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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Wife's Duty, by Amelia Alderson Opie
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: A Wife's Duty
+       A Tale
+
+Author: Amelia Alderson Opie
+
+Release Date: February 15, 2011 [EBook #35294]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A WIFE'S DUTY ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Delphine Lettau and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Canada Team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+A WIFE'S DUTY.
+
+ [Illustration: Country House scene by _A H Payne_]
+ ["Dearest Helen! why should we ever leave this paradise of sweets?"]
+
+
+
+
+ A
+ WIFE'S DUTY,
+ A Tale
+
+ by
+ Mrs. Opie
+
+ [Illustration: A view between Paris and Marseilles]
+
+
+
+
+ "There is no killing like that which kills the heart."
+                                             SHAKSPEARE.
+
+
+ LONDON:
+ PUBLISHED BY GROVE AND SON,
+ TRINITY STREET, SOUTHWARK.
+ 1847.
+
+
+
+
+ A WIFE'S DUTY,
+
+
+ BEING A CONTINUATION OF A
+ "WOMAN'S LOVE."
+
+ PART THE SECOND.
+
+I am only too painfully aware, my dear friend, that in my history of
+a "Woman's Love," I have related none but very common occurrences
+and situations, and entered into minute, nay, perhaps, uninteresting
+details. Still, however common an event may be, it is susceptible of
+variety in description, because endlessly various is the manner in which
+the same event affects different persons. Perhaps no occurrence ever
+affected two human beings exactly in the same manner; but as the rays
+of light call forth different hues and gradations of colour, according
+to the peculiar surfaces of the objects on which they fall, so common
+circumstances vary in their results and their effects, according to the
+different natures and minds of those to whom they occur.
+
+My trials have been, and will no doubt continue to be, the trials of
+thousands of my sex; but the manner in which I acted under them, and
+their effect on my feelings and my character, must be peculiar to
+myself. And on these alone I can presume to found my expectation of
+affording to you, while you read, the variety which keeps attention
+alive, and the interest which repays it.
+
+In the same week which made me a bride Ferdinand De Walden left England,
+unable to remain near the spot which had witnessed the birth of his
+dearest hopes, and would now witness the destruction of them.
+
+I could have soothed in a degree the "pangs of despised love," by
+assuring him that I was convinced nothing but a prior attachment could
+have prevented my heart from returning his love. I could have told
+him that I seemed to myself to have two hearts; the one glowing with
+passionate tenderness for the object of its first feelings, the other
+conscious of a deep-rooted and well-founded esteem for him. But it was
+my duty to conceal this truth from him, as such an avowal would have
+strengthened my hold on his remembrance, and it was now become his duty
+to forget.
+
+My mother not very long after my marriage wounded my feelings in a
+manner which I could not soon recover. I was speaking of De Walden with
+that warmth of regard which I really felt for him, and lamenting that
+I should probably now see him no more, when, with a look of agony for
+which I was not prepared, she begged me never to mention the name
+of De Walden to her again; for that her only chance of being able to
+reconcile herself to the marriage which I had made, was her learning
+to forget the one which she had so ardently desired.
+
+Eagerly indeed did I pledge my word to her, that I would in future never
+name De Walden.
+
+The first twelve months of my wedded life were halcyon days; and the
+first months of marriage are not often such,--perhaps they never are,
+except where the wedded couple are so young that they are not trammelled
+in habits which are likely to interfere with a spirit of accommodation;
+nor even then, probably, unless the temper is good and yielding on both
+sides. It usually takes some time for the husband and wife to know each
+other's humours and habits, and to find out what surrender of their own
+they can make with the least reluctance for their mutual good. But we
+had youth, and (I speak it not as a boast) we had good temper also.
+Seymour, you know, was proverbially good-natured; and I, though an only
+child, had not had my naturally happy temper ruined by injudicious
+indulgence.
+
+You know that Seymour and I went to Paris, and thence to Marseilles, not
+very long after we were married, and returned in six months, to complete
+the alterations which we had ordered to be made to our house, under the
+superintendence of my mother.
+
+We found our alterations really deserving the name of improvements, and
+Seymour enthusiastically exclaimed, "O Helen! never, never will we leave
+this enchanting place. Here let us live, my beloved, and be the world to
+each other!"
+
+My heart readily assented to this delightful proposition, but even then
+my judgement revolted at it.
+
+I felt, I knew that Pendarves loved and was formed for society. I was
+sure that by beginning our wedded life with total seclusion, we should
+only prepare the way for utter distaste to it; and concealing my own
+inclinations, I told him I must stipulate for three months of London
+every spring. My husband started with surprise and mortification at
+this un-romantic reply to his sentimental proposal, nor could he at all
+accede to it; but he complained of my passion for London to my mother,
+while the country with me for his companion was quite sufficient for his
+happiness.
+
+"These are early times yet," replied my mother coldly; and Seymour was
+not satisfied with the mother or the daughter.
+
+"Seymour," said I one day, "since you have declared against keeping
+any more terms, and will therefore not read much law till you become a
+justice of the peace, pray, tell me how you mean to employ yourself?"
+
+"Why, in the first place," said he, "I shall read or write. But my first
+employment shall be to teach you Spanish. I cannot endure to think that
+De Walden taught you Italian, Helen."
+
+"But you taught me to love, you know, therefore you ought to forgive
+it."
+
+"No, I cannot rest till I also have helped to complete your education."
+
+"Well, but I cannot be learning Spanish all day."
+
+"No; so perhaps I shall set about writing a great work."
+
+"The very thing that I was going to propose, though not exactly a great
+work. What think you of a life of poor Chatterton, with critical remarks
+on his poems?"
+
+"Excellent! I will do it."
+
+And now having given him a pursuit, I ventured to indulge some
+reasonable hopes that home and the country might prove to him as
+delightful as he fancied that they would be; and what with studying
+Spanish, with building a green-house, with occasional writing, with
+study, with getting together materials for this life, and writing
+the preface, time fled on very rapid pinions; and after we had been
+married two years, and May arrived a second time, Seymour triumphantly
+exclaimed, "There, Helen! I believe that you distrusted my love for the
+country; but have I once expressed or felt a wish to go to London?"
+
+"The ides of March are come, but not gone," I replied; "and surely if I
+wish to go, you will not deny me."
+
+"No, Helen, certainly not," said he in a tone of mortification; "if I am
+no longer all-sufficient for your happiness."
+
+Alas! in the ingenuousness of my nature, I gave way when he said this to
+the tenderness of my heart, and assured him that my happiness depended
+wholly on the enjoyment of his society; and I fear it is too true that
+men soon learn to slight what they are sure of possessing. Had I been an
+artful woman, and could I have condescended to make him doubtful of the
+extent of my love, by a few woman's subterfuges; could I have feigned a
+desire to return to the world, instead of owning, as I did, that all my
+enjoyment was comprised in home and him; I do think that I might have
+been for a much longer period the happiest of wives; but then I should
+have been, in my own eyes, despicable as a woman, and I was always
+tenacious of my own esteem.
+
+May was come, but not gone--when I found my husband was continually
+reading to me, after having previously read to himself, the accounts in
+the papers of the gaieties of London.
+
+"What a tempting account this is, Helen, of the Exhibition at Somerset
+House!--I should like to see it. Seeing pictures is an elegant rational
+amusement. And here are soon to be a ball and supper at Ranelagh. A fine
+place Ranelagh for such an entertainment."
+
+Here he read a list of routs and cotillion balls at different places;
+but one day he read, with infinite mortification, that our uncle, Mr.
+Pendarves, had given a ball on the return of his son-in-law to
+Parliament.
+
+"How abominable," cried Seymour, "for my uncle to give a ball, and not
+invite us to go up to it!"
+
+"You forget," replied I, "that, knowing our passion for the country, and
+that we had abjured the world, he did not like to ask us, because he
+knew he should be refused."
+
+"I am not so sure he would have been refused, Helen; or, as to having
+abjured the world--No, no; we are not such fools as to do that--are we,
+my dearest girl?"
+
+"We are bound by no vows, certainly; and, as soon as retirement is
+become irksome to you, we can go to London."
+
+"Did I say that retirement was grown irksome? Oh, fie! such an idea
+never entered my thoughts: besides, as this fine ball is over, what
+should we go to London for?"
+
+"There may be other fine balls, and fine parties, you know."
+
+"True; but really, Helen, I begin to believe you wish to go to London."
+
+"If you do, I do certainly."
+
+"I!--Not I indeed. Ah, Helen! I suspect you are not ingenuous with me;
+and you do wish to go."
+
+I only smiled: but I soon found that the book did not get forward, that
+the newspapers were anxiously expected, and that my Spanish master
+sometimes forgot his task in the indulgence of reverie; and I debated
+within myself, whether it would not be for our interest and our domestic
+comfort, to propose to go to London, in order to conceal from him as
+long as I could that I was not sufficient for his happiness; and that he
+would live and die a man of the world. I was the more ready to do this,
+because I wished that my mother should not see my empire was on the
+decline. Why did I so wish? I hoped it was because I was desirous to
+spare her any anxiety for my peace; but I fear it also was because I did
+not like that she should have cause to suspect her choice for me was
+likely to have proved a better one than my own. (I believe I have
+observed before, how strong my conviction is, that there is scarcely
+such a thing in nature as a single motive of action.)
+
+I therefore, in the presence of my mother, hinted a wish to go to London
+for six weeks. She started, and looked suspiciously at Pendarves; while
+he, with an odd mixture of surprise, joy, and mortification in his
+countenance, exclaimed--
+
+"Do I hear right, Helen? Are you, after all you have declared, desirous
+of going to London?"
+
+"I am: 'Variety is charming,' says the proverb; and here you know it is
+_toujours perdrix_!"
+
+"Well, there, madam," said Pendarves, turning to my mother, "you will
+now, I hope, believe what I assured you of some time ago, that Helen
+had a passion for London?"
+
+"_C'est selon_," replied my mother, "to use a French phrase, in answer
+to Helen's," and darting, as she spoke, a penetrating glance at me.
+
+"I assure you," replied I, "that my wish to go to London originates with
+myself, as I believe that this journey to the metropolis is the wisest,
+as well as the most agreeable thing I could desire."
+
+My mother sighed; and a "Well, my child, I have no reason to doubt your
+word," broke languidly from her lips, while she suddenly rose and left
+the room.
+
+"And are you really in earnest, Helen?" said Pendarves.
+
+"Never more so; and unless my proposal is very distasteful to you, I
+beg you will write directly, and engage lodgings."
+
+"Distasteful! oh, no! quite the contrary. I shall be proud to exhibit my
+lovely wife in London, where, no doubt, she will be as much admired as
+she was abroad.--Do you think," he affectionately added, "that I have
+forgotten the exquisite pleasure I experienced at seeing you the object
+of general attraction wherever you moved?"
+
+This was said and felt kindly; still it did not inspire me with that
+confidence which it seemed likely to inspire; for I, though I was
+conscious of my husband's personal beauty, had no vanity to gratify in
+exhibiting him to the London world. I had no wish to be the most envied
+of women, it was sufficient for me to know that I was the happiest; and
+I thought that, if Pendarves loved as truly as I did, the consciousness
+of his happiness would have been sufficient for him. Still, I am well
+aware how wrong it is to judge the love of others according to our own
+capability of loving. As well, and as justly, might we confine beauty,
+or the power of pleasing, to one cast of features or complexion. All
+persons love after a manner of their own; and woe must befal the man or
+woman who expects to be loved according to their own way and their own
+degree of loving, without any consideration for the different character
+and different feelings of the beloved object.
+
+"How absurd I am!" said I to myself, after I had shed some weak tears
+in the solitude of my chamber, because Pendarves did not love me, I
+found, as I loved him. "How absurd! True, he delights in the idea of
+exhibiting me, and I have no wish to exhibit him. After all, he loves
+more generously than I do, and my selfishness is nothing to be proud
+of."
+
+Thus I reasoned with myself, and tried to fortify my mind to bear the
+cares and the dangers which I had, on principle, provoked.
+
+"One word, Helen," said my mother, when she was alone with me after
+what had passed relative to my projected journey: "Are you sure, my
+dear child, that in urging your husband to go to London you have acted
+wisely?"
+
+"As sure as the consciousness of my bounded vision of futurity can allow
+me to be. I thought it better to forestal my husband's wishes than to
+wait for the expression of them."
+
+"If not better, it was less mortifying," replied my quick-sighted
+parent; and we said no more on the subject.
+
+In three days' time we had lodgings procured for us near Hanover Square;
+and on the fourth day from that on which I made known my wishes, we set
+off for London. But how different were the feelings of my husband and
+myself on the occasion! He was all joy and pleased expectation, unmixed
+with any painful regret or any anxious fears. But I left, for some
+time, a tenderly beloved mother, and the scene of tranquil and certain
+enjoyment. I was going, I knew, to encounter, probably, the influence
+of rivals, both in men and women, in my husband's attentions, and the
+dangerous power of long and early associations. And how did I know but
+that into a renewal of intimacy with his former associates I was not
+bringing my husband? But I had done what I thought right; and if I had
+presumptuously acted on the dictates of human wisdom alone, I prayed,
+fervently prayed, that the divine wisdom would take pity on my weakness,
+and avert the courted and impending evil.
+
+I was many miles on my journey before I could drive from my mind the
+recollection of my mother's countenance when we parted. It did not alone
+express sorrow to part with me: it indicated anxiety, foreboding of
+evil to happen before we met again; and it required all my husband's
+enlivening gaiety and fascinating powers to revive my drooping spirits.
+His gaiety, I must own, however, depressed rather than enlivened me at
+first; for I was mortified to see with what delight he anticipated our
+return to the great world: but, as I had no ill-tempered feelings to
+oppose to the influence of his buoyant hilarity and his winning charm of
+manner, they at length subdued my depression, and imparted to me their
+own pleasant cheerfulness.
+
+"Dear, dear London!" cried Pendarves as our horses' hoofs first rattled
+on its pavement, "Dear London! how I love thee! for here I was first
+convinced how fondly Helen loved me!" So saying, he pressed me to his
+heart, and a feeling of revived confidence stole over mine.
+
+We found my uncle and Mrs. Pendarves still in London; but I did not feel
+as rejoiced on the occasion as they and my husband did. The latter was
+glad because he had in them proper protectors for his wife, whenever
+he was obliged to leave me; and the former, because they had really
+an affection for us. But I knew so much of Mrs. Pendarves, by the
+description I had heard of her from Lady Helen and my mother, and what I
+had observed myself, that I dreaded being exposed to her home truths and
+her indiscreet communications.
+
+It was not long before we found ourselves completely in the vortex of a
+London life. And as, for the most part, my husband's engagements and
+mine were the same, I lost the gloomy forebodings with which I left
+home, and even lost my fears of Mrs. Pendarves.
+
+One day Pendarves told me he was going to dine with an old friend of
+his, Maurice Witred; but, as I was not going out, he hoped to be back to
+drink tea with me; but I expected him in vain, and he did not return
+till bed-time.
+
+He told me he was sorry to have disappointed me; but his friend had
+prevailed on him to go to the play. This excuse was so sufficient, and
+his wish to accompany Mr. Witred so natural, that I should have had no
+misgiving whatever had I not observed a certain degree of constraint in
+his manner, and a consciousness as if he had not told me all. However,
+I was satisfied with the alleged cause of his absence, and I slept as
+soundly as usual. But the next morning came Mrs. Pendarves, saying she
+was glad to find me alone. She told me she had met my husband, and she
+had given him such a set to! (to use her own elegant phrase.)
+
+"And wherefore?"
+
+"Oh! for going to the play with Maurice Witred and his lady."
+
+"Lady! I did not know he was married."
+
+"He is not married; and it was very wrong, and had an ill-appearance for
+a young, married man to be seen in public, though it was in a private
+box, with a profligate man and his mistress. I thought he would not tell
+you; but I was resolved you should know it, that you might scold him
+with 'the grave rebuke of a severe youthful beauty and a grace.'"
+
+I did not reply, even to assure her I was better pleased that she
+should scold my husband than that I should do it myself; for I knew
+she was incorrigible, and her communication had thrown me into a
+painful reverie; for I found that Pendarves had begun to practise
+disingenuousness and concealment with me, and in the most dangerous
+way; for he had concealed only half the truth; by which means persons
+make a sort of compromise with their integrity, and lay a salvo to
+their consciences; for they fancy they are not lying, though they are
+certainly deceiving; whereas, if they tell a downright lie, they, at
+least, KNOW they are sinning, and may be led by conscious shame into
+amendment. But there is no hope for those who thus delude themselves;
+and as _ce n'est que le premier pas qui coute_, I felt that I had lost
+some of my confidence in my husband's sincerity. Alas! when perfect
+confidence between man and wife is once destroyed, there is an end to
+perfect happiness! But I tried to shake off my abstraction; and I
+listened as well as I could to my talkative companion, whose passion
+was to give advice, that troublesome but common propensity in weak
+people; and like such persons, she was always boasting of the advice she
+had given, that which she would give, or of the dressings and _set-tos_
+which she had bestowed, or meant to bestow. At length, however, much to
+my relief she went away, and not long after Pendarves returned.
+
+"So," said he, "I find Mrs. Pendarves has been with you, and suppose
+(blushing as he spoke) that she has been telling tales of me?"
+
+"And of herself," I replied, smiling as unconcernedly as I could; "for
+she owns to the presumption of having given you a _set-to_, as she calls
+it."
+
+"Yes: but I suppose she told you the cause?"
+
+"No doubt."
+
+"And do you think it deserved so severe a lecture?"
+
+"I think it was not right in a respectable married man to seem to give
+his countenance to such a connexion as the one in question; and I
+suspect that you are of the same opinion."
+
+"I am; but why do you think so?"
+
+"From conceit; because I believe that fear of my censure made you
+conceal from me what you had done."
+
+"True, most true--and my repugnance to tell you all proved to me still
+more how wrong that all was."
+
+"My dearest Seymour," I replied, "believe me, that not all which you can
+communicate to me can ever distress me so much as my consciousness of
+your want of ingenuousness, and of your telling only half the truth can
+do. I saw by your manner something was wrong, and I shall ever bless the
+weak indiscretion of Mrs. Pendarves, because it led to this salutary
+explanation; and I trust that the next time you go with Mr. Witred and
+his lady to the play, you will mention both."
+
+"But I shall _never_ go with them again," eagerly replied my husband,
+"as you, Helen think it improper."
+
+"But I may be too rigid in my ideas; and I beg you to be ruled by your
+own judgment, rather than mine. All I ask is, to be told the whole
+truth."
+
+Pleasant to my feelings then, and dear to my recollection since, is the
+look of tenderness and approbation which Pendarves gave me as I spoke
+these words; and when he left me, peace and confidence seemed restored
+to my mind.
+
+The next evening was the fashionable night for Ranelagh, and my husband
+and I, who dined out, were to accompany a large party to that scene of
+gay resort.
+
+Ranelagh was the place for tall women to appear to advantage in. Little
+women, however beautiful, were likely to be unnoticed in that circling
+crowd; but, even unattended with beauty, height and a good carriage of
+the person were sure to be noticed there. The pride which Pendarves took
+in my appearance was never so fully gratified as at Ranelagh; for while
+I leaned upon him, I used to feel my arm pressed gently to his side as
+he heard or saw the admiration which my lofty stature (to speak modestly)
+excited. This evening as I was quite a new face in the splendid round,
+I was even followed as well as gazed at; and I was not sorry when our
+carriage was announced, though I was flattered on my own account,
+and pleased on my husband's; for I was eager to escape from some
+particularly impertinent starers, especially as I found that Pendarves
+was disposed to resent the freedom with which some men of high rank
+thought themselves privileged to follow and to look at me. Before we
+separated, some of the party proposed that we should meet again at
+Ranelagh on the next night but one, and while I hesitated, my husband
+exclaimed, "No mock modesty, Helen; no declining an opportunity, which
+you must enjoy, of being admired. So, pray tell our friends you gladly
+accede to their proposal."
+
+"I gladly accede to your proposal," cried I laughing, but blushing with
+conscious vanity at the same time.
+
+"What an obedient wife!" cried one of the ladies; "public homage has not
+spoiled her yet, I see."
+
+"Nor can it," replied I, "while I possess my husband's homage, which I
+value far more."
+
+"While you possess it! Then, if his homage should fail you, you might
+perhaps be pleased with the other?"
+
+"I humbly hope not: but if exposed to that bitter trial, I dare not
+assert that I should not yield to it as scores of other women do
+every day; for I must say, in defence of my sex, that good husbands,
+generally speaking, make good wives; and that most women originally
+value the attentions of their husbands more than those of other men. On
+your sex, therefore, O false and fickle man! be visited the crimes of
+ours!"
+
+This grave discourse provoked some laughter from my audience, from which
+I was glad to escape to our carriage, which had waited for us while we
+alighted.
+
+"So, Helen," said my husband as we went home, "it is your opinion,
+
+ That when weak women go astray,
+ Their lords are more in fault than they."
+
+"It is."
+
+"And you said what you did as a gentle hint and a kind warning to me how
+I behaved myself?"
+
+"Not so," said I eagerly: "I humbly trust that even your example would
+not make me swerve from my duty; and my observation was a general one.
+Still, my favourite and constant prayer is 'Let me not be led into
+temptation;' and believe me, Pendarves, that she who is able to admit
+that she may possibly err, is less liable to do so than the woman who
+seems to believe she is incapable of it."
+
+"Helen," said my husband, "I never for one moment associated together
+the idea of you and frailty: therefore, dear girl, I will carry you to
+Ranelagh again and again; for I do love to see you admired! and I feel
+proud while I think and know that even princes would woo your smiles in
+vain."
+
+He kept his word, and we never missed a full night at Ranelagh. But one
+evening completely destroyed the unmixed pleasure which I had hitherto
+enjoyed there.
+
+We had not been round the room more than twice when we were joined by
+Lord Charles Belmour, a former associate of my husband's, who, after a
+little while, begged to have some private conversation with him; and
+taking his arm, Pendarves consigned me to the care of the gentleman with
+us, on whose other arm hung a lady to whom he was busily making love:
+consequently, his attention was wholly directed to her, and I had
+nothing to divert mine from the conversation which occasionally met my
+ear between my husband and his noble friend, who walked close behind us.
+
+Sometimes this conversation was held in a low voice, and then I ceased
+to listen to it; but when they spoke as usual, I thought I was justified
+in attending to them.
+
+"Look there!" said Lord Charles, as we were passing a box in which sat
+two ladies splendidly dressed, accompanied by two gentlemen, "look,
+Pendarves, there is an old friend of yours!"
+
+"Ha!" said my husband, lowering his voice, "I protest it is she! I did
+not know she was in England. Who are those men with her?"
+
+"What, are you jealous?"
+
+"Nonsense! Who are they?"
+
+"The man in brown is husband to the lady in blue; and for the sake of
+associating with a titled lady, which your friend is, you know, he
+allows his wife, who is not pretty enough to be in danger, to go about
+with her and her _cher ami_--the young man in green. You know she was
+always a favourite with young men."
+
+"True, and young indeed must the man be who is taken in by her
+fascinations."
+
+"But she is wonderfully handsome still."
+
+"I hardly looked at her."
+
+"We are passing her again--_Now_, then, look at her if you dare."
+
+"Dare!"
+
+"Yes: for her eyes are very like the basilisk's."
+
+"I will risk it."
+
+_I_ too now looked towards the box we were approaching; at the end of
+which stood a young man in green, hanging over a woman, who though no
+longer young, and wholly indebted to art for her bloom, appeared to my
+now jealous eyes the handsomest woman I had ever beheld. I also observed
+that she saw and recognised my husband; for she suddenly started, and
+looked disordered, while an expression of anger stole over her face. A
+sudden stop in the crowd, to allow the PRINCE and his party to pass, who
+were just entering, forced us to be stationary a few minutes before her
+box. Oh! how my heart beat during this survey! But one thing gratified
+me: I was sure as I did not see her bow her head or curtsy, that
+Pendarves did not notice her. And yet, Lord Charles had, uncontradicted,
+called her his old friend!
+
+Who, then, and what was she? would he tell me? Perhaps he would when he
+got home; if he did not, I felt that I should be uneasy.
+
+We soon moved on again, and I heard Lord Charles say,
+
+"Cruel Pendarves, not even to look at or touch your hat to her! Surely
+that would not have committed you in any way."
+
+"It would have been acknowledging her for an acquaintance, which I do
+not now wish to do, especially in my wife's presence," I conclude he
+said, for he spoke too low for me to hear; but I judge so from the
+answer of Lord Charles.
+
+"Oh! then, if your wife was not present, you would not be so cruel?"
+
+"I did not say so."
+
+"No: but you implied it."
+
+"I deny that also."
+
+Then coming up to me, my husband again offered me his arm, and Lord
+Charles left us. I soon after saw this beautiful woman walking in
+the circle, and heard her named by the gentleman next me as Lady
+Bell Singleton--a dashing widow more famed for her beauty and her
+fascinations than her morals. But Pendarves said nothing; and though she
+looked very earnestly at him, and examined me from head to foot as I
+passed, I saw that he never turned his eyes on her, and seemed resolved
+not to see her.
+
+I had therefore every reason to be pleased with my husband's conduct;
+but I felt great distrust of Lord Charles. I thought he was a man,
+from what I had overheard, whom I could never like as a companion for
+Pendarves; and I disliked him the more, because, if I had given him
+the slightest encouragement, he would have been my devoted and public
+admirer, and would have delighted to make his attachment to me and our
+intimacy the theme of conversation. I also saw that my cold reserve had
+changed his partiality into dislike; and I could readily believe that he
+would be glad in revenge to wean my husband from me. Still I could not
+wish that I had treated him otherwise than I did; for I could not have
+done it without compromising my sense of right, as half measures in such
+cases are of no avail; and if a married woman does not at once show that
+pointed and particular admiration is offensive to her, the man who
+offers it has a right to think his devoirs may in time be acceptable.
+
+Here I may as well give you the character of this friend of my
+husband's.
+
+Lord Charles Belmour was the son of the Duke of ----; and never was any
+man more proud of the pre-eminence bestowed by rank and birth: but to
+do him justice, he began life with a wish to possess more honourable
+distinctions; and had he been placed in better circumstances, the world
+might have heard of him as a man of science, of learning, and of talents.
+But he had every thing to deaden his wish of studious fame, and nothing
+to encourage it. Besides, he was too indolent to toil for that renown
+which he was ambitious to enjoy; and instead of reading hard at college,
+he was soon led away into the most unbounded dissipation, while he saw
+honours daily bestowed on others which he had once earnestly wished to
+deserve and gain himself. But he quickly drove all weak repinings from
+him, proudly resolving in future to scorn and undervalue those laurels
+which could now never be his.
+
+He therefore chose to declare it was beneath a nobleman, or even a
+gentleman, to gain a prize, or take a high degree; and this assertion,
+in which he did not himself believe, was quoted by many an idle dunce,
+glad so to excuse the ignorance which disgraced him.
+
+But, spite of this pernicious opinion, Lord Charles never sought the
+society of those who acted upon it; and Pendarves, who had distinguished
+himself at Oxford, was his favourite companion there.
+
+When Lord Charles entered the world, he gave himself up to all its
+vanities and irregularities. But he was conscious of great powers, and
+also conscious that he had suffered them to run waste. Still if he could
+not employ them in a way to excite admiration, he knew he could do so in
+a way to excite fear; and after all, power was power, and to possess it
+was the first wish of his heart.
+
+Accordingly, though conscious he had himself the follies which he
+lashed, he had no mercy on those of his acquaintance; for, as he himself
+observed, "it is easier to laugh at the follies of others than amend
+one's own;" and though courted as an amusing companion, he was often
+shunned as a dangerous one.
+
+Women, also, who defied him either as a suitor or an enemy, have rued
+the day when they ventured to dispute his power: but, as I at length
+discovered, there was one way to disarm him; and that was to own his
+ability to do harm, and try to conciliate him as an active and
+efficient friend.
+
+In that case his generous and kind feelings conquered his less amiable
+ones, and his friendship was as sincere and valuable as his enmity was
+pernicious.
+
+But, with no uncommon inconsistency, while he declared that he thought
+a nobleman would disgrace himself if he sung well, or sung at all, or
+entered the lists in any way with persons _a talens_, he condescended
+to indulge before those whom he respected in the lowest of all talents,
+though certainly one of the most amusing, that of mimickry--a gift which
+usually appertains to other talents, as a border of shining gold to the
+fag end of a piece of India muslin, looking more showy indeed than the
+material to which it adheres; but how inferior in value and in price!
+
+But to resume my narrative. My husband did _not_ mention Lady Bell to
+me. The next time I went to Ranelagh with mixed feelings--for I dreaded
+to see this lady again, and to observe that Pendarves had chosen at
+length to own her for an acquaintance; for, had he been sure of never
+renewing his acquaintance, why should he not have named her to me?
+
+It was also with contending feelings that I found myself obliged to have
+Mrs. Pendarves as my companion; for though I wished to be informed on
+the subject of my anxiety, I dreaded it at the same time: and I was sure
+that she would tell me all she knew.
+
+A nephew of Mrs. Pendarves was our escort to Ranelagh; and my husband,
+who dined with Lord Charles Belmour (much to my secret sorrow), was to
+join us there.
+
+My eyes looked every where in search of Lady Bell Singleton, and at
+length I discovered her. My companion did the same; and with a sort
+of scream of surprise, she said, "Oh, dear! if there is not Lady Bell
+Singleton! I thought she was abroad. Do you know, my dear, when she
+returned to England?"
+
+"How should I know, madam? The very existence of the lady was a stranger
+to me till the other evening."
+
+"Indeed! Why, do not you really know that is the lady on whose account
+your mother forbade your marriage with Pendarves?"
+
+"No, madam, my mother was too discreet to explain her reasons."
+
+"Well, my dear, you need not look so uneasy--it was all off long before
+he married you--though she is a very dangerous woman where she gets a
+hold, and looks
+
+ 'So sure of her beholder's heart,
+  Neglecting for to take them.'"
+
+I scarcely heard what she said, for a sick faint feeling came over me at
+the consciousness that I was now in the presence of a woman for whom
+Pendarves had undoubtedly felt some sort of regard; but it was jealousy
+for the past, not of the present, that overcame me, though my husband's
+total silence with regard to this lady was, I could not but think, an
+alarming circumstance. And "it was on her account your mother forbade
+your marriage with Pendarves" still vibrated painfully in my ears, when
+Lord Charles and he appeared. With a smile by no means as unconstrained
+as usual I met him, and accepted his proffered arm. Lord Charles walked
+with us for a round or two--then left us, whispering as he did so,
+"Remember! _do_ notice her, she expects it, and I think she has a right
+to it."
+
+Pendarves muttered, "Well, if it must be so," and his companion
+disappeared.
+
+"Soon after we saw him with Lady Bell Singleton leaning on his arm; and
+I felt convinced he had made the acquaintance since we were last at
+Ranelagh, as he never noticed her till that night. We were now meeting
+them for the second time, and passing close to them, when I saw Lady
+Bell pointedly try to catch my husband's eye: and no longer avoiding it,
+he took off his hat, and civilly, though distantly, returned the cordial
+but silent salutation which she gave him.
+
+"This," thought I, "is in consequence of Lord Charles's interference,
+and explains what Pendarves meant by 'Well, if I must, I must.'"
+
+How I wished that he would break his silence on this subject, and be
+ingenuous! But I felt it was a delicate subject for him to treat--and I
+resolved to break the ice myself.
+
+"That was a very beautiful woman to whom you bowed just now," said I,
+glad to find that Mrs. Pendarves was looking another way.
+
+"She _has_ been beautiful indeed!" was his reply.
+
+Then looking at me, surprised I doubt not at the tremor of my voice, he
+was equally surprised at my excessive paleness, and with some little
+sarcasm in his tone, he said,
+
+"My dear Helen, is my only bowing to a fine woman capable of making your
+cheek pale, and your voice trembling?"
+
+"No," said I, "not so--you wrong me indeed; nor did I know that my cheek
+was pale." I said no more, shrinking from the seeming indelicacy of
+forcing a confidence which he was disposed to withhold.
+
+"Helen," said he, looking up in my face, "I see our aunt Pendarves has
+been at her old work, telling tales of me. I protest I shall insist on
+my uncle's sending her muzzled into your company."
+
+"The best way of muzzling her would be to anticipate all her
+communications yourself. It would be such an effectual silence to a
+woman like our little aunt, to be able to say, 'I know that already!'"
+
+"That's artfully put, Helen! But, really, there are some things which I
+have respected you too much to name to you. A general knowledge of my
+past faults and follies you have long had; but, from no unworthy motive,
+I have shrunk from talking to you of any particular one: and I feel
+pained and shocked, my beloved wife, to know that you are aware of that
+lady's having once been very near, if not very dear, to me in the days
+of my early youth."
+
+"Enough," said I, "enough! Forget that I know any thing which you wished
+me not to know, and assure yourself that I will forget also."
+
+"You are a wise and good girl," he replied, kindly pressing the arm that
+reposed in his: "but my little aunt is capable of making much mischief
+between married persons, where the mind of the wife is weak, and her
+temper suspicious."
+
+But how irritated I was against Lord Charles that evening! He forced
+conversation with Pendarves whenever we passed him, and gave Lady Bell
+an opportunity of fixing her dark eyes on him in a manner which having
+once seen, I took care never to see again. I am sure it offended him as
+much as it did me; for though Lady Bell was not absolutely excluded from
+society, she was by no means a woman to be forced on the notice of any
+man who had a virtuous wife leaning on his arm; and in returning her
+bow, Pendarves had done all that civility required of him: but I am
+convinced that Lord Charles wished to give me pain; and he was also in
+hopes that I should resent the appearance of any acquaintance remaining
+between the quondam lovers, and thereby occasion a coolness between my
+husband and myself.
+
+This was the longest and the only painful evening I had ever passed at
+Ranelagh; and from that moment I took such a dislike to it, that I was
+very glad when the great heat of the weather made my usual companions at
+such places substitute Vauxhall for Ranelagh. But at Vauxhall the same
+lovely and unwelcome vision crossed my path; and I once overheard a
+gentleman say, looking back at my husband, who had stopt to speak to
+some ladies, "What a lucky fellow that Pendarves is! The two finest
+women in the garden--aye, or in London, are his wife, and his quondam
+mistress." The compliment to myself was deprived of its power to please
+me, by these wounding words, my husband's "quondam mistress." And was
+then that disgraceful connexion so well known? The thought was an
+overwhelming one, and I began to resent my husband's having bowed to
+this woman in my presence. But perhaps he was entreated to do so in
+order to shield her reputation? If so, could he do otherwise? And as I
+was always glad to find an excuse for Pendarves, I satisfied myself
+thus, and my recent displeasure was forgotten.
+
+When we had extended the six weeks we meant to pass in London to two
+months, I expressed a wish of returning into the country; and Seymour
+complied with so little reluctance, that I prepared to return home with
+a much lighter heart than I had expected ever to feel again. But
+Mrs. Pendarves had a parting gift for me in her own way--a piece of
+intelligence which clouded over the unexpected brilliancy of my home
+prospects.
+
+"Well my dear niece," said she, "I am glad you are going, though I am
+sorry to part with you; for I do not like Seymour's friend, Lord Charles
+Belmour. He seems to me, my dear, to have, in the words of the poet,
+
+ 'That low cunning which from fools supplies,
+  And aptly too, the means of being wise.'
