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diff --git a/35526-0.txt b/35526-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9adb222 --- /dev/null +++ b/35526-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,14430 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 35526 *** + + + +CORA AND THE DOCTOR; + +OR, + +REVELATIONS OF A PHYSICIAN'S WIFE. + +FOURTH THOUSAND. + +BOSTON: +PUBLISHED BY JOHN P. JEWETT & CO. +CLEVELAND, OHIO: JEWETT, PROCTOR & WORTHINGTON. +NEW YORK: SHELDON, LAMPORT & BLAKEMAN. +LONDON: TRÜBNER & CO. +1855. + + +Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1855, by +JOHN P. JEWETT & CO. +In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of +the District of Massachusetts. + +ANDOVER: W. F. DRAPER, +STEREOTYPER AND PRINTER. + + + + +TO + +DOCTOR JOHN JEFFRIES, + +MY HIGHLY ESTEEMED PHYSICIAN, + +THIS VOLUME IS AFFECTIONATELY DEDICATED, + +IN GRATEFUL REMEMBRANCE OF HIS PROFESSIONAL SERVICES, + +BUT WITHOUT HIS CONSENT, + +FROM A DESIRE OF THE AUTHOR + +TO REMAIN STRICTLY + +INCOGNITO. + + + + +CORA AND THE DOCTOR. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + "Dear Mother--between friend and friend, + Prose answers every common end; + Serves in a plain and homely way, + To express the occurrence of the day, + Our health, the weather, and the news, + What walks we take, what books we choose, + And all the floating thoughts we find + Upon the surface of the mind." SOUTHEY'S COWPER. + + +_Ship Castor and Pollux, off Staten Island, 9 o'clock, Monday morning, +June 1st, 1835._ + +DEAREST MOTHER,--We are fast nearing land. The pilot is already on +board; and I shall soon set my foot upon the new world which is +henceforth to be my home. + +In fulfilment of my promise, I begin thus early my journal of daily +events, which I shall transmit to you from time to time as opportunity +shall offer. + +A torrent of emotion rushes through my mind, pleasure mingled with +pain--pleasure at the prospect of the happiness, I may reasonably expect +in the society of a beloved husband--and pain at the thought of the long +time which will probably intervene before I shall see the loved members +of our home-circle, and also from the assurance that when I set my foot +upon the shores of the Western continent, the broad Atlantic will roll +between us. + +But I must turn from these sad musings to the scene around me. The +passengers are all wide awake; Some are hurrying to and fro in search +of baggage, while others, having succeeded in getting their trunks +brought on deck, are sitting upon them and awaiting their search by the +Custom House officers. But by far the greater part are standing in +groups, leaning over the railing of the ship, eagerly gazing at the +shore, talking earnestly of friends whom they expect to meet, or +expressing curiosity at the sight of America, the birth place of the +immortal WASHINGTON. + +My dear Frank pointed out to me the harbor with the skiffs flying in +every direction--the forest of masts with their national flags--the +lofty spires pointing heaven-ward--and the stately domes looming up to +view, while directly before us are the wharves lined with extensive +ware-rooms and store-houses. But I must close the first page in my +journal. + + +_Crawford, Tuesday, June 2d._ + +We reached New York in season for dinner at the Astor House, and for the +evening boat to Providence, from which place we took the stage-coach for +Crawford; and arrived here about noon. At the public house, which I +should judge was a mile distant, we alighted; and I saw a +broad-shouldered, well-dressed colored man come eagerly forward and +seize the Doctor by the hand, while he cast a glance of curiosity at me. + +"This is your young Mistress, Cæsar," said Frank. + +Cæsar took off his hat, bowing and scraping in the most approved style; +and when I gave him my hand, he exhibited a splendid set of ivory, +extending almost from ear to ear. + +My husband went with me into the public house, where I remained until he +and Cæsar had attended to the baggage. I spent the interim in picturing +to myself a rural cottage with a luxuriant vine running over the door. +This same vine had always figured largely in my imaginary home, but my +fancy had not advanced to the interior, when Frank came to call me. + +I cannot account for the impression I had formed, that the Doctor was +not a man of wealth; I had even pleased myself vastly with plans of +industry, prudence and economy, by which I intended to provide +necessaries and even luxuries for the family. The Doctor had carefully +avoided all description of our future home, answering me only by smiles, +if I ventured to point out a pretty cottage, and to ask whether it +resembled ours. + +During the drive, Cæsar was eager to tell all the news. He said, "I'se +driven de carriage down to meet Mass'r Frank ebery time de stage hab +come in for two days. I told Missus," he continued, "better go ebery day +for a month, than have young Missus come, and nobody pear dere to +welcome her to dis yer home." + +Frank laughed heartily as he said, "Your young Mistress will be obliged +to you for sustaining the honor of the family." + +I was so much interested in looking about me, and in listening to +Cæsar's talk with his master, that I had no time to reconcile the idea +of a handsome carriage, span of horses, and colored driver with my +husband's supposed circumstances--a train of thought which had been +started before I left the Inn. But now we were drawing near my new home; +and my heart began to beat very fast. I put my hand into Frank's, who +pressed it tightly in his. + +I was about to go through a very trying scene, to meet a mother and +sister, while yet a perfect stranger to them, I feared they would deem +me unworthy of their son and brother. My color came and went, if I can +judge from the burning of my cheeks. It was with great difficulty, I +could keep from weeping. I am sure Frank understood my feelings, for he +very gently kissed my forehead, and whispered, "Cora, you will love my +mother, and I am very sure she will love you." + +I forced back my tears, and tried to show him that I meant to deserve +their love. I gave such a start of surprise, when the carriage stopped +at the door of a noble mansion that Frank laughing asked, "What?" + +"Surely, this is not your house," said I. + +"It is _our_ house," he replied in a low tone, as he handed me from the +carriage. I had hardly reached the ground, before I was caught in the +arms of one of the loveliest girls I ever saw. She kissed me repeatedly; +and then sprang to her brother, saying, "now, Frank, that's just like +you, not to tell us what a darling she was!" + +By this time we had ascended the steps leading from the front entrance, +where stood a fine looking woman, (of course she is, for Frank is the +image of her), who folded her arms about her new daughter with such a +motherly embrace that my heart was at rest. The tears filled my eyes at +the melting tone in which she said, as she held our hands joined in +hers; "Welcome, my dear son and daughter!"--as if she would fain have +blessed our union. She evidently restrained her feelings, and taking my +hand under her arm, led me into a large parlor, where there had been a +fire on the hearth. + +"We hardly expected you to-day," she said, after we were seated; "but +Emily would not rest until we came over here from the cottage." + +"Don't you reside here?" I asked in surprise. + +Mrs. Lenox smiled, and looked at her son, who said pleasantly, "You see, +mother, there is very little of Eve about her." + +"More than you imagine," I replied; "but I was constrained to suppress +my curiosity, as I received such indefinite replies to my questions." + +"After to-morrow," added he, "I will answer as many as you please; till +then I see one who is ready to answer before she is asked." + +Just then, Emily had stolen beside me, and putting her arm around my +waist said, "Come with me, if you are not too tired; and I will show you +your room." + +I went with her; and, my dear mother, I ought to be very happy, and +grateful to God for casting my lot in such a pleasant place, and among +such kind friends. As soon as we were alone, Emily again embraced me, +and said, "I shall love Frank better than ever, for bringing me so dear +a sister; now he will be contented to remain at home, instead of roving +all over creation." She spoke of her brother with great affection, and +said with enthusiasm, "Everybody loves Frank!" + +She then pointed out one thing after another, each dear to me as an +expression of his love, and his desire to render me happy in my new +home. To-morrow I hope to give you a description of the house and +grounds, over which, after dinner, I was duly installed mistress. + +I have written a long time; but my heart is full, and I find it a relief +to tell you how kind my Heavenly Father has been to me. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + "Here blend the ties that strengthen + Our hearts in hours of grief, + The silver links that lengthen + Joy's visits when most brief." BERNARD BARTON. + + +_Wednesday, June 3d._ + +DEAR MOTHER,--I have just returned from a pleasant drive with Mother, +Frank and Emily. You will wonder that I can so soon address any other +but yourself by that endearing word, _mother_; indeed it cost me an +effort. But this morning, she came in soon after breakfast, and when I +said, joyfully, "good morning, Mrs. Lenox," she kissed me tenderly and +said, "can you give me no dearer name, my child?" I looked up in her +face, and felt that I could call her "mother." I wish, I could describe +to you the impression, she makes upon me. She is very gentle and tender +in her manner, particularly so to her only son. She is also cheerful; +but I think she must have known what sorrow is, heart-felt, abiding +sorrow. Though the expression of her countenance is placid and +touchingly sweet, yet, as I watched her yesterday, I could see her eyes +fill with tears as she looked at Frank. + +I never saw a son more affectionate and respectful to his mother. There +is a perfect understanding between them. It was his earnest wish to have +her and his sister live with him, as the house is very large; but she +thought it not best. The property was left him by his father, and he has +put up for her a beautiful English cottage, separated from his dwelling +only by the garden, while the carriage drive passes from one to the +other. + +I promised you a description of my new home. Imagine yourself entering +from the street an avenue lined with trees, (linden I think) and winding +for about twenty or thirty rods up to a stately mansion. From the +carriage drive, you ascend ten or twelve steps to the front entrance, +over which is a very fine portico supported by large pillars which are +completely covered with a running-rose vine. Entering the outer door, +you stand in a spacious hall, which runs directly through the house and +opens in the rear upon a piazza extending the entire length of the +building. From this piazza there is a most enchanting prospect. Blue +mountains skirt the horizon, while a beautiful lake nestles in their +bosom. + +There are four large rooms on the ground floor, two parlors in front, a +dining-room and a sitting room in the rear. In addition to these there +are wings on each side of the house. One is entered from the +sitting-room, and is devoted to Frank's library and cabinet; the other +enters from the dining-room and is occupied by Mistress Phebe Lenox in +her culinary department. + +In the second story there are five chambers, together with two in the +attic. Cæsar has a neat room finished off over the carriage house, which +he and Phebe appropriate to themselves. + +The fifth room on the second floor I shall not forget to describe. It is +over the rear hall, opening from our room; and my kind husband has +fitted it up as my boudoir. I can't conceive how he knew so exactly what +I should like. Emily says he selected everything himself, and that it +has been a subject of mirth for her that he should know the minutiæ of a +lady's toilet. There is one large French window which opens like a door +upon the balcony over the piazza. Rose-colored curtains are draped from +it, so that I can be secluded at pleasure. Before the window stands an +elegant easy-chair, large enough for both of us, and near it a table +holding a desk, with every convenience for writing. At this I am now +sitting, and I prophesy it will be a favorite resort. + +Two-thirds of the length of the room opposite the window is occupied by +a wardrobe of the most convenient kind, containing fixtures for hanging +dresses, also shelves and drawers. + +Opposite the door leading from my room, is a dressing table standing +before a long mirror. This table is furnished with everything which even +a French lady can wish in the making of her toilet, and is equally +tasteful and convenient. + +In the corner beyond the wardrobe, stands a beautiful piece of Italian +statuary, representing a young girl bearing a basket of fruit. She has +such a touching expression upon her lovely countenance that I can hardly +persuade myself she is not imploring my sympathy. + +I have described my own little boudoir more particularly than any other +apartment, that you may be able to think of me where I shall spend most +of my time. + +Here I may court the muses. Indeed, I feel more than half inspired +already, by the magnificent landscape before me. + + +_Afternoon._ + +I didn't quite understand, yesterday, what Frank meant about answering +my questions to-day; but while I was busily writing this morning, I +heard a gentle knock at the door. I sprang up and opened it for my +husband. + +He smiled when he saw how I was engaged, and wheeling the chair from the +table to the window, sat down and took me on his knee. + +"Well, Cora, how do you like your new home? Phebe has just expressed her +opinion that 'you'll be wonted soon.'" + +"Oh, it's beautiful!" I exclaimed, "why didn't you tell me, that I might +have the pleasure of anticipating these beauties?" + +"I could not be quite sure what fancies floated in your mind, and I had +rather surprise than disappoint you." + +"Oh, Frank, you surely know me better than that! but look there," said +I, pointing to the beautiful lake before us. We looked in silence for a +moment, when he laughed, and inquired if I had no questions to ask him. +"I am ready," said he, "to undergo a regular catechising." + +In an instant all my former fancies of my husband's poverty, and of my +assisting him darted through my mind. I suppose, I looked rather sober, +for he turned my face toward him with a questioning look. + +"I imagined, you were poor," said I, hesitatingly. + +Oh, what a merry peal of laughter rang through the room! It was a minute +or more before he could recover himself, while I didn't know whether to +laugh or cry. But laughing is contagious, and soon the absurdity of +crying because I had the best husband in the world, and with him +everything that heart could desire, caused me to join cordially with +him. + +However, he soon took both my hands in his, in a manner peculiar to him +when he has anything special to say, and resumed, "It is high time, my +love, you should know _who you are_." I will give you the substance of +his story. + +His father was a man of independent fortune, who died about eight years +ago, soon after Frank reached his majority, and a few months subsequent +to his graduation from college. Frank had always desired to be a +physician, though his father and mother had hoped he would become a +minister. The property was by will equally divided among the three, his +mother, sister and himself. + +Five of the years since his father's death he has spent in Europe, +studying his profession, and travelling. During this time he returned +twice to see his mother, and to direct about the estate. After this he +passed eighteen months in one of the southern cities, practising +medicine. Then determining to go abroad again, he passed the winter in +Paris, where you remember, I first met him. + +"I hardly know," said he, "where I should have been now, if you had said +_nay_ to one question, I asked. But I thank God for giving me my sweet +wife." This, he said so seriously that I hid my face in his bosom to +conceal my tears. + +Then in a few words he delineated the person and character of his +father, who was a very godly man, distinguished throughout the country +for sound judgment, patriotism and benevolence. Frank described the +heart-rending affliction of his mother, the asperities of which time had +somewhat softened. She is but forty-eight years of age, though I had +supposed her much older. She has received frequent proposals for a +second marriage; but never for a moment could think of entering the +matrimonial state, while her heart was so full of precious recollections +of her deceased husband. + +The Doctor looked quite serious, as he always does when his countenance +is not lighted with a smile. But I diverted his thoughts with the +request, "tell me about Emily." + +"She is in temperament like my father," he replied, "full of life and +spirit; ever ready to weep with those that weep, and to rejoice with +those that rejoice; she is just one month older than you, Cora; time +will prove," he added pleasantly, as he smoothed back my hair, "which is +the wiser." + + +_Thursday, June 4th._ + +This morning, invitations have been sent to friends of the family for a +levee at mother's cottage, in honor of the bride. Frank says my +associates in town will be likely to be of a very promiscuous character. +To-morrow evening I am to be introduced to the aristocracy, and +afterwards to my husband's poor patients, of whom Emily affirms there +are no inconsiderable number. + +This is a shire town, and a court is in session here, which brings many +distinguished members of the legal profession to the place. I am told it +contains from eight to ten thousand inhabitants. I have seen some very +beautiful country seats; and I should think it well laid out. + +There is a principal street running through the centre, lined with +houses. Upon it private dwellings are interspersed with shops, stores, +ware-rooms, and other places of business. The main street is very wide, +and at this season looks finely, with its splendid rows of shade trees. + +Within a few years many persons have left their residences in Broad +Street, and have built cottages and villas on the forest heights +overlooking the village and the surrounding country. + +The Doctor was summoned this morning to a sick woman. This is his first +professional call since his return; but now I must be reconciled to his +leaving me often, as he has a very large practice. + +There are more than half a score of regular practitioners in the place, +all of whom are invited to mother's levee. Oh, if my friends from home +could be there! I find writing a very poor substitute for talking with +you. With what delight shall I read your letters. Isabel and Nelly must +write about everything, as they promised. Beloved home, parents and +sisters, how my heart longs for one more look, one fond embrace. + + +_Friday, June 5th._ + +My services have been put in requisition at the cottage, or rather my +_advice_ (don't laugh, Bell!) has been requested with regard to the +arrangements for the table, fruits and flowers. Emily says, I know +everything, or ought to, as I was educated in France. + +I told her, all I knew was heartily at her service; and straightway the +lively girl pulled off my bonnet and gloves, and set me to work, making +bouquets for the table. + +After this, we entered right merrily into the preparations for the +evening, while mother was busily engaged with the cook. We had all +things arranged to our minds, and had resolved ourselves into a tasting +committee of the various luxuries for the entertainment, when Frank came +in and took me home with him. + +I had been deliberating about my toilet for the occasion, when he +presented me an exquisite bouquet of white flowers, together with some +beautiful white moss-rose buds for my hair. I fairly clapped my hands +with delight, they reminded me so much of home. I could say nothing in +reply but "dear Frank!" + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + "If ye court society for pastime,--what happier recreation than + a nurseling. + Its winning ways, its prattling tongue, its innocence and mirth." + TUPPER. + + +_Saturday, June 6th._ + +Oh! Mother, if you could sit by me for an hour it would be so +delightful, for I have much to tell you, and my pen will not move fast +enough. But I will begin my story. I dressed in due time. The girls will +be pleased to know that I wore my white lisse crape, with no ornaments +but the flowers in my hair, and a small bunch in my bodice. When I +descended to the parlor, Frank was awaiting me, and his eyes expressed +satisfaction with my toilet. + +We repaired to the cottage early, by mother's request. Soon after +carriages began to roll up to the door. I was presented first to the +clergyman, Mr. Munroe, who has been settled in Crawford but a short +time. He is very free and social in manner, dignified and graceful in +person; I think he will prove an agreeable friend. Mother says, he loves +the work in which he is engaged. + +There was also a younger minister present, from an adjoining parish, +about whom I must make some farther inquiries. He was quite too devoted +in his attentions to my fair sister Emily; and when I asked of her an +explanation, a blush was her only reply. + +I cannot begin to describe one half the persons who were present, but I +will mention a few, who, from different causes, interested me. + +A tall portly man, hardly a gentleman, with a self-important air, a very +large pattern to his vest, with heavy chains and seals, which he +dangled incessantly, addressed me in a patronizing manner. He asked me +how I liked "living among Yankees," and said I must come round to his +place before I made up my mind about it. He then bowed himself away. +Emily said, in a low voice, "that is our nabob, Squire Lee." + +Next came an elderly gentleman, who, in figure and conversation, formed +a striking contrast to the one who preceded him. This was Mr. Marshall, +a distinguished attorney. He was accompanied by his wife, a very +handsome lady considerably younger than her husband. They both expressed +much kind interest in the young stranger. + +Then came a lovely young lady with her brother, children of Squire Lee, +the distiller. The young man seemed cast in the same mould as his +father. He was dressed in the height of fashion, but without taste, with +a flaunting neck tie, a gayly embroidered vest, and full pantaloons. He +was rather below the medium height, but of very full habit. His face was +flushed, and when he bowed the blood rushed violently to his head, +rendering his face red as crimson. But his air was so consequential, and +his talk in a style so pompous and imposing, I could scarcely suppress +my mirth. This was the more noticeable by the contrast of his whole +appearance with his sister, a very modest, amiable looking girl, who +evidently feared lest her brother, in his desire to impress me with his +_dignity_, should disgrace both himself and her. + +After these, came the Mansfields, the Harrisses, Justice Wilson and +family, the Johnsons, Mr. Willard, Dr. Clapp, Mr. and Mrs. Morris +Whitney, and a great many whom I cannot remember. + +When this procession had passed with a word of salutation from each, +with now a bow, and then a smile, Mrs. Marshall introduced to me a lady +whose countenance I shall never forget. I should think her near fifty +years of age, not handsome, but with a kind expression, full of mildness +and benevolence. Frank addressed her very cordially, saying to me, "Miss +Proctor is my particular friend." I gave her my hand again, and asked a +share in her friendship. She was evidently much pleased, and pressed my +hand at parting. + +Near the close of the evening, I met Mr. and Mrs. Russell, a very +delightful couple. His manner reminded me of Frank's; dignified and +rather reserved, yet easy and graceful in conversation. His wife, on the +contrary, was full of life and spirits, original and witty. + +While we were in the refreshment room, I overheard several persons, +talking about a woman lately deceased in the village. She was a French +woman, and by her death her child was left without protection. I became +quite interested for the poor foundling, and was glad to learn that Miss +Proctor was to pass the night, in the hope of being able with mother, to +provide for the little orphan. + +It was quite late; but Frank stopped at my request to hear more of her +history. On Tuesday of this week, the day of our arrival, the French +woman called at the public house, saying, in broken English, that she +was ill and wished for a bed. The landlady attended her, and soon found +it necessary to summon a physician. She grew rapidly worse and died the +next evening. She had informed the landlady that the child was not hers, +but entrusted to her care by its mother, to be conveyed from France to +England. The vessel in which they sailed was wrecked. But they, with a +few other passengers and some of the crew, were taken on board an +American vessel and brought to New York. Beyond this nothing is known. + +I have quite an idea of adopting the foundling if Frank will consent. + + +_Evening._ + +_Dear_, DEAR MOTHER.--On my way to see the little French girl, I told +Frank it would please me to take the orphan. He smiled as he replied, "I +shall certainly make no objection." + +I expected to see a poor, disconsolate child, weeping for its mother. +Judge then of my astonishment, and delight, when I found a perfect +little fairy. She is a brilliant brunette, with magnificent eyes, +fringed with long black lashes, which rested on her cheek as she looked +timidly down when I entered. I was so impressed with her appearance that +I instinctively held out my arms, and said "_viens à moi, ma chère_!" + +The blood rushed to her face, as with a bound she sprang toward me, and +laying her curly head on my breast, said, "_ma chère maman, je t'aime +beau coup, beau coup_." + +This decided me; and I adopted her in my heart. Frank was desirous to +ascertain all that was known about my little protege. Mrs. Morrison, the +landlady, left me holding "Ina," as she called herself, tightly in my +arms, while she led my husband to the room where the body of the woman +was decently laid out for burial. He told me when he returned that the +child bore not the slightest resemblance to her attendant. + +After looking at the corpse, the landlady gave him a small packet, which +she had found in the pocket of the deceased; also a necklace and locket +taken from the child's neck. The locket contained a miniature to which +Ina bore a close resemblance. Frank looked eagerly for an inscription, +but found only the words "_Maman à Ina_." + +"I think these ought to be preserved for the child," said Mrs. Morrison. +"Who knows but they may bring out some day who her parents were?" Frank +assented, and assured her that the articles should be sacredly +preserved. + +"Your wife seems to take a great liking to her." + +"Yes," replied the Doctor, "as they are both strangers in this country, +she thinks the little girl has rather a claim upon her." + +"Is she a Frencher too? I always heard she was English." + +"Mrs. Lenox was educated in Paris," he replied. + +"La now!" exclaimed the woman, covering the face of the corpse, "I +didn't think of her being so learned." + +Frank then inquired whether the deceased woman left any property, and +offered to pay the expenses they had incurred. Mrs. Morrison brought +forward an old pocket-book containing a few dollars, which she said +would cover all the expenses. "As to the child," she continued, "I +couldn't think of charging anything for her. Somebody may one day have +to be looking after my little folks;" and this thought brought a tear to +her eye. + +I was talking merrily with my sweet charge, when they returned to the +parlor, and having thanked the warm-hearted landlady for her kindness to +the child, we took our departure. + +I was so impatient to go home, and show my treasure to mother and +sister, that I begged to be excused from a drive, Frank had promised me. +Emily was quite as enthusiastic as I wished, in her praise of my Ina, +and tried playfully to induce me to resign my _protegé_ in her favor. +The little one, however, was fully persuaded I was her mamma; and I felt +no desire to undeceive her. + +She is now safely asleep in her crib; the same in which Frank and Emily +were rocked. I have crept softly into the room two or three times. The +whole affair appears like a pleasant dream. Miss Proctor has made a +night-dress; and Monday I must commence vigorously upon her wardrobe. +Emily has promised to assist me. + + +_Sabbath evening--June 7th._ + +This is my first Sabbath in America. It has been a delightful day to me; +and I think I can say, it has been blessed to my soul. Though far away +from country, home and friends, yet I could meet you all at the throne +of Grace. I prayed for every dear member of the home-circle, and for my +beloved husband, myself and my precious charge. + +I went to church morning and afternoon, and was much impressed by the +services. There is a seriousness and solemnity about the audience, which +I have seldom witnessed. The sermons were chaste and in some passages +even elegant in style. But what pleased me more than all, was the fervor +with which Mr. Munroe delivered them, and the love which he manifested +for the souls of his people. + +In the morning the text was 1 Cor. 15, 22: "For as in Adam all die, even +so in Christ shall all be made alive." He dwelt upon the death which +reigns in consequence of Adam's sin; and in the afternoon, upon the +resurrection-life which all receive from Christ. + +The singing was performed by a choir in the orchestra, accompanied by a +variety of instruments. + +When I returned from Church this morning, my little Ina was still +asleep, as I had left her. But this afternoon as I went in, she came +bounding toward me, clapping her hands, and saying "_chère maman! chère +maman!_" I had to take her to my boudoir to put off my bonnet and shawl, +for she would not leave me. She was willing while in my arms to play +with Frank; but if he attempted to take her from me, she hid her face in +my neck. I like to have her call me _mamma_ when we are alone; but it +makes Emily laugh, and I see Frank is inclined to follow her example, +only that he sees it makes me blush, and embarrasses me. Sweet child! I +wish she were my own; I cannot bear the thought of parting with her. Yet +it may be that her mother is mourning her loss. + +Do you remember Pauline De Lacy, my dear friend and school-mate, in +Paris? Ina looks so much like her, one would think they must belong to +the same family; indeed, sisters seldom resemble each other so exactly. +To-day, this has occurred to me so many times, that, with the consent of +all parties, I have decided to call her Pauline De Lacy Lenox. "Quite a +romantic name," Frank says, gravely; "but as you are a very romantic +lady, it will be in good taste." + +I looked up quickly, intending to deny the charge, when I saw that +roguish twinkle in his eye, which I begin to understand. + +After an early tea, the servants were called to family prayers, mother +and Emily being present, who are hereafter to return from church and +spend Sabbath evening with us. In addition to the usual services at the +domestic altar, the good old Puritan custom of catechising the household +is observed. It was truly a _family_ service. The scene was novel and +interesting to me. All joined in singing a hymn, and then the Doctor +expressed our individual wants in prayer. I was a little fearful that +Pauline would not be quiet; but there was a charm in Cæsar's devout face +which occupied all her attention. Perhaps a very little fear was mingled +with her wonder, as she nestled herself very close to me. But the good +man took no heed of the large eyes fixed on him with such seriousness. +His soul was drinking in the Word, while he regarded his young master +with fond respect. + +When the rest of the servants retired, he remained, and the Doctor asked +him, "Well, my good Cæsar, how have you enjoyed the day?" + +"Oh, Mass'r! dis yer pears like good old times when old Mass'r live. Dem +good old days, berry!" Cæsar wiped his eyes with his coat sleeve as he +left the room; and his was not the only eye moistened by this allusion +to the past. + +I don't know as I told you that Cæsar and Phebe were purchased by Squire +Lenox from the south, where they were about to be sold separately. He +brought them to the north, where, of course, they are free; and they +have ever since constituted an important part of the family. Taught to +read and write, they have for many years been members of the same church +with their master and mistress. + + +_Monday Morning, June 8th._ + +Frank has just left me for his morning calls. He came in from the garden +when Cæsar brought the carriage to the door, and not finding me below, +he sprang up the stairs to bid me good bye. Pauline looked up quickly +and pointed with her finger to direct my attention, saying, "dere +Frank." + +We both laughed heartily. He patted her cheek, "So little miss, she's +mamma; and I, only Frank. I rather think you'll have to take me for a +papa for want of a better;" then turning to me, "it would sound oddly +enough. Now to you the name mamma seems natural as life, only it makes +you rather rosy." He bade mother and daughter good bye, and ran away in +haste. + +I am constantly haunted by the thought that she is in some way connected +with my school-mate Pauline De Lacy. I have in vain tried to remember if +she had a married sister whose child this may be. + +But I must leave this subject and finish my story about Cæsar and his +wife. It was a great trial to them when mother and Emily left the old +homestead, even to go across the garden to their cottage-home, and they +desired to go with them. But mother overruled their objections and +retained Ruth, their only child, a capable girl of twenty. + +I believe Cæsar trembled not a little at the idea of a new mistress, who +he feared would disturb the harmony of the family. I have, however, +gained his good will. He treats me like a toy which he is exceedingly +apprehensive of injuring. + +As for Phebe, such is her pride in the glory of "our folks," that as I +am a Lenox, the wife of Mass'r Frank, nothing can be too good for me. I +think, she likes me better because I am young and inexperienced in +household affairs, and, therefore, shall not be likely to interfere in +her department. There is, indeed, no occasion for me to do so. She has +been well and thoroughly trained by mother, and is fully competent to +perform the duties of her station, while Ann, the chambermaid, is +equally so in her appropriate sphere. + +To tell you the truth, I did not know exactly what was expected of me. +One day last week, I waited upon madam in the kitchen and in a very +hesitating manner began to say something about dinner, when she soon +interrupted me, "Laws, missus, don't you, honey, trouble your precious +head 'bout sich kind. I'se feel shamed to look Mass'r Frank in de face, +and den pears like make me blush to have it told down town; little young +missus spending her blessed time in de kitchen." + +I presume, I looked, as I felt, delighted to be relieved, and was +running away, laughingly, when she continued, "Dere missus, go long, +please, and play on de pianny." I came gladly away, but spent the time +writing in my journal. Now I have enough to occupy me in the care of my +little Pauline. + +After Ann had put her to bed last night, Frank showed us the little +parcel given him by the landlady. It contained part of a letter +addressed to a domestic, giving strict directions concerning the child. +It was written in French, in a delicate female hand, but gave no clue as +to the name or place of the writer. A mother's heart evidently dictated +it, from the numerous directions about clothing, diet, and the like. The +packet contained, in addition, a child's dress, with elaborate +embroidery upon the neck and sleeves; also a pair of coral and gold +sleeve clasps to match the necklace. + +Many conjectures were formed by Emily, respecting the parentage of the +child, after which the articles were returned to Frank to be locked up +safely among his treasures. His sister mischievously recommended him to +deposit them in a certain trunk, containing nothing but old letters, +saying, with an arch look at me, "I suppose now they are worthless." + +The Doctor deigned no reply. This amused Emily so much that she +whispered to me, loud enough for him to hear, "Oh, the deceitfulness of +man! He tries, beneath that solemn look, to make you believe that he +doesn't value those letters above rubies. I'll manage very differently +if I ever get in love, which to be sure, is very unlikely. I should wish +my husband to tell me once in half an hour that I was dearer to him than +all on earth. I've no doubt Frank feels as I do, for each one of those +letters used to make him bright for a week; and he hurried the poor +carpenters and masons, as if his very life depended on our moving away +from the house as soon as possible." + +"Emily," called Frank in a serious tone, looking up gravely from the +book he was reading, "did I not hear something of an exchange of pulpits +between Mr. Munroe and Mr. Benson?" + +It was now Emily's turn to be silent. She hesitated, blushed, and +finally retired from the room. After she left, Frank asked mother, "Do +you think Emily loves Mr. Benson?" + +She replied, "I really cannot tell. Beyond his coming often to the +house, and Emily seeming rather pleased with his visits, I know +nothing."-- + +Sister has just returned from town, where she has been to make purchases +for Pauline's wardrobe. Now I must drop my pen, and go to work with my +scissors and needle. + + +_Tuesday, June 9th._ + +Though very busy, I must write a few lines while Pauline is asleep. +Emily and I went to the garret this morning--the receptacle for all +things not in use, and found a great supply of playthings for Miss +Pauline. Among them are a large wax doll, and her furniture, which with +sister's permission, I shall lay by for future use. With a basket of +these toys, the dear child has amused herself on the floor, while +mother, Miss Proctor, Emily and myself have been plying our needles. We +have one suit nearly completed, and shall take her to ride in it this +afternoon. We are to go in the double carriage, and after procuring the +young Miss a suitable covering for her curly head, we are to drive as +far as Waverley, the parish of Emily's friend, though this part of our +plan has not yet been disclosed to her ladyship. + + +_Evening._ + +The doctor was summoned to a patient after tea, but will, I think, be +back soon, when I must devote myself entirely to him. Do you know, dear +mother, he is trying to make me think him jealous of the young lady I +have honored with my protection; really, he says my thoughts are so full +of Pauline that I have hardly looked at him for two days. I believe +after all he is as bad as Emily, and wants me to tell him "every half +hour what a darling he is." I must look to this, for I think I have been +to blame, and he shall see my heart is large enough for both. He knows, +however, he occupies his full share in my affections. + +I remember once before my marriage hearing him say to a lady in England, +he would never accept half a heart; no, hardly one that had loved +before. He wanted the fresh and warm gushings of affection. She inquired +if he had such a heart to give in return. He answered proudly, "I shall +ask for no more than I can bestow." + +I hear the carriage, and will run to meet him. + + +_Wednesday, June 10th._ + +Last evening, Frank laughed, as I stood at the door, and said jocosely +"I suppose Miss Lenox is asleep, and that you are glad even of my +company when you have no other." + +Though he was laughing, the tears instantly filled my eyes, and I said, +"Oh, Frank! you know how much more I love you than all the Paulines in +the world." I spoke earnestly for I thought his words implied a distrust +of my love. + +His manner changed at once, and very tenderly taking my hand, he led me +to the sofa. He turned my face to his, which I had vainly endeavored to +conceal. "Now, my love," said he, when he had kissed away the tears, +"let us have a full understanding." + +"Yes, but I want you to forgive me first, if you think I have been too +much absorbed with Pauline." + +"My sweet wife, you have never offended me. It is I who ought to ask +forgiveness for making you weep. Perhaps you will think me selfish; but +I want you to promise to ride with me every day when I can be at +liberty, and to leave Pauline with mother, or with Ann. When I am not +at liberty, Cæsar will take the large carriage and drive you all, Miss +Lenox junior among the rest. Will you promise this?" + +"With great pleasure; but why not take her with us; she would be quiet?" + +"Because, I want to take you to visit my poor patients. I have laid out +a great work for you, Cora, and if I do not mistake, you will love it. +Then it will be a good discipline for Pauline, to have you leave her +occasionally. By the way, have you settled the question with her who +shall be mistress?" + +I looked at him in wonder. "I have noticed several times," said he +pleasantly, "when your wishes and hers were at variance, that you +yielded to her, instead of insisting that she should yield to you. Now, +my dear Cora, as we have taken this child, we are responsible to God for +her proper government and education. She is not a mere plaything which +can be thrown aside at pleasure. She has a soul to be fitted for +happiness or misery. Have you thought of this? Have you counted the +cost, the care, and effort, and patience which all this requires?" + +"Yes, Frank, and I have prayed for wisdom to guide me. I know well I am +not fitted for such a charge." + +"Then, dear wife, I have no more to say. I will do anything to cooperate +with you; and if you enter upon it with such a spirit you will have both +Divine help and reward." + +I thank God, dear mother, for such a kind husband; so faithful to point +out my faults, and so ready to help me overcome them. He feared I did +not realize the care and responsibility of the work I had undertaken. I +intend at once to commence a course of reading on education. Heretofore +I have thought little upon the subject; only that children should be +taught to be obedient, truthful and affectionate. Now I understand why +Frank wished me to allow Ann to put Pauline to bed. The child cried +every time I left her, and would only be satisfied with my waiting upon +her in person. I had in two or three instances yielded to her for the +sake of peace, without realizing that the principle was wrong, or that +she was forming a bad habit. Frank saw she grew more and more imperative +in her demands and hence thought it necessary to speak to me of the +exposure. + +I believe I have not given you an account of our ride to Waverley. We +were about a mile on our way, when, whom should we meet but the very Mr. +Benson on horse-back, and going to the cottage. I whispered to Emily +that we could easily return and leave her at home while we continued our +ride. But to this she would by no means consent, and turned +indifferently to the window the opposite side of the carriage, where she +was intently occupied with the prospect, which in that place consisted +of a fine growth of forest trees. + +Mr. Benson addressed some words to me, and then rode round to ascertain +what was so charming in the opposite view. I really pitied the poor man, +for Emily was almost rude to him. I don't yet understand them; but I +think I can see that he is a little wanting in tact, and does not quite +understand all the crooks and turns in a woman's heart. + +Frank very politely invited Mr. Benson to accompany us, who said it +would give him pleasure to do so, if agreeable to our company. He looked +at Emily; but she deigned no reply, appearing wholly engaged in a frolic +with Pauline. + +I began at once to be very polite, determined to do my part toward +making amends for Emily's indifference, which I saw pained him. It is +difficult conversing from a carriage with a gentleman on horse-back; but +as we rode slowly, I endeavored to be very interesting, until after a +time the young clergyman, perceiving he had no attention from the object +of his special regard, resumed his place at my side. + +I really like Mr. Benson, and should be glad of him for a brother. I +cannot help thinking sister likes him too; when he is not talking with +her; for I noticed she kept Pauline very quiet and listened with +interest to our conversation. When we returned home, I earnestly +invited the gentleman to remain and take tea with us, and had to bite my +lips to keep from laughing to see Emily's amazement at the turn affairs +had taken. + +The suitor, after looking very much embarrassed, as if expecting an +invitation from another, accepted mine, and we entered the house. Mother +stood quietly by. I suppose she is determined to leave Emily to act for +herself. When he consented to remain, she said, "now you will excuse +us;" but I insisted they should fulfil their engagement to tea, when, at +least, one of the company became decidedly more cheerful. "I wish he +wouldn't speak to Emily again this evening," was my thought, as he +continually tried to engage her in conversation. + +Notwithstanding all my efforts, the evening passed away slowly; the +Doctor having been called out soon after tea. The occasion ended sadly +for the poor suitor, who, toward the close of it, requested a few +moments' conversation with Emily. In this interview, she decidedly +refused him, and then cried all night after it. + +Foolish girl! But I persuaded her to unburden her heart to me. She +confessed, she did not know whether she loved Mr. Benson or not. Many +traits in his character she admired; but others suggested serious +objections. The latter, however, I could not induce her to name, and +indeed, I doubt whether she had herself any distinct idea of them. + +After a pause, during which I tried in vain to think of something which +would comfort her, she looked at me earnestly and said, "Cora, tell me +truly, don't you think he's rather _soft_?" "I think," I replied, trying +to conceal my mirth, "that he has a very strong affection for you; and +that sometimes it would be more pleasing to a delicate, modest girl, if +he did not exhibit it so openly." + +"That is exactly my feeling, but I couldn't express it. Yet what is the +use of talking?" she asked, with a profound sigh; "the question is +settled, and there the matter rests." + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + "From the light ills of infant age. + Up to the plague's destructive rage, + Pains come and go at thy command, + True to the sceptre of thy hand." EAST. + + +_Thursday, June 11th._ + +When the Doctor left for his morning duties, he said, "Please bear in +mind, Cora, that you have engaged yourself to me for the afternoon." + +"For _life_, I understood it," said I, trying to speak gravely. + +He was much pleased, and turned back to give me another embrace, and +whispered, "my darling," in such a loving tone, that my heart felt very +warm all the forenoon. + +I wish I could describe to you the view from my window. It rained all +night, and this morning was very foggy; but now the sun is beginning to +dispel the mist; and the mountain--oh, it is beautiful! I keep stopping +to look, and to inhale the balmy air. Now I can see the summit quite +distinctly; the sun is shining upon it, while the fleecy clouds roll off +and settle on the lake, from which they arise in thick mist. + +Before we left our room this morning, Frank gave me a subject for +thought which rather troubles me; but I think I know what you and dear +father would advise; I know also what is right; but courage, _courage_ +is wanting. We are constantly liable to be interrupted while engaged in +family devotions; or Frank is away at the regular time. He asked, this +morning, as a great favor to himself, that I would, in such cases, call +the family together and read prayers. + +I started at the proposition, and was about to say, "I cannot," when he +said, "do not decide hastily. Think upon the subject, and tell me +to-morrow." After a pause, he continued, "the time of a physician is not +at his own command. I may be called away day after day; and our family +services lose half their interest and profit through the want of +regularity." + +"How was it before I came?" + +"Mother always conducted the service in my absence." + +My mind was in a perfect tumult. At breakfast I thought I had found a +good excuse; at least, it then appeared so to me; and I tried to be +cheerful and to dismiss the subject. After prayers, as my husband was +leaving the room, I detained him; "Frank," I asked, "don't you think I'm +too young?--Cæsar, Phebe and Ann are so much older than I am. Does it +appear to you quite proper?" + +"Well," said he, coming back and shutting the door, "I didn't think of +it in that light. You _are_ rather young, to be sure; only eighteen the +fourth day of February." I was surprised that he remembered the exact +day. "How soon do you think you will be at the proper age?" + +I had thought, when he commenced, that he certainly considered this a +valid excuse; but the moment he asked that question, though there was +not the slightest touch of irony in his tone, yet I felt mortified in +the extreme, and the blood rushed to my very forehead. I turned quickly +away, as Emily entered the room. + +And now what can I do? My heart almost stands still at the bare thought +of it; _I_, who have never audibly lifted up my voice in prayer to God, +save only in the presence of my little Pauline. _I cannot do it_; and I +think my husband almost hard to ask it of me. He is always so calm and +self-possessed, he little knows how my heart throbs. + + +_Noon._ + +As Frank has not returned, I will add a few lines. I have taken Pauline +for a walk through the garden, and made a call upon mother and sister. +How we all laughed when the little thing lisped "grandmamma," in +obedience to my wish. Before we came out, mother remarked that I looked +quite pale. I longed to ask her advice, but conscience whispered, "you +already know your duty;" and I concluded to say nothing about my +trouble. "Emily," I replied, "can sympathize with me; she is looking +very unwell." + +As I spoke, her face and neck were covered with a burning blush. "Emily +is not well," said mother gravely; "She scarcely eats at all." + +"O, mother!" exclaimed Emily, "I'm well enough, only a head ache," and +she went to the closet to get seed cakes for Pauline. + +As I returned home through the kitchen garden, to give the child a +longer walk, I heard Phebe, who stood at the back door, call to Cæsar. + +"Look dere now! see de young Missus. It's enough to do your old curly +pate powerful sight o' good just to see her a leading dis yer baby." + + +_Evening._ + +I obtained permission from mother this morning to leave Pauline with +her, while I rode with Frank. When the time arrived, Ann put on her +bonnet, and then it was very easy to induce Miss to have hers put on for +a walk to grandmamma's. + +It has been a delightful day after the rain; and if my heart had been at +rest, I should have enjoyed the ride. I imagined my looks troubled Frank +a little, for he said he had intended taking me with him to visit one or +two families in the outskirts of the town; but if I did not feel +inclined, he would postpone it until another day. I assured him my +health was perfectly good, and I had anticipated the calls with much +pleasure. So we rode on through the village, he being more than usually +social and interesting, and giving me no time to think of myself until +we came to the border of the town, near the lake I have mentioned. + +Here stood a number of small cottages, one story in height, with the +grounds about them enclosed with low fences. I noticed one of these bore +marks of more taste and refinement than the others. It had a pleasant +little patch of flowers along the side of the beaten path to the +entrance, while a beautiful rose bush was trained upon a trellis by the +side of the door, which run upon the house nearly to the roof, and +furnished a complete shade to one of the windows. + +This was the home of the Doctor's patient, and I followed him to the +door, which stood hospitably open. A light knock brought a modest woman +to the entrance, who, in her tabby muslin cap, and her clean checked +apron, appeared very neatly. She courtesied as the Doctor introduced me, +and invited us to walk in. The patient is a young girl in her sixteenth +year, who is gradually wasting away with consumption. Never shall I +forget the bright expression of love and respect which beautified her +countenance, as Frank took her hand, and tenderly inquired how she had +passed the night. "I have brought you another friend," he added; "one I +am sure you will love. I think I can safely promise she will be happy to +do anything for your comfort." This promise I cheerfully confirmed. + +Hers is a case requiring little medicine. Her sufferings are +comparatively slight, except from exhausting fits of coughing. She +appears to be passing gently away. The bright color which burned in her +cheek had now faded, leaving her face perfectly colorless. The only +relief to the marble whiteness was the long black lashes which lay upon +her cheek when she closed her eyes. Propped up in her bed by pillows, +she looked with her whole soul at the Doctor, who sat at her side, +speaking to her of God's rich mercy. She assented to what he said by a +slight inclination of the head, and sometimes repeated after him part of +the verse of Scripture, he quoted, as if to impress it upon her own +mind. But I could see plainly that she was under restraint by the +presence of a stranger. + +When he arose, she held out her hand and whispered, "will you please to +pray with me?" Frank immediately reseated himself; and taking a little +pocket Bible from his coat, read a few verses from the fourteenth +chapter of John; and then prayed. I felt borne on wings of faith to +heaven as my dear husband praised God for the love which had sent the +Saviour into the world, that we might have pardon and eternal life; that +we might be elevated to seats at his right hand in heaven, and be joint +heirs with Christ to immortal glory and honor. He besought Jesus to +bless and comfort with his Divine presence, the dear child who was +approaching the dark valley; to give her the victory over sin, and +death, and to receive her through faith in him into the kingdom of +heaven, where her eternity might be spent in singing "Worthy the Lamb +that was slain." + +As I approached the bed to bid her farewell, I was struck dumb, with the +heavenly smile of peace and joy which shone in every feature. Surely, +thought I, she has the seal upon her forehead; she already breathes the +air of heaven. I lifted her thin white hand to my lips, and bowed my +head in silence; I dared not trust my voice to speak. + +The Doctor called Mrs. Leighton aside and gave her a few simple +directions before we left. He conducted me silently to the carriage, +turned the horse down a shady lane toward the water, and drew me to him +until I could lay my head upon his shoulder, when my excited feelings +found relief in tears. + +When I had become more composed, Frank asked, "Is she not to be envied?" + +"Oh, yes! _yes!_" I replied, "Would, I could feel the assurance of faith +and love, which lit up her face like that of an angel!" + +He then, at my request, told me something of her history. Her parents, +Mr. and Mrs. Leighton, are respectable, pious people, who have been +deeply afflicted by the loss of two daughters and one son by the same +disease which is now wasting the frame of their only surviving child. +Naturally amiable and intelligent she has been too much indulged by her +fond parents, who cling to her as their last and best beloved. + +So insidious was her disease, that, when summoned to her sick bed, Frank +found no skill could save her. He therefore endeavored to direct her to +the great Physician, to cure the disease of her soul. + +"What was the state of her mind at that time?" I asked. + +"Very rebellious. She was unwilling to hear a word of discouragement, +and talked constantly of pleasures and parties, in which her mother had +allowed her to mingle. She was a very handsome girl, lively and +agreeable in conversation, and had excited unusual attention for one so +young." + +"How soon did she become reconciled to death? She seems now to look +forward to it, as the consummation of her hopes and joys." + +"Not for many months; but she will give you an account of the change in +her feelings. I hope you will soon see her again; she has not long to +stay with us." + +As we passed the house on our return, we noticed Mrs. Leighton at the +door watching for us. Frank, thinking she wished to call him, sprang +from the carriage. But she only put into his hand a little bouquet, +saying in a suppressed voice, "Caroline," at the same time waving her +hand that it was intended for me. I was very much affected at the simple +gift, and sent my thanks to the sweet girl. There was exquisite taste in +the selection--a moss rose bud--a white rose half blown, with dark green +myrtle leaves,--and a sprig of mignonette. + +"It must have been hard for her," I said, "to give up this beautiful +earth, she is so fond of flowers and everything tasteful." + +"Ah! but she gains heaven," was Frank's reply. This suggested to me the +following lines from a favorite poet, which I repeated to my husband. + + + "Once when I look'd along the laughing earth, + Up the blue heavens, and through the middle air, + Joyfully ringing with the sky-lark's song, + I wept, and thought how sad for one so young, + To bid farewell to so much happiness. + But Christ doth call me from this lower world; + Delightful though it be." + + +We next stopped at a house of moderate size, in which the Doctor told +me, four families found their home. Having tied the horse by the little +gate, we entered a room on the right, where a poor man lay on a bench, +or, as I afterwards saw, a long chest, upon which some quilts had been +spread to make it soft. The chest was pushed to the corner of the room, +so that, with pillows behind him, the invalid could sit almost upright. + +Watching by his side was a very pretty woman, who, from her dialect, I +perceived was Welsh. Near her was a small boy of about three years of +age, sitting on a low cricket; while in a shed, opening directly out of +the room, there stood a young girl of eleven, washing. + +After putting two chairs near her husband, Mrs. Lewis resumed her seat +and her sewing, as it was only by _her_ industry, the family were +supported. + +Frank inquired particularly about the symptoms of his patient, and +prescribed for his relief. He then said, "I have brought my wife, as I +promised to introduce her to you." Here Mr. Lewis put out his emaciated +hand, and expressed pleasure at seeing me. Frank continued, "Mrs. Lenox +will come and read to you, if you wish, while your wife is busy." + +The sick man regarded me with a look of gratitude, while his wife +replied, "I am sure t'would be a great comfort to us both, to hear a bit +of the Word. My man," she continued, "is not able to read; it makes his +eyes ache badly. I have so little time, I can only repeat a verse now +and then, to give us something to think of." + +The Doctor asked Mr. Lewis if he had enjoyed more peace of mind since +his last visit. + +"Sometimes," he replied in a whisper, "I can feel willing to trust +myself in the hands of God; but again all is dark, and I can't come nigh +to him. He appears a great way off, and I seem to be praying into the +air." As he closed, his breast heaved a deep sigh. + +I became so much interested in him; and he so exactly described my own +feelings, at times, that I forgot any one else was present, and said, +"Oh, sir! I have often felt so; and the only way I can do, is to keep +praying, until God reveals himself to me. He does hear, and he will +answer if we keep asking, and if he sees we are in earnest." + +I stopped suddenly, in great embarrassment, when Frank immediately +added, "This is the case with most Christians. Sometimes while we are +yet speaking God hears, and grants an answer of peace. Again he delays, +to try our faith and patience." + +"But the prayers of the wicked are an abomination," said Mr. Lewis +feebly. "I can't feel sure that he has accepted me." + +"Has his promise ever failed?" inquired the Doctor. "He says, 'call upon +me and I will answer; knock and it shall be opened.'" + +The poor man put his hand to his breast, as if in great pain. Frank +feared lest we were prolonging the interview beyond his strength, and +rose to leave. + +"Surely you won't go without praying for me," said Mr. Lewis. + +"If you feel able to attend, I will do so with pleasure," replied the +Doctor. I was very much affected to see the sick man rise feebly, and +kneel during prayer. He wept much, and when we arose he was so exhausted +by his emotion, the Doctor and his wife were obliged to raise him to +his feet. But when he had taken some drink, he became more composed, and +said, "Thank you." "Come soon," he said to me, with a smile. + +Mrs. Lewis followed us to the door, where Frank put into her hand a bank +bill; and in addition, requested her to send to our house in the morning +for some chicken broth of which he wished her husband to partake freely. +Her eyes filled with tears, and she could only look her thanks. + +It was now becoming late, and we returned home. I cannot help thinking +how much good a pious physician has it in his power to do. He gains the +affections of his patients; and they will listen to religious +conversation which they would not hear from a stranger. Frank cares for +their souls as well as their bodies, especially as the one commonly +affects the other. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + "Wretch that I am, what hopes for me remain, + Who cannot cease to love, yet love in vain?" COWPER. + + +_Sabbath morning, June 14th._ + +DEAR MOTHER,--I must write you a few lines to tell you how happy I am. +Yesterday, you remember, I was to decide whether I would conduct the +family devotions when Frank is absent. My mind was so much occupied +during the afternoon, I hardly thought of it; but in the evening, I +retired to my closet, determined to ask for strength from one who is +ever ready to help the weak in the performance of duty. + +When I arose from my knees, my fear was all dispelled. It appeared +almost like a privilege to do what I had so much dreaded. While I was +yet speaking, God answered. + +This morning, when I was dressing my little daughter, an employment in +which I delight, Frank came in and inquired, "Have you thought upon the +subject I proposed yesterday?" + +"Yes," was my reply. + +"And what have you decided?" + +"I will, at least, attempt the duty." My hand trembled so much, I could +scarcely button Pauline's dress; but I think he did not notice it, for +he walked quickly out of the room. I was taking her to Ann for her +breakfast, when he returned, and with such evident marks of strong +feeling on his countenance, I looked at him anxiously. + +He took my hand, and pressed it to his lips, saying, "Will you soon +return to your boudoir?" I rang for Ann, and then followed him. He +clasped me in his arms, as he exclaimed, "my own Cora, you were never +before so dear to me. You little know what a struggle it has cost me to +see the conflict in your mind, and neither say or do anything for your +relief. I have blamed myself severely for expecting so much of you, my +dear child. Many times yesterday I was on the point of withdrawing my +request; but I hesitated. I felt sure you would decide aright, and that +I should rest satisfied with your decision. It is not the first time you +have set me an example. When I heard your decision, I considered it a +great triumph of duty over inclination." + +"But you do not know all the naughty thoughts I had," said I, raising my +eyes for the first time. "I even wished,"-- + +"My own wife," said Frank, pressing me to his heart!--"And have all +these hard thoughts of your husband gone? Did you wish," he asked, +turning my face to his, "that you had never left home to live with such +an exacting man?" + +"Oh, Frank! I never wished so; I did not say that. How could I be happy +as I am, if I felt thus? I wished something worse; which I had rather +not tell." + +"You had better make a clean breast of it," said he, smiling. + +"I wished," said I in a low tone, "that you were not quite so good; and +then you would not expect so much of me." + +Frank looked very much amused. "That's the last thing in the world, I +expected my wife to complain of. But seriously, Cora, I have learned +many a lesson from you. One of your looks of wonder, a year since, upset +my favorite theory, and in the end secured to me the most precious wife +in the world." + + +_Monday, June 15th._ + +Poor Emily! I wonder if she knew Mr. Benson was to exchange with Mr. +Munroe, yesterday. If so, she did not speak of it. I never saw a man so +changed; he looked as if he had had a severe fit of sickness. + + + "He withers at his heart, and looks as wan + As the pale spectre of a murder'd man." + + +But his sermon was really sublime, and lifted me above myself. The text +was the last verse of the forty-second Psalm: "Why art thou cast down, O +my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I +shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God." + +Trust in God, was his subject. Amid all the trials and vicissitudes of +life, trust in God is the only sure source of happiness for the +Christian. Trust him to bring good out of seeming ill; to make these +very trials "work out for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of +glory." If he withdraws the light of his countenance; if our beloved +friends sicken and die before our eyes; if our worldly estate takes to +itself wings and flies away; if our fondest hopes are suddenly dashed to +the ground; if we are ever left to call out in agony of spirit, "Why art +thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me?" we +may, by Divine grace, also exclaim, "hope thou in God, for I shall yet +praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God." + +In the pale countenance of the speaker, I could read the struggle, and +the victory. I was actually startled at Emily's looks, as we turned to +come out of the pew. She caught my hand to save herself from falling; +and from the motion of her lips I understood her to say, "_faint_" +though no articulate sound came forth. + +I whispered, "Dear Emily! lean upon me; don't faint here; try to arouse +yourself." + +Never was I more thankful than when we reached the carriage and had +assisted the poor girl into it, without attracting notice. There was not +a particle of color in her face or lips. I drew off her gloves, and +chafed her hands, while mother loosed her bonnet strings, and applied +the smelling drops to her nose. + +With a deep sigh she recovered her consciousness, and was ashamed and +mortified that her feelings should have been betrayed even to her loving +friends. She tried to conceal them with the flimsy excuse, that she +arose in the morning with a head-ache, and the heat of the house had +overcome her. + +I wonder if Emily thinks, she really deceives us, or is she deceiving +herself? In the afternoon, she declared that she was fully able to go to +church; and when, at the last moment, she was forced to acknowledge +herself sick, and mother was removing her own bonnet to remain with her, +she insisted that she had rather be left alone, and mother very +reluctantly left her. + +"Poor girl!" I exclaimed, as mother related the circumstance, "my heart +aches for her." + +"I never saw a child so changed," said mother sadly; "I cannot but +think, she regrets her hasty decision. I have never before known her to +be irritable. It seems to annoy her exceedingly to have me notice her +languor or want of spirits. Frank," she continued, "I wish you would +persuade Emily to take an anodyne. I think the want of sleep is partly +the cause of her head ache." Frank asked if she would be likely to come +over to the house to tea; but mother could not tell; she was so +changeable in her feelings. + +I could not help thinking, Mr. Benson noticed sister's absence. He +looked very sad. I was so anxious about the poor girl, that I must +confess, I could not confine my thoughts to the discourse. Frank, too, +was called out; and mother looked pale and troubled. Altogether, I +worked myself up into quite a fever of excitement; and was glad when the +services were through. + +While we waited a moment in the porch for Cæsar to bring the carriage to +the door, Mr. Benson passed down from the pulpit and came out. He would +evidently have avoided the meeting, if possible; but mother stepped +forward with much kindness and thanked him for his faithful discourses. +He unbent at once, and inquired for my health and that of the family. + +I told him, I was well, but quite anxious about my sister, as she had a +severe head-ache which detained her at home. What could have come over +the man to look so pleased that she was ill? + +Fearing I had said something to compromise her delicacy, I added, "she +has had the head-ache for several days." Now I think of it, I only made +it worse. He spoke, as he conducted us to the carriage, of his sorrow at +the intelligence, while he looked perfectly delighted. + +When we reached home, Phebe met us at the door, and said "Misse Emily +here, and my pinion is dere's mighty smart chance for her to have a +fever if Mass'r Frank don't doctor her." + +As we entered the parlor, sister started up, and looked eagerly for a +moment as if expecting some one with us; and then sank back again on the +sofa pillow, evidently disappointed. Could it be that she thought Mr. +Benson would return with us? + +Cæsar went toward the village to meet his master, and soon returned with +him. The Doctor had been called to a child in a fit from indigestion. +That reminds me to tell you that in accordance with his wish, I have +restricted Pauline's diet to bread and milk, which she eats heartily, +sitting in Ann's lap. + +Emily's sickness touched the little girl's heart; I held her in my arms, +and let her put her soft-hand on "Aunty's head to make it better." Frank +came behind and put his on too, with the tenderness of a woman. He sat +down by her side and held her head while she covered her eyes as if she +feared, he would read her thoughts. + +"Emily," said he, gently, "you have too much heat; I fear you and Cora +have lately been unduly excited. I thought yesterday, she was going +beyond her strength; and such is also the case with you. I must give you +a little powder, which, I hope, will soon afford you relief; does it +ache less when I hold it so?" he asked, as he pressed the throbbing head +between his hands. + +"Oh, yes! sometimes it feels as if it would fly to pieces." + +"Poor girl! how it throbs. Cora, will you hold her head while I prepare +something for her?" + +He soon returned with a wet bandage, which he bound tightly around her +head, and then gave her ammonia. I had finished my tea and was +returning through the hall, when Cæsar answered the door bell, and to my +amazement announced "Mr. Benson." + +In my confusion, I ushered him into the parlor where Emily lay upon the +sofa, with her face toward the wall. I hoped, she was asleep, and was +just coming to my senses, and intending to invite him into the library, +when he asked, "Is she then _so ill_?" + +At the sound of his voice, Emily sprang upon her feet, tore the bandage +from her head, while the light actually flashed from her eyes at what +she fancied an intrusion. But perceiving his ghastly pallor, she sank +back upon her seat, saying, "Frank has been making a great fuss over me, +as if I were sick." Truly, one would never have thought so at that +moment. She was perfectly brilliant with excitement. The fever lit up +her cheeks, while her eyes even dazzled my sight. + +How I pitied the young suitor! He stood where he did upon his first +entrance, with his hat in his hand. His countenance changed as he gazed +at her until her eyes fell; then with an air which was almost haughty, +he said "Farewell! FAREWELL, FOREVER!!" and left the room. + +I followed him silently to the door, my heart being almost paralyzed. He +stopped, took my hand in both of his, pressed it warmly and said, "I +appreciate your kindness, but you are mistaken." The last words he +uttered in a cold, bitter tone, and was gone. + +I started to run to my chamber, but remembering my poor, strange sister, +I turned back to the parlor, where I found her prostrate upon the floor. +I screamed, "Frank! mother!" and soon the whole household came rushing +into the room. The Doctor dismissed the servants, and taking Emily in +his arms carried her up stairs to the room, she formerly occupied. + +It was some time before she revived. When she perceived where she was, +her woe-begone look penetrated my heart. Poor mother! How quietly she +goes about everything that ought to be done, with an expression of +patient suffering! How can Emily make herself and all of us so unhappy! +She lies this morning in a deep sleep, and, I hope, will awake +refreshed. I have been sitting by her while mother went over to the +cottage on some business. She has now returned, and I have persuaded her +to lie down on the couch in sister's room. She was so anxious, she +scarcely slept at all. + +Dear Pauline, what a comfort she is to me! She is the most affectionate +little creature I ever saw, and has already woven herself closely around +our hearts. Even Frank laughs merrily at her cunning ways. + +Phebe wears a turban, generally made of a bandanna handkerchief, or +something equally bright. Miss thought, she too must wear one. So she +watched her opportunity when Ann laid down her duster, which happened to +be an old silk kerchief of similar colors to madam's turban, and tried +to weave it round her head. Ann observed her unsuccessful efforts with +silent amusement, and perceiving that when one side was arranged, the +other came tumbling down, offered to assist her. + +Pauline shouted with delight: "Mamma, see! mamma, see!!" The kind +hearted girl brought the child to me. I laughed well at her grotesque +appearance. Her head was top-heavy with the turban, while the dark short +curls peeping out here and there made her look like a boy. She evidently +thought it a good joke, and was unwilling to have it taken off. You see, +we make a great pet of her; but since I began to manage her aright, she +obeys instantly. Sometimes her lip quivers a little, and she looks as if +she were about to burst into a hearty cry; and then, with a sigh, +restrains herself. + +Almost every morning, from eleven till two, I have received calls; and +shall have business enough for the fall and winter if they continue. +Many of them are formal and ceremonious; others, I suppose, are prompted +merely by curiosity to see the stranger. I find the report of my three +years' residence in Paris creates quite a sensation. People look at me +as if I ought to be something more than Americans who have never been +out of their native land, and appear somewhat disappointed to see in me +nothing more than a simple, frank girl, just like their daughters or +sisters at home. + +A few have called whom I like exceedingly; who entered into conversation +upon subjects profitable and interesting. You, my dear mother, have +spoiled me for enjoying the society of persons who cannot talk, except +of individual character and conduct; as for instance: "I suppose, your +husband has told you of the trouble in Squire Lee's family. He attends +there, I believe." + +"No," I replied. + +"Ah, indeed! Well, Lucy has had to break her engagement with young +Mansfield just to please her brother, who is no better than he should +be." I remained silent simply because I had nothing to say, and was glad +when the entrance of other company put a stop to such gossip. + +Of the more select class, are Mr. Munroe, Mr. and Mrs. Marshall, Miss +Proctor,--Frank's favorite,--and I must not forget Friend Estes, who +frankly said, "I came, my dear, to see thee out of the regard I have for +thy husband." + +I rather think, she was well enough acquainted with human nature to +know, that she was making her way directly to my heart. + +"How is Susan, thy mother?" she asked. I stopped and hesitated a moment, +before I remembered that the Friends always use the first name. She was +overflowing with love and good-will to everybody; and before she went +away we grew so friendly, that she kissed me twice and said, "I must +bring Jotham to see thee, my dear"--"Cora," I said, seeing she hesitated +for the name,--"and thou wilt come with thy husband for a visit to our +house." She warmed my heart finely by her praise of Frank. + +After all, there are a great many pleasant people in the world. I wish, +you could see how kindly her deep blue eyes looked out from her drab +poke upon your Cora. Your heart would come across the water to meet +hers. + +The more I see and hear of Miss Proctor, the better I love and esteem +her. She is truly a "Dorcas," in whom the sick and afflicted always find +a friend and helper. She has been an efficient aid and cooperator with +Frank in his gratuitous practice. + +Speaking of this class, I must relate to you an incident, Emily told me. +A short time since, when Frank had fairly established himself in his +profession, and had collected a good practice, a young physician came to +the place, rather to the annoyance of some of his brethren of the +profession, who took no pains to call upon him. The Doctor, however, +embraced the first opportunity to visit him at his office, to which +there was little more than a showy sign, announcing to the public that +"Dr. Clapp, Physician and Surgeon, was ready to extract teeth and cut +off legs at the shortest notice, and for the lowest price imaginable." + +Frank entered into conversation with this young son of Æsculapius, and +found, he was well learned in his profession, and had high +recommendations from his professors as to his qualifications for his +office. My good husband encouraged him to persevere, and offered to +recommend him wherever it was in his power. + +"I shall never be displeased," he added, "if I hear, you are taking my +practice, except in the case of my poor patients. Most of these have +grown up with me, and I flatter myself, I am, with them, an exception to +the general rule, 'a prophet is not without honor, save in his own +country.'" + +The sequel to this visit is quite romantic. Dr. Clapp, who is about +twenty-four years of age, walked to the window, where he vigorously +plied his handkerchief, as if afflicted with a sudden cold. After this +operation he was relieved, and came back offering his hand to Frank. He +said, or tried to say, for his voice was rather husky, "Your kindness, +Dr. Lenox, inspires me with new life and courage. I am yet waiting for +my first patient." Then, encouraged by Frank's kind interest, he +unburdened his heart, and asked advice with regard to a little private +affair of his own. + +It appears that, like a great many foolish young men, (I don't say it +was foolish in _his_ case, not knowing the circumstances,) he had fallen +in love, while in college, with "the most amiable girl in the world." +That was five years ago, so that their courtship had been quite +protracted. To the ardent lovers, at least, it had seemed sufficiently +so. + +Harriet Phillips, who, at the time of their engagement, was but +fourteen, had now arrived at the mature age of nineteen years,--"Quite +old enough," he added, with an inquiring look at the Doctor, "to take +charge of a family." + +The decided tone in which Frank replied, "_Certainly_," gave the suitor +new courage. To marry, or not to marry, that was now the question; and +the judge who was to give the important decision, acknowledged that he +found himself in rather a novel predicament. However, he shielded +himself as many judges do, behind general principles. He acknowledged +the great propriety of a physician being a man of family, and as soon as +he could support a wife in comfort, he certainly advised him to marry. + +"This," said Dr. Clapp, "is exactly the way I view the subject." + +The young man soon after returned the call in the Doctor's absence. With +a frankness which seems rather peculiar to him, he told Emily all the +first part of the interview, and more than hinted at the latter; so that +she, who has a considerable share of curiosity, coaxed Frank to tell her +the rest, saying, "I'm sure Dr. Clapp wants me to know about it." + +Now she says, "I shall advise him to bring his Harriet without delay. I +fancy, he thought her old enough when he saw you at mother's levee. +Besides Frank is so much older than he is." + +Emily insists that I do not look more than sixteen, and that I keep +blushing like a girl of twelve. I wish I could break myself of this +habit; but the more I try, the more the blood will rush to my face. It +is very disagreeable, and sometimes places me in awkward situations. + +But to return to my story, Dr. Clapp intends to profit by the excellent +example set him by an elder brother of the cloth, and will soon be +joined in the bands of Hymen to his beloved Harriet,--when he will bring +her to the goodly town of Crawford, here to make up to her, by every +means in his power, for the trials and sacrifices, she has, for a series +of years, been called upon to make as the eldest sister in a large, and +not very prosperous family. + +Poor Emily, I wonder when she will laugh again, as she did when she +related that to me. I must go and see if she is awake. I have not heard +the least sound from her room all the time I have been writing. Ann +carried Pauline about the garden until she went to sleep, that the house +might be quiet. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + "Nought shall prevail against us, or disturb + Our cheerful faith, that all which we behold + Is full of blessings." WORDSWORTH. + + +_Tuesday, June 16th._ + +Last night when I sat writing busily, a hand was put upon my paper. +Starting up, I saw Frank with one of his very grave looks. I hastily +shut my desk. "How is Emily?" I asked quickly. + +"Emily is asleep; and I thought you were, long ago. I really must +restrict you to certain hours of writing. Do you know how late it is?" +He held his watch toward me, and to my amazement it was near midnight. + +"I took no note of time," I replied, "I was so absorbed in writing. It +is almost like talking with my own dear mother." + +"Well," said Frank, touched a little, I suppose, by my sad tone, "you +shall write as much as you please, only don't take the time from your +sleep." + + +_Tuesday Noon._ + +Dear, _dear_ father, mother and sisters, how happy you have made me by +writing so soon. Frank came home in the middle of the forenoon, and +beckoning me out of Emily's room into my own, stood with his hands +behind him, and asked, "How many kisses will you give me for something I +have brought you?" + +He looked so pleased and mysterious, I couldn't think for an instant +what it could be. When I did, I gave a bound behind him, and caught the +letters before he was aware. "But," he said, "I won't be cheated in that +way. I'll sue you." I told him, I would give him a thousand kisses +after I had read my letters. My hands trembled so much with joy and +excitement, that I had difficulty in tearing off the covering; when such +a dear packet presented itself, I almost danced with delight. + +Frank looked as pleased as I did. I made him sit down while I read dear +father's letter, the last in order; when I had finished, Frank said, "I +must tear myself away, and hear the rest after dinner. My patients will +wonder what has become of me."--"But," he added with a very demure look, +"can't you pay me part of my bill, and let me endorse it on the +account?" + +I sprang up, and with my arms around his neck, gave him such a shower of +kisses, as certainly he never had from me before; and I sat down quite +out of breath. + +"There, now, I've found out what you can do!" he said, laughing merrily, +"you have kept me on very short allowance heretofore; I never supposed +you capable of such exertions." He then slipped quietly into Emily's +room, and soon I heard him drive away. + +Isn't he a darling, mother? though I fear, it won't do to tell him so, +for he is getting really to think too much of himself. He used to be so +grateful for the least favor shown to him; and thought it such a +privilege to be allowed to kiss my hand. Now he grows more exacting in +his demands; and nobody knows what he'll expect after this. + +He heard of the arrival in New York of the packet ship "Eleanor," and +has been watching the mail for my letters.--Cæsar happened to-day to go +to the office before him; but Frank drove rapidly home to have the +pleasure himself of giving them to me. All this Cæsar was delighted to +tell me, while his eyes shone like two stars through a cloud. + +The whole family sympathize with me in my joy at hearing from my dear, +sweet home. Even Emily brightened up a little, as I read mother Lenox +part of Bell's letter. She lies quietly in bed, and says she is free +from pain; but she cannot make the least exertion without fainting. +Frank says, she has a slow fever. The cottage is shut up; and Ruth has +come over to aid Phebe while mother and sister are here. I feel very +glad that Emily's sickness occurred here. Mother says, it was all wisely +ordered. I know, she feels relieved at night by this arrangement. + + +_Tuesday evening._ + +Frank says, I may write half an hour, to pay for my liberality to him +this morning; and he will sit up and read his papers. This has been an +eventful day to me;--first my letters from home;--then I had a note from +Mr. Benson, informing me, that, situated as he was, (with regard to +Emily I suppose), he could not give proper attention to the duties of +his profession, and that as tutor and companion, he had accepted an +offer made him some months ago, but then declined, of going to Europe +with a young man. + +What will Emily say? _I_ shall not be the one to tell her. I read the +letter silently, and then passed it to my husband. He looked very, +_very_ grave, almost stern. + +"Cora," he asked after a long pause, "do you think, Emily has trifled +with the affections of this young man? Women seem to have an intuitive +perception on such subjects." + +"I think that she loves him far more than she will acknowledge; but I +don't believe, she ever gave much encouragement to his suit. When I have +been present, she has treated him with indifference, almost with +rudeness. Perhaps I ought not to express a mere suspicion; but I have +thought, Emily's conscience troubled her on account of the manner in +which she treated him. From her casual remarks, I fear, she dismissed +him rather haughtily." + +"Worse and worse," exclaimed Frank, with such severity, I was almost +frightened. "For one situated as she is, with regard to wealth, to +conduct herself in such a manner toward a gentleman of his worth and +education is really unpardonable. It would sting him to the quick; and I +respect him all the more for the course he has pursued. If she were +poor and friendless, it would not be half so censurable. But for her to +take advantage of her station to insult him--pshaw--I cannot bear to +think of it." + +"Oh, Frank! don't speak in such a severe tone. I was wrong to say what I +did." + +"Well," said he, hastily withdrawing his hand from mine, "I wish, she +were as ready to acknowledge her faults as you are." + +"But it may be all my suspicion. I may not have understood her aright." + +"What did she say?" + +I replied reluctantly, for he was already much excited. "She did not say +so in words. Only I received the impression, that she had given him to +understand, she was astonished, he should presume to think, she would be +the wife of a poor country clergyman." + +"Cora," exclaimed Frank, starting up and walking across the room.