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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of My Actor-Husband, by Anonymous
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: My Actor-Husband
+       A true story of American stage life
+
+Author: Anonymous
+
+Release Date: January 1, 2011 [EBook #34814]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MY ACTOR-HUSBAND ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Chuck Greif and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by the
+Digital & Multimedia Center, Michigan State University
+Libraries.)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+MY
+ACTOR-HUSBAND
+
+_A TRUE STORY
+OF
+AMERICAN STAGE LIFE_
+
+NEW YORK
+THE MACAULAY COMPANY
+1913
+
+COPYRIGHT, 1912, BY
+JOHN LANE COMPANY
+
+To
+PROFESSOR CHARLES T. COPELAND
+Of Harvard University
+
+
+
+
+FOREWORD--A RETROSPECT
+
+
+In presenting this autobiography to the public, the author feels it
+incumbent upon herself to impress upon her readers the fidelity and
+strict adherence to the truth, relative to the conditions which surround
+the player. In no instance has there been either exaggeration or a
+resort to imaginative creation. It is a true story with all the ugliness
+of truth unsoftened and unembellished. Nor is the situation presented an
+exceptional one. One has but to follow the career of the average actor
+to be convinced that the dramatic profession is not only inconsistent
+with but wholly hostile to the institution of marriage. Managers and
+actors alike know and admit this to be the truth--amongst themselves.
+What they say in print is, of course, merely so much self-exploitation.
+The success of any branch of "the show-business" is dependent on the
+bureau of publicity.
+
+To one intimately acquainted with the life, the effusions of certain
+actors' wives, which from time to time appear in magazines for women,
+are ironically humourous. They are to be put down as the babbling of the
+newly-weds or the hunger for seeing their names in print. To hear the
+wife of a star declare that she always goes to the theatre and sits in
+the wings to watch her husband act is to presage the glaring head-lines
+of a divorce in the not-far-distant future. If it be not now, yet it
+will come, for those players who go through life with but one, even two
+marriages to their credit are the great exception to the rule. The
+actor's life precludes domesticity and without domestic life there can
+be no successful marriages.
+
+Every community has its stage-struck girls. Year after year the
+Academies of Divine Art turn out graduates like so many clothes-pins.
+Neither aspirant nor parent appears to question her fitness for the
+career to which she aspires. Both are ignorant of the conditions which
+confront the tyro or they have a wholly erroneous idea of theatrical
+life--ideas culled from the articles which appear from time to time in
+the magazines over the signature of a prominent actress. The average
+reader has no way of knowing that these articles are not written by the
+actress herself, but by a needy scribbler to whom she grants permission
+to use her name, for the free advertising she will get in return. "My
+Beginnings," "Advice to Stage-Struck Girls Who Plan to Go on the Stage,"
+etc., are alluring head-lines. The subject matter is a mass of
+glittering and trite generalities. Of the real conditions, the pitfalls,
+the drawbacks to be met, the outsider hears nothing. And when once in a
+decade a scribe dares to express himself truthfully concerning the moral
+atmosphere in the theatrical profession--(vide Mr. Clement Scott)--the
+air is rent with expostulations, denials and protestations from the
+members of "the profession." Interviews and letters pack the
+enterprising press. Many of those who protest the loudest have the least
+to lose.
+
+It has been said that art bears no relation to morals: as well might it
+be declared that the blood bears no relation to health. Art must forever
+be imbued with the spirit of its delineator.
+
+The moral status of the stage may not be a whit worse than that of half
+a dozen other professions. It is possible, but hardly probable. The very
+exigencies of the player's life make for a laxity and freedom from
+restraint. And in no other profession are the lives of the individual
+members so intimately concerned. The popular contention that a good
+woman can and will be good under any and all circumstances is a fallacy.
+The influence of environment is incomputable. I believe that my little
+friend Leila was fundamentally a good girl: in any other walk of life
+she would have remained a good girl. I believe that fundamentally my
+husband was a good man: in any other environment he would have been a
+good husband. The fantastic, unreal and over-stimulated atmosphere which
+the player breathes is not conducive to a sane and well-balanced life.
+
+And if, in a ruthless rending aside of the tinselled illusions which
+enthrall the stage-struck girl, I have rendered a service, my own
+suffering will not have been in vain.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I
+
+
+It was our first separation. All day I had fought back the tears while I
+helped Will pack his "Taylor" trunk. Neither of us spoke; once in every
+little while Will would stop in the act of folding a garment, and smile
+at me in approval. Then his arm would steal around my shoulders and he
+would pat me tenderly.... I would turn away, pretending to busy myself
+with other things, but in reality to hide the freshet of tears his
+silent expression of sympathy had undammed.... Will had signed with a
+star to play Shakespearean répertoire. The question of wardrobe was a
+source of worry, until I volunteered my services; I was a good
+needlewoman, and, from the sketches Will made, I was able to qualify as
+a full-fledged costumier. For days I had pegged away, refurbishing the
+old and making new ones, and sometimes Will would lend a hand and run
+the machine over the thick seams.... I once read that the women of the
+Commune wove the initials of those they hated into their knitting;
+well, I sewed the seams of Will's dresses thick with love, and hope, and
+ambition ... and dampened them with tears.... Then when the expressman
+came for the trunk ... it seemed as if they were taking away a
+coffin....
+
+Not until that night, after we had gone to bed, and I felt Will's deep,
+rhythmical breathing beneath my head, which lay pressed against his
+breast, only then did I give way to my grief. I crept to the other side
+of the bed and turned my face to the wall--I shook with convulsive sobs.
+
+Now and then Will would half waken, and would reach out and dreamily pat
+my face and smooth back my hair, as one soothes a sorrowing child. At
+such times I would hold my breath, and wait until he was again quiet....
+
+Every incident of our short married life passed in review before my
+burning eyes. We had closed our season late in April, and had come back
+to New York with less than seventy-five dollars between us. But what we
+lacked in money was more than balanced by our enthusiasm and
+illusion--the illusion of two young persons very much in love with each
+other. I had been in New York only once before, and the thought of
+living in the great city, of becoming an integral part of it, made me
+thrill with excitement. Will and I stood on the front of the ferry-boat
+and watched the panorama; he pointed out the various tall buildings with
+an air of familiarity. When we passed close to a great ocean liner,
+which was being swung into her dock by two fussy little tug-boats, even
+Will got excited. He told me which was "fore," and "aft," and named
+various other parts of the boat which I didn't understand. When we had
+taken our last look, he tucked my hand under his arm and told me that
+one day he and I should take a trip abroad....
+
+Owing to the shortage in our money supply, we had decided to go to a
+theatrical boarding house. Will was depending on his father to send him
+an allowance throughout the summer, and while it would be sufficient for
+his needs, now that he was married--well, we should have a chance to
+test the saying that two can live as cheaply as one. Our marriage had
+been a secret one--besides the "star" and one or two members of the
+company, we had taken no one into our confidence. Will's family--his
+father, a sister and brother--his mother having died about the time I
+came into his life--all were intolerant of the stage and its people.
+Though I was not yet a "really truly" actress, the fact that Will had
+met me "in the profession" would have prejudiced them against me; added
+to this was the fact that Will, himself a tyro, taking a wife at the
+very threshold of his career would not be looked at through our
+love-coloured glasses. The effect my marriage might have upon my own
+relatives never troubled me; my father and mother belonged to that great
+class of incompetent parenthood which brings children into the world
+without any actual love for them. Never questioning their fitness for
+child-rearing, they divine no greater responsibility than providing
+bodily necessities and a more or less superficial education. When, at
+the restless age of sixteen, I announced my determination to become an
+actress, there was some surface opposition, but no effort was made to
+enquire into my fitness for the dramatic profession, or the fitness of
+the dramatic profession as a career for any innocent and unprotected
+young girl. I had been highly successful as an amateur, and, as it was
+not necessary that I earn my own living, the stage appeared to their
+insapient minds an interesting playground for a dilettante daughter....
+
+One week in a theatrical boarding-house was all we could endure. I
+wonder why it is that the rank and file of the theatrical profession are
+at such pains to impress one another with their importance. The flippant
+familiarity with which they referred to "Charley" or "Dan" Frohman; the
+coarse criticism of their fellow-actors, which Will called "knocking";
+their easy disregard of the conventions, especially between the sexes; a
+bombastic retailing of their own exploits, as "how I jumped on and saved
+the show, with only one rehearsal"; talking "shop" to the exclusion of
+every other subject in the world. I overheard one of the actresses at
+the next table say we were "very up-stage," which Will interpreted as
+"not sociable, and having too good an opinion of one's self." Neither of
+us was happy in our new surroundings, and I felt a sense of relief when
+Will suggested that we look for a furnished flat. I did not mean to be
+critical of my husband's profession--I endeavored to agree with him that
+every profession has its undesirables.
+
+We spent days in climbing narrow stairs to look at dark, closet-like
+apertures with no ventilation; even the strength-sapping humidity of
+the streets seemed fresh in comparison. At last, we found something less
+undesirable than the others. The building was new, and the apartment in
+the rear gave upon a row of private houses with small yards; there were
+flowers and a few trees--little oases in a desert of brick and mortar.
+The janitor told us there were three rooms: the bedroom was an alcove
+affair, divided from the parlor by pea-green portières; the kitchen
+beyond was as large as the pantry in our house at home; and the
+furnishings--! The whole outfit might have been removed from a Seventh
+Avenue show-window, where they advertise "Complete furnished apartment
+for $49.99." The near-gold-leaf chairs were so frail that one was afraid
+to sit upon them. The general atmosphere of the parlor reminded me of
+the stage-settings one comes across in one-night-stand theatres.
+However, the vistas of the trees and flowers decided the momentous
+question. We paid a month's rent, then and there; it made a terrible
+hole in our last and only fifty-dollar bill, but neither of us worried
+much about it. For the next week the "show-business" was relegated to
+the background. We played "house" like two children; we arranged and
+rearranged the furniture, and Will made a comfortable divan from two
+packing cases. We went out to market on Ninth Avenue and Will carried
+the basket on his arm. Then we tried our hand at cooking; Will carried
+off the honours for coffee--and hard-boiled eggs. I washed and Will
+dried the dishes--I can see him now, with an apron tied high under his
+arm, declaiming Shakespeare, and juggling with the landlord's dishes.
+
+Our greatest problem was the lack of bathing facilities. We solved it by
+bathing in the wash-tubs; to be sure it was a bit hazardous standing on
+a sloping bottom, in danger of falling out of the kitchen window if one
+leaned too much to the right, or of toppling over to the floor if
+veering a bit too much to the left. But it was a bath, and, as Will
+said, preferable to the communal affair in the boarding house.
+
+The summer passed all too quickly. Those were happy, happy days....
+Sometimes the money market was tight--very tight; especially when Will's
+father was careless about sending Will's allowance. I cried bitterly the
+first time Will went to a pawn-shop; it seemed so humiliating to have
+him do it. Will laughed, and said he regarded it as so much experience.
+Several times a week we donned our best clothes and made the rounds of
+the theatrical employment agencies. Will had had several offers during
+the summer, but we wanted a joint engagement; we had promised each
+other, when we married, that nothing should cause us to be separated.
+Will and I felt that to the enforced separation of married persons--the
+husband in one company, the wife in another--was due the great number of
+divorces in the theatrical profession. Our "star," when apprised of our
+marriage, had followed his good wishes and congratulations with a heart
+to heart talk with Will.
+
+"It's all right, my boy," he said, "don't blame you a bit. She's a
+charming girl, and you're in love with her. If it were any other
+business but the show-business, I'd say you're a lucky dog, but--I'm
+going to be frank with you--a man or a woman in the theatrical business
+has no right to marry. It's all very lovely so long as you're together,
+but you can't _be_ together. The chances are against it--you may be
+lucky enough to get a joint engagement one season, but the next season
+you're off on the road, while she's playing in New York or in another
+part of the country. And what does this separation lead to in the end?
+You're a human being; you crave society, companionship; gradually you
+become weaned away and the inevitable happens. It's propinquity and home
+ties which make marriage a success; the life of an actor precludes
+domesticity. The very exigencies of his profession are not only
+inconsistent with, but hostile to, the institution of marriage."
+
+When Will retailed all this to me, it sounded very big and very
+dreadful--and also very vague. Any danger from separation seemed in the
+far, distant future.... We agreed that a man and wife who permitted
+themselves to become estranged because of temporary separations knew
+nothing of real love--such love as ours, at any rate.... And now, with
+the summer going on apace and no joint engagement in sight, the fear
+assumed a tangible shape, the dread of separation hung over me like a
+pall. Will tried to reassure me by saying it was still early, and that
+we would hold out.... I believed what he said with a child-like faith.
+Indeed, I am not so sure that in these days I did not worship Will with
+the same idolatry that I offered up to the Virgin Mary.... The whole
+world had merged into one being--my husband. My love for my husband was
+the absorbing passion of my life. Never happy in my home--my father had
+married a second wife--all the pent-up tenderness and passionate love
+found an outlet in my marriage. I sometimes wondered what had become of
+my ambition: this, too, had centred upon him. To be sure I meant to
+succeed as an actress, but I now thought of success only in the light of
+an assistance to him. It was already settled between us that I should be
+his leading lady, once he became a star. There should be no separations
+in our life....
+
+The weeks flew by ... the summer waned. Will became less reassuring--he
+took on a worried look. I began to awaken of mornings with a sickening,
+intangible apprehension. After a while I stopped going to the agencies.
+It seemed so futile. And then, one day, late in the summer, when the
+theatres along Broadway had begun to remove the signboards from their
+entrances--it came. I knew something had happened when Will opened the
+door. Instead of kissing me at once, as was his habit, he passed on to
+the bedroom without looking at me, saying, "Hello, Girlie." There was
+always something infinitely tender in the way he said these words, but
+to-day there was a new note in his voice. It took a long time to put
+away his hat and cane; then he came out and kissed me.
+
+I was peeling potatoes. He drew up a chair so that our knees met; then
+he laid a hand on each shoulder and his fingers gripped me. We looked
+into each other's eyes.... After a while I managed to say, "Well, dear?"
+... and when he replied his voice seemed far away. I had the sense of
+returning consciousness after a blow.... I suppose I was a little
+dazed....
+
+"Well, dear, I've signed with----" (he named a boy-Hamlet, well known
+throughout the middle west), "the salary is good and I'll play the King
+in Hamlet, Buckingham in Richard, and, if we do the Merchant, I'll be
+cast for Gratiano.... The best thing about it is the possibility of
+coming into New York for a run. The star wants to play Hamlet on
+Broadway, and I've been told he's got good backing.... So, little
+girl.... it may not be for so long after all...."
+
+Neither of us referred to the subject again that day; neither did we
+try to make believe at being cheerful. We understood each other's
+silence ... and respected it. Outside the rain poured. Will stood at the
+window looking out, but I am sure he did not see the rain....
+
+All these details passed before my mind like moving-pictures. When at
+last I fell asleep, it was to dream the incongruous, disjointed stuff of
+which the actor's dreams are made; the sense of being late for a cue, or
+hearing the cue spoken, to realize that one is but half-dressed, or,
+again, to rush upon the scene only to find the lines obliterated from
+one's memory.... When I awoke, I heard Will in the kitchen; there was
+the smell of boiling coffee. For a moment there was no consciousness of
+my "douleureuse," then memory swept me like an engulfing wave. I cried
+aloud; then Will took me in his strong arms and kissed my swollen eyes,
+oh, so tenderly....
+
+To recall the moments preceding and following Will's departure
+causes--even at this late day--a tightening around the heart. There were
+some red roses in a cheap glass vase on the mantle; Will had bought them
+from a street vendor that morning when he went out for the papers. He
+had pinned one in my dark hair.... After many false starts, and bidding
+me, "Cheer up--it won't be for long," he closed the door after him....
+It was our first separation.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II
+
+
+The red roses had withered; their crisp petals lay scattered over the
+mantel and about the floor. Stooping to gather them, I was seized with a
+giddiness; it dawned on me that I had not eaten for--I did not know how
+long. I went into the kitchen; the table lay as we had left it that
+morning at breakfast. There was his chair and the morning paper. I
+didn't cry--I felt only a heaviness, a numbness. Mechanically I set
+about to put the house in order; I realized that I must get myself in
+hand if only to please Will. I even managed a laugh at my own stupidity
+when, after neatly folding and placing my kitchen apron upon a shelf in
+the dish-cupboard, I hung the sugar bowl on a peg where the apron should
+have gone, and was drenched with a shower of sugar for my pains.
+
+For several days I lived on milk, which the janitor sent up on the
+dumb-waiter. I could not muster sufficient courage to go out to market.
+The sunlight mocked me--I resented the happy laughter of the family
+across the hall. The postman's ring, several days later, put new life
+into me. I knew the letter was from Will. I caught the postman almost
+before he stopped ringing, and, carrying the letter to my room, gave
+myself up to devouring it.
+
+It was filled with interesting gossip about his opening, and gave
+humourous little side-lights of the star and personnel of the company.
+He bade me cheer up and not take our separation too seriously; he
+promised to write every day, and asked that I do likewise. I marked this
+precious epistle with a large "1" in blue pencil and tucked it away with
+the rose-leaves. Then I sat down to write--I wrote reams. It is wondrous
+the many modes of expressing "I love you." To distil those many pages,
+written in the thin, slanting hand of my girlhood, would be to extract
+the very essence of my life's romance--or, shall I say, tragedy.
+
+I lived for the postman's ring. Sundays were the hardest to bear; there
+was no mail delivery. The weeks dragged on at snail's pace. Finally,
+loneliness and isolation drove me to a state of desperation, which, in
+turn, gave me the necessary courage to visit the agencies. Will was
+reluctant to have me take an engagement alone; he made me promise that I
+would not take such a step without first consulting him. Indeed, had he
+but known it, the thought of again travelling alone in a theatrical
+company was distasteful to me; naturally sensitive and of a retiring
+disposition, my first season in the dramatic profession had left some
+unpleasant memories. It was difficult to accustom myself to enter an
+hotel lobby alone, or, if in company with other members of the
+organization, to hear our party referred to as the "troupe." The
+ubiquitous drummer lounging at the hotel desk regarded us with brazen
+audacity, and made audible comments. Then, to enter a dining-room
+unattended, either to be corralled at a table with the other members of
+the company, or, if seated elsewhere, to be further subjected to the
+advances of a "travelling salesman." Again, when walking to the theatre
+or to the railroad station, to see the town-folk turn curiously,
+regarding the players with a condescending smile, which curled the
+corners of the mouth downward as they whispered, "Show people." In
+larger cities these marks of opprobrium are less pronounced, but,
+nevertheless, exist. I resented this attitude towards the theatrical
+profession until I became better acquainted with it. There be those who
+mistake liberty for license, and seemingly the freedom from restraint
+and the lack of conventionality, which the life affords, appear to be
+one of the chief attractions for adopting it.
+
+However, it was expedient that I should work. I dangled before my
+willing eyes the reward of the future--that time when my husband and I
+should play together. I even planned that we should be an example to
+others in our devotion and high moral purpose; and so, by reducing
+expense of maintaining two establishments--the flat in New York and
+Will's living on the road--we should be better equipped to hold out for
+a joint engagement for the following season.
+
+One morning, while waiting in the office of an agent to whom Will had
+introduced me, I was drawn into conversation with an actress whose
+photographs adorned the walls of the room. There was an air of
+importance about her, quite distinct from that of the other women who
+were waiting; these women wore an abject expression. They had relaxed
+the mechanical expression of "bien être" as the weariness of waiting
+wore upon them; in spite of the make-up--more or less skilfully
+applied--their faces were drawn and strained. Their clothes, too, told
+of the attempt to keep up appearances. I felt a sympathy and fellowship
+for these unemployed; I wondered whether they too, were, by the force of
+circumstances, separated from their loved ones.
+
+Miss Burton, the lady of some importance, broke my train of thought by
+precipitately asking me to "come and have a cup of tea." She assured me
+she would not let me miss "old Tom"--calling the agent by the familiar
+diminutive--and that having sent for her he was bound to wait. "It makes
+all the difference in the world whether they send for you, or whether
+you go to them for an engagement," she told me, with a sententious nod
+of her head. She was so bright and vivacious, and so wholly
+un-selfconscious that, for a moment, I was drawn out of my dreamy
+loneliness.
+
+We went to a near-by hotel. "You take what you like," she said,
+summoning the waiter. "Beer for mine!"
+
+I took tea.
+
+While we sipped our respective beverages she told me about herself. She
+was a well-known comédienne--"'soubrettes' they called them in the old
+days," she volunteered. She had been with "Charley" Frohman off and on
+for years, and expected to go back to him.
+
+"I've been in his bad books," she went on. "I had a good thing, and I
+didn't know it. When I think how I got in wrong all on account of those
+two big stiffs--!" My inability to follow her was probably expressed in
+my face, for she immediately rattled on: "You see, it was like this.
+When Jack and I were married we were in the same Company. He was what
+they call the 'Acting Manager,' travelled on the road and represented
+the New York office--understand? Well, the next year we didn't get an
+engagement together; he went off on the road and I created a part in a
+New York production. It was simply--hell! We used to make the most
+God-forsaken jumps, just to be together over Sunday. Why, once I can
+remember I rode all night in the caboose of a freight train to some
+little dump of a town where Jack's Company had played on Saturday night.
+Can you beat it? Oh, I tell you, I had it bad." And Miss Burton buried
+her feeling and her face in the stein of beer. After a pause she
+continued: "Well, the same devilish luck followed us the next season; we
+couldn't dig up an engagement together for love or money--and we
+slipped a nice little roll to several of the agents, too. It just seemed
+as if managers were dead set against having a man and wife in the same
+company. Some of 'em acknowledge it right out loud, if you please! They
+claim a man and wife in the same company make trouble; either they want
+to share the same dressing-room, or the husband kicks if his wife gets
+the worst of it in the dressing-room line. Or, if the husband happens to
+be a manager, there's the temptation to favour his wife, and somebody
+else kicks up a row. Oh, they've got excuses enough, whether they're
+justifiable or not. Anyway, that's the kind of bunk you're up against
+when you marry in the profession.... Where was I?... Oh Well, after two
+seasons of separation, it dawned on me that Jacky wasn't so keen about
+making long jumps to see wifey; pretty soon I began to hear gossip--he
+was carrying some fairy's grip in the company he was with. Then I began
+to watch him ... I caught him with the goods all right.... Exit,
+hastily, Jacky!" and, with an expressive wave of her hands to indicate
+his departure, Miss Burton called for another stein.
+
+I fear I appeared a perfect idiot in the voluble little lady's eyes. I
+could not muster a comment of any description. Miss Burton, however, did
+not notice my omission, for she raced on with the same energy of
+expression.
+
+"That blow pretty nearly killed Mother, I can tell you. I was in love
+with Jack all right.... It broke me all up to have him throw me down for
+a second-rate soubrette like that. I wish you could have seen it--one of
+these 'I'm so temperamental' kind of dopes. She threw him down as soon
+as she'd used him for what he was worth.... I took to the booze. Whew! I
+did go it hard for a while! That's what queered me with C. F.... Then,
+what d'ye think I did?" Miss Burton leaned forward to better impress me
+with the importance of her revelation: "I tried it a second time....
+This one was an actor: one of those handsome, shaving-soap advertisement
+kind of faces--beautiful teeth, and workin' the smile overtime to show
+'em!... Black curly hair, high brow, chesty--you know--the real thing in
+heavy men.... Mash notes, society ladies making goo-goo eyes at him, and
+forgetting to invite me to those little impromptu suppers. Ha!... don't
+ask me! It was worse than the first.... No, ma'am, matrimony and the
+stage don't mix. They ought to nail over every stage door this warning:
+'All ye who enter here, leave matrimony outside.' Yes, I know what you
+are going to say--that there are happy marriages among stage folks, and
+you'll name some of the shining examples. The domestic felicity of Mr.
+Great Star and his wife makes up well in print. But, wait awhile....
+Have you finished with your tea? Let's step in the ladies' room--I'm
+dying for a smoke."
+
+On our way back to the office, Miss Burton asked me about myself. When I
+spoke of Will, she turned sharply and looked at me with a hurt
+expression.
+
+"Why, you poor kid! Why didn't you tell me you were married? Now, don't
+you let anything I said worry you a bit. Everybody is apt to draw
+general conclusions from personal experiences. There's always the
+exception to prove the rule. Besides...." She slipped her arm through
+mine and gave me a reassuring pressure.
+
+The agent received her in his private office, and when she came out she
+was in high spirits. Calling me to her, she put me on a friendly
+footing with the agent, who promised to keep me in mind. I thanked her
+for her kindly interest, and went home.
+
+Desolate as the little flat was, I found strange comfort within its
+protecting walls. The power of Will's personality had impregnated the
+place, and I felt its soothing influence. I devoted the evening to
+writing to my husband a long letter, but, strangely enough, I did not
+repeat the conversation I had had with Miss Burton. That night I prayed
+that he and I might be the exception to prove the rule....
+
+The next day I visited another agency. The presiding genius was a
+corpulent person, with cold blue eyes which cowed at the first glance.
+She stood behind the rail which divided the office from the waiting
+applicants with an air of a magistrate dispensing justice not altogether
+tempered with mercy. There was something insolent in the way she shut
+off the opening speeches of the applicants with, "No, nothing for you
+to-day; nothing doing, Mr. Blank." Then, as a highly scented and
+berouged person entered, clanking the gold baubles of her chatelaine as
+she swished by, the majoress-domo swung open the gate and greeted her
+with, "Come right in, dearie; I've been waiting for you." They
+disappeared into the sanctum sanctorum.
+
+The little wizened lady who sat next to me snorted with impatience:
+"Humph! I suppose that means another half hour!" She fell to gossiping
+with a man whose very face suggested his "line of business"--that of
+Irish comedian. It was impossible not to overhear their conversation.
+The gorgeous creature who had been received with such open arms was a
+pet of the establishment, because of her generous and regular "retaining
+fees." She had been a more or less prominent society woman from Chicago;
+after a sensational divorce, she turned to the stage for the proper
+outlet for her superabundant "temperament." Willing to work for a salary
+upon which no self-supporting woman could exist, and able to dress her
+parts "handsomely," she found no difficulty in securing an engagement.
+The "retaining fees" no doubt facilitated her progress.
+
+I afterwards learned from Will's experience that a cheque enclosed in a
+letter of application to one of these dramatic employment agencies
+stimulated their interest in the sender. And, even after an actor has
+made a "hit," it is good business to lubricate the dispenser of gifts.
+I could not quite grasp the _modus operandi_ until it was explained to
+me by Miss Burton. "You see, when a manager contemplates engaging a
+company, he sends to an agent for a list of names. Perhaps he wants a
+leading man or a character actor, and he may direct the agent to
+communicate with a certain actor whom he believes to be best suited to
+the part he has in mind. Now this particular actor may not be in the
+good books of the agent, or there may be another actor playing the same
+line of business who is regular and liberal with his 'retaining fees.'
+It is not difficult to understand which of the actors will be
+suggested--even cried up--to the manager." Our own experience had been
+to negotiate direct with the managers. But, in many cases, the managers
+themselves send the actors whom they engage to a favoured agent to
+complete the negotiations. In this way the agent is able to collect a
+week's salary from the actor.
+
+The Irish comedian figured the average income of an agent who "placed"
+several hundred actors, with salaries ranging from thirty to three
+hundred dollars a week, at $5,000 a year. "And from the fish-hand they
+give you when you come lookin' for an engagement you'd think _we_ were
+the grafters--damned old parasites!"
+
+When, at last, the lady agent returned from her conference, I timidly
+made known my wants. Perhaps I looked like a "non-retainer," as the
+comedian dubbed them, for the corpulent person looked me over
+suspiciously.
+
+"Had any experience?" she broke in.
+
+"One season," I responded.
+
+"Well, you might leave your address," she snapped, and directed me to an
+assistant.
+
+I went back to Miss Burton's friend. Mr. Tom was an Englishman, with the
+manners of a gentleman to commend him if nothing else. He greeted me
+pleasantly and asked me to wait. My heart bounded in anticipation.
+Presently he handed me a letter. I recognized the address upon the
+envelope as that of a prominent manager. I was told to go to his office,
+present the letter and return to report the outcome to the agent. I
+rushed off with my mind in a whirl. Already I was outlining a telegram
+to Will, telling him of my engagement. I began to plan how I should
+remake my last season's dresses to avoid the expense of a new wardrobe.
+Only once before had I gone direct to a manager for an engagement. I
+look back upon the incident I am about to relate with amusement at my
+own expense. To anybody and everybody who is interested in the stage the
+name of Charles Frohman was and still remains a kind of magic. When it
+was determined that the stage was to be my avocation--I use the word
+advisedly, since I had never been taught to look upon any profession in
+the light of a vocation--I came direct to New York with the purpose of
+calling upon Mr. Frohman, and placing my talent at his command. I
+remember I dressed myself carefully. I even powdered my face heavily, to
+give the ear-marks of intimate acquaintance with the make-up box. When I
+entered the office in the Empire Theatre Building, the office boy was
+engaged in pasting newspaper clippings in a scrap-book. A pretty, pert
+girl was type-writing at the other end of the room. The office boy
+looked up enquiringly. I took my courage in both hands.
+
+"Is Mr. Frohman in?" I enquired.
+
+The boy shuffled into the adjoining room. I busied myself by looking at
+the photographs of the actresses which lined the walls; my heart was
+pumping fiercely, but I "acted" the part of a young lady with plenty of
+_savoir faire_. The boy returned, followed by a middle-aged man who
+smiled pleasantly upon me.
+
+"Mr. Frohman?" I ventured.
+
+"Mr. Frohman is not in," he responded with a bland smile.
+
+I was about to enquire when he was expected when I caught the reflection
+of the office boy in a mirror on the wall. He was winking broadly to the
+girl at the typewriter; I felt the blood rising to my face, and I fear I
+made a somewhat confused exit.
+
+Will had many a good laugh over my credulity. I had come all the way
+from an Indiana town to see Mr. Frohman, and there was about as much
+chance of being admitted to his presence as the proverbial camel has of
+slipping through the needle's eye. Needless to say, I never mustered
+sufficient courage to call on Mr. Frohman again.
+
+To-day, however, I was forearmed. The manager to whom I had been
+recommended by the agent sent out word that I was to wait. A half hour
+later I was conducted to his presence. As I entered, he was seated in a
+revolving chair, one foot resting on a small sliding shelf on his desk,
+and a large black cigar in the corner of his mouth. He did not rise,
+but nodded to me and motioned me to the seat opposite. While he read the
+agent's letter he removed his leg from the table and crossed it over the
+other. He was a short, heavy man, with a preponderance of abdomen. He
+had thick, loose lips, and his head was as round and as smooth as a
+billiard ball; his eyes were black and snappy, and threw out as much
+fire as the huge diamond he wore on his little finger.
+
+"Well," he finally said, looking at me and shifting the big cigar to the
+other corner of his mouth, "that reads all right. So you're an
+_ingénue_" (he pronounced it as if it were spelled _on-je-new_), "are
+you?"
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Well, you look the part all right.... How much experience have you
+had?"
+
+"One season on the road with Mr. O'Brien's Company, but of course I've
+played in amateur theatricals for...."
+
+"Voice strong?" he bellowed, tilting himself back in his chair.
+
+"Oh, yes, sir," I responded, using the loud pedal to prove my assertion.
+
+"Don't sound like it."
+
+"Perhaps not now, but--" I hesitated.
+
+"But what?" he queried, smiling indulgently at me.
+
+His smile gave me courage, and I answered truthfully: "Well, I think I'm
+a little scared just now."
+
+"Scared? What of?" He removed his cigar while he spat out an end he had
+been chewing. Then he lighted a match and continued talking. "You don't
+want to be scared of _me_--I'm the easiest thing you ever saw...." Here
+he winked at me. Then for the next minute he puffed at his cigar and
+looked at me. "Stand up," was his next injunction.... "You're not very
+big ... you'll look the part all right."
+
+"What kind of a part is it?" I ventured.
+
+"Didn't Tom tell you about it?... It's a pretty part--one of them
+innocent country maidens that never saw the streets of Cairo--that kind.
+She falls in love with a villain who takes her to the great city, and
+then throws her down--hard. The poor girl's afraid to go back to home
+and mother, and just as she's about to commit suicide a good-natured
+sucker comes along and marries her. It's sympathetic and appealin'--goes
+right to the heart. Can't help but make a hit. Dressin' ain't much, and
+we expect to run all season in New York."
+
+"What's the salary?" meaning to appear business-like.
+
+"Twenty-five in New York, and thirty on the road."
+
+I did not reply, for my mind was making rapid calculations. Twenty-five
+dollars a week, with the prospect of running all season in New York!
+Why, I should be able to pay my own expenses and lay aside a little
+besides.
+
+"That's a good salary," began the manager, taking my silence for
+dissent. "If you make a hit, I'll raise it five. I tell you what I'll
+do: I'll give you a letter to the stage manager. They're rehearsing now.
+The dame we engaged for the part, way last summer, got married on the
+quiet, and has got to retire for family reasons." He winked at me again,
+as he took up his pen. I waited uneasily while he wrote. "Here's the
+letter," he said, moistening the flap of the envelope with his lips.
+"Now, run along and see Mr. Thompson at the Academy. He's the doctor."
+He rose by way of dismissal, and indicated a door other than which I had
+entered. I thanked him and assured him my voice was quite strong.
+
+"You're a pretty little thing," he said as he accompanied me to the
+door. "Pretty little figure ... what d'ye weigh?"
+
+"I don't know really how much, but I think about one hundred and ten
+pounds," I answered with some confusion.
+
+"As much as that? Where do you carry it all?" He ran his fat, stubby
+hands over my shoulders and down about my hips. His smile became a leer.
+Before I could realize what was happening he had taken me in his arms,
+and his heavy, wet lips were pressed against my mouth. His hands played
+over my body, and, though I struggled to cry out and to release myself,
+I was unable to do either. It seemed as if my senses were deserting me;
+then, the muffled bell of the telephone sounded, and he released me.
+
+"Damn that bell," he said. Nauseated with disgust and fright, I cowered
+in the corner; he tried to draw my hands from my face, laughing as he
+whispered: "Like it, like it, do you?" Then with another oath at the
+continued call from the telephone, he crossed to his desk. "Run along
+now," he directed, without a look....
+
+I never knew how I found my way down the stairs to the street. I did not
+wait for the elevator. I saw that people looked at me as I hurried
+along the street--whither I did not ask myself. Only when I collided
+with someone on the stairs did I realize that I had gone straight to the
+agent's office.
+
+"Hello, little lady!" I recognized Miss Burton's voice. "My, we're in a
+hurry! For God's sake, child, what's happened to you? What's the matter?
+You look as if you were going to throw a fit! Here--let's go to a drug
+store."
+
+After a dose of sal volatile, Miss Burton called a hansom and insisted
+on taking me home. I did not want her to accompany me. I wanted to be
+alone. When we were safely in the house I lost all control. She let me
+have my cry out without asking a question. Then, when I was calmer, I
+told her what had happened.
+
+"The old blackguard! The old blackguard! I've heard that about him
+before. Why didn't you hand him one? Why didn't you smack his face?"
+
+"I'll leave that to my husband," I replied with tearful dignity.
+
+Miss Burton contemplated me between violent puffs of her cigarette. Then
+she shook her head. "Um-um, girlie; no, sir ... you mustn't tell your
+husband."
+
+"Why not?" I demanded.
+
+"Well, if you tell your husband, and he's the man I think he is, he'll
+go straight up and knock the old beast down. That will get him in bad;
+this manager is a power and controls a dozen attractions, as well as
+theatres. Your young man may find it difficult to get an engagement in
+the future."
+
+Miss Burton paused to allow the idea to percolate into my brain.
+
+"Then there's another side to it. If you tell your husband and he does
+not go up and knock the fresh gentleman down, you'll despise him for it
+... oh, yes you will! You would not acknowledge it even to yourself,
+but, way down deep in the bottom of your heart, you would never forgive
+your husband for not resenting the insult to you.... Better not tell him
+at all...."
+
+We both were silent for some time. I was struggling with a thousand
+conflicting emotions.
+
+"You see, girlie, you've got an awful lot to learn. You're new to the
+game. That's the reason these things go so hard with you."
+
+"Do you mean that 'these things' are a part--a regular part--of the
+business?" I began, with a burst of resentment. "I don't believe it! I
+can't believe it! I'm sure my experience was exceptional. I know that
+girls who typewrite for a living, clerks and even housemaids have
+unpleasant experiences, for I have read about it in the papers. There
+are bad men in all walks of life. I travelled nearly a whole season
+before I was married, and--"
+
+I stopped short. My mind visualized a situation. When I joined the
+company in which I met my husband I was singled out for marked attention
+by the star. I believed this attention to be a kindly interest in a
+novice. It never occurred to me to question the intent and purpose. I
+was the understudy for the leading woman; the star had told me that I
+had exceptional talent, and with the proper direction I should develop
+into a splendid emotional actress. Quite often we would have private
+rehearsals--sometimes in the theatre, but more often in the star's
+apartment in the hotel. Invariably we rehearsed alone. I was flattered
+and sincerely appreciative of the star's efforts to develop my talent;
+we played scenes from Romeo and Juliet, and my star played Romeo with
+such fervour that I quite forgot my lines. When the star's wife joined
+the company the rehearsals were suspended; it seemed quite natural to me
+that the star wished to devote his time to his wife. She was still a
+beautiful woman, though her face was sad and bore a discontented
+expression. She kept aloof from the Company, and it was said that she
+did not approve of stage-folk, especially the women. I wondered why she
+had married an actor. Later, when Will and I became friends, he
+questioned me about these private rehearsals; then I began to notice
+that he managed to drop in for a call on the star when we rehearsed at
+the hotel, or he would wait about the stage when we were in the theatre.
+This happened frequently as our courtship progressed. I recalled how,
+one day when Will was discovered in the wings, that the star called out
+to him quite irritably, "You were not called for rehearsal, were you,
+Mr. Hartley? You're not needed, and your presence makes Miss Gray
+self-conscious."
+
+Shortly after that Will insisted upon announcing our betrothal to the
+star. I never went to rehearsals unattended after that, and the calls
+became less frequent. Soon they were abandoned altogether. Now, for the
+first time, I understood Will's watchfulness--perhaps I understood why
+the star's wife had so sad a face....
+
+"And what?" Miss Burton repeated after me.
+
+"I was thinking, that was all."
+
+"Girlie, you'll never get on in the show business, unless ... look here,
+I'm going to open your eyes to a few things that may come handy to
+you.... I've been on the stage since I was a kiddie; I was born in it. I
+made my first appearance in my mother's arms, and they say I never
+waited for cues, but yelled right through other people's lines. I grew
+up in railroad trains, hotels and theatres. I was wise to the game
+before I was out of short skirts. Anything I did was done with my eyes
+wide open. I was never stage-struck, like you, and so many fool girls
+who look on acting as a 'divine art.' I had to make my own living, and
+the stage offers a pretty good living if you are willing to play the
+game." Miss Burton looked at me significantly.
+
+"Play the game?" I asked.
+
+"Yes, that's just what I mean.... Virtue and chastity have about as much
+chance in the show-business as that famous little snowball of
+purgatorial fame. I don't know of any other profession where immorality
+is a virtue. I suppose that's what you call a paradox. Virtue and
+success do not go hand in hand in this business--even our mothers
+recognize the truth of the statement and wink at it. Your average stage
+mamma values virtue in the ratio of the advancement its possession
+assures. Let any star or manager cast covetous eyes upon her daughter,
+let her but scent leading lady--or stardom--and she will not only lend
+herself to intrigue but encourage it. She knows the game; she knows that
+a girl, no matter how pretty, how talented, cannot get on in the
+show-business without 'giving up.' She's got to have money or influence,
+or both. I don't know what there is about the stage that brings out the
+baser passions, but I do know that it's rotten to the core. And the
+worst of it is, that the good is sacrificed to the bad. Girls like you
+are drawn to the stage by its illusion and romance. With others, it's
+the looseness, the freedom from restraint that appeals. There never was
+a woman with a screw loose in her moral machinery who didn't hanker for
+the stage. Why? Because it's a convenient place to show goods. Every
+millionaire, every fur-tongued man about town looks upon the women of
+the stage as his legitimate prey. You've only got to mention the fact
+that you are, directly or indirectly, connected with the show-business,
+to lay yourself open to the advances of the male creature who thinks he
+is sporty. You may be as chaste as ice and as pure as snow, but the
+chances are against it, if you are on the stage."
+
+I felt choked with indignation. "I don't believe you, I don't believe
+it's true," I stormed. "Look at such women as--" (I named a number of
+prominent women stars). "They are honoured and respected----"
+
+"You mean their accomplishment, their art is honoured. Each and every
+one of these women has been grist to the mill. Do you suppose that side
+of it ever reaches the public? No, and what's more, it's none of the
+public's business. These women are successful. The price they have paid
+is their own secret. Don't misunderstand me--I'm not sitting in judgment
+on the women of the stage, any more than I would sit in judgment on you
+if you went wrong. I'm telling you the conditions that exist--conditions
+which every woman who enters the theatrical profession has got to face
+sooner or later. You had your first experience to-day...."
+
+It had grown quite dark in the room. Miss Burton got up and moved about
+in the twilight. I almost hated her. I could not prevent myself from
+saying, "Do you think it is nice to befoul your own nest?"
+
+She answered me gently: "You don't understand my motive, girlie. I
+wouldn't say these things to an outsider for anything in the world. Why,
+if a thing like this were to be given to the public, the whole
+theatrical profession would rush into print to deny it. There would be
+an awful noise, but _each and every one of them knows it's the truth_,
+_God's truth_, _and nothing but the truth_." We were again silent. Miss
+Burton sighed heavily.
+
+"You know, girlie, if I were an artist I should like to paint my
+conception of the 'divine art.' The divine art is a soulless procuress;
+she takes your youth, your beauty and your virtue. She saps you dry,
+and, at the first signs of age, she turns you out."
+
+Miss Burton stopped in front of the large photograph of Will which
+adorned the mantel. After a lengthy scrutiny, she said:
+
+"Fine head! Looks as if he would have made a good lawyer."
+
+"He was educated for the law," I answered proudly.
+
+Miss Burton looked out of the window with a far-away look. Then she came
+to me and took both my hands in hers.
+
+"Little girl, why don't you persuade him to give up the stage and go
+back to the law?"
+
+"Because he does not like the law, and because he has a great career as
+an actor ahead of him," I retorted, feeling myself on the verge of
+tears.
+
+After Miss Burton had donned her hat and gloves, and stood with her hand
+on the door-knob, she spoke again:
+
+"I'll see Tom to-morrow, and have him set you right with that old
+beast."
+
+"Set _me_ right!"
+
+"Yes, for not showing up at the Academy. I'll say you got in a trolley
+jam, and when you arrived there they had gone. You can show up bright
+and early to-morrow--don't you intend to take the engagement?"
+
+"Not if I never got another engagement in my life!" I declared, with a
+wave of disgust passing over me.
+
+Miss Burton drew me into her arms and kissed me impulsively: "Stick to
+that, girlie, and God bless you!" and she rushed off....
+
+I didn't sleep much that night. Early the next morning came a telegram
+from Will, saying he expected to be home on Sunday. His Company was to
+"lay off" and rehearse two weeks, preparatory to "the assault" on
+Broadway, as he expressed it. The knowledge that I should soon feel his
+arms around me acted like a tonic. My resentment against Miss Burton
+gave way to pity. Why were not all husbands and wives as much in love
+with each other as were Will and I?
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III
+
+
+The boy Hamlet failed to attract the public. After two weeks on Broadway
+the notice went up. The Company was to reorganize, which, in this
+instance, meant reducing expenses--and "back to the woods." Will agreed
+to double the King with the Ghost for a small rise of salary and the
+condition that I be added to the roster. In return for my railroad fares
+I played one of the strolling players and the Player-Queen. The Company
+made one night stands only; we made early and long jumps to
+out-of-the-way towns, which Will declared were not on the map. The
+hotels were often so bad that we were driven to patronizing the village
+grocer, and to supplement our meals with chafing-dish messes. Through
+rain, snow and slush we plodded our way to the railroad stations;
+sometimes there was a hack and the women rode back and forth. The
+theatres were cold and the dressing-rooms filthy. The stage entrance
+invariably gave upon a foul-smelling alley, and a penetrating draught
+swept the stage when the curtain was up. Once, after Will in the
+character of the King had been killed by Hamlet and lay dead upon the
+stage, he sneezed explosively. The audience appeared to enjoy the
+situation. But, in spite of the physical discomforts and the stultifying
+grind, we were happy--we were together.
+
+By the end of the season we had saved almost three hundred dollars. Then
+Will played a few weeks with a summer stock company--a "summer snap," as
+it is termed--and in the autumn we were able to make a stand for the
+much-desired joint engagement.
+
+When the Company gathered at the railroad station bound for a city of
+the middle West, it more resembled a family party than a theatrical
+organization. The manager himself played a part, and his wife was the
+lady villain. The comédienne and the stage carpenter were man and wife,
+and the leading lady--a girl not much older than I--was chaperoned by
+her mother. Will was the leading man and I the ingénue. There was the
+prospect of a pleasant season ahead. I smiled a little contemptuously
+when I thought of Miss Burton's terrible arraignment of the stage. She
+had been unfortunate in her association, that was all, I told myself.
+
+The comédienne and I shared dressing-rooms. She was a beautiful woman
+with a strain of Latin blood. I loved her from the first moment I met
+her. I was disappointed in her husband; her superior breeding and
+education caused me to wonder at her choice. Later, when I better
+understood the needs of the woman, I grew to like him; he was
+clean-minded and sincere--virtues I later discovered to be rare ones
+among actors.
+
+It was about the second week of the season when our family party first
+showed signs of incompatibility. There had been some gossip connecting
+the leading lady's name with that of the manager, but as she was
+protected by her mother it appeared to me ridiculous and unwarranted.
+One night, as the curtain fell on the first act, the manager's wife
+ordered the leading lady's mother out of the wings. Immediately there
+followed a war of high-pitched voices which penetrated the walls of our
+aerial dressing-room. The curtain was held and the orchestra played its
+third overture.
+
+During the wait Margherita, my dressing-room mate, told me the
+circumstances of the case. The leading lady's mother was the "friend" of
+the "angel" of the Company; in this capacity she assumed privileges
+which were galling to the manager's wife. Adding to this the fact that
+her husband was too obviously interested in the leading lady, the
+outbreak was not to be wondered at. The manager himself was one of those
+round, flabby men, suggestive of a fat, spineless worm. Physique is
+often coindicant of character.
+
+This night the mother had been more obnoxious than usual. It was her
+habit to stand in the wings while the manager's wife was on the scene,
+and by petty distractions to goad the actress to expression.
+
+Gradually members of the Company were drawn into the dissension; it was
+an intolerable situation. Our sympathies were with the manager's wife,
+but we diplomatically held aloof. Matters finally reached a climax. One
+night during the performance there was a stage wait. In vain Will and
+the heavy man filled in the hiatus. The manager's wife had surprised the
+leading lady in the arms of her husband somewhere behind the scenes, and
+thereupon slapped the girl's face. A moment later she came upon the
+stage to play her "big" scene; she was labouring under great emotion,
+and I thought she had never acted so well. In a speech to me (I played
+her daughter)--it was part of the stage business that I take her hand in
+mine; I am not sure that I did not press her hand in silent sympathy.
+She drew me towards her; in another moment the lady villain was sobbing
+in my arms, and there was an emotional storm not indicated in the
+manuscript of the author. I led her up stage as the house fairly rose to
+her splendid acting. When the storms of applause had died away we went
+on with the scene as if nothing had happened.
+
+I wonder why it is that women invariably punish their own sex and exempt
+the man? Do they instinctively demand a higher code of honour from their
+kind while meekly acquiescent to the conventional license for men?
+
+Subsequently the "angel" joined the Company, and, to all appearances, an
+adjustment was reached. For a time peace was restored. The leading lady
+assumed an air of injured innocence, and left off rouging her cheeks to
+heighten the effect. Then, suddenly--or gradually, I never realized how
+it came about--it became obvious to all that the leading lady was
+"making a play" for Will. Her attentions became so marked that the men
+of the Company chaffed him about it, declaring the manager would
+presently challenge him to mortal combat, or--and what was more
+likely--discharge him from the Company. Will accepted their allusions in
+good part, but I observed the subject was distasteful to him. To me he
+called the woman "a little fool," and was irritated with being placed in
+so ridiculous a position. Indeed I think Will suffered as much as I did.
+Without being rude or boorish, there was nothing he could do to check
+her advances. She was planning her _début_ as a star the following
+season, and made Will a proposition to become her leading man; she
+consulted him concerning the new plays which were being submitted to
+her, and planned for the current season special matinées of classic
+plays with which Will was familiar. She called him to preliminary
+rehearsal and discussions in her rooms at the hotel; sometimes, between
+the acts of the performance, called him to her dressing-room, where she
+received him in a state of _négligé_. New bits of stage business were
+introduced, or the old elaborated; she would run her fingers through
+his hair, or prolong the kisses which the rôle demanded; or, in his
+embrace, she would draw her body close to his and writhe about him to a
+point of indecency. In countless, intangible ways she brought her
+blandishments to bear upon him. Will declared she was playing him
+against the manager, whose relations with her had become strained since
+his wife had interfered. In all things she was aided and abetted by her
+mother, who fawned on Will and made his position the more equivocal. My
+own emotions were confused; it was inconceivable that I should be
+jealous of the woman. No, the sensation she aroused was nothing more
+than disgust. To be jealous of my husband connoted a lack of faith, and
+he had done nothing to betray my trust in him.
+
+Jealousy had always appeared to me a debasing and an undignified
+emotion.... I resented the position in which my husband was placed; I
+would not add to his discomfiture by hectoring. I had promised myself
+when I married that never should I be jealous when I saw my husband
+making stage-love to another woman--perhaps in the back of my mind was
+the hope that I should always be the other woman, his leading lady.
+Nevertheless, I was determined to stand the test without flinching. It
+was high time that I began to realize that the conditions which
+confronted me were but a part of the game--the _game_! The word was
+reminiscent of Miss Burton. I fought down the suggestion blindly,
+passionately.... I began to dread going to the theatre; often, while I
+was making up, I found Margherita's eyes fastened wistfully upon
+me--they told how she longed to comfort me. Unhappily I could not talk
+about the thing which was troubling me. What was there to say? There are
+emotions which never find tangible expression. Then the idea of asking
+my husband to resign from the Company suggested itself. I endeavoured to
+look at the question from a material standpoint: it would not be easy to
+find another engagement in mid-season, besides, there were the expensive
+railroad fares back to New York--we were then touring California--and
+probably another separation....
+
+Perhaps it was the strain of hard travel, or it may have been the
+certainty of my condition which I had heretofore only suspected, or a
+combination of both, which made me lose my self-control. I had always
+believed strongly in the influence of suggestion upon the unborn child,
+and the unclean atmosphere in which I was living preyed upon my mind
+until it became an obsession. I grew to hate the woman and her
+witch-like mother. We had had some racking railroad jumps, and the loss
+of sleep was telling on every member of the Company; the leading lady
+was stimulating on champagne. Her mother stood in the wings, bottle and
+glass in hand, and applied the restorative whenever the girl came off
+the stage. One night, under the influence of the wine, she became more
+brazen in her advances to Will; she took liberties which made even her
+mother, watching in the wings, gasp with amusement. Something she said
+_sotto voce_ to her mother reached my ears. I began to watch her. As the
+act progressed she elaborated the detail with ever-increasing audacity,
+and, when the action required her to throw herself in Will's arms, she
+flung me a look of laughing defiance, coincident with a broad wink to
+her mother--old Hecate of the wings--then fed upon his lips like a
+vampire sucking blood.
+
+I am not sure that I responded to the cue which some seconds later
+brought her into my arms. (We were fellow Nihilists under arrest.) The
+contact of her hand against mine ... Will told me afterwards he would
+never have believed me possessed of such physical strength. I choked
+her.... I drove my nails into her flesh.... I dragged her to the wings
+and beat her with my fists.... I vented upon her the long pent-up
+fury.... Oh, the shame, the ignominy of it! I, who resented a vicious
+influence upon my unborn child--I, its mother, had descended to the
+level of a fishwife!... It was Margherita who brought me back to
+consciousness; it was she who restored to me a modicum of my
+self-respect. I believe she was secretly pleased at what I had done.
+
+That night, as she sat beside my bed, she told me something of herself.
+As a young girl she possessed a wonderful singing voice. Her
+parents--poor Italians--who came to America when she was a babe in arms,
+could not afford proper masters. She went on the stage to support
+herself, hoping to earn enough to pay for her musical education. Her
+beauty attracted a patron "of the arts"; at least, that is the way he
+was referred to in the newspapers. But it was not Margherita's art that
+he cared about--it was the woman. He considered his money a fair
+exchange for her body; Margherita was not willing to pay the price. She
+struggled on, and one day, after several years of hazardous existence,
+she found herself stranded in a far Western city without money, without
+friends. In a state of despondency she had walked to the outskirts of
+the town, and there in a lonely wood she sat down to fight out a choice
+between life and death. In a moment of emotion she burst forth into
+song; her troubled soul found solace in Gounod's _Ave Maria_. At the end
+her voice broke, and she sobbed. A hand was laid on her shoulder. It was
+a big hand, strong and sinewy. The man that went with it was big--"big
+all the way through," Margherita said proudly. They were married not
+long after; ever since he had remained at her side, helping to fight for
+a clean career ... making her life's work his.... Dear Margherita! I can
+see you now, with your glorious black eyes, your coronet of raven hair
+with the poppies over your pretty ear.... Oh, the pity of it! Weakened
+by the hardships and privation her life entailed, she died a few years
+later....
+
+When Will came into the room that night, he held a paper in his hand. It
+was our resignation. His eyes twinkled with humour when he told
+Margherita that he was taking the bull by the horns, and sparing us the
+ignominy of dismissal. I was glad to see he was not angry with me. Then
+Margherita whispered something into his ear. He came to the bed and took
+me in his arms, and what he said concerns only a man and wife....
+Margherita stole away, but before she went she kissed us both, and there
+were tears in her eyes.
+
+On the way back to New York, Will and I sat hand in hand looking out at
+the monotonous stretch of desert-land. "I'm glad to have it over--I'm
+glad that's out of our life," he reiterated, pressing my hand. "It was
+rotten!" Suddenly he burst out laughing. He continued long and
+sonorously. "Do you know, girlie," he said, "do you know that with a
+little more fullness of figure and a pair of two-inch heels, you'd make
+a grand Lady Macbeth? Phew!" and he laughed again.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV
+
+
+The question of bearing children had given me many a bad hour. My
+husband felt that the coming of a child, at the outset of his career,
+would be a burden and a handicap; once he was established and could
+afford to maintain a home, it would be time enough, he declared. He felt
+that, at best, children born and reared in the theatrical profession
+were the victims of unnatural conditions. It was not practicable to
+carry a young child about the country, and, if left behind, to the care
+of either relatives or hired attendants, the child was robbed of its
+natural protection. Obviously I must make up my mind to separate from
+one or the other--my child or my husband--until the little one was old
+enough to travel.
+
+Here arose another knotty problem. Children are little human sponges;
+they absorb the atmosphere of their environment. A stage-child is no
+more immune to the vicious influences about it than to a scarlet-fever
+germ. Should I then be willing to expose my child to dangers of more
+far-reaching consequences than physical ailments, and at a time of life
+when character is formed? My husband and I discussed these problems at
+length, and finally concluded that, since the inevitable had happened,
+the wisest course was to make the best of it. How many children, I
+wonder, are conceived in the same spirit? How many births the result of
+accident? How few planned with the wish to bestow the best of one's
+flesh and spirit upon the little stranger? Can the influence of
+unwelcome conception upon the child itself ever be computed? May not
+criminal tendencies and moral delinquencies be traced to such a source?
+If, at the beginning, I were guilty of misdirected sentiment, I set
+myself to right the wrong as the weeks grew into months. I no longer
+chafed at separation; I lived in a kind of spiritual exaltation. My
+plans and dreams of the future were now transferred to the coming of my
+child.
+
+Will was so fortunate as to secure another engagement almost
+immediately. His success led to the opportunity he most desired, and in
+the early autumn he played his first engagement as leading man of a New
+York production. The Company opened out of town; in theatrical parlance
+this is what they call "trying it on the dog."
+
+Our boy was born during Will's absence. It must have been very hard for
+Will to have the nervous strain of a first night's performance and the
+worry of my illness at the same time. I had gone to the hospital alone.
+Will had made the arrangements before he left town. He said he would
+feel better if he knew I was in skilled hands and not at the mercies of
+a lodginghouse-keeper. It seemed cruel to be alone at such a time. I
+cried a little when the big, cheery nurse held my boy for me to kiss....
+I wanted Will's arms around me as I had never longed for them before--or
+after.... The little chap had black hair like Will's, and his forehead
+bulged in the same way. I had always admired Will's forehead....
+
+Baby was six weeks old when his father first saw him. I laughed when he
+held the boy in his arms--he appeared so awkward. After a successful New
+York opening, the play settled down for a run. We moved from our
+furnished room to an apartment. Will found it difficult to sleep with a
+crying baby in the same room. With the coming of the child, and the
+"front" Will's new position demanded, it was hard to make both ends
+meet; for a long time I did the housework except the washing, but when
+my health began to fail Will made me hire a servant.
+
+Will was very fond of our little boy. Even as a small baby, the child
+showed his preference for his father; he would stop crying the moment he
+heard Will's voice. Indeed, I believe that when temptation lured him in
+her most attractive form it was the child who held him close to me.
+
+Temptation there was plenty; his success had been unqualified. The
+critics hailed him as a young man with a great future. His pictures
+began to appear in the magazines and in the pictorial supplements of the
+Sunday papers. He joined an actors' club, where he dined on matinée
+days. Will's family developed a pride in him, hitherto carefully
+suppressed. They had shown decided disapproval of our marriage when it
+became expedient to announce it to them. My introduction to the family,
+during the week our late-lamented Company had played Will's home city,
+was strained and unsatisfactory. Now, however, the sight of the family
+name in print gave unalloyed joy to Will's father, who collected
+newspaper clippings for Will's scrap-book with more zeal than did Will
+himself. Will said this sudden interest reminded him of a story he had
+heard at the club. It ran like this:
+
+A handsome young Irishman of humble parentage had long yearned for the
+footlights. Unable longer to restrain himself, he confided his ambitions
+to his mother. Now, the old lady was an ardent church-goer, and looked
+upon the stage as a quick chute to perdition.
+
+"Jimmie, Jimmie, me boy! To think you'd want to be an actor! To think
+you'd want to bring shame on your old mother, this disgrace on your dead
+father's good name!"
+
+The old lady rocked herself to and fro in her grief. In vain Jimmie
+endeavoured to soothe her. Finally the idea occurred to him.
+
+"But, mither, mither, darlin'," he caressed, "I'll not bring disgrace on
+your name--you know actors always change their names when they go on the
+stage, and no one will ever know who I am."
+
+The old lady stopped her moaning and was silent for a moment.
+
+"But, Jimmie," she protested, "Jimmie, supposin' you became a gr-r-e-at
+mon, supposin' you became a great lion, with your pictures in all the
+papers--and adornin' the fences ... then, Jimmie, how'll they know
+you're me son?" ...
+
+It was at a matinée that I first saw Will in his new part. It was the
+first time since our marriage that I had not heard his lines or helped
+him with his costumes. He had told me all about the play, and I knew the
+cue for his first entrance almost as well as he himself. My heart
+thumped so hard and fast I feared my neighbour would guess who I was.
+His entrance was greeted with a burst of gloved applause, accompanied
+with such exclamations as, "There he is!" "Isn't he a love!" ... "Just
+wait until you see how he can make love!" I confess I hardly knew
+whether to be proud, or indignant. The familiarity with which they
+discussed him grated on me; I resented the proprietary tone. Then I
+smiled at my silliness, for I realized that this very interest made for
+popularity, the most valuable of the actor's assets. I listened to the
+gush of the matinée girls, and their discussion of the private lives of
+theatrical people with a good deal of amusement.
+
+Coming out of the theatre, I heard one woman ask another whether Will
+was married. I wondered what difference that would make in his
+popularity.
+
+After the matinée I went back to Will's dressing-room. Will had planned
+what he called a little junket. We were to dine together at a
+restaurant--a pleasure we could not often afford. While Will washed up I
+told him the nice things I had overheard. I predicted he would become a
+veritable matinée idol--a term which he scorned. There were some letters
+lying on his make-up table. I picked them up idly; Will followed my
+action.
+
+"Read them," he said. "You'll be amused. They are my first mash-notes."
+There was so much roguishness in his smile that I laughed back at him.
+Some of the letters were innocent enough, written in girlish hand, with
+requests for autographs and autographed photographs. One or two asked
+Will's advice about going on the stage, and there was one from a
+tooth-powder firm, wanting the right to use Will's picture in which his
+teeth showed. There was one--a violet-scented note on fine linen,
+written in the large loose vertical scrawl so much affected by smart
+women--without signature. It ran as follows:
+
+     "If you will pardon this somewhat unconventional method of making
+     your acquaintance, my dear Mr. Hartley, I shall be most happy to
+     have you join me at tea, after the matinée, at Sherry's (other
+     drinkables not excluded). I was present at the opening night of
+     your play, and was quite carried away by your splendid acting.
+     Where _did_ you learn to make love? I have occupied the right hand
+     proscenium box every Saturday matinée since the opening. Isn't that
+     a proof of my devotion? Do I flatter myself that I have caught your
+     eye once or twice as the curtain falls? I invariably dress in black
+     and wear gardenias. If you are interested, you will have no
+     difficulty in identifying me. For family reasons I withhold my name
+     for the present. Do come, Mr. Hartley."
+
+As I folded the letter and replaced it in its cover, I recalled that
+Will _had_ glanced towards the right hand proscenium box several times.
+
+"I think I'll put you on a car and send you home," began Will, but
+something in his voice belied his words, and I made him an impudent
+_moué_. "How do you like being married to a matinée idol?" Will asked,
+giving the final touch to his dress.
+
+I did not reply; I was asking myself the same question.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V
+
+
+Will made friends easily. Perhaps it were better to use the word
+"acquaintances." At any rate it was not long until he received more
+invitations than he could accept. He was called on to give his services
+for charitable purposes, but I noticed these hostesses never received
+him in their homes. It must be said that Will rarely accepted an
+invitation which did not include me, though I often realized I was
+invited as a necessary evil. After supper the guests invariably played
+poker, and I knew nothing about cards. The late hours sapped my
+strength, and my boy always wakened early in the morning. Sometimes the
+suppers were held at a well-known restaurant, like Rector's or Martin's.
+I had not the proper clothes for such occasions; it was imperative that
+Will dressed well, and I did not want it said that his wife was shabby.
+The other women wore wonderful gowns and much jewellery.
+
+After a winter's round of these parties, I was able to distinguish one
+particular set from another. There is a smart set, a fast set and a
+loose set which, though none of them can be said to be strictly "in
+society," form a kind of brass-band appendage or fringe to it and differ
+one from the other only in their gradations--or degradations--of moral
+laxness. It is the loose set to which the actor is drawn, or inclines.
+One finds in this particular stratum the artist, the journalist, the
+divorcée and semi-detached woman whose name is legion. The lady who
+maintains a handsome apartment and entertains lavishly is probably a
+"kept" woman with an ambiguous past. Occasionally one finds a multiple
+divorcée with money, playing at patroness to some impecunious
+song-writer or handsome actor with more brawn than brain. But the "kept"
+lady predominates. She is ubiquitous. She dresses à la mode, she is an
+habituée of the smart restaurants, an inveterate first-nighter. Her
+"particular friend" may be a married man of the "my
+wife-don't-understand-me" brand, or he may be one of the "get-rich-quick
+floaters" who joyride across the financial horizon into oblivion. It is
+to this set the stall-fed woman of the leisure class turns to whet her
+jaded appetite. And a hostess' Sunday AT HOME is highly suggestive of
+the "obit" of a Town Topics. Individually and collectively they are
+rotten. Mistaking the sex-heat aroused and stimulated by cocktails and
+other alcoholic beverages for real love and passion, they wallow in the
+erotic mire to their heart's content. Nobody criticizes; nobody cares;
+the faster the pace the greater the joy.
+
+It was upon this subject that my husband and I encountered our first
+real rift. He had commented rather flippantly on the moral tone of a
+recent supper party. We fell to discussing the players' status in
+society. I had observed that with one or two notable exceptions the
+actor is not received by "our best people." To be sure there are a few
+cities outside of New York where quite respectable families, bored by
+the drab routine of conventional society, entertain the actor as a kind
+of _sauce piquante_ to their monotonous lives. But this is the exception
+and not the rule. Wholly misinterpreting my motive, Will defended his
+profession with a blind prejudice. After that he did not ask me to
+accompany him to the various functions. It became quite a common thing
+for him to telephone me from the Club that he would not be home until
+late that night. I was sorry that I had expressed myself so plainly to
+Will; if only I could make him understand that I wanted him to be true
+to the best that was in him.... It hurt me to hear him speak lightly of
+the women with whom he associated, and still continue to go among them.
+
+Miss Burton was now a frequent visitor at our home. She adored the boy
+and never failed to bring him a present when she came. She took upon
+herself to lecture me for not going out with Will, declaring I was
+spoiling him, and that I would make him selfish. I thought over what she
+said, and resolved that I would go with Will when next he asked me. Also
+I began to formulate a little circle of my own. There was a sculptor to
+whom I was particularly attracted. He was a Western product, and was
+preparing to go abroad to study. I had always had a fondness for
+sculpture, and during my enforced retirement I amused myself at moulding
+with clay. A baby's hand I had made attracted his attention one day he
+had called on Will. He advised me to continue my efforts. Miss Burton
+sent me a wonderful outfit and I took up my work of sculpturing in
+earnest. My sculptor friend brought other friends with him, and it
+became a regular thing for me to receive my friends on Sunday afternoon.
+I saw that Will enjoyed my little parties, though they were simple and I
+made no pretensions.
+
+One day--it was at Christmas time--Miss Burton sent me a beautiful gown;
+with the package came a characteristic note: she begged me to accept the
+gown and not to feel hurt, that she was dead broke and could not afford
+to make me a "decent" Christmas present. The gown, she said, had been
+spoiled by the dressmaker, who had made it much too tight, and it would
+make her happy if I would accept it with her love....
+
+It was so pretty--all creamy white and fluffy, and there were little
+pink flowers scattered over the net. I put it on ... and, as I looked at
+myself in the mirror, I felt quite pleased with the reflection. White
+was always becoming to me.... I did not tell Will about my present, but
+the next time he casually mentioned an invitation to dinner I accepted
+with an alacrity which surprised him.
+
+When Sunday came, I dressed with the excitement of a conspirator, and
+when Will called me to help him with his tie I walked into his room
+with an air of unconcern worthy of a star. Will was delighted with my
+appearance.
+
+When we entered the house of our hostess I no longer felt the desire to
+hide myself; instead, I felt quite mistress of myself. It's wonderful
+what a difference clothes will make in one's feelings. Miss Burton told
+me once that, whenever she was down on her luck and felt depressed, she
+forthwith went on a sartorial debauch. She bought everything in sight.
+Her new clothes re-established her self-respect, and somehow, some way,
+a good engagement came along and helped her to pay for her prodigality.
+
+We were a little late in arriving, and when I came down from the
+bedroom, where I had left my wrap, the second round of cocktails was
+being passed. Will was standing at the foot of the stairs talking with
+his hostess. A large nude figure carrying softly shaded lights decorated
+the newel-post, and screened me from view of the woman who was talking
+to Will.
+
+"You handsome dog!" I heard her say. "What have you been doing to Alice?
+She's gone clean off her head--threatens to leave her husband, and is
+drinking like a fish!"
+
+"I haven't done anything," Will began, but at that moment our hostess
+saw me and nudged Will, who joined me and we entered the drawing-room.
+
+I felt Will's questioning eyes on my face, but I did not look at him;
+instead, I gave my hand rather impulsively to my sculptor friend who was
+standing alone, and I did not notice the returning pressure until my
+wedding ring cut into the flesh, and made me wince. I was wondering who
+"Alice" could be and what Will had to do with her. Our hostess's
+"friend" was present. He was a middle-aged man with a ruddy complexion,
+iron gray hair and a closely cropped moustache. I had once seen him at
+the Horse Show in one of the boxes, and he had been pointed out to me as
+a prominent railroad man. He greeted Will noisily.
+
+"Hello, Hartley," he yelled, "you're late on your cue. I suppose you
+wanted to make an effective entrance!"
+
+At the table I sat next to the sculptor; on my other hand was a dentist
+who had leaped into fame by having been expelled from a certain European
+country where he had set up a successful practice. A _liaison_ with the
+wife of a man close to the throne had led to his downfall, and he had
+returned to his native land to be received with open arms by the set in
+which we were now travelling. He had a face such as I imagined Molière
+conceived for his Tartuffe; his voice was caressing and made me sleepy.
+Opposite me sat a well-known star. He was famous for his magnetism.
+Although I could not discern it, there must have existed something of
+the sort, for every leading woman who engaged with him, sooner or later,
+succumbed to his charm. I myself knew of one girl whose life was almost
+ruined when he took up with another woman who had joined his Company to
+play a special engagement. This girl was one of the prettiest I ever
+saw; she was "chaperoned" by a complaisant mother. This irresistible
+gentleman was married, but his wife refused to live with him and made
+her home abroad. For the sake of the children she refused to divorce
+him.
+
+A comic opera singer sat beside the hostess. The dentist, assuming that
+I knew the situation, asked me, _sotto voce_, how long I thought it
+would be before "papa took a tumble to himself." When I confessed my
+inability to follow him, he proceeded to enlighten me. The hostess was
+infatuated with the singer, who was as poor as Job's turkey, and while
+her protector was absent--(he was married and had several grown
+children)--the lady consoled herself with song. This easy,
+matter-of-fact way in which these topics were discussed, the utter lack
+of restraint between the sexes, no longer shocked me. I was on the point
+of asking my purveyor of illicit news whether he could tell me who Alice
+was; instead, I turned to the bored man at my right, and by degrees I
+got him to tell me of his ambitions, his work and his ideas of life. I
+found we had much in common.
+
+While we were talking, there was a noisy argument going on at the other
+end of the table.
+
+"I wouldn't stand it for one minute!" rang out the voice of our hostess,
+and I saw her shoot a meaning glance at the singer.
+
+"Ask an actor's wife! Ask Mrs. Hartley!" bellowed the host. "Mrs.
+Hartley?"
+
+"Yes?" I responded, not knowing the subject of conversation.
+
+"Pardon me for interrupting so interesting a conversation, won't you,
+Calhoun," he said, addressing my sculptor friend with exaggerated
+courtesy. "I'll give her back to you in a minute.... Mrs. Hartley, the
+ladies want to know how it feels to watch your husband make love to
+another woman?"
+
+I caught Will's eye. At another time I should have been embarrassed.
+To-night, however, I felt a strange self-control.
+
+"Oh dear, what an old chestnut!" I answered flippantly. "I believe
+that's the nine hundred and ninety-ninth time I've answered that
+question this season." I noticed that my voice took on a bored tone.
+
+"Well, tell us!" urged mine host.
+
+"To tell the truth," I began, "I never give it a thought."
+
+Will's eyes twinkled; he was seated at the far end of the table between
+two stall-feds.
+
+"It's a part of the business," I continued, "just as dictating to his
+typewriter is a part of the routine of a business man. Does every wife
+suspect her husband's stenographer?"
+
+"Yes! yes!" came the chorus from the curvilinear gentlemen at the other
+end of the table.
+
+I shrugged my shoulders. "Very well, then, it seems to me, since you
+gentlemen won't behave, that it is up to the women to see that you do!"
+I sat down. I felt ashamed of my vulgarity. Our host suggested a toast
+and scrambled to his feet. "Here's to our wives and sweethearts--may
+they never meet!"
+
+There was more laughter. The dentist murmured something about moss-grown
+jokes, and the hostess asked why husbands and lovers were excluded. I
+felt my mouth drawing down at the corners, and I buried my lips in the
+American Beauty rose the sculptor had purloined from the centre-piece.
+
+It was probably the frequent replenishing of the wine glasses which led
+the doctor-dentist to level all his batteries of fascination upon me. He
+moved nearer and closer, until even the hostess noticed his efforts; she
+thought it funny. Finally, he slipped his hand beneath the table and let
+it rest upon my knee. I arose and asked the sculptor to exchange seats
+with me. I think he understood, for as I passed him he said to me in a
+low, intense tone, "Is that beast annoying you?" I did not answer. In my
+confusion I upset a glass of wine, and the wine-agent across the table
+told me he was sorry I didn't like his wine.
+
+As the dinner progressed some spicy stories were exchanged. The time we
+lingered at the table seemed interminable. Mr. Calhoun told me I should
+take a drink of brandy, for I was growing quite pale. He could not, of
+course, realize that at that moment I had suddenly noticed that Will's
+companion was dressed all in black and wore gardenias. A moment later
+the hostess had called her "Alice." ... She leered at Will with
+wine-shot eyes, her breath coming in quick, short gasps, and I noticed
+that his right and her left hand were under the table....
+
+As we left the table I had asked Mr. Calhoun what time it was. When he
+told me it was after eleven I ran quickly up the stairs to the room
+where I had seen a telephone. It was my habit to awaken my boy at
+half-after nine every night to give him nourishment. He was put to bed
+at five o'clock, and the period between that and morning was too long to
+go without food. I wanted to ask my maid whether she had remembered my
+instructions. The telephone was in a kind of closet off the hostess's
+bedroom; beyond the bedroom was her boudoir, reached by a door from the
+corridor. I had finished with my message, and was about to go
+downstairs, where the singing had begun, when I heard someone enter the
+boudoir beyond. I stopped and drew back, why, I do not know. A moment
+later there were footsteps on the stairs, and Will entered the room. He
+came quickly and began speaking at once.
+
+"My dear Alice," he said, "this thing can't go on. You are making a fool
+of me and of yourself. The first thing you know your husband will get on
+to it and there will be the devil to pay!"
+
+"That's right! Make it harder for me," the woman answered. "Why do you
+always bring my husband into the conversation? You know how it is
+between us. We haven't lived as man and wife for years. He's never
+understood me and I can't go on with him any longer. I won't--that's
+all!"
+
+There was a pause before Will spoke again.
+
+"Come on, don't go on like that; everybody will know what's happened.
+You'll spoil your eyes."
+
+Another pause. I think these silences were the hardest to bear....
+
+"You had no right to let it go this far if you didn't care," the woman
+went on resentfully.
+
+"This far? How do you mean? There has been nothing that you need be
+ashamed of--nothing that you couldn't tell your husband if it came
+right down to it," answered Will.
+
+The woman laughed angrily. "Is that so? I suppose you count a few motor
+rides and a few suppers on the side nothing. I suppose you wouldn't mind
+telling your wife that you had held me in your arms and kissed my eyes
+and my hair...."
+
+"Good Heavens! neither of us meant anything wrong! We were just carried
+away for a few minutes--you're a fascinating devil--and the wine helped
+some.... Now, don't do that, don't do any of that foolish business with
+me...."
+
+What was she doing, I wondered? Did she intend to kill him or kill
+herself? I almost started to Will's rescue, then--she laughed.