+
+"And I have thought no good of him ever since I saw him come out of Lady
+Bell Singleton's house with your husband."
+
+"What!" cried I, catching hold of a chair, for my strength seemed
+suddenly to fail me, "does my husband visit Lady Bell?"
+
+"Yes, that once I am sure he did: but then I do not doubt but that Lord
+Charles took him there; for I am told his great pleasure is to alienate
+his married friends from their wives."
+
+Alas! from what a pinnacle of happiness and confidence did this foolish
+woman cast me down in one moment! Reply I could not; and she went on to
+give me one piece of advice, and that was, never, if I could help it, to
+admit Lord Charles within my doors, and to discourage his intimacy with
+my husband as much as I could.
+
+By this time I had a little recovered this overwhelming blow; and I
+resolved in self-defence, and in defence of my husband's character, to
+tell her I must believe she was mistaken in thinking she saw Pendarves
+come out of Lady Bell's house; but whether that were true or false, I
+must request her to keep such communications to herself in future, as a
+wife was the last person whom any one should presume to inform of the
+errors of her husband. But company came in; and soon after my uncle
+drove up to the house in his travelling carriage, and in a few minutes
+more they were both on the road to Cornwall. If Seymour, when he came
+in, had found me alone with Mrs. Pendarves, he would have attributed the
+strange abstraction of my manner to some information which she had given
+me; but he now imputed it to the head-ach of which I complained; and
+when my visitors went he urged me to go and lie down.
+
+This was unfortunate, as I should have disliked excessively to tell
+him what his aunt had seen, and to let him observe how uneasy the
+communication had made me; for I was aware that a wife whose jealousy is
+so very apt to take alarm, is as troublesome to a husband as one whose
+nerves are so weak that she goes into a fit at the slightest noise, and
+starts at the mere shutting of a door. Still, my husband's ignorance of
+the cause of my indisposition was a great trial to me; for it forced me
+to have, for the first time, a secret from him. And he too, it seemed,
+was keeping a secret from me; for, spite of my entreaties that he would
+always tell me himself what it might grieve me to hear from others, he
+had called on Lady Bell Singleton, without telling me that he had done
+so!
+
+Alas! I did indeed lie down, and I did indeed darken my room; but it
+was to hide my agitation and my tears: nor till Pendarves went out to
+dinner, which, with some difficulty I prevailed on him to do, did I
+suffer the light to penetrate into my apartments, or my swollen eye-lids
+to be seen of any one. But then I rose; then, too, I rallied my spirits;
+for, in the first place I was cheered by my husband's affectionate
+unwillingness to leave me, and in the next I had nearly convinced myself
+that Mrs. Pendarves had not seen him when she fancied she did.
+
+By this resolute endeavour to look only on the bright side, I was
+enabled when my husband returned, which he did very early, to receive
+him with unforced smiles and cheerfulness.
+
+The next day we set off immediately after breakfast on our journey
+home; and I met my mother with a countenance so happy, that the look of
+anxious inquiry with which she beheld me was immediately exchanged for
+one of tearful joy.
+
+"Thank God! my dearest child," she fervently exclaimed, "that I see you
+again, and see you thus!"
+
+Why had she looked so anxious, and so inquiringly? and why was she thus
+so evidently surprised, as well as rejoiced?
+
+No doubt, thought I, she is in correspondence with our gossiping aunt,
+and she has told my mother all she told me.--No doubt, also, she has all
+along been that secret source whence was derived my mother's fear of
+uniting me to Pendarves.--But then, was not her information derived from
+her husband, and was it not always only too authentic?
+
+As these thoughts passed my mind, it was well for me that my mother was
+talking to Seymour, and did not observe me.
+
+Two months had greatly embellished the appearance of our abode; and it
+looked so green and gay, and was so fragrant from the summer flowers,
+that Pendarves, always alive to present objects and present impressions,
+exclaimed as we followed my mother through the grounds, "Dearest Helen!
+why should we ever leave this paradise of sweets? Here let us live and
+die!"
+
+"Agreed," said I; and my mother looked at us with delighted eyes, but
+eyes that beamed through tears.
+
+Calm and tranquil were the months that followed--though my husband's
+brow was always clouded when letters arrived bearing the London
+post-mark; and when I asked who his correspondent was, he answered,
+"Lord Charles;" but never communicated to me the contents of these
+letters.
+
+In walking, riding, receiving and paying visits, passed the time till
+September, when my husband had an invitation to spend a few days in
+Norfolk, on a shooting excursion; and when he returned he found me
+confined to my sofa with indisposition. Never had woman a tenderer nurse
+than he proved himself during the three succeeding months: at the end of
+that time I was quite recovered; and as he had business in London, he
+declared his intention of going thither for some days, as he could not
+bear, he said, to leave me some few months later, and when a time was
+approaching so dear to his wishes and expectations.
+
+To London therefore he went, and left me to combat and indulge
+alternately the fears of a jealous and the confidence of a tender wife.
+
+His letters became a study to me. I tried to find out by his expressions
+in what state of mind he wrote. Sometimes I fancied them hurried, and
+expressive of a mind not at ease with itself; then in another passage I
+read the unembarrassed eloquence of faithful and confiding love.
+
+During his absence my mother found me a bad companion: I was for ever
+falling into reverie, and a less penetrating eye than hers would have
+discovered that my symptoms were those of mental uneasiness.
+
+At length he returned, and he gazed on my faded cheek and evidently
+anxious countenance with such tender concern, that my care-worn brow
+instantly resumed its wonted cheerfulness; and when my mother came to
+welcome him, she was surprised at the alteration in my looks.
+
+"Foolish child!" said she in a faltering voice, when Pendarves left the
+room, "Foolish child! to depend thus for happiness, nay health and life
+itself perhaps, on one of frail and human mould! I see how it is with
+you: you were ill and anxious yesterday, but he is come, and you need no
+other physician."
+
+"Did you see much of Lord Charles?" said I the next day, looking
+earnestly for my needle while I spoke, as I was conscious that my
+countenance was not tranquil.
+
+"No--yes--on the whole I did. But why do you ask? I believe he is no
+favourite of yours."
+
+"Certainly not."
+
+"But I hope, Helen, you are not so _very_ a wife as to wish me to give
+up an old friend merely because he does not please you?"
+
+"No: I am not so unreasonable, even though I could give substantial
+reasons for my dislike."
+
+"And pray what are these reasons? Oh! that reminds me of a joke Lord
+Charles has against you, Helen. He tells me he is sure you thought that
+he fell in love with you when, on being first presented to you, he
+expressed his admiration in his usual frank way, which means nothing;
+for he says your prudery took alarm, and you drew up your beautiful
+neck to its utmost height, and have My lorded and Your lordship'd him
+ever since into the most awful distance."
+
+"True; but for a manner that means nothing, I never saw a manner more
+offensive to a modest wife. However, I am very glad he has been so
+clear-sighted as to my motives; for I wish him to know that I do not
+love such marked homage from him, or any other friend of yours, even in
+a joke."
+
+"You are piqued, Helen."
+
+"I am."
+
+"Perhaps you wish me to call Lord Charles out? But indeed were I to call
+out all the men who look at you with admiring eyes, I should soon sleep
+with my fathers, or send numbers to sleep with theirs. No, no, excuse
+me, Helen. I will not quarrel with Lord Charles; for even if the fire
+ever was kindled, your snow has now completely extinguished it; and I do
+assure you he is a very good fellow, though odd, and not always
+pleasant."
+
+"Is he paying his court to that Lady Bell?" said I, speaking her name
+with difficulty, and preceding it with an impertinent, _that_.
+
+"I really--I--cannot say positively. But that Lady Bell, as you
+emphatically call her, has quarrelled with that fine young man whom you
+saw at Ranelagh, and perhaps it is on his account."
+
+I said no more; for I saw his colour heighten, and that his manner was
+hurried: and I tried to believe that the quarrel was wholly on Lord
+Charles Belmour's account.
+
+I now however took myself seriously to task; for was I not violating a
+wife's duty in trying to find errors in the conduct of my husband? and
+was I not by so doing endangering my own peace of mind, my health, and
+consequently, in my situation, my life? Was I not also depressing those
+spirits, and weakening those powers of exertion which ought to make home
+agreeable and alluring to the dear object of my weak solicitude?
+
+The result of this severe self-examination was, that I resolutely
+determined to turn away from every anxious and jealous suggestion, to
+believe as long as I could, that my husband was as deserving of my
+love and confidence when absent as he was when present, and to make a
+vigorous effort to stop myself on my way to being a fretful, jealous,
+and miserable wife.
+
+Nor did I break my resolution, as you well know, my dear friend; for, if
+I had, you would never have even fancied that I deserved to be exhibited
+as an example of a wife's duty. But if I had not begun to school myself
+when I did, all would have been over with me.
+
+I cannot help observing here, that this painful jealousy, which I
+endured so early in my married life, was owing to my having, in despite
+of my mother's wise prohibition, united myself to a man of the steadiness
+of whose principles I had had too much reason to doubt; and I could not
+help saying to myself sometimes,--"If I had married De Walden, I should
+have had none of these misgivings."
+
+As the hour of my confinement drew nearer and nearer, Seymour's tender
+attentions increased; and at length, after severe suffering I became a
+mother; but scarcely had I been allowed to gaze upon my child, scarcely
+had I heard its first faint cry,--that sound which thrills so powerfully
+through the heart,--when its voice was stopt by death, and it closed its
+eyes for ever.
+
+I am afraid I should have borne this affliction very ill, had I not been
+obliged to exert myself to quiet the fears of my husband and my mother
+for my life, as they thought that the shock might be fatal.
+
+I had also to console them; for they were both grieved and disappointed.
+But their feelings were transitory; mine were still in full force when
+they believed they were forgotten: for, besides the sorrow I felt for
+the loss of that being whose helpless cry still vibrated in my ears, I
+felt that I had lost in it a strong cement to the tie which bound my
+husband to me. Nor till I found myself again likely to become a mother
+was I really consoled.
+
+A circumstance happened which induced me to conceal my situation; and
+this was an invitation which my mother received from the Count De
+Walden, to accompany his sister, and her husband back to Switzerland
+when they left England, which they were then visiting, and to stay some
+months with him and Ferdinand De Walden.
+
+This invitation I well knew she would refuse, if she knew that accepting
+it would prevent her being with me during my period of suffering; and I
+allowed her to depart for Switzerland, with the expectation of returning
+time enough to attend on me.
+
+I own that this was a great trial to my selfishness, as I knew I should
+miss her greatly: but I thought the excursion would be so pleasing a
+one to her, that I felt it my duty to make the sacrifice. I suffered my
+husband to remain in ignorance also, lest he should betray me to her:
+and I had judged rightly; for when I owned the truth to him, it was with
+great difficulty I could prevail on him not to write, and say I had
+deceived her.
+
+Alas! I had but too much reason to regret even this deception, which
+might be called a virtuous one.
+
+It so happened that I had no married friend, or near relation, who could
+come to be with me at that time; and as Pendarves wished me to have a
+female companion, I was induced to accept the eagerly proffered services
+of a young lady, the eldest daughter of a numerous family, who had
+conceived a great attachment to my husband and me, and was very
+solicitous to be with me during my confinement.
+
+This girl had such a warm and open manner, that I fancied her one of the
+most artless of human beings; and I was so weak as to consider the gross
+flattery which she lavished on me and on Pendarves, as the honest
+overflowings of an affectionate heart.
+
+I was, I own, a little startled when she used to kiss my husband's
+picture as it lay on my table, when she became my guest, and when I
+saw her come behind him, and cut off a lock of his hair, but as she
+afterwards begged for a piece of mine, that she might unite them in a
+locket, I considered this little circumstance as nothing but a flight
+of girlish romance.
+
+What Pendarves thought of it I know not; but he blushed excessively when
+he saw that I observed it, and tried to take the hair from her; on which
+a sort of romping ensued, that I thought vulgar, I own; but it called
+forth no other feeling.
+
+Perhaps had she been handsome I should not have been so easy; but she
+was in my eyes plain and could scarcely, I thought, be called a fine
+girl. Besides, I had heard Seymour say she was dowdy and awkward. But
+few men are proof against the flatteries and attentions of any woman
+who is not old and ugly; and I soon found, though without any jealous
+fear, that Charlotte Jermyn had power to amuse my husband, and that her
+enthusiastic admiration of every thing which she liked was a source of
+never-failing entertainment to him.
+
+He now was sufficiently intimate with her, he thought, to venture
+to hint the necessity of a reform in her dress; and she wore better
+clothes, became clean, if not neat, and in time she even learnt to look
+rather tidy; while Pendarves was flattered to see the effect of his
+admonitions, and used to reward her by challenging her to a long walk.
+
+At length, after I had been confined to my sofa some weeks, I had the
+happiness of giving birth to a daughter; and my young nurse was most
+kind and assiduous in her attendance upon me; indeed, so much so that
+she often shortened my husband's visits, on the kind plea that I was
+not yet strong enough to bear long ones from one so dear; and I, though
+reluctantly, dismissed him.
+
+But I soon observed that her own visits became very short; that she
+used still to kiss me, and call me "dearest creature!" and tell me how
+beautiful I looked in my night-cap: but now, when I asked for her I was
+told that she was gone out with Pendarves. And once, as he was standing
+by my bedside, she was not contented with saying he had been with me
+long enough, but she linked her arm in his, and dragged him away in a
+manner at once hoydenish and familiar.
+
+I also saw that though she loaded my sweet baby with caresses when he
+was present, and tried to take her from him, she scarcely noticed it
+when he was absent.
+
+Still I felt no distrust, because I had confidence in my husband's
+honour and affection. But I now saw that the countenances of my nurse
+and my maid, when I inquired for Miss Jermyn, used to assume an angry
+expression; and once my maid, muttered, that she supposed she was with
+her master, for he could not stir but she was after him.
+
+This I did not seem to hear; but it made me thoughtful.
+
+When I had been confined three weeks, I was able to leave my chamber
+for my dressing-room, which overlooked the garden; and one day, as I
+ventured to the window for the first time, I saw Charlotte Jermyn
+walking with my husband, and ever and anon hanging on his arm, almost
+leaning her head against him occasionally, and looking up in his face
+(he the while reading a book) with an expression of fondness which
+alarmed and disgusted me. I then saw her snatch the book from him; and
+as he tried to regain it, a great romping match ensued, and lasted till
+they ran out of my sight, and left me pale, motionless, and miserable.
+For I found that I had been exposing my husband to the allurements of a
+coquettish romp; and though I acquitted both him and her of aught that
+was wrong, I still felt that no prudent wife would place the man she
+loved in such a situation.
+
+Many, many a wife, it is well known, has had to rue the hour when at
+a period like this she has introduced into her family a young and
+seemingly attached friend.
+
+What was to be done? I saw that the servants were aware of what was
+passing, and they would not judge with the candour that I did.
+
+I therefore convinced myself that regard for my husband's reputation,
+and not jealousy, determined me to get down stairs and out again as fast
+as possible, in order that I might make some excuse for sending my
+dangerous attendant away, or at least be a guard over her conduct.
+
+But, to my great surprise and joy, my beloved mother arrived most
+unexpectedly that morning; for I had insisted on her not returning
+sooner on my account, as I was so well. However, she did come; and I
+received her with rapture for more reasons than one; for now I had an
+excuse for sending Miss Jermyn away directly, as I wanted the best room
+for my mother.
+
+Accordingly, I told her that in two day's time my mother would take up
+her abode with us for a few weeks; and that as Mrs. Jermyn had long been
+desirous of her return, I hoped she would hold herself in readiness to
+set off for home on the next day but one, as my mother always slept in
+the room which _she_ occupied.
+
+"O dearest Mrs. Seymour! do not send me away from you," cried the
+strange girl, clasping and wringing her hands, "or I shall die with
+grief; for I shall think you do not love me, and I shall never survive
+it!"
+
+The time for my belief in such rhodomontade was now happily past, and I
+coolly replied, "that in no other but the best and most convenient room
+in the house could I allow my mother to sleep; therefore she must go."
+
+"Why so, Mrs. Seymour? I can sleep any where. There is a press bed in
+the little room; and I care not where I sleep, so I am but permitted to
+stay."
+
+Here she attempted to throw her arms fondly round me, while she repeated,
+"Do, there's a sweet woman, do let me stay!"
+
+"Impossible!" I replied, disengaging myself with a look of aversion from
+her embrace. On which she started up and exclaimed,
+
+"I am sure some one has been telling you stories of me, and you are set
+against me!"
+
+"There is no one in this house, Miss Jermyn, who would presume to say
+any thing to me against any guest of mine."
+
+"And pray, does Mr. Pendarves know I am to be sent away at a moment's
+warning?"
+
+"He does not yet know that you are going away at two day's notice, to
+make room for my mother, and that I may enjoy her society, after a long
+absence, uninterrupted."
+
+"Oh! if that be all, I will promise never to interrupt your
+_tete-a-tetes_."
+
+"They will not be _tete-a-tetes_: my husband will be of our party."
+
+"And pray," answered she with great sullenness, "how am I to go home? I
+am sure Mr. Pendarves will not approve of my going home in the stage
+without a protector."
+
+"Nor would his wife: and I will settle the mode of conveyance with him."
+
+"Oh! if I must go, I will see if I cannot settle that myself."
+
+At this moment my mother entered the room, and with her my husband; and
+Miss, to hide her disordered countenance, abruptly disappeared.
+
+"What is the matter with Miss Jermyn?" said Seymour: and I told him, but
+in a voice that was not as assured as I wished it to be.
+
+"So soon!" cried he, starting. "Is it not too sudden? Will it not look
+as if she was sent away in a hurry?"
+
+"Sent away in a hurry!" exclaimed my mother, looking earnestly in his
+face. "Why should any one suspect that?"
+
+"Oh, dear! No one ought, certainly; but after her having staid so
+long--However, I think she has been here long enough, and the sooner she
+goes the better."
+
+"Then, as you think thus, and her mother has long wished for her, her
+departure shall remain fixed for the day after to-morrow, and"--Here I
+was interrupted by Seymour's being called out of the room: he did not
+return for some minutes; when he did, he seemed disturbed.
+
+During his absence the nurse brought me my child; and both my mother and
+myself were too agreeably engaged with her to talk of Charlotte Jermyn.
+But Seymour's evident abstraction and uneasy countenance drew my
+mother's attention to him; and after a moment's thought she said, "That
+seems a very strange presuming girl, Seymour; and I really think with
+you it is time she were gone."
+
+"Oh, yes, certainly! and she is very willing to go."
+
+"So much the better," replied my mother; while I suppressed, for fear
+of alarming her suspicions, the "How do you know that?" which was on my
+lips; for, if her feelings were so changed, he must have changed them;
+and she it was who had desired him to be called out of the room.
+
+Seymour's horses now came to the door; but before he left us I begged to
+know how he meant Miss Jermyn should travel.
+
+"She came," said I, "in the coach which passes our gate; but then her
+mother's maid came with her, and I cannot spare a servant to attend
+her."
+
+"I can drive her home in my curricle: if we set off at five in the
+morning, we can perform the journey with ease before dark."
+
+Pendarves said this in a hurried conscious manner, which did not escape
+the quick eye of my mother; and while I hesitated how I could best
+word my decided objection to this plan, which would I knew excite
+disagreeable observations amongst the servants, that ever watchful
+friend replied, "Hear my plan, which is far better than yours. The
+mornings are yet dark and cold at five: lend me your horses for my
+chariot; and as I want to visit a friend of De Walden's, who lives
+half way to Mr. Jermyn's, with whom I have business, I will take this
+opportunity of going. My maid shall accompany us, and while I stay at
+Mr. Dumont's she shall see Miss Jermyn safe to her father's."
+
+"Well, if Miss Jermyn likes this plan."
+
+"She would prefer going with you, no doubt," said I smiling; "but as
+this plan will be a convenience to my mother, we need not consult her
+wishes."
+
+"O no! very true, very true," said he in a fluttered tone (_but not
+owning that he had promised to drive her_): "and when I return from my
+ride, I shall expect to find you have arranged every thing with her."
+
+He then ran down stairs and galloped off, as if to avoid speaking to
+Charlotte; for I saw her from the window run along the path to the road,
+to catch his eye if she could, and give him a signal to stop and speak
+to her.
+
+Soon after she joined us; and I thought I saw a triumphant meaning on
+her countenance, which increased to a look of almost avowed exultation,
+when, on my saying, "Now let us tell you how we have arranged matters
+for your journey," she eagerly interrupted me, and exclaimed, "Oh! I
+have arranged that with Mr. Pendarves, and he is to drive me in his
+curricle."
+
+I did not answer her, for her look disconcerted me; but my mother did,
+coldly saying, "Mr. Pendarves did mean to do so, but for my convenience
+he has changed his plan."
+
+She then went on to inform her what the new plan was; and the mortified
+indignant girl burst into tears, and left the room.
+
+"That is a very self-willed, pernicious young person, I suspect,"
+observed my mother: "but I flatter myself that her journey with me will
+do her some good; at least, if it does not, it shall not be my fault."
+
+Then, being too wise and too delicate to say more, she changed the
+subject: nor was any allusion made to Miss Jermyn till Seymour returned
+on foot; for he left his horse at the stables; and as he saw us in the
+drawing-room, which was on the ground floor, he came in at the window,
+being impatient, he said, to welcome me down stairs.
+
+But he had probably another reason for that mode of entrance. He feared,
+I suspect, that Charlotte Jermyn would want to speak to him, and he was
+not disposed to listen to her reproaches for having given up his design
+of driving her home.
+
+My suspicions were confirmed by my seeing her walking along the path
+which commanded the approach to the house, and this path Seymour had
+avoided by going to the stables: but she did not long remain there, for
+on looking towards the house she saw my husband standing at the window
+with me, with one arm round my waist, while with his other hand he was
+stroking the cheek of the child which I held to my bosom, and was
+rocking to rest.
+
+Happy as I was at this moment, I could not help throwing a hasty glance
+towards this strange girl, who now rapidly drew near; and as she passed
+the window curtsied to us, with a countenance in which every unamiable
+feeling seemed to be uppermost.
+
+She then threw open the hall door with violence, threw it to with the
+same force, then ran to her own chamber, and closed the door of that
+with such energy that it could be heard all over the house. Nor did we
+see her again till dinner, when, though she had taken uncommon pains
+with her dress, her eyes were swelled with crying, and her whole
+appearance so indicative of gentle sorrow that Seymour's voice softened
+even into tenderness when he addressed her, and mine was consequently
+as strikingly cold and severe. Meanwhile, my mother was a silent but an
+observant spectator; and both Pendarves and Miss Jermyn seemed oppressed
+by the penetrating glance of her eye.
+
+In the evening Seymour proposed reading to us aloud; and as I wished to
+sit up late for reasons you may easily guess, I was glad of so good an
+excuse as staying to hear an interesting book would be: but I had reason
+to repent having allowed feeling to prevail over prudence: for when
+my mother came to me the next day she found I had caught cold, and,
+together with the fatigue of sitting up too late, was in no condition
+to go down that day at all. Nor could my mother bear to leave me:
+consequently, I had the mortification of finding that in trying to avoid
+a slight evil I had fallen into a greater. But my mother, who had, I
+doubt not, heard from her maid what the servants had observed, requested
+Miss Jermyn would be so kind as to sit with us, and teach her two sorts
+of work which she excelled in; and she could not without great incivility
+refuse compliance. However, at the hour when she was accustomed to
+walk with Seymour, she started up, declaring she could stay no longer,
+because it was her last day there, and she was sure Mr. Pendarves would
+walk with her. We could not object to this on any proper ground; and she
+was putting her knitting and netting into her work bag, when we heard a
+carriage drive to the door, and a servant came up to inform me that Lord
+Charles Belmour was below, and his master desired him to say he meant to
+dine with us.
+
+Little did I think that Lord Charles would ever be a welcome guest to
+me; but at this moment he was so, for I saw that Charlotte Jermyn looked
+disappointed. My joy however vanished when I recollected that it was by
+no means desirable Lord Charles should witness this indiscreet girl's
+evident attachment to Pendarves; and just before she went to her own
+apartment, my mother said, to my great relief, "You must then dine with
+us to-day, Miss Jermyn; for you are too young and too old at the same
+time to be the only female at a table where Lord Charles Belmour is."
+
+"Well, if I _must_, I must," was her reply; and she left us.
+
+But while I was rejoicing that circumstances would force her to dine
+with us, I heard her rapidly ascending the stairs; and throwing open the
+door hastily, she told us, with a look of delight, that she was going
+to walk; for Lord Charles had brought his sister Lady Harriet with
+him, whom he was conveying home from school for the holidays, and Mr.
+Pendarves had told her she must do the honours to the young lady as I
+was not able to attend her. "And so," she added, "I must also dine
+below, for he told me so." And without waiting for our opinion or reply,
+she again disappeared, and we soon after saw her laughing with Lord
+Charles on the lawn, as if she had known him for years.
+
+"How he will show her off," said my mother, "to-day! That young man has
+more ingenuous malignity about him than any one I ever saw. When I was
+nursing Seymour at Oxford, he came to see him; and in order to make the
+poor invalid laugh, he used to make masters, deans, and fellow-commoners
+pass in rapid succession before us, like the distorted figures in a
+magic lantern."
+
+This view of what was likely to happen was a relief to my mind; for I
+had not expected that Lord Charles would try to draw her forth for his
+own amusement; I had feared he would be contented to amuse himself with
+observing her admiration of Pendarves.
+
+When they returned from their walk, I was vexed to observe that Lady
+Harriet held her brother's arm, not my husband's; and I also saw that
+Charlotte leaned on him, and looked up in his face in the same improper
+manner as she did when they were alone. I was very glad that Lord
+Charles and his sister walked before them.
+
+Pendarves now came up stairs to beg, as I was not able to dine below, or
+see Lord Charles otherwise, that I would go to the window and kiss my
+hand to him in token of welcome; for that he was afraid to stay, because
+he believed he was a disagreeable guest, and that I kept up stairs
+merely because he was come. He also begged that I would after dinner
+admit Lady Harriet for a few minutes.
+
+I promised compliance with both these requests, and went to the window
+directly.
+
+Lord Charles answered my really cordial salutation with a most lowly
+bow, and a countenance meant to express every thing that was respectful
+and courteous, and drew from my mother, to whom he also bowed, the
+observation of "Graceful coxcomb!" Now do I fancy him saying within
+himself, 'There, I have made that haughty old woman believe that I
+respect her and her loftiness to her heart's content.'
+
+Pendarves could not help smiling at this right reading, as it probably
+was, of his satirical friend's thoughts: but he assured her that
+admiration the most unbounded was, as well as respect, felt by his
+friend towards her; and that he considered a woman of her age as in the
+prime of her charms.
+
+"Nonsense!" cried my mother; and my husband, laughing, returned to Lord
+Charles.
+
+Charlotte Jermyn did not come to us before she went down to dinner, as
+she had Lady Harriet with her; but, when they left the dinner-room, I
+desired to see them in mine: and for the first time I thought her
+pretty; for her cheeks glowed with a very brilliant and becoming
+colour, which added to the fire of her eyes; and her dress was neat
+and lady-like. She had the countenance, too, of one who had been much
+commended, and felt certain that the commendations were sincere.
+
+"I am glad she is going to-morrow," said I mentally, and I sighed at the
+same time. Lady Harriet was a good foil to her, except in manners: for
+there could be no comparison: and by the side of Lady Harriet, Miss
+Jermyn was pretty.
+
+As soon as they had had coffee the brother and sister drove off, but not
+before Lord Charles had fixed to return that day fortnight to dinner, on
+condition of my dining below.
+
+When they were gone my mother went down to make the tea; and after that
+meal was ended she asked if there was any objection to Seymour's going
+on in my dressing-room with the book which he began the night before,
+and in his reading till it was time for me to go to rest.
+
+He complied instantly, and read till I was tired.
+
+My mother then proposed that he should read me to sleep: to this also he
+agreed, and while I lay with the curtains closed round, my mother, he
+and Charlotte sat round the fire; and it was eleven before I ceased to
+hear, and Pendarves retired to his own chamber.
+
+My mother then went away, desiring Charlotte to be ready at six, as she
+should breakfast with her at that hour. But, as I afterwards found, she
+reached our house on foot before six, and just as Pendarves came down
+stairs.
+
+By these apparently undesigned circumstances my mother prevented any
+scene that might have called forth unpleasant observations in the
+family; but, she could not prevent a most sorrowful parting on the side
+of the young lady. She wept, she sobbed, she leaned against Seymour's
+shoulder when he put his lips to her cheek; and he was nearly obliged to
+carry her to the carriage; for she declared she would not go till she
+had taken leave of me: but my mother was as positive that I should not
+be disturbed, and Pendarves gently forced her to the door.
+
+What passed between my mother and her when they were on the journey and
+alone,--for the maid always preferred travelling outside,--I do not
+know: but I suspect that she animadverted on her conduct and want of
+self-control in a manner more judicious than pleasant.
+
+During these vexatious occurrences I must own that it was a sort of
+comfort to me, that my aunt Pendarves had such inflamed eyes that she
+could not write; for otherwise the chances were that she might hear
+some exaggerated accounts of our visitor's conduct, and might think it
+necessary to address one of us on the subject, and give us good advice.
+
+Well: this pernicious girl was gone, and my mind at ease again. Still,
+I feared that she had done me a serious injury: not that I believed she
+had alienated my husband's heart from me, or from propriety; but she
+had been the first person to accustom him to find amusement at home
+independent of me and of the exertion of my talents. He was an indolent
+man, and she had amused him, and beguiled away his hours, without
+obliging him to any exertion of mind. Besides, she was not only a new
+companion, but a new conquest. He was certainly flattered by it, and
+evidently interested. I was led to draw these conclusions by observing
+the gapish state into which Pendarves fell the day after her departure.
+
+He seemed to miss an accustomed dram. He gave me indeed, on my
+requesting it, a lesson in Spanish, which I had long neglected; but he
+seemed to do it as if it was a trouble, and he was too absent to make
+the lesson of much use. I however forbore to remark what I could not but
+painfully feel, and I fancied that my best plan would be to contrive
+some new objects of interest at home, if I could: but on second thoughts
+I resolved to propose that he should visit a sick friend of his at
+Malvern hills, for a few days, as I believed it not to be for my
+interest he should stay to contrast his present with his late home; but
+that he should go away to return from an invalid and the cold hills of
+Malvern, to me and his own comfortable dwelling.
+
+I no sooner named my plan to him than he eagerly caught at it, declaring
+that he wished to go, but feared that I should think the wish unkind.
+Accordingly, he only staid to see my mother comfortably settled as my
+guest, and then set off for Malvern. Nor did he return till three or
+four days before he expected Lord Charles. By that time I had recovered
+my bloom and my strength, and our infant had acquired a fortnight's
+growth,--an interesting event in the life of a young parent; and I
+assure you it was thought such by Pendarves: and while he complimented
+me on my restored comeliness, and held his little Helen in his arms, I
+felt that he had no thought or wish beyond those whom he clasped and
+looked upon.
+
+I could now join him again in his walks, and in his rides or drives.
+
+My mother threw a great charm over our evenings by her descriptions of
+the country which she had so lately seen, and of the scientific men with
+whom she had associated. But Seymour and I both fancied that she was
+rather reserved and embarrassed when she talked of Count De Walden. Nor
+could I help being desirous of finding out the reason. One day I told
+her how sorry I was to think that she shortened her agreeable visit
+entirely on my account; but, as if thrown off her guard, she eagerly
+replied, "Oh, no! I was very glad of an excuse for coming away;" and
+this was followed by such manifest confusion of countenance and manner,
+that I suspected the reason, and at last I prevailed on her to confess
+it.
+
+The truth was that Count De Walden, who had admired her in America, when
+she was a wife, as much as an honourable man can admire the wife of
+another, could not live in the same house with a woman still lovely, and
+even more than ever intellectual and agreeable, without feeling for her
+a very sincere affection; and as their ages were suitable, he made her
+proposals of marriage of the most advantageous and generous nature. But
+my mother could not love again: and though at her time of life, and that
+of her lover, she thought that mutual esteem and the wish to secure a
+companion for declining years was a sufficient excuse for a second
+marriage; still, she had an unconquerable aversion to form any connexion,
+and more especially one which would remove her to such a distance from
+me. When she told me how strongly she had been solicited, and that the
+advantages which she should ultimately secure to me by this union were
+held up to her in so seducing a light, as nearly once to overset her
+resolution, I was so overcome by the thought of the escape which I had
+had, that I threw my arms round her, and bursting into an agony of tears
+exclaimed, "What could have ever made me amends for losing you? The very
+idea of it kills me."
+
+My mother was excessively affected when I said this; but I soon saw that
+her tears were not tears of tenderness alone; and looking at me with an
+expression of sadness on her countenance, she said, "Two years ago, my
+poor child, you would have better borne the idea of such a separation;
+and had I been a jealous person I should have been hurt to see how
+completely a husband can supersede even a mother. But I was pleased to
+see this, because I saw in it a proof that you were a happy wife: but
+perhaps you have now an idea, though still a happy wife I trust, of the
+great value of a parent, and can appreciate more justly that love which
+nothing can ever alienate, or ever render less."
+
+What could I answer her, and how?
+
+I did not attempt to speak, but I continued to hold her in my arms, and
+at last I could utter, "No, no, I never, never can bear to part with
+you."
+
+That day Lord Charles Belmour came, according to his promise, and just
+as I had convinced myself that it was my duty to overcome my dislike
+to him, and to endeavour to convert him from an enemy into a friend.
+Accordingly, I went down to dinner prepared to receive him with even
+smiles; but recollecting, when I saw him, his impudent assertion, that
+his admiration of me meant nothing, and that I was an alarmed prude, my
+usual coldness came over me, while the deepest blushes dyed my cheeks.
+
+However, I extended my hand to him, which he kissed and pressed; and as
+he relinquished it he turned up his eyes and muttered "Angelic woman!"
+in a manner so equivocal, that, consistent as it seemed with "his joke
+against me," I could not help giving way to evident laughter.
+
+Lord Charles was too quick of apprehension to be affronted at my mirth;
+on the contrary he felt assured and flattered by it. He had expressed
+his admiration only in derision and impertinence, and as he saw that I
+understood him, he felt we were much nearer being friends than we had
+ever been before; and when our eyes met, a look almost amounting to one
+of kindness passed between us. Lord Charles now became particularly
+animated; but some allusion which he made to Lady Bell Singleton, while
+addressing my husband, made me distrustful again, and I relapsed into
+my usual manner; and he was My Lord and Your Lordship, during the rest
+of the dinner. Nor could I be insensible to the look of menace which I
+subsequently beheld in his countenance. It was not long before the storm
+burst on my devoted head.
+
+"My dear madam," said he in his most affected manner, "you are a
+prodigiously kind and obliging help-mate, to provide your _caro sposo_
+with so charming a _locum tenens_ when you are confined to your
+apartments. I found my friend here with the prettiest young creature for
+a companion! and then so loving she was!"
+
+"Loving!" said I involuntarily.
+
+"Oh, yes. Allow me to give you an idea of her." Immediately, to the
+great annoyance of my husband, with all his powers of mimickry, he
+exhibited the manner and look of Charlotte Jermyn, when looking up in
+Seymour's face, and leaning against his arm, as I had myself seen her
+do.
