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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Scribleriad and The Difference Between
+Verbal and Practical Virtue, by Anonymous and Lord Hervey
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Scribleriad and The Difference Between Verbal and Practical Virtue
+
+Author: Anonymous
+ Lord Hervey
+
+Editor: A. J. Sambrook
+
+Release Date: January 3, 2011 [EBook #34821]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SCRIBLERIAD AND THE ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Chris Curnow, Joseph Cooper and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+ THE AUGUSTAN REPRINT SOCIETY
+
+ THE SCRIBLERIAD
+
+ (Anonymous)
+
+ (1742)
+
+
+ LORD HERVEY
+
+ THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
+ VERBAL AND PRACTICAL VIRTUE
+
+ (1742)
+
+
+ _Introduction by_
+ A. J. SAMBROOK
+
+
+ PUBLICATION NUMBER 125
+ WILLIAM ANDREWS CLARK MEMORIAL LIBRARY
+ UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, LOS ANGELES
+ 1967
+
+
+
+
+GENERAL EDITORS
+
+ George Robert Guffey, _University of California, Los Angeles_
+ Earl Miner, _University of California, Los Angeles_
+ Maximillian E. Novak, _University of California, Los Angeles_
+ Robert Vosper, _William Andrews Clark Memorial Library_
+
+
+ADVISORY EDITORS
+
+ Richard C. Boys, _University of Michigan_
+ James L. Clifford, _Columbia University_
+ Ralph Cohen, _University of California, Los Angeles_
+ Vinton A. Dearing, _University of California, Los Angeles_
+ Arthur Friedman, _University of Chicago_
+ Louis A. Landa, _Princeton University_
+ Samuel H. Monk, _University of Minnesota_
+ Everett T. Moore, _University of California, Los Angeles_
+ Lawrence Clark Powell, _William Andrews Clark Memorial Library_
+ James Sutherland, _University College, London_
+ H. T. Swedenberg, Jr., _University of California, Los Angeles_
+
+
+CORRESPONDING SECRETARY
+
+ Edna C. Davis, _William Andrews Clark Memorial Library_
+
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTION
+
+
+Though they are never particularly edifying, literary quarrels may at
+times be educative. Always savage, attacks on Pope reached their lowest
+depths of scurrility in 1742, when, in addition to the usual prose and
+doggerel verse pamphlets, engravings were being circulated portraying Pope
+in a brothel--this on the basis of the story told in the notorious _Letter
+from Mr. Cibber to Mr. Pope_, dated 7 July 1742.[1] The Augustan Reprint
+Society has already reissued three of the anonymous Grub Street attacks
+made upon Pope in this busy year,[2] but the present volume is intended to
+complete the picture of the battle-lines by reprinting a verse attack
+launched from the court--by Hervey presenting himself as Cibber's
+ally--and a verse defence that comes, in point of artistry, clearly from
+or near Grub Street itself.
+
+Lord Hervey's verses, _The Difference between Verbal and Practical
+Virtue_, were published between 21 and 24 August 1742, less than a week
+after the same author's prose pamphlet (_A Letter to Mr. C--b--r, On his
+Letter to Mr. P----._) which had compared the art of Pope and Cibber to
+Cibber's advantage, and had roundly concluded that Pope was "_a
+second-rate Poet_, a _bad Companion_, a _dangerous Acquaintance_, an
+_inveterate, implacable Enemy_, _nobody's Friend_, a _noxious Member of
+Society_, and _a thorough bad Man_." In the course of the prose pamphlet
+Hervey had suggested that there was a certain incongruity between Pope's
+true character and his assumed _persona_ of the "virtuous man," and this
+incongruity forms the main subject of his verse attack. Here Hervey finds
+examples of "the difference between verbal and practical virtue" in the
+lives of Horace, Seneca, and Sallust, before turning to lampoon Pope
+crossly and ineptly. The attack on Horace is well conceived for Hervey's
+purpose and calculated to damage Pope who was in so many eyes, including
+his own, the modern heir of that ancient poet, but the straight abuse
+directed against Pope's person is sad stuff. Such lines as those on the
+"yelping Mungril" (p. 6) serve only to show how squarely the "well-bred
+Spaniels" taunt in the _Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot_ had hit its target.
+Hervey's poem carried a prefatory letter headed "Mr. C--b--er to Mr. P.,"
+making out that Cibber had a hand in writing the poem itself. Coming so
+soon after Hervey's _Letter to Cibber_, which had carried the markedly
+intimate subscription "With the greatest Gratitude and Truth, most
+affectionately yours," this prefatory letter to the poem further
+emphasized Hervey's firm and deliberate alliance with Cibber.
+
+Evidently it was the strangeness of this alliance between the two
+opponents of Pope that struck the fancy of that unidentified "Scriblerus"
+whose "Epistle to the Dunces," _The Scribleriad_, was published between 30
+September and 2 October 1742. When Hervey was "affectionately yours" to
+Cibber, the two stood shoulder to shoulder so temptingly open to a single
+volley that the author of _The Scribleriad_ could fairly claim, as Pope
+had claimed in the appendix to _The Dunciad Variorum_ of 1729, that "the
+_Poem was not made for these Authors, but these Authors for the Poem_."
+Hervey appears as "Narcissus," the nickname Pope had used for him in _The
+New Dunciad_. A "late Vice-Chamberlain" (because he had been dismissed
+from that post in July 1742) still gorged with the fulsome dedication of
+Conyers Middleton's _Life of Cicero_ (1741), he is shown (pp. 11-13)
+rousing Cibber. Cibber's situation, reclining on the lap of Dulness where
+he is found by Hervey, is taken from _The New Dunciad_, while his general
+Satanic role parallels Theobald's in _The Dunciad Variorum_. This may
+reflect common knowledge that Pope was at work on revisions that would
+raise Cibber to the Dunces' throne, but the belief that Cibber was King of
+the Dunces had been widespread from the date of his appointment as Poet
+Laureate.[3] _The Scribleriad_ follows the general run of satires against
+Cibber--attacking his senile infatuation for Peg Woffington, his violently
+demagogic and chauvinistic _Nonjuror_ (first acted in 1717 but still
+drawing an audience in 1741), his laureate odes and his frank
+commercialization of art.
+
+Although the writer of _The Scribleriad_ was obviously prompted by the
+example of _The Dunciad_ and borrows many details from Pope, his poem has
+very little of that mock-epic quality its title might lead a reader to
+expect. There are slight traces of parody of Virgil when, on page 16,
+Cibber appears as Aeneas (the character he was soon to assume in _The
+Dunciad in Four Books_) and the epicene Hervey is portrayed as a
+rejuvenated Sybil guiding the hero through a hell of duncery. There are
+hints of _Paradise Lost_ too, when Cibber, Satan-like, undertakes his
+mission (p. 17) and the dunces, Belial-like, agree "they're better in a
+cursed State,/Than to be totally annihilate" (p. 5). But "Scriblerus'" use
+of Virgil and Milton, unlike Pope's, does not import some graver meaning
+into his poem; it provides him with neither a framework of moral symbols
+nor a continuous narrative thread.
+
+The action is slight and its setting vague. Sometimes we are in a brothel,
+crowded with bullies, punks, lords, draymen and linkboys, and managed by
+Cibber (pp. 11-12) or by Dulness (p. 10). This setting, together with the
+claim that Cibber's own muse is a prostitute (p. 8), serves as a retort to
+the Tom-Tit in the brothel story in Cibber's _Letter to Pope_ and to
+emphasize the element of literary prostitution in the activities of Cibber
+and his like. At other times the setting is a regular dunces' club (pp. 9,
+16) of the type chronicled in the pages of _The Grub Street Journal_.