+
+"Powder your nose and let's go down. Somebody will notice our absence."
+
+Evidently she obeyed, for there was another pause.
+
+"You needn't worry about your wife," she said. "The giant from the West
+is keeping her busy. Better keep your eye on him."
+
+Will did not reply. My eardrums seemed on the point of bursting from the
+surging of the blood to my head.
+
+They came out into the corridor. At the head of the steps she stopped.
+
+"I suppose it amuses you to make women love you," she said.
+
+"My dear woman, you don't love me; I don't flatter myself to that
+extent."
+
+She laughed sneeringly.
+
+Would they never go?
+
+"Kiss me good-night and good-bye," she half whispered.
+
+"This is the last one," he answered, "the last, remember."
+
+There was a stifled cry as she clung to him, and I saw Will release
+himself and run down the steps. A few minutes later she followed. I
+found my way down the servants' stairs and entered the dining-room from
+the butler's pantry. When Will came to look for me I was drinking brandy
+frappée with the wine merchant.... That night I slept on a couch beside
+my boy's crib.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI
+
+
+After that memorable dinner party things were never quite the same
+between Will and me. I am sure, however, that Will was unconscious of
+the fact. He went about as usual. At this juncture Boy came down with
+scarlet-fever. The enforced quarantine acted as a bar to any intimacy
+between my husband and me. I welcomed the isolation. My feelings had not
+yet recovered from the bruise I had received. How many times I had
+re-lived the scene to which I had been an unwilling eavesdropper! I
+blamed myself for not at once having made my presence known. I excused
+myself on the ground that to have done so would have placed Will in a
+ridiculous and embarrassing situation. For some inexplicable reason the
+idea of embarrassing my husband was repugnant to me. My resentment was
+concentrated against the woman. I felt sure she was to blame. I invented
+all kinds of excuses for Will and at the same time I recognized that
+they were pure inventions. I could not bring myself to kiss my
+husband--at least, not for a long, long time. His arms no longer
+connoted a haven. How utterly wretched I was--how lonely and
+heart-hungry! Only a fierce struggle with my self-respect kept me from
+throwing myself into my husband's arms and crying out my hurt against
+his breast.
+
+After Boy had recovered, Will one day remarked that I was looking tired.
+He said I was stopping indoors too closely--would I not accompany him to
+a little ... I tingled all over my body. I dared not trust myself to
+look at him. Instead I forced a smile and shook my head in negation.
+
+"I reckon you don't like the bunch," he quizzed.
+
+"I fear I'm not even a little bit of a sport," I answered.
+
+He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. The glance was
+characteristic of Will. Often I had seen this same expression when some
+one had recognized him on the street or in a restaurant. It was a
+curious blend of boyish self-consciousness and exaggerated unconcern.
+
+With the coming of summer began the annual hunt for an engagement. A
+walk along that part of Broadway known as the Rialto during the early
+months of the heated term leaves the impression that there has been a
+lock-out of the whole theatrical profession. Actors block the corners
+and hem the sidewalks. The supply far exceeds the demand. Year after
+year they make the weary rounds of the agencies. Season follows season
+with but a few weeks' employment for many of them. One wonders that the
+impermanency of his profession does not drive the actor to other
+vocations--perhaps "trades" were the better word, since the rank and
+file are better adapted to plumbing than to acting. The microbe which
+infects the actor is as deadly in its effect as the Tsi-tsi fly. It
+produces an exaggerated ego from which the victim never recovers. The
+only palliative is the lime-light. Retirement from the stage is never
+permanent. Farewell tours of prominent players, like the brook, go on
+forever. It is the spirit of make-believe with which the actor is
+saturated which leads him to make a front even to his confrères. "Signed
+for next season?" one overhears, edging one's way through the crowd.
+
+"No, not yet--I've had several good offers, but not just what I want.
+I'm in no hurry," and he twirls his cane with a nonchalant air, though
+he may not have the price of next week's board-bill. And so it goes, ad
+infinitum. His is the kingdom of bluff.
+
+Will was one of the fortunates. After several weeks of haggling over
+salary, he was engaged by "America's foremost producer." The actor of
+established position--"established" being a mere figure of speech, since
+at best the actor's position is an aleatory one--those of prominence
+usually demand to read the play before signing a contract. In this
+instance Will waived this privilege. Absolute secrecy was maintained as
+to the character of the play. The reason for this lay in the fact that
+the manager was at war with the Theatrical Syndicate. His grievances he
+had made known to the public. As a lone, solitary Saint George of _art_,
+fighting the monster dragon, _commercialism_, he made a "play" for the
+public's sympathy--and won it.
+
+The momentous question of employment disposed of, we started for our
+summer holiday. It was Will's first idea to go to a village on Nantucket
+Island. Here a group of more or less successful actor-folk had
+established a summer colony. Some of them owned comfortable bungalows
+or were in the throes of buying them. After maturer deliberation Will
+concluded he wanted a change of "atmosphere." In other words he wanted
+to get away from "shop." A residential park in the Catskills was finally
+decided upon. The cottagers were for the most part staid Brooklyn
+families and Will felt in this environment he was reasonably sure of
+privacy. The delusion was a short-lived one. As we left the train and
+made our way to the 'bus which was to convey us to the Park I heard a
+whisper and titter from a bevy of pretty girls who had come to the
+railway station to watch the new arrivals. "There's Mr. Blank, the
+actor!" and Will understood that he was "discovered." Some of the girls
+climbed into the 'bus, others followed on foot. All giggled and made
+significant remarks. At the Inn it was immediately noised about that an
+actor was in "our midst." We became the cynosure of all eyes. Curious
+maiden ladies looked us over--at a respectful distance. Our most
+insignificant movements were under observation. Now, it is one thing to
+be stared at on the stage; quite another to have the minutest detail of
+one's private life under constant surveillance. Will, who had planned
+to live the simple life, which he had construed for himself as going
+unshaved for days at a time, wearing baggy trousers and flannel shirts
+all day and dining in that garb if it so pleased him, now found himself
+donning white ducks (the salvage of a former season's wardrobe), playing
+tennis, bridge, or lounging about the piazza answering endless inane
+questions concerning the stage and its people. If we went for a walk we
+were soon overtaken; if we planned a quiet day in the woods there was
+arranged an impromptu picnic-party to accompany us. To be sure the
+attention thrust upon us was of kindly intent, though Will declared the
+pleasure was theirs and more or less selfishly bestowed. An actor and
+his family at close range is a novelty apparently as much coveted as a
+man at a seaside after the week-end hejira back to town.
+
+One week of the cuisine at the Inn drove Will to dyspepsia tablets.
+Instead of fresh vegetables, home-grown fowl and the other concomitants
+of the country-board illusions, we were served with such delicacies as
+creamed cod-fish, canned salmon and johnny cake. I came to the
+conclusion that the housekeeping and servant problems had driven the
+Brooklynites to a state of submission where even the fare provided by
+the Inn was better than Bridget's dictation.
+
+The rooms of the caravansary were veritable cockle-shells. The
+partitions were so thin that we carried on all conversation in subdued
+whispers. We wished that other guests would emulate our example, alas
+and alack! Up with the lark and early morning sunbursts were not in
+Will's curriculum. He said he did not object to a sunrise if he could
+sit up all night with convivial friends to await it. And, when a man is
+in the habit of lying abed till noon, it is difficult to change his
+régime. He soon developed nerves. One morning, after futile attempts to
+sleep, Will dragged himself into his clothes and disappeared. When
+finally he returned he had the roguish face of a boy who had been
+stealing little red apples. He had found a farm-house and after some
+"dickering" on both sides he had rented house, farm and all for the
+remainder of the season.
+
+"Just think, girlie," he enthused, "what a circus it will be! There's a
+garden with all kinds of vegetables, there's a cow, bushels of
+chickens, an old nag, a dog, to say nothing of the pigs and----"
+
+"Who," I gasped, "who is going to care for this menagerie?"
+
+"We are--you and me. Besides I need the exercise. I want to take off a
+few pounds of this embonpoint or I'll lose my 'figger.' Of course
+there's a hired man who'll come in to do the milking and the heavy work,
+and his sister will cook and 'tidy up' for us. It'll be great!" He
+stopped long enough to throw out his chest, inhale deeply and to exhale
+noisily while he pounded his lungs--a little trick he had of expressing
+a sense of well-being. "Fresh vegetables, fresh eggs and the cow--think
+what the cow will do for the kiddie! You never saw me work, did
+you?--man with the hoe business, I mean. I used to love that kind of
+thing when I went home to visit the old folks in the summer. Come along,
+girlie, let's get things together. The coach and four will be here
+soon."
+
+He swung Boy over his shoulder and carried him pick-a-back to our room.
+While we packed he told me the details of his "find." The farm belonged
+to an old man and his wife, whose children--three sons--had yielded to
+the call of the city. Bit by bit the lonely old couple had sold the
+land, not being able to work it themselves and unsuccessful in their
+attempts to induce the children to return to their heritage. For a long
+time they had "hankered" to visit the boys in Brooklyn, but money was
+scarce and the little farm with the live stock could not be left uncared
+for. The old man had advertised the homestead for rent, furnished. "The
+few who came to see had one excuse or another for not wanting it," the
+old man had told Will. "Most of 'em wanted a bath and runnin' water and
+they shied at the oil lamps."
+
+"They evidently wanted the simple life with all modern appliances," Will
+continued. "After talking it over with Ma whilst I waited on the porch
+drinking buttermilk, Pa returned and asked if I meant business. I
+assured him I did and proved it by offering to pay the summer's rent in
+advance."
+
+I caught my breath. Mental arithmetic failed me. Will had told me before
+leaving New York that we were "playing pretty close to the cushion," and
+I knew what that meant. If Will noticed my perturbation he evinced no
+sign, but went on in the same enthusiastic vein. "Pa and Ma talked it
+over again, 'If Ma ain't lost her taste for visiting Brooklyn,'--Ma
+hadn't, but she wanted a week to get ready. Pa said he could pack all he
+wanted in a paper bag. I said I must have the place at once or not at
+all--and--here we are." I was not surprised at our sudden change of
+base. Will always acted on the impulse of the moment.
+
+When Will went down to pay our hotel bill it was lunch-time. Nearly all
+the cottagers in the Park had assembled. Much regret was expressed at
+our desertion of the Inn. (I quite understood that "our" was a mere form
+of courtesy, inasmuch as I was looked upon as only an appendage hitched
+to a star.) Will laid our desertion to the Boy. "He needs a cow," he
+explained blandly to a group of admirers. "A child of his age needs one
+brand of milk. One can't be too careful in hot weather, you know," and
+Will's whole bearing portrayed paternal solicitude. The farm wagon
+arrived opportunely. Will winked at me. He had told me that he was
+"side-stepping" the lunch of dried lima beans and creamed cod-fish. "I
+wanted to do it gracefully, of course. They are all nice people and it's
+good business. That's the kind of thing that gives an actor his
+following; just the same I'm glad to get away and relax. This being
+always on parade--! They simply won't concede an actor any privacy. They
+won't let you be natural. They expect you to act 'on' and 'off.'"
+
+It was a long and bumpy drive to the farm. We could have walked it in a
+third of the time by cutting 'cross country. The poor old horse driven
+by Aaih, the farm hand, looked moth-eaten and worn. It hurt my
+conscience to add to his burden, so Will and I climbed down and walked
+the rest of the way. Will, carrying Boy first on his shoulder and then
+on his back, reminded me of pictures I had seen of early settlers making
+their way through the wilds in search of a home. Once in every little
+while Will would burst forth in a lusty halloa which made the welkin
+ring. "Halloa" came back from the echoing hills. Even Boy saluted the
+great god Pan. There was an exhilaration in the air which made one glad
+to be alive.
+
+It was a noisy trio which swung into the lane leading to the farm house.
+Ma was on the front porch awaiting us. She made a quaint picture in her
+rusty black alpaca with her gingham apron half turned back under her
+arm. At her neck there was an old daguerreotype set in a
+brooch--probably a likeness of a child she had lost. The lack-lustre
+eyes were kindly, almost pensively so, and the red spots in her cheeks
+indicated the excitement under which she laboured. While we sprawled on
+the porch she bustled about for buttermilk. Boy had taken a shine to
+Aaih, and refused to leave him for the "one brand of milk," the virtues
+of which Will had expounded to the lady cottagers. Pa called out a
+friendly greeting from the kitchen where he was "poking up the fire" in
+response to orders from his wife. The odour of cooking things whetted
+our already keen appetites. "I had Pa kill a chicken at the last
+minute," the dear old lady explained, "for everybody who comes to the
+country hankers for fried chicken." I shot a glance at Will. Will was "a
+nice feeder" and I devoutly hoped his epicurean tastes would not balk at
+a freshly-killed fowl. It would be a sin not to appreciate the old
+lady's kindliness. Mentally I resolved to eat every helping if it killed
+me.
+
+I fear there was poor picking for Aaih after we left the table. I helped
+Ma with the dishes and after they were cleared away she showed me the
+run of the house. Later we joined the men folks out of doors and made a
+tour of the farm. There was something pathetic in the way they asked us
+to take good care of Snyder, whose mixed breed reminded one of the much
+advertised pickles. Old Ben, we were told, was not fast but he was
+trust-worthy even in the face of automobiles. Good laying hens were
+pointed out, but I could never remember one from the other. We made the
+acquaintance of Bossy and were warned that the other cow with a calf was
+not so friendly. We talked so long that at the last moment Ma got
+flustered. She came very near forgetting the home-made jelly she was
+taking to her niece at Kingston where they were to stay the night, going
+on to New York on the morrow. When at last they drove away to take the
+train, we followed the buggy to the end of the lane, then watched them
+out of sight with much waving of hands and repeated good-byes. The sun
+was dropping behind the peaks. Across the valley spiral coils of smoke
+showed gray against the blue-green hills. How calm, how serene it was!
+Neither spoke. Will was leaning against the snake-rail fence,
+thoughtfully ruminating. Presently he fell to whistling softly. I
+smiled. "Give my regards to Broadway, remember me to Herald Square" was
+ludicrously out of joint with our surroundings. Will divined my thoughts
+and smiled quizzically at me over his shoulder. "It's a long way from
+Broadway, eh, girlie?"
+
+"Not nearly long enough!" I responded. And I was right. If, upon leaving
+the Inn we had deluded ourselves with the idea of retiring from the
+public eye, we soon discovered our mistake. Our retreat was unearthed;
+our privacy intruded upon. At inopportune moments passers-by would
+appear ostensibly to inquire their way, obviously to get a glimpse of
+the actor "at play." It came to be an annoyance, especially after Will
+was caught in the act of clearing out a duck pond or helping Aaih to
+whitewash a chicken-house. When Will indulged in manual labour he
+relieved himself of all superfluous clothing. When a hero does this sort
+of thing on the stage he manages somehow to look pretty. But a matinée
+idol with streaks of whitewash laid across his sweating brow, sundry
+snaggs in disreputable trousers, a handkerchief around his neck with
+utter disregard of artistic effect, is a treat reserved for the bosom of
+his immediate family only. So, after repeated offences, whilom visitors
+were warned off by the threatening admonition--in more or less uneven
+lettering--
+
+    "PRIVATE PROPERTY--NO ADMITTANCE."
+
+Experience Dorset was Aaih's sister. She might have been his twin, so
+alike were they. The only apparent difference was that plainness in a
+man becomes homeliness in a woman. In so far as we were able to
+discover, Experience belied her name. True, she made delicious bread and
+crullers, and one never felt her apple dumplings after forty-eight
+hours, but, other than these, Experience's experience was as drab as her
+complexion. She was slow of speech--and exhaustive. Her invariable "Now,
+ma'am, what'll I fly at next?" was contradictory to her deliberation.
+Nothing ruffled her. In a temperamental family this asset is not to be
+despised. To Experience Will was an enigma. She confided to me, soon
+after allying herself with our household, that she was never sure when
+Will was making believe and when he was himself. She felt certain he
+must sometimes mix himself up. It was her way of explaining a dual
+personality.
+
+Will liked to play golf. Several times a week we tramped across the
+hills to the Club, some two miles distant. We never left the links
+without several girls in our train. It was impossible to shake them off.
+Sometimes they accompanied us to the house and sat on the porch to rest.
+Later they discovered that afternoon tea was an institution with me. I
+am sure that Experience enjoyed these little tea-parties as much as did
+the girls. Punctually at four o'clock she would appear on the porch,
+neatly dressed. With scissors in hand she raided the flower-beds for
+lady-slippers and clove-geranium with which to adorn the table. The
+stone jar in which she kept the cookies was never empty. And when the
+girls came trooping up the lane she was the first to hear them and to
+rouse Will from his siesta.
+
+Will said he felt like a bull in a china shop at these informal teas. I
+thought he was charming and agreeable though he pretended he was bored.
+After tea we would wander out of doors. Nearly all the girls took
+snap-shots of Will. He tried to find a new pose for each of them. "The
+man with the hoe" showed Will among the cabbages, resting on the handle
+of the hoe. "Under the old apple tree" was effective even if the apple
+tree was an oak. Reclining on a mound of hay, carted for the purpose by
+the faithful Aaih, was labelled "In the good old summer time." "The
+actor at play" showed Will with a golf-stick in his hand. Later Will
+autographed the pictures.
+
+Many were the questions we were called upon to answer concerning the
+stage as a career. We were asked to verify all sorts of silly gossip
+about players. It was well-nigh impossible to convince them that all
+male stars were not in love with their leading ladies and vice versa. It
+goes without saying that I should not escape the inevitable question,
+"How did I feel when I saw my husband making love to another woman?" It
+amused me to watch the little subterfuges to which the girls resorted to
+win my favour. Bon-bons were the bribes most in vogue. One day I
+overheard a newcomer to our circle tell another girl, "You didn't tell
+me he was married--and a baby, too. How terribly unromantic! I'll never
+go to see him act again as long as I live."
+
+Will and I laughed over the situation, albeit there is a considerable
+ground for the managerial contention that actors and actresses should
+not marry, or, if married, the fact should be suppressed rather than
+advertised. Indeed, who likes to think of her Romeo as dawdling a
+colicky baby during the wee sma' hours about the time he should be
+exclaiming with unfettered fervour, "What light from yonder window
+breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun!" I recall a tragedy of my
+own romantic youth upon discovering that a favourite actor was not only
+a father, but that he wore--O, horrible, most horrible--a toupee!
+
+There was no escaping the amateur theatricals. I predicted it early in
+the summer. The proceeds of the entertainment were to be applied toward
+the discharging of the debt of the Golf Club. Will was asked to take
+entire charge of the programme. His position was no sinecure.
+
+It was their first intention to give "As You Like It" in the open, but
+as every young woman thought herself particularly adapted to the
+requirements of Rosalind, Will found himself in a delicate position. The
+young men of the community themselves cut the Gordian knot. They aspired
+to be comedians. Vaudeville was finally decided upon. A quartette of
+college students blacked up and gave a minstrel show. Some of the jokes
+were local and aimed at the idiosyncrasies of the cottagers. Others were
+purloined from Jo Miller's joke-book. There was a trombone solo by the
+village farrier, several vocal duets and a selection from the Mikado.
+Will contributed several monologues. But the star feature of the evening
+was the performance of Dolly in a scene from the Wizard of Oz. She was a
+dainty creature with Dresden china beauty and bovine eyes and had been
+much admired by the male contingent of the colony. Everybody felt sure
+there was a treat in store for them. There was. When Dolly entered,
+leading the amiable Bossy, a gasp reverberated through the erstwhile
+bowling alley. Dolly's short skirt revealed nether extremities which
+would have done great credit to Barnum's fat lady or a baby grand piano!
+
+Our vacation passed all too quickly. The day approached when we needs
+must bid good-bye to our retreat.... The memory of the old farm-house
+lingers still. The chill in the air at nightfall; the warmth of the
+log-fire; the sense of comfort and content; the green paste-board shade
+on the lamp; the rag rug on the floor. In my mind's eye I see the old
+couple sitting here of winter nights; Ma, piecing together the
+vari-coloured rags for the summer weaving; Pa, nodding over last week's
+news; Snyder stretched out in front of the fire, whimpering in his
+dreams. How far removed from the feverish walk of our life, with its
+hopes, its struggles, its heart-burns, and its empty fame! Yet, they, as
+we, were "merely players."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII
+
+
+Rehearsals for the new play began in August. The days were wilting but
+the theatrical world up and doing. Every available stage, hall and loft
+was requisitioned. Several companies shared the same stage, dividing the
+hours between them. Will's manager had his own theatre and the
+rehearsals were all-day affairs. Will studied his part at night after
+"the family" had retired. Sometimes I would lie awake and listen to him,
+talking aloud, reading a line first with one inflection and then trying
+another. Will's voice was one of his greatest assets.
+
+Experience had come back to town with us. Before leaving the mountains,
+Will had jestingly asked her whether she would like to see Broadway. She
+took him at his word. We flattered ourselves she had become fond of us.
+We discovered later that it was the profession, not the family, which
+lured her. She had found a new volume of faery lore. Will was the faery
+prince. Sometimes I wondered just how Experience reconciled Will's
+morning grumpiness with her preconceived notion of a hero. I recall how
+after seeing Will in a new rôle he had asked her how she liked him. She
+expressed herself as pleased with the play in general and with him in
+particular. But after he left the room she confided to me the following:
+"Ain't he the naturalest thing when he yells at that man with the
+powdered hair, Jackwees or somethin' like that--'Jackwees, bring me my
+sword!' I declare, ma'am, I jumped a foot and started for that sword! It
+was so natural; that's just the way he yells when I forget the morning
+papers."
+
+The reliability of Experience brought me more leisure. I was free to go
+about without worry over the boy. I felt that intellectually I needed
+stimulus and I planned a winter's work. Of course everything depended
+upon the play "getting over," to use the vernacular. Will said he did
+not see how it could fail. Everyone connected with the production said
+the same thing. Success was in the air. Several times I had dropped in
+to see a rehearsal. I was interested to know the "method" of this
+particular manager about whom so much had been written. His productions
+were always effectively mounted. Magazine articles, full-page interviews
+had from time to time printed his recipes for evolving successful stars
+as well as money-making plays. One thrilling account in
+particular--supposedly his own words--told of the strenuous training of
+the tyro; how he aroused in his actors the precise degree of emotion
+necessary to a given scene. "I dragged her by the hair!" or "I pictured
+her own mother lying dead, foully murdered, before her until she cried
+aloud at the picture I had conjured." Again, "I tied my wrists together,
+I rolled about the floor, struggling to free myself; I wanted to feel
+just what a man would feel under similar conditions!" These and other
+highly coloured statements had from time to time been served up to the
+public. It is amazing how gullibly the public bites at the press-agent's
+worm. In nearly all such instances nothing could be farther from the
+truth. My own observation convinced me that the man's genius lay in his
+ability to select the right person for the right place. Having made the
+selection he played upon the _amour propre_ of his puppets. He led them
+to believe he had supreme confidence in their ability. The ruse was
+successful. It is the better part of human nature to want to measure up
+to the good opinion of others.
+
+His methods of conducting a rehearsal were the simplest. He had infinite
+patience and perseverance. He left nothing to chance. A scene or an
+effect was repeated until the "mechanics" became automatic. His voice
+never rose above a conversational tone. He knew that to command others
+he must first be in command of himself. He left the roaring to petty
+understrappers with inflated ideas of their own importance. Once in a
+blue moon he let go. The effect was electrifying. I strongly suspected,
+however, that there was more or less "acting" in these outbursts. Just
+as his reluctant appearance before the curtain on first nights was a
+"carefully prepared bit of impromptu acting." The frightened expression
+of his face; the quick, nervous walk; the almost inaudible voice when he
+thanked his audience, "on behalf of the star, the author (or co-author),
+the musicians, the costumers, the scenic artists" and so on down the
+line; this with his mannerism of tugging at a picturesque forelock, this
+alone was worth the price of admission. First and last he was a good
+showman. The star who was the stepping stone to his fame and fortune
+was a lady with a past. She had entered the stage door through the
+advertising medium of the divorce court. After several unsuccessful
+attempts at starring she placed herself under the tuition of the
+manager, then allied with a school of acting. Possessed of abundant
+animal vitality--"magnetism," if you prefer--as well as "temperament,"
+the ugly duckling developed into a star of first magnitude. When Will
+joined the company she was at the height of her success--a success which
+later dulled the finer artistic restraint and listed toward a fall. But
+act she could, playing upon each reed, each stop of the emotional organ,
+with a conviction of which few actresses are capable. In the choice of
+plays the genius of the man again displayed itself; the right play for
+the right person. Doubtless, he understood that temperament, after all,
+is but the flood-tide of our natural predilections.
+
+To the layman a rehearsal is a bewildering and murky affair. Seated in
+the "front of the house," in the clammy shadow of shrouded seats, a
+student of human nature finds much to interest him. Under the light of a
+single "bunch" or the "blanching" irregular foots, the players look old
+and insignificant. The blue white light has a cruel way of exposing the
+lines and seams. They sit about or stand in groups, the blue-covered
+typewritten parts in hand awaiting the call of the first act. A youngish
+man, probably the assistant stage-manager, sets the stage; that is, he
+marks the entrances and the boundaries with plain wooden chairs and
+stage-braces. The homely wooden chair plays many parts; now it stands
+for a fire-place or a grand piano, again it may be a rocky pass beyond
+which are the mountains.
+
+A fagged looking man enters the stage door with a hurried, important
+air. By the bundle of manuscript under his arm shall you know him. It is
+the stage-manager. He greets the members of the company with a curt,
+preoccupied air and hurries down to the prompt stand. There are
+consultations with the working staff and perhaps with one or two of the
+players. While he is thus engaged let us enquire into the personnel of
+the company; that tall good-looker in the well tailored gown is a
+newcomer to the stage. She has been given a small part--a half dozen
+lines at best. On twenty dollars a week she carries a maid--and a jewel
+case. No, she does not _have_ to work for a living; neither is she the
+spoilt child of a multi-millionaire. She belongs to that great class of
+women who have no class. Time hangs heavily on her hands. It looks
+better to be connected with some kind of a profession; a legitimate
+profession. Besides, her vanity makes her "want to do something." The
+stage has always appealed to her. With a little "influence" she gets a
+part. Salary is no object. Perhaps the management has saved five or ten
+dollars a week on the deal. At any rate a good-looker adds "class" to
+the personnel. She drives to the theatre in a taxi; sometimes she comes
+in a big limousine car accompanied by an elderly gentleman with watery
+eyes. On the opening night he will send her great boxes of American
+Beauty roses. After the show they will sup at Rector's, and his friends
+who have been in front with him will tell her how pretty she looked. Of
+course she will not go on the road with the company. Dear no! She will
+leave that to some other girl who is not so young, not so pretty, but
+who needs the money.
+
+The white-haired lady with the sweet face and the stern old man who has
+brought her a chair are man and wife. Theirs is one of the few stage
+marriages which have endured. Perhaps it is the very rarity of the case
+which makes them so popular and well-beloved. One hears them invariably
+referred to as "Dear old Mr. and Mrs. So and So." One looks at them
+wistfully and wonders at the secret of their success....
+
+The actor with the monocle, oddly cut clothes and the overpowering
+savoir-faire is an English importation. Managers assert that the average
+English actor plays the gentleman more effectively than his American
+cousin. It all depends on what kind of a gentleman the rôle demands.
+When an Englishman is called upon to portray a gentlemanly officer of
+the United States Army the effect is incongruous to say the least. The
+American manager, vulgar and uncouth himself, is impressed by the
+English complacency. A bluffer, he has a sneaking respect for anyone who
+throws a bluff and gets away with it.
+
+The several youngish men with a hint of effeminancy in their make-up
+might be called the "stationaries" or "walking gentlemen." One of this
+_genre_ is to be found in nearly every company. Too proud for the ribbon
+counter, too erratic for commercial life, he drifts into the profession
+because he feels the call of the artistic temperament. He plays small
+parts, disseminates gossip, flatters the star--or the leading
+lady--reads a little, sleeps much--and drinks more.
+
+That beefy looking man is the leading heavy. Not many years since he was
+a leading man. Now when a leading man takes on flesh he is marked for a
+reduction in value. The first step down in his career is the day he
+begins to play heavies. To be sure, there are heavy men who never have
+been leading men; these, however, come under the head of character
+heavies. The gentlemanly heavy unfailingly aspires to heroic rôles. The
+present incumbent of villainy had "fallen on his feet." Some seasons
+previously he had played an inconsequential engagement under the same
+management. The star took a fancy to him. Henceforth his engagements
+were assured--until the fancy waned. Everybody understood; they shrugged
+their shoulders and smiled. Nobody cared. Neither did the heavy man.
+
+Character actors without exception are envious of the leading man. "Call
+that acting?" demands the man behind the make-up. "Call it acting to
+walk on and play yourself? Why, it's a cinch!"
+
+"_O, is it?_" retorts the leading man. "You ought to try it. It's the
+most difficult thing in the world to walk on and be perfectly natural.
+I'd like to see some of you fellows who hide behind your wigs and queer
+make-ups go on and play a straight part. Why you wouldn't know what to
+do with your hands!" ...
+
+There was something plaintive about the woman who sat in the shadow of
+the set-pieces, piled high against the wall. The rouge on her cheeks but
+accentuated the lines in her face. The brassy gold on her hair showed
+gray against her temples. "Better days" was clearly stamped all over
+her. Perhaps she was thinking of those days--when _she_ was a star; when
+being a star meant something more than an animated clothes-horse. Her
+mother had been a great actress in the Booth and Barrett days. She,
+herself, had lisped some childish lines with them. Later, she had become
+a soubrette and a star in merry little plays in which she sang and
+danced and "emoted," all in one evening. There are no soubrettes
+nowadays. The term has degenerated into a slangy sobriquet. "Ingénue"
+has replaced it; nothing is required of an _ingénue_ but saccharine
+sweetness and vacuous prettiness--and youth, youth, _youth_! O, the
+harvest of age! The public which she had amused for years has forgotten
+her. They scarcely recall her existence: not even a hand of recognition
+on her entrance. Occasionally a reviewer will dig her out of the dust of
+the past--only to speak of her as "in Memoriam." Managers, too, hesitate
+to engage her. There are so many has-beens and so few parts to fit them.
+Besides, there are freshly spawned pupils from the divine academies to
+be had for the asking. Why waste money?...
+
+A psychical ripple disturbs the ether. Necks crane toward the door. The
+star arrives. She comes slowly, with the air of one assured of an
+effective entrance. She punctuates her animated conversation with the
+manager with smiles and nods. That meek-looking person bringing up the
+rear is the author. He gropes his way through the dark passage to the
+front of the house and is lost in oblivion.
+
+"First act!" calls the prompter. _"First act!_"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The play opened out of town. The working force was sent ahead with the
+scenery and the baggage. There was a special train for the company.
+Besides the regular staff there were costumers, flash-light
+photographers, relatives of the players and guests of the management.
+The guests included several critics from certain New York journals. One
+of these had an ambitious wife who was a member of the company. The
+other, rumour had it, was on the salary list of the management. This may
+or may not have been true. Subsequent effusive reviews and the manner in
+which these critics took up the cudgels against the enemies of the
+manager did not, however, indicate unbiased opinion. "Subsidized or
+hypnotized"--that was the question. The persuasive art of "fixing" is
+not confined to politics.
+
+When the train arrived in----, there was barely time for a hasty bite
+before rushing off to the theatre. One felt the thrill of excitement at
+the very stage door. Even the back doorkeeper was infected. When Will
+stopped to look through the pigeon-holes for mail, the keeper of the
+sacred portal was exhibiting a brand new litter of kittens. "Everyone of
+'em black; just like their mother. Your show'll be a big success--talk
+about your mascots!" Stage-folk are as superstitious as a nigger mammy.
+A whole chapter might be devoted to their lore. One of the greatest
+hoodoos is to speak the tag of a play before the opening night. The tag
+of a play is the last several words immediately preceding the final fall
+of the curtain. When it comes to the tag, the actor to whose lot the
+final lines fall either stops with a gesture or perhaps he purloins
+Hamlet's last words--"The rest is silence."
+
+Back on the stage there was the sound of hammers, the shouts of the
+stage-hands to the men in the flies, "drops" being adjusted, calls of
+warning to some reckless person about to come in contact with a sandbag
+at that moment lowered from the flies. Abrupt blasts of the orchestra
+reach one's ears. The music cues are being rehearsed, the director
+shouting against the din on the stage. On the "apron," with a bottle of
+milk in his hand and surrounded by a half dozen coatless and perspiring
+men, is the producer. A shaft of light darts from the spot-light machine
+in the gallery, and hovers over the stage like a searchlight at sea.
+Green, yellow, red and blue slides are tried and a weird waving moving
+picture effect brings a shout of laughter from the privileged watchers
+in front. In the dressing-rooms the players are making up. The wardrobe
+mistress hurries from one to another, needle and thread in hand. There
+are impatient calls for the head costumer; "Props" taps at the doors and
+delivers the properties to be carried by the various actors in the play.
+The actors talk across the partitions or run through lines of a "shaky"
+scene. "Fifteen minutes--fifteen minutes!" warns the assistant stage
+manager making the rounds. Below stage, the supers or "extra people" sit
+about in noisy groups awaiting the call. Some of them are as "nervous as
+a cat," to use their own expression. These are not the rank and file of
+supernumeraries. The promise of a long run in New York ofttimes tempts
+women who have "spoken lines" to go on as extra ladies. As a sop they
+are given a leading part to understudy. The excitement is infectious.
+With the lowering of the curtain and the first strains of the orchestra
+one instinctively shifts forward to the edge of one's seat.
+
+It is either the lights or a missing prop or a hiatus between speech and
+action which the first acquaintance with the scenery develops or a
+"jumbled" ensemble or something unexpected which brings the rehearsal to
+an abrupt halt. The dialogue stops like a megaphone suddenly shut off.
+The director hurries down the centre aisle, the prompter's head appears
+at the proscenium arch. "Loved I not honour more!" repeats the actor,
+looking expectantly off stage. "Loved I not honour more!" bellows the
+stage-manager, getting into the game. "That's _your_ cue, Mr. Prime
+Minister. Mr. Jones. Mr. Jones! Where _is_ Mr. Jones?"
+
+"Jones! Jones!" reverberates about the stage and in the flies.
+
+"Here I am! I hear you!" answers a muffled voice up-stage. "I can't get
+through. The entrance's blocked with a sacred elephant!" There is a rush
+of stage hands in the direction indicated. Simultaneously Mr. Jones
+appears L. I. E. "I'm sorry," he says, "but I couldn't butt in through
+the stone walls of the castle, now could I?" indicating the boxed set
+which formed the outer walls of the scene.
+
+The obstruction is removed amidst a heated confab and the stage cleared
+for action. "Go back--go back to Miss Melon's entrance." Miss Melon
+enters. The scene starts flatly enough. It is difficult to pick up a
+scene and get back into the atmosphere at once. One must "warm up to
+it."
+
+A star requires an effective entrance. The audience must be apprised of
+her approach. "Here she comes now!" (accompanied by a look off stage.)
+Or, a flunkey enters and solemnly announces, "His Highness, Prince of
+Ptomania, mounts the steps." These helpful hints prepare the reception
+which the ushers start at the psychological moment. Many persons are
+backward about applauding for fear of making a mistake: just follow the
+usher. The supporting actors understand that they are expected to
+"humour" the applause, either upon an entrance or for a scene. Stars,
+however, do not always encourage applause for their supporting actors.
+Some of them go so far as to "shut it off" by flashing on house light on
+a curtain in which they do not figure, or dimming the foots or directing
+the actors to "jump in" with the next speech.
+
+In the midst of a scene which sends little shivers up and down one's
+spinal column the star hesitates, stammers, repeats, then interpolates
+while she searches frantically among the papers on the table for the
+missing prop. "Where's the knife--the fatal dagger?" she demands,
+dropping the rôle as one would step out of a petticoat. The man about to
+be killed joins in the hunt for the deadly weapon. "I can't kill you
+very well without a knife, can I, Jack? Unless I stab you with a
+hatpin--" There is something so incongruous in the rapid contrasts that
+everyone, including the star herself, gives way to laughter. Meanwhile
+the stage-manager's yells for Props have brought that culprit from the
+flies where he has been touching up a damp cloud with a paint brush.
+
+"The knife!" a chorus hurls at him.
+
+"What knife?" he demands, continuing to mix the silver lining to the
+cloud.
+
+"The dagger! I told you the last thing not to forget it!" fumes the
+bumptious stage-manager.
+
+"Aw, what's the matter with you?" replies Props witheringly. Then he
+ambles down to the star, who by this time is lost in a little side-play
+with her heavy man. "Miss Blank," he begins with punctuation marks
+between each word, "Miss Blank, didn't you tell me to leave that knife
+on your dressing table so you could place it where you wanted it on the
+table centre?"
+
+"I did, I did! I apologize, Johnny--I beg everybody's pardon!" She makes
+a contrite bow toward the front of the house. Johnny shuffles off,
+muttering to himself, and Madame's maid enters with the missing link.
+"Let's begin at your cross," Madame says to the heavy. "Just before you
+say, 'Darling, my life, my love, you're mine at last!' And Jack--I hope
+your wooden chest protector is in place, for I'm going to strike
+to-night just as I am going to do to-morrow night and turn it r-r-round
+and r-r-round, as if I loved your blood--and Mr. Director," she glides
+to the foots and shades her eyes from the glare, "Herr Director, can't
+you play a little more _piano_ just at that point? I want my gurgle of
+delight to get _over_--understand?... O, Mr. Hartley, while I think of
+it----"
+
+She toys with the ornaments on his dress as she speaks. "In our next
+scene give me a little more room; play farther down stage. It's better
+for our scene." Mr. Hartley smiles to himself as he disappears in the
+wings; he is "on-to" the little tricks of stars and leading ladies. To
+make a _vis-à-vis_ play the scene down stage is to rob him of any
+effective participation in the scene. "To hog" is the vulgar but
+expressive infinitive applied to this trick of the trade.
+
+After many false starts, the end of the act is finally reached. The
+players are then posed in certain effective scenes from the play and
+the flash-light pictures are taken. Then comes a change of costume and
+the second act is set. During the long wait members of the company come
+in front to get a glimpse of the scenery or to discuss the play and the
+performance with their friends. I recall an instance which will
+exemplify the jealousy of one star for another, especially those under
+the same management. During the early years of Will's career he had
+played with a summer stock company. The leading woman of the
+organization was now one of the stars under Will's present management.
+She had come on from her country home--(her own season had not yet
+opened)--and was an interested spectator of the dress rehearsal. She and
+Will had kept up a desultory interest during the intervening years and
+were on a friendly footing. "What do you think of the play?" he asked,
+sitting down beside her.
+
+"It's a sensation," she predicted. "How does your part pan out?"
+
+"O, it's a fair part. I've got a couple of big scenes, but the _heavy_
+makes circles all around him. If I had read the play before I signed, I
+believe I should have turned it down."
+
+"What do you care--you're the _hero_, and that is what counts with the
+women. It fits you like a glove; and, speaking of parts, what do you
+think of _that_ for a star-part? Did you ever see anything like it?
+She's the whole show.... When I think of the _also-ran_ I am playing for
+a star part ... let me tell you--just between ourselves--that he'll have
+to hand me out something fatter next season or there'll be something
+doing in another direction. Little Abe's syndicate has been making eyes
+at me and--you never can tell. Glory! I never saw such an acting part in
+my life! Why, she isn't off the stage two minutes during the whole first
+act!"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+It is past midnight when the curtain goes down on the second act. The
+lights have worked badly and for an hour the electricians have been put
+through the paces until the desired effect is reached. Spirits begin to
+flag. The Englishman's wife sets up a tea basket; friends and relatives
+are sent out for sandwiches and "something to wash 'em down." At this
+stage of the siege one becomes a mere machine. There is no attempt at
+acting. It is now a mechanical perfection. When the scenic effects
+refuse to act on cues or "anticipate" the same, or the supers jumble and
+everybody grows cross and "on edge," one shudders to realize that the
+opening night is close at hand. One hopes and prays things will not go
+like this to-morrow night. There is consolation in the old adage: "A
+poor dress rehearsal--a good first night."
+
+We leave the theatre when the milkman is making his rounds. A day of
+fitful sleep with its undercurrent of tension; the opening night with
+nerves tuned to the highest pitch, then success or failure, who can
+tell? The box office is the arbiter.
+
+The opening night is not the only strain attendant upon a new
+production. One is on tenter-hooks for days, perhaps weeks, to learn
+whether the play has "caught on" or not. Favourable, even laudatory,
+reviews will not drag the public into the theatre if they do not like
+the offering. Stars may have a certain drawing power, but "The play's
+the thing." No star ever yet saved a bad play from oblivion or spoiled a
+good play with bad acting.
+
+I am sure that Will and the members of the company watched the "houses"
+from the peep-holes in the curtain as eagerly as the star and the
+management kept an eye on the box-office receipts. "How was the house
+last night?" was the daily question I put to Will with his morning
+coffee. Finally we settled back with the assurance of a season's run
+ahead of us. I set in motion the plans I had outlined for myself. I
+induced Will to study languages with me for a time, but his hours were
+so uncertain that he finally dropped out. Music was a passion with me. I
+went through a whole season of the Opera treat I had promised myself for
+years. Will was fond of music, too, and sometimes we would go together
+to the Sunday night concerts at the Metropolitan. Of course there were
+still the dinner-parties and the supper-parties and matinées for
+benevolent purposes. Will seemed to have tired of the parties and spent
+more and more of his time at the Lambs. He never came home to supper
+after the theatre nowadays. I missed my little talks with him across the
+supper table. There was no longer any need to throw cold water in my
+face to keep myself fresh until his coming. Sometimes when I was wakeful
+I would hear him come in; it was generally daylight. Sometimes, on
+Sunday morning, if he found me awake he would hand me the Morning
+Telegram. No wonder they call it "the chorus girl's breakfast." Among
+other things I did not like about the Lambs was that irritating way the
+telephone boy had of asking "Who's calling, please." Will said they do
+that at all Clubs.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII
+
+
+By this time I had my own little _coterie_ and I prided myself it was a
+cosmopolitan gathering which graced our little apartment on the second
+and third Sundays of the month. There was so much to learn, the
+interests were so diversified that I eagerly welcomed members of other
+professions than our own--if they were worth while. Our sculptor friend
+brought men who had travelled in remote parts of the world; they in turn
+brought others. We numbered several army and navy officers, a German
+scientist, men and women journalists, a cartoonist and an artist, women
+engaged in Settlement work and the quaint old French professor who
+taught me the language. When we could overcome his diffidence he was a
+mine of information. He had witnessed the Commune of Paris and was
+working on a book on that subject.
+
+It is an interesting study to divide the _pastiche_ from the real. The
+time-killers and the curious soon dropped out. It was not difficult to
+limit our _coterie_ to the dimensions of our home. I could not but
+contrast my simple "at homes" with those of the Dingleys. We had
+received several cards for their Sundays and Will said we must go to at
+least one of them. The Dingleys had sprung from humble beginnings. They
+were jocosely referred to as the "ten, twent' and thirt's."
+
+When I was a little girl in short skirts they were members of a
+répertoire company which played our town during County Fair week. The
+répertoire comprised such good old timers as The Two Orphans, the
+Danites, East Lynne, the Silver King, Streets of New York, Camille and
+The Ticket-of-Leave Man. Mrs. Dingley was the leading lady and her
+husband the utility man. She was my ideal of a heroine--in those days.
+Her hair was very golden, and as the weepy heroine she wore a black
+velvet dress with a long train. That black velvet (later experience told
+me it was velveteen) played many parts. It was a princess, and for
+evening wear the guimpe had only to be removed. Or, when the heroine was
+ailing, as becomes a persecuted woman, the princess, with the help of a
+full front panel, was converted into a tea-gown. Again, it was used as a
+riding habit, draped up on one side and topped by husband's silk hat
+wound round with a veil. With a good deal of crêpe drapery from the
+bonnet, the same gown passed muster as widow's weeds. Mentally, I
+resolved that when I became an actress I should have just such a
+prestidigital gown in my wardrobe.
+
+By dint of hard work on Mrs. Dingley's part and unmitigated nerve on the
+part of her husband they had finally arrived on Broadway. They had
+recently acquired a large house in the older part of the city and I
+understood it was Mrs. Dingley's idea to establish a _salon_. Certainly
+she was successful in drawing a crowd. The house was strikingly
+furnished. There was much gold furniture and antique bric-à-brac;
+canopied beds and monogrammed counterpanes. After a personally conducted
+tour of the house and an enlightening dissertation upon the real worth
+of and prices paid for the fittings, one retained a confusing sense of
+having had an exercise in mental arithmetic.
+
+It seemed rather catty of the women to make fun of the Dingleys behind
+their back and at the same time accept their hospitality. Two smart
+looking women whom I recognized as members of Mrs. D's. company appeared
+to get no little amusement out of the coat of arms on Mrs. Dingley's
+bed. "Why didn't they purloin a beer-stein, quiescent on a japanned
+tray?" I heard one say.
+
+"Or a Holstein bull rampant on a field of cotton," the other giggled.
+
+I failed to grasp the significance of their remarks, though I saw the
+humour in their allusion to the empty book-shelves which lined the walls
+of the library. "Why not buy several hundred feet of red-backed books,
+like a certain politician who wanted to fill up the wall space in his
+library?"
+
+"Pshaw! It would be cheaper to use props," scoffed the other.
+
+I myself thought a dictionary and a few grammars a sensible beginning,
+as Mrs. Dingley was a veritable Mrs. Malaprop. Later I committed a _faux
+pas_, though I meant no offense. In my effort to say something nice to
+my hostess I remarked that I had seen her years ago during the early
+days of her struggle and that I had been one of her ardent admirers. The
+way she said, "Yes?" with the frosty inflection made me understand she
+did not care to remember her beginnings.
+
+While we were drinking tea out of priceless cups--the history of which
+was being retailed by our host--there was a commotion and a craning of
+necks toward the stairs. The hostess hurried forward to greet the late
+arrival. There was considerable nudging and innuendo exchanged as a
+small pleasant-faced man with a Van Dyke beard entered the room. Our
+host greeted him jovially, almost boisterously. "Here comes the
+king--here comes the king!" hummed the two actresses, winking
+significantly at me. There was a buzz of voices while Mrs. Dingley
+paraded the lion of the occasion about the room with an air of playful
+proprietorship. The little man had a penchant for pretty girls and
+flattery. He got both. Everybody fawned on him, Mr. Dingley laboured
+heroically to be witty. My curiosity finally drove me to ask my
+neighbours who the little man was.
+
+"Is he a manager, or a producer, or?--?" I whispered.
+
+There was a peal of laughter before I was answered.
+
+"O, he's a producer, all right! Why, don't you know who he is? He's the
+goose that laid the golden egg!" taking in the gold furniture with a
+comprehensive sweep of her hand. She lowered her voice and leaned toward
+me. "He's Mr. ----!" I recognized the name of the multi-millionaire. "Is
+he?" I queried, trying to get another look at him.
+
+The women relapsed into their confidences. "How do you suppose she
+explains it to ----?" calling Mr. Dingley by his first name. The other
+woman shrugged her shoulders. "She doesn't have to explain; money
+talks."
+
+On the way home I asked Will what they meant.
+
+He smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "They do say that the little man
+is an 'angel.'"
+
+"Well, suppose he is?" I began indignantly. "There is such a thing as
+clean-minded men of the world: patrons of art without ulterior motives.
+All art needs fostering, and who better able to help the climbers
+than ----?"
+
+Will laid his hand on mine, a little way he had when he wanted to
+reassure me.
+
+"I haven't a doubt in the world that there are clean-minded men of means
+without 'ulterior motives,' as you express it. I also believe that hen's
+teeth are rare."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+There were other near-salons to which we were invited. Some of them were
+highly temperamental gatherings. Every large city has its artistic set,
+but New York may safely claim the medal for the half-baked neurotics who
+wallow in illicit cults which they sanctify in the name of art. One of
+the most typical and, by the same token, the most amusing of these
+esoteric feasts was presided over by a lady-like creature who had spent
+some time in the Far East. We were met at the outer portal by a jet
+black, down-South negro done up in full Eastern regalia. An air of
+mysticism permeated even the box couches against the wall. They had a
+peculiar "feel" to them and one sank into their enfolding depths as one
+is taught to sink into the arms of Nirvana. It must have been awful for
+short, fat persons to scramble to their feet, after once being beguiled
+into sitting on these couches. The mysticism was enhanced by burning
+incense, shaded lights, draperies, and the host himself, who received us
+in Eastern garb, resplendent with the famous jewels, a gift from some
+potentate or other. We were conducted to a dais where the guest of
+honour--an oily, complacent Swami--received us. If we were pretty, the
+Swami held our hands longer than the amenities of good society demand.
+Some of the guests were highly sensitized beings. Some were lean like
+Cassius; perhaps they "thought too much." There was a preponderance of
+Greek and other classic dresses, over un-classic figures. (Why _will_
+doctors condemn the corset?) Hair-dressing was simplicity itself; in
+fact, the simplicity suggested a lick and a promise. Sometimes there
+were beads woven in the scrambled mess.
+
+The sockless damsel was in evidence and nobility was represented by a
+certain antique Baroness with a penchant for baby blonde hair. Affinity
+hunters abounded. By the dreamy longing of their watery eyes shall ye
+know them. Some there were who had made several excursions into the
+realms of free and easy love, but _all_, all had returned empty-handed,
+unsatisfied. O cruel Fate! And so they go, hunting, hunting....
+
+After a call to silence, the Swami with the ingratiating smile and good
+front teeth made an address. It was a mystical, tortuous, rambling
+discourse which sounded to me a good deal like an advocation of free
+love. He told what ailed us; he said we didn't love enough. He assured
+us it was O, so easy to get our slice of the wonderful, all-pervading
+ether with which we were saturated. We simply didn't know how to use it.
+He had come to teach us: his the mission to prescribe for us.
+Electricity had been harnessed, why not love? I shuddered when I thought
+of the possibilities of a love-trust. Of course it would be cornered by
+some of the millionaires.
+
+After the address everybody clustered around the dispenser of Oriental
+pearls. The Swami slipped little printed matters into the palms of the
+neophytes. They told how farther enlightenment could be attained, on
+given days at given hours and given prices.
+
+Later our brute element was fortified by wafers and a mysterious punch.
+I felt sorry for the late-comers who missed the intellectual feed and
+arrived just in time for the refreshments. Wafers are not very
+sustaining. The punch was a mysterious and subtle concoction with a
+tendency to promulgate the tenets of the Swami's new religion. Before we
+took our leave I thought the eyes of the new disciples had grown more
+languishing and were considerably lit up. It may have been, of course,
+that the Swami had taken the lid off a few vats of his cerulean ether
+which was too highly rarefied for those present. As we closed the door
+and stepped out into the winter night, we instinctively inhaled the cold
+air, which, though it may not be full of love, is full of common-sense
+ozone.
+
+"When Boston people want to be naughty they go to New York." Our hostess
+nodded sententiously across the table as she made the statement.
+
+"Why confine it to Boston? Why not Philadelphia, Washington or ----?"
+
+"Because I don't know anything about those cities, and I do know my home
+city," interrupted his wife.
+
+"I guess you're right," Mr. Mollett answered. "It's the same spirit
+which keeps alive Le Rat Mort, or Maxim's, or any of those resorts in
+Paris. You rarely meet a Parisian at these show-places. If it were not
+for the foreigners--principally Americans and English--they'd have to
+shut up shop."
+
+"That's precisely my contention. One does things in Paris or New York
+one would never think of in Boston."
+
+Will had met Mr. Mollett at a Lambs' Gambol one Sunday night during the
+recent season in New York. They had taken a shine to each other, to use
+Mr. Mollett's expression, and had exchanged cards. "I liked your husband
+from the start," Mr. Mollett once said to me. "He's not a bit like an
+actor; he's natural and not a bit of a _poseur_." It appears that when
+anyone wants to pay an actor a particularly high compliment he tells him
+he is not a bit like an actor! This is not flattering to the rank and
+file of players, who labour under the misapprehension that to be
+effective they must act on and off the stage.
+
+On the opening night of the following season in Boston Will was pleased
+to find a card from Mr. Mollett and a note from his wife, asking whether
+I was in town; if so, would I waive the formality of a call and join
+them at "beans" on Saturday night after the performance.
+
+Mrs. Mollett's Saturday suppers were as much of an institution as the
+beans themselves. Our hostess was a bright, intelligent little woman
+without the pretense of the intellectual. Externally, she had all the
+ear-marks of a Boston woman. She wore the practical but disfiguring
+goloshes of a Boston winter and she carried a reticule. Her dress might
+have been made in Paris, but it had a true New England hang to it. It
+wasn't a component part of her; it was _a thing apart_. Her skin was
+rough and fretted with pin-wrinkles. I never saw a jar of cold cream on
+her dressing-table.
+
+The Molletts enjoyed a comfortable income which they appeared to use
+judiciously. Their home was comfortable and in good taste. Their library
+was a treat; not merely fine bindings and rare editions. The volumes
+showed an intimate acquaintance with the owner. By the process of
+elimination they had formed a selected chain of the better class of
+actors, who found a warm welcome awaiting them whenever they played
+Boston. The Molletts' leaning toward the artistic had no taint of the
+free-and-easy predilection. The element of illusion furnished by their
+player friends was precisely the variety needed to counteract the
+monotony of their daily routine. Both sides benefited by the exchange.
+
+Boston was the first stand on tour. The second season had opened with a
+six weeks' engagement in New York and one, two or more weeks were booked
+in the larger cities. The original company was advertised and--rare
+integrity--maintained. Will decided that it was cheaper to carry the boy
+and me on the road than to keep up two establishments. Luckily we sublet
+our apartment. I was for sending Experience back to her home, though I
+had become sincerely attached to her and so had Boy. Will declared we
+could not manage without a nurse. I assured him we could. "You don't
+suppose you can carry that Buster around in your arms, do you? And
+wouldn't I look nice climbing on and off trains, and coming into hotels
+with a baby in my arms? Pretty picture for a matinée idol! No, ma'am,
+Experience remains. Besides," he smiled at me, "a nurse and a valet help
+to make a good front. It'll keep the management guessing."
+
+Unfortunately the management were not the only ones kept guessing. Good
+hotels were expensive and Will's position did not permit him to stop at
+any other kind. It worried me a great deal to see Will's envelope come
+in on Tuesday and scarcely anything left on Wednesday when we had paid
+the bills. I suspected, too, that Will had some debts hanging over from
+last season. I knew he had drawn on the management during the summer. We
+foolishly took a cottage at Allenhurst on the sea, where we spent our
+holidays. The week-end parties proved expensive. It was easily
+accessible to New York and I never knew how popular Will was with the
+profession until that summer. I regretted we had not gone back to the
+farm in the Catskills.
+
+I saw a great deal more of Will on the road than I had in New York.
+There was no Lambs' Club and, though Will had guest-cards to clubs in
+various cities, there was not the lure of intimate association. We took
+long walks together, browsed in the book-shops, visited public buildings
+such as the library in Boston, and sometimes lunched or "tead" with
+friends. Will did not care to accept invitations to dinner; he said it
+made him "logey" to dine late and interfered with his evening
+performances. Altogether we came nearer to the old intimacy and
+comradeship than we had known for several years. At Christmas time we
+planned the boy's first tree. We believed he was now old enough to
+appreciate it. Santa Claus now became a name to conjure with; it acted
+as a bribe to good behaviour or a threat of punishment.
+
+Will and I went shopping together. The big toy-shops proved the most
+fascinating things in the world. We spent hours looking at the wonders
+of toy-land which the present-day child enjoys. Will said it made him
+feel like a boy and surely it brought out all the youth in his nature.
+His eyes would snap and sparkle with delight over a miniature railway
+with practicable engine and carriages, electric head-lights, block
+signals and the like. "Gee! What wouldn't I have given for an outfit
+like that when I was a kid!" he would exclaim. As for me, I couldn't
+make up my mind which I enjoyed the most; the pretty children who
+crowded the shop or the toys they came to see.
+
+We made several visits to Santa Claus land without being able to decide
+what would best please Boy. Experience advised us to have him make his
+own choice. When Experience took him for a tour of the shops he decided
+upon everything in the place. Suddenly the whole world faded into
+insignificance: "Senyder!" he stuttered, pointing imperiously to a dog
+whose breed seemed as indeterminate as the prototype. All dogs were
+Snyders to Boy, but perhaps the perpetual motion of the tail which
+wagged automatically reminded him most strongly of the original. It did
+no good to tell him that Santa Claus would bring Snyder down the
+chimney. Boy had his own ideas about fairies and their ilk. He refused
+to leave the shop without the dog. Needless to say the dog went home
+with us. Will never could endure Boy's shrieks. But, in extenuation,
+let it be said that not one of the toys Boy found grouped about his tree
+on Christmas morning--and their name was legion--gave him the joy he
+found in the mongrel pup. Miss Burton sent a box from far-off San
+Francisco, where she was playing. The Chinese dolls interested him for a
+moment, but his heart was true to Snyder. He slept with him, shared his
+food with him, sobbed out his childish grief with Snyder in his arms,
+and refused to part with his faithful friend even when old age robbed
+him of his woolly coat and shiny eyes.
+
+The star gave a party on Christmas Eve. When the curtain went down on
+the last act, the applause was choked off by the flashing on of the
+house lights. The stage-manager gave the order to strike, and in a short
+time the stage was clear. The carpenters then put together the
+improvised banquet board--great long planks of lumber resting upon
+saw-horses. From the iron landing of the first tier of spiral stairs
+upon which Will's dressing-room gave I watched the caterer's men lay the
+table. I had spent the latter part of the evening in the cubby hole--a
+rare occurrence, since I seldom went behind the scenes except with
+friends of Will's who had attended the performance and who wanted to
+see what the back of the stage looked like.
+
+Shortly before twelve o'clock the members of the company and a few
+outside guests assembled on the stage--where they were received by the
+star-hostess. In the midst of the chatter the lights went out. At first
+everyone thought it an accident until a bell in the distance chimed the
+witching hour. As the last stroke died away a faint jingle of sleigh
+bells wafted across the air. Nearer and louder they came, interspersed
+with the snap of a whip. A great shaft of light from above shot
+obliquely across the stage. From out of the clouds, as it seemed, a
+full-fledged Santa Claus descended like a flying machine. With the aid
+of a little "sneaky" music furnished by the orchestra and the faithful
+spot-light which dogged his very footsteps, Santy placed the huge tree
+in the centre of the table and unloaded his pack. With many a grotesque
+antic he surveyed his labour of love and finally, having sampled the
+contents of a decanter which graced the table, he rubbed his much padded
+pouch in satisfaction, laughed merrily, shouted a "merry Christmas to
+you all," and disappeared into the clouds. The effect was so bewitching
+and so eerie that old Kris received a spontaneous "hand" on his exit.
+
+I thought of Boy and how much he would have enjoyed the scene. Myriad
+little lights twinkled like stars upon the wonderful trees. A warm, red
+glow poured from imaginary fireplaces off stage. To the accompaniment of
+ohs! and ahs! and a merry potpourri from the orchestra we took our seats
+at table. I am sure any audience would gladly have paid a premium for
+tickets to this special performance.
+
+The supper proved to be an eight-course dinner. There was everything
+from nut-brown turkey to hot mince pie. The drinkables were varied and
+plentiful. I noticed that after the third or fourth course everybody was
+telling everybody else what a good actor he or she was. It developed
+into a veritable mutual admiration society. Will kicked me under the
+table several times when the character man told him what a good actor he
+was; it was common property that the character man "knocked" Will behind
+his back. The tall, good-looking girl I had noticed at rehearsals passed
+around a new diamond pendant she had just received from her friend in
+New York.
+
+"He's just crazy about you, ain't he?" chaffed one of the actors. The
+good-looking girl laughed and winked.
+
+"He sure is," she answered, "and I never even gave him as much as
+_that_," measuring off an infinitesimal speck of her thumb nail.
+
+A shout of laughter greeted her remark. A little later when she got
+warmed up she made eyes at Will across the table and threw him violets
+from her huge corsage bouquet. "Ev'ry matinée day I send thee violets,"
+she paraphrased in song, the significance of which was lost on me until
+some days later.
+
+Toward the end of the dinner the packages were opened. Each memento was
+accompanied by a limerick hitting off the idiosyncrasies of the
+recipient, who was asked to read it aloud. Whoever composed the
+limericks was well paid for sitting up o' nights, for they caused a deal
+of merriment even if they were not entirely free from sting. After
+dinner there was vaudeville. The star gave some imitations of a _café
+chantant_ which brought down the house. The musical director had
+composed a skit which he called "Very Grand Opera." The theme hinged on
+a leave-taking of one or more characters from the other. The book
+consisted of one word; _farewell_. I had never realized how long-winded
+the farewells of opera are until I heard the parody. The humour of it
+quite spoiled the tender duos, trios and choruses of the genuine
+article.
+
+Dear old Mr. and Mrs. ---- contributed a cake-walk. No one suspected the
+grumpy old gentleman to have so much ginger in him. A good old Virginia
+reel and "Tucker" limbered everybody into action.
+
+Before we dispersed, old Santa Claus--impersonated by one of the walking
+gentlemen--again donned his beard and buckskin and accompanied by a
+noisy crew carried the great tree to the boarding-house where the
+child-actress of the company was staying. At the street end of the alley
+which led from the stage-entrance a big burly policeman stopped them;
+they _were_ noisy to be sure. But even the officer laughed when Santy
+touched him on the arm and in a "tough" dialect asked him, "Say Bill, do
+youse believe in fairies?"
+
+If Will had any experiences in Boston only one came under my notice;
+rather, it was forced upon me. It was during the second week of the
+engagement that Will began to bring me violets. Now, he had not shown me
+this attention for several years. I was too much flattered at the time
+to notice that the flowers always came on matinée days, after the
+performance. Will generally took a walk after a matinée. He said it
+refreshed him for the evening performance. He would come in, glowing
+from the exercise, simply radiating health and energy. I knew what time
+to expect him and I would sit listening for the elevator to stop on our
+floor. I knew Will's step the minute he came down the hall. When he
+opened the door I instinctively sniffed the fresh air he brought in with
+him. I liked to feel his cold cheek against mine ... and to hear him
+puff and growl to amuse Boy as he pulled off his heavy coat. He was
+irresistible. The violets came in a purple box with the imprint of the
+florist in gold letters. The first time he brought them he set the box
+on the table without handing them to me. One of my weaknesses is
+flowers.
+
+"What's this?" I asked, pouncing upon the box.
+
+"Open it and see," he answered with one of his quizzical sidelong
+glances.
+
+"For me?" I asked a little dubiously. I lost no time in opening the box.
+If the shadow of a thought that an admirer of Will's had sent him the
+flowers flitted across my mind it was lost in Will's smile as he
+answered,
+
+"For my best girl."
+
+I buried my face in their cool depths. "Violets! O, the beauties! I like
+the single variety best, don't you, Will? They're so fresh and woodsy."
+Then my conscience smote me. Violets are expensive this time of year.
+"Will--weren't they _horribly_ expensive?" Just the same I was pleased
+to death--as I had heard matinée girls say--and I made up my mind to
+forego something I needed to offset Will's flattering extravagance. I
+nursed and tended those violets until the next matinée day came round.
+When they faded I pressed them between blotting paper, intending when I
+got back home to put them away with other flowers Will had given me....
+
+It was on Tuesday, the day after Christmas. I had gone out with Mrs.
+Mollett to tea at a woman's club. The violets Will had brought me after
+the Christmas matinée were reinforced by some lilies of the valley. The
+huge bouquet looked particularly smart against my fur coat. Mrs.
+Mollett and I were late in getting back. I felt sure I should miss Will,
+who was going out to dinner with some friends at a club. As I passed
+through the hall to the lift a bell-boy overtook me. He told me there
+was someone in the parlour waiting to see me. I asked for a card but
+none had been sent. Wondering who could be calling on me--I had so few
+acquaintances in Boston--and anticipating a pleasant surprise I followed
+the boy to the parlour on the second floor. It was a large room and I
+stopped in the portièred doorway half expectantly. The only occupant of
+the room was a tall person--whether woman or girl I could not discern.
+She stood with her back to the door, looking out the window. As she
+glanced over her shoulder with no sign of recognition I turned to go.
+The bell-boy, however, had waited behind me. "That's the lady who asked
+for you over there." He approached the girl, who turned timidly.
+
+"You wanted to see Mrs. Hartley, didn't you? This is she."
+
+It was probably the surprise of hearing correct English from the lips of
+a bell-boy which diverted my attention for a second. When I looked at
+the visitor I saw that she had flushed and was overcome with confusion.
+
+"There is--there appears to be some mistake," she stammered, addressing
+herself to the retreating boy and averting my gaze. "I asked to see Mr.
+Hartley--Mr. William Hartley," she called after the boy, though her
+voice was scarcely audible. She looked toward the door in a bewildered
+manner as if her only desire was to get away. There was something so
+distressing, so pathetic about her embarrassment; not a modicum of
+_savoir faire_ or bluff to help her out. I found myself saying in a
+kindly tone that only added oil to the flames: "I am Mrs. Hartley; Mrs.
+William Hartley. Is there anything I can do?"
+
+For a full minute we stood and looked at each other. Under the full
+light, which the boy had switched on as he went out, her face and figure
+were sharply limned. A tall woman has always the best of it in any
+controversy, though I am sure my _vis-à-vis_ did not realize her
+advantage. If her mind was as confused as her face indicated she was to
+be pitied. She was not merely a plain woman; she was the epitome of
+plainness. Nature had not given her a single redeeming feature; there
+was not even a hint of sauciness to the upturned nose; not a
+speculative quirk to the corner of the mouth or a fetching droop to the
+eyelids which sometimes illuminates the plainest of faces. Perhaps she
+realized the niggardliness of her gifts. There was an evident attempt at
+primping. Her hat sat uneasily upon a head unaccustomed to the
+hair-dresser's art. The shoes, too, I felt, were painful: they were so
+new and the heels so high, and unstable--a radical departure from the
+common-sense last which was as much a component part of her as the feet
+themselves. I visualized her home, her life and her commonplace
+associates ... the eternal illusion of the stage ... Will's magnetism,
+combined with the perfections and never-failing nobility of the stage
+hero.... I saw it all as clearly as I saw the strained,
+vari-expressioned face before me. All this in a brief fleeting moment. I
+smiled encouragingly. Her eyes met mine, then wavered and drooped, and
+drooping rested upon the violets--and we both understood....
+
+"Won't you sit down?" I said, leading the way to a divan with the idea
+of easing the situation. "Do have a pillow!--there, is that more
+comfortable? These sofas seem never to fit in to one's back.... I'm
+sorry Mr. Hartley is not in. Usually he _is_ in at this hour, but
+to-night he is dining out. I know he will be sorry to have missed you,
+for I am sure he wants to thank you in person for the lovely flowers.
+Yes, he told me all about it and we both appreciated your sweetness in
+sending them. I hope Mr. Hartley wrote and properly thanked you,"--I
+rattled on, hoping to give her time to recover herself. "He is, as a
+rule, quite punctilious in these matters, but with the holidays and the
+extra matinées--" I finished with an expressive shrug. There was a
+disheartening silence.
+
+"I think I must be going," she faltered at last, waiting for me to rise.
+"I'm afraid I've kept you too long.... You've been very kind.... I hope
+you haven't been shocked by ... by ... the unconventional way I...." Her
+speech came in jerks.
+
+"Not at all," I answered, jumping in and anticipating my cue. "Not at
+all!" I reiterated, injecting more warmth in the confirmation than I
+intended. I walked with her to the elevator. "I'm sorry it is so late or
+I would ask you to stop for a cup of tea. But you will come again, won't
+you?--perhaps you'll telephone me one morning--not _too_ early----" I
+laughed a little as I pressed the button--"we're not early risers, and
+we'll arrange a time when Mr. Hartley can be with us. I want you to meet
+the boy--O, yes, we've got a baby, too! Of course, _we_ think him the
+most wonderful baby in the world. Aren't parents a conceited lot?" ... I
+pressed her limp hand and smiled good-byes as the lift bore her out of
+sight.
+
+Then the smile went out of me. I felt angry with myself: I felt I had
+overdone it. What was the woman to me that I should exert myself to put
+her at ease with herself? She was but one of the silly creatures who
+"chase" the actor and pander to his vanity. I regretted the impulse
+which prompted me to ask her to tea. Truly, I had made a fool of
+myself.... At least, I had prevented her from making a farther fool of
+herself--and of me....
+
+I went to my room but did not turn on the light for fear of attracting
+Experience, whose room was across the court. She was probably waiting
+for me. I wanted to be alone. I removed the violets from my coat. My
+first impulse was to throw them out the window; then I thought better of
+it--and of her. They represented a woman's illusions--no, two women's
+illusions.... Will had deliberately fooled me; even Miss Merdell, the
+tall good-looker, knew he was fooling me. That was what she meant when
+she chaffed him about the violets at the Christmas party. Perhaps it was
+not of great consequence, but, does a woman ever forgive a man for
+wounding her self-respect?...
+
+I did not look at Will when I told him of the visitor. He extricated
+himself gracefully. He said he thought my perspicacity would have made
+me tumble to the truth and when I didn't he concluded it was a shame to
+put me wise. And, after all, what did it matter? He had brought the
+flowers home to me when it was an easy matter to have turned them over
+to the extra girls....
+
+Miss Gorr--that was her name--came to tea; in fact, she came several
+times. Will declared she was in a fair way of becoming a bore.
+
+"For Heaven's sake, don't turn her loose on me," he expostulated. "I'm
+willing to give her photographs and advice but I don't want to be seen
+about with a freak like that!"
+
+I caught myself wondering--and I was ashamed of the thought--whether
+Will would have been bored were Miss Gorr not so hopelessly plain. Alice
+was _smart_ and there had been others and would probably be more to
+come. I reached the point where I could shrug my shoulders
+indifferently. It was all a part of the game and I was learning to play
+it....
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX
+
+
+Following Boston, the company played Philadelphia, Baltimore and
+Pittsburgh. Each city has its distinguishing characteristics, but
+certain types are to be found all over the country. There is always the
+"fly" married woman hanging about hotel lobbies, lying in wait for the
+actor or any dapper visitor who, like herself, is seeking diversion. She
+drops in for a cock-tail or a high-ball and looks things over. She has a
+sign manual of her own. The headwaiters know her and wink significantly
+when she comes in with her friends. These women are not prostitutes in
+the general acceptance of the word. They are products of our leisure
+class. Their husbands are business or professional men in good standing.
+With comfortable, even luxurious homes, or a stagnant life in a modern
+hotel, time hangs heavily upon their hands. They have no intellectual
+pursuits other than bridge and the "best seller." They pander to their
+worst desires and wallow in their alcoholic-fed passions. These are the
+_stall-feds_; the drones; the wasters; the menace to the womanhood of
+America. These are they who are grist to the divorce mills; who clog the
+yellow press with prurient tales of passion; who stigmatize innocent
+children and handicap them even before birth; who breed and interbreed
+with such unconcern that it is indeed a wise child that knows its own
+father. And in the end, when the Nemesis of faded charms overtakes them,
+the army of harlots is swelled.
+
+The "neglected wife" has become a hoary old joke. It is worked to death.
+My husband is responsible for the statement that in nine cases out of
+ten women use this excuse to condone their own infidelity. "My husband
+doesn't understand me; he knows nothing but business, business,
+business. He doesn't realize there is another side to my nature which is
+utterly starved." Or, "My husband is interested elsewhere. What am I to
+do? For the sake of the children I don't want a divorce, and I am too
+proud to let him see how I feel it. I am only human."
+
+That there are neglected wives a-plenty is a truism. But it is a
+spurious brand of pride which sends a woman roaming, seeking the
+consolation of the Toms, Dicks and Harrys of the world. As for the
+children, there are greater evils than divorce. The influence of a house
+divided against itself, the surcharged atmosphere of deceit and
+degrading quarrels cannot fail to impregnate a child's mind, and
+probably at a time when character is being formed.
+
+It is a lucky thing for the honour of the family that the actor is not
+less scrupulous. "They who kiss and run away may live to kiss another
+day" is probably indicative of the worst of his peccadillos. He takes
+the goods the gods provide and credits so much popularity unto his
+irresistible self. If occasionally he is "caught with the goods" it
+makes good copy for the yellows. Incidentally it advertises the actor.
+The woman pays the piper. "What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the
+gander" is likely to remain a nebulous supposition.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+There is only one Chicago. Other cities--Pittsburgh and Cincinnati
+notably--may be commonplace or vulgar, but Chicago is the epitome of
+commonplace vulgarity. It struck me forcibly as I looked over the
+first-night audience. The men are commonplace; the women vulgar. The
+women impress one as ex-waitresses from cheap eating houses or
+sales-"ladies" who have married well. Few of the male population appear
+to own a dress-suit. The women wear ready-made suits with picture hats
+and a plentiful sprinkling of gaudy jewelry. Some of them "make-up"
+atrociously. Their manners are as breezy as the wind from the lake and
+they "make you one of them" the first time you meet. If there is a
+cultured set in Chicago the actor never meets them; it probably resides
+in Chicago through force of circumstances, not through choice. The
+middle class is super-commonplace. The smart set isn't smart; only fast
+and loose. Chicago is a good "show-town." It might be better if managers
+kept their word to send out the original companies. The Western
+metropolis resents a slight to its dignity.
+
+Will's management, therefore, played a trump card when it sent the New
+York production and players. The house was sold out for weeks in
+advance. It was evidenced on the opening night that Will had left a good
+impression in Chicago from former visits. He received a hand on his
+entrance. When a supporting actor is thus remembered it proves his
+popularity.
+
+After the performance we went to the College Inn with some friends of
+Will's. Everybody who is _anybody_ goes to that ill-ventilated hole
+below stairs; one gets a sort of _revue_ of the town's follies. Chicago
+is hopelessly provincial. There is a profound intimacy with other
+people's affairs. Such purveyors of privacy as the Clubfellow and Town
+Topics must find it no easy matter to get copy which is not already
+common property, with the edge taken off. Our host and hostess of the
+evening kept up a running fire of gossip concerning the people about us.
+
+At a table near-by sat a gross looking woman with a combative eye. Her
+escort was a pliable, colourless youth, who, I assumed, was her son.
+This person was on bowing terms with many of the _habitués_ of the Inn.
+A number of actors lingered at her table and laughed effectively at her
+sallies. When Will told me she was a certain female critic on a Chicago
+newspaper I understood the homage paid her. I did not understand,
+however, her reason for marrying the youth I assumed was her son. Our
+hostess said something about the "grateful age" which I didn't
+understand. The lady critic wrote with a venomous pen when mood or
+grudge impelled her. Many an actor writhed under her lashes. It was
+rumoured, however, that her bark was a great deal worse than her bite
+and that if one approached her "in the right way" "she would eat out of
+your hand."
+
+Ever since a person revelling under a euphonious _nom de plume_, which
+recalls to mind the romantic days of Robin Hood, perverted the function
+of dramatic criticism, imitators have sprung up all over the country.
+"Imitation is the truest flattery." To be caustically funny at the
+expense of truth, to deal in impudent personalia, to lose one's dignity
+in belittling that of others is the construction of the gentle art of
+criticism which American reviewers reserve unto themselves.
