summaryrefslogtreecommitdiff
diff options
context:
space:
mode:
Diffstat
-rw-r--r--.gitattributes3
-rw-r--r--35123-8.txt9732
-rw-r--r--35123-8.zipbin0 -> 191703 bytes
-rw-r--r--35123-h.zipbin0 -> 202885 bytes
-rw-r--r--35123-h/35123-h.htm11926
-rw-r--r--35123.txt9726
-rw-r--r--35123.zipbin0 -> 191548 bytes
-rw-r--r--LICENSE.txt11
-rw-r--r--README.md2
9 files changed, 31400 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6833f05
--- /dev/null
+++ b/.gitattributes
@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+* text=auto
+*.txt text
+*.md text
diff --git a/35123-8.txt b/35123-8.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..f699627
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35123-8.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,9732 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and Manual
+of Politeness, by Florence Hartley
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness
+ A Complete Hand Book for the Use of the Lady in Polite Society
+
+Author: Florence Hartley
+
+Release Date: January 30, 2011 [EBook #35123]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Julia Miller, S.D., and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by The
+Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+ THE
+
+ LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE,
+
+ AND
+
+ MANUAL OF POLITENESS.
+
+ A COMPLETE HAND BOOK FOR THE USE OF THE LADY IN POLITE SOCIETY.
+
+ CONTAINING
+
+ FULL DIRECTIONS FOR CORRECT MANNERS, DRESS, DEPORTMENT, AND CONVERSATION;
+ RULES FOR THE DUTIES OF BOTH HOSTESS AND GUEST
+ IN MORNING RECEPTIONS, DINNER COMPANIES, VISITING, EVENING
+ PARTIES AND BALLS; A COMPLETE GUIDE FOR LETTER
+ WRITING AND CARDS OF COMPLIMENT; HINTS
+ ON MANAGING SERVANTS, ON THE PRESERVATION
+ OF HEALTH, AND ON ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
+
+ AND ALSO
+
+ USEFUL RECEIPTS FOR THE COMPLEXION, HAIR, AND WITH HINTS
+ AND DIRECTIONS FOR THE CARE OF THE WARDROBE.
+
+ BY
+
+ FLORENCE HARTLEY,
+
+ AUTHOR OF THE "LADIES' HAND BOOK OF FANCY AND ORNAMENTAL WORK."
+
+ BOSTON:
+ G. W. COTTRELL, PUBLISHER,
+ 36 Cornhill.
+
+
+ Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1860, by
+
+ G. G. EVANS,
+
+ in the Clerk's Office of the District Court for the Eastern District of
+ Pennsylvania.
+
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTION.
+
+
+In preparing a book of etiquette for ladies, I would lay down as the
+first rule, "Do unto others as you would others should do to you." You
+can never be rude if you bear the rule always in mind, for what lady
+likes to be treated rudely? True Christian politeness will always be the
+result of an unselfish regard for the feelings of others, and though you
+may err in the ceremonious points of etiquette, you will never be
+impolite.
+
+Politeness, founded upon such a rule, becomes the expression, in
+graceful manner, of social virtues. The spirit of politeness consists in
+a certain attention to forms and ceremonies, which are meant both to
+please others and ourselves, and to make others pleased with us; a still
+clearer definition may be given by saying that politeness is goodness of
+heart put into daily practice; there can be no _true_ politeness without
+kindness, purity, singleness of heart, and sensibility.
+
+Many believe that politeness is but a mask worn in the world to conceal
+bad passions and impulses, and to make a show of possessing virtues not
+really existing in the heart; thus, that politeness is merely hypocrisy
+and dissimulation. Do not believe this; be certain that those who
+profess such a doctrine are practising themselves the deceit they
+condemn so much. Such people scout politeness, because, to be truly a
+lady, one must carry the principles into every circumstance of life,
+into the family circle, the most intimate friendship, and never forget
+to extend the gentle courtesies of life to every one. This they find too
+much trouble, and so deride the idea of being polite and call it
+deceitfulness.
+
+True politeness is the language of a good heart, and those possessing
+that heart will never, under any circumstances, be rude. They may not
+enter a crowded saloon gracefully; they may be entirely ignorant of the
+_forms_ of good society; they may be awkward at table, ungrammatical in
+speech; but they will never be heard speaking so as to wound the
+feelings of another; they will never be seen making others uncomfortable
+by seeking solely for their own _personal_ convenience; they will always
+endeavor to set every one around them at ease; they will be
+self-sacrificing, friendly, unselfish; truly in word and deed, _polite_.
+Give to such a woman the knowledge of the forms and customs of society,
+teach her how best to show the gentle courtesies of life, and you have a
+_lady_, created by God, only indebted for the _outward_ polish to the
+world.
+
+It is true that society demands this same unselfishness and courtesy,
+but when there is no heart in the work, the time is frittered away on
+the mere ceremonies, forms of etiquette, and customs of society, and
+this politeness seeks only its own ends; to be known as courteous,
+spoken of as lady-like, and not beloved as unselfish and womanly.
+
+Etiquette exists in some form in all countries, has existed and will
+exist in all ages. From the rudest savage who dares not approach his
+ignorant, barbarous ruler without certain forms and ceremonies, to the
+most polished courts in Europe, or the home circles of America,
+etiquette reigns.
+
+True politeness will be found, its basis in the human heart, the same in
+all these varied scenes and situations, but the outward forms of
+etiquette will vary everywhere. Even in the same scene, time will alter
+every form, and render the exquisite polish of last year, obsolete
+rudeness next year.
+
+Politeness, being based upon real kindness of heart, cannot exist where
+there is selfishness or brutality to warp its growth. It is founded
+upon love of the neighbor, and a desire to be beloved, and to show love.
+Thus, where such pure, noble feelings do not exist, the mere forms of
+politeness become hypocrisy and deceit.
+
+Rudeness will repel, where courtesy would attract friends.
+
+Never by word or action notice the defects of another; be charitable,
+for all need charity. Remember who said, "Let him that is without fault
+cast the first stone." Remember that the laws of politeness require the
+consideration of the feelings of others; the endeavor to make every one
+feel at ease; and frank courtesy towards all. Never meet rudeness in
+others with rudeness upon your own part; even the most brutal and
+impolite will be more shamed by being met with courtesy and kindness,
+than by any attempt to annoy them by insolence on your part.
+
+Politeness forbids any display of resentment. The polished surface
+throws back the arrow.
+
+Remember that a favor becomes doubly valuable if granted with courtesy,
+and that the pain of a refusal may be softened if the manner expresses
+polite regret.
+
+Kindness, even to the most humble, will never lose anything by being
+offered in a gentle, courteous manner, and the most common-place action
+will admit of grace and ease in its execution.
+
+Let every action, while it is finished in strict accordance with
+etiquette, be, at the same time, easy, as if dictated solely by the
+heart.
+
+To be truly polite, remember you must be polite at _all_ times, and
+under _all_ circumstances.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+
+ PAGE
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+ CONVERSATION 11
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+ DRESS 21
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+ TRAVELING 34
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+ HOW TO BEHAVE AT A HOTEL 40
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+ EVENING PARTIES--Etiquette for the Hostess 44
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+ EVENING PARTIES--Etiquette for the Guest 54
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+ VISITING--Etiquette for the Hostess 60
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+ VISITING--Etiquette for the Guest 66
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+ MORNING RECEPTIONS OR CALLS--Etiquette for the Hostess 76
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+ MORNING RECEPTIONS OR CALLS--Etiquette for the Caller 81
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+ DINNER COMPANY--Etiquette for the Hostess 87
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+ DINNER COMPANY--Etiquette for the Guest 97
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+ TABLE ETIQUETTE 105
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+ CONDUCT IN THE STREET 109
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+ LETTER WRITING 116
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+ POLITE DEPORTMENT AND GOOD HABITS 142
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+ CONDUCT IN CHURCH 154
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+ BALL ROOM ETIQUETTE--For the Hostess 158
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+ BALL ROOM ETIQUETTE--For the Guest 166
+
+CHAPTER XX.
+
+ PLACES OF AMUSEMENT 172
+
+CHAPTER XXI.
+
+ ACCOMPLISHMENTS 178
+
+CHAPTER XXII.
+
+ SERVANTS 232
+
+CHAPTER XXIII.
+
+ ON A YOUNG LADY'S CONDUCT WHEN CONTEMPLATING MARRIAGE 244
+
+CHAPTER XXIV.
+
+ BRIDAL ETIQUETTE 259
+
+CHAPTER XXV.
+
+ HINTS ON HEALTH 264
+
+CHAPTER XXVI.
+
+ MISCELLANEOUS 283
+
+RECEIPTS.
+
+ FOR THE COMPLEXION, &c. 303
+
+
+
+
+LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+CONVERSATION.
+
+
+The art of conversation consists in the exercise of two fine qualities.
+You must originate, and you must sympathize; you must possess at the
+same time the habit of communicating and of listening attentively. The
+union is rare but irresistible. None but an excessively ill-bred person
+will allow her attention to wander from the person with whom she is
+conversing; and especially she will never, while seeming to be entirely
+attentive to her companion, answer a remark or question made to another
+person, in another group. Unless the conversation be general among a
+party of friends, confine your remarks and attention entirely to the
+person with whom you are conversing. Steele says, "I would establish but
+one great general rule in conversation, which is this--that people
+should not talk to please themselves, but those who hear them. This
+would make them consider whether what they speak be worth hearing;
+whether there be either wit or sense in what they are about to say; and
+whether it be adapted to the time when, the place where, and the person
+to whom, it is spoken."
+
+Be careful in conversation to avoid topics which may be supposed to have
+any direct reference to events or circumstances which may be painful for
+your companion to hear discussed; you may unintentionally start a
+subject which annoys or troubles the friend with whom you may be
+conversing; in that case, do not stop abruptly, when you perceive that
+it causes pain, and, above all, do not make the matter worse by
+apologizing; turn to another subject as soon as possible, and pay no
+attention to the agitation your unfortunate remark may have excited.
+Many persons will, for the sake of appearing witty or smart, wound the
+feelings of another deeply; avoid this; it is not only ill-bred, but
+cruel.
+
+Remember that having all the talk sustained by one person is not
+conversation; do not engross all the attention yourself, by refusing to
+allow another person an opportunity to speak, and also avoid the other
+extreme of total silence, or answering only in monosyllables.
+
+If your companion relates an incident or tells a story, be very careful
+not to interrupt her by questions, even if you do not clearly understand
+her; wait until she has finished her relation, and then ask any
+questions you may desire. There is nothing more annoying than to be so
+interrupted. I have heard a story told to an impertinent listener, which
+ran in this way:--
+
+"I saw a fearful sight----"
+
+"When?"
+
+"I was about to tell you; last Monday, on the train----"
+
+"What train?"
+
+"The train from B----. We were near the bridge----"
+
+"What bridge?"
+
+"I will tell you all about it, if you will only let me speak. I was
+coming from B----"
+
+"Last Monday, did you say?"
+
+and so on. The story was interrupted at every sentence, and the relator
+condemned as a most tedious story-teller, when, had he been permitted to
+go forward, he would have made the incident interesting and short.
+
+Never interrupt any one who is speaking. It is very ill-bred. If you see
+that a person to whom you wish to speak is being addressed by another
+person, never speak until she has heard and replied; until her
+conversation with that person is finished. No truly polite lady ever
+breaks in upon a conversation or interrupts another speaker.
+
+Never, in speaking to a married lady, enquire for her _husband_, or, if
+a gentleman, ask for his _wife_. The elegant way is to call the absent
+party by their name; ask Mr. Smith how Mrs. Smith is, or enquire of Mrs.
+Jones for Mr. Jones, but never for "your husband" or "your wife." On the
+other hand, if you are married, never speak of your husband as your
+"lord," "husband," or "good man," avoid, also, unless amongst relatives,
+calling him by his Christian name. If you wish others to respect him,
+show by speaking of him in respectful terms that you do so yourself. If
+either your own husband or your friend's is in the army or navy, or can
+claim the Dr., Prof., or any other prefix to his name, there is no
+impropriety in speaking of him as the colonel, doctor, or whatever his
+title may be.
+
+It is a mark of ill-breeding to use French phrases or words, unless you
+are sure your companion is a French scholar, and, even then, it is best
+to avoid them. Above all, do not use any foreign word or phrase, unless
+you have the language perfectly at your command. I heard a lady once use
+a Spanish quotation; she had mastered that one sentence alone; but a
+Cuban gentleman, delighted to meet an American who could converse with
+him in his own tongue, immediately addressed her in Spanish. Embarrassed
+and ashamed, she was obliged to confess that her knowledge of the
+language was confined to one quotation.
+
+Never anticipate the point or joke of any anecdote told in your
+presence. If _you_ have heard the story before, it may be new to others,
+and the narrator should always be allowed to finish it in his own words.
+To take any sentence from the mouth of another person, before he has
+time to utter it, is the height of ill-breeding. Avoid it carefully.
+
+Never use the phrases, "What-d-ye call it," "Thingummy," "What's his
+name," or any such substitutes for a proper name or place. If you cannot
+recall the names you wish to use, it is better not to tell the story or
+incident connected with them. No lady of high breeding will ever use
+these substitutes in conversation.
+
+Be careful always to speak in a distinct, clear voice; at the same time
+avoid talking too loudly, there is a happy medium between mumbling and
+screaming. Strive to attain it.
+
+Overlook the deficiencies of others when conversing with them, as they
+may be the results of ignorance, and impossible to correct. Never pain
+another person by correcting, before others, a word or phrase
+mispronounced or ungrammatically constructed. If your intimacy will
+allow it, speak of the fault upon another occasion, kindly and
+privately, or let it pass. Do not be continually watching for faults,
+that you may display your own superior wisdom in correcting them. Let
+modesty and kind feeling govern your conversation, as other rules of
+life. If, on the other hand, your companion uses words or expressions
+which you cannot understand, do not affect knowledge, or be ashamed of
+your ignorance, but frankly ask for an explanation.
+
+In conversing with professional gentlemen, never question them upon
+matters connected with their employment. An author may communicate,
+voluntarily, information interesting to you, upon the subject of his
+works, but any questions from you would be extremely rude. If you meet a
+physician who is attending a friend, you may enquire for their progress,
+but do not expect him to give you a detailed account of the disease and
+his manner of treating it. The same rule applies to questioning lawyers
+about their clients, artists on their paintings, merchants or mechanics
+of their several branches of business. Professional or business men,
+when with ladies, generally wish for miscellaneous subjects of
+conversation, and, as their visits are for recreation, they will feel
+excessively annoyed if obliged to "talk shop." Still many men can
+converse on no other subject than their every day employment. In this
+case listen politely, and show your interest. You will probably gain
+useful information in such conversation.
+
+Never question the veracity of any statement made in general
+conversation. If you are certain a statement is false, and it is
+injurious to another person, who may be absent, you may quietly and
+courteously inform the speaker that he is mistaken, but if the falsehood
+is of no consequence, let it pass. If a statement appears monstrous, but
+you do not _know_ that it is false, listen, but do not question its
+veracity. It may be true, though it strikes you as improbable.
+
+Never attempt to disparage an absent friend. It is the height of
+meanness. If others admire her, and you do not, let them have their
+opinion in peace; you will probably fail if you try to lower her in
+their esteem, and gain for yourself the character of an ill-natured,
+envious person.
+
+In conversing with foreigners, if they speak slightingly of the manners
+of your country, do not retort rudely, or resentfully. If their views
+are wrong, converse upon the subject, giving them frankly your views,
+but never retaliate by telling them that some custom of their own
+country is worse. A gentleman or lady of true refinement will always
+give your words candid consideration, and admit that an American may
+possibly know the customs of her country better than they do, and if
+your opponent is not well-bred, your rudeness will not improve his
+manners. Let the conversation upon national subjects be candid, and at
+the same time courteous, and leave him to think that the _ladies_ in
+America are well-bred, however much he may dislike some little national
+peculiarity.
+
+Avoid, at all times, mentioning subjects or incidents that can in any
+way disgust your hearers. Many persons will enter into the details of
+sicknesses which should be mentioned only when absolutely necessary, or
+describe the most revolting scenes before a room full of people, or even
+at table. Others speak of vermin, noxious plants, or instances of
+uncleanliness. All such conversation or allusion is excessively
+ill-bred. It is not only annoying, but absolutely sickening to some, and
+a truly lady-like person will avoid all such topics.
+
+I cannot too severely censure the habit of using sentences which admit
+of a double meaning. It is not only ill-bred, but indelicate, and no
+person of true refinement will ever do it. If you are so unfortunate as
+to converse with one who uses such phrases, never by word, look, or sign
+show that you understand any meaning beyond the plain, outspoken
+language.
+
+Avoid always any discussion upon religious topics, unless you are
+perfectly certain that your remarks cannot annoy or pain any one
+present. If you are tête-à-tête with a friend, and such a discussion
+arise, inquire your companion's church and mention your own, that you
+may yourself avoid unpleasant remarks, and caution him.
+
+Never, when advancing an opinion, assert positively that a thing "_is
+so_," but give your opinion _as_ an opinion. Say, "I think this is so,"
+or "these are _my_ views," but remember that your companion may be
+better informed upon the subject under discussion, or, where it is a
+mere matter of taste or feeling, do not expect that all the world will
+feel exactly as you do.
+
+Never repeat to a person with whom you converse, any unpleasant speech
+you may have heard concerning her. If you can give her pleasure by the
+repetition of a delicate compliment, or token of approval shown by a
+mutual friend, tell her the pleasant speech or incident, but do not hurt
+her feelings, or involve her in a quarrel by the repetition of
+ill-natured remarks.
+
+Amongst well-bred persons, every conversation is considered in a measure
+confidential. A lady or gentleman tacitly confides in you when he (or
+she) tells you an incident which may cause trouble if repeated, and you
+violate a confidence as much in such a repetition, as if you were bound
+over to secrecy. Remember this.
+
+Never criticise a companion's dress, or indeed make any remark whatever
+upon it. If a near friend, you may, if sincere, admire any article, but
+with a mere acquaintance let it pass unnoticed. If, however, any
+accident has happened to the dress, of which she is ignorant, tell her
+of it, and assist her in repairing the mischief.
+
+To be able to converse really well, you must read much, treasure in your
+memory the pearls of what you read; you must have a quick comprehension,
+observe passing events, and listen attentively whenever there is any
+opportunity of acquiring knowledge. A quick tact is necessary, too, in
+conversation. To converse with an entirely uneducated person upon
+literature, interlarding your remarks with quotations, is ill-bred. It
+places them in an awkward situation, and does not add to your
+popularity. In conversing with persons of refinement and intelligence,
+do not endeavor to attract their admiration by pouring forth every item
+of your own information upon the subject under consideration, but listen
+as well as talk, and modestly follow their lead. I do not mean, to
+assent to any opinion they may advance, if you really differ in your own
+tastes, but do not be _too_ ready to show your superior judgment or
+information. Avoid argument; it is not conversation, and frequently
+leads to ill feeling. If you are unfortunately drawn into an argument,
+keep your temper under perfect control, and if you find your adversary
+is getting too warm, endeavor to introduce some other topic.
+
+Avoid carefully any allusion to the age or personal defects of your
+companion, or any one who may be in the room, and be very careful in
+your language when speaking of a stranger to another person. I have
+heard a lady inquire of a gentleman, "who that frightful girl in blue
+could be," and receive the information that the lady in question was the
+gentleman's own sister.
+
+Be careful, when traveling, not to wound the feelings of your friends in
+another country or city, by underrating their native place, or
+attempting to prove the superiority of your own home over theirs.
+
+Very young girls are apt to suppose, from what they observe in older
+ones, that there is some particular manner to be put on, in talking to
+gentlemen, and, not knowing exactly what it is, they are embarrassed and
+reserved; others observe certain airs and looks, used by their elders in
+this intercourse, and try to imitate them, as a necessary part of
+company behaviours, and, so become affected, and lose that first of
+charms, simplicity, natural grace. To such, let me say, your companions
+are in error; it requires no peculiar manner, nothing to be put on, in
+order to converse with gentlemen, any more than with ladies; and the
+more pure and elevated your sentiments are, and the better cultivated
+your intellect is, the easier will you find it to converse pleasantly
+with all. One good rule can be always followed by young ladies; to
+converse with a lady friend as if there were gentlemen present, and to
+converse with a gentleman as if in the room with other ladies.
+
+Avoid affectation; it is the sure test of a deceitful, vulgar mind. The
+best cure is to try to have those virtues which you would affect, and
+then they will appear naturally.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+DRESS.
+
+
+"A lady is never so well dressed as when you cannot remember what she
+wears."
+
+No truer remark than the above was ever made. Such an effect can only be
+produced where every part of the dress harmonizes entirely with the
+other parts, where each color or shade suits the wearer's style
+completely, and where there is perfect neatness in each detail. One
+glaring color, or conspicuous article, would entirely mar the beauty of
+such a dress. It is, unfortunately, too much the custom in America to
+wear any article, or shape in make, that is fashionable, without any
+regard to the style of the person purchasing goods. If it is the fashion
+it must be worn, though it may greatly exaggerate a slight personal
+defect, or conceal or mar what would otherwise be a beauty. It requires
+the exercise of some judgment to decide how far an individual may follow
+the dictates of fashion, in order to avoid the appearance of
+eccentricity, and yet wear what is peculiarly becoming to her own face
+or figure. Another fault of our fair countrywomen is their extravagance
+in dress. No better advice can be given to a young person than to dress
+always according to her circumstances. She will be more respected with
+a simple wardrobe, if it is known either that she is dependent upon her
+own exertions for support, or is saving a husband or father from
+unnecessary outlay, than if she wore the most costly fabrics, and by so
+doing incurred debt or burdened her relatives with heavy, unwarrantable
+expense. If neatness, consistency, and good taste, preside over the
+wardrobe of a lady, expensive fabrics will not be needed; for with the
+simplest materials, harmony of color, accurate fitting to the figure,
+and perfect neatness, she will always appear well dressed.
+
+
+GENERAL RULES.
+
+NEATNESS--This is the first of all rules to be observed with regard to
+dress. Perfect cleanliness and careful adjustment of each article in the
+dress are indispensable in a finished toilet. Let the hair be always
+smooth and becomingly arranged, each article exquisitely clean, neat
+collar and sleeves, and tidy shoes and stockings, and the simplest dress
+will appear well, while a torn or soiled collar, rough hair, or untidy
+feet will entirely ruin the effect of the most costly and elaborate
+dress. The many articles required in a lady's wardrobe make a neat
+arrangement of her drawers and closets necessary, and also require care
+in selecting and keeping goods in proper order. A fine collar or lace,
+if tumbled or soiled, will lose its beauty when contrasted with the same
+article in the coarsest material perfectly pure and smooth. Each article
+of dress, when taken off, should be placed carefully and smoothly in its
+proper place. Nice dresses should be hung up by a loop on the inside of
+the waistband, with the skirts turned inside out, and the body turned
+inside of the skirt. Cloaks should hang in smooth folds from a loop on
+the inside of the neck. Shawls should be always folded in the creases in
+which they were purchased. All fine articles, lace, embroidery, and
+handkerchiefs, should be placed by themselves in a drawer, always laid
+out smoothly, and kept from dust. Furs should be kept in a box, alone,
+and in summer carefully packed, with a quantity of lump camphor to
+protect from moths. The bonnet should always rest upon a stand in the
+band-box, as the shape and trimming will both be injured by letting it
+lie either on the face, sides, or crown.
+
+ADAPTIVENESS--Let each dress worn by a lady be suitable to the occasion
+upon which she wears it. A toilet may be as offensive to good taste and
+propriety by being too elaborate, as by being slovenly. Never wear a
+dress which is out of place or out of season under the impression that
+"it will do for once," or "nobody will notice it." It is in as bad taste
+to receive your morning calls in an elaborate evening dress, as it would
+be to attend a ball in your morning wrapper.
+
+HARMONY--To appear well dressed without harmony, both in color and
+materials, is impossible. When arranging any dress, whether for home,
+street, or evening, be careful that each color harmonizes well with the
+rest, and let no one article, by its glaring costliness, make all the
+rest appear mean. A costly lace worn over a thin, flimsy silk, will only
+make the dress appear poorer, not, as some suppose, hide its defects. A
+rich trimming looks as badly upon a cheap dress, as a mean one does
+upon an expensive fabric. Observe this rule always in purchasing goods.
+One costly article will entirely ruin the harmony in a dress, which,
+without it, though plain and inexpensive, would be becoming and
+beautiful. Do not save on the dress or cloak to buy a more elaborate
+bonnet, but let the cost be well equalized and the effect will be good.
+A plain merino or dark silk, with a cloth cloak, will look much better
+than the most expensive velvet cloak over a cheap delaine dress.
+
+FASHION--Do not be too submissive to the dictates of fashion; at the
+same time avoid oddity or eccentricity in your dress. There are some
+persons who will follow, in defiance of taste and judgment, the fashion
+to its most extreme point; this is a sure mark of vulgarity. Every new
+style of dress will admit of adaptation to individual cases, thus
+producing a pleasing, as well as fashionable effect. Not only good
+taste, but health is often sacrificed to the silly error of dressing in
+the extreme of fashion. Be careful to have your dress comfortable and
+becoming, and let the prevailing mode come into secondary consideration;
+avoiding, always, the other extreme of oddity or eccentricity in
+costume.
+
+STYLE AND FORM OF DRESS--Be always careful when making up the various
+parts of your wardrobe, that each article fits you accurately. Not in
+the outside garments alone must this rule be followed, an ill-fitting
+pair of corsets, or wrinkles in any other article of the under-clothes,
+will make a dress set badly, even if it has been itself fitted with the
+utmost accuracy. A stocking which is too large, will make the boot
+uncomfortably tight, and too small will compress the foot, making the
+shoe loose and untidy. In a dress, no outlay upon the material will
+compensate for a badly fitting garment. A cheap calico made to fit the
+form accurately and easily, will give the wearer a more lady-like air
+than the richest silk which either wrinkles or is too tightly strained
+over the figure. Collars or sleeves, pinned over or tightly strained to
+meet, will entirely mar the effect of the prettiest dress.
+
+ECONOMY--And by economy I do not mean mere cheapness. To buy a poor,
+flimsy fabric merely because the price is low, is extravagance, not
+economy; still worse if you buy articles because they are offered cheap,
+when you have no use for them. In purchasing goods for the wardrobe, let
+each material be the best of its kind. The same amount of sewing that is
+put into a good material, must be put into a poor one, and, as the
+latter will very soon wash or wear out, there must be another one to
+supply its place, purchased and made up, when, by buying a good article
+at first, this time and labor might have been saved. A good, strong
+material will be found cheapest in the end, though the actual
+expenditure of money may be larger at first.
+
+COMFORT--Many ladies have to trace months of severe suffering to an
+improper disregard of comfort, in preparing their wardrobe, or in
+exposure after they are dressed. The most exquisite ball costume will
+never compensate for the injury done by tight lacing, the prettiest foot
+is dearly paid for by the pain a tight boot entails, and the most
+graceful effects will not prevent suffering from exposure to cold. A
+light ball dress and exquisite arrangement of the hair, too often make
+the wearer dare the inclemency of the coldest night, by wearing a light
+shawl or hood, to prevent crushing delicate lace or flowers. Make it a
+fixed rule to have the head, feet, and chest well protected when going
+to a party, even at the risk of a crushed flower or a stray curl. Many a
+fair head has been laid in a coffin, a victim to consumption, from
+rashly venturing out of a heated ball room, flushed and excited, with
+only a light protection against keen night air. The excitement of the
+occasion may prevent immediate discomfort in such cases, but it adds to
+the subsequent danger.
+
+DETAILS--Be careful always that the details of your dress are perfectly
+finished in every point. The small articles of a wardrobe require
+constant care to keep in perfect order, yet they will wofully revenge
+themselves if neglected. Let the collar, handkerchief, boots, gloves,
+and belts be always whole, neat, and adapted to the dress. A lace collar
+will look as badly over a chintz dress, as a linen one would with
+velvet, though each may be perfect of its kind. Attention to these minor
+points are sure tests of taste in a lady's dress. A shabby or ill
+fitting boot or glove will ruin the most elaborate walking dress, while
+one of much plainer make and coarser fabric will be becoming and
+lady-like, if all the details are accurately fitted, clean, and well put
+on. In arranging a dress for every occasion, be careful that there is no
+missing string, hook, or button, that the folds hang well, and that
+every part is even and properly adjusted. Let the skirts hang smoothly,
+the outside ones being always about an inch longer than the under ones;
+let the dress set smoothly, carefully hooked or buttoned; let the collar
+fit neatly, and be fastened firmly and smoothly at the throat; let
+shoes and stockings be whole, clean, and fit nicely; let the hair be
+smooth and glossy, the skin pure, and the colors and fabric of your
+dress harmonize and be suitable for the occasion, and you will always
+appear both lady-like and well-dressed.
+
+
+HOME DRESSES.
+
+MORNING DRESS--The most suitable dress for breakfast, is a wrapper made
+to fit the figure loosely, and the material, excepting when the winter
+weather requires woolen goods, should be of chintz, gingham, brilliante,
+or muslin. A lady who has children, or one accustomed to perform for
+herself light household duties, will soon find the advantage of wearing
+materials that will wash. A large apron of domestic gingham, which can
+be taken off, if the wearer is called to see unexpected visiters, will
+protect the front of the dress, and save washing the wrapper too
+frequently. If a lady's domestic duties require her attention for
+several hours in the morning, whilst her list of acquaintances is large,
+and she has frequent morning calls, it is best to dress for callers
+before breakfast, and wear over this dress a loose sack and skirt of
+domestic gingham. This, while protecting the dress perfectly, can be
+taken off at a moment's notice if callers are announced. Married ladies
+often wear a cap in the morning, and lately, young girls have adopted
+the fashion. It is much better to let the hair be perfectly smooth,
+requiring no cap, which is often worn to conceal the lazy, slovenly
+arrangement of the hair. A few moments given to making the hair smooth
+and presentable without any covering, will not be wasted. Slippers of
+embroidered cloth are prettiest with a wrapper, and in summer black
+morocco is the most suitable for the house in the morning.
+
+DRESS FOR MORNING VISITS--A lady should never receive her morning
+callers in a wrapper, unless they call at an unusually early hour, or
+some unexpected demand upon her time makes it impossible to change her
+dress after breakfast. On the other hand, an elaborate costume before
+dinner is in excessively bad taste. The dress should be made to fit the
+figure neatly, finished at the throat and wrists by an embroidered
+collar and cuffs, and, unless there is a necessity for it, in loss of
+the hair or age, there should be no cap or head dress worn. A wrapper
+made with handsome trimming, open over a pretty white skirt, may be worn
+with propriety; but the simple dress worn for breakfast, or in the
+exercise of domestic duties, is not suitable for the parlor when
+receiving visits of ceremony in the morning.
+
+EVENING DRESS--The home evening dress should be varied according to
+circumstances. If no visitor is expected, the dress worn in the morning
+is suitable for the evening; but to receive visitors, it should be of
+lighter material, and a light head-dress may be worn. For young ladies,
+at home, ribbon or velvet are the most suitable materials for a
+head-dress. Flowers, unless they be natural ones in summer, are in very
+bad taste, excepting in cases where a party of invited guests are
+expected. Dark silk in winter, and thin material in summer, make the
+most suitable dresses for evening, and the reception of the
+chance-guests ladies in society may usually expect.
+
+WALKING DRESSES--Walking dresses, to be in good taste, should be of
+quiet colors, and never conspicuous. Browns, modes, and neutral tints,
+with black and white, make the prettiest dresses for the street. Above
+all, avoid wearing several bright colors. One may be worn with perfect
+propriety to take off the sombre effect of a dress of brown or black,
+but do not let it be too glaring, and wear but little of it. Let the
+boots be sufficiently strong and thick to protect the feet from damp or
+dust, and wear always neat, clean, nicely fitting gloves. The entire
+effect of the most tasteful costume will be ruined if attention is not
+paid to the details of dress. A soiled bonnet cap, untidy strings, or
+torn gloves and collar will utterly spoil the prettiest costume. There
+is no surer mark of vulgarity than over dressing or gay dressing in the
+street. Let the materials be of the costliest kind, if you will, but do
+not either wear the exaggerations of the fashion, or conspicuous colors.
+Let good taste dictate the limits where fashion may rule, and let the
+colors harmonize well, and be of such tints as will not attract
+attention.
+
+FOR MORNING CALLS--The dress should be plain, and in winter furs and
+dark gloves may be worn.
+
+FOR BRIDAL CALLS--The dress should be of light silk, the bonnet dressy,
+and either a rich shawl or light cloak; no furs, and light gloves. In
+summer, a lace or silk mantle and white gloves should be worn.
+
+SHOPPING DRESSES--Should be of such material as will bear the crush of a
+crowded store without injury, and neither lace or delicate fabrics
+should ever be worn. A dress of merino in winter, with a cloth cloak
+and plain velvet or silk bonnet is the most suitable. In summer, a
+dress and cloak of plain mode-colored Lavella cloth, or any other cool
+but strong fabric, with a simply trimmed straw bonnet, is the best dress
+for a shopping excursion.
+
+STORM DRESSES--A lady who is obliged to go out frequently in bad
+weather, will find it both a convenience and economy to have a storm
+dress. Both dress and cloak should be made of a woolen material,
+(varying of course with the season,) which will shed water. White skirts
+are entirely out of place, as, if the dress is held up, they will be in
+a few moments disgracefully dirty. A woolen skirt, made quite short, to
+clear the muddy streets, is the proper thing. Stout, thick-soled boots,
+and gloves of either silk, beaver-cloth, or lisle thread, are the most
+suitable. The bonnet should be either of straw or felt, simply trimmed;
+and, above all, carry a _large_ umbrella. The little light umbrellas are
+very pretty, no doubt, but to be of any real protection in a storm, the
+umbrella should be large enough to protect the whole dress.
+
+MARKETING--Here a dress of the most inexpensive kind is the best. There
+is no surer mark of vulgarity, than a costly dress in the market. A
+chintz is the best skirt to wear, and in winter a dark chintz skirt put
+on over a delaine dress, will protect it from baskets, and the
+unavoidable soils contracted in a market, while it looks perfectly well,
+and can be washed if required.
+
+TRAVELING--Traveling dresses should be made always of some quiet color,
+perfectly plain, with a deep mantle or cloak of the same material. When
+traveling with a young babe, a dress of material that will wash is the
+best, but it should be dark and plain. A conspicuous traveling dress is
+in very bad taste, and jewelry or ornaments of any kind are entirely out
+of place. Let the dress be made of dark, plain material, with a simple
+straw or felt bonnet, trimmed with the same color as the dress, and a
+thick barege veil. An elastic string run through a tuck made in the
+middle of the veil, will allow one half to fall over the face, while the
+other half falls back, covering the bonnet, and protecting it from dust.
+If white collars and sleeves are worn, they should be of linen,
+perfectly plain. Strong boots and thick gloves are indispensable in
+traveling, and a heavy shawl should be carried, to meet any sudden
+change in the weather. Corsets and petticoats of dark linen are more
+suitable than white ones, as there is so much unavoidable dust and mud
+constantly meeting a traveler.
+
+EVENING DRESSES--Must be governed by the number of guests you may expect
+to meet, and the character of the entertainment to which you are
+invited. For small social companies, a dark silk in winter, and a pretty
+lawn, barege, or white muslin in summer, are the most appropriate. A
+light head-dress of ribbon or velvet, or a plain cap, are the most
+suitable with this dress. For a larger party, low-necked, short-sleeved
+silk, light colored, or any of the thin goods made expressly for evening
+wear, with kid gloves, either of a color to match the dress or of white;
+black lace mittens are admissible, and flowers in the hair. A ball dress
+should be made of either very dressy silk, or light, thin material made
+over silk. It should be trimmed with lace, flowers, or ribbon, and made
+dressy. The _coiffure_ should be elaborate, and match the dress, being
+either of ribbon, feather, or flowers. White kid gloves, trimmed to
+match the dress, and white or black satin slippers, with silk stockings,
+must be worn.
+
+MOURNING--There is such a variety of opinion upon the subject of
+mourning, that it is extremely difficult to lay down any general rules
+upon the subject. Some wear very close black for a long period, for a
+distant relative; whilst others will wear dressy mourning for a short
+time in a case of death in the immediate family. There is no rule either
+for the depth of mourning, or the time when it may be laid aside, and I
+must confine my remarks to the different degrees of mourning.
+
+For deep mourning, the dress should be of bombazine, Parramatta cloth,
+delaine, barege, or merino, made up over black lining. The only
+appropriate trimming is a deep fold, either of the same material or of
+crape. The shawl or cloak must be of plain black, without border or
+trimming, unless a fold of crape be put on the cloak; the bonnet should
+be of crape, made perfectly plain, with crape facings, unless the
+widow's cap be worn, and a deep crape veil should be thrown over both
+face and bonnet. Black crape collar and sleeves, and black boots and
+gloves. The next degree is to wear white collar and sleeves, a bow of
+crape upon the bonnet, and plain white lace facings, leaving off the
+crape veil, and substituting one of plain black net. A little later,
+black silk without any gloss, trimmed with crape, may be worn, and
+delaine or bombazine, with a trimming of broad, plain ribbon, or a bias
+fold of silk. The next stage admits a silk bonnet trimmed with crape,
+and lead color, dark purple, or white figures on the dress. From this
+the mourning passes into second mourning. Here a straw bonnet, trimmed
+with black ribbon or crape flowers, or a silk bonnet with black flowers
+on the outside, and white ones in the face, a black silk dress, and gray
+shawl or cloak, may be worn. Lead color, purple, lavender, and white,
+are all admissible in second mourning, and the dress may be lightened
+gradually, a white bonnet, shawl, and light purple or lavender dress,
+being the dress usually worn last, before the mourning is thrown aside
+entirely, and colors resumed. It is especially to be recommended to buy
+always the best materials when making up mourning. Crape and woolen
+goods of the finest quality are very expensive, but a cheaper article
+will wear miserably; there is no greater error in economy than
+purchasing cheap mourning, for no goods are so inferior, or wear out and
+grow rusty so soon.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+TRAVELING.
+
+
+There is no situation in which a lady is more exposed than when she
+travels, and there is no position where a dignified, lady-like
+deportment is more indispensable and more certain to command respect. If
+you travel under the escort of a gentleman, give him as little trouble
+as possible; at the same time, do not interfere with the arrangements he
+may make for your comfort. It is best, when starting upon your journey,
+to hand your escort a sufficient sum of money to cover all your
+expenses, retaining your pocket book in case you should wish to use it.
+Have a strong pocket made in your upper petticoat, and in that carry
+your money, only reserving in your dress pocket a small sum for
+incidental expenses. In your traveling satchel carry an oil skin bag,
+containing your sponge, tooth and nail brushes, and some soap; have also
+a calico bag, with hair brush and comb, some pins, hair pins, a small
+mirror, and some towels. In this satchel carry also some crackers, or
+sandwiches, if you will be long enough upon the road to need a luncheon.
+
+In your carpet bag, carry a large shawl, and if you will travel by
+night, or stop where it will be inconvenient to open your trunks, carry
+your night clothes, and what clean linen you may require, in the carpet
+bag. It is best to have your name and address engraved upon the plate of
+your carpet bag, and to sew a white card, with your name and the address
+to which you are traveling, in clear, plain letters upon it. If you
+carry a novel or any other reading, it is best to carry the book in your
+satchel, and not open the carpet bag until you are ready for the night.
+If you are to pass the night in the cars, carry a warm woolen or silk
+hood, that you may take off your bonnet at night. No one can sleep
+comfortably in a bonnet. Carry also, in this case, a large shawl to wrap
+round your feet.
+
+One rule to be always observed in traveling is punctuality. Rise early
+enough to have ample time for arranging everything needful for the day's
+journey. If you sleep upon the boat, or at a hotel, always give
+directions to the servant to waken you at an hour sufficiently early to
+allow ample time for preparation. It is better to be all ready twenty
+minutes too soon, than five minutes late, or even late enough to be
+annoyed and heated by hurrying at the last moment.
+
+A lady will always dress plainly when traveling. A gay dress, or finery
+of any sort, when in a boat, stage, or car, lays a woman open to the
+most severe misconstruction. Wear always neutral tints, and have the
+material made up plainly and substantially, but avoid carefully any
+article of dress that is glaring or conspicuous. Above all, never wear
+jewelry, (unless it be your watch,) or flowers; they are both in
+excessively bad taste. A quiet, unpretending dress, and dignified
+demeanor, will insure for a lady respect, though she travel alone from
+Maine to Florida.
+
+If you are obliged to pass the night upon a steamboat secure, if
+possible, a stateroom. You will find the luxury of being alone, able to
+retire and rise without witnesses, fully compensates for the extra
+charge. Before you retire, find out the position and number of the
+stateroom occupied by your escort, in case you wish to find him during
+the night. In times of terror, from accident or danger, such care will
+be found invaluable.
+
+You may not be able to obtain a stateroom upon all occasions when
+traveling, and must then sleep in the ladies' cabin. It is best, in this
+case, to take off the dress only, merely loosening the stays and skirts,
+and, unless you are sick, you may sit up to read until quite a late
+hour. Never allow your escort to accompany you into the cabin. The
+saloon is open always to both ladies and gentlemen, and the cabin is for
+ladies _alone_. Many ladies are sufficiently ill-bred to ask a husband
+or brother into the cabin, and keep him there talking for an hour or
+two, totally overlooking the fact that by so doing she may be keeping
+others, suffering, perhaps, with sickness, from removing their dresses
+to lie down. Such conduct is not only excessively ill-bred, but
+intensely selfish.
+
+There is scarcely any situation in which a lady can be placed, more
+admirably adapted to test her good breeding, than in the sleeping cabin
+of a steam-boat. If you are so unfortunate as to suffer from
+sea-sickness, your chances for usefulness are limited, and patient
+suffering your only resource. In this case, never leave home without a
+straw-covered bottle of brandy, and another of camphor, in your
+carpet-bag. If you are not sick, be very careful not to keep the
+chambermaid from those who are suffering; should you require her
+services, dismiss her as soon as possible. As acquaintances, formed
+during a journey, are not recognized afterwards, unless mutually
+agreeable, do not refuse either a pleasant word or any little offer of
+service from your companions; and, on the other hand, be ready to aid
+them, if in your power. In every case, selfishness is the root of all
+ill-breeding, and it is never more conspicuously displayed than in
+traveling. A courteous manner, and graceful offer of service are valued
+highly when offered, and the giver loses nothing by her civility.
+
+When in the car if you find the exertion of talking painful, say so
+frankly; your escort cannot be offended. Do not continually pester
+either your companion or the conductor with questions, such as "Where
+are we now?" "When shall we arrive?" If you are wearied, this impatience
+will only make the journey still more tedious. Try to occupy yourself
+with looking at the country through which you are passing, or with a
+book.
+
+If you are traveling without any escort, speak to the conductor before
+you start, requesting him to attend to you whilst in the car or boat
+under his control. Sit quietly in the cars when they reach the depot
+until the first bustle is over, and then engage a porter to procure for
+you a hack, and get your baggage. If upon a boat, let one of the
+servants perform this office, being careful to fee him for it. Make an
+engagement with the hackman, to take you only in his hack, and enquire
+his charge before starting. In this way you avoid unpleasant company
+during your drive, and overcharge at the end of it.
+
+If you expect a friend to meet you at the end of your journey, sit near
+the door of the steam-boat saloon, or in the ladies' room at the car
+depot, that he may find you easily.
+
+There are many little civilities which a true gentleman will offer to a
+lady traveling alone, which she may accept, even from an entire
+stranger, with perfect propriety; but, while careful to thank him
+courteously, whether you accept or decline his attentions, avoid any
+advance towards acquaintanceship. If he sits near you and seems disposed
+to be impertinent, or obtrusive in his attentions or conversation, lower
+your veil and turn from him, either looking from the window or reading.
+A dignified, modest reserve is the surest way to repel impertinence. If
+you find yourself, during your journey, in any awkward or embarrassing
+situation, you may, without impropriety, request the assistance of a
+gentleman, even a stranger, and he will, probably, perform the service
+requested, receive your thanks, and then relieve you of his presence.
+Never, upon any account, or under any provocation, return rudeness by
+rudeness. Nothing will rebuke incivility in another so surely as perfect
+courtesy in your own manner. Many will be shamed into apology, who would
+annoy you for hours, if you encouraged them by acts of rudeness on your
+own part.
+
+In traveling alone, choose, if possible, a seat next to another lady, or
+near an elderly gentleman. If your neighbor seems disposed to shorten
+the time by conversing, do not be too hasty in checking him. Such
+acquaintances end with the journey, and a lady can always so deport
+herself that she may beguile the time pleasantly, without, in the least,
+compromising her dignity.
+
+Any slight attention, or an apology made for crushing or incommoding
+you, is best acknowledged by a courteous bow, in silence.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+HOW TO BEHAVE AT A HOTEL.
+
+
+In America, where the mania for traveling extends through all classes,
+from the highest to the lowest, a few hints upon deportment at a hotel
+will not be amiss, and these hints are especially addressed to ladies
+traveling alone.
+
+When you arrive at the hotel, enquire at once for the proprietor. Tell
+him your name and address, and ask him to conduct you to a good room,
+naming the length of time you purpose occupying it. You may also request
+him to wait upon you to the table, and allot you a seat. As the hours
+for meals, at a large hotel, are very numerous, it is best to mention
+the time when you wish to breakfast, dine, or sup. If you stay more than
+one day at the hotel, do not tax the proprietor with the duty of
+escorting you to the table more than once. Request one of the waiters
+always to meet you as you enter, and wait upon you to your seat. This
+saves the embarrassment of crossing the room entirely unattended, while
+it shows others that you are a resident at the house. The waiter will
+then take your order for the dishes you wish. Give this order in a low
+tone, and do not harass the man by contradicting yourself several
+times; decide what you want before you ask for it, and then give your
+order quietly but distinctly. Use, always, the butter-knife, salt-spoon,
+and sugar-tongs, though you may be entirely alone in the use of them.
+The attention to the small details of table etiquette is one of the
+surest marks of good breeding. If any trifling civility is offered by
+the gentleman beside you, or opposite to you, thank him civilly, if you
+either accept or decline it. Thank the waiter for any extra attention he
+may offer.
+
+Remember that a lady-like deportment is always modest and quiet. If you
+meet a friend at table, and converse, let it be in a tone of voice
+sufficiently loud for him to hear, but not loud enough to reach ears for
+which the remarks are not intended. A boisterous, loud voice, loud
+laughter, and bold deportment, at a hotel, are sure signs of vulgar
+breeding.
+
+When you have finished your meal, cross the room quietly; if you go into
+the parlor, do not attract attention by a hasty entrance, or forward
+manner, but take the seat you may select, quietly.
+
+The acquaintances made in a hotel may be dropped afterwards, if
+desirable, without rudeness, and a pleasant greeting to other ladies
+whom you may recognize from meeting them in the entries or at table, is
+courteous and well-bred; be careful, however, not to force attentions
+where you see they are not agreeably received.
+
+A lady's dress, when alone at a hotel, should be of the most modest
+kind. At breakfast let her wear a close, morning dress, and never, even
+at supper, appear alone at the table with bare arms or neck. If she
+comes in late from the opera or a party, in full dress, she should not
+come into the supper-room, unless her escort accompanies her. A
+traveling or walking-dress can be worn with perfect propriety, at any
+meal at a hotel, as it is usually travelers who are the guests at the
+table.
+
+After breakfast, pass an hour or two in the parlor, unless you are going
+out, whilst the chambermaid puts your room in order. You should, before
+leaving the room, lock your trunk, and be careful not to leave money or
+trinkets lying about. When you go out, lock your door, and give the key
+to the servant to hand to the clerk of the office, who will give it to
+you when you return. You may do this, even if you leave the room in
+disorder, as the chambermaids all carry duplicate keys, and can easily
+enter your room in your absence to arrange it. The door should not be
+left open, as dishonest persons, passing along the entry, could enter
+without fear of being questioned.
+
+If you see that another lady, though she may be an entire stranger, is
+losing her collar, or needs attention called to any disorder in her
+dress, speak to her in a low tone, and offer to assist her in remedying
+the difficulty.
+
+Be careful always in opening a door or raising a window in a public
+parlor, that you are not incommoding any one else.
+
+Never sit down to the piano uninvited, unless you are alone in the
+parlor. Do not take any book you may find in the room away from it.
+
+It is best always to carry writing materials with you, but if this is
+not convenient, you can always obtain them at the office.
+
+In a strange city it is best to provide yourself with a small map and
+guide book, that you may be able to find your way from the hotel to any
+given point, without troubling any one for directions.
+
+If you wish for a carriage, ring, and let the waiter order one for you.
+
+When leaving a hotel, if you have been there for several days, give the
+waiter at table, and the chambermaid, a fee, as your unprotected
+situation will probably call for many services out of their regular
+routine of duties.
+
+On leaving, ring, order your bill, pay it, state the time at which you
+wish to leave, and the train you will take to leave the city. Request a
+man to be sent, to carry your baggage to the hack; and if you require
+your next meal at an unusual hour, to be ready for your journey, order
+it then.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+EVENING PARTIES.
+
+ETIQUETTE FOR THE HOSTESS.
+
+
+The most fashionable as well as pleasant way in the present day, to
+entertain guests, is to invite them to evening parties, which vary in
+size from the "company," "sociable," "soirée," to the party, _par
+excellence_, which is but one step from the ball.
+
+The entertainment upon such occasions, may vary with the taste of the
+hostess, or the caprice of her guests. Some prefer dancing, some music,
+some conversation. Small parties called together for dramatic or
+poetical readings, are now fashionable, and very delightful.
+
+In writing an invitation for a small party, it is kind, as well as
+polite, to specify the number of guests invited, that your friends may
+dress to suit the occasion. To be either too much, or too little dressed
+at such times is embarrassing.
+
+For large parties, the usual formula is:
+
+ _Miss S----'s compliments to Miss G----, and requests the
+ pleasure of her company for Wednesday, March 8th, at 8
+ o'clock._
+
+Such an invitation, addressed either to an intimate friend or mere
+acquaintance, will signify full dress.
+
+If your party is a musical soirée, or your friends meet for reading or
+conversation alone, say so in your invitation, as--
+
+ _Miss S---- requests the pleasure of Miss G----'s company, on
+ Thursday evening next, at 8 o'clock, to meet the members of
+ the musical club, to which Miss S---- belongs_;
+
+ or,
+
+ _Miss S---- expects a few friends, on Monday evening next, at
+ 8 o'clock, to take part in some dramatic readings, and would
+ be happy to have Miss G---- join the party._
+
+Always date your note of invitation, and put your address in one corner.
+
+Having dispatched these notes, the next step is to prepare to receive
+your guests. If the number invited is large, and you hire waiters, give
+them notice several days beforehand, and engage them to come in the
+morning. Give them full directions for the supper, appoint one to open
+the door, another to show the guests to the dressing rooms, and a third
+to wait in the gentlemen's dressing-room, to attend to them, if their
+services are required.
+
+If you use your own plate, glass, and china, show the waiters where to
+find them, as well as the table cloths, napkins, and other things they
+may require. If you hire the service from the confectioner's or
+restaurateur's where you order your supper, you have only to show your
+waiters where to spread supper, and tell them the hour.
+
+You will have to place at least four rooms at the disposal of your
+guests--the supper room, and two dressing-rooms, beside the
+drawing-room.
+
+In the morning, see that the fires in your rooms are in good order; and
+in the drawing-room, it is best to have it so arranged that the heat can
+be lessened towards evening, as the crowd, and dancing, will make it
+excessively uncomfortable if the rooms are too warm. See that the lights
+are in good order, and if you propose to have music instead of dancing,
+or to use your piano for dancing music, have it put in good tune in the
+morning. If you intend to dance, and do not wish to take up the carpets,
+you will find it economical, as well as much pleasanter, to cover them
+with coarse white muslin or linen; be sure it is fastened down smoothly,
+firmly, and drawn tightly over the carpets.
+
+Do not remove all the chairs from the parlor; or, if this is necessary,
+leave some in the hall, for those who wish to rest after dancing.
+
+In the dining-room, unless it will accommodate all your guests at once,
+have a silk cord so fastened that, when the room is full, it can be
+drawn across the door-way; those following the guests already in the
+room, will then return to the parlor, and wait their turn. A still
+better way, is to set the supper table twice, inviting the married and
+elderly people to go into the first table, and then, after it is ready
+for the second time, let the young folks go up.
+
+Two dressing-rooms must be ready; one for the ladies, and the other for
+the gentlemen. Have both these rooms comfortably heated, and well
+lighted. Nothing can be more disagreeable than cold, ill-lighted rooms
+to dress in, particularly if your guests come in half-frozen by the
+cold of a winter's night, or still worse, damp from a stormy one.
+
+Be sure that there is plenty of water, soap and towels on the washstand,
+two or three brushes and combs on the bureau, two mirrors, one large and
+one small, and a pin cushion, well filled with large and small pins.
+
+In the ladies' room, have one, or if your party is large, two women to
+wait upon your guests; to remove their cloaks, overshoes, and hoods, and
+assist them in smoothing their dresses or hair. After each guest removes
+her shawl and hood, let one of the maids roll all the things she lays
+aside into a bundle, and put it where she can easily find it. It is an
+admirable plan, and prevents much confusion, to pin to each bundle, a
+card, or strip of paper, (previously prepared,) with the name of the
+person to whom it belongs written clearly and distinctly upon it.
+
+Upon the bureau in the ladies' room, have a supply of hair-pins, and a
+workbox furnished with everything requisite to repair any accident that
+may happen to the dress of a guest. It is well, also, to have Eau de
+Cologne, hartshorn, and salts, in case of sudden faintness.
+
+In the gentlemen's room, place a clothes brush and boot-jack.
+
+It is best to send out your invitations by your own servant, or one
+hired for that purpose especially. It is ill-bred to send invitations
+either by the dispatch, or through the post-office; and besides being
+discourteous, you risk offending your friends, as these modes of
+delivery are proverbially uncertain.
+
+Be dressed and ready to receive your guests in good season, as some, in
+their desire to be punctual, may come before the time appointed. It is
+better to be ready too soon, than too late, as your guests will feel
+painfully embarrassed if you are not ready to receive them.
+
+For the early part of the evening, take a position in your parlor, near
+or opposite to the door, that each guest may find you easily. It is not
+necessary to remain all the evening nailed to this one spot, but stay
+near it until your guests have all or nearly all assembled. Late comers
+will of course expect to find you entertaining your guests.
+
+As each guest or party enter the room, advance a few steps to meet them,
+speaking first to the lady, or if there are several ladies, to the
+eldest, then to the younger ones, and finally to the gentlemen. If the
+new comers are acquainted with those already in the room, they will
+leave you, after a few words of greeting, to join their friends; but if
+they are strangers to the city, or making their first visit to your
+house, introduce them to a friend who is well acquainted in your circle,
+who will entertain them till you can again join them and introduce them
+to others.
+
+Do not leave the room during the evening. To see a hostess fidgeting,
+constantly going in and out, argues ill for her tact in arranging the
+house for company. With well-trained waiters, you need give yourself no
+uneasiness about the arrangements outside of the parlors.
+
+The perfection of good breeding in a hostess, is perfect ease of
+manner; for the time she should appear to have no thought or care beyond
+the pleasure of her guests.
+
+Have a waiter in the hall to open the front door, and another at the
+head of the first flight of stairs, to point out to the ladies and
+gentlemen their respective dressing-rooms.
+
+Never try to outshine your guests in dress. It is vulgar in the extreme.
+A hostess should be dressed as simply as is consistent with the
+occasion, wearing, if she will, the richest fabrics, exquisitely made,
+but avoiding any display of jewels or gay colors, such as will be,
+probably, more conspicuous than those worn by her guests.
+
+Remember, from the moment your first guest enters the parlor, you must
+forget yourself entirely to make the evening pleasant for others. Your
+duties will call you from one group to another, and require constant
+watchfulness that no one guest is slighted. Be careful that none of the
+company are left to mope alone from being unacquainted with other
+guests. Introduce gentlemen to ladies, and gentlemen to gentlemen,
+ladies to ladies.
+
+It requires much skill and tact to make a party for conversation only,
+go off pleasantly. You must invite only such guests as will mutually
+please, and you must be careful about introductions. If you have a
+literary lion upon your list, it is well to invite other lions to meet
+him or her, that the attention may not be constantly concentrated upon
+one person. Where you see a couple conversing slowly and wearily, stir
+them up with a few sprightly words, and introduce a new person, either
+to make a trio, or, as a substitute in the duet, carrying off the other
+one of the couple to find a more congenial companion elsewhere. Never
+interrupt an earnest or apparently interesting conversation. Neither
+party will thank you, even if you propose the most delightful
+substitute.
+
+If your party meet for reading, have a table with the books in the
+centre of the apartment, that will divide the room, those reading being
+on one side, the listeners on the other. Be careful here not to endeavor
+to shine above your guests, leaving to them the most prominent places,
+and taking, cheerfully, a subordinate place. On the other hand, if you
+are urged to display any talent you may possess in this way, remember
+your only desire is to please your guests, and if they are really
+desirous to listen to you, comply, gracefully and promptly, with their
+wishes.
+
+If you have dancing, and have not engaged a band, it is best to hire a
+pianist for the evening to play dancing music. You will find it
+exceedingly wearisome to play yourself all the evening, and it is
+ill-bred to ask any guest to play for others to dance. This victimizing
+of some obliging guest is only too common, but no true lady will ever be
+guilty of such rudeness. If there are several members of the family able
+and willing to play, let them divide this duty amongst them, or, if you
+wish to play yourself, do so. If any guest, in this case, offers to
+relieve you, accept their kindness for _one_ dance only. Young people,
+who enjoy dancing, but who also play well, will often stay on the
+piano-stool all the evening, because their own good-nature will not
+allow them to complain, and their hostess wilfully, or through
+negligence, permits the tax.
+
+See that your guests are well provided with partners, introducing every
+gentleman and lady who dances, to one who will dance well with them. Be
+careful that none sit still through your negligence in providing
+partners.
+
+Do not dance yourself, when, by so doing, you are preventing a guest
+from enjoying that pleasure. If a lady is wanted to make up a set, then
+dance, or if, late in the evening, you have but few lady dancers left,
+but do not interfere with the pleasure in others. If invited, say that
+you do not wish to take the place of a guest upon the floor, and
+introduce the gentleman who invites you to some lady friend who dances.
+
+It is very pleasant in a dancing party to have ices _alone_, handed
+round at about ten o'clock, having supper set two or three hours later.
+They are very refreshing, when it would be too early to have the more
+substantial supper announced.
+
+It is very customary now, even in large parties, to have no refreshments
+but ice-cream, lemonade, and cake, or, in summer, fruit, cake, and ices.
+It is less troublesome, as well as less expensive, than a hot supper,
+and the custom will be a good one to adopt permanently.
+
+One word of warning to all hostesses. You can never know, when you place
+wine or brandy before your guests, whom you may be tempting to utter
+ruin. Better, far better, to have a reputation as strict, or mean, than
+by your example, or the temptation you offer, to have the sin upon your
+soul of having put poison before those who partook of your hospitality.
+It is not necessary; hospitality and generosity do not require it, and
+you will have the approval of all who truly love you for your good
+qualities, if you resolutely refuse to have either wine or any other
+intoxicating liquor upon your supper-table.
+
+If the evening of your party is stormy, let a waiter stand in the
+vestibule with a _large_ umbrella, to meet the ladies at the carriage
+door, and protect them whilst crossing the pavement and steps.
+
+When your guests take leave of you, it will be in the drawing-room, and
+let that farewell be final. Do not accompany them to the dressing-room,
+and never stop them in the hall for a last word. Many ladies do not like
+to display their "sortie du soirée" before a crowded room, and you will
+be keeping their escort waiting. Say farewell in the parlor, and do not
+repeat it.
+
+If your party is mixed, that is, conversation, dancing, and music are
+all mingled, remember it is your place to invite a guest to sing or
+play, and be careful not to offend any amateur performers by forgetting
+to invite them to favor the company. If they decline, never urge the
+matter. If the refusal proceeds from unwillingness or inability on that
+occasion, it is rude to insist; and if they refuse for the sake of being
+urged, they will be justly punished by a disappointment. If you have
+guests who, performing badly, will expect an invitation to play,
+sacrifice their desire to the good of the others, pass them by. It is
+torture to listen to bad music.
+
+Do not ask a guest to sing or play more than once. This is her fair
+share, and you have no right to tax her too severely to entertain your
+other guests. If, however, the performance is so pleasing that others
+ask for a repetition, then you too may request it, thanking the
+performer for the pleasure given.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+EVENING PARTIES.
+
+ETIQUETTE FOR THE GUEST.
+
+
+Upon receiving an invitation for an evening party, answer it
+immediately, that your hostess may know for how many guests she must
+provide. If, after accepting an invitation, any unforeseen event
+prevents your keeping the engagement, write a second note, containing
+your regrets. The usual form is:--
+
+ _Miss G---- accepts with pleasure Miss S----'s polite
+ invitation for Monday next_;
+
+ or,
+
+ _Miss G---- regrets that a prior engagement will prevent her
+ accepting Miss S----'s kind invitation for Monday evening._
+
+Punctuality is a mark of politeness, if your invitation states the hour
+at which your hostess will be ready to welcome you. Do not be more than
+half an hour later than the time named, but if unavoidably detained,
+make no apology when you meet your hostess; it will be in bad taste to
+speak of your want of punctuality.
+
+When you arrive at your friend's house, do not stop to speak to any one
+in the hall, or upon the stairs, but go immediately to the dressing
+room. The gentleman who accompanies you will go to the door of the
+lady's room, leave you, to remove his own hat and over-coat, and then
+return to the door to wait for you.
+
+In the dressing-room, do not push forward to the mirror if you see that
+others are before you there. Wait for your turn, then perform the
+needful arrangements of your toilette quickly, and re-join your escort
+as soon as possible. If you meet friends in the lady's-room, do not stop
+there to chat; you keep your escort waiting, and your friends will join
+you in the parlor a few moments later.
+
+Avoid all confidential communications or private remarks in the
+dressing-room. You may be overheard, and give pain or cause annoyance by
+your untimely conversation.
+
+When you enter the parlor, go immediately to your hostess, and speak to
+her; if the gentleman attending you is a stranger to the lady of the
+house, introduce him, and then join the other guests, as by delaying, to
+converse too long with your hostess, you may prevent her speaking to
+others who have arrived later than yourself.
+
+If you have no escort, you may with perfect propriety send for the
+master of the house, to wait upon you from the dressing-room to the
+parlor, and as soon as you have spoken to the hostess, thank your host
+and release him, as the same attention may be required by others.
+Again, when alone, if you meet a friend in the dressing-room, you may
+ask the privilege of entering the parlor with her and her escort; or, if
+she also is alone, there is no impropriety in _two_ ladies going into
+the room unattended by a gentleman.
+
+While you maintain a cheerful deportment, avoid loud talking and
+laughing, and still more carefully avoid any action or gesture that may
+attract attention and make you conspicuous.
+
+When dressing for a party, while you show that you honor the occasion by
+a tasteful dress, avoid glaring colors, or any conspicuous ornament or
+style of costume.
+
+Avoid long tête-à-tête conversations; they are in bad taste, and to hold
+confidential communication, especially with gentlemen, is still worse.
+
+Do not make any display of affection for even your dearest friend;
+kissing in public, or embracing, are in bad taste. Walking with arms
+encircling waists, or such demonstrative tokens of love, are marks of
+low breeding.
+
+Avoid crossing the room alone, and never run, even if you feel
+embarrassed, and wish to cross quickly.
+
+If you are a musician, and certain that you will confer pleasure by a
+display of your talents, do not make a show of reluctance when invited
+to play or sing. Comply gracefully, and after one piece, leave the
+instrument. Be careful to avoid the appearance of wishing to be invited,
+and, above all, never hint that this would be agreeable. If your hostess
+has requested you to bring your notes, and you are dependent upon them,
+bring them, and quietly place them on the music stand, or, still
+better, send them in the afternoon. It is a better plan, if you are
+called upon frequently to contribute in this way to the evening's
+amusement, to learn a few pieces so as to play them perfectly well
+without notes.
+
+Never attempt any piece before company, unless you are certain that you
+can play it without mistake or hesitation. When you have finished your
+song or piece, rise instantly from the piano stool, as your hostess may
+wish to invite another guest to take the place. If you have a reason for
+declining to play, do so decidedly when first invited, and do not change
+your decision.
+
+If your hostess or any of the family play for the guests to dance, it is
+both polite and kind to offer to relieve them; and if truly polite
+themselves, they will not take advantage of the offer, to _over_ tax
+your good nature.
+
+When others are playing or singing, listen quietly and attentively; to
+laugh or talk loudly when there is music in the room, is rude, both
+toward the performer and your hostess. If you are conversing at the time
+the music begins, and you find that your companion is not disposed to
+listen to the performer at the harp or piano, converse in a low tone,
+and take a position at some distance from the instrument.
+
+If the rooms are not large enough for all the guests to dance at one
+time, do not dance every set, even if invited. It is ill-bred and
+selfish.
+
+When you go up to supper, do not accept anything from any gentleman but
+the one who has escorted you from the parlor. If others offer you, as
+they probably will, any refreshment, say that Mr. ---- (naming your
+escort) has gone to get you what you desire. He has a right to be
+offended, if, after telling him what you wish for, he returns to find
+you already supplied. It is quite as rude to offer what he brings to
+another lady. Her escort is probably on the same errand from which yours
+has just returned. It may seem trivial and childish to warn a lady
+against putting cakes or bon-bons in her pocket at supper, yet it is
+often done by those who would deeply resent the accusation of rudeness
+or meanness. It is not only ill-bred, but it gives rise, if seen, to
+suspicions that you are so little accustomed to society, or so starved
+at home, that you are ignorant of the forms of etiquette, or are forced
+to the theft by positive hunger.
+
+If you are obliged to leave the company at an earlier hour than the
+other guests, say so to your hostess in a low tone, when you have an
+opportunity, and then stay a short time in the room, and slip out
+unperceived. By a formal leave-taking, you may lead others to suppose
+the hour later than it is in reality, and thus deprive your hostess of
+other guests, who, but for your example, would have remained longer.
+French leave is preferable to a formal leave-taking upon such occasions.
+
+If you remain until the usual hour for breaking up, go to your hostess
+before you leave the room, express the pleasure you have enjoyed, and
+bid her farewell.
+
+Within the next week, you should call upon your hostess, if it is the
+first party you have attended at her house. If she is an intimate
+friend, the call should be made within a fortnight.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+VISITING.
+
+ETIQUETTE FOR THE HOSTESS.
+
+
+When you write to invite a friend to visit you, name a time when it will
+be convenient and agreeable for you to receive her, and if she accepts
+your invitation, so arrange your duties and engagements that they will
+not interfere with your devoting the principal part of your time to the
+entertainment of your guest. If you have certain duties which must be
+performed daily, say so frankly when she first arrives, and see that
+during the time you are so occupied she has work, reading, music, or
+some other employment, to pass the time away pleasantly.
+
+Have a room prepared especially for her use, and let her occupy it
+alone. Many persons have a dislike to any one sleeping with them, and
+will be kept awake by a companion in the room or bed. Above all, do not
+put a child to sleep in the chamber with your guest.
+
+The day before your friend arrives, have her room swept, dusted, and
+aired; put clean, fresh linen upon the bed, see that the curtains are in
+good order, the locks in perfect repair, and the closet or wardrobe and
+bureau empty for her clothes. Have upon the bureau a pin cushion well
+filled, hair pins, brush and comb, and two mirrors, one large, and one
+small for the hand, as she may wish to smooth her hair, without
+unpacking her own toilet articles. Upon the washstand, have two pitchers
+full of water, a cup, tumbler, soap-dish and soap, basin, brush-dish,
+and a sponge, wash rag, and plenty of clean towels.
+
+Have both a feather bed and a mattress upon the bedstead, that she may
+place whichever she prefers uppermost. Two sheets, a blanket, quilt, and
+counterpane, should be on the bed, and there should be two extra
+blankets in the room, should she require more covering in the night.
+
+On the mantel piece, place a few books that she may read, if she wishes,
+before sleeping. Have upon the mantel piece a box of matches, and if the
+room is not lighted by gas, have also a supply of candles in a box, and
+a candlestick.
+
+If the room is not heated by a furnace, be careful that the fire is made
+every morning before she rises, and keep a good supply of fuel in the
+room.
+
+Besides the larger chairs, have a low one, to use while changing the
+shoes or washing the feet.
+
+Upon the table, place a full supply of writing materials, as your guest
+may wish to send word of her safe arrival before unpacking her own
+writing-desk. Put two or three postage stamps upon this table.
+
+Be sure that bells, locks, hinges, and windows, are all in perfect
+order.
+
+Before your guest arrives, go to her room. If it is in winter, have a
+good fire, hot water on the washstand, and see that the windows are
+tightly closed, and the room cheerful with sunshine, or plenty of candle
+or gas light. If in summer, draw the curtains, bow the shutters, open
+the windows, and have a fan upon the table. It is well to have a bath
+ready, should your guest desire that refreshment after the dust and heat
+of traveling.
+
+When the time arrives at which you may expect your guest, send a
+carriage to the station to meet her, and, if possible, go yourself, or
+send some member of the family to welcome her there. After her baggage
+is on the carriage, drive immediately to the house, and be certain all
+is ready there for her comfort.
+
+As soon as she is at your house, have her trunks carried immediately to
+her own room, and lead her there yourself. Then, after warmly assuring
+her how welcome she is, leave her alone to change her dress, bathe, or
+lie down if she wishes. If her journey has been a long one, and it is
+not the usual hour for your next meal, have a substantial repast ready
+for her about half an hour after her arrival, with tea or coffee.
+
+If she arrives late at night, after she has removed her bonnet and
+bathed her face, invite her to partake of a substantial supper, and then
+pity her weariness and lead the way to her room. She may politely assert
+that she can still sit up and talk, but be careful you do not keep her
+up too long; and do not waken her in the morning. After the first day,
+she will, of course, desire to breakfast at your usual hour, but if she
+has had a long, fatiguing journey, she will be glad to sleep late the
+first day. Be careful that she has a hot breakfast ready when she does
+rise, and take a seat at the table to wait upon her.
+
+After the chambermaid has arranged the guest-chamber in the morning, go
+in yourself and see that all is in order, and comfortable, and that
+there is plenty of fresh water and towels, the bed properly made, and
+the room dusted. Then do not go in again through the day, unless
+invited. If you are constantly running in, to put a chair back, open or
+shut the windows, or arrange the furniture, you will entirely destroy
+the pleasantest part of your guest's visit, by reminding her that she is
+not at home, and must not take liberties, even in her own room. It
+looks, too, as if you were afraid to trust her, and thought she would
+injure the furniture.
+
+If you have children, forbid them to enter the room your friend
+occupies, unless she invites them to do so, or they are sent there with
+a message.
+
+If your household duties will occupy your time for some hours in the
+morning, introduce your guest to the piano, book-case, or picture-folio,
+and place all at her service. When your duties are finished, either join
+her in her own room, or invite her to sit with you, and work, chatting,
+meanwhile, together. If you keep your own carriage, place it at her
+disposal as soon as she arrives.
+
+If she is a stranger in the city, accompany her to the points of
+interest she may wish to visit, and also offer to show her where to find
+the best goods, should she wish to do any shopping.
+
+Enquire of your visitor if there is any particular habit she may wish to
+indulge in, such as rising late, retiring early, lying down in the
+daytime, or any other habit that your family do not usually follow. If
+there is, arrange it so that she may enjoy her peculiarity in comfort.
+If there is any dish which is distasteful to her, avoid placing it upon
+the table during her visit, and if she mentions, in conversation, any
+favorite dish, have it frequently placed before her.
+
+If she is accustomed to eat just before retiring, and your family do not
+take supper, see that something is sent to her room every night.
+
+If your friend has intimate friends in the same city, beside yourself,
+it is an act of kindly courtesy to invite them to dinner, tea, or to
+pass a day, and when calls are made, and you see that it would be
+pleasant, invite the caller to remain to dinner or tea.
+
+Never accept any invitation, either to a party, ball, or public
+entertainment, that does not include your guest. In answering the
+invitation give that as your reason for declining, when another note
+will be sent enclosing an invitation for her. If the invitation is from
+an intimate friend, say, in answering it, that your guest is with you,
+and that she will accompany you.
+
+It is a mistaken idea to suppose that hospitality and courtesy require
+_constant_ attention to a guest. There are times when she may prefer to
+be alone, either to write letters, to read, or practice. Some ladies
+follow a guest from one room to another, never leaving them alone for a
+single instant, when they would enjoy an hour or two in the library or
+at the piano, but do not like to say so.
+
+The best rule is to make your guest feel that she is heartily welcome,
+and perfectly at home.
+
+When she is ready to leave you, see that her trunks are strapped in time
+by the servants, have a carriage ready to take her to the station, have
+the breakfast or dinner at an hour that will suit her, prepare a
+luncheon for her to carry, and let some gentleman in the family escort
+her to the wharf, check her trunks, and procure her tickets.
+
+If your guest is in mourning, decline any invitations to parties or
+places of amusement whilst she is with you. Show her by such little
+attentions that you sympathize in her recent affliction, and that the
+pleasure of her society, and the love you bear her, make such sacrifices
+of gayety trifling, compared with the sweet duty of comforting her.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+VISITING.
+
+ETIQUETTE FOR THE GUEST.
+
+
+As a first rule with regard to paying a visit, the best one is, never to
+accept a _general_ invitation. Instances are very common where women (I
+cannot say _ladies_) have, upon a slight acquaintance, and a "When you
+are in C---- I should be very happy to have you visit me," actually gone
+to C---- from their own home, and, with bag and baggage, quartered
+themselves upon the hospitality of their newly made friend, for weeks at
+a time.
+
+Even where there is a long standing friendship it is not well to visit
+uninvited. It is impossible for you, in another city, to know exactly
+when it will be convenient for your friend to have you visit her, unless
+she tells you, and that will, of course, be a special invitation.
+
+If your friends are really desirous to have you pay them a visit, they
+will name a time when it will be convenient and agreeable to have you
+come, and you may accept the invitation with the certainty that you will
+not incommode them.
+
+Self-proposed visits are still worse. You, in a manner, force an
+invitation from your friend when you tell her that you can come at a
+certain time, unless you have previously arranged to let her know when
+you can be her guest. In that case, your own time is understood to be
+the most agreeable for her.
+
+If, whilst traveling, you pass through a town where you have friends
+whom you wish to visit, and who would be hurt if you omitted to do so,
+go first to a hotel, and either call or send word that you are there.
+Then, it is optional with them to extend their hospitality or not. Do
+not be offended if it is not done. The love for you may be undiminished,
+and the desire to entertain you very great, yet family reasons may
+render such an invitation as you expect, impossible. Your friend may
+have engagements or duties at the time, that would prevent her making
+the visit pleasant for you, and wish to postpone the invitation until
+she can entertain you as she wishes.
+
+To drive, trunks and all, in such a case, to your friend's house,
+without a word of warning, is unkind, as well as ill-bred. You force her
+to invite you to stay, when it may be inconvenient, and, even if she is
+really glad to see you, and wishes you to make a prolonged visit, you
+may feel certain she would have preferred to know you were coming. If
+she really loves you, her natural desire would be to have everything
+ready to give you a comfortable reception, and not have to leave you,
+perhaps with your traveling costume on, for an hour or two, while she
+prepares a room for you. It is not enough to say, at such a time, "Don't
+mind me," or, "Treat me as one of the family." However much her
+politeness or love may conceal annoyance, be sure, in her secret heart
+she _does_ mind you, and remember you are _not_ one of her private
+family.
+
+To take the liberty of going to the house of a mere acquaintance, for a
+night or two, while traveling, without invitation, is making a
+convenience of them, and wears the appearance of wishing to save the
+customary hotel-bill, so, while it is extremely ill-bred and
+impertinent, it is also excessively mean.
+
+In case of relationship, or long intimate friendship, an unexpected
+visit may be pardoned and give pleasure, but it is better to avoid it,
+as the pleasure will surely be increased if your relative or friend has
+time to prepare for your reception as her love will prompt, and arrange
+her duties and engagements to really enjoy your company.
+
+When you receive an invitation by letter to visit a friend, answer it
+immediately, thanking her for her proffered hospitality, and say
+decidedly then whether you can accept or decline.
+
+If you accept the invitation, state in your letter by what train, and at
+what hour you will arrive, that she may meet you, and let nothing but
+positive necessity keep you from being punctually at the time and place
+appointed. To linger by the way, for mere pleasure, and make her come
+several times to meet you, is unkind, as well as ill-bred. If you are
+unavoidably detained, write to her, state the reason that will prevent
+your keeping the appointment, and name another time when you can come.
+
+It is well in answering a letter of invitation, to state the limits of
+your visit, and then to keep them. If she is unwilling to let you go,
+and you are tempted to stay, that very fact promises well for the
+pleasure of a second visit. It is better to leave while all will regret
+you, than to linger on until you have worn out your welcome.
+
+Inquire, as soon as possible after your arrival, what are the regular
+habits of the family; the hours for rising, for meals, and for retiring,
+and then be punctual in your attendance. Many ladies are very
+ceremonious about waiting for a guest, and by delay in your room, or
+inattention to the time, when you are out, you will keep the whole
+family waiting.
+
+If you do not wake early enough for the usual breakfast hour, request
+the chambermaid to knock at your door in time for you to be ready to go
+down with the family. Before you leave your room in the morning, take
+the clothes off your bed, throw the upper bed over the foot-board, and
+then open all the windows (unless it storms), that room and bed may be
+thoroughly aired before you sit there again.
+
+After breakfast, ask your hostess if you can be of any assistance to her
+in the household duties. If she declines your services, do not follow
+her from room to room whilst she is thus engaged, but take your work,
+books, or music to the sitting room or parlor, until your own room is
+ready for you. By thus proving that you can occupy yourself pleasantly,
+while she is away, you make it less annoying to her to feel the
+obligation to leave you.
+
+As soon as you see that she is ready to sew and chat, leave your book,
+or, if in your own room, come to the sitting room, where she is, and
+work with her. It is polite and kind, if you see that she has a large
+supply of family sewing, to offer to assist her, but if she positively
+declines your aid, then have some work of your own on hand, that you may
+sew with her. Many pleasant mornings may be spent while visiting, by one
+lady reading aloud whilst the other sews, alternating the work.
+
+It is a pretty compliment to repay the hospitality of your hostess, by
+working whilst with her upon some piece of fancy work, a chair cover,
+sofa cushion, or pair of ottomans, presenting them to her when finished,
+as a keepsake. They will be duly appreciated, and remind her constantly
+of the pleasures of your visit.
+
+If you pass the morning out of the house, remember your time is hers,
+and have no engagement to interfere with the plans she has laid for
+entertaining you. Observe this rule during your whole visit, and do not
+act independent of her plans. By constantly forming engagements without
+her knowledge, going out without her, or staying in when she has made
+some excursion or party for your pleasure, you insult her, by intimating
+that her house is no more to you than a hotel, to sleep and eat in,
+while your pleasures lie elsewhere.
+
+After dinner, retire for an hour to your own room, that your hostess may
+lie down if she is accustomed to do so. If the hours kept are later than
+you have been accustomed to, or if the gayety of the family keeps you
+out at party or opera, it is best to sleep after dinner, even if you do
+not always do it. To give signs of weariness in the evening will be
+excessively rude, implying want of enjoyment, and making your hostess
+feel hurt and annoyed.
+
+If you have shopping to do, find out where the best stores are, and then
+go to them alone, unless your hostess will accompany you upon similar
+business of her own. Do not tax her good nature to go, merely for the
+sake of aiding you as guide. If one of the children in the family is
+familiar with the stores and streets, ask her to accompany you, and be
+careful to acknowledge the kindness by buying something especially for
+the child whilst she is out with you, if it is only some cakes or
+bonbons. Choose an hour when you are certain your hostess has made no
+other engagement for you, or while she is busy in her domestic duties,
+for these shopping excursions. Offer, when you are going, to attend to
+any shopping she may want, and ask if there is any commission you can
+execute for her while you are out.
+
+While on a visit to one friend, do not accept too many invitations from
+others, and avoid spending too much time in paying calls where your
+hostess is not acquainted. You owe the greater portion of your time and
+society to the lady whose hospitality you are accepting, and it is best
+to decline invitations from other houses, unless they inclose one for
+your hostess also.
+
+Avoid paying any visits in a family not upon good terms with your
+hostess. If such a family are very dear friends of your own, or you can
+claim an acquaintance, pleasant upon both sides, with them, write, and
+state candidly the reason why you cannot visit them, and they will
+appreciate your delicacy.
+
+If, while on a visit to one friend, you receive an invitation to spend
+some time with another friend in the same place, accept it for the
+period which you have named as the termination of your first visit. You
+insult your hostess by shortening your visit to her to accept another
+invitation, and quite as much of an insult is it, to take the time from
+the first visit to go to pay another, and then return to your first
+hostess, unless such an arrangement has been made immediately upon your
+arrival.
+
+Never invite any friend who may call upon you to stay to dinner or tea;
+you will be taking a most unwarrantable liberty in so doing. This is the
+right of your hostess, and if, by her silence, she tacitly declines
+extending this courtesy, you will be guilty of impertinence in usurping
+her privilege.
+
+Never take any one who calls upon you into any room but the parlor,
+unless invited to do so by your hostess. You have, of course, the
+_entrée_ of other rooms, but you have no right to extend this privilege
+to others.
+
+If you have many gentlemen visiters, check too frequent calls, and make
+no appointments with them. If they show you any such attention as to
+offer to drive you to places of interest, or visit with you picture
+galleries or public places, always consult your hostess before accepting
+such civilities, and decline them if she has made other engagements for
+you. If you receive an invitation to visit any place of public
+amusement, decline it, unless one of the family with whom you are
+staying is also invited. In that case you may accept. If the gentleman
+who invites you is a stranger to the family, introduce him to your
+hostess, or mention her name in conversation. He will then, if he
+really desires you to accept his proffered attention, include her in the
+invitation.
+
+When visiting in a family where the members are in mourning, decline all
+invitations to parties or places of public amusement. It is an insult to
+them to leave them to join in pleasure from which their recent
+affliction excludes them. Your visit at such a time will be prompted by
+sympathy in their trouble, and for the time it is thoughtful and
+delicate to make their sorrows yours.
+
+If sudden sickness or family trouble come to your friend whilst you are
+with her, _unless you can really be useful_, shorten your visit. In time
+of trouble families generally like to be alone, all in all to each
+other; and a visitor is felt a constant restraint.
+
+If death comes while you are with your friend, endeavor to take from her
+as much of the care as you can, a really sympathizing friend is an
+inexpressible comfort at such a time, as the trying details which must
+be taken in charge by some one, will be less trying to her than to a
+member of the family. Do the necessary shopping for your friend, and
+relieve her of as much family care as you can. Let her feel that you are
+really glad that you are near her in her affliction, and repay the
+hospitality she offered in her season of joy by showing her that her
+sorrow makes her still more dear, and that, while you can enjoy the
+gayety of her house, you will not flee from its mourning. When your
+presence can be of no further service, then leave her.
+
+Put out your washing and ironing when on a visit. It is annoying and
+ill-bred to throw your soiled clothes into the family wash.
+
+Take with you, from home, all the writing and sewing materials you may
+require while paying your visit. It is annoying to be constantly
+requested by a visitor to lend her scissors, pins, needles, or paper; no
+lady should be without her own portfolio and work-box.
+
+Be very careful not to injure any article of furniture in your sleeping
+apartment, and if, unfortunately, anything suffers from your
+carelessness, have the accident repaired, or the article replaced, at
+your own expense.
+
+When your visit is over, give a present to each of the servants, varying
+its value, according to the length of your visit or the services you may
+have required. You will add to the pleasure by presenting such gifts
+yourself, with a few pleasant words.
+
+Never compare the house you may be visiting with your own, or any other
+you may visit. Avoid also speaking of any house where you may have been
+a guest in terms of overpraise, giving glowing pictures of its splendor.
+Your hostess may imagine you are drawing comparisons unfavorable to your
+present residence. Also avoid speaking unfavorably of any former visit,
+as your hostess will naturally conclude that her turn for censure will
+come as soon as your visit is over.
+
+If any family secret comes to your knowledge while you are on a visit in
+that family, remember the hospitality extended to you binds you to the
+most inviolable secrecy. It is mean, contemptible, rude, and ill-bred to
+make your entertainers regret their hospitality by betraying any such
+confidence; for it is as sacred a confidence as if you were bound over
+to silence in the most solemn manner.
+
+After paying a visit, you should write to your hostess as soon as you
+reach home again; thank her in this letter for her hospitality, speak
+warmly of the enjoyment you have had in your recent visit, and mention
+by name every member of the family, desiring to be remembered to all.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+MORNING RECEPTIONS OR CALLS.
+
+ETIQUETTE FOR THE HOSTESS.
+
+
+If your circle of visiting acquaintance is very large, while at the same
+time your time is fully occupied, or your home duties make it
+inconvenient to dress every morning to receive visitors, it is a good
+plan to set aside one morning in the week for a reception day.
+
+Upon your own visiting cards, below the name, put the day when it will
+be proper to return the visit, thus:
+
+ MRS. JAMES HUNTER.
+
+ AT HOME WEDNESDAYS.
+
+ _No. 1718 C---- st._
+
+Your friends will, unless there is some especial reason for a call in
+the interval, pay their visit upon the day named.
+
+Let nothing, but the most imperative duty, call you out upon your
+reception day. Your callers are, in a measure, invited guests, and it
+will be an insulting mark of rudeness to be out when they call. Neither
+can you be excused, except in case of sickness.
+
+Having appointed the day when you will be at home to see your friends,
+you must, for that day, prepare to give your time wholly to them. The
+usual hours for morning receptions are from twelve to three, and you
+should be dressed, and ready for callers, at least half an hour before
+that time.
+
+To come in, flushed from a hurried toilette, to meet your first callers,
+is unbecoming as well as rude.
+
+Your dress should be handsome, but not showy. A silk or cashmere
+wrapper, richly trimmed, over an embroidered skirt, with a pretty cap,
+or the hair neatly arranged without head-dress, is a becoming and
+appropriate dress. Still better is a rich but plain silk, made high in
+the neck, with long sleeves. Wear a handsomely embroidered, or lace
+collar, and sleeves, and a rather dressy cap, or, still better, the hair
+alone, prettily arranged.
+
+As each visitor arrives, rise, and advance part of the way to meet her.
+If gentlemen, rise, but do not advance.
+
+It is not customary now to introduce callers at these morning
+receptions, though you can do so with perfect propriety where you know
+such an introduction will be agreeable to both parties.
+
+In introducing a gentleman to a lady, address her first, as--
+
+"Miss Jones, permit me to introduce Mr. Lee;" and, when introducing a
+young lady to a matron, you introduce the younger one to the elder, as--
+
+"Mrs. Green, allow me to introduce to you my friend, Miss Brown."
+
+In introducing strangers in the city it is well to name the place of
+their residence, as--Mr. James of Germany, or, Mr. Brown of New York,
+or, if they have recently returned from abroad, it is well to say so,
+as, Mr. Lee, lately from India; this is useful in starting conversation.
+
+Be careful, when introducing your friends, to pronounce the name of each
+one clearly and distinctly, that there may be no mistake or necessity
+for repetition.
+
+It is a good plan, if your receptions are usually largely attended, to
+have books and pictures on the centre table, and scattered about your
+parlors. You must, of course, converse with each caller, but many will
+remain in the room for a long time, and these trifles are excellent
+pastime, and serve as subjects for conversation.
+
+It requires much tact to know when to introduce friends, when to take
+refuge under the shield fashion offers, and not make them acquainted
+with each other. It is a positive cruelty to force a talented, witty
+person, to converse with one who is ignorant and dull, as they will, of
+course, be obliged to do, if introduced.
+
+A well-bred lady, who is receiving several visitors at a time, pays
+equal attention to all, and attempts, as much as possible, to generalize
+the conversation, turning to all in succession. The last arrival,
+however, receives a little more attention at first, than the others.
+
+If it is not agreeable to you to set aside a day for the especial
+reception of callers, and you have a large circle of acquaintances, be
+ready to receive them each day that you are at home.
+
+If you are engaged, let the servant say so when she opens the door, and
+do not send down that message after your friend has been admitted. If
+she is told when she arrives that you are engaged, she will understand
+that you are denied to _all_ callers, but if that message comes after
+she has sent up her card, she may draw the inference that you will not
+see _her_, though you may see other friends.
+
+Never keep a caller waiting whilst you make an elaborate toilette. If
+you are not ready for visitors, it is best to enter the parlor in your
+wrapper, apologizing for it, than to keep your friend waiting whilst you
+change your dress.
+
+If a stranger calls, bringing a letter of introduction, and sends the
+letter, you may read it before going down stairs, but if they wait till
+you are in the parlor before presenting the letter, merely glance at the
+signature and at the name of your caller; do not read the letter
+through, unless it is very short, or you are requested by the bearer to
+do so.
+
+If you have a friend staying with you, invite her to join you in the
+parlor when you have callers, and introduce her to your friends.
+
+If you wish to invite a caller to stay to luncheon or dinner, give the
+invitation as soon as you have exchanged greetings, not after she has
+been seated for some time. In the latter case it appears like an after
+thought, not, as in the former, as if from a real desire to have the
+pleasure of her company.
+
+If you have but one caller at a time, rise when she does, and accompany
+her to the vestibule; but, if there are several in the room, rise when
+each one does, but only accompany them to the parlor door; there take
+leave of them, and return to those who still remain seated.
+
+If, after affliction, your friends call before you are able to see them,
+do not fear to give offence by declining to receive them. They will
+respect your sorrow, and the call is made more to show their sympathy
+than from a desire to converse with you.
+
+Visits of condolence, paid between the death of one of your family and
+the day of the funeral, you may always excuse yourself from, with
+perfect propriety. They are made in kindness, and show interest, but if
+you decline seeing such callers, there is no offence given.
+
+In parting from a gentleman caller, rise when he does, and remain
+standing until he leaves the room, but do not go towards the door.
+
+When a gentleman calls in the morning he will not remove his outside
+coat, and will hold his hat in his hand. Never offer to take the latter,
+and do not invite him to remove his coat. Take no notice of either one
+or the other.
+
+If strangers in the city call upon you, enquire at what hotel they are
+staying, and how long they will be there, that you may return their call
+before they leave town.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+MORNING RECEPTIONS OR CALLS.
+
+ETIQUETTE FOR THE CALLER.
+
+
+The usual hours for paying morning calls are between eleven and two, or
+twelve and three, and all calls of ceremony should be made between these
+hours.
+
+Never, in paying a ceremonious call, stay more than twenty minutes, or
+less than ten. If your hostess has several other visitors at the same
+time that you are in her parlor, make your visit short, that she may
+have more attention to bestow upon others.
+
+After you have received an invitation to a party, call within a week or
+fortnight after the evening, whether you have accepted or declined the
+invitation. If you have declined on account of mourning, the excuse
+extends also to the call.
+
+When the servant answers your ring, hand in your card. If your friend is
+out or engaged, leave the card, and if she is in, send it up. Never call
+without cards. You may offend your friend, as she may never hear of your
+call, if she is out at the time, and you trust to the memory of the
+servant.
+
+If your friend is at home, after sending your card up to her by the
+servant, go into the parlor to wait for her. Sit down quietly, and do
+not leave your seat until you rise to meet her as she enters the room.
+To walk about the parlor, examining the ornaments and pictures, is
+ill-bred. It is still more unlady-like to sit down and turn over to read
+the cards in her card basket. If she keeps you waiting for a long time,
+you may take a book from the centre-table to pass away the interval.
+
+Never, while waiting in a friend's parlor, go to the piano and play till
+she comes. This is a breach of good-breeding often committed, and
+nothing can be more ill-bred. You may be disturbing an invalid unawares,
+or you may prevent your friend, if she has children, from coming down
+stairs at all, by waking the baby.
+
+If you are a stranger in the city, and bring a letter of introduction to
+your hostess, send this letter up stairs with your card, that she may
+read it, and know how to welcome you when she comes down stairs. In this
+case, write upon the card the name of the hotel at which you are
+staying, and mention in the course of conversation, how long you will be
+in the city.
+
+If you have a visitor, and desire to introduce her to your friends, you
+may invite her to accompany you when paying calls.
+
+In making a call for condolence, it is sufficient to leave a card with
+your enquiries for the health of your friend, and offers of service. The
+same if calling upon invalids, if they are too ill to see you.
+
+In visits of congratulation, go in, and be hearty in your expressions of
+interest and sympathy. Pay visits, both of condolence and
+congratulation, within a week after the event which calls for them
+occurs.
+
+It is proper, when you have already made your call of the usual length,
+and another caller is announced, to rise and leave, not immediately, as
+if you shunned the new arrival, but after a moment or two. Never out-sit
+two or three parties of visitors, unless you have private business with
+your hostess which cannot be postponed. Many denounce the system of
+morning calls as silly, frivolous, and a waste of time. They are wrong.
+It may be carried to an excess, and so admit of these objections, but in
+moderation the custom is a good and pleasant one. You have then an
+opportunity of making friends of mere acquaintances, and you can, in a
+pleasant chat with a friend at home, have more real enjoyment in her
+society than in a dozen meetings in large companies, with all the
+formality and restraint of a party thrown around you. There are many
+subjects of conversation which are pleasant in a parlor, tête-à-tête
+with a friend, which you would not care to discuss in a crowded saloon,
+or in the street. Personal inquiries, private affairs can be cosily
+chatted over.
+
+In paying your visits of condolence, show, by your own quiet gravity,
+that you sympathize in the recent affliction of your friend. Though you
+may endeavor to comfort and cheer her, you must avoid a gay or careless
+air, as it will be an insult at such a time. Avoid any allusion to the
+past that may be trying for her to hear or answer, yet do not ignore the
+subject entirely, as that appears like a want of interest in it. Though
+you may feel happy, avoid parading your own joyousness at such a time;
+whatever your own feeling may be, respect the sorrow of another.
+
+Never sit gazing curiously around the room when paying a call, as if
+taking a mental inventory of the furniture. It is excessively rude. It
+is still worse to appear to notice any disorder or irregularity that may
+occur.
+
+If, while paying a call, you perceive that any unforeseen matter in the
+family, calls for the attention of the lady of the house, leave
+instantly, no matter how short your call has been. Your friend may not
+appear to notice the screams of a child, a noise in the kitchen, or the
+cry from the nursery that the fire board has caught fire, but you may be
+sure she does hear it, and though too well-bred to speak of it, will
+heartily rejoice to say good-bye.
+
+Do not take a child with you to pay calls, until it is old enough to
+behave quietly and with propriety. To have a troublesome child
+constantly touching the parlor ornaments, balancing itself on the back
+of a chair, leaning from a window, or performing any of the thousand
+tricks in which children excel, is an annoyance, both to yourself and
+your hostess.
+
+Make no remark upon the temperature of the room, or its arrangement,
+when you enter it. Never open or shut a window or door without asking
+permission, and unless really suffering from excessive heat or cold,
+refrain from asking leave to take this liberty.
+
+If you are invited to go up stairs to your friend's private apartment,
+you will, of course, accept the invitation, but never go up stairs
+uninvited. When you reach her door, if the servant has not preceded and
+announced you, knock, and await her invitation to enter. Then, once in,
+take no notice of the room, but go instantly to your friend. If she is
+sewing, do not speak of the nature of her work, but request her to
+continue, as if you were not present.
+
+In cases of long standing friendship, you will not, of course, stand
+upon the ceremony of waiting for each and every one of your calls to be
+returned before paying another, but be careful that you are not too
+lavish of your visits. The most cordial welcome may be worn threadbare,
+if it is called into use _too_ often.
+
+If you are visiting an invalid, or one confined by physical infirmity to
+one apartment, while you are cheerful and ready to impart all the news
+that will interest them, do not, by too glowing descriptions of out-door
+pleasures, make them feel more keenly their own deprivations. It is
+well, when making such calls, to converse upon literature, or such
+general subjects as will not remind them of their misfortune.
+
+In cases where, from long illness or other infirmity, a gentleman friend
+is confined entirely to his room, you may, with perfect propriety, call
+upon him. It is both polite and kind to do so, as otherwise he would be
+deprived entirely of the society of his lady friends. Many thus
+unfortunately situated, from study and reading while so shut out from
+the world, become the most delightful companions.
+
+If, when you make a call, you unfortunately intrude upon an early dinner
+hour, do not go in, but leave your card, and say that you will call
+again.
+
+If you call upon two ladies who are boarding at the same house, do not
+send up your card to both at the same time. If one is out, send a card
+to her room, and then send up for the other. If the first one is in,
+wait till she comes down, and then chat as long as a call usually lasts.
+When you rise as if to take leave, accompany your friend to the parlor
+door, then tell her that you are going to send up for your other friend.
+She will bid you good-morning, and go to her own room; ring the bell
+after she leaves you, and send your card by the waiter to your other
+friend.
+
+In calling at a hotel, enter by the ladies' door, and send your card to
+the room of your friend by the waiter. It is well, if you are calling
+upon an entire stranger, to choose a seat, and tell the waiter to say to
+the lady exactly where she will find you. She will probably enter with
+your card in her hand; then rise, greet her by name, and introduce
+yourself. If you speak to another stranger upon the same errand as the
+one you expect, the error will be instantly perceived by the difference
+in name. If a stranger, bringing a letter of introduction, sends the
+letter with her card, instead of calling, courtesy requires you to make
+the first call, immediately; the same day that you receive the letter,
+if possible, if not, the day after.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+DINNER COMPANY.
+
+ETIQUETTE FOR THE HOSTESS.
+
+
+In issuing invitations for a large dinner party, the usual form is--
+
+ _Mr. and Mrs. G---- request the favor of Mr. and Mrs. L----'s
+ company to dinner, on Wednesday, March 8th, at ---- o'clock._
+
+If your husband is giving a party to gentlemen only, he will have a card
+printed or written for the occasion, but your duties as hostess, if he
+wishes you to preside, will still be as arduous as if your own friends
+were included in the invitation.
+
+The directions given in the chapter on "Evening parties" for the
+arrangement of the parlor and the dressing-rooms, will apply here
+equally well, but the dining-room (in this case the centre of
+attraction) requires still more careful attention. Any fault here will
+mar your own comfort and the pleasure of your guests, and must be
+carefully avoided.
+
+Send out your invitations by a servant, or man hired for the purpose;
+do not trust them to despatch or penny post.
+
+Be careful in selecting the guests for a dinner party. Remember that
+conversation will be the sole entertainment for several hours, and if
+your guests are not well chosen, your dinner, no matter how perfect or
+costly the viands, will prove a failure. The most agreeable dinners are
+those whose numbers will allow all the guests to join in a common
+conversation, and where the host has spirit and intelligence to take the
+lead, and start a new subject when the interest in the old one begins to
+flag. Dinners where the guests depend entirely upon the person next them
+for conversation, are apt to be stupid, as it requires marvelous tact to
+pair off all the couples, so that every one will be entertaining in
+tête-à-tête conversation.
+
+To give a good dinner, your means, room, and establishment must all be
+taken into consideration when you are preparing for a dinner company. If
+you invite a large number, you must increase your establishment for the
+occasion, as to sit down to a dinner badly served, with a scarcity of
+waiters, is tiresome, and shows little tact or grace on the part of the
+hostess.
+
+One cook cannot prepare dinner properly for more than ten persons, and
+three waiters will find ample employment in waiting upon the same
+number. More than this number will require a table too large for
+general, easy conversation, and throw your company into couples or
+trios, for entertainment.
+
+Have your table spread in a room that will accommodate all the guests
+comfortably, at the same time avoid putting a small social party in a
+large room, where they will appear lost in the space around them. Let
+the room be comfortably warmed, and if your dinner is late, have the
+apartments well lighted. If you sit down by daylight, but will remain in
+the room until after dark, have the shutters closed and the lights lit,
+before the dinner is announced, as nothing can be more awkward than to
+do this in the middle of the meal.
+
+The shape of a table is a point of more importance than some people
+think. If you wish your dinner to be social--not a mere collection of
+tête-à-têtes--the table should be of a shape which will make it easy for
+each guest to address any one at the table. The long parallelogram, with
+the host at one end and the hostess at the other, is stiff, too broad,
+too long, and isolates the givers of the feast from the guests.
+
+The round table, if large enough to accommodate many guests, has too
+large a diameter each way for easy conversation. The best table is the
+oval, and the host and hostess should sit in the middle of each side,
+facing each other.
+
+The dining room, even in the heat of summer, should be carpeted, to
+deaden the noise of the servants' feet. The chairs should be easy,
+without arms, and with tall, slanting backs. It adds much to the
+comfort, if each person is provided with a foot-stool.
+
+You must have, besides the waiters, one servant to carve, and he must be
+an adept. No dish should be carved upon the table, and that no guest
+shall wait too long for his meat, you must engage a rapid and dexterous
+carver.
+
+For a party of ten, two waiters, and the carver, are amply sufficient.
+If you have too many servants, they will only interfere with each other,
+and stand staring at the guests. Give your orders before dinner, and
+through the meal never speak to the servants. Your whole attention must
+be given to the guests. Even if you see that matters are going wrong, do
+not let your annoyance appear, but gracefully ignore the painful facts.
+Let each servant have his regular position at the table. One should take
+the guests at the right of the hostess, and the left of the host; the
+other the guests on the other side. They should wear light, noiseless
+shoes, and white gloves, and each one carry a folded napkin over his
+right arm.
+
+The main point in the arrangement of the table itself, is to secure
+beauty, without interfering with conversation. The table cover and
+napkins must be of snowy damask, the glass clear as crystal, and taste
+must preside over each detail. Let nothing high be placed on the table,
+that will effectually separate the guests from each other. There should
+be, first, a handsome centre piece, and this may be of glass, silver, or
+china, and not too high or large, and must be elegant as a work of art,
+or it is better omitted altogether. Preserve or fruit stands, tastefully
+decorated, with the fruit on fresh, green leaves, and flowers mingled
+with them, form exquisite centre pieces. A pyramid of flowers, or tasty
+vase or basket, forms, too, a beautiful ornament for the centre of the
+table. In addition to this, the French scatter vases of flowers all over
+the table, at the corners and in the centre. Some place a small,
+fragrant bouquet before the plate of each guest. Nothing can be more
+beautiful than this arrangement. Glasses of celery, dishes of clear,
+transparent jellies or preserves, exquisite little glass plates of
+pickles should stand in order on the table.
+
+Place before each guest, the plate, knife, fork, spoon, four
+wine-glasses of various sizes, the goblet for water, napkin, small salt
+cellar, salt spoon, and roll of bread. Place none of the meats or
+vegetables upon the large table. These should all be served at a
+side-table, each guest selecting his own, to be handed by the servants.
+The first course is soup. As this is not meant to destroy the appetite
+for other viands, it should be light, not too rich or thick. Let the
+servant hand one ladlefull to each person. If you have more than one
+kind, he must first inquire which each guest prefers.
+
+If you have wines, let them be handed round after the soup.
+
+Next comes the fish. If you have large fish, let a slice, cut smoothly,
+not made into a hash by awkward carving, be placed upon the plate of the
+guest, with a slice of egg, and drawn butter. If the fish are small, one
+should be placed upon each plate.
+
+Then come the patties of oysters, minced veal, or lobster; or, instead
+of these, you may have poultry or game.
+
+Next the roast. With the meats have vegetables served on a separate
+plate, that the guest may take as much as he wishes with meat. You will,
+of course, have a variety of vegetables, but scarcely any guest will
+choose more than two.
+
+The pastry and puddings come next in order, and these, too, are better
+served from a side table. Between the pastry and the dessert, have
+salad and cheese placed before each guest.
+
+If you eat dessert in the same room that you dine in, it should be
+placed upon the table (with the exception of the ices) before the guests
+are seated, and this comes after the pastry has been discussed. It
+should consist of fruit and ices.
+
+A pleasanter and more elegant way, is to have the fruit and ices spread
+in a separate room, and leave the dining room after the pastry has been
+eaten. The change of position, the absence of the meat flavor in the
+atmosphere, make the dessert much more delightful than if it is eaten in
+the same room as the dinner. In summer especially, the change to a cool,
+fresh room, where the ices and fruits are tastefully spread, and flowers
+are scattered profusely about the room, delights every sense.
+
+Coffee follows the dessert, and when this enters, if your guests are
+gentlemen only, your duty is at an end. You may then rise, leave the
+room, and need not re-appear. If you have lady guests, you give the
+signal for rising after coffee, and lead the way to the parlor, where,
+in a few moments, the gentlemen will again join you.
+
+Suppose your guests invited, servants instructed, every arrangement
+made, and the important day arrived. The next point to consider is the
+reception of your guests. Be dressed in good season, as many seem to
+consider an invitation to dinner as one to pass the day, and come early.
+Take a position in your drawing-room, where each guest will find you
+easily, and remain near it, until every guest has arrived. As each one
+enters, advance to meet him, and extend your hand.
+
+Have plenty of chairs ready in the drawing-room, as an invitation to
+dinner by no means argues a "stand up" party. As you have already
+arranged every detail, your duty as hostess consists in receiving your
+guests gracefully, conversing and looking as charmingly as possible.
+Flowers in the drawing-room are as great a proof of taste as in the
+dining room.
+
+As the time just before dinner is very apt to be tiresome, you should
+bring forward all the armor against stupidity that you possess. Display
+upon tables arranged conveniently about the room, curiosities, handsome
+books, photographs, engravings, stereoscopes, medallions, any works of
+art you may own, and have the ottomans, sofas, and chairs so placed that
+your guests can move easily about the room, or rooms.
+
+The severest test of good breeding in a lady, is in the position of
+hostess, receiving dinner guests. Your guests may arrive all at once,
+yet you must make each one feel that he or she is the object of your
+individual attention, and none must be hurt by neglect. They may arrive
+very early, yet your duty is to make the time fly until dinner is
+announced. They may come late, and risk the ruin of your choicest
+dishes, yet you must not, upon pain of a breach of etiquette, show the
+least annoyance. If you know that the whole kitchen is in arms at the
+delay, you must conceal the anguish, as the Spartan boy did his pangs,
+to turn a cheerful, smiling face upon the tardy guests.
+
+When dinner is announced, you will lead the way to the dining-room upon
+the arm of one of your gentlemen guests, having paired off the company
+in couples. The host comes in last with a lady upon his arm.
+
+You may indicate to each couple, as they enter the dining-room, the
+seats they are to occupy, standing until all are seated, or you may
+allow them to choose their own places. The English fashion of placing a
+card upon each plate with the name of the person to take that seat upon
+it, is a good one. It enables the hostess to place those whom she is
+certain will be mutually entertaining, next each other. Place the
+gentleman who escorts you from the parlor at your right hand.
+
+Having once taken your seat at table, you have nothing to do with the
+dinner but to partake of it. Not a word, or even a glance, will a
+well-bred hostess bestow upon the servants, nor will she speak to the
+guests of the dishes. Their choice rests between themselves and the
+waiters, and you must take no notice of what they eat, how much, or how
+little. Nay, should they partake of one dish only, you must ignore the
+fact.
+
+The greatest tact is displayed where the hostess makes each guest feel
+perfectly at ease. She will aid her husband both in leading and
+supporting the conversation, and will see that no guest is left in
+silence from want of attention. Whilst she ignores every breach of
+etiquette her guests may commit, she must carefully observe every rule
+herself, and this she must do in an easy, natural manner, avoiding every
+appearance of restraint. Her deportment, she may be sure, is secretly
+watched and criticised by each guest, yet she must appear utterly
+unconscious that she is occupying any conspicuous position.
+
+To watch the servants, or appear uneasy, lest something should go wrong,
+is excessively ill-bred, and if any accident does occur, you only make
+it worse by noticing it. To reprove or speak sharply to a servant before
+your guests, manifests a shocking want of good breeding.
+
+The rules given above are only applicable to large dinner parties, and
+where the guests are few, and the host himself carves, these rules will
+not apply. In this case, as you will only require the services of your
+own household domestics, you must, of course, attend personally to the
+wants of your guests.
+
+Dinner not being served from a side table, you must, while putting
+tasteful ornaments upon it, be careful not to crowd them, and leave room
+for the substantial dishes.
+
+You must watch the plate of each guest, to see that it is well provided,
+and you will invite each one to partake of the various dishes.
+
+Have a servant to pass the plates from you to each guest, and from the
+host to you, after he has put the meat upon them, that you may add gravy
+and vegetables before they are set before your visitors.
+
+At these smaller dinner companies, avoid apologizing for anything,
+either in the viands or the arrangement of them. You have provided the
+best your purse will allow, prepared as faultlessly as possible; you
+will only gain credit for mock modesty if you apologize for a
+well-prepared, well-spread dinner, and if there are faults they will
+only be made more conspicuous if attention is drawn to them by an
+apology.
+
+Ease of manner, quiet dignity, cheerful, intelligent conversation, and
+gentle, lady-like deportment, never appear more charming than when they
+adorn a lady at the head of her own table.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+DINNER COMPANY.
+
+ETIQUETTE FOR THE GUEST.
+
+
+When you receive an invitation to join a dinner-party, answer it
+immediately, as, by leaving your hostess in doubt whether you intend to
+accept or decline her hospitality, you make it impossible for her to
+decide how many she must prepare for. If you accept at first, and any
+unforeseen event keeps you from fulfilling your engagement, write a
+second note, that your hostess may not wait dinner for you. Such a note,
+if circumstances render it necessary to write it, may be sent with
+perfect propriety an hour before the time appointed for dinner, though,
+if you are aware that you cannot attend, earlier, you must send the
+information in good season.
+
+You should enter the house of your hostess from a quarter to half an
+hour earlier than the time appointed for dining. Proceed at once to the
+dressing-room, and arrange your dress and hair, and then enter the
+drawing-room. By going to the house too early, you may hasten or
+interrupt the toilet arrangements of your hostess; while, by being
+late, you will establish a most disagreeable association in the minds of
+all present, as "the lady who kept dinner waiting at Mrs. L----'s."
+
+Immediately upon entering the parlor find your hostess, and speak to her
+first. It is very rude to stop to chat with other guests before greeting
+the lady of the house. You may bow to any one you know, in passing, but
+do not stop to speak. Having exchanged a few words with your hostess,
+turn to the other guests, unless you are the first arrival. In that
+case, converse with your host and hostess until others come in.
+
+Be careful, if dinner is delayed by the tardiness of the guests, or from
+any other cause, that you do not show by your manner that you are aware
+of such delay. To look towards the door often, consult your watch, or
+give tokens of weariness, are all marks of ill-breeding. Your hostess
+will probably be sufficiently annoyed by the irregularity itself; do not
+add to her discomfort by allowing her to suppose that her guests
+perceive the deficiencies. Look over the books and pictures with an air
+of interest, converse cheerfully, and in every way appear as if dinner
+were a matter of secondary importance, (as, indeed, it should be,)
+compared with the pleasure of the society around you.
+
+When the signal for dinner is given, your hostess will probably name
+your escort to the table. If he is a stranger, bow in acknowledgement of
+the introduction, take his arm, and fall into your place in the stream
+of guests passing from the parlor to the dining-room.
+
+Take the seat pointed out by your hostess, or the waiter, as soon as it
+is offered. Each one will do this upon entering, and it prevents the
+confusion that will result if those first entering the room, remain
+standing until all the other guests come in.
+
+When you take your seat, be careful that your chair does not stand upon
+the dress of the lady next you, as she may not rise at the same instant
+that you do, and so you risk tearing her dress.
+
+Sit gracefully at the table; neither so close as to make your movements
+awkward, nor so far away as to drag your food over your dress before it
+reaches your mouth. It is well to carry in your pocket a small
+pincushion, and, having unfolded your napkin, to pin it at the belt. You
+may do this quietly, without its being perceived, and you will thus
+really save your dress. If the napkin is merely laid open upon your lap,
+it will be very apt to slip down, if your dress is of silk or satin, and
+you risk the chance of appearing again in the drawing-room with the
+front of your dress soiled or greased.
+
+If, by the carelessness or awkwardness of your neighbors or the
+servants, you have a plate of soup, glass of wine, or any dish intended
+for your mouth, deposited upon your dress, do not spring up, or make any
+exclamation. You may wipe off the worst of the spot with your napkin,
+and then let it pass without further notice. If an apology is made by
+the unlucky perpetrator of the accident, try to set him at his ease by
+your own lady-like composure. He will feel sorry and awkward enough,
+without reproach, sullenness, or cold looks from you.
+
+Gloves and mittens are no longer worn at table, even at the largest
+dinner-parties.
+
+To make remarks upon the guests or the dishes is excessively rude.
+
+If the conversation is general, speak loudly enough to be heard by those
+around you, but, at the same time, avoid raising your voice _too_ much.
+If the company is very large, and you converse only with the person
+immediately beside you, speak in a distinct, but low tone, that you may
+not interrupt other couples, but carefully avoid whispering or a
+confidential air. Both are in excessively bad taste. To laugh in a
+suppressed way, has the appearance of laughing at those around you, and
+a loud, boisterous laugh is always unlady-like. Converse cheerfully,
+laugh quietly, but freely, if you will, and while you confine your
+attention entirely to your neighbor, still avoid any air of secrecy or
+mystery.
+
+Never use an eye-glass, either to look at the persons around you or the
+articles upon the table.
+
+Eat your soup quietly. To make any noise in eating it, is simply
+disgusting. Do not break bread into your soup. Break off small pieces
+and put into your mouth, if you will, but neither bite it from the roll
+nor break it up, and eat it from your soup-plate with a spoon.
+
+In eating bread with meat, never dip it into the gravy on your plate,
+and then bite the end off. If you wish to eat it with gravy, break off a
+small piece, put it upon your plate, and then, with a fork, convey it to
+your mouth.
+
+When helped to fish, remove, with knife and fork, all the bones, then
+lay down the knife, and, with a piece of bread in your left hand and a
+fork in your right, eat the flakes of fish.
+
+Need I say that the knife is to cut your food with, and must never be
+used while eating? To put it in your mouth is a distinctive mark of
+low-breeding.
+
+If you have selected what you will eat, keep the plate that is placed
+before you; never pass it to the persons next you, as they may have an
+entirely different choice of meat or vegetables.
+
+Never attempt to touch any dish that is upon the table, but out of your
+reach, by stretching out your arms, leaning forward, or, still worse,
+standing up. Ask the waiter to hand it, if you wish for it; or, if the
+gentleman beside you can easily do so, you may ask him to pass it to
+you.
+
+Do not press those near you to take more or other things than are upon
+their plate. This is the duty of the hostess, or, if the company is
+large, the servants will attend to it. For you to do so is officious and
+ill-bred.
+
+When conversing let your knife and fork rest easily upon your plate,
+even if still in your hand. Avoid holding them upright. Keep your own
+knife, fork, and spoon solely for the articles upon your own plate. To
+use them for helping yourself to butter or salt, is rude in the extreme.
+
+When you do not use the salt-spoon, sugar tongs, and butter-knife, you
+may be sure that those around you will conclude that you have never seen
+the articles, and do not know their use.
+
+You need not fear to offend by refusing to take wine with a gentleman,
+even your host. If you decline gracefully, he will appreciate the
+delicacy which makes you refuse. If, however, you have no conscientious
+scruples, and are invited to take wine, bow, and merely raise the glass
+to your lips, then set it down again. You may thus acknowledge the
+courtesy, and yet avoid actually drinking the wine.
+
+No lady should drink wine at dinner. Even if her head is strong enough
+to bear it, she will find her cheeks, soon after the indulgence,
+flushed, hot, and uncomfortable; and if the room is warm, and the dinner
+a long one, she will probably pay the penalty of her folly, by having a
+headache all the evening.
+
+If offered any dish of which you do not wish to partake, decline it, but
+do not assign any reason. To object to the dish itself is an insult to
+your entertainers, and if you assert any reason for your own dislike it
+is ill-bred.
+
+Do not bend too much forward over your food, and converse easily. To eat
+fast, or appear to be so much engrossed as to be unable to converse, is
+ill-bred; and it makes those around you suspect that you are so little
+accustomed to dining well, that you fear to stop eating an instant, lest
+you should not get enough.
+
+It is equally ill-bred to accept every thing that is offered to you.
+Never take more than two vegetables; do not take a second plate of soup,
+pastry, or pudding. Indeed, it is best to accept but _one_ plate of any
+article.
+
+Never use a spoon for anything but liquids, and never touch anything to
+eat, excepting bread, celery, or fruit, with your fingers.
+
+In the intervals which must occur between the courses, do not appear to
+be conscious of the lapse of time. Wear a careless air when waiting,
+conversing cheerfully and pleasantly, and avoid looking round the room,
+as if wondering what the waiters are about.
+
+Never eat every morsel that is upon your plate; and surely no lady will
+ever scrape her plate, or pass the bread round it, as if to save the
+servants the trouble of washing it.
+
+Take such small mouthfulls that you can always be ready for
+conversation, but avoid playing with your food, or partaking of it with
+an affectation of delicate appetite. Your hostess may suppose you
+despise her fare, if you appear so very choice, or eat too sparingly. If
+your state of health deprives you of appetite, it is bad enough for you
+to decline the invitation to dine out.
+
+Never examine minutely the food before you. You insult your hostess by
+such a proceeding, as it looks as if you feared to find something upon
+the plate that should not be there.
+
+If you find a worm on opening a nut, or in any of the fruit, hand your
+plate quietly, and without remark, to the waiter, and request him to
+bring you a clean one. Do not let others perceive the movement, or the
+cause of it, if you can avoid so doing.
+
+Never make a noise in eating. To munch or smack the lips are vulgar
+faults.
+
+Sit quietly at table, avoid stiffness, but, at the same time, be careful
+that you do not annoy others by your restlessness.
+
+Do not eat so fast as to be done long before others, nor so slowly as to
+keep them waiting.
+
+When the finger-glasses are passed round, dip the ends of your fingers
+into them, and wipe them upon your napkin; then do not fold your napkin,
+but place it beside your plate upon the table.
+
+To carry away fruit or bonbons from the table is a sign of low breeding.
+
+Rise with the other ladies when your hostess gives the signal.
+
+After returning to the parlor, remain in the house at least an hour
+after dinner is over. If you have another engagement in the evening, you
+may then take your leave, but not before. You will insult your hostess
+by leaving sooner, as it appears that you came only for the dinner, and
+that being over, your interest in the house, for the time, has ceased.
+It is only beggars who "eat and run!"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+TABLE ETIQUETTE.
+
+
+In order to appear perfectly well-bred at table when in company, or in
+public, as at a hotel, you must pay attention, three times a day, to the
+points of table etiquette. If you neglect these little details at home
+and in private, they will be performed awkwardly and with an air of
+restraint when you are in company. By making them habitual, they will
+become natural, and appear easily, and sit gracefully upon you.
+
+Even when eating entirely alone, observe these little details, thus
+making the most finished and elegant manners perfectly familiar, and
+thus avoiding the stiff, awkward air you will wear if you keep your
+politeness only for company, when you will be constantly apprehensive of
+doing wrong.
+
+At breakfast or tea, if your seat is at the head of the table, you must,
+before taking anything upon your own plate, fill a cup for each one of
+the family, and pass them round, being careful to suit each one in the
+preparation of the cup, that none may return to you for more tea, water,
+sugar, or milk. If you have a visitor, pass the cup with the tea or
+coffee alone in it, and hand with the cup the sugar bowl and cream
+pitcher, that these may be added in the quantity preferred.
+
+After all the cups have been filled and passed round, you may take the
+bread, butter, and other food upon your own plate. Train your children,
+so that they will pass these things to you as soon as they see you are
+ready to receive them.
+
+If you are yourself at the side of the table, pass the bread, butter,
+etc., to the lady at the head, when you see that she has sent the cups
+from the waiter before her, to those seated at the table.
+
+If you occupy the place of head of the table, you must watch the cups,
+offer to fill them when empty, and also see that each one of the family
+is well helped to the other articles upon the table.
+
+Avoid making any noise in eating, even if each meal is eaten in solitary
+state. It is a disgusting habit, and one not easily cured if once
+contracted, to make any noise with the lips when eating.
+
+Never put large pieces of food into your mouth. Eat slowly, and cut your
+food into small pieces before putting it into your mouth.
+
+Use your fork, or spoon, never your knife, to put your food into your
+mouth. At dinner, hold in your left hand a piece of bread, and raise
+your meat or vegetables with the fork, holding the bread to prevent the
+pieces slipping from the plate.
+
+If you are asked at table what part of the meat you prefer, name your
+favorite piece, but do not give such information unless asked to do so.
+To point out any especial part of a dish, and ask for it, is ill-bred.
+To answer, when asked to select a part, that "it is a matter of
+indifference," or, "I can eat any part," is annoying to the carver, as
+he cares less than yourself certainly, and would prefer to give you the
+piece you really like best.
+
+Do not pour coffee or tea from your cup into your saucer, and do not
+blow either these or soup. Wait until they cool.
+
+Use the butter-knife, salt-spoon, and sugar-tongs as scrupulously when
+alone, as if a room full of people were watching you. Otherwise, you may
+neglect to do so when the omission will mortify you.
+
+Never put poultry or fish bones, or the stones of fruit, upon the
+table-cloth, but place them on the edge of your plate.
+
+Do not begin to eat until others at the table are ready to commence too.
+
+Sit easily in your chair, neither too near the table, nor too far from
+it, and avoid such tricks as putting your arms on the table, leaning
+back lazily in your chair, or playing with your knife, fork, or spoon.
+
+Never raise your voice, when speaking, any higher than is necessary. The
+clear articulation and distinct pronunciation of each word, will make a
+low tone more agreeable and more easily understood, than the loudest
+tone, if the speech is rapid or indistinct.
+
+Never pass your plate with the knife or fork upon it, and when you pass
+your cup, put the spoon in the saucer.
+
+Never pile up the food on your plate. It looks as if you feared it would
+all be gone before you could be helped again, and it will certainly
+make your attempts to cut the food awkward, if your plate is crowded.
+
+If there is a delicacy upon the table, partake of it sparingly, and
+never help yourself to it a second time.
+
+If you wish to cough, or use your handkerchief, rise from the table, and
+leave the room. If you have not time to do this, cover your mouth, and
+turn your head aside from the table, and perform the disagreeable
+necessity as rapidly and quietly as possible.
+
+Avoid gesticulation at the table. Indeed, a well-bred lady will never
+gesticulate, but converse quietly, letting the expression and animation
+of her features give force to her words.
+
+Never, when at the home table, leave it until the other members of the
+family are also ready to rise.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+CONDUCT IN THE STREET.
+
+
+A lady's conduct is never so entirely at the mercy of critics, because
+never so public, as when she is in the street. Her dress, carriage,
+walk, will all be exposed to notice; every passer-by will look at her,
+if it is only for one glance; every unlady-like action will be marked;
+and in no position will a dignified, lady-like deportment be more
+certain to command respect.
+
+Let me start with you upon your promenade, my friend, and I will soon
+decide your place upon the list of well-bred ladies.
+
+First, your dress. Not that scarlet shawl, with a green dress, I beg,
+and--oh! spare my nerves!--you are not so insane as to put on a blue
+bonnet. That's right. If you wish to wear the green dress, don a black
+shawl, and--that white bonnet will do very well. One rule you must lay
+down with regard to a walking dress. It must never be conspicuous. Let
+the material be rich, if you will; the set of each garment faultless;
+have collar and sleeves snowy white, and wear neatly-fitting, whole,
+clean gloves and boots. Every detail may be scrupulously attended to,
+but let the whole effect be quiet and modest. Wear a little of one
+bright color, if you will, but not more than one. Let each part of the
+dress harmonize with all the rest; avoid the _extreme_ of fashion, and
+let the dress suit _you_. If you are short and plump, do not wear
+flounces, because they are fashionable, and avoid large plaids, even if
+they are the very latest style. If tall and slight, do not add to the
+length of your figure by long stripes, a little mantilla, and a
+caricature of a bonnet, with long, streaming ribbons. A large, round
+face will never look well, staring from a tiny, delicate bonnet; nor
+will a long, thin one stand the test much better. Wear what is becoming
+to _yourself_, and only bow to fashion enough to avoid eccentricity. To
+have everything in the _extreme_ of fashion, is a sure mark of
+vulgarity.
+
+Wear no jewelry in the street excepting your watch and brooch. Jewelry
+is only suited for full evening dress, when all the other details unite
+to set it off. If it is real, it is too valuable to risk losing in the
+street, and if it is _not_ real, no lady should wear it. Mock jewelry is
+utterly detestable.
+
+What are you doing? Sucking the head of your parasol! Have you not
+breakfasted? Take that piece of ivory from your mouth! To suck it is
+unlady-like, and let me tell you, excessively unbecoming. Rosy lips and
+pearly teeth can be put to a better use.
+
+Why did you not dress before you came out? It is a mark of ill-breeding
+to draw your gloves on in the street. Now your bonnet-strings, and
+now--your collar! Pray arrange your dress before you leave the house!
+Nothing looks worse than to see a lady fussing over her dress in the
+street. Take a few moments more in your dressing-room, and so arrange
+your dress that you will not need to think of it again whilst you are
+out.
+
+Do not walk so fast! you are not chasing anybody! Walk slowly,
+gracefully! Oh, do not drag one foot after the other as if you were fast
+asleep--set down the foot lightly, but at the same time firmly; now,
+carry your head up, not so; you hang it down as if you feared to look
+any one in the face! Nay, that is the other extreme! Now you look like a
+drill-major, on parade! So! that is the medium. Erect, yet, at the same
+time, easy and elegant.
+
+Now, my friend, do not swing your arms. You don't know what to do with
+them? Your parasol takes one hand; hold your dress up a little with the
+other. Not so! No lady should raise her dress above the ankle.
+
+Take care! don't drag your dress through that mud-puddle! Worse and
+worse! If you take hold of your dress on both sides, in that way, and
+drag it up so high, you will be set down as a raw country girl. So.
+Raise it just above the boot, all round, easily, letting it fall again
+in the old folds. Don't shake it down; it will fall back of itself.
+
+Stop! don't you see there is a carriage coming? Do you want to be thrown
+down by the horses? You can run across? Very lady-like indeed! Surely
+nothing can be more ungraceful than to see a lady shuffle and run across
+a street. Wait until the way is clear and then walk slowly across.
+
+Do not try to raise your skirts. It is better to soil them. (You were
+very foolish to wear white skirts this muddy day.) _They_ are easily
+washed, and you cannot raise _all_. You will surely be awkward in making
+the attempt, and probably fail, in spite of your efforts. True, they
+will be badly soiled, and you expose this when you raise the dress, but
+the state of the streets must be seen by all who see your share of the
+dirt, and they will apologize for your untidy appearance in a language
+distinctly understood.
+
+Don't hold your parasol so close to your face, nor so low down. You
+cannot see your way clear, and you will run against somebody. Always
+hold an umbrella or parasol so that it will clear your bonnet, and leave
+the space before your face open, that you may see your way clearly.
+
+If you are ever caught in a shower, and meet a gentleman friend who
+offers an umbrella, accept it, if he will accompany you to your
+destination; but do not deprive him of it, if he is not able to join
+you. Should he insist, return it to his house or store the instant you
+reach home, with a note of thanks. If a stranger offers you the same
+services, decline it positively, but courteously, at the same time
+thanking him.
+
+Never stop to speak to a gentleman in the street. If you have anything
+important to say to him, allow him to join and walk with you, but do not
+stop. It is best to follow the same rule with regard to ladies, and
+either walk with them or invite them to walk with you, instead of
+stopping to talk.
+
+A lady who desires to pay strict regard to etiquette, will not stop to
+gaze in at the shop windows. It looks countrified. If she is alone, it
+looks as if she were waiting for some one; and if she is not alone, she
+is victimizing some one else, to satisfy her curiosity.
+
+Remember that in meeting your gentlemen friends it is your duty to speak
+first, therefore do not cut them by waiting to be recognized. Be sure,
+however, that they see you before you bow, or you place yourself in the
+awkward position of having your bow pass, unreturned.
+
+You are not expected to recognize any friend on the opposite side of the
+street. Even if you see them, do not bow.
+
+Avoid "cutting" any one. It is a small way of showing spite, and lowers
+you more than your enemy. If you wish to avoid any further intercourse
+bow, coldly and gravely, but do not look at any one, to whom you are in
+the habit of bowing, and pass without bowing. If you do this, they may
+flatter themselves that they were really unrecognized, but a distant,
+cold bow will show them that you speak from civility only, not from
+friendship.
+
+In the street a lady takes the arm of a relative, her affianced lover,
+or husband, but of no other gentleman, unless the streets are slippery,
+or in the evening.
+
+When a lady walks with two gentlemen, she should endeavor to divide her
+attention and remarks equally between them.
+
+If you do stop in the street, draw near the walls, that you may not keep
+others from passing.
+
+Loud talking and laughing in the street are excessively vulgar. Not only
+this, but they expose a lady to the most severe misconstruction. Let
+your conduct be modest and quiet.
+
+If a gentleman, although a stranger, offers his hand to assist you in
+leaving a carriage, omnibus, or to aid you in crossing where it is wet
+or muddy, accept his civility, thank him, bow and pass on.
+
+If you wish to take an omnibus or car, see that it is not already full.
+If it is, do not get in. You will annoy others, and be uncomfortable
+yourself.
+
+It is best to carry change to pay car or omnibus fare, as you keep
+others waiting whilst the driver is making change, and it is apt to fall
+into the straw when passing from one hand to another.
+
+If a gentleman gives you his seat, hands your fare, or offers you any
+such attention, _thank him_. It is not countrified, it is lady-like. If
+you do not speak, bow.
+
+Be careful not to be alone in the streets after night fall. It exposes
+you to insult. If you are obliged to go out, have a servant, or another
+lady, if you cannot procure the escort of a gentleman, which is, of
+course, the best.
+
+Walk slowly, do not turn your head to the right or left, unless you wish
+to walk that way, and avoid any gesture or word that will attract
+attention.
+
+Never look back! It is excessively ill-bred.
+
+Make no remarks upon those who pass you, while there is even a
+possibility that they may hear you.
+
+Never stare at any one, even if they have peculiarities, which make them
+objects of remark.
+
+In taking your place in an omnibus or car, do so quietly, and then sit
+perfectly still. Do not change your place or move restlessly. Make room
+for others if you see that the opposite side is full.
+
+If you walk with a gentleman, when he reaches your door invite him in,
+but if he declines, do not urge him. If you are returning from a ball or
+party, and the hour is a very late (or early) one, you are not bound in
+politeness to invite your escort to enter; the hour will be your apology
+for omitting the ceremony.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+LETTER WRITING.
+
+
+There is no branch of education called so universally into requisition
+as the art of letter writing; no station, high or low, where the
+necessity for correspondence is not felt; no person, young or old, who
+does not, at some time, write, cause to be written, and receive letters.
+From the President in his official capacity, with the busy pens of
+secretaries constantly employed in this branch of service, to the Irish
+laborer who, unable to guide a pen, writes, also by proxy, to his
+kinsfolks across the wide ocean; all, at some time, feel the desire to
+transmit some message, word of love, business, or sometimes enmity, by
+letter.
+
+Yet, in spite of the universal need, and almost universal habit, there
+are really but very few persons who write a _good_ letter; a letter that
+is, at the same time long enough to interest, yet not long enough to
+tire; sufficiently condensed to keep the attention, and not tedious, and
+yet detailed enough to afford satisfaction; that is correct in
+grammatical construction, properly punctuated, written in a clear,
+legible hand, with the date, address, signature, all in the proper
+place, no words whose letters stand in utter defiance to spelling-book
+rules; in short, a well-written letter.
+
+Thousands, millions are sent from post to post every day. The lightning
+speed of the telegraph takes its messages from city to city; the panting
+steamer carries from continent to continent its heavy mail-bags, laden
+with its weight of loving messages; the "iron horse" drags behind it,
+its measure of the many missives; while, in the far-distant Western
+wilds, the lumbering wagon bears its paper freight, with its pen
+eloquence, to cheer and comfort, or sadden and crush, the waiting
+emigrants, longing for news of home.
+
+To some, who, with hearts desolated by the separation from the home
+circle, could read, with an eager interest, volumes of the most
+common-place, trivial incidents, if only connected with the loved ones
+there, will come pages, from the pen of the dearest relative, full of
+learning, wit, and wisdom, wholly uninteresting to the receiver.
+
+Why is this? Not from any desire upon the part of the writer to display
+learning or talent, but because, writing a letter being to them a great
+undertaking, and the letter being destined to go a long distance, they
+look upon it as an event too unusual to be wasted in detailing the
+simple, every-day details of domestic life, and ransack memory and
+learning for a subject worthy of the long journey and unusual labor.
+
+Others will have, from mere acquaintances, long, tedious details of
+uninteresting trivialities, and from the near relatives, short, dry
+epistles, which fall like stones upon the heart longing for little,
+affectionate expressions, and home memories.
+
+From some letter writers, who are in the midst of scenes and events of
+the most absorbing interest, letters arrive, only a few lines long,
+without one allusion to the interesting matter lying so profusely around
+them; while others, with the scantiest of outward subjects, will, from
+their own teeming brain, write bewitching, absorbing epistles, read with
+eagerness, laid aside with the echo of Oliver Twist's petition in a
+sigh; the reader longing for "more."
+
+It is, of course, impossible to lay down any distinct rule for the
+_style_ of letter writing. Embracing, as it does, all subjects and all
+classes, all countries and associations, and every relation in which one
+person can stand to another, what would be an imperative rule in some
+cases, becomes positive absurdity in others. Every letter will vary from
+others written before, in either its subject, the person addressed, or
+the circumstances which make it necessary to write it.
+
+Letter writing is, in fact, but conversation, carried on with the pen,
+when distance or circumstances prevent the easier method of exchanging
+ideas, by spoken words. Write, therefore, as you would speak, were the
+person to whom your letter is addressed seated beside you. As amongst
+relatives and intimate friends you would converse with a familiar
+manner, and in easy language, so in your letters to such persons, let
+your style be simple, entirely devoid of effort.
+
+Again, when introduced to a stranger, or conversing with one much older
+than yourself, your manner is respectful and dignified; so let the
+letters addressed to those on these terms with yourself, be written in a
+more ceremonious style, but at the same time avoid stiffness, and above
+all, pedantry. A letter of advice to a child, would of course demand an
+entirely different style, from that written by a young lady to a friend
+or relative advanced in life; yet the general rule, "write as you would
+converse," applies to each and every case.
+
+Neatness is an important requisite in a letter. To send a fair, clean
+sheet, with the words written in a clear, legible hand, will go a great
+way in ensuring a cordial welcome for your letter. Avoid erasures, as
+they spoil the beauty of your sheet. If it is necessary to correct a
+word, draw your pen through it, and write the word you wish to use as a
+substitute, above the one erased; do not scratch out the word and write
+another over it: it is untidy, and the second word is seldom legible.
+Another requisite for a good letter is a clear, concise style. Use
+language that will be easily understood, and avoid the parenthesis.
+Important passages in letters are often lost entirely, by the ambiguous
+manner in which they are worded, or rendered quite as unintelligible by
+the blots, erasures, or villainously bad hand-writing. A phrase may, by
+the addition or omission of one word, or by the alteration of one
+punctuation mark, convey to the reader an entirely different idea from
+that intended by the writer; so, while you write plainly, use good
+language, you must also write carefully, and punctuate properly.
+
+If you are in doubt about the correct spelling of a word, do not trust
+to chance, hoping it may be right, but get a dictionary, and be certain
+that you have spelt it as it ought to be.
+
+Simplicity is a great charm in letter-writing. What you send in a
+letter, is, as a general rule, intended for the perusal of one person
+only. Therefore to cumber your epistles with quotations, similes,
+flowery language, and a stilted, pedantic style, is in bad taste. You
+may use elegant language, yet use it easily. If you use a quotation, let
+it come into its place naturally, as if flowing in perfect harmony with
+your ideas, and let it be short. Long quotations in a letter are
+tiresome. Make no attempt at display in a correspondence. You will err
+as much in such an attempt, as if, when seated face to face with your
+correspondent, alone in your own apartment, you were to rise and
+converse with the gestures and language of a minister in his pulpit, or
+a lecturer upon his platform.
+
+As everything, in style, depends upon the subject of the letter, and the
+person to whom it is addressed, some words follow, relating to some of
+the various kinds of correspondence:
+
+BUSINESS LETTERS should be as brief as is consistent with the subject;
+clear, and to the point. Say all that is necessary, in plain, distinct
+language, and say no more. State, in forcible words, every point that it
+is desirable for your correspondent to be made acquainted with, that
+your designs and prospects upon the subject may be perfectly well
+understood. Write, in such a letter, of nothing but the business in
+hand; other matters will be out of place there. Nowhere is a confused
+style, or illegible writing, more unpardonable than in a business
+letter; nowhere a good style and hand more important. Avoid flowery
+language, too many words, all pathos or wit, any display of talent or
+learning, and every merely personal matter, in a business letter.
+
+LETTERS OF COMPLIMENT must be restricted, confined entirely to one
+subject. If passing between acquaintances, they should be written in a
+graceful, at the same time respectful, manner. Avoid hackneyed
+expressions, commonplace quotations, and long, labored sentences, but
+while alluding to the subject in hand, as if warmly interested in it, at
+the same time endeavor to write in a style of simple, natural grace.
+
+LETTERS OF CONGRATULATION demand a cheerful, pleasant style, and an
+appearance of great interest. They should be written from the heart, and
+the cordial, warm feelings there will prompt the proper language. Be
+careful, while offering to your friend the hearty congratulations her
+happy circumstances demand, that you do not let envy at her good
+fortune, creep into your head, to make the pen utter complaining words
+at your own hard lot. Do not dampen her joy, by comparing her happiness
+with the misery of another. There are many clouds in the life of every
+one of us. While the sun shines clearly upon the events of your friend's
+life let her enjoy the brightness and warmth, unshadowed by any words of
+yours. Give her, to the full, your sympathy in her rejoicing, cheerful
+words, warm congratulations, and bright hopes for the future. Should
+there be, at the time of her happiness, any sad event you wish to
+communicate to her, of which it is your duty to inform her, write it in
+another letter. If you must send it the same day, do so, but let the
+epistle wishing her joy, go alone, unclouded with the news of sorrow. At
+the same time, avoid exaggerated expressions of congratulation, lest you
+are suspected of a desire to be satirical, and avoid underlining any
+words. If the language is not forcible enough to convey your ideas, you
+will not make it better by underlining it. If you say to your friend
+upon her marriage, that you wish her "_joy_ in her new relations, and
+_hope_ she may be _entirely happy_ in her domestic life," you make her
+doubt your wishes, and think you mean to ridicule her chances of such
+happiness.
+
+LETTERS OF CONDOLENCE are exceedingly trying, both to read and to write.
+If the affliction which calls for them is one which touches you nearly,
+really grieving and distressing you, all written words must seem tame
+and cold, compared with the aching sympathy which dictates them. It is
+hard with the eyes blinded by tears, and the hand shaking, to write
+calmly; and it is impossible to express upon paper all the burning
+thoughts and words that would pour forth, were you beside the friend
+whose sorrow is yours. If you do not feel the trial, your task is still
+more difficult, for no letters demand truth, spoken from the heart, more
+than letters of condolence. Do not treat the subject for grief too
+lightly. Write words of comfort if you will, but do not appear to
+consider the affliction as a trifle. Time may make it less severe, but
+the first blow of grief must be heavy, and a few words of sincere
+sympathy will outweigh pages of mere expressions of hope for comfort, or
+the careless lines that show the letter to be one of mere duty, not
+feeling. Let your friend feel that her sorrow makes her dearer to you
+than ever before, and that her grief is yours. To treat the subject with
+levity, or to wander from it into witticisms or every-day chit-chat, is
+a wanton insult, unworthy of a lady and a friend. Do not magnify the
+event, or plunge the mourner into still deeper despondency by taking a
+despairing, gloomy view of the sorrow, under which she is bent. Show her
+the silver lining of her cloud, try to soothe her grief, yet be willing
+to admit that it _is_ a cloud, and that she _has_ cause for grief. To
+throw out hints that the sorrow is sent as a punishment to an offender;
+to imply that neglect or imprudence on the part of the mourner is the
+cause of the calamity; to hold up the trial as an example of
+retribution, or a natural consequence of wrong doing, is cruel, and
+barbarous. Even if this is true, (indeed, if this is the case, it only
+aggravates the insult); avoid such retrospection. It is as if a surgeon,
+called in to a patient suffering from a fractured limb, sat down,
+inattentive to the suffering, to lecture his patient upon the
+carelessness which caused the accident. One of the most touching letters
+of condolence ever written was sent by a literary lady, well known in
+the ranks of our American authoresses, to her sister, who had lost her
+youngest child. The words were few, merely:--
+
+ "SISTER DARLING:
+
+ "I cannot write what is in my heart for you to-day, it is too
+ full. Filled with a double sorrow, for you, for my own grief.
+ Tears blind me, my pen trembles in my hand. Oh, to be near
+ you! to clasp you in my arms! to draw your head to my bosom,
+ and weep with you! Darling, God comfort you, I cannot.
+
+ "S."
+
+That was all. Yet the sorrowing mother said that no other letter, though
+she appreciated the kind motive that dictated all, yet none comforted
+her as did these few lines. Written from the heart, their simple
+eloquence touched the heart for which they were intended. Early stages
+of great grief reject _comfort_, but they long, with intense longing,
+for sympathy.
+
+LETTERS WRITTEN TO GENTLEMEN should be ceremonious and dignified. If the
+acquaintance is slight, write in the third person, if there is a
+necessity for a letter. If a business letter, be respectful, yet not
+servile. It is better to avoid correspondence with gentlemen,
+particularly whilst you are young, as there are many objections to it.
+Still, if a friend of long standing solicits a correspondence, and your
+parents or husband approve and permit compliance with the request, it
+would be over-prudish to refuse. Write, however, such letters as, if
+they were printed in the newspapers, would cause you no annoyance. If
+the acquaintance admits of a frank, friendly style, be careful that your
+expressions of good will do not become too vehement, and avoid any
+confidential communications. When he begins to ask you to keep such and
+such passages secret, believe me, it is quite time to drop the
+correspondence.
+
+LETTERS OF ENQUIRY, especially if they request a favor, should contain a
+few lines of compliment. If the letter is upon a private subject, such
+as enquiry with regard to the illness or misfortune of a friend, avoid
+making it too brief. To write short, careless letters upon such
+subjects, is unfeeling, and they will surely be attributed to motives of
+obligation or duty, not to interest. Letters of enquiry, referring to
+family matters, should be delicately worded, and appear dictated by
+interest, not mere curiosity. If the enquiry refers to matters
+interesting only to yourself, enclose a postage-stamp for the reply. In
+answering such letters, if they refer to your own health or subjects
+interesting to yourself, thank the writer for the interest expressed,
+and answer in a satisfactory manner. If the answer interests your
+correspondent only, do not reply as if the enquiry annoyed you, but
+express some interest in the matter of the letter, and give as clear and
+satisfactory reply as is in your power.
+
+LETTERS OFFERING FAVORS--Be careful in writing to offer a favor, that
+you do not make your friend feel a heavy weight of obligation by
+over-rating your services. The kindness will be duly appreciated, and
+more highly valued if offered in a delicate manner. Too strong a sense
+of obligation is humiliating, so do not diminish the real value of the
+service by forcing the receiver to acknowledge a fictitious value. Let
+the recipient of your good will feel that it affords you as much
+pleasure to confer the favor as it will give her to receive it. A letter
+accompanying a present, should be short and gracefully worded. The
+affectionate spirit of such little epistles will double the value of the
+gift which they accompany. Never refer to a favor received, in such a
+letter, as that will give your gift the appearance of being payment for
+such favor, and make your letter of about as much value as a tradesman's
+receipted bill.
+
+LETTERS OF THANKS for enquiries made, should be short, merely echoing
+the words of the letter they answer, and contain the answer to the
+question, with an acknowledgement of your correspondent's interest. If
+the letter is your own acknowledgement of a favor conferred, let the
+language be simple, but strong, grateful, and graceful. Fancy that you
+are clasping the hand of the kind friend who has been generous or
+thoughtful for you, and then write, even as you would speak. Never hint
+that you deem such a favor an obligation to be returned at the first
+opportunity; although this may really be the case, it is extremely
+indelicate to say so. In your letter gracefully acknowledge the
+obligation, and if, at a later day, you can return the favor, then let
+actions, not words, prove your grateful recollection of the favor
+conferred upon you. If your letter is written to acknowledge the
+reception of a present, speak of the beauty or usefulness of the gift,
+and of the pleasant associations with her name it will always recall.
+
+LETTERS OF RECOMMENDATION should be truthful, polite, and carefully
+considered. Such letters may be business letters, or they may be given
+to servants, and they must be given only when really deserved. Do not be
+hasty in giving them; remember that you are, in some measure responsible
+for the bearer; therefore, never sacrifice truth and frankness, to a
+mistaken idea of kindness or politeness.
+
+LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION must be left unsealed. They must not contain any
+allusion to the personal qualities of the bearer, as such allusion
+would be about as sure a proof of ill-breeding as if you sat beside your
+friend, and ran over the list of the virtues and talents possessed by
+her. The fact that the person bearing the letter is your friend, will be
+all sufficient reason for cordial reception by the friend to whom the
+letter is addressed. The best form is:--
+
+ PHILADELPHIA, _June 18th, 18--_.
+ MY DEAR MARY:
+
+ This letter will be handed to you by Mrs. C., to whom I am
+ pleased to introduce you, certain that the acquaintance thus
+ formed, between two friends of mine, of so long standing and
+ so much beloved, will be pleasant to both parties. Any
+ attention that you may find it in your power to extend to Mrs.
+ C. whilst she is in your city, will be highly appreciated, and
+ gratefully acknowledged, by
+
+ Your sincere friend
+ A----.
+
+LETTERS OF ADVICE should not be written unsolicited. They will, in all
+probability, even when requested, be unpalatable, and should never be
+sent unless they can really be of service. Write them with frankness and
+sincerity. To write after an act has been committed, and is irrevocable,
+is folly, and it is also unkind. You may inform your friend that, "had
+you been consulted, a different course from the one taken would have
+been recommended," and you may really believe this, yet it will probably
+be false. Seeing the unfavorable result of the wrong course will enable
+you fully to appreciate the wisdom of the right one, but, had you been
+consulted when the matter was doubtful, you would probably have been as
+much puzzled as your friend to judge the proper mode of action. You
+should word a letter of advice delicately, stating your opinion frankly
+and freely, but giving it _as_ an opinion, not as a positive law. If the
+advice is not taken, do not feel offended, as others, more experienced
+than yourself upon the point in question, may have also been consulted.
+Let no selfish motive govern such a letter. Think only of the good or
+evil to result to your friend, and while you may write warmly and
+earnestly, let the motive be a really disinterested one.
+
+LETTERS OF EXCUSE should be frank and graceful. They must be written
+promptly, as soon as the occasion that calls for them admits. If
+delayed, they become insulting. If such a letter is called forth by an
+act of negligence on your own part, apologize for it frankly, and show
+by your tone that you sincerely desire to regain the confidence your
+carelessness has periled. If you have been obliged by positive inability
+to neglect the fulfilment of any promise you have given, or any
+commission you have undertaken, then state the reason for your delay,
+and solicit the indulgence of your friend. Do not write in such stiff,
+formal language that the apology will seem forced from you, but offer
+your excuse frankly, as if with a sincere desire to atone for an act of
+negligence, or remove a ground of offence.
+
+LETTERS OF INTELLIGENCE are generally the answer to letters of enquiry,
+or the statement of certain incidents or facts, interesting both to the
+writer and reader of the letter. Be careful in writing such a letter
+that you have all the facts in exact accordance with the truth. Remember
+that every word is set down against you, if one item of your information
+prove to be false; and do not allow personal opinion or prejudice to
+dictate a single sentence. Never repeat anything gathered from mere
+hearsay, and be careful, in such a letter, that you violate no
+confidence, nor force yourself upon the private affairs of any one. Do
+not let scandal or a mere love of gossip dictate a letter of
+intelligence. If your news is painful, state it as delicately as
+possible, and add a few lines expressive of sympathy. If it is your
+pleasant task to communicate a joyful event, make your letter cheerful
+and gay. If you have written any such letter, and, after sending it,
+find you have made any error in a statement, write, and correct the
+mistake immediately. It may be a trivial error, yet there is no false or
+mistaken news so trifling as to make a correction unnecessary.
+
+INVITATIONS are generally written in the third person, and this form is
+used where the acquaintance is very slight, for formal notes, and cards
+of compliment. The form is proper upon such occasions, but should be
+used only in the most ceremonious correspondence. If this style is
+adopted by a person who has been accustomed to write in a more familiar
+one to you, take it as a hint, that the correspondence has, for some
+reason, become disagreeable, and had better cease.
+
+AUTOGRAPH LETTERS should be very short; merely acknowledging the
+compliment paid by the request for the signature, and a few words
+expressing the pleasure you feel in granting the favor. If you write to
+ask for an autograph, always inclose a postage stamp for the answer.
+
+Date every letter you write accurately, and avoid postscripts.
+
+Politeness, kindness, both demand that every letter you receive must be
+answered. Nothing can give more pleasure in a correspondence, than
+prompt replies. Matters of much importance often rest upon the reply to
+a letter, and therefore this duty should never be delayed. In answering
+friendly letters, it will be found much easier to write what is kind and
+interesting, if you sit down to the task as soon as you read your
+friend's letter. Always mention the date of the letter to which your own
+is a reply.
+
+Never write on a half sheet of paper. Paper is cheap, and a _half_ sheet
+looks both mean and slovenly. If you do not write but three lines, still
+send the whole sheet of paper. Perfectly plain paper, thick, smooth, and
+white, is the most elegant. When in mourning, use paper and envelopes
+with a black edge. Never use the gilt edged, or fancy bordered paper; it
+looks vulgar, and is in bad taste. You may, if you will, have your
+initials stamped at the top of the sheet, and on the seal of the
+envelope, but do not have any fancy ornaments in the corners, or on the
+back of the envelope.
+
+You will be guilty of a great breach of politeness, if you answer either
+a note or letter upon the half sheet of the paper sent by your
+correspondent, even though it may be left blank.
+
+Never write, even the shortest note, in pencil. It looks careless, and
+is rude.
+
+Never write a letter carelessly. It may be addressed to your most
+intimate friend, or your nearest relative, but you can never be sure
+that the eye for which it is intended, will be the _only_ one that sees
+it. I do not mean by this, that the epistle should be in a formal,
+studied _style_, but that it must be correct in its grammatical
+construction, properly punctuated, with every word spelt according to
+rule. Even in the most familiar epistles, observe the proper rules for
+composition; you would not in conversing, even with your own family, use
+incorrect grammar, or impertinent language; therefore avoid saying upon
+paper what you would not say with your tongue.
+
+Notes written in the third person, must be continued throughout in the
+same person; they are frequently very mysterious from the confusion of
+pronouns, yet it is a style of correspondence much used and very proper
+upon many occasions. For compliment, inquiry where there is no intimacy
+between the parties, from superiors to inferiors, the form is elegant
+and proper. If you receive a note written in the third person, reply in
+the same form, but do not reply thus to a more familiar note or letter,
+as it is insulting, and implies offence taken. If you wish to repel
+undue familiarity or impertinence in your correspondent, then reply to
+the epistle in the most formal language, and in the third person.
+
+It is an extraordinary fact, that persons who have received a good
+education, and who use their pens frequently, will often, in writing
+notes, commence in the third person and then use the second or first
+personal pronoun, and finish by a signature; thus--
+
+ Miss Claire's compliments to Mr. James, and wishes to know
+ whether you have finished reading my copy of "Jane Eyre," as
+ if Mr. James had finished it, I would like to lend it to
+ another friend.
+
+ Sincerely yours,
+ ELLA CLAIRE.
+
+The errors in the above are too glaring to need comment, yet, with only
+the alteration of names, it is a copy, _verbatim_, of a note written by
+a well educated girl.
+
+Never sign a note written in the third person, if you begin the note
+with your own name. It is admissible, if the note is worded in this
+way:--
+
+ Will Mr. James return by bearer, the copy of "Jane Eyre" he
+ borrowed, if he has finished reading it, and oblige his
+ sincere friend,
+
+ ELLA CLAIRE.
+
+If you use a quotation, never omit to put it in quotation marks,
+otherwise your correspondent may, however unjustly, accuse you of a
+desire to pass off the idea and words of another, for your own.
+
+Avoid postscripts. Above all, never send an inquiry or compliment in a
+postscript. To write a long letter, upon various subjects, and in the
+postscript desire to be remembered to your friend's family, or inquire
+for their welfare, instead of a compliment, becomes insulting. It is
+better, if you have not time to write again and place such inquiries
+above your signature, to omit them entirely. Nobody likes to see their
+name mentioned as an afterthought.
+
+Punctuate your letters carefully. The want of a mark of punctuation, or
+the incorrect placing of it, will make the most woful confusion. I give
+an instance of the utter absurdity produced by the alteration of
+punctuation marks, turning a sensible paragraph to the most arrant
+nonsense:
+
+"Cæsar entered; on his head his helmet; on his feet armed sandals; upon
+his brow there was a cloud; in his right hand his faithful sword; in his
+eye an angry glare; saying nothing, he sat down."
+
+By using precisely the same words, merely altering the position of the
+punctuation marks, we have--
+
+"Cæsar entered on his head; his helmet on his feet; armed sandals upon
+his brow; there was a cloud in his right hand; his faithful sword in his
+eye; an angry glare saying nothing; he sat down."
+
+Be careful, then, to punctuate properly, that you may convey to the
+reader the exact sense of what is in your mind.
+
+If you receive an impertinent letter, treat it with contempt; do not
+answer it.
+
+Never answer a letter by proxy, when you are able to write yourself. It
+is a mark of respect and love, to answer, in your own hand, all letters
+addressed to you. If you are obliged to write to a friend to refuse to
+grant a favor asked, you will lessen the pain of refusal by wording your
+letter delicately. Loving words, if it is a near friend, respectful,
+kind ones if a mere acquaintance, will make the disagreeable contents of
+the letter more bearable. Try to make the _manner_ smooth and soften the
+hardness of the _matter_.
+
+Every letter must embrace the following particulars: 1st. The date. 2d.
+The complimentary address. 3d. The body of the letter. 4th. The
+complimentary closing. 5th. The signature. 6th. The address.
+
+There are two ways of putting the date, and the address. The first is to
+place them at the top of the sheet, the other is to place them after the
+signature.
+
+When at the top, you write the name of your residence, or that of the
+city in which you reside, with the day of the month and the year, at the
+right hand of the first line of the sheet. Then, at the left hand of the
+next line, write the address, then the complimentary address below the
+name; thus--
+
+ WILLOW GROVE, NEW YORK,
+ _June 27th, 1859_.
+
+ MRS. E. C. HOWELL,
+
+ My dear Madam,
+ I received your letter, etc.
+
+At the end of the letter, on the right hand of the sheet, put the
+complimentary closing, and then the signature; thus--
+
+ I remain, my dear Madam,
+ With much respect,
+ Yours sincerely,
+ S. E. LAW.
+
+If you place the date and address after the signature, put it at the
+left of the sheet; thus--
+
+ I remain, my dear Madam,
+ With much respect,
+ Yours sincerely,
+ S. E. LAW.
+
+ MRS. E. C. HOWELL.
+ _June 27th, 1859._
+
+For a long letter, it is better to put the date and address at the top
+of the page. For a letter of only a few lines, which ends on the first
+page, the second form is best. In a letter written to a person in the
+same city, you need not put the address under the signature; if not,
+write it--
+
+ S. E. LAW,
+ WILLOW GROVE, NEW YORK.
+
+In writing to a dear friend or relative, where there is no formality
+required, you may omit the name at the top of the letter; put the date
+and address thus--
+
+ WILLOW GROVE, NEW YORK,
+ _June 27th, 1859_.
+
+ DEAR ANNA:
+
+ I write, etc.
+
+It is best, however, to put the full name at the bottom of the last
+page, in case the letter is mislaid without the envelope; thus--
+
+ E. C. LAW.
+ MISS ANNA WRIGHT.
+
+If you use an envelope, and this custom is now universal, fold your
+letter neatly to fit into it; then direct on the envelope. Put first the
+name, then the name of the person to whose care the letter must be
+directed, then the street, the city, and State. If the town is small,
+put also the county.
+
+This is the form:--
+
+ MISS ANNA WRIGHT,
+ Care of Mr. John C. Wright,
+ No. 40, Lexington street,
+ Greensburg--Lee County.
+ Mass.
+
+If the city is a large one, New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore, or any of
+the principal cities of the Union, you may omit the name of the county.
+If your letter is to go abroad, add the name of the country: as,
+England, or France, in full, under that of the city.
+
+The name of the state is usually abbreviated, and for the use of my
+readers, I give the names of the United States with their abbreviations:
+
+Maine, Me. New Hampshire, N. H. Vermont, Vt. Massachusetts, Mass. Rhode
+Island, R. I. Connecticut, Conn. New York, N. Y. New Jersey, N. J.
+Pennsylvania, Pa., or, Penn. Delaware, Del. Maryland, Md. Virginia, Va.
+North Carolina, N. C. South Carolina, S. C. Georgia, Ga., or, Geo.
+Alabama, Ala. Mississippi, Miss. Missouri, Mo. Louisiana, La. Tennessee,
+Tenn. Kentucky, Ky. Indiana, Ind. Ohio, O. Michigan, Mich. Illinois,
+Ill. Wisconsin, Wis. Arkansas, Ark. Texas, Tex. Iowa, Io. Florida, Flo.
+Oregon, O. California, Cal. Minnesota, Minn. District of Columbia, D. C.
+If you are writing from another country to America, put United States of
+America after the name of the state.
+
+On the upper right hand corner of your envelope, put your postage-stamp.
+
+If you send a letter by private hand, write the name of the bearer in
+the lower left hand corner, thus:
+
+ MRS. E. A. HOWELL,
+ Clinton Place,
+ Boston.
+
+ Mr. G. G. Lane.
+
+In directing to any one who can claim any prefix, or addition, to his
+proper name do not omit to put that "republican title." For a clergyman,
+Rev. for Reverend is put before the name, thus:--
+
+ REV. JAMES C. DAY.
+
+For a bishop:
+
+ RIGHT REVEREND E. BANKS.
+
+For a physician:
+
+ DR. JAMES CURTIS.
+
+ or,
+
+ JAMES CURTIS, M.D.
+
+For a member of Congress:
+
+ HON. E. C. DELTA.
+
+For an officer in the navy:
+
+ CAPT. HENRY LEE, U. S. N.
+
+For an officer in the army:
+
+ COL. EDWARD HOLMES, U. S. A.
+
+For a professor:
+
+ PROF. E. L. JAMES.
+
+If the honorary addition, LL.D., A. M., or any such title belongs to
+your correspondent, add it to his name on the envelope, thus:--
+
+ J. L. PETERS, LL.D.
+
+If you seal with wax, it is best to put a drop under the turn-over, and
+fasten this down firmly before you drop the wax that is to receive the
+impression.
+
+Cards of compliment are usually written in the third person. I give a
+few of the most common and proper forms.
+
+For a party:
+
+ Miss Lee's compliments to Mr. Bates, for Wednesday evening,
+ Nov. 18th, at 8 o'clock.
+
+Addressed to a lady:
+
+ Miss Lee requests the pleasure of Miss Howard's company on
+ Wednesday evening, Nov. 18th, at 8 o'clock.
+
+For a ball, the above form, with the word _Dancing_, in the left hand
+corner.
+
+Invitations to dinner or tea specify the entertainment thus:
+
+ Mrs. Garret's compliments to Mr. and Mrs. Howard, and requests
+ the pleasure of their company to dine (or take tea) on
+ Wednesday, Nov. 6th, at 6 o'clock.
+
+The form for answering, is:--
+
+ Miss Howard accepts with pleasure Miss Lee's polite invitation
+ for Wednesday evening.
+
+ or,
+
+ Miss Howard regrets that a prior engagement will prevent her
+ accepting Miss Lee's polite invitation for Wednesday evening.
+
+ Mr. and Mrs. Howard's compliments to Mrs. Garret, and accept
+ with pleasure her kind invitation for Wednesday.
+
+ or,
+
+ Mrs. Howard regrets that the severe illness of Mr. Howard will
+ render it impossible for either herself or Mr. Howard to join
+ Mrs. Garret's party on Wednesday next.
+
+Upon visiting cards, left when the caller is about to leave the city,
+the letters _p. p. c._ are put in the left hand corner, they are the
+abbreviation of the French words, _pour prendre congé_, or may, with
+equal propriety, stand for _presents parting compliments_. Another form,
+_p. d. a._, _pour dire adieu_, may be used.
+
+No accomplishment within the scope of human knowledge is so beautiful in
+all its features as that of epistolary correspondence. Though distance,
+absence, and circumstances may separate the holiest alliances of
+friendship, or those who are bound together by the still stronger ties
+of affection, yet the power of interchanging thoughts, words, feelings,
+and sentiments, through the medium of letters, adds a sweetness to the
+pain of separation, renovating to life, and adding to happiness.
+
+The wide ocean may roll between those who have passed the social years
+of youth together, or the snow-capped Alps may rise in sublime grandeur,
+separating early associates; still young remembrances may be called up,
+and the paradise of memory made to bloom afresh with unwithered flowers
+of holy recollection.
+
+Though we see not eye to eye and face to face, where the soft music of a
+loved voice may fall with its richness upon the ear, yet the very soul
+and emotions of the mind may be poured forth in such melody as to touch
+the heart "that's far away," and melt down the liveliest eye into tears
+of ecstatic rapture.
+
+Without the ability to practice the refined art of epistolary
+correspondence, men would become cold and discordant: an isolated
+compound of misanthropy. They would fall off in forsaken fragments from
+the great bond of union which now adorns and beautifies all society.
+Absence, distance, and time would cut the silken cords of parental,
+brotherly, and even connubial affection. Early circumstances would be
+lost in forgetfulness, and the virtues of reciprocal friendship "waste
+their sweetness on the desert air."
+
+Since, then, the art and practice of letter-writing is productive of so
+much refined and social happiness, a laudable indulgence in it must ever
+be commendable. While it elevates the noble faculties of the mind, it
+also chastens the disposition, and improves those intellectual powers
+which would otherwise remain dormant and useless.
+
+Notwithstanding the various beauties and pleasures attendant upon the
+accomplishment, yet there are many who have given it but a slight
+portion of their attention, and have, therefore, cause to blush at their
+own ignorance when necessity demands its practice. There is no better
+mode by which to test the acquirements of either a young lady or
+gentleman than from their letters.
+
+Letters are among the most useful forms of composition. There are few
+persons, who can read or write at all, who do not frequently have
+occasion to write them; and an elegant letter is much more rare than an
+elegant specimen of any other kind of writing.
+
+The more rational and elevated the topics are, on which you write, the
+less will you care for your letters being seen, or for paragraphs being
+read out of them; and where there is no need of any secrecy, it is best
+not to bind your friend by promises, but to leave it to her discretion.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+POLITE DEPORTMENT, AND GOOD HABITS.
+
+
+Lord Chesterfield says, "Good sense and good nature suggest civility in
+general; but in good breeding there are a thousand little delicacies
+which are established only by custom."
+
+It is the knowledge and practice of such "little delicacies" which
+constitutes the greatest charm of society.
+
+Manner may be, and, in most cases, probably is, the cloak of the heart;
+this cloak may be used to cover defects, but is it not better so to
+conceal these defects, than to flaunt and parade them in the eyes of all
+whom we may meet?
+
+Many persons plead a love of truth as an apology for rough manners, as
+if truth was never gentle and kind, but always harsh, morose, and
+forbidding. Surely good manners and a good conscience are no more
+inconsistent with each other than beauty and innocence, which are
+strikingly akin, and always look the better for companionship. Roughness
+and honesty are indeed sometimes found together in the same person, but
+he is a poor judge of human nature who takes ill-manners to be a
+guarantee of probity of character. Some persons object to politeness,
+that its language is unmeaning and false. But this is easily answered.
+A lie is not locked up in a phrase, but must exist, if at all, in the
+mind of the speaker. In the ordinary compliments of civilized life,
+there is no intention to deceive, and consequently no falsehood. Polite
+language is pleasant to the ear, and soothing to the heart, while rough
+words are just the reverse; and if not the product of ill temper, are
+very apt to produce it. The plainest of truths, let it be remembered,
+can be conveyed in civil speech, while the most malignant lies may find
+utterance, and often do, in the language of the fishmarket.
+
+Many ladies say, "Oh, I am perfectly frank and outspoken; I never stop
+to mince words," or, "there is no affectation about me; all my actions
+are perfectly natural," and, upon the ground of frankness, will insult
+and wound by rude language, and defend awkwardness and ill-breeding by
+the plea of "natural manners."
+
+If nature has not invested you with all the virtues which may be
+desirable in a lady, do not make your faults more conspicuous by
+thrusting them forward upon all occasions, and at all times. "Assume a
+virtue if you have it not," and you will, in time, by imitation, acquire
+it.
+
+By endeavoring to _appear_ generous, disinterested, self-sacrificing,
+and amiable, the opposite passions will be brought into subjection,
+first in the manner, afterwards in the heart. It is not the desire to
+deceive, but the desire to please, which will dictate such a course.
+When you hear one, who pretends to be a lady, boast that she is rough,
+capricious, and gluttonous, you may feel sure that she has never tried
+to conquer these faults, or she would be ashamed, not proud, of them.