+
+"Is not that like her?"
+
+"Very," replied I forcing a laugh.
+
+"Now shall I mimick your husband, and show you how _he_ looked in
+return? Shall I paint the bashful but delighted consciousness which his
+look expressed--the stolen glance, the--"
+
+"Hush, hush!" cried Pendarves, anger struggling with confusion. "This is
+fancy painting, and I like nothing but portraits."
+
+During this time I observed a struggle in my mother's breast, and I sat
+in terror lest she should say something severe to the noble mimick, and
+make matters worse.
+
+But after this evident struggle, which I alone observed, she leaned her
+arms on the table, and fixed her powerful eyes steadfastly on Lord
+Charles, looking at him as if she would have dived into the inmost
+recesses of his heart.
+
+It was in vain that he endeavoured to escape their searching glance;
+even his assurance felt abashed, and his malignant spirit awed, till his
+audacious and ill-intentioned banter was looked into silence, and he
+asked for another bumper of claret to drink my health. I was before
+overpowered with gratitude to the judicious yet quiet interference of
+this admirable parent, and the recollection of our morning's conversation
+was still present to me. No wonder, therefore, that my spirits were
+easily affected, and that I felt my eyes fill with tears.
+
+At this moment I luckily heard my child cry; and faltering out, "Hark!
+that was my child's voice," I hastened to the door; but unfortunately
+the pocket-hole of my muslin gown caught in the arm of my mother's
+chair, and Lord Charles insisted on extricating me.
+
+I could now no longer prevent the tears from flowing down my cheeks;
+which being perceived by him, he said, in a sort of undertone, "Amiable
+sensibility! There I see a mother's feelings!" On which my mother,
+provoked beyond endurance, said, in a low voice, but I overheard it, "My
+lord, my daughter has a wife's feelings also."
+
+I was now disengaged happily, and I ran out of the room.
+
+When I arrived in the nursery I found I was not wanted. I therefore
+retired to my own apartment, where I gave way to a violent burst of
+tears. I had scarcely recovered myself, and had bathed my eyes again and
+again in rose water, when my husband entered the room.
+
+He had witnessed my emotion, and he could not be easy without coming to
+inquire after me, on pretence that the child's cry had alarmed him.
+
+This affectionate attention was not lost upon me, and I went down stairs
+with him with restored spirits, and in perfect composure.
+
+My mother, who had walked to her own house, was only just entering the
+door as we appeared; therefore Lord Charles had been left alone; and
+whether he thought this an affront to his dignity or not, I cannot tell;
+but we did not find him in a more amiable mood than when we left him.
+
+After looking at me very earnestly, while sipping his coffee, he came
+close up to me, and said, resuming his most affected tone, "Pray! what
+eye-water do you use?"
+
+"Rose water only," was my reply.
+
+"Very bad, 'pon honour; I must send you some of mine, as you are a
+person of exquisite sensibility, and I fancy it is likely to be tried.
+Upon my word, it took me a week to compose it; and as I occasionally
+read novels, and the _Tete-a-tete Magazine_, (which is, you know,
+exceedingly affecting), I use it continually in order to preserve the
+lustre of my eyes; and you see that in spite of my acute feelings they
+retain all their pristine brilliancy."
+
+As he said this, neither Pendarves nor myself, though provoked at his
+noticing my swelled eyes, could retain our gravity; for the eyes, which
+he had thus opened to their utmost extent, were of that description
+known by the name of boiled gooseberries, and were really dead eyes,
+except when the rays of satirical intelligence forced themselves through
+them: for the sake of exciting a laugh, he had now dismissed from them
+every trace of meaning, and consequently every tint of colour.
+
+His purpose effected, he resumed his sarcastic expression; and turning
+from me with a look full of sarcastic meaning, he said, "Ah! _comme de
+coutume_--after tragedy comes farce."
+
+My mother now asked him whether he had ever seen her house and garden;
+and on his answering in the negative, she challenged him to take a walk
+with her.
+
+"I never," replied he, bowing very low, "refused the challenge of a fine
+woman in my life; and till my horses come round, I am at your service,
+madam." Then, hiding his real chagrin under a thousand impertinent
+grimaces, he followed my mother.
+
+"I would give something to hear their conversation," said Pendarves,
+thoughtfully.
+
+"And so would I: no doubt it will be monitory on her part."
+
+"Monitory! What for?"
+
+"If you do not know, I am sure I shall not tell you."
+
+And with an expression of conscious embarrassment on his countenance,
+my husband asked me to walk with him round the shrubbery.
+
+My mother and Lord Charles did not return till the carriage was driving
+up. We examined their countenances with a very scrutinizing eye; but on
+my mother's all we could distinguish was her usual expression of placid
+and dignified intelligence; that of Lord Charles exhibited its usual
+_cattish_ and alarming look.
+
+What had passed, therefore, we could not guess; but we saw very clearly,
+that we should not be justified in joking on the subject of their
+_tete-a-tete_; and simply saying that it was beyond the time fixed for
+his departure, Lord Charles now respectfully kissed my hand, and told
+Pendarves he hoped he should soon see him in London. He then left the
+room without taking the smallest notice of my mother, and was driving
+off before my husband could ask him a reason of conduct so strange.
+
+"Pray, madam," said Pendarves, when he returned into the room, "did Lord
+Charles take leave of you?"
+
+"He did not."
+
+"Then I solemnly declare that before we ever meet again he shall give me
+a sufficient reason for his impertinence, or apologize to you; for there
+lives not the being who shall dare, while I live, to affront you with
+impunity."
+
+"My dear, dear son," cried my mother, "look not so like, so _very_
+like--"
+
+Here her voice failed her, and she leant on Seymour's shoulder, while he
+affectionately embraced her. Dear to my heart were any tokens of love
+which passed between my mother and my husband.
+
+Seymour's strong likeness to my father in moments of great excitement
+always affected her thus, and endeared him to her.
+
+When my mother recovered herself, she desired Pendarves would remain
+quiet, and not trouble himself to revenge her quarrels.
+
+"Indeed," said she, "I am much flattered, and not affronted, by the
+rudeness of Lord Charles, as it proves that what I said to him gave him
+the pain which I intended. The wound therefore will rankle for some
+time, and produce a good effect. Nor should I be surprised if he were to
+send me a letter of apology in a day or two; for, if I read him aright,
+he has understanding enough to value the good opinion of a respectable
+woman, and would rather be on amicable terms with me than not."
+
+"I hope you are right," replied Pendarves; "for I do not wish to quarrel
+with him: yet I will never own as my friend the man who fails in respect
+to you."
+
+"I thank you, my dear son," said my mother with great feeling, and the
+evening passed in the most delightful and intimate communion. Nor I
+really believe, were Charlotte Jermyn or Lord Charles again remembered.
+So true is it, that when the tide of family affection runs smooth and
+unbroken, it bears the bark of happiness securely on its bosom.
+
+Shortly after Lord Charles's visit I was so unwell, that I was
+forbidden to nurse my child any longer, and I had to endure the painful
+trial of weaning and surrendering her to the bosom of another. But most
+evils in this life, even to our mortal vision, are attended with a
+counter-balancing good.
+
+At this time it was the height of the gay season in London, and I saw
+that my husband began to grow tired of home, and sigh for the busy
+scenes of the metropolis, whither, had I been still a nurse, I could not
+have accompanied him: but now, however unwilling I might be to leave my
+infant, I felt that it must not interfere with the duty which I owed its
+father; for my mother had often said, and my own observation confirmed
+the truth of the saying, that alienation between husband and wife has
+often originated in the woman's losing sight of the duty and attention
+she owes the father of her children, in exclusive fondness and attention
+to the children themselves, and she often warned me against falling into
+this error.
+
+She therefore highly approved my intention to leave my babe under her
+care, and accompany Pendarves to London, where she well knew he was
+exposed to temptations and to dangers against which my presence might
+probably secure him.
+
+"Yes: my child!" said she, as if thinking aloud, for I am sure she did
+not intend to grieve me, "Yes, go with your husband while you can, and
+have as few separate pleasures and divided hours as possible; for they
+lead to divided hearts. But if you have a large family you will not be
+able to leave home. Go therefore while you can, and while I am with
+you, and turn me to account while I am still here to serve you. That
+time I know will be short enough!"
+
+It is not in the power of language to convey an adequate idea of the
+agony with which I listened to these words. Never before had my mother
+so pointedly alluded to her conviction that her health was decaying; and
+if the idea of separation from her by a happy marriage was so painful to
+my feelings, what must be the idea of that terrible and eternal
+separation?
+
+Pendarves came in in the midst of my distress and almost fiercely
+demanded who had been so cruelly afflicting me, fearing, no doubt, that
+I had heard something concerning him, and naturally enough conceiving
+that no great grief could reach me, except through that or from him.
+
+My mother gently replied, "She has been afflicting herself, foolish
+child! I said, unwillingly I allow, what might have prepared her for an
+unavoidable evil; but she chooses to fancy, poor thing! that I am not
+mortal: yet, see here, Seymour!" As she said this she turned up her long
+loose sleeves, and showed him her once fine arm fallen away
+comparatively to nothing!
+
+I never saw my husband much more affected: he seized that faded arm,
+and, pressing it repeatedly to his lips, turned away and burst into
+tears--then folding us in one embrace he faltered out, "My poor Helen!
+Well indeed might I find you thus!" But my mother solemnly promised that
+she would never so afflict me again.
+
+In the midst of this scene a letter was brought to my mother. It was
+from Lord Charles, and was so like the man, that I shall transcribe it.
+
+     "Madam,
+
+     "I doubt not but you were amazed, and probably offended, at my
+     quitting the house of your son-in-law without taking leave of
+     you, as you are not a woman likely to think my silence at the
+     moment of parting from you was to be attributed to the
+     tender passion which I had conceived for your beauty and
+     accomplishments. But, madam, if my silence was not attributable
+     to love, so neither was it caused by hate; and I beg leave, hat
+     in hand, and on bended knee, to explain whence my conduct
+     proceeded. In the first place, madam, you had given me a blow, a
+     stunning blow; and after a man has been stunned, he does not soon
+     recover himself sufficiently to know what he is about, and how he
+     ought to behave. In the next place, I endeavoured to remember how
+     the great Earl of Essex behaved when Queen Elizabeth gave him a
+     blow, or in other words a box on the ear (for blow I need not
+     tell a lady of your erudition is the _genus_, and box on the ear
+     the _species_). Now that noble Earl did not return the blow
+     (which I own I was very much inclined to do), but he departed in
+     silence from her presence, I believe; and so _I_ in imitation of
+     _him_ from yours. Methinks I hear you exclaim 'The little lord is
+     mad! I gave him no blow.' Not with your hand, I own; but with
+     your tongue, 'that unruly member,' as St. James so justly calls
+     it; you gave me a tingling blow on the cheek of my mind, which
+     it still feels, and for which perhaps it may be the better. It is
+     this consideration, and the belief that your motives were kind,
+     though your treatment was rough, and that you only meant, like
+     the bear in the fable, to guard me from a slight evil, though you
+     broke my head in doing it; it is this belief, I say, that now
+     throws me thus a suppliant at your feet, and makes me beg of you
+     to excuse all my rudeness, and all my faults, whether caused by
+     imitation of Lord Essex, or my own sinful propensities, and to
+     raise me up to receive not the kiss of peace, for to that I dare
+     not aspire, but to grasp and carry to my heart the white hand
+     tendered to me in token of forgiveness.
+
+     "I am, madam, with the liveliest esteem, and the deepest respect,
+     your obliged, though stricken servant,
+                                                   "CHARLES FIREBRAND."
+
+"Ridiculous person!" said my mother, when she had finished the letter,
+giving it to me at the same time.
+
+When I had read it, I asked her to tell us what she had said to him.
+"And why," said Pendarves, "does he sign himself Charles Firebrand?"
+
+"Oh! thereby hangs a tale," said my mother blushing, "which I, I assure
+you, shall not tell: therefore ask me no questions. If ever Lord Charles
+and I meet again, the white hand shall be tendered to him. Nay, perhaps
+I shall answer his letter."
+
+And so she did; but we never saw what she wrote: however, I am
+convinced, that she had called him a firebrand, and reproved him for his
+evident desire of making mischief between my husband and me. Nor can I
+doubt but that the justice of her reproofs made them more stinging to
+the heart of the offender, and that he felt at the time a degree of
+unspeakable and unutterable resentment, on which his cooler judgment
+made him feel it impolitic to act; for he had, as my mother said, too
+much good sense not to value her acquaintance.
+
+I must now return to Charlotte Jermyn. I forgot to say, that she wrote a
+very fawning letter of thanks to me after her return home, thanking me
+for my kindness to her, and hoping that I would send for her again
+whenever she could be of any service to me. I have reason to think that
+she also wrote more than once to my husband: but he never communicated
+what she wrote to me; and I had the mortification to find how vainly I
+had tried to give him those habits of openness and ingenuousness which
+can alone render the nearest and tenderest ties productive of confidence
+and happiness.
+
+Now, after a silence of four months, she again wrote to me to inform me
+that she was married to a young ensign in a marching regiment quartered
+near her father's house; but as it was against her father's consent, she
+had been forced to go to Gretna Green, and that her father, Mr. Jermyn,
+continued inexorable.
+
+This letter I communicated to my husband, who was, I found, already
+acquainted with the circumstance, though he did not tell me by what
+means he knew it. He also told me that her father has since assured her
+of his forgiveness; but told her at the same time, that he could bestow
+on her nothing else, as he had ten children, and a small income; and
+that the young couple had nothing to live upon except the pay of an
+ensign of foot.
+
+"I am sure _I_ can do nothing for her," Pendarves added; "for my own
+wants, or rather my expenses, are beyond my means."
+
+"And were they not," answered I, "I do not feel that Charlotte Jermyn,
+or rather Mrs. Saunders, has any claims on you."
+
+"Still, I would not let her starve, if I could help it; but I cannot."
+
+I did not like to ask whether she had applied to him to lend her money;
+but I suspected that she had, and that he had refused: for soon after
+I saw him receive a letter, which he read with an angry and flushed
+countenance, and thrust into the fire, muttering as he did so,
+
+"Confounded fool, insolent!"
+
+I felt, however, that her visit to me, and the terms which we had been
+upon, made it indispensable for me to give her a wedding gift, and I
+sent her money instead of a present in consideration of her poverty,
+desiring her to buy what she wanted most in remembrance of me. My letter
+and its contents, much to the annoyance of us both, she answered in
+person, bringing her husband with her; and they came with so evident
+an intention of staying all night, spite of the coldness of their
+reception, that we were forced to offer them a bed.
+
+The next day, however, even their assurance was not proof against the
+repelling power of our cold civility, and they departed, neither of us
+prejudiced in favour of the husband, and leaving me disgusted by the
+wife's forward behaviour to Pendarves.
+
+I now, according to my mother's advice, proposed to Pendarves a visit to
+London: but, to my great surprise, he seemed to have no relish for the
+scheme; and telling me we would talk further about it, he dropped the
+subject.
+
+Most gladly should I have welcomed this unwillingness to go to London,
+if I could have attributed it to a preference for home and for the
+country; but I had no reason to do this, and I feared it proceeded only
+from inability to meet the expenses of a London establishment, even for
+a few weeks; and of this I was soon convinced.
+
+I told you a few pages back, that I was so cruel as to rejoice in my
+aunt's being rendered unable to write, by a violent inflammation in the
+eyes; but as that did not deprive her of locomotion, most unexpectedly
+one day, Mr. and Mrs. Pendarves drove up to my mother's door, and soon
+after she accompanied them to our house. I was dressing when they
+arrived, and I saw myself change even to alarming paleness when my
+mother came up to announce them. I also saw she was as much disconcerted
+as I was.
+
+"Oh! if my dear uncle had but come alone," said she, "the visit would
+have been delightful!" But, here we were interrupted by Pendarves, who
+came in with "So, Helen! I suppose you know who is come. Oh! that one
+could but transfer the disease from the eyes to the tongue, and bandage
+that up instead of the former! What shall we do? For, probably, as she
+can't use her eyes, she makes her tongue work double tide."
+
+"Suppose," replied I, "we bribe our surgeon to assure her that entire
+silence is the only cure for inflamed eyes?"
+
+"The best thing we can do," observed my mother, "is to bear with
+fortitude this unavoidable evil; and also to try to remember her virtues
+more than her faults."
+
+When I went down, I found my mother admiring her beaver hat and
+feathers.
+
+"Yes," she replied, "I think my beaver very pretty. What is it the mad
+poet says about 'my beaver?' Oh! I have it--
+
+ 'When glory like a plume of feathers stood
+  Perched on my beaver in the briny flood.'"
+
+"Do you then bathe in the sea with your beaver on?" said my mother.
+
+"Well! there's a question for a sensible woman!" cried my aunt, not
+seeing the sarcasm: then turning to me, she welcomed me with a cordial
+kiss; but I was struck by the great coldness with which she greeted
+Seymour.
+
+My uncle, however, received us both with the kindest manner possible.
+
+But I forgave all her oddness, when she saw my child; for praise of her
+child always finds its way to a mother's heart; and she was in raptures
+with its beauty. She pitied me too for being forced to give her up to
+a nurse; but she added, "I hope she is not, to use the words of the
+bard, a
+
+ 'Stern rugged nurse, with rigid lore,
+  Our patience many a year to bore.'"
+
+Then renewing her caresses and her praises, she banished from my
+remembrance for a while all but her affectionate heart.
+
+At dinner, however, she restored to me my fears of her, and my dislike
+to her visit; for she called my husband Mr. Seymour Pendarves at every
+word, though my mother she called Julia, and me Helen;--wishing, as I
+saw, to point out to every one that _he_ was not in her good graces. But
+why? Alas! I doubted not but I should hear too soon; and, feeling myself
+a coward, I carefully avoided being alone with her that evening.
+
+What she had to tell I knew not, and whether it regarded Charlotte
+Jermyn or Lady Bell; but I summoned up resolution to ask Pendarves
+whether he had ever visited Lady Bell Singleton in company with Lord
+Charles; and without hesitation, though with great confusion, he owned
+that he had.
+
+"What! more than once?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Why did you not tell me of it?"
+
+"Because I thought, after what you had heard, it might make you uneasy."
+
+"Should you ever do," I replied, forcing a smile, "what in our relative
+situation it would make me uneasy to be informed of?"
+
+"Not if your uneasiness would be at all well founded."
+
+"But concealment implies consciousness of something indiscreet, if not
+wrong; and had you told me yourself of your visits to Lady Bell, I could
+have set Mrs. Pendarves and her insinuations at defiance."
+
+"And can you not now?"
+
+"Perhaps so; but no thanks to your ingenuousness. However, I must own,"
+said I, smiling affectionately, "that no one answers questions more
+readily."
+
+I had judged rightly in preparing myself for my encounter with Mrs.
+Pendarves, as she took the first opportunity of telling me how much she
+pitied me: for she had heard of the affair with the young lady who came
+to nurse me in my lying in, which was of a piece with the renewal of
+intercourse with Lady Bell Singleton. "But I assure you," she added,
+"his uncle means to tell him a piece of his mind; and if he does not, I
+will."
+
+On hearing this I thought proper to laugh as well as I could; which
+perfectly astonished my aunt, as I knew it would do, and she demanded
+a reason of my ill-timed mirth. I told her that I laughed at her
+mountain's having brought forth a mouse: for that the affair with the
+young lady ended in her marrying a young ensign, soon after she left us,
+for love, and that I had given her a wedding present; and that I knew
+from Seymour himself that he visited Lady Bell Singleton: I therefore
+begged she would keep her pity, and my uncle his advice, for those who
+required them.
+
+My mother entered the room at this moment, and I had great pleasure in
+repeating to her what had passed: for I was glad to impress her with an
+idea that my husband confided in me. I saw that I had succeeded.
+
+"Mrs. Pendarves," said she, gravely, "I am sorry to find you are one of
+those who act the part of an enemy while fancying you are performing
+that of a friend. What good could you do my daughter by telling her of
+her husband's errors, had the charge been a true one? Answer me that.
+Surely, where 'ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise.'"
+
+"But she could not be ignorant long--she must know it some time or
+other, and it was better she should hear it from a sympathizing and
+affectionate friend like me. However, I did not mean to be officious and
+troublesome, and I am glad Mr. Seymour Pendarves is better than I
+supposed he was."
+
+"Madam," replied my mother, "Seymour, like other persons, is better,
+much better than a gossiping world is willing to allow any one to be.
+And it is hard indeed that a man's own relations should implicitly
+believe and propagate what they hear against him."
+
+"Take my advice, my dear little aunt, and always inquire before you
+condemn; which advice is your due, in return for the large store of that
+commodity which you are so willing to bestow on other people."
+
+My aunt was silent a moment, as if considering whether in what was said
+there was most of compliment, or most of reproof. Be that as it might,
+she was too politic not to choose to believe there was much of compliment
+implied in the mention made of her willingness to bestow advice. She
+therefore looked pleased, declared her pleasure at finding all was well,
+and that she found even the best authority was not always to be depended
+upon. At dinner that day, to show, I conclude, that Seymour was restored
+to her favour, she asked him to pay her a visit at their house in town;
+but on my saying that I expected she would include me in the invitation,
+as I wished to go to London, she turned round with great quickness and
+exclaimed, "What! and leave your sweet babe?"
+
+The censure which this abrupt question conveyed gave a sort of shock
+to my feelings, and I could not answer her; but my mother instantly
+replied, "My daughter's health requires a little change of scene, and
+surely she can venture to intrust her infant to my care."
+
+"Oh, yes! but how can she bear to leave it?"
+
+"The trial will be great, I own," said I; "but I am not yet so very a
+mother as to forget I am a wife; and as I must either leave my child, or
+give up accompanying my husband, of the two evils I prefer the first."
+
+"Oh! true, true, I never thought of that," was her sage reply; "and you
+are right, my dear, quite right, as husbands are, to go to take care of
+yours; and I advise you to keep a sharp look-out--for there are hawks
+abroad."
+
+"Hawks!" said my uncle smiling, "turtle doves more likely; and they are
+the most dangerous bird of the two."
+
+This observation gave Pendarves time to recover the confusion his aunt's
+speech had occasioned him, and he told me he was much amused to see that
+I had positively arranged a journey to London for him and for myself,
+without his having ever expressed an intention of going at all.
+
+"But I knew you wished to go, and I thought it was your kind reluctance
+to ask me to leave my child which alone prevented your expressing your
+wishes."
+
+"Indeed, Helen, you are right: I never should have thought of asking you
+to leave your child; and I own I am flattered to find I am still dearer
+to you than she is: therefore, if my uncle and aunt will be troubled
+with us, I shall be very happy to visit London as their guest."
+
+"Is it possible," cried I, "that you can think of going any where but to
+a lodging?"
+
+"Is it possible," cried Mrs. Pendarves, "that you can prefer a lodging
+to being the guest of your uncle and aunt?"
+
+"To being the guest even of a father and mother; for when one has much
+to see in a little time, there is nothing like the liberty and
+convenience of a lodging."
+
+"Well, well, Helen," said Pendarves, rather impatiently, "that may be;
+but _this year_, if you please, we will go to Stratford Place."
+
+I said no more, and it was settled that we should follow my uncle and
+aunt to town, and take up our residence with them. But the next day
+my mother, who thought the plan as foolish and disagreeable as I did,
+desired me to find out, if I could, why my husband consented to be the
+guest of a woman whose society was so offensive to him: "And if," said
+she, "it is because he cannot afford to take lodgings, you may tell
+him, that I have both means and inclination to answer all the necessary
+demands; and moreover I have a legacy of L2000 untouched, which I have
+always meant to give you, Helen, on the birth of your first child; and
+that also is at your service."
+
+I shall pass over my feelings on this occasion, and my expression of
+them. Suffice that my husband owned his "poverty, and not his will,
+consented" to his acceptance of our relation's offer; and that he
+thankfully received my mother's bounty. The legacy, however, he resolved
+to secure to me, as my own property, and so tied up that he could not
+touch it. We found, however, that we must spend part of our time with my
+uncle and aunt; but at the end of ten days we removed to lodgings near
+them.
+
+I was soon sensible of the difference between the present time in London
+and the past. I found that Pendarves, though his manner was as kind as
+ever, used to accept in succession engagements in which I had no share;
+and if it had not been for the society of Mr. and Mrs. Ridley, and my
+uncle and aunt, I should have been much alone; and have pined after my
+child and mother even more than I did. Still ardently indeed did I long
+to return home; and had I not believed I was at the post of duty, I
+should have urged my husband to let me go home without him.
+
+Lord Charles was frequently with us, and, had I chosen it, would
+have been my escort every where: but I still distrusted him; and I
+suspect that it was in revenge he so often procured Pendarves dinner
+invitations, from which he rarely returned till day-light; and once he
+was evidently in such low spirits, that I was sure he had been at play,
+and had lost every thing.
+
+We had now been several weeks in London, and I grew very uneasy at
+my prolonged separation from my child, and at my mother's evidently
+declining health--besides having reason to think that my husband would
+have enjoyed London more without me; for Lord Charles took care to
+tell me often, that had I not been with him, Pendarves would have gone
+thither; always adding, "So you see what a tame domestic animal you have
+made of him, and what a tractable obedient husband he is." There is
+perhaps nothing more insiduous and pernicious, than to tell a proud man
+that he is governed by a wife, or a mistress, provided he has great
+conscious weakness of character; and Lord Charles knew that was the case
+with Pendarves. And I am very sure that he accepted many invitations
+which he would otherwise have declined, because his insiduous friend
+reproached him with being afraid of me.
+
+Ranelagh was still the fashion, and my husband had still a pride in
+showing me in its circles; but even there I was sensible of a change. He
+now was not unwilling to resign the care of me to other men, while he
+went to pay his compliments to dashing women of fashion, and give them
+the arm once exclusively mine. Still, these occasional neglects were
+too trifling to excite my fears or my jealousy, and I expected, when we
+returned to our country home, that it would be with unclouded prospects.
+But while I dreamt of perpetual sunshine, the storm was gathering which
+was to cloud my hours in sorrow.
+
+I had vainly expected a letter from my mother for two days,--and she
+usually wrote every day,--a circumstance which had depressed my spirits
+in a very unusual manner; and I was consequently little prepared to bear
+with fortitude the abrupt entrance of my husband in a state of great
+agitation: but pale and trembling I awaited the painful communication
+which I saw he was about to make.
+
+"Helen!" cried he, "if you will not or cannot assist me, I am likely to
+be arrested every moment."
+
+"Arrested! What for?" cried I, relieved beyond measure at hearing it was
+a distress which money could remove.
+
+"Aye, Helen, dearest creature! There is the pang--for a debt so weakly
+contracted!"
+
+"Oh! a gaming debt to Lord Charles, I suppose?"
+
+"No, no, would it were!--though I own that way also I have been very
+culpable."
+
+"Keep me no longer in suspense, I conjure you."
+
+"Why you know what a rash marriage that silly girl Charlotte Jermyn
+made."
+
+"Go on."
+
+"Well--her husband was forced to sell his commission to pay his debts:
+but that was not sufficient; and to save him from a jail, I had the
+folly to be bound for him in no less a sum than several hundreds."
+
+"But who asked you? Are they in London?"
+
+"They were."
+
+"And you saw them?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Why did you not tell me they were here?"
+
+"Because they were persons with whom I did not choose my wife to
+associate."
+
+"Were they fit associates for you then?" was on my tongue, but I
+suppressed it; for mistaken indeed is the wife who thinks reproach can
+ever do ought but alienate the object of it.
+
+"But did you often visit them? and what made them presume to apply to
+you?"
+
+"Necessity. She wrote to me again and again, and she way-laid me
+too--what could I do? I was never proof against a woman's tears--and I
+was bound for him."
+
+"Well, and what then?"
+
+"Why, the rascal is gone off, and left his wife without a farthing, to
+maintain herself as she can."
+
+"Is she in London?" cried I, turning very faint.
+
+"No, at Dover; but, as soon as it is known that he is off, I expect to
+be arrested for the money; and for me to raise it is impossible; but
+you, Helen--"
+
+"Yes, yes--I understand you," I replied, speaking with great difficulty:
+"the legacy--I will drive instantly to the bankers--and take it, take
+it all, if you wish."
+
+Here my voice and even my eye-sight totally failed me, and almost my
+intellects; but I neither fell nor fainted.--Miserable suspicions and
+certain anxiety came over me, and in one moment life seemed converted
+into a dreary void. My situation alarmed Pendarves almost to phrensy. He
+rung for the servants, sent for the nearest surgeon, without my being
+able to oppose any thing he ordered--for I could not speak: and I was
+carried to my room, and even bled, before I had the power of uttering a
+word.
+
+"The lady has undergone a violent shock," said the surgeon; and the
+conscience-stricken Seymour ran out of the room in an agony too mighty
+for expression.
+
+I was now forced to swallow some strong nervous medicine; and at length,
+feeling myself able to speak again, I ejaculated "Thank God!" and fell
+into a passion of tears, which considerably relieved me.
+
+My kind but officious maid had meanwhile sent for Mrs. Pendarves, who
+eagerly demanded the original cause of my seizure.
+
+"Dearest Helen, do you tell your aunt," said Seymour, "how it was."
+
+"I had been fretting for two days," I replied, "on account of my
+mother's silence; and while I was talking to Seymour, this violent
+hysterical seizure came over me. Indeed, I had experienced all
+the morning, my love, previous to your coming in, a most unusual
+depression." This statement, though true, was I own deceptive; but I
+could not tell all the truth without exposing my husband.--Oh! how
+fondly did his eyes thank me! My aunt was satisfied; she insisted on
+sitting by my bedside while I slept,--for an anodyne was given me,--and
+I consented to receive her offered kindness. Nay, I must own that, in
+the conscious desolation of my heart at that moment, I felt strangely
+soothed by expressions of kindness, and was covetous of those endearments
+from her which before I had wished to avoid. But my hand now returned
+and courted the affectionate pressure of hers; and I seemed to cling to
+her as a friend who, if she knew all, would have sorrowed over me like a
+mother; and while sleep was consciously stealing over me, I was pleased
+to know that she was watching beside my pillow.
+
+I had forbidden Pendarves to come near me, because the sight of his
+distress prevented my recovery, and perfect quiet was enjoined.
+
+But, when I was asleep he would not be kept from the bedside; and he
+betrayed so much deep feeling, and exhibited so much affection for
+me, that when I woke, and desired to rise and dress, as I was quite
+recovered, my aunt was lavish in his praise, and declared she was now
+convinced he was the best of husbands.
+
+Pendarves would fain have staid at home with me that day; but I insisted
+on his going out, as I thought it would be better for us both; and I
+told him with truth I preferred his aunt's company to his. Our next
+meeting alone was truly painful; for we could neither of us advert to
+my excessive emotion. He could not explain away its cause, nor could I
+name it: but he, though silent, was affectionate and attentive, and I
+tried to force my too busy fancy to dwell only on what I knew and saw,
+and not to fly off to sources of disquiet, which spite of appearances
+might really not exist.
+
+The next morning, as soon as breakfast was over, we drove to the
+banker's, resumed the whole of the deposit, and I insisted that
+Pendarves should accept it all. This he was very unwilling to do--but I
+was firm, and my mind was tranquillized by his consenting at last to my
+desire. Yet, I think I was not foolish enough to suppose I could buy his
+constancy.
+
+One thing which I said to him I instantly repented. I asked him whether
+Mrs. Saunders was likely to remove to London. He said, he did not know:
+"But if she does, what then? O Helen! can you suppose I will ever see
+her now?" he added.
+
+"And why not?" thought I, when he quitted me--"If it was ever proper
+to see her, why not now? And why should I seem to be accusing him, by
+appearing solicitous to know whether he would see her or not?"
+
+Alas! his reply only served to make me more wretched; but, fortunately I
+may say, my mother's continued silence made a sort of diversion to my
+thoughts, and substituted tender for bitter anxiety.
+
+That very day the demand was made on my husband by the creditor of
+Saunders, and while he was gone out with this man on business in bustled
+my kind but mischievous aunt.
+
+"How are you to-day," said she, "my poor child? but I see how you
+are--sitting like patience on a monument, smiling with grief!"
+
+"With grief! dear aunt?"
+
+"Yes: for do you think I do not know all? Oh, the wicked man!"
+
+"Whom, madam, do you call wicked?"
+
+"Your husband, child: has he not been keeping up an acquaintance with
+that girl, who married? and has he not been bound for her husband? and
+is not the man run away, and he liable to be arrested for the debt? and
+where he can get the money to pay it I can't guess--I am sure my Mr.
+Pendarves will not pay it. Nay, _I_ know 'tis all, all true--my maid,
+I find, met him walking in the park with her, and the creditor is my
+maid's brother."
+
+Here she paused exhausted with her own vehemence; and I replied, "I am
+sorry, madam, that you listen to tales told you by your servant: I am
+also sorry that a transaction which though rash was kind, is known to
+more persons than my husband and me. I know as well as you that Pendarves
+visited at Mrs. Saunders's lodgings, and he was very likely seen in the
+park with her. To the money transaction I am also privy, and I assure
+you my Mr. Pendarves need not apply to yours on this or, I trust, on any
+occasion; for the creditor has been here, and he is paid by this time."
+
+"Then he must have borrowed the money, for I know he has lost a great
+deal lately."
+
+"Mrs. Pendarves," said I, rising with great agitation, "I will not
+allow you to speak thus of the husband whom I love and honour. I tell
+you that he has paid the creditor with his _own_ money; and if you
+persist in a conversation so offensive to me, I will quit the room."
+
+"How! this to me? Do you consider who I am--and our relationship?"
+
+"You are the wife of my great uncle, madam, no more; and were you even
+my mother, I would not sit and listen tamely to aspersions of my
+husband, and I must desire that our conversations on this subject may
+end here."
+
+I believe there is nothing more formidable while it lasts, than the
+violence of those who are habitually mild--because surprise throws the
+persons who are attacked off their guard; and it also magnifies to them
+the degree of violence used.
+
+The poor little woman was not only awed into silence, but affected unto
+tears; and I was really obliged to sooth her into calmness, declaring
+that I was sure she meant well, and that I had never doubted the
+goodness of her heart.
+
+The next day brought the long expected letter from my mother; and its
+contents made all that I had yet endured light, in comparison; for they
+alarmed me for the life of my child! She was, however, declared out of
+danger for the present, when my mother wrote.
+
+It is almost needless to add, that as soon as horses could be procured,
+Pendarves and I were on the road home.
+
+I must pass rapidly over this part of my narrative. Suffice, that she
+vacillated between life and death for three months; that then she was
+better, and my husband left me to join Lord Charles at Tunbridge Wells,
+whither he had been ordered for his health; that he had not been gone a
+fortnight, when her worst symptoms returned, and my mother wrote to him
+as follows:
+
+     "Come instantly, if you wish to see your child alive, and
+     preserve the senses of your wife! When all is over, your presence
+     alone can, I believe, save her from distraction.
+                                                              J. P."