+
+Will's friends were a convivial lot. Before the evening was over our
+party had been considerably augmented. Each newcomer added another round
+of drinks. "Have one with me" is a strictly American characteristic.
+When we broke up I had a handful of cards and a confused list of tea,
+dinner and supper engagements. Fortunately I was not the only one to
+get mixed. Several of the whilom hostesses simplified matters by
+forgetting the invitations they had extended.
+
+While we were waiting for the automobile one of the women chaffed Will
+in the following manner: "Why, you sly, handsome pup! You never told me
+you were married when you were here before."
+
+"I supposed you knew," was Will's response.
+
+"O, you did! Um! I never say anything about being married, either, when
+I go away for a lark.... Never mind, I'll forgive you if you'll call me
+up. Where are you stopping? How long is your wife going to be in town?"
+The rest was drowned in the approach of the car.
+
+We did not go to Mamma Heward's this time. Heretofore when Will played
+Chicago we had lived at a theatrical boarding-house kept by a dear
+little old Scotch lady. Her's was one of the few good ones throughout
+the country. Unfortunately one had to take a long trolley ride to reach
+her house and Will's performances ended late. Then, too, he had heard
+that the table had gone off and that the service was inadequate. I
+imagine, however, that Will felt he had outgrown the boarding-house
+days. He decided upon a family hotel on the north side.
+
+During the week I called on Mamma Heward and took Boy with me. It was
+the first time she had seen him and she raved over him sufficiently to
+satisfy even a young mother's vanity. She enquired after Will and had
+kept in touch with his progress. She had always been fond of him and had
+dubbed him Bobby Burns, whom he somewhat resembled. I saw she felt hurt
+by our apparent desertion and tried to assure her that we should be much
+happier and more comfortable with her; that if it were not for the
+distance from the theatre----
+
+The dear little old lady patted my hand as if to spare me further
+dissemblance.
+
+"That's the excuse they all give, but it's no farther than ever it was
+and the theatres are as near as ever they were," she said sadly, the
+Scotch burr falling musically upon the ear. "It isn't that.... They're
+forgetting me now they're getting up in the world. It didn't use to be
+too far when they couldn't pay more than eight or ten dollars a week for
+their board ... and the little suppers Mamma had waiting for them after
+the theatre...."
+
+She sighed but there was no trace of bitterness. "It's what you must
+expect when you get old and worn out.... It's the way of the world and
+God was always harder on women than he is on men."
+
+There was no answer I could make; I could not have spoken had there been
+anything to say. I felt choked and on the verge of tears. It was all so
+pitiful. There was an air of desolation about the place. The warmth
+which prosperity radiates was no longer evident. Where formerly there
+had been leading players, even a star or two, now there were only the
+lower ranks, and but few of them. Nothing remained of the good old days
+save the rows and rows of photographs which lined the walls, all of them
+autographed and inscribed "With love, to Mamma Heward." Arm in arm we
+reviewed this galaxy of players.
+
+"There is ----," she said, stopping in front of a well-known actor. "And
+that's his first wife. She was a dear, good girl. I'm afraid Herbert
+didn't treat her as well as he should. Many's the time she has cried out
+her heart in Mamma's arms.... She's married again--no, not an
+actor--and she's got two boys, the littlest one the size of yours....
+Now could you ever guess who that is? Yes, that's ---- when he was leading
+man with Modjeska. The women were crazy about him.... And he was a
+dear--such a kind-hearted man. I remember once how he kept the furnace
+going when our man got drunk and disappeared for three days. If only I
+had a picture of him shovelling in coal--his sleeves rolled up and
+spouting Macbeth at the top of his lungs.... Dear old Morry! He was his
+own worst enemy...."
+
+She sighed heavily over the actor's bad end. "And there! Do you
+recognize that? And isn't the boy the livin' image of his father?"
+
+I looked more closely at the photograph. Boy's resemblance to his father
+was even more clearly marked in some of Will's earlier pictures.
+
+"Do you remember the first time you came to me? You hadn't been married
+long. You had a dog, a bull terrier pup. Let me think, now, what was his
+name? Yes, Billy, that's it! And do you mind how ye locked him up in
+your bathroom when you went to the theatre and how he ate the matting
+off the floor while ye was gone?"
+
+We both laughed at the recollection, though I had not laughed at the
+time. I was in fear lest Billy be relegated to the cellar where he would
+cry out his puppy heart. But Mamma Heward was never in a bad humour. She
+was all kindness and consideration ... and now she was getting old and
+could no longer please an exacting clientèle. The cost of living had
+gone up; rents were higher; but the little old lady could get no more
+for her rooms. To make both ends meet she dispensed first with one
+servant, then with another, until she and one frail daughter shared the
+entire work of the house. It was no easy matter to cook and serve a
+dozen breakfasts in the rooms at any and all hours; to cater and prepare
+meals and then to wait up until midnight that the players might have a
+hot supper after the performance. How many of those whom she had tided
+over the hard times, how many who had "stood her up" for a board bill,
+or whom she had nursed in times of illness, remembered her now in her
+time of need?
+
+"I'm not finding fault," she said softly, breaking a long silence while
+we looked beyond the pictures. "I don't blame them for not coming here
+to live ... only--I wish they'd drop in to see me sometimes when they
+come to town, just for auld lang syne...."
+
+When I told Will of my visit he looked very serious. I am sure he felt
+sorry we had not gone back to her. The next day we went together to see
+her. Will took her a bottle of port wine. Later he sent her two seats
+for the performance and I promised her that the next time we came to
+Chicago we should stay with her, even if Will were a star....
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X
+
+
+Will's friends certainly provided one continual round of pleasure, if
+dissipation may be classed under that head. I was brought to wonder how
+they found time for "the petty round of irritating concerns and duties"
+of life. They appeared always to be dining or lunching out. One met them
+in the various restaurants at all hours, drinking round upon round of
+cocktails, and polishing them off with cognac. The Pompeian room at the
+Annex between five and six in the afternoon is Chicago typified. The
+artistic gentleman who conceived the decorative scheme of the Pompeian
+room had a sly sense of the eternal fitness of things. He also knew his
+Chicago. The great bacchic amphoræ--copies of those classic receptacles
+utilized as relief stations by old Romans who had wined too well--are
+concrete reminders of his sense of humour. I have seen more women in
+Chicago under the influence of liquor than in any other city in the
+world. This probably accounts for their low standard of morality as
+well as for the emotional debauches in which they indulge.
+
+There was one couple typical of the class of high-flyers in which
+Chicago abounds. The husband was a throat specialist with a splendid
+practice. He was popular among stage-folk. Will had met the doctor and
+his wife during a former engagement. The wife expressed herself as
+"strong for" Will. Scarcely a day passed without a telephone message or
+a call from Mrs. Pease. She would drop in at the most inopportune times.
+"Don't mind me," she would say, settling herself comfortably. "I've seen
+gentlemen in dressing-gowns before. That red is very becoming to your
+peculiar style of beauty, sir. Nothing if not artistic."
+
+Mrs. Pease was a tall woman, built on the slab style. She affected
+mannish tailormades and heavy boots. When she sat down she invariably
+crossed her legs. The extremities she exhibited were not prepossessing.
+She was also expert in innuendo and _double entente_. She flirted
+outrageously with Will and made me feel like the person in the song,
+"Always in the way." In fact I came to the conclusion that wherever we
+went I was accepted as a necessary evil--among the women. There was
+always a "pairing off" after dinner or supper; surreptitious
+_rendezvous_ in the obscure cosey corners; _sotto voce_ conversations,
+not intended for my ears. I found myself getting the habit of talking
+stupid nonsense with persons in whom I was not interested, simply to
+cover the follies of the others.
+
+The men flattered me. Flattery is a habit with men; they think most
+women expect it--and they do. After a little practice a woman can tell
+to a certainty just what a man is going to say under certain conditions.
+How can any one be flattered by the saccharine platitudes which are
+ground out automatically like chewing-gum from a slot-machine? So few
+women have a sense of humour. They have less self-respect.
+
+Chicago lake-wind claimed me for a victim. I came down with a bad
+throat. Will insisted upon my consulting his physician friend. He was a
+handsome chap--this popular Doctor Pease--as blonde as Will was dark,
+but already marked with the ravages of dissipation. He had a genial
+raillery which made it almost impossible to take him seriously. I did
+not know whether it was a part of the treatment to unbare my throat and
+shoulders and sound my lungs and to let his hand linger on the uncovered
+flesh, but I didn't like it. Neither did I believe my age, my weight and
+my bust measure had any connection with my throat trouble. Of course I
+didn't tell Will anything about it, but the next time I needed treatment
+I asked him to accompany me. Will liked the doctor, so I kept my own
+counsel.
+
+One noon-day Mrs. Pease telephoned that they were going off on a motor
+trip for a tour of the country clubs, at one of which they had planned
+to dine. They wanted me to join them and after the matinée they would
+send a car to pick up Will, and return him in time for the evening
+performance. I told Will I did not want to go, giving the excuse that my
+throat was still sore. Mrs. Pease answered that the doctor said the air
+would do me good and that he would be responsible for me. I endeavoured
+to compromise by promising to meet them at the theatre after the matinée
+when they picked up Will, but the doctor himself came to the 'phone and
+Will decided for me.
+
+When the telephone announced the arrival of the party I went down to the
+reception room, where I found the doctor awaiting me. He bundled me
+into my great fur coat and insisted upon my wearing a fur cap his wife
+had sent me. He cautioned me to wrap up well, as the car was an open
+one. When we went out, as I supposed, to join the others, I was
+surprised to find that the doctor was alone.
+
+"The rest of them have gone on ahead," he answered my enquiring look. "I
+was detained at the office and told them not to wait on us. We'll
+overtake them if the car is in good shape."
+
+I felt strangely uncomfortable as I took my seat beside him in the
+racing machine. He secured the robes about me with his easy familiarity
+and tucked me in with a good deal of care. As he seated himself at the
+wheel and drew on his gloves he smiled at me and asked whether I was
+timid. He said he made it a rule to kiss a woman whenever she screamed.
+That was not a propitious beginning, I thought. The doctor drove
+skillfully, although recklessly.
+
+The boulevard system of Chicago is an excellent one. We covered miles of
+smooth paving, from which the snow had been removed, before we reached
+the country roads. After he had "let her out a bit" and showed me what
+she could do, he slowed up and turned to me with a little laugh, "That's
+going some, isn't it?" It struck me at the time that "going some" was
+probably the motto on the city's escutcheon. Everybody wants to be
+faster than everybody else.
+
+The air _was_ exhilarating. My face tingled from the contact with the
+wind. The doctor's glances made me uncomfortable. "You look like a
+rosy-cheeked boy," he said. "I'd like to bite you." I silently thanked
+the stars the car was an open one.
+
+Farther on we stopped at a country club. The doctor said it was a long
+time between drinks. As we drove into the club-grounds I noticed another
+motor under the shed. I hoped it might belong to other members of the
+party. The doctor made straight for the shed. When I looked at the deep
+snow, and only a narrow path cleared to the club house, I apprehended
+some silliness on the part of my host.
+
+Disregarding his suggestion to sit still while he put up his machine, I
+climbed down and picked my way over the slippery path. I had not gone
+far when the doctor overtook me and, seizing me from behind, lifted me
+in his arms. Not even the presence of the men shovelling snow prevented.
+My first impulse was to free myself, and I believe I administered a kick
+or two. The more I remonstrated the more he laughed. The picture of
+making a ridiculous show of myself made me submit to being carried the
+rest of the way.
+
+After ushering me into the living-room the doctor had the good sense to
+leave me alone for a while. By the time he appeared I had sufficiently
+recovered my equilibrium to receive him frostily. My dignity was lost on
+him. He pulled up a great armchair in front of the roaring fire and bade
+me drink the hot scotch the waiter at that moment brought in. A subdued
+titter from an obscure corner of the room sent the doctor in search of
+other occupants. He discovered them behind a screen.
+
+"Aha!" he greeted them in mock-seriousness. "Discovered!"
+
+"Stung"; responded a masculine voice. "So this is why you wouldn't join
+our party, eh? You sneaked off by yourselves. I didn't think anybody but
+me would have the nerve to try this place so soon after the snow-storm."
+
+"Neither did we!"
+
+"For Heaven's sake don't give us away, will you?" It was the woman who
+spoke.... "Who've you got with you?" she added in a lower tone.
+
+"O, a little friend of mine," answered the doctor. "Come over and meet
+her. I think you know her husband--Hartley, the actor."
+
+I fear the couple whose _rendezvous_ we had discovered were not
+impressed with the popular actor's wife. My conversation was limited to
+monosyllables. The omission, I fancy, was not serious. They had their
+own topic of conversation. It revolved chiefly around the tenth
+commandment. In fact, one might conclude with perfect assurance that the
+seventh and the last of the commandments are the _raison d'être_ of all
+conversation among that set.... I lost count of the drinks. The doctor
+said that in the future he would provide Maraschino cherries by the
+bottle for my especial delectation.
+
+When we left the club it was dark. The doctor's friends went at the same
+time. They had a chauffeur. The doctor's bloodshot eyes made me wish we,
+too, had one. The cold air, happily, set him right. He drove more
+carefully than earlier in the day. Perhaps he recognized his own
+condition. Once he slowed down and looked at his watch.
+
+"We're going to be late," he said. "I've half a mind to telephone that
+we've picked up a puncture and have gone back to town for repairs. What
+do you say?" He appeared to be turning the matter over in his mind, but
+I could see that he was not taking me into consideration.
+
+"No, we can't do that," I said without too much emphasis. "Mr. Hartley
+would be worried."
+
+He smiled at me as he replaced his watch. "Yes, I guess you're right; it
+will have to wait until some other time." He patted the covers above my
+lap. "Little Girl," he murmured, rather too tenderly. I was glad I could
+not see his eyes. The car shot ahead. For the next half hour I had a
+bewildering sense of flying over the snow-clad earth, coming now and
+then in contact with it as the car struck a rut. The lights, striking
+against the stalactited branches of the trees and foliage, scintillated
+like the tiara of a comic-opera star--or the Diamond Horseshoe on
+society night at the Metropolitan.
+
+We were the last ones to arrive at the country club where we were to
+dine. This time the doctor dropped me at the door. Someone was drumming
+the piano as I came in. By the time I had taken off my wraps the doctor
+joined me. There was a general noisy greeting when we entered the great
+hall. Nearly all of the women I had met before. "I thought the doctor
+had smashed you up," one of them said. "Or punctured a tire and gone
+back to town," another added, giving the doctor a broad wink.
+
+"Leila's gone back to town to get Mr. Hartley," volunteered someone
+else. (Leila was Mrs. Pease.)
+
+I settled myself in a niche of the chimney-seat, hoping to thaw out
+eventually. I was chilled to the very depths of my being, and it was not
+altogether physical. There were lots and lots of cocktails before
+dinner. Judging from the spirits of the company there had been a few
+before we arrived. When I heard that Mrs. Pease herself was driving the
+car in which she had gone to fetch Will, I had visions of his being
+dumped into a snow-bank or of colliding with a trolley. It seemed an
+interminable time until they appeared. We had reached the entrée. There
+was a noisy greeting and a round of sallies.
+
+"Explain yourself!"
+
+"We thought you'd eloped or got locked up for speeding!"
+
+"Stopped on the road, I'll bet," said the doctor, who had risen and
+grasped Will's hand. Will waved to me across the table.
+
+"O, you actor!" came from the woman at my right but one. I recognized
+the person who had reproved Will after the supper at the College Inn on
+the opening night.
+
+When the champagne was served Will raised his glass to me.
+
+"Drink it--it won't hurt you; you look tired," he said, in a stage
+whisper.
+
+"Stop flirting with your wife!" remonstrated Mrs. Pease. "Doc--_Doc_!"
+(The doctor was busy with a little blonde lady on the left.) He turned
+enquiringly to his wife's bleat. "You're neglecting your patient.
+Handsome Willy here says his wife is pale and wants to know what you've
+been doing to her!"
+
+The doctor leaned over me solicitously. "Never mind--I'm the doctor."
+For the rest of the meal he devoted himself to me.
+
+During the dinner a party of five came in and sat at another table. Two
+of them proved to be the couple we had met at the other country club.
+The man winked discreetly to the doctor.
+
+"Ye gods!" exclaimed the woman at my left but one. "It's Sid!--and I'm
+supposed to be home, sick in bed with a headache!"
+
+She looked at the man I had met and I assumed he was "Sid." "Damn such a
+town, anyway, where you can't go out without running into your own
+husband. Doc, who's he got with him?" She leered across the room at
+"Sid's" good-looking companions.
+
+"Never mind, Bell," soothed the doctor, "neither of you have got
+anything on the other."
+
+Bell blew him a kiss. "Dear old pain-killer!" she purred.
+
+A little later "Sid" came over to the table and the doctor joined the
+other party. Sid's wife started to introduce him to me.
+
+"I've met the lady," he interrupted, not giving me credit for any
+discretion.
+
+"O, you have," she said in an unpleasant tone.
+
+As he passed on behind her chair he said to her _sotto voce_,
+"Headache, eh? I like the way you lie."
+
+"O, you go to hell!" was the gentle rejoinder. There was still a trace
+of the anger which illuminated her bleary eyes when she turned to me.
+"What do you think of him trying to put it over me?"
+
+She steered back to the subject which was on her mind. Where had I met
+her husband and when? I told her I didn't recall--that he was probably
+mistaken. She knew I was lying. I am sure I don't know why I did it.
+
+Someone started telling funny stories. They were not really funny; only
+smutty. The women were more daring than the men. Will always declared
+that women were "whole hoggers" when once they started. I presume they
+labour under the impression that it is sporty or that it pleases the men
+"to go them one better." Ever since Eve was made for Adam's pleasure the
+female sex has been as pliable as the original mixture of mud and a
+floating rib. Women, generally, are what men want them to be....
+
+As time went by I began to fret lest Will be late for the evening
+performance. Finally I caught his eye and he understood my message. He
+looked at his watch and jumped to his feet. "Doc, what's the best time
+your machine can make? I've got precisely twenty minutes before the
+curtain goes up."
+
+"I'll get you there," answered the doctor as he left the table.
+
+"I'll drive him in," called the doctor's wife.
+
+"No, I guess not!" he answered over his shoulder. I devoutly, if mutely,
+thanked heaven. I am sure the doctor realized that his wife was "three
+sheets to the wind"--to use Will's favourite expression.
+
+I made my adieus and rose to follow Will.
+
+"Where are you going?" called Mrs. Pease. "No, you don't--you don't
+shake us like this! Willy, tell your wife to sit down and behave
+herself." In vain I expostulated that I must go back to the baby. "Never
+mind the kiddie; he's asleep and don't even know he's got a mother." She
+followed us into the hall where the doctor and Will were hurrying into
+their fur coats.
+
+"You can't go this trip, little lady," and the doctor pushed me out of
+the draughty doorway. "There's no room in the car and we're going to
+ride like hell." I appealed mutely to Will, who drew me aside.
+
+"Stick it out a little longer, girlie. They'll feel hurt if you don't.
+You can telephone to the hotel if you're anxious about the boy." He
+kissed me lightly. I felt on the verge of rebellion.
+
+"Shall you be late?" I managed.
+
+"No--unless something breaks down on the way. I'm not on until after the
+rise, and if necessary I'll go on without my make-up."
+
+"Come on, Hartley!" The doctor was already at the wheel. We watched them
+spurt ahead.
+
+"I hope your husband's insured," gurgled one of the women.... I felt
+sick and wretched. I wanted to go home, even if it were only a hotel
+room. Home was where Boy was. I had a wild impulse of stealing out
+unnoticed and asking my way to the nearest trolley line. Then I
+remembered I had not a cent in my purse.
+
+The return of the doctor relieved my mind as to Will's safe arrival. I
+comforted myself with the thought that the party would soon break up.
+The diners across the room had joined us before the return of the
+doctor. There was another round of liqueurs and at last someone moved to
+break up. "Sid's" wife, whose tongue was getting thick, suggested that
+we all go for a drive and end up by having supper at Rector's. There was
+general acquiescence. "Let's make a night of it," was the slogan.
+
+While the others were dividing themselves to suit the accommodation of
+the various automobiles, Mrs. Pease and I went to the dressing-room.
+"Lord! Don't I look a sight?" she exclaimed, scanning her reflection in
+the mirror. "That's the worst of booze; it makes me white around the
+gills." She daubed on a bit of rouge and patted it over with a powder
+puff. I took advantage of our tête-à-tête and asked her if she would be
+so good as to arrange to drop me at my hotel on the way back.
+
+"Why, my dear, you're not going home yet; you're going right along with
+us."
+
+"I really must not.... Mr. Hartley wouldn't approve, I know. I have not
+been well and----"
+
+"Rot! You leave that to the doctor. He'll stop and leave a note at the
+theatre.... Doc! _Doc!_ Come here...." The doctor peeped in the doorway.
+
+"O, come in--we're only powdering our noses," Mrs. Pease called to him.
+"Say, look here! Mrs. H. thinks hubby might not approve of her going on
+with us----"
+
+"I didn't mean--" I began.
+
+"I tell her you'll fix it up with him," she interrupted.
+
+"It's fixed--long ago. I told your husband we'd come for him after the
+show. He'll want a bite to eat anyway, and why not be sociable? He told
+me to tell you to be a good little sport and wait for him." He laid an
+arm around my shoulders and Mrs. Pease, still busy in front of the
+mirror, laughed in mock seriousness.
+
+"O, don't mind me!"
+
+"Did Mr. Hartley--did my husband say he expected me to wait?"
+
+"Sure Mike," broke in Mrs. Pease. "Doc, you go pilot that bunch so they
+don't butt into my preserves. Saidee is soused, and when Saidee gets
+soused she gets nasty drunk." The doctor disappeared. "I can't stand for
+women who don't know their capacity," Mrs. Pease continued, working on
+her complexion. "You're a wise little gazabo to go slow on the fizz. I
+watched you to-night, and the way you manipulated the glasses was a
+scream.... Do you know you made a great hit with the doctor? You're
+just his style--dark eyes, full bust and not 'higher than his heart.'
+... O, I'm not jealous! The Doc and I are on to each other." She winked
+at me and led the way to the hall.
+
+"On to each other." ... I mulled over the expression as I watched
+husbands and wives pairing off with and showing their preference for
+someone else. Everybody seemed to be "on to each other." It was a game
+of _stalemates_.
+
+I drove back with the doctor. There was no way out of it without making
+a scene. "Sid" and the doctor engaged in a brush along the road. The
+reckless speeding fitted in with my mood. There were moments when I
+almost wished that something would break and land me with some broken
+bones, if nothing more. I was smarting under Will's obvious lack of
+consideration; He knew the atmosphere was not a congenial one, yet he
+sacrificed me to it without hesitation. I wanted with all my heart to
+have him popular and sought after; I was willing to play the game--up to
+a certain point. But when the game entailed a loss of self-respect, of
+confidence, or of equivocation with one's better instincts, there I drew
+the line. It ceased to be worth the candle.
+
+I could no longer shut my eyes to the encroachments upon our happiness
+the very exigencies of his profession demanded. My passionate and
+childish efforts at blind man's buff were not convincing. The time had
+come when my husband and I must have a complete understanding. I must
+make clear to him how I felt. After that, if he were still blind to the
+dangers which threatened our life--no, I would not dwell on such a
+contingency. I felt sure Will would see things at their true valuation.
+For the first time that day I settled back to something approaching a
+state of composure. One always feels less perturbed after determining
+upon a course of action. I resolved to see the evening through with as
+much equanimity as possible. There was something grimly humorous about
+the situation: if Will really wanted to make a sport of me I was
+"cutting my eye-teeth" with a vengeance.
+
+So engaged was I with my own thoughts I had not noticed that we had
+slowed up. Coincidentally the car came to a stop. The doctor rose to his
+feet and looked behind him.
+
+"Anything wrong?" I questioned.
+
+"No; I only wanted to make sure the coast was clear."
+
+He knelt with one knee on the seat and pulled the robe about me from
+behind. With his free hand he raised my face close to his, and held me
+there.
+
+"I'm going to have one kiss from those luscious lips--if it takes a
+leg," he said.
+
+The doctor was a strong man. Will had often remarked that no one would
+suspect me of having so much strength. Yet I was a mere child in the
+doctor's hands. He pinioned my arms beneath the weight of his body. He
+kept his lips on mine until the strength oozed out of my finger-tips
+from sheer suffocation. When he raised his head it was only to look at
+me and breathing hard again to fasten himself upon me with a fiercer
+tremor which shook his whole frame.... Only once or twice in all our
+married life had Will kissed me like that. I had believed it an
+expression of purest love. I realized now that it connoted other
+emotions less pure.... "Baby! Baby!... Put your arms around my neck....
+You haven't fainted, have you?" ... He lifted me to my feet. I could not
+repress a hysterical sob. "There--that's better! I didn't mean to be so
+rough, but I'm mad about you. You drive me crazy! Kiss me of your own
+free will...."
+
+I succeeded in holding him back while I looked him in the eyes,
+struggling to express what my lips refused to say.... "O ... O...." I
+finally stammered. "Is it right?... Do you think it's right?..."
+
+Wholly misconstruing my words, he strained me to him and kissed me more
+tenderly, endeavouring to soothe me. "Right? Little boy, who the devil
+cares whether it's right or not! It's nice, isn't it? Don't you love
+it?"
+
+"My husband ... do you think it's right to him?..."
+
+Something of the disgust I felt must have pierced him, for he released
+me with a change of expression.
+
+"O, come now--don't spring that old gag on your friend the Doc.... What
+do you care as long as he doesn't get on to it?... You know as well as I
+do that a good-looking fellow in his profession has it thrown at him
+from all sides. You don't think he turns 'em _all_ down, do you? You've
+got too much sense for that.... Come on, now ... let's understand each
+other.... You're as safe with me as a babe on its mother's breast....
+I'll call you up on Saturday and we'll go off some place together ...
+where we can talk it over.... God, Baby! I'm crazy about you!..."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+When Will and I walked into our rooms at the hotel the little travelling
+clock on my bureau pointed the hour of three. I slipped out of the fur
+coat the doctor had loaned me and left it in a heap upon the floor. I
+don't know how long I stood contemplating space.... Then I heard him
+cross the room and pick up the coat. I felt his eyes fastened upon me. I
+roused myself and went into the bedroom, where I began to take down my
+hair in front of the mirror. Will followed me and I saw that he was
+watching me in the glass. After a moment he spoke to me.
+
+"Girlie ..." his voice was kind.... "You'll have to learn to gauge your
+capacity.... You're not a tank like the rest of the crowd.... Look at
+your face; it's as red as a red, red rose--and has been all evening."
+
+He patted me on the arm and went into the bathroom. I felt as if I were
+going to shriek.... _Will thought I was drunk...._ I looked at myself
+in the glass.... My face was drawn and there were red burning spots in
+my cheeks.... My eyes peered but like two burnt holes in a blanket....
+Yes, it was plain to see that I was not myself.... I smothered a burst
+of hysterical laughter.... I started toward the bathroom where Will was
+preparing for bed. I intended to tell him that in all, during the entire
+day, I had taken only one glass of champagne--and that at his
+request.... Then I stopped. I did not dare to trust myself.... I knew he
+would laugh and pet me and say he had not meant to criticize and then he
+would take me in his arms ... and I would cry it all out upon his
+heart.... I would tell him the whole miserable experience ... and he ...
+what would _he_ do? If he called the doctor to account there would be a
+scandal.... It would be degrading.... I could never endure it.... _And
+if he did not call the Doctor to account--if he merely cut him without
+demanding satisfaction_, I should _despise_ him--I should _hate_ him....
+"O, yes you would--you _know_ you would, though you wouldn't acknowledge
+it even to yourself" ... it was Miss Burton's voice.... "Take my
+advice--better not tell him at all." I switched off the light, so that
+Will could not see my face....
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI
+
+
+I revelled in the heavy cold which kept me indoors. No amount of urging
+or cajoling on the part of my husband could induce me to see the doctor.
+Were I to express a preference for some other physician, Will's
+suspicions might be aroused. Experience applied old-fashioned remedies
+and in a few days I was able to be about the room. Mrs. Pease telephoned
+daily and called several times in person. Will saw her, but Experience
+had been instructed that I could see no one. During my retirement I had
+turned things over in my mind, arguing _pro_ and _con_ the advisability
+of a thorough understanding with Will. It appeared to me that the danger
+of such a proceeding lay in the tearing down of barriers which could
+never again be replaced--a rending aside of all illusion between us.
+Heretofore I had refrained from any expression of animadversion of his
+profession or his conduct. If he suspected any dissatisfaction on my
+part he preferred to let it pass without comment.
+
+Spasmodically he indulged in bursts of confidence--confidences of the
+kind not calculated to improve my opinion of his profession. At such
+times he appeared fully to appreciate the corroding atmosphere in which
+he lived. He even contemplated retiring from the stage. These phases
+were rare, however, generally attending a disappointment in a rôle,
+discontent with an engagement or unfavourable criticism of his work. The
+mood soon passed and he appeared to be content with the ephemeral joys
+of the moment.
+
+The longer I brooded over the subject the less sure I became of any good
+to be attained by a frank expression of my mind. Were I to eliminate all
+circumlocution and say: "My husband, there is something fundamentally
+wrong with a profession which demands a compromise with one's best
+instincts," or "the class of people with which you come in daily contact
+make for your ultimate degradation," or, again, "I do not approve of
+your petty deceits, the complacency with which you accept moral
+obliquity, the low standard which permeates our entire life," this would
+call for amplification, an indulgence in personalities which could
+result only in a greater breach between us. I might even be accused of
+jealousy, inconsideration for his future, and a lack of faith in the
+man.
+
+It had often occurred to me that there was such a thing as too great
+intimacy, a too careless frankness between husband and wife! A lack of
+reserve which ended in a secret contempt for each other's weaknesses. To
+be tolerant of and to respect these weaknesses while striving to
+stimulate the best in each other's nature; in short, to be a complement,
+each to the other, this appeared to me the basic principle of marriage.
+And as I had done in the past I again fell back upon my inner self. I
+wanted, O, I so wanted to develop the best that was in him ... and there
+was much, nearly all of him was good. The danger lay in environment....
+
+One day--it was a week later that Will had planned to dine at the Press
+Club--I lay on the couch watching Boy. He sat on a fur rug on the floor,
+playing with Snyder. Experience had gone down to an early dinner. There
+was a knock on the door. I called out, "Come in." It was the doctor.
+
+"I took advantage of my professional capacity and came up unannounced,"
+he said, easily, without directly looking at me. He removed his coat
+and tickled Boy's face with the tail of the fur lining. Boy drew up his
+nose and laughed at the sensation, and the doctor dropped the coat upon
+the floor for him to play with. Then he squatted beside him while Boy
+stroked the fur and called it "cat." For several minutes the doctor
+busied himself with the child, deploring the deformities of Snyder and
+imitating a dog's bark.
+
+"Great boy, that!" he concluded, rising to his feet and taking a long
+breath.
+
+"Now, then, tell me all about it," he said, drawing up a chair in a
+purely professional manner and looking at me without a trace of
+self-consciousness. "You're pale; that's what you get for not sending
+for the doc. How's your pulse?" He reached for my hand and held it
+regardless of my frowning face.... "Rotten ... you need a tonic. I'll
+write a prescription right off." There was silence while he wrote. Then
+he rose, placed the slip of paper on the table, tossed the boy in the
+air and crossed back, looking down at me with his hands in his pockets.
+
+"Well, little girl, what have you got to say for yourself?... I suppose
+you're still sore on me ... forget it and forgive. I apologize. I acted
+like a beast, I know.... It was the booze. It got the better of my
+judgment. Just the same, _in vino veritas_, I was most terribly stuck on
+you--and still am--no, sit still! I'm cold sober.... I thought, of
+course, you were like the rest.... Come, shake hands with me and say all
+is forgiven. I saw your husband to-day and he told me to come and see
+you.... I knew then that it was all right.... I felt sure you had too
+much common sense to tell hubby.... When are you coming out of the
+nunnery?..." He threw himself into the chair and smiled genially. I was
+holding fast to something he had said: "I thought of course you were
+like the rest." ...
+
+"Doctor, will you answer me a question--truthfully, I mean?"
+
+"I will if I can," he flashed back at me.
+
+"You said a few minutes since that you had thought me like the rest. Who
+did you mean by 'the rest'--women as a class--the class you go about
+with--or the women of the stage?"
+
+"Well ... if you want the honest truth--I had actresses in mind when I
+spoke."
+
+"You believe actresses are any worse, even as bad, as the women I met
+at dinner last week?"
+
+"Um ... ye-s ... I think actresses would go farther."
+
+"_Go farther!_"
+
+"Yes. None of these women--at least not many of them--you've met would
+really go the limit. They do a good deal of playing around the edge, but
+it's only once in a while they get into a scrape.... Look here! I don't
+hold a brief for judging the relative virtues of women. I don't blame
+anybody for squeezing all the enjoyment they can out of life--for you
+don't know what's coming hereafter."
+
+The doctor showed signs of irritation....
+
+A sound from Boy suggested my next remark.
+
+"Suppose one has children?"
+
+"That's a horse of another colour.... Though when you come right down to
+it I don't see that a family cuts much ice. Children are for the most
+part accidents. They just happen. Their conception is the result of
+carelessness or laziness. Their ultimate arrival is accepted a good deal
+like a deluge or a fire; you do everything you can to stop it--to the
+verge of self-destruction--then you throw up your hands and accept the
+inevitable. There isn't one love child in a million. I mean a child of
+love in the sense of premeditated and welcome conception. Men and women
+marry for one of a half dozen reasons, most commonly because they
+believe they are in love. When the honeymoon wanes and you get right
+down to commonplace, every-day life in all its ugliness, we begin to
+feet that we've been buncoed. If we are truthful with ourselves we
+acknowledge a share of the bunco game. Way back in our subconscious mind
+the sensation of our courtship, the pursuit and the first mad moments of
+possession have stuck fast.... We fairly throb at the thought of them.
+We begin to hanker for a repetition of these sensuous dope-dreams....
+Presently we are off hot for the chase ... and a little dash of the
+forbidden fruit acts as a stimulant. Like all stimulants it becomes
+necessary to increase the dose after a while to insure efficacy. That's
+where we begin to slop over...." The doctor leaned back with the air of
+one who is satisfied with his diagnosis.
+
+"We are getting away from the subject," I remarked caustically.
+
+"Not a bit of it ... we're running along converging lines. The stage is
+the mart for the prettiest and most magnetic of women. A pretty woman
+may be moral, but the chances are against it. Every man looks upon her
+as so much legitimate loot. They differ only in their methods of getting
+away with it. Sometimes they effect a legitimate sale: this is what our
+social system calls marriage. More often the rate of exchange is
+usurious on the part of the man. It varies from a bottle of wine and a
+few pretty clothes to a diamond necklace and equally brilliant
+promises.... Now here's where our lines converge. The stage is a good
+place to show goods. Our eternal chase bids us go in and look 'em
+over--and--if you are in a mood to trade--to say nothing of having the
+price--you'll find a bevy of ambitious beauties with a keen eye to
+business."
+
+"You infer, then, that the society lady sins for love only--and that the
+actress bestows her affection for purely mercenary motives?"
+
+"I don't make any such broad distinction as that--but I believe the
+actress has always an eye on the main chance and that she wouldn't let a
+little thing like love interfere with business.... The society woman, on
+the other hand, usually goes wrong because she's unhappily married and
+tries to make up for what's missing by stealing a little happiness on
+the side."
+
+"Then I am to believe that the stories one reads about lovers who
+present other men's wives with bejewelled gold purses and other little
+feminine gew-gaws are wholly fictitious; pure emanations from the brain
+of newspaper reporters--or the French dramatist ... and from the divorce
+records?"
+
+The doctor threw back his head and roared like a lion....
+
+"Perhaps you'll be good enough to tell me under what head you classified
+me--being neither a love-lorn society lady nor an ambitious actress with
+an eye to the main chance...."
+
+The doctor sobered to the point of anger. "I have told you that I am
+sorry.... I have apologized.... After all, what are we rowing about?
+You've proved an alibi--you're not like the rest--so let's forget it."
+
+"I _can't_ forget it.... You are judging a whole class by a few
+individuals who share your perverted ideas ... individuals who would be
+immoral in a nunnery.... Would any of the women of your set--name any
+one of them--would she--_could_ she be less moral on the stage?
+Impossible! I don't believe you when you say none of them would 'go the
+limit!' Women who drink as much as they do; women whose tongues are
+furred with vulgar stories; women who proclaim they are '_on_ to their
+husbands' and that their husbands are _on_ to them and still continue to
+live under the same roof, occupy the same beds; women who write other
+women's husbands love letters and arrange places of assignation ... do
+you mean you do not _know_ these women 'go the limit'?" ... My
+indignation and resentment had swept me like a storm and left me weak
+and bedraggled. The doctor made no response.... I felt that he was
+watching me. After a while I proceeded more quietly....
+
+"The trouble with you, doctor, is that you form your opinions from the
+newspapers. The man who writes the head-lines believes it is his bounden
+duty to accentuate any and everything pertaining to the stage. The most
+obscure chorus girl is 'an actress.' Every divorcée whose antics have
+emblazoned the hall of ill-fame expects to become an actress and the
+newspapers record her aspiration in large type. A police court
+magistrate in New York once told me that three-fourths of the women
+arrested on the streets for accosting men gave their occupations on the
+police blotter as 'actress.' Do you think any yellow sheet ever let an
+opportunity like that go by?... If all the petty affairs of your clients
+or your friends and casual acquaintances, both scandalous and innocuous,
+were printed from week to week, do you think there would be an
+appreciable difference between the standard of morality of the doctors,
+the dentists, the butchers and bakers and that of the actor?... I don't
+think you take into consideration that the actor's life is public
+property. He is denied the right of privacy in all matters. Nothing is
+too trivial, too delicately personal, to be shared with the public."
+
+"And who's to blame for that, my lady, but the player himself? Publicity
+is his stock in trade. He's got to advertise, or drop out.... If ever I
+want a divorce, I'll dig up an actor as co-respondent: not because there
+may not be others, but because the actor would appreciate the
+advertisement." ... The doctor leaned toward me to better enjoy my
+discomfiture, then laughed tormentingly.
+
+I rose to my feet; he accepted his congé lingeringly.
+
+"Well, at any rate I've done you good; your face has got back its
+colour." ... He stood contemplating me for a second.
+
+"You know ... you've got a good deal of think works under that dusky
+head--only don't think too much.... It's bad business for a woman of
+your temperament." He turned to pick up his coat. Boy had fallen asleep
+upon it, nestling close to the warm fur. "What a shame to disturb
+him--don't do it. I can do without the coat until I get home." I lifted
+Boy gently and carried him still asleep to the bedroom beyond. The
+doctor followed to the alcove and stood watching while I covered the
+child. Then he picked up his coat and threw it over his arm.
+
+"I guess you're equal to holding Handsome Bill by the leading strings,
+all right.... Hartley's a fine chap; one of the nicest actors I ever
+knew, and I'm downright fond of him." ...
+
+I could not repress a sneer in the safety of the twilight. It was not
+lost on the doctor.
+
+"I know what you are thinking about," he said quietly, "but you know as
+well as I that where there's a woman in the case there's about as much
+honour among men as there is among thieves." ... He stretched out his
+hand. "Good-bye, little girl.... I'm glad to have had this talk with
+you; it's better than dodging each other and arousing suspicion. Aren't
+you going to shake hands?... O, well if you look at it in that light ...
+just the same, I'm yours to command whenever you feel the need of me."
+... Exit doctor.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII
+
+
+Toward the end of the engagement in Chicago it became expedient that I
+undergo a minor operation. Will suggested I enter a private hospital
+near at hand, that he might be in daily communication with me. I
+preferred, however, to return to New York, and place myself under the
+care of our family physician. Our apartment being still occupied, I
+decided on one of the smaller hotels, which abound on the cross streets
+between Twenty-fourth and Forty-fifth. Will's company was booked for a
+week in Cleveland following the Chicago engagement.
+
+I received daily letters from Will telling me how lonely he was without
+Boy and me, and every other day he wired me some nice little greeting.
+The operation was simple and, as Experience was permitted to bring Boy
+to visit me during given hours of the afternoon, the time passed
+quickly.
+
+By the end of the week I was able to leave the hospital and I had
+apprised Will of my intention. Consequently I was not surprised to find
+a telegram awaiting me at the hotel. Experience said it had probably
+been delivered while she was on the way to fetch me. I waited until I
+had made myself comfy in a big arm chair which Experience had ready for
+me, and while she made a cup of tea over our alcohol lamp I settled back
+to enjoy Will's message. It was a long one, I saw at a glance.
+Experience turned enquiringly at my ejaculation. The telegram had been
+sent from Cincinnati, where Will was now playing, following Cleveland.
+It read: "Come at once if you are able to travel. Not ill, but need your
+presence. Have wired money to bank. Best train Big Four Limited leaving
+at six-thirty p.m. New York Central. Telegraph on departure. Love,
+Will."
+
+I read and reread the message. My perturbation grew. What did Will mean
+by "need your presence"? He forestalled any alarm about his health by
+saying he was not ill, but had he told the truth? Perhaps he had met
+with an accident, a terrible disfiguring--surely I was letting my nerves
+run away with me.... But why did he urge me to come to Cincinnati when
+we had planned to meet the following week in St. Louis, his home city,
+and where there was to be a kind of reunion of the family relatives? It
+was obvious that he expected me, as he had taken the care to look up
+trains and had telegraphed the money.
+
+There was something very much the matter.... I glanced at the clock. It
+lacked a few minutes of five, and the train left at half after six....
+The bank was closed, but I could get a check cashed. Whatever had
+happened it was my duty to be with Will. I jumped to my feet, forgetful
+of my convalescence. The weakness had vanished. I felt strangely well.
+"Experience ... never mind the tea.... We leave for Cincinnati at
+once...."
+
+Experience set down the kettle and looked at me with her hand on her
+hips.... I made no explanation, but began to don the clothes I had only
+a moment since removed. The necessity for immediate action finally
+seeped into Experience's brain. "Then I guess I'll have to fly at
+packin' up.... Law-zee, if this ain't seein' the country!..."
+
+Will met us at the station. The first glimpse of him through the iron
+grill relieved my suspense concerning his health. He was not ill, and
+appeared to be whole and undamaged. He was solicitous about my
+condition. I _did_ look a bit of a wreck. After the excitement of
+getting off had subsided and there was nothing to do but listen to the
+monotonous clickety-click of the speeding train, I had collapsed. The
+reaction was too great. It was not until we were in sight of our
+destination that I dragged myself to my feet and steeled myself to meet
+whatever emergency confronted me.... Naturally I asked no questions
+during the drive to the hotel. The general aspect of Cincinnati was
+typical of my state of mind: an unsunned sky and a smoke-filmed
+atmosphere.... It occurred to me how fallacious was Milton's conception
+of "evil news." ... "For evil news rides post while good news baits." It
+has always appeared to me the other way about. Good news flashes on to
+its destination gathering impetus as it goes, while harbinger of bad
+lags on behind, retarding the very hours by its sable weight.... The
+mental rack of suspense, of waiting, while the imagination conjures an
+endless chain of dire probabilities.... When, at last, Experience and
+Boy were settled in an adjoining room Will closed the door and turned
+to me. It seemed an interminable time before he spoke. He seemed to be
+bracing himself for the effort.
+
+"First I want to thank you for coming without question.... I only hope
+you will not suffer a relapse...."
+
+I waved aside the preamble....
+
+"Well," I said....
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I think I was stunned. Nothing seemed quite real about the room. Even
+Will's voice sounded remote. I had experienced the same sensation coming
+out of the ether after my operation. The doctor's assuring "It's all
+right, little lady; just open your eyes" reached me from across spanless
+space. Then, as now, followed a great wave of nausea, whirling me into a
+relentless undertow, leaving me limp and racked with pain....
+Mechanically I re-read the clipping Will had thrust into my hand by way
+of preparing me for what followed. It was an excerpt from "The Club
+Window" and ran as follows: "A certain clique of rough-riders allied
+with a North Side country club are laying odds on a high-stepping filly
+of their set who for some time past has been riding for a fall. The
+inevitable cropper will involve a certain actor who for the past month
+has been delighting Chicago audiences with his manly pulchritude as well
+as his histrionic ability. The lady in the case showed marked preference
+for the society of the actor during one of his former visits to the
+Windy City. From time to time there has reached the ears of the
+seat-warmers in the Club Window gossip of certain little junkets to New
+York during the past winter. It may have been purely coincidental that
+the actor was playing a season's engagement in the metropolis but--be
+that as it may--the advent of the company to our parts was watched with
+considerable gusto. Likewise it may have been purely chance that the
+husband of the third part was away on a hunting trip. 'The best laid
+plans of' and so forth; the unexpected happened when the actor's wife
+accompanied him on his visit to us. The affair was for the moment in
+abeyance. _But_--no sooner had the wife returned to New York than the
+fire broke out with renewed ardour probably fanned by the previous
+adverse winds of cruel fate. When the company left for another city the
+fair Chicagoan was missing from her accustomed haunts. Subsequent
+investigation affirmed the rumour that the lady was a guest at a
+leading hotel in Cleveland. Incidentally her suite of rooms was on the
+same floor as that of the actor. Let us hope that some busy bee does not
+buzz about the head of the mighty hunter and bring him back gunning for
+the destroyer of his peace. Verily, verily, the actor hath power to
+charm."
+
+"You must realize, girlie, that I wouldn't have worried you with this
+nasty business if I hadn't been afraid of letting us both in for
+something worse.... What do you think of the damned cat who cooked up a
+thing like that? It was pure spite work. You see it was like this: When
+I met this female reporter two years ago she was all for me. You
+remember the nice things she wrote about me when I played Chicago the
+last time? Well, she came on to New York last winter and I took her to
+lunch and showed her other little attentions just to keep on the good
+side of her. About the same time the other dame blew in, and I felt it
+was up to me to discharge some of my social debts to her. Here's where
+the elderly spinster reporter got sore. She thought she had a corner on
+the market. It's hell to be such a fascinatin' devil!..."
+
+Will winked at me, albeit a little dubiously, sensing a probable lack
+of appreciation on my part.
+
+"When I came back to Chicago this trip," he continued, "I received a
+note from my quondam friend and later she came back to my dressing-room
+to see me. She made some pertinent remarks about the other woman, hinted
+at some persons being ingrates after all she had done to boom them when
+they were 'also rans' and, now that they had got there, threw down their
+old friends. I lost my temper a bit and we parted bad friends. The
+result was she transferred her booming to ----" (Will named the character
+actor of his company) "and proceeded to lay it over me on every possible
+occasion.... These damned women are always worse when they get along in
+life...."
+
+"What did this 'club' woman expect of you?... What did she want?"
+
+Will looked at me blankly, then batted his eyes....
+
+"Why ... why, I suppose the old hen wanted me to make love to her: she
+made a play for me and I threw her down hard."
+
+He took the clipping from my fingers and replaced it in his wallet.
+
+"Did you know that the--_the_ lady was coming to Cleveland?" I asked.
+
+"Why--not exactly; she said something about it while we were still in
+Chicago but I thought she was bluffing. As a matter of fact I thought
+she had more sense than to do a thing like that."
+
+"What led you to believe she had better sense?--anything in her past
+performances?"
+
+"No--but women are pretty foxy: they generally take care to cover their
+trails no matter how reckless they pretend to be. Not many of them want
+to lose their homes in spite of their protestations about giving up
+everything for 'thou'...."
+
+"Why did you not insist on her returning home at once? Couldn't you have
+gone to another hotel?"
+
+"What good would that have done? She would have followed. When she
+turned up in Cleveland I handed it to her straight, you may imagine. I
+didn't mince matters a little bit."
+
+"Was she afraid to go back home?"
+
+"I don't know; she said she'd left for good and that she'd never live
+with her husband again. I told her she could do as she pleased about
+_that_, but I didn't propose to become involved. Then she threatened to
+commit suicide--throw herself in the lake. I told her to go ahead and
+then she had hysterics all over the place. I had a fine tea-party, I can
+tell you.... Somebody sent me a marked copy of the Club Window. I knew,
+then, it wouldn't be long before her husband would get wise to it and I
+didn't know what kind of a game he'd spring on me. I guess it's not the
+first time the lady has kicked over the matrimonial traces, according to
+reports. Maybe he's looking for just such an opening."
+
+The room was thick with tobacco-smoke. Will was burning up one cigar
+after another.
+
+"She made a fine spectacle of herself and of me by showing up at the
+railway station looking like a boiled owl. After our scene she capped
+the climax by getting a peach of a jag.... By George, I never will hear
+the last of it from the members of the company." He pulled down a window
+from the top and stopped at the desk, where he took a telegram from his
+portfolio--a Christmas present I had made him.
+
+"Yesterday morning I received this." I read the message:
+
+     "Call me long distance Friday noon sharp. Important.
+
+     (Signed) DOC."
+
+"It was decent of the Doc, wasn't it? Well, I got him on long distance
+and the first thing he asked me was whether the lady were with me.
+'Well, not exactly _with_ me, but I can't shake her,' I shouted back.
+'You've got to,' the Doc went on, 'for your wife's sake you mustn't get
+landed with the goods.' The Doc is one of these 'from-Missouri'
+gentlemen and wouldn't believe I was innocent under oath. Just the same
+he's a good fellow. He told me he knew all about my predicament and that
+he'd taken time by the forelock and got hold of madame's sister, who was
+standing beside him while he talked. She had her grip with her, ready to
+start for Cincinnati at once. I told him to send her by the fastest
+express. The Doc said that madame's husband had returned to town
+unexpectedly--just as I had anticipated--and after a stay of twenty-four
+hours had again disappeared. No one at his office or at his home knew
+where he had gone. The sister said he had called her up and inquired
+where his wife had gone and had rung off abruptly. Then the Doc quizzed
+the stenographer, who was an old chum of his, and she confided to him
+that the husband's secretary had bought a ticket to Cleveland.... 'He's
+on the trail,' the Doc warned, 'and there's only one thing for you to do
+... send for your wife if she's able to travel.... Make her get to
+Cincinnati before he does. Your wife is a level-headed little woman and
+if you put it to her straight she'll play up.... Together you can cook
+up something to placate the irate husband....' Can't you just hear the
+old Doc roar? Well, I thought his advice good and I wired you at once."
+
+... "Has the sister arrived?" ... I found it difficult to make myself
+heard. My voice was dry and grated harshly....
+
+"Yes, she's here; they're on the floor below." Will poured a glass of
+water and handed it me. Then he sat on the edge of the bed and waited.
+It was his turn to be silent. He seemed to have talked himself out....
+
+"Which of them is it?... Do I know her?"
+
+"Yes; we had dinner at her house one Sunday night."
+
+"Blonde?"
+
+"Um--yes...."
+
+"Art's triumph over Nature, I suppose." ... I could not resist the
+thrust ... suddenly I sat bolt upright.
+
+"Will ... _Will_.... Not--Mrs F.--not the woman with the two little
+girls ... not the mother of those children...."
+
+He nodded and raised his shoulders with a gesture which was half
+deploring, half deprecating.
+
+"O!!!...." I covered my face with my hands ... the picture was _too_
+revolting.... "Children don't cut much ice," the doctor had said. I
+stopped up my ears to shut out his voice....
+
+"How did it begin?" I said at last.
+
+"O ... the usual way ... supper--or dinner, I've forgotten which--a
+little flirtation, lots of booze, motor-rides, rendez-vous while you
+listen to the neglected wife song and dance, more dinners and suppers
+and motor-rides ... and the first thing you know the fool woman is in
+love with you, or thinks she is, which is worse.... I hope you don't
+blame _me_. I can't help it if women make fools of themselves over me."
+... Something in Will's tone--a _sang froid_--almost a
+_braggadocio_--sent the blood to my face with a rush of anger. I leaned
+forward in my chair and looked him in the eyes.
+
+"Will ... do you mean to tell me that you never encouraged this woman?"
+
+"How do you mean--encouraged?"
+
+"In God's name don't juggle with your words--don't equivocate! You know
+what I mean as well as I do!--to encourage in a hundred intangible ways;
+to show that you are flattered by a woman's attention; to let her
+believe that _you_ believe you are the only one upon whom she has
+bestowed her favours; to let her tell you that you are the first man for
+whom she has betrayed her husband, though she has been neglected and
+unhappy for years and years; to cram down your throat the intimate
+confidences of her married life and to tell you she has never sought
+consolation elsewhere; to let her do all these without giving her the
+lie when you know in your heart she was lying. That's what I mean!... O,
+believe me I am beginning to understand the intricacies of the game ...
+and if you have gone the limit ... I don't ask you to confess it ...
+fidelity does not hinge upon the sexual act, alone--though you men
+place that above every other virtue in a woman--but I do ask you for the
+sake of your manhood, for your own self-respect, don't, _don't_ play the
+part of a cad!"
+
+Will winced as if I had struck him in the face. His face had grown quite
+pale and his lips were compressed. When he spoke his voice cut the air
+like a fine blade of steel.
+
+"So that's what you think, is it?... I've obviously made a mistake in
+sending for you ... but I did so more for your sake than for my own ...
+to prepare you and save you from a shock if there was a blow-out.... I
+never knew before what a poor opinion you had of me."
+
+"Don't distort my words, Will, if you please...."
+
+He paced back and forth, beating the back of one hand against the palm
+of the other.
+
+"I know you're sick and weak.... I'm trying to make every allowance for
+your state of nerves. Up to date you've played up like a brick. I've
+often watched you and secretly admired the way you handled things,
+but--if you're going to spoil it all by developing into a jealous woman
+at this stage of the game...." I turned on him quickly.
+
+"I'm sure you can't say that I've ever annoyed you in that line."
+
+"No, I'll admit, you've been a level-headed woman ... but remember I've
+played square with you and I think you'll admit _that_. I've never had a
+serious affair with any woman--and the Lord knows I have it thrown at me
+from all sides. The woods are full of Potiphar's wives.... If you had
+some men to deal with ... how many of 'em can stand up against that sort
+of thing without losing their heads?... why, I've had people tell me we
+were a model couple ... and, here, the first time I get into anything
+like a serious predicament----"
+
+"Then you admit other predicaments?"
+
+"Why, of course, there's been ... O, hell--what's the use of trying to
+argue with a woman! You're like all the rest!--when it comes to a
+show-down they're not deuces high!" ... He crossed to the telephone and
+called a waiter.
+
+"I've got to order an early dinner; I'll have a fine dose of indigestion
+as it is--after all this infernal row.... Of course, if it came to a
+show-down and he named me as co-respondent it wouldn't do _me_ any
+damage but it would upset the pater and the rest of the family all
+along the line. You know how they feel about the stage...."
+
+"What about me?" was on the tip of my tongue but I did not voice it or
+the thoughts which followed. How should I feel to see a home broken up
+and to know that my husband shared in the wrecking?--whether directly or
+indirectly--the results were the same. And the woman--and the two little
+girls ... what of them?... A knock at the door caused my very heart to
+contract. Had the husband arrived to demand Heaven only knew what?...
+The waiter entered with a menu. I had completely forgotten that Will had
+summoned him. When the waiter had taken the order and gone, Will crossed
+and laid his hand on my arm.
+
+"Come now, girlie--we musn't let this fool thing come between you and
+me. It isn't worth it! You know I love you ... you're the only woman
+I've ever loved ... ever _will_ love...."
+
+O, wise husband! He knew I could no more resist his tenderness than a
+flower resists the warm sun.... He let me revel in my first fierce burst
+of tears and comforted me mutely; then, still holding me in his arms,
+he went on talking:
+
+"Sometimes I hate this damned business and feel that I'd like to chuck
+it altogether ... but what's a man to do after he's given the best years
+of his life to one thing? It takes a long time to get established in any
+profession, nowadays ... and I'm getting older every day.... I'm sorry I
+was ugly ... _my_ nerves are a bit frazzled, too ... but I'll be all
+right, now that you and I understand each other ... come, now ... let's
+forget it.... Come in the bath-room and bathe your eyes. I've ordered a
+nice little dinner and a bottle of fizz; it'll buck you up. Then, before
+I go to the performance, we'll outline some plan of action...."
+
+"What do you want me to do?" I asked, as I came out of the bath-room a
+little later.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII
+
+
+When I entered the room I had no intention of engaging in a slanging
+match. I had telephoned my coming and her sister was awaiting me. I felt
+almost sorry for the girl standing beside the bed, her eyes meeting mine
+uncertainly, her lips forcing a greeting.
+
+"Won't you sit down? Fannie, here is Mrs. Hartley...."
+
+The woman in the bed turned and raised herself on her elbow. Her face
+was swollen, the lips blue and loose, and her eyes had the look of
+watery gelatine. Without meeting my eyes, she moaned theatrically and
+buried her face in the pillows.
+
+"What--_what_ must you think of me?" she whined.
+
+"I think you're a fool!" slipped out before I could prevent it.
+
+"All women are fools--we're all fools over some man," she exclaimed,
+pounding the pillows with her fist and working herself up to a Zazaesque
+brand of hysteria.
+
+"Mrs. F., I did not come here to listen to a dissertation on the
+sex-question nor to hold your hand while you have a fit of nerves.
+You've got to pull yourself together or I'll wash my hands of the whole
+affair. I've come all the way from New York to help you out of a nasty,
+a _dirty_ scrape. If you wish to hear what I have to say you'll stop
+that silliness and act like a full-grown woman with a modicum of
+discretion.... Your husband is apt to walk in at any moment and it may
+be well for all concerned that we arrive at some plan of defence."
+
+Her sister, who had retired to a corner of the room behind me when I sat
+down, now crossed to the bedside.
+
+"Mrs. Hartley is right, Fannie--Frank is liable to show up at any
+minute."
+
+Fannie fished for her handkerchief under the pillows and sniffed
+tearfully while her sister arranged the pillows.
+
+"Please pardon me, Mrs. Hartley; my nerves are all gone."
+
+"I have a few nerves, myself," I thought. I found myself grasping the
+arms of my chair as one sometimes does at the dentist's and my teeth
+fairly ached from the clinching of my jaws. When Mrs. F. had folded and
+dropped her hands into her lap with the air of a long-suffering woman, I
+proceeded.
+
+"Mr. Hartley and I have decided that you are my guest: that it was at my
+invitation you went to Cleveland with us and that I urged you to
+continue on the trip until your husband returned from his hunting trip.
+On your arrival here, you contracted a heavy cold which developed into
+the grippe; grippe will answer as well as anything else and is not
+sufficiently serious to call in a physician. Are you familiar with the
+symptoms of the grippe?" Mrs. F. nodded.
+
+"Very well. When you began to grow worse you telegraphed your sister."
+
+"But," interjected the sister, "that won't do; that won't hold together
+because Frank called me up on the telephone a few moments after he
+returned to Chicago and I told him I didn't know where Fannie was...." I
+stopped to think....
+
+"Then we'll have to make the telegram reach you immediately _after_ he
+telephoned and, as he disappeared so abruptly without telling even his
+office force where he was going, you have an explanation for not being
+able to reach him.... Now, about the Cleveland week: you didn't know
+that your sister had gone away because you yourself were out of town. I
+believe that really was the case, was it not?"
+
+"Quite true," replied the sister. "I was spending a few days at
+Wheaton."
+
+"Then so far, it is clear, is it not?... Mr. Hartley will take care of
+the article which appeared in the Club Window ... and if your husband
+arrives, I'll try to take care of him.... Now, ... let us think: are
+there any points we have overlooked?" There was a silence while each of
+us reviewed the situation. It was Mrs. F. who spoke first.
+
+"Suppose--suppose Frank has set detectives on my track and they find out
+that you've not been to Cleveland! O, I'm sure he'll do it! It's just
+like Frank! You don't know what a brute he can be. O, it's all very well
+to say that I am to blame--that I am in the wrong, but if you had lived
+with Frank for eight years as I have you'd understand some things--and
+not treat me as if I was a ----"
+
+"Stop that!" I felt my eyes snap with the blaze she had kindled. She
+snivelled and sobbed a bit, then relaxed into sullen silence.
+
+"If your husband _has_ employed detectives we'll have to meet the
+contingency by standing together. In other words we'll perjure ourselves
+like--perfect ladies. Mr. Hartley says--and being a man he ought to
+know--that no man would have the courage to tell me I was not telling
+the truth, even if he thought so."
+
+"We'll never get away with it--we'll never get away with it," wailed
+Mrs. F.
+
+It was the sister who spoke next.
+
+"And suppose Frank does not show up--suppose he doesn't come at all but
+waits for the detectives' report and----"
+
+"And begins action for divorce without even saying a word about it!" It
+was Madame who interjected this possibility. "Wouldn't that be just like
+him! Wouldn't that be Frank just down to the ground? Edith knows how
+cold-blooded he is, don't you, Edith? O, it's too awful! I never could
+live through such a thing! I wouldn't live! I'd kill myself--I'd throw
+myself into the lake! I'd----"
+
+"Don't you think you are wearing that threat a little threadbare?" I
+asked quietly, henceforth addressing myself to the sister.
+
+"In the event that your brother-in-law does not come or that we hear
+nothing from him, there is only one thing left: you must take your
+sister back to Chicago ... and I'll go with you...."
+
+I believe my voice petered out before I completed the sentence. The idea
+was repugnant, but was it not all revolting in the extreme? I had given
+my promise to Will to "see it through" and I intended to do so to the
+best of my ability. Mrs. F.'s sister broke my train of thought. She
+stood before me with averted eyes struggling to keep back the tears, and
+twisting her hands nervously.
+
+"Mrs. Hartley ... I don't want to appear maudlin ... but I think ... you
+understand how I feel.... It seems almost inane to say ... how much we
+... appreciate what you are doing.... For my sister's sake I thank you
+... I...."
+
+"I'm not doing it for your sister's sake"--I tried to speak gently but
+everything in me seemed to have grown hard and unyielding--"nor for my
+husband's sake; neither for my own; I've got a boy--a son ... and there
+are two little girls...."
+
+A volley of sobs smote our ears and shook the bed.
+
+"My poor babies! The poor darlings!... I wish they had never been born!"
+...
+
+"It's too bad you didn't think of them before, Fannie," her sister
+answered caustically. It was the first expression of censure she had
+voiced. Mrs. F. bounced to a sitting position: yes, _bounced_ is the
+only adequate description. Grief had made a quick shift to anger. She
+glared at her sister.
+
+"So you've turned against me, too, have you? I might have expected it:
+that's the gratitude you feel for all I've done for you. Where would you
+be if it were not for me?--you'd be pounding somebody's typewriter for
+five dollars a week! This is the thanks I get for sacrificing myself for
+the whole family! Every one of them will blame me for the whole
+business. What right have you to judge? How does anybody know what I've
+suffered for years living with that man?... literally starving for
+affection, ... he never took the trouble to understand my temperament
+... he neglected me, he----"
+
+"Hah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-" ... It was my turn to indulge in hysteria, only
+mine was of the laughing variety: I laughed until the tears came--until
+I sank back from sheer exhaustion. From their expression Madame and her
+sister thought I had gone suddenly mad.
+
+"What are you laughing at?" she snapped, glaring at me with suppressed
+rage.
+
+"My dear," I responded feebly, "my dear, don't you realize what an awful
+old chestnut that neglected wife story is? Mr. Hartley says they all use
+it ... it is the cardinal excuse, the subterfuge all married women
+resort to, to justify their own infidelities."
+
+"Did--did Mr. Hartley intimate----?"
+
+"O, no! Mr. Hartley betrayed none of your confidences ... but, tell me
+honestly ..."--I leaned forward and clasped my knees to better
+accentuate my words--"do you really expect a man of the world to believe
+that--or care whether you are neglected or not? You know that men gossip
+and bandy women's names about their clubs--not in so many damning words,
+but with a knowing wink, a shrug of the shoulder, this head-shake, or,
+'by pronouncing some doubtful phrase ... or such ambiguous giving out'
+... my dear ... I have a rare collection of mash-notes which my
+actor-husband has from time to time tossed laughingly into my lap. Their
+character varies like the colour of the paper on which they are
+written. There is the white, the pale blue, and several shades of
+lavender.... The actor's world is full of lavender ladies of the Bovary
+type: the wonder of it is that so many of them 'get away with it' as you
+have so elegantly expressed it. Suppose _you_ don't get away with it ...
+suppose your husband divorces you ... what will become of you? How will
+you live? You're not equipped to make your own living. You couldn't even
+typewrite--like your sister. Suppose I were to divorce my husband,
+naming you as co-respondent: do you flatter yourself he would marry you?
+And let us assume that he did: How long do you think it would last? He
+is a poor man. His profession is a purely speculative one. His income is
+assured for only two weeks at a time, except in rare instances. He
+couldn't give you the jewels, the furs, the motors and the luxuries you
+now enjoy. How long do you believe your mad passion would endure,
+stripped of little appurtenances like wine suppers and suites of rooms
+in the best hotels?... Perhaps you'd become an actress like so many
+women who look on the stage as an open sesame to a life of
+immorality.... Like so many women with a screw loose in their moral
+machinery ... no, don't you say a word! This is my scene--and I am going
+to hold the centre of the stage for once in my career!... I know your
+kind, mi-lady.... You belong to that great class of over-fed and
+under-bred women who make life so hard for the rest of their sex. You're
+one of the wasters; you waste what does not rightfully belong to you;
+what you usurp in your greediness, in your pandering to your vanities,
+in your compromise with your better instincts, in your connivance with
+the very devil who finds some mischief still for idle hands to do! You
+stimulate your passions with alcohol and mistake the fumes for love! You
+haven't the courage to come out and be a genuine prostitute, but you ply
+the trade in the rôle of an adulteress. For God's sake, wake up! Look
+yourself in the eyes before it is too late! If you have no self-respect,
+no respect for your sex, try at least to respect the rights of those
+little souls you've brought into the world without their asking. O, yes,
+cry!... Crocodile tears and alcoholic drool!... It's a mistake to
+believe that all women have the maternal instinct ... so have female
+cats and dogs--and rabbits." ...
+
+I had risen as my fury sought to master me. I stood beside the bed
+looking down at her ... making an ineffectual last-ditch fight for my
+self-control. Something about the woman ... the very quality of her
+night-dress--the heavily jewelled fingers--maddened me. The poison
+coursed through my veins like quick-silver ... once before in my life I
+had felt it ... before my boy was born ... _then_ I had succumbed to a
+desire to wreak physical vengeance ... the same madness seized me now
+... I saw her shrink from me....
+
+"O, you--_you_ ----!"
+
+... I didn't say it; I caught myself in time. The blood stained my face
+with shame--shame with the very coarseness of the thought; shame with
+the whole revolting situation. Was I, too, become impregnated with the
+corroding influence of my environment? I turned and walked toward the
+door. As I reached for the knob, it opened and some one entered
+abruptly. I jumped aside to avoid being struck.
+
+I knew who he was though I had never seen him before. The next moment I
+had reached for his hand and grasped it impulsively, at the same time
+laying a warning finger on my lips and indicating the bed.
+
+"O, Mr. F., you don't know how glad I am to see you. We've been worried
+to death ... she's asleep now, after the most racking night ... do you
+mind not waking her for the present?... of course if you'd rather ..." I
+waited while he looked at the figure of his wife, lying helpless with
+her face to the wall, while his eyes roved to question those of the
+sister, then back to mine with the single word:
+
+"Sick?... How long has she been sick?"
+
+"Ever since we arrived here; it's the grippe, I think, though we
+couldn't induce her to see a doctor. She's been so upset at not hearing
+from you.... Do you mind stepping into the hall where we can talk more
+freely without danger of disturbing her?... Edith will call us if she
+awakens, won't you, Edith?" ...
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Edith did not call. The hall was draughty; I managed a sneeze. Mr. F.
+suggested that we go down to the grill and have a drink. In the elevator
+I saw him glance furtively at me.... I was humming softly to myself. I
+watched his eyes in the mirror; they had a confused look not unmixed
+with suspicion. Not until after the second cocktail did he thaw a bit.
+He asked me whether I had dined. I told him I had not. After he had
+ordered, he leaned back in his chair and gave me a penetrating look. I
+met his eyes and smiled a little.
+
+"You look tired," I said.
+
+"I am--rather. These sleeper jumps take it out of a fellow."
+
+"They surely do ... and I presume you've been worried to death about
+Fannie." The name slipped glibly from my lips. He shot me a quick glance
+which told me the familiar use of his wife's name had been effective. He
+shifted uneasily in his seat as he answered.
+
+"Well, yes----"
+
+"We have been fairly living on the long distance telephone trying to
+reach you. What on earth was the trouble? Edith received Fannie's
+telegram a minute after you called her up and when she tried to reach
+you--well, she couldn't, that's all...."
+
+"There was something the matter with the connection ... it's been off
+for several days ..." he replied.
+
+"Of course we could have telegraphed but we didn't want to alarm you," I
+went on, meeting his own brave lie with another. "As a matter of fact I
+think we all were more scared than hurt. Fannie had had a cold while we
+were still in Chicago--that's a trying climate in the winter. Then when
+we reached Cleveland, there wasn't much of an improvement in the matter
+of weather and I felt a bit guilty in having urged her to go with us." I
+toyed with, the celery and wiped off imaginary soot.
+
+"Were you in Cleveland?"
+
+I looked up at him in mild surprise.
+
+"Why, of course. It was at my invitation that Fannie accompanied us. She
+was bored to death in Chicago ... it must be deadly monotonous--this
+same routine day after day ... the same faces and nothing new to talk
+about.... You know--you know if you were my husband I shouldn't let you
+run away on hunting trips and leave me behind.... I don't think you men
+realize how stupid it becomes with no change of menu--as it were...."
+
+I reproved him with a smile. For the first time his eyes sent back a
+glint of warmth.
+
+"How long have you known Fannie? It's odd that I've never--had the
+pleasure of meeting you before." (The pleasure was an after-thought.)
+
+"O ... I've known Fannie for ... let me see ... nearly three years...."
+(I made a mental note of this for "Fannie's" benefit.) "We met when Will
+played Chicago two seasons since. We took quite a fancy to each other,
+and last winter when she came to New York we went about together and
+became quite good friends.... I presume you were away on one of your
+hunting trips last winter ... naughty sir ... that's the reason I didn't
+meet you.... This trip I brought Boy to Chicago.... You haven't seen my
+young son, have you? You must make his acquaintance to-morrow. We're
+most awfully vain about him ... think he's the only boy in the world. I
+suppose you feel that way about your little girls ... they _are_
+beauties. They've got your eyes, though they have inherited Fannie's
+regular features...."
+
+Would my tongue never stop wagging? What manner of woman had I suddenly
+become? I did not recognize myself. Was it a case of self-hypnosis and
+was I really feeling the interest and friendliness I pretended? He was
+not precisely an Adonis; there was something rough, almost uncouth,
+about him in spite of the veneer his money had brought. But there was a
+kindliness, a wholesouledness that made itself felt. Under any other
+conditions I should have liked him.... I saw him look at his watch.
+
+"What time is it?... The performance will soon be over and Mr. Hartley
+will wonder where I am.... Wouldn't he be surprised to walk in here and
+see me dining with a strange man?... I hope you're not afraid of getting
+yourself talked about...."
+
+"No, I guess not," he laughed back. I was silent for a time, while I
+wrestled with the breast of a squab. I felt his eyes upon me. When I
+looked at him I saw that he was revolving something in his mind, and I
+sensed the subject. I gave him time to think it over. After a while I
+leaned back in my chair.
+
+"I'm sorry to confess it, but I'm beginning to feel a bit tired," I
+sighed. "Even your genial presence will not keep my eyes open much
+longer.... Edith I'm sure is feeling the strain, too. Well, we'll all
+sleep better to-night--after our worry. 'All's well that ends well'--and
+that reminds me--my husband and I were admiring a set of Shakespeare you
+have in your library."
+
+"Um--yes; I remember it. I bought it for the binding. Don't believe I
+ever saw the inside of it...." He freshened my glass of wine.
+
+"You're not much of a drinker, are you?"
+
+"Haven't got brains enough to stand it," I answered flippantly.
+
+He laughed; it had a true ring to it.
+
+The game was in my hands.
+
+"I guess you mean you've got brains enough to _with_stand it."
+
+Would the dinner never come to an end? I thought. My body seemed to grow
+old with the minutes. At last the waiter cleared the table. When he had
+gone for a liqueur, Mr. F. took some letters from his pocket. From the
+packet he selected a piece of printed matter. He laid it face down upon
+the table while he replaced the letters. Then he looked at me, drumming
+with his fingers over the spot where the clipping lay. The waiter
+returned. Mr. F. drained the cognac glass and called for another. While
+it was being brought he folded his arms upon the table and leaned toward
+me.
+
+"I wonder whether I'd better show you something...."
+
+I assumed the same attitude; it was conducive to confidence.
+
+"Show me what?"
+
+His drumming became louder.
+
+"No, I guess I won't!" ...
+
+"Now, I call that unkind--to pique my curiosity and leave me suspended
+in mid-air."
+
+He folded the clipping and rattled it between his fingers.
+
+"Is that what you were going to show me? Wait a moment." ... I leaned
+toward him to better examine the paper, then relaxed against the back of
+the chair and smiled.
+
+"I think I know what it is.... Will you lay me a wager? What will you
+wager that I can guess what that paper is the very first time?"
+
+He sprawled and tilted back his chair good-naturedly.
+
+"O, I'll bet you a box of candy or a bunch of violets."
+
+"A five-pound box of candy--I don't like violets. Agreed?"
+
+He nodded.
+
+"It's a clipping from the Club Window...."
+
+"Then you've seen it?"
+
+"Of course I've seen it, silly man--hasn't everybody seen it? And wasn't
+my Willy furiously angry? He wanted to take the first train back to
+Chicago and clear out the whole establishment. It was all Fannie and I
+could do to calm him.... He said he was going to see you about it
+because he thought you and he should get together and take some kind of
+action against the slanderous sheet. I tell him he's foolish to pay any
+attention to it; just let it die of inanition. Don't you think so?"
+
+"Well, I was a little upset myself when I read it. I didn't know what
+the devil to think...."
+
+"Well, I know you've got too much sense to believe anything wrong about
+your wife.... I can appreciate how you and Will feel about it and that
+you'd like to make them retract--but--isn't it best to ignore it?--so
+long as _we_ know it's a malicious lie.... It's a shocking thing the way
+the press in this country construes license for freedom.... The libel
+laws are wholly inadequate. They manage that sort of thing much better
+in England.... There are so many evil-minded people in the world--don't
+you find it so?"
+
+"Well, I confess, there's always somebody hanging around anxious to
+disseminate gossip, though I've never observed any of them helping along
+the nice things you hear."
+
+"Now that we are on the subject, I'll tell you how this happened; the
+woman who concocted that libellous attack is an ugly perverted
+creature--she must be perverted or she would not be earning her
+livelihood in such a questionable way, don't you think so? Several years
+ago when she met my husband she volunteered to write some nice little
+personalia about him. He wasn't as well known then as now and every
+little bit helps, you know.... Well, Will kept up a desultory
+acquaintance with the woman and saw her from time to time. She was in
+New York when Fannie was there last winter, by the way. I don't know
+just how it came about, but the spinster scribbler developed a jealous
+streak and upbraided Will for being ungrateful for all she had done for
+him. I'm sure she could not have done a great deal for anyone in a
+wretched paper like the Club Window. To tell you the truth she was
+infatuated with Will. To use his own words--she made a play for him and
+he threw her down hard! Mr. Hartley is not given to that sort of
+thing--and if he were--you may be sure I should have something to say
+about it." I nodded sententiously.