--I +burst into tears. I had never before seen him so excited; and I had no +idea, he could look, or speak, so severely. It makes me almost cry even +now to think of it. + +Frank just now says, "my love, you've exceeded your time;" so good +night, dear mother. + + +_Wednesday, June 17th._ + +My husband told me last night that a packet was advertised to sail for +Liverpool, and that probably it would need ballast, and therefore it +would be a good opportunity for me to send my journal. It amuses him +that I find so much to write about. He little imagines how much I write +respecting him, my lord and master. He has never asked to see it; he has +too much delicacy to do that. + +Emily had a comfortable night; and mother slept quite well, and feels +refreshed. I asked Frank, if Cæsar would be at liberty to take me to +ride this morning. + +"Certainly," he replied, "I hope you will call upon him whenever you +wish. He will be proud to drive you." So I dressed my little miss in her +best suit, and having taken her in for a morning call upon aunt Emily, +we started off in the cool of the day. I wanted to return before the +time for Pauline's "_siesta_." + +As we drove down the hill, I asked Cæsar if he knew where Caroline +Leighton lived. + +"Oh, yes Missus! I goes dere berry often for Mass'r Frank." + +"And do you know where Mr. Lewis lives?" + +"De man what's dying wid consumption?" + +"Yes." + +"Well den, I knows dat too. Where you go first, Missus?" + +"To see Caroline." As we rode on, I asked, "Can you spare the time from +your work to wait for me, and let Pauline sit in the carriage? I don't +like to be in a hurry when a person is sick." + +Good Cæsar's face fairly shone as if freshly anointed; and he replied, +"I 'spects so, Missus. Mass'r Frank told me, allus leave ebery ting, +when young Missus wants to go. Mass'r Frank sets mighty store by young +Missus." + +Just then we stopped at the gate; and I was prevented the necessity of +replying to the complimentary speech, which, however, being the +conviction of his large, honest heart, gave me more pleasure than almost +any one, I ever received. He let down the steps and lifted me out as if +I were a wax doll. I verily believe he wanted to take me in his arms and +carry me to the house, as he would Pauline. She wished to go with me; +but he sat in the carriage holding her in his arms, saying, "mammy come +back." + +I had brought with me two beautiful bouquets, one for each of my sick +friends. With Caroline's in my hand, I knocked gently at the door of her +apartment, though I could have entered, as the doors were open to admit +the fresh air. She turned her head at the sound, and was very much +pleased at my early call. She said, she would ring her little bell for +her mother; but I told her on no account. Indeed, I was glad, she was +alone. + +I laid off my bonnet, saying as I did so, "You see, I intend making a +long call." I then took a tumbler, and having filled it with water from +the pitcher on the table, I put the flowers in it and set them near her. + +She smiled, and seemed pleased that I made myself so much at home. I +drew a chair to the side of the bed, and taking her thin white hand in +mine, asked, "do you feel strong enough to talk with me a little?" She +bowed assent. + +"Does it not seem hard for one so young to be called to die? Do you feel +willing to give up this beautiful world, your mother and friends?" + +"Heaven is far more beautiful;" and she added, with a devout expression, +"my Saviour is there." + +"How long, dear Caroline, have you loved the Saviour?" + +With a deep sigh, and a look of profound sorrow, she replied, "Only a +few months. Oh, what a hard heart mine has been!--to turn for so long a +time from a loving Saviour." + +"Can you, without exerting yourself too much, tell me about the change +in your feelings?" + +"Hasn't the Doctor told you?" + +"No, he said perhaps you would do so." + +She closed her eyes for a moment, and then gave me the following +account. "I lived a life of gayety and pleasure. The world looked +bright; not only the things of nature, to which you referred, but gay +people, fashion and pleasure in every form. I suppose it will do no harm +for me to say now, that I was praised for my personal beauty, and for my +graceful manner. But I forgot that "we all do fade as a leaf." Yes, I +forgot it, though I had lost two sisters, since my remembrance. + +"In the unwearied pursuit of worldly enjoyment, all other things faded +from my mind. Yet there were times when conscience sounded an alarm, and +the thought that perhaps I too should be cut off, as my sisters had +been, in the morning of life, made the blood stagnate in my veins, and +my heart cease to beat. + +"I was a regular attendant at church, and one of the prominent members +of the choir. But I never listened to the sermons. I studiously avoided +hearing them; especially when they treated of death, the judgment, and +eternity. I have often sat in church, very devout in the eyes of those +about me, but engaged in making all my plans for the coming week; and +then quieted myself with the thought that I had not sinned half so much, +as if I had heard the sermon, and not profited by it. I was often +praised for my regular attendance. Alas! He who looks into the heart +knows I went to the sanctuary far more to exhibit myself, to hear people +say of me, 'how handsome! what a fine voice!' than to worship my Maker, +who had bestowed these gifts upon me. + +"About a year since, I took a violent cold upon my lungs. I had +previously felt languid and unwell, but would not acknowledge it to +mother, lest I should be kept from singing school, and places of +amusement. Soon after this, the Doctor was called, and never was there a +harder or more rebellious heart than mine, when he, in the kindest, most +fatherly manner, told me that the disease would probably prove fatal. It +was not in the power of man, he added, to effect a cure. He said that +possibly I might be better, and live for years; but the disease was upon +me and could not be shaken off. + +"That was the thought that twinged every nerve in my body. I hated my +Creator for making me sick. I hated my physician for telling me of it. I +hated my parents and every one who believed it. But oh! I hated myself +more than all, when I began to see a little into my own heart. + +"I had always been called amiable; and I believed myself to be so. But +now I was actually frightened at the tumult of hard and angry thoughts +in my awakened soul. In the night, I frequently awoke, trembling with +affright; an angry God seemed ready to consume me with his fierce wrath. +This state of mind continued with some abatement for several months; and +the conflict of my feelings operated injuriously upon my health. + +"One day your husband came in, when he could stop longer than usual. He +sat down by my bed and tried to talk with me. But I would not speak. I +pretended not to hear what he said. Some of his words, however, arrested +my attention, and without intending it, I turned my face toward him. He +understood the whole of my hardness and guilt. He asked me if I had ever +realized how great was the love of Jesus, who left the blessedness of +heaven, to suffer and die for us, and who having made atonement, now +endures neglect and reproach from the guilty souls, he came to save. It +is human, said he, when man offers a favor to his fellow, and is treated +with neglect and scorn, to withdraw the offer. But the Divine Lord who +endures indifference, ridicule and contempt, still says, 'Come unto me +all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.' + +"Oh, those blessed, _blessed_ words! I listened as if I had never heard +them before. Was I not weary with wrestling with the Almighty? Oh! was I +not heavily laden with sins, more than I could bear? Why may I not come? +For the first time, tears of real penitence filled my eyes, and with a +subdued voice, I said, 'Will you pray for me?' He did pray, as he had +done many times before; but I never heard till then. He wept as he +besought God earnestly in my behalf. God in mercy answered. + +"When he arose, Christ had taken my burden, and I was at rest. I had +never disbelieved the Bible. But now its truths came home to my heart, +and I was made free. + +"Oh!" she exclaimed, almost in rapture, "the goodness and long suffering +of God, to me a poor lost sinner." + +The excitement of speaking had carried her beyond her strength; and as +she lay with her hands clasped, and eyes closed, she looked so pale, I +feared she had fainted. But she presently opened her eyes, while a +heavenly smile played around her mouth. I kissed her forehead; but I +could not speak. + +Her mother, not hearing the bell for some time, looked into the room to +see if she were asleep; but perceiving me, she returned to her work. + +"Dear Mrs. Lenox," said the sweet girl, "you'll pray with me." I +hesitated. "For your husband's sake, please." + +I could not deny her, but saying I would return after a moment, I left +the room. I had seen from the window that Cæsar had difficulty in +keeping the horse quiet on account of the heat and flies. I told him to +ride on a short distance and call for me in about ten minutes. + +When I returned, and was about to close the door, Caroline said "no one +will disturb us, and the room is very warm." + +With my hand in hers, and my face on her pillow, I for the first time +addressed my Heavenly Father in presence of a fellow creature. But I was +not embarrassed. He who looks from above, put words in my mouth and was +near me. + +As I arose and stood by the bed, I was startled by the moving of a +shadow; and turning quickly to the door I saw my husband standing on the +steps with his face buried in his handkerchief. + +Passing through this part of the town to visit a patient, he had stopped +this morning instead of returning here this afternoon. I do not think he +heard me; and if he did, I ought not to feel ashamed, when I dared speak +in the presence of the High and Holy One. But I must confess it. I felt +for the first time in my life sorry to see him. + +"How came you here?" he asked in surprise. + +"You forgot you gave me permission to ride out." + +"And Cæsar, where is he?" + +"There," said I, pointing to the carriage, which was just stopping at +the gate. "You must not talk much with her," I said smiling. "But you +may talk a little _to_ her if she will be very quiet. I fear she has +already had too much company." Promising to visit her again as soon as +possible, I went with Frank to the carriage, when he returned to his +patient. I found Pauline struggling hard to keep her eyes open, and on +consulting my watch, concluded to postpone my call upon Mr. Lewis until +another day. So I merely left the flowers in passing, saying to his +wife that I would endeavor to make him an early call. + +"He has been lotting upon seeing you, maam. He says of the two, you +better understand his feelings, seeing you've had the same." We hastened +home, where the sleepy girl was glad to drink some milk and go to bed. + +And now, dear mother, with remembrances of affection to the dear +home-circle, I close this part of my journal, which I hope will interest +you. I intend writing to Bell and Nelly in answer to theirs just +received. + + +_Thursday, June 18th._ + +I gladly resume my journal; I feel lost without my writing. Emily +appears really better. Of course she knows nothing of Mr. Benson's +intended departure. I have not been able to learn when he sails. He only +says in his note, "as soon as his arrangements can be made." Emily seems +indifferent to every thing; and, when mother and I talk cheerfully, +turns her face away. But I have seen the tears trickle through her +fingers when she thought herself unnoticed. To-day, however, she is +brighter, and though not by any means as she once was, she appears to +have made her mind up to some course; and to feel better for her +decision. But this is mere suspicion. Time will show whether I am +correct. This afternoon she sat up in the easy chair more than an hour, +and amused herself with Pauline, who looked at her very seriously at +first, as if she did not quite understand all these changes. + +Early this morning, I begged a ride with Frank as far as Mr. Lewis's, +and told him my intention was to walk back. To the latter part of my +proposition, he very unwillingly consented, as it is half a mile, and +the heat is great. But with my parasol I thought I might venture. + +Mrs. Lewis came into the little entry to receive me, and told me in a +low tone, her husband was failing fast, and she thought, could not live +many days. "He will be right pleased to see you. He has set his heart +upon it." I then followed her up-stairs to the room. He is now wholly +confined to the bed. + +Every article of furniture, I observed, was scrupulously neat; and +something in the appearance and conversation of the family reminded me +forcibly of the household of the Dairyman, as described in Legh +Richmond's well known tract entitled "The Dairyman's Daughter." There +was an air of respectability, which is often felt, but which cannot +easily be described. + +Mr. Lewis was sitting bolstered up in bed. He could not breathe when +lying down; and could only speak in a broken whisper, with long +intervals between his words. Sitting with him was a married sister, who +had followed him to this country, and who had now come to remain with +him until after the closing scene. + +I took my seat near the bed, and begged Mrs. Lewis to allow me to pass +him the cordial with which he was constantly obliged to wet his lips. +With a courtesy she thanked me and resumed her sewing, while I addressed +a few words to the poor sufferer. + +"I am afraid you are too sick to hear me talk, you seem very ill this +morning." + +"All--peace--here," he whispered, laying his emaciated hand upon his +breast. + +I expressed very great pleasure that God had heard his prayer, and asked +whether he felt any of the fears with which he was troubled at my last +visit. + +He shook his head; and when I held the cup to his mouth said, +"I--can--trust--him. He--will--do--right." + +This, then, was the source of his peace. My eyes filled with tears as I +quoted the passage of Scripture which came into my mind. "Thou wilt keep +him in perfect peace whose soul is staid on Thee." I noticed that he +looked exceedingly faint, and motioned to his wife, who immediately held +some camphor to his nostrils, saying as she did so, that he could take +no nourishment. + +When he revived, I thought I had better retire; but he looked wistfully +first at me, then at his wife, who caught his meaning and said, "He +would like to have you read and pray with him as the Doctor does." + +I made no reply. What could I say? She arose and gave me an old, +well-preserved family Bible; and turning to the fourth of Hebrews, I was +just commencing to read about "the rest that remaineth to the people of +God," when a gentle knock at the outer door called Mrs. Lewis from the +room. I went on, however, in compliance with a wistful look from the +invalid, and read through the chapter, having in the mean time come to +the conclusion, that if the sister would leave the room, I would try to +comply with the dying man's request. Just as I closed the book, she +stepped softly behind me, and desired me to go below for a moment. +Explaining this in a word to Mr. Lewis, I complied with her wish. + +Entering the lower room, I found Mr. Munroe, who had been requested by +the Doctor to call. I was much interested in the account given by Mrs. +Lewis to her pastor; and which she narrated in language above her +station. I have often noticed that persons in humble life when speaking +upon religious topics, are elevated by their theme, and by their +familiarity with the language of scripture. + +Mr. Lewis was born of pious parents who early dedicated him to God, and +sought prayerfully to educate him in the fear of his Maker. He had lived +a perfectly moral and peaceful life, having been able to support his +family at least in comfort, until laid low by disease. When he was +unable longer to work, they had moved to Crawford, as a place where his +wife could find employment for her needle. + +They had three children, the girl and boy I mentioned, and one between +the ages of these two, who was at school. Mrs. Lewis felt that her +husband was a Christian, and had been, for many years. But he was of an +eminently timid spirit, distrustful of himself, and as he could not tell +the exact time of his conversion, not having been exercised in mind like +his wife, and many others whose experience he had heard or read, he had +been unwilling to make a public profession of religion. He had, however, +been in the daily habit of secret prayer, and of reading the scriptures; +had taught his children faithfully, not only the practical duties of +religion, but had endeavored to instil into their young minds the sacred +doctrines of the gospel, as he had been taught them by his parents. + +During the visit of the Doctor on Tuesday, the patient had given +evidence of a saving change; and he had urged the sick man to give glory +to God, and to hope in his mercy. This view of his case led the poor man +to a train of reflection, which ended in the calm but complete trust he +put in his Heavenly Father. + +He had none of the rapture with which Caroline was sometimes borne as on +angel wings, to heaven; but there were reasons to hope he was as truly a +monument of grace. At the Doctor's last call, he had humbly but +earnestly expressed a desire to unite himself to the people of God, and +to taste, at least, once on earth, of that feast of which our risen Lord +has said, "Do this in remembrance of me." + +The Doctor had requested our pastor to call and converse with him upon +this subject. I expressed my fear that the invalid was too much +fatigued; but Mr. Munroe said he should be very brief. + +I waited below for about ten minutes, when Mrs. Lewis invited me to go +up and join them in prayer. The regular season for the administration of +the ordinance here will be the first Sabbath in July, but as Mr. Lewis +will not probably live so long, it was concluded to have the service +privately administered to him next Sabbath afternoon. Mrs. Lewis invited +me to be present with the Doctor, which I promised to do, and left +accompanied by Mr. Munroe, whose house lay in the same direction. + +Mrs. Munroe has been absent ever since my arrival in Crawford, on a +visit to her father's. I told her husband, I anticipated much pleasure +in her acquaintance. + +He says, he is under great obligation to the Doctor, for informing him +of such cases as the one we had just witnessed. He is still so much of a +stranger in the place, he has not found out who are the members of his +parish. He enlarged particularly upon the great aid it was to a +clergyman, as well as upon the great advantage it was to the town, to +have a pious physician. He said it was often the case when physicians +were otherwise, that they were unwilling to have a pastor visit their +patients, vainly imagining that they might frighten and injure them. +Here he said, he everywhere met with evidence of the Doctor's +faithfulness to the souls as well as to the bodies of those to whom he +was called. + +This exactly accords with my own observation. I thank God that he has +made my dear Frank an instrument of good. + +As we were approaching Mr. Munroe's house, he said, "I have been much +surprised to hear that our neighbor Mr. Benson intends to leave his +people, and to go to Europe. He said nothing to me upon the subject," he +added, "when I met him on Sabbath morning. I should have supposed that +he would have wished to spend the last Sabbath among his own people. +There is some mystery about it." + +I made no reply; and after a pause, he inquired "Is he out of health?" + +"He certainly appeared so the day he preached," I replied. I did my best +to appear unembarrassed, but cannot say that I entirely succeeded. He +looked intently at me for a moment, but said no more. + +When I left him, he added, he should not be surprised if Mr. Lewis did +not live until the Sabbath, but he thought him prepared to die. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + "Give him not all his desire, so shalt thou strengthen him in hope; + Neither stop with indulgence the fountain of his tears, so shall he + fear thy firmness. + Above all things, graft on him subjection, yea in the veriest + trifle." TUPPER. + + +_Friday Evening, June 19th._ + +Emily continues convalescent, and her eye begins to have its former +lustre. She has sat in the chair nearly all the afternoon, while mother +and I were sewing and Pauline played with her toys upon the floor. I am +more than ever convinced that Emily's sickness is connected with her +mental trouble. + +I am likely to have full employment for my needle. Little girls need so +many changes, and Miss Pauline had none, on her arrival, however large +her wardrobe may have originally been. Mother wishes to assist me; but I +declined her kind offer. + +Poor little Pauline! she had a hard time this morning, and so did her +mamma. We had quite a controversy; but I will explain. Cæsar was going +to market in the village; and I told him if he would take the carriage, +I would ride with him, as I wished to make a few purchases. + +It is very warm; and I did not think it best for Pauline to accompany +me, as she had generally done of late. She thought this very hard, and +began to cry. I stepped back, and said, "Aunty sick; Pauline mustn't +cry," when she fairly screamed, and showed a very naughty temper. I saw +there was to be a contest; and I told Cæsar not to wait. "I must +postpone my ride until another time." Then taking her in my arms I +carried her to a room the farthest removed from Emily's, and laying off +my bonnet, attempted to take her into my lap. + +But no, she would not come to me. She ran across the room and threw +herself down on the floor, kicking and screaming. I was astonished, and +did not know what to do. I was afraid if she cried so, she would make +herself sick; at the same time I knew that she ought to be made to obey. +It was in my heart to take her up and coax her to be good; but this I +knew would injure her, and destroy my authority. In a low firm voice I +said, "Get up, Pauline, and come to mamma." She only kicked the more, +and screamed the louder. I had not supposed the child had half the +strength of limb or lungs. This was her first exhibition of temper. Till +now she had been uniformly yielding and mild, though to be sure, as +Frank says, this was the first time her wishes were ever crossed. + +I never was so perplexed; and if Frank had been in the house I should +have left her with him, and ran off where I couldn't hear her scream. I +kept repeating my commands; but she paid no attention, though I spoke as +gently and caressingly as I could, and asked her to be mamma's dear +little girl. She would stop screaming a moment and look at me; and when +I thought she was going to yield, she would begin afresh. + +I tried to think she did not understand me, and was thankful for any +excuse for her. But in this I soon found I was mistaken; for I told her +to pick up a block and put it in the chair. This she did readily; then +when I told her to come to me, she lay down and began to kick and scream +with all her might. + +I left her on the floor, and calling mother out of Emily's room, told +her in a whisper my trouble, and asked her what I could do. I even +begged her to go in, and try her skill. But she said that would not +answer the purpose; Pauline must be made to submit to me, as her parent. +She encouraged me by saying, "I once had just such a contest with Frank; +but when he yielded, it was for life." + +I therefore returned to the room, with a heavy heart, where the noise +had entirely subsided. Finding, however, that she was no more ready to +obey, but had stopped from sheer exhaustion, I kneeled by the chair, and +asked God to give me wisdom and strength for this emergency. And if +chastisement were necessary, I prayed that it might be administered in a +right spirit. + +I arose and took my seat. "Pauline," said I, "if you do not come to +mamma, she will have to punish you." She looked at me earnestly, +attracted by the tone of my voice, which was very decided; but she did +not seem to know what punishing meant. "Will you come?" I repeated. She +shook her head decidedly. I went to her and taking her hand struck it +with mine. Oh, dear, how it made my heart ache! Her lip quivered, and +then she burst out afresh. Both the command and the punishment, I had to +repeat five or six times; but at length, when I resumed my seat and +asked, "Now will my little Pauline come to mamma?" + +She ran and threw herself into my arms. The contest was over. I carried +her back two or three times, and then called her, when she readily +obeyed. Now I could act out the impulses of my heart; I kissed her, and +wept over her. Then I pressed her tightly in my arms, while I told her +mamma was sorry, her little girl had been so naughty. She took her apron +to wipe away my tears, and seeing me still weep, she sobbed aloud. + +When she became composed, I carried her to mother, where, though her lip +still quivered, she was Pauline again. She kissed them all, and told +them, "mamma sorry," which she repeated to papa, and Ann. My grief made +a great impression upon her tender heart. + +I know, dear mother, you will sympathize with me in this trial. I think, +however, it will do the child good. Frank remarked at dinner, that I +looked very pale, and I certainly felt worse for the excitement; but he, +and all the rest, rejoiced with me in the happy termination. Pauline +sobbed a long time after she was asleep; but this afternoon she has been +like a little lamb, coming every time she looked up from her play and +met my eye, to give me a sweet kiss. + + +_Saturday, June 20th._ + +This morning I went to the village, and though I trembled for my +daughter, lest the scene of yesterday should be repeated, she behaved +well; and I promised her a ride this afternoon with papa. Did I tell +you, I had taught her to say "Papa?" I had no idea of being her _only_ +parent. + +During the forenoon, I received a very pleasant call from Lucy Lee, the +daughter of Squire Lee, our richest citizen, who made his money, as I +have told you, by his distillery. She is a beautiful girl, modest and +sweet in her manners, but looked to-day very pale and careworn. My +thoughts recurred to what I had heard of her domestic trials. I was glad +she was unaccompanied by her brother, who is very disagreeable to me +with his talk of "_our_ place, _our_ horses, _our_ store." It seems +hardly possible that he can be her _own_ brother. + +Lucy is said to be like her mother, now deceased. Joseph is like his +father, and has been so much indulged, especially since his mother's +death, that he is now the master. Emily says the whole family are afraid +of him; and that Lucy, with whom she is intimate, lives a very sad life +in the midst of all their splendor. + +I invited the dear girl to come to tea next week, to which she +cheerfully consented. I hope, by that time Emily may be down stairs. + +This afternoon I persuaded mother to take my place with Frank for a +drive. She has confined herself closely for the last week. Pauline was +delighted to accompany them, though she did not like to leave mamma. I +took my sewing into sister's room, where we were soon busy in +conversation. After a little time, she interrupted me, as I was +beginning a remark, "Cora, I want to say something to you while mother +is gone. I wish your advice and assistance." + +"Well, dear Emily, it is very easy to give advice;" but while I spoke, +my heart began to beat very fast. I feared it would be something about +Mr. Benson, and then the truth concerning him would have to be told. + +Emily suddenly covered her face with her handkerchief, "I have treated +him shamefully." + +"Who?" + +She looked at me as if she wondered that I should not know of whom she +was speaking, and could not bear to mention his name. As I still looked +inquiringly, she added, "Mr. Benson," and blushed crimson. "He made +proposals of marriage to me the evening after our ride to Waverley, and +I indignantly refused him. I treated him as no lady should treat a +gentleman under such circumstances, even if she cannot love him. But I +_did_ love him! I _do_ love him _now_!" she repeated earnestly, again +hiding her face. + +"Then why, dearest Emily, did you treat him so cruelly? I think you were +very much in the wrong." + +"I know it, I confess it," she replied, beginning to weep. + +"I can't understand you, Emily. You loved him dearly?" She bowed her +head; "and yet refused him with scorn?" She bowed her head still lower. +"Why?" I again asked. + +"Because," she said passionately, "he seemed so certain I should make a +courtesy, and say 'Yes, sir, I thank you.' I suppose he expected I +should fall right into his arms the moment he gave me leave. I loved him +when he was away, yet there was something in his manner toward me which +roused all my pride, and more ugly feelings than I knew I possessed. He +showed his love too openly, as if he were sure of success." + +"I thought," said I with a smile, "that you wished the one you married +to be very loving and often assure you of his love." + +"Pooh!" said she, trying to laugh, "that was all my nonsense. I would +rather a dozen times, that he would be like Frank. Now he almost +worships you; but he is not always talking about it, and showing it in +such silly ways." I now began to blush in earnest. "But it is foolish to +talk of all this now. The die is cast, and I have no one but myself to +blame. I have been thinking it all over, and have brought down my pride +to asking his forgiveness for my haughty manner; mind, I say for the +_manner_ of my refusal. But it has cost me a hard struggle." + +"What made you treat him so the night he called when you were sick?" + +"I don't know," she replied, sadly; "I believe I was possessed with some +evil spirit. If he had come in an hour earlier, he would have found me +humble enough." + +"Did you expect him?" + +"I half expected he would call," covering her face to hide her blushes. +"But my mind was all worked up, and my head ached so, and--and I thought +he'd think I was mourning for him. But I've suffered enough for my +foolish pride." + +"Poor girl!" I thought; "if she knew what I do, she would suffer more." +"Emily," said I, rising and taking her hand, "I pity you sincerely; but +I cannot help telling you, I think you have been greatly to blame." + +"Well, I'm willing to hear that from you; and I have acknowledged it." + +"In the first place," I continued, "it was entirely your imagination +with regard to him. His manner, as far as I saw it, was uniformly +respectful and tender, perhaps too openly the latter to suit my taste; +but not the least bordering on undue confidence in your attachment. +Indeed, I thought he did not sufficiently respect himself, and was too +distrustful. Then I can't understand how you could love him, and yet +give him such pain. You saw how very pale he looked." + +"Oh, don't repeat it! I have thought of nothing else;" and the poor girl +wept bitterly. Suddenly she looked up, as she heard the carriage, and +trying to wipe away her tears, said quickly, "Not a word of all this for +the world. I want you to take charge of a note from me, and send it to +him." + +"When shall you write it?" + +"Some time next week," she answered, putting her finger on her lip, as +she heard mother at the door. + +I was glad to escape from the room; and ran down to take Pauline from +papa. My head was all in a whirl. I am glad I did not promise secrecy, +for I must tell Frank the first chance I get. He will know what to do. + + +_Sabbath Evening, June 21st._ + +I remained at home with sister this morning, while mother went to +church. It is a rainy day. I suppose we ought to be thankful, for the +earth was very dry and dusty; but I do love a pleasant Sabbath. This +afternoon I went with Frank to church, and from thence to the house of +Mr. Lewis. Mr. Munroe and Deacon Jackson rode with us, and after the +horse had been driven under a shed, we all proceeded to the sick room, +the deacon carrying with him a basket containing the sacred elements. + +One of the tenants of the house had opened her room opposite, for the +convenience of the company; and I was surprised as I passed up the +stairs to see that it was crowded with people; many of them, I suppose, +members of the church who came in to unite in the ordinance. + +A clean white linen cloth was spread over the table at the foot of the +bed, upon which Deacon Jackson placed two cups of wine and a plate of +bread, covering the whole with a napkin. In the midst of intense +feeling, I noticed all this, with pleasure, as evidence of the reverence +and awe with which he handled the elements which were to represent the +body and blood of our Lord. + +The poor dying man, in clean clothing, lay on his bed with everything +about him spotless and white as snow. Though he looked exceedingly pale, +yet there was an elevation and glory in his face, which showed that his +soul had communion with his Saviour, and that the gracious Spirit was +strengthening him for this solemn occasion. + +Though it rained very hard, yet the window near the bed was open to give +the poor man fresh air, while his wife stood near him with a fan. I was +affected to see that she had reserved two seats near the bed for the +Doctor and myself. Mr. Munroe occupied a place at the door that he might +be heard in both apartments. Frank gently moved one of the chairs toward +her, motioned her to sit in it, and stood by my side. + +The solemn service commenced with an invocation, after which the +covenant and creed of the church were read, and heartily responded to by +the invalid, if I may judge from his rapt attention; then a short prayer +consecrating the elements, which were distributed. The Doctor took the +cup from Deacon Jackson, and gently raising the sick man, held it to his +lips. There was truly a sublime expression on his countenance. With +uplifted hands, he whispered, +"Dear--_dear_--Jesus--died--for--me--glory--_immortal_--GLORY!!" + +In a moment the expression changed, and Frank, who was closely watching +him, stepped to Mr. Munroe, and told him he feared Mr. Lewis would +faint. The clergyman immediately pronounced the benediction, and +requested the friends quietly to withdraw. + +I stepped to the backside of the room, while the Doctor opened the other +windows for a moment to change the air, and with the help of strong +restoratives, the patient soon revived, and was able to swallow a little +of the wine and water the Doctor had prepared. I went toward the bed to +bid him farewell, doubting whether I should ever see him alive again. He +looked at me affectionately and gratefully, and pointed up, as if he +would ask me to meet him in heaven. I pressed his cold hand to my lips +and silently left the room. + +Mrs. Lewis followed us to the door, where she took Frank's hands in +both of hers, and burst into tears. The most ardent desire of her soul +for her poor dying husband had been realized; her prayers for years, +answered; and though he was to be taken from her, she trusted she should +meet him in a better world, to part no more. + +I was deeply solemnized and impressed by this scene. It is the first +time my dear husband and I have together tasted the memorials of our +Saviour's love. I think I shall not soon forget it. + + +_Monday Morning, June 22d._ + +Mr. Lewis breathed his last this morning soon after eight o'clock. The +Doctor reached there a few moments after, and made all the arrangements +for the funeral, which is to be on Wednesday afternoon in the chapel +near the church. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + "Oh! 'tis the _heart_ that magnifies the life, + Making a truth and beauty of its own." WORDSWORTH. + + +_Monday Evening._ + +Emily is so much better, we think she can go down stairs to-morrow. As I +have had no suitable opportunity to talk with Frank, I have avoided, +when with her, the subject of our late interview. + +I went with my husband this afternoon to visit the most charming old +lady I have ever seen. I wish you could see her; she is over eighty, but +just as fair as a young girl, and from her being of full habit, she has +scarcely a wrinkle on her face. She has the most gentle, loving blue +eyes, and her gray hair is nicely combed down under a plain muslin cap. +Many a young girl might be envious of the beautiful peach bloom of her +cheeks. But these are not her greatest charms. It is her manner, her +heart overflowing with love to all. I believe everybody loves her, +because she loves everybody; and she doesn't hesitate to show it. She is +the mother of Mrs. Squire Wilson, to whom the Doctor was called for a +sprained ancle. I could soon understand why he was so pleased to take me +there with him. + +When she heard the carriage, Mrs. Low, or "Aunt Susy," as every one +calls her, came to the door, and shading her eyes from the sun with her +hand, stood looking until the Doctor alighted. + +"Well now, Dr. Frank, that's you," (she had known him from a baby,) "I +reckoned you'd be here before long." + +Frank led the horse to the steps and lifted me out. + +"Who's that, now, you've got with you?" she asked, looking at me. + +"Somebody else for you to love," said he laughing, for she had taken +possession of his hands. + +She started, and holding me by the shoulders in a most loving way, said, +"La, now, Doctor! this 'ere little thing don't b'long to you, does she? +Is she your wife, I heard tell about?" at the same time she gave me a +most hearty squeeze. + +Frank laughed as he bowed his assent. + +"I reckoned," she added, "you'd pick'd out one a proper sight older'n +this little gal, you was allus so stiff." + +As she continued to press me in her arms, and then push me off to look +again, my husband began to look as if he was afraid he never should get +me away again. All this time with a true delicacy, she had not kissed +me, as if she were not sure I would like to be kissed by so old a +person. But I soon relieved her on this point, and then we all walked +into the sitting-room where her daughter, who was evidently used to such +scenes, was patiently awaiting us. After being introduced to Mrs. +Wilson, whom I recognized, (as I had met her at mother's levee,) the +Doctor proceeded to examine her ancle. Aunt Susy and I took seats on the +little sofa which was covered with bright chintz. She sat very close to +me, and with a press of my hand which she held, she motioned with her +head toward the Doctor, saying in what she meant for a whisper, "he's a +real nice man to live with, I'll be bound." I only laughed and nodded. + +"Them stiddy ones, sometimes turns out the greatest rogues," she +continued in a comforting tone, "now I calculated, he'd court a prim, +proper kind of a woman, a reglar old maid, that'ud be company for his +mother; but there's no telling what people will do, times changes so, +since I was a gal." + +I was well convinced by the spasmodic motion about Dr. Frank's mouth, +that he was not so absorbed in the examination of Mrs. Wilson's foot +that he did not hear every word of this _confidential_ talk, I therefore +thought, I would try to change the subject of conversation. As I could +think of nothing else, I told her what a dear little girl I had found. +She was almost breathless with interest, and when I stopped she said:-- + +"Now I never heard the cap to that! Now do tell if you're gone to keep +her for your own, or if you're gone to kind o'make a servant of her?" + +"Oh, no indeed!" I answered quickly, "Frank loves her as well, or almost +as well as I do, and we have adopted her for our own." + +"And she's nothin to you, by blood I mean?" + +"Oh, no, we don't know whose child she is." + +"Well, that is the beater!" she exclaimed, and for the child's sake I +suppose, gave me another squeeze and kiss. + +"Betsey," said she to her daughter, "Did you ever hear tell what Dr. +Frank's been and done?" + +"No, mother." + +"Well, he'd no more'n got his little young wife safely housed, than he +was so impatient for a darter, that he went and picked up one out of the +streets, and gin to her to take care on." + +The Doctor and I laughed heartily at this curious exposition of our +domestic affairs, while she evidently thought she had stated the case +exactly. She ended with, "There now, I never was so beat. To think of +Dr. Frank starting off on sich a rig. However, I hope good luck'll come +on't, and mabby you'll soon find out who the child b'longs ter." + +"Oh! no," said I, interrupting her, "that is the only thing I'm afraid +of, I couldn't give her up." + +"Look there, now!" said Aunt Susy, turning in surprise to the Doctor, +"an't it mazin how these young critters takes to children." + +We both rose to go; but she just took my hands, and set me down again. +"Sit right there, till I bring you some luncheon." + +I told her I preferred not taking any; but she would hear no excuse. She +went out into the kitchen, and very soon brought a waiter, covered with +a clean napkin, holding two tumblers of rich milk, and some nice sponge +cake. It was really delicious. Mrs. Wilson addressed a few words to me; +but I was not at all drawn to her as to her mother. The Doctor says she +is a woman possessed of a very good mind, and has been a great reader, +but has never had children to develop her affection and modify her +character. + +When we had disposed of the lunch, and Frank had given his directions to +his patient, we prepared to take leave, receiving one or two extra +kisses, and a good squeeze of the Doctor's arm for his part. + +"Bring her here when you come again," said the old lady, pointing to me. +"She's a pootty critter." Aunt Susy is a little deaf, and seems to think +everybody else so. "I think so too," whispered Frank in her ear, loud +enough for others to have the full benefit, when, after receiving a +loving pat on his arm, he jumped into the carriage. + +I told the Doctor on our way home, how disappointed his old friend was, +that he had not married a more suitable person,--one that could be a +companion both for him and his mother. He laughed so heartily, that I +had to hush him several times, for fear some one would hear. + +"Yes," he said, when he could speak, "I know who the old lady wanted me +to have; but in the choice of a wife I intended to suit myself. So if +you are satisfied, I prophesy she will soon be reconciled." + +Now, my dear mother, if you have any idea from what I have written, that +Aunt Susy has anything coarse about her, I have not described her well +at all. She is truly refined in her feelings. I wish all the ladies I +have met in high life were as much so. She is a dear, old-fashioned, +warm-hearted woman; and it makes one's heart warm just to hear her name. +Mother says, her husband was one of the most highly respected men in the +state,--a justice of the peace, and lived independently on his farm, +where he was monarch of all he surveyed. Mrs. Low had considerable +property which she has made over to her daughter, who takes care of her. + + +_Tuesday, June 23d._ + +This has been a very warm day, and I have not been out of the house, +though I wished much to see Caroline Leighton. She is quite comfortable +again, and sits in her chair two or three hours at a time. + +Last night after we retired to our room, I told Frank I wanted to ask +his advice upon a very important subject. So we sat down in the bright +moonlight, while I told him about Emily. He said not a word, but heard +me with interest. I fancy he controlled his feelings, as he frightened +me so much the other night. "Now you see, Frank," I said, "you did Emily +injustice. She has acknowledged she did wrong; and she intends to +confess it to Mr. Benson." + +"Ahem!" was all the reply. + +"What can I do?" No answer. + +"After all," said he, starting up to walk across the room, "it is quite +a triumph for Emily to confess her error to him. She has her full share +of the Lenox pride; and we all have enough of it. It must have cost her +a great struggle. But that doesn't help the poor fellow. I should wish +no farther acquaintance with a lady who had treated me so rudely." + +Frank seemed to be soliloquizing, and I interrupted him by asking again, +"My dear _husband_, what shall I do?" + +"I can tell you, my love, what I shall do, very quickly," he replied, +coming and taking my hand, while he kissed me repeatedly. "I shall love +you with all my heart for calling me by so dear a name." I had never +before addressed him as my "husband." + +I felt very courageous in the moonlight, and said, "Why, Frank, I +understood you to say nearly a year ago, that you had lost your heart. +Have you found it again?" + +"Not exactly; but I've found the warmest, largest, most precious heart, +to put in its place." + +"But," said I after a moment, "to return to Emily. She intends writing a +note, which she wishes me to send." + +"I don't see how that can be done. We don't know where to direct. Did he +mention the name of the family he was going with?" + +"Yes, Mr. Karswell, a merchant in New York. Mr. Benson goes with his +son, who has just graduated, or is about to graduate." + +"Then I think we might reach him through his patron. Address it to the +care of C. M. Karswell--I know the firm. Charles does not leave college +until sometime next month. I suppose arrangements will be made for them +to sail soon after his graduation. I will confess to not a little +curiosity to read Emily's epistle. Will she show it to you?" + +"I think it doubtful," I replied. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + "He loved--loved keenly; and he could not bow + To what seemed tyranny, and so he sought + His wonted happiness, at least the bliss + Of mutual tears, and vows of tenderness, + Never to leave their loves, but always cling + To the fixed hope, that there should be a time, + When they could meet unfettered, and be blest + With the full happiness of certain love." PERCIVAL. + + +_Wednesday, June 24th._ + +I forgot to mention last night that the services of the Doctor had been +requested at the Nabob's mansion, or "Lee Hall," as Joseph styles it. In +other words, when Frank went to his office in the village yesterday +morning, he found the following request upon the tablet. "Will Dr. Lenox +call at Squire Lee's residence this forenoon, to afford medical advice +and relief?" This was written by Joseph in a bold flourishing hand. + +The Doctor called, and found Lucy was the patient. _Patient_, she +certainly was in one sense of the word, though not much sick. Frank +says, her trouble is beyond his reach. It is sorrow of heart. Lucy has +from a child been intimate with sister, and is of course well acquainted +with the Doctor. When he kindly enquired the symptoms of her complaint, +she did not speak, but just placed her hand upon her heart with a +sorrowful expression. He asked if there was nothing he could do for her +relief. She shook her head with such a woe begone look that he was +deeply moved. He could do nothing but recommend nourishing food, and +free exercise in the open air. He did not leave until she promised to +fulfil her engagement to take tea with us on the morrow, when he wishes +us, if possible, to cheer her spirits as the best means of restoring her +health. + + +_Thursday, June 25th._ + +Directly after breakfast I went with the Doctor to see Caroline, and +spent a delightful hour in reading to her, and in conversation on +religion. The Bible and subjects relating to it are her meat and drink. + +Directly after my return, I wrote a note to Lucy Lee, begging her to +come to us at an early hour; and in consequence of my invitation, she +made her appearance about three o'clock. We were all moved by the +expression of meek and patient endurance upon her lovely countenance. + +I purposely left her alone with Emily, for I thought that she might talk +more freely with her, and perhaps find relief from her sympathy and +affection. I had just returned from the cottage with Pauline, where +mother was occupied with Ruth in preparing for their return, when Emily +requested me to go into her room, to which she had invited Lucy, that +they might be free from interruption. + +I found Emily in a state of great excitement, and poor Lucy with her +handkerchief to her face silently weeping. + +"I say," exclaimed Emily passionately, "it's a disgrace to the town, for +such a system of persecution to go on, as has been, and is still pursued +toward her," pointing to Lucy, who had not looked up, "and not have it +inquired into and prevented." Emily had, for the time, forgotten her own +trials, in her indignation at the greater ones of her friend. + +I sat down by the weeping girl, putting my arm around her waist. She +thanked me by a press of the hand, while Emily, who sat in a +rocking-chair opposite, (she was too excited to keep still a moment,) +continued, "Only think, Cora, of that rascally fellow Joseph." Poor Lucy +looked imploringly. + +"Excuse me, poor girl; but much as I love you, I have always detested +your brother. He has nothing of the gentleman about him. But I never +could have believed he would have acted so cruelly." + +I had been waiting in vain to hear the occasion of this ebullition of +feeling; and I interrupted my indignant sister, by saying, "You forget, +Emily, that I know nothing of the circumstances." + +She then gave me, in substance, the following narrative: + +From a child, Lucy has been attached to Allen Mansfield. In fact, they +can hardly remember the time when they did not love each other. While +Mrs. Lee lived, all went on well; and although a very gentle, loving +woman, she exerted a considerable influence over her husband, and +persuaded him to consent to their early betrothal. Allen's father, Mr. +Mansfield, is a merchant in this place, carrying on a prosperous +business; and, at the time of their engagement, his son was considered, +in point of wealth, a suitable match for Lucy. Allen was everything her +mother desired; honorable, upright and virtuous, of generous heart, and +noble principles. More than all, he and his beloved were united in the +most enduring tie of Christian friendship, and had together made a +public profession of religion. + +Since that time, however, Squire Lee, by means of his horrible traffic +in ardent spirits, has added house to house and farm to farm, until he +has been easily persuaded by his son, that his only daughter ought to +look higher in her choice of a husband. Not that brotherly affection was +so strong in Joseph. Dislike to Allen was his ruling motive. They had +been schoolmates; and though from love to the gentle sister, Allen had +tried to show, at least, kindness to her brother, yet he could not +always conceal his displeasure at Joseph's conduct. A slight or neglect +this haughty young man never forgot. He only waited his time to make +sure his revenge. Since Allen's intimacy with the family, he had indeed +treated him with outward politeness; yet he hated him on account of his +strong, and oft expressed disapprobation of the course he was pursuing, +and the character of his companions. In this way he had gradually worked +his mind into such a state, that there was no calamity too great for him +to visit upon Allen, had it been in his power. + +Such was their relation, when it occurred to the poor drunken creature, +(for no less was he a drunkard because his wines were imported from +Europe at four dollars a bottle; and his Cogniac the best which could be +obtained,) to revenge himself upon Allen by depriving him of Lucy. He +neither thought, nor cared for the sorrow it would cause her loving +heart. He went to work with a zeal worthy of a better cause. By speaking +in a disparaging tone of him to his father, he gradually led him to view +the young man as no longer suitable in rank or station to be allied to a +daughter of their house. + +Poor Lucy! At first she gently tried to defend her lover from inuendoes, +and insinuations which her brother took care should be in such general +terms, they could not be met and refuted. Every one is aware how much +worse than an open accusation are implications like the following:--"If +I were to tell what I know, Allen Mansfield would be hooted out of good +society. He is called clever, but I wouldn't ensure his honor nor his +virtue." + +It was not strange that Squire Lee, who had long suffered himself to be +guided; nay, almost governed by his son, and who was much enfeebled in +mind by the free use of brandy, determined to break the match, nor that +he one day, when he had drunk so much that he could hardly stand, almost +broke her heart by commanding her to dismiss Allen, or he himself would +do it. + +The wretched girl had had many doubts and misgivings whereunto these +things would grow, and had shed many bitter tears in secret; but as she +had no idea of the extent of her brother's malice, nor of the strength +of his determination upon revenge, she had never conceived so dreadful a +result. + +For a week, she was obliged to keep her bed, being almost overwhelmed +with sorrow. Dear girl! the thought never entered her mind that it could +be possible to resist so unjust a sentence. Allen, however, was of +different temperament. Naturally gentle and kind, yet when his +indignation was roused, he had the courage of a lion. + +Having heard that Lucy was sick, he hastened to inquire for her. It so +happened that he went to the house when Squire Lee was alone, and more +than usually under the influence of reason. Though he forbid his +visiting Lucy, or having anything more to say to her, as he expressed +it, yet he did so in a less offensive manner than on the occasion of his +interview with his daughter. + +The consequence was that the young man did not feel called upon to obey +him, but in a day or two called again, having waited in vain for an +answer to several letters, he had written to Lucy. On this occasion, +however, his visit was not so well timed. Joseph was with his father, +who had not yet recovered from his heavy potations of wine and brandy at +dinner, and who, therefore, was easily strengthened by his son in his +cruel purpose. + +A dreadful scene ensued. Allen, whose heart-interest was at stake, +determined, for the sake of her whom he loved, to be respectful to her +father. But he was not prepared to withstand the perfect torrent of +wrath which burst upon him. When he entered and inquired for Lucy, +Joseph sneeringly said, "My sister shall never marry a mean scoundrel +like you." + +Paying no attention to this, which, however, made his blood boil, he +turned to the old gentleman, saying, "You surely cannot be in earnest in +trying to separate your daughter and myself. Your deceased wife was my +friend; and she as well as yourself gave a ready consent to our union." +In the midst of his wrath Squire Lee was a little softened by the tone +and manner of the young man, as well as by the mention of his wife, +whom he had loved next to himself. He was about to speak more kindly, +when Joseph, perceiving his intention, interrupted him. + +"Lucy Lee will be an heiress; no wonder you are loath to give up her +wealth." + +Allen turned deadly pale from suppressed emotion, but controlling his +feelings, said, "Squire Lee, I ask again the hand of your daughter. I +will gladly take her without one farthing of your hoarded wealth." + +Joseph whispered something in his father's ear, who replied, "all very +fine, young man--_very fine_ talk" (hiccough) "indeed; but you--can't +have her. You see" (hiccough) "we've," with a cunning look at Joseph, +"other views for her." + +Allen could contain himself no longer, and in a terrible voice denounced +both father and son as inhuman and brutal in their conduct. "The time +will surely come," he added, "when you will bitterly regret your cruelty +toward her, and your abuse of me." + +Were these prophetic words? + +Joseph, who was beside himself with rage, flew at Allen, and aimed a +violent blow at his head, which the young man dexterously warded off. + +Poor Lucy, who had been attracted by the noise below, sprang from her +bed, and having thrown on a loose robe, rushed wildly into the room. All +stood for one moment speechless with astonishment at her presence, and +frightful pallor. She threw herself at her father's feet, begging him +not to break her heart. She frantically invoked the spirit of her +departed mother to intercede for her, but alas! to no effect. Squire Lee +sat motionless while Joseph in a fury rang the bell, and said to the +porter, "turn that rascal out of the house." + +Allen, seeing there was no hope for him or his dearly beloved Lucy, +suddenly caught her in his arms, held her for one brief moment to his +breast, bade her farewell, and left the house. There was a sincerity in +his grief, a dignity in his manner, which made even the hard hearts of +both brother and father quail. + +Here at Emily's request, Lucy continued the narrative. "I cannot +remember what immediately followed; but when I recovered my +consciousness, I was in my own room. Mrs. Burns the house-keeper, almost +my only friend and confidant, stood bathing my hands and face. From that +time I gave up all hope of happiness with Allen, though he has never +ceased to write me the most tender letters, urging me not to despair, +but to hope on, and hope ever." + + + "Love in the earnest mind is not a dream, + To fade in sorrow, or grow dim by age, + But a most true outpouring of the soul; + A pledge of faith, that looking from the past, + And through the present--sees beyond it all + Hope unaffected by earth's weary change." + + +"I have never written in reply, but have sent messages of unchangeable +and undying love. I begged Mrs. Burns, through whom alone we could +communicate, to tell my dear Allen, that though I could not marry him in +defiance of my father's command; yet I would not marry another. He would +never cease to be dearer to me than life." + +The distressed girl wept so much, that Emily resumed. Weeks passed on, +and Joseph encouraged by her passive obedience, began to think he could +now bestow her hand to his own advantage. + +Among the vile acquaintances which he had formed in a neighboring city, +was Mr. William Arnold, a man about thirty years of age, of whose +elegant dress and accomplishments Joseph was never tired of talking. He +was often at the house, and Lucy from an instinctive feeling of dislike +avoided him as much as possible. She was obliged to meet him at the +table, and to treat him with civility as a guest. She says she has +sometimes questioned herself as to the ground of her prejudice against +him. He is tall, of an elegant figure, and very free, easy manners. He +converses well, and has rendered himself a favorite with the old +gentleman; but there is a look in his eye which she says cannot be +trusted. Then the fact of his being so intimate with her brother is +strongly against him. + +But when Mr. Arnold began to exhibit a fondness for her society, and +whispered soft nothings in her ear, she says "she absolutely loathed +him." + +"His passionate eye," exclaimed Lucy, starting from her seat in great +excitement, "actually makes all my bones to shake. I would willingly +have confined myself to my room; but this I was not allowed to do. My +father," she added with a deep sigh, "no doubt instigated to such a +course by my brother, commands me to appear, as he says whatever company +he chooses to invite to the house is only too good for me. I pined and +wept in secret, but was required to appear cheerful in the presence of +my now avowed admirer." + +With a look of horror, the wretched girl said "I had rather die than +marry him." She acknowledged, however, that she dared not openly resist +her brother's wishes. "When he has been drinking he is--" she checked +herself, "very unlike a brother," and she shuddered with fear at the +thought. + +"I am willing to give up Allen, though he is so _very_ dear to me; but +why need they force me to marry this vile man." She said when the Doctor +called she longed to ask his advice; but fear restrained her; and then +she knew it could do no good. This was said almost in a tone of despair. + +In her indignation, Emily was for sending a police officer to take +father and son and lock them up in jail. I was silent from astonishment; +I had known of cases in France where children were forced to marry +against their will; but can it be so, thought I, in this free country? +Why then this boast of liberty? I am so much interested in this sweet +girl that I have given you a full account of her trials, embracing what +was told me during this interview, and what I learned from mother and +Frank after her departure. I gave the poor girl all my sympathy, while +Emily was very free with her advice, some of which from Lucy's shake of +the head, I foresaw it would be difficult, if not impossible, for her to +follow. But we both urged her to be firm in refusing to give her hand to +one whom she did not respect, and therefore could not love. In this +advice we were joined by my husband and mother. + +After she left, we sat late talking about Squire Lee. I gathered from +what they said, that when the old gentleman first came to the village, +he was a poor boy, and was employed as a clerk in a grocer's store. +Being a shrewd, active lad, he had worked his way up to be a partner in +the firm. Then he married his partner's daughter, at which time they +increased their business, and built their distillery. This proved so +much more profitable than their grocery, that they sold out their store +and devoted themselves entirely to the manufacture of New England rum. + +When his father-in-law died, the whole manufactory and trade fell into +his hands; and now he is possessed of great wealth. It was certainly +known that many houses and farms had passed into his hands; and that a +large number of families had been reduced from independence and comfort +to beggary through their connection with this ruinous business; this +soul-killing establishment. + +Frank said his father had often remarked the deplorable effect this +traffic had upon the mind and character of his neighbor. From being +apparently a kind hearted man, he had gradually become hard, unfeeling +and inhuman. Mammon and Bacchus were his gods. Personal ease and +domestic tranquillity, neighbors and friends, family and home, his body +and his soul, he had sacrificed to these divinities. + + +_Friday, July 3d._ + +Great preparations are making for the celebration of the Fourth of +July, which is the anniversary of the national independence. + +I really think Lucy's visit has been of service to Emily by taking her +mind from herself. She gave me a sealed note to-day directed to Rev. +Frederic Benson, which Frank has enclosed in a wrapper to Mr. Karswell. + + +_Saturday, July 4th._ + +On many accounts this has been a trying day to me. I suppose I do not +yet feel patriotic enough to bear the noise patiently. This morning we +were awakened with the first streak of light, by the booming of cannons +on a neighboring height. My poor little Pauline screamed and cried. When +I took her from her crib into my bed, her teeth chattered from her +affright. I tried to talk with her and soothe her; but in truth I had as +much as I could do to calm myself. The continued roar made me tremble so +much that I could easily sympathize with the frightened girl. + +Doctor Frank expressed much sorrow for us, and would gladly have +prevented it, if possible; but he said there was no help for it but +patience. He comforted both Pauline and myself, by saying he would hurry +through his morning calls, as he has no very sick patients, and take us +all out into the country beyond the reach of the noise. + +After an early dinner we started to rid ourselves of the noise of +cannons and bells, which were to commence again their tumult at noon. We +had a delightful ride and picnic in a grove. We carried cold chicken, +ham and condiments in a basket, and spread them out on a cloth under the +trees. Pauline forgot all her troubles, and amused us much by her +gayety. She danced and tried to sing in her delight. + +When she was tired, she went to Frank and turned her back for him to +lift her up. He pretended not to know what she wanted, so as to have the +pleasure of hearing her say, "please, papa, take Pauline." It is really +amusing to watch them together. She goes quite as a matter of course to +him when he sits in the library, and asks him to "take her," waiting +patiently for half an hour, it may be, for him to finish reading his +paper. Then she is sure of a frolic. + +It often makes me laugh till the tears run down my cheeks, to see him +dancing about the room, with Pauline perched upon his shoulder, holding +tightly to his hair. It is fortunate for the young miss, it is curly, +else her hold would not be quite so firm. I wonder what Madame Le Row or +Mademoiselle Blanche would say to see Dr. Lenox, "the graceful, refined, +but rather too serious Dr. Lenox," capering about the room in that +style. + + + "He will not blush that hath a father's heart, + To take in childish plays a childish part." + + + + +CHAPTER X. + + "If a soul thou would'st redeem, + And lead a lost one back to God;-- + Would'st thou a guardian angel seem + To one who long in guilt hath trod,-- + Go kindly to him,--take his hand + With gentlest words within thine own, + And by his side a brother stand, + Till all the demons thou dethrone." MRS. C. M. SAWYER. + + +_Monday, July 6th._ + +This afternoon, I rode out with Frank to visit an elegant residence, +about three miles distant. The house stands on an elevation, and has a +beautiful lawn in front, descending toward a small lake or pond; on the +shore of which stands a neat but tasteful boat-house, with +accommodations for boating or fishing. + +I saw a young girl rowing herself in a light skiff. She appeared to me +to be about to upset every minute; but Frank told me it was an Indian +canoe, which, being very light, can be paddled about with great ease and +safety. + +On our return, a woman came to the door of her house and requested the +Doctor to call at Jones's, where a child was sick, intimating that she +wished to say something more, but did not like to do so in my presence. +I immediately proposed to alight from the carriage and proceed to the +house of the patient, which was but a few steps distant. + +Both the outer and inner doors were open, and nothing could be more +appalling than the sight presented to my view. The room itself was +capable of being made comfortable, if proper care had been bestowed +upon it. But at present poverty and filth ruled without restraint. + +The sick child lay upon a tottering bedstead, which was covered with +pieces of carpet, torn quilts, or anything which could be procured from +the floor or elsewhere. A part of an old rag-mat was fastened by two +forks to the window at the side of the bed, to serve the double purpose +of keeping out the wind and light, as there was hardly a whole pane of +glass. + +Chairs without backs, and a table under which a barrel had been pushed +to serve in the place of a missing leg, made up the inventory of the +furniture. On the floor, in the farther corner, lay the remnant of an +old straw bed, and upon it was stretched in brutal unconsciousness of +all around him the father of the family; the husband of the woman who +was weeping over the sick child. + +I announced myself as the wife of their physician, and was received by +her in a way which led me to suppose she had seen better days. I felt of +the little hand, lying over the side of the bed, and found it burning +with fever. The sufferer lay with her eyes and mouth partly open, and +her hair in a tangled mat about her face and neck. + +"How long has she been in this stupor?" I asked, as the child took no +notice of me. + +"Since early in the morning." + +"And have you given her no medicine?" + +"Oh, yes! I have tried to force down a little spirit; but her teeth +seemed set, so that she could not swallow." + +I was never more rejoiced than to see Frank enter, as he did at this +moment. He bid the woman get him a clean cloth, and some warm water. The +latter she procured from a neighbor's kitchen, while a part of an old +apron sufficed for the former. + +The Doctor then proceeded to bathe the face, neck, and arms of the +child. Afterwards he administered a cooling draught, which the poor, +parched mouth eagerly swallowed. He forbade Mrs. Jones to give her any +spirit, and left, promising to bring powders for the night. + +As we rode home, my heart was full of admiration of my husband, while +shame, that disgust had rendered me useless, and pity for the suffering +family, alternately occupied my mind. At length, sympathy prevailed, and +I said, "Frank, I shall watch with that sick child to night." + +"Not for the world!" he replied, quickly; and then continued, more +calmly, "The child will do well enough; or rather, she will not be the +one to require most attention. I wish she were away from there; but I +hardly think," he added, after a pause, "it will do to remove her." + +"What do you mean?" I asked. + +"Did you not see the man lying in the corner? He is a poor drunken +fellow; and, if I'm not mistaken, will require more care than the child. +I shall engage Mr. Ferris, a kind neighbor, to watch with them." + +Perceiving my interest, my husband gave me a short account of the +family, which he had known from childhood. "When Esther Holmes was +married, her father furnished everything necessary for comfortable +housekeeping. She had received a good common education, had been a few +terms to an academy, and every one thought her well and happily settled +in life. + +"Her husband, Thomas Jones, is the son of pious parents; a capable man +at his trade, and fully equal to supporting his family in comfort. He +earns, at times, a good deal of money; but it is all spent for rum. +Never was slave more under the influence of a tyrannical master, than he +is under the power of his incessant appetite for intoxicating drink. + +"In his Bacchanalian revels and fits of fury, he has broken and +destroyed the furniture until now scarcely a piece remains. Sometimes, +after an attack of delirium tremens, he endeavors to reform, and works +steadily for two or three months. But then he is again overcome, and +drinks worse than ever. His wife has gradually lost all hope, and seems +to give up and let everything go. I fear she does not try to make home +comfortable and pleasant to him, when he is himself. Everything is +filthy in the extreme. It is only as a matter of stern duty that I can +sit down in the house. + +"For a day or two Jones has been sick, but he drinks all the time, he is +awake; and I fear he will be wild to-night. It makes me sick at heart to +think of him. He has some noble traits; but rum, _rum_, has changed him +from a kind husband and a tender father into a creature worse than a +brute." + + +_Tuesday, July 7th._ + +About midnight a messenger came for the Doctor to hasten to Jones. The +watchers could do nothing with him. He raved and swore that devils were +at the foot of the bed, waiting to catch his soul, and carry it to hell. +Frank went at once and did not return until near daylight. At breakfast, +he relieved my anxiety for the sick child, by saying, she had been +removed to a room in the other part of the house, and was now much +better. But Thomas, he said, had passed a dreadful night. He had seemed +to suffer the torments of the lost. He enumerated his sins from his +childhood, disobedience to his parents, Sabbath breaking, profanity, +intemperance, and almost every form of iniquity. These came up to his +remembrance with the distinctness of the judgment. Then he told how he +had turned from the Saviour, refused His offers of mercy, quenched the +Spirit's influence, ruined his own soul, and the souls of his wife and +children, _all_, ALL _for_ RUM!! + +This he screamed out; and when those around tried to soothe him, he said +that he would scream so loud that every drunkard in town could hear. "If +ten thousand devils pursue me," shrieked the insane man, "I will warn +all to beware of RUM!!" + +His attendants listened in wonder, and even Frank was astonished, as he +had never heard him talk in this way before. Nor could he understand it +until this morning, when Mrs. Jones told him that they had been to hear +the new minister preach; and it appears their consciences had been +aroused by his faithful presentation of truth. + + +_Afternoon._ + +As Frank would not consent to my visiting little Susan, I contented +myself with making her some nice porridge which Ann carried to her. My +husband came in soon after, and told me two men could not hold Thomas in +bed; and they had been obliged to confine his arms. He knows no one but +his physician; and this afternoon appealed to him in a hoarse whisper, +"take them off," pointing to the men who stood at the side of the bed. +"Oh, hide me! _Hide me!_ they tear my soul!" + +The Doctor motioned them out of sight, and tried to soothe him. +"Thomas," said he in a calm voice, "do you remember when you and I went +to the Sabbath school?" + +"Yes, oh _yes_!" gasped the poor fellow. + +"Where did Mr. Goodrich tell us to flee for safety?" Thomas looked up +eagerly, but made no reply. + +"He told us to go to Christ. He would save us from all our enemies." + +"If he would but take me; but oh, he wont; _he wont_! I've been too +wicked ever to expect that," and hiding his head under the clothes, he +cried aloud. Frank succeeded in persuading him to take some medicine, +which the attendants could not do, because he thought they meant to +poison him. He was calmer before Frank left. + + +_Thursday, July 9th._ + +Last evening, my dear husband hurried through his calls, and took Mr. +Munroe with him to see poor Thomas. He found him so exhausted by the +violence of his fits, that, unless soon relieved, he cannot live long. +The agony of his mind makes him much worse than ever before. When they +went in, he had fallen asleep, and they sat down quietly to wait until +he awoke. Frank says, as he sat by the bed and looked at the miserable +man, so haggard and ghastly, he prayed that God would have mercy upon +his soul, even at the eleventh hour. + +When Jones awoke, he stared around him a moment, as if trying to +remember where he was, while the Doctor quietly liberated his right +hand, with which he immediately covered his face. After he had taken +some gruel, he sighed, but would not speak. + +Frank told him Mr. Munroe had come in as a friend to see him. He +suddenly pulled away the clothes, and said, "No, he'll mock me! He knows +how wicked I am! The last time I went to meeting he told over all my +sins. He knows I can't be saved, and he'll only mock me." Here the poor +creature burst into loud crying. + +Mr. Munroe moved nearer, and took Thomas's hand in his; "My poor +friend," said he, in a very gentle voice, "It would ill become me, a +sinful creature as well as yourself, to make a mock at one for whom +Christ died. I have come to remind you of his love, of his desire for +your salvation. He has knocked at the door of your heart again, and +again, and you have turned away from his pleading voice. Will you?--dare +you turn from him now? When the Holy Spirit is striving with you, will +you resist his gracious influence?" + +He was interrupted by loud sobs, and Mrs. Jones, whom they had not +perceived, hastened from the room, holding her apron to her face. Thomas +had not noticed the interruption, but was looking so intently at Mr. +Munroe that the Doctor almost feared the excitement, and placed his +fingers on the brawny wrist. + +But our good pastor perceived the workings of the spirit, and hoped and +prayed that peace and joy might take the place of the dark despair which +was killing body and soul. + +No one spoke, but still Thomas gazed. His whole mind was filled with +wonder. At length, he gasped, rather than spoke, "I will, _I will_ +receive Him as my Saviour, but oh, it is too late!" + +The last words were spoken in such a tone of utter wretchedness and +despair, that his hearers could not refrain from tears. + +"Thomas," asked Mr. Munroe, "Do you remember the thief on the cross? Up +to the moment of his conversion he had probably reviled his Lord. Take +care then that you do not limit the power of the Almighty, whose voice +of mercy saith 'He will save to the uttermost all that come unto Him.' +He also adds for your encouragement, 'though your sins be as scarlet, +they shall be white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall +be as wool.'" + +The poor man looked from one to the other, as if exhausted by the +dreadful conflict within him, and said in a broken voice, "you will not +deceive me with hope, when God has left me to despair." + +Frank said, "While there is life, there is mercy if you will believe;" +and not wishing to prolong the interview, they knelt in prayer. The poor +wife came in and threw herself down at the foot of the bed. Mr. Munroe +in a fervent manner commended them to God. + +He prayed that from eternity they might look back upon this hour as the +most blessed of their lives, as the hour when they had chosen Jesus for +their Saviour, and heaven for their everlasting home. Before he arose +from his knees, the poor humble penitent said, in a voice choking with +tears, "Lord, I believe. Have mercy upon my guilty soul!" Mrs. Jones +sobbed aloud. + + + From earth to heaven the tidings flew, + Two guilty souls are born anew. + + +_Friday, July 10th._ + +This morning Doctor Frank has been to see Thomas. I waited with no +little impatience for his return. He found his patient decidedly better, +though very weak. He had but one fit during the night, and that much +less severe in its character. He had a touching expression of humility +which made him look like a different man. He has most clear views of the +sinfulness of his own heart; and of the abounding grace of God in +providing a Redeemer for one so vile. + +Frank was much pleased with one expression he used; "I dare not hope +that God has accepted me; but I feel willing to be in his hands. He +knows what is best for me. I feel safe to trust him, and think when he +sees how strong my desire is to do right, he will help me." + +Oh, that Thomas may be able to withstand temptation, and to bring forth +fruits meet for repentance. I hope Christians will encourage him and +pray for him. I was grieved this morning to hear a professing Christian +speak distrustfully of the change in poor Thomas, and say, "persons in +delirium tremens, are often very pious, but when they recover, their +goodness vanishes like the morning cloud, and early dew." + +Surely it is infinite condescension in God to visit the abode of +drunkenness and filth with the rich blessings of salvation; but who can +doubt his ability, and willingness to do it? + + +_Monday, July 13th._ + +I have not been quite well for a day or two, and have only received +permission to write a few lines. Frank blames himself for allowing me to +do so much; but I have really done nothing which could injure my health. +The weather was very warm yesterday. I lay upon the bed the greater part +of the day. Frank insisted upon staying from church to nurse me in the +afternoon. He was obliged to visit his patients in the morning. It is +quite sickly now in the town, especially among children. May God +preserve our dear little Pauline! + +After her return from church in the afternoon, madam Phebe came to my +room to make inquiries about my health. + +"Well, Phebe," I asked, "Did you enjoy the sermon?" + +"Oh, yes, missus, ole Phebe hab blessed time. Mass'r Munroe quite undo +hisself dis yer day." + +"_Out do_ you mean," said I laughingly. + +"Laws missus! dere aint no kinder difference. He go long farder in the +broad road dan I eber heard him afore. I 'spects, I'se can stand de +meanin if I'se don't use de right words." + +"What was the text?" + +"Dere now, I'se can't jist tink ob de text all in a minit. It has popped +right off all in a suddent, but 'twas a blessed un, all bout God." + +"Well, Phebe, if you can't remember the text, you can tell me about the +sermon,--it pleased you so much." + +"Oh, yes, missus, pleased me berry much, powerful good discoors dat ar. +Wall now, how kinder curis dis yer chile, can't jist tink ob nothing, +only jist when don't want ter. Now I declar," said the perplexed woman, +putting her hand to her head, "when I'se getting de supper de hull +discoors 'ull come pouring into my ole brain, when I can't no way stop +to 'tend to it." + +"Can't you tell me the subject?" I asked, trying to repress my mirth. + +"Oh, laws, yes, missus, 'twas all bout piousness, and serousness, dat's +de idee. I'se glad," she added complacently, "I'se got some o' my senses +left, 'twas a blessed discoors dat ar." + + +_Tuesday, July 16th._ + +Dear Mother, I am up and dressed for the first time since Monday. I feel +a general prostration of the system. My husband ascribes it to over +excitement. Nothing could surpass the kindness of every one in the +house. I fear Frank will make himself sick from anxiety. He returns home +once or twice in the forenoon, runs to my chamber for a few minutes, and +then off again to another part of the town. Phebe does wonders in her +line, trying to make something "Missus will relish a bit." She complains +that I do not eat enough to keep a canary bird alive, and indeed I have +not much appetite. Frank would not allow me to arise until after dinner, +when Ann came in with a dish which would be very tempting to a person in +health. I readily recognized the kind hand which selected it for me. +The breast of a fat pigeon, with a nice slice of crisp toast, and an +excellent cup of tea. I almost relished it. + +While I sat in bed bolstered by pillows with the waiter before me, madam +Phebe came from the kitchen to pay me a visit. She wished to see with +her own eyes why I did not eat. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + Low at his feet his daughter lies; + Dear father, let me stay! + But no, the cruel wretch replies, + Away, begone, away! + + His heart was crusted o'er with years + Of guilt, and shame, and sin; + But still his wretched daughter cries + Oh! father, turn again! + + I'll give up all I've dearly loved, + On thee my cares bestow; + With scorn the gray-haired sire thus proved + His hate. Go, daughter, _go_! + + +_Friday, July 17th._ + +I feel a little stronger to-day. My husband came in yesterday while I +was writing, and put his lordly veto upon my penning another word. I +asked him if he had heard anything more from Lucy, or had received an +answer from Mr. Benson. + +He shook his head and said, "your first business is to get well." I +think Emily is disappointed in not hearing from him; and she must be +surprised that he does not write, as she supposes him to be only three +miles distant. She asked me in a whisper yesterday if I had sent her +letter. I told her, I sent it at once, and asked, "Has he replied?" + +She shook her head. + +"He may be away, and not have received it," I suggested. "I think," I +added with hesitation, "I remember to have heard he was going on a +journey." She brightened at once, and I turned away from fear lest she +should ask more. I am glad to have escaped her scrutiny. + + +_Friday, July 24th._ + +It is a week since I wrote you, dear mother. How I have longed to have +you with me! I shall soon begin to expect another packet of letters. I +desire to tell you about poor Emily; but my hand trembles so much, I +don't know that I ought to enter upon it. + +On Monday last I felt stronger than I had done for a week or two. Frank +lifted me in his arms, and carried me down stairs for a short drive. The +air was delightful, and I returned much refreshed, and invigorated. I +wanted to walk up stairs, for fear Frank would injure himself carrying +me. Cæsar stepped eagerly forward; but the Doctor only laughed, and +said, "No, Cæsar, I claim this privilege, I can carry her as easily as I +could carry a child." + +I felt quite an appetite for my dinner, and was resting in my easy chair +after it, when Emily came up to my room and walked toward me in such a +calm, unnatural manner, I looked at her in alarm. + +She seemed to be changed into marble, so colorless and rigid were her +features. She silently put an envelop in my hand. I did not recognize +the writing, but opened it, and took out a note, which, though written +almost illegibly, either from emotion or haste, I saw was from Mr. +Benson. It contained but few words, which were exactly these:-- + + + "Miss Lenox,[crossed through.