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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:14:49 -0700 |
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diff --git a/355-h/355-h.htm b/355-h/355-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f1216cf --- /dev/null +++ b/355-h/355-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2949 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<HTML> +<HEAD> + +<META HTTP-EQUIV="Content-Type" CONTENT="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"> + +<TITLE> +The Parasite +</TITLE> + +<STYLE TYPE="text/css"> +BODY { color: Black; + background: White; + margin-right: 5%; + margin-left: 10%; + font-size: medium; + font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; + text-align: justify } + +P {text-indent: 4% } + +P.noindent {text-indent: 0% } + +P.poem {text-indent: 0%; + margin-left: 10%; + font-size: small } + +P.letter {font-size: small ; + margin-left: 10% ; + margin-right: 10% } + +P.salutation {font-size: small ; + text-indent: 0%; + margin-left: 10% ; + margin-right: 10% } + +P.closing {font-size: small ; + text-indent: 0%; + margin-left: 10% ; + margin-right: 10% } + +P.footnote {font-size: small ; + text-indent: 0% ; + margin-left: 0% ; + margin-right: 0% } + +P.transnote {font-size: small ; + text-indent: 0% ; + margin-left: 0% ; + margin-right: 0% } + +P.index {font-size: small ; + text-indent: -5% ; + margin-left: 5% ; + margin-right: 0% } + +P.intro {font-size: medium ; + text-indent: -5% ; + margin-left: 5% ; + margin-right: 0% } + +P.dedication {text-indent: 0%; + margin-left: 15%; + text-align: justify } + +P.published {font-size: small ; + text-indent: 0% ; + margin-left: 15% } + +P.quote {font-size: small ; + text-indent: 4% ; + margin-left: 0% ; + margin-right: 0% } + +P.report {font-size: small ; + text-indent: 4% ; + margin-left: 0% ; + margin-right: 0% } + +P.report2 {font-size: small ; + text-indent: 4% ; + margin-left: 10% ; + margin-right: 10% } + +P.finis { text-align: center ; + text-indent: 0% ; + margin-left: 0% ; + margin-right: 0% } + +</STYLE> + +</HEAD> + +<BODY> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Parasite, by Arthur Conan Doyle + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Parasite + +Author: Arthur Conan Doyle + +Release Date: March 19, 2008 [EBook #355] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PARASITE *** + + + + + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<BR><BR> + +<H1 ALIGN="center"> +THE PARASITE +</H1> + +<H2 ALIGN="center"> +A Story +</H2> + +<BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +BY +</H3> + +<H2 ALIGN="center"> +A. CONAN DOYLE +</H2> + +<BR> + +<H4 ALIGN="center"> +AUTHOR OF "THE REFUGEES" "MICAH CLARKE" ETC. +</H4> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<H4 ALIGN="center"> +1894 +</H4> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<H2 ALIGN="center"> +CONTENTS +</H2> + +<TABLE ALIGN="center" WIDTH="100%"> +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top" WIDTH="25%"> +<A HREF="#chap01">CHAPTER I</A> +</TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top" WIDTH="25%"> +<A HREF="#chap02">CHAPTER II</A> +</TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top" WIDTH="25%"> +<A HREF="#chap03">CHAPTER III</A> +</TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top" WIDTH="25%"> +<A HREF="#chap04">CHAPTER IV</A> +</TD> +</TR> + +</TABLE> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap01"></A> +<H1 ALIGN="center"> +THE PARASITE +</H1> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +I +</H3> + +<P> +March 24. The spring is fairly with us now. Outside my laboratory +window the great chestnut-tree is all covered with the big, glutinous, +gummy buds, some of which have already begun to break into little green +shuttlecocks. As you walk down the lanes you are conscious of the +rich, silent forces of nature working all around you. The wet earth +smells fruitful and luscious. Green shoots are peeping out everywhere. +The twigs are stiff with their sap; and the moist, heavy English air is +laden with a faintly resinous perfume. Buds in the hedges, lambs +beneath them—everywhere the work of reproduction going forward! +</P> + +<P> +I can see it without, and I can feel it within. We also have our +spring when the little arterioles dilate, the lymph flows in a brisker +stream, the glands work harder, winnowing and straining. Every year +nature readjusts the whole machine. I can feel the ferment in my blood +at this very moment, and as the cool sunshine pours through my window I +could dance about in it like a gnat. So I should, only that Charles +Sadler would rush upstairs to know what was the matter. Besides, I +must remember that I am Professor Gilroy. An old professor may afford +to be natural, but when fortune has given one of the first chairs in +the university to a man of four-and-thirty he must try and act the part +consistently. +</P> + +<P> +What a fellow Wilson is! If I could only throw the same enthusiasm +into physiology that he does into psychology, I should become a Claude +Bernard at the least. His whole life and soul and energy work to one +end. He drops to sleep collating his results of the past day, and he +wakes to plan his researches for the coming one. And yet, outside the +narrow circle who follow his proceedings, he gets so little credit for +it. Physiology is a recognized science. If I add even a brick to the +edifice, every one sees and applauds it. But Wilson is trying to dig +the foundations for a science of the future. His work is underground +and does not show. Yet he goes on uncomplainingly, corresponding with +a hundred semi-maniacs in the hope of finding one reliable witness, +sifting a hundred lies on the chance of gaining one little speck of +truth, collating old books, devouring new ones, experimenting, +lecturing, trying to light up in others the fiery interest which is +consuming him. I am filled with wonder and admiration when I think of +him, and yet, when he asks me to associate myself with his researches, +I am compelled to tell him that, in their present state, they offer +little attraction to a man who is devoted to exact science. If he +could show me something positive and objective, I might then be tempted +to approach the question from its physiological side. So long as half +his subjects are tainted with charlatanerie and the other half with +hysteria we physiologists must content ourselves with the body and +leave the mind to our descendants. +</P> + +<P> +No doubt I am a materialist. Agatha says that I am a rank one. I tell +her that is an excellent reason for shortening our engagement, since I +am in such urgent need of her spirituality. And yet I may claim to be +a curious example of the effect of education upon temperament, for by +nature I am, unless I deceive myself, a highly psychic man. I was a +nervous, sensitive boy, a dreamer, a somnambulist, full of impressions +and intuitions. My black hair, my dark eyes, my thin, olive face, my +tapering fingers, are all characteristic of my real temperament, and +cause experts like Wilson to claim me as their own. But my brain is +soaked with exact knowledge. I have trained myself to deal only with +fact and with proof. Surmise and fancy have no place in my scheme of +thought. Show me what I can see with my microscope, cut with my +scalpel, weigh in my balance, and I will devote a lifetime to its +investigation. But when you ask me to study feelings, impressions, +suggestions, you ask me to do what is distasteful and even +demoralizing. A departure from pure reason affects me like an evil +smell or a musical discord. +</P> + +<P> +Which is a very sufficient reason why I am a little loath to go to +Professor Wilson's tonight. Still I feel that I could hardly get out +of the invitation without positive rudeness; and, now that Mrs. Marden +and Agatha are going, of course I would not if I could. But I had +rather meet them anywhere else. I know that Wilson would draw me into +this nebulous semi-science of his if he could. In his enthusiasm he is +perfectly impervious to hints or remonstrances. Nothing short of a +positive quarrel will make him realize my aversion to the whole +business. I have no doubt that he has some new mesmerist or +clairvoyant or medium or trickster of some sort whom he is going to +exhibit to us, for even his entertainments bear upon his hobby. Well, +it will be a treat for Agatha, at any rate. She is interested in it, +as woman usually is in whatever is vague and mystical and indefinite. +</P> + +<P> +10.50 P. M. This diary-keeping of mine is, I fancy, the outcome of +that scientific habit of mind about which I wrote this morning. I like +to register impressions while they are fresh. Once a day at least I +endeavor to define my own mental position. It is a useful piece of +self-analysis, and has, I fancy, a steadying effect upon the character. +Frankly, I must confess that my own needs what stiffening I can give +it. I fear that, after all, much of my neurotic temperament survives, +and that I am far from that cool, calm precision which characterizes +Murdoch or Pratt-Haldane. Otherwise, why should the tomfoolery which I +have witnessed this evening have set my nerves thrilling so that even +now I am all unstrung? My only comfort is that neither Wilson nor Miss +Penclosa nor even Agatha could have possibly known my weakness. +</P> + +<P> +And what in the world was there to excite me? Nothing, or so little +that it will seem ludicrous when I set it down. +</P> + +<P> +The Mardens got to Wilson's before me. In fact, I was one of the last +to arrive and found the room crowded. I had hardly time to say a word +to Mrs. Marden and to Agatha, who was looking charming in white and +pink, with glittering wheat-ears in her hair, when Wilson came +twitching at my sleeve. +</P> + +<P> +"You want something positive, Gilroy," said he, drawing me apart into a +corner. "My dear fellow, I have a phenomenon—a phenomenon!" +</P> + +<P> +I should have been more impressed had I not heard the same before. His +sanguine spirit turns every fire-fly into a star. +</P> + +<P> +"No possible question about the bona fides this time," said he, in +answer, perhaps, to some little gleam of amusement in my eyes. "My +wife has known her for many years. They both come from Trinidad, you +know. Miss Penclosa has only been in England a month or two, and knows +no one outside the university circle, but I assure you that the things +she has told us suffice in themselves to establish clairvoyance upon an +absolutely scientific basis. There is nothing like her, amateur or +professional. Come and be introduced!" +</P> + +<P> +I like none of these mystery-mongers, but the amateur least of all. +With the paid performer you may pounce upon him and expose him the +instant that you have seen through his trick. He is there to deceive +you, and you are there to find him out. But what are you to do with +the friend of your host's wife? Are you to turn on a light suddenly +and expose her slapping a surreptitious banjo? Or are you to hurl +cochineal over her evening frock when she steals round with her +phosphorus bottle and her supernatural platitude? There would be a +scene, and you would be looked upon as a brute. So you have your +choice of being that or a dupe. I was in no very good humor as I +followed Wilson to the lady. +</P> + +<P> +Any one less like my idea of a West Indian could not be imagined. She +was a small, frail creature, well over forty, I should say, with a +pale, peaky face, and hair of a very light shade of chestnut. Her +presence was insignificant and her manner retiring. In any group of +ten women she would have been the last whom one would have picked out. +Her eyes were perhaps her most remarkable, and also, I am compelled to +say, her least pleasant, feature. They were gray in color,—gray with +a shade of green,—and their expression struck me as being decidedly +furtive. I wonder if furtive is the word, or should I have said +fierce? On second thoughts, feline would have expressed it better. A +crutch leaning against the wall told me what was painfully evident when +she rose: that one of her legs was crippled. +</P> + +<P> +So I was introduced to Miss Penclosa, and it did not escape me that as +my name was mentioned she glanced across at Agatha. Wilson had +evidently been talking. And presently, no doubt, thought I, she will +inform me by occult means that I am engaged to a young lady with +wheat-ears in her hair. I wondered how much more Wilson had been +telling her about me. +</P> + +<P> +"Professor Gilroy is a terrible sceptic," said he; "I hope, Miss +Penclosa, that you will be able to convert him." +</P> + +<P> +She looked keenly up at me. +</P> + +<P> +"Professor Gilroy is quite right to be sceptical if he has not seen any +thing convincing," said she. "I should have thought," she added, "that +you would yourself have been an excellent subject." +</P> + +<P> +"For what, may I ask?" said I. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, for mesmerism, for example." +</P> + +<P> +"My experience has been that mesmerists go for their subjects to those +who are mentally unsound. All their results are vitiated, as it seems +to me, by the fact that they are dealing with abnormal organisms." +</P> + +<P> +"Which of these ladies would you say possessed a normal organism?" she +asked. "I should like you to select the one who seems to you to have +the best balanced mind. Should we say the girl in pink and +white?—Miss Agatha Marden, I think the name is." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, I should attach weight to any results from her." +</P> + +<P> +"I have never tried how far she is impressionable. Of course some +people respond much more rapidly than others. May I ask how far your +scepticism extends? I suppose that you admit the mesmeric sleep and +the power of suggestion." +</P> + +<P> +"I admit nothing, Miss Penclosa." +</P> + +<P> +"Dear me, I thought science had got further than that. Of course I +know nothing about the scientific side of it. I only know what I can +do. You see the girl in red, for example, over near the Japanese jar. +I shall will that she come across to us." +</P> + +<P> +She bent forward as she spoke and dropped her fan upon the floor. The +girl whisked round and came straight toward us, with an enquiring look +upon her face, as if some one had called her. +</P> + +<P> +"What do you think of that, Gilroy?" cried Wilson, in a kind of ecstasy. +</P> + +<P> +I did not dare to tell him what I thought of it. To me it was the most +barefaced, shameless piece of imposture that I had ever witnessed. The +collusion and the signal had really been too obvious. +</P> + +<P> +"Professor Gilroy is not satisfied," said she, glancing up at me with +her strange little eyes. "My poor fan is to get the credit of that +experiment. Well, we must try something else. Miss Marden, would you +have any objection to my putting you off?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I should love it!" cried Agatha. +</P> + +<P> +By this time all the company had gathered round us in a circle, the +shirt-fronted men, and the white-throated women, some awed, some +critical, as though it were something between a religious ceremony and +a conjurer's entertainment. A red velvet arm-chair had been pushed +into the centre, and Agatha lay back in it, a little flushed and +trembling slightly from excitement. I could see it from the vibration +of the wheat-ears. Miss Penclosa rose from her seat and stood over +her, leaning upon her crutch. +</P> + +<P> +And there was a change in the woman. She no longer seemed small or +insignificant. Twenty years were gone from her age. Her eyes were +shining, a tinge of color had come into her sallow cheeks, her whole +figure had expanded. So I have seen a dull-eyed, listless lad change +in an instant into briskness and life when given a task of which he +felt himself master. She looked down at Agatha with an expression +which I resented from the bottom of my soul—the expression with which +a Roman empress might have looked at her kneeling slave. Then with a +quick, commanding gesture she tossed up her arms and swept them slowly +down in front of her. +</P> + +<P> +I was watching Agatha narrowly. During three passes she seemed to be +simply amused. At the fourth I observed a slight glazing of her eyes, +accompanied by some dilation of her pupils. At the sixth there was a +momentary rigor. At the seventh her lids began to droop. At the tenth +her eyes were closed, and her breathing was slower and fuller than +usual. I tried as I watched to preserve my scientific calm, but a +foolish, causeless agitation convulsed me. I trust that I hid it, but +I felt as a child feels in the dark. I could not have believed that I +was still open to such weakness. +</P> + +<P> +"She is in the trance," said Miss Penclosa. +</P> + +<P> +"She is sleeping!" I cried. +</P> + +<P> +"Wake her, then!" +</P> + +<P> +I pulled her by the arm and shouted in her ear. She might have been +dead for all the impression that I could make. Her body was there on +the velvet chair. Her organs were acting—her heart, her lungs. But +her soul! It had slipped from beyond our ken. Whither had it gone? +What power had dispossessed it? I was puzzled and disconcerted. +</P> + +<P> +"So much for the mesmeric sleep," said Miss Penclosa. "As regards +suggestion, whatever I may suggest Miss Marden will infallibly do, +whether it be now or after she has awakened from her trance. Do you +demand proof of it?" +</P> + +<P> +"Certainly," said I. +</P> + +<P> +"You shall have it." I saw a smile pass over her face, as though an +amusing thought had struck her. She stooped and whispered earnestly +into her subject's ear. Agatha, who had been so deaf to me, nodded her +head as she listened. +</P> + +<P> +"Awake!" cried Miss Penclosa, with a sharp tap of her crutch upon the +floor. The eyes opened, the glazing cleared slowly away, and the soul +looked out once more after its strange eclipse. +</P> + +<P> +We went away early. Agatha was none the worse for her strange +excursion, but I was nervous and unstrung, unable to listen to or +answer the stream of comments which Wilson was pouring out for my +benefit. As I bade her good-night Miss Penclosa slipped a piece of +paper into my hand. +</P> + +<P> +"Pray forgive me," said she, "if I take means to overcome your +scepticism. Open this note at ten o'clock to-morrow morning. It is a +little private test." +</P> + +<P> +I can't imagine what she means, but there is the note, and it shall be +opened as she directs. My head is aching, and I have written enough +for to-night. To-morrow I dare say that what seems so inexplicable +will take quite another complexion. I shall not surrender my +convictions without a struggle. +</P> + +<P> +March 25. I am amazed, confounded. It is clear that I must reconsider +my opinion upon this matter. But first let me place on record what has +occurred. +</P> + +<P> +I had finished breakfast, and was looking over some diagrams with which +my lecture is to be illustrated, when my housekeeper entered to tell me +that Agatha was in my study and wished to see me immediately. I +glanced at the clock and saw with sun rise that it was only half-past +nine. +</P> + +<P> +When I entered the room, she was standing on the hearth-rug facing me. +Something in her pose chilled me and checked the words which were +rising to my lips. Her veil was half down, but I could see that she +was pale and that her expression was constrained. +</P> + +<P> +"Austin," she said, "I have come to tell you that our engagement is at +an end." +</P> + +<P> +I staggered. I believe that I literally did stagger. I know that I +found myself leaning against the bookcase for support. +</P> + +<P> +"But—but——" I stammered. "This is very sudden, Agatha." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, Austin, I have come here to tell you that our engagement is at an +end." +</P> + +<P> +"But surely," I cried, "you will give me some reason! This is unlike +you, Agatha. Tell me how I have been unfortunate enough to offend you." +</P> + +<P> +"It is all over, Austin." +</P> + +<P> +"But why? You must be under some delusion, Agatha. Perhaps you have +been told some falsehood about me. Or you may have misunderstood +something that I have said to you. Only let me know what it is, and a +word may set it all right." +</P> + +<P> +"We must consider it all at an end." +</P> + +<P> +"But you left me last night without a hint at any disagreement. What +could have occurred in the interval to change you so? It must have +been something that happened last night. You have been thinking it +over and you have disapproved of my conduct. Was it the mesmerism? +Did you blame me for letting that woman exercise her power over you? +You know that at the least sign I should have interfered." +</P> + +<P> +"It is useless, Austin. All is over:" +</P> + +<P> +Her voice was cold and measured; her manner strangely formal and hard. +It seemed to me that she was absolutely resolved not to be drawn into +any argument or explanation. As for me, I was shaking with agitation, +and I turned my face aside, so ashamed was I that she should see my +want of control. +</P> + +<P> +"You must know what this means to me!" I cried. "It is the blasting of +all my hopes and the ruin of my life! You surely will not inflict such +a punishment upon me unheard. You will let me know what is the matter. +Consider how impossible it would be for me, under any circumstances, to +treat you so. For God's sake, Agatha, let me know what I have done!" +</P> + +<P> +She walked past me without a word and opened the door. +</P> + +<P> +"It is quite useless, Austin," said she. "You must consider our +engagement at an end." An instant later she was gone, and, before I +could recover myself sufficiently to follow her, I heard the hall-door +close behind her. +</P> + +<P> +I rushed into my room to change my coat, with the idea of hurrying +round to Mrs. Marden's to learn from her what the cause of my +misfortune might be. So shaken was I that I could hardly lace my +boots. Never shall I forget those horrible ten minutes. I had just +pulled on my overcoat when the clock upon the mantel-piece struck ten. +</P> + +<P> +Ten! I associated the idea with Miss Penclosa's note. It was lying +before me on the table, and I tore it open. It was scribbled in pencil +in a peculiarly angular handwriting. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"MY DEAR PROFESSOR GILROY [it said]: Pray excuse the personal nature +of the test which I am giving you. Professor Wilson happened to +mention the relations between you and my subject of this evening, and +it struck me that nothing could be more convincing to you than if I +were to suggest to Miss Marden that she should call upon you at +half-past nine to-morrow morning and suspend your engagement for half +an hour or so. Science is so exacting that it is difficult to give a +satisfying test, but I am convinced that this at least will be an +action which she would be most unlikely to do of her own free will. +Forget any thing that she may have said, as she has really nothing +whatever to do with it, and will certainly not recollect any thing +about it. I write this note to shorten your anxiety, and to beg you to +forgive me for the momentary unhappiness which my suggestion must have +caused you.<BR> +<SPAN STYLE="margin-left: 7em">"Yours faithfully;</SPAN><BR> +<SPAN STYLE="margin-left: 15em">"HELEN PENCLOSA.</SPAN><BR> +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +Really, when I had read the note, I was too relieved to be angry. It +was a liberty. Certainly it was a very great liberty indeed on the +part of a lady whom I had only met once. But, after all, I had +challenged her by my scepticism. It may have been, as she said, a +little difficult to devise a test which would satisfy me. +</P> + +<P> +And she had done that. There could be no question at all upon the +point. For me hypnotic suggestion was finally established. It took +its place from now onward as one of the facts of life. That Agatha, +who of all women of my acquaintance has the best balanced mind, had +been reduced to a condition of automatism appeared to be certain. A +person at a distance had worked her as an engineer on the shore might +guide a Brennan torpedo. A second soul had stepped in, as it were, had +pushed her own aside, and had seized her nervous mechanism, saying: "I +will work this for half an hour." And Agatha must have been +unconscious as she came and as she returned. Could she make her way in +safety through the streets in such a state? I put on my hat and +hurried round to see if all was well with her. +</P> + +<P> +Yes. She was at home. I was shown into the drawing-room and found her +sitting with a book upon her lap. +</P> + +<P> +"You are an early visitor, Austin," said she, smiling. +</P> + +<P> +"And you have been an even earlier one," I answered. +</P> + +<P> +She looked puzzled. "What do you mean?" she asked. +</P> + +<P> +"You have not been out to-day?" +</P> + +<P> +"No, certainly not." +</P> + +<P> +"Agatha," said I seriously, "would you mind telling me exactly what you +have done this morning?" +</P> + +<P> +She laughed at my earnestness. +</P> + +<P> +"You've got on your professional look, Austin. See what comes of being +engaged to a man of science. However, I will tell you, though I can't +imagine what you want to know for. I got up at eight. I breakfasted +at half-past. I came into this room at ten minutes past nine and began +to read the 'Memoirs of Mme. de Remusat.' In a few minutes I did the +French lady the bad compliment of dropping to sleep over her pages, and +I did you, sir, the very flattering one of dreaming about you. It is +only a few minutes since I woke up." +</P> + +<P> +"And found yourself where you had been before?