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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Hubble-Shue, by Christian Carstairs
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Hubble-Shue
+
+Author: Christian Carstairs
+
+Release Date: January 22, 2011 [EBook #35039]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE HUBBLE-SHUE ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Charlene Taylor and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+THE HUBBLE-SHUE.
+
+
+BY
+
+MISS CARSTAIRS.
+
+
+    Harry, harry, hobillischowe!
+    Se quha is cummyn nowe.
+
+    THE CRYING OF ANE PLAYE.
+
+
+[THIRTY COPIES PRINTED.]
+
+EDINBURGH:
+Printed by ANDREW SHORTREDE, Thistle Lane.
+
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTORY NOTICE.
+
+
+If originality be a test of genius, the authoress of the _Hubble-Shue_
+bids fair to rank highest amongst the dramatic writers of the last
+century. This rare merit even the most fastidious critic must allow:
+but her histrionic essay is, in another respect, equally remarkable. We
+are told that obscurity is one of the sources of the sublime; and who
+will presume to deny that this drama is not sufficiently obscure?
+Perhaps the most remarkable feature in it is that singular, partially
+intelligible mystification, which we in vain look for in other writers:
+thus, when Gustard enters with his sword drawn, is it possible to
+figure any thing more intelligible and natural than that the cat should
+run in beneath the bed? But, on the other hand, who was Gustard?--why
+was his sword drawn?--what did he want?--how came the cat there? are
+questions, the solution of which is not easy. Then we have the
+interesting Lady Gundie, who flits across the stage without saying a
+word, like one of the phantom kings in Macbeth, leaving the beholder in
+a state of the most feverish excitement. In short, so much is left to
+the imagination, that the mind gets quite bewildered, and we regard
+with most profound veneration a drama capable of producing such
+extraordinary sensations.
+
+Perhaps there is not in the forcible vernacular of our country, a more
+touching description than the interesting child's graphic account of
+the horrid crocodile devouring a yellow Indian for his luncheon, with
+as much relish, and as little remorse, as the pitiless black men seized
+upon the blessed missionary, and "eat him all up."[1] Hard must that
+heart be, which cannot feel for the situation of the hapless
+daughter--who but a Cannibal or a Whig would refuse a tear of
+sympathy?--and who does not fondly hope that the charming little story
+teller will be relieved by the "little senna," and "the puke" which the
+tender apothecary, in the fulness of his heart, prescribes for her?
+Touches such as these mark the poet. Were we, however, to dwell upon
+all the beauties, our pages would swell into a large folio; but we must
+restrain our inclinations, as we intend gratifying our readers with a
+few extracts from the poetical lucubrations of the amiable writer, of
+whose personal history, we regret to say, little is known.
+
+      [1] The lamentable occurrence, to which allusion is here made, is
+      as follows:--
+
+      A venerable missionary was put ashore on one of the South Sea
+      Islands, where he was most graciously received by the king,
+      queen, and the rest of the royal family. During the time the
+      vessel remained, which was only a few days, this useful person
+      was fed most luxuriously, and every attention was paid to
+      him--the result of which was, that in a short time he became
+      uncommonly plump. The vessel which brought him, had occasion a
+      few months afterwards to touch at the island, and inquiry was
+      made for the excellent person who had been left there. But the
+      king and court did not seem inclined to afford much information,
+      merely contenting themselves with answering, "Squi wab squob
+      squavarab skoi rig," which, being interpreted, runs thus, "Very
+      fine man the missionary." At last the captain got the king and
+      some of the chiefs to dinner, when his majesty, (after having got
+      drunk, in answer to an inquiry after the missionary,) exclaimed,
+      "Squi wab squob squavarab skoi rig, skadery shoy oy lig baggary
+      bhum;" meaning, "Fine man the missionary--eat him all up one
+      day."
+
+      It turned out that the missionary, in consequence of good usage,
+      had got so fat and sleek, that the king and chiefs could not
+      resist the inclination, which, during the progress of his
+      fattening had been increasing; so they gave a public feast, at
+      which the missionary, cooked in a variety of ways, formed the
+      standing dish.