+
+"Yes, I guess you'd make it pretty warm for any poacher on your
+preserves!" We both laughed. I believe I even jerked my head pertly to
+mark my cocksureness. And, as I turned away, my eyes settled upon Will.
+He was standing in the doorway, evidently having just entered, since he
+still wore his overcoat and carried his hat in his hand. I half-rose. My
+host followed my move.
+
+"It's Will--it's Mr. Hartley ... come in, Will...." I beckoned to him
+and stole a glance at Mr. F. No, there was no hesitation on his part. He
+rose and crossed to meet Will with outstretched hand. My hand shook so
+that I could hardly raise the wine glass to my lips. I drained the last
+drop and sank into my chair. The game was won....
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+It was nearly an hour later when I rose to leave the table. Will had
+eaten the supper which Mr. F. had insisted upon ordering and they were
+still calling for wine. I had steered the conversation clear of the
+perilous rocks and felt that I could now safely leave the two men
+together. They rose with me.
+
+"I'm sorry to leave such delightful company--I believe I said something
+like that an hour ago, did I not, Mr. F.?... I want to drop in on Edith
+and make my peace with her. I fear she'll feel neglected. If you require
+my services during the night please don't hesitate to ring me up, though
+I feel sure Fannie will be ever so much better now that you've arrived.
+I presume you two gentlemen want to talk things over--that wretched
+slander, I mean--only--" and at this point I assumed a mock-serious
+attitude--"don't do anything until you hear from me, will you?... Now,
+please don't move.... I'll find my way.... Good-night, sir ... and don't
+forget that you owe me five pounds of the best candy in Cincinnati."
+
+When I reached Mrs. F.'s room, her sister had already opened the door.
+She had heard the elevator stop and was waiting. The girl's face was
+drawn and the circles under the eyes had deepened. Mrs. F., too, showed
+the strain of waiting.
+
+"Mr. F. and my husband are downstairs; they were exchanging funny
+stories when I left ... there will be no pistols--nor a divorce on this
+count ... now, if you have another spell of hysterics I think I shall
+kill you.... Edith ... we had better begin calling each other 'dearie'
+and that sort of thing to accustom ourselves, for we've known each other
+three years ... please repeat it after me so that you won't forget
+it.... Edith, should you mind pouring me a dose of Fannie's valerian?...
+I think I took a wee drop too much ... my teeth are fairly chattering
+... now let me think.... I'll begin at the moment we left the room
+together ... please don't interrupt unless there is something you do not
+grasp ... he may come at any moment...."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I went to the telephone directly I entered my room and called for the
+room clerk. I told him I wanted another room on the same floor. While I
+waited for the bell-boy to bring the key I wrote a note and pinned it on
+the mirror where it would attract Will's attention. "I have gone to
+another room. Don't disturb me, please. We'll talk it over to-morrow."
+
+When I had turned the key in the lock and had surveyed my own domain I
+felt strangely light in the head. I opened a window and mechanically
+arranged my toilet articles. Then I disrobed, unpinned my hair and
+cleansed my face with cold cream. At least, I _assume_ that I did all
+these, for the next day, when I awoke to consciousness, everything was
+in place, my hair was braided in two pig-tails, and my face still
+showed traces of cold cream. From the moment I had locked myself in I
+had no recollection of what followed. The doctor called it "syncope."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV
+
+
+         "St. Louis, Mo., March 10th.
+
+     "Darling Girl:
+
+     "I am taking for granted that you arrived safely. There has been no
+     word from you since you returned home a week since. I hope you
+     found the apartment in good shape and that things did not suffer
+     too much wear and tear at the hands of our late tenants.
+
+     "Just as I predicted, the folks were much disappointed at not
+     seeing you here. There was a regular family reunion. Grandma Murray
+     came on from Indianapolis and two of my paternal aunts all the way
+     from Kansas. As none of the relatives has ever seen Boy you may
+     imagine how disappointed they were. However, it couldn't be helped.
+     Naturally I did not tell them that you had been to Cincinnati. I
+     let them infer that you were not sufficiently recovered from the
+     effects of your recent operation to permit your making the trip. I
+     fully appreciate the state of your nerves and that a relapse was
+     inevitable; just the same I think you should write me and keep me
+     informed of your condition. Take it quietly for a few weeks and
+     you'll come out all right. Don't let that Cincinnati affair prey on
+     your mind: a little later when your health is better, you won't
+     take it so seriously. Now don't jump at the conclusion that I
+     don't appreciate the way you played up, or the narrow escape I have
+     had. You may feel sure that sort of thing will never happen again.
+     And that reminds me: I had a letter from Mr. F. saying he had
+     consulted his lawyer about taking action against the Club Window
+     and had been advised to let the matter drop. (_Requiescat in
+     pace!_) He wished to be remembered to you.
+
+     "The weather is depressing. I'm not feeling up to my standard. I
+     suspect I have been eating too much and exercising too little.
+     Well, Girlie, the train leaves in an hour and I have still some
+     odds and ends to look after. I enclose our route to follow Kansas
+     City. Now write me at once or I shall begin to worry about you. A
+     bunch of kisses to Boy from his Dad, reserving all you want for
+     yourself, of course.
+
+    "With all my love,
+
+    "Your devoted husband,
+
+        "WILL."
+
+This letter was a week old. I had made several attempts to answer it but
+all had ended in the waste-basket. Following my home-coming, I had been
+glad to lie quietly in bed in obedience to the doctor's orders. A heavy
+inertia lay upon me. My nights were an amorphous jumble of improbable
+situations; I awoke of mornings with a nausea at heart. My mind was
+furred with unpleasant memories. It revolved in circles. The more I
+thought the faster it whirled, resulting in complete confusion. Inner
+adjustment seemed impossible. I realized in a hazy way that I must
+arouse myself or fall a prey to melancholia. Even Boy's laughter as it
+was wafted to me from another room unleashed a thousand apprehensions.
+The effulgence his being had shed into my life was now dimmed by fears
+for his future. Should I be able to steer his craft, even launch it
+safely, _preparedly_ on the turbulent sea of life? It was, probably, in
+the very nature of things that I should exclude my husband from any
+participation in my plans for the child. A fierce, almost a defiant,
+sense of proprietary right began to assert itself in relation to our
+son. The inertia gave way to a state of turbulence, which burned like a
+consuming fever. To Will's numerous letters and enquiries I at last
+responded by telegraph, "All well," I said.
+
+One day there came a bulky envelope addressed in Will's handwriting. It
+enclosed a letter from John Gailbraith, the sculptor, who was still in
+Paris. Across the top Will had written: "This will interest you." Under
+separate cover came a package of photographs, reproductions of the
+colossal work he had recently completed for the Spring Exhibition at the
+Salon.
+
+     "I have great hopes for this," he wrote. "(Hope is always
+     promise-crammed, isn't it?) You will see that I have called it
+     'Super-Creation.' It was conceived like a lightning flash but the
+     working out, the compelling cold, hard stone to express clearly
+     what I intended to convey is the result of a dogged grind of nearly
+     three years' incessant toil. Have I succeeded, do you think? Of
+     course you have not seen the original, but the photographs are
+     excellent work, having been taken at various angles and positions
+     and under my supervision. You will observe that the work is--well,
+     nothing short of monumental will express it. And, unless a
+     government or an institution is moved to buy it, I shall probably
+     have to build a house around it! However, I'm not discouraged
+     though I've gone in debt for years to come and mortgaged almost my
+     soul in order to get the wherewithal to complete the work. I
+     suppose this is what you call 'the artistic temperament.' But I
+     simply had to do it--I had to get it out of my system and in doing
+     so I feel that I have lived up to the best that was in me. After
+     all there is some consolation in the thought that one _has_ lived
+     up to one's best instincts. How goes your own work? And your
+     missus? Ask her to write me and tell me without circumlocution what
+     she thinks of my effort, especially the conception on the whole. I
+     should like to have discussed it with her and to have had her
+     opinion in the making. Over here one gets only the one-sided
+     opinion of one's confrères or the unimaginative view-point of a few
+     moneyed Americans who want names (_BIG TYPE_) to fill up the bare
+     wall-spaces.... I should like to ask your wife whether she is
+     pursuing her work in earnest or whether like so many lady
+     _dilettantes_ she is only amusing herself.... How I should like to
+     see you both here this coming summer! Is it not possible? I'll turn
+     over my ménage to you if that is an inducement. Let me hear from
+     you soon and send me the latest picture of the son and heir.
+
+     "Yours fraternally,
+
+         "J. G."
+
+I had thrilled at the mere suggestion of a trip abroad but relegated the
+thought to a background of remote probabilities and gave myself up to an
+eager contemplation of the photographic reproductions of the sculptor's
+work. Following the numbers indicated on the back of each, I arranged
+the photographs consecutively across the wall.
+
+The form appeared to be a kind of spiral, each step or incline complete
+in itself yet suggesting a connecting thread. At first glance I was
+struck with the multiplicity of figures, all nearly life size. But as my
+eagerness gave way to soberer perspective, something I had overlooked
+now asserted itself: _In the score of characters represented there were
+but two faces--that of one man and one woman!_ That is to say, the two
+faces were reproduced ... yet ... or did one's fancy play at tricks?...
+I applied the magnifying glass.... Yes, there were but two faces, both
+repeatedly used by the artist, but with what wondrous and illuminating
+difference! Starting from the left and lowest plane--symbolic of the
+theme--there was embodied in the figures of the man and maid the lowest
+form of love.... The youthful prettiness of the girl, the soft roundness
+of her form, the maiden breast ... all these but accentuated the
+undeveloped soul. Her very attitude, the abandon as she lay smiling,
+half-hid amongst the leaves and blooms ... here, indeed, was "a parley
+to provocation." ... Above her towered the figure of a man. In his
+spare, sinewy form, conscient of its strength, vibrant with sex, the
+young male was epitomized.... "Instinct" need not be carved across the
+base.... Instinct, the first and lowest form of love.
+
+From the grassy knoll the path ascended to a rocky promontory, bleak,
+arid. Straining 'gainst the fury of the storm, the man and woman
+climbed; his muscles tense, confusion limned upon his face; the woman,
+crouching in her fright, hiding her face in her wind-tossed hair; while
+underfoot they trampled on a mask, the leering mask of former self ...
+and, riding on the wind, half cloud, half god, a phantom with veiled
+face laid on the lash.... Confusion.... Chaos....
+
+The path led on and up through thorny underbrush; a parched earth; the
+cactus plant; some blanched bones, a horned toad. He stood apart with
+sullen mien; his features thick and brutalized; his muscles lax and
+loose, as if impotent rage had yielded to dumb apathy. The woman, lying
+prone, distorted with revolt and fright, seeking to shut out from view
+the hideous deformity at her breast--half man, half beast; its clenched
+fists, contorted legs raised to rebel; the grotesque mask miming its own
+despair. And in the background, poised on abyss-edge, a Hecate band
+whirled in orgy-dance.... Where is the tutelary goddess now--the Better
+Self, the Soul of Things? And even as I asked I followed in the path
+which, still inclining, reached a broad plateau. In the foreground, the
+man--gaunt and grim--the grimness of despair; his muscles knotted, his
+horny hands, the poised axe. Through the matted woods a skulking
+wolf.... Beyond, the woman; haggard of face, drawn with fatigue; no
+longer full and round of form. Dropping seeds on fresh-tilled earth; a
+living burden on her back; around her neck two chubby arms. And at the
+entrance to the cave, half blended with the rocks, the Inscrutable One
+stood guard.... "The Will to Live" was written here....
+
+The path winds on, steeper, more tortuous still; by cliffs, abyss,
+_impasse_, bald peaks, the Mount is reached ... and here they rest....
+Like complements they stand, hand clasping hand, looking out and beyond;
+serene of brow, though scarred with age. An august peace, the harvest
+yield. A straight firm youth hangs on his mother's arm ... and in that
+life is blent the best of both--the purpose of the race. The mantle of
+the clouds half moulds a form; the hands reach forth to stroke their
+eyes.... It is _the awakening_....
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV
+
+
+When Experience came in some time later, bringing a cup of chicken
+broth, she found me at my writing desk. Commenting on my flushed cheeks,
+she urged me back to bed. But a feverish energy had seized upon me: to
+work, to accomplish, to be independent of another's maintenance. There
+was a prescience that in the not far distant future I should have need
+of such resource, materially and spiritually. I shook off the foreboding
+as a connotation of my physical condition. To take my place in the
+world's work was the grandiose euphemism with which I lulled my
+uneasiness. That same night I unearthed my working kit from the closet
+in which it had been stored. One of the rooms of our apartment bearing
+the honorary title of "boudoir" had a southern exposure, and, as we were
+on the first floor nearest heaven, the light was good even on gloomy
+days, which abounded at this season of the year. I shall never forget
+the sense of exhilaration with which I cleared the decks for action. It
+was as if some great force had breathed the vital impetus into my
+nostrils. When I had donned my brown overall-apron I paused and inhaled,
+deep and long. It was the first free breath I had drawn for weeks.
+
+In reviewing the busts I had made of Boy while he was still a baby I was
+struck with the child's likeness to his father. Even Experience
+commented on it. I set to modelling other heads. Inspired by the example
+of our sculptor friend I essayed studies in expression. Boy, in a
+laughing mood; Boy, crying; sulking, in a temper; Boy asleep, his head
+pillowed on Snyder--Snyder, now so altered and disfigured by painless
+surgery at the hands of Experience as to be hardly recognizable. From
+the face and head I turned to a study of the hands. It had always
+appeared to me that there was more of the real character written in the
+human hand than in any other feature of the human form. I studied,
+absorbingly, the expression the artist had portrayed in the hands of the
+Inscrutable One as they emerged from the cloud-like drapery in the final
+grouping on the Mount. Strength, firmness, a certain largeness and
+benignity and withal a caressing tenderness.... It pleased and
+surprised me to observe, how, with each new effort, the clay responded
+more readily to my touch. Sometimes I made experiments with modelling
+wax; a pinch here, a pressure there and the whole expression changed.
+
+When my touch had mastered a certain sureness and deftness I planned a
+nude of Boy with the idea of later executing it in marble. I worked
+unceasingly; a relentless energy urged me on--to what purpose it never
+suggested itself to enquire. In my ardour I hardly paused to eat. But,
+conception is one thing; execution another. I began to understand the
+"dogged grind" the sculptor had spoken of. A kind of despair flagged my
+spirit. At such times I dragged myself out of doors. Sometimes Boy would
+accompany me on these walks, but for the greater part I went alone. I
+liked the overcast, drizzly days best. There was a quiet, a solace, in
+the unfrequented paths and woodsy corners of the upper boundaries of the
+Park. I spent hours sitting upon the rocks feeding the friendly
+squirrels, or tramping in the leaf-mouldy tangle. And by degrees my
+spirit yielded to the balm of solitude. Once again life fell into a
+groove. I told myself I had reached a readjustment of my life. For
+Boy's sake, if for no other, my husband and I should go on together. The
+fact that I still loved my husband I placed as a parenthetic
+consideration, in my plans. Boy was the capstone of our married life.
+Having brought him into the world without the desire or power of
+selection on his part, obviously our first duty was to the child.
+"Honour thy father and thy mother" had always appeared to me in dire
+need of amendment. Why honour parents who are not qualified to command
+either respect or affection? "Be fruitful and multiply": whether saint
+or sinner, breed! breed! breed! Paugh! When will a Wise Prophet arise to
+reveal a doctrine of eugenics?--to preach that _quality, not quantity_,
+makes for the betterment of a race--that to be well born is the rightful
+heritage of the unborn....
+
+With the resolution to write my husband out of the fullness of my
+convictions I hurried homeward. The wind had shifted, and sharp bits of
+sleet cut against my face. Hearing me come in, Experience had brought me
+a cup of tea. I smiled at the ginger-bread dogs--all replicas of
+Snyder--which she told me she had made with the hope of amusing Boy. He
+had been querulous and quite unlike his happy self; she feared he was
+not well, though at this moment he was sleeping quietly. I tip-toed into
+his room and, discerning no unnatural symptoms, I left him undisturbed.
+
+The letter written, I gave myself up to the quiet hour: it was dusk, and
+with night a soothing hush seemed to pervade the activities of man. In
+the shadows of the room the whiteness of the plaster casts gleamed like
+tombstones, the lonely sentinels of the dead. I recall I shuddered at
+the thought and forthwith switched on the light. Once in every little
+while I looked in upon my Boy. When at last he opened his eyes and
+smiled at me, I hugged him to my breast with such vehemence as to make
+him cry out. His bedtime bath had always been the signal for a romp.
+To-night, however, he seemed disinclined to play. A hot dryness of his
+skin caused me to take his temperature. I found nothing disquieting in
+the slight rise, and in response to his mood I lay down beside him to
+wait for the sand-man. All night he tossed. In the morning the
+temperature had risen to an alarming degree. I sent for the doctor. He
+came twice during the day. In the night Boy was seized with a
+convulsion. When the doctor arrived in answer to a summons by
+telephone, he looked grave. Something clutched about my heart. It was
+with almost superhuman effort I framed the words.... "Shall I ... send
+for his father?..." The doctor nodded. "How long will it take him to get
+here?" he said....
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI
+
+
+In a driving rain, under a weeping sky, we followed the little white
+casket to the grave--the three of us. There, in the presence of only the
+mole-faced grave-diggers and the man of professional black, we yielded
+him up. Experience had asked, with a kind of awe, whether she should
+call in a minister. I could have shrieked at the mere suggestion! A
+minister? On what pretence? To mumble platitudinous euphemisms, worn
+thread-bare from usage--to essay to comfort me with specious consolation
+ground out like a gramophone: "Be brave, my child! He has gone to a
+better world," or "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away," or, again,
+"You are not alone in your affliction; other mothers have suffered their
+dear ones to be removed," et cetera, et cetera. Words! Words! Words!...
+
+As they lowered him in the grave, his father held me close and, in a
+voice tremulous with tears, he quoted reverently: "And from his fair
+and unpolluted flesh may violets spring." ... And when the earth thud
+harshly 'gainst the coffin lid, closing him away forever ... never again
+to hold him in my arms--never again to feel his cheek on mine.... O,
+Death! your sting lies buried in the hearts of those who stay behind ...
+and then to leave him there ... alone ... in the heavy silence of the
+dead ... so cold ... all unresisting, his roguish laughter hushed ...
+his lips, once red, now blue and drawn ... the wax-like lids shadowed
+with heavy fringe ... my Boy ... my Boy ... whose coming we had
+deplored, whose little life had so entwined itself about my heart as
+made a part of me--the better part.... Well ... he had not tarried
+long.... Boy ... _Boy_....
+
+In the overwhelming grief which had come to me, life appeared a void; a
+vacuous, heavy-footed thing, with moments of suspended thought, a
+merciful numbness of despair, a sound, a familiar sight, a rush of
+memory, a freshet of tears, each overlapped the other, so fast they
+followed. One of the unpardonable and most resented slights to those in
+affliction is the even tenor with which the world wags on its way,
+callous and indifferent. One would have it stop, take heed, upheave....
+So, when Will announced that it were expedient to rejoin his company
+almost immediately I felt a sacrilege was about to be committed. His
+rôle was being played by an understudy, who, after the manner of
+understudies, was neither prepared nor equal to the emergency which had
+suddenly confronted him. Will urged me to accompany him, pointing out
+that to remain in the apartment alone with ever-present reminders of my
+loss were to nurse my grief and keep the wound always fresh
+
+    "Unnumbered cords, frail strands full fraught with pain,
+    That join the soul to things of time and sense."
+
+The thought of leaving all that held the nearness of his spirit was
+repugnant to me. I wanted to be alone with my grief. Gradually I came to
+realize that it was for the best. Experience, too--simple, honest
+soul--was shaken by the suddenness and swiftness of our loss. I decided
+to send her to her home for a rest and change of scene. After all, what
+did it matter where I went?... Boy was not there....
+
+The season dragged by, drab and comfortless. Will's devotion to me was
+the only ray of light in the murkiness of my spirit. Our common grief
+had bridged the gulf between us. All the gentleness, the tenderness in
+his nature seemed to revive. He never left me to accept invitations in
+which he knew I could not share; something like the old camaraderie was
+restored between us. I found a kind of balm in the thought that, if the
+death of my son had been the means of bringing my husband and me closer
+together, the sacrifice had not been in vain--and yet--and yet ... in
+the inner consciousness of my heart I knew the truth: had I been called
+upon to choose, the sacrifice had not been Boy. Truly, life is a
+continuous compromise.
+
+The season ended, we returned to New York. Because we could not afford
+to move--there being the usual deficit in the family budget--we opened
+the apartment. To dwell upon the resurging pain which the reminders in
+my home undammed were to make fetish of my grief. Neither did I ask
+Experience to return. She, too, belonged to the past of things.
+
+Will had determined to leave his present management and seek new fields.
+The company for the next season was to be curtailed and the cast
+cheapened, an extended tour of one-night stands. The summer was passed
+in New York, and luckily, except for periodic waves of tropical heat,
+the weather was not unendurable. Will spent a goodly part of his time at
+the Lambs' Club, where he said he kept in touch with the activities of
+the managerial world. The season promised to be backward. Plans appeared
+to be slow of consummation. The tedium began to tell on Will's nerves
+and his temper, especially when he found himself suspended from the
+Lambs for non-payment of dues. None of his colleagues came to his
+rescue. That the theatrical profession is a fraternal organization is
+another of those popular fallacies. There can be no spirit of fraternity
+in an overcrowded profession.
+
+It became expedient that Will appeal to his father for financial
+assistance, a resort which he postponed as long as possible, since the
+old gentleman invariably accompanied his grudging remittances with
+advice, censure and no little contumely. Will could not understand why
+he was not "snapped up" at once, so he expressed it. He had made good in
+his last engagement, had kept himself well advertised (_vide_ the
+press-agent) and it would appear that, as a natural sequence, his
+services should be in demand. He commented on the statement made by
+several managers, viz.: they had nothing in his line. It was evident
+that in making a pronounced success in a certain _genre_ of plays he had
+become identified with the one type of hero and the managers could "see"
+him in no other. Managers are, with rare exceptions, an unimaginative
+lot. In no other way can one explain the deluge of plays patterned on
+the same type: for example, let a manager by hit or miss produce
+successfully a play built around the Far West, immediately there spring
+up a dozen of the ilk. Or, again, let a play of farcical construction
+score a hit; the public is immediately surfeited with a run of farces.
+So with the actor. Let him once become identified with heroes of
+romantic drama and the manager fears to entrust him with the dress-suit
+rôle, and vice versa.
+
+More and more I was impressed with the ephemeral quality of the actor's
+success. At best the actor's is an aleatory profession and, as in all
+games of chance, the losses score highest.
+
+It was well along in the autumn when Will signed and immediately began
+rehearsals. The star was a petulant little lady who, by grace of her
+marriage with a manager, had been hoisted to her present position, a
+position to which she was not equal either by training, personality or
+talent. For several seasons the husband-manager had invested--and
+lost--large sums of money in the attempt to build up a following for his
+wife. The present venture was a kind of last straw. That there was more
+or less "feeling" between the couple was evinced by their frequent
+_passages d'armes_ of a personal nature, at rehearsals. Accustomed as he
+was to the thoroughness of the stage-management under which he had
+worked during the past two seasons, Will found the hit and miss methods
+of his new affiliation disconcerting and irritating. In addition to
+this, the husband-manager-director had a picturesque if not a literate
+command of the language. He was in the habit of standing in the centre
+aisle or at the back of the theatre and shouting his directions to the
+members on the stage. When, as sometimes happened, a member resented the
+manager's method of criticism in no uncertain terms, that personage
+would back down and with tearful, if blasphemous, appeal explain
+himself. On opening nights, in response to the persistent calls from the
+claque, the manager reluctantly (!) appeared before the curtain to bow
+his acknowledgment--in shirt sleeves--his air of exhaustion contrasting
+sharply with his jaws which worked a piece of chewing-gum like a
+ticket-chopper in rush hours. It would seem that the vanity of actors is
+not an exclusive attribute.
+
+The metropolitan reception of the play and star was not one of
+unmitigated joy. The husband-manager, not liking the opinions of the
+press, talked back both in print and from the stage. Two ghastly weeks
+in New York, playing to a papered house or empty seats, and the company
+took to the coal regions. Another fortnight was spent sparring for open
+time, reluctantly doled out to the weak, and the company gave up the
+ghost. Obviously Will had entered upon a cycle of bad luck. I took upon
+myself to look for an engagement. Not only on account of the material
+consideration, but because the emptiness and loneliness of my life had
+become no longer endurable. Self-imposed tasks palled. My mind refused
+to concentrate upon the line of study I had outlined. "And thus the
+native hue of resolution is sickled o'er with the pale cast of thought."
+The career I once planned for myself had been consigned to the dump
+heap of lost illusions. I could not touch the clay which once had
+thrilled me with ambition.
+
+Will went about with me on my visits to various managers. He encouraged
+me in my intention and I was glad to interest him, to take him out of
+himself, as it were. His run of hard luck had preyed on his nerves and
+frayed his temper. There was reason for me to suspect he was drinking
+more than was good for him. Finally there came an offer of a small part
+in a musical comedy which had settled down for a run in New York. The
+fact that I was possessed of no great amount of vocal equipment did not
+preclude me from the field. The manager intimated that what I lacked in
+voice I made up in pulchritude, though I recall he referred to it as
+"shape." The salary was to be thirty-five dollars a week. The gowns were
+furnished--those worn by my predecessor--though I was called upon to
+supply my own shoes, silk hose and gloves. In reality I was to be
+nothing more than a show-girl, with a few lines to speak.
+
+Will was in front the night I made my début. After the performance we
+went to a restaurant, there to talk it over. Congratulating me on my
+"getting away with it" and telling me how "peachy" I looked, he
+laughingly predicted a line of Johnnies at the stage door, flowers, and
+the usual perquisites of the chorus girl.... "If you weren't wise to the
+game, I'd give you a few pointers," he said, ... "but" ... and here he
+reached across the table and patted me on the hands.... "I reckon you're
+equal to any situation, old pard.... Just sit tight until I again land
+on my feet and then you can cut it out, if you like."
+
+I did not find myself subjected to any fierce onslaughts on the part of
+the Johnnies or _viveurs_ about town. Once or twice I received a note
+accompanied with flowers. The former I destroyed; the latter I promptly
+presented to the least pretty of my five dressing-room mates. She wore
+them on the stage and made eyes at the donor, who occupied an upper box,
+much to my amusement and to his confusion. I discouraged intimacies of
+all kinds, with one exception. But of this more hereafter. The stage
+director never attempted to chuck me under the chin or call me "baby,"
+as he did other members of the cast. I had had my little run-in with him
+at rehearsal when he essayed to yell at me after the manner of his kind.
+I stopped short, the orchestra petered out in discord and, walking to
+the apron of the stage, I modulated my voice, so that it reached him
+quietly but effectively, where he stood in the back of the theatre. "Mr.
+M----," I had said, "if you have any further suggestion to offer, you
+will please do so in a less offensive manner. My hearing is good and I
+believe I have the average amount of intelligence." There was an ominous
+silence and the martinet started down the aisle. Behind me I heard a
+buzz of approbation from the girls who had suffered at his hands. Just
+why the bully changed his mind I never knew. At any rate the rehearsal
+was continued. Later the manager chaffed me about the incident. The
+manager was an undeveloped little person--as if some hereditary blight
+had nipped him in the bud--distinctly Semitic in all his traits. Will
+had known him from the time he had abandoned haberdashery for theatrical
+management; indeed, I believe he had been a member of the manager's
+first venture into the field.
+
+One feature which stands out most prominently in retrospect was my
+adaptability to my surroundings. Conditions which once had shocked me no
+longer left an impression. Obviously the finer edge of my nature had
+worn blunt. Things appeared to me in a kind of impersonal light. My
+present path had been chosen from necessity; a part of the scheme of
+things, yet a thing apart. The commonplace round of concerns and duties
+went on, but life, real life, for the time being lay fallow.
+Occasionally, when I caught myself dropping into the slang and jargon I
+had absorbed from my fellow workers, I mused a bit and pulled myself up
+with a sharp curb. But, as I have said, I was no longer disturbed or
+impressed with conditions which once had sent the blood to my cheeks.
+
+The easy familiarity between the sexes which I had thought sufficiently
+deplorable in the "legitimate" branch of the theatrical profession was
+in the comic opera world flagrantly increased. I have heard a
+distinction made between immorality and unmorality, but I fail to
+observe any slight deviation from the general result. Vulgar stories,
+steeped in smut, went the rounds. Each new one was welcomed and passed
+down the line. If one betrayed her disapproval by ignoring the
+_raconteur_, she was laughed down and thereafter referred to as "very
+up-stage." In the dressing-rooms modesty of person was an unknown
+quantity. Not infrequently I found "extra" gentlemen performing lady's
+maid service for one of the girls. On one occasion when I slipped on the
+iron stairway leading to the stage, badly wrenching my ankle, a sturdy
+stage-hand picked me up, carried me to my dressing-room, and, before I
+realized what he was about, had pulled off my shoe and was in way of
+removing my stocking when I protested. "O, well, if you're that fussy--"
+he said as he went out....
+
+One of the most pernicious influences to be contended against by the
+girl who tries to go straight is the never-ceasing topic of "men" and
+"money." The man behind the bankroll is the basis, in one form or
+another, of all the chorus-girl conversations. To be picked out by a man
+of means to marry, or, failing this, to be set up in a "swell" apartment
+and "put it all over" the girls of her acquaintance, is the hope which
+springs eternal in the chorus-girl breast. Even in hard times, when the
+champagne appetite needs must be quenched with beer, she dreams of
+diamonds. Standing in the wings, waiting for the cue, one hears an
+exchange of banter such as this: "Heard you was at the Abbaye last
+night.... Where'd you pick him up?... Say, don't you believe anything he
+tells you! Henny knows all about him and he says that for a tight-wad
+he's got Russell Sage skinned to death!" Or ... "I was at Morrisheimer's
+to-day; they're havin' a sale of models. I gotta three-piece velvet suit
+for thirty-five dollars, marked down from seventy." ... "Say! He must be
+good to you. Why don't you introduce me to some of your gentlemen
+friends?"
+
+I once asked a chorus girl of considerable notoriety how she had come to
+enter the profession. "O," she replied, "my folks was the poor but
+respectable kind. There was a big family of us, and I, bein' the oldest,
+had to help out. I didn't get much schoolin' and, after tryin' half a
+dozen things like bein' a chamber maid, waitin' in a restaurant and that
+kind of business, I tumbled to the fact that I wusn't bad lookin'.
+That's all I had; my face and my shape, and the stage was the best place
+to show 'em."
+
+My dressing-room mates were typical show-girls; manièré, self-conscious
+and always on parade. It was painfully evident they felt themselves
+above the chorus, though some of them were pleased to forget the fact
+that they were but recently graduated from that class.
+
+One of these girls afterward married an English baronet. I have since
+wondered what disposition was made of the baronet's mother-in-law. I
+made her acquaintance in the dressing-room one evening, whither she had
+come to mend her daughter's wardrobe. She was a splendid specimen of the
+complaisant stage-mamma. Clad in rusty black, her portly figure bulging
+from ill-fitting stays, one might mistake her for the type of
+scrub-woman one sees about the large office buildings of early mornings,
+but never, never would one suspect her of being the mother of this
+near-Vere-de-Vere. Voluble to a point of madness, she would acquaint you
+with the family history, the cause and intimate details of her husband's
+untimely taking off and the great hopes she entertained for her
+daughter's "getting on." Sometimes she brought with her the youngest of
+her offspring, a little girl of six who had already made her début as a
+child-actress. Like all children of the stage, she was precocious and
+most unchild-like. In the enactment of laws which are aimed to protect
+the child-labourer, an attempt is being made to bring about an exemption
+of their application to the stage-child. That the child-actor receives
+better pay, that he or she works less hours and under more sanitary
+surroundings than do children in other trades and professions, cannot be
+gainsaid. But is the economic welfare of the child the prime and only
+consideration? Is the physical protection the one and uppermost
+consummation to be desired? What of the spiritual, the moral side of the
+stage-child? If environment bear the strong influence on human life we
+are led to believe, then should the stage-child be removed from its
+infectious surroundings. The old saw to the effect of pitch and
+defilement is here most applicable.
+
+I have referred elsewhere to the exception I made in my discouragement
+of intimacies. On that morning at rehearsal when I had resented the
+stage-director's mode of criticism, among others who had approved my act
+was a girl whose face had at once attracted me. She was pretty and of
+less common type than the chorus averages. There was something
+individual about her. Her appearance was neat and I had observed that
+her clothes were neither so new nor so extreme as were those of her
+colleagues. Also I was impressed with a quiet refinement of manner and
+her usage of good English. As we became better acquainted she sometimes
+waited for me after the performance and we walked together to the
+underground station, where our lines diverged. Later I had asked her to
+dine with me on a Sunday when Will was away on a week-end motor trip.
+She appeared to enjoy the home atmosphere and visited with me in the
+kitchen while I was preparing dinner. Feeling that with our reduced
+income we could not afford it, I had dispensed with a servant. And as
+Will rarely, if ever, dined at home, my housekeeping duties were not
+onerous.
+
+"This is what I have always longed for--a little home all my own," Leila
+had remarked, smiling wistfully.... It was after dinner and we had
+settled ourselves for a chat.
+
+"Then, in the name of common sense, dear girl, why did you go on the
+stage? Home life and a stage career are as antipodal as the poles."
+
+"And yet you manage to blend the two rather charmingly," she retorted.
+
+"Absurd! I'm not trying for a career, and as for home life ... my dear
+child, it's the merest pretense. Half the time we are not at home and
+the flat has either to be let or remain closed. One never knows from day
+to day when the furniture will be packed off to storage."
+
+"Yes ... I presume you are right.... How did I come to go on the
+stage?... Well, I suppose it was because I wanted a career of some
+kind.... I wanted to _do something_; you know how empty and shallow the
+average girl's life is, with the endless round of parties, visits, fancy
+work and that sort of thing. I was an only daughter, too. Father was
+well-to-do and wrapped up in the affairs of the small city in which we
+lived. After he died, mother thought she would like to travel. We went
+abroad. It was over there that the idea of a career took a stronger hold
+on me. About the only talent I could lay any claim to was music. I had
+always played and sung at our home concerts and church sociables.... But
+mother didn't encourage me in my ambitions. She argued that, since
+father had left us comfortably fixed, why should I want to worry my head
+about work? Besides, she said my first duty was to her as long as she
+lived. So there it rested.... We just drifted from place to place ...
+vegetating...."
+
+"Some parents are like that," I commented.
+
+Leila rested her chin in her palms and went on.... "After mother died I
+resolved to go after that career. I returned abroad to study...." She
+chuckled a little, probably, at the remembrance.... "Of course, the
+_teachers_ said I had a great future ahead of me ... with application
+and patience ... infinite patience. Meanwhile I must study--and pay
+exorbitant prices for my tuition. The income which had been ample for my
+needs heretofore did not go very far under the new régime. I found it
+necessary to cut into the capital, realizing the danger of such a move,
+but soothing my fears with the dream of my great future.... Well, honey,
+the splendid career as you see has ended in the chorus.... And, what's
+more, I'm living on my salary." She picked up Will's guitar and began
+strumming on it. "What I can't understand," she continued after a while,
+"what I feel most is the fact that I don't seem able to pull myself out
+of it. I see other girls lifting themselves to better positions; I know
+I can sing better than any one of them.... There was Miss Nelson whom
+you succeeded. As soon as I heard she was to retire I went to the
+manager and asked for her place. He sent me to the musical director,
+who heard me sing, commented favorably and said he would report to the
+manager. That was the last I heard of it until rehearsal was called and
+I learned that you had been engaged.... Tell me, honestly, what's the
+matter with me? Why don't I get on? Is it because I haven't any _pull_
+or because--" She did not finish her sentence, but switched to
+another.... "Take our prima donna for example: three years ago she was
+playing a part not bigger than yours. Now look at her! My voice is as
+good as hers, if not better, but I can't get them to let me even
+understudy her." ...
+
+A vision of the prima donna passed before my eye; an insipidly pretty
+woman whose sudden rise to fame had turned her empty little head. Vain,
+impetuous, over-keyed, already the marks of dissipation were leaving
+their indelible stamp. Whenever I saw her, resplendent in sables,
+dangling her jewelled gold-mesh purse, my mind reverted to a well-known
+club-man's comment on virtue: "I always measure the chastity of the
+unprotected female by the size of her gold-mesh bag; the larger the bag
+the less the virtue."
+
+Leila, bent on relieving her mind and heart, went on: "When I went into
+the chorus it was a choice between that and Macy's. Of course I'd heard
+things about the life, but I told myself that a girl who wants to can go
+straight in any walk of life. I had all those copy-book maxims at the
+tip of my tongue: 'Virtue is its own reward,' and 'Then let us be up and
+doing, with a heart for any fate; still achieving, still pursuing, learn
+to labour and to wait,' or something like that.... Willie Stewart--you
+know the little black-eyed girl who plays next to me on the left--it was
+she who gave me my first eye-opener. Seeing that I was new at the
+business, she came to me shortly after we opened and asked me if I
+didn't want to meet some gentlemen; that she had been asked to bring
+some of the girls with her to a beefsteak party which was to be pulled
+off that night. I thanked her and told her I did not care to go. Willie
+squinted her eyes a little in sizing me up, then treated me to the
+following advice: 'Look here, angel child, you'd better go back to home
+and mother. This is no place for a minister's daughter. If you haven't
+got sense enough to take a chance when it's brought to you on a silver
+tray--well, all I've got to say is that you're in wrong. Managers want
+the girls that are popular and the way to be popular is to mingle. Just
+remember that you don't get anything for nothing in this business or in
+no other, as far as I've been able to observe. It's give up--_give up
+all along the line_ and it's only the foxy dame that gets what's comin'
+to her, even then!'"
+
+"Willie has a very large gold bag, I have noticed," I said.
+
+"And a sealskin coat," Leila added. Then she jumped to her feet and
+struck at the sofa pillows viciously.... "It isn't the clothes and that
+sort of thing that appeal to me. It isn't the fact that I'm living in a
+dingy little room and trying to make ends meet; I'd live on a box of
+Uneeda Biscuits a day if I saw any hope, the faintest ray of hope that I
+could win out clean, on merit alone, in the end.... Sometimes I think
+I'm wrong and that they are right--"
+
+"Leila! You don't think anything of the sort! You know you are right!
+Hold on a little while longer; you're sure to win! Why, with a voice
+like yours, and your beauty, I should feel so sure of winning that
+nothing else would matter--and it doesn't, Leila, nothing else really
+counts if you live up to the best that's in you!" I had worked myself
+up to a state of enthusiasm where I almost believed my own words. I took
+her by the shoulders and held her at arm's length. We looked into each
+other's eyes, each trying to pierce the veil behind which are concealed
+our true thoughts.
+
+It was nearing the holidays when Will signed for the engagement which
+was destined to play such an important rôle in our future lives. The
+star was of foreign origin, with a fascinating accent and a steadily
+increasing reputation for eroticism. Under the guise of "high-brow"
+drama she revelled in the portrayal of abnormal femininity. Her
+adeptness in "suggestive" scenes, to which she lent a startling
+verisimilitude, soon gained for her a large, if not altogether
+intellectual, following. Will was not altogether satisfied with his
+rôle, but what actor ever is? I consoled him with the fact that the
+salary was good and that but little of the present season remained.
+
+With Will on the road, left to myself in the empty apartment, the blue
+devils renewed their lease. And when the approach of the Christmas
+season began to manifest itself in shop-windows and in holiday rush, my
+heartache increased manifold. Leila and I were much together in those
+days. My little friend's increasing depression, instead of augmenting my
+own, acted as a spur to brighter moods. Together we made the round of
+the shops or tramped through the snow in Central Park. Sometimes we
+lingered to watch the young people skating on the ice; again we hitched
+ourselves to sleds to the merriment of small folk. Coming home alone
+from a matinée I would find myself following a party of children out on
+an ante-holiday survey. Standing close to them I listened to their
+prattle and eager expectancy of a visit from Santa Claus.... If the
+tears came I swallowed hard. No one was near to heed. In the seclusion
+of my home I fought it out alone.
+
+It had been my intention to carry a box of flowers to the dear one's
+grave on Christmas morning. Passing one day through a wretched quarter
+of the East Side in search of a dilatory laundress, my steps halted in
+front of a cheap toy-shop. Beside me stood a small boy, clinging to the
+hand of an older girl, their eyes riveted upon the display within. With
+one grimy little hand, stiff and rough from the cold, the small man
+smeared the tears from his eyes and snivelled. His threadbare coat,
+sizes too large for his meagre frame, his toes showing through his
+shoes. The girl's face was peaked and old, as if the despair of life had
+already left its stamp. There was something infinitely tender in the way
+she held the boy close to her, mutely comforting his grief, her eyes
+meeting half defiantly the tinselled magnet of the shop-window, her lips
+compressed to stop their mutinous tremble. When at last I brought myself
+to break in upon their thoughts, they looked at me like startled
+fawns....
+
+The overture was on when I rushed into the theatre that afternoon. With
+Leila's help I was in time for my cue. And it was with Leila's help that
+I dressed the toys and trimmed the tree and between us, late on
+Christmas Eve, we toted a big basket on and off the cars, up the dingy
+stairs where Maggie kept house for "me brudder" while their mother went
+out to work.... It was Boy's offering, not mine....
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII
+
+
+Coming out of the stage door after the performance one night shortly
+after the New Year, the back-door keeper met me with the information
+that a gentleman was waiting to see me. Before I could frame a reply a
+bulky figure emerged from the gloom. I recognized Mr. F. of Chicago.
+There was something akin to embarrassment in the way he proffered his
+hand, though his grip was not lacking in geniality. Of the two I was the
+more self-possessed. To my polite inquiries about his family he murmured
+something about their being all right, he guessed, and abruptly changed
+the subject by asking me to "come jump in a taxi and let's go somewhere
+for a bite of supper." I did not understand why I so readily acquiesced.
+On the way to Rector's--he himself having made the choice of
+restaurant--we exchanged amenities. I believe I deplored the fact that I
+was not dressed for the occasion, and he had replied with a flattering
+speech intended to salve my vanity. After he had ordered the most
+expensive items on the menu, he settled back in his chair, toyed with
+his fork, looked at me searchingly, then broke out laughing. The
+laughter was not pleasant to the ear; it left an unpleasant
+apprehension. He leaned across the table with a confidential air and
+smiled quizzically....
+
+"Do you remember the last time we had supper together?"
+
+I nodded and coaxed a smile.
+
+"Perfectly," I responded.
+
+A silence, while Mr. F. traced strange hieroglyphics on the napery.
+After a while he tossed aside the fork with the air of one casting off
+unpleasant memories, and settled back in his chair.
+
+"Tell me about yourself," he commanded. "How is the world using you?
+What in the name of wonder ever took you on the comic opera stage? I
+couldn't believe my own eyes when I spotted you to-night, and, of
+course, the name on the programme meant nothing to me. I shook my
+friends as soon as the performance was over and interviewed the
+back-door keeper. He told me you were Mrs. Hartley in private life....
+Well, what's the answer?"
+
+"There's nothing mysterious about my present occupation. Mr. Hartley
+hasn't been especially lucky this season, and when a chance to help out
+a bit presented itself I took it ... that's all.... I presume you know
+that we lost our boy...."
+
+"Yes--yes ... I knew, of course." His tone was curt, but I understood
+his reluctance to dwell upon the subject. The return of the waiter ended
+a painful silence. After that Mr. F. kept up a running fire of gossip
+and questions about stage life. But beneath the surface I sensed and
+lent him tacit aid in his effort to steer clear of the topic I knew to
+be uppermost in his mind. From time to time rumours of a fresh rupture
+with his wife had reached me. In fact, it was Will who had acquainted me
+with the news of their final estrangement. He confided the details of
+the lady's latest excursion into the realm of the illicit, with the
+sententious air of, "There! Didn't I predict what would happen?" and a
+shrug of the shoulders. I am not sure that it was not Will's intent to
+sympathize with himself as a victim of circumstances over which he had
+no control. Indeed, the occasional bursts of confidences which he thrust
+upon me, and in which he discussed quite frankly the indiscretions of
+certain lion-hunting ladies, were made, I felt, with the hope of
+impressing upon me the pitfalls with which a man in his profession is
+surrounded. Or was it vanity, or a desire to fan the old flame of
+passion he once had aroused--a passion, which, if the paraphrase is
+pardonable, was now "tame and waited on judgment?"
+
+In some way--I am not certain how it came about, since "made"
+conversation is at best disjointed and lacks in sequence--a random
+remark inspired a challenge from Mr. F., who offered to lay a bet that I
+was in the wrong. "O, no," I had replied, "I don't want you to lose;
+besides, you do not pay your gambling debts promptly. Do you know you
+never sent me that box of candy I won from you in Cincinnati? Mr. F....
+you're not a good sport!" With a shock I realized I was in shallow
+waters.... He looked at me with his eyes narrowed to mere slits....
+"Well, little woman, I can't say that of you, can I?... I can't say that
+you're not a good sport--after that performance in Cincinnati." ...
+
+I flushed but made a heroic effort to control my voice. "I don't think I
+follow you." Mr. F. beat up the bubbles in his glass and watched them
+come to the surface before he answered.
+
+"Of course you've heard about her latest affair with that Italian opera
+singer.... Well, I caught her with the goods this time.... For the sake
+of the children I'm letting her get the divorce...." He left off
+frowning and contemplated me with an amused smile. "Say, little woman,
+you did put it all over me there in Cincinnati, didn't you?... I suppose
+you're wondering how I got wise to it? Well, I wrung the confession out
+of her; I wouldn't let her get the divorce until she told me the truth,
+and then I checked it up through her sister, who's a pretty good
+sort.... All my life I've had a deep-rooted respect for a game sport....
+When I look at that pretty little face of yours and think of the job you
+cooked up at a moment's notice--well, I take off my hat to you, that's
+all!... Look here, little woman: if anything ever goes wrong between you
+and handsome Bill--and by Gad! I thought it had when I saw you on the
+stage to-night--if ever you need a friend, just tap the wires. There's
+my club address ... and, little lady--don't be afraid that I'll ask
+anything in return--do you follow me? I'm not any better than the rest
+of my kind, but I think I know the real thing when I meet it."
+
+While donning my wraps in the cloak-room some time later, I was
+surprised to see my little friend Leila enter and present her coat-check
+to the maid. She flushed a little in surprise as she greeted me: "Why,
+Mrs. Hartley! I didn't know you were here! Where were you sitting? Why
+didn't you tell me you were coming?"
+
+"I didn't know myself. I found an old acquaintance waiting, and of
+course he wanted to see 'where the soubrettes hang out.'"
+
+"How funny! My coming was unexpected, too. I'll tell you all about it
+to-morrow." She hurried away, a little eagerly, I thought. As I passed
+out in response to a beckon from Mr. F. I saw Leila being helped into a
+handsome fur coat.
+
+I told myself it was none of my business; that Leila knew perfectly well
+what she was doing and that any amount of advice from me would not only
+not be acted upon, but would be resented. Already she avoided me. To my
+pleadings that I was lonely--would she not dine with me at my home?--she
+responded with ever-ready but piffling excuses and subterfuges. I would
+see her emerge from her dressing-room after the performance, prettily
+dressed, get into a waiting taxicab and be whirled away. The situation
+preyed on my mind. Once I took courage in both hands and called at her
+lodging-house only to be told that Miss Moore had moved away a month
+since. I got the new address from the back-door keeper, and when my
+little friend was out of the cast through illness I seized the
+opportunity to call on her.
+
+It was one of those smaller apartment hotels in the West Forties; I was
+taken up in the elevator without challenge. The coloured maid who
+cautiously opened the door said she did not know whether her mistress
+would see me. Something in my manner, however, caused her to stand aside
+and let me enter. The rooms were tastefully if cheaply furnished. Leila
+was lying on a couch, propped with pillows and clad in a dainty silk
+kimono. She was taken by surprise and flushed a little as she extended
+her hand. The maid placed a chair for me.
+
+"I--I thought you had forgotten me," she stammered as I offered the
+flowers I had brought. "How good of you!"
+
+"They're only seconds, Leila, but the best I could afford." And,
+compared to the big American Beauties reposing in a vase near at hand,
+they certainly did look shop-worn.
+
+"It's a beastly day, isn't it? Let me send for a cup of tea or maybe
+you'd like a high-ball...."
+
+I declined both. The maid disappeared. Leila squirmed about on her
+pillows....
+
+"I'm sorry to see you ill, Leila," I ventured by way of breaking the
+ice.
+
+"O, I'm not really ill ... only a slight cold. I'm a bit run down and
+the Judge--that is--the doctor thought I should rest for a while. I'm
+not going back to the theatre this season.... It's awfully good of you
+to bother about me...."
+
+"Leila?" I said finally.... "Leila, is it worth it?"
+
+"Is what worth----"....
+
+"All this." I indicated the apartment, the piano, the silk négligée--and
+the ring on her finger.... "Is it worth the price you are paying?" I
+asked gently. She lifted her shoulders.
+
+"I don't know!" Her tone was half question, half defiance.... "I _do_
+know that the other way wasn't worth the sacrifices, the scrimping and
+mean pinching. I couldn't go on like that--I couldn't! I am young; I
+want some of the good things of life while I am still young ... and I
+was lonely. I didn't fit into my environment."
+
+"I understand, Leila.... Perhaps I appreciate the loneliness, the
+rebellion, better than you think.... You see other girls enjoying the
+good things of life and apparently happy. But, after all, happiness is
+purely relative, and what makes for their happiness might not make for
+yours. Leila, dear girl, couldn't you make up your mind to stick it out
+just a little while longer?... Things were sure to come your way--or,
+perhaps, you would meet the right man and marry and settle down in the
+little home of your own which you told me you have always craved."
+
+"The right kind of men don't marry chorus girls. The exceptions are
+rare. And what manner of men are they who _do_ marry a girl out of the
+chorus? Old worn-out roués, almost senile from the debauched lives they
+have led. They crave something young and fresh as an elixir of life.
+Sometimes it's a young blood with money; a black sheep of the family who
+drinks and sports, and in the end there's divorce if nothing worse....
+I couldn't marry a man like either of these.... It's a mistake to be too
+fastidious...."
+
+"Is--is--he married?"
+
+"He--O.... Yes, he's married--in a way. His wife and he have not really
+lived together for years. For the sake of the family they keep up
+appearances.... She doesn't understand him...."
+
+"Did _he_ tell you that--and you _believe_ it?"
+
+"But I know it's true! You'd believe it, too, if ever you were to see
+her. He married her when he was young and poor."
+
+"I presume they loved each other then; she probably pinched and scrimped
+in those days to help him--to help him get where he is to-day."
+
+"I don't know anything about that, of course. But I do know that I
+admire him; he has a wonderful mind. It's a privilege to be associated
+with a man like him. If you knew him, you would not think so badly of
+the--the arrangement."
+
+I left my chair to sit beside her on the couch.
+
+"Dear girl," I said, slipping my hand in hers, "Don't misunderstand me.
+I'm not sitting in judgment, neither am I criticizing you. But I want
+you to think of the future. Have you ever thought of the time when you
+will be no longer young? Have you never observed that type of woman one
+finds hanging around restaurants or hotel corridors, hoping to pick up a
+man, any man, it doesn't matter what kind of a man so long as he has a
+little money? These women are getting along in years, taking on flesh,
+hiding the ravages of time and dissipation with rouge, hair-dyes and
+more dissipation. They are fighting life and getting the worst of it,
+having put into life only their worst: thrown from one man's arms into
+another's: down the line--always down grade, lower and lower
+until--until what remains? The streets, the work-house, or suicide....
+Have you thought of that?"
+
+"No! _No! No!_--and I don't want to think of it!" She pounded her fists
+vehemently together.... "I'm tired of thinking of the future! I've done
+nothing all my life but think and live in the future--and now I'm going
+to get what there is--all there is--out of the present, if it's only a
+pretty gown, only a bright flower! What incentive has a girl like me to
+be good? Go away! Go away, please, and don't bother about me!" ...
+
+As I walked up Fifth Avenue on my way home, the shops and various
+dressmaking establishments were disgorging their workers: pale girls,
+for the most part, poorly clad. Here and there one prettier than the
+rest, showing in her dress the innate love of display; passing the
+well-dressed saunterer along the way with a pert glance, an inviting
+eye; dreaming of the silks she had handled all day; longing for the
+comforts of life which money alone can buy.... After all, is it a
+question of morals or economics which leads these girls astray? As my
+little friend had put it, "What incentive have they to go straight?"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII
+
+
+Will's season closed early. My own promised to run well into the summer
+months. Will's return was marked by a happier frame of mind and a
+corresponding good humour. He had been re-engaged for the coming year,
+and the fact that his maternal grandmother had recently died and left
+him a small legacy, which would be made over to him during the summer,
+relieved his mind of the worry over money matters which had been
+oppressing him. With characteristic prodigality he invested in a
+complete new wardrobe--to be paid for when the legacy arrived. Also he
+contemplated buying a motor-car, though I endeavoured to point out to
+him that a trip abroad would be a better investment, if spend his money
+he must.
+
+It was well along in June when--with a silent _Te Deum_--I saw the
+notice posted. One of those periods of tropical heat had descended upon
+New York and brought the run of the opera to an abrupt close. It was a
+welcome relief to be allowed to remain at home for days at a time. I
+set about to refurnish my summer wardrobe. With the acquisition of an
+automobile still pending in his mind, Will spent much of his time away
+from home, trying out various makes of cars.
+
+It was during one such week-end hejira that John Gailbraith returned
+from abroad. He had only that morning disembarked, and after settling
+himself in a downtown hotel had come to call on us. I hailed his advent
+with delight. Our long talks, the exchange of ideas, his alert mind
+refreshed and stimulated my own. Will once laughingly remarked that I
+had developed into a veritable human question mark. But in no other way
+could I induce our friend to talk about himself or his art. He had
+travelled much and when once started on the subject would retail his
+experiences in foreign lands. My interest was kept on the _qui vive_.
+Then there was his work and achievement. Long were the discussions and
+criticisms of the "Super-creation" and the thoughts and ideas which had
+led to its conception.
+
+As yet, I had not been inclined to resume my own work which my son's
+death had caused me to lay aside. Now, under the influence of my
+master's encouragement and sympathy, the old ambition quickened. As the
+summer progressed we came to see a great deal of John Gailbraith.
+Indeed, he became a part of our daily life. A genuineness which made
+itself felt, a cleanliness of mind and speech, together with a quiet
+humour and a gift of sympathetic understanding, endeared him to his
+friends. Will shared my feeling, else he had not thrown us so
+continuously together.
+
+"John Gailbraith is one of the few men in the world to whom I would
+entrust my wife's honour," he had said one day. I had chided Will for so
+repeatedly throwing me upon our friend for amusement or companionship.
+It had become a common thing for Will to hail his friend thus: "Old man,
+if you haven't anything better to do to-night, take my missus out to
+dinner, will you? I have an engagement to hear a play read," or, "I say,
+Jack old boy, look after the missus while I'm away. I've been asked to
+go on a motor-trip for a few days and I know it's punishment to drag the
+poor girl along." (Parenthetically Will rarely asked me to join him on
+these motor-trips.) It was on such an occasion that I had reproved Will
+for saddling John Gailbraith with a responsibility which may not have
+been to his liking. "There may be other friends to whom he may wish to
+devote himself; besides is it wise that I be seen so continually in his
+company and without my husband? You know how malicious the world is.
+People will say----"
+
+"O, Hell! I believe with Bernard Shaw: 'They say--what do they say? Let
+them say!' People will always find something to criticize. So long as I
+am satisfied it's nobody's business. I'm not afraid, girlie, of anyone
+taking you away from me." And he dismissed the subject.
+
+My husband not only encouraged the idea of my working under the guiding
+hand of the sculptor but developed an enthusiasm which quite took away
+my breath. In one of his impulsive moods he rented a studio from an
+artist member of the Players' Club, who was planning to go abroad for a
+year. "It's just the thing she needs; something to occupy her mind.
+Besides, any little pleasure I can throw her way is coming to her, after
+the way she stood by when I was down on my luck. It isn't every wife who
+can support her husband, is it, old man?" And Will slipped his arm
+about my shoulders with an amused wink. He was in high humour these
+days.
+
+There was a great scrubbing and cleaning before I pronounced the studio
+habitable. Will said I was not a true artist. I failed to find art and
+dirt synonymous or mutually connotating each the other.
+
+The building which housed the studio was in a small street or, more
+properly, an area-way in the vicinity of lower Fifth Avenue within a
+stone's throw of Washington Square. John Gailbraith said it was his
+favourite part of the city. It came to be mine. Sometimes, after we had
+taken luncheon at a near-by restaurant, we would stroll in the square or
+sit on one of the benches. Our lounging neighbours were interesting
+studies in real life. John would point out the various foreign types and
+compare them with their countrymen on their native heath. At other times
+I would have our recently acquired cook-lady prepare a dainty lunch
+basket, which I carried to the studio, and at the noon-hour, while John
+made the tea, I laid the table. Here we would linger, absorbed in the
+discussion which with passing days grew more frank and intimate. I no
+longer felt cramped or warped. Expansion had become an almost
+measurable sensation. During our vari-toned _pour-parler_, one subject
+was by seemingly tacit consent taboo. No reference or allusion was ever
+made to my conjugal affairs. Whatever John Gailbraith thought or knew
+concerning Will's peccadillos, he gave no intimation. It was not
+possible that he had not heard of my husband's various _liaisons_. In
+fact, Will, himself, made no attempt to conceal the attentions of
+certain women who rang up at his home under flimsiest pretence. He joked
+lightly about their indiscretions and commented on the fact that he "was
+getting to be the real thing in the way of a matinée idol." The period
+following upon my son's death when Will had devoted himself to me with
+something of the sweetness of our early married life was short-lived.
+And if I closed my eyes and ears to the recurring lapses of his fidelity
+it was because I still hoped that some day he would need my love.
+Whether John Gailbraith believed there was an understanding between my
+husband and me I could only surmise. To have him regard me in the light
+of a complaisant wife gave me many uncomfortable moments, yet I could
+not touch upon the subject. The truth lovingly told is that I came
+nearer to being happy during those summer months than I had been
+for--how many years had passed since Will and I had set up housekeeping
+in the little furnished flat of halcyon days?...
+
+When Will's absence from home became more frequent and of long duration
+I exerted myself to greet his return with a pleasant word and a serene
+face. And if, sometimes, I felt John's eyes upon me--those great gray
+eyes with large iris and the black fringed lids--I strove the harder to
+dissemble.
+
+Sometimes Will would swoop down on us with a noisy party in tow and
+insist upon an impromptu dinner in the workshop. The suggestion was
+invariably hailed with delight by the women, who regarded the studio as
+an open sesame to forbidden fruit and free speech, while to the men it
+connoted models in the nude and bacchanalia.
+
+On one occasion Will brought his star to see the minute whirling figure
+the sculptor had but recently completed in refutation of the criticism
+that his work was effective only in large design. Posing as a
+_connoisseur_, the lady had expressed the wish to see John's work. I
+think I hated her at first glance. There was something snake-like even
+in the movement of her body and in the craning of her long, thin neck
+from which a sharp jaw projected. She fascinated while she repelled.
+Being temperamentally reserved in the presence of strangers--and the
+lady temperamentally interested in the opposite sex--I had an
+opportunity to study her. My scrutiny was not unobserved. Indeed, she
+was always conscious of self, though apparently not self-conscious.
+
+In the act of taking her leave she stopped quite suddenly and addressed
+herself to me: "And so you are _Meesus_ Hartley.... What fine eyes you
+have ... such ... what _ees_ the word? Yes, tangled, tangled depths ...
+and the shadows!... If I were a man I should make love to _Meesus_
+Hartley...." She shot a glance at John Gailbraith, then dropped her lids
+over her eyes. But the suggestion was not lost. It was not meant to be.
+
+"Madame has a pleasing way of expressing herself," I drawled, meeting
+the much affected wide baby stare of her orbs with a like expression.
+Suggestion is insidiously effective. From the moment my husband's star
+had dropped the seed--thoughtlessly or maliciously, who shall say?--it
+took root. The calm surface over which I had been gliding during the
+past months ruffled and disturbed my equilibrium. The old _camaraderie_
+between John Gailbraith and me gave way to self-consciousness on my
+part. I felt what I imagined might have been the sensation which
+overwhelmed Mother Eve after eating of the Tree of Knowledge. For the
+first time during our intercourse I looked upon John Gailbraith as
+man--myself, woman. I caught myself expecting, anticipating, parrying
+any indication on his part which might be construed as a prelude to
+tenderness. My attitude became constrained, unnatural; his, more
+gracious, gentle, tactful. Perhaps he analyzed my mood as the natural
+result of gossip which connected my husband's name with that of the
+"star." That he pitied me heaped coals of fire upon my head--and his. I
+was glad of the opportunity which took him to Washington in response to
+a letter from a prospective patron and left me to myself.
+
+With mathematical precision I questioned myself: Why should I permit the
+insinuations of a not disinterested woman to mar a friendship which had
+become dear to me and which I had hoped to retain all my life? Was
+friendship between persons of opposite sex not possible? Can there be
+no relationship between man and woman disassociated from sex? Had this
+man by look or word professed other than friendship for me? Had I
+professed or felt any emotion other than which I indicated? Then why
+permit the bond to be severed by a wholly suppositious breach? I
+resolved that upon John's return to the city I should take up the thread
+where I had left off. There was consolation in the determination.
+
+The time had arrived when I was to begin the nude of Boy in marble. It
+was to be my winter's work and I was eager to be well advanced with it
+before John went abroad again. I looked forward to his going with
+genuine regret. More and more Will had estranged himself from me:
+whether deliberately or not I was not prepared to answer. The relentless
+examination continued. What was it which held me to my husband? Did I
+still love him despite his infidelities, his ever-increasing neglect and
+selfishness? Or was it the tender memories of our youthful love at whose
+altar I worshipped, feeding the smouldering embers with incense of
+bruised and crushed illusions? Might I not, after all, with patience,
+devotion, tolerance and a single-heartedness of purpose lead his
+wandering steps back to me? If life was barren now, what should it be
+without him? No, I must find my solace in my pride in him; must squeeze
+what comfort I might in helping him on to success; always with the
+hope--hope!--the promise-crammed!
+
+It had become a custom of mine to carry my perturbation of heart and
+mind to my boy's grave; there, in the silence and the nothingness of
+life, to find a balm and fortitude. It was upon such a mission I set out
+one day late in September. Under the early autumn haze the meadows lay
+carpeted with golden rod and fleecy lace of the Queen's handkerchief.
+Soothed by this tryst with my loved one I returned to town prepared to
+take up the battle. Arriving at the Grand Central Station I decided to
+telephone to Will's club with the hope of finding he had returned during
+my absence. Stopping to pay the toll I glanced listlessly around the
+waiting-room. A familiar figure caused me to start forward, then draw
+back. There, coming through the station was my husband and his "star."
+From the handbags he carried--one of which I recognized as his--it was
+evident that they had come direct from the train. I recalled that Will
+had mentioned the fact that the star had recently bought a country
+residence. And, too, it recurred to me that, when on Saturday night Will
+had telephoned me that he was at a Turkish bath and would remain there
+all day, his voice had a far-away sound to it, as if the message were at
+long distance. Sunday and Monday had passed with no word from him. I now
+understood where he had been.... I watched them drive away in a
+hansom.... Then I took a car home.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX
+
+
+It had never before suggested itself to me that divorce was the only
+solution. Divorce had always appeared to me an acknowledgment of
+failure--failure of married life. When my son was taken from me I had
+cherished the delusion that our differences lay buried in his grave;
+that an adjustment of our married life was imminent.... Divorce! To give
+him his freedom; to turn me upon the world without anchor, ballast or
+compass.... A kind of terror took possession of me--not the terror of
+being thrown upon my own resources for a livelihood, since I was not
+dependent upon my husband for maintenance, a consideration which
+prevents many women from severing a bond which has become repugnant to
+them--but the terror of loneliness. I had already tasted of this
+bitterness--was I now to be surfeited with it? If only Boy had been
+spared to me! O, God, the pity of it all!... And yet, there was no other
+way. To carry on the farce of married relationship; to submit to him,
+feeling only revulsion, repugnance, was nothing short of prostitution.
+And had I not already prostituted the best that was in me? Already the
+corroding influences around me had begun to tell. Even John Gailbraith
+had noticed the change in me and had alluded to it under the veil of
+kindly intent. If I were to save anything from the wreckage I must begin
+now, at once--before it was too late. I had seen women, good women,
+stronger women than myself, break under the strain of neglect and
+loneliness.... Well, I should not break. Pride should sustain me.... The
+future ... no, I dared not yet think of the future. It made me quail and
+falter in my purpose--a purpose I determined to make known to my husband
+on his return.
+
+Arriving at the studio the next morning earlier than was my custom (Will
+had not yet put in an appearance and the delay but strengthened my
+purpose), I found that John had not yet returned from breakfast. His
+small sleeping-quarters, giving upon the studio proper, were open and,
+without meaning to be curious, I paused in the doorway. A charcoal
+sketch caught my eye. It was my own likeness. Scattered about the room
+were other sketches in various stages of development. I turned away,
+closing the door behind me. A warm flush suffused my being. I told
+myself it was shame at having intruded where I had not been bidden....
+The various models of my son stood about the room and beckoned me. I ran
+my fingers over the little head, the pouting lips, and laid my cheek to
+his in silent salutation. The flood-gates strained and throbbed,
+threatening to break through.... A hand closed over mine.... I knew the
+hand.... In my complete immersion of thought I had not heard him come
+in.... I bent and pressed my lips upon his hand.... We stood looking at
+each other. Something of the shock I felt was mirrored in his eyes....
+"Margaret ... Margaret," he had said ... and I, all unyielding, had
+sought the solace of his arms....
+
+Some time later he placed a chair for me and forced me gently down ...
+still quivering under the shock of revelation--revelation, not of what I
+had done, but of what I _felt_! The spurious sentiment which had held me
+to the past of things shook me with its last convulsive gasps....
+Seated in front of me, his hands clasping mine, he read the confusion in
+my mind: confusion which speech alone could dissipate....
+
+"I want you to know what is in my mind and heart.... Doubt, a great
+question over-shadows all else. I ask myself, can a woman love more than
+once? Is there a love for youth, a love for maturity?... You see, I am
+not sure that I really love you. I am haunted with the fear that my
+loneliness, my wounded pride, my unsatisfied life have caused me to seek
+consolation. And I have come to you for that consolation because I
+respect and admire you. Propinquity has proved that we are companionable
+and that we have much in common. But love demands something more than
+companionship, respect and admiration. _You_ would demand something
+more.... Whether I am prepared to give you that which you demand is the
+question. As I feel now, I could not give you all the marriage relation
+implies. Do you understand my scruples? I have the feeling that to go
+from one man's arms to another's is nothing short of indecency. Perhaps
+time will alter the perspective. But I don't know, John, I don't know!
+You see I want to be honest with you. I want to promise nothing about
+which I am not sure.... Then, there is your side of it. Can I give all a
+man expects from the woman he makes his wife? What have I to give? The
+bloom of my womanhood, the ardent passion of youth is forever gone. What
+is left may not satisfy you.... It is right that you should go away at
+once ... but I shall be lonely.... God and my heart alone know how
+lonely I shall be...."
+
+"Margaret, I thank you for your frankness. It only adds to my love for
+you. I appreciate and respect the feeling which bids you send me away at
+this time. Only don't sacrifice yourself to a prudish modesty; don't
+make a fetish of the past. Conserve your tender memories, if you will,
+but strip them of overvaluation.... You ask what have you to give.... Do
+you believe that because the bloom of your womanhood, your first passion
+and its fruition have belonged to another, that there is nothing left to
+give? Shall I be giving, does any man give, what he demands of a woman
+as the prerogative of his sex? You see, little woman, we are the victims
+of a false education. There is one standard for woman, a different
+standard for man. It is this faulty double standard which is responsible
+for so many unhappy marriages. Some day this will all be changed. There
+are signs even to-day of the awakening.... Rid your mind once and for
+all of the spectre that the past will stand between us. Don't stultify
+your womanhood with a sentimentalism which is the curse of your sex.
+Life lies before you. The motherhood which your nature is crying out for
+is your rightful heritage. Look ahead, dear. Be true to the best that is
+in you ... and remember ... I am waiting...."
+
+I bade him good-bye--and had lingered. His strong hands clasped mine
+once more and held me there.... Mutely we looked into each other's eyes
+... and thus my husband found us.... Coming in unannounced--whether
+intentionally was of small moment. We did not start; instead, I think he
+held me closer and met the other's sneer with a clear gaze....
+
+"Drop my wife's hand! Drop it, I say!" Will raised his cane to strike. I
+heard it snap and saw the bits in the other's hand. They clenched and
+glared at each other....
+
+"It is not necessary to indulge in heroics," I interposed.... "Suppose
+we talk it over--sensibly."
+
+As we seated ourselves in preparation for the "_pour-parler_" the ironic
+humour of the situation came to my rescue. There was something absurdly
+theatrical about Will's attitude: a stentorian breathing; his stride
+across the room; a certain punctuated deliberation in the way he
+relieved himself of hat and gloves. I had seen him do thus in "strong"
+scenes on the stage, many and many's the time. I felt as if I were
+waiting for a cue....
+
+"So!" Will began after placing his chair firmly centre.... "So this is
+the way you abuse my confidence in you both!... My God, where is your
+sense of honour? If I hadn't trusted you so implicitly it wouldn't be so
+bad ... but to deliberately strike me from behind!" He rose, strode left
+centre and back again. "And you--my wife! _My wife!_ I would not have
+believed it of you! I would never have believed it possible that my wife
+could so deceive me.... I've been warned about this.... I've been warned
+that such a thing as this might happen, but I refused to listen to
+gossip ... and nobody had the nerve to tell me the truth.... It's the
+same old story ... a husband is always the last one to hear of his
+wife's infidelity.... Margaret! _Margaret!!!_"
+
+He stopped and waved his hand tragically in the direction of the models
+of Boy....
+
+"How could you.... How could you!... Here under the very eyes of our
+little son! Have you no shame, have you no reverence for the memory of
+that sainted child?... O, my God! Woman!..."
+
+The mention of the child electrified me ... his cheap grief was
+revolting....
+
+"Stop that! Stop your acting! I'm sick, _sick_, _sick_ unto death of the
+theatre!... Haven't you one honest, sincere emotion in your nature? Play
+the plain, rugged manly hero for once in your life, if act you must!...
+You wouldn't believe it of your wife ... _your_ wife.... Do you think
+_your wife_ is not made of flesh and blood and sensibilities like other
+human beings? What right have you to expect _anything_ from your wife?
+How dare you conjure with my son's name?... you, fresh from the arms of
+that--that creature!..."
+
+Will eyed me narrowly.
+
+"O ... so you've been listening to gossip, have you? You've been
+discussing me between you, is that it? No doubt our friend, here, has
+done his best to put you wise, eh? I've had enough of this...."
+
+"You shall stay and hear me out!... It may surprise you to know that our
+friend, here, has not even intimated that he knew of your flagrant
+liaison.... It may shock you to know that it was your wife, the
+gutta-percha doll, who made the first declaration of tenderness, and I'm
+glad, I'm glad that I had so much real passion left! I'm glad to realize
+that after all I am a human being still, capable of feeling" ... (a
+sudden weariness overcame me and left me limp and exhausted). "The
+trouble is--you are so impregnated with the rottenness about you, that
+you judge all by your own standard.... Let's have done with this!... Any
+further discussion will be carried on in the privacy of our home.... I
+am sorry ... sorry to have subjected you to this humiliating scene." My
+last words were addressed to the man who, tall, gaunt and pale, looked
+on--and waited. Through a blur of tears I held out my hand to him....
+"Good-bye," I said and left them together.
+
+It was dark when Will returned. I heard him softly close the hall-door
+after him. He came into the room where I was lying and sat down beside
+me.
+
+"Girlie ... I have something to say to you...." His speech showed a
+little thickness and I smelled the liquor on his breath. His tone was
+kindly and I felt my rancour soften.
+
+"First, don't let us lose our heads again ... it doesn't help
+matters.... Gailbraith and I have talked it over ... and the kindest
+thing I can do is to give you a divorce.... That sounds cold-blooded,
+doesn't it, between you and me?... but it's the only thing ... the only
+right thing. Gailbraith says I'm not playing fair by you; that I am
+ruining your life and cheating you out of happiness which I can't give
+you myself ... and I guess he's right.... I guess Gailbraith's right....
+We've drifted pretty far apart--I realize that now ... but--I want you
+to believe me when I say you are the only woman I have ever loved--or
+ever will love. The rest are just--experiences; some of them fascinating
+while they last, but none of them the real thing. No one will ever
+replace you in my heart ... that's certain.... It's too bad--too damned
+bad.... It's this hellish business! There ought to be a law to prevent
+actors from marrying.... Now for the business end of it: I know you
+won't drag in any names as corespondents. We'll fix that up later. I'll
+give you a lump sum, now--it can't be as large as I should like it to
+be, for there isn't much left. When my season opens I'll make you a
+weekly allowance until--until such a time as you are able to dispense
+with it. I'll see my lawyer--to-morrow, and fix things up with him.....
+Don't you think it might be well for you to go away for a few days to
+avoid the newspaper blow-up?"
+
+I nodded. I could not speak....
+
+"There, old pard ... don't take it so hard.... I guess that's all for
+the present. I'll be at the club any time you want me....
+Good--good-night, Girlie ... and God bless you...."
+
+In the days which followed I appeared to myself like a rudderless ship
+in a choppy sea. I did not see John Gailbraith again. He sailed within a
+few days after the scene in the studio. In a letter written from the
+boat he told me he had not forced himself upon me, knowing my wishes and
+respecting them. "Be true to yourself is all I ask," the letter ran,
+"and know that whatever you may decide as best for yourself that shall
+I abide by."
+
+Following the serving of the papers on Will for absolute divorce, I left
+town. Those wretched days were spent on railroad trains, fast trains,
+flyers. I got off one only to board another. The sense of "going
+somewhere" was in keeping with my mood. When I returned to New York,
+worn and relaxed, I appreciated the quiet of what once had been home....
+Will had already installed himself at the club. The dismantling of the
+apartment was a nerve-racking task. Memories, bitter, sweet, crowded on
+each other's heels, "so fast they followed." Will had left a list of
+books and trinkets which were to be packed and sent to storage in his
+name. In an old trunk, buried beneath dust and grime in the bin, below
+stairs, I found endless souvenirs of my married life. Photographs,
+letters, my wedding flowers; press-notices, carefully preserved in a
+large scrap-book; costumes I had made for Will in the early days of our
+struggle; Boy's first shoe.... This inscription on the back of a large
+photograph Will had given to me on the day of our betrothal: "To Girlie
+from her Boy--until death do us part and even in eternity." ...
