," said Jane, placidly. "You have washed your hands +of me so often; and, like the blood of King Duncan of Scotland, I am +upon them still. 'All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this +little hand.'" Then, raising her voice: "Garth, if you want to walk, +just give a call. I am here, talking over my trousseau with Aunt 'Gina." + +"What is a trousseau?" came back in Garth's happy voice. + +"A thing you get into to be married," said Jane. + +"Then let's get into it quickly," shouted Garth, with enthusiasm. + +"Dear Aunt," said Jane, "let us make a compromise. I have some quite +nice clothes upstairs, including Redfern tailor-mades, and several +uniforms. Let your maid look through them, and whatever you select, and +she puts out in readiness on my wedding morning, I promise to wear." + +This resulted in Jane appearing at the church in a long blue cloth coat +and skirt, handsomely embroidered with gold, and suiting her large +figure to perfection; a deep yellow vest of brocaded silk; and old lace +ruffles at neck and wrists. + +Garth was as anxious about his wedding garments, as Jane had been +indifferent over hers; but he had so often been in requisition as +best-man at town weddings, that Simpson had no difficulty in turning +him out in the acme of correct bridal attire. And very handsome he +looked, as he stood waiting at the chancel steps; not watching for his +bride; but obviously listening for her; for, as Jane came up the church +on Deryck's arm, Garth slightly turned his head and smiled. + +The duchess--resplendent in purple satin and ermine, with white plumes +in her bonnet, and many jewelled chains depending from her, which +rattled and tinkled, in the silence of the church, every time she +moved--was in a front pew on the left, ready to give her niece away. + +In a corresponding seat, on the opposite side, as near as possible to +the bridegroom, sat Margery Graem, in black silk, with a small quilted +satin bonnet, and a white lawn kerchief folded over the faithful old +heart which had beaten in tenderness for Garth since his babyhood. She +turned her head anxiously, every time the duchess jingled; but +otherwise kept her eyes fixed on the marriage service, in a large-print +prayer-book in her lap. Margery was not used to the Episcopal service, +and she had her "doots" as to whether it could possibly be gone through +correctly, by all parties concerned. In fact this anxiety of old +Margery's increased so painfully when the ceremony actually commenced, +that it took audible form; and she repeated all the answers of the +bridal pair, in an impressive whisper, after them. + +Dr. Rob, being the only available bachelor, did duty as best-man; Jane +having stipulated that he should not be intrusted with the ring; her +previous observations leading her to conclude that he would most +probably slip it unconsciously on to his finger, and then search +through all his own pockets and all Garth's; and begin taking up the +church matting, before it occurred to him to look at his hand. Jane +would not have minded the diversion, but she did object to any delay. +So the ring went to church in Garth's waistcoat pocket, where it had +lived since Jane brought it out from Aberdeen; and, without any +fumbling or hesitation, was quietly laid by him upon the open book. + +Dr. Rob had charge of the fees for clerk, verger, bell-ringers, and +every person, connected with the church, who could possibly have a tip +pressed upon them. + +Garth was generous in his gladness, and eager to do all things in a +manner worthy of the great gift made fully his that day. So Dr. Rob was +well provided with the wherewithal; and this he jingled in his pockets +as soon as the exhortation commenced, and his interest in the +proceedings resulted in his fatal habit of unconsciousness of his own +actions. Thus he and the duchess kept up a tinkling duet, each hearing +the other, and not their own sounds. So the duchess glared at Dr. Rob; +and Dr. Rob frowned at the duchess; and old Margery looked tearfully at +both. + +Deryck Brand, the tallest man in the church, his fine figure showing to +advantage in the long frock coat with silk facings, which Lady Brand +had pronounced indispensable to the occasion, retired to a seat beside +his wife, just behind old Margery, as soon as he had conducted Jane to +Garth's side. As Jane removed her hand from his arm, she turned and +smiled at him; and a long look passed between them. All the memories, +all the comprehension, all the trust and affection of years, seemed to +concentrate in that look; and Lady Brand's eyes dropped to her dainty +white and gold prayer-book. She had never known jealousy; the doctor +had never given her any possible reason for acquiring that cruel +knowledge. His Flower bloomed for him; and her fragrance alone made his +continual joy. All other lovely women were mere botanical specimens, to +be examined and classified. But Flower had never quite understood the +depth of the friendship between her husband and Jane, founded on the +associations and aspirations of childhood and early youth, and a +certain similarity of character which would not have wedded well, but +which worked out into a comradeship, providing a source of strength for +both. Of late, Flower had earnestly tried to share, even while failing +to comprehend, it. + +Perhaps she, in her pale primrose gown, with daffodils at her waist, +and sunbeams in her golden hair, was the most truly bridal figure in +the church. As the doctor turned from the bride, and sought his place +beside her in the pew, he looked at the sweet face, bent so demurely +over the prayer-book, and thought he had never seen his wife look more +entrancingly lovely. Unconsciously his hand strayed to the white +rosebud she had fastened in his coat as they strolled round the +conservatory together that morning. Flower, glancing up, surprised his +look. She did not think it right to smile in church; but a delicate +wave of colour swept over her face, and her cheek leaned as near the +doctor's shoulder, as the size of her hat would allow. Flower felt +quite certain that was a look the doctor had never given Jane. + +The service commenced. The short-sighted clergyman, very nervous, and +rather overwhelmed by the unusual facts of a special license, a blind +bridegroom, and the reported presence of a duchess, began reading very +fast, in an undertone, which old Margery could not follow, though her +finger, imprisoned in unwonted kid, hurried along the lines. Then +conscious of his mistake, he slowed down, and became too impressive; +making long nerve-straining pauses, fled in by the tinkling of the +duchess, and the chinking in Dr. Rob's trousers-pockets. + +Thus they arrived at the demand upon the congregation, if they could +show any just cause why these two persons might not lawfully be joined +together, NOW to speak--and the pause here was so long, and so +over-powering, that old Margery said "nay"; and then gave a nervous +sob. The bridegroom turned and smiled in the direction of the voice; +and the doctor, leaning forward, laid his hand on the trembling +shoulder, and whispered: "Steady, old friend. It is all right." + +There was no pause whatever after the solemn charge to the couple; so +if Garth and Jane had any secrets to disclose, they had perforce to +keep them for after discussion. + +Then Jane found her right hand firmly clasped in Garth's; and no +inadequacy of the Church's mouth-piece could destroy the exquisite +beauty of the Church's words, in which Garth was asked if he would take +her to be his own. + +To this, Garth, and old Margery, said they would; with considerable +display of emotion. + +Then the all-comprehensive question was put to Jane; the Church seeming +to remind her gently, that she took him in his blindness, with all +which that might entail. + +Jane said: "I will"; and the deep, tender voice, was the voice of The +Rosary. + +When the words were uttered, Garth lifted the hand he held, and +reverently kissed it. + +This was not in the rubric, and proved disconcerting to the clergyman. +He threw up his head suddenly, and inquired: "Who giveth this woman to +be married to this man?" And as, for the moment, there was no response, +he repeated, the question wildly; gazing into distant corners of the +church. + +Then the duchess, who up to that time had been feeling a little bored, +realised that her moment had come, and rejoiced. She sailed out of her +pew, and advanced to the chancel step. "My dear good man," she said; +"_I_ give my niece away; having come north at considerable +inconvenience for that express purpose. Now, go on. What do we do next?" + +Dr. Rob broke into an uncontrollable chuckle. The duchess lifted her +lorgnette, and surveyed him. Margery searched her prayer-book in vain +for the duchess's response. It did not appear to be there. + +Flower looked in distressed appeal at the doctor. But the doctor was +studying, with grave intentness, a stencilled pattern on the chancel +roof; and paid no attention to Flower's nudge. + +The only people completely unconscious of anything unusual in the order +of proceedings appeared to be the bride and bridegroom. They were +taking each other "in the sight of God, and in the face of this +congregation." They were altogether absorbed in each other, standing +together in the sight of God; and the deportment of "this congregation" +was a matter they scarcely noticed. "People always behave grotesquely +at weddings," Jane had said to Garth, beforehand; "and ours will be no +exception to the general rule. But we can close our eyes, and stand +together in Sightless Land; and Deryck will take care it is valid." + +"Not in Sightless Land, my beloved," said Garth; "but in the Land where +they need no candle neither light of the sun. However, and wherever, I +take YOU as my wife, I shall be standing on the summit of God's heaven." + +So they stood; and in their calmness the church hushed to silence. The +service proceeded; and the minister, who had not known how to keep them +from clasping hands when the rubric did not require it, found no +difficulty in inducing them to do so again. + +So they took each other--these two, who were so deeply each other's +already--solemnly, reverently, tenderly, in the sight of God, they took +each other, according to God's holy ordinance; and the wedding ring, +type of that eternal love which has neither beginning nor ending, +passed from Garth's pocket, over the Holy Book, on to Jane's finger. + +When it was over, she took his arm; and leaning upon it, so that he +could feel she leaned, guided him to the vestry. + +Afterwards, in the brougham, for those few precious minutes, when +husband and wife find themselves alone for the first time, Garth turned +to Jane with an eager naturalness, which thrilled her heart as no +studied speech could have done. He did not say: "My wife." That unique +moment had been theirs, three years before. + +"Dearest," he said, "how soon will they all go? How soon shall we be +quite alone? Oh, why couldn't they drive to the station from the +church?" + +Jane looked at her watch. "Because we must lunch them, dear," she said. +"Think how good they have all been. And we could not start our married +life by being inhospitable. It is just one o'clock; and we ordered +luncheon at half-past. Their train leaves the station at half-past +four. In three hours, Garth, we shall be alone." + +"Shall I be able to behave nicely for three hours?" exclaimed Garth, +boyishly. + +"You must," said Jane, "or I shall fetch Nurse Rosemary." + +"Oh hush!" he said. "All that is too precious, to-day, for chaff. +Jane"--he turned suddenly, and laid his hand on hers--"Jane! Do you +understand that you are now--actually--my wife?" + +Jane took his hand, and held it against her heart, just where she so +often had pressed her own, when she feared he would hear it throbbing. + +"My darling," she said, "I do not understand it. But I know--ah, thank +God!--I know it to be true." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVIII + +PERPETUAL LIGHT + + +Moonlight on the terrace--silvery, white, serene. Garth and Jane had +stepped out into the brightness; and, finding the night so warm and +still, and the nightingales filling the woods and hills with +soft-throated music, they moved their usual fireside chairs close to +the parapet, and sat there in restful comfort, listening to the sweet +sounds of the quiet night. + +The solitude was so perfect; the restfulness so complete. Garth had +removed the cushion seat from his chair, and placed it on the gravel; +and sat at his wife's feet leaning against her knees. She stroked his +hair and brow softly, as they talked; and every now and then he put up +his hand, drew hers to his lips, and kissed the ring he had never seen. + +Long tender silences fell between them. Now that they were at last +alone, thoughts too deep, joys too sacred for words, trembled about +them; and silence seemed to express more than speech. Only, Garth could +not bear Jane to be for a moment out of reach of his hand. What to +another would have been: "I cannot let her out of my sight," was, to +him, "I cannot let her be beyond my touch." And Jane fully understood +this; and let him feel her every moment within reach. And the bliss of +this was hers as well as his; for sometimes it had seemed to her as if +the hunger in her heart, caused by those long weeks of waiting, when +her arms ached for him, and yet she dared not even touch his hand, +would never be appeased. + +"Sweet, sweet, sweet--thrill," sang a nightingale in the wood. And +Garth whistled an exact imitation. + +"Oh, darling," said Jane, "that reminds me; there is something I do so +want you to sing to me. I don't know what it is; but I think you will +remember. It was on that Monday evening, after I had seen the pictures, +and Nurse Rosemary had described them to you. Both our poor hearts were +on the rack; and I went up early in order to begin my letter of +confession; but you told Simpson not to come for you until eleven. +While I was writing in the room above, I could hear you playing in the +library. You played many things I knew--music we had done together, +long ago. And then a theme I had never heard crept in, and caught my +ear at once, because it was quite new to me, and so marvellously sweet. +I put down my pen and listened. You played it several times, with +slight variations, as if trying to recall it. And then, to my joy, you +began to sing. I crossed the room; softly opened my window, and leaned +out. I could hear some of the words; but not all. Two lines, however, +reached me distinctly, with such penetrating, tender sadness, that I +laid my head against the window-frame, feeling as if I could write no +more, and wait no longer, but must go straight to you at once." + +Garth drew down the dear hand which had held the pen that night; turned +it over, and softly kissed the palm. + +"What were they, Jane?" he said. + + "'Lead us, O Christ, when all is gone, + Safe home at last.'" + +"And oh, my darling, the pathos of those words, 'when all is gone'! +Whoever wrote that music, had been through suffering such as ours. Then +came a theme of such inspiring hopefulness and joy, that I arose, armed +with fresh courage; took up my pen, and went on with my letter. Again +two lines had reached me:" + + "'Where Thou, Eternal Light of Light, + Art Lord of All.'" + +"What is it, Garth? And whose? And where did you hear it? And will you +sing it to me now, darling? I have a sudden wish that you should sing +it, here and now; and I can't wait!" + +Garth sat up, and laughed--a short happy laugh, in which all sorts of +emotions were mingled. + +"Jane! I like to hear you say you can't wait. It isn't like you; +because you are so strong and patient. And yet it is so deliciously +like you, if you FEEL it, to SAY it. I found the words in the +Anthem-book at Worcester Cathedral, this time last year, at even-song. +I copied them into my pocket-book, during the reading of the first +lesson, I am ashamed to say; but it was all about what Balak said unto +Balaam, and Balaam said unto Balak,--so I hope I may be forgiven! They +seemed to me some of the most beautiful words I had ever read; and, +fortunately, I committed them to memory. Of course, I will sing them to +you, if you wish, here and now. But I am afraid the air will sound +rather poor without the accompaniment. However, not for worlds would I +move from here, at this moment." + +So sitting up; in the moonlight, with his back to Jane, his face +uplifted, and his hands clasped around one knee, Garth sang. Much +practice had added greatly to the sweetness and flexibility of his +voice; and he rendered perfectly the exquisite melody to which the +words were set. + +Jane listened with an overflowing heart. + + "The radiant morn hath passed away, + And spent too soon her golden store; + The shadows of departing day + Creep on once more. + "Our life is but a fading dawn, + Its glorious noon, how quickly past! + Lead us, O Christ, when all is gone, + Safe home at last. + "Where saints are clothed in spotless white, + And evening shadows never fall; + where Thou, Eternal Light of Light, + Art Lord of All." + +The triumphant worship of the last line rang out into the night, and +died away. Garth loosed his hands, and leaned back, with a sigh of vast +content, against his wife's knees. + +"Beautiful!" she said. "Beautiful! Garthie--perhaps it is because YOU +sang it; and to-night;--but it seems to me the most beautiful thing I +ever heard. Ah, and how appropriate for us; on this day, of all days." + +"Oh, I don't know," said Garth, stretching his legs in front of him, +and crossing his feet the one over the other. "I certainly feel 'Safe +home at last'--not because 'all is gone'; but because I HAVE all, in +having you, Jane." + +Jane bent, and laid her cheek upon his head. "My own boy," she said, +"you have all I have to give--all, ALL. But, darling, in those dark +days which are past, all seemed gone, for us both. 'Lead us, O +Christ'--It was He who led us safely through the darkness, and has +brought us to this. And Garth, I love to know that He is Lord of +All--Lord of our joy; Lord of our love; Lord of our lives--our wedded +lives, my husband. We could not be so safely, so blissfully, each +other's, were we not ONE, IN HIM. Is this true for you also, Garth?" + +Garth felt for her left hand, drew it down, and laid his cheek against +it; then gently twisted the wedding ring that he might kiss it all +round. + +"Yes, my wife," he said. "I thank God, that I can say in all things: +'Thou, Eternal Light of Light, art Lord of All.'" + +A long sweet silence. Then Jane said, suddenly: "Oh, but the music, +Garthie! That exquisite setting. Whose is it? And where did you hear +it?" + +Garth laughed again; a laugh of half-shy pleasure. + +"I am glad you like it, Jane," he said, "because I must plead guilty to +the fact that it is my own. You see, I knew no music for it; the +Anthem-book gave the words only. And on that awful night, when little +Rosemary had mercilessly rubbed it in, about 'the lady portrayed'; and +what her love MUST have been, and WOULD have been, and COULD have been; +and had made me SEE 'The Wife' again, and 'The--' the other picture; I +felt so bruised, and sore, and lonely. And then those words came to my +mind: 'Lead us, O Christ, when all is gone, safe home at last.' All +seemed gone indeed; and there seemed no home to hope for, in this +world." He raised himself a little, and then leaned back again; so that +his head rested against her bosom. "Safe home at last," he said, and +stayed quite still for a moment, in utter content. Then remembered what +he was telling her, and went on eagerly. + +"So those words came back to me; and to get away from despairing +thoughts, I began reciting them, to an accompaniment of chords." + + "'The radiant morn hath passed away, + And spent too soon her golden store; + The shadows of departing day--'" + +"And then--suddenly, Jane--I SAW it, pictured in sound! Just as I used +to SEE a sunset, in light and shadow, and then transfer it to my canvas +in shade and colour,-so I heard a SUNSET in harmony, and I felt the +same kind of tingle in my fingers as I used to feel when inspiration +came, and I could catch up my brushes and palette. So I played the +sunset. And then I got the theme for life fading, and what one feels +when the glorious noon is suddenly plunged into darkness; and then the +prayer. And then, I HEARD a vision of heaven, where evening shadows +never fall: And after that came the end; just certainty, and worship, +and peace. You see the eventual theme, worked out of all this. It was +like making studies for a picture. That was why you heard it over and +over. I wasn't trying to remember. I was gathering it into final form. +I am awfully glad you like it, Jane; because if I show you how the +harmonies go, perhaps you could write it down. And it would mean such a +lot to me, if you thought it worth singing. I could play the +accompaniment--Hullo! Is it beginning to rain? I felt a drop on my +cheek, and another on my hand." + +No answer. Then he felt the heave, with which Jane caught her breath; +and realised that she was weeping. + +In a moment he was on his knees in front of her. "Jane! Why, what is +the matter; Sweet? What on earth--? Have I said anything to trouble +you? Jane, what is it? O God, why can't I see her!" + +Jane mastered her emotion; controlling her voice, with an immense +effort. Then drew him down beside her. + +"Hush, darling, hush! It is only a great joy--a wonderful surprise. +Lean against me again, and I will try to tell you. Do you know that you +have composed some of the most beautiful music in the world? Do you +know, my own boy, that not only your proud and happy wife, but ALL +women who can sing, will want to sing your music? Garthie, do you +realise what it means? The creative faculty is so strong in you, that +when one outlet was denied it, it burst forth through another. When you +had your sight, you created by the hand and EYE. Now, you will create +by the hand and EAR. The power is the same. It merely works through +another channel. But oh, think what it means! Think! The world lies +before you once more!" + +Garth laughed, and put up his hand to the dear face, still wet with +thankful tears. + +"Oh, bother the world!" he said. "I don't want the world. I only want +my wife." + +Jane put her arms around him. Ah, what a boy he was in some ways! How +full of light-hearted, irrepressible, essential youth. Just then she +felt so much older than he; but how little that mattered. The better +could she wrap him round with the greatness of her tenderness; shield +him from every jar or disillusion; and help him to make the most of his +great gifts. + +"I know, darling," she said. "And you have her. She is just ALL YOURS. +But think of the wonderful future. Thank God, I know enough of the +technical part, to write the scores of your compositions. And, +Garth,--fancy going together to noble cathedrals, and hearing your +anthems sung; and to concerts where the most perfect voices in the +world will be doing their utmost adequately to render your songs. Fancy +thrilling hearts with pure harmony, stirring souls with tone-pictures; +just as before you used to awaken in us all, by your wonderful +paintings, an appreciation and comprehension of beauty." + +Garth raised his head. "Is it really as good as that, Jane?" he said. + +"Dear," answered Jane, earnestly, "I can only tell you, that when you +sang it first, and I had not the faintest idea it was yours, I said to +myself: 'It is the most beautiful thing I ever heard.'" + +"I am glad," said Garth, simply. "And now, let's talk of something +else. Oh, I say, Jane! The present is too wonderful, to leave any +possible room for thoughts about the future. Do talk about the present." + +Jane smiled; and it was the smile of "The Wife"--mysterious; +compassionate; tender; self-surrendering. She leaned over him, and +rested her cheek upon his head. + +"Yes, darling. We will talk of this very moment, if you wish. You +begin." + +"Look at the house, and describe it to me, as you see it in the +moonlight." + +"Very grey, and calm, and restful-looking. And so home-like, Garthie." + +"Are there lights in the windows?" + +"Yes. The library lights are just as we left them. The French window is +standing wide open. The pedestal lamp, under a crimson silk shade, +looks very pretty from here, shedding a warm glow over the interior. +Then, I can see one candle in the dining-room. I think Simpson is +putting away silver." + +"Any others, Jane?" + +"Yes, darling. There is a light in the Oriel chamber. I can see Margery +moving to and fro. She seems to be arranging my things, and giving +final touches. There is also a light in your room, next door. Ah, now +she has gone through. I see her standing and looking round to make sure +all is right. Dear faithful old heart! Garth, how sweet it is to be at +home to-day; served and tended by those who really love us." + +"I am so glad you feel that," said Garth. "I half feared you might +regret not having an ordinary honeymoon--And yet, no! I wasn't really +afraid of that, or of anything. Just, together at last, was all we +wanted. Wasn't it, my wife?" + +"All." + +A clock in the house struck nine. + +"Dear old clock," said Garth, softly. "I used to hear it strike nine, +when I was a little chap in my crib, trying to keep awake until my +mother rustled past; and went into her room. The door between her room +and mine used to stand ajar, and I could see her candle appear in a +long streak upon my ceiling. When I saw that streak, I fell asleep +immediately. It was such a comfort to know she was there; and would not +go down again. Jane, do you like the Oriel chamber?" + +"Yes, dear. It is a lovely room; and very sacred because it was hers. +Do you know, Aunt Georgina insisted upon seeing it, Garth; and said it +ought to be whitened and papered. But I would not hear of that; because +the beautiful old ceiling is hand-painted, and so are the walls; and I +was certain you had loved those paintings, as a little boy; and would +remember them now." + +"Ah, yes," said Garth, eagerly. "A French artist stayed here, and did +them. Water and rushes, and the most lovely flamingoes; those on the +walls standing with their feet in the water; and those on the ceiling, +flying with wings outspread, into a pale green sky, all over white +billowy clouds. Jane, I believe I could walk round that room, +blindfold--no! I mean, as I am now; and point out the exact spot where +each flamingo stands." + +"You shall," said Jane, tenderly. These slips when he talked, +momentarily forgetting his blindness, always wrung her heart. "By +degrees you must tell me all the things you specially did and loved, as +a little boy. I like to know them. Had you always that room, next door +to your mother's?" + +"Ever since I can remember," said Garth. "And the door between was +always open. After my mother's death, I kept it locked. But the night +before my birthday, I used to open it; and when I woke early and saw it +ajar, I would spring up, and go quickly in; and it seemed as if her +dear presence was there to greet me, just on that one morning. But I +had to go quickly, and immediately I wakened; just as you must go out +early to catch the rosy glow of sunrise on the fleeting clouds; or to +see the gossamer webs on the gorse, outlined in diamonds, by the +sparkling summer dew. But, somehow, Margery found out about it; and the +third year there was a sheet of writing-paper firmly stuck to the +pincushion by a large black-headed pin, saying, in Margery's careful +caligraphy: 'Many happy returns of the day, Master Garthie.' It was +very touching, because it was meant to be so comforting and tactful. +But it destroyed the illusion! Since then the door has been kept +closed." + +Another long sweet silence. Two nightingales, in distant trees, sang +alternately; answering one another in liquid streams of melody. + +Again Garth turned the wedding ring; then spoke, with his lips against +it. + +"You said Margery had 'gone through.' Is it open to-night?" he asked. + +Jane clasped both hands behind his head--strong, capable hands, though +now they trembled a little--and pressed his face against her, as she +had done on the terrace at Shenstone, three years before. + +"Yes, my own boy," she said; "it is." + +"Jane! Oh, Jane--" He released himself from the pressure of those +restraining hands, and lifted his adoring face to hers. + +Then, suddenly, Jane broke down. "Ah, darling," she said, "take me away +from this horrible white moonlight! I cannot bear it. It reminds me of +Shenstone. It reminds me of the wrong I did you. It seems a separating +thing between you and me--this cruel brightness which you cannot share." + +Her tears fell on his upturned fate. + +Then Garth sprang to his feet. The sense of manhood and mastery; the +right of control, the joy of possession, arose within him. Even in his +blindness, he was the stronger. Even in his helplessness, for the great +essentials, Jane must lean on him. He raised her gently, put his arms +about her, and stood there, glorified by his great love. + +"Hush, sweetest wife," he said. "Neither light nor darkness can +separate between you and me: This quiet moonlight cannot take you from +me; but in the still, sweet darkness you will feel more completely my +own, because it will hold nothing we cannot share. Come with me to the +library, and we will send away the lamps, and close the curtains; and +you shall sit on the couch near the piano, where you sat, on that +wonderful evening when I found you, and when I almost frightened my +brave Jane. But she will not be frightened now, because she is so my +own; and I may say what I like; and do what I will; and she must not +threaten me with Nurse Rosemary; because it is Jane I want--Jane, Jane; +just ONLY Jane! Come in, beloved; and I, who see as clearly in the dark +as in the light, will sit and play THE ROSARY for you; and then Veni, +Creator Spiritus; and I will sing you the verse which has been the +secret source of peace, and the sustaining power of my whole inner +life, through the long, hard years, apart." + +"Now," whispered Jane. "Now, as we go." + +So Garth drew her hand through his arm; and, as they walked, sang +softly: + + "Enable with perpetual light, + The dulness of our blinded sight; + Anoint and cheer our soiled face + With the abundance of Thy grace. + Keep far our foes; give peace at home; + Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come." + +Thus, leaning on her husband; yet guiding him as she leaned; Jane +passed to the perfect happiness of her wedded home. + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Rosary, by Florence L. Barclay + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ROSARY *** + +***** This file should be named 3659.txt or 3659.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/3/6/5/3659/ + +Produced by Charles Franks and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team. 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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.06/12/01*END* +[Portions of this header are copyright (C) 2001 by Michael S. Hart +and may be reprinted only when these Etexts are free of all fees.] +[Project Gutenberg is a TradeMark and may not be used in any sales +of Project Gutenberg Etexts or other materials be they hardware or +software or any other related product without express permission.] + + + + + +This etext was produced by Charles Franks and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + +The Rosary + +BY + +Florence L. Barclay + + + + +CONTENTS + +CHAPTER + + I ENTER--THE DUCHESS + II INTRODUCES THE HONOURABLE JANE + III THE SURPRISE PACKET + IV JANE VOLUNTEERS + V CONFIDENCES + VI THE VEIL IS LIFTED + VII GARTH FINDS HIS ROSARY + VIII ADDED PEARLS + IX LADY INGLEBY'S HOUSE PARTY + X THE REVELATION + XI GARTH FINDS THE CROSS + XII THE DOCTOR'S PRESCRIPTION + XIII THE ANSWER OF THE SPHINX + XIV IN DERYCK'S SAFE CONTROL + XV THE CONSULTATION + XVI THE DOCTOR FINDS A WAY + XVII ENTER--NURSE ROSEMARY + XVIII THE NAPOLEON OF THE MOORS + XIX THE VOICE IN THE DARKNESS. + XX JANE REPORTS PROGRESS + XXI HARD ON THE SECRETARY + XXII DR. ROB TO THE RESCUE + XXIII THE ONLY WAY + XXIV THE MAN'S POINT OF VIEW + XXV THE DOCTOR's DIAGNOSIS + XXVI HEARTS MEET IN SIGHTLESS LAND + XXVII THE EYES GARTH TRUSTED + XXVIII IN THE STUDIO + XXIX JANE LOOKS INTO LOVES MIRROR + XXX "THE LADY PORTRAYED" + XXXI IN LIGHTER VEIN + XXXII AN INTERLUDE + XXXIII "SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN!" + XXXIV "LOVE NEVER FAILETH" + XXXV NURSE ROSEMARY HAS HER REWARD + XXXVI THE REVELATION OF THE ROSARY + XXXVII "IN THE FACE OF THIS CONGREGATION" +XXXVIII PERPETUAL LIGHT + + + + +THE ROSARY + + + + +CHAPTER I + +ENTER THE DUCHESS. + + +The peaceful stillness of an English summer afternoon brooded over +the park and gardens at Overdene. A hush of moving sunlight and +lengthening shadows lay upon the lawn, and a promise of refreshing +coolness made the shade of the great cedar tree a place to be +desired. + +The old stone house, solid, substantial, and unadorned, suggested +unlimited spaciousness and comfort within; and was redeemed from +positive ugliness without, by the fine ivy, magnolia trees, and +wistaria, of many years' growth, climbing its plain face, and now +covering it with a mantle of soft green, large white blooms, and a +cascade of purple blossom. + +A terrace ran the full length of the house, bounded at one end by a +large conservatory, at the other by an aviary. Wide stone steps, at +intervals, led down from the terrace on to the soft springy turf of +the lawn. Beyond--the wide park; clumps of old trees, haunted by shy +brown deer; and, through the trees, fitful gleams of the river, a +narrow silver ribbon, winding gracefully in and out between long +grass, buttercups, and cow-daisies. + +The sun-dial pointed to four o'clock. + +The birds were having their hour of silence. Not a trill sounded +from among the softly moving leaves, not a chirp, not a twitter. The +stillness seemed almost oppressive. The one brilliant spot of colour +in the landscape was a large scarlet macaw, asleep on his stand +under the cedar. + +At last came the sound of an opening door. A quaint old figure +stepped out on to the terrace, walked its entire length to the +night, and disappeared into the rose-garden. The Duchess of Meldrum +had gone to cut her roses. + +She wore an ancient straw hat, of the early-Victorian shape known as +"mushroom," tied with black ribbons beneath her portly chin; a loose +brown holland coat; a very short tweed skirt, and Engadine +"gouties." She had on some very old gauntlet gloves, and carried a +wooden basket and a huge pair of scissors. + +A wag had once remarked that if you met her Grace of Meldrum +returning from gardening or feeding her poultry, and were in a +charitable frame of mind, you would very likely give her sixpence. +But, after you had thus drawn her attention to yourself and she +looked at you, Sir Walter Raleigh's cloak would not be in it! Your +one possible course would be to collapse into the mud, and let the +ducal "gouties" trample on you. This the duchess would do with +gusto; then accept your apologies with good nature; and keep your +sixpence, to show when she told the story. + +The duchess lived alone; that is to say, she had no desire for the +perpetual companionship of any of her own kith and kin, nor for the +constant smiles and flattery of a paid companion. Her pale daughter, +whom she had systematically snubbed, had married; her handsome son, +whom she had adored and spoiled, had prematurely died, before the +death, a few years since, of Thomas, fifth Duke of Meldrum. He had +come to a sudden and, as the duchess often remarked, very suitable +end; for, on his sixty-second birthday, clad in all the splendours +of his hunting scarlet, top hat, and buff corduroy breeches, the +mare he was mercilessly putting at an impossible fence suddenly +refused, and Thomas, Duke of Meldrum, shot into a field of turnips; +pitched upon his head, and spoke no more. + +This sudden cessation of his noisy and fiery life meant a complete +transformation in the entourage of the duchess. Hitherto she had had +to tolerate the boon companions, congenial to himself, with whom he +chose to fill the house; or to invite those of her own friends to +whom she could explain Thomas, and who suffered Thomas gladly, out +of friendship for her, and enjoyment of lovely Overdene. But even +then the duchess had no pleasure in her parties; for, quaint rough +diamond though she herself might appear, the bluest of blue blood +ran in her veins; and, though her manner had the off-hand abruptness +and disregard of other people's feelings not unfrequently found in +old ladies of high rank, she was at heart a true gentlewoman, and +could always be trusted to say and do the right thing in moments of +importance: The late duke's language had been sulphurous and his +manners Georgian; and when he had been laid in the unwonted quiet of +his ancestral vault--"so unlike him, poor dear," as the duchess +remarked, "that it is quite a comfort to know he is not really +there"--her Grace looked around her, and began to realise the +beauties and possibilities of Overdene. + +At first she contented herself with gardening, making an aviary, and +surrounding herself with all sorts of queer birds and beasts; upon +whom she lavished the affection which, of late years, had known no +human outlet. + +But after a while her natural inclination to hospitality, her +humorous enjoyment of other people's foibles, and a quaint delight +in parading her own, led to constant succession of house-parties at +Overdene, which soon became known as a Liberty Hall of varied +delights where you always met the people you most wanted to meet, +found every facility for enjoying your favourite pastime, were fed +and housed in perfect style, and spent some of the most ideal days +of your summer, or cheery days of your winter, never dull, never +bored, free to come and go as you pleased, and everything seasoned +everybody with the delightful "sauce piquante" of never being quite +sure what the duchess would do or say next. + +She mentally arranged her parties under three heads--"freak +parties," "mere people parties," and "best parties." A "best party" +was in progress on the lovely June day when the duchess, having +enjoyed an unusually long siesta, donned what she called her "garden +togs" and sallied forth to cut roses. + +As she tramped along the terrace and passed through the little iron +gate leading to the rose-garden, Tommy, the scarlet macaw, opened +one eye and watched her; gave a loud kiss as she reached the gate +and disappeared from view, then laughed to himself and went to sleep +again. + +Of all the many pets, Tommy was prime favourite. He represented the +duchess's one concession to morbid sentiment. After the demise of +the duke she had found it so depressing to be invariably addressed +with suave deference by every male voice she heard. If the butler +could have snorted, or the rector have rapped out an uncomplimentary +adjective, the duchess would have felt cheered. As it was, a fixed +and settled melancholy lay upon her spirit until she saw in a +dealer's list an advertisement of a prize macaw, warranted a grand +talker, with a vocabulary of over five hundred words. + +The duchess went immediately to town, paid a visit to the dealer, +heard a few of the macaw's words and the tone in which he said them, +bought him on the spot, and took him down to Overdene. The first +evening he sat crossly on the perch of his grand new stand, +declining to say a single one of his five hundred words, though the +duchess spent her evening in the hall, sitting in every possible +place; first close to him; then, away in a distant corner; in an +arm-chair placed behind a screen; reading, with her back turned, +feigning not to notice him; facing him with concentrated attention. +Tommy merely clicked his tongue at her every time she emerged from a +hiding-place; or, if the rather worried butler or nervous under- +footman passed hurriedly through the hall, sent showers of kisses +after them, and then went into fits of ventriloquial laughter. The +duchess, in despair, even tried reminding him in a whisper of the +remarks he had made in the shop; but Tommy only winked at her and +put his claw over his beak. Still, she enjoyed his flushed and +scarlet appearance, and retired to rest hopeful and in no wise +regretting her bargain. + +The next morning it became instantly evident to the house-maid who +swept the hall, the footman who sorted the letters, and the butler +who sounded the breakfast gong, that a good night's rest had +restored to Tommy the full use of his vocabulary. And when the +duchess came sailing down the stairs, ten minutes after the gong had +sounded, and Tommy, flapping his wings angrily, shrieked at her: +"Now then, old girl! Come on!" she went to breakfast in a more +cheerful mood than she had known for months past. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +INTRODUCES THE HONOURABLE JANE + + +The only one of her relatives who practically made her home with the +duchess was her niece and former ward, the Honourable Jane Champion; +and this consisted merely in the fact that the Honourable Jane was +the one person who might invite herself to Overdene or Portland +Place, arrive when she chose, stay as long as she pleased, and leave +when it suited her convenience. On the death of her father, when her +lonely girlhood in her Norfolk home came to an end, she would gladly +have filled the place of a daughter to the duchess. But the duchess +did not require a daughter; and a daughter with pronounced views, +plenty of back-bone of her own, a fine figure, and a plain face, +would have seemed to her Grace of Meldrum a peculiarly undesirable +acquisition. So Jane was given to understand that she might come +whenever she liked, and stay as long as she liked, but on the same +footing as other people. This meant liberty to come and go as she +pleased; and no responsibility towards her aunt's guests. The +duchess preferred managing her own parties in her oven way. + +Jane Champion was now in her thirtieth year. She had once been +described, by one who saw below the surface, as a perfectly +beautiful woman in an absolutely plain shell; and no man had as yet +looked beneath the shell, and seen the woman in her perfection. She +would have made earth heaven for a blind lover who, not having eyes +for the plainness of her face or the massiveness of her figure, +might have drawn nearer, and apprehended the wonder of her as a +woman, experiencing the wealth of tenderness of which she was +capable, the blessed comfort of the shelter of her love, the perfect +comprehension of her sympathy, the marvellous joy of winning and +wedding her. But as yet, no blind man with far-seeing vision had +come her way; and it always seemed to be her lot to take a second +place, on occasions when she would have filled the first to infinite +perfection. + +She had been bridesmaid at weddings where the charming brides, +notwithstanding their superficial loveliness, possessed few of the +qualifications for wifehood with which she was so richly endowed. + +She was godmother to her friends' babies, she, whose motherhood +would have been a thing for wonder and worship. + +She had a glorious voice, but her face not matching it, its +existence was rarely suspected; and as she accompanied to +perfection, she was usually in requisition to play for the singing +of others. + +In short, all her life long Jane had filled second places, and +filled them very contentedly. She had never known what it was to be +absolutely first with any one. Her mother's death had occurred +during her infancy, so that she had not even the most shadowy +remembrance of that maternal love and tenderness which she used +sometimes to try to imagine, although she had never experienced it. + +Her mother's maid, a faithful and devoted woman, dismissed soon +after the death of her mistress, chancing to be in the neighbourhood +some twelve years later, called at the manor, in the hope of finding +some in the household who remembered her. + +After tea, Fraulein and Miss Jebb being out of the way, she was +spirited up into the schoolroom to see Miss Jane, her heart full of +memories of the "sweet babe" upon whom she and her dear lady had +lavished so much love and care. + +She found awaiting her a tall, plain girl with a frank, boyish +manner and a rather disconcerting way as she afterwards remarked, of +"taking stock of a body the while one was a-talking," which at first +checked the flow of good Sarah's reminiscences, poured forth so +freely in the housekeeper's room below, and reduced her to looking +tearfully around the room, remarking that she remembered choosing +the blessed wall-paper with her dear lady now gone, whose joy had +been so great when the dear babe first took notice and reached up +for the roses. "And I can show you, miss, if you care to know it +just which bunch of roses it were." + +But before Sarah's visit was over, Jane had heard many undreamed-of- +things; amongst others, that her mother used to kiss her little +hands, "ah, many a time she, did, miss; called them little rose- +petals, and covered them with kisses." + +The child, utterly unused to any demonstrations of affection, looked +at her rather ungainly brown hands and laughed, simply because she +was ashamed of the unwonted tightening at her throat and the queer +stinging of tears beneath her eyelids. Thus Sarah departed under the +impression that Miss Jane had grown up into a rather a heartless +young lady. But Fraulein and Jebbie never knew why, from that day +onward, the hands, of which they had so often had cause to complain, +were kept scrupulously clean; and on her birthday night, unashamed +in the quiet darkness, the lonely little child kissed her own hands +beneath the bedclothes, striving thus to reach the tenderness of her +dead mother's lips. + +And in after years, when she became her own mistress, one of her +first actions was to advertise for Sarah Matthews and engage her as +her own maid, at a salary which enabled the good woman eventually to +buy herself a comfortable annuity. + +Jane saw but little of her father, who had found it difficult to +forgive her, firstly, for being a girl when he desired a son; +secondly, being a girl, for having inherited his plainness rather +than her mother's beauty. Parents are apt to see no injustice in the +fact that they are often annoyed with their offspring for possessing +attributes, both of character and appearance, with which they +themselves have endowed them. + +The hero of Jane's childhood, the chum of her girlhood and the close +friend of her maturer years, was Deryck Brand, only son of the +rector of the parish, and her senior by nearly ten years. But even +in their friendship, close though it was, she had never felt herself +first to him. As a medical student, at home during vacations, his +mother and his profession took precedence in his mind of the lonely +child, whose devotion pleased him and whose strong character and +original mental development interested him. Later on he married a +lovely girl, as unlike Jane as one woman could possibly be to +another; but still their friendship held and deepened; and now, when +he was rapidly advancing to the very front rank of his profession, +her appreciation of his work, and sympathetic understanding of his +aims and efforts, meant more to him than even the signal mark of +royal favour, of which he had lately been the recipient. + +Jane Champion had no close friends amongst the women of her set. Her +lonely girlhood had bred in her an absolute frankness towards +herself and other people which made it difficult for her to +understand or tolerate the little artificialities of society, or the +trivial weaknesses of her own sex. Women to whom she had shown +special kindness--and they were many--maintained an attitude of +grateful admiration in her presence, and of cowardly silence in her +absence when she chanced to be under discussion. + +But of men friends she had many, especially among a set of young +fellows just through college, of whom she made particular chums; +nice lads, who wrote to her of their college and mess-room scrapes, +as they would never have dreamed of doing to their own mothers. She +knew perfectly well that they called her "old Jane" and "pretty +Jane" and "dearest Jane" amongst themselves, but she believed in the +harmlessness of their fun and the genuineness of their affection, +and gave them a generous amount of her own in return. + +Jane Champion happened just now to be paying one of her long visits +to Overdene, and was playing golf with a boy for whom she had long +had a rod in pickle on this summer afternoon when the duchess went +to cut blooms in her rose-garden. Only, as Jane found out, you +cannot decorously lead up to a scolding if you are very keen on +golf, and go golfing with a person who is equally enthusiastic, and +who all the way to the links explains exactly how he played every +hole the last time he went round, and all the way back gloats over, +in retrospection, the way you and he have played every hole this +time. + +So Jane considered her afternoon, didactically, a failure. But, in +the smoking-room that night, young Cathcart explained the game all +over again to a few choice spirits, and then remarked: "Old Jane was +superb! Fancy! Such a drive as that, and doing number seven in three +and not talking about it! I've jolly well made up my mind to send no +more bouquets to Tou-Tou. Hang it, boys! You can't see yourself at +champagne suppers with a dancing-woman, when you've walked round the +links, on a day like this, with the Honourable Jane. She drives like +a rifle shot, and when she lofts, you'd think the ball was a +swallow; and beat me three holes up and never mentioned it. By Jove, +a fellow wants to have a clean bill when he shakes hands with her!" + + + + +CHAPTER III + +THE SURPRISE PACKET + + +The sun-dial pointed to half past four o'clock. The hour of silence +appeared to be over. The birds commenced twittering; and a cuckoo, +in an adjacent wood, sounded his note at intervals. + +The house awoke to sudden life. There was an opening and shutting of +doors. Two footmen, in the mulberry and silver of the Meldrum +livery, hurried down from the terrace, carrying folding tea-tables, +with which they supplemented those of rustic oak standing +permanently under the cedar. One, promptly returned to the house; +while the other remained behind, spreading snowy cloths over each +table. + + + +The macaw awoke, stretched his wings and flapped them twice, then +sidled up and down his perch, concentrating his attention upon the +footman. + +"Mind!" he exclaimed suddenly, in the butler's voice, as a cloth, +flung on too hurriedly, fluttered to the grass. + +"Hold your jaw!" said the young footman irritably, flicking the bird +with the table-cloth, and then glancing furtively at the rose- +garden. + +"Tommy wants a gooseberry!" shrieked the macaw, dodging the table- +cloth and hanging, head downwards, from his perch. + +"Don't you wish you may get it?" said the footman viciously. + +"Give it him, somebody," remarked Tommy, in the duchess's voice. + +The footman started, and looked over his shoulder; then hurriedly +told Tommy just what he thought of him, and where he wished him; +cuffed him soundly, and returned to the house, followed by peals of +laughter, mingled with exhortations and imprecations from the angry +bird, who danced up and down on his perch until his enemy had +vanished from view. + +A few minutes later the tables were spread with the large variety of +eatables considered necessary at an English afternoon tea; the +massive silver urn and teapots gleamed on the buffet-table, behind +which the old butler presided; muffins, crumpets, cakes, and every +kind of sandwich supplemented the dainty little rolled slices of +white and brown bread-and-butter, while heaped-up bowls of freshly +gathered strawberries lent a touch of colour to the artistic effect +of white and silver. When all was ready, the butler raised his hand +and sounded an old Chinese gong hanging in the cedar tree. Before +the penetrating boom had died away, voices were heard in the +distance from all over the grounds. + +Up from the river, down from the tennis courts, out from house and +garden, came the duchess's guests, rejoicing in the refreshing +prospect of tea, hurrying to the welcome shade of the cedar;-- +charming women in white, carefully guarding their complexions +beneath shady hats and picturesque parasols;--delightful girls, who +had long ago sacrificed complexions to comfort, and now walked +across the lawn bareheaded, swinging their rackets and discussing +the last hard-fought set; men in flannels, sunburned and handsome, +joining in the talk and laughter; praising their partners, while +remaining unobtrusively silent as to their own achievements. + +They made a picturesque group as they gathered under the tree, +subsiding with immense satisfaction into the low wicker chairs, or +on to the soft turf, and helping themselves to what they pleased. +When all were supplied with tea, coffee, or iced drinks, to their +liking, conversation flowed again. + +"So the duchess's concert comes off to-night," remarked some one. "I +wish to goodness they would hang this tree with Chinese lanterns +and, have it out here. It is too hot to face a crowded function +indoors." + +"Oh, that's all right," said Garth Dalmain, "I'm stage-manager, you +know; and I can promise you that all the long windows opening on to +the terrace shall stand wide. So no one need be in the concert-room, +who prefers to stop outside. There will be a row of lounge chairs +placed on the terrace near the windows. You won't see much; but you +will hear, perfectly." + +"Ah, but half the fun is in seeing," exclaimed one of the tennis +girls. "People who have remained on the terrace will miss all the +point of it afterwards when the dear duchess shows us how everybody +did it. I don't care how hot it is. Book me a seat in the front +row!" + +"Who is the surprise packet to-night?" asked Lady Ingleby, who had +arrived since luncheon. + +"Velma," said Mary Strathern. "She is coming for the week-end, and +delightful it will be to have her. No one but the duchess could have +worked it, and no place but Overdene would have tempted her. She +will sing only one song at the concert; but she is sure to break +forth later on, and give us plenty. We will persuade Jane to drift +to the piano accidentally and play over, just by chance, the opening +bars of some of Velma's best things, and we shall soon hear the +magic voice. She never can resist a perfectly played accompaniment." + +"Why call Madame Velma the `surprise packet'?" asked a girl, to whom +the Overdene "best parties" were a new experience. + +"That, my dear," replied Lady Ingleby, "is a little joke of the +duchess's. This concert is arranged for the amusement of her house +party, and for the gratification and glorification of local +celebrities. The whole neighbourhood is invited. None of you are +asked to perform, but local celebrities are. In fact they furnish +the entire programme, to their own delight, the satisfaction of +their friends and relatives, and our entertainment, particularly +afterwards when the duchess takes us through every item, with +original notes, comments, and impersonations. Oh, Dal! Do you +remember when she tucked a sheet of white writing-paper into her +tea-gown for a dog collar, and took off the high-church curate +nervously singing a comic song? Then at the very end, you see--and +really some of it is quite good for amateurs--she trots out Velma, +or some equally perfect artiste, to show them how it really can be +done; and suddenly the place is full of music, and a great hush +falls on the audience, and the poor complacent amateurs realise that +the noise they have been making was, after all, not music; and they +go dumbly home. But they have forgotten all about it by the +following year; or a fresh contingent of willing performers steps +into the breach. The duchess's little joke always comes off." + +"The Honourable Jane does not approve of it," said young Ronald +Ingram; "therefore she is generally given marching orders and +departs to her next visit before the event. But no one can accompany +Madame Velma so perfectly, so this time she is commanded to stay. +But I doubt if the 'surprise packet' will come off with quite such a +shock as usual, and I am certain the fun won't be so good +afterwards. The Honourable Jane has been known to jump on the +duchess for that sort of thing. She is safe to get the worst of it +at the time, but it has a restraining effect afterwards." + +"I think Miss Champion is quite right," said a bright-faced American +girl, bravely, holding a gold spoon poised for a moment over the +strawberry ice-cream with which Garth Dalmain had supplied her. + +"In my country we should call it real mean to laugh, at people who +had been our guests and performed in our houses." + +"In your country, my dear," said Myra Ingleby, "you have no +duchesses." + +"Well, we supply you with quite a good few, "replied the American +girl calmly, and went on with her ice. + +A general laugh followed; and the latest Anglo-American match came +up for discussion. + +"Where is the Honourable Jane?" inquired someone presently. + +"Golfing with Billy," said Ronald Ingram. "Ah, here they come." + +Jane's tall figure was seen, walking along the terrace, accompanied +by Billy Cathcart, talking eagerly. They put their clubs away in the +lower hall; then came down the lawn together to the tea-tables. + +Jane wore a tailor-made coat and skirt of grey tweed, a blue and +white cambric shirt, starched linen collar and cuffs, a silk tie, +and a soft felt hat with a few black quills in it. She walked with +the freedom of movement and swing of limb which indicate great +strength and a body well under control. Her appearance was +extraordinarily unlike that of all the pretty and graceful women +grouped beneath the cedar tree. And yet it was in no sense +masculine--or, to use a more appropriate word, mannish; for +everything strong is masculine; but a woman who apes an appearance +of strength which she does not possess, is mannish;--rather was it +so truly feminine that she could afford to adopt a severe simplicity +of attire, which suited admirably the decided plainness of her +features, and the almost massive proportions of her figure. + +She stepped into the circle beneath the cedar, and took one of the +half-dozen places immediately vacated by the men, with the complete +absence of self-consciousness which always characterised her. + +"What did you go round in, Miss Champion?" inquired one of the men. + +"My ordinary clothes," replied Jane; quoting Punch, and evading the +question. + +But Billy burst out: "She went round in--" + +"Oh, be quiet, Billy," interposed Jane. "You and I are practically +the only golf maniacs present. Most of these dear people are even +ignorant as to who 'bogie' is, or why we should be so proud of +beating him. Where is my aunt? Poor Simmons was toddling all over +the place when we went in to put away our clubs, searching for her +with a telegram." + +"Why didn't you open it?" asked Myra. + +"Because my aunt never allows her telegrams to be opened. She loves +shocks; and there is always the possibility of a telegram containing +startling news. She says it completely spoils it if some one else +knows it first, and breaks it to her gently." + +"Here comes the duchess," said Garth Dalmain, who was sitting where +he could see the little gate into the rose-garden. + +"Do not mention the telegram," cautioned Jane. "It would not please +her that I should even know of its arrival. It would be a shame to +take any of the bloom off the unexpected delight of a wire on this +hot day, when nothing unusual seemed likely to happen." + +They turned and looked towards the duchess as she bustled across the +lawn; this quaint old figure, who had called them together; who +owned the lovely place where they were spending such delightful +days; and whose odd whimsicalities had been so freely discussed +while they drank her tea and feasted off her strawberries. The men +rose as she approached, but not quite so spontaneously as they had +done for her niece. + +The duchess carried a large wooden basket filled to overflowing with +exquisite roses. Every bloom was perfect, and each had been cut at +exactly the right moment. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +JANE VOLUNTEERS + + +The duchess plumped down her basket in the middle of the strawberry +table. + +"There, good people!" she said, rather breathlessly. "Help +yourselves, and let me see you all wearing roses to-night. And the +concert-room is to be a bower of roses. We will call it 'LA FETE DES +ROSES.' . . . No, thank you, Ronnie. That tea has been made half an +hour at least, and you ought to love me too well to press it upon +me. Besides, I never take tea. I have a whiskey and soda when I wake +from my nap, and that sustains me until dinner. Oh yes, my dear +Myra, I know I came to your interesting meeting, and signed that +excellent pledge 'POUR ENCOURAGER LES AUTRES'; but I drove straight +to my doctor when I left your house, and he gave me a certificate to +say I MUST take something when I needed it; and I always need it +when I wake from my nap. . . . Really, Dal, it is positively wicked +for any man, off the stage, to look as picturesque as you do, in +that pale violet shirt, and dark violet tie, and those white +flannels. If I were your grandmother I should send you in to take +them off. If you turn the heads of old dowagers such as I am, what +chance have all these chickens? . . . Hush, Tommy! That was a very +naughty word! And you need not be jealous of Dal. I admire you still +more. Dal, will you paint my scarlet macaw?" + +The young artist, whose portraits in that year's Academy had created +much interest in the artistic world, and whose violet shirt had just +been so severely censured, lay back in his lounge-chair, with his +arms behind his head and a gleam of amusement in his bright brown +eyes. + +"No, dear Duchess," he said. "I beg respectfully to decline the +commission, Tommy would require a Landseer to do full justice to his +attitudes and expression. Besides, it would be demoralising to an +innocent and well-brought-up youth, such as you know me to be, to +spend long hours in Tommy's society, listening to the remarks that +sweet bird would make while I painted him. But I will tell you what +I will do. I will paint you, dear Duchess, only not in that hat! +Ever since I was quite a small boy, a straw hat with black ribbons +tied under the chin has made me feel ill. If I yielded to my natural +impulses now, I should hide my face in Miss Champion's lap, and kick +and scream until you took it off. I will paint you in the black +velvet gown you wore last night, with the Medici collar; and the +jolly arrangement of lace and diamonds on your head. And in your +hand you shall hold an antique crystal mirror, mounted in silver." + +The artist half closed his eyes, and as he described his picture in +a voice full of music and mystery, an attentive hush fell upon the +gay group around him. When Garth Dalmain described his pictures, +people saw them. When they walked into the Academy or the New +Gallery the following year, they would say: "Ah, there it is! just +as we saw it that day, before a stroke of it was on the canvas." + +"In your left hand, you shall hold the mirror, but you shall not be +looking into it; because you never look into mirrors, dear Duchess, +excepting to see whether the scolding you are giving your maid, as +she stands behind you, is making her cry; and whether that is why +she is being so clumsy in her manipulation of pins and things. If it +is, you promptly promise her a day off, to go and see her old +mother; and pay her journey there and back. If it isn't, you scold +her some more. Were I the maid, I should always cry, large tears +warranted to show in the glass; only I should not sniff, because +sniffing is so intensely aggravating; and I should be most +frightfully careful that my tears did not run down your neck." + +"Dal, you ridiculous CHILD!" said the duchess. "Leave off talking +about my maids, and my neck, and your crocodile tears, and finish +describing the portrait. What do I do, with the mirror?" + +"You do not look into it," continued Garth Dalmain, meditatively; +"because we KNOW that is a thing you never do. Even when you put on +that hat, and tie those ribbons--Miss Champion, I wish you would +hold my hand--in a bow under your chin, you don't consult the +mirror. But you shall sit with it in your left hand, your elbow +resting on an Eastern table of black ebony inlaid with mother-of- +pearl. You will turn it from you, so that it reflects something +exactly in front of you in the imaginary foreground. You will be +looking at this unseen object with an expression of sublime +affection. And in the mirror I will paint a vivid, brilliant, +complete reflection, minute, but perfect in every detail, of your +scarlet macaw on his perch. We will call it 'Reflections,' because +one must always give a silly up-to-date title to pictures, and just +now one nondescript word is the fashion, unless you feel it needful +to attract to yourself the eye of the public, in the catalogue, by +calling your picture twenty lines of Tennyson. But when the portrait +goes down to posterity as a famous picture, it will figure in the +catalogue of the National Gallery as 'The Duchess, the Mirror, and +the Macaw.'" + +"Bravo!" said the duchess, delighted. "You shall paint it, Dal, in +time for next year's Academy, and we will all go and see it." + +And he did. And they all went. And when they saw it they said: "Ah, +of course! There it is; just as we saw it under the cedar at +Overdene." + +"Here comes Simmons with something on a salver," exclaimed the +duchess. "How that man waddles! Why can't somebody teach him to step +out? Jane! You march across this lawn like a grenadier. Can't you +explain to Simmons how it's done? . . . Well? What is it? Ha! A +telegram. Now what horrible thing can have happened? Who would like +to guess? I hope it is not merely some idiot who has missed a +train." + +Amid a breathless and highly satisfactory silence, the duchess tore +open the orange envelope. + +Apparently the shock was of a thorough, though not enjoyable, kind; +for the duchess, at all times highly coloured, became purple as she +read, and absolutely inarticulate with indignation. Jane rose +quietly, looked over her aunt's shoulder, read the long message, and +returned to her seat. + +"Creature!" exclaimed the duchess, at last. "Oh, creature! This +comes of asking them as friends. And I had a lovely string of pearls +for her, worth far more than she would have been offered, +professionally, for one song. And to fail at the last minute! Oh, +CREATURE!" + +"Dear aunt," said Jane, "if poor Madame Velma has a sudden attack of +laryngitis, she could not possibly sing a note, even had the Queen +commanded her. Her telegram is full of regrets." + +"Don't argue, Jane!" exclaimed the duchess, crossly. "And don't drag +in the Queen, who has nothing to do with my concert or Velma's +throat. I do abominate irrelevance, and you know it! WHY must she +have her what--do--you--call--it, just when she was coming to sing +here? In my young days people never had these new-fangled +complaints. I have no patience with all this appendicitis and what +not--cutting people open at every possible excuse. In my young days +we called it a good old-fashioned stomach-ache, and gave them Turkey +rhubarb!" + +Myra Ingleby hid her face behind her garden hat; and Garth Dalmain +whispered to Jane: "I do abominate irrelevance, and you know it!" +But Jane shook her head at him, and refused to smile. + +"Tommy wants a gooseberry!" shouted the macaw, having apparently +noticed the mention of rhubarb. + +"Oh, give it him, somebody!" said the worried duchess. + +"Dear aunt," said Jane, "there are no gooseberries." + +"Don't argue, girl!" cried the duchess, furiously; and Garth, +delighted, shook his head at Jane. "When he says 'gooseberry,' he +means anything GREEN, as you very well know!" + +Half a dozen people hastened to Tommy with lettuce, water-cress, and +cucumber sandwiches; and Garth picked one blade of grass, and handed +it to Jane; with an air of anxious solicitude; but Jane ignored it. + +"No answer, Simmons," said the duchess. "Why don't you go? . . . Oh, +how that man waddles! Teach him to walk, somebody! Now the question +is, What is to be done? Here is half the county coming to hear +Velma, by my invitation; and Velma in London pretending to have +appendicitis--no, I mean the other thing. Oh, 'drat the woman!' as +that clever bird would say." + +"Hold your jaw!" shouted Tommy. The duchess smiled, and consented to +sit down. + +"But, dear Duchess," suggested Garth in his most soothing voice, +"the county does not know Madame Velma was to be here. It was a +profound secret. You were to trot her out at the end. Lady Ingleby +called her your 'surprise packet.'" + + Myra came out from behind her garden hat, and the duchess nodded at +her approvingly. + + "Quite true," she said. "That was the lovely part of it. Oh, +creature!" + + "But, dear Duchess," pursued Garth persuasively;. "if the county +did not know, the county will not be disappointed. They are coming +to listen to one another, and to hear themselves, and to enjoy your +claret-cup and ices. All this they will do, and go away delighted, +saying how cleverly the dear duchess, discovers and exploits local +talent." + +"Ah, ha!" said the duchess, with a gleam in the hawk eye, and a +raising of the hooked nose-which Mrs. Parker Bangs of Chicago, who +had met the duchess once or twice, described as "genuine +Plantagenet"--"but they will go away wise in their own conceits, and +satisfied with their own mediocre performances. My idea is to let +them do it, and then show them how it should be done." + +"But Aunt 'Gina," said Jane, gently; "surely you forget that most of +these people have been to town and heard plenty of good music, +Madame Velma herself most likely, and all the great singers. They +know they cannot sing like a prima donna; but they do their anxious +best, because you ask them. I cannot see that they require an object +lesson" + +"Jane," said the duchess, "for the third time this afternoon I must +request you not to argue." + +"Miss Champion," said Garth Dalmain, "if I were your grandmamma, I +should send you to bed." + +"What is to be done?" reiterated the duchess. "She was to sing THE +ROSARY. I had set my heart on it. The whole decoration of the room +is planned to suit that song--festoons of white roses; and a great +red-cross at the back of the platform, made entirely of crimson +ramblers. Jane!" + +"Yes, aunt." + +"Oh, don't say 'Yes, aunt,' in that senseless way! Can't you make +some suggestion?" + +"Drat the woman!" exclaimed Tommy, suddenly. + +"Hark to that sweet bird!" cried the duchess, her good humour fully +restored. "Give him a strawberry, somebody. Now, Jane, what do you +suggest?" + +Jane Champion was seated with her broad back half turned to her +aunt, one knee crossed over the other, her large, capable hands +clasped round it. She loosed her hands, turned slowly round, and +looked into the keen eyes peering at her from under the mushroom +hat. As she read the half-resentful, half-appealing demand in them, +a slow smile dawned in her own. She waited a moment to make sure of +the duchess's meaning, then said quietly: "I will sing THE ROSARY +for you, in Velma's place, to-night, if you really wish it, aunt." + +Had the gathering under the tree been a party of "mere people," it +would have gasped. Had it been a "freak party," it would have been +loud-voiced in its expressions of surprise. Being a "best party," it +gave no outward sign; but a sense of blank astonishment, purely +mental, was in the air. The duchess herself was the only person +present who had heard Jane Champion sing. + +"Have you the song?" asked her Grace of Meldrum, rising, and picking +up her telegram and empty basket. + +"I have," said Jane. "I spent a few hours with Madame Blanche when I +was in town last month; and she, who so rarely admires these modern +songs, was immensely taken with it. She sang it, and allowed me to +accompany her. We spent nearly an hour over it. I obtained a copy +afterwards." + +"Good," said the duchess. "Then I count on you. Now I must send a +sympathetic telegram to that poor dear Velma, who will be fretting +at having to fail us. So 'au revoir,' good people. Remember, we dine +punctually at eight o'clock. Music is supposed to begin at nine. +Ronnie, be a kind boy, and carry Tommy into the hall for me. He will +screech so fearfully if he sees me walk away without him. He is so +very loving, dear bird!" + +Silence under the cedar. + +Most people were watching young Ronald, holding the stand as much at +arm's length as possible; while Tommy, keeping his balance +wonderfully, sidled up close to him, evidently making confidential +remarks into Ronnie's terrified ear. The duchess walked on before, +quite satisfied with the new turn events had taken. + +One or two people were watching Jane. + +"It is very brave of you," said Myra Ingleby, at length. "I would +offer to play your accompaniment, dear; but I can only manage Au +clair de la lune, and Three Blind Mice, with one finger." + +"And I would offer to play your accompaniment, dear," said Garth +Dalmain, "if you were going to sing Lassen's Allerseelen, for I play +that quite beautifully with ten fingers! It is an education only to +hear the way I bring out the tolling of the cemetery chapel bell +right through the song. The poor thing with the bunch of purple +heather can never get away from it. Even in the grand crescendo, +appassionata, fortissimo, when they discover that 'in death's dark +valley this is Holy Day,' I give then no holiday from that bell. I +don't know what it did 'once in May.' It tolls all the time, with +maddening persistence, in my accompaniment. But I have seen The +Rosary, and I dare not face those chords. To begin with, you start +in every known flat; and before you have gone far you have gathered +unto yourself handfuls of known and unknown sharps, to which you +cling, not daring to let them go, lest they should be wanted again +the next moment. Alas, no! When it is a question of accompanying The +Rosary, I must say, as the old farmer at the tenants' dinner the +other day said to the duchess when she pressed upon him a third +helping of pudding: 'Madam, I CANNOT!'" + +"Don't be silly, Dal," said Jane. "You could accompany The Rosary +perfectly, if I wanted it done. But, as it happens, I prefer +accompanying myself." + +"Ah," said Lady Ingleby, sympathetically, "I quite understand that. +It would be such a relief all the time to know that if things seemed +going wrong, you could stop the other part, and give yourself the +note." + +The only two real musicians present glanced at each other, and a +gleam of amusement passed between them. + +"It certainly would be useful, if necessary," said Jane. + +"_I_ would 'stop the other part' and 'give you the note,'" said +Garth, demurely. + +"I am sure you would," said Jane. "You are always so very kind. But +I prefer to keep the matter in my own hands." + +"You realise the difficulty of making the voice carry in a place of +that size unless you can stand and face the audience?" Garth Dalmain +spoke anxiously. Jane was a special friend of his, and he had a +man's dislike of the idea of his chum failing in anything, publicly. + +The same quiet smile dawned in Jane's eyes and passed to her lips as +when she had realised that her aunt meant her to volunteer in +Velma's place. She glanced around. Most of the party had wandered +off in twos and threes, some to the house, others back to the river. +She and Dal and Myra were practically alone. Her calm eyes were full +of quiet amusement as she steadfastly met the anxious look in +Garth's, and answered his question. + +"Yes, I know. But the acoustic properties of the room are very +perfect, and I have learned to throw my voice. Perhaps you may not +know--in fact, how should you know?--but I have had the immense +privilege of studying with Madame Marchesi in Paris, and of keeping +up to the mark since by an occasional delightful hour with her no +less gifted daughter in London. So I ought to know all there is to +know about the management of a voice, if I have at all adequately +availed myself of such golden opportunities." + +These quiet words were Greek to Myra, conveying no more to her mind +than if Jane had said: "I have been learning Tonic sol-fa." In fact, +not quite so much, seeing that Lady Ingleby had herself once tried +to master the Tonic sol-fa system in order to instruct her men and +maids in part-singing. It was at a time when she owned a distinctly +musical household. The second footman possessed a fine barytone. The +butler could "do a little bass," which is to say that, while the +other parts soared to higher regions, he could stay on the bottom +note if carefully placed there, and told to remain. The head +housemaid sang what she called "seconds"; in other words, she +followed along, slightly behind the trebles as regarded time, and a +major third below them as regarded pitch. The housekeeper, a large, +dark person with a fringe on her upper lip, unshaven and unashamed, +produced a really remarkable effect by singing the air an octave +below the trebles. Unfortunately Lady Ingleby was apt to confuse her +with the butler. Myra herself was the first to admit that she had +not "much ear"; but it was decidedly trying, at a moment when she +dared not remove her eyes from the accompaniment of Good King +Wenceslas, to have called out: "Stay where you are, Jenkins!" and +then find it was Mrs. Jarvis who had been travelling upwards. But +when a new footman, engaged by Lord Ingleby with no reference to his +musical gifts, chanced to possess a fine throaty tenor, Myra felt +she really had material with which great things might be +accomplished, and decided herself to learn the Tonic sol-fa system. +She easily mastered mi, re, do, and so, fa, fa, mi, because these +represented the opening lines of Three Blind Mice, always a musical +landmark to Myra. But when it came to the fugue-like intricacies in +the theme of "They all ran after the farmer's wife," Lady Ingleby +was lost without the words to cling to, and gave up the Tonic sol-fa +system in despair. + +So the name of the greatest teacher of singing of this age did not +convey much to Myra's mind. But Garth Dalmain sat up. + +"I say! No wonder you take it coolly. Why, Velma herself was a pupil +of the great madame." + +"That is how it happens that I know her rather well," said Jane. "I +am here to-day because I was to have played her accompaniment." + +"I see," said Garth. "And now you have to do both. 'Land's sake!' as +Mrs. Parker Bangs says when you explain who's who at a Marlborough +House garden party. But you prefer playing other people's +accompaniments, to singing yourself, don't you?" + +Jane's slow smile dawned again. + +"I prefer singing," she said, "but accompanying is more useful." + +"Of course it is," said Garth. "Heaps of people can sing a little, +but very few can accompany properly." "Jane," said Myra, her grey +eyes looking out lazily from under their long black lashes, "if you +have had singing lessons, and know some songs, why hasn't the +duchess turned you on to sing to us before this?" + +"For a sad reason," Jane replied. "You know her only son died eight +years ago? He was such a handsome, talented fellow. He and I +inherited our love of music from our grandfather. My cousin got into +a musical set at college, studied with enthusiasm, and wanted to +take it up professionally. He had promised, one Christmas vacation, +to sing at a charity concert in town, and went out, when only just +recovering from influenza, to fulfil this engagement. He had a +relapse, double pneumonia set in, and he died in five days from +heart failure. My poor aunt was frantic with grief; and since then +any mention of my love of music makes her very bitter. I, too, +wanted to take it up professionally, but she put her foot down +heavily. I scarcely ever venture to sing or play here." + +"Why not elsewhere?" asked Garth Dalmain. "We have stayed about at +the same houses, and I had not the faintest idea you sang." + +"I do not know," said Jane slowly. "But--music means so much to me. +It is a sort of holy of holies in the tabernacle of one's inner +being. And it is not easy to lift the veil." + +"The veil will be lifted to-night," said Myra Ingleby. + +"Yes," agreed Jane, smiling a little ruefully, "I suppose it will." + +"And we shall pass in," said Garth Dalmain. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +CONFIDENCES + + +The shadows silently lengthened on the lawn. + +The home-coming rooks circled and cawed around the tall elm trees. + +The sun-dial pointed to six o'clock. + +Myra Ingleby rose and stood with the slanting rays of the sun full +in her eyes, her arms stretched over her head. The artist noted +every graceful line of her willowy figure. + +"Ah, bah!" she yawned. "It is so perfect out here, and I must go in +to my maid. Jane, be advised in time. Do not ever begin facial +massage. You become a slave to it, and it takes up hours of your +day. Look at me." + +They were both looking already. Myra was worth looking at. + +"For ordinary dressing purposes, I need not have gone in until +seven; and now I must lose this last, perfect hour." + +"What happens?" asked Jane. "I know nothing of the process." + +"I can't go into details," replied Lady Ingleby, "but you know how +sweet I have looked all day? Well, if I did not go to my maid now, I +should look less sweet by the end of dinner, and at the close of the +evening I should appear ten years older." + +"You would always look sweet," said Jane, with frank sincerity; "and +why mind looking the age you are?" + +"My dear, 'a man is as old as he feels; a woman is as old as she +looks,'" quoted Myra. + +"I FEEL just seven," said Garth. + +"And you LOOK seventeen," laughed Myra. + +"And I AM twenty-seven," retorted Garth; "so the duchess should not +call me 'a ridiculous child.' And, dear lady, if curtailing this +mysterious process is going to make you one whit less lovely to- +night, I do beseech you to hasten to your maid, or you will spoil my +whole evening. I shall burst into tears at dinner, and the duchess +hates scenes, as you very well know!" + +Lady Ingleby flapped him with her garden hat as she passed. + +"Be quiet, you ridiculous child!" she said. "You had no business to +listen to what I was saying to Jane. You shall paint me this autumn. +And after that I will give up facial massage, and go abroad, and +come back quite old." + +She flung this last threat over her shoulder as she trailed away +across the lawn. + +"How lovely she is!" commented Garth, gazing after her. "How much of +that was true, do you suppose, Miss Champion?" + +"I have not the slightest idea," replied Jane. "I am completely +ignorant on the subject of facial massage." + +"Not much, I should think," continued Garth, "or she would not have +told us." + + + +"Ah, you are wrong there," replied Jane, quickly. "Myra is +extraordinarily honest, and always inclined to be frank about +herself and her foibles. She had a curious upbringing. She is one of +a large family, and was always considered the black sheep, not so +much by her brothers and sisters, as by her mother. Nothing she was, +or said, or did, was ever right. When Lord Ingleby met her, and I +suppose saw her incipient possibilities, she was a tall, gawky girl, +with lovely eyes, a sweet, sensitive mouth, and a what-on-earth-am- +I-going-to-do-next expression on her face. He was twenty years her +senior, but fell most determinedly in love with her and, though her +mother pressed upon him all her other daughters in turn, he would +have Myra or nobody. When he proposed to her it was impossible at +first to make her understand what he meant. His meaning dawned on +her at length, and he was not kept waiting long for her answer. I +have often heard him tease her about it. She looked at him with an +adorable smile, her eyes brimming over with tears, and said: 'Why, +of course. I'll marry you GRATEFULLY, and I think it is perfectly +sweet of you to like me. But what a blow for mamma!' They were +married with as little delay as possible, and he took her off to +Paris, Italy, and Egypt, had six months abroad, and brought her +back--this! I was staying with them once, and her mother was also +there. We were sitting in the morning room,--no men, just half a +dozen women,--and her mother began finding fault about something, +and said: 'Has not Lord Ingleby often told you of it?' Myra looked +up in her sweet, lazy way and answered: 'Dear mamma, I know it must +seem strange to you, but, do you know, my husband thinks everything +I do perfect.' 'Your husband is a fool!' snapped her mother. 'From +YOUR point of view, dear mamma,' said Myra, sweetly." + +"Old curmudgeon!" remarked Garth. "Why are people of that sort +allowed to be called 'mothers'? We, who have had tender, perfect +mothers, would like to make it law that the other kind should always +be called 'she-parents,' or 'female progenitors,' or any other +descriptive title, but not profane the sacred name of mother!" + +Jane was silent. She knew the beautiful story of Garth's boyhood +with his widowed mother. She knew his passionate adoration of her +sainted memory. She liked him best when she got a glimpse beneath +the surface, and did not wish to check his mood by reminding him +that she herself had never even lisped that name. + +Garth rose from his chair and stretched his slim figure in the +slanting sun-rays, much as Myra had done. Jane looked at him. As is +often the case with plain people, great physical beauty appealed to +her strongly. She only allowed to that appeal its right proportion +in her estimation of her friends. Garth Dalmain by no means came +first among her particular chums. He was older than most of them, +and yet in some ways younger than any, and his remarkable +youthfulness of manner and exuberance of spirits sometimes made him +appear foolish to Jane, whose sense of humour was of a more sedate +kind. But of the absolute perfection of his outward appearance, +there was no question; and Jane looked at him now, much as his own +mother might have looked, with honest admiration in her kind eyes. + +Garth, notwithstanding the pale violet shirt and dark violet tie, +was quite unconscious of his own appearance; and, dazzled by the +golden sunlight, was also unconscious of Jane's look. + +"Oh, I say, Miss Champion!" he cried, boyishly. "Isn't it nice that +they have all gone in? I have been wanting a good jaw with you. +Really, when we all get together we do drivel sometimes, to keep the +ball rolling. It is like patting up air-balls; and very often they +burst, and one realises that an empty, shrivelled little skin is all +that is left after most conversations. Did you ever buy air-balls at +Brighton? Do you remember the wild excitement of seeing the man +coming along the parade, with a huge bunch of them--blue, green, +red, white, and yellow, all shining in the sun? And one used to +wonder how he ever contrived to pick them all up--I don't know how!- +-and what would happen if he put them all down. I always knew +exactly which one I wanted, and it was generally on a very inside +string and took a long time to disentangle. And how maddening it was +if the grown-ups grew tired of waiting, and walked on with the +penny. Only I would rather have had none, than not have the one on +which I had fixed my heart. Wouldn't you?" + +"I never bought air-balls at Brighton," replied Jane, without +enthusiasm. Garth was feeling seven again, and Jane was feeling +bored. + +For once he seemed conscious of this. He took his coat from the back +of the chair where he had hung it, and put it on. + +"Come along, Miss Champion," he said; "I am so tired of doing +nothing. Let us go down to the river and find a boat or two. Dinner +is not until eight o'clock, and I am certain you can dress, even for +the ROLE of Velma, in half an hour. I have known you do it in ten +minutes, at a pinch. There is ample time for me to row you within +sight of the minster, and we can talk as we go. Ah, fancy! the grey +old minster with this sunset behind it, and a field of cowslips in +the foreground!" + +But Jane did not rise. + +"My dear Dal," she said, "you would not feel much enthusiasm for the +minster or the sunset, after you had pulled my twelve stone odd up +the river. You would drop exhausted among the cowslips. Surely you +might know by now that I am not the sort of person to be told off to +sit in the stern of a tiny skiff and steer. If I am in a boat, I +like to row; and if I row, I prefer rowing stroke. But I do not want +to row now, because I have been playing golf the whole afternoon. +And you know perfectly well it would be no pleasure to you to have +to gaze at me all the way up and all the way down the river; knowing +all the time, that I was mentally criticising your stroke and +marking the careless way you feathered." + + + +Garth sat down, lay back in his chair, with his arms behind his +sleek dark head, and looked at her with his soft shining eyes, just +as he had looked at the duchess. + +"How cross you are, old chap," he said, gently. "What is the +matter?" + +Jane laughed and held out her hand. "Oh, you dear boy! I think you +have the sweetest temper in the world. I won't be cross any more. +The truth is, I hate the duchess's concerts, and I don't like being +the duchess's 'surprise-packet.'" + +"I see," said Garth, sympathetically. "But, that being so, why did +you offer?" + +"Ah, I had to," said Jane. "Poor old dear! She so rarely asks me +anything, and her eyes besought. Don't you know how one longs to +have something to do for some one who belongs to one? I would black +her boots if she wished it. But it is so hard to stay here, week +after week, and be kept at arm's length. This one thing she asked of +me, and her proud old eyes pleaded. Could I refuse?" + +Garth was all sympathy. "No, dear," he said thoughtfully; "of course +you couldn't. And don't bother over that silly joke about the +'surprise packet.' You see, you won't be that. I have no doubt you +sing vastly better than most of them, but they will not realise it. +It takes a Velma to make such people as these sit up. They will +think THE ROSARY a pretty song, and give you a mild clap, and there +the thing will end. So don't worry." + + Jane sat and considered this. Then: "Dal," she said, "I do hate +singing before that sort of audience. It is like giving them your +soul to look at, and you don't want them to see it. It seems +indecent. To my mind, music is the most REVEALING thing in the +world. I shiver when I think of that song, and yet I daren't do less +than my best. When the moment comes, I shall live in the song, and +forget the audience. Let me tell you a lesson I once had from Madame +Blanche. I was singing Bemberg's CHANT HINDOU, the passionate prayer +of an Indian woman to Brahma. I began: 'BRAHMA! DIEU DES CROYANTS,' +and sang it as I might have sung 'DO, RE, MI.' Brahma was nothing to +me. 'Stop!' cried Madame Blanche in her most imperious manner. 'Ah, +vous Anglais! What are you doing? BRAHMA, c'est un Dieu! He may not +be YOUR God. He may not be MY God. But he is somebody's God. He is +the God of the song. Ecoutez!' And she lifted her head and sang: +'Brahma! Dieu des croyants! Maitre des cites saintes!' with her +beautiful brow illumined, and a passion of religious fervour which +thrilled one's soul. It was a lesson I never forgot. I can honestly +say I have never sung a song tamely, since." + +"Fine!" said Garth Dalmain. "I like enthusiasm in every branch of +art. I never care to paint a portrait, unless I adore the woman I am +painting." + +Jane smiled. The conversation was turning exactly the way she had +hoped eventually to lead it. + +"Dal, dear," she said, "you adore so many in turn, that we old +friends, who have your real interest at heart, fear you will never +adore to any definite purpose." + +Garth laughed. "Oh bother!" he said. "Are you like all the rest? Do +you also think adoration and admiration must necessarily mean +marriage. I should have expected you to take a saner and more +masculine view." + +"My dear boy," said Jane, "your friends have decided that you need a +wife. You are alone in the world. You have a lovely home. You are in +a fair way to be spoiled by all the silly women who run after you. +Of course we are perfectly aware that your wife must have every +incomparable beauty under the sun united in her own exquisite +person. But each new divinity you see and paint apparently fulfils, +for the time being, this wondrous ideal; and, perhaps, if you wedded +one, instead of painting her, she might continue permanently to +fulfil it." + +Garth considered this in silence, his level brows knitted. At last +he said: "Beauty is so much a thing of the surface. I see it, and +admire it. I desire it, and paint it. When I have painted it, I have +made it my own, and somehow I find I have done with it. All the time +I am painting a woman, I am seeking for her soul. I want to express +it on my canvas; and do you know, Miss Champion, I find that a +lovely woman does not always have a lovely soul." + +Jane was silent. The last things she wished to discuss were other +women's souls. + +"There is just one who seems to me perfect, "continued Garth. "I am +to paint her this autumn. I believe I shall find her soul as +exquisite as her body." + +"And she is--?" inquired Jane. + +"Lady Brand." + +"Flower!" exclaimed Jane. "Are YOU so taken with Flower?" + +"Ah, she is lovely," said Garth, with reverent enthusiasm. "It +positively is not right for any one to be so absolutely flawlessly +lovely. It makes me ache. Do you know that feeling, Miss Champion, +of perfect loveliness making you ache?" + +"No, I don't," said Jane, shortly. "And I do not think other +people's wives ought to have that effect upon you." + +"My dear old chap," exclaimed Garth, astonished; "it has nothing to +do with wives or no wives. A wood of bluebells in morning sunshine +would have precisely the same effect. I ache to paint her. When I +have painted her and really done justice to that matchless +loveliness as I see it, I shall feel all right. At present I have +only painted her from memory; but she is to sit to me in October." + +"From memory?" questioned Jane. + +"Yes, I paint a great deal from memory. Give me one look of a +certain kind at a face, let me see it at a moment which lets one +penetrate beneath the surface, and I can paint that face from memory +weeks after. Lots of my best studies have been done that way. Ah, +the delight of it! Beauty--the worship of beauty is to me a +religion." + +"Rather a godless form of religion," suggested Jane. + +"Ah no," said Garth reverently. "All true beauty comes from God, and +leads back to God. 'Every good gift and every perfect gift is from +above, and cometh down from the Father of lights.' I once met an old +freak who said all sickness came from the devil. I never could +believe that, for my mother was an invalid during the last years of +her life, and I can testify that her sickness was a blessing to +many, and borne to the glory of God. But I am, convinced all true +beauty is God-given, and that is why the worship of beauty is to me +a religion. Nothing bad was ever truly beautiful; nothing good is +ever really ugly." + +Jane smiled as she watched him, lying back in the golden sunlight, +the very personification of manly beauty. The absolute lack of self- +consciousness, either for himself or for her, which allowed him to +talk thus to the plainest woman of his acquaintance, held a vein of +humour which diverted Jane. It appealed to her more than buying +coloured air-balls, or screaming because the duchess wore a mushroom +hat. + +"Then are plain people to be denied their share of goodness, Dal?" +she asked. + +"Plainness is not ugliness," replied Garth Dalmain simply. "I +learned that when quite a small boy. My mother took me to hear a +famous preacher. As he sat on the platform during the preliminaries +he seemed to me quite the ugliest man I had ever seen. He reminded +me of a grotesque gorilla, and I dreaded the moment when he should +rise up and face us and give out a text. It seemed to me there ought +to be bars between, and that we should want to throw nuts and +oranges. But when he rose to speak, his face was transfigured. +Goodness and inspiration shone from it, making it as the face of an +angel. I never again thought him ugly. The beauty of his soul shone +through, transfiguring his body. Child though I was, I could +differentiate even then between ugliness and plainness. When he sat +down at the close of his magnificent sermon, I no longer thought him +a complicated form of chimpanzee. I remembered the divine halo of +his smile. Of course his actual plainness of feature remained. It +was not the sort of face one could have wanted to live with, or to +have day after day opposite to one at table. But then one was not +called to that sort of discipline, which would have been martyrdom +to me. And he has always stood to my mind since as a proof of the +truth that goodness is never ugly; and that divine love and +aspiration shining through the plainest features may redeem them +temporarily into beauty; and, permanently, into a thing one loves to +remember." + +"I see," said Jane. "It must have often helped you to a right view +to have realised that so long ago. But now let us return to the +important question of the face which you ARE to have daily opposite +you at table. It cannot be Lady Brand's, nor can it be Myra's; but, +you know, Dal, a very lovely one is being suggested for the +position." + +"No names, please," said Garth, quickly. "I object to girls' names +being mentioned in this sort of conversation." + +"Very well, dear boy. I understand and respect your objection. You +have made her famous already by your impressionist portrait of her, +and I hear you are to do a more elaborate picture 'in the fall.' +Now, Dal, you know you admire her immensely. She is lovely, she is +charming, she hails from the land whose women, when they possess +charm, unite with it a freshness and a piquancy which place them +beyond compare. In some ways you are so unique yourself that you +ought to have a wife with a certain amount of originality. Now, I +hardly know how far the opinion of your friends would influence you +in such a matter, but you may like to hear how fully they approve +your very open allegiance to--shall we say--the beautiful 'Stars and +Stripes'?" + +Garth Dalmain took out his cigarette case, carefully selected a +cigarette, and sat with it between his fingers in absorbed +contemplation. + +"Smoke," said Jane. + +"Thanks," said Garth. He struck a match and very deliberately +lighted his cigarette. As he flung away the vesta the breeze caught +it and it fell on the lawn, flaming brightly. Garth sprang up and +extinguished it, then drew his chair more exactly opposite to Jane's +and lay back, smoking meditatively, and watching the little rings he +blew, mount into the cedar branches, expand, fade, and vanish. + +Jane was watching him. The varied and characteristic ways in which +her friends lighted and smoked their cigarettes always interested +Jane. There were at least a dozen young men of whom she could have +given the names upon hearing a description of their method. Also, +she had learned from Deryck Brand the value of silences in an +important conversation, and the art of not weakening a statement by +a postscript. + +At last Garth spoke. + +"I wonder why the smoke is that lovely pale blue as it curls up from +the cigarette, and a greyish-white if one blows it out." + +Jane knew it was because it had become impregnated with moisture, +but she did not say so, having no desire to contribute her quota of +pats to this air-ball, or to encourage the superficial workings of +his mind just then. She quietly awaited the response to her appeal +to his deeper nature which she felt certain would be forthcoming. +Presently it came. + +"It is awfully good of you, Miss Champion, to take the trouble to +think all this and to say it to me. May I prove my gratitude by +explaining for once where my difficulty lies? I have scarcely +defined it to myself, and yet I believe I can express it to you." +Another long silence. Garth smoked and pondered. + +Jane waited. It was a very comprehending, very companionable +silence. Garth found himself parodying the last lines of an old +sixteenth-century song: + + "Then ever pray that heaven may send + Such weeds, such chairs, and such a friend." + +Either the cigarette, or the chair, or Jane, or perhaps all three +combined were producing in him a sublime sense of calm, and rest, +and well-being; an uplifting of spirit which made all good things +seem better; all difficult things, easy; and all ideals, possible. +The silence, like the sunset, was golden; but at last he broke it. + +"Two women--the only two women who have ever really been in my life- +-form for me a standard below which I cannot fall,--one, my mother, +a sacred and ideal memory; the other, old Margery Graem, my +childhood's friend and nurse, now my housekeeper and general tender +and mender. Her faithful heart and constant remembrance help to keep +me true to the ideal of that sweet presence which faded from beside +me when I stood on the threshold of manhood. Margery lives at Castle +Gleneesh. When I return home, the sight which first meets my eyes as +the hall door opens is old Margery in her black satin apron, lawn +kerchief, and lavender ribbons. I always feel seven then, and I +always hug her. You, Miss Champion, don't like me when I feel seven; +but Margery does. Now, this is what I want you to realise. When I +bring a bride to Gleneesh and present her to Margery, the kind old +eyes will try to see nothing but good; the faithful old heart will +yearn to love and serve. And yet I shall know she knows the +standard, just as I know it; I shall know she remembers the ideal of +gentle, tender, Christian womanhood, just as I remember it; and I +must not, I dare not, fall short. Believe me, Miss Champion, more +than once, when physical attraction has been strong, and I have been +tempted in the worship of the outward loveliness to disregard or +forget the essentials,--the things which are unseen but eternal,-- +then, all unconscious of exercising any such influence, old +Margery's clear eyes look into mine, old Margery's mittened hand +seems to rest upon my coat sleeve, and the voice which has guided me +from infancy, says, in gentle astonishment: `Is this your choice, +Master Garthie, to fill my dear lady's place?' No doubt, Miss +Champion, it will seem almost absurd to you when you think of our +set and our sentiments, and the way we racket round that I should +sit here on the duchess's lawn and confess that I have been held +back from proposing marriage to the women I have most admired, +because of what would have been my old nurse's opinion of them! But +you must remember her opinion is formed by a memory, and that memory +is the memory of my dead mother. Moreover, Margery voices my best +self, and expresses my own judgment when it is not blinded by +passion or warped by my worship of the beautiful. Not that Margery +would disapprove of loveliness; in fact, she would approve of +nothing else for me, I know very well. But her penetration rapidly +goes beneath the surface. According to one of Paul's sublime +paradoxes, she looks at the things that are not seen. It seems queer +that I can tell you all this, Miss Champion, and really it is the +first time I have actually formulated it in my own mind. But I think +it so extremely friendly of you to have troubled to give me good +advice in the matter." + +Garth Dalmain ceased speaking, and the silence which followed +suddenly assumed alarming proportions, seeming to Jane like a high +fence which she was vainly trying to scale. She found herself +mentally rushing hither and thither, seeking a gate or any possible +means of egress. And still she was confronted by the difficulty of +replying adequately to the totally unexpected. And what added to her +dumbness was the fact that she was infinitely touched by Garth's +confession; and when Jane was deeply moved speech always became +difficult. That this young man--adored by all the girls for his good +looks and delightful manners; pursued for his extreme eligibility by +mothers and chaperons; famous already in the world of art; +flattered, courted, sought after in society--should calmly admit +that the only woman really left IN his life was his old nurse, and +that her opinion and expectations held him back from a worldly, or +unwise marriage, touched Jane deeply, even while in her heart she +smiled at what their set would say could they realise the situation. +It revealed Garth in a new light; and suddenly Jane understood him, +as she had not understood him before. + +And yet the only reply she could bring herself to frame was: "I wish +I knew old Margery." + +Garth's brown eyes flashed with pleasure. + +"Ah, I wish you did," he said. "And I should like you to see Castle +Gleneesh. You would enjoy the view from the terrace, sheer into the +gorge, and away across the purple hills. And I think you would like +the pine woods and the moor. I say, Miss Champion, why should not +_I_ get up a 'best party' in September, and implore the duchess to +come and chaperon it? And then you could come, and any one else you +would like asked. And--and, perhaps--we might ask--the beautiful +'Stars and Stripes,' and her aunt, Mrs. Parker Bangs of Chicago; and +then we should see what Margery thought of her!" + +"Delightful!" said Jane. "I would come with pleasure. And really, +Dal, I think that girl has a sweet nature. Could you do better? The +exterior is perfect, and surely the soul is there. Yes, ask us all, +and see what happens." + +"I will," cried Garth, delighted. "And what will Margery think of +Mrs. Parker Bangs?" + +"Never mind," said Jane decidedly. "When you marry the niece, the +aunt goes back to Chicago." + +"And I wish her people were not millionaires." + +"That can't be helped," said Jane. "Americans are so charming, that +we really must not mind their money." + +"I wish Miss Lister and her aunt were here," remarked Garth. "But +they are to be at Lady Ingleby's, where I am due next Tuesday. Do +you come on there, Miss Champion?" + +"I do," replied Jane. "I go to the Brands for a few days on Tuesday, +but I have promised Myra to turn up at Shenstone for the week-end. I +like staying there. They are such a harmonious couple." + +"Yes," said Garth, "but no one could help being a harmonious couple, +who had married Lady Ingleby." + +"What grammar!" laughed Jane. "But I know what you mean, and I am +glad you think so highly of Myra. She is a dear! Only do make haste +and paint her and get her off your mind, so as to be free for +Pauline Lister." + +The sun-dial pointed to seven o'clock. The rooks had circled round +the elms and dropped contentedly into their nests. + +"Let us go in," said Jane, rising. "I am glad we have had this +talk," she added, as he walked beside her across the lawn. + +"Yes," said Garth. "Air-balls weren't in it! It was a football this +time--good solid leather. And we each kicked one goal,--a tie, you +know. For your advice went home to me, and I think my reply showed +you the true lie of things; eh, Miss Champion?" + +He was feeling seven again; but Jane saw him now through old +Margery's glasses, and it did not annoy her. + +"Yes," she said, smiling at him with her kind, true eyes; "we will +consider it a tie, and surely it will prove a tie to our friendship. +Thank you, Dal, for all you have told me." + +Arrived in her room, Jane found she had half an hour to spare before +dressing. She took out her diary. Her conversation with Garth +Dalmain seemed worth recording, particularly his story of the +preacher whose beauty of soul redeemed the ugliness of his body. She +wrote it down verbatim. + +Then she rang for her maid, and dressed for dinner, and the concert +which should follow. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +THE VEIL IS LIFTED + + +"MISS CHAMPION! Oh, here you are! Your turn next, please. The last +item of the local programme is in course of performance, after which +the duchess explains Velma's laryngitis--let us hope she will not +call it 'appendicitis'--and then I usher you up. Are you ready?" + +Garth Dalmain, as master of ceremonies, had sought Jane Champion on +the terrace, and stood before her in the soft light of the hanging +Chinese lanterns. The crimson rambler in his button-hole, and his +red silk socks, which matched it, lent an artistic touch of colour +to the conventional black and white of his evening clothes. + +Jane looked up from the comfortable depths of her wicker chair; then +smiled at his anxious face. + +"I am ready," she said, and rising, walked beside him. "Has it gone +well?" she asked. "Is it a good audience?" + +"Packed," replied Garth, "and the duchess has enjoyed herself. It +has been funnier than usual. But now comes the event of the evening. +I say, where is your score?" + +"Thanks," said Jane. "I shall play it from memory. It obviates the +bother of turning over." + +They passed into the concert-room and stood behind screens and a +curtain, close to the half-dozen steps leading, from the side, up on +to the platform. + +"Oh, hark to the duchess!" whispered Garth. "My NIECE, JANE +CHAMPION, HAS KINDLY CONSENTED TO STEP INTO THE BREACH--' Which +means that you will have to step up on to that platform in another +half-minute. Really it would be kinder to you if she said less about +Velma. But never mind; they are prepared to like anything. There! +APPENDICITIS! I told you so. Poor Madame Velma! Let us hope it won't +get into the local papers. Oh, goodness! She is going to enlarge on +new-fangled diseases. Well, it gives us a moment's breathing space. +. . . I say, Miss Champion, I was chaffing this afternoon about +sharps and flats. I can play that accompaniment for you if you like. +No? Well, just as you think best. But remember, it takes a lot of +voice to make much effect in this concert-room, and the place is +crowded. Now--the duchess has done. Come on. Mind the bottom step. +Hang it all! How dark it is behind this curtain!" + +Garth gave her his hand, and Jane mounted the steps and passed into +view of the large audience assembled in the Overdene concert-room. +Her tall figure seemed taller than usual as she walked alone across +the rather high platform. She wore a black evening gown of soft +material, with old lace at her bosom and one string of pearls round +her neck. When she appeared, the audience gazed at her and applauded +doubtfully. Velma's name on the programme had raised great +expectations; and here was Miss Champion, who certainly played very +nicely, but was not supposed to be able to sing, volunteering to +sing Velma's song. A more kindly audience would have cheered her to +the echo, voicing its generous appreciation of her effort, and +sanguine expectation of her success. This audience expressed its +astonishment, in the dubiousness of its faint applause. + +Jane smiled at them good-naturedly; sat down at the piano, a +Bechstein grand; glanced at the festoons of white roses and the +cross of crimson ramblers; then, without further preliminaries, +struck the opening chord and commenced to sing. + +The deep, perfect voice thrilled through the room. + +A sudden breathless hush fell upon the audience. + +Each syllable penetrated the silence, borne on a tone so tender and +so amazingly sweet, that casual hearts stood still and marvelled at +their own emotion; and those who felt deeply already, responded with +a yet deeper thrill to the magic of that music. + + "The hours I spent with thee, dear heart, + Are as a string of pearls to me; + I count them over, ev'ry one apart, + My rosary,--my rosary." + +Softly, thoughtfully, tenderly, the last two words were breathed +into the silence, holding a world of reminiscence--a large-hearted +woman's faithful remembrance of tender moments in the past. + +The listening crowd held its breath. This was not a song. This was +the throbbing of a heart; and it throbbed in tones of such +sweetness, that tears started unbidden. + +Then the voice, which had rendered the opening lines so quietly, +rose in a rapid crescendo of quivering pain. + + "Each hour a pearl, each pearl a prayer, + To still a heart in absence wrung; + I tell each bead unto the end, and there-- + A cross is hung!" + +The last four words were given with a sudden power and passion which +electrified the assembly. In the pause which followed, could be +heard the tension of feeling produced. But in another moment the +quiet voice fell soothingly, expressing a strength of endurance +which would fail in no crisis, nor fear to face any depths of pain; +yet gathering to itself a poignancy of sweetness, rendered richer by +the discipline of suffering. + + "O memories that bless and burn! + O barren gain and bitter loss! + I kiss each bead, and strive at last to learn + To kiss the cross . . . to kiss the cross." + + Only those who have heard Jane sing THE ROSARY can possibly realise +how she sang "I KISS EACH BEAD." The lingering retrospection in each +word; breathed out a love so womanly, so beautiful, so tender, that +her identity was forgotten--even by those in the audience who knew +her best--in the magic of her rendering of the song. + +The accompaniment, which opens with a single chord, closes with a +single note. + +Jane struck it softly, lingeringly; then rose, turned from the +piano, and was leaving the platform, when a sudden burst of wild +applause broke from the audience. Jane hesitated, paused, looked at +her aunt's guests as if almost surprised to find them there. Then +the slow smile dawned in her eyes and passed to her lips. She stood +in the centre of the platform for a moment, awkwardly, almost shyly; +then moved on as men's voices began to shout "Encore! 'core!" and +left the platform by the side staircase. + +But there, behind the scenes, in the semi-darkness of screens and +curtains, a fresh surprise awaited Jane, more startling than the +enthusiastic tumult of her audience. + +At the foot of the staircase stood Garth Dalmain. His face was +absolutely colourless, and his eyes shone out from it like burning +stars. He remained motionless until she stepped from the last stair +and stood close to him. Then with a sudden movement he caught her by +the shoulders and turned her round. + +"Go back!" he said, and the overmastering need quivering in his +voice drew Jane's eyes to his in mute astonishment. "Go back at once +and sing it all over again, note for note, word for word, just as +before. Ah, don't stand here waiting! Go back now! Go back at once! +Don't you know that you MUST?" + +Jane looked into those shining eyes. Something she saw in them +excused the brusque command of his tone. Without a word, she quietly +mounted the steps and walked across the platform to the piano. +People were still applauding, and redoubled their demonstrations of +delight as she appeared; but Jane took her seat at the instrument +without giving them a thought. + +She was experiencing a very curious and unusual sensation. Never +before in her whole life had she obeyed a peremptory command. In her +childhood's days, Fraulein and Miss Jebb soon found out that they +could only obtain their desires by means of carefully worded +requests, or pathetic appeals to her good feelings and sense of +right. An unreasonable order, or a reasonable one unexplained, +promptly met with a point-blank refusal. And this characteristic +still obtained, though modified by time; and even the duchess, as a +rule, said "please" to Jane. + +But now a young man with a white face and blazing eyes had +unceremoniously swung her round, ordered her up the stairs, and +commanded her to sing a song over again, note for note, word for +word, and she was meekly going to obey. + +As she took her seat, Jane suddenly made up her mind not to sing The +Rosary again. She had many finer songs in her repertoire. The +audience expected another. Why should she disappoint those +expectations because of the imperious demands of a very highly +excited boy? + +She commenced the magnificent prelude to Handel's "Where'er you +walk," but, as she played it, her sense of truth and justice +intervened. She had not come back to sing again at the bidding of a +highly excited boy, but of a deeply moved man; and his emotion was +of no ordinary kind. That Garth Dalmain should have been so moved as +to forget even momentarily his punctilious courtesy of manner, was +the highest possible tribute to her art and to her song. While she +played the Handel theme--and played it so that a whole orchestra +seemed marshalled upon the key-board under those strong, firm +finger--she suddenly realised, though scarcely understanding it, the +MUST of which Garth had spoken, and made up her mind to yield to its +necessity. So; when the opening bars were ended, instead of singing +the grand song from Semele she paused for a moment; struck once more +The Rosary's; opening chord; and did as Garth had bidden her to do. + + "The hours I spent with thee, dear heart, + Are as a string of pearls to me; + I count them over, ev'ry one apart, + My rosary,--my rosary. + "Each hour a pearl, each pearl a prayer, + To still a heart in absence wrung; + I tell each bead unto the end, and there-- + A cross is hung! + "O memories that bless and burn! + O barren gain and bitter loss! + I kiss each bead, and strive at last to learn + To kiss the cross . . . to kiss the cross." + +When Jane left the platform, Garth was still standing motionless at +the foot of the stairs. His face was just as white as before, but +his eyes had lost that terrible look of unshed tears, which had sent +her back, at his bidding, without a word of question or +remonstrance. A wonderful light now shone in them; a light of +adoration, which touched Jane's heart because she had never before +seen anything quite like it. She smiled as she came slowly down the +steps, and held out both hands to him with an unconscious movement +of gracious friendliness. Garth stepped close to the bottom of the +staircase and took them in his, while she was still on the step +above him. + +For a moment he did not speak. Then in a low voice, vibrant with +emotion: "My God!" he said, "Oh, my God!" + +"Hush," said Jane; "I never like to hear that name spoken lightly, +Dal." + +"Spoken lightly!" he exclaimed. "No speaking lightly would be +possible for me to-night. 'Every perfect gift is from above.' When +words fail me to speak of the gift, can you wonder if I apostrophise +the Giver?" + +Jane looked steadily into his shining eyes, and a smile of pleasure +illumined her own. "So you liked my song?" she said. + +"Liked--liked your song?" repeated Garth, a shade of perplexity +crossing his face. "I do not know whether I liked your song." + +"Then why this flattering demonstration?" inquired Jane, laughing. + +"Because," said Garth, very low, "you lifted the veil, and I--I +passed within." + +He was still holding her hands in his; and, as he spoke the last two +words, he turned them gently over and, bending, kissed each palm +with an indescribably tender reverence; then, loosing them, stood on +one side, and Jane went out on to the terrace alone. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +GARTH FINDS HIS ROSARY + + +Jane spent but a very few minutes in the drawing-room that evening. +The fun in progress there was not to her taste, and the praises +heaped upon herself annoyed her. Also she wanted the quiet of her +own room in order to think over that closing episode of the concert, +which had taken place between herself and Garth, behind the scenes. +She did not feel certain how to take it. She was conscious that it +held an element which she could not fathom, and Garth's last act had +awakened in herself feelings which she did not understand. She +extremely disliked the way in which he had kissed her hands; and yet +he had put into the action such a passion of reverent worship that +it gave her a sense of consecration--of being, as it were, set apart +to minister always to the hearts of men in that perfect gift of +melody which should uplift and ennoble. She could not lose the +sensation of the impress of his lips upon the palms of her hands. It +was as if he had left behind something tangible and abiding. She +caught herself looking at them anxiously once or twice, and the +third time this happened she determined to go to her room. + +The duchess was at the piano, completely hidden from view by nearly +the whole of her house party, crowding round in fits of delighted +laughter. Ronnie had just broken through from the inmost circle to +fetch an antimacassar; and Billy, to dash to the writing-table for a +sheet of note-paper. Jane knew the note-paper meant a clerical dog +collar, and she concluded something had been worn which resembled an +antimacassar. + +She turned rather wearily and moved towards the door. Quiet and +unobserved though her retreat had been, Garth was at the door before +her. She did not know how he got there; for, as she turned to leave +the room, she had seen his sleek head close to Myra Ingleby's on the +further side of the duchess's crowd. He opened the door and Jane +passed out. She felt equally desirous of saying two things to him,-- +either: "How dared you behave in so unconventional a way?" or: "Tell +me just what you want me to do, and I will do it." + +She said neither. + +Garth followed her into the hall, lighted a candle, and threw the +match at Tommy; then handed her the silver candlestick. He was +looking absurdly happy. Jane felt annoyed with him for parading this +gladness, which she had unwittingly caused and in which she had no +share. Also she felt she must break this intimate silence. It was +saying so much which ought not to be said, since it could not be +spoken. She took her candle rather aggressively and turned upon the +second step. + +"Good-night, Dal," she said. "And do you know that you are missing +the curate?" + +He looked up at her. His eyes shone in the light of her candle. + +"No," he said. "I am neither missing nor missed. I was only waiting +in there until you went up. I shall not go back. I am going out into +the park now to breathe in the refreshing coolness of the night +breeze. And I am going to stand under the oaks and tell my beads. I +did not know I had a rosary, until to-night, but I have--I have!" + +"I should say you have a dozen," remarked Jane, dryly. + +"Then you would be wrong," replied Garth. "I have just one. But it +has many hours. I shall be able to call them all to mind when I get +out there alone. I am going to 'count each pearl.'" + +"How about the cross?" asked Jane. + +"I have not reached that yet," answered Garth. "There is no cross to +my rosary." + +"I fear there is a cross to every true rosary, Dal," said Jane +gently, "and I also fear it will go hard with you when you find +yours." + +But Garth was confident and unafraid. + +"When I find mine," he said, "I hope I shall be able to"-- +Involuntarily Jane looked at her hands. He saw the look and smiled, +though he had the grace to colour beneath his tan,--"to FACE the +cross," he said. + +Jane turned and began to mount the stairs; but Garth arrested her +with an eager question. + +"Just one moment, Miss Champion! There is something I want to ask +you. May I? Will you think me impertinent, presuming, inquisitive?" + +"I have no doubt I shall," said Jane. "But I am thinking you all +sorts of unusual things to-night; so three adjectives more or less +will not matter much. You may ask." + +"Miss Champion, have YOU a rosary?" + +Jane looked at him blankly; then suddenly understood the drift of +his question. + +"My dear boy, NO!" she said. "Thank goodness, I have kept clear of +'memories that bless and burn.' None of these things enter into my +rational and well-ordered life, and I have no wish that they +should." + +"Then," deliberated Garth, "how came you to sing THE ROSARY as if +each line were your own experience; each joy or pain a thing--long +passed, perhaps--but your own?" + +"Because," explained Jane, "I always live in a song when I sing it. +Did I not tell you the lesson I learned over the CHANT HINDOU? +Therefore I had a rosary undoubtedly when I was singing that song +to-night. But, apart from that, in the sense you mean, no, thank +goodness, I have none." + +Garth mounted two steps, bringing his eyes on a level with the +candlestick. + +"But IF you cared," he said, speaking very low, "that is how you +would care? that is as you would feel?" + +Jane considered. "Yes," she said, "IF I cared, I suppose I should +care just so, and feel as I felt during those few minutes." + +"Then it was YOU in the song, although the circumstances are not +yours?" + +"Yes, I suppose so," Jane replied, "if we can consider ourselves +apart from our circumstances. But surely this is rather an +unprofitable 'air-ball.' Goodnight, 'Master Garthie!'" + +"I say, Miss Champion! Just one thing more. Will you sing for me to- +morrow? Will you come to the music-room and sing all the lovely +things I want to hear? And will you let me play a few of your +accompaniments? Ah, promise you will come. And promise to sing +whatever I ask, and I won't bother you any more now." + +He stood looking up at her, waiting for her promise, with such +adoration shining in his eyes that Jane was startled and more than a +little troubled. Then suddenly it seemed to her that she had found +the key, and she hastened to explain it to herself and to him. + +"Oh, you dear boy!" she said. "What an artist you are! And how +difficult it is for us commonplace, matter-of-fact people to +understand the artistic temperament. Here you go, almost turning my +steady old head by your rapture over what seemed to you perfection +of sound which has reached you through the ear; just as, again and +again, you worship at the shrine of perfection of form, which +reaches you through the eye. I begin to understand how it is you +turn the heads of women when you paint them. However, you are very +delightful in your delight, and I want to go up to bed. So I promise +to sing all you want and as much as you wish to-morrow. Now keep +your promise and don't bother me any more to-night. Don't spend the +whole night in the park, and try not to frighten the deer. No, I do +not need any assistance with my candle, and I am quite used to going +upstairs by myself, thank you. Can't you hear what personal and +appropriate remarks Tommy is making down there? Now do run away, +Master Garthie, and count your pearls. And if you suddenly come upon +a cross--remember, the cross can, in all probability, be persuaded +to return to Chicago!" + +Jane was still smiling as she entered her room and placed her +candlestick on the dressing-table. + +Overdene was lighted solely by lamps and candles. The duchess +refused to modernise it by the installation of electric light. But +candles abounded, and Jane, who liked a brilliant illumination, +proceeded to light both candles in the branches on either side of +the dressing-table mirror, and in the sconces on the wall beside the +mantelpiece, and in the tall silver candlesticks upon the writing- +table. Then she seated herself in a comfortable arm-chair, reached +for her writing-case, took out her diary and a fountain pen, and +prepared to finish the day's entry. She wrote, "SANG 'THE ROSARY' AT +AUNT 'GINA'S CONCERT IN PLACE OF VELMA, FAILED (LARYNGITIS)," and +came to a full stop. + +Somehow the scene with Garth was difficult to record, and the +sensations which still remained therefrom, absolutely unwritable. +Jane sat and pondered the situation, content to allow the page to +remain blank. + +Before she rose, locked her book, and prepared for rest, she had, to +her own satisfaction, clearly explained the whole thing. Garth's +artistic temperament was the basis of the argument; and, alas, the +artistic temperament is not a very firm foundation, either for a +theory, or for the fabric of a destiny. However, FAUTE DE MIEUX, +Jane had to accept it as main factor in her mental adjustment, thus: +This vibrant emotion in Garth, so strangely disturbing to her own +solid calm, was in no sense personal to herself, excepting in so far +as her voice and musical gifts were concerned. Just as the sight of +paintable beauty crazed him with delight, making him wild with +alternate hope and despair until he obtained his wish and had his +canvas and his sitter arranged to his liking; so now, his passion +for the beautiful had been awakened, this time through the medium, +not of sight, but of sound. When she had given him his fill of song, +and allowed him to play some of her accompaniments, he would be +content, and that disquieting look of adoration would pass from +those beautiful brown eyes. Meanwhile it was pleasant to look +forward to to-morrow, though it behooved her to remember that all +this admiration had in it nothing personal to herself. He would have +gone into even greater raptures over Madame Blanche, for instance, +who had the same timbre of voice and method of singing, combined +with a beauty of person which delighted the eye the while Garth +Finds his Rosary + +her voice enchanted the ear. Certainly Garth must see and hear her, +as music appeared to mean so much to him. Jane began planning this, +and then her mind turned to Pauline Lister, the lovely American +girl, whose name had been coupled with Garth Dalmain's all the +season. Jane felt certain she was just the wife he needed. Her +loveliness would content him, her shrewd common-sense and +straightforward, practical ways would counterbalance his somewhat +erratic temperament, and her adaptability would enable her to suit +herself to his surroundings, both in his northern home and amongst +his large circle of friends down south. Once married, he would give +up raving about Flower and Myra, and kissing people's hands in that- +-"absurd way," Jane was going to say, but she was invariably +truthful, even in her thoughts, and substituted "extraordinary" as +the more correct adjective--in that extraordinary way. + +She sat forward in her chair with her elbows on her knees, and held +her large hands before her, palms upward, realising again the +sensations of that moment. Then she pulled herself up sharply. "Jane +Champion, don't be a fool! You would wrong that dear, beauty-loving +boy, more than you would wrong yourself, if you took him for one +moment seriously. His homage to-night was no more personal to you +than his appreciation of the excellent dinner was personal to Aunt +Georgina's chef. In his enjoyment of the production, the producer +was included; but that was all. Be gratified at the success of your +art, and do not spoil that success by any absurd sentimentality. Now +wash your very ungainly hands and go to bed." Thus Jane to herself. + + * * * * * * * + +And under the oaks, with soft turf beneath his feet, stood Garth +Dalmain, the shy deer sleeping around unconscious of his presence; +the planets above, hanging like lamps in the deep purple of the sky. +And he, also, soliloquised. + +"I have found her," he said, in low tones of rapture, "the ideal +woman, the crown of womanhood, the perfect mate for the spirit, +soul, and body of the man who can win her.--Jane! Jane! Ah, how +blind I have been! To have known her for years, and yet not realised +her to be this. But she lifted the veil, and I passed in. Ah grand, +noble heart! She will never be able to draw the veil again between +her soul and mine. And she has no rosary. I thank God for that. No +other man possesses, or has ever possessed, that which I desire more +than I ever desired anything upon this earth, Jane's love, Jane's +tenderness. Ah, what will it mean? 'I count each pearl.' She WILL +count them some day--her pearls and mine. God spare us the cross. +Must there be a cross to every true rosary? Then God give me the +heavy end, and may the mutual bearing of it bind us together. Ah, +those dear hands! Ah, those true steadfast eyes! . . . Jane!--Jane! +Surely it has always been Jane, though I did not know it, blind fool +that I have been! But one thing I know: whereas I was blind, now I +see. And it will always be Jane from this night onward through time +and-please God--into eternity." + +The night breeze stirred his thick dark hair, and his eyes, as he +raised them, shone in the starlight. + + * * * * * * * + +And Jane, almost asleep, was roused by the tapping of her blind +against the casement, and murmured "Anything you wish, Garth, just +tell me, and I will do it." Then awakening suddenly to the +consciousness of what she had said, she sat up in the darkness and +scolded herself furiously. "Oh, you middle-aged donkey! You call +yourself staid and sensible, and a little flattery from a boy of +whom you are fond turns your head completely. Come to your senses at +once; or leave Overdene by the first train in the morning." + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +ADDED PEARLS + + +The days which followed were golden days to Jane. There was nothing +to spoil the enjoyment of a very new and strangely sweet experience. + +Garth's manner the next morning held none of the excitement or +outward demonstration which had perplexed and troubled her the +evening before. He was very quiet, and seemed to Jane older than she +had ever known him. He had very few lapses into his seven-year-old +mood, even with the duchess; and when someone chaffingly asked him +whether he was practising the correct deportment of a soon-to-be- +married man, + +"Yes," said Garth quietly, "I am." + +"Will she be at Shenstone?" inquired Ronald; for several of the +duchess's party were due at Lady Ingleby's for the following week- +end. + +"Yes," said Garth, "she will." + +"Oh, lor'!" cried Billy, dramatically. "Prithee, Benedict, are we to +take this seriously?" + +But Jane who, wrapped in the morning paper, sat near where Garth was +standing, came out from behind it to look up at him and say, so that +only he heard it "Oh, Dal, I am so glad! Did you make up your mind +last night?" + +"Yes," said Garth, turning so that he spoke to her alone, "last +night." + +"Did our talk in the afternoon have something to do with it?" + +"No, nothing whatever." + +"Was it THE ROSARY?" + +He hesitated; then said, without looking at her: "The revelation of +THE ROSARY? Yes." + +To Jane his mood of excitement was now fully explained, and she +could give herself up freely to the enjoyment of this new phase in +their friendship, for the hours of music together were a very real +delight. Garth was more of a musician than she had known, and she +enjoyed his clean, masculine touch on the piano, unblurred by slur +or pedal; more delicate than her own, where delicacy was required. +What her voice was to him during those wonderful hours he did not +express in words, for after that first evening he put a firm +restraint upon his speech. Under the oaks he had made up his mind to +wait a week before speaking, and he waited. + +But the new and strangely sweet experience to Jane was that of being +absolutely first to some one. In ways known only to himself and to +her Garth made her feel this. There was nothing for any one else to +notice, and yet she knew perfectly well that she never came into the +room without his being instantly conscious that she was there; that +she never left a room, without being at once missed by him. His +attentions were so unobtrusive and tactful that no one else realised +them. They called forth no chaff from friends and no "Hoity-toity! +What now?" from the duchess. And yet his devotion seemed always +surrounding her. For the first time in her life Jane was made to +feel herself FIRST in the whole thought of another. It made him seem +strangely her own. She took a pleasure and pride in all he said, and +did, and was; and in the hours they spent together in the music-room +she learned to know him and to understand that enthusiastic beauty- +loving, irresponsible nature, as she had never understood it before. + +The days were golden, and the parting at night was sweet, because it +gave an added zest to the pleasure of meeting in the morning. And +yet during these golden days the thought of love, in the ordinary +sense of the word, never entered Jane's mind. Her ignorance in this +matter arose, not so much from inexperience, as from too large an +experience of the travesty of the real thing; an experience which +hindered her from recognising love itself, now that love in its most +ideal form was drawing near. + +Jane had not come through a dozen seasons without receiving nearly a +dozen proposals of marriage. An heiress, independent of parents and +guardians, of good blood and lineage, a few proposals of a certain +type were inevitable. Middle-aged men--becoming bald and grey; tired +of racketing about town; with beautiful old country places and an +unfortunate lack of the wherewithal to keep them up--proposed to the +Honourable Jane Champion in a business-like way, and the Honourable +Jane looked them up and down, and through and through, until they +felt very cheap, and then quietly refused them, in an equally +business-like way. + +Two or three nice boys, whom she had pulled out of scrapes and set +on their feet again after hopeless croppers, had thought, in a wave +of maudlin gratitude, how good it would be for a fellow always to +have her at hand to keep him straight and tell him what he ought to +do, don't you know? and--er--well, yes--pay his debts, and be a sort +of mother-who-doesn't scold kind of person to him; and had caught +hold of her kind hand, and implored her to marry them. Jane had +slapped them if they ventured to touch her, and recommended them not +to be silly. + +One solemn proposal she had had quite lately from the bachelor +rector of a parish adjoining Overdene. He had often inflicted +wearisome conversations upon her; and when he called, intending to +put the momentous question, Jane, who was sitting at her writing- +table in the Overdene drawing-room, did not see any occasion to move +from it. If the rector became too prosy, she could surreptitiously +finish a few notes. He sank into a deep arm-chair close to the +writing-table, crossed his somewhat bandy legs one over the other, +made the tips of his fingers meet with unctuous accuracy, and +intoned the opening sentences of his proposition. Jane, sharpening +pencils and sorting nibs, apparently only caught the drift of what +he was saying, for when he had chanted the phrase, "Not alone from +selfish motives, my dear Miss Champion; but for the good of my +parish; for the welfare of my flock, for the advancement of the work +of the church in our midst," Jane opened a despatch-box and drew out +her cheque-book. + +"I shall be delighted to subscribe, Mr. Bilberry," she said. "Is it +for a font, a pulpit, new hymn-books, or what?" + +"My dear lady," said the rector tremulously, "you misunderstand me. +My desire is to lead you to the altar." + +"Dear Mr. Bilberry," said Jane Champion, "that would be quite +unnecessary. From any part of your church the fact that you need a +new altar-cloth is absolutely patent to all comers. I will, with the +greatest pleasure, give you a cheque for ten pounds towards it. I +have attended your church rather often lately because I enjoy a +long, quiet walk by myself through the woods. And now I am sure you +would like to see my aunt before you go. She is in the aviary, +feeding her foreign birds. If you go out by that window and pass +along the terrace to your left, you will find the aviary and the +duchess. I would suggest the advisability of not mentioning this +conversation to my aunt. She does not approve of elaborate altar- +cloths, and would scold us both, and insist on the money being spent +in providing boots for the school children. No, please do not thank +me. I am really glad of an opportunity of helping on your excellent +work in this neighbourhood." + +Jane wondered once or twice whether the cheque would be cashed. She +would have liked to receive it back by post, torn in half; with a +few wrathful lines of manly indignation. But when it returned to her +in due course from her bankers, it was indorsed P. BILBERRY, in a +neat scholarly hand, without even a dash of indignation beneath it; +and she threw it into the waste-paper basket, with rather a bitter +smile. + +These were Jane's experiences of offers of marriage. She had never +been loved for her own sake; she had never felt herself really first +in the heart and life of another. And now, when the adoring love of +a man's whole being was tenderly, cautiously beginning to surround +and envelop her, she did not recognise the reason of her happiness +or of his devotion. She considered him the avowed lover of another +woman, with whose youth and loveliness she would not have dreamed of +competing; and she regarded this closeness of intimacy between +herself and Garth as a development of a friendship more beautiful +than she had hitherto considered possible. + +Thus matters stood when Tuesday arrived and the Overdene party broke +up. Jane went to town to spend a couple of days with the Brands. +Garth went straight to Shenstone, where he had been asked expressly +to meet Miss Lister and her aunt, Mrs. Parker Bangs. Jane was due at +Shenstone on Friday for the week-end. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +LADY INGLEBY'S HOUSE PARTY + + +As Jane took her seat and the train moved out of the London terminus +she leaned back in her corner with a sigh of satisfaction. Somehow +these days in town had seemed insufferably long. Jane reviewed them +thoughtfully, and sought the reason. They had been filled with +interests and engagements; and the very fact of being in town, as a +rule, contented her. Why had she felt so restless and dissatisfied +and lonely? + +From force of habit she had just stopped at the railway book-stall +for her usual pile of literature. Her friends always said Jane could +not go even the shortest journey without at least half a dozen +papers. But now they lay unheeded on the seat in front of her. Jane +was considering her Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, and wondering +why they had merely been weary stepping-stones to Friday. And here +was Friday at last, and once in the train en route for Shenstone, +she began to feel happy and exhilarated. What had been the matter +with these three days? Flower had been charming; Deryck, his own +friendly, interesting self; little Dicky, delightful; and Baby +Blossom, as sweet as only Baby Blossom could be. What was amiss? + +"I know," said Jane. "Of course! Why did I not realise it before? I +had too much music during those last days at Overdene; and SUCH +music! I have been suffering from a surfeit of music, and the miss +of it has given me this blank feeling of loneliness. No doubt we +shall have plenty at Myra's, and Dal will be there to clamour for it +if Myra fails to suggest it." + +With a happy little smile of pleasurable anticipation, Jane took up +the SPECTATOR, and was soon absorbed in an article on the South +African problem. + +Myra met her at the station, driving ponies tandem. A light cart was +also there for the maid and baggage; and, without losing a moment, +Jane and her hostess were off along the country lane at a brisk +trot. + +The fields and woods were an exquisite restful green in the +afternoon sunshine. Wild roses clustered in the hedges. The last +loads of hay were being carted in. There was an ecstasy in the songs +of the birds and a transporting sense of sweetness about all the +sights and scents of the country, such as Jane had never experienced +so vividly before. She drew a deep breath and exclaimed, almost +involuntarily: "Ah! it is good to be here!" + +"You dear!" said Lady Ingleby, twirling her whip and nodding in +gracious response to respectful salutes from the hay-field. "It is a +comfort to have you! I always feel you are like the bass of a tune-- +something so solid and satisfactory and beneath one in case of a +crisis. I hate crises. They are so tiring. As I say: Why can't +things always go on as they are? They are as they were, and they +were as they will be, if only people wouldn't bother. However, I am +certain nothing could go far wrong when YOU are anywhere near." + +Myra flicked the leader, who was inclined to "sugar," and they flew +along between the high hedges, brushing lightly against overhanging +masses of honeysuckle and wild clematis. Jane snatched a spray of +the clematis, in passing. "'Traveller's joy,'" she said, with that +same quiet smile of glad anticipation, and put the white blossom in +her buttonhole. + +"Well," continued Lady Ingleby, "my house party is going on quite +satisfactorily. Oh, and, Jane, there seems no doubt about Dal. How +pleased I shall be if it comes off under my wing! The American girl +is simply exquisite, and so vivacious and charming. And Dal has +quite given up being silly--not that _I_ ever thought him silly, but +I know YOU did--and is very quiet and pensive; really were it any +one but he, one would almost say 'dull.' And they roam about +together in the most approved fashion. I try to get the aunt to make +all her remarks to me. I am so afraid of her putting Dal off. He is +so fastidious. I have promised Billy anything, up to the half of my +kingdom, if he will sit at the feet of Mrs. Parker Bangs and listen +to her wisdom, answer her questions, and keep her away from Dal. +Billy is being so abjectly devoted in his attentions to Mrs. Parker +Bangs that I begin to have fears lest he intends asking me to kiss +him; in which case I shall hand him over to you to chastise. You +manage these boys so splendidly. I fully believe Dal will propose to +Pauline Lister tonight. I can't imagine why he didn't last night. +There was a most perfect moon, and they went on the lake. What more +COULD Dal want?--a lake, and a moon, and that lovely girl! Billy +took Mrs. Parker Bangs in a double canoe and nearly upset her +through laughing so much at the things she said about having to sit +flat on the bottom. But he paddled her off to the opposite side of +the lake from Dal and her niece, which was all we wanted. Mrs. +Parker Bangs asked me afterwards whether Billy is a widower. Now +what do you suppose she meant by that?" + +"I haven't the faintest idea," said Jane. "But I am delighted to +hear about Dal and Miss Lister. She is just the girl for him, and +she will soon adapt herself to his ways and needs. Besides, Dal MUST +have flawless loveliness, and really he gets it there." + +"He does indeed," said Myra. "You should have seen her last night, +in white satin, with wild roses in her hair. I cannot imagine why +Dal did not rave. But perhaps it is a good sign that he should take +things more quietly. I suppose he is making up his mind." + +"No," said Jane. "I believe he did that at Overdene. But it means a +lot to him. He takes marriage very seriously. Whom have you at +Shenstone?" + +Lady Ingleby told off a list of names. Jane knew them all. + +"Delightful!" she said. "Oh! how glad I am to be here! London has +been so hot and so dull. I never thought it hot or dull before. I +feel a renegade. Ah! there is the lovely little church! I want to +hear the new organ. I was glad your nice parson remembered me and +let me have a share in it. Has it two manuals or three?" + +"Half a dozen I think," said Lady Ingleby, "and you work them up and +down with your feet. But I judged it wiser to leave them alone when +I played for the children's service one Sunday. You never know quite +what will happen if you touch those mechanical affairs." + +"Don't you mean the composition pedals?" suggested Jane. + +"I dare say I do," said Myra placidly. "Those things underneath, +like foot-rests, which startle you horribly if you accidentally kick +them." + +Jane smiled at the thought of how Garth would throw back his head +and shout, if she told him of this conversation. Lady Ingleby's +musical remarks always amused her friends. + +They passed the village church on the green, ivy-clad, picturesque, +and, half a minute later, swerved in at the park gates. Myra saw +Jane glance at the gate-post they had just shaved, and laughed. "A +miss is as good as a mile," she said, as they dashed up the long +drive between the elms, "as I told dear mamma, when she expostulated +wrathfully with me for what she called my 'furious driving' the +other day. By the way, Jane, dear mamma has been quite CORDIAL +lately. By the time I am seventy and she is ninety-eight I think she +will begin to be almost fond of me. Here we are. Do notice Lawson. +He is new, and such a nice man. He sings so well, and plays the +concertina a little, and teaches in the Sunday-school, and speaks +really quite excellently at temperance meetings. He is extremely +fond of mowing the lawns, and my maid tells me he is studying French +with her. The only thing he seems really incapable of being, is an +efficient butler; which is so unfortunate, as I like him far too +well ever to part with him. Michael says I have a perfectly fatal +habit of LIKING PEOPLE, and of encouraging them to do the things +they do well and enjoy doing, instead of the things they were +engaged to do. I suppose I have; but I do like my household to be +happy." + +They alighted, and Myra trailed into the hall with a lazy grace +which gave no indication of the masterly way she had handled her +ponies, but rather suggested stepping from a comfortable seat in a +barouche. Jane looked with interest at the man-servant who came +forward and deftly assisted them. He had not quite the air of a +butler but neither could she imagine him playing a concertina or +haranguing a temperance meeting and he acquitted himself quite +creditably. + +"Oh, that was not Lawson," explained Myra, as she led the way +upstairs. "I had forgotten. He had to go to the vicarage this +afternoon to see the vicar about a 'service of song' they are +getting up. That was Tom, but we call him 'Jephson' in the house. He +was one of Michael's stud grooms, but he is engaged to one of the +housemaids, and I found he so very much preferred being in the +house, so I have arranged for him to understudy Lawson, and he is +growing side whiskers. I shall have to break it to Michael on his +return from Norway. This way, Jane. We have put you in the Magnolia +room. I knew you would enjoy the view of the lake. Oh, I forgot to +tell you, a tennis tournament is in progress. I must hasten to the +courts. Tea will be going on there, under the chestnuts. Dal and +Ronnie are to play the final for the men's singles. It ought to be a +fine match. It was to come on at about half-past four. Don't wait to +do any changings. Your maid and your luggage can't be here just +yet." + +"Thanks," said Jane; "I always travel in country clothes, and have +done so to-day, as you see. I will just get rid of the railway dust, +and follow you." + +Ten minutes later, guided by sounds of cheering and laughter, Jane +made her way through the shrubbery to the tennis lawns. The whole of +Lady Ingleby's house party was assembled there, forming a +picturesque group under the white and scarlet chestnut-trees. +Beyond, on the beautifully kept turf of the court, an exciting set +was in progress. As she approached, Jane could distinguish Garth's +slim, agile figure, in white flannels and the violet shirt; and +young Ronnie, huge and powerful, trusting to the terrific force of +his cuts and drives to counterbalance Garth's keener eye and swifter +turn of wrist. + +It was a fine game. Garth had won the first set by six to four, and +now the score stood at five to four in Ronnie's favour; but this +game was Garth's service, and he was almost certain to win it. The +score would then be "games all." + +Jane walked along the line of garden chairs to where she saw a +vacant one near Myra. She was greeted with delight, but hurriedly, +by the eager watchers of the game. + +Suddenly a howl went up. Garth had made two faults. + +Jane found her chair, and turned her attention to the game. Almost +instantly shrieks of astonishment and surprise again arose. Garth +had served INTO the net and OVER the line. Game and set were +Ronnie's. + +"one all," remarked Billy. "Well! I never saw Dal do THAT before. +However; it gives us the bliss of watching another set. They are +splendidly matched. Dal is lightning, and Ronnie thunder." + +The players crossed over, Garth rather white beneath his tan. He was +beyond words vexed with himself for failing in his service, at that +critical juncture. Not that he minded losing the set; but it seemed +to him it must be patent to the whole crowd, that it was the sight, +out of the tail of his eye, of a tall grey figure moving quietly +along the line of chairs, which for a moment or two set earth and +sky whirling, and made a confused blur of net and lines. As a matter +of fact, only one of the onlookers connected Garth's loss of the +game with Jane's arrival, and she was the lovely girl, seated +exactly opposite the net, with whom he exchanged a smile and a word +as he crossed to the other side of the court. + +The last set proved the most exciting of the three. Nine hard-fought +games, five to Garth, four to Ronnie. And now Ronnie was serving, +and fighting hard to make it games-all. Over and over enthusiastic +partisans of both shouted "Deuce!" and then when Garth had won the +"vantage," a slashing over-hand service from Ronnie beat him, and it +was "deuce" again. + +"Don't it make one giddy?" said Mrs. Parker Bangs to Billy, who +reclined on the sward at her feet. "I should say it has gone on long +enough. And they must both be wanting their tea. It would have been +kind in Mr. Dalmain to have let that ball pass, anyway." + +"Yes, wouldn't it?" said Billy earnestly. "But you see, Dal is not +naturally kind. Now, if I had been playing against Ronnie, I should +have let those over-hand balls of his pass long ago." + +"I am sure you would," said Mrs. Parker Bangs, approvingly; while +Jane leaned over, at Myra's request, and pinched Billy. + +Slash went Ronnie's racket. "Deuce! deuce!" shouted half a dozen +voices. + +"They shouldn't say that," remarked Mrs. Parker Bangs, "even if they +are mad about it." + +Billy hugged his knees, delightedly; looking up at her with an +expression of seraphic innocence. + +"No. Isn't it sad?" he murmured. "I never say naughty words when I +play. I always say 'Game love.' It sounds so much nicer, I think." + +Jane pinched again, but Billy's rapt gaze at Mrs. Parker Bangs +continued. + +"Billy," said Myra sternly, "go into the hall and fetch my scarlet +sunshade. Yes, I dare say you WILL miss the finish," she added in a +stern whisper, as he leaned over her chair, remonstrating; "but you +richly deserve it." + +"I have made up my mind what to ask, dear queen," whispered Billy as +he returned, breathless, three minutes later and laid the parasol in +Lady Ingleby's lap. "You promised me anything, up to the half of +your kingdom. I will have the head of Mrs. Parker Bangs in a +charger." + +"Oh, shut up, Billy!" exclaimed Jane, "and get out of the light! We +missed that last stroke. What is the score?" + +Once again it was Garth's vantage, and once again Ronnie's arm swung +high for an untakable smasher. + +"Play up, Dal!" cried a voice, amid the general hubbub. + +Garth knew that dear voice. He did not look in its direction, but he +smiled. The next moment his arm shot out like a flash of lightning. +The ball touched ground on Ronnie's side of the net and shot the +length of the court without rising. Ronnie's wild scoop at it was +hopeless. Game and set were Garth's. + +They walked off the ground together, their rackets under their arms, +the flush of a well-contested fight on their handsome faces. It had +been so near a thing that both could sense the thrill of victory. + + Pauline Lister had been sitting with Garth's coat on her lap, and +his watch and chain were in her keeping. He paused a moment to take +them up and receive her congratulations; then, slipping on his coat, +and pocketing his watch, came straight to Jane. + +"How do you do, Miss Champion?" + +His eyes sought hers eagerly; and the welcoming gladness he saw in +them filled him with certainty and content. He had missed her so +unutterably during these days. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday had +just been weary stepping-stones to Friday. It seemed incredible that +one person's absence could make so vast a difference. And yet how +perfect that it should be so; and that they should both realise it, +now the day had come when he intended to tell her how desperately he +wanted her always. Yes, that they should BOTH realise it--for he +felt certain Jane had also experienced the blank. A thing so +complete and overwhelming as the miss of her had been to him could +not be one-sided. And how well worth the experience of these lonely +days if they had thereby learned something of what TOGETHER meant, +now the words were to be spoken which should insure forever no more +such partings. + +All this sped through Garth's mind as he greeted Jane with that most +commonplace of English greetings, the everlasting question which +never receives an answer. But from Garth, at that moment, it did not +sound commonplace to Jane, and she answered it quite frankly and +fully. She wanted above all things to tell him exactly how she did; +to hear all about himself, and compare notes on the happenings of +these three interminable days; and to take up their close +comradeship again, exactly where it had left off. Her hand went home +to his with that firm completeness of clasp, which always made a +hand shake with Jane such a satisfactory and really friendly thing. + +"Very fit, thank you, Dal," she answered. "At least I am every +moment improving in health and spirits, now I have arrived here at +last." + +Garth stood his racket against the arm of her chair and deposited +himself full length on the grass beside her, leaning on his elbow. + +"Was anything wrong with London?" he asked, rather low, not looking +up at her, but at the smart brown shoe, planted firmly on the grass +so near his hand. "Nothing was wrong with London," replied Jane Lady +Ingleby's House Party + +frankly; "it was hot and dusty of course, but delightful as usual. +Something was wrong with ME; and you will be ashamed of me, Dal, if +I confess what it was." + +Garth did not look up, but assiduously picked little blades of grass +and laid them in a pattern on Jane's shoe. This conversation would +have been exactly to the point had they been alone. But was Jane +really going to announce to the assembled company, in that dear, +resonant, carrying voice of hers, the sweet secret of their miss of +one another? + +"Liver?" inquired Mrs. Parker Bangs suddenly. + +"Muffins!" exclaimed Billy instantly, and, rushing for them, almost +shot them into her lap in the haste with which he handed them, +stumbling headlong over Garth's legs at the same moment. + +Jane stared at Mrs. Parker Bangs and her muffins; then looked down +at the top of Garth's dark head, bent low over the grass. + +"I was dull," she said, "intolerably dull. And Dal always says 'only +a dullard is dull.' But I diagnosed my dulness in the train just now +and found it was largely his fault. Do you hear, Dal?" + +Garth lifted his head and looked at her, realising in that moment +that it was, after all, possible for a complete and overwhelming +experience to be one-sided. Jane's calm grey eyes were full of gay +friendliness. + +"It was your fault, my dear boy," said Jane. + +"How so?" queried Garth; and though there was a deep flush on his +sunburned face, his voice was quietly interrogative. + +"Because, during those last days at Overdene, you led me on into a +time of musical dissipation such as I had never known before, and I +missed it to a degree which was positively alarming. I began to fear +for the balance of my well-ordered mind." + +"Well," said Myra, coming out from behind her red parasol, "you and +Dal can have orgies of music here if you want them. You will find a +piano in the drawing-room and another in the hall, and a Bechstein +grand in the billiard-room. That is where I hold the practices for +the men and maids. I could not make up my mind which makers I really +preferred, Erard, Broadwood, Collard, or Bechstein; so by degrees I +collected one of each. And after all I think I play best upon the +little cottage piano we had in the school-room at home. It stands in +my boudoir now. I seem more accustomed to its notes, or it lends +itself better to my way of playing." + +"Thank you, Myra," said Jane. "I fancy Dal and I will like the +Bechstein." + +"And if you want something really exciting in the way of music," +continued Lady Ingleby, "you might attend some of the rehearsals for +this 'service of song' they are getting up in aid of the organ +deficit fund. I believe they are attempting great things." + +"I would sooner pay off the whole deficit, than go within a mile of +a 'service of song,'" said Jane emphatically. + +"Oh, no," put in Garth quickly, noting Myra's look of +disappointment. "It is so good for people to work off their own +debts and earn the things they need in their churches. And 'services +of song' are delightful if well done, as I am sure this will be if +Lady Ingleby's people are in it. Lawson outlined it to me this +morning, and hummed all the principal airs. It is highly dramatic. +Robinson Crusoe--no, of course not! What's the beggar's name? 'Uncle +Tom's Cabin'? Yes, I knew it was something black. Lawson is Uncle +Tom, and the vicar's small daughter is to be little Eva. Miss +Champion, you will walk down with me to the very next rehearsal." + +"Shall I?" said Jane, unconscious of how tender was the smile she +gave him; conscious only that in her own heart was the remembrance +of the evening at Overdene when she felt so inclined to say to him: +"Tell me just what you want me to do, and I will do it." + +"Pauline will just love to go with you," said Mrs. Parker Bangs. +"She dotes on rural music." + +"Rubbish, aunt!" said Miss Lister, who had slipped into an empty +chair near Myra. "I agree with Miss Champion about 'services of +song,' and I don't care for any music but the best." + +Jane turned to her quickly, with a cordial smile and her most +friendly manner. "Ah, but you must come," she said. "We will be +victimised together. And perhaps Dal and Lawson will succeed in +converting us to the cult of the 'service of song.' And anyway it +will be amusing to have Dal explain it to us. He will need the +courage of his convictions." + +"Talking of something 'really exciting in the way of music,'" said +Pauline Lister, "we had it on board when we came over. There was a +nice friendly crowd on board the Arabic, and they arranged a concert +for half-past eight on the Thursday evening. We were about two +hundred miles off the coast of Ireland, and when we came up from +dinner we had run into a dense fog. At eight o'clock they started +blowing the fog-horn every half-minute, and while the fog-horn was +sounding you couldn't hear yourself speak. However, all the +programmes were printed, and it was our last night on board, so they +concluded to have the concert all the same. Down we all trooped into +the saloon, and each item of that programme was punctuated by the +stentorian BOO of the fog-horn every thirty seconds. You never heard +anything so cute as the way it came in, right on time. A man with a +deep bass voice sang ROCKED IN THE CRADLE OF THE DEEP, and each time +he reached the refrain, 'And calm and peaceful is my sle-eep,' BOO +went the fog-horn, casting a certain amount of doubt on our +expectations of peaceful sleep that night, anyway. Then a man with a +sweet tenor sang OFT IN THE STILLY NIGHT, and the fog-horn showed us +just how oft, namely, every thirty seconds. But the queerest effect +of all was when a girl had to play a piano-forte solo. It was +something of Chopin's, full of runs and trills and little silvery +notes. She started all right; but when she was half-way down the +first page, BOO went the fog-horn, a longer blast than usual. We saw +her fingers flying, and the turning of the page, but not a note +could we hear; and when the old horn stopped and we could hear the +piano again, she had reached a place half-way down the second page, +and we hadn't heard what led to it. My! it was funny. That went on +all through. She was a plucky girl to stick to it. We gave her a +good round of applause when she had finished, and the fog-horn +joined in and drowned us. It was the queerest concert experience I +ever had. But we all enjoyed it. Only we didn't enjoy that noise +keeping right on until five o'clock next morning" + + Jane had turned in her chair, and listened with appreciative +interest while the lovely American girl talked, watching, with real +delight, her exquisite face and graceful gestures, and thinking how +Dal must enjoy looking at her when she talked with so much charm and +animation. She glanced down, trying to see the admiration in his +eyes; but his head was bent, and he was apparently absorbed in the +occupation of tracing the broguing of her shoes with the long stalk +of a chestnut leaf. For a moment she watched the slim brown hand, as +carefully intent on this useless task, as if working on a canvas; +then she suddenly withdrew her foot, feeling almost vexed with him +for his inattention and apparent indifference. + + Garth sat up instantly. "It must have been awfully funny," he said. +"And how well you told it. One could hear the fog-horn, and see the +dismayed faces of the performers. Like an earthquake, a fog-horn is +the sort of thing you don't ever get used to. It sounds worse every +time. Let's each tell the funniest thing we remember at a concert. I +once heard a youth recite Tennyson's Charge of the Light Brigade +with much dramatic action. But he was extremely nervous, and got +rather mixed. In describing the attitude of mind of the noble six +hundred, he told us impressively that it was" + +"'Theirs not to make reply; +Theirs not to do or die; +Theirs BUT TO REASON WHY.'" + +"The tone and action were all right, and I doubt whether many of the +audience noticed anything wrong with the words." + + "That reminds me," said Ronald Ingram, "of quite the funniest thing +I ever heard. It was at a Thanksgiving service when some of our +troops returned from South Africa. The proceedings concluded by the +singing of the National Anthem right through. You recollect how +recently we had had to make the change of pronoun, and how difficult +it was to remember not to shout:" + +"'Send HER victorious'? Well, there was a fellow just behind me, +with a tremendous voice, singing lustily, and taking special pains +to get the pronouns correct throughout. And when he reached the +fourth line of the second verse he sang with loyal fervour." + + "'Confound HIS politics, + Frustrate HIS knavish tricks!'" + +"That would amuse the King," said Lady Ingleby. "Are you sure it is +a fact, Ronnie?" + +"Positive! I could tell you the church, and the day, and call a +whole pewful of witnesses who were convulsed by it." + +"Well, I shall tell his Majesty at the next opportunity, and say you +heard it. But how about the tennis? What comes next? Final for +couples? Oh, yes! Dal, you and Miss Lister play Colonel Loraine and +Miss Vermount; and I think you ought to win fairly easily. You two +are so well matched. Jane, this will be worth watching." + +"I am sure it will," said Jane warmly, looking at the two, who had +risen and stood together in the evening sunlight, examining their +rackets and discussing possible tactics, while awaiting their +opponents. They made such a radiantly beautiful couple; it was as if +nature had put her very best and loveliest into every detail of +each. The only fault which could possibly have been found with the +idea of them wedded, was that her dark, slim beauty was so very much +just a feminine edition of his, that they might easily have been +taken for brother and sister; but this was not a fault which +occurred to Jane. Her whole-hearted admiration of Pauline increased +every time she looked at her; and now she had really seen them +together, she felt sure she had given wise advice to Garth, and +rejoiced to know he was taking it. + + * * * * * * * + +Later on, as they strolled back to the house together,--she and +Garth alone,--Jane said, simply: "Dal, you will not mind if I ask? +Is it settled yet?" + +"I mind nothing you ask," Garth replied; "only be more explicit. Is +what settled?" + +"Are you and Miss Lister engaged?" + +"No," Garth answered. "What made you suppose we should be?" + +"You said at Overdene on Tuesday--TUESDAY! oh! doesn't it seem weeks +ago?--you said we were to take you seriously." + +"It seems years ago," said Garth; "and I sincerely hope you will +take me--seriously. All the same I have not proposed to Miss Lister; +and I am anxious for an undisturbed talk with you on the subject. +Miss Champion, after dinner to-night, when all the games and +amusements are in full swing, and we can escape unobserved, will you +come out onto the terrace with me, where I shall be able to speak to +you without fear of interruption? The moonlight on the lake is worth +seeing from the terrace. I spent an hour out there last night--ah, +no; you are wrong for once--I spent it alone, when the boating was +over, and thought of--how--to-night--we might be talking there +together." + +"Certainly I will come," said Jane; "and you must feel free to tell +me anything you wish, and promise to let me advise or help in any +way I can." + +"I will tell you everything," said Garth very low, "and you shall +advise and help as ONLY you can." + + * * * * * * * + +Jane sat on her window-sill, enjoying the sunset and the exquisite +view, and glad of a quiet half-hour before she need think of +summoning her maid. Immediately below her ran the terrace, wide and +gravelled, bounded by a broad stone parapet, behind which was a drop +of eight or ten feet to the old-fashioned garden, with quaint box- +bordered flower-beds, winding walks, and stone fountains. Beyond, a +stretch of smooth lawn sloping down to the lake, which now lay, a +silver mirror, in the soft evening light. The stillness was so +perfect; the sense of peace, so all-pervading. Jane held a book on +her knee, but she was not reading. She was looking away to the +distant woods beyond the lake; then to the pearly sky above, flecked +with rosy clouds and streaked with gleams of gold; and a sense of +content, and gladness, and well-being, filled her. + +Presently she heard a light step on the gravel below and leaned +forward to see to whom it belonged. Garth had come out of the +smoking-room and walked briskly to and fro, once or twice. Then he +threw himself into a wicker seat just beneath her window, and sat +there, smoking meditatively. The fragrance of his cigarette reached +Jane, up among the magnolia blossoms. "'Zenith,' Marcovitch," she +said to herself, and smiled. "Packed in jolly green boxes, twelve +shillings a hundred! I must remember in case I want to give him a +Christmas present. By then it will be difficult to find anything +which has not already been showered upon him." + +Garth flung away the end of his cigarette, and commenced humming +below his breath; then gradually broke into words and sang softly, +in his sweet barytone: + + "'It is not mine to sing the stately grace, + The great soul beaming in my lady's face.'" + +The tones, though quiet, were so vibrant with passionate feeling, +that Jane felt herself an eavesdropper. She hastily picked a large +magnolia leaf and, leaning out, let it fall upon his head. Garth +started, and looked up. "Hullo!" he said. "YOU--up there?" + +"Yes," said Jane, laughing down at him, and speaking low lest other +casements should be open, "I--up here. You are serenading the wrong +window, dear 'devout lover.'" + +"What a lot you know about it," remarked Garth, rather moodily. + +"Don't I?" whispered Jane. "But you must not mind, Master Garthie, +because you know how truly I care. In old Margery's absence, you +must let me be mentor." + +Garth sprang up and stood erect, looking up at her, half-amused, +half-defiant. + +"Shall I climb the magnolia?" he said. "I have heaps to say to you +which cannot be shouted to the whole front of the house. " + +"Certainly not," replied Jane. "I don't want any Romeos coming in at +my window. 'Hoity-toity! What next?' as Aunt 'Gina would say. Run +along and change your pinafore, Master Garthie. The 'heaps of +things' must keep until to-night, or we shall both be late for +dinner." + +"All right," said Garth, "all right. But you will come out here this +evening, Miss Champion? And you will give me as long as I want?" + +"I will come as soon as we can possibly escape," replied Jane; "and +you cannot be more anxious to tell me everything than I am to hear +it. Oh! the scent of these magnolias! And just look at the great +white trumpets! Would you like one for your buttonhole?" + +He gave her a wistful, whimsical little smile; then turned and went +indoors. + +"Why do I feel so inclined to tease him?" mused Jane, as she moved, +from the window. "Really it is I who have been silly this time; and +he, staid and sensible. Myra is quite right. He is taking it very +seriously. And how about her? Ah! I hope she cares enough, and in +the right way.--Come in, Matthews! And you can put out the gown I +wore on the night of the concert at Overdene, and we must make +haste. We have just twenty minutes. What a lovely evening! Before +you do anything else, come and see this sunset on the lake. Ah! it +is good to be here!" + + + + +CHAPTER X + +THE REVELATION + + +All the impatience in the world could not prevent dinner at +Shenstone from being a long function, and two of the most popular +people in the party could not easily escape afterwards unnoticed. So +a distant clock in the village was striking ten, as Garth and Jane +stepped out on to the terrace together. Garth caught up a rug in +passing, and closed the door of the lower hall carefully behind him. + +They were quite alone. It was the first time they had been really +alone since these days apart, which had seemed so long to both. + +They walked silently, side by side, to the wide stone parapet +overlooking the old-fashioned garden. The silvery moonlight flooded +the whole scene with radiance. They could see the stiff box-borders, +the winding paths, the queerly shaped flower-beds, and, beyond, the +lake, like a silver mirror, reflecting the calm loveliness of the +full moon. + +Garth spread the rug on the coping, and Jane sat down. He stood +beside her, one foot on the coping, his arms folded across his +chest, his head erect. Jane had seated herself sideways, turning +towards him, her back to an old stone lion mounting guard upon the +parapet; but she turned her head still further, to look down upon +the lake, and she thought Garth was looking in the same direction. + +But Garth was looking at Jane. + +She wore the gown of soft trailing black material she had worn at +the Overdene concert, only she had not on the pearls or, indeed, any +ornament save a cluster of crimson rambler roses. They nestled in +the soft, creamy old lace which covered the bosom of her gown. There +was a quiet strength and nobility about her attitude which thrilled +the soul of the man who stood watching her. All the adoring love, +the passion of worship, which filled his heart, rose to his eyes and +shone there. No need to conceal it now. His hour had come at last, +and he had nothing to hide from the woman he loved. + +Presently she turned, wondering why he did not begin his confidences +about Pauline Lister. Looking up inquiringly, she met his eyes. + +"Dal!" cried Jane, and half rose from her seat. "Oh, Dal,--don't!" + +He gently pressed her back. "Hush, dear," he said. "I must tell you +everything, and you have promised to listen, and to advise and help. +Ah, Jane, Jane! I shall need your help. I want it so greatly, and +not only your help, Jane--but YOU--you, yourself. Ah, how I want +you! These three days have been one continual ache of loneliness, +because you were not there; and life began to live and move again, +when you returned. And yet it has been so hard, waiting all these +hours to speak. I have so much to tell you, Jane, of all you are to +me--all you have become to me, since the night of the concert. Ah, +how can I express it? I have never had any big things in my life; +all has been more or less trivial--on the surface. This need of you- +-this wanting you--is so huge. It dwarfs all that went before; it +would overwhelm all that is to come,--were it not that it will be +the throne, the crown, the summit, of the future.--Oh, Jane! I have +admired so many women. I have raved about them, sighed for them, +painted them, and forgotten them. But I never LOVED a woman before; +I never knew what womanhood meant to a man, until I heard your voice +thrill through the stillness--'I count each pearl.' Ah, beloved, I +have learned to count pearls since then, precious hours in the past, +long forgotten, now remembered, and at last understood. 'Each hour a +pearl, each pearl a prayer,' ay, a passionate plea that past and +present may blend together into a perfect rosary, and that the +future may hold no possibility of pain or parting. Oh, Jane--Jane! +Shall I ever be able to make you understand--all--how much--Oh, +JANE!" + +She was not sure just when he had come so near; but he had dropped +on one knee in front of her, and, as he uttered the last broken +sentences, he passed both his arms around her waist and pressed his +face into the soft lace at her bosom. A sudden quietness came over +him. All struggling with explanations seemed hushed into the silence +of complete comprehension--an all-pervading, enveloping silence. + +Jane neither moved nor spoke. It was so strangely sweet to have him +there--this whirlwind of emotion come home to rest, in a great +stillness, just above her quiet heart. Suddenly she realised that +the blank of the last three days had not been the miss of the music, +but the miss of HIM; and as she realised this, she: unconsciously +put her arms about him. Sensations unknown to her before, awoke and +moved within her,--a heavenly sense of aloofness from the world, the +loneliness of life all swept away by this dear fact--just he and she +together. Even as she thought it, felt it, he lifted his head, still +holding her, and looking into her face, said: "You and I together, +my own--my own." + +But those beautiful shining eyes were more than Jane could bear. The +sense of her plainness smote her, even in that moment; and those +adoring eyes seemed lights that revealed it. With no thought in her +mind but to hide the outward part from him who had suddenly come so +close to the shrine within, she quickly put both hands behind his +head and pressed his face down again, into the lace at her bosom. +But, to him, those dear firm hands holding him close, by that sudden +movement, seemed an acceptance of himself and of all. he had to +offer. For ten, twenty, thirty exquisite seconds, his soul throbbed +in silence and rapture beyond words. Then he broke from the pressure +of those restraining hands; lifted his head, and looked into her +face once more. + +"My wife!" he said. + + * * * * * * * + +Into Jane's honest face came a look of startled wonder; then a deep +flush, seeming to draw all the blood, which had throbbed so +strangely through her heart, into her cheeks, making them burn, and +her heart die within her. She disengaged herself from his hold, +rose, and stood looking away to where the still waters of the lake +gleamed silver in the moonlight. + +Garth Dalmain stood beside her. He did not touch her, nor did he +speak again. He felt sure he had won; and his whole soul was filled +with a gladness unspeakable. His spirit was content. The intense +silence seemed more expressive than words. Any ordinary touch would +have dimmed the sense of those moments when her hands had held him +to her. So he stood quite still and waited. + +At last Jane spoke. "Do you mean that you wish to ask me to be--to +be THAT--to you?" + +"Yes, dear," he answered, gently; but in his voice vibrated the +quiet of strong self-control. "At least I came out here intending to +ask it of you. But I cannot ask it now, beloved. I can't ask you TO +BE what you ARE already. No promise, no ceremony, no giving or +receiving of a ring, could make you more my wife than you have been +just now in those wonderful moments." + +Jane slowly turned and looked at him. She had never seen anything so +radiant as his face. But still those shining eyes smote her like +swords. She longed to cover them with her hands; or bid him look +away over the woods and water, while he went on saying these sweet +things to her. She put up one foot on the low parapet, leaned her +elbow on her knee, and shielded her face with her hand. Then she +answered him, trying to speak calmly. + +"You have taken me absolutely by surprise, Dal. I knew you had been +delightfully nice and attentive since the concert evening, and that +our mutual understanding of music and pleasure in it, coupled with +an increased intimacy brought about by our confidential conversation +under the cedar, had resulted in an unusually close and delightful +friendship. I honestly admit it seems to have--it has--meant more to +me than any friendship has ever meant. But that was partly owing to +your temperament, Dal, which tends to make you always the most vivid +spot in one's mental landscape. But truly I thought you wanted me +out here in order to pour out confidences about Pauline Lister. +Everybody believes that her loveliness has effected your final +capture, and truly, Dal, truly--I thought so, too." Jane paused. + +"Well?" said the quiet voice, with its deep undertone of gladness. +"You know otherwise now." + +"Dal--you have so startled and astonished me. I cannot give you an +answer to-night. You must let me have until to-morrow--to-morrow +morning." + +"But, beloved," he said tenderly, moving a little nearer, "there is +no more need for you to answer than I felt need to put a question. +Can't you realise this? Question and answer were asked and given +just now. Oh, my dearest--come back to me. Sit down again." + +But Jane stood rigid. + +"No," she said. "I can't allow you to take things for granted in +this way. You took me by surprise, and I lost my head utterly-- +unpardonably, I admit. But, my dear boy, marriage is a serious +thing. Marriage is not a mere question of sentiment. It has to wear. +It has to last. It must have a solid and dependable foundation, to +stand the test and strain of daily life together. I know so many +married couples intimately. I stay in their homes, and act sponsor +to their children; with the result that I vowed never to risk it +myself. And now I have let you put this question, and you must not +wonder if I ask for twelve hours to think it over." + +Garth took this silently. He sat down on the stone coping with his +back to the lake and, leaning backward, tried to see her face; but +the hand completely screened it. He crossed his knees and clasped +both hands around them, rocking slightly backward and forward for a +minute while mastering the impulse to speak or act violently. He +strove to compose his mind by fixing it upon trivial details which +chanced to catch his eye. His red socks showed clearly in the +moonlight against the white paving of the terrace, and looked well +with black patent-leather shoes. He resolved always to wear red silk +socks in the evening, and wondered whether Jane would knit some for +him. He counted the windows along the front of the house, noting +which were his and which were Jane's, and how many came between. At +last he knew he could trust himself, and, leaning back, spoke very +gently, his dark head almost touching the lace of her sleeve. + +"Dearest--tell me, didn't you feel just now--" + +"Oh, hush!". cried Jane, almost harshly, "hush, Dal! Don't talk +about feelings with this question between us. Marriage is fact, not +feeling. If you want to do really the best thing for us both, go +straight indoors now and don't speak to me again to-night. I heard +you say you were going to try the organ in the church on the common +at eleven o'clock to-morrow morning. Well--I will come there soon +after half-past eleven and listen while you play; and at noon you +can send away the blower, and I will give you my answer. But now-- +oh, go away, dear; for truly I cannot bear anymore. I must be left +alone." + +Garth loosed the strong fingers clasped so tightly round his knee. +He slipped the hand next to her along the stone coping, close to her +foot. She felt him take hold of her gown with those deft, masterful +fingers. Then he bent his dark head quickly, and whispering: "I kiss +the cross," with a gesture of infinite reverence and tenderness, +which Jane never forgot, he kissed the hem of her skirt. The next +moment she was alone. + +She listened while his footsteps died away. She heard the door into +the lower hall open and close. Then slowly she sat down just as she +had sat when he knelt in front of her. Now she was quite alone. The +tension of these last hard moments relaxed. She pressed both hands +over the lace at her bosom where that dear, beautiful, adoring face +had been hidden. Had she FELT, he asked. Ah! what had she not felt? + +Tears never came easily to Jane. But to-night she had been called a +name by which she had never thought to be called; and already her +honest heart was telling her she would never be called by it again. +And large silent tears overflowed and fell upon her hands and upon +the lace at her breast. For the wife and the mother in her had been +wakened and stirred, and the deeps of her nature broke through the +barriers of stern repression and almost masculine self-control, and +refused to be driven back without the womanly tribute of tears. + +And around her feet lay the scattered petals of crushed rambler +roses. + + * * * * * * * + +Presently she passed indoors. The upper hall was filled with merry +groups and resounded with "good-nights" as the women mounted the +great staircase, pausing to fling back final repartees, or to +confirm plans for the morrow. + +Garth Dalmain was standing at the foot of the staircase, held in +conversation by Pauline Lister and her aunt, who had turned on the +fourth step. Jane saw his slim, erect figure and glossy head the +moment she entered the hall. His back was towards her, and though +she advanced and stood quite near, he gave no sign of being aware of +her presence. But the joyousness of his voice seemed to make him +hers again in this new sweet way. She alone knew what had caused it, +and unconsciously she put one hand over her bosom as she listened. + +"Sorry, dear ladies," Garth was saying, "but to-morrow morning is +impossible. I have an engagement in the village. Yes--really! At +eleven o'clock." + +"That sounds so rural and pretty, Mr. Dalmain," said Mrs. Parker +Bangs. "Why not take Pauline and me along? We have seen no dairies, +and no dairy-maids, nor any of the things in Adam Bede, since we +came over. I would just love to step into Mrs. Poyser's kitchen and +see myself reflected in the warming-pans on the walls." + +"Perhaps we would be DE TROP in the dairy," murmured Miss Lister +archly. + +She looked very lovely in her creamy-white satin gown, her small +head held regally, the brilliant charm of American womanhood +radiating from her. She wore no jewels, save one string of perfectly +matched pearls; but on Pauline Lister's neck even pearls seemed to +sparkle. + +All these scintillations, flung at Garth, passed over his sleek head +and reached Jane where she lingered in the background. She took in +every detail. Never had Miss Lister's loveliness been more correctly +appraised. + +"But it happens, unfortunately, to be neither a dairy-maid nor a +warming-pan," said Garth. "My appointment is with a very grubby +small boy, whose rural beauties consist in a shock of red hair and a +whole pepper-pot of freckles." + +"Philanthropic?" inquired Miss Lister. + +"Yes, at the rate of threepence an hour." + +"A caddy, of course," cried both ladies together. + +"My! What a mystery about a thing so simple!" added Mrs. Parker +Bangs. "Now we have heard, Mr. Dalmain, that it is well worth the +walk to the links to see you play. So you may expect us to arrive +there, time to see you start around. " + +Garth's eyes twinkled. Jane could hear the twinkle in his voice. "My +dear lady," he said, "you overestimate my play as, in your great +kindness of heart, you overestimate many other things connected with +me. But I shall like to think of you at the golf links at eleven +o'clock to-morrow morning. You might drive there, but the walk +through the woods is too charming to miss. Only remember, you cross +the park and leave by the north gate, not the main entrance by which +we go to the railway station. I would offer to escort you, but duty +takes me, at an early hour, in quite another direction. Besides, +when Miss Lister's wish to see the links is known, so many people +will discover golf to be the one possible way of spending to-morrow +morning, that I should be but a unit in the crowd which will troop +across the park to the north gate. It will be quite impossible for +you to miss your way." + +Mrs. Parker Bangs was beginning to explain elaborately that never, +under any circumstances, could he be a unit, when her niece +peremptorily interposed. + +"That will do, aunt. Don't be silly. We are all units, except when +we make a crowd; which is what we are doing on this staircase at +this present moment, so that Miss Champion has for some time been +trying ineffectually to pass us. Do you golf to-morrow, Miss +Champion?" + +Garth stood on one side, and Jane began to mount the stairs. He did +not look at her, but it seemed to Jane that his eyes were on the hem +of her gown as it trailed past him. She paused beside Miss Lister. +She knew exactly how effectual a foil she made to the American +girl's white loveliness. She turned and faced him. She wished him to +look up and see them standing there together. She wanted the artist +eyes to take in the cruel contrast. She wanted the artist soul of +him to realise it. She waited. + +Garth's eyes were still on the hem of her gown, close to the left +foot; but he lifted them slowly to the lace at her bosom, where her +hand still lay. There they rested a moment, then dropped again, +without rising higher. + +"Yes," said Mrs. Parker Bangs, "are you playing around with Mr. +Dalmain to-morrow forenoon, Miss Champion?" + +Jane suddenly flushed crimson, and then was furious with herself for +blushing, and hated the circumstances which made her feel and act so +unlike her ordinary self. She hesitated during the long dreadful +moment. How dared Garth behave in that way? People would think there +was something unusual about her gown. She felt a wild impulse to +stoop and look at it herself to see whether his kiss had +materialised and was hanging like a star to the silken hem. Then she +forced herself to calmness and answered rather brusquely: "I am not +golfing to-morrow; but you could not do better than go to the links. +Good-night, Mrs. Parker Bangs. Sleep well, Miss Lister. Good-night, +Dal." + +Garth was on the step below them, handing Pauline's aunt a letter +she had dropped. + +"Good-night, Miss Champion," he said, and for one instant his eyes +met hers, but he did not hold out his hand, or appear to see hers +half extended. + +The three women mounted the staircase together, then went different +ways. Miss Lister trailed away down a passage to the right, her aunt +trotting in her wake. + +"There's been a tiff there," said Mrs. Parker Bangs. + +"Poor thing!" said Miss Lister softly. "I like her. She's a real +good sort. I should have thought she would have been more sensible +than the rest of us." + +"A real plain sort," said her aunt, ignoring the last sentence. + +"Well, she didn't make her own face," said Miss Lister generously. + +"No, and she don't pay other people to make it for her. She's what +Sir Walter Scott calls: 'Nature in all its ruggedness.'" + +"Dear aunt," remarked Miss Lister wearily, "I wish you wouldn't +trouble to quote the English classics to me when we are alone. It is +pure waste of breath, because you see I KNOW you have read them all. +Here is my door. Now come right in and make yourself comfy on that +couch. I am going to sit in this palatial arm-chair opposite, and do +a little very needful explaining. My! How they fix one to the floor! +These ancestral castles are all right so far as they go, but they +don't know a thing about rockers. Now I have a word or two to say +about Miss Champion. She's a real good sort, and I like her. She's +not a beauty; but she has a fine figure, and she dresses right. She +has heaps of money, and could have rarer pearls than mine; but she +knows better than to put pearls on that brown skin. I like a woman +who knows her limitations and is sensible over them. All the men +adore her, not for what she looks but for what she is, and, my word, +aunt, that's what pays in the long run. That is what lasts. Ten +years hence the Honourable Jane will still be what she is, and I +shall be trying to look what I'm not. As for Garth Dalmain, he has +eyes for all of us and a heart for none. His pretty speeches and +admiring looks don't mean marriage, because he is a man with an +ideal of womanhood and he can't see himself marrying below it. If +the Sistine Madonna could step down off those clouds and hand the +infant to the young woman on her left, he might marry HER; but even +then he would be afraid he might see some one next day who did her +hair more becomingly, or that her foot would not look so well on his +Persian rugs as it does on that cloud. He won't marry money, because +he has plenty of it. And even if he hadn't, money made in candles +would not appeal to him. He won't marry beauty, because he thinks +too much about it. He adores so many lovely faces, that he is never +sure for twenty-four hours which of them he admires most, bar the +fact that, as in the case of fruit trees, the unattainable are +usually the most desired. He won't marry goodness--virtue--worth-- +whatever you choose to call the sterling qualities of character-- +because in all these the Honourable Jane Champion is his ideal, and +she is too sensible a woman to tie such an epicure to her plain +face. Besides, she considers herself his grandmother, and doesn't +require him to teach her to suck eggs. But Garth Dalmain, poor boy, +is so sublimely lacking in self-consciousness that he never +questions whether he can win his ideal. He possesses her already in +his soul, and it will be a fearful smack in the face when she says +'No,' as she assuredly will do, for reasons aforesaid. These three +days, while he has been playing around with me, and you and other +dear match-making old donkeys have gambolled about us, and made sure +we were falling in love, he has been worshipping the ground she +walks on, and counting the hours until he should see her walk on it +again. He enjoyed being with me more than with the other girls, +because I understood, and helped him to work all conversations round +to her, and he knew, when she arrived here, I could be trusted to +develop sudden anxiety about you, or have important letters to +write, if she came in sight. But that is all there will ever be +between me and Garth Dalmain; and if you had a really careful regard +for my young affections you would drop your false set on the marble +wash-stand, or devise some other equally false excuse for our +immediate departure for town to-morrow.--And now, dear, don't stay +to argue; because I have said exactly all there is to say on the +subject, and a little more. And try to toddle to bed without telling +me of which cute character in Dickens I remind you, because I am +cuter than any of them, and if I stay in this tight frock another +second I can't answer for the consequences.--Oui, Josephine, +entrez!--Good-night, dear aunt. Happy dreams!" + +But after her maid had left her, Pauline switched off the electric +light and, drawing back the curtain, stood for a long while at her +window, looking out at the peaceful English scene bathed in +moonlight. At last she murmured softly, leaning her beautiful head +against the window frame: + +"I stated your case well, but you didn't quite deserve it, Dal. You +ought to have let me know about Jane, weeks ago. Anyway, it will +stop the talk about you and me. And as for you, dear, you will go on +sighing for the moon; and when you find the moon is unattainable, +you will not dream of seeking solace in more earthly lights--not +even poppa's best sperm, "she added, with a wistful little smile, +for Pauline's fun sparkled in solitude as freely as in company, and +as often at her own expense as at that of other people, and her +brave American spirit would not admit, even to herself, a serious +hurt. + +Meanwhile Jane had turned to the left and passed slowly to her room. +Garth had not taken her half-proffered hand, and she knew perfectly +well why. He would never again be content to clasp her hand in +friendship. If she cut him off from the touch which meant absolute +possession, she cut herself off from the contact of simple +comradeship. Garth, to-night, was like a royal tiger who had tasted +blood. It seemed a queer simile, as she thought of him in his +conventional evening clothes, correct in every line, well-groomed, +smart almost to a fault. But out on the terrace with him she had +realised, for the first time, the primal elements which go to the +making of a man--a forceful determined, ruling man--creation's king. +They echo of primeval forests. The roar of the lion is in them, the +fierceness of the tiger; the instinct of dominant possession, which +says: "Mine to have and hold, to fight for and enjoy; and I slay all +comers!" She had felt it, and her own brave soul had understood it +and responded to it, unafraid; and been ready to mate with it, if +only--ah! if only-- + +But things could never be again as they had been before. If she +meant to starve her tiger, steel bars must be between them for +evermore. None of those sentimental suggestions of attempts to be a +sort of unsatisfactory cross between sister and friend would do for +the man whose head she had unconsciously held against her breast. +Jane knew this. He had kept himself magnificently in hand after she +put him from her, but she knew he was only giving her breathing +space. He still considered her his own, and his very certainty of +the near future had given him that gentle patience in the present. +But even now, while her answer pended, he would not take her hand in +friendship. Jane closed her door and locked it. She must face this +problem of the future, with all else locked out excepting herself +and him. Ah! if she could but lock herself out and think only of him +and of his love, as beautiful, perfect gifts laid at her feet, that +she might draw them up into her empty arms and clasp them there for +evermore. Just for a little while she would do this. One hour of +realisation was her right. Afterwards she must bring HERSELF into +the problem,--her possibilities; her limitations; herself, in her +relation to him in the future; in the effect marriage with her would +be likely to have upon him. What it might mean to her did not +consciously enter into her calculations. Jane was self-conscious, +with the intense self-consciousness of all reserved natures, but she +was not selfish. + +At first, then, she left her room in darkness, and, groping her way +to the curtains, drew them back, threw up the sash, and, drawing a +chair to the window, sat down, leaning her elbows on the sill and +her chin in her hands, and looked down upon the terrace, still +bathed in moonlight. Her window was almost opposite the place where +she and Garth had talked. She could see the stone lion and the vase +full of scarlet geraniums. She could locate the exact spot where she +was sitting when he--Memory awoke, vibrant. + +Then Jane allowed herself the most wonderful mental experience of +her life. She was a woman of purpose and decision. She had said she +had a right to that hour, and she took it to the full. In soul she +met her tiger and mated with him, unafraid. He had not asked whether +she loved him or not, and she did not need to ask herself. She +surrendered her proud liberty, and tenderly, humbly, wistfully, yet +with all the strength of her strong nature, promised to love, +honour, and obey him. She met the adoration of his splendid eyes +without a tremor. She had locked her body out. She was alone with +her soul; and her soul was all-beautiful--perfect for him. + +The loneliness of years slipped from her. Life became rich and +purposeful. He needed her always, and she was always there and +always able to meet his need. "Are you content, my beloved?" she +asked over and over; and Garth's joyous voice, with the ring of +perpetual youth in it, always answered: "Perfectly content." And +Jane smiled into the night, and in the depths of her calm eyes +dawned a knowledge hitherto unknown, and in her tender smile +trembled, with unspeakable sweetness, an understanding of the secret +of a woman's truest bliss. "He is mine and I am his. And because he +is mine, my beloved is safe; and because I am his, he is content." + +Thus she gave herself completely; gathering him into the shelter of +her love; and her generous heart expanded to the greatness of the +gift. Then the mother in her awoke and realised how much of the +maternal flows into the love of a true woman when she understands +how largely the child-nature predominates in the man in love, and +how the very strength of his need of her reduces to unaccustomed +weakness the strong nature to which she has become essential. + +Jane pressed her hands upon her breast. "Garth," she whispered, +"Garth, I UNDERSTAND. My own poor boy, it was so hard to you to be +sent away just then. But you had had all--all you wanted, in those +few wonderful moments, and nothing can rob you of that fact. And you +have made me SO yours that, whatever the future brings for you and +me, no other face will ever be hidden here. It is yours, and I am +yours--to-night, and henceforward, forever." + +Jane leaned her forehead on the window-sill. The moonlight fell on +the heavy coils of her brown hair. The scent of the magnolia blooms +rose in fragrance around her. The song of a nightingale purled and +thrilled in an adjacent wood. The lonely years of the past, the +perplexing moments of the present, the uncertain vistas of the +future, all rolled away. She sailed with Garth upon a golden ocean +far removed from the shores of time. For love is eternal; and the +birth of love frees the spirit from all limitations of the flesh. + + * * * * * * * + +A clock in the distant village struck midnight. The twelve strokes +floated up to Jane's window across the moonlit park. Time was once +more. Her freed spirit resumed the burden of the body. + +A new day had begun, the day upon which she had promised her answer +to Garth. The next time that clock struck twelve she would be +standing with him in the church, and her answer must be ready. + +She turned from the window without closing it, drew the curtains +closely across, switched on the electric light over the writing- +table, took off her evening gown, hung up bodice and skirt in the +wardrobe, resolutely locking the door upon them. Then she slipped on +a sage-green wrapper, which she had lately purchased at a bazaar +because every one else fled from it, and the old lady whose +handiwork it was seemed so disappointed, and, drawing a chair near +the writing-table, took out her diary, unlocked the heavy clasp, and +began to read. She turned the pages slowly, pausing here and there, +until she came to those she sought. Over them she pondered long, her +head in her hands. They contained a very full account of her +conversation with Garth on the afternoon of the day of the concert +at Overdene; and the lines upon which she specially dwelt were +these: "His face was transfigured. . . . Goodness and inspiration +shone from it, making it as the face of an angel. . . . I never +thought him ugly again. Child though I was, I could differentiate +even then between ugliness and plainness. I have associated his face +ever since with the wondrous beauty of his soul. When he sat down, +at the close of his address, I no longer thought him a complicated +form of chimpanzee. I remembered the divine halo of his smile. Of +course it was not the sort of face one COULD have wanted to live +with, or to have day after day opposite one at table, but then one +was not called to that sort of discipline, which would have been +martyrdom to me. And he has always stood to my mind since as a proof +of the truth that goodness is never ugly, and that divine love and +aspiration, shining through the plainest features, may redeem them, +temporarily, into beauty; and permanently, into a thing one loves to +remember." + +At first Jane read the entire passage. Then her mind focussed itself +upon one sentence: "Of course it was not the sort of face one COULD +have wanted to live with, or to have day after day opposite one at +table, . . . which would have been martyrdom to me." + +At length Jane arose, turned on all the lights over the dressing- +table, particularly two bright ones on either side of the mirror, +and, sitting down before it, faced herself honestly. + + * * * * * * * + +When the village clock struck one, Garth Dalmain stood at his window +taking a final look at the night which had meant so much to him. He +remembered, with an amused smile, how, to help himself to calmness, +he had sat on the terrace and thought of his socks, and then had +counted the windows between his and Jane's. There were five of them. +He knew her window by the magnolia tree and the seat beneath it +where he had chanced to sit, not knowing she was above him. He +leaned far out and looked towards it now. The curtains were drawn, +but there appeared still to be a light behind them. Even as he +watched, it went out. + +He looked down at the terrace. He could see the stone lion and the +vase of scarlet geraniums. He could locate the exact spot where she +was sitting when he-- + +Then he dropped upon his knees beside the window and looked up into +the starry sky. + +Garth's mother had lived long enough to teach him the holy secret of +her sweet patience and endurance. In moments of deep feeling, words +from his mother's Bible came to his lips more readily than +expressions of his own thought. Now, looking upward, he repeated +softly and reverently: "'Every good gift and every perfect gift is +from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is +no variableness, neither shadow of turning.' And oh, Father," he +added, "keep us in the light--she and I. May there be in us, as +there is in Thee, no variableness, neither shadow which is cast by +turning." + +Then he rose to his feet and looked across once more to the stone +lion and the broad coping. His soul sang within him, and he folded +his arms across his chest. "My wife!" he said. "Oh! my wife!" + + * * * * * * * + +And, as the village clock struck one, Jane arrived at her decision. + +Slowly she rose, and turned off all the lights; then, groping her +way to the bed, fell upon her knees beside it, and broke into a +passion of desperate, silent weeping. + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +GARTH FINDS THE CROSS + + +The village church on the green was bathed in sunshine as Jane +emerged from the cool shade of the park. The clock proclaimed the +hour half-past eleven, and Jane did not hasten, knowing she was not +expected until twelve. The windows of the church were open, and the +massive oaken doors stood ajar. + +Jane paused beneath the ivy-covered porch and stood listening. The +tones of the organ reached her as from an immense distance, and yet +with an all-pervading nearness. The sound was disassociated from +hands and feet. The organ seemed breathing, and its breath was +music. + +Jane pushed the heavy door further open, and even at that moment it +occurred to her that the freckled boy with a red head, and Garth's +slim proportions, had evidently passed easily through an aperture +which refused ingress to her more massive figure. She pushed the +door further open, and went in. + +Instantly a stillness entered into her soul. The sense of unseen +presences, often so strongly felt on entering an empty church alone, +the impress left upon old walls and rafters by the worshipping minds +of centuries, hushed the insistent beating of her own perplexity, +and for a few moments she forgot the errand which brought her there, +and bowed her head in unison with the worship of ages. + +Garth was playing the "Veni, Creator Spiritus" to Attwood's perfect +setting; and, as Jane walked noiselessly up to the chancel, he began +to sing the words of the second verse. He sang them softly, but his +beautifully modulated barytone carried well, and every syllable +reached her. + + "Enable with perpetual light + The dulness of our blinded sight; + Anoint and cheer our soiled face + With the abundance of Thy grace; + Keep far our foes; give peace at home; + Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come." + +Then the organ swelled into full power, pealing out the theme of the +last verse without its words, and allowing those he had sung to +repeat themselves over and over in Jane's mind: "Where Thou art +Guide, no ill can come." Had she not prayed for guidance? Then +surely all would be well. + +She paused at the entrance to the chancel. Garth had returned to the +second verse, and was singing again, to a waldflute accompaniment, +"Enable with perpetual light--." + +Jane seated herself in one of the old oak stalls and looked around +her. The brilliant sunshine from without entered through the +stained-glass windows, mellowed into golden beams of soft amber +light, with here and there a shaft of crimson. What a beautiful +expression--perpetual light! As Garth sang it, each syllable seemed +to pierce the silence like a ray of purest sunlight. "The dulness +of--" Jane could just see the top of his dark head over the heavy +brocade of the organ curtain. She dreaded the moment when he should +turn, and those vivid eyes should catch sight of her--"our blinded +sight." How would he take what she must say? Would she have strength +to come through a long hard scene? Would he be tragically heart- +broken?--"Anoint and cheer our soiled face"--Would he argue, and +insist, and override her judgment?--"With the abundance of Thy +grace"--Could she oppose his fierce strength, if he chose to exert +it? Would they either of them come through so hard a time without +wounding each other terribly?--"Keep far our foes; give peace at +home"--Oh! what could she say? What would he say? How should she +answer? What reason could she give for her refusal which Garth would +ever take as final?--"Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come." + +And then, after a few soft, impromptu chords; the theme changed. + +Jane's heart stood still. Garth was playing "The Rosary." He did not +sing it; but the soft insistence of the organ pipes seemed to press +the words into the air, as no voice could have done. Memory's +pearls, in all the purity of their gleaming preciousness, were +counted one by one by the flute and dulciana; and the sadder tones +of the waldflute proclaimed the finding of the cross. It all held a +new meaning for Jane, who looked helplessly round, as if seeking +some way of escape from the sad sweetness of sound which filled the +little church. + +Suddenly it ceased. Garth stood up, turned, and saw her. The glory +of a great joy leaped into his face. + +"All right, Jimmy," he said; "that will do for this morning. And +here is a bright sixpence, because you have managed the blowing so +well. Hullo! It's a shilling! Never mind. You shall have it because +it is such a glorious day. There never was such a day, Jimmy; and I +want you to be happy also. Now run off quickly, and shut the church +door behind you, my boy." + +Ah! how his voice, with its ring of buoyant gladness, shook her +soul. + +The red-headed boy, rather grubby, with a whole pepper-pot of +freckles, but a beaming face of pleasure, came out from behind the +organ, clattered down a side aisle; dropped his shilling on the way +and had to find it; but at last went out, the heavy door closing +behind him with a resounding clang. + +Garth had remained standing beside the organ, quite motionless, +without looking at Jane, and now that they were absolutely alone in +the church, he still stood and waited a few moments. To Jane those +moments seemed days, weeks, years, an eternity. Then he came out +into the centre of the chancel, his head erect, his eyes shining, +his whole bearing that of a conqueror sure of his victory. He walked +down to the quaintly carved oaken screen and, passing beneath it, +stood at the step. Then he signed to Jane to come and stand beside +him. + +"Here, dearest," he said; "let it be here." + +Jane came to him, and for a moment they stood together, looking up +the chancel. It was darker than the rest of the church, being +lighted only by three narrow stained-glass windows, gems of colour +and of significance. The centre window, immediately over the +communion table, represented the Saviour of the world, dying upon +the cross. They gazed at it in reverent silence. Then Garth turned +to Jane. + +"My beloved," he said, "it is a sacred Presence and a sacred place. +But no place could be too sacred for that which we have to say to +each other, and the Holy Presence, in which we both believe, is here +to bless and ratify it. I am waiting for your answer." + +Jane cleared her throat and put her trembling hands into the large +pockets of her tweed coat. + +"Dal," she said; "my answer is a question. How old are you?" + +She felt his start of intense surprise. She saw the light of +expectant joy fade from his face. But he replied, after only a +momentary hesitation: "I thought you knew, dearest. I am twenty- +seven." + +"Well," said Jane slowly and deliberately, "I am thirty; and I look +thirty-five, and feel forty. You are twenty-seven, Dal, and you look +nineteen, and often feel nine. I have been thinking it over, and-- +you know--I cannot marry a mere boy." + +Silence--absolute. + +In sheer terror Jane forced herself to look at him. He was white to +the lips. His face was very stern and calm--a strange, stony +calmness. There was not much youth in it just then. "ANOINT AND +CHEER OUR SOILED FACE"--The silent church seemed to wail the words +in bewildered agony. + +At last he spoke. "I had not thought of myself," he said slowly. "I +cannot explain how it comes to pass, but I have not thought of +myself at all, since my mind has been full of you. Therefore I had +not realised how little there is in me that you could care for. I +believed you had felt as I did, that we were--just each other's." +For a moment he put out his hand as if he would have touched her. +Then it dropped heavily to his side. "You are quite right," he said. +"You could not marry any one whom you consider a mere boy." + +He turned from her and faced up the chancel. For the space of a long +silent minute he looked at the window over the holy table, where +hung the suffering Christ. Then he bowed his head. "I accept the +cross," he said, and, turning, walked quietly down the aisle. The +church door opened, closed behind him with a heavy clang, and Jane +was alone. + +She stumbled back to the seat she had left, and fell upon her knees. + +"O, my God," she cried, "send him back to me, oh, send him +back! . . . Oh, Garth! It is I who am plain and unattractive and +unworthy, not you. Oh, Garth--come back! come back! come back! . . . +I will trust and not be afraid . . . Oh, my own Dear--come back!" + +She listened, with straining ears. She waited, until every nerve of +her body ached with suspense. She decided what she would say when +the heavy door reopened and she saw Garth standing in a shaft of +sunlight. She tried to remember the VENI, but the hollow clang of +the door had silenced even memory's echo of that haunting music. So +she waited silently, and as she waited the silence grew and seemed +to enclose her within cruel, relentless walls which opened only to +allow her glimpses into the vista of future lonely years. Just once +more she broke that silence. "Oh, darling, come back! I WILL RISK +IT," she said. But no step drew near, and, kneeling with her face +buried in her clasped hands, Jane suddenly realised that Garth +Dalmain had accepted her decision as final and irrevocable, and +would not return. + +How long she knelt there after realising this, she never knew. But +at last comfort came to her. She felt she had done right. A few +hours of present anguish were better than years of future +disillusion. Her own life would be sadly empty, and losing this +newly found joy was costing her more than she had expected; but she +honestly believed "she had done rightly towards him, and what did +her own pain matter?" Thus comfort came to Jane. + +At last she rose and passed out of the silent church into the breezy +sunshine. + +Near the park gates a little knot of excited boys were preparing to +fly a kite. Jimmy, the hero of the hour, the centre of attraction, +proved to be the proud possessor of this new kite. Jimmy was finding +the day glorious indeed, and was being happy. "Happy ALSO," Garth +had said. And Jane's eyes filled with tears, as she remembered the +word and the tone in which it was spoken. + +"There goes my poor boy's shilling," she said to herself sadly, as +the kite mounted and soared above the common;" but, alas, where is +his joy?" + +As she passed up the avenue a dog-cart was driven swiftly down it. +Garth Dalmain drove it; behind him a groom and a portmanteau. He +lifted his hat as he passed her, but looked straight before him. In +a moment he was gone. Had Jane wanted to stop him she could not have +done so. But she did not want to stop him. She felt absolutely +satisfied that she had done the right thing, and done it at greater +cost to herself than to him. He would eventually--ah, perhaps before +so very long--find another to be to him all, and more than all, he +had believed she could be. But she? The dull ache at her bosom +reminded her of her own words the night before, whispered in the +secret of her chamber to him who, alas, was not there to hear: +"Whatever the future brings for you and me, no other face will ever +be hidden here." And, in this first hour of the coming lonely years, +she knew them to be true. + +In the hall she met Pauline Lister. + +"Is that you, Miss Champion?" said Pauline. "Well now, have you +heard of Mr. Dalmain? He has had to go to town unexpectedly, on the +1.15 train; and aunt has dropped her false teeth on her marble wash- +stand and must get to the dentist right away. So we go to town on +the 2.30. It's an uncertain world. It complicates one's plans, when +they have to depend on other people's teeth. But I would sooner +break false teeth than true hearts, any day. One can get the former +mended, but I guess no one can mend the latter. We are lunching +early in our rooms; so I wish you good-by, Miss Champion." + + + + +CHAPTER XII + +THE DOCTOR'S PRESCRIPTION + + +The Honourable Jane Champion stood on the summit of the Great +Pyramid and looked around her. The four exhausted Arabs whose +exertions, combined with her own activity, had placed her there, +dropped in the picturesque attitudes into which an Arab falls by +nature. They had hoisted the Honourable Jane's eleven stone ten from +the bottom to the top in record time, and now lay around, proud of +their achievement and sure of their "backsheesh." + +The whole thing had gone as if by clock-work. Two mahogany-coloured, +finely proportioned fellows, in scanty white garments, sprang with +the ease of antelopes to the top of a high step, turning to reach +down eagerly and seize Jane's upstretched hands. One remained +behind, unseen but indispensable, to lend timely aid at exactly the +right moment. Then came the apparently impossible task for Jane, of +placing the sole of her foot on the edge of a stone four feet above +the one upon which she was standing. It seemed rather like stepping +up on to the drawing-room mantelpiece. But encouraged by cries of +"Eiwa! Eiwa!" she did it; when instantly a voice behind said, +"Tyeb!" two voices above shouted, "Keteer!" the grip on her hands +tightened, the Arab behind hoisted, and Jane had stepped up, with an +ease which surprised herself. As a matter of fact, under those +circumstances the impossible thing would have been not to have +stepped up. + +Arab number four was water-carrier, and offered water from a gourd +at intervals; and once, when Jane had to cry halt for a few minutes' +breathing space, Schehati, handsomest of all, and leader of the +enterprise, offered to recite English Shakespeare-poetry. This +proved to be: + + "Jack-an-Jill + Went uppy hill, + To fetchy paily water; + Jack fell down-an + Broke his crown-an + Jill came tumbling after." + +Jane had laughed; and Schehati, encouraged by the success of his +attempt to edify and amuse, used lines of the immortal nursery epic +as signals for united action during the remainder of the climb. +Therefore Jane mounted one step to the fact that Jack fell down, and +scaled the next to information as to the serious nature of his +injuries, and at the third, Schehati, bending over, confidentially +mentioned in her ear, while Ali shoved behind, that "Jill came +tumbling after." + +The familiar words, heard under such novel circumstances, took on +fresh meaning. Jane commenced speculating as to whether the downfall +of Jack need necessarily have caused so complete a loss of self- +control and equilibrium on the part of Jill. Would she not have +proved her devotion better by bringing the mutual pail safely to the +bottom of the hill, and there attending to the wounds of her fallen +hero? Jane, in her time, had witnessed the tragic downfall of +various delightful jacks, and had herself ministered tenderly to +their broken crowns; for in each case the Jill had remained on the +top of the hill, flirting with that objectionable person of the name +of Horner, whose cool, calculating way of setting to work--so unlike +poor Jack's headlong method--invariably secured him the plum; upon +which he remarked "What a good boy am I!" and was usually taken at +his own smug valuation. But Jane's entire sympathy on these +occasions was with the defeated lover, and more than one Jack was +now on his feet again, bravely facing life, because that kind hand +had been held out to him as he lay in his valley of humiliation, and +that comprehending sympathy had proved balm to his broken crown. + +"Dickery, dickery, dock!" chanted Schehati solemnly, as he hauled +again; "Moses ran up the clock. The clock struck 'one'--" + +THE CLOCK STRUCK "ONE"?--It was nearly three years since that night +at Shenstone when the clock had struck "one," and Jane had arrived +at her decision,--the decision which precipitated her Jack from his +Pisgah of future promise. And yet--no. He had not fallen before the +blow. He had taken it erect, and his light step had been even firmer +than usual as he walked down the church and left her, after quietly +and deliberately accepting her decision. It was Jane herself, left +alone, who fell hopelessly over the pail. She shivered even now when +she remembered how its icy waters drenched her heart. Ah, what would +have happened if Garth had come back in answer to her cry during +those first moments of intolerable suffering and loneliness? But +Garth was not the sort of man who, when a door has been shut upon +him, waits on the mat outside, hoping to be recalled. When she put +him from her, and he realised that she meant it he passed completely +out of her life. He was at the railway station by the time she +reached the house, and from that day to this they had never met. +Garth evidently considered the avoidance of meetings to be his +responsibility, and he never failed her in this. Once or twice she +went on a visit to houses where she knew him to be staying. He +always happened to have left that morning, if she arrived in time +for luncheon; or by an early afternoon train, if she was due for +tea. He never timed it so that there should be tragic passings of +each other, with set faces, at the railway stations; or a formal +word of greeting as she arrived and he departed,--just enough to +awaken all the slumbering pain and set people wondering. Jane +remembered with shame that this was the sort of picturesque tragedy +she would have expected from Garth Dalmain. But the man who had +surprised her by his dignified acquiescence in her decision, +continued to surprise her by the strength with which he silently +accepted it as final and kept out of her way. Jane had not probed +the depth of the wound she had inflicted. + +Never once was his departure connected, in the minds of others, with +her arrival. There was always some excellent and perfectly natural +reason why he had been obliged to leave, and he was openly talked of +and regretted, and Jane heard all the latest "Dal stories," and +found herself surrounded by the atmosphere of his exotic, beauty- +loving nature. And there was usually a girl--always the loveliest of +the party--confidentially pointed out to Jane, by the rest, as a +certainty, if only Dal had had another twenty-four hours of her +society. But the girl herself would appear quite heart-whole, only +very full of an evidently delightful friendship, expressing all +Dal's ideas on art and colour, as her own, and confidently happy in +an assured sense of her own loveliness and charm and power to +please. Never did he leave behind him traces which the woman who +loved him regretted to find. But he was always gone--irrevocably +gone. Garth Dalmain was not the sort of man to wait on the door-mat +of a woman's indecision. + +Neither did this Jack of hers break his crown. His portrait of +Pauline Lister, painted six months after the Shenstone visit, had +proved the finest bit of work he had as yet accomplished. He had +painted the lovely American, in creamy white satin, standing on a +dark oak staircase, one hand resting on the balustrade, the other, +full of yellow roses, held out towards an unseen friend below. +Behind and above her shone a stained-glass window, centuries old, +the arms, crest, and mottoes of the noble family to whom the place +belonged, shining thereon in rose-coloured and golden glass. He had +wonderfully caught the charm and vivacity of the girl. She was gaily +up-to-date, and frankly American, from the crown of her queenly +little head, to the point of her satin shoe; and the suggestiveness +of placing her in surroundings which breathed an atmosphere of the +best traditions of England's ancient ancestral homes, the fearless +wedding of the new world with the old, the putting of this sparkling +gem from the new into the beautiful mellow setting of the old and +there showing it at its best,--all this was the making of the +picture. People smiled, and said the painter had done on canvas what +he shortly intended doing in reality; but the tie between artist and +sitter never grew into anything closer than a pleasant friendship, +and it was the noble owner of the staircase and window who +eventually persuaded Miss Lister to remain in surroundings which +suited her so admirably. + +One story about that portrait Jane had heard discussed more than +once in circles where both were known. Pauline Lister had come to +the first sittings wearing her beautiful string of pearls, and Garth +had painted them wonderfully, spending hours over the delicate +perfecting of each separate gleaming drop. Suddenly one day he +seized his palette-knife, scraped the whole necklace off the canvas +with a stroke and, declared she must wear her rose-topazes in order +to carry out his scheme of colour. She was wearing her rose-topazes +when Jane saw the picture in the Academy, and very lovely they +looked on the delicate whiteness of her neck. But people who had +seen Garth's painting of the pearls maintained that that scrape of +the palette-knife had destroyed work which would have been the talk +of the year. And Pauline Lister, just after it had happened, was +reported to have said, with a shrug of her pretty shoulders: +"Schemes of colour are all very well. But he scraped my pearls off +the canvas because some one who came in hummed a tune while looking +at the picture. I would be obliged if people who walk around the +studio while I am being painted will in future refrain from humming +tunes. I don't want him to scoop off my topazes and call for my +emeralds. Also I feel like offering a reward for the discovery of +that tune. I want to know what it has to do with my scheme of +colour, anyway." + +When Jane heard the story, she was spending a few stays with the +Brands in Wimpole Street. It was told at tea, in Lady Brand's pretty +boudoir. The duchess's Concert, at which Garth had heard her sing +THE ROSARY, was a thing of the past. Nearly a year had elapsed since +their final parting, and this was the very first thought or word or +sign of his remembrance, which directly or indirectly, had come her +way. She could not doubt that the tune hummed had been THE ROSARY. + + "The hours I spent with thee, dear heart, + Are as a string of pearls to me; + I count them over, every one, apart." + +She seemed to hear Garth's voice on the terrace, as she heard it in +those first startled moments of realising the gift which was being +laid at her feet--"I have learned to count pearls, beloved." + +Jane's heart was growing cold and frozen in its emptiness. This +incident of the studio warmed and woke it for the moment, and with +the waking came sharp pain. When the visitors had left, and Lady +Brand had gone to the nursery, she walked over to the piano, sat +down, and softly played the accompaniment of "The Rosary." The fine +unexpected chords, full of discords working into harmony, seemed to +suit her mood and her memories. + +Suddenly a voice behind her said: "Sing it, Jane." She turned +quickly. The doctor had come in, and was lying back luxuriously in a +large arm-chair at her elbow, his hands clasped behind his head. +"Sing it, Jane," he said. + +"I can't, Deryck," she answered, still softly sounding the chords. +"I have not sung for months." + +"What has been the matter--for months?" + +Jane took her hands off the keys, and swung round impulsively. + +"Oh, boy," she said. "I have made a bad mess of my life! And yet I +know I did right. I would do the same again; at least--at least, I +hope I would." + + The doctor sat in silence for a minute, looking at her and +pondering these short, quick sentences. Also he waited for more, +knowing it would come more easily if he waited silently. + +It came. + +"Boy--I gave up something, which was more than life itself to me, +for the sake of another, and I can't get over it. I know I did +right, and yet--I can't get over it." + +The doctor leaned forward and took the clenched hands between his. + +"Can you tell me about it, Jeanette?" + +"I can tell no one, Deryck; not even you." + +"If ever you find you must tell some one, Jane, will you promise to +come to me?" + +"Gladly." + +"Good! Now, my dear girl, here is a prescription for you. Go abroad. +And, mind, I do not mean by that, just to Paris and back, or +Switzerland this summer, and the Riviera in the autumn. Go to +America and see a few big things. See Niagara. And all your life +afterwards, when trivialities are trying you, you will love to let +your mind go back to the vast green mass of water sweeping over the +falls; to the thunderous roar, and the upward rush of spray; to the +huge perpetual onwardness of it all. You will like to remember, when +you are bothering about pouring water in and out of teacups, +'Niagara is flowing still.' Stay in a hotel so near the falls that +you can hear their great voice night and day, thundering out themes +of power and progress. Spend hours walking round and viewing it from +every point. Go to the Cave of the Winds, across the frail bridges, +where the guide will turn and shout to you: 'Are your rings on +tight?' Learn, in passing, the true meaning of the Rock of Ages. +Receive Niagara into your life and soul as a possession, and thank +God for it." + +"Then go in for other big things in America. Try spirituality and +humanity; love and life. Seek out Mrs. Ballington Booth, the great +'Little Mother' of all American prisoners. I know her well, I am +proud to say, and can give you a letter of introduction. Ask her to +take you with her to Sing-Sing, or to Columbus State Prison, and to +let you hear her address an audience of two thousand convicts, +holding out to them the gospel of hope and love,--her own inspired +and inspiring belief in fresh possibilities even for the most +despairing." + +"Go to New York City and see how, when a man wants a big building +and has only a small plot of ground, he makes the most of that +ground by running his building up into the sky. Learn to do +likewise.--And then, when the great-souled, large-hearted, rapid- +minded people of America have waked you to enthusiasm with their +bigness, go off to Japan and see a little people nobly doing their +best to become great.--Then to Palestine, and spend months in +tracing the footsteps of the greatest human life ever lived. Take +Egypt on your way home, just to remind yourself that there are +still, in this very modern world of ours, a few passably ancient +things,--a well-preserved wooden man, for instance, with eyes of +opaque white quartz, a piece of rock crystal in the centre for a +pupil. These glittering eyes looked out upon the world from beneath +their eyelids of bronze, in the time of Abraham. You will find it in +a the museum at Cairo. Ride a donkey in the Mooskee if you want real +sport; and if you feel a little slack, climb the Great Pyramid. Ask +for an Arab named Schehati, and tell him you want to do it one +minute quicker than any lady has ever done it before." + +"Then come home, my dear girl, ring me up and ask for an +appointment; or chance it, and let Stoddart slip you into my +consulting-room between patients, and report how the prescription +has worked. I never gave a better; and you need not offer me a +guinea! I attend old friends gratis." + +Jane laughed, and gripped his hand. "Oh, boy," she said, "I believe +you are right. My whole ideas of life have been focussed on myself +and my own individual pains and losses. I will do as you say; and +God bless you for saying it.--Here comes Flower. Flower," she said, +as the doctor's wife trailed in, wearing a soft tea-gown, and +turning on the electric lights as she passed, "will this boy of ours +ever grow old? Here he is, seriously advising that a stout, middle- +aged woman should climb the Great Pyramid as a cure for depression, +and do it in record time!" + +"Darling," said the doctor's wife, seating herself on the arm of his +chair, "whom have you been seeing who is stout, or depressed, or +middle-aged? If you mean Mrs. Parker Bangs, she is not middle-aged, +because she is an American, and no American is ever middle-aged. And +she is only depressed because, even after painting her lovely +niece's portrait, Garth Dalmain has failed to propose to her. And it +is no good advising her to climb the Great Pyramid, though she is +doing Egypt this winter, because I heard her say yesterday that she +should never think of going up the pyramids until the children of +Israel, or whoever the natives are who live around those parts, have +the sense to put an elevator right up the centre." + +Jane and the doctor laughed, and Flower, settling herself more +comfortably, for the doctor's arm had stolen around her, said: +"Jane, I heard you playing THE ROSARY just now, such a favourite of +mine, and it is months since I heard it. Do sing it, dear." + +Jane met the doctor's eyes and smiled reassuringly; then turned +without any hesitation and did as Flower asked. The prescription had +already done her good. + +At the last words of the song the doctor's wife bent over and laid a +tender little kiss just above his temple, where the thick dark hair +was streaked with silver. But the doctor's mind was intent on Jane, +and before the final chords were struck he knew he had diagnosed her +case correctly. "But she had better go abroad," he thought. "It will +take her mind off herself altogether, giving her a larger view of +things in general, and a better proportioned view of things in +particular. And the boy won't change; or, if he does, Jane will be +proved right, to her own satisfaction. But, if this is HER side, +good heavens, what must HIS be! I had wondered what was sapping all +his buoyant youthfulness. To care for Jane would be an education; +but to have made Jane care! And then to have lost her! He must have +nerves of steel, to be facing life at all. What is this cross they +are both learning to kiss, and holding up between them? Perhaps +Niagara will sweep it away, and she will cable him from there." + +Then the doctor took the dear little hand resting on his shoulder +and kissed it softly, while Jane's back was still turned. For the +doctor had had past experience of the cross, and now the pearls were +very precious. + +So Jane took the prescription, and two years went by in the taking; +and here she was, on the top of the Great Pyramid, and, moreover, +she had done it in record time, and laughed as she thought of how +she should report the fact to Deryck. + +Her Arabs lay around, very hot and shiny, and content. Large +backsheesh was assured, and they looked up at her with pleased +possessive eyes, as an achievement of their own; hardly realising +how large a part her finely developed athletic powers and elastic +limbs had played in the speed of the ascent. + +And Jane stood there, sound in wind and limb, and with the +exhilarating sense, always helpful to the mind, of a bodily feat +accomplished. + +She was looking her best in her Norfolk coat and skirt of brown +tweed with hints of green and orange in it, plenty of useful pockets +piped with leather, leather buttons, and a broad band of leather +round the bottom of the skirt. A connoisseur would have named at +once the one and only firm from which that costume could have come, +and the hatter who supplied the soft green Tyrolian hat--for Jane +scorned pith helmets--which matched it so admirably. But Schehati +was no connoisseur of clothing, though a pretty shrewd judge of ways +and manners, and he summed up Jane thus: "Nice gentleman-lady! Give +good backsheesh, and not sit down halfway and say: `No top'! But +real lady-gentleman! Give backsheesh with kind face, and not send +poor Arab to Assouan." + +Jane was deeply tanned by the Eastern sun. Burning a splendid brown, +and enjoying the process, she had no need of veils or parasols; and +her strong eyes faced the golden light of the desert without the aid +of smoked glasses. She had once heard Garth remark that a sight +which made him feel really ill, was the back view of a woman in a +motor-veil, and Jane had laughingly agreed, for to her veils of any +kind had always seemed superfluous. The heavy coils of her brown +hair never blew about into fascinating little curls and wisps, but +remained where, with a few well-directed hairpins, she each morning +solidly placed them. + +Jane had never looked better than she did on this March day, +standing on the summit of the Great Pyramid. Strong, brown, and +well-knit, a reliable mind in a capable body, the undeniable +plainness of her face redeemed by its kindly expression of interest +and enjoyment; her wide, pleasant smile revealing her fine white +teeth, witnesses to her perfect soundness and health, within and +without. + +"Nice gentleman-lady," murmured Schehati again: and had Jane +overheard the remark it would not have offended her; for, though she +held a masculine woman only one degree less in abhorrence than an +effeminate man, she would have taken Schehati's compound noun as a +tribute to the fact that she was well-groomed and independent, +knowing her own mind, and, when she started out to go to a place, +reaching it in the shortest possible time, without fidget, fuss, or +flurry. These three feminine attributes were held in scorn by Jane, +who knew herself so deeply womanly that she could afford in minor +ways to be frankly unfeminine. + +The doctor's prescription had worked admirably. That look of falling +to pieces and ageing prematurely--a general dilapidation of mind and +body--which it had grieved and startled him to see in Jane as she +sat before him on the music-stool, was gone completely. She looked a +calm, pleasant thirty; ready to go happily on, year by year, towards +an equally agreeable and delightful forty; and not afraid of fifty, +when that time should come. Her clear eyes looked frankly out upon +the world, and her sane mind formed sound opinions and pronounced +fair judgments, tempered by the kindliness of an unusually large and +generous heart. + +Just now she was considering the view and finding it very good. Its +strong contrasts held her. + +On one side lay the fertile Delta, with its groves of waving palm, +orange, and olive trees, growing in rich profusion on the banks of +the Nile, a broad band of gleaming silver. On the other, the Desert, +with its far-distant horizon, stretching away in undulations of +golden sand; not a tree, not a leaf, not a blade of grass, but +boundless liberty, an ocean of solid golden glory. For the sun was +setting, and the sky flamed into colour. + +"A parting of the ways," said Jane; "a place of choice. How +difficult to know which to choose--liberty or fruitfulness. One +would have to consult the Sphinx--wise old guardian of the ages, +silent keeper of Time's secrets, gazing on into the future as It has +always gazed, while future became present, and present glided into +past.--Come, Schehati, let us descend. Oh, yes, I will certainly sit +upon the stone on which the King sat when he was Prince of Wales. +Thank you for mentioning it. It will supply a delightful topic of +conversation next time I am honoured by a few minutes of his +gracious Majesty's attention, and will save me from floundering into +trite remarks about the weather.--And now take me to the Sphinx, +Schehati. There is a question I would ask of It, just as the sun +dips below the horizon." + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +THE ANSWER OF THE SPHINX + + +Moonlight in the desert. + +Jane ordered her after-dinner coffee on the piazza of the hotel, +that she might lose as little as possible of the mystic loveliness +of the night. The pyramids appeared so huge and solid, in the clear +white light; and the Sphinx gathered unto itself more mystery. + +Jane promised herself a stroll round by moonlight presently. +Meanwhile she lay back in a low wicker chair, comfortably +upholstered, sipping her coffee, and giving herself up to the sense +of dreamy content which, in a healthy body, is apt to follow +vigorous exertion. + +Very tender and quiet thoughts of Garth came to her this evening, +perhaps brought about by the associations of moonlight. + + "The moon shines bright:--in such a night as this, + When the sweet wind did gently kiss the trees, + And they did make no noise--" + +Ah! the great poet knew the effect upon the heart of a vivid +reminder to the senses. Jane now passed beneath the spell. + +To begin with, Garth's voice seemed singing everywhere: + + "Enable with perpetual light + The dulness of our blinded sight." + +Then from out the deep blue and silvery light, Garth's dear adoring +eyes seemed watching her. Jane closed her own, to see them better. +To-night she did not feel like shrinking from them, they were so +full of love. + +No shade of critical regard was in them. Ah! had she wronged him +with her fears for the future? Her heart seemed full of trust to- +night, full of confidence in him and in herself. It seemed to her +that if he were here she could go out with him into this brilliant +moonlight, seat herself upon some ancient fallen stone, and let him +kneel in front of her and gaze and gaze in his persistent way, as +much as he pleased. In thought there seemed to-night no shrinking +from those dear eyes. She felt she would say: "It is all your own, +Garth, to look at when you will. For your sake, I could wish it +beautiful; but if it is as you like it, my own Dear, why should I +hide it from you?" + +What had brought about this change of mind? Had Deryck's +prescription done its full work? Was this a saner point of view than +the one she had felt constrained to take when she arrived, through +so much agony of renunciation, at her decision? Instead of going up +the Nile, and then to Constantinople and Athens, should she take the +steamer which sailed from Alexandria to-morrow, be in London a week +hence, send for Garth, make full confession, and let him decide as +to their future? + +That he loved her still, it never occurred to Jane to doubt. At the +very thought of sending for him and telling him the simple truth, he +seemed so near her once more, that she could feel the clasp of his +arms, and his head upon her heart. And those dear shining eyes! Oh, +Garth, Garth! + +"One thing is clear to me to-night," thought Jane. "If he still +needs me--wants me--I cannot live any longer away from him. I must +go to him." She opened her eyes and looked towards the Sphinx. The +whole line of reasoning which had carried such weight at Shenstone +flashed through her mind in twenty seconds. Then she closed her eyes +again and clasped her hands upon her bosom. + +"I will risk it," she said; and deep joy awoke within her heart. + +A party of English people came from the dining-room on to the piazza +with a clatter. They had arrived that evening and gone in late to +dinner. Jane had hardly noticed them,--a handsome woman and her +daughter, two young men, and an older man of military appearance. +They did not interest Jane, but they broke in upon her reverie; for +they seated themselves at a table near by and, in truly British +fashion, continued a loud-voiced conversation, as if no one else +were present. One or two foreigners, who had been peacefully +dreaming over coffee and cigarettes, rose and strolled away to quiet +seats under the palm trees. Jane would have done the same, but she +really felt too comfortable to move, and afraid of losing the sweet +sense of Garth's nearness. So she remained where she was. + +The elderly man held in his hand a letter and a copy of the MORNING +POST, just received from England. They were discussing news +contained in the letter and a paragraph he had been reading aloud +from the paper. + +"Poor fellow! How too sad!" said the chaperon of the party. + +"I should think he would sooner have been killed outright!" +exclaimed the girl. "I know I would." + +"Oh, no," said one of the young men, leaning towards her. "Life is +sweet, under any circumstances." + +"Oh, but blind!" cried the young voice, with a shudder. "Quite blind +for the rest of one's life. Horrible!" + +"Was it his own gun?" asked the older woman. "And how came they to +be having a shooting party in March?" + +Jane smiled a fierce smile into the moonlight. Passionate love of +animal life, intense regard for all life, even of the tiniest +insect, was as much a religion with her as the worship of beauty was +with Garth. She never could pretend sorrow over these accounts of +shooting accidents, or falls in the hunting-field. When those who +went out to inflict cruel pain were hurt themselves; when those who +went forth to take eager, palpitating life, lost their own; it +seemed to Jane a just retribution. She felt no regret, and pretended +none. So now she smiled fiercely to herself, thinking: "One pair of +eyes the less to look along a gun and frustrate the despairing dash +for home and little ones of a terrified little mother rabbit. One +hand that will never again change a soaring upward flight of +spreading wings, into an agonised mass of falling feathers. One +chance to the good, for the noble stag, as he makes a brave run to +join his hinds in the valley." + +Meanwhile the military-looking man had readjusted his eye-glasses +and was holding the sheets of a closely written letter to the light. + +"No," he said after a moment, "shooting parties are over. There is +nothing doing on the moors now. They were potting bunnies." + +"Was he shooting?" asked the girl. + +"No," replied the owner of the letter, "and that seems such hard +luck. He had given up shooting altogether a year or two ago. He +never really enjoyed it, because he so loved the beauty of life and +hated death in every form. He has a lovely place in the North, and +was up there painting. He happened to pass within sight of some +fellows rabbit-shooting, and saw what he considered cruelty to a +wounded rabbit. He vaulted over a gate to expostulate and to save +the little creature from further suffering. Then it happened. One of +the lads, apparently startled, let off his gun. The charge struck a +tree a few yards off, and the shot glanced. It did not strike him +full. The face is only slightly peppered and the brain quite +uninjured. But shots pierced the retina of each eye, and the sight +is hopelessly gone." + +"Awful hard luck," said the young man. + +"I never can understand a chap not bein' keen on shootin'," said the +youth who had not yet spoken. + +"Ah, but you would if you had known him," said the soldier. "He was +so full of life and vivid vitality. One could not imagine him either +dying or dealing death. And his love of the beautiful was almost a +form of religious worship. I can't explain it; but he had a way of +making you see beauty in things you had hardly noticed before. And +now, poor chap, he can't see them himself." + +"Has he a mother?" asked the older woman. + +"No, he has no one. He is absolutely alone. Scores of friends of +course; he was a most popular man about town, and could stay in +almost any house in the kingdom if he chose to send a post-card to +say he was coming. But no relations, I believe, and never would +marry. Poor chap! He will wish he had been less fastidious, now. He +might have had the pick of all the nicest girls, most seasons. But +not he! Just charming friendships, and wedded to his art. And now, +as Lady Ingleby, says, he lies in the dark, helpless and alone." + +"Oh, do talk of something else!" cried the girl, pushing back her +chair and rising. "I want to forget it. It's too horribly sad. Fancy +what it must be to wake up and not know whether it is day or night, +and to have to lie in the dark and wonder. Oh, do come out and talk +of something cheerful." + +They all rose, and the young man slipped his hand through the girl's +arm, glad of the excuse her agitation provided. + +"Forget it, dear," he said softly. "Come on out and see the old +Sphinx by moonlight." + +They left the piazza, followed by the rest of the party; but the man +to whom the MORNING POST belonged laid it on the table and stayed +behind, lighting a cigar. + +Jane rose from her chair and came towards him. + +"May I look at your paper?" she said abruptly. + +"Certainly," he replied, with ready courtesy. Then, looking more +closely at her: "Why, certainly, Miss Champion. And how do you do? I +did not know you were in these parts." + +"Ah, General Loraine! Your face seemed familiar, but I had not +recognised you, either. Thanks, I will borrow this if I may. And +don't let me keep you from your friends. We shall meet again by and +by." + +Jane waited until the whole party had passed out of sight and until +the sound of their voices and laughter had died away in the +distance. Then she returned to her chair, the place where Garth had +seemed so near. She looked once more at the Sphinx and at the huge +pyramid in the moonlight. + +Then she took up the paper and opened it. + + "Enable with perpetual light + The dulness of our blinded sight." + +Yes--it was Garth Dalmain--HER Garth, of the adoring shining eyes-- +who lay at his house in the North; blind, helpless, and alone. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +IN DERYCK'S SAFE CONTROL + + +The white cliffs of Dover gradually became more solid and distinct, +until at length they rose from the sea, a strong white wall, emblem +of the undeniable purity of England, the stainless honour and +integrity of her throne, her church, her parliament, her courts of +justice, and her dealings at home and abroad, whether with friend or +foe. "Strength and whiteness," thought Jane as she paced the +steamer's deck; and after a two years' absence her heart went out to +her native land. Then Dover Castle caught her eye, so beautiful in +the pearly light of that spring afternoon. Her mind leaped to +enjoyment, then fell back stunned by the blow of quick remembrance, +and Jane shut her eyes. + +All beautiful sights brought this pang to her heart since the +reading of that paragraph on the piazza of the Mena House Hotel. + +An hour after she had read it, she was driving down the long +straight road to Cairo; embarked at Alexandria the next day; landed +at Brindisi, and this night and day travelling had brought her at +last within sight of the shores of England. In a few minutes she +would set foot upon them, and then there would be but two more +stages to her journey. For, from the moment she started, Jane never +doubted her ultimate destination,--the room where pain and darkness +and despair must be waging so terrible a conflict against the moral +courage, the mental sanity, and the instinctive hold on life of the +man she loved. + +That she was going to him, Jane knew; but she felt utterly unable to +arrange how or in what way her going could be managed. That it was a +complicated problem, her common sense told her; though her yearning +arms and aching bosom cried out: "O God, is it not simple? Blind and +alone! MY Garth!" + +But she knew an unbiased judgment, steadier than her own, must solve +the problem; and that her surest way to Garth lay through the +doctor's consulting-room. So she telegraphed to Deryck from Paris, +and at present her mind saw no further than Wimpole Street. + +At Dover she bought a paper, and hastily scanned its pages as she +walked along the platform in the wake of the capable porter who had +taken possession of her rugs and hand baggage. In the personal +column she found the very paragraph she sought. + +"We regret to announce that Mr. Garth Dalmain still lies in a most +precarious condition at his house on Deeside, Aberdeenshire, as a +result of the shooting accident a fortnight ago. His sight is +hopelessly gone, but the injured parts were progressing favourably, +and all fear of brain complications seemed over. During the last few +days, however, a serious reaction from shock has set in, and it has +been considered necessary to summon Sir Deryck Brand, the well-known +nerve specialist, in consultation with the oculist and the local +practitioner in charge of the case. There is a feeling of wide- +spread regret and sympathy in those social and artistic circles +where Mr. Dalmain was so well-known and so deservedly popular." + +"Oh, thank you, m'lady," said the efficient porter when he had +ascertained, by a rapid glance into his palm, that Jane's half-crown +was not a penny. He had a sick young wife at home, who had been +ordered extra nourishment, and just as the rush on board began, he +had put up a simple prayer to the Heavenly Father "who knoweth that +ye have need of these things," asking that he might catch the eye of +a generous traveller. He felt he had indeed been "led" to this +plain, brown-faced, broad-shouldered lady, when he remembered how +nearly, after her curt nod from a distance had engaged him, he had +responded to the blandishments of a fussy little woman, with many +more bags and rugs, and a parrot cage, who was now doling French +coppers out of the window of the next compartment. "Seven pence +'apenny of this stuff ain't much for carrying all that along, I +DON'T think!" grumbled his mate; and Jane's young porter experienced +the double joy of faith confirmed, and willing service generously +rewarded. + +A telegraph boy walked along the train, saying: "Honrubble Jain +Champyun" at intervals. Jane heard her name, and her arm shot out of +the window. + +"Here, my boy! It is for me." + +She tore it open. It was from the doctor. + +"Welcome home. Just back from Scotland. Will meet you Charing Cross, +and give you all the time you want. Have coffee at Dover. DERYCK." + +Jane gave one hard, tearless sob of thankfulness and relief. She had +been so lonely. + +Then she turned to the window. "Here, somebody! Fetch me a cup of +coffee, will you?" + +Coffee was the last thing she wanted; but it never occurred to any +one to disobey the doctor, even at a distance. + +The young porter, who still stood sentry at the door of Jane's +compartment, dashed off to the refreshment room; and, just as the +train began to move, handed a cup of steaming coffee and a plate of +bread-and-butter in at the window. + +"Oh, thank you, my good fellow," said Jane, putting the plate on the +seat, while she dived into her pocket. "Here! you have done very +well for me. No, never mind the change. Coffee at a moment's notice +should fetch a fancy price. Good-bye." + +The train moved on, and the porter stood looking after it with tears +in his eyes. Over the first half-crown he had said to himself: "Milk +and new-laid eggs." Now, as he pocketed the second, he added the +other two things mentioned by the parish doctor: "Soup and jelly"; +and his heart glowed. "Your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have +need of these things." + +And Jane, seated in a comfortable corner, choked back the tears of +relief which threatened to fall, drank her coffee, and was thereby +more revived than she could have thought possible. She, also, had +need of many things. Not of half-crowns; of those she had plenty. +But above all else she needed just now a wise, strong, helpful +friend, and Deryck had not failed her. + +She read his telegram through once more, and smiled. How like him to +think of the coffee; and oh, how like him to be coming to the +station. + +She took off her hat and leaned back against the cushions. She had +been travelling night and day, in one feverish whirl of haste, and +at last she had brought herself within reach of Deryck's hand and +Deryck's safe control. The turmoil of her soul was stilled; a great +calm took its place, and Jane dropped quietly off to sleep. "Your +heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of these things." + + * * * * * * * + +Washed and brushed and greatly refreshed, Jane stood at the window +of her compartment as the train steamed into Charing Cross. + +The doctor was stationed exactly opposite the door when her carriage +came to a standstill; mere chance, and yet, to Jane, it seemed so +like him to have taken up his position precisely at the right spot +on that long platform. An enthusiastic lady patient had once said of +Deryck Brand, with more accuracy of definition than of grammar: "You +know, he is always so very JUST THERE." And this characteristic of +the doctor had made him to many a very present help in time of +trouble. + +He was through the line of porters and had his hand upon the handle +of Jane's door in a moment. Standing at the window, she took one +look at the firm lean face, now alight with welcome, and read in the +kind, steadfast eyes of her childhood's friend a perfect sympathy +and comprehension. Then she saw behind him her aunt's footman, and +her own maid, who had been given a place in the duchess's household. +In another moment she was on the platform and her hand was in +Deryck's. + +"That is right, dear," he said. "All fit and well, I can see. Now +hand over your keys. I suppose you have nothing contraband? I +telephoned the duchess to send some of her people to meet your +luggage, and not to expect you herself until dinner time, as you +were taking tea with us. Was that right? This way. Come outside the +barrier. What a rabble! All wanting to break every possible rule and +regulation, and each trying to be the first person in the front row. +Really the patience and good temper of railway officials should +teach the rest of mankind a lesson." + +The doctor, talking all the time, piloted Jane through the crowd; +opened the door of a neat electric brougham, helped her in, took his +seat beside her, and they glided swiftly out into the Strand, and +turned towards Trafalgar Square. + +"Well," said the doctor, "Niagara is a big thing isn't it? When +people say to me, 'Were you not disappointed in Niagara? WE were!' I +feel tempted to wish, for one homicidal moment, that the earth would +open her mouth and swallow them up. People who can be disappointed +in Niagara, and talk about it, should no longer be allowed to crawl +on the face of the earth. And how about the 'Little Mother'? Isn't +she worth knowing? I hope she sent me her love. And New York +harbour! Did you ever see anything to equal it, as you steam away in +the sunset?" + +Jane gave a sudden sob; then turned to him, dry-eyed. + +"Is there no hope, Deryck?" + +The doctor laid his hand on hers. "He will always be blind, dear. +But life holds other things beside sight. We must never say: 'No +hope.'" + +"Will he live?" + +"There is no reason he should not live. But how far life will be +worth living, largely depends upon what can be done for him, poor +chap, during the next few months. He is more shattered mentally than +physically." + +Jane pulled off her gloves, swallowed suddenly, then gripped the +doctor's knee. "Deryck--I love him." + +The doctor remained silent for a few moments, as if pondering this +tremendous fact. Then he lifted the fine, capable hand resting upon +his knee and kissed it with a beautiful reverence,--a gesture +expressing the homage of the man to the brave truthfulness of the +woman. + +"In that case, dear," he said, "the future holds in store so great a +good for Garth Dalmain that I think he may dispense with sight.-- +Meanwhile you have much to say to me, and it is, of course, your +right to hear every detail of his case that I can give. And here we +are at Wimpole Street. Now come into my consulting-room. Stoddart +has orders that we are on no account to be disturbed." + + + + +CHAPTER XV + +THE CONSULTATION + + +The doctor's room was very quiet. Jane leaned back in his dark green +leather arm-chair, her feet on a footstool, her hands gripping the +arms on either side. + +The doctor sat at his table, in the round pivot-chair he always +used,--a chair which enabled him to swing round suddenly and face a +patient, or to turn away very quietly and bend over his table. + +Just now he was not looking at Jane. He had been giving her a +detailed account of his visit to Castle Gleneesh, which he had left +only on the previous evening. He had spent five hours with Garth. It +seemed kindest to tell her all; but he was looking straight before +him as he talked, because he knew that at last the tears were +running unchecked down Jane's cheeks, and he wished her to think he +did not notice them. + +"You understand, dear," he was saying, "the actual wounds are going +on well. Strangely enough, though the retina of each eye was +pierced, and the sight is irrecoverably gone, there was very little +damage done to surrounding parts, and the brain is quite uninjured. +The present danger arises from the shock to the nervous system and +from the extreme mental anguish caused by the realisation of his +loss. The physical suffering during the first days and nights must +have been terrible. Poor fellow, he looks shattered by it. But his +constitution is excellent, and his life has been so clean, healthy, +and normal, that he had every chance of making a good recovery, were +it not that as the pain abated and his blindness became more a thing +to be daily and hourly realised, his mental torture was so +excessive. Sight has meant so infinitely much to him,--beauty of +form, beauty of colour. The artist in him was so all-pervading. They +tell me he said very little. He is a brave man and a strong one. But +his temperature began to vary alarmingly; he showed symptoms of +mental trouble, of which I need not give you technical details; and +a nerve specialist seemed more necessary than an oculist. Therefore +he is now in my hands." + +The doctor paused, straightened a few books lying on the table, and +drew a small bowl of violets closer to him. He studied these +attentively for a few moments, then put them back where his wife had +placed them and went on speaking. + +"I am satisfied on the whole. He needed a friendly voice to +penetrate the darkness. He needed a hand to grasp his, in faithful +comprehension. He did not want pity, and those who talked of his +loss without understanding it, or being able to measure its +immensity, maddened him. He needed a fellow-man to come to him and +say: 'It is a fight--an awful, desperate fight. But by God's grace +you will win through to victory. It would be far easier to die; but +to die would be to lose; you must live to win. It is utterly beyond +all human strength; but by God's grace you will come through +conqueror.' All this I said to him, Jeanette, and a good deal more; +and then a strangely beautiful thing happened. I can tell you, and +of course I could tell Flower, but to no one else on earth would I +repeat it. The difficulty had been to obtain from him any response +whatever. He did not seem able to rouse sufficiently to notice +anything going on around him. But those words, 'by God's grace,' +appeared to take hold of him and find immediate echo in his inner +consciousness. I heard him repeat them once or twice, and then +change them to 'with the abundance of Thy grace.' Then he turned his +head slowly on the pillow, and what one could see of his face seemed +transformed. He said: 'Now I remember it, and the music is this'; +and his hands moved on the bedclothes, as if forming chords. Then, +in a very low voice, but quite clearly, he repeated the second verse +of the VENI, CREATOR SPIRITUS. I knew it, because I used to sing it +as a chorister in my father's church at home. You remember?" + + "'Enable with perpetual light + The dulness of our blinded sight. + Anoint and cheer our soiled face + With the abundance of Thy grace. + Keep far our foes; give peace at home; + Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come.'" + +"It was the most touching thing I ever heard." + +The doctor paused, for Jane had buried her face in her hands and was +sobbing convulsively. When her sobs grew less violent, the doctor's +quiet voice continued: "You see, this gave me something to go upon. +When a crash such as this happens, all a man has left to hold on to +is his religion. According as his spiritual side has been developed, +will his physical side stand the strain. Dalmain has more of the +real thing than any one would think who only knew him superficially. +Well, after that we talked quite definitely, and I persuaded him to +agree to one or two important arrangements. You know, he has no +relations of his own, to speak of; just a few cousins, who have +never been very friendly. He is quite alone up there; for, though he +has hosts of friends, this is a time when friends would have to be +very intimate to be admitted; and though he seemed so boyish and +easy to know, I begin to doubt whether any of us knew the real +Garth--the soul of the man, deep down beneath the surface." + +Jane lifted her head. "I did," she said simply. + +"Ah," said the doctor, "I see. Well, as I said, ordinary friends +could not be admitted. Lady Ingleby went, in her sweet impulsive +way, without letting them know she was coming; travelled all the way +up from Shenstone with no maid, and nothing but a handbag, and +arrived at the door in a fly. Robert Mackenzie, the local medical +man, who is an inveterate misogynist, feared at first she was an +unsuspected wife of Dal's. He seemed to think unannounced ladies +arriving in hired vehicles must necessarily turn out to be +undesirable wives. I gather they had a somewhat funny scene. But +Lady Ingleby soon got round old Robbie, and came near to charming +him--as whom does she not? But of course they did not dare let her +into Dal's room; so her ministry of consolation appears to have +consisted in letting Dal's old housekeeper weep on her beautiful +shoulder. It was somewhat of a comedy, hearing about it, when one +happened to know them all, better than they knew each other. But to +return to practical details. He has had a fully trained male nurse +and his own valet to wait on him. He absolutely refused one of our +London hospital nurses, who might have brought a little gentle +comfort and womanly sympathy to his sick-room. He said he could not +stand being touched by a woman; so there it remained. A competent +man was found instead. But we can now dispense with him, and I have +insisted upon sending up a lady nurse of my own choosing; not so +much to wait on him, or do any of a sick-nurse's ordinary duties-- +his own man can do these, and he seems a capable fellow--but to sit +with him, read to him, attend to his correspondence,--there are +piles of unopened letters he ought to hear,--in fact help him to +take up life again in his blindness. It will need training; it will +require tact; and this afternoon I engaged exactly the right person. +She is a gentlewoman by birth, has nursed for me before, and is well +up in the special knowledge of mental things which this case +requires. Also she is a pretty, dainty little thing; just the kind +of elegant young woman poor Dal would have liked to have about him +when he could see. He was such a fastidious chap about appearances, +and such a connoisseur of good looks. I have written a descriptive +account of her to Dr. Mackenzie, and he will prepare his patient for +her arrival. She is to go up the day after to-morrow. We are lucky +to get her, for she is quite first-rate, and she has only just +finished with a long consumptive case, now on the mend and ordered +abroad. So you see, Jeanette, all is shaping well.--And now, my dear +girl, you have a story of your own to tell me, and my whole +attention shall be at your disposal. But first of all I am going to +ring for tea, and you and I will have it quietly down here, if you +will excuse me for a few minutes while I go upstairs and speak to +Flower." + + * * * * * * * + +It seemed so natural to Jane to be pouring out the doctor's tea, and +to watch him putting a liberal allowance of salt on the thin bread- +and-butter, and then folding it over with the careful accuracy which +had always characterised his smallest action. In the essentials he +had changed so little since the days when as a youth of twenty +spending his vacations at the rectory he used to give the lonely +girl at the manor so much pleasure by coming up to her school-room +tea; and when it proved possible to dispose of her governess's +chaperonage and be by themselves, what delightful times they used to +have, sitting on the hearth-rug, roasting chestnuts and discussing +the many subjects which were of mutual interest. Jane could still +remember the painful pleasure of turning hot chestnuts on the bars +with her fingers, and how she hastened to do them herself, lest he +should be burned. She had always secretly liked and admired his +hands, with the brown thin fingers, so delicate in their touch and +yet full of such gentle strength. She used to love watching them +while he sharpened her pencils or drew wonderful diagrams in her +exercise books; thinking how in years to come, when he performed +important operations, human lives would depend upon their skill and +dexterity. In those early years he had seemed so much older than +she. And then came the time when she shot up rapidly into young +womanhood and their eyes were on a level and their ages seemed the +same. Then, as the years went on, Jane began to feel older than he, +and took to calling him "Boy" to emphasise this fact. And then came- +-Flower;--and complications. And Jane had to see his face grow thin +and worn, and his hair whiten on the temples. And she yearned over +him, yet dared not offer sympathy. At last things came right for the +doctor, and all the highest good seemed his; in his profession; in +his standing among men; and, above all, in his heart life, which +Flower had always held between her two sweet hands. And Jane +rejoiced, but felt still more lonely now she had no companion in +loneliness. And still their friendship held, with Flower admitted as +a third--a wistful, grateful third, anxious to learn from the woman +whose friendship meant so much to her husband, how to succeed where +she had hitherto failed. And Jane's faithful heart was generous and +loyal to both, though in sight of their perfect happiness her +loneliness grew. + +And now, in her own hour of need, it had to be Deryck only; and the +doctor knew this, and had arranged accordingly; for at last his +chance had come, to repay the faithful devotion of a lifetime. The +conversation of that afternoon would be the supreme test of their +friendship. And so, with a specialist's appreciation of the mental +effect of the most trivial external details, the doctor had ordered +muffins, and a kettle on the fire, and had asked Jane to make the +tea. + +By the time the kettle boiled, they had remembered the chestnuts, +and were laughing about poor old Fraulein's efforts to keep them in +order, and the strategies by which they used to evade her vigilance. +And the years rolled back, and Jane felt herself very much at home +with the chum of her childhood. + +Nevertheless, there was a moment of tension when the doctor drew +back the tea-table and they faced each other in easy-chairs on +either side of the fireplace. Each noticed how characteristic was +the attitude of the other. + +Jane sat forward, her feet firmly planted on the hearth-rug, her +arms on her knees, and her hands clasped in front of her. + +The doctor leaned back, one knee crossed over the other, his elbows +on the arms of his chair, the tips of his fingers meeting, in +absolute stillness of body and intense concentration of mind. + +The silence between them was like a deep, calm pool. + +Jane took the first plunge. + +"Deryck, I am going to tell you everything. I am going to speak of +my heart, and mind, and feelings, exactly as if they were bones, and +muscles, and lungs. I want you to combine the offices of doctor and +confessor in one." + +The doctor had been contemplating his finger-tips. He now glanced +swiftly at Jane, and nodded; then turned his head and looked into +the fire. + +"Deryck, mine has been a somewhat lonely existence. I have never +been essential to the life of another, and no one has ever touched +the real depths of mine. I have known they were there, but I have +known they were unsounded." + +The doctor opened his lips, as if to speak; then closed them in a +firmer line than before, and merely nodded his head silently. + +"I had never been loved with that love which makes one absolutely +first to a person, nor had I ever so loved. I had--cared very much; +but caring is not loving.--Oh, Boy, I know that now!" + +The doctor's profile showed rather white against the dark-green +background of his chair; but he smiled as he answered: "Quite true, +dear. There is a distinction, and a difference." + +"I had heaps of friends, and amongst them a good many nice men, +mostly rather younger than myself, who called me 'Miss Champion.' to +my face, and 'good old Jane' behind my back." + +The doctor smiled. He had as often heard the expression, and could +recall the whole-hearted affection and admiration in the tones of +those who used it. + +"Men as a rule," Continued Jane, "get on better with me than do +women. Being large and solid, and usually calling a spade 'a spade;' +and not 'a garden implement,' women consider me strong-minded, and +are inclined to be afraid of me. The boys know they can trust me; +they make a confidante of me, looking upon me as a sort of +convenient elder sister who knows less about them than an elder +sister would know, and is probably more ready to be interested in +those things which they choose to tell. Among my men friends, +Deryck, was Garth Dalmain." + +Jane paused, and the doctor waited silently for her to continue. + +"I was always interested in him, partly because he was so original +and vivid in his way of talking, and partly because"--a bright flush +suddenly crept up into the tanned cheeks-"well, though I did not +realise it then, I suppose I found his extraordinary beauty rather +fascinating. And then, our circumstances were so much alike,--both +orphans, and well off; responsible to no one for our actions; with +heaps of mutual friends, and constantly staying at the same houses. +We drifted into a pleasant intimacy, and of all my friends, he was +the one who made me feel most like `a man and a brother.' We +discussed women by the dozen, all his special admirations in turn, +and the effect of their beauty upon him, and I watched with interest +to see who, at last, would fix his roving fancy. But on one eventful +day all this was changed in half an hour. We were both staying at +Overdene. There was a big house party, and Aunt Georgina had +arranged a concert to which half the neighbourhood was coming. +Madame Velma failed at the last minute. Aunt 'Gina, in a great state +of mind, was borrowing remarks from her macaw. You know how? She +always says she is merely quoting `the dear bird.' Something had to +be done. I offered to take Velma's place; and I sang." + +"Ah," said the doctor. + +"I sang The Rosary--the song Flower asked for the last time I was +here. Do you remember?" + +The doctor nodded. "I remember." + +"After that, all was changed between Garth and me. I did not +understand it at first. I knew the music had moved him deeply, +beauty of sound having upon him much the same effect as beauty of +colour; but I thought the effect would pass in the night. But the +days went on, and there was always this strange sweet difference; +not anything others would notice; but I suddenly became conscious +that, for the first time in my whole life, I was essential to +somebody. I could not enter a room without realising that he was +instantly aware of my presence; I could not leave a room without +knowing that he would at once feel and regret my absence. The one +fact filled and completed all things; the other left a blank which +could not be removed. I knew this, and yet--incredible though it may +appear--I did not realise it meant LOVE. I thought it was an +extraordinarily close bond of sympathy and mutual understanding, +brought about principally by our enjoyment of one another's music. +We spent hours in the music-room. I put it down to that; yet when he +looked at me his eyes seemed to touch as well as see me, and it was +a very tender and wonderful touch. And all the while I never thought +of love. I was so plain and almost middle-aged; and he, such a +beautiful, radiant youth. He was like a young sun-god, and I felt +warmed and vivified when he was near; and he was almost always near. +Honestly, that was my side of the days succeeding the concert. But +HIS! He told me afterwards, Deryck, it had been a sudden revelation +to him when he heard me sing The Rosary, not of music only, but of +ME. He said he had never thought of me otherwise than as a good sort +of chum; but then it was as if a veil were lifted, and he saw, and +knew, and felt me as a woman. And--no doubt it will seem odd to you. +Boy; it did to me;--but he said, that the woman he found then was +his ideal of womanhood, and that from that hour he wanted me for his +own as he had never wanted anything before." + +Jane paused, and looked into the glowing heart of the fire. + +The doctor turned slowly and looked at Jane. He himself had +experienced the intense attraction of her womanliness,--all the more +overpowering when it was realised, because it did not appear upon +the surface. He had sensed the strong mother-tenderness lying +dormant within her; had known that her arms would prove a haven of +refuge, her bosom a soothing pillow, her love a consolation +unspeakable. In his own days of loneliness and disappointment, the +doctor had had to flee from this in Jane,--a precious gift, so easy +to have taken because of her very ignorance of it; but a gift to +which he had no right. Thus the doctor could well understand the +hold it would gain upon a man who had discovered it, and who was +free to win it for his own. + +But he only said, "I do not think it odd, dear." + +Jane had forgotten the doctor. She came back promptly from the +glowing heart of the fire. + +"I am glad you don't," she said. "I did.--well, we both left +Overdene on the same day. I came to you; he went to Shenstone. It +was a Tuesday. On the Friday I went down to Shenstone, and we met +again. Having been apart for a little while seemed to make this +curious feeling of `togetherness,' deeper and sweeter than ever. In +the Shenstone house party was that lovely American girl, Pauline +Lister. Garth was enthusiastic about her beauty, and set on painting +her. Everybody made sure he was going to propose to her. Deryck, I +thought so, too; in fact I had advised him to do it. I felt so +pleased and interested over it, though all the while his eyes +touched me when he looked at me, and I knew the day did not begin +for him until we had met, and was over when we had said good-night. +And this experience of being first and most to him made everything +so golden, and life so rich, and still I thought of it only as an +unusually delightful friendship. But the evening of my arrival at +Shenstone he asked me to come out on to the terrace after dinner, as +he wanted specially to talk to me. Deryck, I thought it was the +usual proceeding of making a confidante of me, and that I was to +hear details of his intentions regarding Miss Lister. Thinking that, +I walked calmly out beside him; sat down on the parapet, in the +brilliant moonlight, and quietly waited for him to begin. Then--oh, +Deryck! It happened." + +Jane put her elbows on her knees, and buried her face in her clasped +hands. + +"I cannot tell you--details. His love--it just poured over me like +molten gold. It melted the shell of my reserve; it burst through the +ice of my convictions; it swept me off my feet upon a torrent of +wondrous fire. I knew nothing in heaven or earth but that this love +was mine, and was for me. And then--oh, Deryck! I can't explain--I +don't know myself how it happened--but this whirlwind of emotion +came to rest upon my heart. He knelt with his arms around me, and we +held each other in a sudden great stillness; and in that moment I +was all his, and he knew it. He might have stayed there hours if he +had not moved or spoken; but presently he lifted up his face and +looked at me. Then he said two words. I can't repeat them, Boy; but +they brought me suddenly to my senses, and made me realise what it +all meant. Garth Dalmain wanted me to marry him." + +Jane paused, awaiting the doctor's expression of surprise. + +"What else could it have meant?" said Deryck Brand, very quietly. He +passed his hand over his lips, knowing they trembled a little. +Jane's confessions were giving him a stiffer time than he had +expected. "Well, dear, so you--?" + +"I stood up," said Jane; "for while he knelt there he was master of +me, mind and body; and some instinct told me that if I were to be +won to wifehood, my reason must say `yes' before the rest of me. It +is `spirit, soul, and body' in the Word, not `body, soul, and +spirit,' as is so often misquoted; and I believe the inspired +sequence to be the right one." + +The doctor made a quick movement of interest. "Good heavens, Jane!" +he said. "You have got hold of a truth there, and you have expressed +it exactly as I have often wanted to express it without being able +to find the right words. You have found them, Jeanette." + +She looked into his eager eyes and smiled sadly. "Have I, Boy?" she +said. "Well, they have cost me dear.--I put my lover from me and +told him I must have twelve hours for calm reflection. He was so +sure--so sure of me, so sure of himself--that he agreed without a +protest. At my request he left me at once. The manner of his going I +cannot tell, even to you, Dicky. I promised to meet him at the +village church next day and give him my answer. He was to try the +new organ at eleven. We knew we should be alone. I came. He sent +away the blower. He called me to him at the chancel step. The +setting was so perfect. The artist in him sang for joy, and thrilled +with expectation. The glory of absolute certainty was in his eyes; +though he had himself well in hand. He kept from touching me while +he asked for my answer. Then--I refused him, point blank, giving a +reason he could not question. He turned from me and left the church, +and I have not spoken to him from that day to this." + +A long silence in the doctor's consulting-room. One manly heart was +entering into the pain of another, and yet striving not to be +indignant until he knew the whole truth. + +Jane's spirit was strung up to the same pitch as in that fateful +hour, and once more she thought herself right. + +At last the doctor spoke. He looked at her searchingly now, and held +her eyes. + +"And why did you refuse him, Jane?" The kind voice was rather stern. + +Jane put out her hands to him appealingly. "Ah, Boy, I must make you +understand! How could I do otherwise, though, indeed, it was putting +away the highest good life will ever hold for me? Deryck, you know +Garth well enough to realise how dependent he is on beauty; he must +be surrounded by it, perpetually. Before this unaccountable need of +each other came to us he had talked to me quite freely on this +point, saying of a plain person whose character and gifts he greatly +admired, and whose face he grew to like in consequence: 'But of +course it was not the sort of face one would have wanted to live +with, or to have day after day opposite to one at table; but then +one was not called to that sort of discipline, which would be +martyrdom to me.' Oh, Deryck! Could I have tied Garth to my plain +face? Could I have let myself become a daily, hourly discipline to +that radiant, beauty-loving nature? I know they say, 'Love is +blind.' But that is before Love has entered into his kingdom. Love +desirous, sees only that, in the one beloved, which has awakened the +desire. But Love content, regains full vision, and, as time goes on, +those powers of vision increase and become, by means of daily, +hourly, use,--microscopic and telescopic. Wedded love is not blind. +Bah! An outsider staying with married people is apt to hear what +love sees, on both sides, and the delusion of love's blindness is +dispelled forever. I know Garth was blind, during all those golden +days, to my utter lack of beauty, because he wanted ME so much. But +when he had had me, and had steeped himself in all I have to give of +soul and spirit beauty; when the daily routine of life began, which +after all has to be lived in complexions, and with features to the +fore; when he sat down to breakfast and I saw him glance at me and +then look away, when I was conscious that I was sitting behind the +coffee-pot, looking my very plainest, and that in consequence my +boy's discipline had begun; could I have borne it? Should I not, in +the miserable sense of failing him day by day, through no fault of +my own, have grown plainer and plainer; until bitterness and +disappointment, and perhaps jealousy, all combined to make me +positively ugly? I ask you, Deryck, could I have borne it?" + +The doctor was looking at Jane with an expression of keen +professional interest. + +"How awfully well I diagnosed the case when I sent you abroad," he +remarked meditatively. "Really, with so little data to go upon--" + +"Oh, Boy," cried Jane, with a movement of impatience, "don't speak +to me as if I were a patient. Treat me as a human being, at least, +and tell me--as man to man--could I have tied Garth Dalmain to my +plain face? For you know it is plain." + +The doctor laughed. He was glad to make Jane a little angry. "My +dear girl," he said, "were we speaking as man to man, I should have +a few very strong things to say to you. As we are speaking as man to +woman,--and as a man who has for a very long time respected, +honoured, and admired a very dear and noble woman,--I will answer +your question frankly. You are not beautiful, in the ordinary +acceptation of the word, and no one who really loves you would +answer otherwise; because no one who knows and loves you would dream +of telling you a lie. We will even allow, if you like, that you are +plain, although I know half a dozen young men who, were they here, +would want to kick me into the street for saying so, and I should +have to pretend in self-defence that their ears had played them +false and I had said, 'You are JANE,' which is all they would +consider mattered. So long as you are yourself, your friends will be +well content. At the same time, I may add, while this dear face is +under discussion, that I can look back to times when I have felt +that I would gladly walk twenty miles for a sight of it; and in its +absence I have always wished it present, and in its presence I have +never wished it away." + +"Ah, but, Deryck, you did not have to have it always opposite you at +meals," insisted Jane gravely. + +"Unfortunately not. But I enjoyed the meals more on the happy +occasions when it was there." + +"And, Deryck--YOU DID NOT HAVE TO KISS IT." + +The doctor threw back his head and shouted with laughter, so that +Flower, passing up the stairs, wondered what turn the conversation +could be taking. + +But Jane was quite serious; and saw in it no laughing matter. + +"No, dear," said the doctor when he had recovered; "to my infinite +credit be it recorded, that in all the years I have known it I have +never once kissed it." + +"Dicky, don't tease! Oh, Boy, it is the most vital question of my +whole life; and if you do not now give me wise and thoughtful +advice, all this difficult confession will have been for nothing." + +The doctor became grave immediately. He leaned forward and took +those clasped hands between his. + +"Dear," he said, "forgive me if I seemed to take it lightly. My most +earnest thought is wholly at your disposal. And now let me ask you a +few questions. How did you ever succeed in convincing Dalmain that +such a thing as this was an insuperable obstacle to your marriage?" + +"I did not give it as a reason." + +"What then did you give as your reason for refusing him?" + +"I asked him how old he was." + +"Jane! Standing there beside him in the chancel, where he had come +awaiting your answer?" + +"Yes. It did seem awful when I came to think it over afterwards. But +it worked." + +"I have no doubt it worked. What then?" + +"He said he was twenty-seven. I said I was thirty, and looked +thirty-five, and felt forty. I also said he might be twenty-seven, +but he looked nineteen, and I was sure he often felt nine." + +"Well?" + +"Then I said that I could not marry a mere boy." + +"And he acquiesced?" + +"He seemed stunned at first. Then he said of course I could not +marry him if I considered him that. He said it was the first time he +had given a thought to himself in the matter. Then he said he bowed +to my decision, and he walked down the church and went out, and we +have not met since." + +"Jane," said the doctor, "I wonder he did not see through it. You +are so unused to lying, that you cannot have lied, on the chancel +step, to the man you loved, with much conviction." + +A dull red crept up beneath Jane's tan. + +"Oh, Deryck, it was not entirely a lie. It was one of those dreadful +lies which are 'part a truth,' of which Tennyson says that they are +'a harder matter to fight.'" + + "'A lie which is all a lie + May be met and fought with outright; + But a lie which is part a truth + Is a harder matter to fight,'" + +quoted the doctor. + +"Yes," said Jane. "And he could not fight this, just because it was +partly true. He is younger than I by three years, and still more by +temperament. It was partly for his delightful youthfulness that I +feared my maturity and staidness. It was part a truth, but oh, +Deryck, it was more a lie; and it was altogether a lie to call him-- +the man whom I had felt complete master of me the evening before--'a +mere boy.' Also he could not fight it because it took him so utterly +by surprise. He had been all the time as completely without self- +consciousness, as I had been morbidly full of it. His whole thought +had been of me. Mine had been of him and--of myself." + +"Jane," said the doctor, "of all that you have suffered since that +hour, you deserved every pang." + +Jane bent her head. "I know," she said. + +"You were false to yourself, and not true to your lover. You robbed +and defrauded both. Cannot you now see your mistake? To take it on +the lowest ground, Dalmain, worshipper of beauty as he was, had had +a surfeit of pretty faces. He was like the confectioner's boy who +when first engaged is allowed to eat all the cakes and sweets he +likes, and who eats so many in the first week, that ever after he +wants only plain bread-and-butter. YOU were Dal's bread-and-butter. +I am sorry if you do not like the simile." + +Jane smiled. "I do like the simile," she said. + +"Ah, but you were far more than this, my dear girl. You were his +ideal of womanhood. He believed in your strength and tenderness, +your graciousness and truth. You shattered this ideal; you failed +this faith in you. His fanciful, artistic, eclectic nature with all +its unused possibilities of faithful and passionate devotion, had +found its haven in your love; and in twelve hours you turned it +adrift. Jane--it was a crime. The magnificent strength of the fellow +is shown by the way he took it. His progress in his art was not +arrested. All his best work has been done since. He has made no bad +mad marriage, in mockery of his own pain; and no grand loveless one, +to spite you. He might have done both--I mean either. And when I +realise that the poor fellow I was with yesterday--making such a +brave fight in the dark, and turning his head on the pillow to say +with a gleam of hope on his drawn face: `Where Thou art Guide, no +ill can come'--had already been put through all this by you--Jane, +if you were a man, I'd horsewhip you!" said the doctor. + +Jane squared her shoulders and lifted her head with more of her old +spirit than she had yet shown. + +"You have lashed me well, Boy," she said, "as only words spoken in +faithful indignation can lash. And I feel the better for the pain.-- +And now I think I ought to tell you that while I was on the top of +the Great Pyramid I suddenly saw the matter from a different +standpoint. You remember that view, with its sharp line of +demarcation? On one side the river, and verdure, vegetation, +fruitfulness, a veritable 'garden enclosed'; on the other, vast +space as far as the eye could reach; golden liberty, away to the +horizon, but no sign of vegetation, no hope of cultivation, just +barren, arid, loneliness. I felt this was an exact picture of my +life as I live it now. Garth's love, flowing through it, as the +river, could have made it a veritable 'garden of the Lord.' It would +have meant less liberty, but it would also have meant no loneliness. +And, after all, the liberty to live for self alone becomes in time a +weary bondage. Then I realised that I had condemned him also to this +hard desert life. I came down and took counsel of the old Sphinx. +Those calm, wise eyes, looking on into futurity, seemed to say: +'They only live who love.' That evening I resolved to give up the +Nile trip, return home immediately, send for Garth, admit all to +him, asking him to let us both begin again just where we were three +years ago in the moonlight on the terrace at Shenstone. Ten minutes +after I had formed this decision, I heard of his accident." + +The doctor shaded his face with his hand. "The wheels of time," he +said in a low voice, "move forward--always; backward, never." + +"Oh, Deryck," cried Jane, "sometimes they do. You and Flower know +that sometimes they do." + +The doctor smiled sadly and very tenderly. "I know," he said, "that +there is always one exception which proves every rule." Then he +added quickly: "But, unquestionably, it helps to mend matters, so +far as your own mental attitude is concerned, that before you knew +of Dalmain's blindness you should have admitted yourself wrong, and +made up your mind to trust him." + +"I don't know that I was altogether clear about having been wrong," +said Jane, "but I was quite convinced that I couldn't live any +longer without him, and was therefore prepared to risk it. And of +course now, all doubt or need to question is swept away by my poor +boy's accident, which simplifies matters, where that particular +point is concerned." + +The doctor looked at Jane with a sudden raising of his level brows. +"Simplifies matters?" he said. + +Then, as Jane, apparently satisfied with the expression, did not +attempt to qualify it, he rose and stirred the fire; standing over +it for a few moments in silent thought. When he sat down again, his +voice was very quiet, but there was an alertness about his +expression which roused Jane. She felt that the crisis of their +conversation had been reached. + +"And now, my dear Jeanette," said the doctor, "suppose you tell me +what you intend doing." + +"Doing?" said Jane. "Why, of course, I shall go straight to Garth. I +only want you to advise me how best to let him know I am coming, and +whether it is safe for him to have the emotion of my arrival. Also I +don't want to risk being kept from him by doctors or nurses. My +place is by his side. I ask no better thing of life than to be +always beside him. But sick-room attendants are apt to be pig- +headed; and a fuss under these circumstances would be unbearable. A +wire from you will make all clear." + +"I see," said the doctor slowly. "Yes, a wire from me will +undoubtedly open a way for you to Garth Dalmain's bedside. And, +arrived there, what then?" + +A smile of ineffable tenderness parted Jane's lips. The doctor saw +it, but turned away immediately. It was not for him, or for any man, +to see that look. The eyes which should have seen it were sightless +evermore. + +"What then, Deryck? Love will know best what then. All barriers will +be swept away, and Garth and I will be together." + +The doctor's finger-tips met very exactly before he spoke again; and +when he did speak, his tone was very level and very kind. + +"Ah, Jane," he said, "that is the woman's point of view. It is +certainly the simplest, and perhaps the best. But at Garth's bedside +you will be confronted with the man's point of view; and I should be +failing the trust you have placed in me did I not put that before +you now.--From the man's point of view, your own mistaken action +three years ago has placed you now in an almost impossible position. +If you go to Garth with the simple offer of your love--the treasure +he asked three years ago and failed to win--he will naturally +conclude the love now given is mainly pity; and Garth Dalmain is not +the man to be content with pity, where he has thought to win love, +and failed. Nor would he allow any woman--least of all his crown of +womanhood--to tie herself to his blindness unless he were sure such +binding was her deepest joy. And how could you expect him to believe +this in face of the fact that, when he was all a woman's heart could +desire, you refused him and sent him from you?--If, on the other +hand, you explain, as no doubt you intend to do, the reason of that +refusal, he can but say one thing: 'You could not trust me to be +faithful when I had my sight. Blind, you come to me, when it is no +longer in my power to prove my fidelity. There is no virtue in +necessity. I can never feel I possess your trust, because you come +to me only when accident has put it out of my power either to do the +thing you feared, or to prove myself better than your doubts.' My +dear girl, that is how matters stand from the man's point of view; +from his, I make no doubt, even more than from mine; for I recognise +in Garth Dalmain a stronger man than myself. Had it been I that day +in the church, wanting you as he did, I should have grovelled at +your feet and promised to grow up. Garth Dalmain had the iron +strength to turn and go, without a protest, when the woman who had +owned him mate the evening before, refused him on the score of +inadequacy the next morning. I fear there is no question of the view +he would take of the situation as it now stands." + +Jane's pale, startled face went to the doctor's heart. + +"But Deryck--he--loves--" + +"Just because he loves, my poor old girl, where you are concerned he +could never be content with less than the best." + +"Oh, Boy, help me! Find a way! Tell me what to do!" Despair was in +Jane's eyes. + +The doctor considered long, in silence. At last he said: "I see only +one way out. If Dal could somehow be brought to realise your point +of view at that time as a possible one, without knowing it had +actually been the cause of your refusal of him, and could have the +chance to express himself clearly on the subject--to me, for +instance--in a way which might reach you without being meant to +reach you, it might put you in a better position toward him. But it +would be difficult to manage. If you could be in close contact with +his mind, constantly near him unseen--ah, poor chap, that is easy +now--I mean unknown to him; if, for instance, you could be in the +shoes of this nurse-companion person I am sending him, and get at +his mind on the matter; so that he could feel when you eventually +made your confession, he had already justified himself to you, and +thus gone behind his blindness, as it were." + +Jane bounded in her chair. "Deryck, I have it! Oh, send ME as his +nurse-companion! He would never dream it was I. It is three years +since he heard my voice, and he thinks me in Egypt. The society +column in all the papers, a few weeks ago, mentioned me as wintering +in Egypt and Syria and remaining abroad until May. Not a soul knows +I have come home. You are the best judge as to whether I have had +training and experience; and all through the war our work was fully +as much mental and spiritual, as surgical. It was not up to much +otherwise. Oh, Dicky, you could safely recommend me; and I still +have my uniforms stowed away in case of need. I could be ready in +twenty-four hours, and I would go as Sister--anything, and eat in +the kitchen if necessary." + +"But, my dear girl," said the doctor quietly, "you could not go as +Sister Anything, unfortunately. You could only go as Nurse Rosemary +Gray; for I engaged her this morning, and posted a full and explicit +account of her to Dr. Mackenzie, which he will read, to our patient. +I never take a case from one nurse and give it to another, excepting +for incompetency. And Nurse Rosemary Gray could more easily fly, +than prove incompetent. She will not be required to eat in the +kitchen. She is a gentlewoman, and will be treated as such. I wish +indeed you could be in her shoes, though I doubt whether you could +have carried it through--And now I have something to tell you. Just +before I left him, Dalmain asked after you. He sandwiched you most +carefully in between the duchess and Flower; but he could not keep +the blood out of his thin cheeks, and he gripped the bedclothes in +his effort to keep his voice steady. He asked where you were. I +said, I believed, in Egypt. When you were coming home. I told him I +had heard you intended returning to Jerusalem for Easter, and I +supposed we might expect you home at the end of April or early in +May. He inquired how you were. I replied that you were not a good +correspondent, but I gathered from occasional cables and post-cards +that you were very fit and having a good time. I then volunteered +the statement that it was I who had sent you abroad because you were +going all to pieces. He made a quick movement with his hand as if he +would have struck me for using the expression. Then he said: 'Going +to pieces? SHE!' in a tone of most utter contempt for me and my +opinions. Then he hastily made minute inquiries for Flower. He had +already asked about the duchess all the questions he intended asking +about you. When he had ascertained that Flower was at home and well, +and had sent him her affectionate sympathy, he begged me to glance +through a pile of letters which were waiting until he felt able to +have them read to him, and to tell him any of the handwritings known +to me. All the world seemed to have sent him letters of sympathy, +poor chap. I told him a dozen or so of the names I knew,--a royal +handwriting among them. He asked whether there were any from abroad. +There were two or three. I knew them all, and named them. He could +not bear to hear any of them read; even the royal letter remained +unopened, though he asked to have it in his hand, and fingered the +tiny crimson crown. Then he asked. 