+
+He instantly set off for home, and arrived at a moment when I could be
+alive to the joy of seeing him; for my child had just been pronounced
+better! But what a betterness! For six weeks longer, watched by us
+all day and all night with never-failing love, it lingered on and on,
+endeared to us every day the more, in proportion as it became more
+helpless, and we more void of hope, till I was doomed to see its last
+faint breath expire, and----no more on this subject--
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I believe my mother was right; I believe that, dearly as I loved her,
+her presence alone would not have kept my grief within the bounds of
+reason: but the presence of him whose grief was on a par with mine, of
+him whom love and duty equally bade me exert myself to console, had
+indeed a salutary effect on me; and it at length became a source of
+comfort to reflect, that the object of our united regrets was mercifully
+removed from a state of severe suffering, and probably from evils to
+come. But my progress towards recovered tranquillity bore no proportion
+to Seymour's; for, when I was capable of reflection, I felt that in
+losing my child I lost one of my strongest holds on the affection of my
+husband. Consequently, the clearer my mind grew after the clouds of
+grief dispersed, the more vividly was I sensible of my loss.
+
+I also became conscious that the habitual dejection of my spirits, which
+was pleasing to Seymour's feelings while his continued in unison with
+mine, would become distasteful, and make his home disagreeable, as soon
+as he was recovering his usual cheerfulness. Still, I could not shake it
+off--and by my mother's advice I urged him to renew his visit to Lord
+Charles, who was still an invalid.
+
+To Tunbridge Wells he therefore again went, leaving me to indulge
+unrestrained that pernicious grief which even his presence had not
+controuled, and also to impair both my health and my person in a degree
+which it might be difficult ever to restore.
+
+When Pendarves returned, which he did at the end of six weeks, during
+which time he had written in raptures of the new acquaintances which he
+had formed at the Wells, he was filled with pain and mortification at
+sight of my pale cheek, meagre form, and neglected dress.
+
+What a contrast was I to the women whom he had left! And even his
+affectionate disposition and fine temper were not proof, after the first
+ebullitions of tenderness had subsided, against my dowdy wretched
+appearance, and my dejection of manner.
+
+"Helen!" said he, "I cannot stand this--I must go away again, if you
+persist to forget all that is due to the living, in regard for the dead.
+I have not been accustomed lately to pale cheeks, meagre forms, and
+dismal faces. I love home, and I love you; but neither my home nor you
+are now recognisable."
+
+I was wounded, but reproved and amended: I felt the justice of what he
+said, and resolved to do my duty.
+
+Soon after he told me he was going away again; and on my mother's gently
+reproaching him for leaving me so much, he replied that he could not
+bear to witness my altered looks, and to listen to my mournful voice.
+
+While Pendarves was gone, I resolved to renew my long neglected
+pursuits. I played on the guitar; I resumed my drawing, and sometimes I
+tried to sing: but that exertion I found at present beyond my powers.
+
+After three weeks had elapsed, Seymour wrote me word that he was
+about to return from the Wells with some new friends of his, who were
+coming to the mansion within four miles of us, which had been so long
+uninhabited, called Oswald Lodge. He said he should arrive there very
+late on the Saturday night; but that after attending church on the
+Sunday to hear a new curate preach, whom they were to bring with them,
+he should return home.
+
+I was mortified I own to think that he could stop, after so long an
+absence, within four miles of home; but I felt that I had lately made so
+few efforts for his sake, that I had no right to expect he would pay me
+an attention like this. But to repine or look back was equally vain and
+weak; and I resolved to act, in order to make amends for what I could
+not but consider an indolent indulgence of my own selfishness, however
+disguised to me under the name of sensibility, at the expense of my
+husband's happiness. And as six months had now elapsed since the death
+of my child, I resolved to throw off my mourning, and make the house and
+myself look as cheerful as they were wont to do.
+
+I also resolved to meet him at the church, which was common to the
+parish whence he would come, and ours also, and not to sit, as I had
+lately done, in a pew whence I could steal in and out unseen; but walk
+up the aisle, and sit in my own seat, where I could see and be seen of
+others.
+
+My mother meanwhile observed in joyful silence all my proceedings; and
+when she saw me stop at the door in the carriage on the Sunday morning,
+dressed in white, with a muslin bonnet, and pelisse, lined with full
+pink, and a countenance which was in a measure at least cheerful, she
+embraced me with the warmest affection, and said she hoped she should
+now see her own child again.
+
+Spite, however, of my well-motived exertions, my nerves were a little
+fluttered when I recollected that I was going to encounter the
+scrutinizing observation of Seymour's new friends, who, if arrived,
+would no doubt, from the situation of the pew, see me during my
+progress to mine, which was opposite. They were arrived before me;
+for I saw white and coloured feathers nodding at a distance: but I
+remembered it was not in the temple of the Most High that fear of man
+ought to be felt, and I followed my mother up the aisle with my
+accustomed composure.
+
+Oh! how I longed to see whether my husband was with the party! but I
+forebore to seek the creature till the dues to the Creator were paid. I
+then looked towards the opposite pew; but soon withdrew my eyes again:
+for I saw my husband listening with an animated countenance to what a
+gentleman was saying to him, who was gazing on me with an expression of
+great admiration. I therefore only exchanged a glance of affectionate
+welcome with Pendarves, and tried to remember him and his companions no
+more.
+
+When service was ended Seymour eagerly left his seat, and coming into
+mine proposed to introduce me to his friends; "for now," said he in a
+low voice, "I again see the wife I am proud of." I smiled assent, and a
+formal introduction took place.
+
+The party consisted of Mr. and Mrs. Oswald, who after a long residence
+abroad were come to live on their estate, and resume those habits of
+extravagance, the effects of which they had gone abroad to recover; of a
+Lord Martindale, the gentleman I had before observed; and of one or two
+persons, a sort of hangers-on in the family, who ministered in some way
+or other to the entertainment of the host and hostess.
+
+Mr. and Mrs. Oswald now politely urged my mother and myself to favour
+them with our company at dinner, my husband having promised to return to
+them by five o'clock; but we declined it, and Seymour attended us home.
+Seymour expressed more by his looks than his words the pleasure my
+change of dress and countenance had occasioned him; for he was too
+delicate to expatiate on what must recall to my mind only too forcibly
+the cause of the difference which he had deplored: but when he rejoiced
+over my recovered bloom, and _embonpoint_, I reminded him that my bloom
+was caused by my lining, and my seeming plumpness by my pelisse. This
+was only too true. Still I was, he saw, disposed to be all he wished
+me; and when we reached our house, and he beheld baskets of flowers
+in all the rooms, as usual; when he beheld the light of day allowed to
+penetrate into every apartment, except where the sun was too powerful;
+when he saw my guitar had been moved from its obscurity, and that my
+portfolio seemed full of drawings; he folded my still thin form with
+fondness to his heart, and declared that he now felt himself quite a
+happy man again. Nor would he leave me, to dine at Oswald Lodge; and
+he sent an excuse, but promised to call there on the morrow and take
+me with him. The next day he summoned me to get ready to fulfil his
+promise, and I obeyed him, but with reluctance; for I felt already sure
+that I should not like these new friends.
+
+In Lord Martindale I already saw an audacious man of the world; and
+those spendthrift Oswalds, those beings who seemed to think they came
+into life merely to amuse it away, did not seem at all suited to my
+taste or principles, and were certain to be dangerous to a man of
+Seymour's tendency to expense.
+
+On our way thither I asked if Lord Martindale was married; and with a
+cheek which glowed with emotion he replied, "Married! Oh yes! did I not
+mention Lady Martindale to you? How strange!" But I did not think it so,
+when I heard him descant on her various attractions and talents with an
+eloquence which was by no means pleasing to me.
+
+"Indeed," said I, sighing as I spoke, "I feel it a great compliment,
+that you preferred staying with your faded wife to dining with this
+brilliant beauty."
+
+"Brilliant beauty! dear girl! In beauty she is not to be compared to
+you. She is certainly ten years older, and never was a beauty in her
+life. She has very fine eyes, fine teeth, fine hair, and a little
+round, perfectly formed person: _au reste_, she is sallow, and, when
+not animated, plain: in her expression, her endless variety, her
+gracefulness, and her vivacity, lies her great charm. Altogether _c'est
+une petite personne des plus piquantes_; and with even more than the
+usual attraction of her countrywomen."
+
+"Is she French then?"
+
+"Yes: she was well born, but poor; and her great powers of fascination
+led Lord Martindale, who was living abroad, to marry her, in spite of
+his embarrassed fortune. They came over in the same ship with the
+Oswalds, and thence the intimacy."
+
+By this time we had reached Oswald Lodge, and were ushered through a
+hall redolent with sweets to the morning room, where we found Mrs.
+Oswald, splendidly attired, stringing coral beads, and the gentlemen
+reading the papers. If there ever was a complete contrast in nature,
+it was my appearance and that of Mrs. Oswald. Figure to yourself the
+greeting between a woman of my great height, excessive meagreness, and
+long neck, and one not exceeding five feet, with legs making up in
+thickness for what they wanted in length, with a short neck buried
+in fat, and the rest of her form of suitable dimensions, while the
+dropsical appearance of her person did not however impede a short and
+quick waddling walk. Figure to yourself also, a fair, fat, flat face,
+full of good humour, and betokening a heart a stranger to care, and then
+call to mind my different style of features, complexion, and expression,
+particularly at that melancholy period of my life.
+
+"What a fine caricature we should make!" thought I; and it required all
+my dislike to employ the talent for caricature which I possessed, to
+prevent my drawing her and myself when I went home. But I was ashamed of
+the satirical manner in which I regarded her, when she welcomed me
+with such genuine kindness; and ill befall the being whom welcome and
+courtesy cannot disarm of even habitual sarcasm! Mr. Oswald was as
+courteous and kind as his wife, and Lord Martindale looked even more
+soft meanings than he uttered--adding, "When I saw you yesterday, Mrs.
+Pendarves, I did not expect to see Mr. Pendarves return to us to
+dinner. Nay, if he had, I never could have forgiven him."
+
+"My lord," cried Oswald, "I did not expect him for another reason,
+though I admit the full force of yours. He knew Lady Martindale was
+too unwell to dine below, for I told him so myself; and 'my fair,
+fat, and forty' here was not likely to draw him from 'metal more
+attractive'"--bowing to me.
+
+"So then," said I to myself, "his staying with me, for which I expressed
+my thanks, was no compliment after all; and disingenuous as usual, he
+did not tell me Lady Martindale would not be visible!" I am ashamed to
+own how this little incident disconcerted me. I had been flattered by
+Seymour's staying at home, but now there was nothing in it. Oh! the
+weakness of a woman that loves!
+
+Seymour, who knew that I should be mortified, and he lowered in my eyes
+by this discovery, was more embarrassed and awkward than I ever knew
+him, in paying his respects and making his inquiries concerning the
+health of Lady Martindale, and had just expressed his delight at
+hearing she was recovered when the lady herself appeared: she paid her
+compliments to me in a very easy and graceful manner, and expressed
+herself much pleased to see the lady of whom her lord had raved ever
+since he saw her; and I suspect her broken English gave what she said
+much of its charm. At least I wished to think so then. I found Seymour
+had painted her as she was, as to externals; whether he had been as
+accurate a delineator of her mind and general manners, I was yet to
+learn.
+
+That she could dance, I had soon the means of discovering; for she
+had a little French dog with her, which had been taught to dance to
+a tune; and while Mrs. Oswald played a slow waltz, and then a jig, Lady
+Martindale, on pretence of showing off the little dog, showed herself
+off to the greatest possible advantage.--Whether she glided smoothly
+along in graceful abandonment of the waltz measure, or whether she
+sprung lightly on the "gay fantastic toe," her fine arms floated
+gracefully on the air, and her beautiful feet moved with equal and as
+becoming skill. When she had ended, she was repaid with universal bravos
+and clapping of hands.
+
+Nothing could exceed the grace with which she curtsied; and snatching
+the dog under her arm, she went round the circle, extending her
+beautiful hand to each of us, saying "_De grace! donnez des gateaux
+a ma Fanchon:_"[1] and the plate of macaroons that stood near us was
+immediately emptied before the little animal, who growled and ate, to
+the great delight of his mistress, who knelt in an attitude _fait a
+peindre_ beside him.
+
+  [Footnote 1: Pray give cakes to my Fanchon.]
+
+I cannot express to you what I felt when I saw Seymour's eyes rivetted
+on this woman of display. He watched her every movement, and seemed
+indeed to feel she possessed _la grace plus belle encore que la
+beaute_.[2] But who and what was she? A French woman, and well-born,
+though poor.
+
+  [Footnote 2: Grace more beautiful still than beauty.]
+
+Was it the quick-sightedness of jealousy, I wonder, or was it that women
+read women better than men do, where their love or their vanity is
+concerned, which made me suspect that she had been not only a _femme_ de
+_talens_, but a _femme_ a _talens_, and that Lord Martindale had married
+a woman who had been in public life? However, what did that matter to
+me? Whatever she was, she possessed fascinations which I had not; she
+had a power of amusing and interesting which I had never possessed; and
+I feared that to him who could admire her I must soon cease to be an
+object of love, though I might continue to be one of esteem. But did I
+wish to please as she had been pleasing? Did I wish to be able to exhibit
+my person in attitudes so alluring? Would it have been consistent with
+the modest dignity of an English gentlewoman? Nay, would my husband have
+liked to see me so exhibit in company? Notwithstanding, to charm, amuse
+and fix his roving eye, and enliven our domestic scenes, I could not
+help wishing that I could do all she did. But I could not do it, and
+I feared her. We were asked to stay dinner, but we refused: however,
+another day was fixed for our waiting on them, so the evil was only
+delayed.
+
+And what were we doing? and wherefore? We were entering into dinner
+visits, and with a reduced income, with persons who lived in all the
+luxuries of life, and of whom we knew nothing but that ten years before
+they had been forced to run away from their creditors, and that the
+chances were they would be forced to do so again. The wherefore was
+still less satisfactory to me. We did it that my husband might amuse
+away his hours; and, as I had reason to fear, forget in this stimulating
+sort of company and diversions the anxieties and the unhappy feelings
+which were in future likely to cling to him at home. For I was sure
+he was involved in debts which he could not pay, and those who are
+so involved are always forced to substitute constant amusement for
+happiness. If they do not, they fly to intoxication; but agreeable
+company and gay pursuits are the better intoxication, I own, of the two.
+
+And was it come to this? Was my husband for ever unfitted for the
+enjoyment of domestic comfort; and was I reduced to the cruel alternative
+of seeing him abstracted and unhappy, or of parting with him to the
+abode of the Syren? while I was sometimes forced to accompany him
+thither, and witness his evident devotion to her, his forgetfulness
+of me? Alas! such seemed to be my situation at that moment; but I was
+resolved to talk with him seriously on the state of his affairs, and to
+make any retrenchments, and offer any sacrifices, to remove from his
+mind the burthen which oppressed it. But for some time, like most
+persons so distressed, he was decidedly averse to talk on the subject,
+and liked better to drive care away by pleasant society, than to meet
+the evil though it was in order to remove it. In the meanwhile I went to
+Oswald Lodge occasionally, and occasionally invited its owners and their
+guests to our home, till the party there grew too large for our rooms to
+receive them: and then I had an excuse for not accompanying my husband
+often, in not having carriage horses, as I had prevailed on Pendarves to
+drop that unnecessary expense. This produced urgent invitations to sleep
+there; but that I never would do; and I would not consent to be with
+these people on so intimate a footing, especially as I had not my
+mother's countenance or presence to sanction it; she having resolutely
+declined visiting them at all, as she disliked the manners and appearance,
+as well as the mode of life, of the whole party. But she confirmed me in
+my resolution never to seem to under-value, though I did not commend,
+Lady Martindale, as she well knew my disapprobation would be imputed
+to envy and jealousy even by Pendarves, and she advised me to endure
+patiently what I could not prevent. Not that she for a moment suspected
+that my husband was seriously alienated from me, and was acting a
+dishonourable part towards Lord Martindale; but she could not be blind
+to Seymour's long absences at Oswald Lodge, and his now passing nights
+there, as well as days. But his pleasures were, for a little while at
+least, put a stop to; for he received at length so many dunning letters,
+that he was forced to unburthen his mind to me, and ask my aid if
+possible to relieve his distresses. He positively, however, forbade me
+to apply to my mother, and I was equally unwilling to let her know the
+errors of my still beloved husband.
+
+Yet what could I do for him? I could dismiss one, if not two
+servants,--and he could sell another horse; but then money was wanted to
+pay debts. There was therefore no alternative, but for me to prevail on
+my trustees to give up some of my marriage settlement; and as I knew
+that my mother's fortune must come to me and my children, if I had any,
+I was very willing to relieve my husband from his embarrassments, by
+raising for him the necessary supplies. Nor did I find my trustees very
+unwilling to grant my request, and once more I believed my husband free
+from debt. I also hoped my mother knew nothing of either the distress,
+or the means of relief. But, alas! one of the trustees concluded our
+uncle knew of these transactions, and was probably desirous to know
+why he had, though a very rich man, allowed me to diminish my marriage
+settlement, in order to pay debts which he could have paid without the
+smallest inconvenience, as he had only two daughters, who were both well
+married.
+
+Accordingly he mentioned the subject to my astonished and indignant
+uncle, who with his usual indiscretion revealed it to his wife.
+The consequence was inevitable: she immediately wrote a letter of
+lamentation to my mother, detailing the whole affair, adverting to the
+other transaction concerning Saunders's debts, pointing out the great
+probability there was that what every one said was true, namely, that
+my husband had prevailed on Saunders to marry Charlotte Jermyn, and
+therefore was bound in justice to assist him, and concluding with a
+broad hint concerning his evident attachment to a Lady Martindale.
+
+What a letter for a fond mother to receive! But to the money
+transactions alone did she vouchsafe any credit; and relative to these
+she demanded from me the most open confession, saying, "The rest of the
+letter I treat with the contempt it deserves." I had no difficulty in
+telling her every thing which related to the last transaction; but my
+voice faltered, and my eye was downcast, when I described the other,
+because I had never been entirely able to conquer some painful
+suspicions of my own; and her quick eyes and penetrating mind soon
+discovered, though she was too delicate to notice it, that in my own
+heart I was not sure that all my aunt suspected was unjust. But if I
+shrunk from the searching glance of her eyes, how was I affected when
+she fixed them on me with looks of approving tenderness, and told me
+with evidently suppressed feeling, that I had done well and greatly in
+concealing my husband's extravagant follies even from her!
+
+That day's post brought a letter of a more pleasant nature from my uncle
+to me. He informed me, that though he utterly disapproved my giving to
+an erring husband what was intended as a provision for my innocent
+children, he could not bear that I should suffer by my erroneous but
+generous conception of a wife's duty, and had therefore replaced the sum
+which I had so rashly advanced, desiring me on any future emergency to
+apply to him.
+
+Kind and excellent old man! How pleasant were the tears which I shed
+over this letter! but still how much more welcome to my soul were those
+which it wrung from the heart of Pendarves!
+
+But amidst the various feelings which made my cheek pale, my brow
+thoughtful and sad, my form meagre, and which deprived me of every thing
+but the mere outline of former beauty, was the consciousness that my
+mother's heart was estranged from my husband. He had even exceeded all
+her fears and expectations; and her manner to him was full of that cold
+civility, which when it replaces ardent affection is of all things the
+most terrible to endure from one whom you love and venerate. He felt it
+to his heart's core, and alas! he resented it by flying oftener from his
+home and the wife whom he thus rendered wretched.
+
+At this period my mother was surprised by a most unexpected guest, and,
+situated as I was, an unwelcome visitor to both; for it was Ferdinand de
+Walden.
+
+Business had brought him to England; and as time had, he believed,
+mellowed his attachment to me into friendship, he had no objection to
+visit my mother, and renew his acquaintance with me. But though she
+prepared him to see me much altered, as I had not, she said, recovered
+the loss of my child, he was so overcome when he saw me, that he was
+forced to leave the room; and the sight of that faded face and form,
+nay, I may say, the utter loss of my beauty, endeared me yet more to the
+heart of De Walden.
+
+Had I been an artful, had I been a coquettish woman, this was the time
+to show it; for I might have easily roused the jealousy of my husband,
+and perhaps have terrified him back to his allegiance. But I should have
+felt debased if I had excited one feeling of jealousy in a husband's
+heart, and my manner was so cold to De Walden that he complained of it
+to my mother.
+
+Mr. Oswald called on De Walden, as soon as he heard of his arrival, for
+he had known him abroad, and a day was fixed for our meeting him at
+Oswald Lodge: nay, my mother, to mark her great respect for her guest,
+would have joined the party had she not sprained her ankle severely the
+day before.
+
+It was now some weeks since I had dined there; therefore I had not
+seen the great increase of intimacy which was visible between Seymour
+and Lady Martindale, and which I dreaded should be observed by Lord
+Martindale himself: but he did not seem to mind it, and looked at me
+with such an expression of countenance, lavishing on me at the same time
+such disgusting flatteries, that the dark eye of De Walden flashed fire
+as he regarded him, and he beheld my absorbed and inattentive husband
+with a look in which scorn contended with agony. But if Seymour was
+so completely absorbed in looking at and listening to the Syren who
+bewitched him, she was not equally absorbed in him: but I saw that when
+he was not looking at her, she was earnestly examining De Walden, and
+that his eye dwelt on her with a very marked and scornful meaning.
+
+Lady Martindale was solicited at the dinner table to promise some new
+guests who were there, to exhibit to them the scene with the dog;
+but on pretence of having hurt her foot she refused. This led to a
+conversation on dancing, of which art, to my great surprise, De Walden
+declared himself a great admirer in the early part of his life. "When I
+was very young," said he in French, "I saw such dancing as I shall never
+forget. It was that of a young creature on the Paris stage, who was then
+called Annette Beauvais, and she quite bewitched my young heart, both on
+and off the stage; for I once saw her in a private party, but then I was
+quite a boy: she was at that time the mistress of a _fermier general_:
+since then she has figured, as I have heard, in many different capacities,
+and I should not be surprised to hear of her as a peeress, or a princess;
+so great and versatile were her powers."
+
+This discussion, so little _a-propos_, for what did any one present care
+for Annette Beauvais? convinced me De Walden had a meaning beyond what
+appeared; and casting my eyes on Lord Martindale and his lady, I saw
+they were both covered with confusion: but the former recovering himself
+first, said, "Annette Beauvais! My dear Eugenie, is not that the name of
+the girl who was reckoned so like you?"
+
+"_Mais oui--sans doute_--I was much sorry--for I was take for her very
+oft'--_et cependant elle est plus grande que moi._[3]"
+
+  [Footnote 3: Yet she is taller than I.]
+
+"She may look taller on the stage, my lady," said De Walden, again
+speaking in French, that she might not lose a word; "but I would wager
+any money, that off the stage, no one would know Annette from you, or
+you from her."
+
+"_A la bonne heure_," said she in a tone of pique, and avoiding the
+searching glance of his eye; then, on her making a signal to Mrs.
+Oswald, she rose, and we left the dining-room.
+
+With the impression which I had just received on my mind of Lady
+Martindale's former profession, or rather character, I could not help
+replying to the attentions which she now lavished on me with distant
+politeness; and I saw clearly that she observed my change of manner,
+and, resenting it in her heart, resolved to take ample vengeance; for,
+as I stood with my arms folded in a long mantle which I wore, lost in
+reverie, it happened that I did not answer Lady Martindale when she
+first spoke, and when I did, it was in a cold and absent manner, and
+as if I addressed an inferior; on which the artful woman, who sat in a
+recess by the side of my husband, threw herself back, exclaiming, "_Mais
+voyez donc comme elle me traite! Ah! comment ai-je merite cette durete
+de sa part?_"[4] She accompanied these words with a few touching tears.
+
+  [Footnote 4: Only see how she treats me! How have I deserved such
+  hard treatment from her?]
+
+On seeing and hearing this, for the first time in his life since we
+married, Seymour felt irritated against me; and coming up to me, he
+said, in a voice nearly extinct with passion, "Mrs. Pendarves, I insist
+on your apologizing to that lady for the rudeness of which you have been
+guilty." For one moment my spirit revolted at the word "insist," and my
+feelings were overset by the "Mrs. Pendarves;" but it was only for a
+moment.
+
+I felt that I had been rude; and I also felt that I should not have
+acted as I did, spite of my suspicions, if I had not been jealous of
+Seymour's adoration for her.
+
+Accordingly, drawing so near to her that no one could hear what passed,
+I told her that at the command of my husband, I assured her I did not
+mean to wound or offend her, and that I was sorry I had done so.
+
+"Ah! 'tis your husban spoak den, not your own heart--dat's wat I want."
+
+"The feelings of my heart," said I, "are not at the command even of my
+husband; but my words are, and I have obeyed him--but I am really sorry
+when I have given pain to any one." Then with a low curtsy I left them,
+and retired to a further part of the room.
+
+During this time I saw that Seymour looked still angry, and was not
+satisfied with my apology, or the manner in which I delivered it; and I
+repented I had not been more gracious. But now I was requested to sing
+a Venetian air to the Spanish guitar, to which I had written English
+words; and I complied, glad to do something to escape from my own
+painful reflections, and also from the earnest manner in which De Walden
+examined my countenance, and watched what had just passed. But in order
+no doubt to mortify my vanity by calling off the attention from me to
+herself, the moment I began, Lady Martindale set her little dog down who
+was lying in her lap, and began to make him dance to the tune; but as
+she did not get up herself and dance as usual with him, the poor beast
+did not know what to make of it, but set up a most violent barking. I
+had had resolution to go on both singing and playing during the grimaces
+of the dog and its mistress, even though my own husband instead of
+resenting the affront to me had seemed to enjoy it; but when the dog
+spoke I was silent; on which De Walden seized the little animal in
+his arms in spite of Lady Martindale's resistance, and put it out of
+the room. Then stooping down he whispered something in her ear which
+silenced her at once. During this scene I trembled in every limb; for I
+feared that Seymour might be mad enough to resent De Walden's conduct.
+I was therefore relieved when Lord Martindale came up to him, as if
+he meant to resent the violence offered to his lady's dog; but on
+approaching De Walden, he said, with great good humour--"That was right,
+Count De Walden; and if you had not done it, _I_ should. Only think that
+a beast like that should presume to interrupt a Seraph!"
+
+"Ah! if it was but he alone that presumed in this room, it would be
+well; but we often make example of one who is guilty the least."
+
+Lord Martindale did not choose to ask an explanation of these words,
+but, turning to me, requested me to resume my guitar and my song. But
+I had not yet recovered my emotion, nor perhaps would it have been
+consistent with my self-respect to comply.
+
+Certainly De Walden thought not; for he said in a low voice "_Ma chere
+amie, de grace ne chantez pas!_"[5] and I was firm in my refusal.
+
+  [Footnote 5: My dear friend, pray do not sing!]
+
+Perhaps it was well that I was not allowed to go on with my song, as the
+words were only too expressive of my own feelings, for they were as
+follows:--
+
+ SONG.
+
+ How bright this summer's sun appear'd!
+   How blue to me this summer's sky!
+ While all I saw and all I heard
+   Could charm my ear, could bless my eye.
+
+ The lonely bower, the splendid crowd,
+   Alike a joy for me possess'd;
+ My heart a charm on all bestow'd,
+   For that confiding heart was _bless'd_.
+
+ But thou art changed!--and now no more
+   The sun is bright, or blue the sky;
+ Now in the throng, or in the bower,
+   I only mark thy _alter'd eye_.
+
+ And though midst crowds I still appear,
+   And seem to list the minstrel's strain,
+ I heed it not--I only hear
+   My _own deep sigh_ that mourns in vain.
+
+My carriage was announced soon afterwards; and I saw by the manner of
+both, that Lady Martindale was trying to persuade my husband to stay all
+night: but as De Walden came with us, propriety, if not inclination,
+forbade him to comply, and he sullenly enough followed De Walden and me
+to the carriage. When there, that considerate friend refused to enter
+it--declaring as it was moon-light he preferred walking home.
+
+What a relief was this to my mind! for I dreaded some unpleasant
+altercation, especially if De Walden expressed the belief which he
+evidently entertained, that Lady Martindale and Annette Beauvais were
+the same person.
+
+When he entered the carriage my husband threw himself into one corner of
+it, and remained silent. I expected this: still I did not know how to
+bear it; for I could not help contrasting the past with the present. Is
+there--no, there is not--so agonizing a feeling in the catalogue of
+human suffering, as the first conviction that the heart of the being
+whom we most tenderly love, is estranged from us? In vain could I
+pretend to doubt this overwhelming fact. Seymour had resented for
+another woman, and to me! He had even joined in, and enjoyed, the mean
+revenge that woman took, though that revenge was a public affront to me!
+And now in sullen silence, and in still rankling resentment, he was
+sitting as far from me as he possibly could sit, and the attachment of
+years seemed in one hour destroyed!
+
+All this I felt and thought during the first mile of our drive home: but
+so closely does hope ever tread on the heels of despair, that one word
+from Pendarves banished the worst part of my misery; for in an angry
+tone he at length observed, "So, madam, your champion would not go with
+us: I think it is a pity you did not walk with him--I think you ought
+to have done no less, after his public gallantry in your service."
+
+"Ha!" thought I immediately, "this is pique, this is jealousy;
+and perhaps he loves me still!" What a revulsion of feeling I now
+experienced! and never in his fondest moments did I value an expression
+of tenderness from him more, than I did this weak and churlish
+observation; for he was not silent and sullen on account of Lady
+Martindale's fancied injuries; but from resentment of De Walden's
+interference. In one moment therefore the face of nature itself seemed
+changed to me; and I eagerly replied, "I was certainly much obliged to
+De Walden--I needed a champion, and who so proper to be it as himself,
+the only old friend I had in the room, yourself excepted, and the only
+person in it probably who now (here my voice faltered) has a real regard
+and affection for me!"
+
+"Helen!" cried Pendarves, starting up, "you cannot mean what you say!
+You do not, cannot believe that De Walden loves you better than _I_ do."
+
+"If I had not believed it I should not have said it."
+
+"But how could you believe it? Has he dared to talk to you of love?"
+
+"Do you think he could forget himself so far as to do such a thing? or
+if he did, do you think I could forget myself so far as to listen to
+him? Surely, sir, you forget of whom and to whom you are speaking."
+
+"Forgive me: I spoke from pique. And so, Helen, you think I do not love
+you?"
+
+"Not as you did, certainly: but I excuse you. I know grief has changed
+me; and it had been better for me to have died, if it had so pleased
+God, when my poor child died."
+
+"Helen! dearest! do not talk thus, I cannot bear it!" he exclaimed,
+clasping me to his heart; and though I then wept even more abundantly
+than before, I wept on his bosom, and all my sorrows were for awhile
+forgotten.
+
+The next morning Pendarves told me he should certainly breakfast with
+me; but he must leave me soon to partake of a late breakfast at Oswald
+Lodge, as he had promised to go with the party to call on a family, with
+whom they were to arrange some private theatricals.
+
+"And are you to engage in them?"
+
+"Oh! to be sure: it will not be the first time of my acting."
+
+"And will Lady Martindale act?"
+
+"Yes: but not with us. We shall act in English: she will favour us with
+a mono-drame, a ballet of action, and perhaps read a French play, which
+she reads to perfection."
+
+"Not better than she dances, I dare say; for dancing, I suspect, was
+once one of her professions."
+
+"What nonsense is this Helen? and who has dared to give such an
+erroneous and false impression of this admirable woman?"
+
+"Surely you must have perceived that De Walden meant to insinuate that
+she and Annette Beauvais are the same person?"
+
+"Then he is a vile calumniator."
+
+"Not so: he is only a mistaken man."
+
+"But it seems you think he cannot be mistaken: he is an oracle!"
+
+"My love," replied I, "we had better not talk of De Walden."
+
+"You are right, Helen, quite right; for I am conscious of great
+irritation when I think of him: for I feel, I cannot but feel, how much
+more worthy of you he is than I am; and yet, foolish girl, you gave him
+up for me. O Helen! when I saw him, impatient of affront to you, step
+forward with that flashing eye, that commanding air, to seize the
+offending brute, though I could have stabbed him, I could also have
+embraced him; and I said within myself, 'And to this man Helen preferred
+me! How she must repent her folly now!'"
+
+"She never has repented, she never can repent it," said I, throwing
+myself upon his neck. "You know I took you with all your faults open to
+my view."
+
+"Yes: but you fancied love and you would reform them!"
+
+"I did--and I think we may do so still: but you must not let me fancy
+you do not love me, Seymour; if you do, I shall pine and mope, and
+become the object of your aversion."
+
+"Impossible! do you think I can ever dislike you, Helen?"
+
+"Is thy servant a dog that he should do this thing?" said I, returning
+his embrace.
+
+"I will hear no more of such horrible surmises: I have now outstaid my
+time."
+
+Then mounting his horse, he was out of sight in a moment.
+
+Soon after my mother appeared, and, to my surprise, unaccompanied by De
+Walden.
+
+"Where is our friend?" was my first salutation.
+
+"On the road to London."
+
+"London! And why?"
+
+"He had his reasons for going; and, as usual, they do honour both to his
+head and heart."
+
+"May I not know them?"
+
+"I would not tell them to all women under your circumstances; but I can
+trust you. He finds that he has not conquered his attachment; and that
+he cannot behold the affecting change in your appearance, and reflect
+on the cause, without feeling what his principles disapprove. Besides,
+he is afraid of getting involved in a quarrel with Pendarves, as, I
+suppose, you guess who this Lady Martindale is."
+
+"I do. Well, I am glad De Walden is gone; for I know Pendarves will
+rejoice."
+
+I then related to her my conversation with my husband; and I did it
+with so much cheerfulness, and such an evident revival of hope, that I
+imparted some of the feelings which I experienced; and my mother's heart
+was visibly softened towards Seymour, while she uttered, "Poor fellow!
+he does indeed justly judge himself: you did prefer the brilliant to the
+diamond. But where is he?"
+
+"Gone out with the party at the lodge on particular business; and will
+not return till night."
+
+On hearing this my mother's countenance fell; and kissing my cheek, she
+shook her head mournfully, and changed the conversation.
+
+Pendarves came home that evening in great spirits. Every thing was
+arranged for the theatricals, and the play fixed upon. It was to be the
+Belle's Stratagem, and he was to play Doricourt, a part he had often
+played before. The part of Letitia Hardy, was given to a young lady who
+was an actress on private theatres; and every part was filled but that
+of Lady Frances Touchwood.
+
+"Oh, Helen!" cried he, "how happy should I be if you would give over all
+your dismals, lay aside your scruples, and make me your slave for life,
+by undertaking this mild and modest part!"
+
+"You bribe high," I replied (turning pale at the apprehension of any
+thing so contrary to my habits and my sense of right): "but you know my
+aversion to things of the sort."
+
+"I do: but I also know your high sense of a wife's duty; and that you
+cannot but own a wife ought to obey her husband's will, when not
+contrary to the will of God."
+
+"You seem to have high though just ideas of a wife's duty," said I,
+smiling; "now, perhaps, you will favour me with your opinion of a
+husband's duty."
+
+"Willingly. It is to wean a beloved wife, if possible, from gloomy
+thoughts; to keep amusing company himself, and to make her join it: in
+short, when he has engaged in private theatricals, it is his _duty_
+to get his wife to engage in them also: and if you think such things
+dangerous to good morals, you are the more bound to engage in them, in
+order to watch over _mine_."