+Towards the end of the poem it is an Assembly Room (p. 19) presided over
+by the Goddess of Puffs (a happy development of that more commonplace
+mythical figure "Fame," Dulness' handmaiden in _The New Dunciad_) who sets
+a test for the dunces and judges their performance. Only in this
+concluding episode can this rather shapeless poem (which certainly is
+neither the mock epic nor the epistle that its title-page promises) be
+assigned to any regular literary "kind." This "kind" is that favorite of
+the seventeenth and early eighteenth centuries, the "Sessions Poem."[4]
+
+"Scriblerus'" account of the sessions of the dunces is more allusive and
+particularized than the rest of the poem and consequently calls for
+somewhat more detailed comment. The chief cases at the sessions embrace
+the pamphlet battle of summer 1742 and theatrical rivalry in the 1741-42
+London season. Cibber's contribution to the paper-war, the _Letter to
+Pope_ (written according to Cibber "At the Desire of several Persons of
+Quality"), is introduced at page 17 and consigned on page 19 to William
+Lewis its printer. Hervey stalks in "under VIRTUE's Name" in a "borrow'd
+Shape" (p. 24), an allusion to the suggestion in the prefatory epistle to
+_The Difference between Verbal and Practical Virtue_ that the poem was
+Cibber's work. (The "horse him" on 25 of _The Scribleriad_ refers to
+Cibber's adaptation of Shakespeare's _Richard III._) Other pamphlets
+issued in August 1742 are mentioned on page 24--_Sawney and Colley_,[5]
+which "Scriblerus" calls "CLODDY's Dialogue," and _A Blast upon Bays_.[6]
+
+Turning to the theatre, "Scriblerus" attacks all three major companies of
+the 1741-42 London season. He first introduces the two patented theatres,
+Drury Lane and Covent Garden, as rivals only in that debased dramatic form
+the pantomime. "The angry _Quack_" (p. 25) is John Weaver, dancing master
+at Drury Lane and author of _Anatomical and Mechanical Lectures upon
+Dancing_ (1721), who claimed for himself[7] the credit of having
+originated pantomime upon the English stage. Weaver's _Orpheus and
+Eurydice_ at Drury Lane (1718) was hardly noticed, whereas John Rich had
+more recently bestowed "an ORPHEUS on the Town" (p. 25) to very different
+effect. Rich's _Orpheus and Eurydice: With the Metamorphoses of Harlequin_
+had opened on 12 February 1740 at Covent Garden, where he was manager.
+With Rich himself as Harlequin, it was a wild success that
+season--remaining a regular and highly popular afterpiece through the
+1741-42 season and later.
+
+What _The Scribleriad_ tells us of "_Ambivius Turpio_, the Stage 'Squire"
+(p. 26) suggests that he is to be identified with Charles Fleetwood,
+Esq.,[8] the wealthy, inexperienced amateur who managed Drury Lane (this
+even though the original Ambivius Turpio was an actor, while Fleetwood,
+apparently, was not). All managers were frequently involved in disputes
+over actors' pay, but Fleetwood's were the most notorious. It was the
+Drury Lane company that included "the contending POLLYS" (p. 27)--Mrs.
+Cibber and Mrs. Clive who had bitterly quarrelled in 1736 over who should
+play that role in _The Beggar's Opera_. Fleetwood, like Rich, gave a play
+for the benefit of Shakespeare's monument in Westminster Abbey.[9] What
+little that Fleetwood knew of management he might well have learned from
+his one-time under-manager Theophilus Cibber, the "young PTOLOMY" (p. 27)
+who, of course, had derived his knowledge from his "great Sire alone."
+
+The third theatre attacked in _The Scribleriad_ is Goodman's Fields. Its
+manager, Henry Giffard, had no patent, but contrived to evade the
+Licensing Act by the subterfuge of charging admission to a concert in two
+parts and then offering, "gratis" in the interval, a regular full-length
+play and afterpiece. The "City Wrath" (p. 26) arose from the fact that the
+theatre was inside the City boundaries and was thought to encourage vice;
+indeed, Sir John Barnard and his fellow aldermen managed to prevent it
+opening for the 1742-43 season and thereafter. Allusions in the poem are
+to the theatre's highly successful 1741-42 season when Garrick sprang to
+fame as Cibber's Richard III and also played Tate's King Lear. On page 26
+"Scriblerus" sneers at Garrick's small stature,[10] and refers to the
+impropriety of including the figure of Cato in the decor at Goodman's
+Fields.
+
+Targets outside the three theatrical companies are chosen from among the
+obvious ones already attacked by Pope. Mrs. Haywood, who in 1742 had
+turned publisher under the sign of "Fame," is shown (p. 21) appropriately
+enough as the first dunce to recognize the Goddess of Puffs. "The Chief of
+the translating Bards" (p. 23) is the aged and industrious Ozell, and his
+fellows include Theobald and Thomas Cooke (p. 24).[11] The satire extends
+to touch the Administration and the City, with references to Britain's
+hitherto inactive part in the War of the Austrian Succession (p. 9) and to
+the manner in which stock-jobbers used false war news to aid their
+financial speculations (p. 4). It alludes to the "grand Debate" (p. 8) of
+the committee set up in March 1742 to consider charges of corruption
+against the deposed Walpole (created Lord Orford in February), which by
+the end of the summer had fizzled out, doubtless because so many members
+of the new government, including the numerous "Peers new-made" (p. 9), had
+shared Walpole's peculations and wished to cover their tracks. When it
+hits at the King for his patronage of Cibber (p. 13), at the Queen for her
+ridiculous Merlin's Cave and waxworks in Richmond Gardens (p. 16),[12] and
+at the _Daily Gazeteer_ which, until Walpole's fall, had been expensively
+subsidized from the government secret service fund and had numbered among
+its journalists such highly placed statesmen as Walpole's brother
+Horatio--then, _The Scribleriad_ suggests, there is a general conspiracy
+between high ranks and low to encourage Dulness. The Hervey-Cibber
+alliance is merely the most recent manifestation of this conspiracy.
+
+Although it so obviously arises immediately out of the pamphlet battle of
+summer 1742, _The Scribleriad_ manages to range more widely in its satire
+than the anti-Pope lampoons it replies to. Further, it contrives to bring
+in Pope himself without degrading him to the level of his antagonists.
+This is done by mounting him on Pegasus and likening the dunces to curs
+(pp. 13-14), or comparing him to the sun whose warmth hatches out maggots
+(pp. 6, 29):
+
+ How many, who have Reams of Paper spoil'd,
+ Have often sleepless Nights obscurely toil'd,
+ And buried in their Eggs, like Silkworms, lay
+ 'Till his warm Satire shew'd them Life and Day?
+ Here then, my Sons, is all your living Hope,
+ To be immortal Scriblers, rail at POPE.
+
+The image, the attitude and the phrasing alike are borrowed from Pope, for
+_The Scribleriad_ is highly derivative throughout. Only two or three times
+does "Scriblerus" improve at all upon the many hints he steals from Pope.
+I have already mentioned the Goddess Puffs, but other happy touches are to
+be found in a spirited travesty (pp. 16-17) of the opening lines from
+Ovid's _Metamorphoses_, Book XIII:[13]
+
+ The Chiefs were sate, the Scriblers waited round
+
+ * * * * *
+
+ When he, the Master of the Seven-fold Face,
+ Rose gleaming thro' his own _Corinthian_ Brass.
+
+Pope had written in _The Dunciad Variorum_, "The heroes sit; the vulgar
+form a ring" (II, 352), but one of the most memorable phrases in _The
+Dunciad in Four Books_ of 1743--the ingeniously insolent "sev'nfold Face"
+(I, 244)--may well have been borrowed from _The Scribleriad_. "Corinthian
+Brass" is good also, economically combining as it does a hit against
+Cibber's effrontery and a hint of his sexual irregularities. Such strokes
+of wit are rare; _The Scribleriad_ is the work of a writer who in skill is
+far closer to Grub Street than to Pope, but it may serve as "a voice from
+the crowd" to remind us that Pope had his humbler literary supporters.
+
+ The University
+ Southampton
+
+
+
+
+NOTES TO THE INTRODUCTION
+
+
+1. The engravings are numbered 2571-2573 in F. G. Stephens, _Catalogue of
+Prints and Drawings in the British Museum, Division 1--Satires_ (London,
+1877), Vol. III, Part I. For lists of pamphlets attacking, and in some
+cases defending, Pope in 1742, see R. W. Rogers, _The Major Satires of
+Alexander Pope_ (Urbana, 1955), pp. 150, 151 and C. D. Peavy, "The
+Pope-Cibber Controversy: A Bibliography," in _Restoration and Eighteenth
+Century Theatre Research_, III (1964), 53, 54. For accounts of the
+Pope-Cibber quarrel see R. H. Barker, _Mr. Cibber of Drury Lane_ (New
+York, 1939), pp. 204-220, and N. Ault, _New Light on Pope_ (London, 1949),
+pp. 298-324.
+
+2. _Sawney and Colley_ and _Blast upon Blast_ in Number 83 (1960), and
+_The Blatant Beast_ in Number 114 (1965).
+
+3. E.g., in _The New Session of the Poets_ (_The Universal Spectator_, 6
+Feb. 1731) the Goddess Dulness calls a session and awards the crown to
+Cibber.
+
+4. See Hugh Macdonald, "Introduction," _A Journal from Parnassus_ (London,
+1937) and A. L. Williams, "Literary Backgrounds to Book Four of the
+_Dunciad_," _PMLA_, LXVIII (1953), 806-813.
+
+5. See note 2 above.
+
+6. An anti-Cibber work in prose. It is doubtful that "Scriblerus," who
+thought this work did more harm than good to Pope's cause, would have
+endorsed the British Museum catalogue's attribution of it to Pope himself.
+
+7. In _The History of the Mimes and Pantomimes_ (1728).