+Letters, breathing hope and fears and always--love.... Damp with tears,
+I gathered the symbols of the wreck and plied a match. I watched them as
+they burned ... and crumbled to ashes ... ashes....
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I sat in the rear of the dim theatre where I had slipped unnoticed,
+after the lights were lowered. I had come to see him as a kind of
+leave-taking. To-morrow, the open sea ... a new world.... His voice
+thrilled me as before: I smiled at familiar little tricks and
+mannerisms.... His features had coarsened somewhat; his figure taken on
+flesh, but it was the same Will ... the same handsome lover of my youth.
+The scene faded from my view.... I lived again in the past; all rancour
+dead, a great tenderness and regret--regret that it should be so.
+Silently I stole away, while the lights were low. "God bless you, dear,"
+I whispered in my heart, "God bless and keep you, dear."
+
+
+THE END
+
+
+Transcriber's note:
+
+Beside a few typographical errors, the following changes have been made:
+
+How long with=>How long will
+
+woman as my right=>woman at my right
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
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+MY ACTOR HUSBAND, Anonymous
+
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+
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+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of My Actor-Husband, by Anonymous
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+<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" />
+<title>
+  The Project Gutenberg eBook of My Actor-husband, by Anonymous.
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+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of My Actor-Husband, by Anonymous
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: My Actor-Husband
+       A true story of American stage life
+
+Author: Anonymous
+
+Release Date: January 1, 2011 [EBook #34814]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MY ACTOR-HUSBAND ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Chuck Greif and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by the
+Digital & Multimedia Center, Michigan State University
+Libraries.)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+<hr class="full" />
+
+<p class="c"><img src="images/cover.jpg"
+alt="image of book's cover"
+title="image of book's cover"
+width="371"
+height="550"
+id="coverpage" /></p>
+
+<h1>MY<br />
+ACTOR-HUSBAND</h1>
+
+<p><a name="page_001" id="page_001"></a></p>
+
+<p><a name="page_002" id="page_002"></a></p>
+
+<p><a name="page_003" id="page_003"></a></p>
+
+<p class="c"><i>A TRUE STORY<br />
+OF<br />
+AMERICAN STAGE LIFE</i></p>
+
+<p>
+<br />
+</p>
+
+<p class="c">NEW YORK<br />
+THE MACAULAY COMPANY<br />
+1913</p>
+
+<p>
+<br />
+</p>
+
+<p class="c">C<small>OPYRIGHT</small>, 1912, by<br />
+J<small>OHN</small> L<small>ANE</small> C<small>OMPANY</small><br />
+</p>
+
+<p>
+<br />
+</p>
+<p>
+<br />
+</p>
+
+<p class="c">To<br />
+PROFESSOR CHARLES T. COPELAND<br />
+Of Harvard University</p>
+
+<p><a name="page_006" id="page_006"></a></p>
+
+<p>
+<br />
+</p>
+
+<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="toc">
+<tr><td><a href="#CHAPTER_I"><b>CHAPTER I, </b></a>
+<a href="#CHAPTER_II"><b>II, </b></a>
+<a href="#CHAPTER_III"><b>III, </b></a>
+<a href="#CHAPTER_IV"><b>IV, </b></a>
+<a href="#CHAPTER_V"><b>V, </b></a>
+<a href="#CHAPTER_VI"><b>VI, </b></a>
+<a href="#CHAPTER_VII"><b>VII, </b></a>
+<a href="#CHAPTER_VIII"><b>VIII, </b></a>
+<a href="#CHAPTER_IX"><b>IX, </b></a>
+<a href="#CHAPTER_X"><b>X, </b></a>
+<a href="#CHAPTER_XI"><b>XI, </b></a>
+<a href="#CHAPTER_XII"><b>XII, </b></a>
+<a href="#CHAPTER_XIII"><b>XIII, </b></a>
+<a href="#CHAPTER_XIV"><b>XIV, </b></a>
+<a href="#CHAPTER_XV"><b>XV, </b></a>
+<a href="#CHAPTER_XVI"><b>XVI, </b></a>
+<a href="#CHAPTER_XVII"><b>XVII, </b></a>
+<a href="#CHAPTER_XVIII"><b>XVIII, </b></a>
+<a href="#CHAPTER_XIX"><b>XIX</b></a>
+</td></tr>
+</table>
+
+<p><a name="page_007" id="page_007"></a></p>
+
+<h3><a name="FOREWORD_A_RETROSPECT" id="FOREWORD_A_RETROSPECT"></a>FOREWORD&mdash;A RETROSPECT</h3>
+
+<p class="nind">I<small>N</small> presenting this autobiography to the public, the author feels it
+incumbent upon herself to impress upon her readers the fidelity and
+strict adherence to the truth, relative to the conditions which surround
+the player. In no instance has there been either exaggeration or a
+resort to imaginative creation. It is a true story with all the ugliness
+of truth unsoftened and unembellished. Nor is the situation presented an
+exceptional one. One has but to follow the career of the average actor
+to be convinced that the dramatic profession is not only inconsistent
+with but wholly hostile to the institution of marriage. Managers and
+actors alike know and admit this to be the truth&mdash;amongst themselves.
+What they say in print is, of course, merely so much self-exploitation.
+The success of any branch of "the show-business" is dependent on the
+bureau of publicity.</p>
+
+<p>To one intimately acquainted with the life, the effusions of certain
+actors' wives, which<a name="page_008" id="page_008"></a> from time to time appear in magazines for women,
+are ironically humourous. They are to be put down as the babbling of the
+newly-weds or the hunger for seeing their names in print. To hear the
+wife of a star declare that she always goes to the theatre and sits in
+the wings to watch her husband act is to presage the glaring head-lines
+of a divorce in the not-far-distant future. If it be not now, yet it
+will come, for those players who go through life with but one, even two
+marriages to their credit are the great exception to the rule. The
+actor's life precludes domesticity and without domestic life there can
+be no successful marriages.</p>
+
+<p>Every community has its stage-struck girls. Year after year the
+Academies of Divine Art turn out graduates like so many clothes-pins.
+Neither aspirant nor parent appears to question her fitness for the
+career to which she aspires. Both are ignorant of the conditions which
+confront the tyro or they have a wholly erroneous idea of theatrical
+life&mdash;ideas culled from the articles which appear from time to time in
+the magazines over the signature of a prominent actress. The average
+reader has no way of knowing that these articles are not written<a name="page_009" id="page_009"></a> by the
+actress herself, but by a needy scribbler to whom she grants permission
+to use her name, for the free advertising she will get in return. "My
+Beginnings," "Advice to Stage-Struck Girls Who Plan to Go on the Stage,"
+etc., are alluring head-lines. The subject matter is a mass of
+glittering and trite generalities. Of the real conditions, the pitfalls,
+the drawbacks to be met, the outsider hears nothing. And when once in a
+decade a scribe dares to express himself truthfully concerning the moral
+atmosphere in the theatrical profession&mdash;(vide Mr. Clement Scott)&mdash;the
+air is rent with expostulations, denials and protestations from the
+members of "the profession." Interviews and letters pack the
+enterprising press. Many of those who protest the loudest have the least
+to lose.</p>
+
+<p>It has been said that art bears no relation to morals: as well might it
+be declared that the blood bears no relation to health. Art must forever
+be imbued with the spirit of its delineator.</p>
+
+<p>The moral status of the stage may not be a whit worse than that of half
+a dozen other professions. It is possible, but hardly probable. The very
+exigencies of the player's life make<a name="page_010" id="page_010"></a> for a laxity and freedom from
+restraint. And in no other profession are the lives of the individual
+members so intimately concerned. The popular contention that a good
+woman can and will be good under any and all circumstances is a fallacy.
+The influence of environment is incomputable. I believe that my little
+friend Leila was fundamentally a good girl: in any other walk of life
+she would have remained a good girl. I believe that fundamentally my
+husband was a good man: in any other environment he would have been a
+good husband. The fantastic, unreal and over-stimulated atmosphere which
+the player breathes is not conducive to a sane and well-balanced life.</p>
+
+<p>And if, in a ruthless rending aside of the tinselled illusions which
+enthrall the stage-struck girl, I have rendered a service, my own
+suffering will not have been in vain.<a name="page_011" id="page_011"></a></p>
+
+<h3><a name="CHAPTER_I" id="CHAPTER_I"></a>CHAPTER I</h3>
+
+<p class="nind">I<small>T</small> was our first separation. All day I had fought back the tears while I
+helped Will pack his "Taylor" trunk. Neither of us spoke; once in every
+little while Will would stop in the act of folding a garment, and smile
+at me in approval. Then his arm would steal around my shoulders and he
+would pat me tenderly.... I would turn away, pretending to busy myself
+with other things, but in reality to hide the freshet of tears his
+silent expression of sympathy had undammed.... Will had signed with a
+star to play Shakespearean répertoire. The question of wardrobe was a
+source of worry, until I volunteered my services; I was a good
+needlewoman, and, from the sketches Will made, I was able to qualify as
+a full-fledged costumier. For days I had pegged away, refurbishing the
+old and making new ones, and sometimes Will would lend a hand and run
+the machine over the thick seams.... I once read that the women of the
+Commune<a name="page_012" id="page_012"></a> wove the initials of those they hated into their knitting;
+well, I sewed the seams of Will's dresses thick with love, and hope, and
+ambition ... and dampened them with tears.... Then when the expressman
+came for the trunk ... it seemed as if they were taking away a
+coffin....</p>
+
+<p>Not until that night, after we had gone to bed, and I felt Will's deep,
+rhythmical breathing beneath my head, which lay pressed against his
+breast, only then did I give way to my grief. I crept to the other side
+of the bed and turned my face to the wall&mdash;I shook with convulsive sobs.</p>
+
+<p>Now and then Will would half waken, and would reach out and dreamily pat
+my face and smooth back my hair, as one soothes a sorrowing child. At
+such times I would hold my breath, and wait until he was again quiet....</p>
+
+<p>Every incident of our short married life passed in review before my
+burning eyes. We had closed our season late in April, and had come back
+to New York with less than seventy-five dollars between us. But what we
+lacked in money was more than balanced by our enthusiasm and
+illusion&mdash;the illusion of two young persons very much in love with each
+other. I<a name="page_013" id="page_013"></a> had been in New York only once before, and the thought of
+living in the great city, of becoming an integral part of it, made me
+thrill with excitement. Will and I stood on the front of the ferry-boat
+and watched the panorama; he pointed out the various tall buildings with
+an air of familiarity. When we passed close to a great ocean liner,
+which was being swung into her dock by two fussy little tug-boats, even
+Will got excited. He told me which was "fore," and "aft," and named
+various other parts of the boat which I didn't understand. When we had
+taken our last look, he tucked my hand under his arm and told me that
+one day he and I should take a trip abroad....</p>
+
+<p>Owing to the shortage in our money supply, we had decided to go to a
+theatrical boarding house. Will was depending on his father to send him
+an allowance throughout the summer, and while it would be sufficient for
+his needs, now that he was married&mdash;well, we should have a chance to
+test the saying that two can live as cheaply as one. Our marriage had
+been a secret one&mdash;besides the "star" and one or two members of the
+company, we had taken no one into our confidence. Will's family&mdash;his
+father, a sister and brother&mdash;his mother having<a name="page_014" id="page_014"></a> died about the time I
+came into his life&mdash;all were intolerant of the stage and its people.
+Though I was not yet a "really truly" actress, the fact that Will had
+met me "in the profession" would have prejudiced them against me; added
+to this was the fact that Will, himself a tyro, taking a wife at the
+very threshold of his career would not be looked at through our
+love-coloured glasses. The effect my marriage might have upon my own
+relatives never troubled me; my father and mother belonged to that great
+class of incompetent parenthood which brings children into the world
+without any actual love for them. Never questioning their fitness for
+child-rearing, they divine no greater responsibility than providing
+bodily necessities and a more or less superficial education. When, at
+the restless age of sixteen, I announced my determination to become an
+actress, there was some surface opposition, but no effort was made to
+enquire into my fitness for the dramatic profession, or the fitness of
+the dramatic profession as a career for any innocent and unprotected
+young girl. I had been highly successful as an amateur, and, as it was
+not necessary that I earn my own living, the stage appeared to their
+insapient minds an<a name="page_015" id="page_015"></a> interesting playground for a dilettante daughter....</p>
+
+<p>One week in a theatrical boarding-house was all we could endure. I
+wonder why it is that the rank and file of the theatrical profession are
+at such pains to impress one another with their importance. The flippant
+familiarity with which they referred to "Charley" or "Dan" Frohman; the
+coarse criticism of their fellow-actors, which Will called "knocking";
+their easy disregard of the conventions, especially between the sexes; a
+bombastic retailing of their own exploits, as "how I jumped on and saved
+the show, with only one rehearsal"; talking "shop" to the exclusion of
+every other subject in the world. I overheard one of the actresses at
+the next table say we were "very up-stage," which Will interpreted as
+"not sociable, and having too good an opinion of one's self." Neither of
+us was happy in our new surroundings, and I felt a sense of relief when
+Will suggested that we look for a furnished flat. I did not mean to be
+critical of my husband's profession&mdash;I endeavored to agree with him that
+every profession has its undesirables.</p>
+
+<p>We spent days in climbing narrow stairs to look at dark, closet-like
+apertures with no ventilation;<a name="page_016" id="page_016"></a> even the strength-sapping humidity of
+the streets seemed fresh in comparison. At last, we found something less
+undesirable than the others. The building was new, and the apartment in
+the rear gave upon a row of private houses with small yards; there were
+flowers and a few trees&mdash;little oases in a desert of brick and mortar.
+The janitor told us there were three rooms: the bedroom was an alcove
+affair, divided from the parlor by pea-green portières; the kitchen
+beyond was as large as the pantry in our house at home; and the
+furnishings&mdash;! The whole outfit might have been removed from a Seventh
+Avenue show-window, where they advertise "Complete furnished apartment
+for $49.99." The near-gold-leaf chairs were so frail that one was afraid
+to sit upon them. The general atmosphere of the parlor reminded me of
+the stage-settings one comes across in one-night-stand theatres.
+However, the vistas of the trees and flowers decided the momentous
+question. We paid a month's rent, then and there; it made a terrible
+hole in our last and only fifty-dollar bill, but neither of us worried
+much about it. For the next week the "show-business" was relegated to
+the background. We played "house"<a name="page_017" id="page_017"></a> like two children; we arranged and
+rearranged the furniture, and Will made a comfortable divan from two
+packing cases. We went out to market on Ninth Avenue and Will carried
+the basket on his arm. Then we tried our hand at cooking; Will carried
+off the honours for coffee&mdash;and hard-boiled eggs. I washed and Will
+dried the dishes&mdash;I can see him now, with an apron tied high under his
+arm, declaiming Shakespeare, and juggling with the landlord's dishes.</p>
+
+<p>Our greatest problem was the lack of bathing facilities. We solved it by
+bathing in the wash-tubs; to be sure it was a bit hazardous standing on
+a sloping bottom, in danger of falling out of the kitchen window if one
+leaned too much to the right, or of toppling over to the floor if
+veering a bit too much to the left. But it was a bath, and, as Will
+said, preferable to the communal affair in the boarding house.</p>
+
+<p>The summer passed all too quickly. Those were happy, happy days....
+Sometimes the money market was tight&mdash;very tight; especially when Will's
+father was careless about sending Will's allowance. I cried bitterly the
+first time Will went to a pawn-shop; it seemed so<a name="page_018" id="page_018"></a> humiliating to have
+him do it. Will laughed, and said he regarded it as so much experience.
+Several times a week we donned our best clothes and made the rounds of
+the theatrical employment agencies. Will had had several offers during
+the summer, but we wanted a joint engagement; we had promised each
+other, when we married, that nothing should cause us to be separated.
+Will and I felt that to the enforced separation of married persons&mdash;the
+husband in one company, the wife in another&mdash;was due the great number of
+divorces in the theatrical profession. Our "star," when apprised of our
+marriage, had followed his good wishes and congratulations with a heart
+to heart talk with Will.</p>
+
+<p>"It's all right, my boy," he said, "don't blame you a bit. She's a
+charming girl, and you're in love with her. If it were any other
+business but the show-business, I'd say you're a lucky dog, but&mdash;I'm
+going to be frank with you&mdash;a man or a woman in the theatrical business
+has no right to marry. It's all very lovely so long as you're together,
+but you can't <i>be</i> together. The chances are against it&mdash;you may be
+lucky enough to get a joint engagement one season, but the next season
+you're off on the<a name="page_019" id="page_019"></a> road, while she's playing in New York or in another
+part of the country. And what does this separation lead to in the end?
+You're a human being; you crave society, companionship; gradually you
+become weaned away and the inevitable happens. It's propinquity and home
+ties which make marriage a success; the life of an actor precludes
+domesticity. The very exigencies of his profession are not only
+inconsistent with, but hostile to, the institution of marriage."</p>
+
+<p>When Will retailed all this to me, it sounded very big and very
+dreadful&mdash;and also very vague. Any danger from separation seemed in the
+far, distant future.... We agreed that a man and wife who permitted
+themselves to become estranged because of temporary separations knew
+nothing of real love&mdash;such love as ours, at any rate.... And now, with
+the summer going on apace and no joint engagement in sight, the fear
+assumed a tangible shape, the dread of separation hung over me like a
+pall. Will tried to reassure me by saying it was still early, and that
+we would hold out.... I believed what he said with a child-like faith.
+Indeed, I am not so sure that in these days I did not worship Will with
+the<a name="page_020" id="page_020"></a> same idolatry that I offered up to the Virgin Mary.... The whole
+world had merged into one being&mdash;my husband. My love for my husband was
+the absorbing passion of my life. Never happy in my home&mdash;my father had
+married a second wife&mdash;all the pent-up tenderness and passionate love
+found an outlet in my marriage. I sometimes wondered what had become of
+my ambition: this, too, had centred upon him. To be sure I meant to
+succeed as an actress, but I now thought of success only in the light of
+an assistance to him. It was already settled between us that I should be
+his leading lady, once he became a star. There should be no separations
+in our life....</p>
+
+<p>The weeks flew by ... the summer waned. Will became less reassuring&mdash;he
+took on a worried look. I began to awaken of mornings with a sickening,
+intangible apprehension. After a while I stopped going to the agencies.
+It seemed so futile. And then, one day, late in the summer, when the
+theatres along Broadway had begun to remove the signboards from their
+entrances&mdash;it came. I knew something had happened when Will opened the
+door. Instead of kissing me at once, as was his habit, he passed on to
+the bedroom without looking at<a name="page_021" id="page_021"></a> me, saying, "Hello, Girlie." There was
+always something infinitely tender in the way he said these words, but
+to-day there was a new note in his voice. It took a long time to put
+away his hat and cane; then he came out and kissed me.</p>
+
+<p>I was peeling potatoes. He drew up a chair so that our knees met; then
+he laid a hand on each shoulder and his fingers gripped me. We looked
+into each other's eyes.... After a while I managed to say, "Well, dear?"
+... and when he replied his voice seemed far away. I had the sense of
+returning consciousness after a blow.... I suppose I was a little
+dazed....</p>
+
+<p>"Well, dear, I've signed with &mdash;&mdash;" (he named a boy-Hamlet, well known
+throughout the middle west), "the salary is good and I'll play the King
+in Hamlet, Buckingham in Richard, and, if we do the Merchant, I'll be
+cast for Gratiano.... The best thing about it is the possibility of
+coming into New York for a run. The star wants to play Hamlet on
+Broadway, and I've been told he's got good backing.... So, little
+girl.... it may not be for so long after all...."</p>
+
+<p>Neither of us referred to the subject again<a name="page_022" id="page_022"></a> that day; neither did we
+try to make believe at being cheerful. We understood each other's
+silence ... and respected it. Outside the rain poured. Will stood at the
+window looking out, but I am sure he did not see the rain....</p>
+
+<p>All these details passed before my mind like moving-pictures. When at
+last I fell asleep, it was to dream the incongruous, disjointed stuff of
+which the actor's dreams are made; the sense of being late for a cue, or
+hearing the cue spoken, to realize that one is but half-dressed, or,
+again, to rush upon the scene only to find the lines obliterated from
+one's memory.... When I awoke, I heard Will in the kitchen; there was
+the smell of boiling coffee. For a moment there was no consciousness of
+my "douleureuse," then memory swept me like an engulfing wave. I cried
+aloud; then Will took me in his strong arms and kissed my swollen eyes,
+oh, so tenderly....</p>
+
+<p>To recall the moments preceding and following Will's departure
+causes&mdash;even at this late day&mdash;a tightening around the heart. There were
+some red roses in a cheap glass vase on the mantle; Will had bought them
+from a street vendor that morning when he went out<a name="page_023" id="page_023"></a> for the papers. He
+had pinned one in my dark hair.... After many false starts, and bidding
+me, "Cheer up&mdash;it won't be for long," he closed the door after him....
+It was our first separation.<a name="page_024" id="page_024"></a></p>
+
+<h3><a name="CHAPTER_II" id="CHAPTER_II"></a>CHAPTER II</h3>
+
+<p class="nind">T<small>HE</small> red roses had withered; their crisp petals lay scattered over the
+mantel and about the floor. Stooping to gather them, I was seized with a
+giddiness; it dawned on me that I had not eaten for&mdash;I did not know how
+long. I went into the kitchen; the table lay as we had left it that
+morning at breakfast. There was his chair and the morning paper. I
+didn't cry&mdash;I felt only a heaviness, a numbness. Mechanically I set
+about to put the house in order; I realized that I must get myself in
+hand if only to please Will. I even managed a laugh at my own stupidity
+when, after neatly folding and placing my kitchen apron upon a shelf in
+the dish-cupboard, I hung the sugar bowl on a peg where the apron should
+have gone, and was drenched with a shower of sugar for my pains.</p>
+
+<p>For several days I lived on milk, which the janitor sent up on the
+dumb-waiter. I could not muster sufficient courage to go out to market.<a name="page_025" id="page_025"></a>
+The sunlight mocked me&mdash;I resented the happy laughter of the family
+across the hall. The postman's ring, several days later, put new life
+into me. I knew the letter was from Will. I caught the postman almost
+before he stopped ringing, and, carrying the letter to my room, gave
+myself up to devouring it.</p>
+
+<p>It was filled with interesting gossip about his opening, and gave
+humourous little side-lights of the star and personnel of the company.
+He bade me cheer up and not take our separation too seriously; he
+promised to write every day, and asked that I do likewise. I marked this
+precious epistle with a large "1" in blue pencil and tucked it away with
+the rose-leaves. Then I sat down to write&mdash;I wrote reams. It is wondrous
+the many modes of expressing "I love you." To distil those many pages,
+written in the thin, slanting hand of my girlhood, would be to extract
+the very essence of my life's romance&mdash;or, shall I say, tragedy.</p>
+
+<p>I lived for the postman's ring. Sundays were the hardest to bear; there
+was no mail delivery. The weeks dragged on at snail's pace. Finally,
+loneliness and isolation drove me to a state of desperation, which, in
+turn, gave me the necessary courage to visit the<a name="page_026" id="page_026"></a> agencies. Will was
+reluctant to have me take an engagement alone; he made me promise that I
+would not take such a step without first consulting him. Indeed, had he
+but known it, the thought of again travelling alone in a theatrical
+company was distasteful to me; naturally sensitive and of a retiring
+disposition, my first season in the dramatic profession had left some
+unpleasant memories. It was difficult to accustom myself to enter an
+hotel lobby alone, or, if in company with other members of the
+organization, to hear our party referred to as the "troupe." The
+ubiquitous drummer lounging at the hotel desk regarded us with brazen
+audacity, and made audible comments. Then, to enter a dining-room
+unattended, either to be corralled at a table with the other members of
+the company, or, if seated elsewhere, to be further subjected to the
+advances of a "travelling salesman." Again, when walking to the theatre
+or to the railroad station, to see the town-folk turn curiously,
+regarding the players with a condescending smile, which curled the
+corners of the mouth downward as they whispered, "Show people." In
+larger cities these marks of opprobrium are less pronounced, but,
+nevertheless, exist. I resented this attitude towards<a name="page_027" id="page_027"></a> the theatrical
+profession until I became better acquainted with it. There be those who
+mistake liberty for license, and seemingly the freedom from restraint
+and the lack of conventionality, which the life affords, appear to be
+one of the chief attractions for adopting it.</p>
+
+<p>However, it was expedient that I should work. I dangled before my
+willing eyes the reward of the future&mdash;that time when my husband and I
+should play together. I even planned that we should be an example to
+others in our devotion and high moral purpose; and so, by reducing
+expense of maintaining two establishments&mdash;the flat in New York and
+Will's living on the road&mdash;we should be better equipped to hold out for
+a joint engagement for the following season.</p>
+
+<p>One morning, while waiting in the office of an agent to whom Will had
+introduced me, I was drawn into conversation with an actress whose
+photographs adorned the walls of the room. There was an air of
+importance about her, quite distinct from that of the other women who
+were waiting; these women wore an abject expression. They had relaxed
+the mechanical expression of "bien être" as the weariness of waiting
+wore upon them; in spite<a name="page_028" id="page_028"></a> of the make-up&mdash;more or less skilfully
+applied&mdash;their faces were drawn and strained. Their clothes, too, told
+of the attempt to keep up appearances. I felt a sympathy and fellowship
+for these unemployed; I wondered whether they too, were, by the force of
+circumstances, separated from their loved ones.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Burton, the lady of some importance, broke my train of thought by
+precipitately asking me to "come and have a cup of tea." She assured me
+she would not let me miss "old Tom"&mdash;calling the agent by the familiar
+diminutive&mdash;and that having sent for her he was bound to wait. "It makes
+all the difference in the world whether they send for you, or whether
+you go to them for an engagement," she told me, with a sententious nod
+of her head. She was so bright and vivacious, and so wholly
+un-selfconscious that, for a moment, I was drawn out of my dreamy
+loneliness.</p>
+
+<p>We went to a near-by hotel. "You take what you like," she said,
+summoning the waiter. "Beer for mine!"</p>
+
+<p>I took tea.</p>
+
+<p>While we sipped our respective beverages she told me about herself. She
+was a well-known comédienne&mdash;"'soubrettes' they called<a name="page_029" id="page_029"></a> them in the old
+days," she volunteered. She had been with "Charley" Frohman off and on
+for years, and expected to go back to him.</p>
+
+<p>"I've been in his bad books," she went on. "I had a good thing, and I
+didn't know it. When I think how I got in wrong all on account of those
+two big stiffs&mdash;!" My inability to follow her was probably expressed in
+my face, for she immediately rattled on: "You see, it was like this.
+When Jack and I were married we were in the same Company. He was what
+they call the 'Acting Manager,' travelled on the road and represented
+the New York office&mdash;understand? Well, the next year we didn't get an
+engagement together; he went off on the road and I created a part in a
+New York production. It was simply&mdash;hell! We used to make the most
+God-forsaken jumps, just to be together over Sunday. Why, once I can
+remember I rode all night in the caboose of a freight train to some
+little dump of a town where Jack's Company had played on Saturday night.
+Can you beat it? Oh, I tell you, I had it bad." And Miss Burton buried
+her feeling and her face in the stein of beer. After a pause she
+continued: "Well, the same devilish luck followed us the next season; we
+couldn't<a name="page_030" id="page_030"></a> dig up an engagement together for love or money&mdash;and we
+slipped a nice little roll to several of the agents, too. It just seemed
+as if managers were dead set against having a man and wife in the same
+company. Some of 'em acknowledge it right out loud, if you please! They
+claim a man and wife in the same company make trouble; either they want
+to share the same dressing-room, or the husband kicks if his wife gets
+the worst of it in the dressing-room line. Or, if the husband happens to
+be a manager, there's the temptation to favour his wife, and somebody
+else kicks up a row. Oh, they've got excuses enough, whether they're
+justifiable or not. Anyway, that's the kind of bunk you're up against
+when you marry in the profession.... Where was I?... Oh Well, after two
+seasons of separation, it dawned on me that Jacky wasn't so keen about
+making long jumps to see wifey; pretty soon I began to hear gossip&mdash;he
+was carrying some fairy's grip in the company he was with. Then I began
+to watch him ... I caught him with the goods all right.... Exit,
+hastily, Jacky!" and, with an expressive wave of her hands to indicate
+his departure, Miss Burton called for another stein.<a name="page_031" id="page_031"></a></p>
+
+<p>I fear I appeared a perfect idiot in the voluble little lady's eyes. I
+could not muster a comment of any description. Miss Burton, however, did
+not notice my omission, for she raced on with the same energy of
+expression.</p>
+
+<p>"That blow pretty nearly killed Mother, I can tell you. I was in love
+with Jack all right.... It broke me all up to have him throw me down for
+a second-rate soubrette like that. I wish you could have seen it&mdash;one of
+these 'I'm so temperamental' kind of dopes. She threw him down as soon
+as she'd used him for what he was worth.... I took to the booze. Whew! I
+did go it hard for a while! That's what queered me with C. F.... Then,
+what d'ye think I did?" Miss Burton leaned forward to better impress me
+with the importance of her revelation: "I tried it a second time....
+This one was an actor: one of those handsome, shaving-soap advertisement
+kind of faces&mdash;beautiful teeth, and workin' the smile overtime to show
+'em!... Black curly hair, high brow, chesty&mdash;you know&mdash;the real thing in
+heavy men.... Mash notes, society ladies making goo-goo eyes at him, and
+forgetting to invite me to those little impromptu suppers. Ha!... don't
+ask me! It was worse than<a name="page_032" id="page_032"></a> the first.... No, ma'am, matrimony and the
+stage don't mix. They ought to nail over every stage door this warning:
+'All ye who enter here, leave matrimony outside.' Yes, I know what you
+are going to say&mdash;that there are happy marriages among stage folks, and
+you'll name some of the shining examples. The domestic felicity of Mr.
+Great Star and his wife makes up well in print. But, wait awhile....
+Have you finished with your tea? Let's step in the ladies' room&mdash;I'm
+dying for a smoke."</p>
+
+<p>On our way back to the office, Miss Burton asked me about myself. When I
+spoke of Will, she turned sharply and looked at me with a hurt
+expression.</p>
+
+<p>"Why, you poor kid! Why didn't you tell me you were married? Now, don't
+you let anything I said worry you a bit. Everybody is apt to draw
+general conclusions from personal experiences. There's always the
+exception to prove the rule. Besides...." She slipped her arm through
+mine and gave me a reassuring pressure.</p>
+
+<p>The agent received her in his private office, and when she came out she
+was in high spirits. Calling me to her, she put me on a friendly<a name="page_033" id="page_033"></a>
+footing with the agent, who promised to keep me in mind. I thanked her
+for her kindly interest, and went home.</p>
+
+<p>Desolate as the little flat was, I found strange comfort within its
+protecting walls. The power of Will's personality had impregnated the
+place, and I felt its soothing influence. I devoted the evening to
+writing to my husband a long letter, but, strangely enough, I did not
+repeat the conversation I had had with Miss Burton. That night I prayed
+that he and I might be the exception to prove the rule....</p>
+
+<p>The next day I visited another agency. The presiding genius was a
+corpulent person, with cold blue eyes which cowed at the first glance.
+She stood behind the rail which divided the office from the waiting
+applicants with an air of a magistrate dispensing justice not altogether
+tempered with mercy. There was something insolent in the way she shut
+off the opening speeches of the applicants with, "No, nothing for you
+to-day; nothing doing, Mr. Blank." Then, as a highly scented and
+berouged person entered, clanking the gold baubles of her chatelaine as
+she swished by, the majoress-domo swung open the gate and greeted her
+with,<a name="page_034" id="page_034"></a> "Come right in, dearie; I've been waiting for you." They
+disappeared into the sanctum sanctorum.</p>
+
+<p>The little wizened lady who sat next to me snorted with impatience:
+"Humph! I suppose that means another half hour!" She fell to gossiping
+with a man whose very face suggested his "line of business"&mdash;that of
+Irish comedian. It was impossible not to overhear their conversation.
+The gorgeous creature who had been received with such open arms was a
+pet of the establishment, because of her generous and regular "retaining
+fees." She had been a more or less prominent society woman from Chicago;
+after a sensational divorce, she turned to the stage for the proper
+outlet for her superabundant "temperament." Willing to work for a salary
+upon which no self-supporting woman could exist, and able to dress her
+parts "handsomely," she found no difficulty in securing an engagement.
+The "retaining fees" no doubt facilitated her progress.</p>
+
+<p>I afterwards learned from Will's experience that a cheque enclosed in a
+letter of application to one of these dramatic employment agencies
+stimulated their interest in the sender. And, even after an actor has
+made a "hit," it is good<a name="page_035" id="page_035"></a> business to lubricate the dispenser of gifts.
+I could not quite grasp the <i>modus operandi</i> until it was explained to
+me by Miss Burton. "You see, when a manager contemplates engaging a
+company, he sends to an agent for a list of names. Perhaps he wants a
+leading man or a character actor, and he may direct the agent to
+communicate with a certain actor whom he believes to be best suited to
+the part he has in mind. Now this particular actor may not be in the
+good books of the agent, or there may be another actor playing the same
+line of business who is regular and liberal with his 'retaining fees.'
+It is not difficult to understand which of the actors will be
+suggested&mdash;even cried up&mdash;to the manager." Our own experience had been
+to negotiate direct with the managers. But, in many cases, the managers
+themselves send the actors whom they engage to a favoured agent to
+complete the negotiations. In this way the agent is able to collect a
+week's salary from the actor.</p>
+
+<p>The Irish comedian figured the average income of an agent who "placed"
+several hundred actors, with salaries ranging from thirty to three
+hundred dollars a week, at $5,000 a year. "And from the fish-hand they
+give you<a name="page_036" id="page_036"></a> when you come lookin' for an engagement you'd think <i>we</i> were
+the grafters&mdash;damned old parasites!"</p>
+
+<p>When, at last, the lady agent returned from her conference, I timidly
+made known my wants. Perhaps I looked like a "non-retainer," as the
+comedian dubbed them, for the corpulent person looked me over
+suspiciously.</p>
+
+<p>"Had any experience?" she broke in.</p>
+
+<p>"One season," I responded.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, you might leave your address," she snapped, and directed me to an
+assistant.</p>
+
+<p>I went back to Miss Burton's friend. Mr. Tom was an Englishman, with the
+manners of a gentleman to commend him if nothing else. He greeted me
+pleasantly and asked me to wait. My heart bounded in anticipation.
+Presently he handed me a letter. I recognized the address upon the
+envelope as that of a prominent manager. I was told to go to his office,
+present the letter and return to report the outcome to the agent. I
+rushed off with my mind in a whirl. Already I was outlining a telegram
+to Will, telling him of my engagement. I began to plan how I should
+remake my last season's dresses to avoid the expense of a new wardrobe.
+Only once before had I gone direct<a name="page_037" id="page_037"></a> to a manager for an engagement. I
+look back upon the incident I am about to relate with amusement at my
+own expense. To anybody and everybody who is interested in the stage the
+name of Charles Frohman was and still remains a kind of magic. When it
+was determined that the stage was to be my avocation&mdash;I use the word
+advisedly, since I had never been taught to look upon any profession in
+the light of a vocation&mdash;I came direct to New York with the purpose of
+calling upon Mr. Frohman, and placing my talent at his command. I
+remember I dressed myself carefully. I even powdered my face heavily, to
+give the ear-marks of intimate acquaintance with the make-up box. When I
+entered the office in the Empire Theatre Building, the office boy was
+engaged in pasting newspaper clippings in a scrap-book. A pretty, pert
+girl was type-writing at the other end of the room. The office boy
+looked up enquiringly. I took my courage in both hands.</p>
+
+<p>"Is Mr. Frohman in?" I enquired.</p>
+
+<p>The boy shuffled into the adjoining room. I busied myself by looking at
+the photographs of the actresses which lined the walls; my heart was
+pumping fiercely, but I "acted" the<a name="page_038" id="page_038"></a> part of a young lady with plenty of
+<i>savoir faire</i>. The boy returned, followed by a middle-aged man who
+smiled pleasantly upon me.</p>
+
+<p>"Mr. Frohman?" I ventured.</p>
+
+<p>"Mr. Frohman is not in," he responded with a bland smile.</p>
+
+<p>I was about to enquire when he was expected when I caught the reflection
+of the office boy in a mirror on the wall. He was winking broadly to the
+girl at the typewriter; I felt the blood rising to my face, and I fear I
+made a somewhat confused exit.</p>
+
+<p>Will had many a good laugh over my credulity. I had come all the way
+from an Indiana town to see Mr. Frohman, and there was about as much
+chance of being admitted to his presence as the proverbial camel has of
+slipping through the needle's eye. Needless to say, I never mustered
+sufficient courage to call on Mr. Frohman again.</p>
+
+<p>To-day, however, I was forearmed. The manager to whom I had been
+recommended by the agent sent out word that I was to wait. A half hour
+later I was conducted to his presence. As I entered, he was seated in a
+revolving chair, one foot resting on a small sliding shelf on his desk,
+and a large black cigar in the corner of<a name="page_039" id="page_039"></a> his mouth. He did not rise,
+but nodded to me and motioned me to the seat opposite. While he read the
+agent's letter he removed his leg from the table and crossed it over the
+other. He was a short, heavy man, with a preponderance of abdomen. He
+had thick, loose lips, and his head was as round and as smooth as a
+billiard ball; his eyes were black and snappy, and threw out as much
+fire as the huge diamond he wore on his little finger.</p>
+
+<p>"Well," he finally said, looking at me and shifting the big cigar to the
+other corner of his mouth, "that reads all right. So you're an
+<i>ingénue</i>" (he pronounced it as if it were spelled <i>on-je-new</i>), "are
+you?"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, sir."</p>
+
+<p>"Well, you look the part all right.... How much experience have you
+had?"</p>
+
+<p>"One season on the road with Mr. O'Brien's Company, but of course I've
+played in amateur theatricals for...."</p>
+
+<p>"Voice strong?" he bellowed, tilting himself back in his chair.</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, yes, sir," I responded, using the loud pedal to prove my assertion.</p>
+
+<p>"Don't sound like it."</p>
+
+<p>"Perhaps not now, but&mdash;" I hesitated.<a name="page_040" id="page_040"></a></p>
+
+<p>"But what?" he queried, smiling indulgently at me.</p>
+
+<p>His smile gave me courage, and I answered truthfully: "Well, I think I'm
+a little scared just now."</p>
+
+<p>"Scared? What of?" He removed his cigar while he spat out an end he had
+been chewing. Then he lighted a match and continued talking. "You don't
+want to be scared of <i>me</i>&mdash;I'm the easiest thing you ever saw...." Here
+he winked at me. Then for the next minute he puffed at his cigar and
+looked at me. "Stand up," was his next injunction.... "You're not very
+big ... you'll look the part all right."</p>
+
+<p>"What kind of a part is it?" I ventured.</p>
+
+<p>"Didn't Tom tell you about it?... It's a pretty part&mdash;one of them
+innocent country maidens that never saw the streets of Cairo&mdash;that kind.
+She falls in love with a villain who takes her to the great city, and
+then throws her down&mdash;hard. The poor girl's afraid to go back to home
+and mother, and just as she's about to commit suicide a good-natured
+sucker comes along and marries her. It's sympathetic and appealin'&mdash;goes
+right to the heart. Can't help but make a hit. Dressin' ain't much, and
+we expect to run all season in New York."<a name="page_041" id="page_041"></a></p>
+
+<p>"What's the salary?" meaning to appear business-like.</p>
+
+<p>"Twenty-five in New York, and thirty on the road."</p>
+
+<p>I did not reply, for my mind was making rapid calculations. Twenty-five
+dollars a week, with the prospect of running all season in New York!
+Why, I should be able to pay my own expenses and lay aside a little
+besides.</p>
+
+<p>"That's a good salary," began the manager, taking my silence for
+dissent. "If you make a hit, I'll raise it five. I tell you what I'll
+do: I'll give you a letter to the stage manager. They're rehearsing now.
+The dame we engaged for the part, way last summer, got married on the
+quiet, and has got to retire for family reasons." He winked at me again,
+as he took up his pen. I waited uneasily while he wrote. "Here's the
+letter," he said, moistening the flap of the envelope with his lips.
+"Now, run along and see Mr. Thompson at the Academy. He's the doctor."
+He rose by way of dismissal, and indicated a door other than which I had
+entered. I thanked him and assured him my voice was quite strong.</p>
+
+<p>"You're a pretty little thing," he said as he<a name="page_042" id="page_042"></a> accompanied me to the
+door. "Pretty little figure ... what d'ye weigh?"</p>
+
+<p>"I don't know really how much, but I think about one hundred and ten
+pounds," I answered with some confusion.</p>
+
+<p>"As much as that? Where do you carry it all?" He ran his fat, stubby
+hands over my shoulders and down about my hips. His smile became a leer.
+Before I could realize what was happening he had taken me in his arms,
+and his heavy, wet lips were pressed against my mouth. His hands played
+over my body, and, though I struggled to cry out and to release myself,
+I was unable to do either. It seemed as if my senses were deserting me;
+then, the muffled bell of the telephone sounded, and he released me.</p>
+
+<p>"Damn that bell," he said. Nauseated with disgust and fright, I cowered
+in the corner; he tried to draw my hands from my face, laughing as he
+whispered: "Like it, like it, do you?" Then with another oath at the
+continued call from the telephone, he crossed to his desk. "Run along
+now," he directed, without a look....</p>
+
+<p>I never knew how I found my way down the stairs to the street. I did not
+wait for the<a name="page_043" id="page_043"></a> elevator. I saw that people looked at me as I hurried
+along the street&mdash;whither I did not ask myself. Only when I collided
+with someone on the stairs did I realize that I had gone straight to the
+agent's office.</p>
+
+<p>"Hello, little lady!" I recognized Miss Burton's voice. "My, we're in a
+hurry! For God's sake, child, what's happened to you? What's the matter?
+You look as if you were going to throw a fit! Here&mdash;let's go to a drug
+store."</p>
+
+<p>After a dose of sal volatile, Miss Burton called a hansom and insisted
+on taking me home. I did not want her to accompany me. I wanted to be
+alone. When we were safely in the house I lost all control. She let me
+have my cry out without asking a question. Then, when I was calmer, I
+told her what had happened.</p>
+
+<p>"The old blackguard! The old blackguard! I've heard that about him
+before. Why didn't you hand him one? Why didn't you smack his face?"</p>
+
+<p>"I'll leave that to my husband," I replied with tearful dignity.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Burton contemplated me between violent puffs of her cigarette. Then
+<a name="page_044" id="page_044"></a>she shook her head. "Um-um, girlie; no, sir ... you mustn't tell your
+husband."</p>
+
+<p>"Why not?" I demanded.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, if you tell your husband, and he's the man I think he is, he'll
+go straight up and knock the old beast down. That will get him in bad;
+this manager is a power and controls a dozen attractions, as well as
+theatres. Your young man may find it difficult to get an engagement in
+the future."</p>
+
+<p>Miss Burton paused to allow the idea to percolate into my brain.</p>
+
+<p>"Then there's another side to it. If you tell your husband and he does
+not go up and knock the fresh gentleman down, you'll despise him for it
+... oh, yes you will! You would not acknowledge it even to yourself,
+but, way down deep in the bottom of your heart, you would never forgive
+your husband for not resenting the insult to you.... Better not tell him
+at all...."</p>
+
+<p>We both were silent for some time. I was struggling with a thousand
+conflicting emotions.</p>
+
+<p>"You see, girlie, you've got an awful lot to learn. You're new to the
+game. That's the reason these things go so hard with you."<a name="page_045" id="page_045"></a></p>
+
+<p>"Do you mean that 'these things' are a part&mdash;a regular part&mdash;of the
+business?" I began, with a burst of resentment. "I don't believe it! I
+can't believe it! I'm sure my experience was exceptional. I know that
+girls who typewrite for a living, clerks and even housemaids have
+unpleasant experiences, for I have read about it in the papers. There
+are bad men in all walks of life. I travelled nearly a whole season
+before I was married, and&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>I stopped short. My mind visualized a situation. When I joined the
+company in which I met my husband I was singled out for marked attention
+by the star. I believed this attention to be a kindly interest in a
+novice. It never occurred to me to question the intent and purpose. I
+was the understudy for the leading woman; the star had told me that I
+had exceptional talent, and with the proper direction I should develop
+into a splendid emotional actress. Quite often we would have private
+rehearsals&mdash;sometimes in the theatre, but more often in the star's
+apartment in the hotel. Invariably we rehearsed alone. I was flattered
+and sincerely appreciative of the star's efforts to develop my talent;
+we played scenes from Romeo and Juliet, and my star played<a name="page_046" id="page_046"></a> Romeo with
+such fervour that I quite forgot my lines. When the star's wife joined
+the company the rehearsals were suspended; it seemed quite natural to me
+that the star wished to devote his time to his wife. She was still a
+beautiful woman, though her face was sad and bore a discontented
+expression. She kept aloof from the Company, and it was said that she
+did not approve of stage-folk, especially the women. I wondered why she
+had married an actor. Later, when Will and I became friends, he
+questioned me about these private rehearsals; then I began to notice
+that he managed to drop in for a call on the star when we rehearsed at
+the hotel, or he would wait about the stage when we were in the theatre.
+This happened frequently as our courtship progressed. I recalled how,
+one day when Will was discovered in the wings, that the star called out
+to him quite irritably, "You were not called for rehearsal, were you,
+Mr. Hartley? You're not needed, and your presence makes Miss Gray
+self-conscious."</p>
+
+<p>Shortly after that Will insisted upon announcing our betrothal to the
+star. I never went to rehearsals unattended after that, and the calls
+became less frequent. Soon they were<a name="page_047" id="page_047"></a> abandoned altogether. Now, for the
+first time, I understood Will's watchfulness&mdash;perhaps I understood why
+the star's wife had so sad a face....</p>
+
+<p>"And what?" Miss Burton repeated after me.</p>
+
+<p>"I was thinking, that was all."</p>
+
+<p>"Girlie, you'll never get on in the show business, unless ... look here,
+I'm going to open your eyes to a few things that may come handy to
+you.... I've been on the stage since I was a kiddie; I was born in it. I
+made my first appearance in my mother's arms, and they say I never
+waited for cues, but yelled right through other people's lines. I grew
+up in railroad trains, hotels and theatres. I was wise to the game
+before I was out of short skirts. Anything I did was done with my eyes
+wide open. I was never stage-struck, like you, and so many fool girls
+who look on acting as a 'divine art.' I had to make my own living, and
+the stage offers a pretty good living if you are willing to play the
+game." Miss Burton looked at me significantly.</p>
+
+<p>"Play the game?" I asked.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, that's just what I mean.... Virtue and chastity have about as much
+chance in the<a name="page_048" id="page_048"></a> show-business as that famous little snowball of
+purgatorial fame. I don't know of any other profession where immorality
+is a virtue. I suppose that's what you call a paradox. Virtue and
+success do not go hand in hand in this business&mdash;even our mothers
+recognize the truth of the statement and wink at it. Your average stage
+mamma values virtue in the ratio of the advancement its possession
+assures. Let any star or manager cast covetous eyes upon her daughter,
+let her but scent leading lady&mdash;or stardom&mdash;and she will not only lend
+herself to intrigue but encourage it. She knows the game; she knows that
+a girl, no matter how pretty, how talented, cannot get on in the
+show-business without 'giving up.' She's got to have money or influence,
+or both. I don't know what there is about the stage that brings out the
+baser passions, but I do know that it's rotten to the core. And the
+worst of it is, that the good is sacrificed to the bad. Girls like you
+are drawn to the stage by its illusion and romance. With others, it's
+the looseness, the freedom from restraint that appeals. There never was
+a woman with a screw loose in her moral machinery who didn't hanker for
+the stage. Why? Because it's a<a name="page_049" id="page_049"></a> convenient place to show goods. Every
+millionaire, every fur-tongued man about town looks upon the women of
+the stage as his legitimate prey. You've only got to mention the fact
+that you are, directly or indirectly, connected with the show-business,
+to lay yourself open to the advances of the male creature who thinks he
+is sporty. You may be as chaste as ice and as pure as snow, but the
+chances are against it, if you are on the stage."</p>
+
+<p>I felt choked with indignation. "I don't believe you, I don't believe
+it's true," I stormed. "Look at such women as&mdash;" (I named a number of
+prominent women stars). "They are honoured and respected&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"You mean their accomplishment, their art is honoured. Each and every
+one of these women has been grist to the mill. Do you suppose that side
+of it ever reaches the public? No, and what's more, it's none of the
+public's business. These women are successful. The price they have paid
+is their own secret. Don't misunderstand me&mdash;I'm not sitting in judgment
+on the women of the stage, any more than I would sit in judgment on you
+if you went wrong. I'm telling you the conditions that exist&mdash;conditions
+which every woman who<a name="page_050" id="page_050"></a> enters the theatrical profession has got to face
+sooner or later. You had your first experience to-day...."</p>
+
+<p>It had grown quite dark in the room. Miss Burton got up and moved about
+in the twilight. I almost hated her. I could not prevent myself from
+saying, "Do you think it is nice to befoul your own nest?"</p>
+
+<p>She answered me gently: "You don't understand my motive, girlie. I
+wouldn't say these things to an outsider for anything in the world. Why,
+if a thing like this were to be given to the public, the whole
+theatrical profession would rush into print to deny it. There would be
+an awful noise, but <i>each and every one of them knows it's the truth</i>,
+<i>God's truth</i>, <i>and nothing but the truth</i>." We were again silent. Miss
+Burton sighed heavily.</p>
+
+<p>"You know, girlie, if I were an artist I should like to paint my
+conception of the 'divine art.' The divine art is a soulless procuress;
+she takes your youth, your beauty and your virtue. She saps you dry,
+and, at the first signs of age, she turns you out."</p>
+
+<p>Miss Burton stopped in front of the large<a name="page_051" id="page_051"></a> photograph of Will which
+adorned the mantel. After a lengthy scrutiny, she said:</p>
+
+<p>"Fine head! Looks as if he would have made a good lawyer."</p>
+
+<p>"He was educated for the law," I answered proudly.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Burton looked out of the window with a far-away look. Then she came
+to me and took both my hands in hers.</p>
+
+<p>"Little girl, why don't you persuade him to give up the stage and go
+back to the law?"</p>
+
+<p>"Because he does not like the law, and because he has a great career as
+an actor ahead of him," I retorted, feeling myself on the verge of
+tears.</p>
+
+<p>After Miss Burton had donned her hat and gloves, and stood with her hand
+on the door-knob, she spoke again:</p>
+
+<p>"I'll see Tom to-morrow, and have him set you right with that old
+beast."</p>
+
+<p>"Set <i>me</i> right!"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, for not showing up at the Academy. I'll say you got in a trolley
+jam, and when you arrived there they had gone. You can show up bright
+and early to-morrow&mdash;don't you intend to take the engagement?"</p>
+
+<p>"Not if I never got another engagement in<a name="page_052" id="page_052"></a> my life!" I declared, with a
+wave of disgust passing over me.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Burton drew me into her arms and kissed me impulsively: "Stick to
+that, girlie, and God bless you!" and she rushed off....</p>
+
+<p>I didn't sleep much that night. Early the next morning came a telegram
+from Will, saying he expected to be home on Sunday. His Company was to
+"lay off" and rehearse two weeks, preparatory to "the assault" on
+Broadway, as he expressed it. The knowledge that I should soon feel his
+arms around me acted like a tonic. My resentment against Miss Burton
+gave way to pity. Why were not all husbands and wives as much in love
+with each other as were Will and I?<a name="page_053" id="page_053"></a></p>
+
+<h3><a name="CHAPTER_III" id="CHAPTER_III"></a>CHAPTER III</h3>
+
+<p class="nind">T<small>HE</small> boy Hamlet failed to attract the public. After two weeks on Broadway
+the notice went up. The Company was to reorganize, which, in this
+instance, meant reducing expenses&mdash;and "back to the woods." Will agreed
+to double the King with the Ghost for a small rise of salary and the
+condition that I be added to the roster. In return for my railroad fares
+I played one of the strolling players and the Player-Queen. The Company
+made one night stands only; we made early and long jumps to
+out-of-the-way towns, which Will declared were not on the map. The
+hotels were often so bad that we were driven to patronizing the village
+grocer, and to supplement our meals with chafing-dish messes. Through
+rain, snow and slush we plodded our way to the railroad stations;
+sometimes there was a hack and the women rode back and forth. The
+theatres were cold and the dressing-rooms filthy. The stage entrance
+invariably gave upon a foul-smelling<a name="page_054" id="page_054"></a> alley, and a penetrating draught
+swept the stage when the curtain was up. Once, after Will in the
+character of the King had been killed by Hamlet and lay dead upon the
+stage, he sneezed explosively. The audience appeared to enjoy the
+situation. But, in spite of the physical discomforts and the stultifying
+grind, we were happy&mdash;we were together.</p>
+
+<p>By the end of the season we had saved almost three hundred dollars. Then
+Will played a few weeks with a summer stock company&mdash;a "summer snap," as
+it is termed&mdash;and in the autumn we were able to make a stand for the
+much-desired joint engagement.</p>
+
+<p>When the Company gathered at the railroad station bound for a city of
+the middle West, it more resembled a family party than a theatrical
+organization. The manager himself played a part, and his wife was the
+lady villain. The comédienne and the stage carpenter were man and wife,
+and the leading lady&mdash;a girl not much older than I&mdash;was chaperoned by
+her mother. Will was the leading man and I the ingénue. There was the
+prospect of a pleasant season ahead. I smiled a little contemptuously
+when I thought of Miss Burton's terrible arraignment of the stage. She
+had<a name="page_055" id="page_055"></a> been unfortunate in her association, that was all, I told myself.</p>
+
+<p>The comédienne and I shared dressing-rooms. She was a beautiful woman
+with a strain of Latin blood. I loved her from the first moment I met
+her. I was disappointed in her husband; her superior breeding and
+education caused me to wonder at her choice. Later, when I better
+understood the needs of the woman, I grew to like him; he was
+clean-minded and sincere&mdash;virtues I later discovered to be rare ones
+among actors.</p>
+
+<p>It was about the second week of the season when our family party first
+showed signs of incompatibility. There had been some gossip connecting
+the leading lady's name with that of the manager, but as she was
+protected by her mother it appeared to me ridiculous and unwarranted.
+One night, as the curtain fell on the first act, the manager's wife
+ordered the leading lady's mother out of the wings. Immediately there
+followed a war of high-pitched voices which penetrated the walls of our
+aerial dressing-room. The curtain was held and the orchestra played its
+third overture.</p>
+
+<p>During the wait Margherita, my dressing-room<a name="page_056" id="page_056"></a> mate, told me the
+circumstances of the case. The leading lady's mother was the "friend" of
+the "angel" of the Company; in this capacity she assumed privileges
+which were galling to the manager's wife. Adding to this the fact that
+her husband was too obviously interested in the leading lady, the
+outbreak was not to be wondered at. The manager himself was one of those
+round, flabby men, suggestive of a fat, spineless worm. Physique is
+often coindicant of character.</p>
+
+<p>This night the mother had been more obnoxious than usual. It was her
+habit to stand in the wings while the manager's wife was on the scene,
+and by petty distractions to goad the actress to expression.</p>
+
+<p>Gradually members of the Company were drawn into the dissension; it was
+an intolerable situation. Our sympathies were with the manager's wife,
+but we diplomatically held aloof. Matters finally reached a climax. One
+night during the performance there was a stage wait. In vain Will and
+the heavy man filled in the hiatus. The manager's wife had surprised the
+leading lady in the arms of her husband somewhere behind the scenes, and
+thereupon slapped the girl's face. A moment later<a name="page_057" id="page_057"></a> she came upon the
+stage to play her "big" scene; she was labouring under great emotion,
+and I thought she had never acted so well. In a speech to me (I played
+her daughter)&mdash;it was part of the stage business that I take her hand in
+mine; I am not sure that I did not press her hand in silent sympathy.
+She drew me towards her; in another moment the lady villain was sobbing
+in my arms, and there was an emotional storm not indicated in the
+manuscript of the author. I led her up stage as the house fairly rose to
+her splendid acting. When the storms of applause had died away we went
+on with the scene as if nothing had happened.</p>
+
+<p>I wonder why it is that women invariably punish their own sex and exempt
+the man? Do they instinctively demand a higher code of honour from their
+kind while meekly acquiescent to the conventional license for men?</p>
+
+<p>Subsequently the "angel" joined the Company, and, to all appearances, an
+adjustment was reached. For a time peace was restored. The leading lady
+assumed an air of injured innocence, and left off rouging her cheeks to
+heighten the effect. Then, suddenly&mdash;or gradually, I never realized how
+it came about&mdash;it became obvious to all that the leading lady<a name="page_058" id="page_058"></a> was
+"making a play" for Will. Her attentions became so marked that the men
+of the Company chaffed him about it, declaring the manager would
+presently challenge him to mortal combat, or&mdash;and what was more
+likely&mdash;discharge him from the Company. Will accepted their allusions in
+good part, but I observed the subject was distasteful to him. To me he
+called the woman "a little fool," and was irritated with being placed in
+so ridiculous a position. Indeed I think Will suffered as much as I did.
+Without being rude or boorish, there was nothing he could do to check
+her advances. She was planning her <i>début</i> as a star the following
+season, and made Will a proposition to become her leading man; she
+consulted him concerning the new plays which were being submitted to
+her, and planned for the current season special matinées of classic
+plays with which Will was familiar. She called him to preliminary
+rehearsal and discussions in her rooms at the hotel; sometimes, between
+the acts of the performance, called him to her dressing-room, where she
+received him in a state of <i>négligé</i>. New bits of stage business were
+introduced, or the old elaborated; she would run her fingers through
+his<a name="page_059" id="page_059"></a> hair, or prolong the kisses which the rôle demanded; or, in his
+embrace, she would draw her body close to his and writhe about him to a
+point of indecency. In countless, intangible ways she brought her
+blandishments to bear upon him. Will declared she was playing him
+against the manager, whose relations with her had become strained since
+his wife had interfered. In all things she was aided and abetted by her
+mother, who fawned on Will and made his position the more equivocal. My
+own emotions were confused; it was inconceivable that I should be
+jealous of the woman. No, the sensation she aroused was nothing more
+than disgust. To be jealous of my husband connoted a lack of faith, and
+he had done nothing to betray my trust in him.</p>
+
+<p>Jealousy had always appeared to me a debasing and an undignified
+emotion.... I resented the position in which my husband was placed; I
+would not add to his discomfiture by hectoring. I had promised myself
+when I married that never should I be jealous when I saw my husband
+making stage-love to another woman&mdash;perhaps in the back of my mind was
+the hope that I should always be the other woman, his leading lady.
+Nevertheless,<a name="page_060" id="page_060"></a> I was determined to stand the test without flinching. It
+was high time that I began to realize that the conditions which
+confronted me were but a part of the game&mdash;the <i>game</i>! The word was
+reminiscent of Miss Burton. I fought down the suggestion blindly,
+passionately.... I began to dread going to the theatre; often, while I
+was making up, I found Margherita's eyes fastened wistfully upon
+me&mdash;they told how she longed to comfort me. Unhappily I could not talk
+about the thing which was troubling me. What was there to say? There are
+emotions which never find tangible expression. Then the idea of asking
+my husband to resign from the Company suggested itself. I endeavoured to
+look at the question from a material standpoint: it would not be easy to
+find another engagement in mid-season, besides, there were the expensive
+railroad fares back to New York&mdash;we were then touring California&mdash;and
+probably another separation....</p>
+
+<p>Perhaps it was the strain of hard travel, or it may have been the
+certainty of my condition which I had heretofore only suspected, or a
+combination of both, which made me lose my self-control. I had always
+believed<a name="page_061" id="page_061"></a> strongly in the influence of suggestion upon the unborn child,
+and the unclean atmosphere in which I was living preyed upon my mind
+until it became an obsession. I grew to hate the woman and her
+witch-like mother. We had had some racking railroad jumps, and the loss
+of sleep was telling on every member of the Company; the leading lady
+was stimulating on champagne. Her mother stood in the wings, bottle and
+glass in hand, and applied the restorative whenever the girl came off
+the stage. One night, under the influence of the wine, she became more
+brazen in her advances to Will; she took liberties which made even her
+mother, watching in the wings, gasp with amusement. Something she said
+<i>sotto voce</i> to her mother reached my ears. I began to watch her. As the
+act progressed she elaborated the detail with ever-increasing audacity,
+and, when the action required her to throw herself in Will's arms, she
+flung me a look of laughing defiance, coincident with a broad wink to
+her mother&mdash;old Hecate of the wings&mdash;then fed upon his lips like a
+vampire sucking blood.</p>
+
+<p>I am not sure that I responded to the cue which some seconds later
+brought her into my arms. (We were fellow Nihilists under arrest.<a name="page_062" id="page_062"></a>) The
+contact of her hand against mine ... Will told me afterwards he would
+never have believed me possessed of such physical strength. I choked
+her.... I drove my nails into her flesh.... I dragged her to the wings
+and beat her with my fists.... I vented upon her the long pent-up
+fury.... Oh, the shame, the ignominy of it! I, who resented a vicious
+influence upon my unborn child&mdash;I, its mother, had descended to the
+level of a fishwife!... It was Margherita who brought me back to
+consciousness; it was she who restored to me a modicum of my
+self-respect. I believe she was secretly pleased at what I had done.</p>
+
+<p>That night, as she sat beside my bed, she told me something of herself.
+As a young girl she possessed a wonderful singing voice. Her
+parents&mdash;poor Italians&mdash;who came to America when she was a babe in arms,
+could not afford proper masters. She went on the stage to support
+herself, hoping to earn enough to pay for her musical education. Her
+beauty attracted a patron "of the arts"; at least, that is the way he
+was referred to in the newspapers. But it was not Margherita's art that
+he cared about&mdash;it was the woman. He considered<a name="page_063" id="page_063"></a> his money a fair
+exchange for her body; Margherita was not willing to pay the price. She
+struggled on, and one day, after several years of hazardous existence,
+she found herself stranded in a far Western city without money, without
+friends. In a state of despondency she had walked to the outskirts of
+the town, and there in a lonely wood she sat down to fight out a choice
+between life and death. In a moment of emotion she burst forth into
+song; her troubled soul found solace in Gounod's <i>Ave Maria</i>. At the end
+her voice broke, and she sobbed. A hand was laid on her shoulder. It was
+a big hand, strong and sinewy. The man that went with it was big&mdash;"big
+all the way through," Margherita said proudly. They were married not
+long after; ever since he had remained at her side, helping to fight for
+a clean career ... making her life's work his.... Dear Margherita! I can
+see you now, with your glorious black eyes, your coronet of raven hair
+with the poppies over your pretty ear.... Oh, the pity of it! Weakened
+by the hardships and privation her life entailed, she died a few years
+later....</p>
+
+<p>When Will came into the room that night, he held a paper in his hand. It
+was our resignation.<a name="page_064" id="page_064"></a> His eyes twinkled with humour when he told
+Margherita that he was taking the bull by the horns, and sparing us the
+ignominy of dismissal. I was glad to see he was not angry with me. Then
+Margherita whispered something into his ear. He came to the bed and took
+me in his arms, and what he said concerns only a man and wife....
+Margherita stole away, but before she went she kissed us both, and there
+were tears in her eyes.</p>
+
+<p>On the way back to New York, Will and I sat hand in hand looking out at
+the monotonous stretch of desert-land. "I'm glad to have it over&mdash;I'm
+glad that's out of our life," he reiterated, pressing my hand. "It was
+rotten!" Suddenly he burst out laughing. He continued long and
+sonorously. "Do you know, girlie," he said, "do you know that with a
+little more fullness of figure and a pair of two-inch heels, you'd make
+a grand Lady Macbeth? Phew!" and he laughed again.<a name="page_065" id="page_065"></a></p>
+
+<h3><a name="CHAPTER_IV" id="CHAPTER_IV"></a>CHAPTER IV</h3>
+
+<p class="nind">T<small>HE</small> question of bearing children had given me many a bad hour. My
+husband felt that the coming of a child, at the outset of his career,
+would be a burden and a handicap; once he was established and could
+afford to maintain a home, it would be time enough, he declared. He felt
+that, at best, children born and reared in the theatrical profession
+were the victims of unnatural conditions. It was not practicable to
+carry a young child about the country, and, if left behind, to the care
+of either relatives or hired attendants, the child was robbed of its
+natural protection. Obviously I must make up my mind to separate from
+one or the other&mdash;my child or my husband&mdash;until the little one was old
+enough to travel.</p>
+
+<p>Here arose another knotty problem. Children are little human sponges;
+they absorb the atmosphere of their environment. A stage-child is no
+more immune to the vicious influences<a name="page_066" id="page_066"></a> about it than to a scarlet-fever
+germ. Should I then be willing to expose my child to dangers of more
+far-reaching consequences than physical ailments, and at a time of life
+when character is formed? My husband and I discussed these problems at
+length, and finally concluded that, since the inevitable had happened,
+the wisest course was to make the best of it. How many children, I
+wonder, are conceived in the same spirit? How many births the result of
+accident? How few planned with the wish to bestow the best of one's
+flesh and spirit upon the little stranger? Can the influence of
+unwelcome conception upon the child itself ever be computed? May not
+criminal tendencies and moral delinquencies be traced to such a source?
+If, at the beginning, I were guilty of misdirected sentiment, I set
+myself to right the wrong as the weeks grew into months. I no longer
+chafed at separation; I lived in a kind of spiritual exaltation. My
+plans and dreams of the future were now transferred to the coming of my
+child.</p>
+
+<p>Will was so fortunate as to secure another engagement almost
+immediately. His success led to the opportunity he most desired, and in<a name="page_067" id="page_067"></a>
+the early autumn he played his first engagement as leading man of a New
+York production. The Company opened out of town; in theatrical parlance
+this is what they call "trying it on the dog."</p>
+
+<p>Our boy was born during Will's absence. It must have been very hard for
+Will to have the nervous strain of a first night's performance and the
+worry of my illness at the same time. I had gone to the hospital alone.
+Will had made the arrangements before he left town. He said he would
+feel better if he knew I was in skilled hands and not at the mercies of
+a lodginghouse-keeper. It seemed cruel to be alone at such a time. I
+cried a little when the big, cheery nurse held my boy for me to kiss....
+I wanted Will's arms around me as I had never longed for them before&mdash;or
+after.... The little chap had black hair like Will's, and his forehead
+bulged in the same way. I had always admired Will's forehead....</p>
+
+<p>Baby was six weeks old when his father first saw him. I laughed when he
+held the boy in his arms&mdash;he appeared so awkward. After a successful New
+York opening, the play settled down for a run. We moved from our
+furnished room to an apartment. Will found it<a name="page_068" id="page_068"></a> difficult to sleep with a
+crying baby in the same room. With the coming of the child, and the
+"front" Will's new position demanded, it was hard to make both ends
+meet; for a long time I did the housework except the washing, but when
+my health began to fail Will made me hire a servant.</p>
+
+<p>Will was very fond of our little boy. Even as a small baby, the child
+showed his preference for his father; he would stop crying the moment he
+heard Will's voice. Indeed, I believe that when temptation lured him in
+her most attractive form it was the child who held him close to me.</p>
+
+<p>Temptation there was plenty; his success had been unqualified. The
+critics hailed him as a young man with a great future. His pictures
+began to appear in the magazines and in the pictorial supplements of the
+Sunday papers. He joined an actors' club, where he dined on matinée
+days. Will's family developed a pride in him, hitherto carefully
+suppressed. They had shown decided disapproval of our marriage when it
+became expedient to announce it to them. My introduction to the family,
+during the week our late-lamented Company had played Will's home city,
+was strained and unsatisfactory.<a name="page_069" id="page_069"></a> Now, however, the sight of the family
+name in print gave unalloyed joy to Will's father, who collected
+newspaper clippings for Will's scrap-book with more zeal than did Will
+himself. Will said this sudden interest reminded him of a story he had
+heard at the club. It ran like this:</p>
+
+<p>A handsome young Irishman of humble parentage had long yearned for the
+footlights. Unable longer to restrain himself, he confided his ambitions
+to his mother. Now, the old lady was an ardent church-goer, and looked
+upon the stage as a quick chute to perdition.</p>
+
+<p>"Jimmie, Jimmie, me boy! To think you'd want to be an actor! To think
+you'd want to bring shame on your old mother, this disgrace on your dead
+father's good name!"</p>
+
+<p>The old lady rocked herself to and fro in her grief. In vain Jimmie
+endeavoured to soothe her. Finally the idea occurred to him.</p>
+
+<p>"But, mither, mither, darlin'," he caressed, "I'll not bring disgrace on
+your name&mdash;you know actors always change their names when they go on the
+stage, and no one will ever know who I am."<a name="page_070" id="page_070"></a></p>
+
+<p>The old lady stopped her moaning and was silent for a moment.</p>
+
+<p>"But, Jimmie," she protested, "Jimmie, supposin' you became a gr-r-e-at
+mon, supposin' you became a great lion, with your pictures in all the
+papers&mdash;and adornin' the fences ... then, Jimmie, how'll they know
+you're me son?" ...</p>
+
+<p>It was at a matinée that I first saw Will in his new part. It was the
+first time since our marriage that I had not heard his lines or helped
+him with his costumes. He had told me all about the play, and I knew the
+cue for his first entrance almost as well as he himself. My heart
+thumped so hard and fast I feared my neighbour would guess who I was.
+His entrance was greeted with a burst of gloved applause, accompanied
+with such exclamations as, "There he is!" "Isn't he a love!" ... "Just
+wait until you see how he can make love!" I confess I hardly knew
+whether to be proud, or indignant. The familiarity with which they
+discussed him grated on me; I resented the proprietary tone. Then I
+smiled at my silliness, for I realized that this very interest made for
+popularity, the most valuable of the actor's assets. I listened to the
+gush of the matinée<a name="page_071" id="page_071"></a> girls, and their discussion of the private lives of
+theatrical people with a good deal of amusement.</p>
+
+<p>Coming out of the theatre, I heard one woman ask another whether Will
+was married. I wondered what difference that would make in his
+popularity.</p>
+
+<p>After the matinée I went back to Will's dressing-room. Will had planned
+what he called a little junket. We were to dine together at a
+restaurant&mdash;a pleasure we could not often afford. While Will washed up I
+told him the nice things I had overheard. I predicted he would become a
+veritable matinée idol&mdash;a term which he scorned. There were some letters
+lying on his make-up table. I picked them up idly; Will followed my
+action.</p>
+
+<p>"Read them," he said. "You'll be amused. They are my first mash-notes."
+There was so much roguishness in his smile that I laughed back at him.
+Some of the letters were innocent enough, written in girlish hand, with
+requests for autographs and autographed photographs. One or two asked
+Will's advice about going on the stage, and there was one from a
+tooth-powder firm, wanting the right to use Will's picture in which his
+teeth showed. There<a name="page_072" id="page_072"></a> was one&mdash;a violet-scented note on fine linen,
+written in the large loose vertical scrawl so much affected by smart
+women&mdash;without signature. It ran as follows:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"If you will pardon this somewhat unconventional method of making
+your acquaintance, my dear Mr. Hartley, I shall be most happy to
+have you join me at tea, after the matinée, at Sherry's (other
+drinkables not excluded). I was present at the opening night of
+your play, and was quite carried away by your splendid acting.
+Where <i>did</i> you learn to make love? I have occupied the right hand
+proscenium box every Saturday matinée since the opening. Isn't that
+a proof of my devotion? Do I flatter myself that I have caught your
+eye once or twice as the curtain falls? I invariably dress in black
+and wear gardenias. If you are interested, you will have no
+difficulty in identifying me. For family reasons I withhold my name
+for the present. Do come, Mr. Hartley."</p></div>
+
+<p>As I folded the letter and replaced it in its cover, I recalled that
+Will <i>had</i> glanced towards the right hand proscenium box several times.</p>
+
+<p>"I think I'll put you on a car and send you home," began Will, but
+something in his voice belied his words, and I made him an impudent
+<i>moué</i>. "How do you like being married to a<a name="page_073" id="page_073"></a> matinée idol?" Will asked,
+giving the final touch to his dress.</p>
+
+<p>I did not reply; I was asking myself the same question.<a name="page_074" id="page_074"></a></p>
+
+<h3><a name="CHAPTER_V" id="CHAPTER_V"></a>CHAPTER V</h3>
+
+<p class="nind">W<small>ILL</small> made friends easily. Perhaps it were better to use the word
+"acquaintances." At any rate it was not long until he received more
+invitations than he could accept. He was called on to give his services
+for charitable purposes, but I noticed these hostesses never received
+him in their homes. It must be said that Will rarely accepted an
+invitation which did not include me, though I often realized I was
+invited as a necessary evil. After supper the guests invariably played
+poker, and I knew nothing about cards. The late hours sapped my
+strength, and my boy always wakened early in the morning. Sometimes the
+suppers were held at a well-known restaurant, like Rector's or Martin's.
+I had not the proper clothes for such occasions; it was imperative that
+Will dressed well, and I did not want it said that his wife was shabby.
+The other women wore wonderful gowns and much jewellery.</p>
+
+<p>After a winter's round of these parties, I was<a name="page_075" id="page_075"></a> able to distinguish one
+particular set from another. There is a smart set, a fast set and a
+loose set which, though none of them can be said to be strictly "in
+society," form a kind of brass-band appendage or fringe to it and differ
+one from the other only in their gradations&mdash;or degradations&mdash;of moral
+laxness. It is the loose set to which the actor is drawn, or inclines.
+One finds in this particular stratum the artist, the journalist, the
+divorcée and semi-detached woman whose name is legion. The lady who
+maintains a handsome apartment and entertains lavishly is probably a
+"kept" woman with an ambiguous past. Occasionally one finds a multiple
+divorcée with money, playing at patroness to some impecunious
+song-writer or handsome actor with more brawn than brain. But the "kept"
+lady predominates. She is ubiquitous. She dresses à la mode, she is an
+habituée of the smart restaurants, an inveterate first-nighter. Her
+"particular friend" may be a married man of the "my
+wife-don't-understand-me" brand, or he may be one of the "get-rich-quick
+floaters" who joyride across the financial horizon into oblivion. It is
+to this set the stall-fed woman of the leisure class turns to whet her
+jaded appetite. And a hostess'<a name="page_076" id="page_076"></a> Sunday AT HOME is highly suggestive of
+the "obit" of a Town Topics. Individually and collectively they are
+rotten. Mistaking the sex-heat aroused and stimulated by cocktails and
+other alcoholic beverages for real love and passion, they wallow in the
+erotic mire to their heart's content. Nobody criticizes; nobody cares;
+the faster the pace the greater the joy.</p>
+
+<p>It was upon this subject that my husband and I encountered our first
+real rift. He had commented rather flippantly on the moral tone of a
+recent supper party. We fell to discussing the players' status in
+society. I had observed that with one or two notable exceptions the
+actor is not received by "our best people." To be sure there are a few
+cities outside of New York where quite respectable families, bored by
+the drab routine of conventional society, entertain the actor as a kind
+of <i>sauce piquante</i> to their monotonous lives. But this is the exception
+and not the rule. Wholly misinterpreting my motive, Will defended his
+profession with a blind prejudice. After that he did not ask me to
+accompany him to the various functions. It became quite a common thing
+for him to telephone me from the Club that he<a name="page_077" id="page_077"></a> would not be home until
+late that night. I was sorry that I had expressed myself so plainly to
+Will; if only I could make him understand that I wanted him to be true
+to the best that was in him.... It hurt me to hear him speak lightly of
+the women with whom he associated, and still continue to go among them.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Burton was now a frequent visitor at our home. She adored the boy
+and never failed to bring him a present when she came. She took upon
+herself to lecture me for not going out with Will, declaring I was
+spoiling him, and that I would make him selfish. I thought over what she
+said, and resolved that I would go with Will when next he asked me. Also
+I began to formulate a little circle of my own. There was a sculptor to
+whom I was particularly attracted. He was a Western product, and was
+preparing to go abroad to study. I had always had a fondness for
+sculpture, and during my enforced retirement I amused myself at moulding
+with clay. A baby's hand I had made attracted his attention one day he
+had called on Will. He advised me to continue my efforts. Miss Burton
+sent me a wonderful outfit and I took up my work of sculpturing in
+earnest. My sculptor friend<a name="page_078" id="page_078"></a> brought other friends with him, and it
+became a regular thing for me to receive my friends on Sunday afternoon.