+
+The way to make yourself pleasing to others, is to show that you care
+for them. The whole world is like the miller at Mansfield, "who cared
+for nobody--no, not he--because nobody cared for him." And the whole
+world will serve you so, if you give them the same cause. Let every one,
+therefore, see that you do care for them, by showing them, what Sterne
+so happily calls, "the small, sweet courtesies of life," those
+courtesies in which there is no parade; whose voice is too still to
+tease, and which manifest themselves by tender and affectionate looks,
+and little, kind acts of attention, giving others the preference in
+every little enjoyment at the table, in the field, walking, sitting, or
+standing.
+
+Thus the first rule for a graceful manner is unselfish consideration of
+others.
+
+By endeavoring to acquire the habit of politeness, it will soon become
+familiar, and sit on you with ease, if not with elegance. Let it never
+be forgotten, that genuine politeness is a great fosterer of family
+love; it allays accidental irritation, by preventing harsh retorts and
+rude contradictions; it softens the boisterous, stimulates the indolent,
+suppresses selfishness, and by forming a habit of consideration for
+others, harmonizes the whole. Politeness begets politeness, and brothers
+may be easily won by it, to leave off the rude ways they bring home from
+school or college. Sisters ought never to receive any little attention
+without thanking them for it, never to ask a favor of them but in
+courteous terms, never to reply to their questions in monosyllables,
+and they will soon be ashamed to do such things themselves. Both
+precept and example ought to be laid under contribution, to convince
+them that no one can have really good manners abroad, who is not
+habitually polite at home.
+
+If you wish to be a well-bred lady, you must carry your good manners
+everywhere with you. It is not a thing that can be laid aside and put on
+at pleasure. True politeness is uniform disinterestedness in trifles,
+accompanied by the calm self-possession which belongs to a noble
+simplicity of purpose; and this must be the effect of a Christian spirit
+running through all you do, or say, or think; and, unless you cultivate
+it and exercise it, upon all occasions and towards all persons, it will
+never be a part of yourself.
+
+It is not an art to be paraded upon public occasions, and neglected in
+every-day duties; nor should it, like a ball-dress, be carefully laid
+aside at home, trimmed, ornamented, and worn only when out. Let it come
+into every _thought_, and it will show forth in every _action_. Let it
+be the rule in the homeliest duties, and then it will set easily when in
+public, not in a stiff manner, like a garment seldom worn.
+
+I wish it were possible to convince every woman that politeness is a
+most excellent good quality; that it is a necessary ingredient in social
+comfort, and a capital assistant to actual prosperity. Like most good
+things, however, the word politeness is often misunderstood and
+misapplied; and before urging the practical use of that which it
+represents, it may be necessary to say what it means, and what it does
+not mean.
+
+Politeness is not hypocrisy:--cold-heartedness, or unkindness in
+disguise. There are persons who can smile upon a victim, and talk
+smoothly, while they injure, deceive, or betray. And they will take
+credit to themselves, that all has been done with the utmost
+_politeness_; that every tone, look, and action, has been in perfect
+keeping with the rules of good breeding. "The words of their mouth are
+smoother than butter, but war is in their heart: their words are softer
+than oil, yet are they drawn swords." Perish for ever and ever such
+spurious politeness as this!
+
+Politeness is not servility. If it were so, a Russian serf would be a
+model of politeness. It is very possible for persons to be very cringing
+and obsequious, without a single atom of politeness; and it often
+happens that men of the most sturdy independence of character, are
+essentially polite in all their words, actions, and feelings. It were
+well for this to be fully understood, for many people will abstain from
+acts of real politeness, and even of common civility, for fear of
+damaging their fancied independence.
+
+True politeness, as I understand it, is kindness and courtesy of feeling
+brought into every-day exercise. It comprehends hearty good will towards
+everybody, thorough and constant good-humor, an easy deportment, and
+obliging manners. Every person who cultivates such feelings, and takes
+no pains to conceal them, will necessarily be polite, though she may not
+exactly know it; while, on the other hand, a woman essentially morose
+and selfish, whatever may be her pretensions, must be very far from
+truly polite.
+
+It is very true there are those whose position in society compels them
+to observe certain rules of etiquette which pass for politeness. They
+bow or courtesy with a decent grace; shake hands with the precise degree
+of vigor which the circumstances of the case require; speak just at the
+right time, and in the required manner, and smile with elegant
+propriety. Not a tone, look, or gesture, is out of place; not a habit
+indulged which etiquette forbids; and yet, there will be wanting, after
+all, the secret charm of sincerity and heart kindness, which those
+outward signs are intended to represent; and, wanting which, we have
+only the form, without the essence, of politeness.
+
+Let me recommend, therefore, far beyond all the rules ever penned by
+teachers of etiquette, the cultivation of kind and loving feelings.
+Throw your whole soul into the lesson, and you will advance rapidly
+towards the perfection of politeness, for "out of the abundance of the
+heart the mouth speaketh," and the movements of your form and the words
+you utter will follow faithfully the hidden springs of action within.
+
+There cannot be genuine good breeding to any happy degree, where there
+is not self-respect. It is that which imparts ease and confidence to our
+manners, and impels us, for our own sake, as well as for the sake of
+others, to behave becomingly as intelligent beings.
+
+It is a want of true politeness that introduces the discord and
+confusion which too often make our homes unhappy. A little consideration
+for the feelings of those whom we are bound to love and cherish, and a
+little sacrifice of our own wills, would, in multitudes of instances,
+make all the difference between alienation and growing affection. The
+principle of genuine politeness would accomplish this; and what a pity
+it is that those whose only spring of rational enjoyment is to be found
+at _home_, should miss that enjoyment by a disregard of little things,
+which, after all, make up the sum of human existence!
+
+What a large amount of actual discomfort in domestic life would be
+prevented, if all children were trained, both by precept and example, to
+the practice of common politeness! If they were taught to speak
+respectfully to parents, and brothers, and sisters, to friends,
+neighbors, and strangers, what bawlings, and snarlings would be stilled!
+If their behavior within doors, and especially at the table, were
+regulated by a few of the common rules of good breeding, how much
+natural and proper disgust would be spared! If courtesy of demeanor,
+towards all whom they meet in field or highway, were instilled, how much
+more pleasant would be our town travels, and our rustic rambles! Every
+parent has a personal interest in this matter; and if every parent would
+but make the needful effort, a great degree of gross incivility, and
+consequent annoyance, would soon be swept away from our hearths and
+homes.
+
+Whilst earnestly endeavoring to acquire true politeness, avoid that
+spurious imitation, affectation. It is to genuine politeness and good
+breeding, what the showy paste is to the pure diamond. It is the
+offspring of a sickly taste, a deceitful heart, and a sure proof of low
+breeding.
+
+The certain test of affectation in any individual, is the looking,
+speaking, moving, or acting in any way different when in the presence of
+others, especially those whose opinion we regard and whose approbation
+we desire, from what we should do in solitude, or in the presence of
+those only whom we disregard, or who we think cannot injure or benefit
+us. The motive for resisting affectation is, that it is both
+unsuccessful and sinful. It always involves a degree of hypocrisy, which
+is exceedingly offensive in the sight of God, which is generally
+detected even by men, and which, when detected, exposes its subject to
+contempt which could never have been excited by the mere absence of any
+quality or possession, as it is by the false assumption of what is not
+real. The best cure for affectation is the cultivation, on principle, of
+every good, virtuous, and amiable habit and feeling, not for the sake of
+being approved or admired, but because it is right in itself, and
+without considering what people will think of it. Thus a real character
+will be formed instead of a part being assumed, and admiration and love
+will be spontaneously bestowed where they are really deserved.
+Artificial manners are easily seen through; and the result of such
+observations, however accomplished and beautiful the object may be, is
+contempt for such littleness.
+
+Many ladies, moving, too, in good society, will affect a forward, bold
+manner, very disagreeable to persons of sense. They will tell of their
+wondrous feats, when engaged in pursuits only suited for men; they will
+converse in a loud, boisterous tone; laugh loudly; sing comic songs, or
+dashing bravuras in a style only fit for the stage or a gentleman's
+after-dinner party; they will lay wagers, give broad hints and then
+brag of their success in forcing invitations or presents; interlard
+their conversation with slang words or phrases suited only to the stable
+or bar-room, and this they think is a dashing, fascinating manner. It
+may be encouraged, admired, in their presence, by gentlemen, and
+imitated by younger ladies, but, be sure, it is looked upon with
+contempt, and disapproval by every one of good sense, and that to
+persons of real refinement it is absolutely disgusting.
+
+Other ladies, taking quite as mistaken a view of real refinement, will
+affect the most childish timidity, converse only in whispers, move
+slowly as an invalid, faint at the shortest notice, and on the slightest
+provocation; be easily moved to tears, and profess never to eat, drink,
+or sleep. This course is as absurd as the other, and much more
+troublesome, as everybody dreads the scene which will follow any shock
+to the dear creature's nerves, and will be careful to avoid any
+dangerous topics.
+
+Self-respect, and a proper deference for our superiors in age or
+intellect, will be the best safeguards against either a cringing or
+insolent manner.
+
+Without self-respect you will be apt to be both awkward and bashful;
+either of which faults are entirely inconsistent with a graceful manner.
+Be careful that while you have sufficient self-respect to make your
+manner easy, it does not become arrogance and so engender insolence.
+Avoid sarcasm; it will, unconsciously to yourself, degenerate into
+pertness, and often downright rudeness. Do not be afraid to speak
+candidly, but temper candor with courtesy, and never let wit run into
+that satire that will wound deeply, whilst it amuses only slightly.
+
+Let your carriage be at once dignified and graceful. There are but few
+figures that will bear quick motion; with almost every one its effect is
+that of a jerk, a most awkward movement. Let the feet, in walking or
+dancing, be turned out slightly; when you are seated, rest them both on
+the floor or a footstool. To sit with the knees or feet crossed or
+doubled up, is awkward and unlady-like. Carry your arms, in walking,
+easily; never crossing them stiffly or swinging them beside you. When
+seated, if you are not sewing or knitting, keep your hands perfectly
+quiet. This, whilst one of the most difficult accomplishments to attain,
+is the surest mark of a lady. Do not fidget, playing with your rings,
+brooch, or any little article that may be near you; let your hands rest
+in an easy, natural position, perfectly quiet.
+
+Never gesticulate when conversing; it looks theatrical, and is ill-bred;
+so are all contortions of the features, shrugging of shoulders, raising
+of the eyebrows, or hands.
+
+When you open a conversation, do so with a slight bow and smile, but be
+careful not to simper, and not to smile too often, if the conversation
+becomes serious.
+
+Never point. It is excessively ill-bred.
+
+Avoid exclamations; they are in excessively bad taste, and are apt to be
+vulgar words. A lady may express as much polite surprise or concern by a
+few simple, earnest words, or in her manner, as she can by exclaiming
+"Good gracious!" "Mercy!" or "Dear me!"
+
+Remember that every part of your person and dress should be in perfect
+order before you leave the dressing-room, and avoid all such tricks as
+smoothing your hair with your hand, arranging your curls, pulling the
+waist of your dress down, or settling your collar or sleeves.
+
+Avoid lounging attitudes, they are indelicate, except in your own
+private apartment. Nothing but ill health will excuse them before
+company, and a lady had better keep her room if she is too feeble to sit
+up in the drawing-room.
+
+Let your deportment suit your age and figure; to see a tiny, fairy-like
+young girl, marching erect, stiff, and awkwardly, like a soldier on
+parade, is not more absurd than to see a middle-aged, portly woman,
+aping the romping, hoydenish manners of a school-girl.
+
+Let the movements be easy and flexible, and accord with the style of the
+lady.
+
+Let your demeanor be always marked by modesty and simplicity; as soon as
+you become forward or affected, you have lost your greatest charm of
+manner.
+
+You should be quite as anxious to _talk_ with propriety as you are to
+think, work, sing, paint, or write, according to the most correct rules.
+
+Always select words calculated to convey an exact impression of your
+meaning.
+
+Let your articulation be easy, clear, correct in accent, and suited in
+tone and emphasis to your discourse.
+
+Avoid a muttering, mouthing, stuttering, droning, guttural, nasal, or
+lisping, pronunciation.
+
+Let your speech be neither too loud nor too low; but adjusted to the ear
+of your companion. Try to prevent the necessity of any person crying,
+"What? What?"
+
+Avoid a loquacious propensity; you should never occupy more than your
+share of the time, or more than is agreeable to others.
+
+Beware of such vulgar interpolations as "You know," "You see," "I'll
+tell you what."
+
+Pay a strict regard to the rules of grammar, even in private
+conversation. If you do not understand these rules, learn them, whatever
+be your age or station.
+
+Though you should always speak pleasantly, do not mix your conversation
+with loud bursts of laughter.
+
+Never indulge in uncommon words, or in Latin and French phrases, but
+choose the best understood terms to express your meaning.
+
+Above all, let your conversation be intellectual, graceful, chaste,
+discreet, edifying, and profitable.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+CONDUCT IN CHURCH.
+
+
+In entering a church of a different denomination from the one you have
+been in the habit of frequenting, ask the sexton to show you to a seat.
+It is the height of rudeness to enter a pew without invitation, as the
+owner may desire, if her family do not require all the seats, to invite
+her own personal friends to take the vacant places. If you are not
+perfectly familiar with the manner of conducting the worship, observe
+those around you, rise, kneel, and sit, as you see they do. It is a mark
+of disrespect for the pastor as well as irreverence for the Most High,
+to remain seated through the whole service, unless you are ill, or
+otherwise incapacitated from standing and kneeling.
+
+Enter the sacred edifice slowly, reverentially, and take your seat
+quietly. It is not required of you to bow to any friend you may see in
+passing up the aisle, as you are supposed yourself to be, and suppose
+her to be entirely absorbed in thought proper for the occasion. To stare
+round the church, or if you are not alone, to whisper to your companion,
+is irreverent, indelicate, and rude. If your own feelings will not
+prompt you to silence and reverence, pay some regard to the feelings of
+others.
+
+Be careful not to appear to notice those around you. If others are so
+rude as to talk or conduct improperly, fix your own mind upon the
+worship which you come to pay, and let the impertinence pass unheeded.
+
+If there is another person in the same pew with yourself, who, more
+familiar with the service, hands you the book, or points out the place,
+acknowledge the civility by a silent bow; it is not necessary to speak.
+
+In your own pew, extend this courtesy to a stranger who may come in
+beside you, and even if it is a gentleman you may, with perfect
+propriety, hand him a book, or, if there is but one, offer him a share
+of your own.
+
+Endeavor always to be in your seat before the service commences, and
+after it is over do not hurry away, and, above all, do not begin your
+preparations for departure, by shutting up your book, or putting on any
+article of dress you have removed, before the benediction.
+
+If you are invited to accompany a friend to church, be sure you are
+ready in good season, that you may not keep her waiting when she calls,
+or cause her to lose any part of the service by detaining her at your
+house. If you invite a friend to take a seat in your pew, call for her
+early, give her the most comfortable place, and be sure she has a prayer
+and hymn-book.
+
+If you are invited to stand as god-mother to a friend's child, be at the
+house of the parents in season to accompany the family to church, and
+send, the day before, the gift you design for the babe. A silver cup is
+the usual present, with your little namesake's initials, or full name,
+engraved upon it.
+
+In assisting at a wedding at church, if you are one of the bridesmaids,
+wear white, a white bonnet but no veil. If you occupy the first place,
+the bride's, it is in better taste to be married in a simple dress and
+bonnet, and don your full dress when you return home to receive your
+friends. In such ceremonies the wedding-party all meet in the vestry,
+and go to the altar together.[A]
+
+[A] For further particulars, see chapter on Bridal Etiquette.
+
+At a funeral, enter the church quietly, and, unless you belong to the
+mourners, wait until they leave the church before you rise from your
+seat. Never attempt to speak to any of the afflicted family. However
+heartfelt your sympathy, it will not be welcome at that time.
+
+If, when entering a crowded church, a gentleman sees you and offers his
+seat, acknowledge his civility, whether accepted or declined, by a bow,
+and a whispered "thank you." Many, who claim the name of lady, and think
+they are well-bred, will accept such an act of politeness without making
+the slightest acknowledgement. If the service has commenced, do not
+speak; a courteous inclination of the head will convey your sense of
+obligation.
+
+Remember, as an imperative, general rule, in whatever church you may be,
+whether at home or abroad, conform to the mode of worship whilst you are
+in that church. If you find, in these modes, forms which are
+disagreeable to you, or which shock your own ideas of religion, avoid a
+second visit, but do not insult the congregation, by showing your
+contempt or disapproval, whilst you are among them. Silence, quiet
+attention, and a grave, reverential demeanor, mark the Christian lady in
+church.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+BALL ROOM ETIQUETTE.
+
+FOR THE HOSTESS.
+
+
+When you have decided upon what evening you will give your ball, send
+out your invitations, a fortnight before the evening appointed. To
+ladies, word them:--
+
+ Mrs. L---- requests the pleasure of Miss G----'s company on
+ Wednesday evening, Jan. 17th, at 9 o'clock.
+
+ _Dancing._
+
+ The favor of an early answer is requested.
+
+To gentlemen:--
+
+ Mrs. L----'s compliments to Mr. R---- for Wednesday evening,
+ Jan. 17th, at 9 o'clock.
+
+ _Dancing._
+
+ The favor of an early answer is requested.
+
+If you are unmarried, put your mother's name with your own upon the
+cards. If you have a father or grown-up brother, let the invitations to
+the gentlemen go in his name.
+
+In making your list for a ball, do not set down _all_ of your "dear
+five hundred friends." The middle-aged, (unless they come as chaperons,)
+the serious, and the sober-minded, will not accept your invitation, and
+the two last named may consider it insulting to be invited to so
+frivolous an amusement. By the way, I do not agree with the
+straight-laced people, who condemn all such amusements. I agree with
+Madame Pilau. When the curé of her parish told her he was writing a
+series of sermons against dancing, she said to him:
+
+"You are talking of what you do not understand. _You_ have never been to
+a ball, _I_ have; and I assure you there is no sin in the matter worthy
+of mention or notice."
+
+If you really wish for dancing, you will accommodate your guests to your
+rooms, inviting one third more than they will hold, as about that number
+generally disappoint a ball-giver. If you wish to have a rush of people,
+and do not mind heat, crowding, and discomfort, to insure an immense
+assembly, (a ball to be talked about for its size only,) then you may
+invite every body who figures upon your visiting list.
+
+Over one hundred is a "large ball," under that a "ball," unless there
+are less than fifty guests, when it is merely a "dance."
+
+The directions given in chapter 5th for the arrangement of the
+dressing-rooms will apply here, but your parlor, or ball room, requires
+some attention. Have the carpets taken up two days before the evening of
+the ball, and the floor waxed. A smooth, polished floor is an absolute
+necessity for pleasant dancing. At one end of your ball room, have a
+space partitioned off for the musicians. Leave, for their use, plenty of
+room, as silence or discord will come from a crowded orchestra. If your
+house is double, and you use the rooms on each side, place the musicians
+in the hall.
+
+Four pieces of music is enough for a private ball, unless your rooms are
+very large. For one room a piano, violin, and violoncello makes a good
+band.
+
+You must have your rooms well ventilated if you wish to avoid fainting
+and discomfort.
+
+To secure a really brilliant ball, pay considerable attention to the
+arrangement of your ball room. In Paris this arrangement consists in
+turning the room, for the evening, into a perfect garden. Every corner
+is filled with flowers. Wreaths, bouquets, baskets, and flowering-plants
+in moss-covered pots. With brilliant light, and taste in the details of
+arranging them, this profusion of flowers produces an exquisitely
+beautiful effect, and harmonizes perfectly with the light dresses,
+cheerful faces, and gay music. The pleasure of your guests, as well as
+the beauty of the rooms, will be increased by the elegance of your
+arrangements; their beauty will be heightened by brilliant light, and by
+judicious management a scene of fairy-like illusion may be produced.
+
+Not only in the ball room itself, but in the hall, supper-room, and
+dressing-rooms, place flowers. A fine effect is produced, by placing a
+screen, covered with green and flowers, before the space set apart for
+the musicians. To hear the music proceeding from behind this floral
+embankment, and yet have the scraping and puffing men invisible, adds
+very much to the illusion of the scene.
+
+In the dressing-rooms have, at least, two servants for each. Let them
+take the cloaks and hoods, and put a numbered ticket upon each bundle,
+handing the duplicate number to the lady or gentleman owning it.
+
+It is best to have the supper-room upon the same floor as the ball room.
+The light dresses, worn upon such occasions, suffer severely in passing
+up and down a crowded staircase.
+
+Have a number of double cards written or printed with a list of the
+dances, arranged in order, upon one side, and a space for engagements
+upon the other. Attach a small pencil to each. Let a waiter stand at the
+entrance to the ball room, and hand a card to each guest as they pass
+in.
+
+The first strain of music must be a march; then follows a quadrille,
+then a waltz. Other dances follow in any order you prefer until the
+fourteenth, which should be the march which announces supper. If you
+throw open the supper-room, early, and the guests go out when they wish,
+the march may be omitted. Twenty-one to twenty-four dances are
+sufficient. Have an interval of ten minutes after each one.
+
+The supper-room should be thrown open at midnight, and remain open until
+your last guest has departed. Let it be brilliantly lighted, and have
+plenty of waiters in attendance.
+
+There can be no rule laid down for the supper. It may be hot or heavily
+iced. It may consist entirely of confectionary, or it may include the
+bill of fare for a hotel table. One rule you must observe; have
+abundance of everything. Other entertainments may be given upon
+economical principles, but a ball cannot. Light, attendance, supper,
+every detail must be carefully attended to, and a ball must be an
+expensive luxury.
+
+At a ball-supper every one stands up. The waiters will hand refreshment
+from the tables to the gentlemen, who, in turn, wait upon the ladies.
+
+You must bring forth your whole array of smiles, when you perform the
+part of hostess in a ball room. As your guests will come dropping in at
+all hours, you must hover near the door to greet each one entering.
+There will be many strangers amongst the gentlemen. Miss G. will bring
+her fiancée. Miss L., her brother, just returned, after ten years'
+absence, from India. Miss R. introduces her cousin, in the city for a
+week. Miss M., as a belle, will, perhaps, take the liberty of telling
+some ten or twelve of her most devoted admirers where she may be seen on
+the evening of your ball, and, though strangers, they will, one after
+another, bow over your hand. To each and every one you must extend the
+amiable greeting due to an invited guest. If you are the only lady of
+the house, your duties will, indeed, be laborious. You must be
+everywhere at the same moment. Not a guest must pass unwelcomed. You
+must introduce partners to all the wall-flowers. You must see that every
+set is made up before the music commences. Each guest must be introduced
+to a proper partner for every dance, and not one frown, one pettish
+word, one look of fatigue, one sigh of utter weariness must disturb your
+smiling serenity. You must be ready to chat cheerfully with every bore
+who detains you, when crossing the room, to make up a set of quadrilles
+in a minute's time; listen patiently to the sighing lover, whose fair
+one is engaged fifty times during twenty dances; secure a good dancer
+for each longing belle; do the same for the beaux; yet you must never be
+hurried, worried, or fatigued.
+
+If there are several ladies, a mother and two or three daughters, for
+instance, divide the duties. Let one receive the guests, another arrange
+the sets, a third introduce couples, and a fourth pair off the talkers.
+A brother or father will be a treasure in a ball room, as the standing
+of sets can be better managed by a gentleman than a lady.
+
+None of the ladies who give the ball should dance until every fair guest
+has a partner.
+
+One of your duties will be to see that no young ladies lose their supper
+for want of an escort to ask them to go out. You may give the hint to an
+intimate gentleman friend, if there is no brother or father to take the
+duty, introduce him to the disconsolate damsel, and send her off happy.
+If all the guests go to the supper-room when it is first thrown open,
+you must be the last to leave the ball room. For the hostess to take the
+lead to the supper-room, leaving her guests to pair off, and follow as
+they please, is in very bad taste.
+
+If you announce supper by a march, many of your guests will remain in
+the ball room, to promenade, avoid the crowd at the first table, and
+indulge in a tête-à-tête conversation. These will afterwards go out, in
+pairs, when the first crush in the refreshment-room is over.
+
+If, by accident or negligence, you miss an introduction to any of your
+gentlemen guests, you may still speak to them if you wish. It is your
+privilege as hostess to introduce yourself, and invite any gentleman to
+dance with you, or offer to introduce him to a partner. In the latter
+case he ought to mention his name, but if he omits to do so, you may ask
+it.
+
+There has been a custom introduced in some of our large cities lately,
+which is an admirable one for a private ball. It is to hire, for the
+evening, a public hall. This includes the dressing-room, supper-room,
+every comfort, and saves you from the thousand annoyances which are
+certain to follow a ball in a private house. You hire the hall and other
+rooms, the price including light, hire a band of music, and order a
+supper at a confectioners, hiring from his establishment all the china,
+glass, and silver you will want. In this case you must enclose in every
+invitation a ticket to admit your friend's party, to prevent loungers
+from the street coming in, uninvited.
+
+You will, perhaps, find the actual outlay of money greater, when you
+thus hire your ball room, but you will save more than the difference in
+labor, annoyance, and the injury to your house. You secure a better room
+than any parlor, you have the floor waxed and polished without the
+trouble of taking up your carpets. You save all the dreadful labor of
+cleaning up the house the next day, as well as that of preparation.
+
+You can, if you wish, invite a few friends to a late dinner with you,
+and all proceed to the ball room together. You must be the first to
+enter the room, the last to leave it, and every duty is the same as if
+you were at home; the ball room is, in fact, your own house, for the
+evening.
+
+If you wish your guests to come in costume for a fancy ball, name the
+character of the entertainment in your invitation.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+BALL ROOM ETIQUETTE.
+
+FOR THE GUEST.
+
+
+As in every other case where hospitality is extended to you by
+invitation, you must send your answer as soon as possible, accepting or
+declining the civility.
+
+In preparing a costume for a ball, choose something very light. Heavy,
+dark silks are out of place in a ball room, and black should be worn in
+no material but lace. For a married lady, rich silk of some light color,
+trimmed with flowers, lace, or tulle; white silk plain, or lace over
+satin, make an exquisite toilette. Jewels are perfectly appropriate;
+also feathers in the _coiffure_.
+
+For the young lady, pure white or light colors should be worn, and the
+most appropriate dress is of some thin material made over silk, white,
+or the same color as the outer dress. Satin or velvet are entirely out
+of place on a young lady. Let the _coiffure_ be of flowers or ribbons,
+never feathers, and but very little jewelry is becoming to an unmarried
+lady. All ladies must wear boots or slippers of satin, white, black, or
+the color of the dress. White are the most appropriate; black, the most
+becoming to the foot. White kid gloves, full trimmed, a fine lace
+trimmed handkerchief, and a fan, are indispensable. Be very careful,
+when dressing for a ball, that the hair is firmly fastened, and the
+_coiffure_ properly adjusted. Nothing is more annoying than to have the
+hair loosen or the head-dress fall off in a crowded ball room.
+
+Your first duty, upon entering the room, is to speak to your hostess.
+After a few words of greeting, turn to the other guests.
+
+At a private ball, no lady will refuse an introduction to a gentleman.
+It is an insult to her hostess, implying that her guests are _not
+gentlemen_. It is optional with the lady whether to continue or drop the
+acquaintance after the ball is over, but for that evening, however
+disagreeable, etiquette requires her to accept him for _one_ dance, if
+she is disengaged, and her hostess requests it. At a public ball, it is
+safest to decline all introductions made by the master of ceremonies,
+though, as before, such acquaintances are not binding after the evening
+is over.
+
+Be very careful how you refuse to dance with a gentleman. A prior
+engagement will, of course, excuse you, but if you plead fatigue, or
+really feel it, do not dance the set with another gentleman; it is most
+insulting, though sometimes done. On the other hand, be careful that you
+do not engage yourself twice for the same quadrille. In a polka or
+valse, you may do this, saying, "I will dance the second half with you,
+but have a prior engagement for the first." Then, after a few rounds
+with your first partner, say to him that you are engaged for the
+remainder of the dance, resume your seat, and your second partner will
+seek you.
+
+Let your manner in a ball room be quiet. It looks very badly to see a
+lady endeavoring to attract attention by her boisterous manner, loud
+talking, or over-active dancing. Do not drag through dances as if you
+found them wearisome; it is an insult to your partner, but while you are
+cheerful and animated, be lady-like and dignified in your deportment.
+
+At the end of each dance, your partner will offer his arm, and conduct
+you to a seat; then bow, and release him from further attendance, as he
+may be engaged for the next dance.
+
+When invited to dance, hand your ball card to the gentleman, who will
+put his name in one of the vacant places.
+
+If you wish to go to the supper-room, accept the invitation that will be
+made, after the dances whilst it is open, but do not remain there long.
+You may be keeping your escort from other engagements.
+
+If you are accompanied by a gentleman, besides your father or brother,
+remember he has the right to the first dance, and also will expect to
+take you in to supper. Do not let any one else interfere with his
+privilege.
+
+If you wish, during the evening, to go to the dressing-room to arrange
+any part of your dress, request the gentleman with whom you are dancing
+to escort you there. He will wait for you at the door, and take you back
+to the ball-room. Do not detain him any longer than is necessary. Never
+leave the ball room, for any such purpose, alone, as there are always
+gentlemen near and round the door, and it looks very badly to see a
+lady, unattended, going through a crowd of gentlemen.
+
+It is best at a ball, to dance only every other dance, as over-fatigue,
+and probably a flushed face, will follow too much dancing. Decline the
+intermediate ones, on the plea of fatigue, or fear of fatigue.
+
+Never go into the supper-room with the same gentleman twice. You may go
+more than once, if you wish for an ice or glass of water, (surely no
+lady wants two or three _suppers_,) but do not tax the same gentleman
+more than once, even if he invites you after each dance.
+
+No lady of taste will carry on a flirtation in a ball room, so as to
+attract remark. Be careful, unless you wish your name coupled with his,
+how you dance too often with the same gentleman.
+
+If you are so unfortunate as, forgetting a prior engagement, to engage
+yourself to two gentlemen for the same dance, decline dancing it
+altogether, or you will surely offend one of them.
+
+Never press forward to take the lead in a quadrille, and if others, not
+understanding the figures, make confusion, try to get through without
+remark. It is useless to attempt to teach them, as the music, and other
+sets, will finish the figure long before you can teach and dance it.
+Keep your temper, refrain from all remark, and endeavor to make your
+partner forget, in your cheerful conversation, the annoyances of the
+dance.
+
+There is much that is exhilarating in the atmosphere of a ball room. The
+light, music, company, and even dancing itself, are all conducive to
+high spirits; be careful that this flow of spirits does not lead you
+into hoydenism and rudeness. Guard your actions and your tongue, that
+you may leave the room as quietly and gracefully as you enter it.
+
+Avoid confidential conversation in a ball room. It is out of season, and
+in excessively bad taste.
+
+Be modest and reserved, but avoid bashfulness. It looks like a
+school-girl, and is invariably awkward.
+
+Never allow your partner, though he may be your most intimate friend, to
+converse in a low tone, or in any way assume a confidential or
+lover-like air at a ball. It is in excessively bad taste, and gives
+annoyance frequently, as others suppose such low-toned remarks may refer
+to them.
+
+Dance as others do. It has a very absurd look to take every step with
+dancing-school accuracy, and your partner will be the first one to
+notice it. A quadrille takes no more steps than a graceful walk.
+
+Never stand up to dance in a quadrille, unless you are perfectly
+familiar with the figures, depending upon your partner to lead you
+through. You will probably cause utter confusion in the set, annoy the
+others forming it, and make yourself appear absurd.
+
+No young lady should go to a ball, without the protection of a married
+lady, or an elderly gentleman.
+
+Never cross a ball room alone.
+
+Never remain in a ball room until all the company have left it, or even
+until the last set. It is ill-bred, and looks as if you were
+unaccustomed to such pleasures, and so desirous to prolong each one.
+Leave while there are still two or three sets to be danced. Do not
+accept any invitation for these late dances, as the gentleman who
+invites you may find out your absence too late to take another partner,
+and you will thus deprive him of the pleasure of dancing.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX.
+
+PLACES OF AMUSEMENT.
+
+
+Do not accept an invitation to visit any place of public amusement, with
+a gentleman with whom you are but slightly acquainted, unless there is
+another lady also invited. You may, as a young lady, go with a relative
+or your fiancée, without a chaperon, but not otherwise.
+
+Having received an invitation which it is proper for you to accept,
+write an answer immediately, appointing an hour for your escort to call
+for you, and be sure that you are ready in good season. To arrive late
+is not only annoying to those near your seat, whom you disturb when you
+enter, but it is ill-bred; you will be supposed to be some one who is
+unable to come early, instead of appearing as a lady who is mistress of
+her own time.
+
+If the evening is cloudy, or it rains, your escort will probably bring a
+carriage; and let me say a few words here about entering and leaving a
+carriage.
+
+How to get in is difficult, but of less importance than getting out;
+because if you stumble in, no one sees you, but some one who may happen
+to be in the carriage; but how to get out is so important, that I will
+illustrate it by a short diplomatic anecdote:--
+
+"The Princess of Hesse-Darmstadt," says M. Mercy d'Argenteau, an
+ambassador of the last century, "having been desired by the Empress of
+Austria to bring her three daughters to court, in order that her
+Imperial Majesty might choose one of them for a wife to one of her sons,
+drove up in her coach to the palace gate. Scarcely had they entered the
+presence, when, before even speaking to them, the empress went up to the
+second daughter, and, taking her by the hand, said, 'I choose this young
+lady.' The mother, astonished at the suddenness of her choice, inquired
+what had actuated it. 'I watched the young ladies get out of their
+carriage,' said the empress. 'Your eldest daughter stepped on her dress,
+and only saved herself from falling by an awkward scramble; the youngest
+jumped from the coach to the ground, without touching the steps; the
+second, just lifting her dress in front, so as she descended to show the
+point of her shoe, calmly stepped from the carriage to the ground,
+neither hurriedly nor stiffly, but with grace and dignity: she is fit to
+be an empress; her eldest sister is too awkward, her youngest too
+wild.'"
+
+THE THEATRE--Here you must wear your bonnet, though you may throw aside
+your cloak or shawl, if you desire it. Your escort will pass to your
+seats first, and then turn and offer his hand to lead you to your own.
+Once seated, give your attention entirely to the actors whilst the
+curtain is up--to your companion when it is down.
+
+Do not look round the house with your glass. A lady's deportment should
+be very modest in a theatre. Avoid carefully every motion, or gesture
+that will attract attention. To flirt a fan, converse in whispers,
+indulge in extravagant gestures of merriment or admiration, laugh loudly
+or clap your hands together, are all excessively vulgar and unlady-like.
+Never turn your head to look at those seated behind you, or near you.
+
+If you speak to your companion while the curtain is up, lower your
+voice, that you may not disturb others interested in the conversation on
+the stage.
+
+THE OPERA--Here you should wear full dress, an opera cloak, and either a
+head-dress, or dressy bonnet of some thin material. Your gloves must be
+of kid, white, or some very light tint to suit your dress. Many dress
+for the opera as they would for the theatre; but the beauty of the house
+is much enhanced by each lady contributing her full dress toilette to
+the general effect.
+
+If you go to the dressing-room, leave your hood and shawl in the care of
+the woman in waiting, whom you must fee when she returns them to you.
+
+If you do not wish to go to the dressing-room, allow your escort to take
+off your shawl or cloak, and throw it over the back of the seat. As your
+opera cloak must be light enough to keep on all the evening, though you
+may throw it open, you must wear over it a heavier cloak or a shawl.
+Throw this off in the lobby, just before you enter your box. Your gloves
+you must keep on all the evening.
+
+Avoid handling the play bills, as the printing ink will soil your gloves
+in a few minutes, making your hands appear very badly for the rest of
+the evening.
+
+You should be in your seat at the opera before the overture commences.
+
+Never converse during the performance. Even the lowest toned remark
+will disturb a real lover of music, and these will be near you on all
+sides. Exclamations of admiration, "Exquisite!" "Beautiful!" or
+"Lovely!" are in the worst taste. Show your appreciation by quiet
+attention to every note, and avoid every exclamation or gesture.
+
+In our new opera houses there are rooms for promenade, and between the
+acts your escort may invite you to walk there. You may accept the
+invitation with perfect propriety. He will leave the box first and then
+offer his hand to you. In the lobby take his arm, and keep it until you
+return to the box. If you have taken your cloak or shawl to your seat,
+leave them there during your promenade. Return to your seat when the
+gong sounds the recall, that you may not disturb others after the next
+act commences.
+
+In walking up and down in the promenading saloon, you may pass and
+repass friends. Bow the first time you meet them, but not again.
+
+If you meet your gentlemen friends there, bow, but do not stop to speak.
+They may join you for once round the room, then allow them to leave you.
+Your escort will feel justly offended if you allow any other gentlemen
+to engross your attention entirely when he has invited you to the
+entertainment.
+
+CONCERTS--Here, as at the opera, you may wear a bonnet or not, as you
+will. Go early to the hall, unless you have secured a seat, and then, be
+in time for the first song. If you are unavoidably late, enter quietly,
+and take a seat near the door. It is very rude to push forward to the
+front of the hall, and either crowd those upon the benches, or force
+some gentleman to offer you his place. If the hall is so crowded that
+even the back seats are full, and a gentleman offers you his place, you
+should thank him before accepting it.
+
+Again, I repeat, do not converse, or disturb those around you by
+exclamations or gesticulations.
+
+LECTURES--Two ladies may attend a lecture, unaccompanied by a gentleman,
+without attracting attention.
+
+The dress, bonnet, and cloak, worn in the street, should be worn in a
+lecture-room, as these are, by no means, occasions for full dress.
+
+If you return at an early hour from any place of amusement, invite your
+escort into the house upon your arrival there, and lay aside your bonnet
+and shawl. If you keep them on, he will conclude that you expect him to
+shorten his visit. If it is late when you reach home, he will probably
+decline your invitation to enter. If, however, he accepts it, do not lay
+aside your shawl, and he will soon leave you.
+
+If he asks permission to call in the morning, you must, unless prevented
+by an imperative engagement, remain at home to see him.
+
+Upon your way home from the theatre, concert, or opera, speak warmly of
+the pleasure of the evening, and, at parting, thank him for that
+pleasure. Show by your manner that you have heartily enjoyed the
+entertainment you owe to his civility. If you are weary, do not allow
+him to see it. If disappointed, conceal that also. You will be able to
+find _some_ good points in the performance; speak of these and ignore
+the bad ones.
+
+If at the theatre, opera, or in a concert-room, you see an
+acquaintance, you are not expected to recognize her, unless near enough
+to speak. A lady must not bow to any one, even her own sister, across a
+theatre or concert-room.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI.
+
+ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
+
+
+In the present age, when education is within the reach of all, both rich
+and poor, every lady will endeavor to become, not only well educated,
+but accomplished. It is not, as some will assert, a waste of time or
+money. Not only the fingers, voice, and figure are improved, but the
+heart and intellect will become refined, and the happiness greatly
+increased.
+
+Take the young lady after a solid basis has been laid in her mind of the
+more important branches of education, and rear upon that basis the
+structure of lighter education--the accomplishments. To cultivate these,
+disregarding the more solid information, is to build your castle without
+any foundation, and make it, not only absurd, but unsteady. The pleasure
+of hearing from a lady a _cavatina_ executed in the most finished
+manner, will be entirely destroyed, if her first spoken words after the
+performance are vulgar, or her sentence ungrammatical.
+
+A lady without her piano, or her pencil, her library of French, German,
+or Italian authors, her fancy work and tasteful embroideries, is now
+rarely met with, and it is right that such arts should be universal. No
+woman is fitted for society until she dances well; for home, unless she
+is perfect mistress of needlework; for her own enjoyment, unless she has
+at least one accomplishment to occupy thoughts and fingers in her hours
+of leisure.
+
+First upon the list of accomplishments, comes the art of conversing
+well. It is always ready. Circumstances in society will constantly throw
+you into positions where you can use no other accomplishment. You will
+not have a musical instrument within reach, singing would be out of
+place, your fancy work at home, on many occasions, and then you can
+exert your most fascinating as well as useful accomplishment, the art of
+conversing well.
+
+Little culture, unfortunately, is bestowed upon this accomplishment,
+which, beyond all others, promotes the happiness of home, enlivens
+society, and improves the minds of both speaker and listener. How many
+excellent women are deficient in the power of expressing themselves
+well, or, indeed, of expressing themselves at all! How many minds "cream
+and mantle" from the want of energy to pour themselves out in words! On
+the other hand, how some, equally well-intentioned, drown the very
+senses in their torrent of remarks, which dashes, like a water-fall,
+into a sombre pool of _ennui_ below!
+
+One lady will enter society, well-dressed, well-looking, polite; she
+does not intend to chill it by her presence; yet her absence is found a
+relief. She takes her place as if she considered it sufficient to dress
+and look well. She brings no stock to the community of ideas. Her eyes
+return no response to the discourse which is going on. When you have
+once glanced at her, she becomes a mere expletive in the company.
+
+Another one will be found a talker. She is like a canary bird; when
+others begin to speak, she hurries in her remarks, in an accompaniment.
+Her voice must be uppermost; conversation becomes a contest who can
+speak the most rapidly. The timid and modest retire from the
+encounter--she has the field to herself. She goes on, without mercy; the
+voice of a syren would fatigue, if heard continually. Others revolt at
+the injustice of the monopoly, and the words fall on ears that would be
+deaf if they could.
+
+These are extreme cases; there are many other minor errors. The higher
+qualities of conversation must undoubtedly be based upon the higher
+qualities of the mind; then it is, indeed, a privilege to commune with
+others.
+
+To acquire the power of thus imparting the highest pleasure by
+conversational powers, attention must be paid to literature. I am
+supposing the solid foundation of a good education already laid, but by
+literature, I do not mean only that class of it which is taught at
+school.
+
+Reading, at the present day, is too much confined to light literature. I
+would not speak against this. The modern novels, and the poets of all
+ages, are good reading, but let them be taken in moderation, and varied
+by something more solid. Let them be the dessert to the more substantial
+_dinner_ of history, travels, and works of a like nature.
+
+Independent of the strength and polish given to the mind by a thorough
+course of reading, there is another reason why a lady should devote some
+portion of her time to it; she cannot do without it. She may, lacking
+this, pass through life respectably, even elegantly; but she cannot take
+her part in a communing with superior minds; she may enjoy, in
+wondering, the radiance of their intelligence; but the wondering must be
+composed, in part, of amazement at her own folly, in not having herself
+sought out the treasure concealed in the fathomless depths of books. She
+cannot truly enjoy society, with this art neglected. She may, for a few
+brief years, be the ornament of the drawing-room; but it must be, like
+many other ornaments there, in still life; she can never be the
+companion of the intellectual; and the time is gone by, when women, with
+all their energies excited, will be contented to be the mere plaything
+of brother, husband, or father.
+
+Still it is not to the erudite, nor to the imaginative only, that it is
+given to please in conversation.
+
+The art of imparting our ideas easily and elegantly to others, may be
+improved by ourselves, if there are opportunities of mingling in good
+society, with little study. The mind must first be cultivated; but it
+should not abash those who are conscious of moderate talents, or
+imperfect cultivation, from taking a due part in conversation, on
+account of their inferiority. It is a very different thing to shine and
+to please; to shine in society is more frequently attempted than
+compassed: to please is in the power of all. The effort to shine, when
+fruitless, brings a certain disgrace, and engenders mortification; all
+good people are inclined to take the will for the deed, when they see a
+desire to please. A gentle, deferential, kind manner, will disarm even
+the most discerning from criticising too severely the deficiencies of
+the inexperienced; confidence, disrespect of others, volubility,
+eagerness to dispute, must irritate the self-love of others, and produce
+an averseness to acknowledge talent or information, where they may even
+happen to exist.
+
+It is wiser and safer for a young lady, in general, to observe the good,
+old-fashioned rule of being addressed first; but then she must receive
+the address readily, meeting it half way, repaying it by enlarging a
+little upon the topic thus selected, and not sinking into a dull
+silence, the moment after a reply is given. Some young ladies start, as
+if thunderstruck, when spoken to, and stare as if the person who pays
+them that attention, had no right to awaken them from their reverie.
+Others look affronted, possibly from shyness, and begin a derogatory
+attack upon the beauty of their dress by twitching the front breadth--or
+move from side to side, in evident distress and consternation. Time
+remedies these defects; but there is one less curable and less
+endurable--that of pertness and flippancy--the loud remarks and
+exclamations--the look of self-sufficiency and confidence. But these
+offensive manifestations spring from some previous and deep-seated
+defects of character, and are only to be repelled by what, I fear, they
+will frequently encounter--the mortification of inspiring disgust.
+
+Neither is the lengthy, prosy, didactic reply, consistent with the
+submission and simplicity of youth; egotism, and egotism once removed,
+that is, the bringing into the topic one's own family and relations, are
+also antidotes to the true spirit of conversation. In general, it is
+wiser, more in good taste, safer, more becoming, certainly more in
+accordance with good breeding, to avoid talking of persons. There are
+many snares in such topics; not merely the danger of calumniating, but
+that of engendering a slippery conscience in matters of fact. A young
+girl, shy and inexpert, states a circumstance; she feels her deficiency
+as a narrator, for the power of telling a story, is a power to be
+acquired only by practice. She is sometimes tempted to heighten a little
+the incidents, in order to get on a little better, and to make more
+impression. She must of course defend her positions, and then she perils
+the sanctity of truth. Besides, few things narrow the intellect more
+than dwelling on the peculiarities, natural or incidental, of that small
+coterie of persons who constitute our world.
+
+It is, in general, a wise rule, and one which will tend much to insure
+your comfort through life, to avoid disclosures to others of family
+affairs. I do not mean to recommend reserve, or art; to friends and
+relations, too great frankness can hardly be practised; but, with
+acquaintance, the less our own circumstances are discussed, the happier,
+and the more dignified will our commerce with them continue. On the same
+principle, let the concerns of others be touched upon with delicacy, or,
+if possible, passed over in silence; more especially those details which
+relate to strictly personal or family affairs. Public deeds are, of
+course, public property. But personal affairs are private; and there is
+a want of true good breeding, a want of consideration and deference, in
+speaking freely of them, even if your friend is unconscious of the
+liberty taken.
+
+It seems paradoxical to observe that the art of listening well forms a
+part of the duty of conversation. To give up the whole of your attention
+to the person who addresses himself to you, is sometimes a heavy tax,
+but it is one which we must pay for the privileges of social life, and
+an early practice will render it an almost involuntary act of good
+breeding; whilst consideration for others will give this little
+sacrifice a merit and a charm.
+
+To listen well is to make an unconscious advance in the power of
+conversing. In listening we perceive in what the interest, in what the
+failure of others consists; we become, too, aware of our own
+deficiencies, without having them taught through the medium of
+humiliation. We find ourselves often more ignorant than we could have
+supposed possible. We learn, by a very moderate attention to the sort of
+topics which please, to form a style of our own. The "art of
+conversation" is an unpleasant phrase. The power of conversing well is
+least agreeable when it assumes the character of an _art_.
+
+In listening, a well-bred lady will gently sympathize with the speaker;
+or, if needs must be, differ, as gently. Much character is shown in the
+act of listening. Some people appear to be in a violent hurry whilst
+another speaks; they hasten on the person who addresses them, as one
+would urge on a horse--with incessant "Yes, yes, very good--indeed--
+proceed!" Others sit, on the full stare, eyes fixed as those of an owl,
+upon the speaker. Others will receive every observation with a little
+hysterical giggle.
+
+But all these vices of manner may be avoided by a gentle attention and
+a certain calm dignity of manner, based upon a reflective, cultivated
+mind.
+
+Observation, reading, and study, will form the groundwork for good
+powers of conversation, and the more you read, study, and see, the more
+varied and interesting will be your topics.
+
+A young lady should consider music as one branch of her education,
+inferior, in importance, to most of those studies which are pointed out
+to her, but attainable in a sufficient degree by the aid of time,
+perseverance, and a moderate degree of instruction. Begun early, and
+pursued steadily, there is ample leisure in youth for the attainment of
+a science, which confers more cheerfulness, and brings more pleasure
+than can readily be conceived.
+
+A young lady should be able to play with taste, correctness, and
+readiness, upon the general principle that a well educated woman should
+do all things well. This, I should suppose, is in the power of most
+persons; and it may be attained without loss of health, of time, or any
+sacrifice of an important nature. She should consider it as an
+advantage, a power to be employed for the gratification of others, and
+to be indulged with moderation and good sense for her own resource, as a
+change of occupation.
+
+Consider in this light, music is what Providence intended it to be--a
+social blessing. The whole creation is replete with music,--a benignant
+Power has made the language of the feathered tribe harmony; let us not
+suppose that He condemns his other creatures to silence in the song.
+
+Music has an influence peculiar to itself. It can allay the irritation
+of the mind; it cements families, and makes a home, which might
+sometimes be monotonous, a scene of pleasant excitement. Pursued as a
+recreation, it is gentle, rational, lady-like. Followed as a sole
+object, it loses its charm, because we perceive it is then over-rated.
+The young lady who comes modestly forward, when called upon as a
+performer, would cease to please, were she, for an instant, to assume
+the air and confidence of a professional musician. There is a certain
+style and manner--confined now to second-rate performers, for the
+highest and most esteemed dispense with it--there is an effort and a
+dash, which disgust in the lady who has bad taste enough to assume them.
+
+And, whilst I am on this topic, let me remark that there is a great deal
+in the _choice_ of music, in the selection of its character, its
+suitability to your feelings, style, and taste, and this especially with
+respect to vocal music.
+
+There is no doubt that a good Italian style is the best for instruction,
+and that it produces the most careful and accomplished singers. Suppose
+a case. Your parents, most fair reader, have paid a high price to some
+excellent professor, to instruct you--and, with a fair ear, and a
+sufficient voice, you have been taught some of those elaborate songs
+which are most popular at the opera. A party is assembled--music is one
+of the diversions. Forth you step, and, with a just apprehension of the
+difficulties of your task, select one of those immortal compositions
+which the most eminent have made their study; you execute it
+wonderfully, only just falling a _little_ short of all the song should
+be; only just provoking a comparison, in every mind, with a high
+standard, present in the memory of every cultivated musician near you. A
+cold approval, or a good-natured "bravo!" with, believe me, though you
+do not hear it, a thorough, and, often, expressed conviction that you
+had better have left the thing alone, follows the effort which has
+merely proclaimed the fact that, spite of time and money spent upon the
+cultivation of your voice, you are but a second-rate singer.
+
+But, choose a wiser, a less pretending, a less conspicuous path. Throw
+your knowledge into compositions of a less startling, less aspiring
+character. Try only what you can compass. Be wise enough not to proclaim
+your deficiencies, and the critics will go away disarmed, even if they
+are not charmed. But if there be _any_ voice, _any_ feeling, _any_
+science, the touching melody, made vocal by youth and taste, will obtain
+even a far higher degree of encomium than, perhaps, it actually merits.
+You will please--you will be asked to renew your efforts. People will
+not be afraid of cadenzas five minutes long, or of bravuras, every note
+of which makes one hope it may be the last.
+
+It is true that, to a person who loves music, the performance of one of
+the incomparable songs of Bellini, Rosini, Flotow, or Mozart, is an
+actual delight--but; when attempted by a young amateur, it should be,
+like many other delights, confined to the private circle, and not
+visited upon society in general.
+
+Do not suppose that I mean to recommend poor music, or feeble,
+ephemeral compositions. What is good need not, of necessity, be always
+difficult. Ballad music is rich in songs adapted for the private
+performer--and there are many, in Italian, of great beauty, which,
+though they would not be selected for a concert-room, or for brilliant
+display, are adapted for ladies.
+
+Music is the greatest, best substitute for conversation. It has many
+merits, in this light. It can never provoke angry retort; it can never
+make enemies; it can injure no one's character by slander; and in
+playing and singing one can commit no indiscretion.
+
+Music is a most excellent amusement, and, in society, an indispensable
+one. It aids conversation by occasionally interrupting it for a short
+period, to be renewed with a new impetus. It makes the most delightful
+recreation for the home circle, varying the toil and trouble of the
+father's or husband's working day, by the pleasures of the evening made
+by music's power to glide smoothly and swiftly.
+
+There are but few persons who are entirely without a love for music,
+even if they do not understand it. They will be borne along upon the
+waves of a sweet melody to high, pure thoughts, often to delicious
+memories.
+
+The piano is, at the present day, the most popular instrument in
+society. The harp has ceased to be fashionable, though it is sometimes
+heard. The latter is a most beautiful accompaniment for the voice, but
+requires a large room, as, in a small one, it will sound stringy and
+harsh.
+
+The guitar, while it makes a very pleasant accompaniment for the voice,
+has also the advantage of being easily carried from place to place.
+
+It requires as much judgment to select proper instrumental pieces for a
+parlor performance, as you would display in a choice of songs. Page
+after page of black, closely printed notes, will drive those who see
+them from the piano. They may be executed in the most finished style,
+but they are not suited to general society. In their place, for
+practice, or for a musical soirée, where every one puts forth her best
+musical powers, they are appropriate, and will give pleasure, but they
+are not suited for a mixed party. When asked to play, choose, if you
+will, a brilliant, showy piece, but let it be short. It is better still
+to make no attempt at display, but simply try to please, selecting the
+music your own judgment tells you is best suited to your audience.
+
+Avoid the loud, thumping style, and also the over-solemn style.
+
+Be sure, before you accept any invitation to play, that you know
+perfectly the piece you undertake. It is better to play the simplest
+airs in a finished, faultless manner, than to play imperfectly the most
+brilliant variations.
+
+Avoid movement at the piano. Swinging the body to and fro, moving the
+head, rolling the eyes, raising the hands too much, are all bad tricks,
+and should be carefully abstained from.
+
+With respect to drawing, modeling, or any pursuits of the same nature,
+so much depends on taste and opportunity, and they are so little the
+accomplishments of society that they require but few of those
+restrictions which music, in its use and abuse, demands. Drawing, like
+music, should be cultivated early. Its advantages are the habits of
+perseverance and occupation, which it induces; and the additional
+delight which it gives to the works, both of nature and of art. Like
+music, it gives independence--independence of society. The true lover of
+the arts has a superiority over the indifferent, and, if she be not
+better prepared for society, is much better fitted for retirement than
+those who are not so happily endowed with tastes, when in moderation, so
+innocent and beneficial.
+
+There is no accomplishment more graceful, pleasing, healthy, and
+lady-like, than that of riding well. Avoiding, at the same time,
+timidity and the "fast" style, keeping within the bounds of elegant
+propriety, gracefully yielding to the guidance of your escort, and
+keeping your seat easily, yet steadily, are all points to be acquired.
+
+To ride well is undoubtedly an admirable qualification for a lady, as
+she may be as feminine in the saddle as in the ball room or home circle.
+It is a mistaken idea to suppose that to become an accomplished
+horse-woman a lady must unsex herself. But she must have a reserve in
+her manner, that will prevent contamination from the intercourse which
+too much riding may lead to. To hunt, or follow the field sports, in a
+pursuit which is the track of blood, disgusts the true admirer of gentle
+breeding. And such diversions will certainly result in a coarseness of
+manner and expression, growing upon the fair equestrian slowly but
+surely. A harsh voice, loud tone, expressions suited only to manly lips,
+but unconsciously copied, will follow her devotion to the unfeminine
+pursuit.
+
+Nothing is more revolting than a woman who catches the tone and
+expressions of men. To hear the slang of jockeyism from female lips, is
+very offensive, yet ladies who mix in field sports are liable, nay,
+almost certain, to fall into a style of conversation which is ten times
+worse than the coarsest terms from the lips of a man. Instances there
+are, of the fairest of our sex, from a fondness for such diversions, and
+a habitual participation in such society, becoming hard, bold, and
+disgusting, even whilst retaining all their female loveliness of person.
+
+A lady, unless she lives in the most retired parts of the country,
+should never ride alone, and even then she will be awkwardly placed, in
+case of accident, without an escort. In the cities, not only is it
+unfeminine, but positively dangerous, for a lady to ride unaccompanied
+by a gentleman, or a man servant.
+
+Although it is impossible, within the limits of this little volume, to
+give many hints upon riding, a few may not be amiss. Like many other
+accomplishments, a teacher is necessary, if you wish to attain
+perfection, and no written directions can make you a finished
+horse-woman, unless you have had tuition and practice.
+
+1. In mounting you are desired, gentle Amazon, to spring gracefully into
+your saddle, with the slight assistance of a hand placed beneath the
+sole of the shoe, instead of scrambling uncouthly to your "wandering
+throne," as Miss Fanshawe wittily calls it, from a high chair, as is
+frequently done by those who have not been properly instructed. To mount
+in the orthodox manner, you should stand nearly close to the horse,
+level with the front of the saddle, and taking the reins slackly in your
+right hand, you should place that hand on the nearest pommel, to secure
+your balance in rising, and with your left hand gather up the front of
+the habit, so as to leave the feet clear. The gentleman should place
+himself firmly, near, but not so near to you as to impede your rising,
+and with the same view must hold his head well back, as should he lose
+his hat from a whisk of your habit the effect produced is not good. You
+should then present your left foot, and the gentleman placing one hand
+beneath its sole, and the other above, so as to possess a safe hold,
+should, with nice judgment, give just such assistance as will enable you
+easily, with a spring, to vault gracefully into the saddle. You will
+then arrange your right leg comfortably over the pommel, your cavalier
+will then place your left foot in the stirrup and arrange the flow of
+the habit-skirt, and all is complete. All this, though so seemingly
+simple and easy, requires some little practice to effect neatly and
+gracefully.
+
+2. Secondly, when riding with a gentleman, remember that you are best
+placed on the _left_ side; because in that position the graceful flow of
+your habit is seen to the greatest advantage, while it does not
+inconvenience the gentleman by getting entangled with his stirrup, nor
+does it receive the splashes of his horse.
+
+3. But when you have a double attendance of cavaliers, if you be at all
+a timid rider, it may become discreet to "_pack_" you (forgive the
+homely phrase) between the two, since, in this position, you are the
+most thoroughly protected from your own horse's shying, or from other
+horses or vehicles approaching you too closely, being thus forced to
+take that part of the road to which the better judgment of your
+companions inevitably guides you. If you be an accomplished equestrian,
+you will prefer being outside, and (as has been said) to the left.
+
+Sit erect in the middle of your saddle, turning your face full towards
+the head of your horse. Cling as closely as possible to the saddle, but
+avoid stooping forward, or using your hands to keep you in your seat.
+Nervous motions on horseback are not only ungraceful, but dangerous, as
+your horse will not make any allowance for the delicacy of your nerves,
+and may prove his objections to a jerking hand, or a twitching rein, in
+a most decided and disagreeable manner.
+
+The riding-dress, or habit, is best made to fit the figure tightly, with
+tight sleeves. It may be open in the front, over a neatly fitting
+chemisette, or buttoned close to the throat, with a neat linen collar
+and cuffs. The loose sacque is ungraceful, but a basque is most becoming
+on horseback. Gauntlet gloves, of leather, are the most suitable, and
+must be loose enough to give your hand perfect freedom, yet not so loose
+as to interfere with its motions. Do not wear the skirt too long; it
+will be dangerous in case of accident, and it may prove annoying to your
+horse. Your habit must be made of a material sufficiently heavy to hang
+gracefully, and not move too much with the wind. For a winter habit, a
+warmly-lined basque, trimmed at the throat and hands with fur, is an
+elegant and appropriate dress, and a round cap of the same cloth as the
+habit, with a band, and pieces to cover the ears, of fur to match the
+dress trimmings, makes a handsome and appropriate dress.
+
+In summer, your hat should be of fine straw, and slouched to shade the
+face; in winter, of felt, or, if you prefer, a close cap of cloth. The
+hat may be trimmed with feathers or knots of ribbon, and the shape
+should be one to protect the complexion, at the same time graceful and
+becoming.
+
+Avoid any display in a riding dress. Choose a material of some dark or
+neutral tint, and never use showy trimmings.
+
+Curls, or any flowing loose style of wearing the hair, will be found
+exceedingly troublesome on horseback. Arrange it neatly and compactly
+under your hat, for if a stray curl or lock annoys you, or is blown
+across your eyes by the wind, your hands will be too fully occupied to
+remedy the difficulty.
+
+Your whip should be light and small, tasteful if you will, but not
+showy.
+
+At the period for which these hints are intended, the Modern Languages
+should form a portion of acquirement. As in music, an intelligent and
+assiduous girl may, I believe, acquire an adequate degree of proficiency
+in French, German, and Italian, without having been abroad, though a
+foreign tour will be of the greatest use in the acquisition of the
+accent and niceties of each tongue. With respect to French, it is no
+doubt essential to comfort to understand it; it is one of the attributes
+of a lady to speak it well; still, it is not indispensable to speak it
+so well that the American lady is mistaken for a Parisian. This, which
+but seldom happens, can only be acquired, in most cases, by a residence
+abroad. But French is thoroughly and grammatically taught in America. It
+is only the habit of speaking, the idioms and niceties, which cannot be
+acquired except by converse with a native.
+
+There are hundreds of competent instructors in this country, French
+ladies and gentlemen amongst the number, who form classes for
+conversation and familiarizing their pupils with these very idioms.
+After availing herself of such advantages, a young lady will find that a
+very short residence abroad will improve and facilitate her French
+conversation.
+
+Much, however, will depend upon how you use the opportunities within
+your reach. There are many opportunities of practice in large towns; and
+foreigners give all facilities, by their readiness to converse, their
+good-nature in listening, and in helping the beginner by kind hints. If
+a young lady, with simplicity, good breeding, and good taste, endeavors
+to speak whenever she has an opportunity, words will come as if by
+intuition. Do not think of by-standers and lookers-on; think only of the
+individual to whom you are addressing yourself. If possible, be not
+abashed by one or two errors at the first plunge--swim on till you have
+confidence. The effort, I grant, is great, and it may be obviated by a
+foreign education; but where this is impossible, the freedom acquired
+will more than repay the exertion.
+
+In foreign literature, walk carefully, and if you have an older, wiser
+head than your own to point out the best paths, improve the advantage.
+
+One cannot help deeming it a great era in education that German is
+cultivated as well as Italian and French, and that stores of literature
+are opened, to vary the delights of intellect, and to give freshness and
+interest to the studies of youth.
+
+The rapture with which the works of Schiller are perused in the
+original, seems to repay the hours devoted to German; and I am sure the
+perusal of Tasso, or of the Aristodemo of Monti, would reward the study
+of Italian, were not the acquisition of that exquisite language of
+itself a source of poetic pleasure.
+
+The modern French writers have increased an everlasting responsibility
+in corrupting the sources of amusement, open to the young readers, and
+it is remarkable that most of the distinguished French authors seem to
+have felt that they had erred, and to have retrieved in some of their
+works the tendencies of their other productions. Take for instance,
+Madame de Stael; her books cannot be judged altogether; the effect of
+some of her eloquent and almost incomparable writings varies in an
+extraordinary degree. Whilst "Delphine" is unfit for the perusal of a
+modest woman, her "L'Allemagne" is finely written throughout, and her
+criticisms and analyses of German writers are full of instruction as
+well as interest.
+
+Still the works open to readers of French are numerous. The tragedies of
+Corneille and Racine are forcible and finished, and should be read
+because classical. The "Alzire" of Voltaire and his "Zaire" with the
+dramas of Casimir de la Vigne are also worthy of perusal. It is not an
+inspiriting kind of reading, but it is rich in sentiment, and perfectly
+unexceptionable in moral tone.
+
+Although the scepticism of most German writers renders this literature
+dangerous to a young mind, there are fields of pure, noble writing open
+in that language. The works of Schiller, for example. His mind was
+originally noble, his heart good, his love to mankind, and his enquiry
+after truth were sincere. In early life, he wavered; and the besetting
+scepticism of the Germans dimmed, for a time, his perceptions of all
+that is most sublime, as well as true, in our finite knowledge. He was
+chastened--he suffered--he believed. He died an early but a bright
+instance that great genius may exist with true and humble piety, and
+that the mind is never so powerful as when illumined by divine light.
+His works are a magnificent library in themselves--and I could almost
+say, be contented to learn German and to read Schiller. Some of his
+works are open to objection, his "Bride of Messina," portions of "The
+Robbers," are better omitted from your collection, but "Wallenstein" and
+"Maria Stuart" are noble and admirable productions. On this subject,
+and, indeed, on the whole of German literature, Madame de Stael is an
+excellent guide in her "L'Allemagne," to which I refer the young German
+student, who is sincerely desirous of gleaning the good, and avoiding
+the evil in German compositions.
+
+Italian literature furnishes a delightful theme for comment. It is
+singular that an enslaved, and, during many ages, a depraved and
+degraded people, should have possessed the purest poetry, the least
+exceptionable drama, in Europe. There is little to exclude, and much to
+recommend, in this beautiful language. The works of Tasso abound with
+high sentiment; the "Inferno" of Dante is a sublime picture of eternal
+retribution, softened with most touching pictures of human woe. Happy
+are those who have leisure to pursue extensively the acquisition of
+Italian literature, they may read and commit to memory without fear of
+an insidious meaning beneath the polished verse, or the prose which has
+all the charm of poetry.
+
+Spanish literature will require the same judicious pruning which is
+necessary in French and German, but of all languages, it is the most
+musical for speech, and singing.
+
+A lady in society must, if she would not grow utterly weary in company,
+know how to dance. It has been the practice among many excellent people
+to represent the ball room as a "pitfall covered with flowers;" a sheet
+of breaking ice; above, all gayety and motion; below, all darkness and
+danger. It may be that to some minds the ball room may be replete with
+temptations; but there are minds which find temptations everywhere. The
+innocent may be innocent, nay, the pious may feel devout, even in a ball
+room. There is nothing immoral or wrong in dancing; it is the tendency
+of youth to dance--it is the first effort of a child--the first natural
+recreation. It seems so natural that I confess I am always doubtful of
+the sincerity of those young ladies who profess to dislike the ball
+room.
+
+In the present day, you must understand how to move gracefully through
+quadrilles, to dance polka, Schottische, Varsovienne, and waltz. To
+these you may add great variety of dances, each season, probably,
+bringing a new one.
+
+"Dancing," says Mr. Sheldrake, "is one of the most healthy, as well as
+one of the most pleasing amusements that can be practised by the young.
+If it is learned from those who are well qualified to teach it, and
+practised, as it ought to be, consistently with the instructions given,
+it will contribute more to improve the health, as well as the form of
+the human frame, than any other exercise. For the discovery and
+promulgation of the true and correct principles according to which
+dancing should be taught, the world is indebted to France, a country
+which has long taken the lead in the elegant arts. In France, dancing
+was first raised to the dignity of a science, a royal academy being
+founded for the purpose of teaching and perfecting it, in the reign of
+Louis Quatorze. In this academy were trained many of the most
+distinguished dancers of both sexes." One of the most celebrated, Madame
+Simonet, gave the following account to Mr. Sheldrake of the mode of
+instruction pursued in the academy:--"All the pupils, before they were
+permitted to attempt to dance, were completely instructed in what were
+called the _preparatory exercises_; that is, a system of exercises,
+which endued all their limbs with strength, firmness, elasticity, and
+activity; when they had acquired these properties, they began to dance.
+
+"In these preparatory exercises, the motions were of the most simple
+kind, the object being to teach the pupil, gradually and separately, all
+those movements which, when combined, and rapidly executed, constitute
+dancing." Madame Simonet thus described those elementary instructions,
+as gone through by herself:--"She successively learned to stand flat
+and firm upon both her feet, with her limbs quite straight, and the
+whole person perfectly upright, but not stiff; then to lift one foot
+from the ground, and to keep it so for some time without moving any part
+of her body; she then replaced that foot on the ground, and raised the
+other in the same manner. These simple actions were repeated till the
+pupils were quite familiar with them; they were then directed to keep
+the body quite erect, but not stiff, and bearing firmly upon one leg, to
+raise the other from the ground, gradually and slowly, by bending the
+upper joint of the limb, at the same time making the knee straight, and
+putting the toe to its proper extent, but _no more_. The foot, after it
+had been kept in this state for some time, was returned to the ground
+from whence it was taken, and the other foot treated in the same manner;
+when quite familiarized to these actions, they were directed to walk
+(march, as some people will call it) slowly, performing the same motions
+with the feet alternately." The exercises which followed these, were
+upon the turning out of the feet, the balancing of the body, and other
+attitudes, which need not be particularized.
+
+Mr. Sheldrake gives several examples of persons trained upon these
+initiatory principles to the profession of dancing, who have lived in
+health to a great age. "This," says he, "is not the chance lot of a few;
+for I have, through life, been accustomed to see many persons of the
+same profession; I have communicated my own observations to many others,
+and all have agreed in remarking, that those who follow this profession
+have, very generally, excellent health, which very many of them carry
+into extreme old age. This indisputable fact can only be accounted for
+by supposing that the preparatory exercises which these persons go
+through, are a modification of what I have called regulated muscular
+tension, or action, and the early and constant practice of which lays a
+firm foundation for that high health which accompanies them through
+life. It is upon the same principle that a soldier is never seen with
+spinal curvature, or other personal deformity, or a stage dancer of
+either sex with a deformed person; it is, perhaps, impossible that such
+things should exist, for the plain reason, that the exercises which they
+begin to practice early in life, and continue regularly through its
+whole course, render it impossible for them to become so.
+
+"The inference to be drawn from these incontrovertible facts is, that if
+we, in very early life, teach young children to practice similar
+exercises, and follow them steadily afterwards, we shall confirm them in
+excellent health, and prevent the accession of those evils which so
+often cause deformity to the figure, and destruction to the
+constitution, at later periods of life. I do not propose to make every
+boy a soldier, or every girl a dancer upon the stage, but to adopt the
+principles, by the application of which those persons are trained to the
+successful practices of their several occupations, and so to modify
+them, that they may qualify other classes of society to follow _their_
+different pursuits with equal success; and I am not without hopes that
+this undertaking will contribute something towards producing this
+desirable effect."
+
+Dancing is an exercise which has been practiced by mankind from the
+most remote ages. With the Egyptians, Assyrians, and Persians, the
+founders of the three great empires of the ancient world, dancing was
+the favorite exercise or accomplishment, and the practice was not less
+prevalent among their successors in power and importance, the Greeks and
+Romans. The Jews, also, we learn from Scripture, were strongly attached
+to the exercise at all periods of their history.
+
+At the present day, almost every people that exist, whether barbarous or
+civilized, has its own form of dancing. It is this universality of the
+exercise that makes dancing a subject of importance. Being so
+extensively practiced, it must be the instrument either of good or evil
+to the human race.
+
+It is one of the most healthful and elegant amusements, and cannot be
+too highly recommended. Among a rude and dissolute people it may
+degenerate into something worthy of condemnation; but all the blessings
+we have are similarly liable to abuse, and it would be most unjust to
+condemn a cheerful domestic amusement, merely because it has, at times,
+been degraded by people of low, vulgar, immoral tastes. By all
+physicians, dancing, when pursued in moderation, is recommended as
+highly conducive to bodily health; and it may be truly said, that,
+allied with music, nothing is more conducive to _mental_ health, more
+calculated to drive away melancholy, and put the whole temper into good
+humor.
+
+Dancing is the poetry of motion. It must be performed with ease and
+grace, and always with a perfect regard for propriety of movement.
+
+As an art it is taught by professed masters; and one of the leading
+rules given to the learner is to raise and lower herself gracefully on
+the elastic part of her feet, and to keep perfect time to the music.
+Dancing is really a simple and elegant gliding on the toes, which bend
+more or less to accommodate the steps, and prevent harsh, ungraceful
+motion.
+
+The most popular dances of the present day, are, first, the quadrille.
+
+These are of French origin, comparatively tranquil in their character,
+and generally danced once or more in every party. They are danced by
+four couples, one standing on each side of a square. There are many sets
+of quadrilles, the figures in each varying from the others. But there
+are five figures in each set. The plain, fancy, Lancers, Polka,
+Mazourka, and German, are among the most popular.
+
+In plain quadrilles, a lady takes no steps, merely walking gracefully
+through the figures, but her feet must keep perfect time to the music,
+and she must know the changes of position perfectly.
+
+A quadrille may be very properly described as a conversation dance, as
+there are long pauses between the figures, when the dancers must have a
+fund of small talk ready for their partners.
+
+When moving in the figures, hold out your skirt a little with the right
+hand, merely to clear the ground, and prevent the possibility of
+treading upon it.
+
+Next come the round dances, the _Valse_, Polka, Schottische,
+Varsovienne, and Redowa.
+
+The Waltz is danced both _à troistemps_ and _deuxtemps_. In the waltz,
+the position is a most important point. You may so lean upon your
+partner's arm, and so carry your figure, that the prudish can find but
+little fault, but you can also make the dance a most immodest one. I
+cannot, within the limits of my book, go into a long argument as to the
+propriety of these round dances. Opinions differ, and I am not writing a
+sermon, but giving, as far as is in my power, hints to ladies in
+society. It is, therefore, enough for me to know that these dances are
+tolerated, and that, even were I so inclined, _I_ could not exclude
+them.
+
+To return to the position. Stand a little to the right of your partner,
+that, in clasping your waist, he may draw you upon his arm to his
+shoulder, not his breast; the last position is awkward. By observing the
+first, you have your head free; turn it a little towards the left
+shoulder; need I say, never lay it upon your partner's shoulder? Throw
+the head and shoulders a little back, not too much to be consistent with
+easy grace, place one hand upon your partner's shoulder, and the other
+in his disengaged hand. So, you are ready to start.
+
+The waltz may be danced to very fast time, or to slow music. The last is
+the most graceful, and there is not so much danger of giddiness. Grace
+can only be gained by a perfect timing of the steps to the music, and
+also evenness of step. It is, when properly timed with perfect step, and
+easy, gliding motion, the most graceful of dances. The Germans, who
+dance for the sake of _dancing_, will only allow a certain number of
+waltzers on the floor at one time, and these waltz in streams, all going
+down one side of the room and up the other, thus rendering collisions
+impossible.
+
+An English writer, in a recent work published on etiquette, speaks of
+waltzing thus:--
+
+"It is perhaps useless to recommend flat-foot waltzing in this country,
+where ladies allow themselves to be almost hugged by their partners, and
+where men think it necessary to lift a lady almost off the ground, but I
+am persuaded that if it were introduced, the outcry against the
+impropriety of waltzing would soon cease. Nothing can be more delicate
+than the way in which a German holds his partner. It is impossible to
+dance on the flat foot unless the lady and gentleman are quite free of
+one another. His hand, therefore, goes no further round her waist than
+to the hooks and eyes of her dress, hers, no higher than to his elbow.
+Thus danced, the waltz is smooth, graceful, and delicate, and we could
+never in Germany complain of our daughter's languishing on a young man's
+shoulder. On the other hand, nothing is more graceless and absurd, than
+to see a man waltzing on the tips of his toes, lifting his partner off
+the ground, or twirling round and round with her like the figures on a
+street organ. The test of waltzing in time, is to be able to stamp the
+time with the left foot. The waltz is of German origin, but where it is
+still danced in Germany in the original manner, (as, for instance, among
+the peasants of the Tyrol,) it is a very different dance. It is there
+very slow and graceful; the feet are thrown out in a single long step,
+which Turveydrop, I presume, would call a _jeté_. After a few turns, the
+partners waltz alone in the same step, the man keeping the time by
+striking together his iron-shod heels, until with a shout and clapping
+of hands he again clasps his partner and continues in the same slow
+measure with her."
+
+The position for the polka, redowa, and other round dances, should be
+the same as that for the waltz, and for the steps, they can only be
+acquired from a dancing teacher, and are impossible to describe
+properly.
+
+One of the most delightful accomplishments which a lady can possess, and
+one which is unfortunately but little cultivated, is the art of reading
+aloud well; reading with expression, taste, animation, and correctness;
+and this art once acquired, let her also be able to recite well.
+
+Long lectures may be given upon elocution, but the advice can be
+condensed into two directions. First, be sure you pronounce, accent, and
+enunciate every word correctly; then, throw your whole soul into the
+words. Study your author carefully, that you may know precisely what he
+means by each expression, and then try to bury your personal identity,
+to become, for the time, the character you represent.
+
+One of the most delightful ways to spend a social evening, is to devote
+it to dramatic literature. Invite only guests who read well, or who are
+really interested listeners, and select a play, or scenes from several
+plays, and cast the parts among your guests. All jealousy must be put
+aside, and to-night's Hamlet must condescend to direct Richard to
+
+ "Stand by, my lord, and let the coffin pass,"
+
+to-morrow.
+
+After a few meetings, the peculiar talent of each reader will be
+recognized, and you can select your tragedy hero, comedy hero, queen,
+chambermaid, and other members of the force, with a view to the display
+of each one's best powers. Vary the entertainment by reciting monologues
+and dialogues. A whole play will often be found tiresome; it is best to
+select several scenes, keeping up the thread of the plot, and
+introducing the best characters, and leave out what is mere interlude,
+and dispense with some of the subordinate characters.
+
+Leave one end of the room entirely vacant for the readers. You will find
+it more interesting to have the readers stand, and use some little
+motion; the words will flow more easily, the expressions come more
+forcibly if the appropriate gesture is made. Love scenes will, of
+course, require delicate handling, and embracing can be easily omitted;
+neither would I recommend the action of a dueling scene, or a murder,
+but merely to add gesture enough to give interest to both readers and
+audience.
+
+You will find some little difficulty from bashfulness, and the "don't
+like to" people at first, but soon you will discover with delight how
+many of your friends possess the talent for reading well, and never knew
+it themselves.
+
+You will do well to take a few lessons in elocution, but you need not
+fear to read if you have never made the accomplishment a study. With a
+correct knowledge of your own language, and a love for fine writing, you
+will soon read well.
+
+Give to every part you undertake, the full effect intended by the
+writer. Do not throw all your energy, your whole soul, into a leading
+part at one time, and slight a subordinate character at another. If you
+have but five words to read, read them as they would be spoken were you
+the character you represent for the time. To hear a splendidly written,
+tragic burst of passion read in a weak, whining voice, is no worse than
+to have a few simple words from a servant's lips delivered with the
+gesture and emphasis suited to a Medea or Lady Macbeth.
+
+I shall be condemned by many serious and well-judging persons, if I say
+one word in favor of private theatricals; yet, as it appears to me,
+there are in these diversions some advantages which are not to be found
+to excuse the waltz, or the polka, or the ballet, or the hunting field.
+In private theatricals there is the possibility of _some_ benefit. The
+study of the finest dramatists, especially of Shakespeare, is not likely
+to demoralize the mind, or to cool the enthusiasm for what is good. We
+can scarcely know too well those works which have tended more to form
+character than any collection of any kind whatsoever.
+
+Shakespeare, Sheridan, Bulwer,--but I cannot go through the list of fine
+dramatic writers whose works elevate the mind and taste. The plays of
+Sheridan, Knowles, and Bulwer, are, in most instances, well adapted for
+private representations--the most exquisite delineations of female
+character may be found in the dramatic library, and high, pure, manly
+thoughts, may be traced, line after line, to the same source.
+
+Private theatricals should, however, be regulated with much judgment. I
+see no reason to restrict too severely talent of this kind where it
+exists, any more than to crush a dawning taste for the other fine arts.
+What we have to do is to raise and direct it; never to let it occupy too
+much time, nor to become the business of life; never to let it infringe
+upon duties; never to allow it to lead us into an unreasonable, and,
+therefore, criminal expense. Our ancestors were content to strew their
+stage at the end of their halls with rushes, and to hang up the name of
+the scene, instead of a scene, before each act. The best preparations,
+which generally render private theatricals both laborious and expensive,
+add but little to the pleasure of the beholders, whose attention is
+fixed upon the actors, and who can always see far finer scenes at a
+minor theatre than at any private theatricals. Were we content with
+greater simplicity in our amusements, how much vain ostentation,
+heart-sickening expense, self-recrimination, and trouble, might be
+avoided!
+
+As a valid objection to private theatricals, it has been urged that they
+are apt to encourage a taste for the green-room of the public theatre in
+young men and boys; in women the risk is less, for few women are ever
+known to go on the stage except from necessity. I own this objection to
+theatricals is the greatest that can be urged. It can only be answered
+in mitigation that, where there exists a taste of the kind, it is better
+that it should be indulged at home, instead of at the theatre, with the
+modest inmates of a well-governed house, instead of with professional
+actors. Like all other amusements, the abuse is probable, but the power
+of restraint rests within ourselves.
+
+Under the same head as private theatricals may come dramatized charades
+and proverbs, so much in fashion at the present time. These last have
+some great advantages over the standard plays; they are better suited to
+a parlor; they do not provoke comparison between the young actors, and
+the favorite public idols; they require but little scenery and
+arrangement; they are short; and they do not require so many subordinate
+characters.
+
+Impromptu charades and proverbs are delightful, and are the occasion for
+much merriment; the mistakes, the absurd contrasts between character and
+costume, the scenery--a deep, hanging wood, the court of Louis Quatorze
+or the deck of a man of war, being improvised at a moment's notice, only
+add to the merry enjoyment.
+
+One rule you must observe if you join in these amusements: never to
+carry your gayety into romping. Merry and laughing you may be, yet never
+forget you are a lady. You may personate a newly-caught Irish
+chambermaid, use the broadest brogue, wear the commonest dress, throw
+yourself heartily and thoroughly into the part, losing your personal
+identity almost entirely, and yet you may retain that nameless charm,
+which will place you in the mind of each of the audience as a lady of
+refinement.
+
+You must also be perfectly good-natured and self-sacrificing; ready to
+play the smallest parts with the same interest you would throw into the
+principal ones. Try to throw out all the good points in the parts taken
+by the other members of the company. If you play an insignificant part,
+play it well, with all the grace you can, make the most of it, but do
+not try to raise it to the first place. Yield gracefully the prominent
+position to those who claim it in the plot of the play, and never try
+by conspicuous dress or by play, to go beyond the position set down for
+you.
+
+Another delightful accomplishment, and one which will aid you if you are
+studying drawing and painting, is that of arranging _tableaux vivants_.
+
+Mrs. Severn gives the following hints upon this subject:
+
+"Perhaps there is no intellectual amusement in fashionable life, the
+nature of which is so little understood, as the _tableau vivant_; it
+being generally considered as only a vehicle for display, whereas its
+real purpose is to arrange scientifically a combination of natural
+objects, so as to make a good picture according to the rules of art.
+
+"A _tableau vivant_ is literally what its name imports--a living picture
+composed of living persons; and, when skilfully arranged and seen at a
+proper distance, it produces all the effect of a real picture. It is
+said, that the first living picture was contrived by a profligate young
+German nobleman, who having, during the absence of his father, sold one
+of the celebrated pictures belonging to the old castle, which was an
+heir-loom, to conceal the deficiency, placed some of his companions
+behind the frame, so as to imitate the missing picture, and to deceive
+his father, who passed through the room without being conscious of his
+loss.
+
+"A _tableau vivant_ may be formed in two ways: it may consist of a group
+of persons, who take some well-known subject in history or fiction to
+illustrate, and who form a group to tell the story according to their
+own taste; or, it may be a copy, as exact as circumstances will permit,
+of some celebrated picture. The first plan, it may be easily imagined,
+is very rarely effective; since, as we find that even the best masters
+are often months, or even years, before they can arrange a group
+satisfactorily on canvas, it is not probable that persons who are not
+artists should succeed in making good impromptu pictures. Indeed, it has
+been observed, that artists themselves, when they have to arrange a
+_tableau vivant_, always prefer copying a picture to composing one.
+
+"Copying a real picture, by placing living persons in the positions of
+the figures indicated in the picture, appears, at first sight, an easy
+task enough; and the effect ought to be easily attained, as there can be
+no bad drawing, and no confused light and shade, to destroy the effect
+of the grouping. There are, however, many difficulties to conquer, which
+it requires some knowledge of art to be aware of. Painting being on a
+flat surface, every means are taken to give roundness and relief to the
+figures, which qualities of course are found naturally in a _tableau
+vivant_. In a picture the light is made effective by a dark shadow
+placed near it; diminished lights or demi-tints are introduced to
+prevent the principal light appearing a spot; and these are linked
+together by artful shades, which show the outline in some places, and
+hide it in others. The colors must also be carefully arranged, so as to
+blend or harmonize with each other. A want of attention to these minute
+points will be sufficient to destroy the effect of the finest picture,
+even to those who are so unacquainted with art as to be incapable of
+explaining why they are dissatisfied, except by an involuntary liking or
+disliking of what they see.
+
+"The best place for putting up a _tableau vivant_ is in a door-way,
+with an equal space on each side; or, at least, some space on both sides
+is necessary; and if there is a room or a passage between the door
+selected for the picture and the room the company is to see it from, so
+much the better, as there should be a distance of at least four yards
+between the first row of the spectators and the picture. It must be
+remembered that, while the tableau is being shown, nearly all the lights
+must be put out in the room where the company is assembled; and,
+perhaps, only one single candle, properly placed, in the intervening
+space between the company and the tableau, must be left slightly to
+illuminate the frame. In the above-mentioned door-way a frame, somewhat
+smaller than the original picture, must be suspended, three, four, or
+even five feet from the floor, as may suit the height of the door; or,
+if the door is not very high, the frame may be put one or two feet
+behind, to gain space; but care must be taken to fill up the opening
+that would, in that case, show between the door-way and the frame; also
+a piece of dark cloth ought to be put from the bottom of the frame to
+the ground, to give the appearance of the picture hanging on the wall.
+The most important thing is, that the chairs or tables ought to be
+placed behind the frame, so that the persons who are to represent the
+tableau may sit or stand as nearly in the position, with regard to the
+frame, as the figures appear to do in the real picture they are trying
+to imitate, and at about two feet from the frame, so that the light
+which is attached to the back of the frame may fall properly on the
+figures. In order to accomplish this, great study and contrivance are
+required, so that the shades may fall in precisely the same places as in
+the original picture; and sometimes the light is put on one side,
+sometimes on the other, and often on the top; and sometimes shades of
+tin or paper are put between the lights and the tableaux, to assist in
+throwing a shadow over any particular part. The background is one of the
+most important parts, and should be made to resemble that of the picture
+as nearly as possible; if it is dark, coarse cloth absorbs the light
+best; but whether it is to be black, blue, or brown, must depend on the
+tint of the picture; should the background be a light one, colored
+calico, turned on the wrong side, is generally used. If trees or flowers
+form the background, of course real branches or plants must be
+introduced to imitate those in the picture. Even rocks have been
+imitated; and spun glass has often successfully represented water. A
+thin, black gauze, black muslin, or tarlatan veil, should be fastened to
+the top of the frame, on the _outside_ of it, through which the tableau
+is to be seen.
+
+"Care ought to be taken to conceal the peculiarities of the different
+materials used in the draperies, and it is even sometimes necessary to
+cover the stuffs used for the purpose with a gauze of a different color,
+so as to imitate the broken and transparent colors found in most good
+pictures. This, carefully attended to, will give a quietness and
+simplicity to the whole, which will greatly add to the illusion."
+
+The next subject upon the list of accomplishments, should be filled by
+some words upon fancy sewing. Under this head will come--Crochet,
+Knitting, Tapestry work, Embroidery, Chenille work, Netting, Canvas
+work, Berlin wool work, Frame work, Braiding, Bead work, etc.
+
+Small social gatherings will be much more entertaining, the time will
+pass much more quickly, and the conversation flows more freely if the
+fingers are employed with some light work.
+
+Pretty presents--nay, beautiful ones--may be made in this way, when the
+fingers would otherwise be idle, and these will have an additional value
+in being the work of your own hands.
+
+From the most remote ages needlework has been, not only a source of
+pecuniary advantage for poor women, but also of pleasant pastime for the
+rich. It is one of the most elegant of the imitative art, and from time
+immemorial it has been an amusement for otherwise idle fingers, from the
+cottage to the palace.
+
+I have not space for a long disquisition upon the uses and pleasures of
+fancy work; every woman has moments when such pretty playwork will be a
+valuable recreation. The taste for fancy work increases daily, and can
+be made not only ornamental, but useful. A ladies' wardrobe consists of
+so many, and such varied objects, that the evenings of an entire winter
+may be spent in making various useful garments, which are, at the same
+time, suitable for company sewing. Opera hoods, wool shawls, sleeves,
+Sontags, and other ladies' articles, may be varied by embroidering
+smoking caps, slippers, or handkerchiefs for gentlemen.
+
+Embroidering on canvas, or tapestry work, opens a large field for taste
+and skill in execution. Beautiful articles for presents, chair covers,
+sofa cushions, slippers, may be worked in the otherwise idle moments
+spent in familiar society, and the fingers will soon acquire skill and
+astonishing rapidity.
+
+The German ladies have constantly on hand a piece of netting or other
+fancy work, which they carry from place to place, and take out when
+conversing; and so far from entirely engrossing their thoughts, they
+chat more readily and freely with their fingers thus employed.
+
+American ladies will find the custom worth imitating. Many tedious hours
+will be smoothly, pleasantly passed, with the mind free, but the fingers
+pleasantly occupied.
+
+An evening passed in sewing or knitting, with one good reader to
+entertain the industrious workers, will be found very pleasant. I have
+known a circle of young people meet every week to work in this way, the
+reader being changed twice or three times in the course of the evening,
+and these meetings have proved so pleasant, that scarcely any member
+failed to plead "prior engagement" if invited out upon the evening
+appointed to read and sew.
+
+It was formerly objected by the adversaries to mental cultivation in
+women, that the acquirement of book learning would make them neglect
+needlework; but so far from this being the case, the present, which is
+often called the age of learning, is preëminently a working age. Never
+were fingers more actively engaged than those of the rising female
+generation; braiding, embroidery, Berlin work, knitting, netting, and
+crochet, are all in full play. A long neglected work has been recently
+revived, called by the French "La Frivolité." It is very pretty evening
+work, partly because it does not impede conversation, for it may be
+carried on almost without looking at it, and partly because no other
+work shows to so much advantage the grace and delicacy of the hands. The
+most simple form of this work was anciently known under the name of
+Tatting, but that only consisted of a series of loops in a straight
+line, which were used for trimming linen articles, and which was not so
+pretty as La Frivolité, which has varieties which are a good imitation
+of point, and may be used for collars and sleeves.
+
+I give a few specimens of pretty work for evening sewing, and refer the
+reader to "The Ladies' Handbook of Embroidery," published by G. G.
+Evans, for a full, complete description of every kind of fancy work,
+with specimens, patterns, and clear, plain directions.
+
+NETTED CUFFS--These cuffs are very pretty, and easy to make. They are in
+plain netting, and will require white, and five shades of scarlet wool.
+
+Set on thirty-five stitches of the white wool. Net five rows, then take
+a mesh a very little larger, and widen by netting two stitches in every
+stitch. Then net with the smallest mesh the two lightest shades, one row
+of each, and two rows of the other three shades. Then graduate the
+shades back again to white, narrowing the first row of white with the
+larger mesh. Net ten rows with the smaller mesh, widen again, repeat the
+shades of red, narrow again, and finish with the five rows of white.
+
+
+KNITTED OPERA CAP.
+
+MATERIALS REQUIRED--Half an ounce of white and half an ounce of shaded
+Berlin wool will be sufficient.
+
+Cast on a hundred stitches with white wool, and knit and pearl
+alternately for four rows.
+
+_Shaded wool_--Knit one row plain; next row bring forward, and take two
+together to the end.
+
+_White wool_--Knit and pearl alternately four rows.
+
+_Shaded wool_--Knit plain six rows.
+
+_White wool_--Knit a row, decreasing it by taking the first two stitches
+together, and the last two. Pearl a row. Knit a row, decreasing it as
+before. Pearl a row.
+
+_Shaded wool_--Knit a row, decreasing at the beginning and end. Next
+row, bring forward and take two together to the end.
+
+_White wool_--Knit a row, decreasing at both ends. Pearl a row. Knit a
+row, decreasing as before. Pearl a row.
+
+
+FOR THE PATTERN IN THE CENTRE OF THE CAP.
+
+SHADED WOOL--_1st row_--Slip one. Knit two plain stitches (_a._) Wool
+forward. Knit one. Wool forward. Knit two together. Knit one. Knit two
+together. Repeat from (_a._)
+
+_2nd row_--Pearled.
+
+_3rd row_--Slip one. Knit two plain stitches (_b._) Wool forward. Knit
+three plain stitches. Wool forward. Slip one. Knit two together. Pass
+the slipped stitch over the knitted ones. Repeat from (_b._)
+
+_4th row_--Pearled.
+
+_5th row_--Slip one. Knit two plain stitches, (_c._) Wool forward. Knit
+two together. Knit one. Knit two together. Wool forward. Knit one.
+Repeat from (_c._)
+
+_6th row_--Pearled.
+
+_7th row_--Slip one. Knit two plain stitches (_d._) Wool forward. Slip
+one. Knit two together. Pass the slipped stitch over the knitted ones.
+Wool forward. Knit three plain stitches. Repeat from (_d._)
+
+_8th row_--Pearled. Repeat the last eight rows.
+
+_White wool_--Knit and pearl alternately for four rows; decrease at the
+beginning and ending of the two plain rows.
+
+_Shaded wool_--Knit one plain row; decrease at the beginning and ending.
+Next row; bring the wool forward, knit two together to the end of the
+row.
+
+_White wool_--Knit and pearl alternately for four rows; decrease at the
+beginning and ending of the two plain rows.
+
+Knit eighteen plain stitches, run a piece of cotton through the
+remaining sixty-two stitches. Pearl and knit alternately, decreasing at
+the beginning and ending of every plain row, until you have four
+stitches remaining; cast them off; then take up eighteen stitches on the
+opposite sides, and work a piece to correspond; leaving forty-four
+centre stitches on the cotton.
+
+Take up the centre stitches on a needle pointed at both ends, draw the
+cotton out; then pick up fourteen stitches at each end of the needle.
+
+_Shaded wool_--Knit two plain rows.
+
+_White wool_--Knit one plain row. Next row; wool forward, knit two
+together to the end of the row.
+
+_Shaded wool_--Knit two plain rows and cast off. Join the two points
+together at the back of the cap. Fold the front at the first pattern
+row, and hem it to form the scallop at the edge. Pick up eighty stitches
+at the back of the cap.
+
+
+AN ECONOMICAL POINT COLLAR.
+
+It is well known that worked muslin collars, particularly if the work is
+good, very soon wear out; as the work is too heavy for the muslin,
+which, when it has been washed two or three times, becomes full of slits
+and holes, though the work is still as good as ever. When this is the
+case, cut the muslin off the work with a pair of sharp scissors, and lay
+the work on the pattern of a collar cut in paper, so as to fill the
+whole of the pattern. The work may be taken from two or three collars;
+the arrangement of it must depend upon taste. When the cut-out work is
+properly arranged, it must be tacked or basted to the paper pattern; and
+this is best done with colored thread, that no mistake may arise when
+the basting threads are to be drawn out. Four or six threads are then
+drawn from one piece of work to another, with a needle and cotton, so as
+to attach them together, and the loose threads are then overcast like
+button-holes, so as to imitate the uniting threads of point lace. When
+well done, with a sufficient quantity of the uniting threads, to make
+the work firm, these collars are handsome, and will wash and wear well.
+
+
+KNITTED VEILS.
+
+It is now customary to knit white veils of what is called Lady Betty's
+wool, for babies to put over their faces when they are carried out in
+cold weather, instead of pocket-handkerchiefs, which were formerly used
+for the purpose, though they were very unfit for it. Knitted veils in
+black silk or worsted are also worn by grown-up persons. The veils for
+babies are very simple in their construction; they consist of oblong
+pieces of knitting of any width and depth that may be required, with
+knitted lace at the bottom and sides, and a string case at the top. The
+following pattern is the most common:
+
+Knit and pearl alternately four rows, so that there may be two of each;
+then bring forward and take two together an entire row. This pattern is
+repeated through the entire veil; and it must be observed, that as many
+stitches must be cast on as will make it of the necessary width. The
+needles should be of the smallest size, of bone. Any lace will do; but
+the following pattern, though not new, is both pretty and suitable; and
+has, besides, the important recomendation of being very easy.
+
+Cast on eleven stitches and knit a row plain, then begin the pattern.
+
+_1st row_--Knit three; bring forward and take two together; knit one,
+take two together; put the thread twice round the needle, take two
+together, and knit one.
+
+_2nd row_--Knit two, pearl one, knit one, put the thread twice round the
+needle, take two together, bring forward, and knit five.
+
+_3rd row_--Knit three, bring forward, take two together, knit one,
+bring forward, knit two, pearl one, bring forward, take two together,
+and knit two.
+
+_4th row_--Knit two, bring forward, knit five, bring forward, take two
+together, knit five.
+
+_5th_ row--Knit three, bring forward, and take two together, knit the
+rest plain.
+
+_6th row_--Cast off four, and knit the rest plain.
+
+
+HINTS TO CROCHET-WORKERS.
+
+Examine carefully the form of the needle, and _try_ the hook, to
+ascertain that it is perfectly smooth. Some are so sharp and ill-made as
+to tear the cotton. Select those which are not of uniform thickness up
+to the hook; the best are those which are thinner there than an inch
+farther up. Where the needle is not proportionally fine near the hook,
+it is almost impossible to keep the work even.
+
+Chain stitch ought to be done rather loosely, as working on it
+afterwards contracts it, and is apt to give it a puckered appearance. It
+is often advisable to use a needle one size larger for making the chain
+than for the rest of the work, especially in edgings. It will be found
+much easier to work the succeeding rows when this precaution is taken.
+Crochet needles should be kept in a housewife similar to those used for
+ordinary needles. The slightest soil or rust should be effaced with fine
+sandpaper.
+
+
+ORNAMENTAL NET FOR THE HAIR.
+
+Take two pieces of fine silk braid, scarlet or royal blue, and a No. 3
+bone crochet hook.
+
+Make a chain of eight stitches, unite the ends, and then D. C. the
+first round, putting two stitches into each loop; there will now be
+sixteen stitches and in the next round one long must be worked into
+every stitch, and two chain between each long; the round will now
+consist of forty-eight stitches, and we commence the pattern, or
+diamonds.
+
+_3rd round_--Three long, two chain, four long with two chain after each,
+and these long put into every second loop; repeat.
+
+_4th round_--Five long, two chain, five long with two chain after each,
+and these long put into every second loop with the exception of the
+fifth or last of them, which must skip two stitches instead of one;
+repeat.
+
+_5th round_--Seven long, two chain, seven long with two chain after
+each, and each of these long put into every second stitch; repeat.
+
+_6th round_--Five long, two chain, five long with two chain after each,
+and each of these long put into every other stitch, three long, two
+chain, five long again with two chain after each, and each put into
+every second stitch; repeat from beginning.
+
+_7th round_--Three long, two chain, five long with two chain after each
+and worked in every third loop, five long, two chain, five long again
+with two chain after each, and these long worked as aforesaid in every
+third loop; repeat from beginning.
+
+_8th round_--One long, two chain, five long with two chain after each
+and these long put into every third stitch, seven long, two chain, again
+five long, &c. &c.; repeat from beginning.
+
+_9th round_--Six long with two chain after each and work in every third
+stitch, (five long, twelve long with two chain after each, these long
+put in every third stitch); repeat the pattern in brackets.
+
+_10th round_--Nine long with two chain after them, these long being
+worked in every second loop, (three long, two chain, nineteen long with
+two chain after them, and the long worked in every second loop); repeat
+the pattern in brackets.
+
+_11th, 12th, and 13th rounds_--A long and two chain all round, and the
+long being worked alternately in every second and third loop; care being
+taken to bring one into the position to complete each diamond as it is
+come to.
+
+A crochet edging, begun with braid, and the last two or three rows
+worked with gold twist as nearly the size of the braid as may be, and a
+cord and tassels, finish off this elegant head-dress.
+
+The cord should be run in and out through the thirteenth round. We,
+however, prefer a single-crochet band of some fifty stitches long and
+six or eight wide, worked in the same material as the net, to a cord,
+and this band may be finished off with a piece of gold fringe instead of
+tassels at the ends, or with a scallop of edging crocheted in gold
+twist.
+
+
+DRESS GLOVE BANDS; FULL OR FRILLED SHAPE.
+
+Take three pieces of fine embroidery chenille, and a No. 3 bone crochet
+hook.
+
+Make a chain of about forty stitches, or one long enough to go round
+the wrist; Dc one row.
+
+_3rd row_--Two long, one chain and miss a stitch--repeat this all along.
+Then one row Dc.
+
+_6th row_--Long crochet worked _very_ loosely, so much so as to leave
+these stitches _at least_ half an inch high; two stitches to be put into
+every second or third loop and one in each of the others all the way
+along; fasten off.
+
+Join the chenille now on to the first row, and work a similar row or
+frill to the one just directed, so that there be one on each side.
+
+Run a narrow velvet through the holes of the third row and affix wider
+velvet ends, or chenille tassels to each extremity. Finish off with a
+button and loop, and flute the frill on each side over the finger to
+make it set.
+
+We need scarcely say that the chenille used should be selected to match
+or agree with the evening dress, and that the velvet must match the
+chenille.
+
+These bands may be made to look very handsome by working a row of Dc
+loosely and evenly along the edge of each frill with gold or silver
+twist, and running a band of gold or silver braid or trimming through
+the holes in the third row instead of velvet. Then small bullion tassels
+to match the twist will form a suitable and elegant finish.
+
+These bands may be worked round and slid over the hand like muffatees,
+or made open as we have directed and buttoned, like the glove. The
+buttons should be covered with crochet, and the loops crocheted.
+
+
+KNITTED UNDER HABIT SHIRT.
+
+Three ounces of Three thread White Fleecy Wool. Pair of No. 10 Bone
+Knitting Pins. Cast on forty-five stitches.
+
+Knit three rows.
+
+_4th row_--Knit ten; × make two and knit two together; knit one; × knit
+the last six stitches.
+
+_5th row_--Knit, dropping the second of each of the two made stitches
+all along.
+
+Knit eight rows.
+
+_14th row_--Knit ten; × make one and knit two together × repeat until
+six remain; knit three; make one; knit three.
+
+_15th row_--Knit six; × make one and knit two together × repeat until
+ten remain, which knit.
+
+Repeat these two rows three times more each, only not enlarging one (as
+in the end of row fourteen), _every_ time, but only once in four rows,
+merely knitting the six in the intervening rows.
+
+_22nd row_--Knit. Knit the next seven rows.
+
+_30th row_--Same as _14th_.
+
+_31st_ row--Same as _15th_.
+
+Keep on alternately knitting eight open, and then eight knitted rows,
+and enlarging one stitch at the end in every fourth row until there are
+a hundred and twenty-four rows.
+
+Then decrease one stitch at the beginning or front in every other row
+for thirty-two rows, still continuing the pattern as before, and still
+enlarging one stitch in every fourth row, at the end or back. This
+shapes one side of the neck.
+
+Now knit forty-eight rows without increase or decrease at either end,
+continuing the pattern or alternation of eight open and eight plain
+knitted rows. This forms the back of the neck and the bottom of the back
+of the habit-shirt.
+
+In the next thirty-two rows we diminish one in every fourth row, by
+knitting two together at the back, while at the same time in every
+fourth row, at the back, we knit two together, and make one in order to
+form a series of holes, or pattern parallel to that on the other side
+caused by enlarging in every fourth row. We also cast on one, at the
+opposite end, in every other row, to shape the second side of the neck.
+We then knit one hundred and twelve rows, having each ten knitted
+stitches in the front of the habit-shirt, as on the opposite side, and
+six at the back, and decreasing one in every fourth row, at the back,
+and continuing the pattern, and also the series of holes at the back.
+
+Knit eight rows.
+
+Knit ten stitches, × make two and knit two together; × knit six at end.
+
+Knit all, dropping the second of each of the two made stitches. Knit two
+rows; cast off.
+
+Now, with same needles, pick up the stitches all along the right front
+of the habit-shirt; knit two rows and cast off. Do the same on the left
+front. Then pick up those of the neck, and do the same, shaping it, if
+necessary, by knitting two together occasionally. These finishing-off
+rows look pretty done in pale pink or blue wool. Button-holes may be
+made thus:--in the front or where the ten stitches are, and about once
+in thirty rows, knit three; cast off four; knit three instead of
+knitting the ten as usual. Next row, when we get back to the ten
+stitches, knit three; cast on four; knit three.
+
+
+INFANT'S KNITTED SOCKS.
+
+Half an ounce of White Lamb's Wool. Three No. 13 Knitting Needles. Cast
+on Thirty stitches.
+
+_1st row_--Knit.
+
+_2nd row_--Knit two; make or enlarge one stitch by picking up one from
+the previous row and knitting it; knit all the rest.
+
+_3rd row_--Knit. Repeat second and third rows alternately four times
+more each of them.
+
+_12th row_--Knit two; make a stitch according to directions above given;
+knit rest until four remain; knit two together; knit two.
+
+_13th row_--Knit. Repeat these two rows alternately three times more
+each.
+
+_20th row_--Knit two; enlarge one as before directed; knit rest until
+two remain; enlarge one; knit two.
+
+_21st row_--Knit. Repeat these two rows alternately three more times
+each.
+
+_28th row_--Knit.
+
+_29th row_--Knit fourteen stitches, and leave the other upon the needle.
+Take up the third needle and knit twenty rows more, of fourteen stitches
+each.
+
+_49th row_--Knit two together; knit twelve; on same needle, and with
+same wool, cast on twenty-seven stitches.
+
+_50th row_--Knit.
+
+_51st row_--Knit two; knit two together; knit rest until four remain;
+knit two together; knit two.
+
+_52nd row_--Knit. Repeat these two rows alternately twice more each.
+
+_57th row_--Knit two; make one in manner directed; knit rest until four
+remain; knit two together; knit two.
+
+_58th row_--Knit. Repeat these two rows alternately three times more
+each.
+
+_65th row_--Knit all until four remain; knit two together; knit two.
+
+_66th row_--Knit. Repeat these two rows alternately four more times
+each.
+
+_75th row_--Knit.
+
+_76th row_--Cast off.
+
+This completes the slipper portion of the sock. We now begin the
+instep-piece. Take the wool and knit off ten stitches from the needle on
+which the twenty-seven stitches were left; knit these ten from the
+toe-end, or that where the twenty rows of fourteen stitches each has
+been made; leave the remaining seventeen stitches still on the same
+needle. Knit twenty rows of ten stitches, and in every other one pick up
+the edge-stitch of the toe-piece and knit it with the tenth stitch, so
+as to unite these two portions, viz: the toe and the instep. With each
+stitch of the twentieth row, an edge-stitch of the side at the toe-end
+of the slipper must be picked up, knitted and cast off, and a neat and
+entire union of the toe of the slipper and the instep piece formed.
+
+This instep piece is to be ribbed in rows of four, viz: four rows in
+which the plain side is uppermost, and four rows in which the pearled
+side is uppermost.
+
+We now commence the leg portion of the sock.
+
+With the needle which has been left in the first side of the slipper
+carefully pick up the edge-stitches all along the instep-piece and side
+of the slipper; when this is done, there should be about fifty on the
+needle. Take the wool and knit all along, including the picked up
+stitches, and the seventeen originally on the needle. Knit two rows.
+
+_4th row_--Knit two; × make two (not by picking up, but in the ordinary
+way, by passing the wool twice over the needle), and knit two together;
+knit one; × repeat.
+
+_5th row_--Knit all; casting off one of each of the double made
+stitches. Now knit twenty rows ribbed like the instep-piece.
+
+_26th row_--× Knit one; make one and knit two together; × repeat all
+round.
+
+_27th row_--Knit.
+
+_28th row_--Knit two; × make one and knit two together; knit one; ×
+repeat.
+
+_29th, 30th, and 31st rows_--Knit.
+
+_32nd row_--Cast off.
+
+Take a wool needle, thread it with wool, and sew up the sock neatly,
+stitch for stitch, from the top of the leg to the point of the sole;
+then sew the toe; turn it; put on a little rosette of raveled wool; run
+a ribbon in and out through the holes at rows 4 and 5, of the leg
+portion, and it is completed.
+
+As this is intended for an Infant's Sock, we have ordered white wool,
+that being most useful; should it, however, be wished to knit socks for
+an older baby, the slipper may be made of Cerise, Scarlet, Pale Blue,
+Green, or Straw-colored wool; and the 26th, 27th, and 28th rows, of the
+leg portion, and the casting-off done in the color of the slipper; while
+the instep-piece and the rest of the sock are made in white wool.
+
+The sock may also be enlarged by casting on extra stitches in the
+beginning, and adding a couple of rows to each of the divisions of the
+slipper part, and enough to the toe to preserve its form and symmetry.
+
+Almost any of the open anti-maccassar patterns may be used for knitting
+the sock and instep-piece, if a light lace-like appearance is desired.
+The well-known rose-leaf pattern looks particularly pretty.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXII.
+
+SERVANTS.
+
+
+An English writer, speaking of servants, says:--
+
+"There is no question but that we should seek to perform _all_ our
+duties without hope of recompense; and yet, as regards our treatment of
+servants, we should be especially careful that, in endeavoring to make
+their bodily comfort and mental improvement an object of consideration,
+we do not allow ourselves to dwell on the hope of gratitude or affection
+from them in return. Many have done so, and having, with that view, been
+tempted to accord unwise indulgences and to overlook serious faults,
+they have found that, far from gaining the love of their servants, they
+have incurred their contempt; and when they have perceived that their
+favors, unappreciated, have led but to new encroachments, they have
+hardened their hearts and rushed into an opposite extreme. Then they
+have considered their servants as mere machines, from which labor must
+be extorted by all available means.
+
+"A man servant is rarely grateful, and seldom attached. He is generally
+incapable of appreciating those advantages which, with your cultivated
+judgment, you know to be the most conducive to his welfare. Do you
+accord to him regular hours, a stated allowance of work; do you refrain
+from sending him out because it is wet and he is unwell; do you serve
+yourself rather than ring for him at dinner time; he will rarely have
+the grace to thank you in his heart for your constant consideration.
+Hear him! He will thus describe a comfortable place:--'There were very
+few in the family; when they went out of a night, we made it up of a
+morning; we had nice hot suppers, and the cook made a good hash for
+breakfast, and we always got luncheon between that and dinner; and we
+were all very comfortable together, and had a friend in when we liked.
+Master swore at us sometimes, but often made us a present for it when he
+had been very violent; a good-hearted man as ever lived, and mistress
+was quite the lady, and never meddled with servants. It was a capital
+place!'
+
+"Servants' sympathies are with their equals. They feel for a poor
+servant run off his legs, and moped to death; they have no feeling for a
+pains-taking mistress, economical both from principle and scanty means;
+they would (most of them) see her property wasted, and her confidence
+abused without compunction. It is the last effort of a virtue in a
+servant if, without any _private reason_, he should discharge his duty
+by informing you of the injury which you are enduring at the hands of
+his fellow servant. It is an effort of virtue, for it will bring down
+many a bitter taunt and hard word upon his faithful head. '_I_ never got
+a servant out of a place by telling tales on him,' will be said to him.
+Directly a servant departs, we all know, tongues, tied before, are
+loosed, to gain our favor by apparent candor. When it can avail us
+nothing, we are told. We all know this, and have said, 'Be silent now,
+you should have mentioned this at the time.' Supposing, then, you have
+the _rara avis_, the servant that 'speaks at the time,' be chary of him,
+or let me say _her_, (the best servants are women.) Oh! as you value
+her, let her not suppose you cannot part with her. Treat her with
+confidence, but with strict impartiality; reprove when necessary,
+mildly, but decidedly; lest she should presume (power is so tempting),
+and compel you, if you would retain your freedom, to let her go.
+
+"There is one thing a man servant values beyond all that your kindness
+and your consideration can do for him--his liberty; liberty to eat,
+drink, and be merry, with your things in the company of his own friends;
+liberty to get the housemaid to clean his candlesticks, and bring up his
+coals; and the housemaid wishes for liberty to lie in bed in the
+morning, because she was up so late talking to John in the pantry;
+liberty to wear flounces and flowers. The cook desires liberty too. For
+this liberty, if you grant it, they will despise you; if you deny it,
+they will respect you. Aim at their esteem; despair of their love or
+gratitude; make your place what the best class of servants will value,
+and, though in their heart, they may not thank you for it, you will
+gain, perhaps, one servant out of twenty who will keep gross imposition
+and gross immorality at bay.
+
+"These remarks can never be intended to deny the warm attachment of
+female servants to the children of their employers. Deep love, no doubt,
+is lavished by many a woman on the babe she has nursed. There is a
+great deal to be said on the chapter of nurses which would require to be
+dealt with by itself. Much wisdom is required in the administration of a
+nursery, to which few general rules would apply. Cruel is the tyranny
+the nurse frequently practises on the parent, who often refrains from
+entering her nursery, not from want of love to her children, but
+positive dread of the sour looks which greet her. Let her be firm, let
+no shrinking from grieving her darling, who would 'break his heart if
+his Nanna went,' deter her from discharging the encroaching servant.
+
+"I know a lady who was quietly informed by her nurse that she must have
+a 'specified hour' for visiting her children, for that her entering
+without ceremony was most inconvenient. The poor young lady, who was
+fully persuaded her delicate infant would die, if removed to a
+stranger's hands, meekly obeyed, and though tortured by the cries of the
+poor sickly baby, never dared to intrude lest the nurse should abandon
+it. This is a true history, and the sequel may as well be given: that
+the nurse remained seven years, at the end of which time, having become
+insupportable, though really devoted to the children, she gave warning,
+and, though it cost her mistress bitter tears and much resolution, she
+was suffered to depart, and then peace entered that house.
+
+"On the choice of servants much of the comfort of the young housekeeper
+depends. It often happens that her choice has been determined by
+appearance rather than the value of character. If such be the case, she
+will have many difficulties to encounter. It is, in the present day,
+hardly safe to take a servant if there be a single objection to
+character, however it may be glossed over by the person referred to on
+this point; for there is now an unhealthy disposition to pass over the
+failings of servants who have left their places, and to make them
+perfect in the eyes of others. In respect to sobriety, many people will
+not acknowledge that a servant had had the vice of drinking, but will
+cover the unpleasant truth in such gentle and plausible terms that it
+becomes difficult to comprehend how far the hint is grounded, or not. Be
+assured when a lady or gentleman hesitates on this point, or on that of
+honesty, it is wiser not to engage a servant. Nor are you deviating from
+Christian charity in not overlooking a dereliction of so material a
+sort. The kindest plan to the vast community of domestic servants is to
+be rigid in all important points, and having, after a due experience, a
+just confidence in them, to be somewhat indulgent to errors of a more
+trivial nature.
+
+"If all young housekeepers were strict upon the subject of dress, much
+misery to servants would be saved, much temptation avoided, and
+self-reproach prevented. Instead of this kind, and wise, and matronly
+particularity, a type of the good, old-fashioned common sense of our
+grandmothers, ladies now countenance their ladies'-maids in
+discontinuing caps, or, if they have caps, in wearing flowers and lace,
+flowered gowns, and other items of little apparent moment in detail, but
+of much importance to a community as serviceable to the public when well
+managed and respectable, as they are odious and noxious when immoral or
+insolent. After these cruel indulgences, ladies marvel when they find
+servants rise above their station and that they will not bear even a
+mild reproof; they wonder that a plain, useful servant is nowhere to be
+met with. There is now no medium between the fine lady with mittens and
+flowers who dresses your hair, and the dirty sloven of a lodging-house.
+All housemaids must now be upper housemaids; cooks must be cooks and
+housekeepers. The homely housemaid--that invaluable character in her
+way--is indeed difficult to be found; and, at a time when cleanliness is
+at its zenith, the rarity is to discover any one who will clean. All,
+except the raw country girl, expect to have deputies; and, if we go on
+to perfection in this unhealthy system, we shall soon have no working
+servants above twenty years of age. The consequence is, that a greater
+number of servants are kept in every household than formerly in similar
+families; many of these menials are corrupted by congregating together
+and by idleness. The loud and crying complaints of the worthlessness of
+this class are but too justly founded. That they are more mercenary than
+ever, is owing to the pernicious system which lifts them up above their
+condition, but fails to elevate them in the moral standard. In the scale
+of virtue they sink every day lower and lower; in the outward attributes
+they are, as they consider it, raised in character and improved in
+appearance.
+
+"But is it so? The beauty of every thing is fitness. Is the half-fine,
+unlady-like, yet lady-like creature, who answers to your dressing-room
+bell, half so respectable as the old-fashioned, plainly dressed,
+careful, homely maiden of your young days? Is it not with a feeling of
+disgust that you turn from the attempted finery, and sigh for plain
+collars, and caps undecked by flowers, again? I think, among the
+best-bred, the most sensible, and, indeed, the most highly born people
+of a superior stamp, this disgust is so strong that, in some families, a
+grave and suitable costume is introduced for the female servants, and
+the effect is satisfactory, both on the appearance and on the mode of
+thinking of these persons. But this wise, and therefore kind plan, is
+far from being general; and I have heard that a lady's-maid complained
+to her mistress that she found herself the subject of ridicule, owing to
+her not wearing silks, and indeed satins, as the other ladies'-maids
+did.
+
+"It becomes the duty of ladies of influence to rise above the silly
+vanity which, I fear, affects some of them, of seeing their
+ladies'-maids as smart as ladies, and to oppose innovations on the
+decencies of society, so pernicious to the class upon whom much of our
+comfort depends. In setting out in life, a young married lady ought to
+be more than ordinarily strict in these matters, for her inexperience
+will certainly be taken advantage of to some extent. If she be rich
+enough to have a housekeeper, let her endeavor to select one of strict
+religious faith, plain in attire, grave, but kind, and of good sense,
+and even intelligence; for cultivation of mind will never, whatever may
+be stated, detract from the utility of a servant. It is absurd to
+attribute to the diffusion of knowledge the deterioration of servants;
+it is rather owing to the scanty amount of knowledge among them. Most
+superficial is the education about which so much is said and written;
+were servants more thoroughly grounded in many branches of knowledge,
+they would be wiser, less rapacious, more systematic, and better
+contented than they are. They are wretched reasoners, generally losing
+sight of their own true interest, and grasping at that which is unreal
+and visionary. If they were better educated, this would not be the case;
+they would be less vain, less credulous; they would know what qualities
+to respect; they would weigh better the advantage of their lot; and they
+would work better as servants. They would give mind, where now they only
+give hands; and their acquirements, taken from school as they are in
+very early youth, are not ever likely to be such as to make the routine
+of their work distasteful to them, from over refinement or cultivation.
+
+"It is always desirable to have, if possible, servants of one faith. But
+if it so happens that you have a Roman Catholic servant and a Protestant
+in your service, you are bound to allow each the free exercise of her
+religion, and you ought not to respect them if, out of interest, they
+will conform to yours. An exercise of authority on this point amounts,
+in my opinion, to an act of tyranny, and it can only tend to promote
+insincerity, and, perhaps, engender scepticism in its object. Nothing
+is, indeed, so dangerous as to unsettle the faith of the lower classes,
+who have neither time nor opportunity of fairly considering subjects of
+religious controversy.
+
+"While on the subject of servants, I must deprecate the over-indulgence
+of the present system towards them. Formerly they were treated with real
+kindness, but it was the kindness that exacted duty in return, and took
+a real interest in the welfare of each servant. The reciprocal tie in
+former times between servant and master was strong, now it is wholly
+gone. The easy rule of masters and mistresses proceeds far more from
+indifference than from kindness of heart; for the real charity is to
+keep servants steadily to their duties. They are a class of persons to
+whom much leisure is destruction; the pursuits of their idle hours are
+seldom advantageous to them, and theirs are not minds which can thrive
+in repose. Idleness, to them, is peculiarly the root of all evil, for,
+if their time is not spent in vicious amusements, it is often passed in
+slander, discontent, or vanity. In writing thus, I do not recommend a
+hard or inconsiderate system to servants. They require, and in many
+instances they merit, all that can be done to alleviate a situation of
+servitude. They ought not to be the slaves of caprice or the victims of
+temper. Their work should be measured out with a just hand; but it
+should be regularly exacted in as much perfection as can be expected in
+variable and erring human nature.
+
+"Another point on which I would recommend firmness is that of early
+hours. In this respect example is as important as precept; but, however
+uncertain you may be yourself, I would not relax a rule of that kind.
+For every comfort during the day depends upon the early rising of your
+servants. Without this, all their several departments are hurried
+through or neglected in some important respect.
+
+"Your mode of address to servants must be decisive, yet mild. The
+authoritative tone I do not recommend. It is very unbecoming to any
+young person, and it rarely attains the end desired; but there is a
+quiet dignity of deportment which few servants ever can resist. This
+should be tempered with kindness, when circumstances call it forth, but
+should never descend to familiarity. For no caution is more truly kind
+than which confines servants strictly to their own sphere.
+
+"Much evil results from the tendency, more especially of very young, or
+of very old mistresses of families, to partiality. Commonly, one servant
+becomes the almost avowed favorite; and it is difficult to say whether
+that display of partiality is the more pernicious to the servant who is
+the object of it, or to the rankling and jealous minds of the rest of
+the household. It is true that it is quite impossible to avoid
+entertaining a greater degree of confidence in some servants than in
+others; but it should be shown with a due regard to the feelings of all.
+It is, of course, allowable towards those who take a decidedly
+responsible and confidential situation in a household. Still, never let
+such persons assume the reins of government; let them act the part of
+helmsman to the vessel, but not aspire to the control of the captain.
+
+"It is generally wise and right, after a due experience of the
+principles and intentions of servants, to place confidence in their
+honesty, and to let them have the comfort of knowing that you do so. At
+the same time, never cease to exercise a system of supervision. The
+great principle of housekeeping is regularity; and without this (one of
+the most difficult of the minor virtues to practice) all efforts to
+promote order must be ineffectual. I have seen energetic women, clever
+and well-intentioned, fail in attaining a good method, owing to their
+being uncertain in hours, governed by impulse, and capricious. I have
+seen women, inferior in capacity, slow, and apathetic, make excellent
+heads of families, as far as their household was concerned, from their
+steadiness and regularity. Their very power of enduring monotony has
+been favorable to their success in this way, especially if they are not
+called upon to act in peculiar and difficult cases, in which their
+actual inferiority is traceable. But these are not the ordinary
+circumstances of life.
+
+"In closing these remarks on the management of servants, let me exhort
+you never to forget that they are fellow-laborers, in the life of
+probation, with ourselves; let us not embitter their lives by harshness,
+or proffer to them temptation from carelessness and over-indulgence.
+Since all that is given us of this world's goods is but in trust, let us
+regard our servants as beings for whose conduct, while under our
+control, we are more or less responsible. It is true that, if they come
+to us with morals wholly depraved, it is not likely that the most
+strenuous exertions can amend them; but many waver between good and
+evil. Let us endeavor to excite in their minds a respect for virtue, to
+give them motives for industry, inducements to save their wages. Those
+who have large households should not deem the morals of the meanest of
+their servants beneath their investigation, or too obscure for their
+influence to reach."
+
+Some attention is absolutely necessary, in this country, to the training
+of servants, as they come here from the lowest ranks of English and
+Irish peasantry, with as much idea of politeness as the pig domesticated
+in the cabin of the latter.
+
+Opening the door seems a simple act, yet few servants perform it in a
+proper, respectful manner. Let your servant understand that the door
+must be opened immediately after the bell rings. Visitors, from neglect
+of this rule, will often ring several times, and finally leave the door.
+I have known an instance when in a case of severe illness the patient
+lost the visit of the doctor, who, after ringing some minutes, was
+obliged to pay other visits, and could not return to the sufferer's
+house until several hours later.
+
+When opening the door some servants hold it ajar and hold a long parley
+with the person on the steps, as if afraid they wished to enter for the
+purpose of murder or theft.
+
+Train them to answer the door promptly, speak politely to any one who
+may be there, excuse you, if necessary, to visitors in courteous terms,
+or, if you are in, show the callers into the parlor, take their card,
+and come back quickly with your answer.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIII.
+
+ON A YOUNG LADY'S CONDUCT WHEN CONTEMPLATING MARRIAGE.
+
+
+The following chapter, met with in a recent perusal of an English work
+for young ladies, strikes me as so admirable, and so appropriate in this
+place, that I quote the chapter entire:
+
+"The difficulties and trials of life have only just begun when a young
+lady fancies herself to be of sufficient importance to become the theme
+of animadversion. She knows little of the true importance of
+self-control, until she experiences the first indications of preference
+shown her by the other sex.
+
+"Such indications are often manifested, whilst she to whom they are
+directed, is wholly unprepared to analyze her own feelings, before her
+opinions upon what she has seen are by any means developed; before she
+has even considered adequately, on what her happiness depends; before
+she has discernment to reject what is frivolous, or wisdom to prefer
+what is good. This is more especially the case in the highest and lowest
+classes, in which, by a strange analogy, they either rush into the
+marriage state whilst children, or wait until the bloom and hopes of
+youth have forever passed away, in order to form interested matches. The
+matured period of five-and-twenty to thirty, is passed by the lower
+classes in the single state in labor to gain subsistence; after thirty,
+or even forty, we often find them marrying. But the majority have sealed
+their own fate before the age of twenty.
+
+"In high life, the same haste to dispose of daughters prevails as among
+the lowest classes. At seventeen, most of our belles of fashion expect
+to receive proposals. If they do not marry within a few years after
+their introduction, they have a mortified sense of having lost
+time--that the expectations of friends and of parents have not been
+fulfilled; that others have 'gone off' before them. The next ten years
+are often a period of subdued vexation, and the sweetness and
+contentment of the original character is impaired. About seven or eight
+and twenty, the views of life are sobered--the expectations chastened--a
+renovation takes place--women again become agreeable; their minds must
+in the lapse of time, even with a miserable store of observation, have
+improved. They then often marry--and, if the union be not a mere effort
+of despair, if it be based on sound and holy principles, and on good
+sense, there is, for both parties engaged, a great likelihood of
+happiness.
+
+"But, it may be naturally contended, that there come not to _all_ young
+ladies the opportunities of which I write; that indications of
+preference arrive not to all. I am inclined to believe that, with good
+temper, pleasing manners, and respectable connections, there exists, in
+modern society, very few young ladies who have not received under
+various circumstances, some marks of preference, more or less decided.
+Beauty and plainness are arbitrary, not positive, terms. Unless there be
+any actual deformity, any great infirmity, in which case I think it were
+cruel to pre-suppose the likelihood of such indications, there is no
+one, that I hardly ever met with, who has not had, on some grounds, her
+partizans and admirers. The plain are often particularized as elegant;
+tastes vary: even a sour look I have heard admired as sensible, cold
+manners eulogized as correct. Opinion, however it may generally verge to
+the correct, springs from so many sources, it is so governed by
+association of ideas, such trifles may guide it, that I am never
+surprised at the latitude given to personal encomium nor at the endless
+variety and incongruity of human judgment. It is well that all have a
+chance of being approved, admired, beloved, and it remains for them to
+avail themselves of those possibilities which contribute so much to
+happiness. For we are sympathizing beings, and a law of our nature makes
+us look for a return of sympathy. We are sent here to form ties, and to
+love, and to be loved, whether the term applies to parental, or filial,
+or fraternal love--or whether it respects the less sure and more fitful
+experiences of love, in its ordinary sense.
+
+"I do not blame the parents who instil into their children of both sexes
+a desire to be married. I think those who teach the young a different
+lesson deceive them. Marriage, with all its chances, its infelicities,
+its sacrifices, is seldom so infelicitous, so uncertain, so full of
+sacrifice, as the single state. Life must have some objects, and those
+objects must be progressive. The mind is happier and healthier with
+such interests, even if sorrow comes along with them, than in its
+solitude, its desolate freedom from care, when having, as the phrase is,
+no troubles of the conjugal sort to disturb its tranquillity. I
+therefore do not censure those who desire to see their daughters happily
+and suitably established in life. It is the indiscreet and vulgar haste,
+the indelicacy, the low mercenary views, and the equally low ambition to
+compass a splendid match, which is blameable and revolting in the
+parental conduct.
+
+"Many are, however, blessed with guides and guardians of very different
+characters; with parents, whose lofty natures not only reject such
+unworthy notions, but somewhat incline to the extreme of repelling all
+advances for their daughters. In either case, the conduct of a young
+lady may be the same. It is she who must form her own destiny in points
+on which none can effectually aid her. It is she who is to be the happy
+wife, or the wretched victim; and it is to her that these observations
+of admonition and of warning are addressed. Let us suppose her young, of
+course, attractive in appearance, of good birth, and some fortune. I
+here except heiresses, who, being anomalies, deserve a particular
+paragraph for themselves. But let us suppose that no obstacle of family
+or connection interferes to check the approach of a suitor.
+
+"The eyes of her family and of her young friends are upon her, when a
+young lady receives the first indications of preference. She is
+generally ashamed of it. This is the first sentiment of a modest and
+ingenuous mind, and it is one indication, in my opinion, of the
+impropriety of early marriages. Nature seems still to wish to keep the
+young and blushing girl apart from that connection which entails grave
+and arduous duties. But Nature's voice is far less often heard than that
+of her adversary, expediency. I must, therefore, shape my injunctions to
+that which exists, not to that which we would wish to exist.
+
+"Almost sinking under this painful sense of shame, this novel
+disturbance of her usual set of feelings, a young girl catches at the
+first reed to save herself from observation and detection. I mean
+detection of her perception of that which others may or may not see. She
+seizes upon ridicule. She pretends to laugh at one, whom sometimes her
+youthful romantic fancy dwells upon in a very different sense. She
+laughs at the foibles, supposed or real, of her admirer: she plays a
+dangerous game. If any of those to whom she imparts her witticisms are
+malevolently disposed or thoughtless, she runs a risk either of wounding
+the feelings of a man whom she does not like, or of losing the regard of
+one whom she might in time not only esteem, but love.
+
+"Another effect of such attentions as awaken a consciousness in a young
+lady's mind, is the gratification of vanity, perhaps until then latent
+in her heart. The first preference is apt to upset the reason of its
+object as of him who shows it. The word vanity does not seem to imply
+danger. Vanity is generally considered an innocent failing; but it is
+innocent only as some kinds of food are to a healthy subject. On a weak,
+or even on an inexperienced mind, it acts, sometimes, fatally for the
+vain. A girl is either carried away by admiration so as to be flippant
+and foolish, or she is blinded by her vanity to the failings of the man
+who first admires her. She is intoxicated with the notion of an offer
+of marriage; she imagines, in her simplicity, effervesced as it is by
+the infusion of flattered vanity, that she has inspired such an
+attachment as will never be recovered, should she prove adverse to it.
+Many an engagement has been formed under this conviction, and fulfilled
+only to prove its fallacy, for the love which was supposed too strong to
+survive disappointment, has expired in the fruition of its hopes.
+
+"To guard against either of these risks to happiness, a well-educated
+girl should endeavor, in this, to exercise her judgment. She should be
+sincere. She is blameable to ridicule the attentions which are meant as
+complimentary to her. They ought to be at least regarded with respect.
+
+"Should they not be acceptable, she is inexcusable to requite them with
+levity and disdain. Let her reflect how she would like such conduct
+herself. Besides, she is often making a bitter enemy; perhaps she is
+exciting fierce and unamiable sentiments in one who otherwise might have
+been regarded as a mild and worthy individual. Let her be undeceived if
+she supposes that in thus doing she is carrying herself with dignity, or
+acquiring any added admiration from others. She ceases, in thus acting,
+to support the characteristics of a gentlewoman, which are mildness,
+courtesy, and reserve. If she cherishes, in spite of her pretended
+disgust, a secret partiality for the individual who distinguishes her,
+if she is lowering the esteem of a man whom she prefers, she not only
+incurs the hazard of losing his regard, but she is scattering ridicule
+on one whom she afterwards avows as her choice. In that case, she is
+lowering herself, or she is sowing the seeds of distrust in the minds of
+those who know her--she is, perhaps, frustrating and delaying her own
+happiness. Let her act with candor, with consideration, with good sense,
+and all this web which her folly would weave around her will not
+embarrass her. Let her not madly and obstinately resist the advice of
+those on whose affection to her, and on whose good judgment, experience
+has taught her to rely. Let her be a child in nothing except humility;
+let her listen to counsels; yet her own heart must decide for her--none
+can know so well as herself its secret throbs, or the impression of
+dislike or of regard which has been made upon it.
+
+"I am, I confess, an enemy to trying to like a person, as I have rarely
+seen such a mental process end in happiness to either party. If an
+advantageous proposal offer itself, it is wiser decidedly to refuse it,
+than to trust to the slow growth of affection, upon a foundation of
+original dislike. And the trials of married life are such,--its
+temptations to irritability and contention are so manifold, its
+anxieties so unforseen and so complicated, that few can steer their
+difficult course safely and happily, unless there be a deep and true
+attachment, to contend with all the storms which may arise in the
+navigation.
+
+"Deeply impressed with this conviction, should it be the lot of any
+young lady in whom I were interested to form a real, well-grounded
+attachment to a man whose circumstances were indifferent, I should
+counsel her, provided she can depend on the character and exertions of
+the object so beloved, to risk the event of an engagement--to trust to
+time and Providence, and to marry whenever means were afforded,--convinced
+as I am, that patience, and trust, and true affection, raise the
+character, and are acceptable in the eyes of our Heavenly Father. But
+in such a case, she must school her mind to meet the anxieties which
+attend limited means. She must prepare herself, by habits of diligence
+and economy, to become a poor man's wife. She must learn the difficult
+art of doing well upon a little. She must not, be she in any rank of
+life, think to indulge with impunity to herself in every refinement and
+luxury when she is single; and, upon her marriage, imagine that she can
+attain the practice of economy by wishing it. Such metamorphoses are out
+of reason--out of nature. She must endeavor before the bond which ties
+her to poverty is framed, to understand the duties of housekeeping, the
+mysteries of needle-work. She must lay down to herself rules of
+expenditure suitable, in part, to her future condition in life. Many a
+wife, thus commencing, has laid the foundations of future fortune, at
+least independence, to her husband, by keeping his mind at peace, during
+his progress up the steep ascent to professional, or clerical, or
+literary fame. Many a home has been cheered by domestic forbearance, and
+placid submission to circumstances, even in the higher classes, during
+the life-time of a father, or in the course of those long expectancies,
+in which the fortitude and principle of many of the aristocracy are
+tried and proved. But the self-denial, the cheerfulness, the good
+management, the strict principle, are formed at an earlier period than
+that in which a young lady gives her hand to him whom she has chosen,
+in spite of the frown of fortune, as her husband.
+
+"Of this let the young be assured; there are few situations in life, in
+which a man, young, and in health, cannot meliorate his circumstances,
+if he possess energy and if he be stimulated by a true affection. The
+clergyman, with humble stipend, often hopeless from want of interest,
+has leisure--he has had education. He may, if he desires to assist
+himself, have recourse to literary labor, or to tuition. If he make not
+such exertion, during the course of an engagement, what hope can there
+be of him in future life?
+
+"The young lawyer, however tedious his advancement, however few his
+opportunities, may also distinguish himself in a literary career.
+Innumerable are the subjects open to one of such a profession. How few
+avail themselves of the chance! Upon this rely, the man truly in love
+will make the effort. To the military man, though perhaps he may be less
+qualified, the same course is open, in a degree. Some of our best
+travels, some of our most amusing literary productions, have been the
+compositions of military men. And the advantage of this mode of aiding a
+small fortune is, that a man not only does not lower, but he raises his
+position by it, if his works are moral, written in a gentlemanly spirit,
+and affording information. However deep the attachment, however
+agreeable the object, if a man be indisposed to help himself to
+independence and competence, I should counsel no woman to continue an
+engagement formed in the expectation of 'times mending.' When I
+advocate the indulgence of attachment, it is to worthy, not to
+unworthy, objects.
+
+"I now come to speak of moral character. Hard is the contest between
+affection and expediency, when it is raised by the question of
+circumstances. But harder still is it, when its result is to be decided
+upon an inquiry into moral conduct. I know not a more cruel situation
+than that when the heart is bestowed on one whom the judgment could not
+approve. I know not one which should be more strictly guarded against,
+not only by parents and friends, but (for I would impress on every young
+lady how much she may prove the best guardian of her own happiness) by
+the female heart itself.
+
+"With every vigilance, with little to blame, little to repent, such
+cases will occur in this world. The feelings are interested, but the
+judgment distrusts. Happy is it for those who know the combat between
+affection and principle only in single life, and have not the misery of
+encountering so severe a destiny when it can no longer be remedied--who
+know not how to fulfill the vow to honor what is proved to be
+unworthy--and yet still must love,--for the affections once given, are
+little in our own power.
+
+"In such a case occurring to the young, in, perhaps, a first attachment,
+I think they must be guided by friends. I am _not_ an advocate for the
+interference of friends: where it is much a question of a long and
+contingent engagement--a question of being married at once, or of
+waiting, in some uncertainty--a question of ease or discomfort, of
+limited means or luxury--in such instances, if the moral character be
+unexceptionable, it is the duty of parents to point out all the risk,
+all the disadvantages, but to leave the heart to form its own decisions.
+Let them not seek to wrench the affections from the channel in which
+they flowed, when fresh from their source. They cannot know how deep the
+channel is--they cannot know if ever those pure and beautiful waters
+will flow in peace again when once hastily turned aside. But in cases of
+moral character, of right or wrong, the affair is wholly different, and
+the strictest parental authority ought, upon due inquiry, to be
+exercised.
+
+"Submission and self-control are then the duty of the young
+sufferer--for a sufferer she truly _is_;--no page of her after-history
+could unfold a bitterer pang. But peace and hope come at last--the
+struggle, though violent, leaves behind it none of that corroding
+sorrow, which would have accompanied the acquiescence of parents in a
+union unblessed by a Providence, whose will is that all should be pure,
+even as He above is pure. Had your fond wishes been granted, young and
+trusting being, how fearful would have been your condition! For there is
+no suspicion so revolting to an innocent mind as that which unseats love
+from his throne in our affections, and places another in his stead. Be
+assured of this--little can you know of the moral conduct of the other
+sex; little is it desirable that you should know. But whenever
+improprieties are so flagrant as to be matters of conversation; when the
+good shun, and the pitying forbear to excuse; be assured some deeper
+cause than you can divine exists for the opprobrium. Think not that your
+empire over affections thus wasted can be a real one. It is transient,
+it will not last--it will not bring reformation--it will never be
+adequately requited. Throw yourself on the judgment of those whose
+interest in you has been life-long, or of such as you know truly regard
+your happiness; conquer the unhallowed preference; pray for support and
+guidance; trust in Him who 'catereth for the sparrow.'
+
+"But, when the commencement of life is chilled by so cruel a
+sorrow--when the blight has fallen on the bud--we must not only look up
+to heavenly aid, we must take every means of care for an unfortunate,
+and, when once the judgment is convinced of the unworthiness of the
+object, a blameable attachment. How often, in the Psalms, in the
+Gospels, the word 'Help' is reiterated! We are to help ourselves--we
+must work for our heavenly peace on earth--the mental discipline, to
+prosper, must be aided by divine grace, but its springs must be from our
+own hearts. And, to fulfill the will of God in this, as in the other
+events of life, let us take such means as may aid us in the work of
+self-government.
+
+"In the first place, let employment be resorted to by the sorrowing, do
+not indulge in tears; do not sit alone: abstain, for a time, from music;
+abstain from the perusal of poetry, or works of imagination. They still
+more soften the feelings and open up the sources of grief. Read works of
+_fact_--endeavor to occupy yourself with the passing events of the
+world. And, when the overburdened heart cannot be comforted, or its
+thoughts diverted--for there will be moments too mournful to be
+resisted--go forth into the fields, go to the houses of the poor--see
+the goodness and mercy of God--see too, the patience and long-suffering
+of the poor, who may often set the rich an example of fortitude. Occupy
+yourself, if you can, with children; their freshness, their joyful
+unconsciousness, the elasticity of their spirits, will sustain and draw
+you from yourself, or have recourse to the soothing calmness of the
+aged. Hear them converse upon the affairs of life; how they appreciate
+the importance of each passing event, as a traveler does the ruts and
+inequalities of the road he has traversed. How their confidence in the
+effect of time sustains you! and you turn from them, reflecting on all
+that the happiest of them must necessarily have endured. Be assured of
+your own recovery, under an influence so certain.
+
+"Avoid young persons of your own age. If possible, except to a sister,
+whose deep interest in you will probably teach her a superior lesson,
+never confide in young friends, a similar trial as that to which I have
+referred. In general, your resolution will be weakened, your feelings
+re-excited, your confidence in your best advisers will be shaken. For
+the young usually take the part of the rejected lover--they delight in
+that dangerous species of sympathy which flatters with hope. They are
+naturally incredulous as to the delinquencies of a man who is agreeable,
+and in love; they incline to the notion of the hard-heartedness of
+fathers, uncles, and elder brothers; and even, if they happen to possess
+good sense, or to exercise the rare quality of prudence in such matters,
+the very communication of any sorrow, or the recital of any feelings,
+gives not only a merely temporary relief, but deadens that sorrow and
+strengthens those feelings, which grow every time they are imparted. If
+you wish to recover--and, if you have a sound and well-disposed mind,
+you _will_ wish to recover--you must, after the first burst of grief is
+over, speak but rarely of a theme too painful and delicate to bear the
+contact of rude minds--too dangerous to dwell upon with those of a
+kindlier and loftier nature.
+
+"To your female relations--to your mother, more especially, too great an
+openness cannot be practiced on these points, but openness does not
+imply a perpetual recurrence to a theme, which must wear out patience
+and exhaust all but maternal sympathy, in time. For maternal sympathy is
+exhaustless; be generous, and restrain, from that very reflection, the
+continual demand upon its flow. The first person to consult, the last to
+afflict--a mother--should not be the victim of her daughter's feelings.
+Her judgment should not be weakened by the incessant indulgence of a
+daughter's sorrows.
+
+"I would, on many grounds, caution the young against hasty engagements.
+It seems extraordinary that the welfare of a life should often be
+determined upon the acquaintance of a few weeks. The principles, it is
+true, may be ascertained from the knowledge of others, the manners may
+please, the means and expectations may all be clearly understood. But
+the temper--that word of unspeakable import--the daily habits, the power
+of constancy--these are not to be known without a long and severe
+examination of the motives, and a daily observation of the conduct, of
+others. Very little suffices to mar the happiness of married life, if
+that little proceed in the character of a man, from a rooted
+selfishness.
+
+"It is true, in regard to this defect, that much may be done by a wife
+to meliorate a vice of character which is, in some, only the result of
+never having had their feelings developed. But if there exist not this
+excuse--if, in spite of ties, which are dearer to an affectionate mind
+than existence; you find a man preferring his own comfort to that of
+those whom he professes to love--if you find him imperious to his
+servants, dictatorial to sisters, on cool terms with brothers, there is
+little hope that the mental disease will ever be rooted out, so as to
+leave a healthy character of mind. Examine well into this point; for a
+hasty temper may be remedied, and even endured--but the deep, slow,
+sullen course of a selfish nature wears away hope, imparts a cankering
+care, and, with it, often disgust. No defect is so little to be resisted
+as selfishness. It creeps into every detail; it infects the minutest
+affairs of life as well as the greatest concerns. It depresses the
+humble sufferer from its baneful effects; it irritates the passions of
+the unamiable. Study well the character in trifles; nor venture to risk
+your bark on the sea of matrimony, unless you know well how far this
+man, whom you might prefer, is free from this deadly infection. View
+him, if possible, in his home, before you pledge your faith with
+his--or, if that be not practicable, reflect upon the general course of
+his actions, of his sentiments, and endeavor dispassionately to judge
+them, as best you may."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIV.
+
+BRIDAL ETIQUETTE.
+
+
+In preparing a bridal outfit, it is best to furnish the wardrobe for at
+least two years, in under-clothes, and one year in dresses, though the
+bonnet and cloak, suitable for the coming season, are all that are
+necessary, as the fashions in these articles change so rapidly. If you
+are going to travel, have a neat dress and cloak of some plain color,
+and a close bonnet and veil. Avoid, as intensely vulgar, any display of
+your position as a _bride_, whilst traveling.
+
+Take, first, the weddings at church. In this case none are invited to
+the ceremony excepting the family, and the reception is at the house of
+the bride's mother, or nearest relative, either on the wedding-day or
+upon her return from the bridal tour.
+
+In sending out the invitations, let the card of the bridegroom and that
+of the bride be tied together with a white ribbon, and folded in the
+note paper upon which is printed the name of the bride's mother, with
+the date of the reception-day, thus:--
+
+ MRS. JOHN SAUNDERS.
+ At home, Thursday, Oct. 16th,
+ from 11 till 2.
+
+ No. 218, ---- st.
+
+of course the hours and dates vary, but the form is the same.
+
+If there is no bridal reception upon the wedding day, the cards are
+worded:--
+
+ MR. AND MRS. JAMES SMITH.
+ At home, Wednesdays,
+ On, and after, June 6th.
+
+ No. 17, ---- st.
+
+Tie the card with the bride's maiden name upon it to this one.
+
+Enclose the invitation in a white envelope, and tie it with white satin
+ribbon. If you send cake, have it put in a white box, and place the note
+outside the cover, tying it fast with white satin ribbon.
+
+The bride's dress must be of white entirely. If she is married in the
+morning, a plain white silk, white mantle, and white bonnet, full
+trimmed with orange flowers, with a plain veil, is the most suitable
+dress, and she may wear a richer one at her reception, when she returns
+from her bridal tour.
+
+As soon as the carriages come, let the bridesmaids, and relatives set
+off first.--Last, the bride with her parents. The bride, her parents,
+and the bridesmaids go immediately to the vestry, where they meet the
+bridegroom, and the groomsmen. The father of the bride gives her his arm
+and escorts her to the altar, the bridegroom walking on the other side.
+Then follow the bridesmaids and groomsmen in couples.
+
+When they reach the altar the bridegroom removes his right hand glove,
+but the bride keeps hers on until the clergyman takes the ring. The
+first bridesmaid then removes the left hand glove, and it is not
+resumed. The bridesmaids should wear white dresses, white mantles, and
+bonnets, but not veils or orange flowers.
+
+The bride and groom leave the church first, after the ceremony is over,
+and take the carriage with the parents of the bride, and the others
+follow in the order in which they came.
+
+If there is a breakfast or morning reception, the bride will not change
+her dress until she retires to put on her traveling attire. If the
+wedding takes place in the evening at church, to be followed by a full
+dress reception at home, the bride should wear a white lace dress over
+satin, or any other material to suit her own taste, a veil, falling from
+her head to her feet, fastened to the hair by a coiffure of orange
+flowers; white kid gloves, and white satin slippers. A bouquet, if
+carried, should contain only white flowers.
+
+The bridesmaids may wear white, or some thin, light-colored material
+over white, a head-dress of flowers, and carry bouquets of mixed
+flowers.
+
+When the wedding takes place at home, let the company assemble in the
+front drawing-room, and close the doors between that and the back room.
+In the back room, let the bride, bridegroom, bridesmaids, and groomsmen,
+the parents of the bride, and the clergyman, assemble. The clergyman
+should stand in the centre of the room, the bride and groom before him,
+the bridesmaids ranged beside the bride, the groomsmen beside the
+bridegroom. Then open the doors and let the ceremony begin. This
+arrangement saves that awkwardness attendant upon entering the room and
+taking the position before a large company.
+
+After the ceremony is over, the parents of the bride speak to her first;
+then her near relatives, and not until then the other members of the
+company.
+
+It is not usual now to have dancing, or even music, at a wedding, and
+the hour is named upon the cards, at which the guests are expected to
+retire.
+
+A very pretty effect is produced in the wedding group, if the bride
+wears pure white, and the bridesmaids white, with flowers and trimmings
+of a different color. Thus, one in white, with a head-dress and trimming
+of green leaves; another, white, with blue ribbons and forget-me-nots;
+another, white, with pink roses and ribbons.
+
+If the wedding is in the morning, the bride and family may wear full
+dress; in that case the shutters should be closed and the rooms lighted
+as in the evenings.
+
+Let the supper be laid early, and ready when the ceremony is over, that
+the guests may pass into the dining-room, if they wish, as soon as they
+have spoken to the bride. If a morning wedding, let the table be set as
+for an evening wedding.
+
+If the bride gives a reception at her own house, after her return from
+her bridal tour, she should not wear her wedding-dress. If in the
+evening, a supper should be set. If a morning reception, let her wear a
+handsome light silk, collar and sleeves of lace. Wine and cake are
+sufficient to hand to each guest at a morning reception. At an evening
+reception let the bride wear full dress, but not her wedding-dress.
+
+At parties given to a newly married couple, the bridesmaids and
+groomsmen are always invited, and the whole party are expected to wear
+the same dresses as at the wedding.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXV.
+
+HINTS ON HEALTH.
+
+
+The universal remark of travelers visiting America, as well as the
+universal complaint of Americans themselves, relates to the ill health
+of the fairer portion of the community. Look where you will, go to any
+city in the vast Union, the remark and complaint will be made
+everywhere. With every natural advantage of climate, yet from North to
+South, East to West the cry resounds.
+
+Foreigners, admiring the dark-eyed girls of the southern states or the
+blondes of the northern ones, will remark, with comments upon beauty:--
+
+"But she looks delicate, poor thing!--Not strong? Ah! I thought not,
+none of the American women are, and how soon these young beauties fade!"
+
+It seems to me, amongst the subjects treated of in my present work, that
+a few words on health will not come amiss.
+
+"Light and sunshine are needful for your health. Get all you can; keep
+your windows clean. Do not block them up with curtains, plants, or
+bunches of flowers;--these last poison the air, in small rooms.
+
+"Fresh air is needful for your health. As often as you can, open all
+your windows, if only for a short time in bad weather; in fine weather,
+keep them open, but never sit in draughts. When you get up, open the
+windows wide, and throw down the bed-clothes, that they may be exposed
+to fresh air some hours, daily, before they are made up. Keep your
+bed-clothes clean; hang them to the fire when you can. Avoid wearing at
+night what you wear in the day. Hang up your day-clothes at night.
+Except in the severest weather, in small, crowded sleeping-rooms, a
+little opening at the top of the window-sash is very important; or you
+will find one window pane of perforated zinc very useful. You will not
+catch cold half so easily by breathing pure air at night. Let not the
+beds be directly under the windows. Sleeping in exhausted air creates a
+desire for stimulants.
+
+"Pure water is needful for your health. Wash your bodies as well as your
+faces, rubbing them all over with a coarse cloth. If you cannot wash
+thus every morning, pray do so once a week. Crying and cross children
+are often pacified by a gentle washing of their little hands and
+faces--it soothes them. Babies' heads should be washed carefully, every
+morning with soap. No scurf should be suffered to remain upon them. Get
+rid of all slops and dirty water at once. Disease, and even death, is
+often the consequence of our own negligence. Wash your rooms and
+passages at least once a week, use plenty of clean water; but do not let
+your children stay in them while they are wet, it may bring on croup or
+inflammation of the chest. If you read your Bibles, which it is
+earnestly hoped you do, you will find how cleanliness, both as to the
+person and habitation, was taught to the Jews by God himself; and we
+read in the 4th chapter of Nehemiah that when they were building their
+second temple, and defending their lives against their foes, having no
+time for rest, they contrived to put off their clothes for washing. It
+is a good old saying, that _cleanliness is next to godliness_. See Heb.
+x. 22.
+
+"Wholesome food is needful for your health. Buy the most strengthening.
+Pieces of fresh beef and mutton go the farthest. Eat plenty of fresh
+salt with food; it prevents disease. Pray do not let your children waste
+their pennies in tarts, cakes, bull's eyes, hardbake, sour fruit, &c.,
+they are very unwholesome, and hurt the digestion. People would often,
+at twenty years of age, have a nice little sum of money to help them on
+in the world, if they had put in the savings' bank the money so wasted;
+Cocoa is cheaper and much more nourishing than _tea_. None of these
+liquids should be taken _hot_, but lukewarm; when hot they inflame the
+stomach, and produce indigestion.
+
+"We are all made to breathe the pure air of heaven, and therefore much
+illness is caused by being constantly in-doors. Let all persons make a
+point, whenever it is possible, of taking exercise in the _open air_ for
+at least an hour and a half _daily_. _Time_ would be saved in the long
+run by the increased energy and strength gained, and by the warding off
+of disease."
+
+Let it not be supposed that it is not the duty of every young lady to
+take due care of her health, and to preserve in all its power of utility
+every portion of vigor which has been bestowed on her.
+
+With many young ladies, it appears to be a maxim to do everything in
+their power to destroy the health which is so much wanted in the real
+business of life, and which forms so important a requisite to happiness.
+In the first place, as to hours--they never leave the ball-room until
+utterly exhausted, and scarcely fit to crawl to bed. The noon-day sleep,
+the scarcely touched breakfast, that most important meal, are followed
+by preparations for the succeeding night's pleasures, or in head-aching
+morning calls, driving about in a close carriage, or lounging on a sofa,
+in an over-heated room, reading novels.
+
+Dressing follows; the warm wrapper or dress is thrown aside; over the
+tightly drawn corsets is fastened a flimsy dress, with an inch of
+sleeve; the neck laid bare; thin stockings drawn on, in place of thick
+ones, and the consumption-seeker goes forth to the ball-room again.
+
+"At times, you miss from the gay assemblage some former ornament--you
+inquire about her--she has taken cold. Inflammation of the lungs, caught
+it in an accidental draught of air by one of these fair half-dressed
+beings, carried off, not long since, one of the gayest and fairest of
+the belles of the season--after an illness of three days.
+
+"Preservation of the health ought, from an early stage of existence, to
+be enforced as a duty upon the young. To walk daily; to have daily
+recourse, in summer, even twice a day, to the sponging with cold water,
+or the shower-bath;--to eat sufficiently of plain, nutritious food; to
+keep the mind calm--these are _duties_;--they should be habitually
+exercised. Care should be taken not to come out heated, with a shawl
+just pinned across the shoulders, from a heated room. Where there is
+delicacy of the lungs or windpipe, yet not sufficient to render a
+withdrawal from evening parties necessary, the use of a respirator at
+night is desirable. It is usual to have recourse to this valuable
+invention only when disease is actually existing--as a preventive, it is
+neglected. Yet, preserving the temperature of a warm room, it is an
+excellent precaution, and can easily be assumed when the shawl or cloak
+is put on. The atmosphere of a city is destructive where there is any
+pulmonary delicacy, and who shall say, where there is _not_ pulmonary
+delicacy? In this climate, there is a tendency to it, more or less, in
+almost every family,--at all events, it is too easily induced in our
+predisposed constitutions, by cold, aided by the debilitating effect of
+heated rooms and an artificial mode of existence, and accelerated also,
+most decidedly, by bared shoulders. For, in this climate, it is scarcely
+ever safe to lay bare that portion of the frame, the back and chest in
+which the lungs are seated; and, although custom may greatly lead to
+diminish the injurious effects, the sudden chill may strike, and may
+never be recovered.
+
+"During every season, certain people have 'head colds,' coughs, and
+'feverish colds.' These are produced by certain states of climate acting
+on certain states of constitution. At particular seasons such complaints
+abound--at others they abound still more; and again, from some
+singularity, they prevail so much that people say, there is an
+_Influenza_.
+
+"Influenza has been long known in the world. It has often visited
+Europe; and made its appearance on our shores with greater severity
+than at present. It has sometimes been very severe, and left many
+persons ill for a year or two.
+
+"The symptoms of influenza need not be dwelt on, as they have been so
+generally felt by our readers or their friends. It varies in different
+people, to be sure, both in kind and in degree. Considering the number
+of people it attacks, it may be looked on as an innocent disease; but,
+on the other hand, looking at the increase it has made in the number of
+deaths, it is an exceedingly serious one after all.
+
+"In simple cases--confinement to a pure and temperate air, warm drinks,
+and a warm bath, or, at least, a warm foot-bath, with an extra blanket,
+and a little more rest than usual, keeping to mild food, and toast and
+water, and taking, if necessary, a dose of aperient medicine,--is all
+that is required. In serious cases, the domestic treatment must become
+professional. Mustard plasters to the back relieve the headache. Squills
+find other medicines 'loosen' the outstanding cough. Bark and wine, and
+even cold baths are sometimes requisite for the weakness left behind.
+But these things can only be used with discrimination by a regular
+professional man.
+
+"Supposing that the seeds of disease have not been laid in childhood,
+and that there is no particular predisposition to any malady in the
+constitution, a young woman enters life with every fair prospect of
+enjoying tolerable health;--yet, how variable, and delicate, and
+complaining, do the majority of women become! What a vast expense is
+incurred, during the course of their lives, in physicians, medicine,
+change of air, baths abroad and at home, and journeys! How few women can
+walk,--or can suppress nervous feelings,--or can eat like reasonable
+beings: how many suffer, or say they suffer from debility, headaches,
+dyspepsia, a tendency to colds, eternal sore throats, rheumatic attacks,
+and the whole list of polite complaints! With all our modern wisdom,
+with all our books on health, our smatterings of physiological science,
+our open carriages, sponging baths, and attention to diet, women now are
+a far more feeble race than our grandmothers, or even our mothers, were.
+What daughter can walk half as far as her mother can? What young woman
+can take the active part that her mother did? In most families, the
+order of things is reversed. It is not a child trembling for her
+mother's health, and fearing, lest her parent, no longer young, should
+be fatigued; but it is the mother who is always striving to spare her
+child exertions which she can herself perfectly well undergo, but which
+the enfeebled child of modern self-indulgence dare not encounter.
+
+"Yes! we are a self-indulgent race, this present generation. Witness our
+easily excited feelings; witness our late hours of rising, our sofas and
+easy chairs, our useless days and dissipated nights! Witness our pallid
+faces, our forms, sometimes attenuated and repulsive while yet in early
+life, age marching, not creeping, on before his time; or witness our
+over-fed and over-expanded forms, enfeebled by indolence, and suffering
+the worst species of debility--the debility of _fat_. Witness our doing
+those things by deputy which our grandmothers did themselves; witness
+our host of scents and perfumed waters on our dressing-tables; our
+over-refinement, which amounts to an enervating puerility, and our
+incapacity of parting with one accustomed indulgence, even at the
+bidding of the learned and disinterested adviser?
+
+"'In the education of women,' writes a modern physician, 'too little
+attention is given to subdue the imaginative faculty, and to moderate
+sensibility; on the contrary, they are generally fostered; and, instead
+of a vigorous intellect and healthy condition of mind, we find
+imagination and sentiment predominant over the reasoning faculties, and
+laying the foundation of hysterical, hypochondriacal, and even maniacal
+diseases.'[B] It is, in fact, this want of judgment in the management of
+early life that produces so much misery when women are called upon to
+perform an important part in society, and when all that exertion can do
+is required at their hands.
+
+[B] "The Sick-Room," by Dr. A. T. Thomson.
+
+"The duration of sleep should not, in the adult, exceed six or eight
+hours; women injure their health greatly by excess in this respect. On
+rising, all women should use some mode of cold or tepid bath; and,
+indeed, in this respect the practice of the present day is admirable;
+there is every facility for the bath. To some, the use of the
+shower-bath is deleterious, and to all inconvenient, and not likely to
+be resorted to except when positively ordered. Dr. Combe recommends for
+_general_ use the tepid or warm bath, as being much more suitable than
+the cold bath, 'especially in the winter for those who are not robust,
+and full of animal heat.' When the constitution is not sufficiently
+vigorous to ensure reaction after the cold bath, by producing a warm
+glow over the surface, 'its use,' observes the same admirable writer,
+'inevitably does harm.' But he enforces, that 'in order to promote a due
+exhalation from the skin, the warm, the tepid, or the shower-bath, as a
+means of preserving health, ought to be in as common use as a change of
+apparel, for it is equally a measure of necessary cleanliness.' He
+inclines to the use of the tepid bath, as likely to be the most
+generally efficacious.
+
+"I have known the most beneficial effects from a modification of this
+advice, namely, from using a sponging-bath, into which you pour a jug of
+warm water, and in which you stand, whilst you sponge the body and limbs
+profusely with cold water. A strong friction should be employed after
+this process, either with horsehair gloves or with a large coarse towel,
+and few persons will find the use of the sponging-bath disagree with
+them when thus employed. It is, indeed, incredible, when we consider the
+importance of the exhalation performed by the skin, to what extent
+ablution is neglected, not only, as Dr. Combe specifies, in charitable
+institutions and seminaries for the young, but by ladies, in ordinary
+circumstances, to whom the use of the bath could be productive of no
+inconvenience. In nervous complaints, which are more or less the
+besetting evil of womankind, the bath, in its various forms, becomes an
+invaluable aid.
+
+"In the formation of those habits which are necessary for the
+preservation of health, another circumstance, which, from its importance
+to health, cannot be deemed trifling should be mentioned. It is a
+general practice that beds should be made as soon as the occupants have
+left their rooms, and before the air has been freely admitted to play
+upon the recent depositary of the human frame; but this should be
+avoided. The bed-linen and blankets should be taken off, and the windows
+opened, so that, for an hour or more, a thorough ventilation should be
+procured.
+
+"Upon another point, the inconsistency and mental blindness of women are
+almost inconceivable--the insufficiency of their dress to resist the
+attacks of our variable climate. How few women clothe themselves like
+rational beings! Although, in latter years, they have wisely adopted the
+use of warm dresses, and, more especially, of the valuable Scottish
+plaid, yet how commonly they neglect the aid of flannel in preserving
+them not only from cold, but in securing a necessary circulation of
+vitality in the skin! 'The necessary effect of deficient circulation in
+the skin,' remarks Dr. Combe, 'is to throw a disproportionate mass of
+blood inwards; and when this condition exists, insufficient clothing
+perpetuates the evil, until internal disease is generated, and health is
+irrecoverably lost.' How common is the complaint among young women,
+especially those of sedentary habits, of chilliness, cold feet, and
+other symptoms of deficient circulation! and yet how impossible would it
+often be--for women are usually obstinate on this head--to induce them
+to exchange the thin silk stocking for a warm merino one, or to
+substitute a proper walking shoe for the paper-like articles which they
+designate by that name! Hence arise many diseases, which are, by
+insensible degrees, fostered in the system by the unequal distribution
+of the blood oppressing the internal organs. The habitual tendency to
+that chilliness which has been referred to should never be disregarded,
+'laying, as it does,' says Dr. Combe, 'the foundation of tubercles in
+the lungs, and other maladies, which show themselves only when arrived
+at an incurable stage.' 'All those who value health, and have common
+sense, will therefore take warning from signs like these, and never rest
+until equilibrium of action be restored.' Warm clothing, exercise in the
+open air, sponging with tepid water and vinegar, or the warm bath, the
+use of a flesh-brush or hair-glove, are adapted to remedy these serious
+and threatening evils.
+
+"But, whilst insufficiency of clothing is to be deprecated, excessive
+wrapping up should also be avoided. Great differences exist between the
+power of generating heat and resisting cold in individuals, and it is
+therefore impossible to prescribe general rules upon the subject of
+clothing. The best maxim is, not to dress in an invariable way in all
+cases, but to put on clothing sufficient in the individual case, to
+protect the body effectively against the sensation of cold.[C]
+
+[C] Dr. Combe.
+
+"The insufficiency of warmth in the clothing of females constitutes only
+one part of its injurious effects. The tightness of dress obstructs the
+insensible perspiration hurtfully, and produces an irregular
+circulation. Every part and function of the human frame are linked
+together so closely, that we cannot act wrongly towards one organ
+without all suffering, nor act rightly without all sharing the benefit
+of our judgment and good sense.
+
+"The mischief arising from cold or wet feet is admitted by all persons
+who have given the subject of health even the most casual consideration.
+In conversing with very aged people, you will generally find a disregard
+of diet, and very different notions and practices upon the subject of
+exercise and ablution; but they all agree in the necessity of keeping
+the feet dry. I remember inquiring of a venerable clergyman, who, up to
+the age of ninety-six, had enjoyed a fair proportion of health, after a
+youth of delicacy. I asked him what system he pursued. 'Now,' was his
+reply, 'I never took much care what I ate; I have always been temperate.
+I never minded the weather; but I always took care to keep my feet dry
+and well shod.' Wet and damp are, indeed, more unwholsome when applied
+to the feet than when they affect other parts; 'because they receive a
+greater supply of blood to carry on a high degree of perspiration, and
+because their distance from the heart, or centre of circulation,
+diminishes the force with which this is carried on, and thus leaves them
+more susceptible from external causes.'[D]
+
+[D] Dr. Combe.
+
+"God, in his infinite benevolence, has given to his creatures other
+means of acquiring a healthy warmth than by clothing; he has endowed us
+with the power of exercise--that blessing which women of weak judgment
+and indolent natures are so prone to neglect and disparage. Most ladies
+appear to think that the privilege of walking is only intended for
+persons of inferior condition. They busy themselves, in their in-door
+occupations all the morning, take a hearty luncheon, and drive out in
+their carriages until dinner-time. It is partly owing to such customs
+as these that a rapid deterioration takes place in the physical state of
+our sex, in their looks, and in their power of utility, and enjoyment of
+happiness. God never intended us to be inactive.
+
+"The chief purpose of the muscles with which we are endowed, is to
+enable us to carry into effect the volitions of the mind; and, whilst
+fulfilling this grand object, the active exercise of the muscles is
+conducive to the well-being of many other important functions. The
+processes of digestion, respiration, secretion, absorption, and
+nutrition, are promoted, and the healthful condition of the whole body
+influenced. The mind also is depressed or exhilarated by the proper or
+improper use of muscular exercise; for man is intended for a life of
+activity: nor can his functions ever go on so properly as when he duly
+exercises those organs with which Nature has endowed him. The evils
+arising from want of exercise are numerous:--the circulation, from the
+absence of due stimulus, becomes languid, the appetite and digestion are
+weakened, the respiration is imperfect, and the blood becomes so
+ill-conditioned, that when distributed through the body it is inadequate
+to communicate the necessary stimulus to healthy and vigorous action.