--Transcriber.] + + "Beloved Emily,-- + + "I have this minute received your note, which has completely + unmanned me. + + "I am already on my way to Europe, where I shall probably stay + several years; and where, until the last few minutes, I had hoped + to spend the remainder of my life. It is only by the kindness of + Captain B---- I am permitted to detain the pilot, while I write + these few words. + + "We are already out of the channel. May God bless and forgive us + both! Dearest, _farewell_! + + "FREDERIC BENSON." + + +_Saturday, July 25th._ + +I must finish telling you about my dear sister. Frank told mother as he +came into my room, he should have thought that I was the one who had +received sad tidings; for I sat holding Emily's hand tightly in mine, +while the tears were streaming down my cheeks. Emily was calm and +unmoved. I don't know how she feels; but she appears to be petrified. +This appearance made such an impression upon me, that I had a dreadful +dream after it. I sprang out of bed with a horrible shriek, thinking my +distressed sister was insane, and I was trying to save her from some +impending danger. + +The next morning Frank looked very grave, and I heard his voice in the +next room conversing with mother. The result of which conversation is, +that she and Emily have gone for a few weeks to a town about a hundred +miles distant, to visit some relatives. + +In all the arrangements, sister was entirely passive, exhibiting neither +unwillingness, nor interest. I hardly thought she could have left me so +coldly. Not a muscle in her face moved as she kissed her farewell. Her +hand remained passive in mine, and was cold and clammy. I know her +brother is very anxious about her; and I expressed my fear that he had +sent her away on my account. + +"The journey will do her good," he replied. + + +_Monday, July 27th._ + +Pauline is taking nice care of me, while Ann is busy about her morning +work. The dear little thing is so proud to do anything for mamma. +Sometimes she tries to help too much. After Ann curled her hair this +morning, she accidentally left the brush on the dressing table. Pauline +soon espied it, and stepping softly across the room made herself look +like a fright. Her hair needs to be wet before it can be combed, and now +being brushed when dry, it stood out like a broom all over her head. I +told Ann not to laugh so much, lest the child should be encouraged to do +it again, and should give us great trouble. + +I asked Frank this morning, if he thought Lucy would come and sit with +me. I feel rather lonely without mother or Emily, as I can neither read +nor write but a few minutes at a time. He answered, "No!" decidedly. + +"I want to see somebody," I said. + +"How should you enjoy a visit from Aunt Susy?" + +I almost jumped from my chair. This made him decide at once that she +would not do. He said "You must rest, mind and body, in order to get +well." + + +_Tuesday, July 28th._ + +Yesterday afternoon I had arisen from my bed after a refreshing nap, and +was seated in my easy chair by the window, when Frank came up stairs +talking with some one whose voice I did not recognize, until she said, +"I had hoped ere this to see thee at our house. Thee must come before +Elizabeth goes;" and Friend Estes kindly advanced toward me, "I am truly +sorry to see thee ill, my dear." + +I tried to rise, and take her bonnet; but Frank said, she was his +company, and he would do the honors. He took the friendly "poke," and +carried it to the bed, where he spread a napkin carefully over it. + +I looked in surprise; but the good lady smiled as she said, "Thy husband +is well acquainted with friendly ways." + +"I am sorry to leave such good company," he said, "but I have work +enough for the afternoon." He was just leaving the room, when she +detained him a moment, to ask whether Thomas Jones had recovered, and +whether his family were in need of assistance. Frank replied that Thomas +would soon be able to go to his work; until then, they were supported by +charity. + +There is something composing and soothing in the very voice and manner +of the Friends. Certainly this is true with regard to my dear Friend +Estes. + +"Does thee like to have thy hair smoothed, my daughter? because I should +love to do it for thee." + +I said, I should like it very much, if she would let me sit before her, +as I used to sit before my dear mother. She brought me a cricket, and I +sat down and laid my head in her lap, where, for nearly an hour she +passed her smooth hand lovingly across my forehead and hair. At the same +time she discoursed so sweetly, that the afternoon passed too quickly +away. If her conversation had not been so interesting, I should +certainly have been lulled to sleep. + +She told me of her daughter Elizabeth, who is soon to be married to a +worthy young man every way approved by her parents, and the meeting. + +"Is she to marry a Quaker?" I asked. + +"Yes. He is now of our persuasion; but he was not educated so. He became +a Friend by 'convincement.' The wedding is to take place in P----." And +she invited us to be present, kindly offering me a seat in her carriage, +if Frank could not spare the time to accompany me. + +Before she went, she said something which sent the blood to my cheeks, +but which makes me so happy I must tell you about it. I was sitting with +my head in her lap, looking up into her kind face, when she remarked, +"Thee has a kind, loving husband." + +"O yes! I cannot think of one thing in which I should wish him to be +different." She smiled a moment, and then said, "I am pleased thou art +so well suited. Would thee like to hear what he said of thee?" + +"O, please tell me!" I said, before I thought, and then my cheeks +burned. I hid my face and added, "If you think it would be proper, and +he would like it." + +She laughed merrily at my embarrassment, as she said: "I presume, dear, +he has told thee the same, many times. He said, 'If I had searched the +world through, I couldn't have found one so exactly suited to my idea of +a true wife.' He concluded, being quite warmed with his subject, 'She is +a perfect little darling, and I thank God for her every day of my +life.'" + +O, mother, you can't tell how happy she made me. I couldn't lift up my +head for a long time, for fear she would see the blissful tears. She +kissed me tenderly, and when she left, my mind was fully determined on +one point,--if I ever am sick and need a nurse, I shall desire of all +others a Friend, if I can get one anything like her. + +I know, dear mother, you will be glad that your Cora has not so far, +disappointed the expectations of her husband. + + +_Friday, July 31st._ + +Miss Proctor is here, spending a few days with me. I enjoy her society +exceedingly. As we sat together in my room, I did not like to spend the +time in writing. This afternoon Cæsar has driven her in the carriage to +Lee Hall, and Pauline accompanied them. + +I sent Lucy a magnificent bouquet, which Cæsar made me for the occasion, +with a little note expressing my affection and sympathy. + +I had a call from Mrs. Jones this morning. Frank sent her here to see +Miss Proctor, who is making some clothes for the children. + +She appears truly humble and devout. Thomas has not tasted a drop of +spirit since he recovered, and is now beginning to work. She took Miss +Proctor's advice very kindly with regard to neatness and economy; that +her husband might feel that he had a respectable and decent home. She +said, "I have now more heart about him than I have had for many years, +because he distrusts himself and looks above for help and strength." + + +_Monday, August 3d._ + +Lucy Lee sent by Miss Proctor a note requesting me, if able, to call +upon her in the course of a few days; and if unable, begging me to ask +the Doctor to call. He went early this afternoon, when she showed him a +letter, she had received from Allen, and asked him what she should do. + +The letter stated that Allen, feeling a strong desire to know the +character of the man, rumor had affianced to his Lucy, had placed +himself in the way of one of Joseph's associates, an old schoolmate, who +had told him some astonishing facts. These, Frank only related to me in +brief, and, indeed, would have wholly kept from me if possible. + +When Mr. Arnold was first introduced to Lucy, it had not occurred to her +brother to force him upon her acquaintance. But when that gentleman told +him of his love for his beautiful sister, and solicited his cooperation +and influence in winning her hand, he had willingly consented, out of +hatred to Allen. While, however, Arnold's passion increased, her +aversion became every day more evident, until, in a fit of exasperation, +he had made a contract with her brother, that on the day she became his +wife, he, as her husband, would make over to him one half of his +property. This contract Allen's informant was called upon to witness. + +The reason of Joseph's cruel determination to force Lucy to a marriage +with his friend was now evident. Allen begged her to be firm in refusing +to be sold in so vile a manner. + +The Doctor requested to see Joseph, being determined to appeal to his +affection as a brother, and his honor as a gentleman, if, indeed, he had +any such feelings. But he was informed that he had gone with Mr. Arnold +to the city. Frank then advised her to embrace this favorable +opportunity to impart to her father her decided refusal to marry Mr. +Arnold. With this advice poor Lucy, with a shudder, promised to comply. +She is too fearful. + + +_Tuesday, August 4th._ + +I long to hear from Lee Hall. If I do not in a day or two, I will try to +persuade Frank to allow me to call there. + +To-day we received wedding cards from Dr. and Mrs. Clapp. I shall take +an early opportunity to visit them. We also received a letter from +mother, and can you believe it? Frank almost refused to let me read it. +I felt so hurt, I could only say, "Dear husband, would you like me to +conceal anything from you?" + +Without another word, he read it aloud. Emily remains exactly as she was +when they left; neither better nor worse; she talks, walks, and acts +like an automaton. + +Mother fears insanity. She says this state cannot last much longer,--a +reaction must take place. She closed with the kindest messages to me, +and particular inquiries about my health. + +"Frank," I said, when he had finished, "will you please to do me a great +favor?" + +"Certainly, my love, I shall be most happy to do so." + +"Well then, please write to mother at once, and ask her to bring Emily +home. I know she longs to do so; and I am almost well now." He hesitated +what to reply. "You have promised," I said. + +"Well, be it so," he answered, "but I am convinced that it is not safe +for a man to promise so blindly." + +"_Blindly!--a wife!_ oh, Frank! I would promise to do any thing in the +world, you might ask. I have such entire confidence in you, I _know_ you +would not ask me to do wrong." + +He looked very, _very_ much pleased and drew me to his side. "Dear Cora, +you have unconsciously given me the strongest proof of entire love; but +I do not deserve it, though I shall endeavor not to forfeit so precious +a token of your affection. This is the feeling, sweet wife, we should +cultivate toward our heavenly Father. He knows what is best for us; and +it is safe for us to confide in him. He sometimes leads us through +dangerous paths. Let us trust Him, though clouds gather and break over +our heads." + + +_Thursday, August 6th._ + +We were aroused from sleep last night by a thundering knock at the door. +Frank threw up the window, when a man called out, "Doctor, won't you +come as quick as you can to Squire Lee's. He's had a fit, and they think +he is dying." Frank dressed and was gone in a moment. I could not sleep, +but lay revolving in my mind Lucy's situation. I thought how I should +love to offer her a home, where Allen Mansfield could come to see her. I +went through all the marriage ceremony, thinking what a lovely bride +Lucy would make when the heavy cloud had passed away, and her heart was +free from sorrow or care. + +Frank did not return until after I was seated at the breakfast-table. He +looked very serious and only shook his head in answer to the question, +whether the old gentleman was better. "He will probably never be +better." I was shocked. "And Lucy?" I inquired. + +"She has passed from one fainting to another." + +"Horrible! But how is she now?" I really shuddered at the thought that +she might not be living. + +"She is conscious, but very much exhausted." After prayers he took my +hand as he sat by me on the sofa. "Cora," he asked, "can you control +your feelings?" + +I quickly answered that I could, and would. + +"Squire Lee received a letter from his son which so enraged him against +his poor innocent daughter, that he sent for a lawyer to his office and +disinherited her unless she would consent to marry Arnold, and that too +without delay. With this legal document in his hand he summoned her +into his presence, where with horrible oaths, he told her what he had +done. + +"She begged him to allow her to take care of him in his old age. She +would promise never to see her dear Allen; but she could not consent to +marry Arnold. She had rather die. She threw herself at his feet, when he +cursed her and spurned her from him with scorn. A heavy fall caused Mrs. +Burns to rush into the room. She had followed her dear young mistress to +the door and had heard all that passed. + +"The sweet girl was insensible. The kind woman rang for Jacob the +porter; and they lifted her gently, and carried her to her bed. Her +father soon after was seen going to his room. + +"About eleven o'clock, one of the servants was passing through the +apartment next that which he occupied, when she was startled by loud +snoring. She stopped to listen, when finding it continue, she hastily +called the housekeeper, and together they entered the room. The Squire +lay in what seemed to them a heavy slumber; but they could not arouse +him. The sound was like the snorting of a brute, more than like the +breathing of a human being. + +"By this time they were thoroughly frightened, and sent in haste for the +Doctor." + +Immediately after he had told me this, he returned to the wretched +house, _wretched_ in the midst of luxury and splendor! I waited in vain +for him to return to dinner, but received a note toward night, telling +me not to be alarmed, if he did not return until morning. Lucy was +rather better, but would not consent to his leaving the house, while her +father lived. He would probably not survive many hours. + +Dr. Clapp called in the evening, and told me he had received a hasty +note from the Doctor, requesting him to take the care of his other +patients, with a list of those upon whom it would be necessary to call. + + +_Friday, August 7th._ + +Contrary to the Doctor's expectations, Squire Lee is still living; and +there is slight hope that he may be better. Frank pursued the most +vigorous course of treatment; applying cups to the temples, and blisters +to the back of the neck. He left him in a natural sleep. + +Lucy has been carried to the room where she sits near the bed. She +wishes to be near him when he recovers his consciousness, hoping before +his death that he may revoke his dreadful curse. + + +_Tuesday, August 11th._ + +Mother and Emily returned last Saturday, and as mother feared, a +terrible reaction has taken place. Sister is now as excitable as she was +impassive. She laughs so merrily that the sound rings through the house. +Then with as little reason, she weeps violently. I led Pauline to the +cottage to try and amuse the poor girl; but the little creature was +afraid of her aunt, and clung convulsively to me, if Emily tried to +force her from my arms. There is a dreadful wildness in her eye, which +alarms me. + +Squire Lee is so much better, Frank is of opinion that, if he has no +relapse, he will soon be able to leave his bed. Lucy is with him +constantly; indeed he cannot bear her out of his sight a moment. +Sometimes he mistakes her for her mother, and calls her "_wife_," and +"_Mary_!" + +The Doctor has insisted that he shall have watchers, so that she may +have regular sleep; and that she shall take exercise in the open air, at +least an hour every day. Joseph returned Saturday, but as the Doctor +would not allow him to go into the sickroom, telling him he would not be +responsible for the consequences, the young man left again for the city +early Monday morning. + +Frank also told him, Lucy had informed her father of her determination +not to marry Arnold. Joseph swore dreadfully, that she would be the +death of her father yet. All his object now was to see if "the old +fellow," as he called him, had acted upon his suggestion. + +Mrs. Burns had picked up the paper which lay upon the floor, after the +dreadful interview between father and daughter, and having glanced at +its contents, and seen that he had indeed left every cent of his +property to Joseph, was strongly tempted to destroy it; but knowing she +had no right to do this, she carefully locked it in a private desk where +she had sometimes seen her master put his papers, and kept the key. She +told Frank of the fact, who strengthened her in the resolution to +restore it to no one but her master. + +After Joseph's departure on Monday, however, it was ascertained beyond a +doubt, that he had taken the desk with him. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + + . . . . "No, I'll not weep; + I have full cause for weeping; but this heart + Shall break into a hundred thousand flaws, + Or ere I'll weep;--O fool, I shall go mad!" SHAKSPEARE. + + +_Thursday, August 13th._ + +DEAR MOTHER,--Yesterday was a fearfully exciting day. About noon mother +Lenox came over from the cottage to go back with Emily. + +I asked where sister had gone. She looked at me with fright and wonder. +"Emily," she exclaimed, "started for the house early this morning, +purposely, as she said, to see her brother before he went out upon his +calls." + +"She has not been here to my knowledge," I replied. We instantly went to +the kitchen to ascertain whether Phebe or Cæsar had seen her. Cæsar was +absent; but neither Ann nor Phebe had seen anything of their young +mistress. We were now really alarmed, and waited with impatience for +Frank's return, while the women searched the house and grounds. + +Cæsar was soon heard coming up the hill with the wagon, when his wife +ran to meet him. He stopped the horse to hear what she was in such a +hurry to say, but mother beckoned for him to come to the door. He said +"I'se heb seen missus 'bout seven or it might be nigh upon eight. She be +all dressed out for de walk, and was g'wine down de hill. I'se stopped +de wagon, and axed missus if I'se go back and take de carriage and carry +her where she was g'wine. But missus say no, she only g'wine on a piece +for ole missus. She 'peared in mighty hurry," ended the old man. + +Mother went back to the library, sat down in a chair, and covered her +face with her hands. "I will send Cæsar to find his master," said I, +earnestly. + +Phebe, however, had anticipated me, for when I heard Cæsar, as I +thought, drive to the barn, he had only turned back and gone to the +office in the village. In a very few moments, we heard Frank's welcome +voice. I sprang to meet him and led him to our distressed mother. + +"Emily is gone!" she repeated after me; but oh! I cannot describe the +mournfulness of the tone. + +"Dear mother, don't be alarmed," he said, in a cheerful voice, "I will +soon find the runaway and bring her back." I looked earnestly at him to +see if he really were so hopeful, but could detect nothing to make me +think otherwise, except that he was very pale about the mouth. He then +ascertained from Cæsar the direction she had taken, and rode hastily +away. + +In about two hours, which had seemed equal to a whole day, I received +the following hasty note by a messenger:-- + + + "DEAR CORA, + + "I regret to say that I have so far been unsuccessful in my search. + Let Cæsar procure men and horses from the village, and start off in + every direction. I am on my way to Waverley, where I have slight + encouragement to hope I may find her. A young woman was seen + hastily running in that direction, and was observed to look + frequently behind her, as if apprehending pursuit. + + "May God in mercy grant this to be our dear distracted sister. Pray + for us; but this I know you will do. I am stopping for ten minutes + to rest and water my horse. Sweet wife, take care of yourself and + our dear mother. + + "YOUR FRANK." + + +I instantly rang for Cæsar, and gave him his master's orders, directing +him to send in every other direction except that taken by the Doctor, +and make inquiries at every house. Mother was so distressed, I felt that +I must not give way to my feelings. So I walked the room holding Pauline +tightly in my arms, or leading her by my side. + +Not a tear did mother shed. She knelt by the sofa, with her face buried +in her hands, for half an hour at a time. At the least noise, she would +start up and look eagerly for a moment, and then relapse into her former +state. + +I tried to pray, but could not command my thoughts; I could only lift up +my heart, as I walked the room. "O God! restore unto us our dear, lost +one!" + +I cannot describe to you the intense grief of mother, as hour after hour +passed away, and we still heard nothing from the fugitive. By this time, +the whole village was aroused, and messengers were continually coming to +the house to report their want of success, or to make inquiries whether +the poor girl had been found. + +From the remark of one of them that they had been "_dragging the pond_," +I for the first time realized what must be the agony felt by my dear, +distracted mother, who with a low wail put her hand suddenly to her +heart. I sprang to her side, and clasping my arms around her neck, wept +bitterly. That dreadful thought had never before entered my mind. But it +was what had distracted her. + +Alas! what torment in that fear! I trembled at every sound. Dear, kind +Miss Proctor, who instantly came to us in our sorrow, begged us to go up +stairs, where we could be more retired. She promised to come to us with +the first intelligence. + +Ann came to put Pauline to bed, and brought tea on a waiter; but I +shook my head, I could not swallow. Mother seemed not to see or hear +her. + +It must have been nearly nine in the evening, when I heard a faint sound +in the distance. I listened eagerly, and then again I heard a shout. +This time it aroused mother, who looked at me with dreadful apprehension +and horror of the cause. + +"Hark!" said I, as the sound was again borne on the breeze, "what do +they say?" and now, as they approached nearer and nearer, we distinctly +heard the words, "_She's found!_ SHE'S FOUND!!" + +We stopped but for one convulsive embrace, and then started quickly to +go below; but the sudden relief was too great for mother's overborne +heart; and she fell prostrate upon the floor. Miss Proctor, with Ann's +assistance, raised her, and soon restored her to consciousness, having +motioned me to go below. + +The carriage stopped at the door. A boy was sitting on a cricket +driving, while Frank held his unconscious sister in his arms. With +Cæsar's assistance he carried her to her bed, from which I fear the poor +girl will not soon rise. She was very wild all night, during which her +devoted brother never left her. This morning he pronounces her suffering +from the worst form of brain fever. God only knows the result. + +Dear mother shared my room with me, and in compliance with Frank's +earnestly expressed wishes, forced herself to remain in bed. But I +hardly think she closed her eyes. This morning he has procured an +excellent nurse, and will himself remain most of the time with her. + +He will not allow me to be in the room, and says he has no desire to +multiply such patients. He confessed to me this morning that for many +hours yesterday he feared a more dreadful result; and added, "God only +knows what I suffered in the thought that she had rushed into eternity +unprepared." + +I will go now and see if I can prevail upon mother to eat something and +lie down. "For Emily's sake," is the only successful plea. + + +_Wednesday, August 19th._ + +This is truly a sad house. Scarcely a sound is to be heard in it from +morning to night. The door bells are muffled, and the outer gates are +barred; no carriage enters the enclosure, and even neighbors and +friends, who come to inquire, tread lightly as they pass round to the +back door. We meet and pass each other in the halls, or sit at table one +at a time, often in the vain attempt to eat; but we dare not trust +ourselves to speak, our hearts are too full. Each of us pour out in +secret the overflowings of a burdened heart. We cannot even meet around +the family altar. God, who reads our thoughts, knows our only hope is in +his rich mercy, and that, from morning till night, our desires go forth +to Him in whose hand life and death are. + +For several days our darling, precious sister has lain at the point of +death; and we have no well-grounded hope of her preparation to meet her +God. Oh, dreadful thought! It is this which makes our hearts sink within +us. Surely, "the sting of death is sin." If we could feel that Emily, +_dear Emily_, was prepared to die, I think I could say, "it is well;" +but my heart cries out with Esther, "How can I endure to see the +destruction of my kindred!" O, may God, in infinite compassion, restore +our darling to reason, ere she goes hence to be here no more! She has +lain for two days unconscious of all around her. I dare not ask Frank +whether there is hope. There is none in his pale, mournful face. + + +_Friday, August 21st._ + +Dearest mother, rejoice with us! We are permitted to hope. My own dear +Frank, who had not left the sick room for many weary hours, came +noiselessly out of it this morning; advanced toward mother and myself +who sat silently hand in hand, awaiting the long feared, and long +expected summons. + +"Can you command your feelings?" he asked in a hoarse whisper. We bowed +our assent. He led us to the bed-side of the pale sufferer, where, with +emotions of joy and gratitude which I cannot describe, we saw her, +ghastly and pale indeed, but in a calm and natural slumber. + +With a finger on his lip, Frank pointed to the sweet expression of the +mouth, and the calm serenity of the brow, which had taken the place of +the previous signs of intense suffering. Leaving the sympathizing nurse +with her, we stole softly from the room. I wanted to get into the air. +My heart was swelling within me, and the tears, which I had forced back, +were choking me. Frank accompanied us to the library, where we knelt +together to express our gratitude and praise. + +How easy now to feel submissive to the will of God! When we arose, +mother clasped her son's hands in hers, and burst into a flood of tears; +the first she has shed. I know they will relieve her poor bursting +heart. I feel that if Emily is restored to health and reason, I can +never again be unhappy. I love every body. I want to sing--I want to +scream for joy! I must have my sweet Pauline home, and relieve myself by +embracing her. She has been with Miss Proctor every day for a week, only +returning at night. + + +_Saturday, August 22d._ + +Emily recognizes us. We have been in one at a time. She looked at us +sweetly, and smiled. "O, Emily!" I even carried Pauline to her room, who +just pointed her little finger at aunty, but did not speak. + +The Doctor allows not a word of conversation. Now mother has been in, +she will not leave, though Frank tells her the nurse can do much better. +Her pale, anxious countenance will do his patient no good. + + +_Monday, August 24th._ + +Still encouraging prospects! For the first time since Emily's sickness, +Frank passed an undisturbed and quiet night. Strange as it may appear, +my mind has been so occupied with sister's immediate danger, I have +never thought to inquire of her brother where he found her. It now +appears that the young woman, he mentioned in his hurried note to me, +was in reality the insane wanderer. But he lost all trace of her after +dark, and was about to return home in despair of success in that +quarter, when he overheard two women talking earnestly at the door of a +house. His attention was arrested by hearing one of them say, "She is +every inch a lady." The reply was in a lower tone. + +"Well, I can't tell as to that," added the first speaker; "Here she is, +away from all her folks, and what is to be done with her?" + +Frank says, his heart sprang into his mouth as he rode up to them, and +asked if they had seen or heard anything of a lady who had escaped from +her friends in a sudden fit of insanity. + +"She is here! she is here!!" they both exclaimed. + +Frank speedily made arrangements for a driver, and for shawls to wrap +around the poor girl, who was alternately shivering with cold or +consumed with heat. + + +_Tuesday Morning, September 1st._ + +The nurse left us this morning. She was summoned to a family where she +had been previously engaged, and we could not detain her. Mother, Miss +Proctor, and I take her place. We succeed admirably. Each of us take our +turn in sleeping on a couch beside the bed. Frank wished to take my +place, but I decidedly refused. He is often called out during the night; +and though he says he is used to it, yet I know he needs sleep when he +can get it. + +Emily requires but little attention. Only toast-water or arrowroot once +in a while. She sleeps most of the time. + +I rode to-day with Frank to see Caroline, who fails very fast. I was +shocked to observe the alteration. She longs to depart, and wished the +Doctor, when he was about to pray, to ask God to give her patience to +wait her appointed time. Her mother appears deeply affected, and when +Frank addressed a few words of consolation to her, she wept aloud. Then, +after a short pause, "I am willing to give up my beloved daughter, if it +is God's will; but it comes so suddenly upon me, I am not prepared for +it." + +As we passed Squire Lee's, I begged my husband to stop and let me speak +to Lucy. Mrs. Burns came to the carriage and said if I would alight and +go into the parlor, she would take Lucy's place with her father, and +request her to come down. I imagined the dear girl looked happier than +she did when I saw her last. She said "Though my sad duty at home has +prevented my going to you in your trouble, yet I have constantly thought +of you." + +Joseph is still away, and the Squire continues about the same; but Lucy +hopes he will soon be better, as he takes neither wine, nor brandy. It +was melting to me to hear her speak of him with such affection. What a +dutiful heart he has trampled upon! + +When I returned to the carriage, I asked Frank what he thought of the +old gentleman's case. + +"If he abstains entirely from the use of stimulants," he replied, "he +may live for years. But his mind is very much enfeebled, and probably he +will not be able to transact any business, hardly to leave the house. +Any sudden excitement would terminate his life. This I have tried to +impress upon Lucy and the servants." + +"Dear girl," I replied, "she seems perfectly happy in devoting her life +to the comfort of her miserable father." + +"Yes," added the Doctor, "and God will reward her." + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + "The peace which passeth all understanding disclosed itself in all + her movements. It lay on her countenance like a steady unshadowed + moonlight." COLERIDGE. + + +_Thursday, September 3d._ + +We assisted Emily up into her chair to-day while Ann put fresh linen +upon the bed. How she has changed! What a softened, subdued look there +is about her! Mother was the first to notice it. Sister is very grateful +for every attention, and has asked us to forgive her for causing us so +much anxiety. Yesterday she called her brother to the bed, and asked him +in a low voice if it would be too much trouble to call the servants to +her room, and have prayers there. He was much affected during the +service, while Cæsar and Phebe sobbed audibly. She spoke to each one as +they passed out of the room in a most affectionate manner. + + +_Sabbath, September 6th._ + +I have been to church all day. I intended to remain with sister this +afternoon, but at her special request her brother staid with her, and I +went again with mother. A note was read requesting prayers for Caroline +Leighton, lying at the point of death; that she might have the presence +of her Saviour through the dark valley, and arrive safely at her +heavenly home. This was her own dictation. Such notes are common here, +and I think very appropriate and salutary. + +When I returned from church and was passing into Emily's room, Frank +came out and led me to my boudoir. His eyes were inflamed as if he had +been weeping. He sat down by me when I had laid off my bonnet, and said +softly, "I know, dear Cora, that you will join me in giving God the +praise, for salvation has come to this house." He then told me that soon +after we left, Emily requested him to bring the Bible to the side of the +bed, and read the parable of the prodigal son. He did so, and read in a +low tone until he came to the eighteenth verse, when she interrupted +him, and with her eyes closed, and her hands clasped as if in prayer, +she repeated the words, "I will arise and go to my father, and will say +unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven and before thee, and am +no more worthy to be called thy child." She remained in the same +attitude for a few moments, when she put her hand into her brother's, +saying, "dear Frank, God, my Heavenly Father, has forgiven me." He sank +down by her side and buried his face in his hands. "Dear brother," she +whispered after a short pause, "will you ask God to enable me to +consecrate my life to his service?--My life, which has been heretofore +worse than wasted." It was some time before he could pray audibly, +though his whole soul was filled with gratitude and praise. He had +subsequently some delightful conversation with her, in the course of +which she exhibited evidence of a regenerate heart. + + +_Wednesday, September 9th._ + +I have been with my dear husband this afternoon to attend the funeral of +Caroline Leighton, who died on Monday evening full of peace and trust in +her Saviour. Her last words were uttered but half an hour before she +expired, and were, "For I know in whom I have believed, and am persuaded +that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against +that day." She had previously left messages of love for all her friends, +together with some little parting token of affection. She begged her +father to tell the Doctor what comfort and joy she had experienced in +her dying hour; and when he suggested that she should send her thanks +for all his attention both to her spiritual and temporal wants, she +looked up to him with a smile, and said, "tell him no thanks of mine +can repay him, but God will reward him." With a true refinement of +feeling she presented me with a little collection of hymns which Frank +had given her, and in which she had marked those which best expressed +her feelings. + + + "Oh, Death! + Youth and the opening rose + May look like things too glorious for decay, + And smile at thee--but thou art not of those + That wait the ripened bloom to seize their prey." + + +_Thursday, September 10th._ + +Frank is trying to arrange his business for a journey with me as soon as +he can leave Emily, who gains daily. A very free conversation passed +between her and mother, relative not only to the new feelings and hopes +which fill her soul; but also to her affection for Mr. Benson. On the +latter of these subjects, she has heretofore maintained the most rigid +reserve, excepting only the passionate expressions which I heard. Since +that interview a new tie seems to be formed between them. Mother no +longer feels obliged to restrain the outward manifestation of affection +for her child, while sister in her softened, subdued state heartily +reciprocates her feelings and expressions. + + +_Saturday, September 12th._ + +I went yesterday with the Doctor to make a call upon Mrs. Dr. Clapp. +From a variety of reasons I have been prevented from calling early, as I +intended; but with these reasons both the Doctor and his wife were well +acquainted. They have rented a little bird cage of a house, where the +young bride performs the offices of cook, house-keeper and chambermaid. +The proud husband, who is still so unfortunate as to have plenty of +leisure, showed us all their conveniences, and evidently thought himself +the happiest man, and his wife the dearest woman in the country. She is +obviously a keeper at home, shrinking like a sensitive plant from +contact with strangers, but unfolding and expanding in the congenial +atmosphere of home, and home friends. No doubt the grateful Doctor had +set forth in glowing terms "the unprecedented kindness of Dr. Lenox." +With many blushes she thanked me cordially for the kind interest we had +taken in his welfare. Frank made satisfactory arrangements with Dr. +Clapp, as to leaving his business with him during our short absence, and +when he began earnestly to express his thanks, my husband cut him short +by saying, "I regard myself altogether as the obliged party." We enjoyed +the visit much. After returning a few of the many calls made upon me, I +was glad to be at home again. "There is no place like home." + + +_Monday, September 14th._ + +We have decided to leave home on Wednesday morning, in order to take +P---- on our way, to be present at a Quaker wedding, when Elizabeth +Estes will become Elizabeth Nelson. We expect to go to B----, a +flourishing town in the western part of New York. I pleaded hard to take +Pauline with me, as Ann could well be spared for nurse; but the Doctor +was inexorable. When he is decided, one might as well undertake to +remove the mountains into the sea, as to change his determination. Yet I +must confess his decisions are generally wise. Respectful as he always +is to his mother, and ready to yield to her wishes, yet when she sees he +has fully made up his mind upon a point, she never tries to change his +decision. Pauline will remain under the care of mother and Emily. Frank +is determined that I shall reap great benefit from this journey, and so +I suppose I shall. In truth, my health is his great motive for going. I +have grown excessively nervous and low-spirited. I want to sit on a +cricket at your feet, and lay my head in your lap, dear mother, and have +you comfort and cheer me. I try to reason with myself that I have no +occasion to feel thus, but I cannot help it; the next morning I am as +bad as ever. Frank tries to comfort me by saying that it is owing to my +state of health and to my loss of appetite, and that I shall soon be +better. + + +_Tuesday, September 15th._ + +This morning Ann knocked at my door, and said Phebe begged I would go to +the kitchen. I went and found a little girl and boy hand in hand +awaiting me. The girl I should judge was six or seven years of age; the +boy was not more than four. He kept his eyes fixed upon me, with an +earnest, serious expression, while his sister explained her errand, as +if the business they came upon, was in their opinion of great importance +and magnitude. The little girl, in a singularly sweet voice, asked me +humbly if I had any work I wanted to have done. I smiled as I inquired, +"is the work for you or for your brother?" She understood the smile and +said quickly, "I can weed in a garden, or run of errands, or," turning +to Phebe with rather a doubtful look, "scour knives and wash dishes. +I'll be very careful not to break them, ma'am." + +"Where are your parents, Anna?" I asked when she had given me her name. + +"My mother is sick in bed," she replied sadly. + +"And your father, is he dead?" + +"No, ma'am," she answered, timidly dropping her eyes to the floor, while +a burning blush flashed over her pale wan countenance, extending even to +her very temples. Her little brother looked at her, and then at me. +Encouraged, I suppose, by my sympathy, he said, "Pa aint good. _Pa's a +bad man_, he licks ma when she's sick." + +I hastily inquired where they lived, and requesting Phebe to give them +some breakfast returned to my room, where Frank was shaving. I told him +what I had heard, when he interrupted me, "Ah, Reynolds has been having +another spree! I'm sorry for his poor wife and children. This man," said +he, turning from the mirror to look at me, "is another of Squire Lee's +hopeful _protegés_. Oh!" he continued after a moment's pause, while he +went on with his shaving, "the misery that distillery has caused in +this place, would if written down fill volumes." + +"What can I do for the poor children," I asked. "They want work." + +"Well, give them something to do, and pay them with a basket of food. +Mrs. Reynolds would hardly accept it as a gift. I will ride around that +way when I am out, and see what can be done." + +As I returned to the kitchen, I fairly taxed my ingenuity to find some +employment suited to their capacities; but in vain. So I determined to +appeal to Phebe. "My good Phebe," said I, "have you no work for these +children who are so anxious to be employed?" + +"Laws now missus!" answered Phebe, "It's no kinder use settin sich +babies to work. There's heaps on em comes here a beggin. If missus would +give em a cold bite now to carry to their sick ma, 'pears like dere'd be +some use in dat ar." + +I wish I could describe to you the anxious expression with which these +poor little creatures regarded Phebe as she replied, as if they would +implore her to answer more favorably. I saw that the good woman had no +idea of the real state of the case, and taking her into the hall I +explained to her that they had not been used to begging, and I did not +like to break down the independence and delicacy of feeling, I so much +admired. With a toss of her turban the truly kind-hearted woman +signified that she fully understood me, and when I told her farther that +her master was going out directly to the aid of their mother, she was +ready to do her full part in assisting them. She stood one moment to +think what she should set them about, as she expressed it, when her +countenance brightened as she exclaimed, "Wal now, if that ar aint kind +o' curus. There's me's been a tellin my ole man how desp't bad I wanted +de brush picked up clean out dar in de orchard fore cold wedder comes; +but laws, he never has no time for notting." When we returned to the +kitchen, the brother and sister had finished their breakfast, and sat +awaiting the important decision. I suggested that it would be well for +them to carry something previously to their mother, and obtain her +consent to remain through the day. She would thus be relieved from all +anxiety concerning them. + +As I committed the basket of food to the eager hand stretched out for +it, I was struck with the expression of the child's countenance. It +shone like that of an angel. Nor did I wonder at it, when gently pulling +my dress she reached up to speak to me, and said, "I felt sure, ma'am, +we should get some," glancing at the basket. + +"Why, my dear?" + +"Because this morning, I said, please God give me some bread for my poor +sick ma." + +"Were you sure, God would hear you?" I asked, wishing to hear farther. +Looking up in surprise, she answered, while her eyes grew bright, "why +you know ma'am, he says, 'ask and ye _shall_ receive.' Ma told me that +he says so in the Bible." + +What a beautiful lesson of trust! I kissed them both and let them go. +Phebe, whose sympathies were now thoroughly enlisted, followed them to +the door, saying, "tell your ma, she shan't want for vittles while +mass'r 'lows ole Phebe to save em for yees;" and then remembering what I +had told her, she added, "tell her thar's heaps o' work o' waiting for +yees." + + +_Afternoon._ + +As I have finished my packing, I will tell you that Phebe's _protegés_, +Anna and Willie, soon returned and went to work with such good will upon +the brush that madam was enthusiastic in their praise. They brought me +word that their mother was very much obliged to me for letting them earn +the food. The Doctor found her sick with a cold. In a fit of +intoxication her husband turned her out of the house, where she was +obliged to remain until chilled through. Frank advised her to complain +to the public authorities and have him confined for a time. "Oh, +Doctor!" she replied, "he's not himself when he treats me so ill. He +never would do it if it were not for rum. Oh, dear!" she continued, +beginning to cry, "we were so happy until he went to work in that horrid +distillery." + +How many poor distressed wives and children have said the same! Happy +indeed should we be if it were not for _rum_! I have become so much +interested in the family, that I would gladly postpone my journey +another day, for the sake of visiting her, were it not for my desire to +be present at Elizabeth's wedding. Mother Lenox needed no urging to +attend to the wants of the family while the Doctor is absent. I +requested Frank to give me the history of the Reynolds family; but he +smiled as he said, "you are so systematic a person I should be obliged +to begin at the beginning, and relate every fact in due order, which +would take more time than I can well spare." He promised, however, to +gratify my curiosity at another time. Dear little Pauline has no idea +that I am to leave her. But she will be taken good care of I doubt not. +Emily pets her rather too much. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + + "On thee, blest youth, a father's hand confers + The maid thy earliest, fondest wishes knew; + Each soft enchantment of the soul is hers; + Thine be the joys to firm attachment due." ROGERS. + + +_Monday, October 19th._ + +It is six months to day since I was married and left my beloved home. +What would you say to your daughter if she were to tell you that +sometimes she has been so unthankful for all her mercies as to wish she +had never left the shelter of the paternal roof or the warm embrace of +parents and sisters. But so it has been, and I have determined to +confess it to you. I think it will guard me from ever indulging again in +distrust or jealousy. But I forget that I have told you nothing of our +journey and return. I have enough to fill many pages of my journal. + +We started on a clear, bright morning in September, and in two or three +hours reached P----. We went directly to the house of Friend Shove, +where we met by appointment Friend Estes, her husband Jotham, and her +daughter Elizabeth. I suppose Jenny, our old nurse at home, would have +told me as she used sometimes to do when I was a child, that I had "got +out of bed wrong," for I felt cross all the morning. And when as we rode +on, (we were in our own carriage, and some of the wedding party were to +take it back,) Frank tried to cheer me, and said kindly, "You must +expect sometimes to feel a little out of tune," I only felt worse. When, +however, I saw the smooth, placid face of Friend Estes, and her bright, +smiling, blushing Lizzie, as she is affectionately called, I began to +think there were pleasant spots in the world after all. And when I had +sat down at a neat table covered with everything to tempt one's +appetite, and had taken a cup of delicious coffee, and a slice of ham, I +felt decidedly more reconciled to life. I could eat nothing before I +started. After waiting half an hour, we all walked to meeting, where, as +in England, among the same denomination, the males occupy one part of +the house and the females the other. Josiah Nelson and Elizabeth Estes +sat on the high seat in front of the audience, and in sight of all of +them. After sitting for some time without a word being spoken, Josiah +arose and took Elizabeth by the hand, saying, "In the presence of this +assembly, I take this my friend Elizabeth Estes to be my wife, promising +through divine assistance to be unto her a faithful and affectionate +husband until death shall separate us." + +Then Elizabeth in a sweet voice which she vainly tried to keep from +trembling, said, still holding her friend by the hand, "In the presence +of this assembly, I take this my friend Josiah Nelson to be my husband, +promising through divine assistance, to be unto him a faithful and +affectionate wife until death shall separate us." + +They then subscribed their names to the certificate, which was as +follows:--"Whereas, Josiah, son of Samuel and Hannah Nelson, and +Elizabeth, daughter of Jotham and Elizabeth Estes, have declared their +intentions of taking each other in marriage to P---- monthly meeting of +the Society of Friends held in P----, according to the good order used +among them; and their proceedings after due inquiry and deliberate +consideration thereof being allowed by the said meeting; they appearing +clear of all others, and having consent of parents, these are to certify +to all whom it may concern, that for the full accomplishment of their +said intention, this sixteenth day of the ninth month, in the year of +our Lord one thousand eight hundred and thirty-five, they, the said +J. N. and E. E., appeared at a religious meeting of the aforesaid +society in P----, and did declare," etc. [See marriage contract as +above.] + +After this novel and interesting ceremony had concluded, we returned to +a most bountiful dinner with the hospitable family of Friend Shove; and +soon after bidding our friends "farewell," we proceeded on our journey. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + "Foul jealousy! that turnest love divine + To joyless dread, or mak'st the loving heart + With hateful thoughts to languish and to pine, + And feed itself with self-consuming smart; + Of all the passions in the mind thou vilest art." SPENSER. + + +_Evening, October 19th._ + +We reached B---- on Tuesday evening, September 22d, where we were +cordially welcomed by Mrs. Morgan, a sister of Frank's father. The +family consists of Mr. and Mrs. Morgan, and their son Joseph Lenox, +named for his uncle. There was also Mrs. Fidelia Schuyler, an orphan +niece of aunt Morgan, who had been married but a few months. She is a +child of aunt Morgan's brother, who has been deceased many years. As I +shall have much to say of her, I will describe her as she presented +herself to me at the time. She appeared to be about twenty years of age, +with very light flaxen hair, hanging in loose curls at the side of her +face. She had blue eyes, and a somewhat fair complexion. At the first +glance I thought her a very little like Emily in expression; but +afterwards wondered how I could have thought so. Emily's eyes are a +splendid gray, fringed with long, black lashes, and her hair is the +darkest shade of auburn, like Frank's. + +Fidelia received me cordially enough; as I was a stranger, I could not +expect she would be as glad to see me as she was to see her own cousin. +I felt almost hurt that Frank did not more fully reciprocate her joy at +their meeting. There was a perfect fascination to me about this young +bride. She was constantly changing like the colors and figures in a +kaleidoscope. Sometimes she would introduce conversation with the Doctor +upon politics, and really talk very sensibly, so that I felt ashamed +that I was ignorant of such subjects. Then she would talk of old times +in a manner I did not at all understand. I fancied once or twice that +Frank, to whom all this conversation was addressed, looked rather +annoyed, and supposed it was in consequence of my listening so closely; +I therefore turned to my cousin Joseph. He claimed me as such, before I +stepped from the carriage. He is a fine intelligent youth near my own +age I should imagine; and though he made many inquiries about his aunt +and Emily, which I was occupied in answering, yet I could not wholly +withdraw my attention from the cousin near me. Her voice would often +drop to so low a key that I could not distinguish the words; but its +intonation was soft and languishing, and her whole appearance, to say +the least, as she sat upon the sofa with Frank, was certainly +_peculiar_. Joseph observed my frequent glances in that direction, and +he whispered, "The greatest coquette," motioning with his head towards +his cousin, "in the known world." + +"Is she a widow then?" I asked eagerly, "I understood aunt she was +_Mrs._ Schuyler; if so, I should hardly think, she would waste her +energies on a _married_ man. _You_ would be a better subject." He +laughed so heartily that for a minute or so, he interrupted the +conversation on the sofa, when I heard Fidelia say to Frank, in a voice +hardly raised above a whisper, "Your wife seems very free and easy; I +suppose it results from her being educated in Paris. One would think +from her manner, she had been acquainted with Joseph a long time." + +I could hear no more, for at that moment Joseph commenced again. + +"My dear coz, how old do you take me to be?" + +"About as old as I am," I replied. + +"Ah! now, I shall have a fine chance to find your age. Doctor," said +he, breaking in upon their conversation, "will you favor me with the +exact age of your wife?" The Doctor looked as if he did not quite +understand. + +"She thinks," he continued, "that I am about as old as she is. Now to +ascertain the correctness of this judgment, I apply to you for the year, +month, and day, of her birth." + +"How vulgar," whispered Fidelia. + +I laughed at the mock gravity of his manner, and should have been +entirely deceived by it, had it not been for a merry glance from his +eye. "I could easily have answered the question," said I, "if you had +applied to me; I was born, as I have been informed, on the fourth day of +February, one thousand eight hundred and seventeen, and am therefore, at +the present time, eighteen years, seven months, and eighteen days." I +imitated his manner as I replied. He bowed almost to the floor, and +resumed his seat. + +"Astonishing!" murmured Fidelia, "she is very free to tell her age, now +she is _married_." + +Frank started to meet his aunt who was returning to the room after +having attended to her evening duties. He led her to a distance, where +they were soon absorbed in an interesting conversation, in which they +were joined by uncle Morgan, a thorough gentleman of the old school, +perhaps a little too formal in his extreme politeness, but a very +excellent husband and father. He is a lawyer, and a man of considerable +wealth. Fidelia often looked that way as if wishing to follow her +cousin, but at length left the sofa, and took a seat near us; but not +before Joseph had asked me in a hurried manner how old I thought she +was. + +"I will 'guess,'" said I, "she is nineteen or twenty." + +"Add ten to that," he replied quickly, as she approached. + +After half an hour, during which time Joseph did most of the talking, +aunt came to me remarking that I looked very tired and had better +retire. This I was glad to do, and she said she would accompany me; but +Fidelia begged so earnestly for the privilege, that I requested aunt to +remain with Frank. Contrary to my expectation, and indeed to my wish, +she entered my room, and remained so long I had no excuse for not +undressing; and at length was obliged to do so in the presence of an +entire stranger. She continued talking, however, in a most confidential +strain. "I suppose you don't wonder," she commenced, "that Frank, (the +rest of the family called him Doctor,) and I are so glad to see one +another, considering,"--she stopped. + +"Considering what?" I asked in surprise at her manner, which implied far +more than her words expressed. + +She hesitated, "why _considering_ that we were brought up together. Aunt +Lenox adopted me when mother died, and I always lived at your house. +What room do you occupy?" she asked. + +I answered reluctantly, though I could not tell why. There was something +very unpleasant about her conversation. It always, unintentionally +perhaps, left a sting. She went on to inform me in the strictest +confidence, that she and Frank had been fondly attached to one another. + +"Why," I asked, "was this friendship given up?" + +"_Friendship_," she repeated in a theatrical tone, "say rather ardent +_love_!" I could not prevent my voice from trembling a little as I +repeated my question. + +"Oh!" she replied with a mysterious air, "aunt Lenox--peculiar +reasons."--She suddenly started on hearing a step; and whispering, "not +a word of all this, my dear," hastily left me. + +I don't think I could have endured it a moment longer. I never felt so +thoroughly "worked up," as the Yankees say; and for five minutes I would +have given every thing I possessed, could I have been safely at home +under my own dear mother's roof. When Frank came up, I could only feign +sleep in order to conceal my new and strange emotions of distrust and +jealousy, Fidelia had awakened in my mind. I forced myself to be quiet +until Frank was asleep, when I could contain myself no longer. With my +face buried in the pillow to stifle my sobs, I wept until I could weep +no longer. I lay awake all night, revolving the dreadful deception which +I fancied had been practised upon me. I could well understand, I +thought, why mother Lenox had never even mentioned Fidelia's name in my +presence. Nor could I account for the fact that Frank had not, except +upon the supposition that what she had told me was true. Indeed the +truth of her story I did not for a moment doubt. + + +_Tuesday, October 20th._ + +When I awoke the next morning, which I did from a troubled nap after +day-break, I could not at first remember what had happened, such a heavy +weight was upon my spirits. If any one had told me then, that I was not +the most unhappy person in the world, I should have considered them very +unkind. + +Frank actually started when I tried to rise, and would have persuaded me +to lie down again; but I was determined to do as I chose, and persisted +until a sudden fit of faintness compelled me to return to my bed. I felt +so severely the effects of my night's excitement, that I began to be +really anxious about the result. If Frank spoke to me, I averted my +head. I could not endure to meet his eye; and when he kindly went below +and brought a cup of coffee to the bed, I refused to take it. I could +only sob and say, "I want to go home. I must see my own mother." + +The Doctor was now seriously alarmed, and went for aunt. With true +motherly kindness, she administered to me, persuaded me to drink the +coffee and eat a slice of dry toast. She then smoothed my pillow, +darkened the room and left me, after a promise that I would at least try +to sleep. She left a small bell upon the table, and said, "no one shall +come in until you ring." + +To my surprise, when I awoke, the sun was shining high in the heavens; +and on my consulting my watch, I found it was near noon. I arose quietly +and dressed, and not a little astonished the company sitting in the +parlor below, by my sudden entrance. It made me feel no better, +however, to perceive, as I did at a glance, that my husband and his +cousin occupied seats near each other on the sofa, as on the previous +evening. But the Doctor was busily engaged in reading, and did not +perceive me until I had advanced to the middle of the room. + +"There, Frank," exclaimed Fidelia, as he sprang up to give me his seat, +"I told you, you were unnecessarily alarmed. Now, sweet cousin," said +she, turning to look up in my face, and mincing her words, "confess you +were only shamming." + +"Fidelia," said my aunt, in a stern voice. I did not look to see what +Frank thought; I did not care. I covered my eyes to prevent the tears +from being seen. I wanted to keep them covered forever rather than to +see Fidelia's face again. In justice to myself, I ought to say, that +probably this state of mind, which was greatly aggravated by the +condition of my health, would soon have passed away, had it not been for +the continual suggestions and insinuations of Fidelia. Sometimes by a +word, sometimes by a significant shrug of the shoulders; then, again, by +a glance of the eye, she gave a false coloring to the most trivial words +or actions, and + + + "Trifles, light as air, + Are, to the jealous, confirmations strong + As proofs of holy writ." + + +All this time, the Doctor grew every day more and more grave, almost +stern. Now and then, when I looked up suddenly, I met his eye fixed upon +me in a serious, inquiring manner, as if he would read my very thoughts. +Though I felt that I was innocent of any wrong toward him, and that he +had deceived and wronged me, yet I could not help looking very much +confused. + +Joseph, good kind Joseph, was the life of the house. He devoted himself +to my comfort. He read to me, told me stories, and was never tired of +hearing me talk about my sweet little Pauline. Oh! how in imagination, I +hugged the little thing to my heart, as the only one on earth in whom I +could repose entire trust. Joseph wove many a tale out of her romantic +story, in which by turns she figured as a Countess, a Duchess, or, at +least, as Lady Pauline. I told him, I was entirely satisfied to have her +plain Pauline Lenox. Then the merry fellow asked me to educate her for a +wife for him. "That would be just the thing, and your desire could be +satisfied by having her name unchanged, I would merely add Morgan to it. + +"Now, Coz" said he one day, "I'm serious about this matter; I've been +looking about for a year or two; and I have seen no one whom I should +wish to honor with my name and title. I lay awake all last night +thinking what a fine thing it would be to have her educated for me." + +I could not help laughing as I replied, "I should shrink from so +responsible an employment." + +"Why, Coz," he said earnestly, unconsciously raising his voice, "Make +her like yourself. I ask no greater joy than to possess the hand of one +in every respect like yourself." + +At the last sentence, I noticed that Fidelia gave the Doctor a quick +glance to direct his attention to us; and I heard her say, "quite +sentimental." Frank started from his chair with a terrible look, such as +I had never seen but once before, and that was when I told him of +Emily's treatment of Mr. Benson. He walked quickly across the room, but +appearing to recollect himself, he took a book and resumed his seat. I +detected a smile of exultation on Fidelia's face which in vain I tried +to account for or understand. + +Joseph bent down over me, taking my hand as he did so, and while he +played with the rings on my fingers said, sinking his voice to the +lowest key, "What can the matter be? You may always be sure there is +mischief where Fidelia is." + +I started;--how true this had been in my case! I fell into a long +reverie; so long that Joseph took up a paper to read. I thought over all +she had told me from our first interview; looking at this subject and +that by the light of the new revelation, I had of her character. But +there were stern facts to be met. She had passed all the early part of +her life in the closest intimacy with my husband; they had loved each +other ardently; nay, she had hinted that at one time they were +affianced. And yet this had been sacredly kept from me, while he had +often told me I was the first object of his affection. Then I could not +shut my eyes to the fact that Frank was entirely different in his manner +toward me. I could hardly believe him to be the same man. As day after +day passed he grew more and more polite; but it was a _frigid_ +politeness, which chilled my very blood; and this, too, at a time when +my health demanded unusual tenderness. I sometimes wonder even now, how +all this could have happened, and Aunt Morgan not have noticed it more +particularly. But then I remember that she had not known her nephew +intimately for many years; and I was a perfect stranger to her. She knew +not that, until we arrived at her house, we had been all the world to +each other. + +On Saturday afternoon, Mr. Schuyler arrived. He is of German origin, +rather abrupt in manner, but possessing naturally, I should imagine, a +warm heart and capable of making a loving wife happy by the strength of +his affection. But I had not been in company with them many hours before +I saw that Mrs. Schuyler was recklessly throwing away her own happiness, +and that of her husband. By every means in her power, she contrived to +render him she had sworn to "love, honor and obey," uncomfortable, nay, +even _wretched_. He had some slight peculiarities of person to which she +referred in the presence of the family, in a manner so unbecoming and +unlady-like, that my cheeks burned with shame and indignation. I could +see that it was with difficulty that he refrained from giving her a tart +reply. + +But all other annoyances were slight compared with the one great desire +which had taken possession of her soul, which was to render her husband +jealous of the Doctor. To this one purpose she bent all her powers. I +cannot describe to you the variety of conflicting emotions struggling +for mastery during the hours of that never to be forgotten Sabbath. I +had slept little the night previous, but had lain awake revolving the +character of my cousin, and, for the first time, doubts of her +truthfulness began to intrude themselves into my mind. I acknowledged +her fascination, her great conversational powers, but I could not shut +my eyes to the fact that all these gifts were perverted to unlawful +purposes, such as would surely destroy not only her own, and her +husband's happiness, but the happiness of all with whom she associated. +Even in my troubled sleep she was before me, and appeared like the +serpents I had read of, who fascinate and charm but to destroy. + +On Sabbath morning, Fidelia appeared elaborately dressed and really +looked beautiful. Frank's eyes rested upon her with such a singular +expression that I looked at him with wonder. I had before thought her +free in manner with him, but now I was amazed. I had never even imagined +any person so artfully insinuating. Sometimes I determined to leave the +room, unable longer to endure the annoyance and excitement; but the next +moment I was restrained by a desire to see what would follow. + +Directly after family prayers, she availed herself of a seat near the +Doctor, and, leaning familiarly on the arm of his chair, said, "Dear +Frank, I've so often longed to talk with you upon some subjects +connected with my spiritual interests! You, dear cousin, always +understood my inner nature, my better feelings. Oh," said she, slightly +raising her voice, and sighing heavily as she glanced toward her +husband, "how I have longed for a congenial spirit--for some one who +could appreciate my aspirations after higher good. Dear cousin," she +added, laying her hand on his, and gazing up into his face with an +expression of languishing fondness, "those were blissful days when we +scarce called a thought or wish our own, until we had imparted it to +each other." + +Frank started from his seat, and I was sure there was a strong +expression of disgust upon his countenance. But the indignant husband +saw not this. He had caught his hat and rushed from the house. + +Fidelia remarked with a sneer, "it is a great grief to me that I have +never been able to prevail with Mr. Schuyler to keep in doors on the +Sabbath. It is really disgraceful to see any one so openly profane the +day." + +"Fidelia," said the Doctor, in a reproving tone, "The God of the Sabbath +requires not only an outward observance, but a regulation of the +thoughts and feelings of the heart. We may offend him as truly by +indulging in unkind thoughts or improper feelings, as by any outward +violation of the sanctity of the day." + +I expected Fidelia would be offended by the plainness of this speech; +but to my surprise she caught Frank's hand, and pressed it again and +again to her lips; and with her eyes, which were humid with tears fixed +lovingly upon his, she said in a sad tone, "Oh, Frank! if I could only +have had you near me to point out my faults kindly and tenderly, I might +have been happy and good. Don't blame your poor Fidelia, who, connected +with a man with whom she has not a single feeling of communion, is +indeed very miserable." + +The Doctor appeared much perplexed and annoyed, while Uncle Morgan +walked angrily out of the room. Joseph came and sat down by me, and +began in a low voice to talk of his wonder that the Doctor did not see +through and despise her hypocrisy. "I can endure anything else," said +he, while an expression of intense abhorrence passed over his +countenance; "but when she gets on to one of her _pious_ strains, I have +to call to mind all the consistent piety of my parents to keep me from +thinking religion a farce." + +"Dear Joseph," said I, "it distresses me to hear you speak so lightly +upon religious subjects. It is the want of religion your reason +disapproves. Believe me, true piety never repels in the way you +mention." I looked up to meet the eyes of my husband fixed upon me with +such sadness that the blood burned in my cheeks. I felt, from Fidelia's +looks, there was something wrong; but what, I could not imagine. The +Doctor left the room, and soon his cousin retired to dress for church. +Joseph wished to remain with me, but this I would by no means allow. I +intended to retire to my own apartment, and spend the time in a manner +befitting the sacredness of the day. + +When the church bell rang, the family assembled in the parlor; and as +Mr. Schuyler had not returned, Fidelia put her arm in Frank's before +they left the house. I could not resist the inclination to look at them +from the window. She hung heavily on his arm as she lovingly turned her +face to his. I pressed my hand to my heart to still a rising thought +prejudicial to my husband, and returned for a moment to my seat. Before +I had recovered myself sufficiently to go to my room, the outer door +burst open, and Mr. Schuyler entered, in no enviable frame of mind. He +had met his wife and Frank on their way to church, and had only needed +the look of unmistakable affection with which she regarded her companion +to raise his jealousy to the highest pitch. + +He appeared wholly unconscious of my presence, but walked with hasty +strides across the room, soliloquizing in an angry manner: "A pretty +life she leads me! She says, they were formerly engaged to be married. +Upon my soul, I believe it; though I've found out long ago she has no +more regard for the truth than that," vehemently snapping his fingers. +"Fool that I was to marry her--to be so taken in by a pretty face and +languishing looks! Bah! it makes me sick to see her fawning round the +Doctor." + +He walked to the mantel piece and stood for a moment looking into the +fire, when he commenced again, "I thought her an angel of goodness. If +it had been real she might have moulded me into what she pleased. Upon +my soul," with a half uttered oath between his teeth, "I believe she's +possessed of all the devils that were cast out of Mary Magdalene. I've +made up my mind what course to pursue." After a short pause, he added +with a sigh of relief, "Yes, I have it! She was poor--she married me for +my money,--well--yes, that will serve her right," and his hollow laugh +made me shudder. "And yet," he added, in a softened tone, while his good +spirit again seemed pleading, "how I loved her,--how happy we might have +been--well, we shall see,--_we shall see_!" + +Many times since the entrance of Mr. Schuyler, I had started from my +seat intending to say something to soothe his anger, but as often had +sunk back powerless. I was myself suffering, and what could I say? But +the agony he endured; the jealousy and desire for revenge exhibited by +him opened my eyes to the fearful brink upon which I stood, and I firmly +resolved by the help of God, to give no sleep to my eyes until I had +unburdened my heart to my husband, and besought a return of his +confidence and love. I saw plainly where I had sinned, in the coldness +and reserve which was creeping between us; and I said to myself, "_God +helping me, it shall be so no longer._" I arose silently and retired to +my room, where I prayed fervently for strength to tear up every root of +unkindness, distrust and jealousy which I had cherished toward my dear +husband. I was happier already. + +Long before I had begun to expect them, the family returned from morning +service. I heard the outer door open, and Frank, after ascertaining that +I was not in the parlor, hastened up stairs. I smiled as I held out my +hand to him, and said, "I did not expect you so soon." + +He did not return the smile, but pressed my hand against his heart, and +said with emotion, "Oh, _Cora_! CORA!!" + +At that moment the bell rang for dinner, and Frank putting my hand in +his arm led me below. Oh! how my heart bounded at this simple act of +tenderness! I felt strong to endure whatever insults Fidelia might +offer. "If I only have my husband's love," I said to myself, "I defy you +to injure me." + +When we were seated at dinner, Joseph said, "what have you been doing, +Cousin Cora? I never before saw you look so happy." All eyes were turned +toward me, and I caught one glance of love from my dear Frank which +certainly did not diminish my color. + +Fidelia noticed it, and looked at Frank as if she thought herself +personally aggrieved, while the next moment she cast a glance of +defiance at her husband in reply to the scornful sneer with which he +regarded her. The Doctor persisted in being silent, and kept his eyes +fixed on his plate, notwithstanding all his cousin's attempts to engage +him in conversation, while Joseph bit his lips to keep from laughing to +see her for once so completely foiled. + +The moment dinner was over, Frank turned to leave the room, after giving +me an imploring glance to accompany him; but not before his cousin had +stepped forward and laying her hand on his arm detained him while she +said something I could not hear. + +"Impossible!" he replied aloud, "I am otherwise engaged;" and he led me +from the room. A malignant scowl darkened her face; but I think Frank +did not see it. We entered our room, but had hardly closed the door when +some one knocked. With a gesture of impatience he opened it, when to my +surprise Mr. Schuyler stood in the passage pale and trembling from +suppressed excitement. + +"Can I speak one word with you, Doctor?" + +"Certainly, walk in." + +"Perhaps you will think me strange; but you will excuse my asking you if +you love my wife?" + +Frank started forward with the simple word, "Sir," in a tone which +implied that he considered the question an insult. + +"Yet," continued Mr. Schuyler, "My wife affirms that such is the case; +and that during the last few days you have repeatedly told her so." + +I had fallen back in my chair when Frank's looks arrested my attention. +There was not a particle of color in his face or lips, and for a moment +there was a terrible struggle to control his anger; but at length he +said, in a low, firm voice, "She has deceived you. I have never loved +her. From a boy I have loathed her character. God forgive me," he added +in a hoarse voice, "but I can hardly hear her name with patience. She +has even endeavored to"--with a quick glance of sorrow at me, he checked +himself, and then exclaimed, turning to the window to conceal his +feelings, "Oh, why did I believe her?" + +"Enough," said Mr. Schuyler, whose countenance had gradually assumed a +fixedness of expression dreadful to witness, "I see you are aware of the +intrinsic beauty, and loveliness of the character of the woman I have +the honor to call my wife." These words were said in a tone of bitter +irony which it is impossible to describe; but he immediately added, +lowering his voice, "Dr. Lenox, I have foolishly distrusted your honor. +I ask your forgiveness." + +Frank wrung his hand as he said, "Mr. Schuyler, from my very soul I pity +you." + +"I rather think, sir, you'll have a call for your pity in another +direction," pointing compassionately toward me; "mine eyes have not been +so blinded by my own misery, that I have not seen how your wife +suffered." + +Frank shook with emotion as he hastily bolted the door, and took a seat +near me. I had covered my face with my hands, and was trying to force +myself to be calm. + +"Cora," said he, in a voice which trembled in spite of himself, "won't +you look at me? Oh, Cora, you used to love me!" + +"Dear, _dear_ Frank," I said, throwing my arms around his neck, "I love +you now. I have always loved you." + +He pressed me silently to his heart. "Cora," he asked, turning my face +where he could look into my eyes, "tell me truly, do you not love Joseph +Morgan?" + +O, what a world of light that one question let into my soul! I sprang +joyfully to my feet, and looking him fully in the face, "My dear +husband," I answered, "as I love, honor and fear my Maker, I have not, +and never have had one thought or feeling toward him unfaithful to you +as my wedded companion, nor has he ever given me reason to suspect that +he felt toward me otherwise than as he would feel toward a dear sister, +or cousin. Oh, Frank! how could I, when I loved you so dearly?" I could +endure it no longer, but burst into tears. + +"Then, may God forgive me," murmured he with a convulsive sob. "But I +can never forgive myself." + +It was a long time before I was composed enough to hear him explain; and +he had hardly entered upon the subject, when he was seized with +giddiness, and in attempting to reach the table for some water, was +obliged to catch hold of the bed post to save himself from falling. I +forgot everything else in my anxiety for him. I knew that he had been +dangerously ill with attacks of this kind in former years, and after +assisting him to reach the bed, I ran below for Aunt Morgan. She and +Joseph immediately went to him. When they approached the bed the Doctor +held out his hand to Joseph, while with the other he pressed his +throbbing brow. "Cousin," he said humbly, "I have wronged you, greatly +wronged you." + +"In what?" asked Joseph in surprise. + +"I have been led to believe that you and Cora loved each other; loved as +you ought not. Can you forgive me?" + +The hoarse voice, and suppressed breathing showed cousin, that this was +no time for a joke, and he answered gravely, "truly and fully." + +"Thank you," replied the Doctor in a whisper. + +"Frank," I said, as his paleness every moment increased, "I shall send +for a physician, or can you prescribe for yourself?" He requested Joseph +to go across the street to the druggists and procure some medicine which +he named. He then said to aunt, "I used to have these turns long ago, +but have not for a year or two." + +When cousin returned with the phial I administered the medicine +according to his direction, when he told aunt, if it would not be giving +too much trouble, he should like some strong mustard draughts for his +feet. + +After half an hour, a fire had been made in the room, and the poultices +had begun to take effect. He felt his pulse, and asked me to administer +another dose of the medicine. Seeing that I looked very much troubled, +he said gently, "try, my love, to compose your feelings. It is true I am +very sick; but I tell you the truth when I say, there is probably no +danger, provided I keep perfectly free from excitement, and the medicine +operates favorably. I know exactly what to do." + +I was turning away to hide my tears when he drew me down to him and +whispered, "say once more, dear Cora, that you forgive me!" It was +almost more than I could bear; but I choked back my sobs, and assured +him again and again of my love and entire forgiveness. + +I had been moving quietly about the room preparing for the night, when +aunt came in, and said she or Joseph would watch with Frank. But I told +her nothing should induce me to leave him. This was said in a whisper, +but Frank heard it, and said, "let her stay. I am already relieved, and +shall need nothing. I shall rest far better if she is by my side." + +Aunt put her hand on his head. "Doctor, you are very ill, I shall send +for a physician immediately. Your head is burning up, and fairly throbs +with violence." + +Frank's face lit up almost into a smile, as he said, "It is easy to bear +that; the pain is all gone here," putting his hand to his heart. + +"Dear husband," said I, "don't think of that now; only remember that I +am your own Cora, and try to go to sleep." Dear aunt had to take off her +glasses and wipe them twice before she could see; and she would not be +contented until she had brought him some hot herb tea, which he +consented to take, as it might hasten the operation of the medicine. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + "O, women, men's subduers! + Nature's extremes, no mean is to be had, + Excellent good or infinitely bad." DAVENPORT. + + + "O, jealousy! thou merciless destroyer, + More cruel than the grave! what ravages + Does thy wild war make in the noblest bosoms!" MALLET. + + +_Saturday, October 24th._ + +By half past eleven on the evening of this attack, Frank was so much +relieved, that I felt it safe to go to bed, and slept sweetly for the +first time for more than a week. The next morning he pronounced the +difficulty entirely removed, but confessed that the powerful medicine, +he had taken, made him very weak. I carried him some breakfast to the +bed, after which I took my work and sat by his side. I would not allow +him to talk, and was only too happy in the thought that all the coldness +and reserve which had caused each of us so much unhappiness had passed, +and now only appeared like a troubled dream. My heart was buoyant with +hope and happiness, and as I ever and anon looked up from my work and +met the eye of my husband fixed upon me with its former look of love, I +felt that my Heavenly Father had answered my prayers, and restored unto +me the heart, I feared, was estranged from me forever. + +Aunt came up and sat down on the foot of the bed. After Frank had +assured her that all the danger had passed, and that, with the exception +of being weak, he was as well as ever, she began to say something of +Fidelia. I had taken my breakfast late, and had not seen her since we +parted at the dinner table yesterday. Now I thought I recognized her +step in the entry, and looked with dread at the door. Aunt perceived my +agitation and asked me what was the matter. + +"I can't see Fidelia," I almost screamed, as I heard the latch move. +Aunt stepped to the door and locked it, while Frank said, "There is more +in this than I thought. There must have been some underhand work here." +He stopped suddenly at a quick look from aunt. + +"You will probably not see her again," she said gravely, "she has +returned home." + +"Would to God, she had never left it!" murmured Frank. + +"When did she go?" I asked joyfully. + +"About an hour since," was her reply. It was hard for me to conceal my +joy at her unexpected departure. + +About noon Frank arose and went below. Uncle and Joseph were very glad +to see him; and when my husband sat down by me and put his arm about me, +uncle said, "that is as husband and wife should be." He was obliged to +get up and go to the window to wipe his glasses, before he could go on +with his reading. + +Joseph did not let the Doctor off quite so easily. "Cousin Frank," said +he familiarly, "I've found out that if I don't want to be jealous of my +wife, I must be so attentive to her as to exclude all others. Now if you +had appeared like that all the time, why you see"--he hesitated--"I +should have lost all the fun." + +We all laughed at his comical manner, though I saw that Frank felt it +keenly. "We'll talk of that by and by," he said gravely. + +"Excuse me," resumed Joseph, "I really didn't mean anything, 'twas only +a foolish way I have of turning everything into a joke." + +"Yes, my son, you're very foolish," said aunt's voice; but her eyes +told a different story as she looked over her glasses with the most +tender affection upon her only child. + +"By the way," continued the young man, coming and occupying a seat on +the sofa near me, "have you plead my cause yet, Cora?" + +"What cause?" + +"Why in regard to the fair hand of your daughter Pauline." He then +begged the Doctor's consent, saying, "if it will make any essential +difference in the case, I will get on my knees before you; but if you +could excuse it, as my pants are new, I shall be under the greater +obligation." + +Uncle and aunt laughed till they cried as he went on in the most +ludicrous manner possible; sometimes standing before the mirror prinking +and talking to his own image; and then practising "courting" upon his +mother. Entirely forgetful of the newness of his pants he knelt before +her, and in heart-rending tones besought her to be gracious to his suit; +and when she nodded assent to his wishes, rapturously kissed her hands. +Then with a low bow to the company, while brushing his fingers through +his hair, he said in the gravest tone, "I find it necessary, ladies and +gentlemen, to practise occasionally. There is nothing in this business +like keeping one's hand in. Practice makes perfect." + +After dinner, Frank told uncle he was desirous of seeing the family +together at some convenient time, and uncle replied that he would +arrange his business so that he could spend the evening at home. + +Frank had told me before, that he wished to explain some things in his +conduct, and thought he ought to do so before the family, as they had +witnessed what had passed. During the afternoon he was so tender and +devoted to me that I more than half determined to tell him all Fidelia's +story to me, and have it settled at once, but before I had really +decided, we had taken tea, and having attended prayers were all seated +around the social hearth waiting for Frank to say what he wished. He +commenced with the remark, it was extremely painful to him to be obliged +to say anything unfavorable to the character of another; but, he +continued, "in order to explain, I do not say extenuate, my conduct +toward my wife, I must inform you that on the very first evening of my +arrival, Fidelia succeeded in planting a thorn in my heart, and from +that time until yesterday, she never ceased to suggest or hint at, ideas +which made me fear that the affection of my wife for me, if not her very +virtue, was endangered by her intimacy with her cousin." + +Joseph started upon his feet, and I covered my face; but Frank said, +"sit down, Joseph; you can well afford to hear; your conscience is at +rest, while mine"--he stopped, he had evidently schooled himself for the +interview. "After this," he continued, "it was astonishing how many +trivial events occurred which appeared at the time to corroborate her +story; and she failed not to make use of them. For instance, I saw you, +cousin, take Cora's hand in what to my inflamed imagination seemed too +familiar a manner; at another time I heard you say, you should wish a +wife in all respects like her, and various other things which I should +not condescend to name, were it not to show you that with her +whisperings and hints, these had grown to such a magnitude in my mind, +that I was prepared to believe anything." + +Joseph interrupted him and began to make some explanations, but Frank +would not allow a word to be said. "My dear cousin," he continued, "I +know you will not insult me by offering an explanation for what existed +only in my heated imagination, and which now that I have recovered my +reason, I loathe myself for indulging. I thought it over in the night, +and was astonished at my blindness; for you both were so perfectly open +in your conduct, I do not at all wonder that my little Cora feared me as +she did." + +"Ah," said I, determining bravely to tell my story, "there is another +side to that." They all looked at me in amazement, as I began at the +beginning and related all I had felt and suffered. I confessed all my +hard feelings toward Frank, and all my jealousy of Fidelia. It was now +the Doctor's turn to start up in awful indignation. I told him how I had +been led as in his case, to see everything through a false medium, and I +had feared that the affection, she told me they had formerly felt for +each other, had revived to such a degree as to make him regret that the +marriage of both prevented their union. + +The intensity of Joseph's feelings kept him silent. "Well," said uncle, +at length, "Fidelia is rightly punished for her fiendish plot in trying +to alienate your affections from each other." + +"How?" I eagerly inquired. + +He turned to aunt, who said, "I thought it best at the time to say +nothing about it. I merely told them she was gone." + +Uncle resumed his seat, and sitting very erect in his chair, said, "Mr. +Schuyler went out soon after you were taken sick, and has not yet +returned. His wife insisted that we should take no pains to bring him +back. She said she wasn't going to have him think, she would run after +him. But I could see, as hour after hour passed away, she grew anxious +and impatient for his return. This morning, when we were seated at +breakfast, a boy brought a note from him directed to me, in which he +said that before that letter reached us he should be on his way to +Germany, where he intended to pass the rest of his life. He enclosed +fifty dollars for his wife, which he said was all she should ever have +from him, and closed by saying it was her own fault that she had not a +happy home and a devoted husband; and that if she had been willing to +accede to his wishes, she would at least have been the owner of a +handsome estate. That was true," added uncle, "he wished to buy a +beautiful place on the Hudson which he offered to settle upon her, but +she would not consent to live in so retired a situation. I used all my +influence with her to no purpose." + +"Where is she now?" I asked. + +"When she received the note, or rather when I read it to her, and gave +her the money, she was at first very angry, and thought he only wrote it +to frighten her; but I soon convinced her that I thought otherwise, +when she suddenly started for New York, where they had been boarding +since their marriage, in the hope of detaining him." + +Frank looked very thoughtful, but said nothing; and we all sat for a few +moments thinking of the probabilities of her overtaking him, and of her +success in obtaining his forgiveness. I who knew more of his feelings +than any one present, doubted it, but I wisely concluded to keep my +knowledge to myself. + +At length Joseph jumped up, saying, "I should think we were in a Quaker +meeting; let's play 'button, button, who's got the button?'" + +"Wouldn't it be more pleasant," asked Frank, smiling, "to have Cora give +you an account of a Quaker wedding we attended on our way here?" + +"Yes, _yes_, that's just the thing; come let's act it out! Here, Cora, +take my arm, tell me what to say, and I'll repeat it off just like a +book. I believe they always kiss their lady first, don't they? Come, why +don't you stand up and begin. It's placing a bashful young fellow, like +me, in a very embarrassing situation, when his wife that is to be won't +stand with him at the altar." + +Though I could not help laughing, yet I would not consent to "act it +out," as he said, unless Frank would officiate as bridegroom, but as +uncle and aunt both joined in the request to see the ceremony, I +persuaded my husband to gratify them. When we were through, Joseph said, +we were so solemn about it, he felt just as thirsty as if he had been to +a real wedding, and asked if there were not some wine in the house. Aunt +shook her head, but he went out and soon brought in a waiter of wine +glasses, filled however, with lemonade, after which the conversation +passed naturally to other themes. + +The remainder of the week passed delightfully; I gained every day in +health; and the Doctor took me with him to many places of interest in +the vicinity. Fidelia's name had not been mentioned in the week which +had intervened since her departure, except in one remark Frank made to +me on the Monday evening previous. He said, "You probably noticed that I +gave no explanation of many of her statements; and though I deny ever +having felt any affection for her, such as she describes, and hardly +what the relationship warranted, yet I wish to defer any farther +conversation upon the subject until we arrive home." + +I told him, I should be glad to do so, but that I wanted him to promise +me one thing; I was proceeding to tell him what, when he said "Anything, +_everything_; I have the most entire confidence in you, my love." So we +promised each other, that the past should only be remembered as a +warning; we felt that our only security for happiness in the married +relation was, next to our God, in entire confidence in each other, and +we resolved never to lie down at night with one unkind thought treasured +up, which each had not given the other an opportunity to explain. + +On the day before we left aunt Morgan, a letter was received from Mrs. +Schuyler, in which she said, she found on her arrival in New York city, +that her husband had indeed taken passage for Europe, and that on the +whole she considered it the most fortunate thing which could have +happened for her, as his jealous disposition had always prevented her +having any enjoyment. In a postscript she added, that she had been +invited to go to the South and pass the winter with some delightful +acquaintances, she had formed, and that she anticipated great pleasure +in their society. She said, she now considered herself in every respect +as a widow, and hoped her friends would never mortify her by any +allusion to the man, she had called her husband. In a second postscript +she requested that her trunks should be sent to the care of William +Arnold, Esq. + +When aunt had finished reading, Frank and I exchanged glances. That was +the name of Lucy Lee's suitor, and we knew too much of him to expect she +would profit much by his society. + +We left our dear friends early on Tuesday morning, having obtained a +promise from Joseph to make us an early visit. A day or two after we +reached home, I noticed Frank in earnest conversation with mother; after +which he requested me to go to her in the library. I went reluctantly, +for indeed I was now so happy, I cared for no farther explanation. But +as I saw Frank attributed my unwillingness to a wrong