+
+I suspected he was right, and that the general duty should, in this
+instance, give way to the particular one; but I shrunk with aversion
+from the long and intimate association with these disagreeable if not
+disreputable people, to which it would oblige me; and after expressing
+this dislike I begged time to consider of his request.
+
+The next day I went to consult my mother, who at first would not hear
+the plan named, and declared that her child should not so far degrade
+herself as to allow her person to be profaned by such familiarities as
+acting must induce and she must suffer. But when I told her Mr. Oswald
+was to act Sir George Touchwood, a quiet, elderly married man, she was
+more reconciled to it on that score, but she disliked it as much as I
+did on other grounds. However, having convinced myself, I at length
+convinced her, that it was my duty to make myself as dear and as
+agreeable to my husband as I could, and not leave him thus exposed to
+the every day increasing fascinations of another woman.
+
+"But can you, my dear child," said she, "have fortitude enough to bear
+for days together the sight of his attentions to your rival? Will it not
+make you pettish, grave, and unamiable, and cloud your eyes in tears,
+which will incense and not affect, because they will seem a reproach?"
+
+"It will be a difficult task, and a severe trial, I own; but I humbly
+hope to be supported under it: and though the risk is great, the
+ultimate success is worth the venture."
+
+"Helen," said my mother, "till now I thought my trials as a wife great,
+and my duties severe; but I am convinced that they were easy to bear
+and easy to perform, compared to what a fond wife feels, who is forced
+to mask misery with smiles; to substitute undeserved kindness for just
+reproach; and to submit even her own superior judgement, and her own
+sense of right and wrong, to the will of her husband."
+
+"But, dear mother! I shall be repaid and rewarded at last!"
+
+"Repaid, rewarded, Helen! how? Who or what is to repay you? As well can
+_assignats_ repay bullion, as the love of a being who has grossly erred
+can reward that of one to whom error is unknown."
+
+"But he has not grossly erred; and if he had, I love him," cried I,
+deeply wounded and appalled at the truth of what she said.
+
+"Ah! there it is," she replied; "and thus does love level all in their
+turns; the weak with the strong, the sensible with the foolish. One
+thing more, Helen, before you go--You shall have your mother's
+countenance and presence to support you under your new trials: I will
+condescend to invite myself to attend rehearsals, and I will be at the
+representation."
+
+I received this offer with gratitude, and then returned to tell my
+husband that I would perform the part of Lady Frances Touchwood.
+
+He was delighted with my compliance; and on making me read the part
+aloud directly he declared that I should perform to admiration.
+
+"I should have played Letitia Hardy better," said I.
+
+"You! how conceited!"
+
+"I got that part by heart once, and I have often acted it quite through
+for my own amusement when I was quite alone. But I prefer playing Lady
+Frances now, for the days of my vanity are pretty well over."
+
+"No, no, child, they are only now beginning, according to this; and
+little did I think I had married a great actress."
+
+Pendarves then departed in high spirits to his friends, and I sat down
+to study my part. But bitter were the tears I shed over it. And was I,
+so lately the mourner over a dying and a dead child, was I about to
+engage in dissipations like these?--But humbly hoping my motive
+sanctified my deed, I shook off overwhelming recollections, and resolved
+to persevere in my new task.
+
+For some days, and till all was ready for rehearsals, Pendarves
+rehearsed his part to me, and I to him; but at length he found it
+pleasanter to have Lady Martindale hear him, he said, for her broken
+English was so amusing.
+
+I could not oppose to this excellent reason my being a better judge of
+his performance, but I was forced to submit in silence. Now, however, I
+was soon called to rehearsals, and my mother was allowed to accompany
+me.
+
+My first performance was wretched, and I thought Seymour looked ashamed
+of me; but my mother said she should have been mortified if I had done
+better the first time. The next I gained credit; but on the third day I
+found the party in great distress. The Letitia Hardy had been sent for
+to a dying father, and there was no one to undertake her part. You may
+easily guess that Seymour immediately told tales of me, and I undertook
+that prominent character: but I did not shrink from it, for my husband
+was to act with me; and Letitia Hardy was not more eager to charm
+Doricourt, than I to charm my husband.
+
+You know there is a minuet to be danced, and a song to be sung; and as
+Le Piq and Madame Rossi were the first dancers when I was young, I had
+taken lessons of both in London, and was said to dance a minuet well.
+Pendarves was equally celebrated in that dance; and as we rehearsed
+our minuet often at home, each declared the other perfect; nor was the
+little song less warmly applauded, which I substituted for the original,
+and adapted to a Scotch air. It applied to my own situation and feelings
+as well as to those of the heroine, and was as follows:
+
+ SONG.
+
+   If now before this splendid throng
+     With timid voice, but daring aim,
+   I strive to wake my pensive song
+     And urge the minstrel's tuneful claim;
+ One wish alone the anxious task can move,
+ The wish to charm the ear of HIM I LOVE.
+
+   If in the dance with eager feet
+     I seek a grace before unknown,
+   And dare the critic eye to meet,
+     Nor heed though scornful numbers frown;
+ This wish to fear superior bids me prove,
+ The wish to charm the eye of HIM I LOVE.
+
+   And if, my woman's fears resign'd,
+     I thus my loved retirement leave,
+   My humble vest with roses bind,
+     And jewels in my tresses weave;
+ One wish alone could such vast efforts move,
+ The wish to _fix the heart_ of HIM I LOVE.
+
+The rehearsals meanwhile were pleasanter than I expected. My husband
+was forced to be a great deal with me, as he had to rehearse so much
+with me; and Lady Martindale chose to practise her ballet in her own
+apartment, in sight of a long glass. Therefore I had not to bear, as
+I expected, my husband's complete neglect; and I could smile at the
+meanness which led her to come in while I was rehearsing, and lament,
+as she looked on, loud enough for Seymour and me to hear, that the
+_charmante_ Henrietta Goodwin was summoned away, and could not perform
+the heroine, because she did it _a ravir_. I saw Pendarves change colour
+often when she said this, and she said it daily; but as he thought I
+much excelled Miss Goodwin, he attributed it to female envy, and perhaps
+to jealousy of me as his wife.
+
+At length the first day of our theatricals took place, and a company far
+more select and less numerous than I expected was assembled. My mother
+had insisted on defraying my expenses, and both my dresses were elegant.
+You must forgive my vanity when I say, that with rouge replacing my
+natural bloom, and clad in a most becoming manner, I looked as young
+and as well as when I married; while to my grateful joy my husband
+seemed to admire me more than any one. Indeed he pronounced my whole
+performance beyond praise, and I know not what any one else said. I made
+one alteration, however, in the text on the night of representation,
+which called down thunders of applause. The Author makes Letitia Hardy
+say, that if her husband was unfaithful she would elope with the first
+pretty fellow that asked her, while her feelings preyed on her life. I
+could not make my lips utter such words as these; I therefore said, "I
+would not elope like some women, &c. but would patiently endure my
+sufferings, though my feelings preyed on my life."
+
+Seymour was so surprised, so confounded, and so affected, that he seized
+my hand and pressed it to his heart and his lips before he could reply:
+and my mother told me afterwards that she could scarcely controul her
+emotions at a change so worthy of me, and so well-timed. The next
+representation was deferred for a week; and, whatever was the reason,
+Lady Martindale deferred any exhibition of herself to that future
+opportunity.
+
+But the comfort and the joy of all to me was, that during this
+intermediate week I recovered my husband; and with him some of my good
+looks; while that odious lord would very fain have bestowed on me equal
+attention to what Seymour had bestowed on his wife, and of a less
+equivocal nature.
+
+Lord Charles Belmour at this period paid us an unexpected visit, having
+entirely recovered from his late indisposition. I certainly was not
+glad to see him, though I believed he regarded me with more kindness
+than formerly, and he was evidently solicitous, by the most respectful
+attentions, to conciliate the regard of my beloved mother.
+
+Out of compliment to Lord Charles, Seymour dined at home two days; but
+on the third, he insisted on taking his friend to call at Oswald Lodge,
+whose hospitable master had called on him, as soon as he heard of his
+arrival, and was anxious to have the honour of his acquaintance. Lord
+Charles thought the honour would be all on Mr. Oswald's side, and
+probably the pleasure also; but he was at length prevailed on to return
+the call, and to my great joy he returned wondering at Seymour's
+infatuation in living so much with such a vulgar set; declaring, that
+even the Lady Martindale had more the air of a French _petite maitresse_
+than of any thing akin to quality. He said this in my mother's presence
+and mine, and he could not have made, I own, better court to either.
+
+"My daughter and I always thought so; and I am glad to have our
+judgement confirmed by your lordship," answered my mother. "But my son
+thinks differently."
+
+"I do indeed," said Pendarves blushing; "and when Lord Charles sees her
+to advantage,--which he did not to-day,--he will not, I am sure, wonder
+at my admiration."
+
+"Well, we shall see," said he; "but I trust I shall not change my mind,
+if the future exhibitions of her exquisite ladyship be like that of
+to-day. You were not there, ladies; therefore, for your amusement,
+allow me to open my show-box and give you portraits of the inhabitants
+of Oswald Lodge."
+
+He then stood up, and Mr. and Mrs. Oswald lived before us: air, voice,
+attitude--all perfectly given. Then came Lord Martindale; and at these
+pictures Pendarves laughed heartily: but when Lord Charles exhibited the
+dog and lady by turns dancing, and sometimes barking for the one, and
+throwing himself into attitudes and smiling for the other, my husband
+looked much disconcerted, and said it was a gross caricature. But we did
+not think it so; and though neither my mother nor myself approved such
+exhibitions, and on principle discouraged them, still on this occasion
+I must own they were very gratifying to me. But the feeling was an
+unworthy one, and it was soon punished; for Seymour said with a look of
+reproach, "You have mortified me, Helen: I had given you credit for more
+generosity: I did not think you would thus enjoy a laugh at any one's
+expense; especially that of one whose graces and talents you have
+yourself acknowledged."
+
+I felt humbled and ashamed at the just reproof, though I thought he
+should not thus have reproved me, and I was silent; but my mother
+haughtily replied, "I am glad to hear you own you are mortified to find
+your wife has some leaven of human frailty; as I am now for the first
+time convinced that you appreciate her justly."
+
+"I have many faults," he replied; "but that of not valuing Helen as she
+deserves was never one of them; and oh! how deeply do I feel and
+bitterly lament that I am not more worthy of her and you!"
+
+My mother instantly held out her hand to him; while Lord Charles
+exclaimed, "What a graceful and candid avowal! No wonder the offender
+is so soon forgiven! But believe me, dear madam, there is no hope of
+amendment from persons who are so ready to own their faults; for they
+consider that candour makes amends for all their errors, and throws such
+a charm over them, that they have no motive to improve, especially if
+they are young and handsome like my friend here; for really he looked so
+pretty, and modest and pathetic, that I wondered you only gave him your
+hand to kiss."
+
+"Be quiet, Lord Charles; you are not a kind commentator."
+
+"But I am a just one. Oh! believe me, there is more hope of an ugly dog
+like me, who can't look affecting, than of such a man as Seymour. I
+cannot make error look engaging if I would, and therefore must reform
+in good earnest when I wish to please."
+
+That night Seymour, who sat up with Lord Charles, did not come to bed
+till some hours after me. I was awake when he entered the room, and
+could not help asking him what had kept them up so late, anticipating
+his answer only too well. "We sat up playing piquet," said he in a
+cheerful voice; "and I am a great winner, Helen. If Lord Charles stays
+some days, and plays as he did to-night, I am a made man: only think of
+my winning a hundred pounds since you left us!"
+
+"But if Lord Charles should not always play as he did to-night, and you
+should lose a hundred pounds, what is to become of you then?"
+
+"Psha, Helen! you are always so wise and cautious: there, there, go to
+sleep, and do not alarm yourself concerning what may never happen."
+
+But I could not go to sleep, though I said no more; and I saw that our
+guest would probably upset those resolutions to which Pendarves had for
+some time adhered. True, he had not been tempted to break them; but had
+his desire for play been strong, he could have sought means to indulge
+it. He had not done so, and therefore I thought him cured; though, as
+most persons have recourse to gaming merely to produce excitement, and
+the stimulus of alternate hope and fear, I could not but see that Oswald
+Lodge and Lady Martindale amply supplied to my husband the place of
+play; and so that he was interested and amused, it mattered not whence
+that feeling was derived. And this was he who had declared himself the
+votary of domestic habits, home amusements and literary pursuits! But
+now he was most unexpectedly and unnecessarily assailed; for he had not
+gone to temptation, but it was come to him,--and my resolution was
+taken.
+
+The next morning, while we were at breakfast, a chaise stopped at our
+door. It was sent from Oswald Lodge, to convey my husband thither
+immediately; as a note from Lady Martindale informed him, that she could
+not make arrangements for the next evening's exhibition without his
+advice and assistance: for nobody, she added, had any taste but himself.
+
+This note Lord Charles playfully snatched from him, and would read
+aloud, much to Seymour's annoyance; as, though the language was elegant,
+there was not a word spelt right, and every rule of grammar was
+violated.
+
+"The education of this well born lady was much neglected, I see," said
+Lord Charles: "would she could spell as well as she can flatter!"
+
+He then read the concluding compliment aloud.
+
+"_C'est un peu fort,_" he observed, returning the note; which Seymour
+angrily observed he ought not to have allowed him to read.
+
+"Well; but you obey the summons, I suppose?"
+
+"Certainly."
+
+"And when may we hope to see you again?"
+
+"As soon as I can get away."
+
+"That may not be till bed-time."
+
+"Impossible! have I not promised to give you your revenge this evening?"
+
+"Yes; but when a lady's in the case--"
+
+"Nonsense! I shall return to dinner."
+
+"And not before? How mortifying it is to me to see that you are not
+afraid of leaving me so many hours at liberty to pay court to your
+wife,--with whom, you know, I am desperately in love!"
+
+"If my wife were not what she is, I should be so; and my confidence, I
+assure you, is not in you, but in her."
+
+"Besides, we shall not be alone, my lord, for I am going to challenge
+you," said I, "to call on my mother."
+
+"Agreed! And now I am flattered. Your lady, you see, thinks me a more
+formidable person than you do. Suppose, my dear lady, that we go off
+together, only to punish him for his weak confidence?"
+
+"We will consider of it," said I, laughing; "and in the meanwhile we
+will visit my mother."
+
+My husband then drove off and I prepared for my walk.--When I returned,
+I found Lord Charles walking up and down the room, and with a thoughtful
+disturbed countenance.
+
+"Mrs. Pendarves," cried he, "I have no patience with that infatuated
+husband of yours! Here am I come on purpose to see him and for a short
+time only, and yet, at the call of this equivocal French peeress, he
+leaves me, and has the indecorum, too, to go away and leave me with
+his beautiful wife! Tell me, do you not believe in love-powders and
+philters? for surely some must have been administered to him."
+
+"Not necessarily: my ill-health, the consequence of sorrow, and that
+sorrow itself made poor Seymour's home uncomfortable to him; he did
+not like to see me suffer, therefore he acquired a habit of seeking
+amusement elsewhere; and the flatteries and invitations of these gay and
+agreeable people have at last obtained a complete ascendency over him."
+
+"That I see; and such people too! And to think of what the foolish man
+leaves! Mrs. Pendarves, I think that if I had had such a wife as his, I
+could not have left my home as he does."
+
+"Lord Charles," replied I, "this is language which I will not listen
+to; but I laugh at your self-deception. The habits of all men of the
+world are similar, and alike powerful, and your wife would be left as I
+am: but I assure you that I am convinced my husband loves me tenderly
+notwithstanding; and I am trying, by conforming to his habits, to make
+myself as agreeable to him as others are."
+
+Lord Charles seemed about to break into violent exclamations of some
+kind or other; but I stopped him, and begged to lead the way to my
+mother's. He bowed respectfully, and followed me: then taking his arm, I
+tried to begin the conversation I meditated; and luckily he made my task
+easy by saying, "I conclude Pendarves told you how completely he beat me
+at cards last night? But he has promised to give me my revenge to-night.
+The truth is, I have not played picquet these two years; but before I
+leave you, I expect to recover my knowledge, and to turn my visit to
+account: for I have been very unsuccessful at Brookes's lately."
+
+I now stopped, and said, "Hear me, Lord Charles! I believe that you can
+be a kind and honourable man, and that you are really disposed to be a
+friend to me."
+
+"To be sure--to be sure I am."
+
+"I feel, I own, your power to be my foe in many essential points, but I
+am equally sure that you can be my friend if you choose; and I request
+you, if you value my peace of mind, not to tempt my husband to renew
+that habit and fondness for play, which he had lost, which he cannot
+afford to indulge, and which, I assure you, has impoverished and
+distressed us."
+
+"You amaze me! Impoverished!"
+
+"Yes; we have been forced to part with our horses and dismiss servants.
+Surely, therefore, it would not be the part of a friend to lure
+Pendarves to the risk of losing a hundred pounds a-night. My lord, I
+throw myself on your generosity, and say no more."
+
+"You have said enough; and the admirable wife's prudence shall make
+amends for the rashness of her husband. Besides, I am so flattered by
+your confidence in me! At last to find you considering me as a friend,
+and asking assistance from me as a friend! I protest I am more flattered
+by your friendship than I should be by the love of twenty other
+women.--Take my revenge! No, indeed. He shall keep his hundred pounds:
+'I will none of it.'"
+
+"Hold; not so: play with him this evening; but whether you win or lose,
+declare you will play no more. I would rather you should win back the
+money, and even more; for it may be dangerous to Seymour to feel himself
+enriched by play, and he may go on, though not with you: but after this
+evening, forbear."
+
+"Excellent! excellent! O that ever I should come hither! I shall be a
+lost man: for I shall fancy it so charming a thing to have a wife to
+take care of me, that I shall marry, and find too late there is only
+one Helen Pendarves!--But tell me, do you wish me to go away to-day,
+to-morrow, or when--in order to put you out of your pain?"
+
+"By no means: I rely implicitly on your promise; and I owe it to you to
+assure you, Lord Charles, that your company is most welcome to me, and
+that I shall not forget your kindness."
+
+I now offered him my hand, which he was going to kiss; but suddenly
+dropping it, he said, "No--no; take it away.--You must not be too good
+to me: I am not a man to be trusted with much flattery and kindness:
+for, ugly as I am, the women have so spoiled me, that I may fancy even
+you are kind to me '_pour l'amour des mes beaux yeux_,'"[6] opening his
+gooseberry eyes as wide as he could, and in a manner so irresistibly
+comic, that I gave way to that laughter which he delighted to excite. I
+therefore entered my mother's parlour looking more animated than usual,
+and she looked most graciously on my companion as the cause: but she
+seemed displeased when she found Pendarves was gone to Oswald Lodge, and
+had left me to entertain his noble guest.
+
+  [Footnote 6: For the love of my fine eyes.]
+
+I now took my departure, having some poor cottagers to visit. When I
+came back, I saw by the thoughtful brow and flushed cheek of both, that
+their conversation had been of a very interesting nature; and I also saw
+that there was an air of confiding intimacy between them, which I never
+expected to see between two persons so little accordant in habits and
+sentiments.
+
+But every human being has a capacity for good as well as evil, and
+the great difference in us all results chiefly, I believe, from the
+favourable or unfavourable circumstances in which we are placed. Lord
+Charles had been so circumstanced, that his capacity for evil alone had
+been cultivated; and till he knew my mother and myself, he had never met
+in women any other description of companions than those whom he courted,
+conquered, and despised,--and those whose rigid morals and disagreeable
+manners threw him haughtily at a distance, and made him hate virtue for
+their sakes. But now, trusted, noticed, liked by women of a different
+kind, his good feelings were awakened; and while with us, he really was
+the amiable being which he might, differently situated, have always
+been.
+
+"I love to be with you," said he to us: "your influence is so beneficial
+over me, and you wrap me in such a pleasing illusion! for while I am
+with you I fancy myself as good as you are: but when I go away, I shall
+be just as bad again.--Well; have you nothing to say in reply? How
+disappointed I am! for I thought you would in mercy have exclaimed,
+'Then stay here for ever!' Would I could!"
+
+And indeed, when he did go, I missed him.--But to return to the place
+whence I digressed. Pendarves came home time enough to take a ride with
+Lord Charles, but he took care to let him see that he expected more
+attention from him. That evening he challenged my husband to picquet;
+and having won back nearly the whole of what he had lost, positively
+declined playing any more: and, much to Seymour's vexation, he would not
+play again while he staid. The second night's performances at Oswald
+Lodge now took place; but though Lord Charles staid to be present at
+them, he could not help expressing his astonishment to me, when alone,
+that a modest, respectable gentlewoman like myself should ever have
+joined in them, and that my husband should have permitted it.
+
+"It is very well for these fiddling, frolicking, fun-hunting Oswalds,"
+said he, "to fill their house with persons and things of this sort,
+and rant and roar, and kick and jump, and make fools and tumblers of
+themselves and such of their guests as like it: but never did I expect
+to see the dignified and retiring Helen Pendarves exhibiting her person
+on a stage, and levelling herself to a Lady Martindale. As your friend,
+your adoring friend, I tell you, that such an exhibition degrades you."
+
+"It would do so were it my choice, but it is my necessity; and the
+fulfilment of a painful duty exalts rather than degrades."
+
+"Duty!"
+
+"Yes; my husband required me to act, and I obeyed."
+
+"I understand you. Oh! what a rash, ill-judging being he is! But I beg
+your pardon, and will say no more. Yet I must add, you are justified;
+but alas! what can justify him?"
+
+This conversation did not give me any additional courage to undertake
+and execute my task; especially as I had no reputation as an actress to
+lose, and other circumstances increased my timidity.--Lady Martindale
+had purposely reserved all her powers for this evening, and, as she
+herself said, she was very glad to have her performance witnessed by
+such a judge as Lord Charles Belmour--a man whose opinion, she knew, was
+looked up to in all circles as decisive, with regard to beauty, grace,
+and talents. No wonder, therefore, that to throw her spells round him
+was become the object of her ambition. Hitherto he had avoided her, and
+she seemed conscious that he did not admire her. Her only hope was, I
+believe, therefore, to charm him at once by a _coup de theatre_; and
+while she convinced Pendarves that for him alone she should exert her
+various powers, her fascinating graces were in reality aimed at Lord
+Charles: so I thought and suspected,--and though jealousy blinds, it
+also very often enlightens.
+
+She was to begin the entertainments by acting a French proverb with a
+French gentleman, an _emigre_, who was staying at the house; and having
+no doubt of her transcendent powers, I felt very reluctant to enter
+into competition with her. Yet, was not the prize for which I strove
+my husband's admiration? But then was I not degrading myself from the
+dignity of a wife and a private gentlewoman, by putting myself into a
+competition like this? The question was difficult to answer, and while I
+was thus ruminating, the curtain drew up.
+
+I shall not describe her performance: suffice, that the exhibition was
+perfect. The dialogue was epigrammatic, and the scenes too short to let
+the attention flag. Every word, every gesture, every look told; and the
+curtain dropped amidst the loudest applauses.
+
+I could only see from the side-scene; but I saw enough to make me feel
+my own inferiority, and I went on for Letitia Hardy in a tremor of
+spirits of which I was quite ashamed; nor could the kindest of the
+audience applaud me, except from pity and the wish to encourage me;
+while I saw that Lord Charles could not even do that, and sat silent,
+and, I thought, uneasy. However, I recovered myself in the masquerade
+scene, though my voice when I sung still trembled with emotion; and now
+I was overwhelmed with plaudits, and even Lord Charles seemed pleased;
+for, as I was masked, I could examine the audience.
+
+Still the play went off languidly after the lively petite piece, and I
+saw I had mortified my husband's vanity, which my first performance had
+gratified.
+
+Much impatience was expressed for the next entertainment, which was
+Rouseau's Pygmalion. Pygmalion by the French Marquis; the Statue, by
+Lady Martindale. This was received with delight; and I saw that the
+beautiful statue, whose exquisite proportions were any thing but
+concealed by the dress she wore, absorbed completely the attention
+of Pendarves; and when she left the stage apparently exhausted, how
+different were the look and manner with which he led her to her
+dressing-room, to those with which he had so handed me!
+
+"Why, why," said I to myself, "did I attempt a comparison, in which I
+was sure to fail?" But if I had erred, I had meant well, and my mother
+had approved my conduct, and that must console me under my want of
+success; for, instead of winning Seymour back, I now saw that, feeling
+my rival's superiority over me, he would be more her slave than ever.
+
+The whole concluded with a ballet of action, a monodrame, by Lady
+Martindale, to which I was too uncomfortable to attend; but what I saw I
+thought admirable. She pretended to be overcome with fatigue when it was
+ended, and fell into my husband's arms, who in his alarm called me to
+her assistance. I went; but her lip retained its glowing hue, and I saw
+in her illness nothing but a new attitude, and that the statue was now
+recumbent. Having been long enough contemplated in this posture, she
+opened her eyes, fixed them with a dying look on Pendarves, and then
+desired him to lead her to her apartment: whence she returned attired in
+a splendid mantle, which seemed in modesty thrown over her statue dress,
+but which coquettishly displayed occasionally the form it seemed
+intended to hide.
+
+I never saw Lord Charles so disconcerted as he was during the whole of
+the time. He could not bear to praise the heroine of the evening, yet
+he felt that praise was her due. Nor could he bear either to find fault
+with or to praise _me_. In this dilemma, he seemed to think it was
+best to be silent; and drawing himself up, he entrenched himself in
+the consciousness that he was Lord Charles Belmour. But while Lady
+Martindale leaned on Seymour on one side and I on the other, as we
+were awaiting the summons to supper, surrounded by our flatterers, one
+glance at my dejected countenance brought back his kinder feelings; and
+turning to my mother, who held his arm, he said, "Shall I tell your fair
+daughter how enchanted I was with the masquerade scene?"
+
+"I assure you," said Seymour, "Helen did not do herself justice
+to-night: she did not act as well as she can act."
+
+"I should have been very sorry, so much do I esteem her, to have
+seen her act better," was his cold reply. "Would you have your wife,
+Pendarves, perform as well as a professional person, and as if she had
+been brought up on the stage?"
+
+"I would wish my wife to do well whatever she undertakes," replied
+Seymour.
+
+"And so she does, and so she _did_; but if you do not love her the
+better (as I am sure you do) for the graceful timidity which she
+displayed, I could not esteem you."
+
+Lady Martindale, who watched his very look, now bit her lip, and
+Seymour did not look pleased. My mother owned afterwards, that what
+with pinching Lord Charles's arm, to see how Lord and Lady Martindale
+both were confused by the first part of his speech, and squeezing it
+affectionately from delight at the last, she is very sure Lord Charles
+carried her marks with him to London. _I_ too could scarcely keep the
+grateful tears from flowing down my cheeks, which his well timed
+kindness brought into my eyes: but I saw that my expression was not lost
+upon him.
+
+Seymour led Lady Martindale to the head of the supper table, and Lord
+Charles on account of his rank was forced to sit next her.
+
+"Painful pre-eminence!" he whispered to my mother, who, as I was one of
+the queens of the night, insisted on my taking her place on the other
+side. Lord Martindale seated himself next me; and Seymour took the seat
+vacant by Lady Martindale. As Lord Charles scarcely noticed her, except
+as far as civility commanded, Lady Martindale soon turned her back on
+him, and Seymour and she seemed to forget any one else was present.
+
+Lord Charles endeavoured by the most unremitting attentions to conceal
+from me what must, he knew, distress me. But he could not do it: I
+heard every whisper of their softened voices, and I dare say my uneasy
+countenance was a complete and whimsical contrast to that of Lord
+Martindale, who seemed perfectly easy under circumstances which would
+have distressed most men, and talked and laughed with every one in his
+turn.
+
+The Lord and Lady of the feast, who were never tired of exhibitions,
+now began their usual demands on the talents of their guests, and were
+importunate in soliciting several of them to sing, a custom which I
+usually think "more honoured in the breach than the observance;" but on
+this occasion it was welcome to me, especially as I knew that it must
+for a time interrupt Seymour's attention to Lady Martindale. But as the
+hypochondriac, when he reads a book on diseases, always finds his own
+symptoms in every case before him, so I in the then existing state of
+my feelings always brought home every thing I heard or read to my own
+heart; and two of the songs which were sung that night accorded so well
+with my own state of mind, that I felt the tears come into my eyes as I
+listened; and during the following one Pendarves sighed so audibly, that
+I imagined he felt great sympathy with the sentiments; and that idea
+increased my suffering:--
+
+ SONG.
+
+ O that I could recall the day
+   When all my hours to thee were given,
+ And, as I gazed my soul away,
+   Thou wert my treasure, world, and heaven!
+
+ Then time on noiseless pinions flew,
+   And life like one bright morning beam'd:
+ Then love around us roses threw,
+   Which ever fresh and fragrant seem'd.
+ And are these moments gone for ever?
+   And can they ne'er return? NO NEVER.
+
+ For oh! that cruel traitor Time,
+   Although he might unheeded move,
+ Bore off our YOUTH'S luxuriant prime,
+   And _also_ stole the _bloom of_ LOVE.
+
+ Yet still the thought of raptures past
+   Shall gild life's dull remaining store,
+ As sinking suns a _splendour_ cast
+   On scenes their _presence lights_ no more.
+
+ But are those raptures gone for ever?
+   And will they ne'er return? NO NEVER.
+
+The other song was only in unison with my feelings in the last lines of
+the last verse. Still, while my morbid fancy made me consider them as
+the expression of my own sentiments, I listened with such a tell-tale
+countenance, that my delicacy was wounded; for I saw that my emotion was
+visible to those who sat opposite to me.
+
+The song was as follows:--
+
+ FAIREST, SWEETEST, DEAREST,
+
+ A SONG.
+
+
+ "Say, by what name can I impart
+  My sense, dear girl, of what thou art?
+    Nay, though to frown thou darest,
+  I'll say thou art of _girls the pride_:
+  And though that modest lip may chide,
+    Mary! I'll call thee 'FAIREST.'
+
+ "Yet no--that word can but express
+  The soft and winning loveliness
+    In which the sight thou meetest.
+  But not thy heart, thy temper too,
+  So good, so sweet--Ha! that will do!
+    Mary! I'll call thee 'SWEETEST.'
+
+ "But 'fairest, sweetest,' vain would be
+  To speak the love I feel for thee:
+    Why smilest thou as thou hearest?"
+  "Because," she cried, "one little name
+  Is all I wish from thee to claim--
+    That _precious_ name is 'DEAREST.'"
+
+You will not, I conclude, imagine that I remember these songs only from
+having heard them that night, especially as they have very little merit;
+but the truth is, I was so pleased with them, because I fancied them
+applicable to my own feelings, that I requested them of the gentlemen
+who sung, and they were given to me.
+
+Lord Charles meanwhile listened to the singing with great impatience, as
+he had had enough of the company, which was very numerous, and by no
+means as select as it had been before. Indeed at one table were many
+persons in whom the observant eye of Lord Charles discovered associates
+whose evident vulgarity made him feel himself out of his place. However,
+he could not presume to break up the party; and as our indefatigable
+host and hostess still kept forcing the talents of their guests into
+their service, song succeeded to song, and duet to duet. From one of the
+latter, however, sung by a lady and gentleman, I at length derived a
+soothing feeling; and in one moment, an observation of Seymour's, with,
+as I fancied, a correspondent and intended expression of countenance,
+removed a load from my heart, and my clouded brow became consciously to
+myself unclouded again.
+
+The words of this healing duet were as follows:--
+
+ DUET.
+
+ "Say, why art thou pensive, beloved of my heart?
+ Indeed I am happy wherever thou art:
+ My eyes I confess toward others may rove,
+ But never, believe me, with wishes of love.
+ And trust me, however my _glances_ may roam,
+ Of them, and _my heart_, THOU ALONE ART THE HOME!"
+
+ ANSWER.
+
+ "Perhaps I am wrong thus dejected to be;
+ But my faithful eyes never wander from _thee_.
+ On beauty and youth _I unconsciously_ gaze,
+ No thought, no emotion in me they can raise;
+ And ah! if thine eyes get the habit to roam,
+ How can I _be certain_ they'll EVER COME HOME?"
+
+ "Oh! trust thy own charms! See the bee as he flies,
+ And visits each blossom of exquisite dies;
+ There culls of their sweetness some store for his cell;
+ But short are his visits, and prompt his farewell;
+ For still he remembers, howe'er he may roam,
+ That _hoard of delight_ which AWAITS HIM AT HOME.
+
+ "Then trust me, however thy Henry may roam,
+ I feel my best pleasures AWAIT ME AT HOME."
+
+ "I'll try to believe, howsoever thou roam,
+ Thy heart's dearest pleasures await thee at home."
+
+"That is a charming duet," cried Seymour when it was ended. Then leaning
+behind Lady Martindale and Lord Charles, and calling to me, he said,
+with a look from which my conscious eye shrunk, "Helen, I admire the
+sentiment of that duet. I think, my love, we will get it--we should sing
+it _con amore_, should we not?" I could not look at him as I replied,
+"_I_ could, I am sure."
+
+"Silly girl," he added in a low and kind tone, "and so, I am sure, could
+I."
+
+I then ventured to raise my eyes to his; and his expression was such,
+that I felt quite a different creature, and was able to enjoy the rest
+of the evening.
+
+But why do I enter into these minute and unimportant details? Let me
+efface them--but no, perhaps they may chance to meet the eyes of some
+whose hearts have felt the anxieties and the vicissitudes of mine, and
+to them they may be interesting.
+
+Lord Martindale was now requested to favour the company with a song,
+and with great good nature he instantly complied;--while Lord Charles
+whispered across me to my mother, "What a disgrace that fellow is to the
+peerage!"
+
+"By his vices I grant you," replied my mother, "but not by his obliging
+compliance."
+
+Lord Charles shrugged up his shoulders and was about to reply, when
+Silence was vociferated rather angrily by the lady of the house, who had
+not been blind to the airs which, as she said, Lord Charles had given
+himself the whole evening. Lord Martindale, as may be supposed, was
+greatly applauded, on the same principle as that mentioned by the poet
+with regard to noble authors:
+
+ "For if a lord once own the happy lines,
+  How the wit brightens! how the taste refines!"
+
+and the noisy expressions of admiration which rewarded a very mediocre
+performance did not increase the good humour of our noble guest, against
+whom I saw an attack preparing at the bottom of the table. At length
+a very pretty girl, and who had sung with considerable skill, tried
+to engage the attention of Lord Charles; and finding "Sir" was not
+sufficient, she added "Mr. Belmour, Sir!" But some one whispered, "He is
+a Lord;" on which she said, "Dear me! Well then, My lord, Lord Belmour;"
+and Lord Charles turned towards the pretty speaker, while a half-muttered
+"Vulgar animal!" was audible to my mother and myself, and formed a
+ludicrous contrast to the affectedly respectful attention and bent head
+with which he listened to what she had to observe.
+
+But when he found that the young lady was requesting him to sing, and
+that she declared she had a claim on him, his expression of mingled
+_hauteur_, astonishment, and indignation, was highly comic, and we who
+knew him were eagerly expecting his answer, when we heard him say,
+having bowed and smirked his hand affectedly to his heart at the same
+time, "with the greatest pleasure in life;--which wine, claret or
+Champagne?"
+
+"Dear me," cried the young lady, "I did not ask you to drink, but to
+sing, my lord."