+
+Her name, it is understood, was Carstairs. She was by occupation a
+governess, and was nearly related to the Bruce Carstairs, a family of
+great respectability in Fifeshire.
+
+In the year 1786, there was published "Original Poems, by a Lady,
+dedicated to Miss Ann Henderson. A tribute to gratitude and
+friendship." Edinburgh, 4to. To the copy presently before the editor,
+the following note is attached: "These poems, neatly stitched in
+marbled paper, price 6sh. Commissions to be sent to Mr Andrew Steel,[2]
+writer, Adam's Court; Mr F. Fraser, writer, James's Court; and Mrs
+Robertson, foot of New Street." Besides the internal evidence,
+sufficient in itself to fix the authorship upon Miss Carstairs, she
+has herself removed all dubiety by mentioning upon the first number,
+that this poetical banquet has been prepared "by the author of the
+Hubble-Shue."
+
+      [2] Afterwards a Writer to the Signet--better known as the great
+      Peat Moss Philosopher.
+
+Where there is such a variety of sweets, selection is difficult, but we
+will do our best. There is one charming little song entitled "The
+Basket of Flowers," in which the sentiment and versification are alike
+admirable. There is a touching simplicity about it, with which the
+reader will doubtlessly be enraptured:--
+
+    Profusely gay, they catch the eye,
+    This one I chuse and most admire.
+                                   &c.
+
+    Such as the rose may MARY be,
+    When youth is fled. She's good to me.
+                                   &c.
+
+    Stranger I came without a name,
+    All these fine flowers she brought to me.
+                                   &c.
+
+    Softly, my lyre--that silken string,
+    Tuned to a gift so sweet to sing.
+                                   &c.
+
+    The blushing rose, and jessamine,
+    Sweet is that air--sweet lyre again.
+                                   &c.
+
+    Than blushing rose or jessamine,
+    Dearer to me in friendship's name.
+                                   &c.
+
+    Softly, my lyre, that trembling string,
+    Friendship so new, a fleeting thing!
+                                   &c.
+
+    No, strike! nor tremble, tremble so,
+    Friendship and virtue thou art one.
+                Friendship and virtue, &c.
+
+The lamentable fate of the hapless Mary has been made the subject of a
+series of fragments, from which it would be unpardonable not to give a
+specimen. Can there be any thing more affecting than the following?
+
+    --Had she, as thou! Lucretia--durst--
+    But here the soul! superior by her faith,
+    Triumph'd--and for her country and her son,
+    Endured, in misery, all her cruel fate,
+    Accursed marriage!--deep laid Malice. O MARY!
+    Their vill'nous designs--were here accomplish'd,--
+    And stabb'd thy fame! But time shall bring to light
+    Their darkest deeds--and heal thy wounded name.
+    --Avaunt thou!--Murray, Morton, Bothwell,
+    And thou Elizabeth, great as a Queen,
+    But deadly in thy hate--as desperate by thy love.
+    Mary and Essex, victims of thy ire,
+    Bright stars that fell by thy malignant breath,
+    Yet, yet I weep for thee--thy woman's weakness,
+                      And thy jealous mind,--
+    O they were punishment enough--forgive,
+    Forgive, O mighty God! forgive.
+
+Many have written on this subject, but certainly none more effectively
+than Miss Carstairs, although passages do occur in the magnificent
+historical poem of Mary Queen of Scots, by Margaretta Wedderburn,[3]
+which may admit of a comparison. We may instance that in which the
+unfortunate Mary is made to say,
+
+    In history, my foul catastrophe
+    Is told by Dr Robertson, and others,
+    In colours lively, delicate, and just.
+
+      [3] Bannatyne Club Edition. Edin. 1811.
+
+As every one must be familiar with a poem, which will be read when
+Shakespeare and Byron are not, a simple reference only is necessary.
+One of the first poets of the age has more recently enriched the pages
+of the New Scots Magazine with verses on the same subject, yet we
+must confess, in our humble estimation, that the Carstairs remains
+inviolate--_virgo intacta_. That our readers, however, may judge
+for themselves, we subjoin a stanza or two.