+
+8. Some account of Fleetwood may be found in R. W. Buss, _Charles
+Fleetwood, Holder of the Drury Lane Theatre Patent_ (privately printed,
+1915). There are hostile contemporary accounts of Fleetwood in Henry
+Carey's epistle _Of Stage Tyrants_ [(1735) reprinted in _The Poems of
+Henry Carey_, ed. F. T. Wood (1930)], in Charlotte Charke's _The Art of
+Management_ (1735), and in _A Narrative of the Life of Mrs. Charlotte
+Charke, Youngest Daughter of Colley Cibber, Written by Herself_ (1735).
+
+9. _Julius Caesar_, on 28 April 1738. Rich offered _Hamlet_ on 10 April
+1739.
+
+10. A lady once asked Foote, "Pray, Sir, are your puppets to be as large
+as life?" "Oh dear, Madam, no: not much above the size of Garrick." See
+William Cooke, _Memoirs of Samuel Foote_ (1805), II, 58.
+
+11. Theobald never published his long promised translation of Aeschylus;
+but, by bracketing it with Cooke's musical farce from Terence, _The
+Eunuch_, which _was_ performed (Drury Lane, 17 May 1737), "Scriblerus"
+seems to imply that he did complete it.
+
+12. The immediate target of this shaft was the waxwork show kept by Mrs.
+Salmon near St. Dunstan's Church in Fleet Street, but the original
+"Merlin's Cave" built for Queen Caroline in 1735 remained a standing jest
+into the 1740's.
+
+13. "Consedere duces et vulgi stante corona surgit ad hos clipei dominus
+septemplicis" (_Met._, XIII, 1-2). Dryden translates:
+
+ The Chiefs were set; the Soldiers crown'd the Field:
+ To these the Master of the seven-fold Shield
+ Upstarted fierce.
+
+
+
+
+BIBLIOGRAPHICAL NOTE
+
+
+The text of this edition of _The Scribleriad_ is reproduced from a copy in
+the Library of St. David's College, Lampeter, and that of _The Difference
+between Verbal and Practical Virtue_ from a copy in the British Museum.
+
+
+
+
+ THE SCRIBLERIAD.
+
+ BEING AN EPISTLE
+ TO THE DUNCES,
+
+ On RENEWING their
+ ATTACK upon Mr. _POPE_,
+ UNDER THEIR
+ LEADER the _LAUREAT_.
+
+
+ By SCRIBLERUS.
+
+
+ _No Author ever spares a Brother;
+ Wits are_ Game Cocks _to one another._ GAY.
+
+
+ _LONDON_:
+ Printed for W. WEBB, near St. _Paul_'s. 1742.
+ [Price Six-pence.]
+
+
+
+
+THE SCRIBLERIAD.
+
+AN EPISTLE
+
+
+ The Wits are jarring, and the Witlings strive,
+ To keep the _dying_ Quarrel still _alive_;
+ So shallow Gamesters, tho' they nothing get,
+ All blind the _Dupe_, and aid the _sly Deceit_.
+ Attend, ye SCRIBLERS! to your Leader's Call,
+ Good Sense condemn, and pointed Satire maul;
+ Ye DUNCES too! for ye not differ more
+ Than _Bluff_ and _Wittol_, or than _Bawd_ and _Whore_:
+ High on the Pedestal of Rank and State,
+ Mounts rich _Sir Dunce_, and seems to ape the Great;
+ Whilst low beneath the wretched Scribler lies,
+ And his Inscription unrewarded eyes;
+ Equal are they, whom _blund'ring Measures_ raise,
+ And Bards who sasly censure, as they praise;
+ The _Statesman_, well examin'd, will appear
+ But Counterpart of his dear _Gazetteer_:
+ Tho' One in his gilt Chariot proudly rolls,
+ Or heads in _D----g-Room_ his Brother Tools--
+ And Th' other labours hard whate'er he says,
+ Shining in Coffee-house with doubtful Phrase;
+ Still restless in all Stations, pleas'd with none;
+ For ever climbing, yet for ever down:
+ Oft have we seen, that _Noblemen_ have wrote,
+ And _Authors_ sometimes, strutting in _lac'd Coat_;
+ But widely then from Nature's Ends they err,
+ And play the Farce quite out of Character.
+ As well may pious Jobbers of the Alley
+ Pretend the _flying_ Troops of _France_ to rally.
+ To proper Spheres, my Friends! yourselves confine!
+ When COLLEY writes, a _Dunce_ may praise each Line;
+ Whether _my Lord at Length_, he views the Plan,
+ Or sculks beneath a _certain Gentleman_;
+ But if that Lord the _Pen_ or _Press_ invade,
+ Rouse, rouse, ye Tribe! he'll undermine your Trade,
+ Tho' not one brilliant Thought should hurt the whole,
+ And ev'ry Verse be bad, or lame, or stole,
+ Still, like a _mad Dog_, hunt th' Usurper dead, }
+ Tho' he _for Fame_, ye scribble to _be fed_; }
+ He stands condemn'd, who robs ye of your _Bread_. }
+ But if a Genius rise, whose pointed Wit
+ Corrects your Morals, and all Tastes shall fit,
+ Claim then the Privilege to be his Foes,
+ Ye cannot shine, but when ye Worth oppose.
+ When ye _deny_ him _Fame_, ye _fix_ your _own_,
+ And to be satirized, is to be known.
+ Some hold, they're better in a cursed State,
+ Than to be totally annihilate;
+ Thrice happy then, ye deathless, duncely Train!
+ The Subjects of the higher DUNCIAD's Strain.
+ How many, who have Reams of Paper spoil'd,
+ Have often sleepless Nights obscurely toil'd,
+ And buried in their Eggs, like Silkworms, lay
+ 'Till his warm Satire shew'd them Life and Day?
+ Here then, my Sons, is all your living Hope,
+ To be immortal Scriblers, rail at POPE.
+ Snatch'd from Oblivion, there the _Dunces_ soar,
+ TIBBALD their Monarch dubb'd, can ask no more,
+ Nor less shall ye----now COLLEY gives the Word,
+ Rouse up! and crowd into the next Record,
+ Or, lost to Memory, no other Page
+ Can possibly retrieve ye half an Age;
+ And now the glad Occasion aptly calls,
+ To _break_ more _Printers_, and to _spread_ more _Stalls_;
+ To save your _Names_ from _Lethe_, tho' your Books
+ Are doom'd the Prize of _Fruiterers_ and _Cooks_.
+ The Streams of _Helicon_ once clearly flow'd,
+ And Heav'n in their resplendent Bosom shew'd,
+ Whilst verdant Groves the sacred Mountain spread;
+ Then _Pegasus_ on Balms and Myrtles fed:
+ Now blighted _Thistles_ only crown the Top,
+ Which Herds of young _poetic Asses_ crop;
+ And, choak'd with common Sew'rs, like _Fleet-ditch_ Flood,
+ Its sable Waters writhe along the Mud;
+ Nor murm'ring wake, nor seem they quite asleep,
+ Whilst _Wits_, like _Water-rats_, around them creep.
+ If any shou'd attempt to cleanse your Streams,
+ Or wake ye from your kind lethargic Dreams,
+ Assert your Right, and render vain their Toil;
+ Yours is the Filth, then join and guard your Soil!
+ And lest ye're diffident to aid the Cause,
+ Not wholly yet broke loose from Reason's Laws,
+ View the strange Wonders of the present Times,
+ Let Empires sleep, but hear the Fate of Rhimes.
+ Let POPE lull all his _Dunces_ with a Yawn,
+ Wrapt in their Robes of _P--ple_ or of _L--wn_,
+ Whilst he shall leave one tatter'd _Muse_ awake;
+ That _Muse_ his own and others Rest shall break.
+ A Prostitute, her Charms their Vigour lose,
+ Now COLLEY keeps her, and she sups on Prose;
+ But free and common, hack'd about the Town,
+ Each of ye claim her! for she's all your own.
+ With him, unmov'd by Salary or Sack,
+ She d----ns his Impotence of _Brain_ and _Back_;
+ That thus in Age he strains at Wit's Embrace,
+ And follows W--FF--N from Place to Place;
+ But tho' _cold Prose_ to him she'll only give,
+ Ye, my pert Sons! who with more Ardour strive,
+ May raise the bastard Issue of a Verse,
+ To wear the wither'd _Bays_, or deck his _Hearse_.
+ Now for six Months had O----D shook the State
+ With _grand Removals_, and _a grand Debate_:
+ _Dunce_ elbow'd _Dunce_, each foremost wou'd advance,
+ But backward fell, as in old _Bayes_'s Dance:
+ When _Dulness_ spread her pow'rful YAWN around,
+ "And Sense and Shame, and Right and Wrong were drown'd,
+ _Enquiry_ ceas'd, and, touch'd by magic Wand,
+ Ev'n _Opposition's_ self was at a Stand;
+ On well-oil'd Hinges creaks the Prison Gate,
+ And _Pains and Penalties_ will come too late.