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why, where else should I find myself?" +</P> + +<P> +"Would you mind telling me, Agatha, what it was that you dreamed about +me? It really is not mere curiosity on my part." +</P> + +<P> +"I merely had a vague impression that you came into it. I cannot +recall any thing definite." +</P> + +<P> +"If you have not been out to-day, Agatha, how is it that your shoes are +dusty?" +</P> + +<P> +A pained look came over her face. +</P> + +<P> +"Really, Austin, I do not know what is the matter with you this +morning. One would almost think that you doubted my word. If my boots +are dusty, it must be, of course, that I have put on a pair which the +maid had not cleaned." +</P> + +<P> +It was perfectly evident that she knew nothing whatever about the +matter, and I reflected that, after all, perhaps it was better that I +should not enlighten her. It might frighten her, and could serve no +good purpose that I could see. I said no more about it, therefore, and +left shortly afterward to give my lecture. +</P> + +<P> +But I am immensely impressed. My horizon of scientific possibilities +has suddenly been enormously extended. I no longer wonder at Wilson's +demonic energy and enthusiasm. Who would not work hard who had a vast +virgin field ready to his hand? Why, I have known the novel shape of a +nucleolus, or a trifling peculiarity of striped muscular fibre seen +under a 300-diameter lens, fill me with exultation. How petty do such +researches seem when compared with this one which strikes at the very +roots of life and the nature of the soul! I had always looked upon +spirit as a product of matter. The brain, I thought, secreted the +mind, as the liver does the bile. But how can this be when I see mind +working from a distance and playing upon matter as a musician might +upon a violin? The body does not give rise to the soul, then, but is +rather the rough instrument by which the spirit manifests itself. The +windmill does not give rise to the wind, but only indicates it. It was +opposed to my whole habit of thought, and yet it was undeniably +possible and worthy of investigation. +</P> + +<P> +And why should I not investigate it? I see that under yesterday's date +I said: "If I could see something positive and objective, I might be +tempted to approach it from the physiological aspect." Well, I have +got my test. I shall be as good as my word. The investigation would, +I am sure, be of immense interest. Some of my colleagues might look +askance at it, for science is full of unreasoning prejudices, but if +Wilson has the courage of his convictions, I can afford to have it +also. I shall go to him to-morrow morning—to him and to Miss +Penclosa. If she can show us so much, it is probable that she can show +us more. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap02"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +II +</H3> + +<P> +March 26. Wilson was, as I had anticipated, very exultant over my +conversion, and Miss Penclosa was also demurely pleased at the result +of her experiment. Strange what a silent, colorless creature she is +save only when she exercises her power! Even talking about it gives +her color and life. She seems to take a singular interest in me. I +cannot help observing how her eyes follow me about the room. +</P> + +<P> +We had the most interesting conversation about her own powers. It is +just as well to put her views on record, though they cannot, of course, +claim any scientific weight. +</P> + +<P> +"You are on the very fringe of the subject," said she, when I had +expressed wonder at the remarkable instance of suggestion which she had +shown me. "I had no direct influence upon Miss Marden when she came +round to you. I was not even thinking of her that morning. What I did +was to set her mind as I might set the alarum of a clock so that at the +hour named it would go off of its own accord. If six months instead of +twelve hours had been suggested, it would have been the same." +</P> + +<P> +"And if the suggestion had been to assassinate me?" +</P> + +<P> +"She would most inevitably have done so." +</P> + +<P> +"But this is a terrible power!" I cried. +</P> + +<P> +"It is, as you say, a terrible power," she answered gravely, "and the +more you know of it the more terrible will it seem to you." +</P> + +<P> +"May I ask," said I, "what you meant when you said that this matter of +suggestion is only at the fringe of it? What do you consider the +essential?" +</P> + +<P> +"I had rather not tell you." +</P> + +<P> +I was surprised at the decision of her answer. +</P> + +<P> +"You understand," said I, "that it is not out of curiosity I ask, but +in the hope that I may find some scientific explanation for the facts +with which you furnish me." +</P> + +<P> +"Frankly, Professor Gilroy," said she, "I am not at all interested in +science, nor do I care whether it can or cannot classify these powers." +</P> + +<P> +"But I was hoping——" +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, that is quite another thing. If you make it a personal matter," +said she, with the pleasantest of smiles, "I shall be only too happy to +tell you any thing you wish to know. Let me see; what was it you asked +me? Oh, about the further powers. Professor Wilson won't believe in +them, but they are quite true all the same. For example, it is +possible for an operator to gain complete command over his subject— +presuming that the latter is a good one. Without any previous +suggestion he may make him do whatever he likes." +</P> + +<P> +"Without the subject's knowledge?" +</P> + +<P> +"That depends. If the force were strongly exerted, he would know no +more about it than Miss Marden did when she came round and frightened +you so. Or, if the influence was less powerful, he might be conscious +of what he was doing, but be quite unable to prevent himself from doing +it." +</P> + +<P> +"Would he have lost his own will power, then?" +</P> + +<P> +"It would be over-ridden by another stronger one." +</P> + +<P> +"Have you ever exercised this power yourself?" +</P> + +<P> +"Several times." +</P> + +<P> +"Is your own will so strong, then?" +</P> + +<P> +"Well, it does not entirely depend upon that. Many have strong wills +which are not detachable from themselves. The thing is to have the +gift of projecting it into another person and superseding his own. I +find that the power varies with my own strength and health." +</P> + +<P> +"Practically, you send your soul into another person's body." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, you might put it that way." +</P> + +<P> +"And what does your own body do?" +</P> + +<P> +"It merely feels lethargic." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, but is there no danger to your own health?" I asked. +</P> + +<P> +"There might be a little. You have to be careful never to let your own +consciousness absolutely go; otherwise, you might experience some +difficulty in finding your way back again. You must always preserve +the connection, as it were. I am afraid I express myself very badly, +Professor Gilroy, but of course I don't know how to put these things in +a scientific way. I am just giving you my own experiences and my own +explanations." +</P> + +<P> +Well, I read this over now at my leisure, and I marvel at myself! Is +this Austin Gilroy, the man who has won his way to the front by his +hard reasoning power and by his devotion to fact? Here I am gravely +retailing the gossip of a woman who tells me how her soul may be +projected from her body, and how, while she lies in a lethargy, she can +control the actions of people at a distance. Do I accept it? +Certainly not. She must prove and re-prove before I yield a point. +But if I am still a sceptic, I have at least ceased to be a scoffer. +We are to have a sitting this evening, and she is to try if she can +produce any mesmeric effect upon me. If she can, it will make an +excellent starting-point for our investigation. No one can accuse me, +at any rate, of complicity. If she cannot, we must try and find some +subject who will be like Caesar's wife. Wilson is perfectly impervious. +</P> + +<P> +10 P. M. I believe that I am on the threshold of an epoch-making +investigation. To have the power of examining these phenomena from +inside—to have an organism which will respond, and at the same time a +brain which will appreciate and criticise—that is surely a unique +advantage. I am quite sure that Wilson would give five years of his +life to be as susceptible as I have proved myself to be. +</P> + +<P> +There was no one present except Wilson and his wife. I was seated with +my head leaning back, and Miss Penclosa, standing in front and a little +to the left, used the same long, sweeping strokes as with Agatha. At +each of them a warm current of air seemed to strike me, and to suffuse +a thrill and glow all through me from head to foot. My eyes were fixed +upon Miss Penclosa's face, but as I gazed the features seemed to blur +and to fade away. I was conscious only of her own eyes looking down at +me, gray, deep, inscrutable. Larger they grew and larger, until they +changed suddenly into two mountain lakes toward which I seemed to be +falling with horrible rapidity. I shuddered, and as I did so some +deeper stratum of thought told me that the shudder represented the +rigor which I had observed in Agatha. An instant later I struck the +surface of the lakes, now joined into one, and down I went beneath the +water with a fulness in my head and a buzzing in my ears. Down I went, +down, down, and then with a swoop up again until I could see the light +streaming brightly through the green water. I was almost at the +surface when the word "Awake!" rang through my head, and, with a start, +I found myself back in the arm-chair, with Miss Penclosa leaning on her +crutch, and Wilson, his note book in his hand, peeping over her +shoulder. No heaviness or weariness was left behind. On the contrary, +though it is only an hour or so since the experiment, I feel so wakeful +that I am more inclined for my study than my bedroom. I see quite a +vista of interesting experiments extending before us, and am all +impatience to begin upon them. +</P> + +<P> +March 27. A blank day, as Miss Penclosa goes with Wilson and his wife +to the Suttons'. Have begun Binet and Ferre's "Animal Magnetism." +What strange, deep waters these are! Results, results, results—and +the cause an absolute mystery. It is stimulating to the imagination, +but I must be on my guard against that. Let us have no inferences nor +deductions, and nothing but solid facts. I KNOW that the mesmeric +trance is true; I KNOW that mesmeric suggestion is true; I KNOW that I +am myself sensitive to this force. That is my present position. I +have a large new note-book which shall be devoted entirely to +scientific detail. +</P> + +<P> +Long talk with Agatha and Mrs. Marden in the evening about our +marriage. We think that the summer vac. (the beginning of it) would +be the best time for the wedding. Why should we delay? I grudge even +those few months. Still, as Mrs. Marden says, there are a good many +things to be arranged. +</P> + +<P> +March 28. Mesmerized again by Miss Penclosa. Experience much the same +as before, save that insensibility came on more quickly. See Note-book +A for temperature of room, barometric pressure, pulse, and respiration +as taken by Professor Wilson. +</P> + +<P> +March 29. Mesmerized again. Details in Note-book A. +</P> + +<P> +March 30. Sunday, and a blank day. I grudge any interruption of our +experiments. At present they merely embrace the physical signs which +go with slight, with complete, and with extreme insensibility. +Afterward we hope to pass on to the phenomena of suggestion and of +lucidity. Professors have demonstrated these things upon women at +Nancy and at the Salpetriere. It will be more convincing when a woman +demonstrates it upon a professor, with a second professor as a witness. +And that I should be the subject—I, the sceptic, the materialist! At +least, I have shown that my devotion to science is greater than to my +own personal consistency. The eating of our own words is the greatest +sacrifice which truth ever requires of us. +</P> + +<P> +My neighbor, Charles Sadler, the handsome young demonstrator of +anatomy, came in this evening to return a volume of Virchow's +"Archives" which I had lent him. I call him young, but, as a matter of +fact, he is a year older than I am. +</P> + +<P> +"I understand, Gilroy," said he, "that you are being experimented upon +by Miss Penclosa." +</P> + +<P> +"Well," he went on, when I had acknowledged it, "if I were you, I +should not let it go any further. You will think me very impertinent, +no doubt, but, none the less, I feel it to be my duty to advise you to +have no more to do with her." +</P> + +<P> +Of course I asked him why. +</P> + +<P> +"I am so placed that I cannot enter into particulars as freely as I +could wish," said he. "Miss Penclosa is the friend of my friend, and +my position is a delicate one. I can only say this: that I have myself +been the subject of some of the woman's experiments, and that they have +left a most unpleasant impression upon my mind." +</P> + +<P> +He could hardly expect me to be satisfied with that, and I tried hard +to get something more definite out of him, but without success. Is it +conceivable that he could be jealous at my having superseded him? Or +is he one of those men of science who feel personally injured when +facts run counter to their preconceived opinions? He cannot seriously +suppose that because he has some vague grievance I am, therefore, to +abandon a series of experiments which promise to be so fruitful of +results. He appeared to be annoyed at the light way in which I treated +his shadowy warnings, and we parted with some little coldness on both +sides. +</P> + +<P> +March 31. Mesmerized by Miss P. +</P> + +<P> +April 1. Mesmerized by Miss P. (Note-book A.) +</P> + +<P> +April 2. Mesmerized by Miss P. (Sphygmographic chart taken by +Professor Wilson.) +</P> + +<P> +April 3. It is possible that this course of mesmerism may be a little +trying to the general constitution. Agatha says that I am thinner and +darker under the eyes. I am conscious of a nervous irritability which +I had not observed in myself before. The least noise, for example, +makes me start, and the stupidity of a student causes me exasperation +instead of amusement. Agatha wishes me to stop, but I tell her that +every course of study is trying, and that one can never attain a result +with out paying some price for it. When she sees the sensation which +my forthcoming paper on "The Relation between Mind and Matter" may +make, she will understand that it is worth a little nervous wear and +tear. I should not be surprised if I got my F. R. S. over it. +</P> + +<P> +Mesmerized again in the evening. The effect is produced more rapidly +now, and the subjective visions are less marked. I keep full notes of +each sitting. Wilson is leaving for town for a week or ten days, but +we shall not interrupt the experiments, which depend for their value as +much upon my sensations as on his observations. +</P> + +<P> +April 4. I must be carefully on my guard. A complication has crept +into our experiments which I had not reckoned upon. In my eagerness +for scientific facts I have been foolishly blind to the human relations +between Miss Penclosa and myself. I can write here what I would not +breathe to a living soul. The unhappy woman appears to have formed an +attachment for me. +</P> + +<P> +I should not say such a thing, even in the privacy of my own intimate +journal, if it had not come to such a pass that it is impossible to +ignore it. For some time,—that is, for the last week,—there have +been signs which I have brushed aside and refused to think of. Her +brightness when I come, her dejection when I go, her eagerness that I +should come often, the expression of her eyes, the tone of her voice—I +tried to think that they meant nothing, and were, perhaps, only her +ardent West Indian manner. But last night, as I awoke from the +mesmeric sleep, I put out my hand, unconsciously, involuntarily, and +clasped hers. When I came fully to myself, we were sitting with them +locked, she looking up at me with an expectant smile. And the horrible +thing was that I felt impelled to say what she expected me to say. +What a false wretch I should have been! How I should have loathed +myself to-day had I yielded to the temptation of that moment! But, +thank God, I was strong enough to spring up and hurry from the room. I +was rude, I fear, but I could not, no, I COULD not, trust myself +another moment. I, a gentleman, a man of honor, engaged to one of the +sweetest girls in England—and yet in a moment of reasonless passion I +nearly professed love for this woman whom I hardly know. She is far +older than myself and a cripple. It is monstrous, odious; and yet the +impulse was so strong that, had I stayed another minute in her +presence, I should have committed myself. What was it? I have to +teach others the workings of our organism, and what do I know of it +myself? Was it the sudden upcropping of some lower stratum in my +nature—a brutal primitive instinct suddenly asserting itself? I could +almost believe the tales of obsession by evil spirits, so overmastering +was the feeling. +</P> + +<P> +Well, the incident places me in a most unfortunate position. On the +one hand, I am very loath to abandon a series of experiments which have +already gone so far, and which promise such brilliant results. On the +other, if this unhappy woman has conceived a passion for me—— But +surely even now I must have made some hideous mistake. She, with her +age and her deformity! It is impossible. And then she knew about +Agatha. She understood how I was placed. She only smiled out of +amusement, perhaps, when in my dazed state I seized her hand. It was +my half-mesmerized brain which gave it a meaning, and sprang with such +bestial swiftness to meet it. I wish I could persuade myself that it +was indeed so. On the whole, perhaps, my wisest plan would be to +postpone our other experiments until Wilson's return. I have written a +note to Miss Penclosa, therefore, making no allusion to last night, but +saying that a press of work would cause me to interrupt our sittings +for a few days. She has answered, formally enough, to say that if I +should change my mind I should find her at home at the usual hour. +</P> + +<P> +10 P. M. Well, well, what a thing of straw I am! I am coming to know +myself better of late, and the more I know the lower I fall in my own +estimation. Surely I was not always so weak as this. At four o'clock +I should have smiled had any one told me that I should go to Miss +Penclosa's to-night, and yet, at eight, I was at Wilson's door as +usual. I don't know how it occurred. The influence of habit, I +suppose. Perhaps there is a mesmeric craze as there is an opium craze, +and I am a victim to it. I only know that as I worked in my study I +became more and more uneasy. I fidgeted. I worried. I could not +concentrate my mind upon the papers in front of me. And then, at last, +almost before I knew what I was doing, I seized my hat and hurried +round to keep my usual appointment. +</P> + +<P> +We had an interesting evening. Mrs. Wilson was present during most of +the time, which prevented the embarrassment which one at least of us +must have felt. Miss Penclosa's manner was quite the same as usual, +and she expressed no surprise at my having come in spite of my note. +There was nothing in her bearing to show that yesterday's incident had +made any impression upon her, and so I am inclined to hope that I +overrated it. +</P> + +<P> +April 6 (evening). No, no, no, I did not overrate it. I can no longer +attempt to conceal from myself that this woman has conceived a passion +for me. It is monstrous, but it is true. Again, tonight, I awoke from +the mesmeric trance to find my hand in hers, and to suffer that odious +feeling which urges me to throw away my honor, my career, every thing, +for the sake of this creature who, as I can plainly see when I am away +from her influence, possesses no single charm upon earth. But when I +am near her, I do not feel this. She rouses something in me, something +evil, something I had rather not think of. She paralyzes my better +nature, too, at the moment when she stimulates my worse. Decidedly it +is not good for me to be near her. +</P> + +<P> +Last night was worse than before. Instead of flying I actually sat for +some time with my hand in hers talking over the most intimate subjects +with her. We spoke of Agatha, among other things. What could I have +been dreaming of? Miss Penclosa said that she was conventional, and I +agreed with her. She spoke once or twice in a disparaging way of her, +and I did not protest. What a creature I have been! +</P> + +<P> +Weak as I have proved myself to be, I am still strong enough to bring +this sort of thing to an end. It shall not happen again. I have sense +enough to fly when I cannot fight. From this Sunday night onward I +shall never sit with Miss Penclosa again. Never! Let the experiments +go, let the research come to an end; any thing is better than facing +this monstrous temptation which drags me so low. I have said nothing +to Miss Penclosa, but I shall simply stay away. She can tell the +reason without any words of mine. +</P> + +<P> +April 7. Have stayed away as I said. It is a pity to ruin such an +interesting investigation, but it would be a greater pity still to ruin +my life, and I KNOW that I cannot trust myself with that woman. +</P> + +<P> +11 P. M. God help me! What is the matter with me? Am I going mad? +Let me try and be calm and reason with myself. First of all I shall +set down exactly what occurred. +</P> + +<P> +It was nearly eight when I wrote the lines with which this day begins. +Feeling strangely restless and uneasy, I left my rooms and walked round +to spend the evening with Agatha and her mother. They both remarked +that I was pale and haggard. About nine Professor Pratt-Haldane came +in, and we played a game of whist. I tried hard to concentrate my +attention upon the cards, but the feeling of restlessness grew and grew +until I found it impossible to struggle against it. I simply COULD not +sit still at the table. At last, in the very middle of a hand, I threw +my cards down and, with some sort of an incoherent apology about having +an appointment, I rushed from the room. As if in a dream I have a +vague recollection of tearing through the hall, snatching my hat from +the stand, and slamming the door behind me. As in a dream, too, I have +the impression of the double line of gas-lamps, and my bespattered +boots tell me that I must have run down the middle of the road. It was +all misty and strange and unnatural. I came to Wilson's house; I saw +Mrs. Wilson and I saw Miss Penclosa. I hardly recall what we talked +about, but I do remember that Miss P. shook the head of her crutch at +me in a playful way, and accused me of being late and of losing +interest in our experiments. There was no mesmerism, but I stayed some +time and have only just returned. +</P> + +<P> +My brain is quite clear again now, and I can think over what has +occurred. It is absurd to suppose that it is merely weakness and force +of habit. I tried to explain it in that way the other night, but it +will no longer suffice. It is something much deeper and more terrible +than that. Why, when I was at the Mardens' whist-table, I was dragged +away as if the noose of a rope had been cast round me. I can no longer +disguise it from myself. The woman has her grip upon me. I am in her +clutch. But I must keep my head and reason it out and see what is best +to be done. +</P> + +<P> +But what a blind fool I have been! In my enthusiasm over my research I +have walked straight into the pit, although it lay gaping before me. +Did she not herself warn me? Did she not tell me, as I can read in my +own journal, that when she has acquired power over a subject she can +make him do her will? And she has acquired that power over me. I am +for the moment at the beck and call of this creature with the crutch. +I must come when she wills it. I must do as she wills. Worst of all, +I must feel as she wills. I loathe her and fear her, yet, while I am +under the spell, she can doubtless make me love her. +</P> + +<P> +There is some consolation in the thought, then, that those odious +impulses for which I have blamed myself do not really come from me at +all. They are all transferred from her, little as I could have guessed +it at the time. I feel cleaner and lighter for the thought. +</P> + +<P> +April 8. Yes, now, in broad daylight, writing coolly and with time for +reflection, I am compelled to confirm every thing which I wrote in my +journal last night. I am in a horrible position, but, above all, I +must not lose my head. I must pit my intellect against her powers. +After all, I am no silly puppet, to dance at the end of a string. I +have energy, brains, courage. For all her devil's tricks I may beat +her yet. May! I MUST, or what is to become of me? +</P> + +<P> +Let me try to reason it out! This woman, by her own explanation, can +dominate my nervous organism. She can project herself into my body and +take command of it. She has a parasite soul; yes, she is a parasite, a +monstrous parasite. She creeps into my frame as the hermit crab does +into the whelk's shell. I am powerless What can I do? I am dealing +with forces of which I know nothing. And I can tell no one of my +trouble. They would set me down as a madman. Certainly, if it got +noised abroad, the university would say that they had no need of a +devil-ridden professor. And Agatha! No, no, I must face it alone. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap03"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +III +</H3> + +<P> +I read over my notes of what the woman said when she spoke about her +powers. There is one point which fills me with dismay. She implies +that when the influence is slight the subject knows what he is doing, +but cannot control himself, whereas when it is strongly exerted he is +absolutely unconscious. Now, I have always known what I did, though +less so last night than on the previous occasions. That seems to mean +that she has never yet exerted her full powers upon me. Was ever a man +so placed before? +</P> + +<P> +Yes, perhaps there was, and very near me, too. Charles Sadler must +know something of this! His vague words of warning take a meaning now. +Oh, if I had only listened to him then, before I helped by these +repeated sittings to forge the links of the chain which binds me! But +I will see him to-day. I will apologize to him for having treated his +warning so lightly. I will see if he can advise me. +</P> + +<P> +4 P. M. No, he cannot. I have talked with him, and he showed such +surprise at the first words in which I tried to express my unspeakable +secret that I went no further. As far as I can gather (by hints and +inferences rather than by any statement), his own experience was +limited to some words or looks such as I have myself endured. His +abandonment of Miss Penclosa is in itself a sign that he was never +really in her toils. Oh, if he only knew his escape! He has to thank +his phlegmatic Saxon temperament for it. I am black and Celtic, and +this hag's clutch is deep in my nerves. Shall I ever get it out? +Shall I ever be the same man that I was just one short fortnight ago? +</P> + +<P> +Let me consider what I had better do. I cannot leave the university in +the middle of the term. If I were free, my course would be obvious. I +should start at once and travel in Persia. But would she allow me to +start? And could her influence not reach me in Persia, and bring me +back to within touch of her crutch? I can only find out the limits of +this hellish power by my own bitter experience. I will fight and fight +and fight—and what can I do more? +</P> + +<P> +I know very well that about eight o'clock to-night that craving for her +society, that irresistible restlessness, will come upon me. How shall +I overcome it? What shall I do? I must make it impossible for me to +leave the room. I shall lock the door and throw the key out of the +window. But, then, what am I to do in the morning? Never mind about +the morning. I must at all costs break this chain which holds me. +</P> + +<P> +April 9. Victory! I have done splendidly! At seven o'clock last +night I took a hasty dinner, and then locked myself up in my bedroom +and dropped the key into the garden. I chose a cheery novel, and lay +in bed for three hours trying to read it, but really in a horrible +state of trepidation, expecting every instant that I should become +conscious of the impulse. Nothing of the sort occurred, however, and I +awoke this morning with the feeling that a black nightmare had been +lifted off me. Perhaps the creature realized what I had done, and +understood that it was useless to try to influence me. At any rate, I +have beaten her once, and if I can do it once, I can do it again. +</P> + +<P> +It was most awkward about the key in the morning. Luckily, there was +an under-gardener below, and I asked him to throw it up. No doubt he +thought I had just dropped it. I will have doors and windows screwed +up and six stout men to hold me down in my bed before I will surrender +myself to be hag-ridden in this way. +</P> + +<P> +I had a note from Mrs. Marden this afternoon asking me to go round and +see her. I intended to do so in any case, but had not excepted to find +bad news waiting for me. It seems that the Armstrongs, from whom +Agatha has expectations, are due home from Adelaide in the Aurora, and +that they have written to Mrs. Marden and her to meet them in town. +They will probably be away for a month or six weeks, and, as the Aurora +is due on Wednesday, they must go at once—to-morrow, if they are ready +in time. My consolation is that when we meet again there will be no +more parting between Agatha and me. +</P> + +<P> +"I want you to do one thing, Agatha," said I, when we were alone +together. "If you should happen to meet Miss Penclosa, either in town +or here, you must promise me never again to allow her to mesmerize you." +</P> + +<P> +Agatha opened her eyes. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, it was only the other day that you were saying how interesting it +all was, and how determined you were to finish your experiments." +</P> + +<P> +"I know, but I have changed my mind since then." +</P> + +<P> +"And you won't have it any more?" +</P> + +<P> +"No." +</P> + +<P> +"I am so glad, Austin. You can't think how pale and worn you have been +lately. It was really our principal objection to going to London now +that we did not wish to leave you when you were so pulled down. And +your manner has been so strange occasionally—especially that night +when you left poor Professor Pratt-Haldane to play dummy. I am +convinced that these experiments are very bad for your nerves." +</P> + +<P> +"I think so, too, dear." +</P> + +<P> +"And for Miss Penclosa's nerves as well. You have heard that she is +ill?" +</P> + +<P> +"No." +</P> + +<P> +"Mrs. Wilson told us so last night. She described it as a nervous +fever. Professor Wilson is coming back this week, and of course Mrs. +Wilson is very anxious that Miss Penclosa should be well again then, +for he has quite a programme of experiments which he is anxious to +carry out." +</P> + +<P> +I was glad to have Agatha's promise, for it was enough that this woman +should have one of us in her clutch. On the other hand, I was +disturbed to hear about Miss Penclosa's illness. It rather discounts +the victory which I appeared to win last night. I remember that she +said that loss of health interfered with her power. That may be why I +was able to hold my own so easily. Well, well, I must take the same +precautions to-night and see what comes of it. I am childishly +frightened when I think of her. +</P> + +<P> +April 10. All went very well last night. I was amused at the +gardener's face when I had again to hail him this morning and to ask +him to throw up my key. I shall get a name among the servants if this +sort of thing goes on. But the great point is that I stayed in my room +without the slightest inclination to leave it. I do believe that I am +shaking myself clear of this incredible bond—or is it only that the +woman's power is in abeyance until she recovers her strength? I can +but pray for the best. +</P> + +<P> +The Mardens left this morning, and the brightness seems to have gone +out of the spring sunshine. And yet it is very beautiful also as it +gleams on the green chestnuts opposite my windows, and gives a touch of +gayety to the heavy, lichen-mottled walls of the old colleges. How +sweet and gentle and soothing is Nature! Who would think that there +lurked in her also such vile forces, such odious possibilities! For of +course I understand that this dreadful thing which has sprung out at me +is neither supernatural nor even preternatural. No, it is a natural +force which this woman can use and society is ignorant of. The mere +fact that it ebbs with her strength shows how entirely it is subject to +physical laws. If I had time, I might probe it to the bottom and lay +my hands upon its antidote. But you cannot tame the tiger when you are +beneath his claws. You can but try to writhe away from him. Ah, when +I look in the glass and see my own dark eyes and clear-cut Spanish +face, I long for a vitriol splash or a bout of the small-pox. One or +the other might have saved me from this calamity. +</P> + +<P> +I am inclined to think that I may have trouble to-night. There are two +things which make me fear so. One is that I met Mrs. Wilson in the +street, and that she tells me that Miss Penclosa is better, though +still weak. I find myself wishing in my heart that the illness had +been her last. The other is that Professor Wilson comes back in a day +or two, and his presence would act as a constraint upon her. I should +not fear our interviews if a third person were present. For both these +reasons I have a presentiment of trouble to-night, and I shall take the +same precautions as before. +</P> + +<P> +April 10. No, thank God, all went well last night. I really could not +face the gardener again. I locked my door and thrust the key +underneath it, so that I had to ask the maid to let me out in the +morning. But the precaution was really not needed, for I never had any +inclination to go out at all. Three evenings in succession at home! I +am surely near the end of my troubles, for Wilson will be home again +either today or tomorrow. Shall I tell him of what I have gone through +or not? I am convinced that I should not have the slightest sympathy +from him. He would look upon me as an interesting case, and read a +paper about me at the next meeting of the Psychical Society, in which +he would gravely discuss the possibility of my being a deliberate liar, +and weigh it against the chances of my being in an early stage of +lunacy. No, I shall get no comfort out of Wilson. +</P> + +<P> +I am feeling wonderfully fit and well. I don't think I ever lectured +with greater spirit. Oh, if I could only get this shadow off my life, +how happy I should be! Young, fairly wealthy, in the front rank of my +profession, engaged to a beautiful and charming girl—have I not every +thing which a man could ask for? Only one thing to trouble me, but +what a thing it is! +</P> + +<P> +Midnight. I shall go mad. Yes, that will be the end of it. I shall +go mad. I am not far from it now. My head throbs as I rest it on my +hot hand. I am quivering all over like a scared horse. Oh, what a +night I have had! And yet I have some cause to be satisfied also. +</P> + +<P> +At the risk of becoming the laughing-stock of my own servant, I again +slipped my key under the door, imprisoning myself for the night. Then, +finding it too early to go to bed, I lay down with my clothes on and +began to read one of Dumas's novels. Suddenly I was gripped—gripped +and dragged from the couch. It is only thus that I can describe the +overpowering nature of the force which pounced upon me. I clawed at +the coverlet. I clung to the wood-work. I believe that I screamed out +in my frenzy. It was all useless, hopeless. I MUST go. There was no +way out of it. It was only at the outset that I resisted. The force +soon became too overmastering for that. I thank goodness that there +were no watchers there to interfere with me. I could not have answered +for myself if there had been. And, besides the determination to get +out, there came to me, also, the keenest and coolest judgment in +choosing my means. I lit a candle and endeavored, kneeling in front of +the door, to pull the key through with the feather-end of a quill pen. +It was just too short and pushed it further away. Then with quiet +persistence I got a paper-knife out of one of the drawers, and with +that I managed to draw the key back. I opened the door, stepped into +my study, took a photograph of myself from the bureau, wrote something +across it, placed it in the inside pocket of my coat, and then started +off for Wilson's. +</P> + +<P> +It was all wonderfully clear, and yet disassociated from the rest of my +life, as the incidents of even the most vivid dream might be. A +peculiar double consciousness possessed me. There was the predominant +alien will, which was bent upon drawing me to the side of its owner, +and there was the feebler protesting personality, which I recognized as +being myself, tugging feebly at the overmastering impulse as a led +terrier might at its chain. I can remember recognizing these two +conflicting forces, but I recall nothing of my walk, nor of how I was +admitted to the house. +</P> + +<P> +Very vivid, however, is my recollection of how I met Miss Penclosa. +She was reclining on the sofa in the little boudoir in which our +experiments had usually been carried out. Her head was rested on her +hand, and a tiger-skin rug had been partly drawn over her. She looked +up expectantly as I entered, and, as the lamp-light fell upon her face, +I could see that she was very pale and thin, with dark hollows under +her eyes. She smiled at me, and pointed to a stool beside her. It was +with her left hand that she pointed, and I, running eagerly forward, +seized it,—I loathe myself as I think of it,—and pressed it +passionately to my lips. Then, seating myself upon the stool, and +still retaining her hand, I gave her the