+These points being established, it now becomes a consideration in what
+mode, or at what periods, ladies, in society, can most advantageously
+avail themselves of that privilege which is granted to so many, denied,
+comparatively, to so few.
+
+"Much is said on the benefits of walking before breakfast, and to a
+person in full vigor it may, there is no doubt, be highly salutary;
+whilst, to the delicate, it will prove more hurtful than beneficial,
+producing a sense of weariness which destroys all the future pleasures
+of the day. I am disposed to think, however, from observation, that
+walking before breakfast may be rendered beneficial almost to any one by
+degrees. Most persons walk too far the first day; they are proud of the
+effort, become, nevertheless, exhausted, and dare not repeat it. A first
+walk before breakfast should not exceed a quarter of a mile; it should
+be extended, very gradually, and, in delicate women, with great care,
+lest over-fatigue should ensue. It is, however, so valuable a habit,
+such a saving of time, so refreshing, so soothing, that many sacrifices
+of inclination should be made to procure it; in a gay season the
+freshness and seclusion of a morning's walk is peculiarly needed, and
+when it becomes so difficult to take exercise in the subsequent part of
+the day, the afternoon being too short, and the evening too much
+occupied. And the morning's walk, stolen from the hour given to a
+species of repose which seldom rests, may be, without the reproach of
+indolence, followed by the afternoon's siesta--a practice much to be
+commended, and greatly conducive to rest of nerves and invigoration of
+the frame, when used in moderation.
+
+"Exercise may be taken, by the robust, at any time, even after eating
+heartily, but the delicate ought to avoid that risk; they should resort
+to it only when the frame is vigorous enough to bear it, and this is
+usually from one to four or five hours after eating. The morning is,
+therefore, the best time; but exercise ought not to be delayed until
+some degree of exhaustion has taken place from want of food, as in that
+case it dissipates rather than renovates the remaining strength, and
+impairs digestion. Exercise immediately before meals is therefore,
+unless very gentle, injurious; if it has been violent, before eating
+rest should intervene. 'Appetite,' says Dr. Combe, 'revives after
+repose.'
+
+"Of all modes of exercise, that which nature has bestowed upon us,
+walking, is decidedly the most salutary; and the prevailing system of
+substituting horse and carriage exercise almost entirely for it, is far
+from being advantageous to the present generation. Walking, which has
+for its aim some pleasing pursuit, and, therefore, animates the mind, is
+efficacious to the majority. Gardening, which is a modification of
+walking, offers many advantages both to the delicate and the strong, and
+it is a species of exercise which we can adjust to our powers. In a
+continued walk you must go on--you must return; there is no appeal, even
+if you have gone too far, and would willingly give up any further
+exertion. But, while gardening, you are still at home--your exertions
+are devoted to objects the most interesting, because progressive; hope
+and faith form a part of your stimulus. The happy future, when flowers
+shall bloom around you, supersedes in your thoughts the vexatious
+present or the mournful past. About you are the budding treasures of
+spring, or the gorgeous productions of summer, or the rich hues of those
+beauties which autumn pours forth most lavishly before it departs,--and
+is succeeded by winter. Above you are the gay warblers, who seem to hail
+you as you mingle in the sylvan scenes which are not all theirs, but
+which you share and appropriate. The ruffled temper, the harassed mind,
+may find a solace in the occupation of gardening, which aids the effect
+of exercise and the benign influence of fresh air. Stores of future and
+never-dying interest are buried in the earth with every seed, only to
+spring up again redoubled in their value. A lady, as a writer in the
+'Quarterly Review' observes, should 'not only _have_ but know her
+plants.' And her enjoyment of those delights is truly enhanced by that
+personal care, without which few gardens, however superintended by the
+scientific gardener, can prosper, and which bless as they thrive; her
+plants bestow health on the frame which is bowed down to train
+them--they give to her the blessing of a calm and rational
+pleasure--they relieve her from the necessity of excitement--they
+promote alike, in the wealthy and the poor, these gentle exertions which
+are coupled with the most poetical and the sweetest of associations.
+
+"Exercise on horseback is not equally attainable with the two modes
+which I have just specified; when it is, the accelerated circulation,
+the change of scene and of ideas, are highly beneficial. Where the lungs
+are weak, it is thought by the learned to possess a great advantage over
+walking, as it does not hurry the breathing. The gentleness of the
+exercise enables a delicate person to enjoy the advantage of open air
+and motion for a much longer period than could be endured in the action
+of walking. From the tendency of horse exercise to equalize the
+circulation and stimulate the skin, it is invaluable, too, for the
+nervous and dyspeptic portion of young women, among whom, unhappily,
+such complaints are but too prevalent.
+
+"Dancing, which is the most frequent mode of exercise with ladies in
+great cities, practiced, as it is, in heated rooms, and exhausting from
+its violence, often does more harm than good, from producing languor and
+over-fatigue. Unhappily there are but few modes of exercise in-doors
+adapted for women. If, from any circumstances, they are confined to
+their homes, and they become feverish and languid from want of exercise,
+it never occurs to them to throw open the windows and to walk about, or
+to make use of battledore and shuttlecock, or any other mode of
+exertion. They continue sitting, reading, or walking, or lounging, or
+sleeping, or gossiping,--whilst the bloom of health is rapidly giving
+place to the wanness and debility of the imprisoned frame.
+
+"It is often the custom of young women to declare that they cannot walk,
+sometimes from indolence, no doubt, and want of habit, occasionally from
+real inability. But if we investigate the causes of this real inability,
+we shall often find it to proceed from an improper choice of time in
+taking exercise, or from a defective judgment in the manner of taking
+it. Many women exhaust and fatigue themselves with the duties of their
+house, and by a thousand trying occupations, including that which forms
+a serious item in the day's work, namely, running up and down stairs,
+and then discover that they cannot walk. Others go to extremes, and walk
+for a certain distance, whether they feel fatigued or not by such
+exertions. 'It is only,' observes Dr. Combe, 'by a diffusion of the laws
+of exercise as a part of useful education, that individuals can be
+enabled to avoid such mistakes,' To be beneficial, exercise should
+always be proportioned to the strength and to the constitution of an
+individual. When it causes extreme fatigue or exhaustion, it is
+hurtful; it ought to be resumed always after a period of rest, and
+adopted regularly, not, as too many persons are in the habit of doing,
+once in four or five days. The average walk which a young woman in good
+health and in ordinary circumstances, may take, without undue and
+injurious fatigue, is from four to five miles a-day. From this rule I
+except the _very_ young. It has been found by experience that until
+twenty-two or three the strength is not completely matured. The rate of
+mortality, as it has been proved by statistical tables, increases in all
+classes of society from fourteen until the age of twenty-three, when it
+begins to decrease.
+
+"Another precaution which I would recommend to those who have the
+regulation of families under their care, relates to the subject of
+ventilation. The heated state of our rooms in ordinary occupation is one
+great source of all those mischiefs which arise from catching cold, a
+subject on which Mr. Abernethy was wont to declare, that 'a very useful
+book might be written.' There are some houses into which one can never
+enter with impunity, from the want of due ventilation. Housemaids, more
+especially, have an insupportable objection to opening windows, on
+account of the dust which flies in and settles upon the furniture. This
+evil--for the soiling of furniture certainly may be called an evil--may
+easily be obviated by fastening a muslin blind against the open window,
+or by pinning a large piece of coarse muslin against it, so that the
+dusty particles will be excluded.
+
+"Generally our ordinary sitting-rooms are tolerably well ventilated by
+the opening and shutting of doors, the size of the fire-place, &c., but
+in our bed-rooms the vitiation of the air is far greater, owing to these
+rooms being wholly closed during the seven or eight hours in which we
+sleep in them, and, also, owing to the mass of curtains with which we
+usually take care to surround our beds. In this respect we are, indeed,
+improved, by the introduction of French bedsteads, which are among the
+most valuable of modern suggestions. But, notwithstanding this
+improvement, and many others which reflection and science have
+contributed to introduce, we incur much suffering from our ignorance and
+prejudice on the subject of ventilation. For generations, society has
+experienced the evil effects of the want of ventilation, and has felt in
+towns its results in the form of fevers, general ill-health, cutaneous
+and nervous diseases; and yet the most direful ignorance continues on
+this subject. Hospitals are among the few well-ventilated buildings
+which are erected, because an idea prevails that ventilation is
+essential for the sick, but it seems to have been forgotten that what is
+essential for the recovery of health is equally necessary for its
+preservation. 'Were,' says Dr. Combe, 'a general knowledge of the
+structure of man to constitute a regular part of a liberal education,
+such inconsistencies as this would soon disappear, and the scientific
+architect would speedily devise the best means for supplying our houses
+with pure air, as he has already supplied them with pure water.'"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVI.
+
+MISCELLANEOUS.
+
+
+There are many little pieces of rudeness, only too common, which, while
+they evince ill-breeding, and are many of them extremely annoying, yet
+they are met with every day, and in persons otherwise well-bred.
+
+As they come under no particular head, they will merely be mentioned
+here, as habits carefully to avoid.
+
+It is rude to look over the shoulder of a person who is either reading
+or writing, yet it is done every day.
+
+To stand with the arms a-kimbo, the hands on the hips, or with the arms
+crossed, while conversing, is exceedingly unlady-like.
+
+Avoid restless movements either with the hands, or feet; to sit
+perfectly quiet, without stiffness, easily, yet at the same time almost
+motionless, is one of the surest proofs of high-breeding.
+
+If you wish to make yourself agreeable to any one, talk as much as you
+please about his or her affairs, and as little as possible about your
+own.
+
+Avoid passing before persons seated in the same room with yourself. If
+you must rise to move from place to place, endeavor to pass behind the
+chairs of your companions. Above all, never pass between two persons
+who are conversing together.
+
+Avoid personal remarks; they evince a want of judgment, good taste,
+kindness, and politeness. To exchange glances or significant smiles with
+a third person, whilst engaged in a conversation with a second, is a
+proof of low-breeding. Suppressed laughter, shrugging of the shoulders,
+rolling of the eyes, and significant glances are all marks of
+ill-breeding.
+
+If you meet a gentleman at the foot of a flight of stairs, do not go up
+before him. Stop, bow, and motion to him to precede you. He will return
+your bow, and run up, leaving you to follow him.
+
+Never whisper, or make any confidential communication in company. Keep
+private remarks for private occasions.
+
+Accepting presents from gentlemen is a dangerous thing. It is better to
+avoid any such obligations, and, if you make it a rule _never_ to accept
+such presents, you will avoid hurting any one's feelings, and save
+yourself from all further perplexity.
+
+In meeting your elderly friends in the street, look at them long enough
+to give them an opportunity of recognizing you; and if they do so,
+return their salutations respectfully, not with the familiar nod you
+would give to one of your own age.
+
+Never remain seated, whilst a person older than yourself is standing
+before you, talking to you.
+
+Never lounge on a sofa, while there are those in the room, whose years
+give them a better claim to this sort of indulgence.
+
+Never tease a person to do what she has once declined.
+
+Never refuse a request or invitation in order to be urged, and accept
+afterwards. Comply at once. If the request is sincere, you will thus
+afford gratification; if not, the individual making it deserves to be
+punished for insincerity, by being taken at her word.
+
+It is not polite when asked what part of a dish you will have, to say,
+"Any part--it is quite indifferent to me;" it is hard enough to carve
+for one's friends, without choosing for them.
+
+It is not polite to entertain a visitor with your own family history, or
+the events of your own household.
+
+It is not polite for married ladies to talk, in the presence of
+gentlemen, of the difficulty they have in procuring domestics, and how
+good-for-nothing they are when procured.
+
+It is not polite to put food upon the plate of a guest without asking
+leave, or to press her to eat more than she wants.
+
+It is not polite to stare under ladies' bonnets, as if you suspected
+they had stolen the linings from you, or wore something that was not
+their own.
+
+Never affect a foolish reserve in a mixed company, keeping aloof from
+others as if in a state of mental abstraction. If your brain is so full
+and so busy that you cannot attend to the little civilities, cheerful
+chit-chat, and light amusements of society, keep out of it.
+
+Never read in company. You may open a book to look over the engravings,
+if you will, but do not attend to the letter-press until you are alone.
+
+Never jest upon serious subjects. Avoid scandal. If another person
+attempts to open a conversation upon scandalous matters, check her. Say
+gravely that it is painful for you to hear of the faults or misfortunes
+of others, where your counsel and assistance can be of no service.
+
+Many persons, whose tongues never utter a scandalous word, will, by a
+significant glance, a shrug of the shoulders, a sneer, or curl of the
+lip, really make more mischief, and suggest harder thoughts than if they
+used the severest language. This is utterly detestable. If you have your
+tongue under perfect control, you can also control your looks, and you
+are cowardly, contemptible, and wicked, when you encourage and
+countenance slander by a look or gesture.
+
+Never speak of gentlemen by their first name unless you are related to
+them. It is very unlady-like to use the surname, without the prefix, Mr.
+To hear a lady speak of Smith, Brown, Anderson, instead of Mr. Anderson
+or Mr. Smith sounds extremely vulgar, and is a mark of low breeding.
+
+Avoid eccentricity either in dress, conversation, or manner. It is a
+form of vanity, as it will attract attention, and is therefore in bad
+taste.
+
+Never act as if in a hurry. Ease of action need not imply laziness, but
+simply polite self-possession.
+
+Never laugh at your own wit. That is the part of those who hear you, and
+if you take their duty from them, they may omit to join you in your
+laugh.
+
+Do not indulge in ridicule. It is coarse and unlady-like as well as
+unfeeling. Like every other personality, it should be carefully avoided.
+
+Never handle any ornament or article of furniture in the room in which
+you are a visitor.
+
+Do not lean your head against the wall. You leave an indelible mark upon
+the paper, or, if the wall is whitewashed, you give your hair a dingy,
+dusty look, by bringing it into contact with the lime.
+
+Never lean forward upon a table. Let neither hands nor arms rest there
+heavily.
+
+To bestow flattery upon a person to his face, betrays a want of
+delicacy; yet, not less so, rudely to rebuke his errors or mention his
+faults, and not have a tender regard for his feelings. It is not
+improper, and may sometimes be very kind to mention to an individual
+what yourself and others think of his conduct or performances, when it
+is for his interest or usefulness to know it. To express to a friend
+deserved approbation is generally proper.
+
+Nothing but a quick perception of the feelings of others, and a ready
+sympathy with them, can regulate the thousand little proprieties that
+belong to visits of condolence and congratulation. There is one hint,
+however, as regards the former, which may perhaps be useful, and that
+is, not to touch upon the cause of affliction, unless the mourner leads
+the way to it; and if a painful effort is made to appear cheerful, and
+to keep aloof from the subject, do not make the slightest allusion that
+could increase this feeling.
+
+When at table to _press_ your guests to take more than they have
+inclination for, is antiquated and rude. This does not, however,
+prevent your recommending particular dishes to their attention.
+Everything like compulsion is quite exploded.
+
+It is a great mistake to suppose that the best music is the most
+difficult of execution. The very reverse, generally speaking, is the
+case. Music of a high order certainly demands high gifts and attainments
+on the part of the performer. But the gifts of nature may be possessed
+by the amateur as well as by the professor; and the attainments of art
+may be the result of moderate study and application. A young lady
+possessed of a sweet and tunable voice, a good ear, intelligence, and
+feeling, may cultivate music in its grandest and most beautiful forms,
+and may render its practice a source of the purest enjoyment, not only
+to herself but to her domestic and social circle.
+
+The various ceremonies observed in refined society are very useful in
+settling little points, on which there might otherwise be much doubt and
+perplexity; but they should never be so strenuously insisted upon as to
+make an accidental omission of them a ground of resentment, and an
+apology should always be accepted in their place.
+
+Your enjoyment of a party depends far less on what you find there, than
+on what you carry with you. The vain, the ambitious, the designing, will
+be full of anxiety when they go, and of disappointment when they return.
+A short triumph will be followed by a deep mortification, and the
+selfishness of their aims defeats itself. If you go to see, and to hear,
+and to make the best of whatever occurs, with a disposition to admire
+all that is beautiful, and to sympathize in the pleasures of others, you
+can hardly fail to spend the time pleasantly. The less you think of
+yourself and your claims to attention, the better. If you are much
+attended to, receive it modestly, and consider it as a happy accident;
+if you are little noticed, use your leisure in observing others.
+
+It were unjust and ungrateful to conceive that the amusements of life
+are altogether forbidden by its beneficent Author. They serve, on the
+contrary, important purposes in the economy of human life, and are
+destined to produce important effects both upon our happiness and
+character. They are, in the first place, in the language of the
+Psalmist, "the wells of the desert;" the kind resting-places in which
+toil may relax, in which the weary spirit may recover its tone, and
+where the desponding mind may resume its strength and its hopes. It is
+not, therefore, the use of the innocent amusements of life which is
+dangerous, but the abuse of them; it is not when they are occasionally,
+but when they are constantly pursued; and when, from being an occasional
+indulgence, it becomes an habitual desire.
+
+Women in the middle rank are brought up with the idea that if they
+engage in some occupations, they shall lose "their position in society."
+Suppose it to be so; surely it is wiser to quit a position we cannot
+honestly maintain, than to live dependent upon the bounty and caprice of
+others; better to labor with our hands, than eat the bread of idleness;
+or submit to feel that we must not give utterance to our real opinions,
+or express our honest indignation at being required to act a base or
+unworthy part. And in all cases, however situated, every female ought to
+learn how all household affairs are managed, were it only for the
+purpose of being able to direct others. There cannot be any disgrace in
+learning how to make the bread we eat, to cook our dinners, to mend our
+clothes, or even to clean the house. Better to be found busily engaged
+in removing the dust from the furniture, than to let it accumulate there
+until a visitor leaves palpable traces where his hat or his arm have
+been laid upon a table.
+
+Never put temptation in a servant's way; never be severe for trifling
+offences, such as accidentally breaking anything, but reserve your
+severity for those offences which are moral evils, such as a want of
+truth, general laxity of principle, &c. The orders given to servants
+should be clear and definite; and they should be trained as much as
+possible to perform their duties regularly, so that every morning they
+may know pretty nearly what will be expected of them during the day. It
+is a great point to live, when you are alone, as if you expected
+company; that is to say, to have everything so neat and orderly that you
+need not be ashamed of any one seeing your table. It is very little more
+trouble, and certainly no more expense; and the advantages in point of
+comfort are unspeakable.
+
+If a foolish girl, by dint of squeezing and bracing with busk and bones,
+secures the conventional beauty of a wasp waist, she is tolerably
+certain to gain an addition she by no means bargained for, a _red nose_,
+which, in numberless instances, is produced by no other cause than the
+unnatural girth, obstructing circulation, and causing stagnation of the
+blood, in that prominent and important feature. Often, in assemblages of
+the fair, we have seen noses faultless in form, but tinged with the
+abhorred hue, to which washes and cosmetics have been applied in wild
+despair; but in vain! If the lovely owners had known the cause, how
+speedily the effect would have vanished! for surely the most perverse
+admirer of a distorted spine and compressed lungs, would deem the
+acquisition of a dram-drinker's nose, too heavy a condition to be
+complied with.
+
+A well-bred woman will not demand as a right what she may have a claim
+to expect from the politeness of the other sex, nor show dissatisfaction
+and resentment if she fancies herself neglected. For want of good
+breeding some females are exorbitant in their expectations, and appear
+unthankful even when everything is done which true politeness demands.
+Young women should guard against this unamiable defect.
+
+A well-bred person will take care not to use slang words and
+expressions. There never has been a time, at least in late years, when
+there have not been some two or three cant vulgarisms in vogue among all
+the blackguards of the country. Sometimes these phrases have been caught
+up from some popular song or farce; sometimes, we believe, they have had
+their origin "where assembles the collective wisdom of the country." A
+dozen of these terse but meaningless sayings now dance before our
+recollection, for who has not heard them, even to loathing? But from
+whatever source they may have been drawn, or whatever wit there might be
+in their original position, the obtrusion of them into decent society is
+an unwarrantable piece of impertinence.
+
+A habit of inserting into familiar conversation such phrases as "You
+know," "You perceive," "You understand," "Says he," "Says she," is, so
+far as those matters extend, a sign of a want of good breeding.
+
+With regard to any specific rules for dressing, we do not pretend to
+arbitrate in such matters. Let a true sense of propriety, of the fitness
+of things, regulate all your habits of living and dressing, and it will
+produce such a beautiful harmony and consistency of character as will
+throw a charm around you that all will feel, though few may comprehend.
+Always consider well whether the articles of dress, which you wish to
+purchase, are suited to your age, your condition, your means; to the
+climate, to the particular use to which you mean to put them; and let
+the principles of good taste keep you from the extremes of the fashion,
+and regulate the form, so as to combine utility and beauty, whilst the
+known rules of harmony in colors save you from shocking the eye of the
+artist by incongruous mixtures.
+
+"Manners," says the eloquent Edmund Burke, "are of more importance than
+laws. Upon them, in a great measure, the laws depend. The law can touch
+us here and there, now and then. Manners are what vex or sooth, corrupt
+or purify, exalt or debase, barbarise or refine, by a constant, steady,
+uniform, insensible operation, like that of the air we breathe in. They
+give their whole form and colors to our lives. According to their
+quality they aid morals, they supply them, or they totally destroy
+them."
+
+
+FOUR IMPORTANT RULES.
+
+"Order is heaven's first law."
+
+1. A suitable place for everything, and everything in its place.
+
+2. A proper time for everything, and everything done in its time.
+
+3. A distinct name for everything, and everything called by its name.
+
+4. A certain use for everything, and everything put to its use.
+
+Much time would be saved; many disputes avoided; numerous articles kept
+from being lost or injured, and constant confusion and disorder
+prevented, by the strict observance of these four important rules.
+
+Dispense with ornaments altogether rather than wear mock jewelry.
+
+Depend upon it, silvery hair is better adapted to the faded cheeks of
+middle age, than are tresses of nut-brown or coal-black, or any of the
+mysterious shades produced by a dirty decoction called Hair-dye.
+
+The habitual use of very thin shoes invariably makes the feet tender,
+and a host of other inconveniences arise therefrom. If you are tempted
+to purchase tight shoes, don't, for several reasons; but one may
+suffice--you will not wear them more than twice.
+
+If you are not quite certain of the line between neatness and the
+reverse, be over-scrupulous about your under garments. The edge of a
+soiled petticoat, or the glimpse of a rent stocking is singularly
+disenchanting.
+
+Men of sense--I speak not of boys of eighteen to five and twenty,
+during their age of detestability--men who are worth the trouble of
+falling in love with, and the fuss and inconvenience, of being married
+to, and to whom one might, after some inward conflicts, and a course
+perhaps of fasting and self-humiliation, submit to fulfil those
+ill-contrived vows of obedience which are exacted at the altar, such men
+want, for their wives, companions, not dolls; and women who would suit
+such men are just as capable of loving fervently, deeply, as the
+Ringlettina, full of song and sentiment, who cannot walk, cannot rise in
+the morning, cannot tie her bonnet-strings, faints if she has to lace
+her boots, never in her life brushed out her beautiful hair, would not
+for the world prick her delicate finger with plain sewing; but who can
+work harder than a factory girl upon a lamb's-wool shepherdess, dance
+like a dervise at balls, ride like a fox-hunter, and, whilst every
+breath of air gives her cold in her father's house, and she cannot think
+how people can endure this climate, she can go out to parties in
+February and March, with an inch of sleeve and half-a-quarter of
+boddice.
+
+All circumstances well examined, there can be no doubt Providence has
+willed that man should be the head of the human race, even as woman is
+its heart; that he should be its strength, as she is its solace; that he
+should be its wisdom, as she is its grace; that he should be its mind,
+its impetus, and its courage, as she is its sentiment, its charm, and
+its consolation. Too great an amelioration could not be effected, in our
+opinion, in the system generally adopted, which, far from correcting or
+even compensating the presumed intellectual inequality of the two
+sexes, generally serves only to increase it. By placing, for example,
+dancing and needle-work at the extreme poles of female study, the one
+for its attraction and the other for its utility, and by not filling the
+immense interval with anything more valuable than mere monotonous,
+imperfect, superficial, and totally unphilosophical notions, this system
+has made of the greater number of female seminaries, establishments
+which may be compared alike to nursery-grounds for coquettes and
+sempstresses. It is never remembered that in domestic life conversation
+is of more importance than the needle or choregraphy; that a husband is
+neither a pacha nor a lazzarone, who must be perpetually intoxicated or
+unceasingly patched; that there are upon the conjugal dial many long
+hours of calm intimacy, of cool contemplation, of cold tenderness; and
+that the husband makes another home elsewhere if his own hearth offers
+him only silence; or what is a hundred times worse, merely frivolous and
+monotonous discourse. Let the woman play the gossip at a given moment,
+that is all very well; let her superintend the laundry or the kitchen at
+another, that is also very well; but these duties only comprise
+two-thirds of her mission. Ought care not to be taken that during the
+rest of her time she could also be capable of becoming to her husband a
+rational friend, a cheerful partner, an interesting companion, or, at
+least, an efficient listener, whose natural intelligence, even if
+originally inferior to his own, shall, by the help of education, have
+been raised to the same level!
+
+Pascal says: "Kind words do not cost much. They never blister the tongue
+or lips. And we have never heard of any mental trouble arising from
+this quarter. Though they do not cost much. 1. They help one's own good
+nature. Soft words soften our own soul. Angry words are fuel to the
+flame of wrath, and make it blaze more fiercely. 2. Kind words make
+other people good natured. Cold words freeze people, and hot words
+scorch them, and bitter words make them bitter, and wrathful words make
+them wrathful. There is such a rush of all other kinds of words in our
+days, that it seems desirable to give kind words a change among them.
+There are vain words, and idle words, and hasty words, and spiteful
+words, and silly words, and empty words, and profane words, and
+boisterous words, and warlike words. Kind words also produce their own
+image on men's souls. And a beautiful image it is. They smooth, and
+quiet, and comfort the hearer. They shame him out of his sour, morose,
+unkind feelings. We have not yet begun to use kind words in such
+abundance as they ought to be used."
+
+A writer in the New York Observer, speaking of the necessity of guarding
+the tongue, says:--
+
+"It is always well to avoid saying everything that is improper; but it
+is especially so before children. And here parents, as well as others,
+are often in fault. Children have as many ears as grown persons, and
+they are generally more attentive to what is said before them. What they
+hear, they are very apt to repeat; and, as they have no discretion, and
+not sufficient knowledge of the world to disguise anything, it is
+generally found that 'children and fools speak the truth.' See that
+boy's eyes glisten while you are speaking of a neighbor in a language
+you would not wish to have repeated. He does not fully understand what
+you mean, but he will remember every word; and it will be strange if he
+does not cause you to blush by the repetition.
+
+"A gentleman was in the habit of calling at a neighbor's house, and the
+lady had always expressed to him great pleasure from his calls. One day,
+just after she had remarked to him, as usual, her happiness from his
+visit, her little boy entered the room. The gentleman took him on his
+knee, and asked, 'Are you not glad to see me, George?' 'No, sir,'
+replied the boy. 'Why not, my little man?' he continued. 'Because mother
+don't want you to come,' said George. 'Indeed! how do you know that,
+George?' Here the mother became crimson, and looked daggers at her
+little son. But he saw nothing, and therefore replied, 'Because, she
+said yesterday, she wished that old bore would not call here again.'
+That was enough. The gentleman's hat was soon in requisition, and he
+left with the impression that 'great is the truth, and it will prevail.'
+
+"Another little child looked sharply in the face of a visitor, and being
+asked what she meant by it, replied, 'I wanted to see if you had a drop
+in your eye; I heard mother say you had frequently.'
+
+"A boy once asked one of his father's guests who it was that lived next
+door to him, and when he heard his name, inquired if he was not a fool.
+'No, my little friend,' replied the guest, 'he is not a fool, but a very
+sensible man. But why did you ask that question?' 'Because,' replied the
+boy, 'mother said the other day, that you were next door to a fool; and
+I wanted to know who lived next door to you.'"
+
+The best way to overcome the selfishness and rudeness you sometimes meet
+with on public occasions, is, by great politeness and disinterestedness
+on your part; overcome evil with good, and you will satisfy your own
+conscience, and, perhaps, touch theirs. Contending for your rights stirs
+up the selfish feelings in others; but a readiness to yield them awakens
+generous sentiments, and leads to mutual accommodation. The more refined
+you are, and the greater have been your advantages, the more polite and
+considerate you should be toward others, the more ready to give place to
+some poor, uneducated girl, who knows no better than to push herself
+directly in your way.
+
+Politeness is as necessary to a happy intercourse with the inhabitants
+of the kitchen, as with those of the parlor; it lessens the pains of
+service, promotes kind feelings on both sides, and checks unbecoming
+familiarity; always thank them for what they do for you, and always ask
+rather than command their services.
+
+Of late years, the wearing of jewelry, in season and out of season, both
+by matrons and unmarried females, has increased vastly. It is an
+indication that the growing wealth of the people is not accompanied by a
+corresponding refinement; but that the love of vulgar show, the low
+pride of ostentation, takes the place of a pure and elevated taste. The
+emulation with fashionable dames, now-a-days, so far from being, as with
+the Spartan women, to excel each other in household virtues, is to wear
+the largest diamonds. And, in this ambition, they forget fitness,
+beauty, taste, everything but the mere vulgar desire to shine. To be
+gracefully and elegantly attired, in short, is secondary to the desire
+to be a sort of jeweler's walking show-card. We do not oppose the use of
+diamonds and pearls altogether, as some persons might imagine from these
+remarks. A few diamonds, judiciously worn, look well, on proper
+occasions, on married women. But young girls rarely, or never, improve
+their appearance by the use of these dazzling jewels; and, as a general
+rule, the simpler the costume of a woman in her teens, the better. Women
+are usually pretty, up to the age of twenty, at least. Consequently, at
+this period of life, there are few whom an elaborate attire does not
+injure; a simple dress, or a rose-bud in the hair, is frequently all
+that is required; and more only spoils that combination of youthfulness,
+grace, and modesty, which it should be the highest ambition of the girl
+to attain; because, if she did but know it, it is her highest charm.
+Instead of this, however, we see gay females, scarcely freed from the
+nursery, wearing enormous jeweled ear-drops, or sporting on the finger,
+a diamond ring as large as a sixpence. Sometimes, too, ladies pretending
+to be well-bred, descend to receive a morning visitor of their own sex,
+glittering like a jeweler's case, with costly gems. In all this, we
+repeat, there is neither refinement nor elegance, but simply vulgar
+ostentation. Female dress has ceased to be a means of beautifying the
+person or displaying the wearer's taste, and has become instead, a mere
+brag of the husband's or father's wealth.
+
+A knowledge of domestic duties is beyond all price to a woman. Every
+one of the sex ought to know how to sew, and knit, and mend, and cook,
+and superintend a household. In every situation of life, high or low,
+this sort of knowledge is of great advantage. There is no necessity that
+the gaining of such information should interfere with intellectual
+acquirement or even elegant accomplishment. A well-regulated mind can
+find time to attend to all. When a girl is nine or ten years old, she
+should be accustomed to take some regular share in household duties, and
+to feel responsible for the manner in which her part is performed--such
+as her own mending, washing the cups and putting them in place, cleaning
+silver, or dusting and arranging the parlor. This should not be done
+occasionally, and neglected whenever she finds it convenient--she should
+consider it her department. When older than twelve, girls should begin
+to take turns in superintending the household--making puddings, pies,
+cakes, &c. To learn effectually, they should actually do these
+themselves, and not stand by and see others do them. Many a husband has
+been ruined for want of these domestic qualities in a wife--and many a
+husband has been saved from ruin by his wife being able to manage well
+the household concerns.
+
+It is a mark, not only of ill-breeding, but of positive want of feeling
+and judgment, to speak disparagingly of a physician to one of his
+patients. Many persons, visiting an invalid friend, will exclaim loudly
+against the treatment pursued, recommend a different doctor, and add to
+the sufferings of the patient by their injudicious remarks upon the
+medicines or practice used.
+
+It is too much the fashion, in conversation, to use exaggerated
+expressions which are opposed to _truth_, without the person employing
+them being aware of it, from the mere force of habit. Why need we say
+splendid for pretty, magnificent for handsome, horrid for unpleasant,
+immense for large, thousands, or myriads, for any number more than two?
+This practice is pernicious, for the effect is to deprive the person who
+is guilty of it, from being believed, when she is in earnest. No one can
+trust the testimony of an individual who, in common conversation, is
+indifferent to the import, and regardless of the value of words.
+
+Politeness is very essential to the right transaction of that great
+business of woman's life, _shopping_. The variety afforded by the shops
+of a city renders people difficult to please; and the latitude they take
+in examining and asking the price of goods, which they have no thought
+of buying, is so trying to the patience of those who attend upon them,
+that nothing but the most perfect courtesy of demeanor can reconcile
+them to it. Some persons behave, in shopping, as if no one had any
+rights, or any feelings, but the purchasers; as if the sellers of goods
+were mere automatons, put behind the counter to do their bidding; they
+keep them waiting, whilst they talk of other things, with a friend; they
+call for various goods, ask the price, and try to cheapen them, without
+any real intention of buying. A lady who wants decision of character,
+after hesitating and debating, till the poor trader's patience is almost
+exhausted, will beg him to send the article to her house, for her to
+examine it there; and, after giving him all this trouble, she will
+refuse to purchase it, without any scruple or apology. Some think they
+have a right to exchange articles at the place where they were bought;
+whereas that privilege should be asked as a favor, only by a good
+customer,--and then but rarely.
+
+
+
+
+RECEIPTS.
+
+
+FOR THE COMPLEXION.
+
+COLD CREAM, 1.--Take 2½ ounces of sweet oil of almonds, 3 drachms of
+white wax, and the same of spermaceti, 2½ ounces of rose-water, 1 drachm
+of oil of bergamot, and 15 drops each of oil of lavender, and otto of
+roses. Melt the wax and spermaceti in the oil of almonds, by placing
+them together in a jar, which should be plunged into boiling water. Heat
+a mortar (which should, if possible, be _marble_) by pouring boiling
+water into it, and letting it remain there until the mortar is uniformly
+heated; the water is to be poured away, and the mortar dried well. Pour
+the melted wax and spermaceti into the warm mortar, and add rose-water
+gradually, while the mixture is constantly stirred or whisked with an
+egg-whisp, until the whole is cold, and, when nearly finished, add the
+oils and otto of roses.
+
+In the absence of a mortar, a basin plunged into another containing
+boiling water will answer the purpose.
+
+COLD CREAM, 2.--Take 10 drachms of spermaceti, 4 drachms of white wax,
+half a pound of prepared lard, 15 grains of subcarbonate of potash, 4
+ounces of rose-water, 2 ounces of spirits of wine, and ten drops of otto
+of roses.
+
+Proceed as above. Some persons prefer orange-flower-water instead of
+rose-water, in which case use the same proportions.
+
+Cold cream is a useful local application to hard and dry parts of the
+skin, to abrasions and cracks. When spread thickly upon rag, it is an
+excellent application to blistered surfaces or burns, or may be used to
+protect exposed parts from the influence of the sun.
+
+GRANULATED COLD CREAM.--Take white wax and spermaceti, of each one
+ounce; almond oil 3 ounces, otto of rose, as much as you please.
+Dissolve the wax and spermaceti in the almond oil, by means of heat, and
+when a little cool, pour the mixture into a large wedgwood mortar
+previously warmed, and containing about a pint of warm water. Stir
+briskly until the cream is well divided, add the otto, and _suddenly_
+pour the whole into a clean vessel containing 8 or 12 pints of _cold
+water_. Separate the cream by straining through muslin, and shake out as
+much water as possible.
+
+WHITE CAMPHORATED OINTMENT, 1.--Take 3 ounces 2 drachms of powdered
+carbonate of lead (cerussa), 45 grains of powdered camphor. Mix, and
+then stir into 5 ounces of melted lard.
+
+This is applied to burns and contusions with very good effect, and is
+much used in Austria. The surface must not be abraded when it is
+applied.
+
+WHITE CAMPHORATED OINTMENT, 2.--Take 4 ounces of olive oil, 1 ounce of
+white wax, 22 grains of camphor, and 6 drachms of spermaceti. Melt the
+wax and spermaceti with the oil, and when they have cooled rub the
+ointment with the camphor, dissolved in a little oil. Sometimes the
+white wax is omitted, and lard substituted for it.
+
+It is useful in chaps, fissures, abrasions, and roughness of the skin.
+
+PITCH POMADE, 1.--Take 1 drachm of pitch, and 1 ounce of lard. Mix well,
+and apply twice a day to the affected parts.
+
+This is used for ringworm, and scald head.
+
+TO SOFTEN THE SKIN, AND IMPROVE THE COMPLEXION.--If flowers of sulphur
+be mixed in a little milk, and, after standing an hour or two, the milk
+(without disturbing the sulphur) be rubbed into the skin, it will keep
+it soft, and make the complexion clear. It is to be used before washing.
+
+TO REMOVE BLACK STAINS FROM THE SKIN.--Ladies that wear mourning in warm
+weather are much incommoded by the blackness it leaves on the arms and
+neck, and which cannot easily be removed, even by soap and warm water.
+To have a remedy always at hand, keep, in the drawer of your wash-stand,
+a box, containing a mixture in equal portions of cream of tartar, and
+oxalic acid (POISON). Get, at a druggist's, half an ounce of each of
+these articles, and have them mixed and pounded together in a mortar.
+Put some of this mixture into a cup that has a cover, and if,
+afterwards, it becomes hard, you may keep it slightly moistened with
+water. See that it is always closely covered. To use it, wet the black
+stains on your skin with the corner of a towel, dipped in water (warm
+water is best, but is not always at hand). Then, with your finger, rub
+on a little of the mixture. Then _immediately_ wash it off with water,
+and afterwards with soap and water, and the black stains will be visible
+no longer. This mixture will also remove ink, and all other stains from
+the fingers, and from _white_ clothes. It is more speedy in its effects
+if applied with warm water. No family should be without it, but care
+must be taken to keep it out of the way of young children, as, if
+swallowed, it is poisonous.
+
+
+PASTES.
+
+ALMOND.--Take 1 ounce of bitter almonds, blanch and pound them to a fine
+powder, then add 1 ounce of barley flour, and make it into a smooth
+paste by the addition of a little honey. When this paste is laid over
+the skin, particularly where there are freckles, it makes it smooth and
+soft.
+
+PALATINE.--Take 8 ounces of soft-soap, of olive oil, and spirits of
+wine, each 4 ounces, 1½ ounce of lemon-juice, sufficient silver-sand to
+form into a thick paste, and any perfume that is grateful to the person.
+Boil the oil and soap together in a pipkin, and then gradually stir in
+the sand and lemon-juice. When nearly cool add the spirit of wine, and
+lastly the perfume. Make into a paste with the hands, and place in jars
+or pots for use.
+
+This paste is used instead of soap, and is a valuable addition to the
+toilette, as it preserves the skin from chapping, and renders it smooth
+and soft.
+
+AMERICAN COSMETIC POWDER.--Calcined magnesia applied the same as
+ordinary toilette powders, by means of a swan's-down ball, usually
+called a "puff."
+
+MALOINE.--Take 4 ounces of powdered marsh-mallow roots, 2 ounces of
+powdered white starch, 3 drachms of powdered orris-root, and 20 drops of
+essence of jasmine. Mix well, and sift through fine muslin.
+
+This is one of the most agreeable and elegant cosmetics yet known for
+softening and whitening the skin, preserving it from chapping, and being
+so simple that it may be applied to the most delicate or irritable skin.
+
+This receipt has never before been published, and we know that only six
+bottles of it have been made.
+
+OXIDE OF ZINC is sprinkled into chaps and fissures to promote their
+cure.
+
+YAOULTA.--Take 1 ounce of white starch, powdered and sifted, ½ a drachm
+of rose pink, 10 drops of essence of jasmine, and 2 drops of otto of
+roses. Mix and keep in a fine muslin bag.
+
+This exquisite powder is to be dusted over the face, and, being
+perfectly harmless, may be used as often as necessity requires. It also
+imparts a delicate rosy tinge to the skin preferable to rouge.
+
+CRÈME DE L'ENCLOS.--Take 4 ounces of milk, 1 ounce of lemon-juice, and 2
+drachms of spirit of wine. Simmer over a slow fire, and then bring it to
+the boil, skim off the scum, and when cold apply it to the skin.
+
+It is much used by some persons to remove freckles and sun-burnings.
+
+
+WASHES AND LOTIONS.
+
+MILK OF ROSES, 1.--Take 2 ounces of blanched almonds; 12 ounces of
+rose-water; white soft-soap, or Windsor soap; white wax; and oil of
+almonds, of each 2 drachms; rectified spirit, 3 ounces; oil of bergamot,
+1 drachm; oil of lavender, 15 drops; otto of roses, 8 drops. Beat the
+almonds well, and then add the rose-water gradually so as to form an
+emulsion, mix the soap, white wax, and oil together, by placing them in
+a covered jar upon the edge of the fire-place, then rub this mixture in
+a mortar with the emulsion. Strain the whole through very fine muslin,
+and add the essential oils, previously mixed with the spirit.
+
+This is an excellent wash for "sunburns," freckles, or for cooling the
+face and neck, or any part of the skin to which it is applied.
+
+MILK OF ROSES, 2.--This is not quite so expensive a receipt as the last;
+and, at the same time is not so good.
+
+Take 1 ounce of Jordan almonds; 5 ounces of distilled rose-water; 1
+ounce of spirit of wine; ½ a drachm of Venetian soap, and 2 drops of
+otto of roses. Beat the almonds (previously blanched and well dried with
+a cloth) in a mortar, until they become a complete paste, then beat the
+soap and mix with the almonds, and afterwards add the rose-water and
+spirit. Strain through a very fine muslin or linen, and add the otto of
+roses.
+
+The common milk of roses sold in the shops, frequently contains salt of
+tartar, or pearlash, combined with olive oil and rose-water, and
+therefore it is better to make it yourself to ensure it being good.
+
+FRENCH MILK OF ROSES.--Mix 2½ pints of rose-water with ½ a pint of
+rosemary-water, then add tincture of storax and tincture of benzoin, of
+each 2 ounces; and _esprit de rose_, ½ an ounce. This is a useful wash
+for freckles.
+
+GERMAN MILK OF ROSES.--Take of rose-water and milk of almonds, each 3
+ounces; water 8 ounces; rosemary-water 2 ounces; and spirit of lavender
+½ an ounce. Mix well, and then add ½ an ounce of sugar of lead.
+
+This is a dangerous form to leave about where there are children, and
+should never be applied when there are any abrasions, or chaps on the
+surface.
+
+MILK OF ALMONDS.--Blanch 4 ounces of Jordan almonds, dry them with a
+towel, and then pound them in a mortar; add 2 drachms of white or curd
+soap, and rub it up with the almonds for about ten minutes or rather
+more, gradually adding one quart of rose-water, until the whole is well
+mixed, then strain through a fine piece of muslin, and bottle for use.
+
+This is an excellent remedy for freckles and sunburns, and may be used
+as a general cosmetic, being applied to the skin after washing by means
+of the corner of a soft towel.
+
+ANTI-FRECKLE LOTION, 1.--Take tincture of benzoin, 2 ounces; tincture of
+tolu, 1 ounce; oil of rosemary, ½ a drachm. Mix well and bottle. When
+required to be used, add a teaspoonful of the mixture to about a
+wine-glassful of water, and apply the lotion to the face or hands, &c.,
+night and morning, carefully rubbing it in with a soft towel.
+
+ANTI-FRECKLE LOTION, 2.--Take 1 ounce of rectified spirit of wine; 1
+drachm of hydrochloric acid (spirit of salt); and 7 ounces of water. Mix
+the acid gradually with the water, and then add the spirit of wine;
+apply by means of a camel's-hair brush, or a piece of flannel.
+
+GOWLAND'S LOTION.--Take 1½ grains of bichloride of mercury, and 1 ounce
+of emulsion of bitter almonds; mix well. Be careful of the bichloride of
+mercury, because it is a poison.
+
+This is one of the best cosmetics for imparting a delicate appearance
+and softness to the skin, and is a useful lotion in acne, ringworm, hard
+and dry skin, and sun-blisterings.
+
+COLD CREAM.--Sweet almond oil, 7 lbs. by weight, white wax, ¾ lb.,
+spermaceti, ¾ lb., clarified mutton suet, 1 lb., rose-water, 7 pints,
+spirits of wine, 1 pint. Directions to mix the above:--Place the oil,
+wax, spermaceti, and suet in a large jar; cover it over tightly, then
+place it in a saucepan of boiling water, (having previously placed two
+or more pieces of fire-wood at the bottom of the saucepan, to allow the
+water to get underneath the jar, and to prevent its breaking) keep the
+water boiling round the jar till all the ingredients are dissolved; take
+it out of the water, and pour it into a large pan previously warmed and
+capable of holding 21 pints; then, with a wooden spatula, stir in the
+rose-water, cold, as quickly as possible, (dividing it into three or
+four parts, at most,) the stirring in of which should not occupy above
+five minutes, as after a certain heat the water will not mix. When all
+the water is in, stir unremittingly for thirty minutes longer, to
+prevent its separating, then add the spirits of wine, and the scent, and
+it is finished. Keep it in a cold place, in a white glazed jar, and do
+not cut it with a _steel_ knife, as it causes blackness at the parts of
+contact. Scent with otto of roses and essential oil of bergamot to
+fancy. For smaller quantities, make ounces instead of pounds.
+
+PALM SOAP.--I make it in the following manner:--Cut thin two pounds of
+yellow soap into a double saucepan, occasionally stirring it till it is
+melted, which will be in a few minutes if the water is kept boiling
+around it; then add quarter of a pound of palm oil, quarter of a pound
+of honey, three pennyworth of true oil of cinnamon; let all boil
+together another six or eight minutes; pour out and stand it by till
+next day; it is then fit for immediate use. If made as these directions
+it will be found to be a very superior soap.
+
+CURE FOR CHAPPED HANDS.--Take 3 drachms of gum camphor, 3 drachms of
+white beeswax, 3 drachms of spermaceti, 2 ounces of olive oil,--put them
+together in a cup upon the stove, where they will melt slowly and form a
+white ointment in a few minutes. If the hands be affected, anoint them
+on going to bed, and put on a pair of gloves. A day or two will suffice
+to heal them.
+
+TO WHITEN THE NAILS.--Diluted sulphuric acid, 2 drachms; tincture of
+myrrh, 1 drachm; spring water, 4 ounces. Mix. First cleanse with white
+soap, and then dip the fingers into the mixture.
+
+TO WHITEN THE HANDS.--Take a wine-glassful of eau de Cologne, and
+another of lemon-juice; then scrape two cakes of brown Windsor soap to a
+powder, and mix well in a mould. When hard, it will be an excellent soap
+for whitening the hands.
+
+
+FOR THE TEETH.
+
+TO REMOVE TARTAR FROM THE TEETH.--1st. The use of the tooth-brush night
+and morning, and, at least, rinsing the mouth after every meal at which
+animal food is taken. 2nd. Once daily run the brush lightly two or three
+times over soap, then dip it in salt, and with it clean the teeth,
+working the brush up and down rather than--or as well as--backwards and
+forwards. This is a cheap, safe, and effectual dentrifice. 3rd. Eat
+freely of common cress, the sort used with mustard, under the name of
+small salad; it must be eaten with salt only. If thus used two or three
+days in succession it will effectually loosen tartar, even of long
+standing. The same effect is produced, though perhaps not in an equal
+degree, by eating strawberries and raspberries, especially the former. A
+leaf of common green sage rubbed on the teeth is useful both in
+cleansing and polishing, and probably many other common vegetable
+productions also.
+
+CARE OF THE TEETH.--The water with which the teeth are cleansed should
+be what is called lukewarm. They should be well but gently brushed both
+night and morning; the brush should be neither too hard nor too soft.
+The best tooth-powders are made from cuttle-fish, prepared chalk, and
+orris-root commingled together in equal quantities.
+
+SIMPLE MEANS OF REMOVING TARTAR FROM THE TEETH.--In these summer months,
+tartar may be effectually removed from the teeth, by partaking daily of
+strawberries.
+
+TOOTH POWDER.--Powdered orris-root, ½ an ounce; powdered charcoal, 2
+ounces, powdered Peruvian bark, 1 ounce; prepared chalk, ½ an ounce; oil
+of bergamot, or lavender, 20 drops. These ingredients must be well
+worked up in a mortar, until thoroughly incorporated. This celebrated
+tooth-powder possesses three essential virtues, giving an odorous
+breath, cleansing and purifying the gums, and preserving the enamel; the
+last rarely found in popular tooth-powders.
+
+TOOTH-POWDER.--One of the best tooth-powders that can be used may be
+made by mixing together 1½ ounces prepared chalk, ½ ounce powder of
+bark, and ¼ ounce of camphor.
+
+A CHEAP BUT GOOD TOOTH-POWDER.--Cut a slice of bread as thick as may be,
+into squares, and burn in the fire until it becomes charcoal, after
+which pound in a mortar, and sift through a fine muslin; it is then
+ready for use.
+
+CHEAP AND INVALUABLE DENTIFRICE.--Dissolve 2 ounces of borax in three
+pints of water; before quite cold, add thereto one tea-spoonful of
+tincture of myrh, and one table-spoonful of spirits of camphor; bottle
+the mixture for use. One wine-glass of the solution, added to half a
+pint of tepid water, is sufficient for each application. This solution,
+applied daily, preserves and beautifies the teeth, extirpates all
+tartarous adhesion, produces a pearl-like whiteness, arrests decay, and
+induces a healthy action in the gums.
+
+INVALUABLE DENTIFRICE.--Dissolve two ounces of borax in three pints of
+boiling water; before quite cold, add one tea-spoonful of tincture of
+myrrh, and one table-spoonful of spirits of camphor; bottle the mixture
+for use. One wine-glassful of this solution, added to half a pint of
+tepid water, is sufficient for each application.
+
+
+FOR THE HAIR.
+
+LOSS OF HAIR.--The most simple remedy for loss of hair, is friction to
+the scalp of the head, using for the purpose an old tooth-brush, or one
+of which the bristles have been softened by soaking in boiling water.
+The shape of the instrument adapts it to be inserted readily and
+effectually between the hair, where it should be rubbed backwards and
+forwards over the space of an inch or so at a time. In addition to the
+friction, which should be used once or twice a day, the head may be
+showered once a day with cold water, carefully drying it with soft,
+spongy towels.
+
+POMATUM.--Take of white mutton suet 4 pounds, well boiled in hot water,
+(3 quarts,) and washed to free it from salt. Melt the suet, when dried,
+with 1½ pounds of fresh lard, and 2 pounds of yellow wax. Pour into an
+earthen vessel, and stir till it is cold; then beat into it 30 drops of
+oil of cloves, or any other essential oil whose scent you prefer. If
+this kind of pomatum is too hard, use less wax.
+
+At times numbers of loose hairs come away in the brushing or combing.
+Such cases as these will generally be found remedial. Wilson recommends
+women with short hair to dip their heads into cold water every morning,
+and afterwards apply the brush until a glow of warmth is felt all over
+the scalp. Those who have long hair are to brush it till the skin
+beneath becomes red, when a lotion is to be applied, as here specified.
+
+ Eau de Cologne 2 oz.
+ Tincture of Cantharides ½ oz.
+ Oil of Nutmegs ½ drachm.
+ Oil of Lavender 10 drops.
+
+To be well mixed together.
+
+Another is composed of:--
+
+ Mezereon bark in small pieces 1 oz.
+ Horse-Radish root in small pieces 1 oz.
+ Boiling distilled Vinegar ½ pint.
+
+Let this infusion stand for a week, and then strain through muslin for
+use.
+
+If irritating to the skin, these lotions can be made weaker, or less
+frequently applied than might otherwise be necessary. Either of them, or
+distilled vinegar alone, may be rubbed into a bald patch with a
+tooth-brush. The same lotions may also be used if the hair is disposed
+to become gray too early; as they invigorate the apparatus situated
+beneath the skin, and enable it to take up coloring matter. Dyeing of
+the hair is a practice which ought never to be resorted to. Those who
+are unwilling or unable to discontinue the practice of applying some
+kind of dressing to the hair, should, at least, content themselves with
+a simple, yet good material. The best olive oil is most suitable for the
+purpose, scented with otto of roses or bergamot; the latter, as many
+persons know, is the essence of a species of mint. The same scents may
+also be used for pomatum, which should be made of perfectly pure lard,
+or marrow.
+
+HAIR OILS, &c.--When used moderately, oils, ointments, &c., tend to
+strengthen the hair, especially when it is naturally dry. When used in
+excess, however, they clog the pores, prevent the escape of the natural
+secretions, and cause the hair to wither and fall off. The varieties of
+"oils," "Greases," "ointments," rivaling each-other in their high
+sounding pretensions, which are daily imposed upon public credulity, are
+interminable. We add one or two of the most simple.
+
+FOR THICKENING THE HAIR.--To one ounce of Palma Christi oil, add a
+sufficient quantity of bergamot or lavender to scent it. Apply it to the
+parts where it is most needed, brushing it well into the hair.
+
+AN OINTMENT FOR THE HAIR.--Mix two ounces of bear's grease, half an
+ounce of honey, one drachm of laudanum, three drachms of the powder of
+southernwood, three drachms of the balsam of Peru, one and a half
+drachms of the ashes of the roots of bulrushes, and a small quantity of
+the oil of sweet almonds.
+
+MACASSAR OIL.--It is said to be compounded of the following
+ingredients:--To three quarts of common oil, add half-a-pint of spirits
+of wine, three ounces of cinnamon powder, and two ounces of bergamot;
+heat the whole in a large pipkin. On removing from the fire, add three
+or four small pieces of alkanet root, and keep the vessel closely
+covered for several hours. When cool, it may be filtered through a
+funnel lined with filtering paper.
+
+Whether oils are used or not, the hair ought night and morning to be
+carefully and elaborately brushed. This is one of the best preservatives
+of its beauty.
+
+The following is recommended as an excellent Hair Oil:--Boil together
+half-a-pint of port wine, one pint and a-half of sweet oil, and
+half-a-pound of green southernwood. Strain the mixture through a linen
+rag several times; adding, at the last operation, two ounces of bear's
+grease. If fresh southernwood is added each time it passes through the
+linen, the composition will be improved.
+
+POMADE VICTORIA.--This highly-praised and excellent pomade is made in
+the following way--and if so made, will be found to give a beautiful
+gloss and softness to the hair:--Quarter of a-pound of honey and
+half-an-ounce of bees' wax simmered together for a few minutes and then
+strain. Add of oil of almonds, lavender, and thyme, half-a-drachm each.
+Be sure to continue stirring till quite cold, or the honey and wax will
+separate.
+
+LEMON POMATUM.--Best lard, two pounds; suet, half-a-pound; dissolve with
+a gentle heat, and mix them well together. Then add four ounces of
+orange-flower water, and four ounces of rose-water, and mix them well
+together before adding, or they will separate. Having done this, add a
+quarter of an ounce of essence of lemon; half-a-drachm of musk, and
+half-a-drachm of oil of thyme.
+
+TO COLOR POMATUM.--Yellow, by palm oil or annatto; red, by alkanet root;
+and green, by guaiacum, or the green leaves of parsley.
+
+BANDOLINE FOR THE HAIR, (A FRENCH RECEIPT).--To one quart of water put ½
+ounce of quince pips, boil it nearly an hour, stirring it well, strain
+it through a fine muslin, let it stand twenty-four hours, and then add
+fourteen drops of the essential oil of almonds. A dessert-spoonful of
+brandy may be added, if required to keep a long time.
+
+BANDOLINE FOR THE HAIR.--Take of castor oil, two ounces; spermaceti,
+one drachm; oil of bergamot, one drachm; mix with heat and strain; then
+beat in six drops otto of roses. If wished colored, add half-a-drachm of
+annatto.
+
+ANOTHER.--I furnish you with an excellent form of Bandoline, much more
+quickly made than others. Have a small packet of powdered gum dragon by
+you, and when you require any fresh bandoline, take a tea-spoonful of
+the powder, and pour enough of boiling water on it to make a small
+bottle full. Scent with otto of roses.
+
+CURLING FLUID.--Place two pounds of common soap, cut small, into three
+pints of spirits of wine, with eight ounces of potash, and melt the
+whole, stirring it with a clean piece of wood. Add, on cooling, essence
+of amber, vanilla, and neroli, of each quarter of an ounce. The best
+method of keeping _ringlets_ in curl, is the occasional application of
+the yolk of an egg, and the hair, afterwards, well washed in lukewarm
+water. Apply the egg with a tooth or hair-brush.
+
+
+FOR THE LIPS.
+
+VERY EXCELLENT LIP-SALVE.--Take four ounces of butter, fresh from the
+churn, cut it small, put it into a jar, cover it with good rose-water,
+and let it remain for four or five days; then drain it well, and put it
+into a small and very clean saucepan, with one ounce of spermaceti, and
+one of yellow beeswax sliced thin, a quarter of an ounce of bruised
+alkanet root, two drachms of gum benzoin, and one of storax, beaten to
+powder, half an ounce of loaf sugar, and the strained juice of a
+moderate sized lemon. Simmer these gently, keeping them stirred all the
+time, until the mixture looks very clear, and sends forth a fine
+aromatic odour; then strain it through a thin doubled muslin, and stir
+to it from twelve to twenty drops of essential oil of roses, and pour it
+into small gallipots, from which it can easily be turned out when cold,
+and then be rubbed against the lips, which is the most pleasant way of
+using it, as it is much firmer than common lip-salve, and will be found
+more healing and infinitely more agreeable. When butter cannot be had
+direct from the churn, any which is quite fresh may be substituted for
+it, after the salt has been well washed and soaked out of it, by working
+it with a strong spoon in cold water, in which it should remain for a
+couple of days or more, the water being frequently changed during the
+time.
+
+ROSE LIP-SALVE.--8 ounces sweet almond oil, 4 ounces prepared mutton
+suet, 1½ ounces white wax, 2 ounces spermaceti, 20 drops otto; steep a
+small quantity of alkanet root in the oil, and strain before using. Melt
+the suet, wax, and spermaceti together, then add the coloric oil and
+otto.
+
+LIP-SALVES.--A good lip-salve may be made as follows:--Take an ounce of
+the oil of sweet almonds, cold drawn; a drachm of fresh mutton suet; and
+a little bruised alkanet root: and simmer the whole together in an
+earthen pipkin. Instead of the oil of sweet almonds you may use oil of
+Jasmin, or oil of any other flower, if you intend the lip-salve to have
+a fragrant odour.--2. Take a pound of fresh butter; a quarter of a pound
+of beeswax; four or five ounces of cleansed black grapes, and about an
+ounce of bruised alkanet root. Simmer them together over a slow fire
+till the wax is wholly dissolved, and the mixture becomes of a bright
+red color; strain, and put it by for use. 3. Oil of almonds, spermaceti,
+white wax, and white sugar-candy, equal parts, form a good white
+lip-salve.
+
+SUPERIOR LIP-SALVE.--White wax, two and a half ounces; spermaceti, three
+quarters of an ounce; oil of almonds, four ounces. Mix well together,
+and apply a little to the lips at night.
+
+ANOTHER.--A desert spoonful of salad oil in a saucer, hold it over a
+candle, and drop melted wax over it till the oil is thinly covered, when
+they are incorporated, pour it into boxes.--(Wax taper will do.)
+
+
+FOR CORNS.
+
+CURE FOR CORNS.--Place the feet for half an hour, two or three nights
+successively, in a pretty strong solution of common soda. The alkali
+dissolves the indurated cuticle, and the corn falls out spontaneously,
+leaving a small excavation, which soon fills up.
+
+TO REMOVE CORNS.--Get four ounces of white diachylon plaster, four
+ounces of shoemaker's wax, and sixty drops of muriatic acid or spirits
+of salt. Boil them for a few minutes in an earthen pipkin, and when
+cold, roll the mass between the hands and apply a little on a piece of
+white leather.
+
+A CERTAIN CURE FOR SOFT CORNS.--Dip a piece of soft linen rag in
+turpentine, and wrap it round the toe on which the soft corn is, night
+and morning; in a few days the corn will disappear; but the relief is
+instantaneous.
+
+
+PERFUMES.
+
+TO MAKE EAU DE COLOGNE.--Rectified spirits of wine, four pints; oil of
+bergamot, one ounce; oil of lemon, half an ounce; oil of rosemary, half
+a drachm; oil of Neroli, three quarters of a drachm; oil of English
+lavender, one drachm; oil of oranges, one drachm. Mix well and then
+filter. If these proportions are too large, smaller ones may be used.
+
+EAU DE COLOGNE.--Oil of neroli, citron, bergamot, orange, and rosemary,
+of each twelve drops; cardamom seeds, one drachm; spirits of wine, one
+pint. Let it stand for a week.
+
+LAVENDER WATER.--Oil of lavender, 2 drachms; oil of bergamot, ½ drachm;
+essence of musk, 1 drachm; spirits of wine, 13 ounces; water, 5 ounces.
+Let it stand for a week.
+
+
+FOR KEEPING THE WARDROBE IN ORDER.
+
+TO CLEAN KID GLOVES.--Make a strong lather with curd soap and warm
+water, in which steep a small piece of new flannel. Place the glove on a
+flat, clean, and unyielding surface--such as the bottom of a dish, and
+having thoroughly soaped the flannel (when squeezed from the lather),
+rub the kid till all dirt be removed, cleaning and resoaping the flannel
+from time to time. Care must be taken to omit no part of the glove, by
+turning the fingers, &c. The gloves must be dried in the sun, or before
+a moderate fire, and will present the appearance of old parchment. When
+quite dry, they must be gradually "pulled out," and will look new.
+
+ANOTHER.--First see that your hands are clean, then put on the gloves
+and wash them, as though you were washing your hands, in a basin of
+spirits of turpentine, until quite clean; then hang them up in a warm
+place, or where there is a good current of air, which will carry off all
+smell of the turpentine. This method was brought from Paris, and
+thousands of dollars have been made by it.
+
+TO CLEAN COLORED KID GLOVES.--Have ready on a table a clean towel,
+folded three or four times, a saucer of new milk, and another saucer
+with a piece of brown soap. Take one glove at a time, and spread it
+smoothly on the folded towel. Then dip in the milk a piece of clean
+flannel, rub it on the soap till you get off a tolerable quantity, and
+then, with the wet flannel, commence rubbing the glove. Begin at the
+wrist, and rub lengthways towards the end of the fingers, holding the
+glove firmly in your right-hand. Continue this process until the glove
+is well cleaned all over with the milk and soap. When done, spread them
+out, and pin them on a line to dry gradually. When nearly dry, pull them
+out evenly, the crossway of the leather. When quite dry, stretch them on
+your hands. White kid gloves may also be washed in this manner, provided
+they have never been cleaned with India-rubber.
+
+TO CLEAN WHITE OR COLORED KID GLOVES.--Put the glove on your hand, then
+take a small piece of flannel, dip it in camphene, and well, but gently,
+rub it over the glove, _taking care not to make it too wet_, when the
+dirt is removed, dip the flannel (or another piece if that is become too
+dirty) into pipe-clay and rub it over the glove; take it off, and hang
+it up in a room to dry, and in a day or two very little smell will
+remain; and if done carefully they will be almost as good as new. In
+colored ones, if yellow, use gamboge after the pipe-clay, and for other
+colors match it in dry paint.
+
+TO CLEAN WHITE KID GLOVES.--Stretch the gloves on a clean board, and rub
+all the soiled or grease-spots with cream of tartar or magnesia. Let
+them rest an hour. Then have ready a mixture of alum and Fuller's earth
+(both powdered), and rub it all over the gloves with a brush (a clean
+tooth-brush or something similar), and let them rest for an hour or two.
+Then sweep it all off, and go over them with a flannel dipped in a
+mixture of bran and finely powdered whiting. Let them rest another hour;
+then brush off the powder, and you will find them clean.
+
+TO CLEAN LIGHT KID GLOVES.--Put on one glove, and having made a strong
+lather with common brown soap, apply it with a shaving brush, wiping it
+off immediately with a clean towel, then blow into the glove, and leave
+it to dry.
+
+AN EXCELLENT PASTE FOR GLOVES.--Liquor of ammonia half an ounce,
+chloride of potash ten ounces, curd soap one pound, water half a pint;
+dissolve the soap in the water, with a gentle heat, then as the mixture
+cools, stir in the other ingredients. Use it, by rubbing it over the
+gloves until the dirt is removed.
+
+TO WASH THREAD LACE.--Rip off the lace, carefully pick out the loose
+bits of thread, and roll the lace very smoothly and securely round a
+clean black bottle, previously covered with old white linen, sewed
+tightly on. Tack each end of the lace with a needle and thread, to keep
+it smooth; and be careful in wrapping not to crumple or fold in any of
+the scallops or pearlings. After it is on the bottle, take some of the
+_best_ sweet oil and with a clean sponge wet the lace thoroughly to the
+inmost folds. Have ready in a wash-kettle, a strong _cold_ lather of
+clear water and white Castile soap. Fill the bottle with cold water, to
+prevent its bursting, cork it well, and stand it upright in the suds,
+with a string round the neck secured to the ears or handle of the
+kettle, to prevent its knocking about and breaking while over the fire.
+Let it boil in the suds for an hour or more, till the lace is clean and
+white all through. Drain off the suds, and dry it on the bottle in the
+sun. When dry, remove the lace from the bottle and roll it round a wide
+ribbon-block; or lay it in long folds, place it within a sheet of
+smooth, white, paper, and press it in a large book for a few days.
+
+TO WASH A WHITE LACE VEIL.--Put the veil into a strong lather of white
+soap and very clear water, and let it simmer slowly for a quarter of an
+hour. Take it out and squeeze it well, but be sure not to rub it. Rinse
+it in two cold waters, with a drop or two of liquid blue in the last.
+Have ready some very clear and weak gum-arabic water, or some thin
+starch, or rice-water. Pass the veil through it, and clear it by
+clapping. Then stretch it out even, and pin it to dry on a linen cloth,
+making the edge as straight as possible, opening out all the scallops,
+and fastening each with pins. When dry, lay a piece of thin muslin
+smoothly over it, and iron it on the wrong side.
+
+TO WASH A BLACK LACE VEIL.--Mix bullock's gall with sufficient hot water
+to make it as warm as you can bear your hand in. Then pass the veil
+through it. It must be squeezed, and not rubbed. It will be well to
+perfume the gall with a little musk. Next rinse the veil through two
+cold waters, tinging the last with indigo. Then dry it. Have ready in a
+pan some stiffening made by pouring boiling water on a very small piece
+of glue. Pat the veil into it, squeeze it out, stretch it, and clap it.
+Afterwards pin it out to dry on a linen cloth, making it very straight
+and even, and taking care to open and pin the edge very nicely. When
+dry, iron it on the wrong side, having laid a linen cloth over the
+ironing-blanket. Any article of black lace may be washed in this manner.
+
+TO CLEAN WHITE SATIN AND FLOWERED SILKS.--1. Mix sifted stale bread
+crumbs with powder blue, and rub it thoroughly all over, then shake it
+well, and dust it with clean, soft cloths. Afterwards, where there are
+any gold or silver flowers, take a piece of crimson ingrain velvet, rub
+the flowers with it, which will restore them to their original lustre.
+2. Pass them through a solution of fine hard soap, at a hand heat,
+drawing them through the hand. Rinse in lukewarm water, dry and finish
+by pinning out. Brush the flossy or bright side with a clean
+clothes-brush, the way of the nap. Finish them by dipping a sponge into
+a size, made by boiling isinglass in water, and rub the wrong side.
+Rinse out a second time, and brush, and dry near a fire, or in a warm
+room. Silks may be treated in the same way, but not brushed.
+
+TO CLEAN WHITE SILK.--Dissolve some of the best curd soap in boiling
+water, and when the solution is as hot as the hand can bear, pass the
+silk through it thoroughly, handling it gently, not to injure the
+texture. If there are any spots, these may be rubbed carefully until
+they disappear. The article must then be rinsed in lukewarm water.
+
+TO IRON SILK.--Silk cannot be ironed smoothly, so as to press out all
+the creases, without first sprinkling it with water, and rolling it up
+tightly in a towel, letting it rest for an hour or two. If the iron is
+in the least too hot, it will injure the color, and it should first be
+tried on an old piece of the same silk.
+
+TO WASH SILK.--Half a pint of gin, four ounces of soft soap, and two
+ounces of honey, well shaken; then rub the silk, with a sponge (wetted
+with the above mixture), upon a table, and wash through two waters, in
+which first put two or three spoonfuls of ox gall, which will brighten
+the colors, and prevent their running. The silks should not be wrung,
+but well shaken and hung up smoothly to dry, and mangled while damp. The
+writer has had _green_ silk dresses washed by this receipt, and they
+have looked as well as new.
+
+TO RENOVATE BLACK SILK.--Slice some uncooked potatoes, pour boiling
+water on them; when cold sponge the right side of the silk with it, and
+iron on the wrong.
+
+TO KEEP SILK.--Silk articles should not be kept folded in white paper,
+as the chloride of lime used in bleaching the paper will probably impair
+the color of the silk. Brown or blue paper is better--the yellowish
+smooth India paper is best of all. Silk intended for a dress should not
+be kept in the house long before it is made up, as lying in the folds
+will have a tendency to impair its durability by causing it to cut or
+split, particularly if the silk has been thickened by gum. We knew an
+instance of a very elegant and costly thread-lace veil being found, on
+its arrival from France, cut into squares (and therefore destroyed) by
+being folded over a pasteboard card. A white satin dress should be
+pinned up in blue paper, with coarse brown paper outside, sewed together
+at the edges.
+
+TO RESTORE VELVET.--When velvet gets plushed from pressure, holding the
+reverse side over a basin of boiling water will raise the pile, and
+perhaps it may also succeed in the case of wet from rain.
+
+TO IRON VELVET.--Having ripped the velvet apart, damp each piece
+separately, and holding it tightly in both hands, stretch it before the
+fire, the wrong side of the velvet being towards the fire. This will
+remove the creases, and give the surface of the material a fresh and new
+appearance. Velvet cannot be ironed on a table, for, when spread out on
+a hard substance, the iron will not go smoothly over the pile.
+
+TO CLEAN ERMINE AND MINIVAR FUR.--Take a piece of soft flannel, and rub
+the fur well with it (but remember that the rubbing must be always
+against the grain); then rub the fur with common flour until clean.
+Shake it well, and rub again with the flannel till all the flour is out
+of it. I have had a Minivar boa for four years. It has never been
+cleaned with anything but flour, and is not in the least injured by the
+rubbing. It was a school companion who told me that her aunt (a Russian
+lady) always cleaned her white furs with flour, and that they looked
+quite beautiful. It has one advantage--the lining does not require to be
+taken out, and it only requires a little trouble. Ermine takes longer
+than Minivar. The latter is very easily done.
+
+TO PERFUME LINEN.--Rose-leaves dried in the shade, or at about four feet
+from a stove, one pound; cloves, carraway-seeds, and allspice, of each
+one ounce; pound in a mortar, or grind in a mill; dried salt, a quarter
+of a pound; mix all these together, and put the compound into little
+bags.
+
+TO RESTORE SCORCHED LINEN.--Take two onions, peel and slice them, and
+extract the juice by squeezing or pounding. Then cut up half an ounce of
+white soap, and two ounces of fuller's earth; mix with them the onion
+juice, and half a pint of vinegar. Boil this composition well, and
+spread it, when cool, over the scorched part of the linen, leaving it to
+dry thereon. Afterwards wash out the linen.
+
+TO WHITEN LINEN THAT HAS TURNED YELLOW.--Cut up a pound of fine white
+soap into a gallon of milk, and hang it over the fire in a wash-kettle.
+When the soap has entirely melted, put in the linen, and boil it half an
+hour. Then take it out; have ready a lather of soap and warm water; wash
+the linen in it, and then rinse it through two cold waters, with a very
+little blue in the last.
+
+TO WASH CHINA CRAPE SCARFS, &c.--If the fabric be good, these articles
+of dress can be washed as frequently as may be required, and no
+diminution of their beauty will be discoverable, even when the various
+shades of green have been employed among other colors in the patterns.
+In cleaning them, make a strong lather of boiling water--suffer it to
+cool; when cold, or nearly so, wash the scarf quickly and thoroughly,
+dip it immediately in cold hard water, in which a little salt has been
+thrown (to preserve the colors), rinse, squeeze, and hang it out to dry
+in the open air; pin it at its extreme edge to the line, so that it may
+not in any part be folded together; the more rapidly it dries, the
+clearer it will be.
+
+TO CLEAN EMBROIDERY AND GOLD LACE.--For this purpose no alkaline liquors
+are to be used; for while they clean the gold, they corrode the silk,
+and change its color. Soap also alters the shade, and even the species
+of certain colors. But spirit of wine may be used without any danger of
+its injuring either color or quality; and, in many cases, proves as
+effectual for restoring the lustre of the gold as the corrosive
+detergents. But, though spirits of wine is the most innocent material
+employed for this purpose, it is not in all cases proper. The golden
+covering may be in some parts worn off; or the base metal with which it
+has been alloyed may be corroded by the air, so as to leave the
+particles of the gold disunited; while the silver underneath, tarnished
+to a yellow hue, may continue a tolerable color to the whole, so it is
+apparent that the removal of the tarnish would be prejudicial, and make
+the lace or embroidery less like gold than it was before. It is
+necessary that care should be taken.
+
+TO REMOVE STAINS OF WINE OR FRUIT FROM TABLE LINEN.--A wine stain may
+sometimes be removed by rubbing it, while wet, with common salt. It is
+said, also, that sherry wine poured immediately on a place where port
+wine has been spilled, will prevent its leaving a stain. A _certain_ way
+of extracting fruit or wine stains from table-linen is to tie up some
+cream of tartar in the stained part (so as to form a sort of bag), and
+then to put the linen into a lather of soap and cold water, and boil it
+awhile. Then transfer it wet to a lukewarm suds, wash and rinse it well,
+and dry and iron it. The stains will disappear during the process.
+Another way, is to mix, in equal quantities, soft soap, slackened lime,
+and pearl-ash. Rub the stain with this preparation, and expose the linen
+to the sun with the mixture plastered on it. If necessary, repeat the
+application. As soon as the stain has disappeared, wash out the linen
+immediately, as it will be injured if the mixture is left in it.
+
+STAIN MIXTURE.--Take an ounce of sal-ammoniac (or hartshorn) and an
+ounce of salt of tartar--mix them well, put them into a pint of soft
+water, and bottle it for use, keeping it very tightly corked. Pour a
+little of this liquid into a saucer, and wash in it those parts of a
+white article that have been stained with ink, mildew, fruit, or red
+wine. When the stains have, by this process, been removed, wash the
+article in the usual manner.
+
+CHEMICAL RENOVATING BALLS--for taking out grease, paint, pitch, tar,
+from silks, stuffs, linen, woolen, carpets, hats, coats, &c., without
+fading the color or injuring the cloth:--¼ ounce of fuller's earth, ¼
+ounce of pipe-clay, 1 ounce salt of tartar, 1 ounce beef gall, 1 ounce
+spirits of wine. Pound the hard parts and mix the ingredients well
+together. Wet the stain with cold water, rub it well with this ball,
+then sponge it with a wet sponge and the stain will disappear.
+
+TO PREVENT COLORED THINGS FROM RUNNING.--Boil ¼ pound of soap till
+nearly dissolved, then add a small piece of alum and boil with it. Wash
+the things in this lather, but do not soap them. If they require a
+second water put alum to that also as well as to the rinsing and blue
+water. This will preserve them.
+
+TO REMOVE STAINS FROM MOURNING DRESSES.--Take a good handful of
+fig-leaves, and boil them in two quarts of water until reduced to a
+pint. Squeeze the leaves and put the liquor into a bottle for use. The
+articles, whether of bombasin, crape, cloth, &c., need only be rubbed
+with a sponge dipped in the liquor, when the effect will be instantly
+produced. If any reason exists to prevent the substance from being
+wetted, then apply French chalk, which will absorb the grease from the
+finest texture without injury.
+
+TO SHRINK NEW FLANNEL.--New flannel should always be shrunk or washed
+before it is made up, that it may be cut out more accurately, and that
+the grease which is used in manufacturing it may be extracted. First,
+cut off the list along the selvage edges of the whole piece. Then put it
+into warm (not boiling) water, without soap. Begin at one end of the
+piece, and rub it with both hands till you come to the other end; this
+is to get out the grease and the blue with which new white flannel is
+always tinged. Then do the same through another water. Rinse it through
+a clean, lukewarm water; wring it lengthways, and stretch it well. In
+hanging it out on a line do not suspend it in festoons, but spread it
+along the line straight and lengthways. If dried in festoons, the edges
+will be in great scollops, making it very difficult to cut out. It must
+be dried in the sun. When dry let it be stretched even, clapped with the
+hands, and rolled up tight and smoothly, till wanted.
+
+GUM ARABIC STARCH.--Get two ounces of fine, white gum arabic, and pound
+it to powder. Next put it into a pitcher, and pour on it a pint or more
+of boiling water (according to the degree of strength you desire), and
+then, having covered it, let it set all night. In the morning, pour it
+carefully from the dregs into a clean bottle, cork it, and keep it for
+use. A table-spoonful of gum water stirred into a pint of starch that
+has been made in the usual manner, will give to lawns (either white or
+printed) a look of newness to which nothing else can restore them after
+washing. It is also good (much diluted) for thin white muslin and
+bobinet.
+
+TO WASH WHITE THREAD GLOVES AND STOCKINGS.--These articles are so
+delicate as to require great care in washing, and they must not on any
+account be rubbed. Make a lather of white soap and _cold_ water, and put
+it into a saucepan. Soap the gloves or stockings well, put them in, and
+set the saucepan over the fire. When they have come to a hard boil, take
+them off, and when cool enough for your hand, squeeze them in the water.
+Having prepared a fresh cold lather, boil them again in that. Then take
+the pan off the fire, and squeeze them well again, after which they can
+be stretched, dried, and then ironed on the wrong side.
+
+TO CLEAN SILK STOCKINGS.--First wash the stockings in the usual manner,
+to take out the rough dirt. After rinsing them in clean water, wash them
+well in a fresh soap liquor. Then make a third soap liquor, which color
+with a little stone-blue; then wash the stockings once more, take them
+out, wring them, and particularly dry them. Now stove them with
+brimstone, and draw on a wooden leg two stockings, one upon the other,
+observing that the two fronts or outsides are face to face. Polish with
+a glass bottle. The two first liquors should be only lukewarm, but the
+third as hot as you can bear your hand in. Blondes and gauzes may be
+whitened in the same manner, but there should be a little gum put in the
+last liquor before they are stoved.
+
+TO TAKE OUT MILDEW FROM CLOTHES.--Mix some soft soap with powdered
+starch, half as much salt, and the juice of a lemon, lay it on the part
+with a brush, let it be exposed in the air day and night, until the
+stain disappears. Iron-moulds may be removed by the salt of lemons. Many
+stains in linen may be taken out by dipping linen in sour buttermilk,
+and then drying it in the sun; afterwards wash it in cold water several
+times. Stains caused by acids may be removed by tying some pearlash up
+in the stained part; scrape some soap in cold, soft water, and boil the
+linen till the stain is out.
+
+BLEACHING STRAW.--Straw is bleached, and straw bonnets cleaned, by
+putting them into a cask into which a few brimstone matches are placed
+lighted. The fumes of the sulphur have the effect of destroying the
+color, or whitening the straw. The same effect may be produced by
+dipping the straw into the chloride of lime dissolved in water.
+
+TO WASH MOUSELINE-DE-LAINE.--Boil a pound of rice in five quarts of
+water, and, when cool enough, wash in this, using the rice for soap.
+Have another quantity ready, but strain the rice from this and use it
+with warm water, keeping the rice strained off for a third washing
+which, at the same time, stiffens and also brightens the colors.
+
+TO BLEACH A FADED DRESS.--Wash the dress in hot suds, and boil it until
+the color appears to be gone; then rinse it and dry it in the sun.
+Should it not be rendered white by these means, lay the dress in the
+open air, and bleach it for several days. If still not quite white,
+repeat the boiling.
+
+INDELIBLE MARKING INK, WITHOUT PREPARATION.--1½ drachms nitrate of
+silver (lunar caustic), 1 ounce distilled water, ½ ounce strong mucilage
+of gum arabic, ¾ drachm liquid ammonia; mix the above in a clean glass
+bottle, cork tightly, and keep in a dark place till dissolved, and ever
+afterwards. Directions for use:--Shake the bottle, then dip a clean
+quill pen in the ink, and write or draw what you require on the article;
+immediately hold it close to the fire, (without scorching) or pass a hot
+iron over it, and it will become a deep and indelible black,
+indestructible by either time or acids of any description.
+
+MIXTURE FOR REMOVING INK STAINS AND IRON-MOULDS.--Cream of tartar and
+salts of sorrel, one ounce each; mix well, and keep in a stoppered
+bottle.
+
+TO WASH HAIR-BRUSHES.--Never use soap. Take a piece of soda, dissolve
+it in warm water, stand the brush in it, taking care that the water only
+covers the bristles; it will almost immediately become white and clean;
+stand it to dry in the open air with the bristles downwards, and it will
+be found to be as firm as a new brush.
+
+TO CLEAN HEAD AND CLOTHES-BRUSHES.--Put a table-spoonful of pearl-ash
+into a pint of boiling water. Having fastened a bit of sponge to the end
+of a stick, dip it into the solution, and wash the brush with it;
+carefully going in among the bristles. Next pour over it some clean hot
+water, and let it lie a little while. Then drain it, wipe it with a
+cloth, and dry it before the fire.
+
+Lola Montez in her "Arts of Beauty" gives the following receipts for
+complexion, hair, &c:--
+
+FOR THE COMPLEXION.--"Infuse wheat-bran, well sifted, for four hours in
+white wine vinegar, add to it five yolks of eggs and two grains of
+ambergris, and distill the whole. It should be carefully corked for
+twelve or fifteen days, when it will be fit for use.
+
+"Distill two handfuls of jessamine flowers in a quart of rose-water and
+a quart of orange-water. Strain through porous paper, and add a scruple
+of musk and a scruple of ambergris."
+
+TO GIVE ELASTICITY OF FORM.--
+
+ "Fat of the stag or deer 8 oz.
+ Florence oil (or olive oil) 6 oz.
+ Virgin wax 3 oz.
+ Musk 1 grain.
+ White brandy ½ pint.
+ Rose-water 4 oz.
+
+"Put the fat, oil, and wax into a well glazed earthen vessel, and let
+them simmer over a slow fire until they are assimilated; then pour in
+the other ingredients, and let the whole gradually cool, when it will be
+fit for use. There is no doubt but that this mixture, frequently and
+thoroughly rubbed upon the body on going to bed, will impart a
+remarkable degree of elasticity to the muscles. In the morning, after
+this preparation has been used, the body should be thoroughly wiped with
+a sponge, dampened with cold water."
+
+FOR THE COMPLEXION.--"Take equal parts of the seeds of the melon,
+pumpkin, gourd, and cucumber, pounded till they are reduced to powder;
+add to it sufficient fresh cream to dilute the flour, and then add milk
+enough to reduce the whole to a thin paste. Add a grain of musk, and a
+few drops of the oil of lemon. Anoint the face with this, leave it on
+twenty or thirty minutes, or overnight if convenient, and wash off with
+warm water. It gives a remarkable purity and brightness to the
+complexion.
+
+"Infuse a handful of well sifted wheat bran for four hours in white wine
+vinegar; add to it five yolks of eggs and two grains of musk, and
+distill the whole. Bottle it, keep carefully corked fifteen days, when
+it will be fit for use. Apply it over night, and wash in the morning
+with tepid water."
+
+TOOTH-POWDER.--
+
+ "Prepared chalk 6 oz.
+ Cassia powder ½ oz.
+ Orris-root 1 oz.
+
+"These should be thoroughly mixed and used once a day with a firm
+brush.
+
+"A simple mixture of charcoal and cream of tartar is an excellent
+tooth-powder."
+
+TO WHITEN THE HAND.--"Both Spanish and French women--those, at least,
+who are very particular to make the most of these charms--are in the
+habit of sleeping in gloves which are lined or plastered over with a
+kind of pomade to improve the delicacy and complexion of their hands.
+This paste is generally made of the following ingredients:--
+
+"Take half a pound of soft soap, a gill of salad oil, an ounce of mutton
+tallow, and boil them till they are thoroughly mixed. After the boiling
+has ceased, but before it is cold, add one gill of spirits of wine, and
+a grain of musk.
+
+"If any lady wishes to try this, she can buy a pair of gloves three or
+four sizes larger than the hand, rip them open and spread on a thin
+layer of the paste, and then sew the gloves up again. There is no doubt
+that by wearing them every night they will give smoothness and a fine
+complexion to the hands. Those who have the means, can send to Paris and
+purchase them ready made.
+
+"If the hands are inclined to be rough and to chap, the following wash
+will remedy the evil.
+
+ Lemon-juice 3 oz.
+ White wine vinegar 3 oz.
+ White brandy ½ pint."
+
+FOR THE HAIR.--"Beat up the white of four eggs into a froth, and rub
+that thoroughly in close to the roots of the hair. Leave it to dry on.
+Then wash the head and hair clean with a mixture of equal parts of rum
+and rose-water."
+
+"HONEY-WATER.--
+
+ "Essence of ambergris 1 dr.
+ Essence of musk 1 dr.
+ Essence of bergamot 2 drs.
+ Oil of cloves 15 drops.
+ Orange-flower water 4 oz.
+ Spirits of wine 5 oz.
+ Distilled water 4 oz.
+
+"All these ingredients should be mixed together, and left about fourteen
+days, then the whole to be filtered through porous paper, and bottled
+for use.
+
+"This is a good hair-wash and an excellent perfume."
+
+"TO REMOVE PIMPLES.--There are many kinds of pimples, some of which
+partake almost of the nature of ulcers, which require medical treatment;
+but the small red pimple, which is most common, may be removed by
+applying the following twice a-day:--
+
+ "Sulphur water 1 oz.
+ Acetated liquor of ammonia ¼ oz.
+ Liquor of potassa 1 gr.
+ White wine vinegar 2 oz.
+ Distilled water 2 oz."
+
+"TO REMOVE BLACK SPECKS OR 'FLESHWORMS.'--Sometimes little black specks
+appear about the base of the nose, or on the forehead, or in the hollow
+of the chin which are called 'fleshworms,' and are occasioned by
+coagulated lymph that obstructs the pores of the skin. They may be
+squeezed out by pressing the skin, and ignorant persons suppose them to
+be little worms. They are permanently removed by washing with warm
+water, and severe friction with a towel, and then applying a little of
+the following preparation:--
+
+ "Liquor of potassa 1 oz.
+ Cologne 2 oz.
+ White brandy. 4 oz.
+
+"The warm water and friction alone are sometimes sufficient."
+
+"TO REMOVE FRECKLES.--The most celebrated compound ever used for the
+removal of freckles was called Unction de Maintenon, after the
+celebrated Madame de Maintenon, mistress and wife of Louis XIV. It is
+made as follows:--
+
+ "Venice soap 1 oz.
+ Lemon-juice ½ oz.
+ Oil of bitter almonds ¼ oz.
+ Deliquidated oil of tartar ¼ oz.
+ Oil of rhodium 3 drops
+
+"First dissolve the soap in the lemon-juice, then add the two oils, and
+place the whole in the sun till it acquires the consistence of ointment,
+and then add the oil of rhodium. Anoint the freckly face at night with
+this unction, and wash in the morning with pure water, or, if
+convenient, with a mixture of elder-flower and rose-water.
+
+"TO REMOVE TAN.--An excellent wash to remove tan is called Crème de
+l'Enclos, and is made thus:
+
+ "New milk ½ pint.
+ Lemon-juice ¼ oz.
+ White brandy ½ oz.
+
+"Boil the whole, and skim it clear from all scum. Use it night and
+morning.
+
+"A famous preparation with the Spanish ladies for removing the effects
+of the sun and making the complexion bright, is composed simply of equal
+parts of lemon-juice and the white of eggs. The whole is beat together
+in a varnished earthen pot, and set over a slow fire, and stirred with a
+wooden spoon till it acquires the consistence of soft pomatum. This
+compound is called Pommade de Seville. If the face is well washed with
+rice-water before it is applied, it will remove freckles, and give a
+fine lustre to the complexion."
+
+
+
+
+------------------------------------------------------------------------
+
+Transcriber's Note:
+
+
+Minor punctuation errors (e.g. missing, misprinted or misplaced
+punctuation) have been corrected without note. Inconsistent hyphenation
+(e.g. ball room, ball-room; bon-bons, bonbons), spelling (e.g. visiters,
+visitors) and capitalization (e.g. neroli, Neroli) have not been
+corrected.
+
+Many of the "Receipts" are nearly identical. This has not been changed.
+
+The following changes were made to the text:
+
+p. 31: admissable to admissible (black lace mittens are admissible)
+
+p. 44 and 45: soiree to soirée
+
+p. 45: oclock to o'clock (Thursday evening next, at 8 o'clock)
+
+p. 137: left to right (On the upper right hand corner of your envelope)
+
+p. 160: violincello to violoncello (a piano, violin, and violoncello)
+
+p. 203: á to à (_à troistemps_)
+
+p. 204: missing "of" added (the most graceful of dances)
+
+p. 214: guaze to gauze (with a gauze of a different color)
+
+p. 221: kneedles to needles (needles should be of the smallest size)
+
+p. 235: extra close quote removed (entered that house.)
+
+p. 244: extra "the" removed (in the highest and lowest classes)
+
+p. 260: returnes to returns (she returns from her bridal tour)
+
+p. 278: double quotes to single quotes ('Appetite,' says Dr. Combe,
+'revives after repose.')
+
+p. 305: extra "a" removed (containing a mixture in equal portions)
+
+p. 307: CRÉME to CRÈME (CRÈME DE L'ENCLOS.)
+
+p. 318: extra "of" removed (four ounces of butter)
+
+p. 326: inpair to impair (impair the color)
+
+p. 339: Crême to Crème (is called Crème de l'Enclos)
+
+p. 340: acquired to acquires (till it acquires)
+
+------------------------------------------------------------------------
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and
+Manual of Politeness, by Florence Hartley
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE ***
+
+***** This file should be named 35123-8.txt or 35123-8.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+ https://www.gutenberg.org/3/5/1/2/35123/
+
+Produced by Julia Miller, S.D., and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by The
+Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries)
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+https://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See
+paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works. See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+ the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+ you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is
+ owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+ has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+ Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments
+ must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+ prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+ returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+ sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+ address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+ the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+ you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+ does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+ License. You must require such a user to return or
+ destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+ and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+ Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+ money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+ electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+ of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+ distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+https://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at https://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+ Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+ Chief Executive and Director
+ gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit https://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including including checks, online payments and credit card
+donations. To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+ https://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
diff --git a/35123-8.zip b/35123-8.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..9f6053b
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35123-8.zip
Binary files differ
diff --git a/35123-h.zip b/35123-h.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..78cfaf1
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35123-h.zip
Binary files differ
diff --git a/35123-h/35123-h.htm b/35123-h/35123-h.htm
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..2e5b6ed
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35123-h/35123-h.htm
@@ -0,0 +1,11926 @@
+<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN"
+ "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd">
+
+<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en">
+ <head>
+ <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" />
+ <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" />
+ <title>
+ The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and
+ Manual of Politeness, by Florence Hartley. (A Project Gutenberg eBook)
+ </title>
+ <style type="text/css">
+
+body {
+margin-left:10%;
+margin-right:10%;
+}
+
+h1,h2,h3 {
+clear:both;
+font-weight:400;
+text-align:center;
+}
+
+h1 {
+line-height:1.5em;
+}
+
+h2 {
+letter-spacing:0.17em;
+line-height:1.5em;
+padding-top:2em;
+}
+
+h3 {
+letter-spacing:0.17em;
+padding-top:1.5em;
+}
+
+p {
+margin-bottom:.75em;
+margin-top:.75em;
+text-align:justify;
+}
+
+table {
+margin-left:auto;
+margin-right:auto;
+}
+
+p#copy {
+line-height:1.5em;
+padding:3em;
+}
+
+p.ralign {
+margin-right:2em;
+text-align:right;
+}
+
+p.linkback {
+font-size: 75%;
+text-align:center;
+margin-bottom:2.5em;
+margin-top:0;
+}
+
+div.blocks {
+padding:0.5em 0;
+}
+
+div#tn {
+background-color:#CFC;
+border:solid #38610B 1px;
+font-size:85%;
+margin:5%;
+padding:2em;
+}
+
+div#tn h2,div#footnotes h2 {
+padding-top:0;
+}
+
+div#corr p {
+margin-bottom:.25em;
+margin-top:.25em;
+}
+
+div#footnotes {
+background-color:#F2F2F2;
+border:solid #A4A4A4 1px;
+margin:5%;
+padding:2em;
+}
+
+div.footnote {
+font-size:85%;
+margin-left:10%;
+margin-right:10%;
+}
+
+span.fnlabel {
+padding:8px;
+}
+
+span.fnlabel a {
+text-decoration:none;
+}
+
+.fnanchor {
+background-color:#F2F2F2;
+font-size:.8em;
+font-weight:400;
+text-decoration:none;
+vertical-align:super;
+}
+
+span.pagenum {
+color:gray;
+font-size:small;
+font-style:normal;
+left:92%;
+position:absolute;
+text-align:right;
+}
+
+span.subttl {
+font-size:70%;
+letter-spacing:0.03em;
+}
+
+span.subttl2 {
+font-size:70%;
+letter-spacing:0.17em;
+}
+
+.wide {
+letter-spacing:0.17em;
+}
+
+.p-tb {
+padding:1em 0;
+}
+
+.p-t {
+padding-top:1em;
+}
+
+.p-l1 {
+padding-left:1.5em;
+}
+
+.p-l2 {
+padding-left:2em;
+}
+
+.p-l4 {
+padding-left:4em;
+}
+
+.p-l6 {
+padding-left:6em;
+}
+
+.p-l8 {
+padding-left:8em;
+}
+
+.p-l14 {
+padding-left:14em;
+}
+
+.p-l16 {
+padding-left:16em;
+}
+
+.p-r2 {
+padding-right:2em;
+}
+
+.p-r4 {
+padding-right:4em;
+}
+
+.p-r6 {
+padding-right:6em;
+}
+
+.p-r10 {
+padding-right:10em;
+}
+
+.center {
+text-align:center;
+}
+
+.smcap {
+font-variant:small-caps;
+}
+
+.smcapuc {
+font-size:80%;
+}
+
+.lg {
+font-size:115%;
+}
+
+.med {
+font-size:105%;
+}
+
+.sm {
+font-size:85%;
+}
+
+.xsm {
+font-size:70%;
+}
+
+.wee {
+font-size:55%;
+}
+
+</style>
+ </head>
+<body>
+
+
+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and Manual
+of Politeness, by Florence Hartley
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness
+ A Complete Hand Book for the Use of the Lady in Polite Society
+
+Author: Florence Hartley
+
+Release Date: January 30, 2011 [EBook #35123]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Julia Miller, S.D., and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by The
+Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+<h1><span class="wee">THE</span><br />
+LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE,<br />
+<span class="wee">AND</span><br />
+<span class="sm">MANUAL OF POLITENESS.</span></h1>
+
+<p class="center">A COMPLETE HAND BOOK FOR THE USE OF THE LADY IN POLITE SOCIETY.</p>
+
+<p class="center xsm p-tb">CONTAINING</p>
+
+<p class="center xsm">FULL DIRECTIONS FOR CORRECT MANNERS, DRESS, DEPORTMENT, AND CONVERSATION;<br />
+RULES FOR THE DUTIES OF BOTH HOSTESS AND GUEST<br />
+IN MORNING RECEPTIONS, DINNER COMPANIES, VISITING, EVENING<br />
+PARTIES AND BALLS; A COMPLETE GUIDE FOR LETTER<br />
+WRITING AND CARDS OF COMPLIMENT; HINTS<br />
+ON MANAGING SERVANTS, ON THE PRESERVATION<br />
+OF HEALTH, AND ON ACCOMPLISHMENTS.</p>
+
+<p class="center xsm p-tb">AND ALSO</p>
+
+<p class="center sm">USEFUL RECEIPTS FOR THE COMPLEXION, HAIR, AND WITH HINTS<br />
+AND DIRECTIONS FOR THE CARE OF THE WARDROBE.</p>
+
+<p class="center p-tb"><span class="xsm">BY</span><br />
+<span class="lg">FLORENCE HARTLEY,</span><br />
+<span class="xsm">AUTHOR OF THE "LADIES' HAND BOOK OF FANCY AND ORNAMENTAL WORK."</span></p>
+
+<p class="center wide med p-tb">BOSTON:<br />
+G. W. COTTRELL, PUBLISHER,<br />
+<span class="smcap">36 Cornhill</span>.
+</p>
+
+<p id="copy" class="center sm">Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1860, by<br />
+<span class="wide">G. G. EVANS,</span><br />
+in the Clerk's Office of the District Court for the Eastern District of<br />
+Pennsylvania.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_3" id="Pg_3">[3]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2>INTRODUCTION.</h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>In preparing a book of etiquette for ladies, I would lay down
+as the first rule, "Do unto others as you would others should
+do to you." You can never be rude if you bear the rule
+always in mind, for what lady likes to be treated rudely?
+True Christian politeness will always be the result of an unselfish
+regard for the feelings of others, and though you may
+err in the ceremonious points of etiquette, you will never be impolite.</p>
+
+<p>Politeness, founded upon such a rule, becomes the expression,
+in graceful manner, of social virtues. The spirit of politeness
+consists in a certain attention to forms and ceremonies, which
+are meant both to please others and ourselves, and to make
+others pleased with us; a still clearer definition may be given
+by saying that politeness is goodness of heart put into daily
+practice; there can be no <em>true</em> politeness without kindness,
+purity, singleness of heart, and sensibility.</p>
+
+<p>Many believe that politeness is but a mask worn in the world
+to conceal bad passions and impulses, and to make a show of
+possessing virtues not really existing in the heart; thus, that
+politeness is merely hypocrisy and dissimulation. Do not believe
+this; be certain that those who profess such a doctrine
+are practising themselves the deceit they condemn so much.
+Such people scout politeness, because, to be truly a lady, one<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_4" id="Pg_4">[4]</a></span>
+must carry the principles into every circumstance of life, into
+the family circle, the most intimate friendship, and never forget
+to extend the gentle courtesies of life to every one. This they
+find too much trouble, and so deride the idea of being polite
+and call it deceitfulness.</p>
+
+<p>True politeness is the language of a good heart, and those
+possessing that heart will never, under any circumstances, be
+rude. They may not enter a crowded saloon gracefully; they
+may be entirely ignorant of the <em>forms</em> of good society; they may
+be awkward at table, ungrammatical in speech; but they will
+never be heard speaking so as to wound the feelings of another;
+they will never be seen making others uncomfortable by seeking
+solely for their own <em>personal</em> convenience; they will always
+endeavor to set every one around them at ease; they will be
+self-sacrificing, friendly, unselfish; truly in word and deed,
+<em>polite</em>. Give to such a woman the knowledge of the forms and
+customs of society, teach her how best to show the gentle
+courtesies of life, and you have a <em>lady</em>, created by God, only
+indebted for the <em>outward</em> polish to the world.</p>
+
+<p>It is true that society demands this same unselfishness and
+courtesy, but when there is no heart in the work, the time is
+frittered away on the mere ceremonies, forms of etiquette, and
+customs of society, and this politeness seeks only its own ends;
+to be known as courteous, spoken of as lady-like, and not beloved
+as unselfish and womanly.</p>
+
+<p>Etiquette exists in some form in all countries, has existed
+and will exist in all ages. From the rudest savage who dares
+not approach his ignorant, barbarous ruler without certain
+forms and ceremonies, to the most polished courts in Europe, or
+the home circles of America, etiquette reigns.</p>
+
+<p>True politeness will be found, its basis in the human heart,
+the same in all these varied scenes and situations, but the outward
+forms of etiquette will vary everywhere. Even in the
+same scene, time will alter every form, and render the exquisite
+polish of last year, obsolete rudeness next year.</p>
+
+<p>Politeness, being based upon real kindness of heart, cannot
+exist where there is selfishness or brutality to warp its growth.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_5" id="Pg_5">[5]</a></span>
+It is founded upon love of the neighbor, and a desire to be beloved,
+and to show love. Thus, where such pure, noble feelings
+do not exist, the mere forms of politeness become hypocrisy
+and deceit.</p>
+
+<p>Rudeness will repel, where courtesy would attract friends.</p>
+
+<p>Never by word or action notice the defects of another; be
+charitable, for all need charity. Remember who said, "Let
+him that is without fault cast the first stone." Remember that
+the laws of politeness require the consideration of the feelings
+of others; the endeavor to make every one feel at ease; and
+frank courtesy towards all. Never meet rudeness in others
+with rudeness upon your own part; even the most brutal
+and impolite will be more shamed by being met with courtesy
+and kindness, than by any attempt to annoy them by insolence
+on your part.</p>
+
+<p>Politeness forbids any display of resentment. The polished
+surface throws back the arrow.</p>
+
+<p>Remember that a favor becomes doubly valuable if granted
+with courtesy, and that the pain of a refusal may be softened
+if the manner expresses polite regret.</p>
+
+<p>Kindness, even to the most humble, will never lose anything
+by being offered in a gentle, courteous manner, and the most
+common-place action will admit of grace and ease in its execution.</p>
+
+<p>Let every action, while it is finished in strict accordance
+with etiquette, be, at the same time, easy, as if dictated solely
+by the heart.</p>
+
+<p>To be truly polite, remember you must be polite at <em>all</em> times,
+and under <em>all</em> circumstances.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_6" id="Pg_6">[6]</a></span>
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_7" id="Pg_7"><br />[7]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CONTENTS" id="CONTENTS"></a>CONTENTS.</h2>
+
+<table border="0" cellspacing="2" summary="Table of Contents">
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_I">CHAPTER I.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td></td><td class="xsm">PAGE</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="smcap">Conversation</td>
+<td align="right">11</td></tr>
+
+<tr class="p-t"><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_II">CHAPTER II.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="smcap">Dress</td>
+<td align="right">21</td></tr>
+
+<tr class="p-t"><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_III">CHAPTER III.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="smcap">Traveling</td>
+<td align="right">34</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_IV">CHAPTER IV.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="smcap">How to behave at a Hotel</td>
+<td align="right">40</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_V">CHAPTER V.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td><span class="smcap">Evening Parties</span>&mdash;Etiquette for the Hostess</td>
+<td align="right">44</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_VI">CHAPTER VI.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td><span class="smcap">Evening Parties</span>&mdash;Etiquette for the Guest</td>
+<td align="right">54</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_VII">CHAPTER VII.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td><span class="smcap">Visiting</span>&mdash;Etiquette for the Hostess</td>
+<td align="right">60</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_VIII">CHAPTER VIII.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td><span class="smcap">Visiting</span>&mdash;Etiquette for the Guest</td>
+<td align="right">66</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_8" id="Pg_8">[8]</a></span>
+<a href="#CHPTR_IX">CHAPTER IX.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td><span class="smcap">Morning Receptions or Calls</span>&mdash;Etiquette for the Hostess</td>
+<td align="right">76</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_X">CHAPTER X.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td><span class="smcap">Morning Receptions or Calls</span>&mdash;Etiquette for the Caller</td>
+<td align="right">81</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_XI">CHAPTER XI.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td><span class="smcap">Dinner Company</span>&mdash;Etiquette for the Hostess</td>
+<td align="right">87</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_XII">CHAPTER XII.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td><span class="smcap">Dinner Company</span>&mdash;Etiquette for the Guest</td>
+<td align="right">97</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_XIII">CHAPTER XIII.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="smcap">Table Etiquette</td>
+<td align="right">105</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_XIV">CHAPTER XIV.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="smcap">Conduct in the Street</td>
+<td align="right">109</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_XV">CHAPTER XV.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="smcap">Letter Writing</td>
+<td align="right">116</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_XVI">CHAPTER XVI.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="smcap">Polite Deportment and good Habits</td>
+<td align="right">142</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_XVII">CHAPTER XVII.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="smcap">Conduct in Church</td>
+<td align="right">154</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_XVIII">CHAPTER XVIII.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td><span class="smcap">Ball room Etiquette</span>&mdash;For the Hostess</td>
+<td align="right">158</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_XIX">CHAPTER XIX.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td><span class="smcap">Ball room Etiquette</span>&mdash;For the Guest</td>
+<td align="right">166</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_XX">CHAPTER XX.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="smcap">Places of Amusement</td>
+<td align="right">172</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_9" id="Pg_9">[9]</a></span>
+<a href="#CHPTR_XXI">CHAPTER XXI.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="smcap">Accomplishments</td>
+<td align="right">178</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_XXII">CHAPTER XXII.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="smcap">Servants</td>
+<td align="right">232</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_XXIII">CHAPTER XXIII.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="smcap">On a Young Lady's Conduct when contemplating Marriage</td>
+<td align="right">244</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_XXIV">CHAPTER XXIV.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="smcap">Bridal Etiquette</td>
+<td align="right">259</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_XXV">CHAPTER XXV.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="smcap">Hints on Health</td>
+<td align="right">264</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#CHPTR_XXVI">CHAPTER XXVI.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="smcap">Miscellaneous</td>
+<td align="right">283</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="center" class="p-t" colspan="2"><a href="#RECEIPTS">RECEIPTS.</a></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td class="smcap">For the Complexion, &amp;c.</td>
+<td align="right">303</td></tr>
+</table>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_10" id="Pg_10">[10]</a></span>
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_11" id="Pg_11"><br />[11]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2>LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE.<br /><br />
+<a name="CHPTR_I" id="CHPTR_I"></a>CHAPTER I.<br />
+<span class="subttl">CONVERSATION.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>The art of conversation consists in the exercise of two
+fine qualities. You must originate, and you must sympathize;
+you must possess at the same time the habit of
+communicating and of listening attentively. The union
+is rare but irresistible. None but an excessively ill-bred
+person will allow her attention to wander from the person
+with whom she is conversing; and especially she will
+never, while seeming to be entirely attentive to her companion,
+answer a remark or question made to another
+person, in another group. Unless the conversation be
+general among a party of friends, confine your remarks
+and attention entirely to the person with whom you are
+conversing. Steele says, "I would establish but one
+great general rule in conversation, which is this&mdash;that
+people should not talk to please themselves, but those
+who hear them. This would make them consider whether<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_12" id="Pg_12">[12]</a></span>
+what they speak be worth hearing; whether there be
+either wit or sense in what they are about to say; and
+whether it be adapted to the time when, the place where,
+and the person to whom, it is spoken."</p>
+
+<p>Be careful in conversation to avoid topics which may
+be supposed to have any direct reference to events or
+circumstances which may be painful for your companion
+to hear discussed; you may unintentionally start a subject
+which annoys or troubles the friend with whom you
+may be conversing; in that case, do not stop abruptly,
+when you perceive that it causes pain, and, above all, do
+not make the matter worse by apologizing; turn to another
+subject as soon as possible, and pay no attention
+to the agitation your unfortunate remark may have excited.
+Many persons will, for the sake of appearing
+witty or smart, wound the feelings of another deeply;
+avoid this; it is not only ill-bred, but cruel.</p>
+
+<p>Remember that having all the talk sustained by one
+person is not conversation; do not engross all the attention
+yourself, by refusing to allow another person an opportunity
+to speak, and also avoid the other extreme of
+total silence, or answering only in monosyllables.</p>
+
+<p>If your companion relates an incident or tells a story,
+be very careful not to interrupt her by questions, even
+if you do not clearly understand her; wait until she has
+finished her relation, and then ask any questions you may
+desire. There is nothing more annoying than to be so
+interrupted. I have heard a story told to an impertinent
+listener, which ran in this way:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I saw a fearful sight&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"When?"</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_13" id="Pg_13">[13]</a></span></p><p>"I was about to tell you; last Monday, on the train&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"What train?"</p>
+
+<p>"The train from B&mdash;&mdash;. We were near the bridge&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"What bridge?"</p>
+
+<p>"I will tell you all about it, if you will only let me
+speak. I was coming from B&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Last Monday, did you say?"</p>
+
+<p>and so on. The story was interrupted at every sentence,
+and the relator condemned as a most tedious story-teller,
+when, had he been permitted to go forward, he would
+have made the incident interesting and short.</p>
+
+<p>Never interrupt any one who is speaking. It is very
+ill-bred. If you see that a person to whom you wish to
+speak is being addressed by another person, never speak
+until she has heard and replied; until her conversation
+with that person is finished. No truly polite lady ever
+breaks in upon a conversation or interrupts another
+speaker.</p>
+
+<p>Never, in speaking to a married lady, enquire for her
+<em>husband</em>, or, if a gentleman, ask for his <em>wife</em>. The elegant
+way is to call the absent party by their name; ask
+Mr. Smith how Mrs. Smith is, or enquire of Mrs. Jones
+for Mr. Jones, but never for "your husband" or "your
+wife." On the other hand, if you are married, never
+speak of your husband as your "lord," "husband," or
+"good man," avoid, also, unless amongst relatives, calling
+him by his Christian name. If you wish others to
+respect him, show by speaking of him in respectful terms
+that you do so yourself. If either your own husband or
+your friend's is in the army or navy, or can claim the
+Dr., Prof., or any other prefix to his name, there is no<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_14" id="Pg_14">[14]</a></span>
+impropriety in speaking of him as the colonel, doctor,
+or whatever his title may be.</p>
+
+<p>It is a mark of ill-breeding to use French phrases or
+words, unless you are sure your companion is a French
+scholar, and, even then, it is best to avoid them. Above
+all, do not use any foreign word or phrase, unless you
+have the language perfectly at your command. I heard
+a lady once use a Spanish quotation; she had mastered
+that one sentence alone; but a Cuban gentleman, delighted
+to meet an American who could converse with
+him in his own tongue, immediately addressed her in
+Spanish. Embarrassed and ashamed, she was obliged
+to confess that her knowledge of the language was confined
+to one quotation.</p>
+
+<p>Never anticipate the point or joke of any anecdote
+told in your presence. If <em>you</em> have heard the story before,
+it may be new to others, and the narrator should
+always be allowed to finish it in his own words. To take
+any sentence from the mouth of another person, before
+he has time to utter it, is the height of ill-breeding.
+Avoid it carefully.</p>
+
+<p>Never use the phrases, "What-d-ye call it," "Thingummy,"
+"What's his name," or any such substitutes
+for a proper name or place. If you cannot recall the
+names you wish to use, it is better not to tell the story
+or incident connected with them. No lady of high
+breeding will ever use these substitutes in conversation.</p>
+
+<p>Be careful always to speak in a distinct, clear voice;
+at the same time avoid talking too loudly, there is a happy
+medium between mumbling and screaming. Strive to
+attain it.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_15" id="Pg_15">[15]</a></span>
+Overlook the deficiencies of others when conversing
+with them, as they may be the results of ignorance, and
+impossible to correct. Never pain another person by
+correcting, before others, a word or phrase mispronounced
+or ungrammatically constructed. If your intimacy will
+allow it, speak of the fault upon another occasion, kindly
+and privately, or let it pass. Do not be continually
+watching for faults, that you may display your own superior
+wisdom in correcting them. Let modesty and
+kind feeling govern your conversation, as other rules of
+life. If, on the other hand, your companion uses words
+or expressions which you cannot understand, do not affect
+knowledge, or be ashamed of your ignorance, but
+frankly ask for an explanation.</p>
+
+<p>In conversing with professional gentlemen, never
+question them upon matters connected with their employment.
+An author may communicate, voluntarily, information
+interesting to you, upon the subject of his
+works, but any questions from you would be extremely
+rude. If you meet a physician who is attending a
+friend, you may enquire for their progress, but do not
+expect him to give you a detailed account of the disease
+and his manner of treating it. The same rule applies
+to questioning lawyers about their clients, artists on
+their paintings, merchants or mechanics of their several
+branches of business. Professional or business men,
+when with ladies, generally wish for miscellaneous subjects
+of conversation, and, as their visits are for recreation,
+they will feel excessively annoyed if obliged to
+"talk shop." Still many men can converse on no other
+subject than their every day employment. In this case<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_16" id="Pg_16">[16]</a></span>
+listen politely, and show your interest. You will probably
+gain useful information in such conversation.</p>
+
+<p>Never question the veracity of any statement made
+in general conversation. If you are certain a statement
+is false, and it is injurious to another person, who may
+be absent, you may quietly and courteously inform the
+speaker that he is mistaken, but if the falsehood is of
+no consequence, let it pass. If a statement appears
+monstrous, but you do not <em>know</em> that it is false, listen,
+but do not question its veracity. It may be true, though
+it strikes you as improbable.</p>
+
+<p>Never attempt to disparage an absent friend. It is
+the height of meanness. If others admire her, and you
+do not, let them have their opinion in peace; you will
+probably fail if you try to lower her in their esteem, and
+gain for yourself the character of an ill-natured, envious
+person.</p>
+
+<p>In conversing with foreigners, if they speak slightingly
+of the manners of your country, do not retort
+rudely, or resentfully. If their views are wrong, converse
+upon the subject, giving them frankly your views,
+but never retaliate by telling them that some custom of
+their own country is worse. A gentleman or lady of
+true refinement will always give your words candid consideration,
+and admit that an American may possibly
+know the customs of her country better than they do,
+and if your opponent is not well-bred, your rudeness
+will not improve his manners. Let the conversation
+upon national subjects be candid, and at the same time
+courteous, and leave him to think that the <em>ladies</em> in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_17" id="Pg_17">[17]</a></span>
+America are well-bred, however much he may dislike
+some little national peculiarity.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid, at all times, mentioning subjects or incidents
+that can in any way disgust your hearers. Many persons
+will enter into the details of sicknesses which should be
+mentioned only when absolutely necessary, or describe
+the most revolting scenes before a room full of people, or
+even at table. Others speak of vermin, noxious plants,
+or instances of uncleanliness. All such conversation or
+allusion is excessively ill-bred. It is not only annoying,
+but absolutely sickening to some, and a truly lady-like
+person will avoid all such topics.</p>
+
+<p>I cannot too severely censure the habit of using sentences
+which admit of a double meaning. It is not only
+ill-bred, but indelicate, and no person of true refinement
+will ever do it. If you are so unfortunate as to converse
+with one who uses such phrases, never by word, look, or
+sign show that you understand any meaning beyond the
+plain, outspoken language.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid always any discussion upon religious topics,
+unless you are perfectly certain that your remarks cannot
+annoy or pain any one present. If you are tête-à-tête
+with a friend, and such a discussion arise, inquire
+your companion's church and mention your own, that
+you may yourself avoid unpleasant remarks, and caution
+him.</p>
+
+<p>Never, when advancing an opinion, assert positively
+that a thing "<em>is so</em>," but give your opinion <em>as</em> an opinion.
+Say, "I think this is so," or "these are <em>my</em> views,"
+but remember that your companion may be better informed
+upon the subject under discussion, or, where it is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_18" id="Pg_18">[18]</a></span>
+a mere matter of taste or feeling, do not expect that all
+the world will feel exactly as you do.</p>
+
+<p>Never repeat to a person with whom you converse, any
+unpleasant speech you may have heard concerning her.
+If you can give her pleasure by the repetition of a delicate
+compliment, or token of approval shown by a mutual
+friend, tell her the pleasant speech or incident, but do
+not hurt her feelings, or involve her in a quarrel by the
+repetition of ill-natured remarks.</p>
+
+<p>Amongst well-bred persons, every conversation is considered
+in a measure confidential. A lady or gentleman
+tacitly confides in you when he (or she) tells you an incident
+which may cause trouble if repeated, and you
+violate a confidence as much in such a repetition, as if
+you were bound over to secrecy. Remember this.</p>
+
+<p>Never criticise a companion's dress, or indeed make
+any remark whatever upon it. If a near friend, you
+may, if sincere, admire any article, but with a mere acquaintance
+let it pass unnoticed. If, however, any accident
+has happened to the dress, of which she is ignorant,
+tell her of it, and assist her in repairing the mischief.</p>
+
+<p>To be able to converse really well, you must read
+much, treasure in your memory the pearls of what you
+read; you must have a quick comprehension, observe
+passing events, and listen attentively whenever there is
+any opportunity of acquiring knowledge. A quick tact
+is necessary, too, in conversation. To converse with an
+entirely uneducated person upon literature, interlarding
+your remarks with quotations, is ill-bred. It places
+them in an awkward situation, and does not add to your
+popularity. In conversing with persons of refinement<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_19" id="Pg_19">[19]</a></span>
+and intelligence, do not endeavor to attract their admiration
+by pouring forth every item of your own information
+upon the subject under consideration, but listen as
+well as talk, and modestly follow their lead. I do not
+mean, to assent to any opinion they may advance, if you
+really differ in your own tastes, but do not be <em>too</em> ready
+to show your superior judgment or information. Avoid
+argument; it is not conversation, and frequently leads
+to ill feeling. If you are unfortunately drawn into an
+argument, keep your temper under perfect control, and
+if you find your adversary is getting too warm, endeavor
+to introduce some other topic.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid carefully any allusion to the age or personal
+defects of your companion, or any one who may be in
+the room, and be very careful in your language when
+speaking of a stranger to another person. I have heard
+a lady inquire of a gentleman, "who that frightful girl
+in blue could be," and receive the information that the
+lady in question was the gentleman's own sister.</p>
+
+<p>Be careful, when traveling, not to wound the feelings
+of your friends in another country or city, by underrating
+their native place, or attempting to prove the superiority
+of your own home over theirs.</p>
+
+<p>Very young girls are apt to suppose, from what they
+observe in older ones, that there is some particular manner
+to be put on, in talking to gentlemen, and, not
+knowing exactly what it is, they are embarrassed and
+reserved; others observe certain airs and looks, used by
+their elders in this intercourse, and try to imitate them,
+as a necessary part of company behaviours, and, so become
+affected, and lose that first of charms, simplicity,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_20" id="Pg_20">[20]</a></span>
+natural grace. To such, let me say, your companions
+are in error; it requires no peculiar manner, nothing to
+be put on, in order to converse with gentlemen, any more
+than with ladies; and the more pure and elevated your
+sentiments are, and the better cultivated your intellect
+is, the easier will you find it to converse pleasantly with
+all. One good rule can be always followed by young ladies;
+to converse with a lady friend as if there were gentlemen
+present, and to converse with a gentleman as if
+in the room with other ladies.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid affectation; it is the sure test of a deceitful,
+vulgar mind. The best cure is to try to have those virtues
+which you would affect, and then they will appear
+naturally.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_21" id="Pg_21">[21]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_II" id="CHPTR_II"></a>CHAPTER II.<br />
+<span class="subttl">DRESS.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>"A lady is never so well dressed as when you cannot
+remember what she wears."</p>
+
+<p>No truer remark than the above was ever made. Such
+an effect can only be produced where every part of the
+dress harmonizes entirely with the other parts, where
+each color or shade suits the wearer's style completely,
+and where there is perfect neatness in each detail. One
+glaring color, or conspicuous article, would entirely mar
+the beauty of such a dress. It is, unfortunately, too
+much the custom in America to wear any article, or shape
+in make, that is fashionable, without any regard to the
+style of the person purchasing goods. If it is the fashion
+it must be worn, though it may greatly exaggerate a slight
+personal defect, or conceal or mar what would otherwise
+be a beauty. It requires the exercise of some judgment
+to decide how far an individual may follow the dictates
+of fashion, in order to avoid the appearance of eccentricity,
+and yet wear what is peculiarly becoming to her
+own face or figure. Another fault of our fair countrywomen
+is their extravagance in dress. No better advice
+can be given to a young person than to dress always according
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_22" id="Pg_22">[22]</a></span>
+to her circumstances. She will be more respected
+with a simple wardrobe, if it is known either
+that she is dependent upon her own exertions for support,
+or is saving a husband or father from unnecessary outlay,
+than if she wore the most costly fabrics, and by so doing
+incurred debt or burdened her relatives with heavy, unwarrantable
+expense. If neatness, consistency, and
+good taste, preside over the wardrobe of a lady, expensive
+fabrics will not be needed; for with the simplest
+materials, harmony of color, accurate fitting to the figure,
+and perfect neatness, she will always appear well dressed.</p>
+
+<h3>GENERAL RULES.</h3>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Neatness</span>&mdash;This is the first of all rules to be observed
+with regard to dress. Perfect cleanliness and
+careful adjustment of each article in the dress are indispensable
+in a finished toilet. Let the hair be always
+smooth and becomingly arranged, each article exquisitely
+clean, neat collar and sleeves, and tidy shoes and stockings,
+and the simplest dress will appear well, while a
+torn or soiled collar, rough hair, or untidy feet will entirely
+ruin the effect of the most costly and elaborate
+dress. The many articles required in a lady's wardrobe
+make a neat arrangement of her drawers and closets
+necessary, and also require care in selecting and keeping
+goods in proper order. A fine collar or lace, if tumbled
+or soiled, will lose its beauty when contrasted with the
+same article in the coarsest material perfectly pure and
+smooth. Each article of dress, when taken off, should
+be placed carefully and smoothly in its proper place.
+Nice dresses should be hung up by a loop on the inside<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_23" id="Pg_23">[23]</a></span>
+of the waistband, with the skirts turned inside out, and
+the body turned inside of the skirt. Cloaks should hang
+in smooth folds from a loop on the inside of the neck.
+Shawls should be always folded in the creases in which
+they were purchased. All fine articles, lace, embroidery,
+and handkerchiefs, should be placed by themselves in a
+drawer, always laid out smoothly, and kept from dust.
+Furs should be kept in a box, alone, and in summer
+carefully packed, with a quantity of lump camphor to
+protect from moths. The bonnet should always rest
+upon a stand in the band-box, as the shape and trimming
+will both be injured by letting it lie either on the face,
+sides, or crown.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Adaptiveness</span>&mdash;Let each dress worn by a lady be
+suitable to the occasion upon which she wears it. A
+toilet may be as offensive to good taste and propriety by
+being too elaborate, as by being slovenly. Never wear
+a dress which is out of place or out of season under the
+impression that "it will do for once," or "nobody will
+notice it." It is in as bad taste to receive your morning
+calls in an elaborate evening dress, as it would be to attend
+a ball in your morning wrapper.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Harmony</span>&mdash;To appear well dressed without harmony,
+both in color and materials, is impossible. When arranging
+any dress, whether for home, street, or evening,
+be careful that each color harmonizes well with the rest,
+and let no one article, by its glaring costliness, make all
+the rest appear mean. A costly lace worn over a thin,
+flimsy silk, will only make the dress appear poorer, not,
+as some suppose, hide its defects. A rich trimming
+looks as badly upon a cheap dress, as a mean one does<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_24" id="Pg_24">[24]</a></span>
+upon an expensive fabric. Observe this rule always in
+purchasing goods. One costly article will entirely ruin
+the harmony in a dress, which, without it, though plain
+and inexpensive, would be becoming and beautiful. Do
+not save on the dress or cloak to buy a more elaborate
+bonnet, but let the cost be well equalized and the effect
+will be good. A plain merino or dark silk, with a cloth
+cloak, will look much better than the most expensive
+velvet cloak over a cheap delaine dress.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Fashion</span>&mdash;Do not be too submissive to the dictates of
+fashion; at the same time avoid oddity or eccentricity
+in your dress. There are some persons who will follow,
+in defiance of taste and judgment, the fashion to its
+most extreme point; this is a sure mark of vulgarity.
+Every new style of dress will admit of adaptation to individual
+cases, thus producing a pleasing, as well as
+fashionable effect. Not only good taste, but health is
+often sacrificed to the silly error of dressing in the extreme
+of fashion. Be careful to have your dress comfortable
+and becoming, and let the prevailing mode come
+into secondary consideration; avoiding, always, the other
+extreme of oddity or eccentricity in costume.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Style and form of dress</span>&mdash;Be always careful when
+making up the various parts of your wardrobe, that each
+article fits you accurately. Not in the outside garments
+alone must this rule be followed, an ill-fitting pair of
+corsets, or wrinkles in any other article of the under-clothes,
+will make a dress set badly, even if it has been
+itself fitted with the utmost accuracy. A stocking which
+is too large, will make the boot uncomfortably tight, and
+too small will compress the foot, making the shoe loose<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_25" id="Pg_25">[25]</a></span>
+and untidy. In a dress, no outlay upon the material will
+compensate for a badly fitting garment. A cheap calico
+made to fit the form accurately and easily, will give the
+wearer a more lady-like air than the richest silk which
+either wrinkles or is too tightly strained over the figure.
+Collars or sleeves, pinned over or tightly strained to
+meet, will entirely mar the effect of the prettiest dress.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Economy</span>&mdash;And by economy I do not mean mere
+cheapness. To buy a poor, flimsy fabric merely because
+the price is low, is extravagance, not economy; still
+worse if you buy articles because they are offered cheap,
+when you have no use for them. In purchasing goods
+for the wardrobe, let each material be the best of its
+kind. The same amount of sewing that is put into a
+good material, must be put into a poor one, and, as the
+latter will very soon wash or wear out, there must be another
+one to supply its place, purchased and made up,
+when, by buying a good article at first, this time and
+labor might have been saved. A good, strong material
+will be found cheapest in the end, though the actual expenditure
+of money may be larger at first.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Comfort</span>&mdash;Many ladies have to trace months of severe
+suffering to an improper disregard of comfort, in
+preparing their wardrobe, or in exposure after they are
+dressed. The most exquisite ball costume will never
+compensate for the injury done by tight lacing, the
+prettiest foot is dearly paid for by the pain a tight boot
+entails, and the most graceful effects will not prevent
+suffering from exposure to cold. A light ball dress and
+exquisite arrangement of the hair, too often make the
+wearer dare the inclemency of the coldest night, by<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_26" id="Pg_26">[26]</a></span>
+wearing a light shawl or hood, to prevent crushing delicate
+lace or flowers. Make it a fixed rule to have the
+head, feet, and chest well protected when going to a
+party, even at the risk of a crushed flower or a stray
+curl. Many a fair head has been laid in a coffin, a
+victim to consumption, from rashly venturing out of a
+heated ball room, flushed and excited, with only a light
+protection against keen night air. The excitement of
+the occasion may prevent immediate discomfort in such
+cases, but it adds to the subsequent danger.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Details</span>&mdash;Be careful always that the details of your
+dress are perfectly finished in every point. The small
+articles of a wardrobe require constant care to keep in
+perfect order, yet they will wofully revenge themselves
+if neglected. Let the collar, handkerchief, boots, gloves,
+and belts be always whole, neat, and adapted to the
+dress. A lace collar will look as badly over a chintz
+dress, as a linen one would with velvet, though each may
+be perfect of its kind. Attention to these minor points
+are sure tests of taste in a lady's dress. A shabby or
+ill fitting boot or glove will ruin the most elaborate
+walking dress, while one of much plainer make and
+coarser fabric will be becoming and lady-like, if all the
+details are accurately fitted, clean, and well put on. In
+arranging a dress for every occasion, be careful that
+there is no missing string, hook, or button, that the folds
+hang well, and that every part is even and properly adjusted.
+Let the skirts hang smoothly, the outside ones
+being always about an inch longer than the under ones;
+let the dress set smoothly, carefully hooked or buttoned;
+let the collar fit neatly, and be fastened firmly and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_27" id="Pg_27">[27]</a></span>
+smoothly at the throat; let shoes and stockings be whole,
+clean, and fit nicely; let the hair be smooth and glossy,
+the skin pure, and the colors and fabric of your dress
+harmonize and be suitable for the occasion, and you will
+always appear both lady-like and well-dressed.</p>
+
+<h3>HOME DRESSES.</h3>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Morning Dress</span>&mdash;The most suitable dress for breakfast,
+is a wrapper made to fit the figure loosely, and the
+material, excepting when the winter weather requires
+woolen goods, should be of chintz, gingham, brilliante,
+or muslin. A lady who has children, or one accustomed
+to perform for herself light household duties, will soon
+find the advantage of wearing materials that will wash.
+A large apron of domestic gingham, which can be taken
+off, if the wearer is called to see unexpected visiters, will
+protect the front of the dress, and save washing the
+wrapper too frequently. If a lady's domestic duties require
+her attention for several hours in the morning,
+whilst her list of acquaintances is large, and she has
+frequent morning calls, it is best to dress for callers before
+breakfast, and wear over this dress a loose sack and
+skirt of domestic gingham. This, while protecting the
+dress perfectly, can be taken off at a moment's notice if
+callers are announced. Married ladies often wear a cap
+in the morning, and lately, young girls have adopted the
+fashion. It is much better to let the hair be perfectly
+smooth, requiring no cap, which is often worn to conceal
+the lazy, slovenly arrangement of the hair. A few moments
+given to making the hair smooth and presentable
+without any covering, will not be wasted. Slippers of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_28" id="Pg_28">[28]</a></span>
+embroidered cloth are prettiest with a wrapper, and in
+summer black morocco is the most suitable for the house
+in the morning.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Dress for Morning Visits</span>&mdash;A lady should never
+receive her morning callers in a wrapper, unless they call
+at an unusually early hour, or some unexpected demand
+upon her time makes it impossible to change her dress
+after breakfast. On the other hand, an elaborate costume
+before dinner is in excessively bad taste. The
+dress should be made to fit the figure neatly, finished at
+the throat and wrists by an embroidered collar and cuffs,
+and, unless there is a necessity for it, in loss of the hair
+or age, there should be no cap or head dress worn. A
+wrapper made with handsome trimming, open over a
+pretty white skirt, may be worn with propriety; but the
+simple dress worn for breakfast, or in the exercise of
+domestic duties, is not suitable for the parlor when receiving
+visits of ceremony in the morning.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Evening Dress</span>&mdash;The home evening dress should be
+varied according to circumstances. If no visitor is expected,
+the dress worn in the morning is suitable for the
+evening; but to receive visitors, it should be of lighter
+material, and a light head-dress may be worn. For
+young ladies, at home, ribbon or velvet are the most
+suitable materials for a head-dress. Flowers, unless
+they be natural ones in summer, are in very bad taste,
+excepting in cases where a party of invited guests are
+expected. Dark silk in winter, and thin material in
+summer, make the most suitable dresses for evening, and
+the reception of the chance-guests ladies in society may
+usually expect.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_29" id="Pg_29">[29]</a></span>
+<span class="smcap">Walking Dresses</span>&mdash;Walking dresses, to be in good
+taste, should be of quiet colors, and never conspicuous.
+Browns, modes, and neutral tints, with black and white,
+make the prettiest dresses for the street. Above all,
+avoid wearing several bright colors. One may be worn
+with perfect propriety to take off the sombre effect of a
+dress of brown or black, but do not let it be too glaring,
+and wear but little of it. Let the boots be sufficiently
+strong and thick to protect the feet from damp or dust,
+and wear always neat, clean, nicely fitting gloves. The
+entire effect of the most tasteful costume will be ruined
+if attention is not paid to the details of dress. A soiled
+bonnet cap, untidy strings, or torn gloves and collar will
+utterly spoil the prettiest costume. There is no surer
+mark of vulgarity than over dressing or gay dressing in
+the street. Let the materials be of the costliest kind,
+if you will, but do not either wear the exaggerations of
+the fashion, or conspicuous colors. Let good taste dictate
+the limits where fashion may rule, and let the colors
+harmonize well, and be of such tints as will not attract
+attention.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">For Morning Calls</span>&mdash;The dress should be plain,
+and in winter furs and dark gloves may be worn.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">For Bridal Calls</span>&mdash;The dress should be of light
+silk, the bonnet dressy, and either a rich shawl or light
+cloak; no furs, and light gloves. In summer, a lace or
+silk mantle and white gloves should be worn.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Shopping Dresses</span>&mdash;Should be of such material as
+will bear the crush of a crowded store without injury,
+and neither lace or delicate fabrics should ever be worn.
+A dress of merino in winter, with a cloth cloak and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_30" id="Pg_30">[30]</a></span>
+plain velvet or silk bonnet is the most suitable. In
+summer, a dress and cloak of plain mode-colored Lavella
+cloth, or any other cool but strong fabric, with a simply
+trimmed straw bonnet, is the best dress for a shopping
+excursion.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Storm Dresses</span>&mdash;A lady who is obliged to go out
+frequently in bad weather, will find it both a convenience
+and economy to have a storm dress. Both dress and
+cloak should be made of a woolen material, (varying of
+course with the season,) which will shed water. White
+skirts are entirely out of place, as, if the dress is held
+up, they will be in a few moments disgracefully dirty.
+A woolen skirt, made quite short, to clear the muddy
+streets, is the proper thing. Stout, thick-soled boots,
+and gloves of either silk, beaver-cloth, or lisle thread,
+are the most suitable. The bonnet should be either of
+straw or felt, simply trimmed; and, above all, carry a
+<em>large</em> umbrella. The little light umbrellas are very
+pretty, no doubt, but to be of any real protection in a
+storm, the umbrella should be large enough to protect
+the whole dress.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Marketing</span>&mdash;Here a dress of the most inexpensive
+kind is the best. There is no surer mark of vulgarity,
+than a costly dress in the market. A chintz is the best
+skirt to wear, and in winter a dark chintz skirt put on
+over a delaine dress, will protect it from baskets, and
+the unavoidable soils contracted in a market, while it
+looks perfectly well, and can be washed if required.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Traveling</span>&mdash;Traveling dresses should be made always
+of some quiet color, perfectly plain, with a deep mantle
+or cloak of the same material. When traveling with a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_31" id="Pg_31">[31]</a></span>
+young babe, a dress of material that will wash is the
+best, but it should be dark and plain. A conspicuous
+traveling dress is in very bad taste, and jewelry or ornaments
+of any kind are entirely out of place. Let the
+dress be made of dark, plain material, with a simple
+straw or felt bonnet, trimmed with the same color as the
+dress, and a thick barege veil. An elastic string run
+through a tuck made in the middle of the veil, will allow
+one half to fall over the face, while the other half falls
+back, covering the bonnet, and protecting it from dust.
+If white collars and sleeves are worn, they should be of
+linen, perfectly plain. Strong boots and thick gloves
+are indispensable in traveling, and a heavy shawl should
+be carried, to meet any sudden change in the weather.
+Corsets and petticoats of dark linen are more suitable
+than white ones, as there is so much unavoidable dust
+and mud constantly meeting a traveler.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Evening Dresses</span>&mdash;Must be governed by the number
+of guests you may expect to meet, and the character of
+the entertainment to which you are invited. For small
+social companies, a dark silk in winter, and a pretty
+lawn, barege, or white muslin in summer, are the most
+appropriate. A light head-dress of ribbon or velvet, or
+a plain cap, are the most suitable with this dress. For
+a larger party, low-necked, short-sleeved silk, light colored,
+or any of the thin goods made expressly for evening
+wear, with kid gloves, either of a color to match the
+dress or of white; black lace mittens are admissible, and
+flowers in the hair. A ball dress should be made of either
+very dressy silk, or light, thin material made over silk.
+It should be trimmed with lace, flowers, or ribbon, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_32" id="Pg_32">[32]</a></span>
+made dressy. The <i>coiffure</i> should be elaborate, and
+match the dress, being either of ribbon, feather, or
+flowers. White kid gloves, trimmed to match the dress,
+and white or black satin slippers, with silk stockings,
+must be worn.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mourning</span>&mdash;There is such a variety of opinion upon
+the subject of mourning, that it is extremely difficult to
+lay down any general rules upon the subject. Some
+wear very close black for a long period, for a distant
+relative; whilst others will wear dressy mourning for a
+short time in a case of death in the immediate family.
+There is no rule either for the depth of mourning, or the
+time when it may be laid aside, and I must confine my
+remarks to the different degrees of mourning.</p>
+
+<p>For deep mourning, the dress should be of bombazine,
+Parramatta cloth, delaine, barege, or merino, made up
+over black lining. The only appropriate trimming is a
+deep fold, either of the same material or of crape. The
+shawl or cloak must be of plain black, without border or
+trimming, unless a fold of crape be put on the cloak; the
+bonnet should be of crape, made perfectly plain, with
+crape facings, unless the widow's cap be worn, and a
+deep crape veil should be thrown over both face and
+bonnet. Black crape collar and sleeves, and black boots
+and gloves. The next degree is to wear white collar
+and sleeves, a bow of crape upon the bonnet, and
+plain white lace facings, leaving off the crape veil, and
+substituting one of plain black net. A little later, black
+silk without any gloss, trimmed with crape, may be worn,
+and delaine or bombazine, with a trimming of broad,
+plain ribbon, or a bias fold of silk. The next stage admits
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_33" id="Pg_33">[33]</a></span>
+a silk bonnet trimmed with crape, and lead color,
+dark purple, or white figures on the dress. From this
+the mourning passes into second mourning. Here a
+straw bonnet, trimmed with black ribbon or crape
+flowers, or a silk bonnet with black flowers on the outside,
+and white ones in the face, a black silk dress, and
+gray shawl or cloak, may be worn. Lead color, purple,
+lavender, and white, are all admissible in second mourning,
+and the dress may be lightened gradually, a white
+bonnet, shawl, and light purple or lavender dress, being
+the dress usually worn last, before the mourning is
+thrown aside entirely, and colors resumed. It is especially
+to be recommended to buy always the best materials
+when making up mourning. Crape and woolen
+goods of the finest quality are very expensive, but a
+cheaper article will wear miserably; there is no greater
+error in economy than purchasing cheap mourning, for
+no goods are so inferior, or wear out and grow rusty so
+soon.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_34" id="Pg_34">[34]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_III" id="CHPTR_III"></a>CHAPTER III.<br />
+<span class="subttl">TRAVELING.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>There is no situation in which a lady is more exposed
+than when she travels, and there is no position where a
+dignified, lady-like deportment is more indispensable and
+more certain to command respect. If you travel under
+the escort of a gentleman, give him as little trouble as
+possible; at the same time, do not interfere with the arrangements
+he may make for your comfort. It is best,
+when starting upon your journey, to hand your escort a
+sufficient sum of money to cover all your expenses, retaining
+your pocket book in case you should wish to use
+it. Have a strong pocket made in your upper petticoat,
+and in that carry your money, only reserving in your
+dress pocket a small sum for incidental expenses. In
+your traveling satchel carry an oil skin bag, containing
+your sponge, tooth and nail brushes, and some soap;
+have also a calico bag, with hair brush and comb, some
+pins, hair pins, a small mirror, and some towels. In
+this satchel carry also some crackers, or sandwiches, if
+you will be long enough upon the road to need a
+luncheon.</p>
+
+<p>In your carpet bag, carry a large shawl, and if you<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_35" id="Pg_35">[35]</a></span>
+will travel by night, or stop where it will be inconvenient
+to open your trunks, carry your night clothes, and what
+clean linen you may require, in the carpet bag. It is
+best to have your name and address engraved upon the
+plate of your carpet bag, and to sew a white card, with
+your name and the address to which you are traveling, in
+clear, plain letters upon it. If you carry a novel or any
+other reading, it is best to carry the book in your satchel,
+and not open the carpet bag until you are ready for the
+night. If you are to pass the night in the cars, carry a
+warm woolen or silk hood, that you may take off your
+bonnet at night. No one can sleep comfortably in a
+bonnet. Carry also, in this case, a large shawl to wrap
+round your feet.</p>
+
+<p>One rule to be always observed in traveling is punctuality.
+Rise early enough to have ample time for arranging
+everything needful for the day's journey. If
+you sleep upon the boat, or at a hotel, always give directions
+to the servant to waken you at an hour sufficiently
+early to allow ample time for preparation. It is
+better to be all ready twenty minutes too soon, than five
+minutes late, or even late enough to be annoyed and
+heated by hurrying at the last moment.</p>
+
+<p>A lady will always dress plainly when traveling. A
+gay dress, or finery of any sort, when in a boat, stage,
+or car, lays a woman open to the most severe misconstruction.
+Wear always neutral tints, and have the material
+made up plainly and substantially, but avoid carefully
+any article of dress that is glaring or conspicuous.
+Above all, never wear jewelry, (unless it be your watch,)
+or flowers; they are both in excessively bad taste. A<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_36" id="Pg_36">[36]</a></span>
+quiet, unpretending dress, and dignified demeanor, will
+insure for a lady respect, though she travel alone from
+Maine to Florida.</p>
+
+<p>If you are obliged to pass the night upon a steamboat
+secure, if possible, a stateroom. You will find the
+luxury of being alone, able to retire and rise without
+witnesses, fully compensates for the extra charge. Before
+you retire, find out the position and number of the
+stateroom occupied by your escort, in case you wish to
+find him during the night. In times of terror, from accident
+or danger, such care will be found invaluable.</p>
+
+<p>You may not be able to obtain a stateroom upon all
+occasions when traveling, and must then sleep in the
+ladies' cabin. It is best, in this case, to take off the
+dress only, merely loosening the stays and skirts, and,
+unless you are sick, you may sit up to read until quite a
+late hour. Never allow your escort to accompany you
+into the cabin. The saloon is open always to both ladies
+and gentlemen, and the cabin is for ladies <em>alone</em>. Many
+ladies are sufficiently ill-bred to ask a husband or brother
+into the cabin, and keep him there talking for an hour
+or two, totally overlooking the fact that by so doing she
+may be keeping others, suffering, perhaps, with sickness,
+from removing their dresses to lie down. Such conduct
+is not only excessively ill-bred, but intensely selfish.</p>
+
+<p>There is scarcely any situation in which a lady can be
+placed, more admirably adapted to test her good breeding,
+than in the sleeping cabin of a steam-boat. If you
+are so unfortunate as to suffer from sea-sickness, your
+chances for usefulness are limited, and patient suffering
+your only resource. In this case, never leave home<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_37" id="Pg_37">[37]</a></span>
+without a straw-covered bottle of brandy, and another
+of camphor, in your carpet-bag. If you are not sick,
+be very careful not to keep the chambermaid from those
+who are suffering; should you require her services, dismiss
+her as soon as possible. As acquaintances, formed
+during a journey, are not recognized afterwards, unless
+mutually agreeable, do not refuse either a pleasant word
+or any little offer of service from your companions; and,
+on the other hand, be ready to aid them, if in your
+power. In every case, selfishness is the root of all ill-breeding,
+and it is never more conspicuously displayed
+than in traveling. A courteous manner, and graceful
+offer of service are valued highly when offered, and the
+giver loses nothing by her civility.</p>
+
+<p>When in the car if you find the exertion of talking
+painful, say so frankly; your escort cannot be offended.
+Do not continually pester either your companion or the
+conductor with questions, such as "Where are we now?"
+"When shall we arrive?" If you are wearied, this impatience
+will only make the journey still more tedious.
+Try to occupy yourself with looking at the country
+through which you are passing, or with a book.</p>
+
+<p>If you are traveling without any escort, speak to the
+conductor before you start, requesting him to attend to
+you whilst in the car or boat under his control. Sit
+quietly in the cars when they reach the depot until the
+first bustle is over, and then engage a porter to procure
+for you a hack, and get your baggage. If upon a boat,
+let one of the servants perform this office, being careful
+to fee him for it. Make an engagement with the hackman,
+to take you only in his hack, and enquire his<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_38" id="Pg_38">[38]</a></span>
+charge before starting. In this way you avoid unpleasant
+company during your drive, and overcharge at the end
+of it.</p>
+
+<p>If you expect a friend to meet you at the end of your
+journey, sit near the door of the steam-boat saloon, or
+in the ladies' room at the car depot, that he may find you
+easily.</p>
+
+<p>There are many little civilities which a true gentleman
+will offer to a lady traveling alone, which she may accept,
+even from an entire stranger, with perfect propriety;
+but, while careful to thank him courteously, whether you
+accept or decline his attentions, avoid any advance towards
+acquaintanceship. If he sits near you and seems
+disposed to be impertinent, or obtrusive in his attentions
+or conversation, lower your veil and turn from him,
+either looking from the window or reading. A dignified,
+modest reserve is the surest way to repel impertinence.
+If you find yourself, during your journey, in any awkward
+or embarrassing situation, you may, without impropriety,
+request the assistance of a gentleman, even a
+stranger, and he will, probably, perform the service requested,
+receive your thanks, and then relieve you of his
+presence. Never, upon any account, or under any provocation,
+return rudeness by rudeness. Nothing will rebuke
+incivility in another so surely as perfect courtesy in your
+own manner. Many will be shamed into apology, who
+would annoy you for hours, if you encouraged them by
+acts of rudeness on your own part.</p>
+
+<p>In traveling alone, choose, if possible, a seat next to
+another lady, or near an elderly gentleman. If your
+neighbor seems disposed to shorten the time by conversing,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_39" id="Pg_39">[39]</a></span>
+do not be too hasty in checking him. Such acquaintances
+end with the journey, and a lady can always
+so deport herself that she may beguile the time pleasantly,
+without, in the least, compromising her dignity.</p>
+
+<p>Any slight attention, or an apology made for crushing
+or incommoding you, is best acknowledged by a courteous
+bow, in silence.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_40" id="Pg_40">[40]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_IV" id="CHPTR_IV"></a>CHAPTER IV.<br />
+<span class="subttl">HOW TO BEHAVE AT A HOTEL.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>In America, where the mania for traveling extends
+through all classes, from the highest to the lowest, a few
+hints upon deportment at a hotel will not be amiss, and
+these hints are especially addressed to ladies traveling
+alone.</p>
+
+<p>When you arrive at the hotel, enquire at once for the
+proprietor. Tell him your name and address, and ask
+him to conduct you to a good room, naming the length
+of time you purpose occupying it. You may also request
+him to wait upon you to the table, and allot you a
+seat. As the hours for meals, at a large hotel, are very
+numerous, it is best to mention the time when you wish
+to breakfast, dine, or sup. If you stay more than one
+day at the hotel, do not tax the proprietor with the duty
+of escorting you to the table more than once. Request
+one of the waiters always to meet you as you enter, and
+wait upon you to your seat. This saves the embarrassment
+of crossing the room entirely unattended, while it
+shows others that you are a resident at the house. The
+waiter will then take your order for the dishes you wish.
+Give this order in a low tone, and do not harass the man<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_41" id="Pg_41">[41]</a></span>
+by contradicting yourself several times; decide what
+you want before you ask for it, and then give your order
+quietly but distinctly. Use, always, the butter-knife,
+salt-spoon, and sugar-tongs, though you may be entirely
+alone in the use of them. The attention to the small
+details of table etiquette is one of the surest marks of
+good breeding. If any trifling civility is offered by the
+gentleman beside you, or opposite to you, thank him
+civilly, if you either accept or decline it. Thank the
+waiter for any extra attention he may offer.</p>
+
+<p>Remember that a lady-like deportment is always
+modest and quiet. If you meet a friend at table, and
+converse, let it be in a tone of voice sufficiently loud for
+him to hear, but not loud enough to reach ears for which
+the remarks are not intended. A boisterous, loud voice,
+loud laughter, and bold deportment, at a hotel, are sure
+signs of vulgar breeding.</p>
+
+<p>When you have finished your meal, cross the room
+quietly; if you go into the parlor, do not attract attention
+by a hasty entrance, or forward manner, but take
+the seat you may select, quietly.</p>
+
+<p>The acquaintances made in a hotel may be dropped
+afterwards, if desirable, without rudeness, and a pleasant
+greeting to other ladies whom you may recognize from
+meeting them in the entries or at table, is courteous and
+well-bred; be careful, however, not to force attentions
+where you see they are not agreeably received.</p>
+
+<p>A lady's dress, when alone at a hotel, should be of the
+most modest kind. At breakfast let her wear a close,
+morning dress, and never, even at supper, appear alone
+at the table with bare arms or neck. If she comes in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_42" id="Pg_42">[42]</a></span>
+late from the opera or a party, in full dress, she should
+not come into the supper-room, unless her escort accompanies
+her. A traveling or walking-dress can be worn
+with perfect propriety, at any meal at a hotel, as it is
+usually travelers who are the guests at the table.</p>
+
+<p>After breakfast, pass an hour or two in the parlor,
+unless you are going out, whilst the chambermaid puts
+your room in order. You should, before leaving the
+room, lock your trunk, and be careful not to leave
+money or trinkets lying about. When you go out, lock
+your door, and give the key to the servant to hand to
+the clerk of the office, who will give it to you when you
+return. You may do this, even if you leave the room in
+disorder, as the chambermaids all carry duplicate keys,
+and can easily enter your room in your absence to arrange
+it. The door should not be left open, as dishonest
+persons, passing along the entry, could enter without
+fear of being questioned.</p>
+
+<p>If you see that another lady, though she may be an
+entire stranger, is losing her collar, or needs attention
+called to any disorder in her dress, speak to her in a low
+tone, and offer to assist her in remedying the difficulty.</p>
+
+<p>Be careful always in opening a door or raising a window
+in a public parlor, that you are not incommoding
+any one else.</p>
+
+<p>Never sit down to the piano uninvited, unless you are
+alone in the parlor. Do not take any book you may
+find in the room away from it.</p>
+
+<p>It is best always to carry writing materials with you,
+but if this is not convenient, you can always obtain
+them at the office.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_43" id="Pg_43">[43]</a></span>
+In a strange city it is best to provide yourself with a
+small map and guide book, that you may be able to find
+your way from the hotel to any given point, without
+troubling any one for directions.</p>
+
+<p>If you wish for a carriage, ring, and let the waiter
+order one for you.</p>
+
+<p>When leaving a hotel, if you have been there for
+several days, give the waiter at table, and the chambermaid,
+a fee, as your unprotected situation will probably
+call for many services out of their regular routine of
+duties.</p>
+
+<p>On leaving, ring, order your bill, pay it, state the
+time at which you wish to leave, and the train you will
+take to leave the city. Request a man to be sent, to
+carry your baggage to the hack; and if you require your
+next meal at an unusual hour, to be ready for your
+journey, order it then.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_44" id="Pg_44">[44]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_V" id="CHPTR_V"></a>CHAPTER V.<br />
+<span class="subttl">EVENING PARTIES.</span><br />
+<span class="subttl2">ETIQUETTE FOR THE HOSTESS.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>The most fashionable as well as pleasant way in the
+present day, to entertain guests, is to invite them to
+evening parties, which vary in size from the "company,"
+"sociable," "soirée," to the party, <i>par excellence</i>, which
+is but one step from the ball.</p>
+
+<p>The entertainment upon such occasions, may vary with
+the taste of the hostess, or the caprice of her guests.
+Some prefer dancing, some music, some conversation.
+Small parties called together for dramatic or poetical
+readings, are now fashionable, and very delightful.</p>
+
+<p>In writing an invitation for a small party, it is kind,
+as well as polite, to specify the number of guests invited,
+that your friends may dress to suit the occasion. To be
+either too much, or too little dressed at such times is
+embarrassing.</p>
+
+<p>For large parties, the usual formula is:</p>
+
+<div class="blocks">
+<p><i>Miss S&mdash;&mdash;'s compliments to Miss G&mdash;&mdash;, and requests
+the pleasure of her company for Wednesday, March 8th,
+at 8 o'clock.</i></p>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_45" id="Pg_45">[45]</a></span></p><p>Such an invitation, addressed either to an intimate
+friend or mere acquaintance, will signify full dress.</p>
+
+<p>If your party is a musical soirée, or your friends meet
+for reading or conversation alone, say so in your invitation,
+as&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blocks"><p><i>Miss S&mdash;&mdash; requests the pleasure of Miss G&mdash;&mdash;'s company,
+on Thursday evening next, at 8 o'clock, to meet the
+members of the musical club, to which Miss S&mdash;&mdash; belongs</i>;</p>
+
+<p class="center">or,</p>
+
+<p><i>Miss S&mdash;&mdash; expects a few friends, on Monday evening
+next, at 8 o'clock, to take part in some dramatic readings,
+and would be happy to have Miss G&mdash;&mdash; join the party.</i></p></div>
+
+<p>Always date your note of invitation, and put your
+address in one corner.</p>
+
+<p>Having dispatched these notes, the next step is to
+prepare to receive your guests. If the number invited is
+large, and you hire waiters, give them notice several
+days beforehand, and engage them to come in the
+morning. Give them full directions for the supper, appoint
+one to open the door, another to show the guests to
+the dressing rooms, and a third to wait in the gentlemen's
+dressing-room, to attend to them, if their services
+are required.</p>
+
+<p>If you use your own plate, glass, and china, show the
+waiters where to find them, as well as the table cloths, napkins,
+and other things they may require. If you hire
+the service from the confectioner's or restaurateur's where
+you order your supper, you have only to show your
+waiters where to spread supper, and tell them the hour.</p>
+
+<p>You will have to place at least four rooms at the disposal
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_46" id="Pg_46">[46]</a></span>of your guests&mdash;the supper room, and two dressing-rooms,
+beside the drawing-room.</p>
+
+<p>In the morning, see that the fires in your rooms are
+in good order; and in the drawing-room, it is best to
+have it so arranged that the heat can be lessened towards
+evening, as the crowd, and dancing, will make it excessively
+uncomfortable if the rooms are too warm. See
+that the lights are in good order, and if you propose to
+have music instead of dancing, or to use your piano for
+dancing music, have it put in good tune in the morning.
+If you intend to dance, and do not wish to take up the
+carpets, you will find it economical, as well as much
+pleasanter, to cover them with coarse white muslin or
+linen; be sure it is fastened down smoothly, firmly, and
+drawn tightly over the carpets.</p>
+
+<p>Do not remove all the chairs from the parlor; or, if
+this is necessary, leave some in the hall, for those who
+wish to rest after dancing.</p>
+
+<p>In the dining-room, unless it will accommodate all
+your guests at once, have a silk cord so fastened that,
+when the room is full, it can be drawn across the door-way;
+those following the guests already in the room,
+will then return to the parlor, and wait their turn. A
+still better way, is to set the supper table twice, inviting
+the married and elderly people to go into the first table,
+and then, after it is ready for the second time, let the
+young folks go up.</p>
+
+<p>Two dressing-rooms must be ready; one for the ladies,
+and the other for the gentlemen. Have both these
+rooms comfortably heated, and well lighted. Nothing
+can be more disagreeable than cold, ill-lighted rooms to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_47" id="Pg_47">[47]</a></span>
+dress in, particularly if your guests come in half-frozen
+by the cold of a winter's night, or still worse, damp from
+a stormy one.</p>
+
+<p>Be sure that there is plenty of water, soap and towels
+on the washstand, two or three brushes and combs on the
+bureau, two mirrors, one large and one small, and a pin
+cushion, well filled with large and small pins.</p>
+
+<p>In the ladies' room, have one, or if your party is large,
+two women to wait upon your guests; to remove their
+cloaks, overshoes, and hoods, and assist them in smoothing
+their dresses or hair. After each guest removes her
+shawl and hood, let one of the maids roll all the things
+she lays aside into a bundle, and put it where she can
+easily find it. It is an admirable plan, and prevents
+much confusion, to pin to each bundle, a card, or strip of
+paper, (previously prepared,) with the name of the person
+to whom it belongs written clearly and distinctly upon it.</p>
+
+<p>Upon the bureau in the ladies' room, have a supply of
+hair-pins, and a workbox furnished with everything
+requisite to repair any accident that may happen to the
+dress of a guest. It is well, also, to have Eau de
+Cologne, hartshorn, and salts, in case of sudden faintness.</p>
+
+<p>In the gentlemen's room, place a clothes brush and
+boot-jack.</p>
+
+<p>It is best to send out your invitations by your own
+servant, or one hired for that purpose especially. It is
+ill-bred to send invitations either by the dispatch, or
+through the post-office; and besides being discourteous,
+you risk offending your friends, as these modes of delivery
+are proverbially uncertain.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_48" id="Pg_48">[48]</a></span></p><p>Be dressed and ready to receive your guests in good
+season, as some, in their desire to be punctual, may come
+before the time appointed. It is better to be ready too
+soon, than too late, as your guests will feel painfully
+embarrassed if you are not ready to receive them.</p>
+
+<p>For the early part of the evening, take a position in
+your parlor, near or opposite to the door, that each guest
+may find you easily. It is not necessary to remain all
+the evening nailed to this one spot, but stay near it
+until your guests have all or nearly all assembled. Late
+comers will of course expect to find you entertaining
+your guests.</p>
+
+<p>As each guest or party enter the room, advance a few
+steps to meet them, speaking first to the lady, or if there
+are several ladies, to the eldest, then to the younger
+ones, and finally to the gentlemen. If the new comers
+are acquainted with those already in the room, they will
+leave you, after a few words of greeting, to join their
+friends; but if they are strangers to the city, or making
+their first visit to your house, introduce them to a friend
+who is well acquainted in your circle, who will entertain
+them till you can again join them and introduce them to
+others.</p>
+
+<p>Do not leave the room during the evening. To see
+a hostess fidgeting, constantly going in and out, argues
+ill for her tact in arranging the house for company.
+With well-trained waiters, you need give yourself no
+uneasiness about the arrangements outside of the parlors.</p>
+
+<p>The perfection of good breeding in a hostess, is perfect<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_49" id="Pg_49">[49]</a></span>
+ease of manner; for the time she should appear to have
+no thought or care beyond the pleasure of her guests.</p>
+
+<p>Have a waiter in the hall to open the front door, and
+another at the head of the first flight of stairs, to point
+out to the ladies and gentlemen their respective dressing-rooms.</p>
+
+<p>Never try to outshine your guests in dress. It is vulgar
+in the extreme. A hostess should be dressed as
+simply as is consistent with the occasion, wearing, if she
+will, the richest fabrics, exquisitely made, but avoiding
+any display of jewels or gay colors, such as will be,
+probably, more conspicuous than those worn by her
+guests.</p>
+
+<p>Remember, from the moment your first guest enters
+the parlor, you must forget yourself entirely to make
+the evening pleasant for others. Your duties will call
+you from one group to another, and require constant
+watchfulness that no one guest is slighted. Be careful
+that none of the company are left to mope alone from
+being unacquainted with other guests. Introduce gentlemen
+to ladies, and gentlemen to gentlemen, ladies to
+ladies.</p>
+
+<p>It requires much skill and tact to make a party for
+conversation only, go off pleasantly. You must invite
+only such guests as will mutually please, and you must
+be careful about introductions. If you have a literary
+lion upon your list, it is well to invite other lions to meet
+him or her, that the attention may not be constantly concentrated
+upon one person. Where you see a couple conversing
+slowly and wearily, stir them up with a few sprightly
+words, and introduce a new person, either to make a trio,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_50" id="Pg_50">[50]</a></span>
+or, as a substitute in the duet, carrying off the other one
+of the couple to find a more congenial companion elsewhere.
+Never interrupt an earnest or apparently interesting
+conversation. Neither party will thank you, even
+if you propose the most delightful substitute.</p>
+
+<p>If your party meet for reading, have a table with the
+books in the centre of the apartment, that will divide
+the room, those reading being on one side, the listeners
+on the other. Be careful here not to endeavor to shine
+above your guests, leaving to them the most prominent
+places, and taking, cheerfully, a subordinate place. On
+the other hand, if you are urged to display any talent
+you may possess in this way, remember your only desire
+is to please your guests, and if they are really desirous
+to listen to you, comply, gracefully and promptly, with
+their wishes.</p>
+
+<p>If you have dancing, and have not engaged a band, it
+is best to hire a pianist for the evening to play dancing
+music. You will find it exceedingly wearisome to play
+yourself all the evening, and it is ill-bred to ask any
+guest to play for others to dance. This victimizing of
+some obliging guest is only too common, but no true lady
+will ever be guilty of such rudeness. If there are
+several members of the family able and willing to play,
+let them divide this duty amongst them, or, if you wish
+to play yourself, do so. If any guest, in this case, offers
+to relieve you, accept their kindness for <em>one</em> dance only.
+Young people, who enjoy dancing, but who also play
+well, will often stay on the piano-stool all the evening,
+because their own good-nature will not allow them to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_51" id="Pg_51">[51]</a></span>
+complain, and their hostess wilfully, or through negligence,
+permits the tax.</p>
+
+<p>See that your guests are well provided with partners,
+introducing every gentleman and lady who dances, to
+one who will dance well with them. Be careful that
+none sit still through your negligence in providing partners.</p>
+
+<p>Do not dance yourself, when, by so doing, you are
+preventing a guest from enjoying that pleasure. If a
+lady is wanted to make up a set, then dance, or if, late
+in the evening, you have but few lady dancers left, but
+do not interfere with the pleasure in others. If invited,
+say that you do not wish to take the place of a guest
+upon the floor, and introduce the gentleman who invites
+you to some lady friend who dances.</p>
+
+<p>It is very pleasant in a dancing party to have ices
+<em>alone</em>, handed round at about ten o'clock, having supper
+set two or three hours later. They are very refreshing,
+when it would be too early to have the more substantial
+supper announced.</p>
+
+<p>It is very customary now, even in large parties, to
+have no refreshments but ice-cream, lemonade, and cake,
+or, in summer, fruit, cake, and ices. It is less troublesome,
+as well as less expensive, than a hot supper, and
+the custom will be a good one to adopt permanently.</p>
+
+<p>One word of warning to all hostesses. You can never
+know, when you place wine or brandy before your guests,
+whom you may be tempting to utter ruin. Better, far
+better, to have a reputation as strict, or mean, than by
+your example, or the temptation you offer, to have the
+sin upon your soul of having put poison before those<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_52" id="Pg_52">[52]</a></span>
+who partook of your hospitality. It is not necessary;
+hospitality and generosity do not require it, and you
+will have the approval of all who truly love you for
+your good qualities, if you resolutely refuse to have
+either wine or any other intoxicating liquor upon your
+supper-table.</p>
+
+<p>If the evening of your party is stormy, let a waiter
+stand in the vestibule with a <em>large</em> umbrella, to meet the
+ladies at the carriage door, and protect them whilst
+crossing the pavement and steps.</p>
+
+<p>When your guests take leave of you, it will be in the
+drawing-room, and let that farewell be final. Do not accompany
+them to the dressing-room, and never stop them
+in the hall for a last word. Many ladies do not like to
+display their "sortie du soirée" before a crowded room,
+and you will be keeping their escort waiting. Say farewell
+in the parlor, and do not repeat it.</p>
+
+<p>If your party is mixed, that is, conversation, dancing,
+and music are all mingled, remember it is your place to
+invite a guest to sing or play, and be careful not to offend
+any amateur performers by forgetting to invite them
+to favor the company. If they decline, never urge the
+matter. If the refusal proceeds from unwillingness or
+inability on that occasion, it is rude to insist; and if they
+refuse for the sake of being urged, they will be justly
+punished by a disappointment. If you have guests who,
+performing badly, will expect an invitation to play, sacrifice
+their desire to the good of the others, pass them by.
+It is torture to listen to bad music.</p>
+
+<p>Do not ask a guest to sing or play more than once.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_53" id="Pg_53">[53]</a></span>
+This is her fair share, and you have no right to tax her
+too severely to entertain your other guests. If, however,
+the performance is so pleasing that others ask for a
+repetition, then you too may request it, thanking the performer
+for the pleasure given.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_54" id="Pg_54">[54]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_VI" id="CHPTR_VI"></a>CHAPTER VI.<br />
+<span class="subttl">EVENING PARTIES.</span><br />
+<span class="subttl2">ETIQUETTE FOR THE GUEST.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>Upon receiving an invitation for an evening party,
+answer it immediately, that your hostess may know for
+how many guests she must provide. If, after accepting
+an invitation, any unforeseen event prevents your keeping
+the engagement, write a second note, containing your
+regrets. The usual form is:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blocks">
+<p><i>Miss G&mdash;&mdash; accepts with pleasure Miss S&mdash;&mdash;'s polite
+invitation for Monday next</i>;</p>
+
+<p class="center">or,</p>
+
+<p><i>Miss G&mdash;&mdash; regrets that a prior engagement will prevent
+her accepting Miss S&mdash;&mdash;'s kind invitation for Monday
+evening.</i></p></div>
+
+<p>Punctuality is a mark of politeness, if your invitation
+states the hour at which your hostess will be ready to
+welcome you. Do not be more than half an hour later
+than the time named, but if unavoidably detained, make<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_55" id="Pg_55">[55]</a></span>
+no apology when you meet your hostess; it will be in
+bad taste to speak of your want of punctuality.</p>
+
+<p>When you arrive at your friend's house, do not stop
+to speak to any one in the hall, or upon the stairs, but
+go immediately to the dressing room. The gentleman
+who accompanies you will go to the door of the lady's room,
+leave you, to remove his own hat and over-coat,
+and then return to the door to wait for you.</p>
+
+<p>In the dressing-room, do not push forward to the
+mirror if you see that others are before you there.