+I saw that Will enjoyed my little parties, though they were simple and I
+made no pretensions.</p>
+
+<p>One day&mdash;it was at Christmas time&mdash;Miss Burton sent me a beautiful gown;
+with the package came a characteristic note: she begged me to accept the
+gown and not to feel hurt, that she was dead broke and could not afford
+to make me a "decent" Christmas present. The gown, she said, had been
+spoiled by the dressmaker, who had made it much too tight, and it would
+make her happy if I would accept it with her love....</p>
+
+<p>It was so pretty&mdash;all creamy white and fluffy, and there were little
+pink flowers scattered over the net. I put it on ... and, as I looked at
+myself in the mirror, I felt quite pleased with the reflection. White
+was always becoming to me.... I did not tell Will about my present, but
+the next time he casually mentioned an invitation to dinner I accepted
+with an alacrity which surprised him.</p>
+
+<p>When Sunday came, I dressed with the excitement of a conspirator, and
+when Will called me to help him with his tie I walked<a name="page_079" id="page_079"></a> into his room
+with an air of unconcern worthy of a star. Will was delighted with my
+appearance.</p>
+
+<p>When we entered the house of our hostess I no longer felt the desire to
+hide myself; instead, I felt quite mistress of myself. It's wonderful
+what a difference clothes will make in one's feelings. Miss Burton told
+me once that, whenever she was down on her luck and felt depressed, she
+forthwith went on a sartorial debauch. She bought everything in sight.
+Her new clothes re-established her self-respect, and somehow, some way,
+a good engagement came along and helped her to pay for her prodigality.</p>
+
+<p>We were a little late in arriving, and when I came down from the
+bedroom, where I had left my wrap, the second round of cocktails was
+being passed. Will was standing at the foot of the stairs talking with
+his hostess. A large nude figure carrying softly shaded lights decorated
+the newel-post, and screened me from view of the woman who was talking
+to Will.</p>
+
+<p>"You handsome dog!" I heard her say. "What have you been doing to Alice?
+She's gone clean off her head&mdash;threatens to leave her husband, and is
+drinking like a fish!"<a name="page_080" id="page_080"></a></p>
+
+<p>"I haven't done anything," Will began, but at that moment our hostess
+saw me and nudged Will, who joined me and we entered the drawing-room.</p>
+
+<p>I felt Will's questioning eyes on my face, but I did not look at him;
+instead, I gave my hand rather impulsively to my sculptor friend who was
+standing alone, and I did not notice the returning pressure until my
+wedding ring cut into the flesh, and made me wince. I was wondering who
+"Alice" could be and what Will had to do with her. Our hostess's
+"friend" was present. He was a middle-aged man with a ruddy complexion,
+iron gray hair and a closely cropped moustache. I had once seen him at
+the Horse Show in one of the boxes, and he had been pointed out to me as
+a prominent railroad man. He greeted Will noisily.</p>
+
+<p>"Hello, Hartley," he yelled, "you're late on your cue. I suppose you
+wanted to make an effective entrance!"</p>
+
+<p>At the table I sat next to the sculptor; on my other hand was a dentist
+who had leaped into fame by having been expelled from a certain European
+country where he had set up a successful practice. A <i>liaison</i> with the
+wife of a man close to the throne had led to his downfall,<a name="page_081" id="page_081"></a> and he had
+returned to his native land to be received with open arms by the set in
+which we were now travelling. He had a face such as I imagined Molière
+conceived for his Tartuffe; his voice was caressing and made me sleepy.
+Opposite me sat a well-known star. He was famous for his magnetism.
+Although I could not discern it, there must have existed something of
+the sort, for every leading woman who engaged with him, sooner or later,
+succumbed to his charm. I myself knew of one girl whose life was almost
+ruined when he took up with another woman who had joined his Company to
+play a special engagement. This girl was one of the prettiest I ever
+saw; she was "chaperoned" by a complaisant mother. This irresistible
+gentleman was married, but his wife refused to live with him and made
+her home abroad. For the sake of the children she refused to divorce
+him.</p>
+
+<p>A comic opera singer sat beside the hostess. The dentist, assuming that
+I knew the situation, asked me, <i>sotto voce</i>, how long I thought it
+would be before "papa took a tumble to himself." When I confessed my
+inability to follow him, he proceeded to enlighten me. The hostess was
+infatuated with the singer, who was<a name="page_082" id="page_082"></a> as poor as Job's turkey, and while
+her protector was absent&mdash;(he was married and had several grown
+children)&mdash;the lady consoled herself with song. This easy,
+matter-of-fact way in which these topics were discussed, the utter lack
+of restraint between the sexes, no longer shocked me. I was on the point
+of asking my purveyor of illicit news whether he could tell me who Alice
+was; instead, I turned to the bored man at my right, and by degrees I
+got him to tell me of his ambitions, his work and his ideas of life. I
+found we had much in common.</p>
+
+<p>While we were talking, there was a noisy argument going on at the other
+end of the table.</p>
+
+<p>"I wouldn't stand it for one minute!" rang out the voice of our hostess,
+and I saw her shoot a meaning glance at the singer.</p>
+
+<p>"Ask an actor's wife! Ask Mrs. Hartley!" bellowed the host. "Mrs.
+Hartley?"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes?" I responded, not knowing the subject of conversation.</p>
+
+<p>"Pardon me for interrupting so interesting a conversation, won't you,
+Calhoun," he said, addressing my sculptor friend with exaggerated
+courtesy. "I'll give her back to you in a minute....<a name="page_083" id="page_083"></a> Mrs. Hartley, the
+ladies want to know how it feels to watch your husband make love to
+another woman?"</p>
+
+<p>I caught Will's eye. At another time I should have been embarrassed.
+To-night, however, I felt a strange self-control.</p>
+
+<p>"Oh dear, what an old chestnut!" I answered flippantly. "I believe
+that's the nine hundred and ninety-ninth time I've answered that
+question this season." I noticed that my voice took on a bored tone.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, tell us!" urged mine host.</p>
+
+<p>"To tell the truth," I began, "I never give it a thought."</p>
+
+<p>Will's eyes twinkled; he was seated at the far end of the table between
+two stall-feds.</p>
+
+<p>"It's a part of the business," I continued, "just as dictating to his
+typewriter is a part of the routine of a business man. Does every wife
+suspect her husband's stenographer?"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes! yes!" came the chorus from the curvilinear gentlemen at the other
+end of the table.</p>
+
+<p>I shrugged my shoulders. "Very well, then, it seems to me, since you
+gentlemen won't behave, that it is up to the women to see that you do!"
+I sat down. I felt ashamed of my vulgarity.<a name="page_084" id="page_084"></a> Our host suggested a toast
+and scrambled to his feet. "Here's to our wives and sweethearts&mdash;may
+they never meet!"</p>
+
+<p>There was more laughter. The dentist murmured something about moss-grown
+jokes, and the hostess asked why husbands and lovers were excluded. I
+felt my mouth drawing down at the corners, and I buried my lips in the
+American Beauty rose the sculptor had purloined from the centre-piece.</p>
+
+<p>It was probably the frequent replenishing of the wine glasses which led
+the doctor-dentist to level all his batteries of fascination upon me. He
+moved nearer and closer, until even the hostess noticed his efforts; she
+thought it funny. Finally, he slipped his hand beneath the table and let
+it rest upon my knee. I arose and asked the sculptor to exchange seats
+with me. I think he understood, for as I passed him he said to me in a
+low, intense tone, "Is that beast annoying you?" I did not answer. In my
+confusion I upset a glass of wine, and the wine-agent across the table
+told me he was sorry I didn't like his wine.</p>
+
+<p>As the dinner progressed some spicy stories were exchanged. The time we
+lingered at the table seemed interminable. Mr. Calhoun told<a name="page_085" id="page_085"></a> me I should
+take a drink of brandy, for I was growing quite pale. He could not, of
+course, realize that at that moment I had suddenly noticed that Will's
+companion was dressed all in black and wore gardenias. A moment later
+the hostess had called her "Alice." ... She leered at Will with
+wine-shot eyes, her breath coming in quick, short gasps, and I noticed
+that his right and her left hand were under the table....</p>
+
+<p>As we left the table I had asked Mr. Calhoun what time it was. When he
+told me it was after eleven I ran quickly up the stairs to the room
+where I had seen a telephone. It was my habit to awaken my boy at
+half-after nine every night to give him nourishment. He was put to bed
+at five o'clock, and the period between that and morning was too long to
+go without food. I wanted to ask my maid whether she had remembered my
+instructions. The telephone was in a kind of closet off the hostess's
+bedroom; beyond the bedroom was her boudoir, reached by a door from the
+corridor. I had finished with my message, and was about to go
+downstairs, where the singing had begun, when I heard someone enter the
+boudoir beyond. I stopped and drew back,<a name="page_086" id="page_086"></a> why, I do not know. A moment
+later there were footsteps on the stairs, and Will entered the room. He
+came quickly and began speaking at once.</p>
+
+<p>"My dear Alice," he said, "this thing can't go on. You are making a fool
+of me and of yourself. The first thing you know your husband will get on
+to it and there will be the devil to pay!"</p>
+
+<p>"That's right! Make it harder for me," the woman answered. "Why do you
+always bring my husband into the conversation? You know how it is
+between us. We haven't lived as man and wife for years. He's never
+understood me and I can't go on with him any longer. I won't&mdash;that's
+all!"</p>
+
+<p>There was a pause before Will spoke again.</p>
+
+<p>"Come on, don't go on like that; everybody will know what's happened.
+You'll spoil your eyes."</p>
+
+<p>Another pause. I think these silences were the hardest to bear....</p>
+
+<p>"You had no right to let it go this far if you didn't care," the woman
+went on resentfully.</p>
+
+<p>"This far? How do you mean? There has been nothing that you need be
+ashamed of<a name="page_087" id="page_087"></a>&mdash;nothing that you couldn't tell your husband if it came
+right down to it," answered Will.</p>
+
+<p>The woman laughed angrily. "Is that so? I suppose you count a few motor
+rides and a few suppers on the side nothing. I suppose you wouldn't mind
+telling your wife that you had held me in your arms and kissed my eyes
+and my hair...."</p>
+
+<p>"Good Heavens! neither of us meant anything wrong! We were just carried
+away for a few minutes&mdash;you're a fascinating devil&mdash;and the wine helped
+some.... Now, don't do that, don't do any of that foolish business with
+me...."</p>
+
+<p>What was she doing, I wondered? Did she intend to kill him or kill
+herself? I almost started to Will's rescue, then&mdash;she laughed.</p>
+
+<p>"Powder your nose and let's go down. Somebody will notice our absence."</p>
+
+<p>Evidently she obeyed, for there was another pause.</p>
+
+<p>"You needn't worry about your wife," she said. "The giant from the West
+is keeping her busy. Better keep your eye on him."</p>
+
+<p>Will did not reply. My eardrums seemed on the point of bursting from the
+surging of the blood to my head.<a name="page_088" id="page_088"></a></p>
+
+<p>They came out into the corridor. At the head of the steps she stopped.</p>
+
+<p>"I suppose it amuses you to make women love you," she said.</p>
+
+<p>"My dear woman, you don't love me; I don't flatter myself to that
+extent."</p>
+
+<p>She laughed sneeringly.</p>
+
+<p>Would they never go?</p>
+
+<p>"Kiss me good-night and good-bye," she half whispered.</p>
+
+<p>"This is the last one," he answered, "the last, remember."</p>
+
+<p>There was a stifled cry as she clung to him, and I saw Will release
+himself and run down the steps. A few minutes later she followed. I
+found my way down the servants' stairs and entered the dining-room from
+the butler's pantry. When Will came to look for me I was drinking brandy
+frappée with the wine merchant.... That night I slept on a couch beside
+my boy's crib.<a name="page_089" id="page_089"></a></p>
+
+<h3><a name="CHAPTER_VI" id="CHAPTER_VI"></a>CHAPTER VI</h3>
+
+<p class="nind">A<small>FTER</small> that memorable dinner party things were never quite the same
+between Will and me. I am sure, however, that Will was unconscious of
+the fact. He went about as usual. At this juncture Boy came down with
+scarlet-fever. The enforced quarantine acted as a bar to any intimacy
+between my husband and me. I welcomed the isolation. My feelings had not
+yet recovered from the bruise I had received. How many times I had
+re-lived the scene to which I had been an unwilling eavesdropper! I
+blamed myself for not at once having made my presence known. I excused
+myself on the ground that to have done so would have placed Will in a
+ridiculous and embarrassing situation. For some inexplicable reason the
+idea of embarrassing my husband was repugnant to me. My resentment was
+concentrated against the woman. I felt sure she was to blame. I invented
+all kinds of excuses for Will and at the same time I recognized<a name="page_090" id="page_090"></a> that
+they were pure inventions. I could not bring myself to kiss my
+husband&mdash;at least, not for a long, long time. His arms no longer
+connoted a haven. How utterly wretched I was&mdash;how lonely and
+heart-hungry! Only a fierce struggle with my self-respect kept me from
+throwing myself into my husband's arms and crying out my hurt against
+his breast.</p>
+
+<p>After Boy had recovered, Will one day remarked that I was looking tired.
+He said I was stopping indoors too closely&mdash;would I not accompany him to
+a little ... I tingled all over my body. I dared not trust myself to
+look at him. Instead I forced a smile and shook my head in negation.</p>
+
+<p>"I reckon you don't like the bunch," he quizzed.</p>
+
+<p>"I fear I'm not even a little bit of a sport," I answered.</p>
+
+<p>He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. The glance was
+characteristic of Will. Often I had seen this same expression when some
+one had recognized him on the street or in a restaurant. It was a
+curious blend of boyish self-consciousness and exaggerated unconcern.</p>
+
+<p>With the coming of summer began the annual<a name="page_091" id="page_091"></a> hunt for an engagement. A
+walk along that part of Broadway known as the Rialto during the early
+months of the heated term leaves the impression that there has been a
+lock-out of the whole theatrical profession. Actors block the corners
+and hem the sidewalks. The supply far exceeds the demand. Year after
+year they make the weary rounds of the agencies. Season follows season
+with but a few weeks' employment for many of them. One wonders that the
+impermanency of his profession does not drive the actor to other
+vocations&mdash;perhaps "trades" were the better word, since the rank and
+file are better adapted to plumbing than to acting. The microbe which
+infects the actor is as deadly in its effect as the Tsi-tsi fly. It
+produces an exaggerated ego from which the victim never recovers. The
+only palliative is the lime-light. Retirement from the stage is never
+permanent. Farewell tours of prominent players, like the brook, go on
+forever. It is the spirit of make-believe with which the actor is
+saturated which leads him to make a front even to his confrères. "Signed
+for next season?" one overhears, edging one's way through the crowd.</p>
+
+<p>"No, not yet&mdash;I've had several good offers,<a name="page_092" id="page_092"></a> but not just what I want.
+I'm in no hurry," and he twirls his cane with a nonchalant air, though
+he may not have the price of next week's board-bill. And so it goes, ad
+infinitum. His is the kingdom of bluff.</p>
+
+<p>Will was one of the fortunates. After several weeks of haggling over
+salary, he was engaged by "America's foremost producer." The actor of
+established position&mdash;"established" being a mere figure of speech, since
+at best the actor's position is an aleatory one&mdash;those of prominence
+usually demand to read the play before signing a contract. In this
+instance Will waived this privilege. Absolute secrecy was maintained as
+to the character of the play. The reason for this lay in the fact that
+the manager was at war with the Theatrical Syndicate. His grievances he
+had made known to the public. As a lone, solitary Saint George of <i>art</i>,
+fighting the monster dragon, <i>commercialism</i>, he made a "play" for the
+public's sympathy&mdash;and won it.</p>
+
+<p>The momentous question of employment disposed of, we started for our
+summer holiday. It was Will's first idea to go to a village on Nantucket
+Island. Here a group of more or less successful actor-folk had
+established a summer<a name="page_093" id="page_093"></a> colony. Some of them owned comfortable bungalows
+or were in the throes of buying them. After maturer deliberation Will
+concluded he wanted a change of "atmosphere." In other words he wanted
+to get away from "shop." A residential park in the Catskills was finally
+decided upon. The cottagers were for the most part staid Brooklyn
+families and Will felt in this environment he was reasonably sure of
+privacy. The delusion was a short-lived one. As we left the train and
+made our way to the 'bus which was to convey us to the Park I heard a
+whisper and titter from a bevy of pretty girls who had come to the
+railway station to watch the new arrivals. "There's Mr. Blank, the
+actor!" and Will understood that he was "discovered." Some of the girls
+climbed into the 'bus, others followed on foot. All giggled and made
+significant remarks. At the Inn it was immediately noised about that an
+actor was in "our midst." We became the cynosure of all eyes. Curious
+maiden ladies looked us over&mdash;at a respectful distance. Our most
+insignificant movements were under observation. Now, it is one thing to
+be stared at on the stage; quite another to have the minutest detail of
+one's private life under constant<a name="page_094" id="page_094"></a> surveillance. Will, who had planned
+to live the simple life, which he had construed for himself as going
+unshaved for days at a time, wearing baggy trousers and flannel shirts
+all day and dining in that garb if it so pleased him, now found himself
+donning white ducks (the salvage of a former season's wardrobe), playing
+tennis, bridge, or lounging about the piazza answering endless inane
+questions concerning the stage and its people. If we went for a walk we
+were soon overtaken; if we planned a quiet day in the woods there was
+arranged an impromptu picnic-party to accompany us. To be sure the
+attention thrust upon us was of kindly intent, though Will declared the
+pleasure was theirs and more or less selfishly bestowed. An actor and
+his family at close range is a novelty apparently as much coveted as a
+man at a seaside after the week-end hejira back to town.</p>
+
+<p>One week of the cuisine at the Inn drove Will to dyspepsia tablets.
+Instead of fresh vegetables, home-grown fowl and the other concomitants
+of the country-board illusions, we were served with such delicacies as
+creamed cod-fish, canned salmon and johnny cake. I came to the
+conclusion that the housekeeping<a name="page_095" id="page_095"></a> and servant problems had driven the
+Brooklynites to a state of submission where even the fare provided by
+the Inn was better than Bridget's dictation.</p>
+
+<p>The rooms of the caravansary were veritable cockle-shells. The
+partitions were so thin that we carried on all conversation in subdued
+whispers. We wished that other guests would emulate our example, alas
+and alack! Up with the lark and early morning sunbursts were not in
+Will's curriculum. He said he did not object to a sunrise if he could
+sit up all night with convivial friends to await it. And, when a man is
+in the habit of lying abed till noon, it is difficult to change his
+régime. He soon developed nerves. One morning, after futile attempts to
+sleep, Will dragged himself into his clothes and disappeared. When
+finally he returned he had the roguish face of a boy who had been
+stealing little red apples. He had found a farm-house and after some
+"dickering" on both sides he had rented house, farm and all for the
+remainder of the season.</p>
+
+<p>"Just think, girlie," he enthused, "what a circus it will be! There's a
+garden with all kinds of vegetables, there's a cow, bushels of<a name="page_096" id="page_096"></a>
+chickens, an old nag, a dog, to say nothing of the pigs and &mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Who," I gasped, "who is going to care for this menagerie?"</p>
+
+<p>"We are&mdash;you and me. Besides I need the exercise. I want to take off a
+few pounds of this embonpoint or I'll lose my 'figger.' Of course
+there's a hired man who'll come in to do the milking and the heavy work,
+and his sister will cook and 'tidy up' for us. It'll be great!" He
+stopped long enough to throw out his chest, inhale deeply and to exhale
+noisily while he pounded his lungs&mdash;a little trick he had of expressing
+a sense of well-being. "Fresh vegetables, fresh eggs and the cow&mdash;think
+what the cow will do for the kiddie! You never saw me work, did
+you?&mdash;man with the hoe business, I mean. I used to love that kind of
+thing when I went home to visit the old folks in the summer. Come along,
+girlie, let's get things together. The coach and four will be here
+soon."</p>
+
+<p>He swung Boy over his shoulder and carried him pick-a-back to our room.
+While we packed he told me the details of his "find." The farm belonged
+to an old man and his wife, whose children&mdash;three sons&mdash;had yielded to<a name="page_097" id="page_097"></a>
+the call of the city. Bit by bit the lonely old couple had sold the
+land, not being able to work it themselves and unsuccessful in their
+attempts to induce the children to return to their heritage. For a long
+time they had "hankered" to visit the boys in Brooklyn, but money was
+scarce and the little farm with the live stock could not be left uncared
+for. The old man had advertised the homestead for rent, furnished. "The
+few who came to see had one excuse or another for not wanting it," the
+old man had told Will. "Most of 'em wanted a bath and runnin' water and
+they shied at the oil lamps."</p>
+
+<p>"They evidently wanted the simple life with all modern appliances," Will
+continued. "After talking it over with Ma whilst I waited on the porch
+drinking buttermilk, Pa returned and asked if I meant business. I
+assured him I did and proved it by offering to pay the summer's rent in
+advance."</p>
+
+<p>I caught my breath. Mental arithmetic failed me. Will had told me before
+leaving New York that we were "playing pretty close to the cushion," and
+I knew what that meant. If Will noticed my perturbation he evinced no
+sign, but went on in the same enthusiastic vein.<a name="page_098" id="page_098"></a> "Pa and Ma talked it
+over again, 'If Ma ain't lost her taste for visiting Brooklyn,'&mdash;Ma
+hadn't, but she wanted a week to get ready. Pa said he could pack all he
+wanted in a paper bag. I said I must have the place at once or not at
+all&mdash;and&mdash;here we are." I was not surprised at our sudden change of
+base. Will always acted on the impulse of the moment.</p>
+
+<p>When Will went down to pay our hotel bill it was lunch-time. Nearly all
+the cottagers in the Park had assembled. Much regret was expressed at
+our desertion of the Inn. (I quite understood that "our" was a mere form
+of courtesy, inasmuch as I was looked upon as only an appendage hitched
+to a star.) Will laid our desertion to the Boy. "He needs a cow," he
+explained blandly to a group of admirers. "A child of his age needs one
+brand of milk. One can't be too careful in hot weather, you know," and
+Will's whole bearing portrayed paternal solicitude. The farm wagon
+arrived opportunely. Will winked at me. He had told me that he was
+"side-stepping" the lunch of dried lima beans and creamed cod-fish. "I
+wanted to do it gracefully, of course. They are all nice people and it's
+good business. That's the kind of thing<a name="page_099" id="page_099"></a> that gives an actor his
+following; just the same I'm glad to get away and relax. This being
+always on parade&mdash;! They simply won't concede an actor any privacy. They
+won't let you be natural. They expect you to act 'on' and 'off.'"</p>
+
+<p>It was a long and bumpy drive to the farm. We could have walked it in a
+third of the time by cutting 'cross country. The poor old horse driven
+by Aaih, the farm hand, looked moth-eaten and worn. It hurt my
+conscience to add to his burden, so Will and I climbed down and walked
+the rest of the way. Will, carrying Boy first on his shoulder and then
+on his back, reminded me of pictures I had seen of early settlers making
+their way through the wilds in search of a home. Once in every little
+while Will would burst forth in a lusty halloa which made the welkin
+ring. "Halloa" came back from the echoing hills. Even Boy saluted the
+great god Pan. There was an exhilaration in the air which made one glad
+to be alive.</p>
+
+<p>It was a noisy trio which swung into the lane leading to the farm house.
+Ma was on the front porch awaiting us. She made a quaint picture in her
+rusty black alpaca with her gingham apron half turned back under her
+arm. At<a name="page_100" id="page_100"></a> her neck there was an old daguerreotype set in a
+brooch&mdash;probably a likeness of a child she had lost. The lack-lustre
+eyes were kindly, almost pensively so, and the red spots in her cheeks
+indicated the excitement under which she laboured. While we sprawled on
+the porch she bustled about for buttermilk. Boy had taken a shine to
+Aaih, and refused to leave him for the "one brand of milk," the virtues
+of which Will had expounded to the lady cottagers. Pa called out a
+friendly greeting from the kitchen where he was "poking up the fire" in
+response to orders from his wife. The odour of cooking things whetted
+our already keen appetites. "I had Pa kill a chicken at the last
+minute," the dear old lady explained, "for everybody who comes to the
+country hankers for fried chicken." I shot a glance at Will. Will was "a
+nice feeder" and I devoutly hoped his epicurean tastes would not balk at
+a freshly-killed fowl. It would be a sin not to appreciate the old
+lady's kindliness. Mentally I resolved to eat every helping if it killed
+me.</p>
+
+<p>I fear there was poor picking for Aaih after we left the table. I helped
+Ma with the dishes and after they were cleared away she<a name="page_101" id="page_101"></a> showed me the
+run of the house. Later we joined the men folks out of doors and made a
+tour of the farm. There was something pathetic in the way they asked us
+to take good care of Snyder, whose mixed breed reminded one of the much
+advertised pickles. Old Ben, we were told, was not fast but he was
+trust-worthy even in the face of automobiles. Good laying hens were
+pointed out, but I could never remember one from the other. We made the
+acquaintance of Bossy and were warned that the other cow with a calf was
+not so friendly. We talked so long that at the last moment Ma got
+flustered. She came very near forgetting the home-made jelly she was
+taking to her niece at Kingston where they were to stay the night, going
+on to New York on the morrow. When at last they drove away to take the
+train, we followed the buggy to the end of the lane, then watched them
+out of sight with much waving of hands and repeated good-byes. The sun
+was dropping behind the peaks. Across the valley spiral coils of smoke
+showed gray against the blue-green hills. How calm, how serene it was!
+Neither spoke. Will was leaning against the snake-rail fence,
+thoughtfully ruminating. Presently he fell to whistling<a name="page_102" id="page_102"></a> softly. I
+smiled. "Give my regards to Broadway, remember me to Herald Square" was
+ludicrously out of joint with our surroundings. Will divined my thoughts
+and smiled quizzically at me over his shoulder. "It's a long way from
+Broadway, eh, girlie?"</p>
+
+<p>"Not nearly long enough!" I responded. And I was right. If, upon leaving
+the Inn we had deluded ourselves with the idea of retiring from the
+public eye, we soon discovered our mistake. Our retreat was unearthed;
+our privacy intruded upon. At inopportune moments passers-by would
+appear ostensibly to inquire their way, obviously to get a glimpse of
+the actor "at play." It came to be an annoyance, especially after Will
+was caught in the act of clearing out a duck pond or helping Aaih to
+whitewash a chicken-house. When Will indulged in manual labour he
+relieved himself of all superfluous clothing. When a hero does this sort
+of thing on the stage he manages somehow to look pretty. But a matinée
+idol with streaks of whitewash laid across his sweating brow, sundry
+snaggs in disreputable trousers, a handkerchief around his neck with
+utter disregard of artistic effect, is a treat reserved for the bosom of
+his immediate family<a name="page_103" id="page_103"></a> only. So, after repeated offences, whilom visitors
+were warned off by the threatening admonition&mdash;in more or less uneven
+lettering&mdash;</p>
+
+<p class="c">"PRIVATE PROPERTY&mdash;NO ADMITTANCE."</p>
+
+<p>Experience Dorset was Aaih's sister. She might have been his twin, so
+alike were they. The only apparent difference was that plainness in a
+man becomes homeliness in a woman. In so far as we were able to
+discover, Experience belied her name. True, she made delicious bread and
+crullers, and one never felt her apple dumplings after forty-eight
+hours, but, other than these, Experience's experience was as drab as her
+complexion. She was slow of speech&mdash;and exhaustive. Her invariable "Now,
+ma'am, what'll I fly at next?" was contradictory to her deliberation.
+Nothing ruffled her. In a temperamental family this asset is not to be
+despised. To Experience Will was an enigma. She confided to me, soon
+after allying herself with our household, that she was never sure when
+Will was making believe and when he was himself. She felt certain he
+must sometimes mix himself up. It was her way of explaining a dual
+personality.</p>
+
+<p>Will liked to play golf. Several times a<a name="page_104" id="page_104"></a> week we tramped across the
+hills to the Club, some two miles distant. We never left the links
+without several girls in our train. It was impossible to shake them off.
+Sometimes they accompanied us to the house and sat on the porch to rest.
+Later they discovered that afternoon tea was an institution with me. I
+am sure that Experience enjoyed these little tea-parties as much as did
+the girls. Punctually at four o'clock she would appear on the porch,
+neatly dressed. With scissors in hand she raided the flower-beds for
+lady-slippers and clove-geranium with which to adorn the table. The
+stone jar in which she kept the cookies was never empty. And when the
+girls came trooping up the lane she was the first to hear them and to
+rouse Will from his siesta.</p>
+
+<p>Will said he felt like a bull in a china shop at these informal teas. I
+thought he was charming and agreeable though he pretended he was bored.
+After tea we would wander out of doors. Nearly all the girls took
+snap-shots of Will. He tried to find a new pose for each of them. "The
+man with the hoe" showed Will among the cabbages, resting on the handle
+of the hoe. "Under the old apple tree" was effective even if the apple
+tree was an oak.<a name="page_105" id="page_105"></a> Reclining on a mound of hay, carted for the purpose by
+the faithful Aaih, was labelled "In the good old summer time." "The
+actor at play" showed Will with a golf-stick in his hand. Later Will
+autographed the pictures.</p>
+
+<p>Many were the questions we were called upon to answer concerning the
+stage as a career. We were asked to verify all sorts of silly gossip
+about players. It was well-nigh impossible to convince them that all
+male stars were not in love with their leading ladies and vice versa. It
+goes without saying that I should not escape the inevitable question,
+"How did I feel when I saw my husband making love to another woman?" It
+amused me to watch the little subterfuges to which the girls resorted to
+win my favour. Bon-bons were the bribes most in vogue. One day I
+overheard a newcomer to our circle tell another girl, "You didn't tell
+me he was married&mdash;and a baby, too. How terribly unromantic! I'll never
+go to see him act again as long as I live."</p>
+
+<p>Will and I laughed over the situation, albeit there is a considerable
+ground for the managerial contention that actors and actresses should
+not marry, or, if married, the fact<a name="page_106" id="page_106"></a> should be suppressed rather than
+advertised. Indeed, who likes to think of her Romeo as dawdling a
+colicky baby during the wee sma' hours about the time he should be
+exclaiming with unfettered fervour, "What light from yonder window
+breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun!" I recall a tragedy of my
+own romantic youth upon discovering that a favourite actor was not only
+a father, but that he wore&mdash;O, horrible, most horrible&mdash;a toupee!</p>
+
+<p>There was no escaping the amateur theatricals. I predicted it early in
+the summer. The proceeds of the entertainment were to be applied toward
+the discharging of the debt of the Golf Club. Will was asked to take
+entire charge of the programme. His position was no sinecure.</p>
+
+<p>It was their first intention to give "As You Like It" in the open, but
+as every young woman thought herself particularly adapted to the
+requirements of Rosalind, Will found himself in a delicate position. The
+young men of the community themselves cut the Gordian knot. They aspired
+to be comedians. Vaudeville was finally decided upon. A quartette of
+college students blacked up and gave a minstrel<a name="page_107" id="page_107"></a> show. Some of the jokes
+were local and aimed at the idiosyncrasies of the cottagers. Others were
+purloined from Jo Miller's joke-book. There was a trombone solo by the
+village farrier, several vocal duets and a selection from the Mikado.
+Will contributed several monologues. But the star feature of the evening
+was the performance of Dolly in a scene from the Wizard of Oz. She was a
+dainty creature with Dresden china beauty and bovine eyes and had been
+much admired by the male contingent of the colony. Everybody felt sure
+there was a treat in store for them. There was. When Dolly entered,
+leading the amiable Bossy, a gasp reverberated through the erstwhile
+bowling alley. Dolly's short skirt revealed nether extremities which
+would have done great credit to Barnum's fat lady or a baby grand piano!</p>
+
+<p>Our vacation passed all too quickly. The day approached when we needs
+must bid good-bye to our retreat.... The memory of the old farm-house
+lingers still. The chill in the air at nightfall; the warmth of the
+log-fire; the sense of comfort and content; the green paste-board shade
+on the lamp; the rag rug on the floor. In my mind's eye I see the old
+couple<a name="page_108" id="page_108"></a> sitting here of winter nights; Ma, piecing together the
+vari-coloured rags for the summer weaving; Pa, nodding over last week's
+news; Snyder stretched out in front of the fire, whimpering in his
+dreams. How far removed from the feverish walk of our life, with its
+hopes, its struggles, its heart-burns, and its empty fame! Yet, they, as
+we, were "merely players."<a name="page_109" id="page_109"></a></p>
+
+<h3><a name="CHAPTER_VII" id="CHAPTER_VII"></a>CHAPTER VII</h3>
+
+<p class="nind">R<small>EHEARSALS</small> for the new play began in August. The days were wilting but
+the theatrical world up and doing. Every available stage, hall and loft
+was requisitioned. Several companies shared the same stage, dividing the
+hours between them. Will's manager had his own theatre and the
+rehearsals were all-day affairs. Will studied his part at night after
+"the family" had retired. Sometimes I would lie awake and listen to him,
+talking aloud, reading a line first with one inflection and then trying
+another. Will's voice was one of his greatest assets.</p>
+
+<p>Experience had come back to town with us. Before leaving the mountains,
+Will had jestingly asked her whether she would like to see Broadway. She
+took him at his word. We flattered ourselves she had become fond of us.
+We discovered later that it was the profession, not the family, which
+lured her. She had found a new volume of faery lore. Will was<a name="page_110" id="page_110"></a> the faery
+prince. Sometimes I wondered just how Experience reconciled Will's
+morning grumpiness with her preconceived notion of a hero. I recall how
+after seeing Will in a new rôle he had asked her how she liked him. She
+expressed herself as pleased with the play in general and with him in
+particular. But after he left the room she confided to me the following:
+"Ain't he the naturalest thing when he yells at that man with the
+powdered hair, Jackwees or somethin' like that&mdash;'Jackwees, bring me my
+sword!' I declare, ma'am, I jumped a foot and started for that sword! It
+was so natural; that's just the way he yells when I forget the morning
+papers."</p>
+
+<p>The reliability of Experience brought me more leisure. I was free to go
+about without worry over the boy. I felt that intellectually I needed
+stimulus and I planned a winter's work. Of course everything depended
+upon the play "getting over," to use the vernacular. Will said he did
+not see how it could fail. Everyone connected with the production said
+the same thing. Success was in the air. Several times I had dropped in
+to see a rehearsal. I was interested to know the "method" of this
+particular manager about whom so much had<a name="page_111" id="page_111"></a> been written. His productions
+were always effectively mounted. Magazine articles, full-page interviews
+had from time to time printed his recipes for evolving successful stars
+as well as money-making plays. One thrilling account in
+particular&mdash;supposedly his own words&mdash;told of the strenuous training of
+the tyro; how he aroused in his actors the precise degree of emotion
+necessary to a given scene. "I dragged her by the hair!" or "I pictured
+her own mother lying dead, foully murdered, before her until she cried
+aloud at the picture I had conjured." Again, "I tied my wrists together,
+I rolled about the floor, struggling to free myself; I wanted to feel
+just what a man would feel under similar conditions!" These and other
+highly coloured statements had from time to time been served up to the
+public. It is amazing how gullibly the public bites at the press-agent's
+worm. In nearly all such instances nothing could be farther from the
+truth. My own observation convinced me that the man's genius lay in his
+ability to select the right person for the right place. Having made the
+selection he played upon the <i>amour propre</i> of his puppets. He led them
+to believe he had supreme confidence in their ability.<a name="page_112" id="page_112"></a> The ruse was
+successful. It is the better part of human nature to want to measure up
+to the good opinion of others.</p>
+
+<p>His methods of conducting a rehearsal were the simplest. He had infinite
+patience and perseverance. He left nothing to chance. A scene or an
+effect was repeated until the "mechanics" became automatic. His voice
+never rose above a conversational tone. He knew that to command others
+he must first be in command of himself. He left the roaring to petty
+understrappers with inflated ideas of their own importance. Once in a
+blue moon he let go. The effect was electrifying. I strongly suspected,
+however, that there was more or less "acting" in these outbursts. Just
+as his reluctant appearance before the curtain on first nights was a
+"carefully prepared bit of impromptu acting." The frightened expression
+of his face; the quick, nervous walk; the almost inaudible voice when he
+thanked his audience, "on behalf of the star, the author (or co-author),
+the musicians, the costumers, the scenic artists" and so on down the
+line; this with his mannerism of tugging at a picturesque forelock, this
+alone was worth the price of admission. First and last he was a good
+showman.<a name="page_113" id="page_113"></a> The star who was the stepping stone to his fame and fortune
+was a lady with a past. She had entered the stage door through the
+advertising medium of the divorce court. After several unsuccessful
+attempts at starring she placed herself under the tuition of the
+manager, then allied with a school of acting. Possessed of abundant
+animal vitality&mdash;"magnetism," if you prefer&mdash;as well as "temperament,"
+the ugly duckling developed into a star of first magnitude. When Will
+joined the company she was at the height of her success&mdash;a success which
+later dulled the finer artistic restraint and listed toward a fall. But
+act she could, playing upon each reed, each stop of the emotional organ,
+with a conviction of which few actresses are capable. In the choice of
+plays the genius of the man again displayed itself; the right play for
+the right person. Doubtless, he understood that temperament, after all,
+is but the flood-tide of our natural predilections.</p>
+
+<p>To the layman a rehearsal is a bewildering and murky affair. Seated in
+the "front of the house," in the clammy shadow of shrouded seats, a
+student of human nature finds much to interest him. Under the light of a
+single "bunch" or the "blanching" irregular foots, the<a name="page_114" id="page_114"></a> players look old
+and insignificant. The blue white light has a cruel way of exposing the
+lines and seams. They sit about or stand in groups, the blue-covered
+typewritten parts in hand awaiting the call of the first act. A youngish
+man, probably the assistant stage-manager, sets the stage; that is, he
+marks the entrances and the boundaries with plain wooden chairs and
+stage-braces. The homely wooden chair plays many parts; now it stands
+for a fire-place or a grand piano, again it may be a rocky pass beyond
+which are the mountains.</p>
+
+<p>A fagged looking man enters the stage door with a hurried, important
+air. By the bundle of manuscript under his arm shall you know him. It is
+the stage-manager. He greets the members of the company with a curt,
+preoccupied air and hurries down to the prompt stand. There are
+consultations with the working staff and perhaps with one or two of the
+players. While he is thus engaged let us enquire into the personnel of
+the company; that tall good-looker in the well tailored gown is a
+newcomer to the stage. She has been given a small part&mdash;a half dozen
+lines at best. On twenty dollars a week she carries a maid&mdash;and a jewel<a name="page_115" id="page_115"></a>
+case. No, she does not <i>have</i> to work for a living; neither is she the
+spoilt child of a multi-millionaire. She belongs to that great class of
+women who have no class. Time hangs heavily on her hands. It looks
+better to be connected with some kind of a profession; a legitimate
+profession. Besides, her vanity makes her "want to do something." The
+stage has always appealed to her. With a little "influence" she gets a
+part. Salary is no object. Perhaps the management has saved five or ten
+dollars a week on the deal. At any rate a good-looker adds "class" to
+the personnel. She drives to the theatre in a taxi; sometimes she comes
+in a big limousine car accompanied by an elderly gentleman with watery
+eyes. On the opening night he will send her great boxes of American
+Beauty roses. After the show they will sup at Rector's, and his friends
+who have been in front with him will tell her how pretty she looked. Of
+course she will not go on the road with the company. Dear no! She will
+leave that to some other girl who is not so young, not so pretty, but
+who needs the money.</p>
+
+<p>The white-haired lady with the sweet face and the stern old man who has
+brought her a<a name="page_116" id="page_116"></a> chair are man and wife. Theirs is one of the few stage
+marriages which have endured. Perhaps it is the very rarity of the case
+which makes them so popular and well-beloved. One hears them invariably
+referred to as "Dear old Mr. and Mrs. So and So." One looks at them
+wistfully and wonders at the secret of their success....</p>
+
+<p>The actor with the monocle, oddly cut clothes and the overpowering
+savoir-faire is an English importation. Managers assert that the average
+English actor plays the gentleman more effectively than his American
+cousin. It all depends on what kind of a gentleman the rôle demands.
+When an Englishman is called upon to portray a gentlemanly officer of
+the United States Army the effect is incongruous to say the least. The
+American manager, vulgar and uncouth himself, is impressed by the
+English complacency. A bluffer, he has a sneaking respect for anyone who
+throws a bluff and gets away with it.</p>
+
+<p>The several youngish men with a hint of effeminancy in their make-up
+might be called the "stationaries" or "walking gentlemen." One of this
+<i>genre</i> is to be found in nearly every company. Too proud for the ribbon
+counter,<a name="page_117" id="page_117"></a> too erratic for commercial life, he drifts into the profession
+because he feels the call of the artistic temperament. He plays small
+parts, disseminates gossip, flatters the star&mdash;or the leading
+lady&mdash;reads a little, sleeps much&mdash;and drinks more.</p>
+
+<p>That beefy looking man is the leading heavy. Not many years since he was
+a leading man. Now when a leading man takes on flesh he is marked for a
+reduction in value. The first step down in his career is the day he
+begins to play heavies. To be sure, there are heavy men who never have
+been leading men; these, however, come under the head of character
+heavies. The gentlemanly heavy unfailingly aspires to heroic rôles. The
+present incumbent of villainy had "fallen on his feet." Some seasons
+previously he had played an inconsequential engagement under the same
+management. The star took a fancy to him. Henceforth his engagements
+were assured&mdash;until the fancy waned. Everybody understood; they shrugged
+their shoulders and smiled. Nobody cared. Neither did the heavy man.</p>
+
+<p>Character actors without exception are envious of the leading man. "Call
+that acting?" demands the man behind the make-up. "Call<a name="page_118" id="page_118"></a> it acting to
+walk on and play yourself? Why, it's a cinch!"</p>
+
+<p>"<i>O, is it?</i>" retorts the leading man. "You ought to try it. It's the
+most difficult thing in the world to walk on and be perfectly natural.
+I'd like to see some of you fellows who hide behind your wigs and queer
+make-ups go on and play a straight part. Why you wouldn't know what to
+do with your hands!" ...</p>
+
+<p>There was something plaintive about the woman who sat in the shadow of
+the set-pieces, piled high against the wall. The rouge on her cheeks but
+accentuated the lines in her face. The brassy gold on her hair showed
+gray against her temples. "Better days" was clearly stamped all over
+her. Perhaps she was thinking of those days&mdash;when <i>she</i> was a star; when
+being a star meant something more than an animated clothes-horse. Her
+mother had been a great actress in the Booth and Barrett days. She,
+herself, had lisped some childish lines with them. Later, she had become
+a soubrette and a star in merry little plays in which she sang and
+danced and "emoted," all in one evening. There are no soubrettes
+nowadays. The term has degenerated into a slangy sobriquet. "Ingénue"
+has replaced it; nothing is required of<a name="page_119" id="page_119"></a> an <i>ingénue</i> but saccharine
+sweetness and vacuous prettiness&mdash;and youth, youth, <i>youth</i>! O, the
+harvest of age! The public which she had amused for years has forgotten
+her. They scarcely recall her existence: not even a hand of recognition
+on her entrance. Occasionally a reviewer will dig her out of the dust of
+the past&mdash;only to speak of her as "in Memoriam." Managers, too, hesitate
+to engage her. There are so many has-beens and so few parts to fit them.
+Besides, there are freshly spawned pupils from the divine academies to
+be had for the asking. Why waste money?...</p>
+
+<p>A psychical ripple disturbs the ether. Necks crane toward the door. The
+star arrives. She comes slowly, with the air of one assured of an
+effective entrance. She punctuates her animated conversation with the
+manager with smiles and nods. That meek-looking person bringing up the
+rear is the author. He gropes his way through the dark passage to the
+front of the house and is lost in oblivion.</p>
+
+<p>"First act!" calls the prompter. <i>"First act!</i>"</p>
+
+<p class="ast">* * * *</p>
+
+<p>The play opened out of town. The working force was sent ahead with the
+scenery and<a name="page_120" id="page_120"></a> the baggage. There was a special train for the company.
+Besides the regular staff there were costumers, flash-light
+photographers, relatives of the players and guests of the management.
+The guests included several critics from certain New York journals. One
+of these had an ambitious wife who was a member of the company. The
+other, rumour had it, was on the salary list of the management. This may
+or may not have been true. Subsequent effusive reviews and the manner in
+which these critics took up the cudgels against the enemies of the
+manager did not, however, indicate unbiased opinion. "Subsidized or
+hypnotized"&mdash;that was the question. The persuasive art of "fixing" is
+not confined to politics.</p>
+
+<p>When the train arrived in &mdash;&mdash;, there was barely time for a hasty bite
+before rushing off to the theatre. One felt the thrill of excitement at
+the very stage door. Even the back doorkeeper was infected. When Will
+stopped to look through the pigeon-holes for mail, the keeper of the
+sacred portal was exhibiting a brand new litter of kittens. "Everyone of
+'em black; just like their mother. Your show'll be a big success&mdash;talk
+about your mascots!" Stage-folk are as superstitious as a nigger mammy.<a name="page_121" id="page_121"></a>
+A whole chapter might be devoted to their lore. One of the greatest
+hoodoos is to speak the tag of a play before the opening night. The tag
+of a play is the last several words immediately preceding the final fall
+of the curtain. When it comes to the tag, the actor to whose lot the
+final lines fall either stops with a gesture or perhaps he purloins
+Hamlet's last words&mdash;"The rest is silence."</p>
+
+<p>Back on the stage there was the sound of hammers, the shouts of the
+stage-hands to the men in the flies, "drops" being adjusted, calls of
+warning to some reckless person about to come in contact with a sandbag
+at that moment lowered from the flies. Abrupt blasts of the orchestra
+reach one's ears. The music cues are being rehearsed, the director
+shouting against the din on the stage. On the "apron," with a bottle of
+milk in his hand and surrounded by a half dozen coatless and perspiring
+men, is the producer. A shaft of light darts from the spot-light machine
+in the gallery, and hovers over the stage like a searchlight at sea.
+Green, yellow, red and blue slides are tried and a weird waving moving
+picture effect brings a shout of laughter from the privileged watchers
+in front. In the dressing-rooms<a name="page_122" id="page_122"></a> the players are making up. The wardrobe
+mistress hurries from one to another, needle and thread in hand. There
+are impatient calls for the head costumer; "Props" taps at the doors and
+delivers the properties to be carried by the various actors in the play.
+The actors talk across the partitions or run through lines of a "shaky"
+scene. "Fifteen minutes&mdash;fifteen minutes!" warns the assistant stage
+manager making the rounds. Below stage, the supers or "extra people" sit
+about in noisy groups awaiting the call. Some of them are as "nervous as
+a cat," to use their own expression. These are not the rank and file of
+supernumeraries. The promise of a long run in New York ofttimes tempts
+women who have "spoken lines" to go on as extra ladies. As a sop they
+are given a leading part to understudy. The excitement is infectious.
+With the lowering of the curtain and the first strains of the orchestra
+one instinctively shifts forward to the edge of one's seat.</p>
+
+<p>It is either the lights or a missing prop or a hiatus between speech and
+action which the first acquaintance with the scenery develops or a
+"jumbled" ensemble or something unexpected which brings the rehearsal to
+an abrupt halt.<a name="page_123" id="page_123"></a> The dialogue stops like a megaphone suddenly shut off.
+The director hurries down the centre aisle, the prompter's head appears
+at the proscenium arch. "Loved I not honour more!" repeats the actor,
+looking expectantly off stage. "Loved I not honour more!" bellows the
+stage-manager, getting into the game. "That's <i>your</i> cue, Mr. Prime
+Minister. Mr. Jones. Mr. Jones! Where <i>is</i> Mr. Jones?"</p>
+
+<p>"Jones! Jones!" reverberates about the stage and in the flies.</p>
+
+<p>"Here I am! I hear you!" answers a muffled voice up-stage. "I can't get
+through. The entrance's blocked with a sacred elephant!" There is a rush
+of stage hands in the direction indicated. Simultaneously Mr. Jones
+appears L. <small>I</small>. E. "I'm sorry," he says, "but I couldn't butt in through
+the stone walls of the castle, now could I?" indicating the boxed set
+which formed the outer walls of the scene.</p>
+
+<p>The obstruction is removed amidst a heated confab and the stage cleared
+for action. "Go back&mdash;go back to Miss Melon's entrance." Miss Melon
+enters. The scene starts flatly enough. It is difficult to pick up a
+scene and get back into the atmosphere at once. One must "warm up to
+it."<a name="page_124" id="page_124"></a></p>
+
+<p>A star requires an effective entrance. The audience must be apprised of
+her approach. "Here she comes now!" (accompanied by a look off stage.)
+Or, a flunkey enters and solemnly announces, "His Highness, Prince of
+Ptomania, mounts the steps." These helpful hints prepare the reception
+which the ushers start at the psychological moment. Many persons are
+backward about applauding for fear of making a mistake: just follow the
+usher. The supporting actors understand that they are expected to
+"humour" the applause, either upon an entrance or for a scene. Stars,
+however, do not always encourage applause for their supporting actors.
+Some of them go so far as to "shut it off" by flashing on house light on
+a curtain in which they do not figure, or dimming the foots or directing
+the actors to "jump in" with the next speech.</p>
+
+<p>In the midst of a scene which sends little shivers up and down one's
+spinal column the star hesitates, stammers, repeats, then interpolates
+while she searches frantically among the papers on the table for the
+missing prop. "Where's the knife&mdash;the fatal dagger?" she demands,
+dropping the rôle as one would step out of a petticoat. The man about to
+be killed<a name="page_125" id="page_125"></a> joins in the hunt for the deadly weapon. "I can't kill you
+very well without a knife, can I, Jack? Unless I stab you with a
+hatpin&mdash;" There is something so incongruous in the rapid contrasts that
+everyone, including the star herself, gives way to laughter. Meanwhile
+the stage-manager's yells for Props have brought that culprit from the
+flies where he has been touching up a damp cloud with a paint brush.</p>
+
+<p>"The knife!" a chorus hurls at him.</p>
+
+<p>"What knife?" he demands, continuing to mix the silver lining to the
+cloud.</p>
+
+<p>"The dagger! I told you the last thing not to forget it!" fumes the
+bumptious stage-manager.</p>
+
+<p>"Aw, what's the matter with you?" replies Props witheringly. Then he
+ambles down to the star, who by this time is lost in a little side-play
+with her heavy man. "Miss Blank," he begins with punctuation marks
+between each word, "Miss Blank, didn't you tell me to leave that knife
+on your dressing table so you could place it where you wanted it on the
+table centre?"</p>
+
+<p>"I did, I did! I apologize, Johnny&mdash;I beg everybody's pardon!" She makes
+a contrite bow toward the front of the house. Johnny<a name="page_126" id="page_126"></a> shuffles off,
+muttering to himself, and Madame's maid enters with the missing link.
+"Let's begin at your cross," Madame says to the heavy. "Just before you
+say, 'Darling, my life, my love, you're mine at last!' And Jack&mdash;I hope
+your wooden chest protector is in place, for I'm going to strike
+to-night just as I am going to do to-morrow night and turn it r-r-round
+and r-r-round, as if I loved your blood&mdash;and Mr. Director," she glides
+to the foots and shades her eyes from the glare, "Herr Director, can't
+you play a little more <i>piano</i> just at that point? I want my gurgle of
+delight to get <i>over</i>&mdash;understand?... O, Mr. Hartley, while I think of
+it&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>She toys with the ornaments on his dress as she speaks. "In our next
+scene give me a little more room; play farther down stage. It's better
+for our scene." Mr. Hartley smiles to himself as he disappears in the
+wings; he is "on-to" the little tricks of stars and leading ladies. To
+make a <i>vis-à-vis</i> play the scene down stage is to rob him of any
+effective participation in the scene. "To hog" is the vulgar but
+expressive infinitive applied to this trick of the trade.</p>
+
+<p>After many false starts, the end of the act is finally reached. The
+players are then posed in<a name="page_127" id="page_127"></a> certain effective scenes from the play and
+the flash-light pictures are taken. Then comes a change of costume and
+the second act is set. During the long wait members of the company come
+in front to get a glimpse of the scenery or to discuss the play and the
+performance with their friends. I recall an instance which will
+exemplify the jealousy of one star for another, especially those under
+the same management. During the early years of Will's career he had
+played with a summer stock company. The leading woman of the
+organization was now one of the stars under Will's present management.
+She had come on from her country home&mdash;(her own season had not yet
+opened)&mdash;and was an interested spectator of the dress rehearsal. She and
+Will had kept up a desultory interest during the intervening years and
+were on a friendly footing. "What do you think of the play?" he asked,
+sitting down beside her.</p>
+
+<p>"It's a sensation," she predicted. "How does your part pan out?"</p>
+
+<p>"O, it's a fair part. I've got a couple of big scenes, but the <i>heavy</i>
+makes circles all around him. If I had read the play before I signed, I
+believe I should have turned it down."<a name="page_128" id="page_128"></a></p>
+
+<p>"What do you care&mdash;you're the <i>hero</i>, and that is what counts with the
+women. It fits you like a glove; and, speaking of parts, what do you
+think of <i>that</i> for a star-part? Did you ever see anything like it?
+She's the whole show.... When I think of the <i>also-ran</i> I am playing for
+a star part ... let me tell you&mdash;just between ourselves&mdash;that he'll have
+to hand me out something fatter next season or there'll be something
+doing in another direction. Little Abe's syndicate has been making eyes
+at me and&mdash;you never can tell. Glory! I never saw such an acting part in
+my life! Why, she isn't off the stage two minutes during the whole first
+act!"</p>
+
+<p class="ast">* * * *</p>
+
+<p>It is past midnight when the curtain goes down on the second act. The
+lights have worked badly and for an hour the electricians have been put
+through the paces until the desired effect is reached. Spirits begin to
+flag. The Englishman's wife sets up a tea basket; friends and relatives
+are sent out for sandwiches and "something to wash 'em down." At this
+stage of the siege one becomes a mere machine. There is no attempt at
+acting. It is now a mechanical perfection. When the scenic<a name="page_129" id="page_129"></a> effects
+refuse to act on cues or "anticipate" the same, or the supers jumble and
+everybody grows cross and "on edge," one shudders to realize that the
+opening night is close at hand. One hopes and prays things will not go
+like this to-morrow night. There is consolation in the old adage: "A
+poor dress rehearsal&mdash;a good first night."</p>
+
+<p>We leave the theatre when the milkman is making his rounds. A day of
+fitful sleep with its undercurrent of tension; the opening night with
+nerves tuned to the highest pitch, then success or failure, who can
+tell? The box office is the arbiter.</p>
+
+<p>The opening night is not the only strain attendant upon a new
+production. One is on tenter-hooks for days, perhaps weeks, to learn
+whether the play has "caught on" or not. Favourable, even laudatory,
+reviews will not drag the public into the theatre if they do not like
+the offering. Stars may have a certain drawing power, but "The play's
+the thing." No star ever yet saved a bad play from oblivion or spoiled a
+good play with bad acting.</p>
+
+<p>I am sure that Will and the members of the company watched the "houses"
+from the peep-holes in the curtain as eagerly as the star and<a name="page_130" id="page_130"></a> the
+management kept an eye on the box-office receipts. "How was the house
+last night?" was the daily question I put to Will with his morning
+coffee. Finally we settled back with the assurance of a season's run
+ahead of us. I set in motion the plans I had outlined for myself. I
+induced Will to study languages with me for a time, but his hours were
+so uncertain that he finally dropped out. Music was a passion with me. I
+went through a whole season of the Opera treat I had promised myself for
+years. Will was fond of music, too, and sometimes we would go together
+to the Sunday night concerts at the Metropolitan. Of course there were
+still the dinner-parties and the supper-parties and matinées for
+benevolent purposes. Will seemed to have tired of the parties and spent
+more and more of his time at the Lambs. He never came home to supper
+after the theatre nowadays. I missed my little talks with him across the
+supper table. There was no longer any need to throw cold water in my
+face to keep myself fresh until his coming. Sometimes when I was wakeful
+I would hear him come in; it was generally daylight. Sometimes, on
+Sunday morning, if he found me awake he would hand me the Morning
+Telegram.<a name="page_131" id="page_131"></a> No wonder they call it "the chorus girl's breakfast." Among
+other things I did not like about the Lambs was that irritating way the
+telephone boy had of asking "Who's calling, please." Will said they do
+that at all Clubs.<a name="page_132" id="page_132"></a></p>
+
+<h3><a name="CHAPTER_VIII" id="CHAPTER_VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII</h3>
+
+<p class="nind">B<small>Y</small> this time I had my own little <i>coterie</i> and I prided myself it was a
+cosmopolitan gathering which graced our little apartment on the second
+and third Sundays of the month. There was so much to learn, the
+interests were so diversified that I eagerly welcomed members of other
+professions than our own&mdash;if they were worth while. Our sculptor friend
+brought men who had travelled in remote parts of the world; they in turn
+brought others. We numbered several army and navy officers, a German
+scientist, men and women journalists, a cartoonist and an artist, women
+engaged in Settlement work and the quaint old French professor who
+taught me the language. When we could overcome his diffidence he was a
+mine of information. He had witnessed the Commune of Paris and was
+working on a book on that subject.</p>
+
+<p>It is an interesting study to divide the <i>pastiche</i> from the real. The
+time-killers and the curious soon dropped out. It was not difficult to
+limit our <i>coterie</i> to the dimensions of our<a name="page_133" id="page_133"></a> home. I could not but
+contrast my simple "at homes" with those of the Dingleys. We had
+received several cards for their Sundays and Will said we must go to at
+least one of them. The Dingleys had sprung from humble beginnings. They
+were jocosely referred to as the "ten, twent' and thirt's."</p>
+
+<p>When I was a little girl in short skirts they were members of a
+répertoire company which played our town during County Fair week. The
+répertoire comprised such good old timers as The Two Orphans, the
+Danites, East Lynne, the Silver King, Streets of New York, Camille and
+The Ticket-of-Leave Man. Mrs. Dingley was the leading lady and her
+husband the utility man. She was my ideal of a heroine&mdash;in those days.
+Her hair was very golden, and as the weepy heroine she wore a black
+velvet dress with a long train. That black velvet (later experience told
+me it was velveteen) played many parts. It was a princess, and for
+evening wear the guimpe had only to be removed. Or, when the heroine was
+ailing, as becomes a persecuted woman, the princess, with the help of a
+full front panel, was converted into a tea-gown. Again, it was used as a
+riding habit, draped up on one side and topped by husband's silk hat<a name="page_134" id="page_134"></a>
+wound round with a veil. With a good deal of crêpe drapery from the
+bonnet, the same gown passed muster as widow's weeds. Mentally, I
+resolved that when I became an actress I should have just such a
+prestidigital gown in my wardrobe.</p>
+
+<p>By dint of hard work on Mrs. Dingley's part and unmitigated nerve on the
+part of her husband they had finally arrived on Broadway. They had
+recently acquired a large house in the older part of the city and I
+understood it was Mrs. Dingley's idea to establish a <i>salon</i>. Certainly
+she was successful in drawing a crowd. The house was strikingly
+furnished. There was much gold furniture and antique bric-à-brac;
+canopied beds and monogrammed counterpanes. After a personally conducted
+tour of the house and an enlightening dissertation upon the real worth
+of and prices paid for the fittings, one retained a confusing sense of
+having had an exercise in mental arithmetic.</p>
+
+<p>It seemed rather catty of the women to make fun of the Dingleys behind
+their back and at the same time accept their hospitality. Two smart
+looking women whom I recognized as members of Mrs. D's. company appeared
+to get no little amusement out of the coat of arms<a name="page_135" id="page_135"></a> on Mrs. Dingley's
+bed. "Why didn't they purloin a beer-stein, quiescent on a japanned
+tray?" I heard one say.</p>
+
+<p>"Or a Holstein bull rampant on a field of cotton," the other giggled.</p>
+
+<p>I failed to grasp the significance of their remarks, though I saw the
+humour in their allusion to the empty book-shelves which lined the walls
+of the library. "Why not buy several hundred feet of red-backed books,
+like a certain politician who wanted to fill up the wall space in his
+library?"</p>
+
+<p>"Pshaw! It would be cheaper to use props," scoffed the other.</p>
+
+<p>I myself thought a dictionary and a few grammars a sensible beginning,
+as Mrs. Dingley was a veritable Mrs. Malaprop. Later I committed a <i>faux
+pas</i>, though I meant no offense. In my effort to say something nice to
+my hostess I remarked that I had seen her years ago during the early
+days of her struggle and that I had been one of her ardent admirers. The
+way she said, "Yes?" with the frosty inflection made me understand she
+did not care to remember her beginnings.</p>
+
+<p>While we were drinking tea out of priceless cups&mdash;the history of which
+was being retailed<a name="page_136" id="page_136"></a> by our host&mdash;there was a commotion and a craning of
+necks toward the stairs. The hostess hurried forward to greet the late
+arrival. There was considerable nudging and innuendo exchanged as a
+small pleasant-faced man with a Van Dyke beard entered the room. Our
+host greeted him jovially, almost boisterously. "Here comes the
+king&mdash;here comes the king!" hummed the two actresses, winking
+significantly at me. There was a buzz of voices while Mrs. Dingley
+paraded the lion of the occasion about the room with an air of playful
+proprietorship. The little man had a penchant for pretty girls and
+flattery. He got both. Everybody fawned on him, Mr. Dingley laboured
+heroically to be witty. My curiosity finally drove me to ask my
+neighbours who the little man was.</p>
+
+<p>"Is he a manager, or a producer, or?&mdash;?" I whispered.</p>
+
+<p>There was a peal of laughter before I was answered.</p>
+
+<p>"O, he's a producer, all right! Why, don't you know who he is? He's the
+goose that laid the golden egg!" taking in the gold furniture with a
+comprehensive sweep of her hand. She lowered her voice and leaned toward
+<a name="page_137" id="page_137"></a>me. "He's Mr. &mdash;&mdash;!" I recognized the name of the multi-millionaire. "Is
+he?" I queried, trying to get another look at him.</p>
+
+<p>The women relapsed into their confidences. "How do you suppose she
+explains it to &mdash;&mdash;?" calling Mr. Dingley by his first name. The other
+woman shrugged her shoulders. "She doesn't have to explain; money
+talks."</p>
+
+<p>On the way home I asked Will what they meant.</p>
+
+<p>He smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "They do say that the little man
+is an 'angel.'"</p>
+
+<p>"Well, suppose he is?" I began indignantly. "There is such a thing as
+clean-minded men of the world: patrons of art without ulterior motives.
+All art needs fostering, and who better able to help the climbers
+than&mdash;&mdash;?"</p>
+
+<p>Will laid his hand on mine, a little way he had when he wanted to
+reassure me.</p>
+
+<p>"I haven't a doubt in the world that there are clean-minded men of means
+without 'ulterior motives,' as you express it. I also believe that hen's
+teeth are rare."</p>
+
+<p class="ast">* * * *</p>
+
+<p>There were other near-salons to which we were invited. Some of them were
+highly temperamental gatherings. Every large city has<a name="page_138" id="page_138"></a> its artistic set,
+but New York may safely claim the medal for the half-baked neurotics who
+wallow in illicit cults which they sanctify in the name of art. One of
+the most typical and, by the same token, the most amusing of these
+esoteric feasts was presided over by a lady-like creature who had spent
+some time in the Far East. We were met at the outer portal by a jet
+black, down-South negro done up in full Eastern regalia. An air of
+mysticism permeated even the box couches against the wall. They had a
+peculiar "feel" to them and one sank into their enfolding depths as one
+is taught to sink into the arms of Nirvana. It must have been awful for
+short, fat persons to scramble to their feet, after once being beguiled
+into sitting on these couches. The mysticism was enhanced by burning
+incense, shaded lights, draperies, and the host himself, who received us
+in Eastern garb, resplendent with the famous jewels, a gift from some
+potentate or other. We were conducted to a dais where the guest of
+honour&mdash;an oily, complacent Swami&mdash;received us. If we were pretty, the
+Swami held our hands longer than the amenities of good society demand.
+Some of the guests were highly sensitized beings. Some were lean like
+Cassius;<a name="page_139" id="page_139"></a> perhaps they "thought too much." There was a preponderance of
+Greek and other classic dresses, over un-classic figures. (Why <i>will</i>
+doctors condemn the corset?) Hair-dressing was simplicity itself; in
+fact, the simplicity suggested a lick and a promise. Sometimes there
+were beads woven in the scrambled mess.</p>
+
+<p>The sockless damsel was in evidence and nobility was represented by a
+certain antique Baroness with a penchant for baby blonde hair. Affinity
+hunters abounded. By the dreamy longing of their watery eyes shall ye
+know them. Some there were who had made several excursions into the
+realms of free and easy love, but <i>all</i>, all had returned empty-handed,
+unsatisfied. O cruel Fate! And so they go, hunting, hunting....</p>
+
+<p>After a call to silence, the Swami with the ingratiating smile and good
+front teeth made an address. It was a mystical, tortuous, rambling
+discourse which sounded to me a good deal like an advocation of free
+love. He told what ailed us; he said we didn't love enough. He assured
+us it was O, so easy to get our slice of the wonderful, all-pervading
+ether with which we were saturated. We simply didn't know how to use it.
+He had come to teach us:<a name="page_140" id="page_140"></a> his the mission to prescribe for us.
+Electricity had been harnessed, why not love? I shuddered when I thought
+of the possibilities of a love-trust. Of course it would be cornered by
+some of the millionaires.</p>
+
+<p>After the address everybody clustered around the dispenser of Oriental
+pearls. The Swami slipped little printed matters into the palms of the
+neophytes. They told how farther enlightenment could be attained, on
+given days at given hours and given prices.</p>
+
+<p>Later our brute element was fortified by wafers and a mysterious punch.
+I felt sorry for the late-comers who missed the intellectual feed and
+arrived just in time for the refreshments. Wafers are not very
+sustaining. The punch was a mysterious and subtle concoction with a
+tendency to promulgate the tenets of the Swami's new religion. Before we
+took our leave I thought the eyes of the new disciples had grown more
+languishing and were considerably lit up. It may have been, of course,
+that the Swami had taken the lid off a few vats of his cerulean ether
+which was too highly rarefied for those present. As we closed the door
+and stepped out into the winter night, we instinctively inhaled the cold
+air, which, though<a name="page_141" id="page_141"></a> it may not be full of love, is full of common-sense
+ozone.</p>
+
+<p>"When Boston people want to be naughty they go to New York." Our hostess
+nodded sententiously across the table as she made the statement.</p>
+
+<p>"Why confine it to Boston? Why not Philadelphia, Washington or &mdash;&mdash;?"</p>
+
+<p>"Because I don't know anything about those cities, and I do know my home
+city," interrupted his wife.</p>
+
+<p>"I guess you're right," Mr. Mollett answered. "It's the same spirit
+which keeps alive Le Rat Mort, or Maxim's, or any of those resorts in
+Paris. You rarely meet a Parisian at these show-places. If it were not
+for the foreigners&mdash;principally Americans and English&mdash;they'd have to
+shut up shop."</p>
+
+<p>"That's precisely my contention. One does things in Paris or New York
+one would never think of in Boston."</p>
+
+<p>Will had met Mr. Mollett at a Lambs' Gambol one Sunday night during the
+recent season in New York. They had taken a shine to each other, to use
+Mr. Mollett's expression, and had exchanged cards. "I liked your husband
+from the start," Mr. Mollett once said to<a name="page_142" id="page_142"></a> me. "He's not a bit like an
+actor; he's natural and not a bit of a <i>poseur</i>." It appears that when
+anyone wants to pay an actor a particularly high compliment he tells him
+he is not a bit like an actor! This is not flattering to the rank and
+file of players, who labour under the misapprehension that to be
+effective they must act on and off the stage.</p>
+
+<p>On the opening night of the following season in Boston Will was pleased
+to find a card from Mr. Mollett and a note from his wife, asking whether
+I was in town; if so, would I waive the formality of a call and join
+them at "beans" on Saturday night after the performance.</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Mollett's Saturday suppers were as much of an institution as the
+beans themselves. Our hostess was a bright, intelligent little woman
+without the pretense of the intellectual. Externally, she had all the
+ear-marks of a Boston woman. She wore the practical but disfiguring
+goloshes of a Boston winter and she carried a reticule. Her dress might
+have been made in Paris, but it had a true New England hang to it. It
+wasn't a component part of her; it was <i>a thing apart</i>. Her skin was
+rough and fretted with pin-wrinkles. I never<a name="page_143" id="page_143"></a> saw a jar of cold cream on
+her dressing-table.</p>
+
+<p>The Molletts enjoyed a comfortable income which they appeared to use
+judiciously. Their home was comfortable and in good taste. Their library
+was a treat; not merely fine bindings and rare editions. The volumes
+showed an intimate acquaintance with the owner. By the process of
+elimination they had formed a selected chain of the better class of
+actors, who found a warm welcome awaiting them whenever they played
+Boston. The Molletts' leaning toward the artistic had no taint of the
+free-and-easy predilection. The element of illusion furnished by their
+player friends was precisely the variety needed to counteract the
+monotony of their daily routine. Both sides benefited by the exchange.</p>
+
+<p>Boston was the first stand on tour. The second season had opened with a
+six weeks' engagement in New York and one, two or more weeks were booked
+in the larger cities. The original company was advertised and&mdash;rare
+integrity&mdash;maintained. Will decided that it was cheaper to carry the boy
+and me on the road than to keep up two establishments. Luckily we sublet
+our apartment. I was for sending<a name="page_144" id="page_144"></a> Experience back to her home, though I
+had become sincerely attached to her and so had Boy. Will declared we
+could not manage without a nurse. I assured him we could. "You don't
+suppose you can carry that Buster around in your arms, do you? And
+wouldn't I look nice climbing on and off trains, and coming into hotels
+with a baby in my arms? Pretty picture for a matinée idol! No, ma'am,
+Experience remains. Besides," he smiled at me, "a nurse and a valet help
+to make a good front. It'll keep the management guessing."</p>
+
+<p>Unfortunately the management were not the only ones kept guessing. Good
+hotels were expensive and Will's position did not permit him to stop at
+any other kind. It worried me a great deal to see Will's envelope come
+in on Tuesday and scarcely anything left on Wednesday when we had paid
+the bills. I suspected, too, that Will had some debts hanging over from
+last season. I knew he had drawn on the management during the summer. We
+foolishly took a cottage at Allenhurst on the sea, where we spent our
+holidays. The week-end parties proved expensive. It was easily
+accessible to New York and I never knew how popular Will was with the
+profession<a name="page_145" id="page_145"></a> until that summer. I regretted we had not gone back to the
+farm in the Catskills.</p>
+
+<p>I saw a great deal more of Will on the road than I had in New York.
+There was no Lambs' Club and, though Will had guest-cards to clubs in
+various cities, there was not the lure of intimate association. We took
+long walks together, browsed in the book-shops, visited public buildings
+such as the library in Boston, and sometimes lunched or "tead" with
+friends. Will did not care to accept invitations to dinner; he said it
+made him "logey" to dine late and interfered with his evening
+performances. Altogether we came nearer to the old intimacy and
+comradeship than we had known for several years. At Christmas time we
+planned the boy's first tree. We believed he was now old enough to
+appreciate it. Santa Claus now became a name to conjure with; it acted
+as a bribe to good behaviour or a threat of punishment.</p>
+
+<p>Will and I went shopping together. The big toy-shops proved the most
+fascinating things in the world. We spent hours looking at the wonders
+of toy-land which the present-day child enjoys. Will said it made him
+feel like a boy and surely it brought out all the<a name="page_146" id="page_146"></a> youth in his nature.