+
+"Oh! Champagne; very good. Carry a glass to that young lady:" but she
+indignantly rejected it, and repeated her request.
+
+"I beg pardon," replied the impracticable Lord Charles, "I thought you
+said Champagne: then take claret to the young lady," who in vain exerted
+her voice. He remained quite deaf, holding his ear like a deaf person,
+much to the amusement of the company and the confusion of the fair
+supplicant, who had been encouraged by the admiring glances which Lord
+Charles had till now bestowed on her, to think that any request from her
+would have been attended to.
+
+Thus far Lord Charles's endangered dignity had come off with flying
+colours, as it was no great affront to be requested to sing by a pretty
+girl, even though she had told him that he had a singing face, and
+looked like a singer; for the turn which he had given to her application
+got the laugh on his side, and he was very sure that she would not so
+presume again. But he was not to be let off so easily; for Mr. Oswald,
+who, being almost "as drunk as a lord," felt himself quite as great as
+one, now came behind Lord Charles, and giving him a sounding blow across
+the back, exclaimed with an oath, "Come, now, Belmour, there is a good
+fellow, do sing, for I have heard you are a comical dog when you like."
+
+If a look could have annihilated, that instant would the little fat man
+have disappeared from off the face of the earth. The glance of Lord
+Charles was powerless even to wound Mr. Oswald; and he was equally
+unmoved when, scorning even to answer his importunate host, our friend
+suddenly addressed my mother, saying, "I think, Mrs. Pendarves, you
+desired me to call your carriage?"
+
+"You are mistaken, my lord," replied my mother, with a reproving
+look which he well understood; and his tormentor was going to assail
+him again, when Seymour, to relieve Lord Charles, drew him into
+conversation; and I had just advised his still irritated guest to
+remember that Oswald was intoxicated, when our attention was attracted
+to a conversation between Mrs. Oswald and another lady, of which Lord
+Charles was the subject; and it was evident that Mrs. Oswald spoke of
+him in no friendly tone.
+
+"Yes, my lord," said she, "you may look; we were certainly talking of
+your lordship."
+
+"You do me much honour, madam."
+
+"That is as it may be, my lord; but I was trying to do you justice, for
+my friend said it was pride that prevented your singing; but _I_ said--"
+(and here she raised her voice to a shriller and more ludicrous pitch
+than usual) "yes, I said, says I, 'That is impossible, my dear; it
+cannot be pride; for if a real peer of the realm,' says I, 'the real
+thing, condescends to sing and amuse the company, surely Lord Charles
+Belmour need not be above it, who is only a commonly called, you know.'"
+
+Instantly, to my consternation, and afterwards to his own, Lord Charles,
+thrown off his guard by this sarcasm, echoed her last words, and gave
+her tone and manner so exactly, that the effect upon the company was
+irresistible, and a general laugh ensued; which, to do him justice,
+shocked more than it gratified the self-condemned mimic, who could only
+for a moment be provoked to violate the rules of good breeding; and he
+was completely subdued, when Mrs. Oswald, with a degree of forbearance
+and good-humour which exalted her in my esteem, observed, "Well, my
+lord, you have condescended to exert your talent of mimicry, though you
+would not sing; and though it was at my expense, I am grateful to you,
+as you have contributed to amuse my company."
+
+"Admirably replied!" exclaimed my mother.
+
+"Excellent, excellent, bravo!" cried Pendarves; while Lord Charles,
+admonished, penitent and ashamed, was not slow to redeem himself from
+the sort of disgrace which he had incurred. Rising gracefully and
+bowing his head on his clasped hands, he solicited her pardon for the
+liberty which her evident nature had emboldened him to take, declaring
+at the same time, that if she forgave him, it would be long before he
+should forgive himself.
+
+Mrs. Oswald, who was really as kind-hearted as she seemed, readily
+granted the pardon which he asked, and he respectfully pressed her
+offered hand to his lips. He did more; for while the carriages were
+called, he suddenly disappeared, and in a moment we could have fancied
+ourselves at the door of Drury-lane or Covent-garden; for the offered
+services of link-boys, the cries of "Coach, coach," and "Here, your
+honour," with all the different sounds, were heard in the hall; and
+while the guests listened delighted to this new and unexpected
+entertainment, the Oswalds were, I saw, evidently gratified at finding
+that it proceeded from the talent of Lord Charles. O the unnecessary
+humiliation to which pride exposes itself! Had he civilly though firmly
+refused the young lady's and Mr. Oswald's request to sing, and not
+discovered in the evening his haughty contempt for the company and his
+host, or insulted his hostess, he needed not to have condescended to an
+expiatory exhibition from which under other circumstances his pride
+would have properly revolted.
+
+Thus ended this to me disagreeable evening, which extended far into
+the morning. The drive home was pleasant; for Lord Charles, having
+reconciled himself to himself by his ample _amende honorable_, and by
+the generous candour with which he received our reproofs, thought he
+was privileged to indulge his less amiable feelings by turning some of
+the company into ridicule, and exhibiting them to the very life before
+us. I must own that I again felt an ungenerous pleasure in some part of
+the entertainment, namely his mimicry of Lady Martindale, which I vainly
+endeavoured to subdue, and I was glad that, as Pendarves rode on the
+box, he did not witness my degradation. I must add, that both my mother
+and myself were gratified to observe that Lord Charles forbore to mimic
+our kind but vulgar host and hostess; and my mother took care to let him
+know indirectly that his delicacy was not lost upon her.
+
+Another performance was fixed for that day week; the original Letitia
+Hardy, however, was expected, and most gladly did I offer to resign my
+part to her. Still, I was mortified to see with how little concern
+Pendarves heard me offer my resignation, and saw it accepted. Alas!
+not even Lord Charles's and my mother's joy at my being removed from a
+situation which they thought unworthy of me, could reconcile me to his
+indifference on the subject.
+
+The next day Lord Charles was to leave us; but I saw that his departure
+was more welcome to my husband than to my mother and myself. In the
+morning he had requested Pendarves to walk with him round the grounds,
+and they returned, I observed, with disturbed countenances.
+
+Lord Charles then called, and sat some time with my mother. What passed
+between them I do not know; but their parting was even affectionate,
+and his with me was distinguished from all our other partings by a
+degree of emotion for which I could not account.
+
+"How I shall miss you!" said I, softened by his dejection.
+
+"Thank you! I can bear better to leave you now:" and springing into his
+carriage he drove off and I felt forlorn; for I felt that I had lost a
+friend: and I also felt that I wanted one who, like him, had some check
+over my husband.
+
+What more shall I say of this painful period of my life, for which,
+however, painful as it was, I would gladly have exchanged that which
+soon followed? One day was a transcript of the other. Pendarves, ever
+good-natured and kind while he was at home, seemed to think that he was
+thereby justified in leaving me continually; but as I was not of that
+opinion, to use a French phrase, _je deperissois a vue d'oeil;_ and
+though I affected to be cheerful, my mother saw that my feelings were
+undermining my existence. But not even to her would I complain of my
+husband and she respected my silence too much to wish me to break it.
+However she was with me,--she, I felt, never would forsake me, or love
+me less; and while I had her, I was far from being completely miserable.
+Alas! what was she not to me? friend, counsellor, comforter!
+
+But the decree was gone forth, and even her I was doomed to resign!
+
+Not long after Lord Charles had quitted us, I perceived a visible
+alteration in my mother's appearance. I saw that she ate little, that
+she was very soon fatigued, and that her fine spirits were gone. I had
+no doubt but that she fretted for my anxieties. I therefore laboured the
+more to convince her that I was not as uneasy as she thought me.
+
+But how vainly did I try to veil my heart from her penetrating glance!
+if there be such a thing as the art of divination, it is possessed by
+the eagle eye of interested affection, and that was hers.
+
+My mother saw all my secret struggles; she pitied, she resented their
+cause; and I have sometimes feared that she sunk under them.
+
+One morning, Pendarves on his return from Oswald Lodge came in with a
+very animated countenance, and told us a new description of amusement
+was introduced there, namely, archery, and he must beg me to go with him
+the next day, and learn to be an archer. "Lady Martindale," cried he,
+"already shoots like Diana herself."
+
+"The only resemblance, I should think," said my mother, "which she has
+to Diana. But what do you say to this proposal, Helen? I must take leave
+to say that, as your mother, you can never go to Oswald Lodge again with
+my consent on any terms: and to engage in this new competition, oh!
+never, never!"
+
+"And why not, madam? There is nothing indelicate in such an exhibition;
+and I own my pride in Helen, as a husband, made me wish to see her fine
+form exhibited in the graceful action of shooting at a target. Besides,
+as I really wish if possible to associate her in all my amusements, I
+was delighted to think this new pursuit would have led her to join me
+in my visits to the Lodge, and I am really desirous to know on what
+grounds you object to her obliging me."
+
+"On account of the company there. Mr. and Mrs. Oswald are weak, vain
+people, fond of courting persons of quality; and so as they can but be
+intimate with a Lord and Lady, they care not of what description they
+are. This Lord Martindale is, I find, a man not much noticed by his
+equals; and as to Lady Martindale, the woman who could so expose her
+person in the dress of a Statue is not a fit companion for my daughter,
+nor your wife."
+
+"You are severe, madam; but what says Helen?"
+
+"That my mother does not make sufficient allowances for the difference
+of manners and ideas between a French and an English woman; and that
+the dress which shocks us in the former does not necessarily prove
+incorrectness of conduct."
+
+"Incorrectness of conduct! and can your mother suppose I would introduce
+my wife to a woman whom I knew to be incorrect in her conduct?"
+
+"No, Seymour, no: I do you more justice. But it is my duty to inform you
+that it is suspected this person is Lord Martindale's mistress only, not
+his wife."
+
+"Not his wife!" interrupted Seymour.
+
+"No, so I am informed. As to him, you know his character is so infamous
+that one can wonder at nothing he does; and he has been suspected of
+being a spy for the French convention, as well as the lady."
+
+"Madam," said Seymour, "I thought you had been above listening to tales
+like these, and I cannot think myself justified in acting upon them. On
+the contrary, by taking my wife to the Lodge, I think it right to show
+my disregard of them, especially as by staying away, and by her distant
+manner when there, Helen has already injured the character of Lady
+Martindale, and made even my attentions to her the source of calumny.
+This the afflicted lady told me with tears and lamentations, and Helen's
+renewed visits can alone repair the injury her absence has done."
+
+"So, then, this is the real reason of your wishing to make Helen a
+sharer in your amusements, and to exhibit her fine form to advantage!"
+exclaimed my mother indignantly. "But, Mr. Pendarves, if your constant
+visits are injurious to the fame of this afflicted lady, you know your
+remedy--discontinue them; for never, with my consent, shall my virtuous
+daughter lend her assistance to shield any one from the infamy which
+they deserve."
+
+"Deserve, madam!" cried Seymour, as indignant as she was: "repeat
+that, and, spite of the love and reverence I bear you, I shall exert
+a husband's lawful authority, and see who dares dispute it."
+
+"Not I," she replied, folding her arms submissively on her breast, "and
+still less that poor trembling girl. No, Pendarves, my only resource now
+is supplication and entreaty: and I conjure you, by the dear name of
+your beloved mother, and by the memory of past fond and endearing
+circumstances, and hours, to grant the prayer of a dying woman, and not
+to force your wife to this abode of revelry and riot. I feel my days
+are already numbered; and when I am taken from you, bitter will be your
+recollections if you refuse, my son, and soothing if you grant my
+prayer. I know you, Seymour, and I know that you cannot do any great
+cruelty without great remorse."
+
+It was some moments before Pendarves could speak; at length he
+said--"Your request alone would have been sufficient, without your
+calling up such agonizing ideas. Helen, my best love, tell your mother
+you shall never go to Oswald Lodge again." He then put his handkerchief
+to his eyes, and rushed out of the room.
+
+"The foolish boy's heart is in the right place still," said my mother,
+giving way to tears, but smiling at the same time.
+
+But I, alas! could neither smile nor speak. She had called herself a
+dying woman; and through the rest of the day I could do nothing but
+look at and watch her, and go out of the room to weep; and my night
+was passed in wretchedness and prayer.
+
+The next day I found my husband cold and sullen in manner; and I
+suspected that, having engaged to bring me to Oswald Lodge, he was
+mortified and ashamed to go thither without me, and would, I doubted
+not, make some excuse for my staying away which was not strictly true.
+
+No one could feel more strongly or more virtuously than Pendarves: but
+good feelings, unless they are under the guard of strict principles, are
+subject to run away when summoned by the voice of pleasure and of error:
+and before he set off for the archery ground, he told me he sincerely
+repented his promise to my mother.
+
+I did not reply, but shook my head mournfully.
+
+"Psha!" said he, "that ever a fine woman like you, Helen, should wish to
+appear in her husband's eyes little better than a constant _memento
+mori_! Helen, an arrow cannot fly as far in a wet as in a dry air; and a
+laughing eye hits where a tearful one fails. You see I already steal my
+metaphors from my new study. But, good bye, sweet Helen! and when I
+return let me find you a little less dismal."
+
+This was not the way to make me so; nor were his daily visits at this
+seducing house, which began in the morning, and lasted till he came home
+to dress for dinner; he then returned thither to stay till evening. At
+last he chose to dress there, and he did not return till night; nor,
+perhaps, would he have done that, had there not been some house-breaking
+in our neighbourhood, and he was afraid of leaving the house so
+ill-defended. I think that pique and resentment had some share in making
+him thus increase in the length as well as constancy of his visits; for
+I saw but too clearly that he continued offended with my poor mother:
+and I doubted not but that he had owned she was the cause of my refusal
+to visit at the house, and that Lady Martindale had added full force to
+this bitter feeling.
+
+But he soon lost all resentment against my beloved parent.--Not very
+long after his painful conversation with her I was summoned to her, as
+she was too ill to rise, and had sent for medical advice.
+
+"Go for my husband instantly," cried I.
+
+"My mistress forbade me go for him," replied her faithful Juan (one of
+my father's manumised slaves), "and I canno go."
+
+"Then she does not think very ill of herself?" said I.
+
+"No, but I think very bad indeed."
+
+And when I saw her, my fears were as strongly excited.
+
+"I am going, I am going fast, my child," said she: "but I do not wish to
+have Pendarves sent for yet: I wish to have you a little while without
+any divided feelings, and all my own once more; when he comes, the wife
+will seduce away the child."
+
+"How can you think so?" said I, giving way to an agony of grief; "and
+how can you be so barbarous as to tell me you are dying?"
+
+"My poor child! I wished long ago to prepare you, but you would not be
+prepared. For your sake I still wished to live. You would have better
+spared me years ago, Helen! but this is cruel; and I will try to behave
+better."
+
+As soon as her physician arrived, and had felt her pulse, I saw by his
+countenance that he was considerably alarmed; and the first feeling of
+my heart was to send for my husband, for him on whom I had been
+accustomed to rely in the hour of affliction. But I dared not, after
+what had passed! and I tried to rally all the powers of my mind to meet
+the impending evil, while I raised my thoughts to Him who listens to the
+cry of the orphan.
+
+The physician had promised to come again in the evening. He did so; and
+then I learnt that there was indeed no hope; and I also learnt, by the
+agony of that moment, that I had in reality hoped till then; and, more
+like an automaton then aught alive, I sat by the fast exhausting
+sufferer.
+
+Pendarves returned at night, and heard with anguish uncontrollable, not
+only that my mother was dying, but had forbidden that he should be sent
+for; and he arrived at the house in a state little short of distraction,
+nor could he be kept from the chamber of death.
+
+His countenance, as he stood at the foot of the bed, told all the agony
+of his mind. They tell me so, for I saw him not; I could only see that
+object whom I was soon to behold no more!
+
+My mother knew him; read, no doubt, all his wild wan look expressed; and
+smiling kindly, held out her hand to him. He was instantly on his knees
+by her bed-side; and she seemed, from the look she gave him, to feel all
+the maternal love for him revive which she had experienced through life.
+
+Your husband, my dear friend, now came to perform his interesting duty,
+and we left her alone with him.
+
+Oh! what a night succeeded! But Pendarves felt more than I. My faculties
+were benumbed: I had made such unnatural efforts for some time past to
+appear cheerful, while my heart was breaking, that I was too much
+exhausted to be able to endure this new demand on my fortitude and my
+strength; therefore already was that merciful stupor coming over me,
+which saved, I firmly believe, both my life and my reason.
+
+My mother frequently, during that night, joined my hand in that of
+Pendarves, grasped them thus united, while her eyes were raised to
+heaven in prayer, but spoke not. At length, however, just as the last
+moment was approaching, she faltered out--"Seymour, be kind, be very
+kind to my poor child; she has only you now."
+
+He replied by clasping me to his breast; and in one moment more all was
+over!
+
+You know what followed; you know that for many weeks I was blessedly
+unconscious of every thing, and that I lay between death and life under
+the dominion of fever. My first return of consciousness and of speech
+showed itself thus:--I heard voices below, and recognised them, no
+doubt, as female voices; for I drew back the curtain, and asked my
+mother's faithful Alice whose voice I heard. But the joy my speaking
+gave the poor creature was instantly damped, for I added--"But I
+conclude it is my mother's voice, and I dare say she will be here
+presently."
+
+Alice, bursting into tears, replied--"Your blessed mother never come
+now."
+
+"Oh, but by-and-by will do:" and I closed my eyes again.
+
+Alice now ran down stairs to call my husband, and tell him what
+had passed. The voices I heard were those of Mrs. Oswald and Lady
+Martindale, who had called every day to inquire for me; and Pendarves
+had been this day prevailed upon to go down to them. But he bitterly
+repented his complaisance when he found I had heard them talking;
+though he rejoiced in my restored hearing, which had seemed quite gone.
+He hastily, therefore, dismissed his visitors, and resumed his station
+by my bed-side. I knew him, and spoke to him; but damped all his
+satisfaction by asking for my mother, and wondering where she was. He
+could not answer me, and was doubtful what he ought to reply when he
+recovered himself.
+
+At this moment the physician entered; and hearing what had passed,
+declared that the sooner he could make me understand what had happened,
+and shed tears (for I had shed none yet), the sooner I should recover,
+and he advised his beginning to do it directly.
+
+Accordingly, when I again asked for her he said--"Do you not see my
+black coat, Helen? and do you not remember our loss?"
+
+"O, yes; but I thought our mourning for the dear child was over."
+
+"You see!" said Pendarves mournfully.
+
+The physician replied--"Till her memory is restored, though her life is
+spared, a cure is far distant; but persevere."
+
+In a fortnight I was able to take air; but I still wondered where my
+mother was, though I soon forgot her again.
+
+But one day Pendarves asked me if I would go and visit the grave of my
+child, which I had not visited for some time. I thankfully complied, and
+he dragged me in a garden chair to the church door.
+
+It was not without considerable emotion that he supported me to that
+marble slab which now covered my mother as well as my child, and I
+caught some of his trembling agitation.
+
+"Look there, my poor Helen!" said he.
+
+I did look, and read the name of my child.
+
+"Look lower yet."
+
+I did so, and the words 'Julia Pendarves;' with the sad _et cetera_, met
+my view, and seemed to restore my shattered comprehension.
+
+In a moment the whole agonizing truth rushed upon my mind; and throwing
+myself on the cold stone, I called upon my departed parent, and wept
+till I was deluged in tears, and had sobbed myself into the stillness of
+exhaustion.
+
+"Thank God! thou art restored, my beloved, and all will yet, I trust, be
+well," said my husband as he bore me away.
+
+From that time my memory returned, and with it so acute a feeling of
+what I had lost, that I fear I was ungrateful enough to regret my
+imbecility.
+
+I now insisted on hearing details of all that had occurred since my
+illness; and I found that my uncle and aunt had come down to attend the
+funeral of my mother, and that Lord Charles had attended uninvited to
+pay her that tribute of respect, nor had he returned to London till my
+life was declared out of danger. How deeply I felt this attention! I
+also heard that the ladies at the Lodge pestered my husband with letters,
+to prevail on him to spare his sensibility the pain of following my lost
+parent to the grave: but that, however he shrunk from the task, he had
+treated their request with the utmost disregard, saying, that if he had
+no other motive, the certainty that he was doing what _I_ should have
+wished, was sufficient.
+
+When I was quite restored to strength, both of mind and body, Pendarves
+gave me the key of my mother's papers, which he had carefully sealed up.
+My mother left no will, as she wished me to inherit every thing; but in
+a little paper directed to Pendarves she desired that an income might
+be settled on Juan and Alice, which would make them comfortable and
+independent for life; that her friends the De Waldens might have some
+memorial of her given to them; and that Lord Charles might have her
+travelling writing-desk.
+
+Oh! what overwhelming feelings I endured while looking over her papers,
+containing a sketch of her life, her reflections and prayers when I
+married Pendarves, a character of Lady Helen, of her husband and of my
+father, and many fragments, all indicative of a mother's love and a
+mother's anxiety! But tender sorrow was suspended by curiosity, when I
+found one letter from Ferdinand de Walden! It was evidently written in
+answer to one from her, in which she had described me as suffering
+deeply, but, on principle, trying to appear cheerful, and for her sake
+dutifully trying to conceal from her the agony of my heart. What else
+she had said, was very evident from the part of the letter which I
+transcribe, translating it from the French.
+
+    "Yes! you only, I believe, do me justice. I should have been a
+    more devoted husband than Pendarves; having my affections built, I
+    trust, on a firmer foundation than his, viz. a purifying faith,
+    and its result, pure habits. Still, I know not how to excuse his
+    conduct towards such an angel! for oh! that faded cheek, and that
+    shrunk form, that dejection of spirits from a mother's sorrows
+    which seem to have alienated him, would have endeared her to me
+    still more fondly--"
+
+I had resolution enough, my dear friend, to pause here, and read no
+more: nay, distrusting my own strength, I had the courage to commit the
+dangerous letter to the flames, and that was indeed an exertion of duty.
+
+I shall pass lightly and rapidly over the next few months.--My husband
+gradually resumed his intercourse at the Lodge; while I, to conceal as
+much as possible his neglect, paid and received visits; and Mrs. Ridley
+and my aunt were by turns my guests, for I had now lost my dread of the
+latter. She had nothing to tell but what I knew already, except that she
+believed my husband more criminal than I did or could think him, and
+that I positively forbade her ever to name him to me again. I also
+visited you, and did all I could to fly from that feeling of conscious
+desolation which was ever present to me since I lost my mother. In all
+other afflictions I had her to rely upon; I had her to sooth and to
+comfort me: but who had I to console me for the loss of her? on whose
+never-to-be-abated tenderness could I rely? Other ties, if destroyed,
+may be formed again; but we can have parents only once; and I had lost
+my mother, my sole surviving parent, at a moment when I wanted her most.
+Still, I roused myself from my lethargy of grief, and 'sorrowed' not
+like 'one without hope.' But the misery of disappointed and wounded
+affections preyed on me while tenderer woes slumbered, and my health
+continued to fade, my youth to decay.
+
+My kind aunt and Mrs. Ridley were both just come on a visit to me, when
+Pendarves signified his intention of accompanying his friends on a tour
+to the Lakes. He said his health had suffered much from his anxiety
+during my illness, and he thought the journey would do him good.
+
+"Then take your wife a journey," cried my aunt bluntly: "she wants it
+more than you do."
+
+"She will not accompany my friends," replied he; "and my word is pledged
+to go with them."
+
+"Is a pledge given to friends more sacred than duty to a wife, Mr.
+Seymour Pendarves?"
+
+"Is it a husband's duty never to stir without his wife, madam?"
+
+"My dear aunt, you forget," said I, "how unfit I am to travel: quiet and
+home suit me best."
+
+"It is well they do," said my aunt; and Seymour left the room.
+
+I will pass over the time that intervened before Seymour's departure:
+suffice that I tried to attribute his still frequent absences from home
+to his dislike of his aunt's society; and in the meanwhile I masked an
+aching heart in smiles, that no one might have the authority of my
+dejected spirits to found an accusation of my husband upon.
+
+At length the day of Seymour's departure arrived, and we had an
+affectionate and on my side a tearful parting: but I recovered myself
+soon; and though I deeply felt the unkindness of his leaving me after
+my recent affliction, I declared it the wisest thing he could do, and
+that I hoped he would find me fat and cheerful at his return. But I saw
+I did not convert my auditors; and that Lord Charles Belmour, who called
+to inquire after my health, absolutely started when he found that
+Seymour was gone away on a journey. I could not bear this, but left the
+room; for I could not, would not, either by word or look, blame my
+husband; and I could not bear to observe that he was blamed by others.
+
+At the end of three weeks my uncle came down to fetch his wife; and I
+heard, with a satisfaction which I could not conceal, that my uncle
+hoped he should be able to prove that Lady Martindale, as she was
+called, was a spy of the Convention, and that he could get her sent
+out of the country on the Alien Bill; for that she was undoubtedly the
+mistress, not the wife, of Lord Martindale. I also learnt that Lord
+Charles had been indefatigable in using his exertions and his interest
+to effect this purpose, in hopes, as my aunt said, of opening my
+husband's eyes; and she thought, when he saw that his uncle and his
+friend were thus active and watchful to save him from perdition, that he
+could not refuse to be convinced and saved.
+
+Alas! we none of us as yet knew Pendarves. We did not know that
+in proportion to conscious strength of mind is the capacity of
+conviction--and that no one is so jealous of interference, and so averse
+to being proved in the wrong, as those who are most prone to err and
+most conscious of weakness. My uncle and aunt went away in high spirits
+at the idea of the good which was going to accrue to me from their
+exertions, and left me much cheered in my prospects, little thinking of
+the blow which these exertions were ensuring to me.
+
+My husband wrote to me on his journey about twice a week; but as he
+rarely did so till the post was just going out, or the horses were
+waiting, I was convinced, either that he had lost all remains of
+tenderness for me, or that, conscious of acting ill, he could not
+bear to write.
+
+When he had been gone two months, I was expecting his arrival in London
+every day, and with no small anxiety; for my uncle had written me word,
+that as soon as Annette Beauvais (for that _was_ her real name) arrived
+in town, she would be seized by the officers employed by Government, and
+be shipped off directly for Altona--whither Lord Martindale, who was
+reckoned a dangerous disloyal subject, would be advised to accompany
+her.
+
+But while I was pleasing myself with the idea that Pendarves, when
+convinced of the real character of those with whom he associated so
+intimately, would return to me thankful for the discovery, and that
+in the detected courtesan and spy he would forget the fascinating
+companion, a very different end was preparing for the well-intentioned
+plans of our friend and relation.
+
+Pendarves, not choosing to fail in respect to his uncle, and resolved
+to consider himself as on good terms with him, called at his house
+in Stratford Place; but unfortunately found only Mrs. Pendarves. The
+consequence you may easily foresee. She reproached him with his cruel
+neglect of his wife, and then triumphed in the approaching discomfiture
+of that wicked woman who had lured him from her; informing him with
+great exultation, that his uncle had procured her arrestation; that she
+would be taken up directly, and sent abroad; and that his angel-wife was
+expecting his return to her with eager and affectionate love.
+
+"And was my wife privy to this injustice and this outrage?" asked
+Pendarves, with a faltering voice and a flashing eye.
+
+"To be sure she was."
+
+"Then she may expect me, madam, but I will never return!" Having said
+this, he rushed from the house, and hurried back to the lodgings. He
+found Lady Martindale, as she still persisted in calling herself, in
+fits, and Lord Martindale threatening, but in vain. The warrant was
+executed, and the lady forced to set off, her lord having a hint given
+him, which made his retreat advisable also.
+
+"You shall not go _alone_, my friends," said Pendarves, as soon as he
+saw that their banishment was certain; "and as my family have presumed
+to procure your exile, they shall find that they have exiled me too."
+
+So saying, he left the house, gained a passport as an American, which
+you know he was, as well as myself, by birth, and soon overtaking them,
+he travelled with them, and embarked with them for Altona.
+
+He wrote to me from the port whence they embarked, and such a letter! I
+thought I should never have held up my head after it. He reproached me
+for joining the mean cabal against an injured and innocent woman, and
+declared that as I and his uncle had caused her exile, he felt it his
+duty to sooth and to share it.
+
+In a postscript he told me he had drawn for all the money that was in
+his banker's hands, before he set out on his journey: that he wished me
+to let our house, and remove into my mother's, which was still empty;
+that he trusted I would not let him want in a foreign land; for in some
+respects he knew I could be generous; but that he feared the income of
+his fortune must be appropriated to the payment of his debts, which were
+so many, he feared he could not return, even if he wished it, except at
+the danger of losing his personal liberty. He trusted therefore that I
+would join my uncle in settling his affairs; and if he wanted money to
+support him, he knew I would spare him some out of the fortune which
+came to me on the death of my mother, the income of which I, and I
+alone, could receive.
+
+In the midst of the wretchedness inflicted by this letter--for it was
+my nature to cling to hope, I eagerly caught at the high idea of my
+conjugal virtues which this cruel letter implied; and I trusted that,
+when intimate association had completely unmasked this Syren and her
+paramour, he would prize me the more from contrast, and hasten home to
+receive my eagerly-bestowed forgiveness. But the order to let the house
+was so indicative of a separation meant to be long, if not eternal, that
+again and again I went from hope to despair. But there was one sorrow
+converted into rejoicing. Till now I had grieved that my mother was
+no more: but now I rejoiced to think that this last terrible blow was
+spared her; that she did not live to witness the grief of her worse than
+widowed daughter, nor to see the degradation of the beloved son of her
+idolized Lady Helen. Degradation did I say? Yes: but I still persisted
+to excuse my husband, and would not own even to myself that he was
+without excuse for his conduct. I thought it was generous in him not to
+forsake his friends in their distress, nor would I allow any one to hint
+at the probability that his female companion was his mistress.
+
+I also resolved to justify his reliance on my exertions and my
+generosity. I wrote to my uncle, I made myself acquainted with all his
+embarrassments, I dismissed every servant but Alice and Juan, and I set
+apart two-thirds of my income also for payment of the debts.
+
+My uncle would fain have interfered, and advanced me the money; but I
+had a pride in making sacrifices for my husband's sake, and I wished Mr.
+Pendarves to leave him money in his will, as a resource for him when he
+should return to England, and I should be no more; for I fancied that I
+was far gone in a rapid decline. But I mistook nervous symptoms, the
+result of a distressed mind, for consumptive ones; and to my great
+surprise, when I had arranged my husband's affairs, and had, while so
+employed, been forced to visit London once or twice, and associate with
+the friends who loved and honoured me, my pain of the side decreased,
+my pulse became slower, my appetite returned, and I recovered something
+of my former appearance. But it was now the end of the winter of 1793,
+and the reign of terror had long been begun in France, while we heard
+from every quarter that the English there were in the utmost danger, on
+account of the unpopularity of the English Government; that all were
+leaving France who could get away; and Pendarves was gone to Paris! But
+then he was an American. Still, I could not divest myself of fears for
+his life; and the horrible idea of his pining in a foreign land, in a
+prison and in poverty, (for, though he had written to say he was arrived
+in Paris, he had not drawn for money, nor given his address,) haunted me
+continually. To be brief: you know how the idea of my husband's danger
+took entire possession of my imagination, till I conceived it to be my
+duty to set off for Paris.
+
+You remember, that you and your husband both dissuaded me from the rash
+and hazardous undertaking; and that I replied, "I have now but one
+object of interest in the world, the husband of my love! True, a
+romantic generosity, and what he calls just resentment, have led him
+for the present to forsake his country and me; but that is no reason
+why I should forsake him; and who knows but that the result of my
+self-devotion may restore him to me more attached than ever?" You know
+that you listened, admired, and almost encouraged me; and that you have
+always considered this determination, as the crown of my conjugal glory,
+and held it up as a bright example of a wife's duty. But, my dear friend,
+my own sobered judgement and the lessons of experience, together with
+reproof from lips that never can deceive, and a judgement that can
+rarely err, have convinced me that I rather violated than performed a
+wife's duty when I set off on this romantic expedition to France.
+
+No: if ever I deserved the character of a good wife, it was from the
+passive fortitude and the patient spirit with which I bore up against
+neglect, wounded affections, and slighted tenderness. It was the sense
+of duty which led me to throw a veil over my husband's faults, which
+held him up when his own errors had cast him down, and which led me
+still, in strict compliance with my marriage vows, to obey and honour
+him by all a wife's attentions, even when I feared that he deserved not
+my esteem.
+
+But to go on with my narrative. My uncle and aunt came down to reason me
+out of my folly, as they called it; and my uncle thought he held a very
+persuasive argument, for he told me he felt it indelicate for me to
+intrude myself and my fondness on a husband who had showed he did not
+value it, and had chosen to escape from me.
+
+"But I do not _mean_ to intrude upon him," I replied; "I mean to be
+concealed in Paris, and with Alice and Juan to attend me; I fear nothing
+for myself, nor need you fear for me."
+
+"What!" cried my aunt, "be in Paris, and not let the vile man know you
+are there? _I_ should discover myself, if it were only for the sake of
+reproaching him; for I should treat him very differently, I assure you.
+_I_ should show him
+
+ 'Earth has a rage with love to hatred turned,
+  And love has fury by a woman spurned.'"
+
+"But you are not Helen, my dear," said my uncle, meekly sighing as he
+always did over her misquotations; and still he argued, and I resisted,
+when I obtained an unexpected assistant in our kind physician.
+
+"My dear sir," said he, "if your niece remains here in compliance with
+your wishes, I well know that her mind and her feelings will prey upon
+her life, and ultimately destroy it, if they do not unsettle her reason.
+But if she is allowed to be active and to indulge at whatever risk her
+devoted affection to her husband, depend on it she will be well and
+comparatively happy: nor do I see that she runs any great risk. She is
+an American; her two servants are the same, and are most devotedly
+attached to her: and I give my opinion, both as a physician and a
+friend, that she had better go."
+
+Oh, how I loved the good old man for what he said! and my uncle and aunt
+were now contented to yield the point; but my uncle insisted on
+defraying all my expenses.
+
+"They will be trifling," said I; "for I shall not choose to travel as a
+lady, but to dress as plainly, travel as cheaply, and attract as little
+attention as I can."
+
+This he approved; but, in case I should want money to purchase services
+either for myself or my husband, he insisted on my sewing into my stays
+ten bank notes of a hundred pounds each, and I accepted them in case of
+emergencies, as I thought I had no right to refuse what might be of
+service to my husband.
+
+"Would I were not an old man!" said my uncle; "then you should not go
+alone, Helen." But I convinced him that any English friend would only be
+a detriment to me.
+
+Lord Charles Belmour, on hearing of my design, left London, and the
+career of dissipation in which he was ever engaged, to argue with me,
+to expostulate with me, to entreat that I would not go, and risk my
+precious life, which no man living was worthy to have sacrificed for
+him, and then burst into tears of genuine feeling when he bade me adieu,
+wishing that "Heaven had made him such a woman;" and, while envying the
+husband of a virtuous wife, went back to a new mistress, and renewed his
+course of error.
+
+At length the day of my departure arrived; and plainly attired, I set
+off for the port of Great Yarmouth, attended by my two faithful
+servants.