cause, I took +Emily's arm and went at once to the library, where mother gave me the +following account. + +Fidelia Lenox was left an orphan at the age of fifteen, and was +immediately received into her uncle's family, and treated in all +respects as their own child. She was one year younger than Frank, and of +course they were constantly in each other's society. But it was not long +before mother perceived that from being willing and apparently pleased +to be with his cousin, Frank avoided her as much as possible, and often +refused positively to accompany her to parties of young people. Mother +did not at first pay much attention to the circumstance until her son's +conduct became so marked as to require a reproof, especially as she +could perceive nothing in the deportment of her niece to elicit such +dislike. She therefore appealed to him as a gentleman that it was in the +highest degree impolite and unkind to treat his cousin otherwise than he +would treat a sister. + +For a long time Frank refused to give any explanation of his conduct; +but at length told his mother that he would agree to treat her as a +sister, if she would be content with that. + +"What can she ask more?" inquired mother, in surprise. + +Frank, like any boy of sixteen, blushed crimson, as he replied, +impulsively: "She is altogether too sentimental for me. She can talk +about nothing but love, and such nonsense. When the time comes for me to +be married, I mean to do the courting myself." + +Mother was silent, from amazement, and tried to recall a single +circumstance to corroborate his statement. "I hardly know how to believe +it of Fidelia," she at length replied. + +"Mother," said Frank "if you do not believe me, enter suddenly and +unexpectedly into the library or anywhere we may chance to be left alone +a moment, and you will see enough." + +"What?" she asked, under her breath. + +"Why, she runs her fingers through my hair, and she sits by me and looks +up in my face in a fawning manner. Bah!" he continued, "it's too +disgusting. If she hears the least sound, she darts back to her seat, +and there she sits as demure and proper as any old maid. I often wish," +he added, half laughing, "she'd get caught at some of her fooleries." + +After this, mother kept a strict surveillance of the conduct of her +niece, and soon became convinced that she was a dangerous companion for +her son, especially as she paid not the slightest regard to truth. She +therefore sent her away to a family-school, where she was under the +constant watch of her teacher. But she could not prevent Frank meeting +her occasionally, as they both spent their holidays at home; and she +confessed to me that she should have shuddered for the virtue of her +son, had he not exhibited such a loathing for the character of his +cousin. The time came when she must leave school, and her conduct had +become so reprehensible that mother would not consent that Emily should +be under her influence; and she has resided, until her marriage, with a +distant relative in the State of New York. + +It was thus that Frank had not met her for several years, and as they +were both married, he had been willing to forget the past, and treat her +at least with kindness. But having had reason to know her want of +principle, he feels he had no excuse for giving heed to her cruel hints +and falsehoods. We have tacitly agreed to let her name be forgotten, and +I devoutly hope I shall never have occasion to remember it. + + +_Tuesday, October 27th._ + +My dear, _dear_ mother, now that I have told you all the sorrows, trials +and follies of the past month, I will turn to other and far more +pleasing themes. My dear little Pauline was almost wild with joy to see +papa and mamma at home again. I found her looking very chubby and rosy, +having gained in strength since the cool weather. + +This season is perfectly charming. It is called the Indian summer. I can +give you no just description of the gorgeousness of the forest trees +with which we are surrounded. As I was riding through a thick grove +yesterday, on my way to Waverley, I could almost imagine myself in fairy +land. The air was mild and balmy as in June, and there was a freshness +and dryness in the atmosphere which was perfectly exhilarating. + +I think I remarked to you near the commencement of my journal, that Mrs. +Munroe, the wife of our clergyman, was absent from town. She returned +while we were away. I called there yesterday, in company with Emily and +Pauline. Mrs. Munroe is rather above the medium height, with a very +intelligent, not handsome, countenance; and a splendid set of teeth. She +impressed me as a very superior lady; there is a dignity, a quiet repose +in her manner which I admire. + +After conversing a few moments, I expressed a wish to see her infant; +when she immediately went out and brought it to the parlor, accompanied +by a sister who is visiting her. I don't think Pauline ever saw a baby +before, and she looked at the little creature with a serious, thoughtful +expression, frequently sighing from the intensity of her feelings. We +all joined in a laugh at her expense. But when the baby began to cry, +poor Pauline started, and grew very red. I didn't like to have her feel +so, and I took the infant into my lap, and put its little soft hand in +hers. When she had felt the velvety flesh, and came to the conclusion +that it was really alive, she was pleased enough; and had to make a +great effort to keep from crying that I did not bring it home with me. + +I made early inquiries on my return as to the present situation of +Squire Lee's family; and was happy to learn that in many respects Lucy's +situation is far more comfortable than formerly. Her father still +continues feeble in body and mind, but he has grown so dependent on his +daughter, and is so pleased with her tender care, that he can hardly +bear her out of his sight. She reads newspapers to him, combs his hair, +and soothes him by the hour together. She hopes soon to interest him in +the Bible, by reading daily, delightful selections from it. I fear the +poor old gentleman has not enough sense to understand, as he often falls +asleep in his chair, lulled by the sound of her sweet voice. + +Joseph Lee has taken up his residence in the city, only returning +occasionally to obtain his father's signature to a check. He swears that +the house is just like a tomb ever since the "old fellow" was taken +sick. As he has the last will safe in his possession, he gives himself +no concern about Lucy. + +A few mornings after my return I requested Ann to build a fire in my +room, while I gave Pauline her morning bath; when she brought up a great +quantity of brush which would light quickly. The sight of this reminded +me of the children, Anna and Willie. I am ashamed to say, that with so +many other subjects to occupy my thoughts my _protegés_ had passed +entirely out of my mind. I inquired concerning them of mother, and +learned that they had made great advances in Phebe's good graces, by +having completely filled the wood shed with the brush, which Cæsar had +chopped early in the season, and had left in the orchard to dry. They +had come regularly day after day, had taken their dinner at the house, +and returned at night carrying a basket of food, or some useful article +to their mother. + +Frank and I are more delighted than we can express with the change in +Emily. To be sure, she never has such high spirits as formerly; but she +is cheerful and affectionate to mother and all of us. + +When I recall to mind the sad forebodings, I had while in B----, +thinking my happiness had gone forever, and then realize what a united, +happy family we are, my heart is ready to burst with gratitude. + +Our + + + "Home is the resort + Of love, of joy, of peace and plenty, where, + Supporting and supported, polished friends + And dear relations mingle into bliss." + + +_Saturday, October 31st._ + +Now that Frank knows my whole heart, I hope he will cease from +self-accusation for what passed at B----. I was sitting at my desk +writing when he came in. I looked up with a smile; but he only made a +faint attempt to return it. I instantly shut my desk, and went unbidden +to sit upon his knee. He put his arm about me, but did not speak. To +divert his thoughts, I asked him about his patients. + +"Cora, my dear wife," said he interrupting me, "I would give all I +possess," ('including _me_,' I whispered,) "if you could open your heart +to me as you do to your mother in that journal." + +"Why, Frank, I will tell you all you would like to know. I can't think +of anything I wish to conceal from you." + +"Isn't there," he asked in an agitated voice, and hiding his face behind +me, "Isn't there, away down at the bottom of your heart a feeling, which +if brought out to the light, would read, 'I think I have been cruelly +insulted by my husband, and I can never love and respect him as I once +did?'" + +"Frank," I exclaimed, starting to my feet, "let me feel your pulse. I +will order draughts for your feet. You surely have had a return of your +giddiness, or you would not insult your wife by such suspicions. When +you are sufficiently recovered to bear it, you shall take the said +journal of which you are so jealous, and retiring to the privacy of the +library, you shall then and there learn all that your wife thinks of +you." + +"Dearest," he replied, "you will do me the greatest favor by allowing me +to peruse that part of it relating to ----." I put my hand to his mouth, +which he held there. Then I went to my desk, and separating the sheets +containing the account of our visit to B----, I put them into his hand. +When he had left the room, I could not help smiling at the look with +which he took the papers. It was something like that of a boy who +anticipates a pretty severe whipping. I began to feel sorry, I had +written so much about jealousy, and feared he would think that I +attached more importance to it than I do; for indeed I love my husband, +if possible, better than ever. + +It was four or five hours before I saw him again, and I started to go to +him, when I heard Cæsar knock repeatedly at the library door without +receiving an answer. I therefore waited with great impatience. At length +my husband came to my room, where Pauline was playing about the floor, +and I knew by his looks, he had been much agitated. I sprang to meet +him, when he clasped me in his arms, saying, "Dearest and best of wives, +tell me again, that you forgive me. How very inhuman I have been!" + +"Are you sorry you read it," I asked? + +"No, _no_!" he replied eagerly, "I thank you more than I can express." + +"Well, then, will you promise never to think of it more?" + +"Yes, except as a powerful motive to be a better, and kinder husband to +the most affectionate and forgiving of wives." He added, "I have prayed, +with the record of your sufferings before me, for pardon and strength +for the future." + +"Dear Frank, did you pray for me too?" + +"Yes, love, I prayed that we might be spared many years; and that each +year we might be increasingly happy in each other, and useful to our +fellow creatures." Then lowering his voice to a whisper, he added, "I +prayed too for one who endeavored to injure us, that she might find +space for repentance." + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + + "Such a house broke! + So noble a master fallen! all gone! and not + One friend, to take his fortune by the arm, + And go along with him." SHAKSPEARE. + + +_Wednesday, November 4th._ + +I have been to the little hut occupied by William Reynolds and family, +to see what had become of the children. Frank thinks it would be well to +put them to school. It shall be my care to provide them suitable +clothing. This, I can depend upon Miss Proctor to assist me in making +up. + +We found the poor woman seated in an old rocking-chair, and looking very +miserable. Her husband beat her badly a few nights since, for +interfering, when he was, as he said, administering proper chastisement +to Willie. Since that time, she can hardly turn her head or see out of +one eye. Her nearest neighbor, hearing a great noise, ran to the house, +and secured William. The next day the same man brought a complaint +against the inebriate for abuse of wife and children, and for refusing +to provide for their support. He is now in the county jail, from which +he is to be carried to the House of Correction for three months. + +In the midst of their poverty, the children are really uncommonly +prepossessing and intelligent. It is easy to see what they would have +been if nurtured in a home of competence and comfort. At the time we +entered, Anna was standing on an old stool behind her mother's chair, +trying to smoother out the long auburn tresses, and twist them under the +cap. I felt no repugnance to the act when I took the broken comb from +her hand, and made a beautiful knot at the back of her mother's head. I +then bathed her poor bruised temple; and promising to do something for +her immediate relief, we left her. + +I have become much interested in the history of this unfortunate family. +Anna, the mother of my _protegés_, is the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. +Ryland who lived in Waverley. Anna was the elder of four children, two +of whom died in infancy, leaving only the subject of this sketch and +Edward her younger brother to crown the hopes of their afflicted +parents. Mr. Ryland was in the possession of a valuable farm, part of +which was left him by his parents; but which he had greatly enlarged and +improved by his own exertions. A new house had been erected on the site +of the old one, and everything in and about it exhibited the appearance +so common among the farmers of New England, of independence, comfort and +respectability. + +Anna and her brother had been educated with care, and after enjoying and +improving the school advantages of the place, they had been sent in turn +to academies at a distance. + +Early in life Anna had become attached and affianced to William +Reynolds, son of a neighboring farmer who was regarded as one of the +most intelligent and enterprising young men in Waverley. Certainly his +noble figure, and bright handsome face, made him a welcome guest, not +only at the Ryland farm, but in every place where he chose to visit. + +Mr. and Mrs. Ryland looked upon William with no little pride as the +betrothed of their daughter, while she was at the same time the +admiration and envy of the young people of her acquaintance. William +Reynolds waited only long enough to be able to erect a neat comfortable +cottage upon a spot of ground in Crawford, which had been his +inheritance from his father's estate before he brought his Anna to be +its presiding genius. + +With Anna, there came to Rose Cottage, as the young bride styled her new +home, wagon loads of the neatest of furniture purchased by her father. +From the neatly finished attic to the well stored cellar, each +apartment received its appropriate part of the new goods. White fringed +curtains nicely looped aside with ribbon, were hung in her spare +chamber, or the one set aside for company, while a gay carpet covered +the floor of the parlor. Beside these two rooms on the lower floor, +there was also a spacious kitchen, and a bed-room opening from it, which +they intended for their own use, while beyond was a large shed +connecting the house and barn. This, the neat housewife secretly +determined, should, at least in summer, serve them for a kitchen, so +that that apartment could be kept more tidy for the eating and sitting +room. + +As soon as they were settled, Anna's brother Edward was to constitute a +part of their family. Not at all desirous to pursue the calling of his +father, Mr. Ryland wisely concluded to allow him to follow the bent of +his inclinations, justly supposing he would rise to greater usefulness +by so doing. It must be supposed, however, that it was no small +sacrifice for these excellent parents to part with their son from under +the parental roof when he obtained a situation in Crawford, even though +he would be under the care and influence of his sister. + +Time passed on. The roses which had been transplanted from the old +place, and which had given the name to their home, grew as if by magic. +In his leisure hours, William under the direction of his tasteful wife, +had made trellises a few feet from the window; and now the luxurious +roses and vines almost reached the top. But within this sweet abode, in +a cradle which had rocked her own infancy, there was indeed a new blown +rose, unfolding its sweetness amidst the most tender care and love. + +William, ever active and industrious, was accounted one of the most +thriving farmers in the place; while Anna by her neatness, and good +housewifery, had so won upon the good will of their employers, that +whoever else returned from market, heavily laden as they went, with +their own produce, William never failed to find customers, eager to +purchase at an advanced price Anna's butter and cheese. + +But about this time a little cloud arose in their horizon. Edward, who +had been rapidly gaining upon the esteem and confidence of his +employers, was by the sudden death of the head of the firm, thrown out +of employment. His services however were eagerly sought as accountant, +and book-keeper, in the great warehouse connected with the distillery, +and belonging to Squire Lee. For a time nothing could be said but in +praise of the new clerk; and the old gentleman, warned by the early +dissipation of Joseph, that he could expect no aid from him, often +hinted to Edward the promise of rapid advancement. But after a few +months, Squire Lee noticed that Edward never tasted spirit of any kind; +and he vowed to himself that he would get rid of a fellow whose conduct +was a standing reproach to his own intemperance and to his business. + +In fact, Ryland would have preferred a different situation, and had +inwardly determined never to be a partner in an employment he could not +approve. At that time, he did not realize as he did afterward, the curse +that would surely follow those who engaged in the manufacture and sale +of ardent spirits for unrighteous purposes. A great press of business +about this period, postponed both in master and clerk, the separation +contemplated. + +Late one Saturday evening, Squire Lee visited his counting-room, where +Edward was busily employed in making up the accounts for the week, that +he might leave them in a state proper for inspection. + +"That's a fine fellow!" said the Squire, clapping his clerk upon the +shoulder, after he had watched him turning over the journal and ledger, +and transferring accounts from one to another with great neatness and +despatch. "That's something like, now!" + +Edward made a passing remark about the amount of business the past week, +and went on with his work. + +"Yes," resumed the Squire, "that's exactly what I came to see you +about. We've engaged a large amount of rum, our very best, to go out +Monday morning; and as we shall make a great profit on it, I mustn't +disappoint the man. He wants it for a new tavern somewhere down in +----." + +Edward looked from his work a moment, as the old gentleman continued, "I +know you like to go home and spend Sunday with the old folks. Some +bright eyes watching for you, I suppose," said he, with a leering +expression, and trying to be facetious, "but the fact is," bringing his +heavy fist down on the desk, "them bills of sale have got to be made +out; and you must give up going home this once, and take an extra day or +so another time to give your gal a ride." + +Young Ryland quietly laid the books upon the table, and turning round to +look his employer full in the face, he said in a firm but respectful +tone, "Squire Lee, I will remain here until midnight, and return at the +same hour to-morrow night; but I have been taught to fear God and keep +his commandments; and nothing could induce me to violate the Sabbath in +the way you mention." + +"Very well, sir," replied the Squire, in a voice of suppressed rage, "we +shall soon see how that is. Don't the Bible teach young men to obey +their masters?" he asked in a sneering tone. "Your parents had better +have taught you _that_ before they sent you here." + +Edward stood perfectly calm and unmoved. + +"If you don't recant, young fellow, and pretty quick too, you've earnt +the last dollar you'll ever earn in my store;" and with a horrible oath +he brought down his fist again upon the desk. + +"In that respect, sir, I can never change," said young Ryland; "I have +endeavored faithfully to do my duty since I have been in your employ. +But, sir, to tell you the truth, I have stretched my conscience in your +service by consenting to be employed in an establishment where liquors +are manufactured; and it will be no disappointment to me to leave at +this time." + +Squire Lee in a frenzy, turned upon Edward with uplifted arm to strike +him to the floor; but there was something in the expression of the young +man's eye, which had not for a moment quailed, that restrained him; and +he contented himself by pouring upon him a volley of abuse, intermingled +with oaths and curses, such as it made Edward shudder to hear. He calmly +turned, closed the books, placed them in the safe, passed the key to the +old gentleman, saying, "In a few moments the business for the week would +have been accounted for. I think you will find all correct, as far as I +had gone." He took his hat and left, before the Squire had recovered his +breath. + +Whether the bills of sale were rendered in due season, or what he +thought of Edward's conduct at that time is not known; but it is certain +that after having in vain tried to fill Edward's place to his liking, +the Squire took pains to ride out to Rose Cottage. He inquired his +whereabouts, expressing a strong desire to get him back. "He was rather +too fanatical about his religion, and all that sort of stuff, but a +smarter, more faithful or accurate book-keeper I never had." + +Mrs. Reynolds informed him that her brother, after leaving his store, +had obtained recommendations from individuals acquainted with him while +in the employ of the other firm, and had gone directly to New York, +where he had speedily procured employment. + +Squire Lee was so much disappointed, that Mrs. Reynolds added, that she +would write to her brother whom it would be very pleasant to her to have +again in her family. + +"Tell him," resumed the Squire, "that I will make his salary just what +he says." + +This visit was the small cloud which gradually overspread the whole +horizon of the gentle Anna Reynolds. That night when her husband +returned home more than usually fatigued from his work, she communicated +to him the purpose of the Squire in his call, expressing at the same +time her conviction that her brother would never consent to return to +his employ. + +"Why couldn't I get the situation?" flashed through William's mind, but +he said nothing to his wife until he had finished his out door work; and +Anna had soothed her baby to sleep, laid it in the cradle--swept the +hearth, and sat down to her sewing, with her foot upon the rocker. + +"What are you thinking of, Willie?" she asked playfully. "You seem to be +looking as earnestly into the fire, as if you were expecting your new +cart and oxen to come walking out of it into the room." + +William smiled as he turned to look at her; and after a moment's +hesitation said, "Wife, I've been thinking it all over, about what +Squire Lee said, and I've about come to the conclusion, to apply for the +situation myself. That is," he continued, seeing her look of +astonishment, "if Edward does not choose to come back." + +Anna gazed intently at him for a moment, and then exclaimed, "William +Reynolds, I really believe you are going mad. Aren't you well?" she +asked, changing her tone. + +William made a faint attempt to laugh as he said, "I expected you'd be +astonished at first; but the fact is, you know I haven't felt well +lately." Anna looked anxious, as this was the first intimation she had +received of his sickness. "And to tell the truth, I always thought it +was a foolish move in Edward to give up such a good place for so +trifling a matter, and it was so pleasant having him here." + +"It was, indeed," replied Anna with a sigh. + +"If the whole must be known," resumed William, "when I went to market, +and had been hawing and geeing all day, and called at the Squire's and +saw Edward sitting there so cozy and comfortable with nothing to do, but +just to write from morning till night; his salary sure, rain or shine, +crops good or bad; I almost envied him." + +"But what could you do with the farm?" interrupted Anna. + +"I could get a man to take care of it. There's Joe Clark would take it +to the halves, and be glad of the chance. I heard him talking so to a +man not more'n a week ago." + +Anna, however, was not easily convinced of the wisdom of this new +movement; and it required all her husband's arguments to induce her to +consent to his making the trial, in case he succeeded in obtaining the +situation. He had when a boy, been at the head of the school in +book-keeping, and had often assisted Edward in his accounts when obliged +to be up late in the employment of the other firm. In representing to +his wife, all the inducements to quit the farm for the counting-room, he +did not mention the fact, that the hands employed by the firm, were +allowed free access to the barrels of New England rum and whisky, piled +up against the walls around the building. Indeed there were generally +kept kegs especially for their use; and for them to treat those who came +in upon business. It was during the frequent calls he had made upon +Edward, that he had imbibed a taste for ardent spirits. Perhaps he +thought this argument would not have much weight with his wife. Perhaps +he was not himself aware of its power over himself, nor of the strength +of his appetite. + +True, it is, that having received a note from his brother-in-law, +positively declining the offer of the Squire, accompanied by a note +recommending him as competent to fill the place, and also a +recommendation from the teacher of the school where he learned the art, +Reynolds sallied forth in quest of Squire Lee. He did not think it +necessary to exhibit to that gentleman, neither did he intend to show +his wife, a kind note from Edward accompanying the other, begging him, +by every motive he could urge, to avoid a place so fraught with danger. +In the most brotherly manner, Edward told him that he had noticed with +fearful anticipations the relish with which, on occasions of his calls +at the distillery, he had accepted invitations to a glass from the +workmen. He also added, that since he had been in New York, he had +ascertained that public sentiment was farther advanced upon the subject +of intemperance than he had supposed, and that the distiller was +beginning to be regarded as an enemy to his brother man. + +"If," he added at the close, "Squire Lee had proposed to take me as an +equal partner into the firm, instead of the offer he made, I would not +for an instant think of accepting it." + +"All this was no doubt well meant in Edward," soliloquized William, as +he walked to the counting room; "but I always knew he was too stiff in +such matters; even Anna says that." But he could not help acknowledging +that his wife, and her parents would view the matter in the same light +as the writer, should they read the letter. So he considered it more +prudent to say nothing about it, as he had made up his mind to take the +situation if he could obtain it. + +Unfortunately for him, and for all connected with him, he did obtain it, +and entered at once upon his new duties; Joe Clark taking his place on +the farm. + +"Somehow," said Anna, "from the very first, everything seemed to go +behind hand. Joe was not so much interested, or at home on the farm as +my William; and then his pay had to come out of the produce, whether we +made little or much; and though my husband satisfied his employers, and +received a good salary, yet I didn't realize much help from it at the +cottage. It also weaned him from home, and got him in a way of staying +out very late at night; and at length _all was gone_; and he mortgaged +our beautiful home to the Squire, when Willie was a baby, telling me he +should soon work and get it back again. But every thing went and _went_, +until I and my babes moved to this old shanty, with little more of my +nice furniture than the bed on which I lie. Even this, I could have +borne, had my husband been left to me. I could work, I would do anything +for them; but I _have no husband_. A man calling himself William +Reynolds lives here; that is, when he is not off on a drunken frolic; +but he is not THE _William Reynolds_ I married." + +It will be readily seen that though William and his wife were, at the +time of their living in Rose Cottage, moral, and upright in their +characters; yet they were not actuated by the religious principles which +were the governing motives of their brother's conduct. But it is to be +hoped, that the death of her parents, together with the sad change in +her own circumstances, had been blessed to the afflicted woman. +Certainly she has been most careful to instil religious principles into +the minds of her children. + +"But where," I asked, "is Edward, her brother?" + +"He has never been to Crawford since the death of his parents. William +was very angry at his brother's interference, as he termed it, in +matters which did not concern him; and Anna has not heard from him for +several years." + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + + "There are smiles and tears in the mother's eyes, + For her new born babe beside her lies; + Oh, heaven of bliss! when the heart o'erflows + With the rapture a _mother_ only knows." HENRY WARE, JR. + + +_Tuesday, April 19th, 1836._ + +DEAREST MOTHER,--Though it has been many a long month since I have had +the heart to write in my journal, I cannot let the anniversary of my +marriage and departure from home pass away, without at least a few words +to the dear family at home. My breath comes quickly, and my tears blind +me when I think, they may be _my last_. Often my heart sinks, and my +spirit faints, as I look forward with an undefined sense of dread to the +future. Sometimes I am enabled to look up with trust and confidence to +"Him who doeth all things well;" and by faith to take hold of the +precious promises peculiarly addressed to me. + +I am blessed with a devoted husband; a watchful and tender mother, and +an affectionate sister. When I think of these mercies, I can only say, +"surely my cup runneth over." + +Dear mother, I need not ask your prayers for your daughter. I know that +I am remembered whenever you approach the throne of grace---- + +My pen dropped from my hand. I was with you in spirit at the hour of +family prayer. I saw again my own loved and honored father in his arm +chair, near the table, where open before him lies the sacred page. Near +by sit my dear mother and sisters, while on the opposite side of the +room, are our faithful Jennie and her associates, waiting for the daily +instruction, they are in the habit of receiving. When all is still, a +chapter is read. Isabel strikes softly the notes of the organ, while all +join in a hymn of praise; then my dear father in a simple, trustful +manner, lays the wants of each one of the bowed circle before our +Heavenly Father. + + + "The voices of my home! I hear them still! + They have been with me through the dreamy night-- + The blessed household voices, wont to fill + My heart's clear depths with unalloy'd delight." + + +Ah! beloved mother, my spirit melts as I feel assured that I am not +forgotten; the dear child who has gone out from the shelter of the +parental roof, who lives beyond the mighty waters; for her and her +husband, are invoked the choicest of heaven's blessings; strength, +support, and comfort, for every hour of need. Thus let me feel, your +prayers ever ascend. Father, mother, sisters, _farewell_! + + + "_Crawford, May 2d, 1836._ + + "HONORED PARENTS, + + "I am most happy to inform you that after a protracted, and + somewhat dangerous illness, my dear wife gave birth to a fine boy, + at half past six this morning. My heart is full of gratitude for + the mercy which has spared the life of my beloved Cora, and given + us so precious a treasure. + + "Dutifully and affectionately your son, + + "FRANK LENOX." + + "_P.S., May 6th_,--Mother and child are doing well. Cora looks very + smiling, as she lies gazing at her sleeping babe. She says, tell + them I am very, _very_ happy." + + +_Thursday, November 10th._ + +Beloved mother, how I long to exhibit to you and to all at home, my +beautiful boy, my chubby, rosy Walter. He is everything a mother's heart +could desire, gifted with every faculty of body and mind, to make him a +useful member of society. Yet when I realize that I have given birth to +one whose soul can never die, I shrink from the fearful responsibility. +Yet I am not alone. There is a fountain of wisdom and knowledge from +which I am permitted freely to draw. + +I am almost too happy. I have a dear husband whose steps become more +quick and elastic; whose eye grows more bright whenever he approaches +his home, his wife, his sweet little daughter Pauline, and his darling, +frolicsome _boy_-baby. Walter knows his father's step right well, and +almost springs out of my arms as he opens the door and advances to take +him from me. + +Nothing can be more tender than Pauline's fondness for her little +brother. Without a word, she yields her choicest toys, or stands for him +to pull her curls. This is master Lenox's richest sport. It is sport, +however, which I have forbidden. He must learn, even thus early in life, +to respect the rights of his yielding sister, or he will tyrannize over +her. I prophesy no small trouble from this source, for not only is she +willing to be deprived of whatever she has in her hand, but if I say +"_No_, Walter, that is sister's," the affectionate child, in her rich +musical voice, pleads, "Please, mamma, let Pauline give brother. Pauline +don't want now." + +Mother, and sister, are very proud of the young Lenox, who, they fondly +imagine, will add much to the honor of their name. Indeed he is a true +Lenox, and already asserts his authority over every one of the family, +most of whom yield obedience to him far too readily. + + +_Friday, December 30th._ + +For a few days Pauline has not been well. I feel quite anxious; she has +heretofore enjoyed uniform health. She coughed very hard last night. Her +father thinks she has taken a cold which will soon pass away. I have +allowed Ann to take most of the care of Walter, so that I can devote +myself to my little girl. + +Walter has gained a great victory over Ann, of which he does not fail to +make the most. He now appears to realize that she is completely under +his control, and insists upon having his own way whenever with her. I +wish she were more decided with him. She would have far less trouble. +When his wishes conflict with mine, he yields at once. Instead of the +loud crying, and throwing his head back, which so frightens his nurse, +he looks in my face to see if I am in earnest, and then pleasantly turns +to something else. I have been telling Frank, it is high time for him to +assert his authority; but he begs off. He drives into the yard, springs +up the stairs to the nursery, catches up his boy and gives him a ride +upon his shoulder, or upon his back, gets him into a great frolic, and +then he is off. Sometimes it takes me half an hour to restore quiet. +Frank says his mother always managed him, and he thinks such duties +belong to the mother. + +I told him, I really believed he dared not make the attempt for fear he +could not carry it out. He only laughed and went out of the room, saying +he would try his skill on Pauline. Dear child, she loves her father so +dearly that the thought of displeasing or disobeying him, would never +enter her heart. She is now quietly sleeping, and I hope will awake +refreshed. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX. + + "Kindness has resistless charms, + All things else but weakly move; + Fiercest anger it disarms, + And clips the wings of flying love." ROCHESTER. + + +_Saturday, December 31st._ + +DEAR MOTHER,--I must not forget to tell you that I received a call in +the parlor yesterday from Mrs. Thomas Jones. She was dressed so +differently that at first I hardly knew her. Thomas and his wife after a +suitable time for examination and trial, made a public profession of +religion in our church; and have since conducted themselves and their +household in such a manner as to give the strongest evidence of the +sincerity of their profession. + +Mrs. Jones called to see me with reference to William Reynolds, for whom +both she and her husband feel a lively interest; and from her I received +these incidents. Mrs. Reynolds with her interesting children, was long +ago removed to a decent tenement in the village, where she has supported +herself comfortably by her skill as a tailoress. During the past year +she has seen nothing of her husband, who wandered away when released +from his confinement. + +Now he has returned, pale and haggard, worn out in body and mind. He +loitered around the streets all one day, not daring to ask for his +family. At length, Thomas met him and took him to his own home. + +"I could not but think," said the kind-hearted woman with tears starting +to her eyes, "of the time when my husband used to return from a drunken +frolic, looking pretty near as forlorn as he. But Thomas brushed him +up, and we made him look as smart as we could, though we couldn't +restore the ruddy cheeks, or the bright eyes he used to have; and then I +jest stepped over to Anna Reynolds's. She was a sitting so kind o' +comfortable hearing her little girl read a nice book, she got from +Sabbath-school, while Willie was whittling into a basket, that I +couldn't help feeling kind o' guilty, to think how soon the errand, I'd +come on might destroy all her peace. For you know, her husband had been +gone so long she'd got settled like to have him away. But I knew who was +waiting at home, and so I made bold to walk in. + +"'Good evening, Miss Reynolds,' I says. + +"She looked up as pleasant as could be, and says she,'good evening, Miss +Jones,' and then she got up and set me a chair by the fire. I allus said +she was a born lady, and so is her little Anna. After all I didn't know +how to bring in my message, and I begun to wish I hadn't come, for fear +she'd faint away or something. She looked up from her work while I was +trying to think how I could begin, and says she, 'can't you stop and +spend the evening?' + +"'Oh! no,' says I, 'I'm expected home. Miss Reynolds,' says I, my heart +beating so I was feared she'd hear it, 'who do you think's over to our +house?' + +"'I can't say indeed,' says she. Then she smiled and asked, 'has Samuel +returned?' + +"'No' says I, 'but your husband has' and with that I burst right out a +crying, I couldn't help it, I'd tried to keep in so long. Miss Reynolds +turned jest as white as a sheet; and her work fell out of her lap to the +floor. 'Oh, dear!' says I, 'I didn't mean to tell you of it so sudden.' + +"'Is it true?' says she, whispering with her white lips; her voice was +clean gone. + +"'Yes, 'tis true,' says I, 'Thomas brought him home when he came from +work,' and then I was jest a going to tell her that he was a sitting +with one of Thomas's coats on a waiting to see her; but somehow I +thought that wouldn't be just the thing. + +"'Is he himself?' she asked. + +"'He's all right,' says I, meaning here, raising her hand to her head,' +but he isn't very well.' + +"She started right up, and took her bonnet and shawl down from a nail, +and said, 'come' before I could hardly think what to do next. She almost +flew across the road and up the lane. I had to run all the way to keep +up. She stopped a minute in the entry to kind o' prepare herself, and +then I opened the door; and them two sprang right into each other's +arms. I declare, I acted like a fool, and stood behind the door crying +as hard as ever I could, I was so astonished. She started and pushed him +off a little to see if it was really her own husband, and then she +hugged him tighter'n ever. + +"'Anna,' says William, when he could speak, wiping his eyes with an old +rag of an handkercher, 'can you forgive me all?' + +"'Yes, _all_,' says she, 'if you'll only be my own William again,' and +then she took his hand to lead him home. 'You'll hardly know the +children,' says she. + +"He put on the old slouched thing, he called a hat, when he suddenly +bethought himself he'd got on Thomas's best coat, almost bran new; and +with that he begun to pull it right off. But Thomas wouldn't let him. +'Reynolds,' says he, 'if you'll promise to be a good husband to her, as +I know you will be, if you'll let rum alone, I'll make you welcome to +it.' + +"William snatched hold of his hands as if he was going to cry, and says +he, 'I don't dare to promise, oh, how I wish I could!' + +"'Well, _well_,' says Thomas, 'I'll see you again,' for he thought +'twa'n't just the time to say more. I couldn't help feelin proud o' my +man, then, though I'm 'fraid 'twas kind o' wicked.'" + +Kind Mrs. Jones! she was obliged to stop and find her +pocket-handkerchief. The tears were streaming down her honest face, and +I must confess, I wept with her. She resumed, "The next morning Anna +came in and brought the coat all wrapped up in a towel, and says she, 'I +thank your kind husband, Miss Jones, but William will soon be able to +earn himself a coat with my help.' + +"I urged her to keep it, and told her we both made her welcome to it, +for I know what it is to want help and to _have_ it too. But no, she +wouldn't take it, and with that I asked her to wait a minute, and I ran +up garret where Thomas had a good warm overcoat a little too small, and +I'd laid it by to make Samuel one out of it. 'Here, Miss Reynolds,' says +I, 'is a coat,'tain't no kind o' use to Thomas, 'cause it's too small; +and I want the nail desprit bad, where it hung, so I'll be behoven to +you, if you'll give it house room.' + +"'Oh, Miss Jones,' says she, 'I can see through your kindness, and I +shall be very grateful for the coat,' and so she took it and went home. +Now Thomas and I have been putting our heads together to get some work +for Reynolds, so he wont have to go to the distillery for it. And at +last we concluded to ask the Doctor's advice." + + +_Monday, March 6th, 1837._ + +How little I thought when I wrote last that so long a time would pass +before I should write again. I should hardly prove a very good +correspondent, did not Frank fill up and make amends for all my +deficiencies. + +The sickness of Pauline, which, I think, I mentioned in my last, and +which probably reached you more than a month since, proved to be the +worst kind of measles. We were very much alarmed for a time, as they did +not come out; and the poor child was burning up with fever. + +I kept Walter over at mother's for more than a fortnight, while Emily +remained here to assist me in the care of the little sufferer. Even when +her face was so much swollen as to close her eyes, she was patient and +gentle as a lamb. "Dear mamma," she would say, "will God let me see my +little brother again? Please ask God to make me well quick; this don't +make Pauline's face feel nice." + +When she had repeatedly begged that Walter might be brought to the bed +where she could hear his voice, I explained to her that we feared, if he +came, he would be sick too, and his eyes just like hers. After this, the +patient sufferer with true self-denial, said, "Mamma, won't you be sick +too? I will try to lie still if you can't come. I want to get well to +see my brother, but he mustn't come here, because he will take the sick +too," she repeated to every one after this. + +Frank began to grow seriously alarmed, as week after week passed away, +and she had nearly recovered from the effects of the measles, to find +that her cough still continued. He feared lest her lungs might be +affected. From being a very plump, rosy child, she had become extremely +pale and thin. Her eyes looked unnaturally large and thoughtful. Her +complexion which in health is the richest brunette, was almost sallow. I +felt that she was growing too mature. Her questions were so serious and +showed so much thought, that I would often catch her in my arms, and +feel that I could not give her up. I saw that Frank watched her very +closely, and administered to her with the tenderest care. But I dared +not ask him what he thought. + +"Mamma," said Pauline one day, "will you please teach me a little hymn?" + +"Why, my love!" I asked, struck by the expression of her countenance. + +"I want more hymns to say in the night. I have said 'Mary had a little +lamb,' and 'I knew a little cottage girl,' and all my other hymns, and +then I say 'Now I lay me' a great many times over, because that's so +short, and I want to learn more." + +"But, Pauline, why don't you shut your eyes, and go to sleep?" + +"I do shut my eyes, mamma; but they won't stay shut, and the moon looks +so bright, I like to see it. Then I say, 'God made the sky that looks +so blue.' Is there a hymn, mamma, about the moon?" + +I taught her "twinkle, twinkle little star," but with a sad weight at my +heart. That night I took Frank alone, and asked him if he knew Pauline +lay awake at night repeating hymns. + +He tried to turn away as he replied that he had often heard her +whispering to herself. + +"Frank," said I, detaining him, "tell me, do you think her dangerously +ill?" + +"Oh, no, not now!" + +But I insisted upon knowing the worst, and seeing my fears were fully +aroused, he confessed that he had been anxious about her cough. "I would +give a good deal to know," said he, as if speaking to himself; "whether +her family were consumptive." + +"Husband," said I, catching hold of his arm, "I had really forgotten +that the child was not my own;" and then the word _consumptive_ struck +like a fearful knell upon my heart. + +"Cora," said the Doctor, "you take it too seriously. Pauline has always +appeared to have an excellent constitution; I really am not at all sure +that this is not the remains of the measles, only aggravated from other +causes. I intend to take her out in the open air, just as soon as these +bleak winds have gone." On the whole I felt relieved by this +conversation. + + +_Tuesday, March 7th._ + +Joseph Morgan has come to make the long promised visit. He has become +very much attached to his cousin Emily, and seems to feel that as he +must have fun with somebody, it will be safer to take one who has no +husband to call him to account. Sister, I will venture to say, has not +laughed so much for a long, _long_ time. He has evidently indulged no +small curiosity to see Pauline; but though he will not of course say +anything to wound my feelings, yet it was plain enough to see, he +thought much more of a lively game at romps with Walter, than he did of +trying to draw out Pauline, timid and retiring, as she always appears +before strangers. + +The little fellow will not allow his cousin one moment's peace when in +the house. He creeps across the floor in a twinkling, climbs up to +Joseph's knee, and by expressive pulls and gestures, signifies his wish +that his cousin should instantly get down upon the carpet for a play. If +this goes on, I shall soon be obliged to have new furniture. Chairs and +lounges tumble over, and my work-basket has received a terrible wound in +the side, through which I am constantly losing scissors, thimble, and +cotton. Joseph expresses great sorrow, but in ten minutes does the same +again. I try to look grave, and call Ann to put the room in order; but +before I am aware, I am laughing until the tears roll down my cheeks. + + +_Monday, March 20th._ + +Pauline has become quite free with her cousin, and goes directly to him +when he calls her to sit on his knee. It is amusing to hear him talk +with her. While with every one else he will have his joke, so that Cæsar +opens his mouth to its fullest extent in anticipation, yet with Pauline +he is grave and gentle, and never makes fun of what she says. He told me +once, when she was absent from the room, that he must mind his ps and +qs, for he heard her telling Phebe part of a foolish story, he had told +Emily in her hearing. Phebe laughed as if she did not believe it, when +Pauline said earnestly, "You mustn't laugh, Phebe, my cousin said so." + +Phebe said, "Oh! misse, he's only fooling." + +Pauline didn't understand that, and turning around saw him. "Here he +is!" she exclaimed triumphantly, "will you please tell Phebe, you did +say that." + +Joseph confessed he was decidedly confused. "She looked so earnest and +solemn with those large eyes of hers. I wouldn't like her to catch me +fibbing. I couldn't look her in the face for a month. By the way, coz, +have you ever found out her parentage? She speaks when occasion +requires, like a princess. You should have heard her reprove Phebe for +laughing." + +I hinted to Joseph that I disliked to hear any allusion to Pauline's +parentage. + +"It is a great wonder," said he, "that I did not blab it right out." + + +_Tuesday, March 21st._ + +To-day has been mild and pleasant as summer. Joseph, who is a skilful +equestrian, rode up to the door, waiting for Cæsar to bring the riding +whip. Pauline stood with her little face pressed close to the window, at +the imminent hazard of flattening her nose. Joseph motioned to me to +throw up the sash. I did so, setting down the child from the chair. + +"Let Pauline come," said he. + +I shook my head. + +"It will do her good; the day is delightful; dress her warm, and let her +come. I'll bring her back safely." + +I turned in doubt to the child, when she put her hand in mine, while a +bright flush passed over her face. "Please, mamma," she said, "I should +like to go with my cousin." + +This decided me, and nodding assent from the window, I hastened to +prepare her for the ride. Cæsar took her in his arms and gave her to +Joseph; but he was not yet ready. He asked Cæsar, if there were not +somewhere about the premises, a soft cushion suitable for a princess to +ride upon. + +Pauline gave him a quick look from under her long lashes. + +"Well," said he, correcting himself--"for a nice little girl." He gently +placed her before him, held her tightly with one arm, and nodding adieu, +they rode away. But Joseph forgot himself again before he reached the +gate, and shouted back, "You need not expect us till night." + +"Oh! please cousin don't stay so long, mamma would be very anxious," +and she looked distressed. + +Joseph turned the horse at once, rode back to the door where we still +stood looking after them, and motioning me to come to the step, said, +"We shall probably be absent about half an hour." + +I smiled. + +"Dear coz," he resumed, "I hope you'll have something warm for me when I +return. I fancy, I shall be black and blue inside here, trying to +conform my conversation to my companion's strict sense of propriety." + +It was nearly an hour, however, before they returned, and Pauline's eyes +were so bright, her cheeks and lips so red that I gazed at her with +admiration. When in answer to my question, whether she had enjoyed +herself, she replied that she had had a beautiful time, and that her +cousin "talked to her so good." He said with a bow, "I am more than +repaid for all my efforts at self-control." + + +_Thursday, March 23d._ + +Another beautiful day, and another ride for Pauline. Her father is much +encouraged already. She ate with more appetite yesterday than since her +sickness. We have elected Joseph assistant physician to the Doctor, and +he is to take the patients to ride when that is prescribed. + +He said, "I always knew that sometime or other, the right kind of +employment would come to me, if I only had patience to wait for it. Now +duty and inclination point the same way, my course is clear." Instead of +a sign, Joseph is to take Pauline upon the horse, and ride back and +forth through the town, when he has no doubt applications will flow in +upon him like a flood. + +Though this dear cousin is to appearance such a harum-scarum sort of a +fellow, yet I feel assured he is not without his serious moments, when +he realizes that it is "not all of life to live." How can it be +otherwise, educated as he has been. From his birth, daily prayer has +been offered in his behalf. I am well convinced, that he often puts on +this kind of foolery, as he calls it, for a cover to deeper feelings. I +told him to-day that Pauline, (who always frames her own petitions,) had +prayed for him, and thanked God for giving her such a nice cousin, and +letting her take such beautiful rides. I told him I sometimes heard her +whispering to herself when she took a tiny chair her father gave her, +"thank you God for my pretty chair." + +Joseph looked very serious and said, "I should value her prayers far +more than those of many professing Christians I could name. Why, coz," +he added after a pause, "I never saw such a little matter of fact thing +in my life. If she goes on so, I prophesy people around her will have to +walk straight. I thought at first that she was tame; but she has plenty +of spirit, only that she keeps it under control. Yes," he added, warming +with the subject, "I have seen her eye flash, and her cheeks burn for an +instant, and then it would all be over, and she would speak in the +gentlest, sweetest voice imaginable. It sounds like Italian music." + + +_Friday, March 24th._ + +This morning after prayers, cousin came to the nursery door and knocked. +I was hearing Pauline repeat her letters, after which I often tell her a +Bible story. He sat down quietly until I had finished. "Cousin Cora," +said he, "I don't believe I shall ever be good; I've tried, and tried, +since I have been here; I resolve every night I will be better, but I go +on just the same." + +I confess that for a moment, I did not know what reply to make. Pauline +had not left my side; she opened wide her large eyes, and looked first +at me and then at her cousin. After a moment, she walked across to the +place where he sat and put her hand in his. "Dear cousin, if you pray to +God, he will tell you how to be good, and mamma will pray for you." + +The tears started to Joseph's eyes, as he kissed the little hand in his, +and went quickly out of the room. + +An hour or two afterward, two young gentlemen from the village called +to invite him to join them in an excursion to the lake. I was much +pleased with this attention to my cousin, and accepted their invitation +in his name. But to my astonishment Joseph, when sent for from the +cottage, declined the courtesy with many thanks, upon the plea of a +previous engagement. I looked at him for an explanation, little thinking +the promise of a ride he had made Pauline, would be in his mind a +sufficient excuse. + +He read my look. "You know, Cora," he said, turning to me, "it would be +awkward for me to be sued for a breach of promise." + +The young gentlemen soon departed to join their party, and he turned to +leave the room. "I cannot bear to have you give up so pleasant an +excursion," said I, detaining him, "especially on Pauline's account. I +had just before you came in, told them you would be delighted to +accompany them." + +"I should be far more delighted," he answered, "to give my sweet little +cousin pleasure, and I had promised her the ride." No more was said at +the time. Cæsar led the horse around to the door, ready saddled and +cushioned; and the child was almost in an ecstasy of delight. She had +really begun to look like her former self, and my hopes rose high for +her permanent recovery. She looked really brilliant as she stood +equipped waiting for Joseph; her eyes danced with joy, and her whole +face was radiant with happiness. + +"Am I not well paid, coz?" said the young man glancing at the little +figure before him. + +"You are very kind," I replied, "I shall not soon forget it." + +A shade passed over his face, and he turned back as if about to speak, +but checked himself, and taking Pauline in his arms, placed her on the +horse, then with a light bound sprang to her side and rode away. The +weather is still mild and warm, and as Ann was busy, I took Walter in +his wagon, and drew him around the garden, calling at grandmamma's. The +young lad began to be very sleepy, and I was about returning to the +house, when the equestrians returned. Joseph left Pauline inside the +door, and Cæsar coming forward to lead the horse, he hastened to meet +me. + +Quietly taking the handle of the carriage he said gravely, "Cousin Cora, +I fear you will despise me for what I am going to say, but I can't help +it. I sha'n't feel right until I've made a clean breast of it." + +As I looked inquiringly, but made no reply he went on, "I deceived you +this morning by allowing you to suppose that I was so careful to redeem +my promise to Pauline, that I denied myself the pleasure of an excursion +upon the lake. Now, I suppose if I had felt inclined to go, I should not +have hesitated a moment on that account. But to tell you the truth, I +was heartily glad of an excuse." + +"But why? I should have supposed that you of all others would have +entered into such a frolic." + +For a few moments he made no reply, and we reached the door. He +intimated that he would like to go the round again; and putting my arm +in his, we walked silently on, as master Walter was soundly sleeping. + +"Cora," said he at length, "for a few days I have been more miserable +than I can tell you. I want to begin life anew; but I don't know how. +All connected with this dear family are usefully and happily employed +while I have only lived heretofore to please myself. Though I resolve, +and _re_-resolve, I am no better. Even little Pauline has a principle +and strength within her to which I am a stranger. Can't you help me, +Cora?" + +I had never seen Joseph so earnest, and I lifted up my heart for wisdom +to direct me, that I might speak a "word in season." I then endeavored +in my feeble, imperfect way, to direct my inquiring cousin to the +fountain of all strength. I told him while he depended upon himself to +keep the resolutions, he formed, he would necessarily fail. But aware as +he expressed himself to be of his inability to help himself, if he +would humbly and earnestly beseech God for Christ's sake to help him, +God would certainly answer his prayer. + +"I have tried to pray," he replied, much agitated. "I have always been +taught to repeat prayers, but last night I could not sleep, and I got up +and tried to pray, but I found no answer. Nothing assured me that I was +heard." + +"Do not despair, dear cousin. Pray again. I wish you would talk with the +Doctor. He would direct you so much better than I can." This, I said, as +I saw Frank approaching, having looked in vain through the house for us. + +"As you please," he replied with a deep sigh, "but I fear it will do no +good." I left him with the carriage, and approaching my husband told him +in a few words the substance of our conversation, and requested him to +invite Joseph to the library. I then ran forward to call Ann to take +Walter up to his crib. + +Joseph looked very much embarrassed for a moment; but I knew the Doctor +would deal very tenderly with him, and at the same time that he would go +to the root of the matter, and I anticipated much good from the +interview. + +Frank came to my room but for a moment, before he rode away. I saw that +the time had not passed without strong emotion on his part. I have as +yet had no opportunity to ask him about it. + + +_Monday, March 27th._ + +Yesterday I was glad to notice the unusual solemnity of Joseph's manner +at church. He is a dear, noble-hearted fellow, and I cannot but hope the +prayers of his pious parents in his behalf will be answered. I must +confess, I have sometimes thought they were too indulgent in their +training, and allowed him altogether too much money. Considering how +entirely he has been for many years his own master, and how much he has +been petted at home, I think he is wonderfully free from faults, +especially from that selfishness, prodigality, and disregard of the +wishes of others which is too often the result of such training. + + +_Tuesday, April 4th._ + +Our dear cousin Joseph has this morning left us. I trust his visit here +will be of permanent use to him. He expressed his determination to enter +at once into some useful employment, saying be had idled away quite too +many years of his life. I was struck with the difference between Pauline +and Walter in expressing their sorrow at his leaving. The latter +screamed as loud as his lungs would allow, and would hardly leave his +cousin to come to me. Pauline with a tearful eye, and flushed cheek, +stood quietly by until he kissed her farewell, when her lip quivered, +but she made no noisy demonstration of her sorrow. I saw that this +silent grief went straight to Joseph's heart. He turned back, pressed +her tightly in his arms for a moment, said something to her in a low +voice and was gone. + + + + +CHAPTER XX. + + "The feeling of a parent never dies + But with our moral nature; all in vain. + The wretch by cold and cruel spurning tries + To change that love to hate." PERCIVAL. + + +_Afternoon._ + +Emily received to-day a hastily written note from Lucy Lee, requesting +her to call as soon as possible. I long to know what has happened. The +Doctor visits the old gentleman once in a few weeks. Perhaps I have not +told you that he has several times met Allen there. I am afraid Joseph +has come home, and found out that he has renewed his visits. + + +_Wednesday, April 5th._ + +I was entirely wrong in my fears about Lucy. She had received a letter +from a physician in the city who was called to Joseph, and who says he +is now so ill, that he deemed it advisable to notify his family. Lucy +inferred from the account, which was rather guarded, that it was an +attack of the delirium tremens, brought on by his late excesses, +hastened perhaps by the fact of his leaving home the last week extremely +angry because his father refused to advance him any more money. Joseph +ascribed it to Lucy's influence over the old man, and vowed revenge. + +The forgiving sister no sooner heard of the dangerous illness of her +brother, than she wished to go to him. She could not endure the thought +of his being left alone in his sickness. Emily encouraged her to go at +once, and offered to remain with her father, to which her friend +gratefully acceded. + +The Doctor whom they consulted, advised them to tell the Squire frankly +where she was going, as if it resulted as they feared, he must then be +told. + +During the long, _long_ months of his confinement, Frank had observed a +gradual softening of the old gentleman's feelings, not only toward his +daughter, but upon religious subjects. He thinks that the daily reading +of the Scriptures by Lucy and also witnessing in her every-day life the +religion of Jesus so beautifully exemplified, has produced a good effect +on the heart so long hard and obdurate. Frank readily undertook to +prepare his patient for the temporary absence of his daughter, while +Emily assisted her in making arrangements for her immediate departure. + +Nor was the Doctor disappointed. Squire Lee was indeed shocked at the +dangerous condition of his son and heir; but he instantly sent for Lucy, +and desired her to consult her own feelings and sense of duty relative +to joining him. She took a most affectionate leave of her father, whose +sorrow at parting with her might seem uncalled for, were it not +remembered that the dear girl had been for a long time his sole +companion, his nurse, daughter, friend and comforter. Her couch occupies +a room where she is within the sound of his voice; and it is not at all +unusual for her to arise at midnight to administer to him or to read a +few soothing words to allay the restlessness which is almost invariably +an accompaniment of a complaint like his. + + +_Thursday, April 6th._ + +Mother will remain with me during Emily's absence. Pauline continues to +gain in health and strength. I was very much affected last night at her +tenderness of feeling. She was kneeling by my side to say her prayers +before retiring, when all at once she stopped and began to sob. + +"My dear little daughter, why do you cry?" + +"Dear Mamma," she replied, still sobbing, "my cousin told me when he was +going away, that I must pray every night, that God would help him to +become a good man; and when I was going to ask God, I remembered that +Joseph had gone, and it made me cry." She looked very earnestly at me as +she inquired, "Isn't my cousin good, mamma?" + +"I hope he is, my love," I answered, as I thought of his parting request +to the dear child. + +I was making a few purchases in the village this morning, when I felt +some one slightly pulling my dress. I turned around and saw the sweet +face of Anna Reynolds, lighted up with such a joyous expression, that it +sent a warm gush of feeling through my heart. + +"Please, Mrs. Lenox, excuse me," said she in a low tone and with far +more than all the grace of a lady of the court. "I saw you here, and I +desired to tell you how very happy we all are at home. My father has +come back;" and she reached up to whisper, "he never drinks rum now, and +we all go to church together. Mother says, who knows but Willie and I +may live in Rose Cottage yet? You know that was once our home." + +I requested her to wait a moment while I paid for my purchases, and then +I took her hand and walked part of the way with her. + +From her simple story, I learned in addition to what I already knew, +that through the kindness of Thomas Jones, her father had procured +steady employment for the summer with a farmer in the neighborhood, +where he was entirely free from temptation. I warmly sympathized with +Anna's delight at having a father. She had never before known the +happiness. + +I came home and told Frank the good news of the happiness of the +Reynolds family. When I informed him that Thomas Jones had procured him +work away from temptation, and had given him a whole suit of clothes so +that he could go to meeting, he was very busy reading; but he looked up +in a minute as if he had heard all, and with a queer look, said he was +glad I knew how to rejoice with those that rejoiced, as well as to weep +with those that weep. + + +_Saturday, April 8th._ + +Lucy Lee returned rather unexpectedly last evening. Her brother Joseph +did not know her; and the physician thought it not safe for her to be +there. To say the least, it was exceedingly unpleasant to the dear girl. +There were no women to be seen in the establishment. It required the +strength of two men to manage him during his fits of frenzy. Lucy wept +as she confessed she could have submitted to every inconvenience to be +with him, were it not for his horribly profane and lewd conversation. He +seemed living over again midnight scenes of debauchery. "Oh! _Oh!!_" +exclaimed the poor weeping girl, "I never imagined anything half so +awful." She only saw her brother twice, once on the morning and again in +the afternoon of the day of her arrival. She said, even the attendants +who were used to such scenes, confessed that they had never witnessed +one half so bad. + +Emily came home early this morning, and has interested us much in her +account of Squire Lee. She says, it is hard for her to realize that he +is the same man who so cruelly spurned his innocent, trembling daughter +from his feet, so lovingly does he now speak to her. + +At the usual hour for him to hear reading, Emily brought out the Bible +and began the story of Christ's sufferings and death. Chapter after +chapter was called for and listened to with breathless interest. When +Emily closed the book, he looked around as if missing something, and +sister saw his eye rest on a book of prayer. She arose and brought it to +him, not exactly understanding what was expected. He shook his head. + +"Would you like to hear a prayer?" He bowed his assent, and turning to +the prayer for the day of the week, and kneeling near him, she read +aloud. + +His right hand supported his head, and when sister arose, the tears were +trickling through his fingers and down upon his cheeks. Several times, +she heard him say, "poor Joseph, soul and body--lost by rum--God +forgive me." Many similar expressions fell from his lips. + +Allen came in every day during Lucy's absence, and Emily thought that +the old gentleman received pleasure from his visits. He was a great +assistance to her in changing the position of the sufferer, whose left +side is so paralyzed as to render it impossible for him to raise himself +from the easy chair in which he sits. + +One incident which occurred I must not omit. Squire Lee made a remark to +which Emily naturally replied, "from what I remember of Mrs. Lee, Lucy +very much resembles her mother." + +This led to the mention of the portrait in the parlor. The old gentleman +sighed, for he remembered how touchingly his kneeling daughter had +appealed to it when he was last below. "I should think," said Emily, +"Lucy would have it hung there, where you can see it from your chair," +pointing to a vacant place on the wall. + +After a moment's pause, he replied, "since it has been changed to the +new frame I have not thought it as natural." Joseph had purchased and +brought from the city some years since massive and heavy frames, and the +sweet face so subdued and tender looked out of keeping with its +surroundings. + +After a few moments, Emily called the attendants to remain with her +patient, and hastening to Mrs. Burns, asked if the old frames to the +portraits were in existence. Together they ascended to the garret, found +the very article for which they were searching, packed away with old +rubbish. Almost trembling at her own daring, she carried it below, +removed the picture from its massive frame with the ready assistance of +the house-keeper, and soon had it replaced in its old case. The question +now was how to get it into the room. + +Mrs. Burns said, "Lucy would never dare to propose the thing to her +father. She has been trodden upon so long, she has no will of her own." +Determined to carry out her plan, now that she had gone so far, Emily +arranged the cord and tassel so that she could hang it up in an instant, +and setting it down at the door of the room, returned to her charge. +She playfully suggested to him the idea of a look from the window, and +wheeled the chair around for that purpose, when quickly catching the +frame from its hiding place, she suspended it from the nail before the +sick man had noticed her absence from his side. She stood by him combing +his thin, gray locks until her heart began to beat more freely, and then +wheeling the chair back to its usual place, awaited with no little +trembling, the result of her project. She now magnified in her own mind +the oft repeated necessity for perfect quiet and freedom from +excitement. + +She took a book, and sat down, when she saw her patient give a start +that almost threw him out of his chair, saying in a half frightened, +though joyful tone, "My wife! _my wife!!_ my own dear Mary, do forgive +me!" + +Emily hastened to reassure the old gentleman who did not attempt to +speak again for some minutes; but when she playfully told him of the +pleasant surprise, she intended, he confessed that for a moment he +thought his wife had appeared to him to upbraid him for his cruel +treatment of her daughter. But now nothing could induce him to have her +portrait removed. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI. + + * * * * * "Thy natal day, + Love bids it welcome, the love which hath smiled, + Ever around thee, my gentle child! + Watching thy footsteps and guarding thy bed, + And pouring out joy on thy sunny head. + Roses may vanish, but this will stay,-- + Happy and bright is thy natal day." MRS. HEMANS. + + +_Tuesday, April 11th._ + +Walter has to-day taken his first exercise in walking alone. He is very +proud of his achievement, but no more so than his little sister who +stands at a short distance with outstretched arms and utters the +encouraging words, "Come, dear brother; _come_ to sister!" + +He makes the attempt, but is so elated that he does not regard the good +old-fashioned precept, "Let him that thinketh he standeth, take heed +lest he fall," and straightway he lies prostrate on the floor. But +sister is not discouraged, and amidst shouts of delight on his part, and +sweet musical tones on hers, he is placed against the wall and prepares +for a new triumph. Pauline is not satisfied that there should be so few +present to witness the astonishing feat. She runs to the library for her +father. "Oh! papa, come quick, and see what Walter can do!" She soon +assembled the whole household. Papa looked on with the most complacent +of smiles, hardly knowing which to admire more, the new use to which his +first-born son was determined to put his understanding, or the +unselfish triumph of his little daughter. Cæsar, Phebe and Ann loudly +applauded the little fellow. This, as is often the case with persons of +riper years, only made him top-heavy and brought him sooner down to his +proper level. But nothing daunted, he started again, rendered almost +wild by the hearty cheers of those around him. At last, mamma came to +the rescue. The young hope of the house must rest for a season, in +anticipation of new trials and new victories. + + +_Evening._ + +Emily called to hear the last advices from Joseph Lee. The latest +intelligence was quite encouraging. The patient is much more calm and +sleeps well under the influence of powerful anodynes, and if nothing new +occurs, bids fair to recover. If he were the most affectionate of +brothers, Lucy could not feel more grateful. She wrote to his physician +to spare no expense for the comfort of her brother, who would ere long, +she hoped, be able to return home. + + +_Wednesday, April 19th._ + +This is the second anniversary of my wedding. How much happiness has +fallen to my lot! My own Frank grows every day more dear to me. How +fervently he prayed this morning for me and for himself, giving thanks +to God for our happy union and the various blessings with which divine +mercy has crowned it, and seeking for us still larger supplies of grace, +that increased fidelity to its duties may perpetuate and multiply our +joys. May God give me grace to prove myself a worthy help-meet! I often +fear that I am too much engrossed with my earthly treasures. My husband, +children and friends occupy too much of my time and thoughts, while I am +liable to forget the Giver of these rich mercies. Oh, that I may not in +this way bring upon myself his chastening rod! Oh, that all my earthly +affections may be so sanctified as to be acceptable to my Father in +heaven! + + +_Tuesday, May 2d._ + +This is my dear Walter's birth-day. Through how many scenes have I +passed in one year! This was indeed the hour of nature's trial. But oh! +how richly is the agony of the mother repaid by her joy at the sound of +the sweet voice so soon calling her _mamma_! Next to _home_, the +embodiment of all earthly joys, this is to me the sweetest word in all +our language. From the bottom of my heart I pity the Stoic who cannot +comprehend the full and precious import of the word _home_. + + +_Evening._ + +We have had quite a little fête in honor of our young Lenox. Phebe +exercised all her skill in the preparation of a birthday cake, which was +however intended for the guests, the children being perfectly content +with a piece of the frosting. + +Pauline's tiny set of china was brought in requisition. This was a +present from her father on her own birth-day, which we celebrate on the +sixth of June, the day on which we received her as a precious boon from +heaven. The dear girl, with Ann for an assistant, arranged the table in +the dining-room, and issued the invitations in behalf of her brother; +and when her feast was ready went round from room to room to lead in her +guests. + +None of the household were omitted, though Ruth was obliged to excuse +herself as she had been previously invited to officiate as bridemaid in +the village. Papa and mamma were permitted to occupy seats together on +one side of the table, a privilege which the gentleman acknowledged by a +low bow. Grandmamma and aunt Emily sat opposite. Master Lenox was in his +high chair at the head of the table, with good Cæsar and Phebe beside +him. Pauline took the seat which I usually occupied, with Ann by her +side. + +Our sable friends had joined in the birth-day sports of Mass'r Frank and +Misse Emily, and felt no embarrassment in sitting with us on such an +occasion, in honor of which Phebe had donned a new turban of brilliant +hues, and Cæsar had given his face, eyes, and teeth an extra shine. But +Ann felt it necessary to apologize for the liberty, and said "Miss +Pauline would have it so." + +The Doctor replied pleasantly, "All's right, Ann, Pauline knows what is +proper." As for the child, her duties became rather onerous. She flew +around the table, moving one here and another there, until at length her +guests were arranged to her satisfaction. Then she resumed her own seat. + +Thinking that he had waited quite long enough, Walter, with a quick +motion jumped up in his chair, and helped himself to a large piece of +the sugared cake which stood before him. Pauline was shocked, and said +"Please, brother, don't do so, I was just going to ask papa to say +grace." But her papa was laughing so much that he declined to officiate +as chaplain, and advised her to distribute her treat at once. + +To tell the whole truth, the young gentleman, in honor of whom the +invitation was given, did not get to himself much credit by his conduct +on the occasion. He upset everything within his reach, and was only +appeased when his obliging friend at his side allowed him the free use +of his curly head for a plaything, when he soon had his little fingers +so tangled in the wool as to allow the rest of the company an +opportunity to enjoy themselves in peace. + +If all the truth must be told, the grave Doctor, from whom we should +least have expected trouble, did not certainly distinguish himself by +sobriety. Indeed I was obliged to request his mother to dismiss him from +the table, unless he could control his risibles. + +Never was matron more perplexed and annoyed by the conduct of guests +than was our hostess. Flushed with excitement, her brow knit with +anxiety lest some one should be overlooked, she flew around, and then +remembering that this was not mamma's manner, she returned to her seat +and there tried to do the honors in the most approved style. + + +_Friday, May 12th._ + +Lucy has received a letter from Joseph in reply to one from her, urging +him to come home. In it he manifests the most horrible disregard of his +own state, just arising from what appeared to be his death-bed, and also +of the gradually dying condition of his father, and refuses ever to go +beneath "the accursed roof while the old man lives." The deeply +afflicted sister is horrified beyond measure, but of course will conceal +the letter from her father. + +Squire Lee has often asked, if Joseph is not coming home, and feels +grieved that his son left him in anger. He confessed to the Doctor, a +few days ago, that the sins of Joseph lay heavily upon his conscience, +at the same time repeating a quotation from the morning reading in which +the woe was pronounced upon Eli and his house "because his sons made +themselves vile, and he restrained them not." + + +_Saturday, May 13th._ + +I called at Squire Lee's to-day, and happening to have Pauline with me, +I took her up into the old gentleman's room. He appeared extremely +feeble, and after I had said a few words to him, and was turning to take +a seat, Lucy led Pauline toward the bed. With a look of horror upon his +countenance, he screamed, "Who is she? _Who is she?_ I don't want her +here. Oh, let her go away!" + +The poor child began to cry, and I hastily led her from the room, +wondering why the sight of her should cause such unusual agitation. Lucy +sent a servant to beg me to go into the parlor, where she would soon +meet me. I took Pauline in my lap, but it was some time before I could +succeed in soothing her. She said, "the sick man makes dreadful faces at +me." + +Lucy said, her father wished her to apologize to me, and to say, that +the child resembled so strongly a lady he had known when in Europe, that +for a moment he thought her standing before him. "But when I told him," +she added, "it was your little girl, he was relieved at once. I think," +continued she, with slight agitation, "father must have had some +unpleasant associations, connected with the lady, he mentioned, for he +was laboring under strong excitement, while the perspiration stood in +drops upon his brow." + +On my return, I related to Frank what had happened; he said I had better +avoid taking Pauline there again, since such excitements might prove +fatal to his patient. I don't remember that the old gentleman ever saw +her before. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII. + + * * * * "'Tis with our souls + As with our eyes, that, after a long darkness, + Are dazzled at th' sudden approach of light; + When in th' midst of fears we are surpris'd + With unexpected happiness; the first + Degrees of joy are mere astonishment." DENHAM. + + +_Saturday, May 20th._ + +I have been to-day with Emily and Pauline to make some calls. On our +return, we drove to the small tenement occupied by the Reynolds family. +We found the contented, happy wife busy in the performance of her +household duties. She said, she wanted to sing for joy at the +reformation of her husband. He was well with the exception of a dreadful +faintness at his stomach, the consequence of leaving off the stimulus to +which he has been so long accustomed. She said, she had sometimes +thought of applying to the Doctor for a remedy; "but," she added with +emotion, "after all he has done for us, I do not wish to trouble him." + +I answered, "he will take pleasure in rendering your husband relief." + +"Oh yes, indeed, we are all aware of that. William would not have had +the employment which enables him to support his family, had your husband +not gone to Mr. Hunter and presented the case to him. Then it would have +been a long time before he could have earned clothes suitable to go to +church." + +"Mr. Jones knows well how to sympathize with him in his efforts to +reform." + +"Yes," and a curious look passed over her face. "But he told William at +last that he could not keep it from him any longer. Thomas did indeed go +with him to the tailor's, and order the garments, but it was by +direction of your good husband, who paid the bill." + +"Oh! Frank," said I to myself, "you've begun to have secrets and to keep +them from me." Yet I was quite delighted that my husband's + + + "Charity ever + Finds in the act reward, and needs no trumpet + In the receiver." + + +As we were leaving, Mrs. Reynolds said, "I walked last evening to our +old home, and it made my heart ache to see how neglected the place +appeared. But my husband has a purpose, and if God prospers us with +health and strength, we shall accomplish it. This is to purchase back +the cottage. Do you think," she eagerly asked, "the Squire would refuse +to sell?" + +Emily fell into such a reverie that I could get no answer to my numerous +questions until we reached home. Then she directed Cæsar to drive her to +Squire Lee's. + + +_Monday, May 29th._ + +For a number of days some mysterious project has been going forward. +Emily spends half her time with Lucy Lee. The Doctor is implicated in +it, as I perceive from sundry whisperings and signs, which are instantly +hushed at my approach. Yesterday I came upon them unawares, and heard +distinctly mention made of a lawyer, legal instruments, witnesses and +the like. I can easily imagine that Lucy is to be married to Allen; and +that the Doctor and a lawyer are advising the old gentleman about his +will. How astonished they will be at my shrewdness, when I tell them, I +was well aware of their secret all the time. + + +_Tuesday. May 30th._ + +How true it is that life is made up of sun and shade. I was never more +impressed with this idea than I have been to-day. A short time since I +called, as I mentioned, upon Mrs. Reynolds, and found her in comfort, +with her husband restored to her and to his family, and looking forward +with joyous anticipation to the time when they should be the proprietors +of their once beautiful home. + +Alas! how soon these hopes were dashed! The poor woman came to me this +morning, weeping bitterly. It has been their custom when the father +returned from his work, and when the labor of the day was completed, for +all the now united and happy family to take a stroll for pleasure. +Almost invariably their steps have been directed to the place rendered +dear by pleasant associations. Last evening when they were approaching +it, they were greatly astonished to see that something unusual was going +forward, and hastening their steps, they found to their dismay that the +occupants had received notice to vacate the premises, as the place was +sold. Vain were all their endeavors to learn the name of the purchaser. +The tenants neither knew nor cared, for they were perplexed at being +obliged to leave their comfortable quarters, though they acknowledged +that one month's rent had been given them by the purchaser, in +consideration of their consenting to leave at once. + +Hardly conscious of what she did, Mrs. Reynolds followed her husband +from room to room, rendered desolate by the removal of the furniture +while harder and harder grew the face of the bowed man, until at length +he sunk upon the steps of the door, and cried aloud. "I didn't know +until then," she added, "how much he had set his heart upon having the +old place. True it has been our constant conversation whenever he has +been at home; and so sure did he feel of going back, that he had +promised each of the children a flower-garden equal to any their mother +ever had." + +I could not keep back my tears at witnessing the unrestrained grief of +the afflicted woman. "I could bear it myself," she continued, sobbing, +"but William has given up, and says, it is no use now, trying to be +anything." + +Though I feared, it would be in vain, I did all I could to encourage +her and told her the Doctor would inquire about it, and see if the +purchaser could not be bought off. "At any rate," I said, "William can +put up a cottage like it. You must not allow your husband to despond." +She went away with her heart somewhat lightened. When Frank came in, I +related her story to him, and was greatly encouraged by his hopeful view +of the subject. + +He said, "I will see Reynolds immediately." I am often astonished that +my dear husband with so large a practice finds time to render so many +acts of kindness to those around him. + + +_Tuesday, June 6th._ + +My dear mother, I have so much to tell you, I scarcely know where to +begin. Frank has hinted to me a number of times, that he intended to +celebrate Pauline's birth-day in good style, as the poor girl had taken +such a burden upon herself at the celebration of her brother's +birth-day. But when I inquired for farther particulars, he always turned +it off with a laugh. When I went this morning to the kitchen, I found +Phebe in her element, saying. "Mass'r Frank gib orders for cake and +pies, for twenty people, and Ruth say ole missus is g'wine to make bread +and boil meat." + +What can all this mean! I walked straight to the cottage to learn what I +could from mother. My rising wrath at being kept so entirely in the dark +was somewhat mollified by finding her as ignorant as myself. She was, +however, busy in preparing dishes for a bountiful supper, according to +the wish of Emily. My dear, artless mother did not deceive me, when she +pretended not to hear as I eagerly asked, "have you no idea of the +meaning of all this secrecy?" I said no more, but walked back, +soliloquizing whether it would be wiser for me to insist upon knowing +without farther delay, or to allow matters to approach the crisis. I had +concluded upon the latter course when I saw Frank drive into the yard. I +did not stop, however, for I intended to keep up my dignity, and to +appear perfectly indifferent. So I went to my room and gave Pauline her +lesson; but Frank peeped in and beckoned me away. + +I put on a very serious air and followed him. "Come now," said he, +kissing me, "you can't make me believe you are angry; I see your mouth +twitch; I've some good news for you." + +In my curiosity, I threw away my reserve, and listened eagerly to his +story, which I must go back a little to render intelligible. It appears +that Emily's large heart was swelling with "a purpose" when she so +suddenly started for Squire Lee's, on our return from visiting the +humble abode of Mrs. Reynolds. Undefined, at first, she confessed it +was; but a vague idea was flitting through her mind, of persuading the +owner to give back Rose Cottage to its former occupants. Sometimes her +hopes rose high, and then she was tempted to abandon her project. The +thought of expecting "the hardened old man" (as the Squire had +universally been called until his sickness,) the thought of asking such +a man to give away what he valued at ten or twelve hundred dollars, +merely to encourage the reformation of his inferior who had been ruined +in his employment, seemed hopeless and absurd. But the image of the +patient sufferer, eagerly listening to her praises of his daughter, gave +her courage to proceed, and she tapped gently at the door of his room, +where she was sure to find Lucy. + +After talking pleasantly with the old gentleman for a few moments, Lucy +in obedience to a motion from Emily, retired with her to the inner +apartment. There she made bold to divulge her plans and wishes, to which +there was no want of attention on the part of the listener. She, +however, made no reply until Emily had finished, when she took her hand, +saying, "Come and tell father." + +From this, even the courageous Emily shrank, saying "No, Lucy, you will +do the business far better." + +But Lucy only smiled, and pulled her forward, saying, "Tell him just as +you have told me. He won't be displeased." + +So Emily sat down at his feet and told him all her heart. He listened +with a pleased attention; and when she described the patient suffering +of the gentle Anna, the beautiful children cursed with a drunken father, +his breast heaved with emotion. Emily grew warm with her subject, and +remembering that she was asking more than he had ever done in his life, +she burst out, "Dear sir, if you should make this family happy, it would +be so delightful for you to reflect upon as you sit here day after day. +You would become so interested for them, and Lucy would so rejoice to +hear their generous praise of their kind benefactor." + +He shook his head while a few tears silently coursed down his furrowed +cheek. "You forget that I _made_ them miserable." + +"Well, then," she continued, "now you have an opportunity to turn their +grief into joy, and to render them very happy;" and looking at the +portrait opposite, upon which the sun was shining, "how happy she would +have been to have you perform so generous an act." + +There appeared to be a dreadful conflict between his incrusted +covetousness and the benevolence which by the grace of God was springing +up in his soul. Lucy came and kneeled by Emily's side holding her +father's hand caressingly in hers. "Well, daughter," said he +affectionately, "Rose farm is yours, give it to whom you please." + +The young advocates were overjoyed at their success, and Lucy kissed her +father repeatedly, while Emily warmly pressed his hand. In the peace and +joy which filled his breast, Squire Lee for the first time realized the +truth of the inspired declaration, "It is more blessed to give than to +receive." + +Lucy readily promised to keep the whole transaction a profound secret +until the proper moment should arrive for the denouement. Emily also +promised with the assistance of her brother to arrange all the business. + + +_Wednesday, June 7th._ + +I had not time last evening to finish Emily's story. Her frequent +conversations with Frank were connected with the legal transfer of the +estate. How wise I thought myself in having seen through their plot! + +At length, all was concluded. The legal instruments were prepared and +executed, conveying the property from the Squire to his daughter, and +from her to Mrs. Reynolds and her children, reserving the use thereof to +Mr. Reynolds, provided he remained true to his pledge of entire +abstinence from intoxicating drinks. But in the event of his violating +his pledge, the same was to revert to his wife and children. + +The family occupying the house, were the next morning notified to leave, +as Emily had determined to restore it to its original beauty. The +Doctor, however, insisted that I should have the pleasure of giving the +furniture, and he put money into her hand for that purpose. + +The important day had now arrived for the removal of William and Anna +Reynolds to their sweet home, while as yet they knew nothing of the +great happiness in store for them. It was for the purpose of carrying me +to invite them to Pauline's birth-day party, that Frank had returned. He +had left Emily and Lucy busily engaged in setting up the furniture which +Cæsar had yesterday carried there. I rode with him to their humble +abode, and found Anna sitting at her sewing in rather a disconsolate +mood, on account of the continued grief of her husband, at the supposed +loss of the cottage. + +But she very gladly accepted Miss Pauline's invitation and promised to +keep her children from school and to be ready when Cæsar should call for +them. Such a bustle of preparation as now went forward, I have hardly +seen. The good Cæsar was constantly coming and going, laden with baskets +of provisions, crockery and other household utensils. As he passed the +door, he stopped the horse, and drawing himself up, said in a +consequential tone, "Cæsar knows Misse Emily no do widout dis chile on +dis great 'casion. Mass'r Lenox allus powerful good to sich kind. Dis +de gemman allus 'prove mass'r plans." + +At length, the hour arrived, and Pauline was arranged in a white dress +with pink sash and bows to her sleeves. I left her at Rose Cottage with +the assembled company, and as requested returned with Cæsar to bring the +new proprietors to their abode. + +They were all in readiness, William arrayed in his new suit, and +evidently striving to appear cheerful; Mrs. Reynolds, Anna and Willie +were neatly dressed for the occasion. When we were seated in the +carriage, I told Cæsar, I had an errand at the west part of the town; +and if Mr. and Mrs. Reynolds would excuse us, we would go there first. +Cæsar showed his white teeth so much that I feared, they would suspect +something. As we approached our destination, I saw white dresses here +and there flitting by the windows, and a little head peeping from the +attic to watch for us. + +William covered his face with his hands. He could not bear to witness +the improvements which he had already planned for himself. Mrs. Reynolds +held her husband's hand in silence, while the children eagerly looked, +expecting that we should drive past. But when we stopped, and first +Lucy, then Emily, followed by mother, the Doctor and Pauline came to the +door and bid them welcome to Rose Cottage, it was too much. William +sprang upon his feet, and stood with a vacant look, first at one, and +then at another, and finally sank back on the cushion weeping aloud. +Mrs. Reynolds turned very red and pale by turns, while the children +shouted for joy, as they were helped from the carriage into the newly +painted hall. + +It was not, however, till assisted by the Doctor (for his trembling +knees would scarce support him) that Mr. Reynolds could speak. When he +with his wife were seated in the neatly furnished parlor, Lucy with +moistened eyes presented him with a document, when he exclaimed, "I +can't! _Oh! I can't take it!