'Is there one from the duchess?' +There was. He wished to hear that one, so I opened and read it. It +was very characteristic of her Grace; full of kindly sympathy, +heartily yet tactfully expressed. Half-way through she said: 'Jane +will be upset. I shall write and tell her next time she sends me an +address. At present I have no idea in which quarter of the globe my +dear niece is to be found. Last time I heard of her she seemed in a +fair way towards marrying a little Jap and settling in Japan. Not a +bad idea, my dear Dal, is it? Though, if Japan is at all like the +paper screens, I don't know where in that Liliputian country they +will find a house, or a husband, or a what-do-you-call-'em thing +they ride in, solid enough for our good Jane!' With intuitive tact +of a very high order, I omitted this entire passage about marrying +the Jap. When your aunt's letter was finished, he asked point blank +whether there was one from you. I said No, but that it was unlikely +the news had reached you, and I felt sure you would write when it +did. So I hope you will, dear; and Nurse Rosemary Gray will have +instructions to read all his letters to him." + +"Oh, Deryck," said Jane brokenly, "I can't bear it! I must go to +him!" + +The telephone bell on the doctor's table whirred sharply. He went +over and took up the receiver. + +"Hullo!. . . Yes, it is Dr. Brand. . . . Who is speaking? . . . Oh, +is it you, Matron?"--Jane felt quite sorry the matron could not see +the doctor's charming smile into the telephone.--"Yes? What name did +you say? . . . Undoubtedly. This morning; quite definitely. A most +important case. She is to call and see me to-night . . . What? . . . +Mistake on register? Ah, I see . . . Gone where? . . . Where? . . . +Spell it, please . . . Australia! Oh, quite out of reach! . . . +Yes, I heard he was ordered there . . . Never mind, Matron. You are +in no way to blame . . . Thanks, I think not. I have some one in +view . . . Yes. . . . Yes. . . . No doubt she might do . . . I will +let you know if I should require her . . . Good-bye, Matron, and +thank you." + +The doctor hung up the receiver. Then he turned to Jane; a slow, +half-doubtful smile gathering on his lips. + +"Jeanette," he said, "I do not believe in chance. But I do believe +in a Higher Control, which makes and unmakes our plans. You shall +go." + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + +THE DOCTOR FINDS A WAY + + +"And now as to ways and means," said the doctor, when Jane felt +better. "You must leave by the night mail from Euston, the day after +to-morrow. Can you be ready?" + +"I am ready," said Jane. + +"You must go as Nurse Rosemary Gray." + +"I don't like that," Jane interposed. "I should prefer a fictitious +name. Suppose the real Rosemary Gray turned up, or some one who +knows her." + +"My, dear girl, she is half-way to Australia by now, and you will +see no one up there but the household and the doctor. Any one who +turned up would be more likely to know you. We must take these +risks. Besides, in case of complications arising, I will give you a +note, which you can produce at once, explaining the situation, and +stating that in agreeing to fill the breach you consented at my +request to take the name in order to prevent any necessity for +explanations to the patient, which at this particular juncture would +be most prejudicial. I can honestly say this, it being even more +true than appears. So you must dress the part, Jane, and endeavour +to look the part, so far as your five foot eleven will permit; for +please remember that I have described you to Dr. Mackenzie as 'a +pretty, dainty little thing, refined and elegant, and considerably +more capable than she looks.'" + +"Dicky! He will instantly realise that I am not the person mentioned +in your letter." + +"Not so, dear. Remember we have to do with a Scotchman, and a +Scotchman never realises anything 'instantly.' The Gaelic mind works +slowly, though it works exceeding sure. He will be exceeding sure, +when he has contemplated you for a while, that I am a 'verra poor +judge o' women,' and that Nurse Gray is a far finer woman than I +described. But he will have already created for Dalmain, from my +letter, a mental picture of his nurse; which is all that really +matters. We must trust to Providence that old Robbie does not +proceed to amend it by the original. Try to forestall any such +conversation. If the good doctor seems to mistrust you, take him on +one side, show him my letter, and tell him the simple truth. But I +do not suppose this will be necessary. With the patient, you must +remember the extreme sensitiveness of a blind man's hearing. Tread +lightly. Do not give him any opportunity to judge of your height. +Try to remember that you are not supposed to be able to reach the +top shelf of an eight-foot bookcase without the aid of steps or a +chair. And when the patient, begins to stand and walk, try to keep +him from finding out that his nurse is slightly taller than himself. +This should not be difficult; one of his fixed ideas being that in +his blindness he will not be touched by a woman. His valet will lead +him about. And, Jane, I cannot imagine any one who has ever had your +hand in his, failing to recognise it. So I advise you, from the +first, to avoid shaking hands. But all these precautions do not +obviate the greatest difficulty of all,--your voice. Do you suppose, +for a moment, he will not recognise that?" + +"I shall take the bull by the horns in that case," said Jane, "and +you must help me. Explain the fact to me now, as you might do if I +were really Nurse Rosemary Gray, and had a voice so like my own." + +The doctor smiled. "My dear Nurse Rosemary," he said, "you must not +be surprised if our patient detects a remarkable similarity between +your voice and that of a mutual friend of his and mine. I have +constantly noticed it myself." + +"Indeed, sir," said Jane. "And may I know whose voice mine so +closely resembles?" + +"The Honourable Jane Champion's," said the doctor, with the +delightful smile with which he always spoke to his nurses. "Do you +know her?" + +"Slightly," said Jane, "and I hope to know her better and better as +the years go by." + +Then they both laughed. "Thank you, Dicky. Now I shall know what to +say to the patient.--Ah, but the misery of it! Think of it being +possible thus to deceive Garth,--Garth of the bright, keen all-- +perceiving vision! Shall I ever have the courage to carry it +through?" + +"If you value your own eventual happiness and his you will, dear. +And now I must order the brougham and speed you to Portland Place, +or you will be late--for dinner, a thing the duchess cannot overlook +'as you very well know,' even in a traveller returned from round the +world. And if you take my advice, you will tell your kind, sensible +old aunt the whole story, omitting of course all moonlight details, +and consult her about this plan. Her shrewd counsel will be +invaluable, and you may be glad of her assistance later on." + +They rose and faced each other on the hearth-rug. + +"Boy," said Jane with emotion, "you have been so good to me, and so +faithful. Whatever happens, I shall be grateful always." + +"Hush," said the doctor. "No need for gratitude when long-standing +debts are paid.--To-morrow I shall not have a free moment, and I +foresee the next day as very full also. But we might dine together +at Euston at seven, and I will see you off. Your train leaves at +eight o'clock, getting you to Aberdeen soon after seven the next +morning, and out to Gleneesh in time for breakfast. You will enjoy +arriving in the early morning light; and the air of the moors braces +you wonderfully.--Thank you, Stoddart. Miss Champion is ready. +Hullo, Flower! Look up, Jane. Flower, and Dicky, and Blossom, are +hanging over the topmost banisters, dropping you showers of kisses. +Yes, the river you mentioned does produce a veritable 'garden of the +Lord.' God send you the same, dear. And now, sit well back, and +lower your veil. Ah, I remember, you don't wear them. Wise girl! If +all women followed your example it would impoverish the opticians. +Why? Oh, constant focussing on, spots, for one thing. But lean back, +for you must not be seen if you are supposed to be still in Cairo, +waiting to go up the Nile. And, look here"--the doctor put his head +in at the carriage window--"very plain luggage, mind. The sort of +thing nurses speak of as 'my box'; with a very obvious R. G. on it!" + +"Thank you, Boy," whispered Jane. "You think of everything." + +"I think of YOU," said the doctor. And in all the hard days to come, +Jane often found comfort in remembering those last quiet words. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII + +ENTER--NURSE ROSEMARY + + +Nurse Rosemary Gray had arrived at Gleneesh. + +When she and her "box" were deposited on the platform of the little +wayside railway station, she felt she had indeed dropped from the +clouds; leaving her own world, and her own identity, on some far- +distant planet. + +A motor waited outside the station, and she had a momentary fear +lest she should receive deferential recognition from the chauffeur. +But he was as solid and stolid as any other portion of the car, and +paid no more attention to her than he did to her baggage. The one +was a nurse; the other, a box, both common nouns, and merely +articles to be conveyed to Gleneesh according to orders. So he +looked straight before him, presenting a sphinx-like profile beneath +the peak of his leather cap, while a slow and solemn porter helped +Jane and her luggage into the motor. When she had rewarded the +porter with threepence, conscientiously endeavouring to live down to +her box, the chauffeur moved foot and hand with the silent precision +of a machine, they swung round into the open, and took the road for +the hills. + +Up into the fragrant heather and grey rocks; miles of moor and sky +and solitude. More than ever Jane felt as if she had dropped into +another world, and so small an incident as the omission of the usual +respectful salute of a servant, gave her a delightful sense of +success and security in her new role. + +She had often heard of Garth's old castle up in the North, an +inheritance from his mother's family, but was hardly prepared for so +much picturesque beauty or such stateliness of archway and entrance. +As they wound up the hillside and the grey turrets came into view, +with pine woods behind and above, she seemed to hear Garth's boyish +voice under the cedar at Overdene, with its ring of buoyant +enjoyment, saying: "I should like you to see Castle Gleneesh. You +would enjoy the view from the terrace; and the pine woods, and the +moor." And then he had laughingly declared his intention of getting +up a "best party" of his own, with the duchess as chaperon; and she +had promised to make one of it. And now he, the owner of all this +loveliness, was blind and helpless; and she was entering the fair +portals of Gleneesh, unknown to him, unrecognised by any, as a +nurse-secretary sort of person. Jane had said at Overdene: "Yes, ask +us, and see what happens." And now this was happening. What would +happen next? + +Garth's man, Simpson, received her at the door, and again a possible +danger was safely passed. He had entered Garth's service within the +last three years and evidently did not know her by sight. + +Jane stood looking round the old hall, in the leisurely way of one +accustomed to arrive for the first time as guest at the country +homes of her friends; noting the quaint, large fireplace, and the +shadowy antlers high up on the walls. Then she became aware that +Simpson, already half-way up the wide oak staircase, was expecting +the nurse to hurry after him. This she did, and was received at the +top of the staircase by old Margery. It did not require the lawn +kerchief, the black satin apron, and the lavender ribbons, for Jane +to recognise Garth's old Scotch nurse, housekeeper, and friend. One +glance at the grave, kindly face, wrinkled and rosy,--a beautiful +combination of perfect health and advancing years,--was enough. The +shrewd, keen eyes, seeing quickly beneath the surface, were +unmistakable. She conducted Jane to her room, talking all the time +in a kindly effort to set her at her ease, and to express a warm +welcome with gentle dignity, not forgetting the cloud of sadness +which hung over the house and rendered her presence necessary. She +called her "Nurse Gray" at the conclusion of every sentence, with an +upward inflection and pretty rolling of the r's, which charmed Jane. +She longed to say: "You old dear! How I shall enjoy being in the +house with you!" but remembered in time that a remark which would +have been gratifying condescension on the part of the Honourable +Jane Champion, would be little short of impertinent familiarity from +Nurse Rosemary Gray. So she followed meekly into the pretty room +prepared for her; admired the chintz; answered questions about her +night journey; admitted that she would be very glad of breakfast, +but still more of a bath if convenient. + +And now bath and breakfast were both over, and Jane was standing +beside the window in her room, looking down at the wonderful view, +and waiting until the local doctor should arrive and summon her to +Garth's room. + +She had put on the freshest-looking and most business-like of her +uniforms, a blue print gown, linen collar and cuffs, and a white +apron with shoulder straps and large pockets. She also wore the +becoming cap belonging to one of the institutions to which she had +once been for training. She did not intend wearing this later on, +but just this morning she omitted no detail which could impress Dr. +Mackenzie with her extremely professional appearance. She was +painfully conscious that the severe simplicity of her dress tended +rather to add to her height, notwithstanding her low-heeled ward +shoes with their noiseless rubber soles. She could but hope Deryck +would prove right as to the view Dr. Mackenzie would take. + +And then far away in the distance, along the white ribbon of road, +winding up from the valley, she saw a high gig, trotting swiftly; +one man in it, and a small groom seated behind. Her hour had come. + +Jane fell upon her knees, at the window, and prayed for strength, +wisdom, and courage. She could realise absolutely nothing. She had +thought so much and so continuously, that all mental vision was out +of focus and had become a blur. Even his dear face had faded and was +hidden from her when she frantically strove to recall it to her +mental view. Only the actual fact remained clear, that in a few +short minutes she would be taken to the room where he lay. She would +see the face she had not seen since they stood together at the +chancel step--the face from which the glad confidence slowly faded, +a horror of chill disillusion taking its place. + + "Anoint and cheer our soiled face + With the abundance of Thy grace." + +She would see that dear face, and he, sightless, would not see hers, +but would be easily deluded into believing her to be some one else. + +The gig had turned the last bend of the road, and passed out of +sight on its way to the front of the house. + +Jane rose and stood waiting. Suddenly she remembered two sentences +of her conversation with Deryck. She had said: "Shall I ever have +the courage to carry it through?" And Deryck had answered, +earnestly: "If you value your own eventual happiness and his, you +will." + +A tap came at her door. Jane walked across the room, and opened it. + +Simpson stood on the threshold. + +"Dr. Mackenzie is in the library, nurse," he said, "and wishes to +see you there." + +"Then, will you kindly take me to the library, Mr. Simpson," said +Nurse Rosemary Gray. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + +THE NAPOLEON OF THE MOORS + + +On the bear-skin rug, with his back to the fire, stood Dr. Robert +Mackenzie, known to his friends as "Dr. Rob" or "Old Robbie," +according to their degrees of intimacy. + +Jane's first impression was of a short, stout man, in a sealskin +waistcoat which had seen better days, a light box-cloth overcoat +three sizes too large for him, a Napoleonic attitude,--little +spindle legs planted far apart, arms folded on chest, shoulders +hunched up,--which led one to expect, as the eye travelled upwards, +an ivory-white complexion, a Roman nose, masterful jaw, and thin +lips folded in a line of conscious power. Instead of which one found +a red, freckled face, a nose which turned cheerfully skyward, a fat +pink chin, and drooping sandy moustache. The only striking feature +of the face was a pair of keen blue eyes, which, when turned upon +any one intently, almost disappeared beneath bushy red eyebrows and +became little points of turquoise light. + +Jane had not been in his presence two minutes before she perceived +that, when his mind was working, he was entirely unconscious of his +body, which was apt to do most peculiar things automatically; so +that his friends had passed round the remark: "Robbie chews up +dozens of good pen-holders, while Dr. Mackenzie is thinking out +excellent prescriptions." + +When Jane entered, his eyes were fixed upon an open letter, which +she instinctively knew to be Deryck's, and he did not look up at +once. When he did look up, she saw his unmistakable start of +surprise. He opened his mouth to speak, and Jane was irresistibly +reminded of a tame goldfish at Overdene, which used to rise to the +surface when the duchess dropped crumbs. He closed it without +uttering a word, and turned again to Deryck's letter; and Jane felt +herself to be the crumb, or rather the camel, which he was finding +it difficult to swallow. + +She waited in respectful silence, and Deryck's words passed with +calming effect through the palpitating suspense of her brain. "The +Gaelic mind works slowly, though it works exceeding sure. He will be +exceeding sure that I am a verra poor judge o' women." + +At last the little man on the hearth-rug lifted his eyes again to +Jane's; and, alas, how high he had to lift them! + +"Nurse--er?" he said inquiringly, and Jane thought his searching +eyes looked like little bits of broken blue china in a hay-stack. + +"Rosemary Gray," replied Jane meekly, with a curtsey in her voice; +feeling as if they were rehearsing amateur theatricals at Overdene, +and the next minute the duchess's cane would rap the floor and they +would be told to speak up and not be so slow. + +"Ah," said Dr. Robert Mackenzie, "I see." + +He stared hard at the carpet in a distant corner of the room, then +walked across and picked up a spline broken from a bass broom; +brought it back to the hearth-rug; examined it with minute +attention; then put one end between his teeth and began to chew it. + +Jane wondered what was the correct thing to do at this sort of +interview, when a doctor neither sat down himself nor suggested that +the nurse should do so. She wished she had asked Deryck. But he +could not possibly have enlightened her, because the first thing he +always said to a nurse was: "My dear Nurse SO-AND-SO, pray sit down. +People who have much unavoidable standing to do should cultivate the +habit of seating themselves comfortably at every possible +opportunity." + +But the stout little person on the hearth-rug was not Deryck. So +Jane stood at attention, and watched the stiff bit of bass wag up +and down, and shorten, inch by inch. When it had finally +disappeared, Dr. Robert Mackenzie spoke again. + +"So you have arrived, Nurse Gray," he said. + +"Truly the mind of a Scotchman works slowly," thought Jane, but she +was thankful to detect the complete acceptance of herself in his +tone. Deryck was right; and oh the relief of not having to take this +unspeakable little man into her confidence in this matter of the +deception to be practised on Garth. + +"Yes, sir, I have arrived," she said. + +Another period of silence. A fragment of the bass broom reappeared +and vanished once more, before Dr. Mackenzie spoke again. + +"I am glad you have arrived, Nurse Gray," he said. + +"I am glad TO have arrived, sir," said Jane gravely, almost +expecting to hear the duchess's delighted "Ha, ha!" from the wings. +The little comedy was progressing. + +Then suddenly she became aware that during the last few minutes Dr. +Mackenzie's mind had been concentrated upon something else. She had +not filled it at all. The next moment it was turned upon her and two +swift turquoise gleams from under the shaggy brows swept over her, +with the rapidity and brightness of search-lights. Dr. Mackenzie +commenced speaking quickly, with a wonderful rolling of r's. + +"I understand, Miss Gray, you have come to minister to the patient's +mind rather than to his body. . You need not trouble to explain. I +have it from Sir Deryck Brand, who prescribed a nurse-companion for +the patient, and engaged you. I fully agreed with his prescription; +and, allow me to say, I admire its ingredients." + +Jane bowed, and realised how the duchess would be chuckling. What an +insufferable little person! Jane had time to think this, while he +walked across to the table-cloth, bent over it, and examined an +ancient spot of ink. Finding a drop of candle grease near it, he +removed it with his thumb nail; brought it carefully to the fire, +and laid it on the coals. He watched it melt, fizzle, and flare, +with an intense concentration of interest; then jumped round on +Jane, and caught her look of fury. + +"And I think there remains very little for me to say to you about +the treatment, Miss Gray," he finished calmly. "You will have +received minute instructions from Sir Deryck himself. The great +thing now is to help the patient to take an interest in the outer +world. The temptation to persons who suddenly become totally blind, +is to form a habit of living entirely in a world within; a world of +recollection, retrospection, and imagination; the only world, in +fact, in which they can see." + +Jane made a quick movement of appreciation and interest. After all +she might learn something useful from this eccentric little +Scotchman. Oh to keep his attention off rubbish on the carpet, and +grease spots on the table-cloth! + +"Yes?" she said. "Do tell me more." + +"This," continued Dr. Mackenzie, "is our present difficulty with Mr. +Dalmain. There seems to be no possibility of arousing his interest +in the outside world. He refuses to receive visitors; he declines to +hear his letters. Hours pass without a word being spoken by him. +Unless you hear him speak to me or to his valet, you will easily +suppose yourself to have a patient who has lost the power of speech +as well as the gift of sight. Should he express a wish to speak to +me alone when we are with him, do not leave the room. Walk over to +the fireplace and remain there. I desire that you should hear, that +when he chooses to rouse and make an effort, he is perfectly well +able to do so. The most important part of your duties, Nurse Gray, +will be the aiding him day by day to resume life,--the life of a +blind man, it is true; but not therefore necessarily an inactive +life. Now that all danger of inflammation from the wounds has +subsided, he may get up, move about, learn to find his way by sound +and touch. He was an artist by profession. He will never paint +again. But there are other gifts which may form reasonable outlets +to an artistic nature." + +He paused suddenly, having apparently caught sight of another grease +spot, and walked over to the table; but the next instant jumped +round on Jane, quick as lightning, with a question. + +"Does he play?" said Dr. Rob. + +But Jane was on her guard, even against accidental surprises. + +"Sir Deryck did not happen to mention to me, Dr. Mackenzie, whether +Mr. Dalmain is musical or not." + +"Ah, well," said the little doctor, resuming his Napoleonic attitude +in the centre of the hearth-rug; "you must make it your business to +find out. And, by the way, Nurse, do you play yourself?" + +"A little," said Jane. + +"Ah," said Dr. Rob. "And I dare say you sing a little, too?" + +Jane acquiesced. + +"In that case, my dear lady, I leave most explicit orders that you +neither sing a little nor play a little to Mr. Dalmain. We, who have +our sight, can just endure while people who 'play a little' show us +how little they can play; because we are able to look round about us +and think of other things. But to a blind man, with an artist's +sensitive soul, the experience might culminate in madness. We must +not risk it. I regret to appear uncomplimentary, but a patient's +welfare must take precedence of all other considerations." + +Jane smiled. She was beginning to like Dr. Rob. + +"I will be most careful," she said, "neither to play nor to sing to +Mr. Dalmain." + +"Good," said Dr. Mackenzie. "But now let me tell you what you most +certainly may do, by-and-by. Lead him to the piano. Place him there +upon a seat where he will feel secure; none of your twirly, rickety +stools. Make a little notch on the key-board by which he can easily +find middle C. Then let him relieve his pent-up soul by the painting +of sound-pictures. You will find this will soon keep him happy for +hours. And, if he is already something of a musician,--as that huge +grand piano, with no knick-knacks on it indicates,--he may begin +that sort of thing at once, before he is ready to be worried with +the Braille system, or any other method of instructing the blind. +But contrive an easy way--a little notch in the wood-work below the +note--by means of which, without hesitation or irritation, he can +locate himself instantly at middle C. Never mind the other notes. It +is all the SEEING he will require when once he is at the piano. Ha, +ha! Not bad for a Scotchman, eh, Nurse Gray?" + +But Jane could not laugh; though somewhere in her mental background +she seemed to hear laughter and applause from the duchess. This was +no comedy to Jane,--her blind Garth at the piano, his dear beautiful +head bent over the keys, his fingers feeling for that pathetic +little notch, to be made by herself, below middle C. She loathed +this individual who could make a pun on the subject of Garth's +blindness, and, in the back of her mind, Tommy seemed to join the +duchess, flapping up and down on his perch and shrieking: "Kick him +out! Stop his jaw!" + +"And now," said Dr. Mackenzie unexpectedly, "the next thing to be +done, Nurse Gray, is to introduce you to the patient." + +Jane felt the blood slowly leave her face and concentrate in a +terrible pounding at her heart. But she stood her ground, and waited +silently. + +Dr. Mackenzie rang the bell. Simpson appeared. + +"A decanter of sherry, a wine-glass, and a couple of biscuits," said +Dr. Rob. + +Simpson vanished. + +"Little beast!" thought Jane. "At eleven o'clock in the morning!". + +Dr. Rob stood, and waited; tugging spitefully at his red moustache, +and looking intently out of the window. + +Simpson reappeared, placed a small tray on the table, and went +quietly out, closing the door behind him. + +Dr. Rob poured out a glass of sherry, drew up a chair to the table, +and said: "Now, Nurse, sit down and drink that, and take a biscuit +with it." + +Jane protested. "But, indeed, doctor, I never--" + +"I have no doubt you 'never,'" said Dr. Rob, "especially at eleven +o'clock in the morning. But you will to-day; so do not waste any +time in discussion. You have had a long night journey; you are going +upstairs to a very sad sight indeed, a strain on the nerves and +sensibilities. You have come through a trying interview with me, and +you are praising Heaven it is over. But you will praise Heaven with +more fervency when you have drunk the sherry. Also you have been +standing during twenty-three minutes and a half. I always stand to +speak myself, and I prefer folk should stand to listen. I can never +talk to people while they loll around. But you will walk upstairs +all the more steadily, Nurse Rosemary Gray, if you sit down now for +five minutes at this table." + +Jane obeyed, touched and humbled. So, after all, it was a kind, +comprehending heart under that old sealskin waistcoat; and a shrewd +understanding of men and matters, in spite of the erratic, somewhat +objectionable exterior. While she drank the wine and finished the +biscuits, he found busy occupation on the other side of the room, +polishing the window with his silk pocket-handkerchief; making a +queer humming noise all the time, like a bee buzzing up the pane. He +seemed to have forgotten her presence; but, just as she put down the +empty glass, he turned and, walking straight across the room, laid +his hand upon her shoulder. + +"Now, Nurse," he said, "follow me upstairs, and, just at first, +speak as little as possible. Remember, every fresh voice intruding +into the still depths of that utter blackness, causes an agony of +bewilderment and disquietude to the patient. Speak little and speak +low, and may God Almighty give you tact and wisdom." + +There was a dignity of conscious knowledge and power in the small +quaint figure which preceded Jane up the staircase. As she followed, +she became aware that her spirit leaned on his and felt sustained +and strengthened. The unexpected conclusion of his sentence, old- +fashioned in its wording, yet almost a prayer, gave her fresh +courage. "May God Almighty give you tact and wisdom," he had said, +little guessing how greatly she needed them. And now another voice, +echoing through memory's arches to organ-music, took up the strain: +"Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come." And with firm though +noiseless step, Jane followed Dr. Mackenzie into the roam where +Garth was lying, helpless, sightless, and disfigured. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX + +THE VOICE IN THE DARKNESS + + +Just the dark head upon the pillow. That was all Jane saw at first, +and she saw it in sunshine. Somehow she had always pictured a +darkened room, forgetting that to him darkness and light were both +alike, and that there was no need to keep out the sunlight, with its +healing, purifying, invigorating powers. + +He had requested to have his bed moved into a corner--the corner +farthest from door, fireplace, and windows--with its left side +against the wall, so that he could feel the blank wall with his hand +and, turning close to it, know himself shut away from all possible +prying of unseen eyes. This was how he now lay, and he did not turn +as they entered. + +Just the dear dark head upon the pillow. It was all Jane saw at +first. Then his right arm in the sleeve of a blue silk sleeping- +suit, stretched slightly behind him as he lay on his left side, the +thin white hand limp and helpless on the coverlet. + +Jane put her hands behind her. The impulse was so strong to fall on +her knees beside the bed, take that poor hand in both her strong +ones, and cover it with kisses. Ah surely, surely then, the dark +head would turn to her, and instead of seeking refuge in the hard, +blank wall, he would hide that sightless face in the boundless +tenderness of her arms. But Deryck's warning voice sounded, grave +and persistent: "If you value your own eventual happiness and his--" +So Jane put her hands behind her back. + +Dr. Mackenzie advanced to the side of the bed and laid his hand upon +Garth's shoulder. Then, with an incredible softening of his rather +strident voice, he spoke so slowly and quietly, that Jane could +hardly believe this to be the man who had jerked out questions, +comments, and orders to her, during the last half-hour. + +"Good morning, Mr. Dalmain. Simpson tells me it has been an +excellent night, the best you have yet had. Now that is good. No +doubt you were relieved to be rid of Johnson, capable though he was, +and to be back in the hands of your own man again. These trained +attendants are never content with doing enough; they always want to +do just a little more, and that little more is a weariness to the +patient.--Now I have brought you to-day one who is prepared to do +all you need, and yet who, I feel sure, will never annoy you by +attempting more than you desire. Sir Deryck Brand's prescription, +Nurse Rosemary Gray, is here; and I believe she is prepared to be +companion, secretary, reader, anything you want, in fact a new pair +of eyes for you, Mr. Dalmain, with a clever brain behind them, and a +kind, sympathetic, womanly heart directing and controlling that +brain. Nurse Gray arrived this morning, Mr. Dalmain." + +No response from the bed. But Garth's hand groped for the wall; +touched it, then dropped listlessly back. + +Jane could not realise that SHE was "Nurse Gray." She only longed +that her poor boy need not be bothered with the woman! It all +seemed, at this moment, a thing apart from herself and him. + +Dr. Mackenzie spoke again. "Nurse Rosemary Gray is in the room, Mr. +Dalmain." + +Then Garth's instinctive chivalry struggled up through the +blackness. He did not turn his head, but his right hand made a +little courteous sign of greeting, and he said in a low, distinct +voice: "How do you do? I am sure it is most kind of you to come so +far. I hope you had an easy journey." + +Jane's lips moved, but no sound would pass them. + +Dr. Rob made answer quickly, without looking at her: "Miss Gray had +a very good journey, and looks as fresh this morning as if she had +spent the night in bed. I can see she is a cold-water young lady." + +"I hope my housekeeper will make her comfortable. Please give +orders," said the tired voice; and Garth turned even closer to the +wall, as if to end the conversation. + +Dr. Rob attacked his moustache, and stood looking down at the blue +silk shoulder for a minute, silently. + +Then he turned and spoke to Jane. "Come over to the window, Nurse +Gray. I want to show you a special chair we have obtained for Mr. +Dalmain, in which he will be most comfortable as soon as he feels +inclined to sit up. You see? Here is an adjustable support for the +head, if necessary; and these various trays and stands and movable +tables can be swung round into any position by a touch. I consider +it excellent, and Sir Deryck approved it. Have you seen one of this +kind before, Nurse Gray?" + +"We had one at the hospital, but not quite so complete as this," +said Jane. + +In the stillness of that sunlit chamber, the voice from the bed +broke upon them with startling suddenness; and in it was the cry of +one lost in an abyss of darkness, but appealing to them with a +frantic demand for instant enlightenment. + +"WHO is in the room?" cried Garth Dalmain. + +His face was still turned to the wall; but he had raised himself on +his left elbow, in an attitude which betokened intent listening. + +Dr. Mackenzie answered. "No one is in the room, Mr. Dalmain, but +myself and Nurse Gray." + +"There IS some one else in the room!" said Garth violently. "How +dare you lie to me! Who was speaking?" + +Then Jane came quickly to the side of the bed. Her hands were +trembling, but her voice was perfectly under control. + +"It was I who spoke, sir," she said; "Nurse Rosemary Gray. And I +feel sure I know why my voice startled you. Dr. Brand warned me it +might do so. He said I must not be surprised if you detected a +remarkable similarity between my voice and that of a mutual friend +of yours and his. He said he had often noticed it." + +Garth, in his blindness, remained quite still; listening and +considering. At length he asked slowly: "Did he say whose voice?" + +"Yes, for I asked him. He said it was Miss Champion's." + +Garth's head dropped back upon the pillow. Then without turning he +said in a tone which Jane knew meant a smile on that dear hidden +face: "You must forgive me, Miss Gray, for being so startled and so +stupidly, unpardonably agitated. But, you know, being blind is still +such a new experience, and every fresh voice which breaks through +the black curtain of perpetual night, means so infinitely more than +the speaker realises. The resemblance in your voice to that of the +lady Sir Deryck mentioned is so remarkable that, although I know her +to be at this moment in Egypt, I could scarcely believe she was not +in the room. And yet the most unlikely thing in the world would be +that she should have been in this room. So I owe you and Dr. +Mackenzie most humble apologies for my agitation and unbelief." + +He stretched out his right hand, palm upwards, towards Jane. + +Jane clasped her shaking hands behind her. + +"Now, Nurse, if you please," broke in Dr. Mackenzie's rasping voice +from the window, "I have a few more details to explain to you over +here." + +They talked together for a while without interruption, until Dr. Rob +remarked: "I suppose I will have to be going." + +Then Garth said: "I wish to speak to you alone, doctor, for a few +minutes." + +"I will wait for you downstairs, Dr. Mackenzie," said Jane, and was +moving towards the door, when an imperious gesture from Dr. Rob +stopped her, and she turned silently to the fireplace. She could not +see any need now for this subterfuge, and it annoyed her. But the +freckled little Napoleon of the moors was not a man to be lightly +disobeyed. He walked to the door, opened and closed it; then +returned to the bedside, drew up a chair, and sat down. + +"Now, Mr. Dalmain," he said. + +Garth sat up and turned towards him eagerly. + +Then, for the first time, Jane saw his face. + +"Doctor," he said, "tell me about this nurse. Describe her to me." + +The tension in tone and attitude was extreme. His hands were clasped +in front of him, as if imploring sight through the eyes of another. +His thin white face, worn with suffering, looked so eager and yet so +blank. + +"Describe her to me, doctor," he said; "this Nurse Rosemary Gray, as +you call her." + +"But it is not a pet name of mine, my dear sir," said Dr. Rob +deliberately. "It is the young lady's own name, and a pretty one, +too. 'Rosemary for remembrance.' Is not that Shakespeare?" + +"Describe her to me," insisted Garth, for the third time. + +Dr. Mackenzie glanced at Jane. But she had turned her back, to hide +the tears which were streaming down her cheeks. Oh, Garth! Oh, +beautiful Garth of the shining eyes! + +Dr. Rob drew Deryck's letter from his pocket and studied it. + +"Well," he said slowly, "she is a pretty, dainty little thing; just +the sort of elegant young woman you would like to have about you, +could you see her." + +"Dark or fair?" asked Garth. + +The doctor glanced at what he could see of Jane's cheek, and at the +brown hands holding on to the mantelpiece. + +"Fair," said Dr. Rob, without a moment's hesitation. + +Jane started and glanced round. Why should this little man be lying +on his own account? + +"Hair?" queried the strained voice from the bed. + +"Well," said Dr. Rob deliberately, "it is mostly tucked away under a +modest little cap; but, were it not for that wise restraint, I +should say it might be that kind of fluffy, fly-away floss-silk, +which puts the finishing touch to a dainty, pretty woman." + +Garth lay back, panting, and pressed his hands over his sightless +face. + +"Doctor," he said, "I know I have given you heaps of trouble, and +to-day you must think me a fool. But if you do not wish me to go mad +in my blindness, send that girl away. Do not let her enter my room +again." + +"Now, Mr. Dalmain," said Dr. Mackenzie patiently; "let us consider +this thing. We may take it you have nothing against this young lady +excepting a chance resemblance in her voice to that of a friend of +yours now far away. Was not this other lady a pleasant person.?" + +Garth laughed suddenly, bitterly; a laugh like a hard, sob. "Oh, +yes," he said, "she was quite a pleasant person." + +"'Rosemary for remembrance,'" quoted Dr. Rob. "Then why should not +Nurse Rosemary call up a pleasant remembrance? Also it seems to me +to be a kind, sweet, womanly voice, which is something to be +thankful for nowadays, when so many women talk, fit to scare the +crows; cackle, cackle, cackle--like stones rattling in a tin +canister." + +"But can't you understand, doctor," said Garth wearily, "that it is +just the remembrance and the resemblance which, in my blindness, I +cannot bear? I have nothing against her voice, Heaven knows! But I +tell you, when I heard it first I thought it was--it was she--the +other--come to me--here--and--" Garth's voice ceased suddenly. + +"The pleasant lady?" suggested Dr. Rob. "I see. Well now, Mr. +Dalmain, Sir Deryck said the best thing that could happen would be +if you came to wish for visitors. It appears you have many friends +ready and anxious to come any distance in order to bring you help or +cheer. Why not let me send for this pleasant lady? I make no doubt +she would come. Then when she herself had sat beside you, and talked +with you, the nurse's voice would trouble you no longer." + +Garth sat up again, his face wild with protest. Jane turned on the +hearth-rug, and stood watching it. + +"No, doctor," he said. "Oh, my God, no! In the whole world, she is +the last person I would have enter this room!" + +Dr. Mackenzie bent forward to examine minutely a microscopic darn in +the sheet. "And why?" he asked very low. + +"Because," said Garth, "that pleasant lady, as you rightly call her, +has a noble, generous heart, and it might overflow with pity for my +blindness; and pity from her I could not accept. It would be the +last straw upon my heavy cross. I can bear the cross, doctor; I hope +in time to carry it manfully, until God bids me lay it down. But +that last straw--HER pity--would break me. I should fall in the +dark, to rise no more." + +"I see," said Dr. Rob gently. "Poor laddie! The pleasant lady must +not come." + +He waited silently a few minutes, then pushed back his chair and +stood up. + +"Meanwhile," he said, "I must rely on you, Mr. Dalmain, to be +agreeable to Nurse Rosemary Gray, and not to make her task too +difficult. I dare not send her back. She is Dr. Brand's choice. +Besides--think of the cruel blow to her in her profession. Think of +it, man!--sent off at a moment's notice, after spending five minutes +in her patient's room, because, forsooth, her voice maddened him! +Poor child! What a statement to enter on her report! See her appear +before the matron with it! Can't you be generous and unselfish +enough to face whatever trial there may be for you in this bit of a +coincidence?" + +Garth hesitated. "Dr. Mackenzie," he said at last, "will you swear +to me that your description of this young lady was accurate in every +detail?" + +"'Swear not at all,'" quoted Dr. Rob unctuously. "I had a pious +mother, laddie. Besides I can do better than that. I will let you +into a secret. I was reading from Sir Deryck's letter. I am no +authority on women myself, having always considered dogs and horses +less ensnaring and more companionable creatures. So I would not +trust my own eyes, but preferred to give you Sir Deryck's +description. You will allow him to be a fine judge of women. You +have seen Lady Brand?" + +"Seen her? Yes," said Garth eagerly, a slight flush tinting his thin +cheeks, "and more than that, I've painted her. Ah, such a picture!-- +standing at a table, the sunlight in her hair, arranging golden +daffodils in an old Venetian vase. Did you see it, doctor, in the +New Gallery, two years ago?" + +"No," said Dr. Rob. "I am not finding myself in galleries, new or +old. But"--he turned a swift look of inquiry on Jane, who nodded-- +"Nurse Gray was telling me she had seen it." + +"Really?" said Garth, interested. "Somehow one does not connect +nurses with picture galleries." + +"I don't know why not," said Dr. Rob. "They must go somewhere for +their outings. They can't be everlastingly nosing shop windows in +all weathers; so why not go in and have a look at your pictures? +Besides, Miss Rosemary is a young lady of parts. Sir Deryck assures +me she is a gentlewoman by birth, well-read and intelligent.--Now, +laddie, what is it to be?" + +Garth considered silently. + +Jane turned away and gripped the mantelpiece. So much hung in the +balance during that quiet minute. + +At length Garth spoke, slowly, hesitatingly. "If only I could quite +disassociate the voice from the--from that other personality. If I +could be quite sure that, though her voice is so extraordinarily +like, she herself is not--" he paused, and Jane's heart stood still. +Was a description of herself coming?--"is not at all like the face +and figure which stand clear in my remembrance as associated with +that voice." + +"Well," said Dr. Rob, "I'm thinking we can manage that for you. +These nurses know their patients must be humoured. We will call the +young lady back, and she shall kneel down beside your bed--Bless +you! She won't mind, with me to play old Gooseberry!--and you shall +pass your hands over her face and hair, and round her little waist, +and assure yourself, by touch, what an elegant, dainty little person +it is, in a blue frock and white apron." + +Garth burst out laughing, and his voice had a tone it had not yet +held. "Of all the preposterous suggestions!" he said. "Good heavens! +What an ass I must have been making of myself! And I begin to think +I have exaggerated the resemblance. In a day or two, I shall cease +to notice it. And, look here, doctor, if she really was interested +in that portrait--Here, I say--where are you going?" + +"All right, sir," said Dr. Rob. "I was merely moving a chair over to +the fireside, and taking the liberty of pouring out a glass of +water. Really you are becoming abnormally quick of hearing. Now I am +all attention. What about the portrait?" + +"I was only going to say, if she the nurse, you know--is really +interested in my portrait of Lady Brand, there are studies of it up +in the studio, which she might care to see. If she brought them here +and described them to me I could explain--But, I say, doctor. I +can't have dainty young ladies in and out of my room while I'm in +bed. Why shouldn't I get up and try that chair of yours? Send +Simpson along; and tell him to look out my brown lounge-suit and +orange tie. Good heavens! what a blessing to have the MEMORY of +colours and of how they blend! Think of the fellows who are BORN +blind. And please ask Miss Gray to go out in the pine wood, or on +the moor, or use the motor, or rest, or do anything she likes. Tell +her to make herself quite at home; but on no account to come up here +until Simpson reports me ready." + +"You may rely on Nurse Gray to be most discreet," said Dr. Rob; +whose voice had suddenly become very husky. "And as for getting up, +laddie, don't go too fast. You will not find your strength equal to +much. But I am bound to tell you there is nothing to keep you in bed +if you feel like rising." + +"Good-bye, doctor," said Garth, groping for his hand; "and I am +sorry I shall never be able to offer to paint Mrs. Mackenzie!" + +"You'd have to paint her with a shaggy head, four paws, and the +softest amber eyes in the world," said Dr. Rob tenderly; "and, +looking out from those eyes, the most faithful, loving dog-heart in +creation. In all the years we've kept house together she has never +failed to meet me with a welcome, never contradicted me or wanted +the last word, and never worried me for so much as the price of a +bonnet. There's a woman for you!--Well, good-bye, lad, and God +Almighty bless you. And be careful how you go. Do not be surprised +if I look in again on my way back from my rounds to see how you like +that chair." + +Dr. Mackenzie held open the door. Jane passed noiselessly out before +him. He followed, signing to her to precede him down the stairs. + +In the library, Jane turned and faced him. He put her quietly into a +chair and stood before her. The bright blue eyes were moist, beneath +the shaggy brows. + +"My dear," he said, "I feel myself somewhat of a blundering old +fool. You must forgive me. I never contemplated putting you through +such an ordeal. I perfectly understand that, while he hesitated, you +must have felt your whole career at stake. I see you have been +weeping; but you must not take it too much to heart that our patient +made so much of your voice resembling this Miss Champion's. He will +forget all about it in a day or two, and you will be worth more to +him than a dozen Miss Champions. See what good you have done him +already. Here he is wanting to get up and explain his pictures to +you. Never you fear. You will soon win your way, and I shall be able +to report to Sir Deryck what a fine success you have made of the +case. Now I must see the valet and give him very full instructions. +And I recommend you to go for a blow on the moor and get an appetite +for lunch. Only put on something warmer than that. You will have no +sick-room work to do; and having duly impressed me with your +washableness and serviceableness, you may as well wear something +comfortable to protect you from our Highland nip. Have you warmer +clothing with you?" + +"It is the rule of our guild to wear uniform," said Jane; "but I +have a grey merino." + +"Ah, I see. Well, wear the grey merino. I shall return in two hours +to observe how he stands that move. Now, don't let me keep you." + +"Dr. Mackenzie," said Jane quietly, "may I ask why you described me +as fair; and my very straight, heavy, plainly coiled hair, as +fluffy, fly-away floss-silk?" + +Dr. Rob had already reached the bell, but at her question he stayed +his hand and, turning, met Jane's steadfast eyes with the shrewd +turquoise gleam of his own. + +"Why certainly you may ask, Nurse Rosemary Gray," he said, "though I +wonder you think it necessary to do so. It was of course perfectly +evident to me that, for reasons of his own, Sir Deryck wished to +paint an imaginary portrait of you to the patient, most likely +representing some known ideal of his. As the description was so +different from the reality, I concluded that, to make the portrait +complete, the two touches unfortunately left to me to supply, had +better be as unlike what I saw before me as the rest of the picture. +And now, if you will be good enough--" Dr. Rob rang the bell +violently. + +"And why did you take the risk of suggesting that he should feel +me?" persisted Jane. + +"Because I knew he was a gentleman," shouted Dr. Rob angrily. "Oh, +come in, Simpson--come in, my good fellow--and shut that door! And +God Almighty be praised that He made you and me MEN, and not women!" + +A quarter of an hour later, Jane watched him drive away, thinking to +herself: "Deryck was right. But what a queer mixture of shrewdness +and obtuseness, and how marvellously it worked out to the +furtherance of our plans." + +But as she watched the dog-cart start off at a smart trot across the +moor, she would have been more than a little surprised could she +have overheard Dr. Rob's muttered remarks to himself, as he gathered +up the reins and cheered on his sturdy cob. He had a habit of +talking over his experiences, half aloud, as he drove from case to +case; the two sides of his rather complex nature apparently +comparing notes with each other. And the present conversation opened +thus: + +"Now what has brought the Honourable Jane up here?" said Dr. Rob. + +"Dashed if I know," said Dr. Mackenzie. + +"You must not swear, laddie," said Dr. Rob; "you had a pious +mother." + + + + +CHAPTER XX + +JANE REPORTS PROGRESS + + +Letter from the Honourable Jane Champion to Sir Deryck Brand. + +Castle Gleneesh, N. B. + +My dear Deryck: My wires and post-cards have not told you much +beyond the fact of my safe arrival. Having been here a fortnight, I +think it is time I sent you a report. Only you must remember that I +am a poor scribe. From infancy it has always been difficult to me to +write anything beyond that stock commencement: "I hope you are quite +well;" and I approach the task of a descriptive letter with an +effort which is colossal. And yet I wish I might, for once, borrow +the pen of a ready writer; because I cannot help knowing that I have +been passing through experiences such as do not often fall to the +lot of a woman. + +Nurse Rosemary Gray is getting on capitally. She is making herself +indispensable to the patient, and he turns to her with a +completeness of confidence which causes her heart to swell with +professional pride. + +Poor Jane has got no further than hearing, from his own lips, that +she is the very last person in the whole world he would wish should +come near him in his blindness. When she was suggested as a possible +visitor, he said: "Oh, my God, NO!" and his face was one wild, +horrified protest. So Jane is getting her horsewhipping, Boy, and-- +according to the method of a careful and thoughtful judge, who +orders thirty lashes of the "cat," in three applications of ten--so +is Jane's punishment laid on at intervals; not more than she can +bear at a time; but enough to keep her heart continually sore, and +her spirit in perpetual dread. And you, dear, clever doctor, are +proved perfectly right in your diagnosis of the sentiment of the +case. He says her pity would be the last straw on his already heavy +cross; and the expression is an apt one, her pity for him being +indeed a thing of straw. The only pity she feels is pity for +herself, thus hopelessly caught in the meshes of her own mistake. +But how to make him realise this, is the puzzle. + +Do you remember how the Israelites were shut in, between Migdol and +the sea? I knew Migdol meant "towers," but I never understood the +passage, until I stood upon that narrow wedge of desert, with the +Red Sea in front and on the left; the rocky range of Gebel Attaka on +the right, towering up against the sky, like the weird shapes of an +impregnable fortress; the sole outlet or inlet behind, being the +route they had just travelled from Egypt, and along which the +chariots and horsemen of Pharaoh were then thundering in hot +pursuit. Even so, Boy, is poor Jane now tramping her patch of +desert, which narrows daily to the measure of her despair. Migdol is +HIS certainty that HER love could only be pity. The Red Sea is the +confession into which she must inevitably plunge, to avoid scaling +Migdol; in the chill waters of which, as she drags him in with her, +his love is bound to drown, as waves of doubt and mistrust sweep +over its head,--doubts which he has lost the power of removing; +mistrust which he can never hope to prove to have been false and +mistaken. And behind come galloping the hosts of Pharaoh; chance, +speeding on the wheels of circumstance. At any moment some accident +may compel a revelation; and instantly HE will be scaling rocky +Migdol, with torn hands and bleeding feet; and she--poor Jane-- +floundering in the depths of the Red Sea. O for a Moses, with divine +commission, to stretch out the rod of understanding love, making a +safe way through; so that together they might reach the Promised +Land! Dear wise old Boy, dare you undertake the role of Moses! + +But here am I writing like a page of Baedeker, and failing to report +on actual facts. + +As you may suppose, Jane grows haggard and thin in spite of old +Margery's porridge--which is "put on" every day after lunch, for the +next morning's breakfast, and anybody passing "gives it a stir." Did +you know that was the right way to make porridge, Deryck? I always +thought it was made in five minutes, as wanted. Margery says that +must be the English stuff which profanely goes by the name. (N.B. +Please mark the self-control with which I repeat Scotch remarks, +without rushing into weird spelling; a senseless performance, it +seems to me. For if you know already how old Margery pronounces +"porridge," you can read her pronunciation into the sentence; and if +you do not know it, no grotesque spelling on my part could convey to +your mind any but a caricatured version of the pretty Scotch accent +with which Margery says: "Stir the porridge, Nurse Gray." In fact, I +am agreeably surprised at the ease with which I understand the +natives, and the pleasure I derive from their conversation; for, +after wrestling with one or two modern novels dealing with the +Highlands, I had expected to find the language an unknown tongue. +Instead of which, lo! and behold, old Margery, Maggie the housemaid, +Macdonald the gardener, and Macalister the game-keeper, all speak a +rather purer English than I do; far more carefully pronounced, and +with every R sounded and rolled. Their idioms are more +characteristic than their accent. They say "whenever" for "when," +and use in their verbs several quaint variations of tense.) + +But what a syntactical digression! Oh, Boy, the wound at my heart is +so deep and so sore that I dread the dressings, even by your +delicate touch. Where was I? Ah, the porridge gave me my loophole of +escape. Well, as I was saying, Jane grows worn and thin, old +Margery's porridge notwithstanding; but Nurse Rosemary Gray is +flourishing, and remains a pretty, dainty little thing, with the +additional charm of fluffy, fly-away floss-silk, for hair,--Dr. +Rob's own unaided contribution to the fascinating picture. By the +way, I was quite unprepared to find him such a character. I learn +much from Dr. Mackenzie, and I love Dr. Rob, excepting on those +occasions when I long to pick him up by the scruff of his fawn +overcoat and drop him out of the window. + +On the point of Nurse Rosemary's personal appearance, I found it +best to be perfectly frank with the household. You can have no +conception how often awkward moments arose; as, for instance, in the +library, the first time Garth came downstairs; when he ordered +Simpson to bring the steps for Miss Gray, and Simpson opened his +lips to remark that Nurse Gray could reach to the top shelf on her +own tiptoes with the greatest ease, he having just seen her do it. +Mercifully, the perfect training of an English man-servant saved the +situation, and he merely said: "Yessir; certainly sir," and looked +upon, me, standing silently by, as a person who evidently delighted +in giving unnecessary trouble. Had it been dear old Margery with her +Scotch tongue, which starts slowly, but gathers momentum as it +rolls, and can never be arrested until the full flood of her thought +has been poured forth, I should have been constrained to pick her up +bodily in my dainty arms and carry her out. + +So I sent for Simpson and Margery to the dining-room that evening, +when the master was safely out of ear-shot, and told them that, for +reasons which I could not fully explain, a very incorrect +description of my appearance had been given him. He thought me small +and slim; fair and very pretty; and it was most important, in order +to avoid long explanations and mental confusion for him, that he +should not at present be undeceived. Simpson's expression of polite +attention did not vary, and his only comment was: "Certainly, miss. +Quite so." But across old Margery's countenance, while I was +speaking, passed many shades of opinion, which, fortunately, by the +time I had finished, crystallized into an approving smile of +acquiescence. She even added her own commentary: "And a very good +thing, too, I am thinking. For Master Garth, poor laddie, was always +so set upon having beauty about him. 'Master Garthie,' I would say +to him, when he had friends coming, and all his ideas in talking +over the dinner concerned the cleaning up of the old silver, and +putting out of Valentine glass and Worstered china; 'Master +Garthie,' I would say, feeling the occasion called for the apt +quoting of Scripture, 'it appears to me your attention is given +entirely to the outside of the cup and platter, and you care nothing +for all the good things that lie within.' So it is just as well to +keep him deceived, Miss Gray." And then, as Simpson coughed +tactfully behind his hand, and nudged her very obviously with his +elbow, she added, as a sympathetic after-thought: "For, though a +homey face may indeed be redeemed by its kindly expression, you +cannot very well explain expression to the blind. "So you see, +Deryck, this shrewd old body, who has known Garth from boyhood, +would have entirely agreed with the decision of three years ago. + +Well, to continue my report. The voice gave us some trouble, as you +foresaw, and the whole plan hung in the balance during a few awful +moments; for, though he easily accepted the explanation we had +planned, he sent me out, and told Dr. Mackenzie my voice in his room +would madden him. Dr. Rob was equal to the occasion, and won the +day; and Garth, having once given in, never mentioned the matter +again. Only, sometimes I see him listening and remembering. + +But Nurse Rosemary Gray has beautiful hours when poor anxious, +yearning Jane is shut out. For her patient turns to her, and depends +on her, and talks to her, and tries to reach her mind, and shows her +his, and is a wonderful person to live with and know. Jane, marching +about in the cold, outside, and hearing them talk, realises how +little she understood the beautiful gift which was laid at her feet; +how little she had grasped the nature and mind of the man whom she +dismissed as "a mere boy." Nurse Rosemary, sitting beside him during +long sweet hours of companionship, is learning it; and Jane, ramping +up and down her narrowing strip of desert, tastes the sirocco of +despair. + +And now I come to the point of my letter, and, though I am a woman, +I will not put it in a postscript. + +Deryck, can you come up soon, to pay him a visit, and to talk to me? +I don't think I can bear it, unaided, much longer; and he would so +enjoy having you, and showing you how he had got on, and all the +things he had already learned to do. Also you might put in a word +for Jane; or at all events, get at his mind on the subject. Oh, Boy, +if you COULD spare forty-eight hours! And a breath of the moors +would be good for you. Also I have a little private plan, which +depends largely for its fulfilment on your coming. Oh, Boy--come! + +Yours, needing you, + +Jeanette. + +From Sir Deryck Brand to Nurse Rosemary Gray, Castle Gleneesh, N. B. + +Wimpole Street. + +My dear Jeanette: Certainly I will come. I will leave Euston on +Friday evening. I can spend the whole of Saturday and most of Sunday +at Gleneesh, but must be home in time for Monday's work. + +I will do my best, only, alas! I am not Moses, and do not possess +his wonder-working rod. Moreover, latest investigations have proved +that the Israelites could not have crossed at the place you mention, +but further north at the Bitter Lakes; a mere matter of detail, in +no way affecting the extreme appositeness of your illustration, +rather, adding to it; for I fear there are bitter waters ahead of +you, my poor girl. + +Still I am hopeful, nay, more than hopeful,--confident. Often of +late, in connection with you, I have thought of the promise about +all things working together for good. Any one can make GOOD things +work together for good: but only the Heavenly Father can bring good +out of evil; and, taking all our mistakes and failings and +foolishnesses, cause them to work to our most perfect well-being. +The more intricate and involved this problem of human existence +becomes, the greater the need to take as our own clear rule of life: +"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own +understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct +thy paths." Ancient marching orders, and simple; but true, and +therefore eternal. + +I am glad Nurse Rosemary is proving so efficient, but I hope we may +not have to face yet another complication in our problem. Suppose +our patient falls in love with dainty little Nurse Rosemary, where +will Jane be then? I fear the desert would have to open its mouth +and swallow her up. We must avert such a catastrophe. Could not +Rosemary be induced to drop an occasional H, or to confess herself +as rather "gone" on Simpson? + +Oh, my poor old girl! I could not jest thus, were I not coming +shortly to your aid. + +How maddening it is! And you so priceless! But most men are either +fools or blind, and one is both. Trust me to prove it to him,--to my +own satisfaction and his,--if I get the chance. + +Yours always devotedly, + +Deryck Brand. + +From Sir Deryck Brand to Dr. Robert Mackenzie. + +Dear Mackenzie: Do you consider it to be advisable that I should +shortly pay a visit to our patient at Gleneesh and give an opinion +on his progress? + +I find I can make it possible to come north this week-end. + +I hope you are satisfied with the nurse I sent up. + +Yours very faithfully, + +Deryck Brand. + +From Dr. Robert Mackenzie to Sir Deryck Brand. + +Dear Sir Deryck: Every possible need of the patient's is being met +by the capable lady you sent to be his nurse. I am no longer needed. +Nor are you--for the patient. But I deem it exceedingly advisable +that you should shortly pay a visit to the nurse, who is losing more +flesh than a lady of her proportions can well afford. + +Some secret care, besides the natural anxiety of having the +responsibility of this case, is wearing her out. She may confide in +you. She cannot quite bring herself to trust in + +Your humble servant, + +Robert Mackenzie. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI + +HARD ON THE SECRETARY + + +Nurse Rosemary sat with her patient in the sunny library at +Gleneesh. A small table was between them, upon which lay a pile of +letters--his morning mail--ready for her to open, read to him, and +pass across, should there chance to be one among them he wished to +touch or to keep in his pocket. + +They were seated close to the French window opening on to the +terrace; the breeze, fragrant with the breath of spring flowers, +blew about them, and the morning sun streamed in. + +Garth, in white flannels, wearing a green tie and a button-hole of +primroses, lay back luxuriously, enjoying, with his rapidly +quickening senses, the scent of the flowers and the touch of the +sun-beams. + +Nurse Rosemary finished reading a letter of her own, folded it, and +put it in her pocket with a feeling of thankful relief. Deryck was +coming. He had not failed her. + +"A man's letter, Miss Gray," said Garth unexpectedly. + +"Quite right," said Nurse Rosemary. "How did you know?" + +"Because it was on one sheet. A woman's letter on a matter of great +importance would have run to two, if not three. And that letter was +on a matter of importance. " + +"Right again," said Nurse Rosemary, smiling. "And again, how did you +know?" + +"Because you gave a little sigh of relief after reading the first +line, and another, as you folded it and replaced it in the +envelope." + +Nurse Rosemary laughed. "You are getting on so fast, Mr. Dalmain, +that soon we shall be able to keep no secrets. My letter was from--" + +"Oh, don't tell me," cried Garth quickly, putting out his hand in +protest. "I had no idea of seeming curious as to your private +correspondence, Miss Gray. Only it is such a pleasure to report +progress to you in the things I manage to find out without being +told." + +"But I meant to tell you anyway," said Nurse Rosemary. "The letter +is from Sir Deryck, and, amongst other things, he says he is coming +up to see you next Saturday." + +"Ah, good!" said Garth. "And what a change he will find! And I shall +have the pleasure of reporting on the nurse, secretary, reader, and +unspeakably patient guide and companion he provided for me." Then he +added, in a tone of suddenly awakened anxiety: "He is not coming to +take you away, is he?" + +"No," said Nurse Rosemary, "not yet. But, Mr. Dalmain, I was wanting +to ask whether you could spare me just during forty-eight hours; and +Dr. Brand's visit would be an excellent opportunity. I could leave +you more easily, knowing you would have his companionship. If I may +take the week-end, leaving on Friday night, I could return early on +Monday morning, and be with you in time to do the morning letters. +Dr. Brand would read you Saturday's and Sunday's--Ah, I forgot; +there is no Sunday post. So I should miss but one; and he would more +than take my place in other ways." + +"Very well," said Garth, striving not to show disappointment. "I +should have liked that we three should have talked together. But no +wonder you want a time off. Shall you be going far?" + +"No; I have friends near by. And now, do you wish to attend to your +letters?" + +"Yes," said Garth, reaching out his hand. "Wait a minute. There is a +newspaper among them. I smell the printing ink. I don't want that. +But kindly give me the rest." + +Nurse Rosemary took out the newspaper; then pushed the pile along, +until it touched his hand. + +Garth took them. "What a lot!" he said, smiling in pleasurable +anticipation. "I say, Miss Gray, if you profit as you ought to do by +the reading of so many epistles written in every possible and +impossible style, you ought to be able to bring out a pretty +comprehensive 'Complete Letter-writer.' Do you remember the +condolences of Mrs. Parker-Bangs? I think that was the first time we +really laughed together. Kind old soul! But she should not have +mentioned blind Bartimaeus dipping seven times in the pool of +Siloam. It is always best to avoid classical allusions, especially +if sacred, unless one has them accurately. Now--" Garth paused. + +He had been handling his letters, one by one; carefully fingering +each, before laying it on the table beside him. He had just come to +one written on foreign paper, and sealed. He broke off his sentence +abruptly, held the letter silently for a moment, then passed his +fingers slowly over the seal. + +Nurse Rosemary watched him anxiously. He made no remark, but after a +moment laid it down and took up the next. But when he passed the +pile across to her, he slipped the sealed letter beneath the rest, +so that she should come to it last of all. + +Then the usual order of proceedings commenced. Garth lighted a +cigarette--one of the first things he had learned to do for himself- +-and smoked contentedly, carefully placing his ash-tray, and almost +unfailingly locating the ash, in time and correctly. + +Nurse Rosemary took up the first letter, read the postmark, and +described the writing on the envelope. Garth guessed from whom it +came, and was immensely pleased if, on opening, his surmise proved +correct. There were nine to-day, of varying interest,--some from men +friends, one or two from charming women who professed themselves +ready to come and see him as soon as he wished for visitors, one +from a blind asylum asking for a subscription, a short note from the +doctor heralding his visit, and a bill for ties from a Bond Street +shop. + +Nurse Rosemary's fingers shook as she replaced the eighth in its +envelope. The last of the pile lay on the table. As she took it up, +Garth with a quick movement flung his cigarette-end through the +window, and lay back, shading his face with his hand. + +"Did I shoot straight, nurse?" he asked. + +She leaned forward and saw the tiny column of blue smoke rising from +the gravel. + +"Quite straight," she said. "Mr. Dalmain, this letter has an +Egyptian stamp, and the postmark is Cairo. It is sealed with scarlet +sealing-wax, and the engraving on the seal is a plumed helmet with +the visor closed." + +"And the writing?" asked Garth, mechanically and very quietly. + +"The handwriting is rather bold and very clear, with no twirls or +flourishes. It is written with a broad nib." + +"Will you kindly open it, nurse, and tell me the signature before +reading the rest of the letter." + +Nurse Rosemary fought with her throat, which threatened to close +altogether and stifle her voice. She opened the letter, turned to +the last page, and found the signature. + +"It is signed 'Jane Champion,' Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary. + +"Read it, please," said Garth quietly. And Nurse Rosemary began. + +Dear Dal: What CAN I write? If I were with you, there would be so +much I could say; but writing is so difficult, so impossible. + +I know it is harder for you than it would have been for any of us; +but you will be braver over it than we should have been, and you +will come through splendidly, and go on thinking life beautiful, and +making it seem so to other people. _I_ never thought it so until +that summer at Overdene and Shenstone when you taught me the +perception of beauty. Since then, in every sunset and sunrise, in +the blue-green of the Atlantic, the purple of the mountains, the +spray of Niagara, the cherry blossom of Japan, the golden deserts of +Egypt, I have thought of you, and understood them better, because of +you. Oh, Dal! I should like to come and tell you all about them, and +let you see them through my eyes; and then you would widen out my +narrow understanding of them, and show them again to me in greater +loveliness. + +I hear you receive no visitors; but cannot you make just one +exception, and let me come? + +I was at the Great Pyramid when I heard. I was sitting on the piazza +after dinner. The moonlight called up memories. I had just made up +my mind to give up the Nile, and to come straight home, and write +asking you to come and see me; when General Loraine turned up, with +an English paper and a letter from Myra, and--I heard. Would you +have come, Garth? + +And now, my friend, as you cannot come to me, may I come to you? If +you just say: "COME," I will come from any part of the world where I +may chance to be when the message reaches me. Never mind this +Egyptian address. I shall not be there when you are hearing this. +Direct to me at my aunt's town house. All my letters go there, and +are forwarded unopened. + +LET ME COME. And oh, do believe that I know something of how hard it +is for you. But God can "enable." + +Believe me to be, + +Yours, more than I can write, + +Jane Champion. + +Garth removed the hand which had been shielding his face. + +"If you are not tired, Miss Gray, after reading so many letters, I +should like to dictate my answer to that one immediately, while it +is fresh in my mind. Have you paper there? Thank you. May we begin?- +Dear Miss Champion . . . I am deeply touched by your kind letter of +sympathy . . . It was especially good of you to write to me from so +far away amid so much which might well have diverted your attention +from friends at home." + +A long pause. Nurse Rosemary Gray waited, pen in hand, and hoped the +beating of her heart was only in her own ears, and not audible +across the small table. + +"I am glad you did not give up the Nine trip but--" + +An early bee hummed in from the hyacinths and buzzed against the +pane. Otherwise the room was very still. + +--"but of course, if you had sent for me I should have come." + +The bee fought the window angrily, up and down, up and down, for +several minutes; then found the open glass and whirled out into the +sunshine, joyfully. + +Absolute silence in the room, until Garth's quiet voice broke it as +he went on dictating. + +"It is more than kind of you to suggest coming to see me, but--" + +Nurse Rosemary dropped her pen. "Oh, Mr. Dalmain," she said, "let +her come." + +Garth turned upon her a face of blank surprise. + +"I do not wish it," he said, in a tone of absolute finality. + +"But think how hard it must be for any one to want so much to be +near a--a friend in trouble, and to be kept away." + +"It is only her wonderful kindness of heart makes her offer to come, +Miss Gray. She is a friend and comrade of long ago. It would greatly +sadden her to see me thus." + +"It does not seem so to her," pleaded Nurse Rosemary. "Ah, cannot +you read between the lines? Or does it take a woman's heart to +understand a woman's letter? Did I read it badly? May I read it over +again?" + +A look of real annoyance gathered upon Garth's face. He spoke with +quiet sternness, a frown bending his straight black brows. + +"You read it quite well," he said, "but you do not do well to +discuss it. I must feel able to dictate my letters to my secretary, +without having to explain them." + +"I beg your pardon, sir," said Nurse Rosemary humbly. "I was wrong." + +Garth stretched his hand across the table, and left it there a +moment; though no responsive hand was placed within it. + +"Never mind," he said, with his winning smile, "my kind little +mentor and guide. You can direct me in most things, but not in this. +Now let us conclude. Where were we? Ah--'to suggest coming to see +me.' Did you put `It is most kind' or `It is more than kind?'" + +"'More than kind,'" said Nurse Rosemary, brokenly. + +"Right, for it is indeed more than kind. Only she and I can possibly +know how much more. Now let us go on . . . But I am receiving no +visitors, and do not desire any until I have so mastered my new +circumstances that the handicap connected with them shall neither be +painful nor very noticeable to other people. During the summer I +shall be learning step by step to live this new life, in complete +seclusion at Gleneesh. I feel sure my friends will respect my wish +in this matter. I have with me one who most perfectly and patiently +is helping--Ah, wait!" cried Garth suddenly. "I will not say that. +She might think--she might misunderstand. Had you begun to write it? +No? What was the last word? 'Matter?' Ah yes. That is right. Full +stop after 'matter.' Now let me think." + +Garth dropped his face into his hands, and sat for a long time +absorbed in thought. + +Nurse Rosemary waited. Her right hand held the pen poised over the +paper. Her left was pressed against her breast. Her eyes rested on +that dark bowed head, with a look of unutterable yearning and of +passionate tenderness. At last Garth lifted his face. "Yours very +sincerely, Garth Dalmain;" he said. And, silently, Nurse Rosemary +wrote it. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII + +DR. ROB TO THE RESCUE + + +Into the somewhat oppressive silence which followed the addressing +and closing of the envelope, broke the cheery voice of Dr. Rob. + +"Which is the patient to-day? The lady or the gentleman? Ah, +neither, I see. Both flaunt the bloom of perfect health and make the +doctor shy. It is spring without, but summer within," ran on Dr. Rob +gaily, wondering why both faces were so white and perturbed, and why +there was in the air a sense of hearts in torment. "Flannels seem to +call up boating and picnic parties; and I see you have discarded the +merino, Nurse Gray, and returned to the pretty blue washables. More +becoming, undoubtedly; only, don't take cold; and be sure you feed +up well. In this air people must eat plenty, and you have been +perceptibly losing weight lately. We don't want TOO airy-fairy +dimensions." + +"Why do you always chaff Miss Gray about being small, Dr. Rob?" +asked Garth, in a rather vexed tone. "I am sure being short is in no +way detrimental to her." + +"I will chaff her about being tall if you like," said Dr. Rob, +looking at her with a wicked twinkle, as she stood in the window, +drawn up to her full height, and regarding him with cold +disapproval. + +"I would sooner no comments of any kind were made upon her personal +appearance," said Garth shortly; then added, more pleasantly: "You +see, she is just a voice to me--a kind, guiding voice. At first I +used to form mental pictures of her, of a hazy kind; but now I +prefer to appropriate in all its helpfulness what I DO know, and +leave unimagined what I do not. Did it ever strike you that she is +the only person--bar that fellow Johnson, who belongs to a nightmare +time I am quickly forgetting--I have yet had near me, in my +blindness, whom I had not already seen; the only voice I have ever +heard to which I could not put a face and figure? In time, of +course, there will be many. At present she stands alone to me in +this." + +Dr. Rob's observant eye had been darting about during this +explanation, seeking to focus itself upon something worthy of minute +examination. Suddenly he spied the foreign letter lying close beside +him on the table. + +"Hello!" he said. "Pyramids? The Egyptian stamp? That's interesting. +Have you friends out there, Mr. Dalmain?" + +"That letter came from Cairo," Garth replied; "but I believe Miss +Champion has by now gone on to Syria." Dr. Rob attacked his +moustache, and stared at the letter meditatively. "Champion?" he +repeated. "Champion? It's an uncommon name. Is your correspondent, +by any chance, the Honourable Jane?" + +"Why, that, letter is from her," replied Garth, surprised. "Do you +know her?" His voice vibrated eagerly. + +"Well," answered Dr. Rob, with slow deliberation, "I know her face, +and I know her voice; I know her figure, and I know a pretty good +deal of her character. I know her at home, and I know her abroad. +I've seen her under fire, which is more than most men of her +acquaintance can claim. But there is one thing I never knew until +to-day and that is her handwriting. May I examine this envelope?" He +turned to the window;--yes, this audacious little Scotchman had +asked the question of Nurse Rosemary. But only a broad blue back met +his look of inquiry. Nurse Rosemary was studying the view. He turned +back to Garth, who had evidently already made a sign of assent, and +on whose face was clearly expressed an eager desire to hear more, +and an extreme disinclination to ask for it. + +Dr. Mackenzie took up the envelope and pondered it. + +"Yes," he said, at last, "it is like her,--clear, firm, unwavering; +knowing what it means to say, and saying it; going where it means to +go, and getting there. Ay, lad, it's a grand woman that; and if you +have the Honourable Jane for your friend, you can be doing without a +few other things." + +A tinge of eager colour rose in Garth's thin cheeks. He had been so +starved in his darkness for want of some word concerning her, from +that outer light in which she moved. He had felt so hopelessly cut +off from all chance of hearing of her. And all the while, if only he +had known it, old Robbie could have talked of her. He had had to +question Brand so cautiously, fearing to betray his secret and hers; +but with Dr. Rob and Nurse Gray no such precautions were needed. He +could safely guard his secret, and yet listen and speak. + +"Where--when?" asked Garth. + +"I will tell you where, and I will tell you when," answered Dr. Rob, +"if you feel inclined for a war tale on this peaceful spring +morning." + +Garth was aflame With eagerness. "Have you a chair, doctor?" he +said. "And has Miss Gray a chair?" + +"I have no chair, sir," said Dr. Rob, "because when I intend +thoroughly to enjoy my own eloquence it is my custom to stand. Nurse +Gray has no chair, because she is standing at the window absorbed in +the view. She has apparently ceased to pay any heed to you and me. +You will very rarely find one woman take much interest in tales +about another. But you lean back in your own chair, laddie, and +light a cigarette. And a wonderful thing it is to see you do it, +too, and better than pounding the wall. Eh? All of which we may +consider we owe to the lady who disdains us and prefers the scenery. +Well, I'm not much to look at, goodness knows; and she can see you +all the rest of the day. Now that's a brand worth smoking. What do +you call it--'Zenith'? Ah, and 'Marcovitch.' Yes; you can't better +that for drawing-room and garden purposes. It mingles with the +flowers. Lean back and enjoy it, while I smell gun-powder. For I +will tell you where I first saw the Honourable Jane. Out in South +Africa, in the very thick of the Boer war. I had volunteered for the +sake of the surgery experience. She was out there, nursing; but the +real thing, mind you. None of your dabbling in eau-de-cologne with +lace handkerchiefs, and washing handsome faces when the orderlies +had washed them already; making charming conversation to men who +were getting well, but fleeing in dread from the dead or the dying. +None of that, you may be sure, and none of that allowed in her +hospital; for Miss Champion was in command there, and I can tell you +she made them scoot. She did the work of ten, and expected others to +do it too. Doctors and orderlies adored her. She was always called +'The Honourable Jane,' most of the men sounding the H and +pronouncing the title as four syllables. Ay, and the wounded +soldiers! There was many a lad out there, far from home and friends, +who, when death came, died with a smile on his lips, and a sense of +mother and home quite near, because the Honourable Jane's arm was +around him, and his dying head rested against her womanly breast. +Her voice when she talked to them? No,--that I shall never forget. +And to hear her snap at the women, and order along the men; and then +turn and speak to a sick Tommy as his mother or his sweetheart would +have wished to hear him spoken to, was a lesson in quick-change from +which I am profiting still. And that big, loving heart must often +have been racked; but she was always brave and bright. Just once she +broke down. It was over a boy whom she tried hard to save--quite a +youngster. She had held him during the operation which was his only +chance; and when it proved no good, and he lay back against her +unconscious, she quite broke down and said: 'Oh, doctor,--a mere +boy--and to suffer so, and then die like this!' and gathered him to +her, and wept over him, as his own mother might have done. The +surgeon told me of it himself. He said the hardest hearts in the +tent were touched and softened. But, it was the only time the +Honourable Jane broke down." + +Garth shielded his face with his hand. His half-smoked cigarette +fell unheeded to the floor. The hand that had held it was clenched +on his knee. Dr. Rob picked it up, and rubbed the scorched spot on +the carpet carefully with his foot. He glanced towards the window. +Nurse Rosemary had turned and was leaning against the frame. She did +not look at him, but her eyes dwelt with troubled anxiety on Garth. + +"I came across her several times, at different centres," continued +Dr. Rob; "but we were not in the same departments, and she spoke to +me only once. I had ridden in, from a temporary overflow sort of +place where we were dealing with the worst cases straight off the +field, to the main hospital in the town for a fresh supply of +chloroform. While they fetched it, I walked round the ward, and +there in a corner was Miss Champion, kneeling beside a man whose +last hour was very near, talking to him quietly, and taking measures +at the same time to ease his pain. Suddenly there came a crash--a +deafening rush--and another crash, and the Honourable Jane and her +patient were covered with dust and splinters. A Boer shell had gone +clean through the roof just over their heads. The man sat up, +yelling with fear. Poor chap, you couldn't blame him; dying, and +half under morphine. The Honourable Jane never turned a hair. 'Lie +down, my man,' she said, 'and keep still.' 'Not here,' sobbed the +man. 'All right,' said the Honourable Jane; 'we will soon move you.' +Then she turned and saw me. I was in the most nondescript khaki, a +non-com's jacket which I had caught up on leaving the tent, and +various odds and ends of my outfit which had survived the wear and +tear of the campaign. Also I was dusty with a long gallop. 'Here, +serjeant,' she said, 'lend a hand with this poor fellow. I can't +have him disturbed just now.' That was Jane's only comment on the +passing of a shell within a few yards of her own head. Do you wonder +the men adored her? She placed her hands beneath his shoulders, and +signed to me to take him under the knees, and together we carried +him round a screen, out of the ward, and down a short passage; +turning unexpectedly into a quiet little room, with a comfortable +bed, and photographs and books arranged on the tiny dressing-table. +She said: 'Here, if you please, serjeant,' and we laid him on the +bed. 'Whose is it?' I asked. She looked surprised at being +questioned, but seeing I was a stranger, answered civilly: 'Mine.' +And then, noting that he had dozed off while we carried him, added: +'And he will have done with beds, poor chap, before I need it.' +There's nerve for you!--Well, that was my only conversation out +there with the Honourable Jane. Soon after I had had enough and came +home." + +Garth lifted his head. "Did you ever meet her at home?" he asked. + +"I did," said Dr. Rob. "But she did not remember me. Not a flicker +of recognition. Well, how could I expect it? I wore a beard out +there; no time to shave; and my jacket proclaimed me a serjeant, not +a surgeon. No fault of hers if she did not expect to meet a comrade +from the front in the wilds of--of Piccadilly," finished Dr. Rob +lamely. "Now, having spun so long a yarn, I must be off to your +gardener's cot in the wood, to see his good wife, who has had what +he pathetically calls 'an increase.' I should think a decrease would +have better suited the size of his house. But first I must interview +Mistress Margery in the dining-room. She is anxious about herself +just now because she 'canna eat bacon.' She says it flies between +her shoulders. So erratic a deviation from its normal route on the +part of the bacon, undoubtedly requires investigation. So, by your +leave, I will ring for the good lady." + +"Not just yet, doctor," said a quiet voice from the window. "I want +to see you in the dining-room, and will follow you there +immediately. And afterwards, while you investigate Margery, I will +run up for my bonnet, and walk with you through the woods, if Mr. +Dalmain will not mind an hour alone." + +When Jane reached the dining-room, Dr. Robert Mackenzie was standing +on the hearth-rug in a Napoleonic attitude, just as on the morning +of their first interview. He looked up uncertainly as she came in. + +"Well?" he said. "Am I to pay the piper?" + +Jane came straight to him, with both hands extended. + +"Ah, serjeant!" she said. "You dear faithful old serjeant! See what +comes of wearing another man's coat. And my dilemma comes from +taking another woman's name. So you knew me all the time, from the +first moment I came into the room?" + +"From the first moment you entered the room," assented Dr. Rob. + +"Why did you not say so?" asked Jane. + +"Well, I concluded you had your reasons for being 'Nurse Rosemary +Gray,' and it did not come within my province to question your +identity." + +"Oh, you dear!" said Jane. "Was there ever anything so shrewd, and +so wise, and so bewilderingly far-seeing, standing on two legs on a +hearth-rug before! And when I remember how you said: 'So you have +arrived, Nurse Gray?' and all the while you might have been saying. +'How do you do, Miss Champion? And what brings you up here under +somebody else's name?" + +"I might have so said," agreed Dr. Rob reflectively; "but praise be, +I did not." + +"But tell me" said Jane "why let it out now?" + +Dr. Rob laid his hand on her arm. "My dear, I am an old fellow, and +all my life I have made it my business to know, without being told. +You have been coming through a strain,--a prolonged period of +strain, sometimes harder, sometimes easier, but never quite +relaxed,--a strain such as few women could have borne. It was not +only with him; you had to keep it up towards us all. I knew, if it +were to continue, you must soon have the relief of some one with +whom to share the secret,--some one towards whom you could be +yourself occasionally. And when I found you had been writing to him +here, sending the letter to be posted in Cairo (how like a woman, to +strain at a gnat, after swallowing such a camel!), awaiting its +return day after day, then obliged to read it to him yourself, and +take down his dictated answer, which I gathered from your faces when +I entered was his refusal of your request to come and see him, well, +it seemed to me about time you were made to realise that you might +as well confide in an old fellow who, in common with all the men who +knew you in South Africa, would gladly give his right hand for the +Honourable Jane." + +Jane looked at him, her eyes full of gratitude. For the moment she +could not speak. + +"But tell me, my dear," said Dr. Rob, "tell me, if you can: why does +the lad put from him so firmly that which, if indeed it might be his +for the asking, would mean for him so great, so wonderful, so +comforting a good?" + +"Ah, doctor," said Jane, "thereby hangs a tale of sad mistrust and +mistake, and the mistrust and mistake, alas, were mine. Now, while +you see Margery, I will prepare for walking; and as we go through +the wood I will try to tell you the woeful thing which came between +him and me and placed our lives so far apart. Your wise advice will +help me, and your shrewd knowledge of men and of the human heart may +find us a way out, for indeed we are shut in between Migdol and the +sea." + +As Jane crossed the hall and was about to mount the stairs, she +looked towards the closed library door. A sudden fear seized her, +lest the strain of listening to that tale of Dr. Rob's had been too +much for Garth. None but she could know all it must have awakened of +memory to be told so vividly of the dying soldiers whose heads were +pillowed on her breast, and the strange coincidence of those words, +"A mere boy--and to suffer so!" She could not leave the house +without being sure he was safe and well. And yet she instinctively +feared to intrude when he imagined himself alone for an hour. + +Then Jane, in her anxiety, did a thing she had never done before. +She opened the front door noiselessly, passed round the house to the +terrace, and when approaching the open window of the library, trod +on the grass border, and reached it without making the faintest +sound. + +Never before had she come upon him unawares, knowing he hated and +dreaded the thought of an unseen intrusion on his privacy. + +But now--just this once-- + +Jane looked in at the window. + +Garth sat sideways in the chair, his arms folded on the table beside +him, his face buried in them. He was sobbing as she had sometimes +heard men sob after agonising operations, borne without a sound +until the worst was over. And Garth's sob of agony was this: "OH, MY +WIFE--MY WIFE--MY WIFE!" + +Jane crept away. How she did it she never knew. But some instinct +told her that to reveal herself then, taking him at a disadvantage, +when Dr. Rob's story had unnerved and unmanned him, would be to ruin +all. "IF YOU VALUE YOUR ULTIMATE HAPPINESS AND HIS," Deryck's voice +always sounded in warning. Besides, it was such a short +postponement. In the calm earnest thought which would succeed this +storm, his need of her, would win the day. The letter, not yet +posted, would be rewritten. He would say "COME"--and the next minute +he would be in her arms. + +So Jane turned noiselessly away. + +Coming in, an hour later, from her walk with Dr. Rob, her heart +filled with glad anticipation, she found him standing in the window, +listening to the countless sounds he was learning to distinguish. He +looked so slim and tall and straight in his white flannels, both +hands thrust deep into the pockets of his coat, that when he turned +at her approach it seemed to her as if the shining eyes MUST be +there. + +"Was it lovely in the woods?" he asked. "Simpson shall take me up +there after lunch. Meanwhile, is there time, if you are not tired, +Miss Gray, to finish our morning's work?" + +Five letters were dictated and a cheque written. Then Jane noticed +that hers to him had gone from among the rest. But his to her lay on +the table ready for stamping. She hesitated. + +"And about the letter to Miss Champion?" she said. "Do you wish it +to go as it is, Mr. Dalmain?" + +"Why certainly," he said. "Did we not finish it?" + +"I thought," said Jane nervously, looking away from his blank face, +"I thought perhaps--after Dr. Rob's story--you might--" + +"Dr. Rob's story could make no possible difference as to whether I +should let her come here or not," said Garth emphatically; then +added more gently: "It only reminded me--" + +"Of what?" asked Jane, her hands upon her breast. + +"Of what a glorious woman she is," said Garth Dalmain, and blew a +long, steady cloud of smoke into the summer air. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII + +THE ONLY WAY + + +When Deryck Brand alighted at the little northern wayside station, +he looked up and down the gravelled platform, more than half +expecting to see Jane. The hour was early, but she invariably said +"So much the better" to any plan which involved rising earlier than +usual. Nothing was to be seen, however, but his portmanteau in the +distance--looking as if it had taken up a solitary and permanent +position where the guard had placed it--and one slow porter, who +appeared to be overwhelmed by the fact that he alone was on duty to +receive the train. + +There were no other passengers descending; there was no other +baggage to put out. The guard swung up into his van as the train +moved off. + +The old porter, shading his eyes from the slanting rays of the +morning sun, watched the train glide round the curve and disappear +from sight; then slowly turned and looked the other way,--as if to +make sure there was not another coming,--saw the portmanteau, and +shambled towards it. He stood looking down upon it pensively, then +moved slowly round, apparently reading the names and particulars of +all the various continental hotels at which the portmanteau had +recently stayed with its owner. + +Dr. Brand never hurried people, He always said: "It answers best, in +the long run, to let them take their own time. The minute or two +gained by hurrying them is lost in the final results." But this +applied chiefly to patients in the consulting-room; to anxious young +students in hospital; or to nurses, too excitedly conscious at first +of the fact that he was talking to them, to take in fully what he +was saying. His habit of giving people, even in final moments, the +full time they wanted, had once lost him an overcoat, almost lost +him a train, and won him the thing in life he most desired. But that +belongs to another story. + +Meanwhile he wanted his breakfast on this fresh spring morning. And +he wanted to see Jane. Therefore, as porter and portmanteau made no +advance towards him, the doctor strode down the platform. + +"Now then, my man!" he called. + +"I beg your pardon?" said the Scotch porter. + +"I want my portmanteau." + +"Would this be your portmanteau?" inquired the porter doubtfully. + +"It would," said the doctor. "And it and I would be on our way to +Castle Gleneesh, if you would be bringing it out and putting it into +the motor, which I see waiting outside." + +"I will be fetching a truck," said the porter. But when he returned, +carefully trundling it behind him, the doctor, the portmanteau, and +the motor were all out of sight. + +The porter shaded his eyes and gazed up the road. + +"I will be hoping it WAS his portmanteau," he said, and went back to +his porridge. + +Meanwhile the doctor sped up into the hills, his mind alight with +eagerness to meet Jane and to learn the developments of the last few +days. Her non-appearance at the railway station filled him with an +undefinable anxiety. It would have been so like Jane to have been +there, prompt to seize the chance of a talk with him alone before he +reached the house. He had called up, in anticipation, such a vivid +picture of her, waiting on the platform,--bright, alert, vigorous, +with that fresh and healthy vigour which betokens a good night's +rest, a pleasant early awakening, and a cold tub recently enjoyed,-- +and the disappointment of not seeing her had wrought in him a +strange foreboding. What if her nerve had given way under the +strain? + +They turned a bend in the winding road, and the grey turrets of +Gleneesh came in sight, high up on the other side of the glen, the +moor stretching away behind and above it. As they wound up the +valley to the moorland road which would bring them round to the +house, the doctor could see, in the clear morning light, the broad +lawn and terrace of Gleneesh, with its gay flower-beds, smooth +gravelled walks, and broad stone parapet, from which was a drop +almost sheer down into the glen below. + +Simpson received him at the hall door; and he just stopped himself +in time, as he was about to ask for Miss Champion. This perilous +approach to a slip reminded him how carefully he must guard words +and actions in this house, where Jane had successfully steered her +intricate course. He would never forgive himself if he gave her +away. + +"Mr. Dalmain is in the library, Sir Deryck," said Simpson; and it +was a very alert, clear-headed doctor who followed the man across +the hall. + +Garth rose from his chair and walked forward to meet him, his right +hand outstretched, a smile of welcome on his face, and so direct and +unhesitating a course that the doctor had to glance at the sightless +face to make sure that this lithe, graceful, easy-moving figure was +indeed the blind man he had come to see. Then he noticed a length of +brown silk cord stretched from an arm of the chair Garth had quitted +to the door. Garth's left hand had slipped lightly along it as he +walked. + +The doctor put his hand into the one outstretched, and gripped it +warmly. + +"My dear fellow! What a change!" + +"Isn't it?" said Garth delightedly. "And it is entirely she who has +worked it,--the capital little woman you sent up to me. I want to +tell you how first-rate she is." He had reached his chair again, and +found and drew forward for the doctor the one in which Jane usually +sat, "this is her own idea." He unhitched the cord, and let it fall +to the floor, a fine string remaining attached to it and to the +chair, by which he could draw it up again at will. "There is one on +this side leading to the piano, and one here to the window. Now how +should you know them apart?" + +"They are brown, purple, and orange," replied the doctor. + +"Yes," said Garth. "You know them by the colours, but I distinguish +them by a slight difference in the thickness and in the texture, +which you could not see, but which I can feel. And I enjoy thinking +of the colours, too. And sometimes I wear ties and things to match +them. You see, I know exactly how they look; and it was so like her +to remember that. An ordinary nurse would have put red, green, and +blue, and I should have sat and hated the thought of them knowing +how vilely they must be clashing with my Persian carpet. But she +understands how much colours mean to me, even though I cannot see +them." + +"I conclude that by 'she' you mean Nurse Rosemary," said the doctor. +"I am glad she is a success." + +"A success!" exclaimed Garth. "Why, she helped me to live again! I +am ashamed to remember how at the bottom of all things I was when +you came up before, Brand,--just pounding the wall, as old Robbie +expresses it. You must have thought me a fool and a coward. " + +"I thought you neither, my dear fellow. You were coming through a +stiffer fight than any of us have been called to face. Thank God, +you have won." + +"I owe a lot to you, Brand, and still more to Miss Gray. I wish she +were here to see you. She is away for the week-end." + +"Away! J--just now?" exclaimed the doctor, almost surprised into +another slip. + +"Yes; she went last night. She is week-ending in the neighbourhood. +She said she was not going far, and should be back with me early on +Monday morning. But she seemed to want a change of scene, and +thought this a good opportunity, as I shall have you here most of +the time. I say, Brand, I do think it is extraordinarily good of you +to come all this way to see me. You know, from such a man as +yourself it is almost overwhelming." + +"You must not be overwhelmed, my dear chap; and, though I very truly +came to see you, I am also up, about another old friend in the near +neighbourhood in whom I am interested. I only mention this in order +to be quite honest, and to lift from off you any possible burden of +feeling yourself my only patient." + +"Oh, thanks!" said Garth. "It lessens my compunction without +diminishing my gratitude. And now you must be wanting a brush up and +breakfast, and here am I selfishly keeping you from both. And I say, +Brand,"--Garth coloured hotly, boyishly, and hesitated,--"I am +awfully sorry you will have no companion at your meals, Miss Gray +being away. I do not like to think of you having them alone, but I-- +I always have mine by myself. Simpson attends to them." + +He could not see the doctor's quick look of comprehension, but the +understanding sympathy of the tone in which he said: "Ah, yes. Yes, +of course," without further comment, helped Garth to add: "I +couldn't even have Miss Gray with me. We always take our meals +apart. You cannot imagine how awful it is chasing your food all +round your plate, and never sure it is not on the cloth, after all, +or on your tie, while you are hunting for it elsewhere." + +"No, I can't imagine," said the doctor. "No one could who had not +been through it. But can you bear it better with Simpson than with +Nurse Rosemary? She is trained to that sort of thing, you know." + +Garth coloured again. "Well, you see, Simpson is the chap who shaves +me, and gets me into my clothes, and takes me about; and, though it +will always be a trial, it is a trial to which I am growing +accustomed. You might put it thus: Simpson is eyes to my body; Miss +Gray is vision to my mind. Simpson's is the only touch which cores +to me in the darkness. Do you know, Miss Gray has never touched me,- +-not even to shake hands. I am awfully glad of this. I will tell you +why presently, if I may. It makes her just a MIND and VOICE to me, +and nothing more; but a wonderfully kind and helpful voice. I feel +as if I could not live without her." + +Garth rang the bell and Simpson appeared. + +"Take Sir Deryck to his room; and he will tell you what time he +would like breakfast. And when you have seen to it all, Simpson, I +will go out for a turn. Then I shall be free, Brand, when you are. +But do not give me any more time this morning if you ought to be +resting, or out on the moors having a holiday from minds and men." + +The doctor tubbed and got into his knickerbockers and an old Norfolk +jacket; then found his way to the dining-room, and did full justice +to an excellent breakfast. He was still pondering the problem of +Jane, and at the same time wondering in another compartment of his +mind in what sort of machine old Margery made her excellent coffee, +when that good lady appeared, enveloped in an air of mystery, and +the doctor immediately propounded the question. + +"A jug," said old Margery. "And would you be coming with me, Sir +Deryck,--and softly, whenever you have finished your breakfast?" + +"Softly," said Margery again, as they crossed the hall, the doctor's +tall figure closely following in her portly wake. After mounting a +few stairs she turned to whisper impressively: "It is not what ye +make it IN; it is HOW ye make it." She ascended a few more steps, +then turned to say: "It all hangs upon the word FRESH," and went on +mounting. "Freshly roasted--freshly ground--water--freshly-boiled--" +said old Margery, reaching the topmost stair somewhat breathless; +then turning, bustled along a rather dark passage, thickly carpeted, +and hung with old armour and pictures. + +"Where are we going, Mistress Margery?" asked the doctor, adapting +his stride to her trot--one to two. + +"You will be seeing whenever we get there, Sir Deryck," said +Margery. "And never touch it with metal, Sir Deryck. Pop it into an +earthenware jug, pour your boiling water straight upon it, stir it +with a wooden spoon, set it on the hob ten minutes to settle; the +grounds will all go to the bottom, though you might not think it; +and you pour it out--fragrant, strong, and clear. But the secret is, +fresh, fresh, fresh, and don't stint your coffee." + +Old Margery paused before a door at the end of the passage, knocked +lightly; then looked up at the doctor with her hand on the door- +handle, and an expression of pleading earnestness in her faithful +Scotch eyes. + +"And you will not forget the wooden spoon, Sir Deryck?" + +The doctor looked down into the kind old face raised to his in the +dim light. "I will not forget the wooden spoon, Mistress Margery," +he said, gravely. And old Margery, turning the handle whispered +mysteriously into the half-opened doorway: "It will be Sir Deryck, +Miss Gray," and ushered the doctor into a cosy little sitting-room. + +A bright fire burned in the grate. In a high-backed arm-chair in +front of it sat Jane, with her feet on the fender. He could only see +the top of her head, and her long grey knees; but both were +unmistakably Jane's: + +"Oh, Dicky!" she said, and a great thankfulness was in her voice, +"is it you? Oh, come in, Boy, and shut the door. Are we alone? Come +round here quick and shake hands, or I shall be plunging about +trying to find you." + +In a moment the doctor had reached the hearth-rug, dropped on one +knee in front of the large chair, and took the vaguely groping hands +held out to him. + +"Jeanette?" he said. "Jeanette!" And then surprise and emotion +silenced him. + +Jane's eyes were securely bandaged. A black silk scarf, folded in +four thicknesses, was firmly tied at the back of her smooth coils of +hair. There was a pathetic helplessness about her large capable +figure, sitting alone, in this bright little sitting-room, doing +nothing. + +"Jeanette!" said the doctor, for the third time. "And you call this +week-ending?" + +"Dear," said Jane, "I have gone into Sightless Land for my week-end. +Oh, Deryck, I had to do it. The only way really to help him is to +know exactly what it means, in all the small, trying details. I +never had much imagination, and I have exhausted what little I had. +And he never complains, or explains how things come hardest. So the +only way to find out is to have forty-eight hours of it one's self. +Old Margery and Simpson quite enter into it, and are helping me +splendidly. Simpson keeps the coast clear if we want to come down or +go out; because with two blind people about, it would be a +complication if they ran into one another. Margery helps me with all +the things in which I am helpless; and, oh Dicky, you would never +believe how many they are! And the awful, awful dark--a black +curtain always in front of you, sometimes seeming hard and firm, +like a wall of coal, within an inch of your face; sometimes sinking +away into soft depths of blackness--miles and miles of distant, +silent, horrible darkness; until you feel you must fall forward into +it and be submerged and overwhelmed. And out of that darkness come +voices. And if they speak loudly, they hit you like tapping hammers; +and if they murmur indistinctly, they madden you because you can't +SEE what is causing it. You can't see that they are holding pins in +their mouths, and that therefore they are mumbling; or that they are +half under the bed, trying to get out something which has rolled +there, and therefore the voice seems to come from somewhere beneath +the earth. And, because you cannot see these things to account for +it, the variableness of sound torments you. Ah!--and the waking in +the morning to the same blackness as you have had all night! I have +experienced it just once,--I began my darkness before dinner last +night,--and I assure you, Deryck, I dread to-morrow morning. Think +what it must be to wake to that always, with no prospect of ever +again seeing the sunlight! And then the meals--" + +"What! You keep it on?" The doctor's voice sounded rather strained. + +"Of course," said Jane. "And you cannot imagine the humiliation of +following your food all round the plate, and then finding it on the +table-cloth; of being quite sure there was a last bit somewhere, and +when you had given up the search and gone on to another course, +discovering it, eventually, in your lap. I do not wonder my poor boy +would not let me come to his meals. But after this I believe he +will, and I shall know exactly how to help him and how to arrange so +that very soon he will have no difficulty. Oh, Dicky, I had to do +it! There was no other way." + +"Yes," said the doctor quietly, "you had to do it." And Jane in her +blindness could not see the working of his face, as he added below +his breath: "You being YOU, dear, there was no other way." + +"Ah, how glad I am you realise the necessity, Deryck! I had so +feared you might think it useless or foolish. And it was now or +never; because I trust--if he forgives me--this will be the only +week-end I shall ever have to spend away from him. Boy, do you think +he will forgive me?" + +It was fortunate Jane was blind: The doctor swallowed a word, then: +"Hush, dear," he said. "You make me sigh for the duchess's parrot. +And I shall do no good here, if I lose patience with Dalmain. Now +tell me; you really never remove that bandage?" "Only to wash my +face," replied Jane, smiling. "I can trust myself not to peep for +two minutes. And last night I found it made my head so hot that I +could not sleep; so I slipped it off for an hour or two, but woke +and put it on again before dawn." "And you mean to wear it until to- +morrow morning?" + +Jane smiled rather wistfully. She knew what was involved in that +question. + +"Until to-morrow night, Boy," she answered gently. + +"But, Jeanette," exclaimed the doctor, in indignant protest; "surely +you will see me before I go! My dear girl, would it not be carrying +the experiment unnecessarily far?" + +"Ah, no," said Jane, leaning towards him with her pathetic bandaged +eyes. "Don't you see, dear, you give me the chance of passing +through what will in time be one of his hardest experiences, when +his dearest friends will come and go, and be to him only voice and +touch; their faces unseen and but dimly remembered? Deryck, just +because this hearing and not seeing you IS so hard, I realise how it +is enriching me in what I can share with him. He must not have to +say: 'Ah, but you saw him before he left.' I want to be able to say: +'He came and went,--my greatest friend,--and I did not see him at +all.'" + +The doctor walked over to the window and stood there, whistling +softly. Jane knew he was fighting down his own vexation. She waited +patiently. Presently the whistling stopped and she heard him laugh. +Then he came back and sat down near her. + +"You always were a THOROUGH old thing!" he said. + +"No half-measures would do. I suppose I must agree." + +Jane reached out for his hand. "Ah, Boy," she said, "now you will +help me. But I never before knew you so nearly selfish." + +"The 'other man' is always a problem," said the doctor. "We male +brutes, by nature, always want to be first with all our women; not +merely with the one, but with all those in whom we consider, +sometimes with egregious presumption, that we hold a right. You see +it everywhere,--fathers towards their daughters, brothers as regards +their sisters, friends in a friendship. The 'other man,' when he +arrives, is always a pill to swallow. It is only natural, I suppose; +but it is fallen nature and therefore to be surmounted. Now let me +go and forage for your hat and coat, and take you out upon the +moors. No? Why not? I often find things for Flower, so really I know +likely places in which to search. Oh, all right! I will send +Margery. But don't be long. And you need not be afraid of Dalmain +hearing us, for I saw him just now walking briskly up and down the +terrace, with only an occasional touch of his cane against the +parapet. How much you have already accomplished! We shall talk more +freely out on the moor; and, as I march you along, we can find out +tips which may be useful when the time comes for you to lead the +'other man' about. Only do be careful how you come downstairs with +old Margery. Think if you fell upon her, Jane! She does make such +excellent coffee!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV + +THE MAN'S POINT OF VIEW + + +A deep peace reigned in the library at Gleneesh. Garth and Deryck +sat together and smoked in complete fellowship, enjoying that sense +of calm content which follows an excellent dinner and a day spent in +moorland air. + +Jane, sitting upstairs in her self-imposed darkness, with nothing to +do but listen, fancied she could hear the low hum of quiet voices in +the room beneath, carrying on a more or less continuous +conversation. + +It was a pity she could not see them as they sat together, each +looking his very best,--Garth in the dinner jacket which suited his +slight upright figure so well; the doctor in immaculate evening +clothes of the latest cut and fashion, which he had taken the +trouble to bring, knowing Jane expected the men of her acquaintance +to be punctilious in the matter of evening dress, and little +dreaming she would have, literally, no eyes for him. + +And indeed the doctor himself was fastidious to a degree where +clothes were concerned, and always well groomed and unquestionably +correct in cut and fashion, excepting in the case of his favourite +old Norfolk jacket. This he kept for occasions when he intended to +be what he called "happy and glorious," though Lady Brand made +gentle but persistent attempts to dispose of it. + +The old Norfolk jacket had walked the moors that morning with Jane. +She had recognised the feel of it as he drew her hand within his +arm, and they had laughed over its many associations. But now +Simpson was folding it and putting it away, and a very correctly +clad doctor sat in an arm-chair in front of the library fire, his +long legs crossed the one over the other, his broad shoulders buried +in the depths of the chair. + +Garth sat where he could feel the warm flame of the fire, pleasant +in the chill evening which succeeded the bright spring day. His +chair was placed sideways, so that he could, with his hand, shield +his face from his visitor should he wish to do so. + +"Yes," Dr. Brand was saying thoughtfully, "I can easily see that all +things which reach you in that darkness assume a different +proportion and possess a greatly enhanced value. But I think you +will find, as time goes on, and you come in contact with more +people, there will be a great readjustment, and you will become less +consciously sensitive to sound and touch from others. At present +your whole nervous system is highly strung, and responds with an +exaggerated vibration to every impression made upon it. A highly +strung nervous system usually exaggerates. And the medium of sight +having been taken away, the other means of communication with the +outer world, hearing and touch, draw to themselves an overplus of +nervous force, and have become painfully sensitive. Eventually +things will right themselves, and they will only be usefully keen +and acute. What was it you were going to tell me about Nurse +Rosemary not shaking hands?" + +"Ah, yes," said Garth. "But first I want to ask, Is it a rule of her +order, or guild, or institution, or whatever it is to which she +belongs, that the nurses should never shake hands with their +patients?" + +"Not that I have ever heard," replied the doctor. + +"Well, then, it must have been Miss Gray's own perfect intuition as +to what I want, and what I don't want. For from the very first she +has never shaken hands, nor in any way touched me. Even in passing +across letters, and handing me things, as she does scores of times +daily, never once have I felt her fingers against mine." + +"And this pleases you?" inquired the doctor, blowing smoke rings +into the air, and watching the blind face intently. + +"Ah, I am so grateful for it," said Garth earnestly. "Do you know, +Brand, when you suggested sending me a lady nurse and secretary, I +felt I could not possibly stand having a woman touch me." + +"So you said," commented the doctor quietly. + +"No! Did I? What a bear you must have thought me." + +"By no means," said the doctor, "but a distinctly unusual patient. +As a rule, men--" + +"Ah, I dare say," Garth interposed half impatiently. "There was a +time when I should have liked a soft little hand about me. And I +dare say by now I should often enough have caught it and held it, +perhaps kissed it--who knows? I used to do such things, lightly +enough. But, Brand, when a man has known the touch of THE Woman, and +when that touch has become nothing but a memory; when one is dashed +into darkness, and that memory becomes one of the few things which +remain, and, remaining, brings untold comfort, can you wonder if one +fears another touch which might in any way dim that memory, +supersede it, or take away from its utter sacredness?" + +"I understand," said the doctor slowly. "It does not come within my +own experience, but I understand. Only--my dear boy, may I say it?-- +if the One Woman exists--and it is excusable in your case to doubt +it, because there were so many--surely her place should be here; her +actual touch, one of the things which remain." + +"Ah, say it," answered Garth, lighting another cigarette. "I like to +hear it said, although as a matter of fact you might as well say +that if the view from the terrace exists, I ought to be able to see +it. The view is there, right enough, but my own deficiency keeps me +from seeing it." + +"In other words," said the doctor, leaning forward and picking up +the match which, not being thrown so straight as usual, had just +missed the fire; "in other words, though She was the One Woman, you +were not the One Man?" + +"Yes," said Garth bitterly, but almost beneath his breath. "I was 'a +mere boy.'" + +"Or you thought you were not," continued the doctor, seeming not to +have heard the last remark. "As a matter of fact, you are always the +One Man to the One Woman, unless another is before you in the field. +Only it may take time and patience to prove it to her." + +Garth sat up and turned a face of blank surprise towards the doctor. +"What an extraordinary statement!" he said. "Do you really mean it?" + +"Absolutely," replied the doctor in a tone of quiet conviction. "If +you eliminate all other considerations, such as money, lands, +titles, wishes of friends, attraction of exteriors--that is to say, +admiration of mere physical beauty in one another, which is after +all just a question of comparative anatomy; if, freed of all this +social and habitual environment, you could place the man and the +woman in a mental Garden of Eden, and let them face one another, +stripped of all shams and conventionalities, soul viewing soul, +naked and unashamed; if under those circumstances she is so truly +his mate, that all the noblest of the man cries out: 'This is the +One Woman!' then I say, so truly is he her mate, that he cannot fail +to be the One Man; only he must have the confidence required to +prove it to her. On him it bursts, as a revelation; on her it dawns +slowly, as the breaking of the day." + +"Oh, my God," murmured Garth brokenly, "it was just that! The Garden +of Eden, soul to soul, with no reservations, nothing to fear, +nothing to hide. I realised her my WIFE, and called her so. And the +next morning she called ME 'a mere boy,' whom she could not for a +moment think of marrying. So what becomes of your fool theory, +Brand?" + +"Confirmed," replied the doctor quietly. "Eve, afraid of the +immensity of her bliss, doubtful of herself, fearful of coming short +of the marvel of his ideal of her, fleeing from Adam, to hide among +the trees of the garden. Don't talk about fool theories, my boy. The +fool-fact was Adam, if he did not start in prompt pursuit." + +Garth sat forward, his hands clutching the arms of his chair. That +quiet, level voice was awakening doubts. as to his view of the +situation, the first he had had since the moment of turning and +walking down the Shenstone village church three years ago. His face +was livid, and as the firelight played upon it the doctor saw beads +of perspiration gleam on his forehead. + +"Oh, Brand," he said, "I am blind. Be merciful. Things mean so +terribly much in the dark." + +The doctor considered. Could his nurses and students have seen the +look on his face at that moment, they would have said that he was +performing a most critical and delicate operation, in which a slip +of the scalpel might mean death to the patient. They would have been +right; for the whole future of two people hung in the balance; +depending, in this crisis, upon the doctor's firmness and yet +delicacy of touch. This strained white face in the firelight, with +its beads of mental agony and its appealing "I am blind," had not +entered into the doctor's calculations. It was a view of "the other +man" upon which he could not look unmoved. But the thought of that +patient figure with bandaged eyes sitting upstairs in suspense, +stretching dear helpless hands to him, steadied the doctor's nerve. +He looked into the fire. + +"You may be blind, Dalmain, but I do not want you to be a fool," +said the doctor quietly. + +"Am I--was I--a fool?" asked Garth. + +"How can I judge?" replied the doctor. "Give me a clear account of +the circumstances from your point of view, and I will give you my +opinion of the case." + +His tone was so completely dispassionate and matter-of-fact, that it +had a calming effect on Garth, giving him also a sense of security. +The doctor might have been speaking of a sore throat, or a tendency +to sciatica. + +Garth leaned back in his chair, slipped his hand into the breast- +pocket of his jacket, and touched a letter lying there. Dare he risk +it? Could he, for once take for himself the comfort of speaking of +his trouble to a man he could completely trust, and yet avoid the +danger of betraying her identity to one who knew her so intimately? + +Garth weighed this, after the manner of a chess-player looking +several moves ahead. Could the conversation become more explicit, +sufficiently so to be of use, and yet no clue be given which would +reveal Jane as the One Woman? + +Had the doctor uttered a word of pressure or suggestion, Garth would +have decided for silence. But the doctor did not speak. He leaned +forward and reached the poker, mending the fire with extreme care +and method. He placed a fragrant pine log upon the springing flame, +and as he did so he whistled softly the closing bars of Veni, +Creator Spiritus. + +Garth, occupied with his own mental struggle, was, for once, +oblivious to sounds from without, and did not realise why, at this +critical moment, these words should have come with gentle insistence +into his mind: + + "Keep far our foes; give peace at home; + Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come." + +He took them as an omen. They turned the scale. + +"Brand," he said, "if, as you are so kind as to suggest, I give +myself the extreme relief of confiding in you, will you promise me +never to attempt to guess at the identity of the One Woman?" + +The doctor smiled; and the smile in his voice as he answered, added +to Garth's sense of security. + +"My dear fellow," he said, "I never guess at other people's secrets. +It is a form of mental recreation which does not appeal to me, and +which I should find neither entertaining nor remunerative. If I know +them already, I do not require to guess them. If I do not know them, +and their possessors wish me to remain in ignorance, I would as soon +think of stealing their purse as of filching their secret." + +"Ah, thanks," said Garth. "Personally, I do not mind what you know. +But I owe it to her, that her name should not appear." + +"Undoubtedly," said the doctor. "Except in so far as she herself, +chooses to reveal it, the One Woman's identity should always remain +a secret. Get on with your tale, old chap. I will not interrupt." + +"I will state it as simply and as shortly as I can," began Garth. +"And you will understand that there are details of which no fellow +could speak.--I had known her several years in a friendly way, just +staying at the same houses, and meeting at Lord's and Henley and all +the places where those in the same set do meet. I always liked her, +and always felt at my best with her, and thought no end of her +opinion, and so forth. She was a friend and a real chum to me, and +to lots of other fellows. But one never thought of love-making in +connection with her. All the silly things one says to ordinary women +she would have laughed at. If one had sent her flowers to wear, she +would have put them in a vase and wondered for whom they had really +been intended. She danced well, and rode straight; but the man she +danced with had to be awfully good at it, or he found himself being +guided through the giddy maze; and the man who wanted to be in the +same field with her, must be prepared for any fence or any wall. Not +that I ever saw her in the hunting-field; her love of life and of +fair play would have kept her out of that. But I use it as a +descriptive illustration. One was always glad to meet her in a house +party, though one could not have explained why. It is quite +impossible to describe her. She was just--well, just--" + +The doctor saw "just Jane" trembling on Garth's lips, and knew how +inadequate was every adjective to express this name. He did not want +the flood of Garth's confidences checked, so he supplied the needed +words. + +"Just a good sort. Yes, I quite understand. Well?" + +"I had had my infatuations, plenty of them," went on the eager young +voice. "The one thing I thought of in women was their exteriors. +Beauty of all kinds--of any kind--crazed me for the moment. I never +wanted to marry them, but I always wanted to paint them. Their +mothers, and aunts, and other old dowagers in the house parties used +to think I meant marriage, but the girls themselves knew better. I +don't believe a girl now walks this earth who would accuse me of +flirting. I admired their beauty, and they knew it, and they knew +that was all my admiration meant. It was a pleasant experience at +the time, and, in several instances, helped forward good marriages +later on. Pauline Lister was apportioned to me for two whole +seasons, but she eventually married the man on whose jolly old +staircase I painted her. Why didn't I come a cropper over any of +them? Because there were too many, I suppose. Also, the attraction +was skin-deep. I don't mind telling you quite frankly: the only one +whose beauty used to cause me a real pang was Lady Brand. But when I +had painted it and shown it to the world in its perfection, I was +content. I asked no more of any woman than to paint her, and find +her paintable. I could not explain this to the husbands and mothers +and chaperons, but the women themselves understood it well enough; +and as I sit here in my darkness not a memory rises up to reproach +me." + +"Good boy," said Deryck Brand, laughing. "You were vastly +misunderstood, but I believe you." + +"You see," resumed Garth, "that sort of thing being merely skin- +deep, I went no deeper. The only women I really knew were my mother, +who died when I was nineteen, and Margery Graem, whom I always +hugged at meeting and parting, and always shall hug until I kiss the +old face in its coffin, or she straightens me in mine. Those ties of +one's infancy and boyhood are among the closest and most sacred life +can show. Well, so things were until a certain evening in June +several years ago. She--the One Woman--and I were in the same house +party at a lovely old place in the country. One afternoon we had +been talking intimately, but quite casually and frankly. I had no +more thought of wanting to marry her than of proposing to old +Margery. Then--something happened,--I must not tell you what; it +would give too clear a clue to her identity. But it revealed to me, +in a few marvellous moments, the woman in her; the wife, the mother; +the strength, the tenderness; the exquisite perfection of her true, +pure soul. In five minutes there awakened in me a hunger for her +which nothing could still, which nothing ever will still, until I +stand beside her in the Golden City, where they shall hunger no +more, neither thirst any more; and there shall be no more darkness, +or depending upon sun, moon, or candle, for the glory of God shall +lighten it; and there shall be no more sorrow, neither shall there +be any more pain, for former things shall have passed away." + +The blind face shone in the firelight. Garth's retrospection was +bringing him visions of things to come. + +The doctor sat quite still and watched the vision fade. Then he +said: "Well?" + +"Well," continued the young voice in the shadow, with a sound in it +of having dropped back to earth and finding it a mournful place; "I +never had a moment's doubt as to what had happened to me. I knew I +loved her; I knew I wanted her; I knew her presence made my day and +her absence meant chill night; and every day was radiant, for she +was there." + +Garth paused for breath and to enjoy a moment of silent +retrospection. + +The doctor's voice broke in with a question, clear, incisive. "Was +she a pretty woman; handsome, beautiful?" + +"A pretty woman?" repeated Garth, amazed: "Good heavens, no! +Handsome? Beautiful? Well you have me there, for, 'pon my honour, I +don't know." + +"I mean, would you have wished to paint her?" "I HAVE painted her," +said Garth very low, a moving tenderness in his voice; "and my two +paintings of her, though done in sadness and done from memory, are +the most beautiful work I ever produced. No eye but my own has ever +seen them, and now none ever will see them, excepting those of one +whom I must perforce trust to find them for me, and bring them to me +for destruction." + +"And that will be--?" queried the doctor. + +"Nurse Rosemary Gray," said Garth. + +The doctor kicked the pine log, and the flames darted up merrily. +"You have chosen well," he said, and had to make a conscious effort +to keep the mirth in his face from passing into his voice. "Nurse +Rosemary will be discreet. Very good. Then we may take it the One +Woman was beautiful?" + +But Garth looked perplexed. "I do not know," he answered slowly. "I +cannot see her through the eyes of others. My vision of her, in that +illuminating moment, followed the inspired order of things,--spirit, +soul, and body. Her spirit was so pure and perfect, her soul so +beautiful, noble, and womanly, that the body which clothed soul and +spirit partook of their perfection and became unutterably dear." + +"I see," said the doctor, very gently. "Yes, you dear fellow, I +see." (Oh, Jane, Jane! You were blind, without a bandage, in those +days!) + +"Several glorious days went by," continued Garth. "I realise now +that I was living in the glow of my own certainty that she was the +One Woman. It was so clear and sweet and wonderful to me, that I +never dreamed of it not being equally clear to her. We did a lot of +music together for pure enjoyment; we talked of other people for the +fun of it; we enjoyed and appreciated each other's views and +opinions; but we did not talk of ourselves, because we KNEW, at +least _I_ knew, and, before God, I thought she did. Every time I saw +her she seemed more grand and perfect. I held the golden key to +trifling matters not understood before. We young fellows, who all +admired her, used nevertheless to joke a bit about her wearing +collars and stocks, top boots and short skirts; whacking her leg +with a riding-whip, and stirring the fire with her toe. But after +that evening, I understood all this to be a sort of fence behind +which she hid her exquisite womanliness, because it was of a deeper +quality than any man looking upon the mere surface of her had ever +fathomed or understood. And when she came trailing down in the +evening, in something rich and clinging and black, with lots of soft +old lace covering her bosom and moving with the beating of her great +tender heart; ah, then my soul rejoiced and my eyes took their fill +of delight! I saw her, as all day long I had known her to be,-- +perfect in her proud, sweet womanliness." + +"Is he really unconscious," thought the doctor, "of how unmistakable +a word-picture of Jane he is painting?" + +"Very soon," continued Garth, "we had three days apart, and then met +again at another house, in a weekend party. One of the season's +beauties was there, with whom my name was being freely coupled, and +something she said on that subject, combined with the fearful +blankness of those three interminable days, made me resolve to speak +without delay. I asked her to come out on to the terrace that +evening. We were alone. It was a moonlight night." + +A long silence. The doctor did not break it. He knew his friend was +going over in his mind all those things of which a man does not +speak to another man. + +At last Garth said simply, "I told her." + +No comment from the doctor, who was vividly reminded of Jane's +"Then--it happened," when SHE had reached this point in the story. +After a few moments of further silence, steeped in the silver +moonlight of reminiscence for Garth; occupied by the doctor in a +rapid piecing in of Jane's version; the sad young voice continued: + +"I thought she understood completely. Afterwards I knew she had not +understood at all. Her actions led me to believe I was accepted, +taken into her great love, even as she was wrapped around by mine. +Not through fault of hers,--ah, no; she was blameless throughout; +but because she did not, could not, understand. what any touch of +hers must mean to me. In her dear life, there had never been another +man; that much I knew by unerring instinct and by her own admission. +I have sometimes thought that she may have had an ideal in her +girlish days, against whom, in after years, she measured others, +and, finding them come short, held them at arm's length. But, if I +am right in this surmise, he must have been a blind fool, +unconscious of the priceless love which might have been his, had he +tried to win it. For I am certain that, until that night, no man's +love had ever flamed about her; she had never felt herself enveloped +in a cry which was all one passionate, in-articulate, inexplicable, +boundless need of herself. While I thought she understood and +responded,--Heaven knows I DID think it,--she did not in the least +understand, and was only trying to be sympathetic and kind." + +The doctor stirred in his chair, slowly crossed one leg over the +other, and looked searchingly into the blind face. He was finding +these confidences of the "other man" more trying than he had +expected. + +"Are you sure of that?" he asked rather huskily. + +"Quite sure," said Garth. "Listen. I called her--what she was to me +just then, what I wanted her to be always, what she is forever, so +far as my part goes, and will be till death and beyond. That one +word,--no, there were two,--those two words made her understand. I +see that now. She rose at once and put me from her. She said I must +give her twelve hours for quiet thought, and she would come to me in +the village church next morning with her answer. Brand, you may +think me a fool; you cannot think me a more egregious ass than I now +think myself; but I was absolutely certain she was mine; so sure +that, when she came, and we were alone together in the house of God, +instead of going to her with the anxious haste of suppliant and +lover, I called her to me at the chancel step as if I were indeed +her husband and had the right to bid her come. She came, and, just +as a sweet formality before taking her to me, I asked for her +answer. It was this: 'I cannot marry a mere boy.'" + +Garth's voice choked in his throat on the last word. His head was +bowed in his hands. He had reached the point where most things +stopped for him; where all things had ceased forever to be as they +were before. + +The room seemed strangely silent. The eager voice had poured out +into it such a flow of love and hope and longing; such a revealing +of a soul in which the true love of beauty had created perpetual +youth; of a heart held free by high ideals from all playing with +lesser loves, but rising to volcanic force and height when the true +love was found at last. + +The doctor shivered at that anticlimax, as if the chill of an empty +church were in his bones. He knew how far worse it had been than +Garth had told. He knew of the cruel, humiliating question: "How old +are you?" Jane had confessed to it. He knew how the outward glow of +adoring love had faded as the mind was suddenly turned inward to +self-contemplation. He had known it all as abstract fact. Now he saw +it actually before him. He saw Jane's stricken lover, bowed beside +him in his blindness, living again through those sights and sounds +which no merciful curtain of oblivion could ever hide or veil. + +The doctor had his faults, but they were not Peter's. He never, +under any circumstances, spoke BECAUSE he wist not what to say. + +He leaned forward and laid a hand very tenderly on Garth's shoulder. +"Poor chap," he said. "Ah, poor old chap." + +And for a long while they sat thus in silence. + + + + +CHAPTER XXV + +THE DOCTOR'S DIAGNOSIS + + +"So you expressed no opinion? explained nothing? let him go on +believing that? Oh, Dicky! And you might have said so much!" + +In the quiet of the Scotch Sabbath morning, Jane and the doctor had +climbed the winding path from the end of the terrace, which +zigzagged up to a clearing amongst the pines. Two fallen trees at a +short distance from each other provided convenient seats in full +sunshine, facing a glorious view,--down into the glen, across the +valley, and away to the purple hills beyond. The doctor had guided +Jane to the sunnier of the two trunks, and seated himself beside +her. Then he had quietly recounted practically the whole of the +conversation of the previous evening. + +"I expressed no opinion. I explained nothing. I let him continue to +believe what he believes; because it is the only way to keep you on +the pinnacle where he has placed you. Let any other reason for your +conduct than an almost infantine ignorance of men and things be +suggested and accepted, and down you will come, my poor Jane, and +great will be the fall. Mine shall not be the hand thus to hurl you +headlong. As you say, I might have said so much, but I might also +have lived to regret it." + +"I should fall into his arms," said Jane recklessly, "and I would +sooner be there than on a pinnacle." + +"Excuse me, my good girl," replied the doctor. "It is more likely +you would fall into the first express going south. In fact, I am not +certain you would wait for an express. I can almost see the +Honourable Jane quitting yonder little railway station, seated in an +empty coal-truck. No! Don't start up and attempt to stride about +among the pine needles," continued the doctor, pulling Jane down +beside him again. "You will only trip over a fir cone and go +headlong into the valley. It is no use forestalling the inevitable +fall." + +"Oh, Dicky," sighed Jane, putting her hand through his arm; and +leaning her bandaged eyes against the rough tweed of his shoulder; +"I don't know what has come to you to-day. You are not kind to me. +You have harrowed my poor soul by repeating all Garth said last +night; and, thanks to that terribly good memory of yours, you have +reproduced the tones of his voice in every inflection. And then, +instead of comforting me, you leave me entirely in the wrong, and +completely in the lurch." + +"In the wrong--yes," said Deryck; "in the lurch--no. I did not say I +would do nothing to-day. I only said I could do nothing last night. +You cannot take up a wounded thing and turn it about and analyse it. +When we bade each other good-night, I told him I would think the +matter over and give him my opinion to-day. I will tell you what has +happened to me if you like. I have looked into the inmost recesses +of a very rare and beautiful nature, and I have seen what havoc a +woman can work in the life of the man who loves her. I can assure +you, last night was no pastime. I woke this morning feeling as if I +had, metaphorically, been beaten black and blue." + +"Then what do you suppose _I_ feel?" inquired Jane pathetically. + +"You still feel yourself in the right--partly," replied Deryck. "And +so long as you think you have a particle of justification and cling +to it, your case is hopeless. It will have to be: 'I confess. Can +you forgive?'" + +"But I acted for the best," said Jane. "I thought of him before I +thought of myself. It would have been far easier to have accepted +the happiness of the moment, and chanced the future." + +"That is not honest, Jeanette. You thought of yourself first. You +dared not face the possibility of the pain to you if his love cooled +or his admiration waned. When one comes to think of it, I believe +every form of human love--a mother's only excepted--is primarily +selfish. The best chance for Dalmain is that his helpless blindness +may awaken the mother love in you. Then self will go to the wall." + +"Ah me!" sighed Jane. "I am lost and weary and perplexed in this +bewildering darkness. Nothing seems clear; nothing seems right. If I +could see your kind eyes, Boy, your hard voice would hurt less." + +"Well, take off the bandage and look," said the doctor. + +"I will not!" cried Jane furiously. "Have I gone through all this to +fail at the last?" + +"My dear girl, this self-imposed darkness is getting on your nerves. +Take care it does not do more harm than good. Strong remedies--" + +"Hush!" whispered Jane. "I hear footsteps." + +"You can always hear footsteps in a wood if you hearken for them," +said the doctor; but he spoke low, and then sat quiet, listening. + +"I hear Garth's step," whispered Jane. "Oh, Dicky, go to the edge +and look over. You can see the windings of the path below." + +The doctor stepped forward quietly and looked down upon the way they +had ascended. Then he came back to Jane. + +"Yes," he said. "Fortune favours us. Dalmain is coming up the path +with Simpson. He will be here in two minutes." + +"Fortune favours us? My dear Dicky! Of all mis-chances!" Jane's hand +flew to her bandage, but the doctor stayed her just in time. + +"Not at all," he said. "And do not fail at the last in your +experiment. I ought to be able to keep you two blind people apart. +Trust me, and keep dark--I mean, sit still. And can you not +understand why I said fortune favours us? Dalmain is coming for my +opinion on the case. You shall hear it together. It will be a saving +of time for me, and most enlightening for you to mark how he takes +it. Now keep quiet. I promise he shall not sit on your lap. But if +you make a sound, I shall have to say you are a bunny or a squirrel, +and throw fir cones at you." + +The doctor rose and sauntered round the bend of the path. + +Jane sat on in darkness. + +"Hullo, Dalmain," she heard Deryck say. "Found your way up here? An +ideal spot. Shall we dispense with Simpson? Take my arm." + +"Yes," replied Garth. "I was told you were up here, Brand, and +followed you." + +They came round the bend together, and out into the clearing. + +"Are you alone?" asked Garth standing still. "I thought I heard +voices." + +"You did," replied the doctor. "I was talking to a young woman." + +"What sort of young woman?" asked Garth. + +"A buxom young person," replied the doctor, "with a decidedly touchy +temper." + +"Do you know her name?" + +"Jane," said the doctor recklessly. + +"Not 'Jane,'" said Garth quickly,--"Jean. I know her,--my gardener's +eldest daughter. Rather weighed down by family cares, poor girl." + +"I saw she was weighed down," said the doctor. "I did not know it +was by family cares. Let us sit on this trunk. Can you call up the +view to mind?" + +"Yes," replied Garth; "I know it so well. But it terrifies me to +find how my mental pictures are fading; all but one." + +"And that is--?" asked the doctor. + +"The face of the One Woman," said Garth in his blindness. + +"Ah, my dear fellow," said the doctor, "I have not forgotten my +promise to give you this morning my opinion on your story. I have +been thinking it over carefully, and have arrived at several +conclusions. Shall we sit on this fallen tree? Won't you smoke? One +can talk better under the influence of the fragrant weed." + +Garth took out his cigarette case, chose a cigarette, lighted it +with care, and flung the flaming match straight on to Jane's clasped +hands. + +Before the doctor could spring up, Jane had smilingly flicked it +off. + +"What nerve!" thought Deryck, with admiration. "Ninety-nine women +out of a hundred would have said 'Ah!' and given away the show. +Really, she deserves to win." + +Suddenly Garth stood up. "I think we shall do better on the other +log," he said unexpectedly. "It is always in fuller sunshine." And +he moved towards Jane. + +With a bound the doctor sprang in front of him, seized Jane with one +strong hand and drew her behind him; then guided Garth to the very +spot where she had been sitting. + +"How accurately you judge distance," he remarked, backing with Jane +towards the further trunk. Then he seated himself beside Garth in +the sunshine. "Now for our talk," said the doctor, and he said it +rather breathlessly. + +"Are you sure we are alone?" asked Garth. "I seem conscious of +another presence." + +"My dear fellow," said the doctor, "is one ever alone in a wood? +Countless little presences surround us. Bright eyes peep down from +the branches; furry tails flick in and out of holes; things unseen +move in the dead leaves at our feet. If you seek solitude, shun the +woods." + +"Yes," replied Garth, "I know, and I love listening to them. I meant +a human presence. Brand, I am often so tried by the sense of an +unseen human presence near me. Do you know, I could have the other +day that she--the One Woman--came silently, looked upon me in my +blindness, pitied me, as her great tender heart would do, and +silently departed." + +"When was that?" asked the doctor. + +"A few days ago. Dr. Rob had been telling us how he came across her +in--Ah! I must not say where. Then he and Miss Gray left me alone, +and in the lonely darkness and silence I felt her eyes upon me." + +"Dear boy," said the doctor, "you must not encourage this dread of +unseen presences. Remember, those who care for us very truly and +deeply can often make us conscious of their mental nearness, even +when far away, especially if they know we are in trouble and needing +them. You must not be surprised if you are often conscious of the +nearness of the One Woman, for I believe--and I do not say it +lightly, Dalmain--I believe her whole heart and love and life are +yours." + +"Good Lord!" exclaimed Garth, and springing up, strode forward +aimlessly. + +The doctor caught him by the arm. In another moment he would have +fallen over Jane's feet. + +"Sit down, man," said the doctor, "and listen to me. You gain +nothing by dashing about in the dark in that way. I am going to +prove my words. But you must give me your calm attention. Now +listen. We are confronted in this case by a psychological problem, +and one which very likely has not occurred to you. I want you for a +moment to picture the One Man and the One Woman facing each other in +the Garden of Eden, or in the moonlight--wherever it was--if you +like better. Now will you realise this? The effect upon a man of +falling in love is to create in him a complete unconsciousness of +self. On the other hand, the effect upon a woman of being loved and +sought, and of responding to that love and seeking, is an accession +of intense self-consciousness. He, longing to win and take, thinks +of her only. She, called upon to yield and give, has her mind turned +at once upon herself. Can she meet his need? Is she all he thinks +her? Will she be able to content him completely, not only now but in +the long vista of years to come? The more natural and unconscious of +self she had been before, the harder she would be hit by this +sudden, overwhelming attack of self-consciousness." + +The doctor glanced at Jane on the log six yards away. She had lifted +her clasped hands and was nodding towards him, her face radiant with +relief and thankfulness. + +He felt he was on the right tack. But the blind face beside him +clouded heavily, and the cloud deepened as he proceeded. + +"You see, my dear chap, I gathered from yourself she was not of the +type of feminine loveliness you were known to admire. Might she not +have feared that her appearance would, after a while, have failed to +content you?" + +"No," replied Garth with absolutely finality of tone. "Such a +suggestion is unworthy. Besides, had the idea by any possibility +entered her mind, she would only have had to question me on the +point. My decision would have been final; my answer would have fully +reassured her." + +"Love is blind," quoted the doctor quietly. + +"They lie who say so," cried Garth violently. "Love is so far-seeing +that it sees beneath the surface and delights in beauties unseen by +other eyes." + +"Then you do not accept my theory?" asked the doctor. + +"Not as an explanation of my own trouble," answered Garth; "because +I know the greatness of her nature would have lifted her far above +such a consideration. But I do indeed agree as to the complete +oblivion to self of the man in love. How else could we ever venture +to suggest to a woman that she should marry us? Ah, Brand, when one +thinks of it, the intrusion into her privacy; the asking the right +to touch, even her hand, at will; it could not be done unless the +love of her and the thought of her had swept away all thoughts of +self. Looking back upon that time I remember how completely it was +so with me. And when she said to me in the church: 'How old are +you?'