+
+Juan and Alice were both slaves on part of our American property; but
+they were born on the estate of a French proprietor, therefore French
+was their native tongue, which was a fortunate circumstance. As soon as
+my father was their master he made them free, and they became man and
+wife. They had lived with my mother ever since. She, as I before said,
+had desired they should be made independent for life. It is no wonder,
+therefore, the faithful creatures were devoted to the daughter of their
+benefactress, and I had the most cheering confidence in the tried
+sagacity as well as integrity of both. Their colour, you know, was what
+is called mulatto, and their appearance was less distinguished by
+ugliness than is usually the case with such persons.
+
+I thought it necessary to give this little history of two beings whom I
+learnt to love even in childhood, and who in the season of my affliction
+added to that love the feeling of interminable gratitude.
+
+Well, behold us landed at Altona, and designated in our passports as
+Mrs. Helen Pendarves, and Juan and Alice Duval, Americans. After a
+tedious journey in the carts of the country, and sometimes in its
+horrible waggons, behold me also arrived in the metropolis of blood,
+passports examined and approved, and all my greatest difficulties at an
+end. So relieved was my mind, when every thing was arranged and I had
+hitherto gotten on so well, that my affectionate companions observed
+with delighted wonder, that my cheek glowed and my eyes sparkled once
+more: but cautious Juan advised me to hide my face as much as possible,
+for there were no such faces in Paris, he believed.
+
+When however I found myself in Paris, when I knew that the being I
+loved best was there, and yet I dared not seek him, sorrow destroyed my
+recovered bloom again, and tears dimmed my eyes. Yet still I felt a
+strange overpowering satisfaction in knowing that I was near him; and
+when we had found out his abode, I thought that I could perhaps contrive
+to see him, myself unseen. But I found a letter addressed to me _poste
+restante_, which not only dimmed the brightness of my prospects, but
+damped much of my enthusiastic ardour in the task which I had
+undertaken, and even abated some of my tenderness for Pendarves: for I
+could no longer shut my eyes to the nature of his attachment to Annette
+Beauvais.
+
+My uncle told me in his letter that Lord Martindale was returned to
+London, but could not stay there, and was on his way to America; that he
+had met him in a shop, that on hearing his name, Lord Martindale had the
+effrontery to introduce himself and thanked him for having enabled him
+so easily to get rid of a mistress of whom he was tired.
+
+"Indeed," said he, "I am much obliged to the family of Pendarves; for
+the uncle forces my mistress to go back to her native place, and the
+nephew takes her off my hands, and under his own protection.
+
+"And I have the honour to assure you, sir," said he, "that if you visit
+Paris, and the Rue Rivoli, _numero_ 22, you will there find your nephew
+romantically happy with a most fascinating _chere amie_ who had once the
+honour of bearing my name."
+
+"I turned from him," adds my uncle, "with disgust, as you, I hope, will
+turn from your unworthy husband, and come back, my dearest niece, to
+your affectionate and anxious uncle."
+
+For one moment I felt inclined to obey his wishes--my husband really
+living with an abandoned woman, as her avowed protector! wife, country,
+reputation, sacrificed for her sake!
+
+Horrible and disgusting it was indeed! but I soon recollected, that if
+it was really a duty in me to come to Paris for his sake at all, it was
+equally a duty now, for his criminality could not destroy his claims on
+my duty; nor could his breach of duty excuse the neglect of mine. In
+short, whether love or conscience influenced me, I know not, but I
+resolved to stay where I was. And so he was in the Rue Rivoli! I was
+glad to know where he was, but I did not as before wish to see him, and
+even to gaze on him unseen. No: I felt him degraded, and I thought that
+I should now turn away if I met him.
+
+We took a pleasant and retired lodging on the Italian Boulevards; but
+I soon found that in this situation we were not likely to learn any
+tidings of Pendarves; and by the time we had been ten days at Paris,
+Juan and I resolved, having first felt our way, to put a plan which we
+had formed into execution.
+
+It was absolutely necessary that we should have opportunities of knowing
+what was going forward in public affairs, in order to learn the degree
+of safety or of danger in which Pendarves was; and if Madame Beauvais
+had really been a spy in London for the Convention, she must be
+connected with the governing persons in Paris.
+
+Accordingly, we hired a small house which had stood empty some time in a
+street through which most of the members of the National Convention were
+likely to pass in their way to and fro. The street door opened into a
+front parlour, and that into a second parlour: of this with a kitchen
+and two chambers consisted the whole of the house. Humble as it was, I
+assure you it was on the plan of one which Robespierre occupied in the
+zenith of his power.
+
+The windows of the front parlour Juan converted into a sort of shop
+window; and as he and his wife were both good bakers, they filled it
+with a variety of cakes, which they called _gateaux republicains_; and
+it was not long before, to our great joy, they obtained an excellent
+sale for their commodity. This emboldened us to launch out still more;
+and in hopes that our shop might become a sort of resting and lounging
+place to the men in power as they passed, Juan put a coat of paint on
+the outside of the house, converted the parlour into a complete shop,
+and at length put a notice over the door in large tricolour letters,
+importing that at such hours every day plum and plain pudding _a
+l'Americaine_ was to be had _hot_, as well as _gateaux republicains_.
+
+If this _affiche_ succeeded, there was a chance of Juan's hearing
+something relative to the objects of our anxiety from the members of the
+Convention, while I myself, hidden behind the glass door of the back
+parlour, might also overhear some to me important conversation. At any
+rate, it was worth the trial; and experience proved that the scheme was
+not as visionary as it at first appeared.
+
+It was not without considerable emotion that I saw our shop opened,
+and business prospering. Never, surely, was there a more curious and
+singular situation than mine. Think of me, the daughter of an American
+Loyalist, living an unprotected woman in the metropolis of republican
+France, and helping to make puddings and cakes for the members of the
+National Convention!
+
+Though I have never paused in my narrative to mention politics, still
+you cannot suppose that I was ignorant of what was passing on the great
+theatre of the Continent, nor that the names of the chief actors in it
+were unknown to me. On the contrary, I often beguiled my lonely hours
+with reading the accounts of the proceedings at Paris; had mourned not
+only over the fate of the royal family, but had deplored the death of
+those highly gifted men, and that great though mistaken woman (Madame
+Roland) in whom I fancied that I perceived some of the republican virtue
+to which others only pretended; and though far from being a Republican
+myself, I could not but respect those who, having adopted a principle
+however erroneous, acted upon it consistently. But with Brissot and his
+party ended all my interest in the public men of France, though their
+names were familiar to me, and aversion and dread were the only feelings
+which they excited.
+
+Therefore, when on the 1st of February, 1794, we opened a shop for
+puddings and cakes, and I through the curtain of a glass-door saw it
+thronged with customers, some of whom I concluded were regicides and
+murderers, my heart died within me. I felt as if I stood in the den of
+wild beasts, and I wished myself again in safe and happy England.
+
+Juan was frequently asked a number of questions by his customers; such
+as who he was, and whence he came, and how long he had been there; and
+his answer was, that he was born in America, and born a slave, and so
+was his little wife, but a good master made him free.
+
+"Bravo! and _Vive la liberte!_ and you are like us; we were slaves, now
+we are free," always shouted the deluded people to whom he thus talked.
+
+Juan used to go on to say that he had heard his master was in France,
+and poor, and so they left America and came to work for him (applauses
+again); but that he found he was dead. "And so," said he, "as I liked
+Paris, we resolved to stay here, and make nice things for the
+republicans in Europe."
+
+This tale had its effect; Juan was hailed as _bon citoyen_ Duval, and
+promised custom and protection.
+
+"Oh! dear Miss Helen," cried Juan, (as he usually called me) "what
+bloody dogs some of them look! No doubt some of them were members of
+parliament. _They_ govern a nation indeed, who were such fools as to be
+so easily taken in by my story! Psha! I should make a better parliament
+man myself."
+
+At length, we saw some of the distinguished men.
+
+Juan heard one of the party call two of the others Hebert and Danton;
+and he made an excuse to come in and tell me which was which. I looked
+at them, and was mortified to find that Danton was so pleasant-looking.
+
+When they went away, which they did not do till they had eaten largely,
+and commended what they ate, a wild, singularly-looking man entered the
+shop, in all the dirty and negligent attire of a _sans culotte_, and
+desired a plum pudding _a l'Americaine_ to be set before him; declaring
+that had it been _a l'Anglaise_ he could not have eaten it, as it would
+have tasted of the slavery of that wretched grovelling country England.
+When the pudding was served, he talked more than he ate, and made minute
+inquiries into the history of Alice and Juan; but when he heard who and
+what they were, he ran to them, and insisted on giving each the
+fraternal embrace--"for I," said he, "am Anacharsis Cloots! the orator
+of the human race; and dear to my heart is the injured being who was
+born in servitude. Blessed be the memory of the master who broke your
+chains!"
+
+He then resumed his questions, and, to my great alarm, desired to know
+if they lived alone in the house. Juan, off his guard, replied,
+
+"No; we have a lodger."
+
+"Indeed! let me see him."
+
+"Him! 'tis a woman."
+
+"Better and better still! Let me see her then. Is she young and
+handsome?"
+
+"Helas! la pauvre femme! elle ne voit personne, elle est malade a la
+mort."[7]
+
+"Eh bien, que je la voye! Je la guerirai moi."[8]
+
+"Tu! citoyen? Oh non! elle ne se guerira jamais."[9]
+
+"Mais oui, te dis-je. Ou est-elle? Je veux absolument faire sa
+connaissance."[10]
+
+"C'est impossible. Elle est au lit."[11]
+
+"Quest-ce que cela fait?"[12]
+
+"Comment, les femmes chez nous ne recoivent jamais les visites quand
+elles sont au lit."[13]
+
+"Mais, quelle betise! au moins dis moi son nom, qui elle est, et tout
+cela."[14]
+
+  [Footnote 7: Alas! poor woman! she is sick to death.]
+
+  [Footnote 8: Well, let me see her: I will cure her.]
+
+  [Footnote 9: You! citizen? Oh no! she will never be cured.]
+
+  [Footnote 10: Yes, I tell you. Where is she? I will absolutely make her
+  acquaintance.]
+
+  [Footnote 11: Impossible. She is in bed.]
+
+  [Footnote 12: What does that signify?]
+
+  [Footnote 13: Our ladies never receive visits in bed.]
+
+  [Footnote 14: What nonsense! But tell me her name and all that.]
+
+And Juan told him that I was the relation of his benefactor; that I was
+in reduced circumstances, having had a bad husband; and that he and his
+wife had taken me to live with them, and never would desert me.
+
+"_O les braves gens!_" exclaimed he.--But what an agony I endured all
+this time! Afraid that this mad-headed enthusiast would really insist on
+paying me a visit, I ran up stairs, put on my green spectacles which Juan
+insisted on my buying (for he really thought me a perfect beauty, and
+that all who looked must love); then tied up my face in a handkerchief,
+pulled over it a slouch cap, and lay down on the bed, drawing the
+curtains round. But Alice came up to tell me the strange man was gone.
+He declared, however, that the next time he came he would see _la pauvre
+malade_.
+
+But fortunately we never saw him again, except when he stopped in
+company with others, and was too much taken up in laying down the law
+for the benefit of the human race, to remember an individual.
+
+You will not be surprised when I tell you, that slight as was my
+knowledge of the persons of Hebert and Anacharsis Cloots, and little as
+I had heard of their voices, still the circumstance of having seen their
+faces and heard them speak made all the difference between rejoicing at
+their deserved fate and regretting it. They were guillotined during the
+course of the next month; and I shuddered when I heard they were no
+more, catching myself saying, "Poor men!" very frequently during the
+rest of the day.
+
+I could give you some interesting details of many events that now
+happened in affecting succession; but they have been painted by abler
+hands than mine: I shall only say further concerning our shop-visitors,
+that more than once the great Dictator himself took shelter there from a
+shower of rain, and ate a _gateau republicain_. When he first came,
+Juan, who had seen him often before, sent Alice to tell me who he was;
+and I cannot describe the sensation of horror with which he inspired me;
+for nature there had made the outside equally ugly with the inside. He
+asked many questions of Juan relative to who he was, and whence and why
+he came; and I saw his quick and restless eye looking suspiciously
+round, as if he feared an unseen dagger on every side: and so watchful
+and observant was his glance, that I retreated from the curtain lest he
+should see me. I was also terrified to perceive that my poor Juan was
+not so much at his ease with _him_, and did not tell his story with so
+steady a voice as usual. But perhaps like Louis the XIVth, Robespierre
+was flattered with the consciousness of inspiring awe. Juan was,
+however, a little relieved by the entrance of Danton, who spoke to him
+as an old acquaintance; on which Robespierre turned to Danton and said,
+"Then _you know_ these people?"
+
+"Yes; and their puddings too. Do I not, citizen?" he good naturedly
+replied; and soon after, Robespierre and he departed together.
+
+Certain it is that I breathed more freely after they were gone.
+
+Not long after this, Danton and Camille des Moulins came together; and
+though they spoke very low, Juan heard them talk of _la Citoyenne
+Beauvais_, and then they talked of _son bel Americain Anglois_,[15] (so
+it was clear they knew who my husband really was,) and they whispered
+and laughed. We then heard the name of Colonel Newton, an Englishman by
+birth, who had served in foreign armies all his life, and had the
+melancholy distinction of being the only British subject who was put to
+death by the guillotine. But Juan heard him mentioned by these men, and
+soon after we knew he was arrested; for Juan was in the habit of
+frequenting the Palais Royal and its gardens in the evening, and other
+places of public resort, and there he was sure to hear the news of the
+day. At first, he only heard that an Englishman was arrested; and his
+emotion was such, that if any one had looked at him it must have been
+perceived; but no one noticed him, and presently some one named Colonel
+Newton as the conspirator who had been denounced and imprisoned.
+
+  [Footnote 15: Her handsome American Englishman.]
+
+Was Pendarves acquainted with this unfortunate man? We could not tell;
+but certain it was, that the awful lips which mentioned the one had
+named the other.
+
+In another month Danton and Camille des Moulins were no more! and fell
+with many others who were obnoxious to the tyrant; and again I wished
+that I had not seen or heard them.
+
+As I never went out till it was quite dark, the great seclusion in which
+I lived injured my health. Since the death of Hebert, indeed, I was not
+so cautious, as I could wear a hat; but while he lived, he had decreed
+that every head-dress was _aristocrat_, except the peasants' cap.
+
+Juan went therefore to find a lodging for me for a week or two near or
+in the Champs Elysees, and in so retired a spot, that with my green
+spectacles, and otherwise a little disguised, my guardian declared he
+allowed me to walk even in a morning.
+
+Alice accompanied me, and Juan promised to come and tell us every
+evening what was going forward. During my abode in this pretty place
+Juan arrived one evening a good deal agitated, and I found that he had
+seen Pendarves.
+
+"Did he see you?"
+
+"Oh! no: he saw no one but--"
+
+"His companion, I suppose?--Was Madame Beauvais with him?"
+
+"She was, and her little dog; and the beast would not come at her call;
+and then she was uneasy, and so he took up the nasty animal and carried
+it in his arm. I could have wrung its neck."
+
+"It is a nice clean animal," replied I, trying to speak cheerfully. "But
+how did he look, Juan?"
+
+"Well, madam--_too_ well!" said the faithful creature, turning away in
+agony to think he could look well under his circumstances.
+
+"You see he is not yet arrested," said I; "and for that I am thankful."
+
+One night, the night before we were to return to our house, Juan
+disappointed us and did not come at all. You, who have always lived in
+dear and quiet Britain, cannot form to yourself an idea of the agitation
+into which this little circumstance threw us. We could not fancy he was
+ill: that was too common-place and too natural a circumstance to occur
+to the heated imaginations of women accustomed as we were to tales
+of terror and blood; and we thought no less than that he had been
+suspected, denounced, arrested, and would be _juge a mort_. What a night
+of misery was ours! Early in the morning, however, Alice set off for
+Paris, conjuring me on her knees not to come with her, as Juan thought
+it unsafe for me to walk in the street unprotected; and promising to
+come back directly if any thing alarming had happened. I therefore
+allowed her to depart without me; but though her not returning was
+a proof that all was right, according to our agreement, I was half
+distracted when hour succeeded to hour and she did not return; till, at
+last, unable to bear my suspense any longer, I set off for Paris, and
+reached the Place de la Revolution (as it was then called) just as an
+immense crowd was thronging from all parts and around me, to a spot
+already filled with an incalculable number of persons. In one instant I
+recollected that what I beheld in the midst must be the guillotine, and
+I tried to turn back, but it was impossible. I was hurried forward with
+the exulting multitude; and just as the horrible snap of the murderous
+engine met my now tingling ears, I heard from the shouts of the mob,
+that the victim was the Princess Elizabeth!!!--Self-preservation
+instinctively prompted me to catch hold of the person next me to save
+myself from falling, which would have been instant death; and the aid I
+sought was yielded to me: and while a noise of thunder was in my ears,
+and my eyes were utterly blinded with horror and agonizing emotion, a
+kind but unknown voice said in French, "Poor child! I see you are indeed
+a stranger here. We natives are used to these sights now;" and he
+sighed, as if use had not however entirely blunted his feelings.
+
+"But why did you come to see such a sight?"
+
+"Oh! I knew nothing of it, and was going home."
+
+"Poor thing! Well; but shall I see you home--if you can walk?"
+
+I now looked up, and saw that my kind friend was only a lowly citizen,
+and wore a Jacobin cap; and I was still shrinking from allowing of his
+further attendance, though I trembled in every limb, and felt sick
+unto death: when, as the crowd dispersed, I saw Juan and Alice coming
+towards me; in another moment I was in her arms, where I nearly fainted
+away.
+
+"This is unfortunate," said the _citoyen_; "her illness may be observed
+upon, as it was a Bourbon who died, and she may be fancied no friend to
+the republic. What is best to be done?"
+
+While he said this I recovered, and begged to go home directly; but I
+could not walk without the aid of my Jacobin friend; who insisted on
+seeing me safe home, and we thought it the best way to consent.
+
+On our way, the _citoyen_ exclaimed, "_O mon Dieu! le voila
+lui-meme!_"[16] and we saw the dreaded Robespierre hastily approaching
+us. He desired to know what was the matter with that woman; and neither
+Juan nor Alice had recollection enough to reply; but our friend did
+instantly, taking off his cap as he spoke: "The poor woman, _citoyen_,
+was nearly crushed in the crowd, and but for me would have been trodden
+to death. Only see how she trembles still! She has not been able to
+speak a word yet."
+
+  [Footnote 16: Oh! there he is himself.]
+
+"Oh! that is the case, is it?" said he, surveying me with a most
+scrutinizing glance. "It is well for her I find her in such good
+company, Benoit."
+
+He then departed, and we recovered our recollection.
+
+He was no sooner gone, than, to my great surprise, I saw Juan seize our
+companion's hand, while he exclaimed, "You! are you Benoit?"
+
+"To be sure; what then?"
+
+"Why then, you God for ever bless that's all! For many poor wretch
+bless you; and now, but for you, what might have become of her?"
+
+"How!" cried Alice; "is this the kind jailor of Luxembourg? Oh dear! how
+glad I am to see you?"
+
+It was indeed Benoit; who, at a period when to be cruel seemed the only
+means to be safe, lightened the fetters which he could not remove, and
+soothed to the best of his power the horrors of a prison and of death.
+
+A feeling which he could not help, but certainly not one of joyful
+anticipation, led him to witness the death of the royal victim; and my
+evident horror instantly interested and attached him to my side. This
+good man attended us home, and we had great pleasure in setting before
+him our little stores: but he could not eat then, he said; and as he
+spoke, he sighed deeply. However, he assured us he would come and eat
+with us some other day: then desiring us to take heed and not go to see
+sights again, he ran off, saying he had been absent too long.
+
+What a mercy it was that Benoit was with us when we met the tyrant! We
+also rejoiced that he did not see or did not recognise Juan and Alice:
+but after this unfortunate rencontre we did not feel ourselves as safe
+as we did before, and dreaded every day to see him enter the shop.
+
+I now desired to know the reason of Juan's not coming to us, and I found
+that his too great care had exposed me to even a far worse agony than
+that from which he wished to preserve me. The truth was, he heard that
+poor Madame Elizabeth was to be executed the next day: fearing,
+therefore, that he should be betrayed into saying so, and wishing me
+not to know of it till all was over, as he knew how interested I was in
+her fate, he resolved to stay away, not supposing we should be alarmed;
+and he and Alice could not return to me sooner, as the way led over the
+very spot which they wished to avoid. Besides, Alice had told me her not
+returning was a good sign. Well! this agony was past; but I had seen and
+met the suspicious eye of the tyrant, and it haunted me wherever I went.
+For my own life, indeed, I had no fear; and imprisonment, I thought, was
+all I had to dread, though poor Juan insisted on it that the wretch
+saw, spite of my dowdy appearance, that I was a handsome woman; and
+he thanked Heaven at the close of every day, that no Robespierre had
+visited us. Another evening Juan returned in much agitation from
+his walk, but I saw it was of an opposite nature to that which he
+experienced at sight of Pendarves; and on inquiry I found that he had,
+as he said, met that good young man, Count De Walden.
+
+"Indeed!" exclaimed I; "and did he see you? and does he know I am in
+Paris?"
+
+"No, he did not see me; and without your leave, I dared not tell you
+were here: so I thought it best not to speak to him."
+
+I felt excessively disappointed; but after some moments of reflection I
+recollected that it would be cruel and selfish to force myself, in a
+situation so interesting and so anxious, on one who on principle had so
+recently left the place in which I was; and I told Juan he had done
+quite right.
+
+"However," said I, "it is a comfort to me to know that I have a
+protector near."
+
+"Aye; but not for long!"
+
+"No! But what could bring a man like him to this den of wickedness and
+horrors? Some good purpose no doubt."
+
+"I suspect so; for I saw him in close conversation with Barrere and
+others, and I overheard him say, 'But can you give me no hope? I want
+excessively to return home: still, while there is a chance of Colonel
+Newton's being saved, I will stay.' Barrere, I believe, said all hope
+was over; for the Count cast up his eyes mournfully to heaven, and
+retired."
+
+Till I heard this, I was inclined to suspect that my uncle had written
+to say I was here, and that he came on my account.
+
+I shall now relate the motive of his journey: the object of it was
+connected with the fate of my husband.
+
+A man of the name of Beauvais was executed with Danton and other
+supposed conspirators in the preceding April. This man was the father of
+Annette Beauvais; and she would have been denounced and executed with
+her father, had not one of Robespierre's tools become exceedingly
+enamoured of her, and for his sake she was spared. But Colonel Newton
+having been known to be rather intimate with Beauvais, and having also
+dared, like a free-born Englishman and a man of independent feelings, to
+reproach the tyrant with his cruelty, he was accused, imprisoned, and
+condemned to death. It was on his account that De Walden came to Paris.
+By some means or other Newton informed him of his situation; and as he
+had known him in Switzerland, and greatly esteemed him, he hastened to
+try whether by solicitation, interest, or money, he could procure his
+acquittal or escape: but he tried in vain. As vain also were the efforts
+made,--to do her justice,--by Madame Beauvais herself. The wretch to
+whom she applied was made jealous of Newton by her earnest entreaties
+for his life; and his doom was consequently rendered only more certain.
+He also tauntingly bade her take care of her own life and that of her
+American Englishman, assuring her she would not find it an easy matter
+to do that long. Nor did he threaten in vain; for, though she admitted
+his addresses and received his splendid presents, she still persisted in
+living with the infatuated Pendarves, who believed her constancy equal
+to her pretended love. The consequence was, that an accusation was
+brought against my husband for getting to Paris on false pretences, and
+as being a dangerous person: for, though he was born in America, his
+father was a loyalist, not a republican, and had fought, they found,
+against the republican arms; and his mother was that offensive thing a
+woman of quality and a nobleman's daughter. There were other charges
+equally strong; and even in the presence of his vile companion,
+Pendarves was arrested, and condemned for the present to be confined
+_au secret_ in the Luxembourg.
+
+He bore his fate with calmness; for he expected that she who had caused
+his imprisonment would be eager to share and to enliven it: but that
+was beyond the heroism of a mistress. She was not willing to prefer to
+fine apartments and liberty, love and a prison with him; but while he,
+agonized at her desertion,--for she bade him a cold and final
+farewell,--was borne away into confinement, she was led away smiling and
+in triumph by her now avowed protector.
+
+All these circumstances I did not know at first--I only knew the result;
+which was imparted to me by the trembling Juan, who had seen Pendarves
+led away, had seen her farewell, and had vainly tried to make himself
+observed by him, that he might know he had a friend at hand.
+
+"A friend!" cried I with a flushed cheek, but with a trembling frame:
+"he shall know that he has the best of friends, a wife, near him!" and
+instantly, taking no precaution to conceal my person in any way, for I
+thought not of myself, I hastened rapidly along, Juan with difficulty
+keeping pace with me, till I reached the Luxembourg.
+
+"Whom do you want?" said a churlish man on duty.
+
+"Seymour Pendarves."
+
+"You can't see him: he is _au secret_."
+
+"Oh! but I must! Do let me speak to the _Citoyen_ Benoit, and ask him to
+let me enter."
+
+"You are very earnest; and perhaps he will let you.
+
+"Who shall I say wants to be admitted to this Pendarves?"
+
+"His wife."
+
+"His wife! Well," added he respectfully, "wives should not be kept from
+their husbands when they seek them in their distress."
+
+He then went in search of Benoit, who appeared with his keys of office.
+
+"_Citoyen_," said he, "here is a wife wants to see her husband."
+
+"I fear she is an aristocrat, then," replied Benoit, smiling and
+approaching us.
+
+"Ha!" cried he, "is it you? What is become of your spectacles? And do
+you want to see your husband, poor thing? Who is he?"
+
+I told him. He shook his head, saying to himself--"Who could have
+supposed he had a wife, and such a one too!"
+
+"_Citoyenne_," said he, "you cannot see your husband to-night, nor shall
+he know you are here; but to-morrow, at nine in the morning, I will
+admit you. Yes, and for your sake I will show him all the indulgence I
+can. So it was for this, was it, you came to Paris? I thought there was
+a mystery. Good girl! good girl!"
+
+So saying, he walked hastily away, and we returned to our home, at once
+disappointed and cheered.
+
+Oh! how I longed for the light of morning! Oh! how I longed to exhibit
+the superiority of the wife over the mistress! With what pleasure I
+anticipated the joy, mixed with shame and sorrow, no doubt, but still
+triumphant over every other feeling with which Pendarves would behold
+and receive me! How he would value this proof of tenderness and duty!
+while I should fondly assure him that all was forgotten and all
+forgiven!--So did I paint the scene to which I was hastening. Such
+were the hopes which flushed my cheek and irradiated my countenance.
+
+At length the appointed hour drew near; and I had just reached the gates
+of the Luxembourg, had just desired to be shown to Benoit, when I looked
+up and beheld De Walden!
+
+"You here!" cried he, turning pale as death. "O Helen! dear rash friend!
+why are you in Paris? Speak."
+
+Here he paused, trembling with emotion. I was little less affected; but,
+making a great effort, I faltered out, "My husband is prisoner here, and
+I am going to him."
+
+De Walden clasped his hands together and was silent; but his look
+declared the agony of his mind.
+
+Benoit now came to conduct me in; and De Walden, taking Juan's arm, led
+him apart.
+
+"Have you told him I am here?" said I, turning very faint, alarmed now
+the moment was come which I had so delightedly anticipated.
+
+"No: I have told him nothing."
+
+He now put the key into a door at the bottom of a long, narrow, dark
+passage, and it turned on its heavy and grating hinges.
+
+"Some one desires to see you," said Benoit gruffly, to hide his kind
+emotion; and I stood before my long estranged husband. But where was the
+look of gladness? where the tone of welcome, though it might be mingled
+with that of less pleasant sensations? He started, turned pale, pressed
+forward to meet me; but then exclaiming in a faltering voice, "Is it
+you, Helen? Rash girl! why do I see you here?" he sunk upon his
+miserable bed, and hid his face from me. I stood, pale, motionless, and
+silent as a statue. Was this the scene which I had painted to myself?
+True, I should have been shocked, if he had approached me with extended
+arms, and as if he felt that I had nothing to forget: yet I did expect
+that his eye would lighten up with joyful surprise, and his quivering
+lip betray the tenderness which he would but dared not express. However,
+for the first time in my life, indignation and a sense of injury were
+stronger than my fond woman's feeling; and I seated myself in silence on
+the only chair in the room, with my proud heart swelling as if it would
+burst its bounds and give me ease for ever.
+
+"Helen!" said he at length in a subdued and dejected tone, "your
+presence here distracts me. This scene, this city, are no places for
+you; and oh! how unworthy am I of this exertion of love! What! must a
+wretch like me expose to danger such an exalted creature as this is?"
+
+These flattering words, though uttered from the head more than from the
+heart, were a sort of balm to my wounded feelings; but I coldly replied,
+"That in coming to Paris, in order to be on the spot if any danger
+happened to him, I had only done what I considered as the duty of a
+wife; and that now my earnest wish was to be allowed to spend part,
+if not the whole of every day with him in prison, as his friend and
+soother."
+
+"Impossible! impossible!" he exclaimed, becoming much agitated.
+
+"Why so? Benoit is disposed to be my friend."
+
+"No matter; but tell me who is with you in this nest of villains?"
+
+I told him, and he thanked God audibly. I then entreated to know
+something concerning his arrest, its cause, and what the consequences
+were likely to be.
+
+"Spare me!" cried he, "spare me! It is most painful to a man to blush
+with shame in the presence of his wife. Helen! kind, good Helen! I know
+you meant to sooth and serve me; but you have humbled me to the dust,
+and my spirit sinks before you! Go and leave me to perish. In my very
+best days I was wholly unworthy of you; but now--"
+
+He was right; and my parading kindness, my intruding virtue were
+offensive. I had humbled him: I had obliged him too much: I had towered
+over him in the superiority of my character; and instead of attaching, I
+had alienated him. This was human nature--I saw it, I owned it now, but
+I was not prepared for it, and it overwhelmed me with despair. Still, it
+softened my heart in his favour; for, if I had to forgive his errors, he
+had to forgive my officious exhibition of romantic duty. I now at his
+request told him all my plans, and every thing that had passed since I
+came, not omitting to tell him that I had seen De Walden. Nor was I
+sorry to remark, that at his name he started and changed colour.
+
+"He here! Then you are sure of a protector," said he, "and I feel
+easier. But, Helen! you are too young, too lovely to expose yourself to
+the gaze of the men in power. I protest that you are at this moment as
+beautiful as ever, Helen!"
+
+"It is from the temporary embellishment of strong emotion only," replied
+I, pleased by this compliment from him. I then turned the discourse to
+the opportunity our shop gave us of hearing conversations; and I also
+promised to bring him some of our commodities. He tried to smile, but
+could not, and I saw that my presence evidently distressed instead
+of soothing him. Benoit now came to say I must stay no longer, and
+disappeared again; while, a prey to most miserable feelings, I rose to
+depart.
+
+"I shall come again to-morrow," said I; "shall I not?"
+
+"If you insist upon it, you shall; but, you had better leave me, Helen,
+to perish, and forget me!"
+
+"Forget you! Cruel Seymour!" cried I, bursting into an agony of tears.
+
+He now approached me, and, sinking on one knee, took my hand and kissed
+it: then held it to his heart. A number of feelings now contended in my
+bosom, but affection was predominant; and as he knelt before me I threw
+my arms round his neck, mingling my tears with his, "_Mais vite donc,
+citoyenne--depeches tu!_"[17] said Benoit, just unclosing the door, and
+speaking outside it. Pendarves rose, and led me to him; and scarcely
+knowing whether pain or satisfaction predominated, I reached the gate,
+Benoit kindly assuring me I might command his services to the utmost.
+
+  [Footnote 17: Quick, make haste, female citizen!]
+
+I found De Walden still talking with Juan. They both seemed to regard
+me with very scrutinizing as well as sympathizing looks; and I still
+trembled so much that I was glad to accept the support of De Walden's
+arm. He attended me home; but we neither of us spoke during the walk.
+When I reached the door, I said, "Come to me to breakfast to-morrow;
+for to-day I am wholly unfitted for company." He sighed, bowed, and
+departed; but not without assuring me that he would enquire concerning
+the causes of my husband's arrest, and try to get him set at liberty.
+
+"Well," cried Juan, "I have one comfort more than I had; Count De Walden
+has declared that while you remain in Paris he will." And I also felt
+comforted by this assurance.
+
+I now retired to my own room, and, throwing myself on the bed, entered
+upon that severe task self-examination; and I learnt to doubt whether
+my expedition to France were as truly and singly the result of pure
+and genuine tenderness, and a sense of duty, as I had supposed it was.
+For what had I done? I had certainly shone in the eyes of many at the
+expense of my husband. I had, as he said, "humbled him in his own eyes,"
+and I had chosen to run risks for his sake, which he could not approve,
+and after all might not be the better for. In such reflections as these
+I passed that long and miserable day; aye, and in some worse still;
+for I felt that Pendarves no longer loved me--that he esteemed, he
+respected, he admired me; but that his tenderness was gone, and gone
+too, probably, for ever!
+
+I had however one pleasant idea to dwell upon. Deputies, if not an
+ambassador, were now expected from America, and De Walden had told Juan
+he should claim their protection for us.
+
+The next morning De Walden came; but his brow was clouded, his manner
+embarrassed, and the tone of his voice mournful.
+
+"Have you made the inquiries which you promised?"
+
+"I have; and they have not been answered satisfactorily. My dear friend,
+there are subjects which nothing but the emergencies of the case could
+justify me to discuss with you. Will you therefore pardon me if I say--"
+
+"Say any thing: at a moment like this it is my duty not to shrink from
+the truth. I guess what you mean."
+
+He then told me the cause of my husband's arrest, which I have already
+mentioned; adding that the ostensible causes were so trifling, that they
+could probably be easily gotten over; but that the true cause, jealousy,
+was, he feared, not likely to be removed.
+
+"But she left him," cried I, "left him as if for ever, and accompanied
+her new lover in triumph!"
+
+"Yes: but I fear that he will not get quit of her so soon."
+
+My only answer to this unwelcome truth was a deep sigh; and for some
+minutes I was unable to speak, while De Walden anxiously walked up and
+down the room.
+
+"Perhaps you would go and see Pendarves?"
+
+"No: excuse me: an interview between me and him must be painful, and
+could not be beneficial. The letter I had from him to inform me of a
+certain mournful event was cold; and though I answered it kindly,--for I
+thought of you when I wrote,--I was convinced that the less we met again
+the better."
+
+"Then what can you do?"
+
+"I know not--I could not save my friend, you know."
+
+"If money can do it, I possess the means."
+
+"And so do I; but Robespierre is inaccessible to bribes, and so I have
+found his creatures. I fear that I must seek Madame Beauvais herself."
+
+"But she probably hates you?"
+
+"True: but she does not hate Pendarves; and if I convince her that her
+only chance of liberating him is by seeming to have ceased to love him,
+the business may be done."
+
+"And must he owe his liberty, and perhaps his life, to her? But be it
+so, if he can be preserved no other way--in that case I would even be a
+suitor to her myself."
+
+"That I could not bear. But oh! dear inconsiderate friend, why did you
+come hither?"
+
+"Because I thought it my duty."
+
+"And do you still think so?"
+
+I was silent.