+ 'Twas Night's high Noon at _P--is_ and the _H--ge_,
+ And _Politics_ had died, but for poor _P--gue_;
+ For why, "The Goddess bade BRITANNIA sleep,
+ "And pour'd her Spirit o'er the Land and Deep."
+ And now the _Scriblers_, motionless and mute,
+ Sit down to count their Gains by the Dispute,
+ To see on which Side Victory hath run; }
+ Like _Mackbeth's Witches_, when the Mischief's done, }
+ They tell ye, that the Battle's _lost_ and _won_: }
+ Contriving whom to _greet_, or whom _disgrace_,
+ As _Gazettes_ speak them _in_ or _out_ of _Place_;
+ For _Panegyrics_ drein their tilted Wit
+ On Peers _new-made_, against the House shall sit,
+ Or saucily appear before their Betters
+ In _sage Advice_, or on an _old Member's Letters_:
+ Thus fate, they waiting the approaching Yawn,
+ Wishing for Sleep till the next _Sessions' Dawn_,
+ When the kind Goddess did her Jaws unclose,
+ She snor'd aloud, and strait a Vapour rose,
+ Unwholsome as the Damps a Collier meets
+ Too often in his subterraneous Pits;
+ For _Dulness_ taints all round her where she breathes,
+ As witness, COLLEY, thy dry blighted Wreaths:
+ Nor cou'd the upward Gasp disperse the Steam,
+ But from below disturb'd her _Consort's_ Dream;
+ Yet from her downy Lap he started not,
+ But mutter'd something thus--as loose of Thought;
+ "He hurts not me--my CAESAR--Satire--dull,
+ "Why all the World knows I've been long--a F--l;
+ "But now--I'll do't--Yae--ough"--so said, he drops,
+ Salutes his Queen's Effulgence, and thus stops.
+ The Throne where _Dulness_ sate, maintaining Right,
+ Resembled much some Monarch's of the Night,
+ Where gloomy Myrmidons and Punks resort,
+ And snore on Benches round his ample Court.
+ Both there and here, as in the busy World,
+ Lords, Draymen, Linkboys, in Confusion hurl'd;
+ Beneath the Monarch, fond to be employ'd,
+ NARCISSUS lay with _too much_ TULLY cloy'd;
+ As Gluttons gorg'd at City Feasts too soon,
+ Oft get their Naps before the rest lye down;
+ Their heaving Stomachs turn'd at something tart,
+ When others doze, oft make them wildly start:
+ So he--"Why, what a Pax! who'd be a L--d,
+ "If Worth and Merit only Praise afford?
+ "I can't be prais'd as _Poet_, _Wit_, or _P----r_,
+ "But that dem'd _Twick'nam_ Bard my Parts will jeer;
+ "If I can't write myself, here's COLLEY shall;
+ "I've often heard him swear--he'll stand _'em all_:
+ "If he refuse me, I have still another,
+ "I'll _hammer_ him conjointly with my B----r;
+ "But sure the _Laureat Harp_ must tune a Strain,
+ "New mended by a late _V----e C--mb--n_;
+ "For he, to give his Due unto the _Devil_,
+ "Was always to us Folks of Fashion civil."
+ Resolv'd at once, he tweaks the Monarch's Nose,
+ The Monarch snor'd--new Streams from _Dulness_ rose.
+ Close to his Ear he lays his dimpled Cheek,
+ And in soft Accents speaks, or seem'd to speak,
+ "Dear _Laureate_, rouse, the Enemy's at Hand,
+ "Another DUNCIAD travels round the Land,
+ "Whence all the sole Proprietors of Trash,
+ "Thy Friends and mine, most justly fear the Lash.
+ Vain are his Efforts--yet again he tries,
+ "Thy _Odes_!--oh save thy _Odes_!--dear _Laureat_ rise;
+ "If not for _Odes_--yet for _Love's Riddle_ wake--
+ "Nor that?--thy _Careless Husband_'s then at Stake.
+ All wou'd not do--his soft Distress preferr'd,
+ Nor the great Mother, nor the _Laureat_ heard;
+ For on her Lap so _daintily_ he lay,
+ His Senses, breath'd into her, stole away;
+ All Aims at a Recovery were vain,
+ Till she vouchsaf'd to breathe them back again.
+ "One gentle Imprecation more and then,
+ "He cries, Farewel the _Laureat_ and his _Pen_:
+ "Thy Country calls, if thou resign'st thy Sense,
+ "Yet rouse to be a Man of Consequence.
+ "Who calls thee _Dunce_, abuses too thy K--g,
+ "Whose Praises, by thy Place, thou'rt bound to sing;
+ "O! grant me Aid, assume the pleasing Task,
+ "In thy _Nonjuror_'s fav'rite Name I ask.
+ Thrice groan'd the _Ompha_, and in Thunder spoke,
+ The Blast his Sense return'd, and Slumber broke;
+ _Nonjure!_ That Word alone unbinds the Charms,
+ For _Party_-Dulness always sounds to _Arms_;
+ Upstarts the Sire--"Mistake me not, he cries,
+ "Whoever says I was asleep------he lies;
+ "You know, my L--d, how I my Wits exert,
+ "How always pleasing, and how always pert;
+ "I know your Grief, before the Cause is told;
+ "Then here my Pen in Readiness I hold.
+ "Since by Desire I enter thus the Lists,
+ "I vow Revenge--know, COLLEY ne'er desists:
+ "Then I'll pursue him with my latest Breath,
+ "Nor drop _this Pen_ 'till quite _benum'd_ with _Death_.
+ High on the Muses _Pegasus_ DAN P--PE
+ Mounts _full of Spirit_, nor vouchsafes to stoop,
+ But hears the Murmurs of the Dull upborn,
+ Low empty Curses, or vain stingless Scorn;
+ One Dash strikes all the mean Revilers down,
+ As sure as JOVE should swear by ACHERON:
+ Whether his _Person_ be their standing Jest,
+ Or his _Religion_ suits their Libels best;
+ Whether the _Author_ forms his crude Designs,
+ As the _deserted Bookseller_ repines,
+ Who, after all his _Boasts_, is tumbled by,
+ And looks at D----LEY with an evil Eye;
+ Or if their standing Topics, _Spleen_ and _Spite_,
+ _A Jesuit_,----an _Atheist_,----_Jacobite_.
+ In all their hard-strain'd Labours, squeez'd by Bits,
+ Mark well the Triumph of these wou'd-be Wits;
+ Like _Village Curs_, kick'd backward by the _Steed_,
+ Their _Noise_ and _Yelping_ their _Destruction_ breed;
+ Or if the Rider _smacks_ them with his _Whip_,
+ 'Tis more _t' unbend the Lash_, than make them _skip_:
+ Yet still they rise and at it----Goddess hail!
+ Who o'er thy Suns spread'st such a thick'ning Veil,
+ That Sense of Pain, as well as Shame, is lost,
+ And you _reward_ those best, who _blunder_ most;
+ For where are Honours, Places, Gifts bestow'd,
+ But where thy Influence is most avow'd?
+ Rest, while more modern Miracles I sing,
+ Of _Minor Dunces_ that from thee first spring;
+ But all who Recreants thy Pow'r disclaim,
+ And, Laureat-like, to _Pertness_ change thy Name;
+ And ye, her Sons, who've nothing else to do,
+ Wait, if you please, the----Vision thro':
+ You, who in Manuscript your Works retale,
+ And tag with Rhimes the latter Ends of Ale,
+ But vow th' ungrateful Age shall never see,
+ In Print, how wond'rous wise and smart ye be;
+ Or you, whose Muse has run you out of Breath,
+ Or rode you like a Night-mare hagg'd to Death;
+ Attend and learn from _Dulness'_ sleeping Shade,
+ Another Goddess rises to your Aid.
+ Pleas'd with the Vow, the glad submissive P--r,
+ Thence leads the Monarch to a nobler Chair;
+ For why shou'd he at _Dulness'_ Footstool wait,
+ Who knows so well to entertain with Prate;
+ Some _g--rt--r'd Dupes_ no nobler Titles boast,
+ Than to have been the Objects of his _Roast_;
+ For which they fill his Groupe, his Praises have,
+ And shine like SALMON'_s Dolls_ in MERLIN'_s Cave_.
+ The young NARCISSUS, whom (wou'd you believe,
+ The _Cornhill_ Priest, who never cou'd deceive)
+ Had robb'd the _Sibil_ of whate'er was sage,
+ Or _Good_, or _Wise_, except her _Gums_ and _Age_,
+ Was the old Woman, tho' in Youth renew'd,
+ Who led AENEAS when he _H--ll_ review'd;
+ Wrapt in the Steam that spread from _Dulness'_ Jaws,
+ From her Posterior's, perch'd, pert C----R draws,
+ Conveys him to the Club--the Club despair,
+ Till they the Snuff-box smell, and see the Chair.