--ah, I did not tell you that last night--the revulsion of +feeling brought about by being turned at that moment in upon myself +was so great, that my joy seemed to shrivel and die in horror at my +own unworthiness." + +Silence in the wood. The doctor felt he was playing a losing game. +He dared not look at the silent figure opposite. At last he spoke. + +"Dalmain, there are two possible solutions to your problem. Do you +think it was a case of Eve holding back in virginal shyness, +expecting Adam to pursue?" + +"Ah, no," said Garth emphatically. "We had gone far beyond all that. +Nor could you suggest it, did you know her. She is too honest, too +absolutely straight and true, to have deceived me. Besides, had it +been so, in all these lonely years, when she found I made no sign, +she would have sent me word of what she really meant." + +"Should you have gone to her then?" asked the doctor. + +"Yes," said Garth slowly. "I should have gone and I should have +forgiven--because she is my own. But it could never have been the +same. It would have been unworthy of us both." + +"Well," continued the doctor, "the other solution remains. You have +admitted that the One Woman came somewhat short of the conventional +standard of beauty. Your love of loveliness was so well known. Do +you not think, during the long hours of that night,--remember how +new it was to her to be so worshipped and wanted,--do you not think +her courage failed her? She feared she might come short of what +eventually you would need in the face and figure always opposite you +at your table; and, despite her own great love and yours, she +thought it wisest to avoid future disillusion by rejecting present +joy. Her very love for you would have armed her to this decision." + +The silent figure opposite nodded, and waited with clasped hands. +Deryck was pleading her cause better than she could have pleaded it +herself. + +Silence in the woods. All nature seemed to hush and listen for the +answer. + +Then:--"No," said Garth's young voice unhesitatingly. "In that case +she would have told me her fear, and I should have reassured her +immediately. Your suggestion is unworthy of my beloved." + +The wind sighed in the trees. A cloud passed before the sun. The two +who sat in darkness, shivered and were silent. + +Then the doctor spoke. "My dear boy," he said, and a deep tenderness +was in his voice: "I must maintain my unalterable belief that to the +One Woman you are still the One Man. In your blindness her rightful +place is by your side. Perhaps even now she is yearning to be here. +Will you tell me her name, and give me leave to seek her out, hear +from herself her version of the story; and, if it be as I think, +bring her to you, to prove, in your affliction, her love and +tenderness?" + +"Never!" said Garth. "Never, while life shall last! Can you not see +that if when I had sight, and fame, and all heart could desire, I +could not win her love, what she might feel for me now, in my +helpless blindness, could be but pity? And pity from her I could +never accept. If I was 'a mere boy' three years ago, I am 'a mere +blind man' now, an object for kind commiseration. If indeed you are +right, and she mistrusted my love and my fidelity, it is now out of +my power forever to prove her wrong and to prove myself faithful. +But I will not allow the vision of my beloved to be dimmed by these +suggestions. For her completion, she needed so much more than I +could give. She refused me because I was not fully worthy. I prefer +it should be so. Let us leave it at that." + +"It leaves you to loneliness," said the doctor sadly. + +"I prefer loneliness," replied Garth's young voice, "to disillusion. +Hark! I hear the first gong, Brand. Margery will be grieved if we +keep her Sunday dishes waiting." + +He stood up and turned his sightless face towards the view. + +"Ah, how well I know it," he said. "When Miss Gray and I sit up +here, she tells me all she sees, and I tell her what she does not +see, but what I know is there. She is keen on art, and on most of +the things I care about. I must ask for an arm, Brand, though the +path is wide and good. I cannot risk a tumble. I have come one or +two awful croppers, and I promised Miss Gray--The path is wide. Yes, +we can walk two abreast, three abreast if necessary. It is well we +had this good path made. It used to be a steep scramble." + +"Three abreast," said the doctor. "So we could--if necessary." He +stepped back and raised Jane from her seat, drawing her cold hand +through his left arm. "Now, my dear fellow, my right arm will suit +you best; then you can keep your stick in your right hand." + +And thus they started down through the wood, on that lovely Sabbath +morn of early summer; and the doctor walked erect between those two +severed hearts, uniting, and yet dividing them. + +Just once Garth paused and listened. "I seem to hear another +footstep," he said, "besides yours and mine." + +"The wood is full of footsteps," said the doctor, "just as the heart +is full of echoes. If you stand still and listen you can hear what +you will in either." + +"Then let us not stand still," said Garth, "for in old days, if I +was late for lunch, Margery used to spank me." + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI + +HEARTS MEET IN SIGHTLESS LAND + + +"It will be absolutely impossible, Miss Gray, for me ever to tell +you what I think of this that you have done for my sake." + +Garth stood at the open library window. The morning sunlight poured +into the room. The air was fragrant with the scent of flowers, +resonant with the songs of birds. As he stood there in the sunshine, +a new look of strength and hopefulness was apparent in every line of +his erect figure. He held out eager hands towards Nurse Rosemary, +but more as an expression of the outgoing of his appreciation and +gratitude than with any expectation of responsive hands being placed +within them. + +"And here was I, picturing you having a gay weekend, and wondering +where, and who your friends in this neighbourhood could be. And all +the while you were sitting blindfold in the room over my head. Ah, +the goodness of it is beyond words! But did you not feel somewhat of +a deceiver, Miss Gray?" + +She always felt that--poor Jane. So she readily answered: "Yes. And +yet I told you I was not going far. And my friends in the +neighbourhood were Simpson and Margery, who aided and abetted. And +it was true to say I was going, for was I not going into darkness? +and it is a different world from the land of light." + +"Ah, how true that is!" cried Garth. "And how difficult to make +people understand the loneliness of it, and how they seem suddenly +to arrive close to one from another world; stooping from some +distant planet, with sympathetic voice and friendly touch; and then +away they go to another sphere, leaving one to the immensity of +solitude in Sightless Land." + +"Yes," agreed Nurse Rosemary, "and you almost dread the coming, +because the going makes the darkness darker, and the loneliness more +lonely. " + +"Ah, so YOU experienced that?" said Garth. "Do you know, now you +have week-ended in Sightless Land, I shall not feel it such a place +of solitude. At every turn I shall be able to say:--'A dear and +faithful friend has been here.'" + +He laughed a laugh of such almost boyish pleasure, that all the +mother in Jane's love rose up and demanded of her one supreme +effort. She looked at the slight figure in white flannels, leaning +against the window frame, so manly, so beautiful still, and yet so +helpless and so needing the wealth of tenderness which was hers to +give. Then, standing facing him, she opened her arms, as if the +great preparedness of that place of rest, so close to him must, +magnet-like, draw him to her; and standing thus in the sunlight, +Jane spoke. + +Was she beautiful? Was she paintable? Would a man grow weary of such +a look turned on him, of such arms held out? Alas! Too late! On that +point no lover shall ever be able to pass judgment. That look is for +one man alone. He only will ever bring it to that loving face. And +he cannot pronounce upon its beauty in voice of rapturous content. +He cannot judge. He cannot see. He is blind! + +"Mr. Dalmain, there are many smaller details; but before we talk of +those I want to tell you the greatest of all the lessons I learned +in Sightless Land." Then, conscious that her emotion was producing +in her voice a resonant depth which might remind him too vividly of +notes in The Rosary, she paused, and resumed in the high, soft +edition of her own voice which it had become second nature to her to +use as Nurse Rosemary: "Mr. Dalmain, it seems to me I learned to +understand how that which is loneliness unspeakable to ONE might be +Paradise of a very perfect kind for TWO. I realised that there might +be circumstances in which the dark would become a very wonderful +meeting-place for souls. If I loved a man who lost his sight, I +should be glad to have mine in order to be eyes for him when eyes +were needed; just as, were I rich and he poor, I should value my +money simply as a thing which might be useful to him. But I know the +daylight would often be a trial to me, because it would be something +he could not share; and when evening came, I should long to say: +'Let us put out the lights and shut away the moonlight and sit +together in the sweet soft darkness, which is more uniting than the +light.'" + +While Jane was speaking, Garth paled as he listened, and his face +grew strangely set. Then, as if under a reaction of feeling, a +boyish flush spread to the very roots of his hair. He visibly shrank +from the voice which was saying these things to him. He fumbled with +his right hand for the orange cord which would guide him to his +chair. + +"Nurse Rosemary," he said, and at the tone of his voice Jane's +outstretched arms dropped to her sides; "it is kind of you to tell +me all these beautiful thoughts which came to you in the darkness. +But I hope the man who is happy enough to possess your love, or who +is going to be fortunate enough to win it, will neither be so +unhappy nor so unfortunate as to lose his sight. It will be better +for him to live with you in the light, than to be called upon to +prove the kind way in which you would be willing to adapt yourself +to his darkness. How about opening our letters?" He slipped his hand +along the orange cord and walked over to his chair. + +Then, with a sense of unutterable dismay, Jane saw what she had +done. She had completely forgotten Nurse Rosemary, using her only as +a means of awakening in Garth an understanding of how much her-- +Jane's--love might mean to him in his blindness. She had forgotten +that, to Garth, Nurse Rosemary's was the only personality which +counted in this conversation; she, who had just given him such a +proof of her interest and devotion. And--O poor dear Garth! O bold, +brazen Nurse Rosemary!--he very naturally concluded she was making +love to him. Jane felt herself between Scylla and Charybdis, and she +took a very prompt and characteristic plunge. + +She came across to her place on the other side of the small table +and sat down. "I believe it was the thought of him made me realise +this," she said; "but just now I and my young man have fallen out. +He does not even know I am here." + +Garth unbent at once, and again that boyish heightening of colour +indicated his sense of shame at what he had imagined. + +"Ah, Miss Gray," he said eagerly, "you will not think it impertinent +or intrusive on my part, but do you know I have wondered sometimes +whether there was a happy man." + +Nurse Rosemary laughed. "Well, we can't call him a happy man just +now," she said, "so far as his thoughts of me are concerned. My +whole heart is his, if he could only be brought to believe it. But a +misunderstanding has grown up between us,--my fault entirely,--and +he will not allow me to put it right." + +"What a fool!" cried Garth. "Are you and he engaged?" + +Nurse Rosemary hesitated. "Well--not exactly engaged," she said, +"though it practically amounts to that. Neither of us would give a +thought to any one else." + +Garth knew there was a class of people whose preliminary step to +marriage was called "keeping company," a stage above the housemaid's +"walking out," both expressions being exactly descriptive of the +circumstances of the case; for, whereas pretty Phyllis and her swain +go walking out of an evening in byways and between hedges, or along +pavements and into the parks,--these keep each other company in the +parlours and arbours of their respective friends and relations. Yet, +somehow, Garth had never thought of Nurse Rosemary as belonging to +any other class than his own. Perhaps this ass of a fellow, whom he +already cordially disliked, came of a lower stratum; or perhaps the +rules of her nursing guild forbade a definite engagement, but +allowed "an understanding." Anyway the fact remained that the kind- +hearted, clever, delightful little lady, who had done so much for +him, had "a young man" of her own; and this admitted fact lifted a +weight from Garth's mind. He had been so afraid lately of not being +quite honest with her and with himself. She had become so necessary +to him, nay, so essential, and by her skill and devotion had won so +deep a place in his gratitude. Their relation was of so intimate a +nature, their companionship so close and continuous; and into this +rather ideal state of things had heavily trodden Dr. Rob the other +day with a suggestion. Garth, alone with him, bad been explaining +how indispensable Miss Gray had become to his happiness and comfort, +and how much he dreaded a recall from her matron. + +"I fear they do not let them go on indefinitely at one case; but +perhaps Sir Deryck can arrange that this should be an exception," +said Garth. + +"Oh, hang the matron, and blow Sir Deryck," said Dr. Rob breezily. +"If you want her as a permanency, make sure of her. Marry her, my +boy! I'll warrant she'd have you!" + +Thus trod Dr. Rob, with heavily nailed boots, upon the bare toes of +a delicate situation. + +Garth tried to put the suggestion out of his mind and failed. He +began to notice thoughts and plans of Nurse Rosemary's for his +benefit, which so far exceeded her professional duties that it +seemed as if there must be behind them the promptings of a more +tender interest. He put the thought away again and again, calling +Dr. Rob an old fool, and himself a conceited ass. But again and +again there came about him, with Nurse Rosemary's presence, the +subtile surrounding atmosphere of a watchful love. + +Then, one night, he faced and fought a great temptation. + +After all why should he not do as Dr. Rob suggested? Why not marry +this charming, capable, devoted nurse, and have her constantly about +him in his blindness? SHE did not consider him "a mere boy." . . . +What had he to offer her? A beautiful home, every luxury, abundant +wealth, a companionship she seemed to find congenial . . . But then +the Tempter overreached himself, for he whispered: "And the voice +would be always Jane's. You have never seen the nurse's face; you +never will see it. You can go on putting to the voice the face and +form you adore. You can marry the little nurse, and go on loving +Jane." . . . Then Garth cried out in horror: "Avaunt, Satan!" and +the battle was won. + +But it troubled his mind lest by any chance her peace of heart +should be disturbed through him. So it was with relief, and yet with +an unreasonable smouldering jealousy, that he heard of the young man +to whom she was devoted. And now it appeared she was unhappy through +her young man, just as he was unhappy through--no, because of--Jane. + +A sudden impulse came over him to do away forever with the thought +which in his own mind had lately come between them, and to establish +their intimacy on an even closer and firmer basis, by being +absolutely frank with her on the matter. + +"Miss Gray," he said, leaning towards her with that delightful smile +of boyish candour which many women had found irresistible, "it is +good of you to have told me about yourself; and, although I confess +to feeling unreasonably jealous of the fortunate fellow who +possesses your whole heart, I am glad he exists, because we all miss +something unless we have in our lives the wonderful experience of +the One Woman or the One Man. And I want to tell you something, dear +sweet friend of mine, which closely touches you and me; only, before +I do so, put your hand in mine, that I may realise you in a closer +intimacy than heretofore. You, who have been in Sightless Land, know +how much a hand clasp means down here." + +Garth stretched his hand across the table, and his whole attitude +was tense with expectation. + +"I cannot do that, Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, in a voice +which shook a little. "I have burned my hands. Oh, not seriously. Do +not look so distressed. Just a lighted match. Yes; while I was +blind. Now tell me the thing which touches you and me." + +Garth withdrew his hand and clasped both around his knee. He leaned +back in his chair, his face turned upwards. There was upon it an +expression so pure, the exaltation of a spirit so lifted above the +temptations of the lower nature, that Jane's eyes filled with tears +as she looked at him. She realised what his love for her, +supplemented by the discipline of suffering, had done for her lover. + +He began to speak softly, not turning towards her. "Tell me," he +said, "is he--very much to you?" + +Jane's eyes could not leave the dear face and figure in the chair. +Jane's emotion trembled in Nurse Rosemary's voice. + +"He is all the world to me," she said. + +"Does he love you as you deserve to be loved?" + +Jane bent and laid her lips on the table where his outstretched hand +had rested. Then Nurse Rosemary answered: "He loved me far, FAR more +than I ever deserved." + +"Why do you say 'loved'? Is not 'loves' the truer tense?" + +"Alas, no!" said Nurse Rosemary, brokenly; "for I fear I have lost +his love by my own mistrust of it and my own wrong-doing." + +"Never!" said Garth. "'Love never faileth.' It may for a time appear +to be dead, even buried. But the Easter morn soon dawns, and lo, +Love ariseth! Love grieved, is like a bird with wet wings. It cannot +fly; it cannot rise. It hops about upon the ground, chirping +anxiously. But every flutter shakes away more drops; every moment in +the sunshine is drying the tiny feathers; and very soon it soars to +the tree top, all the better for the bath, which seemed to have +robbed it of the power to rise." + +"Ah,--if my beloved could but dry his wings," murmured Nurse +Rosemary. "But I fear I did more than wet them. I clipped them. +Worse still,--I broke them." + +"Does he know you feel yourself so in the wrong?" Garth asked the +question very gently. + +"No," replied Nurse Rosemary. "He will give me no chance to explain, +and no opportunity to tell him how he wrongs himself and me by the +view he now takes of my conduct." + +"Poor girl!" said Garth in tones of sympathy and comprehension. "My +own experience has been such a tragedy that I can feel for those +whose course of true love does not run smooth. But take my advice, +Miss Gray. Write him a full confession. Keep nothing back. Tell him +just how it all happened. Any man who truly loves would believe, +accept your explanation, and be thankful. Only, I hope he would not +come tearing up here and take you away from me!" + +Jane smiled through a mist of tears. + +"If he wanted me, Mr. Dalmain, I should have to go to him," said +Nurse Rosemary. + +"How I dread the day," continued Garth, "when you will come and say +to me: 'I have to go.' And, do you know, I have sometimes thought-- +you have done so much for me and become so much to me--I have +sometimes thought--I can tell you frankly now--it might have seemed +as if there were a very obvious way to try to keep you always. You +are so immensely worthy of all a man could offer, of all the +devotion a man could give. And because, to one so worthy, I never +could have offered less than the best, I want to tell you that in my +heart I hold shrined forever one beloved face. All others are +gradually fading. Now, in my blindness, I can hardly recall clearly +the many lovely faces I have painted and admired. All are more or +less blurred and indistinct. But this one face grows clearer, thank +God, as the darkness deepens. It will be with me through life, I +shall see it in death, THE FACE OF THE WOMAN I LOVE. You said +'loved' of your lover, hesitating to be sure of his present state of +heart. I can neither say 'love' nor 'loved' of my beloved. She never +loved me. But I love her with a love which makes it impossible for +me to have any 'best' to offer to another woman. If I could bring +myself, from unworthy motives and selfish desires, to ask another to +wed me, I should do her an untold wrong. For her unseen face would +be nothing to me; always that one and only face would be shining in +my darkness. Her voice would be dear, only in so far as it reminded +me of the voice of the woman I love. Dear friend, if you ever pray +for me, pray that I may never be so base as to offer to any woman +such a husk as marriage with me would mean." + +"But--" said Nurse Rosemary. "She--she who has made it a husk for +others; she who might have the finest of the wheat, the full corn in +the ear, herself?" + +"She," said Garth, "has refused it. It was neither fine enough nor +full enough. It was not worthy. O my God, little girl--! What it +means, to appear inadequate to the woman one loves!" + +Garth dropped his face between his hands with a groan. + +Silence unbroken reigned in the library. + +Suddenly Garth began to speak, low and quickly, without lifting his +head. + +"Now," he said, "now I feel it, just as I told Brand, and never so +clearly before, excepting once, when I was alone. Ah, Miss Gray! +Don't move! Don't stir! But look all round the room and tell me +whether you see anything. Look at the window. Look at the door. Lean +forward and look behind the screen. I cannot believe we are alone. I +will not believe it. I am being deceived in my blindness. And yet--I +am NOT deceived. I am conscious of the presence of the woman I love. +Her eyes are fixed upon me in pity, sorrow, and compassion. Her +grief at my woe is so great that it almost enfolds me, as I had +dreamed her love would do . . . O my God! She is so near--and it is +so terrible, because I do not wish her near. I would sooner a +thousand miles were between us--and I am certain there are not +many yards! . . . Is it psychic? or is it actual? or am I going +mad? . . . Miss Gray! YOU would not lie to me. No persuasion or +bribery or confounded chicanery could induce YOU to deceive me on +this point. Look around, for God's sake, and tell me! Are we alone? +And if not, WHO IS IN THE ROOM besides you and me?" + +Jane had been sitting with her arms folded upon the table, her +yearning eyes fixed upon Garth's bowed head. When he wished her a +thousand miles away she buried her face upon them. She was so near +him that had Garth stretched out his right hand again, it would have +touched the heavy coils of her soft hair. But Garth did not raise +his head, and Jane still sat with her face buried. + +There was silence in the library for a few moments after Garth's +question and appeal. Then Jane lifted her face. + +"There is no one in the room, Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, +"but YOU--and ME." + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII + +THE EYES GARTH TRUSTED + + +"So you enjoy motoring, Miss Gray?" + +They had been out in the motor together for the first time, and were +now having tea together in the library, also for the first time; +and, for the first time, Nurse Rosemary was pouring out for her +patient. This was only Monday afternoon, and already her week-end +experience had won for her many new privileges. + +"Yes, I like it, Mr. Dalmain; particularly in this beautiful air." + +"Have you had a case before in a house where they kept a motor?" + +Nurse Rosemary hesitated. "Yes, I have stayed in houses where they +had motors, and I have been in Dr. Brand's. He met me at Charing +Cross once with his electric brougham." + +"Ah, I know," said Garth. "Very neat. On your way to a case, or +returning from a case?" + +Nurse Rosemary smiled, then bit her lip. "To a case," she replied +quite gravely. "I was on my way to his house to talk it over and +receive instructions." + +"It must be splendid working under such a fellow as Brand," said +Garth; "and yet I am certain most of the best things you do are +quite your own idea. For instance, he did not suggest your week-end +plan, did he? I thought not. Ah, the difference it has made! Now +tell me. When we were motoring we never slowed up suddenly to pass +anything, or tooted to make something move out of the way, without +your having already told me what we were going to pass or what was +in the road a little way ahead. It was: 'We shall be passing a hay +cart at the next bend; there will be just room, but we shall have to +slow up'; or, 'An old red cow is in the very middle of the road a +little way on. I think she will move if we hoot.' Then, when the +sudden slow down and swerve came, or the toot toot of the horn, I +knew all about it and was not taken unawares. Did you know how +trying it is in blindness to be speeding along and suddenly alter +pace without having any idea why, or swerve to one side, and not +know what one has just been avoiding? This afternoon our spin was +pure pleasure, because not once did you let these things happen. I +knew all that was taking place, as soon as I should have known it +had I had my sight." + +Jane pressed her hand over her bosom. Ah, how able she was always to +fill her boy's life with pure pleasure. How little of the needless +suffering of the blind should ever be his if she won the right to be +beside him always. + +"Well, Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, "I motored to the station +with Sir Deryck yesterday afternoon, and I noticed all you describe. +I have never before felt nervous in a motor, but I realised +yesterday how largely that is owing to the fact that all the time +one keeps an unconscious look-out; measuring distances, judging +speed, and knowing what each turn of the handle means. So when we go +out you must let me be eyes to you in this." + +"How good you are!" said Garth, gratefully. "And did you see Sir +Deryck off?" + +"No. I did not SEE Sir Deryck at all. But he said good-bye, and I +felt the kind, strong grip of his hand as he left me in the car. And +I sat there and heard his train start and rush away into the +distance." + +"Was it not hard to you to let him come and go and not to see his +face?" + +Jane smiled. "Yes, it was hard," said Nurse Rosemary; "but I wished +to experience that hardness." + +"It gives one an awful blank feeling, doesn't it?" said Garth. + +"Yes. It almost makes one wish the friend had not come." + +"Ah--" There was a depth of contented comprehension in Garth's sigh; +and the brave heart, which had refused to lift the bandage to the +very last, felt more than recompensed. + +"Next time I reach the Gulf of Partings in Sightless Land," +continued Garth, "I shall say: 'A dear friend has stood here for my +sake.'" + +"Oh, and one's meals," said Nurse Rosemary laughing. "Are they not +grotesquely trying?" + +"Yes, of course; I had forgotten you would understand all that now. +I never could explain to you before why I must have my meals alone. +You know the hunt and chase?" + +"Yes," said Nurse Rosemary, "and it usually resolves itself into +'gone away,' and turns up afterwards unexpectedly! But, Mr. Dalmain, +I have thought out several ways of helping so much in that and +making it all quite easy. If you will consent to have your meals +with me at a small table, you will see how smoothly all will work. +And later on, if I am still here, when you begin to have visitors, +you must let me sit at your left, and all my little ways of helping +would be so unobtrusive, that no one would notice." + +"Oh, thanks," said Garth. "I am immensely grateful. I have often +been reminded of a silly game we used to play at Overdene, at +dessert, when we were a specially gay party. Do you know the old +Duchess of Meldrum? Or anyway, you may have heard of her? Ah, yes, +of course, Sir Deryck knows her. She called him in once to her +macaw. She did not mention the macaw on the telephone, and Sir +Deryck, thinking he was wanted for the duchess, threw up an +important engagement and went immediately. Luckily she was at her +town house. She would have sent just the same had she been at +Overdene. I wish you knew Overdene. The duchess gives perfectly +delightful 'best parties,' in which all the people who really enjoy +meeting one another find themselves together, and are well fed and +well housed and well mounted, and do exactly as they like; while the +dear old duchess tramps in and out, with her queer beasts and birds, +shedding a kindly and exciting influence wherever she goes. Last +time I was there she used to let out six Egyptian jerboas in the +drawing-room every evening after dinner, awfully jolly little +beggars, like miniature kangaroos. They used to go skipping about on +their hind legs, frightening some of the women into fits by hiding +under their gowns, and making young footmen drop trays of coffee +cups. The last importation is a toucan,--a South American bird, with +a beak like a banana, and a voice like an old sheep in despair. But +Tommy, the scarlet macaw, remains prime favourite, and I must say he +is clever and knows more than you would think." + +"Well, at Overdene we used to play a silly game at dessert with +muscatels. We each put five raisins at intervals round our plates, +then we shut our eyes and made jabs at them with forks. Whoever +succeeded first in spiking and eating all five was the winner. The +duchess never would play. She enjoyed being umpire, and screaming at +the people who peeped. Miss Champion and I--she is the duchess's +niece, you know--always played fair, and we nearly always made a +dead heat of it." + +"Yes," said Nurse Rosemary, "I know that game. I thought of it at +once when I had my blindfold meals." + +"Ah," cried Garth, "had I known, I would not have let you do it!" + +"I knew that," said Nurse Rosemary. "That was why I week-ended." + +Garth passed his cup to be refilled, and leaned forward +confidentially. + +"Now," he said, "I can venture to tell you one of my minor trials. I +am always so awfully afraid of there being a FLY in things. Ever +since I was a small boy I have had such a horror of inadvertently +eating flies. When I was about six, I heard a lady visitor say to my +mother: 'Oh, one HAS to swallow a fly--about once a year! I have +just swallowed mine, on the way here!' This terrible idea of an +annual fly took possession of my small mind. I used to be thankful +when it happened, and I got it over. I remember quickly finishing a +bit of bread in which I had seen signs of legs and wings, feeling it +was an easy way of taking it and I should thus be exempt for twelve +glad months; but I had to run up and down the terrace with clenched +hands while I swallowed it. And when I discovered the fallacy of the +annual fly, I was just as particular in my dread of an accidental +one. I don't believe I ever sat down to sardines on toast at a +restaurant without looking under the toast for my bugbear, though as +I lifted it I felt rather like the old woman who always looks under +the bed for a burglar. Ah, but since the accident this foolishly +small thing HAS made me suffer! I cannot say: 'Simpson, are you sure +there is not a fly in this soup?' Simpson would say: 'No--sir; no +fly--sir,' and would cough behind his hand, and I could never ask +him again." + +Nurse Rosemary leaned forward and placed his cup where he could +reach it easily, just touching his right hand with the edge of the +saucer. "Have all your meals with me," she said, in a tone of such +complete understanding, that it was almost a caress; "and I can +promise there shall never be any flies in anything. Could you not +trust my eyes for this?" + +And Garth replied, with a happy, grateful smile: "I could trust your +kind and faithful eyes for anything. Ah! and that reminds me: I want +to intrust to them a task I could confide to no one else. Is it +twilight yet, Miss Gray, or is an hour of daylight left to us?" + +Nurse Rosemary glanced out of the window and looked at her watch. +"We ordered tea early," she said, "because we came in from our drive +quite hungry. It is not five o'clock yet, and a radiant afternoon. +The sun sets at half-past seven." + +"Then the light is good," said Garth. "Have you finished tea? The +sun will be shining in at the west window of the studio. You know my +studio at the top of the house? You fetched the studies of Lady +Brand from there. I dare say you noticed stacks of canvases in the +corners. Some are unused; some contain mere sketches or studies; +some are finished pictures. Miss Gray, among the latter are two +which I am most anxious to identify and to destroy. I made Simpson +guide me up the other day and leave me there alone. And I tried to +find them by touch; but I could not be sure, and I soon grew +hopelessly confused amongst all the canvases. I did not wish to ask +Simpson's help, because the subjects, are--well, somewhat unusual, +and if he found out I had destroyed them it might set him wondering +and talking, and one hates to awaken curiosity in a servant. I could +not fall back on Sir Deryck because he would have recognised the +portraits. The principal figure is known to him. When I painted +those pictures I never dreamed of any eye but my own seeing them. So +you, my dear and trusted secretary, are the one person to whom I can +turn. Will you do what I ask? And will you do it now?" + +Nurse Rosemary pushed back her chair. "Why of course, Mr. Dalmain. I +am here to do anything and everything you may desire; and to do it +when you desire it." + +Garth took a key from his waistcoat pocket, and laid it on the +table. "There is the studio latch-key. I think the canvases I want +are in the corner furthest from the door, behind a yellow Japanese +screen. They are large--five feet by three and a half. If they are +too cumbersome for you to bring down, lay them face to face, and +ring for Simpson. But do not leave him alone with them." + +Nurse Rosemary picked up the key, rose, and went over to the piano, +which she opened. Then she tightened the purple cord, which guided +Garth from his chair to the instrument. + +"Sit and play," she said, "while I am upstairs, doing your +commission. But just tell me one thing. You know how greatly your +work interests me. When I find the pictures, is it your wish that I +give them a mere cursory glance, just sufficient for identification; +or may I look at them, in the beautiful studio light? You can trust +me to do whichever you desire." + +The artist in Garth could not resist the wish to have his work seen +and appreciated. "You may look at them of course, if you wish," he +sail. "They are quite the best work I ever did, though I painted +them wholly from memory. That is--I mean, that used to be--a knack +of mine. And they are in no sense imaginary. I painted exactly what +I saw--at least, so far as the female face and figure are concerned. +And they make the pictures. The others are mere accessories." He +stood up, and went to the piano. His fingers began to stray softly +amongst the harmonies of the Veni. + +Nurse Rosemary moved towards the door. "How shall I know them?" she +asked, and waited. + +The chords of the Veni hushed to a murmur, Garth's voice from the +piano came clear and distinct, but blending with the harmonies as if +he were reciting to music. + +"A woman and a man . . . alone, in a garden--but the surroundings +are only indicated. She is in evening dress; soft, black, and +trailing; with lace at her breast. It is called: 'The Wife.'" + +"Yes?" + +"The same woman; the same scene; but without the man, this time. No +need to paint the man; for now--visible or invisible--to her, he is +always there. In her arms she holds"--the low murmur of chords +ceased; there was perfect silence in the room-"a little child. It is +called: 'The Mother.'" + +The Veni burst forth in an unrestrained upbearing of confident +petition: + +"Keep far our foes; give peace at home"--and the door closed behind +Nurse Rosemary. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII + +IN THE STUDIO + + +Jane mounted to the studio; unlocked the door, and, entering, closed +it after her. + +The evening sun shone through a western window, imparting an added +richness to the silk screens and hangings; the mauve wistaria of a +Japanese embroidery; or the golden dragon of China on a deep purple +ground, wound up in its own interminable tail, and showing rampant +claws in unexpected places. + +Several times already Jane had been into Garth's studio, but always +to fetch something for which he waited eagerly below; and she had +never felt free to linger. Margery had a duplicate key; for she +herself went up every day to open the windows, dust tenderly all +special treasures; and keep it exactly as its owner had liked it +kept, when his quick eyes could look around it. But this key was +always on Margery's bunch; and Jane did not like to ask admission, +and risk a possible refusal. + +Now, however, she could take her own time; and she seated herself in +one of the low and very deep wicker lounge-chairs, comfortably +upholstered; so exactly fitting her proportions, and supporting +arms, knees, and head, just rightly, that it seemed as if all other +chairs would in future appear inadequate, owing to the absolute +perfection of this one. Ah, to be just that to her beloved! To so +fully meet his need, at every point, that her presence should be to +him always a source of strength, and rest, and consolation. + +She looked around the room. It was so like Garth; every detail +perfect; every shade of colour enhancing another, and being enhanced +by it. The arrangements for regulating the light, both from roof and +windows; the easels of all kinds and sizes; clean bareness, where +space, and freedom from dust, were required; the luxurious comfort +round the fireplace, and in nooks and corners; all were so perfect. +And the plain brown wall-paper, of that beautiful quiet shade which +has in it no red, and no yellow; a clear nut-brown. On an easel near +the further window stood an unfinished painting; palette and brushes +beside it, just as Garth had left them when he went out on that +morning, nearly three months ago; and, vaulting over a gate to +protect a little animal from unnecessary pain, was plunged himself +into such utter loss and anguish. + +Jane rose, and took stock of all his quaint treasures on the +mantelpiece. Especially her mind was held and fascinated by a stout +little bear in brass, sitting solidly yet jauntily on its haunches, +its front paws clasping a brazen pole; its head turned sideways; its +small, beady, eyes, looking straight before it. The chain, from its +neck to the pole denoted captivity and possible fierceness. Jane had +no doubt its head would lift, and its body prove a receptacle for +matches; but she felt equally certain that, should she lift its head +and look, no matches would be within it. This little bear was +unmistakably Early Victorian; a friend of childhood's days; and +would not be put to common uses. She lifted the head. The body was +empty. She replaced it gently on the mantelpiece, and realised that +she was deliberately postponing an ordeal which must be faced. + +Deryck had told her of Garth's pictures of the One Woman. Garth, +himself, had now told her even more. But the time had come when she +must see them for herself. It was useless to postpone the moment. +She looked towards the yellow screen. + +Then she walked, over to the western window, and threw it wide open. +The sun was dipping gently towards the purple hills. The deep blue +of the sky began to pale, as a hint of lovely rose crept into it. +Jane looked heavenward and, thrusting her hands deeply into her +pockets, spoke aloud. "Before God" she said,--"in case I am never +able to say or think it again, I will say it now--I BELIEVE I WAS +RIGHT. I considered Garth's future happiness, and I considered my +own. I decided as I did for both our sakes, at terrible cost to +present joy. But, before God, I believed I was right; and--I BELIEVE +IT STILL." + +Jane never said it again. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX + +JANE LOOKS INTO LOVE'S MIRROR + + +Behind the yellow screen, Jane found a great confusion of canvases, +and unmistakable evidence of the blind hands which had groped about +in a vain search, and then made fruitless endeavours to sort and +rearrange. Very tenderly, Jane picked up each canvas from the fallen +heap; turning it the right way up, and standing it with its face to +the wall. Beautiful work, was there; some of it finished; some, +incomplete. One or two faces she knew, looked out at her in their +pictured loveliness. But the canvases she sought were not there. + +She straightened herself, and looked around. In a further corner, +partly concealed by a Cairo screen, stood another pile. Jane went to +them. + +Almost immediately she found the two she wanted; larger than the +rest, and distinguishable at a glance by the soft black gown of the +central figure. + +Without giving them more than a passing look, she carried them over +to the western window, and placed them in a good light. Then she +drew up the chair in which she had been sitting; took the little +brass bear in her left hand, as a talisman to help her through what +lay before her; turned the second picture with its face to the +easel; and sat down to the quiet contemplation of the first. + +The noble figure of a woman, nobly painted, was the first impression +which leapt from eye to brain. Yes, nobility came first, in stately +pose, in uplifted brow, in breadth of dignity. Then--as you marked +the grandly massive figure, too well-proportioned to be cumbersome, +but large and full, and amply developed; the length of limb; the +firmly planted feet; the large capable hands,--you realised the +second impression conveyed by the picture, to be strength;--strength +to do; strength to be; strength to continue. Then you looked into +the face. And there you were confronted with a great surprise. The +third thought expressed by the picture was Love--love, of the +highest, holiest, most ideal, kind; yet, withal, of the most +tenderly human order; and you found it in that face. + +It was a large face, well proportioned to the figure. It had no +pretensions whatever to ordinary beauty. The features were good; +there was not an ugly line about them; and yet, each one just missed +the beautiful; and the general effect was of a good-looking +plainness; unadorned, unconcealed, and unashamed. But the longer you +looked, the more desirable grew the face; the less you noticed its +negations; the more you admired its honesty, its purity, its immense +strength of purpose; its noble simplicity. You took in all these +outward details; you looked away for a moment, to consider them; you +looked back to verify them; and then the miracle happened. Into the +face had stolen the "light that never was on sea or land." It shone +from the quiet grey eyes,--as, over the head of the man who knelt +before her, they looked out of the picture--with an expression of +the sublime surrender of a woman's whole soul to an emotion which, +though it sways and masters her, yet gives her the power to be more +truly herself than ever before. The startled joy in them; the marvel +at a mystery not yet understood; the passionate tenderness; and yet +the almost divine compassion for the unrestrained violence of +feeling, which had flung the man to his knees, and driven him to the +haven of her breast; the yearning to soothe, and give, and content;- +-all these were blended into a look of such exquisite sweetness, +that it brought tears to the eyes of the beholder. + +The woman was seated on a broad marble parapet. She looked straight +before her. Her knees came well forward, and the long curve of the +train of her black gown filled the foreground on the right. On the +left, slightly to one side of her, knelt a man, a tall slight figure +in evening dress, his arms thrown forward around her waist; his face +completely hidden in the soft lace at her bosom; only the back of +his sleek dark head, visible. And yet the whole figure denoted a +passion of tense emotion. She had gathered him to her with what you +knew must have been an exquisite gesture, combining the utter self- +surrender of the woman, with the tender throb of maternal +solicitude; and now her hands were clasped behind his head, holding +him closely to her. Not a word was being spoken. The hidden face was +obviously silent; and her firm lips above his dark head were folded +in a line of calm self-control; though about them hovered the +dawning of a smile of bliss ineffable. + +A crimson rambler rose climbing some woodwork faintly indicated on +the left, and hanging in a glowing mass from the top left-hand +corner, supplied the only vivid colour in the picture. + +But, from taking in these minor details, the eye returned to that +calm tender face, alight with love; to those strong capable hands, +now learning for the first time to put forth the protective passion +of a woman's tenderness; and the mind whispered the only possible +name for that picture: The Wife. + +Jane gazed at it long, in silence. Had Garth's little bear been +anything less solid than Early Victorian brass; it must have bent +and broken under the strong pressure of those clenched hands. + +She could not doubt, for a moment, that she looked upon herself; +but, oh, merciful heavens! how unlike the reflected self of her own +mirror! Once or twice as she looked, her mind refused to work, and +she simply gazed blankly at the minor details of the picture. But +then again, the expression of the grey eyes drew her, recalling so +vividly every feeling she had experienced when that dear head had +come so unexpectedly to its resting-place upon her bosom. "It is +true," she whispered; and again: "Yes; it is true. I cannot deny it. +It is as I felt; it must be as I looked. " + +And then, suddenly; she fell upon her knees before the picture. "Oh, +my God! Is that as I looked? And the next thing that happened was my +boy lifting his shining eyes and gazing at me in the moonlight. Is +THIS what he saw? Did I look SO? And did the woman who looked so; +and who, looking so, pressed his head down again upon her breast, +refuse next day to marry him, on the grounds of his youth, and her +superiority? . . . Oh, Garth, Garth! . . . O God, help him to +understand! . . . help him to forgive me!" + +In the work-room just below, Maggie the housemaid was singing as she +sewed. The sound floated through the open window, each syllable +distinct in the clear Scotch voice, and reached Jane where she +knelt. Her mind, stunned to blankness by its pain, took eager hold +upon the words of Maggie's hymn. And they were these. + + "O Love, that will not let me go, + I rest my weary soul in Thee; + I give Thee back the life I owe, + That in Thine ocean depths its flow + May richer, fuller be." + + "O Light, that followest all my way, + I yield my flick'ring torch to Thee; + My heart restores its borrowed ray, + That in Thy sunshine's blaze its day + May brighter, fairer be." + +Jane took the second picture, and placed it in front of the first. + +The same woman, seated as before; but the man was not there; and in +her arms, its tiny dark head pillowed against the fulness of her +breast, lay a little child. The woman did not look over that small +head, but bent above it, and gazed into the baby face. + +The crimson rambler had grown right across the picture, and formed a +glowing arch above mother and child. A majesty of tenderness was in +the large figure of the mother. The face, as regarded contour and +features, was no less plain; but again it was transfigured, by the +mother-love thereon depicted. You knew "The Wife" had more than +fulfilled her abundant promise. The wife was there in fullest +realisation; and, added to wifehood, the wonder of motherhood. All +mysteries were explained; all joys experienced; and the smile on her +calm lips, bespoke ineffable content. + +A rambler rose had burst above them, and fallen in a shower of +crimson petals upon mother and child. The baby-fingers clasped +tightly the soft lace at her bosom. A petal had fallen upon the tiny +wrist. She had lifted her hand to remove it; and, catching the baby- +eyes, so dark and shining, paused for a moment, and smiled. + +Jane, watching them, fell to desperate weeping. The "mere boy" had +understood her potential possibilities of motherhood far better than +she understood them herself. Having had one glimpse of her as "The +Wife," his mind had leaped on, and seen her as "The Mother." And +again she was forced to say: "It is true--yes; it is true." + +And then she recalled the old line of cruel reasoning: + +"It was not the sort of face one would have wanted to see always in +front of one at table." Was this the sort of face--this, as Garth +had painted it, after a supposed year of marriage? Would any man +weary of it, or wish to turn away his eyes? + +Jane took one more long look. Then she dropped the little bear, and +buried her face in her hands; while a hot blush crept up to the very +roots of her hair, and tingled to her finger-tips. + +Below, the fresh young voice was singing again. + + "O Joy, that seekest me through pain, + I cannot close my heart to Thee; + I trace the rainbow through the rain, + And feel the promise is not vain + That morn shall tearless be." + +After a while Jane whispered: "Oh, my darling, forgive me. I was +altogether wrong. I will confess; and, God helping me, I will +explain; and, oh, my darling, you will forgive me?" + +Once more she lifted her head and looked at the picture. A few stray +petals of the crimson rambler lay upon the ground; reminding her of +those crushed roses, which, falling from her breast, lay scattered +on the terrace at Shenstone, emblem of the joyous hopes and glory of +love which her decision of that night had laid in the dust of +disillusion. But crowning this picture, in rich clusters of abundant +bloom, grew the rambler rose. And through the open window came the +final verse of Maggie's hymn. + + "O Cross, that liftest up my head, + I dare not ask to fly from Thee; + I lay in dust life's glory dead, + And from the ground there blossoms red + Life that shall endless be." + +Jane went to the western window, and stood, with her arms stretched +above her, looking out upon the radiance of the sunset. The sky +blazed into gold and crimson at the horizon; gradually as the eye +lifted, paling to primrose, flecked with rosy clouds; and, overhead, +deep blue--fathomless, boundless, blue. + +Jane gazed at the golden battlements above the purple hills, and +repeated, half aloud: "And the city was of pure gold;--and had no +need of the sun, neither of the moon to shine in it: for the glory +of God did lighten it. And there shall be no more death; neither +sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the +former things are passed away." + +Ah, how much had passed away since she stood at that western window, +not an hour before. All life seemed readjusted; its outlook altered; +its perspective changed. Truly Garth had "gone behind his +blindness." + +Jane raised her eyes to the blue; and a smile of unspeakable +anticipation parted her lips. "Life, that shall endless be," she +murmured. Then, turning, found the little bear, and restored him to +his place upon the mantelpiece; put back the chair; closed the +western window; and, picking up the two canvases, left the studio, +and made her way carefully downstairs. + + + + +CHAPTER XXX + +"THE LADY PORTRAYED" + + +"It has taken you long, Miss Gray. I nearly sent Simpson up, to find +out what had happened." + +"I am glad you did not do that, Mr. Dalmain. Simpson would have +found me weeping on the studio floor; and to ask his assistance +under those circumstances, would have been more humbling than +inquiring after the fly in the soup!" + +Garth turned quickly in his chair. The artist-ear had caught the +tone which meant comprehension of his work. + +"Weeping!" he said. "Why?" + +"Because," answered Nurse Rosemary, "I have been entranced. These +pictures are so exquisite. They stir one's deepest depths. And yet +they are so pathetic--ah, SO pathetic; because you have made a plain +woman, beautiful." + +Garth rose to his feet, and turned upon her a face which would have +blazed, had it not been sightless. + +"A WHAT?" he exclaimed. + +"A plain woman," repeated Nurse Rosemary, quietly. "Surely you +realised your model to be that. And therein lies the wonder of the +pictures. You have so beautified her by wifehood, and glorified her +by motherhood, that the longer one looks the more one forgets her +plainness; seeing her as loving and loved; lovable, and therefore +lovely. It is a triumph of art." + +Garth sat down, his hands clasped before him. + +"It is a triumph of truth," he said. "I painted what I saw. " + +"You painted her soul," said Nurse Rosemary, "and it illuminated her +plain face." + +"I SAW her soul," said Garth, almost in a whisper; "and that vision +was so radiant that it illumined my dark life. The remembrance +lightens my darkness, even now." + +A very tender silence fell in the library. + +The twilight deepened. + +Then Nurse Rosemary spoke, very low. "Mr. Dalmain, I have a request +to make of you. I want to beg you not to destroy these pictures." + +Garth lifted his head. "I must destroy them, child," he said. "I +cannot risk their being seen by people who would recognise my--the-- +the lady portrayed." + +"At all events, there is one person who must see them, before they +are destroyed." + +"And that is?" queried Garth. + +"The lady portrayed," said Nurse Rosemary, bravely. + +"How do you know she has not seen them?" + +"Has she?" inquired Nurse Rosemary. + +"No," said Garth, shortly; "and she never will." + +"She must." + +Something in the tone of quiet insistence struck Garth. + +"Why?" he asked; and listened with interest for the answer. + +"Because of all it would mean to a woman who knows herself plain, to +see herself thus beautified." + +Garth sat very still for a few moments. Then: "A woman who--knows-- +herself--plain?" he repeated, with interrogative amazement in his +voice. + +"Yes," proceeded Nurse Rosemary, encouraged. "Do you suppose, for a +moment, that that lady's mirror has ever shown her a reflection in +any way approaching what you have made her in these pictures? When +we stand before our looking-glasses, Mr. Dalmain, scowling anxiously +at hats and bows, and partings, we usually look our very worst; and +that lady, at her very worst; would be of a most discouraging +plainness." + +Garth sat perfectly silent. + +"Depend upon it," continued Nurse Rosemary, "she never sees herself +as 'The Wife'--'The Mother.' Is she a wife?". + +Garth hesitated only the fraction of a second. "Yes," he said, very +quietly. + +Jane's hands flew to her breast. Her heart must be held down, or he +would hear it throbbing. + +Nurse Rosemary's voice had in it only a slight tremor, when she +spoke again. + +"Is she a mother?" + +"No," said Garth. "I painted what might have been." + +"If--?" + +"If it HAD been," replied Garth, curtly. + +Nurse Rosemary felt rebuked. "Dear Mr. Dalmain," she said, humbly; +"I realise how officious I must seem to you, with all these +questions, and suggestions. But you must blame the hold these +wonderful paintings of yours have taken on my mind. Oh, they are +beautiful--beautiful!" + +"Ah," said Garth, the keen pleasure of the artist springing up once +more. "Miss Gray, I have somewhat forgotten them. Have you them +here? That is right. Put them up before you, and describe them to +me. Let me hear how they struck you, as pictures." Jane rose, and +went to the window. She threw it open; and as she breathed in the +fresh air, breathed out a passionate prayer that her nerve, her +voice, her self-control might not fail her, in this critical hour. +She herself had been convicted by Garth's pictures. Now she must +convince Garth, by her description of them. He must be made to +believe in the love he had depicted. + +Then Nurse Rosemary sat down; and, in the gentle, unemotional voice, +which was quite her own, described to the eager ears of the blind +artist, exactly what Jane had seen in the studio. + +It was perfectly done. It was mercilessly done. All the desperate, +hopeless, hunger for Jane, awoke in Garth; the maddening knowledge +that she had been his, and yet not his; that, had he pressed for her +answer that evening, it could not have been a refusal; that the cold +calculations of later hours, had no place in those moments of +ecstasy. Yet--he lost her--lost her! Why? Ah, why? Was there any +possible reason other than the one she gave? + +Nurse Rosemary's quiet voice went on, regardless of his writhings. +But she was drawing to a close. "And it is such a beautiful crimson +rambler, Mr. Dalmain," she said. "I like the idea of its being small +and in bud, in the first picture; and blooming in full glory, in the +second." + +Garth pulled himself together and smiled. He must not give way +before this girl. + +"Yes," he said; "I am glad you noticed that. And, look here. We will +not destroy them at once. Now they are found, there is no hurry. I +am afraid I am giving you a lot of trouble; but will you ask for +some large sheets of brown paper, and make a package, and write upon +it: 'Not to be opened,' and tell Margery to put them back in the +studio. Then, when I want them, at any time, I shall have no +difficulty in identifying them." + +"I am so glad," said Nurse Rosemary. "Then perhaps the plain lady--" + +"I cannot have her spoken of so," said Garth, hotly. "I do not know +what she thought of herself--I doubt if she ever gave a thought to +self at all. I do not know what you would have thought of her. I can +only tell you that, to me, hers is the one face which is visible in +my darkness. All the loveliness I have painted, all the beauty I +have admired, fades from my mental vision, as wreaths of mist; +flutters from memory's sight, as autumn leaves. Her face alone +abides; calm, holy, tender, beautiful,--it is always before me. And +it pains me that one who has only seen her as MY hand depicted her +should speak of her as plain." + +"Forgive me," said Nurse Rosemary, humbly. "I did not mean to pain +you, sir. And, to show you what your pictures have done for me, may +I tell you a resolution I made in the studio? I cannot miss what +they depict--the sweetest joys of life--for want of the courage to +confess myself wrong; pocket my pride; and be frank and humble. I am +going to write a full confession to my young man, as to my share of +the misunderstanding which has parted us. Do you think he will +understand? Do you think he will forgive?" + +Garth smiled. He tried to call up an image of a pretty troubled +face, framed in a fluffy setting of soft fair hair. It harmonised so +little with the voice; but it undoubtedly was Nurse Rosemary Gray, +as others saw her. + +"He will be a brute if he doesn't, child," he said. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXI + +IN LIGHTER VEIN + + +Dinner that evening, the first at their small round table, was a +great success. Nurse Rosemary's plans all worked well; and Garth +delighted in arrangements which made him feel less helpless. + +The strain of the afternoon brought its reaction of merriment. A +little judicious questioning drew forth further stories of the +duchess and her pets; and Miss Champion's name came in with a +frequency which they both enjoyed. + +It was a curious experience for Jane, to hear herself described in +Garth's vivid word-painting. Until that fatal evening at Shenstone, +she had been remarkably free from self-consciousness; and she had no +idea that she had a way of looking straight into people's eyes when +she talked to them, and that that was what muddled up "the silly +little minds of women who say they are afraid of her, and that she +makes them nervous! You see she looks right into their shallow +shuffling little souls, full of conceited thoughts about themselves, +and nasty ill-natured thoughts about her; and no wonder they grow +panic-stricken, and flee; and talk of her as 'that formidable Miss +Champion.' I never found her formidable; but, when I had the chance +of a real talk with her, I used to be thankful I had nothing of +which to be ashamed. Those clear eyes touched bottom every time, as +our kindred over the water so expressively put it." + +Neither had Jane any idea that she always talked with a poker, if +possible; building up the fire while she built up her own argument; +or attacking it vigorously, while she demolished her opponent's; +that she stirred the fire with her toe, but her very smart boots +never seemed any the worse; that when pondering a difficult problem, +she usually stood holding her chin in her right hand, until she had +found the solution. All these small characteristics Garth described +with vivid touch, and dwelt upon with a tenacity of remembrance, +which astonished Jane, and revealed him, in his relation to herself +three years before, in a new light. + +His love for her had been so suddenly disclosed, and had at once had +to be considered as a thing to be either accepted or put away; so +that when she decided to put it away, it seemed not to have had time +to become in any sense part of her life. She had viewed it; realised +all it might have meant; and put it from her. + +But now she understood hove different it had been for Garth. During +the week which preceded his declaration, he had realised, to the +full, the meaning of their growing intimacy; and, as his certainty +increased, he had more and more woven her into his life; his vivid +imagination causing her to appear as his beloved from the first; +loved and wanted, when as yet they were merely acquaintances; +kindred spirits; friends. + +To find herself thus shrined in his heart and memory was infinitely +touching to Jane; and seemed to promise, with sweet certainty, that +it would not be difficult to come home there to abide, when once all +barriers between them were removed. + +After dinner, Garth sat long at the piano, filling the room with +harmony. Once or twice the theme of The Rosary crept in, and Jane +listened anxiously for its development; but almost immediately it +gave way to something else. It seemed rather to haunt the other +melodies, than to be actually there itself. + +When Garth left the piano, and, guided by the purple cord, reached +his chair, Nurse Rosemary said gently "Mr. Dalmain, can you spare me +for a few days at the end of this week?" + +"Oh, why?" said Garth. "To go where? And for how long? Ah, I know I +ought to say: 'Certainly! Delighted!' after all your goodness to me. +But I really cannot! You don't know what life was without you, when +you week-ended! That week-end seemed months, even though Brand was +here. It is your own fault for making yourself so indispensable." + +Nurse Rosemary smiled. "I daresay I shall not be away for long," she +said. "That is, if you want me, I can return. But, Mr. Dalmain, I +intend to-night to write that letter of which I told you. I shall +post it to-morrow. I must follow it up almost immediately. I must be +with him when he receives it, or soon afterwards. I think--I hope-- +he will want me at once. This is Monday. May I go on Thursday?" + +Poor Garth looked blankly dismayed. + +"Do nurses, as a rule, leave their patients, and rush off to their +young men in order to find out how they have liked their letters?" +he inquired, in mock protest. + +"Not as a rule, sir," replied Nurse Rosemary, demurely. "But this is +an exceptional case." + +"I shall wire to Brand." + +"He will send you a more efficient and more dependable person." + +"Oh you wicked little thing!" cried Garth. "If Miss Champion were +here, she would shake you! You, know perfectly well that nobody +could fill your place!" + +"It is good of you to say so, sir," replied Nurse Rosemary, meekly. +"And is Miss Champion much addicted to shaking people?" + + + +"Don't call me 'sir'! Yes; when people are tiresome she often says +she would like to shake them; and one has a mental vision of how +their teeth would chatter. There is a certain little lady of our +acquaintance whom we always call 'Mrs. Do-and-don't.' She isn't in +our set; but she calls upon it; and sometimes it asks her to lunch, +for fun. If you inquire whether she likes a thing, she says: 'Well, +I do, and I don't.' If you ask whether she is going to a certain +function, she says: 'Well, I am, and I'm not.' And if you send her a +note, imploring a straight answer to a direct question, the answer +comes back: 'Yes AND no.' Miss Champion used to say she would like +to take her up by the scruff of her feather boa, and shake her, +asking at intervals: 'Shall I stop?' so as to wring from Mrs. Do- +and-don't a definite affirmative, for once." + +"Could Miss Champion carry out such a threat? Is she a very massive +person?" + +"Well, she could, you know; but she wouldn't. She is most awfully +kind, even to little freaks she laughs at. No, she isn't massive. +That word does not describe her at all. But she is large, and very +finely developed. Do you know the Venus of Milo? Yes; in the Louvre. +I am glad you know Paris. Well, just imagine the Venus of Milo in a +tailor-made coat and skirt,--and you have Miss Champion." + +Nurse Rosemary laughed, hysterically. Either the Venus of Milo, or +Miss Champion, or this combination of both, proved too much for her. + +"Little Dicky Brand summed up Mrs. Do-and-don't rather well," +pursued Garth. "She was calling at Wimpole Street, on Lady Brand's +'at home' day. And Dicky stood talking to me, in his black velvets +and white waistcoat, a miniature edition of Sir Deryck. He indicated +Mrs. Do-and-don't on a distant lounge, and remarked: 'THAT lady +never KNOWS; she always THINKS. I asked her if her little girl might +come to my party, and she said: "I think so." Now if she had asked +ME if I was coming to HER party, I should have said: "Thank you; I +am." It is very trying when people only THINK about important +things, such as little girls and parties; because their thinking +never amounts to much. It does not so much matter what they think +about other things--the weather, for instance; because that all +happens, whether they think or not. Mummie asked that lady whether +it was raining when she got here; and she said: "I THINK not." I +can't imagine why Mummie always wants to know what her friends think +about the weather. I have heard her ask seven ladies this afternoon +whether it is raining. Now if father or I wanted to know whether it +was raining we should just step over to the window, and look out; +and then come back and go do with really interesting conversation. +But Mummie asks them whether it is raining, or whether they think it +has been raining, or is going to rain; and when they have told her, +she hurries away and asks somebody else. I asked the thinking lady +in the feather thing, whether she knew who the father and mother +were, of the young lady whom Cain married; and she said: "Well, I +do; and I don't." I said: "If you DO, perhaps you will tell me. And +if you DON'T, perhaps you would like to take my hand, and we will +walk over together and ask the Bishop--the one with the thin legs, +and the gold cross, talking to Mummie." But she, thought she had to +go, quite in a hurry. So I saw her off; and then asked the Bishop +alone. Bishops are most satisfactory kind of people; because they +are quite sure about everything; and you feel safe in quoting them +to Nurse. Nurse told Marsdon that this one is in "sheep's clothing," +because he wears a gold cross. I saw the cross; but I saw no sheep's +clothing. I was looking out for the kind of woolly thing our new +curate wears on his back in church. Should you call that "sheep's +clothing"? I asked father, and he said: "No. Bunny-skin." And mother +seemed as shocked as if father and I had spoken in church, instead +of just as we came out. And she said: "It is a B.A. hood." Possibly +she thinks "baa" is spelled with only one "a." Anyway father and I +felt it best to let the subject drop.'" + +Nurse Rosemary laughed. "How exactly like Dicky," she said. "I could +hear his grave little voice, and almost see him pull down his small +waistcoat!" + +"Why, do you know the little chap?" asked Garth. + +"Yes," replied Nurse Rosemary; "I have stayed with them. Talking to +Dicky is an education; and Baby Blossom is a sweet romp. Here comes +Simpson. How quickly the evening has flown. Then may I be off on +Thursday?" + +"I am helpless," said Garth. "I cannot say 'no.' But suppose you do +not come back?" + +"Then you can wire to Dr. Brand." + +"I believe you want to leave me," said Garth reproachfully. + +"I do, and I don't!" laughed Nurse Rosemary; and fled from his +outstretched hands. + + * * * * * * * + +When Jane had locked the letter-bag earlier that evening, and handed +it to Simpson, she had slipped in two letters of her own. One was +addressed to Georgina, Duchess of Meldrum + + Portland Place + +The other, to + + Sir Deryck Brand + + Wimpole Street + +Both were marked: Urgent. If absent, forward immediately. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXII + +AN INTERLUDE + + +Tuesday passed uneventfully, to all outward seeming. + +There was nothing to indicate to Garth that his secretary had sat up +writing most of the night; only varying that employment by spending +long moments in silent contemplation of his pictures, which had +found a temporary place of safety, on their way back to the studio, +in a deep cupboard in her room, of which she had the key. + +If Nurse Rosemary marked, with a pang of tender compunction, the +worn look on Garth's face, telling how mental suffering had chased +away sleep; she made no comment thereupon. + +Thus Tuesday passed; in uneventful monotony. + +Two telegrams had arrived for Nurse Gray in the course of the +morning. The first came while she was reading a Times leader aloud +to Garth. Simpson brought it in, saying: "A telegram for you, miss." + +It was always a source of gratification to Simpson afterwards, that, +almost from the first, he had been led, by what he called his +"unHaided HintuHition," to drop the "nurse," and address Jane with +the conventional "miss." In time he almost convinced himself that he +had also discerned in her "a Honourable"; but this, Margery Graem +firmly refused to allow. She herself had had her "doots," and kept +them to herself; but all Mr. Simpson's surmisings had been freely +expressed and reiterated in the housekeeper's room; and never a word +about any honourable lead passed Mr. Simpson's lips. Therefore Mrs. +Graem berated him for being so ready to "go astray and speak lies." +But Maggie, the housemaid, had always felt sure Mr. Simpson knew +more than he said. "Said more than he knew, you mean," prompted old +Margery. "No," retorted Maggie, "I know what I said; and I said what +I meant." "You may have said what you meant, but you did not mean +what you knew," insisted Margery; "and if anybody says another word +on the matter, _I_ shall say grace and dismiss the table," continued +old Margery, exercising the cloture, by virtue of her authority, in +a way which Simpson and Maggie, who both wished for cheese, +afterwards described as "mean." + +But this was long after the uneventful Tuesday, when Simpson +entered, with a salver; and, finding Jane enveloped in the Times, +said: "A telegram for you, miss." + +Nurse Rosemary took it; apologised for the interruption, and opened +it. It was from the duchess, and ran thus: + +MOST INCONVENIENT, AS YOU VERY WELL KNOW; BUT AM LEAVING EUSTON TO- +NIGHT. WILL AWAIT FURTHER ORDERS AT ABERDEEN. + +Nurse Rosemary smiled, and put the telegram into her pocket. "No +answer, thank you, Simpson." + +"Not bad news, I hope?" asked Garth. + +"No," replied Nurse Rosemary; "but it makes my departure on Thursday +imperative. It is from an old aunt of mine, who is going to my +'young man's' home. I must be with him before she is, or there will +be endless complications." + +"I don't believe he will ever let you go again, when once he gets +you back," remarked Garth, moodily. + +"You think not?" said Nurse Rosemary, with a tender little smile, as +she took up the paper, and resumed her reading. + +The second telegram arrived after luncheon. Garth was at the piano, +thundering Beethoven's Funeral March on the Death of a Hero. The +room was being rent asunder by mighty chords; and Simpson's smug +face and side-whiskers appearing noiselessly in the doorway, were an +insupportable anticlimax. Nurse Rosemary laid her finger on her +lips; advanced with her firm noiseless tread, and took the telegram. +She returned to her seat and waited until the hero's obsequies were +over, and the last roll of the drums had died away. Then she opened +the orange envelope. And as she opened it, a strange thing happened. +Garth began to play The Rosary. The string of pearls dropped in +liquid sound from his fingers; and Nurse Rosemary read her telegram. +It was from the doctor, and said: SPECIAL LICENSE EASILY OBTAINED. +FLOWER AND I WILL COME WHENEVER YOU WISH. WIRE AGAIN. + +The Rosary drew to a soft melancholy close. + +"What shall I play next?" asked Garth, suddenly. + +"Veni, Creator Spiritus," said Nurse Rosemary; and bowed her head in +prayer. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIII + +"SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN!" + + +Wednesday dawned; an ideal First of May: Garth was in the garden +before breakfast. Jane heard him singing, as he passed beneath her +window. + +"It is not mine to sing the stately grace, +The great soul beaming in my lady's face." + +She leaned out. + +He was walking below in the freshest of white flannels; his step so +light and elastic; his every movement so lithe and graceful; the +only sign of his blindness the Malacca cane he held in his hand, +with which he occasionally touched the grass border, or the wall of +the house. She could only see the top of his dark head. It might +have been on the terrace at Shenstone, three years before. She +longed to call from the window; "Darling--my Darling! Good morning! +God bless you to-day." + +Ah what would to-day bring forth;--the day when her full confession, +and explanation, and plea for pardon, would reach him? He was such a +boy in many ways; so light-hearted, loving, artistic, poetic, +irrepressible; ever young, in spite of his great affliction. But +where his manhood was concerned; his love; his right of choice and +of decision; of maintaining a fairly-formed opinion, and setting +aside the less competent judgment of others; she knew him rigid, +inflexible. His very pain seemed to cool him, from the molten lover, +to the bar of steel. + +As Jane knelt at her window that morning, she had not the least idea +whether the evening would find her travelling to Aberdeen, to take +the night mail south; or at home forever in the heaven of Garth's +love. + +And down below he passed again, still singing: + + "But mine it is to follow in her train; + Do her behests in pleasure or in pain; + Burn at her altar love's sweet frankincense, + And worship her in distant reverence." + +"Ah, beloved!" whispered Jane, "not 'distant.' If you want her, and +call her, it will be to the closest closeness love can devise. No +more distance between you and me." + +And then, in the curious way in which inspired words will sometimes +occur to the mind quite apart from their inspired context, and +bearing a totally different meaning from that which they primarily +bear, these words came to Jane: "For He is our peace, Who hath made +both one, and hath broken down the middle wall of partition between +us . . . that He might reconcile both . . . by the cross." "Ah, dear +Christ!" she whispered. "If Thy cross could do this for Jew and +Gentile, may not my boy's heavy cross, so bravely borne, do it for +him and for me? So shall we come at last, indeed, to 'kiss the +cross.'" + +The breakfast gong boomed through the house. Simpson loved gongs. He +considered them "Haristocratic." He always gave full measure. + +Nurse Rosemary went down to breakfast. + +Garth came in, through the French window, humming "The thousand +beauties that I know so well." He was in his gayest, most +inconsequent mood. He had picked a golden rosebud in the +conservatory and wore it in his buttonhole. He carried a yellow rose +in his hand. + +"Good day, Miss Rosemary," he said. "What a May Day! Simpson and I +were up with the lark; weren't we, Simpson? Poor Simpson felt like a +sort of 'Queen of the May,' when my electric bell trilled in his +room, at 5 A.M. But I couldn't stay in bed. I woke with my +something-is-going-to-happen feeling; and when I was a little chap +and woke with that, Margery used to say: 'Get up quickly then, +Master Garth, and it will happen all the sooner.' You ask her if she +didn't, Simpson. Miss Gray, did you ever learn: 'If you're waking +call me early, call me early, mother dear'? I always hated that +young woman! I should think, in her excited state, she would have +been waking long before her poor mother, who must have been worn to +a perfect rag, making all the hussy's May Queen-clothes, overnight." + +Simpson had waited to guide him to his place at the table. Then he +removed the covers, and left the room. + +As soon as he had closed the door behind him, Garth leaned forward, +and with unerring accuracy laid the opening rose upon Nurse +Rosemary's plate. + +"Roses for Rosemary," he said. "Wear it, if you are sure the young +man would not object. I have been thinking about him and the aunt. I +wish you could ask them both here, instead of going away on +Thursday. We would have the 'maddest, merriest time!' I would play +with the aunt, while you had it out with the young man. And I could +easily keep the aunt away from nooks and corners, because my hearing +is sharper than any aunt's eyes could be, and if you gave a gentle +cough, I would promptly clutch hold of auntie, and insist upon being +guided in the opposite direction. And I would take her out in the +motor; and you and the young man could have the gig. And then when +all was satisfactorily settled, we could pack them off home, and be +by ourselves again. Ah, Miss Gray, do send for them, instead of +leaving me on Thursday." + +"Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, reprovingly, as she leaned +forward and touched his right hand with the rim of his saucer, "this +May-Day morning has gone to your head. I shall send for Margery. She +may have known the symptoms, of old." + +"It is not that," said Garth. He leaned forward and spoke +confidentially. "Something is going to happen to-day, little +Rosemary. Whenever I feel like this, something happens. The first +time it occurred, about twenty-five years ago, there was a rocking- +horse in the hall, when I ran downstairs! I have never forgotten my +first ride on that rocking-horse. The fearful joy when he went +backward; the awful plunge when he went forward; and the proud +moment when it was possible to cease clinging to the leather pommel. +I nearly killed the cousin who pulled out his tail. I thrashed him, +then and there, WITH the tail; which was such a silly thing to do; +because, though it damaged the cousin, it also spoiled the tail. The +next time--ah, but I am boring you!" + +"Not at all," said Nurse Rosemary, politely; "but I want you to have +some breakfast; and the letters will be here in a few minutes." + +He looked so brown and radiant, this dear delightful boy, with his +gold-brown tie, and yellow rose. She was conscious of her pallor, +and oppressive earnestness, as she said: "The letters will be here." + +"Oh, bother the letters!" cried Garth. "Let's have a holiday from +letters on May Day! You shall be Queen of the May; and Margery shall +be the old mother. I will be Robin, with the breaking heart, leaning +on the bridge beneath the hazel tree; and Simpson can be the 'bolder +lad.' And we will all go and 'gather knots of flowers, and buds, and +garlands gay.'" + +"Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, laughing, in spite of herself, +"you really must be sensible, or I shall go and consult Margery. I +have never seen you in such a mood." + +"You have never seen me, on a day when something was going to +happen," said Garth; and Nurse Rosemary made no further attempt to +repress him. + +After breakfast, he went to the piano, and played two-steps, and +rag-time music, so infectiously, that Simpson literally tripped as +he cleared the table; and Nurse Rosemary, sitting pale and +preoccupied, with a pile of letters before her, had hard work to +keep her feet still. + +Simpson had two-stepped to the door with the cloth, and closed it +after him. Nurse Rosemary's remarks about the post-bag, and the +letters, had remained unanswered. "Shine little glowworm glimmer" +was pealing gaily through the room, like silver bells,--when the +door opened, and old Margery appeared, in a black satin apron, and a +blue print sunbonnet. She came straight to the piano, and laid her +hand gently on Garth's arm. + +"Master Garthie," she said, "on this lovely May morning, will you +take old Margery up into the woods?" + +Garth's hands dropped from the keys. "Of course I will, Margie," he +said. "And, I say Margie, SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN." + +"I know it, laddie," said the old woman, tenderly; and the +expression with which she looked into the blind face filled Jane's +eyes with tears. "I woke with it too, Master Garthie; and now we +will go into the woods, and listen to the earth, and trees, and +flowers, and they will tell us whether it is for joy, or for sorrow. +Come, my own laddie." + +Garth rose, as in a dream. Even in his blindness he looked so young, +and so beautiful, that Jane's watching heart stood still. + +At the window he paused. "Where is that secretary person?" he said, +vaguely. "She kept trying to shut me up." + +"I know she did, laddie," said old Margery, curtseying +apologetically towards Jane. "You see she does not know the +'something-is-going-to-happen-to-day' awakening." + +"Ah, doesn't she?" thought Jane, as they disappeared through the +window. "But as my Garth has gone off his dear head, and been taken +away by his nurse, the thing that is going to happen, can't happen +just yet." And Jane sat down to the piano, and very softly ran +through the accompaniment of The Rosary. Then,--after shading her +eyes on the terrace, and making sure that a tall white figure +leaning on a short dark one, had almost reached the top of the +hill,--still more softly, she sang it. + +Afterwards she went for a tramp on the moors, and steadied her nerve +by the rapid swing of her walk, and the deep inbreathing of that +glorious air. Once or twice she took a telegram from her pocket, +stood still and read it; then tramped on, to the wonder of the +words: "Special license easily obtained." Ah, the license might be +easy to obtain; but how about his forgiveness? That must be obtained +first. If there were only this darling boy to deal with, in his +white flannels and yellow roses, with a May-Day madness in his +veins, the license might come at once; and all he could wish should +happen without delay. But this is a passing phase of Garth. What she +has to deal with is the white-faced man, who calmly said: "I accept +the cross," and walked down the village church leaving her--for all +these years. Loving her, as he loved her; and yet leaving her,-- +without word or sign, for three long years. To hire, was the +confession; his would be the decision; and, somehow, it did not +surprise her, when she came down to luncheon, a little late, to find +HIM seated at the table. + +"Miss Gray," he said gravely, as he heard her enter, "I must +apologise for my behaviour this morning. I was what they call up +here 'fey.' Margery understands the mood; and together she and I +have listened to kind Mother Earth, laying our hands on her +sympathetic softness, and she has told us her secrets. Then I lay +down under the fir trees and slept; and awakened calm and sane, and +ready for what to-day must bring. For it WILL bring something. That +is no delusion. It is a day of great things. That much, Margery +knows, too." + +"Perhaps," suggested Nurse Rosemary, tentatively, "there may be news +of interest in your letters." + +"Ah," said Garth, "I forgot. We have not even opened this morning's +letters. Let us take time for them immediately after lunch. Are +there many?" + +"Quite a pile," said Nurse Rosemary. + + "Good. We will work soberly through them." + +Half an hour later Garth was seated in his chair, calm and +expectant; his face turned towards his secretary. He had handled his +letters, and amongst them he had found one sealed; and the seal was +a plumed helmet, with visor closed. Nurse Rosemary saw him pale, as +his fingers touched it. He made no remark; but, as before, slipped +it beneath the rest, that it might come up for reading, last of all. + +When the others were finished, and Nurse Rosemary took up this +letter, the room was very still. They were quite alone. Bees hummed +in the garden. The scent of flowers stole in at the window. But no +one disturbed their solitude. + +Nurse Rosemary took up the envelope. + +"Mr. Dalmain, here is a letter, sealed with scarlet wax. The seal is +a helmet with visor--" + +"I know," said Garth. "You need not describe it further. Kindly open +it." + +Nurse Rosemary opened it. "It is a very long letter, Mr. Dalmain." + +"Indeed? Will you please read it to me, Miss Gray." + +A tense moment of silence followed. Nurse Rosemary lifted the +letter; but her voice suddenly refused to respond to her will. Garth +waited without further word. + +Then Nurse Rosemary said: "Indeed, sir, it seems a most private +letter. I find it difficult to read it to you." + +Garth heard the distress in her voice, and turned to her kindly. + +"Never mind, my dear child. It in no way concerns you. It is a +private letter to me; but my only means of hearing it is through +your eyes, and from your lips. Besides, the lady, whose seal is a +plumed helmet, can have nothing of a very private nature to say to +me." + +"Ah, but she has," said Nurse Rosemary, brokenly. + +Garth considered this in silence. + +Then: "Turn over the page," he said, "and tell me the signature." + +"There are many pages," said Nurse Rosemary. + +"Turn over the pages then," said Garth, sternly. "Do not keep me +waiting. How is that letter signed?" + +"YOUR WIFE," whispered Nurse Rosemary. + +There was a petrifying quality about the silence which followed. It +seemed as if those two words, whispered into Garth's darkness, had +turned him to stone. + +At last he stretched out his hand. "Will you give me that letter, if +you please, Miss Gray? Thank you. I wish to be alone for a quarter +of an hour. I shall be glad if you will be good enough to sit in the +dining-room, and stop any one from coming into this room. I must be +undisturbed. At the end of that time kindly return." + +He spoke so quietly that Jane's heart sank within her. Some display +of agitation would have been reassuring. This was the man who, +bowing his dark head towards the crucifixion window, said: "I accept +the cross." This was the man, whose footsteps never once faltered as +he strode down the aisle, and left her. This was the man, who had +had the strength, ever since, to treat that episode between her and +himself, as completely closed; no word of entreaty; no sign of +remembrance; no hint of reproach. And this was the man to whom she +had signed herself: "Your wife." + +In her whole life, Jane had never known fear. She knew it now. + +As she silently rose and left him, she stole one look at his face. +He was sitting perfectly still; the letter in his hand. He had not +turned his head toward her as he took it. His profile might have +been a beautiful carving in white ivory. There was not the faintest +tinge of colour in his face; just that ivory pallor, against the +ebony lines of his straight brows, and smooth dark hair. + +Jane softly left the room, closing the door behind her. + +Then followed the longest fifteen minutes she had ever known. She +realised what a tremendous conflict was in progress in that quiet +room. Garth was arriving at his decision without having heard any of +her arguments. By the strange fatality of his own insistence, he had +heard only two words of her letter, and those the crucial words; the +two words to which the whole letter carefully led up. They must have +revealed to him instantly, what the character of the letter would +be; and what was the attitude of mind towards himself, of the woman +who wrote them. + +Jane paced the dining-room in desperation, remembering the hours of +thought which had gone to the compiling of sentences, cautiously +preparing his mind to the revelation of the signature. + +Suddenly, in the midst of her mental perturbation, there came to her +the remembrance of a conversation between Nurse Rosemary and Garth +over the pictures. The former had said: "Is she a wife?" And Garth +had answered: "Yes." Jane had instantly understood what that answer +revealed and implied. Because Garth had so felt her his during those +wonderful moments on the terrace at Shenstone, that he could look up +into her face and say, "My wife"--not as an interrogation, but as an +absolute statement of fact,--he still held her this, as indissolubly +as if priest, and book, and ring, had gone to the wedding of their +union. To him, the union of souls came before all else; and if that +had taken place, all that might follow was but the outward +indorsement of an accomplished fact. Owing to her fear, mistrust, +and deception, nothing had followed. Their lives had been sundered; +they had gone different ways. He regarded himself as being no more +to her than any other man of her acquaintance. During these years he +had believed, that her part in that evening's wedding of souls had +existed in his imagination, only; and had no binding effect upon +her. But his remained. Because those words were true to him then, he +had said there; and, because he had said them, he would consider her +his wife, through life,--and after. It was the intuitive +understanding of this, which had emboldened Jane so to sign her +letter. But how would he reconcile that signature with the view of +her conduct which he had all along taken, without ever having the +slightest conception that there could be any other? + +Then Jane remembered, with comfort, the irresistible appeal made by +Truth to the soul of the artist; truth of line; truth of colour; +truth of values; and, in the realm of sound, truth of tone, of +harmony, of rendering, of conception. And when Nurse Rosemary had +said of his painting of "The Wife": "It is a triumph of art"; Girth +had replied: "It is a triumph of truth." And Jane's own verdict on +the look he had seen and depicted was: "It is true--yes, it is +true!" Will he not realise now the truth of that signature; and, if +he realises it, will he not be glad in his loneliness, that his wife +should come to him; unless the confessions and admissions of the +letter cause him to put her away as wholly unworthy? + +Suddenly Jane understood the immense advantage of the fact that he +would hear every word of the rest of her letter, knowing the +conclusion, which she herself could not possibly have put first. She +saw a Higher Hand in this arrangement; and said, as she watched the +minutes slowly pass: "He hath broken down the middle wall of +partition between us"; and a sense of calm assurance descended, and +garrisoned her soul with peace. + +The quarter of an hour was over. + +Jane crossed the hall with firm, though noiseless, step; stood a +moment on the threshold relegating herself completely to the +background; then opened the door; and Nurse Rosemary re-entered the +library. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIV + +"LOVE NEVER FAILETH" + + +Garth was standing at the open window, when Nurse Rosemary re- +entered the library; and he did not turn, immediately. + +She looked anxiously for the letter, and saw it laid ready on her +side of the table. It bore signs of having been much crumpled; +looking almost as a letter might appear which had been crushed into +a ball, flung into the waste-paper basket, and afterwards retrieved. +It had, however, been carefully smoothed out; and lay ready to her +hand. + +When Garth turned from the window and passed to his chair, his face +bore the signs of a great struggle. He looked as one who, sightless, +has yet been making frantic efforts to see. The ivory pallor was +gone. His face was flushed; and his thick hair, which grew in +beautiful curves low upon his forehead and temples, and was usually +carefully brushed back in short-cropped neatness, was now ruffled +and disordered. But his voice was completely under control, as he +turned towards his secretary. + +"My dear Miss Gray," he said, "we have a difficult task before us. I +have received a letter, which it is essential I should hear. I am +obliged to ask you to read it to me, because there is absolutely no +one else to whom I can prefer such a request. I cannot but know that +it will be a difficult and painful task for you, feeling yourself an +intermediary between two wounded and sundered hearts. May I make it +easier, my dear little girl, by assuring you that I know of no one +in this world from whose lips I could listen to the contents of that +letter with less pain; and, failing my own, there are no eyes +beneath which I could less grudgingly let it pass, there is no mind +I could so unquestioningly trust, to judge kindly, both of myself +and of the writer; and to forget faithfully, all which was not +intended to come within the knowledge of a third person." + +"Thank you, Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary. + +Garth leaned back in his chair, shielding his face with his hand. + +"Now, if you please," he said. And, very clearly and quietly, Nurse +Rosemary began to read. + +"DEAR GARTH, As you will not let me come to you, so that I could +say, between you and me alone, that which must be said, I am +compelled to write it. It is your own fault, Dal; and we both pay +the penalty. For how can I write to you freely when I know, that as +you listen, it will seem to you of every word I am writing, that I +am dragging a third person into that which ought to be, most +sacredly, between you and me alone. And yet, I must write freely; +and I must make you fully understand; because the whole of your +future life and mine will depend upon your reply to this letter. I +must write as if you were able to hold the letter in your own hands, +and read it to yourself. Therefore, if you cannot completely trust +your secretary, with the private history of your heart and mine, bid +her give it you back without turning this first page; and let me +come myself, Garth, and tell you all the rest." + +"That is the bottom of the page," said Nurse Rosemary; and waited. + +Garth did not remove his hand. "I do completely trust; and she must +not come," he said. + +Nurse Rosemary turned the page, and went on reading. + +"I want you to remember, Garth, that every word I write, is the +simple unvarnished truth. If you look back over your remembrance of +me, you will admit that I am not naturally an untruthful person, nor +did I ever take easily to prevarication. But, Garth, I told you one +lie; and that fatal exception proves the rule of perfect +truthfulness, which has always otherwise held, between you and me; +and, please God, always will hold. The confession herein contained, +concerns that one lie; and I need not ask you to realise how +humbling it is to my pride to have to force the hearing of a +confession upon the man who has already refused to admit me to a +visit of friendship. You will remember that I am not naturally +humble; and have a considerable amount of proper pride; and, +perhaps, by the greatness of the effort I have had to make, you will +be able to gauge the greatness of my love. God help you to do so--my +darling; my beloved; my poor desolate boy!" + +Nurse Rosemary stopped abruptly; for, at this sudden mention of +love, and at these words of unexpected tenderness from Jane, Garth +had risen to his feet, and taken two steps towards the window; as if +to escape from something too immense to be faced. But, in a moment +he recovered himself, and sat down again, completely hiding his face +with his hand. + +Nurse Rosemary resumed the reading of the letter. + +"Ah, what a wrong I have done, both to you, and to myself! Dear, you +remember the evening on the terrace at Shenstone, when you asked me +to be--when you called me--when I WAS--YOUR WIFE? Garth, I leave +this last sentence as it stands, with its two attempts to reach the +truth. I will not cross them out, but leave them to be read to you; +for, you see Garth, I finally arrived! I WAS your wife. I did not +understand it then. I was intensely surprised; unbelievably +inexperienced in matters of feeling; and bewildered by the flood of +sensation which swept me off my feet and almost engulfed me. But +even then I knew that my soul arose and proclaimed you mate and +master. And when you held me, and your dear head lay upon my heart, +I knew, for the first time the meaning of the word ecstasy; and I +could have asked no kinder gift of heaven, than to prolong those +moments into hours." + +Nurse Rosemary's quiet voice broke, suddenly; and the reading +ceased. + +Garth was leaning forward, his head buried in his hands. A dry sob +rose in his throat, just at the very moment when Nurse Rosemary's +voice gave way. + +Garth recovered first. Without lifting his head, with a gesture of +protective affection and sympathy, he stretched his hand across the +table. + +"Poor little girl," he said, "I am so sorry. It is rough on you. If +only it had come when Brand was here! I am afraid you MUST go on; +but try to read without realising. Leave the realising to me." + +And Nurse Rosemary read on. + +"When you lifted your head in the moonlight and gazed long and +earnestly at me--Ah, those dear eyes!--your look suddenly made me +self-conscious. There swept over me a sense of my own exceeding +plainness, and of how little there was in what those dear eyes saw, +to provide reason, for that adoring look. Overwhelmed with a shy +shame I pressed your head back to the place where the eyes would be +hidden; and I realise now what a different construction you must +have put upon that action. Garth, I assure you, that when you lifted +your head the second time, and said, 'My wife,' it was the first +suggestion to my mind that this wonderful thing which was happening +meant--marriage. I know it must seem almost incredible, and more +like a child of eighteen, than a woman of thirty. But you must +remember, all my dealings with men up to that hour had been +handshakes, heartiest comradeship, and an occasional clap on the +shoulder given and received. And don't forget, dear King of my +heart, that, until one short week before, you had been amongst the +boys who called me 'good old Jane,' and addressed me in intimate +conversation as 'my dear fellow'! Don't forget that I had always +looked upon you as YEARS younger than myself; and though a strangely +sweet tie had grown up between us, since the evening of the concert +at Overdene, I had never realised it as love. Well--you will +remember how I asked for twelve hours to consider my answer; and you +yielded, immediately; (you were so perfect, all the time, Garth) and +left me, when I asked to be alone; left me, with a gesture I have +never forgotten. It was a revelation of the way in which the love of +a man such as you exalts the woman upon whom it is outpoured. The +hem of that gown has been a sacred thing to me, ever since. It is +always with me, though I never wear it.--A detailed account of the +hours which followed, I shall hope to give you some day, my dearest. +I cannot write it. Let me hurl on to paper, in all its crude +ugliness, the miserable fact which parted us; turning our dawning +joy to disillusion and sadness. Garth--it was this. I did not +believe your love would stand the test of my plainness. I knew what +a worshipper of beauty you were; how you must have it, in one form +or another, always around you. I got out my diary in which I had +recorded verbatim our conversation about the ugly preacher, whose +face became illumined into beauty, by the inspired glory within. And +you added that you never thought him ugly again; but he would always +be plain. And you said it was not the sort of face one would want to +have always before one at meals; but that you were not called upon +to undergo that discipline, which would be sheer martyrdom to you." + +"I was so interested, at the time; and so amused at the unconscious +way in which you stood and explained this, to quite the plainest +woman of your acquaintance, that I recorded it very fully in my +journal.--Alas! On that important night, I read the words, over and +over, until they took morbid hold upon my brain. Then--such is the +self-consciousness awakened in a woman by the fact that she is loved +and sought--I turned on all the lights around my mirror, and +critically and carefully examined the face you would have to see +every day behind your coffee-pot at breakfast, for years and years, +if I said 'Yes,' on the morrow. Darling, I did not see myself +through your eyes, as, thank God, I have done since. And I DID NOT +TRUST YOUR LOVE TO STAND THE TEST. It seemed to me, I was saving +both of us from future disappointment and misery, by bravely putting +away present joy, in order to avoid certain disenchantment. My +beloved, it will seem to you so coolly calculating, and so mean; so +unworthy of the great love you were even then lavishing upon me. But +remember, for years, your remarkable personal grace and beauty had +been a source of pleasure to me; and I had pictured you wedded to +Pauline Lister, for instance, in her dazzling whiteness, and soft +radiant youth. So my morbid self-consciousness said: 'What! This +young Apollo, tied to my ponderous plainness; growing handsomer +every year, while I grow older and plainer?' Ah, darling! It sounds +so unworthy, now we know what our love is. But it sounded sensible +and right that night; and at last, with a bosom that ached, and arms +that hung heavy at the thought of being emptied of all that joy, I +made up my mind to say 'no.' Ah, believe me, I had no idea what it +already meant to you. I thought you would pass on at once to another +fancy; and transfer your love to one more able to meet your needs, +at every point. Honestly, Garth, I thought I should be the only one +left desolate.--Then came the question: how to refuse you. I knew if +I gave the true reason, you would argue it away, and prove me wrong, +with glowing words, before which I should perforce yield. So--as I +really meant not to let you run the risk, and not to run it myself-- +I lied to you, my beloved. To you, whom my whole being acclaimed +King of my heart, Master of my will; supreme to me, in love and +life,--to YOU I said: 'I cannot marry a mere boy.' Ah, darling! I do +not excuse it. I do not defend it. I merely confess it; trusting to +your generosity to admit, that no other answer would have sent you +away. Ah, your poor Jane, left desolate! If you could have seen her +in the little church, calling you back; retracting and promising; +listening for your returning footsteps, in an agony of longing. But +my Garth is not made of the stuff which stands waiting on the door- +mat of a woman's indecision." + +"The lonely year which followed so broke my nerve, that Deryck Brand +told me I was going all to pieces, and ordered me abroad. I went, as +you know; and in other, and more vigorous, surroundings, there came +to me a saner view of life. In Egypt last March, on the summit of +the Great Pyramid, I made up my mind that I could live without you +no longer. I did not see myself wrong; but I yearned so for your +love, and to pour mine upon you, my beloved, that I concluded it was +worth the risk. I made up my mind to take the next boat home, and +send for you. Then--oh, my own boy--I heard. I wrote to you; and you +would not let me come." + +"Now I know perfectly well, that you might say: 'She did not trust +me when I had my sight. Now that I cannot see, she is no longer +afraid.' Garth, you might, say that; but it would not be true. I +have had ample proof lately that I was wrong, and ought to have +trusted you all through. What it is, I will tell you later. All I +can say now is: that, if your dear shining eyes could see, they +would see, NOW, a woman who is, trustfully and unquestioningly, all +your own. If she is doubtful of her face and figure, she says quite +simply: 'They pleased HIM; and they are just HIS. I have no further +right to criticise them. If he wants them, they are not mine, but +his.' Darling, I cannot tell you now, how I have arrived at this +assurance. But I have had proofs beyond words of your faithfulness +and love." + +"The question, therefore, simply resolves itself into this: Can you +forgive me? If you can forgive me, I can come to you at once. If +this thing is past forgiveness, I must make up my mind to stay away. +But, oh, my own Dear,--the bosom on which once you laid your head +waits for you with the longing ache of lonely years. If you need it, +do not thrust it from you." + +"Write me one word by your own hand: 'Forgiven.' It is all I ask. +When it reaches me, I will come to you at once. Do not dictate a +letter to your secretary. I could not bear it. Just write--if you +can truly write it--'FORGIVEN'; and send it to 'Your Wife.'" + +The room was very still, as Nurse Rosemary finished reading; and, +laying down the letter, silently waited. She wondered for a moment +whether she could get herself a glass of water, without disturbing +him; but decided to do without it. + +At last Garth lifted his head. + +"She has asked me to do a thing impossible," he said; and a slow +smile illumined his drawn face. + +Jane clasped her hands upon her breast. + +"CAN you not write 'forgiven'?" asked Nurse Rosemary, brokenly. + +"No," said Garth. "I cannot. Little girl, give me a sheet of paper, +and a pencil." + +Nurse Rosemary placed them close to his hand. + +Garth took up the pencil. He groped for the paper; felt the edges +with his left hand; found the centre with his fingers; and, in large +firm letters, wrote one word. + +"Is that legible?" he asked, passing it across to Nurse Rosemary. + +"Quite legible," she said; for she answered before it was blotted by +her tears. + +Instead of "forgiven," Garth had written: "LOVED." + +"Can you post it at once?" Garth asked, in a low, eager voice. "And +she will come--oh, my God, she will come! If we catch to-night's +mail, she may be here the day after to-morrow!" + +Nurse Rosemary took up the letter; and, by an almost superhuman +effort, spoke steadily. + +"Mr. Dalmain," she said; "there is a postscript to this letter. It +says: 'Write to The Palace Hotel, Aberdeen.'" + +Garth sprang up, his whole face and figure alive with excitement. + +"In Aberdeen?" he cried. "Jane, in Aberdeen! Oh, my God! If she gets +this paper to-morrow morning, she may be here any time in the day. +Jane! Jane! Dear little Rosemary, do you hear? Jane will come to- +morrow! Didn't I tell you something was going to happen? You and +Simpson were too British to understand; but Margery knew; and the +woods told us it was Joy coming through Pain. Could that be posted +at once, Miss Gray?" + +The May-Day mood was upon him again. His face shone. His figure was +electric with expectation. Nurse Rosemary, sat at the table watching +him; her chin in her hands. A tender smile dawned on her lips, out +of keeping with her supposed face and figure; so full was it of the +glorious expectation of a mature and perfect love. + +"I will go to the post-office myself, Mr. Dalmain," she said. "I +shall be glad of the walk; and I can be back by tea-time." + +At the post-office she did not post the word in Garth's handwriting. +That lay hidden in her bosom. But she sent off two telegrams. The +first to + +The Duchess of Meldyum, + + Palace Hotel, Aberdeen. + + "Come here by 5.50 train without fail this evening." + +The second to + +Sir Deryck Brand, + + Wimpole Sheet, London. + + "All is right." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXV + +NURSE ROSEMARY HAS HER REWARD + + +"Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, with patient insistence, "I +really do want you to sit down, and give your mind to the tea-table. +How can you remember where each thing is placed, if you keep jumping +up, and moving your chair into different positions? And last time +you pounded the table to attract my attention, which was already +anxiously fixed upon you, you nearly knocked over your own tea, and +sent floods of mine into the saucer. If you cannot behave better, I +shall ask Margery for a pinafore, and sit you up on a high chair!" + +Garth stretched his legs in front of him, and his arms over his +head; and lay back in his chair, laughing joyously. + +"Then I should have to say: 'Please, Nurse, may I get down?' What a +cheeky little thing you are becoming! And you used to be quite +oppressively polite. I suppose you would answer: 'If you say your +grace nicely, Master Garth, you may.' Do you know the story of +'Tommy, you should say Your Grace'?" + +"You have told it to me twice in the last forty-eight hours," said +Nurse Rosemary, patiently. + +"Oh, what a pity! I felt so like telling it now. If you had really +been the sort of sympathetic person Sir Deryck described, you would +have said: 'No; and I should so LOVE to hear it!'" + +"No; and I should so LOVE to hear it!" said Nurse Rosemary. + +"Too late! That sort of thing, to have any value should be +spontaneous. It need not be true; but it MUST be spontaneous. But, +talking of a high chair,--when you say those chaffy things in a +voice like Jane's, and just as Jane would have said them--oh, my +wig!--Do you know, that is the duchess's only original little swear. +All the rest are quotations. And when she says: 'My wig!' we all try +not to look at it. It is usually slightly awry. The toucan tweaks +it. He is so very LOVING, dear bird!" + +"Now hand me the buttered toast," said Nurse Rosemary; "and don't +tell me any more naughty stories about the duchess. No! That is the +thin bread-and-butter. I told you you would lose your bearings. The +toast is in a warm plate on your right. Now let us make believe I am +Miss Champion, and hand it to me, as nicely as you will be handing +it to her, this time to-morrow." + +"It is easy to make believe you are Jane, with that voice," said +Garth; "and yet--I don't know. I have never really associated you +with her. One little sentence of old Rob's made all the difference +to me. He said you had fluffy floss-silk sort of hair. No one could +ever imagine Jane with fluffy floss-silk sort of hair! And I believe +that one sentence saved the situation. Otherwise, your voice would +have driven me mad, those first days. As it was, I used to wonder +sometimes if I could possibly bear it. You understand why, now; +don't you? And yet, in a way, it is NOT like hers. Hers is deeper; +and she often speaks with a delicious kind of drawl, and uses heaps +of slang; and you are such a very proper little person; and possess +what the primers call 'perfectly correct diction.' What fun it would +be to hear you and Jane talk together! And yet--I don't know. I +should be on thorns, all the time." + +"Why?" + +"I should be so awfully afraid lest you should not like one another. +You see, YOU have really, in a way, been more to me than any one +else in the world; and SHE--well, she IS my world," said Garth, +simply. "And I should be so afraid lest she should not fully +appreciate you; and you should not quite understand her. She has a +sort of way of standing and looking people up and down, and, women +hate it; especially pretty fluffy little women. They feel she spots +all the things that come off." + +"Nothing of mine comes off," murmured Nurse Rosemary, "excepting my +patient, when he will not stay on his chair." + +"Once," continued Garth, with the gleeful enjoyment in his voice +which always presaged a story in which Jane figured, "there was a +fearfully silly little woman staying at Overdene, when a lot of us +were there. We never could make out why she was included in one of +the duchess's 'best parties,' except that the dear duchess vastly +enjoyed taking her off, and telling stories about her; and we could +not appreciate the cleverness of the impersonation, unless we had +seen the original. She was rather pretty, in a fussy, curling-tongs, +wax-doll sort of way; but she never could let her appearance alone, +or allow people to forget it. Almost every sentence she spoke, drew +attention to it. We got very sick of it, and asked Jane to make her +shut up. But Jane said: 'It doesn't hurt you, boys; and it pleases +leer. Let her be.' Jane was always extra nice to people, if she +suspected they were asked down in order to make sport for the +duchess afterwards. Jane hated that sort of thing. She couldn't say +much to her aunt; but we had to be very careful how we egged the +duchess on, if Jane was within hearing. Well--one evening, after +tea, a little group of us were waiting around the fire in the lower +hall, to talk to Jane. It was Christmas time. The logs looked so +jolly on the hearth. The red velvet curtains were drawn right +across, covering the terrace door and the windows on either side. +Tommy sat on his perch, in the centre of the group, keeping a keen +lookout for cigarette ends. Outside, the world was deep in snow; and +that wonderful silence reigned; making the talk and laughter within +all the more gay by contrast--you know, that PENETRATING silence; +when trees, and fields, and paths, are covered a foot thick in soft +sparkling whiteness. I always look forward, just as eagerly, each +winter to the first sight--ah, I forgot! . . . Fancy never seeing +snow again! . . . Never mind. It is something to remember HAVING +seen it; and I shall hear the wonderful snow-silence more clearly +than ever. Perhaps before other people pull up the blinds, I shall +be able to say: 'There's been a fall of snow in the night.' What was +I telling you? Yes, I remember. About little Mrs. Fussy. Well--all +the women had gone up to dress for dinner; excepting Jane, who never +needed more than half an hour; and Fussy, who was being sprightly, +in a laboured way; and fancied herself the centre of attraction +which kept us congregated fn the hall. As a matter of fact, we were +waiting to tell Jane some private news we had just heard about a +young chap in the guards, who was in fearful hot water for ragging. +His colonel was an old friend of Jane's, and we thought she could +put in a word, and improve matters for Billy. So Mrs. Fussy was very +much de trop, and didn't know it. Jane was sitting with her back to +all of us, her feet on the fender, and her skirt turned up over her +knees. Oh, there was another one, underneath; a handsome silk thing, +with rows of little frills,--which you would think should have gone +on outside. But Jane's best things are never paraded; always hidden. +I don't mean clothes, now; but her splendid self. Well--little Fussy +was 'chatting'--she never talked--about herself and her conquests; +quite unconscious that we all wished her at Jericho. Jane went on +reading the evening paper; but she felt the atmosphere growing +restive. Presently--ah, but I must not tell you the rest. I have +just remembered. Jane made us promise never to repeat it. She +thought it detrimental to the other woman. But we just had time for +our confab; and Jane caught the evening post with the letter which +got Billy off scot-free; and yet came down punctually to dinner, +better dressed than any of them. We felt it rather hard luck to have +to promise; because we had each counted on being the first to tell +the story to the duchess. But, you know, you always have to do as +Jane says." + +"Why?" + +"Oh, I don't know! I can't explain why. If you knew her, you would +not need to ask. Cake, Miss Gray?" + +"Thank you. Right, this time." + +"There! That is exactly as Jane would have said: 'Right, this time.' +Is it not strange that after having for weeks thought your voice so +like hers, to-morrow I shall be thinking her voice so like yours?" + +"Oh, no, you will not," said Nurse Rosemary. "When she is with you, +you will have no thoughts for other people." + +"Indeed, but I shall!" cried Garth. "And, dear little Rosemary, I +shall miss you, horribly. No one--not even she--can take your place. +And, do you know," he leaned forward, and a troubled look clouded +the gladness of his face, "I am beginning to feel anxious about it. +She has not seen me since the accident. I am afraid it will give her +a shock. Do you think she will find me much changed?" + +Jane looked at the sightless face turned so anxiously toward her. +She remembered that morning in his room, when he thought himself +alone with Dr. Rob; and, leaving the shelter of the wall, sat up to +speak, and she saw his face for the first time. She remembered +turning to the fireplace, so that Dr. Rob should not see the tears +raining down her cheeks. She looked again at Garth--now growing +conscious, for the first time, of his disfigurement; and then, only +for her sake--and an almost overwhelming tenderness gripped her +heart. She glanced at the clock. She could not hold out much longer. + +"Is it very bad?" said Garth; and his voice shook. + +"I cannot answer for another woman," replied Nurse Rosemary; "but I +should think your face, just as it is, will always be her joy." + +Garth flushed; pleased and relieved, but slightly surprised. There +was a quality in Nurse Rosemary's voice, for which he could not +altogether account. + +"But then, she will not be accustomed to my blind ways," he +continued. "I am afraid I shall seem so helpless and so blundering. +She has not been in Sightless Land, as you and I have been. She does +not know all our plans of cords, and notches, and things. Ah, little +Rosemary! Promise not to leave me to-morrow. I want Her--only God, +knows how I want her; but I begin to be half afraid. It will be so +wonderful, for the great essentials; but, for the little every-day +happenings, which are so magnified by the darkness, oh, my kind +unseen guide, how I shall need you. At first, I thought it lucky you +had settled to go, just when she is coming; but now, just because +she is coming, I cannot let you go. Having her will be wonderful +beyond words; but it will not be the same as having you." + +Nurse Rosemary was receiving her reward, and she appeared to find it +rather overwhelming. + +As soon as she could speak, she said, gently: "Don't excite yourself +over it, Mr. Dalmain. Believe me, when you have been with her for +five minutes, you will find it just the same as having me. And how +do you know she has not also been in Sightless Land? A nurse would +do that sort of thing, because she was very keen on her profession, +and on making a success of her case. The woman who loves you would +do it for love of you." + +"It would be like her," said Garth; and leaned back, a look of deep +contentment gathering on his face. "Oh, Jane! Jane! She is coming! +She is coming!" + +Nurse Rosemary looked at the clock. + +"Yes; she is coming," she said; and though her voice was steady, her +hands trembled. "And, as it is our last evening together under quite +the same circumstances as during all these weeks, will you agree to +a plan of mine? I must go upstairs now, and do some packing, and +make a few arrangements. But will you dress early? I will do the +same; and if you could be down in the library by half-past six, we +might have some music before dinner." + +"Why certainly," said Garth. "It makes no difference to me at what +time I dress; and I am always ready for music. But, I say: I wish +you were not packing, Miss Gray." + +"I am not exactly packing up," replied Nurse Rosemary. "I am packing +things away." + +"It is all the same, if it means leaving. But you have promised not +to go until she comes?" + +"I will not go--until she comes." + +"And you will tell her all the things she ought to know?" + +"She shall know all I know, which could add to your comfort." + +"And you will not leave me, until I am really--well, getting on all +right?" + +"I will never leave you, while you need me," said Nurse Rosemary. +And again Garth detected that peculiar quality in her voice. He +rose, and came towards where he heard her to be standing. + +"Do you know, you are no end of a brick," he said, with emotion. +Then he held out both hands towards her. "Put your hands in mine +just for once, little Rosemary. I want to try to thank you." + +There was a moment of hesitation. Two strong capable hands--strong +and capable, though, just then, they trembled--nearly went home to +his; but were withdrawn just in time. Jane's hour was not yet. This +was Nurse Rosemary's moment of triumph and success. It should not be +taken from her. + +"This evening," she said, softly, "after the music, we will--shake +hands. Now be careful, sir. You are stranded. Wait. Here is the +garden-cord, just to your left. Take a little air on the terrace; +and sing again the lovely song I heard under my window this morning. +And now that you know what it is that is 'going to happen,' this +exquisite May-Day evening will fill you with tender expectation. +Good-bye, sir--for an hour." + +"What has come to little Rosemary?" mused Garth, as he felt for his +cane, in its corner by the window. "We could not have gone on +indefinitely quite as we have been, since she came in from the post- +office." + +He walked on; a troubled look clouding his face: Suddenly it lifted, +and he stood still, and laughed. "Duffer!" he said. "Oh, what a +conceited duffer! She is thinking of her 'young man.' She is going +to him to-morrow; and her mind is full of him; just as mime is full +of Jane. Dear, good, clever, little Rosemary! I hope he is worthy of +her. No; that he cannot be. I hope he knows he is NOT worthy of her. +That is more to the point. I hope he will receive her as she +expects. Somehow, I hate letting her go to him. Oh, hang the +fellow!--as Tommy would say." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVI + +THE REVELATION OF THE ROSARY + + +Simpson was crossing the hall just before half-past six o'clock. He +had left his master in the library. He heard a rustle just above +him; and, looking up, saw a tall figure descending the wide oak +staircase. + +Simpson stood transfixed. The soft black evening-gown, with its +trailing folds, and old lace at the bosom, did not impress him so +much as the quiet look of certainty and power on the calm face above +them. + +"Simpson," said Jane, "my aunt, the Duchess of Meldrum, and her +maid, and her footman, and a rather large quantity of luggage, will +be arriving from Aberdeen, at about half-past seven. Mrs. Graem +knows about preparing rooms; and I have given James orders for +meeting the train with the brougham, and the luggage-cart. The +duchess dislikes motors. When her Grace arrives, you can show her +into the library. We will dine in the dining-room at a quarter past +eight. Meanwhile, Mr. Dalmain and myself are particularly engaged +just now, and must not be disturbed on any account, until the +duchess's arrival. You quite understand?" + +"Yes, miss-m'lady," stammered Simpson. He had been boot-boy in a +ducal household early in his career; and he considered duchesses' +nieces to be people before whom one should bow down. + +Jane smiled. "'Miss' is quite sufficient, Simpson," she said; and +swept towards the library. + +Garth heard her enter, and close the door; and his quick ear caught +the rustle of a train. + +"Hullo, Miss Gray," he said. "Packed your uniform?" + +"Yes," said Jane. "I told you I was packing." + +She came slowly across the room, and stood on the hearth-rug looking +down at him. He was in full evening-dress; just as at Shenstone on +that memorable night; and, as he sat well back in his deep arm- +chair, one knee crossed over the other, she saw the crimson line of +his favourite silk socks. + +Jane stood looking down upon him. Her hour had come at last. But +even now she must, for his sake, be careful and patient. + +"I did not hear the song," she said. + +"No," replied Garth. "At first, I forgot. And when I remembered, I +had been thinking of other things, and somehow--ah, Miss Gray! I +cannot sing to-night. My soul is dumb with longing." + +"I know," said Jane, gently; "and I am going to sing to you." + +A faint look of surprise crossed Garth's face. "Do you sing?" he +asked. "Then why have you not sung before?" + +"When I arrived," said Jane, "Dr. Rob asked me whether I played. I +said: 'A little.' Thereupon he concluded I sang a little, too; and +he forbade me, most peremptorily, either to play a little; or sing a +little, to you. He said he did not want you driven altogether mad." + +Garth burst out laughing. + +"How like old Robbie," he said. "And, in spite of his injunctions, +are you going to take the risk, and 'sing a little,' to me, to- +night?" + +"No," said Jane. "I take no risks. I am going to sing you one song. +Here is the purple cord, at your right hand. There is nothing +between you and the piano; and you are facing towards it. If you +want to stop me--you can come." + +She walked to the instrument, and sat down. + +Over the top of the grand piano, she could see him, leaning back in +his chair; a slightly amused smile playing about his lips. He was +evidently still enjoying the humour of Dr. Rob's prohibition. + +The Rosary has but one opening chord. She struck it; her eyes upon +his face. She saw him sit up, instantly; a look of surprise, +expectation, bewilderment, gathering there. + +Then she began to sing. The deep rich voice, low and vibrant, as the +softest tone of 'cello, thrilled into the startled silence. + + "The hours I spent with thee, dear heart, + Are as a string of pearls to me; + I count them over, ev'ry one apart, + My rosary,--my rosary. + Each hour a pearl--" + + Jane got no further. + +Garth had risen. He spoke no word; but he was coming blindly over to +the piano. She turned on the music-stool, her arms held out to +receive him. Now he had found the woodwork. His hand crashed down +upon the bass. Now he had found her. He was on his knees, his arms +around her. Hers enveloped him--, yearning, tender, hungry with the +repressed longing of all those hard weeks. + +He lifted his sightless face to hers, for one moment. "You?" he +said. "YOU? You--all the time?" + +Then he hid his face in the soft lace at her breast. + +"Oh, my boy, my darling!" said Jane, tenderly; holding the dear head +close. "Yes; I, all the time; all the time near him, in his loss and +pain. Could I have stopped away? But, oh, Garth! What it is, at last +to hold you, and touch you, and feel you here! . . . Yes, it is I. +Oh, my beloved, are you not quite sure? Who else could hold you +thus? . . . Take care, my darling! Come over to the couch, just +here; and sit beside me." + +Garth rose, and raised her, without loosing her; and she guided +herself and him to a safer seat close by. But there again he flung +himself upon his knees, and held her; his arms around her waist; his +face hidden in the shelter of her bosom. + +"Ah,--darling, darling," said Jane softly, and her hands stole up +behind his head, with a touch of unspeakable protective tenderness; +"it has been so sweet to wait upon my boy; and help him in his +darkness; and shield him from unnecessary pain; and be always there, +to meet his every need. But I could not come myself--until he knew; +and understood; and had forgiven--no, not 'forgiven'; understood, +and yet still LOVED. For he does now understand? And he does +forgive? . . . Oh, Garth! . . . Oh--hush, my darling! . . . You +frighten me! . . . No, I will never leave you; never, never! . . . +Oh, can't you understand, my beloved? . . . Then I must tell you +more plainly. Darling,--do be still, and listen. Just for a few days +we must be as we have been; only my boy will know it is I who am +near him. Aunt 'Gina is coming this evening. She will be here in +half an hour. Then, as soon as possible we will get a special +license; and we will be married, Garth; and then--" Jane paused; and +the man who knelt beside her, held his breath to listen--"and then," +continued Jane in a low tender voice, which gathered in depth of +sacred mystery, yet did not falter--"then it will be my highest joy, +to be always with my husband, night and day." + +A long sweet silence. The tempest of emotion in her arms was hushed +to rest. The eternal voice of perfect love had whispered: "Peace, be +still"; and there was a great calm. + +At last Garth lifted his head. "Always? Always together?" he said. +"Ah, that will be 'perpetual light!'" + + * * * * * * * + +When Simpson, pale with importance, flung open the library door, and +announced: "Her Grace, the Duchess of Meldrum," Jane was seated at +the piano, playing soft dreamy chords; and a slim young man, in +evening dress, advanced with eager hospitality to greet his guest. + +The duchess either did not see, or chose to ignore the guiding cord. +She took his outstretched hand warmly in both her own. + +"Goodness gracious, my dear Dal! How you surprise me! I expected to +find you blind! And here you are striding about, just your old +handsome self!" + +"Dear Duchess," said Garth, and stooping, kissed the kind old hands +still holding his; "I cannot see you, I am sorry to say; but I don't +feel very blind to-night. My darkness has been lightened by a joy +beyond expression." + +"Oh ho! So that's the way the land lies! Now which are you going to +marry? The nurse,--who, I gather, is a most respectable young +person, and highly recommended; or that hussy, Jane; who, without +the smallest compunction, orders her poor aunt from one end of the +kingdom to the other, to suit her own convenience?" + +Jane came over from the piano, and slipped her hand through her +lover's arm. + +"Dear Aunt 'Gina," she said; "you know you loved coming; because you +enjoy a mystery, and like being a dear old 'deus ex machina,' at the +right moment. And he is going to marry them both; because they both +love him far too dearly ever to leave him again; and he seems to +think he cannot do without either." + +The duchess looked at the two radiant faces; one sightless; the +other, with glad proud eyes for both; and her own filled with tears. + +"Hoity-toity!" she said. "Are we in Salt Lake City?, Well, we always +thought one girl would not do for Dal; he would need the combined +perfections of several; and he appears to think he has found them. +God bless you both, you absurdly happy people; and I will bless you, +too; but not until I have dined. Now, ring for that very nervous +person, with side-whiskers; and tell him I want my maid, and my +room, and I want to know where they have put my toucan. I had to +bring him, Jane. He is so LOVING, dear bird! I knew you would think +him in the way; but I really could not leave him behind." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVII + +"IN THE FACE OF THIS CONGREGATION" + + +The society paragraphs would have described it as "a very quiet +wedding," when Garth and Jane, a few days later, were pronounced +"man and wife together," in the little Episcopal church among the +hills. + +Perhaps, to those who were present, it stands out rather as an +unusual wedding, than as a quiet one. + +To Garth and Jane the essential thing was to be married, and left to +themselves, with as little delay as possible. They could not be +induced to pay any attention to details as to the manner in which +this desired end was to be attained. Jane left it entirely to the +doctor, in one practical though casual sentence: "Just make sure it +is valid, Dicky; and send us in the bills." + +The duchess, being a true conservative, early began mentioning +veils, orange-blossom, and white satin; but Jane said: "My dear +Aunt! Fancy me--in orange-blossom! I should look like a Christmas +pantomime. And I never wear veils, even in motors; and white satin +is a form of clothing I have always had the wisdom to avoid." + +"Then in what do you intend to be married, unnatural girl?" inquired +the duchess. + +"In whatever I happen to put on, that morning," replied Jane, +knotting the silk of a soft crimson cord she was knitting; and +glancing out of the window, to where Garth sat smoking, on the +terrace. + +"Have you a time-table?" inquired her Grace of Meldrum, with +dangerous calmness. "And can you send me to the station this +afternoon?" + +"We can always send to the station, at a moment's notice," said +Jane, working in a golden strand, and considering the effect. "But +where are you going, dear Aunt 'Gina? You know Deryck and Flower +arrive this evening." + +"I am washing my hands of you, and going South," said the duchess, +wrathfully. + +"Don't do that, dear," said Jane, placidly. "You have washed your +hands of me so often; and, like the blood of King Duncan of +Scotland, I am upon them still. 'All the perfumes of Arabia will not +sweeten this little hand.'" Then, raising her voice: "Garth, if you +want to walk, just give a call. I am here, talking over my trousseau +with Aunt 'Gina." + +"What is a trousseau?" came back in Garth's happy voice. + +"A thing you get into to be married," said Jane. + +"Then let's get into it quickly," shouted Garth, with enthusiasm. + +"Dear Aunt," said Jane, "let us make a compromise. I have some quite +nice clothes upstairs, including Redfern tailor-mades, and several +uniforms. Let your maid look through them, and whatever you select, +and she puts out in readiness on my wedding morning, I promise to +wear." + +This resulted in Jane appearing at the church in a long blue cloth +coat and skirt, handsomely embroidered with gold, and suiting her +large figure to perfection; a deep yellow vest of brocaded silk; and +old lace ruffles at neck and wrists. + +Garth was as anxious about his wedding garments, as Jane had been +indifferent over hers; but he had so often been in requisition as +best-man at town weddings, that Simpson had no difficulty in turning +him out in the acme of correct bridal attire. And very handsome he +looked, as he stood waiting at the chancel steps; not watching for +his bride; but obviously listening for her; for, as Jane came up the +church on Deryck's arm, Garth slightly turned his head and smiled. + +The duchess--resplendent in purple satin and ermine, with white +plumes in her bonnet, and many jewelled chains depending from her, +which rattled and tinkled, in the silence of the church, every time +she moved--was in a front pew on the left, ready to give her niece +away. + +In a corresponding seat, on the opposite side, as near as possible +to the bridegroom, sat Margery Graem, in black silk, with a small +quilted satin bonnet, and a white lawn kerchief folded over the +faithful old heart which had beaten in tenderness for Garth since +his babyhood. She turned her head anxiously, every time the duchess +jingled; but otherwise kept her eyes fixed on the marriage service, +in a large-print prayer-book in her lap. Margery was not used to the +Episcopal service, and she had her "doots" as to whether it could +possibly be gone through correctly, by all parties concerned. In +fact this anxiety of old Margery's increased so painfully when the +ceremony actually commenced, that it took audible form; and she +repeated all the answers of the bridal pair, in an impressive +whisper, after them. + +Dr. Rob, being the only available bachelor, did duty as best-man; +Jane having stipulated that he should not be intrusted with the +ring; her previous observations leading her to conclude that he +would most probably slip it unconsciously on to his finger, and then +search through all his own pockets and all Garth's; and begin taking +up the church matting, before it occurred to him to look at his +hand. Jane would not have minded the diversion, but she did object +to any delay. So the ring went to church in Garth's waistcoat +pocket, where it had lived since Jane brought it out from Aberdeen; +and, without any fumbling or hesitation, was quietly laid by him +upon the open book. + +Dr. Rob had charge of the fees for clerk, verger, bell-ringers, and +every person, connected with the church, who could possibly have a +tip pressed upon them. + +Garth was generous in his gladness, and eager to do all things in a +manner worthy of the great gift made fully his that day. So Dr. Rob +was well provided with the wherewithal; and this he jingled in his +pockets as soon as the exhortation commenced, and his interest in +the proceedings resulted in his fatal habit of unconsciousness of +his own actions. Thus he and the duchess kept up a tinkling duet, +each hearing the other, and not their own sounds. So the duchess +glared at Dr. Rob; and Dr. Rob frowned at the duchess; and old +Margery looked tearfully at both. + +Deryck Brand, the tallest man in the church, his fine figure showing +to advantage in the long frock coat with silk facings, which Lady +Brand had pronounced indispensable to the occasion, retired to a +seat beside his wife, just behind old Margery, as soon as he had +conducted Jane to Garth's side. As Jane removed her hand from his +arm, she turned and smiled at him; and a long look passed between +them. All the memories, all the comprehension, all the trust and +affection of years, seemed to concentrate in that look; and Lady +Brand's eyes dropped to her dainty white and gold prayer-book. She +had never known jealousy; the doctor had never given her any +possible reason for acquiring that cruel knowledge. His Flower +bloomed for him; and her fragrance alone made his continual joy. All +other lovely women were mere botanical specimens, to be examined and +classified. But Flower had never quite understood the depth of the +friendship between her husband and Jane, founded on the associations +and aspirations of childhood and early youth, and a certain +similarity of character which would not have wedded well, but which +worked out into a comradeship, providing a source of strength for +both. Of late, Flower had earnestly tried to share, even while +failing to comprehend, it. + +Perhaps she, in her pale primrose gown, with daffodils at her waist, +and sunbeams in her golden hair, was the most truly bridal figure in +the church. As the doctor turned from the bride, and sought his +place beside her in the pew, he looked at the sweet face, bent so +demurely over the prayer-book, and thought he had never seen his +wife look more entrancingly lovely. Unconsciously his hand strayed +to the white rosebud she had fastened in his coat as they strolled +round the conservatory together that morning. Flower, glancing up, +surprised his look. She did not think it right to smile in church; +but a delicate wave of colour swept over her face, and her cheek +leaned as near the doctor's shoulder, as the size of her hat would +allow. Flower felt quite certain that was a look the doctor had +never given Jane. + +The service commenced. The short-sighted clergyman, very nervous, +and rather overwhelmed by the unusual facts of a special license, a +blind bridegroom, and the reported presence of a duchess, began +reading very fast, in an undertone, which old Margery could not +follow, though her finger, imprisoned in unwonted kid, hurried along +the lines. Then conscious of his mistake, he slowed down, and became +too impressive; making long nerve-straining pauses, fled in by the +tinkling of the duchess, and the chinking in Dr. Rob's trousers- +pockets. + +Thus they arrived at the demand upon the congregation, if they could +show any just cause why these two persons might not lawfully be +joined together, NOW to speak--and the pause here was so long, and +so over-powering, that old Margery said "nay"; and then gave a +nervous sob. The bridegroom turned and smiled in the direction of +the voice; and the doctor, leaning forward, laid his hand on the +trembling shoulder, and whispered: "Steady, old friend. It is all +right." + +There was no pause whatever after the solemn charge to the couple; +so if Garth and Jane had any secrets to disclose, they had perforce +to keep them for after discussion. + +Then Jane found her right hand firmly clasped in Garth's; and no +inadequacy of the Church's mouth-piece could destroy the exquisite +beauty of the Church's words, in which Garth was asked if he would +take her to be his own. + +To this, Garth, and old Margery, said. they would; with considerable +display of emotion. + +Then the all-comprehensive question was put to Jane; the Church +seeming to remind her gently, that she took him in his blindness, +with all which that might entail. + +Jane said: "I will"; and the deep, tender voice, was the voice of +The Rosary. + +When the words were uttered, Garth lifted the hand he held, and +reverently kissed it. + +This was not in the rubric, and proved disconcerting to the +clergyman. He threw up his head suddenly, and inquired: "Who giveth +this woman to be married to this man?" And as, for the moment, there +was no response, he repeated, the question wildly; gazing into +distant corners of the church. + +Then the duchess, who up to that time had been feeling a little +bored, realised that her moment had come, and rejoiced. She sailed +out of her pew, and advanced to the chancel step. "My dear good +man," she said; "_I_ give my niece away; having come north at +considerable inconvenience for that express purpose. Now, go on. +What do we do next?" + +Dr. Rob broke into an uncontrollable chuckle. The duchess lifted her +lorgnette, and surveyed him. Margery searched her prayer-book in +vain for the duchess's response. It did not appear to be there. + +Flower looked in distressed appeal at the doctor. But the doctor was +studying, with grave intentness, a stencilled pattern on the chancel +roof; and paid no attention to Flower's nudge. + +The only people completely unconscious of anything unusual in the +order of proceedings appeared to be the bride and bridegroom. They +were taking each other "in the sight of God, and in the face of this +congregation." They were altogether absorbed in each other, standing +together in the sight of God; and the deportment of "this +congregation" was a matter they scarcely noticed. "People always +behave grotesquely at weddings," Jane had said to Garth, beforehand; +"and ours will be no exception to the general rule. But we can close +our eyes, and stand together in Sightless Land; and Deryck will take +care it is valid." + +"Not in Sightless Land, my beloved," said Garth; "but in the Land +where they need no candle neither light of the sun. However, and +wherever, I take YOU as my wife, I shall be standing on the summit +of God's heaven." + +So they stood; and in their calmness the church hushed to silence. +The service proceeded; and the minister, who had not known how to +keep them from clasping hands when the rubric did not require it, +found no difficulty in inducing them to do so again. + +So they took each other--these two, who were so deeply each other's +already--solemnly, reverently, tenderly, in the sight of God, they +took each other, according to God's holy ordinance; and the wedding +ring, type of that eternal love which has neither beginning nor +ending, passed from Garth's pocket, over the Holy Book, on to Jane's +finger. + +When it was over, she took his arm; and leaning upon it, so that he +could feel she leaned, guided him to the vestry. + +Afterwards, in the brougham, for those few precious minutes, when +husband and wife find themselves alone for the first time, Garth +turned to Jane with an eager naturalness, which thrilled her heart +as no studied speech could have done. He did not say: "My wife." +That unique moment had been theirs, three years before. + +"Dearest," he said, "how soon will they all go? How soon shall we be +quite alone? Oh, why couldn't they drive to the station from the +church?" + +Jane looked at her watch. "Because we must lunch them, dear," she +said. "Think how good they have all been. And we could not start our +married life by being inhospitable. It is just one o'clock; and we +ordered luncheon at half-past. Their train leaves the station at +half-past four. In three hours, Garth, we shall be alone." + +"Shall I be able to behave nicely for three hours?" exclaimed Garth, +boyishly. + +"You must," said Jane, "or I shall fetch Nurse Rosemary." + +"Oh hush!" he said. "All that is too precious, to-day, for chaff. +Jane"--he turned suddenly, and laid his hand on hers--"Jane! Do you +understand that you are now--actually--my wife?" + +Jane took his hand, and held it against her heart, just where she so +often had pressed her own, when she feared he would hear it +throbbing. + +"My darling," she said, "I do not understand it. But I know--ah, +thank God!--I know it to be true." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVIII + +PERPETUAL LIGHT + + +Moonlight on the terrace--silvery, white, serene. Garth and Jane had +stepped out into the brightness; and, finding the night so warm and +still, and the nightingales filling the woods and hills with soft- +throated music, they moved their usual fireside chairs close to the +parapet, and sat there in restful comfort, listening to the sweet +sounds of the quiet night. + +The solitude was so perfect; the restfulness so complete. Garth had +removed the cushion seat from his chair, and placed it on the +gravel; and sat at his wife's feet leaning against her knees. She +stroked his hair and brow softly, as they talked; and every now and +then he put up his hand, drew hers to his lips, and kissed the ring +he had never seen. + +Long tender silences fell between them. Now that they were at last +alone, thoughts too deep, joys too sacred for words, trembled about +them; and silence seemed to express more than speech. Only, Garth +could not bear Jane to be for a moment out of reach of his hand. +What to another would have been: "I cannot let her out of my sight," +was, to him, "I cannot let her be beyond my touch." And Jane fully +understood this; and let him feel her every moment within reach. And +the bliss of this was hers as well as his; for sometimes it had +seemed to her as if the hunger in her heart, caused by those long +weeks of waiting, when her arms ached for him, and yet she dared not +even touch his hand, would never be appeased. + +"sweet, sweet, sweet--thrill," sang a nightingale in the wood. And +Garth whistled an exact imitation. + +"Oh, darling," said Jane, "that reminds me; there is something I do +so want you to sing to me. I don't know what it is; but I think you +will remember. It was on that Monday evening, after I had seen the +pictures, and Nurse Rosemary had described them to you. Both our +poor hearts were on the rack; and I went up early in order to begin +my letter of confession; but you told Simpson not to come for you +until eleven. While I was writing in the room above, I could hear +you playing in the library. You played many things I knew--music we +had done together, long ago. And then a theme I had never heard +crept in, and caught my ear at once, because it was quite new to me, +and so marvellously sweet. I put down my pen and listened. You +played it several times, with slight variations, as if trying to +recall it. And then, to my joy, you began to sing. I crossed the +room; softly opened my window, and leaned out. I could hear some of +the words; but not all. Two lines, however, reached me distinctly, +with such penetrating, tender sadness, that I laid my head against +the window-frame, feeling as if I could write no more, and wait no +longer, but must go straight to you at once." + +Garth drew down the dear hand which had held the pen that night; +turned it over, and softly kissed the palm. + +"What were they, Jane?" he said. + + "'Lead us, O Christ, when all is gone, + Safe home at last.'" + +"And oh, my darling, the pathos of those words, 'when all is gone'! +Whoever wrote that music, had been through suffering such as ours. +Then came a theme of such inspiring hopefulness and joy, that I +arose, armed with fresh courage; took up my pen, and went on with my +letter. Again two lines had reached me:" + + "'Where Thou, Eternal Light of Light, + Art Lord of All.'" + +"What is it, Garth? And whose? And where did you hear it? And will +you sing it to me now, darling? I have a sudden wish that you should +sing it, here and now; and I can't wait!" + +Garth sat up, and laughed--a short happy laugh, in which all sorts +of emotions were mingled. + +"Jane! I like to hear you say you can't wait. It isn't like you; +because you are so strong and patient. And yet it is so deliciously +like you, if you FEEL it, to SAY it. I found the words in the +Anthem-book at Worcester Cathedral, this time last year, at even- +song. I copied them into my pocket-book, during the reading of the +first lesson, I am ashamed to say; but it was all about what Balak +said unto Balaam, and Balaam said unto Balak,--so I hope I may be +forgiven! They seemed to me some of the most beautiful words I had +ever read; and, fortunately, I committed them to memory. Of course, +I will sing them to you, if you wish, here and now. But I am afraid +the air will sound rather poor without the accompaniment. However, +not for worlds would I move from here, at this moment." + +So sitting up; in the moonlight, with his back to Jane, his face +uplifted, and his hands clasped around one knee, Garth sang. Much +practice had added greatly to the sweetness and flexibility of his +voice; and he rendered perfectly the exquisite melody to which the +words were set. + +Jane listened with an overflowing heart. + + "The radiant morn hath passed away, + And spent too soon her golden store; + The shadows of departing day + Creep on once more. + "Our life is but a fading dawn, + Its glorious noon, how quickly past! + Lead us, O Christ, when all is gone, + Safe home at last. + "Where saints are clothed in spotless white, + And evening shadows never fall; + where Thou, Eternal Light of Light, + Art Lord of All." + +The triumphant worship of the last line rang out into the night, and +died away. Garth loosed his hands, and leaned back, with a sigh of +vast content, against his wife's knees. + +"Beautiful!" she said. "Beautiful! Garthie--perhaps it is because +YOU sang it; and to-night;--but it seems to me the most beautiful +thing I ever heard. Ah, and how appropriate for us; on this day, of +all days." + +"Oh, I don't know," said Garth, stretching his legs in front of him, +and crossing his feet the one over the other. "I certainly feel +'Safe home at last'--not because 'all is gone'; but because I HAVE +all, in having you, Jane." + +Jane bent, and laid her cheek upon his head. "My own boy," she said, +"you have all I have to give--all, ALL. But, darling, in those dark +days which are past, all seemed gone, for us both. 