+
+"Answer me: candid and generous Helen: do you not now see that it
+was more your duty to stay in your own safe country, protected by
+respectable friends, than to come hither courting danger, and the worst
+of dangers to a virtuous wife? Believe me, the passive virtue of painful
+but quiet endurance of injury was the virtue for you to practise. This
+quixotic daring looked like duty; but was not duty, Helen, and could
+only end in disappointment: for tell me, have you not found that you
+have thus suffered and thus dared for an ingrate?"
+
+My silence answered the question.
+
+"Enough!" resumed De Walden; "and I feel that I have been cruel; but
+mine has been the reproof of friendship, wrung from me by the indignant
+agony of knowing that even I cannot perhaps protect you from the insults
+which I dread. Oh! why did they let you come hither? I am sure your mind
+was not itself when you thought of it."
+
+"You are right. The idea had taken hold of my imagination then
+unnaturally raised, and come I would. But my physician approved my
+coming; for he thought it safer for me, and thought, if I was not
+indulged, that my reason, if not my life, might suffer."
+
+This statement completely overset De Walden's self-command; he blamed
+himself for what he had said--accused himself of cruelty--extolled the
+patient sweetness with which I had heard him, and had condescended to
+justify myself. Then, striking his forehead, he exclaimed, "And I, alas!
+am powerless to save a being like this! But save her, THOU," he added,
+lifting his clasped hands to heaven.
+
+The hour of my appointment at the prison now arrived again, and De
+Walden accompanied me thither. I did not see Benoit; but I was admitted
+directly, and my conductor, opening the door, said, "A female citizen
+desires to see you."
+
+"Indeed!" said Pendarves in a tone of joy; but he started, and looked
+disappointed, when he saw me.
+
+"Is it you, Helen?" said he.
+
+"Did you expect it was any one else?"
+
+"Not much," he replied, evidently disconcerted; "not much. It is only a
+primitive old-fashioned wife like yourself who would follow an unworthy
+husband to a prison."
+
+"And to a scaffold, if necessary," cried I with energy.
+
+"Helen!" said Pendarves in a deep but caustic tone, "spare me! spare me!
+This excess of goodness--"
+
+I smiled; but I believe my smile was as bitter as his accents.
+
+What meetings were these between persons circumstanced as we once were
+and were now! But it could not be otherwise, and all I now suffered I
+had brought upon myself. In order to change the tone of our feelings, I
+told him De Walden had breakfasted with me, and then asked him if he
+would not like to see Juan.
+
+He said "Yes," but carelessly, and then added, "So De Walden has been
+with you?" and fell into a mournful reverie till our uncomfortable
+interview was over.
+
+I promised to send him by Juan all he wanted and desired, of linen,
+clothes, and food; for Benoit had assured me he would allow him to
+receive any thing for the sake of his good wife. He thanked me, shook
+my hand kindly, and saw me depart, as I thought with pleasure.
+
+I found De Walden waiting for me with Juan. The latter by my desire
+asked for Benoit, and begged to know of him at what hour that day or
+evening he might be admitted to his master. Accordingly he went,
+carrying with him the articles I mentioned. He was gone some time; and
+anxious indeed was I for his return.
+
+"I have seen her," said he.
+
+"Seen whom?"
+
+"That vile woman."
+
+"Was she with him?" cried I, turning very faint.
+
+"No, no: let the good Benoit alone for that. She desired to see the
+Citoyen Pendarves, her husband;" on which Benoit scornfully answered,
+"One wife is enough for any man: I allow him to see one of his every
+day, but no more; so go away, and do not return again."
+
+"What!" exclaimed the creature, in great agitation, "is she, is Helen
+Pendarves in Paris?"
+
+"Yes; _she_, the _true_ she,--the good wife is here; and _she_ alone
+will Benoit admit to his prisoner. _Va-t en, te dis-je!_"
+
+"And the creature went away," added Juan; "for I saw and heard it all,
+giving him such a look!"
+
+I could not help being pleased with this account; but I sent him
+immediately to tell De Walden what had passed, that he might lose no
+time in seeking La Beauvais, to prevent her going to the prison, and
+thereby increasing the danger of Pendarves.--When Juan returned, I
+asked for a minute detail of all that passed between my husband and
+him.
+
+"Oh! he is very wretched!" he replied: "but he told me nothing
+concerning himself; he only walked up and down the narrow room, asking
+me nothing but about you, and why they let you come, and if De Walden
+came on purpose to guard you. In short, we talked of nothing else; and
+then he did so wish you safe back in your own country!"
+
+This account gave me sincere pleasure, and made me believe that
+Seymour's heart was not so much alienated from me as I expected; and a
+weight seemed suddenly taken from my mind. The next day I went again at
+noon, and I found La Beauvais in high dispute with Benoit. As soon as he
+saw me, he saw that I recognised her, and that my countenance bore the
+hue of death, he caught my hand, saying, "_Vite! vite! entre donc:_
+BELLE _et_ BONNE! _et toi, va-t en tout de suite!_"[18]
+
+  [Footnote 18: Quick! quick! enter: fair and good! but you, go away
+  directly!]
+
+La Beauvais, provoked and disappointed, seized my arm. "Madame
+Pendarves," she cried, "the same interest brings us hither: use your
+influence over this barbarian to procure me admittance."
+
+"The same interest!" I replied, turning round, throwing her hand from my
+arm, and looking at her with all the scorn and abhorrence which I felt:
+"_Madame, je ne vous connois pas._"[19]
+
+  [Footnote 19: Madam! I do not know you.]
+
+"It is well," she said. "Depend on it, I shall refresh your memory; and
+soon too. I will be revenged, though my own heart bleeds for it."
+
+She then hastened away; and I, feeling the rash folly I had committed,
+and fearing I had irreparably injured my husband's cause, was forced to
+let the kind jailor conduct me to his own apartment, in order that I
+might recover myself before I went to Pendarves. I found him more
+cheerful, and also more affectionate in his manner towards me. He had
+been reading a letter, which he hastily put into his pocket; yet not so
+soon but that my quick eye discovered in the address the hand of La
+Beauvais. It was this renewal of intercourse, then, that had made him
+cheerful! But why then was he more affectionate to me? I have since
+resolved that question to my satisfaction.
+
+No one likes to give up any power once possessed. Pendarves had
+flattered himself La Beauvais fondly loved him; and his bitter grief
+at her apparent desertion of him, arose from wounded pride, and the fear
+of having lost his power over her, more than from pining affection.
+But she had written to him; she was trying to gain admittance to his
+prison:--his wounded vanity therefore was at rest on one point, and the
+sight of me was grateful because it ministered to it in another.
+
+But I did not, could not reason then: I only felt; and what with
+jealousy, and what with my fears for his life, now, I thought,
+endangered by me, I was ill and evidently wretched the whole time I
+staid. But Seymour's manner to me was most soothing, and even tender. At
+that moment I could better have borne indifference from him; for I was
+conscious that I had weakly given way to the feelings of an injured
+jealous woman, and had thereby probably given the seal to his fate!
+
+Glad was I when the jailor summoned me; for I was anxious to tell De
+Walden the folly which I had committed; and I saw that Seymour was hurt
+at the cold and hurried manner in which I bade him farewell.
+
+When I saw De Walden, he told me that he had called in vain on La
+Beauvais hitherto; but would try again and again. On hearing what had
+passed between us he became alarmed, but declared that he could not have
+forgiven me if I had spoken or acted otherwise. That day some of the
+tyrant's creatures were in our shop, and one of them desired to see the
+other shop-woman, declaring Alice was not pretty enough to wait on them;
+and that they were resolved the next time they came to see _la belle
+Angloise_.--But every other fear was soon swallowed up in one.
+
+Juan overheard that night in the Thuilleries gardens, that the
+Englishman Pendarves would be brought before the tribunal the day after
+the next, and there was no doubt of his being executed with several
+others directly!!!
+
+The moment, the dreaded moment was now indeed at hand, and how was it
+to be averted? De Walden heard this intelligence also, and came to me
+immediately. But all hope seemed vain, because he was to be condemned to
+satisfy private wishes, and not because any public wrong could be proved
+against him; and he left me in utter despair. But he also left me to
+reflect; and the result was a determination to act resolutely and
+immediately, and to risk the event. Suffice, that I called my faithful
+servants into my room, reminded them of that fidelity and obedience to
+me which they had vowed to my poor mother on her death-bed, and told
+them the hour for them to prove their attachment and fulfil their vow
+was now arrived. This solemn adjuration was answered by as solemn
+assurances to obey me in whatever I required of them. I first required
+that they should keep all I was now going to say, and all they or I were
+going to do, profoundly secret from De Walden. I saw Juan recoil at
+this; but I was firm, and he swore himself to secrecy. I then unfolded
+to them my scheme, and had to encounter tears, entreaties urged on
+bended knee, that I would give up my rash design, and consider myself.
+But they might as well have talked to the winds. "I feel," said I, "by
+the suddenness of this proceeding, that my treatment of La Beauvais has
+done this, and it is my duty, at all risks to myself, to save my husband
+from the death to which I have hurried him." The faithful creatures were
+silenced, but not convinced. Still, finding they could not prevent my
+purpose, and that I declared I would cry "_Vive le Roi_," that I might
+die with my husband, they prepared in mournful obedience to consult with
+me on the best means of accomplishing my wishes.
+
+My plan was this: I resolved to ask permission to take a last farewell
+of Pendarves at night, after I had seen him in the morning, and then
+change clothes with him, and remain in his stead.
+
+"And as Benoit was ill in bed this evening, when you went," said I,
+"there is no likelihood that he will be well to-morrow; so my plan
+cannot injure him. Therefore, let us be prepared to execute what I have
+designed, directly."
+
+"Well! my comfort is," said Juan, "that my master will not consent to
+risk your life to save his."
+
+"Not willingly; but I shall force him to do it."
+
+"Well! we shall see."
+
+You may remember how I used to regret my great height, because Pendarves
+did not admire tall women; but now how I valued it, as it made it more
+easy for Pendarves to pass for me, and therefore might aid my efforts to
+save his life!
+
+We agreed that Alice and Juan should be in waiting with a covered
+peasant's cart, at the end of the Luxembourg gardens; that then he
+should drive him and her to our lodging in the Champs Elisees, which we
+had again hired, where he was to pass for me, and still hide his face as
+if in great affliction. The house was kept by a deaf, stupid old woman,
+who was not likely to suspect any thing. And at day-break, Pendarves in
+a peasant's dress, with Alice by his side, dressed like a peasant also,
+with her hood over her face, was to drive on day and night when he had
+passed the barrier, which we hoped it would be easy to do, till some
+place of safe retreat offered itself on the road. And I knew that on
+this road was the _chateau_ of a gentleman whom we had known and had
+done kindnesses for in England, who had contrived like some others to
+take no part in politics, and had retained his house and his land.
+
+All was procured and ready as I desired; and, having written down my
+scheme for my husband, conjuring him to grant my request, I went to the
+prison in the morning with a beating heart, lest Benoit should be well
+enough to be at his post. But he was not only unwell; he was dismissed
+from his office. The _bon Benoit_, as he was called, was too good for
+his situation.[20]
+
+  [Footnote 20: An historical fact.]
+
+Seymour beheld with wonder, and no small alarm, my cheek, now flushed,
+now pale, my tremulous voice, and my abstracted manner; and I once more
+saw in him that affectionate interest and anxiety so dear to my heart.
+
+"You are ill, my beloved," said he at length.
+
+"Beloved!" How the word thrilled through my heart! I never expected to
+hear it again from his lips; and the sound overcame me. "I shall be
+better soon," cried I, bursting into tears.
+
+The surly jailor (Oh! how unlike Benoit!) who had taken his place, now
+summoned me away, and I slided my letter into my husband's hands. "Read
+it," said I, "and know that your doom is fixed for to-morrow; therefore
+I conjure you by our past loves to grant the request which this letter
+contains; and if you think I have deserved kindness from you, comply
+with my wishes."
+
+Seymour, who had heard nothing of his approaching fate, took the letter,
+and listened to me with a bewildered air; and I hastened from the
+prison. I had easily obtained permission to return to the prison at
+night.
+
+"It will be the last time. You will never come again," said the brutal
+gaoler: "your husband will never come back when he goes to the tribunal
+to-morrow, so come and welcome!"
+
+I spent the intervening time in writing a letter to De Walden, inclosing
+one for my uncle, which I begged him to forward; and I arranged every
+thing as if death awaited me. Nay, how could I be assured that it did
+not? but I kept all my fears to myself and talked of hope alone to my
+poor servants, who wandered about, the pictures of grief.
+
+When De Walden called that day I would not see him, but lay down on
+purpose to avoid him; for I dreaded to meet his penetrating glance.
+
+As it was now the middle of July, days were shortening, and by eight
+o'clock twilight was gathering fast. My appointment was for half-past
+seven; and by a bribe I obtained leave from Benoit's unworthy successor
+to stay till half-past eight.
+
+Then, summoning all my fortitude, I entered the cell of my husband. I
+shall pass over the first moments of our meeting; but I shall never
+forget them, and I am soothed and comforted when I recollect all that
+escaped from that affectionate and generous, though misguided being.
+Suffice, that all his arguments were vain to persuade me that he was not
+worthy to be saved, at even the smallest risk to a life so precious as
+mine.
+
+"My life precious!" cried I: "a being without any near and dear ties!
+with neither parent, child, nor husband, I may _now_ say," cried I,
+thrown off my guard by the consciousness of a desolate heart.
+
+"I have deserved this reproach," said Seymour; "you have indeed no
+husband, therefore why should not I die? as, were I gone, Helen, I feel,
+I know, that you would be no longer desolate!"
+
+I understood his meaning, but did not notice it. Bitter was now the
+anguish which I felt; nay, so violent was my distress, and so earnest
+my entreaties that he would escape, as the idea that he refused me in
+consequence of what I had just said, would, if he perished, drive me, I
+was convinced, to complete distraction, that he at last consented to my
+request.
+
+"But, take notice," said he, "that I do it with this assurance, that, if
+my escape puts you in peril, I will return and suffer for or with you;
+and then you shall again find that you have a husband, Helen, and our
+union shall be renewed in death, and cemented in our blood.--I say no
+more. You command, and it is my duty to obey."
+
+He then took off his _robe de chambre_ which he wore in prison; and I
+dressed him in the loose gown I had made up for the occasion, and long
+enough to hide his feet; and even when he had my bonnet on, I had the
+satisfaction of seeing that he did not look much taller than I did. I
+now wrapt his robe tight round me, put all my hair under his night-cap
+and with my handkerchief at my eyes awaited the gaoler's summons; while
+Pendarves dropped the veil, and covered his face with his handkerchief
+as if in grief. But the anxious heavings of my bosom and the mournful
+ones of his were only too real. Every thing favoured us; the wind was
+high, and, by blowing the door to, blew out the lamp which the gaoler
+held: therefore the only light was from a dim lamp in the passage. At
+the door stood the trembling Juan.
+
+"There, take care of her; for she totters as if she was drunk," said the
+gaoler; "I warrant you she will never come again."
+
+In five minutes more Seymour was in the cart, and very shortly after he
+reached our cottage in safety, and was, as me, lying in my bed in the
+Champs Elisees. I, meanwhile, went to bed, and made no answer, but by
+groans to the "Good night" and brutal consolations of the gaoler, when
+he came to lock me up, without the smallest suspicion who I was. But
+when I heard myself actually locked up for the night, I threw myself on
+my knees in a transport of devout gratitude.
+
+The next morning I rose after short and troubled rest, seating myself
+with my back to the door, that I might remain undiscovered as long as I
+could, in order to give my husband more time to get away. But I could no
+longer retard the awful moment; for my gaoler came to summon me before
+the tribunal.
+
+"I am quite ready!" said I, turning slowly round. I leave you to imagine
+his surprise, his indignation, his execrations, and his abuse. I forgave
+him, for the poor wretch feared for his place, if not for his life.
+
+"Yes: you shall go before the tribunal," said he, seizing me with savage
+fury. "But no, I must first send after your rascally husband."
+
+He then locked me in; and I saw no more of him for two hours, when I
+heard a great noise in the passage, down which my cell when open looked,
+and presently the door was unlocked by the gaoler himself, who exclaimed
+with a malignant smile, "Your husband is taken, and brought back! Look
+out, and you will see him!"
+
+I _did_ look out, I did see him, unseen by him at first, and I saw him
+walking up the passage with La Beauvais weeping on his arm, and one of
+hers thrown across his shoulder.
+
+An involuntary exclamation escaped me; and I retreated back into the
+cell. I have since heard that Henroit and his guards, De Walden and
+Juan, were in the passage; but I only saw my husband and La Beauvais;
+and leaning against the wall I hid my face in my hands, oppressed with a
+thousand contending and bewildering sensations.
+
+"There!" said the vindictive gaoler, ushering in Pendarves, as if he
+felt how painful a _tete-a-tete_ between us now would be; "there,
+citizen! I shall shut you up with your wife, till I know what is to be
+done with her. But perhaps you would like the other _citoyenne_ better?"
+
+"Peace!" cried Pendarves, "and leave us alone!"
+
+"Helen!" said my husband.
+
+"Mr. Pendarves!"
+
+"I see how it is, Helen; nor can I blame you: appearances were against
+me. But I must and will assure you, that that person's appearing at such
+a time, and her behaviour, were as unexpected as they were unwelcome."
+
+Still I spoke not: no, not even to inquire why I had the misery of
+seeing him return; and ere I had broken this painful but only too
+natural silence, and had only just resumed my woman's gown, the door was
+again thrown open, and an officer of the National Convention came to
+say, that I was allowed to return home for the present, till further
+proceedings were resolved upon.
+
+"Take notice, sir," said Pendarves, "that this lady's only fault has
+been too great a regard for an unworthy husband; and that what you may
+deem a crime, the rest of Europe will call a virtue."
+
+The officer smiled; and wishing my husband good night, I followed where
+he led.
+
+At the gate I found De Walden, who accompanied me home, having first
+been assured by the officer that I should be under surveillance.
+
+"And is it thus, rash Helen, you use your best friends, and risk an
+existence so valuable?" cried De Walden.
+
+"Spare me, spare me your reproaches," said I: "I am sufficiently humbled
+already."
+
+"Not _humbled_--those only are humbled who could injure such a creature.
+Helen, I was in the passage at the prison, and I saw all that passed.
+
+"Now then, while this recollection is fresh on your mind, let me ask you
+if you think yourself justified in staying here where you are now
+exposed to insult and to danger, for the sake of one who at a moment
+which would have bound another man more tenderly than ever, could so
+meet and so offend your eyes?" I was still silent.
+
+"Now then hear my proposal. I have the greatest reason to believe that
+I can secure an escape both for you, Alice, and myself, through the
+_barriere_ this very night on the road to Switzerland, There, my dear
+friend, I offer you a home and a parent! My mother will be your mother,
+my uncle your uncle; and well do I know, that could my revered Mrs.
+Pendarves look down on what is passing here, she would be happier to see
+you under the protection of my family than under any other protection on
+earth!"
+
+"No, my dear friend, no; your just resentment and your wishes deceive
+you. My mother valued her child's fame and her child's virtues equal
+with her safety."
+
+"Your fame could not suffer. I would not live even near you, Helen. I am
+as jealous of your fame as any mother could be: besides that _principle_
+would make me shun you.--No, Helen; I would see you safe in Switzerland,
+and then sail for America."
+
+"Generous man! But you shall not quit your country for my sake: besides,
+I will not quit my husband in the hour of danger. No, whatever be the
+fate of Pendarves, I stay to witness and perhaps to share it. The die is
+cast: so say no more."
+
+By this time we had reached my home. Alice came to meet me.
+
+"O my poor, dear master!" said she: "but it was all his own seeking. We
+had passed the barrier; but he would go back. He declared he could not,
+would not escape till he knew you were safe: when just as I was got into
+the house in the Champs Elisees, and he was holding the reins in his
+hands, the officers seized him; and he said, 'I am he whom you seek--I
+am quite willing to accompany you.'"
+
+"This in some measure redeems his character with me," cried De Walden;
+and _I_ did not feel it the less because I said nothing: but at length I
+said, "Generous Seymour! He never told me this. He did not make a merit
+of it with me."
+
+Juan now came in, lamenting with great grief his poor master's return.
+"O that vile woman!" cried he: "It was at her instigation that he was to
+have been tried and condemned to-day; and then she repented, and came
+to the prison to watch for his being led out, when she saw him brought
+back, and then she had the audacity to hang upon him, weeping and making
+such a fuss! while he, poor soul, tried to shake her off, assuring her
+he forgave her, but never wished to see her more!"
+
+"Did he act and talk thus?" cried I.
+
+"He did indeed."
+
+"And he came back from anxiety for me! O my dear friend, how glad am I
+that I refused your proposal before I heard this!"--Sweet indeed was it
+to my heart to have the conduct of Pendarves thus cleared up.
+
+That evening we learnt that Pendarves was to go before the tribunal the
+next day; and I was preparing to try to gain admittance to him, and to
+see him as he came out, when an order for my own arrest came, and an
+officer and his assistants to lead me to a prison. Juan instantly went
+in search of De Walden; but I was led away before his return.
+
+On the road we met the tyrant: "_Ah ha, ma belle!_" cried he, "where are
+now your green spectacles?"
+
+I haughtily demanded my liberty; but he said I was a dangerous
+person--and to prison I was borne. To such a prison too! My husband's
+cell was a palace to mine; but I immediately concluded that they wished
+to make my confinement so horrible that I should be glad to leave it on
+any conditions.
+
+Two days after, and while I had been, I found, forbidden to see any
+one, I received a letter informing me that my decree of arrest should
+instantly be _casse_, my husband set at liberty and sent with a
+safe-conduct out of the frontiers, if I would promise to smile on a man
+who adored me, and who had power to do whatever he promised, and would
+perform it before he claimed one approving glance from my fine eyes.
+
+I have kept this letter as a specimen of Jacobin love-making. It was not
+signed with any name, except that of my _devoue serviteur_; and I never
+knew from whom it came.
+
+It told me an answer would be called for _in person_ the day after the
+next; and anxiously did I await this interview--await it in horrors
+unspeakable. There was, however, one comfort which I derived from this
+letter: till it was answered, I felt assured that my husband was safe.
+Dreadful was the morrow: more dreadful still the day after it; for
+hourly now did I expect the visit of the wretch. But that day, and the
+next day passed, and I saw no one but my taciturn and brutal gaoler,
+and heard nothing but the closing of the prison doors.
+
+The next day too I expected him still in vain; but that night I marked
+an unusual emotion, and, as I thought, a look of alarm in my gaoler;
+and my wretched scanty meals were not given me till a considerable time
+after the usual hour. That night too I and the other prisoners, I found,
+were locked up two hours before the customary time.
+
+All that night I heard noises in the street of the most frightful
+description; and as my cell was near the front gates of the prison, I
+could even distinguish what the sounds were; and I heard the horrible
+tocsin sound to arms: I heard the report of fire-arms, I heard the
+shouts of the people, I heard the cry of 'Liberty,' I heard 'Down with
+the tyrant!' and all these mingled with execrations, shrieks, and, as I
+fancied, groans; while I sunk upon my knees, and committed myself in
+humble resignation to the awful fate which might then be involving him I
+loved, and which might soon reach me, and drag me from the dungeon to
+the scaffold!
+
+At this moment of horrible suspense and alarm, and soon after the day
+had risen on this theatre of blood, my door was thrown open, not by my
+brutal gaoler, but by De Walden and Juan! My gaoler, one of the tools of
+despotism, had fled; the twenty-eighth of July had freed the country
+from the fetters of the tyrant; he was _then_ at that moment on his way
+to the guillotine with his colleagues; and I, Pendarves, and hundreds
+else, were saved!
+
+Oh! what had not my poor servants and De Walden endured during the four
+days of my imprisonment! Painful as that was, they feared worse evils
+might ensue; while Pendarves, confined with the utmost strictness, was
+not allowed to see even Juan!
+
+But where was Pendarves? and why did I not see _him_, if he was indeed
+at liberty? De Walden looked down and replied, "He is at liberty, I
+know; but we have heard and seen nothing of him."
+
+By this time we had reached my home, where I was received with tears of
+joy by my agitated attendants. But, alas! my joy was changed into
+mortification and bitterness: and when my happy friends called on me to
+rejoice with them, I replied, in the agony of my heart, "I _am_
+thankful, but I shall never rejoice again!" and for some minutes I laid
+my head on the table, and never spoke but by the deepest sighs.
+
+"I understand you," replied De Walden; "and if I can bring you any
+welcome intelligence, depend on it that I will."
+
+He then hastily departed; and worn out with anxiety, want of sleep, and
+sorrow, I retired to my bed, and fortunately sunk into a deep and quiet
+slumber.
+
+When I went down to breakfast the next day, I found De Walden waiting
+for me. His cheek was pale, and his look dejected; but he smiled when I
+entered the room, and told me he brought me tidings of my husband.
+
+"Indeed!" cried I with eagerness.
+
+"Yes; I have seen him. He is at a lodging on the Italian Boulevards--and
+alone."
+
+"Alone! And--and does he not mean to see me; to call and--"
+
+"How could he? Have you forgotten how you last parted? You resenting
+deeply his then only seeming delinquency; and he wounded by, yet
+resigned to, your evident resentment."
+
+"True, true: yet still--"
+
+"No; I had a long conversation with Pendarves,--for after his late
+behaviour, and being convinced that he was alone, I had no objection to
+call on him,--and he received me as I wished. He even was as open on
+every subject as I could desire; and I found him, though still
+persecuted by the letters of La Beauvais, resolved never to renew any
+correspondence with her."
+
+"If so, and if sure of himself, why not write to me, if he does not like
+to visit me? I am sure I have not proved myself unforgiving."
+
+"Shall I tell you why? A feeling that does him honour; a consciousness
+that, fallen as he is from the high estate he once held in your esteem
+and that of others, he cannot presume to require of you, though you are
+his wife, a re-instatement in your love and your society; and he very
+properly feels that the first advance should come from you: for though,
+as I told him, the relaxed principles of the world allow husbands a
+latitude which they deny to wives; still, in the eyes of God, and in
+those of nicely feeling men, the fault is in both sexes equal; and an
+offender like Pendarves is no longer entitled, as he was before, to the
+tenderness of a virtuous wife. Nay, Pendarves, penitent and self-judged,
+agrees with me in this opinion, and is thereby raised in my estimation."
+
+"What! does Pendarves feel and think thus?"
+
+"Yes; therefore I will myself entreat for him entire forgiveness; but
+not directly, and as if a husband who has so grossly erred were as dear
+to you as one without error."
+
+Here De Walden's voice failed him; but he soon after added, in a low
+voice, "And I trust that to have aided in bringing about your re-union
+will support me under the feelings which the sight of it may occasion
+me."
+
+"But does Pendarves think I shall be always inexorable?"
+
+"He cannot think so; from your oft experienced kindness."
+
+"Then why prolong his anxiety? Why not offer to return with him to
+England directly?"
+
+"Because I think there would be an indelicacy in offering so soon to
+re-unite yourself to him. I would have you, though a wife, 'be wooed,
+and not unsought be won;' but I should not dare to give you this advice,
+were I not convinced that this is the feeling of Pendarves. Besides, I
+also feel that he would be less oppressed by your superior virtue, if he
+found it leavened by a little female pride and resentment."
+
+"Well, well, I will consider the matter," said I.
+
+The next day, and the day after, De Walden called and saw Pendarves. "He
+is very unhappy," said he; "though he might be the envy of all the first
+men in Paris. The most beautiful woman in it, who lives in the first
+style, is fallen in love with him; but he refuses all invitations to
+her house, does not answer her _billets-doux_, and rejects all her
+advances."
+
+"He does not love her, I suppose?" I replied, masking my satisfaction in
+a scornful smile.
+
+"No, Helen. He says, and I believe him, that he never really loved any
+one but you; and for La Beauvais, who persecutes him with visits as well
+as letters, he has a kind of aversion. Believe me, that at this moment
+he has all my pity, and much of my esteem; and could I envy the man who,
+having called you his, is conscious of the guilt of having left you, I
+trust I should soon have an opportunity of envying Pendarves."
+
+Oh! the waywardness of the human heart; or, was it only the waywardness
+of mine? Now that I found my husband was anxious to return to me, I felt
+less anxious for the re-union; and having gained my point, I began to
+consider with more severity the faults which I was called upon to
+overlook; and though I had reclaimed my wanderer, I began to consider
+whether the reward was equal to the pains bestowed. And also I felt a
+little mortified to find De Walden so willing to effect our union, and
+so active in his endeavours to further it. These obliquities of feeling
+were, however, only temporary; and I had actually written to Pendarves,
+by the advice of De Walden, assuring him, all was so much forgiven and
+forgotten, that I was prepared to quit Paris with him, and go with him
+the world over--when the most dreadful intelligence reached me! even at
+this hour I cannot recall that moment without agony. I must lay down my
+pen--
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Pendarves continued to resist the repeated importunities of La Beauvais
+to visit her; but at length she sent a friend to tell him she was dying,
+and trusted he would not refuse to bid her farewell.--Pendarves could
+not, dared not refuse to answer this appeal to his feelings, and he
+repaired to her hotel; in which, though he knew it not, she was
+maintained by one of the new Members of the Convention, whom she had
+inveigled to marry her according to the laws of the republic. When he
+arrived, he found her scarcely indisposed; and reproaching her severely
+with her treachery, he told her that all her artifices were vain; that
+his heart had always been his wife's though circumstances had enabled
+her to lure him from me; that now I had shone upon him in the moments of
+danger more brightly than ever; and that he conjured her to forget a
+guilty man, who, though never likely perhaps to be happy again with the
+woman he adored, yet still preferred his present solitary but guiltless
+situation to all the intoxicating hours which he had passed with _her_.
+
+La Beauvais, who really loved him, was overcome with this solemn
+renunciation, and fell back in a sort of hysterical affection on the
+couch; and while he held her hand, and was bathing her temples with
+essences, her husband rushed in, and exclaiming, "Villain, defend
+yourself!" he gave a pistol into the hand of Pendarves; then firing
+himself, the ball took effect; and while De Walden was waiting his
+return at his lodgings to give him my letter of recall and of forgiving
+love, he was carried thither a bleeding and a dying man! But he was
+conscious; and while Juan, who called by accident, remained with him, De
+Walden came to break the dread event to me, and bear me to the couch of
+the sufferer.
+
+He was holding my letter to his heart.
+
+"It has healed every wound there," said he, "except those by conscience
+made; and it shall lie there till all is over."
+
+Silent, stunned, I threw myself beside him, and joined my cold cheek to
+his.
+
+"O Helen! and is it thus we meet? Is _this_ our re-union?"
+
+"Live! do but live," cried I, in a burst of salutary tears; "and you
+shall find how dearly I love you still; and we shall be so
+happy!--happier than ever!"
+
+He shook his head mournfully, and said he did not deserve to live, and
+to be so happy; and he humbly bowed to that chastising hand which, when
+he had escaped punishment for real errors, made him fall the victim of
+an imaginary one.
+
+The surgeons now came to examine the wound a second time, and confirmed
+their previous sentence, that the wound was mortal; on which he desired
+to be left alone with me, and I was able to suppress my feelings that I
+might sooth his during this overwhelming interview.
+
+These moments are some of the dearest and most sacred in the stores of
+memory--but I shall not detail them; suffice that I was able, in default
+of better aid, to cheer the death-bed of the beloved sufferer, and
+breathe over him, from the lips of agonizing tenderness, the faltering
+but fervent prayer.
+
+That duty done, my fortitude was exhausted, I saw before me, not the
+erring husband--the being who had blighted my youth by anxiety, and
+wounded all the dearest feelings of my soul; but the playfellow of my
+childhood, the idolized object of my youthful heart, and the husband of
+my virgin affections! and I was going to lose him! and he lay pale and
+bleeding before me! and his last fond lingering look of unutterable love
+was now about to close on me for ever!
+
+"She has forgiven me!" he faltered out; "and Oh! mayst Thou forgive my
+trespasses against thee!--Helen! it is sweet and consoling, my only
+love, to die here," said he, laying his cheek upon my bosom:--and he
+spoke no more!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Alas! I could not have the sad consolation, when I recovered my
+recollection, to carry his body to England, to repose by those dear ones
+already in the grave; but I do not regret it now. Since then, the hands
+of piety have planted the rough soil in which he was laid; flowers bloom
+around his grave; and when five years ago I visited Paris, with my own
+hands I strewed his simple tomb with flowers that spring from the now
+hallowed soil around.
+
+Object of my earliest and my fondest love never, no never, have
+forgotten thee! nor can I ever forget! But, like one of the shades of
+Ossian, thou comest over my soul, brightly arrayed in the beams of thy
+loveliness; but all around thee is dark with mists and storms!
+
+To conclude.--I have only to add, that after two years of seclusion, and
+I may say of sorrow, and one of that dryness and desolation of the
+heart, when it seems as if it could love no more, that painful feeling
+vanished, and I became the willing bride of De Walden; that my beloved
+uncle lived to see me the happy mother of two children; and that my aunt
+gossips, advises and quotes, as well and as constantly as usual; that on
+the death of his uncle and his mother, my husband and I came to reside
+entirely in England; that Lord Charles Belmour, with a broken
+constitution and a shattered fortune, was glad at last to marry for a
+nurse and a dower, and took to wife a first cousin who had loved him for
+years,--a woman who had sense enough to overlook his faults in his good
+qualities, and temper enough to bear with the former; and he grows every
+day more happy, more amiable, and more in love with marriage.
+
+For myself, I own with humble thankfulness the vastness of the blessings
+I enjoy; and though I cannot repent that I married the husband of my own
+choice, I confess I have never been so truly happy as with the husband
+of my mother's:--for though I feel that it is often delightful to
+forgive a husband's errors, she, and she alone, is truly to be envied,
+whose husband has no errors to forgive.
+
+
+THE END.
+
+
+
+
+TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE
+
+Missing punctuation has been added and superfluous punctuation removed
+(most frequently quotation marks). Period spellings have been retained,
+although a number of obvious typographical errors were corrected.
+Hyphenation is inconsistent throughout and a number of words occur
+in various spellings.
+
+The name of one historical figure appears both as Hebert and as Herbert
+in the original, and has been changed to Hebert. Otherwise, no
+corrections have been made to the French.
+
+
+The following additional changes were made to the text; in each case,
+the original is followed by the corrected version:
+
+ I went to down dinner
+   I went down to dinner
+
+ We were asked to stay dinner
+   We were asked to stay to dinner
+
+ and as i If addressed an inferior
+   and as if I addressed an inferior
+
+ a mono-drame, a a ballet of action
+   a mono-drame, a ballet of action
+
+ the impractible Lord Charles
+    the impracticable Lord Charles
+ (NB impracticable here has its old meaning of unmanageable)
+
+ were a tearful one fails
+   where a tearful one fails
+
+ as little attention as as I can
+   as little attention as I can
+
+One passage had a line of text out of sequence. The original reads:
+
+ returned in much agitation from his walk, but I
+ experienced at sight of Pendarves; and on inquiry
+ saw it was of an opposite nature to that which he
+ I found that he had, as he said, met that good
+ young man, Count De Walden.
+
+The corrected version runs:
+
+ returned in much agitation from his walk, but I
+ saw it was of an opposite nature to that which he
+ experienced at sight of Pendarves; and on inquiry
+ I found that he had, as he said, met that good
+ young man, Count De Walden.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Wife's Duty, by Amelia Alderson Opie
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