photograph which I had brought +with me, and talked and talked and talked—of my love for her, of my +grief over her illness, of my joy at her recovery, of the misery it was +to me to be absent a single evening from her side. She lay quietly +looking down at me with imperious eyes and her provocative smile. Once +I remember that she passed her hand over my hair as one caresses a dog; +and it gave me pleasure—the caress. I thrilled under it. I was her +slave, body and soul, and for the moment I rejoiced in my slavery. +</P> + +<P> +And then came the blessed change. Never tell me that there is not a +Providence! I was on the brink of perdition. My feet were on the +edge. Was it a coincidence that at that very instant help should come? +No, no, no; there is a Providence, and its hand has drawn me back. +There is something in the universe stronger than this devil woman with +her tricks. Ah, what a balm to my heart it is to think so! +</P> + +<P> +As I looked up at her I was conscious of a change in her. Her face, +which had been pale before, was now ghastly. Her eyes were dull, and +the lids drooped heavily over them. Above all, the look of serene +confidence had gone from her features. Her mouth had weakened. Her +forehead had puckered. She was frightened and undecided. And as I +watched the change my own spirit fluttered and struggled, trying hard +to tear itself from the grip which held it—a grip which, from moment +to moment, grew less secure. +</P> + +<P> +"Austin," she whispered, "I have tried to do too much. I was not +strong enough. I have not recovered yet from my illness. But I could +not live longer without seeing you. You won't leave me, Austin? This +is only a passing weakness. If you will only give me five minutes, I +shall be myself again. Give me the small decanter from the table in +the window." +</P> + +<P> +But I had regained my soul. With her waning strength the influence had +cleared away from me and left me free. And I was aggressive—bitterly, +fiercely aggressive. For once at least I could make this woman +understand what my real feelings toward her were. My soul was filled +with a hatred as bestial as the love against which it was a reaction. +It was the savage, murderous passion of the revolted serf. I could +have taken the crutch from her side and beaten her face in with it. +She threw her hands up, as if to avoid a blow, and cowered away from me +into the corner of the settee. +</P> + +<P> +"The brandy!" she gasped. "The brandy!" +</P> + +<P> +I took the decanter and poured it over the roots of a palm in the +window. Then I snatched the photograph from her hand and tore it into +a hundred pieces. +</P> + +<P> +"You vile woman," I said, "if I did my duty to society, you would never +leave this room alive!" +</P> + +<P> +"I love you, Austin; I love you!" she wailed. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," I cried, "and Charles Sadler before. And how many others before +that?" +</P> + +<P> +"Charles Sadler!" she gasped. "He has spoken to you? So, Charles +Sadler, Charles Sadler!" Her voice came through her white lips like a +snake's hiss. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, I know you, and others shall know you, too. You shameless +creature! You knew how I stood. And yet you used your vile power to +bring me to your side. You may, perhaps, do so again, but at least you +will remember that you have heard me say that I love Miss Marden from +the bottom of my soul, and that I loathe you, abhor you! +</P> + +<P> +"The very sight of you and the sound of your voice fill me with horror +and disgust. The thought of you is repulsive. That is how I feel +toward you, and if it pleases you by your tricks to draw me again to +your side as you have done to-night, you will at least, I should think, +have little satisfaction in trying to make a lover out of a man who has +told you his real opinion of you. You may put what words you will into +my mouth, but you cannot help remembering——" +</P> + +<P> +I stopped, for the woman's head had fallen back, and she had fainted. +She could not bear to hear what I had to say to her! What a glow of +satisfaction it gives me to think that, come what may, in the future +she can never misunderstand my true feelings toward her. But what will +occur in the future? What will she do next? I dare not think of it. +Oh, if only I could hope that she will leave me alone! But when I +think of what I said to her—— Never mind; I have been stronger than +she for once. +</P> + +<P> +April 11. I hardly slept last night, and found myself in the morning +so unstrung and feverish that I was compelled to ask Pratt-Haldane to +do my lecture for me. It is the first that I have ever missed. I rose +at mid-day, but my head is aching, my hands quivering, and my nerves in +a pitiable state. +</P> + +<P> +Who should come round this evening but Wilson. He has just come back +from London, where he has lectured, read papers, convened meetings, +exposed a medium, conducted a series of experiments on thought +transference, entertained Professor Richet of Paris, spent hours gazing +into a crystal, and obtained some evidence as to the passage of matter +through matter. All this he poured into my ears in a single gust. +</P> + +<P> +"But you!" he cried at last. "You are not looking well. And Miss +Penclosa is quite prostrated to-day. How about the experiments?" +</P> + +<P> +"I have abandoned them." +</P> + +<P> +"Tut, tut! Why?" +</P> + +<P> +"The subject seems to me to be a dangerous one." +</P> + +<P> +Out came his big brown note-book. +</P> + +<P> +"This is of great interest," said he. "What are your grounds for +saying that it is a dangerous one? Please give your facts in +chronological order, with approximate dates and names of reliable +witnesses with their permanent addresses." +</P> + +<P> +"First of all," I asked, "would you tell me whether you have collected +any cases where the mesmerist has gained a command over the subject and +has used it for evil purposes?" +</P> + +<P> +"Dozens!" he cried exultantly. "Crime by suggestion——" +</P> + +<P> +"I don't mean suggestion. I mean where a sudden impulse comes from a +person at a distance—an uncontrollable impulse." +</P> + +<P> +"Obsession!" he shrieked, in an ecstasy of delight. "It is the rarest +condition. We have eight cases, five well attested. You don't mean to +say——" His exultation made him hardly articulate. +</P> + +<P> +"No, I don't," said I. "Good-evening! You will excuse me, but I am +not very well to-night." And so at last I got rid of him, still +brandishing his pencil and his note-book. My troubles may be bad to +hear, but at least it is better to hug them to myself than to have +myself exhibited by Wilson, like a freak at a fair. He has lost sight +of human beings. Every thing to him is a case and a phenomenon. I +will die before I speak to him again upon the matter. +</P> + +<P> +April 12. Yesterday was a blessed day of quiet, and I enjoyed an +uneventful night. Wilson's presence is a great consolation. What can +the woman do now? Surely, when she has heard me say what I have said, +she will conceive the same disgust for me which I have for her. She +could not, no, she COULD not, desire to have a lover who had insulted +her so. No, I believe I am free from her love—but how about her hate? +Might she not use these powers of hers for revenge? Tut! why should I +frighten myself over shadows? She will forget about me, and I shall +forget about her, and all will be well. +</P> + +<P> +April 13. My nerves have quite recovered their tone. I really believe +that I have conquered the creature. But I must confess to living in +some suspense. She is well again, for I hear that she was driving with +Mrs. Wilson in the High Street in the afternoon. +</P> + +<P> +April 14. I do wish I could get away from the place altogether. I +shall fly to Agatha's side the very day that the term closes. I +suppose it is pitiably weak of me, but this woman gets upon my nerves +most terribly. I have seen her again, and I have spoken with her. +</P> + +<P> +It was just after lunch, and I was smoking a cigarette in my study, +when I heard the step of my servant Murray in the passage. I was +languidly conscious that a second step was audible behind, and had +hardly troubled myself to speculate who it might be, when suddenly a +slight noise brought me out of my chair with my skin creeping with +apprehension. I had never particularly observed before what sort of +sound the tapping of a crutch was, but my quivering nerves told me that +I heard it now in the sharp wooden clack which alternated with the +muffled thud of the foot fall. Another instant and my servant had +shown her in. +</P> + +<P> +I did not attempt the usual conventions of society, nor did she. I +simply stood with the smouldering cigarette in my hand, and gazed at +her. She in her turn looked silently at me, and at her look I +remembered how in these very pages I had tried to define the expression +of her eyes, whether they were furtive or fierce. To-day they were +fierce—coldly and inexorably so. +</P> + +<P> +"Well," said she at last, "are you still of the same mind as when I saw +you last?" +</P> + +<P> +"I have always been of the same mind." +</P> + +<P> +"Let us understand each other, Professor Gilroy," said she slowly. "I +am not a very safe person to trifle with, as you should realize by now. +It was you who asked me to enter into a series of experiments with you, +it was you who won my affections, it was you who professed your love +for me, it was you who brought me your own photograph with words of +affection upon it, and, finally, it was you who on the very same +evening thought fit to insult me most outrageously, addressing me as no +man has ever dared to speak to me yet. Tell me that those words came +from you in a moment of passion and I am prepared to forget and to +forgive them. You did not mean what you said, Austin? You do not +really hate me?" +</P> + +<P> +I might have pitied this deformed woman—such a longing for love broke +suddenly through the menace of her eyes. But then I thought of what I +had gone through, and my heart set like flint. +</P> + +<P> +"If ever you heard me speak of love," said I, "you know very well that +it was your voice which spoke, and not mine. The only words of truth +which I have ever been able to say to you are those which you heard +when last we met." +</P> + +<P> +"I know. Some one has set you against me. It was he!" She tapped with +her crutch upon the floor. "Well, you know very well that I could +bring you this instant crouching like a spaniel to my feet. You will +not find me again in my hour of weakness, when you can insult me with +impunity. Have a care what you are doing, Professor Gilroy. You stand +in a terrible position. You have not yet realized the hold which I +have upon you." +</P> + +<P> +I shrugged my shoulders and turned away. +</P> + +<P> +"Well," said she, after a pause, "if you despise my love, I must see +what can be done with fear. You smile, but the day will come when you +will come screaming to me for pardon. Yes, you will grovel on the +ground before me, proud as you are, and you will curse the day that +ever you turned me from your best friend into your most bitter enemy. +Have a care, Professor Gilroy!" I saw a white hand shaking in the air, +and a face which was scarcely human, so convulsed was it with passion. +An instant later she was gone, and I heard the quick hobble and tap +receding down the passage. +</P> + +<P> +But she has left a weight upon my heart. Vague presentiments of coming +misfortune lie heavy upon me. I try in vain to persuade myself that +these are only words of empty anger. I can remember those relentless +eyes too clearly to think so. What shall I do—ah, what shall I do? I +am no longer master of my own soul. At any moment this loathsome +parasite may creep into me, and then—— I must tell some one my +hideous secret—I must tell it or go mad. If I had some one to +sympathize and advise! Wilson is out of the question. Charles Sadler +would understand me only so far as his own experience carries him. +Pratt-Haldane! He is a well-balanced man, a man of great common-sense +and resource. I will go to him. I will tell him every thing. God +grant that he may be able to advise me! +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap04"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +IV +</H3> + +<P> +6.45 P. M. No, it is useless. There is no human help for me; I must +fight this out single-handed. Two courses lie before me. I might +become this woman's lover. Or I must endure such persecutions as she +can inflict upon me. Even if none come, I shall live in a hell of +apprehension. But she may torture me, she may drive me mad, she may +kill me: I will never, never, never give in. What can she inflict +which would be worse than the loss of Agatha, and the knowledge that I +am a perjured