+Wait for your turn, then perform the needful arrangements
+of your toilette quickly, and re-join your escort
+as soon as possible. If you meet friends in the lady's-room,
+do not stop there to chat; you keep your escort
+waiting, and your friends will join you in the parlor a
+few moments later.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid all confidential communications or private remarks
+in the dressing-room. You may be overheard,
+and give pain or cause annoyance by your untimely conversation.</p>
+
+<p>When you enter the parlor, go immediately to your
+hostess, and speak to her; if the gentleman attending
+you is a stranger to the lady of the house, introduce him,
+and then join the other guests, as by delaying, to converse
+too long with your hostess, you may prevent her
+speaking to others who have arrived later than yourself.</p>
+
+<p>If you have no escort, you may with perfect propriety
+send for the master of the house, to wait upon you from
+the dressing-room to the parlor, and as soon as you have
+spoken to the hostess, thank your host and release him,
+as the same attention may be required by others.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_56" id="Pg_56">[56]</a></span>
+Again, when alone, if you meet a friend in the dressing-room,
+you may ask the privilege of entering the parlor
+with her and her escort; or, if she also is alone, there is
+no impropriety in <em>two</em> ladies going into the room unattended
+by a gentleman.</p>
+
+<p>While you maintain a cheerful deportment, avoid loud
+talking and laughing, and still more carefully avoid any
+action or gesture that may attract attention and make
+you conspicuous.</p>
+
+<p>When dressing for a party, while you show that you
+honor the occasion by a tasteful dress, avoid glaring
+colors, or any conspicuous ornament or style of costume.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid long tête-à-tête conversations; they are in bad
+taste, and to hold confidential communication, especially
+with gentlemen, is still worse.</p>
+
+<p>Do not make any display of affection for even your
+dearest friend; kissing in public, or embracing, are in
+bad taste. Walking with arms encircling waists, or
+such demonstrative tokens of love, are marks of low
+breeding.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid crossing the room alone, and never run, even
+if you feel embarrassed, and wish to cross quickly.</p>
+
+<p>If you are a musician, and certain that you will confer
+pleasure by a display of your talents, do not make a
+show of reluctance when invited to play or sing. Comply
+gracefully, and after one piece, leave the instrument.
+Be careful to avoid the appearance of wishing to be invited,
+and, above all, never hint that this would be
+agreeable. If your hostess has requested you to bring
+your notes, and you are dependent upon them, bring<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_57" id="Pg_57">[57]</a></span>
+them, and quietly place them on the music stand, or,
+still better, send them in the afternoon. It is a better
+plan, if you are called upon frequently to contribute
+in this way to the evening's amusement, to learn a
+few pieces so as to play them perfectly well without
+notes.</p>
+
+<p>Never attempt any piece before company, unless you
+are certain that you can play it without mistake or hesitation.
+When you have finished your song or piece,
+rise instantly from the piano stool, as your hostess
+may wish to invite another guest to take the place.
+If you have a reason for declining to play, do so
+decidedly when first invited, and do not change your
+decision.</p>
+
+<p>If your hostess or any of the family play for the
+guests to dance, it is both polite and kind to offer to relieve
+them; and if truly polite themselves, they will not
+take advantage of the offer, to <em>over</em> tax your good
+nature.</p>
+
+<p>When others are playing or singing, listen quietly and
+attentively; to laugh or talk loudly when there is music
+in the room, is rude, both toward the performer and your
+hostess. If you are conversing at the time the music
+begins, and you find that your companion is not disposed
+to listen to the performer at the harp or piano, converse
+in a low tone, and take a position at some distance from
+the instrument.</p>
+
+<p>If the rooms are not large enough for all the guests
+to dance at one time, do not dance every set, even if invited.
+It is ill-bred and selfish.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_58" id="Pg_58">[58]</a></span>
+When you go up to supper, do not accept anything
+from any gentleman but the one who has escorted you
+from the parlor. If others offer you, as they probably
+will, any refreshment, say that Mr. &mdash;&mdash; (naming your
+escort) has gone to get you what you desire. He has a
+right to be offended, if, after telling him what you wish
+for, he returns to find you already supplied. It is quite as
+rude to offer what he brings to another lady. Her escort
+is probably on the same errand from which yours
+has just returned. It may seem trivial and childish to
+warn a lady against putting cakes or bon-bons in her
+pocket at supper, yet it is often done by those who would
+deeply resent the accusation of rudeness or meanness.
+It is not only ill-bred, but it gives rise, if seen, to suspicions
+that you are so little accustomed to society, or so
+starved at home, that you are ignorant of the forms
+of etiquette, or are forced to the theft by positive
+hunger.</p>
+
+<p>If you are obliged to leave the company at an earlier
+hour than the other guests, say so to your hostess in a
+low tone, when you have an opportunity, and then stay
+a short time in the room, and slip out unperceived.
+By a formal leave-taking, you may lead others to
+suppose the hour later than it is in reality, and thus deprive
+your hostess of other guests, who, but for your
+example, would have remained longer. French leave
+is preferable to a formal leave-taking upon such occasions.</p>
+
+<p>If you remain until the usual hour for breaking
+up, go to your hostess before you leave the room, express
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_59" id="Pg_59">[59]</a></span>
+the pleasure you have enjoyed, and bid her
+farewell.</p>
+
+<p>Within the next week, you should call upon your
+hostess, if it is the first party you have attended at her
+house. If she is an intimate friend, the call should be
+made within a fortnight.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_60" id="Pg_60">[60]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_VII" id="CHPTR_VII"></a>CHAPTER VII.<br />
+<span class="subttl">VISITING.</span><br />
+<span class="subttl2">ETIQUETTE FOR THE HOSTESS.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>When you write to invite a friend to visit you, name
+a time when it will be convenient and agreeable for you
+to receive her, and if she accepts your invitation, so arrange
+your duties and engagements that they will not
+interfere with your devoting the principal part of your
+time to the entertainment of your guest. If you have
+certain duties which must be performed daily, say so
+frankly when she first arrives, and see that during the
+time you are so occupied she has work, reading, music,
+or some other employment, to pass the time away
+pleasantly.</p>
+
+<p>Have a room prepared especially for her use, and let
+her occupy it alone. Many persons have a dislike to
+any one sleeping with them, and will be kept awake by
+a companion in the room or bed. Above all, do not put
+a child to sleep in the chamber with your guest.</p>
+
+<p>The day before your friend arrives, have her room
+swept, dusted, and aired; put clean, fresh linen upon the
+bed, see that the curtains are in good order, the locks in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_61" id="Pg_61">[61]</a></span>
+perfect repair, and the closet or wardrobe and bureau
+empty for her clothes. Have upon the bureau a pin
+cushion well filled, hair pins, brush and comb, and two
+mirrors, one large, and one small for the hand, as she
+may wish to smooth her hair, without unpacking her own
+toilet articles. Upon the washstand, have two pitchers
+full of water, a cup, tumbler, soap-dish and soap, basin,
+brush-dish, and a sponge, wash rag, and plenty of clean
+towels.</p>
+
+<p>Have both a feather bed and a mattress upon the bedstead,
+that she may place whichever she prefers uppermost.
+Two sheets, a blanket, quilt, and counterpane,
+should be on the bed, and there should be two extra
+blankets in the room, should she require more covering
+in the night.</p>
+
+<p>On the mantel piece, place a few books that she may
+read, if she wishes, before sleeping. Have upon the
+mantel piece a box of matches, and if the room is not
+lighted by gas, have also a supply of candles in a box,
+and a candlestick.</p>
+
+<p>If the room is not heated by a furnace, be careful that
+the fire is made every morning before she rises, and keep
+a good supply of fuel in the room.</p>
+
+<p>Besides the larger chairs, have a low one, to use while
+changing the shoes or washing the feet.</p>
+
+<p>Upon the table, place a full supply of writing materials,
+as your guest may wish to send word of her safe
+arrival before unpacking her own writing-desk. Put
+two or three postage stamps upon this table.</p>
+
+<p>Be sure that bells, locks, hinges, and windows, are all
+in perfect order.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_62" id="Pg_62">[62]</a></span>
+Before your guest arrives, go to her room. If it is in
+winter, have a good fire, hot water on the washstand,
+and see that the windows are tightly closed, and the
+room cheerful with sunshine, or plenty of candle or gas
+light. If in summer, draw the curtains, bow the shutters,
+open the windows, and have a fan upon the table. It is
+well to have a bath ready, should your guest desire that
+refreshment after the dust and heat of traveling.</p>
+
+<p>When the time arrives at which you may expect your
+guest, send a carriage to the station to meet her, and, if
+possible, go yourself, or send some member of the family
+to welcome her there. After her baggage is on the carriage,
+drive immediately to the house, and be certain all
+is ready there for her comfort.</p>
+
+<p>As soon as she is at your house, have her trunks carried
+immediately to her own room, and lead her there
+yourself. Then, after warmly assuring her how welcome
+she is, leave her alone to change her dress, bathe, or lie
+down if she wishes. If her journey has been a long
+one, and it is not the usual hour for your next meal,
+have a substantial repast ready for her about half an
+hour after her arrival, with tea or coffee.</p>
+
+<p>If she arrives late at night, after she has removed her
+bonnet and bathed her face, invite her to partake of a
+substantial supper, and then pity her weariness and lead
+the way to her room. She may politely assert that she
+can still sit up and talk, but be careful you do not keep
+her up too long; and do not waken her in the morning.
+After the first day, she will, of course, desire to breakfast
+at your usual hour, but if she has had a long, fatiguing
+journey, she will be glad to sleep late the first<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_63" id="Pg_63">[63]</a></span>
+day. Be careful that she has a hot breakfast ready
+when she does rise, and take a seat at the table to wait
+upon her.</p>
+
+<p>After the chambermaid has arranged the guest-chamber
+in the morning, go in yourself and see that all is in
+order, and comfortable, and that there is plenty of fresh
+water and towels, the bed properly made, and the room
+dusted. Then do not go in again through the day, unless
+invited. If you are constantly running in, to put a
+chair back, open or shut the windows, or arrange the
+furniture, you will entirely destroy the pleasantest part
+of your guest's visit, by reminding her that she is not
+at home, and must not take liberties, even in her own
+room. It looks, too, as if you were afraid to trust her,
+and thought she would injure the furniture.</p>
+
+<p>If you have children, forbid them to enter the room
+your friend occupies, unless she invites them to do so, or
+they are sent there with a message.</p>
+
+<p>If your household duties will occupy your time for
+some hours in the morning, introduce your guest to the
+piano, book-case, or picture-folio, and place all at her
+service. When your duties are finished, either join her
+in her own room, or invite her to sit with you, and work,
+chatting, meanwhile, together. If you keep your own
+carriage, place it at her disposal as soon as she arrives.</p>
+
+<p>If she is a stranger in the city, accompany her to the
+points of interest she may wish to visit, and also offer to
+show her where to find the best goods, should she wish
+to do any shopping.</p>
+
+<p>Enquire of your visitor if there is any particular habit
+she may wish to indulge in, such as rising late, retiring<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_64" id="Pg_64">[64]</a></span>
+early, lying down in the daytime, or any other habit that
+your family do not usually follow. If there is, arrange
+it so that she may enjoy her peculiarity in comfort. If
+there is any dish which is distasteful to her, avoid placing
+it upon the table during her visit, and if she mentions,
+in conversation, any favorite dish, have it frequently
+placed before her.</p>
+
+<p>If she is accustomed to eat just before retiring, and
+your family do not take supper, see that something is
+sent to her room every night.</p>
+
+<p>If your friend has intimate friends in the same city,
+beside yourself, it is an act of kindly courtesy to invite
+them to dinner, tea, or to pass a day, and when calls are
+made, and you see that it would be pleasant, invite the
+caller to remain to dinner or tea.</p>
+
+<p>Never accept any invitation, either to a party, ball, or
+public entertainment, that does not include your guest.
+In answering the invitation give that as your reason for
+declining, when another note will be sent enclosing an
+invitation for her. If the invitation is from an intimate
+friend, say, in answering it, that your guest is with you,
+and that she will accompany you.</p>
+
+<p>It is a mistaken idea to suppose that hospitality and
+courtesy require <em>constant</em> attention to a guest. There
+are times when she may prefer to be alone, either to
+write letters, to read, or practice. Some ladies follow
+a guest from one room to another, never leaving them
+alone for a single instant, when they would enjoy an hour
+or two in the library or at the piano, but do not like to
+say so.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_65" id="Pg_65">[65]</a></span>
+The best rule is to make your guest feel that she is
+heartily welcome, and perfectly at home.</p>
+
+<p>When she is ready to leave you, see that her trunks
+are strapped in time by the servants, have a carriage
+ready to take her to the station, have the breakfast or
+dinner at an hour that will suit her, prepare a luncheon
+for her to carry, and let some gentleman in the family
+escort her to the wharf, check her trunks, and procure
+her tickets.</p>
+
+<p>If your guest is in mourning, decline any invitations
+to parties or places of amusement whilst she is with you.
+Show her by such little attentions that you sympathize
+in her recent affliction, and that the pleasure of her society,
+and the love you bear her, make such sacrifices of
+gayety trifling, compared with the sweet duty of comforting
+her.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_66" id="Pg_66">[66]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_VIII" id="CHPTR_VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII.<br />
+<span class="subttl">VISITING.</span><br />
+<span class="subttl2">ETIQUETTE FOR THE GUEST.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>As a first rule with regard to paying a visit, the best
+one is, never to accept a <em>general</em> invitation. Instances
+are very common where women (I cannot say <em>ladies</em>)
+have, upon a slight acquaintance, and a "When you are
+in C&mdash;&mdash; I should be very happy to have you visit me,"
+actually gone to C&mdash;&mdash; from their own home, and, with
+bag and baggage, quartered themselves upon the hospitality
+of their newly made friend, for weeks at a time.</p>
+
+<p>Even where there is a long standing friendship it is
+not well to visit uninvited. It is impossible for you, in
+another city, to know exactly when it will be convenient
+for your friend to have you visit her, unless she tells you,
+and that will, of course, be a special invitation.</p>
+
+<p>If your friends are really desirous to have you pay
+them a visit, they will name a time when it will be convenient
+and agreeable to have you come, and you may
+accept the invitation with the certainty that you will not
+incommode them.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_67" id="Pg_67">[67]</a></span>
+Self-proposed visits are still worse. You, in a manner,
+force an invitation from your friend when you tell
+her that you can come at a certain time, unless you have
+previously arranged to let her know when you can be her
+guest. In that case, your own time is understood to be
+the most agreeable for her.</p>
+
+<p>If, whilst traveling, you pass through a town where
+you have friends whom you wish to visit, and who would
+be hurt if you omitted to do so, go first to a hotel, and
+either call or send word that you are there. Then, it is
+optional with them to extend their hospitality or not.
+Do not be offended if it is not done. The love for you
+may be undiminished, and the desire to entertain you
+very great, yet family reasons may render such an invitation
+as you expect, impossible. Your friend may have
+engagements or duties at the time, that would prevent
+her making the visit pleasant for you, and wish to postpone
+the invitation until she can entertain you as she
+wishes.</p>
+
+<p>To drive, trunks and all, in such a case, to your
+friend's house, without a word of warning, is unkind, as
+well as ill-bred. You force her to invite you to stay,
+when it may be inconvenient, and, even if she is really
+glad to see you, and wishes you to make a prolonged
+visit, you may feel certain she would have preferred to
+know you were coming. If she really loves you, her
+natural desire would be to have everything ready to give
+you a comfortable reception, and not have to leave you,
+perhaps with your traveling costume on, for an hour or
+two, while she prepares a room for you. It is not enough
+to say, at such a time, "Don't mind me," or, "Treat me<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_68" id="Pg_68">[68]</a></span>
+as one of the family." However much her politeness
+or love may conceal annoyance, be sure, in her secret
+heart she <em>does</em> mind you, and remember you are <em>not</em> one
+of her private family.</p>
+
+<p>To take the liberty of going to the house of a mere
+acquaintance, for a night or two, while traveling, without
+invitation, is making a convenience of them, and wears
+the appearance of wishing to save the customary hotel-bill,
+so, while it is extremely ill-bred and impertinent, it
+is also excessively mean.</p>
+
+<p>In case of relationship, or long intimate friendship, an
+unexpected visit may be pardoned and give pleasure, but
+it is better to avoid it, as the pleasure will surely be increased
+if your relative or friend has time to prepare for
+your reception as her love will prompt, and arrange her
+duties and engagements to really enjoy your company.</p>
+
+<p>When you receive an invitation by letter to visit a
+friend, answer it immediately, thanking her for her
+proffered hospitality, and say decidedly then whether
+you can accept or decline.</p>
+
+<p>If you accept the invitation, state in your letter by
+what train, and at what hour you will arrive, that she
+may meet you, and let nothing but positive necessity
+keep you from being punctually at the time and place
+appointed. To linger by the way, for mere pleasure, and
+make her come several times to meet you, is unkind, as
+well as ill-bred. If you are unavoidably detained, write
+to her, state the reason that will prevent your keeping
+the appointment, and name another time when you can
+come.</p>
+
+<p>It is well in answering a letter of invitation, to state<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_69" id="Pg_69">[69]</a></span>
+the limits of your visit, and then to keep them. If she
+is unwilling to let you go, and you are tempted to stay,
+that very fact promises well for the pleasure of a second
+visit. It is better to leave while all will regret you,
+than to linger on until you have worn out your welcome.</p>
+
+<p>Inquire, as soon as possible after your arrival, what
+are the regular habits of the family; the hours for rising,
+for meals, and for retiring, and then be punctual in your
+attendance. Many ladies are very ceremonious about
+waiting for a guest, and by delay in your room, or inattention
+to the time, when you are out, you will keep the
+whole family waiting.</p>
+
+<p>If you do not wake early enough for the usual breakfast
+hour, request the chambermaid to knock at your
+door in time for you to be ready to go down with the
+family. Before you leave your room in the morning,
+take the clothes off your bed, throw the upper bed over
+the foot-board, and then open all the windows (unless it
+storms), that room and bed may be thoroughly aired before
+you sit there again.</p>
+
+<p>After breakfast, ask your hostess if you can be of any
+assistance to her in the household duties. If she declines
+your services, do not follow her from room to room
+whilst she is thus engaged, but take your work, books,
+or music to the sitting room or parlor, until your own
+room is ready for you. By thus proving that you can
+occupy yourself pleasantly, while she is away, you make
+it less annoying to her to feel the obligation to leave
+you.</p>
+
+<p>As soon as you see that she is ready to sew and chat,
+leave your book, or, if in your own room, come to the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_70" id="Pg_70">[70]</a></span>
+sitting room, where she is, and work with her. It is
+polite and kind, if you see that she has a large supply
+of family sewing, to offer to assist her, but if she positively
+declines your aid, then have some work of your
+own on hand, that you may sew with her. Many pleasant
+mornings may be spent while visiting, by one lady reading
+aloud whilst the other sews, alternating the work.</p>
+
+<p>It is a pretty compliment to repay the hospitality of
+your hostess, by working whilst with her upon some
+piece of fancy work, a chair cover, sofa cushion, or pair
+of ottomans, presenting them to her when finished, as a
+keepsake. They will be duly appreciated, and remind
+her constantly of the pleasures of your visit.</p>
+
+<p>If you pass the morning out of the house, remember
+your time is hers, and have no engagement to interfere
+with the plans she has laid for entertaining you. Observe
+this rule during your whole visit, and do not act independent
+of her plans. By constantly forming engagements
+without her knowledge, going out without her, or
+staying in when she has made some excursion or party
+for your pleasure, you insult her, by intimating that her
+house is no more to you than a hotel, to sleep and eat in,
+while your pleasures lie elsewhere.</p>
+
+<p>After dinner, retire for an hour to your own room,
+that your hostess may lie down if she is accustomed to
+do so. If the hours kept are later than you have been
+accustomed to, or if the gayety of the family keeps you
+out at party or opera, it is best to sleep after dinner,
+even if you do not always do it. To give signs of weariness
+in the evening will be excessively rude, implying<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_71" id="Pg_71">[71]</a></span>
+want of enjoyment, and making your hostess feel hurt
+and annoyed.</p>
+
+<p>If you have shopping to do, find out where the best
+stores are, and then go to them alone, unless your hostess
+will accompany you upon similar business of her own.
+Do not tax her good nature to go, merely for the sake
+of aiding you as guide. If one of the children in the
+family is familiar with the stores and streets, ask her to
+accompany you, and be careful to acknowledge the kindness
+by buying something especially for the child whilst
+she is out with you, if it is only some cakes or bonbons.
+Choose an hour when you are certain your hostess has
+made no other engagement for you, or while she is busy
+in her domestic duties, for these shopping excursions.
+Offer, when you are going, to attend to any shopping she
+may want, and ask if there is any commission you can
+execute for her while you are out.</p>
+
+<p>While on a visit to one friend, do not accept too many
+invitations from others, and avoid spending too much
+time in paying calls where your hostess is not acquainted.
+You owe the greater portion of your time and society to
+the lady whose hospitality you are accepting, and it is
+best to decline invitations from other houses, unless they
+inclose one for your hostess also.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid paying any visits in a family not upon good
+terms with your hostess. If such a family are very dear
+friends of your own, or you can claim an acquaintance,
+pleasant upon both sides, with them, write, and state
+candidly the reason why you cannot visit them, and they
+will appreciate your delicacy.</p>
+
+<p>If, while on a visit to one friend, you receive an invitation
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_72" id="Pg_72">[72]</a></span>
+to spend some time with another friend in the same
+place, accept it for the period which you have named as
+the termination of your first visit. You insult your
+hostess by shortening your visit to her to accept another
+invitation, and quite as much of an insult is it, to take
+the time from the first visit to go to pay another, and
+then return to your first hostess, unless such an arrangement
+has been made immediately upon your arrival.</p>
+
+<p>Never invite any friend who may call upon you to
+stay to dinner or tea; you will be taking a most unwarrantable
+liberty in so doing. This is the right of
+your hostess, and if, by her silence, she tacitly declines
+extending this courtesy, you will be guilty of impertinence
+in usurping her privilege.</p>
+
+<p>Never take any one who calls upon you into any room
+but the parlor, unless invited to do so by your hostess.
+You have, of course, the <i>entrée</i> of other rooms, but you
+have no right to extend this privilege to others.</p>
+
+<p>If you have many gentlemen visiters, check too frequent
+calls, and make no appointments with them. If
+they show you any such attention as to offer to drive you
+to places of interest, or visit with you picture galleries or
+public places, always consult your hostess before accepting
+such civilities, and decline them if she has made
+other engagements for you. If you receive an invitation
+to visit any place of public amusement, decline it, unless
+one of the family with whom you are staying is also invited.
+In that case you may accept. If the gentleman
+who invites you is a stranger to the family, introduce
+him to your hostess, or mention her name in conversation.
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_73" id="Pg_73">[73]</a></span>
+He will then, if he really desires you to accept
+his proffered attention, include her in the invitation.</p>
+
+<p>When visiting in a family where the members are in
+mourning, decline all invitations to parties or places of
+public amusement. It is an insult to them to leave them
+to join in pleasure from which their recent affliction excludes
+them. Your visit at such a time will be prompted
+by sympathy in their trouble, and for the time it is
+thoughtful and delicate to make their sorrows yours.</p>
+
+<p>If sudden sickness or family trouble come to your
+friend whilst you are with her, <em>unless you can really be
+useful</em>, shorten your visit. In time of trouble families
+generally like to be alone, all in all to each other; and a
+visitor is felt a constant restraint.</p>
+
+<p>If death comes while you are with your friend, endeavor
+to take from her as much of the care as you can,
+a really sympathizing friend is an inexpressible comfort
+at such a time, as the trying details which must be taken
+in charge by some one, will be less trying to her than to
+a member of the family. Do the necessary shopping for
+your friend, and relieve her of as much family care as
+you can. Let her feel that you are really glad that you
+are near her in her affliction, and repay the hospitality
+she offered in her season of joy by showing her that her
+sorrow makes her still more dear, and that, while you
+can enjoy the gayety of her house, you will not flee from
+its mourning. When your presence can be of no further
+service, then leave her.</p>
+
+<p>Put out your washing and ironing when on a visit. It
+is annoying and ill-bred to throw your soiled clothes into
+the family wash.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_74" id="Pg_74">[74]</a></span>
+Take with you, from home, all the writing and sewing
+materials you may require while paying your visit. It
+is annoying to be constantly requested by a visitor to
+lend her scissors, pins, needles, or paper; no lady should
+be without her own portfolio and work-box.</p>
+
+<p>Be very careful not to injure any article of furniture
+in your sleeping apartment, and if, unfortunately, anything
+suffers from your carelessness, have the accident
+repaired, or the article replaced, at your own expense.</p>
+
+<p>When your visit is over, give a present to each of the
+servants, varying its value, according to the length of
+your visit or the services you may have required. You
+will add to the pleasure by presenting such gifts yourself,
+with a few pleasant words.</p>
+
+<p>Never compare the house you may be visiting with
+your own, or any other you may visit. Avoid also
+speaking of any house where you may have been a guest
+in terms of overpraise, giving glowing pictures of its
+splendor. Your hostess may imagine you are drawing
+comparisons unfavorable to your present residence.
+Also avoid speaking unfavorably of any former visit, as
+your hostess will naturally conclude that her turn for
+censure will come as soon as your visit is over.</p>
+
+<p>If any family secret comes to your knowledge while
+you are on a visit in that family, remember the hospitality
+extended to you binds you to the most inviolable
+secrecy. It is mean, contemptible, rude, and ill-bred to
+make your entertainers regret their hospitality by betraying
+any such confidence; for it is as sacred a confidence
+as if you were bound over to silence in the most
+solemn manner.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_75" id="Pg_75">[75]</a></span>
+After paying a visit, you should write to your hostess
+as soon as you reach home again; thank her in this letter
+for her hospitality, speak warmly of the enjoyment
+you have had in your recent visit, and mention by name
+every member of the family, desiring to be remembered
+to all.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_76" id="Pg_76">[76]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_IX" id="CHPTR_IX"></a>CHAPTER IX.<br />
+<span class="subttl">MORNING RECEPTIONS OR CALLS.</span><br />
+<span class="subttl2">ETIQUETTE FOR THE HOSTESS.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>If your circle of visiting acquaintance is very large,
+while at the same time your time is fully occupied, or
+your home duties make it inconvenient to dress every
+morning to receive visitors, it is a good plan to set aside
+one morning in the week for a reception day.</p>
+
+<p>Upon your own visiting cards, below the name, put
+the day when it will be proper to return the visit, thus:</p>
+
+<div class="blocks">
+<p class="center">
+<span class="smcap">Mrs. James Hunter.</span><br />
+<span class="smcapuc p-l14">AT HOME WEDNESDAYS.</span><br />
+<span class="p-r6"><i>No.</i> 1718 <i>C&mdash;&mdash; st.</i></span></p>
+</div>
+
+<p>Your friends will, unless there is some especial reason
+for a call in the interval, pay their visit upon the day
+named.</p>
+
+<p>Let nothing, but the most imperative duty, call you
+out upon your reception day. Your callers are, in a
+measure, invited guests, and it will be an insulting mark<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_77" id="Pg_77">[77]</a></span>
+of rudeness to be out when they call. Neither can you
+be excused, except in case of sickness.</p>
+
+<p>Having appointed the day when you will be at home
+to see your friends, you must, for that day, prepare to
+give your time wholly to them. The usual hours for
+morning receptions are from twelve to three, and you
+should be dressed, and ready for callers, at least half an
+hour before that time.</p>
+
+<p>To come in, flushed from a hurried toilette, to meet
+your first callers, is unbecoming as well as rude.</p>
+
+<p>Your dress should be handsome, but not showy. A
+silk or cashmere wrapper, richly trimmed, over an embroidered
+skirt, with a pretty cap, or the hair neatly arranged
+without head-dress, is a becoming and appropriate
+dress. Still better is a rich but plain silk, made high
+in the neck, with long sleeves. Wear a handsomely
+embroidered, or lace collar, and sleeves, and a rather
+dressy cap, or, still better, the hair alone, prettily arranged.</p>
+
+<p>As each visitor arrives, rise, and advance part of the
+way to meet her. If gentlemen, rise, but do not advance.</p>
+
+<p>It is not customary now to introduce callers at these
+morning receptions, though you can do so with perfect
+propriety where you know such an introduction will be
+agreeable to both parties.</p>
+
+<p>In introducing a gentleman to a lady, address her
+first, as&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Miss Jones, permit me to introduce Mr. Lee;" and,
+when introducing a young lady to a matron, you introduce
+the younger one to the elder, as&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_78" id="Pg_78">[78]</a></span>
+"Mrs. Green, allow me to introduce to you my friend,
+Miss Brown."</p>
+
+<p>In introducing strangers in the city it is well to name
+the place of their residence, as&mdash;Mr. James of Germany,
+or, Mr. Brown of New York, or, if they have recently
+returned from abroad, it is well to say so, as, Mr.
+Lee, lately from India; this is useful in starting conversation.</p>
+
+<p>Be careful, when introducing your friends, to pronounce
+the name of each one clearly and distinctly, that
+there may be no mistake or necessity for repetition.</p>
+
+<p>It is a good plan, if your receptions are usually largely
+attended, to have books and pictures on the centre table,
+and scattered about your parlors. You must, of course,
+converse with each caller, but many will remain in the
+room for a long time, and these trifles are excellent
+pastime, and serve as subjects for conversation.</p>
+
+<p>It requires much tact to know when to introduce
+friends, when to take refuge under the shield fashion offers,
+and not make them acquainted with each other.
+It is a positive cruelty to force a talented, witty person,
+to converse with one who is ignorant and dull, as they
+will, of course, be obliged to do, if introduced.</p>
+
+<p>A well-bred lady, who is receiving several visitors at
+a time, pays equal attention to all, and attempts, as
+much as possible, to generalize the conversation, turning
+to all in succession. The last arrival, however, receives
+a little more attention at first, than the others.</p>
+
+<p>If it is not agreeable to you to set aside a day for the
+especial reception of callers, and you have a large circle<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_79" id="Pg_79">[79]</a></span>
+of acquaintances, be ready to receive them each day
+that you are at home.</p>
+
+<p>If you are engaged, let the servant say so when she
+opens the door, and do not send down that message
+after your friend has been admitted. If she is told
+when she arrives that you are engaged, she will understand
+that you are denied to <em>all</em> callers, but if that
+message comes after she has sent up her card, she may
+draw the inference that you will not see <em>her</em>, though you
+may see other friends.</p>
+
+<p>Never keep a caller waiting whilst you make an elaborate
+toilette. If you are not ready for visitors, it is
+best to enter the parlor in your wrapper, apologizing for
+it, than to keep your friend waiting whilst you change
+your dress.</p>
+
+<p>If a stranger calls, bringing a letter of introduction,
+and sends the letter, you may read it before going down
+stairs, but if they wait till you are in the parlor before
+presenting the letter, merely glance at the signature and
+at the name of your caller; do not read the letter
+through, unless it is very short, or you are requested by
+the bearer to do so.</p>
+
+<p>If you have a friend staying with you, invite her to
+join you in the parlor when you have callers, and introduce
+her to your friends.</p>
+
+<p>If you wish to invite a caller to stay to luncheon or
+dinner, give the invitation as soon as you have exchanged
+greetings, not after she has been seated for some time.
+In the latter case it appears like an after thought, not,
+as in the former, as if from a real desire to have the
+pleasure of her company.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_80" id="Pg_80">[80]</a></span>
+If you have but one caller at a time, rise when she
+does, and accompany her to the vestibule; but, if there
+are several in the room, rise when each one does,
+but only accompany them to the parlor door; there take
+leave of them, and return to those who still remain
+seated.</p>
+
+<p>If, after affliction, your friends call before you are able
+to see them, do not fear to give offence by declining to
+receive them. They will respect your sorrow, and the
+call is made more to show their sympathy than from a
+desire to converse with you.</p>
+
+<p>Visits of condolence, paid between the death of one
+of your family and the day of the funeral, you may
+always excuse yourself from, with perfect propriety.
+They are made in kindness, and show interest, but if
+you decline seeing such callers, there is no offence given.</p>
+
+<p>In parting from a gentleman caller, rise when he does,
+and remain standing until he leaves the room, but do not
+go towards the door.</p>
+
+<p>When a gentleman calls in the morning he will not
+remove his outside coat, and will hold his hat in his
+hand. Never offer to take the latter, and do not invite
+him to remove his coat. Take no notice of either one
+or the other.</p>
+
+<p>If strangers in the city call upon you, enquire at what
+hotel they are staying, and how long they will be there,
+that you may return their call before they leave town.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_81" id="Pg_81">[81]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_X" id="CHPTR_X"></a>CHAPTER X.<br />
+<span class="subttl">MORNING RECEPTIONS OR CALLS.</span><br />
+<span class="subttl2">ETIQUETTE FOR THE CALLER.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>The usual hours for paying morning calls are between
+eleven and two, or twelve and three, and all calls of ceremony
+should be made between these hours.</p>
+
+<p>Never, in paying a ceremonious call, stay more than
+twenty minutes, or less than ten. If your hostess has
+several other visitors at the same time that you are in her
+parlor, make your visit short, that she may have more
+attention to bestow upon others.</p>
+
+<p>After you have received an invitation to a party, call
+within a week or fortnight after the evening, whether
+you have accepted or declined the invitation. If you
+have declined on account of mourning, the excuse extends
+also to the call.</p>
+
+<p>When the servant answers your ring, hand in your
+card. If your friend is out or engaged, leave the card,
+and if she is in, send it up. Never call without cards.
+You may offend your friend, as she may never hear of
+your call, if she is out at the time, and you trust to the
+memory of the servant.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_82" id="Pg_82">[82]</a></span>
+If your friend is at home, after sending your card up
+to her by the servant, go into the parlor to wait for her.
+Sit down quietly, and do not leave your seat until you
+rise to meet her as she enters the room. To walk about
+the parlor, examining the ornaments and pictures, is ill-bred.
+It is still more unlady-like to sit down and turn
+over to read the cards in her card basket. If she keeps
+you waiting for a long time, you may take a book from
+the centre-table to pass away the interval.</p>
+
+<p>Never, while waiting in a friend's parlor, go to the
+piano and play till she comes. This is a breach of good-breeding
+often committed, and nothing can be more ill-bred.
+You may be disturbing an invalid unawares, or
+you may prevent your friend, if she has children, from
+coming down stairs at all, by waking the baby.</p>
+
+<p>If you are a stranger in the city, and bring a letter of
+introduction to your hostess, send this letter up stairs
+with your card, that she may read it, and know how to
+welcome you when she comes down stairs. In this case,
+write upon the card the name of the hotel at which you
+are staying, and mention in the course of conversation,
+how long you will be in the city.</p>
+
+<p>If you have a visitor, and desire to introduce her to
+your friends, you may invite her to accompany you when
+paying calls.</p>
+
+<p>In making a call for condolence, it is sufficient to leave
+a card with your enquiries for the health of your friend,
+and offers of service. The same if calling upon invalids,
+if they are too ill to see you.</p>
+
+<p>In visits of congratulation, go in, and be hearty in
+your expressions of interest and sympathy. Pay visits,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_83" id="Pg_83">[83]</a></span>
+both of condolence and congratulation, within a week
+after the event which calls for them occurs.</p>
+
+<p>It is proper, when you have already made your call of
+the usual length, and another caller is announced, to rise
+and leave, not immediately, as if you shunned the new
+arrival, but after a moment or two. Never out-sit two
+or three parties of visitors, unless you have private business
+with your hostess which cannot be postponed. Many
+denounce the system of morning calls as silly, frivolous,
+and a waste of time. They are wrong. It may be
+carried to an excess, and so admit of these objections,
+but in moderation the custom is a good and pleasant one.
+You have then an opportunity of making friends of mere
+acquaintances, and you can, in a pleasant chat with a
+friend at home, have more real enjoyment in her society
+than in a dozen meetings in large companies, with all the
+formality and restraint of a party thrown around you.
+There are many subjects of conversation which are
+pleasant in a parlor, tête-à-tête with a friend, which you
+would not care to discuss in a crowded saloon, or in the
+street. Personal inquiries, private affairs can be cosily
+chatted over.</p>
+
+<p>In paying your visits of condolence, show, by your own
+quiet gravity, that you sympathize in the recent affliction
+of your friend. Though you may endeavor to comfort
+and cheer her, you must avoid a gay or careless air, as it
+will be an insult at such a time. Avoid any allusion to
+the past that may be trying for her to hear or answer,
+yet do not ignore the subject entirely, as that appears
+like a want of interest in it. Though you may feel
+happy, avoid parading your own joyousness at such a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_84" id="Pg_84">[84]</a></span>
+time; whatever your own feeling may be, respect the
+sorrow of another.</p>
+
+<p>Never sit gazing curiously around the room when paying
+a call, as if taking a mental inventory of the furniture.
+It is excessively rude. It is still worse to
+appear to notice any disorder or irregularity that may
+occur.</p>
+
+<p>If, while paying a call, you perceive that any unforeseen
+matter in the family, calls for the attention of the
+lady of the house, leave instantly, no matter how short
+your call has been. Your friend may not appear to
+notice the screams of a child, a noise in the kitchen, or
+the cry from the nursery that the fire board has caught
+fire, but you may be sure she does hear it, and though
+too well-bred to speak of it, will heartily rejoice to say
+good-bye.</p>
+
+<p>Do not take a child with you to pay calls, until it is
+old enough to behave quietly and with propriety. To
+have a troublesome child constantly touching the parlor
+ornaments, balancing itself on the back of a chair, leaning
+from a window, or performing any of the thousand
+tricks in which children excel, is an annoyance, both to
+yourself and your hostess.</p>
+
+<p>Make no remark upon the temperature of the room, or
+its arrangement, when you enter it. Never open or shut
+a window or door without asking permission, and unless
+really suffering from excessive heat or cold, refrain from
+asking leave to take this liberty.</p>
+
+<p>If you are invited to go up stairs to your friend's private
+apartment, you will, of course, accept the invitation,
+but never go up stairs uninvited. When you reach her<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_85" id="Pg_85">[85]</a></span>
+door, if the servant has not preceded and announced you,
+knock, and await her invitation to enter. Then, once
+in, take no notice of the room, but go instantly to your
+friend. If she is sewing, do not speak of the nature of
+her work, but request her to continue, as if you were not
+present.</p>
+
+<p>In cases of long standing friendship, you will not, of
+course, stand upon the ceremony of waiting for each and
+every one of your calls to be returned before paying
+another, but be careful that you are not too lavish of
+your visits. The most cordial welcome may be worn
+threadbare, if it is called into use <em>too</em> often.</p>
+
+<p>If you are visiting an invalid, or one confined by
+physical infirmity to one apartment, while you are cheerful
+and ready to impart all the news that will interest
+them, do not, by too glowing descriptions of out-door
+pleasures, make them feel more keenly their own deprivations.
+It is well, when making such calls, to converse
+upon literature, or such general subjects as will not remind
+them of their misfortune.</p>
+
+<p>In cases where, from long illness or other infirmity, a
+gentleman friend is confined entirely to his room, you
+may, with perfect propriety, call upon him. It is both
+polite and kind to do so, as otherwise he would be
+deprived entirely of the society of his lady friends.
+Many thus unfortunately situated, from study and reading
+while so shut out from the world, become the most
+delightful companions.</p>
+
+<p>If, when you make a call, you unfortunately intrude
+upon an early dinner hour, do not go in, but leave your
+card, and say that you will call again.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_86" id="Pg_86">[86]</a></span>
+If you call upon two ladies who are boarding at the
+same house, do not send up your card to both at the
+same time. If one is out, send a card to her room, and
+then send up for the other. If the first one is in, wait
+till she comes down, and then chat as long as a call
+usually lasts. When you rise as if to take leave, accompany
+your friend to the parlor door, then tell her
+that you are going to send up for your other friend.
+She will bid you good-morning, and go to her own room;
+ring the bell after she leaves you, and send your card by
+the waiter to your other friend.</p>
+
+<p>In calling at a hotel, enter by the ladies' door, and
+send your card to the room of your friend by the waiter.
+It is well, if you are calling upon an entire stranger, to
+choose a seat, and tell the waiter to say to the lady
+exactly where she will find you. She will probably
+enter with your card in her hand; then rise, greet her
+by name, and introduce yourself. If you speak to
+another stranger upon the same errand as the one you
+expect, the error will be instantly perceived by the difference
+in name. If a stranger, bringing a letter of introduction,
+sends the letter with her card, instead of
+calling, courtesy requires you to make the first call, immediately;
+the same day that you receive the letter, if
+possible, if not, the day after.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_87" id="Pg_87">[87]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_XI" id="CHPTR_XI"></a>CHAPTER XI.<br />
+<span class="subttl">DINNER COMPANY.</span><br />
+<span class="subttl2">ETIQUETTE FOR THE HOSTESS.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>In issuing invitations for a large dinner party, the
+usual form is&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blocks">
+<p><i>Mr. and Mrs. G&mdash;&mdash; request the favor of Mr. and
+Mrs. L&mdash;&mdash;'s company to dinner, on Wednesday, March
+8th, at &mdash;&mdash; o'clock.</i></p>
+</div>
+
+<p>If your husband is giving a party to gentlemen only,
+he will have a card printed or written for the occasion,
+but your duties as hostess, if he wishes you to preside,
+will still be as arduous as if your own friends were included
+in the invitation.</p>
+
+<p>The directions given in the chapter on "<a href="#CHPTR_V">Evening parties</a>"
+for the arrangement of the parlor and the dressing-rooms,
+will apply here equally well, but the dining-room
+(in this case the centre of attraction) requires still more
+careful attention. Any fault here will mar your own
+comfort and the pleasure of your guests, and must be
+carefully avoided.</p>
+
+<p>Send out your invitations by a servant, or man hired<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_88" id="Pg_88">[88]</a></span>
+for the purpose; do not trust them to despatch or penny
+post.</p>
+
+<p>Be careful in selecting the guests for a dinner party.
+Remember that conversation will be the sole entertainment
+for several hours, and if your guests are not well
+chosen, your dinner, no matter how perfect or costly the
+viands, will prove a failure. The most agreeable dinners
+are those whose numbers will allow all the guests to join
+in a common conversation, and where the host has spirit
+and intelligence to take the lead, and start a new subject
+when the interest in the old one begins to flag. Dinners
+where the guests depend entirely upon the person next
+them for conversation, are apt to be stupid, as it requires
+marvelous tact to pair off all the couples, so that every
+one will be entertaining in tête-à-tête conversation.</p>
+
+<p>To give a good dinner, your means, room, and establishment
+must all be taken into consideration when you
+are preparing for a dinner company. If you invite a
+large number, you must increase your establishment for
+the occasion, as to sit down to a dinner badly served,
+with a scarcity of waiters, is tiresome, and shows little
+tact or grace on the part of the hostess.</p>
+
+<p>One cook cannot prepare dinner properly for more
+than ten persons, and three waiters will find ample employment
+in waiting upon the same number. More than
+this number will require a table too large for general,
+easy conversation, and throw your company into couples
+or trios, for entertainment.</p>
+
+<p>Have your table spread in a room that will accommodate
+all the guests comfortably, at the same time avoid
+putting a small social party in a large room, where they<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_89" id="Pg_89">[89]</a></span>
+will appear lost in the space around them. Let the
+room be comfortably warmed, and if your dinner is late,
+have the apartments well lighted. If you sit down by
+daylight, but will remain in the room until after dark,
+have the shutters closed and the lights lit, before the
+dinner is announced, as nothing can be more awkward
+than to do this in the middle of the meal.</p>
+
+<p>The shape of a table is a point of more importance
+than some people think. If you wish your dinner to be
+social&mdash;not a mere collection of tête-à-têtes&mdash;the table
+should be of a shape which will make it easy for each
+guest to address any one at the table. The long
+parallelogram, with the host at one end and the hostess
+at the other, is stiff, too broad, too long, and isolates the
+givers of the feast from the guests.</p>
+
+<p>The round table, if large enough to accommodate
+many guests, has too large a diameter each way for easy
+conversation. The best table is the oval, and the host
+and hostess should sit in the middle of each side, facing
+each other.</p>
+
+<p>The dining room, even in the heat of summer, should
+be carpeted, to deaden the noise of the servants' feet.
+The chairs should be easy, without arms, and with tall,
+slanting backs. It adds much to the comfort, if each
+person is provided with a foot-stool.</p>
+
+<p>You must have, besides the waiters, one servant to
+carve, and he must be an adept. No dish should be
+carved upon the table, and that no guest shall wait too
+long for his meat, you must engage a rapid and dexterous
+carver.</p>
+
+<p>For a party of ten, two waiters, and the carver, are<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_90" id="Pg_90">[90]</a></span>
+amply sufficient. If you have too many servants, they
+will only interfere with each other, and stand staring at
+the guests. Give your orders before dinner, and through
+the meal never speak to the servants. Your whole attention
+must be given to the guests. Even if you see
+that matters are going wrong, do not let your annoyance
+appear, but gracefully ignore the painful facts. Let
+each servant have his regular position at the table. One
+should take the guests at the right of the hostess, and
+the left of the host; the other the guests on the other
+side. They should wear light, noiseless shoes, and
+white gloves, and each one carry a folded napkin over
+his right arm.</p>
+
+<p>The main point in the arrangement of the table itself,
+is to secure beauty, without interfering with conversation.
+The table cover and napkins must be of snowy damask,
+the glass clear as crystal, and taste must preside over
+each detail. Let nothing high be placed on the table,
+that will effectually separate the guests from each other.
+There should be, first, a handsome centre piece, and this
+may be of glass, silver, or china, and not too high or
+large, and must be elegant as a work of art, or it is better
+omitted altogether. Preserve or fruit stands, tastefully
+decorated, with the fruit on fresh, green leaves, and
+flowers mingled with them, form exquisite centre pieces.
+A pyramid of flowers, or tasty vase or basket, forms, too,
+a beautiful ornament for the centre of the table. In addition
+to this, the French scatter vases of flowers all over
+the table, at the corners and in the centre. Some place
+a small, fragrant bouquet before the plate of each guest.
+Nothing can be more beautiful than this arrangement.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_91" id="Pg_91">[91]</a></span>
+Glasses of celery, dishes of clear, transparent jellies or
+preserves, exquisite little glass plates of pickles should
+stand in order on the table.</p>
+
+<p>Place before each guest, the plate, knife, fork, spoon,
+four wine-glasses of various sizes, the goblet for water,
+napkin, small salt cellar, salt spoon, and roll of bread.
+Place none of the meats or vegetables upon the large
+table. These should all be served at a side-table, each
+guest selecting his own, to be handed by the servants.
+The first course is soup. As this is not meant to destroy
+the appetite for other viands, it should be light, not too
+rich or thick. Let the servant hand one ladlefull to each
+person. If you have more than one kind, he must first
+inquire which each guest prefers.</p>
+
+<p>If you have wines, let them be handed round after the
+soup.</p>
+
+<p>Next comes the fish. If you have large fish, let a
+slice, cut smoothly, not made into a hash by awkward
+carving, be placed upon the plate of the guest, with a
+slice of egg, and drawn butter. If the fish are small,
+one should be placed upon each plate.</p>
+
+<p>Then come the patties of oysters, minced veal, or
+lobster; or, instead of these, you may have poultry or
+game.</p>
+
+<p>Next the roast. With the meats have vegetables
+served on a separate plate, that the guest may take as
+much as he wishes with meat. You will, of course, have
+a variety of vegetables, but scarcely any guest will choose
+more than two.</p>
+
+<p>The pastry and puddings come next in order, and
+these, too, are better served from a side table. Between<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_92" id="Pg_92">[92]</a></span>
+the pastry and the dessert, have salad and cheese placed
+before each guest.</p>
+
+<p>If you eat dessert in the same room that you dine in,
+it should be placed upon the table (with the exception
+of the ices) before the guests are seated, and this comes
+after the pastry has been discussed. It should consist
+of fruit and ices.</p>
+
+<p>A pleasanter and more elegant way, is to have the
+fruit and ices spread in a separate room, and leave the
+dining room after the pastry has been eaten. The
+change of position, the absence of the meat flavor in the
+atmosphere, make the dessert much more delightful than
+if it is eaten in the same room as the dinner. In summer
+especially, the change to a cool, fresh room, where the
+ices and fruits are tastefully spread, and flowers are
+scattered profusely about the room, delights every
+sense.</p>
+
+<p>Coffee follows the dessert, and when this enters, if
+your guests are gentlemen only, your duty is at an end.
+You may then rise, leave the room, and need not re-appear.
+If you have lady guests, you give the signal for
+rising after coffee, and lead the way to the parlor,
+where, in a few moments, the gentlemen will again join
+you.</p>
+
+<p>Suppose your guests invited, servants instructed, every
+arrangement made, and the important day arrived. The
+next point to consider is the reception of your guests.
+Be dressed in good season, as many seem to consider an
+invitation to dinner as one to pass the day, and come
+early. Take a position in your drawing-room, where
+each guest will find you easily, and remain near it, until<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_93" id="Pg_93">[93]</a></span>
+every guest has arrived. As each one enters, advance
+to meet him, and extend your hand.</p>
+
+<p>Have plenty of chairs ready in the drawing-room, as
+an invitation to dinner by no means argues a "stand up"
+party. As you have already arranged every detail, your
+duty as hostess consists in receiving your guests gracefully,
+conversing and looking as charmingly as possible.
+Flowers in the drawing-room are as great a proof of
+taste as in the dining room.</p>
+
+<p>As the time just before dinner is very apt to be tiresome,
+you should bring forward all the armor against
+stupidity that you possess. Display upon tables arranged
+conveniently about the room, curiosities, handsome books,
+photographs, engravings, stereoscopes, medallions, any
+works of art you may own, and have the ottomans, sofas,
+and chairs so placed that your guests can move easily
+about the room, or rooms.</p>
+
+<p>The severest test of good breeding in a lady, is in the
+position of hostess, receiving dinner guests. Your
+guests may arrive all at once, yet you must make each
+one feel that he or she is the object of your individual
+attention, and none must be hurt by neglect. They may
+arrive very early, yet your duty is to make the time fly
+until dinner is announced. They may come late, and
+risk the ruin of your choicest dishes, yet you must not,
+upon pain of a breach of etiquette, show the least annoyance.
+If you know that the whole kitchen is in
+arms at the delay, you must conceal the anguish, as the
+Spartan boy did his pangs, to turn a cheerful, smiling
+face upon the tardy guests.</p>
+
+<p>When dinner is announced, you will lead the way<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_94" id="Pg_94">[94]</a></span>
+to the dining-room upon the arm of one of your gentlemen
+guests, having paired off the company in couples.
+The host comes in last with a lady upon his arm.</p>
+
+<p>You may indicate to each couple, as they enter the
+dining-room, the seats they are to occupy, standing until
+all are seated, or you may allow them to choose their
+own places. The English fashion of placing a card upon
+each plate with the name of the person to take that seat
+upon it, is a good one. It enables the hostess to place
+those whom she is certain will be mutually entertaining,
+next each other. Place the gentleman who escorts you
+from the parlor at your right hand.</p>
+
+<p>Having once taken your seat at table, you have
+nothing to do with the dinner but to partake of it. Not
+a word, or even a glance, will a well-bred hostess bestow
+upon the servants, nor will she speak to the guests of
+the dishes. Their choice rests between themselves and
+the waiters, and you must take no notice of what they
+eat, how much, or how little. Nay, should they partake
+of one dish only, you must ignore the fact.</p>
+
+<p>The greatest tact is displayed where the hostess makes
+each guest feel perfectly at ease. She will aid her husband
+both in leading and supporting the conversation,
+and will see that no guest is left in silence from want of
+attention. Whilst she ignores every breach of etiquette
+her guests may commit, she must carefully observe every
+rule herself, and this she must do in an easy, natural
+manner, avoiding every appearance of restraint. Her
+deportment, she may be sure, is secretly watched and
+criticised by each guest, yet she must appear utterly<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_95" id="Pg_95">[95]</a></span>
+unconscious that she is occupying any conspicuous position.</p>
+
+<p>To watch the servants, or appear uneasy, lest something
+should go wrong, is excessively ill-bred, and if
+any accident does occur, you only make it worse by noticing
+it. To reprove or speak sharply to a servant before
+your guests, manifests a shocking want of good
+breeding.</p>
+
+<p>The rules given above are only applicable to large
+dinner parties, and where the guests are few, and the
+host himself carves, these rules will not apply. In this
+case, as you will only require the services of your own
+household domestics, you must, of course, attend personally
+to the wants of your guests.</p>
+
+<p>Dinner not being served from a side table, you must,
+while putting tasteful ornaments upon it, be careful not
+to crowd them, and leave room for the substantial dishes.</p>
+
+<p>You must watch the plate of each guest, to see that
+it is well provided, and you will invite each one to partake
+of the various dishes.</p>
+
+<p>Have a servant to pass the plates from you to each
+guest, and from the host to you, after he has put the
+meat upon them, that you may add gravy and vegetables
+before they are set before your visitors.</p>
+
+<p>At these smaller dinner companies, avoid apologizing
+for anything, either in the viands or the arrangement of
+them. You have provided the best your purse will allow,
+prepared as faultlessly as possible; you will only
+gain credit for mock modesty if you apologize for a well-prepared,
+well-spread dinner, and if there are faults they<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_96" id="Pg_96">[96]</a></span>
+will only be made more conspicuous if attention is drawn
+to them by an apology.</p>
+
+<p>Ease of manner, quiet dignity, cheerful, intelligent
+conversation, and gentle, lady-like deportment, never appear
+more charming than when they adorn a lady at the
+head of her own table.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_97" id="Pg_97">[97]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_XII" id="CHPTR_XII"></a>CHAPTER XII.<br />
+<span class="subttl">DINNER COMPANY.</span><br />
+<span class="subttl2">ETIQUETTE FOR THE GUEST.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>When you receive an invitation to join a dinner-party,
+answer it immediately, as, by leaving your hostess in
+doubt whether you intend to accept or decline her hospitality,
+you make it impossible for her to decide how
+many she must prepare for. If you accept at first, and
+any unforeseen event keeps you from fulfilling your engagement,
+write a second note, that your hostess may
+not wait dinner for you. Such a note, if circumstances
+render it necessary to write it, may be sent with perfect
+propriety an hour before the time appointed for dinner,
+though, if you are aware that you cannot attend, earlier,
+you must send the information in good season.</p>
+
+<p>You should enter the house of your hostess from a
+quarter to half an hour earlier than the time appointed
+for dining. Proceed at once to the dressing-room, and
+arrange your dress and hair, and then enter the drawing-room.
+By going to the house too early, you may hasten
+or interrupt the toilet arrangements of your hostess;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_98" id="Pg_98">[98]</a></span>
+while, by being late, you will establish a most disagreeable
+association in the minds of all present, as "the lady
+who kept dinner waiting at Mrs. L&mdash;&mdash;'s."</p>
+
+<p>Immediately upon entering the parlor find your
+hostess, and speak to her first. It is very rude to stop
+to chat with other guests before greeting the lady of the
+house. You may bow to any one you know, in passing,
+but do not stop to speak. Having exchanged a few
+words with your hostess, turn to the other guests, unless
+you are the first arrival. In that case, converse with
+your host and hostess until others come in.</p>
+
+<p>Be careful, if dinner is delayed by the tardiness of
+the guests, or from any other cause, that you do not
+show by your manner that you are aware of such delay.
+To look towards the door often, consult your watch, or
+give tokens of weariness, are all marks of ill-breeding.
+Your hostess will probably be sufficiently annoyed by the
+irregularity itself; do not add to her discomfort by allowing
+her to suppose that her guests perceive the deficiencies.
+Look over the books and pictures with an air of
+interest, converse cheerfully, and in every way appear
+as if dinner were a matter of secondary importance, (as,
+indeed, it should be,) compared with the pleasure of the
+society around you.</p>
+
+<p>When the signal for dinner is given, your hostess will
+probably name your escort to the table. If he is a
+stranger, bow in acknowledgement of the introduction,
+take his arm, and fall into your place in the stream of
+guests passing from the parlor to the dining-room.</p>
+
+<p>Take the seat pointed out by your hostess, or the
+waiter, as soon as it is offered. Each one will do this<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_99" id="Pg_99">[99]</a></span>
+upon entering, and it prevents the confusion that will result
+if those first entering the room, remain standing until
+all the other guests come in.</p>
+
+<p>When you take your seat, be careful that your chair
+does not stand upon the dress of the lady next you, as
+she may not rise at the same instant that you do, and so
+you risk tearing her dress.</p>
+
+<p>Sit gracefully at the table; neither so close as to make
+your movements awkward, nor so far away as to drag
+your food over your dress before it reaches your mouth.
+It is well to carry in your pocket a small pincushion,
+and, having unfolded your napkin, to pin it at the belt.
+You may do this quietly, without its being perceived,
+and you will thus really save your dress. If the napkin
+is merely laid open upon your lap, it will be very apt to
+slip down, if your dress is of silk or satin, and you risk
+the chance of appearing again in the drawing-room with
+the front of your dress soiled or greased.</p>
+
+<p>If, by the carelessness or awkwardness of your neighbors
+or the servants, you have a plate of soup, glass of
+wine, or any dish intended for your mouth, deposited
+upon your dress, do not spring up, or make any exclamation.
+You may wipe off the worst of the spot with your
+napkin, and then let it pass without further notice. If
+an apology is made by the unlucky perpetrator of the
+accident, try to set him at his ease by your own lady-like
+composure. He will feel sorry and awkward
+enough, without reproach, sullenness, or cold looks from
+you.</p>
+
+<p>Gloves and mittens are no longer worn at table, even
+at the largest dinner-parties.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_100" id="Pg_100">[100]</a></span>
+To make remarks upon the guests or the dishes is excessively
+rude.</p>
+
+<p>If the conversation is general, speak loudly enough to
+be heard by those around you, but, at the same time,
+avoid raising your voice <em>too</em> much. If the company is
+very large, and you converse only with the person immediately
+beside you, speak in a distinct, but low tone, that
+you may not interrupt other couples, but carefully avoid
+whispering or a confidential air. Both are in excessively
+bad taste. To laugh in a suppressed way, has the appearance
+of laughing at those around you, and a loud,
+boisterous laugh is always unlady-like. Converse cheerfully,
+laugh quietly, but freely, if you will, and while
+you confine your attention entirely to your neighbor,
+still avoid any air of secrecy or mystery.</p>
+
+<p>Never use an eye-glass, either to look at the persons
+around you or the articles upon the table.</p>
+
+<p>Eat your soup quietly. To make any noise in eating
+it, is simply disgusting. Do not break bread into your
+soup. Break off small pieces and put into your mouth,
+if you will, but neither bite it from the roll nor break it
+up, and eat it from your soup-plate with a spoon.</p>
+
+<p>In eating bread with meat, never dip it into the gravy
+on your plate, and then bite the end off. If you wish
+to eat it with gravy, break off a small piece, put it upon
+your plate, and then, with a fork, convey it to your
+mouth.</p>
+
+<p>When helped to fish, remove, with knife and fork, all
+the bones, then lay down the knife, and, with a piece of
+bread in your left hand and a fork in your right, eat the
+flakes of fish.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_101" id="Pg_101">[101]</a></span>
+Need I say that the knife is to cut your food with,
+and must never be used while eating? To put it in your
+mouth is a distinctive mark of low-breeding.</p>
+
+<p>If you have selected what you will eat, keep the plate
+that is placed before you; never pass it to the persons
+next you, as they may have an entirely different choice
+of meat or vegetables.</p>
+
+<p>Never attempt to touch any dish that is upon the
+table, but out of your reach, by stretching out your arms,
+leaning forward, or, still worse, standing up. Ask the
+waiter to hand it, if you wish for it; or, if the gentleman
+beside you can easily do so, you may ask him to pass it
+to you.</p>
+
+<p>Do not press those near you to take more or other
+things than are upon their plate. This is the duty
+of the hostess, or, if the company is large, the servants
+will attend to it. For you to do so is officious and ill-bred.</p>
+
+<p>When conversing let your knife and fork rest easily
+upon your plate, even if still in your hand. Avoid
+holding them upright. Keep your own knife, fork, and
+spoon solely for the articles upon your own plate. To
+use them for helping yourself to butter or salt, is rude
+in the extreme.</p>
+
+<p>When you do not use the salt-spoon, sugar tongs, and
+butter-knife, you may be sure that those around you will
+conclude that you have never seen the articles, and do
+not know their use.</p>
+
+<p>You need not fear to offend by refusing to take wine
+with a gentleman, even your host. If you decline gracefully,
+he will appreciate the delicacy which makes you<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_102" id="Pg_102">[102]</a></span>
+refuse. If, however, you have no conscientious scruples,
+and are invited to take wine, bow, and merely raise the
+glass to your lips, then set it down again. You may
+thus acknowledge the courtesy, and yet avoid actually
+drinking the wine.</p>
+
+<p>No lady should drink wine at dinner. Even if her
+head is strong enough to bear it, she will find her
+cheeks, soon after the indulgence, flushed, hot, and uncomfortable;
+and if the room is warm, and the dinner a
+long one, she will probably pay the penalty of her folly,
+by having a headache all the evening.</p>
+
+<p>If offered any dish of which you do not wish to partake,
+decline it, but do not assign any reason. To object
+to the dish itself is an insult to your entertainers,
+and if you assert any reason for your own dislike it is
+ill-bred.</p>
+
+<p>Do not bend too much forward over your food, and
+converse easily. To eat fast, or appear to be so much
+engrossed as to be unable to converse, is ill-bred; and it
+makes those around you suspect that you are so little
+accustomed to dining well, that you fear to stop eating
+an instant, lest you should not get enough.</p>
+
+<p>It is equally ill-bred to accept every thing that is
+offered to you. Never take more than two vegetables;
+do not take a second plate of soup, pastry, or pudding.
+Indeed, it is best to accept but <em>one</em> plate of any article.</p>
+
+<p>Never use a spoon for anything but liquids, and never
+touch anything to eat, excepting bread, celery, or fruit,
+with your fingers.</p>
+
+<p>In the intervals which must occur between the courses,
+do not appear to be conscious of the lapse of time. Wear<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_103" id="Pg_103">[103]</a></span>
+a careless air when waiting, conversing cheerfully and
+pleasantly, and avoid looking round the room, as if wondering
+what the waiters are about.</p>
+
+<p>Never eat every morsel that is upon your plate; and
+surely no lady will ever scrape her plate, or pass the
+bread round it, as if to save the servants the trouble of
+washing it.</p>
+
+<p>Take such small mouthfulls that you can always be
+ready for conversation, but avoid playing with your food,
+or partaking of it with an affectation of delicate appetite.
+Your hostess may suppose you despise her fare, if you
+appear so very choice, or eat too sparingly. If your
+state of health deprives you of appetite, it is bad enough
+for you to decline the invitation to dine out.</p>
+
+<p>Never examine minutely the food before you. You
+insult your hostess by such a proceeding, as it looks as
+if you feared to find something upon the plate that should
+not be there.</p>
+
+<p>If you find a worm on opening a nut, or in any of the
+fruit, hand your plate quietly, and without remark, to
+the waiter, and request him to bring you a clean one.
+Do not let others perceive the movement, or the cause of
+it, if you can avoid so doing.</p>
+
+<p>Never make a noise in eating. To munch or smack
+the lips are vulgar faults.</p>
+
+<p>Sit quietly at table, avoid stiffness, but, at the same
+time, be careful that you do not annoy others by your
+restlessness.</p>
+
+<p>Do not eat so fast as to be done long before others, nor
+so slowly as to keep them waiting.</p>
+
+<p>When the finger-glasses are passed round, dip the ends<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_104" id="Pg_104">[104]</a></span>
+of your fingers into them, and wipe them upon your
+napkin; then do not fold your napkin, but place it beside
+your plate upon the table.</p>
+
+<p>To carry away fruit or bonbons from the table is a
+sign of low breeding.</p>
+
+<p>Rise with the other ladies when your hostess gives the
+signal.</p>
+
+<p>After returning to the parlor, remain in the house at
+least an hour after dinner is over. If you have another
+engagement in the evening, you may then take your
+leave, but not before. You will insult your hostess by
+leaving sooner, as it appears that you came only for the
+dinner, and that being over, your interest in the house,
+for the time, has ceased. It is only beggars who "eat
+and run!"</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_105" id="Pg_105">[105]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_XIII" id="CHPTR_XIII"></a>CHAPTER XIII.<br />
+<span class="subttl">TABLE ETIQUETTE.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>In order to appear perfectly well-bred at table when
+in company, or in public, as at a hotel, you must pay
+attention, three times a day, to the points of table
+etiquette. If you neglect these little details at home
+and in private, they will be performed awkwardly and
+with an air of restraint when you are in company. By
+making them habitual, they will become natural, and appear
+easily, and sit gracefully upon you.</p>
+
+<p>Even when eating entirely alone, observe these little
+details, thus making the most finished and elegant manners
+perfectly familiar, and thus avoiding the stiff,
+awkward air you will wear if you keep your politeness
+only for company, when you will be constantly apprehensive
+of doing wrong.</p>
+
+<p>At breakfast or tea, if your seat is at the head of the
+table, you must, before taking anything upon your own
+plate, fill a cup for each one of the family, and pass them
+round, being careful to suit each one in the preparation
+of the cup, that none may return to you for more tea,
+water, sugar, or milk. If you have a visitor, pass the
+cup with the tea or coffee alone in it, and hand with the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_106" id="Pg_106">[106]</a></span>
+cup the sugar bowl and cream pitcher, that these may be
+added in the quantity preferred.</p>
+
+<p>After all the cups have been filled and passed round,
+you may take the bread, butter, and other food upon
+your own plate. Train your children, so that they will
+pass these things to you as soon as they see you are
+ready to receive them.</p>
+
+<p>If you are yourself at the side of the table, pass the
+bread, butter, etc., to the lady at the head, when you see
+that she has sent the cups from the waiter before her, to
+those seated at the table.</p>
+
+<p>If you occupy the place of head of the table, you must
+watch the cups, offer to fill them when empty, and also
+see that each one of the family is well helped to the other
+articles upon the table.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid making any noise in eating, even if each meal
+is eaten in solitary state. It is a disgusting habit, and
+one not easily cured if once contracted, to make any
+noise with the lips when eating.</p>
+
+<p>Never put large pieces of food into your mouth. Eat
+slowly, and cut your food into small pieces before putting
+it into your mouth.</p>
+
+<p>Use your fork, or spoon, never your knife, to put your
+food into your mouth. At dinner, hold in your left hand
+a piece of bread, and raise your meat or vegetables with
+the fork, holding the bread to prevent the pieces slipping
+from the plate.</p>
+
+<p>If you are asked at table what part of the meat you
+prefer, name your favorite piece, but do not give such
+information unless asked to do so. To point out any
+especial part of a dish, and ask for it, is ill-bred. To<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_107" id="Pg_107">[107]</a></span>
+answer, when asked to select a part, that "it is a matter
+of indifference," or, "I can eat any part," is annoying
+to the carver, as he cares less than yourself certainly,
+and would prefer to give you the piece you really like
+best.</p>
+
+<p>Do not pour coffee or tea from your cup into your
+saucer, and do not blow either these or soup. Wait until
+they cool.</p>
+
+<p>Use the butter-knife, salt-spoon, and sugar-tongs as
+scrupulously when alone, as if a room full of people were
+watching you. Otherwise, you may neglect to do so when
+the omission will mortify you.</p>
+
+<p>Never put poultry or fish bones, or the stones of fruit,
+upon the table-cloth, but place them on the edge of
+your plate.</p>
+
+<p>Do not begin to eat until others at the table are ready
+to commence too.</p>
+
+<p>Sit easily in your chair, neither too near the table, nor
+too far from it, and avoid such tricks as putting your
+arms on the table, leaning back lazily in your chair, or
+playing with your knife, fork, or spoon.</p>
+
+<p>Never raise your voice, when speaking, any higher
+than is necessary. The clear articulation and distinct
+pronunciation of each word, will make a low tone more
+agreeable and more easily understood, than the loudest
+tone, if the speech is rapid or indistinct.</p>
+
+<p>Never pass your plate with the knife or fork upon
+it, and when you pass your cup, put the spoon in the
+saucer.</p>
+
+<p>Never pile up the food on your plate. It looks as if
+you feared it would all be gone before you could be<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_108" id="Pg_108">[108]</a></span>
+helped again, and it will certainly make your attempts
+to cut the food awkward, if your plate is crowded.</p>
+
+<p>If there is a delicacy upon the table, partake of it
+sparingly, and never help yourself to it a second time.</p>
+
+<p>If you wish to cough, or use your handkerchief, rise
+from the table, and leave the room. If you have not
+time to do this, cover your mouth, and turn your head
+aside from the table, and perform the disagreeable
+necessity as rapidly and quietly as possible.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid gesticulation at the table. Indeed, a well-bred
+lady will never gesticulate, but converse quietly, letting
+the expression and animation of her features give force
+to her words.</p>
+
+<p>Never, when at the home table, leave it until the other
+members of the family are also ready to rise.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_109" id="Pg_109">[109]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_XIV" id="CHPTR_XIV"></a>CHAPTER XIV.<br />
+<span class="subttl">CONDUCT IN THE STREET.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>A lady's conduct is never so entirely at the mercy of
+critics, because never so public, as when she is in the
+street. Her dress, carriage, walk, will all be exposed to
+notice; every passer-by will look at her, if it is only for
+one glance; every unlady-like action will be marked;
+and in no position will a dignified, lady-like deportment
+be more certain to command respect.</p>
+
+<p>Let me start with you upon your promenade, my
+friend, and I will soon decide your place upon the list of
+well-bred ladies.</p>
+
+<p>First, your dress. Not that scarlet shawl, with a
+green dress, I beg, and&mdash;oh! spare my nerves!&mdash;you are
+not so insane as to put on a blue bonnet. That's right.
+If you wish to wear the green dress, don a black shawl,
+and&mdash;that white bonnet will do very well. One rule you
+must lay down with regard to a walking dress. It must
+never be conspicuous. Let the material be rich, if you
+will; the set of each garment faultless; have collar and
+sleeves snowy white, and wear neatly-fitting, whole, clean
+gloves and boots. Every detail may be scrupulously
+attended to, but let the whole effect be quiet and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_110" id="Pg_110">[110]</a></span>
+modest. Wear a little of one bright color, if you will,
+but not more than one. Let each part of the dress
+harmonize with all the rest; avoid the <em>extreme</em> of fashion,
+and let the dress suit <em>you</em>. If you are short and plump,
+do not wear flounces, because they are fashionable, and
+avoid large plaids, even if they are the very latest style.
+If tall and slight, do not add to the length of your figure
+by long stripes, a little mantilla, and a caricature of a
+bonnet, with long, streaming ribbons. A large, round
+face will never look well, staring from a tiny, delicate
+bonnet; nor will a long, thin one stand the test much
+better. Wear what is becoming to <em>yourself</em>, and only
+bow to fashion enough to avoid eccentricity. To have
+everything in the <em>extreme</em> of fashion, is a sure mark of
+vulgarity.</p>
+
+<p>Wear no jewelry in the street excepting your watch
+and brooch. Jewelry is only suited for full evening
+dress, when all the other details unite to set it off. If
+it is real, it is too valuable to risk losing in the street,
+and if it is <em>not</em> real, no lady should wear it. Mock jewelry
+is utterly detestable.</p>
+
+<p>What are you doing? Sucking the head of your
+parasol! Have you not breakfasted? Take that piece
+of ivory from your mouth! To suck it is unlady-like,
+and let me tell you, excessively unbecoming. Rosy lips
+and pearly teeth can be put to a better use.</p>
+
+<p>Why did you not dress before you came out? It is a
+mark of ill-breeding to draw your gloves on in the street.
+Now your bonnet-strings, and now&mdash;your collar! Pray
+arrange your dress before you leave the house! Nothing
+looks worse than to see a lady fussing over her dress in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_111" id="Pg_111">[111]</a></span>
+the street. Take a few moments more in your dressing-room,
+and so arrange your dress that you will not need
+to think of it again whilst you are out.</p>
+
+<p>Do not walk so fast! you are not chasing anybody!
+Walk slowly, gracefully! Oh, do not drag one foot
+after the other as if you were fast asleep&mdash;set down the
+foot lightly, but at the same time firmly; now, carry
+your head up, not so; you hang it down as if you feared
+to look any one in the face! Nay, that is the other extreme!
+Now you look like a drill-major, on parade!
+So! that is the medium. Erect, yet, at the same time,
+easy and elegant.</p>
+
+<p>Now, my friend, do not swing your arms. You don't
+know what to do with them? Your parasol takes one
+hand; hold your dress up a little with the other. Not
+so! No lady should raise her dress above the ankle.</p>
+
+<p>Take care! don't drag your dress through that mud-puddle!
+Worse and worse! If you take hold of your
+dress on both sides, in that way, and drag it up so high,
+you will be set down as a raw country girl. So. Raise
+it just above the boot, all round, easily, letting it fall
+again in the old folds. Don't shake it down; it will
+fall back of itself.</p>
+
+<p>Stop! don't you see there is a carriage coming? Do
+you want to be thrown down by the horses? You can
+run across? Very lady-like indeed! Surely nothing
+can be more ungraceful than to see a lady shuffle and
+run across a street. Wait until the way is clear and
+then walk slowly across.</p>
+
+<p>Do not try to raise your skirts. It is better to soil
+them. (You were very foolish to wear white skirts this<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_112" id="Pg_112">[112]</a></span>
+muddy day.) <em>They</em> are easily washed, and you cannot
+raise <em>all</em>. You will surely be awkward in making the attempt,
+and probably fail, in spite of your efforts. True,
+they will be badly soiled, and you expose this when you
+raise the dress, but the state of the streets must be seen
+by all who see your share of the dirt, and they will
+apologize for your untidy appearance in a language distinctly
+understood.</p>
+
+<p>Don't hold your parasol so close to your face, nor so
+low down. You cannot see your way clear, and you will
+run against somebody. Always hold an umbrella or
+parasol so that it will clear your bonnet, and leave the
+space before your face open, that you may see your way
+clearly.</p>
+
+<p>If you are ever caught in a shower, and meet a gentleman
+friend who offers an umbrella, accept it, if he will
+accompany you to your destination; but do not deprive
+him of it, if he is not able to join you. Should he insist,
+return it to his house or store the instant you reach
+home, with a note of thanks. If a stranger offers you
+the same services, decline it positively, but courteously,
+at the same time thanking him.</p>
+
+<p>Never stop to speak to a gentleman in the street. If
+you have anything important to say to him, allow him to
+join and walk with you, but do not stop. It is best to
+follow the same rule with regard to ladies, and either
+walk with them or invite them to walk with you, instead
+of stopping to talk.</p>
+
+<p>A lady who desires to pay strict regard to etiquette,
+will not stop to gaze in at the shop windows. It looks
+countrified. If she is alone, it looks as if she were waiting
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_113" id="Pg_113">[113]</a></span>
+for some one; and if she is not alone, she is victimizing
+some one else, to satisfy her curiosity.</p>
+
+<p>Remember that in meeting your gentlemen friends it is
+your duty to speak first, therefore do not cut them by
+waiting to be recognized. Be sure, however, that they
+see you before you bow, or you place yourself in the
+awkward position of having your bow pass, unreturned.</p>
+
+<p>You are not expected to recognize any friend on the
+opposite side of the street. Even if you see them, do
+not bow.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid "cutting" any one. It is a small way of showing
+spite, and lowers you more than your enemy. If
+you wish to avoid any further intercourse bow, coldly
+and gravely, but do not look at any one, to whom you
+are in the habit of bowing, and pass without bowing. If
+you do this, they may flatter themselves that they were
+really unrecognized, but a distant, cold bow will show
+them that you speak from civility only, not from friendship.</p>
+
+<p>In the street a lady takes the arm of a relative, her
+affianced lover, or husband, but of no other gentleman,
+unless the streets are slippery, or in the evening.</p>
+
+<p>When a lady walks with two gentlemen, she should
+endeavor to divide her attention and remarks equally between
+them.</p>
+
+<p>If you do stop in the street, draw near the walls, that
+you may not keep others from passing.</p>
+
+<p>Loud talking and laughing in the street are excessively
+vulgar. Not only this, but they expose a lady to the
+most severe misconstruction. Let your conduct be modest
+and quiet.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_114" id="Pg_114">[114]</a></span>
+If a gentleman, although a stranger, offers his hand
+to assist you in leaving a carriage, omnibus, or to aid
+you in crossing where it is wet or muddy, accept his
+civility, thank him, bow and pass on.</p>
+
+<p>If you wish to take an omnibus or car, see that it is
+not already full. If it is, do not get in. You will annoy
+others, and be uncomfortable yourself.</p>
+
+<p>It is best to carry change to pay car or omnibus fare,
+as you keep others waiting whilst the driver is making
+change, and it is apt to fall into the straw when passing
+from one hand to another.</p>
+
+<p>If a gentleman gives you his seat, hands your fare,
+or offers you any such attention, <em>thank him</em>. It is not
+countrified, it is lady-like. If you do not speak, bow.</p>
+
+<p>Be careful not to be alone in the streets after night
+fall. It exposes you to insult. If you are obliged to
+go out, have a servant, or another lady, if you cannot
+procure the escort of a gentleman, which is, of course,
+the best.</p>
+
+<p>Walk slowly, do not turn your head to the right or
+left, unless you wish to walk that way, and avoid any
+gesture or word that will attract attention.</p>
+
+<p>Never look back! It is excessively ill-bred.</p>
+
+<p>Make no remarks upon those who pass you, while
+there is even a possibility that they may hear you.</p>
+
+<p>Never stare at any one, even if they have peculiarities,
+which make them objects of remark.</p>
+
+<p>In taking your place in an omnibus or car, do so
+quietly, and then sit perfectly still. Do not change your
+place or move restlessly. Make room for others if you
+see that the opposite side is full.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_115" id="Pg_115">[115]</a></span>
+If you walk with a gentleman, when he reaches your
+door invite him in, but if he declines, do not urge him.
+If you are returning from a ball or party, and the hour
+is a very late (or early) one, you are not bound in politeness
+to invite your escort to enter; the hour will be your
+apology for omitting the ceremony.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_116" id="Pg_116">[116]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_XV" id="CHPTR_XV"></a>CHAPTER XV.<br />
+<span class="subttl">LETTER WRITING.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>There is no branch of education called so universally
+into requisition as the art of letter writing; no station,
+high or low, where the necessity for correspondence is
+not felt; no person, young or old, who does not, at some
+time, write, cause to be written, and receive letters.
+From the President in his official capacity, with the busy
+pens of secretaries constantly employed in this branch
+of service, to the Irish laborer who, unable to guide a
+pen, writes, also by proxy, to his kinsfolks across the
+wide ocean; all, at some time, feel the desire to transmit
+some message, word of love, business, or sometimes
+enmity, by letter.</p>
+
+<p>Yet, in spite of the universal need, and almost universal
+habit, there are really but very few persons who
+write a <em>good</em> letter; a letter that is, at the same time
+long enough to interest, yet not long enough to tire;
+sufficiently condensed to keep the attention, and not
+tedious, and yet detailed enough to afford satisfaction;
+that is correct in grammatical construction, properly
+punctuated, written in a clear, legible hand, with the
+date, address, signature, all in the proper place, no words<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_117" id="Pg_117">[117]</a></span>
+whose letters stand in utter defiance to spelling-book
+rules; in short, a well-written letter.</p>
+
+<p>Thousands, millions are sent from post to post every
+day. The lightning speed of the telegraph takes its
+messages from city to city; the panting steamer carries
+from continent to continent its heavy mail-bags, laden
+with its weight of loving messages; the "iron horse"
+drags behind it, its measure of the many missives; while,
+in the far-distant Western wilds, the lumbering wagon
+bears its paper freight, with its pen eloquence, to cheer
+and comfort, or sadden and crush, the waiting emigrants,
+longing for news of home.</p>
+
+<p>To some, who, with hearts desolated by the separation
+from the home circle, could read, with an eager interest,
+volumes of the most common-place, trivial incidents, if
+only connected with the loved ones there, will come
+pages, from the pen of the dearest relative, full of
+learning, wit, and wisdom, wholly uninteresting to the
+receiver.</p>
+
+<p>Why is this? Not from any desire upon the part of
+the writer to display learning or talent, but because,
+writing a letter being to them a great undertaking, and
+the letter being destined to go a long distance, they look
+upon it as an event too unusual to be wasted in detailing
+the simple, every-day details of domestic life, and ransack
+memory and learning for a subject worthy of the long
+journey and unusual labor.</p>
+
+<p>Others will have, from mere acquaintances, long,
+tedious details of uninteresting trivialities, and from the
+near relatives, short, dry epistles, which fall like stones<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_118" id="Pg_118">[118]</a></span>
+upon the heart longing for little, affectionate expressions,
+and home memories.</p>
+
+<p>From some letter writers, who are in the midst of
+scenes and events of the most absorbing interest, letters
+arrive, only a few lines long, without one allusion to the
+interesting matter lying so profusely around them; while
+others, with the scantiest of outward subjects, will, from
+their own teeming brain, write bewitching, absorbing
+epistles, read with eagerness, laid aside with the echo
+of Oliver Twist's petition in a sigh; the reader longing
+for "more."</p>
+
+<p>It is, of course, impossible to lay down any distinct
+rule for the <em>style</em> of letter writing. Embracing, as it
+does, all subjects and all classes, all countries and associations,
+and every relation in which one person can
+stand to another, what would be an imperative rule in
+some cases, becomes positive absurdity in others. Every
+letter will vary from others written before, in either its
+subject, the person addressed, or the circumstances which
+make it necessary to write it.</p>
+
+<p>Letter writing is, in fact, but conversation, carried on
+with the pen, when distance or circumstances prevent the
+easier method of exchanging ideas, by spoken words.
+Write, therefore, as you would speak, were the person to
+whom your letter is addressed seated beside you. As
+amongst relatives and intimate friends you would converse
+with a familiar manner, and in easy language, so
+in your letters to such persons, let your style be simple,
+entirely devoid of effort.</p>
+
+<p>Again, when introduced to a stranger, or conversing
+with one much older than yourself, your manner is respectful
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_119" id="Pg_119">[119]</a></span>
+and dignified; so let the letters addressed to
+those on these terms with yourself, be written in a more
+ceremonious style, but at the same time avoid stiffness,
+and above all, pedantry. A letter of advice to a child,
+would of course demand an entirely different style, from
+that written by a young lady to a friend or relative advanced
+in life; yet the general rule, "write as you
+would converse," applies to each and every case.</p>
+
+<p>Neatness is an important requisite in a letter. To
+send a fair, clean sheet, with the words written in a clear,
+legible hand, will go a great way in ensuring a cordial
+welcome for your letter. Avoid erasures, as they spoil
+the beauty of your sheet. If it is necessary to correct
+a word, draw your pen through it, and write the word
+you wish to use as a substitute, above the one erased;
+do not scratch out the word and write another over it:
+it is untidy, and the second word is seldom legible.
+Another requisite for a good letter is a clear, concise style.
+Use language that will be easily understood, and avoid the
+parenthesis. Important passages in letters are often lost
+entirely, by the ambiguous manner in which they are
+worded, or rendered quite as unintelligible by the blots,
+erasures, or villainously bad hand-writing. A phrase
+may, by the addition or omission of one word, or by the
+alteration of one punctuation mark, convey to the reader
+an entirely different idea from that intended by the
+writer; so, while you write plainly, use good language,
+you must also write carefully, and punctuate properly.</p>
+
+<p>If you are in doubt about the correct spelling of a
+word, do not trust to chance, hoping it may be right, but<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_120" id="Pg_120">[120]</a></span>
+get a dictionary, and be certain that you have spelt it as
+it ought to be.</p>
+
+<p>Simplicity is a great charm in letter-writing. What
+you send in a letter, is, as a general rule, intended for
+the perusal of one person only. Therefore to cumber
+your epistles with quotations, similes, flowery language,
+and a stilted, pedantic style, is in bad taste. You may
+use elegant language, yet use it easily. If you use a
+quotation, let it come into its place naturally, as if
+flowing in perfect harmony with your ideas, and let it be
+short. Long quotations in a letter are tiresome. Make
+no attempt at display in a correspondence. You will err
+as much in such an attempt, as if, when seated face to
+face with your correspondent, alone in your own apartment,
+you were to rise and converse with the gestures
+and language of a minister in his pulpit, or a lecturer
+upon his platform.</p>
+
+<p>As everything, in style, depends upon the subject of
+the letter, and the person to whom it is addressed, some
+words follow, relating to some of the various kinds of
+correspondence:</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Business Letters</span> should be as brief as is consistent
+with the subject; clear, and to the point. Say all that
+is necessary, in plain, distinct language, and say no
+more. State, in forcible words, every point that it is
+desirable for your correspondent to be made acquainted
+with, that your designs and prospects upon the subject
+may be perfectly well understood. Write, in such a
+letter, of nothing but the business in hand; other matters
+will be out of place there. Nowhere is a confused style,
+or illegible writing, more unpardonable than in a business<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_121" id="Pg_121">[121]</a></span>
+letter; nowhere a good style and hand more important.
+Avoid flowery language, too many words, all pathos or
+wit, any display of talent or learning, and every merely
+personal matter, in a business letter.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Letters of Compliment</span> must be restricted, confined
+entirely to one subject. If passing between acquaintances,
+they should be written in a graceful, at the same
+time respectful, manner. Avoid hackneyed expressions,
+commonplace quotations, and long, labored sentences,
+but while alluding to the subject in hand, as if warmly
+interested in it, at the same time endeavor to write in a
+style of simple, natural grace.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Letters of Congratulation</span> demand a cheerful,
+pleasant style, and an appearance of great interest.
+They should be written from the heart, and the cordial,
+warm feelings there will prompt the proper language.
+Be careful, while offering to your friend the hearty congratulations
+her happy circumstances demand, that you
+do not let envy at her good fortune, creep into your
+head, to make the pen utter complaining words at your
+own hard lot. Do not dampen her joy, by comparing
+her happiness with the misery of another. There are
+many clouds in the life of every one of us. While the
+sun shines clearly upon the events of your friend's life
+let her enjoy the brightness and warmth, unshadowed by
+any words of yours. Give her, to the full, your sympathy
+in her rejoicing, cheerful words, warm congratulations,
+and bright hopes for the future. Should there be, at the
+time of her happiness, any sad event you wish to communicate
+to her, of which it is your duty to inform her,
+write it in another letter. If you must send it the same<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_122" id="Pg_122">[122]</a></span>
+day, do so, but let the epistle wishing her joy, go alone,
+unclouded with the news of sorrow. At the same time,
+avoid exaggerated expressions of congratulation, lest you
+are suspected of a desire to be satirical, and avoid underlining
+any words. If the language is not forcible enough
+to convey your ideas, you will not make it better by underlining
+it. If you say to your friend upon her marriage,
+that you wish her "<em>joy</em> in her new relations, and
+<em>hope</em> she may be <em>entirely happy</em> in her domestic life,"
+you make her doubt your wishes, and think you mean to
+ridicule her chances of such happiness.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Letters of Condolence</span> are exceedingly trying, both
+to read and to write. If the affliction which calls for
+them is one which touches you nearly, really grieving
+and distressing you, all written words must seem tame
+and cold, compared with the aching sympathy which dictates
+them. It is hard with the eyes blinded by tears,
+and the hand shaking, to write calmly; and it is impossible
+to express upon paper all the burning thoughts and
+words that would pour forth, were you beside the friend
+whose sorrow is yours. If you do not feel the trial, your
+task is still more difficult, for no letters demand truth,
+spoken from the heart, more than letters of condolence.
+Do not treat the subject for grief too lightly. Write
+words of comfort if you will, but do not appear to consider
+the affliction as a trifle. Time may make it less
+severe, but the first blow of grief must be heavy, and a
+few words of sincere sympathy will outweigh pages of
+mere expressions of hope for comfort, or the careless
+lines that show the letter to be one of mere duty, not
+feeling. Let your friend feel that her sorrow makes her<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_123" id="Pg_123">[123]</a></span>
+dearer to you than ever before, and that her grief is
+yours. To treat the subject with levity, or to wander
+from it into witticisms or every-day chit-chat, is a wanton
+insult, unworthy of a lady and a friend. Do not magnify
+the event, or plunge the mourner into still deeper
+despondency by taking a despairing, gloomy view of the
+sorrow, under which she is bent. Show her the silver
+lining of her cloud, try to soothe her grief, yet be willing
+to admit that it <em>is</em> a cloud, and that she <em>has</em> cause for
+grief. To throw out hints that the sorrow is sent as a
+punishment to an offender; to imply that neglect or imprudence
+on the part of the mourner is the cause of the
+calamity; to hold up the trial as an example of retribution,
+or a natural consequence of wrong doing, is cruel,
+and barbarous. Even if this is true, (indeed, if this is
+the case, it only aggravates the insult); avoid such retrospection.
+It is as if a surgeon, called in to a patient suffering
+from a fractured limb, sat down, inattentive to the
+suffering, to lecture his patient upon the carelessness
+which caused the accident. One of the most touching
+letters of condolence ever written was sent by a literary
+lady, well known in the ranks of our American authoresses,
+to her sister, who had lost her youngest child.
+The words were few, merely:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blocks">
+<p class="smcap">"Sister Darling:</p>
+
+<p>"I cannot write what is in my heart for you to-day,
+it is too full. Filled with a double sorrow, for you, for
+my own grief. Tears blind me, my pen trembles in my
+hand. Oh, to be near you! to clasp you in my arms!<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_124" id="Pg_124">[124]</a></span>
+to draw your head to my bosom, and weep with you!
+Darling, God comfort you, I cannot.</p>
+
+<p class="ralign">"S."</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>That was all. Yet the sorrowing mother said that no
+other letter, though she appreciated the kind motive that
+dictated all, yet none comforted her as did these few
+lines. Written from the heart, their simple eloquence
+touched the heart for which they were intended. Early
+stages of great grief reject <em>comfort</em>, but they long, with
+intense longing, for sympathy.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Letters written to gentlemen</span> should be ceremonious
+and dignified. If the acquaintance is slight, write
+in the third person, if there is a necessity for a letter.
+If a business letter, be respectful, yet not servile. It is
+better to avoid correspondence with gentlemen, particularly
+whilst you are young, as there are many objections
+to it. Still, if a friend of long standing solicits a correspondence,
+and your parents or husband approve and
+permit compliance with the request, it would be over-prudish
+to refuse. Write, however, such letters as, if
+they were printed in the newspapers, would cause you no
+annoyance. If the acquaintance admits of a frank,
+friendly style, be careful that your expressions of good
+will do not become too vehement, and avoid any confidential
+communications. When he begins to ask you to
+keep such and such passages secret, believe me, it is quite
+time to drop the correspondence.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Letters of Enquiry</span>, especially if they request a
+favor, should contain a few lines of compliment. If the
+letter is upon a private subject, such as enquiry with regard
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_125" id="Pg_125">[125]</a></span>
+to the illness or misfortune of a friend, avoid
+making it too brief. To write short, careless letters
+upon such subjects, is unfeeling, and they will surely be
+attributed to motives of obligation or duty, not to interest.
+Letters of enquiry, referring to family matters,
+should be delicately worded, and appear dictated by interest,
+not mere curiosity. If the enquiry refers to
+matters interesting only to yourself, enclose a postage-stamp
+for the reply. In answering such letters, if they
+refer to your own health or subjects interesting to yourself,
+thank the writer for the interest expressed, and answer
+in a satisfactory manner. If the answer interests
+your correspondent only, do not reply as if the enquiry
+annoyed you, but express some interest in the matter of
+the letter, and give as clear and satisfactory reply as is
+in your power.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Letters offering Favors</span>&mdash;Be careful in writing to
+offer a favor, that you do not make your friend feel a
+heavy weight of obligation by over-rating your services.
+The kindness will be duly appreciated, and more highly
+valued if offered in a delicate manner. Too strong a
+sense of obligation is humiliating, so do not diminish the
+real value of the service by forcing the receiver to acknowledge
+a fictitious value. Let the recipient of your
+good will feel that it affords you as much pleasure to confer
+the favor as it will give her to receive it. A letter
+accompanying a present, should be short and gracefully
+worded. The affectionate spirit of such little epistles
+will double the value of the gift which they accompany.
+Never refer to a favor received, in such a letter, as that
+will give your gift the appearance of being payment for<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_126" id="Pg_126">[126]</a></span>
+such favor, and make your letter of about as much value
+as a tradesman's receipted bill.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Letters of Thanks</span> for enquiries made, should be
+short, merely echoing the words of the letter they answer,
+and contain the answer to the question, with an
+acknowledgement of your correspondent's interest. If
+the letter is your own acknowledgement of a favor conferred,
+let the language be simple, but strong, grateful,
+and graceful. Fancy that you are clasping the hand of
+the kind friend who has been generous or thoughtful for
+you, and then write, even as you would speak. Never
+hint that you deem such a favor an obligation to be returned
+at the first opportunity; although this may really
+be the case, it is extremely indelicate to say so. In
+your letter gracefully acknowledge the obligation, and if,
+at a later day, you can return the favor, then let actions,
+not words, prove your grateful recollection of the favor
+conferred upon you. If your letter is written to acknowledge
+the reception of a present, speak of the beauty
+or usefulness of the gift, and of the pleasant associations
+with her name it will always recall.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Letters of Recommendation</span> should be truthful, polite,
+and carefully considered. Such letters may be
+business letters, or they may be given to servants, and
+they must be given only when really deserved. Do not
+be hasty in giving them; remember that you are, in
+some measure responsible for the bearer; therefore, never
+sacrifice truth and frankness, to a mistaken idea of kindness
+or politeness.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Letters of Introduction</span> must be left unsealed.
+They must not contain any allusion to the personal<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_127" id="Pg_127">[127]</a></span>
+qualities of the bearer, as such allusion would be about
+as sure a proof of ill-breeding as if you sat beside your
+friend, and ran over the list of the virtues and talents
+possessed by her. The fact that the person bearing the
+letter is your friend, will be all sufficient reason for cordial
+reception by the friend to whom the letter is addressed.
+The best form is:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blocks">
+<p class="ralign"><span class="smcap">Philadelphia</span>, <i>June</i> 18<i>th</i>, 18&mdash;.</p>
+
+<p class="smcap">My dear Mary:</p>
+
+<p>This letter will be handed to you by Mrs. C., to whom
+I am pleased to introduce you, certain that the acquaintance
+thus formed, between two friends of mine, of so
+long standing and so much beloved, will be pleasant to
+both parties. Any attention that you may find it in
+your power to extend to Mrs. C. whilst she is in your
+city, will be highly appreciated, and gratefully acknowledged,
+by</p>
+
+<p class="ralign"><span class="p-r2">Your sincere friend</span><br />
+A&mdash;&mdash;.</p>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Letters of Advice</span> should not be written unsolicited.
+They will, in all probability, even when requested, be
+unpalatable, and should never be sent unless they can
+really be of service. Write them with frankness and
+sincerity. To write after an act has been committed,
+and is irrevocable, is folly, and it is also unkind. You
+may inform your friend that, "had you been consulted, a
+different course from the one taken would have been recommended,"
+and you may really believe this, yet it will
+probably be false. Seeing the unfavorable result of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_128" id="Pg_128">[128]</a></span>
+wrong course will enable you fully to appreciate the wisdom
+of the right one, but, had you been consulted when
+the matter was doubtful, you would probably have been
+as much puzzled as your friend to judge the proper mode
+of action. You should word a letter of advice delicately,
+stating your opinion frankly and freely, but giving it <em>as</em>
+an opinion, not as a positive law. If the advice is not
+taken, do not feel offended, as others, more experienced
+than yourself upon the point in question, may have also
+been consulted. Let no selfish motive govern such a
+letter. Think only of the good or evil to result to your
+friend, and while you may write warmly and earnestly,
+let the motive be a really disinterested one.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Letters of Excuse</span> should be frank and graceful.
+They must be written promptly, as soon as the occasion
+that calls for them admits. If delayed, they become insulting.
+If such a letter is called forth by an act of
+negligence on your own part, apologize for it frankly,
+and show by your tone that you sincerely desire to regain
+the confidence your carelessness has periled. If
+you have been obliged by positive inability to neglect
+the fulfilment of any promise you have given, or any
+commission you have undertaken, then state the reason
+for your delay, and solicit the indulgence of your friend.
+Do not write in such stiff, formal language that the
+apology will seem forced from you, but offer your excuse
+frankly, as if with a sincere desire to atone for an act
+of negligence, or remove a ground of offence.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Letters of Intelligence</span> are generally the answer to
+letters of enquiry, or the statement of certain incidents
+or facts, interesting both to the writer and reader of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_129" id="Pg_129">[129]</a></span>
+letter. Be careful in writing such a letter that you have
+all the facts in exact accordance with the truth. Remember
+that every word is set down against you, if one
+item of your information prove to be false; and do not
+allow personal opinion or prejudice to dictate a single
+sentence. Never repeat anything gathered from mere
+hearsay, and be careful, in such a letter, that you violate
+no confidence, nor force yourself upon the private affairs
+of any one. Do not let scandal or a mere love of gossip
+dictate a letter of intelligence. If your news is painful,
+state it as delicately as possible, and add a few lines expressive
+of sympathy. If it is your pleasant task to
+communicate a joyful event, make your letter cheerful
+and gay. If you have written any such letter, and,
+after sending it, find you have made any error in a statement,
+write, and correct the mistake immediately. It
+may be a trivial error, yet there is no false or mistaken
+news so trifling as to make a correction unnecessary.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Invitations</span> are generally written in the third person,
+and this form is used where the acquaintance is very
+slight, for formal notes, and cards of compliment. The
+form is proper upon such occasions, but should be used
+only in the most ceremonious correspondence. If this
+style is adopted by a person who has been accustomed to
+write in a more familiar one to you, take it as a hint,
+that the correspondence has, for some reason, become
+disagreeable, and had better cease.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Autograph Letters</span> should be very short; merely
+acknowledging the compliment paid by the request for
+the signature, and a few words expressing the pleasure
+you feel in granting the favor. If you write to ask for<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_130" id="Pg_130">[130]</a></span>
+an autograph, always inclose a postage stamp for the
+answer.</p>
+
+<p>Date every letter you write accurately, and avoid
+postscripts.</p>
+
+<p>Politeness, kindness, both demand that every letter
+you receive must be answered. Nothing can give more
+pleasure in a correspondence, than prompt replies.
+Matters of much importance often rest upon the reply
+to a letter, and therefore this duty should never be delayed.
+In answering friendly letters, it will be found
+much easier to write what is kind and interesting, if you
+sit down to the task as soon as you read your friend's
+letter. Always mention the date of the letter to which
+your own is a reply.</p>
+
+<p>Never write on a half sheet of paper. Paper is cheap,
+and a <em>half</em> sheet looks both mean and slovenly. If you
+do not write but three lines, still send the whole sheet
+of paper. Perfectly plain paper, thick, smooth, and
+white, is the most elegant. When in mourning, use
+paper and envelopes with a black edge. Never use the
+gilt edged, or fancy bordered paper; it looks vulgar, and
+is in bad taste. You may, if you will, have your initials
+stamped at the top of the sheet, and on the seal of the
+envelope, but do not have any fancy ornaments in the
+corners, or on the back of the envelope.</p>
+
+<p>You will be guilty of a great breach of politeness, if
+you answer either a note or letter upon the half sheet of
+the paper sent by your correspondent, even though it
+may be left blank.</p>
+
+<p>Never write, even the shortest note, in pencil. It looks
+careless, and is rude.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_131" id="Pg_131">[131]</a></span>
+Never write a letter carelessly. It may be addressed
+to your most intimate friend, or your nearest relative,
+but you can never be sure that the eye for which it is
+intended, will be the <em>only</em> one that sees it. I do not
+mean by this, that the epistle should be in a formal,
+studied <em>style</em>, but that it must be correct in its grammatical
+construction, properly punctuated, with every word
+spelt according to rule. Even in the most familiar
+epistles, observe the proper rules for composition; you
+would not in conversing, even with your own family, use
+incorrect grammar, or impertinent language; therefore
+avoid saying upon paper what you would not say with
+your tongue.</p>
+
+<p>Notes written in the third person, must be continued
+throughout in the same person; they are frequently very
+mysterious from the confusion of pronouns, yet it is a
+style of correspondence much used and very proper upon
+many occasions. For compliment, inquiry where there
+is no intimacy between the parties, from superiors to
+inferiors, the form is elegant and proper. If you receive
+a note written in the third person, reply in the same
+form, but do not reply thus to a more familiar note or
+letter, as it is insulting, and implies offence taken. If
+you wish to repel undue familiarity or impertinence in
+your correspondent, then reply to the epistle in the most
+formal language, and in the third person.</p>
+
+<p>It is an extraordinary fact, that persons who have received
+a good education, and who use their pens frequently,
+will often, in writing notes, commence in the third person
+and then use the second or first personal pronoun, and
+finish by a signature; thus&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_132" id="Pg_132">[132]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="blocks">
+<p>Miss Claire's compliments to Mr. James, and wishes
+to know whether you have finished reading my copy of
+"Jane Eyre," as if Mr. James had finished it, I would
+like to lend it to another friend.</p>
+
+<p class="ralign">
+<span class="p-r2">Sincerely yours,</span><br />
+<span class="smcap">Ella Claire</span>.</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>The errors in the above are too glaring to need comment,
+yet, with only the alteration of names, it is a copy,
+<i>verbatim</i>, of a note written by a well educated girl.</p>
+
+<p>Never sign a note written in the third person, if you
+begin the note with your own name. It is admissible, if
+the note is worded in this way:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blocks">
+<p>Will Mr. James return by bearer, the copy of "Jane
+Eyre" he borrowed, if he has finished reading it, and
+oblige his sincere friend,</p>
+
+<p class="ralign smcap">Ella Claire.</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>If you use a quotation, never omit to put it in quotation
+marks, otherwise your correspondent may, however
+unjustly, accuse you of a desire to pass off the idea and
+words of another, for your own.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid postscripts. Above all, never send an inquiry
+or compliment in a postscript. To write a long letter,
+upon various subjects, and in the postscript desire to be
+remembered to your friend's family, or inquire for
+their welfare, instead of a compliment, becomes insulting.
+It is better, if you have not time to write again
+and place such inquiries above your signature, to omit
+them entirely. Nobody likes to see their name mentioned
+as an afterthought.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_133" id="Pg_133">[133]</a></span>
+Punctuate your letters carefully. The want of a mark
+of punctuation, or the incorrect placing of it, will make
+the most woful confusion. I give an instance of the
+utter absurdity produced by the alteration of punctuation
+marks, turning a sensible paragraph to the most arrant
+nonsense:</p>
+
+<p>"Cæsar entered; on his head his helmet; on his feet
+armed sandals; upon his brow there was a cloud; in his
+right hand his faithful sword; in his eye an angry glare;
+saying nothing, he sat down."</p>
+
+<p>By using precisely the same words, merely altering
+the position of the punctuation marks, we have&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Cæsar entered on his head; his helmet on his feet;
+armed sandals upon his brow; there was a cloud in his
+right hand; his faithful sword in his eye; an angry glare
+saying nothing; he sat down."</p>
+
+<p>Be careful, then, to punctuate properly, that you may
+convey to the reader the exact sense of what is in your
+mind.</p>
+
+<p>If you receive an impertinent letter, treat it with contempt;
+do not answer it.</p>
+
+<p>Never answer a letter by proxy, when you are able to
+write yourself. It is a mark of respect and love, to
+answer, in your own hand, all letters addressed to you.
+If you are obliged to write to a friend to refuse to grant
+a favor asked, you will lessen the pain of refusal by
+wording your letter delicately. Loving words, if it is a
+near friend, respectful, kind ones if a mere acquaintance,
+will make the disagreeable contents of the letter more
+bearable. Try to make the <em>manner</em> smooth and soften
+the hardness of the <em>matter</em>.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_134" id="Pg_134">[134]</a></span>
+Every letter must embrace the following particulars:
+1st. The date. 2d. The complimentary address. 3d.
+The body of the letter. 4th. The complimentary
+closing. 5th. The signature. 6th. The address.</p>
+
+<p>There are two ways of putting the date, and the address.
+The first is to place them at the top of the sheet,
+the other is to place them after the signature.</p>
+
+<p>When at the top, you write the name of your residence,
+or that of the city in which you reside, with the
+day of the month and the year, at the right hand of the
+first line of the sheet. Then, at the left hand of the
+next line, write the address, then the complimentary address
+below the name; thus&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blocks">
+<p class="ralign">
+<span class="smcap p-r2">Willow Grove, New York,</span><br />
+<i>June</i> 27<i>th</i>, 1859.</p>
+
+<p class="smcap">Mrs. E. C. Howell,</p>
+
+<p><span class="p-l4">My dear Madam,</span><br />
+<span class="p-l8">I received your letter, etc.</span></p>
+</div>
+
+<p>At the end of the letter, on the right hand of the
+sheet, put the complimentary closing, and then the signature;
+thus&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blocks">
+<p class="ralign">
+<span class="p-r6">I remain, my dear Madam,</span><br />
+<span class="p-r4">With much respect,</span><br />
+<span class="p-r2">Yours sincerely,</span><br />
+<span class="smcap">S. E. Law</span>.</p>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_135" id="Pg_135">[135]</a></span>
+If you place the date and address after the signature,
+put it at the left of the sheet; thus&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blocks">
+<p class="ralign">
+<span class="p-r6">I remain, my dear Madam,</span><br />
+<span class="p-r4">With much respect,</span><br />
+<span class="p-r2">Yours sincerely,</span><br />
+<span class="smcap">S. E. Law</span>.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. E. C. Howell.</span><br />
+<span class="p-l4"><i>June</i> 27<i>th</i>, 1859.</span></p>
+</div>
+
+<p>For a long letter, it is better to put the date and address
+at the top of the page. For a letter of only a
+few lines, which ends on the first page, the second form
+is best. In a letter written to a person in the same city,
+you need not put the address under the signature; if not,
+write it&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blocks">
+<p class="ralign smcap">
+<span class="p-r10">S. E. Law,</span><br />
+Willow Grove, New York.</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>In writing to a dear friend or relative, where there is
+no formality required, you may omit the name at the top
+of the letter; put the date and address thus&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blocks">
+<p class="ralign">
+<span class="smcap p-r2">Willow Grove, New York,</span><br />
+<i>June</i> 27<i>th</i>, 1859.</p>
+
+<p class="smcap">Dear Anna:</p>
+
+<p class="p-l4">I write, etc.</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>It is best, however, to put the full name at the bottom
+of the last page, in case the letter is mislaid without the
+envelope; thus&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blocks">
+<p class="ralign smcap">E. C. Law.</p>
+
+<p class="smcap">Miss Anna Wright.</p>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_136" id="Pg_136">[136]</a></span>
+If you use an envelope, and this custom is now universal,
+fold your letter neatly to fit into it; then direct on
+the envelope. Put first the name, then the name of the
+person to whose care the letter must be directed, then
+the street, the city, and State. If the town is small, put
+also the county.</p>
+
+<p>This is the form:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blocks">
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Anna Wright</span>,<br />
+<span class="p-l2">Care of Mr. John C. Wright,</span><br />
+<span class="p-l4">No. 40, Lexington street,</span><br />
+<span class="p-l6">Greensburg&mdash;Lee County.</span><br />
+<span class="p-l16">Mass.</span></p>
+</div>
+
+<p>If the city is a large one, New York, Philadelphia,
+Baltimore, or any of the principal cities of the Union,
+you may omit the name of the county. If your letter
+is to go abroad, add the name of the country: as, England,
+or France, in full, under that of the city.</p>
+
+<p>The name of the state is usually abbreviated, and for
+the use of my readers, I give the names of the United
+States with their abbreviations:</p>
+
+<p>Maine, Me. New Hampshire, N. H. Vermont, Vt.
+Massachusetts, Mass. Rhode Island, R. I. Connecticut,
+Conn. New York, N. Y. New Jersey, N. J.
+Pennsylvania, Pa., or, Penn. Delaware, Del. Maryland,
+Md. Virginia, Va. North Carolina, N. C. South
+Carolina, S. C. Georgia, Ga., or, Geo. Alabama,
+Ala. Mississippi, Miss. Missouri, Mo. Louisiana, La.
+Tennessee, Tenn. Kentucky, Ky. Indiana, Ind.
+Ohio, O. Michigan, Mich. Illinois, Ill. Wisconsin,
+Wis. Arkansas, Ark. Texas, Tex. Iowa, Io. Florida,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_137" id="Pg_137">[137]</a></span>
+Flo. Oregon, O. California, Cal. Minnesota,
+Minn. District of Columbia, D. C. If you are writing
+from another country to America, put United States of
+America after the name of the state.</p>
+
+<p>On the upper right hand corner of your envelope, put
+your postage-stamp.</p>
+
+<p>If you send a letter by private hand, write the name
+of the bearer in the lower left hand corner, thus:</p>
+
+<div class="blocks">
+<p class="ralign"><span class="smcap p-r4">Mrs. E. A. Howell,</span><br />
+<span class="p-r2">Clinton Place,</span><br />
+Boston.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. G. G. Lane.</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>In directing to any one who can claim any prefix, or
+addition, to his proper name do not omit to put that "republican
+title." For a clergyman, Rev. for Reverend is
+put before the name, thus:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class="center smcap">Rev. James C. Day.</p>
+
+<p>For a bishop:</p>
+
+<p class="center smcap">Right Reverend E. Banks.</p>
+
+<p>For a physician:</p>
+
+<p class="center smcap">Dr. James Curtis.</p>
+
+<p class="center">or,</p>
+
+<p class="center smcap">James Curtis, M.D.</p>
+
+<p>For a member of Congress:</p>
+
+<p class="center smcap">Hon. E. C. Delta.</p>
+
+<p>For an officer in the navy:</p>
+
+<p class="center smcap">Capt. Henry Lee, U. S. N.</p>
+
+<p>For an officer in the army:</p>
+
+<p class="center smcap">Col. Edward Holmes, U. S. A.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_138" id="Pg_138">[138]</a></span>
+For a professor:</p>
+
+<p class="center smcap">Prof. E. L. James.</p>
+
+<p>If the honorary addition, LL.D., A. M., or any such
+title belongs to your correspondent, add it to his name
+on the envelope, thus:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class="center smcap">J. L. Peters, LL.D.</p>
+
+<p>If you seal with wax, it is best to put a drop under
+the turn-over, and fasten this down firmly before you
+drop the wax that is to receive the impression.</p>
+
+<p>Cards of compliment are usually written in the third
+person. I give a few of the most common and proper
+forms.</p>
+
+<p>For a party:</p>
+
+<div class="blocks"><p>Miss Lee's compliments to Mr. Bates, for Wednesday
+evening, Nov. 18th, at 8 o'clock.</p></div>
+
+<p>Addressed to a lady:</p>
+
+<div class="blocks"><p>Miss Lee requests the pleasure of Miss Howard's company
+on Wednesday evening, Nov. 18th, at 8 o'clock.</p></div>
+
+<p>For a ball, the above form, with the word <em>Dancing</em>, in
+the left hand corner.</p>
+
+<p>Invitations to dinner or tea specify the entertainment
+thus:</p>
+
+<div class="blocks"><p>Mrs. Garret's compliments to Mr. and Mrs. Howard,
+and requests the pleasure of their company to dine (or
+take tea) on Wednesday, Nov. 6th, at 6 o'clock.</p></div>
+
+<p>The form for answering, is:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_139" id="Pg_139">[139]</a></span></p>
+
+<div class="blocks"><p>Miss Howard accepts with pleasure Miss Lee's polite
+invitation for Wednesday evening.</p>
+
+<p class="center">or,</p>
+
+<p>Miss Howard regrets that a prior engagement will
+prevent her accepting Miss Lee's polite invitation for
+Wednesday evening.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. and Mrs. Howard's compliments to Mrs. Garret,
+and accept with pleasure her kind invitation for Wednesday.</p>
+
+<p class="center">or,</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Howard regrets that the severe illness of Mr.
+Howard will render it impossible for either herself or
+Mr. Howard to join Mrs. Garret's party on Wednesday
+next.</p></div>
+
+<p>Upon visiting cards, left when the caller is about to
+leave the city, the letters <i>p. p. c.</i> are put in the left hand
+corner, they are the abbreviation of the French words,
+<i>pour prendre congé</i>, or may, with equal propriety, stand
+for <i>presents parting compliments</i>. Another form, <i>p. d. a.</i>,
+<i>pour dire adieu</i>, may be used.</p>
+
+<p>No accomplishment within the scope of human knowledge
+is so beautiful in all its features as that of epistolary
+correspondence. Though distance, absence, and
+circumstances may separate the holiest alliances of
+friendship, or those who are bound together by the still
+stronger ties of affection, yet the power of interchanging
+thoughts, words, feelings, and sentiments, through the
+medium of letters, adds a sweetness to the pain of separation,
+renovating to life, and adding to happiness.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_140" id="Pg_140">[140]</a></span>
+The wide ocean may roll between those who have
+passed the social years of youth together, or the snow-capped
+Alps may rise in sublime grandeur, separating
+early associates; still young remembrances may be called
+up, and the paradise of memory made to bloom afresh
+with unwithered flowers of holy recollection.</p>
+
+<p>Though we see not eye to eye and face to face, where
+the soft music of a loved voice may fall with its richness
+upon the ear, yet the very soul and emotions of the mind
+may be poured forth in such melody as to touch the
+heart "that's far away," and melt down the liveliest eye
+into tears of ecstatic rapture.</p>
+
+<p>Without the ability to practice the refined art of epistolary
+correspondence, men would become cold and discordant:
+an isolated compound of misanthropy. They
+would fall off in forsaken fragments from the great bond
+of union which now adorns and beautifies all society.
+Absence, distance, and time would cut the silken cords
+of parental, brotherly, and even connubial affection.
+Early circumstances would be lost in forgetfulness, and
+the virtues of reciprocal friendship "waste their sweetness
+on the desert air."</p>
+
+<p>Since, then, the art and practice of letter-writing is
+productive of so much refined and social happiness, a
+laudable indulgence in it must ever be commendable.
+While it elevates the noble faculties of the mind, it also
+chastens the disposition, and improves those intellectual
+powers which would otherwise remain dormant and useless.</p>
+
+<p>Notwithstanding the various beauties and pleasures
+attendant upon the accomplishment, yet there are many<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_141" id="Pg_141">[141]</a></span>
+who have given it but a slight portion of their attention,
+and have, therefore, cause to blush at their own ignorance
+when necessity demands its practice. There is no better
+mode by which to test the acquirements of either a
+young lady or gentleman than from their letters.</p>
+
+<p>Letters are among the most useful forms of composition.
+There are few persons, who can read or write at
+all, who do not frequently have occasion to write them;
+and an elegant letter is much more rare than an elegant
+specimen of any other kind of writing.</p>
+
+<p>The more rational and elevated the topics are, on
+which you write, the less will you care for your letters
+being seen, or for paragraphs being read out of them;
+and where there is no need of any secrecy, it is best not
+to bind your friend by promises, but to leave it to her
+discretion.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_142" id="Pg_142">[142]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_XVI" id="CHPTR_XVI"></a>CHAPTER XVI.<br />
+<span class="subttl">POLITE DEPORTMENT, AND GOOD HABITS.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>Lord Chesterfield says, "Good sense and good
+nature suggest civility in general; but in good breeding
+there are a thousand little delicacies which are established
+only by custom."</p>
+
+<p>It is the knowledge and practice of such "little delicacies"
+which constitutes the greatest charm of society.</p>
+
+<p>Manner may be, and, in most cases, probably is, the
+cloak of the heart; this cloak may be used to cover defects,
+but is it not better so to conceal these defects, than
+to flaunt and parade them in the eyes of all whom we
+may meet?</p>
+
+<p>Many persons plead a love of truth as an apology for
+rough manners, as if truth was never gentle and kind,
+but always harsh, morose, and forbidding. Surely good
+manners and a good conscience are no more inconsistent
+with each other than beauty and innocence, which are
+strikingly akin, and always look the better for companionship.
+Roughness and honesty are indeed sometimes
+found together in the same person, but he is a poor judge
+of human nature who takes ill-manners to be a guarantee
+of probity of character. Some persons object to politeness,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_143" id="Pg_143">[143]</a></span>
+that its language is unmeaning and false. But this
+is easily answered. A lie is not locked up in a phrase,
+but must exist, if at all, in the mind of the speaker. In
+the ordinary compliments of civilized life, there is no intention
+to deceive, and consequently no falsehood.
+Polite language is pleasant to the ear, and soothing to
+the heart, while rough words are just the reverse; and
+if not the product of ill temper, are very apt to produce
+it. The plainest of truths, let it be remembered, can be
+conveyed in civil speech, while the most malignant lies
+may find utterance, and often do, in the language of the
+fishmarket.</p>
+
+<p>Many ladies say, "Oh, I am perfectly frank and outspoken;
+I never stop to mince words," or, "there is no
+affectation about me; all my actions are perfectly natural,"
+and, upon the ground of frankness, will insult and
+wound by rude language, and defend awkwardness and
+ill-breeding by the plea of "natural manners."</p>
+
+<p>If nature has not invested you with all the virtues
+which may be desirable in a lady, do not make your
+faults more conspicuous by thrusting them forward upon
+all occasions, and at all times. "Assume a virtue if you
+have it not," and you will, in time, by imitation, acquire
+it.</p>
+
+<p>By endeavoring to <em>appear</em> generous, disinterested,
+self-sacrificing, and amiable, the opposite passions will be
+brought into subjection, first in the manner, afterwards
+in the heart. It is not the desire to deceive, but the
+desire to please, which will dictate such a course. When
+you hear one, who pretends to be a lady, boast that she
+is rough, capricious, and gluttonous, you may feel sure<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_144" id="Pg_144">[144]</a></span>
+that she has never tried to conquer these faults, or she
+would be ashamed, not proud, of them.</p>
+
+<p>The way to make yourself pleasing to others, is to
+show that you care for them. The whole world is like
+the miller at Mansfield, "who cared for nobody&mdash;no,
+not he&mdash;because nobody cared for him." And the whole
+world will serve you so, if you give them the same cause.
+Let every one, therefore, see that you do care for them,
+by showing them, what Sterne so happily calls, "the
+small, sweet courtesies of life," those courtesies in which
+there is no parade; whose voice is too still to tease, and
+which manifest themselves by tender and affectionate
+looks, and little, kind acts of attention, giving others the
+preference in every little enjoyment at the table, in the
+field, walking, sitting, or standing.</p>
+
+<p>Thus the first rule for a graceful manner is unselfish
+consideration of others.</p>
+
+<p>By endeavoring to acquire the habit of politeness, it
+will soon become familiar, and sit on you with ease, if
+not with elegance. Let it never be forgotten, that genuine
+politeness is a great fosterer of family love; it
+allays accidental irritation, by preventing harsh retorts
+and rude contradictions; it softens the boisterous, stimulates
+the indolent, suppresses selfishness, and by forming
+a habit of consideration for others, harmonizes the
+whole. Politeness begets politeness, and brothers may
+be easily won by it, to leave off the rude ways they bring
+home from school or college. Sisters ought never to
+receive any little attention without thanking them for it,
+never to ask a favor of them but in courteous terms,
+never to reply to their questions in monosyllables, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_145" id="Pg_145">[145]</a></span>
+they will soon be ashamed to do such things themselves.
+Both precept and example ought to be laid under contribution,
+to convince them that no one can have really
+good manners abroad, who is not habitually polite at
+home.</p>
+
+<p>If you wish to be a well-bred lady, you must carry
+your good manners everywhere with you. It is not a
+thing that can be laid aside and put on at pleasure.
+True politeness is uniform disinterestedness in trifles,
+accompanied by the calm self-possession which belongs
+to a noble simplicity of purpose; and this must be the
+effect of a Christian spirit running through all you do,
+or say, or think; and, unless you cultivate it and exercise
+it, upon all occasions and towards all persons, it will
+never be a part of yourself.</p>
+
+<p>It is not an art to be paraded upon public occasions,
+and neglected in every-day duties; nor should it, like a
+ball-dress, be carefully laid aside at home, trimmed, ornamented,
+and worn only when out. Let it come into
+every <em>thought</em>, and it will show forth in every <em>action</em>.
+Let it be the rule in the homeliest duties, and then it will
+set easily when in public, not in a stiff manner, like a
+garment seldom worn.</p>
+
+<p>I wish it were possible to convince every woman that
+politeness is a most excellent good quality; that it is a
+necessary ingredient in social comfort, and a capital assistant
+to actual prosperity. Like most good things,
+however, the word politeness is often misunderstood and
+misapplied; and before urging the practical use of that
+which it represents, it may be necessary to say what it
+means, and what it does not mean.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_146" id="Pg_146">[146]</a></span>
+Politeness is not hypocrisy:&mdash;cold-heartedness, or unkindness
+in disguise. There are persons who can smile
+upon a victim, and talk smoothly, while they injure, deceive,
+or betray. And they will take credit to themselves,
+that all has been done with the utmost <em>politeness</em>;
+that every tone, look, and action, has been in perfect
+keeping with the rules of good breeding. "The words
+of their mouth are smoother than butter, but war is in
+their heart: their words are softer than oil, yet are they
+drawn swords." Perish for ever and ever such spurious
+politeness as this!</p>
+
+<p>Politeness is not servility. If it were so, a Russian
+serf would be a model of politeness. It is very possible
+for persons to be very cringing and obsequious, without
+a single atom of politeness; and it often happens that
+men of the most sturdy independence of character, are
+essentially polite in all their words, actions, and feelings.
+It were well for this to be fully understood, for many
+people will abstain from acts of real politeness, and even
+of common civility, for fear of damaging their fancied
+independence.</p>
+
+<p>True politeness, as I understand it, is kindness and
+courtesy of feeling brought into every-day exercise.
+It comprehends hearty good will towards everybody,
+thorough and constant good-humor, an easy deportment,
+and obliging manners. Every person who cultivates
+such feelings, and takes no pains to conceal them, will
+necessarily be polite, though she may not exactly know
+it; while, on the other hand, a woman essentially morose
+and selfish, whatever may be her pretensions, must be
+very far from truly polite.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_147" id="Pg_147">[147]</a></span>
+It is very true there are those whose position in society
+compels them to observe certain rules of etiquette which
+pass for politeness. They bow or courtesy with a decent
+grace; shake hands with the precise degree of vigor
+which the circumstances of the case require; speak just
+at the right time, and in the required manner, and smile
+with elegant propriety. Not a tone, look, or gesture, is
+out of place; not a habit indulged which etiquette forbids;
+and yet, there will be wanting, after all, the secret
+charm of sincerity and heart kindness, which those outward
+signs are intended to represent; and, wanting
+which, we have only the form, without the essence, of
+politeness.</p>
+
+<p>Let me recommend, therefore, far beyond all the rules
+ever penned by teachers of etiquette, the cultivation of
+kind and loving feelings. Throw your whole soul into
+the lesson, and you will advance rapidly towards the
+perfection of politeness, for "out of the abundance of
+the heart the mouth speaketh," and the movements of
+your form and the words you utter will follow faithfully
+the hidden springs of action within.</p>
+
+<p>There cannot be genuine good breeding to any happy
+degree, where there is not self-respect. It is that which
+imparts ease and confidence to our manners, and impels
+us, for our own sake, as well as for the sake of others, to
+behave becomingly as intelligent beings.</p>
+
+<p>It is a want of true politeness that introduces the discord
+and confusion which too often make our homes unhappy.
+A little consideration for the feelings of those
+whom we are bound to love and cherish, and a little
+sacrifice of our own wills, would, in multitudes of instances,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_148" id="Pg_148">[148]</a></span>
+make all the difference between alienation and growing
+affection. The principle of genuine politeness would accomplish
+this; and what a pity it is that those whose
+only spring of rational enjoyment is to be found at <em>home</em>,
+should miss that enjoyment by a disregard of little
+things, which, after all, make up the sum of human
+existence!</p>
+
+<p>What a large amount of actual discomfort in domestic
+life would be prevented, if all children were trained, both
+by precept and example, to the practice of common
+politeness! If they were taught to speak respectfully
+to parents, and brothers, and sisters, to friends, neighbors,
+and strangers, what bawlings, and snarlings
+would be stilled! If their behavior within doors, and
+especially at the table, were regulated by a few of
+the common rules of good breeding, how much natural
+and proper disgust would be spared! If courtesy of demeanor,
+towards all whom they meet in field or highway,
+were instilled, how much more pleasant would be our
+town travels, and our rustic rambles! Every parent has
+a personal interest in this matter; and if every parent
+would but make the needful effort, a great degree of
+gross incivility, and consequent annoyance, would soon
+be swept away from our hearths and homes.</p>
+
+<p>Whilst earnestly endeavoring to acquire true politeness,
+avoid that spurious imitation, affectation. It is to
+genuine politeness and good breeding, what the showy
+paste is to the pure diamond. It is the offspring of a
+sickly taste, a deceitful heart, and a sure proof of low
+breeding.</p>
+
+<p>The certain test of affectation in any individual, is the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_149" id="Pg_149">[149]</a></span>
+looking, speaking, moving, or acting in any way different
+when in the presence of others, especially those whose
+opinion we regard and whose approbation we desire, from
+what we should do in solitude, or in the presence of those
+only whom we disregard, or who we think cannot injure
+or benefit us. The motive for resisting affectation is, that
+it is both unsuccessful and sinful. It always involves a
+degree of hypocrisy, which is exceedingly offensive in
+the sight of God, which is generally detected even by
+men, and which, when detected, exposes its subject to
+contempt which could never have been excited by the
+mere absence of any quality or possession, as it is by
+the false assumption of what is not real. The best cure
+for affectation is the cultivation, on principle, of every
+good, virtuous, and amiable habit and feeling, not for
+the sake of being approved or admired, but because it is
+right in itself, and without considering what people will
+think of it. Thus a real character will be formed instead
+of a part being assumed, and admiration and love
+will be spontaneously bestowed where they are really deserved.
+Artificial manners are easily seen through; and
+the result of such observations, however accomplished
+and beautiful the object may be, is contempt for such littleness.</p>
+
+<p>Many ladies, moving, too, in good society, will affect
+a forward, bold manner, very disagreeable to persons of
+sense. They will tell of their wondrous feats, when engaged
+in pursuits only suited for men; they will converse
+in a loud, boisterous tone; laugh loudly; sing comic
+songs, or dashing bravuras in a style only fit for the
+stage or a gentleman's after-dinner party; they will lay<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_150" id="Pg_150">[150]</a></span>
+wagers, give broad hints and then brag of their success
+in forcing invitations or presents; interlard their conversation
+with slang words or phrases suited only to the
+stable or bar-room, and this they think is a dashing, fascinating
+manner. It may be encouraged, admired, in
+their presence, by gentlemen, and imitated by younger
+ladies, but, be sure, it is looked upon with contempt, and
+disapproval by every one of good sense, and that to persons
+of real refinement it is absolutely disgusting.</p>
+
+<p>Other ladies, taking quite as mistaken a view of real
+refinement, will affect the most childish timidity, converse
+only in whispers, move slowly as an invalid, faint at the
+shortest notice, and on the slightest provocation; be
+easily moved to tears, and profess never to eat, drink,
+or sleep. This course is as absurd as the other, and
+much more troublesome, as everybody dreads the scene
+which will follow any shock to the dear creature's nerves,
+and will be careful to avoid any dangerous topics.</p>
+
+<p>Self-respect, and a proper deference for our superiors
+in age or intellect, will be the best safeguards against
+either a cringing or insolent manner.</p>
+
+<p>Without self-respect you will be apt to be both awkward
+and bashful; either of which faults are entirely inconsistent
+with a graceful manner. Be careful that
+while you have sufficient self-respect to make your manner
+easy, it does not become arrogance and so engender
+insolence. Avoid sarcasm; it will, unconsciously to
+yourself, degenerate into pertness, and often downright
+rudeness. Do not be afraid to speak candidly, but temper
+candor with courtesy, and never let wit run into that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_151" id="Pg_151">[151]</a></span>
+satire that will wound deeply, whilst it amuses only
+slightly.</p>
+
+<p>Let your carriage be at once dignified and graceful.
+There are but few figures that will bear quick motion;
+with almost every one its effect is that of a jerk, a most
+awkward movement. Let the feet, in walking or dancing,
+be turned out slightly; when you are seated, rest
+them both on the floor or a footstool. To sit with the
+knees or feet crossed or doubled up, is awkward and unlady-like.
+Carry your arms, in walking, easily; never
+crossing them stiffly or swinging them beside you. When
+seated, if you are not sewing or knitting, keep your
+hands perfectly quiet. This, whilst one of the most difficult
+accomplishments to attain, is the surest mark of a
+lady. Do not fidget, playing with your rings, brooch,
+or any little article that may be near you; let your hands
+rest in an easy, natural position, perfectly quiet.</p>
+
+<p>Never gesticulate when conversing; it looks theatrical,
+and is ill-bred; so are all contortions of the features,
+shrugging of shoulders, raising of the eyebrows, or
+hands.</p>
+
+<p>When you open a conversation, do so with a slight
+bow and smile, but be careful not to simper, and not to
+smile too often, if the conversation becomes serious.</p>
+
+<p>Never point. It is excessively ill-bred.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid exclamations; they are in excessively bad taste,
+and are apt to be vulgar words. A lady may express
+as much polite surprise or concern by a few simple,
+earnest words, or in her manner, as she can by exclaiming
+"Good gracious!" "Mercy!" or "Dear me!"</p>
+
+<p>Remember that every part of your person and dress<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_152" id="Pg_152">[152]</a></span>
+should be in perfect order before you leave the dressing-room,
+and avoid all such tricks as smoothing your hair
+with your hand, arranging your curls, pulling the waist
+of your dress down, or settling your collar or sleeves.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid lounging attitudes, they are indelicate, except
+in your own private apartment. Nothing but ill health
+will excuse them before company, and a lady had better
+keep her room if she is too feeble to sit up in the drawing-room.</p>
+
+<p>Let your deportment suit your age and figure; to see
+a tiny, fairy-like young girl, marching erect, stiff, and
+awkwardly, like a soldier on parade, is not more absurd
+than to see a middle-aged, portly woman, aping the
+romping, hoydenish manners of a school-girl.</p>
+
+<p>Let the movements be easy and flexible, and accord
+with the style of the lady.</p>
+
+<p>Let your demeanor be always marked by modesty and
+simplicity; as soon as you become forward or affected,
+you have lost your greatest charm of manner.</p>
+
+<p>You should be quite as anxious to <em>talk</em> with propriety
+as you are to think, work, sing, paint, or write, according
+to the most correct rules.</p>
+
+<p>Always select words calculated to convey an exact impression
+of your meaning.</p>
+
+<p>Let your articulation be easy, clear, correct in accent,
+and suited in tone and emphasis to your discourse.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid a muttering, mouthing, stuttering, droning,
+guttural, nasal, or lisping, pronunciation.</p>
+
+<p>Let your speech be neither too loud nor too low; but
+adjusted to the ear of your companion. Try to prevent
+the necessity of any person crying, "What? What?"</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_153" id="Pg_153">[153]</a></span>
+Avoid a loquacious propensity; you should never occupy
+more than your share of the time, or more than is
+agreeable to others.</p>
+
+<p>Beware of such vulgar interpolations as "You know,"
+"You see," "I'll tell you what."</p>
+
+<p>Pay a strict regard to the rules of grammar, even in
+private conversation. If you do not understand these
+rules, learn them, whatever be your age or station.</p>
+
+<p>Though you should always speak pleasantly, do not
+mix your conversation with loud bursts of laughter.</p>
+
+<p>Never indulge in uncommon words, or in Latin and
+French phrases, but choose the best understood terms to
+express your meaning.</p>
+
+<p>Above all, let your conversation be intellectual, graceful,
+chaste, discreet, edifying, and profitable.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_154" id="Pg_154">[154]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_XVII" id="CHPTR_XVII"></a>CHAPTER XVII.<br />
+<span class="subttl">CONDUCT IN CHURCH.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>In entering a church of a different denomination from
+the one you have been in the habit of frequenting, ask
+the sexton to show you to a seat. It is the height of
+rudeness to enter a pew without invitation, as the owner
+may desire, if her family do not require all the seats, to
+invite her own personal friends to take the vacant places.
+If you are not perfectly familiar with the manner of
+conducting the worship, observe those around you, rise,
+kneel, and sit, as you see they do. It is a mark of disrespect
+for the pastor as well as irreverence for the Most
+High, to remain seated through the whole service, unless
+you are ill, or otherwise incapacitated from standing and
+kneeling.</p>
+
+<p>Enter the sacred edifice slowly, reverentially, and take
+your seat quietly. It is not required of you to bow to
+any friend you may see in passing up the aisle, as you
+are supposed yourself to be, and suppose her to be entirely
+absorbed in thought proper for the occasion. To
+stare round the church, or if you are not alone, to whisper
+to your companion, is irreverent, indelicate, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_155" id="Pg_155">[155]</a></span>
+rude. If your own feelings will not prompt you to silence
+and reverence, pay some regard to the feelings of
+others.</p>
+
+<p>Be careful not to appear to notice those around you.
+If others are so rude as to talk or conduct improperly,
+fix your own mind upon the worship which you come to
+pay, and let the impertinence pass unheeded.</p>
+
+<p>If there is another person in the same pew with yourself,
+who, more familiar with the service, hands you the
+book, or points out the place, acknowledge the civility
+by a silent bow; it is not necessary to speak.</p>
+
+<p>In your own pew, extend this courtesy to a stranger
+who may come in beside you, and even if it is a gentleman
+you may, with perfect propriety, hand him a book, or,
+if there is but one, offer him a share of your own.</p>
+
+<p>Endeavor always to be in your seat before the service
+commences, and after it is over do not hurry away, and,
+above all, do not begin your preparations for departure,
+by shutting up your book, or putting on any article of
+dress you have removed, before the benediction.</p>
+
+<p>If you are invited to accompany a friend to church,
+be sure you are ready in good season, that you may not
+keep her waiting when she calls, or cause her to lose
+any part of the service by detaining her at your house.
+If you invite a friend to take a seat in your pew, call for
+her early, give her the most comfortable place, and be
+sure she has a prayer and hymn-book.</p>
+
+<p>If you are invited to stand as god-mother to a friend's
+child, be at the house of the parents in season to accompany
+the family to church, and send, the day before, the
+gift you design for the babe. A silver cup is the usual<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_156" id="Pg_156">[156]</a></span>
+present, with your little namesake's initials, or full name,
+engraved upon it.</p>
+
+<p>In assisting at a wedding at church, if you are one of
+the bridesmaids, wear white, a white bonnet but no veil.
+If you occupy the first place, the bride's, it is in better
+taste to be married in a simple dress and bonnet,
+and don your full dress when you return home to receive
+your friends. In such ceremonies the wedding-party
+all meet in the vestry, and go to the altar together.<a name="FNanchor_A_1" id="FNanchor_A_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_A_1" class="fnanchor">[A]</a></p>
+
+<p>At a funeral, enter the church quietly, and, unless
+you belong to the mourners, wait until they leave the
+church before you rise from your seat. Never attempt
+to speak to any of the afflicted family. However heartfelt
+your sympathy, it will not be welcome at that time.</p>
+
+<p>If, when entering a crowded church, a gentleman sees
+you and offers his seat, acknowledge his civility, whether
+accepted or declined, by a bow, and a whispered "thank
+you." Many, who claim the name of lady, and think
+they are well-bred, will accept such an act of politeness
+without making the slightest acknowledgement. If the
+service has commenced, do not speak; a courteous inclination
+of the head will convey your sense of obligation.</p>
+
+<p>Remember, as an imperative, general rule, in whatever
+church you may be, whether at home or abroad,
+conform to the mode of worship whilst you are in that
+church. If you find, in these modes, forms which are
+disagreeable to you, or which shock your own ideas of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_157" id="Pg_157">[157]</a></span>
+religion, avoid a second visit, but do not insult the congregation,
+by showing your contempt or disapproval,
+whilst you are among them. Silence, quiet attention,
+and a grave, reverential demeanor, mark the Christian
+lady in church.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_158" id="Pg_158">[158]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_XVIII" id="CHPTR_XVIII"></a>CHAPTER XVIII.<br />
+<span class="subttl">BALL ROOM ETIQUETTE.</span><br />
+<span class="subttl2">FOR THE HOSTESS.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>When you have decided upon what evening you will
+give your ball, send out your invitations, a fortnight before
+the evening appointed. To ladies, word them:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blocks"><p>Mrs. L&mdash;&mdash; requests the pleasure of Miss G&mdash;&mdash;'s
+company on Wednesday evening, Jan. 17th, at 9 o'clock.</p>
+
+<p><i>Dancing.</i></p>
+
+<p>The favor of an early answer is requested.</p></div>
+
+<p>To gentlemen:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blocks"><p>Mrs. L&mdash;&mdash;'s compliments to Mr. R&mdash;&mdash; for Wednesday
+evening, Jan. 17th, at 9 o'clock.</p>
+
+<p><i>Dancing.</i></p>
+
+<p>The favor of an early answer is requested.</p></div>
+
+<p>If you are unmarried, put your mother's name with
+your own upon the cards. If you have a father or
+grown-up brother, let the invitations to the gentlemen go
+in his name.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_159" id="Pg_159">[159]</a></span>
+In making your list for a ball, do not set down <em>all</em> of
+your "dear five hundred friends." The middle-aged,
+(unless they come as chaperons,) the serious, and the
+sober-minded, will not accept your invitation, and the
+two last named may consider it insulting to be invited to
+so frivolous an amusement. By the way, I do not agree
+with the straight-laced people, who condemn all such
+amusements. I agree with Madame Pilau. When the
+curé of her parish told her he was writing a series of
+sermons against dancing, she said to him:</p>
+
+<p>"You are talking of what you do not understand.
+<em>You</em> have never been to a ball, <em>I</em> have; and I assure
+you there is no sin in the matter worthy of mention or
+notice."</p>
+
+<p>If you really wish for dancing, you will accommodate
+your guests to your rooms, inviting one third more than
+they will hold, as about that number generally disappoint
+a ball-giver. If you wish to have a rush of people, and
+do not mind heat, crowding, and discomfort, to insure
+an immense assembly, (a ball to be talked about for its
+size only,) then you may invite every body who figures
+upon your visiting list.</p>
+
+<p>Over one hundred is a "large ball," under that a
+"ball," unless there are less than fifty guests, when it is
+merely a "dance."</p>
+
+<p>The directions given in <a href="#CHPTR_V">chapter 5th</a> for the arrangement
+of the dressing-rooms will apply here, but your
+parlor, or ball room, requires some attention. Have the
+carpets taken up two days before the evening of the ball,
+and the floor waxed. A smooth, polished floor is an absolute
+necessity for pleasant dancing. At one end of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_160" id="Pg_160">[160]</a></span>
+your ball room, have a space partitioned off for the musicians.
+Leave, for their use, plenty of room, as silence
+or discord will come from a crowded orchestra. If your
+house is double, and you use the rooms on each side,
+place the musicians in the hall.</p>
+
+<p>Four pieces of music is enough for a private ball, unless
+your rooms are very large. For one room a piano,
+violin, and violoncello makes a good band.</p>
+
+<p>You must have your rooms well ventilated if you wish
+to avoid fainting and discomfort.</p>
+
+<p>To secure a really brilliant ball, pay considerable attention
+to the arrangement of your ball room. In Paris
+this arrangement consists in turning the room, for the
+evening, into a perfect garden. Every corner is filled
+with flowers. Wreaths, bouquets, baskets, and flowering-plants
+in moss-covered pots. With brilliant light, and
+taste in the details of arranging them, this profusion of
+flowers produces an exquisitely beautiful effect, and harmonizes
+perfectly with the light dresses, cheerful faces,
+and gay music. The pleasure of your guests, as well as
+the beauty of the rooms, will be increased by the elegance
+of your arrangements; their beauty will be
+heightened by brilliant light, and by judicious management
+a scene of fairy-like illusion may be produced.</p>
+
+<p>Not only in the ball room itself, but in the hall, supper-room,
+and dressing-rooms, place flowers. A fine effect
+is produced, by placing a screen, covered with green and
+flowers, before the space set apart for the musicians.
+To hear the music proceeding from behind this floral embankment,
+and yet have the scraping and puffing men
+invisible, adds very much to the illusion of the scene.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_161" id="Pg_161">[161]</a></span>
+In the dressing-rooms have, at least, two servants for
+each. Let them take the cloaks and hoods, and put a
+numbered ticket upon each bundle, handing the duplicate
+number to the lady or gentleman owning it.</p>
+
+<p>It is best to have the supper-room upon the same floor
+as the ball room. The light dresses, worn upon such occasions,
+suffer severely in passing up and down a crowded
+staircase.</p>
+
+<p>Have a number of double cards written or printed
+with a list of the dances, arranged in order, upon one
+side, and a space for engagements upon the other. Attach
+a small pencil to each. Let a waiter stand at the
+entrance to the ball room, and hand a card to each guest
+as they pass in.</p>
+
+<p>The first strain of music must be a march; then follows
+a quadrille, then a waltz. Other dances follow in
+any order you prefer until the fourteenth, which should
+be the march which announces supper. If you throw
+open the supper-room, early, and the guests go out when
+they wish, the march may be omitted. Twenty-one to
+twenty-four dances are sufficient. Have an interval of
+ten minutes after each one.</p>
+
+<p>The supper-room should be thrown open at midnight,
+and remain open until your last guest has departed.
+Let it be brilliantly lighted, and have plenty of waiters
+in attendance.</p>
+
+<p>There can be no rule laid down for the supper. It
+may be hot or heavily iced. It may consist entirely of
+confectionary, or it may include the bill of fare for a
+hotel table. One rule you must observe; have abundance
+of everything. Other entertainments may be<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_162" id="Pg_162">[162]</a></span>
+given upon economical principles, but a ball cannot.
+Light, attendance, supper, every detail must be carefully
+attended to, and a ball must be an expensive luxury.</p>
+
+<p>At a ball-supper every one stands up. The waiters
+will hand refreshment from the tables to the gentlemen,
+who, in turn, wait upon the ladies.</p>
+
+<p>You must bring forth your whole array of smiles,
+when you perform the part of hostess in a ball room.
+As your guests will come dropping in at all hours, you
+must hover near the door to greet each one entering.
+There will be many strangers amongst the gentlemen.
+Miss G. will bring her fiancée. Miss L., her brother,
+just returned, after ten years' absence, from India.
+Miss R. introduces her cousin, in the city for a week.
+Miss M., as a belle, will, perhaps, take the liberty of
+telling some ten or twelve of her most devoted admirers
+where she may be seen on the evening of your ball, and,
+though strangers, they will, one after another, bow over
+your hand. To each and every one you must extend
+the amiable greeting due to an invited guest. If you
+are the only lady of the house, your duties will, indeed,
+be laborious. You must be everywhere at the same moment.
+Not a guest must pass unwelcomed. You must
+introduce partners to all the wall-flowers. You must see
+that every set is made up before the music commences.
+Each guest must be introduced to a proper partner for
+every dance, and not one frown, one pettish word, one
+look of fatigue, one sigh of utter weariness must disturb
+your smiling serenity. You must be ready to chat cheerfully
+with every bore who detains you, when crossing the
+room, to make up a set of quadrilles in a minute's time;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_163" id="Pg_163">[163]</a></span>
+listen patiently to the sighing lover, whose fair one is
+engaged fifty times during twenty dances; secure a good
+dancer for each longing belle; do the same for the beaux;
+yet you must never be hurried, worried, or fatigued.</p>
+
+<p>If there are several ladies, a mother and two or three
+daughters, for instance, divide the duties. Let one receive
+the guests, another arrange the sets, a third introduce
+couples, and a fourth pair off the talkers. A
+brother or father will be a treasure in a ball room, as
+the standing of sets can be better managed by a gentleman
+than a lady.</p>
+
+<p>None of the ladies who give the ball should dance
+until every fair guest has a partner.</p>
+
+<p>One of your duties will be to see that no young ladies
+lose their supper for want of an escort to ask them to go
+out. You may give the hint to an intimate gentleman
+friend, if there is no brother or father to take the duty,
+introduce him to the disconsolate damsel, and send her
+off happy. If all the guests go to the supper-room
+when it is first thrown open, you must be the last to leave
+the ball room. For the hostess to take the lead to the
+supper-room, leaving her guests to pair off, and follow
+as they please, is in very bad taste.</p>
+
+<p>If you announce supper by a march, many of your
+guests will remain in the ball room, to promenade, avoid
+the crowd at the first table, and indulge in a tête-à-tête
+conversation. These will afterwards go out, in pairs,
+when the first crush in the refreshment-room is over.</p>
+
+<p>If, by accident or negligence, you miss an introduction
+to any of your gentlemen guests, you may still speak to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_164" id="Pg_164">[164]</a></span>
+them if you wish. It is your privilege as hostess to introduce
+yourself, and invite any gentleman to dance with
+you, or offer to introduce him to a partner. In the latter
+case he ought to mention his name, but if he omits to
+do so, you may ask it.</p>
+
+<p>There has been a custom introduced in some of our
+large cities lately, which is an admirable one for a private
+ball. It is to hire, for the evening, a public hall.
+This includes the dressing-room, supper-room, every
+comfort, and saves you from the thousand annoyances
+which are certain to follow a ball in a private house.
+You hire the hall and other rooms, the price including
+light, hire a band of music, and order a supper at a confectioners,
+hiring from his establishment all the china,
+glass, and silver you will want. In this case you must
+enclose in every invitation a ticket to admit your friend's
+party, to prevent loungers from the street coming in, uninvited.</p>
+
+<p>You will, perhaps, find the actual outlay of money
+greater, when you thus hire your ball room, but you will
+save more than the difference in labor, annoyance, and
+the injury to your house. You secure a better room
+than any parlor, you have the floor waxed and polished
+without the trouble of taking up your carpets. You
+save all the dreadful labor of cleaning up the house the
+next day, as well as that of preparation.</p>
+
+<p>You can, if you wish, invite a few friends to a late
+dinner with you, and all proceed to the ball room together.
+You must be the first to enter the room, the
+last to leave it, and every duty is the same as if you<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_165" id="Pg_165">[165]</a></span>
+were at home; the ball room is, in fact, your own house,
+for the evening.</p>
+
+<p>If you wish your guests to come in costume for a
+fancy ball, name the character of the entertainment in
+your invitation.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_166" id="Pg_166">[166]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_XIX" id="CHPTR_XIX"></a>CHAPTER XIX.<br />
+<span class="subttl">BALL ROOM ETIQUETTE.</span><br />
+<span class="subttl2">FOR THE GUEST.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>As in every other case where hospitality is extended
+to you by invitation, you must send your answer as soon
+as possible, accepting or declining the civility.</p>
+
+<p>In preparing a costume for a ball, choose something
+very light. Heavy, dark silks are out of place in a ball
+room, and black should be worn in no material but lace.
+For a married lady, rich silk of some light color, trimmed
+with flowers, lace, or tulle; white silk plain, or lace over
+satin, make an exquisite toilette. Jewels are perfectly
+appropriate; also feathers in the <i>coiffure</i>.</p>
+
+<p>For the young lady, pure white or light colors should
+be worn, and the most appropriate dress is of some thin
+material made over silk, white, or the same color as the
+outer dress. Satin or velvet are entirely out of place on
+a young lady. Let the <i>coiffure</i> be of flowers or ribbons,
+never feathers, and but very little jewelry is becoming to
+an unmarried lady. All ladies must wear boots or slippers
+of satin, white, black, or the color of the dress.
+White are the most appropriate; black, the most becoming<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_167" id="Pg_167">[167]</a></span>
+to the foot. White kid gloves, full trimmed, a fine lace
+trimmed handkerchief, and a fan, are indispensable. Be
+very careful, when dressing for a ball, that the hair is
+firmly fastened, and the <i>coiffure</i> properly adjusted.
+Nothing is more annoying than to have the hair loosen
+or the head-dress fall off in a crowded ball room.</p>
+
+<p>Your first duty, upon entering the room, is to speak
+to your hostess. After a few words of greeting, turn to
+the other guests.</p>
+
+<p>At a private ball, no lady will refuse an introduction
+to a gentleman. It is an insult to her hostess, implying
+that her guests are <em>not gentlemen</em>. It is optional with
+the lady whether to continue or drop the acquaintance
+after the ball is over, but for that evening, however disagreeable,
+etiquette requires her to accept him for <em>one</em>
+dance, if she is disengaged, and her hostess requests it.
+At a public ball, it is safest to decline all introductions
+made by the master of ceremonies, though, as before,
+such acquaintances are not binding after the evening is
+over.</p>
+
+<p>Be very careful how you refuse to dance with a gentleman.
+A prior engagement will, of course, excuse
+you, but if you plead fatigue, or really feel it, do not
+dance the set with another gentleman; it is most insulting,
+though sometimes done. On the other hand, be
+careful that you do not engage yourself twice for the
+same quadrille. In a polka or valse, you may do this,
+saying, "I will dance the second half with you, but have
+a prior engagement for the first." Then, after a few
+rounds with your first partner, say to him that you are<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_168" id="Pg_168">[168]</a></span>
+engaged for the remainder of the dance, resume your
+seat, and your second partner will seek you.</p>
+
+<p>Let your manner in a ball room be quiet. It looks
+very badly to see a lady endeavoring to attract attention
+by her boisterous manner, loud talking, or over-active
+dancing. Do not drag through dances as if you found
+them wearisome; it is an insult to your partner, but
+while you are cheerful and animated, be lady-like and
+dignified in your deportment.</p>
+
+<p>At the end of each dance, your partner will offer his
+arm, and conduct you to a seat; then bow, and release
+him from further attendance, as he may be engaged for
+the next dance.</p>
+
+<p>When invited to dance, hand your ball card to the
+gentleman, who will put his name in one of the vacant
+places.</p>
+
+<p>If you wish to go to the supper-room, accept the invitation
+that will be made, after the dances whilst it is
+open, but do not remain there long. You may be keeping
+your escort from other engagements.</p>
+
+<p>If you are accompanied by a gentleman, besides your
+father or brother, remember he has the right to the first
+dance, and also will expect to take you in to supper.
+Do not let any one else interfere with his privilege.</p>
+
+<p>If you wish, during the evening, to go to the dressing-room
+to arrange any part of your dress, request the gentleman
+with whom you are dancing to escort you there.
+He will wait for you at the door, and take you back to
+the ball-room. Do not detain him any longer than is
+necessary. Never leave the ball room, for any such purpose,
+alone, as there are always gentlemen near and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_169" id="Pg_169">[169]</a></span>
+round the door, and it looks very badly to see a lady,
+unattended, going through a crowd of gentlemen.</p>
+
+<p>It is best at a ball, to dance only every other dance,
+as over-fatigue, and probably a flushed face, will follow
+too much dancing. Decline the intermediate ones, on
+the plea of fatigue, or fear of fatigue.</p>
+
+<p>Never go into the supper-room with the same gentleman
+twice. You may go more than once, if you wish
+for an ice or glass of water, (surely no lady wants two
+or three <em>suppers</em>,) but do not tax the same gentleman
+more than once, even if he invites you after each dance.</p>
+
+<p>No lady of taste will carry on a flirtation in a ball
+room, so as to attract remark. Be careful, unless you
+wish your name coupled with his, how you dance too
+often with the same gentleman.</p>
+
+<p>If you are so unfortunate as, forgetting a prior engagement,
+to engage yourself to two gentlemen for the
+same dance, decline dancing it altogether, or you will
+surely offend one of them.</p>
+
+<p>Never press forward to take the lead in a quadrille,
+and if others, not understanding the figures, make confusion,
+try to get through without remark. It is useless
+to attempt to teach them, as the music, and other sets,
+will finish the figure long before you can teach and dance
+it. Keep your temper, refrain from all remark, and endeavor
+to make your partner forget, in your cheerful
+conversation, the annoyances of the dance.</p>
+
+<p>There is much that is exhilarating in the atmosphere
+of a ball room. The light, music, company, and even
+dancing itself, are all conducive to high spirits; be careful
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_170" id="Pg_170">[170]</a></span>
+that this flow of spirits does not lead you into hoydenism
+and rudeness. Guard your actions and your
+tongue, that you may leave the room as quietly and
+gracefully as you enter it.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid confidential conversation in a ball room. It is
+out of season, and in excessively bad taste.</p>
+
+<p>Be modest and reserved, but avoid bashfulness. It
+looks like a school-girl, and is invariably awkward.</p>
+
+<p>Never allow your partner, though he may be your
+most intimate friend, to converse in a low tone, or in any
+way assume a confidential or lover-like air at a ball. It
+is in excessively bad taste, and gives annoyance frequently,
+as others suppose such low-toned remarks may
+refer to them.</p>
+
+<p>Dance as others do. It has a very absurd look to
+take every step with dancing-school accuracy, and your
+partner will be the first one to notice it. A quadrille
+takes no more steps than a graceful walk.</p>
+
+<p>Never stand up to dance in a quadrille, unless you are
+perfectly familiar with the figures, depending upon your
+partner to lead you through. You will probably cause
+utter confusion in the set, annoy the others forming it,
+and make yourself appear absurd.</p>
+
+<p>No young lady should go to a ball, without the protection
+of a married lady, or an elderly gentleman.</p>
+
+<p>Never cross a ball room alone.</p>
+
+<p>Never remain in a ball room until all the company
+have left it, or even until the last set. It is ill-bred, and
+looks as if you were unaccustomed to such pleasures, and
+so desirous to prolong each one. Leave while there are<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_171" id="Pg_171">[171]</a></span>
+still two or three sets to be danced. Do not accept any
+invitation for these late dances, as the gentleman who
+invites you may find out your absence too late to take
+another partner, and you will thus deprive him of the
+pleasure of dancing.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_172" id="Pg_172">[172]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_XX" id="CHPTR_XX"></a>CHAPTER XX.<br />
+<span class="subttl">PLACES OF AMUSEMENT.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>Do not accept an invitation to visit any place of public
+amusement, with a gentleman with whom you are but
+slightly acquainted, unless there is another lady also invited.
+You may, as a young lady, go with a relative or
+your fiancée, without a chaperon, but not otherwise.</p>
+
+<p>Having received an invitation which it is proper for
+you to accept, write an answer immediately, appointing
+an hour for your escort to call for you, and be sure that
+you are ready in good season. To arrive late is not only
+annoying to those near your seat, whom you disturb
+when you enter, but it is ill-bred; you will be supposed
+to be some one who is unable to come early, instead of
+appearing as a lady who is mistress of her own time.</p>
+
+<p>If the evening is cloudy, or it rains, your escort will
+probably bring a carriage; and let me say a few words
+here about entering and leaving a carriage.</p>
+
+<p>How to get in is difficult, but of less importance than
+getting out; because if you stumble in, no one sees you,
+but some one who may happen to be in the carriage;
+but how to get out is so important, that I will illustrate
+it by a short diplomatic anecdote:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_173" id="Pg_173">[173]</a></span>
+"The Princess of Hesse-Darmstadt," says M. Mercy
+d'Argenteau, an ambassador of the last century, "having
+been desired by the Empress of Austria to bring her
+three daughters to court, in order that her Imperial
+Majesty might choose one of them for a wife to one of
+her sons, drove up in her coach to the palace gate.
+Scarcely had they entered the presence, when, before
+even speaking to them, the empress went up to the second
+daughter, and, taking her by the hand, said, 'I choose
+this young lady.' The mother, astonished at the suddenness
+of her choice, inquired what had actuated it.
+'I watched the young ladies get out of their carriage,'
+said the empress. 'Your eldest daughter stepped on her
+dress, and only saved herself from falling by an awkward
+scramble; the youngest jumped from the coach to the
+ground, without touching the steps; the second, just
+lifting her dress in front, so as she descended to show
+the point of her shoe, calmly stepped from the carriage
+to the ground, neither hurriedly nor stiffly, but with
+grace and dignity: she is fit to be an empress; her eldest
+sister is too awkward, her youngest too wild.'"</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">The Theatre</span>&mdash;Here you must wear your bonnet,
+though you may throw aside your cloak or shawl, if you
+desire it. Your escort will pass to your seats first, and
+then turn and offer his hand to lead you to your own.
+Once seated, give your attention entirely to the actors
+whilst the curtain is up&mdash;to your companion when it is
+down.</p>
+
+<p>Do not look round the house with your glass. A
+lady's deportment should be very modest in a theatre.
+Avoid carefully every motion, or gesture that will attract<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_174" id="Pg_174">[174]</a></span>
+attention. To flirt a fan, converse in whispers, indulge
+in extravagant gestures of merriment or admiration,
+laugh loudly or clap your hands together, are all excessively
+vulgar and unlady-like. Never turn your head to
+look at those seated behind you, or near you.</p>
+
+<p>If you speak to your companion while the curtain is
+up, lower your voice, that you may not disturb others
+interested in the conversation on the stage.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">The Opera</span>&mdash;Here you should wear full dress, an
+opera cloak, and either a head-dress, or dressy bonnet
+of some thin material. Your gloves must be of kid,
+white, or some very light tint to suit your dress. Many
+dress for the opera as they would for the theatre; but
+the beauty of the house is much enhanced by each lady
+contributing her full dress toilette to the general effect.</p>
+
+<p>If you go to the dressing-room, leave your hood and
+shawl in the care of the woman in waiting, whom you
+must fee when she returns them to you.</p>
+
+<p>If you do not wish to go to the dressing-room, allow
+your escort to take off your shawl or cloak, and throw it
+over the back of the seat. As your opera cloak must be
+light enough to keep on all the evening, though you may
+throw it open, you must wear over it a heavier cloak or
+a shawl. Throw this off in the lobby, just before you
+enter your box. Your gloves you must keep on all the
+evening.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid handling the play bills, as the printing ink will
+soil your gloves in a few minutes, making your hands
+appear very badly for the rest of the evening.</p>
+
+<p>You should be in your seat at the opera before the
+overture commences.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_175" id="Pg_175">[175]</a></span>
+Never converse during the performance. Even the
+lowest toned remark will disturb a real lover of music,
+and these will be near you on all sides. Exclamations
+of admiration, "Exquisite!" "Beautiful!" or "Lovely!"
+are in the worst taste. Show your appreciation by quiet
+attention to every note, and avoid every exclamation or
+gesture.</p>
+
+<p>In our new opera houses there are rooms for promenade,
+and between the acts your escort may invite you
+to walk there. You may accept the invitation with perfect
+propriety. He will leave the box first and then
+offer his hand to you. In the lobby take his arm, and
+keep it until you return to the box. If you have taken
+your cloak or shawl to your seat, leave them there during
+your promenade. Return to your seat when the gong
+sounds the recall, that you may not disturb others after
+the next act commences.</p>
+
+<p>In walking up and down in the promenading saloon,
+you may pass and repass friends. Bow the first time
+you meet them, but not again.</p>
+
+<p>If you meet your gentlemen friends there, bow, but
+do not stop to speak. They may join you for once
+round the room, then allow them to leave you. Your
+escort will feel justly offended if you allow any other
+gentlemen to engross your attention entirely when he
+has invited you to the entertainment.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Concerts</span>&mdash;Here, as at the opera, you may wear a
+bonnet or not, as you will. Go early to the hall, unless
+you have secured a seat, and then, be in time for the
+first song. If you are unavoidably late, enter quietly,
+and take a seat near the door. It is very rude to push<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_176" id="Pg_176">[176]</a></span>
+forward to the front of the hall, and either crowd those
+upon the benches, or force some gentleman to offer you
+his place. If the hall is so crowded that even the back
+seats are full, and a gentleman offers you his place, you
+should thank him before accepting it.</p>
+
+<p>Again, I repeat, do not converse, or disturb those
+around you by exclamations or gesticulations.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Lectures</span>&mdash;Two ladies may attend a lecture, unaccompanied
+by a gentleman, without attracting attention.</p>
+
+<p>The dress, bonnet, and cloak, worn in the street,
+should be worn in a lecture-room, as these are, by no
+means, occasions for full dress.</p>
+
+<p>If you return at an early hour from any place of
+amusement, invite your escort into the house upon your
+arrival there, and lay aside your bonnet and shawl. If
+you keep them on, he will conclude that you expect him
+to shorten his visit. If it is late when you reach home,
+he will probably decline your invitation to enter. If,
+however, he accepts it, do not lay aside your shawl, and
+he will soon leave you.</p>
+
+<p>If he asks permission to call in the morning, you must,
+unless prevented by an imperative engagement, remain
+at home to see him.</p>
+
+<p>Upon your way home from the theatre, concert, or
+opera, speak warmly of the pleasure of the evening, and,
+at parting, thank him for that pleasure. Show by your
+manner that you have heartily enjoyed the entertainment
+you owe to his civility. If you are weary, do not allow
+him to see it. If disappointed, conceal that also. You
+will be able to find <em>some</em> good points in the performance;
+speak of these and ignore the bad ones.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_177" id="Pg_177">[177]</a></span>
+If at the theatre, opera, or in a concert-room, you see
+an acquaintance, you are not expected to recognize her,
+unless near enough to speak. A lady must not bow to
+any one, even her own sister, across a theatre or concert-room.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_178" id="Pg_178">[178]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_XXI" id="CHPTR_XXI"></a>CHAPTER XXI.<br />
+<span class="subttl">ACCOMPLISHMENTS.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>In the present age, when education is within the reach
+of all, both rich and poor, every lady will endeavor to
+become, not only well educated, but accomplished. It is
+not, as some will assert, a waste of time or money. Not
+only the fingers, voice, and figure are improved, but the
+heart and intellect will become refined, and the happiness
+greatly increased.</p>
+
+<p>Take the young lady after a solid basis has been laid
+in her mind of the more important branches of education,
+and rear upon that basis the structure of lighter education&mdash;the
+accomplishments. To cultivate these, disregarding
+the more solid information, is to build your castle
+without any foundation, and make it, not only absurd,
+but unsteady. The pleasure of hearing from a lady a
+<i>cavatina</i> executed in the most finished manner, will be
+entirely destroyed, if her first spoken words after the
+performance are vulgar, or her sentence ungrammatical.</p>
+
+<p>A lady without her piano, or her pencil, her library
+of French, German, or Italian authors, her fancy work
+and tasteful embroideries, is now rarely met with, and it
+is right that such arts should be universal. No woman<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_179" id="Pg_179">[179]</a></span>
+is fitted for society until she dances well; for home,
+unless she is perfect mistress of needlework; for
+her own enjoyment, unless she has at least one accomplishment
+to occupy thoughts and fingers in her hours of
+leisure.</p>
+
+<p>First upon the list of accomplishments, comes the art
+of conversing well. It is always ready. Circumstances
+in society will constantly throw you into positions where
+you can use no other accomplishment. You will not
+have a musical instrument within reach, singing would be
+out of place, your fancy work at home, on many occasions,
+and then you can exert your most fascinating as
+well as useful accomplishment, the art of conversing
+well.</p>
+
+<p>Little culture, unfortunately, is bestowed upon this
+accomplishment, which, beyond all others, promotes the
+happiness of home, enlivens society, and improves the
+minds of both speaker and listener. How many excellent
+women are deficient in the power of expressing
+themselves well, or, indeed, of expressing themselves at
+all! How many minds "cream and mantle" from the
+want of energy to pour themselves out in words! On
+the other hand, how some, equally well-intentioned,
+drown the very senses in their torrent of remarks, which
+dashes, like a water-fall, into a sombre pool of <i>ennui</i>
+below!</p>
+
+<p>One lady will enter society, well-dressed, well-looking,
+polite; she does not intend to chill it by her presence;
+yet her absence is found a relief. She takes her place
+as if she considered it sufficient to dress and look well.
+She brings no stock to the community of ideas. Her<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_180" id="Pg_180">[180]</a></span>
+eyes return no response to the discourse which is going
+on. When you have once glanced at her, she becomes
+a mere expletive in the company.</p>
+
+<p>Another one will be found a talker. She is like a canary
+bird; when others begin to speak, she hurries in
+her remarks, in an accompaniment. Her voice must be
+uppermost; conversation becomes a contest who can
+speak the most rapidly. The timid and modest retire
+from the encounter&mdash;she has the field to herself. She
+goes on, without mercy; the voice of a syren would fatigue,
+if heard continually. Others revolt at the injustice
+of the monopoly, and the words fall on ears that would
+be deaf if they could.</p>
+
+<p>These are extreme cases; there are many other minor
+errors. The higher qualities of conversation must undoubtedly
+be based upon the higher qualities of the
+mind; then it is, indeed, a privilege to commune with
+others.</p>
+
+<p>To acquire the power of thus imparting the highest
+pleasure by conversational powers, attention must be paid
+to literature. I am supposing the solid foundation of a
+good education already laid, but by literature, I do not
+mean only that class of it which is taught at school.</p>
+
+<p>Reading, at the present day, is too much confined to
+light literature. I would not speak against this. The
+modern novels, and the poets of all ages, are good reading,
+but let them be taken in moderation, and varied by
+something more solid. Let them be the dessert to the
+more substantial <em>dinner</em> of history, travels, and works of
+a like nature.</p>
+
+<p>Independent of the strength and polish given to the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_181" id="Pg_181">[181]</a></span>
+mind by a thorough course of reading, there is another
+reason why a lady should devote some portion of her
+time to it; she cannot do without it. She may, lacking
+this, pass through life respectably, even elegantly; but
+she cannot take her part in a communing with superior
+minds; she may enjoy, in wondering, the radiance of
+their intelligence; but the wondering must be composed,
+in part, of amazement at her own folly, in not having
+herself sought out the treasure concealed in the fathomless
+depths of books. She cannot truly enjoy society,
+with this art neglected. She may, for a few brief years,
+be the ornament of the drawing-room; but it must be,
+like many other ornaments there, in still life; she can
+never be the companion of the intellectual; and the time
+is gone by, when women, with all their energies excited,
+will be contented to be the mere plaything of brother,
+husband, or father.</p>
+
+<p>Still it is not to the erudite, nor to the imaginative
+only, that it is given to please in conversation.</p>
+
+<p>The art of imparting our ideas easily and elegantly to
+others, may be improved by ourselves, if there are opportunities
+of mingling in good society, with little study.