_" + +Frank saw that he was laboring under some mistake, though _what_ it was +he could hardly conceive, and fearing lest the joy would be too much for +him, he took the document from the donor, and said kindly, "My good +friends, this young lady is the owner of the cottage, and she has +invited us here to partake of a little feast in honor of Pauline's +birth-day. As this was formerly your home, we thought it would be +pleasant for you to meet us here." + +"Oh! _no!_ NO!! I can't stay," cried the poor man sobbing aloud, and +wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his coat. + +"But," persisted Frank, "I thought you were very anxious to see the new +owner, in order to ascertain whether you could at some future time +purchase it yourself." + +"Yes, so I was, and so I am, but not _here_." He soon, however, became +more composed. + +Mrs. Reynolds appeared to suffer almost as much as her husband; but long +sorrow had given her more control over her feelings. "William," she said +in a low voice, "our friends who have done so much for us invited us +here to give us pleasure. Let us try to enjoy it. They could not know," +she continued with a sigh, "how very sad we should feel." + +I stood near them, and almost without a thought, asked, "How can you +bear to live here then when you have purchased it?" + +"Oh! that would be very different," replied Anna. "But will her father +allow her to sell?" she inquired, looking most earnestly at Lucy. +William also aroused at this question, and with open mouth awaited the +reply. + +I looked at Lucy with a smile, and she said, "it is with his consent and +permission that I now make over to you the right and title to Rose +Cottage. Henceforth it is yours." + +For one instant, they both seemed stupefied; and then as if actuated by +one heart, they sunk upon their knees. Amid tears of joy, we all +followed their example, when Frank in a most appropriate prayer thanked +God in their behalf and dedicated the happy abode to "_temperance_, +_union_ and _love_." + +When we arose, our hearts were somewhat relieved. Mr. Reynolds pressed +his wife to his heart, and thanked God for such a treasure. When he +became more composed, he said, "I am well aware that it is the purity +and goodness of my Anna which have thus met their reward; but I hope and +believe, this gift will stimulate me to imitate her example." + +I cannot describe to you the astonishment as well as delight of the now +happy pair as they went from room to room, and beheld the well filled +closets, and every convenience for house-keeping. They could not realize +such a change in the Squire as that he should voluntarily give up this +property. When we sat at the well furnished board, Emily, who presided, +playfully asked Mrs. Reynolds to excuse her for taking the head of the +table. But that lady could not reply except by a tearful smile. We +hurried through supper in order to leave the family alone and give them +an opportunity to recover from their excited feelings. As we did so, +Lucy put into Mrs. Reynolds's hand the document, her husband had +refused. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII. + + "Habitual evils change not on a sudden, + But many days must pass, and many sorrows; + Conscious remorse, and anguish must be felt, + To curb desire, to break the stubborn will, + And work a second nature in the soul, + Ere virtue can resume the place she lost." ROWE. + + +_Wednesday, August 23d._ + +The Doctor received a hasty note from Lucy, requesting him to call this +morning at his earliest convenience. He did so, and found his patient +agitated and trembling, who immediately requested to be left alone with +Frank. + +"Dr. Lenox," said he, "I have sent for you to receive a confession from +me, which I little thought would ever pass my lips." He tried to wipe +the moisture which was gathering on his face, but his hand shook so much +that he was unable. Frank took a seat near him and performed that +office, when he continued, "I have been a great sinner, Doctor, as you +well know; but there is one crime lying upon my conscience, which I +would gladly give all I am possessed of to be free from. Oh, dear!" He +gasped convulsively. "You don't know, you have never felt the agony of +remorse!" + +Frank tried to soothe his patient, and pointed him to the Saviour as one +ready to bear all our sins. "I've tried to think so Doctor; sometimes +the devil tempts me to believe that there can be no forgiveness of sins +like mine. In addition to all my drunkenness and profanity, all my +abuse of widows and orphans, and all my grinding the face of the poor, I +have been--Oh!--_Oh, dear!_--I am a MURDERER!" + +Frank started involuntarily. But Squire Lee cried aloud, while the +Doctor bathed his temples, and endeavored to quiet him, but reluctantly +allowed him to proceed. Making a great effort to control himself, the +distressed invalid proceeded to say, that while abroad many years ago, +he had met a lady who interested him more than any one he had ever seen. +Though his wife was still living at home, he had fallen in love with +her, and had made the most disgraceful proposals to her, which she +repelled with scorn. "She told me," he exclaimed, "her husband was in +India, and that it was well for me that such were the case, for he would +revenge to the death such an insult to his wife. Her indignation only +added to her beauty; and I was almost beside myself that I could not +accomplish my purpose. But I determined to have my revenge. I wrote +anonymously to her husband, at first only hinting at her unfaithfulness +to him, but subsequently stating the facts more fully. There was a +gentleman who spent much of his time in her society and in the education +of her child. It was this man to whom I referred in my letter to her +husband, though I had abundant reason to know that her character was +above suspicion. Sometime later, when my wicked passion had had time to +cool, I again passed through the place, and to my horror learned that my +letters had been the means of recalling her husband from abroad, and of +the death of--of both--of them! Yes, Colonel Shirley killed his friend, +and his wife died of a broken heart, leaving her husband to suppose her +the guilty woman whom I had falsely represented." + +Squire Lee here groaned heavily and was overcome by his emotions. +"Doctor," said the agonized man when he revived, "a word more; you +cannot realize what a relief this will be here," laying his hand upon +his breast, Frank bowed assent. The sick man then earnestly begged the +Doctor to take the name of Colonel Shirley, and to use every means in +his power to ascertain whether that gentleman were living; and if he +should ever see or hear of him, to communicate to him the fact of his +wife's innocence, and of the fiendish revenge which prompted the writer +of those letters. + + +_Thursday, September 7th._ + +The Doctor was hastily summoned yesterday to Squire Lee, who has had +another shock of paralysis. But it proved to be slight compared with the +first. It was occasioned by his receipt of a bank notice from the city +of New York, of a note left there for collection, and signed by his son +Joseph as agent for his father, and requesting the immediate payment +thereof. The bank notified the father instead of the son, who had +falsely assumed to act as his agent, and who was reported to have left +the country. + +At first the Squire was very angry, and said to Lucy, "I must pay this +note, but it is the last he shall ever have from my estate." + + +_Monday, October 2d._ + +I think Squire Lee supposes himself to be near his end. A few weeks +since, he requested his daughter to leave him alone with Allen, when he +asked the young man, "Do you still love Lucy?" + +"I have never ceased to love her," was the reply. + +"Then," said the old gentleman, in a very affecting manner, "my daughter +is a good girl, and I should like to see her happily married before I +die." He also added, "if you marry her, you will not have a portionless +bride." + + +_Monday, October 9th._ + +Emily has just consented to go to the city to make some purchases for +the intended bride, as Lucy cannot think of leaving her father, who is +very feeble. He told her in the presence of Allen, that he did not wish +their marriage to be delayed. + +The ardent lover persuaded Lucy to name an early day; and the nineteenth +of this month is decided upon. It will be strictly a private wedding. +The service is to be performed in the chamber of the invalid, with only +our family as witnesses. Lucy wished Emily to be her bridemaid; but as +there was no one intimate enough in the family with whom it would be +pleasant for her to stand, sister easily persuaded her to dispense with +this part of the ceremony. + + +_Thursday, October 19th._ + +To-day I accompanied the Doctor and Emily to Squire Lee's. He is +exceedingly feeble, and Frank almost feared, lest the excitement of the +occasion would be too much for him. But the service was very short and +informal. When we were seated, Allen and Lucy came in from the adjoining +room, a short prayer was offered by the Rev. Mr. Munroe, the covenant of +marriage was administered and received, by which the parties pledged +themselves to a faithful performance of the duties of husband and wife, +as set forth in the holy scriptures, the benediction was pronounced, and +our dear friend was Lucy Lee no longer, but _Mrs. Lucy Mansfield_. In +this new character, she stepped forward quickly to her father and kissed +his pale brow, while we silently retired from the room, the Doctor alone +remaining with the patient. And he joined us in a few moments, leaving +the sick man far less fatigued than we had feared. + +Frank says, he would give a great deal to know whether Squire Lee has +made provision for his daughter. After we all left the room, Lucy sat on +a cricket chafing his poor withered hand. He looked at her with melting +tenderness, as he said to Frank, who had returned to him, "Doctor, she +is a good girl." + + +_Friday, October 20th._ + +The Doctor called yesterday to see whether his patient had suffered from +the excitement of the previous day. Lucy was requested by her father to +leave the room, when he asked Frank to tell him plainly how long he +should probably live. The Doctor replied that he might linger some +weeks; but it would not surprise him, if he did not live many days, and +he advised him to set his house and his soul in order to meet the solemn +event. Squire Lee thanked him, and said, "I have much to do; I must +delay no longer." + +Encouraged by his calmness, Frank had a very interesting conversation +with him, and was rejoiced to find him in a humble, penitent frame of +mind, with a trembling hope of forgiveness through the blood of Christ. + + + "He wept; he trembled; cast his eyes around, + To find a worse than he; but none he found. + He felt his sins, and wonder'd, he _should_ feel, + Grace made the wound, and grace alone could heal." + + +When the Doctor called again to see his patient, Mrs. Burns said that +the Squire had sent the porter out for a man who was then engaged with +him, and that she believed them to be making a will, as she had answered +the bell, and had taken into the chamber paper, pens and other apparatus +for writing; and when doing so she had heard her master, in a feeble +voice say something in which she clearly distinguished the words "legal +instrument." + +The Doctor told her not to interrupt them, and assured her that he would +call again. Not long after, Jacob, the porter, came in haste for him to +go back, saying that he had been twice to the office in the village to +find him. + +Frank met him on the road and instantly returned with him. On the way, +he was told a lawyer had been sent for who soon went out and returned +with two other men. After they all retired, Lucy hastened to the room, +fearing the effect of this unusual excitement upon her father. But as he +lay perfectly quiet, she supposed him to be sleeping. She sat by his +side, when perceiving that he remained for a long time in exactly the +same position, she became alarmed and began to chafe his temples and +hands. But as he still remained unconscious, she called Allen and sent +for the Doctor. When Frank entered the chamber, he found him slightly +revived, but unable to speak. He will not probably survive many hours. +Lucy is very anxious for the Doctor to remain through the night, and he +sent me word that he had consented to do so. + + +_Tuesday, October 24th._ + +My dear husband did not return home until near noon, as he has many +patients whom he was obliged to visit after leaving Squire Lee's. He +remained by the bed of the dying man the entire night. Poor old man! It +was really affecting to see how hard he tried to speak. He is very +anxious to make Lucy comprehend something, but she cannot get the least +clew to it. The feeble invalid wept that they could not understand him. +At length, Frank put a pencil into his hand and held the paper before +him; but in vain. He could not hold the pencil, and shook his head in +despair. + +About eight o'clock this morning, the Doctor was called from the room by +Mrs. Burns, who said to him, "Mr. Colby, the lawyer, is below; and when +informed that you were in the house, he requested to see you." + +Before they entered the parlor, Mrs. Burns in a low but agitated voice, +said, "Dr. Lenox, do ask him if Mr. Lee was making his will yesterday. I +know, the dear old man meant to do right by Lucy." + +As Frank opened the door, Mr. Colby arose, and bowed, saying, "I have +been told by the house-keeper that Squire Lee is suffering from another +attack of paralysis; and I wish the opinion of his physician whether he +is in a sound and disposing mind, and is capable of finishing some +business transactions." + +The Doctor replied, "he is not." + +"I hold in my hand," continued the lawyer, looking over a document, "a +deed of gift of a small house and a piece of land. It is in favor of a +widow by the name of Churchill, whose prospects have been ruined by her +husband while in Squire Lee's employ. The language of the deed is a +little singular for a man of his character. It reads as follows: 'Deeply +regretting in the sight of God, before whom I am soon to appear, the +various wrongs of which I have been guilty toward Otis Churchill and +through him toward his family, and in consideration of his long and +valuable services the receipt of which I hereby acknowledge, I do give, +grant and convey unto his wife, Mrs. Hepsibah Churchill, her heirs and +assigns a certain lot of land with the house thereon, it being the same +which I took from her husband in execution of a mortgage thereon, +situated and bounded thus--.'" + +While Frank was rejoiced that his dying patient had felt disposed to do +something to restore the widow and orphan to the happiness which had +been destroyed by his influence, he could not help sighing as he feared +lest a suitable provision for his daughter had been too long postponed, +if not wholly neglected. Mr. Colby was exceedingly interested and +anxious to ascertain how long it was after he took leave of him on the +preceding day, when the old gentleman was seized with this attack. He +asked if it were indeed true, as the house-keeper had informed him, that +the old gentleman had not spoken since he left. + +Learning from the Doctor that the patient was now in a dying condition, +he departed, expressing great regret that the state of the invalid +should render it impossible for him to transact the legal business +contemplated. + + +_Wednesday, October 25th._ + +Emily has just returned from Squire Lee's, where she has been since +yesterday. The servants are in dreadful excitement for fear Joseph +should be left in possession of all the property, since it cannot be +ascertained that a new will has been made. They vehemently declare that +they will leave the house when their dear young mistress does. It +appears very clear that the father intended to make a new will from what +he said to Allen, and also from what Mrs. Burns heard him say to his +daughter the morning after the wedding, when she was preparing him to +receive the lawyer. Lucy was then smoothing his gray hair, and +affectionately kissed his pale cheek, when, holding her hand he said, +"you must try to forgive your poor old father for all his cruel +treatment of you. You can take pleasure in thinking that by your +affectionate care, you have made my last years the happiest of my life." +Then after a short pause, during which Lucy could not command her voice +to speak, he continued, "I mean to give you this estate and Allen +shall--" Here a fit of coughing interrupted him, and he never after +renewed the subject. + +Emily says, "the dear girl is so affected at the thought of losing her +father, that she does not seem to realize that by his death she is to be +cut off from everything. Allen, however, is in a prosperous business, +and I do not doubt she will be happy." + +Mr. Colby called again last evening; but of course no business could be +transacted. Allen asked him, if he had transacted business for the +Squire heretofore, and thought him slightly embarrassed as he replied +that he had done so, but principally through the son. Allen farther +asked, if he knew where Joseph was at present, and ascertained that he +was on the eve of departure for Europe. Mr. Colby farther stated that a +document had formerly been put into his hand which he supposed to be a +will. + + +_Thursday, October 26th._ + +Lucy is very anxious to have her brother come home if possible to see +her father once more; and Allen wrote a note to Mr. Colby begging him +to go to New York and detain Joseph from his voyage until after the +funeral. + +This morning Squire Lee revived from the dreadful stupor in which he has +been lying for nearly twenty-four hours, and was able to swallow a few +tea-spoonfuls of wine and water. + +He again tried to make them understand something. He pointed with his +hand to Lucy, then to the articles of furniture, then back to her. The +cold clammy sweat stood in drops upon his forehead from his violent +attempts to articulate. + +"Dear, _dear_ father," said the weeping girl, unable to bear it longer, +"don't try to speak." + +He pointed again. + +"Do you wish me to understand that I am to have them?" + +His countenance brightened at once. + +"Thank you, dear father, all will be right." + +He fixed his eyes for a long time upon the lovely countenance suspended +from the wall, and then closed them. + +Lucy asked in a low voice, "can you trust your Saviour? He has promised +to save you if you will but trust him." + +The dying man slowly opened his eyes, a bright smile passed over his +features, and his spirit took its flight. That glorious smile of triumph +through the Beloved still lingers. No doubt his eternity will be spent +in singing the abounding grace of God. + + +_Friday, October 27th._ + +A dreadful accident happened in the village to-day. Mr. Stone, a +respectable mechanic, fell from the top of a house where he was at work +upon the chimney. The staging gave way, and he was precipitated to the +ground, a distance of over thirty feet. He has no family, and has not +long been a resident in the place; nevertheless there is great sympathy +manifested at his sudden death. The Doctor reached him about twenty +minutes after he fell, but found him dying; and thinks that he knew +nothing after he struck the ground. He immediately wrote his parents to +ascertain their wishes with regard to the body of their unfortunate son. + +How true it is that in the midst of life, we are in death; one moment in +time; the next in eternity. The family where Mr. Stone boarded, and +where Frank obtained the address of his parents, describe him as a very +moral, upright young man who attended church regularly on the Sabbath, +and who seldom left the house after he came in from his work in the +evening. His landlady was very much affected when the Doctor carried her +the intelligence; but said she thought him prepared to die. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV. + + "This fond attachment to the well known place + Whence first we started into life's long race, + Maintains its hold with such unfailing sway, + We feel it even in age, and at our dying day." COWPER. + + +_Saturday, October 28th._ + +The funeral services of Squire Lee are to take place on Monday +afternoon. Joseph has not yet arrived. Allen is not at all sure that he +did not immediately leave the country as they heard, for fear his father +would refuse to pay the note he had forged under the false signature of +agent of the firm. But Lucy feels sure he would not be willing to leave +until their father died, and the estate was settled. Poor girl! she has +wept until she can weep no longer. She now begins to realize the trial +of leaving her dear home, and all the associations connected with her +mother and father. + +Mr. Mansfield, Allen's father, has expressed his earnest desire to have +them leave the house directly after the funeral, and make their home +with him. But Lucy will not consent to leave until Joseph arrives, or +until she is forced to do so. Emily thinks she secretly hopes that her +brother will wish to share the estate with her, when he knows his +father's dying wishes. Her husband has no idea of this kind, and says he +is only too happy in the possession of such a treasure as his Lucy. He +is now in business with his father; and though not able to live in the +splendor she did before her father's sickness, yet he can give her +every comfort, and he is sure he can make her happy. + + +_Monday, October 30th._ + +I was exceedingly disappointed in not being able to attend the funeral, +but I will give you Emily's account of the services. Mother accompanied +Frank and sister to the house of mourning. Being the members of the +family of the attending physician, they were shown into the room with +the relatives. This is the common usage here. The adjoining rooms, hall, +and stair way, were filled to overflowing with neighbors and friends. +Our pastor commenced the solemn services of the occasion by reading a +few select, and very appropriate passages of Scripture. These were +followed by remarks, in which he alluded to the change in the character +of the deceased, and to his peaceful death. He stated, that during the +past year, he had enjoyed many conversations with him upon the subject +of personal religion. He had always exhibited at such times, a humble, +penitent spirit, and a deep sense of gratitude to a long suffering God, +who had not cut him off in the midst of his sins; but had allowed him +space for repentance. He then closed with an appropriate and impressive +prayer. + +When he had concluded, an opportunity was afforded for all who desired +to take their last look at the marble countenance of the departed. After +this a long procession followed his remains to the place of sepulchral +rest. + +During all this mournful scene, Joseph, who had arrived an hour before +the obsequies, exhibited the most astonishing indifference. Not a tear +evinced sorrow at the loss of his only parent; though his affectionate +sister was bitterly weeping at his side. He sat a loathsome, bloated +form, gazing abstractedly about the room, or yawning as if already weary +of this last poor respect to the memory of his deceased father. + +In compliance with the request of Allen and Lucy, the Doctor and Emily +returned to Lee Hall, to be present at the reading of the will. As +Joseph, the executor, had but just arrived, he was not in possession of +the document, and sent Jacob to Mr. Colby to procure it. He soon +returned, and after Lucy had summoned Mrs. Burns to the room, Joseph +proceeded to read it. This legal document, you will remember, was dated +on the very day Lucy refused to marry William Arnold, and had no doubt +long been keenly regretted by the testator. By this unrighteous +instrument, his affectionate daughter was cut off from any portion of +her father's estate, which was all bequeathed to his son Joseph Lee, Jr. + +This brought so vividly to the remembrance of the weeping daughter the +trials which had long been forgotten, or thought of but as a troubled +dream, that she could scarcely support herself. Emily besought her to be +comforted, reminding her of the words of a favorite poet, + + + "The darkest day, + Live till to-morrow, will have passed away." + + +The Doctor had long determined, if an opportunity presented itself, to +tell Joseph what he knew to be the wishes of his father; and to state +his conviction that he had intended to provide for his daughter in a +later will. This he now did, and appealed to him as a son and brother to +perform the oft repeated wish of his father toward his sister. He was +proceeding to say that Mrs. Burns, who had been present on some of these +occasions, could corroborate this testimony when he was interrupted by +Joseph, who had waited with ill-concealed impatience for him to finish. + +"It's of no use wasting words in this matter," said he, trying to +control his angry feelings, "If she whom you call my sister, had acceded +to the wishes of her father, (whom she now pretends to mourn) in the +choice of a husband, this will would never have been executed. If she +had remained single, I, as the executor, and only heir, should have set +it aside, and shared the property equally with her. But as she has +chosen her path, so she must walk in it; as she has married a mean +rascal," (for the first time letting his eye rest upon Allen, and with +the look of a fiend,) "she must take the consequences." + +At the first mention of his wife in this insulting manner, Allen had +started to his feet; but the Doctor put his hand gently upon his arm, +and he sank back into his seat. + +Poor Lucy was spared the pain of hearing his insolent mention of her +husband; she had fainted in Emily's arms. + +All was now confusion. Mrs. Burns was flying for restoratives. Emily and +Allen chafing her cold hands, while the servants alarmed at the noise +were running in from every direction. Joseph walked deliberately into +another room, slamming the door after him. The Doctor proposed taking +the unconscious bride to her own apartment. Emily indignantly refused, +and said, "I will not leave her in the house another moment." But +neither her husband nor her physician would consent to have her leave in +that condition. Beside the latter, determined to leave nothing undone, +meant secretly to make one more appeal to Joseph in his sister's behalf. + +After a few moments, the sufferer drew a long sigh, and becoming +conscious, stared wildly about the room, and then burst into a +passionate fit of weeping. + +The Doctor, who knew this scene ought not to be prolonged, sat down by +her side, and gently tried to soothe her. He soon drew from her the fact +of her strong desire to carry with her the portraits of her parents. + +Emily began to urge her afflicted friend to hasten her departure. In +truth she says that she feared every moment a fresh outrage; and Lucy +left the room feebly, as if the weight of years had fallen upon her. She +wished to go through the house and take a sorrowful leave of the home of +her childhood, and more especially of the apartment where she had spent +two years in the society and care of her father; now hallowed by the +remembrance of his peaceful death. Mrs. Burns supported her on one side, +and Emily on the other, while she thus took her sad farewell of places +and objects so dear to her heart. + +It was not the thought of leaving the gorgeously furnished parlors, +where the brilliant-hued carpets gave back no echo of the +foot-step--where were mirrors the height of the rooms--chandeliers where +the light was caught and reflected from innumerable hanging +crystals--crimson velvet lounges and divans whose outstretched arms +invited repose; it was not the thought of leaving these which +overpowered her. No; it was the nursery of her childhood,--the cradle of +her infancy--the closet, in which kneeling by her gentle mother, she had +first learned to pray--the private sitting-room where her willing ears +first drank in vows of affection from her Allen--the chamber in which +both father and mother had breathed out their souls to God. These were +the places and objects over which she yearned in agony of spirit as she +gazed her long _farewell_. + +Then came her separation from the old servants who had many of them +remained for years solely out of affection for her. And who, when her +sorrow for herself was changed to care for her stricken father, had +shared her duties and attentions to him during the long period of his +sickness. She assured them she should never forget their faithfulness or +affection. Mrs. Burns, who had long been regarded as a friend and +companion, was to accompany her, and for the present to remain in the +house of her father-in-law. The rest crowded around her and wept aloud. + +In the mean time the Doctor had taken advantage of their absence to +venture into the presence of Joseph; when he asked him if it was indeed +his intention to drive his only sister from her home. + +The unnatural brother coldly replied, "she must leave, and the sooner +the better for all concerned." + +Frank then begged for her the portraits of her parents. + +"No, not an article shall she--" but seeing an awful look of +indignation on the Doctor's face he checked himself, and said, "well, I +won't object to that; they're no use to me. You may tell her she may +take them,--and stay," he added as Frank was leaving the room, "tell her +that she may send a servant for all her gewgaws and finery; I shall want +them out of the way." + +His indignant hearer deigned not a word of reply, but left the room, and +told Allen to take the portraits, which with a few articles for +immediate use were put into the carriage, and with grateful, though sad +adieus to their sympathizing friends they drove away. + +Emily would not remain a moment longer. "Get me away! I can't breathe +here!" she exclaimed to her brother, as they were waiting for the +carriage. + + +_Tuesday, October 31st._ + +Mrs. Burns returned to-day to Lee Hall, and found it indeed desolate. +Not a servant remained but the porter; and he had only been detained for +a few days, by a promise of great wages. While Mrs. Burns was packing, +he came stealthily to her room, and told her what had taken place after +she left. Shutting himself in his own apartment to avoid the +disagreeable scenes around him, the new owner of this princely mansion +hastened out when all was quiet to order brandy and cigars to be brought +in with supper. He rang the bell. There was no response. He rang again. +He then walked angrily to the kitchen, but all was deserted. He stamped +and swore until the maid servants clung together in their affright, and +only wished themselves safely out of the house. Each one of them would +far sooner have given up the wages due them, than to have ventured into +the presence of this monster in human form. + +At length he was heard coming up stairs, and Jacob came out of his room +dressed to leave; when really pitying his frightened companions, he +determined to turn Joseph's anger against himself. After hearing the +most abusive language unmoved, Jacob told his master, he would follow +him to the parlor, and there receive his directions. + +Joseph appeared to remember that he was compromising his dignity by +condescending to follow a servant to his room, and he went below. + +With a whispered word to his companions to leave their effects with him, +and depart, the kind hearted Jacob waited upon his _master_, though he +will not call him such; and there was persuaded to remain a short time +as mentioned above. + +Mrs. Burns told the good man that she would see that every cent of their +wages was paid to them, and then with his assistance loaded the wagon +with the trunks, and took her leave of the place where she had passed +nearly twenty years. + + +_Saturday, November 18th._ + +We have heard nothing from the proprietor of Lee Hall, except the fact +from Jacob, that Mr. Colby has completely domesticated himself in the +family; and the new servants brought from the city, have all given +notice of their intention to leave. Two of the girls were indignant at +their employer on account of his insulting familiarity. + +Jacob says the house is seldom quiet until long after midnight; and that +alarmed by the uproarious noise in the parlors, he has sometimes +ventured below and heard violent altercations between Joseph and the +lawyer. But the next morning, when they had slept off the effects of +their wine, they appeared as friendly as ever. + +Sister Emily went with Allen and Lucy to-day to look at a pretty +cottage, with a view to house-keeping. The distance from Allen's +business was the only objection, as they do not intend to keep a +carriage. The bride has not yet recovered from the effects of the +excitement and sorrow through which she has passed. We all think the +novelty of furnishing her house will occupy her attention and be of use +to her. + + +_Thursday, November 23d._ + +After breakfast this morning Frank showed me the following notice in the +Crawford Advertiser. + + + "PROBATE COURT NOTICE." + + "At a court of Probate held in the town of Crawford, county of + ----, and commonwealth of Massachusetts, November 22d, 1837, + whereas there and then appeared Joseph Lee, gentleman, to set up + what he claimed to be the last will and testament of one Joseph + Lee, deceased, and whereas objections were filed with this court by + his brother-in-law, Allen Mansfield, against this instrument from a + belief that it was not the _last_ will and testament of the + testator, therefore notice is hereby given to all parties and + persons interested to appear before me at 10 o'clock, A. M., + Thursday, the 30th of this month, and show cause if any there be, + why said will should not be set up and executed. + + ---- ----, _Judge of Probate._ + + _November 22d._" + + +_Monday, November 27th._ + +The Doctor was notified to-day to appear before the Probate Court as a +witness for Allen Mansfield against Joseph Lee. His sympathies are of +course with Lucy and Allen, and he will testify to what he is sure were +the intentions of the father. But he feels quite confident that there is +no legal testimony in the case, sufficient to prove that he ever did +make a will according to his intentions. It appears extremely improbable +that if such a document had been in existence previous to the marriage +of his daughter, that he should not have mentioned the fact to Allen. +But he only said, "You will not have a portionless bride." That such a +document did not then exist is almost certain from the fact it could +not have been made without the knowledge of some one in the house, since +though the old gentleman was perhaps capable of drawing up a legal +document, and had the perfect use of his right hand, yet such document +being drawn up, would not be admitted in court without witnesses. + +Then if executed the day after the marriage took place as was at first +hoped, where is it? What motive could there be for concealing it? and +for allowing one of former date to be presented and set up? + + +_Friday, December 1st._ + +Yesterday the Doctor attended the Probate Court. Mr. Willard appeared +for Allen Mansfield. After the will had been read, and proved by the +witnesses, to be both genuine and authentic, Mr. Willard asked leave to +call for the witnesses to the deed of gift to widow Churchill; and +endeavored in vain to prove by them that a subsequent will had been +made. + +One of the witnesses to the latter instrument was not living, being the +young man who was so suddenly killed. The other testified that no +farther business, except signing the deed was transacted in his +presence. + +Lawyer Colby corroborated this testimony, while Joseph Lee after being +sworn, testified that although Mr. Willard's statements might be true as +to his father's intention to make a second will, he had yet to learn +that such a will had actually been made. + +For want of proof of the existence of a second will, the one then before +the court was set up and Joseph Lee duly appointed executor upon his +deceased father's estate. + + + + +CHAPTER XXV. + + "How may the mother's heart + Dwell on her son, and dare to hope again? + The Spring's rich promise hath been given in vain, + The lovely must depart! + Is _he_ not gone, our brightest and our best? + Come near! and bear the early-called to rest! + + "Ye weep, and it is well! + For tears befit earth's partings! Yesterday + Song was upon the lips of this pale clay, + And sunshine seemed to dwell + Where'er he moved--the welcome and the blessed! + Now gaze and bear the silent unto rest!" MRS. HEMANS. + + +_Friday, March 16th, 1838._ + +My dearly loved mother,--With a heart borne down with sorrow, I take my +pen to communicate the sad intelligence which even as I write my heart +refuses to believe. My sweet little Walter, my first-born son; your only +grandchild, is, alas! no more on earth! + + +_Evening._ + +I could go no farther this morning; the dreadful reality overwhelmed me; +and I could only weep afresh. My dear, doubly _dear_ husband came and +wept with me. Then he took that precious book which contains so many +words of comfort to poor broken hearts, and read passage after passage. +We knelt together, and told Jesus all our sorrow and grief at the loss +of our darling; that our hearts were like to burst that we should see +his face no more,--no more hear his merry laugh, or his shout of +delight. And Jesus, our elder brother, seemed to stand by us, and weep +with us as he did with Mary and Martha of olden time. But at length he +pointed to the beautiful azure sky above, while his tender notes fell +like low sweet music upon our ears, hushing into peace the waves of +sorrow which were roaring and dashing over us. "Beyond those bright +aerial regions is the throne of the eternal. Before him are a multitude +whom no man can number, of little ones who were early transplanted from +this cold and sinful earth to the pure air of heaven. While sinful +nations in affright hide their faces from the searching glance of him +who sitteth upon the throne, yet upon these little ones he lifts the +light of his countenance, and bestows his constant smiles. Your child +washed in my blood, purified and sanctified by my spirit, is among them +swelling with his infant voice the choir who are ever singing, 'worthy +the lamb that was slain for our sins.'" + +Those gracious words from our sympathizing Saviour, soothed our grief, +and were balm to our wounded hearts. When we arose from our knees, we +felt a new attraction to our home beyond the skies. We were the parents +of an angel. + + +_Saturday, March 17th._ + +I feel a painful pleasure in thinking over every circumstance connected +with the sickness and death of my sweet child. While I write, my little +Pauline, who has wept herself sick at the loss of her dear brother, is +sitting on a cricket at my feet with her head resting in my lap. She is +trying to restrain the sobs which ever and anon burst out afresh, from +her tender, affectionate heart. + +"Mamma," says the trembling voice, "will you please tell me more about +that happy place where my brother has gone? Is he playing on his harp +now?" I have quieted her by the promise that when I have written a +letter to her grandmamma in England, I will read it to her. + +On Thursday, the eighth of this month, our beautiful boy appeared +perfectly well. The weather, which had been very windy and bleak, was +unusually mild, and the children could hardly contain their joy at being +able to be out of doors. Walter was warmly clad and placed in his wagon, +while Pauline was only too happy in helping Ann to draw him round the +garden. About ten o'clock the sun was so warm that the walks became damp +from the melting of the frost, and I called them in. Walter was put into +his crib for his nap, which was undisturbed. When he awoke I gazed at +him with pride. His eyes were perfectly brilliant with beauty, his lips +were red as coral and his cheeks rivalled the blush of the rose. As I +held him in my arms and pushed back the curls from his broad, noble +brow, so like his father's, my heart said, "what a beautiful boy, and he +is my own." I was astonished to find him so ready to sit quietly in my +lap while Pauline, by every art of which she was capable, was trying to +decoy him away. He laughed aloud at her antics as she danced about the +room, hiding behind the door, and then with a merry shout bursting out +upon him; but when she said "brother, hide now," he would lay his head +on my breast, and lisp, "tay with mamma." He sat thus nearly an hour, +which was so unusual that I began to feel a little alarm. Frank laughed +at me for indulging such a feeling, merely because he was quiet; and +certainly one could hardly realize danger as they looked upon his face, +which was the very picture of health and beauty. + +After dinner Ann brought him to me in her arms, saying "he wants to lie +quiet, and will not eat his bread and milk." Frank then felt his pulse, +and said it was too quick. He gave me a powder for Walter to take if he +was no better; but in the course of the afternoon, he slid from my lap, +and played an hour or two with his sister. He was not as boisterous as +usual, and seemed disposed to yield in everything to Pauline's wishes. + +When I was putting him into bed she said several times, "Isn't brother a +nice boy, mamma?" + +When my husband came home, he went directly to the crib, and found him +in a gentle perspiration, but still with a feverish pulse. I told him I +had bathed his feet in warm water, which he approved, but thought it +best to give the powder. When I retired he appeared no worse, and +feeling more easy about him, I soon fell asleep. + +I was awakened by a loud, shrill noise from the crib, such as I had +never before heard. With one bound I was at his side, screaming "Frank, +Oh, _Frank_! what can that noise be?" + +Alas, no Frank answered! He had been called away. Whether I had +forgotten it or never knew it until that moment I cannot tell. But +another sound came, more horrible than the first. I ran to Ann's room +and told her to ring for Cæsar and Phebe. Then I flew back to my boy, my +darling boy. He seemed to be suffocated. I caught him in my arms, and +tossed him to catch his breath. Oh! how frightened he looked. Soon Ann +and all came rushing into the room. + +"Oh, Cæsar!" I cried, "where is your master?" + +Without another word he went in search of him. Ann ran for mother and +sister, while Phebe hurried to the kitchen, and brought some olive oil +which she succeeded in pouring down his throat. + +"Don't be scare missus, it's de croup. Mass'r Frank cures heaps o' +chilen sick wid it. Ole Phebe knows God not send for dis chile yet." + +I wrung my hands. Before Cæsar could have had time to harness I began to +expect him back. + +Mother soon came in and took my boy from me, telling me to dress. I +forgot that I had only thrown on a wrapper. Mother was so calm I began +to hope it was not so bad as I feared. She had already sent Phebe for +hot water; telling Emily to go to the medicine chest, and procure a +bottle of antimonial wine. This she gave at once, and with his little +feet and limbs in very warm water, while he was wrapped in blankets, he +appeared better. But he looked at me with such an imploring expression +as he said "mamma," that the tone stirred the deepest fountains of my +heart. + +"Oh, my darling!" I cried, "mamma would help you if she could!" Oh, how +the little breast heaved; and he grew worse again,--every minute he grew +worse. Mother said not a word, but kept administering to him. + +"Where can Cæsar be?" she said at length, and I knew from her looks she +feared the worst. + +Then I heard a horse come dashing up to the door, and Frank almost flew +into the room. + +"Thank God!" was all that mother could say. The poor father knelt before +his boy. His mother told him in a word what she had done. Oh! the look +of indescribable agony that passed over his face as he found he was +_too_ late! + +_Our boy was dying!_ + +Frank would not give up even then, but said "while there is life there +is hope." But the breast heaved more feebly--the shrill sound gradually +ceased--until lying in the arms of his grandmother, with his father and +mother kneeling before him--his precious hand encircling my finger, he +gave one last, lingering look at each of the group standing around him, +and without a struggle or a sigh--only a slight shudder, he fell sweetly +asleep. + +After a few moments, so calm, so untroubled was that beautiful brow, so +sweetly smiled those ruby lips, that as I gazed, I could not believe the +spirit had fled. I could hardly refrain from catching him in my arms. + +"Walter! oh, _Walter_!!" I cried, "can't you speak once more to poor +mamma?" I passionately kissed his brow, his eyes, his beautiful +lips!--oh, how proud I had been of those pouting, red lips; but they +would never speak again. + +I felt a strong arm put around me, and a kind voice told me I must not +stay. My dear husband led me to the library, while mother, with Emily +and Ann, performed the last offices for the dearly loved one. + +"Oh, Frank!" said I, "why, _why_ were you gone?" + +He hid his face in his hands, and his bosom heaved convulsively. It is +dreadful to see a man weep. I put my arms around his neck, and we wept +long and bitterly. It was so sudden, the blow staggered me. It was now +morning. Only yesterday morning, and my Walter was well; now, where is +he? + +I started. "Oh! what will Pauline say?" + +Frank went softly up stairs, and found her quietly sleeping, and he did +not awake her. How I dreaded her awaking! When I looked up, as Frank +came into the room, I was shocked at the pallor of his countenance; his +lips were closely shut, and I started to my feet, almost fearing he were +about to fall. He pressed me tightly in his arms for a moment, and then +we silently lifted up our hearts to God for strength to say, "Thy will +be done." + +After this, I was, myself, astonished at the calmness which stole over +me. I went to my chamber, though he would have detained me; and there I +saw my little one more beautiful than ever. The impress of heaven was +upon his brow! + +By his side stood Pauline in her night dress; her long curls hanging +carelessly down her back, her eyes distended, her lips parted as if to +speak. With one hand she touched the little fingers laid together upon +the breast, then started back, awed by the marble coldness. I sprang +toward her and caught her in my arms. So quietly had she stepped from +her low bed in the adjoining room, and come to see if her brother was +awake, that mother and sister who sat weeping at the farther end of the +apartment, had not noticed her until I entered. + +"Mamma," asked the frightened voice, "what is the matter with my +brother? his hands are very cold." + +I put a shawl around her, sat down with her in my lap, and began to tell +her, but burst into tears. She heard sobbing, and looked from one to +another frightened, and wondering. + +Emily came and tried to tell her that her dear little brother had gone +to God. + +She pointed to the crib, as if to say he was there. + +Emily said, "his soul has gone to God." + +"And has papa's soul gone too?" she asked quickly, "my brother couldn't +go alone; he was too little." + +Oh, how my tears burst forth afresh! + +"Pauline," said Emily, "the angels came from heaven to take dear little +Walter's soul up to God. Jesus wanted him there." + +"How long will he have to stay there?" + +"Oh, Pauline!" I exclaimed, "he will never, _never_ come back, we shall +never see him again." + +The poor stricken child sobbed aloud. Mother took her from me. "Go to +Frank," she whispered, "and I will try to soothe her." + +I went below, and softly entered the library, where my dear husband +knelt by the sofa, with his face buried in his hands. I went gently to +his side, when he put his arm around me. I whispered, "pray for me too." +And in a broken voice, interrupted by convulsive sobs, he did pray that +we might not murmur at this stroke of our father's rod. + +After a while, I heard a gentle knock at the door, and Cæsar's voice +asking if mass'r Frank would please eat some breakfast. When he saw me, +the poor man cried aloud. Oh! what an idol he had made of his young +master! His large faithful heart was swelling with grief, which he had +in vain tried to control. I gave him my hand, and found a world of +comfort in his sympathizing tears. + +"Oh, missus Lenox!" said he sobbing, "I 'spects 'twas God's will." + +"Yes, Cæsar, but it's hard for my poor heart to say 'Thy will be done.' +You must pray for me, Cæsar." + +"Oh, missus!" said he, "we'se all got to pray for dat." + +I left Frank walking the room, and went up stairs where mother was +dressing Pauline. Ann I found sitting on a trunk in her chamber, with +her head upon the bed, weeping bitterly. + +"My good Ann," I said, "will you come in and stay by the side of the +crib while we are below?" I tried to compose myself, but broke down +again. + +"I can't, oh, I can't!" she cried, "don't ask me. I can't see him yet." +Finding her in such a condition, I left her, and begged mother to allow +me to remain with my boy; but she said, it was my duty to go below to my +husband. It was in vain for us to try to eat. Pauline sobbed so +violently, that her father was obliged to hold her in his arms to soothe +her. I severely blamed myself for saying what I said to the sensitive +child. + +"My little daughter," said Frank in a most touching tone, "when you say +your prayers, do not you ask God to make you a good child, so that you +can go to heaven? And then you prayed God last night to make your little +brother good, so that he could go; did you not ask this?" + +She could hardly speak, but she sobbed out, "I didn't ask God to take +him so soon, I wanted us to go together." + +Her father could but press her to his heart. How often had we prayed +that they might be fitted for heaven; but alas! had not dreamed of such +a sudden separation. + + +_Tuesday, March 20th._ + +Our little one lies buried in a shady knoll at the end of the garden, +and there, when I have done with time, I hope to be laid beside him. +Many times in the day do we bend our steps to the quiet retreat, and +weep over the little grave. Pauline weeps less, and by the deep +spiritual light in her eyes, I think she begins to understand something +of the glory and purity of that world where her beloved brother has +gone. + +Our good friends Cæsar, Phebe, Ann, and Ruth, have shared so truly in +our grief, that I feel as if they were related to us. Poor Ann is +almost unfitted for everything. Whenever she sees his clothes or toys +she weeps afresh. + +With regard to myself, I feel at times a submission to the divine will, +and even can realize the blessedness of my child in being with his +Saviour, freed from sin and temptation to do evil; and then I am calm. +But the merest trifle unnerves me. I have not had the heart to put away +his clothes, and his little cap and cloak have hung in the hall as +heretofore. A day or two since, I missed the cap from the hook, and +going into the library I found my dear husband in an agony of grief over +it. I was thankful that I was now able to be the comforter. + + +_Thursday, June 7th._ + +I suppose ere this you have received the sad intelligence in my last, +together with one of later date from Frank. + +I have but just arrived at home from a journey to B---- and some other +places. I was exceedingly unwilling to leave my husband, whose duty +detained him at home. But both on my own account and Pauline's, he +thought it best to change the scene. + +If it were not for the night, I could control my feelings; but I dream +of my boy, and awake to find myself childless. Often he seems to stand +by me or float before me in the air, and that dreadful, agonized "mamma" +he uttered, rings in my ears, and awakes me in affright. + +Of late, however, I have been less disturbed, and my dreams of him are +delightful. Frank is unwilling to have me dwell so much upon my sorrow, +and when I see him, though pale and suffering, going on quietly with his +round of duties, I feel reproved. + +I commenced writing of our journey. We went directly to B---- after +receiving a very kind invitation from uncle and aunt Morgan. Mother came +over to the house to be with her son, and Emily accompanied me. Our +journey was shorter than the former one, being all the way by railroad. +We found our thoughtful cousin waiting for us at the station. The sight +of his smiling face brought my little Walter so forcibly to mind, that I +was completely overcome. Poor fellow! he was much distressed, and tried +to soothe me. Pauline was delighted to see him, and put her hand in his, +as confidingly as of old. + +Uncle and aunt received us with parental tenderness. I was glad to hear +from them so good an account of their son. He has gone into business in +B----, and bids fair not only to be a wealthy, but a useful man. He went +unknown to his parents and collected a Sabbath-school in the outskirts +of the town, and in a place where the inhabitants had heretofore been +regarded as too abandoned to be reclaimed. Here for a year past he has +spent all the time he could command from other duties, during the week, +as well as on the Sabbath, and now it is called the "Morgan parish." + +Many who have known Joseph from babyhood, shook their heads when he +commenced this labor of love; and thought, he only intended it for a new +frolic,--that the novelty would soon pass away, and he would tire of the +confinement. But as they see him more and more interested in his school, +comprising now not only children, but parents, they feel a great respect +for the young man. + +I am quite amused at the way he treats Pauline, a little maiden of five +years. He never plays with her, as it would be natural for him to do +with a child of her age, but appears to regard her as something sacred; +and is as delicate in his attentions as if she had numbered four times +five years. + +But cousin has not lost his character for fun. He would not be Joseph if +he had; but he is very careful in his jokes not to wound the feelings of +others. Then his manner of treating his parents is so much more +respectful than formerly. Dear uncle and aunt! With what pride do they +look upon his fine manly form and his bright happy face. Then they know +this is a sure index of his heart. I found out his age while we were +there, which was less than I had supposed. But I will keep his secret. + +After a delightful visit at B---- we returned by a somewhat circuitous +route to visit other relatives, to whom I was not an entire stranger, +having met them at mother's. Pauline was very much delighted with +travelling, and Emily took pains to point out to her every object of +interest. + +I must not omit to mention a circumstance which occurred before we left +B----. Joseph was reading various items from a New York paper while we +sat around the breakfast table to which we all listened with interest, +when he came upon the following. "We learn that the Honorable Mr. +Karswell, and family, of the firm of C. M. Karswell and brothers, are +about to leave by the packet ship Cambria for Liverpool, where he is to +meet his son, who has been travelling for a number of years in company +with a distinguished clergyman, formerly settled in Waverley, +Massachusetts, when they intend to make the tour of Europe and to visit +the Holy Land. Mr. Karswell considers himself very fortunate in having +been able to avail himself of the company of Mr. Benson in their +travels; he being familiar with the languages of the countries through +which they pass; and every way a great acquisition." + +I could not tell how Emily looked, for I took particular pains to be +occupied with Pauline, but I am sure my own face burned. + +"Well," said uncle, "pass on to the next," little aware what an interest +that small item had to some of the hearers. Emily soon made an excuse to +leave the room, and I thought it best not to revert to the subject. In +the course of the day I looked over the paper to see if any part of this +communication had been omitted in the reading; when to my astonishment +it was nicely cut out. + +Aunt looked up at my expression of surprise and said, "O! Emily asked if +we had done with the paper, she wanted to cut out a pattern of +something." I had my own thoughts, but of course said nothing, and so +the subject passed. I may as well say here that on my return, I asked +Frank what family Mr. Karswell had, and learned that there were two +accomplished daughters. He has been a widower many years, and the eldest +daughter has kept house for him. The younger one, Gertrude, Frank says, +gave promise of great beauty. + +Frank was a little troubled about the cutting out of that "pattern" from +the paper, especially as Emily did it so secretly. "If she loves him +yet," said he, "she has had a severe punishment for her proud +dissimulation." + +On our return from New York, and when we were within thirty miles of +home, the cars were full, and Emily was separated from us by two seats, +Pauline and I being together. A gentleman who was a stranger to me took +the vacant seat by sister. He was very much browned, as if he had come +from a foreign clime, but altogether a noble specimen of man. After a +few moments I was astonished to see them in the full tide of +conversation, Emily being more interested than I had seen her for many a +day. The burden of the conversation at length devolved upon her, while +he grew more and more taciturn, until I saw that he put his handkerchief +to his eyes and was much overcome by what she said. As she turned a +little toward her companion, I saw that her own eyes were humid with +tears; and I wondered at the meaning of this emotion. Fortunately for my +curiosity, we soon reached a station, and the persons sitting in front +of us left. Emily and her companion immediately arose and availed +themselves of this seat. + +I was not a little surprised, as well as pleased, when Emily said to me, +"Do you remember, Cora, I told you about Edward Ryland, brother to your +little Anna's mother?" + +"Yes, perfectly." + +"Well, this is he, just returned from India. He has not heard from his +sister for many years. I have been giving him a sketch of her history." + +I cordially gave him my hand, which he grasped so warmly, that I did not +recover from the pressure during the remainder of our ride. He begged +for all the news, saying, "I am absolutely famished for intelligence +from home friends." He was very much affected at hearing of the +reformation and peaceful death of Squire Lee; and shocked though not +much astonished at the conduct of Joseph. From his frequent inquiries +concerning families in Waverley, I more than suspected there was some +one in that place whom the thought of meeting thrilled his soul with the +sentiment, + + + "My heart's so full of joy, + That I shall do some wild extravagance + Of love in public; and the foolish world, + Which knows not tenderness, will think me mad." + + +We were so much engaged in talking as to be unaware of our near approach +to Crawford, and sprang hastily to our feet as the conductor called out +the familiar name. Inviting Mr. Ryland to make us an early call, we took +a carriage and drove home, where we had no reason to complain of our +reception. I went into the house very gently, and pushing open the +library door, I saw my own dear Frank sitting, reading with his back to +the entrance. I crept softly across the room, and put my arms around his +neck. He sprang to his feet letting his book fall, and caught me in his +arms. + +"My wife, mine own, I will never let you leave me again. If you go, I +shall follow. I am good for nothing without you.-- + + "Thinkest thou + That I could live, and let thee go, + Who art my life itself?--no--no." + +We then went to find mother and all the dear family. I had been dreading +the return for fear my grief would overpower me; but I was graciously +supported. Frank was very kind, and kept us busily talking. I believe +Emily told every circumstance which had happened during our absence, +(which I omitted I mean) except the one unimportant fact of her begging +and saving as a choice article, an inch of waste paper. + + +_Monday, September 10th._ + +Allen Mansfield and Lucy are very pleasantly settled near us. Mrs. +Burns, and one of the chambermaids from Lee Hall form their +establishment, together with a little stranger a week old, who has +already received the name of Emily Lenox. Frank says, Lucy is +exceedingly happy and grateful for the sweet treasure. + +There is one event connected with this family, however, which has cast a +gloom over the whole town, at least the sober part of it. The +distillery, which was closed very soon after Squire Lee was taken sick, +has been started again, and is now in full tide of operation under the +energetic management of an agent procured by Joseph. He is absent and +Lee Hall is closed. Report says, he has gone abroad in company with his +inseparable companion, Mr. Colby. It is really saddening to think of a +young man of good talents, as Mr. Colby appeared to be, so entirely led +away and ruined by bad company. For many months before they went away, +his office was closed, and he made no pretensions to business. He had +his home entirely with Joseph, if home it could be called, where there +was drinking and fighting both in the parlors and in the kitchen. Many +times the man who professedly kept up the establishment, had to call in +help to separate Mr. Colby and Joseph. When drunk, they tried to kill +each other; but when sober, or partly so, were apparently the best of +friends. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI. + + "LOVE!--what a volume in a word, an ocean in a tear!" TUPPER. + + +_Wednesday, June 10th, 1840._ + +DEAREST MOTHER,--It is a week since sister Nelly sailed for home. I am +so lost without her, that I have determined to resume my journal which +has been interrupted for nearly two years. + +I can never sufficiently thank you for sparing her to me so long. I sent +many messages by her which I could not find time to write. If you are as +much interested in my friends as she was, she will give you the latest +intelligence from them. She would not be contented until she had +received an introduction in person. Many of them exceedingly regret her +departure. + +The family of Mrs. Reynolds, she liked much, though she could not see +Anna, as she was adopted by her uncle Edward soon after his marriage, +and lives in New York. My suspicions were very soon confirmed with +regard to him, by an invitation to a wedding at his sister's, where I +was introduced to a Miss Grant, who in a few moments became Mrs. Edward +Ryland. + +Miss Grant had waited patiently for her lover all these years; with a +woman's true heart refusing to listen for a moment to other proposals of +marriage. Even her own parents were not aware of the state of her +affections, and had often urged her to give a reason for not wishing to +settle in life. All the reason the poor girl could give, was that she +did not love the suitor. But her faithfulness is now rewarded, and Mr. +Ryland hastened with his bride to New York to become a partner in the +firm for which he went to India. + +Mrs. Reynolds was very unwilling to part with Anna, more especially on +account of her husband's health, who would, she feared, miss the lovely +child. At that time William was very feeble, and it was feared that his +exposures in his wanderings from home in former years might bring on +consumption. But for a year past he has enjoyed perfect health. I +suppose, Nelly will tell you that a little miss has come to take Anna's +place, and that she is called Cora Lenox Reynolds. I never liked the +name better than when I have seen the little creature come shyly up to +me, turning her head one side and the other, and looking out from under +her curls to take something I had carried; and heard her lisp out her +name, "Cowa Lenox." The Doctor makes a great pet of her, and is so much +delighted with her name that it would be no wonder to me, if by and by +there should be quite a regiment of Cora Lenoxes among his patients. In +that case I should find it cheaper to import a quantity of silver cups +than to purchase them here. + +I have no doubt much as Nelly desired to see the dear home friends, that +long ere this she has wished herself back for one more frolic with her +little namesake. When I say to the darling, "Baby want to see Aunt +Nelly?" she crows and screams with delight. We all think her very like +sister; the same deep blue eyes, and fair complexion, so different from +her beautiful brother who looked far more like a Lenox. I sometimes +smile as strangers notice the striking resemblance of Pauline to her +father. I used to fancy the same thing myself when she was a baby. + +I long for the return of our dear friends Allen and Lucy, who took +sister in charge as far as New York, and saw her safely on board ship. +They enclosed me a short note from her, with her last farewell just +before she sailed. Emily says, "it seems as if half Crawford were gone." +We are all lonely without the lively girl. + +Miss Nelly calls and I must obey. Frank says, I am not half as strict +with her as I was with Pauline or Walter; and it may be true; I feel so +uncertain of her life, since our sweet boy was taken away so suddenly. + + +_Thursday, June 18th._ + +Allen and Lucy returned yesterday, and we all went in to spend the +evening with them. Miss Emily Mansfield was allowed to sit up to welcome +her mamma, and could not be persuaded to leave her for a moment. Sister +is very proud of her little namesake. + +We had been talking of sister Nelly and other topics in a lively manner, +when Lucy suddenly started, saying, "Bye the bye, Emily, who do you +think we saw on our way to Philadelphia?" and without waiting for a +reply, "Mr. Benson, who used to be settled in Waverley. I thought at one +time that he was a flame of yours; but he is married now; and to one of +the most beautiful creatures I ever saw. She was leaning on his arm and +looking up in his face with the most wife-like fondness." + +Lucy talked so rapidly, and was so rejoiced to be the first to tell the +news, that she did not appear to notice the effect it had on her +hearers. If I had done _anything_, I should have burst out crying. I had +woven so many pretty romances about his coming home faithful to sister, +and all that, and finding out she did love him. + +As no one spoke, Frank said with the utmost calmness, "he married Miss +Karswell, I suppose, sister of the young man with whom he has been +travelling." + +"No, not sister," replied Lucy, "but a cousin, who accompanied his +sisters. Our informant who knew the family well, told me that Charles +was not altogether pleased, as he wished to marry his cousin himself. +She is a Southerner; and they were on their way to the south. He is so +much altered that I should hardly have known him, if it were not for his +mouth and voice. I stood near them in the boat, and heard him say, he +wished her parents were to meet them in Philadelphia instead of +Charleston, for it would be extremely warm there at this season. She +replied, 'it shall be my endeavor to make it so delightful to you, that +you will forget the heat.'" + +"Didn't you speak to them?" I asked, recovering my voice. + +"Yes, but it was just as we were leaving. He seemed really annoyed that +I had not made myself known at once. I told him I was not sure for some +time whether it were really he." + +"'Am I then so much altered?' said he sadly; but at the same time a +beautiful smile played for one instant around his mouth, and vanished." + +"Then you were not introduced to his lady?" + +"No, though she kept tight hold of his arm, and seemed almost impatient +that he stopped even that short space. Altogether he was the most +distinguished gentleman on board the boat, always excepting my own +husband," she added, with a merry glance at him. + +When the conversation turned to another theme, I ventured to look at +Emily. To my astonishment, she appeared to be wholly engrossed in a new +book, she had taken from the table; but on looking a moment I perceived +a deadly pallor about her mouth; and suddenly remembered that we were +making a very long call upon persons just returned. + +When we were at home, I merely ran to take a peep into the nursery, and +finding all quiet, I begged Frank to excuse me for a few moments. + +"Where is Emily?" I asked of mother. + +"She went to her room to lay aside her bonnet." + +I followed, and found the poor girl in the very abandonment of grief. +She had tossed her bonnet into a chair, and was kneeling by the bed, +with her arms thrown over her head, which was buried in the pillow. + +I knelt by her side, putting my arms around her. "Dear sister," I said, +"don't weep so. Do let me comfort you." But I stopped; what could I say? + +After a few moments, she arose and sat by me. "Oh, Emily!" I said, "if +you look so, you will break my heart." + +"I believe," she replied in a mournful tone, putting her hand to her +side, "that mine is broken. I thought I had schooled myself to hear +this. I ought to have expected it; but oh! I have deceived myself." + +I was never more embarrassed for words to express sympathy, and was +awkwardly silent. + +"Cora," said she, looking at me, "there is no human being but yourself +whom I would allow to witness my"--she hesitated, "my grief at this +intelligence. My poor mother would be so pained, if she knew her +daughter loved another woman's husband." This last sentence was spoken +in her old bitter tone, and carried me back to past years. "And it shall +not be. To-morrow you will see me the same as ever. Please, dear +sister," she added, in a softened tone, "never allude to my grief. It +will soon be over." + +It was only when she spoke of herself that her voice was harsh and +severe. I looked with admiration at her as she drew up her form, and +revealed the Lenox will, Frank sometimes refers to. + +Mother looked very happy as her daughter came in smiling and talking of +Lucy's improved appearance since her return. My face was by far the +sadder of the two. I have never been able to conceal my feelings. "Dear +mother," I thought as I bid her good night, "you would not sleep much if +you knew what an aching heart lay beneath that smiling face." + + +_Saturday, June 20th._ + +Cæsar carried me and my smaller treasures this afternoon to see Aunt +Susy, who has been rather failing in health this summer. Pauline has +been with me several times, and is always delighted to accompany me +there. But now I was going to introduce my little Nelly, though not +without some fears that the squeezing she would get, would frighten the +timid little thing. Aunt Susy is no longer able to watch at the door to +see who goes by; but her heart has not grown cold while sitting in her +easy chair. I stepped into the entry and knocked at the inner door. + +"Walk right in!" In obedience to this invitation, I opened the door, and +with Nelly in my arms, went up to the old lady. She looked over her +glasses for a moment as if she did not recognize me with my baby, and +before she could say anything, I laid the little miss in her lap. + +"Bless its little soul," said Aunt Susy, carefully laying aside her +knitting where the needles couldn't hurt the child. "Well Miss Lenox, if +that don't beat all. I never know'd you'd got another;" and to pay for +being kept in ignorance, she began in good earnest to squeeze it to her +large warm heart. The baby crowed with delight, and as oft as she had a +kiss, would give a snatch for the glasses. All this time Pauline and her +mother stood by unnoticed, while the dear child had her little red lips +made up for a kiss. + +"Here, Aunt Susy," I said, "give me the baby, this young lady is waiting +her turn." + +The good woman went into the business fundamentally, and now that she +undertook with Pauline, she was in no haste to get through. When they +stopped to take breath she looked in Pauline's face. "La! it beats all +natur how she grows like her pa." + +The dear soul had forgotten the fact which interested her so much years +ago, and really supposed the child to be our own. + +"There's--what do you call her?" + +"Ellen," I answered. + +"There's Ellen now, looks more like you, while Pauline is clear father. +I'll venture he sets a sight by her." + +Pauline laughed, though she didn't know exactly the meaning of the +latter phrase. + +"Blessed little soul," she resumed with another squeeze, "what made you +think o' that?" + +"Because," said Pauline, "you are so kind." + +I looked inquiringly at the whisperer. + +"La!" said Aunt Susy wiping her eyes, "the dear little cretur says she +loves me, and I don't know what it's for, if 'taint that I loved your pa +long enough afore you was born; and I used to hold him on my lap, and +sing 'Ride a jack horse to Banbury cross,' and he'd laugh as hearty as +the baby did just now." + +At this very moment Mrs. Wilson returned from the garden, when her +mother called out, "Darter, did you ever hear tell that Doctor Frank had +had another baby?" + +"Oh, yes, mother!" she answered, shaking hands with me, "and you knew it +too at the time, but you've forgotten." + +"Well, p'r'aps I did," she said with a sigh, "my memory's grown very +poor; but I haven't forgotten where my Saviour is," she added, her +countenance brightening, "nor he wont forget me; though sometimes I'm +almost tempted to fear he don't altogether remember how long I've been +expecting he'd send for me to go home. Every morning I ask him if it's +God's will to take me before night; and every night I pray to go before +the sun rises. But he knows best, and I try not to feel impatient o' +waiting for him." + +I cannot describe the holy expression of the dear old lady as she said +this. + + +_Thursday, June 25th._ + +How little I thought when I wrote the last sentence, that I should never +more feel that warm embrace; never meet those eyes beaming with love. +The dear blessed woman is now where she so longed and prayed to be. Her +Saviour had not forgotten her, but came during the silent watches of the +night and took her home. + +So silently did she resign her spirit to her beloved Lord, that not even +her daughter, whose room joins hers, and who heard her whispering her +prayers and hymns after she retired, knew aught of the solemn visitor. +But he was not unexpected, or unwelcome to the sleeper. She was so +impatient to answer the summons, she could not stop to bid farewell to +her earthly friends. Her Saviour called, and she hastened to obey. + +In the morning Mrs. Wilson, after waiting beyond the usual time, stepped +softly to the bed side of her mother. Struck dumb by the gloriously +joyous expression, she went back to the sitting room and beckoned her +husband to look before she awoke the sleeper, then leaning forward, +said, "mother, _mother_!" + +"Oh! wonder not, motherless daughter, that she is deaf to your call. Her +ears are listening to notes of heavenly music which ravish her soul. Her +eyes are feasting on her Saviour, and she is satisfied, now that she +beholds his face in glory!" + +I could not resist the wish to see that beautiful countenance once more +before it was forever buried from sight; and my dear Frank went with me +to the chamber of death. I felt very sad as we approached the house; but +when I entered the room where I had always seen her, and looked beneath +the linen cloth which covered her from view, I could not weep. I felt as +if I had caught a glimpse of heaven. + +"Surely," said I, "that wonderful smile is not of earth." + +"Perhaps," said Frank, "it was the smile of welcome to the messenger who +summoned her home. Death was a welcome guest to her." + +As we gazed we could follow her rapt spirit to the mansions of the +blessed, and behold her heart ever more expanding with love to her +Saviour and her God. + + + "Thy face + Is all at once spread over with a calm + More beautiful than sleep, or mirth, or joy." + + +_Wednesday, July 29th._ + +We have heard that there are great preparations making in Waverley for +the welcome of their former pastor. It is now more than a year since Mr. +Tyler left them for another field of labor; and when the parish heard +that Mr. Benson had returned, they gave him a unanimous call to +resettle with them. They have not received a regular answer to their +call; but only that he will be with them, providence permitting, the +second Sabbath in August. They seem to feel sure, however, that he will +prefer to settle with the people of his first love. And they are ready +to offer him a better support than they were able to do formerly. The +young men are fitting up the grounds about the parsonage, and the whole +village is alive with interest. I can't tell whether to be glad or +sorry. Perhaps if Emily were to see him often, she would the sooner +conquer any remaining interest she may feel for him. + +Since that first night, if she is indulging grief, she deceives even me. +Indeed, I told Frank to-day, after she left the room, that I considered +her uncommonly cheerful. But he thought otherwise, and gravely shook his +head. + + +_Thursday, July 30th._ + +The parish committee in Waverley have received a communication from Mr. +Benson, that he hopes to be with them on Thursday, the sixth day of +August, and should be happy to meet any of his old people in the vestry +or at any place they may appoint. No sooner did they hear this than they +determined that it should be a feast of welcome. They are perfectly +enthusiastic in their love for him. I only hope his wife may be a +suitable help-meet. + +Mr. and Mrs. Munroe called here to-day to invite us in behalf of the +managing committee to be present on the occasion; I answered vaguely, +"that if the Doctor were at liberty," etc., etc. + + +_Friday, July 31st._ + +I am astonished at Emily--here she has been planning a journey to C---- +and has never let us know it until to-day. I went in this morning to +give her and mother the invitation left by Mr. Munroe. She answered +gayly, "I should be happy to go, but I shall be far away before that +time." + +"Where?" I asked in surprise. + +"Oh, somewhere among the Catskill Mountains; but," she continued, "Ruth +and I have made a nice loaf of cake. It is bride's cake," she added, +laughing gayly, as she brought from the closet a large loaf beautifully +frosted. I forgot to mention, that cake, fruits, and flowers had been +solicited for the occasion. + +"Cæsar," said Emily, "has promised me two bouquets made in his best +style; and remember, Mr. Benson is to hold one and his wife the other." +Then, with a low courtesy in acknowledgment of my profound amazement, +she deposited the cake in the closet again. + +"Emily," said I, as mother answered a summons from the room, "I do +believe you're getting crazed." + +"Why?" + +"Because you laugh so much, and act so strangely." + +"Well, dear sister," said she, growing very grave, "if crying will suit +you any better, I can easily do that," and leaning her head upon the +table, with her arms for her pillow, she gave way to a passionate burst +of grief. + + + "And sorrow too finds some relief + In tears which wait upon our grief." + + +I stood in the middle of the room perfectly confounded, and was +hesitating whether I ought not to run home for Frank, when hearing a +distant door shut she started up, throwing her arms around my neck, and +said hurriedly, "Dear sister, don't look so very sad. It has been a hard +struggle; but it is almost over. I seldom give way as I have done now; +that is too great a luxury to be indulged in often." + + + "At times e'en bitter tears yield sweet relief." + + +She turned to leave me; but I persisted in following her to her room. +We sat down after I had closed the door. Turning from our late subject, +she began to say something in a careless tone. + +"Don't, Emily, don't speak so, that makes me feel worse than anything." + +"Cora," she exclaimed in an excited tone, as unlike the other, as if she +were a different person, "_Cora_, what do you think you should do, if +after all the years you've loved Frank, you should suddenly find out +some day, you were committing sin every moment you continued to love +him? Supposing you should some day find out he had another wife?" + +"Oh! sister," I answered, "I should die, I couldn't help loving Frank." + +"No, that would be too easy; I'll tell you what you should do," drawing +herself up to her full height, and looking almost like a queen. "You +must tear up your love by the roots; you must never allow one tender +thought of him. Drive them out. _Drive them away!_ You must keep saying +to yourself, '_It is sin against God! It is sin against my own soul!