+ Then all the _Dunciad_ d----n, and, grown elate,
+ Prick up their Ears, and bray, "_To the Debate!_
+ "The Chiefs were sate, the Scriblers waited round
+ "The Board with Bottles, and with Glasses crown'd,
+ "When he, the Master of the Seven-fold Face,
+ "Rose" gleaming thro' his own _Corinthian_ Brass,
+ And thus--my L--s, we once again are met,
+ Nor Sense hath robb'd us of a Vot'ry yet;
+ Pleas'd, I the present Danger undertake,
+ And gladly suffer, for my Country's Sake;
+ For I a prompt Alacrity agnize
+ To be esteem'd or witty, smart or wise.
+ This present War then with the POPE be mine;
+ But one Thing beg, I, bending to your Shrine,
+ Due Preference of Honour, Time and Place,
+ And _your Desires_ my Title Page to grace,
+ He said and bow'd--a Whisper trill'd the Air
+ Much as when C--MP--N wou'd have been L--d M--r.
+ However, each assents, then forth he drew
+ An Oglio Letter ready cook'd for _View_;
+ _Taste_ it had none; for, having long lain by,
+ 'Twas lost like Camphire that doth quickly fly;
+ But, as it never was in Print before,
+ 'Twas new, they all believe, for COLLEY swore.
+ When one, as Deputy for all the rest,
+ Thus, in due Form, their Advocate addrest.
+ _Great Laureat_, thou whose yearly tuneful Notes
+ Deafen the Court from Chappel-royal Throats,
+ Oft has this Enemy to our Repose
+ Wak'd us from Slumbers where we quiet doze,
+ Reeking with Malice, and of Satire full,
+ He neither lets us sin in quiet, or be dull:
+ You too, with us, have his Attacks withstood,
+ Have answer'd not, or wou'd not, if you cou'd;
+ And to receive his Insults, in your _Life_,
+ You offer'd him Release from all your Strife:
+ So once did CU--L, but he accepted not,
+ As if ye both contemptible he thought;
+ But sure this last Affront must give you Pain;
+ Can you your usual Temper now retain?
+ If this not rouse you, all our Hopes we'll quit,
+ And sue out Bankruptcy against your Wit:
+ Therefore, as _Monarch_ of the _scribling Crew_, }
+ This is a Debt to both our Int'rests due, }
+ For us he _d--ns_ at once, in _lashing_ you. }
+ Let L--IS then the happy Offspring rear,
+ Tis safe, if once committed to his Care.
+ He yields to their Intreaties, and then smil'd,
+ The Goddess spread her Vapour round more mild,
+ And strait a Form appear'd, like _ancient Fame_, }
+ Her Wings, her Trumpet, and her Robe the same, }
+ Each rous'd at once, and thought he grasp'd the Dame; }
+ But found 'twas all a Cloud or empty Space;
+ No Substance, tho' the Out-line they cou'd trace.
+ And, thus disturb'd, a strange unsav'ry Fume
+ Diffus'd itself around th' Assembly Room:
+ The Scent each mad'ning Brain did instant strike,
+ All star'd, and thought it FAME, it look'd so like;
+ COLLEY at once disclaim'd her--"For, says he,
+ "I even _Bread and Cheese_ prefer to _thee_;
+ "The Smiles of Monarchs may no Comfort bring;
+ "But then the _Sack's_ a wholsome pleasing Thing:
+ "Had I won thee, I might have scap'd a Sneer,
+ "And lost the _twice One Hundred Pounds a Year_.
+ "Then pray, dear Madam, if you please, be gone;
+ "Come you a Spy to make our Counsels known?"
+ When thus the Fantom----"Ye're my Children all;
+ "Thee, COLLEY, I my eldest Darling call;
+ "Mistake not, I usurp no borrow'd Name,
+ "And hate, as much as you, the Sound of FAME;
+ "Tho' I a Shadow on her Steps attend,
+ "When she appears, my Empire's at an End:
+ "Your stern Antagonist draws _Dulness_ right,
+ "Daughter of CHAOS, and _eternal Night_;
+ "Wits boast their PALLAS sprung from Brain of JOVE;
+ "We too had our Original above,
+ "And claim the Heraldry of God-like Race,
+ "Part of the Cloud IXION did embrace;
+ "Whence form'd in Aid of _Dulness_ and her Train,
+ "I oft her sinking Works in Air sustain;
+ "And when they otherwise wou'd fall downright,
+ "I waft them upwards to a second Flight:
+ "So when the new-made Honours were confer'd
+ "On all your earthly Recantation Herd,
+ "The Deities of Air, in Mirth and Sport,
+ "Made me a Goddess, and allow'd a Court;
+ "Long ye have known me--I o'er PUFFS preside,
+ "But ne'er, till now, appear'd in so much Pride.
+ The whole Assembly to her Presence press, }
+ All own her, but, their Ignorance, confess, }
+ Was wholly owing to th' inverted Dress: }
+ But both her Hands _Eliza_ first uprear'd,
+ Insisting only she the Pow'r rever'd:
+ Oh make my Shop, she cries, thy fav'rite Shrine;
+ You must, you shall, I have you on my Sign:
+ All scold, and Indignation bent each Brow,
+ None wou'd the other's Privilege allow;
+ When lo, a Youth of most distinguish'd Grace
+ (Well known for pressing first in ev'ry Place,
+ Whether he heads the _Orders_ in the _Pit_,
+ Or doth at _B----n_'s Judge of Boxing sit)
+ Conspicuous mounts, and thus, in formal Speech,
+ Begins----"Statesmen and Morals I impeach,
+ "Write Satires, and deny them for my own
+ "In Advertisements, that I may be known;
+ "Grant me thy Aid, great Goddess, but once more;
+ "Not for myself alone I thee implore,
+ "But for this _Saint_, who breathing now her last,
+ "Wou'd fain retrieve Disreputation past.
+ "If Gold you ask, long-hoarded Bags shall fly"--
+ The Goddess smil'd, and puff'd it to the Sky.
+ "Children, says she, Distinction should be made
+ "To _Scriblers_, who are thus above the Trade;
+ "For ye, who equal in all Prospects are,
+ "To gain our Favour, we a _Test_ prepare.
+ "He that has oft'nest most disguis'd the Truth,
+ "And render'd Sense and Reason quite uncouth;
+ "Who Learning hath, by Artifice abus'd,
+ "And by false Glasses vulgar Eyes amus'd;
+ "Who seldom in his real Shape was seen,
+ "For ever different to what h' hath been;
+ "Him for our royal Consort we select:
+ "Begin--and Pertness all your Aims direct;
+ "And still to urge ye on to further Hope,
+ "These Trophies wait the Man who lashes POPE.
+ "The Wings from one of MERCURY's new Suits;
+ "These grac'd his _Cap_, and these adorn'd his _Boots_;
+ "But who shall mention _Merit_, or presume
+ "To talk of _Wit_, him we forbid the Room."
+ Then first a Sage, of rev'rend hoary Years,
+ The Chief of the translating Bards appears;
+ And thus, in their Behalf--O pow'rful Maid!
+ "Daily and nightly we invoke thy Aid;
+ "In Pamphlets, numberless, have fully shown,
+ "Nor Language _dead_ or _live_ to SAWNEY's known;
+ "Yet, spite of all the Methods we can try,
+ "The silly _World_ will yet his HOMER buy:
+ "But next we think"--the Goddess stopt them short!
+ "All ye have done, but makes the _Learned_ Sport;
+ "To rail and call his HOMER wretched Stuff;
+ "To censure and condemn, is well enough;
+ "But here's the Curse on't, ye're such silly Elves
+ "To shew the _Diff'rence_ ye _translate_ yourselves,
+ "Or T----LD else had, not five Years and more,
+ "Hawk'd AESCHYLUS about from Door to Door.
+ "TERENCE's Eunuch the same Fate partook,
+ "Murder'd by merciless and mangling C----K.
+ "But cease we this, the recent Matter try,
+ "All who the present pidling Quarrel ply,
+ "Stand forth"----In Party-colour'd Vest
+ CLODDY appear'd, his _Dialogue_ addrest,
+ And swore he'd study'd SWIFT with so much Pains,
+ He thought, at last, he'd gain'd his very Strains:
+ The Piece perus'd, this Answer she return'd,
+ "Obscenity, when dull, is always scorn'd;
+ "And who _puffs_ this, will, to his Sorrow, find
+ "'Tis but a _F--t_ will _stink_ to all _Mankind_."
+ BLAST claim'd the Prize, and said, he did deride
+ The POET, by appearing on his Side;
+ The Goddess sent her Maid to kick him down,
+ But e'er she rais'd her Foot, the Wretch was gone.