+The mind must first be cultivated; but it should not
+abash those who are conscious of moderate talents, or
+imperfect cultivation, from taking a due part in conversation,
+on account of their inferiority. It is a very different
+thing to shine and to please; to shine in society
+is more frequently attempted than compassed: to please
+is in the power of all. The effort to shine, when fruitless,
+brings a certain disgrace, and engenders mortification;
+all good people are inclined to take the will for the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_182" id="Pg_182">[182]</a></span>
+deed, when they see a desire to please. A gentle, deferential,
+kind manner, will disarm even the most discerning
+from criticising too severely the deficiencies of the inexperienced;
+confidence, disrespect of others, volubility,
+eagerness to dispute, must irritate the self-love of others,
+and produce an averseness to acknowledge talent or information,
+where they may even happen to exist.</p>
+
+<p>It is wiser and safer for a young lady, in general, to
+observe the good, old-fashioned rule of being addressed
+first; but then she must receive the address readily,
+meeting it half way, repaying it by enlarging a little
+upon the topic thus selected, and not sinking into a dull
+silence, the moment after a reply is given. Some young
+ladies start, as if thunderstruck, when spoken to, and
+stare as if the person who pays them that attention, had
+no right to awaken them from their reverie. Others
+look affronted, possibly from shyness, and begin a derogatory
+attack upon the beauty of their dress by twitching
+the front breadth&mdash;or move from side to side, in evident
+distress and consternation. Time remedies these
+defects; but there is one less curable and less endurable&mdash;that
+of pertness and flippancy&mdash;the loud remarks and
+exclamations&mdash;the look of self-sufficiency and confidence.
+But these offensive manifestations spring from some previous
+and deep-seated defects of character, and are only
+to be repelled by what, I fear, they will frequently encounter&mdash;the
+mortification of inspiring disgust.</p>
+
+<p>Neither is the lengthy, prosy, didactic reply, consistent
+with the submission and simplicity of youth; egotism,
+and egotism once removed, that is, the bringing
+into the topic one's own family and relations, are also<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_183" id="Pg_183">[183]</a></span>
+antidotes to the true spirit of conversation. In general,
+it is wiser, more in good taste, safer, more becoming,
+certainly more in accordance with good breeding, to
+avoid talking of persons. There are many snares in
+such topics; not merely the danger of calumniating, but
+that of engendering a slippery conscience in matters of
+fact. A young girl, shy and inexpert, states a circumstance;
+she feels her deficiency as a narrator, for the
+power of telling a story, is a power to be acquired only
+by practice. She is sometimes tempted to heighten a
+little the incidents, in order to get on a little better, and
+to make more impression. She must of course defend
+her positions, and then she perils the sanctity of truth.
+Besides, few things narrow the intellect more than
+dwelling on the peculiarities, natural or incidental, of
+that small coterie of persons who constitute our world.</p>
+
+<p>It is, in general, a wise rule, and one which will tend
+much to insure your comfort through life, to avoid disclosures
+to others of family affairs. I do not mean to
+recommend reserve, or art; to friends and relations, too
+great frankness can hardly be practised; but, with acquaintance,
+the less our own circumstances are discussed,
+the happier, and the more dignified will our commerce
+with them continue. On the same principle, let the concerns
+of others be touched upon with delicacy, or, if possible,
+passed over in silence; more especially those
+details which relate to strictly personal or family affairs.
+Public deeds are, of course, public property. But personal
+affairs are private; and there is a want of true
+good breeding, a want of consideration and deference, in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_184" id="Pg_184">[184]</a></span>
+speaking freely of them, even if your friend is unconscious
+of the liberty taken.</p>
+
+<p>It seems paradoxical to observe that the art of listening
+well forms a part of the duty of conversation. To
+give up the whole of your attention to the person who
+addresses himself to you, is sometimes a heavy tax, but
+it is one which we must pay for the privileges of social
+life, and an early practice will render it an almost involuntary
+act of good breeding; whilst consideration for
+others will give this little sacrifice a merit and a charm.</p>
+
+<p>To listen well is to make an unconscious advance in
+the power of conversing. In listening we perceive in
+what the interest, in what the failure of others consists;
+we become, too, aware of our own deficiencies, without
+having them taught through the medium of humiliation.
+We find ourselves often more ignorant than we could
+have supposed possible. We learn, by a very moderate
+attention to the sort of topics which please, to form a
+style of our own. The "art of conversation" is an unpleasant
+phrase. The power of conversing well is least
+agreeable when it assumes the character of an <em>art</em>.</p>
+
+<p>In listening, a well-bred lady will gently sympathize
+with the speaker; or, if needs must be, differ, as gently.
+Much character is shown in the act of listening. Some
+people appear to be in a violent hurry whilst another
+speaks; they hasten on the person who addresses them,
+as one would urge on a horse&mdash;with incessant "Yes, yes,
+very good&mdash;indeed&mdash;proceed!" Others sit, on the full
+stare, eyes fixed as those of an owl, upon the speaker.
+Others will receive every observation with a little hysterical
+giggle.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_185" id="Pg_185">[185]</a></span>
+But all these vices of manner may be avoided by a
+gentle attention and a certain calm dignity of manner,
+based upon a reflective, cultivated mind.</p>
+
+<p>Observation, reading, and study, will form the groundwork
+for good powers of conversation, and the more you
+read, study, and see, the more varied and interesting
+will be your topics.</p>
+
+<p>A young lady should consider music as one branch of
+her education, inferior, in importance, to most of those
+studies which are pointed out to her, but attainable in a
+sufficient degree by the aid of time, perseverance, and a
+moderate degree of instruction. Begun early, and pursued
+steadily, there is ample leisure in youth for the attainment
+of a science, which confers more cheerfulness,
+and brings more pleasure than can readily be conceived.</p>
+
+<p>A young lady should be able to play with taste, correctness,
+and readiness, upon the general principle that
+a well educated woman should do all things well. This,
+I should suppose, is in the power of most persons; and
+it may be attained without loss of health, of time, or
+any sacrifice of an important nature. She should consider
+it as an advantage, a power to be employed for the
+gratification of others, and to be indulged with moderation
+and good sense for her own resource, as a change
+of occupation.</p>
+
+<p>Consider in this light, music is what Providence intended
+it to be&mdash;a social blessing. The whole creation
+is replete with music,&mdash;a benignant Power has made the
+language of the feathered tribe harmony; let us not suppose
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_186" id="Pg_186">[186]</a></span>
+that He condemns his other creatures to silence in
+the song.</p>
+
+<p>Music has an influence peculiar to itself. It can allay
+the irritation of the mind; it cements families, and
+makes a home, which might sometimes be monotonous, a
+scene of pleasant excitement. Pursued as a recreation,
+it is gentle, rational, lady-like. Followed as a sole object,
+it loses its charm, because we perceive it is then
+over-rated. The young lady who comes modestly forward,
+when called upon as a performer, would cease to
+please, were she, for an instant, to assume the air and
+confidence of a professional musician. There is a certain
+style and manner&mdash;confined now to second-rate performers,
+for the highest and most esteemed dispense with
+it&mdash;there is an effort and a dash, which disgust in the
+lady who has bad taste enough to assume them.</p>
+
+<p>And, whilst I am on this topic, let me remark that
+there is a great deal in the <em>choice</em> of music, in the selection
+of its character, its suitability to your feelings,
+style, and taste, and this especially with respect to vocal
+music.</p>
+
+<p>There is no doubt that a good Italian style is the best
+for instruction, and that it produces the most careful and
+accomplished singers. Suppose a case. Your parents,
+most fair reader, have paid a high price to some excellent
+professor, to instruct you&mdash;and, with a fair ear, and a
+sufficient voice, you have been taught some of those
+elaborate songs which are most popular at the opera. A
+party is assembled&mdash;music is one of the diversions.
+Forth you step, and, with a just apprehension of the
+difficulties of your task, select one of those immortal<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_187" id="Pg_187">[187]</a></span>
+compositions which the most eminent have made their
+study; you execute it wonderfully, only just falling a
+<em>little</em> short of all the song should be; only just provoking
+a comparison, in every mind, with a high standard,
+present in the memory of every cultivated musician near
+you. A cold approval, or a good-natured "bravo!"
+with, believe me, though you do not hear it, a thorough,
+and, often, expressed conviction that you had better have
+left the thing alone, follows the effort which has merely
+proclaimed the fact that, spite of time and money spent
+upon the cultivation of your voice, you are but a second-rate
+singer.</p>
+
+<p>But, choose a wiser, a less pretending, a less conspicuous
+path. Throw your knowledge into compositions of a
+less startling, less aspiring character. Try only what
+you can compass. Be wise enough not to proclaim your
+deficiencies, and the critics will go away disarmed, even
+if they are not charmed. But if there be <em>any</em> voice,
+<em>any</em> feeling, <em>any</em> science, the touching melody, made vocal
+by youth and taste, will obtain even a far higher degree
+of encomium than, perhaps, it actually merits.
+You will please&mdash;you will be asked to renew your efforts.
+People will not be afraid of cadenzas five minutes long,
+or of bravuras, every note of which makes one hope it
+may be the last.</p>
+
+<p>It is true that, to a person who loves music, the performance
+of one of the incomparable songs of Bellini,
+Rosini, Flotow, or Mozart, is an actual delight&mdash;but;
+when attempted by a young amateur, it should be, like
+many other delights, confined to the private circle, and
+not visited upon society in general.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_188" id="Pg_188">[188]</a></span>
+Do not suppose that I mean to recommend poor music,
+or feeble, ephemeral compositions. What is good need
+not, of necessity, be always difficult. Ballad music is
+rich in songs adapted for the private performer&mdash;and
+there are many, in Italian, of great beauty, which,
+though they would not be selected for a concert-room, or
+for brilliant display, are adapted for ladies.</p>
+
+<p>Music is the greatest, best substitute for conversation.
+It has many merits, in this light. It can never provoke
+angry retort; it can never make enemies; it can injure no
+one's character by slander; and in playing and singing
+one can commit no indiscretion.</p>
+
+<p>Music is a most excellent amusement, and, in society,
+an indispensable one. It aids conversation by
+occasionally interrupting it for a short period, to be
+renewed with a new impetus. It makes the most delightful
+recreation for the home circle, varying the toil
+and trouble of the father's or husband's working day,
+by the pleasures of the evening made by music's power
+to glide smoothly and swiftly.</p>
+
+<p>There are but few persons who are entirely without a
+love for music, even if they do not understand it. They
+will be borne along upon the waves of a sweet melody
+to high, pure thoughts, often to delicious memories.</p>
+
+<p>The piano is, at the present day, the most popular instrument
+in society. The harp has ceased to be fashionable,
+though it is sometimes heard. The latter is a
+most beautiful accompaniment for the voice, but requires
+a large room, as, in a small one, it will sound
+stringy and harsh.</p>
+
+<p>The guitar, while it makes a very pleasant accompaniment
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_189" id="Pg_189">[189]</a></span>
+for the voice, has also the advantage of being easily
+carried from place to place.</p>
+
+<p>It requires as much judgment to select proper instrumental
+pieces for a parlor performance, as you would
+display in a choice of songs. Page after page of black,
+closely printed notes, will drive those who see them from
+the piano. They may be executed in the most finished
+style, but they are not suited to general society. In
+their place, for practice, or for a musical soirée, where
+every one puts forth her best musical powers, they are
+appropriate, and will give pleasure, but they are not
+suited for a mixed party. When asked to play, choose,
+if you will, a brilliant, showy piece, but let it be short.
+It is better still to make no attempt at display, but
+simply try to please, selecting the music your own judgment
+tells you is best suited to your audience.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid the loud, thumping style, and also the over-solemn
+style.</p>
+
+<p>Be sure, before you accept any invitation to play, that
+you know perfectly the piece you undertake. It is better
+to play the simplest airs in a finished, faultless manner,
+than to play imperfectly the most brilliant variations.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid movement at the piano. Swinging the body
+to and fro, moving the head, rolling the eyes, raising the
+hands too much, are all bad tricks, and should be carefully
+abstained from.</p>
+
+<p>With respect to drawing, modeling, or any pursuits
+of the same nature, so much depends on taste and opportunity,
+and they are so little the accomplishments of
+society that they require but few of those restrictions<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_190" id="Pg_190">[190]</a></span>
+which music, in its use and abuse, demands. Drawing,
+like music, should be cultivated early. Its advantages
+are the habits of perseverance and occupation, which it
+induces; and the additional delight which it gives to the
+works, both of nature and of art. Like music, it gives
+independence&mdash;independence of society. The true lover
+of the arts has a superiority over the indifferent, and, if
+she be not better prepared for society, is much better
+fitted for retirement than those who are not so happily
+endowed with tastes, when in moderation, so innocent
+and beneficial.</p>
+
+<p>There is no accomplishment more graceful, pleasing,
+healthy, and lady-like, than that of riding well. Avoiding,
+at the same time, timidity and the "fast" style,
+keeping within the bounds of elegant propriety, gracefully
+yielding to the guidance of your escort, and keeping
+your seat easily, yet steadily, are all points to be
+acquired.</p>
+
+<p>To ride well is undoubtedly an admirable qualification
+for a lady, as she may be as feminine in the saddle as
+in the ball room or home circle. It is a mistaken idea
+to suppose that to become an accomplished horse-woman
+a lady must unsex herself. But she must have a reserve
+in her manner, that will prevent contamination from the
+intercourse which too much riding may lead to. To
+hunt, or follow the field sports, in a pursuit which is the
+track of blood, disgusts the true admirer of gentle breeding.
+And such diversions will certainly result in a
+coarseness of manner and expression, growing upon the
+fair equestrian slowly but surely. A harsh voice, loud
+tone, expressions suited only to manly lips, but unconsciously
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_191" id="Pg_191">[191]</a></span>
+copied, will follow her devotion to the unfeminine
+pursuit.</p>
+
+<p>Nothing is more revolting than a woman who catches the
+tone and expressions of men. To hear the slang of jockeyism
+from female lips, is very offensive, yet ladies who mix
+in field sports are liable, nay, almost certain, to fall into a
+style of conversation which is ten times worse than the
+coarsest terms from the lips of a man. Instances there
+are, of the fairest of our sex, from a fondness for such
+diversions, and a habitual participation in such society,
+becoming hard, bold, and disgusting, even whilst retaining
+all their female loveliness of person.</p>
+
+<p>A lady, unless she lives in the most retired parts of
+the country, should never ride alone, and even then she
+will be awkwardly placed, in case of accident, without an
+escort. In the cities, not only is it unfeminine, but
+positively dangerous, for a lady to ride unaccompanied
+by a gentleman, or a man servant.</p>
+
+<p>Although it is impossible, within the limits of this
+little volume, to give many hints upon riding, a few may
+not be amiss. Like many other accomplishments, a
+teacher is necessary, if you wish to attain perfection,
+and no written directions can make you a finished horse-woman,
+unless you have had tuition and practice.</p>
+
+<p>1. In mounting you are desired, gentle Amazon, to
+spring gracefully into your saddle, with the slight assistance
+of a hand placed beneath the sole of the shoe, instead
+of scrambling uncouthly to your "wandering
+throne," as Miss Fanshawe wittily calls it, from a high
+chair, as is frequently done by those who have not been
+properly instructed. To mount in the orthodox manner,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_192" id="Pg_192">[192]</a></span>
+you should stand nearly close to the horse, level with the
+front of the saddle, and taking the reins slackly in your
+right hand, you should place that hand on the nearest
+pommel, to secure your balance in rising, and with your
+left hand gather up the front of the habit, so as to leave
+the feet clear. The gentleman should place himself
+firmly, near, but not so near to you as to impede your
+rising, and with the same view must hold his head well
+back, as should he lose his hat from a whisk of your
+habit the effect produced is not good. You should then
+present your left foot, and the gentleman placing one
+hand beneath its sole, and the other above, so as to possess
+a safe hold, should, with nice judgment, give just
+such assistance as will enable you easily, with a spring,
+to vault gracefully into the saddle. You will then arrange
+your right leg comfortably over the pommel, your
+cavalier will then place your left foot in the stirrup and
+arrange the flow of the habit-skirt, and all is complete.
+All this, though so seemingly simple and easy, requires
+some little practice to effect neatly and gracefully.</p>
+
+<p>2. Secondly, when riding with a gentleman, remember
+that you are best placed on the <em>left</em> side; because in that
+position the graceful flow of your habit is seen to the
+greatest advantage, while it does not inconvenience the
+gentleman by getting entangled with his stirrup, nor
+does it receive the splashes of his horse.</p>
+
+<p>3. But when you have a double attendance of cavaliers,
+if you be at all a timid rider, it may become discreet to
+"<i>pack</i>" you (forgive the homely phrase) between the
+two, since, in this position, you are the most thoroughly
+protected from your own horse's shying, or from other<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_193" id="Pg_193">[193]</a></span>
+horses or vehicles approaching you too closely, being thus
+forced to take that part of the road to which the better
+judgment of your companions inevitably guides you. If
+you be an accomplished equestrian, you will prefer being
+outside, and (as has been said) to the left.</p>
+
+<p>Sit erect in the middle of your saddle, turning your
+face full towards the head of your horse. Cling as
+closely as possible to the saddle, but avoid stooping forward,
+or using your hands to keep you in your seat.
+Nervous motions on horseback are not only ungraceful,
+but dangerous, as your horse will not make any allowance
+for the delicacy of your nerves, and may prove his
+objections to a jerking hand, or a twitching rein, in a
+most decided and disagreeable manner.</p>
+
+<p>The riding-dress, or habit, is best made to fit the figure
+tightly, with tight sleeves. It may be open in the front,
+over a neatly fitting chemisette, or buttoned close to the
+throat, with a neat linen collar and cuffs. The loose
+sacque is ungraceful, but a basque is most becoming on
+horseback. Gauntlet gloves, of leather, are the most
+suitable, and must be loose enough to give your hand
+perfect freedom, yet not so loose as to interfere with its
+motions. Do not wear the skirt too long; it will be
+dangerous in case of accident, and it may prove annoying
+to your horse. Your habit must be made of a material
+sufficiently heavy to hang gracefully, and not move
+too much with the wind. For a winter habit, a warmly-lined
+basque, trimmed at the throat and hands with fur,
+is an elegant and appropriate dress, and a round cap of
+the same cloth as the habit, with a band, and pieces to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_194" id="Pg_194">[194]</a></span>
+cover the ears, of fur to match the dress trimmings,
+makes a handsome and appropriate dress.</p>
+
+<p>In summer, your hat should be of fine straw, and
+slouched to shade the face; in winter, of felt, or, if you
+prefer, a close cap of cloth. The hat may be trimmed
+with feathers or knots of ribbon, and the shape should be
+one to protect the complexion, at the same time graceful
+and becoming.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid any display in a riding dress. Choose a material
+of some dark or neutral tint, and never use showy trimmings.</p>
+
+<p>Curls, or any flowing loose style of wearing the hair,
+will be found exceedingly troublesome on horseback.
+Arrange it neatly and compactly under your hat, for if
+a stray curl or lock annoys you, or is blown across your
+eyes by the wind, your hands will be too fully occupied
+to remedy the difficulty.</p>
+
+<p>Your whip should be light and small, tasteful if you
+will, but not showy.</p>
+
+<p>At the period for which these hints are intended, the
+Modern Languages should form a portion of acquirement.
+As in music, an intelligent and assiduous girl
+may, I believe, acquire an adequate degree of proficiency
+in French, German, and Italian, without having been
+abroad, though a foreign tour will be of the greatest use
+in the acquisition of the accent and niceties of each
+tongue. With respect to French, it is no doubt essential
+to comfort to understand it; it is one of the attributes
+of a lady to speak it well; still, it is not indispensable to
+speak it so well that the American lady is mistaken for
+a Parisian. This, which but seldom happens, can only<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_195" id="Pg_195">[195]</a></span>
+be acquired, in most cases, by a residence abroad. But
+French is thoroughly and grammatically taught in
+America. It is only the habit of speaking, the idioms
+and niceties, which cannot be acquired except by converse
+with a native.</p>
+
+<p>There are hundreds of competent instructors in this
+country, French ladies and gentlemen amongst the number,
+who form classes for conversation and familiarizing
+their pupils with these very idioms. After availing herself
+of such advantages, a young lady will find that a
+very short residence abroad will improve and facilitate
+her French conversation.</p>
+
+<p>Much, however, will depend upon how you use the opportunities
+within your reach. There are many opportunities
+of practice in large towns; and foreigners give
+all facilities, by their readiness to converse, their good-nature
+in listening, and in helping the beginner by kind
+hints. If a young lady, with simplicity, good breeding,
+and good taste, endeavors to speak whenever she has an
+opportunity, words will come as if by intuition. Do not
+think of by-standers and lookers-on; think only of the
+individual to whom you are addressing yourself. If possible,
+be not abashed by one or two errors at the first
+plunge&mdash;swim on till you have confidence. The effort, I
+grant, is great, and it may be obviated by a foreign education;
+but where this is impossible, the freedom acquired
+will more than repay the exertion.</p>
+
+<p>In foreign literature, walk carefully, and if you have
+an older, wiser head than your own to point out the best
+paths, improve the advantage.</p>
+
+<p>One cannot help deeming it a great era in education<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_196" id="Pg_196">[196]</a></span>
+that German is cultivated as well as Italian and French,
+and that stores of literature are opened, to vary the delights
+of intellect, and to give freshness and interest to
+the studies of youth.</p>
+
+<p>The rapture with which the works of Schiller are perused
+in the original, seems to repay the hours devoted
+to German; and I am sure the perusal of Tasso, or of
+the Aristodemo of Monti, would reward the study of
+Italian, were not the acquisition of that exquisite language
+of itself a source of poetic pleasure.</p>
+
+<p>The modern French writers have increased an everlasting
+responsibility in corrupting the sources of amusement,
+open to the young readers, and it is remarkable
+that most of the distinguished French authors seem to
+have felt that they had erred, and to have retrieved in
+some of their works the tendencies of their other productions.
+Take for instance, Madame de Stael; her
+books cannot be judged altogether; the effect of some
+of her eloquent and almost incomparable writings varies
+in an extraordinary degree. Whilst "Delphine" is unfit
+for the perusal of a modest woman, her "L'Allemagne"
+is finely written throughout, and her criticisms and
+analyses of German writers are full of instruction as well
+as interest.</p>
+
+<p>Still the works open to readers of French are numerous.
+The tragedies of Corneille and Racine are forcible
+and finished, and should be read because classical. The
+"Alzire" of Voltaire and his "Zaire" with the dramas of
+Casimir de la Vigne are also worthy of perusal. It is
+not an inspiriting kind of reading, but it is rich in sentiment,
+and perfectly unexceptionable in moral tone.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_197" id="Pg_197">[197]</a></span>
+Although the scepticism of most German writers renders
+this literature dangerous to a young mind, there are
+fields of pure, noble writing open in that language. The
+works of Schiller, for example. His mind was originally
+noble, his heart good, his love to mankind, and his enquiry
+after truth were sincere. In early life, he wavered;
+and the besetting scepticism of the Germans dimmed,
+for a time, his perceptions of all that is most sublime, as
+well as true, in our finite knowledge. He was chastened&mdash;he
+suffered&mdash;he believed. He died an early but a
+bright instance that great genius may exist with true and
+humble piety, and that the mind is never so powerful as
+when illumined by divine light. His works are a magnificent
+library in themselves&mdash;and I could almost say,
+be contented to learn German and to read Schiller.
+Some of his works are open to objection, his "Bride of
+Messina," portions of "The Robbers," are better omitted
+from your collection, but "Wallenstein" and "Maria
+Stuart" are noble and admirable productions. On this
+subject, and, indeed, on the whole of German literature,
+Madame de Stael is an excellent guide in her "L'Allemagne,"
+to which I refer the young German student,
+who is sincerely desirous of gleaning the good, and
+avoiding the evil in German compositions.</p>
+
+<p>Italian literature furnishes a delightful theme for comment.
+It is singular that an enslaved, and, during many
+ages, a depraved and degraded people, should have possessed
+the purest poetry, the least exceptionable drama,
+in Europe. There is little to exclude, and much to recommend,
+in this beautiful language. The works of
+Tasso abound with high sentiment; the "Inferno" of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_198" id="Pg_198">[198]</a></span>
+Dante is a sublime picture of eternal retribution, softened
+with most touching pictures of human woe. Happy are
+those who have leisure to pursue extensively the acquisition
+of Italian literature, they may read and commit to
+memory without fear of an insidious meaning beneath
+the polished verse, or the prose which has all the charm
+of poetry.</p>
+
+<p>Spanish literature will require the same judicious
+pruning which is necessary in French and German, but
+of all languages, it is the most musical for speech, and
+singing.</p>
+
+<p>A lady in society must, if she would not grow utterly
+weary in company, know how to dance. It has been the
+practice among many excellent people to represent the
+ball room as a "pitfall covered with flowers;" a sheet of
+breaking ice; above, all gayety and motion; below, all
+darkness and danger. It may be that to some minds
+the ball room may be replete with temptations; but there
+are minds which find temptations everywhere. The innocent
+may be innocent, nay, the pious may feel devout,
+even in a ball room. There is nothing immoral or wrong
+in dancing; it is the tendency of youth to dance&mdash;it is
+the first effort of a child&mdash;the first natural recreation.
+It seems so natural that I confess I am always doubtful
+of the sincerity of those young ladies who profess to dislike
+the ball room.</p>
+
+<p>In the present day, you must understand how to move
+gracefully through quadrilles, to dance polka, Schottische,
+Varsovienne, and waltz. To these you may add
+great variety of dances, each season, probably, bringing
+a new one.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_199" id="Pg_199">[199]</a></span>
+"Dancing," says Mr. Sheldrake, "is one of the most
+healthy, as well as one of the most pleasing amusements
+that can be practised by the young. If it is learned
+from those who are well qualified to teach it, and practised,
+as it ought to be, consistently with the instructions
+given, it will contribute more to improve the health, as
+well as the form of the human frame, than any other
+exercise. For the discovery and promulgation of the
+true and correct principles according to which dancing
+should be taught, the world is indebted to France, a
+country which has long taken the lead in the elegant
+arts. In France, dancing was first raised to the dignity
+of a science, a royal academy being founded for the purpose
+of teaching and perfecting it, in the reign of Louis
+Quatorze. In this academy were trained many of the
+most distinguished dancers of both sexes." One of the
+most celebrated, Madame Simonet, gave the following
+account to Mr. Sheldrake of the mode of instruction
+pursued in the academy:&mdash;"All the pupils, before they
+were permitted to attempt to dance, were completely instructed
+in what were called the <i>preparatory exercises</i>;
+that is, a system of exercises, which endued all their
+limbs with strength, firmness, elasticity, and activity;
+when they had acquired these properties, they began to
+dance.</p>
+
+<p>"In these preparatory exercises, the motions were
+of the most simple kind, the object being to teach the
+pupil, gradually and separately, all those movements
+which, when combined, and rapidly executed, constitute
+dancing." Madame Simonet thus described those elementary
+instructions, as gone through by herself:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_200" id="Pg_200">[200]</a></span>&mdash;"She
+successively learned to stand flat and firm upon
+both her feet, with her limbs quite straight, and the
+whole person perfectly upright, but not stiff; then to
+lift one foot from the ground, and to keep it so for some
+time without moving any part of her body; she then replaced
+that foot on the ground, and raised the other in
+the same manner. These simple actions were repeated
+till the pupils were quite familiar with them; they were
+then directed to keep the body quite erect, but not stiff,
+and bearing firmly upon one leg, to raise the other from
+the ground, gradually and slowly, by bending the upper
+joint of the limb, at the same time making the knee
+straight, and putting the toe to its proper extent, but <em>no
+more</em>. The foot, after it had been kept in this state for
+some time, was returned to the ground from whence it
+was taken, and the other foot treated in the same manner;
+when quite familiarized to these actions, they were
+directed to walk (march, as some people will call it)
+slowly, performing the same motions with the feet alternately."
+The exercises which followed these, were
+upon the turning out of the feet, the balancing of the
+body, and other attitudes, which need not be particularized.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Sheldrake gives several examples of persons
+trained upon these initiatory principles to the profession
+of dancing, who have lived in health to a great age.
+"This," says he, "is not the chance lot of a few; for
+I have, through life, been accustomed to see many persons
+of the same profession; I have communicated my
+own observations to many others, and all have agreed
+in remarking, that those who follow this profession have,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_201" id="Pg_201">[201]</a></span>
+very generally, excellent health, which very many of
+them carry into extreme old age. This indisputable fact
+can only be accounted for by supposing that the preparatory
+exercises which these persons go through, are a
+modification of what I have called regulated muscular
+tension, or action, and the early and constant practice
+of which lays a firm foundation for that high health
+which accompanies them through life. It is upon the
+same principle that a soldier is never seen with spinal
+curvature, or other personal deformity, or a stage dancer
+of either sex with a deformed person; it is, perhaps, impossible
+that such things should exist, for the plain reason,
+that the exercises which they begin to practice early
+in life, and continue regularly through its whole course,
+render it impossible for them to become so.</p>
+
+<p>"The inference to be drawn from these incontrovertible
+facts is, that if we, in very early life, teach young
+children to practice similar exercises, and follow them
+steadily afterwards, we shall confirm them in excellent
+health, and prevent the accession of those evils which so
+often cause deformity to the figure, and destruction to
+the constitution, at later periods of life. I do not propose
+to make every boy a soldier, or every girl a dancer
+upon the stage, but to adopt the principles, by the application
+of which those persons are trained to the successful
+practices of their several occupations, and so to
+modify them, that they may qualify other classes of society
+to follow <em>their</em> different pursuits with equal success;
+and I am not without hopes that this undertaking will
+contribute something towards producing this desirable
+effect."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_202" id="Pg_202">[202]</a></span>
+Dancing is an exercise which has been practiced by
+mankind from the most remote ages. With the Egyptians,
+Assyrians, and Persians, the founders of the
+three great empires of the ancient world, dancing was
+the favorite exercise or accomplishment, and the practice
+was not less prevalent among their successors in power
+and importance, the Greeks and Romans. The Jews,
+also, we learn from Scripture, were strongly attached to
+the exercise at all periods of their history.</p>
+
+<p>At the present day, almost every people that exist,
+whether barbarous or civilized, has its own form of dancing.
+It is this universality of the exercise that makes
+dancing a subject of importance. Being so extensively
+practiced, it must be the instrument either of good or
+evil to the human race.</p>
+
+<p>It is one of the most healthful and elegant amusements,
+and cannot be too highly recommended. Among
+a rude and dissolute people it may degenerate into something
+worthy of condemnation; but all the blessings we
+have are similarly liable to abuse, and it would be most
+unjust to condemn a cheerful domestic amusement, merely
+because it has, at times, been degraded by people of low,
+vulgar, immoral tastes. By all physicians, dancing,
+when pursued in moderation, is recommended as highly
+conducive to bodily health; and it may be truly said,
+that, allied with music, nothing is more conducive to
+<em>mental</em> health, more calculated to drive away melancholy,
+and put the whole temper into good humor.</p>
+
+<p>Dancing is the poetry of motion. It must be performed
+with ease and grace, and always with a perfect
+regard for propriety of movement.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_203" id="Pg_203">[203]</a></span>
+As an art it is taught by professed masters; and one
+of the leading rules given to the learner is to raise and
+lower herself gracefully on the elastic part of her feet,
+and to keep perfect time to the music. Dancing is
+really a simple and elegant gliding on the toes, which
+bend more or less to accommodate the steps, and prevent
+harsh, ungraceful motion.</p>
+
+<p>The most popular dances of the present day, are, first,
+the quadrille.</p>
+
+<p>These are of French origin, comparatively tranquil in
+their character, and generally danced once or more in
+every party. They are danced by four couples, one
+standing on each side of a square. There are many sets
+of quadrilles, the figures in each varying from the others.
+But there are five figures in each set. The plain, fancy,
+Lancers, Polka, Mazourka, and German, are among the
+most popular.</p>
+
+<p>In plain quadrilles, a lady takes no steps, merely
+walking gracefully through the figures, but her feet must
+keep perfect time to the music, and she must know the
+changes of position perfectly.</p>
+
+<p>A quadrille may be very properly described as a conversation
+dance, as there are long pauses between the
+figures, when the dancers must have a fund of small talk
+ready for their partners.</p>
+
+<p>When moving in the figures, hold out your skirt a
+little with the right hand, merely to clear the ground,
+and prevent the possibility of treading upon it.</p>
+
+<p>Next come the round dances, the <i>Valse</i>, Polka, Schottische,
+Varsovienne, and Redowa.</p>
+
+<p>The Waltz is danced both <i>à troistemps</i> and <i>deuxtemps</i>.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_204" id="Pg_204">[204]</a></span>
+In the waltz, the position is a most important point.
+You may so lean upon your partner's arm, and so carry
+your figure, that the prudish can find but little fault, but
+you can also make the dance a most immodest one. I
+cannot, within the limits of my book, go into a long argument
+as to the propriety of these round dances.
+Opinions differ, and I am not writing a sermon, but
+giving, as far as is in my power, hints to ladies in society.
+It is, therefore, enough for me to know that these dances
+are tolerated, and that, even were I so inclined, <em>I</em> could
+not exclude them.</p>
+
+<p>To return to the position. Stand a little to the right
+of your partner, that, in clasping your waist, he may
+draw you upon his arm to his shoulder, not his breast;
+the last position is awkward. By observing the first,
+you have your head free; turn it a little towards the left
+shoulder; need I say, never lay it upon your partner's
+shoulder? Throw the head and shoulders a little back,
+not too much to be consistent with easy grace, place one
+hand upon your partner's shoulder, and the other in his
+disengaged hand. So, you are ready to start.</p>
+
+<p>The waltz may be danced to very fast time, or to slow
+music. The last is the most graceful, and there is not so
+much danger of giddiness. Grace can only be gained
+by a perfect timing of the steps to the music, and also
+evenness of step. It is, when properly timed with perfect
+step, and easy, gliding motion, the most graceful of dances.
+The Germans, who dance for the sake of <em>dancing</em>, will
+only allow a certain number of waltzers on the floor at
+one time, and these waltz in streams, all going down one<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_205" id="Pg_205">[205]</a></span>
+side of the room and up the other, thus rendering collisions
+impossible.</p>
+
+<p>An English writer, in a recent work published on etiquette,
+speaks of waltzing thus:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"It is perhaps useless to recommend flat-foot waltzing
+in this country, where ladies allow themselves to be
+almost hugged by their partners, and where men think it
+necessary to lift a lady almost off the ground, but I am
+persuaded that if it were introduced, the outcry against
+the impropriety of waltzing would soon cease. Nothing
+can be more delicate than the way in which a German
+holds his partner. It is impossible to dance on the flat
+foot unless the lady and gentleman are quite free of one
+another. His hand, therefore, goes no further round her
+waist than to the hooks and eyes of her dress, hers, no
+higher than to his elbow. Thus danced, the waltz is
+smooth, graceful, and delicate, and we could never in
+Germany complain of our daughter's languishing on a
+young man's shoulder. On the other hand, nothing is
+more graceless and absurd, than to see a man waltzing
+on the tips of his toes, lifting his partner off the ground,
+or twirling round and round with her like the figures on
+a street organ. The test of waltzing in time, is to be
+able to stamp the time with the left foot. The waltz is
+of German origin, but where it is still danced in Germany
+in the original manner, (as, for instance, among
+the peasants of the Tyrol,) it is a very different dance.
+It is there very slow and graceful; the feet are thrown
+out in a single long step, which Turveydrop, I presume,
+would call a <i>jeté</i>. After a few turns, the partners
+waltz alone in the same step, the man keeping the time<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_206" id="Pg_206">[206]</a></span>
+by striking together his iron-shod heels, until with a
+shout and clapping of hands he again clasps his partner
+and continues in the same slow measure with her."</p>
+
+<p>The position for the polka, redowa, and other round
+dances, should be the same as that for the waltz, and for
+the steps, they can only be acquired from a dancing
+teacher, and are impossible to describe properly.</p>
+
+<p>One of the most delightful accomplishments which a
+lady can possess, and one which is unfortunately but
+little cultivated, is the art of reading aloud well; reading
+with expression, taste, animation, and correctness; and
+this art once acquired, let her also be able to recite well.</p>
+
+<p>Long lectures may be given upon elocution, but the
+advice can be condensed into two directions. First, be
+sure you pronounce, accent, and enunciate every word
+correctly; then, throw your whole soul into the words.
+Study your author carefully, that you may know precisely
+what he means by each expression, and then try
+to bury your personal identity, to become, for the time,
+the character you represent.</p>
+
+<p>One of the most delightful ways to spend a social
+evening, is to devote it to dramatic literature. Invite
+only guests who read well, or who are really interested
+listeners, and select a play, or scenes from several plays,
+and cast the parts among your guests. All jealousy
+must be put aside, and to-night's Hamlet must condescend
+to direct Richard to</p>
+
+<p class="center">"Stand by, my lord, and let the coffin pass,"</p>
+
+<p>to-morrow.</p>
+
+<p>After a few meetings, the peculiar talent of each reader
+will be recognized, and you can select your tragedy hero,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_207" id="Pg_207">[207]</a></span>
+comedy hero, queen, chambermaid, and other members
+of the force, with a view to the display of each one's best
+powers. Vary the entertainment by reciting monologues
+and dialogues. A whole play will often be found tiresome;
+it is best to select several scenes, keeping up the
+thread of the plot, and introducing the best characters,
+and leave out what is mere interlude, and dispense with
+some of the subordinate characters.</p>
+
+<p>Leave one end of the room entirely vacant for the
+readers. You will find it more interesting to have the
+readers stand, and use some little motion; the words
+will flow more easily, the expressions come more forcibly
+if the appropriate gesture is made. Love scenes will, of
+course, require delicate handling, and embracing can be
+easily omitted; neither would I recommend the action
+of a dueling scene, or a murder, but merely to add
+gesture enough to give interest to both readers and
+audience.</p>
+
+<p>You will find some little difficulty from bashfulness,
+and the "don't like to" people at first, but soon you
+will discover with delight how many of your friends possess
+the talent for reading well, and never knew it themselves.</p>
+
+<p>You will do well to take a few lessons in elocution, but
+you need not fear to read if you have never made the
+accomplishment a study. With a correct knowledge of
+your own language, and a love for fine writing, you will
+soon read well.</p>
+
+<p>Give to every part you undertake, the full effect intended
+by the writer. Do not throw all your energy,
+your whole soul, into a leading part at one time, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_208" id="Pg_208">[208]</a></span>
+slight a subordinate character at another. If you have
+but five words to read, read them as they would be
+spoken were you the character you represent for the
+time. To hear a splendidly written, tragic burst of passion
+read in a weak, whining voice, is no worse than to
+have a few simple words from a servant's lips delivered
+with the gesture and emphasis suited to a Medea or Lady
+Macbeth.</p>
+
+<p>I shall be condemned by many serious and well-judging
+persons, if I say one word in favor of private theatricals;
+yet, as it appears to me, there are in these diversions
+some advantages which are not to be found to excuse the
+waltz, or the polka, or the ballet, or the hunting field.
+In private theatricals there is the possibility of <em>some</em>
+benefit. The study of the finest dramatists, especially
+of Shakespeare, is not likely to demoralize the mind, or
+to cool the enthusiasm for what is good. We can scarcely
+know too well those works which have tended more
+to form character than any collection of any kind
+whatsoever.</p>
+
+<p>Shakespeare, Sheridan, Bulwer,&mdash;but I cannot go
+through the list of fine dramatic writers whose works
+elevate the mind and taste. The plays of Sheridan,
+Knowles, and Bulwer, are, in most instances, well
+adapted for private representations&mdash;the most exquisite
+delineations of female character may be found in the
+dramatic library, and high, pure, manly thoughts, may
+be traced, line after line, to the same source.</p>
+
+<p>Private theatricals should, however, be regulated with
+much judgment. I see no reason to restrict too severely
+talent of this kind where it exists, any more than<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_209" id="Pg_209">[209]</a></span>
+to crush a dawning taste for the other fine arts. What
+we have to do is to raise and direct it; never to let it
+occupy too much time, nor to become the business of
+life; never to let it infringe upon duties; never to allow
+it to lead us into an unreasonable, and, therefore, criminal
+expense. Our ancestors were content to strew their
+stage at the end of their halls with rushes, and to hang
+up the name of the scene, instead of a scene, before each
+act. The best preparations, which generally render private
+theatricals both laborious and expensive, add but
+little to the pleasure of the beholders, whose attention
+is fixed upon the actors, and who can always see far finer
+scenes at a minor theatre than at any private theatricals.
+Were we content with greater simplicity in our amusements,
+how much vain ostentation, heart-sickening expense,
+self-recrimination, and trouble, might be avoided!</p>
+
+<p>As a valid objection to private theatricals, it has been
+urged that they are apt to encourage a taste for the
+green-room of the public theatre in young men and boys;
+in women the risk is less, for few women are ever known
+to go on the stage except from necessity. I own this
+objection to theatricals is the greatest that can be urged.
+It can only be answered in mitigation that, where there
+exists a taste of the kind, it is better that it should be
+indulged at home, instead of at the theatre, with the
+modest inmates of a well-governed house, instead of with
+professional actors. Like all other amusements, the
+abuse is probable, but the power of restraint rests within
+ourselves.</p>
+
+<p>Under the same head as private theatricals may come
+dramatized charades and proverbs, so much in fashion<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_210" id="Pg_210">[210]</a></span>
+at the present time. These last have some great advantages
+over the standard plays; they are better suited to
+a parlor; they do not provoke comparison between the
+young actors, and the favorite public idols; they require
+but little scenery and arrangement; they are short; and
+they do not require so many subordinate characters.</p>
+
+<p>Impromptu charades and proverbs are delightful, and
+are the occasion for much merriment; the mistakes, the
+absurd contrasts between character and costume, the
+scenery&mdash;a deep, hanging wood, the court of Louis Quatorze
+or the deck of a man of war, being improvised at
+a moment's notice, only add to the merry enjoyment.</p>
+
+<p>One rule you must observe if you join in these amusements:
+never to carry your gayety into romping. Merry
+and laughing you may be, yet never forget you are a
+lady. You may personate a newly-caught Irish chambermaid,
+use the broadest brogue, wear the commonest
+dress, throw yourself heartily and thoroughly into the
+part, losing your personal identity almost entirely, and
+yet you may retain that nameless charm, which will place
+you in the mind of each of the audience as a lady of refinement.</p>
+
+<p>You must also be perfectly good-natured and self-sacrificing;
+ready to play the smallest parts with the same
+interest you would throw into the principal ones. Try
+to throw out all the good points in the parts taken by
+the other members of the company. If you play an insignificant
+part, play it well, with all the grace you can,
+make the most of it, but do not try to raise it to the first
+place. Yield gracefully the prominent position to those
+who claim it in the plot of the play, and never try by<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_211" id="Pg_211">[211]</a></span>
+conspicuous dress or by play, to go beyond the position
+set down for you.</p>
+
+<p>Another delightful accomplishment, and one which
+will aid you if you are studying drawing and painting, is
+that of arranging <i>tableaux vivants</i>.</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Severn gives the following hints upon this
+subject:</p>
+
+<p>"Perhaps there is no intellectual amusement in fashionable
+life, the nature of which is so little understood,
+as the <i>tableau vivant</i>; it being generally considered as
+only a vehicle for display, whereas its real purpose is to
+arrange scientifically a combination of natural objects,
+so as to make a good picture according to the rules of
+art.</p>
+
+<p>"A <i>tableau vivant</i> is literally what its name imports&mdash;a
+living picture composed of living persons; and, when
+skilfully arranged and seen at a proper distance, it produces
+all the effect of a real picture. It is said, that the
+first living picture was contrived by a profligate young
+German nobleman, who having, during the absence of
+his father, sold one of the celebrated pictures belonging
+to the old castle, which was an heir-loom, to conceal the
+deficiency, placed some of his companions behind the
+frame, so as to imitate the missing picture, and to
+deceive his father, who passed through the room without
+being conscious of his loss.</p>
+
+<p>"A <i>tableau vivant</i> may be formed in two ways: it
+may consist of a group of persons, who take some well-known
+subject in history or fiction to illustrate, and who
+form a group to tell the story according to their own
+taste; or, it may be a copy, as exact as circumstances<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_212" id="Pg_212">[212]</a></span>
+will permit, of some celebrated picture. The first plan,
+it may be easily imagined, is very rarely effective; since,
+as we find that even the best masters are often months,
+or even years, before they can arrange a group satisfactorily
+on canvas, it is not probable that persons who are
+not artists should succeed in making good impromptu
+pictures. Indeed, it has been observed, that artists
+themselves, when they have to arrange a <i>tableau vivant</i>,
+always prefer copying a picture to composing one.</p>
+
+<p>"Copying a real picture, by placing living persons in
+the positions of the figures indicated in the picture, appears,
+at first sight, an easy task enough; and the effect
+ought to be easily attained, as there can be no bad drawing,
+and no confused light and shade, to destroy the
+effect of the grouping. There are, however, many difficulties
+to conquer, which it requires some knowledge
+of art to be aware of. Painting being on a flat surface,
+every means are taken to give roundness and relief to
+the figures, which qualities of course are found naturally
+in a <i>tableau vivant</i>. In a picture the light is made
+effective by a dark shadow placed near it; diminished
+lights or demi-tints are introduced to prevent the principal
+light appearing a spot; and these are linked together
+by artful shades, which show the outline in some places,
+and hide it in others. The colors must also be carefully
+arranged, so as to blend or harmonize with each other.
+A want of attention to these minute points will be sufficient
+to destroy the effect of the finest picture, even to
+those who are so unacquainted with art as to be incapable
+of explaining why they are dissatisfied, except by an involuntary
+liking or disliking of what they see.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_213" id="Pg_213">[213]</a></span>
+"The best place for putting up a <i>tableau vivant</i> is in a
+door-way, with an equal space on each side; or, at least,
+some space on both sides is necessary; and if there is a
+room or a passage between the door selected for the
+picture and the room the company is to see it from, so
+much the better, as there should be a distance of at least
+four yards between the first row of the spectators and
+the picture. It must be remembered that, while the
+tableau is being shown, nearly all the lights must be put
+out in the room where the company is assembled; and,
+perhaps, only one single candle, properly placed, in the
+intervening space between the company and the tableau,
+must be left slightly to illuminate the frame. In the
+above-mentioned door-way a frame, somewhat smaller
+than the original picture, must be suspended, three, four,
+or even five feet from the floor, as may suit the height
+of the door; or, if the door is not very high, the frame
+may be put one or two feet behind, to gain space; but
+care must be taken to fill up the opening that would, in
+that case, show between the door-way and the frame;
+also a piece of dark cloth ought to be put from the bottom
+of the frame to the ground, to give the appearance of the
+picture hanging on the wall. The most important thing
+is, that the chairs or tables ought to be placed behind
+the frame, so that the persons who are to represent the
+tableau may sit or stand as nearly in the position, with
+regard to the frame, as the figures appear to do in the
+real picture they are trying to imitate, and at about two
+feet from the frame, so that the light which is attached
+to the back of the frame may fall properly on the figures.
+In order to accomplish this, great study and contrivance<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_214" id="Pg_214">[214]</a></span>
+are required, so that the shades may fall in precisely the
+same places as in the original picture; and sometimes
+the light is put on one side, sometimes on the other, and
+often on the top; and sometimes shades of tin or paper
+are put between the lights and the tableaux, to assist in
+throwing a shadow over any particular part. The background
+is one of the most important parts, and should be
+made to resemble that of the picture as nearly as possible;
+if it is dark, coarse cloth absorbs the light best; but
+whether it is to be black, blue, or brown, must depend on
+the tint of the picture; should the background be a light
+one, colored calico, turned on the wrong side, is generally
+used. If trees or flowers form the background, of course
+real branches or plants must be introduced to imitate
+those in the picture. Even rocks have been imitated;
+and spun glass has often successfully represented water.
+A thin, black gauze, black muslin, or tarlatan veil, should
+be fastened to the top of the frame, on the <em>outside</em> of it,
+through which the tableau is to be seen.</p>
+
+<p>"Care ought to be taken to conceal the peculiarities
+of the different materials used in the draperies, and it is
+even sometimes necessary to cover the stuffs used for the
+purpose with a gauze of a different color, so as to imitate
+the broken and transparent colors found in most good
+pictures. This, carefully attended to, will give a quietness
+and simplicity to the whole, which will greatly add
+to the illusion."</p>
+
+<p>The next subject upon the list of accomplishments,
+should be filled by some words upon fancy sewing.
+Under this head will come&mdash;Crochet, Knitting, Tapestry
+work, Embroidery, Chenille work, Netting, Canvas<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_215" id="Pg_215">[215]</a></span>
+work, Berlin wool work, Frame work, Braiding, Bead
+work, etc.</p>
+
+<p>Small social gatherings will be much more entertaining,
+the time will pass much more quickly, and the conversation
+flows more freely if the fingers are employed
+with some light work.</p>
+
+<p>Pretty presents&mdash;nay, beautiful ones&mdash;may be made
+in this way, when the fingers would otherwise be idle,
+and these will have an additional value in being the work
+of your own hands.</p>
+
+<p>From the most remote ages needlework has been, not
+only a source of pecuniary advantage for poor women, but
+also of pleasant pastime for the rich. It is one of the most
+elegant of the imitative art, and from time immemorial
+it has been an amusement for otherwise idle fingers, from
+the cottage to the palace.</p>
+
+<p>I have not space for a long disquisition upon the uses
+and pleasures of fancy work; every woman has moments
+when such pretty playwork will be a valuable recreation.
+The taste for fancy work increases daily, and can be
+made not only ornamental, but useful. A ladies' wardrobe
+consists of so many, and such varied objects, that
+the evenings of an entire winter may be spent in making
+various useful garments, which are, at the same time,
+suitable for company sewing. Opera hoods, wool shawls,
+sleeves, Sontags, and other ladies' articles, may be varied
+by embroidering smoking caps, slippers, or handkerchiefs
+for gentlemen.</p>
+
+<p>Embroidering on canvas, or tapestry work, opens a
+large field for taste and skill in execution. Beautiful<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_216" id="Pg_216">[216]</a></span>
+articles for presents, chair covers, sofa cushions, slippers,
+may be worked in the otherwise idle moments spent in
+familiar society, and the fingers will soon acquire skill
+and astonishing rapidity.</p>
+
+<p>The German ladies have constantly on hand a piece
+of netting or other fancy work, which they carry from
+place to place, and take out when conversing; and so
+far from entirely engrossing their thoughts, they chat
+more readily and freely with their fingers thus employed.</p>
+
+<p>American ladies will find the custom worth imitating.
+Many tedious hours will be smoothly, pleasantly
+passed, with the mind free, but the fingers pleasantly
+occupied.</p>
+
+<p>An evening passed in sewing or knitting, with one
+good reader to entertain the industrious workers, will be
+found very pleasant. I have known a circle of young
+people meet every week to work in this way, the reader
+being changed twice or three times in the course of the
+evening, and these meetings have proved so pleasant,
+that scarcely any member failed to plead "prior engagement"
+if invited out upon the evening appointed to read
+and sew.</p>
+
+<p>It was formerly objected by the adversaries to mental
+cultivation in women, that the acquirement of book learning
+would make them neglect needlework; but so far
+from this being the case, the present, which is often
+called the age of learning, is preëminently a working age.
+Never were fingers more actively engaged than those of
+the rising female generation; braiding, embroidery,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_217" id="Pg_217">[217]</a></span>
+Berlin work, knitting, netting, and crochet, are all in
+full play. A long neglected work has been recently revived,
+called by the French "La Frivolité." It is very
+pretty evening work, partly because it does not impede
+conversation, for it may be carried on almost without
+looking at it, and partly because no other work shows to
+so much advantage the grace and delicacy of the hands.
+The most simple form of this work was anciently known
+under the name of Tatting, but that only consisted of a
+series of loops in a straight line, which were used for
+trimming linen articles, and which was not so pretty as
+La Frivolité, which has varieties which are a good imitation
+of point, and may be used for collars and sleeves.</p>
+
+<p>I give a few specimens of pretty work for evening
+sewing, and refer the reader to "The Ladies' Handbook
+of Embroidery," published by G. G. Evans, for a
+full, complete description of every kind of fancy work,
+with specimens, patterns, and clear, plain directions.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Netted Cuffs</span>&mdash;These cuffs are very pretty, and
+easy to make. They are in plain netting, and will
+require white, and five shades of scarlet wool.</p>
+
+<p>Set on thirty-five stitches of the white wool. Net five
+rows, then take a mesh a very little larger, and widen by
+netting two stitches in every stitch. Then net with the
+smallest mesh the two lightest shades, one row of each,
+and two rows of the other three shades. Then graduate
+the shades back again to white, narrowing the first row
+of white with the larger mesh. Net ten rows with the
+smaller mesh, widen again, repeat the shades of red,
+narrow again, and finish with the five rows of white.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_218" id="Pg_218">[218]</a></span></p>
+
+<h3>KNITTED OPERA CAP.</h3>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Materials Required</span>&mdash;Half an ounce of white and
+half an ounce of shaded Berlin wool will be sufficient.</p>
+
+<p>Cast on a hundred stitches with white wool, and knit
+and pearl alternately for four rows.</p>
+
+<p><i>Shaded wool</i>&mdash;Knit one row plain; next row bring
+forward, and take two together to the end.</p>
+
+<p><i>White wool</i>&mdash;Knit and pearl alternately four rows.</p>
+
+<p><i>Shaded wool</i>&mdash;Knit plain six rows.</p>
+
+<p><i>White wool</i>&mdash;Knit a row, decreasing it by taking the
+first two stitches together, and the last two. Pearl a
+row. Knit a row, decreasing it as before. Pearl a row.</p>
+
+<p><i>Shaded wool</i>&mdash;Knit a row, decreasing at the beginning
+and end. Next row, bring forward and take two together
+to the end.</p>
+
+<p><i>White wool</i>&mdash;Knit a row, decreasing at both ends.
+Pearl a row. Knit a row, decreasing as before. Pearl
+a row.</p>
+
+<h3>FOR THE PATTERN IN THE CENTRE OF THE
+CAP.</h3>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Shaded Wool</span>&mdash;<i>1st row</i>&mdash;Slip one. Knit two plain
+stitches (<i>a.</i>) Wool forward. Knit one. Wool forward.
+Knit two together. Knit one. Knit two together.
+Repeat from (<i>a.</i>)</p>
+
+<p><i>2nd row</i>&mdash;Pearled.</p>
+
+<p><i>3rd row</i>&mdash;Slip one. Knit two plain stitches (<i>b.</i>)
+Wool forward. Knit three plain stitches. Wool forward.
+Slip one. Knit two together. Pass the slipped
+stitch over the knitted ones. Repeat from (<i>b.</i>)</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_219" id="Pg_219">[219]</a></span>
+<i>4th row</i>&mdash;Pearled.</p>
+
+<p><i>5th row</i>&mdash;Slip one. Knit two plain stitches, (<i>c.</i>)
+Wool forward. Knit two together. Knit one. Knit
+two together. Wool forward. Knit one. Repeat
+from (<i>c.</i>)</p>
+
+<p><i>6th row</i>&mdash;Pearled.</p>
+
+<p><i>7th row</i>&mdash;Slip one. Knit two plain stitches (<i>d.</i>)
+Wool forward. Slip one. Knit two together. Pass
+the slipped stitch over the knitted ones. Wool forward.
+Knit three plain stitches. Repeat from (<i>d.</i>)</p>
+
+<p><i>8th row</i>&mdash;Pearled. Repeat the last eight rows.</p>
+
+<p><i>White wool</i>&mdash;Knit and pearl alternately for four rows;
+decrease at the beginning and ending of the two plain
+rows.</p>
+
+<p><i>Shaded wool</i>&mdash;Knit one plain row; decrease at the
+beginning and ending. Next row; bring the wool forward,
+knit two together to the end of the row.</p>
+
+<p><i>White wool</i>&mdash;Knit and pearl alternately for four rows;
+decrease at the beginning and ending of the two plain
+rows.</p>
+
+<p>Knit eighteen plain stitches, run a piece of cotton
+through the remaining sixty-two stitches. Pearl and
+knit alternately, decreasing at the beginning and ending
+of every plain row, until you have four stitches remaining;
+cast them off; then take up eighteen stitches on the
+opposite sides, and work a piece to correspond; leaving
+forty-four centre stitches on the cotton.</p>
+
+<p>Take up the centre stitches on a needle pointed at
+both ends, draw the cotton out; then pick up fourteen
+stitches at each end of the needle.</p>
+
+<p><i>Shaded wool</i>&mdash;Knit two plain rows.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_220" id="Pg_220">[220]</a></span>
+<i>White wool</i>&mdash;Knit one plain row. Next row; wool
+forward, knit two together to the end of the row.</p>
+
+<p><i>Shaded wool</i>&mdash;Knit two plain rows and cast off. Join
+the two points together at the back of the cap. Fold
+the front at the first pattern row, and hem it to form the
+scallop at the edge. Pick up eighty stitches at the back
+of the cap.</p>
+
+<h3>AN ECONOMICAL POINT COLLAR.</h3>
+
+<p>It is well known that worked muslin collars, particularly
+if the work is good, very soon wear out; as the
+work is too heavy for the muslin, which, when it has
+been washed two or three times, becomes full of slits and
+holes, though the work is still as good as ever. When
+this is the case, cut the muslin off the work with a pair
+of sharp scissors, and lay the work on the pattern of a
+collar cut in paper, so as to fill the whole of the pattern.
+The work may be taken from two or three
+collars; the arrangement of it must depend upon taste.
+When the cut-out work is properly arranged, it must
+be tacked or basted to the paper pattern; and this
+is best done with colored thread, that no mistake may
+arise when the basting threads are to be drawn out.
+Four or six threads are then drawn from one piece of
+work to another, with a needle and cotton, so as to attach
+them together, and the loose threads are then overcast
+like button-holes, so as to imitate the uniting
+threads of point lace. When well done, with a sufficient
+quantity of the uniting threads, to make the work firm,
+these collars are handsome, and will wash and wear
+well.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_221" id="Pg_221">[221]</a></span></p>
+
+<h3>KNITTED VEILS.</h3>
+
+<p>It is now customary to knit white veils of what is
+called Lady Betty's wool, for babies to put over their
+faces when they are carried out in cold weather, instead
+of pocket-handkerchiefs, which were formerly used for
+the purpose, though they were very unfit for it. Knitted
+veils in black silk or worsted are also worn by grown-up
+persons. The veils for babies are very simple in their
+construction; they consist of oblong pieces of knitting
+of any width and depth that may be required, with
+knitted lace at the bottom and sides, and a string case
+at the top. The following pattern is the most common:</p>
+
+<p>Knit and pearl alternately four rows, so that there
+may be two of each; then bring forward and take two
+together an entire row. This pattern is repeated through
+the entire veil; and it must be observed, that as many
+stitches must be cast on as will make it of the necessary
+width. The needles should be of the smallest size, of
+bone. Any lace will do; but the following pattern,
+though not new, is both pretty and suitable; and has,
+besides, the important recomendation of being very easy.</p>
+
+<p>Cast on eleven stitches and knit a row plain, then begin
+the pattern.</p>
+
+<p><i>1st row</i>&mdash;Knit three; bring forward and take two together;
+knit one, take two together; put the thread
+twice round the needle, take two together, and knit one.</p>
+
+<p><i>2nd row</i>&mdash;Knit two, pearl one, knit one, put the thread
+twice round the needle, take two together, bring forward,
+and knit five.</p>
+
+<p><i>3rd row</i>&mdash;Knit three, bring forward, take two together,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_222" id="Pg_222">[222]</a></span>
+knit one, bring forward, knit two, pearl one, bring forward,
+take two together, and knit two.</p>
+
+<p><i>4th row</i>&mdash;Knit two, bring forward, knit five, bring forward,
+take two together, knit five.</p>
+
+<p><i>5th</i> row&mdash;Knit three, bring forward, and take two together,
+knit the rest plain.</p>
+
+<p><i>6th row</i>&mdash;Cast off four, and knit the rest plain.</p>
+
+<h3>HINTS TO CROCHET-WORKERS.</h3>
+
+<p>Examine carefully the form of the needle, and <em>try</em> the
+hook, to ascertain that it is perfectly smooth. Some are
+so sharp and ill-made as to tear the cotton. Select those
+which are not of uniform thickness up to the hook; the
+best are those which are thinner there than an inch farther
+up. Where the needle is not proportionally fine
+near the hook, it is almost impossible to keep the work
+even.</p>
+
+<p>Chain stitch ought to be done rather loosely, as working
+on it afterwards contracts it, and is apt to give it
+a puckered appearance. It is often advisable to use a
+needle one size larger for making the chain than for
+the rest of the work, especially in edgings. It will be
+found much easier to work the succeeding rows when this
+precaution is taken. Crochet needles should be kept in
+a housewife similar to those used for ordinary needles.
+The slightest soil or rust should be effaced with fine sandpaper.</p>
+
+<h3>ORNAMENTAL NET FOR THE HAIR.</h3>
+
+<p>Take two pieces of fine silk braid, scarlet or royal
+blue, and a No. 3 bone crochet hook.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_223" id="Pg_223">[223]</a></span>
+Make a chain of eight stitches, unite the ends, and
+then <span class="smcapuc">D. C.</span> the first round, putting two stitches into each
+loop; there will now be sixteen stitches and in the next
+round one long must be worked into every stitch, and
+two chain between each long; the round will now consist
+of forty-eight stitches, and we commence the pattern, or
+diamonds.</p>
+
+<p><i>3rd round</i>&mdash;Three long, two chain, four long with two
+chain after each, and these long put into every second
+loop; repeat.</p>
+
+<p><i>4th round</i>&mdash;Five long, two chain, five long with two
+chain after each, and these long put into every second
+loop with the exception of the fifth or last of them,
+which must skip two stitches instead of one; repeat.</p>
+
+<p><i>5th round</i>&mdash;Seven long, two chain, seven long with
+two chain after each, and each of these long put into
+every second stitch; repeat.</p>
+
+<p><i>6th round</i>&mdash;Five long, two chain, five long with two
+chain after each, and each of these long put into every
+other stitch, three long, two chain, five long again with
+two chain after each, and each put into every second
+stitch; repeat from beginning.</p>
+
+<p><i>7th round</i>&mdash;Three long, two chain, five long with two
+chain after each and worked in every third loop, five
+long, two chain, five long again with two chain after each,
+and these long worked as aforesaid in every third loop;
+repeat from beginning.</p>
+
+<p><i>8th round</i>&mdash;One long, two chain, five long with two
+chain after each and these long put into every third
+stitch, seven long, two chain, again five long, &amp;c. &amp;c.;
+repeat from beginning.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_224" id="Pg_224">[224]</a></span>
+<i>9th round</i>&mdash;Six long with two chain after each and
+work in every third stitch, (five long, twelve long with
+two chain after each, these long put in every third
+stitch); repeat the pattern in brackets.</p>
+
+<p><i>10th round</i>&mdash;Nine long with two chain after them,
+these long being worked in every second loop, (three
+long, two chain, nineteen long with two chain after them,
+and the long worked in every second loop); repeat the
+pattern in brackets.</p>
+
+<p><i>11th, 12th, and 13th rounds</i>&mdash;A long and two chain
+all round, and the long being worked alternately in every
+second and third loop; care being taken to bring one
+into the position to complete each diamond as it is come
+to.</p>
+
+<p>A crochet edging, begun with braid, and the last two
+or three rows worked with gold twist as nearly the size
+of the braid as may be, and a cord and tassels, finish off
+this elegant head-dress.</p>
+
+<p>The cord should be run in and out through the thirteenth
+round. We, however, prefer a single-crochet
+band of some fifty stitches long and six or eight wide,
+worked in the same material as the net, to a cord, and
+this band may be finished off with a piece of gold fringe
+instead of tassels at the ends, or with a scallop of edging
+crocheted in gold twist.</p>
+
+<h3>DRESS GLOVE BANDS; FULL OR FRILLED
+SHAPE.</h3>
+
+<p>Take three pieces of fine embroidery chenille, and a
+No. 3 bone crochet hook.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_225" id="Pg_225">[225]</a></span>
+Make a chain of about forty stitches, or one long
+enough to go round the wrist; Dc one row.</p>
+
+<p><i>3rd row</i>&mdash;Two long, one chain and miss a stitch&mdash;repeat
+this all along. Then one row Dc.</p>
+
+<p><i>6th row</i>&mdash;Long crochet worked <em>very</em> loosely, so much
+so as to leave these stitches <em>at least</em> half an inch high;
+two stitches to be put into every second or third loop
+and one in each of the others all the way along; fasten
+off.</p>
+
+<p>Join the chenille now on to the first row, and work a
+similar row or frill to the one just directed, so that there
+be one on each side.</p>
+
+<p>Run a narrow velvet through the holes of the third
+row and affix wider velvet ends, or chenille tassels to
+each extremity. Finish off with a button and loop, and
+flute the frill on each side over the finger to make it set.</p>
+
+<p>We need scarcely say that the chenille used should be
+selected to match or agree with the evening dress, and
+that the velvet must match the chenille.</p>
+
+<p>These bands may be made to look very handsome by
+working a row of Dc loosely and evenly along the edge
+of each frill with gold or silver twist, and running a
+band of gold or silver braid or trimming through the
+holes in the third row instead of velvet. Then small
+bullion tassels to match the twist will form a suitable and
+elegant finish.</p>
+
+<p>These bands may be worked round and slid over the
+hand like muffatees, or made open as we have directed
+and buttoned, like the glove. The buttons should be
+covered with crochet, and the loops crocheted.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_226" id="Pg_226">[226]</a></span></p>
+
+<h3>KNITTED UNDER HABIT SHIRT.</h3>
+
+<p>Three ounces of Three thread White Fleecy Wool.
+Pair of No. 10 Bone Knitting Pins. Cast on forty-five
+stitches.</p>
+
+<p>Knit three rows.</p>
+
+<p><i>4th row</i>&mdash;Knit ten; × make two and knit two together;
+knit one; × knit the last six stitches.</p>
+
+<p><i>5th row</i>&mdash;Knit, dropping the second of each of the
+two made stitches all along.</p>
+
+<p>Knit eight rows.</p>
+
+<p><i>14th row</i>&mdash;Knit ten; × make one and knit two together
+× repeat until six remain; knit three; make
+one; knit three.</p>
+
+<p><i>15th row</i>&mdash;Knit six; × make one and knit two together
+× repeat until ten remain, which knit.</p>
+
+<p>Repeat these two rows three times more each, only not
+enlarging one (as in the end of row fourteen), <em>every</em> time,
+but only once in four rows, merely knitting the six in
+the intervening rows.</p>
+
+<p><i>22nd row</i>&mdash;Knit. Knit the next seven rows.</p>
+
+<p><i>30th row</i>&mdash;Same as <i>14th</i>.</p>
+
+<p><i>31st</i> row&mdash;Same as <i>15th</i>.</p>
+
+<p>Keep on alternately knitting eight open, and then
+eight knitted rows, and enlarging one stitch at the end in
+every fourth row until there are a hundred and twenty-four
+rows.</p>
+
+<p>Then decrease one stitch at the beginning or front in
+every other row for thirty-two rows, still continuing the
+pattern as before, and still enlarging one stitch in every<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_227" id="Pg_227">[227]</a></span>
+fourth row, at the end or back. This shapes one side of
+the neck.</p>
+
+<p>Now knit forty-eight rows without increase or decrease
+at either end, continuing the pattern or alternation of
+eight open and eight plain knitted rows. This forms the
+back of the neck and the bottom of the back of the habit-shirt.</p>
+
+<p>In the next thirty-two rows we diminish one in every
+fourth row, by knitting two together at the back, while
+at the same time in every fourth row, at the back, we
+knit two together, and make one in order to form a series
+of holes, or pattern parallel to that on the other side
+caused by enlarging in every fourth row. We also cast
+on one, at the opposite end, in every other row, to shape
+the second side of the neck. We then knit one hundred
+and twelve rows, having each ten knitted stitches in the
+front of the habit-shirt, as on the opposite side, and six at
+the back, and decreasing one in every fourth row, at the
+back, and continuing the pattern, and also the series of
+holes at the back.</p>
+
+<p>Knit eight rows.</p>
+
+<p>Knit ten stitches, × make two and knit two together;
+× knit six at end.</p>
+
+<p>Knit all, dropping the second of each of the two made
+stitches. Knit two rows; cast off.</p>
+
+<p>Now, with same needles, pick up the stitches all along
+the right front of the habit-shirt; knit two rows and cast
+off. Do the same on the left front. Then pick up those
+of the neck, and do the same, shaping it, if necessary,
+by knitting two together occasionally. These finishing-off
+rows look pretty done in pale pink or blue wool.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_228" id="Pg_228">[228]</a></span>
+Button-holes may be made thus:&mdash;in the front or where
+the ten stitches are, and about once in thirty rows, knit
+three; cast off four; knit three instead of knitting the
+ten as usual. Next row, when we get back to the ten
+stitches, knit three; cast on four; knit three.</p>
+
+<h3>INFANT'S KNITTED SOCKS.</h3>
+
+<p>Half an ounce of White Lamb's Wool. Three No.
+13 Knitting Needles. Cast on Thirty stitches.</p>
+
+<p><i>1st row</i>&mdash;Knit.</p>
+
+<p><i>2nd row</i>&mdash;Knit two; make or enlarge one stitch by
+picking up one from the previous row and knitting it;
+knit all the rest.</p>
+
+<p><i>3rd row</i>&mdash;Knit. Repeat second and third rows alternately
+four times more each of them.</p>
+
+<p><i>12th row</i>&mdash;Knit two; make a stitch according to directions
+above given; knit rest until four remain; knit
+two together; knit two.</p>
+
+<p><i>13th row</i>&mdash;Knit. Repeat these two rows alternately
+three times more each.</p>
+
+<p><i>20th row</i>&mdash;Knit two; enlarge one as before directed;
+knit rest until two remain; enlarge one; knit two.</p>
+
+<p><i>21st row</i>&mdash;Knit. Repeat these two rows alternately
+three more times each.</p>
+
+<p><i>28th row</i>&mdash;Knit.</p>
+
+<p><i>29th row</i>&mdash;Knit fourteen stitches, and leave the other
+upon the needle. Take up the third needle and knit
+twenty rows more, of fourteen stitches each.</p>
+
+<p><i>49th row</i>&mdash;Knit two together; knit twelve; on same
+needle, and with same wool, cast on twenty-seven
+stitches.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_229" id="Pg_229">[229]</a></span>
+<i>50th row</i>&mdash;Knit.</p>
+
+<p><i>51st row</i>&mdash;Knit two; knit two together; knit rest
+until four remain; knit two together; knit two.</p>
+
+<p><i>52nd row</i>&mdash;Knit. Repeat these two rows alternately
+twice more each.</p>
+
+<p><i>57th row</i>&mdash;Knit two; make one in manner directed;
+knit rest until four remain; knit two together; knit two.</p>
+
+<p><i>58th row</i>&mdash;Knit. Repeat these two rows alternately
+three times more each.</p>
+
+<p><i>65th row</i>&mdash;Knit all until four remain; knit two together;
+knit two.</p>
+
+<p><i>66th row</i>&mdash;Knit. Repeat these two rows alternately
+four more times each.</p>
+
+<p><i>75th row</i>&mdash;Knit.</p>
+
+<p><i>76th row</i>&mdash;Cast off.</p>
+
+<p>This completes the slipper portion of the sock. We
+now begin the instep-piece. Take the wool and knit off
+ten stitches from the needle on which the twenty-seven
+stitches were left; knit these ten from the toe-end, or
+that where the twenty rows of fourteen stitches each has
+been made; leave the remaining seventeen stitches still
+on the same needle. Knit twenty rows of ten stitches,
+and in every other one pick up the edge-stitch of the
+toe-piece and knit it with the tenth stitch, so as to unite
+these two portions, viz: the toe and the instep. With
+each stitch of the twentieth row, an edge-stitch of the
+side at the toe-end of the slipper must be picked up,
+knitted and cast off, and a neat and entire union of the
+toe of the slipper and the instep piece formed.</p>
+
+<p>This instep piece is to be ribbed in rows of four, viz:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_230" id="Pg_230">[230]</a></span>
+four rows in which the plain side is uppermost, and four
+rows in which the pearled side is uppermost.</p>
+
+<p>We now commence the leg portion of the sock.</p>
+
+<p>With the needle which has been left in the first side
+of the slipper carefully pick up the edge-stitches all
+along the instep-piece and side of the slipper; when this
+is done, there should be about fifty on the needle. Take
+the wool and knit all along, including the picked up
+stitches, and the seventeen originally on the needle.
+Knit two rows.</p>
+
+<p><i>4th row</i>&mdash;Knit two; × make two (not by picking up,
+but in the ordinary way, by passing the wool twice over
+the needle), and knit two together; knit one; × repeat.</p>
+
+<p><i>5th row</i>&mdash;Knit all; casting off one of each of the
+double made stitches. Now knit twenty rows ribbed like
+the instep-piece.</p>
+
+<p><i>26th row</i>&mdash;× Knit one; make one and knit two together;
+× repeat all round.</p>
+
+<p><i>27th row</i>&mdash;Knit.</p>
+
+<p><i>28th row</i>&mdash;Knit two; × make one and knit two together;
+knit one; × repeat.</p>
+
+<p><i>29th, 30th, and 31st rows</i>&mdash;Knit.</p>
+
+<p><i>32nd row</i>&mdash;Cast off.</p>
+
+<p>Take a wool needle, thread it with wool, and sew up
+the sock neatly, stitch for stitch, from the top of the leg
+to the point of the sole; then sew the toe; turn it; put
+on a little rosette of raveled wool; run a ribbon in and
+out through the holes at rows 4 and 5, of the leg portion,
+and it is completed.</p>
+
+<p>As this is intended for an Infant's Sock, we have ordered
+white wool, that being most useful; should it,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_231" id="Pg_231">[231]</a></span>
+however, be wished to knit socks for an older baby, the
+slipper may be made of Cerise, Scarlet, Pale Blue,
+Green, or Straw-colored wool; and the 26th, 27th, and
+28th rows, of the leg portion, and the casting-off done in
+the color of the slipper; while the instep-piece and the
+rest of the sock are made in white wool.</p>
+
+<p>The sock may also be enlarged by casting on extra
+stitches in the beginning, and adding a couple of rows to
+each of the divisions of the slipper part, and enough to
+the toe to preserve its form and symmetry.</p>
+
+<p>Almost any of the open anti-maccassar patterns may
+be used for knitting the sock and instep-piece, if a light
+lace-like appearance is desired. The well-known rose-leaf
+pattern looks particularly pretty.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_232" id="Pg_232">[232]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_XXII" id="CHPTR_XXII"></a>CHAPTER XXII.<br />
+<span class="subttl">SERVANTS.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>An English writer, speaking of servants, says:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"There is no question but that we should seek to perform
+<em>all</em> our duties without hope of recompense; and
+yet, as regards our treatment of servants, we should be
+especially careful that, in endeavoring to make their
+bodily comfort and mental improvement an object of consideration,
+we do not allow ourselves to dwell on the
+hope of gratitude or affection from them in return.
+Many have done so, and having, with that view, been
+tempted to accord unwise indulgences and to overlook
+serious faults, they have found that, far from gaining the
+love of their servants, they have incurred their contempt;
+and when they have perceived that their favors, unappreciated,
+have led but to new encroachments, they have
+hardened their hearts and rushed into an opposite extreme.
+Then they have considered their servants as
+mere machines, from which labor must be extorted by all
+available means.</p>
+
+<p>"A man servant is rarely grateful, and seldom attached.
+He is generally incapable of appreciating those
+advantages which, with your cultivated judgment, you<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_233" id="Pg_233">[233]</a></span>
+know to be the most conducive to his welfare. Do you
+accord to him regular hours, a stated allowance of work;
+do you refrain from sending him out because it is wet
+and he is unwell; do you serve yourself rather than ring
+for him at dinner time; he will rarely have the grace to
+thank you in his heart for your constant consideration.
+Hear him! He will thus describe a comfortable place:&mdash;'There
+were very few in the family; when they went
+out of a night, we made it up of a morning; we had nice
+hot suppers, and the cook made a good hash for breakfast,
+and we always got luncheon between that and dinner;
+and we were all very comfortable together, and had
+a friend in when we liked. Master swore at us sometimes,
+but often made us a present for it when he had
+been very violent; a good-hearted man as ever lived, and
+mistress was quite the lady, and never meddled with
+servants. It was a capital place!'</p>
+
+<p>"Servants' sympathies are with their equals. They
+feel for a poor servant run off his legs, and moped to
+death; they have no feeling for a pains-taking mistress,
+economical both from principle and scanty means; they
+would (most of them) see her property wasted, and her
+confidence abused without compunction. It is the last
+effort of a virtue in a servant if, without any <em>private
+reason</em>, he should discharge his duty by informing you
+of the injury which you are enduring at the hands of his
+fellow servant. It is an effort of virtue, for it will bring
+down many a bitter taunt and hard word upon his faithful
+head. '<em>I</em> never got a servant out of a place by telling
+tales on him,' will be said to him. Directly a servant
+departs, we all know, tongues, tied before, are<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_234" id="Pg_234">[234]</a></span>
+loosed, to gain our favor by apparent candor. When it
+can avail us nothing, we are told. We all know this, and
+have said, 'Be silent now, you should have mentioned
+this at the time.' Supposing, then, you have the <i>rara
+avis</i>, the servant that 'speaks at the time,' be chary of
+him, or let me say <em>her</em>, (the best servants are women.)
+Oh! as you value her, let her not suppose you cannot
+part with her. Treat her with confidence, but with strict
+impartiality; reprove when necessary, mildly, but decidedly;
+lest she should presume (power is so tempting),
+and compel you, if you would retain your freedom, to let
+her go.</p>
+
+<p>"There is one thing a man servant values beyond all
+that your kindness and your consideration can do for
+him&mdash;his liberty; liberty to eat, drink, and be merry,
+with your things in the company of his own friends;
+liberty to get the housemaid to clean his candlesticks,
+and bring up his coals; and the housemaid wishes for
+liberty to lie in bed in the morning, because she was up
+so late talking to John in the pantry; liberty to wear
+flounces and flowers. The cook desires liberty too. For
+this liberty, if you grant it, they will despise you; if
+you deny it, they will respect you. Aim at their esteem;
+despair of their love or gratitude; make your place what
+the best class of servants will value, and, though in their
+heart, they may not thank you for it, you will gain, perhaps,
+one servant out of twenty who will keep gross imposition
+and gross immorality at bay.</p>
+
+<p>"These remarks can never be intended to deny the
+warm attachment of female servants to the children of
+their employers. Deep love, no doubt, is lavished by<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_235" id="Pg_235">[235]</a></span>
+many a woman on the babe she has nursed. There is a
+great deal to be said on the chapter of nurses which
+would require to be dealt with by itself. Much wisdom
+is required in the administration of a nursery, to which
+few general rules would apply. Cruel is the tyranny the
+nurse frequently practises on the parent, who often refrains
+from entering her nursery, not from want of love
+to her children, but positive dread of the sour looks which
+greet her. Let her be firm, let no shrinking from
+grieving her darling, who would 'break his heart if his
+Nanna went,' deter her from discharging the encroaching
+servant.</p>
+
+<p>"I know a lady who was quietly informed by her
+nurse that she must have a 'specified hour' for visiting
+her children, for that her entering without ceremony was
+most inconvenient. The poor young lady, who was fully
+persuaded her delicate infant would die, if removed to a
+stranger's hands, meekly obeyed, and though tortured by
+the cries of the poor sickly baby, never dared to intrude
+lest the nurse should abandon it. This is a true history,
+and the sequel may as well be given: that the nurse remained
+seven years, at the end of which time, having
+become insupportable, though really devoted to the
+children, she gave warning, and, though it cost her
+mistress bitter tears and much resolution, she was suffered
+to depart, and then peace entered that house.</p>
+
+<p>"On the choice of servants much of the comfort of the
+young housekeeper depends. It often happens that her
+choice has been determined by appearance rather than
+the value of character. If such be the case, she will
+have many difficulties to encounter. It is, in the present<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_236" id="Pg_236">[236]</a></span>
+day, hardly safe to take a servant if there be a single
+objection to character, however it may be glossed over
+by the person referred to on this point; for there is now
+an unhealthy disposition to pass over the failings of
+servants who have left their places, and to make them
+perfect in the eyes of others. In respect to sobriety,
+many people will not acknowledge that a servant had had
+the vice of drinking, but will cover the unpleasant truth
+in such gentle and plausible terms that it becomes difficult
+to comprehend how far the hint is grounded, or not.
+Be assured when a lady or gentleman hesitates on this
+point, or on that of honesty, it is wiser not to engage a
+servant. Nor are you deviating from Christian charity
+in not overlooking a dereliction of so material a sort.
+The kindest plan to the vast community of domestic
+servants is to be rigid in all important points, and having,
+after a due experience, a just confidence in them, to be
+somewhat indulgent to errors of a more trivial nature.</p>
+
+<p>"If all young housekeepers were strict upon the subject
+of dress, much misery to servants would be saved, much
+temptation avoided, and self-reproach prevented. Instead
+of this kind, and wise, and matronly particularity, a type
+of the good, old-fashioned common sense of our grandmothers,
+ladies now countenance their ladies'-maids in
+discontinuing caps, or, if they have caps, in wearing
+flowers and lace, flowered gowns, and other items of
+little apparent moment in detail, but of much importance
+to a community as serviceable to the public when well
+managed and respectable, as they are odious and noxious
+when immoral or insolent. After these cruel indulgences,
+ladies marvel when they find servants rise above their<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_237" id="Pg_237">[237]</a></span>
+station and that they will not bear even a mild reproof;
+they wonder that a plain, useful servant is nowhere to be
+met with. There is now no medium between the fine
+lady with mittens and flowers who dresses your hair, and
+the dirty sloven of a lodging-house. All housemaids
+must now be upper housemaids; cooks must be cooks
+and housekeepers. The homely housemaid&mdash;that invaluable
+character in her way&mdash;is indeed difficult to be
+found; and, at a time when cleanliness is at its zenith,
+the rarity is to discover any one who will clean. All,
+except the raw country girl, expect to have deputies;
+and, if we go on to perfection in this unhealthy system,
+we shall soon have no working servants above twenty
+years of age. The consequence is, that a greater number
+of servants are kept in every household than formerly
+in similar families; many of these menials are
+corrupted by congregating together and by idleness.
+The loud and crying complaints of the worthlessness of
+this class are but too justly founded. That they are
+more mercenary than ever, is owing to the pernicious
+system which lifts them up above their condition, but
+fails to elevate them in the moral standard. In the
+scale of virtue they sink every day lower and lower; in
+the outward attributes they are, as they consider it, raised
+in character and improved in appearance.</p>
+
+<p>"But is it so? The beauty of every thing is fitness.
+Is the half-fine, unlady-like, yet lady-like creature, who
+answers to your dressing-room bell, half so respectable
+as the old-fashioned, plainly dressed, careful, homely
+maiden of your young days? Is it not with a feeling
+of disgust that you turn from the attempted finery, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_238" id="Pg_238">[238]</a></span>
+sigh for plain collars, and caps undecked by flowers,
+again? I think, among the best-bred, the most sensible,
+and, indeed, the most highly born people of a superior
+stamp, this disgust is so strong that, in some families, a
+grave and suitable costume is introduced for the female
+servants, and the effect is satisfactory, both on the appearance
+and on the mode of thinking of these persons.
+But this wise, and therefore kind plan, is far from being
+general; and I have heard that a lady's-maid complained
+to her mistress that she found herself the subject of
+ridicule, owing to her not wearing silks, and indeed
+satins, as the other ladies'-maids did.</p>
+
+<p>"It becomes the duty of ladies of influence to rise
+above the silly vanity which, I fear, affects some of them,
+of seeing their ladies'-maids as smart as ladies, and to
+oppose innovations on the decencies of society, so pernicious
+to the class upon whom much of our comfort depends.
+In setting out in life, a young married lady
+ought to be more than ordinarily strict in these matters,
+for her inexperience will certainly be taken advantage
+of to some extent. If she be rich enough to have a
+housekeeper, let her endeavor to select one of strict religious
+faith, plain in attire, grave, but kind, and of good
+sense, and even intelligence; for cultivation of mind will
+never, whatever may be stated, detract from the utility
+of a servant. It is absurd to attribute to the diffusion
+of knowledge the deterioration of servants; it is rather
+owing to the scanty amount of knowledge among them.
+Most superficial is the education about which so much
+is said and written; were servants more thoroughly
+grounded in many branches of knowledge, they would be<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_239" id="Pg_239">[239]</a></span>
+wiser, less rapacious, more systematic, and better contented
+than they are. They are wretched reasoners,
+generally losing sight of their own true interest, and
+grasping at that which is unreal and visionary. If they
+were better educated, this would not be the case; they
+would be less vain, less credulous; they would know
+what qualities to respect; they would weigh better the
+advantage of their lot; and they would work better as
+servants. They would give mind, where now they only
+give hands; and their acquirements, taken from school as
+they are in very early youth, are not ever likely to be
+such as to make the routine of their work distasteful to
+them, from over refinement or cultivation.</p>
+
+<p>"It is always desirable to have, if possible, servants of
+one faith. But if it so happens that you have a Roman
+Catholic servant and a Protestant in your service, you
+are bound to allow each the free exercise of her religion,
+and you ought not to respect them if, out of interest,
+they will conform to yours. An exercise of authority
+on this point amounts, in my opinion, to an act of tyranny,
+and it can only tend to promote insincerity, and,
+perhaps, engender scepticism in its object. Nothing is,
+indeed, so dangerous as to unsettle the faith of the lower
+classes, who have neither time nor opportunity of fairly
+considering subjects of religious controversy.</p>
+
+<p>"While on the subject of servants, I must deprecate the
+over-indulgence of the present system towards them.
+Formerly they were treated with real kindness, but it
+was the kindness that exacted duty in return, and took a
+real interest in the welfare of each servant. The reciprocal
+tie in former times between servant and master was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_240" id="Pg_240">[240]</a></span>
+strong, now it is wholly gone. The easy rule of masters
+and mistresses proceeds far more from indifference than
+from kindness of heart; for the real charity is to keep
+servants steadily to their duties. They are a class of
+persons to whom much leisure is destruction; the pursuits
+of their idle hours are seldom advantageous to
+them, and theirs are not minds which can thrive in repose.
+Idleness, to them, is peculiarly the root of all
+evil, for, if their time is not spent in vicious amusements,
+it is often passed in slander, discontent, or vanity. In
+writing thus, I do not recommend a hard or inconsiderate
+system to servants. They require, and in many instances
+they merit, all that can be done to alleviate a situation
+of servitude. They ought not to be the slaves of
+caprice or the victims of temper. Their work should be
+measured out with a just hand; but it should be regularly
+exacted in as much perfection as can be expected in variable
+and erring human nature.</p>
+
+<p>"Another point on which I would recommend firmness
+is that of early hours. In this respect example is as important
+as precept; but, however uncertain you may be
+yourself, I would not relax a rule of that kind. For
+every comfort during the day depends upon the early
+rising of your servants. Without this, all their several
+departments are hurried through or neglected in some
+important respect.</p>
+
+<p>"Your mode of address to servants must be decisive,
+yet mild. The authoritative tone I do not recommend.
+It is very unbecoming to any young person, and it rarely
+attains the end desired; but there is a quiet dignity of
+deportment which few servants ever can resist. This<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_241" id="Pg_241">[241]</a></span>
+should be tempered with kindness, when circumstances
+call it forth, but should never descend to familiarity.
+For no caution is more truly kind than which confines
+servants strictly to their own sphere.</p>
+
+<p>"Much evil results from the tendency, more especially
+of very young, or of very old mistresses of families, to
+partiality. Commonly, one servant becomes the almost
+avowed favorite; and it is difficult to say whether that
+display of partiality is the more pernicious to the servant
+who is the object of it, or to the rankling and jealous
+minds of the rest of the household. It is true that it is
+quite impossible to avoid entertaining a greater degree
+of confidence in some servants than in others; but it
+should be shown with a due regard to the feelings of all.
+It is, of course, allowable towards those who take a decidedly
+responsible and confidential situation in a household.
+Still, never let such persons assume the reins of
+government; let them act the part of helmsman to the
+vessel, but not aspire to the control of the captain.</p>
+
+<p>"It is generally wise and right, after a due experience
+of the principles and intentions of servants, to place
+confidence in their honesty, and to let them have the
+comfort of knowing that you do so. At the same time,
+never cease to exercise a system of supervision. The
+great principle of housekeeping is regularity; and without
+this (one of the most difficult of the minor virtues to
+practice) all efforts to promote order must be ineffectual.
+I have seen energetic women, clever and well-intentioned,
+fail in attaining a good method, owing to their being uncertain
+in hours, governed by impulse, and capricious.
+I have seen women, inferior in capacity, slow, and apathetic,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_242" id="Pg_242">[242]</a></span>make excellent heads of families, as far as their
+household was concerned, from their steadiness and
+regularity. Their very power of enduring monotony
+has been favorable to their success in this way, especially
+if they are not called upon to act in peculiar and difficult
+cases, in which their actual inferiority is traceable.
+But these are not the ordinary circumstances of life.</p>
+
+<p>"In closing these remarks on the management of servants,
+let me exhort you never to forget that they are
+fellow-laborers, in the life of probation, with ourselves;
+let us not embitter their lives by harshness, or proffer to
+them temptation from carelessness and over-indulgence.
+Since all that is given us of this world's goods is but in
+trust, let us regard our servants as beings for whose conduct,
+while under our control, we are more or less responsible.
+It is true that, if they come to us with
+morals wholly depraved, it is not likely that the most
+strenuous exertions can amend them; but many waver
+between good and evil. Let us endeavor to excite in
+their minds a respect for virtue, to give them motives for
+industry, inducements to save their wages. Those who
+have large households should not deem the morals of the
+meanest of their servants beneath their investigation, or
+too obscure for their influence to reach."</p>
+
+<p>Some attention is absolutely necessary, in this country,
+to the training of servants, as they come here from the
+lowest ranks of English and Irish peasantry, with as
+much idea of politeness as the pig domesticated in the
+cabin of the latter.</p>
+
+<p>Opening the door seems a simple act, yet few servants
+perform it in a proper, respectful manner. Let your<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_243" id="Pg_243">[243]</a></span>
+servant understand that the door must be opened immediately
+after the bell rings. Visitors, from neglect of
+this rule, will often ring several times, and finally leave
+the door. I have known an instance when in a case of
+severe illness the patient lost the visit of the doctor,
+who, after ringing some minutes, was obliged to pay
+other visits, and could not return to the sufferer's house
+until several hours later.</p>
+
+<p>When opening the door some servants hold it ajar and
+hold a long parley with the person on the steps, as if
+afraid they wished to enter for the purpose of murder or
+theft.</p>
+
+<p>Train them to answer the door promptly, speak politely
+to any one who may be there, excuse you, if necessary,
+to visitors in courteous terms, or, if you are in,
+show the callers into the parlor, take their card, and come
+back quickly with your answer.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_244" id="Pg_244">[244]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_XXIII" id="CHPTR_XXIII"></a>CHAPTER XXIII.<br />
+<span class="subttl">ON A YOUNG LADY'S CONDUCT WHEN CONTEMPLATING
+MARRIAGE.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>The following chapter, met with in a recent perusal
+of an English work for young ladies, strikes me as so
+admirable, and so appropriate in this place, that I quote
+the chapter entire:</p>
+
+<p>"The difficulties and trials of life have only just begun
+when a young lady fancies herself to be of sufficient importance
+to become the theme of animadversion. She
+knows little of the true importance of self-control, until
+she experiences the first indications of preference shown
+her by the other sex.</p>
+
+<p>"Such indications are often manifested, whilst she to
+whom they are directed, is wholly unprepared to analyze
+her own feelings, before her opinions upon what she has
+seen are by any means developed; before she has even
+considered adequately, on what her happiness depends;
+before she has discernment to reject what is frivolous, or
+wisdom to prefer what is good. This is more especially
+the case in the highest and lowest classes, in which,
+by a strange analogy, they either rush into the marriage
+state whilst children, or wait until the bloom and hopes<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_245" id="Pg_245">[245]</a></span>
+of youth have forever passed away, in order to form interested
+matches. The matured period of five-and-twenty
+to thirty, is passed by the lower classes in the
+single state in labor to gain subsistence; after thirty, or
+even forty, we often find them marrying. But the
+majority have sealed their own fate before the age of
+twenty.</p>
+
+<p>"In high life, the same haste to dispose of daughters
+prevails as among the lowest classes. At seventeen,
+most of our belles of fashion expect to receive proposals.
+If they do not marry within a few years after their
+introduction, they have a mortified sense of having lost
+time&mdash;that the expectations of friends and of parents
+have not been fulfilled; that others have 'gone off'
+before them. The next ten years are often a period of
+subdued vexation, and the sweetness and contentment of
+the original character is impaired. About seven or eight
+and twenty, the views of life are sobered&mdash;the expectations
+chastened&mdash;a renovation takes place&mdash;women again
+become agreeable; their minds must in the lapse of time,
+even with a miserable store of observation, have improved.
+They then often marry&mdash;and, if the union be not a mere
+effort of despair, if it be based on sound and holy principles,
+and on good sense, there is, for both parties engaged,
+a great likelihood of happiness.</p>
+
+<p>"But, it may be naturally contended, that there come
+not to <em>all</em> young ladies the opportunities of which I write;
+that indications of preference arrive not to all. I am
+inclined to believe that, with good temper, pleasing manners,
+and respectable connections, there exists, in modern
+society, very few young ladies who have not received<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_246" id="Pg_246">[246]</a></span>
+under various circumstances, some marks of preference,
+more or less decided. Beauty and plainness are arbitrary,
+not positive, terms. Unless there be any actual
+deformity, any great infirmity, in which case I think it
+were cruel to pre-suppose the likelihood of such indications,
+there is no one, that I hardly ever met with, who
+has not had, on some grounds, her partizans and admirers.
+The plain are often particularized as elegant;
+tastes vary: even a sour look I have heard admired as
+sensible, cold manners eulogized as correct. Opinion,
+however it may generally verge to the correct, springs
+from so many sources, it is so governed by association
+of ideas, such trifles may guide it, that I am never surprised
+at the latitude given to personal encomium nor at
+the endless variety and incongruity of human judgment.
+It is well that all have a chance of being approved, admired,
+beloved, and it remains for them to avail themselves
+of those possibilities which contribute so much to
+happiness. For we are sympathizing beings, and a law of
+our nature makes us look for a return of sympathy. We
+are sent here to form ties, and to love, and to be loved,
+whether the term applies to parental, or filial, or fraternal
+love&mdash;or whether it respects the less sure and more
+fitful experiences of love, in its ordinary sense.</p>
+
+<p>"I do not blame the parents who instil into their
+children of both sexes a desire to be married. I think
+those who teach the young a different lesson deceive
+them. Marriage, with all its chances, its infelicities, its
+sacrifices, is seldom so infelicitous, so uncertain, so full
+of sacrifice, as the single state. Life must have some
+objects, and those objects must be progressive. The<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_247" id="Pg_247">[247]</a></span>
+mind is happier and healthier with such interests, even
+if sorrow comes along with them, than in its solitude, its
+desolate freedom from care, when having, as the phrase
+is, no troubles of the conjugal sort to disturb its tranquillity.
+I therefore do not censure those who desire to
+see their daughters happily and suitably established in
+life. It is the indiscreet and vulgar haste, the indelicacy,
+the low mercenary views, and the equally low ambition
+to compass a splendid match, which is blameable and revolting
+in the parental conduct.</p>
+
+<p>"Many are, however, blessed with guides and guardians
+of very different characters; with parents, whose
+lofty natures not only reject such unworthy notions, but
+somewhat incline to the extreme of repelling all advances
+for their daughters. In either case, the conduct of a
+young lady may be the same. It is she who must form
+her own destiny in points on which none can effectually
+aid her. It is she who is to be the happy wife, or the
+wretched victim; and it is to her that these observations
+of admonition and of warning are addressed. Let us
+suppose her young, of course, attractive in appearance, of
+good birth, and some fortune. I here except heiresses, who,
+being anomalies, deserve a particular paragraph for themselves.
+But let us suppose that no obstacle of family or
+connection interferes to check the approach of a suitor.</p>
+
+<p>"The eyes of her family and of her young friends are
+upon her, when a young lady receives the first indications
+of preference. She is generally ashamed of it. This is
+the first sentiment of a modest and ingenuous mind, and
+it is one indication, in my opinion, of the impropriety of
+early marriages. Nature seems still to wish to keep the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_248" id="Pg_248">[248]</a></span>
+young and blushing girl apart from that connection which
+entails grave and arduous duties. But Nature's voice is
+far less often heard than that of her adversary, expediency.
+I must, therefore, shape my injunctions to that
+which exists, not to that which we would wish to exist.</p>
+
+<p>"Almost sinking under this painful sense of shame,
+this novel disturbance of her usual set of feelings, a
+young girl catches at the first reed to save herself from
+observation and detection. I mean detection of her perception
+of that which others may or may not see. She
+seizes upon ridicule. She pretends to laugh at one,
+whom sometimes her youthful romantic fancy dwells upon
+in a very different sense. She laughs at the foibles, supposed
+or real, of her admirer: she plays a dangerous
+game. If any of those to whom she imparts her witticisms
+are malevolently disposed or thoughtless, she runs
+a risk either of wounding the feelings of a man whom
+she does not like, or of losing the regard of one whom
+she might in time not only esteem, but love.</p>
+
+<p>"Another effect of such attentions as awaken a consciousness
+in a young lady's mind, is the gratification of
+vanity, perhaps until then latent in her heart. The first
+preference is apt to upset the reason of its object as of
+him who shows it. The word vanity does not seem to
+imply danger. Vanity is generally considered an innocent
+failing; but it is innocent only as some kinds of
+food are to a healthy subject. On a weak, or even on
+an inexperienced mind, it acts, sometimes, fatally for the
+vain. A girl is either carried away by admiration so as
+to be flippant and foolish, or she is blinded by her vanity
+to the failings of the man who first admires her. She is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_249" id="Pg_249">[249]</a></span>
+intoxicated with the notion of an offer of marriage; she
+imagines, in her simplicity, effervesced as it is by the infusion
+of flattered vanity, that she has inspired such an
+attachment as will never be recovered, should she prove
+adverse to it. Many an engagement has been formed
+under this conviction, and fulfilled only to prove its fallacy,
+for the love which was supposed too strong to survive
+disappointment, has expired in the fruition of its
+hopes.</p>
+
+<p>"To guard against either of these risks to happiness,
+a well-educated girl should endeavor, in this, to exercise
+her judgment. She should be sincere. She is blameable
+to ridicule the attentions which are meant as complimentary
+to her. They ought to be at least regarded
+with respect.</p>
+
+<p>"Should they not be acceptable, she is inexcusable to
+requite them with levity and disdain. Let her reflect
+how she would like such conduct herself. Besides, she
+is often making a bitter enemy; perhaps she is exciting
+fierce and unamiable sentiments in one who otherwise
+might have been regarded as a mild and worthy individual.
+Let her be undeceived if she supposes that in
+thus doing she is carrying herself with dignity, or acquiring
+any added admiration from others. She ceases,
+in thus acting, to support the characteristics of a gentlewoman,
+which are mildness, courtesy, and reserve. If
+she cherishes, in spite of her pretended disgust, a secret
+partiality for the individual who distinguishes her, if she
+is lowering the esteem of a man whom she prefers, she
+not only incurs the hazard of losing his regard, but she
+is scattering ridicule on one whom she afterwards avows<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_250" id="Pg_250">[250]</a></span>
+as her choice. In that case, she is lowering herself, or
+she is sowing the seeds of distrust in the minds of those
+who know her&mdash;she is, perhaps, frustrating and delaying
+her own happiness. Let her act with candor, with consideration,
+with good sense, and all this web which her
+folly would weave around her will not embarrass her.
+Let her not madly and obstinately resist the advice of
+those on whose affection to her, and on whose good judgment,
+experience has taught her to rely. Let her be a
+child in nothing except humility; let her listen to counsels;
+yet her own heart must decide for her&mdash;none can
+know so well as herself its secret throbs, or the impression
+of dislike or of regard which has been made upon it.</p>
+
+<p>"I am, I confess, an enemy to trying to like a person,
+as I have rarely seen such a mental process end in happiness
+to either party. If an advantageous proposal
+offer itself, it is wiser decidedly to refuse it, than to trust
+to the slow growth of affection, upon a foundation of
+original dislike. And the trials of married life are such,&mdash;its
+temptations to irritability and contention are so
+manifold, its anxieties so unforseen and so complicated,
+that few can steer their difficult course safely and happily,
+unless there be a deep and true attachment, to
+contend with all the storms which may arise in the navigation.</p>
+
+<p>"Deeply impressed with this conviction, should it be
+the lot of any young lady in whom I were interested to
+form a real, well-grounded attachment to a man whose
+circumstances were indifferent, I should counsel her, provided
+she can depend on the character and exertions of
+the object so beloved, to risk the event of an engagement<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_251" id="Pg_251">[251]</a></span>&mdash;to
+trust to time and Providence, and to marry
+whenever means were afforded,&mdash;convinced as I am, that
+patience, and trust, and true affection, raise the character,
+and are acceptable in the eyes of our Heavenly Father.
+But in such a case, she must school her mind to
+meet the anxieties which attend limited means. She
+must prepare herself, by habits of diligence and economy,
+to become a poor man's wife. She must learn the difficult
+art of doing well upon a little. She must not, be
+she in any rank of life, think to indulge with impunity
+to herself in every refinement and luxury when she is
+single; and, upon her marriage, imagine that she can
+attain the practice of economy by wishing it. Such
+metamorphoses are out of reason&mdash;out of nature. She
+must endeavor before the bond which ties her to poverty
+is framed, to understand the duties of housekeeping, the
+mysteries of needle-work. She must lay down to herself
+rules of expenditure suitable, in part, to her future
+condition in life. Many a wife, thus commencing, has
+laid the foundations of future fortune, at least independence,
+to her husband, by keeping his mind at peace,
+during his progress up the steep ascent to professional,
+or clerical, or literary fame. Many a home has been
+cheered by domestic forbearance, and placid submission
+to circumstances, even in the higher classes, during the
+life-time of a father, or in the course of those long expectancies,
+in which the fortitude and principle of many
+of the aristocracy are tried and proved. But the self-denial,
+the cheerfulness, the good management, the strict
+principle, are formed at an earlier period than that in
+which a young lady gives her hand to him whom she<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_252" id="Pg_252">[252]</a></span>
+has chosen, in spite of the frown of fortune, as her husband.</p>
+
+<p>"Of this let the young be assured; there are few situations
+in life, in which a man, young, and in health,
+cannot meliorate his circumstances, if he possess energy
+and if he be stimulated by a true affection. The clergyman,
+with humble stipend, often hopeless from want
+of interest, has leisure&mdash;he has had education. He
+may, if he desires to assist himself, have recourse to
+literary labor, or to tuition. If he make not such exertion,
+during the course of an engagement, what hope
+can there be of him in future life?</p>
+
+<p>"The young lawyer, however tedious his advancement,
+however few his opportunities, may also distinguish himself
+in a literary career. Innumerable are the subjects
+open to one of such a profession. How few avail themselves
+of the chance! Upon this rely, the man truly in
+love will make the effort. To the military man, though
+perhaps he may be less qualified, the same course is open,
+in a degree. Some of our best travels, some of our
+most amusing literary productions, have been the compositions
+of military men. And the advantage of this
+mode of aiding a small fortune is, that a man not only
+does not lower, but he raises his position by it, if his
+works are moral, written in a gentlemanly spirit, and affording
+information. However deep the attachment,
+however agreeable the object, if a man be indisposed to
+help himself to independence and competence, I should
+counsel no woman to continue an engagement formed in
+the expectation of 'times mending.' When I advocate<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_253" id="Pg_253">[253]</a></span>
+the indulgence of attachment, it is to worthy, not to unworthy,
+objects.</p>
+
+<p>"I now come to speak of moral character. Hard is
+the contest between affection and expediency, when it is
+raised by the question of circumstances. But harder
+still is it, when its result is to be decided upon an inquiry
+into moral conduct. I know not a more cruel situation
+than that when the heart is bestowed on one whom the
+judgment could not approve. I know not one which
+should be more strictly guarded against, not only by parents
+and friends, but (for I would impress on every
+young lady how much she may prove the best guardian
+of her own happiness) by the female heart itself.</p>
+
+<p>"With every vigilance, with little to blame, little to
+repent, such cases will occur in this world. The feelings
+are interested, but the judgment distrusts. Happy is it
+for those who know the combat between affection and
+principle only in single life, and have not the misery of
+encountering so severe a destiny when it can no longer
+be remedied&mdash;who know not how to fulfill the vow to
+honor what is proved to be unworthy&mdash;and yet still must
+love,&mdash;for the affections once given, are little in our own
+power.</p>
+
+<p>"In such a case occurring to the young, in, perhaps,
+a first attachment, I think they must be guided by
+friends. I am <em>not</em> an advocate for the interference of
+friends: where it is much a question of a long and contingent
+engagement&mdash;a question of being married at
+once, or of waiting, in some uncertainty&mdash;a question of
+ease or discomfort, of limited means or luxury&mdash;in such
+instances, if the moral character be unexceptionable, it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_254" id="Pg_254">[254]</a></span>
+is the duty of parents to point out all the risk, all the
+disadvantages, but to leave the heart to form its own decisions.
+Let them not seek to wrench the affections
+from the channel in which they flowed, when fresh from
+their source. They cannot know how deep the channel
+is&mdash;they cannot know if ever those pure and beautiful
+waters will flow in peace again when once hastily turned
+aside. But in cases of moral character, of right or
+wrong, the affair is wholly different, and the strictest
+parental authority ought, upon due inquiry, to be exercised.</p>
+
+<p>"Submission and self-control are then the duty of the
+young sufferer&mdash;for a sufferer she truly <em>is</em>;&mdash;no page of
+her after-history could unfold a bitterer pang. But
+peace and hope come at last&mdash;the struggle, though violent,
+leaves behind it none of that corroding sorrow,
+which would have accompanied the acquiescence of parents
+in a union unblessed by a Providence, whose will
+is that all should be pure, even as He above is pure.
+Had your fond wishes been granted, young and trusting
+being, how fearful would have been your condition!
+For there is no suspicion so revolting to an innocent
+mind as that which unseats love from his throne in our
+affections, and places another in his stead. Be assured
+of this&mdash;little can you know of the moral conduct of the
+other sex; little is it desirable that you should know.
+But whenever improprieties are so flagrant as to be matters
+of conversation; when the good shun, and the pitying
+forbear to excuse; be assured some deeper cause
+than you can divine exists for the opprobrium. Think
+not that your empire over affections thus wasted can be<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_255" id="Pg_255">[255]</a></span>
+a real one. It is transient, it will not last&mdash;it will not
+bring reformation&mdash;it will never be adequately requited.
+Throw yourself on the judgment of those whose interest
+in you has been life-long, or of such as you know truly
+regard your happiness; conquer the unhallowed preference;
+pray for support and guidance; trust in Him who
+'catereth for the sparrow.'</p>
+
+<p>"But, when the commencement of life is chilled by so
+cruel a sorrow&mdash;when the blight has fallen on the bud&mdash;we
+must not only look up to heavenly aid, we must take
+every means of care for an unfortunate, and, when once
+the judgment is convinced of the unworthiness of the
+object, a blameable attachment. How often, in the
+Psalms, in the Gospels, the word 'Help' is reiterated!
+We are to help ourselves&mdash;we must work for our heavenly
+peace on earth&mdash;the mental discipline, to prosper, must
+be aided by divine grace, but its springs must be from
+our own hearts. And, to fulfill the will of God in this,
+as in the other events of life, let us take such means as
+may aid us in the work of self-government.</p>
+
+<p>"In the first place, let employment be resorted to by
+the sorrowing, do not indulge in tears; do not sit alone:
+abstain, for a time, from music; abstain from the perusal
+of poetry, or works of imagination. They still more
+soften the feelings and open up the sources of grief.
+Read works of <em>fact</em>&mdash;endeavor to occupy yourself with
+the passing events of the world. And, when the overburdened
+heart cannot be comforted, or its thoughts diverted&mdash;for
+there will be moments too mournful to be resisted&mdash;go
+forth into the fields, go to the houses of the
+poor&mdash;see the goodness and mercy of God&mdash;see too, the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_256" id="Pg_256">[256]</a></span>
+patience and long-suffering of the poor, who may often
+set the rich an example of fortitude. Occupy yourself,
+if you can, with children; their freshness, their joyful
+unconsciousness, the elasticity of their spirits, will sustain
+and draw you from yourself, or have recourse to the
+soothing calmness of the aged. Hear them converse
+upon the affairs of life; how they appreciate the importance
+of each passing event, as a traveler does the ruts
+and inequalities of the road he has traversed. How
+their confidence in the effect of time sustains you! and
+you turn from them, reflecting on all that the happiest
+of them must necessarily have endured. Be assured of
+your own recovery, under an influence so certain.</p>
+
+<p>"Avoid young persons of your own age. If possible,
+except to a sister, whose deep interest in you will probably
+teach her a superior lesson, never confide in young
+friends, a similar trial as that to which I have referred.
+In general, your resolution will be weakened, your feelings
+re-excited, your confidence in your best advisers
+will be shaken. For the young usually take the part
+of the rejected lover&mdash;they delight in that dangerous
+species of sympathy which flatters with hope. They
+are naturally incredulous as to the delinquencies of a
+man who is agreeable, and in love; they incline to the
+notion of the hard-heartedness of fathers, uncles, and
+elder brothers; and even, if they happen to possess good
+sense, or to exercise the rare quality of prudence in such
+matters, the very communication of any sorrow, or the
+recital of any feelings, gives not only a merely temporary
+relief, but deadens that sorrow and strengthens
+those feelings, which grow every time they are imparted.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_257" id="Pg_257">[257]</a></span>
+If you wish to recover&mdash;and, if you have a sound and
+well-disposed mind, you <em>will</em> wish to recover&mdash;you must,
+after the first burst of grief is over, speak but rarely of
+a theme too painful and delicate to bear the contact of
+rude minds&mdash;too dangerous to dwell upon with those of
+a kindlier and loftier nature.</p>
+
+<p>"To your female relations&mdash;to your mother, more especially,
+too great an openness cannot be practiced on
+these points, but openness does not imply a perpetual
+recurrence to a theme, which must wear out patience and
+exhaust all but maternal sympathy, in time. For maternal
+sympathy is exhaustless; be generous, and restrain,
+from that very reflection, the continual demand upon its
+flow. The first person to consult, the last to afflict&mdash;a
+mother&mdash;should not be the victim of her daughter's feelings.
+Her judgment should not be weakened by the incessant
+indulgence of a daughter's sorrows.</p>
+
+<p>"I would, on many grounds, caution the young
+against hasty engagements. It seems extraordinary
+that the welfare of a life should often be determined
+upon the acquaintance of a few weeks. The principles,
+it is true, may be ascertained from the knowledge of
+others, the manners may please, the means and expectations
+may all be clearly understood. But the temper&mdash;that
+word of unspeakable import&mdash;the daily habits, the
+power of constancy&mdash;these are not to be known without
+a long and severe examination of the motives, and a
+daily observation of the conduct, of others. Very little
+suffices to mar the happiness of married life, if that little
+proceed in the character of a man, from a rooted selfishness.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_258" id="Pg_258">[258]</a></span></p><p>"It is true, in regard to this defect, that much may
+be done by a wife to meliorate a vice of character which
+is, in some, only the result of never having had their
+feelings developed. But if there exist not this excuse&mdash;if,
+in spite of ties, which are dearer to an affectionate
+mind than existence; you find a man preferring his own
+comfort to that of those whom he professes to love&mdash;if
+you find him imperious to his servants, dictatorial to sisters,
+on cool terms with brothers, there is little hope that
+the mental disease will ever be rooted out, so as to leave
+a healthy character of mind. Examine well into this
+point; for a hasty temper may be remedied, and even
+endured&mdash;but the deep, slow, sullen course of a selfish
+nature wears away hope, imparts a cankering care, and,
+with it, often disgust. No defect is so little to be resisted
+as selfishness. It creeps into every detail; it infects
+the minutest affairs of life as well as the greatest
+concerns. It depresses the humble sufferer from its
+baneful effects; it irritates the passions of the unamiable.
+Study well the character in trifles; nor venture to risk
+your bark on the sea of matrimony, unless you know
+well how far this man, whom you might prefer, is free
+from this deadly infection. View him, if possible, in his
+home, before you pledge your faith with his&mdash;or, if that
+be not practicable, reflect upon the general course of his
+actions, of his sentiments, and endeavor dispassionately
+to judge them, as best you may."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_259" id="Pg_259">[259]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_XXIV" id="CHPTR_XXIV"></a>CHAPTER XXIV.<br />
+<span class="subttl">BRIDAL ETIQUETTE.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>In preparing a bridal outfit, it is best to furnish the
+wardrobe for at least two years, in under-clothes, and
+one year in dresses, though the bonnet and cloak, suitable
+for the coming season, are all that are necessary, as
+the fashions in these articles change so rapidly. If you
+are going to travel, have a neat dress and cloak of some
+plain color, and a close bonnet and veil. Avoid, as intensely
+vulgar, any display of your position as a <em>bride</em>,
+whilst traveling.</p>
+
+<p>Take, first, the weddings at church. In this case none
+are invited to the ceremony excepting the family, and
+the reception is at the house of the bride's mother, or
+nearest relative, either on the wedding-day or upon her
+return from the bridal tour.</p>
+
+<p>In sending out the invitations, let the card of the
+bridegroom and that of the bride be tied together with a
+white ribbon, and folded in the note paper upon which
+is printed the name of the bride's mother, with the date
+of the reception-day, thus:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blocks">
+<p><span class="smcap p-l2">Mrs. John Saunders.</span><br />
+<span class="p-l4">At home, Thursday, Oct. 16th,</span><br />
+<span class="p-l6">from 11 till 2.</span></p>
+<p>No. 218, &mdash;&mdash; st.</p>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_260" id="Pg_260">[260]</a></span></p><p>of course the hours and dates vary, but the form is the
+same.</p>
+
+<p>If there is no bridal reception upon the wedding day,
+the cards are worded:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blocks">
+<p><span class="smcap p-l2">Mr. and Mrs. James Smith.</span><br />
+<span class="p-l4">At home, Wednesdays,</span><br />
+<span class="p-l6">On, and after, June 6th.</span></p>
+
+<p>No. 17, &mdash;&mdash; st.</p>
+</div>
+
+<p>Tie the card with the bride's maiden name upon it to this
+one.</p>
+
+<p>Enclose the invitation in a white envelope, and tie it
+with white satin ribbon. If you send cake, have it put
+in a white box, and place the note outside the cover,
+tying it fast with white satin ribbon.</p>
+
+<p>The bride's dress must be of white entirely. If she
+is married in the morning, a plain white silk, white
+mantle, and white bonnet, full trimmed with orange
+flowers, with a plain veil, is the most suitable dress, and
+she may wear a richer one at her reception, when she returns
+from her bridal tour.</p>
+
+<p>As soon as the carriages come, let the bridesmaids,
+and relatives set off first.&mdash;Last, the bride with her parents.
+The bride, her parents, and the bridesmaids go
+immediately to the vestry, where they meet the bridegroom,
+and the groomsmen. The father of the bride
+gives her his arm and escorts her to the altar, the bridegroom
+walking on the other side. Then follow the
+bridesmaids and groomsmen in couples.</p>
+
+<p>When they reach the altar the bridegroom removes<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_261" id="Pg_261">[261]</a></span>
+his right hand glove, but the bride keeps hers on until
+the clergyman takes the ring. The first bridesmaid then
+removes the left hand glove, and it is not resumed. The
+bridesmaids should wear white dresses, white mantles, and
+bonnets, but not veils or orange flowers.</p>
+
+<p>The bride and groom leave the church first, after the
+ceremony is over, and take the carriage with the parents
+of the bride, and the others follow in the order in which
+they came.</p>
+
+<p>If there is a breakfast or morning reception, the bride
+will not change her dress until she retires to put on her
+traveling attire. If the wedding takes place in the
+evening at church, to be followed by a full dress reception
+at home, the bride should wear a white lace dress
+over satin, or any other material to suit her own taste, a
+veil, falling from her head to her feet, fastened to the
+hair by a coiffure of orange flowers; white kid gloves,
+and white satin slippers. A bouquet, if carried, should
+contain only white flowers.</p>
+
+<p>The bridesmaids may wear white, or some thin, light-colored
+material over white, a head-dress of flowers, and
+carry bouquets of mixed flowers.</p>
+
+<p>When the wedding takes place at home, let the company
+assemble in the front drawing-room, and close the
+doors between that and the back room. In the back
+room, let the bride, bridegroom, bridesmaids, and groomsmen,
+the parents of the bride, and the clergyman, assemble.
+The clergyman should stand in the centre of
+the room, the bride and groom before him, the bridesmaids
+ranged beside the bride, the groomsmen beside the
+bridegroom. Then open the doors and let the ceremony<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_262" id="Pg_262">[262]</a></span>
+begin. This arrangement saves that awkwardness attendant
+upon entering the room and taking the position
+before a large company.</p>
+
+<p>After the ceremony is over, the parents of the bride
+speak to her first; then her near relatives, and not until
+then the other members of the company.</p>
+
+<p>It is not usual now to have dancing, or even music, at
+a wedding, and the hour is named upon the cards, at
+which the guests are expected to retire.</p>
+
+<p>A very pretty effect is produced in the wedding group,
+if the bride wears pure white, and the bridesmaids white,
+with flowers and trimmings of a different color. Thus,
+one in white, with a head-dress and trimming of green
+leaves; another, white, with blue ribbons and forget-me-nots;
+another, white, with pink roses and ribbons.</p>
+
+<p>If the wedding is in the morning, the bride and
+family may wear full dress; in that case the shutters
+should be closed and the rooms lighted as in the evenings.</p>
+
+<p>Let the supper be laid early, and ready when the
+ceremony is over, that the guests may pass into the
+dining-room, if they wish, as soon as they have spoken
+to the bride. If a morning wedding, let the table be set
+as for an evening wedding.</p>
+
+<p>If the bride gives a reception at her own house, after
+her return from her bridal tour, she should not wear her
+wedding-dress. If in the evening, a supper should be
+set. If a morning reception, let her wear a handsome
+light silk, collar and sleeves of lace. Wine and cake are
+sufficient to hand to each guest at a morning reception.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_263" id="Pg_263">[263]</a></span>
+At an evening reception let the bride wear full dress,
+but not her wedding-dress.</p>
+
+<p>At parties given to a newly married couple, the bridesmaids
+and groomsmen are always invited, and the whole
+party are expected to wear the same dresses as at the
+wedding.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_264" id="Pg_264">[264]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_XXV" id="CHPTR_XXV"></a>CHAPTER XXV.<br />
+<span class="subttl">HINTS ON HEALTH.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>The universal remark of travelers visiting America,
+as well as the universal complaint of Americans themselves,
+relates to the ill health of the fairer portion of
+the community. Look where you will, go to any city in
+the vast Union, the remark and complaint will be made
+everywhere. With every natural advantage of climate,
+yet from North to South, East to West the cry resounds.</p>
+
+<p>Foreigners, admiring the dark-eyed girls of the southern
+states or the blondes of the northern ones, will remark,
+with comments upon beauty:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"But she looks delicate, poor thing!&mdash;Not strong?
+Ah! I thought not, none of the American women are,
+and how soon these young beauties fade!"</p>
+
+<p>It seems to me, amongst the subjects treated of in my
+present work, that a few words on health will not come
+amiss.</p>
+
+<p>"Light and sunshine are needful for your health.
+Get all you can; keep your windows clean. Do not
+block them up with curtains, plants, or bunches of
+flowers;&mdash;these last poison the air, in small rooms.</p>
+
+<p>"Fresh air is needful for your health. As often as<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_265" id="Pg_265">[265]</a></span>
+you can, open all your windows, if only for a short time
+in bad weather; in fine weather, keep them open, but
+never sit in draughts. When you get up, open the windows
+wide, and throw down the bed-clothes, that they
+may be exposed to fresh air some hours, daily, before
+they are made up. Keep your bed-clothes clean; hang
+them to the fire when you can. Avoid wearing at night
+what you wear in the day. Hang up your day-clothes
+at night. Except in the severest weather, in small,
+crowded sleeping-rooms, a little opening at the top of
+the window-sash is very important; or you will find one
+window pane of perforated zinc very useful. You will
+not catch cold half so easily by breathing pure air at
+night. Let not the beds be directly under the windows.
+Sleeping in exhausted air creates a desire for stimulants.</p>
+
+<p>"Pure water is needful for your health. Wash your
+bodies as well as your faces, rubbing them all over with
+a coarse cloth. If you cannot wash thus every morning,
+pray do so once a week. Crying and cross children are
+often pacified by a gentle washing of their little hands
+and faces&mdash;it soothes them. Babies' heads should be
+washed carefully, every morning with soap. No scurf
+should be suffered to remain upon them. Get rid of
+all slops and dirty water at once. Disease, and even
+death, is often the consequence of our own negligence.
+Wash your rooms and passages at least once a week, use
+plenty of clean water; but do not let your children stay
+in them while they are wet, it may bring on croup or
+inflammation of the chest. If you read your Bibles,
+which it is earnestly hoped you do, you will find how
+cleanliness, both as to the person and habitation, was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_266" id="Pg_266">[266]</a></span>
+taught to the Jews by God himself; and we read in the
+4th chapter of Nehemiah that when they were building
+their second temple, and defending their lives against
+their foes, having no time for rest, they contrived to put
+off their clothes for washing. It is a good old saying,
+that <i>cleanliness is next to godliness</i>. See Heb. x. 22.</p>
+
+<p>"Wholesome food is needful for your health. Buy
+the most strengthening. Pieces of fresh beef and mutton
+go the farthest. Eat plenty of fresh salt with food;
+it prevents disease. Pray do not let your children waste
+their pennies in tarts, cakes, bull's eyes, hardbake, sour
+fruit, &amp;c., they are very unwholesome, and hurt the
+digestion. People would often, at twenty years of age,
+have a nice little sum of money to help them on in the
+world, if they had put in the savings' bank the money
+so wasted; Cocoa is cheaper and much more nourishing
+than <em>tea</em>. None of these liquids should be taken <em>hot</em>,
+but lukewarm; when hot they inflame the stomach, and
+produce indigestion.</p>
+
+<p>"We are all made to breathe the pure air of heaven,
+and therefore much illness is caused by being constantly
+in-doors. Let all persons make a point, whenever it is
+possible, of taking exercise in the <em>open air</em> for at least
+an hour and a half <em>daily</em>. <em>Time</em> would be saved in the
+long run by the increased energy and strength gained,
+and by the warding off of disease."</p>
+
+<p>Let it not be supposed that it is not the duty of
+every young lady to take due care of her health, and to
+preserve in all its power of utility every portion of vigor
+which has been bestowed on her.</p>
+
+<p>With many young ladies, it appears to be a maxim to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_267" id="Pg_267">[267]</a></span>
+do everything in their power to destroy the health which
+is so much wanted in the real business of life, and
+which forms so important a requisite to happiness. In
+the first place, as to hours&mdash;they never leave the ball-room
+until utterly exhausted, and scarcely fit to crawl to
+bed. The noon-day sleep, the scarcely touched breakfast,
+that most important meal, are followed by preparations
+for the succeeding night's pleasures, or in head-aching
+morning calls, driving about in a close carriage,
+or lounging on a sofa, in an over-heated room, reading
+novels.</p>
+
+<p>Dressing follows; the warm wrapper or dress is thrown
+aside; over the tightly drawn corsets is fastened a flimsy
+dress, with an inch of sleeve; the neck laid bare; thin
+stockings drawn on, in place of thick ones, and the consumption-seeker
+goes forth to the ball-room again.</p>
+
+<p>"At times, you miss from the gay assemblage some
+former ornament&mdash;you inquire about her&mdash;she has taken
+cold. Inflammation of the lungs, caught it in an accidental
+draught of air by one of these fair half-dressed
+beings, carried off, not long since, one of the gayest and
+fairest of the belles of the season&mdash;after an illness of
+three days.</p>
+
+<p>"Preservation of the health ought, from an early
+stage of existence, to be enforced as a duty upon the
+young. To walk daily; to have daily recourse, in summer,
+even twice a day, to the sponging with cold water,
+or the shower-bath;&mdash;to eat sufficiently of plain, nutritious
+food; to keep the mind calm&mdash;these are <em>duties</em>;&mdash;they
+should be habitually exercised. Care should be
+taken not to come out heated, with a shawl just pinned<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_268" id="Pg_268">[268]</a></span>
+across the shoulders, from a heated room. Where there
+is delicacy of the lungs or windpipe, yet not sufficient to
+render a withdrawal from evening parties necessary, the
+use of a respirator at night is desirable. It is usual to
+have recourse to this valuable invention only when disease
+is actually existing&mdash;as a preventive, it is neglected.
+Yet, preserving the temperature of a warm room, it is
+an excellent precaution, and can easily be assumed when
+the shawl or cloak is put on. The atmosphere of a city
+is destructive where there is any pulmonary delicacy,
+and who shall say, where there is <em>not</em> pulmonary delicacy?
+In this climate, there is a tendency to it, more
+or less, in almost every family,&mdash;at all events, it is too
+easily induced in our predisposed constitutions, by cold,
+aided by the debilitating effect of heated rooms and an
+artificial mode of existence, and accelerated also, most
+decidedly, by bared shoulders. For, in this climate, it
+is scarcely ever safe to lay bare that portion of the
+frame, the back and chest in which the lungs are seated;
+and, although custom may greatly lead to diminish the
+injurious effects, the sudden chill may strike, and may
+never be recovered.</p>
+
+<p>"During every season, certain people have 'head
+colds,' coughs, and 'feverish colds.' These are produced
+by certain states of climate acting on certain states of
+constitution. At particular seasons such complaints
+abound&mdash;at others they abound still more; and again,
+from some singularity, they prevail so much that people
+say, there is an <em>Influenza</em>.</p>
+
+<p>"Influenza has been long known in the world. It
+has often visited Europe; and made its appearance on<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_269" id="Pg_269">[269]</a></span>
+our shores with greater severity than at present. It has
+sometimes been very severe, and left many persons ill for
+a year or two.</p>
+
+<p>"The symptoms of influenza need not be dwelt on, as
+they have been so generally felt by our readers or their
+friends. It varies in different people, to be sure, both
+in kind and in degree. Considering the number of people
+it attacks, it may be looked on as an innocent disease;
+but, on the other hand, looking at the increase it
+has made in the number of deaths, it is an exceedingly
+serious one after all.</p>
+
+<p>"In simple cases&mdash;confinement to a pure and temperate
+air, warm drinks, and a warm bath, or, at least, a
+warm foot-bath, with an extra blanket, and a little more
+rest than usual, keeping to mild food, and toast and
+water, and taking, if necessary, a dose of aperient medicine,&mdash;is
+all that is required. In serious cases, the domestic
+treatment must become professional. Mustard
+plasters to the back relieve the headache. Squills find
+other medicines 'loosen' the outstanding cough. Bark
+and wine, and even cold baths are sometimes requisite
+for the weakness left behind. But these things can only
+be used with discrimination by a regular professional
+man.</p>
+
+<p>"Supposing that the seeds of disease have not been
+laid in childhood, and that there is no particular predisposition
+to any malady in the constitution, a young
+woman enters life with every fair prospect of enjoying
+tolerable health;&mdash;yet, how variable, and delicate, and
+complaining, do the majority of women become! What
+a vast expense is incurred, during the course of their<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_270" id="Pg_270">[270]</a></span>
+lives, in physicians, medicine, change of air, baths
+abroad and at home, and journeys! How few women
+can walk,&mdash;or can suppress nervous feelings,&mdash;or can eat
+like reasonable beings: how many suffer, or say they
+suffer from debility, headaches, dyspepsia, a tendency
+to colds, eternal sore throats, rheumatic attacks, and the
+whole list of polite complaints! With all our modern
+wisdom, with all our books on health, our smatterings of
+physiological science, our open carriages, sponging baths,
+and attention to diet, women now are a far more feeble
+race than our grandmothers, or even our mothers, were.
+What daughter can walk half as far as her mother can?
+What young woman can take the active part that her
+mother did? In most families, the order of things is reversed.
+It is not a child trembling for her mother's
+health, and fearing, lest her parent, no longer young,
+should be fatigued; but it is the mother who is always
+striving to spare her child exertions which she can herself
+perfectly well undergo, but which the enfeebled child
+of modern self-indulgence dare not encounter.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes! we are a self-indulgent race, this present generation.
+Witness our easily excited feelings; witness
+our late hours of rising, our sofas and easy chairs, our
+useless days and dissipated nights! Witness our pallid
+faces, our forms, sometimes attenuated and repulsive
+while yet in early life, age marching, not creeping, on
+before his time; or witness our over-fed and over-expanded
+forms, enfeebled by indolence, and suffering the
+worst species of debility&mdash;the debility of <em>fat</em>. Witness
+our doing those things by deputy which our grandmothers
+did themselves; witness our host of scents and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_271" id="Pg_271">[271]</a></span>
+perfumed waters on our dressing-tables; our over-refinement,
+which amounts to an enervating puerility, and our
+incapacity of parting with one accustomed indulgence,
+even at the bidding of the learned and disinterested adviser?</p>
+
+<p>"'In the education of women,' writes a modern physician,
+'too little attention is given to subdue the imaginative
+faculty, and to moderate sensibility; on the contrary,
+they are generally fostered; and, instead of a
+vigorous intellect and healthy condition of mind, we find
+imagination and sentiment predominant over the reasoning
+faculties, and laying the foundation of hysterical,
+hypochondriacal, and even maniacal diseases.'<a name="FNanchor_B_2" id="FNanchor_B_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_B_2" class="fnanchor">[B]</a> It is,
+in fact, this want of judgment in the management of
+early life that produces so much misery when women are
+called upon to perform an important part in society, and
+when all that exertion can do is required at their hands.</p>
+
+<p>"The duration of sleep should not, in the adult, exceed
+six or eight hours; women injure their health
+greatly by excess in this respect. On rising, all women
+should use some mode of cold or tepid bath; and, indeed,
+in this respect the practice of the present day is admirable;
+there is every facility for the bath. To some, the
+use of the shower-bath is deleterious, and to all inconvenient,
+and not likely to be resorted to except when
+positively ordered. Dr. Combe recommends for <em>general</em>
+use the tepid or warm bath, as being much more suitable
+than the cold bath, 'especially in the winter for those
+who are not robust, and full of animal heat.' When the
+constitution is not sufficiently vigorous to ensure reaction<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_272" id="Pg_272">[272]</a></span>
+after the cold bath, by producing a warm glow over the
+surface, 'its use,' observes the same admirable writer,
+'inevitably does harm.' But he enforces, that 'in order
+to promote a due exhalation from the skin, the warm,
+the tepid, or the shower-bath, as a means of preserving
+health, ought to be in as common use as a change of apparel,
+for it is equally a measure of necessary cleanliness.'
+He inclines to the use of the tepid bath, as likely
+to be the most generally efficacious.</p>
+
+<p>"I have known the most beneficial effects from a
+modification of this advice, namely, from using a sponging-bath,
+into which you pour a jug of warm water, and
+in which you stand, whilst you sponge the body and
+limbs profusely with cold water. A strong friction
+should be employed after this process, either with horsehair
+gloves or with a large coarse towel, and few persons
+will find the use of the sponging-bath disagree with them
+when thus employed. It is, indeed, incredible, when we
+consider the importance of the exhalation performed by
+the skin, to what extent ablution is neglected, not only,
+as Dr. Combe specifies, in charitable institutions and
+seminaries for the young, but by ladies, in ordinary circumstances,
+to whom the use of the bath could be productive
+of no inconvenience. In nervous complaints,
+which are more or less the besetting evil of womankind,
+the bath, in its various forms, becomes an invaluable aid.</p>
+
+<p>"In the formation of those habits which are necessary
+for the preservation of health, another circumstance,
+which, from its importance to health, cannot be deemed
+trifling should be mentioned. It is a general practice
+that beds should be made as soon as the occupants have<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_273" id="Pg_273">[273]</a></span>
+left their rooms, and before the air has been freely admitted
+to play upon the recent depositary of the human
+frame; but this should be avoided. The bed-linen and
+blankets should be taken off, and the windows opened, so
+that, for an hour or more, a thorough ventilation should
+be procured.</p>
+
+<p>"Upon another point, the inconsistency and mental
+blindness of women are almost inconceivable&mdash;the
+insufficiency of their dress to resist the attacks of our
+variable climate. How few women clothe themselves
+like rational beings! Although, in latter years, they
+have wisely adopted the use of warm dresses, and, more
+especially, of the valuable Scottish plaid, yet how commonly
+they neglect the aid of flannel in preserving them
+not only from cold, but in securing a necessary circulation
+of vitality in the skin! 'The necessary effect of
+deficient circulation in the skin,' remarks Dr. Combe,
+'is to throw a disproportionate mass of blood inwards;
+and when this condition exists, insufficient clothing perpetuates
+the evil, until internal disease is generated, and
+health is irrecoverably lost.' How common is the complaint
+among young women, especially those of sedentary
+habits, of chilliness, cold feet, and other symptoms of
+deficient circulation! and yet how impossible would it
+often be&mdash;for women are usually obstinate on this head&mdash;to
+induce them to exchange the thin silk stocking for
+a warm merino one, or to substitute a proper walking
+shoe for the paper-like articles which they designate by
+that name! Hence arise many diseases, which are, by
+insensible degrees, fostered in the system by the unequal
+distribution of the blood oppressing the internal organs.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_274" id="Pg_274">[274]</a></span>
+The habitual tendency to that chilliness which has been
+referred to should never be disregarded, 'laying, as it
+does,' says Dr. Combe, 'the foundation of tubercles in
+the lungs, and other maladies, which show themselves
+only when arrived at an incurable stage.' 'All those
+who value health, and have common sense, will therefore
+take warning from signs like these, and never rest until
+equilibrium of action be restored.' Warm clothing, exercise
+in the open air, sponging with tepid water and
+vinegar, or the warm bath, the use of a flesh-brush or
+hair-glove, are adapted to remedy these serious and
+threatening evils.</p>
+
+<p>"But, whilst insufficiency of clothing is to be deprecated,
+excessive wrapping up should also be avoided.
+Great differences exist between the power of generating
+heat and resisting cold in individuals, and it is therefore
+impossible to prescribe general rules upon the subject of
+clothing. The best maxim is, not to dress in an invariable
+way in all cases, but to put on clothing sufficient in
+the individual case, to protect the body effectively
+against the sensation of cold.<a name="FNanchor_C_3" id="FNanchor_C_3"></a><a href="#Footnote_C_3" class="fnanchor">[C]</a></p>
+
+<p>"The insufficiency of warmth in the clothing of females
+constitutes only one part of its injurious effects.
+The tightness of dress obstructs the insensible perspiration
+hurtfully, and produces an irregular circulation.
+Every part and function of the human frame are linked
+together so closely, that we cannot act wrongly towards
+one organ without all suffering, nor act rightly without
+all sharing the benefit of our judgment and good sense.</p>
+
+<p>"The mischief arising from cold or wet feet is admitted
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_275" id="Pg_275">[275]</a></span>
+by all persons who have given the subject of health
+even the most casual consideration. In conversing with
+very aged people, you will generally find a disregard of
+diet, and very different notions and practices upon the
+subject of exercise and ablution; but they all agree in
+the necessity of keeping the feet dry. I remember inquiring
+of a venerable clergyman, who, up to the age of
+ninety-six, had enjoyed a fair proportion of health, after
+a youth of delicacy. I asked him what system he pursued.
+'Now,' was his reply, 'I never took much care
+what I ate; I have always been temperate. I never
+minded the weather; but I always took care to keep
+my feet dry and well shod.' Wet and damp are, indeed,
+more unwholsome when applied to the feet than when
+they affect other parts; 'because they receive a greater
+supply of blood to carry on a high degree of perspiration,
+and because their distance from the heart, or centre
+of circulation, diminishes the force with which this is
+carried on, and thus leaves them more susceptible from
+external causes.'<a name="FNanchor_D_4" id="FNanchor_D_4"></a><a href="#Footnote_D_4" class="fnanchor">[D]</a></p>
+
+<p>"God, in his infinite benevolence, has given to his
+creatures other means of acquiring a healthy warmth
+than by clothing; he has endowed us with the power of
+exercise&mdash;that blessing which women of weak judgment
+and indolent natures are so prone to neglect and disparage.
+Most ladies appear to think that the privilege of
+walking is only intended for persons of inferior condition.
+They busy themselves, in their in-door occupations
+all the morning, take a hearty luncheon, and drive out
+in their carriages until dinner-time. It is partly owing<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_276" id="Pg_276">[276]</a></span>
+to such customs as these that a rapid deterioration takes
+place in the physical state of our sex, in their looks, and
+in their power of utility, and enjoyment of happiness.
+God never intended us to be inactive.</p>
+
+<p>"The chief purpose of the muscles with which we are
+endowed, is to enable us to carry into effect the volitions
+of the mind; and, whilst fulfilling this grand object, the
+active exercise of the muscles is conducive to the well-being
+of many other important functions. The processes
+of digestion, respiration, secretion, absorption, and nutrition,
+are promoted, and the healthful condition of the
+whole body influenced. The mind also is depressed or
+exhilarated by the proper or improper use of muscular exercise;
+for man is intended for a life of activity: nor can his
+functions ever go on so properly as when he duly exercises
+those organs with which Nature has endowed him.
+The evils arising from want of exercise are numerous:&mdash;the
+circulation, from the absence of due stimulus, becomes
+languid, the appetite and digestion are weakened,
+the respiration is imperfect, and the blood becomes so ill-conditioned,
+that when distributed through the body it is
+inadequate to communicate the necessary stimulus to
+healthy and vigorous action. These points being established,
+it now becomes a consideration in what mode, or
+at what periods, ladies, in society, can most advantageously
+avail themselves of that privilege which is
+granted to so many, denied, comparatively, to so few.</p>
+
+<p>"Much is said on the benefits of walking before
+breakfast, and to a person in full vigor it may, there is
+no doubt, be highly salutary; whilst, to the delicate, it
+will prove more hurtful than beneficial, producing a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_277" id="Pg_277">[277]</a></span>
+sense of weariness which destroys all the future pleasures
+of the day. I am disposed to think, however, from observation,
+that walking before breakfast may be rendered
+beneficial almost to any one by degrees. Most persons
+walk too far the first day; they are proud of the effort,
+become, nevertheless, exhausted, and dare not repeat it.
+A first walk before breakfast should not exceed a quarter
+of a mile; it should be extended, very gradually, and,
+in delicate women, with great care, lest over-fatigue
+should ensue. It is, however, so valuable a habit, such
+a saving of time, so refreshing, so soothing, that many
+sacrifices of inclination should be made to procure it; in a
+gay season the freshness and seclusion of a morning's walk
+is peculiarly needed, and when it becomes so difficult to
+take exercise in the subsequent part of the day, the afternoon
+being too short, and the evening too much occupied.
+And the morning's walk, stolen from the hour given to
+a species of repose which seldom rests, may be, without
+the reproach of indolence, followed by the afternoon's
+siesta&mdash;a practice much to be commended, and greatly
+conducive to rest of nerves and invigoration of the frame,
+when used in moderation.</p>
+
+<p>"Exercise may be taken, by the robust, at any time,
+even after eating heartily, but the delicate ought to avoid
+that risk; they should resort to it only when the frame is
+vigorous enough to bear it, and this is usually from one
+to four or five hours after eating. The morning is,
+therefore, the best time; but exercise ought not to be
+delayed until some degree of exhaustion has taken place
+from want of food, as in that case it dissipates rather
+than renovates the remaining strength, and impairs digestion.
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_278" id="Pg_278">[278]</a></span>
+Exercise immediately before meals is therefore,
+unless very gentle, injurious; if it has been violent, before
+eating rest should intervene. 'Appetite,' says Dr.
+Combe, 'revives after repose.'</p>
+
+<p>"Of all modes of exercise, that which nature has bestowed
+upon us, walking, is decidedly the most salutary;
+and the prevailing system of substituting horse and carriage
+exercise almost entirely for it, is far from being
+advantageous to the present generation. Walking,
+which has for its aim some pleasing pursuit, and, therefore,
+animates the mind, is efficacious to the majority.
+Gardening, which is a modification of walking, offers
+many advantages both to the delicate and the strong,
+and it is a species of exercise which we can adjust to our
+powers. In a continued walk you must go on&mdash;you
+must return; there is no appeal, even if you have gone
+too far, and would willingly give up any further exertion.
+But, while gardening, you are still at home&mdash;your exertions
+are devoted to objects the most interesting, because
+progressive; hope and faith form a part of your stimulus.
+The happy future, when flowers shall bloom around
+you, supersedes in your thoughts the vexatious present
+or the mournful past. About you are the budding treasures
+of spring, or the gorgeous productions of summer,
+or the rich hues of those beauties which autumn pours
+forth most lavishly before it departs,&mdash;and is succeeded
+by winter. Above you are the gay warblers, who seem
+to hail you as you mingle in the sylvan scenes which are
+not all theirs, but which you share and appropriate.
+The ruffled temper, the harassed mind, may find a solace
+in the occupation of gardening, which aids the effect of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_279" id="Pg_279">[279]</a></span>
+exercise and the benign influence of fresh air. Stores
+of future and never-dying interest are buried in the
+earth with every seed, only to spring up again redoubled
+in their value. A lady, as a writer in the 'Quarterly
+Review' observes, should 'not only <em>have</em> but know her
+plants.' And her enjoyment of those delights is truly
+enhanced by that personal care, without which few gardens,
+however superintended by the scientific gardener, can
+prosper, and which bless as they thrive; her plants bestow
+health on the frame which is bowed down to train them&mdash;they
+give to her the blessing of a calm and rational
+pleasure&mdash;they relieve her from the necessity of excitement&mdash;they
+promote alike, in the wealthy and the poor,
+these gentle exertions which are coupled with the most
+poetical and the sweetest of associations.</p>
+
+<p>"Exercise on horseback is not equally attainable with
+the two modes which I have just specified; when it is,
+the accelerated circulation, the change of scene and of
+ideas, are highly beneficial. Where the lungs are weak,
+it is thought by the learned to possess a great advantage
+over walking, as it does not hurry the breathing. The
+gentleness of the exercise enables a delicate person to
+enjoy the advantage of open air and motion for a much
+longer period than could be endured in the action of
+walking. From the tendency of horse exercise to equalize
+the circulation and stimulate the skin, it is invaluable,
+too, for the nervous and dyspeptic portion of young
+women, among whom, unhappily, such complaints are
+but too prevalent.</p>
+
+<p>"Dancing, which is the most frequent mode of exercise
+with ladies in great cities, practiced, as it is, in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_280" id="Pg_280">[280]</a></span>
+heated rooms, and exhausting from its violence, often
+does more harm than good, from producing languor and
+over-fatigue. Unhappily there are but few modes of exercise
+in-doors adapted for women. If, from any circumstances,
+they are confined to their homes, and they
+become feverish and languid from want of exercise, it
+never occurs to them to throw open the windows and to
+walk about, or to make use of battledore and shuttlecock,
+or any other mode of exertion. They continue
+sitting, reading, or walking, or lounging, or sleeping, or
+gossiping,&mdash;whilst the bloom of health is rapidly giving
+place to the wanness and debility of the imprisoned
+frame.</p>
+
+<p>"It is often the custom of young women to declare
+that they cannot walk, sometimes from indolence, no
+doubt, and want of habit, occasionally from real inability.
+But if we investigate the causes of this real inability, we
+shall often find it to proceed from an improper choice of
+time in taking exercise, or from a defective judgment in
+the manner of taking it. Many women exhaust and fatigue
+themselves with the duties of their house, and by
+a thousand trying occupations, including that which
+forms a serious item in the day's work, namely, running
+up and down stairs, and then discover that they cannot
+walk. Others go to extremes, and walk for a certain
+distance, whether they feel fatigued or not by such exertions.
+'It is only,' observes Dr. Combe, 'by a diffusion
+of the laws of exercise as a part of useful education,
+that individuals can be enabled to avoid such mistakes,'
+To be beneficial, exercise should always be proportioned
+to the strength and to the constitution of an individual.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_281" id="Pg_281">[281]</a></span>
+When it causes extreme fatigue or exhaustion, it is hurtful;
+it ought to be resumed always after a period of rest,
+and adopted regularly, not, as too many persons are in
+the habit of doing, once in four or five days. The average
+walk which a young woman in good health and in
+ordinary circumstances, may take, without undue and
+injurious fatigue, is from four to five miles a-day. From
+this rule I except the <em>very</em> young. It has been found
+by experience that until twenty-two or three the strength
+is not completely matured. The rate of mortality, as it
+has been proved by statistical tables, increases in all
+classes of society from fourteen until the age of twenty-three,
+when it begins to decrease.</p>
+
+<p>"Another precaution which I would recommend to
+those who have the regulation of families under their
+care, relates to the subject of ventilation. The heated
+state of our rooms in ordinary occupation is one great
+source of all those mischiefs which arise from catching
+cold, a subject on which Mr. Abernethy was wont to declare,
+that 'a very useful book might be written.' There
+are some houses into which one can never enter with impunity,
+from the want of due ventilation. Housemaids,
+more especially, have an insupportable objection to
+opening windows, on account of the dust which flies in
+and settles upon the furniture. This evil&mdash;for the soiling
+of furniture certainly may be called an evil&mdash;may
+easily be obviated by fastening a muslin blind against
+the open window, or by pinning a large piece of coarse
+muslin against it, so that the dusty particles will be excluded.</p>
+
+<p>"Generally our ordinary sitting-rooms are tolerably<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_282" id="Pg_282">[282]</a></span>
+well ventilated by the opening and shutting of doors,
+the size of the fire-place, &amp;c., but in our bed-rooms the
+vitiation of the air is far greater, owing to these rooms
+being wholly closed during the seven or eight hours in
+which we sleep in them, and, also, owing to the mass of
+curtains with which we usually take care to surround our
+beds. In this respect we are, indeed, improved, by the
+introduction of French bedsteads, which are among the
+most valuable of modern suggestions. But, notwithstanding
+this improvement, and many others which reflection
+and science have contributed to introduce, we
+incur much suffering from our ignorance and prejudice
+on the subject of ventilation. For generations, society
+has experienced the evil effects of the want of ventilation,
+and has felt in towns its results in the form of fevers,
+general ill-health, cutaneous and nervous diseases;
+and yet the most direful ignorance continues on this subject.
+Hospitals are among the few well-ventilated
+buildings which are erected, because an idea prevails
+that ventilation is essential for the sick, but it seems to
+have been forgotten that what is essential for the recovery
+of health is equally necessary for its preservation.
+'Were,' says Dr. Combe, 'a general knowledge of the
+structure of man to constitute a regular part of a liberal
+education, such inconsistencies as this would soon disappear,
+and the scientific architect would speedily devise
+the best means for supplying our houses with pure air,
+as he has already supplied them with pure water.'"</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_283" id="Pg_283">[283]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="CHPTR_XXVI" id="CHPTR_XXVI"></a>CHAPTER XXVI.<br />
+<span class="subttl">MISCELLANEOUS.</span></h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<p>There are many little pieces of rudeness, only too
+common, which, while they evince ill-breeding, and are
+many of them extremely annoying, yet they are met
+with every day, and in persons otherwise well-bred.</p>
+
+<p>As they come under no particular head, they will
+merely be mentioned here, as habits carefully to avoid.</p>
+
+<p>It is rude to look over the shoulder of a person who
+is either reading or writing, yet it is done every day.</p>
+
+<p>To stand with the arms a-kimbo, the hands on the
+hips, or with the arms crossed, while conversing, is exceedingly
+unlady-like.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid restless movements either with the hands, or
+feet; to sit perfectly quiet, without stiffness, easily, yet
+at the same time almost motionless, is one of the surest
+proofs of high-breeding.</p>
+
+<p>If you wish to make yourself agreeable to any one,
+talk as much as you please about his or her affairs, and
+as little as possible about your own.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid passing before persons seated in the same room
+with yourself. If you must rise to move from place to
+place, endeavor to pass behind the chairs of your companions.
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_284" id="Pg_284">[284]</a></span>
+Above all, never pass between two persons
+who are conversing together.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid personal remarks; they evince a want of judgment,
+good taste, kindness, and politeness. To exchange
+glances or significant smiles with a third person, whilst
+engaged in a conversation with a second, is a proof of
+low-breeding. Suppressed laughter, shrugging of the
+shoulders, rolling of the eyes, and significant glances are
+all marks of ill-breeding.</p>
+
+<p>If you meet a gentleman at the foot of a flight of
+stairs, do not go up before him. Stop, bow, and motion
+to him to precede you. He will return your bow, and
+run up, leaving you to follow him.</p>
+
+<p>Never whisper, or make any confidential communication
+in company. Keep private remarks for private occasions.</p>
+
+<p>Accepting presents from gentlemen is a dangerous
+thing. It is better to avoid any such obligations, and,
+if you make it a rule <em>never</em> to accept such presents, you
+will avoid hurting any one's feelings, and save yourself
+from all further perplexity.</p>
+
+<p>In meeting your elderly friends in the street, look at
+them long enough to give them an opportunity of recognizing
+you; and if they do so, return their salutations
+respectfully, not with the familiar nod you would give to
+one of your own age.</p>
+
+<p>Never remain seated, whilst a person older than yourself
+is standing before you, talking to you.</p>
+
+<p>Never lounge on a sofa, while there are those in the
+room, whose years give them a better claim to this sort
+of indulgence.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_285" id="Pg_285">[285]</a></span>
+Never tease a person to do what she has once declined.</p>
+
+<p>Never refuse a request or invitation in order to be
+urged, and accept afterwards. Comply at once. If the
+request is sincere, you will thus afford gratification; if
+not, the individual making it deserves to be punished for
+insincerity, by being taken at her word.</p>
+
+<p>It is not polite when asked what part of a dish you
+will have, to say, "Any part&mdash;it is quite indifferent to
+me;" it is hard enough to carve for one's friends, without
+choosing for them.</p>
+
+<p>It is not polite to entertain a visitor with your own
+family history, or the events of your own household.</p>
+
+<p>It is not polite for married ladies to talk, in the presence
+of gentlemen, of the difficulty they have in procuring
+domestics, and how good-for-nothing they are
+when procured.</p>
+
+<p>It is not polite to put food upon the plate of a guest
+without asking leave, or to press her to eat more than
+she wants.</p>
+
+<p>It is not polite to stare under ladies' bonnets, as if
+you suspected they had stolen the linings from you, or
+wore something that was not their own.</p>
+
+<p>Never affect a foolish reserve in a mixed company,
+keeping aloof from others as if in a state of mental abstraction.
+If your brain is so full and so busy that you
+cannot attend to the little civilities, cheerful chit-chat,
+and light amusements of society, keep out of it.</p>
+
+<p>Never read in company. You may open a book to
+look over the engravings, if you will, but do not attend
+to the letter-press until you are alone.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_286" id="Pg_286">[286]</a></span>
+Never jest upon serious subjects. Avoid scandal. If
+another person attempts to open a conversation upon
+scandalous matters, check her. Say gravely that it is
+painful for you to hear of the faults or misfortunes of
+others, where your counsel and assistance can be of no
+service.</p>
+
+<p>Many persons, whose tongues never utter a scandalous
+word, will, by a significant glance, a shrug of the shoulders,
+a sneer, or curl of the lip, really make more mischief,
+and suggest harder thoughts than if they used the
+severest language. This is utterly detestable. If you
+have your tongue under perfect control, you can also
+control your looks, and you are cowardly, contemptible,
+and wicked, when you encourage and countenance slander
+by a look or gesture.</p>
+
+<p>Never speak of gentlemen by their first name unless
+you are related to them. It is very unlady-like to use
+the surname, without the prefix, Mr. To hear a lady
+speak of Smith, Brown, Anderson, instead of Mr. Anderson
+or Mr. Smith sounds extremely vulgar, and is a
+mark of low breeding.</p>
+
+<p>Avoid eccentricity either in dress, conversation, or
+manner. It is a form of vanity, as it will attract attention,
+and is therefore in bad taste.</p>
+
+<p>Never act as if in a hurry. Ease of action need not
+imply laziness, but simply polite self-possession.</p>
+
+<p>Never laugh at your own wit. That is the part of
+those who hear you, and if you take their duty from
+them, they may omit to join you in your laugh.</p>
+
+<p>Do not indulge in ridicule. It is coarse and unlady-like
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_287" id="Pg_287">[287]</a></span>
+as well as unfeeling. Like every other personality,
+it should be carefully avoided.</p>
+
+<p>Never handle any ornament or article of furniture in
+the room in which you are a visitor.</p>
+
+<p>Do not lean your head against the wall. You leave
+an indelible mark upon the paper, or, if the wall is
+whitewashed, you give your hair a dingy, dusty look, by
+bringing it into contact with the lime.</p>
+
+<p>Never lean forward upon a table. Let neither hands
+nor arms rest there heavily.</p>
+
+<p>To bestow flattery upon a person to his face, betrays
+a want of delicacy; yet, not less so, rudely to rebuke
+his errors or mention his faults, and not have a tender
+regard for his feelings. It is not improper, and may
+sometimes be very kind to mention to an individual what
+yourself and others think of his conduct or performances,
+when it is for his interest or usefulness to know
+it. To express to a friend deserved approbation is generally
+proper.</p>
+
+<p>Nothing but a quick perception of the feelings of
+others, and a ready sympathy with them, can regulate
+the thousand little proprieties that belong to visits of
+condolence and congratulation. There is one hint, however,
+as regards the former, which may perhaps be useful,
+and that is, not to touch upon the cause of affliction,
+unless the mourner leads the way to it; and if a painful
+effort is made to appear cheerful, and to keep aloof from
+the subject, do not make the slightest allusion that could
+increase this feeling.</p>
+
+<p>When at table to <em>press</em> your guests to take more than
+they have inclination for, is antiquated and rude. This<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_288" id="Pg_288">[288]</a></span>
+does not, however, prevent your recommending particular
+dishes to their attention. Everything like compulsion is
+quite exploded.</p>
+
+<p>It is a great mistake to suppose that the best music is
+the most difficult of execution. The very reverse, generally
+speaking, is the case. Music of a high order certainly
+demands high gifts and attainments on the part
+of the performer. But the gifts of nature may be possessed
+by the amateur as well as by the professor; and
+the attainments of art may be the result of moderate
+study and application. A young lady possessed of a sweet
+and tunable voice, a good ear, intelligence, and feeling,
+may cultivate music in its grandest and most beautiful
+forms, and may render its practice a source of the purest
+enjoyment, not only to herself but to her domestic and
+social circle.</p>
+
+<p>The various ceremonies observed in refined society are
+very useful in settling little points, on which there might
+otherwise be much doubt and perplexity; but they should
+never be so strenuously insisted upon as to make an accidental
+omission of them a ground of resentment, and
+an apology should always be accepted in their place.</p>
+
+<p>Your enjoyment of a party depends far less on what
+you find there, than on what you carry with you. The
+vain, the ambitious, the designing, will be full of anxiety
+when they go, and of disappointment when they return.
+A short triumph will be followed by a deep mortification,
+and the selfishness of their aims defeats itself. If you
+go to see, and to hear, and to make the best of whatever
+occurs, with a disposition to admire all that is beautiful,
+and to sympathize in the pleasures of others, you can<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_289" id="Pg_289">[289]</a></span>
+hardly fail to spend the time pleasantly. The less you
+think of yourself and your claims to attention, the better.
+If you are much attended to, receive it modestly,
+and consider it as a happy accident; if you are little
+noticed, use your leisure in observing others.</p>
+
+<p>It were unjust and ungrateful to conceive that the
+amusements of life are altogether forbidden by its beneficent
+Author. They serve, on the contrary, important
+purposes in the economy of human life, and are destined
+to produce important effects both upon our happiness and
+character. They are, in the first place, in the language
+of the Psalmist, "the wells of the desert;" the kind
+resting-places in which toil may relax, in which the weary
+spirit may recover its tone, and where the desponding
+mind may resume its strength and its hopes. It is not,
+therefore, the use of the innocent amusements of life
+which is dangerous, but the abuse of them; it is not
+when they are occasionally, but when they are constantly
+pursued; and when, from being an occasional indulgence,
+it becomes an habitual desire.</p>
+
+<p>Women in the middle rank are brought up with the
+idea that if they engage in some occupations, they shall
+lose "their position in society." Suppose it to be so;
+surely it is wiser to quit a position we cannot honestly
+maintain, than to live dependent upon the bounty and
+caprice of others; better to labor with our hands, than
+eat the bread of idleness; or submit to feel that we must
+not give utterance to our real opinions, or express our
+honest indignation at being required to act a base or unworthy
+part. And in all cases, however situated, every
+female ought to learn how all household affairs are managed,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_290" id="Pg_290">[290]</a></span>
+were it only for the purpose of being able to direct
+others. There cannot be any disgrace in learning
+how to make the bread we eat, to cook our dinners, to
+mend our clothes, or even to clean the house. Better
+to be found busily engaged in removing the dust from
+the furniture, than to let it accumulate there until a
+visitor leaves palpable traces where his hat or his arm
+have been laid upon a table.</p>
+
+<p>Never put temptation in a servant's way; never be
+severe for trifling offences, such as accidentally breaking
+anything, but reserve your severity for those offences
+which are moral evils, such as a want of truth, general
+laxity of principle, &amp;c. The orders given to servants
+should be clear and definite; and they should be trained
+as much as possible to perform their duties regularly, so
+that every morning they may know pretty nearly what
+will be expected of them during the day. It is a great
+point to live, when you are alone, as if you expected
+company; that is to say, to have everything so neat and
+orderly that you need not be ashamed of any one seeing
+your table. It is very little more trouble, and certainly
+no more expense; and the advantages in point of comfort
+are unspeakable.</p>
+
+<p>If a foolish girl, by dint of squeezing and bracing with
+busk and bones, secures the conventional beauty of a
+wasp waist, she is tolerably certain to gain an addition
+she by no means bargained for, a <em>red nose</em>, which, in
+numberless instances, is produced by no other cause than
+the unnatural girth, obstructing circulation, and causing
+stagnation of the blood, in that prominent and important
+feature. Often, in assemblages of the fair, we have seen<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_291" id="Pg_291">[291]</a></span>
+noses faultless in form, but tinged with the abhorred hue,
+to which washes and cosmetics have been applied in wild
+despair; but in vain! If the lovely owners had known
+the cause, how speedily the effect would have vanished!
+for surely the most perverse admirer of a distorted spine
+and compressed lungs, would deem the acquisition of a
+dram-drinker's nose, too heavy a condition to be complied
+with.</p>
+
+<p>A well-bred woman will not demand as a right what
+she may have a claim to expect from the politeness of
+the other sex, nor show dissatisfaction and resentment if
+she fancies herself neglected. For want of good breeding
+some females are exorbitant in their expectations,
+and appear unthankful even when everything is done
+which true politeness demands. Young women should
+guard against this unamiable defect.</p>
+
+<p>A well-bred person will take care not to use slang
+words and expressions. There never has been a time,
+at least in late years, when there have not been some
+two or three cant vulgarisms in vogue among all the
+blackguards of the country. Sometimes these phrases
+have been caught up from some popular song or farce;
+sometimes, we believe, they have had their origin "where
+assembles the collective wisdom of the country." A
+dozen of these terse but meaningless sayings now dance
+before our recollection, for who has not heard them, even
+to loathing? But from whatever source they may have
+been drawn, or whatever wit there might be in their
+original position, the obtrusion of them into decent society
+is an unwarrantable piece of impertinence.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_292" id="Pg_292">[292]</a></span>
+A habit of inserting into familiar conversation such
+phrases as "You know," "You perceive," "You understand,"
+"Says he," "Says she," is, so far as those matters
+extend, a sign of a want of good breeding.</p>
+
+<p>With regard to any specific rules for dressing, we do
+not pretend to arbitrate in such matters. Let a true
+sense of propriety, of the fitness of things, regulate all
+your habits of living and dressing, and it will produce
+such a beautiful harmony and consistency of character
+as will throw a charm around you that all will feel,
+though few may comprehend. Always consider well
+whether the articles of dress, which you wish to purchase,
+are suited to your age, your condition, your means; to
+the climate, to the particular use to which you mean to
+put them; and let the principles of good taste keep you
+from the extremes of the fashion, and regulate the form,
+so as to combine utility and beauty, whilst the known
+rules of harmony in colors save you from shocking the
+eye of the artist by incongruous mixtures.</p>
+
+<p>"Manners," says the eloquent Edmund Burke, "are
+of more importance than laws. Upon them, in a great
+measure, the laws depend. The law can touch us here
+and there, now and then. Manners are what vex or
+sooth, corrupt or purify, exalt or debase, barbarise or
+refine, by a constant, steady, uniform, insensible operation,
+like that of the air we breathe in. They give their
+whole form and colors to our lives. According to their
+quality they aid morals, they supply them, or they totally
+destroy them."</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_293" id="Pg_293">[293]</a></span></p>
+
+<h3>FOUR IMPORTANT RULES.</h3>
+
+<p>"Order is heaven's first law."</p>
+
+<p>1. A suitable place for everything, and everything in
+its place.</p>
+
+<p>2. A proper time for everything, and everything done
+in its time.</p>
+
+<p>3. A distinct name for everything, and everything
+called by its name.</p>
+
+<p>4. A certain use for everything, and everything put
+to its use.</p>
+
+<p>Much time would be saved; many disputes avoided;
+numerous articles kept from being lost or injured, and
+constant confusion and disorder prevented, by the strict
+observance of these four important rules.</p>
+
+<p>Dispense with ornaments altogether rather than wear
+mock jewelry.</p>
+
+<p>Depend upon it, silvery hair is better adapted to the
+faded cheeks of middle age, than are tresses of nut-brown
+or coal-black, or any of the mysterious shades
+produced by a dirty decoction called Hair-dye.</p>
+
+<p>The habitual use of very thin shoes invariably makes
+the feet tender, and a host of other inconveniences arise
+therefrom. If you are tempted to purchase tight shoes,
+don't, for several reasons; but one may suffice&mdash;you will
+not wear them more than twice.</p>
+
+<p>If you are not quite certain of the line between neatness
+and the reverse, be over-scrupulous about your under
+garments. The edge of a soiled petticoat, or the
+glimpse of a rent stocking is singularly disenchanting.</p>
+
+<p>Men of sense&mdash;I speak not of boys of eighteen to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_294" id="Pg_294">[294]</a></span>
+five and twenty, during their age of detestability&mdash;men
+who are worth the trouble of falling in love with, and
+the fuss and inconvenience, of being married to, and to
+whom one might, after some inward conflicts, and a
+course perhaps of fasting and self-humiliation, submit to
+fulfil those ill-contrived vows of obedience which are exacted
+at the altar, such men want, for their wives,
+companions, not dolls; and women who would suit such
+men are just as capable of loving fervently, deeply, as
+the Ringlettina, full of song and sentiment, who cannot
+walk, cannot rise in the morning, cannot tie her bonnet-strings,
+faints if she has to lace her boots, never in her
+life brushed out her beautiful hair, would not for the
+world prick her delicate finger with plain sewing; but
+who can work harder than a factory girl upon a lamb's-wool
+shepherdess, dance like a dervise at balls, ride like
+a fox-hunter, and, whilst every breath of air gives her
+cold in her father's house, and she cannot think how people
+can endure this climate, she can go out to parties in
+February and March, with an inch of sleeve and half-a-quarter
+of boddice.</p>
+
+<p>All circumstances well examined, there can be no
+doubt Providence has willed that man should be the head
+of the human race, even as woman is its heart; that he
+should be its strength, as she is its solace; that he should
+be its wisdom, as she is its grace; that he should be its
+mind, its impetus, and its courage, as she is its sentiment,
+its charm, and its consolation. Too great an amelioration
+could not be effected, in our opinion, in the system
+generally adopted, which, far from correcting or even
+compensating the presumed intellectual inequality of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_295" id="Pg_295">[295]</a></span>
+two sexes, generally serves only to increase it. By
+placing, for example, dancing and needle-work at the
+extreme poles of female study, the one for its attraction
+and the other for its utility, and by not filling the immense
+interval with anything more valuable than mere
+monotonous, imperfect, superficial, and totally unphilosophical
+notions, this system has made of the greater
+number of female seminaries, establishments which may
+be compared alike to nursery-grounds for coquettes and
+sempstresses. It is never remembered that in domestic
+life conversation is of more importance than the needle
+or choregraphy; that a husband is neither a pacha nor
+a lazzarone, who must be perpetually intoxicated or unceasingly
+patched; that there are upon the conjugal dial
+many long hours of calm intimacy, of cool contemplation,
+of cold tenderness; and that the husband makes
+another home elsewhere if his own hearth offers him only
+silence; or what is a hundred times worse, merely frivolous
+and monotonous discourse. Let the woman play the
+gossip at a given moment, that is all very well; let her
+superintend the laundry or the kitchen at another, that
+is also very well; but these duties only comprise two-thirds
+of her mission. Ought care not to be taken that
+during the rest of her time she could also be capable of
+becoming to her husband a rational friend, a cheerful
+partner, an interesting companion, or, at least, an efficient
+listener, whose natural intelligence, even if originally
+inferior to his own, shall, by the help of education,
+have been raised to the same level!</p>
+
+<p>Pascal says: "Kind words do not cost much. They
+never blister the tongue or lips. And we have never<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_296" id="Pg_296">[296]</a></span>
+heard of any mental trouble arising from this quarter.