'Lead us, O +Christ'--It was He who led us safely through the darkness, and has +brought us to this. And Garth, I love to know that He is Lord of +All--Lord of our joy; Lord of our love; Lord of our lives--our +wedded lives, my husband. We could not be so safely, so blissfully, +each other's, were we not ONE, IN HIM. Is this true for you also, +Garth?" + +Garth felt for her left hand, drew it down, and laid his cheek +against it; then gently twisted the wedding ring that he might kiss +it all round. + +"Yes, my wife," he said. "I thank God, that I can say in all things: +'Thou, Eternal Light of Light, art Lord of All.'" + +A long sweet silence. Then Jane said, suddenly: "Oh, but the music, +Garthie! That exquisite setting. Whose is it? And where did you hear +it?" + +Garth laughed again; a laugh of half-shy pleasure. + +"I am glad you like it, Jane," he said, "because I must plead guilty +to the fact that it is my own. You see, I knew no music for it; the +Anthem-book gave the words only. And on that awful night, when +little Rosemary had mercilessly rubbed it in, about 'the lady +portrayed'; and what her love MUST have been, and WOULD have been, +and COULD have been; and had made me SEE 'The Wife' again, and 'The- +-' the other picture; I felt so bruised, and sore, and lonely. And +then those words came to my mind: 'Lead us, O Christ, when all is +gone, safe home at last.' All seemed gone indeed; and there seemed +no home to hope for, in this world." He raised himself a little, and +then leaned back again; so that his head rested against her bosom. +"Safe home at last," he said, and stayed quite still for a moment, +in utter content. Then remembered what he was telling her, and went +on eagerly. + +"So those words came back to me; and to get away from despairing +thoughts, I began reciting them, to an accompaniment of chords." + + "'The radiant morn hath passed away, + And spent too soon her golden store; + The shadows of departing day--'" + +"And then--suddenly, Jane--I SAW it, pictured in sound! Just as I +used to SEE a sunset, in light and shadow, and then transfer it to +my canvas in shade and colour,-so I heard a SUNSET in harmony, and I +felt the same kind of tingle in my fingers as I used to feel when +inspiration came, and I could catch up my brushes and palette. So I +played the sunset. And then I got the theme for life fading, and +what one feels when the glorious noon is suddenly plunged into +darkness; and then the prayer. And then, I HEARD a vision of heaven, +where evening shadows never fall: And after that came the end; just +certainty, and worship, and peace. You see the eventual theme, +worked out of all this. It was like making studies for a picture. +That was why you heard it over and over. I wasn't trying to +remember. I was gathering it into final form. I am awfully glad you +like it, Jane; because if I show you how the harmonies go, perhaps +you could write it down. And it would mean such a lot to me, if you +thought it worth singing. I could play the accompaniment--Hullo! Is +it beginning to rain? I felt a drop on my cheek, and another on my +hand." + +No answer. Then he felt the heave, with which Jane caught her +breath; and realised that she was weeping. + +In a moment he was on his knees in front of her. "Jane! Why, what is +the matter; Sweet? What on earth--? Have I said anything to trouble +you? Jane, what is it? O God, why can't I see her!" + +Jane mastered her emotion; controlling her voice, with an immense +effort. Then drew him down beside her. + +"Hush, darling, hush! It is only a great joy--a wonderful surprise. +Lean against me again, and I will try to tell you. Do you know that +you have composed some of the most beautiful music in the world? Do +you know, my own boy, that not only your proud and happy wife, but +ALL women who can sing, will want to sing your music? Garthie, do +you realise what it means? The creative faculty is so strong in you, +that when one outlet was denied it, it burst forth through another. +When you had your sight, you created by the hand and EYE. Now, you +will create by the hand and EAR. The power is the same. It merely +works through another channel. But oh, think what it means! Think! +The world lies before you once more!" + +Garth laughed, and put up his hand to the dear face, still wet with +thankful tears. + +"Oh, bother the world!" he said. "I don't want the world. I only +want my wife." + +Jane put her arms around him. Ah, what a boy he was in some ways! +How full of light-hearted, irrepressible, essential youth. Just then +she felt so much older than he; but how little that mattered. The +better could she wrap him round with the greatness of her +tenderness; shield him from every jar or disillusion; and help him +to make the most of his great gifts. + +"I know, darling," she said. "And you have her. She is just ALL +YOURS. But think of the wonderful future. Thank God, I know enough +of the technical part, to write the scores of your compositions. +And, Garth,--fancy going together to noble cathedrals, and hearing +your anthems sung; and to concerts where the most perfect voices in +the world will be doing their utmost adequately to render your +songs. Fancy thrilling hearts with pure harmony, stirring souls with +tone-pictures; just as before you used to awaken in us all, by your +wonderful paintings, an appreciation and comprehension of beauty." + +Garth raised his head. "Is it really as good as that, Jane?" he +said. + +"Dear," answered Jane, earnestly, "I can only tell you, that when +you sang it first, and I had not the faintest idea it was yours, I +said to myself: 'It is the most beautiful thing I ever heard.'" + +"I am glad," said Garth, simply. "And now, let's talk of something +else. Oh, I say, Jane! The present is too wonderful, to leave any +possible room for thoughts about the future. Do talk about the +present." + +Jane smiled; and it was the smile of "The Wife"--mysterious; +compassionate; tender; self-surrendering. She leaned over him, and +rested her cheek upon his head. + +"Yes, darling. We will talk of this very moment, if you wish. You +begin." + +"Look at the house, and describe it to me, as you see it in the +moonlight." + +"Very grey, and calm, and restful-looking. And so home-like, +Garthie." + +"Are there lights in the windows?" + +"Yes. The library lights are just as we left them. The French window +is standing wide open. The pedestal lamp, under a crimson silk +shade, looks very pretty from here, shedding a warm glow over the +interior. Then, I can see one candle in the dining-room. I think +Simpson is putting away silver." + +"Any others, Jane?" + +"Yes, darling. There is a light in the Oriel chamber. I can see +Margery moving to and fro. She seems to be arranging my things, and +giving final touches. There is also a light in your room, next door. +Ah, now she has gone through. I see her standing and looking round +to make sure all is right. Dear faithful old heart! Garth, how sweet +it is to be at home to-day; served and tended by those who really +love us." + +"I am so glad you feel that," said Garth. "I half feared you might +regret not having an ordinary honeymoon--And yet, no! I wasn't +really afraid of that, or of anything. Just, together at last, was +all we wanted. Wasn't it, my wife?" + +"All." + +A clock in the house struck nine. + +"Dear old clock," said Garth, softly. "I used to hear it strike +nine, when I was a little chap in my crib, trying to keep awake +until my mother rustled past; and went into her room. The door +between her room and mine used to stand ajar, and I could see her +candle appear in a long streak upon my ceiling. When I saw that +streak, I fell asleep immediately. It was such a comfort to know she +was there; and would not go down again. Jane, do you like the Oriel +chamber?" + +"Yes, dear. It is a lovely room; and very sacred because it was +hers. Do you know, Aunt Georgina insisted upon seeing it, Garth; and +said it ought to be whitened and papered. But I would not hear of +that; because the beautiful old ceiling is hand-painted, and so are +the walls; and I was certain you had loved those paintings, as a +little boy; and would remember them now." + +"Ah, yes," said Garth, eagerly. "A French artist stayed here, and +did them. Water and rushes, and the most lovely flamingoes; those on +the walls standing with their feet in the water; and those on the +ceiling, flying with wings outspread, into a pale green sky, all +over white billowy clouds. Jane, I believe I could walk round that +room, blindfold--no! I mean, as I am now; and point out the exact +spot where each flamingo stands." + +"You shall," said Jane, tenderly. These slips when he talked, +momentarily forgetting his blindness, always wrung her heart. "By +degrees you must tell me all the things you specially did and loved, +as a little boy. I like to know them. Had you always that room, next +door to your mother's?" + +"Ever since I can remember," said Garth. "And the door between was +always open. After my mother's death, I kept it locked. But the +night before my birthday, I used to open it; and when I woke early +and saw it ajar, I would spring up, and go quickly in; and it seemed +as if her dear presence was there to greet me, just on that one +morning. But I had to go quickly, and immediately I wakened; just as +you must go out early to catch the rosy glow of sunrise on the +fleeting clouds; or to see the gossamer webs on the gorse, outlined +in diamonds, by the sparkling summer dew. But, somehow, Margery +found out about it; and the third year there was a sheet of writing- +paper firmly stuck to the pincushion by a large black-headed pin, +saying, in Margery's careful caligraphy: 'Many happy returns of the +day, Master Garthie.' It was very touching, because it was meant to +be so comforting and tactful. But it destroyed the illusion! Since +then the door has been kept closed." + +Another long sweet silence. Two nightingales, in distant trees, sang +alternately; answering one another in liquid streams of melody. + +Again Garth turned the wedding ring; then spoke, with his lips +against it. + +"You said Margery had 'gone through.' Is it open to-night?" he +asked. + +Jane clasped both hands behind his head--strong, capable hands, +though now they trembled a little--and pressed his face against her, +as she had done on the terrace at Shenstone, three years before. + +"Yes, my own boy," she said; "it is." + +"Jane! Oh, Jane--" He released himself from the pressure of those +restraining hands, and lifted his adoring face to hers. + +Then, suddenly, Jane broke down. "Ah, darling," she said, "take me +away from this horrible white moonlight! I cannot bear it. It +reminds me of Shenstone. It reminds me of the wrong I did you. It +seems a separating thing between you and me--this cruel brightness +which you cannot share." + +Her tears fell on his upturned fate. + +Then Garth sprang to his feet. The sense of manhood and mastery; the +right of control, the joy of possession, arose within him. Even in +his blindness, he was the stronger. Even in his helplessness, for +the great essentials, Jane must lean on him. He raised her gently, +put his arms about her, and stood there, glorified by his great +love. + +"Hush, sweetest wife," he said. "Neither light nor darkness can +separate between you and me: This quiet moonlight cannot take you +from me; but in the still, sweet darkness you will feel more +completely my own, because it will hold nothing we cannot share. +Come with me to the library, and we will send away the lamps, and +close the curtains; and you shall sit on the couch near the piano, +where you sat, on that wonderful evening when I found you, and when +I almost frightened my brave Jane. But she will not be frightened +now, because she is so my own; and I may say what I like; and do +what I will; and she must not threaten me with Nurse Rosemary; +because it is Jane I want--Jane, Jane; just ONLY Jane! Come in, +beloved; and I, who see as clearly in the dark as in the light, will +sit and play THE ROSARY for you; and then Veni, Creator Spiritus; +and I will sing you the verse which has been the secret source of +peace, and the sustaining power of my whole inner life, through the +long, hard years, apart." + +"Now," whispered Jane. "Now, as we go." + +So Garth drew her hand through his arm; and, as they walked, sang +softly: + + "Enable with perpetual light, + The dulness of our blinded sight; + Anoint and cheer our soiled face + With the abundance of Thy grace. + Keep far our foes; give peace at home; + Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come." + +Thus, leaning on her husband; yet guiding him as she leaned; Jane +passed to the perfect happiness of her wedded home. + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg Etext of The Rosary, by Florence L. Barclay diff --git a/old/rosry10.zip b/old/rosry10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e4d13ee --- /dev/null +++ b/old/rosry10.zip diff --git a/old/rosry11.txt b/old/rosry11.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..deb4e74 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/rosry11.txt @@ -0,0 +1,12362 @@ +The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Rosary, by Florence L. 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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.06/12/01*END* +[Portions of this header are copyright (C) 2001 by Michael S. Hart +and may be reprinted only when these Etexts are free of all fees.] +[Project Gutenberg is a TradeMark and may not be used in any sales +of Project Gutenberg Etexts or other materials be they hardware or +software or any other related product without express permission.] + + + + + +This etext was produced by Charles Franks and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + +The Rosary + +BY + +Florence L. Barclay + + + + +CONTENTS + +CHAPTER + + I ENTER--THE DUCHESS + II INTRODUCES THE HONOURABLE JANE + III THE SURPRISE PACKET + IV JANE VOLUNTEERS + V CONFIDENCES + VI THE VEIL IS LIFTED + VII GARTH FINDS HIS ROSARY + VIII ADDED PEARLS + IX LADY INGLEBY'S HOUSE PARTY + X THE REVELATION + XI GARTH FINDS THE CROSS + XII THE DOCTOR'S PRESCRIPTION + XIII THE ANSWER OF THE SPHINX + XIV IN DERYCK'S SAFE CONTROL + XV THE CONSULTATION + XVI THE DOCTOR FINDS A WAY + XVII ENTER--NURSE ROSEMARY + XVIII THE NAPOLEON OF THE MOORS + XIX THE VOICE IN THE DARKNESS. + XX JANE REPORTS PROGRESS + XXI HARD ON THE SECRETARY + XXII DR. ROB TO THE RESCUE + XXIII THE ONLY WAY + XXIV THE MAN'S POINT OF VIEW + XXV THE DOCTOR's DIAGNOSIS + XXVI HEARTS MEET IN SIGHTLESS LAND + XXVII THE EYES GARTH TRUSTED + XXVIII IN THE STUDIO + XXIX JANE LOOKS INTO LOVES MIRROR + XXX "THE LADY PORTRAYED" + XXXI IN LIGHTER VEIN + XXXII AN INTERLUDE + XXXIII "SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN!" + XXXIV "LOVE NEVER FAILETH" + XXXV NURSE ROSEMARY HAS HER REWARD + XXXVI THE REVELATION OF THE ROSARY + XXXVII "IN THE FACE OF THIS CONGREGATION" +XXXVIII PERPETUAL LIGHT + + + + +THE ROSARY + + + + +CHAPTER I + +ENTER THE DUCHESS. + + +The peaceful stillness of an English summer afternoon brooded over +the park and gardens at Overdene. A hush of moving sunlight and +lengthening shadows lay upon the lawn, and a promise of refreshing +coolness made the shade of the great cedar tree a place to be +desired. + +The old stone house, solid, substantial, and unadorned, suggested +unlimited spaciousness and comfort within; and was redeemed from +positive ugliness without, by the fine ivy, magnolia trees, and +wistaria, of many years' growth, climbing its plain face, and now +covering it with a mantle of soft green, large white blooms, and a +cascade of purple blossom. + +A terrace ran the full length of the house, bounded at one end by a +large conservatory, at the other by an aviary. Wide stone steps, at +intervals, led down from the terrace on to the soft springy turf of +the lawn. Beyond--the wide park; clumps of old trees, haunted by shy +brown deer; and, through the trees, fitful gleams of the river, a +narrow silver ribbon, winding gracefully in and out between long +grass, buttercups, and cow-daisies. + +The sun-dial pointed to four o'clock. + +The birds were having their hour of silence. Not a trill sounded +from among the softly moving leaves, not a chirp, not a twitter. The +stillness seemed almost oppressive. The one brilliant spot of colour +in the landscape was a large scarlet macaw, asleep on his stand +under the cedar. + +At last came the sound of an opening door. A quaint old figure +stepped out on to the terrace, walked its entire length to the +right, and disappeared into the rose-garden. The Duchess of Meldrum +had gone to cut her roses. + +She wore an ancient straw hat, of the early-Victorian shape known as +"mushroom," tied with black ribbons beneath her portly chin; a loose +brown holland coat; a very short tweed skirt, and Engadine +"gouties." She had on some very old gauntlet gloves, and carried a +wooden basket and a huge pair of scissors. + +A wag had once remarked that if you met her Grace of Meldrum +returning from gardening or feeding her poultry, and were in a +charitable frame of mind, you would very likely give her sixpence. +But, after you had thus drawn her attention to yourself and she +looked at you, Sir Walter Raleigh's cloak would not be in it! Your +one possible course would be to collapse into the mud, and let the +ducal "gouties" trample on you. This the duchess would do with +gusto; then accept your apologies with good nature; and keep your +sixpence, to show when she told the story. + +The duchess lived alone; that is to say, she had no desire for the +perpetual companionship of any of her own kith and kin, nor for the +constant smiles and flattery of a paid companion. Her pale daughter, +whom she had systematically snubbed, had married; her handsome son, +whom she had adored and spoiled, had prematurely died, before the +death, a few years since, of Thomas, fifth Duke of Meldrum. He had +come to a sudden and, as the duchess often remarked, very suitable +end; for, on his sixty-second birthday, clad in all the splendours +of his hunting scarlet, top hat, and buff corduroy breeches, the +mare he was mercilessly putting at an impossible fence suddenly +refused, and Thomas, Duke of Meldrum, shot into a field of turnips; +pitched upon his head, and spoke no more. + +This sudden cessation of his noisy and fiery life meant a complete +transformation in the entourage of the duchess. Hitherto she had had +to tolerate the boon companions, congenial to himself, with whom he +chose to fill the house; or to invite those of her own friends to +whom she could explain Thomas, and who suffered Thomas gladly, out +of friendship for her, and enjoyment of lovely Overdene. But even +then the duchess had no pleasure in her parties; for, quaint rough +diamond though she herself might appear, the bluest of blue blood +ran in her veins; and, though her manner had the off-hand abruptness +and disregard of other people's feelings not unfrequently found in +old ladies of high rank, she was at heart a true gentlewoman, and +could always be trusted to say and do the right thing in moments of +importance: The late duke's language had been sulphurous and his +manners Georgian; and when he had been laid in the unwonted quiet of +his ancestral vault--"so unlike him, poor dear," as the duchess +remarked, "that it is quite a comfort to know he is not really +there"--her Grace looked around her, and began to realise the +beauties and possibilities of Overdene. + +At first she contented herself with gardening, making an aviary, and +surrounding herself with all sorts of queer birds and beasts; upon +whom she lavished the affection which, of late years, had known no +human outlet. + +But after a while her natural inclination to hospitality, her +humorous enjoyment of other people's foibles, and a quaint delight +in parading her own, led to constant succession of house-parties at +Overdene, which soon became known as a Liberty Hall of varied +delights where you always met the people you most wanted to meet, +found every facility for enjoying your favourite pastime, were fed +and housed in perfect style, and spent some of the most ideal days +of your summer, or cheery days of your winter, never dull, never +bored, free to come and go as you pleased, and everything seasoned +everybody with the delightful "sauce piquante" of never being quite +sure what the duchess would do or say next. + +She mentally arranged her parties under three heads--"freak +parties," "mere people parties," and "best parties." A "best party" +was in progress on the lovely June day when the duchess, having +enjoyed an unusually long siesta, donned what she called her "garden +togs" and sallied forth to cut roses. + +As she tramped along the terrace and passed through the little iron +gate leading to the rose-garden, Tommy, the scarlet macaw, opened +one eye and watched her; gave a loud kiss as she reached the gate +and disappeared from view, then laughed to himself and went to sleep +again. + +Of all the many pets, Tommy was prime favourite. He represented the +duchess's one concession to morbid sentiment. After the demise of +the duke she had found it so depressing to be invariably addressed +with suave deference by every male voice she heard. If the butler +could have snorted, or the rector have rapped out an uncomplimentary +adjective, the duchess would have felt cheered. As it was, a fixed +and settled melancholy lay upon her spirit until she saw in a +dealer's list an advertisement of a prize macaw, warranted a grand +talker, with a vocabulary of over five hundred words. + +The duchess went immediately to town, paid a visit to the dealer, +heard a few of the macaw's words and the tone in which he said them, +bought him on the spot, and took him down to Overdene. The first +evening he sat crossly on the perch of his grand new stand, +declining to say a single one of his five hundred words, though the +duchess spent her evening in the hall, sitting in every possible +place; first close to him; then, away in a distant corner; in an +arm-chair placed behind a screen; reading, with her back turned, +feigning not to notice him; facing him with concentrated attention. +Tommy merely clicked his tongue at her every time she emerged from a +hiding-place; or, if the rather worried butler or nervous under- +footman passed hurriedly through the hall, sent showers of kisses +after them, and then went into fits of ventriloquial laughter. The +duchess, in despair, even tried reminding him in a whisper of the +remarks he had made in the shop; but Tommy only winked at her and +put his claw over his beak. Still, she enjoyed his flushed and +scarlet appearance, and retired to rest hopeful and in no wise +regretting her bargain. + +The next morning it became instantly evident to the house-maid who +swept the hall, the footman who sorted the letters, and the butler +who sounded the breakfast gong, that a good night's rest had +restored to Tommy the full use of his vocabulary. And when the +duchess came sailing down the stairs, ten minutes after the gong had +sounded, and Tommy, flapping his wings angrily, shrieked at her: +"Now then, old girl! Come on!" she went to breakfast in a more +cheerful mood than she had known for months past. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +INTRODUCES THE HONOURABLE JANE + + +The only one of her relatives who practically made her home with the +duchess was her niece and former ward, the Honourable Jane Champion; +and this consisted merely in the fact that the Honourable Jane was +the one person who might invite herself to Overdene or Portland +Place, arrive when she chose, stay as long as she pleased, and leave +when it suited her convenience. On the death of her father, when her +lonely girlhood in her Norfolk home came to an end, she would gladly +have filled the place of a daughter to the duchess. But the duchess +did not require a daughter; and a daughter with pronounced views, +plenty of back-bone of her own, a fine figure, and a plain face, +would have seemed to her Grace of Meldrum a peculiarly undesirable +acquisition. So Jane was given to understand that she might come +whenever she liked, and stay as long as she liked, but on the same +footing as other people. This meant liberty to come and go as she +pleased; and no responsibility towards her aunt's guests. The +duchess preferred managing her own parties in her oven way. + +Jane Champion was now in her thirtieth year. She had once been +described, by one who saw below the surface, as a perfectly +beautiful woman in an absolutely plain shell; and no man had as yet +looked beneath the shell, and seen the woman in her perfection. She +would have made earth heaven for a blind lover who, not having eyes +for the plainness of her face or the massiveness of her figure, +might have drawn nearer, and apprehended the wonder of her as a +woman, experiencing the wealth of tenderness of which she was +capable, the blessed comfort of the shelter of her love, the perfect +comprehension of her sympathy, the marvellous joy of winning and +wedding her. But as yet, no blind man with far-seeing vision had +come her way; and it always seemed to be her lot to take a second +place, on occasions when she would have filled the first to infinite +perfection. + +She had been bridesmaid at weddings where the charming brides, +notwithstanding their superficial loveliness, possessed few of the +qualifications for wifehood with which she was so richly endowed. + +She was godmother to her friends' babies, she, whose motherhood +would have been a thing for wonder and worship. + +She had a glorious voice, but her face not matching it, its +existence was rarely suspected; and as she accompanied to +perfection, she was usually in requisition to play for the singing +of others. + +In short, all her life long Jane had filled second places, and +filled them very contentedly. She had never known what it was to be +absolutely first with any one. Her mother's death had occurred +during her infancy, so that she had not even the most shadowy +remembrance of that maternal love and tenderness which she used +sometimes to try to imagine, although she had never experienced it. + +Her mother's maid, a faithful and devoted woman, dismissed soon +after the death of her mistress, chancing to be in the neighbourhood +some twelve years later, called at the manor, in the hope of finding +some in the household who remembered her. + +After tea, Fraulein and Miss Jebb being out of the way, she was +spirited up into the schoolroom to see Miss Jane, her heart full of +memories of the "sweet babe" upon whom she and her dear lady had +lavished so much love and care. + +She found awaiting her a tall, plain girl with a frank, boyish +manner and a rather disconcerting way as she afterwards remarked, of +"taking stock of a body the while one was a-talking," which at first +checked the flow of good Sarah's reminiscences, poured forth so +freely in the housekeeper's room below, and reduced her to looking +tearfully around the room, remarking that she remembered choosing +the blessed wall-paper with her dear lady now gone, whose joy had +been so great when the dear babe first took notice and reached up +for the roses. "And I can show you, miss, if you care to know it +just which bunch of roses it were." + +But before Sarah's visit was over, Jane had heard many undreamed-of- +things; amongst others, that her mother used to kiss her little +hands, "ah, many a time she, did, miss; called them little rose- +petals, and covered them with kisses." + +The child, utterly unused to any demonstrations of affection, looked +at her rather ungainly brown hands and laughed, simply because she +was ashamed of the unwonted tightening at her throat and the queer +stinging of tears beneath her eyelids. Thus Sarah departed under the +impression that Miss Jane had grown up into a rather a heartless +young lady. But Fraulein and Jebbie never knew why, from that day +onward, the hands, of which they had so often had cause to complain, +were kept scrupulously clean; and on her birthday night, unashamed +in the quiet darkness, the lonely little child kissed her own hands +beneath the bedclothes, striving thus to reach the tenderness of her +dead mother's lips. + +And in after years, when she became her own mistress, one of her +first actions was to advertise for Sarah Matthews and engage her as +her own maid, at a salary which enabled the good woman eventually to +buy herself a comfortable annuity. + +Jane saw but little of her father, who had found it difficult to +forgive her, firstly, for being a girl when he desired a son; +secondly, being a girl, for having inherited his plainness rather +than her mother's beauty. Parents are apt to see no injustice in the +fact that they are often annoyed with their offspring for possessing +attributes, both of character and appearance, with which they +themselves have endowed them. + +The hero of Jane's childhood, the chum of her girlhood and the close +friend of her maturer years, was Deryck Brand, only son of the +rector of the parish, and her senior by nearly ten years. But even +in their friendship, close though it was, she had never felt herself +first to him. As a medical student, at home during vacations, his +mother and his profession took precedence in his mind of the lonely +child, whose devotion pleased him and whose strong character and +original mental development interested him. Later on he married a +lovely girl, as unlike Jane as one woman could possibly be to +another; but still their friendship held and deepened; and now, when +he was rapidly advancing to the very front rank of his profession, +her appreciation of his work, and sympathetic understanding of his +aims and efforts, meant more to him than even the signal mark of +royal favour, of which he had lately been the recipient. + +Jane Champion had no close friends amongst the women of her set. Her +lonely girlhood had bred in her an absolute frankness towards +herself and other people which made it difficult for her to +understand or tolerate the little artificialities of society, or the +trivial weaknesses of her own sex. Women to whom she had shown +special kindness--and they were many--maintained an attitude of +grateful admiration in her presence, and of cowardly silence in her +absence when she chanced to be under discussion. + +But of men friends she had many, especially among a set of young +fellows just through college, of whom she made particular chums; +nice lads, who wrote to her of their college and mess-room scrapes, +as they would never have dreamed of doing to their own mothers. She +knew perfectly well that they called her "old Jane" and "pretty +Jane" and "dearest Jane" amongst themselves, but she believed in the +harmlessness of their fun and the genuineness of their affection, +and gave them a generous amount of her own in return. + +Jane Champion happened just now to be paying one of her long visits +to Overdene, and was playing golf with a boy for whom she had long +had a rod in pickle on this summer afternoon when the duchess went +to cut blooms in her rose-garden. Only, as Jane found out, you +cannot decorously lead up to a scolding if you are very keen on +golf, and go golfing with a person who is equally enthusiastic, and +who all the way to the links explains exactly how he played every +hole the last time he went round, and all the way back gloats over, +in retrospection, the way you and he have played every hole this +time. + +So Jane considered her afternoon, didactically, a failure. But, in +the smoking-room that night, young Cathcart explained the game all +over again to a few choice spirits, and then remarked: "Old Jane was +superb! Fancy! Such a drive as that, and doing number seven in three +and not talking about it! I've jolly well made up my mind to send no +more bouquets to Tou-Tou. Hang it, boys! You can't see yourself at +champagne suppers with a dancing-woman, when you've walked round the +links, on a day like this, with the Honourable Jane. She drives like +a rifle shot, and when she lofts, you'd think the ball was a +swallow; and beat me three holes up and never mentioned it. By Jove, +a fellow wants to have a clean bill when he shakes hands with her!" + + + + +CHAPTER III + +THE SURPRISE PACKET + + +The sun-dial pointed to half past four o'clock. The hour of silence +appeared to be over. The birds commenced twittering; and a cuckoo, +in an adjacent wood, sounded his note at intervals. + +The house awoke to sudden life. There was an opening and shutting of +doors. Two footmen, in the mulberry and silver of the Meldrum +livery, hurried down from the terrace, carrying folding tea-tables, +with which they supplemented those of rustic oak standing +permanently under the cedar. One, promptly returned to the house; +while the other remained behind, spreading snowy cloths over each +table. + + + +The macaw awoke, stretched his wings and flapped them twice, then +sidled up and down his perch, concentrating his attention upon the +footman. + +"Mind!" he exclaimed suddenly, in the butler's voice, as a cloth, +flung on too hurriedly, fluttered to the grass. + +"Hold your jaw!" said the young footman irritably, flicking the bird +with the table-cloth, and then glancing furtively at the rose- +garden. + +"Tommy wants a gooseberry!" shrieked the macaw, dodging the table- +cloth and hanging, head downwards, from his perch. + +"Don't you wish you may get it?" said the footman viciously. + +"Give it him, somebody," remarked Tommy, in the duchess's voice. + +The footman started, and looked over his shoulder; then hurriedly +told Tommy just what he thought of him, and where he wished him; +cuffed him soundly, and returned to the house, followed by peals of +laughter, mingled with exhortations and imprecations from the angry +bird, who danced up and down on his perch until his enemy had +vanished from view. + +A few minutes later the tables were spread with the large variety of +eatables considered necessary at an English afternoon tea; the +massive silver urn and teapots gleamed on the buffet-table, behind +which the old butler presided; muffins, crumpets, cakes, and every +kind of sandwich supplemented the dainty little rolled slices of +white and brown bread-and-butter, while heaped-up bowls of freshly +gathered strawberries lent a touch of colour to the artistic effect +of white and silver. When all was ready, the butler raised his hand +and sounded an old Chinese gong hanging in the cedar tree. Before +the penetrating boom had died away, voices were heard in the +distance from all over the grounds. + +Up from the river, down from the tennis courts, out from house and +garden, came the duchess's guests, rejoicing in the refreshing +prospect of tea, hurrying to the welcome shade of the cedar;-- +charming women in white, carefully guarding their complexions +beneath shady hats and picturesque parasols;--delightful girls, who +had long ago sacrificed complexions to comfort, and now walked +across the lawn bareheaded, swinging their rackets and discussing +the last hard-fought set; men in flannels, sunburned and handsome, +joining in the talk and laughter; praising their partners, while +remaining unobtrusively silent as to their own achievements. + +They made a picturesque group as they gathered under the tree, +subsiding with immense satisfaction into the low wicker chairs, or +on to the soft turf, and helping themselves to what they pleased. +When all were supplied with tea, coffee, or iced drinks, to their +liking, conversation flowed again. + +"So the duchess's concert comes off to-night," remarked some one. "I +wish to goodness they would hang this tree with Chinese lanterns +and, have it out here. It is too hot to face a crowded function +indoors." + +"Oh, that's all right," said Garth Dalmain, "I'm stage-manager, you +know; and I can promise you that all the long windows opening on to +the terrace shall stand wide. So no one need be in the concert-room, +who prefers to stop outside. There will be a row of lounge chairs +placed on the terrace near the windows. You won't see much; but you +will hear, perfectly." + +"Ah, but half the fun is in seeing," exclaimed one of the tennis +girls. "People who have remained on the terrace will miss all the +point of it afterwards when the dear duchess shows us how everybody +did it. I don't care how hot it is. Book me a seat in the front +row!" + +"Who is the surprise packet to-night?" asked Lady Ingleby, who had +arrived since luncheon. + +"Velma," said Mary Strathern. "She is coming for the week-end, and +delightful it will be to have her. No one but the duchess could have +worked it, and no place but Overdene would have tempted her. She +will sing only one song at the concert; but she is sure to break +forth later on, and give us plenty. We will persuade Jane to drift +to the piano accidentally and play over, just by chance, the opening +bars of some of Velma's best things, and we shall soon hear the +magic voice. She never can resist a perfectly played accompaniment." + +"Why call Madame Velma the `surprise packet'?" asked a girl, to whom +the Overdene "best parties" were a new experience. + +"That, my dear," replied Lady Ingleby, "is a little joke of the +duchess's. This concert is arranged for the amusement of her house +party, and for the gratification and glorification of local +celebrities. The whole neighbourhood is invited. None of you are +asked to perform, but local celebrities are. In fact they furnish +the entire programme, to their own delight, the satisfaction of +their friends and relatives, and our entertainment, particularly +afterwards when the duchess takes us through every item, with +original notes, comments, and impersonations. Oh, Dal! Do you +remember when she tucked a sheet of white writing-paper into her +tea-gown for a dog collar, and took off the high-church curate +nervously singing a comic song? Then at the very end, you see--and +really some of it is quite good for amateurs--she trots out Velma, +or some equally perfect artiste, to show them how it really can be +done; and suddenly the place is full of music, and a great hush +falls on the audience, and the poor complacent amateurs realise that +the noise they have been making was, after all, not music; and they +go dumbly home. But they have forgotten all about it by the +following year; or a fresh contingent of willing performers steps +into the breach. The duchess's little joke always comes off." + +"The Honourable Jane does not approve of it," said young Ronald +Ingram; "therefore she is generally given marching orders and +departs to her next visit before the event. But no one can accompany +Madame Velma so perfectly, so this time she is commanded to stay. +But I doubt if the 'surprise packet' will come off with quite such a +shock as usual, and I am certain the fun won't be so good +afterwards. The Honourable Jane has been known to jump on the +duchess for that sort of thing. She is safe to get the worst of it +at the time, but it has a restraining effect afterwards." + +"I think Miss Champion is quite right," said a bright-faced American +girl, bravely, holding a gold spoon poised for a moment over the +strawberry ice-cream with which Garth Dalmain had supplied her. + +"In my country we should call it real mean to laugh, at people who +had been our guests and performed in our houses." + +"In your country, my dear," said Myra Ingleby, "you have no +duchesses." + +"Well, we supply you with quite a good few," replied the American +girl calmly, and went on with her ice. + +A general laugh followed; and the latest Anglo-American match came +up for discussion. + +"Where is the Honourable Jane?" inquired someone presently. + +"Golfing with Billy," said Ronald Ingram. "Ah, here they come." + +Jane's tall figure was seen, walking along the terrace, accompanied +by Billy Cathcart, talking eagerly. They put their clubs away in the +lower hall; then came down the lawn together to the tea-tables. + +Jane wore a tailor-made coat and skirt of grey tweed, a blue and +white cambric shirt, starched linen collar and cuffs, a silk tie, +and a soft felt hat with a few black quills in it. She walked with +the freedom of movement and swing of limb which indicate great +strength and a body well under control. Her appearance was +extraordinarily unlike that of all the pretty and graceful women +grouped beneath the cedar tree. And yet it was in no sense +masculine--or, to use a more appropriate word, mannish; for +everything strong is masculine; but a woman who apes an appearance +of strength which she does not possess, is mannish;--rather was it +so truly feminine that she could afford to adopt a severe simplicity +of attire, which suited admirably the decided plainness of her +features, and the almost massive proportions of her figure. + +She stepped into the circle beneath the cedar, and took one of the +half-dozen places immediately vacated by the men, with the complete +absence of self-consciousness which always characterised her. + +"What did you go round in, Miss Champion?" inquired one of the men. + +"My ordinary clothes," replied Jane; quoting Punch, and evading the +question. + +But Billy burst out: "She went round in--" + +"Oh, be quiet, Billy," interposed Jane. "You and I are practically +the only golf maniacs present. Most of these dear people are even +ignorant as to who 'bogie' is, or why we should be so proud of +beating him. Where is my aunt? Poor Simmons was toddling all over +the place when we went in to put away our clubs, searching for her +with a telegram." + +"Why didn't you open it?" asked Myra. + +"Because my aunt never allows her telegrams to be opened. She loves +shocks; and there is always the possibility of a telegram containing +startling news. She says it completely spoils it if some one else +knows it first, and breaks it to her gently." + +"Here comes the duchess," said Garth Dalmain, who was sitting where +he could see the little gate into the rose-garden. + +"Do not mention the telegram," cautioned Jane. "It would not please +her that I should even know of its arrival. It would be a shame to +take any of the bloom off the unexpected delight of a wire on this +hot day, when nothing unusual seemed likely to happen." + +They turned and looked towards the duchess as she bustled across the +lawn; this quaint old figure, who had called them together; who +owned the lovely place where they were spending such delightful +days; and whose odd whimsicalities had been so freely discussed +while they drank her tea and feasted off her strawberries. The men +rose as she approached, but not quite so spontaneously as they had +done for her niece. + +The duchess carried a large wooden basket filled to overflowing with +exquisite roses. Every bloom was perfect, and each had been cut at +exactly the right moment. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +JANE VOLUNTEERS + + +The duchess plumped down her basket in the middle of the strawberry +table. + +"There, good people!" she said, rather breathlessly. "Help +yourselves, and let me see you all wearing roses to-night. And the +concert-room is to be a bower of roses. We will call it 'LA FETE DES +ROSES.' . . . No, thank you, Ronnie. That tea has been made half an +hour at least, and you ought to love me too well to press it upon +me. Besides, I never take tea. I have a whiskey and soda when I wake +from my nap, and that sustains me until dinner. Oh yes, my dear +Myra, I know I came to your interesting meeting, and signed that +excellent pledge 'POUR ENCOURAGER LES AUTRES'; but I drove straight +to my doctor when I left your house, and he gave me a certificate to +say I MUST take something when I needed it; and I always need it +when I wake from my nap. . . . Really, Dal, it is positively wicked +for any man, off the stage, to look as picturesque as you do, in +that pale violet shirt, and dark violet tie, and those white +flannels. If I were your grandmother I should send you in to take +them off. If you turn the heads of old dowagers such as I am, what +chance have all these chickens? . . . Hush, Tommy! That was a very +naughty word! And you need not be jealous of Dal. I admire you still +more. Dal, will you paint my scarlet macaw?" + +The young artist, whose portraits in that year's Academy had created +much interest in the artistic world, and whose violet shirt had just +been so severely censured, lay back in his lounge-chair, with his +arms behind his head and a gleam of amusement in his bright brown +eyes. + +"No, dear Duchess," he said. "I beg respectfully to decline the +commission, Tommy would require a Landseer to do full justice to his +attitudes and expression. Besides, it would be demoralising to an +innocent and well-brought-up youth, such as you know me to be, to +spend long hours in Tommy's society, listening to the remarks that +sweet bird would make while I painted him. But I will tell you what +I will do. I will paint you, dear Duchess, only not in that hat! +Ever since I was quite a small boy, a straw hat with black ribbons +tied under the chin has made me feel ill. If I yielded to my natural +impulses now, I should hide my face in Miss Champion's lap, and kick +and scream until you took it off. I will paint you in the black +velvet gown you wore last night, with the Medici collar; and the +jolly arrangement of lace and diamonds on your head. And in your +hand you shall hold an antique crystal mirror, mounted in silver." + +The artist half closed his eyes, and as he described his picture in +a voice full of music and mystery, an attentive hush fell upon the +gay group around him. When Garth Dalmain described his pictures, +people saw them. When they walked into the Academy or the New +Gallery the following year, they would say: "Ah, there it is! just +as we saw it that day, before a stroke of it was on the canvas." + +"In your left hand, you shall hold the mirror, but you shall not be +looking into it; because you never look into mirrors, dear Duchess, +excepting to see whether the scolding you are giving your maid, as +she stands behind you, is making her cry; and whether that is why +she is being so clumsy in her manipulation of pins and things. If it +is, you promptly promise her a day off, to go and see her old +mother; and pay her journey there and back. If it isn't, you scold +her some more. Were I the maid, I should always cry, large tears +warranted to show in the glass; only I should not sniff, because +sniffing is so intensely aggravating; and I should be most +frightfully careful that my tears did not run down your neck." + +"Dal, you ridiculous CHILD!" said the duchess. "Leave off talking +about my maids, and my neck, and your crocodile tears, and finish +describing the portrait. What do I do, with the mirror?" + +"You do not look into it," continued Garth Dalmain, meditatively; +"because we KNOW that is a thing you never do. Even when you put on +that hat, and tie those ribbons--Miss Champion, I wish you would +hold my hand--in a bow under your chin, you don't consult the +mirror. But you shall sit with it in your left hand, your elbow +resting on an Eastern table of black ebony inlaid with mother-of- +pearl. You will turn it from you, so that it reflects something +exactly in front of you in the imaginary foreground. You will be +looking at this unseen object with an expression of sublime +affection. And in the mirror I will paint a vivid, brilliant, +complete reflection, minute, but perfect in every detail, of your +scarlet macaw on his perch. We will call it 'Reflections,' because +one must always give a silly up-to-date title to pictures, and just +now one nondescript word is the fashion, unless you feel it needful +to attract to yourself the eye of the public, in the catalogue, by +calling your picture twenty lines of Tennyson. But when the portrait +goes down to posterity as a famous picture, it will figure in the +catalogue of the National Gallery as 'The Duchess, the Mirror, and +the Macaw.'" + +"Bravo!" said the duchess, delighted. "You shall paint it, Dal, in +time for next year's Academy, and we will all go and see it." + +And he did. And they all went. And when they saw it they said: "Ah, +of course! There it is; just as we saw it under the cedar at +Overdene." + +"Here comes Simmons with something on a salver," exclaimed the +duchess. "How that man waddles! Why can't somebody teach him to step +out? Jane! You march across this lawn like a grenadier. Can't you +explain to Simmons how it's done? . . . Well? What is it? Ha! A +telegram. Now what horrible thing can have happened? Who would like +to guess? I hope it is not merely some idiot who has missed a +train." + +Amid a breathless and highly satisfactory silence, the duchess tore +open the orange envelope. + +Apparently the shock was of a thorough, though not enjoyable, kind; +for the duchess, at all times highly coloured, became purple as she +read, and absolutely inarticulate with indignation. Jane rose +quietly, looked over her aunt's shoulder, read the long message, and +returned to her seat. + +"Creature!" exclaimed the duchess, at last. "Oh, creature! This +comes of asking them as friends. And I had a lovely string of pearls +for her, worth far more than she would have been offered, +professionally, for one song. And to fail at the last minute! Oh, +CREATURE!" + +"Dear aunt," said Jane, "if poor Madame Velma has a sudden attack of +laryngitis, she could not possibly sing a note, even had the Queen +commanded her. Her telegram is full of regrets." + +"Don't argue, Jane!" exclaimed the duchess, crossly. "And don't drag +in the Queen, who has nothing to do with my concert or Velma's +throat. I do abominate irrelevance, and you know it! WHY must she +have her what--do--you--call--it, just when she was coming to sing +here? In my young days people never had these new-fangled +complaints. I have no patience with all this appendicitis and what +not--cutting people open at every possible excuse. In my young days +we called it a good old-fashioned stomach-ache, and gave them Turkey +rhubarb!" + +Myra Ingleby hid her face behind her garden hat; and Garth Dalmain +whispered to Jane: "I do abominate irrelevance, and you know it!" +But Jane shook her head at him, and refused to smile. + +"Tommy wants a gooseberry!" shouted the macaw, having apparently +noticed the mention of rhubarb. + +"Oh, give it him, somebody!" said the worried duchess. + +"Dear aunt," said Jane, "there are no gooseberries." + +"Don't argue, girl!" cried the duchess, furiously; and Garth, +delighted, shook his head at Jane. "When he says 'gooseberry,' he +means anything GREEN, as you very well know!" + +Half a dozen people hastened to Tommy with lettuce, water-cress, and +cucumber sandwiches; and Garth picked one blade of grass, and handed +it to Jane; with an air of anxious solicitude; but Jane ignored it. + +"No answer, Simmons," said the duchess. "Why don't you go? . . . Oh, +how that man waddles! Teach him to walk, somebody! Now the question +is, What is to be done? Here is half the county coming to hear +Velma, by my invitation; and Velma in London pretending to have +appendicitis--no, I mean the other thing. Oh, 'drat the woman!' as +that clever bird would say." + +"Hold your jaw!" shouted Tommy. The duchess smiled, and consented to +sit down. + +"But, dear Duchess," suggested Garth in his most soothing voice, +"the county does not know Madame Velma was to be here. It was a +profound secret. You were to trot her out at the end. Lady Ingleby +called her your 'surprise packet.'" + +Myra came out from behind her garden hat, and the duchess nodded at +her approvingly. + +"Quite true," she said. "That was the lovely part of it. Oh, +creature!" + +"But, dear Duchess," pursued Garth persuasively, "if the county +did not know, the county will not be disappointed. They are coming +to listen to one another, and to hear themselves, and to enjoy your +claret-cup and ices. All this they will do, and go away delighted, +saying how cleverly the dear duchess, discovers and exploits local +talent." + +"Ah, ha!" said the duchess, with a gleam in the hawk eye, and a +raising of the hooked nose-which Mrs. Parker Bangs of Chicago, who +had met the duchess once or twice, described as "genuine +Plantagenet"--"but they will go away wise in their own conceits, and +satisfied with their own mediocre performances. My idea is to let +them do it, and then show them how it should be done." + +"But Aunt 'Gina," said Jane, gently; "surely you forget that most of +these people have been to town and heard plenty of good music, +Madame Velma herself most likely, and all the great singers. They +know they cannot sing like a prima donna; but they do their anxious +best, because you ask them. I cannot see that they require an object +lesson" + +"Jane," said the duchess, "for the third time this afternoon I must +request you not to argue." + +"Miss Champion," said Garth Dalmain, "if I were your grandmamma, I +should send you to bed." + +"What is to be done?" reiterated the duchess. "She was to sing THE +ROSARY. I had set my heart on it. The whole decoration of the room +is planned to suit that song--festoons of white roses; and a great +red-cross at the back of the platform, made entirely of crimson +ramblers. Jane!" + +"Yes, aunt." + +"Oh, don't say 'Yes, aunt,' in that senseless way! Can't you make +some suggestion?" + +"Drat the woman!" exclaimed Tommy, suddenly. + +"Hark to that sweet bird!" cried the duchess, her good humour fully +restored. "Give him a strawberry, somebody. Now, Jane, what do you +suggest?" + +Jane Champion was seated with her broad back half turned to her +aunt, one knee crossed over the other, her large, capable hands +clasped round it. She loosed her hands, turned slowly round, and +looked into the keen eyes peering at her from under the mushroom +hat. As she read the half-resentful, half-appealing demand in them, +a slow smile dawned in her own. She waited a moment to make sure of +the duchess's meaning, then said quietly: "I will sing THE ROSARY +for you, in Velma's place, to-night, if you really wish it, aunt." + +Had the gathering under the tree been a party of "mere people," it +would have gasped. Had it been a "freak party," it would have been +loud-voiced in its expressions of surprise. Being a "best party," it +gave no outward sign; but a sense of blank astonishment, purely +mental, was in the air. The duchess herself was the only person +present who had heard Jane Champion sing. + +"Have you the song?" asked her Grace of Meldrum, rising, and picking +up her telegram and empty basket. + +"I have," said Jane. "I spent a few hours with Madame Blanche when I +was in town last month; and she, who so rarely admires these modern +songs, was immensely taken with it. She sang it, and allowed me to +accompany her. We spent nearly an hour over it. I obtained a copy +afterwards." + +"Good," said the duchess. "Then I count on you. Now I must send a +sympathetic telegram to that poor dear Velma, who will be fretting +at having to fail us. So 'au revoir,' good people. Remember, we dine +punctually at eight o'clock. Music is supposed to begin at nine. +Ronnie, be a kind boy, and carry Tommy into the hall for me. He will +screech so fearfully if he sees me walk away without him. He is so +very loving, dear bird!" + +Silence under the cedar. + +Most people were watching young Ronald, holding the stand as much at +arm's length as possible; while Tommy, keeping his balance +wonderfully, sidled up close to him, evidently making confidential +remarks into Ronnie's terrified ear. The duchess walked on before, +quite satisfied with the new turn events had taken. + +One or two people were watching Jane. + +"It is very brave of you," said Myra Ingleby, at length. "I would +offer to play your accompaniment, dear; but I can only manage Au +clair de la lune, and Three Blind Mice, with one finger." + +"And I would offer to play your accompaniment, dear," said Garth +Dalmain, "if you were going to sing Lassen's Allerseelen, for I play +that quite beautifully with ten fingers! It is an education only to +hear the way I bring out the tolling of the cemetery chapel bell +right through the song. The poor thing with the bunch of purple +heather can never get away from it. Even in the grand crescendo, +appassionata, fortissimo, when they discover that 'in death's dark +valley this is Holy Day,' I give then no holiday from that bell. I +don't know what it did 'once in May.' It tolls all the time, with +maddening persistence, in my accompaniment. But I have seen The +Rosary, and I dare not face those chords. To begin with, you start +in every known flat; and before you have gone far you have gathered +unto yourself handfuls of known and unknown sharps, to which you +cling, not daring to let them go, lest they should be wanted again +the next moment. Alas, no! When it is a question of accompanying The +Rosary, I must say, as the old farmer at the tenants' dinner the +other day said to the duchess when she pressed upon him a third +helping of pudding: 'Madam, I CANNOT!'" + +"Don't be silly, Dal," said Jane. "You could accompany The Rosary +perfectly, if I wanted it done. But, as it happens, I prefer +accompanying myself." + +"Ah," said Lady Ingleby, sympathetically, "I quite understand that. +It would be such a relief all the time to know that if things seemed +going wrong, you could stop the other part, and give yourself the +note." + +The only two real musicians present glanced at each other, and a +gleam of amusement passed between them. + +"It certainly would be useful, if necessary," said Jane. + +"_I_ would 'stop the other part' and 'give you the note,'" said +Garth, demurely. + +"I am sure you would," said Jane. "You are always so very kind. But +I prefer to keep the matter in my own hands." + +"You realise the difficulty of making the voice carry in a place of +that size unless you can stand and face the audience?" Garth Dalmain +spoke anxiously. Jane was a special friend of his, and he had a +man's dislike of the idea of his chum failing in anything, publicly. + +The same quiet smile dawned in Jane's eyes and passed to her lips as +when she had realised that her aunt meant her to volunteer in +Velma's place. She glanced around. Most of the party had wandered +off in twos and threes, some to the house, others back to the river. +She and Dal and Myra were practically alone. Her calm eyes were full +of quiet amusement as she steadfastly met the anxious look in +Garth's, and answered his question. + +"Yes, I know. But the acoustic properties of the room are very +perfect, and I have learned to throw my voice. Perhaps you may not +know--in fact, how should you know?--but I have had the immense +privilege of studying with Madame Marchesi in Paris, and of keeping +up to the mark since by an occasional delightful hour with her no +less gifted daughter in London. So I ought to know all there is to +know about the management of a voice, if I have at all adequately +availed myself of such golden opportunities." + +These quiet words were Greek to Myra, conveying no more to her mind +than if Jane had said: "I have been learning Tonic sol-fa." In fact, +not quite so much, seeing that Lady Ingleby had herself once tried +to master the Tonic sol-fa system in order to instruct her men and +maids in part-singing. It was at a time when she owned a distinctly +musical household. The second footman possessed a fine barytone. The +butler could "do a little bass," which is to say that, while the +other parts soared to higher regions, he could stay on the bottom +note if carefully placed there, and told to remain. The head +housemaid sang what she called "seconds"; in other words, she +followed along, slightly behind the trebles as regarded time, and a +major third below them as regarded pitch. The housekeeper, a large, +dark person with a fringe on her upper lip, unshaven and unashamed, +produced a really remarkable effect by singing the air an octave +below the trebles. Unfortunately Lady Ingleby was apt to confuse her +with the butler. Myra herself was the first to admit that she had +not "much ear"; but it was decidedly trying, at a moment when she +dared not remove her eyes from the accompaniment of Good King +Wenceslas, to have called out: "Stay where you are, Jenkins!" and +then find it was Mrs. Jarvis who had been travelling upwards. But +when a new footman, engaged by Lord Ingleby with no reference to his +musical gifts, chanced to possess a fine throaty tenor, Myra felt +she really had material with which great things might be +accomplished, and decided herself to learn the Tonic sol-fa system. +She easily mastered mi, re, do, and so, fa, fa, mi, because these +represented the opening lines of Three Blind Mice, always a musical +landmark to Myra. But when it came to the fugue-like intricacies in +the theme of "They all ran after the farmer's wife," Lady Ingleby +was lost without the words to cling to, and gave up the Tonic sol-fa +system in despair. + +So the name of the greatest teacher of singing of this age did not +convey much to Myra's mind. But Garth Dalmain sat up. + +"I say! No wonder you take it coolly. Why, Velma herself was a pupil +of the great madame." + +"That is how it happens that I know her rather well," said Jane. "I +am here to-day because I was to have played her accompaniment." + +"I see," said Garth. "And now you have to do both. 'Land's sake!' as +Mrs. Parker Bangs says when you explain who's who at a Marlborough +House garden party. But you prefer playing other people's +accompaniments, to singing yourself, don't you?" + +Jane's slow smile dawned again. + +"I prefer singing," she said, "but accompanying is more useful." + +"Of course it is," said Garth. "Heaps of people can sing a little, +but very few can accompany properly." "Jane," said Myra, her grey +eyes looking out lazily from under their long black lashes, "if you +have had singing lessons, and know some songs, why hasn't the +duchess turned you on to sing to us before this?" + +"For a sad reason," Jane replied. "You know her only son died eight +years ago? He was such a handsome, talented fellow. He and I +inherited our love of music from our grandfather. My cousin got into +a musical set at college, studied with enthusiasm, and wanted to +take it up professionally. He had promised, one Christmas vacation, +to sing at a charity concert in town, and went out, when only just +recovering from influenza, to fulfil this engagement. He had a +relapse, double pneumonia set in, and he died in five days from +heart failure. My poor aunt was frantic with grief; and since then +any mention of my love of music makes her very bitter. I, too, +wanted to take it up professionally, but she put her foot down +heavily. I scarcely ever venture to sing or play here." + +"Why not elsewhere?" asked Garth Dalmain. "We have stayed about at +the same houses, and I had not the faintest idea you sang." + +"I do not know," said Jane slowly. "But--music means so much to me. +It is a sort of holy of holies in the tabernacle of one's inner +being. And it is not easy to lift the veil." + +"The veil will be lifted to-night," said Myra Ingleby. + +"Yes," agreed Jane, smiling a little ruefully, "I suppose it will." + +"And we shall pass in," said Garth Dalmain. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +CONFIDENCES + + +The shadows silently lengthened on the lawn. + +The home-coming rooks circled and cawed around the tall elm trees. + +The sun-dial pointed to six o'clock. + +Myra Ingleby rose and stood with the slanting rays of the sun full +in her eyes, her arms stretched over her head. The artist noted +every graceful line of her willowy figure. + +"Ah, bah!" she yawned. "It is so perfect out here, and I must go in +to my maid. Jane, be advised in time. Do not ever begin facial +massage. You become a slave to it, and it takes up hours of your +day. Look at me." + +They were both looking already. Myra was worth looking at. + +"For ordinary dressing purposes, I need not have gone in until +seven; and now I must lose this last, perfect hour." + +"What happens?" asked Jane. "I know nothing of the process." + +"I can't go into details," replied Lady Ingleby, "but you know how +sweet I have looked all day? Well, if I did not go to my maid now, I +should look less sweet by the end of dinner, and at the close of the +evening I should appear ten years older." + +"You would always look sweet," said Jane, with frank sincerity; "and +why mind looking the age you are?" + +"My dear, 'a man is as old as he feels; a woman is as old as she +looks,'" quoted Myra. + +"I FEEL just seven," said Garth. + +"And you LOOK seventeen," laughed Myra. + +"And I AM twenty-seven," retorted Garth; "so the duchess should not +call me 'a ridiculous child.' And, dear lady, if curtailing this +mysterious process is going to make you one whit less lovely to- +night, I do beseech you to hasten to your maid, or you will spoil my +whole evening. I shall burst into tears at dinner, and the duchess +hates scenes, as you very well know!" + +Lady Ingleby flapped him with her garden hat as she passed. + +"Be quiet, you ridiculous child!" she said. "You had no business to +listen to what I was saying to Jane. You shall paint me this autumn. +And after that I will give up facial massage, and go abroad, and +come back quite old." + +She flung this last threat over her shoulder as she trailed away +across the lawn. + +"How lovely she is!" commented Garth, gazing after her. "How much of +that was true, do you suppose, Miss Champion?" + +"I have not the slightest idea," replied Jane. "I am completely +ignorant on the subject of facial massage." + +"Not much, I should think," continued Garth, "or she would not have +told us." + + + +"Ah, you are wrong there," replied Jane, quickly. "Myra is +extraordinarily honest, and always inclined to be frank about +herself and her foibles. She had a curious upbringing. She is one of +a large family, and was always considered the black sheep, not so +much by her brothers and sisters, as by her mother. Nothing she was, +or said, or did, was ever right. When Lord Ingleby met her, and I +suppose saw her incipient possibilities, she was a tall, gawky girl, +with lovely eyes, a sweet, sensitive mouth, and a what-on-earth-am- +I-going-to-do-next expression on her face. He was twenty years her +senior, but fell most determinedly in love with her and, though her +mother pressed upon him all her other daughters in turn, he would +have Myra or nobody. When he proposed to her it was impossible at +first to make her understand what he meant. His meaning dawned on +her at length, and he was not kept waiting long for her answer. I +have often heard him tease her about it. She looked at him with an +adorable smile, her eyes brimming over with tears, and said: 'Why, +of course. I'll marry you GRATEFULLY, and I think it is perfectly +sweet of you to like me. But what a blow for mamma!' They were +married with as little delay as possible, and he took her off to +Paris, Italy, and Egypt, had six months abroad, and brought her +back--this! I was staying with them once, and her mother was also +there. We were sitting in the morning room,--no men, just half a +dozen women,--and her mother began finding fault about something, +and said: 'Has not Lord Ingleby often told you of it?' Myra looked +up in her sweet, lazy way and answered: 'Dear mamma, I know it must +seem strange to you, but, do you know, my husband thinks everything +I do perfect.' 'Your husband is a fool!' snapped her mother. 'From +YOUR point of view, dear mamma,' said Myra, sweetly." + +"Old curmudgeon!" remarked Garth. "Why are people of that sort +allowed to be called 'mothers'? We, who have had tender, perfect +mothers, would like to make it law that the other kind should always +be called 'she-parents,' or 'female progenitors,' or any other +descriptive title, but not profane the sacred name of mother!" + +Jane was silent. She knew the beautiful story of Garth's boyhood +with his widowed mother. She knew his passionate adoration of her +sainted memory. She liked him best when she got a glimpse beneath +the surface, and did not wish to check his mood by reminding him +that she herself had never even lisped that name. + +Garth rose from his chair and stretched his slim figure in the +slanting sun-rays, much as Myra had done. Jane looked at him. As is +often the case with plain people, great physical beauty appealed to +her strongly. She only allowed to that appeal its right proportion +in her estimation of her friends. Garth Dalmain by no means came +first among her particular chums. He was older than most of them, +and yet in some ways younger than any, and his remarkable +youthfulness of manner and exuberance of spirits sometimes made him +appear foolish to Jane, whose sense of humour was of a more sedate +kind. But of the absolute perfection of his outward appearance, +there was no question; and Jane looked at him now, much as his own +mother might have looked, with honest admiration in her kind eyes. + +Garth, notwithstanding the pale violet shirt and dark violet tie, +was quite unconscious of his own appearance; and, dazzled by the +golden sunlight, was also unconscious of Jane's look. + +"Oh, I say, Miss Champion!" he cried, boyishly. "Isn't it nice that +they have all gone in? I have been wanting a good jaw with you. +Really, when we all get together we do drivel sometimes, to keep the +ball rolling. It is like patting up air-balls; and very often they +burst, and one realises that an empty, shrivelled little skin is all +that is left after most conversations. Did you ever buy air-balls at +Brighton? Do you remember the wild excitement of seeing the man +coming along the parade, with a huge bunch of them--blue, green, +red, white, and yellow, all shining in the sun? And one used to +wonder how he ever contrived to pick them all up--I don't know how!- +-and what would happen if he put them all down. I always knew +exactly which one I wanted, and it was generally on a very inside +string and took a long time to disentangle. And how maddening it was +if the grown-ups grew tired of waiting, and walked on with the +penny. Only I would rather have had none, than not have the one on +which I had fixed my heart. Wouldn't you?" + +"I never bought air-balls at Brighton," replied Jane, without +enthusiasm. Garth was feeling seven again, and Jane was feeling +bored. + +For once he seemed conscious of this. He took his coat from the back +of the chair where he had hung it, and put it on. + +"Come along, Miss Champion," he said; "I am so tired of doing +nothing. Let us go down to the river and find a boat or two. Dinner +is not until eight o'clock, and I am certain you can dress, even for +the ROLE of Velma, in half an hour. I have known you do it in ten +minutes, at a pinch. There is ample time for me to row you within +sight of the minster, and we can talk as we go. Ah, fancy! the grey +old minster with this sunset behind it, and a field of cowslips in +the foreground!" + +But Jane did not rise. + +"My dear Dal," she said, "you would not feel much enthusiasm for the +minster or the sunset, after you had pulled my twelve stone odd up +the river. You would drop exhausted among the cowslips. Surely you +might know by now that I am not the sort of person to be told off to +sit in the stern of a tiny skiff and steer. If I am in a boat, I +like to row; and if I row, I prefer rowing stroke. But I do not want +to row now, because I have been playing golf the whole afternoon. +And you know perfectly well it would be no pleasure to you to have +to gaze at me all the way up and all the way down the river; knowing +all the time, that I was mentally criticising your stroke and +marking the careless way you feathered." + + + +Garth sat down, lay back in his chair, with his arms behind his +sleek dark head, and looked at her with his soft shining eyes, just +as he had looked at the duchess. + +"How cross you are, old chap," he said, gently. "What is the +matter?" + +Jane laughed and held out her hand. "Oh, you dear boy! I think you +have the sweetest temper in the world. I won't be cross any more. +The truth is, I hate the duchess's concerts, and I don't like being +the duchess's 'surprise-packet.'" + +"I see," said Garth, sympathetically. "But, that being so, why did +you offer?" + +"Ah, I had to," said Jane. "Poor old dear! She so rarely asks me +anything, and her eyes besought. Don't you know how one longs to +have something to do for some one who belongs to one? I would black +her boots if she wished it. But it is so hard to stay here, week +after week, and be kept at arm's length. This one thing she asked of +me, and her proud old eyes pleaded. Could I refuse?" + +Garth was all sympathy. "No, dear," he said thoughtfully; "of course +you couldn't. And don't bother over that silly joke about the +'surprise packet.' You see, you won't be that. I have no doubt you +sing vastly better than most of them, but they will not realise it. +It takes a Velma to make such people as these sit up. They will +think THE ROSARY a pretty song, and give you a mild clap, and there +the thing will end. So don't worry." + + Jane sat and considered this. Then: "Dal," she said, "I do hate +singing before that sort of audience. It is like giving them your +soul to look at, and you don't want them to see it. It seems +indecent. To my mind, music is the most REVEALING thing in the +world. I shiver when I think of that song, and yet I daren't do less +than my best. When the moment comes, I shall live in the song, and +forget the audience. Let me tell you a lesson I once had from Madame +Blanche. I was singing Bemberg's CHANT HINDOU, the passionate prayer +of an Indian woman to Brahma. I began: 'BRAHMA! DIEU DES CROYANTS,' +and sang it as I might have sung 'DO, RE, MI.' Brahma was nothing to +me. 'Stop!' cried Madame Blanche in her most imperious manner. 'Ah, +vous Anglais! What are you doing? BRAHMA, c'est un Dieu! He may not +be YOUR God. He may not be MY God. But he is somebody's God. He is +the God of the song. Ecoutez!' And she lifted her head and sang: +'Brahma! Dieu des croyants! Maitre des cites saintes!' with her +beautiful brow illumined, and a passion of religious fervour which +thrilled one's soul. It was a lesson I never forgot. I can honestly +say I have never sung a song tamely, since." + +"Fine!" said Garth Dalmain. "I like enthusiasm in every branch of +art. I never care to paint a portrait, unless I adore the woman I am +painting." + +Jane smiled. The conversation was turning exactly the way she had +hoped eventually to lead it. + +"Dal, dear," she said, "you adore so many in turn, that we old +friends, who have your real interest at heart, fear you will never +adore to any definite purpose." + +Garth laughed. "Oh bother!" he said. "Are you like all the rest? Do +you also think adoration and admiration must necessarily mean +marriage. I should have expected you to take a saner and more +masculine view." + +"My dear boy," said Jane, "your friends have decided that you need a +wife. You are alone in the world. You have a lovely home. You are in +a fair way to be spoiled by all the silly women who run after you. +Of course we are perfectly aware that your wife must have every +incomparable beauty under the sun united in her own exquisite +person. But each new divinity you see and paint apparently fulfils, +for the time being, this wondrous ideal; and, perhaps, if you wedded +one, instead of painting her, she might continue permanently to +fulfil it." + +Garth considered this in silence, his level brows knitted. At last +he said: "Beauty is so much a thing of the surface. I see it, and +admire it. I desire it, and paint it. When I have painted it, I have +made it my own, and somehow I find I have done with it. All the time +I am painting a woman, I am seeking for her soul. I want to express +it on my canvas; and do you know, Miss Champion, I find that a +lovely woman does not always have a lovely soul." + +Jane was silent. The last things she wished to discuss were other +women's souls. + +"There is just one who seems to me perfect, "continued Garth. "I am +to paint her this autumn. I believe I shall find her soul as +exquisite as her body." + +"And she is--?" inquired Jane. + +"Lady Brand." + +"Flower!" exclaimed Jane. "Are YOU so taken with Flower?" + +"Ah, she is lovely," said Garth, with reverent enthusiasm. "It +positively is not right for any one to be so absolutely flawlessly +lovely. It makes me ache. Do you know that feeling, Miss Champion, +of perfect loveliness making you ache?" + +"No, I don't," said Jane, shortly. "And I do not think other +people's wives ought to have that effect upon you." + +"My dear old chap," exclaimed Garth, astonished; "it has nothing to +do with wives or no wives. A wood of bluebells in morning sunshine +would have precisely the same effect. I ache to paint her. When I +have painted her and really done justice to that matchless +loveliness as I see it, I shall feel all right. At present I have +only painted her from memory; but she is to sit to me in October." + +"From memory?" questioned Jane. + +"Yes, I paint a great deal from memory. Give me one look of a +certain kind at a face, let me see it at a moment which lets one +penetrate beneath the surface, and I can paint that face from memory +weeks after. Lots of my best studies have been done that way. Ah, +the delight of it! Beauty--the worship of beauty is to me a +religion." + +"Rather a godless form of religion," suggested Jane. + +"Ah no," said Garth reverently. "All true beauty comes from God, and +leads back to God. 'Every good gift and every perfect gift is from +above, and cometh down from the Father of lights.' I once met an old +freak who said all sickness came from the devil. I never could +believe that, for my mother was an invalid during the last years of +her life, and I can testify that her sickness was a blessing to +many, and borne to the glory of God. But I am, convinced all true +beauty is God-given, and that is why the worship of beauty is to me +a religion. Nothing bad was ever truly beautiful; nothing good is +ever really ugly." + +Jane smiled as she watched him, lying back in the golden sunlight, +the very personification of manly beauty. The absolute lack of self- +consciousness, either for himself or for her, which allowed him to +talk thus to the plainest woman of his acquaintance, held a vein of +humour which diverted Jane. It appealed to her more than buying +coloured air-balls, or screaming because the duchess wore a mushroom +hat. + +"Then are plain people to be denied their share of goodness, Dal?" +she asked. + +"Plainness is not ugliness," replied Garth Dalmain simply. "I +learned that when quite a small boy. My mother took me to hear a +famous preacher. As he sat on the platform during the preliminaries +he seemed to me quite the ugliest man I had ever seen. He reminded +me of a grotesque gorilla, and I dreaded the moment when he should +rise up and face us and give out a text. It seemed to me there ought +to be bars between, and that we should want to throw nuts and +oranges. But when he rose to speak, his face was transfigured. +Goodness and inspiration shone from it, making it as the face of an +angel. I never again thought him ugly. The beauty of his soul shone +through, transfiguring his body. Child though I was, I could +differentiate even then between ugliness and plainness. When he sat +down at the close of his magnificent sermon, I no longer thought him +a complicated form of chimpanzee. I remembered the divine halo of +his smile. Of course his actual plainness of feature remained. It +was not the sort of face one could have wanted to live with, or to +have day after day opposite to one at table. But then one was not +called to that sort of discipline, which would have been martyrdom +to me. And he has always stood to my mind since as a proof of the +truth that goodness is never ugly; and that divine love and +aspiration shining through the plainest features may redeem them +temporarily into beauty; and, permanently, into a thing one loves to +remember." + +"I see," said Jane. "It must have often helped you to a right view +to have realised that so long ago. But now let us return to the +important question of the face which you ARE to have daily opposite +you at table. It cannot be Lady Brand's, nor can it be Myra's; but, +you know, Dal, a very lovely one is being suggested for the +position." + +"No names, please," said Garth, quickly. "I object to girls' names +being mentioned in this sort of conversation." + +"Very well, dear boy. I understand and respect your objection. You +have made her famous already by your impressionist portrait of her, +and I hear you are to do a more elaborate picture 'in the fall.' +Now, Dal, you know you admire her immensely. She is lovely, she is +charming, she hails from the land whose women, when they possess +charm, unite with it a freshness and a piquancy which place them +beyond compare. In some ways you are so unique yourself that you +ought to have a wife with a certain amount of originality. Now, I +hardly know how far the opinion of your friends would influence you +in such a matter, but you may like to hear how fully they approve +your very open allegiance to--shall we say--the beautiful 'Stars and +Stripes'?" + +Garth Dalmain took out his cigarette case, carefully selected a +cigarette, and sat with it between his fingers in absorbed +contemplation. + +"Smoke," said Jane. + +"Thanks," said Garth. He struck a match and very deliberately +lighted his cigarette. As he flung away the vesta the breeze caught +it and it fell on the lawn, flaming brightly. Garth sprang up and +extinguished it, then drew his chair more exactly opposite to Jane's +and lay back, smoking meditatively, and watching the little rings he +blew, mount into the cedar branches, expand, fade, and vanish. + +Jane was watching him. The varied and characteristic ways in which +her friends lighted and smoked their cigarettes always interested +Jane. There were at least a dozen young men of whom she could have +given the names upon hearing a description of their method. Also, +she had learned from Deryck Brand the value of silences in an +important conversation, and the art of not weakening a statement by +a postscript. + +At last Garth spoke. + +"I wonder why the smoke is that lovely pale blue as it curls up from +the cigarette, and a greyish-white if one blows it out." + +Jane knew it was because it had become impregnated with moisture, +but she did not say so, having no desire to contribute her quota of +pats to this air-ball, or to encourage the superficial workings of +his mind just then. She quietly awaited the response to her appeal +to his deeper nature which she felt certain would be forthcoming. +Presently it came. + +"It is awfully good of you, Miss Champion, to take the trouble to +think all this and to say it to me. May I prove my gratitude by +explaining for once where my difficulty lies? I have scarcely +defined it to myself, and yet I believe I can express it to you." +Another long silence. Garth smoked and pondered. + +Jane waited. It was a very comprehending, very companionable +silence. Garth found himself parodying the last lines of an old +sixteenth-century song: + + "Then ever pray that heaven may send + Such weeds, such chairs, and such a friend." + +Either the cigarette, or the chair, or Jane, or perhaps all three +combined were producing in him a sublime sense of calm, and rest, +and well-being; an uplifting of spirit which made all good things +seem better; all difficult things, easy; and all ideals, possible. +The silence, like the sunset, was golden; but at last he broke it. + +"Two women--the only two women who have ever really been in my life- +-form for me a standard below which I cannot fall,--one, my mother, +a sacred and ideal memory; the other, old Margery Graem, my +childhood's friend and nurse, now my housekeeper and general tender +and mender. Her faithful heart and constant remembrance help to keep +me true to the ideal of that sweet presence which faded from beside +me when I stood on the threshold of manhood. Margery lives at Castle +Gleneesh. When I return home, the sight which first meets my eyes as +the hall door opens is old Margery in her black satin apron, lawn +kerchief, and lavender ribbons. I always feel seven then, and I +always hug her. You, Miss Champion, don't like me when I feel seven; +but Margery does. Now, this is what I want you to realise. When I +bring a bride to Gleneesh and present her to Margery, the kind old +eyes will try to see nothing but good; the faithful old heart will +yearn to love and serve. And yet I shall know she knows the +standard, just as I know it; I shall know she remembers the ideal of +gentle, tender, Christian womanhood, just as I remember it; and I +must not, I dare not, fall short. Believe me, Miss Champion, more +than once, when physical attraction has been strong, and I have been +tempted in the worship of the outward loveliness to disregard or +forget the essentials,--the things which are unseen but eternal,-- +then, all unconscious of exercising any such influence, old +Margery's clear eyes look into mine, old Margery's mittened hand +seems to rest upon my coat sleeve, and the voice which has guided me +from infancy, says, in gentle astonishment: `Is this your choice, +Master Garthie, to fill my dear lady's place?' No doubt, Miss +Champion, it will seem almost absurd to you when you think of our +set and our sentiments, and the way we racket round that I should +sit here on the duchess's lawn and confess that I have been held +back from proposing marriage to the women I have most admired, +because of what would have been my old nurse's opinion of them! But +you must remember her opinion is formed by a memory, and that memory +is the memory of my dead mother. Moreover, Margery voices my best +self, and expresses my own judgment when it is not blinded by +passion or warped by my worship of the beautiful. Not that Margery +would disapprove of loveliness; in fact, she would approve of +nothing else for me, I know very well. But her penetration rapidly +goes beneath the surface. According to one of Paul's sublime +paradoxes, she looks at the things that are not seen. It seems queer +that I can tell you all this, Miss Champion, and really it is the +first time I have actually formulated it in my own mind. But I think +it so extremely friendly of you to have troubled to give me good +advice in the matter." + +Garth Dalmain ceased speaking, and the silence which followed +suddenly assumed alarming proportions, seeming to Jane like a high +fence which she was vainly trying to scale. She found herself +mentally rushing hither and thither, seeking a gate or any possible +means of egress. And still she was confronted by the difficulty of +replying adequately to the totally unexpected. And what added to her +dumbness was the fact that she was infinitely touched by Garth's +confession; and when Jane was deeply moved speech always became +difficult. That this young man--adored by all the girls for his good +looks and delightful manners; pursued for his extreme eligibility by +mothers and chaperons; famous already in the world of art; +flattered, courted, sought after in society--should calmly admit +that the only woman really left IN his life was his old nurse, and +that her opinion and expectations held him back from a worldly, or +unwise marriage, touched Jane deeply, even while in her heart she +smiled at what their set would say could they realise the situation. +It revealed Garth in a new light; and suddenly Jane understood him, +as she had not understood him before. + +And yet the only reply she could bring herself to frame was: "I wish +I knew old Margery." + +Garth's brown eyes flashed with pleasure. + +"Ah, I wish you did," he said. "And I should like you to see Castle +Gleneesh. You would enjoy the view from the terrace, sheer into the +gorge, and away across the purple hills. And I think you would like +the pine woods and the moor. I say, Miss Champion, why should not +_I_ get up a 'best party' in September, and implore the duchess to +come and chaperon it? And then you could come, and any one else you +would like asked. And--and, perhaps--we might ask--the beautiful +'Stars and Stripes,' and her aunt, Mrs. Parker Bangs of Chicago; and +then we should see what Margery thought of her!" + +"Delightful!" said Jane. "I would come with pleasure. And really, +Dal, I think that girl has a sweet nature. Could you do better? The +exterior is perfect, and surely the soul is there. Yes, ask us all, +and see what happens." + +"I will," cried Garth, delighted. "And what will Margery think of +Mrs. Parker Bangs?" + +"Never mind," said Jane decidedly. "When you marry the niece, the +aunt goes back to Chicago." + +"And I wish her people were not millionaires." + +"That can't be helped," said Jane. "Americans are so charming, that +we really must not mind their money." + +"I wish Miss Lister and her aunt were here," remarked Garth. "But +they are to be at Lady Ingleby's, where I am due next Tuesday. Do +you come on there, Miss Champion?" + +"I do," replied Jane. "I go to the Brands for a few days on Tuesday, +but I have promised Myra to turn up at Shenstone for the week-end. I +like staying there. They are such a harmonious couple." + +"Yes," said Garth, "but no one could help being a harmonious couple, +who had married Lady Ingleby." + +"What grammar!" laughed Jane. "But I know what you mean, and I am +glad you think so highly of Myra. She is a dear! Only do make haste +and paint her and get her off your mind, so as to be free for +Pauline Lister." + +The sun-dial pointed to seven o'clock. The rooks had circled round +the elms and dropped contentedly into their nests. + +"Let us go in," said Jane, rising. "I am glad we have had this +talk," she added, as he walked beside her across the lawn. + +"Yes," said Garth. "Air-balls weren't in it! It was a football this +time--good solid leather. And we each kicked one goal,--a tie, you +know. For your advice went home to me, and I think my reply showed +you the true lie of things; eh, Miss Champion?" + +He was feeling seven again; but Jane saw him now through old +Margery's glasses, and it did not annoy her. + +"Yes," she said, smiling at him with her kind, true eyes; "we will +consider it a tie, and surely it will prove a tie to our friendship. +Thank you, Dal, for all you have told me." + +Arrived in her room, Jane found she had half an hour to spare before +dressing. She took out her diary. Her conversation with Garth +Dalmain seemed worth recording, particularly his story of the +preacher whose beauty of soul redeemed the ugliness of his body. She +wrote it down verbatim. + +Then she rang for her maid, and dressed for dinner, and the concert +which should follow. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +THE VEIL IS LIFTED + + +"MISS CHAMPION! Oh, here you are! Your turn next, please. The last +item of the local programme is in course of performance, after which +the duchess explains Velma's laryngitis--let us hope she will not +call it 'appendicitis'--and then I usher you up. Are you ready?" + +Garth Dalmain, as master of ceremonies, had sought Jane Champion on +the terrace, and stood before her in the soft light of the hanging +Chinese lanterns. The crimson rambler in his button-hole, and his +red silk socks, which matched it, lent an artistic touch of colour +to the conventional black and white of his evening clothes. + +Jane looked up from the comfortable depths of her wicker chair; then +smiled at his anxious face. + +"I am ready," she said, and rising, walked beside him. "Has it gone +well?" she asked. "Is it a good audience?" + +"Packed," replied Garth, "and the duchess has enjoyed herself. It +has been funnier than usual. But now comes the event of the evening. +I say, where is your score?" + +"Thanks," said Jane. "I shall play it from memory. It obviates the +bother of turning over." + +They passed into the concert-room and stood behind screens and a +curtain, close to the half-dozen steps leading, from the side, up on +to the platform. + +"Oh, hark to the duchess!" whispered Garth. "My NIECE, JANE +CHAMPION, HAS KINDLY CONSENTED TO STEP INTO THE BREACH--' Which +means that you will have to step up on to that platform in another +half-minute. Really it would be kinder to you if she said less about +Velma. But never mind; they are prepared to like anything. There! +APPENDICITIS! I told you so. Poor Madame Velma! Let us hope it won't +get into the local papers. Oh, goodness! She is going to enlarge on +new-fangled diseases. Well, it gives us a moment's breathing space. +. . . I say, Miss Champion, I was chaffing this afternoon about +sharps and flats. I can play that accompaniment for you if you like. +No? Well, just as you think best. But remember, it takes a lot of +voice to make much effect in this concert-room, and the place is +crowded. Now--the duchess has done. Come on. Mind the bottom step. +Hang it all! How dark it is behind this curtain!" + +Garth gave her his hand, and Jane mounted the steps and passed into +view of the large audience assembled in the Overdene concert-room. +Her tall figure seemed taller than usual as she walked alone across +the rather high platform. She wore a black evening gown of soft +material, with old lace at her bosom and one string of pearls round +her neck. When she appeared, the audience gazed at her and applauded +doubtfully. Velma's name on the programme had raised great +expectations; and here was Miss Champion, who certainly played very +nicely, but was not supposed to be able to sing, volunteering to +sing Velma's song. A more kindly audience would have cheered her to +the echo, voicing its generous appreciation of her effort, and +sanguine expectation of her success. This audience expressed its +astonishment, in the dubiousness of its faint applause. + +Jane smiled at them good-naturedly; sat down at the piano, a +Bechstein grand; glanced at the festoons of white roses and the +cross of crimson ramblers; then, without further preliminaries, +struck the opening chord and commenced to sing. + +The deep, perfect voice thrilled through the room. + +A sudden breathless hush fell upon the audience. + +Each syllable penetrated the silence, borne on a tone so tender and +so amazingly sweet, that casual hearts stood still and marvelled at +their own emotion; and those who felt deeply already, responded with +a yet deeper thrill to the magic of that music. + + "The hours I spent with thee, dear heart, + Are as a string of pearls to me; + I count them over, ev'ry one apart, + My rosary,--my rosary." + +Softly, thoughtfully, tenderly, the last two words were breathed +into the silence, holding a world of reminiscence--a large-hearted +woman's faithful remembrance of tender moments in the past. + +The listening crowd held its breath. This was not a song. This was +the throbbing of a heart; and it throbbed in tones of such +sweetness, that tears started unbidden. + +Then the voice, which had rendered the opening lines so quietly, +rose in a rapid crescendo of quivering pain. + + "Each hour a pearl, each pearl a prayer, + To still a heart in absence wrung; + I tell each bead unto the end, and there-- + A cross is hung!" + +The last four words were given with a sudden power and passion which +electrified the assembly. In the pause which followed, could be +heard the tension of feeling produced. But in another moment the +quiet voice fell soothingly, expressing a strength of endurance +which would fail in no crisis, nor fear to face any depths of pain; +yet gathering to itself a poignancy of sweetness, rendered richer by +the discipline of suffering. + + "O memories that bless and burn! + O barren gain and bitter loss! + I kiss each bead, and strive at last to learn + To kiss the cross . . . to kiss the cross." + + Only those who have heard Jane sing THE ROSARY can possibly realise +how she sang "I KISS EACH BEAD." The lingering retrospection in each +word; breathed out a love so womanly, so beautiful, so tender, that +her identity was forgotten--even by those in the audience who knew +her best--in the magic of her rendering of the song. + +The accompaniment, which opens with a single chord, closes with a +single note. + +Jane struck it softly, lingeringly; then rose, turned from the +piano, and was leaving the platform, when a sudden burst of wild +applause broke from the audience. Jane hesitated, paused, looked at +her aunt's guests as if almost surprised to find them there. Then +the slow smile dawned in her eyes and passed to her lips. She stood +in the centre of the platform for a moment, awkwardly, almost shyly; +then moved on as men's voices began to shout "Encore! 'core!" and +left the platform by the side staircase. + +But there, behind the scenes, in the semi-darkness of screens and +curtains, a fresh surprise awaited Jane, more startling than the +enthusiastic tumult of her audience. + +At the foot of the staircase stood Garth Dalmain. His face was +absolutely colourless, and his eyes shone out from it like burning +stars. He remained motionless until she stepped from the last stair +and stood close to him. Then with a sudden movement he caught her by +the shoulders and turned her round. + +"Go back!" he said, and the overmastering need quivering in his +voice drew Jane's eyes to his in mute astonishment. "Go back at once +and sing it all over again, note for note, word for word, just as +before. Ah, don't stand here waiting! Go back now! Go back at once! +Don't you know that you MUST?" + +Jane looked into those shining eyes. Something she saw in them +excused the brusque command of his tone. Without a word, she quietly +mounted the steps and walked across the platform to the piano. +People were still applauding, and redoubled their demonstrations of +delight as she appeared; but Jane took her seat at the instrument +without giving them a thought. + +She was experiencing a very curious and unusual sensation. Never +before in her whole life had she obeyed a peremptory command. In her +childhood's days, Fraulein and Miss Jebb soon found out that they +could only obtain their desires by means of carefully worded +requests, or pathetic appeals to her good feelings and sense of +right. An unreasonable order, or a reasonable one unexplained, +promptly met with a point-blank refusal. And this characteristic +still obtained, though modified by time; and even the duchess, as a +rule, said "please" to Jane. + +But now a young man with a white face and blazing eyes had +unceremoniously swung her round, ordered her up the stairs, and +commanded her to sing a song over again, note for note, word for +word, and she was meekly going to obey. + +As she took her seat, Jane suddenly made up her mind not to sing The +Rosary again. She had many finer songs in her repertoire. The +audience expected another. Why should she disappoint those +expectations because of the imperious demands of a very highly +excited boy? + +She commenced the magnificent prelude to Handel's "Where'er you +walk," but, as she played it, her sense of truth and justice +intervened. She had not come back to sing again at the bidding of a +highly excited boy, but of a deeply moved man; and his emotion was +of no ordinary kind. That Garth Dalmain should have been so moved as +to forget even momentarily his punctilious courtesy of manner, was +the highest possible tribute to her art and to her song. While she +played the Handel theme--and played it so that a whole orchestra +seemed marshalled upon the key-board under those strong, firm +finger--she suddenly realised, though scarcely understanding it, the +MUST of which Garth had spoken, and made up her mind to yield to its +necessity. So; when the opening bars were ended, instead of singing +the grand song from Semele she paused for a moment; struck once more +The Rosary's; opening chord; and did as Garth had bidden her to do. + + "The hours I spent with thee, dear heart, + Are as a string of pearls to me; + I count them over, ev'ry one apart, + My rosary,--my rosary. + "Each hour a pearl, each pearl a prayer, + To still a heart in absence wrung; + I tell each bead unto the end, and there-- + A cross is hung! + "O memories that bless and burn! + O barren gain and bitter loss! + I kiss each bead, and strive at last to learn + To kiss the cross . . . to kiss the cross." + +When Jane left the platform, Garth was still standing motionless at +the foot of the stairs. His face was just as white as before, but +his eyes had lost that terrible look of unshed tears, which had sent +her back, at his bidding, without a word of question or +remonstrance. A wonderful light now shone in them; a light of +adoration, which touched Jane's heart because she had never before +seen anything quite like it. She smiled as she came slowly down the +steps, and held out both hands to him with an unconscious movement +of gracious friendliness. Garth stepped close to the bottom of the +staircase and took them in his, while she was still on the step +above him. + +For a moment he did not speak. Then in a low voice, vibrant with +emotion: "My God!" he said, "Oh, my God!" + +"Hush," said Jane; "I never like to hear that name spoken lightly, +Dal." + +"Spoken lightly!" he exclaimed. "No speaking lightly would be +possible for me to-night. 'Every perfect gift is from above.' When +words fail me to speak of the gift, can you wonder if I apostrophise +the Giver?" + +Jane looked steadily into his shining eyes, and a smile of pleasure +illumined her own. "So you liked my song?" she said. + +"Liked--liked your song?" repeated Garth, a shade of perplexity +crossing his face. "I do not know whether I liked your song." + +"Then why this flattering demonstration?" inquired Jane, laughing. + +"Because," said Garth, very low, "you lifted the veil, and I--I +passed within." + +He was still holding her hands in his; and, as he spoke the last two +words, he turned them gently over and, bending, kissed each palm +with an indescribably tender reverence; then, loosing them, stood on +one side, and Jane went out on to the terrace alone. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +GARTH FINDS HIS ROSARY + + +Jane spent but a very few minutes in the drawing-room that evening. +The fun in progress there was not to her taste, and the praises +heaped upon herself annoyed her. Also she wanted the quiet of her +own room in order to think over that closing episode of the concert, +which had taken place between herself and Garth, behind the scenes. +She did not feel certain how to take it. She was conscious that it +held an element which she could not fathom, and Garth's last act had +awakened in herself feelings which she did not understand. She +extremely disliked the way in which he had kissed her hands; and yet +he had put into the action such a passion of reverent worship that +it gave her a sense of consecration--of being, as it were, set apart +to minister always to the hearts of men in that perfect gift of +melody which should uplift and ennoble. She could not lose the +sensation of the impress of his lips upon the palms of her hands. It +was as if he had left behind something tangible and abiding. She +caught herself looking at them anxiously once or twice, and the +third time this happened she determined to go to her room. + +The duchess was at the piano, completely hidden from view by nearly +the whole of her house party, crowding round in fits of delighted +laughter. Ronnie had just broken through from the inmost circle to +fetch an antimacassar; and Billy, to dash to the writing-table for a +sheet of note-paper. Jane knew the note-paper meant a clerical dog +collar, and she concluded something had been worn which resembled an +antimacassar. + +She turned rather wearily and moved towards the door. Quiet and +unobserved though her retreat had been, Garth was at the door before +her. She did not know how he got there; for, as she turned to leave +the room, she had seen his sleek head close to Myra Ingleby's on the +further side of the duchess's crowd. He opened the door and Jane +passed out. She felt equally desirous of saying two things to him,-- +either: "How dared you behave in so unconventional a way?" or: "Tell +me just what you want me to do, and I will do it." + +She said neither. + +Garth followed her into the hall, lighted a candle, and threw the +match at Tommy; then handed her the silver candlestick. He was +looking absurdly happy. Jane felt annoyed with him for parading this +gladness, which she had unwittingly caused and in which she had no +share. Also she felt she must break this intimate silence. It was +saying so much which ought not to be said, since it could not be +spoken. She took her candle rather aggressively and turned upon the +second step. + +"Good-night, Dal," she said. "And do you know that you are missing +the curate?" + +He looked up at her. His eyes shone in the light of her candle. + +"No," he said. "I am neither missing nor missed. I was only waiting +in there until you went up. I shall not go back. I am going out into +the park now to breathe in the refreshing coolness of the night +breeze. And I am going to stand under the oaks and tell my beads. I +did not know I had a rosary, until to-night, but I have--I have!" + +"I should say you have a dozen," remarked Jane, dryly. + +"Then you would be wrong," replied Garth. "I have just one. But it +has many hours. I shall be able to call them all to mind when I get +out there alone. I am going to 'count each pearl.'" + +"How about the cross?" asked Jane. + +"I have not reached that yet," answered Garth. "There is no cross to +my rosary." + +"I fear there is a cross to every true rosary, Dal," said Jane +gently, "and I also fear it will go hard with you when you find +yours." + +But Garth was confident and unafraid. + +"When I find mine," he said, "I hope I shall be able to"-- +Involuntarily Jane looked at her hands. He saw the look and smiled, +though he had the grace to colour beneath his tan,--"to FACE the +cross," he said. + +Jane turned and began to mount the stairs; but Garth arrested her +with an eager question. + +"Just one moment, Miss Champion! There is something I want to ask +you. May I? Will you think me impertinent, presuming, inquisitive?" + +"I have no doubt I shall," said Jane. "But I am thinking you all +sorts of unusual things to-night; so three adjectives more or less +will not matter much. You may ask." + +"Miss Champion, have YOU a rosary?" + +Jane looked at him blankly; then suddenly understood the drift of +his question. + +"My dear boy, NO!" she said. "Thank goodness, I have kept clear of +'memories that bless and burn.' None of these things enter into my +rational and well-ordered life, and I have no wish that they +should." + +"Then," deliberated Garth, "how came you to sing THE ROSARY as if +each line were your own experience; each joy or pain a thing--long +passed, perhaps--but your own?" + +"Because," explained Jane, "I always live in a song when I sing it. +Did I not tell you the lesson I learned over the CHANT HINDOU? +Therefore I had a rosary undoubtedly when I was singing that song +to-night. But, apart from that, in the sense you mean, no, thank +goodness, I have none." + +Garth mounted two steps, bringing his eyes on a level with the +candlestick. + +"But IF you cared," he said, speaking very low, "that is how you +would care? that is as you would feel?" + +Jane considered. "Yes," she said, "IF I cared, I suppose I should +care just so, and feel as I felt during those few minutes." + +"Then it was YOU in the song, although the circumstances are not +yours?" + +"Yes, I suppose so," Jane replied, "if we can consider ourselves +apart from our circumstances. But surely this is rather an +unprofitable 'air-ball.' Goodnight, 'Master Garthie!'" + +"I say, Miss Champion! Just one thing more. Will you sing for me to- +morrow? Will you come to the music-room and sing all the lovely +things I want to hear? And will you let me play a few of your +accompaniments? Ah, promise you will come. And promise to sing +whatever I ask, and I won't bother you any more now." + +He stood looking up at her, waiting for her promise, with such +adoration shining in his eyes that Jane was startled and more than a +little troubled. Then suddenly it seemed to her that she had found +the key, and she hastened to explain it to herself and to him. + +"Oh, you dear boy!" she said. "What an artist you are! And how +difficult it is for us commonplace, matter-of-fact people to +understand the artistic temperament. Here you go, almost turning my +steady old head by your rapture over what seemed to you perfection +of sound which has reached you through the ear; just as, again and +again, you worship at the shrine of perfection of form, which +reaches you through the eye. I begin to understand how it is you +turn the heads of women when you paint them. However, you are very +delightful in your delight, and I want to go up to bed. So I promise +to sing all you want and as much as you wish to-morrow. Now keep +your promise and don't bother me any more to-night. Don't spend the +whole night in the park, and try not to frighten the deer. No, I do +not need any assistance with my candle, and I am quite used to going +upstairs by myself, thank you. Can't you hear what personal and +appropriate remarks Tommy is making down there? Now do run away, +Master Garthie, and count your pearls. And if you suddenly come upon +a cross--remember, the cross can, in all probability, be persuaded +to return to Chicago!" + +Jane was still smiling as she entered her room and placed her +candlestick on the dressing-table. + +Overdene was lighted solely by lamps and candles. The duchess +refused to modernise it by the installation of electric light. But +candles abounded, and Jane, who liked a brilliant illumination, +proceeded to light both candles in the branches on either side of +the dressing-table mirror, and in the sconces on the wall beside the +mantelpiece, and in the tall silver candlesticks upon the writing- +table. Then she seated herself in a comfortable arm-chair, reached +for her writing-case, took out her diary and a fountain pen, and +prepared to finish the day's entry. She wrote, "SANG 'THE ROSARY' AT +AUNT 'GINA'S CONCERT IN PLACE OF VELMA, FAILED (LARYNGITIS)," and +came to a full stop. + +Somehow the scene with Garth was difficult to record, and the +sensations which still remained therefrom, absolutely unwritable. +Jane sat and pondered the situation, content to allow the page to +remain blank. + +Before she rose, locked her book, and prepared for rest, she had, to +her own satisfaction, clearly explained the whole thing. Garth's +artistic temperament was the basis of the argument; and, alas, the +artistic temperament is not a very firm foundation, either for a +theory, or for the fabric of a destiny. However, FAUTE DE MIEUX, +Jane had to accept it as main factor in her mental adjustment, thus: +This vibrant emotion in Garth, so strangely disturbing to her own +solid calm, was in no sense personal to herself, excepting in so far +as her voice and musical gifts were concerned. Just as the sight of +paintable beauty crazed him with delight, making him wild with +alternate hope and despair until he obtained his wish and had his +canvas and his sitter arranged to his liking; so now, his passion +for the beautiful had been awakened, this time through the medium, +not of sight, but of sound. When she had given him his fill of song, +and allowed him to play some of her accompaniments, he would be +content, and that disquieting look of adoration would pass from +those beautiful brown eyes. Meanwhile it was pleasant to look +forward to to-morrow, though it behooved her to remember that all +this admiration had in it nothing personal to herself. He would have +gone into even greater raptures over Madame Blanche, for instance, +who had the same timbre of voice and method of singing, combined +with a beauty of person which delighted the eye the while her voice +enchanted the ear. Certainly Garth must see and hear her, +as music appeared to mean so much to him. Jane began planning this, +and then her mind turned to Pauline Lister, the lovely American +girl, whose name had been coupled with Garth Dalmain's all the +season. Jane felt certain she was just the wife he needed. Her +loveliness would content him, her shrewd common-sense and +straightforward, practical ways would counterbalance his somewhat +erratic temperament, and her adaptability would enable her to suit +herself to his surroundings, both in his northern home and amongst +his large circle of friends down south. Once married, he would give +up raving about Flower and Myra, and kissing people's hands in that- +-"absurd way," Jane was going to say, but she was invariably +truthful, even in her thoughts, and substituted "extraordinary" as +the more correct adjective--in that extraordinary way. + +She sat forward in her chair with her elbows on her knees, and held +her large hands before her, palms upward, realising again the +sensations of that moment. Then she pulled herself up sharply. "Jane +Champion, don't be a fool! You would wrong that dear, beauty-loving +boy, more than you would wrong yourself, if you took him for one +moment seriously. His homage to-night was no more personal to you +than his appreciation of the excellent dinner was personal to Aunt +Georgina's chef. In his enjoyment of the production, the producer +was included; but that was all. Be gratified at the success of your +art, and do not spoil that success by any absurd sentimentality. Now +wash your very ungainly hands and go to bed." Thus Jane to herself. + + * * * * * * * + +And under the oaks, with soft turf beneath his feet, stood Garth +Dalmain, the shy deer sleeping around unconscious of his presence; +the planets above, hanging like lamps in the deep purple of the sky. +And he, also, soliloquised. + +"I have found her," he said, in low tones of rapture, "the ideal +woman, the crown of womanhood, the perfect mate for the spirit, +soul, and body of the man who can win her.--Jane! Jane! Ah, how +blind I have been! To have known her for years, and yet not realised +her to be this. But she lifted the veil, and I passed in. Ah grand, +noble heart! She will never be able to draw the veil again between +her soul and mine. And she has no rosary. I thank God for that. No +other man possesses, or has ever possessed, that which I desire more +than I ever desired anything upon this earth, Jane's love, Jane's +tenderness. Ah, what will it mean? 'I count each pearl.' She WILL +count them some day--her pearls and mine. God spare us the cross. +Must there be a cross to every true rosary? Then God give me the +heavy end, and may the mutual bearing of it bind us together. Ah, +those dear hands! Ah, those true steadfast eyes! . . . Jane!--Jane! +Surely it has always been Jane, though I did not know it, blind fool +that I have been! But one thing I know: whereas I was blind, now I +see. And it will always be Jane from this night onward through time +and-please God--into eternity." + +The night breeze stirred his thick dark hair, and his eyes, as he +raised them, shone in the starlight. + + * * * * * * * + +And Jane, almost asleep, was roused by the tapping of her blind +against the casement, and murmured "Anything you wish, Garth, just +tell me, and I will do it." Then awakening suddenly to the +consciousness of what she had said, she sat up in the darkness and +scolded herself furiously. "Oh, you middle-aged donkey! You call +yourself staid and sensible, and a little flattery from a boy of +whom you are fond turns your head completely. Come to your senses at +once; or leave Overdene by the first train in the morning." + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +ADDED PEARLS + + +The days which followed were golden days to Jane. There was nothing +to spoil the enjoyment of a very new and strangely sweet experience. + +Garth's manner the next morning held none of the excitement or +outward demonstration which had perplexed and troubled her the +evening before. He was very quiet, and seemed to Jane older than she +had ever known him. He had very few lapses into his seven-year-old +mood, even with the duchess; and when someone chaffingly asked him +whether he was practising the correct deportment of a soon-to-be- +married man, + +"Yes," said Garth quietly, "I am." + +"Will she be at Shenstone?" inquired Ronald; for several of the +duchess's party were due at Lady Ingleby's for the following week- +end. + +"Yes," said Garth, "she will." + +"Oh, lor'!" cried Billy, dramatically. "Prithee, Benedict, are we to +take this seriously?" + +But Jane who, wrapped in the morning paper, sat near where Garth was +standing, came out from behind it to look up at him and say, so that +only he heard it "Oh, Dal, I am so glad! Did you make up your mind +last night?" + +"Yes," said Garth, turning so that he spoke to her alone, "last +night." + +"Did our talk in the afternoon have something to do with it?" + +"No, nothing whatever." + +"Was it THE ROSARY?" + +He hesitated; then said, without looking at her: "The revelation of +THE ROSARY? Yes." + +To Jane his mood of excitement was now fully explained, and she +could give herself up freely to the enjoyment of this new phase in +their friendship, for the hours of music together were a very real +delight. Garth was more of a musician than she had known, and she +enjoyed his clean, masculine touch on the piano, unblurred by slur +or pedal; more delicate than her own, where delicacy was required. +What her voice was to him during those wonderful hours he did not +express in words, for after that first evening he put a firm +restraint upon his speech. Under the oaks he had made up his mind to +wait a week before speaking, and he waited. + +But the new and strangely sweet experience to Jane was that of being +absolutely first to some one. In ways known only to himself and to +her Garth made her feel this. There was nothing for any one else to +notice, and yet she knew perfectly well that she never came into the +room without his being instantly conscious that she was there; that +she never left a room, without being at once missed by him. His +attentions were so unobtrusive and tactful that no one else realised +them. They called forth no chaff from friends and no "Hoity-toity! +What now?" from the duchess. And yet his devotion seemed always +surrounding her. For the first time in her life Jane was made to +feel herself FIRST in the whole thought of another. It made him seem +strangely her own. She took a pleasure and pride in all he said, and +did, and was; and in the hours they spent together in the music-room +she learned to know him and to understand that enthusiastic beauty- +loving, irresponsible nature, as she had never understood it before. + +The days were golden, and the parting at night was sweet, because it +gave an added zest to the pleasure of meeting in the morning. And +yet during these golden days the thought of love, in the ordinary +sense of the word, never entered Jane's mind. Her ignorance in this +matter arose, not so much from inexperience, as from too large an +experience of the travesty of the real thing; an experience which +hindered her from recognising love itself, now that love in its most +ideal form was drawing near. + +Jane had not come through a dozen seasons without receiving nearly a +dozen proposals of marriage. An heiress, independent of parents and +guardians, of good blood and lineage, a few proposals of a certain +type were inevitable. Middle-aged men--becoming bald and grey; tired +of racketing about town; with beautiful old country places and an +unfortunate lack of the wherewithal to keep them up--proposed to the +Honourable Jane Champion in a business-like way, and the Honourable +Jane looked them up and down, and through and through, until they +felt very cheap, and then quietly refused them, in an equally +business-like way. + +Two or three nice boys, whom she had pulled out of scrapes and set +on their feet again after hopeless croppers, had thought, in a wave +of maudlin gratitude, how good it would be for a fellow always to +have her at hand to keep him straight and tell him what he ought to +do, don't you know? and--er--well, yes--pay his debts, and be a sort +of mother-who-doesn't scold kind of person to him; and had caught +hold of her kind hand, and implored her to marry them. Jane had +slapped them if they ventured to touch her, and recommended them not +to be silly. + +One solemn proposal she had had quite lately from the bachelor +rector of a parish adjoining Overdene. He had often inflicted +wearisome conversations upon her; and when he called, intending to +put the momentous question, Jane, who was sitting at her writing- +table in the Overdene drawing-room, did not see any occasion to move +from it. If the rector became too prosy, she could surreptitiously +finish a few notes. He sank into a deep arm-chair close to the +writing-table, crossed his somewhat bandy legs one over the other, +made the tips of his fingers meet with unctuous accuracy, and +intoned the opening sentences of his proposition. Jane, sharpening +pencils and sorting nibs, apparently only caught the drift of what +he was saying, for when he had chanted the phrase, "Not alone from +selfish motives, my dear Miss Champion; but for the good of my +parish; for the welfare of my flock, for the advancement of the work +of the church in our midst," Jane opened a despatch-box and drew out +her cheque-book. + +"I shall be delighted to subscribe, Mr. Bilberry," she said. "Is it +for a font, a pulpit, new hymn-books, or what?" + +"My dear lady," said the rector tremulously, "you misunderstand me. +My desire is to lead you to the altar." + +"Dear Mr. Bilberry," said Jane Champion, "that would be quite +unnecessary. From any part of your church the fact that you need a +new altar-cloth is absolutely patent to all comers. I will, with the +greatest pleasure, give you a cheque for ten pounds towards it. I +have attended your church rather often lately because I enjoy a +long, quiet walk by myself through the woods. And now I am sure you +would like to see my aunt before you go. She is in the aviary, +feeding her foreign birds. If you go out by that window and pass +along the terrace to your left, you will find the aviary and the +duchess. I would suggest the advisability of not mentioning this +conversation to my aunt. She does not approve of elaborate altar- +cloths, and would scold us both, and insist on the money being spent +in providing boots for the school children. No, please do not thank +me. I am really glad of an opportunity of helping on your excellent +work in this neighbourhood." + +Jane wondered once or twice whether the cheque would be cashed. She +would have liked to receive it back by post, torn in half; with a +few wrathful lines of manly indignation. But when it returned to her +in due course from her bankers, it was indorsed P. BILBERRY, in a +neat scholarly hand, without even a dash of indignation beneath it; +and she threw it into the waste-paper basket, with rather a bitter +smile. + +These were Jane's experiences of offers of marriage. She had never +been loved for her own sake; she had never felt herself really first +in the heart and life of another. And now, when the adoring love of +a man's whole being was tenderly, cautiously beginning to surround +and envelop her, she did not recognise the reason of her happiness +or of his devotion. She considered him the avowed lover of another +woman, with whose youth and loveliness she would not have dreamed of +competing; and she regarded this closeness of intimacy between +herself and Garth as a development of a friendship more beautiful +than she had hitherto considered possible. + +Thus matters stood when Tuesday arrived and the Overdene party broke +up. Jane went to town to spend a couple of days with the Brands. +Garth went straight to Shenstone, where he had been asked expressly +to meet Miss Lister and her aunt, Mrs. Parker Bangs. Jane was due at +Shenstone on Friday for the week-end. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +LADY INGLEBY'S HOUSE PARTY + + +As Jane took her seat and the train moved out of the London terminus +she leaned back in her corner with a sigh of satisfaction. Somehow +these days in town had seemed insufferably long. Jane reviewed them +thoughtfully, and sought the reason. They had been filled with +interests and engagements; and the very fact of being in town, as a +rule, contented her. Why had she felt so restless and dissatisfied +and lonely? + +From force of habit she had just stopped at the railway book-stall +for her usual pile of literature. Her friends always said Jane could +not go even the shortest journey without at least half a dozen +papers. But now they lay unheeded on the seat in front of her. Jane +was considering her Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, and wondering +why they had merely been weary stepping-stones to Friday. And here +was Friday at last, and once in the train en route for Shenstone, +she began to feel happy and exhilarated. What had been the matter +with these three days? Flower had been charming; Deryck, his own +friendly, interesting self; little Dicky, delightful; and Baby +Blossom, as sweet as only Baby Blossom could be. What was amiss? + +"I know," said Jane. "Of course! Why did I not realise it before? I +had too much music during those last days at Overdene; and SUCH +music! I have been suffering from a surfeit of music, and the miss +of it has given me this blank feeling of loneliness. No doubt we +shall have plenty at Myra's, and Dal will be there to clamour for it +if Myra fails to suggest it." + +With a happy little smile of pleasurable anticipation, Jane took up +the SPECTATOR, and was soon absorbed in an article on the South +African problem. + +Myra met her at the station, driving ponies tandem. A light cart was +also there for the maid and baggage; and, without losing a moment, +Jane and her hostess were off along the country lane at a brisk +trot. + +The fields and woods were an exquisite restful green in the +afternoon sunshine. Wild roses clustered in the hedges. The last +loads of hay were being carted in. There was an ecstasy in the songs +of the birds and a transporting sense of sweetness about all the +sights and scents of the country, such as Jane had never experienced +so vividly before. She drew a deep breath and exclaimed, almost +involuntarily: "Ah! it is good to be here!" + +"You dear!" said Lady Ingleby, twirling her whip and nodding in +gracious response to respectful salutes from the hay-field. "It is a +comfort to have you! I always feel you are like the bass of a tune-- +something so solid and satisfactory and beneath one in case of a +crisis. I hate crises. They are so tiring. As I say: Why can't +things always go on as they are? They are as they were, and they +were as they will be, if only people wouldn't bother. However, I am +certain nothing could go far wrong when YOU are anywhere near." + +Myra flicked the leader, who was inclined to "sugar," and they flew +along between the high hedges, brushing lightly against overhanging +masses of honeysuckle and wild clematis. Jane snatched a spray of +the clematis, in passing. "'Traveller's joy,'" she said, with that +same quiet smile of glad anticipation, and put the white blossom in +her buttonhole. + +"Well," continued Lady Ingleby, "my house party is going on quite +satisfactorily. Oh, and, Jane, there seems no doubt about Dal. How +pleased I shall be if it comes off under my wing! The American girl +is simply exquisite, and so vivacious and charming. And Dal has +quite given up being silly--not that _I_ ever thought him silly, but +I know YOU did--and is very quiet and pensive; really were it any +one but he, one would almost say 'dull.' And they roam about +together in the most approved fashion. I try to get the aunt to make +all her remarks to me. I am so afraid of her putting Dal off. He is +so fastidious. I have promised Billy anything, up to the half of my +kingdom, if he will sit at the feet of Mrs. Parker Bangs and listen +to her wisdom, answer her questions, and keep her away from Dal. +Billy is being so abjectly devoted in his attentions to Mrs. Parker +Bangs that I begin to have fears lest he intends asking me to kiss +him; in which case I shall hand him over to you to chastise. You +manage these boys so splendidly. I fully believe Dal will propose to +Pauline Lister tonight. I can't imagine why he didn't last night. +There was a most perfect moon, and they went on the lake. What more +COULD Dal want?--a lake, and a moon, and that lovely girl! Billy +took Mrs. Parker Bangs in a double canoe and nearly upset her +through laughing so much at the things she said about having to sit +flat on the bottom. But he paddled her off to the opposite side of +the lake from Dal and her niece, which was all we wanted. Mrs. +Parker Bangs asked me afterwards whether Billy is a widower. Now +what do you suppose she meant by that?" + +"I haven't the faintest idea," said Jane. "But I am delighted to +hear about Dal and Miss Lister. She is just the girl for him, and +she will soon adapt herself to his ways and needs. Besides, Dal MUST +have flawless loveliness, and really he gets it there." + +"He does indeed," said Myra. "You should have seen her last night, +in white satin, with wild roses in her hair. I cannot imagine why +Dal did not rave. But perhaps it is a good sign that he should take +things more quietly. I suppose he is making up his mind." + +"No," said Jane. "I believe he did that at Overdene. But it means a +lot to him. He takes marriage very seriously. Whom have you at +Shenstone?" + +Lady Ingleby told off a list of names. Jane knew them all. + +"Delightful!" she said. "Oh! how glad I am to be here! London has +been so hot and so dull. I never thought it hot or dull before. I +feel a renegade. Ah! there is the lovely little church! I want to +hear the new organ. I was glad your nice parson remembered me and +let me have a share in it. Has it two manuals or three?" + +"Half a dozen I think," said Lady Ingleby, "and you work them up and +down with your feet. But I judged it wiser to leave them alone when +I played for the children's service one Sunday. You never know quite +what will happen if you touch those mechanical affairs." + +"Don't you mean the composition pedals?" suggested Jane. + +"I dare say I do," said Myra placidly. "Those things underneath, +like foot-rests, which startle you horribly if you accidentally kick +them." + +Jane smiled at the thought of how Garth would throw back his head +and shout, if she told him of this conversation. Lady Ingleby's +musical remarks always amused her friends. + +They passed the village church on the green, ivy-clad, picturesque, +and, half a minute later, swerved in at the park gates. Myra saw +Jane glance at the gate-post they had just shaved, and laughed. "A +miss is as good as a mile," she said, as they dashed up the long +drive between the elms, "as I told dear mamma, when she expostulated +wrathfully with me for what she called my 'furious driving' the +other day. By the way, Jane, dear mamma has been quite CORDIAL +lately. By the time I am seventy and she is ninety-eight I think she +will begin to be almost fond of me. Here we are. Do notice Lawson. +He is new, and such a nice man. He sings so well, and plays the +concertina a little, and teaches in the Sunday-school, and speaks +really quite excellently at temperance meetings. He is extremely +fond of mowing the lawns, and my maid tells me he is studying French +with her. The only thing he seems really incapable of being, is an +efficient butler; which is so unfortunate, as I like him far too +well ever to part with him. Michael says I have a perfectly fatal +habit of LIKING PEOPLE, and of encouraging them to do the things +they do well and enjoy doing, instead of the things they were +engaged to do. I suppose I have; but I do like my household to be +happy." + +They alighted, and Myra trailed into the hall with a lazy grace +which gave no indication of the masterly way she had handled her +ponies, but rather suggested stepping from a comfortable seat in a +barouche. Jane looked with interest at the man-servant who came +forward and deftly assisted them. He had not quite the air of a +butler but neither could she imagine him playing a concertina or +haranguing a temperance meeting and he acquitted himself quite +creditably. + +"Oh, that was not Lawson," explained Myra, as she led the way +upstairs. "I had forgotten. He had to go to the vicarage this +afternoon to see the vicar about a 'service of song' they are +getting up. That was Tom, but we call him 'Jephson' in the house. He +was one of Michael's stud grooms, but he is engaged to one of the +housemaids, and I found he so very much preferred being in the +house, so I have arranged for him to understudy Lawson, and he is +growing side whiskers. I shall have to break it to Michael on his +return from Norway. This way, Jane. We have put you in the Magnolia +room. I knew you would enjoy the view of the lake. Oh, I forgot to +tell you, a tennis tournament is in progress. I must hasten to the +courts. Tea will be going on there, under the chestnuts. Dal and +Ronnie are to play the final for the men's singles. It ought to be a +fine match. It was to come on at about half-past four. Don't wait to +do any changings. Your maid and your luggage can't be here just +yet." + +"Thanks," said Jane; "I always travel in country clothes, and have +done so to-day, as you see. I will just get rid of the railway dust, +and follow you." + +Ten minutes later, guided by sounds of cheering and laughter, Jane +made her way through the shrubbery to the tennis lawns. The whole of +Lady Ingleby's house party was assembled there, forming a +picturesque group under the white and scarlet chestnut-trees. +Beyond, on the beautifully kept turf of the court, an exciting set +was in progress. As she approached, Jane could distinguish Garth's +slim, agile figure, in white flannels and the violet shirt; and +young Ronnie, huge and powerful, trusting to the terrific force of +his cuts and drives to counterbalance Garth's keener eye and swifter +turn of wrist. + +It was a fine game. Garth had won the first set by six to four, and +now the score stood at five to four in Ronnie's favour; but this +game was Garth's service, and he was almost certain to win it. The +score would then be "games all." + +Jane walked along the line of garden chairs to where she saw a +vacant one near Myra. She was greeted with delight, but hurriedly, +by the eager watchers of the game. + +Suddenly a howl went up. Garth had made two faults. + +Jane found her chair, and turned her attention to the game. Almost +instantly shrieks of astonishment and surprise again arose. Garth +had served INTO the net and OVER the line. Game and set were +Ronnie's. + +"One all," remarked Billy. "Well! I never saw Dal do THAT before. +However; it gives us the bliss of watching another set. They are +splendidly matched. Dal is lightning, and Ronnie thunder." + +The players crossed over, Garth rather white beneath his tan. He was +beyond words vexed with himself for failing in his service, at that +critical juncture. Not that he minded losing the set; but it seemed +to him it must be patent to the whole crowd, that it was the sight, +out of the tail of his eye, of a tall grey figure moving quietly +along the line of chairs, which for a moment or two set earth and +sky whirling, and made a confused blur of net and lines. As a matter +of fact, only one of the onlookers connected Garth's loss of the +game with Jane's arrival, and she was the lovely girl, seated +exactly opposite the net, with whom he exchanged a smile and a word +as he crossed to the other side of the court. + +The last set proved the most exciting of the three. Nine hard-fought +games, five to Garth, four to Ronnie. And now Ronnie was serving, +and fighting hard to make it games-all. Over and over enthusiastic +partisans of both shouted "Deuce!" and then when Garth had won the +"vantage," a slashing over-hand service from Ronnie beat him, and it +was "deuce" again. + +"Don't it make one giddy?" said Mrs. Parker Bangs to Billy, who +reclined on the sward at her feet. "I should say it has gone on long +enough. And they must both be wanting their tea. It would have been +kind in Mr. Dalmain to have let that ball pass, anyway." + +"Yes, wouldn't it?" said Billy earnestly. "But you see, Dal is not +naturally kind. Now, if I had been playing against Ronnie, I should +have let those over-hand balls of his pass long ago." + +"I am sure you would," said Mrs. Parker Bangs, approvingly; while +Jane leaned over, at Myra's request, and pinched Billy. + +Slash went Ronnie's racket. "Deuce! deuce!" shouted half a dozen +voices. + +"They shouldn't say that," remarked Mrs. Parker Bangs, "even if they +are mad about it." + +Billy hugged his knees, delightedly; looking up at her with an +expression of seraphic innocence. + +"No. Isn't it sad?" he murmured. "I never say naughty words when I +play. I always say 'Game love.' It sounds so much nicer, I think." + +Jane pinched again, but Billy's rapt gaze at Mrs. Parker Bangs +continued. + +"Billy," said Myra sternly, "go into the hall and fetch my scarlet +sunshade. Yes, I dare say you WILL miss the finish," she added in a +stern whisper, as he leaned over her chair, remonstrating; "but you +richly deserve it." + +"I have made up my mind what to ask, dear queen," whispered Billy as +he returned, breathless, three minutes later and laid the parasol in +Lady Ingleby's lap. "You promised me anything, up to the half of +your kingdom. I will have the head of Mrs. Parker Bangs in a +charger." + +"Oh, shut up, Billy!" exclaimed Jane, "and get out of the light! We +missed that last stroke. What is the score?" + +Once again it was Garth's vantage, and once again Ronnie's arm swung +high for an untakable smasher. + +"Play up, Dal!" cried a voice, amid the general hubbub. + +Garth knew that dear voice. He did not look in its direction, but he +smiled. The next moment his arm shot out like a flash of lightning. +The ball touched ground on Ronnie's side of the net and shot the +length of the court without rising. Ronnie's wild scoop at it was +hopeless. Game and set were Garth's. + +They walked off the ground together, their rackets under their arms, +the flush of a well-contested fight on their handsome faces. It had +been so near a thing that both could sense the thrill of victory. + + Pauline Lister had been sitting with Garth's coat on her lap, and +his watch and chain were in her keeping. He paused a moment to take +them up and receive her congratulations; then, slipping on his coat, +and pocketing his watch, came straight to Jane. + +"How do you do, Miss Champion?" + +His eyes sought hers eagerly; and the welcoming gladness he saw in +them filled him with certainty and content. He had missed her so +unutterably during these days. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday had +just been weary stepping-stones to Friday. It seemed incredible that +one person's absence could make so vast a difference. And yet how +perfect that it should be so; and that they should both realise it, +now the day had come when he intended to tell her how desperately he +wanted her always. Yes, that they should BOTH realise it--for he +felt certain Jane had also experienced the blank. A thing so +complete and overwhelming as the miss of her had been to him could +not be one-sided. And how well worth the experience of these lonely +days if they had thereby learned something of what TOGETHER meant, +now the words were to be spoken which should insure forever no more +such partings. + +All this sped through Garth's mind as he greeted Jane with that most +commonplace of English greetings, the everlasting question which +never receives an answer. But from Garth, at that moment, it did not +sound commonplace to Jane, and she answered it quite frankly and +fully. She wanted above all things to tell him exactly how she did; +to hear all about himself, and compare notes on the happenings of +these three interminable days; and to take up their close +comradeship again, exactly where it had left off. Her hand went home +to his with that firm completeness of clasp, which always made a +hand shake with Jane such a satisfactory and really friendly thing. + +"Very fit, thank you, Dal," she answered. "At least I am every +moment improving in health and spirits, now I have arrived here at +last." + +Garth stood his racket against the arm of her chair and deposited +himself full length on the grass beside her, leaning on his elbow. + +"Was anything wrong with London?" he asked, rather low, not looking +up at her, but at the smart brown shoe, planted firmly on the grass +so near his hand. "Nothing was wrong with London," replied Jane +frankly; "it was hot and dusty of course, but delightful as usual. +Something was wrong with ME; and you will be ashamed of me, Dal, if +I confess what it was." + +Garth did not look up, but assiduously picked little blades of grass +and laid them in a pattern on Jane's shoe. This conversation would +have been exactly to the point had they been alone. But was Jane +really going to announce to the assembled company, in that dear, +resonant, carrying voice of hers, the sweet secret of their miss of +one another? + +"Liver?" inquired Mrs. Parker Bangs suddenly. + +"Muffins!" exclaimed Billy instantly, and, rushing for them, almost +shot them into her lap in the haste with which he handed them, +stumbling headlong over Garth's legs at the same moment. + +Jane stared at Mrs. Parker Bangs and her muffins; then looked down +at the top of Garth's dark head, bent low over the grass. + +"I was dull," she said, "intolerably dull. And Dal always says 'only +a dullard is dull.' But I diagnosed my dulness in the train just now +and found it was largely his fault. Do you hear, Dal?" + +Garth lifted his head and looked at her, realising in that moment +that it was, after all, possible for a complete and overwhelming +experience to be one-sided. Jane's calm grey eyes were full of gay +friendliness. + +"It was your fault, my dear boy," said Jane. + +"How so?" queried Garth; and though there was a deep flush on his +sunburned face, his voice was quietly interrogative. + +"Because, during those last days at Overdene, you led me on into a +time of musical dissipation such as I had never known before, and I +missed it to a degree which was positively alarming. I began to fear +for the balance of my well-ordered mind." + +"Well," said Myra, coming out from behind her red parasol, "you and +Dal can have orgies of music here if you want them. You will find a +piano in the drawing-room and another in the hall, and a Bechstein +grand in the billiard-room. That is where I hold the practices for +the men and maids. I could not make up my mind which makers I really +preferred, Erard, Broadwood, Collard, or Bechstein; so by degrees I +collected one of each. And after all I think I play best upon the +little cottage piano we had in the school-room at home. It stands in +my boudoir now. I seem more accustomed to its notes, or it lends +itself better to my way of playing." + +"Thank you, Myra," said Jane. "I fancy Dal and I will like the +Bechstein." + +"And if you want something really exciting in the way of music," +continued Lady Ingleby, "you might attend some of the rehearsals for +this 'service of song' they are getting up in aid of the organ +deficit fund. I believe they are attempting great things." + +"I would sooner pay off the whole deficit, than go within a mile of +a 'service of song,'" said Jane emphatically. + +"Oh, no," put in Garth quickly, noting Myra's look of +disappointment. "It is so good for people to work off their own +debts and earn the things they need in their churches. And 'services +of song' are delightful if well done, as I am sure this will be if +Lady Ingleby's people are in it. Lawson outlined it to me this +morning, and hummed all the principal airs. It is highly dramatic. +Robinson Crusoe--no, of course not! What's the beggar's name? 'Uncle +Tom's Cabin'? Yes, I knew it was something black. Lawson is Uncle +Tom, and the vicar's small daughter is to be little Eva. Miss +Champion, you will walk down with me to the very next rehearsal." + +"Shall I?" said Jane, unconscious of how tender was the smile she +gave him; conscious only that in her own heart was the remembrance +of the evening at Overdene when she felt so inclined to say to him: +"Tell me just what you want me to do, and I will do it." + +"Pauline will just love to go with you," said Mrs. Parker Bangs. +"She dotes on rural music." + +"Rubbish, aunt!" said Miss Lister, who had slipped into an empty +chair near Myra. "I agree with Miss Champion about 'services of +song,' and I don't care for any music but the best." + +Jane turned to her quickly, with a cordial smile and her most +friendly manner. "Ah, but you must come," she said. "We will be +victimised together. And perhaps Dal and Lawson will succeed in +converting us to the cult of the 'service of song.' And anyway it +will be amusing to have Dal explain it to us. He will need the +courage of his convictions." + +"Talking of something 'really exciting in the way of music,'" said +Pauline Lister, "we had it on board when we came over. There was a +nice friendly crowd on board the Arabic, and they arranged a concert +for half-past eight on the Thursday evening. We were about two +hundred miles off the coast of Ireland, and when we came up from +dinner we had run into a dense fog. At eight o'clock they started +blowing the fog-horn every half-minute, and while the fog-horn was +sounding you couldn't hear yourself speak. However, all the +programmes were printed, and it was our last night on board, so they +concluded to have the concert all the same. Down we all trooped into +the saloon, and each item of that programme was punctuated by the +stentorian BOO of the fog-horn every thirty seconds. You never heard +anything so cute as the way it came in, right on time. A man with a +deep bass voice sang ROCKED IN THE CRADLE OF THE DEEP, and each time +he reached the refrain, 'And calm and peaceful is my sle-eep,' BOO +went the fog-horn, casting a certain amount of doubt on our +expectations of peaceful sleep that night, anyway. Then a man with a +sweet tenor sang OFT IN THE STILLY NIGHT, and the fog-horn showed us +just how oft, namely, every thirty seconds. But the queerest effect +of all was when a girl had to play a piano-forte solo. It was +something of Chopin's, full of runs and trills and little silvery +notes. She started all right; but when she was half-way down the +first page, BOO went the fog-horn, a longer blast than usual. We saw +her fingers flying, and the turning of the page, but not a note +could we hear; and when the old horn stopped and we could hear the +piano again, she had reached a place half-way down the second page, +and we hadn't heard what led to it. My! it was funny. That went on +all through. She was a plucky girl to stick to it. We gave her a +good round of applause when she had finished, and the fog-horn +joined in and drowned us. It was the queerest concert experience I +ever had. But we all enjoyed it. Only we didn't enjoy that noise +keeping right on until five o'clock next morning" + + Jane had turned in her chair, and listened with appreciative +interest while the lovely American girl talked, watching, with real +delight, her exquisite face and graceful gestures, and thinking how +Dal must enjoy looking at her when she talked with so much charm and +animation. She glanced down, trying to see the admiration in his +eyes; but his head was bent, and he was apparently absorbed in the +occupation of tracing the broguing of her shoes with the long stalk +of a chestnut leaf. For a moment she watched the slim brown hand, as +carefully intent on this useless task, as if working on a canvas; +then she suddenly withdrew her foot, feeling almost vexed with him +for his inattention and apparent indifference. + + Garth sat up instantly. "It must have been awfully funny," he said. +"And how well you told it. One could hear the fog-horn, and see the +dismayed faces of the performers. Like an earthquake, a fog-horn is +the sort of thing you don't ever get used to. It sounds worse every +time. Let's each tell the funniest thing we remember at a concert. I +once heard a youth recite Tennyson's Charge of the Light Brigade +with much dramatic action. But he was extremely nervous, and got +rather mixed. In describing the attitude of mind of the noble six +hundred, he told us impressively that it was" + +"'Theirs not to make reply; +Theirs not to do or die; +Theirs BUT TO REASON WHY.'" + +"The tone and action were all right, and I doubt whether many of the +audience noticed anything wrong with the words." + + "That reminds me," said Ronald Ingram, "of quite the funniest thing +I ever heard. It was at a Thanksgiving service when some of our +troops returned from South Africa. The proceedings concluded by the +singing of the National Anthem right through. You recollect how +recently we had had to make the change of pronoun, and how difficult +it was to remember not to shout:" + +"'Send HER victorious'? Well, there was a fellow just behind me, +with a tremendous voice, singing lustily, and taking special pains +to get the pronouns correct throughout. And when he reached the +fourth line of the second verse he sang with loyal fervour." + + "'Confound HIS politics, + Frustrate HIS knavish tricks!'" + +"That would amuse the King," said Lady Ingleby. "Are you sure it is +a fact, Ronnie?" + +"Positive! I could tell you the church, and the day, and call a +whole pewful of witnesses who were convulsed by it." + +"Well, I shall tell his Majesty at the next opportunity, and say you +heard it. But how about the tennis? What comes next? Final for +couples? Oh, yes! Dal, you and Miss Lister play Colonel Loraine and +Miss Vermount; and I think you ought to win fairly easily. You two +are so well matched. Jane, this will be worth watching." + +"I am sure it will," said Jane warmly, looking at the two, who had +risen and stood together in the evening sunlight, examining their +rackets and discussing possible tactics, while awaiting their +opponents. They made such a radiantly beautiful couple; it was as if +nature had put her very best and loveliest into every detail of +each. The only fault which could possibly have been found with the +idea of them wedded, was that her dark, slim beauty was so very much +just a feminine edition of his, that they might easily have been +taken for brother and sister; but this was not a fault which +occurred to Jane. Her whole-hearted admiration of Pauline increased +every time she looked at her; and now she had really seen them +together, she felt sure she had given wise advice to Garth, and +rejoiced to know he was taking it. + + * * * * * * * + +Later on, as they strolled back to the house together,--she and +Garth alone,--Jane said, simply: "Dal, you will not mind if I ask? +Is it settled yet?" + +"I mind nothing you ask," Garth replied; "only be more explicit. Is +what settled?" + +"Are you and Miss Lister engaged?" + +"No," Garth answered. "What made you suppose we should be?" + +"You said at Overdene on Tuesday--TUESDAY! oh! doesn't it seem weeks +ago?