+ Next, in a borrow'd Shape, by CLYTUS worn,
+ In fierce theatric Battles hackt and torn,
+ A Wight stalkt in, and, under VIRTUE's Name,
+ On HORACE, SALUST, SENECA and POPE cry'd Shame;
+ _False English!_ baul'd he loud--the Goddess heard,
+ And to the School-boys his Address preferr'd.
+ He disappear'd, nor know we if he's found,
+ But _horse him, horse him_, dy'd in distant Sound.
+ And now of ev'ry Sort came rushing in,
+ _Scriblers_ and _Puffers_, with a horrid Din;
+ All who in various Occupations strive
+ To keep their sev'ral Mist'ries alive,
+ From _Statesmen_, who, for Coronets resign'd,
+ To the _Dutch Kettle_, and the Window-Blind;
+ But far above the rest, each Rival Stage
+ The Favour of the Goddess wou'd engage;
+ The angry _Quack_ his Nostrums all forsakes,
+ And, in Revenge, his Gallipots he breaks,
+ 'Cause _R--ch_ bestows an ORPHEUS on the Town,
+ When _he_ had, long before, run mad with one:
+ Then Paper Wars, and long-ear'd Quarrels rise,
+ And each the Goddess sues for fresh Supplies.
+ In spite of City Wrath and Aldermen,
+ A _Concert_ takes the Dregs of _Drury-Lane_:
+ In pompous Stanzas they their Genius raise,
+ And sound, in ev'ry Paper, their own Praise,
+ From _Rome_ and Death old surly CATO tear,
+ To see the modern _Liliputian_ lear,
+ _Greece_ is outdone, and learned _Athens_ yields
+ To the politer Stage of _G------n's-F--ds_.
+ _Ambivius Turpia_, the Stage 'Squire appear'd,
+ The Nurse, who ev'ry modern TERENCE rear'd;
+ A meagre Shade, quite uninform'd and wild,
+ Yet still he flatter'd, smooth'd, and still he smil'd:
+ Ne'er, but when frighten'd, cou'd he be sincere,
+ And ne'er ap'd _Honesty_, but 'twas thro' _Fear_;
+ Revil'd, exploded on a rival Stage,
+ To dull the Sting the Libellers engage;
+ If double Pay is given them on his own,
+ He smil'd Consent, and turns them on the Town.
+ Then thus--Great Pow'r! thy darling Child behold,
+ I've courted thee with _Orders_ and with _Gold_,
+ This Scheme let the contending POLLYS tell,
+ This ev'ry _Inns o' Court_ Man knows full well.
+ But mark, dear Goddess, this my Master-piece,
+ Thus I revive the Arts of _Rome_ and _Greece_;
+ For SHAKESPEAR's Monument I gave a Play, }
+ And stopp'd the starving Actors hard-got Pay, }
+ Yet bore I all the _Praise_ and _Puff_ away. }
+ _Beasts_ graze the _Plain_, the _Fishes_ skim the _Sea_,
+ _Cars_ are for _Peers_, _Streets_ for _Mechanics_ free;
+ Thy Empire, Goddess, still hath been my Care,
+ My _Life_'s a _Puff_, my _Deeds_, like _Words_, are _Air_.
+ He spake, to grasp the Prize his Fingers stretch,
+ As feeble Reeds spent Swimmers strive to catch;
+ But finds himself pusht instantly away,
+ And by young PTOLOMY is kept at Bay.
+ Give him the Prize, O Goddess, if thou durst,
+ A _Wretch_ beneath his lowest Puppets curst.
+ The Claim he makes is owing to my Parts;
+ I taught him _Management_, and all its Arts,
+ From my great Sire alone deriv'd, to me
+ He gave it yet a living Legacy:
+ In what theatric Region are unknown
+ Our _Puffs_ in ev'ry Bill, in ev'ry Paper shown?
+ And where his short ones fail'd, I, better skill'd,
+ The groaning Page with long Epistles fill'd:
+ If Falsehood claims it, end the vain Dispute;
+ 'Tis mine, avaunt, ye _Puffers_, and be mute;
+ All _Grubstreet_ tells----At this CONUNDRUM rose,
+ And thus--Fond Youth, no more thy Gifts expose;
+ Tho' the Foundation of this Art is Lies,
+ Yet TRUTH is sometimes proper for Disguise:
+ He who is always false, is ne'er believ'd,
+ Who's always _honest_, is sometimes _deceiv'd_;
+ The Prize we'll yield, prove it upon Record,
+ That _he_ or _you_ e'er spoke but one _true Word_.
+ Dismist--The Fantoms hover round the Place,
+ And shew their Crimes in Mirrors to their Face?
+ Each on the other gazing, ghastly stood,
+ And wou'd have _blush'd_, or hid them, _if they cou'd_.
+ Then thus the Goddess--"Cease all further Strife,
+ "COLLEY, thy Hand! I'm thine alone for Life;
+ "Thine be the Prize, an Emblem of thy _Wit_,
+ "Which tho' not so, yet some will take for it:
+ "But 'tis not long, ev'n me thou must forsake;
+ "My last, my best, Advice then friendly take,
+ "Dear Scriblers, all Adventurers in _Wit_,
+ "Who scorn the Field of fell Debate to quit,
+ "Howe'er he lash ye, still the War pursue,
+ "Your _Ignorance_ brings all his _Wit_ to View;
+ "The Insects hov'ring in the breezy Air
+ "Shew th' approaching vernal Season near;
+ "The _Maggot_ that in Sun-beams basking lies,
+ "Tho' the _Heat_ scorch him, by that _Heat_ he flies."
+ She spake, and then, unseen, unheard retir'd,
+ Born in a Breath, she with a Sigh expir'd.
+
+
+_FINIS._
+
+
+
+
+(_Just Publish'd, Price 6d._)
+
+The Political Padlock, and the English Key. A Fable. Translated from the
+_Italian_ of Father M----r _S----ini_, who is now under Confinement for
+the same in _Naples_, by Order of Don _Carlos_. With Explanatory Notes.
+
+ _I grant all_ Courses _are in vain,
+ Unless we can_ get in _again:
+ The only Way that's left us now,
+ But all the Difficulty's_ How?
+
+
+
+
+ THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
+ VERBAL and PRACTICAL VIRTUE.
+
+
+ _Dicendi Virtus, nisi ei, qui dicit, ea, de quibus dicit, percepta
+ sint, extare non potest._ CIC.
+
+
+ WITH A Prefatory Epistle from Mr. _C--b--r_ to Mr. _P._
+
+
+ _Sic ulciscar genera singula, quemadmodum a quibus sum provocatus._
+
+ CIC. post Redit. ad Quir.
+
+
+ _LONDON_:
+ Printed for J. ROBERTS, near the _Oxford-Arms_ in _Warwick-Lane_.
+ MDCCXLII.
+
+
+
+
+Mr. _C--b--r_ to Mr. _P._
+
+
+Have at you again, Sir. I gave you fair Warning that I would have the last
+Word; and by ---- (I will not swear in Print) you shall find me no Lyar. I
+own, I am greatly elate on the Laurels the Town has bestow'd upon me for
+my Victory over you in my Prose Combat; and, encouraged by that Triumph, I
+now resolve to fight you on your own Dunghil of Poetry, and with your own
+jingling Weapons of Rhyme and Metre. I confess I have had some Help; but
+what then? since the greatest Princes are rather proud than asham'd of
+Allies and Auxiliaries when they make War in the Field, why should I
+decline such Assistance when I make War in the Press? And since you
+thought most unrighteously and unjustly to fall upon me and crush me, only
+because you imagin'd your Self strong and Me weak, as _France_ fell upon
+the Queen of _Hungary_; if I like her (_si parva licet componere magnis_)
+by first striking a bold and desperate Stroke myself with a little
+Success, have encouraged such a Friend to me, as _England_ has been to
+her, to espouse my Cause, and turn all the Weight of the War upon you,
+till you wish you had never begun it; with what reasonable and equitable
+Pleasure may I not pursue my Blow till I make you repent, by laying you on
+your Back, the ungrateful Returns you have made me for saving you from
+Destruction when you laid yourself on your Belly. I am, Sir, not your
+humble, but your devoted Servant; for I will follow you as long as I live;
+and as _Terence_ says in the _Eunuch_, _Ego pol te pro istis dictis &
+factis, scelus, ulciscar, ut ne impune in nos illus eris_.
+
+
+
+
+THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN Verbal and Practical VIRTUE EXEMPLIFY'D,
+
+In some Eminent Instances both Ancient and Modern.
+
+
+ What awkard Judgments must they make of Men,
+ Who think their Hearts are pictur'd by their Pen;
+ That _this_ observes the Rules which _that_ approves,
+ And what one praises, that the other loves.
+ Few Authors tread the Paths they recommend,
+ Or when they shew the Road, pursue the End:
+ Few give Examples, whilst they give Advice,
+ Or tho' they scourge the vicious, shun the Vice;
+ But lash the Times as Swimmers do the Tide,
+ And kick and cuff the Stream on which they ride.