+His eyes would snap and sparkle with delight over a miniature railway
+with practicable engine and carriages, electric head-lights, block
+signals and the like. "Gee! What wouldn't I have given for an outfit
+like that when I was a kid!" he would exclaim. As for me, I couldn't
+make up my mind which I enjoyed the most; the pretty children who
+crowded the shop or the toys they came to see.</p>
+
+<p>We made several visits to Santa Claus land without being able to decide
+what would best please Boy. Experience advised us to have him make his
+own choice. When Experience took him for a tour of the shops he decided
+upon everything in the place. Suddenly the whole world faded into
+insignificance: "Senyder!" he stuttered, pointing imperiously to a dog
+whose breed seemed as indeterminate as the prototype. All dogs were
+Snyders to Boy, but perhaps the perpetual motion of the tail which
+wagged automatically reminded him most strongly of the original. It did
+no good to tell him that Santa Claus would bring Snyder down the
+chimney. Boy had his own ideas about fairies and their ilk. He refused
+to leave the shop without the dog. Needless to say the dog went home
+with us. Will never<a name="page_147" id="page_147"></a> could endure Boy's shrieks. But, in extenuation,
+let it be said that not one of the toys Boy found grouped about his tree
+on Christmas morning&mdash;and their name was legion&mdash;gave him the joy he
+found in the mongrel pup. Miss Burton sent a box from far-off San
+Francisco, where she was playing. The Chinese dolls interested him for a
+moment, but his heart was true to Snyder. He slept with him, shared his
+food with him, sobbed out his childish grief with Snyder in his arms,
+and refused to part with his faithful friend even when old age robbed
+him of his woolly coat and shiny eyes.</p>
+
+<p>The star gave a party on Christmas Eve. When the curtain went down on
+the last act, the applause was choked off by the flashing on of the
+house lights. The stage-manager gave the order to strike, and in a short
+time the stage was clear. The carpenters then put together the
+improvised banquet board&mdash;great long planks of lumber resting upon
+saw-horses. From the iron landing of the first tier of spiral stairs
+upon which Will's dressing-room gave I watched the caterer's men lay the
+table. I had spent the latter part of the evening in the cubby hole&mdash;a
+rare occurrence, since I seldom went behind the scenes except with
+friends of Will's<a name="page_148" id="page_148"></a> who had attended the performance and who wanted to
+see what the back of the stage looked like.</p>
+
+<p>Shortly before twelve o'clock the members of the company and a few
+outside guests assembled on the stage&mdash;where they were received by the
+star-hostess. In the midst of the chatter the lights went out. At first
+everyone thought it an accident until a bell in the distance chimed the
+witching hour. As the last stroke died away a faint jingle of sleigh
+bells wafted across the air. Nearer and louder they came, interspersed
+with the snap of a whip. A great shaft of light from above shot
+obliquely across the stage. From out of the clouds, as it seemed, a
+full-fledged Santa Claus descended like a flying machine. With the aid
+of a little "sneaky" music furnished by the orchestra and the faithful
+spot-light which dogged his very footsteps, Santy placed the huge tree
+in the centre of the table and unloaded his pack. With many a grotesque
+antic he surveyed his labour of love and finally, having sampled the
+contents of a decanter which graced the table, he rubbed his much padded
+pouch in satisfaction, laughed merrily, shouted a "merry Christmas to
+you all," and disappeared<a name="page_149" id="page_149"></a> into the clouds. The effect was so bewitching
+and so eerie that old Kris received a spontaneous "hand" on his exit.</p>
+
+<p>I thought of Boy and how much he would have enjoyed the scene. Myriad
+little lights twinkled like stars upon the wonderful trees. A warm, red
+glow poured from imaginary fireplaces off stage. To the accompaniment of
+ohs! and ahs! and a merry potpourri from the orchestra we took our seats
+at table. I am sure any audience would gladly have paid a premium for
+tickets to this special performance.</p>
+
+<p>The supper proved to be an eight-course dinner. There was everything
+from nut-brown turkey to hot mince pie. The drinkables were varied and
+plentiful. I noticed that after the third or fourth course everybody was
+telling everybody else what a good actor he or she was. It developed
+into a veritable mutual admiration society. Will kicked me under the
+table several times when the character man told him what a good actor he
+was; it was common property that the character man "knocked" Will behind
+his back. The tall, good-looking girl I had noticed at rehearsals passed
+around a new diamond pendant<a name="page_150" id="page_150"></a> she had just received from her friend in
+New York.</p>
+
+<p>"He's just crazy about you, ain't he?" chaffed one of the actors. The
+good-looking girl laughed and winked.</p>
+
+<p>"He sure is," she answered, "and I never even gave him as much as
+<i>that</i>," measuring off an infinitesimal speck of her thumb nail.</p>
+
+<p>A shout of laughter greeted her remark. A little later when she got
+warmed up she made eyes at Will across the table and threw him violets
+from her huge corsage bouquet. "Ev'ry matinée day I send thee violets,"
+she paraphrased in song, the significance of which was lost on me until
+some days later.</p>
+
+<p>Toward the end of the dinner the packages were opened. Each memento was
+accompanied by a limerick hitting off the idiosyncrasies of the
+recipient, who was asked to read it aloud. Whoever composed the
+limericks was well paid for sitting up o' nights, for they caused a deal
+of merriment even if they were not entirely free from sting. After
+dinner there was vaudeville. The star gave some imitations of a <i>café
+chantant</i> which brought down the house. The musical director had
+composed a skit which he called "Very Grand Opera." The theme<a name="page_151" id="page_151"></a> hinged on
+a leave-taking of one or more characters from the other. The book
+consisted of one word; <i>farewell</i>. I had never realized how long-winded
+the farewells of opera are until I heard the parody. The humour of it
+quite spoiled the tender duos, trios and choruses of the genuine
+article.</p>
+
+<p>Dear old Mr. and Mrs. &mdash;&mdash; contributed a cake-walk. No one suspected the
+grumpy old gentleman to have so much ginger in him. A good old Virginia
+reel and "Tucker" limbered everybody into action.</p>
+
+<p>Before we dispersed, old Santa Claus&mdash;impersonated by one of the walking
+gentlemen&mdash;again donned his beard and buckskin and accompanied by a
+noisy crew carried the great tree to the boarding-house where the
+child-actress of the company was staying. At the street end of the alley
+which led from the stage-entrance a big burly policeman stopped them;
+they <i>were</i> noisy to be sure. But even the officer laughed when Santy
+touched him on the arm and in a "tough" dialect asked him, "Say Bill, do
+youse believe in fairies?"</p>
+
+<p>If Will had any experiences in Boston only one came under my notice;
+rather, it was forced upon me. It was during the second<a name="page_152" id="page_152"></a> week of the
+engagement that Will began to bring me violets. Now, he had not shown me
+this attention for several years. I was too much flattered at the time
+to notice that the flowers always came on matinée days, after the
+performance. Will generally took a walk after a matinée. He said it
+refreshed him for the evening performance. He would come in, glowing
+from the exercise, simply radiating health and energy. I knew what time
+to expect him and I would sit listening for the elevator to stop on our
+floor. I knew Will's step the minute he came down the hall. When he
+opened the door I instinctively sniffed the fresh air he brought in with
+him. I liked to feel his cold cheek against mine ... and to hear him
+puff and growl to amuse Boy as he pulled off his heavy coat. He was
+irresistible. The violets came in a purple box with the imprint of the
+florist in gold letters. The first time he brought them he set the box
+on the table without handing them to me. One of my weaknesses is
+flowers.</p>
+
+<p>"What's this?" I asked, pouncing upon the box.</p>
+
+<p>"Open it and see," he answered with one of his quizzical sidelong
+glances.<a name="page_153" id="page_153"></a></p>
+
+<p>"For me?" I asked a little dubiously. I lost no time in opening the box.
+If the shadow of a thought that an admirer of Will's had sent him the
+flowers flitted across my mind it was lost in Will's smile as he
+answered,</p>
+
+<p>"For my best girl."</p>
+
+<p>I buried my face in their cool depths. "Violets! O, the beauties! I like
+the single variety best, don't you, Will? They're so fresh and woodsy."
+Then my conscience smote me. Violets are expensive this time of year.
+"Will&mdash;weren't they <i>horribly</i> expensive?" Just the same I was pleased
+to death&mdash;as I had heard matinée girls say&mdash;and I made up my mind to
+forego something I needed to offset Will's flattering extravagance. I
+nursed and tended those violets until the next matinée day came round.
+When they faded I pressed them between blotting paper, intending when I
+got back home to put them away with other flowers Will had given me....</p>
+
+<p>It was on Tuesday, the day after Christmas. I had gone out with Mrs.
+Mollett to tea at a woman's club. The violets Will had brought me after
+the Christmas matinée were reinforced by some lilies of the valley. The
+huge bouquet looked particularly smart against<a name="page_154" id="page_154"></a> my fur coat. Mrs.
+Mollett and I were late in getting back. I felt sure I should miss Will,
+who was going out to dinner with some friends at a club. As I passed
+through the hall to the lift a bell-boy overtook me. He told me there
+was someone in the parlour waiting to see me. I asked for a card but
+none had been sent. Wondering who could be calling on me&mdash;I had so few
+acquaintances in Boston&mdash;and anticipating a pleasant surprise I followed
+the boy to the parlour on the second floor. It was a large room and I
+stopped in the portièred doorway half expectantly. The only occupant of
+the room was a tall person&mdash;whether woman or girl I could not discern.
+She stood with her back to the door, looking out the window. As she
+glanced over her shoulder with no sign of recognition I turned to go.
+The bell-boy, however, had waited behind me. "That's the lady who asked
+for you over there." He approached the girl, who turned timidly.</p>
+
+<p>"You wanted to see Mrs. Hartley, didn't you? This is she."</p>
+
+<p>It was probably the surprise of hearing correct English from the lips of
+a bell-boy which diverted my attention for a second. When I<a name="page_155" id="page_155"></a> looked at
+the visitor I saw that she had flushed and was overcome with confusion.</p>
+
+<p>"There is&mdash;there appears to be some mistake," she stammered, addressing
+herself to the retreating boy and averting my gaze. "I asked to see Mr.
+Hartley&mdash;Mr. William Hartley," she called after the boy, though her
+voice was scarcely audible. She looked toward the door in a bewildered
+manner as if her only desire was to get away. There was something so
+distressing, so pathetic about her embarrassment; not a modicum of
+<i>savoir faire</i> or bluff to help her out. I found myself saying in a
+kindly tone that only added oil to the flames: "I am Mrs. Hartley; Mrs.
+William Hartley. Is there anything I can do?"</p>
+
+<p>For a full minute we stood and looked at each other. Under the full
+light, which the boy had switched on as he went out, her face and figure
+were sharply limned. A tall woman has always the best of it in any
+controversy, though I am sure my <i>vis-à-vis</i> did not realize her
+advantage. If her mind was as confused as her face indicated she was to
+be pitied. She was not merely a plain woman; she was the epitome of
+plainness. Nature had not given her a single redeeming feature; there
+was not<a name="page_156" id="page_156"></a> even a hint of sauciness to the upturned nose; not a
+speculative quirk to the corner of the mouth or a fetching droop to the
+eyelids which sometimes illuminates the plainest of faces. Perhaps she
+realized the niggardliness of her gifts. There was an evident attempt at
+primping. Her hat sat uneasily upon a head unaccustomed to the
+hair-dresser's art. The shoes, too, I felt, were painful: they were so
+new and the heels so high, and unstable&mdash;a radical departure from the
+common-sense last which was as much a component part of her as the feet
+themselves. I visualized her home, her life and her commonplace
+associates ... the eternal illusion of the stage ... Will's magnetism,
+combined with the perfections and never-failing nobility of the stage
+hero.... I saw it all as clearly as I saw the strained,
+vari-expressioned face before me. All this in a brief fleeting moment. I
+smiled encouragingly. Her eyes met mine, then wavered and drooped, and
+drooping rested upon the violets&mdash;and we both understood....</p>
+
+<p>"Won't you sit down?" I said, leading the way to a divan with the idea
+of easing the situation. "Do have a pillow!&mdash;there, is that more
+comfortable? These sofas seem never<a name="page_157" id="page_157"></a> to fit in to one's back.... I'm
+sorry Mr. Hartley is not in. Usually he <i>is</i> in at this hour, but
+to-night he is dining out. I know he will be sorry to have missed you,
+for I am sure he wants to thank you in person for the lovely flowers.
+Yes, he told me all about it and we both appreciated your sweetness in
+sending them. I hope Mr. Hartley wrote and properly thanked you,"&mdash;I
+rattled on, hoping to give her time to recover herself. "He is, as a
+rule, quite punctilious in these matters, but with the holidays and the
+extra matinées&mdash;" I finished with an expressive shrug. There was a
+disheartening silence.</p>
+
+<p>"I think I must be going," she faltered at last, waiting for me to rise.
+"I'm afraid I've kept you too long.... You've been very kind.... I hope
+you haven't been shocked by ... by ... the unconventional way I...." Her
+speech came in jerks.</p>
+
+<p>"Not at all," I answered, jumping in and anticipating my cue. "Not at
+all!" I reiterated, injecting more warmth in the confirmation than I
+intended. I walked with her to the elevator. "I'm sorry it is so late or
+I would ask you to stop for a cup of tea. But you will come again, won't
+you?&mdash;perhaps you'll telephone me one<a name="page_158" id="page_158"></a> morning&mdash;not <i>too</i> early&mdash;&mdash;" I
+laughed a little as I pressed the button&mdash;"we're not early risers, and
+we'll arrange a time when Mr. Hartley can be with us. I want you to meet
+the boy&mdash;O, yes, we've got a baby, too! Of course, <i>we</i> think him the
+most wonderful baby in the world. Aren't parents a conceited lot?" ... I
+pressed her limp hand and smiled good-byes as the lift bore her out of
+sight.</p>
+
+<p>Then the smile went out of me. I felt angry with myself: I felt I had
+overdone it. What was the woman to me that I should exert myself to put
+her at ease with herself? She was but one of the silly creatures who
+"chase" the actor and pander to his vanity. I regretted the impulse
+which prompted me to ask her to tea. Truly, I had made a fool of
+myself.... At least, I had prevented her from making a farther fool of
+herself&mdash;and of me....</p>
+
+<p>I went to my room but did not turn on the light for fear of attracting
+Experience, whose room was across the court. She was probably waiting
+for me. I wanted to be alone. I removed the violets from my coat. My
+first impulse was to throw them out the window; then I thought better of
+it&mdash;and of her. They<a name="page_159" id="page_159"></a> represented a woman's illusions&mdash;no, two women's
+illusions.... Will had deliberately fooled me; even Miss Merdell, the
+tall good-looker, knew he was fooling me. That was what she meant when
+she chaffed him about the violets at the Christmas party. Perhaps it was
+not of great consequence, but, does a woman ever forgive a man for
+wounding her self-respect?...</p>
+
+<p>I did not look at Will when I told him of the visitor. He extricated
+himself gracefully. He said he thought my perspicacity would have made
+me tumble to the truth and when I didn't he concluded it was a shame to
+put me wise. And, after all, what did it matter? He had brought the
+flowers home to me when it was an easy matter to have turned them over
+to the extra girls....</p>
+
+<p>Miss Gorr&mdash;that was her name&mdash;came to tea; in fact, she came several
+times. Will declared she was in a fair way of becoming a bore.</p>
+
+<p>"For Heaven's sake, don't turn her loose on me," he expostulated. "I'm
+willing to give her photographs and advice but I don't want to be seen
+about with a freak like that!"</p>
+
+<p>I caught myself wondering&mdash;and I was<a name="page_160" id="page_160"></a> ashamed of the thought&mdash;whether
+Will would have been bored were Miss Gorr not so hopelessly plain. Alice
+was <i>smart</i> and there had been others and would probably be more to
+come. I reached the point where I could shrug my shoulders
+indifferently. It was all a part of the game and I was learning to play
+it....<a name="page_161" id="page_161"></a></p>
+
+<h3><a name="CHAPTER_IX" id="CHAPTER_IX"></a>CHAPTER IX</h3>
+
+<p class="nind">F<small>OLLOWING</small> Boston, the company played Philadelphia, Baltimore and
+Pittsburgh. Each city has its distinguishing characteristics, but
+certain types are to be found all over the country. There is always the
+"fly" married woman hanging about hotel lobbies, lying in wait for the
+actor or any dapper visitor who, like herself, is seeking diversion. She
+drops in for a cock-tail or a high-ball and looks things over. She has a
+sign manual of her own. The headwaiters know her and wink significantly
+when she comes in with her friends. These women are not prostitutes in
+the general acceptance of the word. They are products of our leisure
+class. Their husbands are business or professional men in good standing.
+With comfortable, even luxurious homes, or a stagnant life in a modern
+hotel, time hangs heavily upon their hands. They have no intellectual
+pursuits other than bridge and the "best seller." They pander to their
+worst desires and wallow<a name="page_162" id="page_162"></a> in their alcoholic-fed passions. These are the
+<i>stall-feds</i>; the drones; the wasters; the menace to the womanhood of
+America. These are they who are grist to the divorce mills; who clog the
+yellow press with prurient tales of passion; who stigmatize innocent
+children and handicap them even before birth; who breed and interbreed
+with such unconcern that it is indeed a wise child that knows its own
+father. And in the end, when the Nemesis of faded charms overtakes them,
+the army of harlots is swelled.</p>
+
+<p>The "neglected wife" has become a hoary old joke. It is worked to death.
+My husband is responsible for the statement that in nine cases out of
+ten women use this excuse to condone their own infidelity. "My husband
+doesn't understand me; he knows nothing but business, business,
+business. He doesn't realize there is another side to my nature which is
+utterly starved." Or, "My husband is interested elsewhere. What am I to
+do? For the sake of the children I don't want a divorce, and I am too
+proud to let him see how I feel it. I am only human."</p>
+
+<p>That there are neglected wives a-plenty is a truism. But it is a
+spurious brand of pride<a name="page_163" id="page_163"></a> which sends a woman roaming, seeking the
+consolation of the Toms, Dicks and Harrys of the world. As for the
+children, there are greater evils than divorce. The influence of a house
+divided against itself, the surcharged atmosphere of deceit and
+degrading quarrels cannot fail to impregnate a child's mind, and
+probably at a time when character is being formed.</p>
+
+<p>It is a lucky thing for the honour of the family that the actor is not
+less scrupulous. "They who kiss and run away may live to kiss another
+day" is probably indicative of the worst of his peccadillos. He takes
+the goods the gods provide and credits so much popularity unto his
+irresistible self. If occasionally he is "caught with the goods" it
+makes good copy for the yellows. Incidentally it advertises the actor.
+The woman pays the piper. "What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the
+gander" is likely to remain a nebulous supposition.</p>
+
+<p class="ast">* * * *</p>
+
+<p>There is only one Chicago. Other cities&mdash;Pittsburgh and Cincinnati
+notably&mdash;may be commonplace or vulgar, but Chicago is the epitome of
+commonplace vulgarity. It struck<a name="page_164" id="page_164"></a> me forcibly as I looked over the
+first-night audience. The men are commonplace; the women vulgar. The
+women impress one as ex-waitresses from cheap eating houses or
+sales-"ladies" who have married well. Few of the male population appear
+to own a dress-suit. The women wear ready-made suits with picture hats
+and a plentiful sprinkling of gaudy jewelry. Some of them "make-up"
+atrociously. Their manners are as breezy as the wind from the lake and
+they "make you one of them" the first time you meet. If there is a
+cultured set in Chicago the actor never meets them; it probably resides
+in Chicago through force of circumstances, not through choice. The
+middle class is super-commonplace. The smart set isn't smart; only fast
+and loose. Chicago is a good "show-town." It might be better if managers
+kept their word to send out the original companies. The Western
+metropolis resents a slight to its dignity.</p>
+
+<p>Will's management, therefore, played a trump card when it sent the New
+York production and players. The house was sold out for weeks in
+advance. It was evidenced on the opening night that Will had left a good
+impression in Chicago from former visits. He received a<a name="page_165" id="page_165"></a> hand on his
+entrance. When a supporting actor is thus remembered it proves his
+popularity.</p>
+
+<p>After the performance we went to the College Inn with some friends of
+Will's. Everybody who is <i>anybody</i> goes to that ill-ventilated hole
+below stairs; one gets a sort of <i>revue</i> of the town's follies. Chicago
+is hopelessly provincial. There is a profound intimacy with other
+people's affairs. Such purveyors of privacy as the Clubfellow and Town
+Topics must find it no easy matter to get copy which is not already
+common property, with the edge taken off. Our host and hostess of the
+evening kept up a running fire of gossip concerning the people about us.</p>
+
+<p>At a table near-by sat a gross looking woman with a combative eye. Her
+escort was a pliable, colourless youth, who, I assumed, was her son.
+This person was on bowing terms with many of the <i>habitués</i> of the Inn.
+A number of actors lingered at her table and laughed effectively at her
+sallies. When Will told me she was a certain female critic on a Chicago
+newspaper I understood the homage paid her. I did not understand,
+however, her reason for marrying the youth I assumed was her son.<a name="page_166" id="page_166"></a> Our
+hostess said something about the "grateful age" which I didn't
+understand. The lady critic wrote with a venomous pen when mood or
+grudge impelled her. Many an actor writhed under her lashes. It was
+rumoured, however, that her bark was a great deal worse than her bite
+and that if one approached her "in the right way" "she would eat out of
+your hand."</p>
+
+<p>Ever since a person revelling under a euphonious <i>nom de plume</i>, which
+recalls to mind the romantic days of Robin Hood, perverted the function
+of dramatic criticism, imitators have sprung up all over the country.
+"Imitation is the truest flattery." To be caustically funny at the
+expense of truth, to deal in impudent personalia, to lose one's dignity
+in belittling that of others is the construction of the gentle art of
+criticism which American reviewers reserve unto themselves.</p>
+
+<p>Will's friends were a convivial lot. Before the evening was over our
+party had been considerably augmented. Each newcomer added another round
+of drinks. "Have one with me" is a strictly American characteristic.
+When we broke up I had a handful of cards and a confused list of tea,
+dinner and supper engagements.<a name="page_167" id="page_167"></a> Fortunately I was not the only one to
+get mixed. Several of the whilom hostesses simplified matters by
+forgetting the invitations they had extended.</p>
+
+<p>While we were waiting for the automobile one of the women chaffed Will
+in the following manner: "Why, you sly, handsome pup! You never told me
+you were married when you were here before."</p>
+
+<p>"I supposed you knew," was Will's response.</p>
+
+<p>"O, you did! Um! I never say anything about being married, either, when
+I go away for a lark.... Never mind, I'll forgive you if you'll call me
+up. Where are you stopping? How long is your wife going to be in town?"
+The rest was drowned in the approach of the car.</p>
+
+<p>We did not go to Mamma Heward's this time. Heretofore when Will played
+Chicago we had lived at a theatrical boarding-house kept by a dear
+little old Scotch lady. Her's was one of the few good ones throughout
+the country. Unfortunately one had to take a long trolley ride to reach
+her house and Will's performances ended late. Then, too, he had heard
+that the table had gone off and that the<a name="page_168" id="page_168"></a> service was inadequate. I
+imagine, however, that Will felt he had outgrown the boarding-house
+days. He decided upon a family hotel on the north side.</p>
+
+<p>During the week I called on Mamma Heward and took Boy with me. It was
+the first time she had seen him and she raved over him sufficiently to
+satisfy even a young mother's vanity. She enquired after Will and had
+kept in touch with his progress. She had always been fond of him and had
+dubbed him Bobby Burns, whom he somewhat resembled. I saw she felt hurt
+by our apparent desertion and tried to assure her that we should be much
+happier and more comfortable with her; that if it were not for the
+distance from the theatre&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>The dear little old lady patted my hand as if to spare me further
+dissemblance.</p>
+
+<p>"That's the excuse they all give, but it's no farther than ever it was
+and the theatres are as near as ever they were," she said sadly, the
+Scotch burr falling musically upon the ear. "It isn't that.... They're
+forgetting me now they're getting up in the world. It didn't use to be
+too far when they couldn't pay more than eight or ten dollars a week for
+<a name="page_169" id="page_169"></a>their board ... and the little suppers Mamma had waiting for them after
+the theatre...."</p>
+
+<p>She sighed but there was no trace of bitterness. "It's what you must
+expect when you get old and worn out.... It's the way of the world and
+God was always harder on women than he is on men."</p>
+
+<p>There was no answer I could make; I could not have spoken had there been
+anything to say. I felt choked and on the verge of tears. It was all so
+pitiful. There was an air of desolation about the place. The warmth
+which prosperity radiates was no longer evident. Where formerly there
+had been leading players, even a star or two, now there were only the
+lower ranks, and but few of them. Nothing remained of the good old days
+save the rows and rows of photographs which lined the walls, all of them
+autographed and inscribed "With love, to Mamma Heward." Arm in arm we
+reviewed this galaxy of players.</p>
+
+<p>"There is &mdash;&mdash;," she said, stopping in front of a well-known actor. "And
+that's his first wife. She was a dear, good girl. I'm afraid Herbert
+didn't treat her as well as he should. Many's the time she has cried out
+her heart<a name="page_170" id="page_170"></a> in Mamma's arms.... She's married again&mdash;no, not an
+actor&mdash;and she's got two boys, the littlest one the size of yours....
+Now could you ever guess who that is? Yes, that's &mdash;&mdash; when he was leading
+man with Modjeska. The women were crazy about him.... And he was a
+dear&mdash;such a kind-hearted man. I remember once how he kept the furnace
+going when our man got drunk and disappeared for three days. If only I
+had a picture of him shovelling in coal&mdash;his sleeves rolled up and
+spouting Macbeth at the top of his lungs.... Dear old Morry! He was his
+own worst enemy...."</p>
+
+<p>She sighed heavily over the actor's bad end. "And there! Do you
+recognize that? And isn't the boy the livin' image of his father?"</p>
+
+<p>I looked more closely at the photograph. Boy's resemblance to his father
+was even more clearly marked in some of Will's earlier pictures.</p>
+
+<p>"Do you remember the first time you came to me? You hadn't been married
+long. You had a dog, a bull terrier pup. Let me think, now, what was his
+name? Yes, Billy, that's it! And do you mind how ye locked him up in
+your bathroom when you went to the theatre<a name="page_171" id="page_171"></a> and how he ate the matting
+off the floor while ye was gone?"</p>
+
+<p>We both laughed at the recollection, though I had not laughed at the
+time. I was in fear lest Billy be relegated to the cellar where he would
+cry out his puppy heart. But Mamma Heward was never in a bad humour. She
+was all kindness and consideration ... and now she was getting old and
+could no longer please an exacting clientèle. The cost of living had
+gone up; rents were higher; but the little old lady could get no more
+for her rooms. To make both ends meet she dispensed first with one
+servant, then with another, until she and one frail daughter shared the
+entire work of the house. It was no easy matter to cook and serve a
+dozen breakfasts in the rooms at any and all hours; to cater and prepare
+meals and then to wait up until midnight that the players might have a
+hot supper after the performance. How many of those whom she had tided
+over the hard times, how many who had "stood her up" for a board bill,
+or whom she had nursed in times of illness, remembered her now in her
+time of need?</p>
+
+<p>"I'm not finding fault," she said softly, breaking a long silence while
+we looked beyond<a name="page_172" id="page_172"></a> the pictures. "I don't blame them for not coming here
+to live ... only&mdash;I wish they'd drop in to see me sometimes when they
+come to town, just for auld lang syne...."</p>
+
+<p>When I told Will of my visit he looked very serious. I am sure he felt
+sorry we had not gone back to her. The next day we went together to see
+her. Will took her a bottle of port wine. Later he sent her two seats
+for the performance and I promised her that the next time we came to
+Chicago we should stay with her, even if Will were a star....<a name="page_173" id="page_173"></a></p>
+
+<h3><a name="CHAPTER_X" id="CHAPTER_X"></a>CHAPTER X</h3>
+
+<p class="nind">W<small>ILL'S</small> friends certainly provided one continual round of pleasure, if
+dissipation may be classed under that head. I was brought to wonder how
+they found time for "the petty round of irritating concerns and duties"
+of life. They appeared always to be dining or lunching out. One met them
+in the various restaurants at all hours, drinking round upon round of
+cocktails, and polishing them off with cognac. The Pompeian room at the
+Annex between five and six in the afternoon is Chicago typified. The
+artistic gentleman who conceived the decorative scheme of the Pompeian
+room had a sly sense of the eternal fitness of things. He also knew his
+Chicago. The great bacchic amphoræ&mdash;copies of those classic receptacles
+utilized as relief stations by old Romans who had wined too well&mdash;are
+concrete reminders of his sense of humour. I have seen more women in
+Chicago under the influence of liquor than in any other city in the
+world. This probably<a name="page_174" id="page_174"></a> accounts for their low standard of morality as
+well as for the emotional debauches in which they indulge.</p>
+
+<p>There was one couple typical of the class of high-flyers in which
+Chicago abounds. The husband was a throat specialist with a splendid
+practice. He was popular among stage-folk. Will had met the doctor and
+his wife during a former engagement. The wife expressed herself as
+"strong for" Will. Scarcely a day passed without a telephone message or
+a call from Mrs. Pease. She would drop in at the most inopportune times.
+"Don't mind me," she would say, settling herself comfortably. "I've seen
+gentlemen in dressing-gowns before. That red is very becoming to your
+peculiar style of beauty, sir. Nothing if not artistic."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Pease was a tall woman, built on the slab style. She affected
+mannish tailormades and heavy boots. When she sat down she invariably
+crossed her legs. The extremities she exhibited were not prepossessing.
+She was also expert in innuendo and <i>double entente</i>. She flirted
+outrageously with Will and made me feel like the person in the song,
+"Always in the way." In fact I came to the conclusion that wherever we
+went I was accepted as a<a name="page_175" id="page_175"></a> necessary evil&mdash;among the women. There was
+always a "pairing off" after dinner or supper; surreptitious
+<i>rendezvous</i> in the obscure cosey corners; <i>sotto voce</i> conversations,
+not intended for my ears. I found myself getting the habit of talking
+stupid nonsense with persons in whom I was not interested, simply to
+cover the follies of the others.</p>
+
+<p>The men flattered me. Flattery is a habit with men; they think most
+women expect it&mdash;and they do. After a little practice a woman can tell
+to a certainty just what a man is going to say under certain conditions.
+How can any one be flattered by the saccharine platitudes which are
+ground out automatically like chewing-gum from a slot-machine? So few
+women have a sense of humour. They have less self-respect.</p>
+
+<p>Chicago lake-wind claimed me for a victim. I came down with a bad
+throat. Will insisted upon my consulting his physician friend. He was a
+handsome chap&mdash;this popular Doctor Pease&mdash;as blonde as Will was dark,
+but already marked with the ravages of dissipation. He had a genial
+raillery which made it almost impossible to take him seriously. I did
+not know whether it was a part of the treatment<a name="page_176" id="page_176"></a> to unbare my throat and
+shoulders and sound my lungs and to let his hand linger on the uncovered
+flesh, but I didn't like it. Neither did I believe my age, my weight and
+my bust measure had any connection with my throat trouble. Of course I
+didn't tell Will anything about it, but the next time I needed treatment
+I asked him to accompany me. Will liked the doctor, so I kept my own
+counsel.</p>
+
+<p>One noon-day Mrs. Pease telephoned that they were going off on a motor
+trip for a tour of the country clubs, at one of which they had planned
+to dine. They wanted me to join them and after the matinée they would
+send a car to pick up Will, and return him in time for the evening
+performance. I told Will I did not want to go, giving the excuse that my
+throat was still sore. Mrs. Pease answered that the doctor said the air
+would do me good and that he would be responsible for me. I endeavoured
+to compromise by promising to meet them at the theatre after the matinée
+when they picked up Will, but the doctor himself came to the 'phone and
+Will decided for me.</p>
+
+<p>When the telephone announced the arrival of the party I went down to the
+reception<a name="page_177" id="page_177"></a> room, where I found the doctor awaiting me. He bundled me
+into my great fur coat and insisted upon my wearing a fur cap his wife
+had sent me. He cautioned me to wrap up well, as the car was an open
+one. When we went out, as I supposed, to join the others, I was
+surprised to find that the doctor was alone.</p>
+
+<p>"The rest of them have gone on ahead," he answered my enquiring look. "I
+was detained at the office and told them not to wait on us. We'll
+overtake them if the car is in good shape."</p>
+
+<p>I felt strangely uncomfortable as I took my seat beside him in the
+racing machine. He secured the robes about me with his easy familiarity
+and tucked me in with a good deal of care. As he seated himself at the
+wheel and drew on his gloves he smiled at me and asked whether I was
+timid. He said he made it a rule to kiss a woman whenever she screamed.
+That was not a propitious beginning, I thought. The doctor drove
+skillfully, although recklessly.</p>
+
+<p>The boulevard system of Chicago is an excellent one. We covered miles of
+smooth paving, from which the snow had been removed, before we reached
+the country roads. After<a name="page_178" id="page_178"></a> he had "let her out a bit" and showed me what
+she could do, he slowed up and turned to me with a little laugh, "That's
+going some, isn't it?" It struck me at the time that "going some" was
+probably the motto on the city's escutcheon. Everybody wants to be
+faster than everybody else.</p>
+
+<p>The air <i>was</i> exhilarating. My face tingled from the contact with the
+wind. The doctor's glances made me uncomfortable. "You look like a
+rosy-cheeked boy," he said. "I'd like to bite you." I silently thanked
+the stars the car was an open one.</p>
+
+<p>Farther on we stopped at a country club. The doctor said it was a long
+time between drinks. As we drove into the club-grounds I noticed another
+motor under the shed. I hoped it might belong to other members of the
+party. The doctor made straight for the shed. When I looked at the deep
+snow, and only a narrow path cleared to the club house, I apprehended
+some silliness on the part of my host.</p>
+
+<p>Disregarding his suggestion to sit still while he put up his machine, I
+climbed down and picked my way over the slippery path. I had not gone
+far when the doctor overtook me and,<a name="page_179" id="page_179"></a> seizing me from behind, lifted me
+in his arms. Not even the presence of the men shovelling snow prevented.
+My first impulse was to free myself, and I believe I administered a kick
+or two. The more I remonstrated the more he laughed. The picture of
+making a ridiculous show of myself made me submit to being carried the
+rest of the way.</p>
+
+<p>After ushering me into the living-room the doctor had the good sense to
+leave me alone for a while. By the time he appeared I had sufficiently
+recovered my equilibrium to receive him frostily. My dignity was lost on
+him. He pulled up a great armchair in front of the roaring fire and bade
+me drink the hot scotch the waiter at that moment brought in. A subdued
+titter from an obscure corner of the room sent the doctor in search of
+other occupants. He discovered them behind a screen.</p>
+
+<p>"Aha!" he greeted them in mock-seriousness. "Discovered!"</p>
+
+<p>"Stung"; responded a masculine voice. "So this is why you wouldn't join
+our party, eh? You sneaked off by yourselves. I didn't think anybody but
+me would have the nerve to try this place so soon after the snow-storm."</p>
+
+<p>"Neither did we!"<a name="page_180" id="page_180"></a></p>
+
+<p>"For Heaven's sake don't give us away, will you?" It was the woman who
+spoke.... "Who've you got with you?" she added in a lower tone.</p>
+
+<p>"O, a little friend of mine," answered the doctor. "Come over and meet
+her. I think you know her husband&mdash;Hartley, the actor."</p>
+
+<p>I fear the couple whose <i>rendezvous</i> we had discovered were not
+impressed with the popular actor's wife. My conversation was limited to
+monosyllables. The omission, I fancy, was not serious. They had their
+own topic of conversation. It revolved chiefly around the tenth
+commandment. In fact, one might conclude with perfect assurance that the
+seventh and the last of the commandments are the <i>raison d'être</i> of all
+conversation among that set.... I lost count of the drinks. The doctor
+said that in the future he would provide Maraschino cherries by the
+bottle for my especial delectation.</p>
+
+<p>When we left the club it was dark. The doctor's friends went at the same
+time. They had a chauffeur. The doctor's bloodshot eyes made me wish we,
+too, had one. The cold air, happily, set him right. He drove more<a name="page_181" id="page_181"></a>
+carefully than earlier in the day. Perhaps he recognized his own
+condition. Once he slowed down and looked at his watch.</p>
+
+<p>"We're going to be late," he said. "I've half a mind to telephone that
+we've picked up a puncture and have gone back to town for repairs. What
+do you say?" He appeared to be turning the matter over in his mind, but
+I could see that he was not taking me into consideration.</p>
+
+<p>"No, we can't do that," I said without too much emphasis. "Mr. Hartley
+would be worried."</p>
+
+<p>He smiled at me as he replaced his watch. "Yes, I guess you're right; it
+will have to wait until some other time." He patted the covers above my
+lap. "Little Girl," he murmured, rather too tenderly. I was glad I could
+not see his eyes. The car shot ahead. For the next half hour I had a
+bewildering sense of flying over the snow-clad earth, coming now and
+then in contact with it as the car struck a rut. The lights, striking
+against the stalactited branches of the trees and foliage, scintillated
+like the tiara of a comic-opera star&mdash;or the Diamond Horseshoe on
+society night at the Metropolitan.<a name="page_182" id="page_182"></a></p>
+
+<p>We were the last ones to arrive at the country club where we were to
+dine. This time the doctor dropped me at the door. Someone was drumming
+the piano as I came in. By the time I had taken off my wraps the doctor
+joined me. There was a general noisy greeting when we entered the great
+hall. Nearly all of the women I had met before. "I thought the doctor
+had smashed you up," one of them said. "Or punctured a tire and gone
+back to town," another added, giving the doctor a broad wink.</p>
+
+<p>"Leila's gone back to town to get Mr. Hartley," volunteered someone
+else. (Leila was Mrs. Pease.)</p>
+
+<p>I settled myself in a niche of the chimney-seat, hoping to thaw out
+eventually. I was chilled to the very depths of my being, and it was not
+altogether physical. There were lots and lots of cocktails before
+dinner. Judging from the spirits of the company there had been a few
+before we arrived. When I heard that Mrs. Pease herself was driving the
+car in which she had gone to fetch Will, I had visions of his being
+dumped into a snow-bank or of colliding with a trolley. It seemed an
+interminable time until they appeared. We had<a name="page_183" id="page_183"></a> reached the entrée. There
+was a noisy greeting and a round of sallies.</p>
+
+<p>"Explain yourself!"</p>
+
+<p>"We thought you'd eloped or got locked up for speeding!"</p>
+
+<p>"Stopped on the road, I'll bet," said the doctor, who had risen and
+grasped Will's hand. Will waved to me across the table.</p>
+
+<p>"O, you actor!" came from the woman at my right but one. I recognized
+the person who had reproved Will after the supper at the College Inn on
+the opening night.</p>
+
+<p>When the champagne was served Will raised his glass to me.</p>
+
+<p>"Drink it&mdash;it won't hurt you; you look tired," he said, in a stage
+whisper.</p>
+
+<p>"Stop flirting with your wife!" remonstrated Mrs. Pease. "Doc&mdash;<i>Doc</i>!"
+(The doctor was busy with a little blonde lady on the left.) He turned
+enquiringly to his wife's bleat. "You're neglecting your patient.
+Handsome Willy here says his wife is pale and wants to know what you've
+been doing to her!"</p>
+
+<p>The doctor leaned over me solicitously. "Never mind&mdash;I'm the doctor."
+For the rest of the meal he devoted himself to me.</p>
+
+<p>During the dinner a party of five came in<a name="page_184" id="page_184"></a> and sat at another table. Two
+of them proved to be the couple we had met at the other country club.
+The man winked discreetly to the doctor.</p>
+
+<p>"Ye gods!" exclaimed the woman at my left but one. "It's Sid!&mdash;and I'm
+supposed to be home, sick in bed with a headache!"</p>
+
+<p>She looked at the man I had met and I assumed he was "Sid." "Damn such a
+town, anyway, where you can't go out without running into your own
+husband. Doc, who's he got with him?" She leered across the room at
+"Sid's" good-looking companions.</p>
+
+<p>"Never mind, Bell," soothed the doctor, "neither of you have got
+anything on the other."</p>
+
+<p>Bell blew him a kiss. "Dear old pain-killer!" she purred.</p>
+
+<p>A little later "Sid" came over to the table and the doctor joined the
+other party. Sid's wife started to introduce him to me.</p>
+
+<p>"I've met the lady," he interrupted, not giving me credit for any
+discretion.</p>
+
+<p>"O, you have," she said in an unpleasant tone.</p>
+
+<p>As he passed on behind her chair he said to<a name="page_185" id="page_185"></a> her <i>sotto voce</i>,
+"Headache, eh? I like the way you lie."</p>
+
+<p>"O, you go to hell!" was the gentle rejoinder. There was still a trace
+of the anger which illuminated her bleary eyes when she turned to me.
+"What do you think of him trying to put it over me?"</p>
+
+<p>She steered back to the subject which was on her mind. Where had I met
+her husband and when? I told her I didn't recall&mdash;that he was probably
+mistaken. She knew I was lying. I am sure I don't know why I did it.</p>
+
+<p>Someone started telling funny stories. They were not really funny; only
+smutty. The women were more daring than the men. Will always declared
+that women were "whole hoggers" when once they started. I presume they
+labour under the impression that it is sporty or that it pleases the men
+"to go them one better." Ever since Eve was made for Adam's pleasure the
+female sex has been as pliable as the original mixture of mud and a
+floating rib. Women, generally, are what men want them to be....</p>
+
+<p>As time went by I began to fret lest Will be late for the evening
+performance. Finally I caught his eye and he understood my message.<a name="page_186" id="page_186"></a> He
+looked at his watch and jumped to his feet. "Doc, what's the best time
+your machine can make? I've got precisely twenty minutes before the
+curtain goes up."</p>
+
+<p>"I'll get you there," answered the doctor as he left the table.</p>
+
+<p>"I'll drive him in," called the doctor's wife.</p>
+
+<p>"No, I guess not!" he answered over his shoulder. I devoutly, if mutely,
+thanked heaven. I am sure the doctor realized that his wife was "three
+sheets to the wind"&mdash;to use Will's favourite expression.</p>
+
+<p>I made my adieus and rose to follow Will.</p>
+
+<p>"Where are you going?" called Mrs. Pease. "No, you don't&mdash;you don't
+shake us like this! Willy, tell your wife to sit down and behave
+herself." In vain I expostulated that I must go back to the baby. "Never
+mind the kiddie; he's asleep and don't even know he's got a mother." She
+followed us into the hall where the doctor and Will were hurrying into
+their fur coats.</p>
+
+<p>"You can't go this trip, little lady," and the doctor pushed me out of
+the draughty doorway. "There's no room in the car and we're going to
+ride like hell." I appealed mutely to Will, who drew me aside.<a name="page_187" id="page_187"></a></p>
+
+<p>"Stick it out a little longer, girlie. They'll feel hurt if you don't.
+You can telephone to the hotel if you're anxious about the boy." He
+kissed me lightly. I felt on the verge of rebellion.</p>
+
+<p>"Shall you be late?" I managed.</p>
+
+<p>"No&mdash;unless something breaks down on the way. I'm not on until after the
+rise, and if necessary I'll go on without my make-up."</p>
+
+<p>"Come on, Hartley!" The doctor was already at the wheel. We watched them
+spurt ahead.</p>
+
+<p>"I hope your husband's insured," gurgled one of the women.... I felt
+sick and wretched. I wanted to go home, even if it were only a hotel
+room. Home was where Boy was. I had a wild impulse of stealing out
+unnoticed and asking my way to the nearest trolley line. Then I
+remembered I had not a cent in my purse.</p>
+
+<p>The return of the doctor relieved my mind as to Will's safe arrival. I
+comforted myself with the thought that the party would soon break up.
+The diners across the room had joined us before the return of the
+doctor. There was another round of liqueurs and at last someone moved to
+break up. "Sid's" wife,<a name="page_188" id="page_188"></a> whose tongue was getting thick, suggested that
+we all go for a drive and end up by having supper at Rector's. There was
+general acquiescence. "Let's make a night of it," was the slogan.</p>
+
+<p>While the others were dividing themselves to suit the accommodation of
+the various automobiles, Mrs. Pease and I went to the dressing-room.
+"Lord! Don't I look a sight?" she exclaimed, scanning her reflection in
+the mirror. "That's the worst of booze; it makes me white around the
+gills." She daubed on a bit of rouge and patted it over with a powder
+puff. I took advantage of our tête-à-tête and asked her if she would be
+so good as to arrange to drop me at my hotel on the way back.</p>
+
+<p>"Why, my dear, you're not going home yet; you're going right along with
+us."</p>
+
+<p>"I really must not.... Mr. Hartley wouldn't approve, I know. I have not
+been well and&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Rot! You leave that to the doctor. He'll stop and leave a note at the
+theatre.... Doc! <i>Doc!</i> Come here...." The doctor peeped in the doorway.</p>
+
+<p>"O, come in&mdash;we're only powdering our noses," Mrs. Pease called to him.
+"Say, look<a name="page_189" id="page_189"></a> here! Mrs. H. thinks hubby might not approve of her going on
+with us&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"I didn't mean&mdash;" I began.</p>
+
+<p>"I tell her you'll fix it up with him," she interrupted.</p>
+
+<p>"It's fixed&mdash;long ago. I told your husband we'd come for him after the
+show. He'll want a bite to eat anyway, and why not be sociable? He told
+me to tell you to be a good little sport and wait for him." He laid an
+arm around my shoulders and Mrs. Pease, still busy in front of the
+mirror, laughed in mock seriousness.</p>
+
+<p>"O, don't mind me!"</p>
+
+<p>"Did Mr. Hartley&mdash;did my husband say he expected me to wait?"</p>
+
+<p>"Sure Mike," broke in Mrs. Pease. "Doc, you go pilot that bunch so they
+don't butt into my preserves. Saidee is soused, and when Saidee gets
+soused she gets nasty drunk." The doctor disappeared. "I can't stand for
+women who don't know their capacity," Mrs. Pease continued, working on
+her complexion. "You're a wise little gazabo to go slow on the fizz. I
+watched you to-night, and the way you manipulated the glasses was a
+scream.... Do you know you made a great hit with the doctor?<a name="page_190" id="page_190"></a> You're
+just his style&mdash;dark eyes, full bust and not 'higher than his heart.'
+... O, I'm not jealous! The Doc and I are on to each other." She winked
+at me and led the way to the hall.</p>
+
+<p>"On to each other." ... I mulled over the expression as I watched
+husbands and wives pairing off with and showing their preference for
+someone else. Everybody seemed to be "on to each other." It was a game
+of <i>stalemates</i>.</p>
+
+<p>I drove back with the doctor. There was no way out of it without making
+a scene. "Sid" and the doctor engaged in a brush along the road. The
+reckless speeding fitted in with my mood. There were moments when I
+almost wished that something would break and land me with some broken
+bones, if nothing more. I was smarting under Will's obvious lack of
+consideration; He knew the atmosphere was not a congenial one, yet he
+sacrificed me to it without hesitation. I wanted with all my heart to
+have him popular and sought after; I was willing to play the game&mdash;up to
+a certain point. But when the game entailed a loss of self-respect, of
+confidence, or of equivocation with one's better instincts, there I drew
+the line. It ceased to be worth the candle.<a name="page_191" id="page_191"></a></p>
+
+<p>I could no longer shut my eyes to the encroachments upon our happiness
+the very exigencies of his profession demanded. My passionate and
+childish efforts at blind man's buff were not convincing. The time had
+come when my husband and I must have a complete understanding. I must
+make clear to him how I felt. After that, if he were still blind to the
+dangers which threatened our life&mdash;no, I would not dwell on such a
+contingency. I felt sure Will would see things at their true valuation.
+For the first time that day I settled back to something approaching a
+state of composure. One always feels less perturbed after determining
+upon a course of action. I resolved to see the evening through with as
+much equanimity as possible. There was something grimly humorous about
+the situation: if Will really wanted to make a sport of me I was
+"cutting my eye-teeth" with a vengeance.</p>
+
+<p>So engaged was I with my own thoughts I had not noticed that we had
+slowed up. Coincidentally the car came to a stop. The doctor rose to his
+feet and looked behind him.</p>
+
+<p>"Anything wrong?" I questioned.</p>
+
+<p>"No; I only wanted to make sure the coast was clear."<a name="page_192" id="page_192"></a></p>
+
+<p>He knelt with one knee on the seat and pulled the robe about me from
+behind. With his free hand he raised my face close to his, and held me
+there.</p>
+
+<p>"I'm going to have one kiss from those luscious lips&mdash;if it takes a
+leg," he said.</p>
+
+<p>The doctor was a strong man. Will had often remarked that no one would
+suspect me of having so much strength. Yet I was a mere child in the
+doctor's hands. He pinioned my arms beneath the weight of his body. He
+kept his lips on mine until the strength oozed out of my finger-tips
+from sheer suffocation. When he raised his head it was only to look at
+me and breathing hard again to fasten himself upon me with a fiercer
+tremor which shook his whole frame.... Only once or twice in all our
+married life had Will kissed me like that. I had believed it an
+expression of purest love. I realized now that it connoted other
+emotions less pure.... "Baby! Baby!... Put your arms around my neck....
+You haven't fainted, have you?" ... He lifted me to my feet. I could not
+repress a hysterical sob. "There&mdash;that's better! I didn't mean to be so
+rough, but I'm mad about you. You drive me crazy! Kiss me of your own
+free will...."<a name="page_193" id="page_193"></a></p>
+
+<p>I succeeded in holding him back while I looked him in the eyes,
+struggling to express what my lips refused to say.... "O ... O...." I
+finally stammered. "Is it right?... Do you think it's right?..."</p>
+
+<p>Wholly misconstruing my words, he strained me to him and kissed me more
+tenderly, endeavouring to soothe me. "Right? Little boy, who the devil
+cares whether it's right or not! It's nice, isn't it? Don't you love
+it?"</p>
+
+<p>"My husband ... do you think it's right to him?..."</p>
+
+<p>Something of the disgust I felt must have pierced him, for he released
+me with a change of expression.</p>
+
+<p>"O, come now&mdash;don't spring that old gag on your friend the Doc.... What
+do you care as long as he doesn't get on to it?... You know as well as I
+do that a good-looking fellow in his profession has it thrown at him
+from all sides. You don't think he turns 'em <i>all</i> down, do you? You've
+got too much sense for that.... Come on, now ... let's understand each
+other.... You're as safe with me as a babe on its mother's breast....
+<a name="page_194" id="page_194"></a>I'll call you up on Saturday and we'll go off some place together ...
+where we can talk it over.... God, Baby! I'm crazy about you!..."</p>
+
+<p class="ast">* * * *</p>
+
+<p>When Will and I walked into our rooms at the hotel the little travelling
+clock on my bureau pointed the hour of three. I slipped out of the fur
+coat the doctor had loaned me and left it in a heap upon the floor. I
+don't know how long I stood contemplating space.... Then I heard him
+cross the room and pick up the coat. I felt his eyes fastened upon me. I
+roused myself and went into the bedroom, where I began to take down my
+hair in front of the mirror. Will followed me and I saw that he was
+watching me in the glass. After a moment he spoke to me.</p>
+
+<p>"Girlie ..." his voice was kind.... "You'll have to learn to gauge your
+capacity.... You're not a tank like the rest of the crowd.... Look at
+your face; it's as red as a red, red rose&mdash;and has been all evening."</p>
+
+<p>He patted me on the arm and went into the bathroom. I felt as if I were
+going to shriek.... <i>Will thought I was drunk....</i> I<a name="page_195" id="page_195"></a> looked at myself
+in the glass.... My face was drawn and there were red burning spots in
+my cheeks.... My eyes peered but like two burnt holes in a blanket....
+Yes, it was plain to see that I was not myself.... I smothered a burst
+of hysterical laughter.... I started toward the bathroom where Will was
+preparing for bed. I intended to tell him that in all, during the entire
+day, I had taken only one glass of champagne&mdash;and that at his
+request.... Then I stopped. I did not dare to trust myself.... I knew he
+would laugh and pet me and say he had not meant to criticize and then he
+would take me in his arms ... and I would cry it all out upon his
+heart.... I would tell him the whole miserable experience ... and he ...
+what would <i>he</i> do? If he called the doctor to account there would be a
+scandal.... It would be degrading.... I could never endure it.... <i>And
+if he did not call the Doctor to account&mdash;if he merely cut him without
+demanding satisfaction</i>, I should <i>despise</i> him&mdash;I should <i>hate</i> him....
+"O, yes you would&mdash;you <i>know</i> you would, though you wouldn't acknowledge
+<a name="page_196" id="page_196"></a>it even to yourself" ... it was Miss Burton's voice.... "Take my
+advice&mdash;better not tell him at all." I switched off the light, so that
+Will could not see my face....</p>
+
+<p class="ast">* * * *</p>
+
+<p><a name="page_197" id="page_197"></a></p>
+
+<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XI" id="CHAPTER_XI"></a>CHAPTER XI</h3>
+
+<p class="nind">I <small>REVELLED</small> in the heavy cold which kept me indoors. No amount of urging
+or cajoling on the part of my husband could induce me to see the doctor.
+Were I to express a preference for some other physician, Will's
+suspicions might be aroused. Experience applied old-fashioned remedies
+and in a few days I was able to be about the room. Mrs. Pease telephoned
+daily and called several times in person. Will saw her, but Experience
+had been instructed that I could see no one. During my retirement I had
+turned things over in my mind, arguing <i>pro</i> and <i>con</i> the advisability
+of a thorough understanding with Will. It appeared to me that the danger
+of such a proceeding lay in the tearing down of barriers which could
+never again be replaced&mdash;a rending aside of all illusion between us.
+Heretofore I had refrained from any expression of animadversion of his
+profession or his conduct. If he suspected any dissatisfaction on my
+part he preferred to let it pass without comment.<a name="page_198" id="page_198"></a></p>
+
+<p>Spasmodically he indulged in bursts of confidence&mdash;confidences of the
+kind not calculated to improve my opinion of his profession. At such
+times he appeared fully to appreciate the corroding atmosphere in which
+he lived. He even contemplated retiring from the stage. These phases
+were rare, however, generally attending a disappointment in a rôle,
+discontent with an engagement or unfavourable criticism of his work. The
+mood soon passed and he appeared to be content with the ephemeral joys
+of the moment.</p>
+
+<p>The longer I brooded over the subject the less sure I became of any good
+to be attained by a frank expression of my mind. Were I to eliminate all
+circumlocution and say: "My husband, there is something fundamentally
+wrong with a profession which demands a compromise with one's best
+instincts," or "the class of people with which you come in daily contact
+make for your ultimate degradation," or, again, "I do not approve of
+your petty deceits, the complacency with which you accept moral
+obliquity, the low standard which permeates our entire life," this would
+call for amplification, an indulgence in personalities which could
+result only in a greater breach between us. I<a name="page_199" id="page_199"></a> might even be accused of
+jealousy, inconsideration for his future, and a lack of faith in the
+man.</p>
+
+<p>It had often occurred to me that there was such a thing as too great
+intimacy, a too careless frankness between husband and wife! A lack of
+reserve which ended in a secret contempt for each other's weaknesses. To
+be tolerant of and to respect these weaknesses while striving to
+stimulate the best in each other's nature; in short, to be a complement,
+each to the other, this appeared to me the basic principle of marriage.
+And as I had done in the past I again fell back upon my inner self. I
+wanted, O, I so wanted to develop the best that was in him ... and there
+was much, nearly all of him was good. The danger lay in environment....</p>
+
+<p>One day&mdash;it was a week later that Will had planned to dine at the Press
+Club&mdash;I lay on the couch watching Boy. He sat on a fur rug on the floor,
+playing with Snyder. Experience had gone down to an early dinner. There
+was a knock on the door. I called out, "Come in." It was the doctor.</p>
+
+<p>"I took advantage of my professional capacity and came up unannounced,"
+he said, easily,<a name="page_200" id="page_200"></a> without directly looking at me. He removed his coat
+and tickled Boy's face with the tail of the fur lining. Boy drew up his
+nose and laughed at the sensation, and the doctor dropped the coat upon
+the floor for him to play with. Then he squatted beside him while Boy
+stroked the fur and called it "cat." For several minutes the doctor
+busied himself with the child, deploring the deformities of Snyder and
+imitating a dog's bark.</p>
+
+<p>"Great boy, that!" he concluded, rising to his feet and taking a long
+breath.</p>
+
+<p>"Now, then, tell me all about it," he said, drawing up a chair in a
+purely professional manner and looking at me without a trace of
+self-consciousness. "You're pale; that's what you get for not sending
+for the doc. How's your pulse?" He reached for my hand and held it
+regardless of my frowning face.... "Rotten ... you need a tonic. I'll
+write a prescription right off." There was silence while he wrote. Then
+he rose, placed the slip of paper on the table, tossed the boy in the
+air and crossed back, looking down at me with his hands in his pockets.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, little girl, what have you got to say for yourself?... I suppose
+<a name="page_201" id="page_201"></a>you're still sore on me ... forget it and forgive. I apologize. I acted
+like a beast, I know.... It was the booze. It got the better of my
+judgment. Just the same, <i>in vino veritas</i>, I was most terribly stuck on
+you&mdash;and still am&mdash;no, sit still! I'm cold sober.... I thought, of
+course, you were like the rest.... Come, shake hands with me and say all
+is forgiven. I saw your husband to-day and he told me to come and see
+you.... I knew then that it was all right.... I felt sure you had too
+much common sense to tell hubby.... When are you coming out of the
+nunnery?..." He threw himself into the chair and smiled genially. I was
+holding fast to something he had said: "I thought of course you were
+like the rest." ...</p>
+
+<p>"Doctor, will you answer me a question&mdash;truthfully, I mean?"</p>
+
+<p>"I will if I can," he flashed back at me.</p>
+
+<p>"You said a few minutes since that you had thought me like the rest. Who
+did you mean by 'the rest'&mdash;women as a class&mdash;the class you go about
+with&mdash;or the women of the stage?"</p>
+
+<p>"Well ... if you want the honest truth&mdash;I had actresses in mind when I
+spoke."</p>
+
+<p>"You believe actresses are any worse, even<a name="page_202" id="page_202"></a> as bad, as the women I met
+at dinner last week?"</p>
+
+<p>"Um ... ye-s ... I think actresses would go farther."</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Go farther!</i>"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes. None of these women&mdash;at least not many of them&mdash;you've met would
+really go the limit. They do a good deal of playing around the edge, but
+it's only once in a while they get into a scrape.... Look here! I don't
+hold a brief for judging the relative virtues of women. I don't blame
+anybody for squeezing all the enjoyment they can out of life&mdash;for you
+don't know what's coming hereafter."</p>
+
+<p>The doctor showed signs of irritation....</p>
+
+<p>A sound from Boy suggested my next remark.</p>
+
+<p>"Suppose one has children?"</p>
+
+<p>"That's a horse of another colour.... Though when you come right down to
+it I don't see that a family cuts much ice. Children are for the most
+part accidents. They just happen. Their conception is the result of
+carelessness or laziness. Their ultimate arrival is accepted a good deal
+like a deluge or a fire; you do everything you can to stop it&mdash;to the
+verge of self-destruction&mdash;then you throw up your<a name="page_203" id="page_203"></a> hands and accept the
+inevitable. There isn't one love child in a million. I mean a child of
+love in the sense of premeditated and welcome conception. Men and women
+marry for one of a half dozen reasons, most commonly because they
+believe they are in love. When the honeymoon wanes and you get right
+down to commonplace, every-day life in all its ugliness, we begin to
+feet that we've been buncoed. If we are truthful with ourselves we
+acknowledge a share of the bunco game. Way back in our subconscious mind
+the sensation of our courtship, the pursuit and the first mad moments of
+possession have stuck fast.... We fairly throb at the thought of them.
+We begin to hanker for a repetition of these sensuous dope-dreams....
+Presently we are off hot for the chase ... and a little dash of the
+forbidden fruit acts as a stimulant. Like all stimulants it becomes
+necessary to increase the dose after a while to insure efficacy. That's
+where we begin to slop over...." The doctor leaned back with the air of
+one who is satisfied with his diagnosis.</p>
+
+<p>"We are getting away from the subject," I remarked caustically.<a name="page_204" id="page_204"></a></p>
+
+<p>"Not a bit of it ... we're running along converging lines. The stage is
+the mart for the prettiest and most magnetic of women. A pretty woman
+may be moral, but the chances are against it. Every man looks upon her
+as so much legitimate loot. They differ only in their methods of getting
+away with it. Sometimes they effect a legitimate sale: this is what our
+social system calls marriage. More often the rate of exchange is
+usurious on the part of the man. It varies from a bottle of wine and a
+few pretty clothes to a diamond necklace and equally brilliant
+promises.... Now here's where our lines converge. The stage is a good
+place to show goods. Our eternal chase bids us go in and look 'em
+over&mdash;and&mdash;if you are in a mood to trade&mdash;to say nothing of having the
+price&mdash;you'll find a bevy of ambitious beauties with a keen eye to
+business."</p>
+
+<p>"You infer, then, that the society lady sins for love only&mdash;and that the
+actress bestows her affection for purely mercenary motives?"</p>
+
+<p>"I don't make any such broad distinction as that&mdash;but I believe the
+actress has always an eye on the main chance and that she wouldn't let a
+little thing like love interfere with business.... The society woman, on
+the other<a name="page_205" id="page_205"></a> hand, usually goes wrong because she's unhappily married and
+tries to make up for what's missing by stealing a little happiness on
+the side."</p>
+
+<p>"Then I am to believe that the stories one reads about lovers who
+present other men's wives with bejewelled gold purses and other little
+feminine gew-gaws are wholly fictitious; pure emanations from the brain
+of newspaper reporters&mdash;or the French dramatist ... and from the divorce
+records?"</p>
+
+<p>The doctor threw back his head and roared like a lion....</p>
+
+<p>"Perhaps you'll be good enough to tell me under what head you classified
+me&mdash;being neither a love-lorn society lady nor an ambitious actress with
+an eye to the main chance...."</p>
+
+<p>The doctor sobered to the point of anger. "I have told you that I am
+sorry.... I have apologized.... After all, what are we rowing about?
+You've proved an alibi&mdash;you're not like the rest&mdash;so let's forget it."</p>
+
+<p>"I <i>can't</i> forget it.... You are judging a whole class by a few
+individuals who share your perverted ideas ... individuals who would be
+immoral in a nunnery.... Would any of the women of your set&mdash;name any
+one<a name="page_206" id="page_206"></a> of them&mdash;would she&mdash;<i>could</i> she be less moral on the stage?
+Impossible! I don't believe you when you say none of them would 'go the
+limit!' Women who drink as much as they do; women whose tongues are
+furred with vulgar stories; women who proclaim they are '<i>on</i> to their
+husbands' and that their husbands are <i>on</i> to them and still continue to
+live under the same roof, occupy the same beds; women who write other
+women's husbands love letters and arrange places of assignation ... do
+you mean you do not <i>know</i> these women 'go the limit'?" ... My
+indignation and resentment had swept me like a storm and left me weak
+and bedraggled. The doctor made no response.... I felt that he was
+watching me. After a while I proceeded more quietly....</p>
+
+<p>"The trouble with you, doctor, is that you form your opinions from the
+newspapers. The man who writes the head-lines believes it is his bounden
+duty to accentuate any and everything pertaining to the stage. The most
+obscure chorus girl is 'an actress.' Every divorcée whose antics have
+emblazoned the hall of ill-fame expects to become an actress and the
+newspapers record her aspiration in large type.<a name="page_207" id="page_207"></a> A police court
+magistrate in New York once told me that three-fourths of the women
+arrested on the streets for accosting men gave their occupations on the
+police blotter as 'actress.' Do you think any yellow sheet ever let an
+opportunity like that go by?... If all the petty affairs of your clients
+or your friends and casual acquaintances, both scandalous and innocuous,
+were printed from week to week, do you think there would be an
+appreciable difference between the standard of morality of the doctors,
+the dentists, the butchers and bakers and that of the actor?... I don't
+think you take into consideration that the actor's life is public
+property. He is denied the right of privacy in all matters. Nothing is
+too trivial, too delicately personal, to be shared with the public."</p>
+
+<p>"And who's to blame for that, my lady, but the player himself? Publicity
+is his stock in trade. He's got to advertise, or drop out.... If ever I
+want a divorce, I'll dig up an actor as co-respondent: not because there
+may not be others, but because the actor would appreciate the
+advertisement." ... The doctor leaned toward me to better enjoy my
+discomfiture, then laughed tormentingly.<a name="page_208" id="page_208"></a></p>
+
+<p>I rose to my feet; he accepted his congé lingeringly.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, at any rate I've done you good; your face has got back its
+colour." ... He stood contemplating me for a second.</p>
+
+<p>"You know ... you've got a good deal of think works under that dusky
+head&mdash;only don't think too much.... It's bad business for a woman of
+your temperament." He turned to pick up his coat. Boy had fallen asleep
+upon it, nestling close to the warm fur. "What a shame to disturb
+him&mdash;don't do it. I can do without the coat until I get home." I lifted
+Boy gently and carried him still asleep to the bedroom beyond. The
+doctor followed to the alcove and stood watching while I covered the
+child. Then he picked up his coat and threw it over his arm.</p>
+
+<p>"I guess you're equal to holding Handsome Bill by the leading strings,
+all right.... Hartley's a fine chap; one of the nicest actors I ever
+knew, and I'm downright fond of him." ...</p>
+
+<p>I could not repress a sneer in the safety of the twilight. It was not
+lost on the doctor.</p>
+
+<p>"I know what you are thinking about," he said quietly, "but you know as
+well as I that<a name="page_209" id="page_209"></a> where there's a woman in the case there's about as much
+honour among men as there is among thieves." ... He stretched out his
+hand. "Good-bye, little girl.... I'm glad to have had this talk with
+you; it's better than dodging each other and arousing suspicion. Aren't
+you going to shake hands?... O, well if you look at it in that light ...
+just the same, I'm yours to command whenever you feel the need <a name="page_210" id="page_210"></a>of me."
+... Exit doctor.</p>
+
+<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XII" id="CHAPTER_XII"></a>CHAPTER XII</h3>
+
+<p class="nind">T<small>OWARD</small> the end of the engagement in Chicago it became expedient that I
+undergo a minor operation. Will suggested I enter a private hospital
+near at hand, that he might be in daily communication with me. I
+preferred, however, to return to New York, and place myself under the
+care of our family physician. Our apartment being still occupied, I
+decided on one of the smaller hotels, which abound on the cross streets
+between Twenty-fourth and Forty-fifth. Will's company was booked for a
+week in Cleveland following the Chicago engagement.</p>
+
+<p>I received daily letters from Will telling me how lonely he was without
+Boy and me, and every other day he wired me some nice little greeting.
+The operation was simple and, as Experience was permitted to bring Boy
+to visit me during given hours of the afternoon, the time passed
+quickly.<a name="page_211" id="page_211"></a></p>
+
+<p>By the end of the week I was able to leave the hospital and I had
+apprised Will of my intention. Consequently I was not surprised to find
+a telegram awaiting me at the hotel. Experience said it had probably
+been delivered while she was on the way to fetch me. I waited until I
+had made myself comfy in a big arm chair which Experience had ready for
+me, and while she made a cup of tea over our alcohol lamp I settled back
+to enjoy Will's message. It was a long one, I saw at a glance.
+Experience turned enquiringly at my ejaculation. The telegram had been
+sent from Cincinnati, where Will was now playing, following Cleveland.
+It read: "Come at once if you are able to travel. Not ill, but need your
+presence. Have wired money to bank. Best train Big Four Limited leaving
+at six-thirty p.m. New York Central. Telegraph on departure. Love,
+Will."</p>
+
+<p>I read and reread the message. My perturbation grew. What did Will mean
+by "need your presence"? He forestalled any alarm about his health by
+saying he was not ill, but had he told the truth? Perhaps he had met
+with an accident, a terrible disfiguring&mdash;surely I was letting my nerves
+run away with<a name="page_212" id="page_212"></a> me.... But why did he urge me to come to Cincinnati when
+we had planned to meet the following week in St. Louis, his home city,
+and where there was to be a kind of reunion of the family relatives? It
+was obvious that he expected me, as he had taken the care to look up
+trains and had telegraphed the money.</p>
+
+<p>There was something very much the matter.... I glanced at the clock. It
+lacked a few minutes of five, and the train left at half after six....
+The bank was closed, but I could get a check cashed. Whatever had
+happened it was my duty to be with Will. I jumped to my feet, forgetful
+of my convalescence. The weakness had vanished. I felt strangely well.
+"Experience ... never mind the tea.... We leave for Cincinnati at
+once...."</p>
+
+<p>Experience set down the kettle and looked at me with her hand on her
+hips.... I made no explanation, but began to don the clothes I had only
+a moment since removed. The necessity for immediate action finally
+seeped into Experience's brain. "Then I guess I'll have to fly at
+packin' up.... Law-zee, if this ain't seein' the country!..."</p>
+
+<p>Will met us at the station. The first glimpse of him through the iron
+grill relieved my suspense<a name="page_213" id="page_213"></a> concerning his health. He was not ill, and
+appeared to be whole and undamaged. He was solicitous about my
+condition. I <i>did</i> look a bit of a wreck. After the excitement of
+getting off had subsided and there was nothing to do but listen to the
+monotonous clickety-click of the speeding train, I had collapsed. The
+reaction was too great. It was not until we were in sight of our
+destination that I dragged myself to my feet and steeled myself to meet
+whatever emergency confronted me.... Naturally I asked no questions
+during the drive to the hotel. The general aspect of Cincinnati was
+typical of my state of mind: an unsunned sky and a smoke-filmed
+atmosphere.... It occurred to me how fallacious was Milton's conception
+of "evil news." ... "For evil news rides post while good news baits." It
+has always appeared to me the other way about. Good news flashes on to
+its destination gathering impetus as it goes, while harbinger of bad
+lags on behind, retarding the very hours by its sable weight.... The
+mental rack of suspense, of waiting, while the imagination conjures an
+endless chain of dire probabilities.... When, at last, Experience and
+Boy were settled in an adjoining room Will closed the<a name="page_214" id="page_214"></a> door and turned
+to me. It seemed an interminable time before he spoke. He seemed to be
+bracing himself for the effort.</p>
+
+<p>"First I want to thank you for coming without question.... I only hope
+you will not suffer a relapse...."</p>
+
+<p>I waved aside the preamble....</p>
+
+<p>"Well," I said....</p>
+
+<p class="ast">* * * *</p>
+
+<p>I think I was stunned. Nothing seemed quite real about the room. Even
+Will's voice sounded remote. I had experienced the same sensation coming
+out of the ether after my operation. The doctor's assuring "It's all
+right, little lady; just open your eyes" reached me from across spanless
+space. Then, as now, followed a great wave of nausea, whirling me into a
+relentless undertow, leaving me limp and racked with pain....
+Mechanically I re-read the clipping Will had thrust into my hand by way
+of preparing me for what followed. It was an excerpt from "The Club
+Window" and ran as follows: "A certain clique of rough-riders allied
+with a North Side country club are laying odds on a high-stepping filly
+of their set who for some time past has been riding for a fall. The
+inevitable cropper will involve a certain<a name="page_215" id="page_215"></a> actor who for the past month
+has been delighting Chicago audiences with his manly pulchritude as well
+as his histrionic ability. The lady in the case showed marked preference
+for the society of the actor during one of his former visits to the
+Windy City. From time to time there has reached the ears of the
+seat-warmers in the Club Window gossip of certain little junkets to New
+York during the past winter. It may have been purely coincidental that
+the actor was playing a season's engagement in the metropolis but&mdash;be
+that as it may&mdash;the advent of the company to our parts was watched with
+considerable gusto. Likewise it may have been purely chance that the
+husband of the third part was away on a hunting trip. 'The best laid
+plans of' and so forth; the unexpected happened when the actor's wife
+accompanied him on his visit to us. The affair was for the moment in
+abeyance. <i>But</i>&mdash;no sooner had the wife returned to New York than the
+fire broke out with renewed ardour probably fanned by the previous
+adverse winds of cruel fate. When the company left for another city the
+fair Chicagoan was missing from her accustomed haunts. Subsequent
+investigation affirmed the rumour that the lady was a guest at<a name="page_216" id="page_216"></a> a
+leading hotel in Cleveland. Incidentally her suite of rooms was on the
+same floor as that of the actor. Let us hope that some busy bee does not
+buzz about the head of the mighty hunter and bring him back gunning for
+the destroyer of his peace. Verily, verily, the actor hath power to
+charm."</p>
+
+<p>"You must realize, girlie, that I wouldn't have worried you with this
+nasty business if I hadn't been afraid of letting us both in for
+something worse.... What do you think of the damned cat who cooked up a
+thing like that? It was pure spite work. You see it was like this: When
+I met this female reporter two years ago she was all for me. You
+remember the nice things she wrote about me when I played Chicago the
+last time? Well, she came on to New York last winter and I took her to
+lunch and showed her other little attentions just to keep on the good
+side of her. About the same time the other dame blew in, and I felt it
+was up to me to discharge some of my social debts to her. Here's where
+the elderly spinster reporter got sore. She thought she had a corner on
+the market. It's hell to be such a fascinatin' devil!..."</p>
+
+<p>Will winked at me, albeit a little dubiously,<a name="page_217" id="page_217"></a> sensing a probable lack
+of appreciation on my part.</p>
+
+<p>"When I came back to Chicago this trip," he continued, "I received a
+note from my quondam friend and later she came back to my dressing-room
+to see me. She made some pertinent remarks about the other woman, hinted
+at some persons being ingrates after all she had done to boom them when
+they were 'also rans' and, now that they had got there, threw down their
+old friends. I lost my temper a bit and we parted bad friends. The
+result was she transferred her booming to &mdash;&mdash;" (Will named the character
+actor of his company) "and proceeded to lay it over me on every possible
+occasion.... These damned women are always worse when they get along in
+life...."</p>
+
+<p>"What did this 'club' woman expect of you?... What did she want?"</p>
+
+<p>Will looked at me blankly, then batted his eyes....</p>
+
+<p>"Why ... why, I suppose the old hen wanted me to make love to her: she
+made a play for me and I threw her down hard."</p>
+
+<p>He took the clipping from my fingers and replaced it in his wallet.<a name="page_218" id="page_218"></a></p>
+
+<p>"Did you know that the&mdash;<i>the</i> lady was coming to Cleveland?" I asked.</p>
+
+<p>"Why&mdash;not exactly; she said something about it while we were still in
+Chicago but I thought she was bluffing. As a matter of fact I thought
+she had more sense than to do a thing like that."</p>
+
+<p>"What led you to believe she had better sense?&mdash;anything in her past
+performances?"</p>
+
+<p>"No&mdash;but women are pretty foxy: they generally take care to cover their
+trails no matter how reckless they pretend to be. Not many of them want
+to lose their homes in spite of their protestations about giving up
+everything for 'thou'...."</p>
+
+<p>"Why did you not insist on her returning home at once? Couldn't you have
+gone to another hotel?"</p>
+
+<p>"What good would that have done? She would have followed. When she
+turned up in Cleveland I handed it to her straight, you may imagine. I
+didn't mince matters a little bit."</p>
+
+<p>"Was she afraid to go back home?"</p>
+
+<p>"I don't know; she said she'd left for good and that she'd never live
+with her husband<a name="page_219" id="page_219"></a> again. I told her she could do as she pleased about
+<i>that</i>, but I didn't propose to become involved. Then she threatened to
+commit suicide&mdash;throw herself in the lake. I told her to go ahead and
+then she had hysterics all over the place. I had a fine tea-party, I can
+tell you.... Somebody sent me a marked copy of the Club Window. I knew,
+then, it wouldn't be long before her husband would get wise to it and I
+didn't know what kind of a game he'd spring on me. I guess it's not the
+first time the lady has kicked over the matrimonial traces, according to
+reports. Maybe he's looking for just such an opening."</p>
+
+<p>The room was thick with tobacco-smoke. Will was burning up one cigar
+after another.</p>
+
+<p>"She made a fine spectacle of herself and of me by showing up at the
+railway station looking like a boiled owl. After our scene she capped
+the climax by getting a peach of a jag.... By George, I never will hear
+the last of it from the members of the company." He pulled down a window
+from the top and stopped at the desk, where he took a telegram from his
+portfolio&mdash;a Christmas present I had made him.<a name="page_220" id="page_220"></a></p>
+
+<p>"Yesterday morning I received this." I read the message:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"Call me long distance Friday noon sharp. Important.</p>
+
+<p class="r">(Signed) DOC."</p></div>
+
+<p>"It was decent of the Doc, wasn't it? Well, I got him on long distance
+and the first thing he asked me was whether the lady were with me.
+'Well, not exactly <i>with</i> me, but I can't shake her,' I shouted back.
+'You've got to,' the Doc went on, 'for your wife's sake you mustn't get
+landed with the goods.' The Doc is one of these 'from-Missouri'
+gentlemen and wouldn't believe I was innocent under oath. Just the same
+he's a good fellow. He told me he knew all about my predicament and that
+he'd taken time by the forelock and got hold of madame's sister, who was
+standing beside him while he talked. She had her grip with her, ready to
+start for Cincinnati at once. I told him to send her by the fastest
+express. The Doc said that madame's husband had returned to town
+unexpectedly&mdash;just as I had anticipated&mdash;and after a stay of twenty-four
+hours had again disappeared. No one at his office or at his home knew
+where he had gone. The sister said he had called her up and inquired
+where<a name="page_221" id="page_221"></a> his wife had gone and had rung off abruptly. Then the Doc quizzed
+the stenographer, who was an old chum of his, and she confided to him
+that the husband's secretary had bought a ticket to Cleveland.... 'He's
+on the trail,' the Doc warned, 'and there's only one thing for you to do
+... send for your wife if she's able to travel.... Make her get to
+Cincinnati before he does. Your wife is a level-headed little woman and
+if you put it to her straight she'll play up.... Together you can cook
+up something to placate the irate husband....' Can't you just hear the
+old Doc roar? Well, I thought his advice good and I wired you at once."</p>
+
+<p>... "Has the sister arrived?" ... I found it difficult to make myself
+heard. My voice was dry and grated harshly....</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, she's here; they're on the floor below." Will poured a glass of
+water and handed it me. Then he sat on the edge of the bed and waited.