liar, and have forfeited the name of gentleman? +</P> + +<P> +Pratt-Haldane was most amiable, and listened with all politeness to my +story. But when I looked at his heavy set features, his slow eyes, and +the ponderous study furniture which surrounded him, I could hardly tell +him what I had come to say. It was all so substantial, so material. +And, besides, what would I myself have said a short month ago if one of +my colleagues had come to me with a story of demonic possession? +Perhaps. I should have been less patient than he was. As it was, he +took notes of my statement, asked me how much tea I drank, how many +hours I slept, whether I had been overworking much, had I had sudden +pains in the head, evil dreams, singing in the ears, flashes before the +eyes—all questions which pointed to his belief that brain congestion +was at the bottom of my trouble. Finally he dismissed me with a great +many platitudes about open-air exercise, and avoidance of nervous +excitement. His prescription, which was for chloral and bromide, I +rolled up and threw into the gutter. +</P> + +<P> +No, I can look for no help from any human being. If I consult any +more, they may put their heads together and I may find myself in an +asylum. I can but grip my courage with both hands, and pray that an +honest man may not be abandoned. +</P> + +<P> +April 10. It is the sweetest spring within the memory of man. So +green, so mild, so beautiful! Ah, what a contrast between nature +without and my own soul so torn with doubt and terror! It has been an +uneventful day, but I know that I am on the edge of an abyss. I know +it, and yet I go on with the routine of my life. The one bright spot +is that Agatha is happy and well and out of all danger. If this +creature had a hand on each of us, what might she not do? +</P> + +<P> +April 16. The woman is ingenious in her torments. She knows how fond +I am of my work, and how highly my lectures are thought of. So it is +from that point that she now attacks me. It will end, I can see, in my +losing my professorship, but I will fight to the finish. She shall not +drive me out of it without a struggle. +</P> + +<P> +I was not conscious of any change during my lecture this morning save +that for a minute or two I had a dizziness and swimminess which rapidly +passed away. On the contrary, I congratulated myself upon having made +my subject (the functions of the red corpuscles) both interesting and +clear. I was surprised, therefore, when a student came into my +laboratory immediately after the lecture, and complained of being +puzzled by the discrepancy between my statements and those in the text +books. He showed me his note-book, in which I was reported as having +in one portion of the lecture championed the most outrageous and +unscientific heresies. Of course I denied it, and declared that he had +misunderstood me, but on comparing his notes with those of his +companions, it became clear that he was right, and that I really had +made some most preposterous statements. Of course I shall explain it +away as being the result of a moment of aberration, but I feel only too +sure that it will be the first of a series. It is but a month now to +the end of the session, and I pray that I may be able to hold out until +then. +</P> + +<P> +April 26. Ten days have elapsed since I have had the heart to make any +entry in my journal. Why should I record my own humiliation and +degradation? I had vowed never to open it again. And yet the force of +habit is strong, and here I find myself taking up once more the record +of my own dreadful experiences—in much the same spirit in which a +suicide has been known to take notes of the effects of the poison which +killed him. +</P> + +<P> +Well, the crash which I had foreseen has come—and that no further back +than yesterday. The university authorities have taken my lectureship +from me. It has been done in the most delicate way, purporting to be a +temporary measure to relieve me from the effects of overwork, and to +give me the opportunity of recovering my health. None the less, it has +been done, and I am no longer Professor Gilroy. The laboratory is +still in my charge, but I have little doubt that that also will soon go. +</P> + +<P> +The fact is that my lectures had become the laughing-stock of the +university. My class was crowded with students who came to see and +hear what the eccentric professor would do or say next. I cannot go +into the detail of my humiliation. Oh, that devilish woman! There is +no depth of buffoonery and imbecility to which she has not forced me. +I would begin my lecture clearly and well, but always with the sense of +a coming eclipse. Then as I felt the influence I would struggle +against it, striving with clenched hands and beads of sweat upon my +brow to get the better of it, while the students, hearing my incoherent +words and watching my contortions, would roar with laughter at the +antics of their professor. And then, when she had once fairly mastered +me, out would come the most outrageous things—silly jokes, sentiments +as though I were proposing a toast, snatches of ballads, personal abuse +even against some member of my class. And then in a moment my brain +would clear again, and my lecture would proceed decorously to the end. +No wonder that my conduct has been the talk of the colleges. No wonder +that the University Senate has been compelled to take official notice +of such a scandal. Oh, that devilish woman! +</P> + +<P> +And the most dreadful part of it all is my own loneliness. Here I sit +in a commonplace English bow-window, looking out upon a commonplace +English street with its garish 'buses and its lounging policeman, and +behind me there hangs a shadow which is out of all keeping with the age +and place. In the home of knowledge I am weighed down and tortured by +a power of which science knows nothing. No magistrate would listen to +me. No paper would discuss my case. No doctor would believe my +symptoms. My own most intimate friends would only look upon it as a +sign of brain derangement. I am out of all touch with my kind. Oh, +that devilish woman! Let her have a care! She may push me too far. +When the law cannot help a man, he may make a law for himself. +</P> + +<P> +She met me in the High Street yesterday evening and spoke to me. It +was as well for her, perhaps, that it was not between the hedges of a +lonely country road. She asked me with her cold smile whether I had +been chastened yet. I did not deign to answer her. "We must try +another turn of the screw;" said she. Have a care, my lady, have a +care! I had her at my mercy once. Perhaps another chance may come. +</P> + +<P> +April 28. The suspension of my lectureship has had the effect also of +taking away her means of annoying me, and so I have enjoyed two blessed +days of peace. After all, there is no reason to despair. Sympathy +pours in to me from all sides, and every one agrees that it is my +devotion to science and the arduous nature of my researches which have +shaken my nervous system. I have had the kindest message from the +council advising me to travel abroad, and expressing the confident hope +that I may be able to resume all my duties by the beginning of the +summer term. Nothing could be more flattering than their allusions to +my career and to my services to the university. It is only in +misfortune that one can test one's own popularity. This creature may +weary of tormenting me, and then all may yet be well. May God grant it! +</P> + +<P> +April 29. Our sleepy little town has had a small sensation. The only +knowledge of crime which we ever have is when a rowdy undergraduate +breaks a few lamps or comes to blows with a policeman. Last night, +however, there was an attempt made to break-into the branch of the Bank +of England, and we are all in a flutter in consequence. +</P> + +<P> +Parkenson, the manager, is an intimate friend of mine, and I found him +very much excited when I walked round there after breakfast. Had the +thieves broken into the counting-house, they would still have had the +safes to reckon with, so that the defence was considerably stronger +than the attack. Indeed, the latter does not appear to have ever been +very formidable. Two of the lower windows have marks as if a chisel or +some such instrument had been pushed under them to force them open. +The police should have a good clue, for the wood-work had been done +with green paint only the day before, and from the smears it is evident +that some of it has found its way on to the criminal's hands or clothes. +</P> + +<P> +4.30 P. M. Ah, that accursed woman! That thrice accursed woman! +Never mind! She shall not beat me! No, she shall not! But, oh, the +she-devil! She has taken my professorship. Now she would take my +honor. Is there nothing I can do against her, nothing save—— Ah, +but, hard pushed as I am, I cannot bring myself to think of that! +</P> + +<P> +It was about an hour ago that I went into my bedroom, and was brushing +my hair before the glass, when suddenly my eyes lit upon something +which left me so sick and cold that I sat down upon the edge of the bed +and began to cry. It is many a long year since I shed tears, but all +my nerve was gone, and I could but sob and sob in impotent grief and +anger. There was my house jacket, the coat I usually wear after +dinner, hanging on its peg by the wardrobe, with the right sleeve +thickly crusted from wrist to elbow with daubs of green paint. +</P> + +<P> +So this was what she meant by another turn of the screw! She had made +a public imbecile of me. Now she would brand me as a criminal. This +time she has failed. But how about the next? I dare not think of +it—and of Agatha and my poor old mother! I wish that I were dead! +</P> + +<P> +Yes, this is the other turn of the screw. And this is also what she +meant, no doubt, when she said that I had not realized yet the power +she has over me. I look back at my account of my conversation with +her, and I see how she declared that with a slight exertion of her will +her subject would be conscious, and with a stronger one unconscious. +Last night I was unconscious. I could have sworn that I slept soundly +in my bed without so much as a dream. And yet those stains tell me +that I dressed, made my way out, attempted to open the bank windows, +and returned. Was I observed? Is it possible that some one saw me do +it and followed me home? Ah, what a hell my life has become! I have +no peace, no rest. But my patience is nearing its end. +</P> + +<P> +10 P. M. I have cleaned my coat with turpentine. I do not think that +any one could have seen me. It was with my screw-driver that I made +the marks. I found it all crusted with paint, and I have cleaned it. +My head aches as if it would burst, and I have taken five grains of +antipyrine. If it were not for Agatha, I should have taken fifty and +had an end of it. +</P> + +<P> +May 3. Three quiet days. This hell fiend is like a cat with a mouse. +She lets me loose only to pounce upon me again. I am never so +frightened as when every thing is still. My physical state is +deplorable—perpetual hiccough and ptosis of the left eyelid. +</P> + +<P> +I have heard from the Mardens that they will be back the day after +to-morrow. I do not know whether I am glad or sorry. They were safe +in London. Once here they may be drawn into the miserable network in +which I am myself struggling. And I must tell them of it. I cannot +marry Agatha so long as I know that I am not responsible for my own +actions. Yes, I must tell them, even if it brings every thing to an +end between us. +</P> + +<P> +To-night is the university ball, and I must go. God knows I never felt +less in the humor for festivity, but I must not have it said that I am +unfit to appear in public. If I am seen there, and have speech with +some of the elders of the university it will go a long way toward +showing them that it would be unjust to take my chair away from me. +</P> + +<P> +10 P. M. I have been to the ball. Charles Sadler and I went together, +but I have come away before him. I shall wait up for him, however, +for, indeed, I fear to go to sleep these nights. He is a cheery, +practical fellow, and a chat with him will steady my nerves. On the +whole, the evening was a great success. I talked to every one who has +influence, and I think that I made them realize that my chair is not +vacant quite yet. The creature was at the ball—unable to dance, of +course, but sitting with Mrs. Wilson. Again and again her eyes rested +upon me. They were almost the last things I saw before I left the +room. Once, as I sat sideways to her, I watched her, and saw that her +gaze was following some one else. It was Sadler, who was dancing at +the time with the second Miss Thurston. To judge by her expression, it +is well for him that he is not in her grip as I am. He does not know +the escape he has had. I think I hear his step in the street now, and +I will go down and let him in. If he will—— +</P> + +<P> +May 4. Why did I break off in this way last night? I never went down +stairs, after all—at least, I have no recollection of doing so. But, +on the other hand, I cannot remember going to bed. One of my hands is +greatly swollen this morning, and yet I have no remembrance of injuring +it yesterday. Otherwise, I am feeling all the better for last night's +festivity. But I cannot understand how it is that I did not meet +Charles Sadler when I so fully intended to do so. Is it possible—— +My God, it is only too probable! Has she been leading me some devil's +dance again? I will go down to Sadler and ask him. +</P> + +<P> +Mid-day. The thing has come to a crisis. My life is not worth living. +But, if I am to die, then she shall come also. I will not leave her +behind, to drive some other man mad as she has me. No, I have come to +the limit of my endurance. She has made me as desperate and dangerous +a man as walks the earth. God knows I have never had the heart to hurt +a fly, and yet, if I had my hands now upon that woman, she should never +leave this room alive. I shall see her this very day, and she shall +learn what she has to expect from me. +</P> + +<P> +I went to Sadler and found him, to my surprise, in bed. As I entered +he sat up and turned a face toward me which sickened me as I looked at +it. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, Sadler, what has happened?" I cried, but my heart turned cold as +I said it. +</P> + +<P> +"Gilroy," he answered, mumbling with his swollen lips, "I have for some +weeks been under the impression that you are a madman. Now I know it, +and that you are a dangerous one as well. If it were not that I am +unwilling to make a scandal in the college, you would now be in the +hands of the police." +</P> + +<P> +"Do you mean——" I cried. +</P> + +<P> +"I mean that as I opened the door last night you rushed out upon me, +struck me with both your fists in the face, knocked me down, kicked me +furiously in the side, and left me lying almost unconscious in the +street. Look at your own hand bearing witness against you." +</P> + +<P> +Yes, there it was, puffed up, with sponge-like knuckles, as after some +terrific blow. What could I do? Though he put me down as a madman, I +must tell him all. I sat by his bed and went over all my troubles from +the beginning. I poured them out with quivering hands and burning +words which might have carried conviction to the most sceptical. "She +hates you and she hates me!" I cried. "She revenged herself last night +on both of us at once. She saw me leave the ball, and she must have +seen you also. She knew how long it would take you to reach home. +Then she had but to use her wicked will. Ah, your bruised face is a +small thing beside my bruised soul!" +</P> + +<P> +He was struck by my story. That was evident. "Yes, yes, she watched +me out of the room," he muttered. "She is capable of it. But is it +possible that she has really reduced you to this? What do you intend +to do?" +</P> + +<P> +"To stop it!" I cried. "I am perfectly desperate; I shall give her +fair warning to-day, and the next time will be the last." +</P> + +<P> +"Do nothing rash," said he. +</P> + +<P> +"Rash!" I cried. "The only rash thing is that I should postpone it +another hour." With that I rushed to my room, and here I am on the eve +of what may be the great crisis of my life. I shall start at once. I +have gained one thing to-day, for I have made one man, at least, +realize the truth of this monstrous experience of mine. And, if the +worst should happen, this diary remains as a proof of the goad that has +driven me. +</P> + +<P> +Evening. When I came to Wilson's, I was shown up, and found that he +was sitting with Miss Penclosa. For half an hour I had to endure his +fussy talk about his recent research into the exact nature of the +spiritualistic rap, while the creature and I sat in silence looking +across the room at each other. I read a sinister amusement in her +eyes, and she must have seen hatred and menace in mine. I had almost +despaired of having speech with her when he was called from the room, +and we were left for a few moments together. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, Professor Gilroy—or is it Mr. Gilroy?" said she, with that +bitter smile of hers. "How is your friend Mr. Charles Sadler after the +ball?" +</P> + +<P> +"You fiend!" I cried. "You have come to the end of your tricks now. I +will have no more of them. Listen to what I say." I strode across and +shook her roughly by the shoulder "As sure as there is a God in heaven, +I swear that if you try another of your deviltries upon me I will have +your life for it. Come what may, I will have your life. I have come +to the end of what a man can endure." +</P> + +<P> +"Accounts are not quite settled between us," said she, with a passion +that equalled my own. "I can love, and I can hate. You had your +choice. You chose to spurn the first; now you must test the other. It +will take a little more to break your spirit, I see, but broken it +shall be. Miss Marden comes back to-morrow, as I understand." +</P> + +<P> +"What has that to do with you?" I cried. "It is a pollution that you +should dare even to think of her. If I thought that you would harm +her——" +</P> + +<P> +She was frightened, I could see, though she tried to brazen it out. +She read the black thought in my mind, and cowered away from me. +</P> + +<P> +"She is fortunate in having such a champion," said she. "He actually +dares to threaten a lonely woman. I must really congratulate Miss +Marden upon her protector." +</P> + +<P> +The words were bitter, but the voice and manner were more acid still. +</P> + +<P> +"There is no use talking," said I. "I only came here to tell you,—and +to tell you most solemnly,—that your next outrage upon me will be your +last." With that, as I heard Wilson's step upon the stair, I walked +from the room. Ay, she may look venomous and deadly, but, for all +that, she is beginning to see now that she has as much to fear from me +as I can have from her. Murder! It has an ugly sound. But you don't +talk of murdering a snake or of murdering a tiger. Let her have a care +now. +</P> + +<P> +May 5. I met Agatha and her mother at the station at eleven o'clock. +She is looking so bright, so happy, so beautiful. And she was so +overjoyed to see me. What have I done to deserve such love? I went +back home with them, and we lunched together. All the troubles seem in +a moment to have been shredded back from my life. She tells me that I +am looking pale and worried and ill. The dear child puts it down to my +loneliness and the perfunctory attentions of a housekeeper. I pray +that she may never know the truth! May the shadow, if shadow there +must be, lie ever black across my life and leave hers in the sunshine. +I have just come back from them, feeling a new man. With her by my +side I think that I could show a bold face to any thing which life +might send. +</P> + +<P> +5 P. M. Now, let me try to be accurate. Let me try to say exactly how +it occurred. It is fresh in my mind, and I can set it down correctly, +though it is not likely that the time will ever come when I shall +forget the doings of to-day. +</P> + +<P> +I had returned from the Mardens' after lunch, and was cutting some +microscopic sections in my freezing microtome, when in an instant I +lost consciousness in the sudden hateful fashion which has become only +too familiar to me of late. +</P> + +<P> +When my senses came back to me I was sitting in a small chamber, very +different from the one in which I had been working. It was cosey and +bright, with chintz-covered settees, colored hangings, and a thousand +pretty little trifles upon the wall. A small ornamental clock ticked +in front of me, and the hands pointed to half-past three. It was all +quite familiar to me, and yet I stared about for a moment in a +half-dazed way until my eyes fell upon a cabinet photograph of myself +upon the top of the piano. On the other side stood one of Mrs. Marden. +Then, of course, I remembered where I was. It was Agatha's boudoir. +</P> + +<P> +But how came I there, and what did I want? A horrible sinking came to +my heart. Had I been sent here on some devilish errand? Had that +errand already been done? Surely it must; otherwise, why should I be +allowed to come back to consciousness? Oh, the agony of that moment! +What had I done? I sprang to my feet in my despair, and as I did so a +small glass bottle fell from my knees on to the carpet. +</P> + +<P> +It was unbroken, and I picked it up. Outside was written "Sulphuric +Acid. Fort." When I drew the round glass stopper, a thick fume rose +slowly up, and a pungent, choking smell pervaded the room. I +recognized it as one which I kept for chemical testing in my chambers. +But why had I brought a bottle of vitriol into Agatha's chamber? Was +it not this thick, reeking liquid with which jealous women had been +known to mar the beauty of their rivals? My heart stood still as I +held the bottle to the light. Thank God, it was full! No mischief had +been done as yet. But had Agatha come in a minute sooner, was it not +certain that the hellish parasite within me would have dashed the stuff +into her—— Ah, it will not bear to be thought of! But it must have +been for that. Why else should I have brought it? At the thought of +what I might have done my worn nerves broke down, and I sat shivering +and twitching, the pitiable wreck of a man. +</P> + +<P> +It was the sound of Agatha's voice and the rustle of her dress which +restored me. I looked up, and saw her blue eyes, so full of tenderness +and pity, gazing down at me. +</P> + +<P> +"We must take you away to the country, Austin," she said. "You want +rest and quiet. You look wretchedly ill." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, it is nothing!" said I, trying to smile. "It was only a momentary +weakness. I am all right again now." +</P> + +<P> +"I am so sorry to keep you waiting. Poor boy, you must have been here +quite half an hour! The vicar was in the drawing-room, and, as I knew +that you did not care for him, I thought it better that Jane should +show you up here. I thought the man would never go!" +</P> + +<P> +"Thank God he stayed! Thank God he stayed!" I cried hysterically. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, what is the matter with you, Austin?" she asked, holding my arm +as I staggered up from the chair. "Why are you glad that the vicar +stayed? And what is this little bottle in your hand?" +</P> + +<P> +"Nothing," I cried, thrusting it into my pocket. "But I must go. I +have something important to do." +</P> + +<P> +"How stern you look, Austin! I have never seen your face like that. +You are angry?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, I am angry." +</P> + +<P> +"But not with me?" +</P> + +<P> +"No, no, my darling! You would not understand." +</P> + +<P> +"But you have not told me why you came." +</P> + +<P> +"I came to ask you whether you would always love me—no matter what I +did, or what shadow might fall on my name. Would you believe in me and +trust me however black appearances might be against me?" +</P> + +<P> +"You know that I would, Austin." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, I know that you would. What I do I shall do for you. I am +driven to it. There is no other way out, my darling!" I kissed her +and rushed from the room. +</P> + +<P> +The time for indecision was at an end. As long as the creature +threatened my own prospects and my honor there might be a question as +to what I should do. But now, when Agatha—my innocent Agatha—was +endangered, my duty lay before me like a turnpike road. I had no +weapon, but I never paused for that. What weapon should I need, when I +felt every muscle quivering with the strength of a frenzied man? I ran +through the streets, so set upon what I had to do that I was only dimly +conscious of the faces of friends whom I met—dimly conscious also +that Professor Wilson met me, running with equal precipitance in the +opposite direction. Breathless but resolute I reached the house and +rang the bell. A white cheeked maid opened the door, and turned whiter +yet when she saw the face that looked in at her. +</P> + +<P> +"Show me up at once to Miss Penclosa," I demanded. +</P> + +<P> +"Sir," she gasped, "Miss Penclosa died this afternoon at half-past +three!" +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR><BR> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Parasite, by Arthur Conan Doyle + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PARASITE *** + +***** This file should be named 355-h.htm or 355-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/3/5/355/ + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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