+
+ His tuneful Lyre when polish'd _Horace_ strung,
+ [a]And all the Sweets of calm Retirement sung,
+ In Practice still his courtly Conduct show'd
+ His Joy was Luxury, and Power his God;
+ [b]With great _Maecenas_ meanly proud to dine,
+ [c]And fond to load _Augustus_ flatter'd Shrine;
+ [d]And whilst he rail'd at _Menas_ ill-got Sway,
+ [e]His numerous Train that choak'd the _Appian_ Way,
+ His Talents still to Perfidy apply'd,
+ Three Times a Friend and Foe to either Side.
+ _Horace_ forgot, or hop'd his Readers would,
+ [f]His Safety on the same Foundation stood.
+ That he who once had own'd his Country's Cause,
+ Now kiss'd the Feet that trampled on her Laws:
+ That till the Havock of _Philippi_'s Field,
+ Where Right to Force, by Fate was taught to yield,
+ He follow'd _Brutus_, and then hail'd the Sword,
+ Which gave Mankind, whom _Brutus_ freed, a Lord:
+ Nor to the Guilt of a Deserter's Name, }
+ Like _Menas_ great (tho' with dishonest Fame) }
+ Added the Glory, tho' he shar'd the Shame. }
+ For whilst with Fleets and Armies _Menas_ warr'd,
+ Courage his Leader, Policy his Guard,
+ Poor _Horace_ only follow'd with a Verse
+ That Fate the Freedman balanc'd, to rehearse;
+ Singing the Victor for whom _Menas_ fought,
+ And following Triumph which the other brought.
+
+ [g]Thus graver _Seneca_, in canting Strains,
+ Talk'd of fair Virtue's Charms and Vice's Stains,
+ And said the happy were the chaste and poor; }
+ Whilst plunder'd Provinces supply'd his Store, }
+ And _Rome_'s Imperial Mistress was his Whore. }
+ But tho' he rail'd at Flattery's dangerous Smile,
+ A _Claudius_, and a _Nero_, all the while,
+ With every Vice that reigns in Youth or Age, }
+ The Gilding of his venal Pen engage, }
+ And fill the slavish Fable of each Page. }
+
+ See _Sallust_ too, whose Energy divine
+ Lashes a vicious Age in ev'ry Line:
+ With Horror painting the flagitious Times,
+ The profligate, profuse, rapacious Crimes,
+ That reign'd in the degenerate Sons of _Rome_,
+ And made them first deserve, then caus'd their Doom;
+ With all the Merit of his virtuous Pen,
+ Leagu'd with the worst of these corrupted Men;
+ The Day in Riot and Excess to waste,
+ The Night in Taverns and in Brothels past:
+ [h]And when the _Censors_, by their high Controll,
+ Struck him, indignant, from the _Senate_'s Roll,
+ From Justice he appeal'd to _Caesar_'s Sword,
+ [i]And by Law exil'd, was by Force restor'd.
+ [k]What follow'd let _Numidia_'s Sons declare,
+ Harrass'd in Peace with Ills surpassing War;
+ Each Purse by Peculate and Rapine drain'd,
+ Each House by Murder and Adult'ries stain'd:
+ Till _Africk_ Slaves, gall'd by the Chains of _Rome_,
+ Wish'd their own Tyrants as a milder Doom.
+
+ If then we turn our Eyes from Words to Fact,
+ Comparing how Men write, with how they act,
+ How many Authors of this Contrast kind
+ In ev'ry Age, and ev'ry Clime we find.
+ Thus scribbling _P----_ who _Peter_ never spares,
+ Feeds on extortious Interest from young Heirs:
+ And whilst he made Old _S--lkerk_'s Bows his Sport,
+ Dawb'd minor Courtiers, of a minor Court.
+ If _Sallust_, _Horace_, _Seneca_, and _He_
+ Thus in their Morals then so well agree;
+ By what Ingredient is the Difference known? }
+ The Difference only in their Wit is shown, }
+ For all their Cant and Falshood is his own. }
+ He rails at Lies, and yet for half a Crown,
+ Coins and disperses Lies thro' all the Town:
+ Of his own Crimes the Innocent accuses,
+ And those who clubb'd to make him eat, abuses.
+ But whilst such Features in his Works we trace,
+ And Gifts like these his happy Genius grace;
+ Let none his haggard Face, or Mountain Back,
+ The Object of mistaken Satire make;
+ Faults which the best of Men, by Nature curs'd,
+ May chance to share in common with the worst.
+ In Vengeance for his Insults on Mankind, }
+ Let those who blame, some truer Blemish find, }
+ And lash that worse Deformity, his Mind. }
+ Like prudent Foes attack some weaker Part,
+ And make the War upon his Head or Heart.
+ Prove his late Works dishonest as they're dull; }
+ That try'd by Moral or Poetic Rule, }
+ The Verdict must be either Knave or Fool. }
+ [l]Whilst his false _English_, and false Facts combin'd,
+ Betray the double Darkness of his Mind;
+ [m]That Mind so suited to its vile Abode,
+ The Temple so adapted to the God,
+ It seems the Counterpart by Heav'n design'd
+ A Symbol and a Warning to Mankind:
+ As at some Door we find hung out a Sign,
+ Type of the Monster to be found within.
+ From his own Words this Scoundrel let 'em prove
+ Unjust in Hate, incapable of Love;
+ For all the Taste he ever has of Joy, }
+ Is like some yelping Mungril to annoy }
+ And teaze that Passenger he can't destroy. }
+ To cast a Shadow o'er the spotless Fame,
+ Or dye the Cheek of Innocence with Shame;
+ To swell the Breast of Modesty with Care,
+ Or force from Beauty's Eye a secret Tear;
+ And, not by Decency or Honour sway'd,
+ Libel the Living, and asperse the Dead:
+ Prone where he ne'er receiv'd to give Offence,
+ But most averse to Merit and to Sense;
+ Base to his Foe, but baser to his Friend,
+ Lying to blame, and sneering to commend:
+ Defaming those whom all but he must love,
+ And praising those whom none but he approve.
+ Then let him boast that honourable Crime,
+ Of making those who fear not God, fear him;
+ When the great Honour of that Boast is such
+ That Hornets and Mad Dogs may boast as much.
+ Such is th' Injustice of his daily Theme,
+ And such the Lust that breaks his nightly Dream;
+ That vestal Fire of undecaying Hate,
+ Which Time's cold Tide itself can ne'er abate,
+ But like _Domitian_, with a murd'rous Will,
+ Rather than nothing, Flies he likes to kill.
+ And in his Closet stabs some obscure Name,
+ [n]Brought by this Hangman first to Light and Shame.
+ Such now his Works to all the World are known,
+ Who undeceiv'd, their former Error own;
+ Whilst not one Man who likes his rhyming Art,
+ Allows him Genius, or defends his Heart:
+ But thus from Triumph snatch'd, and giv'n to Shame
+ Lash'd _into_ Penitence, and _out_ of Fame.
+ Since all Mankind these certain Truths allow,
+ And speak so freely what so well they know;
+ No wonder doom'd such Treatment to receive,
+ That he _can_ feel, and that he _can't_ forgive.
+ Were I dispos'd to curse the Man I hate,
+ Such would I wish his miserable Fate.
+ Thus striving to inflict, to meet Disgrace,
+ And wasted to the Ghost of what he was;
+ And like all Ghosts which Men of Sense despise,
+ Only the Dread of Folly's coward Eyes.
+ Thus would I have him despicably live,
+ Himself, his Friends, and Credit to survive,
+ Into Contempt from Reputation hurl'd,
+ His own Detractor thro' a scoffing World.
+
+
+_FINIS._
+
+
+
+
+Footnotes:
+
+
+[a] Beatus ille qui procul negotiis, &c. Epod. 2. Cum magnis vixisse
+invita fatebirur usque invidia. _Sat. 1. Lib. 2._
+
+[b] Nunc quia Maecenas tibi sum convictor. _Sat. 6. Lib. 1._
+
+ ----Tu pulses omne quod obstat
+ Ad Maecenatem memori si mente recurras.
+ Hoc juvat, & melli est; ne mentiar. _Sat. 6. Lib. 2._
+
+[c] All his Works are full of Examples of Flattery to _Augustus_.
+
+[d] Epod. 4. _Maenas_ was a Freedman of _Pompey_ the younger; and he
+deserted from him to _Augustus_, then back from _Augustus_ to _Pompey_,
+and then from _Pompey_ to _Augustus_ again. This is in all the Histories.