_' +Night and day you must do this." + +"Dear, darling sister," said I, weeping upon her neck, "Is this the way +you have to do?" I stood back and gazed at her with admiration. Never +had she seemed more beautiful. Her whole countenance was brilliant with +excitement; and she looked like one whose mind was made up to conquer or +to die. But as I stood, she put her arm lovingly around me. "Dearest +sister, I have done wrong to pain you thus; and for my own sake I must +avoid such scenes. I must struggle and conquer alone. No, not alone," +she added in a subdued voice, "my Saviour will aid me." + +I took my leave, wondering if Mr. Benson had ever known a pang like +hers. I acknowledged to myself a rising prejudice against the man for +loving another. + + +_Saturday, August 1st._ + +Emily is not quite well, and has postponed her journey until the first +of the week. How entirely mother is deceived by her calmness. She spoke +to me of it with tears in her eyes, and said she was so thankful that +the dear girl was quiet in her feelings. How little we know of the +misery that is passing before our eyes! But Emily is a noble hearted +woman; and she will not allow her grief, which she always remembers is +the effect of her own insincerity, to trouble her friends. I have no +doubt, I should sink under such a blow. My heart aches when I think my +tender-hearted, sensitive Pauline may be destined to such a trial. But +if she has not the Lenox blood in her, she certainly has a great deal of +character, and never will make a tame woman. I wonder what her little +sister will be? + + +_Wednesday, August 5th._ + +If I can steady my hand sufficiently to hold a pen I will tell you some +news. I went this afternoon to the village on an errand for Emily, who +is still suffering from an attack of her old complaint, the nervous +head-ache. In company with Pauline, I was walking home slowly, as it is +very warm, when a gentleman passed me on horse-back. I did not recognize +him; but when I addressed some remark to Pauline, he turned, sprang from +his horse, and was by my side in a moment. + +"Mr. Benson!" I exclaimed in a glad voice, for at the time I only felt +my old respect for him. His manner was very cordial; and I could not but +acknowledge that he was greatly improved by his travels. But as he grew +more free, I became more embarrassed, and as he walked by my side +leading his horse, I began to wonder what I should do with him. He took +great notice of Pauline, in whom he was formerly much interested. He had +not yet inquired for sister, and I determined to give him no chance. "I +am surprised," I said, "to see you on horse-back." + +"I was always fond of the exercise, and I have almost lived on the +backs of horses, or rather mules and camels for the last five years." + +"But _now_," said I, hesitating, meaning without his wife. + +His countenance brightened with a smile, as he said, "You will find me +very little changed in my tastes. I am just the same man." + +I blushed with indignation, and wanted to say, "no, you are very much +altered, for you are a married man." "Where is your wife?" I asked, +after a pause. + +He started and looked me full in the face. Seeing I still waited for an +answer, he said, "I did not understand you." + +"Where is _Mrs._ Benson?" I repeated. + +For an instant he looked terribly stern. Then recovering himself, and +evidently forcing a laugh, said, "that is a question far easier to ask +than to answer." + +I made no reply, but looked at him in astonishment. + +Seeing me very serious, he said, "I fear you are laboring under a +mistake, and are giving me more than is my due. I have not the happiness +to be a married man." + +I'm sure, I can't tell whether I screamed, or not; I know I felt like +it. "And aren't you about to be married to Miss Karswell, from the +South?" I asked eagerly. + +He bit his lips as he smiled and looked down, but presently said, "I +have not even that honor." + +"And not to"--I checked myself in much confusion. + +"Dear Mrs. Lenox," said he, taking my hand, "I see you are the same kind +friend as ever," and bowing adieu he sprang upon his horse and rode +away, looking back to send his regards to my husband. I had not time or +presence of mind to invite him to call. But as soon as we were in our +own grounds, I flew along the walks, up the steps into the library, +hoping Frank had returned. I must tell somebody. Fortunately he was +there. I ran across the room, and began to caress him so convulsively +that he started up to see what could have happened. + +"Why, Cora, you're all in a heat. What excites you so?" + +"Wait till I can get my breath," said I, "Oh, Frank! I'm so glad! Mr. +Benson isn't married!" + +"But where is Miss Karswell from the South?" said he sternly. + +"You need not look so grave, I _don't care_ where she is; only I know he +is neither married nor engaged to her." + +"How do you know?" he inquired in a doubting tone. + +"Because I asked him, and he told me so." + +Frank now began to be as much astonished, and as eager for news as I +wished. I commenced at the beginning and related all the conversation. +"Now Frank," said I, when I had finished, "Emily mustn't go to C----. +Even if I had not seen Mr. Benson, and found out the mistake under which +we were laboring, she is not really well enough to undertake the journey +alone; and I feel confident that her only object in going was to avoid +meeting him at present." + +"I grant all this, my dear, and love you for your enthusiastic interest +in your sister; but you are going too fast; and jumping at a conclusion +which may be far from true, that because he is not engaged to be married +to one particular lady at the South, it necessarily follows that he must +be in love with and wishing to marry a lady who haughtily refused him +five years ago. I can't say, my dear, I think logic is exactly your +forte." + +"I don't wish any logic applied to my love nor to that of those with +whom I have to do. I want nothing but the outbursting of a full heart +which overleaps all the deductions of logic. I shouldn't think much of +any man's love, much less of a woman's," said I proudly, "who stopped to +reason and calculate." + +Frank smiled, as he saw me working myself up into such an excitement. +"Well," said he, "I think I can name one man who reasoned and +calculated, as you so indignantly express it, and who, being well +convinced that reason justified and approved his love, he then +calculated his chance of success, and finding that a pair of bright eyes +grew brighter at his approach, and that notwithstanding all the owner's +efforts to prevent it, the blushes burned upon her cheeks, he continued, + + + "'You know, you must have known, + I long have lov'd--lov'd you alone, + But cannot know how dearly.' + + 'He told her if his hopes were cross'd, + His every aim in life was lost. + She knew he spoke sincerely.'" + + +"Then encouraged by her downcast looks, he allowed his heart free vent, +and soon found himself the fortunate owner of the most true, and loving +heart that ever man was blessed with." + +I was completely overcome, though I tried to conceal it. "Oh!" said I, +"if the lords of creation were only not so vain. There might be ten +thousand things to make one blush beside"--but I felt my own cheeks +burn, and I concluded to return to the original subject. Frank advised +me certainly to tell Emily what I had intended, but by no means to +encourage in her the idea that Mr. Benson wished to renew his addresses +to her. + +"You don't know, Emily," I said, "as well as I do. She has as proud a +spirit as your own; and I think, she would die rather than to allow any +one to suppose, she were sitting meekly waiting his affection." + + +_Thursday, August 6th._ + +After the conversation yesterday afternoon, I was obliged to own to +myself that I had been too hasty in my conclusions; and I determined to +be very careful of what I said to sister. I _walked_ over to the +cottage, therefore, instead of running, as I felt inclined, and found +mother alone in the parlor completing a dress for Emily. + +"Where is sister?" I asked. + +"She is in her room, packing. I wish you would persuade her to give up +this journey, or at least to postpone it. She really is not well." + +"That is just my errand. Frank is decided against it." + +"Well then, go and talk with the child, and I wish you success." + +I peeped into the room, and saw her on her knees at the trunk, while +Ruth was passing articles to her young mistress from the drawers, +closets, etc. I said, "Ruth, I will take your place," and she went +below. Now I had prepared a kind of speech for the occasion; but at the +time I couldn't think of a word of it. "Emily," said I, sitting down +instead of assisting her, "I have come to ask a great favor of you. Will +you grant it?" + +"Certainly, my love, why should you doubt it?" + +"Well then, Frank, mother and I, are very unhappy to have you leave in +your present state of health, and we ask you to please defer your visit +to C---- until another time." + +Emily looked much troubled, as she rose and stood before me. "You mean +kindly; but believe me, dear sister, it would be far better and easier +for me to be away. My head-ache is better, and is only occasioned by the +heat." + +"Well, darling, will you, to please me, postpone it for one week?" + +She stood a full minute, as if calculating her own strength to endure; +and then said, "I will, from such a motive, and for so short a time." + +"Then," said I, joyfully, "one subject is disposed of. You've granted me +one favor,--I want another." + +"You're fortunate," she replied, smiling, "in finding me in good humor. +However, you're not very troublesome in that way. I think I can venture +to promise." + +"Well," said I, casting down my eyes, (I could not for my life meet +hers,) "I want that beautiful bride's cake." + +"Why, Cora," she replied, as I glanced up and met a very mischievous +look, "I didn't know you were so fond of cake. I'll make you half a +dozen loaves." + +"No, but I want _that_ one." + +"Why?" + +"Because," I answered, my heart leaping into my mouth, "there will be no +bride there to need it." + +Emily started, and then said calmly, "that makes no difference." + +"But," said I, eagerly, "he has no bride. Mr. Benson is _not_ married. +The report was false." + +Poor girl! she fairly shook with emotion, and her face turned deadly +pale. She gazed at me for one instant, and then threw herself down by +the side of the bed. "My God, I thank thee for removing the awful load +of guilt from my heart," was all that I could hear, though she continued +a long time in that attitude. When she arose, I put my arm around her, +as she sat shading her face with her hand. + +"Sister, you will be happier now." + +"Yes, dear," she answered quietly, "you have removed a great load of +guilt from my soul, and I shall, I must feel happier." + +After a pause, I whispered, "you will not object to meet Mr. Benson +now." + +She started to her feet with such a world of meaning in her tone as she +said, "Cora!" + +"I mean," said I, hesitating, "he is to be our neighbor again; and it +would be so much pleasanter, and better every way, to be on terms of +friendship with him." + +She looked so proudly as she stood before me, and said, "that is hardly +possible; certainly not at all probable. He would not wish it." + +"Oh, I am sure he would!" I exclaimed eagerly. "I have seen him, and he +says he is just the same man; that his tastes are not changed." + +Oh! what a beautiful rosy blush spread all over her cheeks and brow; a +bright light danced for one moment in her eye, and leading me to the +door, she said in a low tone, "you have made me very happy. Please go +and tell mother. I must be alone." She put her hand to her heart to +still the new and strange feeling of hope that was springing up there. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII. + + "The first fresh love + Dies never wholly; it lives on through pain + And disappointment; often when the heart + Is crushed, and all its sympathies pressed out, + This lingers, and awakens, and shines bright." PERCIVAL. + + +_Friday, August 7th._ + +The visit of welcome passed off delightfully. The guests assembled in a +spacious hall which was tastefully decorated for the occasion. The +tables were loaded with fruits and flowers, intermingled with +substantial viands for such as preferred them. It was Emily's desire +that mother should accompany us; and we entered early to witness the +reception of the pastor. Mr. Benson had requested that there should be +as little formality as possible. The services opened by an appropriate +original hymn. By whom do you think it was written? By Mrs. Anna +Reynolds, who was a native of Waverley. Mr. Munroe invoked a blessing, +and then all went forward to shake hands with their beloved pastor, and +express their joy at his return. + +After allowing his own people their first claim to his notice, Frank +walked up with mother and myself. A great crowd had pressed around the +traveller, but when the Doctor's tall form approached, he darted +forward, eager to express his welcome to us; not, however, without a +quick glance behind us, as if missing an absent member of our family. + +"We have come," replied the Doctor, "to welcome _you_, though I think my +wife has already had that pleasure." + +He bowed over my hand, and expressed his delight at the honor we had +done him. Amidst all the claims upon his attention,--and he had a kind +word and smile for every one,--he soon made an opportunity to approach +the place where our little party stood, and suggesting to the Doctor the +awkwardness of a gentleman being without a companion, begged me to take +his arm. "I have not had an opportunity," he said, smiling, "to ask +after the health of your sweet little girl, Pauline, I think is her +name." + +"She is quite well," I replied. + +"That does not, I think, embrace all of your family." + +"Oh, no! there is a darling little Nelly at home; sister is with her +this evening, as she wished mother to have the pleasure of being here." + +He looked at me earnestly for a moment, as if he would fain have asked a +question, but dared not. For want of something better to do, he picked +up a flower which had dropped from a vase, and began to analyze it, but +seeing an arch smile upon my face which I could not repress, he hastily +threw it aside. + +"You must not infer," I said at length, pitying his embarrassment, +"because sister and Pauline are not here, that they do not wish you a +hearty welcome; but Emily has had her trunk packed for a number of days +to go a journey, and she only postponed it as an accommodation to me." + +Just then he was called away; but turned back to go with me to my +husband, saying in a low voice, "have I your permission to make you an +early call?" + +"I should have invited you the other day," I answered, "if you had not +been in such a hurry." + +He had a queer look as he smiled and said, "your questions had somewhat +confused me, I acknowledge. I must ask an explanation at some future +time." + +"Ah," said I, "I rather think you will be the one who will be required +to give an explanation." + +We had been slowly making our way through the crowd to the other end of +the hall, where mother and the Doctor awaited us, for the entertainment +to commence; but Mr. Benson seemed not to notice the signs of impatience +from the young people, and replied in an impressive manner, "I shall +only be too happy to answer any questions you may wish to ask." + +While waiting for the company to be quiet, Frank touched my burning +cheek, and whispered archly, "I hope Emily is not of a jealous +disposition." + +"She is a Lenox," I replied gravely. + +It took some time for the company to form themselves around the table; +when the pastor's voice was heard in prayer for the first time since his +return, thanking the Author of all our blessings, for the kind care +which had watched over us during our long separation, and brought +pastor, people and friends together under such delightful circumstances. +The prayer was short, but very tender and appropriate. Many wept for joy +at their beloved teacher's return; but soon all were engaged in the +business of the hour, and nothing was heard for some time but the +clatter of plates and spoons, and the eager voices asking to be helped. +It was quite enough for me to watch the others. I smiled as I saw Mr. +Benson standing with his eyes fixed abstractedly upon his plate, while +his thoughts were evidently far away. + +I must pass quickly over the speeches, singing, etc., which occurred +when "all had eaten, and were full." We had intended to excuse ourselves +early, and return home, but found no opportunity to do so. Frank made a +short speech of welcome, which if I am a judge was as acceptable to the +traveller as any other. Then all were requested to join in a closing +hymn, when we withdrew to our homes. + +Frank said to Mr. Benson at parting, that as an old friend, he would +always be welcome at our house, and mother reiterated the same. I +fancied Frank was slightly embarrassed. "Good night, Mr. Benson," I +said, shaking hands from the carriage. "Remember your promise to call +soon and renew your acquaintance with--with my little _Pauline_." + +He bowed low to conceal a smile, and we started for home by a most +serene but bright moonlight. + + +_Saturday, August 8th._ + +This morning Emily came over to the house as usual to see and frolic +with the baby. As Ann was carrying on a great business in the nursery, +in the way of cleaning, we took the young ladies to the parlor. Nelly +was so noisy that we could not hear ourselves speak. I laughed until I +cried at sister, as she threw the baby high over her head, and then +tossed her back into her lap. A slight sound made me turn, and there I +beheld the elegant, distinguished traveller, whose praise was in every +mouth, standing in the door-way with the most complacent of smiles. I +sprang up. "_Emily_," said I quickly; but it was too late. Miss was +safely perched on her head again, her tiny feet kicking, and her +delighted shout ringing through the room. + +In exactly this position was my refined sister when her wondering eyes +caught the first glimpse of the intruder. Quick as lightning the +aspiring child was brought down from her high position, and set upon the +carpet, while Emily looked for an instant as if she were meditating a +rapid descent through the floor. But it was too ludicrous. We looked at +one another and burst into a hearty laugh. I have my doubts if any +foreign ambassador was ever more relieved at the termination of a +troublesome embassy, than was our friend Mr. Benson, at this favorable +opportunity for renewing past friendship. + + + "They met-- + Whose hands, not souls, had long been parted, + To smile--and in that smile forget + All in the feeling--We have _met_!" + + +Emily, like a noble girl as she really is, advanced frankly toward our +visitor; and though her hair was dressed in rather an odd style by baby; +and her cheeks were rather too rosy from her violent exercise; yet the +clergyman did not appear to like her the less on that account. He fixed +his deep penetrating eyes for one moment on hers; but I don't know +whether he gleaned anything very satisfactory from them, as hers were +quickly dropped, and her long black lashes were an effectual shield. +Emily had too much good sense to apologize for her dishabille; and I am +sure she needed no apology, for though in a simple white wrapper, +fastened to the throat by a cameo brooch, and a black silk apron; yet I +thought again and again as I looked, that there was a beauty about her +which I had never witnessed before. There was a kind of consciousness or +shyness which was very bewitching. I am quite sure there was one beside +myself of similar opinion, for he improved well the opportunity her +downcast eyes afforded to gaze unreproved. Nelly, however, was by no +means satisfied at the sudden termination of her frolic, and was +constantly climbing to her aunt's knee, to recommence the play. She +appeared perfectly astonished at the unwonted neglect she received; but +finding at length that she could not accomplish her object, crept +quietly away to her toys. + +Pauline now came in, having accomplished her self-imposed task of +reading aloud to Phebe in the kitchen. It may be doubted whether the +faithful woman gained much instruction from information received under +such unfavorable auspices. But Pauline was full of zeal; and though +Phebe walked heavily from pantry to sink, and from sink to closet in the +performance of her duties, yet as she refrained from talking, the dear +child never doubted but she was much interested. With her open book in +her hand, she came running into the room, and at a call from Mr. Benson, +advanced gracefully toward him. + +He took her book, and talked with her of its contents. As I looked at +them, I could hardly identify him as the same man who had formerly been +nearly as much an object of pity, as of respect. He was now a thoroughly +polished gentleman, who had been received at almost every court in +Europe, and who had, for the last two years, been travelling in close +companionship with one of the most cultivated families in New York. I +longed to ask about the Misses Karswell, but knew that the present was +not a suitable time. + +Emily had now recovered herself, and the conversation became general. We +conversed regarding places of interest in England and France, and found +during the two hours he remained, that in whatever else he had failed, +he certainly had acquired the art of conversation. Perhaps he might have +been more than usually inspired on the present occasion, for he rendered +himself a most delightful companion. Sister usually claims for herself a +good share of the talking; but at this time was so obliging as to be a +willing listener. When Mr. Benson arose, I invited him to remain and +dine with us; but he politely declined, saying he must be in his study +as he had not completed his preparation for the Sabbath. But he added +that he should be happy to pay his respects to mother before he took +leave. + +"Emily will accompany you to the cottage," I said, wholly unmindful of +her imploring glance. She put on her hat, and with a shake of her head +at me, she walked with him across the garden, he having secured +permission to repeat his call at an early day. + +When Frank came home we had a hearty laugh over our morning adventures. +"I should have liked to have been present," said he, "and to have seen +Emily caught in that way." + +Soon after, Frank left; it was about three o'clock, I think, I went over +to the cottage to laugh at sister, or, with her, just as she felt +inclined, when on opening the parlor door, there sat the gentleman as +unmoved, as though two sermons were not lying on his study table waiting +to be completed. When he saw me, I solemnly declare the man blushed, and +no wonder, when he had declined so polite an invitation at our house. I +felt inclined to joke him. "I am very glad, sister," I said, "that you +persuaded Mr. Benson to remain and _prepare his sermons here_, where he +will not be liable to the interruptions incident to his first arrival at +home." + +He sprang up and took my hand, saying, "spare me, dear Mrs. Lenox; but I +must indeed be gone," and he hastily bid us adieu. + +Mother was at a loss to account for his sudden flight, until I told +her, he had come in here in order to obtain assistance in preparing for +the duties of the Sabbath. + + +_Friday, August 14th._ + +Last evening we were invited to a select party at Allen Mansfield's. The +Doctor, Emily, and I accepted the invitation. Among the first guests +came Mr. Benson, whose unexpected entrance brought a bright blush to +Emily's cheek. He was quite the lion of the evening, and all seemed +interested and profited by the conversation between him and Frank, who +had taken nearly the same tour of Europe. But he paid sister very little +attention, though I could see that he watched her closely as her lovely +countenance varied with her emotion. "Ah," said I to myself, as the +evening closed without his having addressed a single remark directly to +Emily, "if you are making love, you have considerably changed your +tactics during your absence." + +Emily was just taking her brother's arm to walk home, as it was but a +short distance, when the young clergyman joined us, saying, "I am sure, +Doctor, you are far too generous to monopolize more than your share," +and he offered his arm to sister. I suppose it is not an uncommon habit +for gentlemen of the cloth to be + + + "Like Isaac with a mind applied + To serious thoughts at eventide," + + +and Emily was far too good a girl to interrupt such _pious_ meditations. + + +_Thursday, September 3d._ + +Mr. Benson called to-day with young Karswell, who is about twenty-four +years of age. Mother and sister were passing the day here. The young man +came on to make his friend a visit; and told us he had lived with him so +many years, he could not well live without him. I saw that he was very +much pleased with Emily, and engaged her attention almost wholly, while +Mr. Benson directed all his conversation to mother, and hardly appeared +to notice that she was in the room. For the last few times he has +called, especially if any stranger is present, he is extremely reserved. +Even so intimate a friend as the one to-day, rendered him very unlike +_the_ Mr. Benson when first returned. They made quite a long call, and +Mr. Karswell managed to procure an invitation to return, saying that he +must see the Doctor, as his father had often spoken of him. I should +judge him to be a frank, open hearted fellow; but with nothing very +marked in his character. He is rather pretty, than handsome, with +features delicate enough for a girl, and somewhat effeminate in manner. + + +_Friday, September 4th._ + +Young Karswell came again to-day and alone, saying, "it is dreadfully +dull at Waverley, and as Mr. Benson was not inclined for a ride, I +thought I would take one myself and say nothing about it." He asked for +sister, and said he thought her handsomer than any lady he had seen when +abroad, because there was so much variety in her expression. I +accompanied him to the cottage, where in a few moments he appeared to +feel as much at home, as if in his mother's parlor. I never knew one, so +entirely a stranger, talk so freely of himself, and his friends. He made +quite a confident of Emily, telling her that his cousin Virginia, who +accompanied them in their travels, "was dead in love with Mr. Benson." + +"We heard," said I, joining them, "that he was married to your cousin +from the South." + +He laughed heartily, as he said, "it is not Virginia's fault that the +report is not true, for she would gladly have given herself and her +fortune into the bargain. I have often wondered why he did not take her, +instead of settling down in such a tame place as Waverley." + +Emily's eyes sparkled as she replied, "Mr. Benson is a clergyman, and +no place is tame to him where there are souls to be saved." + +Young Karswell gazed at her with admiration, as if he would willingly +make her angry to see her light up so again. But he only said, "Mr. +Benson is not a marrying man. I don't believe he has it in him to fall +in love. During all our travels, though we met with scores of beautiful +ladies, I never saw him pay them anything beyond the attention +politeness required." + +Emily involuntarily let her work fall from her hands, but instantly +recovered herself, and redoubled her diligence. + +"By the way," continued Mr. Karswell, "is Mr. Benson always as cheerful +as he was yesterday?" + +I thought he was speaking in irony, and made no reply. + +"Because," he added, "he is generally the most reserved man I ever met. +I used to think myself very witty if I could succeed in making him +laugh; but when he did, it was just like lightning in a thunder cloud. +Sister Gertrude was always raving about his beautiful mouth." + +I left Emily to entertain the gentleman and returned to my babies. It +was a full hour before I saw him riding out of the yard. + + +_Tuesday, September 8th._ + +Quite a laughable scene took place here this afternoon. Mr. Karswell has +been over every day this week; and Emily has become so tired of hearing +him talk, that for the last day or two she has invited him to the house +with her, for me to help entertain him. I believe the fellow is really +in love, or else he is silly, I can't tell which. To-day she came in, +having warned me beforehand that she should certainly plead other +engagements, and leave him with me. We were hardly seated before Cæsar +opened the hall door for Mr. Benson, who had not called since he first +introduced him. No sooner did Mr. Karswell hear his voice than he jumped +from his seat, and tried to escape from the room; but not being able, +he had only time to secrete himself behind the door before his friend +entered with a remarkably grave face. Now you well know how next to +impossible it is sometimes to keep from laughing when you ought. And +though I bit my lips and tried my utmost, yet the motion had been so +unexpected, that I could hardly refrain from being rude. I advanced to +the gentleman and told him with a broad laugh on my face, that it was a +very long time since he had called. Emily would not look up, but kept +her hat which she held in her hand before her face. I could well +understand Mr. Karswell's allusion to the thunder cloud, for I never saw +a man put on a more terrible frown. I felt matters were going too far; +and was determined to get the young man from his concealment, when +Pauline ran in, and shut the door after her. Then the cause of my +merriment stood revealed. Seeing there was no help for it, he walked out +cooly and shook hands with his friend. I was now very earnest to +explain, and to do the young man justice; he was willing to take his +full share of the joke. Mr. Benson had not yet been seated, and I feared +he would leave under a false impression. + +Mr. Karswell thought of nothing but appeasing Emily, whom he feared he +had offended. He sat down by her in quite too familiar a manner, which I +was glad to see she instantly resented. She rose from her chair, and +though her countenance was very pale, said, "your friend unintentionally +placed us all in a very awkward situation. Please excuse it." + +I looked my thanks at her, and we resumed our seats. Mr. Benson turned +the conversation by asking Emily if she were fond of riding on +horseback. + +"I used to be very fond of it," she replied, "but I have not been +accustomed to the exercise of late." + +He asked her to accompany him this evening; with a heightened color she +assented. Mr. Karswell at length rose to go, and Mr. Benson soon +followed, though I urged him to stay. + + +_Saturday, September 26th._ + +Mr. Karswell was called home the very day after his unsuccessful attempt +to conceal himself. I was not at all sorry; and I don't believe Mr. +Benson mourns very much. + +Emily came in this morning with such a conscious manner, that I knew +_something had happened_. She whispered to me to send Pauline away for a +moment, when she hid her face in my neck and whispered "Cora, I am very +happy." + +I was curious and inquisitive; but she would only tell me a word, and +that with a great deal of blushing. It seems that yesterday Mr. Benson +called when mother was here; and after sitting a few moments perfectly +quiet, while she was engaged with her sewing, he took a seat by her +side, and taking a note from his pocket-book, which she perceived at a +glance was the one she had written him before he went abroad, he said, +"Miss Emily, (it was always Miss Lenox before) will you tell me with +your usual frankness, if you have ever regretted more than the _manner_ +of your decision on a former occasion?" + +With the thought of all the suffering caused by her want of frankness, +she replied nobly, though with downcast eyes, "I have always regretted +the _decision_, as well as the manner of it." She says, she was really +frightened at the effect her words had upon him. For one instant he +pressed her hand convulsively, and then walked back and forth through +the room. She thought, she had been too free and hasty in answering; and +a hundred other conjectures came to her mind; but she will not tell how +they were solved. She says, if I am so curious, I must apply to head +quarters. But this she will say, that she is satisfied, and _very_ +happy. + +"Well then," I said, "will you please to give me the extract about Mr. +Benson, which you cut out of aunt Morgan's paper? I suppose you have +done with it." + +Emily looked very rosy. "You deserve to be whipped, Cora," she said, +laughing to hide her vexation at my discovery. "You must look out how +you behave now, for I have a champion as well as you." + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII. + + "What is there in the vale of life + Half so delightful as a wife; + When friendship, love and peace combine + To stamp the marriage bond divine?" COWPER. + + +_Wednesday, November 4th._ + +Emily was married this morning, and has gone to Waverley. The cottage is +closed, and mother will spend the winter with us. Emily and I have had +our first quarrel, on the question who shall have mother. I think, +however, though she will make visits to Emily, that she will live here, +because this has for so long a time been her home. + + +_Tuesday, November 10th._ + +Mrs. Benson and her husband have changed characters since I first +introduced them to you. Emily is very frank and free with her husband; +and does not hesitate to show him that she loves him, while he is quite +reserved, though exceedingly tender in his attachment to her. She is +perfectly satisfied that he has given her his whole heart, and a very +warm one. + +Cæsar drove mother, Pauline, Nelly and myself over to the parsonage this +afternoon. I could hardly realize that we were not at the cottage, +everything looked so natural. Perhaps I did not tell you that the +furniture was removed from that place to their new home; and sister has +been very anxious to make it look as much like the old one as possible. + +Waverley people have very generously presented their pastor with a +handsome buggy, (he already owned a horse,) that he might have no excuse +for not bringing his wife when he comes to see them. + +There are nearly two acres of land belonging to the parsonage; and Mr. +Benson has promised sister a fine flower-garden next summer. + +I must not forget to tell you the appropriate gifts they have received +from Mr. Karswell's family. Enclosed in a kind, fatherly note from Mr. +Karswell, Sen., was a bank-bill of one hundred dollars to replenish Mr. +Benson's library, with an addition of fifty from the son for book-cases, +pleasantly remarking, that he had noticed there were none in the study. +A large box accompanied the note, with a handsome service of plate for +the young housekeeper. The latter was from the Misses Karswell. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX. + + "Domestic happiness, thou only bliss + Of paradise, that hast survived the fall!" COWPER. + + +_Friday, August 9th, 1844._ + +Since the receipt of your last letter, I have had serious thoughts of +taking a trip to England. From what you say of father's health, I fear +he is failing fast, and my heart yearns to see him once more. My dear +husband sympathizes fully with me in this desire, and were my own health +confirmed, he would urge me to go; but since the birth of my little +Frank, my health has been very delicate, and he fears the voyage with +the children would be too much for me. He did once suggest my leaving +Pauline and Nelly, and taking only the baby with Ann. But I was decided +in refusing to leave them. Franky is now six months old, and appears to +be a very healthy child. I think, he will resemble his father more than +even our dear little Walter did. Mother Lenox has now five +grand-children, three of mine and two little ones at the parsonage. The +Doctor brought the news of the arrival of the little stranger only two +days ago. I sent Emily word this morning, that the baby must be named +for me. The eldest is Susy, or Susan, for mother. Mr. Benson is very +proud of his babies, and thoroughly appreciates the noble qualities of +his wife. He was quite pleased this morning with the name, I had +proposed for the little one, but said, he always accorded to Emily the +privilege of naming her babies. + +Mother has been with sister since June, and will probably remain until +cold weather. Frank is not willing to have her away in winter, as she +has of late years been subject to a cough. I wish sister Nelly could now +see Pauline. The dear child is within an inch or two of my own height, +and was eleven years of age last June. Never was a mother blessed with a +more dutiful daughter. She has a most delightful influence over her +sister, and indeed in her quiet way over the whole household. Phebe, +(who has become very "weighty," as she expresses it,) often quotes Miss +Pauline's remarks as testimony which no one would dare to question. A +few days since she went to the village on an errand in company with +Nelly, and on her return I saw her leading a poor, ragged, dirty child, +while the woman whom I supposed to be the mother followed a few steps +behind. + +Leaving her little charge at the kitchen door, she flew up to her room, +and then into the nursery; "mamma," said she in an animated tone, "are +you willing I should give my birth-day money to a poor little girl who +was crying in the street. She has no clothes, and she is very poor. May +I, mamma?" + +I arose and went below to ascertain the cause of the poor woman's +poverty. Pauline followed, whispering, "Mamma, I had much rather give my +five dollars to her, than to buy the work-box, because my old one is +very good." I found the woman was a Canadian, and belonged to a company +of beggars, who go about with a wagon, once every year or two, +collecting clothes and money, while they procure their daily food from +house to house. I directed Phebe to give them a comfortable meal, but +was sorry to be obliged to refuse my dear Pauline the luxury of clothing +the destitute child. I was so much touched by witnessing her tears of +disappointment, that I called her to her room, and selected a calico +dress, apron and shoes from her wardrobe and allowed her to present them +to the child. She hastily thrust her purse of money into my hand, and +ran below, where beckoning the poor beggar into the shed, she soon +transformed her into a neatly dressed girl. I endeavored to improve +this opportunity to explain to my daughter the necessity of +discrimination between the really necessitous, and impostors. It was +very hard for her to believe that any mother could be so depraved as to +permit her child to appear so ragged and dirty if she could possibly +avoid it. + + +_Saturday, August 16th._ + +During school hours this morning, the thought of the Canadian girl so +troubled Pauline, that I was obliged to give her the lesson to review, +as it was so imperfectly recited, which is a very unusual event. She is +generally very prompt in her recitations, and already is a proficient in +music, both vocal and instrumental, for which she has a fine ear. I +prophesy that she will by and by far surpass her teacher. + +This afternoon I was reading in the library, when she came running in +from her walk, in a state of great excitement. "Oh! mamma," said she, +bursting into tears, "I have seen the little girl again, and now I'm +sure she has a bad mother, for her nice clothes were taken off, and she +wore the same dirty, ragged ones as she did before. I don't think," she +continued, "that the little girl is wicked, because she hung down her +head and was ashamed to see me; but her mother came out of a house with +a large bundle under her arm, and pulled her angrily away." As I saw +this had made a great impression upon Pauline's mind, I determined to +say no more at the time, but take her with me more frequently than I had +done of late in my visits to the poor and distressed. + + +_Wednesday, August 21st._ + +The Doctor requested me this morning to prepare a basket of food for one +of his patients; and I determined to take Pauline with me, and deliver +it in person to the family. I knew nothing of their circumstances, only +their name, and a description of the small house which they occupy. + +Cæsar readily found the place. Mrs. Fuller, the wife of the sick man, +was washing out a few clothes in an open shed back of the building, +while two children, of about five and three years of age, played in the +dirt before the door. The eldest stopped her play to gaze at the +carriage as we drove up, and ran to call her mother. We entered the +dilapidated building, where a man lay sick of a fever. He was moaning +sadly when we entered, and seemed hardly conscious; but his wife assured +us he was so, and that he kept moaning and muttering something to +himself all the time. + +From the wife's account I found that Mr. Fuller, at the time she married +him, was a mechanic in good business, and that they lived comfortably +for two or three years, though her husband did not seem happy as at +first. He gradually grew more and more idle, neglected his business, and +would sit moping in the house from morning till night. + +"Was he intemperate?" I inquired. "None to speak of," she replied. "He +never took to drink." After conversing with her for a short time at the +door, I gave her the basket of provisions, and asked her if she were at +present in special need of anything. She was very grateful, and said the +Doctor had provided all that was necessary, and I took my leave, +promising if she would send for it, to supply her with milk for the +children. + + +_Friday, August 30th._ + +The Doctor says Mr. Fuller is much worse, and that he has something upon +his mind which troubles him. He is not at all inclined to answer +questions, but to-day when Frank went silently in, and bent over him, +thinking him to be sleeping, the poor fellow said, "that's all I +remember, there's no hurt in that, and if there is, I'm not answerable, +'twas nothing to me." + +Frank put his fingers upon the pulse, when the sick man turned upon him +with a terrible oath, and said wildly, "What did you hear? I said +nothing. You can't take me up for that." + +Frank soothed him by saying he had heard nothing of consequence, and +feeling much interested for the sufferer, who appeared struggling with +remorse of conscience for some crime, he sat long by him, endeavoring to +point him to the Saviour, who can deliver from all sin. + +Mr. Fuller listened as if for his life, and muttered two or three times, +"If I could only believe it! _If I could but think so!!_" The Doctor +prayed with him before he left. When he called Mrs. Fuller to the door, +and related to her what he had heard, she burst into tears, and told him +that for years past, he had at times said over and over the same words, +to which she could attach no meaning; but she clasped her hands in +agony, "Oh, dear," she said, "I am afraid he has been guilty of some +dreadful crime, and that's what harrows him up so!" + + + "The cause is conscience;--Conscience oft + Her tale of guilt renews! + Her voice is terrible, though soft, + And dread of death ensues." + + + + +CHAPTER XXX. + + "For God unfolds, by slow degrees, + The purport of his deep decrees; + Sheds every hour a clearer light + In aid of our defective sight; + And spreads, at length, before the soul + A beautiful and perfect whole, + Which busy man's inventive brain + Toils to anticipate in vain." COWPER. + + +_Wednesday, September 4th._ + +How true is the old adage, "Murder will out." It has certainly been +verified in our village. But I will not anticipate. It was hardly light +this morning, when the Doctor was summoned from bed to Mr. Fuller, who +was dying, and had been calling for Dr. Lenox all night. At length, he +became very urgent, and said, he could not die in peace till he had +confessed the great sin that troubled his conscience. I waited with no +little impatience for Frank's return; but nine o'clock came and there +had only been a messenger for Cæsar to drive the buggy to the office. + +It was long past the usual dinner hour when Frank returned. When he did +so, I saw that something very unusual had taken place, for he hardly +spoke, but frequently ceased eating, though he had taken no breakfast, +and sat resting his head upon his hand. + +Leaving the dining-room hurriedly, he said, "Cora, will you come to me +in the library as soon as possible." I left Pauline with the little +ones in the nursery, and followed him directly. He silently beckoned me +to a seat near him, when he related as follows the scenes of the +morning. + +"Cora, do you remember the account I gave you years ago, of the setting +up of the will of Joseph Lee, before the Probate Court?" + +"Perfectly," I replied. + +"Well, Fuller, who died this morning, was a witness, who testified that +the business transacted by the lawyer, was merely a deed of gift to a +poor widow. By his dying confession, however, he has unfolded a horrid +plot of villany. Squire Lee at that very time made a _second_ will, +which no doubt was in Lucy's favor. He did indeed convey away the +cottage at the same interview; but that was only a secondary part of the +business." I sprang to my feet, and clapped my hands in an ecstasy. + +"But what possible motive could he have had for perjuring himself?" I +asked eagerly. + +"He was hired to do so by the lawyer. I immediately sent a neighbor who +was watching with my patient to a magistrate, and he took down the poor +man's confession, together with many circumstances relating to the +subject which will throw light on the villany. A writ was at once made +out and served upon Joseph Lee and Oscar Colby, for conspiracy, and +before nine o'clock, they were before the justice, by whom they were +committed to jail to await their trial at the next term of the Criminal +Court." + +When the sheriff went to arrest them, Joseph was sleeping off the +effects of his intoxication; and when dragged from his bed, and made to +understand that he was arrested, he swore and raved so shockingly, that +the sheriff told him, he would put him in irons if he was not quiet. Mr. +Colby was different; he looked ghastly pale, while his eyes rolled from +side to side; but he made no resistance. + +Poor Lucy! Little reason as she has to love her brother, this will be a +terrible blow to her affectionate heart. Although Joseph has been +living at the Hall since last spring, yet he has never taken the least +notice of her or her family, and even seems to have forgotten that he +has a sister. The dear girl thought all her trials were over, she has +been so contented and happy with her little family. She has a beautiful +pair of twin boys. Emily is six years old. Frank says, it was a painful +duty to inform her of the arrest of her brother, which he did this +morning. + +He was very much affected by her first words after he had told her of +Mr. Fuller's confession. "Then my dear father did remember me;" and she +burst into tears. + + +_Thursday, September 5th._ + +Allen Mansfield called here this morning to consult with the Doctor, +after having in vain sought him at the office. Nothing for years has +caused such an excitement in the town; and corroborative testimony is +constantly related by one and another, as to the certainty of a will. +But _where_ is it? That it was destroyed at the time is the current +opinion. The vile character of the prisoners--the virtue of young +Mansfield's family--the probable result of the trial--the length of +imprisonment for such crimes--the motives which influenced Mr. Colby to +such an act, are the universal themes of conversation. + +Groups of men stand in the streets discussing the latest intelligence of +the affair, while Lucy and her husband from being among the most quiet +citizens of the place have been suddenly transformed into the lions of +the day. Their every word and look is eagerly repeated from one to +another. One benefit has already resulted from all this. Public +attention and sympathy have been turned to the family of widow Fuller, +and she has help flowing in from all quarters. In return, she has only +to repeat some two or three dozen times a day the sad confession of her +husband's crime. "I had it from the lips of the widow," is enough to +draw a crowd of listeners eager for something to fan their already +over-excited imaginations. + +Even the Doctor is not without his share of attention, from being the +one to whom the confession was originally made, and from being a +particular friend of the Mansfields. + + +_Monday, September 9th._ + +The excitement in town is constantly on the increase. Poor Lucy is +almost as much a prisoner as her brother. She was riding out with her +children a day or two since, when some one shouted, "there goes Mrs. +Mansfield, sister to the prisoner," and a whole posse of boys ran +shouting after the carriage. Such notoriety is by no means pleasing to +her, and she is determined to avoid it in future. Mr. Willard, the +District Attorney, who will manage the case for Allen, in behalf of the +government, has grown very fast in public esteem for a few years, and is +considered an uncommonly shrewd lawyer and an excellent advocate. Report +says that Joseph has secured the services of an able and far famed +lawyer from the city, and means to spare no expense to procure his +acquittal at the coming trial, which does not take place until the +fore-part of November. Mr. Willard, being on the spot, has every +advantage of circumstantial testimony. He has already obtained a warrant +to search the premises, and in company with a man appointed keeper by +the sheriff, who served a writ attaching the whole for damages in behalf +of Allen, went from room to room, examining every private drawer, desk, +shelf, or crevice where such a document could be secreted. But it was +all in vain; yet a more thorough search will be made to-morrow. + +Joseph is in a shocking condition, caused by the involuntary and sudden +cessation of his excess in drinking. His eyes seem ready to start from +their sockets; and he is so violent in his demands for brandy, and so +furious because he cannot obtain it that the jailor has been obliged to +put him in irons. Mr. Colby is in a dreadful state of nervous +excitement, and walks from morning till night back and forth in the +small cell where he is confined. Upon one or two occasions, when Mr. +Willard, in company with a sheriff, visited him, he would not deign a +reply to any question they put to him. + + +_Tuesday, September 10th._ + +Nothing whatever was found reflecting light upon this dark plot, on the +most rigid examination of the whole premises. While Allen was there, a +messenger came from the jailer to the sheriff for some clothes for Mr. +Colby, who complained of the dampness of his cell. + +The sheriff proceeded to the room which had been occupied by him, where +various articles of apparel were thrown upon the chairs and around the +room just as he left them the night previous to his arrest. Having fully +examined a dressing gown and cloak, and ascertained that nothing was +concealed in them, he gave them to the messenger. + + +_Friday, September 20th._ + +Nothing of importance has transpired to throw light upon the +all-engrossing topic. A slight suspicion was awakened in the mind of Mr. +Willard by the increasing demand for clothes by Mr. Colby, and Hon. Mr. +Marshall, the Attorney General, specially retained, gave orders that no +more be sent him. Upon a re-examination, of every article of apparel in +his room and wardrobe at the Hall, he has found nothing to justify such +a suspicion. + +But he is ever on the alert, and determined, if possible, to ferret out +all the iniquitous proceedings. The daily papers are full of the most +exaggerated accounts of these transactions, report of which has spread +the excitement through the country. + +Persons may be seen at all hours of the day walking past Lee Hall, +wondering what room the prisoners occupied before their arrest, where +the keeper remains, and making inquiries on these and a thousand other +points of those of the neighbors and inhabitants whom they happen to +meet. + + +_Tuesday, November 5th._ + +Half past seven o'clock, A. M. The all-important day has at length +arrived. Even at this early hour carriage after carriage from the +adjoining towns rolls by toward the court House. Men and women are seen +hurrying in the same direction, all eager to gain admission to the court +room. For many years, no case has excited such deep and universal +interest. The vast estate involved--the great respect for the family of +Mr. Mansfield--the daring plot of Joseph and Colby--the horrible cruelty +of the former toward his sister, driving her from the home of her +childhood, have raised the excitement to the highest pitch. My hand +trembles, and my heart goes "pit-a-pat" as I think of being present at +the trial. The Doctor has kindly procured a permit for me to be there as +a companion of Lucy, whose heart, poor girl, is ready to faint within +her. I shall endeavor to take notes that I may give you and father an +account of an American trial. + + +_Thursday, November 7th._ + +On Tuesday morning, at half past eight, the Doctor came for me to go to +the court. My hands were numb from excitement, and for a moment I felt +inclined to remain at home; but summoning all my resolution, I stepped +into the carriage, when Cæsar drove to Mr. Mansfield's, took in Lucy, +who looked more as if she were to be tried as a criminal, than as if she +were about to inherit an estate worth a million of dollars. + +When the Doctor assisted us from the carriage, and I witnessed the +immense crowd standing around the ponderous doors of the court-room, my +limbs trembled beneath me, and I clung convulsively to my husband's arm. + +"All filled up two hours ago!"--"No room!"--"You can't get in!" were +shouted by men and boys on every side. Even the constables standing with +a pole at the foot of the stairs told us, we could not proceed. But the +Doctor paid no sort of heed to all this. With the air and bearing of a +Lenox, he walked majestically on, merely bowing to the officer and +pronouncing the word "witness;" when he stood one side to allow us to +pass and to get through the crowd as best we could. I can hardly tell +you how we were able to make our way up the stone steps to the room +above. Sometimes the Doctor was recognized. At others, Lucy's pale face +caused the eager crowd to stand yet a little closer and to allow us to +press along. + +At the inner door, near the head of the stairs, stood a sheriff, who on +recognizing the Doctor opened the door, and we stood within the room. +Another deputy sheriff came forward and gave us a seat with the +witnesses. Here my husband pointed out to me the seats of the judge, and +the jury, the boxes for the criminals and the other parts of this temple +of justice. + +I will describe them to you. The Court-room is large; I should judge, +about fifty feet by sixty. On one end of the Hall is a raised platform +called the bench, and occupied by the Judges, with private entrances on +each side for the convenience of the court. In front of the bench and on +an elevation about half as high, is a space enclosed with a railing +within which are tables for the Clerk, District Attorney and Attorney +General. Before this railing is a table for the reporters, at which are +seated a goodly number with pen in hand, eager to catch every word of +this terrible trial, and to send the report thereof by the dailies and +by bulletins all over the country. + +Running along on each side of the room are three banks of seats, +resembling long slips or pews, and occupied by the witnesses and jury. A +walk or aisle runs along at the foot of these seats. The large open area +in front of the reporters and of this aisle, is circled with a railing +within which are seats and small desks for members of the bar. Just +beyond the railing and opposite to the Judge are boxes for the criminals +with sharp iron pickets on the top. All the rest of the unoccupied space +was crowded on this occasion with a dense mass of spectators, some of +whom had been standing ever since the opening of the Court-room.--Over +the end of the Hall was a gallery densely crowded. One by one, the +Jurors, Clerk, Lawyers, District Attorney, Attorney General and Judge +entered and took their seats. As the large clock in the room struck +nine, officers appeared leading in the prisoners. + +I was obliged to put my arm around my distressed friend. She looked +ready to faint; but holding strong volatile salts to her nose, she +endeavored to control her feelings. Frank and myself regretted extremely +that the Attorney General thought it necessary to summon her as a +witness. + +The court opened. The Clerk read the Docket, from which it appeared that +the Grand Jury had found three bills against the prisoners at the bar; +for conspiracy in obtaining property under false pretences--for wilful +perjury--and for fraud. + +On motion of the Attorney General, it was ordered that they should be +tried upon the first of these, as it related to the primary, and +principal crime. The Clerk called upon the prisoners to arise and attend +to the indictment on which they were arraigned. + + + "COMMONWEALTH OF MASSACHUSETTS. + + _"County of ----. At the Court of Common Pleas, begun and holden in + Crawford, within the County of ----, on the first Monday, being the + fourth day of November, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight + hundred and forty-four._ + + "The Grand Jurors for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, upon their + oath present that Joseph Lee, and Oscar Colby, gentlemen, of the + town of Crawford, in the county of ----, not having the fear of God + before their eyes, and being moved by an evil heart, and seduced by + the instigations of the devil, on or about the first day of + November, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and + thirty-seven, in the town, county and commonwealth aforesaid, did + wilfully and maliciously conspire together to secrete or destroy + the last will and testament of one Joseph Lee deceased, of said + town, county and commonwealth aforesaid. And did thereby + feloniously and wilfully arrest the course of justice in the + settlement of the estate of the deceased Joseph Lee, by setting + up, and subsequently executing as his last will and testament, a + will prior to his last, and thereby defrauding his legal heir or + heirs, and so the Jurors upon their oath aforesaid do say that the + said Joseph Lee, and Oscar Colby then and there, in the manner + aforesaid, did commit the crime of conspiracy as aforesaid, against + the peace of the Commonwealth aforesaid, and the laws in such cases + made and provided. + + _A true bill._ + + James Frothingham, Foreman. + + John Marshall, Attorney General." + + +To this indictment the prisoners plead "_not guilty_." The Clerk then +proceeded to impanel the jury. + +Moses Willard, District Attorney, appeared and took his seat. The +counsellors for the defendants were Edgar Burke, and Sylvanus Curtiss. + +_Clerk of the Court._ "Gentlemen of the Jury, hearken to the indictment +found against Joseph Lee, and Oscar Colby." + +Here the Clerk read the indictment to the Jury, when he continued: "To +this indictment, the defendants have plead not guilty, and have put +themselves on the country, which country you are, and you are now sworn +to try the issue." + +_District Attorney._ "You perceive, Gentlemen of the Jury, by the +indictment that has been read to you that Joseph Lee and Oscar Colby are +charged by the Grand Jury of the body of this county with conspiracy to +defraud, a crime punishable with the severest penalties of the law, and +alleged by the indictment to have been committed by them feloniously, +wilfully and maliciously. I need not portray to you the sad consequences +which have already resulted from this villany. + +"We intend to prove that the prisoners at the bar did at the time and +place specified in the indictment, conspire together to destroy the last +will and testament of one Joseph Lee deceased, and to set up as his last +will and testament, a will prior to his last, and did thereby deprive +his dutiful daughter of her patrimony,--a daughter who had for years +administered to her sick father's necessities, smoothing by her +affectionate care his passage to the grave; and that they drove her from +the home of her childhood and youth on the very eve of her deceased +father's burial, rendering her houseless, and shelterless, but for the +protecting arm of her newly wedded companion. + +"We intend to prove the sad consequences of this crime to the prisoners +themselves." + +_Mr. Curtiss._ "Your Honor, I must object to this appeal to personal +sympathy, and personal prejudice." + +_District Attorney._ "Your Honor, I beg not to be interrupted. I was +only stating what the prosecution intend to prove. I was specifying the +consequences of crime to the prisoners at the bar; but I forbear. The +bloated face, and blood-shot eyes of the one, and the ghastly pallor of +the other, speak far more than any words I could utter. + +"Gentlemen of the Jury, I have no need to caution you against +participating in the popular indignation at this crime, or not to fear +the consequences of a faithful discharge of your whole duty. Your oath +requires you to decide the question of the guilt or innocence of the +prisoners according to law and evidence. + +"The indictment charges them with Conspiracy. But, gentlemen, I will not +detain you farther, except to cite authorities respecting the nature of +this crime, the laws and penalties pertaining thereunto, and also to +remark on the confidence to be placed in the confession of a dying man, +which will soon be submitted to you." + +He then proceeded to read from Roscoe on Criminal evidence, Chitty's +Criminal Law, Archbold, etc., etc. After which, he concluded by saying, +"This charge we expect to prove by the confession of Hugh Fuller on his +death bed, where we naturally expect the utmost sincerity, and where +there could be no motive for self-accusation, and a confession of that +which must forever tarnish the fair fame of the confessor,--no motive +falsely to criminate his fellow men. His testimony is entitled to the +highest consideration, supported as it will be by an array of +circumstantial evidence, amounting almost to a moral demonstration." + +He then called George Wilson, Justice of the peace, who after being +sworn read the Affidavit, as he took it from the lips of the dying man. + + + AFFIDAVIT. + + "COMMONWEALTH OF MASSACHUSETTS. + + "County of ----ss. Hugh Fuller of Crawford, in said county, yeoman, + personally before me, and lying upon his death-bed, on oath + declared that he affixed his name as witness to the last will and + testament of the late Joseph Lee of said town and county, then + lying on his death-bed, on the twenty-third of October, one + thousand eight hundred and thirty-seven. And also at the same time + and place affixed his signature to a deed by the said Joseph Lee, + conveying property from him to widow Churchill. + + "And the deponent farther declares, that the other witnesses of + these documents were Oscar Colby, and Edward Stone. + + "The deponent also solemnly declares that the papers were then + delivered by said Joseph Lee to said Oscar Colby with instructions + that the first document should be retained by him, Oscar Colby, + until after the testator's decease, and that the second should be + immediately conveyed by said Colby to the aforesaid Widow + Churchill. + + "The deponent still farther declares that the said Oscar Colby + enjoined upon him and Edward Stone, now deceased, profound secrecy + in respect to the first of these transactions; and that immediately + upon the death of the late Joseph Lee, the said Colby came to him + renewing the injunction with a proffer of money, as reward for so + doing; and that both he and Joseph Lee, son of the deceased Joseph + Lee, subsequently came to him to instruct him how to appear, and + what to say, if cited before the Probate Court; and at the same + time paid him certain sums of money in consideration of his + maintaining such secrecy. + + "And the deponent also declares that his abetting of this crime + has ever since lain heavily upon his conscience, and has at times + harrowed his soul with the most dreadful remorse; and that he + cannot die in peace until he has made a frank, and full confession + of this sin, and implored forgiveness of God, and his fellow men; + more particularly of those whom he has thus injured. + + "All this, the deponent declares to be true in the presence of that + God before whom he expects in a few moments to appear; and the same + was subscribed and sworn to on this fourth day of September, in the + year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and forty-four. + + HUGH FULLER. + + "Before me, George Wilson, Justice of the peace. + _In the presence of_ + Frank Lenox, } + Martha Fuller, } Witnesses. + Phebe Andrews, } + Benjamin Hardy, } + + _Crawford, September 4th, 1844._" + + +In corroboration of this testimony, the following witnesses were called +and sworn: + +Frank Lenox, Allen Mansfield, Lucy Lee Mansfield, Susan Burns, Jacob +Strong, who bore testimony similar to that given by them before the +Probate Court, and showing the oft declared intention of the late Joseph +Lee to revoke his first will, and to make a second. + +They also testified that up to the time of the alleged crime, the +prisoners were comparative strangers, and that from that period, they +had been leagued together in the closest alliance; first in the house of +the late Joseph Lee immediately after his funeral, then in the execution +of the will, and subsequently in a voyage to Europe, from which they +lately returned together after an absence of some years; and finally +that they were together up to the time of their arrest. + +To reveal the nature of their intercourse when together, Jacob Strong, +steward of the late Joseph Lee, testified, that on the evening after +the funeral of his master, his son Joseph, and Lawyer Colby were +together in the back parlor of his master's residence, where they called +for wines, brandy and cigars, and where they spent most of the night in +drunkenness. + +And he farther testified that at sundry times during the succeeding +month, he had been often awaked at late hours of the night, by their +midnight carousals; and alarmed by their abuse of each other. And that +he had often interposed to separate and quiet them. + +Here the prosecution closed the presentation of the case in behalf of +the government, reserving the right to introduce rebutting testimony. + +It being past twelve o'clock, the court adjourned till two P. M. + + +_Two o'clock, P. M. Tuesday afternoon._ The Court met pursuant to +adjournment. + +The defence opened. Mr. Curtiss arose. "May it please your Honor, and +you, Gentlemen of the Jury, I arise under no small embarrassment to +plead the cause of my clients in this important trial,--an embarrassment +which arises from the overwhelming tide of public indignation, which in +its mighty current, and irresistible force threatens to carry away every +barrier of public justice, and public safety. + +"Upon the alleged confession of Hugh Fuller this tide deluged the +surrounding country, as when the dam of a great river is carried away, +and the pent up waters are let loose, bearing down all before them. + +"We, Witnesses, Counsellors, and Jurors are in no small danger of being +carried away as float-wood whither the mighty torrent shall bear us. + +"I cannot resist the conviction that the District Attorney, by his quick +sympathies, has so far participated in this popular feeling, that he has +not in this case sustained his deservedly high reputation for equity, +and impartiality. My great esteem for him as an advocate led me to +expect that he would devote to this exciting trial, his characteristic +calmness, and discrimination, that he would carefully weigh the +evidence, and avoid all appeals to passion or prejudice. Judge then of +my surprise that in the very beginning of his speech, he should appeal +to your sympathy in behalf of the daughter of the late Joseph Lee. + +"Gentlemen of the Jury, you are here for the exercise, not of sympathy, +but of justice. And my astonishment was increased by his attempt to +awaken your prejudices against my clients, by reference to any +peculiarities in their personal appearance. What honest citizen; nay, +what one of you could be suddenly dragged from your bed at night, and +committed to prison on such a charge; be brought from your cell +handcuffed and strongly guarded, and here locked up in the felon's box +in the presence of so large and respectable an assembly of your fellow +citizens without some emotion blanching your countenance, or flushing it +with indignation. + +"But my astonishment reached its highest pitch, when having waited hour +after hour in painful expectation of that circumstantial testimony, +which was to amount to "a moral demonstration" of my clients' guilt, and +waiving in apprehension of it my right to cross examine his witnesses, I +heard him acknowledge to the court that the evidence for the prosecution +was in, and the case was submitted to the defence. + +"His citations from legal authors, and his exposition of the laws +pertaining to the crime for which my clients are arraigned meet my most +cordial approbation, and supersede the necessity of any additional +comments on the part of the defence. Of the three crimes charged in +these indictments, the two latter are subordinate to, and dependent on +the first. If there was no conspiracy, there surely could have been no +wilful perjury, no suborning of witnesses in pursuance of that +conspiracy. + +"Setting aside the confession, what proof has been adduced to support +the charge of conspiracy? None that would justify any honest citizen in +cherishing a suspicion of his neighbor; none that would not blast the +fairest character as with the breath of calumny. Your verdict, if you +find my clients guilty, must depend almost entirely upon the credibility +of a deceased witness, upon the affidavit of Hugh Fuller. + +"The authorities already submitted to you by my legal friend, teach you +that the testimony of a dying man should be received, if at all, with +great caution. At best it is _only hearsay evidence_, and this is almost +the only form of that species of testimony which is admissible at the +bar. Before you attach to it any importance, you are bound to know that +the witness at the date of the affidavit was in a sound mind, free from +intellectual aberrations, and from bias of judgment. + +"Has the prosecution relieved your minds from all doubt on these points? +Nay, gentlemen. It has submitted no substantial proof of even the sanity +of that witness. I am now prepared to prove by testimony clear and +abundant that this affidavit contains nothing more than the +hallucination of an insane man. This being established, I shall submit +the case, after the argument of my associate, for your decision." + +During the speech of Mr. Curtiss, the vast audience hung in breathless +silence upon his lips; and when he resumed his seat, it was very evident +that the tide of public feeling had begun to turn. + +The prisoners, inspired with hope, rose from their seats, and stood +leaning over the pickets of their boxes. Such was the eagerness to catch +every word that the sheriff was obliged several times to rap with his +pole and call "_order!_ ORDER!!" + +The witnesses for the defence were next called, and sworn, and examined. +First, Frank Lenox. + +_Mr. Curtiss._ "What is your profession?" + +"I am a physician." + +"How long have you been in practice?" + +"About thirteen years." + +"Was Hugh Fuller your patient?" + +"He was." + +"What was his disease?" + +"Typhoid fever." + +"Have you been familiar with that fever in your practice?" + +"I have had many cases every year." + +"How have you commonly found the reason affected by this disease?" + +"The mind is frequently subject to aberration, but more frequently in +the typhus, than in the typhoid fever." + +"Had you any reason to think the mind of Mr. Fuller was thus affected by +his disease?" + +"At times his language was strange, and his thoughts incoherent. But he +was more free from aberration than patients generally in that fever." + +"How near the date of his alleged confession, do you remember to have +witnessed any such wanderings?" + +"I think his mind was rather wandering on the previous morning." + +_Mr. Burke._ "Had you given him medicine from which unnatural excitement +could result?" + +"I had not." + +Cross examination by Mr. Willard. + +"Did you consider him of sound mind and memory on the night of his +confession?" + +"I did." + +"How did he appear after the confession?" + +"Very much relieved.--calm and peaceful." + +"Are you confident that his mental aberrations resulted from his +disease?" + +"I considered them in a great measure the result of a troubled +conscience." + +Mr. Curtiss sprang to his feet, and said, "May it please your Honor, I +must object to that question. It calls forth a reply not legitimate to +the profession of the witness. Cases of conscience belong to the +Clergy." + +_Judge._ "The witness will proceed, confining himself to facts +pertaining to the case." + +Mr. Marshall, the Attorney General, asked, "was there any particular +subject on which his mind seemed to be dwelling in what you supposed +mental aberrations?" + +Mr. Burke arose under considerable excitement. "Your Honor, I must +protest against the introduction of testimony going to show the subject +of a crazy man's thoughts." + +Mr. Marshall stood waiting to reply. "Your Honor will consider the +special importance of this testimony as showing the state of the +confessor's mind, and the subject which principally occupied his +thoughts." + +After a prolonged discussion of the admissibility of this testimony by +the learned counsellors, the Judge decided the question in order, and +directed the witness to proceed. + +"He often repeated the words, 'that's all I remember; they can't take me +up for that. And if they do, I'm not answerable; they that hired me will +have to bear the blame,' and so much more of the same general import +that I was led to suspect,"-- + +"Your Honor," exclaimed both the lawyers for the defence. The Junior +waived, however, in favor of the Senior. "I hope your Honor will remind +the witness that he is here not to relate _suspicions_, but facts." + +_Judge._ "The witness may proceed and restrict himself to facts, or to +such professional opinions, as are material to the case. He is to give +his honest views frankly and fully." + +"I was saying that I _suspected_, he was laboring under remorse of +conscience, and I urged him, if such were the fact, to seek relief by +confession." + +_Mr. Willard._ "What was the date of this conversation?" + +"At several different times. The one to which I particularly referred, +took place two days before his death." + +Dr. Clapp, partner of Dr. Lenox, was called, whose testimony +corroborated that of the preceding witness. + +Mrs. Martha Fuller was next called. + +_Mr. Curtiss._ "What was your relation to Hugh Fuller?" + +"His wife." + +"Did you discover anything during your husband's sickness which led you +to think him insane?" + +"I did." + +"At what part of it more particularly?" + +"The latter part." + +"What did he say that led you to infer that he was crazy?" + +"Sometimes he did not know me, called me by another name, talked wildly, +and was frequently wandering in his sleep." + +"How near the time of this alleged confession did you notice any signs +of insanity?" + +"On the night and day preceding his death." + +Cross examination by Mr. Willard. + +"Did you hear your husband's confession?" + +"I did." + +"Did you consider him crazy at that time?" + +Hesitating. "I did not." + +"What reasons had you for not considering him so?" + +"He called us all by name, and talked rationally about other things, and +gave me directions about the children." + +"Had he frequently talked with you in this way during his sickness?" + +"He had not." + +"But during his sickness, had there not been days, or longer seasons, +when he appeared rational?" + +"There were." + +"You have said he was often wild and wandering. Do you mean he was so +most of the time, or only now and then?" + +"Only now and then." + +"Had he ever appeared so before this sickness?" + +Witness bursts into tears. + +_Mr. Curtiss._ "Your Honor, I claim the protection of the Court in +behalf of this witness." + +_Mr. Marshall._ "Your Honor, we have no disposition to impose upon the +witness, who certainly has our tenderest sympathy in these trying +circumstances. But the question of my worthy colleague was designed to +elicit from the witness, the fact whether or not her lamented husband +previous to his last sickness, had ever exhibited signs of insanity?" + +_Mr. Burke._ "Your Honor, I object to the question as irrelevant." + +_Judge._ "The question is pertinent and the witness will answer +according to her best recollections." + +_Witness._ "I cannot say that he did." + +_Mr. Willard._ "Did he ever appear depressed in spirits?" + +"He did." + +"Can you recollect what he used to say at such times?" + +She weeps. + +"Take your time, my good woman." The sheriff at a motion from Mr. +Willard brings her a chair. "Try to recollect what he said at such +times." + +"He used to fear we should come to poverty and disgrace." + +"Did he ever explain the ground of those fears?" + +"He did not, when awake." + +"What do you mean to imply by that?" + +"He sometimes talked about it in his sleep; but I couldn't always make +out what he said." + +"Did the drift of his conversation at such times correspond with that +when he was wild and wandering during his sickness?" + +"I think it did." + +The Court was then adjourned until nine o'clock the next morning. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXI. + + "As lawyers o'er a doubt + Which, puzzling long, at last, they puzzle out." COWPER. + + +_Wednesday, November 6th._ + +_Nine o'clock._ The Court met pursuant to adjournment. The excitement +has much increased. The court-room is crowded to its utmost capacity, +and the most intense interest manifested as to the decision. + +Mr. Andrews was called and sworn. + +_Mr. Curtiss._ "Did you frequently see Hugh Fuller during his sickness?" + +"I watched with him twice." + +"Have you often watched with persons in this fever?" + +"I have." + +"How were their minds affected?" + +"They were generally deranged." + +"Did you witness any appearance of insanity in Mr. Fuller?" + +"I did." + +"How was it manifested?" + +"He once imagined I was his mother, and that I was instructing him. +Another time he thought he was building a house, and called out to his +workmen about the work." + +Before the cross examination, I noticed Mr. Willard speaking in a low +voice to Mr. Marshall, when he took his hat and retired from the +court-room. + +_Mr. Marshall._ "Do you mean to convey the idea that Mr. Fuller was not +rational during any part of the nights that you watched with him?" + +"By no means, sir. I mean that he was a little out of his head." + +"Did he recognize you?" + +"He did, and often called me by name, and told me what medicine he was +to take." + +"When he thought you were his mother, what did he say?" + +"He said he remembered my instructing him to tell the truth, and how +much happier he should have been if he had regarded my instructions." + +Mrs. Andrews was called. + +_Mr. Curtiss._ "Did you see Mr. Fuller during his sickness?" + +"I watched with him the night before he died." + +"How did he appear at that time?" + +"The first part of the night, he took me to be his wife, and talked with +me about the children." + +"Relate all you remember of his wanderings." + +"He was very much excited and wanted to get out of bed and go to see Dr. +Lenox--Said he must go, and we had great difficulty in pacifying him." + +Cross examination. + +_Mr. Marshall._ "Do you remember what he said to you about the +children?" + +"He charged me never to let the girls marry a man who had perjured +himself." + +This reply produced great sensation, and the sheriff again thundered +"_order!_ ORDER!!" + +"Did he appear more calm toward morning?" + +"Oh, no! He grew more and more excited until we promised to send for the +Doctor." + +"Did that wholly pacify him?" + +"He seemed so relieved and rational that I staid alone with him while +Mr. Hardy went for the Doctor, and he hardly spoke during his absence." + +"How did he appear during that time?" + +"He lay with his eyes closed, and once I thought I heard the words. 'Oh, +God!