+Though they do not cost much. 1. They help one's own
+good nature. Soft words soften our own soul. Angry
+words are fuel to the flame of wrath, and make it blaze
+more fiercely. 2. Kind words make other people good natured.
+Cold words freeze people, and hot words scorch
+them, and bitter words make them bitter, and wrathful
+words make them wrathful. There is such a rush of all
+other kinds of words in our days, that it seems desirable
+to give kind words a change among them. There are
+vain words, and idle words, and hasty words, and spiteful
+words, and silly words, and empty words, and profane
+words, and boisterous words, and warlike words.
+Kind words also produce their own image on men's souls.
+And a beautiful image it is. They smooth, and quiet,
+and comfort the hearer. They shame him out of his
+sour, morose, unkind feelings. We have not yet begun
+to use kind words in such abundance as they ought to be
+used."</p>
+
+<p>A writer in the New York Observer, speaking of the
+necessity of guarding the tongue, says:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"It is always well to avoid saying everything that is
+improper; but it is especially so before children. And
+here parents, as well as others, are often in fault. Children
+have as many ears as grown persons, and they are
+generally more attentive to what is said before them.
+What they hear, they are very apt to repeat; and, as
+they have no discretion, and not sufficient knowledge of
+the world to disguise anything, it is generally found that
+'children and fools speak the truth.' See that boy's
+eyes glisten while you are speaking of a neighbor in a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_297" id="Pg_297">[297]</a></span>
+language you would not wish to have repeated. He does
+not fully understand what you mean, but he will remember
+every word; and it will be strange if he does not
+cause you to blush by the repetition.</p>
+
+<p>"A gentleman was in the habit of calling at a neighbor's
+house, and the lady had always expressed to him
+great pleasure from his calls. One day, just after she
+had remarked to him, as usual, her happiness from his
+visit, her little boy entered the room. The gentleman
+took him on his knee, and asked, 'Are you not glad to
+see me, George?' 'No, sir,' replied the boy. 'Why
+not, my little man?' he continued. 'Because mother
+don't want you to come,' said George. 'Indeed! how
+do you know that, George?' Here the mother became
+crimson, and looked daggers at her little son. But he
+saw nothing, and therefore replied, 'Because, she said
+yesterday, she wished that old bore would not call here
+again.' That was enough. The gentleman's hat was
+soon in requisition, and he left with the impression that
+'great is the truth, and it will prevail.'</p>
+
+<p>"Another little child looked sharply in the face of a
+visitor, and being asked what she meant by it, replied,
+'I wanted to see if you had a drop in your eye; I heard
+mother say you had frequently.'</p>
+
+<p>"A boy once asked one of his father's guests who it was
+that lived next door to him, and when he heard his name,
+inquired if he was not a fool. 'No, my little friend,'
+replied the guest, 'he is not a fool, but a very sensible
+man. But why did you ask that question?' 'Because,'
+replied the boy, 'mother said the other day, that you<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_298" id="Pg_298">[298]</a></span>
+were next door to a fool; and I wanted to know who
+lived next door to you.'"</p>
+
+<p>The best way to overcome the selfishness and rudeness
+you sometimes meet with on public occasions, is, by great
+politeness and disinterestedness on your part; overcome
+evil with good, and you will satisfy your own conscience,
+and, perhaps, touch theirs. Contending for your rights
+stirs up the selfish feelings in others; but a readiness to
+yield them awakens generous sentiments, and leads to
+mutual accommodation. The more refined you are, and
+the greater have been your advantages, the more polite
+and considerate you should be toward others, the more
+ready to give place to some poor, uneducated girl, who
+knows no better than to push herself directly in your
+way.</p>
+
+<p>Politeness is as necessary to a happy intercourse with
+the inhabitants of the kitchen, as with those of the parlor;
+it lessens the pains of service, promotes kind feelings
+on both sides, and checks unbecoming familiarity;
+always thank them for what they do for you, and always
+ask rather than command their services.</p>
+
+<p>Of late years, the wearing of jewelry, in season and
+out of season, both by matrons and unmarried females,
+has increased vastly. It is an indication that the growing
+wealth of the people is not accompanied by a corresponding
+refinement; but that the love of vulgar show,
+the low pride of ostentation, takes the place of a pure
+and elevated taste. The emulation with fashionable
+dames, now-a-days, so far from being, as with the Spartan
+women, to excel each other in household virtues, is
+to wear the largest diamonds. And, in this ambition,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_299" id="Pg_299">[299]</a></span>
+they forget fitness, beauty, taste, everything but the
+mere vulgar desire to shine. To be gracefully and elegantly
+attired, in short, is secondary to the desire to be
+a sort of jeweler's walking show-card. We do not oppose
+the use of diamonds and pearls altogether, as some
+persons might imagine from these remarks. A few diamonds,
+judiciously worn, look well, on proper occasions,
+on married women. But young girls rarely, or never,
+improve their appearance by the use of these dazzling
+jewels; and, as a general rule, the simpler the costume
+of a woman in her teens, the better. Women are usually
+pretty, up to the age of twenty, at least. Consequently,
+at this period of life, there are few whom an
+elaborate attire does not injure; a simple dress, or a
+rose-bud in the hair, is frequently all that is required;
+and more only spoils that combination of youthfulness,
+grace, and modesty, which it should be the highest
+ambition of the girl to attain; because, if she did
+but know it, it is her highest charm. Instead of this,
+however, we see gay females, scarcely freed from the
+nursery, wearing enormous jeweled ear-drops, or sporting
+on the finger, a diamond ring as large as a sixpence.
+Sometimes, too, ladies pretending to be well-bred, descend
+to receive a morning visitor of their own sex, glittering
+like a jeweler's case, with costly gems. In all
+this, we repeat, there is neither refinement nor elegance,
+but simply vulgar ostentation. Female dress has ceased
+to be a means of beautifying the person or displaying
+the wearer's taste, and has become instead, a mere brag
+of the husband's or father's wealth.</p>
+
+<p>A knowledge of domestic duties is beyond all price to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_300" id="Pg_300">[300]</a></span>
+a woman. Every one of the sex ought to know how to
+sew, and knit, and mend, and cook, and superintend a
+household. In every situation of life, high or low, this
+sort of knowledge is of great advantage. There is no
+necessity that the gaining of such information should interfere
+with intellectual acquirement or even elegant accomplishment.
+A well-regulated mind can find time to
+attend to all. When a girl is nine or ten years old, she
+should be accustomed to take some regular share in
+household duties, and to feel responsible for the manner
+in which her part is performed&mdash;such as her own mending,
+washing the cups and putting them in place, cleaning
+silver, or dusting and arranging the parlor. This
+should not be done occasionally, and neglected whenever
+she finds it convenient&mdash;she should consider it her department.
+When older than twelve, girls should begin
+to take turns in superintending the household&mdash;making
+puddings, pies, cakes, &amp;c. To learn effectually, they
+should actually do these themselves, and not stand by
+and see others do them. Many a husband has been ruined
+for want of these domestic qualities in a wife&mdash;and
+many a husband has been saved from ruin by his wife
+being able to manage well the household concerns.</p>
+
+<p>It is a mark, not only of ill-breeding, but of positive
+want of feeling and judgment, to speak disparagingly
+of a physician to one of his patients. Many persons,
+visiting an invalid friend, will exclaim loudly against
+the treatment pursued, recommend a different doctor,
+and add to the sufferings of the patient by their injudicious
+remarks upon the medicines or practice used.</p>
+
+<p>It is too much the fashion, in conversation, to use exaggerated
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_301" id="Pg_301">[301]</a></span>
+expressions which are opposed to <em>truth</em>, without
+the person employing them being aware of it, from
+the mere force of habit. Why need we say splendid for
+pretty, magnificent for handsome, horrid for unpleasant,
+immense for large, thousands, or myriads, for any number
+more than two? This practice is pernicious, for the
+effect is to deprive the person who is guilty of it, from
+being believed, when she is in earnest. No one can trust
+the testimony of an individual who, in common conversation,
+is indifferent to the import, and regardless of the
+value of words.</p>
+
+<p>Politeness is very essential to the right transaction
+of that great business of woman's life, <em>shopping</em>. The
+variety afforded by the shops of a city renders people
+difficult to please; and the latitude they take in examining
+and asking the price of goods, which they have no
+thought of buying, is so trying to the patience of those
+who attend upon them, that nothing but the most perfect
+courtesy of demeanor can reconcile them to it.
+Some persons behave, in shopping, as if no one had any
+rights, or any feelings, but the purchasers; as if the
+sellers of goods were mere automatons, put behind the
+counter to do their bidding; they keep them waiting,
+whilst they talk of other things, with a friend; they
+call for various goods, ask the price, and try to cheapen
+them, without any real intention of buying. A lady
+who wants decision of character, after hesitating and
+debating, till the poor trader's patience is almost exhausted,
+will beg him to send the article to her house,
+for her to examine it there; and, after giving him all<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_302" id="Pg_302">[302]</a></span>
+this trouble, she will refuse to purchase it, without any
+scruple or apology. Some think they have a right to
+exchange articles at the place where they were bought;
+whereas that privilege should be asked as a favor, only
+by a good customer,&mdash;and then but rarely.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_303" id="Pg_303">[303]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2><a name="RECEIPTS" id="RECEIPTS"></a>RECEIPTS.</h2>
+
+<p class="linkback"><a href="#CONTENTS">[To Contents]</a></p>
+
+<h3>FOR THE COMPLEXION.</h3>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Cold Cream, 1.</span>&mdash;Take 2½ ounces of sweet oil of almonds,
+3 drachms of white wax, and the same of spermaceti,
+2½ ounces of rose-water, 1 drachm of oil of bergamot,
+and 15 drops each of oil of lavender, and otto of
+roses. Melt the wax and spermaceti in the oil of almonds,
+by placing them together in a jar, which should
+be plunged into boiling water. Heat a mortar (which
+should, if possible, be <em>marble</em>) by pouring boiling water
+into it, and letting it remain there until the mortar is
+uniformly heated; the water is to be poured away, and
+the mortar dried well. Pour the melted wax and spermaceti
+into the warm mortar, and add rose-water gradually,
+while the mixture is constantly stirred or whisked
+with an egg-whisp, until the whole is cold, and, when
+nearly finished, add the oils and otto of roses.</p>
+
+<p>In the absence of a mortar, a basin plunged into another
+containing boiling water will answer the purpose.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Cold Cream, 2.</span>&mdash;Take 10 drachms of spermaceti, 4<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_304" id="Pg_304">[304]</a></span>
+drachms of white wax, half a pound of prepared lard, 15
+grains of subcarbonate of potash, 4 ounces of rose-water,
+2 ounces of spirits of wine, and ten drops of otto of
+roses.</p>
+
+<p>Proceed as above. Some persons prefer orange-flower-water
+instead of rose-water, in which case use the same
+proportions.</p>
+
+<p>Cold cream is a useful local application to hard and
+dry parts of the skin, to abrasions and cracks. When
+spread thickly upon rag, it is an excellent application to
+blistered surfaces or burns, or may be used to protect exposed
+parts from the influence of the sun.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Granulated Cold Cream.</span>&mdash;Take white wax and
+spermaceti, of each one ounce; almond oil 3 ounces, otto
+of rose, as much as you please. Dissolve the wax and
+spermaceti in the almond oil, by means of heat, and
+when a little cool, pour the mixture into a large wedgwood
+mortar previously warmed, and containing about a
+pint of warm water. Stir briskly until the cream is well
+divided, add the otto, and <em>suddenly</em> pour the whole into
+a clean vessel containing 8 or 12 pints of <em>cold water</em>.
+Separate the cream by straining through muslin, and
+shake out as much water as possible.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">White Camphorated Ointment, 1.</span>&mdash;Take 3 ounces
+2 drachms of powdered carbonate of lead (cerussa), 45
+grains of powdered camphor. Mix, and then stir into 5
+ounces of melted lard.</p>
+
+<p>This is applied to burns and contusions with very good
+effect, and is much used in Austria. The surface must
+not be abraded when it is applied.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">White Camphorated Ointment, 2.</span>&mdash;Take 4 ounces<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_305" id="Pg_305">[305]</a></span>
+of olive oil, 1 ounce of white wax, 22 grains of camphor,
+and 6 drachms of spermaceti. Melt the wax and spermaceti
+with the oil, and when they have cooled rub the
+ointment with the camphor, dissolved in a little oil.
+Sometimes the white wax is omitted, and lard substituted
+for it.</p>
+
+<p>It is useful in chaps, fissures, abrasions, and roughness
+of the skin.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Pitch Pomade, 1.</span>&mdash;Take 1 drachm of pitch, and 1
+ounce of lard. Mix well, and apply twice a day to the
+affected parts.</p>
+
+<p>This is used for ringworm, and scald head.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To soften the Skin, and improve the Complexion.</span>&mdash;If
+flowers of sulphur be mixed in a little milk, and,
+after standing an hour or two, the milk (without disturbing
+the sulphur) be rubbed into the skin, it will keep it
+soft, and make the complexion clear. It is to be used
+before washing.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To remove Black Stains from the Skin.</span>&mdash;Ladies
+that wear mourning in warm weather are much incommoded
+by the blackness it leaves on the arms and neck,
+and which cannot easily be removed, even by soap and
+warm water. To have a remedy always at hand, keep,
+in the drawer of your wash-stand, a box, containing a
+mixture in equal portions of cream of tartar, and oxalic
+acid (<span class="smcapuc">POISON</span>). Get, at a druggist's, half an ounce
+of each of these articles, and have them mixed and
+pounded together in a mortar. Put some of this mixture
+into a cup that has a cover, and if, afterwards, it
+becomes hard, you may keep it slightly moistened with
+water. See that it is always closely covered. To use<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_306" id="Pg_306">[306]</a></span>
+it, wet the black stains on your skin with the corner of a
+towel, dipped in water (warm water is best, but is not always
+at hand). Then, with your finger, rub on a little
+of the mixture. Then <em>immediately</em> wash it off with
+water, and afterwards with soap and water, and the black
+stains will be visible no longer. This mixture will also
+remove ink, and all other stains from the fingers, and
+from <em>white</em> clothes. It is more speedy in its effects if
+applied with warm water. No family should be without
+it, but care must be taken to keep it out of the way of
+young children, as, if swallowed, it is poisonous.</p>
+
+<h3>PASTES.</h3>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Almond.</span>&mdash;Take 1 ounce of bitter almonds, blanch
+and pound them to a fine powder, then add 1 ounce of
+barley flour, and make it into a smooth paste by the addition
+of a little honey. When this paste is laid over
+the skin, particularly where there are freckles, it makes
+it smooth and soft.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Palatine.</span>&mdash;Take 8 ounces of soft-soap, of olive oil,
+and spirits of wine, each 4 ounces, 1½ ounce of lemon-juice,
+sufficient silver-sand to form into a thick paste,
+and any perfume that is grateful to the person. Boil
+the oil and soap together in a pipkin, and then gradually
+stir in the sand and lemon-juice. When nearly cool add
+the spirit of wine, and lastly the perfume. Make into
+a paste with the hands, and place in jars or pots for
+use.</p>
+
+<p>This paste is used instead of soap, and is a valuable
+addition to the toilette, as it preserves the skin from
+chapping, and renders it smooth and soft.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_307" id="Pg_307">[307]</a></span>
+<span class="smcap">American Cosmetic Powder.</span>&mdash;Calcined magnesia
+applied the same as ordinary toilette powders, by means
+of a swan's-down ball, usually called a "puff."</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Maloine.</span>&mdash;Take 4 ounces of powdered marsh-mallow
+roots, 2 ounces of powdered white starch, 3 drachms of
+powdered orris-root, and 20 drops of essence of jasmine.
+Mix well, and sift through fine muslin.</p>
+
+<p>This is one of the most agreeable and elegant cosmetics
+yet known for softening and whitening the skin, preserving
+it from chapping, and being so simple that it
+may be applied to the most delicate or irritable skin.</p>
+
+<p>This receipt has never before been published, and we
+know that only six bottles of it have been made.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Oxide of Zinc</span> is sprinkled into chaps and fissures to
+promote their cure.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Yaoulta.</span>&mdash;Take 1 ounce of white starch, powdered
+and sifted, ½ a drachm of rose pink, 10 drops of essence
+of jasmine, and 2 drops of otto of roses. Mix and keep
+in a fine muslin bag.</p>
+
+<p>This exquisite powder is to be dusted over the face,
+and, being perfectly harmless, may be used as often as
+necessity requires. It also imparts a delicate rosy tinge
+to the skin preferable to rouge.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Crème de l'Enclos.</span>&mdash;Take 4 ounces of milk, 1 ounce
+of lemon-juice, and 2 drachms of spirit of wine. Simmer
+over a slow fire, and then bring it to the boil, skim
+off the scum, and when cold apply it to the skin.</p>
+
+<p>It is much used by some persons to remove freckles
+and sun-burnings.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_308" id="Pg_308">[308]</a></span></p>
+
+<h3>WASHES AND LOTIONS.</h3>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Milk of Roses, 1.</span>&mdash;Take 2 ounces of blanched almonds;
+12 ounces of rose-water; white soft-soap, or Windsor
+soap; white wax; and oil of almonds, of each 2 drachms;
+rectified spirit, 3 ounces; oil of bergamot, 1 drachm;
+oil of lavender, 15 drops; otto of roses, 8 drops. Beat
+the almonds well, and then add the rose-water gradually
+so as to form an emulsion, mix the soap, white wax, and
+oil together, by placing them in a covered jar upon the
+edge of the fire-place, then rub this mixture in a mortar
+with the emulsion. Strain the whole through very fine
+muslin, and add the essential oils, previously mixed with
+the spirit.</p>
+
+<p>This is an excellent wash for "sunburns," freckles, or
+for cooling the face and neck, or any part of the skin to
+which it is applied.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Milk of Roses, 2.</span>&mdash;This is not quite so expensive a
+receipt as the last; and, at the same time is not so good.</p>
+
+<p>Take 1 ounce of Jordan almonds; 5 ounces of distilled
+rose-water; 1 ounce of spirit of wine; ½ a drachm
+of Venetian soap, and 2 drops of otto of roses. Beat
+the almonds (previously blanched and well dried with a
+cloth) in a mortar, until they become a complete paste,
+then beat the soap and mix with the almonds, and afterwards
+add the rose-water and spirit. Strain through a
+very fine muslin or linen, and add the otto of roses.</p>
+
+<p>The common milk of roses sold in the shops, frequently
+contains salt of tartar, or pearlash, combined
+with olive oil and rose-water, and therefore it is better
+to make it yourself to ensure it being good.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_309" id="Pg_309">[309]</a></span>
+<span class="smcap">French Milk of Roses.</span>&mdash;Mix 2½ pints of rose-water
+with ½ a pint of rosemary-water, then add tincture of
+storax and tincture of benzoin, of each 2 ounces; and
+<i>esprit de rose</i>, ½ an ounce. This is a useful wash for
+freckles.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">German Milk of Roses.</span>&mdash;Take of rose-water and
+milk of almonds, each 3 ounces; water 8 ounces; rosemary-water
+2 ounces; and spirit of lavender ½ an ounce.
+Mix well, and then add ½ an ounce of sugar of lead.</p>
+
+<p>This is a dangerous form to leave about where there
+are children, and should never be applied when there are
+any abrasions, or chaps on the surface.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Milk of Almonds.</span>&mdash;Blanch 4 ounces of Jordan almonds,
+dry them with a towel, and then pound them in
+a mortar; add 2 drachms of white or curd soap, and rub
+it up with the almonds for about ten minutes or rather
+more, gradually adding one quart of rose-water, until
+the whole is well mixed, then strain through a fine piece
+of muslin, and bottle for use.</p>
+
+<p>This is an excellent remedy for freckles and sunburns,
+and may be used as a general cosmetic, being applied to
+the skin after washing by means of the corner of a soft
+towel.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Anti-freckle Lotion, 1.</span>&mdash;Take tincture of benzoin,
+2 ounces; tincture of tolu, 1 ounce; oil of rosemary, ½
+a drachm. Mix well and bottle. When required to be
+used, add a teaspoonful of the mixture to about a wine-glassful
+of water, and apply the lotion to the face or
+hands, &amp;c., night and morning, carefully rubbing it in
+with a soft towel.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Anti-freckle Lotion, 2.</span>&mdash;Take 1 ounce of rectified<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_310" id="Pg_310">[310]</a></span>
+spirit of wine; 1 drachm of hydrochloric acid (spirit of
+salt); and 7 ounces of water. Mix the acid gradually
+with the water, and then add the spirit of wine; apply
+by means of a camel's-hair brush, or a piece of flannel.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Gowland's Lotion.</span>&mdash;Take 1½ grains of bichloride of
+mercury, and 1 ounce of emulsion of bitter almonds;
+mix well. Be careful of the bichloride of mercury, because
+it is a poison.</p>
+
+<p>This is one of the best cosmetics for imparting a delicate
+appearance and softness to the skin, and is a useful
+lotion in acne, ringworm, hard and dry skin, and sun-blisterings.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Cold Cream.</span>&mdash;Sweet almond oil, 7 lbs. by weight,
+white wax, ¾ lb., spermaceti, ¾ lb., clarified mutton suet,
+1 lb., rose-water, 7 pints, spirits of wine, 1 pint. Directions
+to mix the above:&mdash;Place the oil, wax, spermaceti,
+and suet in a large jar; cover it over tightly, then place
+it in a saucepan of boiling water, (having previously
+placed two or more pieces of fire-wood at the bottom of
+the saucepan, to allow the water to get underneath the
+jar, and to prevent its breaking) keep the water boiling
+round the jar till all the ingredients are dissolved; take
+it out of the water, and pour it into a large pan previously
+warmed and capable of holding 21 pints; then,
+with a wooden spatula, stir in the rose-water, cold, as
+quickly as possible, (dividing it into three or four parts,
+at most,) the stirring in of which should not occupy
+above five minutes, as after a certain heat the water will
+not mix. When all the water is in, stir unremittingly
+for thirty minutes longer, to prevent its separating, then
+add the spirits of wine, and the scent, and it is finished.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_311" id="Pg_311">[311]</a></span>
+Keep it in a cold place, in a white glazed jar, and do
+not cut it with a <em>steel</em> knife, as it causes blackness at the
+parts of contact. Scent with otto of roses and essential
+oil of bergamot to fancy. For smaller quantities, make
+ounces instead of pounds.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Palm Soap.</span>&mdash;I make it in the following manner:&mdash;Cut
+thin two pounds of yellow soap into a double saucepan,
+occasionally stirring it till it is melted, which will
+be in a few minutes if the water is kept boiling around
+it; then add quarter of a pound of palm oil, quarter
+of a pound of honey, three pennyworth of true oil
+of cinnamon; let all boil together another six or eight
+minutes; pour out and stand it by till next day; it is
+then fit for immediate use. If made as these directions
+it will be found to be a very superior soap.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Cure for Chapped Hands.</span>&mdash;Take 3 drachms of
+gum camphor, 3 drachms of white beeswax, 3 drachms
+of spermaceti, 2 ounces of olive oil,&mdash;put them together
+in a cup upon the stove, where they will melt slowly and
+form a white ointment in a few minutes. If the hands
+be affected, anoint them on going to bed, and put on a
+pair of gloves. A day or two will suffice to heal them.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Whiten the Nails.</span>&mdash;Diluted sulphuric acid, 2
+drachms; tincture of myrrh, 1 drachm; spring water, 4
+ounces. Mix. First cleanse with white soap, and then
+dip the fingers into the mixture.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Whiten the Hands.</span>&mdash;Take a wine-glassful of
+eau de Cologne, and another of lemon-juice; then scrape
+two cakes of brown Windsor soap to a powder, and mix
+well in a mould. When hard, it will be an excellent
+soap for whitening the hands.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_312" id="Pg_312">[312]</a></span></p>
+
+<h3>FOR THE TEETH.</h3>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To remove Tartar from the Teeth.</span>&mdash;1st. The use
+of the tooth-brush night and morning, and, at least,
+rinsing the mouth after every meal at which animal food
+is taken. 2nd. Once daily run the brush lightly two or
+three times over soap, then dip it in salt, and with it
+clean the teeth, working the brush up and down rather
+than&mdash;or as well as&mdash;backwards and forwards. This is
+a cheap, safe, and effectual dentrifice. 3rd. Eat freely
+of common cress, the sort used with mustard, under the
+name of small salad; it must be eaten with salt only.
+If thus used two or three days in succession it will effectually
+loosen tartar, even of long standing. The
+same effect is produced, though perhaps not in an equal
+degree, by eating strawberries and raspberries, especially
+the former. A leaf of common green sage rubbed on
+the teeth is useful both in cleansing and polishing, and
+probably many other common vegetable productions also.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Care of the Teeth.</span>&mdash;The water with which the teeth
+are cleansed should be what is called lukewarm. They
+should be well but gently brushed both night and morning;
+the brush should be neither too hard nor too soft.
+The best tooth-powders are made from cuttle-fish, prepared
+chalk, and orris-root commingled together in equal
+quantities.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Simple means of removing Tartar from the
+Teeth.</span>&mdash;In these summer months, tartar may be effectually
+removed from the teeth, by partaking daily of
+strawberries.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tooth Powder.</span>&mdash;Powdered orris-root, ½ an ounce;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_313" id="Pg_313">[313]</a></span>
+powdered charcoal, 2 ounces, powdered Peruvian bark,
+1 ounce; prepared chalk, ½ an ounce; oil of bergamot,
+or lavender, 20 drops. These ingredients must be well
+worked up in a mortar, until thoroughly incorporated.
+This celebrated tooth-powder possesses three essential
+virtues, giving an odorous breath, cleansing and purifying
+the gums, and preserving the enamel; the last rarely
+found in popular tooth-powders.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tooth-Powder.</span>&mdash;One of the best tooth-powders that
+can be used may be made by mixing together 1½ ounces
+prepared chalk, ½ ounce powder of bark, and ¼ ounce of
+camphor.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">A cheap but good Tooth-Powder.</span>&mdash;Cut a slice of
+bread as thick as may be, into squares, and burn in the
+fire until it becomes charcoal, after which pound in a
+mortar, and sift through a fine muslin; it is then ready
+for use.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Cheap and invaluable Dentifrice.</span>&mdash;Dissolve 2
+ounces of borax in three pints of water; before quite
+cold, add thereto one tea-spoonful of tincture of myrh,
+and one table-spoonful of spirits of camphor; bottle the
+mixture for use. One wine-glass of the solution, added
+to half a pint of tepid water, is sufficient for each application.
+This solution, applied daily, preserves and
+beautifies the teeth, extirpates all tartarous adhesion,
+produces a pearl-like whiteness, arrests decay, and induces
+a healthy action in the gums.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Invaluable Dentifrice.</span>&mdash;Dissolve two ounces of
+borax in three pints of boiling water; before quite cold,
+add one tea-spoonful of tincture of myrrh, and one table-spoonful
+of spirits of camphor; bottle the mixture for<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_314" id="Pg_314">[314]</a></span>
+use. One wine-glassful of this solution, added to half a
+pint of tepid water, is sufficient for each application.</p>
+
+<h3>FOR THE HAIR.</h3>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Loss of Hair.</span>&mdash;The most simple remedy for loss of
+hair, is friction to the scalp of the head, using for the
+purpose an old tooth-brush, or one of which the bristles
+have been softened by soaking in boiling water. The
+shape of the instrument adapts it to be inserted readily
+and effectually between the hair, where it should be
+rubbed backwards and forwards over the space of an
+inch or so at a time. In addition to the friction, which
+should be used once or twice a day, the head may be
+showered once a day with cold water, carefully drying it
+with soft, spongy towels.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Pomatum.</span>&mdash;Take of white mutton suet 4 pounds,
+well boiled in hot water, (3 quarts,) and washed to free
+it from salt. Melt the suet, when dried, with 1½ pounds
+of fresh lard, and 2 pounds of yellow wax. Pour into
+an earthen vessel, and stir till it is cold; then beat into
+it 30 drops of oil of cloves, or any other essential oil
+whose scent you prefer. If this kind of pomatum is too
+hard, use less wax.</p>
+
+<p>At times numbers of loose hairs come away in the
+brushing or combing. Such cases as these will generally
+be found remedial. Wilson recommends women with
+short hair to dip their heads into cold water every morning,
+and afterwards apply the brush until a glow of
+warmth is felt all over the scalp. Those who have long
+hair are to brush it till the skin beneath becomes red,
+when a lotion is to be applied, as here specified.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_315" id="Pg_315">[315]</a></span></p>
+
+<table cellspacing="2" summary="Recipe for Hair Lotion">
+<tr><td>Eau de Cologne</td> <td class="p-l2">2 oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Tincture of Cantharides</td> <td class="p-l2">½ oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Oil of Nutmegs</td> <td class="p-l2">½ drachm.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Oil of Lavender</td> <td class="p-l2">10 drops.</td></tr>
+</table>
+
+<p class="center">To be well mixed together.</p>
+
+<p>Another is composed of:&mdash;</p>
+
+<table cellspacing="2" summary="Another Recipe for Hair Lotion">
+<tr><td>Mezereon bark in small pieces</td> <td class="p-l2">1 oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Horse-Radish root in small pieces</td> <td class="p-l2">1 oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Boiling distilled Vinegar</td> <td class="p-l2">½ pint.</td></tr>
+</table>
+
+<p class="center">Let this infusion stand for a week, and then strain through
+muslin for use.</p>
+
+<p>If irritating to the skin, these lotions can be made
+weaker, or less frequently applied than might otherwise
+be necessary. Either of them, or distilled vinegar alone,
+may be rubbed into a bald patch with a tooth-brush.
+The same lotions may also be used if the hair is disposed
+to become gray too early; as they invigorate the apparatus
+situated beneath the skin, and enable it to take up
+coloring matter. Dyeing of the hair is a practice which
+ought never to be resorted to. Those who are unwilling or
+unable to discontinue the practice of applying some kind
+of dressing to the hair, should, at least, content themselves
+with a simple, yet good material. The best olive
+oil is most suitable for the purpose, scented with otto of
+roses or bergamot; the latter, as many persons know, is
+the essence of a species of mint. The same scents may
+also be used for pomatum, which should be made of perfectly
+pure lard, or marrow.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Hair Oils</span>, &amp;c.&mdash;When used moderately, oils, ointments,
+&amp;c., tend to strengthen the hair, especially when
+it is naturally dry. When used in excess, however, they<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_316" id="Pg_316">[316]</a></span>
+clog the pores, prevent the escape of the natural secretions,
+and cause the hair to wither and fall off. The varieties
+of "oils," "Greases," "ointments," rivaling each-other
+in their high sounding pretensions, which are daily
+imposed upon public credulity, are interminable. We
+add one or two of the most simple.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">For Thickening the Hair.</span>&mdash;To one ounce of Palma
+Christi oil, add a sufficient quantity of bergamot or lavender
+to scent it. Apply it to the parts where it is most
+needed, brushing it well into the hair.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">An Ointment for the Hair.</span>&mdash;Mix two ounces of
+bear's grease, half an ounce of honey, one drachm of
+laudanum, three drachms of the powder of southernwood,
+three drachms of the balsam of Peru, one and a half
+drachms of the ashes of the roots of bulrushes, and a
+small quantity of the oil of sweet almonds.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Macassar Oil.</span>&mdash;It is said to be compounded of the
+following ingredients:&mdash;To three quarts of common oil,
+add half-a-pint of spirits of wine, three ounces of cinnamon
+powder, and two ounces of bergamot; heat the
+whole in a large pipkin. On removing from the fire, add
+three or four small pieces of alkanet root, and keep the
+vessel closely covered for several hours. When cool, it
+may be filtered through a funnel lined with filtering
+paper.</p>
+
+<p>Whether oils are used or not, the hair ought night and
+morning to be carefully and elaborately brushed. This
+is one of the best preservatives of its beauty.</p>
+
+<p>The following is recommended as an excellent Hair
+Oil:&mdash;Boil together half-a-pint of port wine, one pint
+and a-half of sweet oil, and half-a-pound of green southernwood.
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_317" id="Pg_317">[317]</a></span>
+Strain the mixture through a linen rag several
+times; adding, at the last operation, two ounces of
+bear's grease. If fresh southernwood is added each time
+it passes through the linen, the composition will be improved.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Pomade Victoria.</span>&mdash;This highly-praised and excellent
+pomade is made in the following way&mdash;and if so
+made, will be found to give a beautiful gloss and softness
+to the hair:&mdash;Quarter of a-pound of honey and half-an-ounce
+of bees' wax simmered together for a few minutes
+and then strain. Add of oil of almonds, lavender, and
+thyme, half-a-drachm each. Be sure to continue stirring
+till quite cold, or the honey and wax will separate.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Lemon Pomatum.</span>&mdash;Best lard, two pounds; suet, half-a-pound;
+dissolve with a gentle heat, and mix them well
+together. Then add four ounces of orange-flower water,
+and four ounces of rose-water, and mix them well together
+before adding, or they will separate. Having
+done this, add a quarter of an ounce of essence of lemon;
+half-a-drachm of musk, and half-a-drachm of oil of
+thyme.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To color Pomatum.</span>&mdash;Yellow, by palm oil or annatto;
+red, by alkanet root; and green, by guaiacum, or the
+green leaves of parsley.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Bandoline for the Hair, (a French Receipt).</span>&mdash;To
+one quart of water put ½ ounce of quince pips, boil
+it nearly an hour, stirring it well, strain it through a fine
+muslin, let it stand twenty-four hours, and then add
+fourteen drops of the essential oil of almonds. A dessert-spoonful
+of brandy may be added, if required to
+keep a long time.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_318" id="Pg_318">[318]</a></span>
+<span class="smcap">Bandoline for the Hair.</span>&mdash;Take of castor oil, two
+ounces; spermaceti, one drachm; oil of bergamot, one
+drachm; mix with heat and strain; then beat in six
+drops otto of roses. If wished colored, add half-a-drachm
+of annatto.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Another.</span>&mdash;I furnish you with an excellent form of
+Bandoline, much more quickly made than others. Have
+a small packet of powdered gum dragon by you, and
+when you require any fresh bandoline, take a tea-spoonful
+of the powder, and pour enough of boiling water on
+it to make a small bottle full. Scent with otto of roses.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Curling Fluid.</span>&mdash;Place two pounds of common soap,
+cut small, into three pints of spirits of wine, with eight
+ounces of potash, and melt the whole, stirring it with a
+clean piece of wood. Add, on cooling, essence of amber,
+vanilla, and neroli, of each quarter of an ounce. The
+best method of keeping <em>ringlets</em> in curl, is the occasional
+application of the yolk of an egg, and the hair, afterwards,
+well washed in lukewarm water. Apply the egg
+with a tooth or hair-brush.</p>
+
+<h3>FOR THE LIPS.</h3>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Very excellent Lip-Salve.</span>&mdash;Take four ounces of
+butter, fresh from the churn, cut it small, put it into
+a jar, cover it with good rose-water, and let it remain
+for four or five days; then drain it well, and put it into
+a small and very clean saucepan, with one ounce of
+spermaceti, and one of yellow beeswax sliced thin, a
+quarter of an ounce of bruised alkanet root, two drachms
+of gum benzoin, and one of storax, beaten to powder,
+half an ounce of loaf sugar, and the strained juice of a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_319" id="Pg_319">[319]</a></span>
+moderate sized lemon. Simmer these gently, keeping
+them stirred all the time, until the mixture looks very
+clear, and sends forth a fine aromatic odour; then strain
+it through a thin doubled muslin, and stir to it from
+twelve to twenty drops of essential oil of roses, and pour
+it into small gallipots, from which it can easily be turned
+out when cold, and then be rubbed against the lips,
+which is the most pleasant way of using it, as it is much
+firmer than common lip-salve, and will be found more
+healing and infinitely more agreeable. When butter
+cannot be had direct from the churn, any which is quite
+fresh may be substituted for it, after the salt has been
+well washed and soaked out of it, by working it with a
+strong spoon in cold water, in which it should remain for
+a couple of days or more, the water being frequently
+changed during the time.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Rose Lip-Salve.</span>&mdash;8 ounces sweet almond oil, 4
+ounces prepared mutton suet, 1½ ounces white wax, 2
+ounces spermaceti, 20 drops otto; steep a small quantity
+of alkanet root in the oil, and strain before using. Melt
+the suet, wax, and spermaceti together, then add the coloric
+oil and otto.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Lip-Salves.</span>&mdash;A good lip-salve may be made as follows:&mdash;Take
+an ounce of the oil of sweet almonds, cold
+drawn; a drachm of fresh mutton suet; and a little
+bruised alkanet root: and simmer the whole together in
+an earthen pipkin. Instead of the oil of sweet almonds
+you may use oil of Jasmin, or oil of any other flower,
+if you intend the lip-salve to have a fragrant odour.&mdash;2.
+Take a pound of fresh butter; a quarter of a pound of
+beeswax; four or five ounces of cleansed black grapes,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_320" id="Pg_320">[320]</a></span>
+and about an ounce of bruised alkanet root. Simmer
+them together over a slow fire till the wax is wholly dissolved,
+and the mixture becomes of a bright red color;
+strain, and put it by for use. 3. Oil of almonds,
+spermaceti, white wax, and white sugar-candy, equal
+parts, form a good white lip-salve.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Superior Lip-Salve.</span>&mdash;White wax, two and a half
+ounces; spermaceti, three quarters of an ounce; oil of
+almonds, four ounces. Mix well together, and apply a
+little to the lips at night.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Another.</span>&mdash;A desert spoonful of salad oil in a saucer,
+hold it over a candle, and drop melted wax over it till
+the oil is thinly covered, when they are incorporated,
+pour it into boxes.&mdash;(Wax taper will do.)</p>
+
+<h3>FOR CORNS.</h3>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Cure for Corns.</span>&mdash;Place the feet for half an hour,
+two or three nights successively, in a pretty strong solution
+of common soda. The alkali dissolves the indurated
+cuticle, and the corn falls out spontaneously, leaving a
+small excavation, which soon fills up.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To remove Corns.</span>&mdash;Get four ounces of white diachylon
+plaster, four ounces of shoemaker's wax, and sixty
+drops of muriatic acid or spirits of salt. Boil them for
+a few minutes in an earthen pipkin, and when cold, roll
+the mass between the hands and apply a little on a piece
+of white leather.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">A certain Cure for Soft Corns.</span>&mdash;Dip a piece of
+soft linen rag in turpentine, and wrap it round the toe
+on which the soft corn is, night and morning; in a few<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_321" id="Pg_321">[321]</a></span>
+days the corn will disappear; but the relief is instantaneous.</p>
+
+<h3>PERFUMES.</h3>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To make Eau de Cologne.</span>&mdash;Rectified spirits of wine,
+four pints; oil of bergamot, one ounce; oil of lemon,
+half an ounce; oil of rosemary, half a drachm; oil of
+Neroli, three quarters of a drachm; oil of English lavender,
+one drachm; oil of oranges, one drachm. Mix
+well and then filter. If these proportions are too large,
+smaller ones may be used.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Eau de Cologne.</span>&mdash;Oil of neroli, citron, bergamot,
+orange, and rosemary, of each twelve drops; cardamom
+seeds, one drachm; spirits of wine, one pint. Let it
+stand for a week.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Lavender Water.</span>&mdash;Oil of lavender, 2 drachms; oil
+of bergamot, ½ drachm; essence of musk, 1 drachm;
+spirits of wine, 13 ounces; water, 5 ounces. Let it
+stand for a week.</p>
+
+<h3>FOR KEEPING THE WARDROBE IN ORDER.</h3>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Clean Kid Gloves.</span>&mdash;Make a strong lather with
+curd soap and warm water, in which steep a small piece
+of new flannel. Place the glove on a flat, clean, and
+unyielding surface&mdash;such as the bottom of a dish, and
+having thoroughly soaped the flannel (when squeezed
+from the lather), rub the kid till all dirt be removed,
+cleaning and resoaping the flannel from time to time.
+Care must be taken to omit no part of the glove, by
+turning the fingers, &amp;c. The gloves must be dried in
+the sun, or before a moderate fire, and will present the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_322" id="Pg_322">[322]</a></span>
+appearance of old parchment. When quite dry, they
+must be gradually "pulled out," and will look new.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Another.</span>&mdash;First see that your hands are clean, then
+put on the gloves and wash them, as though you were
+washing your hands, in a basin of spirits of turpentine,
+until quite clean; then hang them up in a warm place,
+or where there is a good current of air, which will carry
+off all smell of the turpentine. This method was brought
+from Paris, and thousands of dollars have been made by
+it.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Clean Colored Kid Gloves.</span>&mdash;Have ready on a
+table a clean towel, folded three or four times, a saucer
+of new milk, and another saucer with a piece of brown
+soap. Take one glove at a time, and spread it smoothly
+on the folded towel. Then dip in the milk a piece of
+clean flannel, rub it on the soap till you get off a tolerable
+quantity, and then, with the wet flannel, commence
+rubbing the glove. Begin at the wrist, and rub lengthways
+towards the end of the fingers, holding the glove
+firmly in your right-hand. Continue this process until
+the glove is well cleaned all over with the milk and soap.
+When done, spread them out, and pin them on a line to
+dry gradually. When nearly dry, pull them out evenly,
+the crossway of the leather. When quite dry, stretch
+them on your hands. White kid gloves may also be
+washed in this manner, provided they have never been
+cleaned with India-rubber.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Clean White or Colored Kid Gloves.</span>&mdash;Put
+the glove on your hand, then take a small piece of flannel,
+dip it in camphene, and well, but gently, rub it over
+the glove, <em>taking care not to make it too wet</em>, when the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_323" id="Pg_323">[323]</a></span>
+dirt is removed, dip the flannel (or another piece if that
+is become too dirty) into pipe-clay and rub it over the
+glove; take it off, and hang it up in a room to dry, and
+in a day or two very little smell will remain; and if
+done carefully they will be almost as good as new. In
+colored ones, if yellow, use gamboge after the pipe-clay,
+and for other colors match it in dry paint.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Clean White Kid Gloves.</span>&mdash;Stretch the gloves
+on a clean board, and rub all the soiled or grease-spots
+with cream of tartar or magnesia. Let them rest an
+hour. Then have ready a mixture of alum and Fuller's
+earth (both powdered), and rub it all over the gloves
+with a brush (a clean tooth-brush or something similar),
+and let them rest for an hour or two. Then sweep it all
+off, and go over them with a flannel dipped in a mixture
+of bran and finely powdered whiting. Let them rest another
+hour; then brush off the powder, and you will find
+them clean.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Clean Light Kid Gloves.</span>&mdash;Put on one glove,
+and having made a strong lather with common brown
+soap, apply it with a shaving brush, wiping it off immediately
+with a clean towel, then blow into the glove, and
+leave it to dry.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">An excellent Paste for Gloves.</span>&mdash;Liquor of ammonia
+half an ounce, chloride of potash ten ounces, curd
+soap one pound, water half a pint; dissolve the soap in
+the water, with a gentle heat, then as the mixture cools,
+stir in the other ingredients. Use it, by rubbing it over
+the gloves until the dirt is removed.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Wash Thread Lace.</span>&mdash;Rip off the lace, carefully
+pick out the loose bits of thread, and roll the lace very<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_324" id="Pg_324">[324]</a></span>
+smoothly and securely round a clean black bottle, previously
+covered with old white linen, sewed tightly on.
+Tack each end of the lace with a needle and thread, to
+keep it smooth; and be careful in wrapping not to crumple
+or fold in any of the scallops or pearlings. After it is on
+the bottle, take some of the <em>best</em> sweet oil and with a
+clean sponge wet the lace thoroughly to the inmost folds.
+Have ready in a wash-kettle, a strong <em>cold</em> lather of clear
+water and white Castile soap. Fill the bottle with cold
+water, to prevent its bursting, cork it well, and stand it
+upright in the suds, with a string round the neck secured
+to the ears or handle of the kettle, to prevent its knocking
+about and breaking while over the fire. Let it boil
+in the suds for an hour or more, till the lace is clean and
+white all through. Drain off the suds, and dry it on the
+bottle in the sun. When dry, remove the lace from the
+bottle and roll it round a wide ribbon-block; or lay it
+in long folds, place it within a sheet of smooth, white,
+paper, and press it in a large book for a few days.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Wash a White Lace Veil.</span>&mdash;Put the veil into a
+strong lather of white soap and very clear water, and
+let it simmer slowly for a quarter of an hour. Take it
+out and squeeze it well, but be sure not to rub it. Rinse
+it in two cold waters, with a drop or two of liquid blue
+in the last. Have ready some very clear and weak gum-arabic
+water, or some thin starch, or rice-water. Pass
+the veil through it, and clear it by clapping. Then
+stretch it out even, and pin it to dry on a linen cloth,
+making the edge as straight as possible, opening out all
+the scallops, and fastening each with pins. When dry,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_325" id="Pg_325">[325]</a></span>
+lay a piece of thin muslin smoothly over it, and iron it
+on the wrong side.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Wash a Black Lace Veil.</span>&mdash;Mix bullock's gall
+with sufficient hot water to make it as warm as you can
+bear your hand in. Then pass the veil through it. It
+must be squeezed, and not rubbed. It will be well to
+perfume the gall with a little musk. Next rinse the veil
+through two cold waters, tinging the last with indigo.
+Then dry it. Have ready in a pan some stiffening made
+by pouring boiling water on a very small piece of glue.
+Pat the veil into it, squeeze it out, stretch it, and clap
+it. Afterwards pin it out to dry on a linen cloth, making
+it very straight and even, and taking care to open
+and pin the edge very nicely. When dry, iron it on the
+wrong side, having laid a linen cloth over the ironing-blanket.
+Any article of black lace may be washed in
+this manner.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Clean White Satin and Flowered Silks.</span>&mdash;1.
+Mix sifted stale bread crumbs with powder blue, and rub
+it thoroughly all over, then shake it well, and dust it
+with clean, soft cloths. Afterwards, where there are any
+gold or silver flowers, take a piece of crimson ingrain
+velvet, rub the flowers with it, which will restore them to
+their original lustre. 2. Pass them through a solution
+of fine hard soap, at a hand heat, drawing them through
+the hand. Rinse in lukewarm water, dry and finish by
+pinning out. Brush the flossy or bright side with a
+clean clothes-brush, the way of the nap. Finish them
+by dipping a sponge into a size, made by boiling isinglass
+in water, and rub the wrong side. Rinse out a
+second time, and brush, and dry near a fire, or in a warm<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_326" id="Pg_326">[326]</a></span>
+room. Silks may be treated in the same way, but not
+brushed.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Clean White Silk.</span>&mdash;Dissolve some of the best
+curd soap in boiling water, and when the solution is as
+hot as the hand can bear, pass the silk through it
+thoroughly, handling it gently, not to injure the texture.
+If there are any spots, these may be rubbed carefully
+until they disappear. The article must then be rinsed
+in lukewarm water.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Iron Silk.</span>&mdash;Silk cannot be ironed smoothly, so as
+to press out all the creases, without first sprinkling it
+with water, and rolling it up tightly in a towel, letting it
+rest for an hour or two. If the iron is in the least too
+hot, it will injure the color, and it should first be tried
+on an old piece of the same silk.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Wash Silk.</span>&mdash;Half a pint of gin, four ounces of
+soft soap, and two ounces of honey, well shaken; then
+rub the silk, with a sponge (wetted with the above mixture),
+upon a table, and wash through two waters, in
+which first put two or three spoonfuls of ox gall, which
+will brighten the colors, and prevent their running. The
+silks should not be wrung, but well shaken and hung up
+smoothly to dry, and mangled while damp. The writer
+has had <em>green</em> silk dresses washed by this receipt, and
+they have looked as well as new.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Renovate Black Silk.</span>&mdash;Slice some uncooked
+potatoes, pour boiling water on them; when cold sponge
+the right side of the silk with it, and iron on the wrong.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Keep Silk.</span>&mdash;Silk articles should not be kept
+folded in white paper, as the chloride of lime used in
+bleaching the paper will probably impair the color of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_327" id="Pg_327">[327]</a></span>
+silk. Brown or blue paper is better&mdash;the yellowish
+smooth India paper is best of all. Silk intended for a
+dress should not be kept in the house long before it is
+made up, as lying in the folds will have a tendency to
+impair its durability by causing it to cut or split, particularly
+if the silk has been thickened by gum. We knew
+an instance of a very elegant and costly thread-lace veil
+being found, on its arrival from France, cut into squares
+(and therefore destroyed) by being folded over a pasteboard
+card. A white satin dress should be pinned up in
+blue paper, with coarse brown paper outside, sewed together
+at the edges.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Restore Velvet.</span>&mdash;When velvet gets plushed
+from pressure, holding the reverse side over a basin of
+boiling water will raise the pile, and perhaps it may also
+succeed in the case of wet from rain.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Iron Velvet.</span>&mdash;Having ripped the velvet apart,
+damp each piece separately, and holding it tightly in
+both hands, stretch it before the fire, the wrong side of
+the velvet being towards the fire. This will remove the
+creases, and give the surface of the material a fresh and
+new appearance. Velvet cannot be ironed on a table,
+for, when spread out on a hard substance, the iron will
+not go smoothly over the pile.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Clean Ermine and Minivar Fur.</span>&mdash;Take a piece
+of soft flannel, and rub the fur well with it (but remember
+that the rubbing must be always against the grain);
+then rub the fur with common flour until clean. Shake
+it well, and rub again with the flannel till all the flour is
+out of it. I have had a Minivar boa for four years. It
+has never been cleaned with anything but flour, and is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_328" id="Pg_328">[328]</a></span>
+not in the least injured by the rubbing. It was a school
+companion who told me that her aunt (a Russian lady)
+always cleaned her white furs with flour, and that they
+looked quite beautiful. It has one advantage&mdash;the lining
+does not require to be taken out, and it only requires a
+little trouble. Ermine takes longer than Minivar. The
+latter is very easily done.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Perfume Linen.</span>&mdash;Rose-leaves dried in the shade,
+or at about four feet from a stove, one pound; cloves,
+carraway-seeds, and allspice, of each one ounce; pound
+in a mortar, or grind in a mill; dried salt, a quarter of
+a pound; mix all these together, and put the compound
+into little bags.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Restore Scorched Linen.</span>&mdash;Take two onions,
+peel and slice them, and extract the juice by squeezing
+or pounding. Then cut up half an ounce of white soap,
+and two ounces of fuller's earth; mix with them the
+onion juice, and half a pint of vinegar. Boil this composition
+well, and spread it, when cool, over the scorched
+part of the linen, leaving it to dry thereon. Afterwards
+wash out the linen.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Whiten Linen that has turned Yellow.</span>&mdash;Cut
+up a pound of fine white soap into a gallon of milk, and
+hang it over the fire in a wash-kettle. When the soap
+has entirely melted, put in the linen, and boil it half an
+hour. Then take it out; have ready a lather of soap
+and warm water; wash the linen in it, and then rinse it
+through two cold waters, with a very little blue in the
+last.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Wash China Crape Scarfs</span>, &amp;c.&mdash;If the fabric
+be good, these articles of dress can be washed as frequently
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_329" id="Pg_329">[329]</a></span>
+as may be required, and no diminution of their
+beauty will be discoverable, even when the various shades
+of green have been employed among other colors in the
+patterns. In cleaning them, make a strong lather of
+boiling water&mdash;suffer it to cool; when cold, or nearly so,
+wash the scarf quickly and thoroughly, dip it immediately
+in cold hard water, in which a little salt has been
+thrown (to preserve the colors), rinse, squeeze, and hang
+it out to dry in the open air; pin it at its extreme edge
+to the line, so that it may not in any part be folded
+together; the more rapidly it dries, the clearer it will
+be.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Clean Embroidery and Gold Lace.</span>&mdash;For this
+purpose no alkaline liquors are to be used; for while
+they clean the gold, they corrode the silk, and change
+its color. Soap also alters the shade, and even the species
+of certain colors. But spirit of wine may be used
+without any danger of its injuring either color or quality;
+and, in many cases, proves as effectual for restoring the
+lustre of the gold as the corrosive detergents. But,
+though spirits of wine is the most innocent material employed
+for this purpose, it is not in all cases proper.
+The golden covering may be in some parts worn off; or
+the base metal with which it has been alloyed may be
+corroded by the air, so as to leave the particles of the
+gold disunited; while the silver underneath, tarnished to
+a yellow hue, may continue a tolerable color to the whole,
+so it is apparent that the removal of the tarnish would
+be prejudicial, and make the lace or embroidery less like
+gold than it was before. It is necessary that care should
+be taken.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_330" id="Pg_330">[330]</a></span>
+<span class="smcap">To Remove Stains of Wine or Fruit from Table
+Linen.</span>&mdash;A wine stain may sometimes be removed by
+rubbing it, while wet, with common salt. It is said, also,
+that sherry wine poured immediately on a place where
+port wine has been spilled, will prevent its leaving a
+stain. A <em>certain</em> way of extracting fruit or wine stains
+from table-linen is to tie up some cream of tartar in the
+stained part (so as to form a sort of bag), and then to
+put the linen into a lather of soap and cold water, and
+boil it awhile. Then transfer it wet to a lukewarm suds,
+wash and rinse it well, and dry and iron it. The stains
+will disappear during the process. Another way, is to
+mix, in equal quantities, soft soap, slackened lime, and
+pearl-ash. Rub the stain with this preparation, and expose
+the linen to the sun with the mixture plastered on
+it. If necessary, repeat the application. As soon as
+the stain has disappeared, wash out the linen immediately,
+as it will be injured if the mixture is left in it.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Stain Mixture.</span>&mdash;Take an ounce of sal-ammoniac
+(or hartshorn) and an ounce of salt of tartar&mdash;mix them
+well, put them into a pint of soft water, and bottle it for
+use, keeping it very tightly corked. Pour a little of
+this liquid into a saucer, and wash in it those parts of a
+white article that have been stained with ink, mildew,
+fruit, or red wine. When the stains have, by this process,
+been removed, wash the article in the usual manner.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Chemical Renovating Balls</span>&mdash;for taking out grease,
+paint, pitch, tar, from silks, stuffs, linen, woolen, carpets,
+hats, coats, &amp;c., without fading the color or injuring
+the cloth:&mdash;¼ ounce of fuller's earth, ¼ ounce of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_331" id="Pg_331">[331]</a></span>
+pipe-clay, 1 ounce salt of tartar, 1 ounce beef gall, 1
+ounce spirits of wine. Pound the hard parts and mix
+the ingredients well together. Wet the stain with cold
+water, rub it well with this ball, then sponge it with a
+wet sponge and the stain will disappear.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Prevent Colored Things from Running.</span>&mdash;Boil
+¼ pound of soap till nearly dissolved, then add a small
+piece of alum and boil with it. Wash the things in this
+lather, but do not soap them. If they require a second
+water put alum to that also as well as to the rinsing and
+blue water. This will preserve them.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Remove Stains from Mourning Dresses.</span>&mdash;Take
+a good handful of fig-leaves, and boil them in two quarts
+of water until reduced to a pint. Squeeze the leaves
+and put the liquor into a bottle for use. The articles,
+whether of bombasin, crape, cloth, &amp;c., need only be
+rubbed with a sponge dipped in the liquor, when the effect
+will be instantly produced. If any reason exists to
+prevent the substance from being wetted, then apply
+French chalk, which will absorb the grease from the
+finest texture without injury.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Shrink New Flannel.</span>&mdash;New flannel should always
+be shrunk or washed before it is made up, that it
+may be cut out more accurately, and that the grease
+which is used in manufacturing it may be extracted.
+First, cut off the list along the selvage edges of the
+whole piece. Then put it into warm (not boiling) water,
+without soap. Begin at one end of the piece, and rub
+it with both hands till you come to the other end; this
+is to get out the grease and the blue with which new
+white flannel is always tinged. Then do the same<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_332" id="Pg_332">[332]</a></span>
+through another water. Rinse it through a clean, lukewarm
+water; wring it lengthways, and stretch it well.
+In hanging it out on a line do not suspend it in festoons,
+but spread it along the line straight and lengthways. If
+dried in festoons, the edges will be in great scollops,
+making it very difficult to cut out. It must be dried in
+the sun. When dry let it be stretched even, clapped
+with the hands, and rolled up tight and smoothly, till
+wanted.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Gum Arabic Starch.</span>&mdash;Get two ounces of fine, white
+gum arabic, and pound it to powder. Next put it into
+a pitcher, and pour on it a pint or more of boiling water
+(according to the degree of strength you desire), and
+then, having covered it, let it set all night. In the
+morning, pour it carefully from the dregs into a clean
+bottle, cork it, and keep it for use. A table-spoonful
+of gum water stirred into a pint of starch that has been
+made in the usual manner, will give to lawns (either
+white or printed) a look of newness to which nothing
+else can restore them after washing. It is also good
+(much diluted) for thin white muslin and bobinet.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Wash White Thread Gloves and Stockings.</span>&mdash;These
+articles are so delicate as to require great care in
+washing, and they must not on any account be rubbed.
+Make a lather of white soap and <em>cold</em> water, and put it
+into a saucepan. Soap the gloves or stockings well, put
+them in, and set the saucepan over the fire. When they
+have come to a hard boil, take them off, and when cool
+enough for your hand, squeeze them in the water.
+Having prepared a fresh cold lather, boil them again in
+that. Then take the pan off the fire, and squeeze them<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_333" id="Pg_333">[333]</a></span>
+well again, after which they can be stretched, dried, and
+then ironed on the wrong side.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Clean Silk Stockings.</span>&mdash;First wash the stockings
+in the usual manner, to take out the rough dirt.
+After rinsing them in clean water, wash them well in a
+fresh soap liquor. Then make a third soap liquor, which
+color with a little stone-blue; then wash the stockings
+once more, take them out, wring them, and particularly
+dry them. Now stove them with brimstone, and draw
+on a wooden leg two stockings, one upon the other, observing
+that the two fronts or outsides are face to face.
+Polish with a glass bottle. The two first liquors should
+be only lukewarm, but the third as hot as you can bear
+your hand in. Blondes and gauzes may be whitened in
+the same manner, but there should be a little gum put in
+the last liquor before they are stoved.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Take out Mildew from Clothes.</span>&mdash;Mix some
+soft soap with powdered starch, half as much salt, and
+the juice of a lemon, lay it on the part with a brush, let
+it be exposed in the air day and night, until the stain
+disappears. Iron-moulds may be removed by the salt
+of lemons. Many stains in linen may be taken out by
+dipping linen in sour buttermilk, and then drying it in
+the sun; afterwards wash it in cold water several times.
+Stains caused by acids may be removed by tying some
+pearlash up in the stained part; scrape some soap in
+cold, soft water, and boil the linen till the stain is out.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Bleaching Straw.</span>&mdash;Straw is bleached, and straw
+bonnets cleaned, by putting them into a cask into
+which a few brimstone matches are placed lighted. The
+fumes of the sulphur have the effect of destroying the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_334" id="Pg_334">[334]</a></span>
+color, or whitening the straw. The same effect may be
+produced by dipping the straw into the chloride of lime
+dissolved in water.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Wash Mouseline-de-Laine.</span>&mdash;Boil a pound of
+rice in five quarts of water, and, when cool enough, wash
+in this, using the rice for soap. Have another quantity
+ready, but strain the rice from this and use it with warm
+water, keeping the rice strained off for a third washing
+which, at the same time, stiffens and also brightens the
+colors.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Bleach a Faded Dress.</span>&mdash;Wash the dress in hot
+suds, and boil it until the color appears to be gone; then
+rinse it and dry it in the sun. Should it not be rendered
+white by these means, lay the dress in the open air, and
+bleach it for several days. If still not quite white, repeat
+the boiling.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Indelible Marking Ink, without Preparation.</span>&mdash;1½
+drachms nitrate of silver (lunar caustic), 1 ounce distilled
+water, ½ ounce strong mucilage of gum arabic, ¾
+drachm liquid ammonia; mix the above in a clean glass
+bottle, cork tightly, and keep in a dark place till dissolved,
+and ever afterwards. Directions for use:&mdash;Shake
+the bottle, then dip a clean quill pen in the ink, and
+write or draw what you require on the article; immediately
+hold it close to the fire, (without scorching) or pass
+a hot iron over it, and it will become a deep and indelible
+black, indestructible by either time or acids of any
+description.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mixture for Removing Ink Stains and Iron-Moulds.</span>&mdash;Cream
+of tartar and salts of sorrel, one
+ounce each; mix well, and keep in a stoppered bottle.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_335" id="Pg_335">[335]</a></span>
+<span class="smcap">To Wash Hair-Brushes.</span>&mdash;Never use soap. Take a
+piece of soda, dissolve it in warm water, stand the brush
+in it, taking care that the water only covers the bristles;
+it will almost immediately become white and clean;
+stand it to dry in the open air with the bristles downwards,
+and it will be found to be as firm as a new brush.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Clean Head and Clothes-Brushes.</span>&mdash;Put a
+table-spoonful of pearl-ash into a pint of boiling water.
+Having fastened a bit of sponge to the end of a stick,
+dip it into the solution, and wash the brush with it;
+carefully going in among the bristles. Next pour over
+it some clean hot water, and let it lie a little while.
+Then drain it, wipe it with a cloth, and dry it before the
+fire.</p>
+
+<p>Lola Montez in her "Arts of Beauty" gives the following
+receipts for complexion, hair, &amp;c:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">For the Complexion.</span>&mdash;"Infuse wheat-bran, well
+sifted, for four hours in white wine vinegar, add to it five
+yolks of eggs and two grains of ambergris, and distill
+the whole. It should be carefully corked for twelve or
+fifteen days, when it will be fit for use.</p>
+
+<p>"Distill two handfuls of jessamine flowers in a quart
+of rose-water and a quart of orange-water. Strain
+through porous paper, and add a scruple of musk and a
+scruple of ambergris."</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To give Elasticity of Form.</span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<table cellspacing="2" summary="Recipe for Skin Cream">
+<tr><td>"Fat of the stag or deer</td> <td class="p-l2">8 oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Florence oil (or olive oil)</td> <td class="p-l2">6 oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Virgin wax</td> <td class="p-l2">3 oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Musk</td> <td class="p-l2">1 grain.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>White brandy</td> <td class="p-l2">½ pint.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Rose-water</td> <td class="p-l2">4 oz.</td></tr>
+</table>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_336" id="Pg_336">[336]</a></span>
+"Put the fat, oil, and wax into a well glazed earthen
+vessel, and let them simmer over a slow fire until they
+are assimilated; then pour in the other ingredients, and
+let the whole gradually cool, when it will be fit for use.
+There is no doubt but that this mixture, frequently and
+thoroughly rubbed upon the body on going to bed, will
+impart a remarkable degree of elasticity to the muscles.
+In the morning, after this preparation has been used,
+the body should be thoroughly wiped with a sponge,
+dampened with cold water."</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">For the Complexion.</span>&mdash;"Take equal parts of the
+seeds of the melon, pumpkin, gourd, and cucumber,
+pounded till they are reduced to powder; add to it sufficient
+fresh cream to dilute the flour, and then add milk
+enough to reduce the whole to a thin paste. Add a
+grain of musk, and a few drops of the oil of lemon.
+Anoint the face with this, leave it on twenty or thirty
+minutes, or overnight if convenient, and wash off with
+warm water. It gives a remarkable purity and brightness
+to the complexion.</p>
+
+<p>"Infuse a handful of well sifted wheat bran for four
+hours in white wine vinegar; add to it five yolks of eggs
+and two grains of musk, and distill the whole. Bottle
+it, keep carefully corked fifteen days, when it will be fit
+for use. Apply it over night, and wash in the morning
+with tepid water."</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tooth-Powder.</span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<table cellspacing="2" summary="Recipe for Tooth Powder">
+<tr><td>"Prepared chalk</td> <td class="p-l2">6 oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Cassia powder</td> <td class="p-l2">½ oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Orris-root</td> <td class="p-l2">1 oz.</td></tr>
+</table>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_337" id="Pg_337">[337]</a></span>
+"These should be thoroughly mixed and used once a
+day with a firm brush.</p>
+
+<p>"A simple mixture of charcoal and cream of tartar is
+an excellent tooth-powder."</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">To Whiten the Hand.</span>&mdash;"Both Spanish and French
+women&mdash;those, at least, who are very particular to make
+the most of these charms&mdash;are in the habit of sleeping
+in gloves which are lined or plastered over with a kind
+of pomade to improve the delicacy and complexion of
+their hands. This paste is generally made of the following
+ingredients:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Take half a pound of soft soap, a gill of salad oil,
+an ounce of mutton tallow, and boil them till they are
+thoroughly mixed. After the boiling has ceased, but
+before it is cold, add one gill of spirits of wine, and a
+grain of musk.</p>
+
+<p>"If any lady wishes to try this, she can buy a pair of
+gloves three or four sizes larger than the hand, rip them
+open and spread on a thin layer of the paste, and then
+sew the gloves up again. There is no doubt that by
+wearing them every night they will give smoothness and
+a fine complexion to the hands. Those who have the
+means, can send to Paris and purchase them ready
+made.</p>
+
+<p>"If the hands are inclined to be rough and to chap,
+the following wash will remedy the evil.</p>
+
+<table cellspacing="2" summary="Recipe for Treatment for Chapped Hands">
+<tr><td>Lemon-juice</td> <td class="p-l2">3 oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>White wine vinegar</td> <td class="p-l2">3 oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>White brandy</td> <td class="p-l2">½ pint."</td></tr>
+</table>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">For the Hair.</span>&mdash;"Beat up the white of four eggs
+into a froth, and rub that thoroughly in close to the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_338" id="Pg_338">[338]</a></span>
+roots of the hair. Leave it to dry on. Then wash the
+head and hair clean with a mixture of equal parts of rum
+and rose-water."</p>
+
+<p>"<span class="smcap">Honey-Water.</span>&mdash;</p>
+
+<table cellspacing="2" summary="Recipe for Honey Water">
+<tr><td>"Essence of ambergris</td> <td class="p-l2">1 dr.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Essence of musk</td> <td class="p-l2">1 dr.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Essence of bergamot</td> <td class="p-l2">2 drs.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Oil of cloves</td> <td class="p-l1">15 drops.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Orange-flower water</td> <td class="p-l2">4 oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Spirits of wine</td> <td class="p-l2">5 oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Distilled water</td> <td class="p-l2">4 oz.</td></tr>
+</table>
+
+<p>"All these ingredients should be mixed together, and
+left about fourteen days, then the whole to be filtered
+through porous paper, and bottled for use.</p>
+
+<p>"This is a good hair-wash and an excellent perfume."</p>
+
+<p>"<span class="smcap">To Remove Pimples.</span>&mdash;There are many kinds of
+pimples, some of which partake almost of the nature of
+ulcers, which require medical treatment; but the small
+red pimple, which is most common, may be removed by
+applying the following twice a-day:&mdash;</p>
+
+<table cellspacing="2" summary="Recipe for Pimple Treatment">
+<tr><td>"Sulphur water</td> <td class="p-l2">1 oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Acetated liquor of ammonia</td> <td class="p-l2">¼ oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Liquor of potassa</td> <td class="p-l2">1 gr.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>White wine vinegar</td> <td class="p-l2">2 oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Distilled water</td> <td class="p-l2">2 oz."</td></tr>
+</table>
+
+<p>"<span class="smcap">To Remove Black Specks or 'Fleshworms.'</span>&mdash;Sometimes
+little black specks appear about the base of
+the nose, or on the forehead, or in the hollow of the chin
+which are called 'fleshworms,' and are occasioned by coagulated
+lymph that obstructs the pores of the skin.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_339" id="Pg_339">[339]</a></span>
+They may be squeezed out by pressing the skin, and ignorant
+persons suppose them to be little worms. They
+are permanently removed by washing with warm water,
+and severe friction with a towel, and then applying a little
+of the following preparation:&mdash;</p>
+
+<table cellspacing="2" summary="Recipe for Black Speck Treatment">
+<tr><td>"Liquor of potassa</td> <td class="p-l2">1 oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Cologne</td> <td class="p-l2">2 oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>White brandy.</td> <td class="p-l2">4 oz.</td></tr>
+</table>
+
+<p>"The warm water and friction alone are sometimes
+sufficient."</p>
+
+<p>"<span class="smcap">To Remove Freckles.</span>&mdash;The most celebrated compound
+ever used for the removal of freckles was called
+Unction de Maintenon, after the celebrated Madame de
+Maintenon, mistress and wife of Louis XIV. It is made
+as follows:&mdash;</p>
+
+<table cellspacing="2" summary="Recipe to Remove Freckles">
+<tr><td>"Venice soap</td> <td class="p-l2">1 oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Lemon-juice</td> <td class="p-l2">½ oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Oil of bitter almonds</td> <td class="p-l2">¼ oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Deliquidated oil of tartar</td> <td class="p-l2">¼ oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Oil of rhodium</td> <td class="p-l2">3 drops</td></tr>
+</table>
+
+<p>"First dissolve the soap in the lemon-juice, then add
+the two oils, and place the whole in the sun till it acquires
+the consistence of ointment, and then add the oil
+of rhodium. Anoint the freckly face at night with this
+unction, and wash in the morning with pure water, or,
+if convenient, with a mixture of elder-flower and rose-water.</p>
+
+<p>"<span class="smcap">To Remove Tan.</span>&mdash;An excellent wash to remove
+tan is called Crème de l'Enclos, and is made thus:</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Pg_340" id="Pg_340">[340]</a></span></p>
+
+<table cellspacing="2" summary="Recipe to Remove Tan">
+<tr><td>"New milk</td> <td class="p-l2">½ pint.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Lemon-juice</td> <td class="p-l2">¼ oz.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>White brandy</td> <td class="p-l2">½ oz.</td></tr>
+</table>
+
+<p>"Boil the whole, and skim it clear from all scum.
+Use it night and morning.</p>
+
+<p>"A famous preparation with the Spanish ladies for removing
+the effects of the sun and making the complexion
+bright, is composed simply of equal parts of lemon-juice
+and the white of eggs. The whole is beat together in a
+varnished earthen pot, and set over a slow fire, and
+stirred with a wooden spoon till it acquires the consistence
+of soft pomatum. This compound is called Pommade
+de Seville. If the face is well washed with rice-water
+before it is applied, it will remove freckles, and
+give a fine lustre to the complexion."</p>
+
+<div id="footnotes">
+<h2>Footnotes:</h2>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><span class="fnlabel"><a name="Footnote_A_1" id="Footnote_A_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_A_1">[A]</a></span> For further particulars, see chapter on <a href="#CHPTR_XXIV">Bridal Etiquette</a>.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><span class="fnlabel"><a name="Footnote_B_2" id="Footnote_B_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_B_2">[B]</a></span> "The Sick-Room," by Dr. A. T. Thomson.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><span class="fnlabel"><a name="Footnote_C_3" id="Footnote_C_3"></a><a href="#FNanchor_C_3">[C]</a></span> Dr. Combe.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><span class="fnlabel"><a name="Footnote_D_4" id="Footnote_D_4"></a><a href="#FNanchor_D_4">[D]</a></span> Dr. Combe.</p></div>
+</div>
+
+<div id="tn">
+<h2>Transcriber's Note:</h2>
+
+<p>Minor punctuation errors (e.g. missing, misprinted or misplaced
+punctuation) have been corrected without note. Inconsistent hyphenation
+(e.g. ball room, ball-room; bon-bons, bonbons), spelling (e.g.
+visiters, visitors) and capitalization (e.g. neroli, Neroli) have
+not been corrected.</p>
+
+<p>Many of the "Receipts" are nearly identical. This has not been changed.</p>
+
+<p>The following changes were made to the text:</p>
+
+<div id="corr">
+<p><a href="#Pg_31">p. 31</a>: admissable to admissible (black lace mittens are admissible)</p>
+<p>p. <a href="#Pg_44">44</a> and <a href="#Pg_45">45</a>: soiree to soirée</p>
+<p><a href="#Pg_45">p. 45</a>: oclock to o'clock (Thursday evening next, at 8 o'clock)</p>
+<p><a href="#Pg_137">p. 137</a>: left to right (On the upper right hand corner of your envelope)</p>
+<p><a href="#Pg_160">p. 160</a>: violincello to violoncello (a piano, violin, and violoncello)</p>
+<p><a href="#Pg_203">p. 203</a>: á to à (<i>à troistemps</i>)</p>
+<p><a href="#Pg_204">p. 204</a>: missing "of" added (the most graceful of dances)</p>
+<p><a href="#Pg_214">p. 214</a>: guaze to gauze (with a gauze of a different color)</p>
+<p><a href="#Pg_221">p. 221</a>: kneedles to needles (needles should be of the smallest size)</p>
+<p><a href="#Pg_235">p. 235</a>: extra close quote removed (entered that house.)</p>
+<p><a href="#Pg_244">p. 244</a>: extra "the" removed (in the highest and lowest classes)</p>
+<p><a href="#Pg_260">p. 260</a>: returnes to returns (she returns from her bridal tour)</p>
+<p><a href="#Pg_278">p. 278</a>: double quotes to single quotes ('Appetite,' says Dr.
+Combe, 'revives after repose.')</p>
+<p><a href="#Pg_305">p. 305</a>: extra "a" removed (containing a mixture in equal portions)</p>
+<p><a href="#Pg_307">p. 307</a>: <span class="smcap">Créme</span> to <span class="smcap">Crème</span>
+(<span class="smcap">Crème de l'Enclos.</span>)</p>
+<p><a href="#Pg_318">p. 318</a>: extra "of" removed (four ounces of butter)</p>
+<p><a href="#Pg_326">p. 326</a>: inpair to impair (impair the color)</p>
+<p><a href="#Pg_339">p. 339</a>: Crême to Crème (is called Crème de l'Enclos)</p>
+<p><a href="#Pg_340">p. 340</a>: acquired to acquires (till it acquires)</p>
+</div>
+</div>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and
+Manual of Politeness, by Florence Hartley
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE ***
+
+***** This file should be named 35123-h.htm or 35123-h.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+ https://www.gutenberg.org/3/5/1/2/35123/
+
+Produced by Julia Miller, S.D., and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by The
+Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries)
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+https://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See
+paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works. See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+ the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+ you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is
+ owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+ has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+ Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments
+ must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+ prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+ returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+ sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+ address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+ the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+ you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+ does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+ License. You must require such a user to return or
+ destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+ and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+ Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+ money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+ electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+ of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+ distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+https://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at https://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+ Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+ Chief Executive and Director
+ gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit https://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including including checks, online payments and credit card
+donations. To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+ https://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
+
+
+</pre>
+
+</body>
+</html>
diff --git a/35123.txt b/35123.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..72a5af0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35123.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,9726 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and Manual
+of Politeness, by Florence Hartley
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness
+ A Complete Hand Book for the Use of the Lady in Polite Society
+
+Author: Florence Hartley
+
+Release Date: January 30, 2011 [EBook #35123]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Julia Miller, S.D., and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by The
+Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+ THE
+
+ LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE,
+
+ AND
+
+ MANUAL OF POLITENESS.
+
+ A COMPLETE HAND BOOK FOR THE USE OF THE LADY IN POLITE SOCIETY.
+
+ CONTAINING
+
+ FULL DIRECTIONS FOR CORRECT MANNERS, DRESS, DEPORTMENT, AND CONVERSATION;
+ RULES FOR THE DUTIES OF BOTH HOSTESS AND GUEST
+ IN MORNING RECEPTIONS, DINNER COMPANIES, VISITING, EVENING
+ PARTIES AND BALLS; A COMPLETE GUIDE FOR LETTER
+ WRITING AND CARDS OF COMPLIMENT; HINTS
+ ON MANAGING SERVANTS, ON THE PRESERVATION
+ OF HEALTH, AND ON ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
+
+ AND ALSO
+
+ USEFUL RECEIPTS FOR THE COMPLEXION, HAIR, AND WITH HINTS
+ AND DIRECTIONS FOR THE CARE OF THE WARDROBE.
+
+ BY
+
+ FLORENCE HARTLEY,
+
+ AUTHOR OF THE "LADIES' HAND BOOK OF FANCY AND ORNAMENTAL WORK."
+
+ BOSTON:
+ G. W. COTTRELL, PUBLISHER,
+ 36 Cornhill.
+
+
+ Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1860, by
+
+ G. G. EVANS,
+
+ in the Clerk's Office of the District Court for the Eastern District of
+ Pennsylvania.
+
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTION.
+
+
+In preparing a book of etiquette for ladies, I would lay down as the
+first rule, "Do unto others as you would others should do to you." You
+can never be rude if you bear the rule always in mind, for what lady
+likes to be treated rudely? True Christian politeness will always be the
+result of an unselfish regard for the feelings of others, and though you
+may err in the ceremonious points of etiquette, you will never be
+impolite.
+
+Politeness, founded upon such a rule, becomes the expression, in
+graceful manner, of social virtues. The spirit of politeness consists in
+a certain attention to forms and ceremonies, which are meant both to
+please others and ourselves, and to make others pleased with us; a still
+clearer definition may be given by saying that politeness is goodness of
+heart put into daily practice; there can be no _true_ politeness without
+kindness, purity, singleness of heart, and sensibility.
+
+Many believe that politeness is but a mask worn in the world to conceal
+bad passions and impulses, and to make a show of possessing virtues not
+really existing in the heart; thus, that politeness is merely hypocrisy
+and dissimulation. Do not believe this; be certain that those who
+profess such a doctrine are practising themselves the deceit they
+condemn so much. Such people scout politeness, because, to be truly a
+lady, one must carry the principles into every circumstance of life,
+into the family circle, the most intimate friendship, and never forget
+to extend the gentle courtesies of life to every one. This they find too
+much trouble, and so deride the idea of being polite and call it
+deceitfulness.
+
+True politeness is the language of a good heart, and those possessing
+that heart will never, under any circumstances, be rude. They may not
+enter a crowded saloon gracefully; they may be entirely ignorant of the
+_forms_ of good society; they may be awkward at table, ungrammatical in
+speech; but they will never be heard speaking so as to wound the
+feelings of another; they will never be seen making others uncomfortable
+by seeking solely for their own _personal_ convenience; they will always
+endeavor to set every one around them at ease; they will be
+self-sacrificing, friendly, unselfish; truly in word and deed, _polite_.
+Give to such a woman the knowledge of the forms and customs of society,
+teach her how best to show the gentle courtesies of life, and you have a
+_lady_, created by God, only indebted for the _outward_ polish to the
+world.
+
+It is true that society demands this same unselfishness and courtesy,
+but when there is no heart in the work, the time is frittered away on
+the mere ceremonies, forms of etiquette, and customs of society, and
+this politeness seeks only its own ends; to be known as courteous,
+spoken of as lady-like, and not beloved as unselfish and womanly.
+
+Etiquette exists in some form in all countries, has existed and will
+exist in all ages. From the rudest savage who dares not approach his
+ignorant, barbarous ruler without certain forms and ceremonies, to the
+most polished courts in Europe, or the home circles of America,
+etiquette reigns.
+
+True politeness will be found, its basis in the human heart, the same in
+all these varied scenes and situations, but the outward forms of
+etiquette will vary everywhere. Even in the same scene, time will alter
+every form, and render the exquisite polish of last year, obsolete
+rudeness next year.
+
+Politeness, being based upon real kindness of heart, cannot exist where
+there is selfishness or brutality to warp its growth. It is founded
+upon love of the neighbor, and a desire to be beloved, and to show love.
+Thus, where such pure, noble feelings do not exist, the mere forms of
+politeness become hypocrisy and deceit.
+
+Rudeness will repel, where courtesy would attract friends.
+
+Never by word or action notice the defects of another; be charitable,
+for all need charity. Remember who said, "Let him that is without fault
+cast the first stone." Remember that the laws of politeness require the
+consideration of the feelings of others; the endeavor to make every one
+feel at ease; and frank courtesy towards all. Never meet rudeness in
+others with rudeness upon your own part; even the most brutal and
+impolite will be more shamed by being met with courtesy and kindness,
+than by any attempt to annoy them by insolence on your part.
+
+Politeness forbids any display of resentment. The polished surface
+throws back the arrow.
+
+Remember that a favor becomes doubly valuable if granted with courtesy,
+and that the pain of a refusal may be softened if the manner expresses
+polite regret.
+
+Kindness, even to the most humble, will never lose anything by being
+offered in a gentle, courteous manner, and the most common-place action
+will admit of grace and ease in its execution.
+
+Let every action, while it is finished in strict accordance with
+etiquette, be, at the same time, easy, as if dictated solely by the
+heart.
+
+To be truly polite, remember you must be polite at _all_ times, and
+under _all_ circumstances.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+
+ PAGE
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+ CONVERSATION 11
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+ DRESS 21
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+ TRAVELING 34
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+ HOW TO BEHAVE AT A HOTEL 40
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+ EVENING PARTIES--Etiquette for the Hostess 44
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+ EVENING PARTIES--Etiquette for the Guest 54
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+ VISITING--Etiquette for the Hostess 60
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+ VISITING--Etiquette for the Guest 66
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+ MORNING RECEPTIONS OR CALLS--Etiquette for the Hostess 76
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+ MORNING RECEPTIONS OR CALLS--Etiquette for the Caller 81
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+ DINNER COMPANY--Etiquette for the Hostess 87
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+ DINNER COMPANY--Etiquette for the Guest 97
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+ TABLE ETIQUETTE 105
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+ CONDUCT IN THE STREET 109
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+ LETTER WRITING 116
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+ POLITE DEPORTMENT AND GOOD HABITS 142
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+ CONDUCT IN CHURCH 154
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+ BALL ROOM ETIQUETTE--For the Hostess 158
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+ BALL ROOM ETIQUETTE--For the Guest 166
+
+CHAPTER XX.
+
+ PLACES OF AMUSEMENT 172
+
+CHAPTER XXI.
+
+ ACCOMPLISHMENTS 178
+
+CHAPTER XXII.
+
+ SERVANTS 232
+
+CHAPTER XXIII.
+
+ ON A YOUNG LADY'S CONDUCT WHEN CONTEMPLATING MARRIAGE 244
+
+CHAPTER XXIV.
+
+ BRIDAL ETIQUETTE 259
+
+CHAPTER XXV.
+
+ HINTS ON HEALTH 264
+
+CHAPTER XXVI.
+
+ MISCELLANEOUS 283
+
+RECEIPTS.
+
+ FOR THE COMPLEXION, &c. 303
+
+
+
+
+LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+CONVERSATION.
+
+
+The art of conversation consists in the exercise of two fine qualities.
+You must originate, and you must sympathize; you must possess at the
+same time the habit of communicating and of listening attentively. The
+union is rare but irresistible. None but an excessively ill-bred person
+will allow her attention to wander from the person with whom she is
+conversing; and especially she will never, while seeming to be entirely
+attentive to her companion, answer a remark or question made to another
+person, in another group. Unless the conversation be general among a
+party of friends, confine your remarks and attention entirely to the
+person with whom you are conversing. Steele says, "I would establish but
+one great general rule in conversation, which is this--that people
+should not talk to please themselves, but those who hear them. This
+would make them consider whether what they speak be worth hearing;
+whether there be either wit or sense in what they are about to say; and
+whether it be adapted to the time when, the place where, and the person
+to whom, it is spoken."
+
+Be careful in conversation to avoid topics which may be supposed to have
+any direct reference to events or circumstances which may be painful for
+your companion to hear discussed; you may unintentionally start a
+subject which annoys or troubles the friend with whom you may be
+conversing; in that case, do not stop abruptly, when you perceive that
+it causes pain, and, above all, do not make the matter worse by
+apologizing; turn to another subject as soon as possible, and pay no
+attention to the agitation your unfortunate remark may have excited.
+Many persons will, for the sake of appearing witty or smart, wound the
+feelings of another deeply; avoid this; it is not only ill-bred, but
+cruel.
+
+Remember that having all the talk sustained by one person is not
+conversation; do not engross all the attention yourself, by refusing to
+allow another person an opportunity to speak, and also avoid the other
+extreme of total silence, or answering only in monosyllables.
+
+If your companion relates an incident or tells a story, be very careful
+not to interrupt her by questions, even if you do not clearly understand
+her; wait until she has finished her relation, and then ask any
+questions you may desire. There is nothing more annoying than to be so
+interrupted. I have heard a story told to an impertinent listener, which
+ran in this way:--
+
+"I saw a fearful sight----"
+
+"When?"
+
+"I was about to tell you; last Monday, on the train----"
+
+"What train?"
+
+"The train from B----. We were near the bridge----"
+
+"What bridge?"
+
+"I will tell you all about it, if you will only let me speak. I was
+coming from B----"
+
+"Last Monday, did you say?"
+
+and so on. The story was interrupted at every sentence, and the relator
+condemned as a most tedious story-teller, when, had he been permitted to
+go forward, he would have made the incident interesting and short.
+
+Never interrupt any one who is speaking. It is very ill-bred. If you see
+that a person to whom you wish to speak is being addressed by another
+person, never speak until she has heard and replied; until her
+conversation with that person is finished. No truly polite lady ever
+breaks in upon a conversation or interrupts another speaker.
+
+Never, in speaking to a married lady, enquire for her _husband_, or, if
+a gentleman, ask for his _wife_. The elegant way is to call the absent
+party by their name; ask Mr. Smith how Mrs. Smith is, or enquire of Mrs.
+Jones for Mr. Jones, but never for "your husband" or "your wife." On the
+other hand, if you are married, never speak of your husband as your
+"lord," "husband," or "good man," avoid, also, unless amongst relatives,
+calling him by his Christian name. If you wish others to respect him,
+show by speaking of him in respectful terms that you do so yourself. If
+either your own husband or your friend's is in the army or navy, or can
+claim the Dr., Prof., or any other prefix to his name, there is no
+impropriety in speaking of him as the colonel, doctor, or whatever his
+title may be.
+
+It is a mark of ill-breeding to use French phrases or words, unless you
+are sure your companion is a French scholar, and, even then, it is best
+to avoid them. Above all, do not use any foreign word or phrase, unless
+you have the language perfectly at your command. I heard a lady once use
+a Spanish quotation; she had mastered that one sentence alone; but a
+Cuban gentleman, delighted to meet an American who could converse with
+him in his own tongue, immediately addressed her in Spanish. Embarrassed
+and ashamed, she was obliged to confess that her knowledge of the
+language was confined to one quotation.
+
+Never anticipate the point or joke of any anecdote told in your
+presence. If _you_ have heard the story before, it may be new to others,
+and the narrator should always be allowed to finish it in his own words.
+To take any sentence from the mouth of another person, before he has
+time to utter it, is the height of ill-breeding. Avoid it carefully.
+
+Never use the phrases, "What-d-ye call it," "Thingummy," "What's his
+name," or any such substitutes for a proper name or place. If you cannot
+recall the names you wish to use, it is better not to tell the story or
+incident connected with them. No lady of high breeding will ever use
+these substitutes in conversation.
+
+Be careful always to speak in a distinct, clear voice; at the same time
+avoid talking too loudly, there is a happy medium between mumbling and
+screaming. Strive to attain it.
+
+Overlook the deficiencies of others when conversing with them, as they
+may be the results of ignorance, and impossible to correct. Never pain
+another person by correcting, before others, a word or phrase
+mispronounced or ungrammatically constructed. If your intimacy will
+allow it, speak of the fault upon another occasion, kindly and
+privately, or let it pass. Do not be continually watching for faults,
+that you may display your own superior wisdom in correcting them. Let
+modesty and kind feeling govern your conversation, as other rules of
+life. If, on the other hand, your companion uses words or expressions
+which you cannot understand, do not affect knowledge, or be ashamed of
+your ignorance, but frankly ask for an explanation.
+
+In conversing with professional gentlemen, never question them upon
+matters connected with their employment. An author may communicate,
+voluntarily, information interesting to you, upon the subject of his
+works, but any questions from you would be extremely rude. If you meet a
+physician who is attending a friend, you may enquire for their progress,
+but do not expect him to give you a detailed account of the disease and
+his manner of treating it. The same rule applies to questioning lawyers
+about their clients, artists on their paintings, merchants or mechanics
+of their several branches of business. Professional or business men,
+when with ladies, generally wish for miscellaneous subjects of
+conversation, and, as their visits are for recreation, they will feel
+excessively annoyed if obliged to "talk shop." Still many men can
+converse on no other subject than their every day employment. In this
+case listen politely, and show your interest. You will probably gain
+useful information in such conversation.
+
+Never question the veracity of any statement made in general
+conversation. If you are certain a statement is false, and it is
+injurious to another person, who may be absent, you may quietly and
+courteously inform the speaker that he is mistaken, but if the falsehood
+is of no consequence, let it pass. If a statement appears monstrous, but
+you do not _know_ that it is false, listen, but do not question its
+veracity. It may be true, though it strikes you as improbable.
+
+Never attempt to disparage an absent friend. It is the height of
+meanness. If others admire her, and you do not, let them have their
+opinion in peace; you will probably fail if you try to lower her in
+their esteem, and gain for yourself the character of an ill-natured,
+envious person.
+
+In conversing with foreigners, if they speak slightingly of the manners
+of your country, do not retort rudely, or resentfully. If their views
+are wrong, converse upon the subject, giving them frankly your views,
+but never retaliate by telling them that some custom of their own
+country is worse. A gentleman or lady of true refinement will always
+give your words candid consideration, and admit that an American may
+possibly know the customs of her country better than they do, and if
+your opponent is not well-bred, your rudeness will not improve his
+manners. Let the conversation upon national subjects be candid, and at
+the same time courteous, and leave him to think that the _ladies_ in
+America are well-bred, however much he may dislike some little national
+peculiarity.
+
+Avoid, at all times, mentioning subjects or incidents that can in any
+way disgust your hearers. Many persons will enter into the details of
+sicknesses which should be mentioned only when absolutely necessary, or
+describe the most revolting scenes before a room full of people, or even
+at table. Others speak of vermin, noxious plants, or instances of
+uncleanliness. All such conversation or allusion is excessively
+ill-bred. It is not only annoying, but absolutely sickening to some, and
+a truly lady-like person will avoid all such topics.
+
+I cannot too severely censure the habit of using sentences which admit
+of a double meaning. It is not only ill-bred, but indelicate, and no
+person of true refinement will ever do it. If you are so unfortunate as
+to converse with one who uses such phrases, never by word, look, or sign
+show that you understand any meaning beyond the plain, outspoken
+language.
+
+Avoid always any discussion upon religious topics, unless you are
+perfectly certain that your remarks cannot annoy or pain any one
+present. If you are tete-a-tete with a friend, and such a discussion
+arise, inquire your companion's church and mention your own, that you
+may yourself avoid unpleasant remarks, and caution him.
+
+Never, when advancing an opinion, assert positively that a thing "_is
+so_," but give your opinion _as_ an opinion. Say, "I think this is so,"
+or "these are _my_ views," but remember that your companion may be
+better informed upon the subject under discussion, or, where it is a
+mere matter of taste or feeling, do not expect that all the world will
+feel exactly as you do.
+
+Never repeat to a person with whom you converse, any unpleasant speech
+you may have heard concerning her. If you can give her pleasure by the
+repetition of a delicate compliment, or token of approval shown by a
+mutual friend, tell her the pleasant speech or incident, but do not hurt
+her feelings, or involve her in a quarrel by the repetition of
+ill-natured remarks.
+
+Amongst well-bred persons, every conversation is considered in a measure
+confidential. A lady or gentleman tacitly confides in you when he (or
+she) tells you an incident which may cause trouble if repeated, and you
+violate a confidence as much in such a repetition, as if you were bound
+over to secrecy. Remember this.
+
+Never criticise a companion's dress, or indeed make any remark whatever
+upon it. If a near friend, you may, if sincere, admire any article, but
+with a mere acquaintance let it pass unnoticed. If, however, any
+accident has happened to the dress, of which she is ignorant, tell her
+of it, and assist her in repairing the mischief.
+
+To be able to converse really well, you must read much, treasure in your
+memory the pearls of what you read; you must have a quick comprehension,
+observe passing events, and listen attentively whenever there is any
+opportunity of acquiring knowledge. A quick tact is necessary, too, in
+conversation. To converse with an entirely uneducated person upon
+literature, interlarding your remarks with quotations, is ill-bred. It
+places them in an awkward situation, and does not add to your
+popularity. In conversing with persons of refinement and intelligence,
+do not endeavor to attract their admiration by pouring forth every item
+of your own information upon the subject under consideration, but listen
+as well as talk, and modestly follow their lead. I do not mean, to
+assent to any opinion they may advance, if you really differ in your own
+tastes, but do not be _too_ ready to show your superior judgment or
+information. Avoid argument; it is not conversation, and frequently
+leads to ill feeling. If you are unfortunately drawn into an argument,
+keep your temper under perfect control, and if you find your adversary
+is getting too warm, endeavor to introduce some other topic.
+
+Avoid carefully any allusion to the age or personal defects of your
+companion, or any one who may be in the room, and be very careful in
+your language when speaking of a stranger to another person. I have
+heard a lady inquire of a gentleman, "who that frightful girl in blue
+could be," and receive the information that the lady in question was the
+gentleman's own sister.
+
+Be careful, when traveling, not to wound the feelings of your friends in
+another country or city, by underrating their native place, or
+attempting to prove the superiority of your own home over theirs.
+
+Very young girls are apt to suppose, from what they observe in older
+ones, that there is some particular manner to be put on, in talking to
+gentlemen, and, not knowing exactly what it is, they are embarrassed and
+reserved; others observe certain airs and looks, used by their elders in
+this intercourse, and try to imitate them, as a necessary part of
+company behaviours, and, so become affected, and lose that first of
+charms, simplicity, natural grace. To such, let me say, your companions
+are in error; it requires no peculiar manner, nothing to be put on, in
+order to converse with gentlemen, any more than with ladies; and the
+more pure and elevated your sentiments are, and the better cultivated
+your intellect is, the easier will you find it to converse pleasantly
+with all. One good rule can be always followed by young ladies; to
+converse with a lady friend as if there were gentlemen present, and to
+converse with a gentleman as if in the room with other ladies.
+
+Avoid affectation; it is the sure test of a deceitful, vulgar mind. The
+best cure is to try to have those virtues which you would affect, and
+then they will appear naturally.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+DRESS.
+
+
+"A lady is never so well dressed as when you cannot remember what she
+wears."
+
+No truer remark than the above was ever made. Such an effect can only be
+produced where every part of the dress harmonizes entirely with the
+other parts, where each color or shade suits the wearer's style
+completely, and where there is perfect neatness in each detail. One
+glaring color, or conspicuous article, would entirely mar the beauty of
+such a dress. It is, unfortunately, too much the custom in America to
+wear any article, or shape in make, that is fashionable, without any
+regard to the style of the person purchasing goods. If it is the fashion
+it must be worn, though it may greatly exaggerate a slight personal
+defect, or conceal or mar what would otherwise be a beauty. It requires
+the exercise of some judgment to decide how far an individual may follow
+the dictates of fashion, in order to avoid the appearance of
+eccentricity, and yet wear what is peculiarly becoming to her own face
+or figure. Another fault of our fair countrywomen is their extravagance
+in dress. No better advice can be given to a young person than to dress
+always according to her circumstances. She will be more respected with
+a simple wardrobe, if it is known either that she is dependent upon her
+own exertions for support, or is saving a husband or father from
+unnecessary outlay, than if she wore the most costly fabrics, and by so
+doing incurred debt or burdened her relatives with heavy, unwarrantable
+expense. If neatness, consistency, and good taste, preside over the
+wardrobe of a lady, expensive fabrics will not be needed; for with the
+simplest materials, harmony of color, accurate fitting to the figure,
+and perfect neatness, she will always appear well dressed.
+
+
+GENERAL RULES.
+
+NEATNESS--This is the first of all rules to be observed with regard to
+dress. Perfect cleanliness and careful adjustment of each article in the
+dress are indispensable in a finished toilet. Let the hair be always
+smooth and becomingly arranged, each article exquisitely clean, neat
+collar and sleeves, and tidy shoes and stockings, and the simplest dress
+will appear well, while a torn or soiled collar, rough hair, or untidy
+feet will entirely ruin the effect of the most costly and elaborate
+dress. The many articles required in a lady's wardrobe make a neat
+arrangement of her drawers and closets necessary, and also require care
+in selecting and keeping goods in proper order. A fine collar or lace,
+if tumbled or soiled, will lose its beauty when contrasted with the same
+article in the coarsest material perfectly pure and smooth. Each article
+of dress, when taken off, should be placed carefully and smoothly in its
+proper place. Nice dresses should be hung up by a loop on the inside of
+the waistband, with the skirts turned inside out, and the body turned
+inside of the skirt. Cloaks should hang in smooth folds from a loop on
+the inside of the neck. Shawls should be always folded in the creases in
+which they were purchased. All fine articles, lace, embroidery, and
+handkerchiefs, should be placed by themselves in a drawer, always laid
+out smoothly, and kept from dust. Furs should be kept in a box, alone,
+and in summer carefully packed, with a quantity of lump camphor to
+protect from moths. The bonnet should always rest upon a stand in the
+band-box, as the shape and trimming will both be injured by letting it
+lie either on the face, sides, or crown.
+
+ADAPTIVENESS--Let each dress worn by a lady be suitable to the occasion
+upon which she wears it. A toilet may be as offensive to good taste and
+propriety by being too elaborate, as by being slovenly. Never wear a
+dress which is out of place or out of season under the impression that
+"it will do for once," or "nobody will notice it." It is in as bad taste
+to receive your morning calls in an elaborate evening dress, as it would
+be to attend a ball in your morning wrapper.
+
+HARMONY--To appear well dressed without harmony, both in color and
+materials, is impossible. When arranging any dress, whether for home,
+street, or evening, be careful that each color harmonizes well with the
+rest, and let no one article, by its glaring costliness, make all the
+rest appear mean. A costly lace worn over a thin, flimsy silk, will only
+make the dress appear poorer, not, as some suppose, hide its defects. A
+rich trimming looks as badly upon a cheap dress, as a mean one does
+upon an expensive fabric. Observe this rule always in purchasing goods.
+One costly article will entirely ruin the harmony in a dress, which,
+without it, though plain and inexpensive, would be becoming and
+beautiful. Do not save on the dress or cloak to buy a more elaborate
+bonnet, but let the cost be well equalized and the effect will be good.
+A plain merino or dark silk, with a cloth cloak, will look much better
+than the most expensive velvet cloak over a cheap delaine dress.
+
+FASHION--Do not be too submissive to the dictates of fashion; at the
+same time avoid oddity or eccentricity in your dress. There are some
+persons who will follow, in defiance of taste and judgment, the fashion
+to its most extreme point; this is a sure mark of vulgarity. Every new
+style of dress will admit of adaptation to individual cases, thus
+producing a pleasing, as well as fashionable effect. Not only good
+taste, but health is often sacrificed to the silly error of dressing in
+the extreme of fashion. Be careful to have your dress comfortable and
+becoming, and let the prevailing mode come into secondary consideration;
+avoiding, always, the other extreme of oddity or eccentricity in
+costume.
+
+STYLE AND FORM OF DRESS--Be always careful when making up the various
+parts of your wardrobe, that each article fits you accurately. Not in
+the outside garments alone must this rule be followed, an ill-fitting
+pair of corsets, or wrinkles in any other article of the under-clothes,
+will make a dress set badly, even if it has been itself fitted with the
+utmost accuracy. A stocking which is too large, will make the boot
+uncomfortably tight, and too small will compress the foot, making the
+shoe loose and untidy. In a dress, no outlay upon the material will
+compensate for a badly fitting garment. A cheap calico made to fit the
+form accurately and easily, will give the wearer a more lady-like air
+than the richest silk which either wrinkles or is too tightly strained
+over the figure. Collars or sleeves, pinned over or tightly strained to
+meet, will entirely mar the effect of the prettiest dress.
+
+ECONOMY--And by economy I do not mean mere cheapness. To buy a poor,
+flimsy fabric merely because the price is low, is extravagance, not
+economy; still worse if you buy articles because they are offered cheap,
+when you have no use for them. In purchasing goods for the wardrobe, let
+each material be the best of its kind. The same amount of sewing that is
+put into a good material, must be put into a poor one, and, as the
+latter will very soon wash or wear out, there must be another one to
+supply its place, purchased and made up, when, by buying a good article
+at first, this time and labor might have been saved. A good, strong
+material will be found cheapest in the end, though the actual
+expenditure of money may be larger at first.
+
+COMFORT--Many ladies have to trace months of severe suffering to an
+improper disregard of comfort, in preparing their wardrobe, or in
+exposure after they are dressed. The most exquisite ball costume will
+never compensate for the injury done by tight lacing, the prettiest foot
+is dearly paid for by the pain a tight boot entails, and the most
+graceful effects will not prevent suffering from exposure to cold. A
+light ball dress and exquisite arrangement of the hair, too often make
+the wearer dare the inclemency of the coldest night, by wearing a light
+shawl or hood, to prevent crushing delicate lace or flowers. Make it a
+fixed rule to have the head, feet, and chest well protected when going
+to a party, even at the risk of a crushed flower or a stray curl. Many a
+fair head has been laid in a coffin, a victim to consumption, from
+rashly venturing out of a heated ball room, flushed and excited, with
+only a light protection against keen night air. The excitement of the
+occasion may prevent immediate discomfort in such cases, but it adds to
+the subsequent danger.
+
+DETAILS--Be careful always that the details of your dress are perfectly
+finished in every point. The small articles of a wardrobe require
+constant care to keep in perfect order, yet they will wofully revenge
+themselves if neglected. Let the collar, handkerchief, boots, gloves,
+and belts be always whole, neat, and adapted to the dress. A lace collar
+will look as badly over a chintz dress, as a linen one would with
+velvet, though each may be perfect of its kind. Attention to these minor
+points are sure tests of taste in a lady's dress. A shabby or ill
+fitting boot or glove will ruin the most elaborate walking dress, while
+one of much plainer make and coarser fabric will be becoming and
+lady-like, if all the details are accurately fitted, clean, and well put
+on. In arranging a dress for every occasion, be careful that there is no
+missing string, hook, or button, that the folds hang well, and that
+every part is even and properly adjusted. Let the skirts hang smoothly,
+the outside ones being always about an inch longer than the under ones;
+let the dress set smoothly, carefully hooked or buttoned; let the collar
+fit neatly, and be fastened firmly and smoothly at the throat; let
+shoes and stockings be whole, clean, and fit nicely; let the hair be
+smooth and glossy, the skin pure, and the colors and fabric of your
+dress harmonize and be suitable for the occasion, and you will always
+appear both lady-like and well-dressed.
+
+
+HOME DRESSES.
+
+MORNING DRESS--The most suitable dress for breakfast, is a wrapper made
+to fit the figure loosely, and the material, excepting when the winter
+weather requires woolen goods, should be of chintz, gingham, brilliante,
+or muslin. A lady who has children, or one accustomed to perform for
+herself light household duties, will soon find the advantage of wearing
+materials that will wash. A large apron of domestic gingham, which can
+be taken off, if the wearer is called to see unexpected visiters, will
+protect the front of the dress, and save washing the wrapper too
+frequently. If a lady's domestic duties require her attention for
+several hours in the morning, whilst her list of acquaintances is large,
+and she has frequent morning calls, it is best to dress for callers
+before breakfast, and wear over this dress a loose sack and skirt of
+domestic gingham. This, while protecting the dress perfectly, can be
+taken off at a moment's notice if callers are announced. Married ladies
+often wear a cap in the morning, and lately, young girls have adopted
+the fashion. It is much better to let the hair be perfectly smooth,
+requiring no cap, which is often worn to conceal the lazy, slovenly
+arrangement of the hair. A few moments given to making the hair smooth
+and presentable without any covering, will not be wasted. Slippers of
+embroidered cloth are prettiest with a wrapper, and in summer black
+morocco is the most suitable for the house in the morning.
+
+DRESS FOR MORNING VISITS--A lady should never receive her morning
+callers in a wrapper, unless they call at an unusually early hour, or
+some unexpected demand upon her time makes it impossible to change her
+dress after breakfast. On the other hand, an elaborate costume before
+dinner is in excessively bad taste. The dress should be made to fit the
+figure neatly, finished at the throat and wrists by an embroidered
+collar and cuffs, and, unless there is a necessity for it, in loss of
+the hair or age, there should be no cap or head dress worn. A wrapper
+made with handsome trimming, open over a pretty white skirt, may be worn
+with propriety; but the simple dress worn for breakfast, or in the
+exercise of domestic duties, is not suitable for the parlor when
+receiving visits of ceremony in the morning.
+
+EVENING DRESS--The home evening dress should be varied according to
+circumstances. If no visitor is expected, the dress worn in the morning
+is suitable for the evening; but to receive visitors, it should be of
+lighter material, and a light head-dress may be worn. For young ladies,
+at home, ribbon or velvet are the most suitable materials for a
+head-dress. Flowers, unless they be natural ones in summer, are in very
+bad taste, excepting in cases where a party of invited guests are
+expected. Dark silk in winter, and thin material in summer, make the
+most suitable dresses for evening, and the reception of the
+chance-guests ladies in society may usually expect.
+
+WALKING DRESSES--Walking dresses, to be in good taste, should be of
+quiet colors, and never conspicuous. Browns, modes, and neutral tints,
+with black and white, make the prettiest dresses for the street. Above
+all, avoid wearing several bright colors. One may be worn with perfect
+propriety to take off the sombre effect of a dress of brown or black,
+but do not let it be too glaring, and wear but little of it. Let the
+boots be sufficiently strong and thick to protect the feet from damp or
+dust, and wear always neat, clean, nicely fitting gloves. The entire
+effect of the most tasteful costume will be ruined if attention is not
+paid to the details of dress. A soiled bonnet cap, untidy strings, or
+torn gloves and collar will utterly spoil the prettiest costume. There
+is no surer mark of vulgarity than over dressing or gay dressing in the
+street. Let the materials be of the costliest kind, if you will, but do
+not either wear the exaggerations of the fashion, or conspicuous colors.
+Let good taste dictate the limits where fashion may rule, and let the
+colors harmonize well, and be of such tints as will not attract
+attention.
+
+FOR MORNING CALLS--The dress should be plain, and in winter furs and
+dark gloves may be worn.
+
+FOR BRIDAL CALLS--The dress should be of light silk, the bonnet dressy,
+and either a rich shawl or light cloak; no furs, and light gloves. In
+summer, a lace or silk mantle and white gloves should be worn.
+
+SHOPPING DRESSES--Should be of such material as will bear the crush of a
+crowded store without injury, and neither lace or delicate fabrics
+should ever be worn. A dress of merino in winter, with a cloth cloak
+and plain velvet or silk bonnet is the most suitable. In summer, a
+dress and cloak of plain mode-colored Lavella cloth, or any other cool
+but strong fabric, with a simply trimmed straw bonnet, is the best dress
+for a shopping excursion.
+
+STORM DRESSES--A lady who is obliged to go out frequently in bad
+weather, will find it both a convenience and economy to have a storm
+dress. Both dress and cloak should be made of a woolen material,
+(varying of course with the season,) which will shed water. White skirts
+are entirely out of place, as, if the dress is held up, they will be in
+a few moments disgracefully dirty. A woolen skirt, made quite short, to
+clear the muddy streets, is the proper thing. Stout, thick-soled boots,
+and gloves of either silk, beaver-cloth, or lisle thread, are the most
+suitable. The bonnet should be either of straw or felt, simply trimmed;
+and, above all, carry a _large_ umbrella. The little light umbrellas are
+very pretty, no doubt, but to be of any real protection in a storm, the
+umbrella should be large enough to protect the whole dress.
+
+MARKETING--Here a dress of the most inexpensive kind is the best. There
+is no surer mark of vulgarity, than a costly dress in the market. A
+chintz is the best skirt to wear, and in winter a dark chintz skirt put
+on over a delaine dress, will protect it from baskets, and the
+unavoidable soils contracted in a market, while it looks perfectly well,
+and can be washed if required.
+
+TRAVELING--Traveling dresses should be made always of some quiet color,
+perfectly plain, with a deep mantle or cloak of the same material. When
+traveling with a young babe, a dress of material that will wash is the
+best, but it should be dark and plain. A conspicuous traveling dress is
+in very bad taste, and jewelry or ornaments of any kind are entirely out
+of place. Let the dress be made of dark, plain material, with a simple
+straw or felt bonnet, trimmed with the same color as the dress, and a
+thick barege veil. An elastic string run through a tuck made in the
+middle of the veil, will allow one half to fall over the face, while the
+other half falls back, covering the bonnet, and protecting it from dust.
+If white collars and sleeves are worn, they should be of linen,
+perfectly plain. Strong boots and thick gloves are indispensable in
+traveling, and a heavy shawl should be carried, to meet any sudden
+change in the weather. Corsets and petticoats of dark linen are more
+suitable than white ones, as there is so much unavoidable dust and mud
+constantly meeting a traveler.
+
+EVENING DRESSES--Must be governed by the number of guests you may expect
+to meet, and the character of the entertainment to which you are
+invited. For small social companies, a dark silk in winter, and a pretty
+lawn, barege, or white muslin in summer, are the most appropriate. A
+light head-dress of ribbon or velvet, or a plain cap, are the most
+suitable with this dress. For a larger party, low-necked, short-sleeved
+silk, light colored, or any of the thin goods made expressly for evening
+wear, with kid gloves, either of a color to match the dress or of white;
+black lace mittens are admissible, and flowers in the hair. A ball dress
+should be made of either very dressy silk, or light, thin material made
+over silk. It should be trimmed with lace, flowers, or ribbon, and made
+dressy. The _coiffure_ should be elaborate, and match the dress, being
+either of ribbon, feather, or flowers. White kid gloves, trimmed to
+match the dress, and white or black satin slippers, with silk stockings,
+must be worn.
+
+MOURNING--There is such a variety of opinion upon the subject of
+mourning, that it is extremely difficult to lay down any general rules
+upon the subject. Some wear very close black for a long period, for a
+distant relative; whilst others will wear dressy mourning for a short
+time in a case of death in the immediate family. There is no rule either
+for the depth of mourning, or the time when it may be laid aside, and I
+must confine my remarks to the different degrees of mourning.
+
+For deep mourning, the dress should be of bombazine, Parramatta cloth,
+delaine, barege, or merino, made up over black lining. The only
+appropriate trimming is a deep fold, either of the same material or of
+crape. The shawl or cloak must be of plain black, without border or
+trimming, unless a fold of crape be put on the cloak; the bonnet should
+be of crape, made perfectly plain, with crape facings, unless the
+widow's cap be worn, and a deep crape veil should be thrown over both
+face and bonnet. Black crape collar and sleeves, and black boots and
+gloves. The next degree is to wear white collar and sleeves, a bow of
+crape upon the bonnet, and plain white lace facings, leaving off the
+crape veil, and substituting one of plain black net. A little later,
+black silk without any gloss, trimmed with crape, may be worn, and
+delaine or bombazine, with a trimming of broad, plain ribbon, or a bias
+fold of silk. The next stage admits a silk bonnet trimmed with crape,
+and lead color, dark purple, or white figures on the dress. From this
+the mourning passes into second mourning. Here a straw bonnet, trimmed
+with black ribbon or crape flowers, or a silk bonnet with black flowers
+on the outside, and white ones in the face, a black silk dress, and gray
+shawl or cloak, may be worn. Lead color, purple, lavender, and white,
+are all admissible in second mourning, and the dress may be lightened
+gradually, a white bonnet, shawl, and light purple or lavender dress,
+being the dress usually worn last, before the mourning is thrown aside
+entirely, and colors resumed. It is especially to be recommended to buy
+always the best materials when making up mourning. Crape and woolen
+goods of the finest quality are very expensive, but a cheaper article
+will wear miserably; there is no greater error in economy than
+purchasing cheap mourning, for no goods are so inferior, or wear out and
+grow rusty so soon.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+TRAVELING.
+
+
+There is no situation in which a lady is more exposed than when she
+travels, and there is no position where a dignified, lady-like
+deportment is more indispensable and more certain to command respect. If
+you travel under the escort of a gentleman, give him as little trouble
+as possible; at the same time, do not interfere with the arrangements he
+may make for your comfort. It is best, when starting upon your journey,
+to hand your escort a sufficient sum of money to cover all your
+expenses, retaining your pocket book in case you should wish to use it.
+Have a strong pocket made in your upper petticoat, and in that carry
+your money, only reserving in your dress pocket a small sum for
+incidental expenses. In your traveling satchel carry an oil skin bag,
+containing your sponge, tooth and nail brushes, and some soap; have also
+a calico bag, with hair brush and comb, some pins, hair pins, a small
+mirror, and some towels. In this satchel carry also some crackers, or
+sandwiches, if you will be long enough upon the road to need a luncheon.
+
+In your carpet bag, carry a large shawl, and if you will travel by
+night, or stop where it will be inconvenient to open your trunks, carry
+your night clothes, and what clean linen you may require, in the carpet
+bag. It is best to have your name and address engraved upon the plate of
+your carpet bag, and to sew a white card, with your name and the address
+to which you are traveling, in clear, plain letters upon it. If you
+carry a novel or any other reading, it is best to carry the book in your
+satchel, and not open the carpet bag until you are ready for the night.
+If you are to pass the night in the cars, carry a warm woolen or silk
+hood, that you may take off your bonnet at night. No one can sleep
+comfortably in a bonnet. Carry also, in this case, a large shawl to wrap
+round your feet.
+
+One rule to be always observed in traveling is punctuality. Rise early
+enough to have ample time for arranging everything needful for the day's
+journey. If you sleep upon the boat, or at a hotel, always give
+directions to the servant to waken you at an hour sufficiently early to
+allow ample time for preparation. It is better to be all ready twenty
+minutes too soon, than five minutes late, or even late enough to be
+annoyed and heated by hurrying at the last moment.
+
+A lady will always dress plainly when traveling. A gay dress, or finery
+of any sort, when in a boat, stage, or car, lays a woman open to the
+most severe misconstruction. Wear always neutral tints, and have the
+material made up plainly and substantially, but avoid carefully any
+article of dress that is glaring or conspicuous. Above all, never wear
+jewelry, (unless it be your watch,) or flowers; they are both in
+excessively bad taste. A quiet, unpretending dress, and dignified
+demeanor, will insure for a lady respect, though she travel alone from
+Maine to Florida.
+
+If you are obliged to pass the night upon a steamboat secure, if
+possible, a stateroom. You will find the luxury of being alone, able to
+retire and rise without witnesses, fully compensates for the extra
+charge. Before you retire, find out the position and number of the
+stateroom occupied by your escort, in case you wish to find him during
+the night. In times of terror, from accident or danger, such care will
+be found invaluable.
+
+You may not be able to obtain a stateroom upon all occasions when
+traveling, and must then sleep in the ladies' cabin. It is best, in this
+case, to take off the dress only, merely loosening the stays and skirts,
+and, unless you are sick, you may sit up to read until quite a late
+hour. Never allow your escort to accompany you into the cabin. The
+saloon is open always to both ladies and gentlemen, and the cabin is for
+ladies _alone_. Many ladies are sufficiently ill-bred to ask a husband
+or brother into the cabin, and keep him there talking for an hour or
+two, totally overlooking the fact that by so doing she may be keeping
+others, suffering, perhaps, with sickness, from removing their dresses
+to lie down. Such conduct is not only excessively ill-bred, but
+intensely selfish.
+
+There is scarcely any situation in which a lady can be placed, more
+admirably adapted to test her good breeding, than in the sleeping cabin
+of a steam-boat. If you are so unfortunate as to suffer from
+sea-sickness, your chances for usefulness are limited, and patient
+suffering your only resource. In this case, never leave home without a
+straw-covered bottle of brandy, and another of camphor, in your
+carpet-bag. If you are not sick, be very careful not to keep the
+chambermaid from those who are suffering; should you require her
+services, dismiss her as soon as possible. As acquaintances, formed
+during a journey, are not recognized afterwards, unless mutually
+agreeable, do not refuse either a pleasant word or any little offer of
+service from your companions; and, on the other hand, be ready to aid
+them, if in your power. In every case, selfishness is the root of all
+ill-breeding, and it is never more conspicuously displayed than in
+traveling. A courteous manner, and graceful offer of service are valued
+highly when offered, and the giver loses nothing by her civility.
+
+When in the car if you find the exertion of talking painful, say so
+frankly; your escort cannot be offended. Do not continually pester
+either your companion or the conductor with questions, such as "Where
+are we now?" "When shall we arrive?" If you are wearied, this impatience
+will only make the journey still more tedious. Try to occupy yourself
+with looking at the country through which you are passing, or with a
+book.
+
+If you are traveling without any escort, speak to the conductor before
+you start, requesting him to attend to you whilst in the car or boat
+under his control. Sit quietly in the cars when they reach the depot
+until the first bustle is over, and then engage a porter to procure for
+you a hack, and get your baggage. If upon a boat, let one of the
+servants perform this office, being careful to fee him for it. Make an
+engagement with the hackman, to take you only in his hack, and enquire
+his charge before starting. In this way you avoid unpleasant company
+during your drive, and overcharge at the end of it.
+
+If you expect a friend to meet you at the end of your journey, sit near
+the door of the steam-boat saloon, or in the ladies' room at the car
+depot, that he may find you easily.
+
+There are many little civilities which a true gentleman will offer to a
+lady traveling alone, which she may accept, even from an entire
+stranger, with perfect propriety; but, while careful to thank him
+courteously, whether you accept or decline his attentions, avoid any
+advance towards acquaintanceship. If he sits near you and seems disposed
+to be impertinent, or obtrusive in his attentions or conversation, lower
+your veil and turn from him, either looking from the window or reading.
+A dignified, modest reserve is the surest way to repel impertinence. If
+you find yourself, during your journey, in any awkward or embarrassing
+situation, you may, without impropriety, request the assistance of a
+gentleman, even a stranger, and he will, probably, perform the service
+requested, receive your thanks, and then relieve you of his presence.
+Never, upon any account, or under any provocation, return rudeness by
+rudeness. Nothing will rebuke incivility in another so surely as perfect
+courtesy in your own manner. Many will be shamed into apology, who would
+annoy you for hours, if you encouraged them by acts of rudeness on your
+own part.
+
+In traveling alone, choose, if possible, a seat next to another lady, or
+near an elderly gentleman. If your neighbor seems disposed to shorten
+the time by conversing, do not be too hasty in checking him. Such
+acquaintances end with the journey, and a lady can always so deport
+herself that she may beguile the time pleasantly, without, in the least,
+compromising her dignity.
+
+Any slight attention, or an apology made for crushing or incommoding
+you, is best acknowledged by a courteous bow, in silence.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+HOW TO BEHAVE AT A HOTEL.
+
+
+In America, where the mania for traveling extends through all classes,
+from the highest to the lowest, a few hints upon deportment at a hotel
+will not be amiss, and these hints are especially addressed to ladies
+traveling alone.
+
+When you arrive at the hotel, enquire at once for the proprietor. Tell
+him your name and address, and ask him to conduct you to a good room,
+naming the length of time you purpose occupying it. You may also request
+him to wait upon you to the table, and allot you a seat. As the hours
+for meals, at a large hotel, are very numerous, it is best to mention
+the time when you wish to breakfast, dine, or sup. If you stay more than
+one day at the hotel, do not tax the proprietor with the duty of
+escorting you to the table more than once. Request one of the waiters
+always to meet you as you enter, and wait upon you to your seat. This
+saves the embarrassment of crossing the room entirely unattended, while
+it shows others that you are a resident at the house. The waiter will
+then take your order for the dishes you wish. Give this order in a low
+tone, and do not harass the man by contradicting yourself several
+times; decide what you want before you ask for it, and then give your
+order quietly but distinctly. Use, always, the butter-knife, salt-spoon,
+and sugar-tongs, though you may be entirely alone in the use of them.
+The attention to the small details of table etiquette is one of the
+surest marks of good breeding. If any trifling civility is offered by
+the gentleman beside you, or opposite to you, thank him civilly, if you
+either accept or decline it. Thank the waiter for any extra attention he
+may offer.
+
+Remember that a lady-like deportment is always modest and quiet. If you
+meet a friend at table, and converse, let it be in a tone of voice
+sufficiently loud for him to hear, but not loud enough to reach ears for
+which the remarks are not intended. A boisterous, loud voice, loud
+laughter, and bold deportment, at a hotel, are sure signs of vulgar
+breeding.
+
+When you have finished your meal, cross the room quietly; if you go into
+the parlor, do not attract attention by a hasty entrance, or forward
+manner, but take the seat you may select, quietly.
+
+The acquaintances made in a hotel may be dropped afterwards, if
+desirable, without rudeness, and a pleasant greeting to other ladies
+whom you may recognize from meeting them in the entries or at table, is
+courteous and well-bred; be careful, however, not to force attentions
+where you see they are not agreeably received.
+
+A lady's dress, when alone at a hotel, should be of the most modest
+kind. At breakfast let her wear a close, morning dress, and never, even
+at supper, appear alone at the table with bare arms or neck. If she
+comes in late from the opera or a party, in full dress, she should not
+come into the supper-room, unless her escort accompanies her. A
+traveling or walking-dress can be worn with perfect propriety, at any
+meal at a hotel, as it is usually travelers who are the guests at the
+table.
+
+After breakfast, pass an hour or two in the parlor, unless you are going
+out, whilst the chambermaid puts your room in order. You should, before
+leaving the room, lock your trunk, and be careful not to leave money or
+trinkets lying about. When you go out, lock your door, and give the key
+to the servant to hand to the clerk of the office, who will give it to
+you when you return. You may do this, even if you leave the room in
+disorder, as the chambermaids all carry duplicate keys, and can easily
+enter your room in your absence to arrange it. The door should not be
+left open, as dishonest persons, passing along the entry, could enter
+without fear of being questioned.
+
+If you see that another lady, though she may be an entire stranger, is
+losing her collar, or needs attention called to any disorder in her
+dress, speak to her in a low tone, and offer to assist her in remedying
+the difficulty.
+
+Be careful always in opening a door or raising a window in a public
+parlor, that you are not incommoding any one else.
+
+Never sit down to the piano uninvited, unless you are alone in the
+parlor. Do not take any book you may find in the room away from it.
+
+It is best always to carry writing materials with you, but if this is
+not convenient, you can always obtain them at the office.
+
+In a strange city it is best to provide yourself with a small map and
+guide book, that you may be able to find your way from the hotel to any
+given point, without troubling any one for directions.
+
+If you wish for a carriage, ring, and let the waiter order one for you.
+
+When leaving a hotel, if you have been there for several days, give the
+waiter at table, and the chambermaid, a fee, as your unprotected
+situation will probably call for many services out of their regular
+routine of duties.
+
+On leaving, ring, order your bill, pay it, state the time at which you
+wish to leave, and the train you will take to leave the city. Request a
+man to be sent, to carry your baggage to the hack; and if you require
+your next meal at an unusual hour, to be ready for your journey, order
+it then.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+EVENING PARTIES.
+
+ETIQUETTE FOR THE HOSTESS.
+
+
+The most fashionable as well as pleasant way in the present day, to
+entertain guests, is to invite them to evening parties, which vary in
+size from the "company," "sociable," "soiree," to the party, _par
+excellence_, which is but one step from the ball.
+
+The entertainment upon such occasions, may vary with the taste of the
+hostess, or the caprice of her guests. Some prefer dancing, some music,
+some conversation. Small parties called together for dramatic or
+poetical readings, are now fashionable, and very delightful.
+
+In writing an invitation for a small party, it is kind, as well as
+polite, to specify the number of guests invited, that your friends may
+dress to suit the occasion. To be either too much, or too little dressed
+at such times is embarrassing.
+
+For large parties, the usual formula is:
+
+ _Miss S----'s compliments to Miss G----, and requests the
+ pleasure of her company for Wednesday, March 8th, at 8
+ o'clock._
+
+Such an invitation, addressed either to an intimate friend or mere
+acquaintance, will signify full dress.
+
+If your party is a musical soiree, or your friends meet for reading or
+conversation alone, say so in your invitation, as--
+
+ _Miss S---- requests the pleasure of Miss G----'s company, on
+ Thursday evening next, at 8 o'clock, to meet the members of
+ the musical club, to which Miss S---- belongs_;
+
+ or,
+
+ _Miss S---- expects a few friends, on Monday evening next, at
+ 8 o'clock, to take part in some dramatic readings, and would
+ be happy to have Miss G---- join the party._
+
+Always date your note of invitation, and put your address in one corner.
+
+Having dispatched these notes, the next step is to prepare to receive
+your guests. If the number invited is large, and you hire waiters, give
+them notice several days beforehand, and engage them to come in the
+morning. Give them full directions for the supper, appoint one to open
+the door, another to show the guests to the dressing rooms, and a third
+to wait in the gentlemen's dressing-room, to attend to them, if their
+services are required.
+
+If you use your own plate, glass, and china, show the waiters where to
+find them, as well as the table cloths, napkins, and other things they
+may require. If you hire the service from the confectioner's or
+restaurateur's where you order your supper, you have only to show your
+waiters where to spread supper, and tell them the hour.
+
+You will have to place at least four rooms at the disposal of your
+guests--the supper room, and two dressing-rooms, beside the
+drawing-room.
+
+In the morning, see that the fires in your rooms are in good order; and
+in the drawing-room, it is best to have it so arranged that the heat can
+be lessened towards evening, as the crowd, and dancing, will make it
+excessively uncomfortable if the rooms are too warm. See that the lights
+are in good order, and if you propose to have music instead of dancing,
+or to use your piano for dancing music, have it put in good tune in the
+morning. If you intend to dance, and do not wish to take up the carpets,
+you will find it economical, as well as much pleasanter, to cover them
+with coarse white muslin or linen; be sure it is fastened down smoothly,
+firmly, and drawn tightly over the carpets.
+
+Do not remove all the chairs from the parlor; or, if this is necessary,
+leave some in the hall, for those who wish to rest after dancing.
+
+In the dining-room, unless it will accommodate all your guests at once,
+have a silk cord so fastened that, when the room is full, it can be
+drawn across the door-way; those following the guests already in the
+room, will then return to the parlor, and wait their turn. A still
+better way, is to set the supper table twice, inviting the married and
+elderly people to go into the first table, and then, after it is ready
+for the second time, let the young folks go up.
+
+Two dressing-rooms must be ready; one for the ladies, and the other for
+the gentlemen. Have both these rooms comfortably heated, and well
+lighted. Nothing can be more disagreeable than cold, ill-lighted rooms
+to dress in, particularly if your guests come in half-frozen by the
+cold of a winter's night, or still worse, damp from a stormy one.
+
+Be sure that there is plenty of water, soap and towels on the washstand,
+two or three brushes and combs on the bureau, two mirrors, one large and
+one small, and a pin cushion, well filled with large and small pins.
+
+In the ladies' room, have one, or if your party is large, two women to
+wait upon your guests; to remove their cloaks, overshoes, and hoods, and
+assist them in smoothing their dresses or hair. After each guest removes
+her shawl and hood, let one of the maids roll all the things she lays
+aside into a bundle, and put it where she can easily find it. It is an
+admirable plan, and prevents much confusion, to pin to each bundle, a
+card, or strip of paper, (previously prepared,) with the name of the
+person to whom it belongs written clearly and distinctly upon it.
+
+Upon the bureau in the ladies' room, have a supply of hair-pins, and a
+workbox furnished with everything requisite to repair any accident that
+may happen to the dress of a guest. It is well, also, to have Eau de
+Cologne, hartshorn, and salts, in case of sudden faintness.
+
+In the gentlemen's room, place a clothes brush and boot-jack.
+
+It is best to send out your invitations by your own servant, or one
+hired for that purpose especially. It is ill-bred to send invitations
+either by the dispatch, or through the post-office; and besides being
+discourteous, you risk offending your friends, as these modes of
+delivery are proverbially uncertain.
+
+Be dressed and ready to receive your guests in good season, as some, in
+their desire to be punctual, may come before the time appointed. It is
+better to be ready too soon, than too late, as your guests will feel
+painfully embarrassed if you are not ready to receive them.
+
+For the early part of the evening, take a position in your parlor, near
+or opposite to the door, that each guest may find you easily. It is not
+necessary to remain all the evening nailed to this one spot, but stay
+near it until your guests have all or nearly all assembled. Late comers
+will of course expect to find you entertaining your guests.
+
+As each guest or party enter the room, advance a few steps to meet them,
+speaking first to the lady, or if there are several ladies, to the
+eldest, then to the younger ones, and finally to the gentlemen. If the
+new comers are acquainted with those already in the room, they will
+leave you, after a few words of greeting, to join their friends; but if
+they are strangers to the city, or making their first visit to your
+house, introduce them to a friend who is well acquainted in your circle,
+who will entertain them till you can again join them and introduce them
+to others.
+
+Do not leave the room during the evening. To see a hostess fidgeting,
+constantly going in and out, argues ill for her tact in arranging the
+house for company. With well-trained waiters, you need give yourself no
+uneasiness about the arrangements outside of the parlors.
+
+The perfection of good breeding in a hostess, is perfect ease of
+manner; for the time she should appear to have no thought or care beyond
+the pleasure of her guests.
+
+Have a waiter in the hall to open the front door, and another at the
+head of the first flight of stairs, to point out to the ladies and
+gentlemen their respective dressing-rooms.
+
+Never try to outshine your guests in dress. It is vulgar in the extreme.
+A hostess should be dressed as simply as is consistent with the
+occasion, wearing, if she will, the richest fabrics, exquisitely made,
+but avoiding any display of jewels or gay colors, such as will be,
+probably, more conspicuous than those worn by her guests.
+
+Remember, from the moment your first guest enters the parlor, you must
+forget yourself entirely to make the evening pleasant for others. Your
+duties will call you from one group to another, and require constant
+watchfulness that no one guest is slighted. Be careful that none of the
+company are left to mope alone from being unacquainted with other
+guests. Introduce gentlemen to ladies, and gentlemen to gentlemen,
+ladies to ladies.
+
+It requires much skill and tact to make a party for conversation only,
+go off pleasantly. You must invite only such guests as will mutually
+please, and you must be careful about introductions. If you have a
+literary lion upon your list, it is well to invite other lions to meet
+him or her, that the attention may not be constantly concentrated upon
+one person. Where you see a couple conversing slowly and wearily, stir
+them up with a few sprightly words, and introduce a new person, either
+to make a trio, or, as a substitute in the duet, carrying off the other
+one of the couple to find a more congenial companion elsewhere. Never
+interrupt an earnest or apparently interesting conversation. Neither
+party will thank you, even if you propose the most delightful
+substitute.
+
+If your party meet for reading, have a table with the books in the
+centre of the apartment, that will divide the room, those reading being
+on one side, the listeners on the other. Be careful here not to endeavor
+to shine above your guests, leaving to them the most prominent places,
+and taking, cheerfully, a subordinate place. On the other hand, if you
+are urged to display any talent you may possess in this way, remember
+your only desire is to please your guests, and if they are really
+desirous to listen to you, comply, gracefully and promptly, with their
+wishes.
+
+If you have dancing, and have not engaged a band, it is best to hire a
+pianist for the evening to play dancing music. You will find it
+exceedingly wearisome to play yourself all the evening, and it is
+ill-bred to ask any guest to play for others to dance. This victimizing
+of some obliging guest is only too common, but no true lady will ever be
+guilty of such rudeness. If there are several members of the family able
+and willing to play, let them divide this duty amongst them, or, if you
+wish to play yourself, do so. If any guest, in this case, offers to
+relieve you, accept their kindness for _one_ dance only. Young people,
+who enjoy dancing, but who also play well, will often stay on the
+piano-stool all the evening, because their own good-nature will not
+allow them to complain, and their hostess wilfully, or through
+negligence, permits the tax.
+
+See that your guests are well provided with partners, introducing every
+gentleman and lady who dances, to one who will dance well with them. Be
+careful that none sit still through your negligence in providing
+partners.
+
+Do not dance yourself, when, by so doing, you are preventing a guest
+from enjoying that pleasure. If a lady is wanted to make up a set, then
+dance, or if, late in the evening, you have but few lady dancers left,
+but do not interfere with the pleasure in others. If invited, say that
+you do not wish to take the place of a guest upon the floor, and
+introduce the gentleman who invites you to some lady friend who dances.
+
+It is very pleasant in a dancing party to have ices _alone_, handed
+round at about ten o'clock, having supper set two or three hours later.
+They are very refreshing, when it would be too early to have the more
+substantial supper announced.
+
+It is very customary now, even in large parties, to have no refreshments
+but ice-cream, lemonade, and cake, or, in summer, fruit, cake, and ices.
+It is less troublesome, as well as less expensive, than a hot supper,
+and the custom will be a good one to adopt permanently.
+
+One word of warning to all hostesses. You can never know, when you place
+wine or brandy before your guests, whom you may be tempting to utter
+ruin. Better, far better, to have a reputation as strict, or mean, than
+by your example, or the temptation you offer, to have the sin upon your
+soul of having put poison before those who partook of your hospitality.
+It is not necessary; hospitality and generosity do not require it, and
+you will have the approval of all who truly love you for your good
+qualities, if you resolutely refuse to have either wine or any other
+intoxicating liquor upon your supper-table.
+
+If the evening of your party is stormy, let a waiter stand in the
+vestibule with a _large_ umbrella, to meet the ladies at the carriage
+door, and protect them whilst crossing the pavement and steps.
+
+When your guests take leave of you, it will be in the drawing-room, and
+let that farewell be final. Do not accompany them to the dressing-room,
+and never stop them in the hall for a last word. Many ladies do not like
+to display their "sortie du soiree" before a crowded room, and you will
+be keeping their escort waiting. Say farewell in the parlor, and do not
+repeat it.
+
+If your party is mixed, that is, conversation, dancing, and music are
+all mingled, remember it is your place to invite a guest to sing or
+play, and be careful not to offend any amateur performers by forgetting
+to invite them to favor the company. If they decline, never urge the
+matter. If the refusal proceeds from unwillingness or inability on that
+occasion, it is rude to insist; and if they refuse for the sake of being
+urged, they will be justly punished by a disappointment. If you have
+guests who, performing badly, will expect an invitation to play,
+sacrifice their desire to the good of the others, pass them by. It is
+torture to listen to bad music.
+
+Do not ask a guest to sing or play more than once. This is her fair
+share, and you have no right to tax her too severely to entertain your
+other guests. If, however, the performance is so pleasing that others
+ask for a repetition, then you too may request it, thanking the
+performer for the pleasure given.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI.
+
+EVENING PARTIES.
+
+ETIQUETTE FOR THE GUEST.
+
+
+Upon receiving an invitation for an evening party, answer it
+immediately, that your hostess may know for how many guests she must
+provide. If, after accepting an invitation, any unforeseen event
+prevents your keeping the engagement, write a second note, containing
+your regrets. The usual form is:--
+
+ _Miss G---- accepts with pleasure Miss S----'s polite
+ invitation for Monday next_;
+
+ or,
+
+ _Miss G---- regrets that a prior engagement will prevent her
+ accepting Miss S----'s kind invitation for Monday evening._
+
+Punctuality is a mark of politeness, if your invitation states the hour
+at which your hostess will be ready to welcome you. Do not be more than
+half an hour later than the time named, but if unavoidably detained,
+make no apology when you meet your hostess; it will be in bad taste to
+speak of your want of punctuality.
+
+When you arrive at your friend's house, do not stop to speak to any one
+in the hall, or upon the stairs, but go immediately to the dressing
+room. The gentleman who accompanies you will go to the door of the
+lady's room, leave you, to remove his own hat and over-coat, and then
+return to the door to wait for you.
+
+In the dressing-room, do not push forward to the mirror if you see that
+others are before you there. Wait for your turn, then perform the
+needful arrangements of your toilette quickly, and re-join your escort
+as soon as possible. If you meet friends in the lady's-room, do not stop
+there to chat; you keep your escort waiting, and your friends will join
+you in the parlor a few moments later.
+
+Avoid all confidential communications or private remarks in the
+dressing-room. You may be overheard, and give pain or cause annoyance by
+your untimely conversation.
+
+When you enter the parlor, go immediately to your hostess, and speak to
+her; if the gentleman attending you is a stranger to the lady of the
+house, introduce him, and then join the other guests, as by delaying, to
+converse too long with your hostess, you may prevent her speaking to
+others who have arrived later than yourself.
+
+If you have no escort, you may with perfect propriety send for the
+master of the house, to wait upon you from the dressing-room to the
+parlor, and as soon as you have spoken to the hostess, thank your host
+and release him, as the same attention may be required by others.
+Again, when alone, if you meet a friend in the dressing-room, you may
+ask the privilege of entering the parlor with her and her escort; or, if
+she also is alone, there is no impropriety in _two_ ladies going into
+the room unattended by a gentleman.
+
+While you maintain a cheerful deportment, avoid loud talking and
+laughing, and still more carefully avoid any action or gesture that may
+attract attention and make you conspicuous.
+
+When dressing for a party, while you show that you honor the occasion by
+a tasteful dress, avoid glaring colors, or any conspicuous ornament or
+style of costume.
+
+Avoid long tete-a-tete conversations; they are in bad taste, and to hold
+confidential communication, especially with gentlemen, is still worse.
+
+Do not make any display of affection for even your dearest friend;
+kissing in public, or embracing, are in bad taste. Walking with arms
+encircling waists, or such demonstrative tokens of love, are marks of
+low breeding.
+
+Avoid crossing the room alone, and never run, even if you feel
+embarrassed, and wish to cross quickly.
+
+If you are a musician, and certain that you will confer pleasure by a
+display of your talents, do not make a show of reluctance when invited
+to play or sing. Comply gracefully, and after one piece, leave the
+instrument. Be careful to avoid the appearance of wishing to be invited,
+and, above all, never hint that this would be agreeable. If your hostess
+has requested you to bring your notes, and you are dependent upon them,
+bring them, and quietly place them on the music stand, or, still
+better, send them in the afternoon. It is a better plan, if you are
+called upon frequently to contribute in this way to the evening's
+amusement, to learn a few pieces so as to play them perfectly well
+without notes.
+
+Never attempt any piece before company, unless you are certain that you
+can play it without mistake or hesitation. When you have finished your
+song or piece, rise instantly from the piano stool, as your hostess may
+wish to invite another guest to take the place. If you have a reason for
+declining to play, do so decidedly when first invited, and do not change
+your decision.
+
+If your hostess or any of the family play for the guests to dance, it is
+both polite and kind to offer to relieve them; and if truly polite
+themselves, they will not take advantage of the offer, to _over_ tax
+your good nature.
+
+When others are playing or singing, listen quietly and attentively; to
+laugh or talk loudly when there is music in the room, is rude, both
+toward the performer and your hostess. If you are conversing at the time
+the music begins, and you find that your companion is not disposed to
+listen to the performer at the harp or piano, converse in a low tone,
+and take a position at some distance from the instrument.
+
+If the rooms are not large enough for all the guests to dance at one
+time, do not dance every set, even if invited. It is ill-bred and
+selfish.
+
+When you go up to supper, do not accept anything from any gentleman but
+the one who has escorted you from the parlor. If others offer you, as
+they probably will, any refreshment, say that Mr. ---- (naming your
+escort) has gone to get you what you desire. He has a right to be
+offended, if, after telling him what you wish for, he returns to find
+you already supplied. It is quite as rude to offer what he brings to
+another lady. Her escort is probably on the same errand from which yours
+has just returned. It may seem trivial and childish to warn a lady
+against putting cakes or bon-bons in her pocket at supper, yet it is
+often done by those who would deeply resent the accusation of rudeness
+or meanness. It is not only ill-bred, but it gives rise, if seen, to
+suspicions that you are so little accustomed to society, or so starved
+at home, that you are ignorant of the forms of etiquette, or are forced
+to the theft by positive hunger.
+
+If you are obliged to leave the company at an earlier hour than the
+other guests, say so to your hostess in a low tone, when you have an
+opportunity, and then stay a short time in the room, and slip out
+unperceived. By a formal leave-taking, you may lead others to suppose
+the hour later than it is in reality, and thus deprive your hostess of
+other guests, who, but for your example, would have remained longer.
+French leave is preferable to a formal leave-taking upon such occasions.
+
+If you remain until the usual hour for breaking up, go to your hostess
+before you leave the room, express the pleasure you have enjoyed, and
+bid her farewell.
+
+Within the next week, you should call upon your hostess, if it is the
+first party you have attended at her house. If she is an intimate
+friend, the call should be made within a fortnight.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII.
+
+VISITING.
+
+ETIQUETTE FOR THE HOSTESS.
+
+
+When you write to invite a friend to visit you, name a time when it will
+be convenient and agreeable for you to receive her, and if she accepts
+your invitation, so arrange your duties and engagements that they will
+not interfere with your devoting the principal part of your time to the
+entertainment of your guest. If you have certain duties which must be
+performed daily, say so frankly when she first arrives, and see that
+during the time you are so occupied she has work, reading, music, or
+some other employment, to pass the time away pleasantly.
+
+Have a room prepared especially for her use, and let her occupy it
+alone. Many persons have a dislike to any one sleeping with them, and
+will be kept awake by a companion in the room or bed. Above all, do not
+put a child to sleep in the chamber with your guest.
+
+The day before your friend arrives, have her room swept, dusted, and
+aired; put clean, fresh linen upon the bed, see that the curtains are in
+good order, the locks in perfect repair, and the closet or wardrobe and
+bureau empty for her clothes. Have upon the bureau a pin cushion well
+filled, hair pins, brush and comb, and two mirrors, one large, and one
+small for the hand, as she may wish to smooth her hair, without
+unpacking her own toilet articles. Upon the washstand, have two pitchers
+full of water, a cup, tumbler, soap-dish and soap, basin, brush-dish,
+and a sponge, wash rag, and plenty of clean towels.
+
+Have both a feather bed and a mattress upon the bedstead, that she may
+place whichever she prefers uppermost. Two sheets, a blanket, quilt, and
+counterpane, should be on the bed, and there should be two extra
+blankets in the room, should she require more covering in the night.
+
+On the mantel piece, place a few books that she may read, if she wishes,
+before sleeping. Have upon the mantel piece a box of matches, and if the
+room is not lighted by gas, have also a supply of candles in a box, and
+a candlestick.
+
+If the room is not heated by a furnace, be careful that the fire is made
+every morning before she rises, and keep a good supply of fuel in the
+room.
+
+Besides the larger chairs, have a low one, to use while changing the
+shoes or washing the feet.
+
+Upon the table, place a full supply of writing materials, as your guest
+may wish to send word of her safe arrival before unpacking her own
+writing-desk. Put two or three postage stamps upon this table.
+
+Be sure that bells, locks, hinges, and windows, are all in perfect
+order.
+
+Before your guest arrives, go to her room. If it is in winter, have a
+good fire, hot water on the washstand, and see that the windows are
+tightly closed, and the room cheerful with sunshine, or plenty of candle
+or gas light. If in summer, draw the curtains, bow the shutters, open
+the windows, and have a fan upon the table. It is well to have a bath
+ready, should your guest desire that refreshment after the dust and heat
+of traveling.
+
+When the time arrives at which you may expect your guest, send a
+carriage to the station to meet her, and, if possible, go yourself, or
+send some member of the family to welcome her there. After her baggage
+is on the carriage, drive immediately to the house, and be certain all
+is ready there for her comfort.
+
+As soon as she is at your house, have her trunks carried immediately to
+her own room, and lead her there yourself. Then, after warmly assuring
+her how welcome she is, leave her alone to change her dress, bathe, or
+lie down if she wishes. If her journey has been a long one, and it is
+not the usual hour for your next meal, have a substantial repast ready
+for her about half an hour after her arrival, with tea or coffee.
+
+If she arrives late at night, after she has removed her bonnet and
+bathed her face, invite her to partake of a substantial supper, and then
+pity her weariness and lead the way to her room. She may politely assert
+that she can still sit up and talk, but be careful you do not keep her
+up too long; and do not waken her in the morning. After the first day,
+she will, of course, desire to breakfast at your usual hour, but if she
+has had a long, fatiguing journey, she will be glad to sleep late the
+first day. Be careful that she has a hot breakfast ready when she does
+rise, and take a seat at the table to wait upon her.
+
+After the chambermaid has arranged the guest-chamber in the morning, go
+in yourself and see that all is in order, and comfortable, and that
+there is plenty of fresh water and towels, the bed properly made, and
+the room dusted. Then do not go in again through the day, unless
+invited. If you are constantly running in, to put a chair back, open or
+shut the windows, or arrange the furniture, you will entirely destroy
+the pleasantest part of your guest's visit, by reminding her that she is
+not at home, and must not take liberties, even in her own room. It
+looks, too, as if you were afraid to trust her, and thought she would
+injure the furniture.
+
+If you have children, forbid them to enter the room your friend
+occupies, unless she invites them to do so, or they are sent there with
+a message.
+
+If your household duties will occupy your time for some hours in the
+morning, introduce your guest to the piano, book-case, or picture-folio,
+and place all at her service. When your duties are finished, either join
+her in her own room, or invite her to sit with you, and work, chatting,
+meanwhile, together. If you keep your own carriage, place it at her
+disposal as soon as she arrives.
+
+If she is a stranger in the city, accompany her to the points of
+interest she may wish to visit, and also offer to show her where to find
+the best goods, should she wish to do any shopping.
+
+Enquire of your visitor if there is any particular habit she may wish to
+indulge in, such as rising late, retiring early, lying down in the
+daytime, or any other habit that your family do not usually follow. If
+there is, arrange it so that she may enjoy her peculiarity in comfort.
+If there is any dish which is distasteful to her, avoid placing it upon
+the table during her visit, and if she mentions, in conversation, any
+favorite dish, have it frequently placed before her.
+
+If she is accustomed to eat just before retiring, and your family do not
+take supper, see that something is sent to her room every night.
+
+If your friend has intimate friends in the same city, beside yourself,
+it is an act of kindly courtesy to invite them to dinner, tea, or to
+pass a day, and when calls are made, and you see that it would be
+pleasant, invite the caller to remain to dinner or tea.
+
+Never accept any invitation, either to a party, ball, or public
+entertainment, that does not include your guest. In answering the
+invitation give that as your reason for declining, when another note
+will be sent enclosing an invitation for her. If the invitation is from
+an intimate friend, say, in answering it, that your guest is with you,
+and that she will accompany you.
+
+It is a mistaken idea to suppose that hospitality and courtesy require
+_constant_ attention to a guest. There are times when she may prefer to
+be alone, either to write letters, to read, or practice. Some ladies
+follow a guest from one room to another, never leaving them alone for a
+single instant, when they would enjoy an hour or two in the library or
+at the piano, but do not like to say so.
+
+The best rule is to make your guest feel that she is heartily welcome,
+and perfectly at home.
+
+When she is ready to leave you, see that her trunks are strapped in time
+by the servants, have a carriage ready to take her to the station, have
+the breakfast or dinner at an hour that will suit her, prepare a
+luncheon for her to carry, and let some gentleman in the family escort
+her to the wharf, check her trunks, and procure her tickets.
+
+If your guest is in mourning, decline any invitations to parties or
+places of amusement whilst she is with you. Show her by such little
+attentions that you sympathize in her recent affliction, and that the
+pleasure of her society, and the love you bear her, make such sacrifices
+of gayety trifling, compared with the sweet duty of comforting her.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII.
+
+VISITING.
+
+ETIQUETTE FOR THE GUEST.
+
+
+As a first rule with regard to paying a visit, the best one is, never to
+accept a _general_ invitation. Instances are very common where women (I
+cannot say _ladies_) have, upon a slight acquaintance, and a "When you
+are in C---- I should be very happy to have you visit me," actually gone
+to C---- from their own home, and, with bag and baggage, quartered
+themselves upon the hospitality of their newly made friend, for weeks at
+a time.
+
+Even where there is a long standing friendship it is not well to visit
+uninvited. It is impossible for you, in another city, to know exactly
+when it will be convenient for your friend to have you visit her, unless
+she tells you, and that will, of course, be a special invitation.
+
+If your friends are really desirous to have you pay them a visit, they
+will name a time when it will be convenient and agreeable to have you
+come, and you may accept the invitation with the certainty that you will
+not incommode them.
+
+Self-proposed visits are still worse. You, in a manner, force an
+invitation from your friend when you tell her that you can come at a
+certain time, unless you have previously arranged to let her know when
+you can be her guest. In that case, your own time is understood to be
+the most agreeable for her.
+
+If, whilst traveling, you pass through a town where you have friends
+whom you wish to visit, and who would be hurt if you omitted to do so,
+go first to a hotel, and either call or send word that you are there.
+Then, it is optional with them to extend their hospitality or not. Do
+not be offended if it is not done. The love for you may be undiminished,
+and the desire to entertain you very great, yet family reasons may
+render such an invitation as you expect, impossible. Your friend may
+have engagements or duties at the time, that would prevent her making
+the visit pleasant for you, and wish to postpone the invitation until
+she can entertain you as she wishes.
+
+To drive, trunks and all, in such a case, to your friend's house,
+without a word of warning, is unkind, as well as ill-bred. You force her
+to invite you to stay, when it may be inconvenient, and, even if she is
+really glad to see you, and wishes you to make a prolonged visit, you
+may feel certain she would have preferred to know you were coming. If
+she really loves you, her natural desire would be to have everything
+ready to give you a comfortable reception, and not have to leave you,
+perhaps with your traveling costume on, for an hour or two, while she
+prepares a room for you. It is not enough to say, at such a time, "Don't
+mind me," or, "Treat me as one of the family." However much her
+politeness or love may conceal annoyance, be sure, in her secret heart
+she _does_ mind you, and remember you are _not_ one of her private
+family.
+
+To take the liberty of going to the house of a mere acquaintance, for a
+night or two, while traveling, without invitation, is making a
+convenience of them, and wears the appearance of wishing to save the
+customary hotel-bill, so, while it is extremely ill-bred and
+impertinent, it is also excessively mean.
+
+In case of relationship, or long intimate friendship, an unexpected
+visit may be pardoned and give pleasure, but it is better to avoid it,
+as the pleasure will surely be increased if your relative or friend has
+time to prepare for your reception as her love will prompt, and arrange
+her duties and engagements to really enjoy your company.
+
+When you receive an invitation by letter to visit a friend, answer it
+immediately, thanking her for her proffered hospitality, and say
+decidedly then whether you can accept or decline.
+
+If you accept the invitation, state in your letter by what train, and at
+what hour you will arrive, that she may meet you, and let nothing but
+positive necessity keep you from being punctually at the time and place
+appointed. To linger by the way, for mere pleasure, and make her come
+several times to meet you, is unkind, as well as ill-bred. If you are
+unavoidably detained, write to her, state the reason that will prevent
+your keeping the appointment, and name another time when you can come.
+
+It is well in answering a letter of invitation, to state the limits of
+your visit, and then to keep them. If she is unwilling to let you go,
+and you are tempted to stay, that very fact promises well for the
+pleasure of a second visit. It is better to leave while all will regret
+you, than to linger on until you have worn out your welcome.
+
+Inquire, as soon as possible after your arrival, what are the regular
+habits of the family; the hours for rising, for meals, and for retiring,
+and then be punctual in your attendance. Many ladies are very
+ceremonious about waiting for a guest, and by delay in your room, or
+inattention to the time, when you are out, you will keep the whole
+family waiting.
+
+If you do not wake early enough for the usual breakfast hour, request
+the chambermaid to knock at your door in time for you to be ready to go
+down with the family. Before you leave your room in the morning, take
+the clothes off your bed, throw the upper bed over the foot-board, and
+then open all the windows (unless it storms), that room and bed may be
+thoroughly aired before you sit there again.
+
+After breakfast, ask your hostess if you can be of any assistance to her
+in the household duties. If she declines your services, do not follow
+her from room to room whilst she is thus engaged, but take your work,
+books, or music to the sitting room or parlor, until your own room is
+ready for you. By thus proving that you can occupy yourself pleasantly,
+while she is away, you make it less annoying to her to feel the
+obligation to leave you.
+
+As soon as you see that she is ready to sew and chat, leave your book,
+or, if in your own room, come to the sitting room, where she is, and
+work with her. It is polite and kind, if you see that she has a large
+supply of family sewing, to offer to assist her, but if she positively
+declines your aid, then have some work of your own on hand, that you may
+sew with her. Many pleasant mornings may be spent while visiting, by one
+lady reading aloud whilst the other sews, alternating the work.
+
+It is a pretty compliment to repay the hospitality of your hostess, by
+working whilst with her upon some piece of fancy work, a chair cover,
+sofa cushion, or pair of ottomans, presenting them to her when finished,
+as a keepsake. They will be duly appreciated, and remind her constantly
+of the pleasures of your visit.
+
+If you pass the morning out of the house, remember your time is hers,
+and have no engagement to interfere with the plans she has laid for
+entertaining you. Observe this rule during your whole visit, and do not
+act independent of her plans. By constantly forming engagements without
+her knowledge, going out without her, or staying in when she has made
+some excursion or party for your pleasure, you insult her, by intimating
+that her house is no more to you than a hotel, to sleep and eat in,
+while your pleasures lie elsewhere.
+
+After dinner, retire for an hour to your own room, that your hostess may
+lie down if she is accustomed to do so. If the hours kept are later than
+you have been accustomed to, or if the gayety of the family keeps you
+out at party or opera, it is best to sleep after dinner, even if you do
+not always do it. To give signs of weariness in the evening will be
+excessively rude, implying want of enjoyment, and making your hostess
+feel hurt and annoyed.
+
+If you have shopping to do, find out where the best stores are, and then
+go to them alone, unless your hostess will accompany you upon similar
+business of her own. Do not tax her good nature to go, merely for the
+sake of aiding you as guide. If one of the children in the family is
+familiar with the stores and streets, ask her to accompany you, and be
+careful to acknowledge the kindness by buying something especially for
+the child whilst she is out with you, if it is only some cakes or
+bonbons. Choose an hour when you are certain your hostess has made no
+other engagement for you, or while she is busy in her domestic duties,
+for these shopping excursions. Offer, when you are going, to attend to
+any shopping she may want, and ask if there is any commission you can
+execute for her while you are out.
+
+While on a visit to one friend, do not accept too many invitations from
+others, and avoid spending too much time in paying calls where your
+hostess is not acquainted. You owe the greater portion of your time and
+society to the lady whose hospitality you are accepting, and it is best
+to decline invitations from other houses, unless they inclose one for
+your hostess also.
+
+Avoid paying any visits in a family not upon good terms with your
+hostess. If such a family are very dear friends of your own, or you can
+claim an acquaintance, pleasant upon both sides, with them, write, and
+state candidly the reason why you cannot visit them, and they will
+appreciate your delicacy.
+
+If, while on a visit to one friend, you receive an invitation to spend
+some time with another friend in the same place, accept it for the
+period which you have named as the termination of your first visit. You
+insult your hostess by shortening your visit to her to accept another
+invitation, and quite as much of an insult is it, to take the time from
+the first visit to go to pay another, and then return to your first
+hostess, unless such an arrangement has been made immediately upon your
+arrival.
+
+Never invite any friend who may call upon you to stay to dinner or tea;
+you will be taking a most unwarrantable liberty in so doing. This is the
+right of your hostess, and if, by her silence, she tacitly declines
+extending this courtesy, you will be guilty of impertinence in usurping
+her privilege.
+
+Never take any one who calls upon you into any room but the parlor,
+unless invited to do so by your hostess. You have, of course, the
+_entree_ of other rooms, but you have no right to extend this privilege
+to others.
+
+If you have many gentlemen visiters, check too frequent calls, and make
+no appointments with them. If they show you any such attention as to
+offer to drive you to places of interest, or visit with you picture
+galleries or public places, always consult your hostess before accepting
+such civilities, and decline them if she has made other engagements for
+you. If you receive an invitation to visit any place of public
+amusement, decline it, unless one of the family with whom you are
+staying is also invited. In that case you may accept. If the gentleman
+who invites you is a stranger to the family, introduce him to your
+hostess, or mention her name in conversation. He will then, if he
+really desires you to accept his proffered attention, include her in the
+invitation.
+
+When visiting in a family where the members are in mourning, decline all
+invitations to parties or places of public amusement. It is an insult to
+them to leave them to join in pleasure from which their recent
+affliction excludes them. Your visit at such a time will be prompted by
+sympathy in their trouble, and for the time it is thoughtful and
+delicate to make their sorrows yours.
+
+If sudden sickness or family trouble come to your friend whilst you are
+with her, _unless you can really be useful_, shorten your visit. In time
+of trouble families generally like to be alone, all in all to each
+other; and a visitor is felt a constant restraint.
+
+If death comes while you are with your friend, endeavor to take from her
+as much of the care as you can, a really sympathizing friend is an
+inexpressible comfort at such a time, as the trying details which must
+be taken in charge by some one, will be less trying to her than to a
+member of the family. Do the necessary shopping for your friend, and
+relieve her of as much family care as you can. Let her feel that you are
+really glad that you are near her in her affliction, and repay the
+hospitality she offered in her season of joy by showing her that her
+sorrow makes her still more dear, and that, while you can enjoy the
+gayety of her house, you will not flee from its mourning. When your
+presence can be of no further service, then leave her.
+
+Put out your washing and ironing when on a visit. It is annoying and
+ill-bred to throw your soiled clothes into the family wash.
+
+Take with you, from home, all the writing and sewing materials you may
+require while paying your visit. It is annoying to be constantly
+requested by a visitor to lend her scissors, pins, needles, or paper; no
+lady should be without her own portfolio and work-box.
+
+Be very careful not to injure any article of furniture in your sleeping
+apartment, and if, unfortunately, anything suffers from your
+carelessness, have the accident repaired, or the article replaced, at
+your own expense.
+
+When your visit is over, give a present to each of the servants, varying
+its value, according to the length of your visit or the services you may
+have required. You will add to the pleasure by presenting such gifts
+yourself, with a few pleasant words.
+
+Never compare the house you may be visiting with your own, or any other
+you may visit. Avoid also speaking of any house where you may have been
+a guest in terms of overpraise, giving glowing pictures of its splendor.
+Your hostess may imagine you are drawing comparisons unfavorable to your
+present residence. Also avoid speaking unfavorably of any former visit,
+as your hostess will naturally conclude that her turn for censure will
+come as soon as your visit is over.
+
+If any family secret comes to your knowledge while you are on a visit in
+that family, remember the hospitality extended to you binds you to the
+most inviolable secrecy. It is mean, contemptible, rude, and ill-bred to
+make your entertainers regret their hospitality by betraying any such
+confidence; for it is as sacred a confidence as if you were bound over
+to silence in the most solemn manner.
+
+After paying a visit, you should write to your hostess as soon as you
+reach home again; thank her in this letter for her hospitality, speak
+warmly of the enjoyment you have had in your recent visit, and mention
+by name every member of the family, desiring to be remembered to all.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX.
+
+MORNING RECEPTIONS OR CALLS.
+
+ETIQUETTE FOR THE HOSTESS.
+
+
+If your circle of visiting acquaintance is very large, while at the same
+time your time is fully occupied, or your home duties make it
+inconvenient to dress every morning to receive visitors, it is a good
+plan to set aside one morning in the week for a reception day.
+
+Upon your own visiting cards, below the name, put the day when it will
+be proper to return the visit, thus:
+
+ MRS. JAMES HUNTER.
+
+ AT HOME WEDNESDAYS.
+
+ _No. 1718 C---- st._
+
+Your friends will, unless there is some especial reason for a call in
+the interval, pay their visit upon the day named.
+
+Let nothing, but the most imperative duty, call you out upon your
+reception day. Your callers are, in a measure, invited guests, and it
+will be an insulting mark of rudeness to be out when they call. Neither
+can you be excused, except in case of sickness.
+
+Having appointed the day when you will be at home to see your friends,
+you must, for that day, prepare to give your time wholly to them. The
+usual hours for morning receptions are from twelve to three, and you
+should be dressed, and ready for callers, at least half an hour before
+that time.
+
+To come in, flushed from a hurried toilette, to meet your first callers,
+is unbecoming as well as rude.
+
+Your dress should be handsome, but not showy. A silk or cashmere
+wrapper, richly trimmed, over an embroidered skirt, with a pretty cap,
+or the hair neatly arranged without head-dress, is a becoming and
+appropriate dress. Still better is a rich but plain silk, made high in
+the neck, with long sleeves. Wear a handsomely embroidered, or lace
+collar, and sleeves, and a rather dressy cap, or, still better, the hair
+alone, prettily arranged.
+
+As each visitor arrives, rise, and advance part of the way to meet her.
+If gentlemen, rise, but do not advance.
+
+It is not customary now to introduce callers at these morning
+receptions, though you can do so with perfect propriety where you know
+such an introduction will be agreeable to both parties.
+
+In introducing a gentleman to a lady, address her first, as--
+
+"Miss Jones, permit me to introduce Mr. Lee;" and, when introducing a
+young lady to a matron, you introduce the younger one to the elder, as--
+
+"Mrs. Green, allow me to introduce to you my friend, Miss Brown."
+
+In introducing strangers in the city it is well to name the place of
+their residence, as--Mr. James of Germany, or, Mr. Brown of New York,
+or, if they have recently returned from abroad, it is well to say so,
+as, Mr. Lee, lately from India; this is useful in starting conversation.
+
+Be careful, when introducing your friends, to pronounce the name of each
+one clearly and distinctly, that there may be no mistake or necessity
+for repetition.
+
+It is a good plan, if your receptions are usually largely attended, to
+have books and pictures on the centre table, and scattered about your
+parlors. You must, of course, converse with each caller, but many will
+remain in the room for a long time, and these trifles are excellent
+pastime, and serve as subjects for conversation.
+
+It requires much tact to know when to introduce friends, when to take
+refuge under the shield fashion offers, and not make them acquainted
+with each other. It is a positive cruelty to force a talented, witty
+person, to converse with one who is ignorant and dull, as they will, of
+course, be obliged to do, if introduced.
+
+A well-bred lady, who is receiving several visitors at a time, pays
+equal attention to all, and attempts, as much as possible, to generalize
+the conversation, turning to all in succession. The last arrival,
+however, receives a little more attention at first, than the others.
+
+If it is not agreeable to you to set aside a day for the especial
+reception of callers, and you have a large circle of acquaintances, be
+ready to receive them each day that you are at home.
+
+If you are engaged, let the servant say so when she opens the door, and
+do not send down that message after your friend has been admitted. If
+she is told when she arrives that you are engaged, she will understand
+that you are denied to _all_ callers, but if that message comes after
+she has sent up her card, she may draw the inference that you will not
+see _her_, though you may see other friends.
+
+Never keep a caller waiting whilst you make an elaborate toilette. If
+you are not ready for visitors, it is best to enter the parlor in your
+wrapper, apologizing for it, than to keep your friend waiting whilst you
+change your dress.
+
+If a stranger calls, bringing a letter of introduction, and sends the
+letter, you may read it before going down stairs, but if they wait till
+you are in the parlor before presenting the letter, merely glance at the
+signature and at the name of your caller; do not read the letter
+through, unless it is very short, or you are requested by the bearer to
+do so.
+
+If you have a friend staying with you, invite her to join you in the
+parlor when you have callers, and introduce her to your friends.
+
+If you wish to invite a caller to stay to luncheon or dinner, give the
+invitation as soon as you have exchanged greetings, not after she has
+been seated for some time. In the latter case it appears like an after
+thought, not, as in the former, as if from a real desire to have the
+pleasure of her company.
+
+If you have but one caller at a time, rise when she does, and accompany
+her to the vestibule; but, if there are several in the room, rise when
+each one does, but only accompany them to the parlor door; there take
+leave of them, and return to those who still remain seated.
+
+If, after affliction, your friends call before you are able to see them,
+do not fear to give offence by declining to receive them. They will
+respect your sorrow, and the call is made more to show their sympathy
+than from a desire to converse with you.
+
+Visits of condolence, paid between the death of one of your family and
+the day of the funeral, you may always excuse yourself from, with
+perfect propriety. They are made in kindness, and show interest, but if
+you decline seeing such callers, there is no offence given.
+
+In parting from a gentleman caller, rise when he does, and remain
+standing until he leaves the room, but do not go towards the door.
+
+When a gentleman calls in the morning he will not remove his outside
+coat, and will hold his hat in his hand. Never offer to take the latter,
+and do not invite him to remove his coat. Take no notice of either one
+or the other.
+
+If strangers in the city call upon you, enquire at what hotel they are
+staying, and how long they will be there, that you may return their call
+before they leave town.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X.
+
+MORNING RECEPTIONS OR CALLS.
+
+ETIQUETTE FOR THE CALLER.
+
+
+The usual hours for paying morning calls are between eleven and two, or
+twelve and three, and all calls of ceremony should be made between these
+hours.
+
+Never, in paying a ceremonious call, stay more than twenty minutes, or
+less than ten. If your hostess has several other visitors at the same
+time that you are in her parlor, make your visit short, that she may
+have more attention to bestow upon others.
+
+After you have received an invitation to a party, call within a week or
+fortnight after the evening, whether you have accepted or declined the
+invitation. If you have declined on account of mourning, the excuse
+extends also to the call.
+
+When the servant answers your ring, hand in your card. If your friend is
+out or engaged, leave the card, and if she is in, send it up. Never call
+without cards. You may offend your friend, as she may never hear of your
+call, if she is out at the time, and you trust to the memory of the
+servant.
+
+If your friend is at home, after sending your card up to her by the
+servant, go into the parlor to wait for her. Sit down quietly, and do
+not leave your seat until you rise to meet her as she enters the room.
+To walk about the parlor, examining the ornaments and pictures, is
+ill-bred. It is still more unlady-like to sit down and turn over to read
+the cards in her card basket. If she keeps you waiting for a long time,
+you may take a book from the centre-table to pass away the interval.