+_Appian. Dion._
+
+[e] Et Appiam mannis terit. _Epod. 4._
+
+[f]
+
+ O saepe mecum tempus in ultimum
+ Deducte, Bruto militiae Duce.----
+ Tecum Philippos & celerem fugam
+ Sensi, relicta non bene parmula
+ Cum fracta virtus, & minaces
+ Turpe solum tetigere mento. HOR. _Ode. 7. B. 2._
+
+[g] In his Seneca reus factus est multorum scelerum, sed praesertim quod
+cum Agrippina rem haberet, nec enim in hac re solum, sed in plerisque
+aliis contra facere visus est quam Philosophabatur. Quum enim Tyrannidem
+improbaret, Tyranni praeceptor erat: quumque insultaret iis qui cum
+principibus versarentur, ipse a Palatio non discedebat. Assentatores
+detestabatur, quum ipse Reginas coleret & libertos, ac Laudationes
+quorundam componeret. Reprehendebat divites is, cujus facultates erant ter
+millies sestertium: quique luxum aliorum damnabat quingentes tripodas
+habuit de ligno cedrino, pedibus eburneis, similes & pares inter se, in
+quibus coenabat. Ex quibus omnibus ea quae sunt his consentanea, quaeque
+ipse libidinose fecit, facile intelligi possunt. Nuptias enim cum
+nobilissima atque illustrissima foemina contraxit. Delectabatur
+exoletis, idque Neronem facere docuerat etsi antea tanta fuerat in morum
+severitate ut ab eo peteret, ne se oscularetur, neve una secum coenandi
+causa discumberet.
+
+ Vid. _Dion. Excerpta per Xiphilinum, Lib. 61._
+
+[h] Collegae tamen, multos Nobilium, atque inter eos Crispum etiam
+Sallustium, eum, qui historiam conscripsit, Senatu ejicienti non
+repugnavit. DION. _Lib. 40._
+
+[i] Ab his Sallustius (qui ut Senatoriam dignitatem recupararet tum Praetor
+factus erat) propemodum occisus. DION. _Lib. 42._
+
+[k] Numidas quoque in suam potestarem Caesar accepit, iisque Sallustium
+praefecit. Sallustius & pecuniae captae & compilatae provinciae accusatus,
+summam infamiam reportavit, quod quum ejusmodi libros composuisset, in
+quibus multis acerbisque verbis eos, qui ex provinciis quaestum facerent,
+notasset, nequaquam suis scriptis in agendo sterisset. Itaque etsi a
+Caesare absolutus fuit, tamen suis ipsius verbis proprium crimen abunde
+quasi in tabula propositum divulgavit. DION. _L. 43._
+
+[l] See at least a hundred and fifty Places in his late Works.
+
+[m] In quo deformitas corporis cum turpitudine cerrabat ingenii; adco ut
+animus eius dignissimo domicilio inclusus videretur. VEL. PAT. _L. 2. B.
+69._
+
+[n] See the Dunciad.
+
+
+
+
+The Augustan Reprint Society
+
+WILLIAM ANDREWS CLARK MEMORIAL LIBRARY
+
+University of California, Los Angeles
+
+
+Publications in Print
+
+
+1948-1949
+
+15. John Oldmixon, _Reflections on Dr. Swift's Letter to Harley_
+(1712), and Arthur Mainwaring, _The British Academy_ (1712).
+
+16. Henry Nevil Payne, _The Fatal Jealousie_ (1673).
+
+17. Nicholas Rowe, _Some Account of the Life of Mr. William
+Shakespear_ (1709).
+
+18. Anonymous, "Of Genius," in _The Occasional Paper_, Vol. III, No.
+10 (1719), and Aaron Hill, Preface to _The Creation_ (1720).
+
+
+1949-1950
+
+19. Susanna Centlivre, _The Busie Body_ (1709).
+
+20. Lewis Theobald, _Preface to the Works of Shakespeare_ (1734).
+
+22. Samuel Johnson, _The Vanity of Human Wishes_ (1749), and two
+_Rambler_ papers (1750).
+
+23. John Dryden, _His Majesties Declaration Defended_ (1681).
+
+
+1950-1951
+
+26. Charles Macklin, _The Man of the World_ (1792).
+
+
+1951-1952
+
+31. Thomas Gray, _An Elegy Wrote in a Country Churchyard_ (1751), and _The
+Eton College Manuscript_.
+
+
+1952-1953
+
+41. Bernard Mandeville, _A Letter to Dion_ (1732).
+
+
+1958-1959
+
+77-78. David Hartley, _Various Conjectures on the Perception, Motion, and
+Generation of Ideas_ (1746).
+
+
+1959-1960
+
+79. William Herbert, Third Earl of Pembroke, _Poems_ (1660).
+
+81. Two Burlesques of Lord Chesterfield's Letters: _The Graces_ (1774),
+and _The Fine Gentleman's Etiquette_ (1776).
+
+
+1960-1961
+
+85-86. _Essays on the Theatre from Eighteenth-Century Periodicals._
+
+
+1961-1962
+
+93. John Norris, _Cursory Reflections Upon a Book Call'd, An Essay
+Concerning Human Understanding_ (1690).
+
+94. An. Collins, _Divine Songs and Meditacions_ (1653).
+
+96. _Ballads and Songs Loyal to the Hanoverian Succession_
+(1703-1761).
+
+
+1962-1963
+
+97. Myles Davies, [Selections from] _Athenae Britannicae_ (1716-1719).
+
+98. _Select Hymns Taken Out of Mr. Herbert's Temple_ (1697).
+
+99. Thomas Augustine Arne, _Artaxerxes_ (1761).
+
+100. Simon Patrick, _A Brief Account of the New Sect of Latitude-Men_
+(1662).
+
+101-102. Richard Hurd, _Letters on Chivalry and Romance_ (1762).
+
+
+1963-1964
+
+103. Samuel Richardson, _Clarissa_: Preface, Hints of Prefaces, and
+Postscript.
+
+104. Thomas D'Urfey, _Wonders in the Sun; or, The Kingdom of the
+Birds_ (1706).
+
+105. Bernard Mandeville, _An Enquiry into the Causes of the Frequent
+Executions at Tyburn_ (1725).
+
+106. Daniel Defoe, _A Brief History of the Poor Palatine Refugees_ (1709).
+
+107-108. John Oldmixon, _An Essay on Criticism_ (1728).
+
+
+1964-1965
+
+109. Sir William Temple, _An Essay Upon the Original and Nature of
+Government_ (1680).
+
+110. John Tutchin, _Selected Poems_ (1685-1700).
+
+111. Anonymous, _Political Justice_ (1736).
+
+112. Robert Dodsley, _An Essay on Fable_ (1764).
+
+113. T. R., _An Essay Concerning Critical and Curious Learning_ (1698).
+
+114. _Two Poems Against Pope_: Leonard Welsted, _One Epistle to Mr. A.
+Pope_ (1730), and Anonymous, _The Blatant Beast_ (1740).
+
+
+1965-1966
+
+115. Daniel Defoe and others, _Accounts of the Apparition of Mrs. Veal_.
+
+116. Charles Macklin, _The Covent Garden Theatre_ (1752).
+
+117. Sir Roger L'Estrange, _Citt and Bumpkin_ (1680).
+
+118. Henry More, _Enthusiasmus Triumphatus_ (1662).
+
+119. Thomas Traherne, _Meditations on the Six Days of the Creation_
+(1717).
+
+120. Bernard Mandeville, _Aesop Dress'd or a Collection of Fables_ (1704).
+
+
+
+
+William Andrews Clark Memorial Library: University of California, Los
+Angeles
+
+THE AUGUSTAN REPRINT SOCIETY
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+_General Editors_: George Robert Guffey, University of California, Los
+Angeles; Earl Miner, University of California, Los Angeles; Maximillian E.
+Novak, University of California, Los Angeles; Robert Vosper, William
+Andrews Clark Memorial Library
+
+_Corresponding Secretary_: Mrs. Edna C. Davis, William Andrews Clark
+Memorial Library
+
+
+The Society's purpose is to publish reprints (usually facsimile
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+
+
+PUBLICATIONS FOR 1966-1967
+
+HENRY HEADLEY, _Poems_ (1786). Introduction by Patricia Meyer Spacks.
+
+JAMES MACPHERSON, _Fragments of Ancient Poetry_ (1760). Introduction by
+John J. Dunn.
+
+EDMOND MALONE, _Cursory Observations on the Poems Attributed to Thomas
+Rowley_ (1782). Introduction by James M. Kuist.
+
+Anonymous, _The Female Wits_ (1704). Introduction by Lucyle Hook.
+
+Anonymous, _Scribleriad_ (1742). LORD HERVEY, _The Difference Between
+Verbal and Practical Virtue_ (1742). Introduction by A. J. Sambrook.
+
+_Le Lutrin: an Heroick Poem, Written Originally in French by Monsieur
+Boileau: Made English by N. O._ (1682). Introduction by Richard Morton.
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+illustrated with eighty-one plates. The next in this series will be JOHN
+GAY'S _Fables_ (1728), with an Introduction by Vinton A. Dearing.
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