--Oh, Jesus, forgive me!'" + +_Mr. Curtiss_ called Mr. Hardy. "Did you discover any signs of insanity +in Mr. Fuller on the night preceding his death?" + +"I did." + +"What were they?" + +"Substantially those already testified to by Mrs. Andrews. He called +incessantly for the Doctor, saying he could not die till he had seen +him." + +_Mr. Curtiss_, under excitement, interrupted the witness, saying, "you +need not repeat the testimony of other witnesses." + +Cross-examination by _Mr. Marshall_. "Did he tell you why he wished to +see the Doctor?" + +"He said, he had something of great importance to confess to him, and he +could not die with it upon his conscience." + +"How did he appear when you returned with the Doctor?" + +"Perfectly calm and rational." + +"Who were then present?" + +"Dr. Lenox, Mrs. Fuller, Mrs. Andrews, and myself." + +"Relate what occurred." + +"The Doctor went directly to the bed. When Mr. Fuller saw him, he said +audibly, 'thank God!' He then added, that he had committed a great crime +which he wished to confess before he died, and that it related to the +last will of the late Joseph Lee. Dr. Lenox immediately requested me to +go for the nearest magistrate. When I returned with Justice Wilson, the +Doctor was praying with the sick man. Fuller's wife holding her husband +and weeping, stood the other side of the bed with Mrs. Andrews. Prayer +being closed, the Doctor informed Justice Wilson of the wish of Hugh +Fuller to make a confession which it was important to take in a legal +form. The Justice then took the sick man's confession in our presence in +the form of an affidavit." + +Mr. Balch was next called, and as he took the stand Mr. Willard, with a +hasty and agitated step, returned to the court room and resumed his +seat. Every eye was turned toward him, as he appeared to be under great +excitement which he in vain endeavored to conceal. He hastily whispered +to Mr. Marshall, who started in surprise, and seemed fully to +participate in his feelings. + +_Mr. Curtiss to Mr. Balch._ "Were you acquainted with Mr. Fuller?" + +"Intimately; I lived next door to him, and we frequently worked +together. I saw him almost daily before his death." + +"Did you see him often during his sickness?" + +"I was at his house every day to inquire after him, and I watched with +him several nights." + +"Did you discover signs of insanity in him?" + +"I did." + +"Relate to the court what you recollect of them." + +"He frequently talked with me about business that he had no connection +with, and about all sorts of things that he never talked about in +health." + +"When did you see him last?" + +"On the day before his death." + +"How did he then appear?" + +"He was as wild as a hawk, and kept trying to get off the bed, and +pulling the clothes." + +"What did he talk about?" + +"He spoke of houses, and farms, and cattle, and workmen, and all sorts +of things, and run from one to another without any connection." + +Here Mr. Curtiss rose with an air of triumph and exultation and said, +"Your Honor, unless the counsel for the prosecution wish to +cross-examine this witness, we shall here close the direct testimony for +the defence." + +Mr. Willard, who had been sitting during the examination of the last +witness, with his face concealed by a book, now rose and said, "Your +Honor, and you, Gentlemen of the Jury, we shall waive the privilege of +cross-examining the last witness for the defence, that we may hasten to +introduce a few items of rebutting testimony at this stage of the +trial." + +This was said in so low a voice as scarcely to be heard, while he +actually trembled with the effort to suppress his emotions. "For this +purpose," he continued, "I recall Mrs. Martha Fuller." + +_Mr. Curtiss objects._ "She has been already on the stand." + +_Mr. Willard._ "Your Honor, I recall her to elicit new testimony, not +known at that time." + +Mrs. Fuller having presented herself, he asked leave of the court to +inquire, if any one here present were acquainted with the hand writing +of Oscar Colby, of Edward Stone, of Hugh Fuller, or of the late Joseph +Lee. + +Many voices responded to the call; a number of persons came forward, and +having taken the oath, Mr. Willard advanced toward them, and slowly +drawing out his large pocket-book, proceeded to take from thence two +yellow and time-worn documents. He partially unfolded them, when each of +the signatures were identified, with the exception of that of Edward +Stone. + +While this was going on the prisoners started suddenly from their seats, +lawyers and reporters dropped their pens in their eagerness to witness +what was to follow; even the counsellors for the defence seemed to hang +in breathless suspense upon the issue of the moment. + +Then unfolding the larger document, he said, "May it please your Honor, +and you, Gentlemen of the Jury: The names of Oscar Colby, Edward Stone, +and Hugh Fuller, here appear as witnesses to the last will and testament +of the late Joseph Lee, bearing his characteristic signature, and seal, +drawn up in the hand-writing of the said Oscar Colby, and bearing even +date with the deed before referred to, to wit:--Crawford, October +twenty-third, one thousand eight hundred and thirty-seven." + +Here Joseph Lee in a frenzy of rage attempted to spring over his own +box into that of his companion, and screamed out, as he met the iron +railing, "Perjured wretch, you swore to me it was destroyed." + +The sheriff rapped and thundered "_order in court_." Still he raved and +swore like a maniac, and the sheriff could not control him. + +Though he was heavily ironed, it required the full strength of several +constables to keep him quiet. + +Order being restored, Mr. Willard said, "I will here introduce two items +of written testimony to rebut the charge of insanity against the author +of the affidavit, the principal witness for the prosecution, and to +confirm other testimony for the government already before the court. It +was not known that these items existed, when we concluded the +presentation of the case in behalf of the Commonwealth. I put in as +written testimony, first, the last will and testament of Joseph Lee, +deceased, which is as follows: + + + "'In the name of God, Amen. I, Joseph Lee Senior, of Crawford, in + the County of ----, Commonwealth of Massachusetts, gentleman, being + on my sick bed, and in the near prospect of death, but of sound and + disposing mind and memory, do make and publish this my last will + and testament, hereby revoking a former will made by me, and signed + and sealed on the fifth day of August, one thousand eight hundred + and thirty-five. + + _First._ I hereby constitute and appoint my beloved son-in-law, + Allen Mansfield, to be sole executor of this my last will, + directing him to pay all my just debts and funeral charges out of + my personal estate, as soon after my decease, as shall by him be + found convenient. + + _Second._ I give and bequeath to my beloved daughter, Lucy Lee + Mansfield, all the real estate of which I may die possessed. + + _Third._ I give and bequeath to my faithful steward, Jacob Strong, + and to my faithful house-keeper, Susan Burns, each the sum of one + thousand dollars. + + _Fourth._ I also give and bequeath to each of my faithful + servants, Samuel Dane, Sarah Brown, and Maria Keys, the sum of five + hundred dollars. + + _Fifth._ I give and bequeath the sum of ten thousand dollars as a + fund to the Pastor, Rev. Asa Munroe, and Deacon Simon Crocker, and + Deacon Josiah Hanscomb, of the first Congregational church in this + place, to be held in trust by them and their successors in office + forever, subject to the advice of said church. The annual income + thereof is to be by them expended for the relief of the poor, and + for objects of charity; a preference being always given among the + poor to those impoverished by intemperance; and among objects of + charity to those more immediately under their observation. + + _Sixth._ I give and bequeath all the residue of my personal + property to my son-in-law, Allen Mansfield, Frank Lenox and John + Marshall, and their successors whom they shall appoint, to be by + them held in trust, and at their discretion used for the support, + and personal comfort of my son, Joseph Lee, and to his heirs after + him; or in the event of his death without legitimate offspring, the + same shall after his decease revert to my daughter Lucy Lee + Mansfield, her heirs and assigns forever. + + In testimony whereof, I, the said Joseph Lee, have to this my last + will and testament, set my hand and seal, this twenty-third day of + October, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and + thirty-seven. + + JOSEPH LEE. [L. S.] + + Signed, sealed, published, and declared by the said Joseph Lee, as + and for his last will and testament, in the presence of us, who at + his request, and in his presence, and in the presence of each + other, have subscribed our names as witnesses hereto. + + Oscar Colby, + + Edward Stone, + + Hugh Fuller.'" + + +After he had carefully folded the tattered document and replaced it in +his pocket-book, Mr. Willard read the other item of documentary +testimony, which proved to be this note of hand. + + + "For value received, I promise to pay Oscar Colby or order, five + thousand dollars annually, on the first day of January, in each + year, during the term of his natural life. + + Signed, Joseph Lee." + + Crawford, November 23, 1837. + + +On the back of this note were seven annual endorsements of five thousand +dollars each; amounting to thirty-five thousand dollars. + +Turning to the Judge, he then said, "May it please your Honor, and you, +Gentlemen of the Jury, I am instructed by my colleague, the Attorney +General, to submit the case in behalf of the Government without argument +or comment. This we do from a conviction that after such disclosures, +and this array of testimony, a closing argument would be not only a +superfluity, but almost an insult to your understanding." + +When he had resumed his seat, Mr. Burke for the defence arose, and said, +"May it please your Honor, and you Gentlemen of the Jury, no persons can +be taken by greater surprise at these remarkable disclosures, than the +counsellors for the defence. And cordially concurring in the remarks of +the learned counsel for the prosecution, we have concluded to follow his +worthy example, and submit the case without argument, merely invoking +for our clients as large a share of commiseration, as may consist with +your sense of justice, and with the laws pertaining to their cause." + +The Judge arose from the Bench, and in slow, and grave accents, +commended the counsellors, both for the prosecution and the defence for +the brief and direct manner in which they had mutually yielded the case +to the court. "The same considerations," he added, "which have in their +judgment superseded all demand for a closing argument, lead me, +Gentlemen of the Jury, to feel that there can be no occasion for my +giving you a prolonged charge. The nature of the crime for which the +prisoners are arraigned and the penalties which it incurs, have been so +properly and ably expounded to you by the counsellors as to supersede +the necessity of additional comment thereon by the Bench. The trial has +been protracted, and your minds must have been perplexed with doubts +respecting the importance to be attached to the confession of Hugh +Fuller until the introduction of the documentary testimony just +submitted, which pours a flood of light upon the case, which of itself +would seem sufficient to establish their guilt, and which, taken as a +corroboration of the direct and circumstantial testimony previously +before the court, amounts to an array of evidence seldom presented. If +this evidence has convinced your judgment of the guilt of the prisoners, +you will render your verdict accordingly." + +The Jury retired, and after a few moments returned. The foreman arose +and said, "We have made up our verdict." + +By order of the court Joseph Lee was remanded to the prisoner's box to +hear the verdict. + +_Clerk._ "Do you find the prisoners guilty, or not guilty?" + +Reply. "_Guilty._" + +_Judge._ "The Court will postpone the proclamation of the sentence until +the morning session." + +The Court then adjourned till Thursday morning at nine o'clock, it being +already past two o'clock, P. M. + + +_Thursday Morning, November 7th._ The court met pursuant to adjournment. +At nine o'clock the sheriff and his attendants came into the Court, but +without the prisoners. Great excitement was manifested. He communicated +with the Judge, who exhibited strong emotion, and who, when the sheriff +had opened the Court, announced the death by suicide of Joseph Lee, and +the dangerous illness of Oscar Colby. + + +_Monday, November 11th._ + +So ended this horrible tragedy. I intended to have taken notes, but my +all-absorbing interest in the trial prevented me. Indeed I forgot even +my intention to do so. The night of Tuesday, I could not close my eyes +in sleep; but lived over and over again the exciting scenes of the day, +while the loathsome, purple face of Joseph and the haggard visage of his +companion were ever before me. + +My dear Lucy was seriously indisposed when we called for her, on our way +to the trial, and was glad to remain at home. Allen too bore the marks +of the excitement and suffering of the day before, and said he would not +willingly go through another such day for all the property in Crawford. +But he was destined to a far greater trial during the day on which he +had entered. + +I have copied from the daily papers a full account of the trial, merely +adding to it from my own memory. But now I shall endeavor to explain +some circumstances connected with it which have not yet been made +public. You will remember that in the report of Wednesday morning, Mr. +Willard abruptly left the court-room, after requesting Mr. Marshall to +cross-examine the witnesses. The following statement he made to Allen +Mansfield, the Doctor, myself and some others after the trial. I will +relate it nearly in his own words. + +"It would hardly be supposed," he said, "that I could sleep much at that +stage of this exciting trial. I tossed from side to side during the +night, and as I reviewed the testimony, came almost to the conclusion +that the counsel for the defence would destroy the affidavit in the +minds of the Jury and get the case. I thought, if I could only find the +second will or some clue to it, this would relieve my embarrassment. I +became so much excited by the new train of thought, that I arose from my +bed, dressed, and commenced a vigorous walk across my room. + +"Plan after plan for obtaining it or some trace of it was thought of and +rejected. Morning dawned; and the duties of the day left me no time for +farther speculation. But my midnight thoughts prepared me for what +followed, and when I went into Court, a light dawned upon me. It was +connected with a circumstance with which you are already acquainted; +namely, with the anxiety which Colby had manifested to have his clothes +brought to him in the jail. + +"During the examination of one of the first witnesses, it suddenly +occurred to me to inquire of the jailer whether he had ever mentioned +any garment in particular. I left the court-room for that purpose, and +was soon at the jail. I began cautiously by asking whether the prisoners +had been rendered comfortable during their confinement. To this, the +jailer replied, 'far more comfortable than they deserved. They are +ungrateful rascals. Notwithstanding the pains I have taken with Joseph's +meals, in consequence of the wishes of his brother Mansfield, yet he was +always cursing and swearing in the most shocking manner.'" + +"And how was it with Colby? I asked. + +"I can't say that he did precisely the same. I've nothing to say against +him except that he was always complaining of cold and sending for more +clothes. I have sent twice, and I told him that I wouldn't be bothered +with sending again; so I gave him a shawl to put over him.' + +"Did he ever mention any particular garment which he wished?" + +"'Yes indeed. It's vests he asks for. The first time, the man forgot +about the vest, and brought an overcoat or something of that sort; but +the next time he got one.' + +"Well," said I, trembling with a mere suspicion that I had got a clue +that might lead to the discovery. The jailer seeing me much interested, +went on. + +"'The very next day, he wanted another vest; and I refused downright to +send again.' + +"Did he specify any one in particular?" + +"'Yes; he said he wanted a new checked satin one, hanging in his +wardrobe.' + +"I had heard enough; and bidding the jailer good morning, I stopped at +the court-room only long enough to take a sheriff, and proceeded to Lee +Hall. Without imparting my suspicions to my companion or to the keeper +of the house, I merely told them that I wished once more to examine the +room occupied by Mr. Colby; and notwithstanding the doubt of finding +anything new, expressed by the keeper, I walked straight to the +wardrobe, and took down every vest hanging there. + +"After laying them upon the bed, I proceeded, (not very deliberately, I +confess) to examine the pockets and to see if I could discover any inner +pockets. But no, the keeper standing by said, as I laid one down after +another, 'them are clothes has all undergone a thorough _castigation_, +and there ha'n't nothing been found in 'em.' + +"Hardly knowing why, I took up again the thick black satin vest, and +walked to the window. My heart almost stopped beating, as I saw that a +slit had been cut in the lining, and carefully sewed up again. Quick as +lightning, I cut the thread, put in my fingers, drew out the very +document of which I was in search, and the note of hand within it. I +sprang full two feet from the floor, as I discovered the treasure, and +my companions echoed and reechoed my shout of delight. I hastened to the +court-room with my important rebutting testimony," said he with a smile, +"and you know the result." + +Allen Mansfield was so excited during this relation that he had to sit +down two or three times, and then forgetting himself he started from his +seat. When Mr. Willard had finished his remarkable story, he found that +his circle of hearers had greatly increased since the commencement of +his narrative. Not only Mr. Marshall, the Attorney General, the +Counsellors for the defence, and a score of Reporters but the Judge from +the bench had pressed around him to learn how so important a mystery had +been revealed. He then received the warm congratulations of all his +associates at the bar, for his success, and at the favorable termination +of the suit. + +Mr. Mansfield begged the Doctor and myself to communicate the result of +the trial to Lucy. We did so, but found her suffering so severely from +nervous excitement, that my husband judged it wiser to avoid +particulars, and merely to inform her that the suit had resulted in her +favor. A deep sigh, with the words, "Oh! my poor brother Joseph!" were +all her reply. + +It was now past three o'clock, and I hastened to my babies, and +communicated the sad story to mother. In consequence of losing my sleep +the previous night, I did not rise till quite late on Thursday morning. +When I went below, a man was just leaving the hall; and as Frank shut +the door after him, I heard him say, "Oh! how shocking!" He immediately +prepared to go out. + +"My dear husband," I said, "something dreadful has happened, I perceive +by your looks. Don't be afraid to tell me. I fear Lucy"-- + +"No! _No!!_" said he, interrupting me, "I have heard nothing from her. +Don't be alarmed. I shall soon be back." + +He had been gone nearly an hour, when a messenger came in great haste +for him to go to Mr. Mansfield's--Lucy was in a dreadful swoon. I ran +down to inquire more particularly, and to direct him to go to the office +for the Doctor, when he told me the horrid catastrophe. Joseph Lee had +been found dead in his cell, having hung himself from a large hook +driven into the wall and used to hang up a coat or a hat. + +With mother's advice, I proceeded immediately to Mr. Mansfield's, where +I found every thing in the utmost confusion. Servants were running to +and fro; some crying, some trying to soothe others, while Emily and her +sweet little brothers were the only ones who remained calm. I stopped a +moment to speak to them in the nursery, when the dear girl said, "I'm +trying to keep my brothers quiet, because mamma is very sick." + +I hastened to their mother's chamber, where my husband was leaning over +his patient, applying the most powerful restoratives, while her agitated +husband and Mrs. Burns were putting stimulants to her hands and feet. +Not a pulse throbbed--no sign of life appeared. The Doctor repeatedly +held a small mirror before her face, but was unable to discover the +least breath. But at length, with a deep sigh from her over-burdened +heart, she very gradually recovered her consciousness. + +All stood back from her view except her physician. Poor Allen, with +tears streaming down his cheeks, dared not show himself. The sufferer +was soon able to take a little camphor and water, and without letting +her see me, I returned to the children. Summoning the nurse, I told her +if she would dress her young charge, I would send for them to pass the +day with my little ones; and not waiting for my husband, I returned +home. + +That was on Thursday morning, the time appointed by the Judge, for the +prisoners to receive their sentence. When the jailer went to carry them +their breakfast, he ascertained that one of them was beyond the reach of +any earthly tribunal. He had rushed unbidden, into the presence of his +great Judge. Hastening to the other cell, and almost fearing to enter, +lest he should find him in a similar condition, he ascertained that he +was raving incoherently from a fever, and hastily sent for the Doctor. +His disease proved to be a violent congestion of the brain; and it still +remains very doubtful whether he will recover. + +A coroner's jury was called to sit on the body of Joseph, and rendered a +verdict of death by suicide. The Doctor says he cannot see how he could +have succeeded in his attempt. He had hooked his cloak around his neck, +and then hung it upon the hook on the wall by one of the eyes which +fastened it together. He had been dead some hours, and probably +terminated his life soon after dark, though from the examination it +appeared that he must have been a long time in the agonies of death. His +face was almost black, and his hands tightly clenched. _So died Joseph +Lee!_ The vast wealth of which he had so unrighteously possessed +himself, what now was that to him? It would only fill his soul with +enduring agony and remorse. + + +_Friday, November 22d._ + +Emily Lenox Mansfield, with her twin brothers Charlie and Harry, have +this morning left us to go home. I feel quite lonely without them. Emily +is a most engaging child of six years of age. Her eyes filled with tears +as she parted with Pauline, who has been extremely kind and obliging to +her little visitors. I promised that she should soon spend a day with +them, now that their mother is getting stronger. Mrs. Mansfield was very +ill for several days after hearing of her brother's dreadful end. She +recovered from one fainting fit only to fall into another. I think Frank +became really alarmed at last; but she is now much better, and able to +sit up two or three hours in a day. + +She has never asked a question about the result of the trial, and is +still unacquainted with the shocking detail. The Doctor fearing lest she +should hear of it suddenly, told her yesterday of the death of Oscar +Colby, which occurred night before last. My husband has visited him +twice every day in his cell, hoping to find an opportunity, if his +reason should return, to point him to his crucified Saviour. But alas! +no such season presented itself. The poor man never appeared to be +conscious, not even for a moment, after he was found so ill the day +after the trial. + +One fact will interest you much. _The distillery is closed for ever._ +Mr. Mansfield intends to convert it into a large warehouse. + +Lee Hall is undergoing repairs, and early in the spring, I suppose we +shall lose our loved neighbors, who will go to the old homestead. Jacob +Strong and Sarah Brown will go back with them. Mrs. Burns and Maria +Keyes have always remained in the family. I believe I express the +feelings of the whole community when I say, that I am delighted that +such persons as Mr. and Mrs. Mansfield have come into the possession of +so valuable an estate. I know, they feel themselves to be but stewards, +and that they will hereafter be called to render an account of their +stewardship. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXI. + + "All is not here of our belov'd and blessed,-- + Leave ye the sleeper with his God to rest!" MRS. HEMANS. + + +_Wednesday, October 15th, 1845._ + +My dearly loved mother,--How can I express words of sympathy to you, +when my heart is so full of grief on my own account, from such a loss as +I can never experience but once, _the loss of a father_. + +To lose a parent under any circumstances is a heavy affliction; but to +lose such a father, and to be unable to administer to his comfort, by +his sick bed; to receive and treasure the words of love and wisdom which +fall from his lips,--to hear his last prayer, and receive his last +blessing, is indeed a sorrow heavy to be borne. You, my dear my only +surviving parent, have one source of comfort, which though it may at +present aggravate the loss you have sustained, will yet be an +unspeakable blessing to you; and that is in the precious memories of +your dear husband. These remembrances of the past, how will you live in +them after the first poignancy of your grief has abated; how greatly +will they sustain you. + +I can truly say, that not one unpleasant word, not one unholy expression +comes up to disturb the hallowed remembrance of my dearly loved father. +On the contrary, every hard feeling is softened, every unkind thought +subdued, when I think of his meek, loving spirit, and recollect his +words of love toward all mankind. "Dear, _dear_ father! And shall I +never see thee more? never more gaze into thy mild blue eyes, and see +the looks of parental fondness beaming there--never more feel thy warm +embrace, or hear thy gentle voice say, 'my daughter!'" + + + Ah! in the midnight hour I see _thee_ oft, + And hear thy voice-- + Thy mingled words of love and tenderness. + And thou dost point me to the promis'd land, + Where now thou dwell'st-- + The better land of never ending bliss. + + +My dear mother, if anything earthly could alleviate a sorrow like mine, +it is the hope, though yet faint, that I shall ere long look upon your +dear face and from your own lips hear the answer to the many questions +my heart yearns to ask. Do not disappoint me. Have I not a claim upon +you for a few years? I can anticipate one objection you will feel in +leaving the spot consecrated as the resting place of your beloved +husband. But, dear mother, _he_ is not there. He is with his Saviour, +and the throne of grace is as near us in America as in England. + +My dear Frank is almost as earnest in this request as I am, and will +meet you in New York, if Isabel or Nelly will go with you to Liverpool +and put you in charge of some one coming direct to that place. I long to +show you my treasures. Pauline you will love as if she were your own; +and Nelly's face is wreathed in smiles at the name of grand-mamma +Gordon. Franky is a merry, joyous little fellow, who wins his way to +every heart. He holds out his arms to any one who comes in, and never +was the old adage, "love begets love," more true than in his case; for +many persons who are not in the habit of noticing children, are so well +pleased at the readiness with which the child concludes them to be +friends, that they are never weary of praising him. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXII. + + "In the joy of a well ordered home, be warned that this is not your + rest; + For the substance to come may be forgotten in the present beauty of + the shadow." TUPPER. + + +_Tuesday, August 6th, 1850._ + +We were rejoiced, dear mother, to hear of your safe arrival at home, and +the hearty welcome you received from your children and grand-children. + +With Isabel's four, and Nelly's two little ones, you really have quite a +flock. I wish they could all be together once. I long to have my +children acquainted with their English cousins. + +Pauline is quite inclined to commence a correspondence with Isabel's +Ernest. You were so much pleased with her perfect simplicity and +artlessness of character, I will relate a little incident which occurred +since you left. The Doctor and myself were invited to a small party at +Mr. Mansfield's, and as has often occurred of late, Pauline was included +in the invitation. + +She met there quite a number of young ladies of her own age, as well as +many older persons. In the course of the evening music was called for, +and some of the young ladies were requested to play upon the piano or +harp. Misses upon whom hundreds of dollars had been expended for +instruction in music, and who had been daily practising for many years, +now refused to gratify their parents, or friends, by an effort to play. + +One young lady "couldn't think of it," and with a great affectation of +modesty, "never could play if any one was by." This same young lady in +the course of the evening, not only _did_ play, after being sufficiently +urged to do so, but laughed so loud that her rudeness arrested the +attention of all present. Another young miss had a "very bad cold;" the +cold however subsided after sufficient pleading to sing from a young +gentleman near her. + +But I was intending to speak of my simple-hearted Pauline. She appeared +much astonished at the unwillingness to oblige, which these young girls +manifested; and when one of the company said, "here is a young lady, +who, I think, will give us some music," she very gracefully walked to +the piano-forte, pleasantly saying, "I shall be very happy to oblige +you." She played, by her own selection, some simple pieces which she +accompanied with her sweet voice. + +The lady was moved to tears, while the young people crowded around her, +eagerly asking for more. She willingly complied, and played one piece +after another as they were selected for her, and with such beauty of +expression and even brilliancy in the execution, that I was not only +delighted by her sweet manner, but proud of the success of my first +pupil. + +Mrs. Marshall sat near me, and said with tears in her eyes, "My dear +Mrs. Lenox, you have a great treasure in that lovely girl," (and so +indeed I have.) "I hope," she continued, "that the young ladies will +endeavor to imitate so worthy an example." + + +_Wednesday, August 7th._ + +I have given the children a holiday, on account of the intense heat. I +am richly repaid for all my care in the education of Pauline, by the aid +she is to me in the care of her sister and brother. + +Franky loves her as a teacher, even better than he does me. I fear, he +sometimes imposes upon her good nature and her great love for him, by +his inattention and restlessness during school-hours. But I really +cannot blame them such a day as this, with the thermometer at ninety +degrees in the shade. + +There is a great deal of sickness in the town, and the Doctor has a +number of cases of typhus fever. I think such cases have occurred every +year about this season. He now realizes the benefit of so efficient a +partner as he finds in Doctor Clapp, whose days of leisure have been +long ago forgotten, or only remembered to be sighed for. He has removed +to a pleasant residence down in town, and his good wife finds ample +employment in the training of her numerous little flock, leaving her +culinary department, in which she was so skilful, to the aid which her +husband's abundant means enable him to provide. + + +_Thursday, August 8th._ + +The heat still continues unabated. I should be inclined to call myself +sick, if it were not for my anxiety for the Doctor, who appears to me to +be quite unwell, though he will not allow it to be anything of +importance, but only the effect of riding in the heat. I do believe +physicians make the very worst patients, and dread the taking of +medicine more than any other class of persons. + + +_Saturday, August 10th._ + +We have had a most refreshing shower, which has cooled the heated air. +But it does not appear to have revived my poor husband, who though still +suffering from a most violent head-ache, yet persisted in going to visit +a few of his sickest patients. I am really very anxious, and will set up +my authority when he returns. We have long ago settled the vexed +question of _obedience_; I am to obey him when he is well, and he is to +obey me when he is sick. + + +_Sabbath, August 11th._ + +My authority was unnecessary. Dear Frank came home at noon, pale as a +ghost, and went willingly to bed. I sent for Dr. Clapp without +consulting him, and a powder which he administered has somewhat relieved +the pain, so that he is now asleep, while I sit by him. + + +_Monday, September 2d._ + +Oh! how much of fear, anxiety and engrossing care has been crowded into +the few days which have intervened since I wrote the above. + +I have taken my pen, as I sit by the couch of my husband, to relieve my +swelling heart. The night succeeding the first call of Dr. Clapp, Frank +was perfectly wild with delirium. I was obliged to call Cæsar to help me +keep him in bed. He did not know us, and supposed we were trying to keep +him from getting home. Oh! how my heart ached, as he entreated to be +allowed to go home, saying again and again, "my wife will be so +anxious." + +Sometimes for a minute, he seemed to recognize mother, and then would +talk to her in the strangest manner, thinking her a patient or somebody +else. Notwithstanding all the skill of his physician, the unceasing +watchfulness of friends, or the action of medicine, my dear, _dear_ +husband rapidly grew worse. Indeed Dr. Clapp said, he must have had a +settled fever for a week before he took his bed. Early on Monday +morning, the twelfth ultimo, our kind Doctor sent to the city for Dr. +J----, an eminent physician, to come to Crawford for a consultation. + +He arrived by the next train of cars. I watched their looks, and hung +upon their words, as if they had the power of life and death in their +hands. I knew that Dr. Clapp considered my dear husband a very sick man; +but oh! I did not realize till then, that there was hardly a hope of his +recovery. Dr. J---- looked very grave, and when his brother physician in +a low voice, pointed out some of the symptoms, he shook his head. + +I went silently from the room; I could contain myself no longer. They +soon retired to consult upon the case, after which I begged them to +tell me exactly what they thought of their patient. Dr. Clapp turned +hastily away, while Dr. J---- pressed my hand, saying, "My dear madam, +we are all in the hands of God." + +I almost gasped for breath, as I tried to say, "but you think he will +live, oh! say that he will live." + +The kind Doctor put his handkerchief to his eyes, as he answered, "while +there is life, there is hope, but I ought not to deceive you." + +"Oh!" said I, while weeping bitter tears, "I can't hear you say that I +may not hope." + +Dr. Clapp wrung my hand, and wept aloud, "I shall lose the best friend I +ever had," said he, while I sank back almost fainting into a chair. Dr. +J---- sat down by me, and tried to compose my feelings, saying that I +should be ill myself, and that my dear husband had lived a useful life, +and was prepared to enter upon his glorious inheritance; but every word +cut deeper and deeper into my heart, convincing me that they had given +up all hope. I pressed my hand to my head which seemed to be flying off, +and rushed from the room. I flew to the farther end of the house, to a +room the most remote from that where lay my sick, and as they thought, +my dying husband. I threw myself upon the bed and wept aloud. My heart +was in a dreadful state of rebellion against my Maker. The most awful +thoughts came into my mind; but I drove them hence; "Why should I lose +my husband? I do not wish to live without him. I cannot give him up," +was the language of my unsubmissive heart. But all at once the thought +of my horrible ingratitude to my heavenly Father, who had bestowed upon +me such a companion, and who had allowed us to live together so many +years, struck me dumb. I arose from my bed, threw myself upon my knees, +and plead earnestly for pardon, and for a submissive spirit. I knew, I +felt, I confessed that I had made an idol of my dear Frank, and I cried +fervently for a spirit to say, + + + "The dearest idol I have known, + Whate'er that idol be, + Help me to tear it from thy throne, + And worship only thee." + + +Long and severe was the struggle with my hard and undutiful feelings. +But the answer came at length, and with tears which were no longer +bitter, I arose and was enabled by divine grace to say, "The Lord gave +and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord." I felt a +sweet peace in giving him, whom I best loved to my Saviour, and it +seemed but a very short time before I should go to him and dwell with +him, where there would be no more sorrow, and no more parting, but where +all tears would be wiped from our eyes. + +When I went back to the sick room, however, and saw the pale, haggard +countenance, the sunken eyes, and heard the labored breath, my heart +sunk within me, as I realized that he would soon pass from my sight, +without one parting word, one farewell kiss. As I stood gazing at him, +the inspired passage occurred to me, "In whose hands our breath is, and +whose are all our ways." I then remembered that God had power to restore +the emaciated form before me, to new life and vigor. The thought that it +might be his will to give my husband back to me, even from the borders +of the grave, sent the warm blood throbbing through me. I again poured +out my heart in prayer to God, not for myself, but for the life of my +husband. I renewedly dedicated him to God. I cried out, "Oh! my heavenly +Father, give me his life." + +Dear mother also was besieging the throne of grace in his behalf. But he +lay unconscious of the agonized hearts throbbing near him, anxiously +watching every breath he drew. + +Dr. Clapp was to be with him through Monday night. Mother besought me to +try to sleep. I wondered if she thought I could ever sleep again? But I +only shook my head. The crisis was rapidly approaching. I saw that not a +sigh, or a groan escaped the notice of our kind physician; but I was +calm. I even wondered at myself. A strong, but invisible arm was put +round about me to strengthen me, and I leaned upon it to sustain my +drooping spirit. The night passed slowly away, the morning began to +dawn; not a word had been spoken for the past hour. Dr. Clapp sat with +his fingers upon the wrist of his patient, where he could scarce feel +the fluttering pulse. Ever and anon he would take the candle from the +table, hold it before the face of the pale sufferer, and then silently +shade it again. + +At length he arose, and putting his fingers upon his lips, to enjoin +perfect silence, he withdrew from the room. Nothing could be heard but +the ticking of the watch and our own loud breathing. It seemed a long, +_long_ time that the Doctor was absent, and when he came in, I saw he +had been weeping. In an agony of grief my very soul yearned for one more +look, one more word of love. I hardly dared to uncover my face. When I +did so, the Doctor was wetting his patient's lips with a sponge. Then he +sat down again, with his fingers upon the pulse. + +What had come over the man? I wiped my eyes to see clearer. His whole +face was lit up with an expression, to which it had for many days been a +stranger; but I dared not hope. Again and again the sponge was dipped in +the cup and applied to the parched lips, and still we sat, as though we +had no tongues, or knew not how to use them, when feeling that I could +not breathe, I silently arose and left the room. The kind watcher +followed, and leading me down stairs to the library, shut the door, and +in a husky voice said, "My dear Mrs. Lenox, the crisis has passed, and +your husband still lives." + +I started from my chair. "Compose yourself, my dear lady," he continued. +"There is hope that he may recover," and our sympathizing friend wept +tears of joy. + +But for me the reaction was too great. I felt myself falling to the +floor. When I recovered Pauline was bathing my temples. Dr. Clapp had +left the room and returned to his patient. I speedily recovered and +followed him, and was softly stepping toward the bed where mother sat +holding her beloved son by the hand. But the physician saw me and +motioned me back. I withdrew into the hall, where he soon joined me, and +leading me away from the door, said, "Your husband is now conscious, and +will recognize you. Can you compose yourself? The least excitement may +be fatal to him." + +After a moment, in which I tried to hush the loud beating of my heart, +and to breathe a prayer for strength, I said, "I think I can," and we +again entered the room. I walked silently to the bed, and looked at my +darling Frank. His eyes were closed and his face closely resembled +death; but when he feebly opened his eyes, the light of reason beamed +thence, and he knew me. I kissed his forehead and almost flew from the +room. My heart was filled with the most delightful emotions of gratitude +and joy, "and though my voice was silent, being stopped by the +intenseness of what I felt, yet my soul sung within me and even leaped +for joy." The emotion was so intense as to be nearly allied to pain. I +pressed my hand to my heart to keep it from bursting. I heard a gentle +step, and my sweet Pauline sat by my side, and drawing my head to her +breast, sought to soothe my agitated feelings. She had been weeping. +"Dear mamma," she whispered, "I am so happy, I have been trying to thank +God for making dear father better." + +"My love," said I, "will you thank our heavenly Father for me?" As we +sat, she breathed out her heart to God like one who was used to going to +him, as to a tender father. I pressed her to me and thanked God for so +great a treasure. + + +_Wednesday, September 4th._ + +I was proceeding with my writing, the day before yesterday, supposing +Frank to be asleep, when he put his hand upon mine, and said, "my love, +you have wept quite enough." + +While scarcely conscious of the fact, I had been continually wiping my +eyes, to enable me to see the page. Many tears I see have fallen upon my +paper. + +"They are tears of gratitude," I replied, lifting his hand to my lips. +"My heart is so full it overflows." There were answering tears in his +eyes then; "Cora," said he with the utmost tenderness, "while I lay upon +this bed, and in the near prospect of death, I saw that I had made idols +of the dear ones God has given me; and I resolved, his grace +strengthening me, that I would devote myself more entirely to him. We +cannot love each other too much, my own wife; but let us love God more. +While we love each other, and our dear children, let us not forget him, +who so loved us as to die for us." + + +_Tuesday, September 10th_. + +My dear husband gains but slowly. He has not yet been able to have his +bed made, but he says, he does not suffer except from weakness. After +being absent from the room about an hour to give Nelly her music lesson, +I returned and took Pauline's place by her father's side, requesting her +to go out with the children for a walk. + +He took up the book, she had turned down upon the bed, supposing I +should continue the reading. "I hardly know," said he, "which to admire +the more, the skill of the teacher, or the proficiency of the pupil. +Pauline is a fine reader, and her voice is very musical." + +"Yes," I answered, "I have often thought her voice low and melodious as +the daughters of Italy." + +"She may be one of them," he replied, closing his eyes. "Cora," he +resumed after a short pause, "I have had time to think of a great many +things since I lay here, and I feel that I have not dealt justly by our +daughter, Pauline." + +"Frank," said I, interrupting him, "you do yourself wrong." + +"Hear me through," said he pleasantly. "I do not mean that I do not love +her enough, for there is no difference in my feelings toward her, and +her lively sister; or if any, my love is more deep and sacred to the +child of our adoption; but if I should be taken away, she could not +inherit a share of my property, as a child. If I ever rise from my bed, +I will make a will, so that all my children shall share alike." I +pleaded long and earnestly with him to allow me the privilege of making +over to her my own property, which he had insisted upon settling upon +me. + +But he said "no," very decidedly, and when I was calm enough to hear, he +explained his refusal to my satisfaction. + +"Pauline has no idea that she is not of our blood, and I hope, she may +never know it--unless"--said he, "but that is very unlikely"--and +stopped. + +"I know, you are thinking if we should ever discover her parents; but if +we do, she is nothing to them as she is to us. They have never inquired +for her." + +"Softly," said Frank, with a smile, "I do not think there is any +occasion for you to distress yourself; your imagination, I dare say, has +already pictured her mother standing before you, ready to take her from +your arms." + +I laughed, "Yes," I answered, "pretty nearly that; but go on." + +"If any such event should occur," said he, returning to the subject from +which we had digressed, "a difference between her and them might call up +feelings and explanations which would be unpleasant to all concerned." + +I fully concurred in this view of the case, and then we discussed her +lovely character, and heartily agreed that we had reaped a rich reward +for our care of her, in the influence she exerted over her brother and +sister. + +"Frank obeys her," said I, "quite as readily as he does me, though she +never exercises any authority over him. She has a charm, I believe; I +don't know what I should do without her." + +"I fear," said Frank, "you'll have to give her up some day." + +"What for?" said I eagerly. + +"Why somebody may come along and win her away." + +"She is nothing but a child, only seventeen last June." + +"And how many years older, and how much taller was my Cora, when I took +her from her mother? You will never know how I loved you for taking the +friendless child so closely to your heart. I had looked forward with the +hope that God would bless our union, and give us children; but I had not +thought of finding one so soon. I have often laughed to myself," he +continued, "at the remark dear, good aunt Susy made about my being so +impatient 'for a darter I had to pick one up in the streets, and give to +you.' Good old soul! She hit pretty near the truth, certainly. Seldom +has anything given me greater pleasure than when you taught the little +creature to say 'Papa,' and you blushed so rosy too. I dared not say +much; I feared you might grow weary of the care. I had not then learned +all I have since. But when I saw you give up many pleasures to devote +yourself to the little motherless child, and particularly when I +witnessed year after year your care of her education, I have felt that +you would have your reward." + + +_Monday, September 23rd_. + +Mother and I are now obliged to exert our authority. The Doctor is as +hungry as a bear, and says he will not be kept on slops any longer. He +spoke so much like a child begging for some cake, or bread and butter, +that I had a hearty laugh at him. But though he could not keep from +laughing in sympathy, yet he says, "it is a very serious matter; Dr. +Clapp has been starving me for a month past, and now I intend to have +something to eat." + +Mother promised him a slice of toast for his dinner, and he asked half a +dozen times in the course of an hour if it were not dinner time. At +length I gave him the watch that he might see for himself. When Pauline +brought the toast and tea, he entered upon the discussion of them with +such a grave face, as if it were of such solemn importance, that Pauline +and I had enough to do to keep from laughing aloud, which in the present +state of his nerves would never do. + +Mother says, "it's always a good sign when children are worrysome." + +But the Doctor did not take this speech at all well, and said with a +grieved look, "I was not aware I had given occasion for such a remark." + + +_Wednesday, September 25th._ + +We have had war in the camp. But I must explain. I noticed this morning +that Phebe was cooking something very savory, but thought no more of it. +Mother, Pauline, or I, have always remained with the Doctor while the +others are at dinner. + +To-day I thought I would remain; but Frank would not consent. Pauline +said, "No, mamma, I'll attend to father," at the same time I saw that +she was very much flushed and looked really distressed. Frank insisted +she should remain, and I went below, wondering not a little at the +meaning of all this. After I had carved for the others, I thought so +much of Pauline's looks, that I excused myself a moment, and ran softly +back to the room. + +Judge then of my amazement when I beheld Phebe standing before her +master holding a bowl, while the Doctor was putting spoonful after +spoonful into his mouth, as fast as he could. Pauline stood by looking +as if she were not sure whether to laugh or to cry. + +I sprang forward to take the bowl; but quicker than thought, Phebe had +caught it under her apron, hoping I had not seen it, while the Doctor +looked like a whipped dog. The whole affair was so ludicrous, that it +was with the utmost difficulty, I could keep my countenance. But +endeavoring to look very stern, I said, "Dr. Frank Lenox, you will +please to tell me what you have been eating?" He had already eaten a +hearty dinner for a sick man, not half an hour before. + +There was no reply. + +"Well then," said I, "there is no help for it. I must give you a dose of +castor oil." I proceeded toward the closet, as if I were intending to +administer it to him at once, while I was thankful for an opportunity to +relax my stern countenance. + +"Cora," cried the Doctor, "don't give me any." His voice was feeble, +and I could carry the joke no farther. + +"Well; then, what can I do?" I asked, returning to him. "Phebe, do you +know that what you were giving your master may cause his death?" + +Pauline began to cry, "Oh, mamma, I was afraid I was not doing right, +but father so longed for some chicken broth." + +"Laws missus!" said Phebe, uncovering the bowl, "'tan't got no strength +to it. 'Pears like he's powerful hungry. I 'clare your ole Phebe be de +last one make the broth too strong for sick mass'r." + +I tasted the broth and finding it really weak, I hoped my hungry patient +had sustained no real injury. The Doctor put out his hand to Pauline, +and in a most child-like tone said, "I was the only one to blame, dear +child." + +She kissed him, and I motioned her to go below. Frank looked as if he +thought he deserved a punishment, and expected to receive it; but some +how I never could punish a child who appeared sorry, and just so I felt +in this case; and therefore I merely said, "I will help you to lie down, +and will read to you. My dear husband," I said, when I rose to go below +for my dinner, "if the broth does not injure you, I will ask Dr. Clapp +to let you have a dinner of it to-morrow." + +He looked his thanks and pressed my hand. I am more than ever convinced +that man was made to command, and woman to obey, and that the rule in +that good old fashioned book is right, "wives _reverence_ your +husbands--husbands _love_ your wives." + + +_Tuesday, October 1st._ + +Frank is so much better, that he not only eats broth, but chicken and +eggs. I believe, he would eat six meals a day, if we would carry them to +him. But I think he is growing a little more rational. Pauline came to +me the other day, very much grieved at herself for carrying the broth to +her father. He had begged her to ask Phebe up, when mother and I were +away, enjoining the strictest secrecy upon her, and the poor child knew +not what to do. I comforted her with the thought that no harm had come +of it, and she would know better next time. + +Frank sits up almost all day, and we are beginning to feel a little +settled. School lessons are vigorously learned, Pauline having been duly +installed in my place as teacher. I have as much as I can do to take +care of my patient, who is, however, rather _impatient_ sometimes, if I +am long out of the room. + +If I leave him with mother, I have to set the exact time that I will +return, and give him the watch to mark the minutes. Though often +inconvenient, yet it is delightful to have him longing for me to be with +him. I would not for worlds have it otherwise. + + +_Monday, October 7th._ + +I have some wonderful news for you, dear mother. It is our present +intention to leave America just as soon as the Doctor is able, spend the +winter and spring in the south of France, and return home by way of +England. + +We should not be able to do this, if it were not for our kind friend and +physician, Dr. Clapp. I love him as a dear brother, and there is a most +delightful intercourse between our families. I have not time to tell you +how this plan came about so quickly; only to say that it is nothing new +to the Doctor; but he has been keeping it to himself. Mother will spend, +at least, part of the winter with Emily, and Ann will go with her. Cæsar +and Phebe will remain here. Ruth is to accompany us with all the +children. + + +_Thursday, October 7th._ + +We hope to leave in the "_Unicorn_" which sails the twenty-fifth of this +month. The Doctor has rode out once, and it did him great good. Pauline +is much pleased with the prospect of visiting Europe, while Nelly and +Frank are perfectly wild with delight. We may meet Joseph Morgan, who +has been in business in France for two years or more. + + +_Friday, October 11th._ + +I have but a moment to tell you that preparations are going on briskly. +Emily Benson has come over from the parsonage and is very efficient +assistance. She thinks of everything. Mr. Benson lost nothing by waiting +five years for her. She has developed into a splendid woman, and is +universally beloved in the parish. "Her husband also and he praiseth +her." + +Though every moment is precious, yet I cannot refrain from repenting a +remark of our good friend, Mrs. Marshall, wife of the Attorney General, +in relation to our dear sister. She said, "Mr. Benson's family reminds +me of Cowper's description of his friends, the Unwins, 'Go when I will, +I find a house full of peace and cordiality in all its parts and am sure +to hear no scandal, but such discourse instead of it, as we are all the +better for.'" + +You would laugh if you could see the quantity of baggage master Franky +has collected for the journey, and which he has no doubt aunt Emily will +be able to get into his trunks. This moving a whole family for an +absence of nine months, which is probably the length of time we shall be +away from home, is no trifling matter. + +Mother insists that I shall not trouble myself with a thought about home +arrangements. She will attend to everything here. My dear husband gains +a little every day, and I think would gain faster if it were not for his +anxiety to do more than he is able. He has been so long accustomed to +take care of all of us, that he can hardly restrain himself until he is +overcome with fatigue. + + +_Wednesday, October 23rd._ + +Dear mother, our trunks are packed, and we are on the eve of departure. +To-morrow morning we leave for New York, and are to sail on Thursday. + +A day or two since the Doctor received a champagne-basket full, not of +wine, but of London porter, from his grateful patient, Lucy Mansfield. +This we are to take with us, and Frank has already received benefit from +it. With love to all the dear ones at home, I must bid you _farewell_. I +intend to take my journal with me to New York and mail it from thence. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIII. + + "With wild surprise + As if to marble struck devoid of sense, + A stupid moment motionless she stood." THOMSON. + + +_Nice, France, Tuesday, December 10th, 1850._ + +Dear Mother,--After a long, but not tedious voyage, the good ship +"Unicorn," bore us gallantly into the port of Havre, where we arrived on +the twenty-eighth of November. + +I could almost see my dear husband gain in flesh and strength, so +rapidly did he improve. He walks about now as erect and strong as ever. +We tarried but two days in Havre, and then proceeded to this place, +where we are comfortably established for the winter. That is, we _shall_ +be, when we can get our trunks unpacked. + +I don't know but I shall regret not having taken mother Lenox's advice +to bring Ann instead of Ruth. The poor girl appears almost demented, as +she cannot understand a word of the language; and whenever I send her to +the kitchen to bring water, or anything from thence, I hear a perfect +roar of laughter from the servants at her droll talk and signs. She +generally comes back empty handed as she went, rolling her white eyes +from side to side, while she sometimes laughs, and sometimes cries at +her "poor luck," as she calls it. To-day she came to me in great +indignation, saying, "I 'clare, missus, 'pears like I'se couldn't bring +down my idees to make dem doe heads 'stand anything I'se seb. I'se tink +dey find dis chile has been brought up in de way to teach dem manners." + +The weather is perfectly delightful. I only wish all the dear ones I +love were here to enjoy it with us. It is quite fortunate for me that I +have no household cares, for I have a double portion of journalizing. I +promised to write mother Lenox, in the same full, free manner, as I have +always written to you. And as the same journal will be passed from +mother to Emily, and from Emily to Lucy, and from Lucy to somebody else, +I must be especially careful of my style, while in writing to you I +merely let my pen travel on at its utmost speed, and with our own poet, + + + "I feel a certain tingling come + Down to my fingers, and my thumb." + + +Perhaps you can imagine, but I cannot describe to you, the thrill of +delight which I felt when I first stepped upon _terra firma_ in Havre; +and remembered that though still far from home, and the grave of my dear +father; yet I was in the same hemisphere with yourself and my beloved +sisters. + +No ocean rolled between us. + +I was quite amused at a discussion, I overheard between Nelly and Frank, +just before I commenced writing. Nelly was earnestly talking of the +pleasure she anticipated in going to England, and wishing the time were +already come. In both expectation and regret, she was cordially joined +by her brother. She then proceeded to give Frank a particular account of +aunt Nelly which could hardly be from memory; and ended by saying, "I am +the most related to her of any of the family." + +This, Frank stoutly denied, saying, "She is as much my aunt as yours." +After quite a warm discussion of this interesting point, the disputants +agreed to leave it to Ruth, who, after carefully weighing the subject, +said in a very gracious tone to Frank, "I 'spects, she is, Mass'r Frank. +But then 'pears like its you that's the nearest to mass'r, 'cause your +name be like his." I hope Mrs. Colonel Morton will not be unduly elated +at the honor to which Nelly aspires. + + +_Saturday, December 14th._ + +With the Doctor's efficient aid, we are now reduced to order; and can +find a dress or apron without strewing the floor with the contents of +three or four trunks. The same hands have driven up an innumerable +number of nails for clothes, of which Ruth and I have made extempore +closets by sewing rings to a sheet, and hanging them in front, so that +we have only to put aside our curtain, and we are in the inclosure, +while coats, dresses, and other clothes are free from dust. Master +Franky has a trunk devoted to him for his toys, and so far thinks it +much more convenient than his drawers and lockers at home. Another trunk +has been assigned to books, slates and apparatus. School commenced in +earnest to-day. + +The Doctor has sent for a piano, that the children may not lose their +practice. He also intends Pauline to take lessons on the harp. I am not, +as you know, a proficient upon that instrument. + +I have added to my family a little French girl, daughter of one of the +peasants, who was very willing to leave her parents for a time, to come +to us. Ruth is a very good sempstress; and I find enough of that +employment for her, and in following "mass'r Franky" in his walks of +discovery about the town. + +My husband chose this location from the fact of its being so healthy; +and because there is a Protestant church here. Nice is a great resort +for invalids. There are quite a number of families here at present. One +lady, with her husband, child and servant occupy rooms above ours. Frank +intends calling with me on the aged pastor, whom we have not seen except +at church. Our landlord speaks of him with the greatest enthusiasm and +affection; and ascribes the peace and prosperity of the place mainly to +his influence, and untiring efforts for the good of his people. + + +_Friday, December 20th._ + +There is very little variety in our life, and I fear, I shall not be +able to relate much that will interest you. I give six hours a day to +the children, while Pauline recites in mathematics and Italian to her +father. I wish, dear mother, you could see our Pauline again. She +reminds me of an author, who describing a young lady, says, "she is near +that age, sixteen, at which every day brings with it some new beauty to +her form." No one can be more modest, nor, (which seems wonderful in a +woman,) more silent; yet when she speaks you might believe a muse was +speaking. But then her face, + + + "So lovely, yet so arch, so full of mirth, + The overflowings of an innocent heart." + + +She is silent only when strangers are present. In the company of those +she loves, she is all animation, and merriment. Her father says it is a +perfect delight to teach her. The remainder of the school hours Frank +devotes to reading, which is a real luxury to him, reserving his walks +until we can accompany him. + +The Doctor and myself called last evening upon Mr. Percival, whose gray +locks, and venerable aspect had already inspired us with respect. He +received us with the kindness of a father, and related many incidents +connected with his flock which were very pleasing. He has established +two schools, one for infant scholars, and another for those more +advanced. The infant scholars, however, are many of them near a dozen +years of age. He accompanied us part of the way on our return to visit +an English gentleman, who is very sick and has come here to die. +"Perhaps," said the old gentleman, "at some future time, I may +communicate some facts relative to his history. His life has been one of +no common interest." + +We parted from our companion with regret, having obtained from him a +promise to return our call at his earliest convenience. + + +_Monday, December 23d._ + +This morning an incident occurred, which for want of other excitement, +has given us a fruitful subject for conversation. Having observed a +retired spot not far distant from the house where the invalid of whom I +spoke was stopping, we turned our steps toward it, and found it to be a +family burying place containing five graves, upon one of which was a +beautifully white marble monument, inscribed with the simple word +"Imogen." We stood a while to weave each for ourselves a history of this +loved one, whose grave was of the usual size of a fully grown woman. +Perhaps she was an only daughter, or a young wife, whose early departure +had cast a gloom over a large family. + +Pauline and Nelly who started with us had lingered on the way, and came +in sight just as we turned to leave the place. Meeting our good friend, +Mr. Percival, we walked on slowly together, leaving them to visit the +simple grave. It was nearly an hour before they returned. The Doctor and +I were enjoying a delightful conversation with our aged friend, who had +accompanied us home, when Nelly came bounding into the room, saying, in +an excited tone, "oh, mamma!" But seeing we were not alone she checked +herself, and was introduced together with Pauline to our visitor. I +gazed at Pauline with wonder. Her whole countenance was lighted with +animation. Her eyes sparkled, and there was the richest bloom upon her +cheeks. I saw at a glance that something unusual had occurred, and said +inquiringly, "Well, my daughters, have you had a pleasant walk?" + +"Very," they replied, and retired from the room. + +Our visitor had no sooner taken his departure than they came running in, +eager to communicate their adventure. + +"Oh, mamma!" exclaimed Nelly, throwing herself into a chair, "Pauline +has had such a scene." + +"Yes, mamma," said Pauline, "I never expected to create such a sensation +as I did soon after you left. I went to the cemetery with Nelly, and +after walking around had thrown myself down before the monument marked +'Imogen.' I was imagining my own feelings, had the interred been my +mother, and thinking if such were the case, how I should love to visit +her grave, and plant flowers around it, when I looked up to meet the +glance of a young man who was tenderly assisting an old gentleman toward +the very spot where I knelt, while in one hand he carried a portable +seat. A single glance sufficed to assure me that they were mourners for +some beloved friend lying there; and I sprang up hastily and apologized +for my intrusion. The old gentleman had not appeared to observe me until +I spoke; but then he started back as if he had seen a ghost, and would +have fallen to the ground had not his companion hastily thrown down the +stool, and caught him in his arms. I opened it, and stepping behind them +motioned the younger one that it would be better to let him be seated. +He put his hand feebly to his head, saying audibly, 'Oh, my God! support +me under this.' Then turning to his son, he said, 'Did you see her, +Eugene?' + +"'Who, father?' + +"'Why oh! I forgot myself. Let us return; I can't stay here. Perhaps +she'll come back.' + +"'Dear father, your eyes have deceived you. It was only a young lady who +happened to be reading the epitaph upon the tomb stone;' and he turned +to look again at me. + +"I had lost all power of motion, and was so drawn toward father and son, +that I had not thought of moving. + +"'You have been so very anxious,' continued the young man, 'to come here +once more, and the air is so balmy to-day, I fear you will not have so +favorable an opportunity again.' + +"A deep sigh was the only reply; and the son took a pocket-handkerchief, +and tenderly wiped his father's forehead, as he leaned against his +breast. 'Perhaps,' said he, addressing me in French,' you will come +around in front of the grave. My father is much agitated at your sudden +appearance.' + +"I replied, in English, that I was very sorry for what had happened; +and regretted that I had been led by curiosity to intrude upon their +retirement. + +"'No apology is necessary,' he replied. + +"'To whom are you talking, Eugene?' asked the invalid in a very feeble +voice. + +"'To the lady, you saw, father,' and he made a motion with his hand for +me to stand where he could see me. + +"I did so, but no sooner did the old gentleman perceive me, than he +started forward holding out both his hands as if to embrace me; and then +with a dreadful groan fell back into the arms of his son. + +"'Oh! what can I do for you?' I asked in affright. + +"'Fly,' said he, 'to that house,' pointing to the nearest one, 'and call +for help. Stay,' he continued quickly, 'if you could hold him, I could +go quicker.' + +"'Nelly,' I exclaimed, as she came running toward me, after wandering +all over the enclosure, 'Run as quick as you can to that house, and tell +the servants their master has fainted by the grave, and they must come +directly.' I knew Nelly's skill in running would serve a good purpose on +this occasion. I gave Eugene, as his father called him, my salts, and +kneeling down vigorously rubbed the cold hands in mine. + +"'I cannot account for it,' said he, 'why my father is so much agitated +at the sight of you; but as he is so perhaps it will be as well for you +to stand aside when he recovers his consciousness.' + +"In a very short time, Nelly returned in company with a man and woman. +The man brought a chair with pillows in it, and in this they speedily +placed the unconscious invalid, and carried him away. Eugene merely +said, 'I shall see you again,' as he left." + +My dear mother, you who are acquainted with Pauline's history may judge +in some slight degree of our feelings upon hearing of this adventure. I +glanced at Frank, who turned very pale, but said nothing. Pauline got up +with considerable excitement in her tone, and manner, and stood before +a small mirror which hung in the room, saying, "I cannot conceive for +whom the old gentleman could have taken me. I'm sure I don't see as I +look like anybody but father." She has often been told of her close +resemblance to him. + +After she had left the room, Frank and I talked over the singularity of +the event; but concluded that we were not called upon to make any +inquiries with regard to the old gentleman's agitation, as he is an +Englishman, and Pauline was, without doubt, a native of France. He is +doubtless the one to whom Mr. Percival alluded in our first interview. + + +_Tuesday, December 24th._ + +Last night after Pauline's adventure I was so very nervous and excited +that I could not sleep. I imagined the most improbable events, until I +felt a perfect horror from the possibility that Pauline might be related +to these people. I awoke Frank to ask him if he had brought the packet +we received with her. + +He replied that he had, but thought it was altogether probable we should +carry it back as wise as we came. I told him I had not slept, and he +quite laughed at me for making so much of a mere accident. He said that +my imagination was always running away with me. I tried to think so +myself and was soon asleep. + +To-day Mr. Percival came in to invite us to attend service in the chapel +to-morrow, (Christmas,) and having sent the children out for a walk, the +Doctor asked him the name of the English gentleman who was so ill. + +"Clifford," he replied, hesitating a moment. "Henry Clifford. He is, or +was a colonel in the English army." I saw Frank give a sudden start, and +then checked himself and went on with the conversation. + +Mr. Percival hinted that domestic trials had brought on premature old +age; that after having been for many years separated from his wife, he +had come here to die by her grave. "Is it the one marked 'Imogen?'" I +inquired. + +"Yes, and the house you see from the spot is where she was born. The +estate now belongs to her son." + +"Was he an only child?" I asked, almost gasping in my eagerness for a +reply. + +"There was an infant who died about the same time as its mother." + +"What was the cause of their separation?" asked Frank. + +"I never understood sufficiently to relate," he replied in rather a +reserved tone; and feeling entirely relieved from my great burden, I +cared not to hear more. When Pauline returned, I somewhat astonished the +dear child by the vehemence of my embrace. But recollecting myself, I +pressed Miss Ellen also in my arms, that she might not suspect any +particular emotion. + +"What has happened, mamma?" said Pauline, "you look unusually happy." + +"I am so, my dear," I could not avoid saying. + +"And lovely too, mamma," giving me another kiss. + +After he left, Frank went to his desk, and taking out the card upon +which he had written the name of the gentleman to whom he had been +entrusted with the dying confession of Squire Lee, looked earnestly at +it, hoping the name was the same. But no, that was Shirley. He said +while Mr. Percival was here, the thought that this might be the very man +concerning whom he had made so many inquiries, flashed through his mind. +It had been so long since he had despaired of learning anything about +him that he had forgotten the name. + + +_Wednesday, December 25th._ + +We have had a very quiet Christmas, that is, since Franky has done +shouting over the contents of his stocking. Miss Nelly is really growing +into a young lady. She came to me last evening, and having drawn me to a +part of the room where she was sure her father could not hear, she +whispered that she thought she was too old to hang up a stocking, for +she had known a long time who put the presents in it; and that she +would as soon have them given directly to her. + +I laughed so much at the idea of her thinking herself grown up, that her +father insisted upon sharing the joke; and somewhat to the young lady's +annoyance, I informed him that she had become too old to be treated like +a child. He called her to sit on his knee, and told her he must have her +for a baby a long time yet. She was so much better than Franky, who +would not sit still a moment. + +But Miss only pouted until he whistled, and held up his gold pencil case +for her to play with, then saying, "Baby want to hear papa's watch tick, +tick?" when she "laughed tears," and Pauline came running in to see what +caused all the merriment. + +Nelly sprang up from her father's lap, saying, "sister would make a far +better baby than I should." + +Pauline went and put her arms lovingly around her father's neck, and +said as she laid her cheek against his, "I should be contented to be a +baby in this way forever." + +We took our whole family to church, filling up one entire slip. Franky +was particularly polite to Ruth, whom he had requested leave to invite +to sit with us on this occasion. He took the book of hymns from his +sister, and passed it to his sable friend, a kindness which Ruth fully +appreciated. + +A young gentleman about twenty years of age sat near us. I could not +avoid noticing that his eyes seldom turned from our pew. He was a fine, +frank looking fellow, with light, curly hair, and fair complexion. But +his principal beauty was a pair of brilliant eyes; very bright, but soft +and mild in their expression. I saw that Pauline was confused by the +young man's ardent gaze, and I was surprised as we came out of the aisle +to see that she slightly returned his bow. But I had not much time to +wonder, before Nelly whispered, "mamma, that's Pauline's 'Eugene.'" I +saw by a smile on his countenance that the young man had heard her +introduction; and we were relieved from rather an awkward meeting, by +Mr. Percival, who inquired about his father, and then introduced him to +us. + +Young Clifford represented his father as very feeble, and said it would +be a great kindness if the Doctor would call and see him. This Frank +readily promised to do. As we went the same way the young man walked by +Pauline, and did not leave her until we reached our own door. + +Nelly was delighted with him, and her sister frankly said she thought +him uncommonly pleasing. + +The Catholic part of the community went early in the day, to their +church to attend service, and spent the rest of the time in sports. They +are now returning from the visits and places of amusement. Some of them +are rather noisy; but generally they appear weary and fatigued. + + +_Saturday, December 28th._ + +Not a day has passed since our introduction to young Clifford, (or +Eugene as Nelly insists upon calling him) without our meeting him either +in a walk, or by his coming to our place. The Doctor has also called +twice upon Colonel Clifford, who is now constantly confined to his bed. +Frank says he is not more than forty-seven years of age, but sorrow has +placed a heavy mark upon him. He expressed much pleasure that his son +had found friends in our family. I rather think our partial friend, Mr. +Percival, has spoken of us in his presence. He is very much depressed in +spirits; and says there are periods of his life, he would give a great +deal to be able to live over again. He speaks with the utmost tenderness +of his son, and says, "If he were an experimental Christian, I could ask +no more. He is everything else the fondest father could desire." + +After this expression the Doctor conversed with him upon religious +subjects. "Ah," said the sick man, "what should I have done but for the +support of religion!" He hinted that at times his mental distress had +been so great, that if it had not been for his religious principles, he +fears he should have yielded to the suggestions of the adversary, and +have put an end to his life. "But God," he added, "has mercifully +preserved me; and will preserve me until the end." + +Eugene shares not at all in his father's depression; but is very lively +as well as gentle. He says he has been obliged to act the part of a +daughter as well as that of a son, for his father has been an invalid +ever since his remembrance. + +Pauline asked, "How long has your mother been dead?" + +He replied, "Many years. I have only a slight recollection of her; and +it is a subject upon which my father never speaks." + +I saw that this remark excited Pauline's compassion. He also noticed it, +and made the most of it. I felt really a little jealous of him to-day, +she looked up at him with such a simple trust. I must be on the watch. +We know so little of him, and there is such a mystery about the family. + + +_Wednesday, January 1st., 1851._ + +I wish you a happy new year, dear mother. Eugene came early this morning +with his bright face to wish us the same. He said his father had sent +him out for a walk, and he invited Pauline and Nelly to accompany him. I +gave my consent, though with some reluctance. The truth is, he is one of +those lovely young men, who when they are present carry all before them. +Frank took the opportunity to walk over and see his father. + +Colonel Clifford really smiled when told that his son had called and +taken off the young ladies for a walk; but a tear stood in his eye as he +replied, "Eugene has never had an opportunity to be much in the company +of ladies. I am very much pleased that he has chosen such society." He +again expressed gratitude for our kindness to his poor boy, who would +soon be an orphan. The Doctor, at Colonel Clifford's request, prayed +with him. After prayer, Frank told him he was a Doctor, not of divinity, +but of medicine. He thought the Colonel was disappointed, but after a +moment's silence he replied, "a pious physician has a great opportunity +to do good." The Doctor is more and more pleased with him. + +Pauline and Nelly returned in fine spirits from their walk, and repeated +to me most of the conversation which had passed. Pauline said their +companion had requested them to call him Eugene now that they were so +well acquainted; and also that he was entirely reconciled to the plan of +his father's spending the winter here, which he at first thought would +he dismal enough. + +I don't think Eugene realizes that probably his father will not live +through the winter. + + +_Thursday, January 2nd._ + +Eugene has completely won me over. He came in to-day and appeared as +glad to see us, as if we had not met for a week. He sat down by me in +the most artless manner; and taking a skein of silk from Franky, who was +getting it into a sad snarl, said he had a favor to ask of me; and if I +would grant it he should be very happy. + +He looked at me so earnestly, that I told him with a smile, I thought I +might venture to promise, if it were nothing very unreasonable. + +For a moment he cast his eyes down; and then said with perfect +_naiveté_, "I thought of it last night after the conversation here, +about my not remembering my mother; and this morning I told father, and +he approves it very much if you are willing." + +"You forget," said I, "that you have not yet asked the favor." + +"Well," he resumed, repressing a sigh, "You know I have never since my +remembrance had a mother. I need one sadly, to tell me when I do wrong. +Oh!" he added, with great emotion, laying the silk on his knee, "I have +so longed for a mother, or sister who would watch over me, and take an +interest in me, as I have seen mothers and sisters in their sons and +brothers." + +I was very much affected by this natural outburst of feeling, and said, +"I will, my son." Hardly conscious of what I did, I leaned forward, and +kissed his pure, white brow. + +He grasped my hand, and kneeling, covered it with kisses, while he +thanked me in the warmest terms. + +Pauline and Nelly looked on with great interest. "Remember," said the +former, as she held out her hand to him, while her eyes were filled with +tears, "you have now two sisters and a brother." + +He was then in a great hurry to go and report his success to his father, +who he said would be very much pleased. + + +_Tuesday, January 7th._ + +Eugene came over for a few moments last evening to thank me in behalf of +his father, and to ask if the Doctor would call upon him in the morning, +as there had been some change in his symptoms. + +Frank offered to go at once; but the young man did not wish it. He went +this morning, however, and prescribed a change of medicine. + +Colonel Clifford confessed that he had at first been somewhat +disappointed in finding that he was not a clergyman; but now considered +it a very kind providence which had brought a physician almost to the +very door. He added that now the only anxiety he had had in remaining in +Nice was obviated. The Doctor remained and read to him for an hour. When +he left, the Colonel renewed his thanks for our kindness to his dear +boy. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIV. + + "A Mother's love--how sweet the name! + What _is_ a mother's love? + A noble, pure, and tender flame, + Enkindled from above, + To bless a heart of earthly mould + The warmest love that _can_ grow cold; + This is a mother's love." MONTGOMERY. + + + "A malady + Preys on my heart, that medicine cannot reach, + Invincible and cureless." MATURIN. + + +_Wednesday, January 29th._ + +It has fallen into a custom that the Doctor should pass a part of every +morning with the invalid, while Eugene walks with his sisters, as he +fondly calls them. Nelly and Frank have been in with their father to be +introduced to the Colonel; and received from him some valuable +curiosities as presents. The next day he sent Pauline a very valuable +token of regard, with a message that he fully appreciated the value of +such sisters to a young man destitute of any female relative. It is a +little singular that while he converses freely on every other subject, +and has drawn from the Doctor much of his own history, yet he has never +alluded in the most distant manner to the nature of his own peculiar +trials. He is much better in health since the change in his medicine, +but Frank told him freely that it was not probable the benefit would be +permanent. + +The Colonel said he should be sorry to think it otherwise; though he +supposed he ought to desire to live for the sake of his boy. + +I could hardly have thought it possible that we should in so short a +time have become so much interested in persons, of whose existence even +we were till now ignorant. Eugene is a very dutiful son, and has +evidently been trained with the greatest care by his pious father. He +repeats over and over again the names of mother and sisters, as if he +revelled in the very idea of having such relatives. He told me that one +day he called me by the name of mamma in his father's presence, when a +look of agony passed like a shade over his face; but in one moment, with +a faint smile, he said, "I thank God, my son, that you have found a +mother, even in name." + + +_Wednesday, February 12th._ + +When the Doctor visited Colonel Clifford this morning, he found him +busily engaged in writing, which he immediately put aside, saying, "I +have nearly finished the preparation of some papers which I wish at my +death to put into the hands of my son." + +The Doctor was about to leave; but the Colonel insisted on his +remaining, as he wished to introduce a particular subject of +conversation. He began by saying, "I have not inquired so particularly +about the American colleges without an object. If in what I say, you +consider me as taking advantage of your kindness, both to me and my boy, +I must beg the same indulgence to excuse it." He then, assured by +Frank's sincerely expressed wish to be of service to him, went on to +say, "when I die, Eugene will have no friend or near relative, from whom +he has a right to claim sympathy and kindness. I have often prayed that +some friend might be raised up, with whom I could feel safe to confide, +both his spiritual and temporal interests. I have thought," he added, +while a tear trickled down his emaciated cheek, "that perhaps God had +answered my prayers, and sent you here to be that friend." + +Frank took the wasted hand in his as he replied, "I shall feel honored +in being considered as such." + +"But do you fully understand my meaning?" he was eagerly asked. "Eugene +has more than enough property, and it is well funded; but he needs a +_home_, and kind friends to watch over him; just what every young man +needs." + +"Perhaps you are not aware," replied the Doctor, "that we intend +returning to the United States in a few months." + +"I am fully so; but Eugene has no particular attachments to England; +that is, when I am gone, and he would gladly accompany you. Do not give +me an answer to-day. Consult your family, and let me know hereafter; and +may the Lord incline your heart to do according to my desire!" He held +the Doctor's hand convulsively in his, as he said this, and appearing to +be much fatigued by the exciting nature of the interview, Frank took +leave. + +It was an interesting subject for us, during our long walks; and after +being interrupted for a time, was extended far into the night. My +husband fully realized that the care would fall upon me; his +professional duties so fully occupy his time at home. Then the influence +upon our children, we felt it to be our duty to consider. I frankly +confessed to the Doctor that I had never seen a young man whom I could +more readily take to my heart as a son; and that I knew Pauline and +Nelly, as well as Frank, would be delighted with this addition to our +family. + +"What is the drawback, then? I see there is something you do not bring +to the light." + +I could at first give no reply. There was a drawback; but it seemed to +me so selfish that I could not endure to mention it. It was the fear +that Eugene would love my Pauline with a love surpassing that of a +brother, and that she would return his love. At length I replied, "no, +nothing that need to be a drawback; only I thought that perhaps it might +be dangerous to place young people at the age he and Pauline are, in +such intimate connection." + +"Ah," said he, laughing, "I might have guessed Pauline was at the +bottom of all your trouble. For a girl, good and obedient as she is, she +has occasioned you great anxiety. Even if such an event should happen, +which I will acknowledge is very probable, you will have the training of +him, and you can educate him to suit yourself, instead of training her +for a wife for cousin Joseph as he proposed. Eugene appears to be a very +pure minded young man. Like our children, he has been educated at home; +and that is one reason of his father's regret and anxiety. He knows +nothing of the world, and is as ignorant as a child of the wickedness he +will have to meet, and therefore liable to be led away. I have tried to +think what I should wish were I in his place, and have concluded with +your consent, and full approbation to accept the charge." + + +_Friday, February 14th._ + +I had never seen Colonel Clifford until yesterday morning, when I went +with the Doctor to tell him of our willingness to take Eugene into our +family, if the young man's wishes in that respect corresponded with his +father's. + +He answered our light knock for admittance, after a moment; and I could +see that he had been weeping. But he held out his hand as he feebly +seated himself; and with a smile, said, "it argues well for me, Doctor, +that you have brought your lady." + +We took seats near him, and I could see that he waited with trembling +impatience for us to speak upon the subject nearest his heart. The +Doctor said, "we have come in to express our willingness to accede to +your wishes in regard to your son." + +The Colonel exhibited great emotion, and with a beautiful smile of trust +in his heavenly Father which illumined every feature, he said with +closed eyes, "My God, I thank thee!" After a short pause he turned to +me, "my dear madam, let me hear you say you will be a mother to my +motherless boy." + +The last words were uttered with difficulty, as if he had not been used +to uttering the word "Mother." I replied, "with God's help, I will." + +He covered his face with his hand, and wept long; but his tears seemed +to be soothing instead of exciting him. We waited for his agitation to +subside, while the Doctor rose and walked to the window, and my tears +flowed in sympathy with his. + +"You are Christian parents," were his first words, "and with such I need +no excuse for my tears." Then becoming more composed, he said, "the +burden which has weighed heavily upon me for many years is gone. God has +graciously answered me,"--he broke down again; but instantly resumed, +"Doctor, will you express my thanks?" + +He rose feebly, and kneeled by his chair; and though I could hear the +sobs bursting from his overflowing heart, he arose composed, and +refreshed. + +The Doctor endeavored to change the conversation for a few moments; but +he smiled as he said, "I perceive your kind intention, but I can at +present think of nothing else. It will not injure me." + +In the course of the interview he said that for many years he had been +longing to go home; but for the sake of his son, he had taken every +measure to prolong his life. "Eugene's," he added, "is a singular case. +I am not aware that he has a single relative on his mother's side; and +none nearer than two or three removes on mine. He has a lovely +disposition, though perhaps I may be deemed partial in saying so." + +"His adopted mother says the same," I added. + +With an ardent expression of gratitude, he continued, "but his yielding +temper only leaves him more at the mercy of a cold cruel world. Oh! how +many hours of sorrow I have spent in imagining his future, and fearing +he might be left to suffer like his father. Eugene remembers little or +nothing of his early life. I have never been able to converse with him +upon subjects connected with his"--The voice was so low I could not +distinguish the rest of the sentence. "I have prepared," he added, +"some papers which throw light upon some subjects, which it is natural +and right he should know at a proper age. I should be glad to leave them +in your hands when I go, with the request that he should have them when +he attains his majority. I should also be glad, if Eugene were so +inclined, to have him keep this small estate, that the cemetery may not +be molested. The steward, who has lived in it for many years, would be +glad to continue in it, and give him a suitable rent for the house and +furniture. One thing more, and I shall have done for this morning. I +fear that I have already taxed you too long. I wish a small monument in +every respect like the one in yonder grave yard, placed above my +remains, with the single word 'Harry' inscribed upon it. I have already +given directions to have my body placed by her side. Now," said he, +"receive once more the gratitude of a father, who perceives in your +pledge of kindness to his son, a new proof of forgiveness and assurance +of pardon and love from his heavenly Father." + + +_Friday, February 21st._ + +For several days I have spent much of my time with Colonel Clifford, who +after our interview respecting his son, appeared to fail rapidly. On +Monday morning the Doctor and I called, and Eugene took the opportunity +to go out for his exercise. "Dr. Lenox," said the invalid, "there is one +subject, I inadvertently omitted at our late interview, and which I may +as well mention at this time. My name is not Henry Clifford, as you +suppose, but Henry Clifford Shirley." + +Frank sprang to his feet, and was on the point of catching his friend by +the hand, but remembering the feebleness of the Colonel, and the danger +to him of any sudden excitement, he resumed his seat. + +"It is entirely immaterial to me which name Eugene retains," said he, +not appearing to have noticed anything unusual in the Doctor's manner, +"but as all his property stands registered in the name of Shirley, it +was highly desirable that you should be aware of the fact." + +Frank walked back and forth across the room evidently very much +perplexed how to introduce the communication he wished to make. At +length he sat down by the side of the sufferer, and gently said, +"Colonel Clifford, many years ago I received a confession from a dying +man in relation to a gentleman by the name of Henry Shirley, who was a +Colonel in his Majesty's service. I have endeavored in vain to find such +a gentleman, in order to confide the confession to him, according to the +desire of the penitent man." + +Colonel Clifford appeared much agitated, but at length said, "To what +did it relate?" + +"To certain anonymous letters written to him while abroad, in India, I +think he said, with a regiment of the government troops. Shall I go on?" + +With his handkerchief to his eyes the sick man bowed assent. + +"As nearly as I can recollect," added Frank, "the gentleman, who was a +townsman of mine, met your wife while on a foreign tour, and made +proposals to her which she indignantly refused. In order to revenge +himself, he wrote to you intimating her guilt in connection with another +gentleman." + +The distressed man with a dreadful groan fell forward, and would have +fallen to the floor had not the Doctor caught him in his arms. He +motioned to me to ring the bell, and with the help of a servant who +appeared, laid the unconscious man upon the bed. It was some time before +he recovered, and when he did, he looked so death-like, that we feared +the excitement would terminate his life. I remained until he fell +asleep, and then quietly left him with the Doctor. + +When Frank returned, he said that the Colonel did not allude to the +exciting subject of the interview until just before he left, and then +said to him, "I am not equal to continuing the conversation. I have +written all that is necessary to my son"--he could go no farther. Since +that time the subject has never been alluded to. A holy peace has taken +the place of the melancholy expression of his countenance; and he hails +with delight every fresh symptom of dissolution. He said yesterday, "God +has granted me delightful views of heaven, and the honor and glory of +the Saviour, who is the chief among ten thousand, and the one altogether +lovely. Oh," he exclaimed in a rapture, "Eternity will be too short to +praise him who has redeemed my guilty soul." + +This morning he is much revived, and asked the Doctor to pray that he +might be ready and waiting, but not be impatient for the coming of the +bridegroom. Eugene is tender, and affectionate as a daughter, in his +attentions. It often makes the tears start to my eyes, as I witness the +look of unuttered love which beams from the eye of the sufferer upon his +devoted son. Every day he insists that Eugene shall take exercise in the +open air; but this I fear he would be reluctant to do if it were not for +the company of his sisters. When released from the sick room he bounds +like a young doe to our door and calls them for a walk. + +Pauline has often accompanied him to the grave of his mother. To-day he +requested me to do so; when the others were about to follow, with his +usual frankness he said, "no, dear Pauline, I want to walk with mamma +alone." As we passed his house, he ran in and brought out the stool. +When we reached the grave, he said as he placed the seat near by, "Dear +mamma, I have chosen this place to make a disclosure to you, that if I +have done wrong, the thought that my own mother has long been lying +here, and that the simple word 'Imogen,' is all I have of her memory, +may incline your heart to forgive." + +I was very much affected. "Dear Eugene," I said, "I needed not the +influence of this sacred spot in order to do that. I have said that you +were to me as a son." + +"Oh! let me be indeed a son," he exclaimed, throwing himself on the +ground before me. "I love my sister Pauline. I love her with an +intensity of which I have but lately become aware. Tell me that I have +not done wrong; that you and the Doctor approve my love; and I shall be +forever grateful." + +"Does Pauline know of this?" I asked. + +"Oh no!" he answered, "of course, I could say nothing without your +consent,--we are both young. I will wait years,--you shall set the time +for our marriage,--if you will only give me leave to love her, and she +will consent." + +He uttered all this so rapidly, and so earnestly, I had not time to +think. + +"You do not answer," said he, repressing a sigh; "you do not say you +forgive me for having unconsciously loved her. Remember," said he, +rising and standing sorrowfully before me, "remember that I have had no +mother to teach me to control my feelings," and he pointed sadly to the +grave. + +"I do remember," I said, taking his hand. "You are a noble, honorable +youth, to tell me your feelings so frankly. I do not love you less, that +you love my Pauline; but this is a serious subject; there are many +things to be considered, and I must consult the Doctor." + +He pressed his lips upon my hand. "Thank you," said he, "that you do not +deny me at once. Be assured I will not betray my feelings to her until +you give me leave." + +As we passed his house on our return, I asked if he had conversed with +his father upon the subject. + +He blushed as he replied that he had. + +"And what was his wish?" + +"He smiled when I told him, and said he thought us rather young; but +said he had the most implicit confidence in you and the Doctor. But I +determined at once, that the only honorable course for me to pursue, was +to tell you all." + +"Well, my son," I answered, "I shall have great hopes that you will be a +useful man, if you carry out all your determinations as well as in this +case." + +When we drew near the house, I saw Pauline watching us from the window. +Eugene asked in a low voice, "when may I hope for an answer from you?" + +"I will walk with you again to-morrow," I answered. + +He turned away with merely a bow to Pauline, and returned to his father. +I have come to my room to wait for Frank's return. I think +notwithstanding what he said, he will be astonished that his daughter +has been sought in marriage at so early a day. But Eugene is a noble, +ingenuous youth; what can I ask more, except that he may be a humble +Christian? + + +_Saturday, February 22nd._ + +Frank returned yesterday, with a letter long expected, and waited for, +from cousin Joseph Morgan, who says, owing to the protracted absence of +one of the firm, he has not been able to leave Paris; but hopes now to +be with us in a few days, when he intends by a long visit to make up for +this tedious delay. + +When we had read and discussed the letter, I asked Frank to prepare +himself for some important business. Seeing I was in earnest he sat down +at once, and I related what had passed. + +"Really," said he, "Eugene has well improved his time. I wonder how +Pauline feels. I never saw any particular evidence of affection on her +part. Now I always expected that when she felt young Cupid's dart, she +would do pretty much as you did under similar circumstances, blush up to +her eyes every time his name was mentioned, and always be out of the way +just when she was wanted. Come, come, I didn't mean to set you at it +again; but, + + + "Tell me the charms that lovers seek + In the clear eye and blushing cheek, + The hues that play + O'er rosy lips, and brow of snow. + Ah! where are they?" + + +"I have seen nothing of all this in Pauline, but there's no such thing +as calculating all the intricacies of a woman's heart. I've given up +ever since Emily's labyrinthian course in refusing a man whom she dearly +loved." + +"Perhaps she had no idea of such a termination to his introduction to +the family; and probably is not aware of the state of her own feelings." + +I determined, however, to sound her upon the subject before I met Eugene +again. During the evening, I made an excuse for calling her to my room, +that I would read her Joseph's letter, after which I desired some +conversation with her. "Here comes Frank's proof," I said to myself as a +rosy hue mantled to her very brow; but she immediately said, she would +run to her room for her crotcheting, and then return. + +"I don't know," said I, when she had taken her seat, "as you remember +much of your cousin; you have not seen him for a number of years." + +"Oh, yes, mamma! don't you recollect the visit he made us before he came +to France?" + +"I had indeed forgotten it, my love; but he is soon to be here," and I +read her the letter. She said nothing, and I proceeded to talk of +Eugene. She raised her eyes at once, as if much interested. "You have +now had sufficient opportunity to become acquainted with him; are you +still pleased that he is to be one of us?" + +"Certainly, mamma. I love him very much, and should be disappointed if +anything should occur to prevent it. Do you know of anything?" she asked +eagerly. + +"No," I answered, fully assured of Eugene's success if it rested with +her. + +This morning, the dear fellow came in at an unusually early hour, and +requested me to accompany him. He tried not to look at Pauline, for fear +he should be violating his promise to me. I pointed to the time-piece, +showing him it was an hour earlier than common, and he made rather a +blundering excuse. I hastened, however, to my room, and the Doctor +followed me to the stairs, saying in a whisper, "do go quick, and put +the poor soul out of misery. Don't you see how he is suffering? I know +how to feel for him." + +As I came down equipped for the walk, Pauline said in an arch tone, "how +long are you intending to be so exclusive in your walks?" + +Eugene started toward her, and began to say something, but stopped very +much confused, and I hurried him away. I need not tell you what I said, +indeed I don't remember. It is sufficient that he was more than +satisfied with the permission to ask her to return his love, and then +wait until we should be willing for them to marry. He cut short our +walk, and turned back to the house. As we reached the door, I looked up +to see a group of heads making themselves very merry at our expense. But +I took it very calmly, and walked in, requesting Pauline to take my +place. She called Nelly; but I told her Nelly must practise her music. + +It was rather more than an hour before they returned. The Doctor was +watching for them with no little impatience, and curiosity. Pauline came +in leaning upon her lover's arm, who looked perfectly delighted, and +walked directly across the room, kissing me, and then her father. + +Frank was astonished, and said almost audibly, "pretty cool, that! I +never could have believed it." + +Eugene was too much excited to keep still, and calling her to the door, +begged her to go with him to his father. But she preferred to postpone +it until another day. Soon after he left, I went to my room, and Pauline +soon followed. "Well, my love," I said, "I suppose I hardly need ask you +what answer you gave Eugene, he looked so happy." + +"Yes, mamma, I told him I loved him very much, but that I thought I was +too young to engage myself; and I had never thought of him in that +light." + +"And was he satisfied?" + +"Yes, mamma, he thanked me many times, and said he should try to make me +very happy." Pauline sat down, and her eyes grew dreamy, so I left her +to her meditations and went below. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXV. + + "Ah me! from real happiness we stray, + By vice bewildered; vice which always leads, + However fair at first, to wilds of wo." THOMSON. + + +_Tuesday, March 4th._ + +Joseph came two days ago, accompanied by a young lady, Mademoiselle +Vinet, or Adele, as Joseph calls her. He went directly with her to her +uncle's, who lives about forty leagues from here, and then returned to +this place. We were much rejoiced to see our dear cousin. He has proved +all that his parents could wish. I was very glad to hear him say that he +hopes to be able to return to the United States nearly as soon as we do. +He longs for home. + +Joseph accompanied the Doctor and myself in a walk, and communicated to +us some very sad intelligence. About three months ago, a servant from +one of the hotels in Paris called at his office requesting him to go and +see a young woman who was sick. Wondering not a little who she could be, +he went, and was shown up one flight of stairs after another until he +reached a most dreary and desolate apartment, destitute of every +comfort; and there, upon a miserable pallet, he beheld, to his surprise, +his once beautiful cousin Fidelia Schuyler. She was anxiously expecting +him, and exceedingly overcome by his presence and kindness. He wished to +remove her to a more comfortable and respectable apartment, to provide +her a good nurse, and to do everything in his power for her relief. + +But she said, "I have only a few hours to live. Even now I am dying. +All I ask is, that you will remain near me while I live." + +Joseph was affected even to tears as he related the heart-rending agony +of Fidelia, while she reviewed the last few years of her life. "Ever +since I left your house, years ago, though I have lived a gay life, in +the midst of fashion and luxury," she said, "I have never known +happiness, for I have lived a life of sin. I am known here as Mrs. +Arnold, having been his companion ever since my husband, incited almost +to madness by my wicked conduct, abandoned me. For three weeks, William +has not been near me. Leaving me only a few dollars, he deserted me; and +since his departure I have been removed to this garret, and have pawned +almost every article of my clothing and of jewelry to procure for myself +even the necessaries of life. Do you remember," she asked, "the wicked +attempt I made to stir up jealousy and strife between Frank and his +young wife? Oh! how I hated her, when I saw that with his whole soul he +observed her every movement and word! He worshipped the very ground on +which she trod. But I have suffered the keenest remorse for my conduct. +I have been constantly tortured with jealousy since I lived with +William, and with fear lest he should leave me to die alone in a strange +land." + +Several times Joseph tried to soothe and comfort her as she lay panting +for breath, and sinking farther back upon her pillows. But she could +talk of nothing else. "Oh!" said she, "if I had borne with my husband as +I have had to bear with William, how happy we might have been! I have +been obliged to curb my temper, and to be a slave to one who has indeed +proved to be a hard master." + +Joseph endeavored to point her to the Saviour. At first, she was +unwilling to hear a word on the subject, and begged him not to waste his +breath; but at length, as he earnestly pointed her to the Lamb of God, +able, willing and ready to save to the uttermost all who come unto God +by him, she burst into tears, and even besought him to pray with her. He +did so; and after remaining with her about three hours, he went out and +obtained a good woman to take care of her so long as she lived. He +supposed from her appearance that she was not so near her end as she +imagined. He made his arrangements to return and to watch with her in +company with her nurse during the night. After an hour he returned to +her room, and was surprised at the alteration which had taken place. She +was evidently dying. + +Now her whole life stood out before her, and she trembled at the idea of +appearing in the presence of a holy God. Joseph prayed with her +repeatedly. He wept as he implored her to cast her burden of sin and +fear upon the Saviour. She listened as for her life, but could only cry +out "too late!--_too late!!_" This dreadful lament she continued until +near midnight, when Joseph read to her a few passages from the Bible, on +the abounding of divine mercy toward the chief of sinners, and renewed +his exhortation to her to repent and believe, saying, "turn ye, turn ye, +for why will ye die?" + +"Oh! If I could live--only one hour--more!"--and as the words were on +her quivering lips, her countenance changed, her eyes were fixed, her +spirit departed! + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVI. + + "I feel death rising higher still, and higher + Within my bosom; every breath I fetch + Shuts up my life within a shorter compass: + And like the vanishing sound of bells, grows less + And less each pulse, till it be lost in air." DRYDEN. + + + "Death's but a path that must be trod, + If man would ever pass to God." PARNELL. + + +_Wednesday, March 5th._ + +I am really pained by Pauline's conduct toward her cousin. She shuns him +as much as possible. He feels it too. He always manifested so much +interest in her; but she avails herself of every excuse to walk with +Eugene, and avoids seeing Joseph. I can perceive that he is grieved, but +though he often gazes at her with a sad, inquiring expression, he does +not speak. I have never known her to be rude; but I felt it my duty to +speak with her to-day upon the subject. I am afraid I spoke too sternly, +for she immediately burst into tears. She made no excuse, only saying, +"I can't help it, mamma." + +"Your cousin," I said, "has not deserved such treatment. He has always, +since you were a baby, taken a great interest in you;" and I related his +kindness in taking her to ride on horseback, and many other events, +which I was surprised to find she remembered. + +But still she said nothing; and only cried the more. I don't know what +to make of her. + +"Sometimes deep feeling hides itself in silence." + +But I think she has had too much excitement of late, notwithstanding +she appeared so calm. When the bell rang for tea, she begged me to +excuse her from going down, and to tell Eugene, when he called, that she +was not able to go with him to his father as he had proposed. + +"Are you ill, my dear," I asked. + +"I have a very bad head-ache, which will be well by morning." + +Joseph went out this morning early for a walk, and returned just as I +was called to breakfast. Pauline was in the room, and he went directly +to her, expressing his pleasure at seeing her down again. He took her +hand in his, and said, "I am deeply pained by seeing that you have +forgotten all your former friendship for me." He then assured her, she +should always have a warm friend in him. + +Notwithstanding I had thought her wrong, I really pitied the poor girl's +confusion. She did not once raise her eyes; but blushed painfully as she +withdrew her hand when he had ceased speaking. I pitied Joseph, too. He +came to me soon after breakfast, and asked me to walk with him, when he +immediately entered upon the subject, saying he had never been so +disappointed in a young person, so artless and frank as she used to be. +He then asked if Eugene were a suitable companion for her, fearing it +was his influence that had so changed her for the worse. + +I assured him it was not. Then feeling that from his long friendship for +us, he had a right to be treated with confidence, I told him in what +relation they stood to each other. Though I could see plainly that he +was displeased, I commenced at their singular introduction, and told him +all that had passed between Colonel Clifford and the Doctor. He listened +with the profoundest interest, but did not interrupt me until I had +done. + +"How did you account for the agitation of Colonel Clifford?" he asked. + +"Oh! a thousand ways," I replied. "He has been an invalid for many +years; and her sudden appearance would account for it in a great +measure." + +"Perhaps so," he answered in a doubting tone; "but he evidently supposed +her to be a near friend." + +"Yes," said I, "there is no accounting for the freaks of nature in these +close resemblances. I should be struck any where by her resemblance to +Frank; yet you know there is no connection." + +"She must have a singular countenance," he replied, "I noticed yesterday +a strong likeness to young Clifford. Does she know of the circumstances +connected with her early history?" + +"Not a word of it." + +"Nor Clifford?" + +"No." + +"Then, my dear cousin, I tell you frankly, I think in this instance you +and the Doctor have erred--certainly you have not acted with your usual +frankness." + +I made many excuses which had been satisfactory to my own mind. He said +no more, but only shook his head. + +When we received Joseph's letter, I thought him the same light-hearted, +merry fellow as of old; but I find he has grown very grave. I was a +little troubled at what he said, and on conversing with Frank, I find +that he is of the same opinion, that we ought at least to communicate +the circumstances to Colonel Clifford, if we do not choose to tell +Pauline. But Frank says since talking with Mr. Percival, and finding +that he had no other child, he felt relieved of all doubt in relation to +their connection. But though the thought of it makes me almost sick, I +intend to-morrow to do what I know will give exquisite pain to Pauline, +by telling her she is my child only by adoption. + + +_Saturday, March 8th._ + +If my poor head will allow, I will try to give you an account of the +events of the last three days. But I have suffered so much I really +shrink from recurring to the subject. + +In pursuance of my resolution to make the painful disclosure to +Pauline, I made necessary arrangements to be free from interruption, as +I feared the dear child's feelings would overcome her; and as I was far +from intending that Nelly or Frank should know it at present, I did not +wish unnecessarily to excite their curiosity. If the dear child were to +know it at all, I preferred she should hear it first from me; and having +procured the locket and package, I called her to my room, and went +through the story as if I were relating the history of another person, +and as briefly as justice to my subject would allow; but my great +agitation, which I could not avoid becoming apparent, must have made her +suspect that I referred to herself. She looked me full in the face, her +eyes more and more dilated until she turned deadly pale. I became +frightened that she did not give way to her feelings, and stopped, when +she said in the most heart-broken tone I ever heard, "Then I am not your +Pauline, mamma?" and leaned her head heavily on her hand. + +I pressed her to my heart, and told her that she never was dearer to me +than at present; that she was my first, and I had almost said, my +dearest child. + +But this has been a dreadful shock to the poor girl, who seems now to +feel that she has no claim upon us. I talked with her a long time, +telling her that I had never intended she should know of this; but that +her father thought it dishonorable not to tell her or Eugene; and that I +felt she ought to hear it from me. + +"I think it would have killed me," she replied, "to have heard it even +from father." After a moment she added mournfully, "may I still call you +mamma?" when her pent up feelings burst forth with such violence as I +have never witnessed. She wept and sobbed until her whole frame shook +with emotion. + +"My love, my own Pauline, you will break my heart if you do so. Our love +is the same; it can undergo no change. My affection for you has been so +selfish, that it has been my only fear with regard to you, that some one +would claim you as their child; or as has happened, that some one would +win your love from your mother." + +"Oh, mamma," said she joyfully, "I will give him up. I understood it was +your wish. Indeed I told Eugene I did not wish him to consider it an +engagement. We are too young." + +"Dearest Pauline, I only told you to show you how strong was my +affection for you." + +After two hours, during which time I had but partially succeeded in +calming her excited feelings, I showed her the locket, which affected +her exceedingly, as also the letter from her mother to the servant. She +held the tiny robe in her hand, while her tears fell hot and fast upon +it. I told her that on no account would I allow Nelly and Franky to be +made aware of what had passed. + +"I shall tell Eugene?" she said inquiringly. + +"If you think it best, love." + +"Of course, I only meant whether you or I should tell him. He asked what +I considered strange questions the second time I saw him. But I thought +it would only pain you to hear them, so I did not repeat what he said. +He asked if I had ever been abroad before. I told him "no." He then +asked if I were nearly connected with this family, when I laughed and +told him, 'my resemblance to father was proof of that fact.' He +apologized, and said he had only asked me to satisfy his father." She +took the locket, putting the chain around her neck, and bidding me good +night, left me. + +But it was a sleepless night to both of us. The questions of Eugene, to +satisfy his father,--the doubts of Joseph were constantly recurring to +me. Frank comforted me by saying I had done right in telling her what I +had. After midnight I crept softly to her room, shading the lamp with my +hand, and found her eyes wide open. She had thrown her arm over her +sleeping sister, and had vainly tried to sleep. + +"I have been trying to think who I am, mamma," said she in a sad voice. + +"You are my own darling, Pauline," I said, kissing her again and again. + +"She looks happy and kind," alluding to the picture, "but how could she +give me up so?" + +I begged her to try to sleep, and returned to my bed to make the same +effort. The next morning she did not go down to breakfast, merely took a +cup of coffee in her room; but begged me to let her know when Eugene +came in. I did so, when she instantly came down to him equipped for a +walk. + +I attempted to remonstrate, fearing she was not well enough; but she +said, "please, mamma," in so sad a voice, I could say no more. + +It was nearly noon. Joseph had two or three times volunteered to go in +search of Pauline, for whom I felt great anxiety, when a man came +running, breathless with speed, begging me to go to Colonel Clifford. He +was dying. + +I was on my way in a moment, Joseph attending me to the door. How can I +describe to you what I saw? In order to make it intelligible, I must +relate what the Doctor and Pauline afterwards told me. As soon as they +started on their walk, she communicated to Eugene the circumstances I +had related to her; and insisted that he should, without delay, make +them known to his father, saying, "perhaps he will withdraw his consent +when he hears that I am a foundling." + +Eugene spurned the idea, as unworthy either of him or his father, and +protested that he only loved her the better. He earnestly implored her +to go with him, to which she reluctantly consented. He found the Doctor +by the bed side, and leaving his beloved in the next room, he went in. +Having requested the Doctor to remain, he went on to tell his father +briefly that Pauline was only an adopted child of Dr. Lenox, and that +she would not consent to their betrothal until he were made aware of the +circumstances, and had given his consent. + +"Tell her, my son, that can make no difference in our feelings. Bring +her to me, I will tell her so." Eugene led her in; but no sooner did he +see her, than he started forward as if to take her in his arms, and then +with a loud scream fell back upon the pillows. + +The Doctor and Eugene sprang forward in affright to raise him, and threw +water in his face, when he gasped for breath, and pointing his thin +finger to where Pauline stood, tried to speak, but for a moment was +unable. "Eugene," at length he gasped out, "she is your sister, Inez," +and fainted. + +Pauline, intensely surprised, and agitated, darted forward, and kissed +the face, brow and lips of the unconscious man, crying, "Oh! father, +bless me before you die." + +When he opened his eyes, her sweet voice was pleading for a blessing. A +heavenly smile lit up his face, as he said, "Imogen, my own Imogen, I do +bless thee, sweet wife!" He thought her his lost Imogen. But he soon +knew her, and called her his beloved daughter Inez, whom he now saw for +the first time. She turned from him to Eugene, who sat bitterly weeping +with his head buried in his dying father's pillow; and putting her arms +tenderly about his neck, said, "Be comforted, dear Eugene, you have +gained a sister." + +The Doctor administered a cordial to the Colonel, who he saw was fast +failing; and had sent for me. + +When I entered the room, the dying man was passionately kissing the +little miniature contained in the locket; and from that, as well as his +instant recognition of the writing of his wife in the letter, there is +no longer any doubt that she is his child. + +He requested the Doctor to open a pocket book, and take out a blank +envelope. Opening this, he showed some of the writing of Imogen, which +exactly compared with the other. Again, and again blessing his long lost +child, and bidding his children love each other as brother and sister, +he requested to be left alone with the Doctor; when he told him where to +find the packet directed to his son, to be left in his care. He +expressed renewedly his thanks that these disclosures had been brought +to light in season to prevent so unnatural a marriage. He gave some +directions, rendered necessary by the wonderful discovery. He then said, +calmly, "I have now done with earth," and requested the Doctor to call +his children to see him die. + +Eugene threw himself upon the bed in an agony of grief. "My soul +cleaveth unto thee, my son," said the dying man. And again mistaking +Pauline for his beloved wife, he made an effort to reach her, +exclaiming, "I come, my Imogen--I--_come_!" + +Scarcely had the last words ceased to echo through the room, when the +spirit of Colonel Clifford joined his companion in the world above. + + +_Thursday, March 13th._ + +The remains of our deceased friend have been laid by the side of her +whom he so tenderly loved, to rest until the morning of the +resurrection. The arrangements for keeping the sacred place from +intrusion are completed, and we are only waiting the arrival of the +monument, which the Doctor has ordered from Rome, before we take leave +of our respected friend, Mr. Percival, and depart for Paris. + + + "Thither where she lies buried, + That single spot is the whole world to me." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVII. + + "I had so fixed my heart upon her, + That wheresoe'er I fram'd a scheme of life + For time to come, she was my only joy, + With which I used to sweeten future cares; + I fancy'd pleasures, none but one who loves + And doats as I did, can imagine like them." OTWAY. + + +_Friday, March 14th._ + +To-day Joseph received a letter from Monsieur Vinet in reply to one he +wrote, stating the time of our leaving for Paris. He writes that he will +accompany Adele to Nice a day or two before that time, as she has a +strong desire to become acquainted with persons of whom she has heard so +much from her friend, Monsieur Morgan. For a few days past, I have +noticed that Pauline remained more in the room when Joseph was +conversing with the Doctor, and when thinking herself unnoticed, her +attention became absorbed, and her eyes flashed, while the color came +and went, giving her beautiful countenance a most bewitching variety of +expression. + +But if cousin happened to turn his eye in that direction, though the +rich bloom on her cheek might assume a deeper tinge, yet the long silky +fringes instantly drooped over her tell-tale eyes. I am sometimes almost +vexed with Joseph. If he took half the pains to win her confidence that +he did formerly, this reserve and coolness might be exchanged for the +most delightful friendship. I wonder if he ever thinks of his request +when she was a baby, that I would train her for him. If he does, it is +only to laugh at the follies of his youth. But I suppose what Frank +suspects may be true; that he is attached to Adele. She will be here +shortly, and we shall see. + + +_Tuesday, March 18th._ + +This morning Franky, who is full of mischief, put his hand slyly into +Joseph's pocket and pulled out a letter. Cousin was busily reading, and +did not notice the theft until the young rogue put on his father's +glasses, and crossing the room to place himself in an elevated position, +began to read aloud. Pauline, though trying to restrain her mirth, yet +shook her head; but as I recognized the letter as the one from Monsieur +Vinet, and Joseph had read it aloud, I thought I would not spoil Master +Franky's sport. The young gentleman is by no means an expert at +deciphering a fine hand, and though the letter was written in English, +failed to make sense. He therefore turned to the postscript, and +elevating his voice to arrest attention, began, "Beloved friend,--The +time seems very long since we parted, and I know you will be pleased to +hear from your friend Adele"-- + +At the sound of that name, Joseph started, and with a quick glance +around the room, snatched the letter from Franky, saying, "didn't you +know it was very improper to read letters not directed to yourself?" + +"I wouldn't have read it, Joseph, if I had known 'twas a love letter." + +"Pshaw," said cousin, looking very much annoyed as he saw us laughing at +his expense. + +Nelly, who is a great favorite, went and put her arms around her +cousin's neck, saying, "They shan't laugh, Joseph, you shall have just +as many letters as you please, and nobody but you and I shall read them. +Dear Jo," she asked in a whisper, "Is she a darling? Shall I love her, +when she is my cousin?" + +Joseph started to his feet. "Who has put such nonsense into your head? +Coz," he continued, turning to me, "where did Frank get hold of that +letter?" + +"He must answer for himself," I replied. As I looked up from my sewing, +I saw that Pauline had left the room. After due confession from the +delinquent, and a suitable shaking from Joseph, by way of reproof, which +made the house ring with his merry laughter, cousin continued his +reading for half an hour, when he started up, saying he would go and +meet the Doctor, who was at Mr. Percival's. + +At that instant Franky returned to the parlor, with a very dolorous +expression upon his countenance. "Mamma," he exclaimed, "Pauline is +crying as if her heart would break, and she won't tell me what's the +matter with her, though I've asked her ever so many times." + +This was so unusual an occurrence that I started to my feet to go to +her, when Eugene threw down his pencil, (he was drawing a sketch of the +house where his mother was born,) and said, "let me go, mamma. Please +let me try my skill in soothing her grief." + +I reluctantly resumed my seat. Joseph also replaced his hat in the hall, +and stood looking from the window. "We must hasten our departure," said +I. "Pauline is growing very nervous, which cannot be wondered at. +Joseph," said I, addressing him, "I almost regret having followed your +advice, to tell her she was not my own child. She grows thinner and +paler every day." + +For a moment, Joseph remained silent, and I was almost vexed that he was +not more interested for Pauline, when he replied, in an unnatural voice, +"Cora, I hardly think you are aware what you say. Would you have had her +marry her brother?" + +His tone conveyed such bitter reproof that my eyes filled with tears. +For the first time, he turned from the window, and looked at me. I saw, +with surprise, that he was very pale. He approached, holding out his +hand, "forgive me, cousin; I spoke harshly; but wouldn't it be better +for you to go to Pauline? She may not like to have Eugene witness her +grief." + +"Why?" I asked. "She is very fond of her brother." + +He walked quickly across the floor. "You forget," said he in a hoarse +voice, "how lately she loved him as her future husband. I have seen the +struggle in her mind, to overcome such an affection, or rather to change +it to the calm, though deep affection of a sister." + +I looked at Joseph earnestly, as he walked back and forth across the +room, with knitted brow and closely shut lips, and tried to discover the +cause of his agitation. At length he stopped before me, and said, "will +you go to her?" + +"Yes," I replied, laying aside my work. As I went above, I heard him +leave the house. + +When I entered the school-room, I found Pauline sitting with her head +resting on her brother's shoulder, while his arm was around her. She had +ceased weeping, but still looked very sad. "Mamma," said Eugene, "I've +been telling her how very naughty it is for her to feel sorrow, and not +allow me to share it with her. She won't even tell me what makes her +weep." Pauline put her handkerchief quickly to her face to hide the +tears which were streaming unbidden down her cheeks. I motioned to him +to leave her with me. He kissed her tenderly and went below. I then led +the weeping girl into my own room, and having fastened the door, I sat +by her side, and begged her to tell me what had afflicted her. + + + "There is a shadow far within your eye, + Which hath of late been deepening. You were wont + Upon the clearness of your open brow + To wear a brighter spirit, shedding round + Joy, like this southern sun. It is not well, + If some dark thought be gathering o'er your soul, + To hide it from affection. Why is this, + My Pauline, why is this?" + + +But after talking with her for nearly half an hour, I was no wiser than +at first. I could only get from her the confession that she was very +unhappy, and wished she were safely at home in Crawford. I hinted to her +what I suspected, that she found it difficult to change the nature of +her affection for her brother so suddenly. She looked up quickly, as she +replied, "Mamma, I was deceived as to the nature of my love for him. I +never could have _married_ Eugene; but he is very dear to me as a +brother." + +Hearing the outer door open, she sprang upon her feet, painfully +embarrassed, and was going hastily from the room, but returned, and said +in a low voice, "Please, mamma, say nothing of this to any one; I will +endeavor to be cheerful." + +When I went below, Frank had returned, and soon Joseph came in, and +seating himself near the window, commenced reading in the book which had +so much interested him when Franky stole his letter. I drew my husband +to a retired part of the room, and told him I wished to leave Nice as +soon as possible for the sake of Pauline. + +After many questions on his part, and many replies on mine, I told him +what she said with regard to Eugene. "I think she speaks truly there," +exclaimed Frank eagerly. "I am convinced she never loved him. I mean as +a suitor. I was almost sure of it at the time. She ought to be very +thankful it has turned out so well for her." + +"She is so," I replied. "She says, he is a very dear brother." + +Here Joseph threw down his book, and taking his hat walked away from the +house as if his very life depended upon his speed. The Doctor laughed +heartily, as he exclaimed, "what an odd fellow Joseph is! I wonder what +started him off on such a race. See there," he continued, approaching +the window, "he is almost out of sight." + +Pauline begged to be excused from coming down to tea; but stole quietly +in as we were sitting talking in the moonlight. I hope she will feel +better in the morning. + + +_Wednesday, March 19th._ + +We were seated at the breakfast table this morning, when Ruth entered, +bringing an exquisite bouquet, and saying with an expressive grin, +"Here, Misse Pauline, dis bunch posies for you." + +"Who brought them?" was eagerly asked by several voices. Franky took a +French leave of the company and rushed down the street after the boy who +had left them at the door. But he could not overtake him, and returned +to join in the curiosity expressed on all sides, to know the donor of so +tasteful a gift. + +Ruth was questioned again and again, and asked to recollect if there was +no message. But she kept firmly to her original story; "He laugh and +say, he told, bring dat Misse Pauline; 'pears like he mighty pleased +heself." + +The bouquet was passed from one to another and was much admired. Joseph +said, "whoever sent it might think himself well paid if he knew what a +sensation it has caused." + +When Pauline came to dinner she had selected a bright scarlet verbina +with a few queen leaves and twined them around her dark tresses, which +gave quite a glow to her pale countenance. I saw cousin look very +earnestly at her as she was seated opposite him at table. The color +deepened as she met his gaze, and this greatly added to her beauty. + +Nelly has just run up from the parlor for me to go below. Monsieur Vinet +has come with Adele. Now we shall leave Nice in a very few days. + + +_Thursday, March 20th._ + +We are all of us charmed with Adele. She said she had heard Monsieur +Morgan speak of us so often, she felt as if she were acquainted with us. +When her countenance is in repose, which to be sure is very seldom, +there is nothing about it to attract attention. But the moment she +speaks, her whole face lights up, and there is a wonderful play of the +features, which are ever changing their expression. She has handsome +hair and eyes. She wears her hair in quite a unique style, being parted +smoothly off her brow, and after being gathered, into a knot behind is +worn like a coronet around her head. She is very graceful and +fascinating; and we consider her an agreeable addition to our party. + +When we came down to breakfast this morning, a vase was standing by +Pauline's plate filled with flowers still fresh with the dew. As I +stooped over them to inhale their fragrance, I saw a card among the +leaves with the words "For the lovely Pauline, with the best wishes of a +friend." The penmanship was delicate, like that of a lady; but we did +not recognize it. + +When Nelly explained the mystery connected with the flowers to Adele, +she was quite enthusiastic upon the subject, and said gayly: "Oh! I do +so love a mystery. It is so romantic. It is charming!" But she was +unwearied in her efforts to unravel it. She first charged Eugene with +being the donor, which charge he stoutly denied. Then she shook her +finger at Joseph. "Ah, monsieur, you are the one. Now I'll call you to +account for this piece of coquetry." + +But Joseph only looked annoyed and said, "I have not left the house this +morning." + +After all had expressed an opinion, Pauline exclaimed, "I know who sent +it." + +"Who? _who?_" questioned Adele and Nelly, both at once. + +"Mr. Percival, dear Mr. Percival," she answered with enthusiasm. I +happened to meet Joseph's eye, which very much resembled the Joseph I +knew in B----; but he instantly looked down and bit his lip to keep from +laughing. + + +_Saturday, March 22d._ + +The last two days have been spent by the young people in visiting for +the last time all the favorite haunts and places of interest. Pauline's +conduct is an enigma to me. Sometimes she appears very cheerful, and +often when with Adele, I have heard her musical laugh ring through the +house like a sweet toned bell; but it is a forced laugh, and is almost +always followed by great sadness. To-day her appearance pleased me +better than it had for a long time. I thought her more natural. But this +evening she is worse than ever. From what Nelly told me to-night, I fear +this state of her spirits is somewhat connected with Joseph. During +their frequent rambles, Pauline has always clung closely to her +brother's arm before they left the house, to prevent the possibility of +walking with her cousin. But to-night I noticed that when they returned, +Adele accompanied Eugene, and his sister had taken Joseph's arm, while +Franky held his cousin by the hand. They were talking quite cheerfully +as they approached the house. I thought Joseph gazed down upon his +companion with something of the reverence with which he regarded her in +former years. + +But after tea, Pauline happened to go with Nelly into the school-room, +and found Joseph sitting by the window with Adele. To use Nelly's words, +"Cousin Joe was holding her hand in his, and she was crying. She said, +'oh! Monsieur, I can't indeed! I can't bear such treatment.' I was just +going," Nelly continued, "to ask her what was the matter, but Pauline +pulled me away." + +"Where is Pauline?" I asked. + +"She is in her room, mamma." I went to her door, but found it locked. +This must not go on so. I am glad we are to leave here Monday morning. + + +_Paris, Monday, March 31st._ + +The Doctor, Joseph and Eugene are planning excursions enough to last for +a month. Adele, who resides with her uncle in this city, has promised to +accompany the young people to all its places of interest. Indeed she has +already begun to do so. Her uncle, who is also her guardian, is one of +the firm where Joseph is a partner; and it is thus she has become +acquainted with him. I have noticed that since Pauline saw Adele weeping +in the school-room with Joseph, she has avoided her cousin more +assiduously than ever. I am intending to renew some of my former +acquaintances, while the others are sight-seeing. + + +_Evening._ + +Pauline's bouquets have followed her to Paris. This evening she received +a magnificent one. She said, "I am now fully convinced father procured +them for me." I looked quickly at Frank, who only smiled. + +"Oh! papa," said Pauline, throwing her arms about his neck with a +natural burst of feeling, "I thank you so much. How very, _very_ kind," +and she kissed him affectionately. But the next moment with a convulsive +sob she sank back into her chair and wept bitterly. + +Joseph flew to her side, and leaning forward said, "Dear Pauline, how +can I comfort you?" + +Her father sent the children from the room, and took her tenderly on his +knee, where, drawing her head to his breast, he whispered, "Pauline, my +own dear child, cannot you tell your father the cause of your grief?" + +I sat by her side while Joseph walked the room, stopping ever and anon +as if about to speak, and then checking himself with difficulty. After a +short time Pauline became more composed, so that she could speak, and +she raised her eyes mournfully to her father's face as she said, "I +forgot you were not my father, and I was so happy." + +We were all much affected at the deep sadness of her tone, and Frank +said, "Let us all forget it, my daughter. Your father loves you truly +and tenderly;" and he pressed her in his arms as she lay like a child, +hiding her face in his bosom. + +Joseph could restrain himself no longer, but rushed forward and stooping +down, took her unresisting hand. "Pauline, dearest Pauline, _I_ cannot +forget it, for the hour I learned that Eugene was your brother, was the +happiest of my life. Won't you look at me, dearest, to show you forgive +me?" + +But the weeping girl clung to her father, while she absolutely shook +with emotion. + +Just at this moment, Adele burst into the room with very evident marks +of excitement. Her eyes were much inflamed, and bore signs of excessive +weeping. She walked quickly up to Joseph, and requested to see him +alone. + +Though evidently much annoyed, he led her into the next apartment, where +we heard their voices in earnest conversation for a short time; then she +wept aloud, and I could hear Joseph try to soothe her, and beg her to +compose herself. Soon after, he left with her in the carriage which +brought her to our hotel. + +Frank looked much perplexed, and almost stern. Pauline wept so violently +he feared the effect upon her. She sobbed out, "Oh, papa!" and pressed +her hand to her heart. It was nearly an hour before we succeeded in +getting the poor child to her chamber, and when I left her she promised +to try to sleep. The Doctor is determined to wait for Joseph, and demand +an explanation of his conduct, and as I am too excited to sleep, I have +employed myself in writing. + + +_Tuesday, April 1st._ + +After sitting up to receive Joseph, who occupies rooms at our hotel, +until after two this morning, Frank retired to bed. I have rarely seen +him more displeased. He says Joseph has trifled with Pauline's +affections. I did not know what to think. I never saw anything in his +conduct which led me to suppose he loved her. + +We were dressing for breakfast when a servant brought the Doctor a note. +It was from cousin, begging to see him as soon as possible. Frank +followed the servant, instead of sending an answer; and you can easily +imagine I awaited his return with no little impatience. + +At length I went to see if Pauline were awake, and to my astonishment +found her up and dressed. Her countenance was pensive; but she tried to +smile as she came forward for her morning kiss. + +We were hardly seated before her father knocked and begged me to +accompany Pauline to the parlor. He appeared so pleased, I could easily +see that Joseph had been able to explain his conduct satisfactorily. +When we entered the parlor, Joseph came quickly forward to meet us. +Pauline shrank back as if she wished to avoid the meeting; but Joseph +spoke a few words in her ear. What they were, I have not been able to +find out; but there must have been some kind of a charm about them, for +the dear girl started and gazed earnestly at him, when she seemed to +feel satisfied, and artlessly put her hand in his. After pressing the +dear little treasure again and again to his lips, he led her forward to +where I sat looking on with astonishment. "Cousin Cora," said he to me, +"fifteen years ago I asked the hand of your daughter. Your husband has +just now made me very happy by giving his consent. Will you give me +yours?" + +"You are making a very bold request," I replied, as I drew the blushing +girl nearer to me. "What say you, my daughter, shall we encourage such a +suit?" "Just as you please, mamma." + +"No, my love, not just as _I_ please. You must speak for yourself." +Joseph had thrown himself on one knee before us, and having made a +prisoner of her little hand, he poured out all the story of his +love--the agony he had experienced when he visited Nice and found her +affianced to Eugene, and the many, _many_ doubts and fears he had felt +on account of her cold manner toward him. + +The poor girl trembled excessively, and when he ceased, seemed +absolutely unable to reply. He started to his feet and said, "O! +Pauline, beloved of my soul, can you, will you accept my love?" + +Making a great effort, she said in a very low voice, "I do love you, +dear Joseph." I could hardly distinguish the words; but I suppose the +old saying is true, "for lovers' eyes are sharp to see and lovers' ears +to hear," for the loving Joseph appeared fully to hear and appreciate +her meaning, and was by no means sparing of his thanks on the occasion. +I took the first opportunity to leave the room, though Pauline was +almost frightened at the ardor of her lover, and clung to my dress, as I +attempted to pass her. + +The Doctor has explained to me what appeared strange in the conduct of +our cousin, especially as connected with Adele. Her history I will give +you in a few words. She was left when a child to the guardianship of her +uncle. Being quite an heiress, he wished her to make what he called a +great match. But Mademoiselle, whose wishes had never been +crossed--whose slightest whim had been law to the whole household, had +fallen in love with a young man whose only inheritance was a heart full +of warm and generous impulses, united to a strength of determined +purpose, which would in the end surmount all obstacles in his path, to +riches and honor. All the wealth of his affections he had lavished upon +the charming Adele, and she fully reciprocated the attachment. But +Monsieur Vinet, her guardian, was very much enraged when the young and +ardent lover asked the hand of his niece, and positively refused his +consent. It was this which had caused him to send her for a time to his +brother near Nice, in the hope that absence would dissolve their foolish +fondness. Joseph had been made a confidant by each of the parties; and +it was a letter addressed to him by Monsieur Couvier that had so +distressed Adele while at Nice. It was a short postscript in relation to +this subject which had so much disturbed cousin, when Franky commenced +reading the letter aloud. + +The crisis of her troubles which had occurred at a time so unfortunate +for poor Pauline, was caused in the following manner. Adele, driven +almost to despair by the inflexibility of her guardian, determined to +make an appeal to him in her own behalf. She had thrown herself at his +feet, and with all the enthusiasm of her impulsive nature, had begged +his consent to her union with the one she loved. She offered to give up +to him all her property, and in everything else, to be all that he could +desire. Monsieur Vinet really loved his niece after his own fashion, and +could not be made to understand why she should prefer a man so poorly +endowed by fortune, to one who, though of doubtful morals, and +questionable virtue, yet was of noble birth and princely estate. + +Having sued in vain for his consent, and being in her violent grief +wholly unmindful of appearances, she had driven to our hotel to beg +Joseph to intercede for her. I need not stop to detail all that +followed. Suffice it to say that his influence, added to the distressing +agony of Adele which she took no pains to control or to conceal, at +length prevailed, and Joseph had the pleasure before he left them of +feeling that he had been the means of securing happiness to two +otherwise distracted hearts. + + +_Wednesday, April 2d._ + +This morning the mystery connected with the bouquets has been revealed. +After receiving her morning gift from the hands of the servant, Pauline +gracefully went to her father, and thanked him for giving her so much +pleasure. + +Frank looked archly at Joseph, who quickly dropped his eyes, to conceal +the look of merriment which begins to show itself. "Thank you, my +daughter," Frank said, returning the kiss, "but I rather think you've +bestowed it on the wrong person." + +Pauline started, while a beautiful rosy hue spread all over her face, +and gave one eager glance at her lover. + +I saw it was with great difficulty that Joseph restrained himself from +pressing her to his heart; but he bent lovingly over her little hand, +and said something in a low, yet impassioned voice. If he intended to +drive away her blushes, he was unfortunate in his choice of words, for +they only deepened. + +My husband and I have been talking over the whole of this novel +courtship from beginning to end, and I feel quite humbled as I am +obliged to come to the conclusion that, while Joseph for fifteen years +has never wavered in his affection for Pauline, who, he says, first +awakened him to a sense of his responsibility as a man and a Christian, +I, who have always prided myself upon my shrewdness in matters of the +heart, have been blind as a bat. We expect to be with you on the +twenty-second instant. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVIII. + + "And lo! at last relieved from every toil, + They come! the wanderers view their native soil! + Then the bright raptures words can never speak, + Flash in their eyes, and mantle in their cheek! + Then Love and Friendship, whose unceasing prayer, + Implored for them each guardian spirit's care; + In that blest moment all the past forget,-- + Hours of suspense, and vigils of regret!" MRS. HEMANS. + + +_Crawford, Monday, August 4th._ + +DEAR MOTHER,--Since the hasty letter I wrote you, announcing our safe +arrival at home, my time has been so fully occupied that I have been +altogether unable to resume my journal. Our dear, lovely Pauline is to +leave us the first of October. It is fortunate for me that cares and +duties demand every moment of my time, else I fear, I should spend much +of it in the unprofitable employment of weeping. Indeed, there is a sad +weight at my heart, and sometimes when my darling child sits down before +me, and lays her head in my lap, I am completely overcome. How fully, +dear mother, I can enter into your sorrow, when I remember the +convulsive embrace with which you held me to your heart on the event of +my leaving home. I can again see the tears which flowed like rain down +your pale cheeks, and hear your broken voice saying, "May God bless you, +my own dear Cora, and comfort your mother in her loss." + +I must relate to you one little circumstance in connection with Pauline, +as showing the length of her attachment to Joseph. Eugene was trying to +unlock a small work-box, (as I had always taken it to be,) with a key of +his own, his sister having playfully refused to allow him to see the +contents. She sat by laughing, perfectly secure that he had no key which +would fit the lock, when all at once the cover flew open. I had just +entered the room, when she said merrily, "There, Eugene, give it to me. +It's useless to try;" when, as she perceived his success, her tone +changed to one of such deep distress, as she eagerly tried to take it +from him. "Oh! my dear, _dear_ brother, do give it to me." I looked in +surprise. Eugene held the box behind him while she stood with anxious, +tearful distress, begging him to restore it. I stepped quietly behind, +and took the box with its precious contents from his hand. + +"Eugene," said I, shaking my head at him, "you are a naughty boy to +tease your sister." He called Nelly, his inseparable companion and +adviser, and went into the garden. I still held the box, and when we +were alone, I presented it to her with a smile, saying, "It would be +safer, my dear, to put this out of Eugene's way, since he is so curious +to know the contents." + +She held it tightly for a moment, a struggle evidently taking place in +her mind, when she said frankly, "Dear mamma, it is only some letters +you permitted me to keep." + +"_Letters_ from whom?" I asked eagerly. + +She put the whole into my hands, saying, "Dear mamma, you gave them to +me," and she hid her face on my shoulder. Judge of my surprise when I +found letters and scraps of letters dating back as far as 1836, when +Joseph was a gay boy. In truth almost every one of them contained some +message to his young friend. + +Then there was a sheet of scribbling, with the names, Joseph Lenox +Morgan and Pauline De Lacy Lenox, written in every variety of +penmanship, in cousin's bold hand. These were interspersed with pictures +evidently drawn to please a young child; a tall gentleman leading a +little girl; then a young lady taking the arm of her companion, while +underneath were written the names "Joseph and Pauline." These were the +precious mementos which she had hoarded with as much care as the miser +does his gold; and she confessed with tears, that when Adele was with us +at Nice, almost her only comfort consisted in reading over and over +these messages of love. + +"When Eugene told me of his affection for me," she added, with a slight +shudder, "I thought I ought to destroy them; but I had not the strength +to do it." + +I pressed the artless child to my heart, as I said, "And when I blamed +you for treating Joseph so ill, did you love him then?" + +"Oh! mamma," said she weeping, "how I longed to tell you all about it! I +never knew until Joseph came, how much I loved him. But then I knew also +that Eugene loved me and desired me to return his affection, and I +feared it would be wrong toward him, for me to show my strong attachment +to my cousin. Besides I thought Joseph would despise me if he saw my +regard for him while another sought my heart and my hand." + + +_Thursday, October 2d._ + +Yesterday morning, at eleven o'clock, my dear Pauline was married. I +cannot yet realize that she has left me. The young couple started +directly on their wedding tour, and will return in a fortnight to pass a +few days with us, before they go to B----, where she is to be for the +present, in the family of her father-in-law. It is their wish to give up +the whole management of the household to her. But Joseph prefers to wait +until she can determine for herself whether she will board with them, or +whether the new couple shall set up a separate establishment and keep +house by themselves. In the midst of all my sadness, I cannot but smile +at his treatment of her. He listens to her words, as to oracles of +wisdom, and is as tender of her as a father of an only and a feeble +daughter, while she is the very picture of health and cheerfulness. + +But I forget that I have told you nothing of the wedding,--the +company,--the ceremonies and the bridal gifts. I allowed Pauline to make +her own arrangements, and was not a little surprised and delighted at +her characteristic choice of bridemaids. In all her plans, Eugene and +Nelly were zealous, if not able advisers; and I doubt whether any young +masters or misses were ever more elated than were those appointed to +this service. + +Upon Monday evening, Joseph arrived with uncle and aunt Morgan. Uncle +presented his intended daughter with a splendid service of plate, +manufactured expressly for her; and aunt, with a bridal veil which +Joseph had imported for her. Tuesday evening a large box arrived from +Lee Hall, directed to "_Mrs. Joseph Morgan elect_." Poor Pauline was +kept very rosy from morning till night, by Eugene's continual practice +on the enunciation of this new name, that he might obtain its sweetest +and most approved accent. The dear girl was almost overcome by this +public recognition of her new title. On opening the box, it was found to +contain a magnificent silver urn with slop-bowl to match, lined with +gold. This gift was from our dear friend, Mrs. Mansfield. Many other +appropriate and rich presents were received from friends, which I have +not time to specify, as I must hasten to my account of the wedding. + +It was private, but few being present, as Pauline is to meet her friends +on her return, and has appointed the twenty-first of October, her +father's birth-day, for her wedding party. + +On Wednesday morning, at eleven o'clock, the time appointed for the +ceremony, Eugene ushered us into the parlor, where we found Allen and +Lucy, Dr. and Mrs. Clapp, Miss Proctor, uncle and aunt, Mr. Benson and +Emily, and our dear mother with our beloved pastor and his family, while +Cæsar, Phebe, Ruth and Ann filled up the back ground, and gave an +agreeable variety to the shading of the picture. Eugene formally +conducted the Doctor and myself to the seats of distinguished guests, +and then retired to fulfil his duty as master of ceremonies, which from +the youthfulness and inexperience of many of the company, and the +perfect order with which they entered the room, must have required no +little skill in the training. + +First entered Eugene and Nelly; then Charles Karswell and Anna Reynolds, +who are shortly to be married; next Henry Marshall, grandson of our +friend the Attorney General, and Emily Lenox Mansfield; next Franky +Lenox and Susy Benson, while Willie Reynolds and little black-eyed Hatty +Clapp brought up the rear. These all walked, with the order and dignity +befitting the occasion, to their proper places, leaving a vacant space +in the centre for the young bride, who entered last, leaning on the arm +of him whom she had loved "from very childhood up." + +Truly, they were a noble pair. He was tall and erect, with a broad, high +brow, and eyes beaming with fondness upon the fair face so confidingly +upturned to his own. She wore a white satin dress with an over-dress of +gossamer lace. Her hair, which she always wore in natural curls, falling +upon her neck, was looped up at the sides with a wreath of orange +flowers, that also confined her veil. Sister Emily, who, with Lucy +Mansfield's assistance, dressed the bride, and gave the finishing touch +to the dress of all the young men and maidens, was much delighted at the +complete success of her efforts. Rev. Mr. Munroe, by a few mystic words +made the twain one forever. Then after prayer for a blessing on the +happy union, all walked up to salute the bride. + +Though my heart was overflowing, yet I had been able to command myself +until my husband led me to the bride. I tried to speak, but finding my +voice inarticulate, hastily kissed her and retired for a few moments to +recover myself. When I returned to the room, Cæsar was passing the cake, +while his countenance wore a ludicrous mixture of sorrow and delight. He +evidently felt a strong inclination to weep; but his duties rendering +this inappropriate and inconvenient, he tried to assume an expression of +the joy which he conceived to be more befitting the occasion. + +Uncle and aunt Morgan will remain with us until after Pauline's return +and levee. A list of the persons to be then invited she put into the +hand of her brother Eugene. The day before she went, she consulted me +about the number she should invite. I replied, "just as many as you +please, and just whom you please." + +From her choice of bridemaids, I rather think, there will be a +miscellaneous company. But if it gives the dear girl pleasure and +affords her an opportunity to take leave of friends, to whom she is +ardently attached, I shall be satisfied. + +Both she and Eugene were delighted that the levee would occur on their +father's birth-day. Emily Benson has brought her babies to make us a +family visit while uncle and aunt Morgan are here, so that I have no +time to be lonely. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIX. + + "How few, like thee, inquire the wretched out, + And court the offices of soft humanity! + Like thee, reserve their raiment for the naked, + Reach out their bread to feed the crying orphan, + Or mix the pitying tears with those that weep!" ROWE. + + +_Wednesday, October 22d._ + +Last evening the company began to assemble for the levee at an early +hour, and consisted of persons selected without any reference to the +accidental distinctions of wealth and rank. Mr. Marshall, the attorney +General, and Thomas Jones the reformed inebriate, but now one of the +most respectable and respected citizens of the town, were in close +proximity. Here too, were Mr. Allen and Mrs. Lucy Mansfield, at the head +of the wealthy aristocracy, in animated conversation with William and +Anna Reynolds, once so oppressed with poverty. Mr. Benson and Emily, who +would anywhere be recognized as persons of true refinement and grace, +bestowed special attention upon those present, who were unaccustomed to +such scenes, and on that account timid and reserved. A table was +extended the entire length of the dining room, and bountifully crowned +with delicacies and luxuries, of which at the proper hour all were +invited to partake. The bride and bridegroom with their train, who were +in attendance as at the wedding, mingled with the company and addressed +a kind word to each. + +There were so many children and young people present who were obliged +to leave at an early hour, that the Doctor, after consultation with me, +requested Mr. Munroe to close this interesting interview with prayer. +Instead of complying immediately with this request, I noticed that Dr. +Clapp stepped forward and said something to the Doctor, and then +suddenly left the room in company with the reverend gentleman, Mr. +Marshall, Allen Mansfield, and one or two others. I looked at Frank, +wondering what this could mean. He whispered to me, that Dr. C. wanted +to have a little singing. I was still more puzzled when Emily Benson +touched my arm and desired to speak with me. "They have found out," said +she, "that it is Frank's birth-day, and want to sing a hymn in honor of +the event. Take his arm and keep him quiet, just where you are." She +then went and led mother and the children near me, and taking her +husband's arm, stood behind us. + +The gentlemen returned, and Dr. Clapp, who is a fine singer, commenced +the following hymn, in which he was joined at first by nearly all the +company except our immediate family: + + + To him who e'er hast lent a hand + In hours of direst woe, + Who like a brother led the way, + And showed us how to go; + To him who oft has bowed the knee + Beside the lowly cot, + Here thanks we give, here thanks we pay, + On this thy natal day. + + Kind benefactor, brother, friend, + Our words but feebly tell + The gush of love comes over us, + And in our bosoms swell, + For all thy kindness, all thy care + For souls by sin oppressed, + Here thanks we give, here thanks we pay, + On this thy natal day. + + May He who in his precious word + Declares the giver blessed, + E'en far beyond recipients, + Pronounce thee doubly blessed; + And as swift years their circles speed, + May lover, children, friends, + Combine to bless thy natal day, + As we our thanks do pay. + + +I never knew Frank so much overcome. He put his handkerchief to his +eyes, and then made a movement as if he were meditating an escape from +the room; but I whispered, "don't leave me, Frank." + +When the singing terminated, Rev. Mr. Munroe stepped forward and began +to make a speech. My heart beat very fast; and for a moment I felt as if +I were going to be married. I was so much overcome that I could not hear +all that was said, but the next hour was occupied with speeches +addressed to the Doctor, by Rev. Mr. Munroe, Mr. Marshall, Dr. Clapp, +and Thomas Jones; each of whom in a most delicate manner, spoke of his +happy influence and professional services. Mr. Munroe said, "No one +could fully estimate the value of the labors of a pious physician this +side of eternity." "Everywhere," he continued, "among this people, I +find occasion to bless God for locating me in a parish where those +labors abound." + +Dr. Clapp thanked my husband for his kind attention, encouragement and +friendship, and concluded by saying "I owe all my present ease and +comfort to you, Dr. Lenox." + +Allen Mansfield followed him, and in glowing terms spoke of the +blessings for which under God he and his were indebted to Frank, and to +our family. + +Next Thomas Jones came forward to acknowledge his obligations. He +commenced in a lofty strain. "Dear sir, I speak not for myself alone, +but for a large class in the community, some of whom I see standing +around you and your worthy lady and family, persons who through your +instrumentality."--Poor man, his emotion choked his utterance, and he +suddenly stopped, caught the Doctor by the hand, and broke out in a more +natural and therefore impressive strain; "Oh, sir, think what I was when +you found me, took me out of the ditch, led me home by the hand, +encouraged and warned me, prayed with me and for me; think of me, a poor +besotted drunkard, frightening my own wife and children, and see what +your kindness has made of me and of them. I say with Dr. Clapp, that +under God, I owe all this to you, Doctor; and there's many here whose +hearts are saying the same thing. God bless you, Doctor, your beloved +wife and children; and may he also bless us, and gladden our hearts, by +many returns of your birth-day. Mr. Willard had prepared me a fine +speech for the occasion; but before I got through the first sentence I +forgot the whole of it." This frank acknowledgment suddenly turned the +sorrow that was suffusing so many eyes into a roar of laughter, in which +even the weeping Doctor could not but unite. + +Finally, Mr. Marshall presented himself and said, "Dr. Lenox, there are +many persons in this company who have it in their hearts to reiterate +the remarks of Mr. Jones, Dr. Clapp and others who have addressed you; +but the lateness of the hour forbids them the pleasure. Enough has been +said to convince you, their esteemed friend and physician, that your +labors have been neither in vain, nor unappreciated. In their behalf and +in my own behalf, I thank you for your ministrations of kindness, for +your charity to the poor, and your relief of the distressed; and I +cordially unite with them in the desire that your life and valuable +services may be long spared to us, and to the community in which we +live. I conclude with this sentiment: "_Our beloved physician--he has +sown bountifully, may he also reap bountifully, harvesting esteem in +this world, and life eternal in the world to come._" + + + "Thy natal day-- + And duly shall our raptured song, + And gladly shall our eyes + Still bless this day's return, so long + As thou shalt see it rise." + + +When he had closed, Mr. Marshall, perceiving that the Doctor was too +much overcome to attempt a reply, turned to the pastor, who concluded +the service with a solemn and impressive prayer. There was hardly a dry +eye in the room, while Cæsar and Phebe, who stood in the rear of our +family, sobbed aloud. The Doctor kept his handkerchief to his eyes, and +he told me afterwards, that it was with difficulty he could support +himself. + +After prayer, the company bade us good night and retired. The next +morning, at family prayers, I was delighted to hear my husband pray that +he might not be led to take to himself that glory which was due to God +alone; but that the late scene might humble him and render him more +diligent in his master's service. + + +_Friday, October 24th._ + +This morning, before Pauline's departure, Eugene put into her hand, +legal documents conveying to her one half of their deceased father's +estate. Uncle and aunt Morgan are to return with the bride and +bridegroom. Charles Karswell and Anna Reynolds are to be of the party as +far as New York city, and Eugene to New Haven, where he is to resume his +place in the senior class in Yale College, which he entered at the last +commencement. + +Now that they all have gone, I begin to realize that Pauline, the child +of my heart, has left me, and in spite of all my efforts at resistance, +a sadness steals over my spirits. I try to compose myself, and to +realize some comfort from the thought my dear husband holds up to my +view, that I have gained a son. But as yet I can only remember that I +have lost the society and companionship of my lovely daughter; I think +that Frank feels her loss almost as much as I do; for though he appears +very cheerful, yet there is a pallor about his mouth which I have +always noticed when his feelings are deeply moved. I heard him as he +left me to visit his patients humming a lively tune; but I knew that he +only did it, as boys whistle in the dark, to keep their courage up. + + + + +CHAPTER XL. + + "When all the fiercest passions cease, + (The glory and disgrace of youth;) + When the deluded soul in peace, + Can listen to the voice of truth; + When we are taught in whom to trust, + And how to spare, to spend, to give; + (Our prudence kind, our pity just,) + 'Tis then we rightly learn to live." CRABBE. + + +"_Papers relating to my beloved Imogen, to be read by my son on his +attaining his majority._ H. C. S. + + +"MY DEAR SON EUGENE,--When you unseal this packet, the hand which wrote +this brief account of your mother, will be mouldering in the dust. When +you have read it, you will need no farther explanation of the cause of +that sorrow which has brought me to the grave. Nor will you wonder that +I could never enter upon the subject so often and so naturally referred +to by you. + +"My beloved Imogen, your mother was born in Nice, of highly respectable +and wealthy parents. The estate on which they lived, which has of course +much depreciated in value, together with funds in Paris, enabled them to +live in comfort, and to bestow upon their only child, Imogen, the best +advantages of education. + +"In the autumn of 1828, I went to Rome for the winter. There I first met +her, whose image from that hour to the present has never left me. Though +her great personal beauty, both of face and figure, joined to her +remarkable mental endowments, rendered her the object of universal +admiration, yet I alone won the affections of her generous heart, a +heart which, though warm and impulsive beyond even the daughters of her +native clime, was pure as that of a vestal. + +"But my throbbing pulse and trembling hand warn me not to delay at this +point of my story. Suffice it to say that I returned with my beloved +Imogen to Nice, and our betrothal receiving the sanction of her parents, +we were married; their only condition being a promise from me, that when +I was ordered abroad, (I was then in command of troops in his majesty's +service,) she should return to them to remain during my absence. + +"No language can describe to you the happiness experienced by us during +the few years which followed. An amount of happiness not often +vouchsafed to man. Alas! _alas!_ I sought nothing beyond the felicity of +the present hour. I adored my wife, and lovely boy, but forgot even the +being of that God, who had blessed me so far beyond the common lot of +mortals. But early in the year of 1833, I was fully awakened to a sense +of my bliss, by the thought of the terrible separation which had now +become necessary. I received orders to join my regiment and go to India. +I had taken one furlough after another, but now there could be no more +delay. In the first frenzy of her despair at losing me, Imogen insisted +upon accompanying me. But earnestly as my heart seconded this appeal, I +could not be so rash as to allow it. It was within a few months of her +accouchement; and I determined not to leave her until she was safe in +Nice under the care of her parents. This, however, circumstances +compelled me to do. At this crisis, Ralph Mortimer, a young officer, who +was dear to me as a brother, arrived in England. He had sold out his +commission, and was intending to go to France to recruit his wasted +strength and spirits. I met him accidentally, and in a few moments had +communicated to him the nature and depth of my affliction. He was +somewhat roused from his melancholy by my distress; and without +detailing minutely what followed, it was at length decided that I +should remain with my family until the time of sailing, and then +Mortimer would proceed to Nice with Imogen and our boy. I presented +every possible inducement to him to remain in Nice, that I might feel in +case of her parents' death, or any unforeseen event, that my dear wife +would have a protector. She, however, in private informed me that she +feared constant intercourse with a man so morose and melancholy would +only prey upon her spirits. But I hoped much from her influence to +overcome this morbid state, and as there was no living being in whom I +had such entire confidence, I rather urged this upon her. My friend I +believed to be the very soul of honor and--But I cannot go on. I have +been thus particular to show you that I was the only mover in these +arrangements for her comfort during my absence; and that she unwillingly +agreed to them solely out of her affection for me; often repeating, that +in the society of her parents, and with the affection and nurture of her +beautiful boy, she should endeavor to pass away the time, and count the +months when I should return to her arms. + +"Passing over the frantic grief of my loved Imogen from whom I was +obliged forcibly to tear myself away, I went mechanically on board the +vessel which I regarded with horror as the one that was to bear me far +from all I loved; nay, idolized. Mortimer accompanied me, and I was +startled from my brief unconsciousness and unconcern of what was +passing, by his approaching to take leave. + +"Drawing him passionately to a retired part of the vessel, I there +extracted from my friend a promise that after accompanying her to her +parental home, he would under all circumstances watch over her with the +affection of a brother; that he would never cease his efforts for her +happiness or prosperity. All this, he solemnly promised out of regard to +our early and long tried friendship. Afterwards I let him go. + +"During the ensuing year, I received letters from home announcing the +birth of a little daughter; and also the sudden death of my wife's +father, which latter event was quickly followed by the decease of her +mother. + +"Imogen was now alone, and Mortimer, though still an invalid, prompted +by his desire to fulfil his promise to me, spent much of his time in her +blissful society, having his rooms at the hotel, which was near her +residence. It was his delightful privilege to watch the unfolding of our +two precious buds of promise, to administer consolation to his sorrowing +charge in her successive bereavements. Alas! _alas!_ while soothing her +grief, a pang entered his own soul. He suddenly awakened to the fact +that he loved one, whose innocent purity of thought and action were at +every meeting more and more apparent. He loathed himself for his perfidy +to the brother of his early affections; that he had thus returned the +generous confidence which had confided to him in perfect trust, the wife +of his youth, the chosen companion of his heart. + +"But I am anticipating. Toward the close of the year 1834, I received a +letter, purporting to be from a gentleman residing in Nice, and who +professed great interest in me. This letter, though cautiously written, +yet more than hinted at the unfaithfulness of my wife, and the perfidy +of her companion, Ralph Mortimer. When I received it, like the bite of a +poisonous serpent, it instantly diffused itself through every vein in my +body. I gnashed my teeth that I could not get my hands upon the villain, +and tear him to pieces. But I was thousands of miles away, and must bear +my dishonor as best I might. After a night, spent in such horror as no +words can describe, I determined to resign my commission, to sacrifice +everything in order to get home. What was to become of me when there I +never thought. But before I could accomplish my wishes, the idea which +waking or sleeping was ever before me, of him whom I considered too +vile, even for the company of devils, in the constant society and love +of my hitherto adored wife--this idea so wrought upon a frame enfeebled +by a hot climate, that I was laid upon my couch with fever. So violent +was this attack, that there was no hope of my recovery. For weeks, I +lay unconscious; but when I recovered my reason, and was told I could +not live, I knew better. I was sure I should be allowed to unmask the +traitor, and expose Mortimer to infamy. I was right. I recovered so +rapidly that the most sanguine expectations of my friends were more than +realized; and far sooner than I had even dared to hope, I was ready to +sail for England. But I had nearly failed in this, for when about to +embark, having all my goods on board, I received another letter, +containing intelligence which had I doubted before, would now, alas! +have left no farther room for doubt. Burning with rage, I was carried on +board ship, where, by a dreadful relapse of fever, I was brought a +second time to the borders of the grave. Again mercy interposed, and I +partially recovered. But I felt no gratitude for restored health,--no +thanks to the Being who had preserved me amidst so many dangers. All the +feelings of my soul were concentrated into one burning desire for +revenge, and every moment which delayed this, was an age to my impatient +spirit. + +"I landed in England, and without an hour's delay took passage for +Havre, from which place I proceeded to Nice. + +"Oh, my son Eugene! I have taken up my pen many times, and unable to +relate, even to you, the awful, the shocking events which followed, have +again and again been obliged to lay it down. But justice to your +departed mother requires the sacrifice, and it shall be made. + +"I reached Nice, and with the fires of Etna raging within me, I drove +directly to the home of Imogen. She was not in. One of the servants +informed me she had gone out to walk with Mr. Mortimer. + +"The old steward caught my hand, as without waiting to see my children, +I was rushing after the wanderers. "Thank God!" said he, "that you have +returned." + +"Even in this cordial welcome, I read a confirmation of my dishonor. +Having learned the direction they had taken, I flew along the streets +until at length I saw my wife approaching with Mortimer. I instantly +crouched behind a wall, and as they passed, heard her imploring him to +leave Nice. + +"He told her it was in vain for her to plead. The time had passed when +he might have done so; now it was no longer in his power to tear himself +from her presence. + +"Had I not heard enough? A voice within me thundered why wait for more? +With one bound, I leaped like a tiger over the wall, and throwing him to +a distance from where she stood, I presented a pistol to his breast. + +"The movement had been so sudden, and unexpected, that for an instant +they stood paralyzed. But recovering himself, Mortimer, though pale as +death, stood erect before me, saying, 'you can do me no greater favor +than to end a life so miserable as mine has become.' + +"There was something about him which reminded me of the loved Ralph of +my boyhood, and my hand holding the pistol dropped to my side. But +Imogen rushed forward and threw herself at my feet. 'Spare his life! oh, +Harry! _spare his life!!_' + +"In this appeal, I recognized only her love for the guilty wretch; and I +spurned her from me, calling her by the vilest of names. She fell +senseless to the ground, and I, maddened by the scene, only waited to +appoint a meeting for the morrow with Mortimer, when hastening to the +inn, where I had ordered my horse to be left, I flew rather than rode to +the next town. I cannot tell how I passed the night. At the time +specified, I was at the place, and soon Mortimer met me. I placed a +brace of pistols in his hand, and in a voice hoarse with passion, I bade +him take his choice. + +"Mechanically he took one from me, and then stopped. 'Harry,' said he, +'one word before you fire. I alone am to blame. Imogen is'--he +hesitated--'_an angel_!' + +"'Yes,' said I, drawing my breath with difficulty, 'but a _fallen_ one.' + +"He groaned aloud. 'Oh, God forgive me that I should have made her +suffer!' + +"I was beside myself as he thus dared to avow his love, and I ordered +him to stand, or I could not restrain myself. He stood around facing the +sun. Even in my rage, I would not take advantage of this, but pointed to +him to change his position. + +"'No,' said he, 'I neither deserve nor wish to live. Fire, Harry,' he +continued, as I paused. 'I never will raise my hand against one I have +treated so treacherously!' + +"'Ralph,' I exclaimed, 'You dare not refuse to give me satisfaction.' + +"Without another word, he placed the pistol to his own breast, when, +with a spring into the air, he fell heavily to the ground. He had taken +his own life. + +"I flew to him, and raised him in my arms. All my revenge was oozing out +with the blood which poured from his death wound. + +"'Oh, Harry,' he said faintly, 'tell me before I die that you will +forgive Imogen. She is innocent. She never knew till yesterday that I +loved her, and then she implored me to leave her at once. She said her +heart was all yours.' + +"I gasped for breath. 'Ralph,' I shouted, 'say again that she _is +innocent_, and I will willingly lie down beside you and die.' + +"'Harry,' and the voice grew more and more faint. 'I would not deceive +you. Had she known the wicked feelings I have indulged, she would have +spurned me from her presence.' + +"'And you?' I asked quickly. + +"'I dared--to love her--whom you--so +trustingly--confided--to--my--care!' + +"The last words were spoken so faintly, that by putting my ear to his +mouth, I could scarcely distinguish them. 'Oh, Ralph,' I exclaimed in an +agony of remorse, 'you must not die!' The blood had ceased flowing since +I had crowded into the wound a handkerchief torn from my neck, and I +began to hope he had but fainted. I shouted 'help!' Soon some men came +running from a field. I told them a man was dying from loss of blood, +and I wanted help to carry him to the inn. + +"From that fatal moment, I remember nothing which passed for nearly a +month, except lying in a darkened room, while a figure dressed in white +floated around me. When I partly recovered my consciousness, I began to +listen for the light footstep, and looked up to see my nurse. She was +dressed in a gray robe, like the sisters of charity, with a hood which +nearly concealed her face. I turned my head to the wall and sighed; but +my thoughts soon wandered, and I forgot my disappointment. Whenever I +slept, I dreamed that my Imogen was by my side, but awoke only to see +the calm figure of the hooded nun. Twice I felt sure I heard violent +weeping in the room, but could never discover the cause. + +"I had now regained my consciousness, but I dared ask no questions. The +nun never spoke. She performed the office of a nurse in the most tender +and devoted manner. But after I had begun to question her, she left me, +and her place was supplied by another. I asked my physician to restore +the one who had so kindly watched over me. + +"'Her skill has saved your life,' was all his reply. + +"I asked him how I came to this place. + +"'When you are strong enough to bear it I will tell you.' + +"This answer put me back several days. When at the worst, I one day +suddenly opened my eyes, and found the gray nun leaning over me. For an +instant the large lustrous eyes looked mournfully into mine, and I was +sure Imogen was before me, when turning partly aside, a calm, cold voice +asked me what I would have. + +"The disappointment was too great. I buried my head in the bed clothes +and wept. I saw her no more. A week passed away; it was a full month +since I first asked the question; and I again implored my kind physician +to tell me what had happened during my sickness. I found Mortimer had +never spoken after he reached the house; and I had been discovered and +conveyed to my home, I never knew by whom. + +"I had over-estimated my strength, and again relapsed. But this time I +had my reason. Then it was that my sins stared me in the face. I was a +murderer. Yes, though my hands had not shed blood except in battles, yet +in the sight of God, aye, and in my own sight, I was a murderer. + +"But where were Imogen and my children? I had often asked this question, +but had never been able to obtain a reply. I now determined to ask Mr. +Percival; and taking advantage of an early visit, I put the question +directly to him, 'Where is my wife?' + +"He shook his head mournfully. + +"'I cannot be kept longer in suspense,' I exclaimed. 'Do not fear it +will injure me.' + +"'I shall probably be able to impart some knowledge of her at our next +interview,' he replied, and soon took his leave. + +"When he bent over my head at parting, I saw his eye was moistened by a +tear, and I loved him for sympathizing in my grief. + +"Oh, my son! my hand almost refuses to record the pang which was soon to +seize my soul. During the days succeeding his visit, I arose from my +bed, dispensed with the services of a physician, and yet my kind friend +came not. I determined to wait no longer. Though hardly daring to hope +that my injured wife would forgive me, yet I longed to throw myself at +her feet, and sue for pardon. I called my servant and told him to send +for the clergyman. + +"He replied, 'Mr. Percival is below, and will wait upon you.' + +"Something in the manner of the man alarmed me, and sinking back in my +chair, under an apprehension of I knew not what, I impatiently awaited +my visitor. He came in, kind and gentle as ever, and sat by my side. + +"'You promised,' said I eagerly, 'to tell me of my Imogen.' + +"'I have come for that purpose, my son,' and again he paused. + +"'Mr. Percival,' I said, catching hold of his hand, 'Have you no +compassion?' + +"He put his handkerchief to his eyes. '_She is at rest!_' + +"I sprang from my chair, and stood before him, only half comprehending +his meaning. 'Where?' I tried to articulate. + +"He pointed upward. * * * * * + +"I pass over the agony of that period. It was a long, _long_ time before +I could be reconciled to life. I could not endure the thought of leaving +the grave of my lost Imogen, and I sent my steward to England for our +children. My sympathizing friend, Mr. Percival, had directed me where to +find them. The steward returned with you, my son; but from that time to +the present, I have never been able to find the least trace of the +little Inez. She had started for England with her nurse to meet you, who +were there with our friends, and though I caused the strictest enquiries +to be made, and advertised in the papers for many months, yet nothing +could be learned. She was probably wrecked in a vessel reported as lost +at sea about that time. + +"This loss was, however, but slight compared with the one which from the +hour I heard it, to the present, has pressed upon me with a mountain +weight. The conduct of your mother was so spotless, that, +notwithstanding the intimacy of Mortimer in the family, not a breath of +calumny had ever fallen on their intercourse. The loss of her parents +had been blessed to her soul, so that for a year she had been a humble +Christian. She came and watched over me during my sickness in the +disguise of a nun, the physician enforcing perfect silence as the only +condition of her presence. She arose from her bed to look upon me once +more, and then returned to the parsonage to die of a broken heart. + +"My dear son, Eugene, I have now concluded my brief sketch of my crimes, +and of your mother's virtues. No motive less powerful than the desire to +do justice to her memory, together with the hope that you may be enabled +by the grace of God to avoid the one and to imitate the other, could +have induced me to make a record of this portion of my life. + +"I have with great satisfaction observed that in the sweetness and +urbanity of your disposition, you resemble your lovely mother. Could I +feel that religion guided, and governed your thoughts and actions; that +the instructions I have endeavored to impress upon your mind, would be +sanctified to your heart by the Holy Spirit; that the daily and hourly +prayers I have sent up to heaven in your behalf would be accepted, and +answered, then indeed I could lay me down and die in peace. + +"Oh, my dear son! Take warning by my crimes; by the sudden blighting of +all my fondest hopes; by my premature old age; but above all, by the +agony of remorse, which has in the prime of life, brought my gray hairs +in sorrow to the grave; take warning never to be governed and controlled +by passion. Never allow yourself to be influenced by what is falsely +called "_honor_," to raise your hand against your fellow. + +"In every event of life you have a sure guide in the word of God. Read +it, my son; read it daily; read it prayerfully; endeavor to conform your +life to its precepts; so shall you be useful in life, peaceful in death, +and happy through all eternity. + +"And now, my dearly beloved son, _farewell_! Though my sins have risen +up to heaven, yet the blood of my crucified Saviour has sufficed to wash +away their guilty stains. I leave myself with him, trusting solely in +his righteousness for pardon and salvation. + +"Soon I hope to receive my summons to resign my earthly tabernacle, and +to join my Imogen in forever singing praises to him who died to redeem +my guilty soul. + +"Eugene, my son, _Eugene_! FAREWELL!!" + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 35526 *** |