--you said we were to take you seriously." + +"It seems years ago," said Garth; "and I sincerely hope you will +take me--seriously. All the same I have not proposed to Miss Lister; +and I am anxious for an undisturbed talk with you on the subject. +Miss Champion, after dinner to-night, when all the games and +amusements are in full swing, and we can escape unobserved, will you +come out onto the terrace with me, where I shall be able to speak to +you without fear of interruption? The moonlight on the lake is worth +seeing from the terrace. I spent an hour out there last night--ah, +no; you are wrong for once--I spent it alone, when the boating was +over, and thought of--how--to-night--we might be talking there +together." + +"Certainly I will come," said Jane; "and you must feel free to tell +me anything you wish, and promise to let me advise or help in any +way I can." + +"I will tell you everything," said Garth very low, "and you shall +advise and help as ONLY you can." + + * * * * * * * + +Jane sat on her window-sill, enjoying the sunset and the exquisite +view, and glad of a quiet half-hour before she need think of +summoning her maid. Immediately below her ran the terrace, wide and +gravelled, bounded by a broad stone parapet, behind which was a drop +of eight or ten feet to the old-fashioned garden, with quaint box- +bordered flower-beds, winding walks, and stone fountains. Beyond, a +stretch of smooth lawn sloping down to the lake, which now lay, a +silver mirror, in the soft evening light. The stillness was so +perfect; the sense of peace, so all-pervading. Jane held a book on +her knee, but she was not reading. She was looking away to the +distant woods beyond the lake; then to the pearly sky above, flecked +with rosy clouds and streaked with gleams of gold; and a sense of +content, and gladness, and well-being, filled her. + +Presently she heard a light step on the gravel below and leaned +forward to see to whom it belonged. Garth had come out of the +smoking-room and walked briskly to and fro, once or twice. Then he +threw himself into a wicker seat just beneath her window, and sat +there, smoking meditatively. The fragrance of his cigarette reached +Jane, up among the magnolia blossoms. "'Zenith,' Marcovitch," she +said to herself, and smiled. "Packed in jolly green boxes, twelve +shillings a hundred! I must remember in case I want to give him a +Christmas present. By then it will be difficult to find anything +which has not already been showered upon him." + +Garth flung away the end of his cigarette, and commenced humming +below his breath; then gradually broke into words and sang softly, +in his sweet barytone: + + "'It is not mine to sing the stately grace, + The great soul beaming in my lady's face.'" + +The tones, though quiet, were so vibrant with passionate feeling, +that Jane felt herself an eavesdropper. She hastily picked a large +magnolia leaf and, leaning out, let it fall upon his head. Garth +started, and looked up. "Hullo!" he said. "YOU--up there?" + +"Yes," said Jane, laughing down at him, and speaking low lest other +casements should be open, "I--up here. You are serenading the wrong +window, dear 'devout lover.'" + +"What a lot you know about it," remarked Garth, rather moodily. + +"Don't I?" whispered Jane. "But you must not mind, Master Garthie, +because you know how truly I care. In old Margery's absence, you +must let me be mentor." + +Garth sprang up and stood erect, looking up at her, half-amused, +half-defiant. + +"Shall I climb the magnolia?" he said. "I have heaps to say to you +which cannot be shouted to the whole front of the house." + +"Certainly not," replied Jane. "I don't want any Romeos coming in at +my window. 'Hoity-toity! What next?' as Aunt 'Gina would say. Run +along and change your pinafore, Master Garthie. The 'heaps of +things' must keep until to-night, or we shall both be late for +dinner." + +"All right," said Garth, "all right. But you will come out here this +evening, Miss Champion? And you will give me as long as I want?" + +"I will come as soon as we can possibly escape," replied Jane; "and +you cannot be more anxious to tell me everything than I am to hear +it. Oh! the scent of these magnolias! And just look at the great +white trumpets! Would you like one for your buttonhole?" + +He gave her a wistful, whimsical little smile; then turned and went +indoors. + +"Why do I feel so inclined to tease him?" mused Jane, as she moved, +from the window. "Really it is I who have been silly this time; and +he, staid and sensible. Myra is quite right. He is taking it very +seriously. And how about her? Ah! I hope she cares enough, and in +the right way.--Come in, Matthews! And you can put out the gown I +wore on the night of the concert at Overdene, and we must make +haste. We have just twenty minutes. What a lovely evening! Before +you do anything else, come and see this sunset on the lake. Ah! it +is good to be here!" + + + + +CHAPTER X + +THE REVELATION + + +All the impatience in the world could not prevent dinner at +Shenstone from being a long function, and two of the most popular +people in the party could not easily escape afterwards unnoticed. So +a distant clock in the village was striking ten, as Garth and Jane +stepped out on to the terrace together. Garth caught up a rug in +passing, and closed the door of the lower hall carefully behind him. + +They were quite alone. It was the first time they had been really +alone since these days apart, which had seemed so long to both. + +They walked silently, side by side, to the wide stone parapet +overlooking the old-fashioned garden. The silvery moonlight flooded +the whole scene with radiance. They could see the stiff box-borders, +the winding paths, the queerly shaped flower-beds, and, beyond, the +lake, like a silver mirror, reflecting the calm loveliness of the +full moon. + +Garth spread the rug on the coping, and Jane sat down. He stood +beside her, one foot on the coping, his arms folded across his +chest, his head erect. Jane had seated herself sideways, turning +towards him, her back to an old stone lion mounting guard upon the +parapet; but she turned her head still further, to look down upon +the lake, and she thought Garth was looking in the same direction. + +But Garth was looking at Jane. + +She wore the gown of soft trailing black material she had worn at +the Overdene concert, only she had not on the pearls or, indeed, any +ornament save a cluster of crimson rambler roses. They nestled in +the soft, creamy old lace which covered the bosom of her gown. There +was a quiet strength and nobility about her attitude which thrilled +the soul of the man who stood watching her. All the adoring love, +the passion of worship, which filled his heart, rose to his eyes and +shone there. No need to conceal it now. His hour had come at last, +and he had nothing to hide from the woman he loved. + +Presently she turned, wondering why he did not begin his confidences +about Pauline Lister. Looking up inquiringly, she met his eyes. + +"Dal!" cried Jane, and half rose from her seat. "Oh, Dal,--don't!" + +He gently pressed her back. "Hush, dear," he said. "I must tell you +everything, and you have promised to listen, and to advise and help. +Ah, Jane, Jane! I shall need your help. I want it so greatly, and +not only your help, Jane--but YOU--you, yourself. Ah, how I want +you! These three days have been one continual ache of loneliness, +because you were not there; and life began to live and move again, +when you returned. And yet it has been so hard, waiting all these +hours to speak. I have so much to tell you, Jane, of all you are to +me--all you have become to me, since the night of the concert. Ah, +how can I express it? I have never had any big things in my life; +all has been more or less trivial--on the surface. This need of you- +-this wanting you--is so huge. It dwarfs all that went before; it +would overwhelm all that is to come,--were it not that it will be +the throne, the crown, the summit, of the future.--Oh, Jane! I have +admired so many women. I have raved about them, sighed for them, +painted them, and forgotten them. But I never LOVED a woman before; +I never knew what womanhood meant to a man, until I heard your voice +thrill through the stillness--'I count each pearl.' Ah, beloved, I +have learned to count pearls since then, precious hours in the past, +long forgotten, now remembered, and at last understood. 'Each hour a +pearl, each pearl a prayer,' ay, a passionate plea that past and +present may blend together into a perfect rosary, and that the +future may hold no possibility of pain or parting. Oh, Jane--Jane! +Shall I ever be able to make you understand--all--how much--Oh, +JANE!" + +She was not sure just when he had come so near; but he had dropped +on one knee in front of her, and, as he uttered the last broken +sentences, he passed both his arms around her waist and pressed his +face into the soft lace at her bosom. A sudden quietness came over +him. All struggling with explanations seemed hushed into the silence +of complete comprehension--an all-pervading, enveloping silence. + +Jane neither moved nor spoke. It was so strangely sweet to have him +there--this whirlwind of emotion come home to rest, in a great +stillness, just above her quiet heart. Suddenly she realised that +the blank of the last three days had not been the miss of the music, +but the miss of HIM; and as she realised this, she unconsciously +put her arms about him. Sensations unknown to her before, awoke and +moved within her,--a heavenly sense of aloofness from the world, the +loneliness of life all swept away by this dear fact--just he and she +together. Even as she thought it, felt it, he lifted his head, still +holding her, and looking into her face, said: "You and I together, +my own--my own." + +But those beautiful shining eyes were more than Jane could bear. The +sense of her plainness smote her, even in that moment; and those +adoring eyes seemed lights that revealed it. With no thought in her +mind but to hide the outward part from him who had suddenly come so +close to the shrine within, she quickly put both hands behind his +head and pressed his face down again, into the lace at her bosom. +But, to him, those dear firm hands holding him close, by that sudden +movement, seemed an acceptance of himself and of all he had to +offer. For ten, twenty, thirty exquisite seconds, his soul throbbed +in silence and rapture beyond words. Then he broke from the pressure +of those restraining hands; lifted his head, and looked into her +face once more. + +"My wife!" he said. + + * * * * * * * + +Into Jane's honest face came a look of startled wonder; then a deep +flush, seeming to draw all the blood, which had throbbed so +strangely through her heart, into her cheeks, making them burn, and +her heart die within her. She disengaged herself from his hold, +rose, and stood looking away to where the still waters of the lake +gleamed silver in the moonlight. + +Garth Dalmain stood beside her. He did not touch her, nor did he +speak again. He felt sure he had won; and his whole soul was filled +with a gladness unspeakable. His spirit was content. The intense +silence seemed more expressive than words. Any ordinary touch would +have dimmed the sense of those moments when her hands had held him +to her. So he stood quite still and waited. + +At last Jane spoke. "Do you mean that you wish to ask me to be--to +be THAT--to you?" + +"Yes, dear," he answered, gently; but in his voice vibrated the +quiet of strong self-control. "At least I came out here intending to +ask it of you. But I cannot ask it now, beloved. I can't ask you TO +BE what you ARE already. No promise, no ceremony, no giving or +receiving of a ring, could make you more my wife than you have been +just now in those wonderful moments." + +Jane slowly turned and looked at him. She had never seen anything so +radiant as his face. But still those shining eyes smote her like +swords. She longed to cover them with her hands; or bid him look +away over the woods and water, while he went on saying these sweet +things to her. She put up one foot on the low parapet, leaned her +elbow on her knee, and shielded her face with her hand. Then she +answered him, trying to speak calmly. + +"You have taken me absolutely by surprise, Dal. I knew you had been +delightfully nice and attentive since the concert evening, and that +our mutual understanding of music and pleasure in it, coupled with +an increased intimacy brought about by our confidential conversation +under the cedar, had resulted in an unusually close and delightful +friendship. I honestly admit it seems to have--it has--meant more to +me than any friendship has ever meant. But that was partly owing to +your temperament, Dal, which tends to make you always the most vivid +spot in one's mental landscape. But truly I thought you wanted me +out here in order to pour out confidences about Pauline Lister. +Everybody believes that her loveliness has effected your final +capture, and truly, Dal, truly--I thought so, too." Jane paused. + +"Well?" said the quiet voice, with its deep undertone of gladness. +"You know otherwise now." + +"Dal--you have so startled and astonished me. I cannot give you an +answer to-night. You must let me have until to-morrow--to-morrow +morning." + +"But, beloved," he said tenderly, moving a little nearer, "there is +no more need for you to answer than I felt need to put a question. +Can't you realise this? Question and answer were asked and given +just now. Oh, my dearest--come back to me. Sit down again." + +But Jane stood rigid. + +"No," she said. "I can't allow you to take things for granted in +this way. You took me by surprise, and I lost my head utterly-- +unpardonably, I admit. But, my dear boy, marriage is a serious +thing. Marriage is not a mere question of sentiment. It has to wear. +It has to last. It must have a solid and dependable foundation, to +stand the test and strain of daily life together. I know so many +married couples intimately. I stay in their homes, and act sponsor +to their children; with the result that I vowed never to risk it +myself. And now I have let you put this question, and you must not +wonder if I ask for twelve hours to think it over." + +Garth took this silently. He sat down on the stone coping with his +back to the lake and, leaning backward, tried to see her face; but +the hand completely screened it. He crossed his knees and clasped +both hands around them, rocking slightly backward and forward for a +minute while mastering the impulse to speak or act violently. He +strove to compose his mind by fixing it upon trivial details which +chanced to catch his eye. His red socks showed clearly in the +moonlight against the white paving of the terrace, and looked well +with black patent-leather shoes. He resolved always to wear red silk +socks in the evening, and wondered whether Jane would knit some for +him. He counted the windows along the front of the house, noting +which were his and which were Jane's, and how many came between. At +last he knew he could trust himself, and, leaning back, spoke very +gently, his dark head almost touching the lace of her sleeve. + +"Dearest--tell me, didn't you feel just now--" + +"Oh, hush!". cried Jane, almost harshly, "hush, Dal! Don't talk +about feelings with this question between us. Marriage is fact, not +feeling. If you want to do really the best thing for us both, go +straight indoors now and don't speak to me again to-night. I heard +you say you were going to try the organ in the church on the common +at eleven o'clock to-morrow morning. Well--I will come there soon +after half-past eleven and listen while you play; and at noon you +can send away the blower, and I will give you my answer. But now-- +oh, go away, dear; for truly I cannot bear anymore. I must be left +alone." + +Garth loosed the strong fingers clasped so tightly round his knee. +He slipped the hand next to her along the stone coping, close to her +foot. She felt him take hold of her gown with those deft, masterful +fingers. Then he bent his dark head quickly, and whispering: "I kiss +the cross," with a gesture of infinite reverence and tenderness, +which Jane never forgot, he kissed the hem of her skirt. The next +moment she was alone. + +She listened while his footsteps died away. She heard the door into +the lower hall open and close. Then slowly she sat down just as she +had sat when he knelt in front of her. Now she was quite alone. The +tension of these last hard moments relaxed. She pressed both hands +over the lace at her bosom where that dear, beautiful, adoring face +had been hidden. Had she FELT, he asked. Ah! what had she not felt? + +Tears never came easily to Jane. But to-night she had been called a +name by which she had never thought to be called; and already her +honest heart was telling her she would never be called by it again. +And large silent tears overflowed and fell upon her hands and upon +the lace at her breast. For the wife and the mother in her had been +wakened and stirred, and the deeps of her nature broke through the +barriers of stern repression and almost masculine self-control, and +refused to be driven back without the womanly tribute of tears. + +And around her feet lay the scattered petals of crushed rambler +roses. + + * * * * * * * + +Presently she passed indoors. The upper hall was filled with merry +groups and resounded with "good-nights" as the women mounted the +great staircase, pausing to fling back final repartees, or to +confirm plans for the morrow. + +Garth Dalmain was standing at the foot of the staircase, held in +conversation by Pauline Lister and her aunt, who had turned on the +fourth step. Jane saw his slim, erect figure and glossy head the +moment she entered the hall. His back was towards her, and though +she advanced and stood quite near, he gave no sign of being aware of +her presence. But the joyousness of his voice seemed to make him +hers again in this new sweet way. She alone knew what had caused it, +and unconsciously she put one hand over her bosom as she listened. + +"Sorry, dear ladies," Garth was saying, "but to-morrow morning is +impossible. I have an engagement in the village. Yes--really! At +eleven o'clock." + +"That sounds so rural and pretty, Mr. Dalmain," said Mrs. Parker +Bangs. "Why not take Pauline and me along? We have seen no dairies, +and no dairy-maids, nor any of the things in Adam Bede, since we +came over. I would just love to step into Mrs. Poyser's kitchen and +see myself reflected in the warming-pans on the walls." + +"Perhaps we would be DE TROP in the dairy," murmured Miss Lister +archly. + +She looked very lovely in her creamy-white satin gown, her small +head held regally, the brilliant charm of American womanhood +radiating from her. She wore no jewels, save one string of perfectly +matched pearls; but on Pauline Lister's neck even pearls seemed to +sparkle. + +All these scintillations, flung at Garth, passed over his sleek head +and reached Jane where she lingered in the background. She took in +every detail. Never had Miss Lister's loveliness been more correctly +appraised. + +"But it happens, unfortunately, to be neither a dairy-maid nor a +warming-pan," said Garth. "My appointment is with a very grubby +small boy, whose rural beauties consist in a shock of red hair and a +whole pepper-pot of freckles." + +"Philanthropic?" inquired Miss Lister. + +"Yes, at the rate of threepence an hour." + +"A caddy, of course," cried both ladies together. + +"My! What a mystery about a thing so simple!" added Mrs. Parker +Bangs. "Now we have heard, Mr. Dalmain, that it is well worth the +walk to the links to see you play. So you may expect us to arrive +there, time to see you start around." + +Garth's eyes twinkled. Jane could hear the twinkle in his voice. "My +dear lady," he said, "you overestimate my play as, in your great +kindness of heart, you overestimate many other things connected with +me. But I shall like to think of you at the golf links at eleven +o'clock to-morrow morning. You might drive there, but the walk +through the woods is too charming to miss. Only remember, you cross +the park and leave by the north gate, not the main entrance by which +we go to the railway station. I would offer to escort you, but duty +takes me, at an early hour, in quite another direction. Besides, +when Miss Lister's wish to see the links is known, so many people +will discover golf to be the one possible way of spending to-morrow +morning, that I should be but a unit in the crowd which will troop +across the park to the north gate. It will be quite impossible for +you to miss your way." + +Mrs. Parker Bangs was beginning to explain elaborately that never, +under any circumstances, could he be a unit, when her niece +peremptorily interposed. + +"That will do, aunt. Don't be silly. We are all units, except when +we make a crowd; which is what we are doing on this staircase at +this present moment, so that Miss Champion has for some time been +trying ineffectually to pass us. Do you golf to-morrow, Miss +Champion?" + +Garth stood on one side, and Jane began to mount the stairs. He did +not look at her, but it seemed to Jane that his eyes were on the hem +of her gown as it trailed past him. She paused beside Miss Lister. +She knew exactly how effectual a foil she made to the American +girl's white loveliness. She turned and faced him. She wished him to +look up and see them standing there together. She wanted the artist +eyes to take in the cruel contrast. She wanted the artist soul of +him to realise it. She waited. + +Garth's eyes were still on the hem of her gown, close to the left +foot; but he lifted them slowly to the lace at her bosom, where her +hand still lay. There they rested a moment, then dropped again, +without rising higher. + +"Yes," said Mrs. Parker Bangs, "are you playing around with Mr. +Dalmain to-morrow forenoon, Miss Champion?" + +Jane suddenly flushed crimson, and then was furious with herself for +blushing, and hated the circumstances which made her feel and act so +unlike her ordinary self. She hesitated during the long dreadful +moment. How dared Garth behave in that way? People would think there +was something unusual about her gown. She felt a wild impulse to +stoop and look at it herself to see whether his kiss had +materialised and was hanging like a star to the silken hem. Then she +forced herself to calmness and answered rather brusquely: "I am not +golfing to-morrow; but you could not do better than go to the links. +Good-night, Mrs. Parker Bangs. Sleep well, Miss Lister. Good-night, +Dal." + +Garth was on the step below them, handing Pauline's aunt a letter +she had dropped. + +"Good-night, Miss Champion," he said, and for one instant his eyes +met hers, but he did not hold out his hand, or appear to see hers +half extended. + +The three women mounted the staircase together, then went different +ways. Miss Lister trailed away down a passage to the right, her aunt +trotting in her wake. + +"There's been a tiff there," said Mrs. Parker Bangs. + +"Poor thing!" said Miss Lister softly. "I like her. She's a real +good sort. I should have thought she would have been more sensible +than the rest of us." + +"A real plain sort," said her aunt, ignoring the last sentence. + +"Well, she didn't make her own face," said Miss Lister generously. + +"No, and she don't pay other people to make it for her. She's what +Sir Walter Scott calls: 'Nature in all its ruggedness.'" + +"Dear aunt," remarked Miss Lister wearily, "I wish you wouldn't +trouble to quote the English classics to me when we are alone. It is +pure waste of breath, because you see I KNOW you have read them all. +Here is my door. Now come right in and make yourself comfy on that +couch. I am going to sit in this palatial arm-chair opposite, and do +a little very needful explaining. My! How they fix one to the floor! +These ancestral castles are all right so far as they go, but they +don't know a thing about rockers. Now I have a word or two to say +about Miss Champion. She's a real good sort, and I like her. She's +not a beauty; but she has a fine figure, and she dresses right. She +has heaps of money, and could have rarer pearls than mine; but she +knows better than to put pearls on that brown skin. I like a woman +who knows her limitations and is sensible over them. All the men +adore her, not for what she looks but for what she is, and, my word, +aunt, that's what pays in the long run. That is what lasts. Ten +years hence the Honourable Jane will still be what she is, and I +shall be trying to look what I'm not. As for Garth Dalmain, he has +eyes for all of us and a heart for none. His pretty speeches and +admiring looks don't mean marriage, because he is a man with an +ideal of womanhood and he can't see himself marrying below it. If +the Sistine Madonna could step down off those clouds and hand the +infant to the young woman on her left, he might marry HER; but even +then he would be afraid he might see some one next day who did her +hair more becomingly, or that her foot would not look so well on his +Persian rugs as it does on that cloud. He won't marry money, because +he has plenty of it. And even if he hadn't, money made in candles +would not appeal to him. He won't marry beauty, because he thinks +too much about it. He adores so many lovely faces, that he is never +sure for twenty-four hours which of them he admires most, bar the +fact that, as in the case of fruit trees, the unattainable are +usually the most desired. He won't marry goodness--virtue--worth-- +whatever you choose to call the sterling qualities of character-- +because in all these the Honourable Jane Champion is his ideal, and +she is too sensible a woman to tie such an epicure to her plain +face. Besides, she considers herself his grandmother, and doesn't +require him to teach her to suck eggs. But Garth Dalmain, poor boy, +is so sublimely lacking in self-consciousness that he never +questions whether he can win his ideal. He possesses her already in +his soul, and it will be a fearful smack in the face when she says +'No,' as she assuredly will do, for reasons aforesaid. These three +days, while he has been playing around with me, and you and other +dear match-making old donkeys have gambolled about us, and made sure +we were falling in love, he has been worshipping the ground she +walks on, and counting the hours until he should see her walk on it +again. He enjoyed being with me more than with the other girls, +because I understood, and helped him to work all conversations round +to her, and he knew, when she arrived here, I could be trusted to +develop sudden anxiety about you, or have important letters to +write, if she came in sight. But that is all there will ever be +between me and Garth Dalmain; and if you had a really careful regard +for my young affections you would drop your false set on the marble +wash-stand, or devise some other equally false excuse for our +immediate departure for town to-morrow.--And now, dear, don't stay +to argue; because I have said exactly all there is to say on the +subject, and a little more. And try to toddle to bed without telling +me of which cute character in Dickens I remind you, because I am +cuter than any of them, and if I stay in this tight frock another +second I can't answer for the consequences.--Oui, Josephine, +entrez!--Good-night, dear aunt. Happy dreams!" + +But after her maid had left her, Pauline switched off the electric +light and, drawing back the curtain, stood for a long while at her +window, looking out at the peaceful English scene bathed in +moonlight. At last she murmured softly, leaning her beautiful head +against the window frame: + +"I stated your case well, but you didn't quite deserve it, Dal. You +ought to have let me know about Jane, weeks ago. Anyway, it will +stop the talk about you and me. And as for you, dear, you will go on +sighing for the moon; and when you find the moon is unattainable, +you will not dream of seeking solace in more earthly lights--not +even poppa's best sperm," she added, with a wistful little smile, +for Pauline's fun sparkled in solitude as freely as in company, and +as often at her own expense as at that of other people, and her +brave American spirit would not admit, even to herself, a serious +hurt. + +Meanwhile Jane had turned to the left and passed slowly to her room. +Garth had not taken her half-proffered hand, and she knew perfectly +well why. He would never again be content to clasp her hand in +friendship. If she cut him off from the touch which meant absolute +possession, she cut herself off from the contact of simple +comradeship. Garth, to-night, was like a royal tiger who had tasted +blood. It seemed a queer simile, as she thought of him in his +conventional evening clothes, correct in every line, well-groomed, +smart almost to a fault. But out on the terrace with him she had +realised, for the first time, the primal elements which go to the +making of a man--a forceful determined, ruling man--creation's king. +They echo of primeval forests. The roar of the lion is in them, the +fierceness of the tiger; the instinct of dominant possession, which +says: "Mine to have and hold, to fight for and enjoy; and I slay all +comers!" She had felt it, and her own brave soul had understood it +and responded to it, unafraid; and been ready to mate with it, if +only--ah! if only-- + +But things could never be again as they had been before. If she +meant to starve her tiger, steel bars must be between them for +evermore. None of those sentimental suggestions of attempts to be a +sort of unsatisfactory cross between sister and friend would do for +the man whose head she had unconsciously held against her breast. +Jane knew this. He had kept himself magnificently in hand after she +put him from her, but she knew he was only giving her breathing +space. He still considered her his own, and his very certainty of +the near future had given him that gentle patience in the present. +But even now, while her answer pended, he would not take her hand in +friendship. Jane closed her door and locked it. She must face this +problem of the future, with all else locked out excepting herself +and him. Ah! if she could but lock herself out and think only of him +and of his love, as beautiful, perfect gifts laid at her feet, that +she might draw them up into her empty arms and clasp them there for +evermore. Just for a little while she would do this. One hour of +realisation was her right. Afterwards she must bring HERSELF into +the problem,--her possibilities; her limitations; herself, in her +relation to him in the future; in the effect marriage with her would +be likely to have upon him. What it might mean to her did not +consciously enter into her calculations. Jane was self-conscious, +with the intense self-consciousness of all reserved natures, but she +was not selfish. + +At first, then, she left her room in darkness, and, groping her way +to the curtains, drew them back, threw up the sash, and, drawing a +chair to the window, sat down, leaning her elbows on the sill and +her chin in her hands, and looked down upon the terrace, still +bathed in moonlight. Her window was almost opposite the place where +she and Garth had talked. She could see the stone lion and the vase +full of scarlet geraniums. She could locate the exact spot where she +was sitting when he--Memory awoke, vibrant. + +Then Jane allowed herself the most wonderful mental experience of +her life. She was a woman of purpose and decision. She had said she +had a right to that hour, and she took it to the full. In soul she +met her tiger and mated with him, unafraid. He had not asked whether +she loved him or not, and she did not need to ask herself. She +surrendered her proud liberty, and tenderly, humbly, wistfully, yet +with all the strength of her strong nature, promised to love, +honour, and obey him. She met the adoration of his splendid eyes +without a tremor. She had locked her body out. She was alone with +her soul; and her soul was all-beautiful--perfect for him. + +The loneliness of years slipped from her. Life became rich and +purposeful. He needed her always, and she was always there and +always able to meet his need. "Are you content, my beloved?" she +asked over and over; and Garth's joyous voice, with the ring of +perpetual youth in it, always answered: "Perfectly content." And +Jane smiled into the night, and in the depths of her calm eyes +dawned a knowledge hitherto unknown, and in her tender smile +trembled, with unspeakable sweetness, an understanding of the secret +of a woman's truest bliss. "He is mine and I am his. And because he +is mine, my beloved is safe; and because I am his, he is content." + +Thus she gave herself completely; gathering him into the shelter of +her love; and her generous heart expanded to the greatness of the +gift. Then the mother in her awoke and realised how much of the +maternal flows into the love of a true woman when she understands +how largely the child-nature predominates in the man in love, and +how the very strength of his need of her reduces to unaccustomed +weakness the strong nature to which she has become essential. + +Jane pressed her hands upon her breast. "Garth," she whispered, +"Garth, I UNDERSTAND. My own poor boy, it was so hard to you to be +sent away just then. But you had had all--all you wanted, in those +few wonderful moments, and nothing can rob you of that fact. And you +have made me SO yours that, whatever the future brings for you and +me, no other face will ever be hidden here. It is yours, and I am +yours--to-night, and henceforward, forever." + +Jane leaned her forehead on the window-sill. The moonlight fell on +the heavy coils of her brown hair. The scent of the magnolia blooms +rose in fragrance around her. The song of a nightingale purled and +thrilled in an adjacent wood. The lonely years of the past, the +perplexing moments of the present, the uncertain vistas of the +future, all rolled away. She sailed with Garth upon a golden ocean +far removed from the shores of time. For love is eternal; and the +birth of love frees the spirit from all limitations of the flesh. + + * * * * * * * + +A clock in the distant village struck midnight. The twelve strokes +floated up to Jane's window across the moonlit park. Time was once +more. Her freed spirit resumed the burden of the body. + +A new day had begun, the day upon which she had promised her answer +to Garth. The next time that clock struck twelve she would be +standing with him in the church, and her answer must be ready. + +She turned from the window without closing it, drew the curtains +closely across, switched on the electric light over the writing- +table, took off her evening gown, hung up bodice and skirt in the +wardrobe, resolutely locking the door upon them. Then she slipped on +a sage-green wrapper, which she had lately purchased at a bazaar +because every one else fled from it, and the old lady whose +handiwork it was seemed so disappointed, and, drawing a chair near +the writing-table, took out her diary, unlocked the heavy clasp, and +began to read. She turned the pages slowly, pausing here and there, +until she came to those she sought. Over them she pondered long, her +head in her hands. They contained a very full account of her +conversation with Garth on the afternoon of the day of the concert +at Overdene; and the lines upon which she specially dwelt were +these: "His face was transfigured. . . . Goodness and inspiration +shone from it, making it as the face of an angel. . . . I never +thought him ugly again. Child though I was, I could differentiate +even then between ugliness and plainness. I have associated his face +ever since with the wondrous beauty of his soul. When he sat down, +at the close of his address, I no longer thought him a complicated +form of chimpanzee. I remembered the divine halo of his smile. Of +course it was not the sort of face one COULD have wanted to live +with, or to have day after day opposite one at table, but then one +was not called to that sort of discipline, which would have been +martyrdom to me. And he has always stood to my mind since as a proof +of the truth that goodness is never ugly, and that divine love and +aspiration, shining through the plainest features, may redeem them, +temporarily, into beauty; and permanently, into a thing one loves to +remember." + +At first Jane read the entire passage. Then her mind focussed itself +upon one sentence: "Of course it was not the sort of face one COULD +have wanted to live with, or to have day after day opposite one at +table, . . . which would have been martyrdom to me." + +At length Jane arose, turned on all the lights over the dressing- +table, particularly two bright ones on either side of the mirror, +and, sitting down before it, faced herself honestly. + + * * * * * * * + +When the village clock struck one, Garth Dalmain stood at his window +taking a final look at the night which had meant so much to him. He +remembered, with an amused smile, how, to help himself to calmness, +he had sat on the terrace and thought of his socks, and then had +counted the windows between his and Jane's. There were five of them. +He knew her window by the magnolia tree and the seat beneath it +where he had chanced to sit, not knowing she was above him. He +leaned far out and looked towards it now. The curtains were drawn, +but there appeared still to be a light behind them. Even as he +watched, it went out. + +He looked down at the terrace. He could see the stone lion and the +vase of scarlet geraniums. He could locate the exact spot where she +was sitting when he-- + +Then he dropped upon his knees beside the window and looked up into +the starry sky. + +Garth's mother had lived long enough to teach him the holy secret of +her sweet patience and endurance. In moments of deep feeling, words +from his mother's Bible came to his lips more readily than +expressions of his own thought. Now, looking upward, he repeated +softly and reverently: "'Every good gift and every perfect gift is +from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is +no variableness, neither shadow of turning.' And oh, Father," he +added, "keep us in the light--she and I. May there be in us, as +there is in Thee, no variableness, neither shadow which is cast by +turning." + +Then he rose to his feet and looked across once more to the stone +lion and the broad coping. His soul sang within him, and he folded +his arms across his chest. "My wife!" he said. "Oh! my wife!" + + * * * * * * * + +And, as the village clock struck one, Jane arrived at her decision. + +Slowly she rose, and turned off all the lights; then, groping her +way to the bed, fell upon her knees beside it, and broke into a +passion of desperate, silent weeping. + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +GARTH FINDS THE CROSS + + +The village church on the green was bathed in sunshine as Jane +emerged from the cool shade of the park. The clock proclaimed the +hour half-past eleven, and Jane did not hasten, knowing she was not +expected until twelve. The windows of the church were open, and the +massive oaken doors stood ajar. + +Jane paused beneath the ivy-covered porch and stood listening. The +tones of the organ reached her as from an immense distance, and yet +with an all-pervading nearness. The sound was disassociated from +hands and feet. The organ seemed breathing, and its breath was +music. + +Jane pushed the heavy door further open, and even at that moment it +occurred to her that the freckled boy with a red head, and Garth's +slim proportions, had evidently passed easily through an aperture +which refused ingress to her more massive figure. She pushed the +door further open, and went in. + +Instantly a stillness entered into her soul. The sense of unseen +presences, often so strongly felt on entering an empty church alone, +the impress left upon old walls and rafters by the worshipping minds +of centuries, hushed the insistent beating of her own perplexity, +and for a few moments she forgot the errand which brought her there, +and bowed her head in unison with the worship of ages. + +Garth was playing the "Veni, Creator Spiritus" to Attwood's perfect +setting; and, as Jane walked noiselessly up to the chancel, he began +to sing the words of the second verse. He sang them softly, but his +beautifully modulated barytone carried well, and every syllable +reached her. + + "Enable with perpetual light + The dulness of our blinded sight; + Anoint and cheer our soiled face + With the abundance of Thy grace; + Keep far our foes; give peace at home; + Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come." + +Then the organ swelled into full power, pealing out the theme of the +last verse without its words, and allowing those he had sung to +repeat themselves over and over in Jane's mind: "Where Thou art +Guide, no ill can come." Had she not prayed for guidance? Then +surely all would be well. + +She paused at the entrance to the chancel. Garth had returned to the +second verse, and was singing again, to a waldflute accompaniment, +"Enable with perpetual light--." + +Jane seated herself in one of the old oak stalls and looked around +her. The brilliant sunshine from without entered through the +stained-glass windows, mellowed into golden beams of soft amber +light, with here and there a shaft of crimson. What a beautiful +expression--perpetual light! As Garth sang it, each syllable seemed +to pierce the silence like a ray of purest sunlight. "The dulness +of--" Jane could just see the top of his dark head over the heavy +brocade of the organ curtain. She dreaded the moment when he should +turn, and those vivid eyes should catch sight of her--"our blinded +sight." How would he take what she must say? Would she have strength +to come through a long hard scene? Would he be tragically heart- +broken?--"Anoint and cheer our soiled face"--Would he argue, and +insist, and override her judgment?--"With the abundance of Thy +grace"--Could she oppose his fierce strength, if he chose to exert +it? Would they either of them come through so hard a time without +wounding each other terribly?--"Keep far our foes; give peace at +home"--Oh! what could she say? What would he say? How should she +answer? What reason could she give for her refusal which Garth would +ever take as final?--"Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come." + +And then, after a few soft, impromptu chords; the theme changed. + +Jane's heart stood still. Garth was playing "The Rosary." He did not +sing it; but the soft insistence of the organ pipes seemed to press +the words into the air, as no voice could have done. Memory's +pearls, in all the purity of their gleaming preciousness, were +counted one by one by the flute and dulciana; and the sadder tones +of the waldflute proclaimed the finding of the cross. It all held a +new meaning for Jane, who looked helplessly round, as if seeking +some way of escape from the sad sweetness of sound which filled the +little church. + +Suddenly it ceased. Garth stood up, turned, and saw her. The glory +of a great joy leaped into his face. + +"All right, Jimmy," he said; "that will do for this morning. And +here is a bright sixpence, because you have managed the blowing so +well. Hullo! It's a shilling! Never mind. You shall have it because +it is such a glorious day. There never was such a day, Jimmy; and I +want you to be happy also. Now run off quickly, and shut the church +door behind you, my boy." + +Ah! how his voice, with its ring of buoyant gladness, shook her +soul. + +The red-headed boy, rather grubby, with a whole pepper-pot of +freckles, but a beaming face of pleasure, came out from behind the +organ, clattered down a side aisle; dropped his shilling on the way +and had to find it; but at last went out, the heavy door closing +behind him with a resounding clang. + +Garth had remained standing beside the organ, quite motionless, +without looking at Jane, and now that they were absolutely alone in +the church, he still stood and waited a few moments. To Jane those +moments seemed days, weeks, years, an eternity. Then he came out +into the centre of the chancel, his head erect, his eyes shining, +his whole bearing that of a conqueror sure of his victory. He walked +down to the quaintly carved oaken screen and, passing beneath it, +stood at the step. Then he signed to Jane to come and stand beside +him. + +"Here, dearest," he said; "let it be here." + +Jane came to him, and for a moment they stood together, looking up +the chancel. It was darker than the rest of the church, being +lighted only by three narrow stained-glass windows, gems of colour +and of significance. The centre window, immediately over the +communion table, represented the Saviour of the world, dying upon +the cross. They gazed at it in reverent silence. Then Garth turned +to Jane. + +"My beloved," he said, "it is a sacred Presence and a sacred place. +But no place could be too sacred for that which we have to say to +each other, and the Holy Presence, in which we both believe, is here +to bless and ratify it. I am waiting for your answer." + +Jane cleared her throat and put her trembling hands into the large +pockets of her tweed coat. + +"Dal," she said; "my answer is a question. How old are you?" + +She felt his start of intense surprise. She saw the light of +expectant joy fade from his face. But he replied, after only a +momentary hesitation: "I thought you knew, dearest. I am twenty- +seven." + +"Well," said Jane slowly and deliberately, "I am thirty; and I look +thirty-five, and feel forty. You are twenty-seven, Dal, and you look +nineteen, and often feel nine. I have been thinking it over, and-- +you know--I cannot marry a mere boy." + +Silence--absolute. + +In sheer terror Jane forced herself to look at him. He was white to +the lips. His face was very stern and calm--a strange, stony +calmness. There was not much youth in it just then. "ANOINT AND +CHEER OUR SOILED FACE"--The silent church seemed to wail the words +in bewildered agony. + +At last he spoke. "I had not thought of myself," he said slowly. "I +cannot explain how it comes to pass, but I have not thought of +myself at all, since my mind has been full of you. Therefore I had +not realised how little there is in me that you could care for. I +believed you had felt as I did, that we were--just each other's." +For a moment he put out his hand as if he would have touched her. +Then it dropped heavily to his side. "You are quite right," he said. +"You could not marry any one whom you consider a mere boy." + +He turned from her and faced up the chancel. For the space of a long +silent minute he looked at the window over the holy table, where +hung the suffering Christ. Then he bowed his head. "I accept the +cross," he said, and, turning, walked quietly down the aisle. The +church door opened, closed behind him with a heavy clang, and Jane +was alone. + +She stumbled back to the seat she had left, and fell upon her knees. + +"O, my God," she cried, "send him back to me, oh, send him +back! . . . Oh, Garth! It is I who am plain and unattractive and +unworthy, not you. Oh, Garth--come back! come back! come back! . . . +I will trust and not be afraid . . . Oh, my own Dear--come back!" + +She listened, with straining ears. She waited, until every nerve of +her body ached with suspense. She decided what she would say when +the heavy door reopened and she saw Garth standing in a shaft of +sunlight. She tried to remember the VENI, but the hollow clang of +the door had silenced even memory's echo of that haunting music. So +she waited silently, and as she waited the silence grew and seemed +to enclose her within cruel, relentless walls which opened only to +allow her glimpses into the vista of future lonely years. Just once +more she broke that silence. "Oh, darling, come back! I WILL RISK +IT," she said. But no step drew near, and, kneeling with her face +buried in her clasped hands, Jane suddenly realised that Garth +Dalmain had accepted her decision as final and irrevocable, and +would not return. + +How long she knelt there after realising this, she never knew. But +at last comfort came to her. She felt she had done right. A few +hours of present anguish were better than years of future +disillusion. Her own life would be sadly empty, and losing this +newly found joy was costing her more than she had expected; but she +honestly believed "she had done rightly towards him, and what did +her own pain matter?" Thus comfort came to Jane. + +At last she rose and passed out of the silent church into the breezy +sunshine. + +Near the park gates a little knot of excited boys were preparing to +fly a kite. Jimmy, the hero of the hour, the centre of attraction, +proved to be the proud possessor of this new kite. Jimmy was finding +the day glorious indeed, and was being happy. "Happy ALSO," Garth +had said. And Jane's eyes filled with tears, as she remembered the +word and the tone in which it was spoken. + +"There goes my poor boy's shilling," she said to herself sadly, as +the kite mounted and soared above the common;" but, alas, where is +his joy?" + +As she passed up the avenue a dog-cart was driven swiftly down it. +Garth Dalmain drove it; behind him a groom and a portmanteau. He +lifted his hat as he passed her, but looked straight before him. In +a moment he was gone. Had Jane wanted to stop him she could not have +done so. But she did not want to stop him. She felt absolutely +satisfied that she had done the right thing, and done it at greater +cost to herself than to him. He would eventually--ah, perhaps before +so very long--find another to be to him all, and more than all, he +had believed she could be. But she? The dull ache at her bosom +reminded her of her own words the night before, whispered in the +secret of her chamber to him who, alas, was not there to hear: +"Whatever the future brings for you and me, no other face will ever +be hidden here." And, in this first hour of the coming lonely years, +she knew them to be true. + +In the hall she met Pauline Lister. + +"Is that you, Miss Champion?" said Pauline. "Well now, have you +heard of Mr. Dalmain? He has had to go to town unexpectedly, on the +1.15 train; and aunt has dropped her false teeth on her marble wash- +stand and must get to the dentist right away. So we go to town on +the 2.30. It's an uncertain world. It complicates one's plans, when +they have to depend on other people's teeth. But I would sooner +break false teeth than true hearts, any day. One can get the former +mended, but I guess no one can mend the latter. We are lunching +early in our rooms; so I wish you good-by, Miss Champion." + + + + +CHAPTER XII + +THE DOCTOR'S PRESCRIPTION + + +The Honourable Jane Champion stood on the summit of the Great +Pyramid and looked around her. The four exhausted Arabs whose +exertions, combined with her own activity, had placed her there, +dropped in the picturesque attitudes into which an Arab falls by +nature. They had hoisted the Honourable Jane's eleven stone ten from +the bottom to the top in record time, and now lay around, proud of +their achievement and sure of their "backsheesh." + +The whole thing had gone as if by clock-work. Two mahogany-coloured, +finely proportioned fellows, in scanty white garments, sprang with +the ease of antelopes to the top of a high step, turning to reach +down eagerly and seize Jane's upstretched hands. One remained +behind, unseen but indispensable, to lend timely aid at exactly the +right moment. Then came the apparently impossible task for Jane, of +placing the sole of her foot on the edge of a stone four feet above +the one upon which she was standing. It seemed rather like stepping +up on to the drawing-room mantelpiece. But encouraged by cries of +"Eiwa! Eiwa!" she did it; when instantly a voice behind said, +"Tyeb!" two voices above shouted, "Keteer!" the grip on her hands +tightened, the Arab behind hoisted, and Jane had stepped up, with an +ease which surprised herself. As a matter of fact, under those +circumstances the impossible thing would have been not to have +stepped up. + +Arab number four was water-carrier, and offered water from a gourd +at intervals; and once, when Jane had to cry halt for a few minutes' +breathing space, Schehati, handsomest of all, and leader of the +enterprise, offered to recite English Shakespeare-poetry. This +proved to be: + + "Jack-an-Jill + Went uppy hill, + To fetchy paily water; + Jack fell down-an + Broke his crown-an + Jill came tumbling after." + +Jane had laughed; and Schehati, encouraged by the success of his +attempt to edify and amuse, used lines of the immortal nursery epic +as signals for united action during the remainder of the climb. +Therefore Jane mounted one step to the fact that Jack fell down, and +scaled the next to information as to the serious nature of his +injuries, and at the third, Schehati, bending over, confidentially +mentioned in her ear, while Ali shoved behind, that "Jill came +tumbling after." + +The familiar words, heard under such novel circumstances, took on +fresh meaning. Jane commenced speculating as to whether the downfall +of Jack need necessarily have caused so complete a loss of self- +control and equilibrium on the part of Jill. Would she not have +proved her devotion better by bringing the mutual pail safely to the +bottom of the hill, and there attending to the wounds of her fallen +hero? Jane, in her time, had witnessed the tragic downfall of +various delightful jacks, and had herself ministered tenderly to +their broken crowns; for in each case the Jill had remained on the +top of the hill, flirting with that objectionable person of the name +of Horner, whose cool, calculating way of setting to work--so unlike +poor Jack's headlong method--invariably secured him the plum; upon +which he remarked "What a good boy am I!" and was usually taken at +his own smug valuation. But Jane's entire sympathy on these +occasions was with the defeated lover, and more than one Jack was +now on his feet again, bravely facing life, because that kind hand +had been held out to him as he lay in his valley of humiliation, and +that comprehending sympathy had proved balm to his broken crown. + +"Dickery, dickery, dock!" chanted Schehati solemnly, as he hauled +again; "Moses ran up the clock. The clock struck 'one'--" + +THE CLOCK STRUCK "ONE"?--It was nearly three years since that night +at Shenstone when the clock had struck "one," and Jane had arrived +at her decision,--the decision which precipitated her Jack from his +Pisgah of future promise. And yet--no. He had not fallen before the +blow. He had taken it erect, and his light step had been even firmer +than usual as he walked down the church and left her, after quietly +and deliberately accepting her decision. It was Jane herself, left +alone, who fell hopelessly over the pail. She shivered even now when +she remembered how its icy waters drenched her heart. Ah, what would +have happened if Garth had come back in answer to her cry during +those first moments of intolerable suffering and loneliness? But +Garth was not the sort of man who, when a door has been shut upon +him, waits on the mat outside, hoping to be recalled. When she put +him from her, and he realised that she meant it he passed completely +out of her life. He was at the railway station by the time she +reached the house, and from that day to this they had never met. +Garth evidently considered the avoidance of meetings to be his +responsibility, and he never failed her in this. Once or twice she +went on a visit to houses where she knew him to be staying. He +always happened to have left that morning, if she arrived in time +for luncheon; or by an early afternoon train, if she was due for +tea. He never timed it so that there should be tragic passings of +each other, with set faces, at the railway stations; or a formal +word of greeting as she arrived and he departed,--just enough to +awaken all the slumbering pain and set people wondering. Jane +remembered with shame that this was the sort of picturesque tragedy +she would have expected from Garth Dalmain. But the man who had +surprised her by his dignified acquiescence in her decision, +continued to surprise her by the strength with which he silently +accepted it as final and kept out of her way. Jane had not probed +the depth of the wound she had inflicted. + +Never once was his departure connected, in the minds of others, with +her arrival. There was always some excellent and perfectly natural +reason why he had been obliged to leave, and he was openly talked of +and regretted, and Jane heard all the latest "Dal stories," and +found herself surrounded by the atmosphere of his exotic, beauty- +loving nature. And there was usually a girl--always the loveliest of +the party--confidentially pointed out to Jane, by the rest, as a +certainty, if only Dal had had another twenty-four hours of her +society. But the girl herself would appear quite heart-whole, only +very full of an evidently delightful friendship, expressing all +Dal's ideas on art and colour, as her own, and confidently happy in +an assured sense of her own loveliness and charm and power to +please. Never did he leave behind him traces which the woman who +loved him regretted to find. But he was always gone--irrevocably +gone. Garth Dalmain was not the sort of man to wait on the door-mat +of a woman's indecision. + +Neither did this Jack of hers break his crown. His portrait of +Pauline Lister, painted six months after the Shenstone visit, had +proved the finest bit of work he had as yet accomplished. He had +painted the lovely American, in creamy white satin, standing on a +dark oak staircase, one hand resting on the balustrade, the other, +full of yellow roses, held out towards an unseen friend below. +Behind and above her shone a stained-glass window, centuries old, +the arms, crest, and mottoes of the noble family to whom the place +belonged, shining thereon in rose-coloured and golden glass. He had +wonderfully caught the charm and vivacity of the girl. She was gaily +up-to-date, and frankly American, from the crown of her queenly +little head, to the point of her satin shoe; and the suggestiveness +of placing her in surroundings which breathed an atmosphere of the +best traditions of England's ancient ancestral homes, the fearless +wedding of the new world with the old, the putting of this sparkling +gem from the new into the beautiful mellow setting of the old and +there showing it at its best,--all this was the making of the +picture. People smiled, and said the painter had done on canvas what +he shortly intended doing in reality; but the tie between artist and +sitter never grew into anything closer than a pleasant friendship, +and it was the noble owner of the staircase and window who +eventually persuaded Miss Lister to remain in surroundings which +suited her so admirably. + +One story about that portrait Jane had heard discussed more than +once in circles where both were known. Pauline Lister had come to +the first sittings wearing her beautiful string of pearls, and Garth +had painted them wonderfully, spending hours over the delicate +perfecting of each separate gleaming drop. Suddenly one day he +seized his palette-knife, scraped the whole necklace off the canvas +with a stroke and, declared she must wear her rose-topazes in order +to carry out his scheme of colour. She was wearing her rose-topazes +when Jane saw the picture in the Academy, and very lovely they +looked on the delicate whiteness of her neck. But people who had +seen Garth's painting of the pearls maintained that that scrape of +the palette-knife had destroyed work which would have been the talk +of the year. And Pauline Lister, just after it had happened, was +reported to have said, with a shrug of her pretty shoulders: +"Schemes of colour are all very well. But he scraped my pearls off +the canvas because some one who came in hummed a tune while looking +at the picture. I would be obliged if people who walk around the +studio while I am being painted will in future refrain from humming +tunes. I don't want him to scoop off my topazes and call for my +emeralds. Also I feel like offering a reward for the discovery of +that tune. I want to know what it has to do with my scheme of +colour, anyway." + +When Jane heard the story, she was spending a few days with the +Brands in Wimpole Street. It was told at tea, in Lady Brand's pretty +boudoir. The duchess's Concert, at which Garth had heard her sing +THE ROSARY, was a thing of the past. Nearly a year had elapsed since +their final parting, and this was the very first thought or word or +sign of his remembrance, which directly or indirectly, had come her +way. She could not doubt that the tune hummed had been THE ROSARY. + + "The hours I spent with thee, dear heart, + Are as a string of pearls to me; + I count them over, every one, apart." + +She seemed to hear Garth's voice on the terrace, as she heard it in +those first startled moments of realising the gift which was being +laid at her feet--"I have learned to count pearls, beloved." + +Jane's heart was growing cold and frozen in its emptiness. This +incident of the studio warmed and woke it for the moment, and with +the waking came sharp pain. When the visitors had left, and Lady +Brand had gone to the nursery, she walked over to the piano, sat +down, and softly played the accompaniment of "The Rosary." The fine +unexpected chords, full of discords working into harmony, seemed to +suit her mood and her memories. + +Suddenly a voice behind her said: "Sing it, Jane." She turned +quickly. The doctor had come in, and was lying back luxuriously in a +large arm-chair at her elbow, his hands clasped behind his head. +"Sing it, Jane," he said. + +"I can't, Deryck," she answered, still softly sounding the chords. +"I have not sung for months." + +"What has been the matter--for months?" + +Jane took her hands off the keys, and swung round impulsively. + +"Oh, boy," she said. "I have made a bad mess of my life! And yet I +know I did right. I would do the same again; at least--at least, I +hope I would." + + The doctor sat in silence for a minute, looking at her and +pondering these short, quick sentences. Also he waited for more, +knowing it would come more easily if he waited silently. + +It came. + +"Boy--I gave up something, which was more than life itself to me, +for the sake of another, and I can't get over it. I know I did +right, and yet--I can't get over it." + +The doctor leaned forward and took the clenched hands between his. + +"Can you tell me about it, Jeanette?" + +"I can tell no one, Deryck; not even you." + +"If ever you find you must tell some one, Jane, will you promise to +come to me?" + +"Gladly." + +"Good! Now, my dear girl, here is a prescription for you. Go abroad. +And, mind, I do not mean by that, just to Paris and back, or +Switzerland this summer, and the Riviera in the autumn. Go to +America and see a few big things. See Niagara. And all your life +afterwards, when trivialities are trying you, you will love to let +your mind go back to the vast green mass of water sweeping over the +falls; to the thunderous roar, and the upward rush of spray; to the +huge perpetual onwardness of it all. You will like to remember, when +you are bothering about pouring water in and out of teacups, +'Niagara is flowing still.' Stay in a hotel so near the falls that +you can hear their great voice night and day, thundering out themes +of power and progress. Spend hours walking round and viewing it from +every point. Go to the Cave of the Winds, across the frail bridges, +where the guide will turn and shout to you: 'Are your rings on +tight?' Learn, in passing, the true meaning of the Rock of Ages. +Receive Niagara into your life and soul as a possession, and thank +God for it." + +"Then go in for other big things in America. Try spirituality and +humanity; love and life. Seek out Mrs. Ballington Booth, the great +'Little Mother' of all American prisoners. I know her well, I am +proud to say, and can give you a letter of introduction. Ask her to +take you with her to Sing-Sing, or to Columbus State Prison, and to +let you hear her address an audience of two thousand convicts, +holding out to them the gospel of hope and love,--her own inspired +and inspiring belief in fresh possibilities even for the most +despairing." + +"Go to New York City and see how, when a man wants a big building +and has only a small plot of ground, he makes the most of that +ground by running his building up into the sky. Learn to do +likewise.--And then, when the great-souled, large-hearted, rapid- +minded people of America have waked you to enthusiasm with their +bigness, go off to Japan and see a little people nobly doing their +best to become great.--Then to Palestine, and spend months in +tracing the footsteps of the greatest human life ever lived. Take +Egypt on your way home, just to remind yourself that there are +still, in this very modern world of ours, a few passably ancient +things,--a well-preserved wooden man, for instance, with eyes of +opaque white quartz, a piece of rock crystal in the centre for a +pupil. These glittering eyes looked out upon the world from beneath +their eyelids of bronze, in the time of Abraham. You will find it in +the museum at Cairo. Ride a donkey in the Mooskee if you want real +sport; and if you feel a little slack, climb the Great Pyramid. Ask +for an Arab named Schehati, and tell him you want to do it one +minute quicker than any lady has ever done it before." + +"Then come home, my dear girl, ring me up and ask for an +appointment; or chance it, and let Stoddart slip you into my +consulting-room between patients, and report how the prescription +has worked. I never gave a better; and you need not offer me a +guinea! I attend old friends gratis." + +Jane laughed, and gripped his hand. "Oh, boy," she said, "I believe +you are right. My whole ideas of life have been focussed on myself +and my own individual pains and losses. I will do as you say; and +God bless you for saying it.--Here comes Flower. Flower," she said, +as the doctor's wife trailed in, wearing a soft tea-gown, and +turning on the electric lights as she passed, "will this boy of ours +ever grow old? Here he is, seriously advising that a stout, middle- +aged woman should climb the Great Pyramid as a cure for depression, +and do it in record time!" + +"Darling," said the doctor's wife, seating herself on the arm of his +chair, "whom have you been seeing who is stout, or depressed, or +middle-aged? If you mean Mrs. Parker Bangs, she is not middle-aged, +because she is an American, and no American is ever middle-aged. And +she is only depressed because, even after painting her lovely +niece's portrait, Garth Dalmain has failed to propose to her. And it +is no good advising her to climb the Great Pyramid, though she is +doing Egypt this winter, because I heard her say yesterday that she +should never think of going up the pyramids until the children of +Israel, or whoever the natives are who live around those parts, have +the sense to put an elevator right up the centre." + +Jane and the doctor laughed, and Flower, settling herself more +comfortably, for the doctor's arm had stolen around her, said: +"Jane, I heard you playing THE ROSARY just now, such a favourite of +mine, and it is months since I heard it. Do sing it, dear." + +Jane met the doctor's eyes and smiled reassuringly; then turned +without any hesitation and did as Flower asked. The prescription had +already done her good. + +At the last words of the song the doctor's wife bent over and laid a +tender little kiss just above his temple, where the thick dark hair +was streaked with silver. But the doctor's mind was intent on Jane, +and before the final chords were struck he knew he had diagnosed her +case correctly. "But she had better go abroad," he thought. "It will +take her mind off herself altogether, giving her a larger view of +things in general, and a better proportioned view of things in +particular. And the boy won't change; or, if he does, Jane will be +proved right, to her own satisfaction. But, if this is HER side, +good heavens, what must HIS be! I had wondered what was sapping all +his buoyant youthfulness. To care for Jane would be an education; +but to have made Jane care! And then to have lost her! He must have +nerves of steel, to be facing life at all. What is this cross they +are both learning to kiss, and holding up between them? Perhaps +Niagara will sweep it away, and she will cable him from there." + +Then the doctor took the dear little hand resting on his shoulder +and kissed it softly, while Jane's back was still turned. For the +doctor had had past experience of the cross, and now the pearls were +very precious. + +So Jane took the prescription, and two years went by in the taking; +and here she was, on the top of the Great Pyramid, and, moreover, +she had done it in record time, and laughed as she thought of how +she should report the fact to Deryck. + +Her Arabs lay around, very hot and shiny, and content. Large +backsheesh was assured, and they looked up at her with pleased +possessive eyes, as an achievement of their own; hardly realising +how large a part her finely developed athletic powers and elastic +limbs had played in the speed of the ascent. + +And Jane stood there, sound in wind and limb, and with the +exhilarating sense, always helpful to the mind, of a bodily feat +accomplished. + +She was looking her best in her Norfolk coat and skirt of brown +tweed with hints of green and orange in it, plenty of useful pockets +piped with leather, leather buttons, and a broad band of leather +round the bottom of the skirt. A connoisseur would have named at +once the one and only firm from which that costume could have come, +and the hatter who supplied the soft green Tyrolian hat--for Jane +scorned pith helmets--which matched it so admirably. But Schehati +was no connoisseur of clothing, though a pretty shrewd judge of ways +and manners, and he summed up Jane thus: "Nice gentleman-lady! Give +good backsheesh, and not sit down halfway and say: `No top'! But +real lady-gentleman! Give backsheesh with kind face, and not send +poor Arab to Assouan." + +Jane was deeply tanned by the Eastern sun. Burning a splendid brown, +and enjoying the process, she had no need of veils or parasols; and +her strong eyes faced the golden light of the desert without the aid +of smoked glasses. She had once heard Garth remark that a sight +which made him feel really ill, was the back view of a woman in a +motor-veil, and Jane had laughingly agreed, for to her veils of any +kind had always seemed superfluous. The heavy coils of her brown +hair never blew about into fascinating little curls and wisps, but +remained where, with a few well-directed hairpins, she each morning +solidly placed them. + +Jane had never looked better than she did on this March day, +standing on the summit of the Great Pyramid. Strong, brown, and +well-knit, a reliable mind in a capable body, the undeniable +plainness of her face redeemed by its kindly expression of interest +and enjoyment; her wide, pleasant smile revealing her fine white +teeth, witnesses to her perfect soundness and health, within and +without. + +"Nice gentleman-lady," murmured Schehati again: and had Jane +overheard the remark it would not have offended her; for, though she +held a masculine woman only one degree less in abhorrence than an +effeminate man, she would have taken Schehati's compound noun as a +tribute to the fact that she was well-groomed and independent, +knowing her own mind, and, when she started out to go to a place, +reaching it in the shortest possible time, without fidget, fuss, or +flurry. These three feminine attributes were held in scorn by Jane, +who knew herself so deeply womanly that she could afford in minor +ways to be frankly unfeminine. + +The doctor's prescription had worked admirably. That look of falling +to pieces and ageing prematurely--a general dilapidation of mind and +body--which it had grieved and startled him to see in Jane as she +sat before him on the music-stool, was gone completely. She looked a +calm, pleasant thirty; ready to go happily on, year by year, towards +an equally agreeable and delightful forty; and not afraid of fifty, +when that time should come. Her clear eyes looked frankly out upon +the world, and her sane mind formed sound opinions and pronounced +fair judgments, tempered by the kindliness of an unusually large and +generous heart. + +Just now she was considering the view and finding it very good. Its +strong contrasts held her. + +On one side lay the fertile Delta, with its groves of waving palm, +orange, and olive trees, growing in rich profusion on the banks of +the Nile, a broad band of gleaming silver. On the other, the Desert, +with its far-distant horizon, stretching away in undulations of +golden sand; not a tree, not a leaf, not a blade of grass, but +boundless liberty, an ocean of solid golden glory. For the sun was +setting, and the sky flamed into colour. + +"A parting of the ways," said Jane; "a place of choice. How +difficult to know which to choose--liberty or fruitfulness. One +would have to consult the Sphinx--wise old guardian of the ages, +silent keeper of Time's secrets, gazing on into the future as It has +always gazed, while future became present, and present glided into +past.--Come, Schehati, let us descend. Oh, yes, I will certainly sit +upon the stone on which the King sat when he was Prince of Wales. +Thank you for mentioning it. It will supply a delightful topic of +conversation next time I am honoured by a few minutes of his +gracious Majesty's attention, and will save me from floundering into +trite remarks about the weather.--And now take me to the Sphinx, +Schehati. There is a question I would ask of It, just as the sun +dips below the horizon." + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +THE ANSWER OF THE SPHINX + + +Moonlight in the desert. + +Jane ordered her after-dinner coffee on the piazza of the hotel, +that she might lose as little as possible of the mystic loveliness +of the night. The pyramids appeared so huge and solid, in the clear +white light; and the Sphinx gathered unto itself more mystery. + +Jane promised herself a stroll round by moonlight presently. +Meanwhile she lay back in a low wicker chair, comfortably +upholstered, sipping her coffee, and giving herself up to the sense +of dreamy content which, in a healthy body, is apt to follow +vigorous exertion. + +Very tender and quiet thoughts of Garth came to her this evening, +perhaps brought about by the associations of moonlight. + + "The moon shines bright:--in such a night as this, + When the sweet wind did gently kiss the trees, + And they did make no noise--" + +Ah! the great poet knew the effect upon the heart of a vivid +reminder to the senses. Jane now passed beneath the spell. + +To begin with, Garth's voice seemed singing everywhere: + + "Enable with perpetual light + The dulness of our blinded sight." + +Then from out the deep blue and silvery light, Garth's dear adoring +eyes seemed watching her. Jane closed her own, to see them better. +To-night she did not feel like shrinking from them, they were so +full of love. + +No shade of critical regard was in them. Ah! had she wronged him +with her fears for the future? Her heart seemed full of trust to- +night, full of confidence in him and in herself. It seemed to her +that if he were here she could go out with him into this brilliant +moonlight, seat herself upon some ancient fallen stone, and let him +kneel in front of her and gaze and gaze in his persistent way, as +much as he pleased. In thought there seemed to-night no shrinking +from those dear eyes. She felt she would say: "It is all your own, +Garth, to look at when you will. For your sake, I could wish it +beautiful; but if it is as you like it, my own Dear, why should I +hide it from you?" + +What had brought about this change of mind? Had Deryck's +prescription done its full work? Was this a saner point of view than +the one she had felt constrained to take when she arrived, through +so much agony of renunciation, at her decision? Instead of going up +the Nile, and then to Constantinople and Athens, should she take the +steamer which sailed from Alexandria to-morrow, be in London a week +hence, send for Garth, make full confession, and let him decide as +to their future? + +That he loved her still, it never occurred to Jane to doubt. At the +very thought of sending for him and telling him the simple truth, he +seemed so near her once more, that she could feel the clasp of his +arms, and his head upon her heart. And those dear shining eyes! Oh, +Garth, Garth! + +"One thing is clear to me to-night," thought Jane. "If he still +needs me--wants me--I cannot live any longer away from him. I must +go to him." She opened her eyes and looked towards the Sphinx. The +whole line of reasoning which had carried such weight at Shenstone +flashed through her mind in twenty seconds. Then she closed her eyes +again and clasped her hands upon her bosom. + +"I will risk it," she said; and deep joy awoke within her heart. + +A party of English people came from the dining-room on to the piazza +with a clatter. They had arrived that evening and gone in late to +dinner. Jane had hardly noticed them,--a handsome woman and her +daughter, two young men, and an older man of military appearance. +They did not interest Jane, but they broke in upon her reverie; for +they seated themselves at a table near by and, in truly British +fashion, continued a loud-voiced conversation, as if no one else +were present. One or two foreigners, who had been peacefully +dreaming over coffee and cigarettes, rose and strolled away to quiet +seats under the palm trees. Jane would have done the same, but she +really felt too comfortable to move, and afraid of losing the sweet +sense of Garth's nearness. So she remained where she was. + +The elderly man held in his hand a letter and a copy of the MORNING +POST, just received from England. They were discussing news +contained in the letter and a paragraph he had been reading aloud +from the paper. + +"Poor fellow! How too sad!" said the chaperon of the party. + +"I should think he would sooner have been killed outright!" +exclaimed the girl. "I know I would." + +"Oh, no," said one of the young men, leaning towards her. "Life is +sweet, under any circumstances." + +"Oh, but blind!" cried the young voice, with a shudder. "Quite blind +for the rest of one's life. Horrible!" + +"Was it his own gun?" asked the older woman. "And how came they to +be having a shooting party in March?" + +Jane smiled a fierce smile into the moonlight. Passionate love of +animal life, intense regard for all life, even of the tiniest +insect, was as much a religion with her as the worship of beauty was +with Garth. She never could pretend sorrow over these accounts of +shooting accidents, or falls in the hunting-field. When those who +went out to inflict cruel pain were hurt themselves; when those who +went forth to take eager, palpitating life, lost their own; it +seemed to Jane a just retribution. She felt no regret, and pretended +none. So now she smiled fiercely to herself, thinking: "One pair of +eyes the less to look along a gun and frustrate the despairing dash +for home and little ones of a terrified little mother rabbit. One +hand that will never again change a soaring upward flight of +spreading wings, into an agonised mass of falling feathers. One +chance to the good, for the noble stag, as he makes a brave run to +join his hinds in the valley." + +Meanwhile the military-looking man had readjusted his eye-glasses +and was holding the sheets of a closely written letter to the light. + +"No," he said after a moment, "shooting parties are over. There is +nothing doing on the moors now. They were potting bunnies." + +"Was he shooting?" asked the girl. + +"No," replied the owner of the letter, "and that seems such hard +luck. He had given up shooting altogether a year or two ago. He +never really enjoyed it, because he so loved the beauty of life and +hated death in every form. He has a lovely place in the North, and +was up there painting. He happened to pass within sight of some +fellows rabbit-shooting, and saw what he considered cruelty to a +wounded rabbit. He vaulted over a gate to expostulate and to save +the little creature from further suffering. Then it happened. One of +the lads, apparently startled, let off his gun. The charge struck a +tree a few yards off, and the shot glanced. It did not strike him +full. The face is only slightly peppered and the brain quite +uninjured. But shots pierced the retina of each eye, and the sight +is hopelessly gone." + +"Awful hard luck," said the young man. + +"I never can understand a chap not bein' keen on shootin'," said the +youth who had not yet spoken. + +"Ah, but you would if you had known him," said the soldier. "He was +so full of life and vivid vitality. One could not imagine him either +dying or dealing death. And his love of the beautiful was almost a +form of religious worship. I can't explain it; but he had a way of +making you see beauty in things you had hardly noticed before. And +now, poor chap, he can't see them himself." + +"Has he a mother?" asked the older woman. + +"No, he has no one. He is absolutely alone. Scores of friends of +course; he was a most popular man about town, and could stay in +almost any house in the kingdom if he chose to send a post-card to +say he was coming. But no relations, I believe, and never would +marry. Poor chap! He will wish he had been less fastidious, now. He +might have had the pick of all the nicest girls, most seasons. But +not he! Just charming friendships, and wedded to his art. And now, +as Lady Ingleby, says, he lies in the dark, helpless and alone." + +"Oh, do talk of something else!" cried the girl, pushing back her +chair and rising. "I want to forget it. It's too horribly sad. Fancy +what it must be to wake up and not know whether it is day or night, +and to have to lie in the dark and wonder. Oh, do come out and talk +of something cheerful." + +They all rose, and the young man slipped his hand through the girl's +arm, glad of the excuse her agitation provided. + +"Forget it, dear," he said softly. "Come on out and see the old +Sphinx by moonlight." + +They left the piazza, followed by the rest of the party; but the man +to whom the MORNING POST belonged laid it on the table and stayed +behind, lighting a cigar. + +Jane rose from her chair and came towards him. + +"May I look at your paper?" she said abruptly. + +"Certainly," he replied, with ready courtesy. Then, looking more +closely at her: "Why, certainly, Miss Champion. And how do you do? I +did not know you were in these parts." + +"Ah, General Loraine! Your face seemed familiar, but I had not +recognised you, either. Thanks, I will borrow this if I may. And +don't let me keep you from your friends. We shall meet again by and +by." + +Jane waited until the whole party had passed out of sight and until +the sound of their voices and laughter had died away in the +distance. Then she returned to her chair, the place where Garth had +seemed so near. She looked once more at the Sphinx and at the huge +pyramid in the moonlight. + +Then she took up the paper and opened it. + + "Enable with perpetual light + The dulness of our blinded sight." + +Yes--it was Garth Dalmain--HER Garth, of the adoring shining eyes-- +who lay at his house in the North; blind, helpless, and alone. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +IN DERYCK'S SAFE CONTROL + + +The white cliffs of Dover gradually became more solid and distinct, +until at length they rose from the sea, a strong white wall, emblem +of the undeniable purity of England, the stainless honour and +integrity of her throne, her church, her parliament, her courts of +justice, and her dealings at home and abroad, whether with friend or +foe. "Strength and whiteness," thought Jane as she paced the +steamer's deck; and after a two years' absence her heart went out to +her native land. Then Dover Castle caught her eye, so beautiful in +the pearly light of that spring afternoon. Her mind leaped to +enjoyment, then fell back stunned by the blow of quick remembrance, +and Jane shut her eyes. + +All beautiful sights brought this pang to her heart since the +reading of that paragraph on the piazza of the Mena House Hotel. + +An hour after she had read it, she was driving down the long +straight road to Cairo; embarked at Alexandria the next day; landed +at Brindisi, and this night and day travelling had brought her at +last within sight of the shores of England. In a few minutes she +would set foot upon them, and then there would be but two more +stages to her journey. For, from the moment she started, Jane never +doubted her ultimate destination,--the room where pain and darkness +and despair must be waging so terrible a conflict against the moral +courage, the mental sanity, and the instinctive hold on life of the +man she loved. + +That she was going to him, Jane knew; but she felt utterly unable to +arrange how or in what way her going could be managed. That it was a +complicated problem, her common sense told her; though her yearning +arms and aching bosom cried out: "O God, is it not simple? Blind and +alone! MY Garth!" + +But she knew an unbiased judgment, steadier than her own, must solve +the problem; and that her surest way to Garth lay through the +doctor's consulting-room. So she telegraphed to Deryck from Paris, +and at present her mind saw no further than Wimpole Street. + +At Dover she bought a paper, and hastily scanned its pages as she +walked along the platform in the wake of the capable porter who had +taken possession of her rugs and hand baggage. In the personal +column she found the very paragraph she sought. + +"We regret to announce that Mr. Garth Dalmain still lies in a most +precarious condition at his house on Deeside, Aberdeenshire, as a +result of the shooting accident a fortnight ago. His sight is +hopelessly gone, but the injured parts were progressing favourably, +and all fear of brain complications seemed over. During the last few +days, however, a serious reaction from shock has set in, and it has +been considered necessary to summon Sir Deryck Brand, the well-known +nerve specialist, in consultation with the oculist and the local +practitioner in charge of the case. There is a feeling of wide- +spread regret and sympathy in those social and artistic circles +where Mr. Dalmain was so well-known and so deservedly popular." + +"Oh, thank you, m'lady," said the efficient porter when he had +ascertained, by a rapid glance into his palm, that Jane's half-crown +was not a penny. He had a sick young wife at home, who had been +ordered extra nourishment, and just as the rush on board began, he +had put up a simple prayer to the Heavenly Father "who knoweth that +ye have need of these things," asking that he might catch the eye of +a generous traveller. He felt he had indeed been "led" to this +plain, brown-faced, broad-shouldered lady, when he remembered how +nearly, after her curt nod from a distance had engaged him, he had +responded to the blandishments of a fussy little woman, with many +more bags and rugs, and a parrot cage, who was now doling French +coppers out of the window of the next compartment. "Seven pence +'apenny of this stuff ain't much for carrying all that along, I +DON'T think!" grumbled his mate; and Jane's young porter experienced +the double joy of faith confirmed, and willing service generously +rewarded. + +A telegraph boy walked along the train, saying: "Honrubble Jain +Champyun" at intervals. Jane heard her name, and her arm shot out of +the window. + +"Here, my boy! It is for me." + +She tore it open. It was from the doctor. + +"Welcome home. Just back from Scotland. Will meet you Charing Cross, +and give you all the time you want. Have coffee at Dover. DERYCK." + +Jane gave one hard, tearless sob of thankfulness and relief. She had +been so lonely. + +Then she turned to the window. "Here, somebody! Fetch me a cup of +coffee, will you?" + +Coffee was the last thing she wanted; but it never occurred to any +one to disobey the doctor, even at a distance. + +The young porter, who still stood sentry at the door of Jane's +compartment, dashed off to the refreshment room; and, just as the +train began to move, handed a cup of steaming coffee and a plate of +bread-and-butter in at the window. + +"Oh, thank you, my good fellow," said Jane, putting the plate on the +seat, while she dived into her pocket. "Here! you have done very +well for me. No, never mind the change. Coffee at a moment's notice +should fetch a fancy price. Good-bye." + +The train moved on, and the porter stood looking after it with tears +in his eyes. Over the first half-crown he had said to himself: "Milk +and new-laid eggs." Now, as he pocketed the second, he added the +other two things mentioned by the parish doctor: "Soup and jelly"; +and his heart glowed. "Your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have +need of these things." + +And Jane, seated in a comfortable corner, choked back the tears of +relief which threatened to fall, drank her coffee, and was thereby +more revived than she could have thought possible. She, also, had +need of many things. Not of half-crowns; of those she had plenty. +But above all else she needed just now a wise, strong, helpful +friend, and Deryck had not failed her. + +She read his telegram through once more, and smiled. How like him to +think of the coffee; and oh, how like him to be coming to the +station. + +She took off her hat and leaned back against the cushions. She had +been travelling night and day, in one feverish whirl of haste, and +at last she had brought herself within reach of Deryck's hand and +Deryck's safe control. The turmoil of her soul was stilled; a great +calm took its place, and Jane dropped quietly off to sleep. "Your +heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of these things." + + * * * * * * * + +Washed and brushed and greatly refreshed, Jane stood at the window +of her compartment as the train steamed into Charing Cross. + +The doctor was stationed exactly opposite the door when her carriage +came to a standstill; mere chance, and yet, to Jane, it seemed so +like him to have taken up his position precisely at the right spot +on that long platform. An enthusiastic lady patient had once said of +Deryck Brand, with more accuracy of definition than of grammar: "You +know, he is always so very JUST THERE." And this characteristic of +the doctor had made him to many a very present help in time of +trouble. + +He was through the line of porters and had his hand upon the handle +of Jane's door in a moment. Standing at the window, she took one +look at the firm lean face, now alight with welcome, and read in the +kind, steadfast eyes of her childhood's friend a perfect sympathy +and comprehension. Then she saw behind him her aunt's footman, and +her own maid, who had been given a place in the duchess's household. +In another moment she was on the platform and her hand was in +Deryck's. + +"That is right, dear," he said. "All fit and well, I can see. Now +hand over your keys. I suppose you have nothing contraband? I +telephoned the duchess to send some of her people to meet your +luggage, and not to expect you herself until dinner time, as you +were taking tea with us. Was that right? This way. Come outside the +barrier. What a rabble! All wanting to break every possible rule and +regulation, and each trying to be the first person in the front row. +Really the patience and good temper of railway officials should +teach the rest of mankind a lesson." + +The doctor, talking all the time, piloted Jane through the crowd; +opened the door of a neat electric brougham, helped her in, took his +seat beside her, and they glided swiftly out into the Strand, and +turned towards Trafalgar Square. + +"Well," said the doctor, "Niagara is a big thing isn't it? When +people say to me, 'Were you not disappointed in Niagara? WE were!' I +feel tempted to wish, for one homicidal moment, that the earth would +open her mouth and swallow them up. People who can be disappointed +in Niagara, and talk about it, should no longer be allowed to crawl +on the face of the earth. And how about the 'Little Mother'? Isn't +she worth knowing? I hope she sent me her love. And New York +harbour! Did you ever see anything to equal it, as you steam away in +the sunset?" + +Jane gave a sudden sob; then turned to him, dry-eyed. + +"Is there no hope, Deryck?" + +The doctor laid his hand on hers. "He will always be blind, dear. +But life holds other things beside sight. We must never say: 'No +hope.'" + +"Will he live?" + +"There is no reason he should not live. But how far life will be +worth living, largely depends upon what can be done for him, poor +chap, during the next few months. He is more shattered mentally than +physically." + +Jane pulled off her gloves, swallowed suddenly, then gripped the +doctor's knee. "Deryck--I love him." + +The doctor remained silent for a few moments, as if pondering this +tremendous fact. Then he lifted the fine, capable hand resting upon +his knee and kissed it with a beautiful reverence,--a gesture +expressing the homage of the man to the brave truthfulness of the +woman. + +"In that case, dear," he said, "the future holds in store so great a +good for Garth Dalmain that I think he may dispense with sight.-- +Meanwhile you have much to say to me, and it is, of course, your +right to hear every detail of his case that I can give. And here we +are at Wimpole Street. Now come into my consulting-room. Stoddart +has orders that we are on no account to be disturbed." + + + + +CHAPTER XV + +THE CONSULTATION + + +The doctor's room was very quiet. Jane leaned back in his dark green +leather arm-chair, her feet on a footstool, her hands gripping the +arms on either side. + +The doctor sat at his table, in the round pivot-chair he always +used,--a chair which enabled him to swing round suddenly and face a +patient, or to turn away very quietly and bend over his table. + +Just now he was not looking at Jane. He had been giving her a +detailed account of his visit to Castle Gleneesh, which he had left +only on the previous evening. He had spent five hours with Garth. It +seemed kindest to tell her all; but he was looking straight before +him as he talked, because he knew that at last the tears were +running unchecked down Jane's cheeks, and he wished her to think he +did not notice them. + +"You understand, dear," he was saying, "the actual wounds are going +on well. Strangely enough, though the retina of each eye was +pierced, and the sight is irrecoverably gone, there was very little +damage done to surrounding parts, and the brain is quite uninjured. +The present danger arises from the shock to the nervous system and +from the extreme mental anguish caused by the realisation of his +loss. The physical suffering during the first days and nights must +have been terrible. Poor fellow, he looks shattered by it. But his +constitution is excellent, and his life has been so clean, healthy, +and normal, that he had every chance of making a good recovery, were +it not that as the pain abated and his blindness became more a thing +to be daily and hourly realised, his mental torture was so +excessive. Sight has meant so infinitely much to him,--beauty of +form, beauty of colour. The artist in him was so all-pervading. They +tell me he said very little. He is a brave man and a strong one. But +his temperature began to vary alarmingly; he showed symptoms of +mental trouble, of which I need not give you technical details; and +a nerve specialist seemed more necessary than an oculist. Therefore +he is now in my hands." + +The doctor paused, straightened a few books lying on the table, and +drew a small bowl of violets closer to him. He studied these +attentively for a few moments, then put them back where his wife had +placed them and went on speaking. + +"I am satisfied on the whole. He needed a friendly voice to +penetrate the darkness. He needed a hand to grasp his, in faithful +comprehension. He did not want pity, and those who talked of his +loss without understanding it, or being able to measure its +immensity, maddened him. He needed a fellow-man to come to him and +say: 'It is a fight--an awful, desperate fight. But by God's grace +you will win through to victory. It would be far easier to die; but +to die would be to lose; you must live to win. It is utterly beyond +all human strength; but by God's grace you will come through +conqueror.' All this I said to him, Jeanette, and a good deal more; +and then a strangely beautiful thing happened. I can tell you, and +of course I could tell Flower, but to no one else on earth would I +repeat it. The difficulty had been to obtain from him any response +whatever. He did not seem able to rouse sufficiently to notice +anything going on around him. But those words, 'by God's grace,' +appeared to take hold of him and find immediate echo in his inner +consciousness. I heard him repeat them once or twice, and then +change them to 'with the abundance of Thy grace.' Then he turned his +head slowly on the pillow, and what one could see of his face seemed +transformed. He said: 'Now I remember it, and the music is this'; +and his hands moved on the bedclothes, as if forming chords. Then, +in a very low voice, but quite clearly, he repeated the second verse +of the VENI, CREATOR SPIRITUS. I knew it, because I used to sing it +as a chorister in my father's church at home. You remember?" + + "'Enable with perpetual light + The dulness of our blinded sight. + Anoint and cheer our soiled face + With the abundance of Thy grace. + Keep far our foes; give peace at home; + Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come.'" + +"It was the most touching thing I ever heard." + +The doctor paused, for Jane had buried her face in her hands and was +sobbing convulsively. When her sobs grew less violent, the doctor's +quiet voice continued: "You see, this gave me something to go upon. +When a crash such as this happens, all a man has left to hold on to +is his religion. According as his spiritual side has been developed, +will his physical side stand the strain. Dalmain has more of the +real thing than any one would think who only knew him superficially. +Well, after that we talked quite definitely, and I persuaded him to +agree to one or two important arrangements. You know, he has no +relations of his own, to speak of; just a few cousins, who have +never been very friendly. He is quite alone up there; for, though he +has hosts of friends, this is a time when friends would have to be +very intimate to be admitted; and though he seemed so boyish and +easy to know, I begin to doubt whether any of us knew the real +Garth--the soul of the man, deep down beneath the surface." + +Jane lifted her head. "I did," she said simply. + +"Ah," said the doctor, "I see. Well, as I said, ordinary friends +could not be admitted. Lady Ingleby went, in her sweet impulsive +way, without letting them know she was coming; travelled all the way +up from Shenstone with no maid, and nothing but a handbag, and +arrived at the door in a fly. Robert Mackenzie, the local medical +man, who is an inveterate misogynist, feared at first she was an +unsuspected wife of Dal's. He seemed to think unannounced ladies +arriving in hired vehicles must necessarily turn out to be +undesirable wives. I gather they had a somewhat funny scene. But +Lady Ingleby soon got round old Robbie, and came near to charming +him--as whom does she not? But of course they did not dare let her +into Dal's room; so her ministry of consolation appears to have +consisted in letting Dal's old housekeeper weep on her beautiful +shoulder. It was somewhat of a comedy, hearing about it, when one +happened to know them all, better than they knew each other. But to +return to practical details. He has had a fully trained male nurse +and his own valet to wait on him. He absolutely refused one of our +London hospital nurses, who might have brought a little gentle +comfort and womanly sympathy to his sick-room. He said he could not +stand being touched by a woman; so there it remained. A competent +man was found instead. But we can now dispense with him, and I have +insisted upon sending up a lady nurse of my own choosing; not so +much to wait on him, or do any of a sick-nurse's ordinary duties-- +his own man can do these, and he seems a capable fellow--but to sit +with him, read to him, attend to his correspondence,--there are +piles of unopened letters he ought to hear,--in fact help him to +take up life again in his blindness. It will need training; it will +require tact; and this afternoon I engaged exactly the right person. +She is a gentlewoman by birth, has nursed for me before, and is well +up in the special knowledge of mental things which this case +requires. Also she is a pretty, dainty little thing; just the kind +of elegant young woman poor Dal would have liked to have about him +when he could see. He was such a fastidious chap about appearances, +and such a connoisseur of good looks. I have written a descriptive +account of her to Dr. Mackenzie, and he will prepare his patient for +her arrival. She is to go up the day after to-morrow. We are lucky +to get her, for she is quite first-rate, and she has only just +finished with a long consumptive case, now on the mend and ordered +abroad. So you see, Jeanette, all is shaping well.--And now, my dear +girl, you have a story of your own to tell me, and my whole +attention shall be at your disposal. But first of all I am going to +ring for tea, and you and I will have it quietly down here, if you +will excuse me for a few minutes while I go upstairs and speak to +Flower." + + * * * * * * * + +It seemed so natural to Jane to be pouring out the doctor's tea, and +to watch him putting a liberal allowance of salt on the thin bread- +and-butter, and then folding it over with the careful accuracy which +had always characterised his smallest action. In the essentials he +had changed so little since the days when as a youth of twenty +spending his vacations at the rectory he used to give the lonely +girl at the manor so much pleasure by coming up to her school-room +tea; and when it proved possible to dispose of her governess's +chaperonage and be by themselves, what delightful times they used to +have, sitting on the hearth-rug, roasting chestnuts and discussing +the many subjects which were of mutual interest. Jane could still +remember the painful pleasure of turning hot chestnuts on the bars +with her fingers, and how she hastened to do them herself, lest he +should be burned. She had always secretly liked and admired his +hands, with the brown thin fingers, so delicate in their touch and +yet full of such gentle strength. She used to love watching them +while he sharpened her pencils or drew wonderful diagrams in her +exercise books; thinking how in years to come, when he performed +important operations, human lives would depend upon their skill and +dexterity. In those early years he had seemed so much older than +she. And then came the time when she shot up rapidly into young +womanhood and their eyes were on a level and their ages seemed the +same. Then, as the years went on, Jane began to feel older than he, +and took to calling him "Boy" to emphasise this fact. And then came- +-Flower;--and complications. And Jane had to see his face grow thin +and worn, and his hair whiten on the temples. And she yearned over +him, yet dared not offer sympathy. At last things came right for the +doctor, and all the highest good seemed his; in his profession; in +his standing among men; and, above all, in his heart life, which +Flower had always held between her two sweet hands. And Jane +rejoiced, but felt still more lonely now she had no companion in +loneliness. And still their friendship held, with Flower admitted as +a third--a wistful, grateful third, anxious to learn from the woman +whose friendship meant so much to her husband, how to succeed where +she had hitherto failed. And Jane's faithful heart was generous and +loyal to both, though in sight of their perfect happiness her +loneliness grew. + +And now, in her own hour of need, it had to be Deryck only; and the +doctor knew this, and had arranged accordingly; for at last his +chance had come, to repay the faithful devotion of a lifetime. The +conversation of that afternoon would be the supreme test of their +friendship. And so, with a specialist's appreciation of the mental +effect of the most trivial external details, the doctor had ordered +muffins, and a kettle on the fire, and had asked Jane to make the +tea. + +By the time the kettle boiled, they had remembered the chestnuts, +and were laughing about poor old Fraulein's efforts to keep them in +order, and the strategies by which they used to evade her vigilance. +And the years rolled back, and Jane felt herself very much at home +with the chum of her childhood. + +Nevertheless, there was a moment of tension when the doctor drew +back the tea-table and they faced each other in easy-chairs on +either side of the fireplace. Each noticed how characteristic was +the attitude of the other. + +Jane sat forward, her feet firmly planted on the hearth-rug, her +arms on her knees, and her hands clasped in front of her. + +The doctor leaned back, one knee crossed over the other, his elbows +on the arms of his chair, the tips of his fingers meeting, in +absolute stillness of body and intense concentration of mind. + +The silence between them was like a deep, calm pool. + +Jane took the first plunge. + +"Deryck, I am going to tell you everything. I am going to speak of +my heart, and mind, and feelings, exactly as if they were bones, and +muscles, and lungs. I want you to combine the offices of doctor and +confessor in one." + +The doctor had been contemplating his finger-tips. He now glanced +swiftly at Jane, and nodded; then turned his head and looked into +the fire. + +"Deryck, mine has been a somewhat lonely existence. I have never +been essential to the life of another, and no one has ever touched +the real depths of mine. I have known they were there, but I have +known they were unsounded." + +The doctor opened his lips, as if to speak; then closed them in a +firmer line than before, and merely nodded his head silently. + +"I had never been loved with that love which makes one absolutely +first to a person, nor had I ever so loved. I had--cared very much; +but caring is not loving.--Oh, Boy, I know that now!" + +The doctor's profile showed rather white against the dark-green +background of his chair; but he smiled as he answered: "Quite true, +dear. There is a distinction, and a difference." + +"I had heaps of friends, and amongst them a good many nice men, +mostly rather younger than myself, who called me 'Miss Champion.' to +my face, and 'good old Jane' behind my back." + +The doctor smiled. He had as often heard the expression, and could +recall the whole-hearted affection and admiration in the tones of +those who used it. + +"Men as a rule," Continued Jane, "get on better with me than do +women. Being large and solid, and usually calling a spade 'a spade;' +and not 'a garden implement,' women consider me strong-minded, and +are inclined to be afraid of me. The boys know they can trust me; +they make a confidante of me, looking upon me as a sort of +convenient elder sister who knows less about them than an elder +sister would know, and is probably more ready to be interested in +those things which they choose to tell. Among my men friends, +Deryck, was Garth Dalmain." + +Jane paused, and the doctor waited silently for her to continue. + +"I was always interested in him, partly because he was so original +and vivid in his way of talking, and partly because"--a bright flush +suddenly crept up into the tanned cheeks-"well, though I did not +realise it then, I suppose I found his extraordinary beauty rather +fascinating. And then, our circumstances were so much alike,--both +orphans, and well off; responsible to no one for our actions; with +heaps of mutual friends, and constantly staying at the same houses. +We drifted into a pleasant intimacy, and of all my friends, he was +the one who made me feel most like `a man and a brother.' We +discussed women by the dozen, all his special admirations in turn, +and the effect of their beauty upon him, and I watched with interest +to see who, at last, would fix his roving fancy. But on one eventful +day all this was changed in half an hour. We were both staying at +Overdene. There was a big house party, and Aunt Georgina had +arranged a concert to which half the neighbourhood was coming. +Madame Velma failed at the last minute. Aunt 'Gina, in a great state +of mind, was borrowing remarks from her macaw. You know how? She +always says she is merely quoting `the dear bird.' Something had to +be done. I offered to take Velma's place; and I sang." + +"Ah," said the doctor. + +"I sang The Rosary--the song Flower asked for the last time I was +here. Do you remember?" + +The doctor nodded. "I remember." + +"After that, all was changed between Garth and me. I did not +understand it at first. I knew the music had moved him deeply, +beauty of sound having upon him much the same effect as beauty of +colour; but I thought the effect would pass in the night. But the +days went on, and there was always this strange sweet difference; +not anything others would notice; but I suddenly became conscious +that, for the first time in my whole life, I was essential to +somebody. I could not enter a room without realising that he was +instantly aware of my presence; I could not leave a room without +knowing that he would at once feel and regret my absence. The one +fact filled and completed all things; the other left a blank which +could not be removed. I knew this, and yet--incredible though it may +appear--I did not realise it meant LOVE. I thought it was an +extraordinarily close bond of sympathy and mutual understanding, +brought about principally by our enjoyment of one another's music. +We spent hours in the music-room. I put it down to that; yet when he +looked at me his eyes seemed to touch as well as see me, and it was +a very tender and wonderful touch. And all the while I never thought +of love. I was so plain and almost middle-aged; and he, such a +beautiful, radiant youth. He was like a young sun-god, and I felt +warmed and vivified when he was near; and he was almost always near. +Honestly, that was my side of the days succeeding the concert. But +HIS! He told me afterwards, Deryck, it had been a sudden revelation +to him when he heard me sing The Rosary, not of music only, but of +ME. He said he had never thought of me otherwise than as a good sort +of chum; but then it was as if a veil were lifted, and he saw, and +knew, and felt me as a woman. And--no doubt it will seem odd to you. +Boy; it did to me;--but he said, that the woman he found then was +his ideal of womanhood, and that from that hour he wanted me for his +own as he had never wanted anything before." + +Jane paused, and looked into the glowing heart of the fire. + +The doctor turned slowly and looked at Jane. He himself had +experienced the intense attraction of her womanliness,--all the more +overpowering when it was realised, because it did not appear upon +the surface. He had sensed the strong mother-tenderness lying +dormant within her; had known that her arms would prove a haven of +refuge, her bosom a soothing pillow, her love a consolation +unspeakable. In his own days of loneliness and disappointment, the +doctor had had to flee from this in Jane,--a precious gift, so easy +to have taken because of her very ignorance of it; but a gift to +which he had no right. Thus the doctor could well understand the +hold it would gain upon a man who had discovered it, and who was +free to win it for his own. + +But he only said, "I do not think it odd, dear." + +Jane had forgotten the doctor. She came back promptly from the +glowing heart of the fire. + +"I am glad you don't," she said. "I did.--well, we both left +Overdene on the same day. I came to you; he went to Shenstone. It +was a Tuesday. On the Friday I went down to Shenstone, and we met +again. Having been apart for a little while seemed to make this +curious feeling of `togetherness,' deeper and sweeter than ever. In +the Shenstone house party was that lovely American girl, Pauline +Lister. Garth was enthusiastic about her beauty, and set on painting +her. Everybody made sure he was going to propose to her. Deryck, I +thought so, too; in fact I had advised him to do it. I felt so +pleased and interested over it, though all the while his eyes +touched me when he looked at me, and I knew the day did not begin +for him until we had met, and was over when we had said good-night. +And this experience of being first and most to him made everything +so golden, and life so rich, and still I thought of it only as an +unusually delightful friendship. But the evening of my arrival at +Shenstone he asked me to come out on to the terrace after dinner, as +he wanted specially to talk to me. Deryck, I thought it was the +usual proceeding of making a confidante of me, and that I was to +hear details of his intentions regarding Miss Lister. Thinking that, +I walked calmly out beside him; sat down on the parapet, in the +brilliant moonlight, and quietly waited for him to begin. Then--oh, +Deryck! It happened." + +Jane put her elbows on her knees, and buried her face in her clasped +hands. + +"I cannot tell you--details. His love--it just poured over me like +molten gold. It melted the shell of my reserve; it burst through the +ice of my convictions; it swept me off my feet upon a torrent of +wondrous fire. I knew nothing in heaven or earth but that this love +was mine, and was for me. And then--oh, Deryck! I can't explain--I +don't know myself how it happened--but this whirlwind of emotion +came to rest upon my heart. He knelt with his arms around me, and we +held each other in a sudden great stillness; and in that moment I +was all his, and he knew it. He might have stayed there hours if he +had not moved or spoken; but presently he lifted up his face and +looked at me. Then he said two words. I can't repeat them, Boy; but +they brought me suddenly to my senses, and made me realise what it +all meant. Garth Dalmain wanted me to marry him." + +Jane paused, awaiting the doctor's expression of surprise. + +"What else could it have meant?" said Deryck Brand, very quietly. He +passed his hand over his lips, knowing they trembled a little. +Jane's confessions were giving him a stiffer time than he had +expected. "Well, dear, so you--?" + +"I stood up," said Jane; "for while he knelt there he was master of +me, mind and body; and some instinct told me that if I were to be +won to wifehood, my reason must say `yes' before the rest of me. It +is `spirit, soul, and body' in the Word, not `body, soul, and +spirit,' as is so often misquoted; and I believe the inspired +sequence to be the right one." + +The doctor made a quick movement of interest. "Good heavens, Jane!" +he said. "You have got hold of a truth there, and you have expressed +it exactly as I have often wanted to express it without being able +to find the right words. You have found them, Jeanette." + +She looked into his eager eyes and smiled sadly. "Have I, Boy?" she +said. "Well, they have cost me dear.--I put my lover from me and +told him I must have twelve hours for calm reflection. He was so +sure--so sure of me, so sure of himself--that he agreed without a +protest. At my request he left me at once. The manner of his going I +cannot tell, even to you, Dicky. I promised to meet him at the +village church next day and give him my answer. He was to try the +new organ at eleven. We knew we should be alone. I came. He sent +away the blower. He called me to him at the chancel step. The +setting was so perfect. The artist in him sang for joy, and thrilled +with expectation. The glory of absolute certainty was in his eyes; +though he had himself well in hand. He kept from touching me while +he asked for my answer. Then--I refused him, point blank, giving a +reason he could not question. He turned from me and left the church, +and I have not spoken to him from that day to this." + +A long silence in the doctor's consulting-room. One manly heart was +entering into the pain of another, and yet striving not to be +indignant until he knew the whole truth. + +Jane's spirit was strung up to the same pitch as in that fateful +hour, and once more she thought herself right. + +At last the doctor spoke. He looked at her searchingly now, and held +her eyes. + +"And why did you refuse him, Jane?" The kind voice was rather stern. + +Jane put out her hands to him appealingly. "Ah, Boy, I must make you +understand! How could I do otherwise, though, indeed, it was putting +away the highest good life will ever hold for me? Deryck, you know +Garth well enough to realise how dependent he is on beauty; he must +be surrounded by it, perpetually. Before this unaccountable need of +each other came to us he had talked to me quite freely on this +point, saying of a plain person whose character and gifts he greatly +admired, and whose face he grew to like in consequence: 'But of +course it was not the sort of face one would have wanted to live +with, or to have day after day opposite to one at table; but then +one was not called to that sort of discipline, which would be +martyrdom to me.' Oh, Deryck! Could I have tied Garth to my plain +face? Could I have let myself become a daily, hourly discipline to +that radiant, beauty-loving nature? I know they say, 'Love is +blind.' But that is before Love has entered into his kingdom. Love +desirous, sees only that, in the one beloved, which has awakened the +desire. But Love content, regains full vision, and, as time goes on, +those powers of vision increase and become, by means of daily, +hourly, use,--microscopic and telescopic. Wedded love is not blind. +Bah! An outsider staying with married people is apt to hear what +love sees, on both sides, and the delusion of love's blindness is +dispelled forever. I know Garth was blind, during all those golden +days, to my utter lack of beauty, because he wanted ME so much. But +when he had had me, and had steeped himself in all I have to give of +soul and spirit beauty; when the daily routine of life began, which +after all has to be lived in complexions, and with features to the +fore; when he sat down to breakfast and I saw him glance at me and +then look away, when I was conscious that I was sitting behind the +coffee-pot, looking my very plainest, and that in consequence my +boy's discipline had begun; could I have borne it? Should I not, in +the miserable sense of failing him day by day, through no fault of +my own, have grown plainer and plainer; until bitterness and +disappointment, and perhaps jealousy, all combined to make me +positively ugly? I ask you, Deryck, could I have borne it?" + +The doctor was looking at Jane with an expression of keen +professional interest. + +"How awfully well I diagnosed the case when I sent you abroad," he +remarked meditatively. "Really, with so little data to go upon--" + +"Oh, Boy," cried Jane, with a movement of impatience, "don't speak +to me as if I were a patient. Treat me as a human being, at least, +and tell me--as man to man--could I have tied Garth Dalmain to my +plain face? For you know it is plain." + +The doctor laughed. He was glad to make Jane a little angry. "My +dear girl," he said, "were we speaking as man to man, I should have +a few very strong things to say to you. As we are speaking as man to +woman,--and as a man who has for a very long time respected, +honoured, and admired a very dear and noble woman,--I will answer +your question frankly. You are not beautiful, in the ordinary +acceptation of the word, and no one who really loves you would +answer otherwise; because no one who knows and loves you would dream +of telling you a lie. We will even allow, if you like, that you are +plain, although I know half a dozen young men who, were they here, +would want to kick me into the street for saying so, and I should +have to pretend in self-defence that their ears had played them +false and I had said, 'You are JANE,' which is all they would +consider mattered. So long as you are yourself, your friends will be +well content. At the same time, I may add, while this dear face is +under discussion, that I can look back to times when I have felt +that I would gladly walk twenty miles for a sight of it; and in its +absence I have always wished it present, and in its presence I have +never wished it away." + +"Ah, but, Deryck, you did not have to have it always opposite you at +meals," insisted Jane gravely. + +"Unfortunately not. But I enjoyed the meals more on the happy +occasions when it was there." + +"And, Deryck--YOU DID NOT HAVE TO KISS IT." + +The doctor threw back his head and shouted with laughter, so that +Flower, passing up the stairs, wondered what turn the conversation +could be taking. + +But Jane was quite serious; and saw in it no laughing matter. + +"No, dear," said the doctor when he had recovered; "to my infinite +credit be it recorded, that in all the years I have known it I have +never once kissed it." + +"Dicky, don't tease! Oh, Boy, it is the most vital question of my +whole life; and if you do not now give me wise and thoughtful +advice, all this difficult confession will have been for nothing." + +The doctor became grave immediately. He leaned forward and took +those clasped hands between his. + +"Dear," he said, "forgive me if I seemed to take it lightly. My most +earnest thought is wholly at your disposal. And now let me ask you a +few questions. How did you ever succeed in convincing Dalmain that +such a thing as this was an insuperable obstacle to your marriage?" + +"I did not give it as a reason." + +"What then did you give as your reason for refusing him?" + +"I asked him how old he was." + +"Jane! Standing there beside him in the chancel, where he had come +awaiting your answer?" + +"Yes. It did seem awful when I came to think it over afterwards. But +it worked." + +"I have no doubt it worked. What then?" + +"He said he was twenty-seven. I said I was thirty, and looked +thirty-five, and felt forty. I also said he might be twenty-seven, +but he looked nineteen, and I was sure he often felt nine." + +"Well?" + +"Then I said that I could not marry a mere boy." + +"And he acquiesced?" + +"He seemed stunned at first. Then he said of course I could not +marry him if I considered him that. He said it was the first time he +had given a thought to himself in the matter. Then he said he bowed +to my decision, and he walked down the church and went out, and we +have not met since." + +"Jane," said the doctor, "I wonder he did not see through it. You +are so unused to lying, that you cannot have lied, on the chancel +step, to the man you loved, with much conviction." + +A dull red crept up beneath Jane's tan. + +"Oh, Deryck, it was not entirely a lie. It was one of those dreadful +lies which are 'part a truth,' of which Tennyson says that they are +'a harder matter to fight.'" + + "'A lie which is all a lie + May be met and fought with outright; + But a lie which is part a truth + Is a harder matter to fight,'" + +quoted the doctor. + +"Yes," said Jane. "And he could not fight this, just because it was +partly true. He is younger than I by three years, and still more by +temperament. It was partly for his delightful youthfulness that I +feared my maturity and staidness. It was part a truth, but oh, +Deryck, it was more a lie; and it was altogether a lie to call him-- +the man whom I had felt complete master of me the evening before--'a +mere boy.' Also he could not fight it because it took him so utterly +by surprise. He had been all the time as completely without self- +consciousness, as I had been morbidly full of it. His whole thought +had been of me. Mine had been of him and--of myself." + +"Jane," said the doctor, "of all that you have suffered since that +hour, you deserved every pang." + +Jane bent her head. "I know," she said. + +"You were false to yourself, and not true to your lover. You robbed +and defrauded both. Cannot you now see your mistake? To take it on +the lowest ground, Dalmain, worshipper of beauty as he was, had had +a surfeit of pretty faces. He was like the confectioner's boy who +when first engaged is allowed to eat all the cakes and sweets he +likes, and who eats so many in the first week, that ever after he +wants only plain bread-and-butter. YOU were Dal's bread-and-butter. +I am sorry if you do not like the simile." + +Jane smiled. "I do like the simile," she said. + +"Ah, but you were far more than this, my dear girl. You were his +ideal of womanhood. He believed in your strength and tenderness, +your graciousness and truth. You shattered this ideal; you failed +this faith in you. His fanciful, artistic, eclectic nature with all +its unused possibilities of faithful and passionate devotion, had +found its haven in your love; and in twelve hours you turned it +adrift. Jane--it was a crime. The magnificent strength of the fellow +is shown by the way he took it. His progress in his art was not +arrested. All his best work has been done since. He has made no bad +mad marriage, in mockery of his own pain; and no grand loveless one, +to spite you. He might have done both--I mean either. And when I +realise that the poor fellow I was with yesterday--making such a +brave fight in the dark, and turning his head on the pillow to say +with a gleam of hope on his drawn face: `Where Thou art Guide, no +ill can come'--had already been put through all this by you--Jane, +if you were a man, I'd horsewhip you!" said the doctor. + +Jane squared her shoulders and lifted her head with more of her old +spirit than she had yet shown. + +"You have lashed me well, Boy," she said, "as only words spoken in +faithful indignation can lash. And I feel the better for the pain.-- +And now I think I ought to tell you that while I was on the top of +the Great Pyramid I suddenly saw the matter from a different +standpoint. You remember that view, with its sharp line of +demarcation? On one side the river, and verdure, vegetation, +fruitfulness, a veritable 'garden enclosed'; on the other, vast +space as far as the eye could reach; golden liberty, away to the +horizon, but no sign of vegetation, no hope of cultivation, just +barren, arid, loneliness. I felt this was an exact picture of my +life as I live it now. Garth's love, flowing through it, as the +river, could have made it a veritable 'garden of the Lord.' It would +have meant less liberty, but it would also have meant no loneliness. +And, after all, the liberty to live for self alone becomes in time a +weary bondage. Then I realised that I had condemned him also to this +hard desert life. I came down and took counsel of the old Sphinx. +Those calm, wise eyes, looking on into futurity, seemed to say: +'They only live who love.' That evening I resolved to give up the +Nile trip, return home immediately, send for Garth, admit all to +him, asking him to let us both begin again just where we were three +years ago in the moonlight on the terrace at Shenstone. Ten minutes +after I had formed this decision, I heard of his accident." + +The doctor shaded his face with his hand. "The wheels of time," he +said in a low voice, "move forward--always; backward, never." + +"Oh, Deryck," cried Jane, "sometimes they do. You and Flower know +that sometimes they do." + +The doctor smiled sadly and very tenderly. "I know," he said, "that +there is always one exception which proves every rule." Then he +added quickly: "But, unquestionably, it helps to mend matters, so +far as your own mental attitude is concerned, that before you knew +of Dalmain's blindness you should have admitted yourself wrong, and +made up your mind to trust him." + +"I don't know that I was altogether clear about having been wrong," +said Jane, "but I was quite convinced that I couldn't live any +longer without him, and was therefore prepared to risk it. And of +course now, all doubt or need to question is swept away by my poor +boy's accident, which simplifies matters, where that particular +point is concerned." + +The doctor looked at Jane with a sudden raising of his level brows. +"Simplifies matters?" he said. + +Then, as Jane, apparently satisfied with the expression, did not +attempt to qualify it, he rose and stirred the fire; standing over +it for a few moments in silent thought. When he sat down again, his +voice was very quiet, but there was an alertness about his +expression which roused Jane. She felt that the crisis of their +conversation had been reached. + +"And now, my dear Jeanette," said the doctor, "suppose you tell me +what you intend doing." + +"Doing?" said Jane. "Why, of course, I shall go straight to Garth. I +only want you to advise me how best to let him know I am coming, and +whether it is safe for him to have the emotion of my arrival. Also I +don't want to risk being kept from him by doctors or nurses. My +place is by his side. I ask no better thing of life than to be +always beside him. But sick-room attendants are apt to be pig- +headed; and a fuss under these circumstances would be unbearable. A +wire from you will make all clear." + +"I see," said the doctor slowly. "Yes, a wire from me will +undoubtedly open a way for you to Garth Dalmain's bedside. And, +arrived there, what then?" + +A smile of ineffable tenderness parted Jane's lips. The doctor saw +it, but turned away immediately. It was not for him, or for any man, +to see that look. The eyes which should have seen it were sightless +evermore. + +"What then, Deryck? Love will know best what then. All barriers will +be swept away, and Garth and I will be together." + +The doctor's finger-tips met very exactly before he spoke again; and +when he did speak, his tone was very level and very kind. + +"Ah, Jane," he said, "that is the woman's point of view. It is +certainly the simplest, and perhaps the best. But at Garth's bedside +you will be confronted with the man's point of view; and I should be +failing the trust you have placed in me did I not put that before +you now.--From the man's point of view, your own mistaken action +three years ago has placed you now in an almost impossible position. +If you go to Garth with the simple offer of your love--the treasure +he asked three years ago and failed to win--he will naturally +conclude the love now given is mainly pity; and Garth Dalmain is not +the man to be content with pity, where he has thought to win love, +and failed. Nor would he allow any woman--least of all his crown of +womanhood--to tie herself to his blindness unless he were sure such +binding was her deepest joy. And how could you expect him to believe +this in face of the fact that, when he was all a woman's heart could +desire, you refused him and sent him from you?--If, on the other +hand, you explain, as no doubt you intend to do, the reason of that +refusal, he can but say one thing: 'You could not trust me to be +faithful when I had my sight. Blind, you come to me, when it is no +longer in my power to prove my fidelity. There is no virtue in +necessity. I can never feel I possess your trust, because you come +to me only when accident has put it out of my power either to do the +thing you feared, or to prove myself better than your doubts.' My +dear girl, that is how matters stand from the man's point of view; +from his, I make no doubt, even more than from mine; for I recognise +in Garth Dalmain a stronger man than myself. Had it been I that day +in the church, wanting you as he did, I should have grovelled at +your feet and promised to grow up. Garth Dalmain had the iron +strength to turn and go, without a protest, when the woman who had +owned him mate the evening before, refused him on the score of +inadequacy the next morning. I fear there is no question of the view +he would take of the situation as it now stands." + +Jane's pale, startled face went to the doctor's heart. + +"But Deryck--he--loves--" + +"Just because he loves, my poor old girl, where you are concerned he +could never be content with less than the best." + +"Oh, Boy, help me! Find a way! Tell me what to do!" Despair was in +Jane's eyes. + +The doctor considered long, in silence. At last he said: "I see only +one way out. If Dal could somehow be brought to realise your point +of view at that time as a possible one, without knowing it had +actually been the cause of your refusal of him, and could have the +chance to express himself clearly on the subject--to me, for +instance--in a way which might reach you without being meant to +reach you, it might put you in a better position toward him. But it +would be difficult to manage. If you could be in close contact with +his mind, constantly near him unseen--ah, poor chap, that is easy +now--I mean unknown to him; if, for instance, you could be in the +shoes of this nurse-companion person I am sending him, and get at +his mind on the matter; so that he could feel when you eventually +made your confession, he had already justified himself to you, and +thus gone behind his blindness, as it were." + +Jane bounded in her chair. "Deryck, I have it! Oh, send ME as his +nurse-companion! He would never dream it was I. It is three years +since he heard my voice, and he thinks me in Egypt. The society +column in all the papers, a few weeks ago, mentioned me as wintering +in Egypt and Syria and remaining abroad until May. Not a soul knows +I have come home. You are the best judge as to whether I have had +training and experience; and all through the war our work was fully +as much mental and spiritual, as surgical. It was not up to much +otherwise. Oh, Dicky, you could safely recommend me; and I still +have my uniforms stowed away in case of need. I could be ready in +twenty-four hours, and I would go as Sister--anything, and eat in +the kitchen if necessary." + +"But, my dear girl," said the doctor quietly, "you could not go as +Sister Anything, unfortunately. You could only go as Nurse Rosemary +Gray; for I engaged her this morning, and posted a full and explicit +account of her to Dr. Mackenzie, which he will read, to our patient. +I never take a case from one nurse and give it to another, excepting +for incompetency. And Nurse Rosemary Gray could more easily fly, +than prove incompetent. She will not be required to eat in the +kitchen. She is a gentlewoman, and will be treated as such. I wish +indeed you could be in her shoes, though I doubt whether you could +have carried it through--And now I have something to tell you. Just +before I left him, Dalmain asked after you. He sandwiched you most +carefully in between the duchess and Flower; but he could not keep +the blood out of his thin cheeks, and he gripped the bedclothes in +his effort to keep his voice steady. He asked where you were. I +said, I believed, in Egypt. When you were coming home. I told him I +had heard you intended returning to Jerusalem for Easter, and I +supposed we might expect you home at the end of April or early in +May. He inquired how you were. I replied that you were not a good +correspondent, but I gathered from occasional cables and post-cards +that you were very fit and having a good time. I then volunteered +the statement that it was I who had sent you abroad because you were +going all to pieces. He made a quick movement with his hand as if he +would have struck me for using the expression. Then he said: 'Going +to pieces? SHE!' in a tone of most utter contempt for me and my +opinions. Then he hastily made minute inquiries for Flower. He had +already asked about the duchess all the questions he intended asking +about you. When he had ascertained that Flower was at home and well, +and had sent him her affectionate sympathy, he begged me to glance +through a pile of letters which were waiting until he felt able to +have them read to him, and to tell him any of the handwritings known +to me. All the world seemed to have sent him letters of sympathy, +poor chap. I told him a dozen or so of the names I knew,--a royal +handwriting among them. He asked whether there were any from abroad. +There were two or three. I knew them all, and named them. He could +not bear to hear any of them read; even the royal letter remained +unopened, though he asked to have it in his hand, and fingered the +tiny crimson crown. Then he asked. 'Is there one from the duchess?' +There was. He wished to hear that one, so I opened and read it. It +was very characteristic of her Grace; full of kindly sympathy, +heartily yet tactfully expressed. Half-way through she said: 'Jane +will be upset. I shall write and tell her next time she sends me an +address. At present I have no idea in which quarter of the globe my +dear niece is to be found. Last time I heard of her she seemed in a +fair way towards marrying a little Jap and settling in Japan. Not a +bad idea, my dear Dal, is it? Though, if Japan is at all like the +paper screens, I don't know where in that Liliputian country they +will find a house, or a husband, or a what-do-you-call-'em thing +they ride in, solid enough for our good Jane!' With intuitive tact +of a very high order, I omitted this entire passage about marrying +the Jap. When your aunt's letter was finished, he asked point blank +whether there was one from you. I said No, but that it was unlikely +the news had reached you, and I felt sure you would write when it +did. So I hope you will, dear; and Nurse Rosemary Gray will have +instructions to read all his letters to him." + +"Oh, Deryck," said Jane brokenly, "I can't bear it! I must go to +him!" + +The telephone bell on the doctor's table whirred sharply. He went +over and took up the receiver. + +"Hullo! . . . Yes, it is Dr. Brand. . . . Who is speaking? . . . Oh, +is it you, Matron?"--Jane felt quite sorry the matron could not see +the doctor's charming smile into the telephone.--"Yes? What name did +you say? . . . Undoubtedly. This morning; quite definitely. A most +important case. She is to call and see me to-night . . . What? . . . +Mistake on register? Ah, I see . . . Gone where? . . . Where? . . . +Spell it, please . . . Australia! Oh, quite out of reach! . . . +Yes, I heard he was ordered there . . . Never mind, Matron. You are +in no way to blame . . . Thanks, I think not. I have some one in +view . . . Yes. . . . Yes. . . . No doubt she might do . . . I will +let you know if I should require her . . . Good-bye, Matron, and +thank you." + +The doctor hung up the receiver. Then he turned to Jane; a slow, +half-doubtful smile gathering on his lips. + +"Jeanette," he said, "I do not believe in chance. But I do believe +in a Higher Control, which makes and unmakes our plans. You shall +go." + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + +THE DOCTOR FINDS A WAY + + +"And now as to ways and means," said the doctor, when Jane felt +better. "You must leave by the night mail from Euston, the day after +to-morrow. Can you be ready?" + +"I am ready," said Jane. + +"You must go as Nurse Rosemary Gray." + +"I don't like that," Jane interposed. "I should prefer a fictitious +name. Suppose the real Rosemary Gray turned up, or some one who +knows her." + +"My, dear girl, she is half-way to Australia by now, and you will +see no one up there but the household and the doctor. Any one who +turned up would be more likely to know you. We must take these +risks. Besides, in case of complications arising, I will give you a +note, which you can produce at once, explaining the situation, and +stating that in agreeing to fill the breach you consented at my +request to take the name in order to prevent any necessity for +explanations to the patient, which at this particular juncture would +be most prejudicial. I can honestly say this, it being even more +true than appears. So you must dress the part, Jane, and endeavour +to look the part, so far as your five foot eleven will permit; for +please remember that I have described you to Dr. Mackenzie as 'a +pretty, dainty little thing, refined and elegant, and considerably +more capable than she looks.'" + +"Dicky! He will instantly realise that I am not the person mentioned +in your letter." + +"Not so, dear. Remember we have to do with a Scotchman, and a +Scotchman never realises anything 'instantly.' The Gaelic mind works +slowly, though it works exceeding sure. He will be exceeding sure, +when he has contemplated you for a while, that I am a 'verra poor +judge o' women,' and that Nurse Gray is a far finer woman than I +described. But he will have already created for Dalmain, from my +letter, a mental picture of his nurse; which is all that really +matters. We must trust to Providence that old Robbie does not +proceed to amend it by the original. Try to forestall any such +conversation. If the good doctor seems to mistrust you, take him on +one side, show him my letter, and tell him the simple truth. But I +do not suppose this will be necessary. With the patient, you must +remember the extreme sensitiveness of a blind man's hearing. Tread +lightly. Do not give him any opportunity to judge of your height. +Try to remember that you are not supposed to be able to reach the +top shelf of an eight-foot bookcase without the aid of steps or a +chair. And when the patient begins to stand and walk, try to keep +him from finding out that his nurse is slightly taller than himself. +This should not be difficult; one of his fixed ideas being that in +his blindness he will not be touched by a woman. His valet will lead +him about. And, Jane, I cannot imagine any one who has ever had your +hand in his, failing to recognise it. So I advise you, from the +first, to avoid shaking hands. But all these precautions do not +obviate the greatest difficulty of all,--your voice. Do you suppose, +for a moment, he will not recognise that?" + +"I shall take the bull by the horns in that case," said Jane, "and +you must help me. Explain the fact to me now, as you might do if I +were really Nurse Rosemary Gray, and had a voice so like my own." + +The doctor smiled. "My dear Nurse Rosemary," he said, "you must not +be surprised if our patient detects a remarkable similarity between +your voice and that of a mutual friend of his and mine. I have +constantly noticed it myself." + +"Indeed, sir," said Jane. "And may I know whose voice mine so +closely resembles?" + +"The Honourable Jane Champion's," said the doctor, with the +delightful smile with which he always spoke to his nurses. "Do you +know her?" + +"Slightly," said Jane, "and I hope to know her better and better as +the years go by." + +Then they both laughed. "Thank you, Dicky. Now I shall know what to +say to the patient.--Ah, but the misery of it! Think of it being +possible thus to deceive Garth,--Garth of the bright, keen all-- +perceiving vision! Shall I ever have the courage to carry it +through?" + +"If you value your own eventual happiness and his you will, dear. +And now I must order the brougham and speed you to Portland Place, +or you will be late--for dinner, a thing the duchess cannot overlook +'as you very well know,' even in a traveller returned from round the +world. And if you take my advice, you will tell your kind, sensible +old aunt the whole story, omitting of course all moonlight details, +and consult her about this plan. Her shrewd counsel will be +invaluable, and you may be glad of her assistance later on." + +They rose and faced each other on the hearth-rug. + +"Boy," said Jane with emotion, "you have been so good to me, and so +faithful. Whatever happens, I shall be grateful always." + +"Hush," said the doctor. "No need for gratitude when long-standing +debts are paid.--To-morrow I shall not have a free moment, and I +foresee the next day as very full also. But we might dine together +at Euston at seven, and I will see you off. Your train leaves at +eight o'clock, getting you to Aberdeen soon after seven the next +morning, and out to Gleneesh in time for breakfast. You will enjoy +arriving in the early morning light; and the air of the moors braces +you wonderfully.--Thank you, Stoddart. Miss Champion is ready. +Hullo, Flower! Look up, Jane. Flower, and Dicky, and Blossom, are +hanging over the topmost banisters, dropping you showers of kisses. +Yes, the river you mentioned does produce a veritable 'garden of the +Lord.' God send you the same, dear. And now, sit well back, and +lower your veil. Ah, I remember, you don't wear them. Wise girl! If +all women followed your example it would impoverish the opticians. +Why? Oh, constant focussing on spots, for one thing. But lean back, +for you must not be seen if you are supposed to be still in Cairo, +waiting to go up the Nile. And, look here"--the doctor put his head +in at the carriage window--"very plain luggage, mind. The sort of +thing nurses speak of as 'my box'; with a very obvious R. G. on it!" + +"Thank you, Boy," whispered Jane. "You think of everything." + +"I think of YOU," said the doctor. And in all the hard days to come, +Jane often found comfort in remembering those last quiet words. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII + +ENTER--NURSE ROSEMARY + + +Nurse Rosemary Gray had arrived at Gleneesh. + +When she and her "box" were deposited on the platform of the little +wayside railway station, she felt she had indeed dropped from the +clouds; leaving her own world, and her own identity, on some far- +distant planet. + +A motor waited outside the station, and she had a momentary fear +lest she should receive deferential recognition from the chauffeur. +But he was as solid and stolid as any other portion of the car, and +paid no more attention to her than he did to her baggage. The one +was a nurse; the other, a box, both common nouns, and merely +articles to be conveyed to Gleneesh according to orders. So he +looked straight before him, presenting a sphinx-like profile beneath +the peak of his leather cap, while a slow and solemn porter helped +Jane and her luggage into the motor. When she had rewarded the +porter with threepence, conscientiously endeavouring to live down to +her box, the chauffeur moved foot and hand with the silent precision +of a machine, they swung round into the open, and took the road for +the hills. + +Up into the fragrant heather and grey rocks; miles of moor and sky +and solitude. More than ever Jane felt as if she had dropped into +another world, and so small an incident as the omission of the usual +respectful salute of a servant, gave her a delightful sense of +success and security in her new role. + +She had often heard of Garth's old castle up in the North, an +inheritance from his mother's family, but was hardly prepared for so +much picturesque beauty or such stateliness of archway and entrance. +As they wound up the hillside and the grey turrets came into view, +with pine woods behind and above, she seemed to hear Garth's boyish +voice under the cedar at Overdene, with its ring of buoyant +enjoyment, saying: "I should like you to see Castle Gleneesh. You +would enjoy the view from the terrace; and the pine woods, and the +moor." And then he had laughingly declared his intention of getting +up a "best party" of his own, with the duchess as chaperon; and she +had promised to make one of it. And now he, the owner of all this +loveliness, was blind and helpless; and she was entering the fair +portals of Gleneesh, unknown to him, unrecognised by any, as a +nurse-secretary sort of person. Jane had said at Overdene: "Yes, ask +us, and see what happens." And now this was happening. What would +happen next? + +Garth's man, Simpson, received her at the door, and again a possible +danger was safely passed. He had entered Garth's service within the +last three years and evidently did not know her by sight. + +Jane stood looking round the old hall, in the leisurely way of one +accustomed to arrive for the first time as guest at the country +homes of her friends; noting the quaint, large fireplace, and the +shadowy antlers high up on the walls. Then she became aware that +Simpson, already half-way up the wide oak staircase, was expecting +the nurse to hurry after him. This she did, and was received at the +top of the staircase by old Margery. It did not require the lawn +kerchief, the black satin apron, and the lavender ribbons, for Jane +to recognise Garth's old Scotch nurse, housekeeper, and friend. One +glance at the grave, kindly face, wrinkled and rosy,--a beautiful +combination of perfect health and advancing years,--was enough. The +shrewd, keen eyes, seeing quickly beneath the surface, were +unmistakable. She conducted Jane to her room, talking all the time +in a kindly effort to set her at her ease, and to express a warm +welcome with gentle dignity, not forgetting the cloud of sadness +which hung over the house and rendered her presence necessary. She +called her "Nurse Gray" at the conclusion of every sentence, with an +upward inflection and pretty rolling of the r's, which charmed Jane. +She longed to say: "You old dear! How I shall enjoy being in the +house with you!" but remembered in time that a remark which would +have been gratifying condescension on the part of the Honourable +Jane Champion, would be little short of impertinent familiarity from +Nurse Rosemary Gray. So she followed meekly into the pretty room +prepared for her; admired the chintz; answered questions about her +night journey; admitted that she would be very glad of breakfast, +but still more of a bath if convenient. + +And now bath and breakfast were both over, and Jane was standing +beside the window in her room, looking down at the wonderful view, +and waiting until the local doctor should arrive and summon her to +Garth's room. + +She had put on the freshest-looking and most business-like of her +uniforms, a blue print gown, linen collar and cuffs, and a white +apron with shoulder straps and large pockets. She also wore the +becoming cap belonging to one of the institutions to which she had +once been for training. She did not intend wearing this later on, +but just this morning she omitted no detail which could impress Dr. +Mackenzie with her extremely professional appearance. She was +painfully conscious that the severe simplicity of her dress tended +rather to add to her height, notwithstanding her low-heeled ward +shoes with their noiseless rubber soles. She could but hope Deryck +would prove right as to the view Dr. Mackenzie would take. + +And then far away in the distance, along the white ribbon of road, +winding up from the valley, she saw a high gig, trotting swiftly; +one man in it, and a small groom seated behind. Her hour had come. + +Jane fell upon her knees, at the window, and prayed for strength, +wisdom, and courage. She could realise absolutely nothing. She had +thought so much and so continuously, that all mental vision was out +of focus and had become a blur. Even his dear face had faded and was +hidden from her when she frantically strove to recall it to her +mental view. Only the actual fact remained clear, that in a few +short minutes she would be taken to the room where he lay. She would +see the face she had not seen since they stood together at the +chancel step--the face from which the glad confidence slowly faded, +a horror of chill disillusion taking its place. + + "Anoint and cheer our soiled face + With the abundance of Thy grace." + +She would see that dear face, and he, sightless, would not see hers, +but would be easily deluded into believing her to be some one else. + +The gig had turned the last bend of the road, and passed out of +sight on its way to the front of the house. + +Jane rose and stood waiting. Suddenly she remembered two sentences +of her conversation with Deryck. She had said: "Shall I ever have +the courage to carry it through?" And Deryck had answered, +earnestly: "If you value your own eventual happiness and his, you +will." + +A tap came at her door. Jane walked across the room, and opened it. + +Simpson stood on the threshold. + +"Dr. Mackenzie is in the library, nurse," he said, "and wishes to +see you there." + +"Then, will you kindly take me to the library, Mr. Simpson," said +Nurse Rosemary Gray. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + +THE NAPOLEON OF THE MOORS + + +On the bear-skin rug, with his back to the fire, stood Dr. Robert +Mackenzie, known to his friends as "Dr. Rob" or "Old Robbie," +according to their degrees of intimacy. + +Jane's first impression was of a short, stout man, in a sealskin +waistcoat which had seen better days, a light box-cloth overcoat +three sizes too large for him, a Napoleonic attitude,--little +spindle legs planted far apart, arms folded on chest, shoulders +hunched up,--which led one to expect, as the eye travelled upwards, +an ivory-white complexion, a Roman nose, masterful jaw, and thin +lips folded in a line of conscious power. Instead of which one found +a red, freckled face, a nose which turned cheerfully skyward, a fat +pink chin, and drooping sandy moustache. The only striking feature +of the face was a pair of keen blue eyes, which, when turned upon +any one intently, almost disappeared beneath bushy red eyebrows and +became little points of turquoise light. + +Jane had not been in his presence two minutes before she perceived +that, when his mind was working, he was entirely unconscious of his +body, which was apt to do most peculiar things automatically; so +that his friends had passed round the remark: "Robbie chews up +dozens of good pen-holders, while Dr. Mackenzie is thinking out +excellent prescriptions." + +When Jane entered, his eyes were fixed upon an open letter, which +she instinctively knew to be Deryck's, and he did not look up at +once. When he did look up, she saw his unmistakable start of +surprise. He opened his mouth to speak, and Jane was irresistibly +reminded of a tame goldfish at Overdene, which used to rise to the +surface when the duchess dropped crumbs. He closed it without +uttering a word, and turned again to Deryck's letter; and Jane felt +herself to be the crumb, or rather the camel, which he was finding +it difficult to swallow. + +She waited in respectful silence, and Deryck's words passed with +calming effect through the palpitating suspense of her brain. "The +Gaelic mind works slowly, though it works exceeding sure. He will be +exceeding sure that I am a verra poor judge o' women." + +At last the little man on the hearth-rug lifted his eyes again to +Jane's; and, alas, how high he had to lift them! + +"Nurse--er?" he said inquiringly, and Jane thought his searching +eyes looked like little bits of broken blue china in a hay-stack. + +"Rosemary Gray," replied Jane meekly, with a curtsey in her voice; +feeling as if they were rehearsing amateur theatricals at Overdene, +and the next minute the duchess's cane would rap the floor and they +would be told to speak up and not be so slow. + +"Ah," said Dr. Robert Mackenzie, "I see." + +He stared hard at the carpet in a distant corner of the room, then +walked across and picked up a spline broken from a bass broom; +brought it back to the hearth-rug; examined it with minute +attention; then put one end between his teeth and began to chew it. + +Jane wondered what was the correct thing to do at this sort of +interview, when a doctor neither sat down himself nor suggested that +the nurse should do so. She wished she had asked Deryck. But he +could not possibly have enlightened her, because the first thing he +always said to a nurse was: "My dear Nurse SO-AND-SO, pray sit down. +People who have much unavoidable standing to do should cultivate the +habit of seating themselves comfortably at every possible +opportunity." + +But the stout little person on the hearth-rug was not Deryck. So +Jane stood at attention, and watched the stiff bit of bass wag up +and down, and shorten, inch by inch. When it had finally +disappeared, Dr. Robert Mackenzie spoke again. + +"So you have arrived, Nurse Gray," he said. + +"Truly the mind of a Scotchman works slowly," thought Jane, but she +was thankful to detect the complete acceptance of herself in his +tone. Deryck was right; and oh the relief of not having to take this +unspeakable little man into her confidence in this matter of the +deception to be practised on Garth. + +"Yes, sir, I have arrived," she said. + +Another period of silence. A fragment of the bass broom reappeared +and vanished once more, before Dr. Mackenzie spoke again. + +"I am glad you have arrived, Nurse Gray," he said. + +"I am glad TO have arrived, sir," said Jane gravely, almost +expecting to hear the duchess's delighted "Ha, ha!" from the wings. +The little comedy was progressing. + +Then suddenly she became aware that during the last few minutes Dr. +Mackenzie's mind had been concentrated upon something else. She had +not filled it at all. The next moment it was turned upon her and two +swift turquoise gleams from under the shaggy brows swept over her, +with the rapidity and brightness of search-lights. Dr. Mackenzie +commenced speaking quickly, with a wonderful rolling of r's. + +"I understand, Miss Gray, you have come to minister to the patient's +mind rather than to his body. You need not trouble to explain. I +have it from Sir Deryck Brand, who prescribed a nurse-companion for +the patient, and engaged you. I fully agreed with his prescription; +and, allow me to say, I admire its ingredients." + +Jane bowed, and realised how the duchess would be chuckling. What an +insufferable little person! Jane had time to think this, while he +walked across to the table-cloth, bent over it, and examined an +ancient spot of ink. Finding a drop of candle grease near it, he +removed it with his thumb nail; brought it carefully to the fire, +and laid it on the coals. He watched it melt, fizzle, and flare, +with an intense concentration of interest; then jumped round on +Jane, and caught her look of fury. + +"And I think there remains very little for me to say to you about +the treatment, Miss Gray," he finished calmly. "You will have +received minute instructions from Sir Deryck himself. The great +thing now is to help the patient to take an interest in the outer +world. The temptation to persons who suddenly become totally blind, +is to form a habit of living entirely in a world within; a world of +recollection, retrospection, and imagination; the only world, in +fact, in which they can see." + +Jane made a quick movement of appreciation and interest. After all +she might learn something useful from this eccentric little +Scotchman. Oh to keep his attention off rubbish on the carpet, and +grease spots on the table-cloth! + +"Yes?" she said. "Do tell me more." + +"This," continued Dr. Mackenzie, "is our present difficulty with Mr. +Dalmain. There seems to be no possibility of arousing his interest +in the outside world. He refuses to receive visitors; he declines to +hear his letters. Hours pass without a word being spoken by him. +Unless you hear him speak to me or to his valet, you will easily +suppose yourself to have a patient who has lost the power of speech +as well as the gift of sight. Should he express a wish to speak to +me alone when we are with him, do not leave the room. Walk over to +the fireplace and remain there. I desire that you should hear, that +when he chooses to rouse and make an effort, he is perfectly well +able to do so. The most important part of your duties, Nurse Gray, +will be the aiding him day by day to resume life,--the life of a +blind man, it is true; but not therefore necessarily an inactive +life. Now that all danger of inflammation from the wounds has +subsided, he may get up, move about, learn to find his way by sound +and touch. He was an artist by profession. He will never paint +again. But there are other gifts which may form reasonable outlets +to an artistic nature." + +He paused suddenly, having apparently caught sight of another grease +spot, and walked over to the table; but the next instant jumped +round on Jane, quick as lightning, with a question. + +"Does he play?" said Dr. Rob. + +But Jane was on her guard, even against accidental surprises. + +"Sir Deryck did not happen to mention to me, Dr. Mackenzie, whether +Mr. Dalmain is musical or not." + +"Ah, well," said the little doctor, resuming his Napoleonic attitude +in the centre of the hearth-rug; "you must make it your business to +find out. And, by the way, Nurse, do you play yourself?" + +"A little," said Jane. + +"Ah," said Dr. Rob. "And I dare say you sing a little, too?" + +Jane acquiesced. + +"In that case, my dear lady, I leave most explicit orders that you +neither sing a little nor play a little to Mr. Dalmain. We, who have +our sight, can just endure while people who 'play a little' show us +how little they can play; because we are able to look round about us +and think of other things. But to a blind man, with an artist's +sensitive soul, the experience might culminate in madness. We must +not risk it. I regret to appear uncomplimentary, but a patient's +welfare must take precedence of all other considerations." + +Jane smiled. She was beginning to like Dr. Rob. + +"I will be most careful," she said, "neither to play nor to sing to +Mr. Dalmain." + +"Good," said Dr. Mackenzie. "But now let me tell you what you most +certainly may do, by-and-by. Lead him to the piano. Place him there +upon a seat where he will feel secure; none of your twirly, rickety +stools. Make a little notch on the key-board by which he can easily +find middle C. Then let him relieve his pent-up soul by the painting +of sound-pictures. You will find this will soon keep him happy for +hours. And, if he is already something of a musician,--as that huge +grand piano, with no knick-knacks on it indicates,--he may begin +that sort of thing at once, before he is ready to be worried with +the Braille system, or any other method of instructing the blind. +But contrive an easy way--a little notch in the wood-work below the +note--by means of which, without hesitation or irritation, he can +locate himself instantly at middle C. Never mind the other notes. It +is all the SEEING he will require when once he is at the piano. Ha, +ha! Not bad for a Scotchman, eh, Nurse Gray?" + +But Jane could not laugh; though somewhere in her mental background +she seemed to hear laughter and applause from the duchess. This was +no comedy to Jane,--her blind Garth at the piano, his dear beautiful +head bent over the keys, his fingers feeling for that pathetic +little notch, to be made by herself, below middle C. She loathed +this individual who could make a pun on the subject of Garth's +blindness, and, in the back of her mind, Tommy seemed to join the +duchess, flapping up and down on his perch and shrieking: "Kick him +out! Stop his jaw!" + +"And now," said Dr. Mackenzie unexpectedly, "the next thing to be +done, Nurse Gray, is to introduce you to the patient." + +Jane felt the blood slowly leave her face and concentrate in a +terrible pounding at her heart. But she stood her ground, and waited +silently. + +Dr. Mackenzie rang the bell. Simpson appeared. + +"A decanter of sherry, a wine-glass, and a couple of biscuits," said +Dr. Rob. + +Simpson vanished. + +"Little beast!" thought Jane. "At eleven o'clock in the morning!". + +Dr. Rob stood, and waited; tugging spitefully at his red moustache, +and looking intently out of the window. + +Simpson reappeared, placed a small tray on the table, and went +quietly out, closing the door behind him. + +Dr. Rob poured out a glass of sherry, drew up a chair to the table, +and said: "Now, Nurse, sit down and drink that, and take a biscuit +with it." + +Jane protested. "But, indeed, doctor, I never--" + +"I have no doubt you 'never,'" said Dr. Rob, "especially at eleven +o'clock in the morning. But you will to-day; so do not waste any +time in discussion. You have had a long night journey; you are going +upstairs to a very sad sight indeed, a strain on the nerves and +sensibilities. You have come through a trying interview with me, and +you are praising Heaven it is over. But you will praise Heaven with +more fervency when you have drunk the sherry. Also you have been +standing during twenty-three minutes and a half. I always stand to +speak myself, and I prefer folk should stand to listen. I can never +talk to people while they loll around. But you will walk upstairs +all the more steadily, Nurse Rosemary Gray, if you sit down now for +five minutes at this table." + +Jane obeyed, touched and humbled. So, after all, it was a kind, +comprehending heart under that old sealskin waistcoat; and a shrewd +understanding of men and matters, in spite of the erratic, somewhat +objectionable exterior. While she drank the wine and finished the +biscuits, he found busy occupation on the other side of the room, +polishing the window with his silk pocket-handkerchief; making a +queer humming noise all the time, like a bee buzzing up the pane. He +seemed to have forgotten her presence; but, just as she put down the +empty glass, he turned and, walking straight across the room, laid +his hand upon her shoulder. + +"Now, Nurse," he said, "follow me upstairs, and, just at first, +speak as little as possible. Remember, every fresh voice intruding +into the still depths of that utter blackness, causes an agony of +bewilderment and disquietude to the patient. Speak little and speak +low, and may God Almighty give you tact and wisdom." + +There was a dignity of conscious knowledge and power in the small +quaint figure which preceded Jane up the staircase. As she followed, +she became aware that her spirit leaned on his and felt sustained +and strengthened. The unexpected conclusion of his sentence, old- +fashioned in its wording, yet almost a prayer, gave her fresh +courage. "May God Almighty give you tact and wisdom," he had said, +little guessing how greatly she needed them. And now another voice, +echoing through memory's arches to organ-music, took up the strain: +"Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come." And with firm though +noiseless step, Jane followed Dr. Mackenzie into the roam where +Garth was lying, helpless, sightless, and disfigured. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX + +THE VOICE IN THE DARKNESS + + +Just the dark head upon the pillow. That was all Jane saw at first, +and she saw it in sunshine. Somehow she had always pictured a +darkened room, forgetting that to him darkness and light were both +alike, and that there was no need to keep out the sunlight, with its +healing, purifying, invigorating powers. + +He had requested to have his bed moved into a corner--the corner +farthest from door, fireplace, and windows--with its left side +against the wall, so that he could feel the blank wall with his hand +and, turning close to it, know himself shut away from all possible +prying of unseen eyes. This was how he now lay, and he did not turn +as they entered. + +Just the dear dark head upon the pillow. It was all Jane saw at +first. Then his right arm in the sleeve of a blue silk sleeping- +suit, stretched slightly behind him as he lay on his left side, the +thin white hand limp and helpless on the coverlet. + +Jane put her hands behind her. The impulse was so strong to fall on +her knees beside the bed, take that poor hand in both her strong +ones, and cover it with kisses. Ah surely, surely then, the dark +head would turn to her, and instead of seeking refuge in the hard, +blank wall, he would hide that sightless face in the boundless +tenderness of her arms. But Deryck's warning voice sounded, grave +and persistent: "If you value your own eventual happiness and his--" +So Jane put her hands behind her back. + +Dr. Mackenzie advanced to the side of the bed and laid his hand upon +Garth's shoulder. Then, with an incredible softening of his rather +strident voice, he spoke so slowly and quietly, that Jane could +hardly believe this to be the man who had jerked out questions, +comments, and orders to her, during the last half-hour. + +"Good morning, Mr. Dalmain. Simpson tells me it has been an +excellent night, the best you have yet had. Now that is good. No +doubt you were relieved to be rid of Johnson, capable though he was, +and to be back in the hands of your own man again. These trained +attendants are never content with doing enough; they always want to +do just a little more, and that little more is a weariness to the +patient.--Now I have brought you to-day one who is prepared to do +all you need, and yet who, I feel sure, will never annoy you by +attempting more than you desire. Sir Deryck Brand's prescription, +Nurse Rosemary Gray, is here; and I believe she is prepared to be +companion, secretary, reader, anything you want, in fact a new pair +of eyes for you, Mr. Dalmain, with a clever brain behind them, and a +kind, sympathetic, womanly heart directing and controlling that +brain. Nurse Gray arrived this morning, Mr. Dalmain." + +No response from the bed. But Garth's hand groped for the wall; +touched it, then dropped listlessly back. + +Jane could not realise that SHE was "Nurse Gray." She only longed +that her poor boy need not be bothered with the woman! It all +seemed, at this moment, a thing apart from herself and him. + +Dr. Mackenzie spoke again. "Nurse Rosemary Gray is in the room, Mr. +Dalmain." + +Then Garth's instinctive chivalry struggled up through the +blackness. He did not turn his head, but his right hand made a +little courteous sign of greeting, and he said in a low, distinct +voice: "How do you do? I am sure it is most kind of you to come so +far. I hope you had an easy journey." + +Jane's lips moved, but no sound would pass them. + +Dr. Rob made answer quickly, without looking at her: "Miss Gray had +a very good journey, and looks as fresh this morning as if she had +spent the night in bed. I can see she is a cold-water young lady." + +"I hope my housekeeper will make her comfortable. Please give +orders," said the tired voice; and Garth turned even closer to the +wall, as if to end the conversation. + +Dr. Rob attacked his moustache, and stood looking down at the blue +silk shoulder for a minute, silently. + +Then he turned and spoke to Jane. "Come over to the window, Nurse +Gray. I want to show you a special chair we have obtained for Mr. +Dalmain, in which he will be most comfortable as soon as he feels +inclined to sit up. You see? Here is an adjustable support for the +head, if necessary; and these various trays and stands and movable +tables can be swung round into any position by a touch. I consider +it excellent, and Sir Deryck approved it. Have you seen one of this +kind before, Nurse Gray?" + +"We had one at the hospital, but not quite so complete as this," +said Jane. + +In the stillness of that sunlit chamber, the voice from the bed +broke upon them with startling suddenness; and in it was the cry of +one lost in an abyss of darkness, but appealing to them with a +frantic demand for instant enlightenment. + +"WHO is in the room?" cried Garth Dalmain. + +His face was still turned to the wall; but he had raised himself on +his left elbow, in an attitude which betokened intent listening. + +Dr. Mackenzie answered. "No one is in the room, Mr. Dalmain, but +myself and Nurse Gray." + +"There IS some one else in the room!" said Garth violently. "How +dare you lie to me! Who was speaking?" + +Then Jane came quickly to the side of the bed. Her hands were +trembling, but her voice was perfectly under control. + +"It was I who spoke, sir," she said; "Nurse Rosemary Gray. And I +feel sure I know why my voice startled you. Dr. Brand warned me it +might do so. He said I must not be surprised if you detected a +remarkable similarity between my voice and that of a mutual friend +of yours and his. He said he had often noticed it." + +Garth, in his blindness, remained quite still; listening and +considering. At length he asked slowly: "Did he say whose voice?" + +"Yes, for I asked him. He said it was Miss Champion's." + +Garth's head dropped back upon the pillow. Then without turning he +said in a tone which Jane knew meant a smile on that dear hidden +face: "You must forgive me, Miss Gray, for being so startled and so +stupidly, unpardonably agitated. But, you know, being blind is still +such a new experience, and every fresh voice which breaks through +the black curtain of perpetual night, means so infinitely more than +the speaker realises. The resemblance in your voice to that of the +lady Sir Deryck mentioned is so remarkable that, although I know her +to be at this moment in Egypt, I could scarcely believe she was not +in the room. And yet the most unlikely thing in the world would be +that she should have been in this room. So I owe you and Dr. +Mackenzie most humble apologies for my agitation and unbelief." + +He stretched out his right hand, palm upwards, towards Jane. + +Jane clasped her shaking hands behind her. + +"Now, Nurse, if you please," broke in Dr. Mackenzie's rasping voice +from the window, "I have a few more details to explain to you over +here." + +They talked together for a while without interruption, until Dr. Rob +remarked: "I suppose I will have to be going." + +Then Garth said: "I wish to speak to you alone, doctor, for a few +minutes." + +"I will wait for you downstairs, Dr. Mackenzie," said Jane, and was +moving towards the door, when an imperious gesture from Dr. Rob +stopped her, and she turned silently to the fireplace. She could not +see any need now for this subterfuge, and it annoyed her. But the +freckled little Napoleon of the moors was not a man to be lightly +disobeyed. He walked to the door, opened and closed it; then +returned to the bedside, drew up a chair, and sat down. + +"Now, Mr. Dalmain," he said. + +Garth sat up and turned towards him eagerly. + +Then, for the first time, Jane saw his face. + +"Doctor," he said, "tell me about this nurse. Describe her to me." + +The tension in tone and attitude was extreme. His hands were clasped +in front of him, as if imploring sight through the eyes of another. +His thin white face, worn with suffering, looked so eager and yet so +blank. + +"Describe her to me, doctor," he said; "this Nurse Rosemary Gray, as +you call her." + +"But it is not a pet name of mine, my dear sir," said Dr. Rob +deliberately. "It is the young lady's own name, and a pretty one, +too. 'Rosemary for remembrance.' Is not that Shakespeare?" + +"Describe her to me," insisted Garth, for the third time. + +Dr. Mackenzie glanced at Jane. But she had turned her back, to hide +the tears which were streaming down her cheeks. Oh, Garth! Oh, +beautiful Garth of the shining eyes! + +Dr. Rob drew Deryck's letter from his pocket and studied it. + +"Well," he said slowly, "she is a pretty, dainty little thing; just +the sort of elegant young woman you would like to have about you, +could you see her." + +"Dark or fair?" asked Garth. + +The doctor glanced at what he could see of Jane's cheek, and at the +brown hands holding on to the mantelpiece. + +"Fair," said Dr. Rob, without a moment's hesitation. + +Jane started and glanced round. Why should this little man be lying +on his own account? + +"Hair?" queried the strained voice from the bed. + +"Well," said Dr. Rob deliberately, "it is mostly tucked away under a +modest little cap; but, were it not for that wise restraint, I +should say it might be that kind of fluffy, fly-away floss-silk, +which puts the finishing touch to a dainty, pretty woman." + +Garth lay back, panting, and pressed his hands over his sightless +face. + +"Doctor," he said, "I know I have given you heaps of trouble, and +to-day you must think me a fool. But if you do not wish me to go mad +in my blindness, send that girl away. Do not let her enter my room +again." + +"Now, Mr. Dalmain," said Dr. Mackenzie patiently; "let us consider +this thing. We may take it you have nothing against this young lady +excepting a chance resemblance in her voice to that of a friend of +yours now far away. Was not this other lady a pleasant person?" + +Garth laughed suddenly, bitterly; a laugh like a hard, sob. "Oh, +yes," he said, "she was quite a pleasant person." + +"'Rosemary for remembrance,'" quoted Dr. Rob. "Then why should not +Nurse Rosemary call up a pleasant remembrance? Also it seems to me +to be a kind, sweet, womanly voice, which is something to be +thankful for nowadays, when so many women talk, fit to scare the +crows; cackle, cackle, cackle--like stones rattling in a tin +canister." + +"But can't you understand, doctor," said Garth wearily, "that it is +just the remembrance and the resemblance which, in my blindness, I +cannot bear? I have nothing against her voice, Heaven knows! But I +tell you, when I heard it first I thought it was--it was she--the +other--come to me--here--and--" Garth's voice ceased suddenly. + +"The pleasant lady?" suggested Dr. Rob. "I see. Well now, Mr. +Dalmain, Sir Deryck said the best thing that could happen would be +if you came to wish for visitors. It appears you have many friends +ready and anxious to come any distance in order to bring you help or +cheer. Why not let me send for this pleasant lady? I make no doubt +she would come. Then when she herself had sat beside you, and talked +with you, the nurse's voice would trouble you no longer." + +Garth sat up again, his face wild with protest. Jane turned on the +hearth-rug, and stood watching it. + +"No, doctor," he said. "Oh, my God, no! In the whole world, she is +the last person I would have enter this room!" + +Dr. Mackenzie bent forward to examine minutely a microscopic darn in +the sheet. "And why?" he asked very low. + +"Because," said Garth, "that pleasant lady, as you rightly call her, +has a noble, generous heart, and it might overflow with pity for my +blindness; and pity from her I could not accept. It would be the +last straw upon my heavy cross. I can bear the cross, doctor; I hope +in time to carry it manfully, until God bids me lay it down. But +that last straw--HER pity--would break me. I should fall in the +dark, to rise no more." + +"I see," said Dr. Rob gently. "Poor laddie! The pleasant lady must +not come." + +He waited silently a few minutes, then pushed back his chair and +stood up. + +"Meanwhile," he said, "I must rely on you, Mr. Dalmain, to be +agreeable to Nurse Rosemary Gray, and not to make her task too +difficult. I dare not send her back. She is Dr. Brand's choice. +Besides--think of the cruel blow to her in her profession. Think of +it, man!--sent off at a moment's notice, after spending five minutes +in her patient's room, because, forsooth, her voice maddened him! +Poor child! What a statement to enter on her report! See her appear +before the matron with it! Can't you be generous and unselfish +enough to face whatever trial there may be for you in this bit of a +coincidence?" + +Garth hesitated. "Dr. Mackenzie," he said at last, "will you swear +to me that your description of this young lady was accurate in every +detail?" + +"'Swear not at all,'" quoted Dr. Rob unctuously. "I had a pious +mother, laddie. Besides I can do better than that. I will let you +into a secret. I was reading from Sir Deryck's letter. I am no +authority on women myself, having always considered dogs and horses +less ensnaring and more companionable creatures. So I would not +trust my own eyes, but preferred to give you Sir Deryck's +description. You will allow him to be a fine judge of women. You +have seen Lady Brand?" + +"Seen her? Yes," said Garth eagerly, a slight flush tinting his thin +cheeks, "and more than that, I've painted her. Ah, such a picture!-- +standing at a table, the sunlight in her hair, arranging golden +daffodils in an old Venetian vase. Did you see it, doctor, in the +New Gallery, two years ago?" + +"No," said Dr. Rob. "I am not finding myself in galleries, new or +old. But"--he turned a swift look of inquiry on Jane, who nodded-- +"Nurse Gray was telling me she had seen it." + +"Really?" said Garth, interested. "Somehow one does not connect +nurses with picture galleries." + +"I don't know why not," said Dr. Rob. "They must go somewhere for +their outings. They can't be everlastingly nosing shop windows in +all weathers; so why not go in and have a look at your pictures? +Besides, Miss Rosemary is a young lady of parts. Sir Deryck assures +me she is a gentlewoman by birth, well-read and intelligent.--Now, +laddie, what is it to be?" + +Garth considered silently. + +Jane turned away and gripped the mantelpiece. So much hung in the +balance during that quiet minute. + +At length Garth spoke, slowly, hesitatingly. "If only I could quite +disassociate the voice from the--from that other personality. If I +could be quite sure that, though her voice is so extraordinarily +like, she herself is not--" he paused, and Jane's heart stood still. +Was a description of herself coming?--"is not at all like the face +and figure which stand clear in my remembrance as associated with +that voice." + +"Well," said Dr. Rob, "I'm thinking we can manage that for you. +These nurses know their patients must be humoured. We will call the +young lady back, and she shall kneel down beside your bed--Bless +you! She won't mind, with me to play old Gooseberry!--and you shall +pass your hands over her face and hair, and round her little waist, +and assure yourself, by touch, what an elegant, dainty little person +it is, in a blue frock and white apron." + +Garth burst out laughing, and his voice had a tone it had not yet +held. "Of all the preposterous suggestions!" he said. "Good heavens! +What an ass I must have been making of myself! And I begin to think +I have exaggerated the resemblance. In a day or two, I shall cease +to notice it. And, look here, doctor, if she really was interested +in that portrait--Here, I say--where are you going?" + +"All right, sir," said Dr. Rob. "I was merely moving a chair over to +the fireside, and taking the liberty of pouring out a glass of +water. Really you are becoming abnormally quick of hearing. Now I am +all attention. What about the portrait?" + +"I was only going to say, if she the nurse, you know--is really +interested in my portrait of Lady Brand, there are studies of it up +in the studio, which she might care to see. If she brought them here +and described them to me I could explain--But, I say, doctor. I +can't have dainty young ladies in and out of my room while I'm in +bed. Why shouldn't I get up and try that chair of yours? Send +Simpson along; and tell him to look out my brown lounge-suit and +orange tie. Good heavens! what a blessing to have the MEMORY of +colours and of how they blend! Think of the fellows who are BORN +blind. And please ask Miss Gray to go out in the pine wood, or on +the moor, or use the motor, or rest, or do anything she likes. Tell +her to make herself quite at home; but on no account to come up here +until Simpson reports me ready." + +"You may rely on Nurse Gray to be most discreet," said Dr. Rob; +whose voice had suddenly become very husky. "And as for getting up, +laddie, don't go too fast. You will not find your strength equal to +much. But I am bound to tell you there is nothing to keep you in bed +if you feel like rising." + +"Good-bye, doctor," said Garth, groping for his hand; "and I am +sorry I shall never be able to offer to paint Mrs. Mackenzie!" + +"You'd have to paint her with a shaggy head, four paws, and the +softest amber eyes in the world," said Dr. Rob tenderly; "and, +looking out from those eyes, the most faithful, loving dog-heart in +creation. In all the years we've kept house together she has never +failed to meet me with a welcome, never contradicted me or wanted +the last word, and never worried me for so much as the price of a +bonnet. There's a woman for you!--Well, good-bye, lad, and God +Almighty bless you. And be careful how you go. Do not be surprised +if I look in again on my way back from my rounds to see how you like +that chair." + +Dr. Mackenzie held open the door. Jane passed noiselessly out before +him. He followed, signing to her to precede him down the stairs. + +In the library, Jane turned and faced him. He put her quietly into a +chair and stood before her. The bright blue eyes were moist, beneath +the shaggy brows. + +"My dear," he said, "I feel myself somewhat of a blundering old +fool. You must forgive me. I never contemplated putting you through +such an ordeal. I perfectly understand that, while he hesitated, you +must have felt your whole career at stake. I see you have been +weeping; but you must not take it too much to heart that our patient +made so much of your voice resembling this Miss Champion's. He will +forget all about it in a day or two, and you will be worth more to +him than a dozen Miss Champions. See what good you have done him +already. Here he is wanting to get up and explain his pictures to +you. Never you fear. You will soon win your way, and I shall be able +to report to Sir Deryck what a fine success you have made of the +case. Now I must see the valet and give him very full instructions. +And I recommend you to go for a blow on the moor and get an appetite +for lunch. Only put on something warmer than that. You will have no +sick-room work to do; and having duly impressed me with your +washableness and serviceableness, you may as well wear something +comfortable to protect you from our Highland nip. Have you warmer +clothing with you?" + +"It is the rule of our guild to wear uniform," said Jane; "but I +have a grey merino." + +"Ah, I see. Well, wear the grey merino. I shall return in two hours +to observe how he stands that move. Now, don't let me keep you." + +"Dr. Mackenzie," said Jane quietly, "may I ask why you described me +as fair; and my very straight, heavy, plainly coiled hair, as +fluffy, fly-away floss-silk?" + +Dr. Rob had already reached the bell, but at her question he stayed +his hand and, turning, met Jane's steadfast eyes with the shrewd +turquoise gleam of his own. + +"Why certainly you may ask, Nurse Rosemary Gray," he said, "though I +wonder you think it necessary to do so. It was of course perfectly +evident to me that, for reasons of his own, Sir Deryck wished to +paint an imaginary portrait of you to the patient, most likely +representing some known ideal of his. As the description was so +different from the reality, I concluded that, to make the portrait +complete, the two touches unfortunately left to me to supply, had +better be as unlike what I saw before me as the rest of the picture. +And now, if you will be good enough--" Dr. Rob rang the bell +violently. + +"And why did you take the risk of suggesting that he should feel +me?" persisted Jane. + +"Because I knew he was a gentleman," shouted Dr. Rob angrily. "Oh, +come in, Simpson--come in, my good fellow--and shut that door! And +God Almighty be praised that He made you and me MEN, and not women!" + +A quarter of an hour later, Jane watched him drive away, thinking to +herself: "Deryck was right. But what a queer mixture of shrewdness +and obtuseness, and how marvellously it worked out to the +furtherance of our plans." + +But as she watched the dog-cart start off at a smart trot across the +moor, she would have been more than a little surprised could she +have overheard Dr. Rob's muttered remarks to himself, as he gathered +up the reins and cheered on his sturdy cob. He had a habit of +talking over his experiences, half aloud, as he drove from case to +case; the two sides of his rather complex nature apparently +comparing notes with each other. And the present conversation opened +thus: + +"Now what has brought the Honourable Jane up here?" said Dr. Rob. + +"Dashed if I know," said Dr. Mackenzie. + +"You must not swear, laddie," said Dr. Rob; "you had a pious +mother." + + + + +CHAPTER XX + +JANE REPORTS PROGRESS + + +Letter from the Honourable Jane Champion to Sir Deryck Brand. + +Castle Gleneesh, N. B. + +My dear Deryck: My wires and post-cards have not told you much +beyond the fact of my safe arrival. Having been here a fortnight, I +think it is time I sent you a report. Only you must remember that I +am a poor scribe. From infancy it has always been difficult to me to +write anything beyond that stock commencement: "I hope you are quite +well;" and I approach the task of a descriptive letter with an +effort which is colossal. And yet I wish I might, for once, borrow +the pen of a ready writer; because I cannot help knowing that I have +been passing through experiences such as do not often fall to the +lot of a woman. + +Nurse Rosemary Gray is getting on capitally. She is making herself +indispensable to the patient, and he turns to her with a +completeness of confidence which causes her heart to swell with +professional pride. + +Poor Jane has got no further than hearing, from his own lips, that +she is the very last person in the whole world he would wish should +come near him in his blindness. When she was suggested as a possible +visitor, he said: "Oh, my God, NO!" and his face was one wild, +horrified protest. So Jane is getting her horsewhipping, Boy, and-- +according to the method of a careful and thoughtful judge, who +orders thirty lashes of the "cat," in three applications of ten--so +is Jane's punishment laid on at intervals; not more than she can +bear at a time; but enough to keep her heart continually sore, and +her spirit in perpetual dread. And you, dear, clever doctor, are +proved perfectly right in your diagnosis of the sentiment of the +case. He says her pity would be the last straw on his already heavy +cross; and the expression is an apt one, her pity for him being +indeed a thing of straw. The only pity she feels is pity for +herself, thus hopelessly caught in the meshes of her own mistake. +But how to make him realise this, is the puzzle. + +Do you remember how the Israelites were shut in, between Migdol and +the sea? I knew Migdol meant "towers," but I never understood the +passage, until I stood upon that narrow wedge of desert, with the +Red Sea in front and on the left; the rocky range of Gebel Attaka on +the right, towering up against the sky, like the weird shapes of an +impregnable fortress; the sole outlet or inlet behind, being the +route they had just travelled from Egypt, and along which the +chariots and horsemen of Pharaoh were then thundering in hot +pursuit. Even so, Boy, is poor Jane now tramping her patch of +desert, which narrows daily to the measure of her despair. Migdol is +HIS certainty that HER love could only be pity. The Red Sea is the +confession into which she must inevitably plunge, to avoid scaling +Migdol; in the chill waters of which, as she drags him in with her, +his love is bound to drown, as waves of doubt and mistrust sweep +over its head,--doubts which he has lost the power of removing; +mistrust which he can never hope to prove to have been false and +mistaken. And behind come galloping the hosts of Pharaoh; chance, +speeding on the wheels of circumstance. At any moment some accident +may compel a revelation; and instantly HE will be scaling rocky +Migdol, with torn hands and bleeding feet; and she--poor Jane-- +floundering in the depths of the Red Sea. O for a Moses, with divine +commission, to stretch out the rod of understanding love, making a +safe way through; so that together they might reach the Promised +Land! Dear wise old Boy, dare you undertake the role of Moses! + +But here am I writing like a page of Baedeker, and failing to report +on actual facts. + +As you may suppose, Jane grows haggard and thin in spite of old +Margery's porridge--which is "put on" every day after lunch, for the +next morning's breakfast, and anybody passing "gives it a stir." Did +you know that was the right way to make porridge, Deryck? I always +thought it was made in five minutes, as wanted. Margery says that +must be the English stuff which profanely goes by the name. (N.B. +Please mark the self-control with which I repeat Scotch remarks, +without rushing into weird spelling; a senseless performance, it +seems to me. For if you know already how old Margery pronounces +"porridge," you can read her pronunciation into the sentence; and if +you do not know it, no grotesque spelling on my part could convey to +your mind any but a caricatured version of the pretty Scotch accent +with which Margery says: "Stir the porridge, Nurse Gray." In fact, I +am agreeably surprised at the ease with which I understand the +natives, and the pleasure I derive from their conversation; for, +after wrestling with one or two modern novels dealing with the +Highlands, I had expected to find the language an unknown tongue. +Instead of which, lo! and behold, old Margery, Maggie the housemaid, +Macdonald the gardener, and Macalister the game-keeper, all speak a +rather purer English than I do; far more carefully pronounced, and +with every R sounded and rolled. Their idioms are more +characteristic than their accent. They say "whenever" for "when," +and use in their verbs several quaint variations of tense.) + +But what a syntactical digression! Oh, Boy, the wound at my heart is +so deep and so sore that I dread the dressings, even by your +delicate touch. Where was I? Ah, the porridge gave me my loophole of +escape. Well, as I was saying, Jane grows worn and thin, old +Margery's porridge notwithstanding; but Nurse Rosemary Gray is +flourishing, and remains a pretty, dainty little thing, with the +additional charm of fluffy, fly-away floss-silk, for hair,--Dr. +Rob's own unaided contribution to the fascinating picture. By the +way, I was quite unprepared to find him such a character. I learn +much from Dr. Mackenzie, and I love Dr. Rob, excepting on those +occasions when I long to pick him up by the scruff of his fawn +overcoat and drop him out of the window. + +On the point of Nurse Rosemary's personal appearance, I found it +best to be perfectly frank with the household. You can have no +conception how often awkward moments arose; as, for instance, in the +library, the first time Garth came downstairs; when he ordered +Simpson to bring the steps for Miss Gray, and Simpson opened his +lips to remark that Nurse Gray could reach to the top shelf on her +own tiptoes with the greatest ease, he having just seen her do it. +Mercifully, the perfect training of an English man-servant saved the +situation, and he merely said: "Yessir; certainly sir," and looked +upon, me, standing silently by, as a person who evidently delighted +in giving unnecessary trouble. Had it been dear old Margery with her +Scotch tongue, which starts slowly, but gathers momentum as it +rolls, and can never be arrested until the full flood of her thought +has been poured forth, I should have been constrained to pick her up +bodily in my dainty arms and carry her out. + +So I sent for Simpson and Margery to the dining-room that evening, +when the master was safely out of ear-shot, and told them that, for +reasons which I could not fully explain, a very incorrect +description of my appearance had been given him. He thought me small +and slim; fair and very pretty; and it was most important, in order +to avoid long explanations and mental confusion for him, that he +should not at present be undeceived. Simpson's expression of polite +attention did not vary, and his only comment was: "Certainly, miss. +Quite so." But across old Margery's countenance, while I was +speaking, passed many shades of opinion, which, fortunately, by the +time I had finished, crystallized into an approving smile of +acquiescence. She even added her own commentary: "And a very good +thing, too, I am thinking. For Master Garth, poor laddie, was always +so set upon having beauty about him. 'Master Garthie,' I would say +to him, when he had friends coming, and all his ideas in talking +over the dinner concerned the cleaning up of the old silver, and +putting out of Valentine glass and Worstered china; 'Master +Garthie,' I would say, feeling the occasion called for the apt +quoting of Scripture, 'it appears to me your attention is given +entirely to the outside of the cup and platter, and you care nothing +for all the good things that lie within.' So it is just as well to +keep him deceived, Miss Gray." And then, as Simpson coughed +tactfully behind his hand, and nudged her very obviously with his +elbow, she added, as a sympathetic after-thought: "For, though a +homey face may indeed be redeemed by its kindly expression, you +cannot very well explain expression to the blind." So you see, +Deryck, this shrewd old body, who has known Garth from boyhood, +would have entirely agreed with the decision of three years ago. + +Well, to continue my report. The voice gave us some trouble, as you +foresaw, and the whole plan hung in the balance during a few awful +moments; for, though he easily accepted the explanation we had +planned, he sent me out, and told Dr. Mackenzie my voice in his room +would madden him. Dr. Rob was equal to the occasion, and won the +day; and Garth, having once given in, never mentioned the matter +again. Only, sometimes I see him listening and remembering. + +But Nurse Rosemary Gray has beautiful hours when poor anxious, +yearning Jane is shut out. For her patient turns to her, and depends +on her, and talks to her, and tries to reach her mind, and shows her +his, and is a wonderful person to live with and know. Jane, marching +about in the cold, outside, and hearing them talk, realises how +little she understood the beautiful gift which was laid at her feet; +how little she had grasped the nature and mind of the man whom she +dismissed as "a mere boy." Nurse Rosemary, sitting beside him during +long sweet hours of companionship, is learning it; and Jane, ramping +up and down her narrowing strip of desert, tastes the sirocco of +despair. + +And now I come to the point of my letter, and, though I am a woman, +I will not put it in a postscript. + +Deryck, can you come up soon, to pay him a visit, and to talk to me? +I don't think I can bear it, unaided, much longer; and he would so +enjoy having you, and showing you how he had got on, and all the +things he had already learned to do. Also you might put in a word +for Jane; or at all events, get at his mind on the subject. Oh, Boy, +if you COULD spare forty-eight hours! And a breath of the moors +would be good for you. Also I have a little private plan, which +depends largely for its fulfilment on your coming. Oh, Boy--come! + +Yours, needing you, + +Jeanette. + +From Sir Deryck Brand to Nurse Rosemary Gray, Castle Gleneesh, N. B. + +Wimpole Street. + +My dear Jeanette: Certainly I will come. I will leave Euston on +Friday evening. I can spend the whole of Saturday and most of Sunday +at Gleneesh, but must be home in time for Monday's work. + +I will do my best, only, alas! I am not Moses, and do not possess +his wonder-working rod. Moreover, latest investigations have proved +that the Israelites could not have crossed at the place you mention, +but further north at the Bitter Lakes; a mere matter of detail, in +no way affecting the extreme appositeness of your illustration, +rather, adding to it; for I fear there are bitter waters ahead of +you, my poor girl. + +Still I am hopeful, nay, more than hopeful,--confident. Often of +late, in connection with you, I have thought of the promise about +all things working together for good. Any one can make GOOD things +work together for good: but only the Heavenly Father can bring good +out of evil; and, taking all our mistakes and failings and +foolishnesses, cause them to work to our most perfect well-being. +The more intricate and involved this problem of human existence +becomes, the greater the need to take as our own clear rule of life: +"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own +understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct +thy paths." Ancient marching orders, and simple; but true, and +therefore eternal. + +I am glad Nurse Rosemary is proving so efficient, but I hope we may +not have to face yet another complication in our problem. Suppose +our patient falls in love with dainty little Nurse Rosemary, where +will Jane be then? I fear the desert would have to open its mouth +and swallow her up. We must avert such a catastrophe. Could not +Rosemary be induced to drop an occasional H, or to confess herself +as rather "gone" on Simpson? + +Oh, my poor old girl! I could not jest thus, were I not coming +shortly to your aid. + +How maddening it is! And you so priceless! But most men are either +fools or blind, and one is both. Trust me to prove it to him,--to my +own satisfaction and his,--if I get the chance. + +Yours always devotedly, + +Deryck Brand. + +From Sir Deryck Brand to Dr. Robert Mackenzie. + +Dear Mackenzie: Do you consider it to be advisable that I should +shortly pay a visit to our patient at Gleneesh and give an opinion +on his progress? + +I find I can make it possible to come north this week-end. + +I hope you are satisfied with the nurse I sent up. + +Yours very faithfully, + +Deryck Brand. + +From Dr. Robert Mackenzie to Sir Deryck Brand. + +Dear Sir Deryck: Every possible need of the patient's is being met +by the capable lady you sent to be his nurse. I am no longer needed. +Nor are you--for the patient. But I deem it exceedingly advisable +that you should shortly pay a visit to the nurse, who is losing more +flesh than a lady of her proportions can well afford. + +Some secret care, besides the natural anxiety of having the +responsibility of this case, is wearing her out. She may confide in +you. She cannot quite bring herself to trust in + +Your humble servant, + +Robert Mackenzie. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI + +HARD ON THE SECRETARY + + +Nurse Rosemary sat with her patient in the sunny library at +Gleneesh. A small table was between them, upon which lay a pile of +letters--his morning mail--ready for her to open, read to him, and +pass across, should there chance to be one among them he wished to +touch or to keep in his pocket. + +They were seated close to the French window opening on to the +terrace; the breeze, fragrant with the breath of spring flowers, +blew about them, and the morning sun streamed in. + +Garth, in white flannels, wearing a green tie and a button-hole of +primroses, lay back luxuriously, enjoying, with his rapidly +quickening senses, the scent of the flowers and the touch of the +sun-beams. + +Nurse Rosemary finished reading a letter of her own, folded it, and +put it in her pocket with a feeling of thankful relief. Deryck was +coming. He had not failed her. + +"A man's letter, Miss Gray," said Garth unexpectedly. + +"Quite right," said Nurse Rosemary. "How did you know?" + +"Because it was on one sheet. A woman's letter on a matter of great +importance would have run to two, if not three. And that letter was +on a matter of importance." + +"Right again," said Nurse Rosemary, smiling. "And again, how did you +know?" + +"Because you gave a little sigh of relief after reading the first +line, and another, as you folded it and replaced it in the +envelope." + +Nurse Rosemary laughed. "You are getting on so fast, Mr. Dalmain, +that soon we shall be able to keep no secrets. My letter was from--" + +"Oh, don't tell me," cried Garth quickly, putting out his hand in +protest. "I had no idea of seeming curious as to your private +correspondence, Miss Gray. Only it is such a pleasure to report +progress to you in the things I manage to find out without being +told." + +"But I meant to tell you anyway," said Nurse Rosemary. "The letter +is from Sir Deryck, and, amongst other things, he says he is coming +up to see you next Saturday." + +"Ah, good!" said Garth. "And what a change he will find! And I shall +have the pleasure of reporting on the nurse, secretary, reader, and +unspeakably patient guide and companion he provided for me." Then he +added, in a tone of suddenly awakened anxiety: "He is not coming to +take you away, is he?" + +"No," said Nurse Rosemary, "not yet. But, Mr. Dalmain, I was wanting +to ask whether you could spare me just during forty-eight hours; and +Dr. Brand's visit would be an excellent opportunity. I could leave +you more easily, knowing you would have his companionship. If I may +take the week-end, leaving on Friday night, I could return early on +Monday morning, and be with you in time to do the morning letters. +Dr. Brand would read you Saturday's and Sunday's--Ah, I forgot; +there is no Sunday post. So I should miss but one; and he would more +than take my place in other ways." + +"Very well," said Garth, striving not to show disappointment. "I +should have liked that we three should have talked together. But no +wonder you want a time off. Shall you be going far?" + +"No; I have friends near by. And now, do you wish to attend to your +letters?" + +"Yes," said Garth, reaching out his hand. "Wait a minute. There is a +newspaper among them. I smell the printing ink. I don't want that. +But kindly give me the rest." + +Nurse Rosemary took out the newspaper; then pushed the pile along, +until it touched his hand. + +Garth took them. "What a lot!" he said, smiling in pleasurable +anticipation. "I say, Miss Gray, if you profit as you ought to do by +the reading of so many epistles written in every possible and +impossible style, you ought to be able to bring out a pretty +comprehensive 'Complete Letter-writer.' Do you remember the +condolences of Mrs. Parker-Bangs? I think that was the first time we +really laughed together. Kind old soul! But she should not have +mentioned blind Bartimaeus dipping seven times in the pool of +Siloam. It is always best to avoid classical allusions, especially +if sacred, unless one has them accurately. Now--" Garth paused. + +He had been handling his letters, one by one; carefully fingering +each, before laying it on the table beside him. He had just come to +one written on foreign paper, and sealed. He broke off his sentence +abruptly, held the letter silently for a moment, then passed his +fingers slowly over the seal. + +Nurse Rosemary watched him anxiously. He made no remark, but after a +moment laid it down and took up the next. But when he passed the +pile across to her, he slipped the sealed letter beneath the rest, +so that she should come to it last of all. + +Then the usual order of proceedings commenced. Garth lighted a +cigarette--one of the first things he had learned to do for himself- +-and smoked contentedly, carefully placing his ash-tray, and almost +unfailingly locating the ash, in time and correctly. + +Nurse Rosemary took up the first letter, read the postmark, and +described the writing on the envelope. Garth guessed from whom it +came, and was immensely pleased if, on opening, his surmise proved +correct. There were nine to-day, of varying interest,--some from men +friends, one or two from charming women who professed themselves +ready to come and see him as soon as he wished for visitors, one +from a blind asylum asking for a subscription, a short note from the +doctor heralding his visit, and a bill for ties from a Bond Street +shop. + +Nurse Rosemary's fingers shook as she replaced the eighth in its +envelope. The last of the pile lay on the table. As she took it up, +Garth with a quick movement flung his cigarette-end through the +window, and lay back, shading his face with his hand. + +"Did I shoot straight, nurse?" he asked. + +She leaned forward and saw the tiny column of blue smoke rising from +the gravel. + +"Quite straight," she said. "Mr. Dalmain, this letter has an +Egyptian stamp, and the postmark is Cairo. It is sealed with scarlet +sealing-wax, and the engraving on the seal is a plumed helmet with +the visor closed." + +"And the writing?" asked Garth, mechanically and very quietly. + +"The handwriting is rather bold and very clear, with no twirls or +flourishes. It is written with a broad nib." + +"Will you kindly open it, nurse, and tell me the signature before +reading the rest of the letter." + +Nurse Rosemary fought with her throat, which threatened to close +altogether and stifle her voice. She opened the letter, turned to +the last page, and found the signature. + +"It is signed 'Jane Champion,' Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary. + +"Read it, please," said Garth quietly. And Nurse Rosemary began. + +Dear Dal: What CAN I write? If I were with you, there would be so +much I could say; but writing is so difficult, so impossible. + +I know it is harder for you than it would have been for any of us; +but you will be braver over it than we should have been, and you +will come through splendidly, and go on thinking life beautiful, and +making it seem so to other people. _I_ never thought it so until +that summer at Overdene and Shenstone when you taught me the +perception of beauty. Since then, in every sunset and sunrise, in +the blue-green of the Atlantic, the purple of the mountains, the +spray of Niagara, the cherry blossom of Japan, the golden deserts of +Egypt, I have thought of you, and understood them better, because of +you. Oh, Dal! I should like to come and tell you all about them, and +let you see them through my eyes; and then you would widen out my +narrow understanding of them, and show them again to me in greater +loveliness. + +I hear you receive no visitors; but cannot you make just one +exception, and let me come? + +I was at the Great Pyramid when I heard. I was sitting on the piazza +after dinner. The moonlight called up memories. I had just made up +my mind to give up the Nile, and to come straight home, and write +asking you to come and see me; when General Loraine turned up, with +an English paper and a letter from Myra, and--I heard. Would you +have come, Garth? + +And now, my friend, as you cannot come to me, may I come to you? If +you just say: "COME," I will come from any part of the world where I +may chance to be when the message reaches me. Never mind this +Egyptian address. I shall not be there when you are hearing this. +Direct to me at my aunt's town house. All my letters go there, and +are forwarded unopened. + +LET ME COME. And oh, do believe that I know something of how hard it +is for you. But God can "enable." + +Believe me to be, + +Yours, more than I can write, + +Jane Champion. + +Garth removed the hand which had been shielding his face. + +"If you are not tired, Miss Gray, after reading so many letters, I +should like to dictate my answer to that one immediately, while it +is fresh in my mind. Have you paper there? Thank you. May we begin?- +Dear Miss Champion . . . I am deeply touched by your kind letter of +sympathy . . . It was especially good of you to write to me from so +far away amid so much which might well have diverted your attention +from friends at home." + +A long pause. Nurse Rosemary Gray waited, pen in hand, and hoped the +beating of her heart was only in her own ears, and not audible +across the small table. + +"I am glad you did not give up the Nile trip but--" + +An early bee hummed in from the hyacinths and buzzed against the +pane. Otherwise the room was very still. + +--"but of course, if you had sent for me I should have come." + +The bee fought the window angrily, up and down, up and down, for +several minutes; then found the open glass and whirled out into the +sunshine, joyfully. + +Absolute silence in the room, until Garth's quiet voice broke it as +he went on dictating. + +"It is more than kind of you to suggest coming to see me, but--" + +Nurse Rosemary dropped her pen. "Oh, Mr. Dalmain," she said, "let +her come." + +Garth turned upon her a face of blank surprise. + +"I do not wish it," he said, in a tone of absolute finality. + +"But think how hard it must be for any one to want so much to be +near a--a friend in trouble, and to be kept away." + +"It is only her wonderful kindness of heart makes her offer to come, +Miss Gray. She is a friend and comrade of long ago. It would greatly +sadden her to see me thus." + +"It does not seem so to her," pleaded Nurse Rosemary. "Ah, cannot +you read between the lines? Or does it take a woman's heart to +understand a woman's letter? Did I read it badly? May I read it over +again?" + +A look of real annoyance gathered upon Garth's face. He spoke with +quiet sternness, a frown bending his straight black brows. + +"You read it quite well," he said, "but you do not do well to +discuss it. I must feel able to dictate my letters to my secretary, +without having to explain them." + +"I beg your pardon, sir," said Nurse Rosemary humbly. "I was wrong." + +Garth stretched his hand across the table, and left it there a +moment; though no responsive hand was placed within it. + +"Never mind," he said, with his winning smile, "my kind little +mentor and guide. You can direct me in most things, but not in this. +Now let us conclude. Where were we? Ah--'to suggest coming to see +me.' Did you put `It is most kind' or `It is more than kind?'" + +"'More than kind,'" said Nurse Rosemary, brokenly. + +"Right, for it is indeed more than kind. Only she and I can possibly +know how much more. Now let us go on . . . But I am receiving no +visitors, and do not desire any until I have so mastered my new +circumstances that the handicap connected with them shall neither be +painful nor very noticeable to other people. During the summer I +shall be learning step by step to live this new life, in complete +seclusion at Gleneesh. I feel sure my friends will respect my wish +in this matter. I have with me one who most perfectly and patiently +is helping--Ah, wait!" cried Garth suddenly. "I will not say that. +She might think--she might misunderstand. Had you begun to write it? +No? What was the last word? 'Matter?' Ah yes. That is right. Full +stop after 'matter.' Now let me think." + +Garth dropped his face into his hands, and sat for a long time +absorbed in thought. + +Nurse Rosemary waited. Her right hand held the pen poised over the +paper. Her left was pressed against her breast. Her eyes rested on +that dark bowed head, with a look of unutterable yearning and of +passionate tenderness. At last Garth lifted his face. "Yours very +sincerely, Garth Dalmain;" he said. And, silently, Nurse Rosemary +wrote it. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII + +DR. ROB TO THE RESCUE + + +Into the somewhat oppressive silence which followed the addressing +and closing of the envelope, broke the cheery voice of Dr. Rob. + +"Which is the patient to-day? The lady or the gentleman? Ah, +neither, I see. Both flaunt the bloom of perfect health and make the +doctor shy. It is spring without, but summer within," ran on Dr. Rob +gaily, wondering why both faces were so white and perturbed, and why +there was in the air a sense of hearts in torment. "Flannels seem to +call up boating and picnic parties; and I see you have discarded the +merino, Nurse Gray, and returned to the pretty blue washables. More +becoming, undoubtedly; only, don't take cold; and be sure you feed +up well. In this air people must eat plenty, and you have been +perceptibly losing weight lately. We don't want TOO airy-fairy +dimensions." + +"Why do you always chaff Miss Gray about being small, Dr. Rob?" +asked Garth, in a rather vexed tone. "I am sure being short is in no +way detrimental to her." + +"I will chaff her about being tall if you like," said Dr. Rob, +looking at her with a wicked twinkle, as she stood in the window, +drawn up to her full height, and regarding him with cold +disapproval. + +"I would sooner no comments of any kind were made upon her personal +appearance," said Garth shortly; then added, more pleasantly: "You +see, she is just a voice to me--a kind, guiding voice. At first I +used to form mental pictures of her, of a hazy kind; but now I +prefer to appropriate in all its helpfulness what I DO know, and +leave unimagined what I do not. Did it ever strike you that she is +the only person--bar that fellow Johnson, who belongs to a nightmare +time I am quickly forgetting--I have yet had near me, in my +blindness, whom I had not already seen; the only voice I have ever +heard to which I could not put a face and figure? In time, of +course, there will be many. At present she stands alone to me in +this." + +Dr. Rob's observant eye had been darting about during this +explanation, seeking to focus itself upon something worthy of minute +examination. Suddenly he spied the foreign letter lying close beside +him on the table. + +"Hello!" he said. "Pyramids? The Egyptian stamp? That's interesting. +Have you friends out there, Mr. Dalmain?" + +"That letter came from Cairo," Garth replied; "but I believe Miss +Champion has by now gone on to Syria." Dr. Rob attacked his +moustache, and stared at the letter meditatively. "Champion?" he +repeated. "Champion? It's an uncommon name. Is your correspondent, +by any chance, the Honourable Jane?" + +"Why, that letter is from her," replied Garth, surprised. "Do you +know her?" His voice vibrated eagerly. + +"Well," answered Dr. Rob, with slow deliberation, "I know her face, +and I know her voice; I know her figure, and I know a pretty good +deal of her character. I know her at home, and I know her abroad. +I've seen her under fire, which is more than most men of her +acquaintance can claim. But there is one thing I never knew until +to-day and that is her handwriting. May I examine this envelope?" He +turned to the window;--yes, this audacious little Scotchman had +asked the question of Nurse Rosemary. But only a broad blue back met +his look of inquiry. Nurse Rosemary was studying the view. He turned +back to Garth, who had evidently already made a sign of assent, and +on whose face was clearly expressed an eager desire to hear more, +and an extreme disinclination to ask for it. + +Dr. Mackenzie took up the envelope and pondered it. + +"Yes," he said, at last, "it is like her,--clear, firm, unwavering; +knowing what it means to say, and saying it; going where it means to +go, and getting there. Ay, lad, it's a grand woman that; and if you +have the Honourable Jane for your friend, you can be doing without a +few other things." + +A tinge of eager colour rose in Garth's thin cheeks. He had been so +starved in his darkness for want of some word concerning her, from +that outer light in which she moved. He had felt so hopelessly cut +off from all chance of hearing of her. And all the while, if only he +had known it, old Robbie could have talked of her. He had had to +question Brand so cautiously, fearing to betray his secret and hers; +but with Dr. Rob and Nurse Gray no such precautions were needed. He +could safely guard his secret, and yet listen and speak. + +"Where--when?" asked Garth. + +"I will tell you where, and I will tell you when," answered Dr. Rob, +"if you feel inclined for a war tale on this peaceful spring +morning." + +Garth was aflame With eagerness. "Have you a chair, doctor?" he +said. "And has Miss Gray a chair?" + +"I have no chair, sir," said Dr. Rob, "because when I intend +thoroughly to enjoy my own eloquence it is my custom to stand. Nurse +Gray has no chair, because she is standing at the window absorbed in +the view. She has apparently ceased to pay any heed to you and me. +You will very rarely find one woman take much interest in tales +about another. But you lean back in your own chair, laddie, and +light a cigarette. And a wonderful thing it is to see you do it, +too, and better than pounding the wall. Eh? All of which we may +consider we owe to the lady who disdains us and prefers the scenery. +Well, I'm not much to look at, goodness knows; and she can see you +all the rest of the day. Now that's a brand worth smoking. What do +you call it--'Zenith'? Ah, and 'Marcovitch.' Yes; you can't better +that for drawing-room and garden purposes. It mingles with the +flowers. Lean back and enjoy it, while I smell gun-powder. For I +will tell you where I first saw the Honourable Jane. Out in South +Africa, in the very thick of the Boer war. I had volunteered for the +sake of the surgery experience. She was out there, nursing; but the +real thing, mind you. None of your dabbling in eau-de-cologne with +lace handkerchiefs, and washing handsome faces when the orderlies +had washed them already; making charming conversation to men who +were getting well, but fleeing in dread from the dead or the dying. +None of that, you may be sure, and none of that allowed in her +hospital; for Miss Champion was in command there, and I can tell you +she made them scoot. She did the work of ten, and expected others to +do it too. Doctors and orderlies adored her. She was always called +'The Honourable Jane,' most of the men sounding the H and +pronouncing the title as four syllables. Ay, and the wounded +soldiers! There was many a lad out there, far from home and friends, +who, when death came, died with a smile on his lips, and a sense of +mother and home quite near, because the Honourable Jane's arm was +around him, and his dying head rested against her womanly breast. +Her voice when she talked to them? No,--that I shall never forget. +And to hear her snap at the women, and order along the men; and then +turn and speak to a sick Tommy as his mother or his sweetheart would +have wished to hear him spoken to, was a lesson in quick-change from +which I am profiting still. And that big, loving heart must often +have been racked; but she was always brave and bright. Just once she +broke down. It was over a boy whom she tried hard to save--quite a +youngster. She had held him during the operation which was his only +chance; and when it proved no good, and he lay back against her +unconscious, she quite broke down and said: 'Oh, doctor,--a mere +boy--and to suffer so, and then die like this!' and gathered him to +her, and wept over him, as his own mother might have done. The +surgeon told me of it himself. He said the hardest hearts in the +tent were touched and softened. But, it was the only time the +Honourable Jane broke down." + +Garth shielded his face with his hand. His half-smoked cigarette +fell unheeded to the floor. The hand that had held it was clenched +on his knee. Dr. Rob picked it up, and rubbed the scorched spot on +the carpet carefully with his foot. He glanced towards the window. +Nurse Rosemary had turned and was leaning against the frame. She did +not look at him, but her eyes dwelt with troubled anxiety on Garth. + +"I came across her several times, at different centres," continued +Dr. Rob; "but we were not in the same departments, and she spoke to +me only once. I had ridden in, from a temporary overflow sort of +place where we were dealing with the worst cases straight off the +field, to the main hospital in the town for a fresh supply of +chloroform. While they fetched it, I walked round the ward, and +there in a corner was Miss Champion, kneeling beside a man whose +last hour was very near, talking to him quietly, and taking measures +at the same time to ease his pain. Suddenly there came a crash--a +deafening rush--and another crash, and the Honourable Jane and her +patient were covered with dust and splinters. A Boer shell had gone +clean through the roof just over their heads. The man sat up, +yelling with fear. Poor chap, you couldn't blame him; dying, and +half under morphine. The Honourable Jane never turned a hair. 'Lie +down, my man,' she said, 'and keep still.' 'Not here,' sobbed the +man. 'All right,' said the Honourable Jane; 'we will soon move you.' +Then she turned and saw me. I was in the most nondescript khaki, a +non-com's jacket which I had caught up on leaving the tent, and +various odds and ends of my outfit which had survived the wear and +tear of the campaign. Also I was dusty with a long gallop. 'Here, +serjeant,' she said, 'lend a hand with this poor fellow. I can't +have him disturbed just now.' That was Jane's only comment on the +passing of a shell within a few yards of her own head. Do you wonder +the men adored her? She placed her hands beneath his shoulders, and +signed to me to take him under the knees, and together we carried +him round a screen, out of the ward, and down a short passage; +turning unexpectedly into a quiet little room, with a comfortable +bed, and photographs and books arranged on the tiny dressing-table. +She said: 'Here, if you please, serjeant,' and we laid him on the +bed. 'Whose is it?' I asked. She looked surprised at being +questioned, but seeing I was a stranger, answered civilly: 'Mine.' +And then, noting that he had dozed off while we carried him, added: +'And he will have done with beds, poor chap, before I need it.' +There's nerve for you!--Well, that was my only conversation out +there with the Honourable Jane. Soon after I had had enough and came +home." + +Garth lifted his head. "Did you ever meet her at home?" he asked. + +"I did," said Dr. Rob. "But she did not remember me. Not a flicker +of recognition. Well, how could I expect it? I wore a beard out +there; no time to shave; and my jacket proclaimed me a serjeant, not +a surgeon. No fault of hers if she did not expect to meet a comrade +from the front in the wilds of--of Piccadilly," finished Dr. Rob +lamely. "Now, having spun so long a yarn, I must be off to your +gardener's cot in the wood, to see his good wife, who has had what +he pathetically calls 'an increase.' I should think a decrease would +have better suited the size of his house. But first I must interview +Mistress Margery in the dining-room. She is anxious about herself +just now because she 'canna eat bacon.' She says it flies between +her shoulders. So erratic a deviation from its normal route on the +part of the bacon, undoubtedly requires investigation. So, by your +leave, I will ring for the good lady." + +"Not just yet, doctor," said a quiet voice from the window. "I want +to see you in the dining-room, and will follow you there +immediately. And afterwards, while you investigate Margery, I will +run up for my bonnet, and walk with you through the woods, if Mr. +Dalmain will not mind an hour alone." + +When Jane reached the dining-room, Dr. Robert Mackenzie was standing +on the hearth-rug in a Napoleonic attitude, just as on the morning +of their first interview. He looked up uncertainly as she came in. + +"Well?" he said. "Am I to pay the piper?" + +Jane came straight to him, with both hands extended. + +"Ah, serjeant!" she said. "You dear faithful old serjeant! See what +comes of wearing another man's coat. And my dilemma comes from +taking another woman's name. So you knew me all the time, from the +first moment I came into the room?" + +"From the first moment you entered the room," assented Dr. Rob. + +"Why did you not say so?" asked Jane. + +"Well, I concluded you had your reasons for being 'Nurse Rosemary +Gray,' and it did not come within my province to question your +identity." + +"Oh, you dear!" said Jane. "Was there ever anything so shrewd, and +so wise, and so bewilderingly far-seeing, standing on two legs on a +hearth-rug before! And when I remember how you said: 'So you have +arrived, Nurse Gray?' and all the while you might have been saying. +'How do you do, Miss Champion? And what brings you up here under +somebody else's name?" + +"I might have so said," agreed Dr. Rob reflectively; "but praise be, +I did not." + +"But tell me" said Jane "why let it out now?" + +Dr. Rob laid his hand on her arm. "My dear, I am an old fellow, and +all my life I have made it my business to know, without being told. +You have been coming through a strain,--a prolonged period of +strain, sometimes harder, sometimes easier, but never quite +relaxed,--a strain such as few women could have borne. It was not +only with him; you had to keep it up towards us all. I knew, if it +were to continue, you must soon have the relief of some one with +whom to share the secret,--some one towards whom you could be +yourself occasionally. And when I found you had been writing to him +here, sending the letter to be posted in Cairo (how like a woman, to +strain at a gnat, after swallowing such a camel!), awaiting its +return day after day, then obliged to read it to him yourself, and +take down his dictated answer, which I gathered from your faces when +I entered was his refusal of your request to come and see him, well, +it seemed to me about time you were made to realise that you might +as well confide in an old fellow who, in common with all the men who +knew you in South Africa, would gladly give his right hand for the +Honourable Jane." + +Jane looked at him, her eyes full of gratitude. For the moment she +could not speak. + +"But tell me, my dear," said Dr. Rob, "tell me, if you can: why does +the lad put from him so firmly that which, if indeed it might be his +for the asking, would mean for him so great, so wonderful, so +comforting a good?" + +"Ah, doctor," said Jane, "thereby hangs a tale of sad mistrust and +mistake, and the mistrust and mistake, alas, were mine. Now, while +you see Margery, I will prepare for walking; and as we go through +the wood I will try to tell you the woeful thing which came between +him and me and placed our lives so far apart. Your wise advice will +help me, and your shrewd knowledge of men and of the human heart may +find us a way out, for indeed we are shut in between Migdol and the +sea." + +As Jane crossed the hall and was about to mount the stairs, she +looked towards the closed library door. A sudden fear seized her, +lest the strain of listening to that tale of Dr. Rob's had been too +much for Garth. None but she could know all it must have awakened of +memory to be told so vividly of the dying soldiers whose heads were +pillowed on her breast, and the strange coincidence of those words, +"A mere boy--and to suffer so!" She could not leave the house +without being sure he was safe and well. And yet she instinctively +feared to intrude when he imagined himself alone for an hour. + +Then Jane, in her anxiety, did a thing she had never done before. +She opened the front door noiselessly, passed round the house to the +terrace, and when approaching the open window of the library, trod +on the grass border, and reached it without making the faintest +sound. + +Never before had she come upon him unawares, knowing he hated and +dreaded the thought of an unseen intrusion on his privacy. + +But now--just this once-- + +Jane looked in at the window. + +Garth sat sideways in the chair, his arms folded on the table beside +him, his face buried in them. He was sobbing as she had sometimes +heard men sob after agonising operations, borne without a sound +until the worst was over. And Garth's sob of agony was this: "OH, MY +WIFE--MY WIFE--MY WIFE!" + +Jane crept away. How she did it she never knew. But some instinct +told her that to reveal herself then, taking him at a disadvantage, +when Dr. Rob's story had unnerved and unmanned him, would be to ruin +all. "IF YOU VALUE YOUR ULTIMATE HAPPINESS AND HIS," Deryck's voice +always sounded in warning. Besides, it was such a short +postponement. In the calm earnest thought which would succeed this +storm, his need of her, would win the day. The letter, not yet +posted, would be rewritten. He would say "COME"--and the next minute +he would be in her arms. + +So Jane turned noiselessly away. + +Coming in, an hour later, from her walk with Dr. Rob, her heart +filled with glad anticipation, she found him standing in the window, +listening to the countless sounds he was learning to distinguish. He +looked so slim and tall and straight in his white flannels, both +hands thrust deep into the pockets of his coat, that when he turned +at her approach it seemed to her as if the shining eyes MUST be +there. + +"Was it lovely in the woods?" he asked. "Simpson shall take me up +there after lunch. Meanwhile, is there time, if you are not tired, +Miss Gray, to finish our morning's work?" + +Five letters were dictated and a cheque written. Then Jane noticed +that hers to him had gone from among the rest. But his to her lay on +the table ready for stamping. She hesitated. + +"And about the letter to Miss Champion?" she said. "Do you wish it +to go as it is, Mr. Dalmain?" + +"Why certainly," he said. "Did we not finish it?" + +"I thought," said Jane nervously, looking away from his blank face, +"I thought perhaps--after Dr. Rob's story--you might--" + +"Dr. Rob's story could make no possible difference as to whether I +should let her come here or not," said Garth emphatically; then +added more gently: "It only reminded me--" + +"Of what?" asked Jane, her hands upon her breast. + +"Of what a glorious woman she is," said Garth Dalmain, and blew a +long, steady cloud of smoke into the summer air. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII + +THE ONLY WAY + + +When Deryck Brand alighted at the little northern wayside station, +he looked up and down the gravelled platform, more than half +expecting to see Jane. The hour was early, but she invariably said +"So much the better" to any plan which involved rising earlier than +usual. Nothing was to be seen, however, but his portmanteau in the +distance--looking as if it had taken up a solitary and permanent +position where the guard had placed it--and one slow porter, who +appeared to be overwhelmed by the fact that he alone was on duty to +receive the train. + +There were no other passengers descending; there was no other +baggage to put out. The guard swung up into his van as the train +moved off. + +The old porter, shading his eyes from the slanting rays of the +morning sun, watched the train glide round the curve and disappear +from sight; then slowly turned and looked the other way,--as if to +make sure there was not another coming,--saw the portmanteau, and +shambled towards it. He stood looking down upon it pensively, then +moved slowly round, apparently reading the names and particulars of +all the various continental hotels at which the portmanteau had +recently stayed with its owner. + +Dr. Brand never hurried people, He always said: "It answers best, in +the long run, to let them take their own time. The minute or two +gained by hurrying them is lost in the final results." But this +applied chiefly to patients in the consulting-room; to anxious young +students in hospital; or to nurses, too excitedly conscious at first +of the fact that he was talking to them, to take in fully what he +was saying. His habit of giving people, even in final moments, the +full time they wanted, had once lost him an overcoat, almost lost +him a train, and won him the thing in life he most desired. But that +belongs to another story. + +Meanwhile he wanted his breakfast on this fresh spring morning. And +he wanted to see Jane. Therefore, as porter and portmanteau made no +advance towards him, the doctor strode down the platform. + +"Now then, my man!" he called. + +"I beg your pardon?" said the Scotch porter. + +"I want my portmanteau." + +"Would this be your portmanteau?" inquired the porter doubtfully. + +"It would," said the doctor. "And it and I would be on our way to +Castle Gleneesh, if you would be bringing it out and putting it into +the motor, which I see waiting outside." + +"I will be fetching a truck," said the porter. But when he returned, +carefully trundling it behind him, the doctor, the portmanteau, and +the motor were all out of sight. + +The porter shaded his eyes and gazed up the road. + +"I will be hoping it WAS his portmanteau," he said, and went back to +his porridge. + +Meanwhile the doctor sped up into the hills, his mind alight with +eagerness to meet Jane and to learn the developments of the last few +days. Her non-appearance at the railway station filled him with an +undefinable anxiety. It would have been so like Jane to have been +there, prompt to seize the chance of a talk with him alone before he +reached the house. He had called up, in anticipation, such a vivid +picture of her, waiting on the platform,--bright, alert, vigorous, +with that fresh and healthy vigour which betokens a good night's +rest, a pleasant early awakening, and a cold tub recently enjoyed,-- +and the disappointment of not seeing her had wrought in him a +strange foreboding. What if her nerve had given way under the +strain? + +They turned a bend in the winding road, and the grey turrets of +Gleneesh came in sight, high up on the other side of the glen, the +moor stretching away behind and above it. As they wound up the +valley to the moorland road which would bring them round to the +house, the doctor could see, in the clear morning light, the broad +lawn and terrace of Gleneesh, with its gay flower-beds, smooth +gravelled walks, and broad stone parapet, from which was a drop +almost sheer down into the glen below. + +Simpson received him at the hall door; and he just stopped himself +in time, as he was about to ask for Miss Champion. This perilous +approach to a slip reminded him how carefully he must guard words +and actions in this house, where Jane had successfully steered her +intricate course. He would never forgive himself if he gave her +away. + +"Mr. Dalmain is in the library, Sir Deryck," said Simpson; and it +was a very alert, clear-headed doctor who followed the man across +the hall. + +Garth rose from his chair and walked forward to meet him, his right +hand outstretched, a smile of welcome on his face, and so direct and +unhesitating a course that the doctor had to glance at the sightless +face to make sure that this lithe, graceful, easy-moving figure was +indeed the blind man he had come to see. Then he noticed a length of +brown silk cord stretched from an arm of the chair Garth had quitted +to the door. Garth's left hand had slipped lightly along it as he +walked. + +The doctor put his hand into the one outstretched, and gripped it +warmly. + +"My dear fellow! What a change!" + +"Isn't it?" said Garth delightedly. "And it is entirely she who has +worked it,--the capital little woman you sent up to me. I want to +tell you how first-rate she is." He had reached his chair again, and +found and drew forward for the doctor the one in which Jane usually +sat, "this is her own idea." He unhitched the cord, and let it fall +to the floor, a fine string remaining attached to it and to the +chair, by which he could draw it up again at will. "There is one on +this side leading to the piano, and one here to the window. Now how +should you know them apart?" + +"They are brown, purple, and orange," replied the doctor. + +"Yes," said Garth. "You know them by the colours, but I distinguish +them by a slight difference in the thickness and in the texture, +which you could not see, but which I can feel. And I enjoy thinking +of the colours, too. And sometimes I wear ties and things to match +them. You see, I know exactly how they look; and it was so like her +to remember that. An ordinary nurse would have put red, green, and +blue, and I should have sat and hated the thought of them knowing +how vilely they must be clashing with my Persian carpet. But she +understands how much colours mean to me, even though I cannot see +them." + +"I conclude that by 'she' you mean Nurse Rosemary," said the doctor. +"I am glad she is a success." + +"A success!" exclaimed Garth. "Why, she helped me to live again! I +am ashamed to remember how at the bottom of all things I was when +you came up before, Brand,--just pounding the wall, as old Robbie +expresses it. You must have thought me a fool and a coward." + +"I thought you neither, my dear fellow. You were coming through a +stiffer fight than any of us have been called to face. Thank God, +you have won." + +"I owe a lot to you, Brand, and still more to Miss Gray. I wish she +were here to see you. She is away for the week-end." + +"Away! J--just now?" exclaimed the doctor, almost surprised into +another slip. + +"Yes; she went last night. She is week-ending in the neighbourhood. +She said she was not going far, and should be back with me early on +Monday morning. But she seemed to want a change of scene, and +thought this a good opportunity, as I shall have you here most of +the time. I say, Brand, I do think it is extraordinarily good of you +to come all this way to see me. You know, from such a man as +yourself it is almost overwhelming." + +"You must not be overwhelmed, my dear chap; and, though I very truly +came to see you, I am also up, about another old friend in the near +neighbourhood in whom I am interested. I only mention this in order +to be quite honest, and to lift from off you any possible burden of +feeling yourself my only patient." + +"Oh, thanks!" said Garth. "It lessens my compunction without +diminishing my gratitude. And now you must be wanting a brush up and +breakfast, and here am I selfishly keeping you from both. And I say, +Brand,"--Garth coloured hotly, boyishly, and hesitated,--"I am +awfully sorry you will have no companion at your meals, Miss Gray +being away. I do not like to think of you having them alone, but I-- +I always have mine by myself. Simpson attends to them." + +He could not see the doctor's quick look of comprehension, but the +understanding sympathy of the tone in which he said: "Ah, yes. Yes, +of course," without further comment, helped Garth to add: "I +couldn't even have Miss Gray with me. We always take our meals +apart. You cannot imagine how awful it is chasing your food all +round your plate, and never sure it is not on the cloth, after all, +or on your tie, while you are hunting for it elsewhere." + +"No, I can't imagine," said the doctor. "No one could who had not +been through it. But can you bear it better with Simpson than with +Nurse Rosemary? She is trained to that sort of thing, you know." + +Garth coloured again. "Well, you see, Simpson is the chap who shaves +me, and gets me into my clothes, and takes me about; and, though it +will always be a trial, it is a trial to which I am growing +accustomed. You might put it thus: Simpson is eyes to my body; Miss +Gray is vision to my mind. Simpson's is the only touch which cores +to me in the darkness. Do you know, Miss Gray has never touched me,- +-not even to shake hands. I am awfully glad of this. I will tell you +why presently, if I may. It makes her just a MIND and VOICE to me, +and nothing more; but a wonderfully kind and helpful voice. I feel +as if I could not live without her." + +Garth rang the bell and Simpson appeared. + +"Take Sir Deryck to his room; and he will tell you what time he +would like breakfast. And when you have seen to it all, Simpson, I +will go out for a turn. Then I shall be free, Brand, when you are. +But do not give me any more time this morning if you ought to be +resting, or out on the moors having a holiday from minds and men." + +The doctor tubbed and got into his knickerbockers and an old Norfolk +jacket; then found his way to the dining-room, and did full justice +to an excellent breakfast. He was still pondering the problem of +Jane, and at the same time wondering in another compartment of his +mind in what sort of machine old Margery made her excellent coffee, +when that good lady appeared, enveloped in an air of mystery, and +the doctor immediately propounded the question. + +"A jug," said old Margery. "And would you be coming with me, Sir +Deryck,--and softly, whenever you have finished your breakfast?" + +"Softly," said Margery again, as they crossed the hall, the doctor's +tall figure closely following in her portly wake. After mounting a +few stairs she turned to whisper impressively: "It is not what ye +make it IN; it is HOW ye make it." She ascended a few more steps, +then turned to say: "It all hangs upon the word FRESH," and went on +mounting. "Freshly roasted--freshly ground--water--freshly-boiled--" +said old Margery, reaching the topmost stair somewhat breathless; +then turning, bustled along a rather dark passage, thickly carpeted, +and hung with old armour and pictures. + +"Where are we going, Mistress Margery?" asked the doctor, adapting +his stride to her trot--one to two. + +"You will be seeing whenever we get there, Sir Deryck," said +Margery. "And never touch it with metal, Sir Deryck. Pop it into an +earthenware jug, pour your boiling water straight upon it, stir it +with a wooden spoon, set it on the hob ten minutes to settle; the +grounds will all go to the bottom, though you might not think it; +and you pour it out--fragrant, strong, and clear. But the secret is, +fresh, fresh, fresh, and don't stint your coffee." + +Old Margery paused before a door at the end of the passage, knocked +lightly; then looked up at the doctor with her hand on the door- +handle, and an expression of pleading earnestness in her faithful +Scotch eyes. + +"And you will not forget the wooden spoon, Sir Deryck?" + +The doctor looked down into the kind old face raised to his in the +dim light. "I will not forget the wooden spoon, Mistress Margery," +he said, gravely. And old Margery, turning the handle whispered +mysteriously into the half-opened doorway: "It will be Sir Deryck, +Miss Gray," and ushered the doctor into a cosy little sitting-room. + +A bright fire burned in the grate. In a high-backed arm-chair in +front of it sat Jane, with her feet on the fender. He could only see +the top of her head, and her long grey knees; but both were +unmistakably Jane's: + +"Oh, Dicky!" she said, and a great thankfulness was in her voice, +"is it you? Oh, come in, Boy, and shut the door. Are we alone? Come +round here quick and shake hands, or I shall be plunging about +trying to find you." + +In a moment the doctor had reached the hearth-rug, dropped on one +knee in front of the large chair, and took the vaguely groping hands +held out to him. + +"Jeanette?" he said. "Jeanette!" And then surprise and emotion +silenced him. + +Jane's eyes were securely bandaged. A black silk scarf, folded in +four thicknesses, was firmly tied at the back of her smooth coils of +hair. There was a pathetic helplessness about her large capable +figure, sitting alone, in this bright little sitting-room, doing +nothing. + +"Jeanette!" said the doctor, for the third time. "And you call this +week-ending?" + +"Dear," said Jane, "I have gone into Sightless Land for my week-end. +Oh, Deryck, I had to do it. The only way really to help him is to +know exactly what it means, in all the small, trying details. I +never had much imagination, and I have exhausted what little I had. +And he never complains, or explains how things come hardest. So the +only way to find out is to have forty-eight hours of it one's self. +Old Margery and Simpson quite enter into it, and are helping me +splendidly. Simpson keeps the coast clear if we want to come down or +go out; because with two blind people about, it would be a +complication if they ran into one another. Margery helps me with all +the things in which I am helpless; and, oh Dicky, you would never +believe how many they are! And the awful, awful dark--a black +curtain always in front of you, sometimes seeming hard and firm, +like a wall of coal, within an inch of your face; sometimes sinking +away into soft depths of blackness--miles and miles of distant, +silent, horrible darkness; until you feel you must fall forward into +it and be submerged and overwhelmed. And out of that darkness come +voices. And if they speak loudly, they hit you like tapping hammers; +and if they murmur indistinctly, they madden you because you can't +SEE what is causing it. You can't see that they are holding pins in +their mouths, and that therefore they are mumbling; or that they are +half under the bed, trying to get out something which has rolled +there, and therefore the voice seems to come from somewhere beneath +the earth. And, because you cannot see these things to account for +it, the variableness of sound torments you. Ah!--and the waking in +the morning to the same blackness as you have had all night! I have +experienced it just once,--I began my darkness before dinner last +night,--and I assure you, Deryck, I dread to-morrow morning. Think +what it must be to wake to that always, with no prospect of ever +again seeing the sunlight! And then the meals--" + +"What! You keep it on?" The doctor's voice sounded rather strained. + +"Of course," said Jane. "And you cannot imagine the humiliation of +following your food all round the plate, and then finding it on the +table-cloth; of being quite sure there was a last bit somewhere, and +when you had given up the search and gone on to another course, +discovering it, eventually, in your lap. I do not wonder my poor boy +would not let me come to his meals. But after this I believe he +will, and I shall know exactly how to help him and how to arrange so +that very soon he will have no difficulty. Oh, Dicky, I had to do +it! There was no other way." + +"Yes," said the doctor quietly, "you had to do it." And Jane in her +blindness could not see the working of his face, as he added below +his breath: "You being YOU, dear, there was no other way." + +"Ah, how glad I am you realise the necessity, Deryck! I had so +feared you might think it useless or foolish. And it was now or +never; because I trust--if he forgives me--this will be the only +week-end I shall ever have to spend away from him. Boy, do you think +he will forgive me?" + +It was fortunate Jane was blind: The doctor swallowed a word, then: +"Hush, dear," he said. "You make me sigh for the duchess's parrot. +And I shall do no good here, if I lose patience with Dalmain. Now +tell me; you really never remove that bandage?" "Only to wash my +face," replied Jane, smiling. "I can trust myself not to peep for +two minutes. And last night I found it made my head so hot that I +could not sleep; so I slipped it off for an hour or two, but woke +and put it on again before dawn." "And you mean to wear it until to- +morrow morning?" + +Jane smiled rather wistfully. She knew what was involved in that +question. + +"Until to-morrow night, Boy," she answered gently. + +"But, Jeanette," exclaimed the doctor, in indignant protest; "surely +you will see me before I go! My dear girl, would it not be carrying +the experiment unnecessarily far?" + +"Ah, no," said Jane, leaning towards him with her pathetic bandaged +eyes. "Don't you see, dear, you give me the chance of passing +through what will in time be one of his hardest experiences, when +his dearest friends will come and go, and be to him only voice and +touch; their faces unseen and but dimly remembered? Deryck, just +because this hearing and not seeing you IS so hard, I realise how it +is enriching me in what I can share with him. He must not have to +say: 'Ah, but you saw him before he left.' I want to be able to say: +'He came and went,--my greatest friend,--and I did not see him at +all.'" + +The doctor walked over to the window and stood there, whistling +softly. Jane knew he was fighting down his own vexation. She waited +patiently. Presently the whistling stopped and she heard him laugh. +Then he came back and sat down near her. + +"You always were a THOROUGH old thing!" he said. + +"No half-measures would do. I suppose I must agree." + +Jane reached out for his hand. "Ah, Boy," she said, "now you will +help me. But I never before knew you so nearly selfish." + +"The 'other man' is always a problem," said the doctor. "We male +brutes, by nature, always want to be first with all our women; not +merely with the one, but with all those in whom we consider, +sometimes with egregious presumption, that we hold a right. You see +it everywhere,--fathers towards their daughters, brothers as regards +their sisters, friends in a friendship. The 'other man,' when he +arrives, is always a pill to swallow. It is only natural, I suppose; +but it is fallen nature and therefore to be surmounted. Now let me +go and forage for your hat and coat, and take you out upon the +moors. No? Why not? I often find things for Flower, so really I know +likely places in which to search. Oh, all right! I will send +Margery. But don't be long. And you need not be afraid of Dalmain +hearing us, for I saw him just now walking briskly up and down the +terrace, with only an occasional touch of his cane against the +parapet. How much you have already accomplished! We shall talk more +freely out on the moor; and, as I march you along, we can find out +tips which may be useful when the time comes for you to lead the +'other man' about. Only do be careful how you come downstairs with +old Margery. Think if you fell upon her, Jane! She does make such +excellent coffee!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV + +THE MAN'S POINT OF VIEW + + +A deep peace reigned in the library at Gleneesh. Garth and Deryck +sat together and smoked in complete fellowship, enjoying that sense +of calm content which follows an excellent dinner and a day spent in +moorland air. + +Jane, sitting upstairs in her self-imposed darkness, with nothing to +do but listen, fancied she could hear the low hum of quiet voices in +the room beneath, carrying on a more or less continuous +conversation. + +It was a pity she could not see them as they sat together, each +looking his very best,--Garth in the dinner jacket which suited his +slight upright figure so well; the doctor in immaculate evening +clothes of the latest cut and fashion, which he had taken the +trouble to bring, knowing Jane expected the men of her acquaintance +to be punctilious in the matter of evening dress, and little +dreaming she would have, literally, no eyes for him. + +And indeed the doctor himself was fastidious to a degree where +clothes were concerned, and always well groomed and unquestionably +correct in cut and fashion, excepting in the case of his favourite +old Norfolk jacket. This he kept for occasions when he intended to +be what he called "happy and glorious," though Lady Brand made +gentle but persistent attempts to dispose of it. + +The old Norfolk jacket had walked the moors that morning with Jane. +She had recognised the feel of it as he drew her hand within his +arm, and they had laughed over its many associations. But now +Simpson was folding it and putting it away, and a very correctly +clad doctor sat in an arm-chair in front of the library fire, his +long legs crossed the one over the other, his broad shoulders buried +in the depths of the chair. + +Garth sat where he could feel the warm flame of the fire, pleasant +in the chill evening which succeeded the bright spring day. His +chair was placed sideways, so that he could, with his hand, shield +his face from his visitor should he wish to do so. + +"Yes," Dr. Brand was saying thoughtfully, "I can easily see that all +things which reach you in that darkness assume a different +proportion and possess a greatly enhanced value. But I think you +will find, as time goes on, and you come in contact with more +people, there will be a great readjustment, and you will become less +consciously sensitive to sound and touch from others. At present +your whole nervous system is highly strung, and responds with an +exaggerated vibration to every impression made upon it. A highly +strung nervous system usually exaggerates. And the medium of sight +having been taken away, the other means of communication with the +outer world, hearing and touch, draw to themselves an overplus of +nervous force, and have become painfully sensitive. Eventually +things will right themselves, and they will only be usefully keen +and acute. What was it you were going to tell me about Nurse +Rosemary not shaking hands?" + +"Ah, yes," said Garth. "But first I want to ask, Is it a rule of her +order, or guild, or institution, or whatever it is to which she +belongs, that the nurses should never shake hands with their +patients?" + +"Not that I have ever heard," replied the doctor. + +"Well, then, it must have been Miss Gray's own perfect intuition as +to what I want, and what I don't want. For from the very first she +has never shaken hands, nor in any way touched me. Even in passing +across letters, and handing me things, as she does scores of times +daily, never once have I felt her fingers against mine." + +"And this pleases you?" inquired the doctor, blowing smoke rings +into the air, and watching the blind face intently. + +"Ah, I am so grateful for it," said Garth earnestly. "Do you know, +Brand, when you suggested sending me a lady nurse and secretary, I +felt I could not possibly stand having a woman touch me." + +"So you said," commented the doctor quietly. + +"No! Did I? What a bear you must have thought me." + +"By no means," said the doctor, "but a distinctly unusual patient. +As a rule, men--" + +"Ah, I dare say," Garth interposed half impatiently. "There was a +time when I should have liked a soft little hand about me. And I +dare say by now I should often enough have caught it and held it, +perhaps kissed it--who knows? I used to do such things, lightly +enough. But, Brand, when a man has known the touch of THE Woman, and +when that touch has become nothing but a memory; when one is dashed +into darkness, and that memory becomes one of the few things which +remain, and, remaining, brings untold comfort, can you wonder if one +fears another touch which might in any way dim that memory, +supersede it, or take away from its utter sacredness?" + +"I understand," said the doctor slowly. "It does not come within my +own experience, but I understand. Only--my dear boy, may I say it?-- +if the One Woman exists--and it is excusable in your case to doubt +it, because there were so many--surely her place should be here; her +actual touch, one of the things which remain." + +"Ah, say it," answered Garth, lighting another cigarette. "I like to +hear it said, although as a matter of fact you might as well say +that if the view from the terrace exists, I ought to be able to see +it. The view is there, right enough, but my own deficiency keeps me +from seeing it." + +"In other words," said the doctor, leaning forward and picking up +the match which, not being thrown so straight as usual, had just +missed the fire; "in other words, though She was the One Woman, you +were not the One Man?" + +"Yes," said Garth bitterly, but almost beneath his breath. "I was 'a +mere boy.'" + +"Or you thought you were not," continued the doctor, seeming not to +have heard the last remark. "As a matter of fact, you are always the +One Man to the One Woman, unless another is before you in the field. +Only it may take time and patience to prove it to her." + +Garth sat up and turned a face of blank surprise towards the doctor. +"What an extraordinary statement!" he said. "Do you really mean it?" + +"Absolutely," replied the doctor in a tone of quiet conviction. "If +you eliminate all other considerations, such as money, lands, +titles, wishes of friends, attraction of exteriors--that is to say, +admiration of mere physical beauty in one another, which is after +all just a question of comparative anatomy; if, freed of all this +social and habitual environment, you could place the man and the +woman in a mental Garden of Eden, and let them face one another, +stripped of all shams and conventionalities, soul viewing soul, +naked and unashamed; if under those circumstances she is so truly +his mate, that all the noblest of the man cries out: 'This is the +One Woman!' then I say, so truly is he her mate, that he cannot fail +to be the One Man; only he must have the confidence required to +prove it to her. On him it bursts, as a revelation; on her it dawns +slowly, as the breaking of the day." + +"Oh, my God," murmured Garth brokenly, "it was just that! The Garden +of Eden, soul to soul, with no reservations, nothing to fear, +nothing to hide. I realised her my WIFE, and called her so. And the +next morning she called ME 'a mere boy,' whom she could not for a +moment think of marrying. So what becomes of your fool theory, +Brand?" + +"Confirmed," replied the doctor quietly. "Eve, afraid of the +immensity of her bliss, doubtful of herself, fearful of coming short +of the marvel of his ideal of her, fleeing from Adam, to hide among +the trees of the garden. Don't talk about fool theories, my boy. The +fool-fact was Adam, if he did not start in prompt pursuit." + +Garth sat forward, his hands clutching the arms of his chair. That +quiet, level voice was awakening doubts. as to his view of the +situation, the first he had had since the moment of turning and +walking down the Shenstone village church three years ago. His face +was livid, and as the firelight played upon it the doctor saw beads +of perspiration gleam on his forehead. + +"Oh, Brand," he said, "I am blind. Be merciful. Things mean so +terribly much in the dark." + +The doctor considered. Could his nurses and students have seen the +look on his face at that moment, they would have said that he was +performing a most critical and delicate operation, in which a slip +of the scalpel might mean death to the patient. They would have been +right; for the whole future of two people hung in the balance; +depending, in this crisis, upon the doctor's firmness and yet +delicacy of touch. This strained white face in the firelight, with +its beads of mental agony and its appealing "I am blind," had not +entered into the doctor's calculations. It was a view of "the other +man" upon which he could not look unmoved. But the thought of that +patient figure with bandaged eyes sitting upstairs in suspense, +stretching dear helpless hands to him, steadied the doctor's nerve. +He looked into the fire. + +"You may be blind, Dalmain, but I do not want you to be a fool," +said the doctor quietly. + +"Am I--was I--a fool?" asked Garth. + +"How can I judge?" replied the doctor. "Give me a clear account of +the circumstances from your point of view, and I will give you my +opinion of the case." + +His tone was so completely dispassionate and matter-of-fact, that it +had a calming effect on Garth, giving him also a sense of security. +The doctor might have been speaking of a sore throat, or a tendency +to sciatica. + +Garth leaned back in his chair, slipped his hand into the breast- +pocket of his jacket, and touched a letter lying there. Dare he risk +it? Could he, for once take for himself the comfort of speaking of +his trouble to a man he could completely trust, and yet avoid the +danger of betraying her identity to one who knew her so intimately? + +Garth weighed this, after the manner of a chess-player looking +several moves ahead. Could the conversation become more explicit, +sufficiently so to be of use, and yet no clue be given which would +reveal Jane as the One Woman? + +Had the doctor uttered a word of pressure or suggestion, Garth would +have decided for silence. But the doctor did not speak. He leaned +forward and reached the poker, mending the fire with extreme care +and method. He placed a fragrant pine log upon the springing flame, +and as he did so he whistled softly the closing bars of Veni, +Creator Spiritus. + +Garth, occupied with his own mental struggle, was, for once, +oblivious to sounds from without, and did not realise why, at this +critical moment, these words should have come with gentle insistence +into his mind: + + "Keep far our foes; give peace at home; + Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come." + +He took them as an omen. They turned the scale. + +"Brand," he said, "if, as you are so kind as to suggest, I give +myself the extreme relief of confiding in you, will you promise me +never to attempt to guess at the identity of the One Woman?" + +The doctor smiled; and the smile in his voice as he answered, added +to Garth's sense of security. + +"My dear fellow," he said, "I never guess at other people's secrets. +It is a form of mental recreation which does not appeal to me, and +which I should find neither entertaining nor remunerative. If I know +them already, I do not require to guess them. If I do not know them, +and their possessors wish me to remain in ignorance, I would as soon +think of stealing their purse as of filching their secret." + +"Ah, thanks," said Garth. "Personally, I do not mind what you know. +But I owe it to her, that her name should not appear." + +"Undoubtedly," said the doctor. "Except in so far as she herself, +chooses to reveal it, the One Woman's identity should always remain +a secret. Get on with your tale, old chap. I will not interrupt." + +"I will state it as simply and as shortly as I can," began Garth. +"And you will understand that there are details of which no fellow +could speak.--I had known her several years in a friendly way, just +staying at the same houses, and meeting at Lord's and Henley and all +the places where those in the same set do meet. I always liked her, +and always felt at my best with her, and thought no end of her +opinion, and so forth. She was a friend and a real chum to me, and +to lots of other fellows. But one never thought of love-making in +connection with her. All the silly things one says to ordinary women +she would have laughed at. If one had sent her flowers to wear, she +would have put them in a vase and wondered for whom they had really +been intended. She danced well, and rode straight; but the man she +danced with had to be awfully good at it, or he found himself being +guided through the giddy maze; and the man who wanted to be in the +same field with her, must be prepared for any fence or any wall. Not +that I ever saw her in the hunting-field; her love of life and of +fair play would have kept her out of that. But I use it as a +descriptive illustration. One was always glad to meet her in a house +party, though one could not have explained why. It is quite +impossible to describe her. She was just--well, just--" + +The doctor saw "just Jane" trembling on Garth's lips, and knew how +inadequate was every adjective to express this name. He did not want +the flood of Garth's confidences checked, so he supplied the needed +words. + +"Just a good sort. Yes, I quite understand. Well?" + +"I had had my infatuations, plenty of them," went on the eager young +voice. "The one thing I thought of in women was their exteriors. +Beauty of all kinds--of any kind--crazed me for the moment. I never +wanted to marry them, but I always wanted to paint them. Their +mothers, and aunts, and other old dowagers in the house parties used +to think I meant marriage, but the girls themselves knew better. I +don't believe a girl now walks this earth who would accuse me of +flirting. I admired their beauty, and they knew it, and they knew +that was all my admiration meant. It was a pleasant experience at +the time, and, in several instances, helped forward good marriages +later on. Pauline Lister was apportioned to me for two whole +seasons, but she eventually married the man on whose jolly old +staircase I painted her. Why didn't I come a cropper over any of +them? Because there were too many, I suppose. Also, the attraction +was skin-deep. I don't mind telling you quite frankly: the only one +whose beauty used to cause me a real pang was Lady Brand. But when I +had painted it and shown it to the world in its perfection, I was +content. I asked no more of any woman than to paint her, and find +her paintable. I could not explain this to the husbands and mothers +and chaperons, but the women themselves understood it well enough; +and as I sit here in my darkness not a memory rises up to reproach +me." + +"Good boy," said Deryck Brand, laughing. "You were vastly +misunderstood, but I believe you." + +"You see," resumed Garth, "that sort of thing being merely skin- +deep, I went no deeper. The only women I really knew were my mother, +who died when I was nineteen, and Margery Graem, whom I always +hugged at meeting and parting, and always shall hug until I kiss the +old face in its coffin, or she straightens me in mine. Those ties of +one's infancy and boyhood are among the closest and most sacred life +can show. Well, so things were until a certain evening in June +several years ago. She--the One Woman--and I were in the same house +party at a lovely old place in the country. One afternoon we had +been talking intimately, but quite casually and frankly. I had no +more thought of wanting to marry her than of proposing to old +Margery. Then--something happened,--I must not tell you what; it +would give too clear a clue to her identity. But it revealed to me, +in a few marvellous moments, the woman in her; the wife, the mother; +the strength, the tenderness; the exquisite perfection of her true, +pure soul. In five minutes there awakened in me a hunger for her +which nothing could still, which nothing ever will still, until I +stand beside her in the Golden City, where they shall hunger no +more, neither thirst any more; and there shall be no more darkness, +or depending upon sun, moon, or candle, for the glory of God shall +lighten it; and there shall be no more sorrow, neither shall there +be any more pain, for former things shall have passed away." + +The blind face shone in the firelight. Garth's retrospection was +bringing him visions of things to come. + +The doctor sat quite still and watched the vision fade. Then he +said: "Well?" + +"Well," continued the young voice in the shadow, with a sound in it +of having dropped back to earth and finding it a mournful place; "I +never had a moment's doubt as to what had happened to me. I knew I +loved her; I knew I wanted her; I knew her presence made my day and +her absence meant chill night; and every day was radiant, for she +was there." + +Garth paused for breath and to enjoy a moment of silent +retrospection. + +The doctor's voice broke in with a question, clear, incisive. "Was +she a pretty woman; handsome, beautiful?" + +"A pretty woman?" repeated Garth, amazed: "Good heavens, no! +Handsome? Beautiful? Well you have me there, for, 'pon my honour, I +don't know." + +"I mean, would you have wished to paint her?" "I HAVE painted her," +said Garth very low, a moving tenderness in his voice; "and my two +paintings of her, though done in sadness and done from memory, are +the most beautiful work I ever produced. No eye but my own has ever +seen them, and now none ever will see them, excepting those of one +whom I must perforce trust to find them for me, and bring them to me +for destruction." + +"And that will be--?" queried the doctor. + +"Nurse Rosemary Gray," said Garth. + +The doctor kicked the pine log, and the flames darted up merrily. +"You have chosen well," he said, and had to make a conscious effort +to keep the mirth in his face from passing into his voice. "Nurse +Rosemary will be discreet. Very good. Then we may take it the One +Woman was beautiful?" + +But Garth looked perplexed. "I do not know," he answered slowly. "I +cannot see her through the eyes of others. My vision of her, in that +illuminating moment, followed the inspired order of things,--spirit, +soul, and body. Her spirit was so pure and perfect, her soul so +beautiful, noble, and womanly, that the body which clothed soul and +spirit partook of their perfection and became unutterably dear." + +"I see," said the doctor, very gently. "Yes, you dear fellow, I +see." (Oh, Jane, Jane! You were blind, without a bandage, in those +days!) + +"Several glorious days went by," continued Garth. "I realise now +that I was living in the glow of my own certainty that she was the +One Woman. It was so clear and sweet and wonderful to me, that I +never dreamed of it not being equally clear to her. We did a lot of +music together for pure enjoyment; we talked of other people for the +fun of it; we enjoyed and appreciated each other's views and +opinions; but we did not talk of ourselves, because we KNEW, at +least _I_ knew, and, before God, I thought she did. Every time I saw +her she seemed more grand and perfect. I held the golden key to +trifling matters not understood before. We young fellows, who all +admired her, used nevertheless to joke a bit about her wearing +collars and stocks, top boots and short skirts; whacking her leg +with a riding-whip, and stirring the fire with her toe. But after +that evening, I understood all this to be a sort of fence behind +which she hid her exquisite womanliness, because it was of a deeper +quality than any man looking upon the mere surface of her had ever +fathomed or understood. And when she came trailing down in the +evening, in something rich and clinging and black, with lots of soft +old lace covering her bosom and moving with the beating of her great +tender heart; ah, then my soul rejoiced and my eyes took their fill +of delight! I saw her, as all day long I had known her to be,-- +perfect in her proud, sweet womanliness." + +"Is he really unconscious," thought the doctor, "of how unmistakable +a word-picture of Jane he is painting?" + +"Very soon," continued Garth, "we had three days apart, and then met +again at another house, in a weekend party. One of the season's +beauties was there, with whom my name was being freely coupled, and +something she said on that subject, combined with the fearful +blankness of those three interminable days, made me resolve to speak +without delay. I asked her to come out on to the terrace that +evening. We were alone. It was a moonlight night." + +A long silence. The doctor did not break it. He knew his friend was +going over in his mind all those things of which a man does not +speak to another man. + +At last Garth said simply, "I told her." + +No comment from the doctor, who was vividly reminded of Jane's +"Then--it happened," when SHE had reached this point in the story. +After a few moments of further silence, steeped in the silver +moonlight of reminiscence for Garth; occupied by the doctor in a +rapid piecing in of Jane's version; the sad young voice continued: + +"I thought she understood completely. Afterwards I knew she had not +understood at all. Her actions led me to believe I was accepted, +taken into her great love, even as she was wrapped around by mine. +Not through fault of hers,--ah, no; she was blameless throughout; +but because she did not, could not, understand. what any touch of +hers must mean to me. In her dear life, there had never been another +man; that much I knew by unerring instinct and by her own admission. +I have sometimes thought that she may have had an ideal in her +girlish days, against whom, in after years, she measured others, +and, finding them come short, held them at arm's length. But, if I +am right in this surmise, he must have been a blind fool, +unconscious of the priceless love which might have been his, had he +tried to win it. For I am certain that, until that night, no man's +love had ever flamed about her; she had never felt herself enveloped +in a cry which was all one passionate, in-articulate, inexplicable, +boundless need of herself. While I thought she understood and +responded,--Heaven knows I DID think it,--she did not in the least +understand, and was only trying to be sympathetic and kind." + +The doctor stirred in his chair, slowly crossed one leg over the +other, and looked searchingly into the blind face. He was finding +these confidences of the "other man" more trying than he had +expected. + +"Are you sure of that?" he asked rather huskily. + +"Quite sure," said Garth. "Listen. I called her--what she was to me +just then, what I wanted her to be always, what she is forever, so +far as my part goes, and will be till death and beyond. That one +word,--no, there were two,--those two words made her understand. I +see that now. She rose at once and put me from her. She said I must +give her twelve hours for quiet thought, and she would come to me in +the village church next morning with her answer. Brand, you may +think me a fool; you cannot think me a more egregious ass than I now +think myself; but I was absolutely certain she was mine; so sure +that, when she came, and we were alone together in the house of God, +instead of going to her with the anxious haste of suppliant and +lover, I called her to me at the chancel step as if I were indeed +her husband and had the right to bid her come. She came, and, just +as a sweet formality before taking her to me, I asked for her +answer. It was this: 'I cannot marry a mere boy.'" + +Garth's voice choked in his throat on the last word. His head was +bowed in his hands. He had reached the point where most things +stopped for him; where all things had ceased forever to be as they +were before. + +The room seemed strangely silent. The eager voice had poured out +into it such a flow of love and hope and longing; such a revealing +of a soul in which the true love of beauty had created perpetual +youth; of a heart held free by high ideals from all playing with +lesser loves, but rising to volcanic force and height when the true +love was found at last. + +The doctor shivered at that anticlimax, as if the chill of an empty +church were in his bones. He knew how far worse it had been than +Garth had told. He knew of the cruel, humiliating question: "How old +are you?" Jane had confessed to it. He knew how the outward glow of +adoring love had faded as the mind was suddenly turned inward to +self-contemplation. He had known it all as abstract fact. Now he saw +it actually before him. He saw Jane's stricken lover, bowed beside +him in his blindness, living again through those sights and sounds +which no merciful curtain of oblivion could ever hide or veil. + +The doctor had his faults, but they were not Peter's. He never, +under any circumstances, spoke BECAUSE he wist not what to say. + +He leaned forward and laid a hand very tenderly on Garth's shoulder. +"Poor chap," he said. "Ah, poor old chap." + +And for a long while they sat thus in silence. + + + + +CHAPTER XXV + +THE DOCTOR'S DIAGNOSIS + + +"So you expressed no opinion? explained nothing? let him go on +believing that? Oh, Dicky! And you might have said so much!" + +In the quiet of the Scotch Sabbath morning, Jane and the doctor had +climbed the winding path from the end of the terrace, which +zigzagged up to a clearing amongst the pines. Two fallen trees at a +short distance from each other provided convenient seats in full +sunshine, facing a glorious view,--down into the glen, across the +valley, and away to the purple hills beyond. The doctor had guided +Jane to the sunnier of the two trunks, and seated himself beside +her. Then he had quietly recounted practically the whole of the +conversation of the previous evening. + +"I expressed no opinion. I explained nothing. I let him continue to +believe what he believes; because it is the only way to keep you on +the pinnacle where he has placed you. Let any other reason for your +conduct than an almost infantine ignorance of men and things be +suggested and accepted, and down you will come, my poor Jane, and +great will be the fall. Mine shall not be the hand thus to hurl you +headlong. As you say, I might have said so much, but I might also +have lived to regret it." + +"I should fall into his arms," said Jane recklessly, "and I would +sooner be there than on a pinnacle." + +"Excuse me, my good girl," replied the doctor. "It is more likely +you would fall into the first express going south. In fact, I am not +certain you would wait for an express. I can almost see the +Honourable Jane quitting yonder little railway station, seated in an +empty coal-truck. No! Don't start up and attempt to stride about +among the pine needles," continued the doctor, pulling Jane down +beside him again. "You will only trip over a fir cone and go +headlong into the valley. It is no use forestalling the inevitable +fall." + +"Oh, Dicky," sighed Jane, putting her hand through his arm; and +leaning her bandaged eyes against the rough tweed of his shoulder; +"I don't know what has come to you to-day. You are not kind to me. +You have harrowed my poor soul by repeating all Garth said last +night; and, thanks to that terribly good memory of yours, you have +reproduced the tones of his voice in every inflection. And then, +instead of comforting me, you leave me entirely in the wrong, and +completely in the lurch." + +"In the wrong--yes," said Deryck; "in the lurch--no. I did not say I +would do nothing to-day. I only said I could do nothing last night. +You cannot take up a wounded thing and turn it about and analyse it. +When we bade each other good-night, I told him I would think the +matter over and give him my opinion to-day. I will tell you what has +happened to me if you like. I have looked into the inmost recesses +of a very rare and beautiful nature, and I have seen what havoc a +woman can work in the life of the man who loves her. I can assure +you, last night was no pastime. I woke this morning feeling as if I +had, metaphorically, been beaten black and blue." + +"Then what do you suppose _I_ feel?" inquired Jane pathetically. + +"You still feel yourself in the right--partly," replied Deryck. "And +so long as you think you have a particle of justification and cling +to it, your case is hopeless. It will have to be: 'I confess. Can +you forgive?'" + +"But I acted for the best," said Jane. "I thought of him before I +thought of myself. It would have been far easier to have accepted +the happiness of the moment, and chanced the future." + +"That is not honest, Jeanette. You thought of yourself first. You +dared not face the possibility of the pain to you if his love cooled +or his admiration waned. When one comes to think of it, I believe +every form of human love--a mother's only excepted--is primarily +selfish. The best chance for Dalmain is that his helpless blindness +may awaken the mother love in you. Then self will go to the wall." + +"Ah me!" sighed Jane. "I am lost and weary and perplexed in this +bewildering darkness. Nothing seems clear; nothing seems right. If I +could see your kind eyes, Boy, your hard voice would hurt less." + +"Well, take off the bandage and look," said the doctor. + +"I will not!" cried Jane furiously. "Have I gone through all this to +fail at the last?" + +"My dear girl, this self-imposed darkness is getting on your nerves. +Take care it does not do more harm than good. Strong remedies--" + +"Hush!" whispered Jane. "I hear footsteps." + +"You can always hear footsteps in a wood if you hearken for them," +said the doctor; but he spoke low, and then sat quiet, listening. + +"I hear Garth's step," whispered Jane. "Oh, Dicky, go to the edge +and look over. You can see the windings of the path below." + +The doctor stepped forward quietly and looked down upon the way they +had ascended. Then he came back to Jane. + +"Yes," he said. "Fortune favours us. Dalmain is coming up the path +with Simpson. He will be here in two minutes." + +"Fortune favours us? My dear Dicky! Of all mis-chances!" Jane's hand +flew to her bandage, but the doctor stayed her just in time. + +"Not at all," he said. "And do not fail at the last in your +experiment. I ought to be able to keep you two blind people apart. +Trust me, and keep dark--I mean, sit still. And can you not +understand why I said fortune favours us? Dalmain is coming for my +opinion on the case. You shall hear it together. It will be a saving +of time for me, and most enlightening for you to mark how he takes +it. Now keep quiet. I promise he shall not sit on your lap. But if +you make a sound, I shall have to say you are a bunny or a squirrel, +and throw fir cones at you." + +The doctor rose and sauntered round the bend of the path. + +Jane sat on in darkness. + +"Hullo, Dalmain," she heard Deryck say. "Found your way up here? An +ideal spot. Shall we dispense with Simpson? Take my arm." + +"Yes," replied Garth. "I was told you were up here, Brand, and +followed you." + +They came round the bend together, and out into the clearing. + +"Are you alone?" asked Garth standing still. "I thought I heard +voices." + +"You did," replied the doctor. "I was talking to a young woman." + +"What sort of young woman?" asked Garth. + +"A buxom young person," replied the doctor, "with a decidedly touchy +temper." + +"Do you know her name?" + +"Jane," said the doctor recklessly. + +"Not 'Jane,'" said Garth quickly,--"Jean. I know her,--my gardener's +eldest daughter. Rather weighed down by family cares, poor girl." + +"I saw she was weighed down," said the doctor. "I did not know it +was by family cares. Let us sit on this trunk. Can you call up the +view to mind?" + +"Yes," replied Garth; "I know it so well. But it terrifies me to +find how my mental pictures are fading; all but one." + +"And that is--?" asked the doctor. + +"The face of the One Woman," said Garth in his blindness. + +"Ah, my dear fellow," said the doctor, "I have not forgotten my +promise to give you this morning my opinion on your story. I have +been thinking it over carefully, and have arrived at several +conclusions. Shall we sit on this fallen tree? Won't you smoke? One +can talk better under the influence of the fragrant weed." + +Garth took out his cigarette case, chose a cigarette, lighted it +with care, and flung the flaming match straight on to Jane's clasped +hands. + +Before the doctor could spring up, Jane had smilingly flicked it +off. + +"What nerve!" thought Deryck, with admiration. "Ninety-nine women +out of a hundred would have said 'Ah!' and given away the show. +Really, she deserves to win." + +Suddenly Garth stood up. "I think we shall do better on the other +log," he said unexpectedly. "It is always in fuller sunshine." And +he moved towards Jane. + +With a bound the doctor sprang in front of him, seized Jane with one +strong hand and drew her behind him; then guided Garth to the very +spot where she had been sitting. + +"How accurately you judge distance," he remarked, backing with Jane +towards the further trunk. Then he seated himself beside Garth in +the sunshine. "Now for our talk," said the doctor, and he said it +rather breathlessly. + +"Are you sure we are alone?" asked Garth. "I seem conscious of +another presence." + +"My dear fellow," said the doctor, "is one ever alone in a wood? +Countless little presences surround us. Bright eyes peep down from +the branches; furry tails flick in and out of holes; things unseen +move in the dead leaves at our feet. If you seek solitude, shun the +woods." + +"Yes," replied Garth, "I know, and I love listening to them. I meant +a human presence. Brand, I am often so tried by the sense of an +unseen human presence near me. Do you know, I could have sworn the +other day that she--the One Woman--came silently, looked upon me in +my blindness, pitied me, as her great tender heart would do, and +silently departed." + +"When was that?" asked the doctor. + +"A few days ago. Dr. Rob had been telling us how he came across her +in--Ah! I must not say where. Then he and Miss Gray left me alone, +and in the lonely darkness and silence I felt her eyes upon me." + +"Dear boy," said the doctor, "you must not encourage this dread of +unseen presences. Remember, those who care for us very truly and +deeply can often make us conscious of their mental nearness, even +when far away, especially if they know we are in trouble and needing +them. You must not be surprised if you are often conscious of the +nearness of the One Woman, for I believe--and I do not say it +lightly, Dalmain--I believe her whole heart and love and life are +yours." + +"Good Lord!" exclaimed Garth, and springing up, strode forward +aimlessly. + +The doctor caught him by the arm. In another moment he would have +fallen over Jane's feet. + +"Sit down, man," said the doctor, "and listen to me. You gain +nothing by dashing about in the dark in that way. I am going to +prove my words. But you must give me your calm attention. Now +listen. We are confronted in this case by a psychological problem, +and one which very likely has not occurred to you. I want you for a +moment to picture the One Man and the One Woman facing each other in +the Garden of Eden, or in the moonlight--wherever it was--if you +like better. Now will you realise this? The effect upon a man of +falling in love is to create in him a complete unconsciousness of +self. On the other hand, the effect upon a woman of being loved and +sought, and of responding to that love and seeking, is an accession +of intense self-consciousness. He, longing to win and take, thinks +of her only. She, called upon to yield and give, has her mind turned +at once upon herself. Can she meet his need? Is she all he thinks +her? Will she be able to content him completely, not only now but in +the long vista of years to come? The more natural and unconscious of +self she had been before, the harder she would be hit by this +sudden, overwhelming attack of self-consciousness." + +The doctor glanced at Jane on the log six yards away. She had lifted +her clasped hands and was nodding towards him, her face radiant with +relief and thankfulness. + +He felt he was on the right tack. But the blind face beside him +clouded heavily, and the cloud deepened as he proceeded. + +"You see, my dear chap, I gathered from yourself she was not of the +type of feminine loveliness you were known to admire. Might she not +have feared that her appearance would, after a while, have failed to +content you?" + +"No," replied Garth with absolutely finality of tone. "Such a +suggestion is unworthy. Besides, had the idea by any possibility +entered her mind, she would only have had to question me on the +point. My decision would have been final; my answer would have fully +reassured her." + +"Love is blind," quoted the doctor quietly. + +"They lie who say so," cried Garth violently. "Love is so far-seeing +that it sees beneath the surface and delights in beauties unseen by +other eyes." + +"Then you do not accept my theory?" asked the doctor. + +"Not as an explanation of my own trouble," answered Garth; "because +I know the greatness of her nature would have lifted her far above +such a consideration. But I do indeed agree as to the complete +oblivion to self of the man in love. How else could we ever venture +to suggest to a woman that she should marry us? Ah, Brand, when one +thinks of it, the intrusion into her privacy; the asking the right +to touch, even her hand, at will; it could not be done unless the +love of her and the thought of her had swept away all thoughts of +self. Looking back upon that time I remember how completely it was +so with me. And when she said to me in the church: 'How old are +you?'--ah, I did not tell you that last night--the revulsion of +feeling brought about by being turned at that moment in upon myself +was so great, that my joy seemed to shrivel and die in horror at my +own unworthiness." + +Silence in the wood. The doctor felt he was playing a losing game. +He dared not look at the silent figure opposite. At last he spoke. + +"Dalmain, there are two possible solutions to your problem. Do you +think it was a case of Eve holding back in virginal shyness, +expecting Adam to pursue?" + +"Ah, no," said Garth emphatically. "We had gone far beyond all that. +Nor could you suggest it, did you know her. She is too honest, too +absolutely straight and true, to have deceived me. Besides, had it +been so, in all these lonely years, when she found I made no sign, +she would have sent me word of what she really meant." + +"Should you have gone to her then?" asked the doctor. + +"Yes," said Garth slowly. "I should have gone and I should have +forgiven--because she is my own. But it could never have been the +same. It would have been unworthy of us both." + +"Well," continued the doctor, "the other solution remains. You have +admitted that the One Woman came somewhat short of the conventional +standard of beauty. Your love of loveliness was so well known. Do +you not think, during the long hours of that night,--remember how +new it was to her to be so worshipped and wanted,--do you not think +her courage failed her? She feared she might come short of what +eventually you would need in the face and figure always opposite you +at your table; and, despite her own great love and yours, she +thought it wisest to avoid future disillusion by rejecting present +joy. Her very love for you would have armed her to this decision." + +The silent figure opposite nodded, and waited with clasped hands. +Deryck was pleading her cause better than she could have pleaded it +herself. + +Silence in the woods. All nature seemed to hush and listen for the +answer. + +Then:--"No," said Garth's young voice unhesitatingly. "In that case +she would have told me her fear, and I should have reassured her +immediately. Your suggestion is unworthy of my beloved." + +The wind sighed in the trees. A cloud passed before the sun. The two +who sat in darkness, shivered and were silent. + +Then the doctor spoke. "My dear boy," he said, and a deep tenderness +was in his voice: "I must maintain my unalterable belief that to the +One Woman you are still the One Man. In your blindness her rightful +place is by your side. Perhaps even now she is yearning to be here. +Will you tell me her name, and give me leave to seek her out, hear +from herself her version of the story; and, if it be as I think, +bring her to you, to prove, in your affliction, her love and +tenderness?" + +"Never!" said Garth. "Never, while life shall last! Can you not see +that if when I had sight, and fame, and all heart could desire, I +could not win her love, what she might feel for me now, in my +helpless blindness, could be but pity? And pity from her I could +never accept. If I was 'a mere boy' three years ago, I am 'a mere +blind man' now, an object for kind commiseration. If indeed you are +right, and she mistrusted my love and my fidelity, it is now out of +my power forever to prove her wrong and to prove myself faithful. +But I will not allow the vision of my beloved to be dimmed by these +suggestions. For her completion, she needed so much more than I +could give. She refused me because I was not fully worthy. I prefer +it should be so. Let us leave it at that." + +"It leaves you to loneliness," said the doctor sadly. + +"I prefer loneliness," replied Garth's young voice, "to disillusion. +Hark! I hear the first gong, Brand. Margery will be grieved if we +keep her Sunday dishes waiting." + +He stood up and turned his sightless face towards the view. + +"Ah, how well I know it," he said. "When Miss Gray and I sit up +here, she tells me all she sees, and I tell her what she does not +see, but what I know is there. She is keen on art, and on most of +the things I care about. I must ask for an arm, Brand, though the +path is wide and good. I cannot risk a tumble. I have come one or +two awful croppers, and I promised Miss Gray--The path is wide. Yes, +we can walk two abreast, three abreast if necessary. It is well we +had this good path made. It used to be a steep scramble." + +"Three abreast," said the doctor. "So we could--if necessary." He +stepped back and raised Jane from her seat, drawing her cold hand +through his left arm. "Now, my dear fellow, my right arm will suit +you best; then you can keep your stick in your right hand." + +And thus they started down through the wood, on that lovely Sabbath +morn of early summer; and the doctor walked erect between those two +severed hearts, uniting, and yet dividing them. + +Just once Garth paused and listened. "I seem to hear another +footstep," he said, "besides yours and mine." + +"The wood is full of footsteps," said the doctor, "just as the heart +is full of echoes. If you stand still and listen you can hear what +you will in either." + +"Then let us not stand still," said Garth, "for in old days, if I +was late for lunch, Margery used to spank me." + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI + +HEARTS MEET IN SIGHTLESS LAND + + +"It will be absolutely impossible, Miss Gray, for me ever to tell +you what I think of this that you have done for my sake." + +Garth stood at the open library window. The morning sunlight poured +into the room. The air was fragrant with the scent of flowers, +resonant with the songs of birds. As he stood there in the sunshine, +a new look of strength and hopefulness was apparent in every line of +his erect figure. He held out eager hands towards Nurse Rosemary, +but more as an expression of the outgoing of his appreciation and +gratitude than with any expectation of responsive hands being placed +within them. + +"And here was I, picturing you having a gay weekend, and wondering +where, and who your friends in this neighbourhood could be. And all +the while you were sitting blindfold in the room over my head. Ah, +the goodness of it is beyond words! But did you not feel somewhat of +a deceiver, Miss Gray?" + +She always felt that--poor Jane. So she readily answered: "Yes. And +yet I told you I was not going far. And my friends in the +neighbourhood were Simpson and Margery, who aided and abetted. And +it was true to say I was going, for was I not going into darkness? +and it is a different world from the land of light." + +"Ah, how true that is!" cried Garth. "And how difficult to make +people understand the loneliness of it, and how they seem suddenly +to arrive close to one from another world; stooping from some +distant planet, with sympathetic voice and friendly touch; and then +away they go to another sphere, leaving one to the immensity of +solitude in Sightless Land." + +"Yes," agreed Nurse Rosemary, "and you almost dread the coming, +because the going makes the darkness darker, and the loneliness more +lonely." + +"Ah, so YOU experienced that?" said Garth. "Do you know, now you +have week-ended in Sightless Land, I shall not feel it such a place +of solitude. At every turn I shall be able to say:--'A dear and +faithful friend has been here.'" + +He laughed a laugh of such almost boyish pleasure, that all the +mother in Jane's love rose up and demanded of her one supreme +effort. She looked at the slight figure in white flannels, leaning +against the window frame, so manly, so beautiful still, and yet so +helpless and so needing the wealth of tenderness which was hers to +give. Then, standing facing him, she opened her arms, as if the +great preparedness of that place of rest, so close to him must, +magnet-like, draw him to her; and standing thus in the sunlight, +Jane spoke. + +Was she beautiful? Was she paintable? Would a man grow weary of such +a look turned on him, of such arms held out? Alas! Too late! On that +point no lover shall ever be able to pass judgment. That look is for +one man alone. He only will ever bring it to that loving face. And +he cannot pronounce upon its beauty in voice of rapturous content. +He cannot judge. He cannot see. He is blind! + +"Mr. Dalmain, there are many smaller details; but before we talk of +those I want to tell you the greatest of all the lessons I learned +in Sightless Land." Then, conscious that her emotion was producing +in her voice a resonant depth which might remind him too vividly of +notes in The Rosary, she paused, and resumed in the high, soft +edition of her own voice which it had become second nature to her to +use as Nurse Rosemary: "Mr. Dalmain, it seems to me I learned to +understand how that which is loneliness unspeakable to ONE might be +Paradise of a very perfect kind for TWO. I realised that there might +be circumstances in which the dark would become a very wonderful +meeting-place for souls. If I loved a man who lost his sight, I +should be glad to have mine in order to be eyes for him when eyes +were needed; just as, were I rich and he poor, I should value my +money simply as a thing which might be useful to him. But I know the +daylight would often be a trial to me, because it would be something +he could not share; and when evening came, I should long to say: +'Let us put out the lights and shut away the moonlight and sit +together in the sweet soft darkness, which is more uniting than the +light.'" + +While Jane was speaking, Garth paled as he listened, and his face +grew strangely set. Then, as if under a reaction of feeling, a +boyish flush spread to the very roots of his hair. He visibly shrank +from the voice which was saying these things to him. He fumbled with +his right hand for the orange cord which would guide him to his +chair. + +"Nurse Rosemary," he said, and at the tone of his voice Jane's +outstretched arms dropped to her sides; "it is kind of you to tell +me all these beautiful thoughts which came to you in the darkness. +But I hope the man who is happy enough to possess your love, or who +is going to be fortunate enough to win it, will neither be so +unhappy nor so unfortunate as to lose his sight. It will be better +for him to live with you in the light, than to be called upon to +prove the kind way in which you would be willing to adapt yourself +to his darkness. How about opening our letters?" He slipped his hand +along the orange cord and walked over to his chair. + +Then, with a sense of unutterable dismay, Jane saw what she had +done. She had completely forgotten Nurse Rosemary, using her only as +a means of awakening in Garth an understanding of how much her-- +Jane's--love might mean to him in his blindness. She had forgotten +that, to Garth, Nurse Rosemary's was the only personality which +counted in this conversation; she, who had just given him such a +proof of her interest and devotion. And--O poor dear Garth! O bold, +brazen Nurse Rosemary!