+
+    I dwell upon a mournful theme; however dark it be,
+    It is no vague, no empty dream, that visions such to me:
+    Were all my numbers flowing rills, all glittering stars my dots,
+    Yet could I never sing the ills of--Mary Queen of Scots!
+
+    Oh! she was bright and beautiful--her charms her birth enhance;
+    Descended from a hundred kings--the Dowager of France.
+    Yet she was born in grief, to bear the trials Heaven allots--
+    To which, "alas! all flesh is heir"--e'en Mary Queen of Scots!
+
+    Yes, she was bright and beautiful--unfortunate and fair;
+    The captive of a tyrant Queen, the victim of despair;
+    What youthful heart from folly's free? what star hath not its spots?
+    The virtues veil the faults we see in Mary Queen of Scots.
+
+               *       *       *       *       *
+
+    Away! away!--the breezes swell--the surging waters foam!
+    "Farewell! beloved France; farewell, my country, and my home!
+    "I'll never, never see thee more, tho' dear to all my thots:"[4]
+    Thus sobb'd, as sunk the fading shore, poor Mary Queen of Scots.[5]
+
+      [4] Poeticé for thoughts.
+
+      [5] Ascribed to the immortal quill of Mr Charles Doyne Sillery.
+      See _New Scots Mag._ vol. ii. p. 168.
+
+We cannot pass over the little gem entitled
+
+    THE NIGHTINGALE.
+
+    Oh! could my sweet plaint lull to rest,
+    Soften one sigh--as thou dream'st,
+    I'd sit the whole night on thy tree,
+    And sing, ---- ---- sing, ---- ----
+                   With the thorn at my breast.
+
+We omit innumerable beauties to insert this sweet song to the tune of
+"Here awa', there awa'."
+
+    Farewell my Betty, and farewell my Annie,
+    And farewell my Ammie, and farewell my friends.
+                                   &c.
+
+    Farewell to these plains and to innocent freedom,
+    Believe me, my heart was akin to these scenes.
+                                   &c.
+
+    In each cheerful moment I meant you a pleasure,
+    And ne'er gave offence, but it gave me more pain.
+                                   &c.
+
+    Through the lang muir I'll think of my Willie,
+    And through the lang muir I'll think o' him again.
+          Through the lang muir I'll think o' my Willie,
+          And through the lang muir I'll think o't again.
+
+While the foregoing exquisite lines still ring upon the ears of the
+reader, the merit of the ensuing stanzas cannot be fully appreciated.
+
+    VERSES UPON A MUFF.
+
+    Altho' it may be black,
+    Altho' it may be grey,
+    Altho' it may be brown,
+    'Tis all the same to me.
+
+    For while it keeps my fingers warm,
+    I care not for its colour,
+    But I wish it as large as a sugar barrel,
+    And as soft as a down pillow.
+
+It is delightful to mark the strong _amor patriæ_ displayed in the
+following lines addressed to a young lady who was going to India:
+
+    Shall we once more then meet on Albion's coast,
+    Before, my dear, in India you're a toast?
+    There gilded pleasures wait your jet-black eyes,
+    And Asian youths for Scots Maria dies.
+    Yes! they may die--and die--and die again,
+    But ye's return, and wed a Scotish swain--
+                                  Or wed him there.
+
+We shall conclude our extracts with the following magnificent effusion,
+the exact meaning of which kindred minds only can understand.
+
+    _Sept._ 13, 1786.
+
+    ----In a triumphal car,
+    Round the Town-house of Berwick,
+    The Genius of Tweed
+    Drove the Genius of Scotland,
+    From Berwick to town, on a mouthful of porter
+    She begg'd at a door of a generous ostler.
+
+The Editor has now completed this arduous undertaking, in which his
+sole object has been to rescue from oblivion these remarkable relics;
+and although so many years have been sacrificed without the prospect of
+a corresponding return for the laborious exertion bestowed--severer
+than was at first anticipated--he has steadfastly brought the work to
+a conclusion under circumstances of considerable difficulty and
+discouragement. In conclusion, he has only to observe, that it has all
+along been his anxious study to furnish, in a scrupulously faithful and
+accurate manner, an exact copy of the text, without using even the
+slightest liberty with the masculine phraseology of the original.