+
+Never, while waiting in a friend's parlor, go to the piano and play till
+she comes. This is a breach of good-breeding often committed, and
+nothing can be more ill-bred. You may be disturbing an invalid unawares,
+or you may prevent your friend, if she has children, from coming down
+stairs at all, by waking the baby.
+
+If you are a stranger in the city, and bring a letter of introduction to
+your hostess, send this letter up stairs with your card, that she may
+read it, and know how to welcome you when she comes down stairs. In this
+case, write upon the card the name of the hotel at which you are
+staying, and mention in the course of conversation, how long you will be
+in the city.
+
+If you have a visitor, and desire to introduce her to your friends, you
+may invite her to accompany you when paying calls.
+
+In making a call for condolence, it is sufficient to leave a card with
+your enquiries for the health of your friend, and offers of service. The
+same if calling upon invalids, if they are too ill to see you.
+
+In visits of congratulation, go in, and be hearty in your expressions of
+interest and sympathy. Pay visits, both of condolence and
+congratulation, within a week after the event which calls for them
+occurs.
+
+It is proper, when you have already made your call of the usual length,
+and another caller is announced, to rise and leave, not immediately, as
+if you shunned the new arrival, but after a moment or two. Never out-sit
+two or three parties of visitors, unless you have private business with
+your hostess which cannot be postponed. Many denounce the system of
+morning calls as silly, frivolous, and a waste of time. They are wrong.
+It may be carried to an excess, and so admit of these objections, but in
+moderation the custom is a good and pleasant one. You have then an
+opportunity of making friends of mere acquaintances, and you can, in a
+pleasant chat with a friend at home, have more real enjoyment in her
+society than in a dozen meetings in large companies, with all the
+formality and restraint of a party thrown around you. There are many
+subjects of conversation which are pleasant in a parlor, tete-a-tete
+with a friend, which you would not care to discuss in a crowded saloon,
+or in the street. Personal inquiries, private affairs can be cosily
+chatted over.
+
+In paying your visits of condolence, show, by your own quiet gravity,
+that you sympathize in the recent affliction of your friend. Though you
+may endeavor to comfort and cheer her, you must avoid a gay or careless
+air, as it will be an insult at such a time. Avoid any allusion to the
+past that may be trying for her to hear or answer, yet do not ignore the
+subject entirely, as that appears like a want of interest in it. Though
+you may feel happy, avoid parading your own joyousness at such a time;
+whatever your own feeling may be, respect the sorrow of another.
+
+Never sit gazing curiously around the room when paying a call, as if
+taking a mental inventory of the furniture. It is excessively rude. It
+is still worse to appear to notice any disorder or irregularity that may
+occur.
+
+If, while paying a call, you perceive that any unforeseen matter in the
+family, calls for the attention of the lady of the house, leave
+instantly, no matter how short your call has been. Your friend may not
+appear to notice the screams of a child, a noise in the kitchen, or the
+cry from the nursery that the fire board has caught fire, but you may be
+sure she does hear it, and though too well-bred to speak of it, will
+heartily rejoice to say good-bye.
+
+Do not take a child with you to pay calls, until it is old enough to
+behave quietly and with propriety. To have a troublesome child
+constantly touching the parlor ornaments, balancing itself on the back
+of a chair, leaning from a window, or performing any of the thousand
+tricks in which children excel, is an annoyance, both to yourself and
+your hostess.
+
+Make no remark upon the temperature of the room, or its arrangement,
+when you enter it. Never open or shut a window or door without asking
+permission, and unless really suffering from excessive heat or cold,
+refrain from asking leave to take this liberty.
+
+If you are invited to go up stairs to your friend's private apartment,
+you will, of course, accept the invitation, but never go up stairs
+uninvited. When you reach her door, if the servant has not preceded and
+announced you, knock, and await her invitation to enter. Then, once in,
+take no notice of the room, but go instantly to your friend. If she is
+sewing, do not speak of the nature of her work, but request her to
+continue, as if you were not present.
+
+In cases of long standing friendship, you will not, of course, stand
+upon the ceremony of waiting for each and every one of your calls to be
+returned before paying another, but be careful that you are not too
+lavish of your visits. The most cordial welcome may be worn threadbare,
+if it is called into use _too_ often.
+
+If you are visiting an invalid, or one confined by physical infirmity to
+one apartment, while you are cheerful and ready to impart all the news
+that will interest them, do not, by too glowing descriptions of out-door
+pleasures, make them feel more keenly their own deprivations. It is
+well, when making such calls, to converse upon literature, or such
+general subjects as will not remind them of their misfortune.
+
+In cases where, from long illness or other infirmity, a gentleman friend
+is confined entirely to his room, you may, with perfect propriety, call
+upon him. It is both polite and kind to do so, as otherwise he would be
+deprived entirely of the society of his lady friends. Many thus
+unfortunately situated, from study and reading while so shut out from
+the world, become the most delightful companions.
+
+If, when you make a call, you unfortunately intrude upon an early dinner
+hour, do not go in, but leave your card, and say that you will call
+again.
+
+If you call upon two ladies who are boarding at the same house, do not
+send up your card to both at the same time. If one is out, send a card
+to her room, and then send up for the other. If the first one is in,
+wait till she comes down, and then chat as long as a call usually lasts.
+When you rise as if to take leave, accompany your friend to the parlor
+door, then tell her that you are going to send up for your other friend.
+She will bid you good-morning, and go to her own room; ring the bell
+after she leaves you, and send your card by the waiter to your other
+friend.
+
+In calling at a hotel, enter by the ladies' door, and send your card to
+the room of your friend by the waiter. It is well, if you are calling
+upon an entire stranger, to choose a seat, and tell the waiter to say to
+the lady exactly where she will find you. She will probably enter with
+your card in her hand; then rise, greet her by name, and introduce
+yourself. If you speak to another stranger upon the same errand as the
+one you expect, the error will be instantly perceived by the difference
+in name. If a stranger, bringing a letter of introduction, sends the
+letter with her card, instead of calling, courtesy requires you to make
+the first call, immediately; the same day that you receive the letter,
+if possible, if not, the day after.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI.
+
+DINNER COMPANY.
+
+ETIQUETTE FOR THE HOSTESS.
+
+
+In issuing invitations for a large dinner party, the usual form is--
+
+ _Mr. and Mrs. G---- request the favor of Mr. and Mrs. L----'s
+ company to dinner, on Wednesday, March 8th, at ---- o'clock._
+
+If your husband is giving a party to gentlemen only, he will have a card
+printed or written for the occasion, but your duties as hostess, if he
+wishes you to preside, will still be as arduous as if your own friends
+were included in the invitation.
+
+The directions given in the chapter on "Evening parties" for the
+arrangement of the parlor and the dressing-rooms, will apply here
+equally well, but the dining-room (in this case the centre of
+attraction) requires still more careful attention. Any fault here will
+mar your own comfort and the pleasure of your guests, and must be
+carefully avoided.
+
+Send out your invitations by a servant, or man hired for the purpose;
+do not trust them to despatch or penny post.
+
+Be careful in selecting the guests for a dinner party. Remember that
+conversation will be the sole entertainment for several hours, and if
+your guests are not well chosen, your dinner, no matter how perfect or
+costly the viands, will prove a failure. The most agreeable dinners are
+those whose numbers will allow all the guests to join in a common
+conversation, and where the host has spirit and intelligence to take the
+lead, and start a new subject when the interest in the old one begins to
+flag. Dinners where the guests depend entirely upon the person next them
+for conversation, are apt to be stupid, as it requires marvelous tact to
+pair off all the couples, so that every one will be entertaining in
+tete-a-tete conversation.
+
+To give a good dinner, your means, room, and establishment must all be
+taken into consideration when you are preparing for a dinner company. If
+you invite a large number, you must increase your establishment for the
+occasion, as to sit down to a dinner badly served, with a scarcity of
+waiters, is tiresome, and shows little tact or grace on the part of the
+hostess.
+
+One cook cannot prepare dinner properly for more than ten persons, and
+three waiters will find ample employment in waiting upon the same
+number. More than this number will require a table too large for
+general, easy conversation, and throw your company into couples or
+trios, for entertainment.
+
+Have your table spread in a room that will accommodate all the guests
+comfortably, at the same time avoid putting a small social party in a
+large room, where they will appear lost in the space around them. Let
+the room be comfortably warmed, and if your dinner is late, have the
+apartments well lighted. If you sit down by daylight, but will remain in
+the room until after dark, have the shutters closed and the lights lit,
+before the dinner is announced, as nothing can be more awkward than to
+do this in the middle of the meal.
+
+The shape of a table is a point of more importance than some people
+think. If you wish your dinner to be social--not a mere collection of
+tete-a-tetes--the table should be of a shape which will make it easy for
+each guest to address any one at the table. The long parallelogram, with
+the host at one end and the hostess at the other, is stiff, too broad,
+too long, and isolates the givers of the feast from the guests.
+
+The round table, if large enough to accommodate many guests, has too
+large a diameter each way for easy conversation. The best table is the
+oval, and the host and hostess should sit in the middle of each side,
+facing each other.
+
+The dining room, even in the heat of summer, should be carpeted, to
+deaden the noise of the servants' feet. The chairs should be easy,
+without arms, and with tall, slanting backs. It adds much to the
+comfort, if each person is provided with a foot-stool.
+
+You must have, besides the waiters, one servant to carve, and he must be
+an adept. No dish should be carved upon the table, and that no guest
+shall wait too long for his meat, you must engage a rapid and dexterous
+carver.
+
+For a party of ten, two waiters, and the carver, are amply sufficient.
+If you have too many servants, they will only interfere with each other,
+and stand staring at the guests. Give your orders before dinner, and
+through the meal never speak to the servants. Your whole attention must
+be given to the guests. Even if you see that matters are going wrong, do
+not let your annoyance appear, but gracefully ignore the painful facts.
+Let each servant have his regular position at the table. One should take
+the guests at the right of the hostess, and the left of the host; the
+other the guests on the other side. They should wear light, noiseless
+shoes, and white gloves, and each one carry a folded napkin over his
+right arm.
+
+The main point in the arrangement of the table itself, is to secure
+beauty, without interfering with conversation. The table cover and
+napkins must be of snowy damask, the glass clear as crystal, and taste
+must preside over each detail. Let nothing high be placed on the table,
+that will effectually separate the guests from each other. There should
+be, first, a handsome centre piece, and this may be of glass, silver, or
+china, and not too high or large, and must be elegant as a work of art,
+or it is better omitted altogether. Preserve or fruit stands, tastefully
+decorated, with the fruit on fresh, green leaves, and flowers mingled
+with them, form exquisite centre pieces. A pyramid of flowers, or tasty
+vase or basket, forms, too, a beautiful ornament for the centre of the
+table. In addition to this, the French scatter vases of flowers all over
+the table, at the corners and in the centre. Some place a small,
+fragrant bouquet before the plate of each guest. Nothing can be more
+beautiful than this arrangement. Glasses of celery, dishes of clear,
+transparent jellies or preserves, exquisite little glass plates of
+pickles should stand in order on the table.
+
+Place before each guest, the plate, knife, fork, spoon, four
+wine-glasses of various sizes, the goblet for water, napkin, small salt
+cellar, salt spoon, and roll of bread. Place none of the meats or
+vegetables upon the large table. These should all be served at a
+side-table, each guest selecting his own, to be handed by the servants.
+The first course is soup. As this is not meant to destroy the appetite
+for other viands, it should be light, not too rich or thick. Let the
+servant hand one ladlefull to each person. If you have more than one
+kind, he must first inquire which each guest prefers.
+
+If you have wines, let them be handed round after the soup.
+
+Next comes the fish. If you have large fish, let a slice, cut smoothly,
+not made into a hash by awkward carving, be placed upon the plate of the
+guest, with a slice of egg, and drawn butter. If the fish are small, one
+should be placed upon each plate.
+
+Then come the patties of oysters, minced veal, or lobster; or, instead
+of these, you may have poultry or game.
+
+Next the roast. With the meats have vegetables served on a separate
+plate, that the guest may take as much as he wishes with meat. You will,
+of course, have a variety of vegetables, but scarcely any guest will
+choose more than two.
+
+The pastry and puddings come next in order, and these, too, are better
+served from a side table. Between the pastry and the dessert, have
+salad and cheese placed before each guest.
+
+If you eat dessert in the same room that you dine in, it should be
+placed upon the table (with the exception of the ices) before the guests
+are seated, and this comes after the pastry has been discussed. It
+should consist of fruit and ices.
+
+A pleasanter and more elegant way, is to have the fruit and ices spread
+in a separate room, and leave the dining room after the pastry has been
+eaten. The change of position, the absence of the meat flavor in the
+atmosphere, make the dessert much more delightful than if it is eaten in
+the same room as the dinner. In summer especially, the change to a cool,
+fresh room, where the ices and fruits are tastefully spread, and flowers
+are scattered profusely about the room, delights every sense.
+
+Coffee follows the dessert, and when this enters, if your guests are
+gentlemen only, your duty is at an end. You may then rise, leave the
+room, and need not re-appear. If you have lady guests, you give the
+signal for rising after coffee, and lead the way to the parlor, where,
+in a few moments, the gentlemen will again join you.
+
+Suppose your guests invited, servants instructed, every arrangement
+made, and the important day arrived. The next point to consider is the
+reception of your guests. Be dressed in good season, as many seem to
+consider an invitation to dinner as one to pass the day, and come early.
+Take a position in your drawing-room, where each guest will find you
+easily, and remain near it, until every guest has arrived. As each one
+enters, advance to meet him, and extend your hand.
+
+Have plenty of chairs ready in the drawing-room, as an invitation to
+dinner by no means argues a "stand up" party. As you have already
+arranged every detail, your duty as hostess consists in receiving your
+guests gracefully, conversing and looking as charmingly as possible.
+Flowers in the drawing-room are as great a proof of taste as in the
+dining room.
+
+As the time just before dinner is very apt to be tiresome, you should
+bring forward all the armor against stupidity that you possess. Display
+upon tables arranged conveniently about the room, curiosities, handsome
+books, photographs, engravings, stereoscopes, medallions, any works of
+art you may own, and have the ottomans, sofas, and chairs so placed that
+your guests can move easily about the room, or rooms.
+
+The severest test of good breeding in a lady, is in the position of
+hostess, receiving dinner guests. Your guests may arrive all at once,
+yet you must make each one feel that he or she is the object of your
+individual attention, and none must be hurt by neglect. They may arrive
+very early, yet your duty is to make the time fly until dinner is
+announced. They may come late, and risk the ruin of your choicest
+dishes, yet you must not, upon pain of a breach of etiquette, show the
+least annoyance. If you know that the whole kitchen is in arms at the
+delay, you must conceal the anguish, as the Spartan boy did his pangs,
+to turn a cheerful, smiling face upon the tardy guests.
+
+When dinner is announced, you will lead the way to the dining-room upon
+the arm of one of your gentlemen guests, having paired off the company
+in couples. The host comes in last with a lady upon his arm.
+
+You may indicate to each couple, as they enter the dining-room, the
+seats they are to occupy, standing until all are seated, or you may
+allow them to choose their own places. The English fashion of placing a
+card upon each plate with the name of the person to take that seat upon
+it, is a good one. It enables the hostess to place those whom she is
+certain will be mutually entertaining, next each other. Place the
+gentleman who escorts you from the parlor at your right hand.
+
+Having once taken your seat at table, you have nothing to do with the
+dinner but to partake of it. Not a word, or even a glance, will a
+well-bred hostess bestow upon the servants, nor will she speak to the
+guests of the dishes. Their choice rests between themselves and the
+waiters, and you must take no notice of what they eat, how much, or how
+little. Nay, should they partake of one dish only, you must ignore the
+fact.
+
+The greatest tact is displayed where the hostess makes each guest feel
+perfectly at ease. She will aid her husband both in leading and
+supporting the conversation, and will see that no guest is left in
+silence from want of attention. Whilst she ignores every breach of
+etiquette her guests may commit, she must carefully observe every rule
+herself, and this she must do in an easy, natural manner, avoiding every
+appearance of restraint. Her deportment, she may be sure, is secretly
+watched and criticised by each guest, yet she must appear utterly
+unconscious that she is occupying any conspicuous position.
+
+To watch the servants, or appear uneasy, lest something should go wrong,
+is excessively ill-bred, and if any accident does occur, you only make
+it worse by noticing it. To reprove or speak sharply to a servant before
+your guests, manifests a shocking want of good breeding.
+
+The rules given above are only applicable to large dinner parties, and
+where the guests are few, and the host himself carves, these rules will
+not apply. In this case, as you will only require the services of your
+own household domestics, you must, of course, attend personally to the
+wants of your guests.
+
+Dinner not being served from a side table, you must, while putting
+tasteful ornaments upon it, be careful not to crowd them, and leave room
+for the substantial dishes.
+
+You must watch the plate of each guest, to see that it is well provided,
+and you will invite each one to partake of the various dishes.
+
+Have a servant to pass the plates from you to each guest, and from the
+host to you, after he has put the meat upon them, that you may add gravy
+and vegetables before they are set before your visitors.
+
+At these smaller dinner companies, avoid apologizing for anything,
+either in the viands or the arrangement of them. You have provided the
+best your purse will allow, prepared as faultlessly as possible; you
+will only gain credit for mock modesty if you apologize for a
+well-prepared, well-spread dinner, and if there are faults they will
+only be made more conspicuous if attention is drawn to them by an
+apology.
+
+Ease of manner, quiet dignity, cheerful, intelligent conversation, and
+gentle, lady-like deportment, never appear more charming than when they
+adorn a lady at the head of her own table.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII.
+
+DINNER COMPANY.
+
+ETIQUETTE FOR THE GUEST.
+
+
+When you receive an invitation to join a dinner-party, answer it
+immediately, as, by leaving your hostess in doubt whether you intend to
+accept or decline her hospitality, you make it impossible for her to
+decide how many she must prepare for. If you accept at first, and any
+unforeseen event keeps you from fulfilling your engagement, write a
+second note, that your hostess may not wait dinner for you. Such a note,
+if circumstances render it necessary to write it, may be sent with
+perfect propriety an hour before the time appointed for dinner, though,
+if you are aware that you cannot attend, earlier, you must send the
+information in good season.
+
+You should enter the house of your hostess from a quarter to half an
+hour earlier than the time appointed for dining. Proceed at once to the
+dressing-room, and arrange your dress and hair, and then enter the
+drawing-room. By going to the house too early, you may hasten or
+interrupt the toilet arrangements of your hostess; while, by being
+late, you will establish a most disagreeable association in the minds of
+all present, as "the lady who kept dinner waiting at Mrs. L----'s."
+
+Immediately upon entering the parlor find your hostess, and speak to her
+first. It is very rude to stop to chat with other guests before greeting
+the lady of the house. You may bow to any one you know, in passing, but
+do not stop to speak. Having exchanged a few words with your hostess,
+turn to the other guests, unless you are the first arrival. In that
+case, converse with your host and hostess until others come in.
+
+Be careful, if dinner is delayed by the tardiness of the guests, or from
+any other cause, that you do not show by your manner that you are aware
+of such delay. To look towards the door often, consult your watch, or
+give tokens of weariness, are all marks of ill-breeding. Your hostess
+will probably be sufficiently annoyed by the irregularity itself; do not
+add to her discomfort by allowing her to suppose that her guests
+perceive the deficiencies. Look over the books and pictures with an air
+of interest, converse cheerfully, and in every way appear as if dinner
+were a matter of secondary importance, (as, indeed, it should be,)
+compared with the pleasure of the society around you.
+
+When the signal for dinner is given, your hostess will probably name
+your escort to the table. If he is a stranger, bow in acknowledgement of
+the introduction, take his arm, and fall into your place in the stream
+of guests passing from the parlor to the dining-room.
+
+Take the seat pointed out by your hostess, or the waiter, as soon as it
+is offered. Each one will do this upon entering, and it prevents the
+confusion that will result if those first entering the room, remain
+standing until all the other guests come in.
+
+When you take your seat, be careful that your chair does not stand upon
+the dress of the lady next you, as she may not rise at the same instant
+that you do, and so you risk tearing her dress.
+
+Sit gracefully at the table; neither so close as to make your movements
+awkward, nor so far away as to drag your food over your dress before it
+reaches your mouth. It is well to carry in your pocket a small
+pincushion, and, having unfolded your napkin, to pin it at the belt. You
+may do this quietly, without its being perceived, and you will thus
+really save your dress. If the napkin is merely laid open upon your lap,
+it will be very apt to slip down, if your dress is of silk or satin, and
+you risk the chance of appearing again in the drawing-room with the
+front of your dress soiled or greased.
+
+If, by the carelessness or awkwardness of your neighbors or the
+servants, you have a plate of soup, glass of wine, or any dish intended
+for your mouth, deposited upon your dress, do not spring up, or make any
+exclamation. You may wipe off the worst of the spot with your napkin,
+and then let it pass without further notice. If an apology is made by
+the unlucky perpetrator of the accident, try to set him at his ease by
+your own lady-like composure. He will feel sorry and awkward enough,
+without reproach, sullenness, or cold looks from you.
+
+Gloves and mittens are no longer worn at table, even at the largest
+dinner-parties.
+
+To make remarks upon the guests or the dishes is excessively rude.
+
+If the conversation is general, speak loudly enough to be heard by those
+around you, but, at the same time, avoid raising your voice _too_ much.
+If the company is very large, and you converse only with the person
+immediately beside you, speak in a distinct, but low tone, that you may
+not interrupt other couples, but carefully avoid whispering or a
+confidential air. Both are in excessively bad taste. To laugh in a
+suppressed way, has the appearance of laughing at those around you, and
+a loud, boisterous laugh is always unlady-like. Converse cheerfully,
+laugh quietly, but freely, if you will, and while you confine your
+attention entirely to your neighbor, still avoid any air of secrecy or
+mystery.
+
+Never use an eye-glass, either to look at the persons around you or the
+articles upon the table.
+
+Eat your soup quietly. To make any noise in eating it, is simply
+disgusting. Do not break bread into your soup. Break off small pieces
+and put into your mouth, if you will, but neither bite it from the roll
+nor break it up, and eat it from your soup-plate with a spoon.
+
+In eating bread with meat, never dip it into the gravy on your plate,
+and then bite the end off. If you wish to eat it with gravy, break off a
+small piece, put it upon your plate, and then, with a fork, convey it to
+your mouth.
+
+When helped to fish, remove, with knife and fork, all the bones, then
+lay down the knife, and, with a piece of bread in your left hand and a
+fork in your right, eat the flakes of fish.
+
+Need I say that the knife is to cut your food with, and must never be
+used while eating? To put it in your mouth is a distinctive mark of
+low-breeding.
+
+If you have selected what you will eat, keep the plate that is placed
+before you; never pass it to the persons next you, as they may have an
+entirely different choice of meat or vegetables.
+
+Never attempt to touch any dish that is upon the table, but out of your
+reach, by stretching out your arms, leaning forward, or, still worse,
+standing up. Ask the waiter to hand it, if you wish for it; or, if the
+gentleman beside you can easily do so, you may ask him to pass it to
+you.
+
+Do not press those near you to take more or other things than are upon
+their plate. This is the duty of the hostess, or, if the company is
+large, the servants will attend to it. For you to do so is officious and
+ill-bred.
+
+When conversing let your knife and fork rest easily upon your plate,
+even if still in your hand. Avoid holding them upright. Keep your own
+knife, fork, and spoon solely for the articles upon your own plate. To
+use them for helping yourself to butter or salt, is rude in the extreme.
+
+When you do not use the salt-spoon, sugar tongs, and butter-knife, you
+may be sure that those around you will conclude that you have never seen
+the articles, and do not know their use.
+
+You need not fear to offend by refusing to take wine with a gentleman,
+even your host. If you decline gracefully, he will appreciate the
+delicacy which makes you refuse. If, however, you have no conscientious
+scruples, and are invited to take wine, bow, and merely raise the glass
+to your lips, then set it down again. You may thus acknowledge the
+courtesy, and yet avoid actually drinking the wine.
+
+No lady should drink wine at dinner. Even if her head is strong enough
+to bear it, she will find her cheeks, soon after the indulgence,
+flushed, hot, and uncomfortable; and if the room is warm, and the dinner
+a long one, she will probably pay the penalty of her folly, by having a
+headache all the evening.
+
+If offered any dish of which you do not wish to partake, decline it, but
+do not assign any reason. To object to the dish itself is an insult to
+your entertainers, and if you assert any reason for your own dislike it
+is ill-bred.
+
+Do not bend too much forward over your food, and converse easily. To eat
+fast, or appear to be so much engrossed as to be unable to converse, is
+ill-bred; and it makes those around you suspect that you are so little
+accustomed to dining well, that you fear to stop eating an instant, lest
+you should not get enough.
+
+It is equally ill-bred to accept every thing that is offered to you.
+Never take more than two vegetables; do not take a second plate of soup,
+pastry, or pudding. Indeed, it is best to accept but _one_ plate of any
+article.
+
+Never use a spoon for anything but liquids, and never touch anything to
+eat, excepting bread, celery, or fruit, with your fingers.
+
+In the intervals which must occur between the courses, do not appear to
+be conscious of the lapse of time. Wear a careless air when waiting,
+conversing cheerfully and pleasantly, and avoid looking round the room,
+as if wondering what the waiters are about.
+
+Never eat every morsel that is upon your plate; and surely no lady will
+ever scrape her plate, or pass the bread round it, as if to save the
+servants the trouble of washing it.
+
+Take such small mouthfulls that you can always be ready for
+conversation, but avoid playing with your food, or partaking of it with
+an affectation of delicate appetite. Your hostess may suppose you
+despise her fare, if you appear so very choice, or eat too sparingly. If
+your state of health deprives you of appetite, it is bad enough for you
+to decline the invitation to dine out.
+
+Never examine minutely the food before you. You insult your hostess by
+such a proceeding, as it looks as if you feared to find something upon
+the plate that should not be there.
+
+If you find a worm on opening a nut, or in any of the fruit, hand your
+plate quietly, and without remark, to the waiter, and request him to
+bring you a clean one. Do not let others perceive the movement, or the
+cause of it, if you can avoid so doing.
+
+Never make a noise in eating. To munch or smack the lips are vulgar
+faults.
+
+Sit quietly at table, avoid stiffness, but, at the same time, be careful
+that you do not annoy others by your restlessness.
+
+Do not eat so fast as to be done long before others, nor so slowly as to
+keep them waiting.
+
+When the finger-glasses are passed round, dip the ends of your fingers
+into them, and wipe them upon your napkin; then do not fold your napkin,
+but place it beside your plate upon the table.
+
+To carry away fruit or bonbons from the table is a sign of low breeding.
+
+Rise with the other ladies when your hostess gives the signal.
+
+After returning to the parlor, remain in the house at least an hour
+after dinner is over. If you have another engagement in the evening, you
+may then take your leave, but not before. You will insult your hostess
+by leaving sooner, as it appears that you came only for the dinner, and
+that being over, your interest in the house, for the time, has ceased.
+It is only beggars who "eat and run!"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII.
+
+TABLE ETIQUETTE.
+
+
+In order to appear perfectly well-bred at table when in company, or in
+public, as at a hotel, you must pay attention, three times a day, to the
+points of table etiquette. If you neglect these little details at home
+and in private, they will be performed awkwardly and with an air of
+restraint when you are in company. By making them habitual, they will
+become natural, and appear easily, and sit gracefully upon you.
+
+Even when eating entirely alone, observe these little details, thus
+making the most finished and elegant manners perfectly familiar, and
+thus avoiding the stiff, awkward air you will wear if you keep your
+politeness only for company, when you will be constantly apprehensive of
+doing wrong.
+
+At breakfast or tea, if your seat is at the head of the table, you must,
+before taking anything upon your own plate, fill a cup for each one of
+the family, and pass them round, being careful to suit each one in the
+preparation of the cup, that none may return to you for more tea, water,
+sugar, or milk. If you have a visitor, pass the cup with the tea or
+coffee alone in it, and hand with the cup the sugar bowl and cream
+pitcher, that these may be added in the quantity preferred.
+
+After all the cups have been filled and passed round, you may take the
+bread, butter, and other food upon your own plate. Train your children,
+so that they will pass these things to you as soon as they see you are
+ready to receive them.
+
+If you are yourself at the side of the table, pass the bread, butter,
+etc., to the lady at the head, when you see that she has sent the cups
+from the waiter before her, to those seated at the table.
+
+If you occupy the place of head of the table, you must watch the cups,
+offer to fill them when empty, and also see that each one of the family
+is well helped to the other articles upon the table.
+
+Avoid making any noise in eating, even if each meal is eaten in solitary
+state. It is a disgusting habit, and one not easily cured if once
+contracted, to make any noise with the lips when eating.
+
+Never put large pieces of food into your mouth. Eat slowly, and cut your
+food into small pieces before putting it into your mouth.
+
+Use your fork, or spoon, never your knife, to put your food into your
+mouth. At dinner, hold in your left hand a piece of bread, and raise
+your meat or vegetables with the fork, holding the bread to prevent the
+pieces slipping from the plate.
+
+If you are asked at table what part of the meat you prefer, name your
+favorite piece, but do not give such information unless asked to do so.
+To point out any especial part of a dish, and ask for it, is ill-bred.
+To answer, when asked to select a part, that "it is a matter of
+indifference," or, "I can eat any part," is annoying to the carver, as
+he cares less than yourself certainly, and would prefer to give you the
+piece you really like best.
+
+Do not pour coffee or tea from your cup into your saucer, and do not
+blow either these or soup. Wait until they cool.
+
+Use the butter-knife, salt-spoon, and sugar-tongs as scrupulously when
+alone, as if a room full of people were watching you. Otherwise, you may
+neglect to do so when the omission will mortify you.
+
+Never put poultry or fish bones, or the stones of fruit, upon the
+table-cloth, but place them on the edge of your plate.
+
+Do not begin to eat until others at the table are ready to commence too.
+
+Sit easily in your chair, neither too near the table, nor too far from
+it, and avoid such tricks as putting your arms on the table, leaning
+back lazily in your chair, or playing with your knife, fork, or spoon.
+
+Never raise your voice, when speaking, any higher than is necessary. The
+clear articulation and distinct pronunciation of each word, will make a
+low tone more agreeable and more easily understood, than the loudest
+tone, if the speech is rapid or indistinct.
+
+Never pass your plate with the knife or fork upon it, and when you pass
+your cup, put the spoon in the saucer.
+
+Never pile up the food on your plate. It looks as if you feared it would
+all be gone before you could be helped again, and it will certainly
+make your attempts to cut the food awkward, if your plate is crowded.
+
+If there is a delicacy upon the table, partake of it sparingly, and
+never help yourself to it a second time.
+
+If you wish to cough, or use your handkerchief, rise from the table, and
+leave the room. If you have not time to do this, cover your mouth, and
+turn your head aside from the table, and perform the disagreeable
+necessity as rapidly and quietly as possible.
+
+Avoid gesticulation at the table. Indeed, a well-bred lady will never
+gesticulate, but converse quietly, letting the expression and animation
+of her features give force to her words.
+
+Never, when at the home table, leave it until the other members of the
+family are also ready to rise.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV.
+
+CONDUCT IN THE STREET.
+
+
+A lady's conduct is never so entirely at the mercy of critics, because
+never so public, as when she is in the street. Her dress, carriage,
+walk, will all be exposed to notice; every passer-by will look at her,
+if it is only for one glance; every unlady-like action will be marked;
+and in no position will a dignified, lady-like deportment be more
+certain to command respect.
+
+Let me start with you upon your promenade, my friend, and I will soon
+decide your place upon the list of well-bred ladies.
+
+First, your dress. Not that scarlet shawl, with a green dress, I beg,
+and--oh! spare my nerves!--you are not so insane as to put on a blue
+bonnet. That's right. If you wish to wear the green dress, don a black
+shawl, and--that white bonnet will do very well. One rule you must lay
+down with regard to a walking dress. It must never be conspicuous. Let
+the material be rich, if you will; the set of each garment faultless;
+have collar and sleeves snowy white, and wear neatly-fitting, whole,
+clean gloves and boots. Every detail may be scrupulously attended to,
+but let the whole effect be quiet and modest. Wear a little of one
+bright color, if you will, but not more than one. Let each part of the
+dress harmonize with all the rest; avoid the _extreme_ of fashion, and
+let the dress suit _you_. If you are short and plump, do not wear
+flounces, because they are fashionable, and avoid large plaids, even if
+they are the very latest style. If tall and slight, do not add to the
+length of your figure by long stripes, a little mantilla, and a
+caricature of a bonnet, with long, streaming ribbons. A large, round
+face will never look well, staring from a tiny, delicate bonnet; nor
+will a long, thin one stand the test much better. Wear what is becoming
+to _yourself_, and only bow to fashion enough to avoid eccentricity. To
+have everything in the _extreme_ of fashion, is a sure mark of
+vulgarity.
+
+Wear no jewelry in the street excepting your watch and brooch. Jewelry
+is only suited for full evening dress, when all the other details unite
+to set it off. If it is real, it is too valuable to risk losing in the
+street, and if it is _not_ real, no lady should wear it. Mock jewelry is
+utterly detestable.
+
+What are you doing? Sucking the head of your parasol! Have you not
+breakfasted? Take that piece of ivory from your mouth! To suck it is
+unlady-like, and let me tell you, excessively unbecoming. Rosy lips and
+pearly teeth can be put to a better use.
+
+Why did you not dress before you came out? It is a mark of ill-breeding
+to draw your gloves on in the street. Now your bonnet-strings, and
+now--your collar! Pray arrange your dress before you leave the house!
+Nothing looks worse than to see a lady fussing over her dress in the
+street. Take a few moments more in your dressing-room, and so arrange
+your dress that you will not need to think of it again whilst you are
+out.
+
+Do not walk so fast! you are not chasing anybody! Walk slowly,
+gracefully! Oh, do not drag one foot after the other as if you were fast
+asleep--set down the foot lightly, but at the same time firmly; now,
+carry your head up, not so; you hang it down as if you feared to look
+any one in the face! Nay, that is the other extreme! Now you look like a
+drill-major, on parade! So! that is the medium. Erect, yet, at the same
+time, easy and elegant.
+
+Now, my friend, do not swing your arms. You don't know what to do with
+them? Your parasol takes one hand; hold your dress up a little with the
+other. Not so! No lady should raise her dress above the ankle.
+
+Take care! don't drag your dress through that mud-puddle! Worse and
+worse! If you take hold of your dress on both sides, in that way, and
+drag it up so high, you will be set down as a raw country girl. So.
+Raise it just above the boot, all round, easily, letting it fall again
+in the old folds. Don't shake it down; it will fall back of itself.
+
+Stop! don't you see there is a carriage coming? Do you want to be thrown
+down by the horses? You can run across? Very lady-like indeed! Surely
+nothing can be more ungraceful than to see a lady shuffle and run across
+a street. Wait until the way is clear and then walk slowly across.
+
+Do not try to raise your skirts. It is better to soil them. (You were
+very foolish to wear white skirts this muddy day.) _They_ are easily
+washed, and you cannot raise _all_. You will surely be awkward in making
+the attempt, and probably fail, in spite of your efforts. True, they
+will be badly soiled, and you expose this when you raise the dress, but
+the state of the streets must be seen by all who see your share of the
+dirt, and they will apologize for your untidy appearance in a language
+distinctly understood.
+
+Don't hold your parasol so close to your face, nor so low down. You
+cannot see your way clear, and you will run against somebody. Always
+hold an umbrella or parasol so that it will clear your bonnet, and leave
+the space before your face open, that you may see your way clearly.
+
+If you are ever caught in a shower, and meet a gentleman friend who
+offers an umbrella, accept it, if he will accompany you to your
+destination; but do not deprive him of it, if he is not able to join
+you. Should he insist, return it to his house or store the instant you
+reach home, with a note of thanks. If a stranger offers you the same
+services, decline it positively, but courteously, at the same time
+thanking him.
+
+Never stop to speak to a gentleman in the street. If you have anything
+important to say to him, allow him to join and walk with you, but do not
+stop. It is best to follow the same rule with regard to ladies, and
+either walk with them or invite them to walk with you, instead of
+stopping to talk.
+
+A lady who desires to pay strict regard to etiquette, will not stop to
+gaze in at the shop windows. It looks countrified. If she is alone, it
+looks as if she were waiting for some one; and if she is not alone, she
+is victimizing some one else, to satisfy her curiosity.
+
+Remember that in meeting your gentlemen friends it is your duty to speak
+first, therefore do not cut them by waiting to be recognized. Be sure,
+however, that they see you before you bow, or you place yourself in the
+awkward position of having your bow pass, unreturned.
+
+You are not expected to recognize any friend on the opposite side of the
+street. Even if you see them, do not bow.
+
+Avoid "cutting" any one. It is a small way of showing spite, and lowers
+you more than your enemy. If you wish to avoid any further intercourse
+bow, coldly and gravely, but do not look at any one, to whom you are in
+the habit of bowing, and pass without bowing. If you do this, they may
+flatter themselves that they were really unrecognized, but a distant,
+cold bow will show them that you speak from civility only, not from
+friendship.
+
+In the street a lady takes the arm of a relative, her affianced lover,
+or husband, but of no other gentleman, unless the streets are slippery,
+or in the evening.
+
+When a lady walks with two gentlemen, she should endeavor to divide her
+attention and remarks equally between them.
+
+If you do stop in the street, draw near the walls, that you may not keep
+others from passing.
+
+Loud talking and laughing in the street are excessively vulgar. Not only
+this, but they expose a lady to the most severe misconstruction. Let
+your conduct be modest and quiet.
+
+If a gentleman, although a stranger, offers his hand to assist you in
+leaving a carriage, omnibus, or to aid you in crossing where it is wet
+or muddy, accept his civility, thank him, bow and pass on.
+
+If you wish to take an omnibus or car, see that it is not already full.
+If it is, do not get in. You will annoy others, and be uncomfortable
+yourself.
+
+It is best to carry change to pay car or omnibus fare, as you keep
+others waiting whilst the driver is making change, and it is apt to fall
+into the straw when passing from one hand to another.
+
+If a gentleman gives you his seat, hands your fare, or offers you any
+such attention, _thank him_. It is not countrified, it is lady-like. If
+you do not speak, bow.
+
+Be careful not to be alone in the streets after night fall. It exposes
+you to insult. If you are obliged to go out, have a servant, or another
+lady, if you cannot procure the escort of a gentleman, which is, of
+course, the best.
+
+Walk slowly, do not turn your head to the right or left, unless you wish
+to walk that way, and avoid any gesture or word that will attract
+attention.
+
+Never look back! It is excessively ill-bred.
+
+Make no remarks upon those who pass you, while there is even a
+possibility that they may hear you.
+
+Never stare at any one, even if they have peculiarities, which make them
+objects of remark.
+
+In taking your place in an omnibus or car, do so quietly, and then sit
+perfectly still. Do not change your place or move restlessly. Make room
+for others if you see that the opposite side is full.
+
+If you walk with a gentleman, when he reaches your door invite him in,
+but if he declines, do not urge him. If you are returning from a ball or
+party, and the hour is a very late (or early) one, you are not bound in
+politeness to invite your escort to enter; the hour will be your apology
+for omitting the ceremony.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV.
+
+LETTER WRITING.
+
+
+There is no branch of education called so universally into requisition
+as the art of letter writing; no station, high or low, where the
+necessity for correspondence is not felt; no person, young or old, who
+does not, at some time, write, cause to be written, and receive letters.
+From the President in his official capacity, with the busy pens of
+secretaries constantly employed in this branch of service, to the Irish
+laborer who, unable to guide a pen, writes, also by proxy, to his
+kinsfolks across the wide ocean; all, at some time, feel the desire to
+transmit some message, word of love, business, or sometimes enmity, by
+letter.
+
+Yet, in spite of the universal need, and almost universal habit, there
+are really but very few persons who write a _good_ letter; a letter that
+is, at the same time long enough to interest, yet not long enough to
+tire; sufficiently condensed to keep the attention, and not tedious, and
+yet detailed enough to afford satisfaction; that is correct in
+grammatical construction, properly punctuated, written in a clear,
+legible hand, with the date, address, signature, all in the proper
+place, no words whose letters stand in utter defiance to spelling-book
+rules; in short, a well-written letter.
+
+Thousands, millions are sent from post to post every day. The lightning
+speed of the telegraph takes its messages from city to city; the panting
+steamer carries from continent to continent its heavy mail-bags, laden
+with its weight of loving messages; the "iron horse" drags behind it,
+its measure of the many missives; while, in the far-distant Western
+wilds, the lumbering wagon bears its paper freight, with its pen
+eloquence, to cheer and comfort, or sadden and crush, the waiting
+emigrants, longing for news of home.
+
+To some, who, with hearts desolated by the separation from the home
+circle, could read, with an eager interest, volumes of the most
+common-place, trivial incidents, if only connected with the loved ones
+there, will come pages, from the pen of the dearest relative, full of
+learning, wit, and wisdom, wholly uninteresting to the receiver.
+
+Why is this? Not from any desire upon the part of the writer to display
+learning or talent, but because, writing a letter being to them a great
+undertaking, and the letter being destined to go a long distance, they
+look upon it as an event too unusual to be wasted in detailing the
+simple, every-day details of domestic life, and ransack memory and
+learning for a subject worthy of the long journey and unusual labor.
+
+Others will have, from mere acquaintances, long, tedious details of
+uninteresting trivialities, and from the near relatives, short, dry
+epistles, which fall like stones upon the heart longing for little,
+affectionate expressions, and home memories.
+
+From some letter writers, who are in the midst of scenes and events of
+the most absorbing interest, letters arrive, only a few lines long,
+without one allusion to the interesting matter lying so profusely around
+them; while others, with the scantiest of outward subjects, will, from
+their own teeming brain, write bewitching, absorbing epistles, read with
+eagerness, laid aside with the echo of Oliver Twist's petition in a
+sigh; the reader longing for "more."
+
+It is, of course, impossible to lay down any distinct rule for the
+_style_ of letter writing. Embracing, as it does, all subjects and all
+classes, all countries and associations, and every relation in which one
+person can stand to another, what would be an imperative rule in some
+cases, becomes positive absurdity in others. Every letter will vary from
+others written before, in either its subject, the person addressed, or
+the circumstances which make it necessary to write it.
+
+Letter writing is, in fact, but conversation, carried on with the pen,
+when distance or circumstances prevent the easier method of exchanging
+ideas, by spoken words. Write, therefore, as you would speak, were the
+person to whom your letter is addressed seated beside you. As amongst
+relatives and intimate friends you would converse with a familiar
+manner, and in easy language, so in your letters to such persons, let
+your style be simple, entirely devoid of effort.
+
+Again, when introduced to a stranger, or conversing with one much older
+than yourself, your manner is respectful and dignified; so let the
+letters addressed to those on these terms with yourself, be written in a
+more ceremonious style, but at the same time avoid stiffness, and above
+all, pedantry. A letter of advice to a child, would of course demand an
+entirely different style, from that written by a young lady to a friend
+or relative advanced in life; yet the general rule, "write as you would
+converse," applies to each and every case.
+
+Neatness is an important requisite in a letter. To send a fair, clean
+sheet, with the words written in a clear, legible hand, will go a great
+way in ensuring a cordial welcome for your letter. Avoid erasures, as
+they spoil the beauty of your sheet. If it is necessary to correct a
+word, draw your pen through it, and write the word you wish to use as a
+substitute, above the one erased; do not scratch out the word and write
+another over it: it is untidy, and the second word is seldom legible.
+Another requisite for a good letter is a clear, concise style. Use
+language that will be easily understood, and avoid the parenthesis.
+Important passages in letters are often lost entirely, by the ambiguous
+manner in which they are worded, or rendered quite as unintelligible by
+the blots, erasures, or villainously bad hand-writing. A phrase may, by
+the addition or omission of one word, or by the alteration of one
+punctuation mark, convey to the reader an entirely different idea from
+that intended by the writer; so, while you write plainly, use good
+language, you must also write carefully, and punctuate properly.
+
+If you are in doubt about the correct spelling of a word, do not trust
+to chance, hoping it may be right, but get a dictionary, and be certain
+that you have spelt it as it ought to be.
+
+Simplicity is a great charm in letter-writing. What you send in a
+letter, is, as a general rule, intended for the perusal of one person
+only. Therefore to cumber your epistles with quotations, similes,
+flowery language, and a stilted, pedantic style, is in bad taste. You
+may use elegant language, yet use it easily. If you use a quotation, let
+it come into its place naturally, as if flowing in perfect harmony with
+your ideas, and let it be short. Long quotations in a letter are
+tiresome. Make no attempt at display in a correspondence. You will err
+as much in such an attempt, as if, when seated face to face with your
+correspondent, alone in your own apartment, you were to rise and
+converse with the gestures and language of a minister in his pulpit, or
+a lecturer upon his platform.
+
+As everything, in style, depends upon the subject of the letter, and the
+person to whom it is addressed, some words follow, relating to some of
+the various kinds of correspondence:
+
+BUSINESS LETTERS should be as brief as is consistent with the subject;
+clear, and to the point. Say all that is necessary, in plain, distinct
+language, and say no more. State, in forcible words, every point that it
+is desirable for your correspondent to be made acquainted with, that
+your designs and prospects upon the subject may be perfectly well
+understood. Write, in such a letter, of nothing but the business in
+hand; other matters will be out of place there. Nowhere is a confused
+style, or illegible writing, more unpardonable than in a business
+letter; nowhere a good style and hand more important. Avoid flowery
+language, too many words, all pathos or wit, any display of talent or
+learning, and every merely personal matter, in a business letter.
+
+LETTERS OF COMPLIMENT must be restricted, confined entirely to one
+subject. If passing between acquaintances, they should be written in a
+graceful, at the same time respectful, manner. Avoid hackneyed
+expressions, commonplace quotations, and long, labored sentences, but
+while alluding to the subject in hand, as if warmly interested in it, at
+the same time endeavor to write in a style of simple, natural grace.
+
+LETTERS OF CONGRATULATION demand a cheerful, pleasant style, and an
+appearance of great interest. They should be written from the heart, and
+the cordial, warm feelings there will prompt the proper language. Be
+careful, while offering to your friend the hearty congratulations her
+happy circumstances demand, that you do not let envy at her good
+fortune, creep into your head, to make the pen utter complaining words
+at your own hard lot. Do not dampen her joy, by comparing her happiness
+with the misery of another. There are many clouds in the life of every
+one of us. While the sun shines clearly upon the events of your friend's
+life let her enjoy the brightness and warmth, unshadowed by any words of
+yours. Give her, to the full, your sympathy in her rejoicing, cheerful
+words, warm congratulations, and bright hopes for the future. Should
+there be, at the time of her happiness, any sad event you wish to
+communicate to her, of which it is your duty to inform her, write it in
+another letter. If you must send it the same day, do so, but let the
+epistle wishing her joy, go alone, unclouded with the news of sorrow. At
+the same time, avoid exaggerated expressions of congratulation, lest you
+are suspected of a desire to be satirical, and avoid underlining any
+words. If the language is not forcible enough to convey your ideas, you
+will not make it better by underlining it. If you say to your friend
+upon her marriage, that you wish her "_joy_ in her new relations, and
+_hope_ she may be _entirely happy_ in her domestic life," you make her
+doubt your wishes, and think you mean to ridicule her chances of such
+happiness.
+
+LETTERS OF CONDOLENCE are exceedingly trying, both to read and to write.
+If the affliction which calls for them is one which touches you nearly,
+really grieving and distressing you, all written words must seem tame
+and cold, compared with the aching sympathy which dictates them. It is
+hard with the eyes blinded by tears, and the hand shaking, to write
+calmly; and it is impossible to express upon paper all the burning
+thoughts and words that would pour forth, were you beside the friend
+whose sorrow is yours. If you do not feel the trial, your task is still
+more difficult, for no letters demand truth, spoken from the heart, more
+than letters of condolence. Do not treat the subject for grief too
+lightly. Write words of comfort if you will, but do not appear to
+consider the affliction as a trifle. Time may make it less severe, but
+the first blow of grief must be heavy, and a few words of sincere
+sympathy will outweigh pages of mere expressions of hope for comfort, or
+the careless lines that show the letter to be one of mere duty, not
+feeling. Let your friend feel that her sorrow makes her dearer to you
+than ever before, and that her grief is yours. To treat the subject with
+levity, or to wander from it into witticisms or every-day chit-chat, is
+a wanton insult, unworthy of a lady and a friend. Do not magnify the
+event, or plunge the mourner into still deeper despondency by taking a
+despairing, gloomy view of the sorrow, under which she is bent. Show her
+the silver lining of her cloud, try to soothe her grief, yet be willing
+to admit that it _is_ a cloud, and that she _has_ cause for grief. To
+throw out hints that the sorrow is sent as a punishment to an offender;
+to imply that neglect or imprudence on the part of the mourner is the
+cause of the calamity; to hold up the trial as an example of
+retribution, or a natural consequence of wrong doing, is cruel, and
+barbarous. Even if this is true, (indeed, if this is the case, it only
+aggravates the insult); avoid such retrospection. It is as if a surgeon,
+called in to a patient suffering from a fractured limb, sat down,
+inattentive to the suffering, to lecture his patient upon the
+carelessness which caused the accident. One of the most touching letters
+of condolence ever written was sent by a literary lady, well known in
+the ranks of our American authoresses, to her sister, who had lost her
+youngest child. The words were few, merely:--
+
+ "SISTER DARLING:
+
+ "I cannot write what is in my heart for you to-day, it is too
+ full. Filled with a double sorrow, for you, for my own grief.
+ Tears blind me, my pen trembles in my hand. Oh, to be near
+ you! to clasp you in my arms! to draw your head to my bosom,
+ and weep with you! Darling, God comfort you, I cannot.
+
+ "S."
+
+That was all. Yet the sorrowing mother said that no other letter, though
+she appreciated the kind motive that dictated all, yet none comforted
+her as did these few lines. Written from the heart, their simple
+eloquence touched the heart for which they were intended. Early stages
+of great grief reject _comfort_, but they long, with intense longing,
+for sympathy.
+
+LETTERS WRITTEN TO GENTLEMEN should be ceremonious and dignified. If the
+acquaintance is slight, write in the third person, if there is a
+necessity for a letter. If a business letter, be respectful, yet not
+servile. It is better to avoid correspondence with gentlemen,
+particularly whilst you are young, as there are many objections to it.
+Still, if a friend of long standing solicits a correspondence, and your
+parents or husband approve and permit compliance with the request, it
+would be over-prudish to refuse. Write, however, such letters as, if
+they were printed in the newspapers, would cause you no annoyance. If
+the acquaintance admits of a frank, friendly style, be careful that your
+expressions of good will do not become too vehement, and avoid any
+confidential communications. When he begins to ask you to keep such and
+such passages secret, believe me, it is quite time to drop the
+correspondence.
+
+LETTERS OF ENQUIRY, especially if they request a favor, should contain a
+few lines of compliment. If the letter is upon a private subject, such
+as enquiry with regard to the illness or misfortune of a friend, avoid
+making it too brief. To write short, careless letters upon such
+subjects, is unfeeling, and they will surely be attributed to motives of
+obligation or duty, not to interest. Letters of enquiry, referring to
+family matters, should be delicately worded, and appear dictated by
+interest, not mere curiosity. If the enquiry refers to matters
+interesting only to yourself, enclose a postage-stamp for the reply. In
+answering such letters, if they refer to your own health or subjects
+interesting to yourself, thank the writer for the interest expressed,
+and answer in a satisfactory manner. If the answer interests your
+correspondent only, do not reply as if the enquiry annoyed you, but
+express some interest in the matter of the letter, and give as clear and
+satisfactory reply as is in your power.
+
+LETTERS OFFERING FAVORS--Be careful in writing to offer a favor, that
+you do not make your friend feel a heavy weight of obligation by
+over-rating your services. The kindness will be duly appreciated, and
+more highly valued if offered in a delicate manner. Too strong a sense
+of obligation is humiliating, so do not diminish the real value of the
+service by forcing the receiver to acknowledge a fictitious value. Let
+the recipient of your good will feel that it affords you as much
+pleasure to confer the favor as it will give her to receive it. A letter
+accompanying a present, should be short and gracefully worded. The
+affectionate spirit of such little epistles will double the value of the
+gift which they accompany. Never refer to a favor received, in such a
+letter, as that will give your gift the appearance of being payment for
+such favor, and make your letter of about as much value as a tradesman's
+receipted bill.
+
+LETTERS OF THANKS for enquiries made, should be short, merely echoing
+the words of the letter they answer, and contain the answer to the
+question, with an acknowledgement of your correspondent's interest. If
+the letter is your own acknowledgement of a favor conferred, let the
+language be simple, but strong, grateful, and graceful. Fancy that you
+are clasping the hand of the kind friend who has been generous or
+thoughtful for you, and then write, even as you would speak. Never hint
+that you deem such a favor an obligation to be returned at the first
+opportunity; although this may really be the case, it is extremely
+indelicate to say so. In your letter gracefully acknowledge the
+obligation, and if, at a later day, you can return the favor, then let
+actions, not words, prove your grateful recollection of the favor
+conferred upon you. If your letter is written to acknowledge the
+reception of a present, speak of the beauty or usefulness of the gift,
+and of the pleasant associations with her name it will always recall.
+
+LETTERS OF RECOMMENDATION should be truthful, polite, and carefully
+considered. Such letters may be business letters, or they may be given
+to servants, and they must be given only when really deserved. Do not be
+hasty in giving them; remember that you are, in some measure responsible
+for the bearer; therefore, never sacrifice truth and frankness, to a
+mistaken idea of kindness or politeness.
+
+LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION must be left unsealed. They must not contain any
+allusion to the personal qualities of the bearer, as such allusion
+would be about as sure a proof of ill-breeding as if you sat beside your
+friend, and ran over the list of the virtues and talents possessed by
+her. The fact that the person bearing the letter is your friend, will be
+all sufficient reason for cordial reception by the friend to whom the
+letter is addressed. The best form is:--
+
+ PHILADELPHIA, _June 18th, 18--_.
+ MY DEAR MARY:
+
+ This letter will be handed to you by Mrs. C., to whom I am
+ pleased to introduce you, certain that the acquaintance thus
+ formed, between two friends of mine, of so long standing and
+ so much beloved, will be pleasant to both parties. Any
+ attention that you may find it in your power to extend to Mrs.
+ C. whilst she is in your city, will be highly appreciated, and
+ gratefully acknowledged, by
+
+ Your sincere friend
+ A----.
+
+LETTERS OF ADVICE should not be written unsolicited. They will, in all
+probability, even when requested, be unpalatable, and should never be
+sent unless they can really be of service. Write them with frankness and
+sincerity. To write after an act has been committed, and is irrevocable,
+is folly, and it is also unkind. You may inform your friend that, "had
+you been consulted, a different course from the one taken would have
+been recommended," and you may really believe this, yet it will probably
+be false. Seeing the unfavorable result of the wrong course will enable
+you fully to appreciate the wisdom of the right one, but, had you been
+consulted when the matter was doubtful, you would probably have been as
+much puzzled as your friend to judge the proper mode of action. You
+should word a letter of advice delicately, stating your opinion frankly
+and freely, but giving it _as_ an opinion, not as a positive law. If the
+advice is not taken, do not feel offended, as others, more experienced
+than yourself upon the point in question, may have also been consulted.
+Let no selfish motive govern such a letter. Think only of the good or
+evil to result to your friend, and while you may write warmly and
+earnestly, let the motive be a really disinterested one.
+
+LETTERS OF EXCUSE should be frank and graceful. They must be written
+promptly, as soon as the occasion that calls for them admits. If
+delayed, they become insulting. If such a letter is called forth by an
+act of negligence on your own part, apologize for it frankly, and show
+by your tone that you sincerely desire to regain the confidence your
+carelessness has periled. If you have been obliged by positive inability
+to neglect the fulfilment of any promise you have given, or any
+commission you have undertaken, then state the reason for your delay,
+and solicit the indulgence of your friend. Do not write in such stiff,
+formal language that the apology will seem forced from you, but offer
+your excuse frankly, as if with a sincere desire to atone for an act of
+negligence, or remove a ground of offence.
+
+LETTERS OF INTELLIGENCE are generally the answer to letters of enquiry,
+or the statement of certain incidents or facts, interesting both to the
+writer and reader of the letter. Be careful in writing such a letter
+that you have all the facts in exact accordance with the truth. Remember
+that every word is set down against you, if one item of your information
+prove to be false; and do not allow personal opinion or prejudice to
+dictate a single sentence. Never repeat anything gathered from mere
+hearsay, and be careful, in such a letter, that you violate no
+confidence, nor force yourself upon the private affairs of any one. Do
+not let scandal or a mere love of gossip dictate a letter of
+intelligence. If your news is painful, state it as delicately as
+possible, and add a few lines expressive of sympathy. If it is your
+pleasant task to communicate a joyful event, make your letter cheerful
+and gay. If you have written any such letter, and, after sending it,
+find you have made any error in a statement, write, and correct the
+mistake immediately. It may be a trivial error, yet there is no false or
+mistaken news so trifling as to make a correction unnecessary.
+
+INVITATIONS are generally written in the third person, and this form is
+used where the acquaintance is very slight, for formal notes, and cards
+of compliment. The form is proper upon such occasions, but should be
+used only in the most ceremonious correspondence. If this style is
+adopted by a person who has been accustomed to write in a more familiar
+one to you, take it as a hint, that the correspondence has, for some
+reason, become disagreeable, and had better cease.
+
+AUTOGRAPH LETTERS should be very short; merely acknowledging the
+compliment paid by the request for the signature, and a few words
+expressing the pleasure you feel in granting the favor. If you write to
+ask for an autograph, always inclose a postage stamp for the answer.
+
+Date every letter you write accurately, and avoid postscripts.
+
+Politeness, kindness, both demand that every letter you receive must be
+answered. Nothing can give more pleasure in a correspondence, than
+prompt replies. Matters of much importance often rest upon the reply to
+a letter, and therefore this duty should never be delayed. In answering
+friendly letters, it will be found much easier to write what is kind and
+interesting, if you sit down to the task as soon as you read your
+friend's letter. Always mention the date of the letter to which your own
+is a reply.
+
+Never write on a half sheet of paper. Paper is cheap, and a _half_ sheet
+looks both mean and slovenly. If you do not write but three lines, still
+send the whole sheet of paper. Perfectly plain paper, thick, smooth, and
+white, is the most elegant. When in mourning, use paper and envelopes
+with a black edge. Never use the gilt edged, or fancy bordered paper; it
+looks vulgar, and is in bad taste. You may, if you will, have your
+initials stamped at the top of the sheet, and on the seal of the
+envelope, but do not have any fancy ornaments in the corners, or on the
+back of the envelope.
+
+You will be guilty of a great breach of politeness, if you answer either
+a note or letter upon the half sheet of the paper sent by your
+correspondent, even though it may be left blank.
+
+Never write, even the shortest note, in pencil. It looks careless, and
+is rude.
+
+Never write a letter carelessly. It may be addressed to your most
+intimate friend, or your nearest relative, but you can never be sure
+that the eye for which it is intended, will be the _only_ one that sees
+it. I do not mean by this, that the epistle should be in a formal,
+studied _style_, but that it must be correct in its grammatical
+construction, properly punctuated, with every word spelt according to
+rule. Even in the most familiar epistles, observe the proper rules for
+composition; you would not in conversing, even with your own family, use
+incorrect grammar, or impertinent language; therefore avoid saying upon
+paper what you would not say with your tongue.
+
+Notes written in the third person, must be continued throughout in the
+same person; they are frequently very mysterious from the confusion of
+pronouns, yet it is a style of correspondence much used and very proper
+upon many occasions. For compliment, inquiry where there is no intimacy
+between the parties, from superiors to inferiors, the form is elegant
+and proper. If you receive a note written in the third person, reply in
+the same form, but do not reply thus to a more familiar note or letter,
+as it is insulting, and implies offence taken. If you wish to repel
+undue familiarity or impertinence in your correspondent, then reply to
+the epistle in the most formal language, and in the third person.
+
+It is an extraordinary fact, that persons who have received a good
+education, and who use their pens frequently, will often, in writing
+notes, commence in the third person and then use the second or first
+personal pronoun, and finish by a signature; thus--
+
+ Miss Claire's compliments to Mr. James, and wishes to know
+ whether you have finished reading my copy of "Jane Eyre," as
+ if Mr. James had finished it, I would like to lend it to
+ another friend.
+
+ Sincerely yours,
+ ELLA CLAIRE.
+
+The errors in the above are too glaring to need comment, yet, with only
+the alteration of names, it is a copy, _verbatim_, of a note written by
+a well educated girl.
+
+Never sign a note written in the third person, if you begin the note
+with your own name. It is admissible, if the note is worded in this
+way:--
+
+ Will Mr. James return by bearer, the copy of "Jane Eyre" he
+ borrowed, if he has finished reading it, and oblige his
+ sincere friend,
+
+ ELLA CLAIRE.
+
+If you use a quotation, never omit to put it in quotation marks,
+otherwise your correspondent may, however unjustly, accuse you of a
+desire to pass off the idea and words of another, for your own.
+
+Avoid postscripts. Above all, never send an inquiry or compliment in a
+postscript. To write a long letter, upon various subjects, and in the
+postscript desire to be remembered to your friend's family, or inquire
+for their welfare, instead of a compliment, becomes insulting. It is
+better, if you have not time to write again and place such inquiries
+above your signature, to omit them entirely. Nobody likes to see their
+name mentioned as an afterthought.
+
+Punctuate your letters carefully. The want of a mark of punctuation, or
+the incorrect placing of it, will make the most woful confusion. I give
+an instance of the utter absurdity produced by the alteration of
+punctuation marks, turning a sensible paragraph to the most arrant
+nonsense:
+
+"Caesar entered; on his head his helmet; on his feet armed sandals; upon
+his brow there was a cloud; in his right hand his faithful sword; in his
+eye an angry glare; saying nothing, he sat down."
+
+By using precisely the same words, merely altering the position of the
+punctuation marks, we have--
+
+"Caesar entered on his head; his helmet on his feet; armed sandals upon
+his brow; there was a cloud in his right hand; his faithful sword in his
+eye; an angry glare saying nothing; he sat down."
+
+Be careful, then, to punctuate properly, that you may convey to the
+reader the exact sense of what is in your mind.
+
+If you receive an impertinent letter, treat it with contempt; do not
+answer it.
+
+Never answer a letter by proxy, when you are able to write yourself. It
+is a mark of respect and love, to answer, in your own hand, all letters
+addressed to you. If you are obliged to write to a friend to refuse to
+grant a favor asked, you will lessen the pain of refusal by wording your
+letter delicately. Loving words, if it is a near friend, respectful,
+kind ones if a mere acquaintance, will make the disagreeable contents of
+the letter more bearable. Try to make the _manner_ smooth and soften the
+hardness of the _matter_.
+
+Every letter must embrace the following particulars: 1st. The date. 2d.
+The complimentary address. 3d. The body of the letter. 4th. The
+complimentary closing. 5th. The signature. 6th. The address.
+
+There are two ways of putting the date, and the address. The first is to
+place them at the top of the sheet, the other is to place them after the
+signature.
+
+When at the top, you write the name of your residence, or that of the
+city in which you reside, with the day of the month and the year, at the
+right hand of the first line of the sheet. Then, at the left hand of the
+next line, write the address, then the complimentary address below the
+name; thus--
+
+ WILLOW GROVE, NEW YORK,
+ _June 27th, 1859_.
+
+ MRS. E. C. HOWELL,
+
+ My dear Madam,
+ I received your letter, etc.
+
+At the end of the letter, on the right hand of the sheet, put the
+complimentary closing, and then the signature; thus--
+
+ I remain, my dear Madam,
+ With much respect,
+ Yours sincerely,
+ S. E. LAW.
+
+If you place the date and address after the signature, put it at the
+left of the sheet; thus--
+
+ I remain, my dear Madam,
+ With much respect,
+ Yours sincerely,
+ S. E. LAW.
+
+ MRS. E. C. HOWELL.
+ _June 27th, 1859._
+
+For a long letter, it is better to put the date and address at the top
+of the page. For a letter of only a few lines, which ends on the first
+page, the second form is best. In a letter written to a person in the
+same city, you need not put the address under the signature; if not,
+write it--
+
+ S. E. LAW,
+ WILLOW GROVE, NEW YORK.
+
+In writing to a dear friend or relative, where there is no formality
+required, you may omit the name at the top of the letter; put the date
+and address thus--
+
+ WILLOW GROVE, NEW YORK,
+ _June 27th, 1859_.
+
+ DEAR ANNA:
+
+ I write, etc.
+
+It is best, however, to put the full name at the bottom of the last
+page, in case the letter is mislaid without the envelope; thus--
+
+ E. C. LAW.
+ MISS ANNA WRIGHT.
+
+If you use an envelope, and this custom is now universal, fold your
+letter neatly to fit into it; then direct on the envelope. Put first the
+name, then the name of the person to whose care the letter must be
+directed, then the street, the city, and State. If the town is small,
+put also the county.
+
+This is the form:--
+
+ MISS ANNA WRIGHT,
+ Care of Mr. John C. Wright,
+ No. 40, Lexington street,
+ Greensburg--Lee County.
+ Mass.
+
+If the city is a large one, New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore, or any of
+the principal cities of the Union, you may omit the name of the county.
+If your letter is to go abroad, add the name of the country: as,
+England, or France, in full, under that of the city.
+
+The name of the state is usually abbreviated, and for the use of my
+readers, I give the names of the United States with their abbreviations:
+
+Maine, Me. New Hampshire, N. H. Vermont, Vt. Massachusetts, Mass. Rhode
+Island, R. I. Connecticut, Conn. New York, N. Y. New Jersey, N. J.
+Pennsylvania, Pa., or, Penn. Delaware, Del. Maryland, Md. Virginia, Va.
+North Carolina, N. C. South Carolina, S. C. Georgia, Ga., or, Geo.
+Alabama, Ala. Mississippi, Miss. Missouri, Mo. Louisiana, La. Tennessee,
+Tenn. Kentucky, Ky. Indiana, Ind. Ohio, O. Michigan, Mich. Illinois,
+Ill. Wisconsin, Wis. Arkansas, Ark. Texas, Tex. Iowa, Io. Florida, Flo.
+Oregon, O. California, Cal. Minnesota, Minn. District of Columbia, D. C.
+If you are writing from another country to America, put United States of
+America after the name of the state.
+
+On the upper right hand corner of your envelope, put your postage-stamp.
+
+If you send a letter by private hand, write the name of the bearer in
+the lower left hand corner, thus:
+
+ MRS. E. A. HOWELL,
+ Clinton Place,
+ Boston.
+
+ Mr. G. G. Lane.
+
+In directing to any one who can claim any prefix, or addition, to his
+proper name do not omit to put that "republican title." For a clergyman,
+Rev. for Reverend is put before the name, thus:--
+
+ REV. JAMES C. DAY.
+
+For a bishop:
+
+ RIGHT REVEREND E. BANKS.
+
+For a physician:
+
+ DR. JAMES CURTIS.
+
+ or,
+
+ JAMES CURTIS, M.D.
+
+For a member of Congress:
+
+ HON. E. C. DELTA.
+
+For an officer in the navy:
+
+ CAPT. HENRY LEE, U. S. N.
+
+For an officer in the army:
+
+ COL. EDWARD HOLMES, U. S. A.
+
+For a professor:
+
+ PROF. E. L. JAMES.
+
+If the honorary addition, LL.D., A. M., or any such title belongs to
+your correspondent, add it to his name on the envelope, thus:--
+
+ J. L. PETERS, LL.D.
+
+If you seal with wax, it is best to put a drop under the turn-over, and
+fasten this down firmly before you drop the wax that is to receive the
+impression.
+
+Cards of compliment are usually written in the third person. I give a
+few of the most common and proper forms.
+
+For a party:
+
+ Miss Lee's compliments to Mr. Bates, for Wednesday evening,
+ Nov. 18th, at 8 o'clock.
+
+Addressed to a lady:
+
+ Miss Lee requests the pleasure of Miss Howard's company on
+ Wednesday evening, Nov. 18th, at 8 o'clock.
+
+For a ball, the above form, with the word _Dancing_, in the left hand
+corner.
+
+Invitations to dinner or tea specify the entertainment thus:
+
+ Mrs. Garret's compliments to Mr. and Mrs. Howard, and requests
+ the pleasure of their company to dine (or take tea) on
+ Wednesday, Nov. 6th, at 6 o'clock.
+
+The form for answering, is:--
+
+ Miss Howard accepts with pleasure Miss Lee's polite invitation
+ for Wednesday evening.
+
+ or,
+
+ Miss Howard regrets that a prior engagement will prevent her
+ accepting Miss Lee's polite invitation for Wednesday evening.
+
+ Mr. and Mrs. Howard's compliments to Mrs. Garret, and accept
+ with pleasure her kind invitation for Wednesday.
+
+ or,
+
+ Mrs. Howard regrets that the severe illness of Mr. Howard will
+ render it impossible for either herself or Mr. Howard to join
+ Mrs. Garret's party on Wednesday next.
+
+Upon visiting cards, left when the caller is about to leave the city,
+the letters _p. p. c._ are put in the left hand corner, they are the
+abbreviation of the French words, _pour prendre conge_, or may, with
+equal propriety, stand for _presents parting compliments_. Another form,
+_p. d. a._, _pour dire adieu_, may be used.
+
+No accomplishment within the scope of human knowledge is so beautiful in
+all its features as that of epistolary correspondence. Though distance,
+absence, and circumstances may separate the holiest alliances of
+friendship, or those who are bound together by the still stronger ties
+of affection, yet the power of interchanging thoughts, words, feelings,
+and sentiments, through the medium of letters, adds a sweetness to the
+pain of separation, renovating to life, and adding to happiness.
+
+The wide ocean may roll between those who have passed the social years
+of youth together, or the snow-capped Alps may rise in sublime grandeur,
+separating early associates; still young remembrances may be called up,
+and the paradise of memory made to bloom afresh with unwithered flowers
+of holy recollection.
+
+Though we see not eye to eye and face to face, where the soft music of a
+loved voice may fall with its richness upon the ear, yet the very soul
+and emotions of the mind may be poured forth in such melody as to touch
+the heart "that's far away," and melt down the liveliest eye into tears
+of ecstatic rapture.
+
+Without the ability to practice the refined art of epistolary
+correspondence, men would become cold and discordant: an isolated
+compound of misanthropy. They would fall off in forsaken fragments from
+the great bond of union which now adorns and beautifies all society.
+Absence, distance, and time would cut the silken cords of parental,
+brotherly, and even connubial affection. Early circumstances would be
+lost in forgetfulness, and the virtues of reciprocal friendship "waste
+their sweetness on the desert air."
+
+Since, then, the art and practice of letter-writing is productive of so
+much refined and social happiness, a laudable indulgence in it must ever
+be commendable. While it elevates the noble faculties of the mind, it
+also chastens the disposition, and improves those intellectual powers
+which would otherwise remain dormant and useless.
+
+Notwithstanding the various beauties and pleasures attendant upon the
+accomplishment, yet there are many who have given it but a slight
+portion of their attention, and have, therefore, cause to blush at their
+own ignorance when necessity demands its practice. There is no better
+mode by which to test the acquirements of either a young lady or
+gentleman than from their letters.
+
+Letters are among the most useful forms of composition. There are few
+persons, who can read or write at all, who do not frequently have
+occasion to write them; and an elegant letter is much more rare than an
+elegant specimen of any other kind of writing.
+
+The more rational and elevated the topics are, on which you write, the
+less will you care for your letters being seen, or for paragraphs being
+read out of them; and where there is no need of any secrecy, it is best
+not to bind your friend by promises, but to leave it to her discretion.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI.
+
+POLITE DEPORTMENT, AND GOOD HABITS.
+
+
+Lord Chesterfield says, "Good sense and good nature suggest civility in
+general; but in good breeding there are a thousand little delicacies
+which are established only by custom."
+
+It is the knowledge and practice of such "little delicacies" which
+constitutes the greatest charm of society.
+
+Manner may be, and, in most cases, probably is, the cloak of the heart;
+this cloak may be used to cover defects, but is it not better so to
+conceal these defects, than to flaunt and parade them in the eyes of all
+whom we may meet?
+
+Many persons plead a love of truth as an apology for rough manners, as
+if truth was never gentle and kind, but always harsh, morose, and
+forbidding. Surely good manners and a good conscience are no more
+inconsistent with each other than beauty and innocence, which are
+strikingly akin, and always look the better for companionship. Roughness
+and honesty are indeed sometimes found together in the same person, but
+he is a poor judge of human nature who takes ill-manners to be a
+guarantee of probity of character. Some persons object to politeness,
+that its language is unmeaning and false. But this is easily answered.
+A lie is not locked up in a phrase, but must exist, if at all, in the
+mind of the speaker. In the ordinary compliments of civilized life,
+there is no intention to deceive, and consequently no falsehood. Polite
+language is pleasant to the ear, and soothing to the heart, while rough
+words are just the reverse; and if not the product of ill temper, are
+very apt to produce it. The plainest of truths, let it be remembered,
+can be conveyed in civil speech, while the most malignant lies may find
+utterance, and often do, in the language of the fishmarket.
+
+Many ladies say, "Oh, I am perfectly frank and outspoken; I never stop
+to mince words," or, "there is no affectation about me; all my actions
+are perfectly natural," and, upon the ground of frankness, will insult
+and wound by rude language, and defend awkwardness and ill-breeding by
+the plea of "natural manners."
+
+If nature has not invested you with all the virtues which may be
+desirable in a lady, do not make your faults more conspicuous by
+thrusting them forward upon all occasions, and at all times. "Assume a
+virtue if you have it not," and you will, in time, by imitation, acquire
+it.
+
+By endeavoring to _appear_ generous, disinterested, self-sacrificing,
+and amiable, the opposite passions will be brought into subjection,
+first in the manner, afterwards in the heart. It is not the desire to
+deceive, but the desire to please, which will dictate such a course.
+When you hear one, who pretends to be a lady, boast that she is rough,
+capricious, and gluttonous, you may feel sure that she has never tried
+to conquer these faults, or she would be ashamed, not proud, of them.
+
+The way to make yourself pleasing to others, is to show that you care
+for them. The whole world is like the miller at Mansfield, "who cared
+for nobody--no, not he--because nobody cared for him." And the whole
+world will serve you so, if you give them the same cause. Let every one,
+therefore, see that you do care for them, by showing them, what Sterne
+so happily calls, "the small, sweet courtesies of life," those
+courtesies in which there is no parade; whose voice is too still to
+tease, and which manifest themselves by tender and affectionate looks,
+and little, kind acts of attention, giving others the preference in
+every little enjoyment at the table, in the field, walking, sitting, or
+standing.
+
+Thus the first rule for a graceful manner is unselfish consideration of
+others.
+
+By endeavoring to acquire the habit of politeness, it will soon become
+familiar, and sit on you with ease, if not with elegance. Let it never
+be forgotten, that genuine politeness is a great fosterer of family
+love; it allays accidental irritation, by preventing harsh retorts and
+rude contradictions; it softens the boisterous, stimulates the indolent,
+suppresses selfishness, and by forming a habit of consideration for
+others, harmonizes the whole. Politeness begets politeness, and brothers
+may be easily won by it, to leave off the rude ways they bring home from
+school or college. Sisters ought never to receive any little attention
+without thanking them for it, never to ask a favor of them but in
+courteous terms, never to reply to their questions in monosyllables,
+and they will soon be ashamed to do such things themselves. Both
+precept and example ought to be laid under contribution, to convince
+them that no one can have really good manners abroad, who is not
+habitually polite at home.
+
+If you wish to be a well-bred lady, you must carry your good manners
+everywhere with you. It is not a thing that can be laid aside and put on
+at pleasure. True politeness is uniform disinterestedness in trifles,
+accompanied by the calm self-possession which belongs to a noble
+simplicity of purpose; and this must be the effect of a Christian spirit
+running through all you do, or say, or think; and, unless you cultivate
+it and exercise it, upon all occasions and towards all persons, it will
+never be a part of yourself.
+
+It is not an art to be paraded upon public occasions, and neglected in
+every-day duties; nor should it, like a ball-dress, be carefully laid
+aside at home, trimmed, ornamented, and worn only when out. Let it come
+into every _thought_, and it will show forth in every _action_. Let it
+be the rule in the homeliest duties, and then it will set easily when in
+public, not in a stiff manner, like a garment seldom worn.
+
+I wish it were possible to convince every woman that politeness is a
+most excellent good quality; that it is a necessary ingredient in social
+comfort, and a capital assistant to actual prosperity. Like most good
+things, however, the word politeness is often misunderstood and
+misapplied; and before urging the practical use of that which it
+represents, it may be necessary to say what it means, and what it does
+not mean.
+
+Politeness is not hypocrisy:--cold-heartedness, or unkindness in
+disguise. There are persons who can smile upon a victim, and talk
+smoothly, while they injure, deceive, or betray. And they will take
+credit to themselves, that all has been done with the utmost
+_politeness_; that every tone, look, and action, has been in perfect
+keeping with the rules of good breeding. "The words of their mouth are
+smoother than butter, but war is in their heart: their words are softer
+than oil, yet are they drawn swords." Perish for ever and ever such
+spurious politeness as this!
+
+Politeness is not servility. If it were so, a Russian serf would be a
+model of politeness. It is very possible for persons to be very cringing
+and obsequious, without a single atom of politeness; and it often
+happens that men of the most sturdy independence of character, are
+essentially polite in all their words, actions, and feelings. It were
+well for this to be fully understood, for many people will abstain from
+acts of real politeness, and even of common civility, for fear of
+damaging their fancied independence.
+
+True politeness, as I understand it, is kindness and courtesy of feeling
+brought into every-day exercise. It comprehends hearty good will towards
+everybody, thorough and constant good-humor, an easy deportment, and
+obliging manners. Every person who cultivates such feelings, and takes
+no pains to conceal them, will necessarily be polite, though she may not
+exactly know it; while, on the other hand, a woman essentially morose
+and selfish, whatever may be her pretensions, must be very far from
+truly polite.
+
+It is very true there are those whose position in society compels them
+to observe certain rules of etiquette which pass for politeness. They
+bow or courtesy with a decent grace; shake hands with the precise degree
+of vigor which the circumstances of the case require; speak just at the
+right time, and in the required manner, and smile with elegant
+propriety. Not a tone, look, or gesture, is out of place; not a habit
+indulged which etiquette forbids; and yet, there will be wanting, after
+all, the secret charm of sincerity and heart kindness, which those
+outward signs are intended to represent; and, wanting which, we have
+only the form, without the essence, of politeness.
+
+Let me recommend, therefore, far beyond all the rules ever penned by
+teachers of etiquette, the cultivation of kind and loving feelings.
+Throw your whole soul into the lesson, and you will advance rapidly
+towards the perfection of politeness, for "out of the abundance of the
+heart the mouth speaketh," and the movements of your form and the words
+you utter will follow faithfully the hidden springs of action within.
+
+There cannot be genuine good breeding to any happy degree, where there
+is not self-respect. It is that which imparts ease and confidence to our
+manners, and impels us, for our own sake, as well as for the sake of
+others, to behave becomingly as intelligent beings.
+
+It is a want of true politeness that introduces the discord and
+confusion which too often make our homes unhappy. A little consideration
+for the feelings of those whom we are bound to love and cherish, and a
+little sacrifice of our own wills, would, in multitudes of instances,
+make all the difference between alienation and growing affection. The
+principle of genuine politeness would accomplish this; and what a pity
+it is that those whose only spring of rational enjoyment is to be found
+at _home_, should miss that enjoyment by a disregard of little things,
+which, after all, make up the sum of human existence!
+
+What a large amount of actual discomfort in domestic life would be
+prevented, if all children were trained, both by precept and example, to
+the practice of common politeness! If they were taught to speak
+respectfully to parents, and brothers, and sisters, to friends,
+neighbors, and strangers, what bawlings, and snarlings would be stilled!
+If their behavior within doors, and especially at the table, were
+regulated by a few of the common rules of good breeding, how much
+natural and proper disgust would be spared! If courtesy of demeanor,
+towards all whom they meet in field or highway, were instilled, how much
+more pleasant would be our town travels, and our rustic rambles! Every
+parent has a personal interest in this matter; and if every parent would
+but make the needful effort, a great degree of gross incivility, and
+consequent annoyance, would soon be swept away from our hearths and
+homes.
+
+Whilst earnestly endeavoring to acquire true politeness, avoid that
+spurious imitation, affectation. It is to genuine politeness and good
+breeding, what the showy paste is to the pure diamond. It is the
+offspring of a sickly taste, a deceitful heart, and a sure proof of low
+breeding.
+
+The certain test of affectation in any individual, is the looking,
+speaking, moving, or acting in any way different when in the presence of
+others, especially those whose opinion we regard and whose approbation
+we desire, from what we should do in solitude, or in the presence of
+those only whom we disregard, or who we think cannot injure or benefit
+us. The motive for resisting affectation is, that it is both
+unsuccessful and sinful. It always involves a degree of hypocrisy, which
+is exceedingly offensive in the sight of God, which is generally
+detected even by men, and which, when detected, exposes its subject to
+contempt which could never have been excited by the mere absence of any
+quality or possession, as it is by the false assumption of what is not
+real. The best cure for affectation is the cultivation, on principle, of
+every good, virtuous, and amiable habit and feeling, not for the sake of
+being approved or admired, but because it is right in itself, and
+without considering what people will think of it. Thus a real character
+will be formed instead of a part being assumed, and admiration and love
+will be spontaneously bestowed where they are really deserved.
+Artificial manners are easily seen through; and the result of such
+observations, however accomplished and beautiful the object may be, is
+contempt for such littleness.
+
+Many ladies, moving, too, in good society, will affect a forward, bold
+manner, very disagreeable to persons of sense. They will tell of their
+wondrous feats, when engaged in pursuits only suited for men; they will
+converse in a loud, boisterous tone; laugh loudly; sing comic songs, or
+dashing bravuras in a style only fit for the stage or a gentleman's
+after-dinner party; they will lay wagers, give broad hints and then
+brag of their success in forcing invitations or presents; interlard
+their conversation with slang words or phrases suited only to the stable
+or bar-room, and this they think is a dashing, fascinating manner. It
+may be encouraged, admired, in their presence, by gentlemen, and
+imitated by younger ladies, but, be sure, it is looked upon with
+contempt, and disapproval by every one of good sense, and that to
+persons of real refinement it is absolutely disgusting.
+
+Other ladies, taking quite as mistaken a view of real refinement, will
+affect the most childish timidity, converse only in whispers, move
+slowly as an invalid, faint at the shortest notice, and on the slightest
+provocation; be easily moved to tears, and profess never to eat, drink,
+or sleep. This course is as absurd as the other, and much more
+troublesome, as everybody dreads the scene which will follow any shock
+to the dear creature's nerves, and will be careful to avoid any
+dangerous topics.
+
+Self-respect, and a proper deference for our superiors in age or
+intellect, will be the best safeguards against either a cringing or
+insolent manner.
+
+Without self-respect you will be apt to be both awkward and bashful;
+either of which faults are entirely inconsistent with a graceful manner.
+Be careful that while you have sufficient self-respect to make your
+manner easy, it does not become arrogance and so engender insolence.
+Avoid sarcasm; it will, unconsciously to yourself, degenerate into
+pertness, and often downright rudeness. Do not be afraid to speak
+candidly, but temper candor with courtesy, and never let wit run into
+that satire that will wound deeply, whilst it amuses only slightly.
+
+Let your carriage be at once dignified and graceful. There are but few
+figures that will bear quick motion; with almost every one its effect is
+that of a jerk, a most awkward movement. Let the feet, in walking or
+dancing, be turned out slightly; when you are seated, rest them both on
+the floor or a footstool. To sit with the knees or feet crossed or
+doubled up, is awkward and unlady-like. Carry your arms, in walking,
+easily; never crossing them stiffly or swinging them beside you. When
+seated, if you are not sewing or knitting, keep your hands perfectly
+quiet. This, whilst one of the most difficult accomplishments to attain,
+is the surest mark of a lady. Do not fidget, playing with your rings,
+brooch, or any little article that may be near you; let your hands rest
+in an easy, natural position, perfectly quiet.
+
+Never gesticulate when conversing; it looks theatrical, and is ill-bred;
+so are all contortions of the features, shrugging of shoulders, raising
+of the eyebrows, or hands.
+
+When you open a conversation, do so with a slight bow and smile, but be
+careful not to simper, and not to smile too often, if the conversation
+becomes serious.
+
+Never point. It is excessively ill-bred.
+
+Avoid exclamations; they are in excessively bad taste, and are apt to be
+vulgar words. A lady may express as much polite surprise or concern by a
+few simple, earnest words, or in her manner, as she can by exclaiming
+"Good gracious!" "Mercy!" or "Dear me!"
+
+Remember that every part of your person and dress should be in perfect
+order before you leave the dressing-room, and avoid all such tricks as
+smoothing your hair with your hand, arranging your curls, pulling the
+waist of your dress down, or settling your collar or sleeves.
+
+Avoid lounging attitudes, they are indelicate, except in your own
+private apartment. Nothing but ill health will excuse them before
+company, and a lady had better keep her room if she is too feeble to sit
+up in the drawing-room.
+
+Let your deportment suit your age and figure; to see a tiny, fairy-like
+young girl, marching erect, stiff, and awkwardly, like a soldier on
+parade, is not more absurd than to see a middle-aged, portly woman,
+aping the romping, hoydenish manners of a school-girl.
+
+Let the movements be easy and flexible, and accord with the style of the
+lady.
+
+Let your demeanor be always marked by modesty and simplicity; as soon as
+you become forward or affected, you have lost your greatest charm of
+manner.
+
+You should be quite as anxious to _talk_ with propriety as you are to
+think, work, sing, paint, or write, according to the most correct rules.
+
+Always select words calculated to convey an exact impression of your
+meaning.
+
+Let your articulation be easy, clear, correct in accent, and suited in
+tone and emphasis to your discourse.
+
+Avoid a muttering, mouthing, stuttering, droning, guttural, nasal, or
+lisping, pronunciation.
+
+Let your speech be neither too loud nor too low; but adjusted to the ear
+of your companion. Try to prevent the necessity of any person crying,
+"What? What?"
+
+Avoid a loquacious propensity; you should never occupy more than your
+share of the time, or more than is agreeable to others.
+
+Beware of such vulgar interpolations as "You know," "You see," "I'll
+tell you what."
+
+Pay a strict regard to the rules of grammar, even in private
+conversation. If you do not understand these rules, learn them, whatever
+be your age or station.
+
+Though you should always speak pleasantly, do not mix your conversation
+with loud bursts of laughter.
+
+Never indulge in uncommon words, or in Latin and French phrases, but
+choose the best understood terms to express your meaning.
+
+Above all, let your conversation be intellectual, graceful, chaste,
+discreet, edifying, and profitable.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII.
+
+CONDUCT IN CHURCH.
+
+
+In entering a church of a different denomination from the one you have
+been in the habit of frequenting, ask the sexton to show you to a seat.
+It is the height of rudeness to enter a pew without invitation, as the
+owner may desire, if her family do not require all the seats, to invite
+her own personal friends to take the vacant places. If you are not
+perfectly familiar with the manner of conducting the worship, observe
+those around you, rise, kneel, and sit, as you see they do. It is a mark
+of disrespect for the pastor as well as irreverence for the Most High,
+to remain seated through the whole service, unless you are ill, or
+otherwise incapacitated from standing and kneeling.
+
+Enter the sacred edifice slowly, reverentially, and take your seat
+quietly. It is not required of you to bow to any friend you may see in
+passing up the aisle, as you are supposed yourself to be, and suppose
+her to be entirely absorbed in thought proper for the occasion. To stare
+round the church, or if you are not alone, to whisper to your companion,
+is irreverent, indelicate, and rude. If your own feelings will not
+prompt you to silence and reverence, pay some regard to the feelings of
+others.
+
+Be careful not to appear to notice those around you. If others are so
+rude as to talk or conduct improperly, fix your own mind upon the
+worship which you come to pay, and let the impertinence pass unheeded.
+
+If there is another person in the same pew with yourself, who, more
+familiar with the service, hands you the book, or points out the place,
+acknowledge the civility by a silent bow; it is not necessary to speak.
+
+In your own pew, extend this courtesy to a stranger who may come in
+beside you, and even if it is a gentleman you may, with perfect
+propriety, hand him a book, or, if there is but one, offer him a share
+of your own.
+
+Endeavor always to be in your seat before the service commences, and
+after it is over do not hurry away, and, above all, do not begin your
+preparations for departure, by shutting up your book, or putting on any
+article of dress you have removed, before the benediction.
+
+If you are invited to accompany a friend to church, be sure you are
+ready in good season, that you may not keep her waiting when she calls,
+or cause her to lose any part of the service by detaining her at your
+house. If you invite a friend to take a seat in your pew, call for her
+early, give her the most comfortable place, and be sure she has a prayer
+and hymn-book.
+
+If you are invited to stand as god-mother to a friend's child, be at the
+house of the parents in season to accompany the family to church, and
+send, the day before, the gift you design for the babe. A silver cup is
+the usual present, with your little namesake's initials, or full name,
+engraved upon it.
+
+In assisting at a wedding at church, if you are one of the bridesmaids,
+wear white, a white bonnet but no veil. If you occupy the first place,
+the bride's, it is in better taste to be married in a simple dress and
+bonnet, and don your full dress when you return home to receive your
+friends. In such ceremonies the wedding-party all meet in the vestry,
+and go to the altar together.[A]
+
+[A] For further particulars, see chapter on Bridal Etiquette.
+
+At a funeral, enter the church quietly, and, unless you belong to the
+mourners, wait until they leave the church before you rise from your
+seat. Never attempt to speak to any of the afflicted family. However
+heartfelt your sympathy, it will not be welcome at that time.
+
+If, when entering a crowded church, a gentleman sees you and offers his
+seat, acknowledge his civility, whether accepted or declined, by a bow,
+and a whispered "thank you." Many, who claim the name of lady, and think
+they are well-bred, will accept such an act of politeness without making
+the slightest acknowledgement. If the service has commenced, do not
+speak; a courteous inclination of the head will convey your sense of
+obligation.
+
+Remember, as an imperative, general rule, in whatever church you may be,
+whether at home or abroad, conform to the mode of worship whilst you are
+in that church. If you find, in these modes, forms which are
+disagreeable to you, or which shock your own ideas of religion, avoid a
+second visit, but do not insult the congregation, by showing your
+contempt or disapproval, whilst you are among them. Silence, quiet
+attention, and a grave, reverential demeanor, mark the Christian lady in
+church.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII.
+
+BALL ROOM ETIQUETTE.
+
+FOR THE HOSTESS.
+
+
+When you have decided upon what evening you will give your ball, send
+out your invitations, a fortnight before the evening appointed. To
+ladies, word them:--
+
+ Mrs. L---- requests the pleasure of Miss G----'s company on
+ Wednesday evening, Jan. 17th, at 9 o'clock.
+
+ _Dancing._
+
+ The favor of an early answer is requested.
+
+To gentlemen:--
+
+ Mrs. L----'s compliments to Mr. R---- for Wednesday evening,
+ Jan. 17th, at 9 o'clock.
+
+ _Dancing._
+
+ The favor of an early answer is requested.
+
+If you are unmarried, put your mother's name with your own upon the
+cards. If you have a father or grown-up brother, let the invitations to
+the gentlemen go in his name.
+
+In making your list for a ball, do not set down _all_ of your "dear
+five hundred friends." The middle-aged, (unless they come as chaperons,)
+the serious, and the sober-minded, will not accept your invitation, and
+the two last named may consider it insulting to be invited to so
+frivolous an amusement. By the way, I do not agree with the
+straight-laced people, who condemn all such amusements. I agree with
+Madame Pilau. When the cure of her parish told her he was writing a
+series of sermons against dancing, she said to him:
+
+"You are talking of what you do not understand. _You_ have never been to
+a ball, _I_ have; and I assure you there is no sin in the matter worthy
+of mention or notice."
+
+If you really wish for dancing, you will accommodate your guests to your
+rooms, inviting one third more than they will hold, as about that number
+generally disappoint a ball-giver. If you wish to have a rush of people,
+and do not mind heat, crowding, and discomfort, to insure an immense
+assembly, (a ball to be talked about for its size only,) then you may
+invite every body who figures upon your visiting list.
+
+Over one hundred is a "large ball," under that a "ball," unless there
+are less than fifty guests, when it is merely a "dance."
+
+The directions given in chapter 5th for the arrangement of the
+dressing-rooms will apply here, but your parlor, or ball room, requires
+some attention. Have the carpets taken up two days before the evening of
+the ball, and the floor waxed. A smooth, polished floor is an absolute
+necessity for pleasant dancing. At one end of your ball room, have a
+space partitioned off for the musicians. Leave, for their use, plenty of
+room, as silence or discord will come from a crowded orchestra. If your
+house is double, and you use the rooms on each side, place the musicians
+in the hall.
+
+Four pieces of music is enough for a private ball, unless your rooms are
+very large. For one room a piano, violin, and violoncello makes a good
+band.
+
+You must have your rooms well ventilated if you wish to avoid fainting
+and discomfort.
+
+To secure a really brilliant ball, pay considerable attention to the
+arrangement of your ball room. In Paris this arrangement consists in
+turning the room, for the evening, into a perfect garden. Every corner
+is filled with flowers. Wreaths, bouquets, baskets, and flowering-plants
+in moss-covered pots. With brilliant light, and taste in the details of
+arranging them, this profusion of flowers produces an exquisitely
+beautiful effect, and harmonizes perfectly with the light dresses,
+cheerful faces, and gay music. The pleasure of your guests, as well as
+the beauty of the rooms, will be increased by the elegance of your
+arrangements; their beauty will be heightened by brilliant light, and by
+judicious management a scene of fairy-like illusion may be produced.
+
+Not only in the ball room itself, but in the hall, supper-room, and
+dressing-rooms, place flowers. A fine effect is produced, by placing a
+screen, covered with green and flowers, before the space set apart for
+the musicians. To hear the music proceeding from behind this floral
+embankment, and yet have the scraping and puffing men invisible, adds
+very much to the illusion of the scene.
+
+In the dressing-rooms have, at least, two servants for each. Let them
+take the cloaks and hoods, and put a numbered ticket upon each bundle,
+handing the duplicate number to the lady or gentleman owning it.
+
+It is best to have the supper-room upon the same floor as the ball room.
+The light dresses, worn upon such occasions, suffer severely in passing
+up and down a crowded staircase.
+
+Have a number of double cards written or printed with a list of the
+dances, arranged in order, upon one side, and a space for engagements
+upon the other. Attach a small pencil to each. Let a waiter stand at the
+entrance to the ball room, and hand a card to each guest as they pass
+in.
+
+The first strain of music must be a march; then follows a quadrille,
+then a waltz. Other dances follow in any order you prefer until the
+fourteenth, which should be the march which announces supper. If you
+throw open the supper-room, early, and the guests go out when they wish,
+the march may be omitted. Twenty-one to twenty-four dances are
+sufficient. Have an interval of ten minutes after each one.
+
+The supper-room should be thrown open at midnight, and remain open until
+your last guest has departed. Let it be brilliantly lighted, and have
+plenty of waiters in attendance.
+
+There can be no rule laid down for the supper. It may be hot or heavily
+iced. It may consist entirely of confectionary, or it may include the
+bill of fare for a hotel table. One rule you must observe; have
+abundance of everything. Other entertainments may be given upon
+economical principles, but a ball cannot. Light, attendance, supper,
+every detail must be carefully attended to, and a ball must be an
+expensive luxury.
+
+At a ball-supper every one stands up. The waiters will hand refreshment
+from the tables to the gentlemen, who, in turn, wait upon the ladies.
+
+You must bring forth your whole array of smiles, when you perform the
+part of hostess in a ball room. As your guests will come dropping in at
+all hours, you must hover near the door to greet each one entering.
+There will be many strangers amongst the gentlemen. Miss G. will bring
+her fiancee. Miss L., her brother, just returned, after ten years'
+absence, from India. Miss R. introduces her cousin, in the city for a
+week. Miss M., as a belle, will, perhaps, take the liberty of telling
+some ten or twelve of her most devoted admirers where she may be seen on
+the evening of your ball, and, though strangers, they will, one after
+another, bow over your hand. To each and every one you must extend the
+amiable greeting due to an invited guest. If you are the only lady of
+the house, your duties will, indeed, be laborious. You must be
+everywhere at the same moment. Not a guest must pass unwelcomed. You
+must introduce partners to all the wall-flowers. You must see that every
+set is made up before the music commences. Each guest must be introduced
+to a proper partner for every dance, and not one frown, one pettish
+word, one look of fatigue, one sigh of utter weariness must disturb your
+smiling serenity. You must be ready to chat cheerfully with every bore
+who detains you, when crossing the room, to make up a set of quadrilles
+in a minute's time; listen patiently to the sighing lover, whose fair
+one is engaged fifty times during twenty dances; secure a good dancer
+for each longing belle; do the same for the beaux; yet you must never be
+hurried, worried, or fatigued.
+
+If there are several ladies, a mother and two or three daughters, for
+instance, divide the duties. Let one receive the guests, another arrange
+the sets, a third introduce couples, and a fourth pair off the talkers.
+A brother or father will be a treasure in a ball room, as the standing
+of sets can be better managed by a gentleman than a lady.
+
+None of the ladies who give the ball should dance until every fair guest
+has a partner.
+
+One of your duties will be to see that no young ladies lose their supper
+for want of an escort to ask them to go out. You may give the hint to an
+intimate gentleman friend, if there is no brother or father to take the
+duty, introduce him to the disconsolate damsel, and send her off happy.
+If all the guests go to the supper-room when it is first thrown open,
+you must be the last to leave the ball room. For the hostess to take the
+lead to the supper-room, leaving her guests to pair off, and follow as
+they please, is in very bad taste.
+
+If you announce supper by a march, many of your guests will remain in
+the ball room, to promenade, avoid the crowd at the first table, and
+indulge in a tete-a-tete conversation. These will afterwards go out, in
+pairs, when the first crush in the refreshment-room is over.
+
+If, by accident or negligence, you miss an introduction to any of your
+gentlemen guests, you may still speak to them if you wish. It is your
+privilege as hostess to introduce yourself, and invite any gentleman to
+dance with you, or offer to introduce him to a partner. In the latter
+case he ought to mention his name, but if he omits to do so, you may ask
+it.
+
+There has been a custom introduced in some of our large cities lately,
+which is an admirable one for a private ball. It is to hire, for the
+evening, a public hall. This includes the dressing-room, supper-room,
+every comfort, and saves you from the thousand annoyances which are
+certain to follow a ball in a private house. You hire the hall and other
+rooms, the price including light, hire a band of music, and order a
+supper at a confectioners, hiring from his establishment all the china,
+glass, and silver you will want. In this case you must enclose in every
+invitation a ticket to admit your friend's party, to prevent loungers
+from the street coming in, uninvited.
+
+You will, perhaps, find the actual outlay of money greater, when you
+thus hire your ball room, but you will save more than the difference in
+labor, annoyance, and the injury to your house. You secure a better room
+than any parlor, you have the floor waxed and polished without the
+trouble of taking up your carpets. You save all the dreadful labor of
+cleaning up the house the next day, as well as that of preparation.
+
+You can, if you wish, invite a few friends to a late dinner with you,
+and all proceed to the ball room together. You must be the first to
+enter the room, the last to leave it, and every duty is the same as if
+you were at home; the ball room is, in fact, your own house, for the
+evening.
+
+If you wish your guests to come in costume for a fancy ball, name the
+character of the entertainment in your invitation.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX.
+
+BALL ROOM ETIQUETTE.
+
+FOR THE GUEST.
+
+
+As in every other case where hospitality is extended to you by
+invitation, you must send your answer as soon as possible, accepting or
+declining the civility.
+
+In preparing a costume for a ball, choose something very light. Heavy,
+dark silks are out of place in a ball room, and black should be worn in
+no material but lace. For a married lady, rich silk of some light color,
+trimmed with flowers, lace, or tulle; white silk plain, or lace over
+satin, make an exquisite toilette. Jewels are perfectly appropriate;
+also feathers in the _coiffure_.
+
+For the young lady, pure white or light colors should be worn, and the
+most appropriate dress is of some thin material made over silk, white,
+or the same color as the outer dress. Satin or velvet are entirely out
+of place on a young lady. Let the _coiffure_ be of flowers or ribbons,
+never feathers, and but very little jewelry is becoming to an unmarried
+lady. All ladies must wear boots or slippers of satin, white, black, or
+the color of the dress. White are the most appropriate; black, the most
+becoming to the foot. White kid gloves, full trimmed, a fine lace
+trimmed handkerchief, and a fan, are indispensable. Be very careful,
+when dressing for a ball, that the hair is firmly fastened, and the
+_coiffure_ properly adjusted. Nothing is more annoying than to have the
+hair loosen or the head-dress fall off in a crowded ball room.
+
+Your first duty, upon entering the room, is to speak to your hostess.
+After a few words of greeting, turn to the other guests.
+
+At a private ball, no lady will refuse an introduction to a gentleman.
+It is an insult to her hostess, implying that her guests are _not
+gentlemen_. It is optional with the lady whether to continue or drop the
+acquaintance after the ball is over, but for that evening, however
+disagreeable, etiquette requires her to accept him for _one_ dance, if
+she is disengaged, and her hostess requests it. At a public ball, it is
+safest to decline all introductions made by the master of ceremonies,
+though, as before, such acquaintances are not binding after the evening
+is over.
+
+Be very careful how you refuse to dance with a gentleman. A prior
+engagement will, of course, excuse you, but if you plead fatigue, or
+really feel it, do not dance the set with another gentleman; it is most
+insulting, though sometimes done. On the other hand, be careful that you
+do not engage yourself twice for the same quadrille. In a polka or
+valse, you may do this, saying, "I will dance the second half with you,
+but have a prior engagement for the first." Then, after a few rounds
+with your first partner, say to him that you are engaged for the
+remainder of the dance, resume your seat, and your second partner will
+seek you.
+
+Let your manner in a ball room be quiet. It looks very badly to see a
+lady endeavoring to attract attention by her boisterous manner, loud
+talking, or over-active dancing. Do not drag through dances as if you
+found them wearisome; it is an insult to your partner, but while you are
+cheerful and animated, be lady-like and dignified in your deportment.
+
+At the end of each dance, your partner will offer his arm, and conduct
+you to a seat; then bow, and release him from further attendance, as he
+may be engaged for the next dance.
+
+When invited to dance, hand your ball card to the gentleman, who will
+put his name in one of the vacant places.
+
+If you wish to go to the supper-room, accept the invitation that will be
+made, after the dances whilst it is open, but do not remain there long.
+You may be keeping your escort from other engagements.
+
+If you are accompanied by a gentleman, besides your father or brother,
+remember he has the right to the first dance, and also will expect to
+take you in to supper. Do not let any one else interfere with his
+privilege.
+
+If you wish, during the evening, to go to the dressing-room to arrange
+any part of your dress, request the gentleman with whom you are dancing
+to escort you there. He will wait for you at the door, and take you back
+to the ball-room. Do not detain him any longer than is necessary. Never
+leave the ball room, for any such purpose, alone, as there are always
+gentlemen near and round the door, and it looks very badly to see a
+lady, unattended, going through a crowd of gentlemen.
+
+It is best at a ball, to dance only every other dance, as over-fatigue,
+and probably a flushed face, will follow too much dancing. Decline the
+intermediate ones, on the plea of fatigue, or fear of fatigue.
+
+Never go into the supper-room with the same gentleman twice. You may go
+more than once, if you wish for an ice or glass of water, (surely no
+lady wants two or three _suppers_,) but do not tax the same gentleman
+more than once, even if he invites you after each dance.
+
+No lady of taste will carry on a flirtation in a ball room, so as to
+attract remark. Be careful, unless you wish your name coupled with his,
+how you dance too often with the same gentleman.
+
+If you are so unfortunate as, forgetting a prior engagement, to engage
+yourself to two gentlemen for the same dance, decline dancing it
+altogether, or you will surely offend one of them.
+
+Never press forward to take the lead in a quadrille, and if others, not
+understanding the figures, make confusion, try to get through without
+remark. It is useless to attempt to teach them, as the music, and other
+sets, will finish the figure long before you can teach and dance it.
+Keep your temper, refrain from all remark, and endeavor to make your
+partner forget, in your cheerful conversation, the annoyances of the
+dance.
+
+There is much that is exhilarating in the atmosphere of a ball room. The
+light, music, company, and even dancing itself, are all conducive to
+high spirits; be careful that this flow of spirits does not lead you
+into hoydenism and rudeness. Guard your actions and your tongue, that
+you may leave the room as quietly and gracefully as you enter it.
+
+Avoid confidential conversation in a ball room. It is out of season, and
+in excessively bad taste.
+
+Be modest and reserved, but avoid bashfulness. It looks like a
+school-girl, and is invariably awkward.
+
+Never allow your partner, though he may be your most intimate friend, to
+converse in a low tone, or in any way assume a confidential or
+lover-like air at a ball. It is in excessively bad taste, and gives
+annoyance frequently, as others suppose such low-toned remarks may refer
+to them.
+
+Dance as others do. It has a very absurd look to take every step with
+dancing-school accuracy, and your partner will be the first one to
+notice it. A quadrille takes no more steps than a graceful walk.
+
+Never stand up to dance in a quadrille, unless you are perfectly
+familiar with the figures, depending upon your partner to lead you
+through. You will probably cause utter confusion in the set, annoy the
+others forming it, and make yourself appear absurd.
+
+No young lady should go to a ball, without the protection of a married
+lady, or an elderly gentleman.
+
+Never cross a ball room alone.
+
+Never remain in a ball room until all the company have left it, or even
+until the last set. It is ill-bred, and looks as if you were
+unaccustomed to such pleasures, and so desirous to prolong each one.
+Leave while there are still two or three sets to be danced. Do not
+accept any invitation for these late dances, as the gentleman who
+invites you may find out your absence too late to take another partner,
+and you will thus deprive him of the pleasure of dancing.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX.
+
+PLACES OF AMUSEMENT.
+
+
+Do not accept an invitation to visit any place of public amusement, with
+a gentleman with whom you are but slightly acquainted, unless there is
+another lady also invited. You may, as a young lady, go with a relative
+or your fiancee, without a chaperon, but not otherwise.
+
+Having received an invitation which it is proper for you to accept,
+write an answer immediately, appointing an hour for your escort to call
+for you, and be sure that you are ready in good season. To arrive late
+is not only annoying to those near your seat, whom you disturb when you
+enter, but it is ill-bred; you will be supposed to be some one who is
+unable to come early, instead of appearing as a lady who is mistress of
+her own time.
+
+If the evening is cloudy, or it rains, your escort will probably bring a
+carriage; and let me say a few words here about entering and leaving a
+carriage.
+
+How to get in is difficult, but of less importance than getting out;
+because if you stumble in, no one sees you, but some one who may happen
+to be in the carriage; but how to get out is so important, that I will
+illustrate it by a short diplomatic anecdote:--
+
+"The Princess of Hesse-Darmstadt," says M. Mercy d'Argenteau, an
+ambassador of the last century, "having been desired by the Empress of
+Austria to bring her three daughters to court, in order that her
+Imperial Majesty might choose one of them for a wife to one of her sons,
+drove up in her coach to the palace gate. Scarcely had they entered the
+presence, when, before even speaking to them, the empress went up to the
+second daughter, and, taking her by the hand, said, 'I choose this young
+lady.' The mother, astonished at the suddenness of her choice, inquired
+what had actuated it. 'I watched the young ladies get out of their
+carriage,' said the empress. 'Your eldest daughter stepped on her dress,
+and only saved herself from falling by an awkward scramble; the youngest
+jumped from the coach to the ground, without touching the steps; the
+second, just lifting her dress in front, so as she descended to show the
+point of her shoe, calmly stepped from the carriage to the ground,
+neither hurriedly nor stiffly, but with grace and dignity: she is fit to
+be an empress; her eldest sister is too awkward, her youngest too
+wild.'"
+
+THE THEATRE--Here you must wear your bonnet, though you may throw aside
+your cloak or shawl, if you desire it. Your escort will pass to your
+seats first, and then turn and offer his hand to lead you to your own.
+Once seated, give your attention entirely to the actors whilst the
+curtain is up--to your companion when it is down.
+
+Do not look round the house with your glass. A lady's deportment should
+be very modest in a theatre. Avoid carefully every motion, or gesture
+that will attract attention. To flirt a fan, converse in whispers,
+indulge in extravagant gestures of merriment or admiration, laugh loudly
+or clap your hands together, are all excessively vulgar and unlady-like.
+Never turn your head to look at those seated behind you, or near you.
+
+If you speak to your companion while the curtain is up, lower your
+voice, that you may not disturb others interested in the conversation on
+the stage.
+
+THE OPERA--Here you should wear full dress, an opera cloak, and either a
+head-dress, or dressy bonnet of some thin material. Your gloves must be
+of kid, white, or some very light tint to suit your dress. Many dress
+for the opera as they would for the theatre; but the beauty of the house
+is much enhanced by each lady contributing her full dress toilette to
+the general effect.
+
+If you go to the dressing-room, leave your hood and shawl in the care of
+the woman in waiting, whom you must fee when she returns them to you.
+
+If you do not wish to go to the dressing-room, allow your escort to take
+off your shawl or cloak, and throw it over the back of the seat. As your
+opera cloak must be light enough to keep on all the evening, though you
+may throw it open, you must wear over it a heavier cloak or a shawl.
+Throw this off in the lobby, just before you enter your box. Your gloves
+you must keep on all the evening.
+
+Avoid handling the play bills, as the printing ink will soil your gloves
+in a few minutes, making your hands appear very badly for the rest of
+the evening.
+
+You should be in your seat at the opera before the overture commences.
+
+Never converse during the performance. Even the lowest toned remark
+will disturb a real lover of music, and these will be near you on all
+sides. Exclamations of admiration, "Exquisite!" "Beautiful!" or
+"Lovely!" are in the worst taste. Show your appreciation by quiet
+attention to every note, and avoid every exclamation or gesture.
+
+In our new opera houses there are rooms for promenade, and between the
+acts your escort may invite you to walk there. You may accept the
+invitation with perfect propriety. He will leave the box first and then
+offer his hand to you. In the lobby take his arm, and keep it until you
+return to the box. If you have taken your cloak or shawl to your seat,
+leave them there during your promenade. Return to your seat when the
+gong sounds the recall, that you may not disturb others after the next
+act commences.
+
+In walking up and down in the promenading saloon, you may pass and
+repass friends. Bow the first time you meet them, but not again.
+
+If you meet your gentlemen friends there, bow, but do not stop to speak.
+They may join you for once round the room, then allow them to leave you.
+Your escort will feel justly offended if you allow any other gentlemen
+to engross your attention entirely when he has invited you to the
+entertainment.
+
+CONCERTS--Here, as at the opera, you may wear a bonnet or not, as you
+will. Go early to the hall, unless you have secured a seat, and then, be
+in time for the first song. If you are unavoidably late, enter quietly,
+and take a seat near the door. It is very rude to push forward to the
+front of the hall, and either crowd those upon the benches, or force
+some gentleman to offer you his place. If the hall is so crowded that
+even the back seats are full, and a gentleman offers you his place, you
+should thank him before accepting it.
+
+Again, I repeat, do not converse, or disturb those around you by
+exclamations or gesticulations.
+
+LECTURES--Two ladies may attend a lecture, unaccompanied by a gentleman,
+without attracting attention.
+
+The dress, bonnet, and cloak, worn in the street, should be worn in a
+lecture-room, as these are, by no means, occasions for full dress.
+
+If you return at an early hour from any place of amusement, invite your
+escort into the house upon your arrival there, and lay aside your bonnet
+and shawl. If you keep them on, he will conclude that you expect him to
+shorten his visit. If it is late when you reach home, he will probably
+decline your invitation to enter. If, however, he accepts it, do not lay
+aside your shawl, and he will soon leave you.
+
+If he asks permission to call in the morning, you must, unless prevented
+by an imperative engagement, remain at home to see him.
+
+Upon your way home from the theatre, concert, or opera, speak warmly of
+the pleasure of the evening, and, at parting, thank him for that
+pleasure. Show by your manner that you have heartily enjoyed the
+entertainment you owe to his civility. If you are weary, do not allow
+him to see it. If disappointed, conceal that also. You will be able to
+find _some_ good points in the performance; speak of these and ignore
+the bad ones.
+
+If at the theatre, opera, or in a concert-room, you see an
+acquaintance, you are not expected to recognize her, unless near enough
+to speak. A lady must not bow to any one, even her own sister, across a
+theatre or concert-room.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI.
+
+ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
+
+
+In the present age, when education is within the reach of all, both rich
+and poor, every lady will endeavor to become, not only well educated,
+but accomplished. It is not, as some will assert, a waste of time or
+money. Not only the fingers, voice, and figure are improved, but the
+heart and intellect will become refined, and the happiness greatly
+increased.
+
+Take the young lady after a solid basis has been laid in her mind of the
+more important branches of education, and rear upon that basis the
+structure of lighter education--the accomplishments. To cultivate these,
+disregarding the more solid information, is to build your castle without
+any foundation, and make it, not only absurd, but unsteady. The pleasure
+of hearing from a lady a _cavatina_ executed in the most finished
+manner, will be entirely destroyed, if her first spoken words after the
+performance are vulgar, or her sentence ungrammatical.
+
+A lady without her piano, or her pencil, her library of French, German,
+or Italian authors, her fancy work and tasteful embroideries, is now
+rarely met with, and it is right that such arts should be universal. No
+woman is fitted for society until she dances well; for home, unless she
+is perfect mistress of needlework; for her own enjoyment, unless she has
+at least one accomplishment to occupy thoughts and fingers in her hours
+of leisure.
+
+First upon the list of accomplishments, comes the art of conversing
+well. It is always ready. Circumstances in society will constantly throw
+you into positions where you can use no other accomplishment. You will
+not have a musical instrument within reach, singing would be out of
+place, your fancy work at home, on many occasions, and then you can
+exert your most fascinating as well as useful accomplishment, the art of
+conversing well.
+
+Little culture, unfortunately, is bestowed upon this accomplishment,
+which, beyond all others, promotes the happiness of home, enlivens
+society, and improves the minds of both speaker and listener. How many
+excellent women are deficient in the power of expressing themselves
+well, or, indeed, of expressing themselves at all! How many minds "cream
+and mantle" from the want of energy to pour themselves out in words! On
+the other hand, how some, equally well-intentioned, drown the very
+senses in their torrent of remarks, which dashes, like a water-fall,
+into a sombre pool of _ennui_ below!
+
+One lady will enter society, well-dressed, well-looking, polite; she
+does not intend to chill it by her presence; yet her absence is found a
+relief. She takes her place as if she considered it sufficient to dress
+and look well. She brings no stock to the community of ideas. Her eyes
+return no response to the discourse which is going on. When you have
+once glanced at her, she becomes a mere expletive in the company.
+
+Another one will be found a talker. She is like a canary bird; when
+others begin to speak, she hurries in her remarks, in an accompaniment.
+Her voice must be uppermost; conversation becomes a contest who can
+speak the most rapidly. The timid and modest retire from the
+encounter--she has the field to herself. She goes on, without mercy; the
+voice of a syren would fatigue, if heard continually. Others revolt at
+the injustice of the monopoly, and the words fall on ears that would be
+deaf if they could.
+
+These are extreme cases; there are many other minor errors. The higher
+qualities of conversation must undoubtedly be based upon the higher
+qualities of the mind; then it is, indeed, a privilege to commune with
+others.
+
+To acquire the power of thus imparting the highest pleasure by
+conversational powers, attention must be paid to literature. I am
+supposing the solid foundation of a good education already laid, but by
+literature, I do not mean only that class of it which is taught at
+school.
+
+Reading, at the present day, is too much confined to light literature. I
+would not speak against this. The modern novels, and the poets of all
+ages, are good reading, but let them be taken in moderation, and varied
+by something more solid. Let them be the dessert to the more substantial
+_dinner_ of history, travels, and works of a like nature.
+
+Independent of the strength and polish given to the mind by a thorough
+course of reading, there is another reason why a lady should devote some
+portion of her time to it; she cannot do without it. She may, lacking
+this, pass through life respectably, even elegantly; but she cannot take
+her part in a communing with superior minds; she may enjoy, in
+wondering, the radiance of their intelligence; but the wondering must be
+composed, in part, of amazement at her own folly, in not having herself
+sought out the treasure concealed in the fathomless depths of books. She
+cannot truly enjoy society, with this art neglected. She may, for a few
+brief years, be the ornament of the drawing-room; but it must be, like
+many other ornaments there, in still life; she can never be the
+companion of the intellectual; and the time is gone by, when women, with
+all their energies excited, will be contented to be the mere plaything
+of brother, husband, or father.
+
+Still it is not to the erudite, nor to the imaginative only, that it is
+given to please in conversation.
+
+The art of imparting our ideas easily and elegantly to others, may be
+improved by ourselves, if there are opportunities of mingling in good
+society, with little study. The mind must first be cultivated; but it
+should not abash those who are conscious of moderate talents, or
+imperfect cultivation, from taking a due part in conversation, on
+account of their inferiority. It is a very different thing to shine and
+to please; to shine in society is more frequently attempted than
+compassed: to please is in the power of all. The effort to shine, when
+fruitless, brings a certain disgrace, and engenders mortification; all
+good people are inclined to take the will for the deed, when they see a
+desire to please. A gentle, deferential, kind manner, will disarm even
+the most discerning from criticising too severely the deficiencies of
+the inexperienced; confidence, disrespect of others, volubility,
+eagerness to dispute, must irritate the self-love of others, and produce
+an averseness to acknowledge talent or information, where they may even
+happen to exist.
+
+It is wiser and safer for a young lady, in general, to observe the good,
+old-fashioned rule of being addressed first; but then she must receive
+the address readily, meeting it half way, repaying it by enlarging a
+little upon the topic thus selected, and not sinking into a dull
+silence, the moment after a reply is given. Some young ladies start, as
+if thunderstruck, when spoken to, and stare as if the person who pays
+them that attention, had no right to awaken them from their reverie.
+Others look affronted, possibly from shyness, and begin a derogatory
+attack upon the beauty of their dress by twitching the front breadth--or
+move from side to side, in evident distress and consternation. Time
+remedies these defects; but there is one less curable and less
+endurable--that of pertness and flippancy--the loud remarks and
+exclamations--the look of self-sufficiency and confidence. But these
+offensive manifestations spring from some previous and deep-seated
+defects of character, and are only to be repelled by what, I fear, they
+will frequently encounter--the mortification of inspiring disgust.
+
+Neither is the lengthy, prosy, didactic reply, consistent with the
+submission and simplicity of youth; egotism, and egotism once removed,
+that is, the bringing into the topic one's own family and relations, are
+also antidotes to the true spirit of conversation. In general, it is
+wiser, more in good taste, safer, more becoming, certainly more in
+accordance with good breeding, to avoid talking of persons. There are
+many snares in such topics; not merely the danger of calumniating, but
+that of engendering a slippery conscience in matters of fact. A young
+girl, shy and inexpert, states a circumstance; she feels her deficiency
+as a narrator, for the power of telling a story, is a power to be
+acquired only by practice. She is sometimes tempted to heighten a little
+the incidents, in order to get on a little better, and to make more
+impression. She must of course defend her positions, and then she perils
+the sanctity of truth. Besides, few things narrow the intellect more
+than dwelling on the peculiarities, natural or incidental, of that small
+coterie of persons who constitute our world.
+
+It is, in general, a wise rule, and one which will tend much to insure
+your comfort through life, to avoid disclosures to others of family
+affairs. I do not mean to recommend reserve, or art; to friends and
+relations, too great frankness can hardly be practised; but, with
+acquaintance, the less our own circumstances are discussed, the happier,
+and the more dignified will our commerce with them continue. On the same
+principle, let the concerns of others be touched upon with delicacy, or,
+if possible, passed over in silence; more especially those details which
+relate to strictly personal or family affairs. Public deeds are, of
+course, public property. But personal affairs are private; and there is
+a want of true good breeding, a want of consideration and deference, in
+speaking freely of them, even if your friend is unconscious of the
+liberty taken.
+
+It seems paradoxical to observe that the art of listening well forms a
+part of the duty of conversation. To give up the whole of your attention
+to the person who addresses himself to you, is sometimes a heavy tax,
+but it is one which we must pay for the privileges of social life, and
+an early practice will render it an almost involuntary act of good
+breeding; whilst consideration for others will give this little
+sacrifice a merit and a charm.
+
+To listen well is to make an unconscious advance in the power of
+conversing. In listening we perceive in what the interest, in what the
+failure of others consists; we become, too, aware of our own
+deficiencies, without having them taught through the medium of
+humiliation. We find ourselves often more ignorant than we could have
+supposed possible. We learn, by a very moderate attention to the sort of
+topics which please, to form a style of our own. The "art of
+conversation" is an unpleasant phrase. The power of conversing well is
+least agreeable when it assumes the character of an _art_.
+
+In listening, a well-bred lady will gently sympathize with the speaker;
+or, if needs must be, differ, as gently. Much character is shown in the
+act of listening. Some people appear to be in a violent hurry whilst
+another speaks; they hasten on the person who addresses them, as one
+would urge on a horse--with incessant "Yes, yes, very good--indeed--
+proceed!" Others sit, on the full stare, eyes fixed as those of an owl,
+upon the speaker. Others will receive every observation with a little
+hysterical giggle.
+
+But all these vices of manner may be avoided by a gentle attention and
+a certain calm dignity of manner, based upon a reflective, cultivated
+mind.
+
+Observation, reading, and study, will form the groundwork for good
+powers of conversation, and the more you read, study, and see, the more
+varied and interesting will be your topics.
+
+A young lady should consider music as one branch of her education,
+inferior, in importance, to most of those studies which are pointed out
+to her, but attainable in a sufficient degree by the aid of time,
+perseverance, and a moderate degree of instruction. Begun early, and
+pursued steadily, there is ample leisure in youth for the attainment of
+a science, which confers more cheerfulness, and brings more pleasure
+than can readily be conceived.
+
+A young lady should be able to play with taste, correctness, and
+readiness, upon the general principle that a well educated woman should
+do all things well. This, I should suppose, is in the power of most
+persons; and it may be attained without loss of health, of time, or any
+sacrifice of an important nature. She should consider it as an
+advantage, a power to be employed for the gratification of others, and
+to be indulged with moderation and good sense for her own resource, as a
+change of occupation.
+
+Consider in this light, music is what Providence intended it to be--a
+social blessing. The whole creation is replete with music,--a benignant
+Power has made the language of the feathered tribe harmony; let us not
+suppose that He condemns his other creatures to silence in the song.
+
+Music has an influence peculiar to itself. It can allay the irritation
+of the mind; it cements families, and makes a home, which might
+sometimes be monotonous, a scene of pleasant excitement. Pursued as a
+recreation, it is gentle, rational, lady-like. Followed as a sole
+object, it loses its charm, because we perceive it is then over-rated.
+The young lady who comes modestly forward, when called upon as a
+performer, would cease to please, were she, for an instant, to assume
+the air and confidence of a professional musician. There is a certain
+style and manner--confined now to second-rate performers, for the
+highest and most esteemed dispense with it--there is an effort and a
+dash, which disgust in the lady who has bad taste enough to assume them.
+
+And, whilst I am on this topic, let me remark that there is a great deal
+in the _choice_ of music, in the selection of its character, its
+suitability to your feelings, style, and taste, and this especially with
+respect to vocal music.
+
+There is no doubt that a good Italian style is the best for instruction,
+and that it produces the most careful and accomplished singers. Suppose
+a case. Your parents, most fair reader, have paid a high price to some
+excellent professor, to instruct you--and, with a fair ear, and a
+sufficient voice, you have been taught some of those elaborate songs
+which are most popular at the opera. A party is assembled--music is one
+of the diversions. Forth you step, and, with a just apprehension of the
+difficulties of your task, select one of those immortal compositions
+which the most eminent have made their study; you execute it
+wonderfully, only just falling a _little_ short of all the song should
+be; only just provoking a comparison, in every mind, with a high
+standard, present in the memory of every cultivated musician near you. A
+cold approval, or a good-natured "bravo!" with, believe me, though you
+do not hear it, a thorough, and, often, expressed conviction that you
+had better have left the thing alone, follows the effort which has
+merely proclaimed the fact that, spite of time and money spent upon the
+cultivation of your voice, you are but a second-rate singer.
+
+But, choose a wiser, a less pretending, a less conspicuous path. Throw
+your knowledge into compositions of a less startling, less aspiring
+character. Try only what you can compass. Be wise enough not to proclaim
+your deficiencies, and the critics will go away disarmed, even if they
+are not charmed. But if there be _any_ voice, _any_ feeling, _any_
+science, the touching melody, made vocal by youth and taste, will obtain
+even a far higher degree of encomium than, perhaps, it actually merits.
+You will please--you will be asked to renew your efforts. People will
+not be afraid of cadenzas five minutes long, or of bravuras, every note
+of which makes one hope it may be the last.
+
+It is true that, to a person who loves music, the performance of one of
+the incomparable songs of Bellini, Rosini, Flotow, or Mozart, is an
+actual delight--but; when attempted by a young amateur, it should be,
+like many other delights, confined to the private circle, and not
+visited upon society in general.
+
+Do not suppose that I mean to recommend poor music, or feeble,
+ephemeral compositions. What is good need not, of necessity, be always
+difficult. Ballad music is rich in songs adapted for the private
+performer--and there are many, in Italian, of great beauty, which,
+though they would not be selected for a concert-room, or for brilliant
+display, are adapted for ladies.
+
+Music is the greatest, best substitute for conversation. It has many
+merits, in this light. It can never provoke angry retort; it can never
+make enemies; it can injure no one's character by slander; and in
+playing and singing one can commit no indiscretion.
+
+Music is a most excellent amusement, and, in society, an indispensable
+one. It aids conversation by occasionally interrupting it for a short
+period, to be renewed with a new impetus. It makes the most delightful
+recreation for the home circle, varying the toil and trouble of the
+father's or husband's working day, by the pleasures of the evening made
+by music's power to glide smoothly and swiftly.
+
+There are but few persons who are entirely without a love for music,
+even if they do not understand it. They will be borne along upon the
+waves of a sweet melody to high, pure thoughts, often to delicious
+memories.
+
+The piano is, at the present day, the most popular instrument in
+society. The harp has ceased to be fashionable, though it is sometimes
+heard. The latter is a most beautiful accompaniment for the voice, but
+requires a large room, as, in a small one, it will sound stringy and
+harsh.
+
+The guitar, while it makes a very pleasant accompaniment for the voice,
+has also the advantage of being easily carried from place to place.
+
+It requires as much judgment to select proper instrumental pieces for a
+parlor performance, as you would display in a choice of songs. Page
+after page of black, closely printed notes, will drive those who see
+them from the piano. They may be executed in the most finished style,
+but they are not suited to general society. In their place, for
+practice, or for a musical soiree, where every one puts forth her best
+musical powers, they are appropriate, and will give pleasure, but they
+are not suited for a mixed party. When asked to play, choose, if you
+will, a brilliant, showy piece, but let it be short. It is better still
+to make no attempt at display, but simply try to please, selecting the
+music your own judgment tells you is best suited to your audience.
+
+Avoid the loud, thumping style, and also the over-solemn style.
+
+Be sure, before you accept any invitation to play, that you know
+perfectly the piece you undertake. It is better to play the simplest
+airs in a finished, faultless manner, than to play imperfectly the most
+brilliant variations.
+
+Avoid movement at the piano. Swinging the body to and fro, moving the
+head, rolling the eyes, raising the hands too much, are all bad tricks,
+and should be carefully abstained from.
+
+With respect to drawing, modeling, or any pursuits of the same nature,
+so much depends on taste and opportunity, and they are so little the
+accomplishments of society that they require but few of those
+restrictions which music, in its use and abuse, demands. Drawing, like
+music, should be cultivated early. Its advantages are the habits of
+perseverance and occupation, which it induces; and the additional
+delight which it gives to the works, both of nature and of art. Like
+music, it gives independence--independence of society. The true lover of
+the arts has a superiority over the indifferent, and, if she be not
+better prepared for society, is much better fitted for retirement than
+those who are not so happily endowed with tastes, when in moderation, so
+innocent and beneficial.
+
+There is no accomplishment more graceful, pleasing, healthy, and
+lady-like, than that of riding well. Avoiding, at the same time,
+timidity and the "fast" style, keeping within the bounds of elegant
+propriety, gracefully yielding to the guidance of your escort, and
+keeping your seat easily, yet steadily, are all points to be acquired.
+
+To ride well is undoubtedly an admirable qualification for a lady, as
+she may be as feminine in the saddle as in the ball room or home circle.
+It is a mistaken idea to suppose that to become an accomplished
+horse-woman a lady must unsex herself. But she must have a reserve in
+her manner, that will prevent contamination from the intercourse which
+too much riding may lead to. To hunt, or follow the field sports, in a
+pursuit which is the track of blood, disgusts the true admirer of gentle
+breeding. And such diversions will certainly result in a coarseness of
+manner and expression, growing upon the fair equestrian slowly but
+surely. A harsh voice, loud tone, expressions suited only to manly lips,
+but unconsciously copied, will follow her devotion to the unfeminine
+pursuit.
+
+Nothing is more revolting than a woman who catches the tone and
+expressions of men. To hear the slang of jockeyism from female lips, is
+very offensive, yet ladies who mix in field sports are liable, nay,
+almost certain, to fall into a style of conversation which is ten times
+worse than the coarsest terms from the lips of a man. Instances there
+are, of the fairest of our sex, from a fondness for such diversions, and
+a habitual participation in such society, becoming hard, bold, and
+disgusting, even whilst retaining all their female loveliness of person.
+
+A lady, unless she lives in the most retired parts of the country,
+should never ride alone, and even then she will be awkwardly placed, in
+case of accident, without an escort. In the cities, not only is it
+unfeminine, but positively dangerous, for a lady to ride unaccompanied
+by a gentleman, or a man servant.
+
+Although it is impossible, within the limits of this little volume, to
+give many hints upon riding, a few may not be amiss. Like many other
+accomplishments, a teacher is necessary, if you wish to attain
+perfection, and no written directions can make you a finished
+horse-woman, unless you have had tuition and practice.
+
+1. In mounting you are desired, gentle Amazon, to spring gracefully into
+your saddle, with the slight assistance of a hand placed beneath the
+sole of the shoe, instead of scrambling uncouthly to your "wandering
+throne," as Miss Fanshawe wittily calls it, from a high chair, as is
+frequently done by those who have not been properly instructed. To mount
+in the orthodox manner, you should stand nearly close to the horse,
+level with the front of the saddle, and taking the reins slackly in your
+right hand, you should place that hand on the nearest pommel, to secure
+your balance in rising, and with your left hand gather up the front of
+the habit, so as to leave the feet clear. The gentleman should place
+himself firmly, near, but not so near to you as to impede your rising,
+and with the same view must hold his head well back, as should he lose
+his hat from a whisk of your habit the effect produced is not good. You
+should then present your left foot, and the gentleman placing one hand
+beneath its sole, and the other above, so as to possess a safe hold,
+should, with nice judgment, give just such assistance as will enable you
+easily, with a spring, to vault gracefully into the saddle. You will
+then arrange your right leg comfortably over the pommel, your cavalier
+will then place your left foot in the stirrup and arrange the flow of
+the habit-skirt, and all is complete. All this, though so seemingly
+simple and easy, requires some little practice to effect neatly and
+gracefully.
+
+2. Secondly, when riding with a gentleman, remember that you are best
+placed on the _left_ side; because in that position the graceful flow of
+your habit is seen to the greatest advantage, while it does not
+inconvenience the gentleman by getting entangled with his stirrup, nor
+does it receive the splashes of his horse.
+
+3. But when you have a double attendance of cavaliers, if you be at all
+a timid rider, it may become discreet to "_pack_" you (forgive the
+homely phrase) between the two, since, in this position, you are the
+most thoroughly protected from your own horse's shying, or from other
+horses or vehicles approaching you too closely, being thus forced to
+take that part of the road to which the better judgment of your
+companions inevitably guides you. If you be an accomplished equestrian,
+you will prefer being outside, and (as has been said) to the left.
+
+Sit erect in the middle of your saddle, turning your face full towards
+the head of your horse. Cling as closely as possible to the saddle, but
+avoid stooping forward, or using your hands to keep you in your seat.
+Nervous motions on horseback are not only ungraceful, but dangerous, as
+your horse will not make any allowance for the delicacy of your nerves,
+and may prove his objections to a jerking hand, or a twitching rein, in
+a most decided and disagreeable manner.
+
+The riding-dress, or habit, is best made to fit the figure tightly, with
+tight sleeves. It may be open in the front, over a neatly fitting
+chemisette, or buttoned close to the throat, with a neat linen collar
+and cuffs. The loose sacque is ungraceful, but a basque is most becoming
+on horseback. Gauntlet gloves, of leather, are the most suitable, and
+must be loose enough to give your hand perfect freedom, yet not so loose
+as to interfere with its motions. Do not wear the skirt too long; it
+will be dangerous in case of accident, and it may prove annoying to your
+horse. Your habit must be made of a material sufficiently heavy to hang
+gracefully, and not move too much with the wind. For a winter habit, a
+warmly-lined basque, trimmed at the throat and hands with fur, is an
+elegant and appropriate dress, and a round cap of the same cloth as the
+habit, with a band, and pieces to cover the ears, of fur to match the
+dress trimmings, makes a handsome and appropriate dress.
+
+In summer, your hat should be of fine straw, and slouched to shade the
+face; in winter, of felt, or, if you prefer, a close cap of cloth. The
+hat may be trimmed with feathers or knots of ribbon, and the shape
+should be one to protect the complexion, at the same time graceful and
+becoming.
+
+Avoid any display in a riding dress. Choose a material of some dark or
+neutral tint, and never use showy trimmings.
+
+Curls, or any flowing loose style of wearing the hair, will be found
+exceedingly troublesome on horseback. Arrange it neatly and compactly
+under your hat, for if a stray curl or lock annoys you, or is blown
+across your eyes by the wind, your hands will be too fully occupied to
+remedy the difficulty.
+
+Your whip should be light and small, tasteful if you will, but not
+showy.
+
+At the period for which these hints are intended, the Modern Languages
+should form a portion of acquirement. As in music, an intelligent and
+assiduous girl may, I believe, acquire an adequate degree of proficiency
+in French, German, and Italian, without having been abroad, though a
+foreign tour will be of the greatest use in the acquisition of the
+accent and niceties of each tongue. With respect to French, it is no
+doubt essential to comfort to understand it; it is one of the attributes
+of a lady to speak it well; still, it is not indispensable to speak it
+so well that the American lady is mistaken for a Parisian. This, which
+but seldom happens, can only be acquired, in most cases, by a residence
+abroad. But French is thoroughly and grammatically taught in America. It
+is only the habit of speaking, the idioms and niceties, which cannot be
+acquired except by converse with a native.
+
+There are hundreds of competent instructors in this country, French
+ladies and gentlemen amongst the number, who form classes for
+conversation and familiarizing their pupils with these very idioms.
+After availing herself of such advantages, a young lady will find that a
+very short residence abroad will improve and facilitate her French
+conversation.
+
+Much, however, will depend upon how you use the opportunities within
+your reach. There are many opportunities of practice in large towns; and
+foreigners give all facilities, by their readiness to converse, their
+good-nature in listening, and in helping the beginner by kind hints. If
+a young lady, with simplicity, good breeding, and good taste, endeavors
+to speak whenever she has an opportunity, words will come as if by
+intuition. Do not think of by-standers and lookers-on; think only of the
+individual to whom you are addressing yourself. If possible, be not
+abashed by one or two errors at the first plunge--swim on till you have
+confidence. The effort, I grant, is great, and it may be obviated by a
+foreign education; but where this is impossible, the freedom acquired
+will more than repay the exertion.
+
+In foreign literature, walk carefully, and if you have an older, wiser
+head than your own to point out the best paths, improve the advantage.
+
+One cannot help deeming it a great era in education that German is
+cultivated as well as Italian and French, and that stores of literature
+are opened, to vary the delights of intellect, and to give freshness and
+interest to the studies of youth.
+
+The rapture with which the works of Schiller are perused in the
+original, seems to repay the hours devoted to German; and I am sure the
+perusal of Tasso, or of the Aristodemo of Monti, would reward the study
+of Italian, were not the acquisition of that exquisite language of
+itself a source of poetic pleasure.
+
+The modern French writers have increased an everlasting responsibility
+in corrupting the sources of amusement, open to the young readers, and
+it is remarkable that most of the distinguished French authors seem to
+have felt that they had erred, and to have retrieved in some of their
+works the tendencies of their other productions. Take for instance,
+Madame de Stael; her books cannot be judged altogether; the effect of
+some of her eloquent and almost incomparable writings varies in an
+extraordinary degree. Whilst "Delphine" is unfit for the perusal of a
+modest woman, her "L'Allemagne" is finely written throughout, and her
+criticisms and analyses of German writers are full of instruction as
+well as interest.
+
+Still the works open to readers of French are numerous. The tragedies of
+Corneille and Racine are forcible and finished, and should be read
+because classical. The "Alzire" of Voltaire and his "Zaire" with the
+dramas of Casimir de la Vigne are also worthy of perusal. It is not an
+inspiriting kind of reading, but it is rich in sentiment, and perfectly
+unexceptionable in moral tone.
+
+Although the scepticism of most German writers renders this literature
+dangerous to a young mind, there are fields of pure, noble writing open
+in that language. The works of Schiller, for example. His mind was
+originally noble, his heart good, his love to mankind, and his enquiry
+after truth were sincere. In early life, he wavered; and the besetting
+scepticism of the Germans dimmed, for a time, his perceptions of all
+that is most sublime, as well as true, in our finite knowledge. He was
+chastened--he suffered--he believed. He died an early but a bright
+instance that great genius may exist with true and humble piety, and
+that the mind is never so powerful as when illumined by divine light.
+His works are a magnificent library in themselves--and I could almost
+say, be contented to learn German and to read Schiller. Some of his
+works are open to objection, his "Bride of Messina," portions of "The
+Robbers," are better omitted from your collection, but "Wallenstein" and
+"Maria Stuart" are noble and admirable productions. On this subject,
+and, indeed, on the whole of German literature, Madame de Stael is an
+excellent guide in her "L'Allemagne," to which I refer the young German
+student, who is sincerely desirous of gleaning the good, and avoiding
+the evil in German compositions.
+
+Italian literature furnishes a delightful theme for comment. It is
+singular that an enslaved, and, during many ages, a depraved and
+degraded people, should have possessed the purest poetry, the least
+exceptionable drama, in Europe. There is little to exclude, and much to
+recommend, in this beautiful language. The works of Tasso abound with
+high sentiment; the "Inferno" of Dante is a sublime picture of eternal
+retribution, softened with most touching pictures of human woe. Happy
+are those who have leisure to pursue extensively the acquisition of
+Italian literature, they may read and commit to memory without fear of
+an insidious meaning beneath the polished verse, or the prose which has
+all the charm of poetry.
+
+Spanish literature will require the same judicious pruning which is
+necessary in French and German, but of all languages, it is the most
+musical for speech, and singing.
+
+A lady in society must, if she would not grow utterly weary in company,
+know how to dance. It has been the practice among many excellent people
+to represent the ball room as a "pitfall covered with flowers;" a sheet
+of breaking ice; above, all gayety and motion; below, all darkness and
+danger. It may be that to some minds the ball room may be replete with
+temptations; but there are minds which find temptations everywhere. The
+innocent may be innocent, nay, the pious may feel devout, even in a ball
+room. There is nothing immoral or wrong in dancing; it is the tendency
+of youth to dance--it is the first effort of a child--the first natural
+recreation. It seems so natural that I confess I am always doubtful of
+the sincerity of those young ladies who profess to dislike the ball
+room.
+
+In the present day, you must understand how to move gracefully through
+quadrilles, to dance polka, Schottische, Varsovienne, and waltz. To
+these you may add great variety of dances, each season, probably,
+bringing a new one.
+
+"Dancing," says Mr. Sheldrake, "is one of the most healthy, as well as
+one of the most pleasing amusements that can be practised by the young.
+If it is learned from those who are well qualified to teach it, and
+practised, as it ought to be, consistently with the instructions given,
+it will contribute more to improve the health, as well as the form of
+the human frame, than any other exercise. For the discovery and
+promulgation of the true and correct principles according to which
+dancing should be taught, the world is indebted to France, a country
+which has long taken the lead in the elegant arts. In France, dancing
+was first raised to the dignity of a science, a royal academy being
+founded for the purpose of teaching and perfecting it, in the reign of
+Louis Quatorze. In this academy were trained many of the most
+distinguished dancers of both sexes." One of the most celebrated, Madame
+Simonet, gave the following account to Mr. Sheldrake of the mode of
+instruction pursued in the academy:--"All the pupils, before they were
+permitted to attempt to dance, were completely instructed in what were
+called the _preparatory exercises_; that is, a system of exercises,
+which endued all their limbs with strength, firmness, elasticity, and
+activity; when they had acquired these properties, they began to dance.
+
+"In these preparatory exercises, the motions were of the most simple
+kind, the object being to teach the pupil, gradually and separately, all
+those movements which, when combined, and rapidly executed, constitute
+dancing." Madame Simonet thus described those elementary instructions,
+as gone through by herself:--"She successively learned to stand flat
+and firm upon both her feet, with her limbs quite straight, and the
+whole person perfectly upright, but not stiff; then to lift one foot
+from the ground, and to keep it so for some time without moving any part
+of her body; she then replaced that foot on the ground, and raised the
+other in the same manner. These simple actions were repeated till the
+pupils were quite familiar with them; they were then directed to keep
+the body quite erect, but not stiff, and bearing firmly upon one leg, to
+raise the other from the ground, gradually and slowly, by bending the
+upper joint of the limb, at the same time making the knee straight, and
+putting the toe to its proper extent, but _no more_. The foot, after it
+had been kept in this state for some time, was returned to the ground
+from whence it was taken, and the other foot treated in the same manner;
+when quite familiarized to these actions, they were directed to walk
+(march, as some people will call it) slowly, performing the same motions
+with the feet alternately." The exercises which followed these, were
+upon the turning out of the feet, the balancing of the body, and other
+attitudes, which need not be particularized.
+
+Mr. Sheldrake gives several examples of persons trained upon these
+initiatory principles to the profession of dancing, who have lived in
+health to a great age. "This," says he, "is not the chance lot of a few;
+for I have, through life, been accustomed to see many persons of the
+same profession; I have communicated my own observations to many others,
+and all have agreed in remarking, that those who follow this profession
+have, very generally, excellent health, which very many of them carry
+into extreme old age. This indisputable fact can only be accounted for
+by supposing that the preparatory exercises which these persons go
+through, are a modification of what I have called regulated muscular
+tension, or action, and the early and constant practice of which lays a
+firm foundation for that high health which accompanies them through
+life. It is upon the same principle that a soldier is never seen with
+spinal curvature, or other personal deformity, or a stage dancer of
+either sex with a deformed person; it is, perhaps, impossible that such
+things should exist, for the plain reason, that the exercises which they
+begin to practice early in life, and continue regularly through its
+whole course, render it impossible for them to become so.
+
+"The inference to be drawn from these incontrovertible facts is, that if
+we, in very early life, teach young children to practice similar
+exercises, and follow them steadily afterwards, we shall confirm them in
+excellent health, and prevent the accession of those evils which so
+often cause deformity to the figure, and destruction to the
+constitution, at later periods of life. I do not propose to make every
+boy a soldier, or every girl a dancer upon the stage, but to adopt the
+principles, by the application of which those persons are trained to the
+successful practices of their several occupations, and so to modify
+them, that they may qualify other classes of society to follow _their_
+different pursuits with equal success; and I am not without hopes that
+this undertaking will contribute something towards producing this
+desirable effect."
+
+Dancing is an exercise which has been practiced by mankind from the
+most remote ages. With the Egyptians, Assyrians, and Persians, the
+founders of the three great empires of the ancient world, dancing was
+the favorite exercise or accomplishment, and the practice was not less
+prevalent among their successors in power and importance, the Greeks and
+Romans. The Jews, also, we learn from Scripture, were strongly attached
+to the exercise at all periods of their history.
+
+At the present day, almost every people that exist, whether barbarous or
+civilized, has its own form of dancing. It is this universality of the
+exercise that makes dancing a subject of importance. Being so
+extensively practiced, it must be the instrument either of good or evil
+to the human race.
+
+It is one of the most healthful and elegant amusements, and cannot be
+too highly recommended. Among a rude and dissolute people it may
+degenerate into something worthy of condemnation; but all the blessings
+we have are similarly liable to abuse, and it would be most unjust to
+condemn a cheerful domestic amusement, merely because it has, at times,
+been degraded by people of low, vulgar, immoral tastes. By all
+physicians, dancing, when pursued in moderation, is recommended as
+highly conducive to bodily health; and it may be truly said, that,
+allied with music, nothing is more conducive to _mental_ health, more
+calculated to drive away melancholy, and put the whole temper into good
+humor.
+
+Dancing is the poetry of motion. It must be performed with ease and
+grace, and always with a perfect regard for propriety of movement.
+
+As an art it is taught by professed masters; and one of the leading
+rules given to the learner is to raise and lower herself gracefully on
+the elastic part of her feet, and to keep perfect time to the music.
+Dancing is really a simple and elegant gliding on the toes, which bend
+more or less to accommodate the steps, and prevent harsh, ungraceful
+motion.
+
+The most popular dances of the present day, are, first, the quadrille.
+
+These are of French origin, comparatively tranquil in their character,
+and generally danced once or more in every party. They are danced by
+four couples, one standing on each side of a square. There are many sets
+of quadrilles, the figures in each varying from the others. But there
+are five figures in each set. The plain, fancy, Lancers, Polka,
+Mazourka, and German, are among the most popular.
+
+In plain quadrilles, a lady takes no steps, merely walking gracefully
+through the figures, but her feet must keep perfect time to the music,
+and she must know the changes of position perfectly.
+
+A quadrille may be very properly described as a conversation dance, as
+there are long pauses between the figures, when the dancers must have a
+fund of small talk ready for their partners.
+
+When moving in the figures, hold out your skirt a little with the right
+hand, merely to clear the ground, and prevent the possibility of
+treading upon it.
+
+Next come the round dances, the _Valse_, Polka, Schottische,
+Varsovienne, and Redowa.
+
+The Waltz is danced both _a troistemps_ and _deuxtemps_. In the waltz,
+the position is a most important point. You may so lean upon your
+partner's arm, and so carry your figure, that the prudish can find but
+little fault, but you can also make the dance a most immodest one. I
+cannot, within the limits of my book, go into a long argument as to the
+propriety of these round dances. Opinions differ, and I am not writing a
+sermon, but giving, as far as is in my power, hints to ladies in
+society. It is, therefore, enough for me to know that these dances are
+tolerated, and that, even were I so inclined, _I_ could not exclude
+them.
+
+To return to the position. Stand a little to the right of your partner,
+that, in clasping your waist, he may draw you upon his arm to his
+shoulder, not his breast; the last position is awkward. By observing the
+first, you have your head free; turn it a little towards the left
+shoulder; need I say, never lay it upon your partner's shoulder? Throw
+the head and shoulders a little back, not too much to be consistent with
+easy grace, place one hand upon your partner's shoulder, and the other
+in his disengaged hand. So, you are ready to start.
+
+The waltz may be danced to very fast time, or to slow music. The last is
+the most graceful, and there is not so much danger of giddiness. Grace
+can only be gained by a perfect timing of the steps to the music, and
+also evenness of step. It is, when properly timed with perfect step, and
+easy, gliding motion, the most graceful of dances. The Germans, who
+dance for the sake of _dancing_, will only allow a certain number of
+waltzers on the floor at one time, and these waltz in streams, all going
+down one side of the room and up the other, thus rendering collisions
+impossible.
+
+An English writer, in a recent work published on etiquette, speaks of
+waltzing thus:--
+
+"It is perhaps useless to recommend flat-foot waltzing in this country,
+where ladies allow themselves to be almost hugged by their partners, and
+where men think it necessary to lift a lady almost off the ground, but I
+am persuaded that if it were introduced, the outcry against the
+impropriety of waltzing would soon cease. Nothing can be more delicate
+than the way in which a German holds his partner. It is impossible to
+dance on the flat foot unless the lady and gentleman are quite free of
+one another. His hand, therefore, goes no further round her waist than
+to the hooks and eyes of her dress, hers, no higher than to his elbow.
+Thus danced, the waltz is smooth, graceful, and delicate, and we could
+never in Germany complain of our daughter's languishing on a young man's
+shoulder. On the other hand, nothing is more graceless and absurd, than
+to see a man waltzing on the tips of his toes, lifting his partner off
+the ground, or twirling round and round with her like the figures on a
+street organ. The test of waltzing in time, is to be able to stamp the
+time with the left foot. The waltz is of German origin, but where it is
+still danced in Germany in the original manner, (as, for instance, among
+the peasants of the Tyrol,) it is a very different dance. It is there
+very slow and graceful; the feet are thrown out in a single long step,
+which Turveydrop, I presume, would call a _jete_. After a few turns, the
+partners waltz alone in the same step, the man keeping the time by
+striking together his iron-shod heels, until with a shout and clapping
+of hands he again clasps his partner and continues in the same slow
+measure with her."
+
+The position for the polka, redowa, and other round dances, should be
+the same as that for the waltz, and for the steps, they can only be
+acquired from a dancing teacher, and are impossible to describe
+properly.
+
+One of the most delightful accomplishments which a lady can possess, and
+one which is unfortunately but little cultivated, is the art of reading
+aloud well; reading with expression, taste, animation, and correctness;
+and this art once acquired, let her also be able to recite well.
+
+Long lectures may be given upon elocution, but the advice can be
+condensed into two directions. First, be sure you pronounce, accent, and
+enunciate every word correctly; then, throw your whole soul into the
+words. Study your author carefully, that you may know precisely what he
+means by each expression, and then try to bury your personal identity,
+to become, for the time, the character you represent.
+
+One of the most delightful ways to spend a social evening, is to devote
+it to dramatic literature. Invite only guests who read well, or who are
+really interested listeners, and select a play, or scenes from several
+plays, and cast the parts among your guests. All jealousy must be put
+aside, and to-night's Hamlet must condescend to direct Richard to
+
+ "Stand by, my lord, and let the coffin pass,"
+
+to-morrow.
+
+After a few meetings, the peculiar talent of each reader will be
+recognized, and you can select your tragedy hero, comedy hero, queen,
+chambermaid, and other members of the force, with a view to the display
+of each one's best powers. Vary the entertainment by reciting monologues
+and dialogues. A whole play will often be found tiresome; it is best to
+select several scenes, keeping up the thread of the plot, and
+introducing the best characters, and leave out what is mere interlude,
+and dispense with some of the subordinate characters.
+
+Leave one end of the room entirely vacant for the readers. You will find
+it more interesting to have the readers stand, and use some little
+motion; the words will flow more easily, the expressions come more
+forcibly if the appropriate gesture is made. Love scenes will, of
+course, require delicate handling, and embracing can be easily omitted;
+neither would I recommend the action of a dueling scene, or a murder,
+but merely to add gesture enough to give interest to both readers and
+audience.
+
+You will find some little difficulty from bashfulness, and the "don't
+like to" people at first, but soon you will discover with delight how
+many of your friends possess the talent for reading well, and never knew
+it themselves.
+
+You will do well to take a few lessons in elocution, but you need not
+fear to read if you have never made the accomplishment a study. With a
+correct knowledge of your own language, and a love for fine writing, you
+will soon read well.
+
+Give to every part you undertake, the full effect intended by the
+writer. Do not throw all your energy, your whole soul, into a leading
+part at one time, and slight a subordinate character at another. If you
+have but five words to read, read them as they would be spoken were you
+the character you represent for the time. To hear a splendidly written,
+tragic burst of passion read in a weak, whining voice, is no worse than
+to have a few simple words from a servant's lips delivered with the
+gesture and emphasis suited to a Medea or Lady Macbeth.
+
+I shall be condemned by many serious and well-judging persons, if I say
+one word in favor of private theatricals; yet, as it appears to me,
+there are in these diversions some advantages which are not to be found
+to excuse the waltz, or the polka, or the ballet, or the hunting field.
+In private theatricals there is the possibility of _some_ benefit. The
+study of the finest dramatists, especially of Shakespeare, is not likely
+to demoralize the mind, or to cool the enthusiasm for what is good. We
+can scarcely know too well those works which have tended more to form
+character than any collection of any kind whatsoever.
+
+Shakespeare, Sheridan, Bulwer,--but I cannot go through the list of fine
+dramatic writers whose works elevate the mind and taste. The plays of
+Sheridan, Knowles, and Bulwer, are, in most instances, well adapted for
+private representations--the most exquisite delineations of female
+character may be found in the dramatic library, and high, pure, manly
+thoughts, may be traced, line after line, to the same source.
+
+Private theatricals should, however, be regulated with much judgment. I
+see no reason to restrict too severely talent of this kind where it
+exists, any more than to crush a dawning taste for the other fine arts.
+What we have to do is to raise and direct it; never to let it occupy too
+much time, nor to become the business of life; never to let it infringe
+upon duties; never to allow it to lead us into an unreasonable, and,
+therefore, criminal expense. Our ancestors were content to strew their
+stage at the end of their halls with rushes, and to hang up the name of
+the scene, instead of a scene, before each act. The best preparations,
+which generally render private theatricals both laborious and expensive,
+add but little to the pleasure of the beholders, whose attention is
+fixed upon the actors, and who can always see far finer scenes at a
+minor theatre than at any private theatricals. Were we content with
+greater simplicity in our amusements, how much vain ostentation,
+heart-sickening expense, self-recrimination, and trouble, might be
+avoided!
+
+As a valid objection to private theatricals, it has been urged that they
+are apt to encourage a taste for the green-room of the public theatre in
+young men and boys; in women the risk is less, for few women are ever
+known to go on the stage except from necessity. I own this objection to
+theatricals is the greatest that can be urged. It can only be answered
+in mitigation that, where there exists a taste of the kind, it is better
+that it should be indulged at home, instead of at the theatre, with the
+modest inmates of a well-governed house, instead of with professional
+actors. Like all other amusements, the abuse is probable, but the power
+of restraint rests within ourselves.
+
+Under the same head as private theatricals may come dramatized charades
+and proverbs, so much in fashion at the present time. These last have
+some great advantages over the standard plays; they are better suited to
+a parlor; they do not provoke comparison between the young actors, and
+the favorite public idols; they require but little scenery and
+arrangement; they are short; and they do not require so many subordinate
+characters.
+
+Impromptu charades and proverbs are delightful, and are the occasion for
+much merriment; the mistakes, the absurd contrasts between character and
+costume, the scenery--a deep, hanging wood, the court of Louis Quatorze
+or the deck of a man of war, being improvised at a moment's notice, only
+add to the merry enjoyment.
+
+One rule you must observe if you join in these amusements: never to
+carry your gayety into romping. Merry and laughing you may be, yet never
+forget you are a lady. You may personate a newly-caught Irish
+chambermaid, use the broadest brogue, wear the commonest dress, throw
+yourself heartily and thoroughly into the part, losing your personal
+identity almost entirely, and yet you may retain that nameless charm,
+which will place you in the mind of each of the audience as a lady of
+refinement.
+
+You must also be perfectly good-natured and self-sacrificing; ready to
+play the smallest parts with the same interest you would throw into the
+principal ones. Try to throw out all the good points in the parts taken
+by the other members of the company. If you play an insignificant part,
+play it well, with all the grace you can, make the most of it, but do
+not try to raise it to the first place. Yield gracefully the prominent
+position to those who claim it in the plot of the play, and never try
+by conspicuous dress or by play, to go beyond the position set down for
+you.
+
+Another delightful accomplishment, and one which will aid you if you are
+studying drawing and painting, is that of arranging _tableaux vivants_.
+
+Mrs. Severn gives the following hints upon this subject:
+
+"Perhaps there is no intellectual amusement in fashionable life, the
+nature of which is so little understood, as the _tableau vivant_; it
+being generally considered as only a vehicle for display, whereas its
+real purpose is to arrange scientifically a combination of natural
+objects, so as to make a good picture according to the rules of art.
+
+"A _tableau vivant_ is literally what its name imports--a living picture
+composed of living persons; and, when skilfully arranged and seen at a
+proper distance, it produces all the effect of a real picture. It is
+said, that the first living picture was contrived by a profligate young
+German nobleman, who having, during the absence of his father, sold one
+of the celebrated pictures belonging to the old castle, which was an
+heir-loom, to conceal the deficiency, placed some of his companions
+behind the frame, so as to imitate the missing picture, and to deceive
+his father, who passed through the room without being conscious of his
+loss.
+
+"A _tableau vivant_ may be formed in two ways: it may consist of a group
+of persons, who take some well-known subject in history or fiction to
+illustrate, and who form a group to tell the story according to their
+own taste; or, it may be a copy, as exact as circumstances will permit,
+of some celebrated picture. The first plan, it may be easily imagined,
+is very rarely effective; since, as we find that even the best masters
+are often months, or even years, before they can arrange a group
+satisfactorily on canvas, it is not probable that persons who are not
+artists should succeed in making good impromptu pictures. Indeed, it has
+been observed, that artists themselves, when they have to arrange a
+_tableau vivant_, always prefer copying a picture to composing one.
+
+"Copying a real picture, by placing living persons in the positions of
+the figures indicated in the picture, appears, at first sight, an easy
+task enough; and the effect ought to be easily attained, as there can be
+no bad drawing, and no confused light and shade, to destroy the effect
+of the grouping. There are, however, many difficulties to conquer, which
+it requires some knowledge of art to be aware of. Painting being on a
+flat surface, every means are taken to give roundness and relief to the
+figures, which qualities of course are found naturally in a _tableau
+vivant_. In a picture the light is made effective by a dark shadow
+placed near it; diminished lights or demi-tints are introduced to
+prevent the principal light appearing a spot; and these are linked
+together by artful shades, which show the outline in some places, and
+hide it in others. The colors must also be carefully arranged, so as to
+blend or harmonize with each other. A want of attention to these minute
+points will be sufficient to destroy the effect of the finest picture,
+even to those who are so unacquainted with art as to be incapable of
+explaining why they are dissatisfied, except by an involuntary liking or
+disliking of what they see.
+
+"The best place for putting up a _tableau vivant_ is in a door-way,
+with an equal space on each side; or, at least, some space on both sides
+is necessary; and if there is a room or a passage between the door
+selected for the picture and the room the company is to see it from, so
+much the better, as there should be a distance of at least four yards
+between the first row of the spectators and the picture. It must be
+remembered that, while the tableau is being shown, nearly all the lights
+must be put out in the room where the company is assembled; and,
+perhaps, only one single candle, properly placed, in the intervening
+space between the company and the tableau, must be left slightly to
+illuminate the frame. In the above-mentioned door-way a frame, somewhat
+smaller than the original picture, must be suspended, three, four, or
+even five feet from the floor, as may suit the height of the door; or,
+if the door is not very high, the frame may be put one or two feet
+behind, to gain space; but care must be taken to fill up the opening
+that would, in that case, show between the door-way and the frame; also
+a piece of dark cloth ought to be put from the bottom of the frame to
+the ground, to give the appearance of the picture hanging on the wall.
+The most important thing is, that the chairs or tables ought to be
+placed behind the frame, so that the persons who are to represent the
+tableau may sit or stand as nearly in the position, with regard to the
+frame, as the figures appear to do in the real picture they are trying
+to imitate, and at about two feet from the frame, so that the light
+which is attached to the back of the frame may fall properly on the
+figures. In order to accomplish this, great study and contrivance are
+required, so that the shades may fall in precisely the same places as in
+the original picture; and sometimes the light is put on one side,
+sometimes on the other, and often on the top; and sometimes shades of
+tin or paper are put between the lights and the tableaux, to assist in
+throwing a shadow over any particular part. The background is one of the
+most important parts, and should be made to resemble that of the picture
+as nearly as possible; if it is dark, coarse cloth absorbs the light
+best; but whether it is to be black, blue, or brown, must depend on the
+tint of the picture; should the background be a light one, colored
+calico, turned on the wrong side, is generally used. If trees or flowers
+form the background, of course real branches or plants must be
+introduced to imitate those in the picture. Even rocks have been
+imitated; and spun glass has often successfully represented water. A
+thin, black gauze, black muslin, or tarlatan veil, should be fastened to
+the top of the frame, on the _outside_ of it, through which the tableau
+is to be seen.
+
+"Care ought to be taken to conceal the peculiarities of the different
+materials used in the draperies, and it is even sometimes necessary to
+cover the stuffs used for the purpose with a gauze of a different color,
+so as to imitate the broken and transparent colors found in most good
+pictures. This, carefully attended to, will give a quietness and
+simplicity to the whole, which will greatly add to the illusion."
+
+The next subject upon the list of accomplishments, should be filled by
+some words upon fancy sewing. Under this head will come--Crochet,
+Knitting, Tapestry work, Embroidery, Chenille work, Netting, Canvas
+work, Berlin wool work, Frame work, Braiding, Bead work, etc.
+
+Small social gatherings will be much more entertaining, the time will
+pass much more quickly, and the conversation flows more freely if the
+fingers are employed with some light work.
+
+Pretty presents--nay, beautiful ones--may be made in this way, when the
+fingers would otherwise be idle, and these will have an additional value
+in being the work of your own hands.
+
+From the most remote ages needlework has been, not only a source of
+pecuniary advantage for poor women, but also of pleasant pastime for the
+rich. It is one of the most elegant of the imitative art, and from time
+immemorial it has been an amusement for otherwise idle fingers, from the
+cottage to the palace.
+
+I have not space for a long disquisition upon the uses and pleasures of
+fancy work; every woman has moments when such pretty playwork will be a
+valuable recreation. The taste for fancy work increases daily, and can
+be made not only ornamental, but useful. A ladies' wardrobe consists of
+so many, and such varied objects, that the evenings of an entire winter
+may be spent in making various useful garments, which are, at the same
+time, suitable for company sewing. Opera hoods, wool shawls, sleeves,
+Sontags, and other ladies' articles, may be varied by embroidering
+smoking caps, slippers, or handkerchiefs for gentlemen.
+
+Embroidering on canvas, or tapestry work, opens a large field for taste
+and skill in execution. Beautiful articles for presents, chair covers,
+sofa cushions, slippers, may be worked in the otherwise idle moments
+spent in familiar society, and the fingers will soon acquire skill and
+astonishing rapidity.
+
+The German ladies have constantly on hand a piece of netting or other
+fancy work, which they carry from place to place, and take out when
+conversing; and so far from entirely engrossing their thoughts, they
+chat more readily and freely with their fingers thus employed.
+
+American ladies will find the custom worth imitating. Many tedious hours
+will be smoothly, pleasantly passed, with the mind free, but the fingers
+pleasantly occupied.
+
+An evening passed in sewing or knitting, with one good reader to
+entertain the industrious workers, will be found very pleasant. I have
+known a circle of young people meet every week to work in this way, the
+reader being changed twice or three times in the course of the evening,
+and these meetings have proved so pleasant, that scarcely any member
+failed to plead "prior engagement" if invited out upon the evening
+appointed to read and sew.
+
+It was formerly objected by the adversaries to mental cultivation in
+women, that the acquirement of book learning would make them neglect
+needlework; but so far from this being the case, the present, which is
+often called the age of learning, is preeminently a working age. Never
+were fingers more actively engaged than those of the rising female
+generation; braiding, embroidery, Berlin work, knitting, netting, and
+crochet, are all in full play. A long neglected work has been recently
+revived, called by the French "La Frivolite." It is very pretty evening
+work, partly because it does not impede conversation, for it may be
+carried on almost without looking at it, and partly because no other
+work shows to so much advantage the grace and delicacy of the hands. The
+most simple form of this work was anciently known under the name of
+Tatting, but that only consisted of a series of loops in a straight
+line, which were used for trimming linen articles, and which was not so
+pretty as La Frivolite, which has varieties which are a good imitation
+of point, and may be used for collars and sleeves.
+
+I give a few specimens of pretty work for evening sewing, and refer the
+reader to "The Ladies' Handbook of Embroidery," published by G. G.
+Evans, for a full, complete description of every kind of fancy work,
+with specimens, patterns, and clear, plain directions.
+
+NETTED CUFFS--These cuffs are very pretty, and easy to make. They are in
+plain netting, and will require white, and five shades of scarlet wool.
+
+Set on thirty-five stitches of the white wool. Net five rows, then take
+a mesh a very little larger, and widen by netting two stitches in every
+stitch. Then net with the smallest mesh the two lightest shades, one row
+of each, and two rows of the other three shades. Then graduate the
+shades back again to white, narrowing the first row of white with the
+larger mesh. Net ten rows with the smaller mesh, widen again, repeat the
+shades of red, narrow again, and finish with the five rows of white.
+
+
+KNITTED OPERA CAP.
+
+MATERIALS REQUIRED--Half an ounce of white and half an ounce of shaded
+Berlin wool will be sufficient.
+
+Cast on a hundred stitches with white wool, and knit and pearl
+alternately for four rows.
+
+_Shaded wool_--Knit one row plain; next row bring forward, and take two
+together to the end.
+
+_White wool_--Knit and pearl alternately four rows.
+
+_Shaded wool_--Knit plain six rows.
+
+_White wool_--Knit a row, decreasing it by taking the first two stitches
+together, and the last two. Pearl a row. Knit a row, decreasing it as
+before. Pearl a row.