--he very naturally concluded she was making +love to him. Jane felt herself between Scylla and Charybdis, and she +took a very prompt and characteristic plunge. + +She came across to her place on the other side of the small table +and sat down. "I believe it was the thought of him made me realise +this," she said; "but just now I and my young man have fallen out. +He does not even know I am here." + +Garth unbent at once, and again that boyish heightening of colour +indicated his sense of shame at what he had imagined. + +"Ah, Miss Gray," he said eagerly, "you will not think it impertinent +or intrusive on my part, but do you know I have wondered sometimes +whether there was a happy man." + +Nurse Rosemary laughed. "Well, we can't call him a happy man just +now," she said, "so far as his thoughts of me are concerned. My +whole heart is his, if he could only be brought to believe it. But a +misunderstanding has grown up between us,--my fault entirely,--and +he will not allow me to put it right." + +"What a fool!" cried Garth. "Are you and he engaged?" + +Nurse Rosemary hesitated. "Well--not exactly engaged," she said, +"though it practically amounts to that. Neither of us would give a +thought to any one else." + +Garth knew there was a class of people whose preliminary step to +marriage was called "keeping company," a stage above the housemaid's +"walking out," both expressions being exactly descriptive of the +circumstances of the case; for, whereas pretty Phyllis and her swain +go walking out of an evening in byways and between hedges, or along +pavements and into the parks,--these keep each other company in the +parlours and arbours of their respective friends and relations. Yet, +somehow, Garth had never thought of Nurse Rosemary as belonging to +any other class than his own. Perhaps this ass of a fellow, whom he +already cordially disliked, came of a lower stratum; or perhaps the +rules of her nursing guild forbade a definite engagement, but +allowed "an understanding." Anyway the fact remained that the kind- +hearted, clever, delightful little lady, who had done so much for +him, had "a young man" of her own; and this admitted fact lifted a +weight from Garth's mind. He had been so afraid lately of not being +quite honest with her and with himself. She had become so necessary +to him, nay, so essential, and by her skill and devotion had won so +deep a place in his gratitude. Their relation was of so intimate a +nature, their companionship so close and continuous; and into this +rather ideal state of things had heavily trodden Dr. Rob the other +day with a suggestion. Garth, alone with him, bad been explaining +how indispensable Miss Gray had become to his happiness and comfort, +and how much he dreaded a recall from her matron. + +"I fear they do not let them go on indefinitely at one case; but +perhaps Sir Deryck can arrange that this should be an exception," +said Garth. + +"Oh, hang the matron, and blow Sir Deryck," said Dr. Rob breezily. +"If you want her as a permanency, make sure of her. Marry her, my +boy! I'll warrant she'd have you!" + +Thus trod Dr. Rob, with heavily nailed boots, upon the bare toes of +a delicate situation. + +Garth tried to put the suggestion out of his mind and failed. He +began to notice thoughts and plans of Nurse Rosemary's for his +benefit, which so far exceeded her professional duties that it +seemed as if there must be behind them the promptings of a more +tender interest. He put the thought away again and again, calling +Dr. Rob an old fool, and himself a conceited ass. But again and +again there came about him, with Nurse Rosemary's presence, the +subtile surrounding atmosphere of a watchful love. + +Then, one night, he faced and fought a great temptation. + +After all why should he not do as Dr. Rob suggested? Why not marry +this charming, capable, devoted nurse, and have her constantly about +him in his blindness? SHE did not consider him "a mere boy." . . . +What had he to offer her? A beautiful home, every luxury, abundant +wealth, a companionship she seemed to find congenial . . . But then +the Tempter overreached himself, for he whispered: "And the voice +would be always Jane's. You have never seen the nurse's face; you +never will see it. You can go on putting to the voice the face and +form you adore. You can marry the little nurse, and go on loving +Jane." . . . Then Garth cried out in horror: "Avaunt, Satan!" and +the battle was won. + +But it troubled his mind lest by any chance her peace of heart +should be disturbed through him. So it was with relief, and yet with +an unreasonable smouldering jealousy, that he heard of the young man +to whom she was devoted. And now it appeared she was unhappy through +her young man, just as he was unhappy through--no, because of--Jane. + +A sudden impulse came over him to do away forever with the thought +which in his own mind had lately come between them, and to establish +their intimacy on an even closer and firmer basis, by being +absolutely frank with her on the matter. + +"Miss Gray," he said, leaning towards her with that delightful smile +of boyish candour which many women had found irresistible, "it is +good of you to have told me about yourself; and, although I confess +to feeling unreasonably jealous of the fortunate fellow who +possesses your whole heart, I am glad he exists, because we all miss +something unless we have in our lives the wonderful experience of +the One Woman or the One Man. And I want to tell you something, dear +sweet friend of mine, which closely touches you and me; only, before +I do so, put your hand in mine, that I may realise you in a closer +intimacy than heretofore. You, who have been in Sightless Land, know +how much a hand clasp means down here." + +Garth stretched his hand across the table, and his whole attitude +was tense with expectation. + +"I cannot do that, Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, in a voice +which shook a little. "I have burned my hands. Oh, not seriously. Do +not look so distressed. Just a lighted match. Yes; while I was +blind. Now tell me the thing which touches you and me." + +Garth withdrew his hand and clasped both around his knee. He leaned +back in his chair, his face turned upwards. There was upon it an +expression so pure, the exaltation of a spirit so lifted above the +temptations of the lower nature, that Jane's eyes filled with tears +as she looked at him. She realised what his love for her, +supplemented by the discipline of suffering, had done for her lover. + +He began to speak softly, not turning towards her. "Tell me," he +said, "is he--very much to you?" + +Jane's eyes could not leave the dear face and figure in the chair. +Jane's emotion trembled in Nurse Rosemary's voice. + +"He is all the world to me," she said. + +"Does he love you as you deserve to be loved?" + +Jane bent and laid her lips on the table where his outstretched hand +had rested. Then Nurse Rosemary answered: "He loved me far, FAR more +than I ever deserved." + +"Why do you say 'loved'? Is not 'loves' the truer tense?" + +"Alas, no!" said Nurse Rosemary, brokenly; "for I fear I have lost +his love by my own mistrust of it and my own wrong-doing." + +"Never!" said Garth. "'Love never faileth.' It may for a time appear +to be dead, even buried. But the Easter morn soon dawns, and lo, +Love ariseth! Love grieved, is like a bird with wet wings. It cannot +fly; it cannot rise. It hops about upon the ground, chirping +anxiously. But every flutter shakes away more drops; every moment in +the sunshine is drying the tiny feathers; and very soon it soars to +the tree top, all the better for the bath, which seemed to have +robbed it of the power to rise." + +"Ah,--if my beloved could but dry his wings," murmured Nurse +Rosemary. "But I fear I did more than wet them. I clipped them. +Worse still,--I broke them." + +"Does he know you feel yourself so in the wrong?" Garth asked the +question very gently. + +"No," replied Nurse Rosemary. "He will give me no chance to explain, +and no opportunity to tell him how he wrongs himself and me by the +view he now takes of my conduct." + +"Poor girl!" said Garth in tones of sympathy and comprehension. "My +own experience has been such a tragedy that I can feel for those +whose course of true love does not run smooth. But take my advice, +Miss Gray. Write him a full confession. Keep nothing back. Tell him +just how it all happened. Any man who truly loves would believe, +accept your explanation, and be thankful. Only, I hope he would not +come tearing up here and take you away from me!" + +Jane smiled through a mist of tears. + +"If he wanted me, Mr. Dalmain, I should have to go to him," said +Nurse Rosemary. + +"How I dread the day," continued Garth, "when you will come and say +to me: 'I have to go.' And, do you know, I have sometimes thought-- +you have done so much for me and become so much to me--I have +sometimes thought--I can tell you frankly now--it might have seemed +as if there were a very obvious way to try to keep you always. You +are so immensely worthy of all a man could offer, of all the +devotion a man could give. And because, to one so worthy, I never +could have offered less than the best, I want to tell you that in my +heart I hold shrined forever one beloved face. All others are +gradually fading. Now, in my blindness, I can hardly recall clearly +the many lovely faces I have painted and admired. All are more or +less blurred and indistinct. But this one face grows clearer, thank +God, as the darkness deepens. It will be with me through life, I +shall see it in death, THE FACE OF THE WOMAN I LOVE. You said +'loved' of your lover, hesitating to be sure of his present state of +heart. I can neither say 'love' nor 'loved' of my beloved. She never +loved me. But I love her with a love which makes it impossible for +me to have any 'best' to offer to another woman. If I could bring +myself, from unworthy motives and selfish desires, to ask another to +wed me, I should do her an untold wrong. For her unseen face would +be nothing to me; always that one and only face would be shining in +my darkness. Her voice would be dear, only in so far as it reminded +me of the voice of the woman I love. Dear friend, if you ever pray +for me, pray that I may never be so base as to offer to any woman +such a husk as marriage with me would mean." + +"But--" said Nurse Rosemary. "She--she who has made it a husk for +others; she who might have the finest of the wheat, the full corn in +the ear, herself?" + +"She," said Garth, "has refused it. It was neither fine enough nor +full enough. It was not worthy. O my God, little girl--! What it +means, to appear inadequate to the woman one loves!" + +Garth dropped his face between his hands with a groan. + +Silence unbroken reigned in the library. + +Suddenly Garth began to speak, low and quickly, without lifting his +head. + +"Now," he said, "now I feel it, just as I told Brand, and never so +clearly before, excepting once, when I was alone. Ah, Miss Gray! +Don't move! Don't stir! But look all round the room and tell me +whether you see anything. Look at the window. Look at the door. Lean +forward and look behind the screen. I cannot believe we are alone. I +will not believe it. I am being deceived in my blindness. And yet--I +am NOT deceived. I am conscious of the presence of the woman I love. +Her eyes are fixed upon me in pity, sorrow, and compassion. Her +grief at my woe is so great that it almost enfolds me, as I had +dreamed her love would do . . . O my God! She is so near--and it is +so terrible, because I do not wish her near. I would sooner a +thousand miles were between us--and I am certain there are not +many yards! . . . Is it psychic? or is it actual? or am I going +mad? . . . Miss Gray! YOU would not lie to me. No persuasion or +bribery or confounded chicanery could induce YOU to deceive me on +this point. Look around, for God's sake, and tell me! Are we alone? +And if not, WHO IS IN THE ROOM besides you and me?" + +Jane had been sitting with her arms folded upon the table, her +yearning eyes fixed upon Garth's bowed head. When he wished her a +thousand miles away she buried her face upon them. She was so near +him that had Garth stretched out his right hand again, it would have +touched the heavy coils of her soft hair. But Garth did not raise +his head, and Jane still sat with her face buried. + +There was silence in the library for a few moments after Garth's +question and appeal. Then Jane lifted her face. + +"There is no one in the room, Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, +"but YOU--and ME." + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII + +THE EYES GARTH TRUSTED + + +"So you enjoy motoring, Miss Gray?" + +They had been out in the motor together for the first time, and were +now having tea together in the library, also for the first time; +and, for the first time, Nurse Rosemary was pouring out for her +patient. This was only Monday afternoon, and already her week-end +experience had won for her many new privileges. + +"Yes, I like it, Mr. Dalmain; particularly in this beautiful air." + +"Have you had a case before in a house where they kept a motor?" + +Nurse Rosemary hesitated. "Yes, I have stayed in houses where they +had motors, and I have been in Dr. Brand's. He met me at Charing +Cross once with his electric brougham." + +"Ah, I know," said Garth. "Very neat. On your way to a case, or +returning from a case?" + +Nurse Rosemary smiled, then bit her lip. "To a case," she replied +quite gravely. "I was on my way to his house to talk it over and +receive instructions." + +"It must be splendid working under such a fellow as Brand," said +Garth; "and yet I am certain most of the best things you do are +quite your own idea. For instance, he did not suggest your week-end +plan, did he? I thought not. Ah, the difference it has made! Now +tell me. When we were motoring we never slowed up suddenly to pass +anything, or tooted to make something move out of the way, without +your having already told me what we were going to pass or what was +in the road a little way ahead. It was: 'We shall be passing a hay +cart at the next bend; there will be just room, but we shall have to +slow up'; or, 'An old red cow is in the very middle of the road a +little way on. I think she will move if we hoot.' Then, when the +sudden slow down and swerve came, or the toot toot of the horn, I +knew all about it and was not taken unawares. Did you know how +trying it is in blindness to be speeding along and suddenly alter +pace without having any idea why, or swerve to one side, and not +know what one has just been avoiding? This afternoon our spin was +pure pleasure, because not once did you let these things happen. I +knew all that was taking place, as soon as I should have known it +had I had my sight." + +Jane pressed her hand over her bosom. Ah, how able she was always to +fill her boy's life with pure pleasure. How little of the needless +suffering of the blind should ever be his if she won the right to be +beside him always. + +"Well, Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, "I motored to the station +with Sir Deryck yesterday afternoon, and I noticed all you describe. +I have never before felt nervous in a motor, but I realised +yesterday how largely that is owing to the fact that all the time +one keeps an unconscious look-out; measuring distances, judging +speed, and knowing what each turn of the handle means. So when we go +out you must let me be eyes to you in this." + +"How good you are!" said Garth, gratefully. "And did you see Sir +Deryck off?" + +"No. I did not SEE Sir Deryck at all. But he said good-bye, and I +felt the kind, strong grip of his hand as he left me in the car. And +I sat there and heard his train start and rush away into the +distance." + +"Was it not hard to you to let him come and go and not to see his +face?" + +Jane smiled. "Yes, it was hard," said Nurse Rosemary; "but I wished +to experience that hardness." + +"It gives one an awful blank feeling, doesn't it?" said Garth. + +"Yes. It almost makes one wish the friend had not come." + +"Ah--" There was a depth of contented comprehension in Garth's sigh; +and the brave heart, which had refused to lift the bandage to the +very last, felt more than recompensed. + +"Next time I reach the Gulf of Partings in Sightless Land," +continued Garth, "I shall say: 'A dear friend has stood here for my +sake.'" + +"Oh, and one's meals," said Nurse Rosemary laughing. "Are they not +grotesquely trying?" + +"Yes, of course; I had forgotten you would understand all that now. +I never could explain to you before why I must have my meals alone. +You know the hunt and chase?" + +"Yes," said Nurse Rosemary, "and it usually resolves itself into +'gone away,' and turns up afterwards unexpectedly! But, Mr. Dalmain, +I have thought out several ways of helping so much in that and +making it all quite easy. If you will consent to have your meals +with me at a small table, you will see how smoothly all will work. +And later on, if I am still here, when you begin to have visitors, +you must let me sit at your left, and all my little ways of helping +would be so unobtrusive, that no one would notice." + +"Oh, thanks," said Garth. "I am immensely grateful. I have often +been reminded of a silly game we used to play at Overdene, at +dessert, when we were a specially gay party. Do you know the old +Duchess of Meldrum? Or anyway, you may have heard of her? Ah, yes, +of course, Sir Deryck knows her. She called him in once to her +macaw. She did not mention the macaw on the telephone, and Sir +Deryck, thinking he was wanted for the duchess, threw up an +important engagement and went immediately. Luckily she was at her +town house. She would have sent just the same had she been at +Overdene. I wish you knew Overdene. The duchess gives perfectly +delightful 'best parties,' in which all the people who really enjoy +meeting one another find themselves together, and are well fed and +well housed and well mounted, and do exactly as they like; while the +dear old duchess tramps in and out, with her queer beasts and birds, +shedding a kindly and exciting influence wherever she goes. Last +time I was there she used to let out six Egyptian jerboas in the +drawing-room every evening after dinner, awfully jolly little +beggars, like miniature kangaroos. They used to go skipping about on +their hind legs, frightening some of the women into fits by hiding +under their gowns, and making young footmen drop trays of coffee +cups. The last importation is a toucan,--a South American bird, with +a beak like a banana, and a voice like an old sheep in despair. But +Tommy, the scarlet macaw, remains prime favourite, and I must say he +is clever and knows more than you would think." + +"Well, at Overdene we used to play a silly game at dessert with +muscatels. We each put five raisins at intervals round our plates, +then we shut our eyes and made jabs at them with forks. Whoever +succeeded first in spiking and eating all five was the winner. The +duchess never would play. She enjoyed being umpire, and screaming at +the people who peeped. Miss Champion and I--she is the duchess's +niece, you know--always played fair, and we nearly always made a +dead heat of it." + +"Yes," said Nurse Rosemary, "I know that game. I thought of it at +once when I had my blindfold meals." + +"Ah," cried Garth, "had I known, I would not have let you do it!" + +"I knew that," said Nurse Rosemary. "That was why I week-ended." + +Garth passed his cup to be refilled, and leaned forward +confidentially. + +"Now," he said, "I can venture to tell you one of my minor trials. I +am always so awfully afraid of there being a FLY in things. Ever +since I was a small boy I have had such a horror of inadvertently +eating flies. When I was about six, I heard a lady visitor say to my +mother: 'Oh, one HAS to swallow a fly--about once a year! I have +just swallowed mine, on the way here!' This terrible idea of an +annual fly took possession of my small mind. I used to be thankful +when it happened, and I got it over. I remember quickly finishing a +bit of bread in which I had seen signs of legs and wings, feeling it +was an easy way of taking it and I should thus be exempt for twelve +glad months; but I had to run up and down the terrace with clenched +hands while I swallowed it. And when I discovered the fallacy of the +annual fly, I was just as particular in my dread of an accidental +one. I don't believe I ever sat down to sardines on toast at a +restaurant without looking under the toast for my bugbear, though as +I lifted it I felt rather like the old woman who always looks under +the bed for a burglar. Ah, but since the accident this foolishly +small thing HAS made me suffer! I cannot say: 'Simpson, are you sure +there is not a fly in this soup?' Simpson would say: 'No--sir; no +fly--sir,' and would cough behind his hand, and I could never ask +him again." + +Nurse Rosemary leaned forward and placed his cup where he could +reach it easily, just touching his right hand with the edge of the +saucer. "Have all your meals with me," she said, in a tone of such +complete understanding, that it was almost a caress; "and I can +promise there shall never be any flies in anything. Could you not +trust my eyes for this?" + +And Garth replied, with a happy, grateful smile: "I could trust your +kind and faithful eyes for anything. Ah! and that reminds me: I want +to intrust to them a task I could confide to no one else. Is it +twilight yet, Miss Gray, or is an hour of daylight left to us?" + +Nurse Rosemary glanced out of the window and looked at her watch. +"We ordered tea early," she said, "because we came in from our drive +quite hungry. It is not five o'clock yet, and a radiant afternoon. +The sun sets at half-past seven." + +"Then the light is good," said Garth. "Have you finished tea? The +sun will be shining in at the west window of the studio. You know my +studio at the top of the house? You fetched the studies of Lady +Brand from there. I dare say you noticed stacks of canvases in the +corners. Some are unused; some contain mere sketches or studies; +some are finished pictures. Miss Gray, among the latter are two +which I am most anxious to identify and to destroy. I made Simpson +guide me up the other day and leave me there alone. And I tried to +find them by touch; but I could not be sure, and I soon grew +hopelessly confused amongst all the canvases. I did not wish to ask +Simpson's help, because the subjects, are--well, somewhat unusual, +and if he found out I had destroyed them it might set him wondering +and talking, and one hates to awaken curiosity in a servant. I could +not fall back on Sir Deryck because he would have recognised the +portraits. The principal figure is known to him. When I painted +those pictures I never dreamed of any eye but my own seeing them. So +you, my dear and trusted secretary, are the one person to whom I can +turn. Will you do what I ask? And will you do it now?" + +Nurse Rosemary pushed back her chair. "Why of course, Mr. Dalmain. I +am here to do anything and everything you may desire; and to do it +when you desire it." + +Garth took a key from his waistcoat pocket, and laid it on the +table. "There is the studio latch-key. I think the canvases I want +are in the corner furthest from the door, behind a yellow Japanese +screen. They are large--five feet by three and a half. If they are +too cumbersome for you to bring down, lay them face to face, and +ring for Simpson. But do not leave him alone with them." + +Nurse Rosemary picked up the key, rose, and went over to the piano, +which she opened. Then she tightened the purple cord, which guided +Garth from his chair to the instrument. + +"Sit and play," she said, "while I am upstairs, doing your +commission. But just tell me one thing. You know how greatly your +work interests me. When I find the pictures, is it your wish that I +give them a mere cursory glance, just sufficient for identification; +or may I look at them, in the beautiful studio light? You can trust +me to do whichever you desire." + +The artist in Garth could not resist the wish to have his work seen +and appreciated. "You may look at them of course, if you wish," he +sail. "They are quite the best work I ever did, though I painted +them wholly from memory. That is--I mean, that used to be--a knack +of mine. And they are in no sense imaginary. I painted exactly what +I saw--at least, so far as the female face and figure are concerned. +And they make the pictures. The others are mere accessories." He +stood up, and went to the piano. His fingers began to stray softly +amongst the harmonies of the Veni. + +Nurse Rosemary moved towards the door. "How shall I know them?" she +asked, and waited. + +The chords of the Veni hushed to a murmur, Garth's voice from the +piano came clear and distinct, but blending with the harmonies as if +he were reciting to music. + +"A woman and a man . . . alone, in a garden--but the surroundings +are only indicated. She is in evening dress; soft, black, and +trailing; with lace at her breast. It is called: 'The Wife.'" + +"Yes?" + +"The same woman; the same scene; but without the man, this time. No +need to paint the man; for now--visible or invisible--to her, he is +always there. In her arms she holds"--the low murmur of chords +ceased; there was perfect silence in the room-"a little child. It is +called: 'The Mother.'" + +The Veni burst forth in an unrestrained upbearing of confident +petition: + +"Keep far our foes; give peace at home"--and the door closed behind +Nurse Rosemary. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII + +IN THE STUDIO + + +Jane mounted to the studio; unlocked the door, and, entering, closed +it after her. + +The evening sun shone through a western window, imparting an added +richness to the silk screens and hangings; the mauve wistaria of a +Japanese embroidery; or the golden dragon of China on a deep purple +ground, wound up in its own interminable tail, and showing rampant +claws in unexpected places. + +Several times already Jane had been into Garth's studio, but always +to fetch something for which he waited eagerly below; and she had +never felt free to linger. Margery had a duplicate key; for she +herself went up every day to open the windows, dust tenderly all +special treasures; and keep it exactly as its owner had liked it +kept, when his quick eyes could look around it. But this key was +always on Margery's bunch; and Jane did not like to ask admission, +and risk a possible refusal. + +Now, however, she could take her own time; and she seated herself in +one of the low and very deep wicker lounge-chairs, comfortably +upholstered; so exactly fitting her proportions, and supporting +arms, knees, and head, just rightly, that it seemed as if all other +chairs would in future appear inadequate, owing to the absolute +perfection of this one. Ah, to be just that to her beloved! To so +fully meet his need, at every point, that her presence should be to +him always a source of strength, and rest, and consolation. + +She looked around the room. It was so like Garth; every detail +perfect; every shade of colour enhancing another, and being enhanced +by it. The arrangements for regulating the light, both from roof and +windows; the easels of all kinds and sizes; clean bareness, where +space, and freedom from dust, were required; the luxurious comfort +round the fireplace, and in nooks and corners; all were so perfect. +And the plain brown wall-paper, of that beautiful quiet shade which +has in it no red, and no yellow; a clear nut-brown. On an easel near +the further window stood an unfinished painting; palette and brushes +beside it, just as Garth had left them when he went out on that +morning, nearly three months ago; and, vaulting over a gate to +protect a little animal from unnecessary pain, was plunged himself +into such utter loss and anguish. + +Jane rose, and took stock of all his quaint treasures on the +mantelpiece. Especially her mind was held and fascinated by a stout +little bear in brass, sitting solidly yet jauntily on its haunches, +its front paws clasping a brazen pole; its head turned sideways; its +small, beady, eyes, looking straight before it. The chain, from its +neck to the pole denoted captivity and possible fierceness. Jane had +no doubt its head would lift, and its body prove a receptacle for +matches; but she felt equally certain that, should she lift its head +and look, no matches would be within it. This little bear was +unmistakably Early Victorian; a friend of childhood's days; and +would not be put to common uses. She lifted the head. The body was +empty. She replaced it gently on the mantelpiece, and realised that +she was deliberately postponing an ordeal which must be faced. + +Deryck had told her of Garth's pictures of the One Woman. Garth, +himself, had now told her even more. But the time had come when she +must see them for herself. It was useless to postpone the moment. +She looked towards the yellow screen. + +Then she walked, over to the western window, and threw it wide open. +The sun was dipping gently towards the purple hills. The deep blue +of the sky began to pale, as a hint of lovely rose crept into it. +Jane looked heavenward and, thrusting her hands deeply into her +pockets, spoke aloud. "Before God" she said,--"in case I am never +able to say or think it again, I will say it now--I BELIEVE I WAS +RIGHT. I considered Garth's future happiness, and I considered my +own. I decided as I did for both our sakes, at terrible cost to +present joy. But, before God, I believed I was right; and--I BELIEVE +IT STILL." + +Jane never said it again. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX + +JANE LOOKS INTO LOVE'S MIRROR + + +Behind the yellow screen, Jane found a great confusion of canvases, +and unmistakable evidence of the blind hands which had groped about +in a vain search, and then made fruitless endeavours to sort and +rearrange. Very tenderly, Jane picked up each canvas from the fallen +heap; turning it the right way up, and standing it with its face to +the wall. Beautiful work, was there; some of it finished; some, +incomplete. One or two faces she knew, looked out at her in their +pictured loveliness. But the canvases she sought were not there. + +She straightened herself, and looked around. In a further corner, +partly concealed by a Cairo screen, stood another pile. Jane went to +them. + +Almost immediately she found the two she wanted; larger than the +rest, and distinguishable at a glance by the soft black gown of the +central figure. + +Without giving them more than a passing look, she carried them over +to the western window, and placed them in a good light. Then she +drew up the chair in which she had been sitting; took the little +brass bear in her left hand, as a talisman to help her through what +lay before her; turned the second picture with its face to the +easel; and sat down to the quiet contemplation of the first. + +The noble figure of a woman, nobly painted, was the first impression +which leapt from eye to brain. Yes, nobility came first, in stately +pose, in uplifted brow, in breadth of dignity. Then--as you marked +the grandly massive figure, too well-proportioned to be cumbersome, +but large and full, and amply developed; the length of limb; the +firmly planted feet; the large capable hands,--you realised the +second impression conveyed by the picture, to be strength;--strength +to do; strength to be; strength to continue. Then you looked into +the face. And there you were confronted with a great surprise. The +third thought expressed by the picture was Love--love, of the +highest, holiest, most ideal, kind; yet, withal, of the most +tenderly human order; and you found it in that face. + +It was a large face, well proportioned to the figure. It had no +pretensions whatever to ordinary beauty. The features were good; +there was not an ugly line about them; and yet, each one just missed +the beautiful; and the general effect was of a good-looking +plainness; unadorned, unconcealed, and unashamed. But the longer you +looked, the more desirable grew the face; the less you noticed its +negations; the more you admired its honesty, its purity, its immense +strength of purpose; its noble simplicity. You took in all these +outward details; you looked away for a moment, to consider them; you +looked back to verify them; and then the miracle happened. Into the +face had stolen the "light that never was on sea or land." It shone +from the quiet grey eyes,--as, over the head of the man who knelt +before her, they looked out of the picture--with an expression of +the sublime surrender of a woman's whole soul to an emotion which, +though it sways and masters her, yet gives her the power to be more +truly herself than ever before. The startled joy in them; the marvel +at a mystery not yet understood; the passionate tenderness; and yet +the almost divine compassion for the unrestrained violence of +feeling, which had flung the man to his knees, and driven him to the +haven of her breast; the yearning to soothe, and give, and content;- +-all these were blended into a look of such exquisite sweetness, +that it brought tears to the eyes of the beholder. + +The woman was seated on a broad marble parapet. She looked straight +before her. Her knees came well forward, and the long curve of the +train of her black gown filled the foreground on the right. On the +left, slightly to one side of her, knelt a man, a tall slight figure +in evening dress, his arms thrown forward around her waist; his face +completely hidden in the soft lace at her bosom; only the back of +his sleek dark head, visible. And yet the whole figure denoted a +passion of tense emotion. She had gathered him to her with what you +knew must have been an exquisite gesture, combining the utter self- +surrender of the woman, with the tender throb of maternal +solicitude; and now her hands were clasped behind his head, holding +him closely to her. Not a word was being spoken. The hidden face was +obviously silent; and her firm lips above his dark head were folded +in a line of calm self-control; though about them hovered the +dawning of a smile of bliss ineffable. + +A crimson rambler rose climbing some woodwork faintly indicated on +the left, and hanging in a glowing mass from the top left-hand +corner, supplied the only vivid colour in the picture. + +But, from taking in these minor details, the eye returned to that +calm tender face, alight with love; to those strong capable hands, +now learning for the first time to put forth the protective passion +of a woman's tenderness; and the mind whispered the only possible +name for that picture: The Wife. + +Jane gazed at it long, in silence. Had Garth's little bear been +anything less solid than Early Victorian brass; it must have bent +and broken under the strong pressure of those clenched hands. + +She could not doubt, for a moment, that she looked upon herself; +but, oh, merciful heavens! how unlike the reflected self of her own +mirror! Once or twice as she looked, her mind refused to work, and +she simply gazed blankly at the minor details of the picture. But +then again, the expression of the grey eyes drew her, recalling so +vividly every feeling she had experienced when that dear head had +come so unexpectedly to its resting-place upon her bosom. "It is +true," she whispered; and again: "Yes; it is true. I cannot deny it. +It is as I felt; it must be as I looked." + +And then, suddenly; she fell upon her knees before the picture. "Oh, +my God! Is that as I looked? And the next thing that happened was my +boy lifting his shining eyes and gazing at me in the moonlight. Is +THIS what he saw? Did I look SO? And did the woman who looked so; +and who, looking so, pressed his head down again upon her breast, +refuse next day to marry him, on the grounds of his youth, and her +superiority? . . . Oh, Garth, Garth! . . . O God, help him to +understand! . . . help him to forgive me!" + +In the work-room just below, Maggie the housemaid was singing as she +sewed. The sound floated through the open window, each syllable +distinct in the clear Scotch voice, and reached Jane where she +knelt. Her mind, stunned to blankness by its pain, took eager hold +upon the words of Maggie's hymn. And they were these. + + "O Love, that will not let me go, + I rest my weary soul in Thee; + I give Thee back the life I owe, + That in Thine ocean depths its flow + May richer, fuller be." + + "O Light, that followest all my way, + I yield my flick'ring torch to Thee; + My heart restores its borrowed ray, + That in Thy sunshine's blaze its day + May brighter, fairer be." + +Jane took the second picture, and placed it in front of the first. + +The same woman, seated as before; but the man was not there; and in +her arms, its tiny dark head pillowed against the fulness of her +breast, lay a little child. The woman did not look over that small +head, but bent above it, and gazed into the baby face. + +The crimson rambler had grown right across the picture, and formed a +glowing arch above mother and child. A majesty of tenderness was in +the large figure of the mother. The face, as regarded contour and +features, was no less plain; but again it was transfigured, by the +mother-love thereon depicted. You knew "The Wife" had more than +fulfilled her abundant promise. The wife was there in fullest +realisation; and, added to wifehood, the wonder of motherhood. All +mysteries were explained; all joys experienced; and the smile on her +calm lips, bespoke ineffable content. + +A rambler rose had burst above them, and fallen in a shower of +crimson petals upon mother and child. The baby-fingers clasped +tightly the soft lace at her bosom. A petal had fallen upon the tiny +wrist. She had lifted her hand to remove it; and, catching the baby- +eyes, so dark and shining, paused for a moment, and smiled. + +Jane, watching them, fell to desperate weeping. The "mere boy" had +understood her potential possibilities of motherhood far better than +she understood them herself. Having had one glimpse of her as "The +Wife," his mind had leaped on, and seen her as "The Mother." And +again she was forced to say: "It is true--yes; it is true." + +And then she recalled the old line of cruel reasoning: + +"It was not the sort of face one would have wanted to see always in +front of one at table." Was this the sort of face--this, as Garth +had painted it, after a supposed year of marriage? Would any man +weary of it, or wish to turn away his eyes? + +Jane took one more long look. Then she dropped the little bear, and +buried her face in her hands; while a hot blush crept up to the very +roots of her hair, and tingled to her finger-tips. + +Below, the fresh young voice was singing again. + + "O Joy, that seekest me through pain, + I cannot close my heart to Thee; + I trace the rainbow through the rain, + And feel the promise is not vain + That morn shall tearless be." + +After a while Jane whispered: "Oh, my darling, forgive me. I was +altogether wrong. I will confess; and, God helping me, I will +explain; and, oh, my darling, you will forgive me?" + +Once more she lifted her head and looked at the picture. A few stray +petals of the crimson rambler lay upon the ground; reminding her of +those crushed roses, which, falling from her breast, lay scattered +on the terrace at Shenstone, emblem of the joyous hopes and glory of +love which her decision of that night had laid in the dust of +disillusion. But crowning this picture, in rich clusters of abundant +bloom, grew the rambler rose. And through the open window came the +final verse of Maggie's hymn. + + "O Cross, that liftest up my head, + I dare not ask to fly from Thee; + I lay in dust life's glory dead, + And from the ground there blossoms red + Life that shall endless be." + +Jane went to the western window, and stood, with her arms stretched +above her, looking out upon the radiance of the sunset. The sky +blazed into gold and crimson at the horizon; gradually as the eye +lifted, paling to primrose, flecked with rosy clouds; and, overhead, +deep blue--fathomless, boundless, blue. + +Jane gazed at the golden battlements above the purple hills, and +repeated, half aloud: "And the city was of pure gold;--and had no +need of the sun, neither of the moon to shine in it: for the glory +of God did lighten it. And there shall be no more death; neither +sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the +former things are passed away." + +Ah, how much had passed away since she stood at that western window, +not an hour before. All life seemed readjusted; its outlook altered; +its perspective changed. Truly Garth had "gone behind his +blindness." + +Jane raised her eyes to the blue; and a smile of unspeakable +anticipation parted her lips. "Life, that shall endless be," she +murmured. Then, turning, found the little bear, and restored him to +his place upon the mantelpiece; put back the chair; closed the +western window; and, picking up the two canvases, left the studio, +and made her way carefully downstairs. + + + + +CHAPTER XXX + +"THE LADY PORTRAYED" + + +"It has taken you long, Miss Gray. I nearly sent Simpson up, to find +out what had happened." + +"I am glad you did not do that, Mr. Dalmain. Simpson would have +found me weeping on the studio floor; and to ask his assistance +under those circumstances, would have been more humbling than +inquiring after the fly in the soup!" + +Garth turned quickly in his chair. The artist-ear had caught the +tone which meant comprehension of his work. + +"Weeping!" he said. "Why?" + +"Because," answered Nurse Rosemary, "I have been entranced. These +pictures are so exquisite. They stir one's deepest depths. And yet +they are so pathetic--ah, SO pathetic; because you have made a plain +woman, beautiful." + +Garth rose to his feet, and turned upon her a face which would have +blazed, had it not been sightless. + +"A WHAT?" he exclaimed. + +"A plain woman," repeated Nurse Rosemary, quietly. "Surely you +realised your model to be that. And therein lies the wonder of the +pictures. You have so beautified her by wifehood, and glorified her +by motherhood, that the longer one looks the more one forgets her +plainness; seeing her as loving and loved; lovable, and therefore +lovely. It is a triumph of art." + +Garth sat down, his hands clasped before him. + +"It is a triumph of truth," he said. "I painted what I saw." + +"You painted her soul," said Nurse Rosemary, "and it illuminated her +plain face." + +"I SAW her soul," said Garth, almost in a whisper; "and that vision +was so radiant that it illumined my dark life. The remembrance +lightens my darkness, even now." + +A very tender silence fell in the library. + +The twilight deepened. + +Then Nurse Rosemary spoke, very low. "Mr. Dalmain, I have a request +to make of you. I want to beg you not to destroy these pictures." + +Garth lifted his head. "I must destroy them, child," he said. "I +cannot risk their being seen by people who would recognise my--the-- +the lady portrayed." + +"At all events, there is one person who must see them, before they +are destroyed." + +"And that is?" queried Garth. + +"The lady portrayed," said Nurse Rosemary, bravely. + +"How do you know she has not seen them?" + +"Has she?" inquired Nurse Rosemary. + +"No," said Garth, shortly; "and she never will." + +"She must." + +Something in the tone of quiet insistence struck Garth. + +"Why?" he asked; and listened with interest for the answer. + +"Because of all it would mean to a woman who knows herself plain, to +see herself thus beautified." + +Garth sat very still for a few moments. Then: "A woman who--knows-- +herself--plain?" he repeated, with interrogative amazement in his +voice. + +"Yes," proceeded Nurse Rosemary, encouraged. "Do you suppose, for a +moment, that that lady's mirror has ever shown her a reflection in +any way approaching what you have made her in these pictures? When +we stand before our looking-glasses, Mr. Dalmain, scowling anxiously +at hats and bows, and partings, we usually look our very worst; and +that lady, at her very worst, would be of a most discouraging +plainness." + +Garth sat perfectly silent. + +"Depend upon it," continued Nurse Rosemary, "she never sees herself +as 'The Wife'--'The Mother.' Is she a wife?". + +Garth hesitated only the fraction of a second. "Yes," he said, very +quietly. + +Jane's hands flew to her breast. Her heart must be held down, or he +would hear it throbbing. + +Nurse Rosemary's voice had in it only a slight tremor, when she +spoke again. + +"Is she a mother?" + +"No," said Garth. "I painted what might have been." + +"If--?" + +"If it HAD been," replied Garth, curtly. + +Nurse Rosemary felt rebuked. "Dear Mr. Dalmain," she said, humbly; +"I realise how officious I must seem to you, with all these +questions, and suggestions. But you must blame the hold these +wonderful paintings of yours have taken on my mind. Oh, they are +beautiful--beautiful!" + +"Ah," said Garth, the keen pleasure of the artist springing up once +more. "Miss Gray, I have somewhat forgotten them. Have you them +here? That is right. Put them up before you, and describe them to +me. Let me hear how they struck you, as pictures." Jane rose, and +went to the window. She threw it open; and as she breathed in the +fresh air, breathed out a passionate prayer that her nerve, her +voice, her self-control might not fail her, in this critical hour. +She herself had been convicted by Garth's pictures. Now she must +convince Garth, by her description of them. He must be made to +believe in the love he had depicted. + +Then Nurse Rosemary sat down; and, in the gentle, unemotional voice, +which was quite her own, described to the eager ears of the blind +artist, exactly what Jane had seen in the studio. + +It was perfectly done. It was mercilessly done. All the desperate, +hopeless, hunger for Jane, awoke in Garth; the maddening knowledge +that she had been his, and yet not his; that, had he pressed for her +answer that evening, it could not have been a refusal; that the cold +calculations of later hours, had no place in those moments of +ecstasy. Yet--he lost her--lost her! Why? Ah, why? Was there any +possible reason other than the one she gave? + +Nurse Rosemary's quiet voice went on, regardless of his writhings. +But she was drawing to a close. "And it is such a beautiful crimson +rambler, Mr. Dalmain," she said. "I like the idea of its being small +and in bud, in the first picture; and blooming in full glory, in the +second." + +Garth pulled himself together and smiled. He must not give way +before this girl. + +"Yes," he said; "I am glad you noticed that. And, look here. We will +not destroy them at once. Now they are found, there is no hurry. I +am afraid I am giving you a lot of trouble; but will you ask for +some large sheets of brown paper, and make a package, and write upon +it: 'Not to be opened,' and tell Margery to put them back in the +studio. Then, when I want them, at any time, I shall have no +difficulty in identifying them." + +"I am so glad," said Nurse Rosemary. "Then perhaps the plain lady--" + +"I cannot have her spoken of so," said Garth, hotly. "I do not know +what she thought of herself--I doubt if she ever gave a thought to +self at all. I do not know what you would have thought of her. I can +only tell you that, to me, hers is the one face which is visible in +my darkness. All the loveliness I have painted, all the beauty I +have admired, fades from my mental vision, as wreaths of mist; +flutters from memory's sight, as autumn leaves. Her face alone +abides; calm, holy, tender, beautiful,--it is always before me. And +it pains me that one who has only seen her as MY hand depicted her +should speak of her as plain." + +"Forgive me," said Nurse Rosemary, humbly. "I did not mean to pain +you, sir. And, to show you what your pictures have done for me, may +I tell you a resolution I made in the studio? I cannot miss what +they depict--the sweetest joys of life--for want of the courage to +confess myself wrong; pocket my pride; and be frank and humble. I am +going to write a full confession to my young man, as to my share of +the misunderstanding which has parted us. Do you think he will +understand? Do you think he will forgive?" + +Garth smiled. He tried to call up an image of a pretty troubled +face, framed in a fluffy setting of soft fair hair. It harmonised so +little with the voice; but it undoubtedly was Nurse Rosemary Gray, +as others saw her. + +"He will be a brute if he doesn't, child," he said. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXI + +IN LIGHTER VEIN + + +Dinner that evening, the first at their small round table, was a +great success. Nurse Rosemary's plans all worked well; and Garth +delighted in arrangements which made him feel less helpless. + +The strain of the afternoon brought its reaction of merriment. A +little judicious questioning drew forth further stories of the +duchess and her pets; and Miss Champion's name came in with a +frequency which they both enjoyed. + +It was a curious experience for Jane, to hear herself described in +Garth's vivid word-painting. Until that fatal evening at Shenstone, +she had been remarkably free from self-consciousness; and she had no +idea that she had a way of looking straight into people's eyes when +she talked to them, and that that was what muddled up "the silly +little minds of women who say they are afraid of her, and that she +makes them nervous! You see she looks right into their shallow +shuffling little souls, full of conceited thoughts about themselves, +and nasty ill-natured thoughts about her; and no wonder they grow +panic-stricken, and flee; and talk of her as 'that formidable Miss +Champion.' I never found her formidable; but, when I had the chance +of a real talk with her, I used to be thankful I had nothing of +which to be ashamed. Those clear eyes touched bottom every time, as +our kindred over the water so expressively put it." + +Neither had Jane any idea that she always talked with a poker, if +possible; building up the fire while she built up her own argument; +or attacking it vigorously, while she demolished her opponent's; +that she stirred the fire with her toe, but her very smart boots +never seemed any the worse; that when pondering a difficult problem, +she usually stood holding her chin in her right hand, until she had +found the solution. All these small characteristics Garth described +with vivid touch, and dwelt upon with a tenacity of remembrance, +which astonished Jane, and revealed him, in his relation to herself +three years before, in a new light. + +His love for her had been so suddenly disclosed, and had at once had +to be considered as a thing to be either accepted or put away; so +that when she decided to put it away, it seemed not to have had time +to become in any sense part of her life. She had viewed it; realised +all it might have meant; and put it from her. + +But now she understood how different it had been for Garth. During +the week which preceded his declaration, he had realised, to the +full, the meaning of their growing intimacy; and, as his certainty +increased, he had more and more woven her into his life; his vivid +imagination causing her to appear as his beloved from the first; +loved and wanted, when as yet they were merely acquaintances; +kindred spirits; friends. + +To find herself thus shrined in his heart and memory was infinitely +touching to Jane; and seemed to promise, with sweet certainty, that +it would not be difficult to come home there to abide, when once all +barriers between them were removed. + +After dinner, Garth sat long at the piano, filling the room with +harmony. Once or twice the theme of The Rosary crept in, and Jane +listened anxiously for its development; but almost immediately it +gave way to something else. It seemed rather to haunt the other +melodies, than to be actually there itself. + +When Garth left the piano, and, guided by the purple cord, reached +his chair, Nurse Rosemary said gently "Mr. Dalmain, can you spare me +for a few days at the end of this week?" + +"Oh, why?" said Garth. "To go where? And for how long? Ah, I know I +ought to say: 'Certainly! Delighted!' after all your goodness to me. +But I really cannot! You don't know what life was without you, when +you week-ended! That week-end seemed months, even though Brand was +here. It is your own fault for making yourself so indispensable." + +Nurse Rosemary smiled. "I daresay I shall not be away for long," she +said. "That is, if you want me, I can return. But, Mr. Dalmain, I +intend to-night to write that letter of which I told you. I shall +post it to-morrow. I must follow it up almost immediately. I must be +with him when he receives it, or soon afterwards. I think--I hope-- +he will want me at once. This is Monday. May I go on Thursday?" + +Poor Garth looked blankly dismayed. + +"Do nurses, as a rule, leave their patients, and rush off to their +young men in order to find out how they have liked their letters?" +he inquired, in mock protest. + +"Not as a rule, sir," replied Nurse Rosemary, demurely. "But this is +an exceptional case." + +"I shall wire to Brand." + +"He will send you a more efficient and more dependable person." + +"Oh you wicked little thing!" cried Garth. "If Miss Champion were +here, she would shake you! You, know perfectly well that nobody +could fill your place!" + +"It is good of you to say so, sir," replied Nurse Rosemary, meekly. +"And is Miss Champion much addicted to shaking people?" + + + +"Don't call me 'sir'! Yes; when people are tiresome she often says +she would like to shake them; and one has a mental vision of how +their teeth would chatter. There is a certain little lady of our +acquaintance whom we always call 'Mrs. Do-and-don't.' She isn't in +our set; but she calls upon it; and sometimes it asks her to lunch, +for fun. If you inquire whether she likes a thing, she says: 'Well, +I do, and I don't.' If you ask whether she is going to a certain +function, she says: 'Well, I am, and I'm not.' And if you send her a +note, imploring a straight answer to a direct question, the answer +comes back: 'Yes AND no.' Miss Champion used to say she would like +to take her up by the scruff of her feather boa, and shake her, +asking at intervals: 'Shall I stop?' so as to wring from Mrs. Do- +and-don't a definite affirmative, for once." + +"Could Miss Champion carry out such a threat? Is she a very massive +person?" + +"Well, she could, you know; but she wouldn't. She is most awfully +kind, even to little freaks she laughs at. No, she isn't massive. +That word does not describe her at all. But she is large, and very +finely developed. Do you know the Venus of Milo? Yes; in the Louvre. +I am glad you know Paris. Well, just imagine the Venus of Milo in a +tailor-made coat and skirt,--and you have Miss Champion." + +Nurse Rosemary laughed, hysterically. Either the Venus of Milo, or +Miss Champion, or this combination of both, proved too much for her. + +"Little Dicky Brand summed up Mrs. Do-and-don't rather well," +pursued Garth. "She was calling at Wimpole Street, on Lady Brand's +'at home' day. And Dicky stood talking to me, in his black velvets +and white waistcoat, a miniature edition of Sir Deryck. He indicated +Mrs. Do-and-don't on a distant lounge, and remarked: 'THAT lady +never KNOWS; she always THINKS. I asked her if her little girl might +come to my party, and she said: "I think so." Now if she had asked +ME if I was coming to HER party, I should have said: "Thank you; I +am." It is very trying when people only THINK about important +things, such as little girls and parties; because their thinking +never amounts to much. It does not so much matter what they think +about other things--the weather, for instance; because that all +happens, whether they think or not. Mummie asked that lady whether +it was raining when she got here; and she said: "I THINK not." I +can't imagine why Mummie always wants to know what her friends think +about the weather. I have heard her ask seven ladies this afternoon +whether it is raining. Now if father or I wanted to know whether it +was raining we should just step over to the window, and look out; +and then come back and go do with really interesting conversation. +But Mummie asks them whether it is raining, or whether they think it +has been raining, or is going to rain; and when they have told her, +she hurries away and asks somebody else. I asked the thinking lady +in the feather thing, whether she knew who the father and mother +were, of the young lady whom Cain married; and she said: "Well, I +do; and I don't." I said: "If you DO, perhaps you will tell me. And +if you DON'T, perhaps you would like to take my hand, and we will +walk over together and ask the Bishop--the one with the thin legs, +and the gold cross, talking to Mummie." But she thought she had to +go, quite in a hurry. So I saw her off; and then asked the Bishop +alone. Bishops are most satisfactory kind of people; because they +are quite sure about everything; and you feel safe in quoting them +to Nurse. Nurse told Marsdon that this one is in "sheep's clothing," +because he wears a gold cross. I saw the cross; but I saw no sheep's +clothing. I was looking out for the kind of woolly thing our new +curate wears on his back in church. Should you call that "sheep's +clothing"? I asked father, and he said: "No. Bunny-skin." And mother +seemed as shocked as if father and I had spoken in church, instead +of just as we came out. And she said: "It is a B.A. hood." Possibly +she thinks "baa" is spelled with only one "a." Anyway father and I +felt it best to let the subject drop.'" + +Nurse Rosemary laughed. "How exactly like Dicky," she said. "I could +hear his grave little voice, and almost see him pull down his small +waistcoat!" + +"Why, do you know the little chap?" asked Garth. + +"Yes," replied Nurse Rosemary; "I have stayed with them. Talking to +Dicky is an education; and Baby Blossom is a sweet romp. Here comes +Simpson. How quickly the evening has flown. Then may I be off on +Thursday?" + +"I am helpless," said Garth. "I cannot say 'no.' But suppose you do +not come back?" + +"Then you can wire to Dr. Brand." + +"I believe you want to leave me," said Garth reproachfully. + +"I do, and I don't!" laughed Nurse Rosemary; and fled from his +outstretched hands. + + * * * * * * * + +When Jane had locked the letter-bag earlier that evening, and handed +it to Simpson, she had slipped in two letters of her own. One was +addressed to Georgina, Duchess of Meldrum + + Portland Place + +The other, to + + Sir Deryck Brand + + Wimpole Street + +Both were marked: Urgent. If absent, forward immediately. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXII + +AN INTERLUDE + + +Tuesday passed uneventfully, to all outward seeming. + +There was nothing to indicate to Garth that his secretary had sat up +writing most of the night; only varying that employment by spending +long moments in silent contemplation of his pictures, which had +found a temporary place of safety, on their way back to the studio, +in a deep cupboard in her room, of which she had the key. + +If Nurse Rosemary marked, with a pang of tender compunction, the +worn look on Garth's face, telling how mental suffering had chased +away sleep; she made no comment thereupon. + +Thus Tuesday passed, in uneventful monotony. + +Two telegrams had arrived for Nurse Gray in the course of the +morning. The first came while she was reading a Times leader aloud +to Garth. Simpson brought it in, saying: "A telegram for you, miss." + +It was always a source of gratification to Simpson afterwards, that, +almost from the first, he had been led, by what he called his +"unHaided HintuHition," to drop the "nurse," and address Jane with +the conventional "miss." In time he almost convinced himself that he +had also discerned in her "a Honourable"; but this, Margery Graem +firmly refused to allow. She herself had had her "doots," and kept +them to herself; but all Mr. Simpson's surmisings had been freely +expressed and reiterated in the housekeeper's room; and never a word +about any honourable lead passed Mr. Simpson's lips. Therefore Mrs. +Graem berated him for being so ready to "go astray and speak lies." +But Maggie, the housemaid, had always felt sure Mr. Simpson knew +more than he said. "Said more than he knew, you mean," prompted old +Margery. "No," retorted Maggie, "I know what I said; and I said what +I meant." "You may have said what you meant, but you did not mean +what you knew," insisted Margery; "and if anybody says another word +on the matter, _I_ shall say grace and dismiss the table," continued +old Margery, exercising the cloture, by virtue of her authority, in +a way which Simpson and Maggie, who both wished for cheese, +afterwards described as "mean." + +But this was long after the uneventful Tuesday, when Simpson +entered, with a salver; and, finding Jane enveloped in the Times, +said: "A telegram for you, miss." + +Nurse Rosemary took it; apologised for the interruption, and opened +it. It was from the duchess, and ran thus: + +MOST INCONVENIENT, AS YOU VERY WELL KNOW; BUT AM LEAVING EUSTON TO- +NIGHT. WILL AWAIT FURTHER ORDERS AT ABERDEEN. + +Nurse Rosemary smiled, and put the telegram into her pocket. "No +answer, thank you, Simpson." + +"Not bad news, I hope?" asked Garth. + +"No," replied Nurse Rosemary; "but it makes my departure on Thursday +imperative. It is from an old aunt of mine, who is going to my +'young man's' home. I must be with him before she is, or there will +be endless complications." + +"I don't believe he will ever let you go again, when once he gets +you back," remarked Garth, moodily. + +"You think not?" said Nurse Rosemary, with a tender little smile, as +she took up the paper, and resumed her reading. + +The second telegram arrived after luncheon. Garth was at the piano, +thundering Beethoven's Funeral March on the Death of a Hero. The +room was being rent asunder by mighty chords; and Simpson's smug +face and side-whiskers appearing noiselessly in the doorway, were an +insupportable anticlimax. Nurse Rosemary laid her finger on her +lips; advanced with her firm noiseless tread, and took the telegram. +She returned to her seat and waited until the hero's obsequies were +over, and the last roll of the drums had died away. Then she opened +the orange envelope. And as she opened it, a strange thing happened. +Garth began to play The Rosary. The string of pearls dropped in +liquid sound from his fingers; and Nurse Rosemary read her telegram. +It was from the doctor, and said: SPECIAL LICENSE EASILY OBTAINED. +FLOWER AND I WILL COME WHENEVER YOU WISH. WIRE AGAIN. + +The Rosary drew to a soft melancholy close. + +"What shall I play next?" asked Garth, suddenly. + +"Veni, Creator Spiritus," said Nurse Rosemary; and bowed her head in +prayer. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIII + +"SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN!" + + +Wednesday dawned; an ideal First of May: Garth was in the garden +before breakfast. Jane heard him singing, as he passed beneath her +window. + +"It is not mine to sing the stately grace, +The great soul beaming in my lady's face." + +She leaned out. + +He was walking below in the freshest of white flannels; his step so +light and elastic; his every movement so lithe and graceful; the +only sign of his blindness the Malacca cane he held in his hand, +with which he occasionally touched the grass border, or the wall of +the house. She could only see the top of his dark head. It might +have been on the terrace at Shenstone, three years before. She +longed to call from the window; "Darling--my Darling! Good morning! +God bless you to-day." + +Ah what would to-day bring forth;--the day when her full confession, +and explanation, and plea for pardon, would reach him? He was such a +boy in many ways; so light-hearted, loving, artistic, poetic, +irrepressible; ever young, in spite of his great affliction. But +where his manhood was concerned; his love; his right of choice and +of decision; of maintaining a fairly-formed opinion, and setting +aside the less competent judgment of others; she knew him rigid, +inflexible. His very pain seemed to cool him, from the molten lover, +to the bar of steel. + +As Jane knelt at her window that morning, she had not the least idea +whether the evening would find her travelling to Aberdeen, to take +the night mail south; or at home forever in the heaven of Garth's +love. + +And down below he passed again, still singing: + + "But mine it is to follow in her train; + Do her behests in pleasure or in pain; + Burn at her altar love's sweet frankincense, + And worship her in distant reverence." + +"Ah, beloved!" whispered Jane, "not 'distant.' If you want her, and +call her, it will be to the closest closeness love can devise. No +more distance between you and me." + +And then, in the curious way in which inspired words will sometimes +occur to the mind quite apart from their inspired context, and +bearing a totally different meaning from that which they primarily +bear, these words came to Jane: "For He is our peace, Who hath made +both one, and hath broken down the middle wall of partition between +us . . . that He might reconcile both . . . by the cross." "Ah, dear +Christ!" she whispered. "If Thy cross could do this for Jew and +Gentile, may not my boy's heavy cross, so bravely borne, do it for +him and for me? So shall we come at last, indeed, to 'kiss the +cross.'" + +The breakfast gong boomed through the house. Simpson loved gongs. He +considered them "Haristocratic." He always gave full measure. + +Nurse Rosemary went down to breakfast. + +Garth came in, through the French window, humming "The thousand +beauties that I know so well." He was in his gayest, most +inconsequent mood. He had picked a golden rosebud in the +conservatory and wore it in his buttonhole. He carried a yellow rose +in his hand. + +"Good day, Miss Rosemary," he said. "What a May Day! Simpson and I +were up with the lark; weren't we, Simpson? Poor Simpson felt like a +sort of 'Queen of the May,' when my electric bell trilled in his +room, at 5 A.M. But I couldn't stay in bed. I woke with my +something-is-going-to-happen feeling; and when I was a little chap +and woke with that, Margery used to say: 'Get up quickly then, +Master Garth, and it will happen all the sooner.' You ask her if she +didn't, Simpson. Miss Gray, did you ever learn: 'If you're waking +call me early, call me early, mother dear'? I always hated that +young woman! I should think, in her excited state, she would have +been waking long before her poor mother, who must have been worn to +a perfect rag, making all the hussy's May Queen-clothes, overnight." + +Simpson had waited to guide him to his place at the table. Then he +removed the covers, and left the room. + +As soon as he had closed the door behind him, Garth leaned forward, +and with unerring accuracy laid the opening rose upon Nurse +Rosemary's plate. + +"Roses for Rosemary," he said. "Wear it, if you are sure the young +man would not object. I have been thinking about him and the aunt. I +wish you could ask them both here, instead of going away on +Thursday. We would have the 'maddest, merriest time!' I would play +with the aunt, while you had it out with the young man. And I could +easily keep the aunt away from nooks and corners, because my hearing +is sharper than any aunt's eyes could be, and if you gave a gentle +cough, I would promptly clutch hold of auntie, and insist upon being +guided in the opposite direction. And I would take her out in the +motor; and you and the young man could have the gig. And then when +all was satisfactorily settled, we could pack them off home, and be +by ourselves again. Ah, Miss Gray, do send for them, instead of +leaving me on Thursday." + +"Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, reprovingly, as she leaned +forward and touched his right hand with the rim of his saucer, "this +May-Day morning has gone to your head. I shall send for Margery. She +may have known the symptoms, of old." + +"It is not that," said Garth. He leaned forward and spoke +confidentially. "Something is going to happen to-day, little +Rosemary. Whenever I feel like this, something happens. The first +time it occurred, about twenty-five years ago, there was a rocking- +horse in the hall, when I ran downstairs! I have never forgotten my +first ride on that rocking-horse. The fearful joy when he went +backward; the awful plunge when he went forward; and the proud +moment when it was possible to cease clinging to the leather pommel. +I nearly killed the cousin who pulled out his tail. I thrashed him, +then and there, WITH the tail; which was such a silly thing to do; +because, though it damaged the cousin, it also spoiled the tail. The +next time--ah, but I am boring you!" + +"Not at all," said Nurse Rosemary, politely; "but I want you to have +some breakfast; and the letters will be here in a few minutes." + +He looked so brown and radiant, this dear delightful boy, with his +gold-brown tie, and yellow rose. She was conscious of her pallor, +and oppressive earnestness, as she said: "The letters will be here." + +"Oh, bother the letters!" cried Garth. "Let's have a holiday from +letters on May Day! You shall be Queen of the May; and Margery shall +be the old mother. I will be Robin, with the breaking heart, leaning +on the bridge beneath the hazel tree; and Simpson can be the 'bolder +lad.' And we will all go and 'gather knots of flowers, and buds, and +garlands gay.'" + +"Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, laughing, in spite of herself, +"you really must be sensible, or I shall go and consult Margery. I +have never seen you in such a mood." + +"You have never seen me, on a day when something was going to +happen," said Garth; and Nurse Rosemary made no further attempt to +repress him. + +After breakfast, he went to the piano, and played two-steps, and +rag-time music, so infectiously, that Simpson literally tripped as +he cleared the table; and Nurse Rosemary, sitting pale and +preoccupied, with a pile of letters before her, had hard work to +keep her feet still. + +Simpson had two-stepped to the door with the cloth, and closed it +after him. Nurse Rosemary's remarks about the post-bag, and the +letters, had remained unanswered. "Shine little glowworm glimmer" +was pealing gaily through the room, like silver bells,--when the +door opened, and old Margery appeared, in a black satin apron, and a +blue print sunbonnet. She came straight to the piano, and laid her +hand gently on Garth's arm. + +"Master Garthie," she said, "on this lovely May morning, will you +take old Margery up into the woods?" + +Garth's hands dropped from the keys. "Of course I will, Margie," he +said. "And, I say Margie, SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN." + +"I know it, laddie," said the old woman, tenderly; and the +expression with which she looked into the blind face filled Jane's +eyes with tears. "I woke with it too, Master Garthie; and now we +will go into the woods, and listen to the earth, and trees, and +flowers, and they will tell us whether it is for joy, or for sorrow. +Come, my own laddie." + +Garth rose, as in a dream. Even in his blindness he looked so young, +and so beautiful, that Jane's watching heart stood still. + +At the window he paused. "Where is that secretary person?" he said, +vaguely. "She kept trying to shut me up." + +"I know she did, laddie," said old Margery, curtseying +apologetically towards Jane. "You see she does not know the +'something-is-going-to-happen-to-day' awakening." + +"Ah, doesn't she?" thought Jane, as they disappeared through the +window. "But as my Garth has gone off his dear head, and been taken +away by his nurse, the thing that is going to happen, can't happen +just yet." And Jane sat down to the piano, and very softly ran +through the accompaniment of The Rosary. Then,--after shading her +eyes on the terrace, and making sure that a tall white figure +leaning on a short dark one, had almost reached the top of the +hill,--still more softly, she sang it. + +Afterwards she went for a tramp on the moors, and steadied her nerve +by the rapid swing of her walk, and the deep inbreathing of that +glorious air. Once or twice she took a telegram from her pocket, +stood still and read it; then tramped on, to the wonder of the +words: "Special license easily obtained." Ah, the license might be +easy to obtain; but how about his forgiveness? That must be obtained +first. If there were only this darling boy to deal with, in his +white flannels and yellow roses, with a May-Day madness in his +veins, the license might come at once; and all he could wish should +happen without delay. But this is a passing phase of Garth. What she +has to deal with is the white-faced man, who calmly said: "I accept +the cross," and walked down the village church leaving her--for all +these years. Loving her, as he loved her; and yet leaving her,-- +without word or sign, for three long years. To hire, was the +confession; his would be the decision; and, somehow, it did not +surprise her, when she came down to luncheon, a little late, to find +HIM seated at the table. + +"Miss Gray," he said gravely, as he heard her enter, "I must +apologise for my behaviour this morning. I was what they call up +here 'fey.' Margery understands the mood; and together she and I +have listened to kind Mother Earth, laying our hands on her +sympathetic softness, and she has told us her secrets. Then I lay +down under the fir trees and slept; and awakened calm and sane, and +ready for what to-day must bring. For it WILL bring something. That +is no delusion. It is a day of great things. That much, Margery +knows, too." + +"Perhaps," suggested Nurse Rosemary, tentatively, "there may be news +of interest in your letters." + +"Ah," said Garth, "I forgot. We have not even opened this morning's +letters. Let us take time for them immediately after lunch. Are +there many?" + +"Quite a pile," said Nurse Rosemary. + + "Good. We will work soberly through them." + +Half an hour later Garth was seated in his chair, calm and +expectant; his face turned towards his secretary. He had handled his +letters, and amongst them he had found one sealed; and the seal was +a plumed helmet, with visor closed. Nurse Rosemary saw him pale, as +his fingers touched it. He made no remark; but, as before, slipped +it beneath the rest, that it might come up for reading, last of all. + +When the others were finished, and Nurse Rosemary took up this +letter, the room was very still. They were quite alone. Bees hummed +in the garden. The scent of flowers stole in at the window. But no +one disturbed their solitude. + +Nurse Rosemary took up the envelope. + +"Mr. Dalmain, here is a letter, sealed with scarlet wax. The seal is +a helmet with visor--" + +"I know," said Garth. "You need not describe it further. Kindly open +it." + +Nurse Rosemary opened it. "It is a very long letter, Mr. Dalmain." + +"Indeed? Will you please read it to me, Miss Gray." + +A tense moment of silence followed. Nurse Rosemary lifted the +letter; but her voice suddenly refused to respond to her will. Garth +waited without further word. + +Then Nurse Rosemary said: "Indeed, sir, it seems a most private +letter. I find it difficult to read it to you." + +Garth heard the distress in her voice, and turned to her kindly. + +"Never mind, my dear child. It in no way concerns you. It is a +private letter to me; but my only means of hearing it is through +your eyes, and from your lips. Besides, the lady, whose seal is a +plumed helmet, can have nothing of a very private nature to say to +me." + +"Ah, but she has," said Nurse Rosemary, brokenly. + +Garth considered this in silence. + +Then: "Turn over the page," he said, "and tell me the signature." + +"There are many pages," said Nurse Rosemary. + +"Turn over the pages then," said Garth, sternly. "Do not keep me +waiting. How is that letter signed?" + +"YOUR WIFE," whispered Nurse Rosemary. + +There was a petrifying quality about the silence which followed. It +seemed as if those two words, whispered into Garth's darkness, had +turned him to stone. + +At last he stretched out his hand. "Will you give me that letter, if +you please, Miss Gray? Thank you. I wish to be alone for a quarter +of an hour. I shall be glad if you will be good enough to sit in the +dining-room, and stop any one from coming into this room. I must be +undisturbed. At the end of that time kindly return." + +He spoke so quietly that Jane's heart sank within her. Some display +of agitation would have been reassuring. This was the man who, +bowing his dark head towards the crucifixion window, said: "I accept +the cross." This was the man, whose footsteps never once faltered as +he strode down the aisle, and left her. This was the man, who had +had the strength, ever since, to treat that episode between her and +himself, as completely closed; no word of entreaty; no sign of +remembrance; no hint of reproach. And this was the man to whom she +had signed herself: "Your wife." + +In her whole life, Jane had never known fear. She knew it now. + +As she silently rose and left him, she stole one look at his face. +He was sitting perfectly still; the letter in his hand. He had not +turned his head toward her as he took it. His profile might have +been a beautiful carving in white ivory. There was not the faintest +tinge of colour in his face; just that ivory pallor, against the +ebony lines of his straight brows, and smooth dark hair. + +Jane softly left the room, closing the door behind her. + +Then followed the longest fifteen minutes she had ever known. She +realised what a tremendous conflict was in progress in that quiet +room. Garth was arriving at his decision without having heard any of +her arguments. By the strange fatality of his own insistence, he had +heard only two words of her letter, and those the crucial words; the +two words to which the whole letter carefully led up. They must have +revealed to him instantly, what the character of the letter would +be; and what was the attitude of mind towards himself, of the woman +who wrote them. + +Jane paced the dining-room in desperation, remembering the hours of +thought which had gone to the compiling of sentences, cautiously +preparing his mind to the revelation of the signature. + +Suddenly, in the midst of her mental perturbation, there came to her +the remembrance of a conversation between Nurse Rosemary and Garth +over the pictures. The former had said: "Is she a wife?" And Garth +had answered: "Yes." Jane had instantly understood what that answer +revealed and implied. Because Garth had so felt her his during those +wonderful moments on the terrace at Shenstone, that he could look up +into her face and say, "My wife"--not as an interrogation, but as an +absolute statement of fact,--he still held her this, as indissolubly +as if priest, and book, and ring, had gone to the wedding of their +union. To him, the union of souls came before all else; and if that +had taken place, all that might follow was but the outward +indorsement of an accomplished fact. Owing to her fear, mistrust, +and deception, nothing had followed. Their lives had been sundered; +they had gone different ways. He regarded himself as being no more +to her than any other man of her acquaintance. During these years he +had believed, that her part in that evening's wedding of souls had +existed in his imagination, only; and had no binding effect upon +her. But his remained. Because those words were true to him then, he +had said them; and, because he had said them, he would consider her +his wife, through life,--and after. It was the intuitive +understanding of this, which had emboldened Jane so to sign her +letter. But how would he reconcile that signature with the view of +her conduct which he had all along taken, without ever having the +slightest conception that there could be any other? + +Then Jane remembered, with comfort, the irresistible appeal made by +Truth to the soul of the artist; truth of line; truth of colour; +truth of values; and, in the realm of sound, truth of tone, of +harmony, of rendering, of conception. And when Nurse Rosemary had +said of his painting of "The Wife": "It is a triumph of art"; Garth +had replied: "It is a triumph of truth." And Jane's own verdict on +the look he had seen and depicted was: "It is true--yes, it is +true!" Will he not realise now the truth of that signature; and, if +he realises it, will he not be glad in his loneliness, that his wife +should come to him; unless the confessions and admissions of the +letter cause him to put her away as wholly unworthy? + +Suddenly Jane understood the immense advantage of the fact that he +would hear every word of the rest of her letter, knowing the +conclusion, which she herself could not possibly have put first. She +saw a Higher Hand in this arrangement; and said, as she watched the +minutes slowly pass: "He hath broken down the middle wall of +partition between us"; and a sense of calm assurance descended, and +garrisoned her soul with peace. + +The quarter of an hour was over. + +Jane crossed the hall with firm, though noiseless, step; stood a +moment on the threshold relegating herself completely to the +background; then opened the door; and Nurse Rosemary re-entered the +library. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIV + +"LOVE NEVER FAILETH" + + +Garth was standing at the open window, when Nurse Rosemary re- +entered the library; and he did not turn, immediately. + +She looked anxiously for the letter, and saw it laid ready on her +side of the table. It bore signs of having been much crumpled; +looking almost as a letter might appear which had been crushed into +a ball, flung into the waste-paper basket, and afterwards retrieved. +It had, however, been carefully smoothed out; and lay ready to her +hand. + +When Garth turned from the window and passed to his chair, his face +bore the signs of a great struggle. He looked as one who, sightless, +has yet been making frantic efforts to see. The ivory pallor was +gone. His face was flushed; and his thick hair, which grew in +beautiful curves low upon his forehead and temples, and was usually +carefully brushed back in short-cropped neatness, was now ruffled +and disordered. But his voice was completely under control, as he +turned towards his secretary. + +"My dear Miss Gray," he said, "we have a difficult task before us. I +have received a letter, which it is essential I should hear. I am +obliged to ask you to read it to me, because there is absolutely no +one else to whom I can prefer such a request. I cannot but know that +it will be a difficult and painful task for you, feeling yourself an +intermediary between two wounded and sundered hearts. May I make it +easier, my dear little girl, by assuring you that I know of no one +in this world from whose lips I could listen to the contents of that +letter with less pain; and, failing my own, there are no eyes +beneath which I could less grudgingly let it pass, there is no mind +I could so unquestioningly trust, to judge kindly, both of myself +and of the writer; and to forget faithfully, all which was not +intended to come within the knowledge of a third person." + +"Thank you, Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary. + +Garth leaned back in his chair, shielding his face with his hand. + +"Now, if you please," he said. And, very clearly and quietly, Nurse +Rosemary began to read. + +"DEAR GARTH, As you will not let me come to you, so that I could +say, between you and me alone, that which must be said, I am +compelled to write it. It is your own fault, Dal; and we both pay +the penalty. For how can I write to you freely when I know, that as +you listen, it will seem to you of every word I am writing, that I +am dragging a third person into that which ought to be, most +sacredly, between you and me alone. And yet, I must write freely; +and I must make you fully understand; because the whole of your +future life and mine will depend upon your reply to this letter. I +must write as if you were able to hold the letter in your own hands, +and read it to yourself. Therefore, if you cannot completely trust +your secretary, with the private history of your heart and mine, bid +her give it you back without turning this first page; and let me +come myself, Garth, and tell you all the rest." + +"That is the bottom of the page," said Nurse Rosemary; and waited. + +Garth did not remove his hand. "I do completely trust; and she must +not come," he said. + +Nurse Rosemary turned the page, and went on reading. + +"I want you to remember, Garth, that every word I write, is the +simple unvarnished truth. If you look back over your remembrance of +me, you will admit that I am not naturally an untruthful person, nor +did I ever take easily to prevarication. But, Garth, I told you one +lie; and that fatal exception proves the rule of perfect +truthfulness, which has always otherwise held, between you and me; +and, please God, always will hold. The confession herein contained, +concerns that one lie; and I need not ask you to realise how +humbling it is to my pride to have to force the hearing of a +confession upon the man who has already refused to admit me to a +visit of friendship. You will remember that I am not naturally +humble; and have a considerable amount of proper pride; and, +perhaps, by the greatness of the effort I have had to make, you will +be able to gauge the greatness of my love. God help you to do so--my +darling; my beloved; my poor desolate boy!" + +Nurse Rosemary stopped abruptly; for, at this sudden mention of +love, and at these words of unexpected tenderness from Jane, Garth +had risen to his feet, and taken two steps towards the window; as if +to escape from something too immense to be faced. But, in a moment +he recovered himself, and sat down again, completely hiding his face +with his hand. + +Nurse Rosemary resumed the reading of the letter. + +"Ah, what a wrong I have done, both to you, and to myself! Dear, you +remember the evening on the terrace at Shenstone, when you asked me +to be--when you called me--when I WAS--YOUR WIFE? Garth, I leave +this last sentence as it stands, with its two attempts to reach the +truth. I will not cross them out, but leave them to be read to you; +for, you see Garth, I finally arrived! I WAS your wife. I did not +understand it then. I was intensely surprised; unbelievably +inexperienced in matters of feeling; and bewildered by the flood of +sensation which swept me off my feet and almost engulfed me. But +even then I knew that my soul arose and proclaimed you mate and +master. And when you held me, and your dear head lay upon my heart, +I knew, for the first time the meaning of the word ecstasy; and I +could have asked no kinder gift of heaven, than to prolong those +moments into hours." + +Nurse Rosemary's quiet voice broke, suddenly; and the reading +ceased. + +Garth was leaning forward, his head buried in his hands. A dry sob +rose in his throat, just at the very moment when Nurse Rosemary's +voice gave way. + +Garth recovered first. Without lifting his head, with a gesture of +protective affection and sympathy, he stretched his hand across the +table. + +"Poor little girl," he said, "I am so sorry. It is rough on you. If +only it had come when Brand was here! I am afraid you MUST go on; +but try to read without realising. Leave the realising to me." + +And Nurse Rosemary read on. + +"When you lifted your head in the moonlight and gazed long and +earnestly at me--Ah, those dear eyes!--your look suddenly made me +self-conscious. There swept over me a sense of my own exceeding +plainness, and of how little there was in what those dear eyes saw, +to provide reason, for that adoring look. Overwhelmed with a shy +shame I pressed your head back to the place where the eyes would be +hidden; and I realise now what a different construction you must +have put upon that action. Garth, I assure you, that when you lifted +your head the second time, and said, 'My wife,' it was the first +suggestion to my mind that this wonderful thing which was happening +meant--marriage. I know it must seem almost incredible, and more +like a child of eighteen, than a woman of thirty. But you must +remember, all my dealings with men up to that hour had been +handshakes, heartiest comradeship, and an occasional clap on the +shoulder given and received. And don't forget, dear King of my +heart, that, until one short week before, you had been amongst the +boys who called me 'good old Jane,' and addressed me in intimate +conversation as 'my dear fellow'! Don't forget that I had always +looked upon you as YEARS younger than myself; and though a strangely +sweet tie had grown up between us, since the evening of the concert +at Overdene, I had never realised it as love. Well--you will +remember how I asked for twelve hours to consider my answer; and you +yielded, immediately; (you were so perfect, all the time, Garth) and +left me, when I asked to be alone; left me, with a gesture I have +never forgotten. It was a revelation of the way in which the love of +a man such as you exalts the woman upon whom it is outpoured. The +hem of that gown has been a sacred thing to me, ever since. It is +always with me, though I never wear it.--A detailed account of the +hours which followed, I shall hope to give you some day, my dearest. +I cannot write it. Let me hurl on to paper, in all its crude +ugliness, the miserable fact which parted us; turning our dawning +joy to disillusion and sadness. Garth--it was this. I did not +believe your love would stand the test of my plainness. I knew what +a worshipper of beauty you were; how you must have it, in one form +or another, always around you. I got out my diary in which I had +recorded verbatim our conversation about the ugly preacher, whose +face became illumined into beauty, by the inspired glory within. And +you added that you never thought him ugly again; but he would always +be plain. And you said it was not the sort of face one would want to +have always before one at meals; but that you were not called upon +to undergo that discipline, which would be sheer martyrdom to you." + +"I was so interested, at the time; and so amused at the unconscious +way in which you stood and explained this, to quite the plainest +woman of your acquaintance, that I recorded it very fully in my +journal.--Alas! On that important night, I read the words, over and +over, until they took morbid hold upon my brain. Then--such is the +self-consciousness awakened in a woman by the fact that she is loved +and sought--I turned on all the lights around my mirror, and +critically and carefully examined the face you would have to see +every day behind your coffee-pot at breakfast, for years and years, +if I said 'Yes,' on the morrow. Darling, I did not see myself +through your eyes, as, thank God, I have done since. And I DID NOT +TRUST YOUR LOVE TO STAND THE TEST. It seemed to me, I was saving +both of us from future disappointment and misery, by bravely putting +away present joy, in order to avoid certain disenchantment. My +beloved, it will seem to you so coolly calculating, and so mean; so +unworthy of the great love you were even then lavishing upon me. But +remember, for years, your remarkable personal grace and beauty had +been a source of pleasure to me; and I had pictured you wedded to +Pauline Lister, for instance, in her dazzling whiteness, and soft +radiant youth. So my morbid self-consciousness said: 'What! This +young Apollo, tied to my ponderous plainness; growing handsomer +every year, while I grow older and plainer?' Ah, darling! It sounds +so unworthy, now we know what our love is. But it sounded sensible +and right that night; and at last, with a bosom that ached, and arms +that hung heavy at the thought of being emptied of all that joy, I +made up my mind to say 'no.' Ah, believe me, I had no idea what it +already meant to you. I thought you would pass on at once to another +fancy; and transfer your love to one more able to meet your needs, +at every point. Honestly, Garth, I thought I should be the only one +left desolate.--Then came the question: how to refuse you. I knew if +I gave the true reason, you would argue it away, and prove me wrong, +with glowing words, before which I should perforce yield. So--as I +really meant not to let you run the risk, and not to run it myself-- +I lied to you, my beloved. To you, whom my whole being acclaimed +King of my heart, Master of my will; supreme to me, in love and +life,--to YOU I said: 'I cannot marry a mere boy.' Ah, darling! I do +not excuse it. I do not defend it. I merely confess it; trusting to +your generosity to admit, that no other answer would have sent you +away. Ah, your poor Jane, left desolate! If you could have seen her +in the little church, calling you back; retracting and promising; +listening for your returning footsteps, in an agony of longing. But +my Garth is not made of the stuff which stands waiting on the door- +mat of a woman's indecision." + +"The lonely year which followed so broke my nerve, that Deryck Brand +told me I was going all to pieces, and ordered me abroad. I went, as +you know; and in other, and more vigorous, surroundings, there came +to me a saner view of life. In Egypt last March, on the summit of +the Great Pyramid, I made up my mind that I could live without you +no longer. I did not see myself wrong; but I yearned so for your +love, and to pour mine upon you, my beloved, that I concluded it was +worth the risk. I made up my mind to take the next boat home, and +send for you. Then--oh, my own boy--I heard. I wrote to you; and you +would not let me come." + +"Now I know perfectly well, that you might say: 'She did not trust +me when I had my sight. Now that I cannot see, she is no longer +afraid.' Garth, you might, say that; but it would not be true. I +have had ample proof lately that I was wrong, and ought to have +trusted you all through. What it is, I will tell you later. All I +can say now is: that, if your dear shining eyes could see, they +would see, NOW, a woman who is, trustfully and unquestioningly, all +your own. If she is doubtful of her face and figure, she says quite +simply: 'They pleased HIM; and they are just HIS. I have no further +right to criticise them. If he wants them, they are not mine, but +his.' Darling, I cannot tell you now, how I have arrived at this +assurance. But I have had proofs beyond words of your faithfulness +and love." + +"The question, therefore, simply resolves itself into this: Can you +forgive me? If you can forgive me, I can come to you at once. If +this thing is past forgiveness, I must make up my mind to stay away. +But, oh, my own Dear,--the bosom on which once you laid your head +waits for you with the longing ache of lonely years. If you need it, +do not thrust it from you." + +"Write me one word by your own hand: 'Forgiven.' It is all I ask. +When it reaches me, I will come to you at once. Do not dictate a +letter to your secretary. I could not bear it. Just write--if you +can truly write it--'FORGIVEN'; and send it to 'Your Wife.'" + +The room was very still, as Nurse Rosemary finished reading; and, +laying down the letter, silently waited. She wondered for a moment +whether she could get herself a glass of water, without disturbing +him; but decided to do without it. + +At last Garth lifted his head. + +"She has asked me to do a thing impossible," he said; and a slow +smile illumined his drawn face. + +Jane clasped her hands upon her breast. + +"CAN you not write 'forgiven'?" asked Nurse Rosemary, brokenly. + +"No," said Garth. "I cannot. Little girl, give me a sheet of paper, +and a pencil." + +Nurse Rosemary placed them close to his hand. + +Garth took up the pencil. He groped for the paper; felt the edges +with his left hand; found the centre with his fingers; and, in large +firm letters, wrote one word. + +"Is that legible?" he asked, passing it across to Nurse Rosemary. + +"Quite legible," she said; for she answered before it was blotted by +her tears. + +Instead of "forgiven," Garth had written: "LOVED." + +"Can you post it at once?" Garth asked, in a low, eager voice. "And +she will come--oh, my God, she will come! If we catch to-night's +mail, she may be here the day after to-morrow!" + +Nurse Rosemary took up the letter; and, by an almost superhuman +effort, spoke steadily. + +"Mr. Dalmain," she said; "there is a postscript to this letter. It +says: 'Write to The Palace Hotel, Aberdeen.'" + +Garth sprang up, his whole face and figure alive with excitement. + +"In Aberdeen?" he cried. "Jane, in Aberdeen! Oh, my God! If she gets +this paper to-morrow morning, she may be here any time in the day. +Jane! Jane! Dear little Rosemary, do you hear? Jane will come to- +morrow! Didn't I tell you something was going to happen? You and +Simpson were too British to understand; but Margery knew; and the +woods told us it was Joy coming through Pain. Could that be posted +at once, Miss Gray?" + +The May-Day mood was upon him again. His face shone. His figure was +electric with expectation. Nurse Rosemary sat at the table watching +him; her chin in her hands. A tender smile dawned on her lips, out +of keeping with her supposed face and figure; so full was it of the +glorious expectation of a mature and perfect love. + +"I will go to the post-office myself, Mr. Dalmain," she said. "I +shall be glad of the walk; and I can be back by tea-time." + +At the post-office she did not post the word in Garth's handwriting. +That lay hidden in her bosom. But she sent off two telegrams. The +first to + +The Duchess of Meldyum, + + Palace Hotel, Aberdeen. + + "Come here by 5.50 train without fail this evening." + +The second to + +Sir Deryck Brand, + + Wimpole Sheet, London. + + "All is right." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXV + +NURSE ROSEMARY HAS HER REWARD + + +"Mr. Dalmain," said Nurse Rosemary, with patient insistence, "I +really do want you to sit down, and give your mind to the tea-table. +How can you remember where each thing is placed, if you keep jumping +up, and moving your chair into different positions? And last time +you pounded the table to attract my attention, which was already +anxiously fixed upon you, you nearly knocked over your own tea, and +sent floods of mine into the saucer. If you cannot behave better, I +shall ask Margery for a pinafore, and sit you up on a high chair!" + +Garth stretched his legs in front of him, and his arms over his +head; and lay back in his chair, laughing joyously. + +"Then I should have to say: 'Please, Nurse, may I get down?' What a +cheeky little thing you are becoming! And you used to be quite +oppressively polite. I suppose you would answer: 'If you say your +grace nicely, Master Garth, you may.' Do you know the story of +'Tommy, you should say Your Grace'?" + +"You have told it to me twice in the last forty-eight hours," said +Nurse Rosemary, patiently. + +"Oh, what a pity! I felt so like telling it now. If you had really +been the sort of sympathetic person Sir Deryck described, you would +have said: 'No; and I should so LOVE to hear it!'" + +"No; and I should so LOVE to hear it!" said Nurse Rosemary. + +"Too late! That sort of thing, to have any value should be +spontaneous. It need not be true; but it MUST be spontaneous. But, +talking of a high chair,--when you say those chaffy things in a +voice like Jane's, and just as Jane would have said them--oh, my +wig!--Do you know, that is the duchess's only original little swear. +All the rest are quotations. And when she says: 'My wig!' we all try +not to look at it. It is usually slightly awry. The toucan tweaks +it. He is so very LOVING, dear bird!" + +"Now hand me the buttered toast," said Nurse Rosemary; "and don't +tell me any more naughty stories about the duchess. No! That is the +thin bread-and-butter. I told you you would lose your bearings. The +toast is in a warm plate on your right. Now let us make believe I am +Miss Champion, and hand it to me, as nicely as you will be handing +it to her, this time to-morrow." + +"It is easy to make believe you are Jane, with that voice," said +Garth; "and yet--I don't know. I have never really associated you +with her. One little sentence of old Rob's made all the difference +to me. He said you had fluffy floss-silk sort of hair. No one could +ever imagine Jane with fluffy floss-silk sort of hair! And I believe +that one sentence saved the situation. Otherwise, your voice would +have driven me mad, those first days. As it was, I used to wonder +sometimes if I could possibly bear it. You understand why, now; +don't you? And yet, in a way, it is NOT like hers. Hers is deeper; +and she often speaks with a delicious kind of drawl, and uses heaps +of slang; and you are such a very proper little person; and possess +what the primers call 'perfectly correct diction.' What fun it would +be to hear you and Jane talk together! And yet--I don't know. I +should be on thorns, all the time." + +"Why?" + +"I should be so awfully afraid lest you should not like one another. +You see, YOU have really, in a way, been more to me than any one +else in the world; and SHE--well, she IS my world," said Garth, +simply. "And I should be so afraid lest she should not fully +appreciate you; and you should not quite understand her. She has a +sort of way of standing and looking people up and down, and, women +hate it; especially pretty fluffy little women. They feel she spots +all the things that come off." + +"Nothing of mine comes off," murmured Nurse Rosemary, "excepting my +patient, when he will not stay on his chair." + +"Once," continued Garth, with the gleeful enjoyment in his voice +which always presaged a story in which Jane figured, "there was a +fearfully silly little woman staying at Overdene, when a lot of us +were there. We never could make out why she was included in one of +the duchess's 'best parties,' except that the dear duchess vastly +enjoyed taking her off, and telling stories about her; and we could +not appreciate the cleverness of the impersonation, unless we had +seen the original. She was rather pretty, in a fussy, curling-tongs, +wax-doll sort of way; but she never could let her appearance alone, +or allow people to forget it. Almost every sentence she spoke, drew +attention to it. We got very sick of it, and asked Jane to make her +shut up. But Jane said: 'It doesn't hurt you, boys; and it pleases +her. Let her be.' Jane was always extra nice to people, if she +suspected they were asked down in order to make sport for the +duchess afterwards. Jane hated that sort of thing. She couldn't say +much to her aunt; but we had to be very careful how we egged the +duchess on, if Jane was within hearing. Well--one evening, after +tea, a little group of us were waiting around the fire in the lower +hall, to talk to Jane. It was Christmas time. The logs looked so +jolly on the hearth. The red velvet curtains were drawn right +across, covering the terrace door and the windows on either side. +Tommy sat on his perch, in the centre of the group, keeping a keen +lookout for cigarette ends. Outside, the world was deep in snow; and +that wonderful silence reigned; making the talk and laughter within +all the more gay by contrast--you know, that PENETRATING silence; +when trees, and fields, and paths, are covered a foot thick in soft +sparkling whiteness. I always look forward, just as eagerly, each +winter to the first sight--ah, I forgot! . . . Fancy never seeing +snow again! . . . Never mind. It is something to remember HAVING +seen it; and I shall hear the wonderful snow-silence more clearly +than ever. Perhaps before other people pull up the blinds, I shall +be able to say: 'There's been a fall of snow in the night.' What was +I telling you? Yes, I remember. About little Mrs. Fussy. Well--all +the women had gone up to dress for dinner; excepting Jane, who never +needed more than half an hour; and Fussy, who was being sprightly, +in a laboured way; and fancied herself the centre of attraction +which kept us congregated in the hall. As a matter of fact, we were +waiting to tell Jane some private news we had just heard about a +young chap in the guards, who was in fearful hot water for ragging. +His colonel was an old friend of Jane's, and we thought she could +put in a word, and improve matters for Billy. So Mrs. Fussy was very +much de trop, and didn't know it. Jane was sitting with her back to +all of us, her feet on the fender, and her skirt turned up over her +knees. Oh, there was another one, underneath; a handsome silk thing, +with rows of little frills,--which you would think should have gone +on outside. But Jane's best things are never paraded; always hidden. +I don't mean clothes, now; but her splendid self. Well--little Fussy +was 'chatting'--she never talked--about herself and her conquests; +quite unconscious that we all wished her at Jericho. Jane went on +reading the evening paper; but she felt the atmosphere growing +restive. Presently--ah, but I must not tell you the rest. I have +just remembered. Jane made us promise never to repeat it. She +thought it detrimental to the other woman. But we just had time for +our confab; and Jane caught the evening post with the letter which +got Billy off scot-free; and yet came down punctually to dinner, +better dressed than any of them. We felt it rather hard luck to have +to promise; because we had each counted on being the first to tell +the story to the duchess. But, you know, you always have to do as +Jane says." + +"Why?" + +"Oh, I don't know! I can't explain why. If you knew her, you would +not need to ask. Cake, Miss Gray?" + +"Thank you. Right, this time." + +"There! That is exactly as Jane would have said: 'Right, this time.' +Is it not strange that after having for weeks thought your voice so +like hers, to-morrow I shall be thinking her voice so like yours?" + +"Oh, no, you will not," said Nurse Rosemary. "When she is with you, +you will have no thoughts for other people." + +"Indeed, but I shall!" cried Garth. "And, dear little Rosemary, I +shall miss you, horribly. No one--not even she--can take your place. +And, do you know," he leaned forward, and a troubled look clouded +the gladness of his face, "I am beginning to feel anxious about it. +She has not seen me since the accident. I am afraid it will give her +a shock. Do you think she will find me much changed?" + +Jane looked at the sightless face turned so anxiously toward her. +She remembered that morning in his room, when he thought himself +alone with Dr. Rob; and, leaving the shelter of the wall, sat up to +speak, and she saw his face for the first time. She remembered +turning to the fireplace, so that Dr. Rob should not see the tears +raining down her cheeks. She looked again at Garth--now growing +conscious, for the first time, of his disfigurement; and then, only +for her sake--and an almost overwhelming tenderness gripped her +heart. She glanced at the clock. She could not hold out much longer. + +"Is it very bad?" said Garth; and his voice shook. + +"I cannot answer for another woman," replied Nurse Rosemary; "but I +should think your face, just as it is, will always be her joy." + +Garth flushed; pleased and relieved, but slightly surprised. There +was a quality in Nurse Rosemary's voice, for which he could not +altogether account. + +"But then, she will not be accustomed to my blind ways," he +continued. "I am afraid I shall seem so helpless and so blundering. +She has not been in Sightless Land, as you and I have been. She does +not know all our plans of cords, and notches, and things. Ah, little +Rosemary! Promise not to leave me to-morrow. I want Her--only God, +knows how I want her; but I begin to be half afraid. It will be so +wonderful, for the great essentials; but, for the little every-day +happenings, which are so magnified by the darkness, oh, my kind +unseen guide, how I shall need you. At first, I thought it lucky you +had settled to go, just when she is coming; but now, just because +she is coming, I cannot let you go. Having her will be wonderful +beyond words; but it will not be the same as having you." + +Nurse Rosemary was receiving her reward, and she appeared to find it +rather overwhelming. + +As soon as she could speak, she said, gently: "Don't excite yourself +over it, Mr. Dalmain. Believe me, when you have been with her for +five minutes, you will find it just the same as having me. And how +do you know she has not also been in Sightless Land? A nurse would +do that sort of thing, because she was very keen on her profession, +and on making a success of her case. The woman who loves you would +do it for love of you." + +"It would be like her," said Garth; and leaned back, a look of deep +contentment gathering on his face. "Oh, Jane! Jane! She is coming! +She is coming!" + +Nurse Rosemary looked at the clock. + +"Yes; she is coming," she said; and though her voice was steady, her +hands trembled. "And, as it is our last evening together under quite +the same circumstances as during all these weeks, will you agree to +a plan of mine? I must go upstairs now, and do some packing, and +make a few arrangements. But will you dress early? I will do the +same; and if you could be down in the library by half-past six, we +might have some music before dinner." + +"Why certainly," said Garth. "It makes no difference to me at what +time I dress; and I am always ready for music. But, I say: I wish +you were not packing, Miss Gray." + +"I am not exactly packing up," replied Nurse Rosemary. "I am packing +things away." + +"It is all the same, if it means leaving. But you have promised not +to go until she comes?" + +"I will not go--until she comes." + +"And you will tell her all the things she ought to know?" + +"She shall know all I know, which could add to your comfort." + +"And you will not leave me, until I am really--well, getting on all +right?" + +"I will never leave you, while you need me," said Nurse Rosemary. +And again Garth detected that peculiar quality in her voice. He +rose, and came towards where he heard her to be standing. + +"Do you know, you are no end of a brick," he said, with emotion. +Then he held out both hands towards her. "Put your hands in mine +just for once, little Rosemary. I want to try to thank you." + +There was a moment of hesitation. Two strong capable hands--strong +and capable, though, just then, they trembled--nearly went home to +his; but were withdrawn just in time. Jane's hour was not yet. This +was Nurse Rosemary's moment of triumph and success. It should not be +taken from her. + +"This evening," she said, softly, "after the music, we will--shake +hands. Now be careful, sir. You are stranded. Wait. Here is the +garden-cord, just to your left. Take a little air on the terrace; +and sing again the lovely song I heard under my window this morning. +And now that you know what it is that is 'going to happen,' this +exquisite May-Day evening will fill you with tender expectation. +Good-bye, sir--for an hour." + +"What has come to little Rosemary?" mused Garth, as he felt for his +cane, in its corner by the window. "We could not have gone on +indefinitely quite as we have been, since she came in from the post- +office." + +He walked on; a troubled look clouding his face: Suddenly it lifted, +and he stood still, and laughed. "Duffer!" he said. "Oh, what a +conceited duffer! She is thinking of her 'young man.' She is going +to him to-morrow; and her mind is full of him; just as mine is full +of Jane. Dear, good, clever, little Rosemary! I hope he is worthy of +her. No; that he cannot be. I hope he knows he is NOT worthy of her. +That is more to the point. I hope he will receive her as she +expects. Somehow, I hate letting her go to him. Oh, hang the +fellow!--as Tommy would say." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVI + +THE REVELATION OF THE ROSARY + + +Simpson was crossing the hall just before half-past six o'clock. He +had left his master in the library. He heard a rustle just above +him; and, looking up, saw a tall figure descending the wide oak +staircase. + +Simpson stood transfixed. The soft black evening-gown, with its +trailing folds, and old lace at the bosom, did not impress him so +much as the quiet look of certainty and power on the calm face above +them. + +"Simpson," said Jane, "my aunt, the Duchess of Meldrum, and her +maid, and her footman, and a rather large quantity of luggage, will +be arriving from Aberdeen, at about half-past seven. Mrs. Graem +knows about preparing rooms; and I have given James orders for +meeting the train with the brougham, and the luggage-cart. The +duchess dislikes motors. When her Grace arrives, you can show her +into the library. We will dine in the dining-room at a quarter past +eight. Meanwhile, Mr. Dalmain and myself are particularly engaged +just now, and must not be disturbed on any account, until the +duchess's arrival. You quite understand?" + +"Yes, miss-m'lady," stammered Simpson. He had been boot-boy in a +ducal household early in his career; and he considered duchesses' +nieces to be people before whom one should bow down. + +Jane smiled. "'Miss' is quite sufficient, Simpson," she said; and +swept towards the library. + +Garth heard her enter, and close the door; and his quick ear caught +the rustle of a train. + +"Hullo, Miss Gray," he said. "Packed your uniform?" + +"Yes," said Jane. "I told you I was packing." + +She came slowly across the room, and stood on the hearth-rug looking +down at him. He was in full evening-dress; just as at Shenstone on +that memorable night; and, as he sat well back in his deep arm- +chair, one knee crossed over the other, she saw the crimson line of +his favourite silk socks. + +Jane stood looking down upon him. Her hour had come at last. But +even now she must, for his sake, be careful and patient. + +"I did not hear the song," she said. + +"No," replied Garth. "At first, I forgot. And when I remembered, I +had been thinking of other things, and somehow--ah, Miss Gray! I +cannot sing to-night. My soul is dumb with longing." + +"I know," said Jane, gently; "and I am going to sing to you." + +A faint look of surprise crossed Garth's face. "Do you sing?" he +asked. "Then why have you not sung before?" + +"When I arrived," said Jane, "Dr. Rob asked me whether I played. I +said: 'A little.' Thereupon he concluded I sang a little, too; and +he forbade me, most peremptorily, either to play a little; or sing a +little, to you. He said he did not want you driven altogether mad." + +Garth burst out laughing. + +"How like old Robbie," he said. "And, in spite of his injunctions, +are you going to take the risk, and 'sing a little,' to me, to- +night?" + +"No," said Jane. "I take no risks. I am going to sing you one song. +Here is the purple cord, at your right hand. There is nothing +between you and the piano; and you are facing towards it. If you +want to stop me--you can come." + +She walked to the instrument, and sat down. + +Over the top of the grand piano, she could see him, leaning back in +his chair; a slightly amused smile playing about his lips. He was +evidently still enjoying the humour of Dr. Rob's prohibition. + +The Rosary has but one opening chord. She struck it; her eyes upon +his face. She saw him sit up, instantly; a look of surprise, +expectation, bewilderment, gathering there. + +Then she began to sing. The deep rich voice, low and vibrant, as the +softest tone of 'cello, thrilled into the startled silence. + + "The hours I spent with thee, dear heart, + Are as a string of pearls to me; + I count them over, ev'ry one apart, + My rosary,--my rosary. + Each hour a pearl--" + + Jane got no further. + +Garth had risen. He spoke no word; but he was coming blindly over to +the piano. She turned on the music-stool, her arms held out to +receive him. Now he had found the woodwork. His hand crashed down +upon the bass. Now he had found her. He was on his knees, his arms +around her. Hers enveloped him--, yearning, tender, hungry with the +repressed longing of all those hard weeks. + +He lifted his sightless face to hers, for one moment. "You?" he +said. "YOU? You--all the time?" + +Then he hid his face in the soft lace at her breast. + +"Oh, my boy, my darling!" said Jane, tenderly; holding the dear head +close. "Yes; I, all the time; all the time near him, in his loss and +pain. Could I have stopped away? But, oh, Garth! What it is, at last +to hold you, and touch you, and feel you here! . . . Yes, it is I. +Oh, my beloved, are you not quite sure? Who else could hold you +thus? . . . Take care, my darling! Come over to the couch, just +here; and sit beside me." + +Garth rose, and raised her, without loosing her; and she guided +herself and him to a safer seat close by. But there again he flung +himself upon his knees, and held her; his arms around her waist; his +face hidden in the shelter of her bosom. + +"Ah,--darling, darling," said Jane softly, and her hands stole up +behind his head, with a touch of unspeakable protective tenderness; +"it has been so sweet to wait upon my boy; and help him in his +darkness; and shield him from unnecessary pain; and be always there, +to meet his every need. But I could not come myself--until he knew; +and understood; and had forgiven--no, not 'forgiven'; understood, +and yet still LOVED. For he does now understand? And he does +forgive? . . . Oh, Garth! . . . Oh--hush, my darling! . . . You +frighten me! . . . No, I will never leave you; never, never! . . . +Oh, can't you understand, my beloved? . . . Then I must tell you +more plainly. Darling,--do be still, and listen. Just for a few days +we must be as we have been; only my boy will know it is I who am +near him. Aunt 'Gina is coming this evening. She will be here in +half an hour. Then, as soon as possible we will get a special +license; and we will be married, Garth; and then--" Jane paused; and +the man who knelt beside her, held his breath to listen--"and then," +continued Jane in a low tender voice, which gathered in depth of +sacred mystery, yet did not falter--"then it will be my highest joy, +to be always with my husband, night and day." + +A long sweet silence. The tempest of emotion in her arms was hushed +to rest. The eternal voice of perfect love had whispered: "Peace, be +still"; and there was a great calm. + +At last Garth lifted his head. "Always? Always together?" he said. +"Ah, that will be 'perpetual light!'" + + * * * * * * * + +When Simpson, pale with importance, flung open the library door, and +announced: "Her Grace, the Duchess of Meldrum," Jane was seated at +the piano, playing soft dreamy chords; and a slim young man, in +evening dress, advanced with eager hospitality to greet his guest. + +The duchess either did not see, or chose to ignore the guiding cord. +She took his outstretched hand warmly in both her own. + +"Goodness gracious, my dear Dal! How you surprise me! I expected to +find you blind! And here you are striding about, just your old +handsome self!" + +"Dear Duchess," said Garth, and stooping, kissed the kind old hands +still holding his; "I cannot see you, I am sorry to say; but I don't +feel very blind to-night. My darkness has been lightened by a joy +beyond expression." + +"Oh ho! So that's the way the land lies! Now which are you going to +marry? The nurse,--who, I gather, is a most respectable young +person, and highly recommended; or that hussy, Jane; who, without +the smallest compunction, orders her poor aunt from one end of the +kingdom to the other, to suit her own convenience?" + +Jane came over from the piano, and slipped her hand through her +lover's arm. + +"Dear Aunt 'Gina," she said; "you know you loved coming; because you +enjoy a mystery, and like being a dear old 'deus ex machina,' at the +right moment. And he is going to marry them both; because they both +love him far too dearly ever to leave him again; and he seems to +think he cannot do without either." + +The duchess looked at the two radiant faces; one sightless; the +other, with glad proud eyes for both; and her own filled with tears. + +"Hoity-toity!" she said. "Are we in Salt Lake City? Well, we always +thought one girl would not do for Dal; he would need the combined +perfections of several; and he appears to think he has found them. +God bless you both, you absurdly happy people; and I will bless you, +too; but not until I have dined. Now, ring for that very nervous +person, with side-whiskers; and tell him I want my maid, and my +room, and I want to know where they have put my toucan. I had to +bring him, Jane. He is so LOVING, dear bird! I knew you would think +him in the way; but I really could not leave him behind." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVII + +"IN THE FACE OF THIS CONGREGATION" + + +The society paragraphs would have described it as "a very quiet +wedding," when Garth and Jane, a few days later, were pronounced +"man and wife together," in the little Episcopal church among the +hills. + +Perhaps, to those who were present, it stands out rather as an +unusual wedding, than as a quiet one. + +To Garth and Jane the essential thing was to be married, and left to +themselves, with as little delay as possible. They could not be +induced to pay any attention to details as to the manner in which +this desired end was to be attained. Jane left it entirely to the +doctor, in one practical though casual sentence: "Just make sure it +is valid, Dicky; and send us in the bills." + +The duchess, being a true conservative, early began mentioning +veils, orange-blossom, and white satin; but Jane said: "My dear +Aunt! Fancy me--in orange-blossom! I should look like a Christmas +pantomime. And I never wear veils, even in motors; and white satin +is a form of clothing I have always had the wisdom to avoid." + +"Then in what do you intend to be married, unnatural girl?" inquired +the duchess. + +"In whatever I happen to put on, that morning," replied Jane, +knotting the silk of a soft crimson cord she was knitting; and +glancing out of the window, to where Garth sat smoking, on the +terrace. + +"Have you a time-table?" inquired her Grace of Meldrum, with +dangerous calmness. "And can you send me to the station this +afternoon?" + +"We can always send to the station, at a moment's notice," said +Jane, working in a golden strand, and considering the effect. "But +where are you going, dear Aunt 'Gina? You know Deryck and Flower +arrive this evening." + +"I am washing my hands of you, and going South," said the duchess, +wrathfully. + +"Don't do that, dear," said Jane, placidly. "You have washed your +hands of me so often; and, like the blood of King Duncan of +Scotland, I am upon them still. 'All the perfumes of Arabia will not +sweeten this little hand.'" Then, raising her voice: "Garth, if you +want to walk, just give a call. I am here, talking over my trousseau +with Aunt 'Gina." + +"What is a trousseau?" came back in Garth's happy voice. + +"A thing you get into to be married," said Jane. + +"Then let's get into it quickly," shouted Garth, with enthusiasm. + +"Dear Aunt," said Jane, "let us make a compromise. I have some quite +nice clothes upstairs, including Redfern tailor-mades, and several +uniforms. Let your maid look through them, and whatever you select, +and she puts out in readiness on my wedding morning, I promise to +wear." + +This resulted in Jane appearing at the church in a long blue cloth +coat and skirt, handsomely embroidered with gold, and suiting her +large figure to perfection; a deep yellow vest of brocaded silk; and +old lace ruffles at neck and wrists. + +Garth was as anxious about his wedding garments, as Jane had been +indifferent over hers; but he had so often been in requisition as +best-man at town weddings, that Simpson had no difficulty in turning +him out in the acme of correct bridal attire. And very handsome he +looked, as he stood waiting at the chancel steps; not watching for +his bride; but obviously listening for her; for, as Jane came up the +church on Deryck's arm, Garth slightly turned his head and smiled. + +The duchess--resplendent in purple satin and ermine, with white +plumes in her bonnet, and many jewelled chains depending from her, +which rattled and tinkled, in the silence of the church, every time +she moved--was in a front pew on the left, ready to give her niece +away. + +In a corresponding seat, on the opposite side, as near as possible +to the bridegroom, sat Margery Graem, in black silk, with a small +quilted satin bonnet, and a white lawn kerchief folded over the +faithful old heart which had beaten in tenderness for Garth since +his babyhood. She turned her head anxiously, every time the duchess +jingled; but otherwise kept her eyes fixed on the marriage service, +in a large-print prayer-book in her lap. Margery was not used to the +Episcopal service, and she had her "doots" as to whether it could +possibly be gone through correctly, by all parties concerned. In +fact this anxiety of old Margery's increased so painfully when the +ceremony actually commenced, that it took audible form; and she +repeated all the answers of the bridal pair, in an impressive +whisper, after them. + +Dr. Rob, being the only available bachelor, did duty as best-man; +Jane having stipulated that he should not be intrusted with the +ring; her previous observations leading her to conclude that he +would most probably slip it unconsciously on to his finger, and then +search through all his own pockets and all Garth's; and begin taking +up the church matting, before it occurred to him to look at his +hand. Jane would not have minded the diversion, but she did object +to any delay. So the ring went to church in Garth's waistcoat +pocket, where it had lived since Jane brought it out from Aberdeen; +and, without any fumbling or hesitation, was quietly laid by him +upon the open book. + +Dr. Rob had charge of the fees for clerk, verger, bell-ringers, and +every person, connected with the church, who could possibly have a +tip pressed upon them. + +Garth was generous in his gladness, and eager to do all things in a +manner worthy of the great gift made fully his that day. So Dr. Rob +was well provided with the wherewithal; and this he jingled in his +pockets as soon as the exhortation commenced, and his interest in +the proceedings resulted in his fatal habit of unconsciousness of +his own actions. Thus he and the duchess kept up a tinkling duet, +each hearing the other, and not their own sounds. So the duchess +glared at Dr. Rob; and Dr. Rob frowned at the duchess; and old +Margery looked tearfully at both. + +Deryck Brand, the tallest man in the church, his fine figure showing +to advantage in the long frock coat with silk facings, which Lady +Brand had pronounced indispensable to the occasion, retired to a +seat beside his wife, just behind old Margery, as soon as he had +conducted Jane to Garth's side. As Jane removed her hand from his +arm, she turned and smiled at him; and a long look passed between +them. All the memories, all the comprehension, all the trust and +affection of years, seemed to concentrate in that look; and Lady +Brand's eyes dropped to her dainty white and gold prayer-book. She +had never known jealousy; the doctor had never given her any +possible reason for acquiring that cruel knowledge. His Flower +bloomed for him; and her fragrance alone made his continual joy. All +other lovely women were mere botanical specimens, to be examined and +classified. But Flower had never quite understood the depth of the +friendship between her husband and Jane, founded on the associations +and aspirations of childhood and early youth, and a certain +similarity of character which would not have wedded well, but which +worked out into a comradeship, providing a source of strength for +both. Of late, Flower had earnestly tried to share, even while +failing to comprehend, it. + +Perhaps she, in her pale primrose gown, with daffodils at her waist, +and sunbeams in her golden hair, was the most truly bridal figure in +the church. As the doctor turned from the bride, and sought his +place beside her in the pew, he looked at the sweet face, bent so +demurely over the prayer-book, and thought he had never seen his +wife look more entrancingly lovely. Unconsciously his hand strayed +to the white rosebud she had fastened in his coat as they strolled +round the conservatory together that morning. Flower, glancing up, +surprised his look. She did not think it right to smile in church; +but a delicate wave of colour swept over her face, and her cheek +leaned as near the doctor's shoulder, as the size of her hat would +allow. Flower felt quite certain that was a look the doctor had +never given Jane. + +The service commenced. The short-sighted clergyman, very nervous, +and rather overwhelmed by the unusual facts of a special license, a +blind bridegroom, and the reported presence of a duchess, began +reading very fast, in an undertone, which old Margery could not +follow, though her finger, imprisoned in unwonted kid, hurried along +the lines. Then conscious of his mistake, he slowed down, and became +too impressive; making long nerve-straining pauses, fled in by the +tinkling of the duchess, and the chinking in Dr. Rob's trousers- +pockets. + +Thus they arrived at the demand upon the congregation, if they could +show any just cause why these two persons might not lawfully be +joined together, NOW to speak--and the pause here was so long, and +so over-powering, that old Margery said "nay"; and then gave a +nervous sob. The bridegroom turned and smiled in the direction of +the voice; and the doctor, leaning forward, laid his hand on the +trembling shoulder, and whispered: "Steady, old friend. It is all +right." + +There was no pause whatever after the solemn charge to the couple; +so if Garth and Jane had any secrets to disclose, they had perforce +to keep them for after discussion. + +Then Jane found her right hand firmly clasped in Garth's; and no +inadequacy of the Church's mouth-piece could destroy the exquisite +beauty of the Church's words, in which Garth was asked if he would +take her to be his own. + +To this, Garth, and old Margery, said. they would; with considerable +display of emotion. + +Then the all-comprehensive question was put to Jane; the Church +seeming to remind her gently, that she took him in his blindness, +with all which that might entail. + +Jane said: "I will"; and the deep, tender voice, was the voice of +The Rosary. + +When the words were uttered, Garth lifted the hand he held, and +reverently kissed it. + +This was not in the rubric, and proved disconcerting to the +clergyman. He threw up his head suddenly, and inquired: "Who giveth +this woman to be married to this man?" And as, for the moment, there +was no response, he repeated, the question wildly; gazing into +distant corners of the church. + +Then the duchess, who up to that time had been feeling a little +bored, realised that her moment had come, and rejoiced. She sailed +out of her pew, and advanced to the chancel step. "My dear good +man," she said; "_I_ give my niece away; having come north at +considerable inconvenience for that express purpose. Now, go on. +What do we do next?" + +Dr. Rob broke into an uncontrollable chuckle. The duchess lifted her +lorgnette, and surveyed him. Margery searched her prayer-book in +vain for the duchess's response. It did not appear to be there. + +Flower looked in distressed appeal at the doctor. But the doctor was +studying, with grave intentness, a stencilled pattern on the chancel +roof; and paid no attention to Flower's nudge. + +The only people completely unconscious of anything unusual in the +order of proceedings appeared to be the bride and bridegroom. They +were taking each other "in the sight of God, and in the face of this +congregation." They were altogether absorbed in each other, standing +together in the sight of God; and the deportment of "this +congregation" was a matter they scarcely noticed. "People always +behave grotesquely at weddings," Jane had said to Garth, beforehand; +"and ours will be no exception to the general rule. But we can close +our eyes, and stand together in Sightless Land; and Deryck will take +care it is valid." + +"Not in Sightless Land, my beloved," said Garth; "but in the Land +where they need no candle neither light of the sun. However, and +wherever, I take YOU as my wife, I shall be standing on the summit +of God's heaven." + +So they stood; and in their calmness the church hushed to silence. +The service proceeded; and the minister, who had not known how to +keep them from clasping hands when the rubric did not require it, +found no difficulty in inducing them to do so again. + +So they took each other--these two, who were so deeply each other's +already--solemnly, reverently, tenderly, in the sight of God, they +took each other, according to God's holy ordinance; and the wedding +ring, type of that eternal love which has neither beginning nor +ending, passed from Garth's pocket, over the Holy Book, on to Jane's +finger. + +When it was over, she took his arm; and leaning upon it, so that he +could feel she leaned, guided him to the vestry. + +Afterwards, in the brougham, for those few precious minutes, when +husband and wife find themselves alone for the first time, Garth +turned to Jane with an eager naturalness, which thrilled her heart +as no studied speech could have done. He did not say: "My wife." +That unique moment had been theirs, three years before. + +"Dearest," he said, "how soon will they all go? How soon shall we be +quite alone? Oh, why couldn't they drive to the station from the +church?" + +Jane looked at her watch. "Because we must lunch them, dear," she +said. "Think how good they have all been. And we could not start our +married life by being inhospitable. It is just one o'clock; and we +ordered luncheon at half-past. Their train leaves the station at +half-past four. In three hours, Garth, we shall be alone." + +"Shall I be able to behave nicely for three hours?" exclaimed Garth, +boyishly. + +"You must," said Jane, "or I shall fetch Nurse Rosemary." + +"Oh hush!" he said. "All that is too precious, to-day, for chaff. +Jane"--he turned suddenly, and laid his hand on hers--"Jane! Do you +understand that you are now--actually--my wife?" + +Jane took his hand, and held it against her heart, just where she so +often had pressed her own, when she feared he would hear it +throbbing. + +"My darling," she said, "I do not understand it. But I know--ah, +thank God!--I know it to be true." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVIII + +PERPETUAL LIGHT + + +Moonlight on the terrace--silvery, white, serene. Garth and Jane had +stepped out into the brightness; and, finding the night so warm and +still, and the nightingales filling the woods and hills with soft- +throated music, they moved their usual fireside chairs close to the +parapet, and sat there in restful comfort, listening to the sweet +sounds of the quiet night. + +The solitude was so perfect; the restfulness so complete. Garth had +removed the cushion seat from his chair, and placed it on the +gravel; and sat at his wife's feet leaning against her knees. She +stroked his hair and brow softly, as they talked; and every now and +then he put up his hand, drew hers to his lips, and kissed the ring +he had never seen. + +Long tender silences fell between them. Now that they were at last +alone, thoughts too deep, joys too sacred for words, trembled about +them; and silence seemed to express more than speech. Only, Garth +could not bear Jane to be for a moment out of reach of his hand. +What to another would have been: "I cannot let her out of my sight," +was, to him, "I cannot let her be beyond my touch." And Jane fully +understood this; and let him feel her every moment within reach. And +the bliss of this was hers as well as his; for sometimes it had +seemed to her as if the hunger in her heart, caused by those long +weeks of waiting, when her arms ached for him, and yet she dared not +even touch his hand, would never be appeased. + +"Sweet, sweet, sweet--thrill," sang a nightingale in the wood. And +Garth whistled an exact imitation. + +"Oh, darling," said Jane, "that reminds me; there is something I do +so want you to sing to me. I don't know what it is; but I think you +will remember. It was on that Monday evening, after I had seen the +pictures, and Nurse Rosemary had described them to you. Both our +poor hearts were on the rack; and I went up early in order to begin +my letter of confession; but you told Simpson not to come for you +until eleven. While I was writing in the room above, I could hear +you playing in the library. You played many things I knew--music we +had done together, long ago. And then a theme I had never heard +crept in, and caught my ear at once, because it was quite new to me, +and so marvellously sweet. I put down my pen and listened. You +played it several times, with slight variations, as if trying to +recall it. And then, to my joy, you began to sing. I crossed the +room; softly opened my window, and leaned out. I could hear some of +the words; but not all. Two lines, however, reached me distinctly, +with such penetrating, tender sadness, that I laid my head against +the window-frame, feeling as if I could write no more, and wait no +longer, but must go straight to you at once." + +Garth drew down the dear hand which had held the pen that night; +turned it over, and softly kissed the palm. + +"What were they, Jane?" he said. + + "'Lead us, O Christ, when all is gone, + Safe home at last.'" + +"And oh, my darling, the pathos of those words, 'when all is gone'! +Whoever wrote that music, had been through suffering such as ours. +Then came a theme of such inspiring hopefulness and joy, that I +arose, armed with fresh courage; took up my pen, and went on with my +letter. Again two lines had reached me:" + + "'Where Thou, Eternal Light of Light, + Art Lord of All.'" + +"What is it, Garth? And whose? And where did you hear it? And will +you sing it to me now, darling? I have a sudden wish that you should +sing it, here and now; and I can't wait!" + +Garth sat up, and laughed--a short happy laugh, in which all sorts +of emotions were mingled. + +"Jane! I like to hear you say you can't wait. It isn't like you; +because you are so strong and patient. And yet it is so deliciously +like you, if you FEEL it, to SAY it. I found the words in the +Anthem-book at Worcester Cathedral, this time last year, at even- +song. I copied them into my pocket-book, during the reading of the +first lesson, I am ashamed to say; but it was all about what Balak +said unto Balaam, and Balaam said unto Balak,--so I hope I may be +forgiven! They seemed to me some of the most beautiful words I had +ever read; and, fortunately, I committed them to memory. Of course, +I will sing them to you, if you wish, here and now. But I am afraid +the air will sound rather poor without the accompaniment. However, +not for worlds would I move from here, at this moment." + +So sitting up; in the moonlight, with his back to Jane, his face +uplifted, and his hands clasped around one knee, Garth sang. Much +practice had added greatly to the sweetness and flexibility of his +voice; and he rendered perfectly the exquisite melody to which the +words were set. + +Jane listened with an overflowing heart. + + "The radiant morn hath passed away, + And spent too soon her golden store; + The shadows of departing day + Creep on once more. + "Our life is but a fading dawn, + Its glorious noon, how quickly past! + Lead us, O Christ, when all is gone, + Safe home at last. + "Where saints are clothed in spotless white, + And evening shadows never fall; + where Thou, Eternal Light of Light, + Art Lord of All." + +The triumphant worship of the last line rang out into the night, and +died away. Garth loosed his hands, and leaned back, with a sigh of +vast content, against his wife's knees. + +"Beautiful!" she said. "Beautiful! Garthie--perhaps it is because +YOU sang it; and to-night;--but it seems to me the most beautiful +thing I ever heard. Ah, and how appropriate for us; on this day, of +all days." + +"Oh, I don't know," said Garth, stretching his legs in front of him, +and crossing his feet the one over the other. "I certainly feel +'Safe home at last'--not because 'all is gone'; but because I HAVE +all, in having you, Jane." + +Jane bent, and laid her cheek upon his head. "My own boy," she said, +"you have all I have to give--all, ALL. But, darling, in those dark +days which are past, all seemed gone, for us both. 'Lead us, O +Christ'--It was He who led us safely through the darkness, and has +brought us to this. And Garth, I love to know that He is Lord of +All--Lord of our joy; Lord of our love; Lord of our lives--our +wedded lives, my husband. We could not be so safely, so blissfully, +each other's, were we not ONE, IN HIM. Is this true for you also, +Garth?" + +Garth felt for her left hand, drew it down, and laid his cheek +against it; then gently twisted the wedding ring that he might kiss +it all round. + +"Yes, my wife," he said. "I thank God, that I can say in all things: +'Thou, Eternal Light of Light, art Lord of All.'" + +A long sweet silence. Then Jane said, suddenly: "Oh, but the music, +Garthie! That exquisite setting. Whose is it? And where did you hear +it?" + +Garth laughed again; a laugh of half-shy pleasure. + +"I am glad you like it, Jane," he said, "because I must plead guilty +to the fact that it is my own. You see, I knew no music for it; the +Anthem-book gave the words only. And on that awful night, when +little Rosemary had mercilessly rubbed it in, about 'the lady +portrayed'; and what her love MUST have been, and WOULD have been, +and COULD have been; and had made me SEE 'The Wife' again, and 'The- +-' the other picture; I felt so bruised, and sore, and lonely. And +then those words came to my mind: 'Lead us, O Christ, when all is +gone, safe home at last.' All seemed gone indeed; and there seemed +no home to hope for, in this world." He raised himself a little, and +then leaned back again; so that his head rested against her bosom. +"Safe home at last," he said, and stayed quite still for a moment, +in utter content. Then remembered what he was telling her, and went +on eagerly. + +"So those words came back to me; and to get away from despairing +thoughts, I began reciting them, to an accompaniment of chords." + + "'The radiant morn hath passed away, + And spent too soon her golden store; + The shadows of departing day--'" + +"And then--suddenly, Jane--I SAW it, pictured in sound! Just as I +used to SEE a sunset, in light and shadow, and then transfer it to +my canvas in shade and colour,-so I heard a SUNSET in harmony, and I +felt the same kind of tingle in my fingers as I used to feel when +inspiration came, and I could catch up my brushes and palette. So I +played the sunset. And then I got the theme for life fading, and +what one feels when the glorious noon is suddenly plunged into +darkness; and then the prayer. And then, I HEARD a vision of heaven, +where evening shadows never fall: And after that came the end; just +certainty, and worship, and peace. You see the eventual theme, +worked out of all this. It was like making studies for a picture. +That was why you heard it over and over. I wasn't trying to +remember. I was gathering it into final form. I am awfully glad you +like it, Jane; because if I show you how the harmonies go, perhaps +you could write it down. And it would mean such a lot to me, if you +thought it worth singing. I could play the accompaniment--Hullo! Is +it beginning to rain? I felt a drop on my cheek, and another on my +hand." + +No answer. Then he felt the heave, with which Jane caught her +breath; and realised that she was weeping. + +In a moment he was on his knees in front of her. "Jane! Why, what is +the matter; Sweet? What on earth--? Have I said anything to trouble +you? Jane, what is it? O God, why can't I see her!" + +Jane mastered her emotion; controlling her voice, with an immense +effort. Then drew him down beside her. + +"Hush, darling, hush! It is only a great joy--a wonderful surprise. +Lean against me again, and I will try to tell you. Do you know that +you have composed some of the most beautiful music in the world? Do +you know, my own boy, that not only your proud and happy wife, but +ALL women who can sing, will want to sing your music? Garthie, do +you realise what it means? The creative faculty is so strong in you, +that when one outlet was denied it, it burst forth through another. +When you had your sight, you created by the hand and EYE. Now, you +will create by the hand and EAR. The power is the same. It merely +works through another channel. But oh, think what it means! Think! +The world lies before you once more!" + +Garth laughed, and put up his hand to the dear face, still wet with +thankful tears. + +"Oh, bother the world!" he said. "I don't want the world. I only +want my wife." + +Jane put her arms around him. Ah, what a boy he was in some ways! +How full of light-hearted, irrepressible, essential youth. Just then +she felt so much older than he; but how little that mattered. The +better could she wrap him round with the greatness of her +tenderness; shield him from every jar or disillusion; and help him +to make the most of his great gifts. + +"I know, darling," she said. "And you have her. She is just ALL +YOURS. But think of the wonderful future. Thank God, I know enough +of the technical part, to write the scores of your compositions. +And, Garth,--fancy going together to noble cathedrals, and hearing +your anthems sung; and to concerts where the most perfect voices in +the world will be doing their utmost adequately to render your +songs. Fancy thrilling hearts with pure harmony, stirring souls with +tone-pictures; just as before you used to awaken in us all, by your +wonderful paintings, an appreciation and comprehension of beauty." + +Garth raised his head. "Is it really as good as that, Jane?" he +said. + +"Dear," answered Jane, earnestly, "I can only tell you, that when +you sang it first, and I had not the faintest idea it was yours, I +said to myself: 'It is the most beautiful thing I ever heard.'" + +"I am glad," said Garth, simply. "And now, let's talk of something +else. Oh, I say, Jane! The present is too wonderful, to leave any +possible room for thoughts about the future. Do talk about the +present." + +Jane smiled; and it was the smile of "The Wife"--mysterious; +compassionate; tender; self-surrendering. She leaned over him, and +rested her cheek upon his head. + +"Yes, darling. We will talk of this very moment, if you wish. You +begin." + +"Look at the house, and describe it to me, as you see it in the +moonlight." + +"Very grey, and calm, and restful-looking. And so home-like, +Garthie." + +"Are there lights in the windows?" + +"Yes. The library lights are just as we left them. The French window +is standing wide open. The pedestal lamp, under a crimson silk +shade, looks very pretty from here, shedding a warm glow over the +interior. Then, I can see one candle in the dining-room. I think +Simpson is putting away silver." + +"Any others, Jane?" + +"Yes, darling. There is a light in the Oriel chamber. I can see +Margery moving to and fro. She seems to be arranging my things, and +giving final touches. There is also a light in your room, next door. +Ah, now she has gone through. I see her standing and looking round +to make sure all is right. Dear faithful old heart! Garth, how sweet +it is to be at home to-day; served and tended by those who really +love us." + +"I am so glad you feel that," said Garth. "I half feared you might +regret not having an ordinary honeymoon--And yet, no! I wasn't +really afraid of that, or of anything. Just, together at last, was +all we wanted. Wasn't it, my wife?" + +"All." + +A clock in the house struck nine. + +"Dear old clock," said Garth, softly. "I used to hear it strike +nine, when I was a little chap in my crib, trying to keep awake +until my mother rustled past; and went into her room. The door +between her room and mine used to stand ajar, and I could see her +candle appear in a long streak upon my ceiling. When I saw that +streak, I fell asleep immediately. It was such a comfort to know she +was there; and would not go down again. Jane, do you like the Oriel +chamber?" + +"Yes, dear. It is a lovely room; and very sacred because it was +hers. Do you know, Aunt Georgina insisted upon seeing it, Garth; and +said it ought to be whitened and papered. But I would not hear of +that; because the beautiful old ceiling is hand-painted, and so are +the walls; and I was certain you had loved those paintings, as a +little boy; and would remember them now." + +"Ah, yes," said Garth, eagerly. "A French artist stayed here, and +did them. Water and rushes, and the most lovely flamingoes; those on +the walls standing with their feet in the water; and those on the +ceiling, flying with wings outspread, into a pale green sky, all +over white billowy clouds. Jane, I believe I could walk round that +room, blindfold--no! I mean, as I am now; and point out the exact +spot where each flamingo stands." + +"You shall," said Jane, tenderly. These slips when he talked, +momentarily forgetting his blindness, always wrung her heart. "By +degrees you must tell me all the things you specially did and loved, +as a little boy. I like to know them. Had you always that room, next +door to your mother's?" + +"Ever since I can remember," said Garth. "And the door between was +always open. After my mother's death, I kept it locked. But the +night before my birthday, I used to open it; and when I woke early +and saw it ajar, I would spring up, and go quickly in; and it seemed +as if her dear presence was there to greet me, just on that one +morning. But I had to go quickly, and immediately I wakened; just as +you must go out early to catch the rosy glow of sunrise on the +fleeting clouds; or to see the gossamer webs on the gorse, outlined +in diamonds, by the sparkling summer dew. But, somehow, Margery +found out about it; and the third year there was a sheet of writing- +paper firmly stuck to the pincushion by a large black-headed pin, +saying, in Margery's careful caligraphy: 'Many happy returns of the +day, Master Garthie.' It was very touching, because it was meant to +be so comforting and tactful. But it destroyed the illusion! Since +then the door has been kept closed." + +Another long sweet silence. Two nightingales, in distant trees, sang +alternately; answering one another in liquid streams of melody. + +Again Garth turned the wedding ring; then spoke, with his lips +against it. + +"You said Margery had 'gone through.' Is it open to-night?" he +asked. + +Jane clasped both hands behind his head--strong, capable hands, +though now they trembled a little--and pressed his face against her, +as she had done on the terrace at Shenstone, three years before. + +"Yes, my own boy," she said; "it is." + +"Jane! Oh, Jane--" He released himself from the pressure of those +restraining hands, and lifted his adoring face to hers. + +Then, suddenly, Jane broke down. "Ah, darling," she said, "take me +away from this horrible white moonlight! I cannot bear it. It +reminds me of Shenstone. It reminds me of the wrong I did you. It +seems a separating thing between you and me--this cruel brightness +which you cannot share." + +Her tears fell on his upturned fate. + +Then Garth sprang to his feet. The sense of manhood and mastery; the +right of control, the joy of possession, arose within him. Even in +his blindness, he was the stronger. Even in his helplessness, for +the great essentials, Jane must lean on him. He raised her gently, +put his arms about her, and stood there, glorified by his great +love. + +"Hush, sweetest wife," he said. "Neither light nor darkness can +separate between you and me: This quiet moonlight cannot take you +from me; but in the still, sweet darkness you will feel more +completely my own, because it will hold nothing we cannot share. +Come with me to the library, and we will send away the lamps, and +close the curtains; and you shall sit on the couch near the piano, +where you sat, on that wonderful evening when I found you, and when +I almost frightened my brave Jane. But she will not be frightened +now, because she is so my own; and I may say what I like; and do +what I will; and she must not threaten me with Nurse Rosemary; +because it is Jane I want--Jane, Jane; just ONLY Jane! Come in, +beloved; and I, who see as clearly in the dark as in the light, will +sit and play THE ROSARY for you; and then Veni, Creator Spiritus; +and I will sing you the verse which has been the secret source of +peace, and the sustaining power of my whole inner life, through the +long, hard years, apart." + +"Now," whispered Jane. "Now, as we go." + +So Garth drew her hand through his arm; and, as they walked, sang +softly: + + "Enable with perpetual light, + The dulness of our blinded sight; + Anoint and cheer our soiled face + With the abundance of Thy grace. + Keep far our foes; give peace at home; + Where Thou art Guide, no ill can come." + +Thus, leaning on her husband; yet guiding him as she leaned; Jane +passed to the perfect happiness of her wedded home. + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg Etext of The Rosary, by Florence L. Barclay + diff --git a/old/rosry11.zip b/old/rosry11.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a0da8fa --- /dev/null +++ b/old/rosry11.zip |