+
+_December_, 1833.
+
+
+
+
+THE HUBBLE-SHUE.
+
+
+DEDICATED
+
+TO THE
+
+HONOURABLE ANTIQUARIAN SOCIETY.
+
+
+
+
+THE HUBBLE-SHUE.
+
+
+
+
+N.
+
+'Tis false--'tis a mistake--there's not one word of truth in it.
+
+M.
+
+Never was a man so astonished--if he had been shot out of the mouth of
+a cannon, he could not have been more confounded.
+
+_Enter_ LADY GUNDIE.
+
+Good God!--there is not one great name in the whole town that is not in
+her list.
+
+    No wonder than he was in a passion.
+    She flew at him like a tiger.
+
+N.
+
+    No, no--he was in no passion.
+    For God's sake let us hear some of her poems.
+
+M.
+
+Her poems!--some of them are pretty enough, to be sure--and feeling--as
+one might say--(_takes a great snuff_)--But, for the dramatic piece,
+certainly never was any thing so ridiculous.
+
+N.
+
+Her dramatic!--the thing she calls the _Scundum_ is ten times better
+than the dramatic.
+
+M.
+
+Dare you, sir!--that's altogether an imposition--that verse was written
+by her sister.
+
+_Enter_ GUSTARD _with a drawn sword, and the Cat runs in beneath the
+bed_.
+
+
+SCENE II.
+
+_A door opens, and discovers a long table, with twenty covers--a fine
+sideboard, with a display of silver-plate, china, glasses, &c. The
+company ushered in by a fine powdered footman_,--_The_ SCRIVENER _and
+his_ WIFE--_their three_ DAUGHTERS--_a_ FAT MINISTER _and his_
+DAUGHTER--_other two young_ LADIES--MRS UMPHREY, _a widow_--_a_ WEST
+INDIAN STUDENT--_three_ LIEUTENANTS--_an_ IRISHMAN--_an old_ ENSIGN,
+_and a_ COLONEL.
+
+THE LADY OF THE HOUSE.
+
+Do you choose a little soup, ma'am?
+
+MRS ----
+
+I am terribly fatigued--I would rather have a pâté.
+
+FAT MINISTER.
+
+Hobbernob, Miss--Colonel, I fancy our bonny lasses at home are little
+short of the three _tits_--you took at the battle of _Malplackuy_.
+
+COLONEL.
+
+I can remember yet how they blush'd, when they were set up amongst us
+youngsters.
+
+FAT MINISTER.
+
+They would be educate in a nunnery.
+
+COLONEL.
+
+She had the most enchanting voice--the one with the dark hair.
+
+ENSIGN.
+
+It was the sweetest evening.
+
+MRS UMPHREY.
+
+Give me the pepper.
+
+IRISHMAN.
+
+Zoms--Miss--take care of your feathers--has the scoundrel spilt the
+gravy down your back?
+
+ENSIGN.
+
+Colonel, do you remember the locket--on her white arm?
+
+COLONEL.
+
+And her mild blue eyes.
+
+FAT MINISTER.
+
+Ay, ay--He's wanting to introduce his story again; and to tell us how
+she look'd when the soldiers crowded round the tent to listen to her
+song.
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Sweet was her song.
+
+      And soft the enchanted air,
+    That angels paused, and hung
+      Their golden harps.
+
+ENSIGN.
+
+She did not know at that time that her lover was wounded.
+
+FAT MINISTER.
+
+Come, Nan--give us one of your songs.
+
+DAUGHTER.
+
+Yes, papa.
+
+    Down in the vale,
+      The dew hung on the rose--
+
+FAT MINISTER.
+
+None of your vales, nor your dews and your roses--and your flowery
+fields, and your myrtle groves.
+
+    Play, "Up and waur them a', Willie."
+    Miss, are you for a jig?