+
+_Shaded wool_--Knit a row, decreasing at the beginning and end. Next
+row, bring forward and take two together to the end.
+
+_White wool_--Knit a row, decreasing at both ends. Pearl a row. Knit a
+row, decreasing as before. Pearl a row.
+
+
+FOR THE PATTERN IN THE CENTRE OF THE CAP.
+
+SHADED WOOL--_1st row_--Slip one. Knit two plain stitches (_a._) Wool
+forward. Knit one. Wool forward. Knit two together. Knit one. Knit two
+together. Repeat from (_a._)
+
+_2nd row_--Pearled.
+
+_3rd row_--Slip one. Knit two plain stitches (_b._) Wool forward. Knit
+three plain stitches. Wool forward. Slip one. Knit two together. Pass
+the slipped stitch over the knitted ones. Repeat from (_b._)
+
+_4th row_--Pearled.
+
+_5th row_--Slip one. Knit two plain stitches, (_c._) Wool forward. Knit
+two together. Knit one. Knit two together. Wool forward. Knit one.
+Repeat from (_c._)
+
+_6th row_--Pearled.
+
+_7th row_--Slip one. Knit two plain stitches (_d._) Wool forward. Slip
+one. Knit two together. Pass the slipped stitch over the knitted ones.
+Wool forward. Knit three plain stitches. Repeat from (_d._)
+
+_8th row_--Pearled. Repeat the last eight rows.
+
+_White wool_--Knit and pearl alternately for four rows; decrease at the
+beginning and ending of the two plain rows.
+
+_Shaded wool_--Knit one plain row; decrease at the beginning and ending.
+Next row; bring the wool forward, knit two together to the end of the
+row.
+
+_White wool_--Knit and pearl alternately for four rows; decrease at the
+beginning and ending of the two plain rows.
+
+Knit eighteen plain stitches, run a piece of cotton through the
+remaining sixty-two stitches. Pearl and knit alternately, decreasing at
+the beginning and ending of every plain row, until you have four
+stitches remaining; cast them off; then take up eighteen stitches on the
+opposite sides, and work a piece to correspond; leaving forty-four
+centre stitches on the cotton.
+
+Take up the centre stitches on a needle pointed at both ends, draw the
+cotton out; then pick up fourteen stitches at each end of the needle.
+
+_Shaded wool_--Knit two plain rows.
+
+_White wool_--Knit one plain row. Next row; wool forward, knit two
+together to the end of the row.
+
+_Shaded wool_--Knit two plain rows and cast off. Join the two points
+together at the back of the cap. Fold the front at the first pattern
+row, and hem it to form the scallop at the edge. Pick up eighty stitches
+at the back of the cap.
+
+
+AN ECONOMICAL POINT COLLAR.
+
+It is well known that worked muslin collars, particularly if the work is
+good, very soon wear out; as the work is too heavy for the muslin,
+which, when it has been washed two or three times, becomes full of slits
+and holes, though the work is still as good as ever. When this is the
+case, cut the muslin off the work with a pair of sharp scissors, and lay
+the work on the pattern of a collar cut in paper, so as to fill the
+whole of the pattern. The work may be taken from two or three collars;
+the arrangement of it must depend upon taste. When the cut-out work is
+properly arranged, it must be tacked or basted to the paper pattern; and
+this is best done with colored thread, that no mistake may arise when
+the basting threads are to be drawn out. Four or six threads are then
+drawn from one piece of work to another, with a needle and cotton, so as
+to attach them together, and the loose threads are then overcast like
+button-holes, so as to imitate the uniting threads of point lace. When
+well done, with a sufficient quantity of the uniting threads, to make
+the work firm, these collars are handsome, and will wash and wear well.
+
+
+KNITTED VEILS.
+
+It is now customary to knit white veils of what is called Lady Betty's
+wool, for babies to put over their faces when they are carried out in
+cold weather, instead of pocket-handkerchiefs, which were formerly used
+for the purpose, though they were very unfit for it. Knitted veils in
+black silk or worsted are also worn by grown-up persons. The veils for
+babies are very simple in their construction; they consist of oblong
+pieces of knitting of any width and depth that may be required, with
+knitted lace at the bottom and sides, and a string case at the top. The
+following pattern is the most common:
+
+Knit and pearl alternately four rows, so that there may be two of each;
+then bring forward and take two together an entire row. This pattern is
+repeated through the entire veil; and it must be observed, that as many
+stitches must be cast on as will make it of the necessary width. The
+needles should be of the smallest size, of bone. Any lace will do; but
+the following pattern, though not new, is both pretty and suitable; and
+has, besides, the important recomendation of being very easy.
+
+Cast on eleven stitches and knit a row plain, then begin the pattern.
+
+_1st row_--Knit three; bring forward and take two together; knit one,
+take two together; put the thread twice round the needle, take two
+together, and knit one.
+
+_2nd row_--Knit two, pearl one, knit one, put the thread twice round the
+needle, take two together, bring forward, and knit five.
+
+_3rd row_--Knit three, bring forward, take two together, knit one,
+bring forward, knit two, pearl one, bring forward, take two together,
+and knit two.
+
+_4th row_--Knit two, bring forward, knit five, bring forward, take two
+together, knit five.
+
+_5th_ row--Knit three, bring forward, and take two together, knit the
+rest plain.
+
+_6th row_--Cast off four, and knit the rest plain.
+
+
+HINTS TO CROCHET-WORKERS.
+
+Examine carefully the form of the needle, and _try_ the hook, to
+ascertain that it is perfectly smooth. Some are so sharp and ill-made as
+to tear the cotton. Select those which are not of uniform thickness up
+to the hook; the best are those which are thinner there than an inch
+farther up. Where the needle is not proportionally fine near the hook,
+it is almost impossible to keep the work even.
+
+Chain stitch ought to be done rather loosely, as working on it
+afterwards contracts it, and is apt to give it a puckered appearance. It
+is often advisable to use a needle one size larger for making the chain
+than for the rest of the work, especially in edgings. It will be found
+much easier to work the succeeding rows when this precaution is taken.
+Crochet needles should be kept in a housewife similar to those used for
+ordinary needles. The slightest soil or rust should be effaced with fine
+sandpaper.
+
+
+ORNAMENTAL NET FOR THE HAIR.
+
+Take two pieces of fine silk braid, scarlet or royal blue, and a No. 3
+bone crochet hook.
+
+Make a chain of eight stitches, unite the ends, and then D. C. the
+first round, putting two stitches into each loop; there will now be
+sixteen stitches and in the next round one long must be worked into
+every stitch, and two chain between each long; the round will now
+consist of forty-eight stitches, and we commence the pattern, or
+diamonds.
+
+_3rd round_--Three long, two chain, four long with two chain after each,
+and these long put into every second loop; repeat.
+
+_4th round_--Five long, two chain, five long with two chain after each,
+and these long put into every second loop with the exception of the
+fifth or last of them, which must skip two stitches instead of one;
+repeat.
+
+_5th round_--Seven long, two chain, seven long with two chain after
+each, and each of these long put into every second stitch; repeat.
+
+_6th round_--Five long, two chain, five long with two chain after each,
+and each of these long put into every other stitch, three long, two
+chain, five long again with two chain after each, and each put into
+every second stitch; repeat from beginning.
+
+_7th round_--Three long, two chain, five long with two chain after each
+and worked in every third loop, five long, two chain, five long again
+with two chain after each, and these long worked as aforesaid in every
+third loop; repeat from beginning.
+
+_8th round_--One long, two chain, five long with two chain after each
+and these long put into every third stitch, seven long, two chain, again
+five long, &c. &c.; repeat from beginning.
+
+_9th round_--Six long with two chain after each and work in every third
+stitch, (five long, twelve long with two chain after each, these long
+put in every third stitch); repeat the pattern in brackets.
+
+_10th round_--Nine long with two chain after them, these long being
+worked in every second loop, (three long, two chain, nineteen long with
+two chain after them, and the long worked in every second loop); repeat
+the pattern in brackets.
+
+_11th, 12th, and 13th rounds_--A long and two chain all round, and the
+long being worked alternately in every second and third loop; care being
+taken to bring one into the position to complete each diamond as it is
+come to.
+
+A crochet edging, begun with braid, and the last two or three rows
+worked with gold twist as nearly the size of the braid as may be, and a
+cord and tassels, finish off this elegant head-dress.
+
+The cord should be run in and out through the thirteenth round. We,
+however, prefer a single-crochet band of some fifty stitches long and
+six or eight wide, worked in the same material as the net, to a cord,
+and this band may be finished off with a piece of gold fringe instead of
+tassels at the ends, or with a scallop of edging crocheted in gold
+twist.
+
+
+DRESS GLOVE BANDS; FULL OR FRILLED SHAPE.
+
+Take three pieces of fine embroidery chenille, and a No. 3 bone crochet
+hook.
+
+Make a chain of about forty stitches, or one long enough to go round
+the wrist; Dc one row.
+
+_3rd row_--Two long, one chain and miss a stitch--repeat this all along.
+Then one row Dc.
+
+_6th row_--Long crochet worked _very_ loosely, so much so as to leave
+these stitches _at least_ half an inch high; two stitches to be put into
+every second or third loop and one in each of the others all the way
+along; fasten off.
+
+Join the chenille now on to the first row, and work a similar row or
+frill to the one just directed, so that there be one on each side.
+
+Run a narrow velvet through the holes of the third row and affix wider
+velvet ends, or chenille tassels to each extremity. Finish off with a
+button and loop, and flute the frill on each side over the finger to
+make it set.
+
+We need scarcely say that the chenille used should be selected to match
+or agree with the evening dress, and that the velvet must match the
+chenille.
+
+These bands may be made to look very handsome by working a row of Dc
+loosely and evenly along the edge of each frill with gold or silver
+twist, and running a band of gold or silver braid or trimming through
+the holes in the third row instead of velvet. Then small bullion tassels
+to match the twist will form a suitable and elegant finish.
+
+These bands may be worked round and slid over the hand like muffatees,
+or made open as we have directed and buttoned, like the glove. The
+buttons should be covered with crochet, and the loops crocheted.
+
+
+KNITTED UNDER HABIT SHIRT.
+
+Three ounces of Three thread White Fleecy Wool. Pair of No. 10 Bone
+Knitting Pins. Cast on forty-five stitches.
+
+Knit three rows.
+
+_4th row_--Knit ten; X make two and knit two together; knit one; X knit
+the last six stitches.
+
+_5th row_--Knit, dropping the second of each of the two made stitches
+all along.
+
+Knit eight rows.
+
+_14th row_--Knit ten; X make one and knit two together X repeat until
+six remain; knit three; make one; knit three.
+
+_15th row_--Knit six; X make one and knit two together X repeat until
+ten remain, which knit.
+
+Repeat these two rows three times more each, only not enlarging one (as
+in the end of row fourteen), _every_ time, but only once in four rows,
+merely knitting the six in the intervening rows.
+
+_22nd row_--Knit. Knit the next seven rows.
+
+_30th row_--Same as _14th_.
+
+_31st_ row--Same as _15th_.
+
+Keep on alternately knitting eight open, and then eight knitted rows,
+and enlarging one stitch at the end in every fourth row until there are
+a hundred and twenty-four rows.
+
+Then decrease one stitch at the beginning or front in every other row
+for thirty-two rows, still continuing the pattern as before, and still
+enlarging one stitch in every fourth row, at the end or back. This
+shapes one side of the neck.
+
+Now knit forty-eight rows without increase or decrease at either end,
+continuing the pattern or alternation of eight open and eight plain
+knitted rows. This forms the back of the neck and the bottom of the back
+of the habit-shirt.
+
+In the next thirty-two rows we diminish one in every fourth row, by
+knitting two together at the back, while at the same time in every
+fourth row, at the back, we knit two together, and make one in order to
+form a series of holes, or pattern parallel to that on the other side
+caused by enlarging in every fourth row. We also cast on one, at the
+opposite end, in every other row, to shape the second side of the neck.
+We then knit one hundred and twelve rows, having each ten knitted
+stitches in the front of the habit-shirt, as on the opposite side, and
+six at the back, and decreasing one in every fourth row, at the back,
+and continuing the pattern, and also the series of holes at the back.
+
+Knit eight rows.
+
+Knit ten stitches, X make two and knit two together; X knit six at end.
+
+Knit all, dropping the second of each of the two made stitches. Knit two
+rows; cast off.
+
+Now, with same needles, pick up the stitches all along the right front
+of the habit-shirt; knit two rows and cast off. Do the same on the left
+front. Then pick up those of the neck, and do the same, shaping it, if
+necessary, by knitting two together occasionally. These finishing-off
+rows look pretty done in pale pink or blue wool. Button-holes may be
+made thus:--in the front or where the ten stitches are, and about once
+in thirty rows, knit three; cast off four; knit three instead of
+knitting the ten as usual. Next row, when we get back to the ten
+stitches, knit three; cast on four; knit three.
+
+
+INFANT'S KNITTED SOCKS.
+
+Half an ounce of White Lamb's Wool. Three No. 13 Knitting Needles. Cast
+on Thirty stitches.
+
+_1st row_--Knit.
+
+_2nd row_--Knit two; make or enlarge one stitch by picking up one from
+the previous row and knitting it; knit all the rest.
+
+_3rd row_--Knit. Repeat second and third rows alternately four times
+more each of them.
+
+_12th row_--Knit two; make a stitch according to directions above given;
+knit rest until four remain; knit two together; knit two.
+
+_13th row_--Knit. Repeat these two rows alternately three times more
+each.
+
+_20th row_--Knit two; enlarge one as before directed; knit rest until
+two remain; enlarge one; knit two.
+
+_21st row_--Knit. Repeat these two rows alternately three more times
+each.
+
+_28th row_--Knit.
+
+_29th row_--Knit fourteen stitches, and leave the other upon the needle.
+Take up the third needle and knit twenty rows more, of fourteen stitches
+each.
+
+_49th row_--Knit two together; knit twelve; on same needle, and with
+same wool, cast on twenty-seven stitches.
+
+_50th row_--Knit.
+
+_51st row_--Knit two; knit two together; knit rest until four remain;
+knit two together; knit two.
+
+_52nd row_--Knit. Repeat these two rows alternately twice more each.
+
+_57th row_--Knit two; make one in manner directed; knit rest until four
+remain; knit two together; knit two.
+
+_58th row_--Knit. Repeat these two rows alternately three times more
+each.
+
+_65th row_--Knit all until four remain; knit two together; knit two.
+
+_66th row_--Knit. Repeat these two rows alternately four more times
+each.
+
+_75th row_--Knit.
+
+_76th row_--Cast off.
+
+This completes the slipper portion of the sock. We now begin the
+instep-piece. Take the wool and knit off ten stitches from the needle on
+which the twenty-seven stitches were left; knit these ten from the
+toe-end, or that where the twenty rows of fourteen stitches each has
+been made; leave the remaining seventeen stitches still on the same
+needle. Knit twenty rows of ten stitches, and in every other one pick up
+the edge-stitch of the toe-piece and knit it with the tenth stitch, so
+as to unite these two portions, viz: the toe and the instep. With each
+stitch of the twentieth row, an edge-stitch of the side at the toe-end
+of the slipper must be picked up, knitted and cast off, and a neat and
+entire union of the toe of the slipper and the instep piece formed.
+
+This instep piece is to be ribbed in rows of four, viz: four rows in
+which the plain side is uppermost, and four rows in which the pearled
+side is uppermost.
+
+We now commence the leg portion of the sock.
+
+With the needle which has been left in the first side of the slipper
+carefully pick up the edge-stitches all along the instep-piece and side
+of the slipper; when this is done, there should be about fifty on the
+needle. Take the wool and knit all along, including the picked up
+stitches, and the seventeen originally on the needle. Knit two rows.
+
+_4th row_--Knit two; X make two (not by picking up, but in the ordinary
+way, by passing the wool twice over the needle), and knit two together;
+knit one; X repeat.
+
+_5th row_--Knit all; casting off one of each of the double made
+stitches. Now knit twenty rows ribbed like the instep-piece.
+
+_26th row_--X Knit one; make one and knit two together; X repeat all
+round.
+
+_27th row_--Knit.
+
+_28th row_--Knit two; X make one and knit two together; knit one; X
+repeat.
+
+_29th, 30th, and 31st rows_--Knit.
+
+_32nd row_--Cast off.
+
+Take a wool needle, thread it with wool, and sew up the sock neatly,
+stitch for stitch, from the top of the leg to the point of the sole;
+then sew the toe; turn it; put on a little rosette of raveled wool; run
+a ribbon in and out through the holes at rows 4 and 5, of the leg
+portion, and it is completed.
+
+As this is intended for an Infant's Sock, we have ordered white wool,
+that being most useful; should it, however, be wished to knit socks for
+an older baby, the slipper may be made of Cerise, Scarlet, Pale Blue,
+Green, or Straw-colored wool; and the 26th, 27th, and 28th rows, of the
+leg portion, and the casting-off done in the color of the slipper; while
+the instep-piece and the rest of the sock are made in white wool.
+
+The sock may also be enlarged by casting on extra stitches in the
+beginning, and adding a couple of rows to each of the divisions of the
+slipper part, and enough to the toe to preserve its form and symmetry.
+
+Almost any of the open anti-maccassar patterns may be used for knitting
+the sock and instep-piece, if a light lace-like appearance is desired.
+The well-known rose-leaf pattern looks particularly pretty.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXII.
+
+SERVANTS.
+
+
+An English writer, speaking of servants, says:--
+
+"There is no question but that we should seek to perform _all_ our
+duties without hope of recompense; and yet, as regards our treatment of
+servants, we should be especially careful that, in endeavoring to make
+their bodily comfort and mental improvement an object of consideration,
+we do not allow ourselves to dwell on the hope of gratitude or affection
+from them in return. Many have done so, and having, with that view, been
+tempted to accord unwise indulgences and to overlook serious faults,
+they have found that, far from gaining the love of their servants, they
+have incurred their contempt; and when they have perceived that their
+favors, unappreciated, have led but to new encroachments, they have
+hardened their hearts and rushed into an opposite extreme. Then they
+have considered their servants as mere machines, from which labor must
+be extorted by all available means.
+
+"A man servant is rarely grateful, and seldom attached. He is generally
+incapable of appreciating those advantages which, with your cultivated
+judgment, you know to be the most conducive to his welfare. Do you
+accord to him regular hours, a stated allowance of work; do you refrain
+from sending him out because it is wet and he is unwell; do you serve
+yourself rather than ring for him at dinner time; he will rarely have
+the grace to thank you in his heart for your constant consideration.
+Hear him! He will thus describe a comfortable place:--'There were very
+few in the family; when they went out of a night, we made it up of a
+morning; we had nice hot suppers, and the cook made a good hash for
+breakfast, and we always got luncheon between that and dinner; and we
+were all very comfortable together, and had a friend in when we liked.
+Master swore at us sometimes, but often made us a present for it when he
+had been very violent; a good-hearted man as ever lived, and mistress
+was quite the lady, and never meddled with servants. It was a capital
+place!'
+
+"Servants' sympathies are with their equals. They feel for a poor
+servant run off his legs, and moped to death; they have no feeling for a
+pains-taking mistress, economical both from principle and scanty means;
+they would (most of them) see her property wasted, and her confidence
+abused without compunction. It is the last effort of a virtue in a
+servant if, without any _private reason_, he should discharge his duty
+by informing you of the injury which you are enduring at the hands of
+his fellow servant. It is an effort of virtue, for it will bring down
+many a bitter taunt and hard word upon his faithful head. '_I_ never got
+a servant out of a place by telling tales on him,' will be said to him.
+Directly a servant departs, we all know, tongues, tied before, are
+loosed, to gain our favor by apparent candor. When it can avail us
+nothing, we are told. We all know this, and have said, 'Be silent now,
+you should have mentioned this at the time.' Supposing, then, you have
+the _rara avis_, the servant that 'speaks at the time,' be chary of him,
+or let me say _her_, (the best servants are women.) Oh! as you value
+her, let her not suppose you cannot part with her. Treat her with
+confidence, but with strict impartiality; reprove when necessary,
+mildly, but decidedly; lest she should presume (power is so tempting),
+and compel you, if you would retain your freedom, to let her go.
+
+"There is one thing a man servant values beyond all that your kindness
+and your consideration can do for him--his liberty; liberty to eat,
+drink, and be merry, with your things in the company of his own friends;
+liberty to get the housemaid to clean his candlesticks, and bring up his
+coals; and the housemaid wishes for liberty to lie in bed in the
+morning, because she was up so late talking to John in the pantry;
+liberty to wear flounces and flowers. The cook desires liberty too. For
+this liberty, if you grant it, they will despise you; if you deny it,
+they will respect you. Aim at their esteem; despair of their love or
+gratitude; make your place what the best class of servants will value,
+and, though in their heart, they may not thank you for it, you will
+gain, perhaps, one servant out of twenty who will keep gross imposition
+and gross immorality at bay.
+
+"These remarks can never be intended to deny the warm attachment of
+female servants to the children of their employers. Deep love, no doubt,
+is lavished by many a woman on the babe she has nursed. There is a
+great deal to be said on the chapter of nurses which would require to be
+dealt with by itself. Much wisdom is required in the administration of a
+nursery, to which few general rules would apply. Cruel is the tyranny
+the nurse frequently practises on the parent, who often refrains from
+entering her nursery, not from want of love to her children, but
+positive dread of the sour looks which greet her. Let her be firm, let
+no shrinking from grieving her darling, who would 'break his heart if
+his Nanna went,' deter her from discharging the encroaching servant.
+
+"I know a lady who was quietly informed by her nurse that she must have
+a 'specified hour' for visiting her children, for that her entering
+without ceremony was most inconvenient. The poor young lady, who was
+fully persuaded her delicate infant would die, if removed to a
+stranger's hands, meekly obeyed, and though tortured by the cries of the
+poor sickly baby, never dared to intrude lest the nurse should abandon
+it. This is a true history, and the sequel may as well be given: that
+the nurse remained seven years, at the end of which time, having become
+insupportable, though really devoted to the children, she gave warning,
+and, though it cost her mistress bitter tears and much resolution, she
+was suffered to depart, and then peace entered that house.
+
+"On the choice of servants much of the comfort of the young housekeeper
+depends. It often happens that her choice has been determined by
+appearance rather than the value of character. If such be the case, she
+will have many difficulties to encounter. It is, in the present day,
+hardly safe to take a servant if there be a single objection to
+character, however it may be glossed over by the person referred to on
+this point; for there is now an unhealthy disposition to pass over the
+failings of servants who have left their places, and to make them
+perfect in the eyes of others. In respect to sobriety, many people will
+not acknowledge that a servant had had the vice of drinking, but will
+cover the unpleasant truth in such gentle and plausible terms that it
+becomes difficult to comprehend how far the hint is grounded, or not. Be
+assured when a lady or gentleman hesitates on this point, or on that of
+honesty, it is wiser not to engage a servant. Nor are you deviating from
+Christian charity in not overlooking a dereliction of so material a
+sort. The kindest plan to the vast community of domestic servants is to
+be rigid in all important points, and having, after a due experience, a
+just confidence in them, to be somewhat indulgent to errors of a more
+trivial nature.
+
+"If all young housekeepers were strict upon the subject of dress, much
+misery to servants would be saved, much temptation avoided, and
+self-reproach prevented. Instead of this kind, and wise, and matronly
+particularity, a type of the good, old-fashioned common sense of our
+grandmothers, ladies now countenance their ladies'-maids in
+discontinuing caps, or, if they have caps, in wearing flowers and lace,
+flowered gowns, and other items of little apparent moment in detail, but
+of much importance to a community as serviceable to the public when well
+managed and respectable, as they are odious and noxious when immoral or
+insolent. After these cruel indulgences, ladies marvel when they find
+servants rise above their station and that they will not bear even a
+mild reproof; they wonder that a plain, useful servant is nowhere to be
+met with. There is now no medium between the fine lady with mittens and
+flowers who dresses your hair, and the dirty sloven of a lodging-house.
+All housemaids must now be upper housemaids; cooks must be cooks and
+housekeepers. The homely housemaid--that invaluable character in her
+way--is indeed difficult to be found; and, at a time when cleanliness is
+at its zenith, the rarity is to discover any one who will clean. All,
+except the raw country girl, expect to have deputies; and, if we go on
+to perfection in this unhealthy system, we shall soon have no working
+servants above twenty years of age. The consequence is, that a greater
+number of servants are kept in every household than formerly in similar
+families; many of these menials are corrupted by congregating together
+and by idleness. The loud and crying complaints of the worthlessness of
+this class are but too justly founded. That they are more mercenary than
+ever, is owing to the pernicious system which lifts them up above their
+condition, but fails to elevate them in the moral standard. In the scale
+of virtue they sink every day lower and lower; in the outward attributes
+they are, as they consider it, raised in character and improved in
+appearance.
+
+"But is it so? The beauty of every thing is fitness. Is the half-fine,
+unlady-like, yet lady-like creature, who answers to your dressing-room
+bell, half so respectable as the old-fashioned, plainly dressed,
+careful, homely maiden of your young days? Is it not with a feeling of
+disgust that you turn from the attempted finery, and sigh for plain
+collars, and caps undecked by flowers, again? I think, among the
+best-bred, the most sensible, and, indeed, the most highly born people
+of a superior stamp, this disgust is so strong that, in some families, a
+grave and suitable costume is introduced for the female servants, and
+the effect is satisfactory, both on the appearance and on the mode of
+thinking of these persons. But this wise, and therefore kind plan, is
+far from being general; and I have heard that a lady's-maid complained
+to her mistress that she found herself the subject of ridicule, owing to
+her not wearing silks, and indeed satins, as the other ladies'-maids
+did.
+
+"It becomes the duty of ladies of influence to rise above the silly
+vanity which, I fear, affects some of them, of seeing their
+ladies'-maids as smart as ladies, and to oppose innovations on the
+decencies of society, so pernicious to the class upon whom much of our
+comfort depends. In setting out in life, a young married lady ought to
+be more than ordinarily strict in these matters, for her inexperience
+will certainly be taken advantage of to some extent. If she be rich
+enough to have a housekeeper, let her endeavor to select one of strict
+religious faith, plain in attire, grave, but kind, and of good sense,
+and even intelligence; for cultivation of mind will never, whatever may
+be stated, detract from the utility of a servant. It is absurd to
+attribute to the diffusion of knowledge the deterioration of servants;
+it is rather owing to the scanty amount of knowledge among them. Most
+superficial is the education about which so much is said and written;
+were servants more thoroughly grounded in many branches of knowledge,
+they would be wiser, less rapacious, more systematic, and better
+contented than they are. They are wretched reasoners, generally losing
+sight of their own true interest, and grasping at that which is unreal
+and visionary. If they were better educated, this would not be the case;
+they would be less vain, less credulous; they would know what qualities
+to respect; they would weigh better the advantage of their lot; and they
+would work better as servants. They would give mind, where now they only
+give hands; and their acquirements, taken from school as they are in
+very early youth, are not ever likely to be such as to make the routine
+of their work distasteful to them, from over refinement or cultivation.
+
+"It is always desirable to have, if possible, servants of one faith. But
+if it so happens that you have a Roman Catholic servant and a Protestant
+in your service, you are bound to allow each the free exercise of her
+religion, and you ought not to respect them if, out of interest, they
+will conform to yours. An exercise of authority on this point amounts,
+in my opinion, to an act of tyranny, and it can only tend to promote
+insincerity, and, perhaps, engender scepticism in its object. Nothing
+is, indeed, so dangerous as to unsettle the faith of the lower classes,
+who have neither time nor opportunity of fairly considering subjects of
+religious controversy.
+
+"While on the subject of servants, I must deprecate the over-indulgence
+of the present system towards them. Formerly they were treated with real
+kindness, but it was the kindness that exacted duty in return, and took
+a real interest in the welfare of each servant. The reciprocal tie in
+former times between servant and master was strong, now it is wholly
+gone. The easy rule of masters and mistresses proceeds far more from
+indifference than from kindness of heart; for the real charity is to
+keep servants steadily to their duties. They are a class of persons to
+whom much leisure is destruction; the pursuits of their idle hours are
+seldom advantageous to them, and theirs are not minds which can thrive
+in repose. Idleness, to them, is peculiarly the root of all evil, for,
+if their time is not spent in vicious amusements, it is often passed in
+slander, discontent, or vanity. In writing thus, I do not recommend a
+hard or inconsiderate system to servants. They require, and in many
+instances they merit, all that can be done to alleviate a situation of
+servitude. They ought not to be the slaves of caprice or the victims of
+temper. Their work should be measured out with a just hand; but it
+should be regularly exacted in as much perfection as can be expected in
+variable and erring human nature.
+
+"Another point on which I would recommend firmness is that of early
+hours. In this respect example is as important as precept; but, however
+uncertain you may be yourself, I would not relax a rule of that kind.
+For every comfort during the day depends upon the early rising of your
+servants. Without this, all their several departments are hurried
+through or neglected in some important respect.
+
+"Your mode of address to servants must be decisive, yet mild. The
+authoritative tone I do not recommend. It is very unbecoming to any
+young person, and it rarely attains the end desired; but there is a
+quiet dignity of deportment which few servants ever can resist. This
+should be tempered with kindness, when circumstances call it forth, but
+should never descend to familiarity. For no caution is more truly kind
+than which confines servants strictly to their own sphere.
+
+"Much evil results from the tendency, more especially of very young, or
+of very old mistresses of families, to partiality. Commonly, one servant
+becomes the almost avowed favorite; and it is difficult to say whether
+that display of partiality is the more pernicious to the servant who is
+the object of it, or to the rankling and jealous minds of the rest of
+the household. It is true that it is quite impossible to avoid
+entertaining a greater degree of confidence in some servants than in
+others; but it should be shown with a due regard to the feelings of all.
+It is, of course, allowable towards those who take a decidedly
+responsible and confidential situation in a household. Still, never let
+such persons assume the reins of government; let them act the part of
+helmsman to the vessel, but not aspire to the control of the captain.
+
+"It is generally wise and right, after a due experience of the
+principles and intentions of servants, to place confidence in their
+honesty, and to let them have the comfort of knowing that you do so. At
+the same time, never cease to exercise a system of supervision. The
+great principle of housekeeping is regularity; and without this (one of
+the most difficult of the minor virtues to practice) all efforts to
+promote order must be ineffectual. I have seen energetic women, clever
+and well-intentioned, fail in attaining a good method, owing to their
+being uncertain in hours, governed by impulse, and capricious. I have
+seen women, inferior in capacity, slow, and apathetic, make excellent
+heads of families, as far as their household was concerned, from their
+steadiness and regularity. Their very power of enduring monotony has
+been favorable to their success in this way, especially if they are not
+called upon to act in peculiar and difficult cases, in which their
+actual inferiority is traceable. But these are not the ordinary
+circumstances of life.
+
+"In closing these remarks on the management of servants, let me exhort
+you never to forget that they are fellow-laborers, in the life of
+probation, with ourselves; let us not embitter their lives by harshness,
+or proffer to them temptation from carelessness and over-indulgence.
+Since all that is given us of this world's goods is but in trust, let us
+regard our servants as beings for whose conduct, while under our
+control, we are more or less responsible. It is true that, if they come
+to us with morals wholly depraved, it is not likely that the most
+strenuous exertions can amend them; but many waver between good and
+evil. Let us endeavor to excite in their minds a respect for virtue, to
+give them motives for industry, inducements to save their wages. Those
+who have large households should not deem the morals of the meanest of
+their servants beneath their investigation, or too obscure for their
+influence to reach."
+
+Some attention is absolutely necessary, in this country, to the training
+of servants, as they come here from the lowest ranks of English and
+Irish peasantry, with as much idea of politeness as the pig domesticated
+in the cabin of the latter.
+
+Opening the door seems a simple act, yet few servants perform it in a
+proper, respectful manner. Let your servant understand that the door
+must be opened immediately after the bell rings. Visitors, from neglect
+of this rule, will often ring several times, and finally leave the door.
+I have known an instance when in a case of severe illness the patient
+lost the visit of the doctor, who, after ringing some minutes, was
+obliged to pay other visits, and could not return to the sufferer's
+house until several hours later.
+
+When opening the door some servants hold it ajar and hold a long parley
+with the person on the steps, as if afraid they wished to enter for the
+purpose of murder or theft.
+
+Train them to answer the door promptly, speak politely to any one who
+may be there, excuse you, if necessary, to visitors in courteous terms,
+or, if you are in, show the callers into the parlor, take their card,
+and come back quickly with your answer.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIII.
+
+ON A YOUNG LADY'S CONDUCT WHEN CONTEMPLATING MARRIAGE.
+
+
+The following chapter, met with in a recent perusal of an English work
+for young ladies, strikes me as so admirable, and so appropriate in this
+place, that I quote the chapter entire:
+
+"The difficulties and trials of life have only just begun when a young
+lady fancies herself to be of sufficient importance to become the theme
+of animadversion. She knows little of the true importance of
+self-control, until she experiences the first indications of preference
+shown her by the other sex.
+
+"Such indications are often manifested, whilst she to whom they are
+directed, is wholly unprepared to analyze her own feelings, before her
+opinions upon what she has seen are by any means developed; before she
+has even considered adequately, on what her happiness depends; before
+she has discernment to reject what is frivolous, or wisdom to prefer
+what is good. This is more especially the case in the highest and lowest
+classes, in which, by a strange analogy, they either rush into the
+marriage state whilst children, or wait until the bloom and hopes of
+youth have forever passed away, in order to form interested matches. The
+matured period of five-and-twenty to thirty, is passed by the lower
+classes in the single state in labor to gain subsistence; after thirty,
+or even forty, we often find them marrying. But the majority have sealed
+their own fate before the age of twenty.
+
+"In high life, the same haste to dispose of daughters prevails as among
+the lowest classes. At seventeen, most of our belles of fashion expect
+to receive proposals. If they do not marry within a few years after
+their introduction, they have a mortified sense of having lost
+time--that the expectations of friends and of parents have not been
+fulfilled; that others have 'gone off' before them. The next ten years
+are often a period of subdued vexation, and the sweetness and
+contentment of the original character is impaired. About seven or eight
+and twenty, the views of life are sobered--the expectations chastened--a
+renovation takes place--women again become agreeable; their minds must
+in the lapse of time, even with a miserable store of observation, have
+improved. They then often marry--and, if the union be not a mere effort
+of despair, if it be based on sound and holy principles, and on good
+sense, there is, for both parties engaged, a great likelihood of
+happiness.
+
+"But, it may be naturally contended, that there come not to _all_ young
+ladies the opportunities of which I write; that indications of
+preference arrive not to all. I am inclined to believe that, with good
+temper, pleasing manners, and respectable connections, there exists, in
+modern society, very few young ladies who have not received under
+various circumstances, some marks of preference, more or less decided.
+Beauty and plainness are arbitrary, not positive, terms. Unless there be
+any actual deformity, any great infirmity, in which case I think it were
+cruel to pre-suppose the likelihood of such indications, there is no
+one, that I hardly ever met with, who has not had, on some grounds, her
+partizans and admirers. The plain are often particularized as elegant;
+tastes vary: even a sour look I have heard admired as sensible, cold
+manners eulogized as correct. Opinion, however it may generally verge to
+the correct, springs from so many sources, it is so governed by
+association of ideas, such trifles may guide it, that I am never
+surprised at the latitude given to personal encomium nor at the endless
+variety and incongruity of human judgment. It is well that all have a
+chance of being approved, admired, beloved, and it remains for them to
+avail themselves of those possibilities which contribute so much to
+happiness. For we are sympathizing beings, and a law of our nature makes
+us look for a return of sympathy. We are sent here to form ties, and to
+love, and to be loved, whether the term applies to parental, or filial,
+or fraternal love--or whether it respects the less sure and more fitful
+experiences of love, in its ordinary sense.
+
+"I do not blame the parents who instil into their children of both sexes
+a desire to be married. I think those who teach the young a different
+lesson deceive them. Marriage, with all its chances, its infelicities,
+its sacrifices, is seldom so infelicitous, so uncertain, so full of
+sacrifice, as the single state. Life must have some objects, and those
+objects must be progressive. The mind is happier and healthier with
+such interests, even if sorrow comes along with them, than in its
+solitude, its desolate freedom from care, when having, as the phrase is,
+no troubles of the conjugal sort to disturb its tranquillity. I
+therefore do not censure those who desire to see their daughters happily
+and suitably established in life. It is the indiscreet and vulgar haste,
+the indelicacy, the low mercenary views, and the equally low ambition to
+compass a splendid match, which is blameable and revolting in the
+parental conduct.
+
+"Many are, however, blessed with guides and guardians of very different
+characters; with parents, whose lofty natures not only reject such
+unworthy notions, but somewhat incline to the extreme of repelling all
+advances for their daughters. In either case, the conduct of a young
+lady may be the same. It is she who must form her own destiny in points
+on which none can effectually aid her. It is she who is to be the happy
+wife, or the wretched victim; and it is to her that these observations
+of admonition and of warning are addressed. Let us suppose her young, of
+course, attractive in appearance, of good birth, and some fortune. I
+here except heiresses, who, being anomalies, deserve a particular
+paragraph for themselves. But let us suppose that no obstacle of family
+or connection interferes to check the approach of a suitor.
+
+"The eyes of her family and of her young friends are upon her, when a
+young lady receives the first indications of preference. She is
+generally ashamed of it. This is the first sentiment of a modest and
+ingenuous mind, and it is one indication, in my opinion, of the
+impropriety of early marriages. Nature seems still to wish to keep the
+young and blushing girl apart from that connection which entails grave
+and arduous duties. But Nature's voice is far less often heard than that
+of her adversary, expediency. I must, therefore, shape my injunctions to
+that which exists, not to that which we would wish to exist.
+
+"Almost sinking under this painful sense of shame, this novel
+disturbance of her usual set of feelings, a young girl catches at the
+first reed to save herself from observation and detection. I mean
+detection of her perception of that which others may or may not see. She
+seizes upon ridicule. She pretends to laugh at one, whom sometimes her
+youthful romantic fancy dwells upon in a very different sense. She
+laughs at the foibles, supposed or real, of her admirer: she plays a
+dangerous game. If any of those to whom she imparts her witticisms are
+malevolently disposed or thoughtless, she runs a risk either of wounding
+the feelings of a man whom she does not like, or of losing the regard of
+one whom she might in time not only esteem, but love.
+
+"Another effect of such attentions as awaken a consciousness in a young
+lady's mind, is the gratification of vanity, perhaps until then latent
+in her heart. The first preference is apt to upset the reason of its
+object as of him who shows it. The word vanity does not seem to imply
+danger. Vanity is generally considered an innocent failing; but it is
+innocent only as some kinds of food are to a healthy subject. On a weak,
+or even on an inexperienced mind, it acts, sometimes, fatally for the
+vain. A girl is either carried away by admiration so as to be flippant
+and foolish, or she is blinded by her vanity to the failings of the man
+who first admires her. She is intoxicated with the notion of an offer
+of marriage; she imagines, in her simplicity, effervesced as it is by
+the infusion of flattered vanity, that she has inspired such an
+attachment as will never be recovered, should she prove adverse to it.
+Many an engagement has been formed under this conviction, and fulfilled
+only to prove its fallacy, for the love which was supposed too strong to
+survive disappointment, has expired in the fruition of its hopes.
+
+"To guard against either of these risks to happiness, a well-educated
+girl should endeavor, in this, to exercise her judgment. She should be
+sincere. She is blameable to ridicule the attentions which are meant as
+complimentary to her. They ought to be at least regarded with respect.
+
+"Should they not be acceptable, she is inexcusable to requite them with
+levity and disdain. Let her reflect how she would like such conduct
+herself. Besides, she is often making a bitter enemy; perhaps she is
+exciting fierce and unamiable sentiments in one who otherwise might have
+been regarded as a mild and worthy individual. Let her be undeceived if
+she supposes that in thus doing she is carrying herself with dignity, or
+acquiring any added admiration from others. She ceases, in thus acting,
+to support the characteristics of a gentlewoman, which are mildness,
+courtesy, and reserve. If she cherishes, in spite of her pretended
+disgust, a secret partiality for the individual who distinguishes her,
+if she is lowering the esteem of a man whom she prefers, she not only
+incurs the hazard of losing his regard, but she is scattering ridicule
+on one whom she afterwards avows as her choice. In that case, she is
+lowering herself, or she is sowing the seeds of distrust in the minds of
+those who know her--she is, perhaps, frustrating and delaying her own
+happiness. Let her act with candor, with consideration, with good sense,
+and all this web which her folly would weave around her will not
+embarrass her. Let her not madly and obstinately resist the advice of
+those on whose affection to her, and on whose good judgment, experience
+has taught her to rely. Let her be a child in nothing except humility;
+let her listen to counsels; yet her own heart must decide for her--none
+can know so well as herself its secret throbs, or the impression of
+dislike or of regard which has been made upon it.
+
+"I am, I confess, an enemy to trying to like a person, as I have rarely
+seen such a mental process end in happiness to either party. If an
+advantageous proposal offer itself, it is wiser decidedly to refuse it,
+than to trust to the slow growth of affection, upon a foundation of
+original dislike. And the trials of married life are such,--its
+temptations to irritability and contention are so manifold, its
+anxieties so unforseen and so complicated, that few can steer their
+difficult course safely and happily, unless there be a deep and true
+attachment, to contend with all the storms which may arise in the
+navigation.
+
+"Deeply impressed with this conviction, should it be the lot of any
+young lady in whom I were interested to form a real, well-grounded
+attachment to a man whose circumstances were indifferent, I should
+counsel her, provided she can depend on the character and exertions of
+the object so beloved, to risk the event of an engagement--to trust to
+time and Providence, and to marry whenever means were afforded,--convinced
+as I am, that patience, and trust, and true affection, raise the
+character, and are acceptable in the eyes of our Heavenly Father. But
+in such a case, she must school her mind to meet the anxieties which
+attend limited means. She must prepare herself, by habits of diligence
+and economy, to become a poor man's wife. She must learn the difficult
+art of doing well upon a little. She must not, be she in any rank of
+life, think to indulge with impunity to herself in every refinement and
+luxury when she is single; and, upon her marriage, imagine that she can
+attain the practice of economy by wishing it. Such metamorphoses are out
+of reason--out of nature. She must endeavor before the bond which ties
+her to poverty is framed, to understand the duties of housekeeping, the
+mysteries of needle-work. She must lay down to herself rules of
+expenditure suitable, in part, to her future condition in life. Many a
+wife, thus commencing, has laid the foundations of future fortune, at
+least independence, to her husband, by keeping his mind at peace, during
+his progress up the steep ascent to professional, or clerical, or
+literary fame. Many a home has been cheered by domestic forbearance, and
+placid submission to circumstances, even in the higher classes, during
+the life-time of a father, or in the course of those long expectancies,
+in which the fortitude and principle of many of the aristocracy are
+tried and proved. But the self-denial, the cheerfulness, the good
+management, the strict principle, are formed at an earlier period than
+that in which a young lady gives her hand to him whom she has chosen,
+in spite of the frown of fortune, as her husband.
+
+"Of this let the young be assured; there are few situations in life, in
+which a man, young, and in health, cannot meliorate his circumstances,
+if he possess energy and if he be stimulated by a true affection. The
+clergyman, with humble stipend, often hopeless from want of interest,
+has leisure--he has had education. He may, if he desires to assist
+himself, have recourse to literary labor, or to tuition. If he make not
+such exertion, during the course of an engagement, what hope can there
+be of him in future life?
+
+"The young lawyer, however tedious his advancement, however few his
+opportunities, may also distinguish himself in a literary career.
+Innumerable are the subjects open to one of such a profession. How few
+avail themselves of the chance! Upon this rely, the man truly in love
+will make the effort. To the military man, though perhaps he may be less
+qualified, the same course is open, in a degree. Some of our best
+travels, some of our most amusing literary productions, have been the
+compositions of military men. And the advantage of this mode of aiding a
+small fortune is, that a man not only does not lower, but he raises his
+position by it, if his works are moral, written in a gentlemanly spirit,
+and affording information. However deep the attachment, however
+agreeable the object, if a man be indisposed to help himself to
+independence and competence, I should counsel no woman to continue an
+engagement formed in the expectation of 'times mending.' When I
+advocate the indulgence of attachment, it is to worthy, not to
+unworthy, objects.
+
+"I now come to speak of moral character. Hard is the contest between
+affection and expediency, when it is raised by the question of
+circumstances. But harder still is it, when its result is to be decided
+upon an inquiry into moral conduct. I know not a more cruel situation
+than that when the heart is bestowed on one whom the judgment could not
+approve. I know not one which should be more strictly guarded against,
+not only by parents and friends, but (for I would impress on every young
+lady how much she may prove the best guardian of her own happiness) by
+the female heart itself.
+
+"With every vigilance, with little to blame, little to repent, such
+cases will occur in this world. The feelings are interested, but the
+judgment distrusts. Happy is it for those who know the combat between
+affection and principle only in single life, and have not the misery of
+encountering so severe a destiny when it can no longer be remedied--who
+know not how to fulfill the vow to honor what is proved to be
+unworthy--and yet still must love,--for the affections once given, are
+little in our own power.
+
+"In such a case occurring to the young, in, perhaps, a first attachment,
+I think they must be guided by friends. I am _not_ an advocate for the
+interference of friends: where it is much a question of a long and
+contingent engagement--a question of being married at once, or of
+waiting, in some uncertainty--a question of ease or discomfort, of
+limited means or luxury--in such instances, if the moral character be
+unexceptionable, it is the duty of parents to point out all the risk,
+all the disadvantages, but to leave the heart to form its own decisions.
+Let them not seek to wrench the affections from the channel in which
+they flowed, when fresh from their source. They cannot know how deep the
+channel is--they cannot know if ever those pure and beautiful waters
+will flow in peace again when once hastily turned aside. But in cases of
+moral character, of right or wrong, the affair is wholly different, and
+the strictest parental authority ought, upon due inquiry, to be
+exercised.
+
+"Submission and self-control are then the duty of the young
+sufferer--for a sufferer she truly _is_;--no page of her after-history
+could unfold a bitterer pang. But peace and hope come at last--the
+struggle, though violent, leaves behind it none of that corroding
+sorrow, which would have accompanied the acquiescence of parents in a
+union unblessed by a Providence, whose will is that all should be pure,
+even as He above is pure. Had your fond wishes been granted, young and
+trusting being, how fearful would have been your condition! For there is
+no suspicion so revolting to an innocent mind as that which unseats love
+from his throne in our affections, and places another in his stead. Be
+assured of this--little can you know of the moral conduct of the other
+sex; little is it desirable that you should know. But whenever
+improprieties are so flagrant as to be matters of conversation; when the
+good shun, and the pitying forbear to excuse; be assured some deeper
+cause than you can divine exists for the opprobrium. Think not that your
+empire over affections thus wasted can be a real one. It is transient,
+it will not last--it will not bring reformation--it will never be
+adequately requited. Throw yourself on the judgment of those whose
+interest in you has been life-long, or of such as you know truly regard
+your happiness; conquer the unhallowed preference; pray for support and
+guidance; trust in Him who 'catereth for the sparrow.'
+
+"But, when the commencement of life is chilled by so cruel a
+sorrow--when the blight has fallen on the bud--we must not only look up
+to heavenly aid, we must take every means of care for an unfortunate,
+and, when once the judgment is convinced of the unworthiness of the
+object, a blameable attachment. How often, in the Psalms, in the
+Gospels, the word 'Help' is reiterated! We are to help ourselves--we
+must work for our heavenly peace on earth--the mental discipline, to
+prosper, must be aided by divine grace, but its springs must be from our
+own hearts. And, to fulfill the will of God in this, as in the other
+events of life, let us take such means as may aid us in the work of
+self-government.
+
+"In the first place, let employment be resorted to by the sorrowing, do
+not indulge in tears; do not sit alone: abstain, for a time, from music;
+abstain from the perusal of poetry, or works of imagination. They still
+more soften the feelings and open up the sources of grief. Read works of
+_fact_--endeavor to occupy yourself with the passing events of the
+world. And, when the overburdened heart cannot be comforted, or its
+thoughts diverted--for there will be moments too mournful to be
+resisted--go forth into the fields, go to the houses of the poor--see
+the goodness and mercy of God--see too, the patience and long-suffering
+of the poor, who may often set the rich an example of fortitude. Occupy
+yourself, if you can, with children; their freshness, their joyful
+unconsciousness, the elasticity of their spirits, will sustain and draw
+you from yourself, or have recourse to the soothing calmness of the
+aged. Hear them converse upon the affairs of life; how they appreciate
+the importance of each passing event, as a traveler does the ruts and
+inequalities of the road he has traversed. How their confidence in the
+effect of time sustains you! and you turn from them, reflecting on all
+that the happiest of them must necessarily have endured. Be assured of
+your own recovery, under an influence so certain.
+
+"Avoid young persons of your own age. If possible, except to a sister,
+whose deep interest in you will probably teach her a superior lesson,
+never confide in young friends, a similar trial as that to which I have
+referred. In general, your resolution will be weakened, your feelings
+re-excited, your confidence in your best advisers will be shaken. For
+the young usually take the part of the rejected lover--they delight in
+that dangerous species of sympathy which flatters with hope. They are
+naturally incredulous as to the delinquencies of a man who is agreeable,
+and in love; they incline to the notion of the hard-heartedness of
+fathers, uncles, and elder brothers; and even, if they happen to possess
+good sense, or to exercise the rare quality of prudence in such matters,
+the very communication of any sorrow, or the recital of any feelings,
+gives not only a merely temporary relief, but deadens that sorrow and
+strengthens those feelings, which grow every time they are imparted. If
+you wish to recover--and, if you have a sound and well-disposed mind,
+you _will_ wish to recover--you must, after the first burst of grief is
+over, speak but rarely of a theme too painful and delicate to bear the
+contact of rude minds--too dangerous to dwell upon with those of a
+kindlier and loftier nature.
+
+"To your female relations--to your mother, more especially, too great an
+openness cannot be practiced on these points, but openness does not
+imply a perpetual recurrence to a theme, which must wear out patience
+and exhaust all but maternal sympathy, in time. For maternal sympathy is
+exhaustless; be generous, and restrain, from that very reflection, the
+continual demand upon its flow. The first person to consult, the last to
+afflict--a mother--should not be the victim of her daughter's feelings.
+Her judgment should not be weakened by the incessant indulgence of a
+daughter's sorrows.
+
+"I would, on many grounds, caution the young against hasty engagements.
+It seems extraordinary that the welfare of a life should often be
+determined upon the acquaintance of a few weeks. The principles, it is
+true, may be ascertained from the knowledge of others, the manners may
+please, the means and expectations may all be clearly understood. But
+the temper--that word of unspeakable import--the daily habits, the power
+of constancy--these are not to be known without a long and severe
+examination of the motives, and a daily observation of the conduct, of
+others. Very little suffices to mar the happiness of married life, if
+that little proceed in the character of a man, from a rooted
+selfishness.
+
+"It is true, in regard to this defect, that much may be done by a wife
+to meliorate a vice of character which is, in some, only the result of
+never having had their feelings developed. But if there exist not this
+excuse--if, in spite of ties, which are dearer to an affectionate mind
+than existence; you find a man preferring his own comfort to that of
+those whom he professes to love--if you find him imperious to his
+servants, dictatorial to sisters, on cool terms with brothers, there is
+little hope that the mental disease will ever be rooted out, so as to
+leave a healthy character of mind. Examine well into this point; for a
+hasty temper may be remedied, and even endured--but the deep, slow,
+sullen course of a selfish nature wears away hope, imparts a cankering
+care, and, with it, often disgust. No defect is so little to be resisted
+as selfishness. It creeps into every detail; it infects the minutest
+affairs of life as well as the greatest concerns. It depresses the
+humble sufferer from its baneful effects; it irritates the passions of
+the unamiable. Study well the character in trifles; nor venture to risk
+your bark on the sea of matrimony, unless you know well how far this
+man, whom you might prefer, is free from this deadly infection. View
+him, if possible, in his home, before you pledge your faith with
+his--or, if that be not practicable, reflect upon the general course of
+his actions, of his sentiments, and endeavor dispassionately to judge
+them, as best you may."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIV.
+
+BRIDAL ETIQUETTE.
+
+
+In preparing a bridal outfit, it is best to furnish the wardrobe for at
+least two years, in under-clothes, and one year in dresses, though the
+bonnet and cloak, suitable for the coming season, are all that are
+necessary, as the fashions in these articles change so rapidly. If you
+are going to travel, have a neat dress and cloak of some plain color,
+and a close bonnet and veil. Avoid, as intensely vulgar, any display of
+your position as a _bride_, whilst traveling.
+
+Take, first, the weddings at church. In this case none are invited to
+the ceremony excepting the family, and the reception is at the house of
+the bride's mother, or nearest relative, either on the wedding-day or
+upon her return from the bridal tour.
+
+In sending out the invitations, let the card of the bridegroom and that
+of the bride be tied together with a white ribbon, and folded in the
+note paper upon which is printed the name of the bride's mother, with
+the date of the reception-day, thus:--
+
+ MRS. JOHN SAUNDERS.
+ At home, Thursday, Oct. 16th,
+ from 11 till 2.
+
+ No. 218, ---- st.
+
+of course the hours and dates vary, but the form is the same.
+
+If there is no bridal reception upon the wedding day, the cards are
+worded:--
+
+ MR. AND MRS. JAMES SMITH.
+ At home, Wednesdays,
+ On, and after, June 6th.
+
+ No. 17, ---- st.
+
+Tie the card with the bride's maiden name upon it to this one.
+
+Enclose the invitation in a white envelope, and tie it with white satin
+ribbon. If you send cake, have it put in a white box, and place the note
+outside the cover, tying it fast with white satin ribbon.
+
+The bride's dress must be of white entirely. If she is married in the
+morning, a plain white silk, white mantle, and white bonnet, full
+trimmed with orange flowers, with a plain veil, is the most suitable
+dress, and she may wear a richer one at her reception, when she returns
+from her bridal tour.
+
+As soon as the carriages come, let the bridesmaids, and relatives set
+off first.--Last, the bride with her parents. The bride, her parents,
+and the bridesmaids go immediately to the vestry, where they meet the
+bridegroom, and the groomsmen. The father of the bride gives her his arm
+and escorts her to the altar, the bridegroom walking on the other side.
+Then follow the bridesmaids and groomsmen in couples.
+
+When they reach the altar the bridegroom removes his right hand glove,
+but the bride keeps hers on until the clergyman takes the ring. The
+first bridesmaid then removes the left hand glove, and it is not
+resumed. The bridesmaids should wear white dresses, white mantles, and
+bonnets, but not veils or orange flowers.
+
+The bride and groom leave the church first, after the ceremony is over,
+and take the carriage with the parents of the bride, and the others
+follow in the order in which they came.
+
+If there is a breakfast or morning reception, the bride will not change
+her dress until she retires to put on her traveling attire. If the
+wedding takes place in the evening at church, to be followed by a full
+dress reception at home, the bride should wear a white lace dress over
+satin, or any other material to suit her own taste, a veil, falling from
+her head to her feet, fastened to the hair by a coiffure of orange
+flowers; white kid gloves, and white satin slippers. A bouquet, if
+carried, should contain only white flowers.
+
+The bridesmaids may wear white, or some thin, light-colored material
+over white, a head-dress of flowers, and carry bouquets of mixed
+flowers.
+
+When the wedding takes place at home, let the company assemble in the
+front drawing-room, and close the doors between that and the back room.
+In the back room, let the bride, bridegroom, bridesmaids, and groomsmen,
+the parents of the bride, and the clergyman, assemble. The clergyman
+should stand in the centre of the room, the bride and groom before him,
+the bridesmaids ranged beside the bride, the groomsmen beside the
+bridegroom. Then open the doors and let the ceremony begin. This
+arrangement saves that awkwardness attendant upon entering the room and
+taking the position before a large company.
+
+After the ceremony is over, the parents of the bride speak to her first;
+then her near relatives, and not until then the other members of the
+company.
+
+It is not usual now to have dancing, or even music, at a wedding, and
+the hour is named upon the cards, at which the guests are expected to
+retire.
+
+A very pretty effect is produced in the wedding group, if the bride
+wears pure white, and the bridesmaids white, with flowers and trimmings
+of a different color. Thus, one in white, with a head-dress and trimming
+of green leaves; another, white, with blue ribbons and forget-me-nots;
+another, white, with pink roses and ribbons.
+
+If the wedding is in the morning, the bride and family may wear full
+dress; in that case the shutters should be closed and the rooms lighted
+as in the evenings.
+
+Let the supper be laid early, and ready when the ceremony is over, that
+the guests may pass into the dining-room, if they wish, as soon as they
+have spoken to the bride. If a morning wedding, let the table be set as
+for an evening wedding.
+
+If the bride gives a reception at her own house, after her return from
+her bridal tour, she should not wear her wedding-dress. If in the
+evening, a supper should be set. If a morning reception, let her wear a
+handsome light silk, collar and sleeves of lace. Wine and cake are
+sufficient to hand to each guest at a morning reception. At an evening
+reception let the bride wear full dress, but not her wedding-dress.
+
+At parties given to a newly married couple, the bridesmaids and
+groomsmen are always invited, and the whole party are expected to wear
+the same dresses as at the wedding.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXV.
+
+HINTS ON HEALTH.
+
+
+The universal remark of travelers visiting America, as well as the
+universal complaint of Americans themselves, relates to the ill health
+of the fairer portion of the community. Look where you will, go to any
+city in the vast Union, the remark and complaint will be made
+everywhere. With every natural advantage of climate, yet from North to
+South, East to West the cry resounds.
+
+Foreigners, admiring the dark-eyed girls of the southern states or the
+blondes of the northern ones, will remark, with comments upon beauty:--
+
+"But she looks delicate, poor thing!--Not strong? Ah! I thought not,
+none of the American women are, and how soon these young beauties fade!"
+
+It seems to me, amongst the subjects treated of in my present work, that
+a few words on health will not come amiss.
+
+"Light and sunshine are needful for your health. Get all you can; keep
+your windows clean. Do not block them up with curtains, plants, or
+bunches of flowers;--these last poison the air, in small rooms.
+
+"Fresh air is needful for your health. As often as you can, open all
+your windows, if only for a short time in bad weather; in fine weather,
+keep them open, but never sit in draughts. When you get up, open the
+windows wide, and throw down the bed-clothes, that they may be exposed
+to fresh air some hours, daily, before they are made up. Keep your
+bed-clothes clean; hang them to the fire when you can. Avoid wearing at
+night what you wear in the day. Hang up your day-clothes at night.
+Except in the severest weather, in small, crowded sleeping-rooms, a
+little opening at the top of the window-sash is very important; or you
+will find one window pane of perforated zinc very useful. You will not
+catch cold half so easily by breathing pure air at night. Let not the
+beds be directly under the windows. Sleeping in exhausted air creates a
+desire for stimulants.
+
+"Pure water is needful for your health. Wash your bodies as well as your
+faces, rubbing them all over with a coarse cloth. If you cannot wash
+thus every morning, pray do so once a week. Crying and cross children
+are often pacified by a gentle washing of their little hands and
+faces--it soothes them. Babies' heads should be washed carefully, every
+morning with soap. No scurf should be suffered to remain upon them. Get
+rid of all slops and dirty water at once. Disease, and even death, is
+often the consequence of our own negligence. Wash your rooms and
+passages at least once a week, use plenty of clean water; but do not let
+your children stay in them while they are wet, it may bring on croup or
+inflammation of the chest. If you read your Bibles, which it is
+earnestly hoped you do, you will find how cleanliness, both as to the
+person and habitation, was taught to the Jews by God himself; and we
+read in the 4th chapter of Nehemiah that when they were building their
+second temple, and defending their lives against their foes, having no
+time for rest, they contrived to put off their clothes for washing. It
+is a good old saying, that _cleanliness is next to godliness_. See Heb.
+x. 22.
+
+"Wholesome food is needful for your health. Buy the most strengthening.
+Pieces of fresh beef and mutton go the farthest. Eat plenty of fresh
+salt with food; it prevents disease. Pray do not let your children waste
+their pennies in tarts, cakes, bull's eyes, hardbake, sour fruit, &c.,
+they are very unwholesome, and hurt the digestion. People would often,
+at twenty years of age, have a nice little sum of money to help them on
+in the world, if they had put in the savings' bank the money so wasted;
+Cocoa is cheaper and much more nourishing than _tea_. None of these
+liquids should be taken _hot_, but lukewarm; when hot they inflame the
+stomach, and produce indigestion.
+
+"We are all made to breathe the pure air of heaven, and therefore much
+illness is caused by being constantly in-doors. Let all persons make a
+point, whenever it is possible, of taking exercise in the _open air_ for
+at least an hour and a half _daily_. _Time_ would be saved in the long
+run by the increased energy and strength gained, and by the warding off
+of disease."
+
+Let it not be supposed that it is not the duty of every young lady to
+take due care of her health, and to preserve in all its power of utility
+every portion of vigor which has been bestowed on her.
+
+With many young ladies, it appears to be a maxim to do everything in
+their power to destroy the health which is so much wanted in the real
+business of life, and which forms so important a requisite to happiness.
+In the first place, as to hours--they never leave the ball-room until
+utterly exhausted, and scarcely fit to crawl to bed. The noon-day sleep,
+the scarcely touched breakfast, that most important meal, are followed
+by preparations for the succeeding night's pleasures, or in head-aching
+morning calls, driving about in a close carriage, or lounging on a sofa,
+in an over-heated room, reading novels.
+
+Dressing follows; the warm wrapper or dress is thrown aside; over the
+tightly drawn corsets is fastened a flimsy dress, with an inch of
+sleeve; the neck laid bare; thin stockings drawn on, in place of thick
+ones, and the consumption-seeker goes forth to the ball-room again.
+
+"At times, you miss from the gay assemblage some former ornament--you
+inquire about her--she has taken cold. Inflammation of the lungs, caught
+it in an accidental draught of air by one of these fair half-dressed
+beings, carried off, not long since, one of the gayest and fairest of
+the belles of the season--after an illness of three days.
+
+"Preservation of the health ought, from an early stage of existence, to
+be enforced as a duty upon the young. To walk daily; to have daily
+recourse, in summer, even twice a day, to the sponging with cold water,
+or the shower-bath;--to eat sufficiently of plain, nutritious food; to
+keep the mind calm--these are _duties_;--they should be habitually
+exercised. Care should be taken not to come out heated, with a shawl
+just pinned across the shoulders, from a heated room. Where there is
+delicacy of the lungs or windpipe, yet not sufficient to render a
+withdrawal from evening parties necessary, the use of a respirator at
+night is desirable. It is usual to have recourse to this valuable
+invention only when disease is actually existing--as a preventive, it is
+neglected. Yet, preserving the temperature of a warm room, it is an
+excellent precaution, and can easily be assumed when the shawl or cloak
+is put on. The atmosphere of a city is destructive where there is any
+pulmonary delicacy, and who shall say, where there is _not_ pulmonary
+delicacy? In this climate, there is a tendency to it, more or less, in
+almost every family,--at all events, it is too easily induced in our
+predisposed constitutions, by cold, aided by the debilitating effect of
+heated rooms and an artificial mode of existence, and accelerated also,
+most decidedly, by bared shoulders. For, in this climate, it is scarcely
+ever safe to lay bare that portion of the frame, the back and chest in
+which the lungs are seated; and, although custom may greatly lead to
+diminish the injurious effects, the sudden chill may strike, and may
+never be recovered.
+
+"During every season, certain people have 'head colds,' coughs, and
+'feverish colds.' These are produced by certain states of climate acting
+on certain states of constitution. At particular seasons such complaints
+abound--at others they abound still more; and again, from some
+singularity, they prevail so much that people say, there is an
+_Influenza_.
+
+"Influenza has been long known in the world. It has often visited
+Europe; and made its appearance on our shores with greater severity
+than at present. It has sometimes been very severe, and left many
+persons ill for a year or two.
+
+"The symptoms of influenza need not be dwelt on, as they have been so
+generally felt by our readers or their friends. It varies in different
+people, to be sure, both in kind and in degree. Considering the number
+of people it attacks, it may be looked on as an innocent disease; but,
+on the other hand, looking at the increase it has made in the number of
+deaths, it is an exceedingly serious one after all.
+
+"In simple cases--confinement to a pure and temperate air, warm drinks,
+and a warm bath, or, at least, a warm foot-bath, with an extra blanket,
+and a little more rest than usual, keeping to mild food, and toast and
+water, and taking, if necessary, a dose of aperient medicine,--is all
+that is required. In serious cases, the domestic treatment must become
+professional. Mustard plasters to the back relieve the headache. Squills
+find other medicines 'loosen' the outstanding cough. Bark and wine, and
+even cold baths are sometimes requisite for the weakness left behind.
+But these things can only be used with discrimination by a regular
+professional man.
+
+"Supposing that the seeds of disease have not been laid in childhood,
+and that there is no particular predisposition to any malady in the
+constitution, a young woman enters life with every fair prospect of
+enjoying tolerable health;--yet, how variable, and delicate, and
+complaining, do the majority of women become! What a vast expense is
+incurred, during the course of their lives, in physicians, medicine,
+change of air, baths abroad and at home, and journeys! How few women can
+walk,--or can suppress nervous feelings,--or can eat like reasonable
+beings: how many suffer, or say they suffer from debility, headaches,
+dyspepsia, a tendency to colds, eternal sore throats, rheumatic attacks,
+and the whole list of polite complaints! With all our modern wisdom,
+with all our books on health, our smatterings of physiological science,
+our open carriages, sponging baths, and attention to diet, women now are
+a far more feeble race than our grandmothers, or even our mothers, were.
+What daughter can walk half as far as her mother can? What young woman
+can take the active part that her mother did? In most families, the
+order of things is reversed. It is not a child trembling for her
+mother's health, and fearing, lest her parent, no longer young, should
+be fatigued; but it is the mother who is always striving to spare her
+child exertions which she can herself perfectly well undergo, but which
+the enfeebled child of modern self-indulgence dare not encounter.
+
+"Yes! we are a self-indulgent race, this present generation. Witness our
+easily excited feelings; witness our late hours of rising, our sofas and
+easy chairs, our useless days and dissipated nights! Witness our pallid
+faces, our forms, sometimes attenuated and repulsive while yet in early
+life, age marching, not creeping, on before his time; or witness our
+over-fed and over-expanded forms, enfeebled by indolence, and suffering
+the worst species of debility--the debility of _fat_. Witness our doing
+those things by deputy which our grandmothers did themselves; witness
+our host of scents and perfumed waters on our dressing-tables; our
+over-refinement, which amounts to an enervating puerility, and our
+incapacity of parting with one accustomed indulgence, even at the
+bidding of the learned and disinterested adviser?
+
+"'In the education of women,' writes a modern physician, 'too little
+attention is given to subdue the imaginative faculty, and to moderate
+sensibility; on the contrary, they are generally fostered; and, instead
+of a vigorous intellect and healthy condition of mind, we find
+imagination and sentiment predominant over the reasoning faculties, and
+laying the foundation of hysterical, hypochondriacal, and even maniacal
+diseases.'[B] It is, in fact, this want of judgment in the management of
+early life that produces so much misery when women are called upon to
+perform an important part in society, and when all that exertion can do
+is required at their hands.
+
+[B] "The Sick-Room," by Dr. A. T. Thomson.
+
+"The duration of sleep should not, in the adult, exceed six or eight
+hours; women injure their health greatly by excess in this respect. On
+rising, all women should use some mode of cold or tepid bath; and,
+indeed, in this respect the practice of the present day is admirable;
+there is every facility for the bath. To some, the use of the
+shower-bath is deleterious, and to all inconvenient, and not likely to
+be resorted to except when positively ordered. Dr. Combe recommends for
+_general_ use the tepid or warm bath, as being much more suitable than
+the cold bath, 'especially in the winter for those who are not robust,
+and full of animal heat.' When the constitution is not sufficiently
+vigorous to ensure reaction after the cold bath, by producing a warm
+glow over the surface, 'its use,' observes the same admirable writer,
+'inevitably does harm.' But he enforces, that 'in order to promote a due
+exhalation from the skin, the warm, the tepid, or the shower-bath, as a
+means of preserving health, ought to be in as common use as a change of
+apparel, for it is equally a measure of necessary cleanliness.' He
+inclines to the use of the tepid bath, as likely to be the most
+generally efficacious.
+
+"I have known the most beneficial effects from a modification of this
+advice, namely, from using a sponging-bath, into which you pour a jug of
+warm water, and in which you stand, whilst you sponge the body and limbs
+profusely with cold water. A strong friction should be employed after
+this process, either with horsehair gloves or with a large coarse towel,
+and few persons will find the use of the sponging-bath disagree with
+them when thus employed. It is, indeed, incredible, when we consider the
+importance of the exhalation performed by the skin, to what extent
+ablution is neglected, not only, as Dr. Combe specifies, in charitable
+institutions and seminaries for the young, but by ladies, in ordinary
+circumstances, to whom the use of the bath could be productive of no
+inconvenience. In nervous complaints, which are more or less the
+besetting evil of womankind, the bath, in its various forms, becomes an
+invaluable aid.
+
+"In the formation of those habits which are necessary for the
+preservation of health, another circumstance, which, from its importance
+to health, cannot be deemed trifling should be mentioned. It is a
+general practice that beds should be made as soon as the occupants have
+left their rooms, and before the air has been freely admitted to play
+upon the recent depositary of the human frame; but this should be
+avoided. The bed-linen and blankets should be taken off, and the windows
+opened, so that, for an hour or more, a thorough ventilation should be
+procured.
+
+"Upon another point, the inconsistency and mental blindness of women are
+almost inconceivable--the insufficiency of their dress to resist the
+attacks of our variable climate. How few women clothe themselves like
+rational beings! Although, in latter years, they have wisely adopted the
+use of warm dresses, and, more especially, of the valuable Scottish
+plaid, yet how commonly they neglect the aid of flannel in preserving
+them not only from cold, but in securing a necessary circulation of
+vitality in the skin! 'The necessary effect of deficient circulation in
+the skin,' remarks Dr. Combe, 'is to throw a disproportionate mass of
+blood inwards; and when this condition exists, insufficient clothing
+perpetuates the evil, until internal disease is generated, and health is
+irrecoverably lost.' How common is the complaint among young women,
+especially those of sedentary habits, of chilliness, cold feet, and
+other symptoms of deficient circulation! and yet how impossible would it
+often be--for women are usually obstinate on this head--to induce them
+to exchange the thin silk stocking for a warm merino one, or to
+substitute a proper walking shoe for the paper-like articles which they
+designate by that name! Hence arise many diseases, which are, by
+insensible degrees, fostered in the system by the unequal distribution
+of the blood oppressing the internal organs. The habitual tendency to
+that chilliness which has been referred to should never be disregarded,
+'laying, as it does,' says Dr. Combe, 'the foundation of tubercles in
+the lungs, and other maladies, which show themselves only when arrived
+at an incurable stage.' 'All those who value health, and have common
+sense, will therefore take warning from signs like these, and never rest
+until equilibrium of action be restored.' Warm clothing, exercise in the
+open air, sponging with tepid water and vinegar, or the warm bath, the
+use of a flesh-brush or hair-glove, are adapted to remedy these serious
+and threatening evils.
+
+"But, whilst insufficiency of clothing is to be deprecated, excessive
+wrapping up should also be avoided. Great differences exist between the
+power of generating heat and resisting cold in individuals, and it is
+therefore impossible to prescribe general rules upon the subject of
+clothing. The best maxim is, not to dress in an invariable way in all
+cases, but to put on clothing sufficient in the individual case, to
+protect the body effectively against the sensation of cold.[C]
+
+[C] Dr. Combe.
+
+"The insufficiency of warmth in the clothing of females constitutes only
+one part of its injurious effects. The tightness of dress obstructs the
+insensible perspiration hurtfully, and produces an irregular
+circulation. Every part and function of the human frame are linked
+together so closely, that we cannot act wrongly towards one organ
+without all suffering, nor act rightly without all sharing the benefit
+of our judgment and good sense.
+
+"The mischief arising from cold or wet feet is admitted by all persons
+who have given the subject of health even the most casual consideration.
+In conversing with very aged people, you will generally find a disregard
+of diet, and very different notions and practices upon the subject of
+exercise and ablution; but they all agree in the necessity of keeping
+the feet dry. I remember inquiring of a venerable clergyman, who, up to
+the age of ninety-six, had enjoyed a fair proportion of health, after a
+youth of delicacy. I asked him what system he pursued. 'Now,' was his
+reply, 'I never took much care what I ate; I have always been temperate.
+I never minded the weather; but I always took care to keep my feet dry
+and well shod.' Wet and damp are, indeed, more unwholsome when applied
+to the feet than when they affect other parts; 'because they receive a
+greater supply of blood to carry on a high degree of perspiration, and
+because their distance from the heart, or centre of circulation,
+diminishes the force with which this is carried on, and thus leaves them
+more susceptible from external causes.'[D]
+
+[D] Dr. Combe.
+
+"God, in his infinite benevolence, has given to his creatures other
+means of acquiring a healthy warmth than by clothing; he has endowed us
+with the power of exercise--that blessing which women of weak judgment
+and indolent natures are so prone to neglect and disparage. Most ladies
+appear to think that the privilege of walking is only intended for
+persons of inferior condition. They busy themselves, in their in-door
+occupations all the morning, take a hearty luncheon, and drive out in
+their carriages until dinner-time. It is partly owing to such customs
+as these that a rapid deterioration takes place in the physical state of
+our sex, in their looks, and in their power of utility, and enjoyment of
+happiness. God never intended us to be inactive.
+
+"The chief purpose of the muscles with which we are endowed, is to
+enable us to carry into effect the volitions of the mind; and, whilst
+fulfilling this grand object, the active exercise of the muscles is
+conducive to the well-being of many other important functions. The
+processes of digestion, respiration, secretion, absorption, and
+nutrition, are promoted, and the healthful condition of the whole body
+influenced. The mind also is depressed or exhilarated by the proper or
+improper use of muscular exercise; for man is intended for a life of
+activity: nor can his functions ever go on so properly as when he duly
+exercises those organs with which Nature has endowed him. The evils
+arising from want of exercise are numerous:--the circulation, from the
+absence of due stimulus, becomes languid, the appetite and digestion are
+weakened, the respiration is imperfect, and the blood becomes so
+ill-conditioned, that when distributed through the body it is inadequate
+to communicate the necessary stimulus to healthy and vigorous action.
+These points being established, it now becomes a consideration in what
+mode, or at what periods, ladies, in society, can most advantageously
+avail themselves of that privilege which is granted to so many, denied,
+comparatively, to so few.
+
+"Much is said on the benefits of walking before breakfast, and to a
+person in full vigor it may, there is no doubt, be highly salutary;
+whilst, to the delicate, it will prove more hurtful than beneficial,
+producing a sense of weariness which destroys all the future pleasures
+of the day. I am disposed to think, however, from observation, that
+walking before breakfast may be rendered beneficial almost to any one by
+degrees. Most persons walk too far the first day; they are proud of the
+effort, become, nevertheless, exhausted, and dare not repeat it. A first
+walk before breakfast should not exceed a quarter of a mile; it should
+be extended, very gradually, and, in delicate women, with great care,
+lest over-fatigue should ensue. It is, however, so valuable a habit,
+such a saving of time, so refreshing, so soothing, that many sacrifices
+of inclination should be made to procure it; in a gay season the
+freshness and seclusion of a morning's walk is peculiarly needed, and
+when it becomes so difficult to take exercise in the subsequent part of
+the day, the afternoon being too short, and the evening too much
+occupied. And the morning's walk, stolen from the hour given to a
+species of repose which seldom rests, may be, without the reproach of
+indolence, followed by the afternoon's siesta--a practice much to be
+commended, and greatly conducive to rest of nerves and invigoration of
+the frame, when used in moderation.
+
+"Exercise may be taken, by the robust, at any time, even after eating
+heartily, but the delicate ought to avoid that risk; they should resort
+to it only when the frame is vigorous enough to bear it, and this is
+usually from one to four or five hours after eating. The morning is,
+therefore, the best time; but exercise ought not to be delayed until
+some degree of exhaustion has taken place from want of food, as in that
+case it dissipates rather than renovates the remaining strength, and
+impairs digestion. Exercise immediately before meals is therefore,
+unless very gentle, injurious; if it has been violent, before eating
+rest should intervene. 'Appetite,' says Dr. Combe, 'revives after
+repose.'
+
+"Of all modes of exercise, that which nature has bestowed upon us,
+walking, is decidedly the most salutary; and the prevailing system of
+substituting horse and carriage exercise almost entirely for it, is far
+from being advantageous to the present generation. Walking, which has
+for its aim some pleasing pursuit, and, therefore, animates the mind, is
+efficacious to the majority. Gardening, which is a modification of
+walking, offers many advantages both to the delicate and the strong, and
+it is a species of exercise which we can adjust to our powers. In a
+continued walk you must go on--you must return; there is no appeal, even
+if you have gone too far, and would willingly give up any further
+exertion. But, while gardening, you are still at home--your exertions
+are devoted to objects the most interesting, because progressive; hope
+and faith form a part of your stimulus. The happy future, when flowers
+shall bloom around you, supersedes in your thoughts the vexatious
+present or the mournful past. About you are the budding treasures of
+spring, or the gorgeous productions of summer, or the rich hues of those
+beauties which autumn pours forth most lavishly before it departs,--and
+is succeeded by winter. Above you are the gay warblers, who seem to hail
+you as you mingle in the sylvan scenes which are not all theirs, but
+which you share and appropriate. The ruffled temper, the harassed mind,
+may find a solace in the occupation of gardening, which aids the effect
+of exercise and the benign influence of fresh air. Stores of future and
+never-dying interest are buried in the earth with every seed, only to
+spring up again redoubled in their value. A lady, as a writer in the
+'Quarterly Review' observes, should 'not only _have_ but know her
+plants.' And her enjoyment of those delights is truly enhanced by that
+personal care, without which few gardens, however superintended by the
+scientific gardener, can prosper, and which bless as they thrive; her
+plants bestow health on the frame which is bowed down to train
+them--they give to her the blessing of a calm and rational
+pleasure--they relieve her from the necessity of excitement--they
+promote alike, in the wealthy and the poor, these gentle exertions which
+are coupled with the most poetical and the sweetest of associations.
+
+"Exercise on horseback is not equally attainable with the two modes
+which I have just specified; when it is, the accelerated circulation,
+the change of scene and of ideas, are highly beneficial. Where the lungs
+are weak, it is thought by the learned to possess a great advantage over
+walking, as it does not hurry the breathing. The gentleness of the
+exercise enables a delicate person to enjoy the advantage of open air
+and motion for a much longer period than could be endured in the action
+of walking. From the tendency of horse exercise to equalize the
+circulation and stimulate the skin, it is invaluable, too, for the
+nervous and dyspeptic portion of young women, among whom, unhappily,
+such complaints are but too prevalent.
+
+"Dancing, which is the most frequent mode of exercise with ladies in
+great cities, practiced, as it is, in heated rooms, and exhausting from
+its violence, often does more harm than good, from producing languor and
+over-fatigue. Unhappily there are but few modes of exercise in-doors
+adapted for women. If, from any circumstances, they are confined to
+their homes, and they become feverish and languid from want of exercise,
+it never occurs to them to throw open the windows and to walk about, or
+to make use of battledore and shuttlecock, or any other mode of
+exertion. They continue sitting, reading, or walking, or lounging, or
+sleeping, or gossiping,--whilst the bloom of health is rapidly giving
+place to the wanness and debility of the imprisoned frame.
+
+"It is often the custom of young women to declare that they cannot walk,
+sometimes from indolence, no doubt, and want of habit, occasionally from
+real inability. But if we investigate the causes of this real inability,
+we shall often find it to proceed from an improper choice of time in
+taking exercise, or from a defective judgment in the manner of taking
+it. Many women exhaust and fatigue themselves with the duties of their
+house, and by a thousand trying occupations, including that which forms
+a serious item in the day's work, namely, running up and down stairs,
+and then discover that they cannot walk. Others go to extremes, and walk
+for a certain distance, whether they feel fatigued or not by such
+exertions. 'It is only,' observes Dr. Combe, 'by a diffusion of the laws
+of exercise as a part of useful education, that individuals can be
+enabled to avoid such mistakes,' To be beneficial, exercise should
+always be proportioned to the strength and to the constitution of an
+individual. When it causes extreme fatigue or exhaustion, it is
+hurtful; it ought to be resumed always after a period of rest, and
+adopted regularly, not, as too many persons are in the habit of doing,
+once in four or five days. The average walk which a young woman in good
+health and in ordinary circumstances, may take, without undue and
+injurious fatigue, is from four to five miles a-day. From this rule I
+except the _very_ young. It has been found by experience that until
+twenty-two or three the strength is not completely matured. The rate of
+mortality, as it has been proved by statistical tables, increases in all
+classes of society from fourteen until the age of twenty-three, when it
+begins to decrease.
+
+"Another precaution which I would recommend to those who have the
+regulation of families under their care, relates to the subject of
+ventilation. The heated state of our rooms in ordinary occupation is one
+great source of all those mischiefs which arise from catching cold, a
+subject on which Mr. Abernethy was wont to declare, that 'a very useful
+book might be written.' There are some houses into which one can never
+enter with impunity, from the want of due ventilation. Housemaids, more
+especially, have an insupportable objection to opening windows, on
+account of the dust which flies in and settles upon the furniture. This
+evil--for the soiling of furniture certainly may be called an evil--may
+easily be obviated by fastening a muslin blind against the open window,
+or by pinning a large piece of coarse muslin against it, so that the
+dusty particles will be excluded.
+
+"Generally our ordinary sitting-rooms are tolerably well ventilated by
+the opening and shutting of doors, the size of the fire-place, &c., but
+in our bed-rooms the vitiation of the air is far greater, owing to these
+rooms being wholly closed during the seven or eight hours in which we
+sleep in them, and, also, owing to the mass of curtains with which we
+usually take care to surround our beds. In this respect we are, indeed,
+improved, by the introduction of French bedsteads, which are among the
+most valuable of modern suggestions. But, notwithstanding this
+improvement, and many others which reflection and science have
+contributed to introduce, we incur much suffering from our ignorance and
+prejudice on the subject of ventilation. For generations, society has
+experienced the evil effects of the want of ventilation, and has felt in
+towns its results in the form of fevers, general ill-health, cutaneous
+and nervous diseases; and yet the most direful ignorance continues on
+this subject. Hospitals are among the few well-ventilated buildings
+which are erected, because an idea prevails that ventilation is
+essential for the sick, but it seems to have been forgotten that what is
+essential for the recovery of health is equally necessary for its
+preservation. 'Were,' says Dr. Combe, 'a general knowledge of the
+structure of man to constitute a regular part of a liberal education,
+such inconsistencies as this would soon disappear, and the scientific
+architect would speedily devise the best means for supplying our houses
+with pure air, as he has already supplied them with pure water.'"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVI.
+
+MISCELLANEOUS.
+
+
+There are many little pieces of rudeness, only too common, which, while
+they evince ill-breeding, and are many of them extremely annoying, yet
+they are met with every day, and in persons otherwise well-bred.
+
+As they come under no particular head, they will merely be mentioned
+here, as habits carefully to avoid.
+
+It is rude to look over the shoulder of a person who is either reading
+or writing, yet it is done every day.
+
+To stand with the arms a-kimbo, the hands on the hips, or with the arms
+crossed, while conversing, is exceedingly unlady-like.
+
+Avoid restless movements either with the hands, or feet; to sit
+perfectly quiet, without stiffness, easily, yet at the same time almost
+motionless, is one of the surest proofs of high-breeding.
+
+If you wish to make yourself agreeable to any one, talk as much as you
+please about his or her affairs, and as little as possible about your
+own.
+
+Avoid passing before persons seated in the same room with yourself. If
+you must rise to move from place to place, endeavor to pass behind the
+chairs of your companions. Above all, never pass between two persons
+who are conversing together.
+
+Avoid personal remarks; they evince a want of judgment, good taste,
+kindness, and politeness. To exchange glances or significant smiles with
+a third person, whilst engaged in a conversation with a second, is a
+proof of low-breeding. Suppressed laughter, shrugging of the shoulders,
+rolling of the eyes, and significant glances are all marks of
+ill-breeding.
+
+If you meet a gentleman at the foot of a flight of stairs, do not go up
+before him. Stop, bow, and motion to him to precede you. He will return
+your bow, and run up, leaving you to follow him.
+
+Never whisper, or make any confidential communication in company. Keep
+private remarks for private occasions.
+
+Accepting presents from gentlemen is a dangerous thing. It is better to
+avoid any such obligations, and, if you make it a rule _never_ to accept
+such presents, you will avoid hurting any one's feelings, and save
+yourself from all further perplexity.
+
+In meeting your elderly friends in the street, look at them long enough
+to give them an opportunity of recognizing you; and if they do so,
+return their salutations respectfully, not with the familiar nod you
+would give to one of your own age.
+
+Never remain seated, whilst a person older than yourself is standing
+before you, talking to you.
+
+Never lounge on a sofa, while there are those in the room, whose years
+give them a better claim to this sort of indulgence.
+
+Never tease a person to do what she has once declined.
+
+Never refuse a request or invitation in order to be urged, and accept
+afterwards. Comply at once. If the request is sincere, you will thus
+afford gratification; if not, the individual making it deserves to be
+punished for insincerity, by being taken at her word.
+
+It is not polite when asked what part of a dish you will have, to say,
+"Any part--it is quite indifferent to me;" it is hard enough to carve
+for one's friends, without choosing for them.
+
+It is not polite to entertain a visitor with your own family history, or
+the events of your own household.
+
+It is not polite for married ladies to talk, in the presence of
+gentlemen, of the difficulty they have in procuring domestics, and how
+good-for-nothing they are when procured.
+
+It is not polite to put food upon the plate of a guest without asking
+leave, or to press her to eat more than she wants.
+
+It is not polite to stare under ladies' bonnets, as if you suspected
+they had stolen the linings from you, or wore something that was not
+their own.
+
+Never affect a foolish reserve in a mixed company, keeping aloof from
+others as if in a state of mental abstraction. If your brain is so full
+and so busy that you cannot attend to the little civilities, cheerful
+chit-chat, and light amusements of society, keep out of it.
+
+Never read in company. You may open a book to look over the engravings,
+if you will, but do not attend to the letter-press until you are alone.
+
+Never jest upon serious subjects. Avoid scandal. If another person
+attempts to open a conversation upon scandalous matters, check her. Say
+gravely that it is painful for you to hear of the faults or misfortunes
+of others, where your counsel and assistance can be of no service.
+
+Many persons, whose tongues never utter a scandalous word, will, by a
+significant glance, a shrug of the shoulders, a sneer, or curl of the
+lip, really make more mischief, and suggest harder thoughts than if they
+used the severest language. This is utterly detestable. If you have your
+tongue under perfect control, you can also control your looks, and you
+are cowardly, contemptible, and wicked, when you encourage and
+countenance slander by a look or gesture.
+
+Never speak of gentlemen by their first name unless you are related to
+them. It is very unlady-like to use the surname, without the prefix, Mr.
+To hear a lady speak of Smith, Brown, Anderson, instead of Mr. Anderson
+or Mr. Smith sounds extremely vulgar, and is a mark of low breeding.
+
+Avoid eccentricity either in dress, conversation, or manner. It is a
+form of vanity, as it will attract attention, and is therefore in bad
+taste.
+
+Never act as if in a hurry. Ease of action need not imply laziness, but
+simply polite self-possession.
+
+Never laugh at your own wit. That is the part of those who hear you, and
+if you take their duty from them, they may omit to join you in your
+laugh.
+
+Do not indulge in ridicule. It is coarse and unlady-like as well as
+unfeeling. Like every other personality, it should be carefully avoided.
+
+Never handle any ornament or article of furniture in the room in which
+you are a visitor.
+
+Do not lean your head against the wall. You leave an indelible mark upon
+the paper, or, if the wall is whitewashed, you give your hair a dingy,
+dusty look, by bringing it into contact with the lime.
+
+Never lean forward upon a table. Let neither hands nor arms rest there
+heavily.
+
+To bestow flattery upon a person to his face, betrays a want of
+delicacy; yet, not less so, rudely to rebuke his errors or mention his
+faults, and not have a tender regard for his feelings. It is not
+improper, and may sometimes be very kind to mention to an individual
+what yourself and others think of his conduct or performances, when it
+is for his interest or usefulness to know it. To express to a friend
+deserved approbation is generally proper.
+
+Nothing but a quick perception of the feelings of others, and a ready
+sympathy with them, can regulate the thousand little proprieties that
+belong to visits of condolence and congratulation. There is one hint,
+however, as regards the former, which may perhaps be useful, and that
+is, not to touch upon the cause of affliction, unless the mourner leads
+the way to it; and if a painful effort is made to appear cheerful, and
+to keep aloof from the subject, do not make the slightest allusion that
+could increase this feeling.
+
+When at table to _press_ your guests to take more than they have
+inclination for, is antiquated and rude. This does not, however,
+prevent your recommending particular dishes to their attention.
+Everything like compulsion is quite exploded.
+
+It is a great mistake to suppose that the best music is the most
+difficult of execution. The very reverse, generally speaking, is the
+case. Music of a high order certainly demands high gifts and attainments
+on the part of the performer. But the gifts of nature may be possessed
+by the amateur as well as by the professor; and the attainments of art
+may be the result of moderate study and application. A young lady
+possessed of a sweet and tunable voice, a good ear, intelligence, and
+feeling, may cultivate music in its grandest and most beautiful forms,
+and may render its practice a source of the purest enjoyment, not only
+to herself but to her domestic and social circle.
+
+The various ceremonies observed in refined society are very useful in
+settling little points, on which there might otherwise be much doubt and
+perplexity; but they should never be so strenuously insisted upon as to
+make an accidental omission of them a ground of resentment, and an
+apology should always be accepted in their place.
+
+Your enjoyment of a party depends far less on what you find there, than
+on what you carry with you. The vain, the ambitious, the designing, will
+be full of anxiety when they go, and of disappointment when they return.
+A short triumph will be followed by a deep mortification, and the
+selfishness of their aims defeats itself. If you go to see, and to hear,
+and to make the best of whatever occurs, with a disposition to admire
+all that is beautiful, and to sympathize in the pleasures of others, you
+can hardly fail to spend the time pleasantly. The less you think of
+yourself and your claims to attention, the better. If you are much
+attended to, receive it modestly, and consider it as a happy accident;
+if you are little noticed, use your leisure in observing others.
+
+It were unjust and ungrateful to conceive that the amusements of life
+are altogether forbidden by its beneficent Author. They serve, on the
+contrary, important purposes in the economy of human life, and are
+destined to produce important effects both upon our happiness and
+character. They are, in the first place, in the language of the
+Psalmist, "the wells of the desert;" the kind resting-places in which
+toil may relax, in which the weary spirit may recover its tone, and
+where the desponding mind may resume its strength and its hopes. It is
+not, therefore, the use of the innocent amusements of life which is
+dangerous, but the abuse of them; it is not when they are occasionally,
+but when they are constantly pursued; and when, from being an occasional
+indulgence, it becomes an habitual desire.
+
+Women in the middle rank are brought up with the idea that if they
+engage in some occupations, they shall lose "their position in society."
+Suppose it to be so; surely it is wiser to quit a position we cannot
+honestly maintain, than to live dependent upon the bounty and caprice of
+others; better to labor with our hands, than eat the bread of idleness;
+or submit to feel that we must not give utterance to our real opinions,
+or express our honest indignation at being required to act a base or
+unworthy part. And in all cases, however situated, every female ought to
+learn how all household affairs are managed, were it only for the
+purpose of being able to direct others. There cannot be any disgrace in
+learning how to make the bread we eat, to cook our dinners, to mend our
+clothes, or even to clean the house. Better to be found busily engaged
+in removing the dust from the furniture, than to let it accumulate there
+until a visitor leaves palpable traces where his hat or his arm have
+been laid upon a table.
+
+Never put temptation in a servant's way; never be severe for trifling
+offences, such as accidentally breaking anything, but reserve your
+severity for those offences which are moral evils, such as a want of
+truth, general laxity of principle, &c. The orders given to servants
+should be clear and definite; and they should be trained as much as
+possible to perform their duties regularly, so that every morning they
+may know pretty nearly what will be expected of them during the day. It
+is a great point to live, when you are alone, as if you expected
+company; that is to say, to have everything so neat and orderly that you
+need not be ashamed of any one seeing your table. It is very little more
+trouble, and certainly no more expense; and the advantages in point of
+comfort are unspeakable.
+
+If a foolish girl, by dint of squeezing and bracing with busk and bones,
+secures the conventional beauty of a wasp waist, she is tolerably
+certain to gain an addition she by no means bargained for, a _red nose_,
+which, in numberless instances, is produced by no other cause than the
+unnatural girth, obstructing circulation, and causing stagnation of the
+blood, in that prominent and important feature. Often, in assemblages of
+the fair, we have seen noses faultless in form, but tinged with the
+abhorred hue, to which washes and cosmetics have been applied in wild
+despair; but in vain! If the lovely owners had known the cause, how
+speedily the effect would have vanished! for surely the most perverse
+admirer of a distorted spine and compressed lungs, would deem the
+acquisition of a dram-drinker's nose, too heavy a condition to be
+complied with.
+
+A well-bred woman will not demand as a right what she may have a claim
+to expect from the politeness of the other sex, nor show dissatisfaction
+and resentment if she fancies herself neglected. For want of good
+breeding some females are exorbitant in their expectations, and appear
+unthankful even when everything is done which true politeness demands.
+Young women should guard against this unamiable defect.
+
+A well-bred person will take care not to use slang words and
+expressions. There never has been a time, at least in late years, when
+there have not been some two or three cant vulgarisms in vogue among all
+the blackguards of the country. Sometimes these phrases have been caught
+up from some popular song or farce; sometimes, we believe, they have had
+their origin "where assembles the collective wisdom of the country." A
+dozen of these terse but meaningless sayings now dance before our
+recollection, for who has not heard them, even to loathing? But from
+whatever source they may have been drawn, or whatever wit there might be
+in their original position, the obtrusion of them into decent society is
+an unwarrantable piece of impertinence.
+
+A habit of inserting into familiar conversation such phrases as "You
+know," "You perceive," "You understand," "Says he," "Says she," is, so
+far as those matters extend, a sign of a want of good breeding.
+
+With regard to any specific rules for dressing, we do not pretend to
+arbitrate in such matters. Let a true sense of propriety, of the fitness
+of things, regulate all your habits of living and dressing, and it will
+produce such a beautiful harmony and consistency of character as will
+throw a charm around you that all will feel, though few may comprehend.
+Always consider well whether the articles of dress, which you wish to
+purchase, are suited to your age, your condition, your means; to the
+climate, to the particular use to which you mean to put them; and let
+the principles of good taste keep you from the extremes of the fashion,
+and regulate the form, so as to combine utility and beauty, whilst the
+known rules of harmony in colors save you from shocking the eye of the
+artist by incongruous mixtures.
+
+"Manners," says the eloquent Edmund Burke, "are of more importance than
+laws. Upon them, in a great measure, the laws depend. The law can touch
+us here and there, now and then. Manners are what vex or sooth, corrupt
+or purify, exalt or debase, barbarise or refine, by a constant, steady,
+uniform, insensible operation, like that of the air we breathe in. They
+give their whole form and colors to our lives. According to their
+quality they aid morals, they supply them, or they totally destroy
+them."
+
+
+FOUR IMPORTANT RULES.
+
+"Order is heaven's first law."
+
+1. A suitable place for everything, and everything in its place.
+
+2. A proper time for everything, and everything done in its time.
+
+3. A distinct name for everything, and everything called by its name.
+
+4. A certain use for everything, and everything put to its use.
+
+Much time would be saved; many disputes avoided; numerous articles kept
+from being lost or injured, and constant confusion and disorder
+prevented, by the strict observance of these four important rules.
+
+Dispense with ornaments altogether rather than wear mock jewelry.
+
+Depend upon it, silvery hair is better adapted to the faded cheeks of
+middle age, than are tresses of nut-brown or coal-black, or any of the
+mysterious shades produced by a dirty decoction called Hair-dye.
+
+The habitual use of very thin shoes invariably makes the feet tender,
+and a host of other inconveniences arise therefrom. If you are tempted
+to purchase tight shoes, don't, for several reasons; but one may
+suffice--you will not wear them more than twice.
+
+If you are not quite certain of the line between neatness and the
+reverse, be over-scrupulous about your under garments. The edge of a
+soiled petticoat, or the glimpse of a rent stocking is singularly
+disenchanting.
+
+Men of sense--I speak not of boys of eighteen to five and twenty,
+during their age of detestability--men who are worth the trouble of
+falling in love with, and the fuss and inconvenience, of being married
+to, and to whom one might, after some inward conflicts, and a course
+perhaps of fasting and self-humiliation, submit to fulfil those
+ill-contrived vows of obedience which are exacted at the altar, such men
+want, for their wives, companions, not dolls; and women who would suit
+such men are just as capable of loving fervently, deeply, as the
+Ringlettina, full of song and sentiment, who cannot walk, cannot rise in
+the morning, cannot tie her bonnet-strings, faints if she has to lace
+her boots, never in her life brushed out her beautiful hair, would not
+for the world prick her delicate finger with plain sewing; but who can
+work harder than a factory girl upon a lamb's-wool shepherdess, dance
+like a dervise at balls, ride like a fox-hunter, and, whilst every
+breath of air gives her cold in her father's house, and she cannot think
+how people can endure this climate, she can go out to parties in
+February and March, with an inch of sleeve and half-a-quarter of
+boddice.
+
+All circumstances well examined, there can be no doubt Providence has
+willed that man should be the head of the human race, even as woman is
+its heart; that he should be its strength, as she is its solace; that he
+should be its wisdom, as she is its grace; that he should be its mind,
+its impetus, and its courage, as she is its sentiment, its charm, and
+its consolation. Too great an amelioration could not be effected, in our
+opinion, in the system generally adopted, which, far from correcting or
+even compensating the presumed intellectual inequality of the two
+sexes, generally serves only to increase it. By placing, for example,
+dancing and needle-work at the extreme poles of female study, the one
+for its attraction and the other for its utility, and by not filling the
+immense interval with anything more valuable than mere monotonous,
+imperfect, superficial, and totally unphilosophical notions, this system
+has made of the greater number of female seminaries, establishments
+which may be compared alike to nursery-grounds for coquettes and
+sempstresses. It is never remembered that in domestic life conversation
+is of more importance than the needle or choregraphy; that a husband is
+neither a pacha nor a lazzarone, who must be perpetually intoxicated or
+unceasingly patched; that there are upon the conjugal dial many long
+hours of calm intimacy, of cool contemplation, of cold tenderness; and
+that the husband makes another home elsewhere if his own hearth offers
+him only silence; or what is a hundred times worse, merely frivolous and
+monotonous discourse. Let the woman play the gossip at a given moment,
+that is all very well; let her superintend the laundry or the kitchen at
+another, that is also very well; but these duties only comprise
+two-thirds of her mission. Ought care not to be taken that during the
+rest of her time she could also be capable of becoming to her husband a
+rational friend, a cheerful partner, an interesting companion, or, at
+least, an efficient listener, whose natural intelligence, even if
+originally inferior to his own, shall, by the help of education, have
+been raised to the same level!
+
+Pascal says: "Kind words do not cost much. They never blister the tongue
+or lips. And we have never heard of any mental trouble arising from
+this quarter. Though they do not cost much. 1. They help one's own good
+nature. Soft words soften our own soul. Angry words are fuel to the
+flame of wrath, and make it blaze more fiercely. 2. Kind words make
+other people good natured. Cold words freeze people, and hot words
+scorch them, and bitter words make them bitter, and wrathful words make
+them wrathful. There is such a rush of all other kinds of words in our
+days, that it seems desirable to give kind words a change among them.
+There are vain words, and idle words, and hasty words, and spiteful
+words, and silly words, and empty words, and profane words, and
+boisterous words, and warlike words. Kind words also produce their own
+image on men's souls. And a beautiful image it is. They smooth, and
+quiet, and comfort the hearer. They shame him out of his sour, morose,
+unkind feelings. We have not yet begun to use kind words in such
+abundance as they ought to be used."
+
+A writer in the New York Observer, speaking of the necessity of guarding
+the tongue, says:--
+
+"It is always well to avoid saying everything that is improper; but it
+is especially so before children. And here parents, as well as others,
+are often in fault. Children have as many ears as grown persons, and
+they are generally more attentive to what is said before them. What they
+hear, they are very apt to repeat; and, as they have no discretion, and
+not sufficient knowledge of the world to disguise anything, it is
+generally found that 'children and fools speak the truth.' See that
+boy's eyes glisten while you are speaking of a neighbor in a language
+you would not wish to have repeated. He does not fully understand what
+you mean, but he will remember every word; and it will be strange if he
+does not cause you to blush by the repetition.
+
+"A gentleman was in the habit of calling at a neighbor's house, and the
+lady had always expressed to him great pleasure from his calls. One day,
+just after she had remarked to him, as usual, her happiness from his
+visit, her little boy entered the room. The gentleman took him on his
+knee, and asked, 'Are you not glad to see me, George?' 'No, sir,'
+replied the boy. 'Why not, my little man?' he continued. 'Because mother
+don't want you to come,' said George. 'Indeed! how do you know that,
+George?' Here the mother became crimson, and looked daggers at her
+little son. But he saw nothing, and therefore replied, 'Because, she
+said yesterday, she wished that old bore would not call here again.'
+That was enough. The gentleman's hat was soon in requisition, and he
+left with the impression that 'great is the truth, and it will prevail.'
+
+"Another little child looked sharply in the face of a visitor, and being
+asked what she meant by it, replied, 'I wanted to see if you had a drop
+in your eye; I heard mother say you had frequently.'
+
+"A boy once asked one of his father's guests who it was that lived next
+door to him, and when he heard his name, inquired if he was not a fool.
+'No, my little friend,' replied the guest, 'he is not a fool, but a very
+sensible man. But why did you ask that question?' 'Because,' replied the
+boy, 'mother said the other day, that you were next door to a fool; and
+I wanted to know who lived next door to you.'"
+
+The best way to overcome the selfishness and rudeness you sometimes meet
+with on public occasions, is, by great politeness and disinterestedness
+on your part; overcome evil with good, and you will satisfy your own
+conscience, and, perhaps, touch theirs. Contending for your rights stirs
+up the selfish feelings in others; but a readiness to yield them awakens
+generous sentiments, and leads to mutual accommodation. The more refined
+you are, and the greater have been your advantages, the more polite and
+considerate you should be toward others, the more ready to give place to
+some poor, uneducated girl, who knows no better than to push herself
+directly in your way.
+
+Politeness is as necessary to a happy intercourse with the inhabitants
+of the kitchen, as with those of the parlor; it lessens the pains of
+service, promotes kind feelings on both sides, and checks unbecoming
+familiarity; always thank them for what they do for you, and always ask
+rather than command their services.
+
+Of late years, the wearing of jewelry, in season and out of season, both
+by matrons and unmarried females, has increased vastly. It is an
+indication that the growing wealth of the people is not accompanied by a
+corresponding refinement; but that the love of vulgar show, the low
+pride of ostentation, takes the place of a pure and elevated taste. The
+emulation with fashionable dames, now-a-days, so far from being, as with
+the Spartan women, to excel each other in household virtues, is to wear
+the largest diamonds. And, in this ambition, they forget fitness,
+beauty, taste, everything but the mere vulgar desire to shine. To be
+gracefully and elegantly attired, in short, is secondary to the desire
+to be a sort of jeweler's walking show-card. We do not oppose the use of
+diamonds and pearls altogether, as some persons might imagine from these
+remarks. A few diamonds, judiciously worn, look well, on proper
+occasions, on married women. But young girls rarely, or never, improve
+their appearance by the use of these dazzling jewels; and, as a general
+rule, the simpler the costume of a woman in her teens, the better. Women
+are usually pretty, up to the age of twenty, at least. Consequently, at
+this period of life, there are few whom an elaborate attire does not
+injure; a simple dress, or a rose-bud in the hair, is frequently all
+that is required; and more only spoils that combination of youthfulness,
+grace, and modesty, which it should be the highest ambition of the girl
+to attain; because, if she did but know it, it is her highest charm.
+Instead of this, however, we see gay females, scarcely freed from the
+nursery, wearing enormous jeweled ear-drops, or sporting on the finger,
+a diamond ring as large as a sixpence. Sometimes, too, ladies pretending
+to be well-bred, descend to receive a morning visitor of their own sex,
+glittering like a jeweler's case, with costly gems. In all this, we
+repeat, there is neither refinement nor elegance, but simply vulgar
+ostentation. Female dress has ceased to be a means of beautifying the
+person or displaying the wearer's taste, and has become instead, a mere
+brag of the husband's or father's wealth.
+
+A knowledge of domestic duties is beyond all price to a woman. Every
+one of the sex ought to know how to sew, and knit, and mend, and cook,
+and superintend a household. In every situation of life, high or low,
+this sort of knowledge is of great advantage. There is no necessity that
+the gaining of such information should interfere with intellectual
+acquirement or even elegant accomplishment. A well-regulated mind can
+find time to attend to all. When a girl is nine or ten years old, she
+should be accustomed to take some regular share in household duties, and
+to feel responsible for the manner in which her part is performed--such
+as her own mending, washing the cups and putting them in place, cleaning
+silver, or dusting and arranging the parlor. This should not be done
+occasionally, and neglected whenever she finds it convenient--she should
+consider it her department. When older than twelve, girls should begin
+to take turns in superintending the household--making puddings, pies,
+cakes, &c. To learn effectually, they should actually do these
+themselves, and not stand by and see others do them. Many a husband has
+been ruined for want of these domestic qualities in a wife--and many a
+husband has been saved from ruin by his wife being able to manage well
+the household concerns.
+
+It is a mark, not only of ill-breeding, but of positive want of feeling
+and judgment, to speak disparagingly of a physician to one of his
+patients. Many persons, visiting an invalid friend, will exclaim loudly
+against the treatment pursued, recommend a different doctor, and add to
+the sufferings of the patient by their injudicious remarks upon the
+medicines or practice used.
+
+It is too much the fashion, in conversation, to use exaggerated
+expressions which are opposed to _truth_, without the person employing
+them being aware of it, from the mere force of habit. Why need we say
+splendid for pretty, magnificent for handsome, horrid for unpleasant,
+immense for large, thousands, or myriads, for any number more than two?
+This practice is pernicious, for the effect is to deprive the person who
+is guilty of it, from being believed, when she is in earnest. No one can
+trust the testimony of an individual who, in common conversation, is
+indifferent to the import, and regardless of the value of words.
+
+Politeness is very essential to the right transaction of that great
+business of woman's life, _shopping_. The variety afforded by the shops
+of a city renders people difficult to please; and the latitude they take
+in examining and asking the price of goods, which they have no thought
+of buying, is so trying to the patience of those who attend upon them,
+that nothing but the most perfect courtesy of demeanor can reconcile
+them to it. Some persons behave, in shopping, as if no one had any
+rights, or any feelings, but the purchasers; as if the sellers of goods
+were mere automatons, put behind the counter to do their bidding; they
+keep them waiting, whilst they talk of other things, with a friend; they
+call for various goods, ask the price, and try to cheapen them, without
+any real intention of buying. A lady who wants decision of character,
+after hesitating and debating, till the poor trader's patience is almost
+exhausted, will beg him to send the article to her house, for her to
+examine it there; and, after giving him all this trouble, she will
+refuse to purchase it, without any scruple or apology. Some think they
+have a right to exchange articles at the place where they were bought;
+whereas that privilege should be asked as a favor, only by a good
+customer,--and then but rarely.
+
+
+
+
+RECEIPTS.
+
+
+FOR THE COMPLEXION.
+
+COLD CREAM, 1.--Take 2-1/2 ounces of sweet oil of almonds, 3 drachms of
+white wax, and the same of spermaceti, 2-1/2 ounces of rose-water, 1
+drachm of oil of bergamot, and 15 drops each of oil of lavender, and
+otto of roses. Melt the wax and spermaceti in the oil of almonds, by
+placing them together in a jar, which should be plunged into boiling
+water. Heat a mortar (which should, if possible, be _marble_) by pouring
+boiling water into it, and letting it remain there until the mortar is
+uniformly heated; the water is to be poured away, and the mortar dried
+well. Pour the melted wax and spermaceti into the warm mortar, and add
+rose-water gradually, while the mixture is constantly stirred or whisked
+with an egg-whisp, until the whole is cold, and, when nearly finished,
+add the oils and otto of roses.
+
+In the absence of a mortar, a basin plunged into another containing
+boiling water will answer the purpose.
+
+COLD CREAM, 2.--Take 10 drachms of spermaceti, 4 drachms of white wax,
+half a pound of prepared lard, 15 grains of subcarbonate of potash, 4
+ounces of rose-water, 2 ounces of spirits of wine, and ten drops of otto
+of roses.
+
+Proceed as above. Some persons prefer orange-flower-water instead of
+rose-water, in which case use the same proportions.
+
+Cold cream is a useful local application to hard and dry parts of the
+skin, to abrasions and cracks. When spread thickly upon rag, it is an
+excellent application to blistered surfaces or burns, or may be used to
+protect exposed parts from the influence of the sun.
+
+GRANULATED COLD CREAM.--Take white wax and spermaceti, of each one
+ounce; almond oil 3 ounces, otto of rose, as much as you please.
+Dissolve the wax and spermaceti in the almond oil, by means of heat, and
+when a little cool, pour the mixture into a large wedgwood mortar
+previously warmed, and containing about a pint of warm water. Stir
+briskly until the cream is well divided, add the otto, and _suddenly_
+pour the whole into a clean vessel containing 8 or 12 pints of _cold
+water_. Separate the cream by straining through muslin, and shake out as
+much water as possible.
+
+WHITE CAMPHORATED OINTMENT, 1.--Take 3 ounces 2 drachms of powdered
+carbonate of lead (cerussa), 45 grains of powdered camphor. Mix, and
+then stir into 5 ounces of melted lard.
+
+This is applied to burns and contusions with very good effect, and is
+much used in Austria. The surface must not be abraded when it is
+applied.
+
+WHITE CAMPHORATED OINTMENT, 2.--Take 4 ounces of olive oil, 1 ounce of
+white wax, 22 grains of camphor, and 6 drachms of spermaceti. Melt the
+wax and spermaceti with the oil, and when they have cooled rub the
+ointment with the camphor, dissolved in a little oil. Sometimes the
+white wax is omitted, and lard substituted for it.
+
+It is useful in chaps, fissures, abrasions, and roughness of the skin.
+
+PITCH POMADE, 1.--Take 1 drachm of pitch, and 1 ounce of lard. Mix well,
+and apply twice a day to the affected parts.
+
+This is used for ringworm, and scald head.
+
+TO SOFTEN THE SKIN, AND IMPROVE THE COMPLEXION.--If flowers of sulphur
+be mixed in a little milk, and, after standing an hour or two, the milk
+(without disturbing the sulphur) be rubbed into the skin, it will keep
+it soft, and make the complexion clear. It is to be used before washing.
+
+TO REMOVE BLACK STAINS FROM THE SKIN.--Ladies that wear mourning in warm
+weather are much incommoded by the blackness it leaves on the arms and
+neck, and which cannot easily be removed, even by soap and warm water.
+To have a remedy always at hand, keep, in the drawer of your wash-stand,
+a box, containing a mixture in equal portions of cream of tartar, and
+oxalic acid (POISON). Get, at a druggist's, half an ounce of each of
+these articles, and have them mixed and pounded together in a mortar.
+Put some of this mixture into a cup that has a cover, and if,
+afterwards, it becomes hard, you may keep it slightly moistened with
+water. See that it is always closely covered. To use it, wet the black
+stains on your skin with the corner of a towel, dipped in water (warm
+water is best, but is not always at hand). Then, with your finger, rub
+on a little of the mixture. Then _immediately_ wash it off with water,
+and afterwards with soap and water, and the black stains will be visible
+no longer. This mixture will also remove ink, and all other stains from
+the fingers, and from _white_ clothes. It is more speedy in its effects
+if applied with warm water. No family should be without it, but care
+must be taken to keep it out of the way of young children, as, if
+swallowed, it is poisonous.
+
+
+PASTES.
+
+ALMOND.--Take 1 ounce of bitter almonds, blanch and pound them to a fine
+powder, then add 1 ounce of barley flour, and make it into a smooth
+paste by the addition of a little honey. When this paste is laid over
+the skin, particularly where there are freckles, it makes it smooth and
+soft.
+
+PALATINE.--Take 8 ounces of soft-soap, of olive oil, and spirits of
+wine, each 4 ounces, 1-1/2 ounce of lemon-juice, sufficient silver-sand
+to form into a thick paste, and any perfume that is grateful to the
+person. Boil the oil and soap together in a pipkin, and then gradually
+stir in the sand and lemon-juice. When nearly cool add the spirit of
+wine, and lastly the perfume. Make into a paste with the hands, and
+place in jars or pots for use.
+
+This paste is used instead of soap, and is a valuable addition to the
+toilette, as it preserves the skin from chapping, and renders it smooth
+and soft.
+
+AMERICAN COSMETIC POWDER.--Calcined magnesia applied the same as
+ordinary toilette powders, by means of a swan's-down ball, usually
+called a "puff."
+
+MALOINE.--Take 4 ounces of powdered marsh-mallow roots, 2 ounces of
+powdered white starch, 3 drachms of powdered orris-root, and 20 drops of
+essence of jasmine. Mix well, and sift through fine muslin.
+
+This is one of the most agreeable and elegant cosmetics yet known for
+softening and whitening the skin, preserving it from chapping, and being
+so simple that it may be applied to the most delicate or irritable skin.
+
+This receipt has never before been published, and we know that only six
+bottles of it have been made.
+
+OXIDE OF ZINC is sprinkled into chaps and fissures to promote their
+cure.
+
+YAOULTA.--Take 1 ounce of white starch, powdered and sifted, 1/2 a
+drachm of rose pink, 10 drops of essence of jasmine, and 2 drops of otto
+of roses. Mix and keep in a fine muslin bag.
+
+This exquisite powder is to be dusted over the face, and, being
+perfectly harmless, may be used as often as necessity requires. It also
+imparts a delicate rosy tinge to the skin preferable to rouge.
+
+CREME DE L'ENCLOS.--Take 4 ounces of milk, 1 ounce of lemon-juice, and 2
+drachms of spirit of wine. Simmer over a slow fire, and then bring it to
+the boil, skim off the scum, and when cold apply it to the skin.
+
+It is much used by some persons to remove freckles and sun-burnings.
+
+
+WASHES AND LOTIONS.
+
+MILK OF ROSES, 1.--Take 2 ounces of blanched almonds; 12 ounces of
+rose-water; white soft-soap, or Windsor soap; white wax; and oil of
+almonds, of each 2 drachms; rectified spirit, 3 ounces; oil of bergamot,
+1 drachm; oil of lavender, 15 drops; otto of roses, 8 drops. Beat the
+almonds well, and then add the rose-water gradually so as to form an
+emulsion, mix the soap, white wax, and oil together, by placing them in
+a covered jar upon the edge of the fire-place, then rub this mixture in
+a mortar with the emulsion. Strain the whole through very fine muslin,
+and add the essential oils, previously mixed with the spirit.
+
+This is an excellent wash for "sunburns," freckles, or for cooling the
+face and neck, or any part of the skin to which it is applied.
+
+MILK OF ROSES, 2.--This is not quite so expensive a receipt as the last;
+and, at the same time is not so good.
+
+Take 1 ounce of Jordan almonds; 5 ounces of distilled rose-water; 1
+ounce of spirit of wine; 1/2 a drachm of Venetian soap, and 2 drops of
+otto of roses. Beat the almonds (previously blanched and well dried with
+a cloth) in a mortar, until they become a complete paste, then beat the
+soap and mix with the almonds, and afterwards add the rose-water and
+spirit. Strain through a very fine muslin or linen, and add the otto of
+roses.
+
+The common milk of roses sold in the shops, frequently contains salt of
+tartar, or pearlash, combined with olive oil and rose-water, and
+therefore it is better to make it yourself to ensure it being good.
+
+FRENCH MILK OF ROSES.--Mix 2-1/2 pints of rose-water with 1/2 a pint of
+rosemary-water, then add tincture of storax and tincture of benzoin, of
+each 2 ounces; and _esprit de rose_, 1/2 an ounce. This is a useful wash
+for freckles.
+
+GERMAN MILK OF ROSES.--Take of rose-water and milk of almonds, each 3
+ounces; water 8 ounces; rosemary-water 2 ounces; and spirit of lavender
+1/2 an ounce. Mix well, and then add 1/2 an ounce of sugar of lead.
+
+This is a dangerous form to leave about where there are children, and
+should never be applied when there are any abrasions, or chaps on the
+surface.
+
+MILK OF ALMONDS.--Blanch 4 ounces of Jordan almonds, dry them with a
+towel, and then pound them in a mortar; add 2 drachms of white or curd
+soap, and rub it up with the almonds for about ten minutes or rather
+more, gradually adding one quart of rose-water, until the whole is well
+mixed, then strain through a fine piece of muslin, and bottle for use.
+
+This is an excellent remedy for freckles and sunburns, and may be used
+as a general cosmetic, being applied to the skin after washing by means
+of the corner of a soft towel.
+
+ANTI-FRECKLE LOTION, 1.--Take tincture of benzoin, 2 ounces; tincture of
+tolu, 1 ounce; oil of rosemary, 1/2 a drachm. Mix well and bottle. When
+required to be used, add a teaspoonful of the mixture to about a
+wine-glassful of water, and apply the lotion to the face or hands, &c.,
+night and morning, carefully rubbing it in with a soft towel.
+
+ANTI-FRECKLE LOTION, 2.--Take 1 ounce of rectified spirit of wine; 1
+drachm of hydrochloric acid (spirit of salt); and 7 ounces of water. Mix
+the acid gradually with the water, and then add the spirit of wine;
+apply by means of a camel's-hair brush, or a piece of flannel.
+
+GOWLAND'S LOTION.--Take 1-1/2 grains of bichloride of mercury, and 1
+ounce of emulsion of bitter almonds; mix well. Be careful of the
+bichloride of mercury, because it is a poison.
+
+This is one of the best cosmetics for imparting a delicate appearance
+and softness to the skin, and is a useful lotion in acne, ringworm, hard
+and dry skin, and sun-blisterings.
+
+COLD CREAM.--Sweet almond oil, 7 lbs. by weight, white wax, 3/4 lb.,
+spermaceti, 3/4 lb., clarified mutton suet, 1 lb., rose-water, 7 pints,
+spirits of wine, 1 pint. Directions to mix the above:--Place the oil,
+wax, spermaceti, and suet in a large jar; cover it over tightly, then
+place it in a saucepan of boiling water, (having previously placed two
+or more pieces of fire-wood at the bottom of the saucepan, to allow the
+water to get underneath the jar, and to prevent its breaking) keep the
+water boiling round the jar till all the ingredients are dissolved; take
+it out of the water, and pour it into a large pan previously warmed and
+capable of holding 21 pints; then, with a wooden spatula, stir in the
+rose-water, cold, as quickly as possible, (dividing it into three or
+four parts, at most,) the stirring in of which should not occupy above
+five minutes, as after a certain heat the water will not mix. When all
+the water is in, stir unremittingly for thirty minutes longer, to
+prevent its separating, then add the spirits of wine, and the scent, and
+it is finished. Keep it in a cold place, in a white glazed jar, and do
+not cut it with a _steel_ knife, as it causes blackness at the parts of
+contact. Scent with otto of roses and essential oil of bergamot to
+fancy. For smaller quantities, make ounces instead of pounds.
+
+PALM SOAP.--I make it in the following manner:--Cut thin two pounds of
+yellow soap into a double saucepan, occasionally stirring it till it is
+melted, which will be in a few minutes if the water is kept boiling
+around it; then add quarter of a pound of palm oil, quarter of a pound
+of honey, three pennyworth of true oil of cinnamon; let all boil
+together another six or eight minutes; pour out and stand it by till
+next day; it is then fit for immediate use. If made as these directions
+it will be found to be a very superior soap.
+
+CURE FOR CHAPPED HANDS.--Take 3 drachms of gum camphor, 3 drachms of
+white beeswax, 3 drachms of spermaceti, 2 ounces of olive oil,--put them
+together in a cup upon the stove, where they will melt slowly and form a
+white ointment in a few minutes. If the hands be affected, anoint them
+on going to bed, and put on a pair of gloves. A day or two will suffice
+to heal them.
+
+TO WHITEN THE NAILS.--Diluted sulphuric acid, 2 drachms; tincture of
+myrrh, 1 drachm; spring water, 4 ounces. Mix. First cleanse with white
+soap, and then dip the fingers into the mixture.
+
+TO WHITEN THE HANDS.--Take a wine-glassful of eau de Cologne, and
+another of lemon-juice; then scrape two cakes of brown Windsor soap to a
+powder, and mix well in a mould. When hard, it will be an excellent soap
+for whitening the hands.
+
+
+FOR THE TEETH.
+
+TO REMOVE TARTAR FROM THE TEETH.--1st. The use of the tooth-brush night
+and morning, and, at least, rinsing the mouth after every meal at which
+animal food is taken. 2nd. Once daily run the brush lightly two or three
+times over soap, then dip it in salt, and with it clean the teeth,
+working the brush up and down rather than--or as well as--backwards and
+forwards. This is a cheap, safe, and effectual dentrifice. 3rd. Eat
+freely of common cress, the sort used with mustard, under the name of
+small salad; it must be eaten with salt only. If thus used two or three
+days in succession it will effectually loosen tartar, even of long
+standing. The same effect is produced, though perhaps not in an equal
+degree, by eating strawberries and raspberries, especially the former. A
+leaf of common green sage rubbed on the teeth is useful both in
+cleansing and polishing, and probably many other common vegetable
+productions also.
+
+CARE OF THE TEETH.--The water with which the teeth are cleansed should
+be what is called lukewarm. They should be well but gently brushed both
+night and morning; the brush should be neither too hard nor too soft.
+The best tooth-powders are made from cuttle-fish, prepared chalk, and
+orris-root commingled together in equal quantities.
+
+SIMPLE MEANS OF REMOVING TARTAR FROM THE TEETH.--In these summer months,
+tartar may be effectually removed from the teeth, by partaking daily of
+strawberries.
+
+TOOTH POWDER.--Powdered orris-root, 1/2 an ounce; powdered charcoal, 2
+ounces, powdered Peruvian bark, 1 ounce; prepared chalk, 1/2 an ounce;
+oil of bergamot, or lavender, 20 drops. These ingredients must be well
+worked up in a mortar, until thoroughly incorporated. This celebrated
+tooth-powder possesses three essential virtues, giving an odorous
+breath, cleansing and purifying the gums, and preserving the enamel; the
+last rarely found in popular tooth-powders.
+
+TOOTH-POWDER.--One of the best tooth-powders that can be used may be
+made by mixing together 1-1/2 ounces prepared chalk, 1/2 ounce powder of
+bark, and 1/4 ounce of camphor.
+
+A CHEAP BUT GOOD TOOTH-POWDER.--Cut a slice of bread as thick as may be,
+into squares, and burn in the fire until it becomes charcoal, after
+which pound in a mortar, and sift through a fine muslin; it is then
+ready for use.
+
+CHEAP AND INVALUABLE DENTIFRICE.--Dissolve 2 ounces of borax in three
+pints of water; before quite cold, add thereto one tea-spoonful of
+tincture of myrh, and one table-spoonful of spirits of camphor; bottle
+the mixture for use. One wine-glass of the solution, added to half a
+pint of tepid water, is sufficient for each application. This solution,
+applied daily, preserves and beautifies the teeth, extirpates all
+tartarous adhesion, produces a pearl-like whiteness, arrests decay, and
+induces a healthy action in the gums.
+
+INVALUABLE DENTIFRICE.--Dissolve two ounces of borax in three pints of
+boiling water; before quite cold, add one tea-spoonful of tincture of
+myrrh, and one table-spoonful of spirits of camphor; bottle the mixture
+for use. One wine-glassful of this solution, added to half a pint of
+tepid water, is sufficient for each application.
+
+
+FOR THE HAIR.
+
+LOSS OF HAIR.--The most simple remedy for loss of hair, is friction to
+the scalp of the head, using for the purpose an old tooth-brush, or one
+of which the bristles have been softened by soaking in boiling water.
+The shape of the instrument adapts it to be inserted readily and
+effectually between the hair, where it should be rubbed backwards and
+forwards over the space of an inch or so at a time. In addition to the
+friction, which should be used once or twice a day, the head may be
+showered once a day with cold water, carefully drying it with soft,
+spongy towels.
+
+POMATUM.--Take of white mutton suet 4 pounds, well boiled in hot water,
+(3 quarts,) and washed to free it from salt. Melt the suet, when dried,
+with 1-1/2 pounds of fresh lard, and 2 pounds of yellow wax. Pour into
+an earthen vessel, and stir till it is cold; then beat into it 30 drops
+of oil of cloves, or any other essential oil whose scent you prefer. If
+this kind of pomatum is too hard, use less wax.
+
+At times numbers of loose hairs come away in the brushing or combing.
+Such cases as these will generally be found remedial. Wilson recommends
+women with short hair to dip their heads into cold water every morning,
+and afterwards apply the brush until a glow of warmth is felt all over
+the scalp. Those who have long hair are to brush it till the skin
+beneath becomes red, when a lotion is to be applied, as here specified.
+
+ Eau de Cologne 2 oz.
+ Tincture of Cantharides 1/2 oz.
+ Oil of Nutmegs 1/2 drachm.
+ Oil of Lavender 10 drops.
+
+To be well mixed together.
+
+Another is composed of:--
+
+ Mezereon bark in small pieces 1 oz.
+ Horse-Radish root in small pieces 1 oz.
+ Boiling distilled Vinegar 1/2 pint.
+
+Let this infusion stand for a week, and then strain through muslin for
+use.
+
+If irritating to the skin, these lotions can be made weaker, or less
+frequently applied than might otherwise be necessary. Either of them, or
+distilled vinegar alone, may be rubbed into a bald patch with a
+tooth-brush. The same lotions may also be used if the hair is disposed
+to become gray too early; as they invigorate the apparatus situated
+beneath the skin, and enable it to take up coloring matter. Dyeing of
+the hair is a practice which ought never to be resorted to. Those who
+are unwilling or unable to discontinue the practice of applying some
+kind of dressing to the hair, should, at least, content themselves with
+a simple, yet good material. The best olive oil is most suitable for the
+purpose, scented with otto of roses or bergamot; the latter, as many
+persons know, is the essence of a species of mint. The same scents may
+also be used for pomatum, which should be made of perfectly pure lard,
+or marrow.
+
+HAIR OILS, &c.--When used moderately, oils, ointments, &c., tend to
+strengthen the hair, especially when it is naturally dry. When used in
+excess, however, they clog the pores, prevent the escape of the natural
+secretions, and cause the hair to wither and fall off. The varieties of
+"oils," "Greases," "ointments," rivaling each-other in their high
+sounding pretensions, which are daily imposed upon public credulity, are
+interminable. We add one or two of the most simple.
+
+FOR THICKENING THE HAIR.--To one ounce of Palma Christi oil, add a
+sufficient quantity of bergamot or lavender to scent it. Apply it to the
+parts where it is most needed, brushing it well into the hair.
+
+AN OINTMENT FOR THE HAIR.--Mix two ounces of bear's grease, half an
+ounce of honey, one drachm of laudanum, three drachms of the powder of
+southernwood, three drachms of the balsam of Peru, one and a half
+drachms of the ashes of the roots of bulrushes, and a small quantity of
+the oil of sweet almonds.
+
+MACASSAR OIL.--It is said to be compounded of the following
+ingredients:--To three quarts of common oil, add half-a-pint of spirits
+of wine, three ounces of cinnamon powder, and two ounces of bergamot;
+heat the whole in a large pipkin. On removing from the fire, add three
+or four small pieces of alkanet root, and keep the vessel closely
+covered for several hours. When cool, it may be filtered through a
+funnel lined with filtering paper.
+
+Whether oils are used or not, the hair ought night and morning to be
+carefully and elaborately brushed. This is one of the best preservatives
+of its beauty.
+
+The following is recommended as an excellent Hair Oil:--Boil together
+half-a-pint of port wine, one pint and a-half of sweet oil, and
+half-a-pound of green southernwood. Strain the mixture through a linen
+rag several times; adding, at the last operation, two ounces of bear's
+grease. If fresh southernwood is added each time it passes through the
+linen, the composition will be improved.
+
+POMADE VICTORIA.--This highly-praised and excellent pomade is made in
+the following way--and if so made, will be found to give a beautiful
+gloss and softness to the hair:--Quarter of a-pound of honey and
+half-an-ounce of bees' wax simmered together for a few minutes and then
+strain. Add of oil of almonds, lavender, and thyme, half-a-drachm each.
+Be sure to continue stirring till quite cold, or the honey and wax will
+separate.
+
+LEMON POMATUM.--Best lard, two pounds; suet, half-a-pound; dissolve with
+a gentle heat, and mix them well together. Then add four ounces of
+orange-flower water, and four ounces of rose-water, and mix them well
+together before adding, or they will separate. Having done this, add a
+quarter of an ounce of essence of lemon; half-a-drachm of musk, and
+half-a-drachm of oil of thyme.
+
+TO COLOR POMATUM.--Yellow, by palm oil or annatto; red, by alkanet root;
+and green, by guaiacum, or the green leaves of parsley.
+
+BANDOLINE FOR THE HAIR, (A FRENCH RECEIPT).--To one quart of water put
+1/2 ounce of quince pips, boil it nearly an hour, stirring it well,
+strain it through a fine muslin, let it stand twenty-four hours, and
+then add fourteen drops of the essential oil of almonds. A
+dessert-spoonful of brandy may be added, if required to keep a long
+time.
+
+BANDOLINE FOR THE HAIR.--Take of castor oil, two ounces; spermaceti,
+one drachm; oil of bergamot, one drachm; mix with heat and strain; then
+beat in six drops otto of roses. If wished colored, add half-a-drachm of
+annatto.
+
+ANOTHER.--I furnish you with an excellent form of Bandoline, much more
+quickly made than others. Have a small packet of powdered gum dragon by
+you, and when you require any fresh bandoline, take a tea-spoonful of
+the powder, and pour enough of boiling water on it to make a small
+bottle full. Scent with otto of roses.
+
+CURLING FLUID.--Place two pounds of common soap, cut small, into three
+pints of spirits of wine, with eight ounces of potash, and melt the
+whole, stirring it with a clean piece of wood. Add, on cooling, essence
+of amber, vanilla, and neroli, of each quarter of an ounce. The best
+method of keeping _ringlets_ in curl, is the occasional application of
+the yolk of an egg, and the hair, afterwards, well washed in lukewarm
+water. Apply the egg with a tooth or hair-brush.
+
+
+FOR THE LIPS.
+
+VERY EXCELLENT LIP-SALVE.--Take four ounces of butter, fresh from the
+churn, cut it small, put it into a jar, cover it with good rose-water,
+and let it remain for four or five days; then drain it well, and put it
+into a small and very clean saucepan, with one ounce of spermaceti, and
+one of yellow beeswax sliced thin, a quarter of an ounce of bruised
+alkanet root, two drachms of gum benzoin, and one of storax, beaten to
+powder, half an ounce of loaf sugar, and the strained juice of a
+moderate sized lemon. Simmer these gently, keeping them stirred all the
+time, until the mixture looks very clear, and sends forth a fine
+aromatic odour; then strain it through a thin doubled muslin, and stir
+to it from twelve to twenty drops of essential oil of roses, and pour it
+into small gallipots, from which it can easily be turned out when cold,
+and then be rubbed against the lips, which is the most pleasant way of
+using it, as it is much firmer than common lip-salve, and will be found
+more healing and infinitely more agreeable. When butter cannot be had
+direct from the churn, any which is quite fresh may be substituted for
+it, after the salt has been well washed and soaked out of it, by working
+it with a strong spoon in cold water, in which it should remain for a
+couple of days or more, the water being frequently changed during the
+time.
+
+ROSE LIP-SALVE.--8 ounces sweet almond oil, 4 ounces prepared mutton
+suet, 1-1/2 ounces white wax, 2 ounces spermaceti, 20 drops otto; steep
+a small quantity of alkanet root in the oil, and strain before using.
+Melt the suet, wax, and spermaceti together, then add the coloric oil
+and otto.
+
+LIP-SALVES.--A good lip-salve may be made as follows:--Take an ounce of
+the oil of sweet almonds, cold drawn; a drachm of fresh mutton suet; and
+a little bruised alkanet root: and simmer the whole together in an
+earthen pipkin. Instead of the oil of sweet almonds you may use oil of
+Jasmin, or oil of any other flower, if you intend the lip-salve to have
+a fragrant odour.--2. Take a pound of fresh butter; a quarter of a pound
+of beeswax; four or five ounces of cleansed black grapes, and about an
+ounce of bruised alkanet root. Simmer them together over a slow fire
+till the wax is wholly dissolved, and the mixture becomes of a bright
+red color; strain, and put it by for use. 3. Oil of almonds, spermaceti,
+white wax, and white sugar-candy, equal parts, form a good white
+lip-salve.
+
+SUPERIOR LIP-SALVE.--White wax, two and a half ounces; spermaceti, three
+quarters of an ounce; oil of almonds, four ounces. Mix well together,
+and apply a little to the lips at night.
+
+ANOTHER.--A desert spoonful of salad oil in a saucer, hold it over a
+candle, and drop melted wax over it till the oil is thinly covered, when
+they are incorporated, pour it into boxes.--(Wax taper will do.)
+
+
+FOR CORNS.
+
+CURE FOR CORNS.--Place the feet for half an hour, two or three nights
+successively, in a pretty strong solution of common soda. The alkali
+dissolves the indurated cuticle, and the corn falls out spontaneously,
+leaving a small excavation, which soon fills up.
+
+TO REMOVE CORNS.--Get four ounces of white diachylon plaster, four
+ounces of shoemaker's wax, and sixty drops of muriatic acid or spirits
+of salt. Boil them for a few minutes in an earthen pipkin, and when
+cold, roll the mass between the hands and apply a little on a piece of
+white leather.
+
+A CERTAIN CURE FOR SOFT CORNS.--Dip a piece of soft linen rag in
+turpentine, and wrap it round the toe on which the soft corn is, night
+and morning; in a few days the corn will disappear; but the relief is
+instantaneous.
+
+
+PERFUMES.
+
+TO MAKE EAU DE COLOGNE.--Rectified spirits of wine, four pints; oil of
+bergamot, one ounce; oil of lemon, half an ounce; oil of rosemary, half
+a drachm; oil of Neroli, three quarters of a drachm; oil of English
+lavender, one drachm; oil of oranges, one drachm. Mix well and then
+filter. If these proportions are too large, smaller ones may be used.
+
+EAU DE COLOGNE.--Oil of neroli, citron, bergamot, orange, and rosemary,
+of each twelve drops; cardamom seeds, one drachm; spirits of wine, one
+pint. Let it stand for a week.
+
+LAVENDER WATER.--Oil of lavender, 2 drachms; oil of bergamot, 1/2
+drachm; essence of musk, 1 drachm; spirits of wine, 13 ounces; water, 5
+ounces. Let it stand for a week.
+
+
+FOR KEEPING THE WARDROBE IN ORDER.
+
+TO CLEAN KID GLOVES.--Make a strong lather with curd soap and warm
+water, in which steep a small piece of new flannel. Place the glove on a
+flat, clean, and unyielding surface--such as the bottom of a dish, and
+having thoroughly soaped the flannel (when squeezed from the lather),
+rub the kid till all dirt be removed, cleaning and resoaping the flannel
+from time to time. Care must be taken to omit no part of the glove, by
+turning the fingers, &c. The gloves must be dried in the sun, or before
+a moderate fire, and will present the appearance of old parchment. When
+quite dry, they must be gradually "pulled out," and will look new.
+
+ANOTHER.--First see that your hands are clean, then put on the gloves
+and wash them, as though you were washing your hands, in a basin of
+spirits of turpentine, until quite clean; then hang them up in a warm
+place, or where there is a good current of air, which will carry off all
+smell of the turpentine. This method was brought from Paris, and
+thousands of dollars have been made by it.
+
+TO CLEAN COLORED KID GLOVES.--Have ready on a table a clean towel,
+folded three or four times, a saucer of new milk, and another saucer
+with a piece of brown soap. Take one glove at a time, and spread it
+smoothly on the folded towel. Then dip in the milk a piece of clean
+flannel, rub it on the soap till you get off a tolerable quantity, and
+then, with the wet flannel, commence rubbing the glove. Begin at the
+wrist, and rub lengthways towards the end of the fingers, holding the
+glove firmly in your right-hand. Continue this process until the glove
+is well cleaned all over with the milk and soap. When done, spread them
+out, and pin them on a line to dry gradually. When nearly dry, pull them
+out evenly, the crossway of the leather. When quite dry, stretch them on
+your hands. White kid gloves may also be washed in this manner, provided
+they have never been cleaned with India-rubber.
+
+TO CLEAN WHITE OR COLORED KID GLOVES.--Put the glove on your hand, then
+take a small piece of flannel, dip it in camphene, and well, but gently,
+rub it over the glove, _taking care not to make it too wet_, when the
+dirt is removed, dip the flannel (or another piece if that is become too
+dirty) into pipe-clay and rub it over the glove; take it off, and hang
+it up in a room to dry, and in a day or two very little smell will
+remain; and if done carefully they will be almost as good as new. In
+colored ones, if yellow, use gamboge after the pipe-clay, and for other
+colors match it in dry paint.
+
+TO CLEAN WHITE KID GLOVES.--Stretch the gloves on a clean board, and rub
+all the soiled or grease-spots with cream of tartar or magnesia. Let
+them rest an hour. Then have ready a mixture of alum and Fuller's earth
+(both powdered), and rub it all over the gloves with a brush (a clean
+tooth-brush or something similar), and let them rest for an hour or two.
+Then sweep it all off, and go over them with a flannel dipped in a
+mixture of bran and finely powdered whiting. Let them rest another hour;
+then brush off the powder, and you will find them clean.
+
+TO CLEAN LIGHT KID GLOVES.--Put on one glove, and having made a strong
+lather with common brown soap, apply it with a shaving brush, wiping it
+off immediately with a clean towel, then blow into the glove, and leave
+it to dry.
+
+AN EXCELLENT PASTE FOR GLOVES.--Liquor of ammonia half an ounce,
+chloride of potash ten ounces, curd soap one pound, water half a pint;
+dissolve the soap in the water, with a gentle heat, then as the mixture
+cools, stir in the other ingredients. Use it, by rubbing it over the
+gloves until the dirt is removed.
+
+TO WASH THREAD LACE.--Rip off the lace, carefully pick out the loose
+bits of thread, and roll the lace very smoothly and securely round a
+clean black bottle, previously covered with old white linen, sewed
+tightly on. Tack each end of the lace with a needle and thread, to keep
+it smooth; and be careful in wrapping not to crumple or fold in any of
+the scallops or pearlings. After it is on the bottle, take some of the
+_best_ sweet oil and with a clean sponge wet the lace thoroughly to the
+inmost folds. Have ready in a wash-kettle, a strong _cold_ lather of
+clear water and white Castile soap. Fill the bottle with cold water, to
+prevent its bursting, cork it well, and stand it upright in the suds,
+with a string round the neck secured to the ears or handle of the
+kettle, to prevent its knocking about and breaking while over the fire.
+Let it boil in the suds for an hour or more, till the lace is clean and
+white all through. Drain off the suds, and dry it on the bottle in the
+sun. When dry, remove the lace from the bottle and roll it round a wide
+ribbon-block; or lay it in long folds, place it within a sheet of
+smooth, white, paper, and press it in a large book for a few days.
+
+TO WASH A WHITE LACE VEIL.--Put the veil into a strong lather of white
+soap and very clear water, and let it simmer slowly for a quarter of an
+hour. Take it out and squeeze it well, but be sure not to rub it. Rinse
+it in two cold waters, with a drop or two of liquid blue in the last.
+Have ready some very clear and weak gum-arabic water, or some thin
+starch, or rice-water. Pass the veil through it, and clear it by
+clapping. Then stretch it out even, and pin it to dry on a linen cloth,
+making the edge as straight as possible, opening out all the scallops,
+and fastening each with pins. When dry, lay a piece of thin muslin
+smoothly over it, and iron it on the wrong side.
+
+TO WASH A BLACK LACE VEIL.--Mix bullock's gall with sufficient hot water
+to make it as warm as you can bear your hand in. Then pass the veil
+through it. It must be squeezed, and not rubbed. It will be well to
+perfume the gall with a little musk. Next rinse the veil through two
+cold waters, tinging the last with indigo. Then dry it. Have ready in a
+pan some stiffening made by pouring boiling water on a very small piece
+of glue. Pat the veil into it, squeeze it out, stretch it, and clap it.
+Afterwards pin it out to dry on a linen cloth, making it very straight
+and even, and taking care to open and pin the edge very nicely. When
+dry, iron it on the wrong side, having laid a linen cloth over the
+ironing-blanket. Any article of black lace may be washed in this manner.
+
+TO CLEAN WHITE SATIN AND FLOWERED SILKS.--1. Mix sifted stale bread
+crumbs with powder blue, and rub it thoroughly all over, then shake it
+well, and dust it with clean, soft cloths. Afterwards, where there are
+any gold or silver flowers, take a piece of crimson ingrain velvet, rub
+the flowers with it, which will restore them to their original lustre.
+2. Pass them through a solution of fine hard soap, at a hand heat,
+drawing them through the hand. Rinse in lukewarm water, dry and finish
+by pinning out. Brush the flossy or bright side with a clean
+clothes-brush, the way of the nap. Finish them by dipping a sponge into
+a size, made by boiling isinglass in water, and rub the wrong side.
+Rinse out a second time, and brush, and dry near a fire, or in a warm
+room. Silks may be treated in the same way, but not brushed.
+
+TO CLEAN WHITE SILK.--Dissolve some of the best curd soap in boiling
+water, and when the solution is as hot as the hand can bear, pass the
+silk through it thoroughly, handling it gently, not to injure the
+texture. If there are any spots, these may be rubbed carefully until
+they disappear. The article must then be rinsed in lukewarm water.
+
+TO IRON SILK.--Silk cannot be ironed smoothly, so as to press out all
+the creases, without first sprinkling it with water, and rolling it up
+tightly in a towel, letting it rest for an hour or two. If the iron is
+in the least too hot, it will injure the color, and it should first be
+tried on an old piece of the same silk.
+
+TO WASH SILK.--Half a pint of gin, four ounces of soft soap, and two
+ounces of honey, well shaken; then rub the silk, with a sponge (wetted
+with the above mixture), upon a table, and wash through two waters, in
+which first put two or three spoonfuls of ox gall, which will brighten
+the colors, and prevent their running. The silks should not be wrung,
+but well shaken and hung up smoothly to dry, and mangled while damp. The
+writer has had _green_ silk dresses washed by this receipt, and they
+have looked as well as new.
+
+TO RENOVATE BLACK SILK.--Slice some uncooked potatoes, pour boiling
+water on them; when cold sponge the right side of the silk with it, and
+iron on the wrong.
+
+TO KEEP SILK.--Silk articles should not be kept folded in white paper,
+as the chloride of lime used in bleaching the paper will probably impair
+the color of the silk. Brown or blue paper is better--the yellowish
+smooth India paper is best of all. Silk intended for a dress should not
+be kept in the house long before it is made up, as lying in the folds
+will have a tendency to impair its durability by causing it to cut or
+split, particularly if the silk has been thickened by gum. We knew an
+instance of a very elegant and costly thread-lace veil being found, on
+its arrival from France, cut into squares (and therefore destroyed) by
+being folded over a pasteboard card. A white satin dress should be
+pinned up in blue paper, with coarse brown paper outside, sewed together
+at the edges.
+
+TO RESTORE VELVET.--When velvet gets plushed from pressure, holding the
+reverse side over a basin of boiling water will raise the pile, and
+perhaps it may also succeed in the case of wet from rain.
+
+TO IRON VELVET.--Having ripped the velvet apart, damp each piece
+separately, and holding it tightly in both hands, stretch it before the
+fire, the wrong side of the velvet being towards the fire. This will
+remove the creases, and give the surface of the material a fresh and new
+appearance. Velvet cannot be ironed on a table, for, when spread out on
+a hard substance, the iron will not go smoothly over the pile.
+
+TO CLEAN ERMINE AND MINIVAR FUR.--Take a piece of soft flannel, and rub
+the fur well with it (but remember that the rubbing must be always
+against the grain); then rub the fur with common flour until clean.
+Shake it well, and rub again with the flannel till all the flour is out
+of it. I have had a Minivar boa for four years. It has never been
+cleaned with anything but flour, and is not in the least injured by the
+rubbing. It was a school companion who told me that her aunt (a Russian
+lady) always cleaned her white furs with flour, and that they looked
+quite beautiful. It has one advantage--the lining does not require to be
+taken out, and it only requires a little trouble. Ermine takes longer
+than Minivar. The latter is very easily done.
+
+TO PERFUME LINEN.--Rose-leaves dried in the shade, or at about four feet
+from a stove, one pound; cloves, carraway-seeds, and allspice, of each
+one ounce; pound in a mortar, or grind in a mill; dried salt, a quarter
+of a pound; mix all these together, and put the compound into little
+bags.
+
+TO RESTORE SCORCHED LINEN.--Take two onions, peel and slice them, and
+extract the juice by squeezing or pounding. Then cut up half an ounce of
+white soap, and two ounces of fuller's earth; mix with them the onion
+juice, and half a pint of vinegar. Boil this composition well, and
+spread it, when cool, over the scorched part of the linen, leaving it to
+dry thereon. Afterwards wash out the linen.
+
+TO WHITEN LINEN THAT HAS TURNED YELLOW.--Cut up a pound of fine white
+soap into a gallon of milk, and hang it over the fire in a wash-kettle.
+When the soap has entirely melted, put in the linen, and boil it half an
+hour. Then take it out; have ready a lather of soap and warm water; wash
+the linen in it, and then rinse it through two cold waters, with a very
+little blue in the last.
+
+TO WASH CHINA CRAPE SCARFS, &c.--If the fabric be good, these articles
+of dress can be washed as frequently as may be required, and no
+diminution of their beauty will be discoverable, even when the various
+shades of green have been employed among other colors in the patterns.
+In cleaning them, make a strong lather of boiling water--suffer it to
+cool; when cold, or nearly so, wash the scarf quickly and thoroughly,
+dip it immediately in cold hard water, in which a little salt has been
+thrown (to preserve the colors), rinse, squeeze, and hang it out to dry
+in the open air; pin it at its extreme edge to the line, so that it may
+not in any part be folded together; the more rapidly it dries, the
+clearer it will be.
+
+TO CLEAN EMBROIDERY AND GOLD LACE.--For this purpose no alkaline liquors
+are to be used; for while they clean the gold, they corrode the silk,
+and change its color. Soap also alters the shade, and even the species
+of certain colors. But spirit of wine may be used without any danger of
+its injuring either color or quality; and, in many cases, proves as
+effectual for restoring the lustre of the gold as the corrosive
+detergents. But, though spirits of wine is the most innocent material
+employed for this purpose, it is not in all cases proper. The golden
+covering may be in some parts worn off; or the base metal with which it
+has been alloyed may be corroded by the air, so as to leave the
+particles of the gold disunited; while the silver underneath, tarnished
+to a yellow hue, may continue a tolerable color to the whole, so it is
+apparent that the removal of the tarnish would be prejudicial, and make
+the lace or embroidery less like gold than it was before. It is
+necessary that care should be taken.
+
+TO REMOVE STAINS OF WINE OR FRUIT FROM TABLE LINEN.--A wine stain may
+sometimes be removed by rubbing it, while wet, with common salt. It is
+said, also, that sherry wine poured immediately on a place where port
+wine has been spilled, will prevent its leaving a stain. A _certain_ way
+of extracting fruit or wine stains from table-linen is to tie up some
+cream of tartar in the stained part (so as to form a sort of bag), and
+then to put the linen into a lather of soap and cold water, and boil it
+awhile. Then transfer it wet to a lukewarm suds, wash and rinse it well,
+and dry and iron it. The stains will disappear during the process.
+Another way, is to mix, in equal quantities, soft soap, slackened lime,
+and pearl-ash. Rub the stain with this preparation, and expose the linen
+to the sun with the mixture plastered on it. If necessary, repeat the
+application. As soon as the stain has disappeared, wash out the linen
+immediately, as it will be injured if the mixture is left in it.
+
+STAIN MIXTURE.--Take an ounce of sal-ammoniac (or hartshorn) and an
+ounce of salt of tartar--mix them well, put them into a pint of soft
+water, and bottle it for use, keeping it very tightly corked. Pour a
+little of this liquid into a saucer, and wash in it those parts of a
+white article that have been stained with ink, mildew, fruit, or red
+wine. When the stains have, by this process, been removed, wash the
+article in the usual manner.
+
+CHEMICAL RENOVATING BALLS--for taking out grease, paint, pitch, tar,
+from silks, stuffs, linen, woolen, carpets, hats, coats, &c., without
+fading the color or injuring the cloth:--1/4 ounce of fuller's earth,
+1/4 ounce of pipe-clay, 1 ounce salt of tartar, 1 ounce beef gall, 1
+ounce spirits of wine. Pound the hard parts and mix the ingredients well
+together. Wet the stain with cold water, rub it well with this ball,
+then sponge it with a wet sponge and the stain will disappear.
+
+TO PREVENT COLORED THINGS FROM RUNNING.--Boil 1/4 pound of soap till
+nearly dissolved, then add a small piece of alum and boil with it. Wash
+the things in this lather, but do not soap them. If they require a
+second water put alum to that also as well as to the rinsing and blue
+water. This will preserve them.
+
+TO REMOVE STAINS FROM MOURNING DRESSES.--Take a good handful of
+fig-leaves, and boil them in two quarts of water until reduced to a
+pint. Squeeze the leaves and put the liquor into a bottle for use. The
+articles, whether of bombasin, crape, cloth, &c., need only be rubbed
+with a sponge dipped in the liquor, when the effect will be instantly
+produced. If any reason exists to prevent the substance from being
+wetted, then apply French chalk, which will absorb the grease from the
+finest texture without injury.
+
+TO SHRINK NEW FLANNEL.--New flannel should always be shrunk or washed
+before it is made up, that it may be cut out more accurately, and that
+the grease which is used in manufacturing it may be extracted. First,
+cut off the list along the selvage edges of the whole piece. Then put it
+into warm (not boiling) water, without soap. Begin at one end of the
+piece, and rub it with both hands till you come to the other end; this
+is to get out the grease and the blue with which new white flannel is
+always tinged. Then do the same through another water. Rinse it through
+a clean, lukewarm water; wring it lengthways, and stretch it well. In
+hanging it out on a line do not suspend it in festoons, but spread it
+along the line straight and lengthways. If dried in festoons, the edges
+will be in great scollops, making it very difficult to cut out. It must
+be dried in the sun. When dry let it be stretched even, clapped with the
+hands, and rolled up tight and smoothly, till wanted.
+
+GUM ARABIC STARCH.--Get two ounces of fine, white gum arabic, and pound
+it to powder. Next put it into a pitcher, and pour on it a pint or more
+of boiling water (according to the degree of strength you desire), and
+then, having covered it, let it set all night. In the morning, pour it
+carefully from the dregs into a clean bottle, cork it, and keep it for
+use. A table-spoonful of gum water stirred into a pint of starch that
+has been made in the usual manner, will give to lawns (either white or
+printed) a look of newness to which nothing else can restore them after
+washing. It is also good (much diluted) for thin white muslin and
+bobinet.
+
+TO WASH WHITE THREAD GLOVES AND STOCKINGS.--These articles are so
+delicate as to require great care in washing, and they must not on any
+account be rubbed. Make a lather of white soap and _cold_ water, and put
+it into a saucepan. Soap the gloves or stockings well, put them in, and
+set the saucepan over the fire. When they have come to a hard boil, take
+them off, and when cool enough for your hand, squeeze them in the water.
+Having prepared a fresh cold lather, boil them again in that. Then take
+the pan off the fire, and squeeze them well again, after which they can
+be stretched, dried, and then ironed on the wrong side.
+
+TO CLEAN SILK STOCKINGS.--First wash the stockings in the usual manner,
+to take out the rough dirt. After rinsing them in clean water, wash them
+well in a fresh soap liquor. Then make a third soap liquor, which color
+with a little stone-blue; then wash the stockings once more, take them
+out, wring them, and particularly dry them. Now stove them with
+brimstone, and draw on a wooden leg two stockings, one upon the other,
+observing that the two fronts or outsides are face to face. Polish with
+a glass bottle. The two first liquors should be only lukewarm, but the
+third as hot as you can bear your hand in. Blondes and gauzes may be
+whitened in the same manner, but there should be a little gum put in the
+last liquor before they are stoved.
+
+TO TAKE OUT MILDEW FROM CLOTHES.--Mix some soft soap with powdered
+starch, half as much salt, and the juice of a lemon, lay it on the part
+with a brush, let it be exposed in the air day and night, until the
+stain disappears. Iron-moulds may be removed by the salt of lemons. Many
+stains in linen may be taken out by dipping linen in sour buttermilk,
+and then drying it in the sun; afterwards wash it in cold water several
+times. Stains caused by acids may be removed by tying some pearlash up
+in the stained part; scrape some soap in cold, soft water, and boil the
+linen till the stain is out.
+
+BLEACHING STRAW.--Straw is bleached, and straw bonnets cleaned, by
+putting them into a cask into which a few brimstone matches are placed
+lighted. The fumes of the sulphur have the effect of destroying the
+color, or whitening the straw. The same effect may be produced by
+dipping the straw into the chloride of lime dissolved in water.
+
+TO WASH MOUSELINE-DE-LAINE.--Boil a pound of rice in five quarts of
+water, and, when cool enough, wash in this, using the rice for soap.
+Have another quantity ready, but strain the rice from this and use it
+with warm water, keeping the rice strained off for a third washing
+which, at the same time, stiffens and also brightens the colors.
+
+TO BLEACH A FADED DRESS.--Wash the dress in hot suds, and boil it until
+the color appears to be gone; then rinse it and dry it in the sun.
+Should it not be rendered white by these means, lay the dress in the
+open air, and bleach it for several days. If still not quite white,
+repeat the boiling.
+
+INDELIBLE MARKING INK, WITHOUT PREPARATION.--1-1/2 drachms nitrate of
+silver (lunar caustic), 1 ounce distilled water, 1/2 ounce strong
+mucilage of gum arabic, 3/4 drachm liquid ammonia; mix the above in a
+clean glass bottle, cork tightly, and keep in a dark place till
+dissolved, and ever afterwards. Directions for use:--Shake the bottle,
+then dip a clean quill pen in the ink, and write or draw what you
+require on the article; immediately hold it close to the fire, (without
+scorching) or pass a hot iron over it, and it will become a deep and
+indelible black, indestructible by either time or acids of any
+description.
+
+MIXTURE FOR REMOVING INK STAINS AND IRON-MOULDS.--Cream of tartar and
+salts of sorrel, one ounce each; mix well, and keep in a stoppered
+bottle.
+
+TO WASH HAIR-BRUSHES.--Never use soap. Take a piece of soda, dissolve
+it in warm water, stand the brush in it, taking care that the water only
+covers the bristles; it will almost immediately become white and clean;
+stand it to dry in the open air with the bristles downwards, and it will
+be found to be as firm as a new brush.
+
+TO CLEAN HEAD AND CLOTHES-BRUSHES.--Put a table-spoonful of pearl-ash
+into a pint of boiling water. Having fastened a bit of sponge to the end
+of a stick, dip it into the solution, and wash the brush with it;
+carefully going in among the bristles. Next pour over it some clean hot
+water, and let it lie a little while. Then drain it, wipe it with a
+cloth, and dry it before the fire.
+
+Lola Montez in her "Arts of Beauty" gives the following receipts for
+complexion, hair, &c:--
+
+FOR THE COMPLEXION.--"Infuse wheat-bran, well sifted, for four hours in
+white wine vinegar, add to it five yolks of eggs and two grains of
+ambergris, and distill the whole. It should be carefully corked for
+twelve or fifteen days, when it will be fit for use.
+
+"Distill two handfuls of jessamine flowers in a quart of rose-water and
+a quart of orange-water. Strain through porous paper, and add a scruple
+of musk and a scruple of ambergris."
+
+TO GIVE ELASTICITY OF FORM.--
+
+ "Fat of the stag or deer 8 oz.
+ Florence oil (or olive oil) 6 oz.
+ Virgin wax 3 oz.
+ Musk 1 grain.
+ White brandy 1/2 pint.
+ Rose-water 4 oz.
+
+"Put the fat, oil, and wax into a well glazed earthen vessel, and let
+them simmer over a slow fire until they are assimilated; then pour in
+the other ingredients, and let the whole gradually cool, when it will be
+fit for use. There is no doubt but that this mixture, frequently and
+thoroughly rubbed upon the body on going to bed, will impart a
+remarkable degree of elasticity to the muscles. In the morning, after
+this preparation has been used, the body should be thoroughly wiped with
+a sponge, dampened with cold water."
+
+FOR THE COMPLEXION.--"Take equal parts of the seeds of the melon,
+pumpkin, gourd, and cucumber, pounded till they are reduced to powder;
+add to it sufficient fresh cream to dilute the flour, and then add milk
+enough to reduce the whole to a thin paste. Add a grain of musk, and a
+few drops of the oil of lemon. Anoint the face with this, leave it on
+twenty or thirty minutes, or overnight if convenient, and wash off with
+warm water. It gives a remarkable purity and brightness to the
+complexion.
+
+"Infuse a handful of well sifted wheat bran for four hours in white wine
+vinegar; add to it five yolks of eggs and two grains of musk, and
+distill the whole. Bottle it, keep carefully corked fifteen days, when
+it will be fit for use. Apply it over night, and wash in the morning
+with tepid water."
+
+TOOTH-POWDER.--
+
+ "Prepared chalk 6 oz.
+ Cassia powder 1/2 oz.
+ Orris-root 1 oz.
+
+"These should be thoroughly mixed and used once a day with a firm
+brush.
+
+"A simple mixture of charcoal and cream of tartar is an excellent
+tooth-powder."
+
+TO WHITEN THE HAND.--"Both Spanish and French women--those, at least,
+who are very particular to make the most of these charms--are in the
+habit of sleeping in gloves which are lined or plastered over with a
+kind of pomade to improve the delicacy and complexion of their hands.
+This paste is generally made of the following ingredients:--
+
+"Take half a pound of soft soap, a gill of salad oil, an ounce of mutton
+tallow, and boil them till they are thoroughly mixed. After the boiling
+has ceased, but before it is cold, add one gill of spirits of wine, and
+a grain of musk.
+
+"If any lady wishes to try this, she can buy a pair of gloves three or
+four sizes larger than the hand, rip them open and spread on a thin
+layer of the paste, and then sew the gloves up again. There is no doubt
+that by wearing them every night they will give smoothness and a fine
+complexion to the hands. Those who have the means, can send to Paris and
+purchase them ready made.
+
+"If the hands are inclined to be rough and to chap, the following wash
+will remedy the evil.
+
+ Lemon-juice 3 oz.
+ White wine vinegar 3 oz.
+ White brandy 1/2 pint."
+
+FOR THE HAIR.--"Beat up the white of four eggs into a froth, and rub
+that thoroughly in close to the roots of the hair. Leave it to dry on.
+Then wash the head and hair clean with a mixture of equal parts of rum
+and rose-water."
+
+"HONEY-WATER.--
+
+ "Essence of ambergris 1 dr.
+ Essence of musk 1 dr.
+ Essence of bergamot 2 drs.
+ Oil of cloves 15 drops.
+ Orange-flower water 4 oz.
+ Spirits of wine 5 oz.
+ Distilled water 4 oz.
+
+"All these ingredients should be mixed together, and left about fourteen
+days, then the whole to be filtered through porous paper, and bottled
+for use.
+
+"This is a good hair-wash and an excellent perfume."
+
+"TO REMOVE PIMPLES.--There are many kinds of pimples, some of which
+partake almost of the nature of ulcers, which require medical treatment;
+but the small red pimple, which is most common, may be removed by
+applying the following twice a-day:--
+
+ "Sulphur water 1 oz.
+ Acetated liquor of ammonia 1/4 oz.
+ Liquor of potassa 1 gr.
+ White wine vinegar 2 oz.
+ Distilled water 2 oz."
+
+"TO REMOVE BLACK SPECKS OR 'FLESHWORMS.'--Sometimes little black specks
+appear about the base of the nose, or on the forehead, or in the hollow
+of the chin which are called 'fleshworms,' and are occasioned by
+coagulated lymph that obstructs the pores of the skin. They may be
+squeezed out by pressing the skin, and ignorant persons suppose them to
+be little worms. They are permanently removed by washing with warm
+water, and severe friction with a towel, and then applying a little of
+the following preparation:--
+
+ "Liquor of potassa 1 oz.
+ Cologne 2 oz.
+ White brandy. 4 oz.
+
+"The warm water and friction alone are sometimes sufficient."
+
+"TO REMOVE FRECKLES.--The most celebrated compound ever used for the
+removal of freckles was called Unction de Maintenon, after the
+celebrated Madame de Maintenon, mistress and wife of Louis XIV. It is
+made as follows:--
+
+ "Venice soap 1 oz.
+ Lemon-juice 1/2 oz.
+ Oil of bitter almonds 1/4 oz.
+ Deliquidated oil of tartar 1/4 oz.
+ Oil of rhodium 3 drops
+
+"First dissolve the soap in the lemon-juice, then add the two oils, and
+place the whole in the sun till it acquires the consistence of ointment,
+and then add the oil of rhodium. Anoint the freckly face at night with
+this unction, and wash in the morning with pure water, or, if
+convenient, with a mixture of elder-flower and rose-water.
+
+"TO REMOVE TAN.--An excellent wash to remove tan is called Creme de
+l'Enclos, and is made thus:
+
+ "New milk 1/2 pint.
+ Lemon-juice 1/4 oz.
+ White brandy 1/2 oz.
+
+"Boil the whole, and skim it clear from all scum. Use it night and
+morning.
+
+"A famous preparation with the Spanish ladies for removing the effects
+of the sun and making the complexion bright, is composed simply of equal
+parts of lemon-juice and the white of eggs. The whole is beat together
+in a varnished earthen pot, and set over a slow fire, and stirred with a
+wooden spoon till it acquires the consistence of soft pomatum. This
+compound is called Pommade de Seville. If the face is well washed with
+rice-water before it is applied, it will remove freckles, and give a
+fine lustre to the complexion."
+
+
+
+
+------------------------------------------------------------------------
+
+Transcriber's Note:
+
+
+Minor punctuation errors (e.g. missing, misprinted or misplaced
+punctuation) have been corrected without note. Inconsistent hyphenation
+(e.g. ball room, ball-room; bon-bons, bonbons), spelling (e.g. visiters,
+visitors) and capitalization (e.g. neroli, Neroli) have not been
+corrected.
+
+Many of the "Receipts" are nearly identical. This has not been changed.
+
+The following changes were made to the text:
+
+p. 31: admissable to admissible (black lace mittens are admissible)
+
+p. 45: oclock to o'clock (Thursday evening next, at 8 o'clock)
+
+p. 137: left to right (On the upper right hand corner of your envelope)
+
+p. 160: violincello to violoncello (a piano, violin, and violoncello)
+
+p. 204: missing "of" added (the most graceful of dances)
+
+p. 214: guaze to gauze (with a gauze of a different color)
+
+p. 221: kneedles to needles (needles should be of the smallest size)
+
+p. 235: extra close quote removed (entered that house.)
+
+p. 244: extra "the" removed (in the highest and lowest classes)
+
+p. 260: returnes to returns (she returns from her bridal tour)
+
+p. 278: double quotes to single quotes ('Appetite,' says Dr. Combe,
+'revives after repose.')
+
+p. 305: extra "a" removed (containing a mixture in equal portions)
+
+p. 318: extra "of" removed (four ounces of butter)
+
+p. 326: inpair to impair (impair the color)
+
+p. 340: acquired to acquires (till it acquires)
+
+------------------------------------------------------------------------
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and
+Manual of Politeness, by Florence Hartley
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE ***
+
+***** This file should be named 35123.txt or 35123.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+ https://www.gutenberg.org/3/5/1/2/35123/
+
+Produced by Julia Miller, S.D., and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by The
+Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries)
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+https://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See
+paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works. See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+ the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+ you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is
+ owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+ has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+ Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments
+ must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+ prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+ returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+ sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+ address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+ the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+ you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+ does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+ License. You must require such a user to return or
+ destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+ and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+ Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+ money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+ electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+ of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+ distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+https://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at https://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+ Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+ Chief Executive and Director
+ gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit https://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including including checks, online payments and credit card
+donations. To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+ https://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
diff --git a/35123.zip b/35123.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..fc7d62e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35123.zip
Binary files differ
diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6312041
--- /dev/null
+++ b/LICENSE.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
+This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements,
+metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be
+in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES.
+
+Procedures for determining public domain status are described in
+the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org.
+
+No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in
+jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize
+this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright
+status under the laws that apply to them.
diff --git a/README.md b/README.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..af072ef
--- /dev/null
+++ b/README.md
@@ -0,0 +1,2 @@
+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #35123 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/35123)
generated by cgit v1.2.3 (git 2.25.1) at 2025-12-17 07:01:47 +0000