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Ladies, good-night--I have seen the time when I would have passed up
+amongst the gayest--I am now an old fellow.
+
+FAT MINISTER.
+
+And has a tear for pity.
+
+COLONEL.
+
+Yes, sir; and a heart that can feel the happiness of others.
+
+(_They all crowd round him._)
+
+Oh, sir, you must not leave us--you must not go away.
+
+(_The Company move to the Withdrawing Room._)
+
+FAT MINISTER.
+
+Come, Miss, give us your Italian--
+
+MISS.
+
+Yes, papa.
+
+    Si li si ti o to,
+    Ki li qui si o so,
+      Fa la se scud.
+    Qui a vi a vi a,
+    Que a vi a ve a,
+      Qui a vi a bo, &c.
+
+_Enter_ MRS CONSUL _and her_ GRANDCHILD.
+
+MRS CONSUL.
+
+Madam, I beg you ten thousand pardons, it was not in my power to wait
+upon you at dinner; there is no separating my grandchild and the little
+black girl.
+
+CHILD.
+
+O mamma, I'm frightened!
+
+MRS CONSUL.
+
+Why are you frightened?
+
+CHILD.
+
+The little girl says, a great fish (a crocodile) came out of the water,
+(the Ganges,) and devoured her father--and a fine gentleman came
+running with a sword, and stabb'd the monster--and her father was all
+bloody, and she would have been killed; but the fine gentleman took her
+away, and they were carried by black mans with muslin on their head,
+(turbans)--and the fine gentleman gave her to a great lady--All the
+fine things could not make her forget her poor father--He was very
+hungry, and as she lay on his arm, beneath the tree where the ugly
+monster came, he was giving her a little rice--it is all--the last
+mor--sel.
+
+FAT MINISTER.
+
+Hold your tongue, my bonny dear, and you and the black girl shall go to
+the dancing school.
+
+CHILD.
+
+No, mamma.--(_Cries._)
+
+MRS CONSUL.
+
+No, my love.--(_One of the gentlemen takes her on his knee_--_dries her
+eyes._)
+
+(_A Footman enters._)
+
+The coach is come, madam.
+
+THE LADY OF THE HOUSE.
+
+Madam, we are going to the play; will you be so obliging as make one of
+the party? It will divert miss.
+
+CHILD.
+
+Take me home, mamma--take me to Cloy.
+
+T.
+
+A name for a dog.
+
+MRS CONSUL.
+
+Come, my dear--Excuse me, madam--my child is really not well--feel her
+hand--I am afraid she's feverish.
+
+(_The Apothecary steps aside, and whispers_--)
+
+Madam, you had better give miss a little senna and a puke; if it
+operates six times, it will be sufficient.
+
+(_They go to the Playhouse._)
+
+Mr Woods comes on the stage, and makes a genteel apology, that the
+play, from an accident, must be put off for half an hour.
+
+In the meantime, Mrs Kennedy (though not expressed in the bills)
+obligingly appears, and sings--
+
+    How sweet's the love
+    That meets return.
+
+Then a beautiful young girl, dressed in the character of Spring, sings,
+and skimming along the stage,--
+
+    When you hear a mournful tale,
+      Laugh and hide your tears;
+    When you hear a mournful tale,
+      Laugh and hide your tears.
+            La--a--a--a--laugh, &c.
+
+"This is poor entertainment"--(_from one of the boxes._)
+
+An orange from the footman's gallery hits the Irishman such a blow on
+the nose.--He flies upon the stage, drawing his dagger--throws one of
+the players heels o'er head--wounds Mr Hallion--makes such a hubbub,
+the gentlemen from the pit are obliged to interfere.
+
+The house in great confusion--the company, crowding to the door, with
+great difficulty get to their coaches--a dreadful storm--a dark
+night--a nabob's carriage driving like Jehu--the coachman, being drunk,
+overturns one of the hackneys--they shriek frightfully, and the
+minister roars like a bull.
+
+The old Ensign, chancing to walk on foot, comes up, and helps to lug
+them out.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Hubble-Shue, by Christian Carstairs
+
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