+It was his turn to be silent. He seemed to have talked himself out....</p>
+
+<p>"Which of them is it?... Do I know her?"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes; we had dinner at her house one Sunday night."<a name="page_222" id="page_222"></a></p>
+
+<p>"Blonde?"</p>
+
+<p>"Um&mdash;yes...."</p>
+
+<p>"Art's triumph over Nature, I suppose." ... I could not resist the
+thrust ... suddenly I sat bolt upright.</p>
+
+<p>"Will ... <i>Will</i>.... Not&mdash;Mrs F.&mdash;not the woman with the two little
+girls ... not the mother of those children...."</p>
+
+<p>He nodded and raised his shoulders with a gesture which was half
+deploring, half deprecating.</p>
+
+<p>"O!!!...." I covered my face with my hands ... the picture was <i>too</i>
+revolting.... "Children don't cut much ice," the doctor had said. I
+stopped up my ears to shut out his voice....</p>
+
+<p>"How did it begin?" I said at last.</p>
+
+<p>"O ... the usual way ... supper&mdash;or dinner, I've forgotten which&mdash;a
+little flirtation, lots of booze, motor-rides, rendez-vous while you
+listen to the neglected wife song and dance, more dinners and suppers
+and motor-rides ... and the first thing you know the fool woman is in
+love with you, or thinks she is, which is worse.... I hope you don't
+blame <i>me</i>. I can't help it if women make fools of themselves <a name="page_223" id="page_223"></a>over me."
+... Something in Will's tone&mdash;a <i>sang froid</i>&mdash;almost a
+<i>braggadocio</i>&mdash;sent the blood to my face with a rush of anger. I leaned
+forward in my chair and looked him in the eyes.</p>
+
+<p>"Will ... do you mean to tell me that you never encouraged this woman?"</p>
+
+<p>"How do you mean&mdash;encouraged?"</p>
+
+<p>"In God's name don't juggle with your words&mdash;don't equivocate! You know
+what I mean as well as I do!&mdash;to encourage in a hundred intangible ways;
+to show that you are flattered by a woman's attention; to let her
+believe that <i>you</i> believe you are the only one upon whom she has
+bestowed her favours; to let her tell you that you are the first man for
+whom she has betrayed her husband, though she has been neglected and
+unhappy for years and years; to cram down your throat the intimate
+confidences of her married life and to tell you she has never sought
+consolation elsewhere; to let her do all these without giving her the
+lie when you know in your heart she was lying. That's what I mean!... O,
+believe me I am beginning to understand the intricacies of the game ...
+and if you have gone the limit ... I don't ask you to confess it ...
+fidelity does not hinge upon the sexual act, alone&mdash;though<a name="page_224" id="page_224"></a> you men
+place that above every other virtue in a woman&mdash;but I do ask you for the
+sake of your manhood, for your own self-respect, don't, <i>don't</i> play the
+part of a cad!"</p>
+
+<p>Will winced as if I had struck him in the face. His face had grown quite
+pale and his lips were compressed. When he spoke his voice cut the air
+like a fine blade of steel.</p>
+
+<p>"So that's what you think, is it?... I've obviously made a mistake in
+sending for you ... but I did so more for your sake than for my own ...
+to prepare you and save you from a shock if there was a blow-out.... I
+never knew before what a poor opinion you had of me."</p>
+
+<p>"Don't distort my words, Will, if you please...."</p>
+
+<p>He paced back and forth, beating the back of one hand against the palm
+of the other.</p>
+
+<p>"I know you're sick and weak.... I'm trying to make every allowance for
+your state of nerves. Up to date you've played up like a brick. I've
+often watched you and secretly admired the way you handled things,
+but&mdash;if you're going to spoil it all by developing into a jealous woman
+at this stage of the game...." I turned on him quickly.<a name="page_225" id="page_225"></a></p>
+
+<p>"I'm sure you can't say that I've ever annoyed you in that line."</p>
+
+<p>"No, I'll admit, you've been a level-headed woman ... but remember I've
+played square with you and I think you'll admit <i>that</i>. I've never had a
+serious affair with any woman&mdash;and the Lord knows I have it thrown at me
+from all sides. The woods are full of Potiphar's wives.... If you had
+some men to deal with ... how many of 'em can stand up against that sort
+of thing without losing their heads?... why, I've had people tell me we
+were a model couple ... and, here, the first time I get into anything
+like a serious predicament&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Then you admit other predicaments?"</p>
+
+<p>"Why, of course, there's been ... O, hell&mdash;what's the use of trying to
+argue with a woman! You're like all the rest!&mdash;when it comes to a
+show-down they're not deuces high!" ... He crossed to the telephone and
+called a waiter.</p>
+
+<p>"I've got to order an early dinner; I'll have a fine dose of indigestion
+as it is&mdash;after all this infernal row.... Of course, if it came to a
+show-down and he named me as co-respondent it wouldn't do <i>me</i> any
+damage but it would<a name="page_226" id="page_226"></a> upset the pater and the rest of the family all
+along the line. You know how they feel about the stage...."</p>
+
+<p>"What about me?" was on the tip of my tongue but I did not voice it or
+the thoughts which followed. How should I feel to see a home broken up
+and to know that my husband shared in the wrecking?&mdash;whether directly or
+indirectly&mdash;the results were the same. And the woman&mdash;and the two little
+girls ... what of them?... A knock at the door caused my very heart to
+contract. Had the husband arrived to demand Heaven only knew what?...
+The waiter entered with a menu. I had completely forgotten that Will had
+summoned him. When the waiter had taken the order and gone, Will crossed
+and laid his hand on my arm.</p>
+
+<p>"Come now, girlie&mdash;we musn't let this fool thing come between you and
+me. It isn't worth it! You know I love you ... you're the only woman
+I've ever loved ... ever <i>will</i> love...."</p>
+
+<p>O, wise husband! He knew I could no more resist his tenderness than a
+flower resists the warm sun.... He let me revel in my first fierce burst
+of tears and comforted me mutely;<a name="page_227" id="page_227"></a> then, still holding me in his arms,
+he went on talking:</p>
+
+<p>"Sometimes I hate this damned business and feel that I'd like to chuck
+it altogether ... but what's a man to do after he's given the best years
+of his life to one thing? It takes a long time to get established in any
+profession, nowadays ... and I'm getting older every day.... I'm sorry I
+was ugly ... <i>my</i> nerves are a bit frazzled, too ... but I'll be all
+right, now that you and I understand each other ... come, now ... let's
+forget it.... Come in the bath-room and bathe your eyes. I've ordered a
+nice little dinner and a bottle of fizz; it'll buck you up. Then, before
+I go to the performance, we'll outline some plan of action...."</p>
+
+<p>"What do you want me to do?" I asked, as I came out of the bath-room a
+little later.<a name="page_228" id="page_228"></a></p>
+
+<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XIII" id="CHAPTER_XIII"></a>CHAPTER XIII</h3>
+
+<p class="nind">W<small>HEN</small> I entered the room I had no intention of engaging in a slanging
+match. I had telephoned my coming and her sister was awaiting me. I felt
+almost sorry for the girl standing beside the bed, her eyes meeting mine
+uncertainly, her lips forcing a greeting.</p>
+
+<p>"Won't you sit down? Fannie, here is Mrs. Hartley...."</p>
+
+<p>The woman in the bed turned and raised herself on her elbow. Her face
+was swollen, the lips blue and loose, and her eyes had the look of
+watery gelatine. Without meeting my eyes, she moaned theatrically and
+buried her face in the pillows.</p>
+
+<p>"What&mdash;<i>what</i> must you think of me?" she whined.</p>
+
+<p>"I think you're a fool!" slipped out before I could prevent it.</p>
+
+<p>"All women are fools&mdash;we're all fools over some man," she exclaimed,
+pounding the pillows with her fist and working herself up to a Zazaesque
+brand of hysteria.<a name="page_229" id="page_229"></a></p>
+
+<p>"Mrs. F., I did not come here to listen to a dissertation on the
+sex-question nor to hold your hand while you have a fit of nerves.
+You've got to pull yourself together or I'll wash my hands of the whole
+affair. I've come all the way from New York to help you out of a nasty,
+a <i>dirty</i> scrape. If you wish to hear what I have to say you'll stop
+that silliness and act like a full-grown woman with a modicum of
+discretion.... Your husband is apt to walk in at any moment and it may
+be well for all concerned that we arrive at some plan of defence."</p>
+
+<p>Her sister, who had retired to a corner of the room behind me when I sat
+down, now crossed to the bedside.</p>
+
+<p>"Mrs. Hartley is right, Fannie&mdash;Frank is liable to show up at any
+minute."</p>
+
+<p>Fannie fished for her handkerchief under the pillows and sniffed
+tearfully while her sister arranged the pillows.</p>
+
+<p>"Please pardon me, Mrs. Hartley; my nerves are all gone."</p>
+
+<p>"I have a few nerves, myself," I thought. I found myself grasping the
+arms of my chair as one sometimes does at the dentist's and my teeth
+fairly ached from the clinching of my<a name="page_230" id="page_230"></a> jaws. When Mrs. F. had folded and
+dropped her hands into her lap with the air of a long-suffering woman, I
+proceeded.</p>
+
+<p>"Mr. Hartley and I have decided that you are my guest: that it was at my
+invitation you went to Cleveland with us and that I urged you to
+continue on the trip until your husband returned from his hunting trip.
+On your arrival here, you contracted a heavy cold which developed into
+the grippe; grippe will answer as well as anything else and is not
+sufficiently serious to call in a physician. Are you familiar with the
+symptoms of the grippe?" Mrs. F. nodded.</p>
+
+<p>"Very well. When you began to grow worse you telegraphed your sister."</p>
+
+<p>"But," interjected the sister, "that won't do; that won't hold together
+because Frank called me up on the telephone a few moments after he
+returned to Chicago and I told him I didn't know where Fannie was...." I
+stopped to think....</p>
+
+<p>"Then we'll have to make the telegram reach you immediately <i>after</i> he
+telephoned and, as he disappeared so abruptly without telling even his
+office force where he was going, you have an explanation for not being
+able to reach<a name="page_231" id="page_231"></a> him.... Now, about the Cleveland week: you didn't know
+that your sister had gone away because you yourself were out of town. I
+believe that really was the case, was it not?"</p>
+
+<p>"Quite true," replied the sister. "I was spending a few days at
+Wheaton."</p>
+
+<p>"Then so far, it is clear, is it not?... Mr. Hartley will take care of
+the article which appeared in the Club Window ... and if your husband
+arrives, I'll try to take care of him.... Now, ... let us think: are
+there any points we have overlooked?" There was a silence while each of
+us reviewed the situation. It was Mrs. F. who spoke first.</p>
+
+<p>"Suppose&mdash;suppose Frank has set detectives on my track and they find out
+that you've not been to Cleveland! O, I'm sure he'll do it! It's just
+like Frank! You don't know what a brute he can be. O, it's all very well
+to say that I am to blame&mdash;that I am in the wrong, but if you had lived
+with Frank for eight years as I have you'd understand some things&mdash;and
+not treat me as if I was a &mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Stop that!" I felt my eyes snap with the blaze she had kindled. She
+snivelled and sobbed a bit, then relaxed into sullen silence.</p>
+
+<p>"If your husband <i>has</i> employed detectives<a name="page_232" id="page_232"></a> we'll have to meet the
+contingency by standing together. In other words we'll perjure ourselves
+like&mdash;perfect ladies. Mr. Hartley says&mdash;and being a man he ought to
+know&mdash;that no man would have the courage to tell me I was not telling
+the truth, even if he thought so."</p>
+
+<p>"We'll never get away with it&mdash;we'll never get away with it," wailed
+Mrs. F.</p>
+
+<p>It was the sister who spoke next.</p>
+
+<p>"And suppose Frank does not show up&mdash;suppose he doesn't come at all but
+waits for the detectives' report and&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"And begins action for divorce without even saying a word about it!" It
+was Madame who interjected this possibility. "Wouldn't that be just like
+him! Wouldn't that be Frank just down to the ground? Edith knows how
+cold-blooded he is, don't you, Edith? O, it's too awful! I never could
+live through such a thing! I wouldn't live! I'd kill myself&mdash;I'd throw
+myself into the lake! I'd&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Don't you think you are wearing that threat a little threadbare?" I
+asked quietly, henceforth addressing myself to the sister.</p>
+
+<p>"In the event that your brother-in-law does<a name="page_233" id="page_233"></a> not come or that we hear
+nothing from him, there is only one thing left: you must take your
+sister back to Chicago ... and I'll go with you...."</p>
+
+<p>I believe my voice petered out before I completed the sentence. The idea
+was repugnant, but was it not all revolting in the extreme? I had given
+my promise to Will to "see it through" and I intended to do so to the
+best of my ability. Mrs. F.'s sister broke my train of thought. She
+stood before me with averted eyes struggling to keep back the tears, and
+twisting her hands nervously.</p>
+
+<p>"Mrs. Hartley ... I don't want to appear maudlin ... but I think ... you
+understand how I feel.... It seems almost inane to say ... how much we
+... appreciate what you are doing.... For my sister's sake I thank you
+... I...."</p>
+
+<p>"I'm not doing it for your sister's sake"&mdash;I tried to speak gently but
+everything in me seemed to have grown hard and unyielding&mdash;"nor for my
+husband's sake; neither for my own; I've got a boy&mdash;a son ... and there
+are two little girls...."</p>
+
+<p>A volley of sobs smote our ears and shook the bed.<a name="page_234" id="page_234"></a></p>
+
+<p>"My poor babies! The poor darlings!... I wish they had never been born!"
+...</p>
+
+<p>"It's too bad you didn't think of them before, Fannie," her sister
+answered caustically. It was the first expression of censure she had
+voiced. Mrs. F. bounced to a sitting position: yes, <i>bounced</i> is the
+only adequate description. Grief had made a quick shift to anger. She
+glared at her sister.</p>
+
+<p>"So you've turned against me, too, have you? I might have expected it:
+that's the gratitude you feel for all I've done for you. Where would you
+be if it were not for me?&mdash;you'd be pounding somebody's typewriter for
+five dollars a week! This is the thanks I get for sacrificing myself for
+the whole family! Every one of them will blame me for the whole
+business. What right have you to judge? How does anybody know what I've
+suffered for years living with that man?... literally starving for
+affection, ... he never took the trouble to understand my temperament
+... he neglected me, he&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Hah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-" ... It was my turn to indulge in hysteria, only
+mine was of the laughing variety: I laughed until the tears came&mdash;until
+I sank back from sheer exhaustion.<a name="page_235" id="page_235"></a> From their expression Madame and her
+sister thought I had gone suddenly mad.</p>
+
+<p>"What are you laughing at?" she snapped, glaring at me with suppressed
+rage.</p>
+
+<p>"My dear," I responded feebly, "my dear, don't you realize what an awful
+old chestnut that neglected wife story is? Mr. Hartley says they all use
+it ... it is the cardinal excuse, the subterfuge all married women
+resort to, to justify their own infidelities."</p>
+
+<p>"Did&mdash;did Mr. Hartley intimate&mdash;&mdash;?"</p>
+
+<p>"O, no! Mr. Hartley betrayed none of your confidences ... but, tell me
+honestly ..."&mdash;I leaned forward and clasped my knees to better
+accentuate my words&mdash;"do you really expect a man of the world to believe
+that&mdash;or care whether you are neglected or not? You know that men gossip
+and bandy women's names about their clubs&mdash;not in so many damning words,
+but with a knowing wink, a shrug of the shoulder, this head-shake, or,
+'by pronouncing some doubtful phrase ... or such ambiguous giving out'
+... my dear ... I have a rare collection of mash-notes which my
+actor-husband has from time to time tossed laughingly into my lap. Their
+character varies like the colour of the paper on which they are<a name="page_236" id="page_236"></a>
+written. There is the white, the pale blue, and several shades of
+lavender.... The actor's world is full of lavender ladies of the Bovary
+type: the wonder of it is that so many of them 'get away with it' as you
+have so elegantly expressed it. Suppose <i>you</i> don't get away with it ...
+suppose your husband divorces you ... what will become of you? How will
+you live? You're not equipped to make your own living. You couldn't even
+typewrite&mdash;like your sister. Suppose I were to divorce my husband,
+naming you as co-respondent: do you flatter yourself he would marry you?
+And let us assume that he did: How long do you think it would last? He
+is a poor man. His profession is a purely speculative one. His income is
+assured for only two weeks at a time, except in rare instances. He
+couldn't give you the jewels, the furs, the motors and the luxuries you
+now enjoy. How long do you believe your mad passion would endure,
+stripped of little appurtenances like wine suppers and suites of rooms
+in the best hotels?... Perhaps you'd become an actress like so many
+women who look on the stage as an open sesame to a life of
+immorality.... Like so many women with a <a name="page_237" id="page_237"></a>screw loose in their moral
+machinery ... no, don't you say a word! This is my scene&mdash;and I am going
+to hold the centre of the stage for once in my career!... I know your
+kind, mi-lady.... You belong to that great class of over-fed and
+under-bred women who make life so hard for the rest of their sex. You're
+one of the wasters; you waste what does not rightfully belong to you;
+what you usurp in your greediness, in your pandering to your vanities,
+in your compromise with your better instincts, in your connivance with
+the very devil who finds some mischief still for idle hands to do! You
+stimulate your passions with alcohol and mistake the fumes for love! You
+haven't the courage to come out and be a genuine prostitute, but you ply
+the trade in the rôle of an adulteress. For God's sake, wake up! Look
+yourself in the eyes before it is too late! If you have no self-respect,
+no respect for your sex, try at least to respect the rights of those
+little souls you've brought into the world without their asking. O, yes,
+cry!... Crocodile tears and alcoholic drool!... It's a mistake to
+believe that all women have the maternal instinct ... so have female
+cats and dogs&mdash;and rabbits." ...</p>
+
+<p>I had risen as my fury sought to master me.<a name="page_238" id="page_238"></a> I stood beside the bed
+looking down at her ... making an ineffectual last-ditch fight for my
+self-control. Something about the woman ... the very quality of her
+night-dress&mdash;the heavily jewelled fingers&mdash;maddened me. The poison
+coursed through my veins like quick-silver ... once before in my life I
+had felt it ... before my boy was born ... <i>then</i> I had succumbed to a
+desire to wreak physical vengeance ... the same madness seized me now
+... I saw her shrink from me....</p>
+
+<p>"O, you&mdash;<i>you</i> &mdash;&mdash;!"</p>
+
+<p>... I didn't say it; I caught myself in time. The blood stained my face
+with shame&mdash;shame with the very coarseness of the thought; shame with
+the whole revolting situation. Was I, too, become impregnated with the
+corroding influence of my environment? I turned and walked toward the
+door. As I reached for the knob, it opened and some one entered
+abruptly. I jumped aside to avoid being struck.</p>
+
+<p>I knew who he was though I had never seen him before. The next moment I
+had reached for his hand and grasped it impulsively, at the same time
+laying a warning finger on my lips and indicating the bed.</p>
+
+<p>"O, Mr. F., you don't know how glad I am<a name="page_239" id="page_239"></a> to see you. We've been worried
+to death ... she's asleep now, after the most racking night ... do you
+mind not waking her for the present?... of course if you'd rather ..." I
+waited while he looked at the figure of his wife, lying helpless with
+her face to the wall, while his eyes roved to question those of the
+sister, then back to mine with the single word:</p>
+
+<p>"Sick?... How long has she been sick?"</p>
+
+<p>"Ever since we arrived here; it's the grippe, I think, though we
+couldn't induce her to see a doctor. She's been so upset at not hearing
+from you.... Do you mind stepping into the hall where we can talk more
+freely without danger of disturbing her?... Edith will call us if she
+awakens, won't you, Edith?" ...</p>
+
+<p class="ast">* * * *</p>
+
+<p>Edith did not call. The hall was draughty; I managed a sneeze. Mr. F.
+suggested that we go down to the grill and have a drink. In the elevator
+I saw him glance furtively at me.... I was humming softly to myself. I
+watched his eyes in the mirror; they had a confused look not unmixed
+with suspicion. Not until after the second cocktail did he thaw a bit.
+He asked me whether I had dined. I told him I had not. After he had
+ordered, he<a name="page_240" id="page_240"></a> leaned back in his chair and gave me a penetrating look. I
+met his eyes and smiled a little.</p>
+
+<p>"You look tired," I said.</p>
+
+<p>"I am&mdash;rather. These sleeper jumps take it out of a fellow."</p>
+
+<p>"They surely do ... and I presume you've been worried to death about
+Fannie." The name slipped glibly from my lips. He shot me a quick glance
+which told me the familiar use of his wife's name had been effective. He
+shifted uneasily in his seat as he answered.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, yes&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"We have been fairly living on the long distance telephone trying to
+reach you. What on earth was the trouble? Edith received Fannie's
+telegram a minute after you called her up and when she tried to reach
+you&mdash;well, she couldn't, that's all...."</p>
+
+<p>"There was something the matter with the connection ... it's been off
+for several days ..." he replied.</p>
+
+<p>"Of course we could have telegraphed but we didn't want to alarm you," I
+went on, meeting his own brave lie with another. "As a matter of fact I
+think we all were more scared than hurt. Fannie had had a cold while we
+were<a name="page_241" id="page_241"></a> still in Chicago&mdash;that's a trying climate in the winter. Then when
+we reached Cleveland, there wasn't much of an improvement in the matter
+of weather and I felt a bit guilty in having urged her to go with us." I
+toyed with, the celery and wiped off imaginary soot.</p>
+
+<p>"Were you in Cleveland?"</p>
+
+<p>I looked up at him in mild surprise.</p>
+
+<p>"Why, of course. It was at my invitation that Fannie accompanied us. She
+was bored to death in Chicago ... it must be deadly monotonous&mdash;this
+same routine day after day ... the same faces and nothing new to talk
+about.... You know&mdash;you know if you were my husband I shouldn't let you
+run away on hunting trips and leave me behind.... I don't think you men
+realize how stupid it becomes with no change of menu&mdash;as it were...."</p>
+
+<p>I reproved him with a smile. For the first time his eyes sent back a
+glint of warmth.</p>
+
+<p>"How long have you known Fannie? It's odd that I've never&mdash;had the
+pleasure of meeting you before." (The pleasure was an after-thought.)</p>
+
+<p><a name="page_242" id="page_242"></a>"O ... I've known Fannie for ... let me see ... nearly three years...."
+(I made a mental note of this for "Fannie's" benefit.) "We met when Will
+played Chicago two seasons since. We took quite a fancy to each other,
+and last winter when she came to New York we went about together and
+became quite good friends.... I presume you were away on one of your
+hunting trips last winter ... naughty sir ... that's the reason I didn't
+meet you.... This trip I brought Boy to Chicago.... You haven't seen my
+young son, have you? You must make his acquaintance to-morrow. We're
+most awfully vain about him ... think he's the only boy in the world. I
+suppose you feel that way about your little girls ... they <i>are</i>
+beauties. They've got your eyes, though they have inherited Fannie's
+regular features...."</p>
+
+<p>Would my tongue never stop wagging? What manner of woman had I suddenly
+become? I did not recognize myself. Was it a case of self-hypnosis and
+was I really feeling the interest and friendliness I pretended? He was
+not precisely an Adonis; there was something rough, almost uncouth,
+about him in spite of the veneer his money had brought. But there was a
+kindliness, a wholesouledness that made itself felt. Under any other
+conditions I<a name="page_243" id="page_243"></a> should have liked him.... I saw him look at his watch.</p>
+
+<p>"What time is it?... The performance will soon be over and Mr. Hartley
+will wonder where I am.... Wouldn't he be surprised to walk in here and
+see me dining with a strange man?... I hope you're not afraid of getting
+yourself talked about...."</p>
+
+<p>"No, I guess not," he laughed back. I was silent for a time, while I
+wrestled with the breast of a squab. I felt his eyes upon me. When I
+looked at him I saw that he was revolving something in his mind, and I
+sensed the subject. I gave him time to think it over. After a while I
+leaned back in my chair.</p>
+
+<p>"I'm sorry to confess it, but I'm beginning to feel a bit tired," I
+sighed. "Even your genial presence will not keep my eyes open much
+longer.... Edith I'm sure is feeling the strain, too. Well, we'll all
+sleep better to-night&mdash;after our worry. 'All's well that ends well'&mdash;and
+that reminds me&mdash;my husband and I were admiring a set of Shakespeare you
+have in your library."</p>
+
+<p>"Um&mdash;yes; I remember it. I bought it for the binding. Don't believe I
+ever saw the inside<a name="page_244" id="page_244"></a> of it...." He freshened my glass of wine.</p>
+
+<p>"You're not much of a drinker, are you?"</p>
+
+<p>"Haven't got brains enough to stand it," I answered flippantly.</p>
+
+<p>He laughed; it had a true ring to it.</p>
+
+<p>The game was in my hands.</p>
+
+<p>"I guess you mean you've got brains enough to <i>with</i>stand it."</p>
+
+<p>Would the dinner never come to an end? I thought. My body seemed to grow
+old with the minutes. At last the waiter cleared the table. When he had
+gone for a liqueur, Mr. F. took some letters from his pocket. From the
+packet he selected a piece of printed matter. He laid it face down upon
+the table while he replaced the letters. Then he looked at me, drumming
+with his fingers over the spot where the clipping lay. The waiter
+returned. Mr. F. drained the cognac glass and called for another. While
+it was being brought he folded his arms upon the table and leaned toward
+me.</p>
+
+<p>"I wonder whether I'd better show you something...."</p>
+
+<p>I assumed the same attitude; it was conducive to confidence.<a name="page_245" id="page_245"></a></p>
+
+<p>"Show me what?"</p>
+
+<p>His drumming became louder.</p>
+
+<p>"No, I guess I won't!" ...</p>
+
+<p>"Now, I call that unkind&mdash;to pique my curiosity and leave me suspended
+in mid-air."</p>
+
+<p>He folded the clipping and rattled it between his fingers.</p>
+
+<p>"Is that what you were going to show me? Wait a moment." ... I leaned
+toward him to better examine the paper, then relaxed against the back of
+the chair and smiled.</p>
+
+<p>"I think I know what it is.... Will you lay me a wager? What will you
+wager that I can guess what that paper is the very first time?"</p>
+
+<p>He sprawled and tilted back his chair good-naturedly.</p>
+
+<p>"O, I'll bet you a box of candy or a bunch of violets."</p>
+
+<p>"A five-pound box of candy&mdash;I don't like violets. Agreed?"</p>
+
+<p>He nodded.</p>
+
+<p>"It's a clipping from the Club Window...."</p>
+
+<p>"Then you've seen it?"</p>
+
+<p>"Of course I've seen it, silly man&mdash;hasn't everybody seen it? And wasn't
+my Willy furiously angry? He wanted to take the first train<a name="page_246" id="page_246"></a> back to
+Chicago and clear out the whole establishment. It was all Fannie and I
+could do to calm him.... He said he was going to see you about it
+because he thought you and he should get together and take some kind of
+action against the slanderous sheet. I tell him he's foolish to pay any
+attention to it; just let it die of inanition. Don't you think so?"</p>
+
+<p>"Well, I was a little upset myself when I read it. I didn't know what
+the devil to think...."</p>
+
+<p>"Well, I know you've got too much sense to believe anything wrong about
+your wife.... I can appreciate how you and Will feel about it and that
+you'd like to make them retract&mdash;but&mdash;isn't it best to ignore it?&mdash;so
+long as <i>we</i> know it's a malicious lie.... It's a shocking thing the way
+the press in this country construes license for freedom.... The libel
+laws are wholly inadequate. They manage that sort of thing much better
+in England.... There are so many evil-minded people in the world&mdash;don't
+you find it so?"</p>
+
+<p>"Well, I confess, there's always somebody hanging around anxious to
+disseminate gossip, though I've never observed any of them helping along
+the nice things you hear."<a name="page_247" id="page_247"></a></p>
+
+<p>"Now that we are on the subject, I'll tell you how this happened; the
+woman who concocted that libellous attack is an ugly perverted
+creature&mdash;she must be perverted or she would not be earning her
+livelihood in such a questionable way, don't you think so? Several years
+ago when she met my husband she volunteered to write some nice little
+personalia about him. He wasn't as well known then as now and every
+little bit helps, you know.... Well, Will kept up a desultory
+acquaintance with the woman and saw her from time to time. She was in
+New York when Fannie was there last winter, by the way. I don't know
+just how it came about, but the spinster scribbler developed a jealous
+streak and upbraided Will for being ungrateful for all she had done for
+him. I'm sure she could not have done a great deal for anyone in a
+wretched paper like the Club Window. To tell you the truth she was
+infatuated with Will. To use his own words&mdash;she made a play for him and
+he threw her down hard! Mr. Hartley is not given to that sort of
+thing&mdash;and if he were&mdash;you may be sure I should have something to say
+about it." I nodded sententiously.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, I guess you'd make it pretty warm<a name="page_248" id="page_248"></a> for any poacher on your
+preserves!" We both laughed. I believe I even jerked my head pertly to
+mark my cocksureness. And, as I turned away, my eyes settled upon Will.
+He was standing in the doorway, evidently having just entered, since he
+still wore his overcoat and carried his hat in his hand. I half-rose. My
+host followed my move.</p>
+
+<p>"It's Will&mdash;it's Mr. Hartley ... come in, Will...." I beckoned to him
+and stole a glance at Mr. F. No, there was no hesitation on his part. He
+rose and crossed to meet Will with outstretched hand. My hand shook so
+that I could hardly raise the wine glass to my lips. I drained the last
+drop and sank into my chair. The game was won....</p>
+
+<p class="ast">* * * *</p>
+
+<p>It was nearly an hour later when I rose to leave the table. Will had
+eaten the supper which Mr. F. had insisted upon ordering and they were
+still calling for wine. I had steered the conversation clear of the
+perilous rocks and felt that I could now safely leave the two men
+together. They rose with me.</p>
+
+<p>"I'm sorry to leave such delightful company&mdash;I believe I said something
+like that an hour ago, did I not, Mr. F.?... I want to drop<a name="page_249" id="page_249"></a> in on Edith
+and make my peace with her. I fear she'll feel neglected. If you require
+my services during the night please don't hesitate to ring me up, though
+I feel sure Fannie will be ever so much better now that you've arrived.
+I presume you two gentlemen want to talk things over&mdash;that wretched
+slander, I mean&mdash;only&mdash;" and at this point I assumed a mock-serious
+attitude&mdash;"don't do anything until you hear from me, will you?... Now,
+please don't move.... I'll find my way.... Good-night, sir ... and don't
+forget that you owe me five pounds of the best candy in Cincinnati."</p>
+
+<p>When I reached Mrs. F.'s room, her sister had already opened the door.
+She had heard the elevator stop and was waiting. The girl's face was
+drawn and the circles under the eyes had deepened. Mrs. F., too, showed
+the strain of waiting.</p>
+
+<p>"Mr. F. and my husband are downstairs; they were exchanging funny
+stories when I left ... there will be no pistols&mdash;nor a divorce on this
+count ... now, if you have another spell of hysterics I think I shall
+kill you.... Edith ... we had better begin calling each other 'dearie'
+and that sort of thing to accustom ourselves, for we've known each other
+<a name="page_250" id="page_250"></a>three years ... please repeat it after me so that you won't forget
+it.... Edith, should you mind pouring me a dose of Fannie's valerian?...
+I think I took a wee drop too much ... my teeth are fairly chattering
+... now let me think.... I'll begin at the moment we left the room
+together ... please don't interrupt unless there is something you do not
+grasp ... he may come at any moment...."</p>
+
+<p class="ast">* * * *</p>
+
+<p>I went to the telephone directly I entered my room and called for the
+room clerk. I told him I wanted another room on the same floor. While I
+waited for the bell-boy to bring the key I wrote a note and pinned it on
+the mirror where it would attract Will's attention. "I have gone to
+another room. Don't disturb me, please. We'll talk it over to-morrow."</p>
+
+<p>When I had turned the key in the lock and had surveyed my own domain I
+felt strangely light in the head. I opened a window and mechanically
+arranged my toilet articles. Then I disrobed, unpinned my hair and
+cleansed my face with cold cream. At least, I <i>assume</i> that I did all
+these, for the next day, when I awoke to consciousness, everything was
+in place, my hair was braided in two pig-tails, and my face<a name="page_251" id="page_251"></a> still
+showed traces of cold cream. From the moment I had locked myself in I
+had no recollection of what followed. The doctor called it "syncope."<a name="page_252" id="page_252"></a></p>
+
+<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XIV" id="CHAPTER_XIV"></a>CHAPTER XIV</h3>
+
+<div class="blockquot">
+<p class="r">"St. Louis, Mo., March 10th.</p>
+
+<p class="nind">"Darling Girl:</p>
+
+<p>"I am taking for granted that you arrived safely. There has been no
+word from you since you returned home a week since. I hope you
+found the apartment in good shape and that things did not suffer
+too much wear and tear at the hands of our late tenants.</p>
+
+<p>"Just as I predicted, the folks were much disappointed at not
+seeing you here. There was a regular family reunion. Grandma Murray
+came on from Indianapolis and two of my paternal aunts all the way
+from Kansas. As none of the relatives has ever seen Boy you may
+imagine how disappointed they were. However, it couldn't be helped.
+Naturally I did not tell them that you had been to Cincinnati. I
+let them infer that you were not sufficiently recovered from the
+effects of your recent operation to permit your making the trip. I
+fully appreciate the state of your nerves and that a relapse was
+inevitable; just the same I think you should write me and keep me
+informed of your condition. Take it quietly for a few weeks and
+you'll come out all right. Don't let that Cincinnati affair prey on
+your mind: a little later when your health is better, you won't
+take it so seriously.<a name="page_253" id="page_253"></a> Now don't jump at the conclusion that I
+don't appreciate the way you played up, or the narrow escape I have
+had. You may feel sure that sort of thing will never happen again.
+And that reminds me: I had a letter from Mr. F. saying he had
+consulted his lawyer about taking action against the Club Window
+and had been advised to let the matter drop. (<i>Requiescat in
+pace!</i>) He wished to be remembered to you.</p>
+
+<p>"The weather is depressing. I'm not feeling up to my standard. I
+suspect I have been eating too much and exercising too little.
+Well, Girlie, the train leaves in an hour and I have still some
+odds and ends to look after. I enclose our route to follow Kansas
+City. Now write me at once or I shall begin to worry about you. A
+bunch of kisses to Boy from his Dad, reserving all you want for
+yourself, of course.</p>
+
+<p>"With all my love,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 5%">"Your devoted husband,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 10%;">"W<small>ill.</small>"</span></p></div>
+
+<p>This letter was a week old. I had made several attempts to answer it but
+all had ended in the waste-basket. Following my home-coming, I had been
+glad to lie quietly in bed in obedience to the doctor's orders. A heavy
+inertia lay upon me. My nights were an amorphous jumble of improbable
+situations; I awoke of mornings with a nausea at heart. My mind was
+furred with unpleasant memories. It revolved<a name="page_254" id="page_254"></a> in circles. The more I
+thought the faster it whirled, resulting in complete confusion. Inner
+adjustment seemed impossible. I realized in a hazy way that I must
+arouse myself or fall a prey to melancholia. Even Boy's laughter as it
+was wafted to me from another room unleashed a thousand apprehensions.
+The effulgence his being had shed into my life was now dimmed by fears
+for his future. Should I be able to steer his craft, even launch it
+safely, <i>preparedly</i> on the turbulent sea of life? It was, probably, in
+the very nature of things that I should exclude my husband from any
+participation in my plans for the child. A fierce, almost a defiant,
+sense of proprietary right began to assert itself in relation to our
+son. The inertia gave way to a state of turbulence, which burned like a
+consuming fever. To Will's numerous letters and enquiries I at last
+responded by telegraph, "All well," I said.</p>
+
+<p>One day there came a bulky envelope addressed in Will's handwriting. It
+enclosed a letter from John Gailbraith, the sculptor, who was still in
+Paris. Across the top Will had written: "This will interest you." Under
+separate cover came a package of photographs,<a name="page_255" id="page_255"></a> reproductions of the
+colossal work he had recently completed for the Spring Exhibition at the
+Salon.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>"I have great hopes for this," he wrote. "(Hope is always
+promise-crammed, isn't it?) You will see that I have called it
+'Super-Creation.' It was conceived like a lightning flash but the
+working out, the compelling cold, hard stone to express clearly
+what I intended to convey is the result of a dogged grind of nearly
+three years' incessant toil. Have I succeeded, do you think? Of
+course you have not seen the original, but the photographs are
+excellent work, having been taken at various angles and positions
+and under my supervision. You will observe that the work is&mdash;well,
+nothing short of monumental will express it. And, unless a
+government or an institution is moved to buy it, I shall probably
+have to build a house around it! However, I'm not discouraged
+though I've gone in debt for years to come and mortgaged almost my
+soul in order to get the wherewithal to complete the work. I
+suppose this is what you call 'the artistic temperament.' But I
+simply had to do it&mdash;I had to get it out of my system and in doing
+so I feel that I have lived up to the best that was in me. After
+all there is some consolation in the thought that one <i>has</i> lived
+up to one's best instincts. How goes your own work? And your
+missus? Ask her to write me and tell me without circumlocution what
+she thinks of my effort, especially the conception on the whole. I
+should like to have discussed<a name="page_256" id="page_256"></a> it with her and to have had her
+opinion in the making. Over here one gets only the one-sided
+opinion of one's confrères or the unimaginative view-point of a few
+moneyed Americans who want names (<i>BIG TYPE</i>) to fill up the bare
+wall-spaces.... I should like to ask your wife whether she is
+pursuing her work in earnest or whether like so many lady
+<i>dilettantes</i> she is only amusing herself.... How I should like to
+see you both here this coming summer! Is it not possible? I'll turn
+over my ménage to you if that is an inducement. Let me hear from
+you soon and send me the latest picture of the son and heir.</p>
+
+<p>"Yours fraternally,</p>
+<p class="r">"J. G."</p></div>
+
+<p>I had thrilled at the mere suggestion of a trip abroad but relegated the
+thought to a background of remote probabilities and gave myself up to an
+eager contemplation of the photographic reproductions of the sculptor's
+work. Following the numbers indicated on the back of each, I arranged
+the photographs consecutively across the wall.</p>
+
+<p>The form appeared to be a kind of spiral, each step or incline complete
+in itself yet suggesting a connecting thread. At first glance I was
+struck with the multiplicity of figures, all nearly life size. But as my
+eagerness gave way to soberer perspective, something I had overlooked<a name="page_257" id="page_257"></a>
+now asserted itself: <i>In the score of characters represented there were
+but two faces&mdash;that of one man and one woman!</i> That is to say, the two
+faces were reproduced ... yet ... or did one's fancy play at tricks?...
+I applied the magnifying glass.... Yes, there were but two faces, both
+repeatedly used by the artist, but with what wondrous and illuminating
+difference! Starting from the left and lowest plane&mdash;symbolic of the
+theme&mdash;there was embodied in the figures of the man and maid the lowest
+form of love.... The youthful prettiness of the girl, the soft roundness
+of her form, the maiden breast ... all these but accentuated the
+undeveloped soul. Her very attitude, the abandon as she lay smiling,
+half-hid amongst the leaves and blooms ... here, indeed, was "a parley
+to provocation." ... Above her towered the figure of a man. In his
+spare, sinewy form, conscient of its strength, vibrant with sex, the
+young male was epitomized.... "Instinct" need not be carved across the
+base.... Instinct, the first and lowest form of love.</p>
+
+<p>From the grassy knoll the path ascended to a rocky promontory, bleak,
+arid. Straining 'gainst the fury of the storm, the man and<a name="page_258" id="page_258"></a> woman
+climbed; his muscles tense, confusion limned upon his face; the woman,
+crouching in her fright, hiding her face in her wind-tossed hair; while
+underfoot they trampled on a mask, the leering mask of former self ...
+and, riding on the wind, half cloud, half god, a phantom with veiled
+face laid on the lash.... Confusion.... Chaos....</p>
+
+<p>The path led on and up through thorny underbrush; a parched earth; the
+cactus plant; some blanched bones, a horned toad. He stood apart with
+sullen mien; his features thick and brutalized; his muscles lax and
+loose, as if impotent rage had yielded to dumb apathy. The woman, lying
+prone, distorted with revolt and fright, seeking to shut out from view
+the hideous deformity at her breast&mdash;half man, half beast; its clenched
+fists, contorted legs raised to rebel; the grotesque mask miming its own
+despair. And in the background, poised on abyss-edge, a Hecate band
+whirled in orgy-dance.... Where is the tutelary goddess now&mdash;the Better
+Self, the Soul of Things? And even as I asked I followed in the path
+which, still inclining, reached a broad plateau. In the foreground, the
+man&mdash;gaunt and grim&mdash;the grimness of despair; his muscles knotted, his
+horny<a name="page_259" id="page_259"></a> hands, the poised axe. Through the matted woods a skulking
+wolf.... Beyond, the woman; haggard of face, drawn with fatigue; no
+longer full and round of form. Dropping seeds on fresh-tilled earth; a
+living burden on her back; around her neck two chubby arms. And at the
+entrance to the cave, half blended with the rocks, the Inscrutable One
+stood guard.... "The Will to Live" was written here....</p>
+
+<p>The path winds on, steeper, more tortuous still; by cliffs, abyss,
+<i>impasse</i>, bald peaks, the Mount is reached ... and here they rest....
+Like complements they stand, hand clasping hand, looking out and beyond;
+serene of brow, though scarred with age. An august peace, the harvest
+yield. A straight firm youth hangs on his mother's arm ... and in that
+life is blent the best of both&mdash;the purpose of the race. The mantle of
+the clouds half moulds a form; the hands reach forth to stroke their
+eyes.... It is <i>the awakening</i>....<a name="page_260" id="page_260"></a></p>
+
+<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XV" id="CHAPTER_XV"></a>CHAPTER XV</h3>
+
+<p class="nind">W<small>HEN</small> Experience came in some time later, bringing a cup of chicken
+broth, she found me at my writing desk. Commenting on my flushed cheeks,
+she urged me back to bed. But a feverish energy had seized upon me: to
+work, to accomplish, to be independent of another's maintenance. There
+was a prescience that in the not far distant future I should have need
+of such resource, materially and spiritually. I shook off the foreboding
+as a connotation of my physical condition. To take my place in the
+world's work was the grandiose euphemism with which I lulled my
+uneasiness. That same night I unearthed my working kit from the closet
+in which it had been stored. One of the rooms of our apartment bearing
+the honorary title of "boudoir" had a southern exposure, and, as we were
+on the first floor nearest heaven, the light was good even on gloomy
+days, which abounded at this season of the year. I shall never forget
+the sense of exhilaration<a name="page_261" id="page_261"></a> with which I cleared the decks for action. It
+was as if some great force had breathed the vital impetus into my
+nostrils. When I had donned my brown overall-apron I paused and inhaled,
+deep and long. It was the first free breath I had drawn for weeks.</p>
+
+<p>In reviewing the busts I had made of Boy while he was still a baby I was
+struck with the child's likeness to his father. Even Experience
+commented on it. I set to modelling other heads. Inspired by the example
+of our sculptor friend I essayed studies in expression. Boy, in a
+laughing mood; Boy, crying; sulking, in a temper; Boy asleep, his head
+pillowed on Snyder&mdash;Snyder, now so altered and disfigured by painless
+surgery at the hands of Experience as to be hardly recognizable. From
+the face and head I turned to a study of the hands. It had always
+appeared to me that there was more of the real character written in the
+human hand than in any other feature of the human form. I studied,
+absorbingly, the expression the artist had portrayed in the hands of the
+Inscrutable One as they emerged from the cloud-like drapery in the final
+grouping on the Mount. Strength, firmness, a certain largeness and
+benignity and withal a caressing tenderness....<a name="page_262" id="page_262"></a> It pleased and
+surprised me to observe, how, with each new effort, the clay responded
+more readily to my touch. Sometimes I made experiments with modelling
+wax; a pinch here, a pressure there and the whole expression changed.</p>
+
+<p>When my touch had mastered a certain sureness and deftness I planned a
+nude of Boy with the idea of later executing it in marble. I worked
+unceasingly; a relentless energy urged me on&mdash;to what purpose it never
+suggested itself to enquire. In my ardour I hardly paused to eat. But,
+conception is one thing; execution another. I began to understand the
+"dogged grind" the sculptor had spoken of. A kind of despair flagged my
+spirit. At such times I dragged myself out of doors. Sometimes Boy would
+accompany me on these walks, but for the greater part I went alone. I
+liked the overcast, drizzly days best. There was a quiet, a solace, in
+the unfrequented paths and woodsy corners of the upper boundaries of the
+Park. I spent hours sitting upon the rocks feeding the friendly
+squirrels, or tramping in the leaf-mouldy tangle. And by degrees my
+spirit yielded to the balm of solitude. Once again life fell into a
+groove. I told myself I had reached<a name="page_263" id="page_263"></a> a readjustment of my life. For
+Boy's sake, if for no other, my husband and I should go on together. The
+fact that I still loved my husband I placed as a parenthetic
+consideration, in my plans. Boy was the capstone of our married life.
+Having brought him into the world without the desire or power of
+selection on his part, obviously our first duty was to the child.
+"Honour thy father and thy mother" had always appeared to me in dire
+need of amendment. Why honour parents who are not qualified to command
+either respect or affection? "Be fruitful and multiply": whether saint
+or sinner, breed! breed! breed! Paugh! When will a Wise Prophet arise to
+reveal a doctrine of eugenics?&mdash;to preach that <i>quality, not quantity</i>,
+makes for the betterment of a race&mdash;that to be well born is the rightful
+heritage of the unborn....</p>
+
+<p>With the resolution to write my husband out of the fullness of my
+convictions I hurried homeward. The wind had shifted, and sharp bits of
+sleet cut against my face. Hearing me come in, Experience had brought me
+a cup of tea. I smiled at the ginger-bread dogs&mdash;all replicas of
+Snyder&mdash;which she told me she had made with the hope of amusing Boy. He<a name="page_264" id="page_264"></a>
+had been querulous and quite unlike his happy self; she feared he was
+not well, though at this moment he was sleeping quietly. I tip-toed into
+his room and, discerning no unnatural symptoms, I left him undisturbed.</p>
+
+<p>The letter written, I gave myself up to the quiet hour: it was dusk, and
+with night a soothing hush seemed to pervade the activities of man. In
+the shadows of the room the whiteness of the plaster casts gleamed like
+tombstones, the lonely sentinels of the dead. I recall I shuddered at
+the thought and forthwith switched on the light. Once in every little
+while I looked in upon my Boy. When at last he opened his eyes and
+smiled at me, I hugged him to my breast with such vehemence as to make
+him cry out. His bedtime bath had always been the signal for a romp.
+To-night, however, he seemed disinclined to play. A hot dryness of his
+skin caused me to take his temperature. I found nothing disquieting in
+the slight rise, and in response to his mood I lay down beside him to
+wait for the sand-man. All night he tossed. In the morning the
+temperature had risen to an alarming degree. I sent for the doctor. He
+came twice during the day. In the night Boy was seized with a
+convulsion.<a name="page_265" id="page_265"></a> When the doctor arrived in answer to a summons by
+telephone, he looked grave. Something clutched about my heart. It was
+with almost superhuman effort I framed the words.... "Shall I ... send
+for his father?..." The doctor nodded. "How long will it take him to get
+here?" he said....<a name="page_266" id="page_266"></a></p>
+
+<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XVI" id="CHAPTER_XVI"></a>CHAPTER XVI</h3>
+
+<p class="nind">I<small>N</small> a driving rain, under a weeping sky, we followed the little white
+casket to the grave&mdash;the three of us. There, in the presence of only the
+mole-faced grave-diggers and the man of professional black, we yielded
+him up. Experience had asked, with a kind of awe, whether she should
+call in a minister. I could have shrieked at the mere suggestion! A
+minister? On what pretence? To mumble platitudinous euphemisms, worn
+thread-bare from usage&mdash;to essay to comfort me with specious consolation
+ground out like a gramophone: "Be brave, my child! He has gone to a
+better world," or "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away," or, again,
+"You are not alone in your affliction; other mothers have suffered their
+dear ones to be removed," et cetera, et cetera. Words! Words! Words!...</p>
+
+<p>As they lowered him in the grave, his father held me close and, in a
+voice tremulous with tears, he quoted reverently: "And from his<a name="page_267" id="page_267"></a> fair
+and unpolluted flesh may violets spring." ... And when the earth thud
+harshly 'gainst the coffin lid, closing him away forever ... never again
+to hold him in my arms&mdash;never again to feel his cheek on mine.... O,
+Death! your sting lies buried in the hearts of those who stay behind ...
+and then to leave him there ... alone ... in the heavy silence of the
+dead ... so cold ... all unresisting, his roguish laughter hushed ...
+his lips, once red, now blue and drawn ... the wax-like lids shadowed
+with heavy fringe ... my Boy ... my Boy ... whose coming we had
+deplored, whose little life had so entwined itself about my heart as
+made a part of me&mdash;the better part.... Well ... he had not tarried
+long.... Boy ... <i>Boy</i>....</p>
+
+<p>In the overwhelming grief which had come to me, life appeared a void; a
+vacuous, heavy-footed thing, with moments of suspended thought, a
+merciful numbness of despair, a sound, a familiar sight, a rush of
+memory, a freshet of tears, each overlapped the other, so fast they
+followed. One of the unpardonable and most resented slights to those in
+affliction is the even tenor with which the world wags on its way,
+callous and indifferent. One<a name="page_268" id="page_268"></a> would have it stop, take heed, upheave....
+So, when Will announced that it were expedient to rejoin his company
+almost immediately I felt a sacrilege was about to be committed. His
+rôle was being played by an understudy, who, after the manner of
+understudies, was neither prepared nor equal to the emergency which had
+suddenly confronted him. Will urged me to accompany him, pointing out
+that to remain in the apartment alone with ever-present reminders of my
+loss were to nurse my grief and keep the wound always fresh</p>
+
+<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="">
+<tr><td align="left">"Unnumbered cords, frail strands full fraught with pain,</td></tr>
+<tr><td align="left">That join the soul to things of time and sense."</td></tr>
+</table>
+
+<p>The thought of leaving all that held the nearness of his spirit was
+repugnant to me. I wanted to be alone with my grief. Gradually I came to
+realize that it was for the best. Experience, too&mdash;simple, honest
+soul&mdash;was shaken by the suddenness and swiftness of our loss. I decided
+to send her to her home for a rest and change of scene. After all, what
+did it matter where I went?... Boy was not there....</p>
+
+<p>The season dragged by, drab and comfortless. Will's devotion to me was
+the only ray<a name="page_269" id="page_269"></a> of light in the murkiness of my spirit. Our common grief
+had bridged the gulf between us. All the gentleness, the tenderness in
+his nature seemed to revive. He never left me to accept invitations in
+which he knew I could not share; something like the old camaraderie was
+restored between us. I found a kind of balm in the thought that, if the
+death of my son had been the means of bringing my husband and me closer
+together, the sacrifice had not been in vain&mdash;and yet&mdash;and yet ... in
+the inner consciousness of my heart I knew the truth: had I been called
+upon to choose, the sacrifice had not been Boy. Truly, life is a
+continuous compromise.</p>
+
+<p>The season ended, we returned to New York. Because we could not afford
+to move&mdash;there being the usual deficit in the family budget&mdash;we opened
+the apartment. To dwell upon the resurging pain which the reminders in
+my home undammed were to make fetish of my grief. Neither did I ask
+Experience to return. She, too, belonged to the past of things.</p>
+
+<p>Will had determined to leave his present management and seek new fields.
+The company for the next season was to be curtailed and the cast
+cheapened, an extended tour of<a name="page_270" id="page_270"></a> one-night stands. The summer was passed
+in New York, and luckily, except for periodic waves of tropical heat,
+the weather was not unendurable. Will spent a goodly part of his time at
+the Lambs' Club, where he said he kept in touch with the activities of
+the managerial world. The season promised to be backward. Plans appeared
+to be slow of consummation. The tedium began to tell on Will's nerves
+and his temper, especially when he found himself suspended from the
+Lambs for non-payment of dues. None of his colleagues came to his
+rescue. That the theatrical profession is a fraternal organization is
+another of those popular fallacies. There can be no spirit of fraternity
+in an overcrowded profession.</p>
+
+<p>It became expedient that Will appeal to his father for financial
+assistance, a resort which he postponed as long as possible, since the
+old gentleman invariably accompanied his grudging remittances with
+advice, censure and no little contumely. Will could not understand why
+he was not "snapped up" at once, so he expressed it. He had made good in
+his last engagement, had kept himself well advertised (<i>vide</i> the
+press-agent) and it would appear that, as a natural sequence, his
+services should<a name="page_271" id="page_271"></a> be in demand. He commented on the statement made by
+several managers, viz.: they had nothing in his line. It was evident
+that in making a pronounced success in a certain <i>genre</i> of plays he had
+become identified with the one type of hero and the managers could "see"
+him in no other. Managers are, with rare exceptions, an unimaginative
+lot. In no other way can one explain the deluge of plays patterned on
+the same type: for example, let a manager by hit or miss produce
+successfully a play built around the Far West, immediately there spring
+up a dozen of the ilk. Or, again, let a play of farcical construction
+score a hit; the public is immediately surfeited with a run of farces.
+So with the actor. Let him once become identified with heroes of
+romantic drama and the manager fears to entrust him with the dress-suit
+rôle, and vice versa.</p>
+
+<p>More and more I was impressed with the ephemeral quality of the actor's
+success. At best the actor's is an aleatory profession and, as in all
+games of chance, the losses score highest.</p>
+
+<p>It was well along in the autumn when Will signed and immediately began
+rehearsals. The star was a petulant little lady who, by grace of<a name="page_272" id="page_272"></a> her
+marriage with a manager, had been hoisted to her present position, a
+position to which she was not equal either by training, personality or
+talent. For several seasons the husband-manager had invested&mdash;and
+lost&mdash;large sums of money in the attempt to build up a following for his
+wife. The present venture was a kind of last straw. That there was more
+or less "feeling" between the couple was evinced by their frequent
+<i>passages d'armes</i> of a personal nature, at rehearsals. Accustomed as he
+was to the thoroughness of the stage-management under which he had
+worked during the past two seasons, Will found the hit and miss methods
+of his new affiliation disconcerting and irritating. In addition to
+this, the husband-manager-director had a picturesque if not a literate
+command of the language. He was in the habit of standing in the centre
+aisle or at the back of the theatre and shouting his directions to the
+members on the stage. When, as sometimes happened, a member resented the
+manager's method of criticism in no uncertain terms, that personage
+would back down and with tearful, if blasphemous, appeal explain
+himself. On opening nights, in response to the persistent calls from the
+claque, the manager<a name="page_273" id="page_273"></a> reluctantly (!) appeared before the curtain to bow
+his acknowledgment&mdash;in shirt sleeves&mdash;his air of exhaustion contrasting
+sharply with his jaws which worked a piece of chewing-gum like a
+ticket-chopper in rush hours. It would seem that the vanity of actors is
+not an exclusive attribute.</p>
+
+<p>The metropolitan reception of the play and star was not one of
+unmitigated joy. The husband-manager, not liking the opinions of the
+press, talked back both in print and from the stage. Two ghastly weeks
+in New York, playing to a papered house or empty seats, and the company
+took to the coal regions. Another fortnight was spent sparring for open
+time, reluctantly doled out to the weak, and the company gave up the
+ghost. Obviously Will had entered upon a cycle of bad luck. I took upon
+myself to look for an engagement. Not only on account of the material
+consideration, but because the emptiness and loneliness of my life had
+become no longer endurable. Self-imposed tasks palled. My mind refused
+to concentrate upon the line of study I had outlined. "And thus the
+native hue of resolution is sickled o'er with the pale cast of thought."
+The career I once planned for myself had been consigned to<a name="page_274" id="page_274"></a> the dump
+heap of lost illusions. I could not touch the clay which once had
+thrilled me with ambition.</p>
+
+<p>Will went about with me on my visits to various managers. He encouraged
+me in my intention and I was glad to interest him, to take him out of
+himself, as it were. His run of hard luck had preyed on his nerves and
+frayed his temper. There was reason for me to suspect he was drinking
+more than was good for him. Finally there came an offer of a small part
+in a musical comedy which had settled down for a run in New York. The
+fact that I was possessed of no great amount of vocal equipment did not
+preclude me from the field. The manager intimated that what I lacked in
+voice I made up in pulchritude, though I recall he referred to it as
+"shape." The salary was to be thirty-five dollars a week. The gowns were
+furnished&mdash;those worn by my predecessor&mdash;though I was called upon to
+supply my own shoes, silk hose and gloves. In reality I was to be
+nothing more than a show-girl, with a few lines to speak.</p>
+
+<p>Will was in front the night I made my début. After the performance we
+went to a restaurant, there to talk it over. Congratulating<a name="page_275" id="page_275"></a> me on my
+"getting away with it" and telling me how "peachy" I looked, he
+laughingly predicted a line of Johnnies at the stage door, flowers, and
+the usual perquisites of the chorus girl.... "If you weren't wise to the
+game, I'd give you a few pointers," he said, ... "but" ... and here he
+reached across the table and patted me on the hands.... "I reckon you're
+equal to any situation, old pard.... Just sit tight until I again land
+on my feet and then you can cut it out, if you like."</p>
+
+<p>I did not find myself subjected to any fierce onslaughts on the part of
+the Johnnies or <i>viveurs</i> about town. Once or twice I received a note
+accompanied with flowers. The former I destroyed; the latter I promptly
+presented to the least pretty of my five dressing-room mates. She wore
+them on the stage and made eyes at the donor, who occupied an upper box,
+much to my amusement and to his confusion. I discouraged intimacies of
+all kinds, with one exception. But of this more hereafter. The stage
+director never attempted to chuck me under the chin or call me "baby,"
+as he did other members of the cast. I had had my little run-in with him
+at rehearsal when he essayed to yell at me after the manner of his kind.
+I<a name="page_276" id="page_276"></a> stopped short, the orchestra petered out in discord and, walking to
+the apron of the stage, I modulated my voice, so that it reached him
+quietly but effectively, where he stood in the back of the theatre. "Mr.
+M&mdash;&mdash;," I had said, "if you have any further suggestion to offer, you
+will please do so in a less offensive manner. My hearing is good and I
+believe I have the average amount of intelligence." There was an ominous
+silence and the martinet started down the aisle. Behind me I heard a
+buzz of approbation from the girls who had suffered at his hands. Just
+why the bully changed his mind I never knew. At any rate the rehearsal
+was continued. Later the manager chaffed me about the incident. The
+manager was an undeveloped little person&mdash;as if some hereditary blight
+had nipped him in the bud&mdash;distinctly Semitic in all his traits. Will
+had known him from the time he had abandoned haberdashery for theatrical
+management; indeed, I believe he had been a member of the manager's
+first venture into the field.</p>
+
+<p>One feature which stands out most prominently in retrospect was my
+adaptability to my surroundings. Conditions which once had shocked me no
+longer left an impression. Obviously<a name="page_277" id="page_277"></a> the finer edge of my nature had
+worn blunt. Things appeared to me in a kind of impersonal light. My
+present path had been chosen from necessity; a part of the scheme of
+things, yet a thing apart. The commonplace round of concerns and duties
+went on, but life, real life, for the time being lay fallow.
+Occasionally, when I caught myself dropping into the slang and jargon I
+had absorbed from my fellow workers, I mused a bit and pulled myself up
+with a sharp curb. But, as I have said, I was no longer disturbed or
+impressed with conditions which once had sent the blood to my cheeks.</p>
+
+<p>The easy familiarity between the sexes which I had thought sufficiently
+deplorable in the "legitimate" branch of the theatrical profession was
+in the comic opera world flagrantly increased. I have heard a
+distinction made between immorality and unmorality, but I fail to
+observe any slight deviation from the general result. Vulgar stories,
+steeped in smut, went the rounds. Each new one was welcomed and passed
+down the line. If one betrayed her disapproval by ignoring the
+<i>raconteur</i>, she was laughed down and thereafter referred to as "very
+up-stage." In the dressing-rooms modesty<a name="page_278" id="page_278"></a> of person was an unknown
+quantity. Not infrequently I found "extra" gentlemen performing lady's
+maid service for one of the girls. On one occasion when I slipped on the
+iron stairway leading to the stage, badly wrenching my ankle, a sturdy
+stage-hand picked me up, carried me to my dressing-room, and, before I
+realized what he was about, had pulled off my shoe and was in way of
+removing my stocking when I protested. "O, well, if you're that fussy&mdash;"
+he said as he went out....</p>
+
+<p>One of the most pernicious influences to be contended against by the
+girl who tries to go straight is the never-ceasing topic of "men" and
+"money." The man behind the bankroll is the basis, in one form or
+another, of all the chorus-girl conversations. To be picked out by a man
+of means to marry, or, failing this, to be set up in a "swell" apartment
+and "put it all over" the girls of her acquaintance, is the hope which
+springs eternal in the chorus-girl breast. Even in hard times, when the
+champagne appetite needs must be quenched with beer, she dreams of
+diamonds. Standing in the wings, waiting for the cue, one hears an
+exchange of banter such as this: "Heard you<a name="page_279" id="page_279"></a> was at the Abbaye last
+night.... Where'd you pick him up?... Say, don't you believe anything he
+tells you! Henny knows all about him and he says that for a tight-wad
+he's got Russell Sage skinned to death!" Or ... "I was at Morrisheimer's
+to-day; they're havin' a sale of models. I gotta three-piece velvet suit
+for thirty-five dollars, marked down from seventy." ... "Say! He must be
+good to you. Why don't you introduce me to some of your gentlemen
+friends?"</p>
+
+<p>I once asked a chorus girl of considerable notoriety how she had come to
+enter the profession. "O," she replied, "my folks was the poor but
+respectable kind. There was a big family of us, and I, bein' the oldest,
+had to help out. I didn't get much schoolin' and, after tryin' half a
+dozen things like bein' a chamber maid, waitin' in a restaurant and that
+kind of business, I tumbled to the fact that I wusn't bad lookin'.
+That's all I had; my face and my shape, and the stage was the best place
+to show 'em."</p>
+
+<p>My dressing-room mates were typical show-girls; manièré, self-conscious
+and always on parade. It was painfully evident they felt themselves
+above the chorus, though some of<a name="page_280" id="page_280"></a> them were pleased to forget the fact
+that they were but recently graduated from that class.</p>
+
+<p>One of these girls afterward married an English baronet. I have since
+wondered what disposition was made of the baronet's mother-in-law. I
+made her acquaintance in the dressing-room one evening, whither she had
+come to mend her daughter's wardrobe. She was a splendid specimen of the
+complaisant stage-mamma. Clad in rusty black, her portly figure bulging
+from ill-fitting stays, one might mistake her for the type of
+scrub-woman one sees about the large office buildings of early mornings,
+but never, never would one suspect her of being the mother of this
+near-Vere-de-Vere. Voluble to a point of madness, she would acquaint you
+with the family history, the cause and intimate details of her husband's
+untimely taking off and the great hopes she entertained for her
+daughter's "getting on." Sometimes she brought with her the youngest of
+her offspring, a little girl of six who had already made her début as a
+child-actress. Like all children of the stage, she was precocious and
+most unchild-like. In the enactment of laws which are aimed to protect
+the child-labourer, an attempt is being made to bring about an exemption
+of their<a name="page_281" id="page_281"></a> application to the stage-child. That the child-actor receives
+better pay, that he or she works less hours and under more sanitary
+surroundings than do children in other trades and professions, cannot be
+gainsaid. But is the economic welfare of the child the prime and only
+consideration? Is the physical protection the one and uppermost
+consummation to be desired? What of the spiritual, the moral side of the
+stage-child? If environment bear the strong influence on human life we
+are led to believe, then should the stage-child be removed from its
+infectious surroundings. The old saw to the effect of pitch and
+defilement is here most applicable.</p>
+
+<p>I have referred elsewhere to the exception I made in my discouragement
+of intimacies. On that morning at rehearsal when I had resented the
+stage-director's mode of criticism, among others who had approved my act
+was a girl whose face had at once attracted me. She was pretty and of
+less common type than the chorus averages. There was something
+individual about her. Her appearance was neat and I had observed that
+her clothes were neither so new nor so extreme as were those of her
+colleagues. Also I was impressed with a quiet<a name="page_282" id="page_282"></a> refinement of manner and
+her usage of good English. As we became better acquainted she sometimes
+waited for me after the performance and we walked together to the
+underground station, where our lines diverged. Later I had asked her to
+dine with me on a Sunday when Will was away on a week-end motor trip.
+She appeared to enjoy the home atmosphere and visited with me in the
+kitchen while I was preparing dinner. Feeling that with our reduced
+income we could not afford it, I had dispensed with a servant. And as
+Will rarely, if ever, dined at home, my housekeeping duties were not
+onerous.</p>
+
+<p>"This is what I have always longed for&mdash;a little home all my own," Leila
+had remarked, smiling wistfully.... It was after dinner and we had
+settled ourselves for a chat.</p>
+
+<p>"Then, in the name of common sense, dear girl, why did you go on the
+stage? Home life and a stage career are as antipodal as the poles."</p>
+
+<p>"And yet you manage to blend the two rather charmingly," she retorted.</p>
+
+<p>"Absurd! I'm not trying for a career, and as for home life ... my dear
+child, it's the merest pretense. Half the time we are not at<a name="page_283" id="page_283"></a> home and
+the flat has either to be let or remain closed. One never knows from day
+to day when the furniture will be packed off to storage."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes ... I presume you are right.... How did I come to go on the
+stage?... Well, I suppose it was because I wanted a career of some
+kind.... I wanted to <i>do something</i>; you know how empty and shallow the
+average girl's life is, with the endless round of parties, visits, fancy
+work and that sort of thing. I was an only daughter, too. Father was
+well-to-do and wrapped up in the affairs of the small city in which we
+lived. After he died, mother thought she would like to travel. We went
+abroad. It was over there that the idea of a career took a stronger hold
+on me. About the only talent I could lay any claim to was music. I had
+always played and sung at our home concerts and church sociables.... But
+mother didn't encourage me in my ambitions. She argued that, since
+father had left us comfortably fixed, why should I want to worry my head
+about work? Besides, she said my first duty was to her as long as she
+<a name="page_284" id="page_284"></a>lived. So there it rested.... We just drifted from place to place ...
+vegetating...."</p>
+
+<p>"Some parents are like that," I commented.</p>
+
+<p>Leila rested her chin in her palms and went on.... "After mother died I
+resolved to go after that career. I returned abroad to study...." She
+chuckled a little, probably, at the remembrance.... "Of course, the
+<i>teachers</i> said I had a great future ahead of me ... with application
+and patience ... infinite patience. Meanwhile I must study&mdash;and pay
+exorbitant prices for my tuition. The income which had been ample for my
+needs heretofore did not go very far under the new régime. I found it
+necessary to cut into the capital, realizing the danger of such a move,
+but soothing my fears with the dream of my great future.... Well, honey,
+the splendid career as you see has ended in the chorus.... And, what's
+more, I'm living on my salary." She picked up Will's guitar and began
+strumming on it. "What I can't understand," she continued after a while,
+"what I feel most is the fact that I don't seem able to pull myself out
+of it. I see other girls lifting themselves to better positions; I know
+I can sing better than any one of them.... There was Miss Nelson whom
+you succeeded. As soon as I heard she was to retire I went to the
+manager and asked for her place. He<a name="page_285" id="page_285"></a> sent me to the musical director,
+who heard me sing, commented favorably and said he would report to the
+manager. That was the last I heard of it until rehearsal was called and
+I learned that you had been engaged.... Tell me, honestly, what's the
+matter with me? Why don't I get on? Is it because I haven't any <i>pull</i>
+or because&mdash;" She did not finish her sentence, but switched to
+another.... "Take our prima donna for example: three years ago she was
+playing a part not bigger than yours. Now look at her! My voice is as
+good as hers, if not better, but I can't get them to let me even
+understudy her." ...</p>
+
+<p>A vision of the prima donna passed before my eye; an insipidly pretty
+woman whose sudden rise to fame had turned her empty little head. Vain,
+impetuous, over-keyed, already the marks of dissipation were leaving
+their indelible stamp. Whenever I saw her, resplendent in sables,
+dangling her jewelled gold-mesh purse, my mind reverted to a well-known
+club-man's comment on virtue: "I always measure the chastity of the
+unprotected female by the size of her gold-mesh bag; the larger the bag
+the less the virtue."</p>
+
+<p>Leila, bent on relieving her mind and heart,<a name="page_286" id="page_286"></a> went on: "When I went into
+the chorus it was a choice between that and Macy's. Of course I'd heard
+things about the life, but I told myself that a girl who wants to can go
+straight in any walk of life. I had all those copy-book maxims at the
+tip of my tongue: 'Virtue is its own reward,' and 'Then let us be up and
+doing, with a heart for any fate; still achieving, still pursuing, learn
+to labour and to wait,' or something like that.... Willie Stewart&mdash;you
+know the little black-eyed girl who plays next to me on the left&mdash;it was
+she who gave me my first eye-opener. Seeing that I was new at the
+business, she came to me shortly after we opened and asked me if I
+didn't want to meet some gentlemen; that she had been asked to bring
+some of the girls with her to a beefsteak party which was to be pulled
+off that night. I thanked her and told her I did not care to go. Willie
+squinted her eyes a little in sizing me up, then treated me to the
+following advice: 'Look here, angel child, you'd better go back to home
+and mother. This is no place for a minister's daughter. If you haven't
+got sense enough to take a chance when it's brought to you on a silver
+tray&mdash;well, all I've got to say is that you're in wrong. Managers want
+the<a name="page_287" id="page_287"></a> girls that are popular and the way to be popular is to mingle. Just
+remember that you don't get anything for nothing in this business or in
+no other, as far as I've been able to observe. It's give up&mdash;<i>give up
+all along the line</i> and it's only the foxy dame that gets what's comin'
+to her, even then!'"</p>
+
+<p>"Willie has a very large gold bag, I have noticed," I said.</p>
+
+<p>"And a sealskin coat," Leila added. Then she jumped to her feet and
+struck at the sofa pillows viciously.... "It isn't the clothes and that
+sort of thing that appeal to me. It isn't the fact that I'm living in a
+dingy little room and trying to make ends meet; I'd live on a box of
+Uneeda Biscuits a day if I saw any hope, the faintest ray of hope that I
+could win out clean, on merit alone, in the end.... Sometimes I think
+I'm wrong and that they are right&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Leila! You don't think anything of the sort! You know you are right!
+Hold on a little while longer; you're sure to win! Why, with a voice
+like yours, and your beauty, I should feel so sure of winning that
+nothing else would matter&mdash;and it doesn't, Leila, nothing else really
+counts if you live up to the best<a name="page_288" id="page_288"></a> that's in you!" I had worked myself
+up to a state of enthusiasm where I almost believed my own words. I took
+her by the shoulders and held her at arm's length. We looked into each
+other's eyes, each trying to pierce the veil behind which are concealed
+our true thoughts.</p>
+
+<p>It was nearing the holidays when Will signed for the engagement which
+was destined to play such an important rôle in our future lives. The
+star was of foreign origin, with a fascinating accent and a steadily
+increasing reputation for eroticism. Under the guise of "high-brow"
+drama she revelled in the portrayal of abnormal femininity. Her
+adeptness in "suggestive" scenes, to which she lent a startling
+verisimilitude, soon gained for her a large, if not altogether
+intellectual, following. Will was not altogether satisfied with his
+rôle, but what actor ever is? I consoled him with the fact that the
+salary was good and that but little of the present season remained.</p>
+
+<p>With Will on the road, left to myself in the empty apartment, the blue
+devils renewed their lease. And when the approach of the Christmas
+season began to manifest itself in shop-windows and in holiday rush, my
+heartache increased manifold. Leila and I were<a name="page_289" id="page_289"></a> much together in those
+days. My little friend's increasing depression, instead of augmenting my
+own, acted as a spur to brighter moods. Together we made the round of
+the shops or tramped through the snow in Central Park. Sometimes we
+lingered to watch the young people skating on the ice; again we hitched
+ourselves to sleds to the merriment of small folk. Coming home alone
+from a matinée I would find myself following a party of children out on
+an ante-holiday survey. Standing close to them I listened to their
+prattle and eager expectancy of a visit from Santa Claus.... If the
+tears came I swallowed hard. No one was near to heed. In the seclusion
+of my home I fought it out alone.</p>
+
+<p>It had been my intention to carry a box of flowers to the dear one's
+grave on Christmas morning. Passing one day through a wretched quarter
+of the East Side in search of a dilatory laundress, my steps halted in
+front of a cheap toy-shop. Beside me stood a small boy, clinging to the
+hand of an older girl, their eyes riveted upon the display within. With
+one grimy little hand, stiff and rough from the cold, the small man
+smeared the tears from his eyes and snivelled. His threadbare coat,
+sizes too<a name="page_290" id="page_290"></a> large for his meagre frame, his toes showing through his
+shoes. The girl's face was peaked and old, as if the despair of life had
+already left its stamp. There was something infinitely tender in the way
+she held the boy close to her, mutely comforting his grief, her eyes
+meeting half defiantly the tinselled magnet of the shop-window, her lips
+compressed to stop their mutinous tremble. When at last I brought myself
+to break in upon their thoughts, they looked at me like startled
+fawns....</p>
+
+<p>The overture was on when I rushed into the theatre that afternoon. With
+Leila's help I was in time for my cue. And it was with Leila's help that
+I dressed the toys and trimmed the tree and between us, late on
+Christmas Eve, we toted a big basket on and off the cars, up the dingy
+stairs where Maggie kept house for "me brudder" while their mother went
+out to work.... It was Boy's offering, not mine....<a name="page_291" id="page_291"></a></p>
+
+<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XVII" id="CHAPTER_XVII"></a>CHAPTER XVII</h3>
+
+<p class="nind">C<small>OMING</small> out of the stage door after the performance one night shortly
+after the New Year, the back-door keeper met me with the information
+that a gentleman was waiting to see me. Before I could frame a reply a
+bulky figure emerged from the gloom. I recognized Mr. F. of Chicago.
+There was something akin to embarrassment in the way he proffered his
+hand, though his grip was not lacking in geniality. Of the two I was the
+more self-possessed. To my polite inquiries about his family he murmured
+something about their being all right, he guessed, and abruptly changed
+the subject by asking me to "come jump in a taxi and let's go somewhere
+for a bite of supper." I did not understand why I so readily acquiesced.
+On the way to Rector's&mdash;he himself having made the choice of
+restaurant&mdash;we exchanged amenities. I believe I deplored the fact that I
+was not dressed for the occasion, and he had replied with a flattering
+speech intended<a name="page_292" id="page_292"></a> to salve my vanity. After he had ordered the most
+expensive items on the menu, he settled back in his chair, toyed with
+his fork, looked at me searchingly, then broke out laughing. The
+laughter was not pleasant to the ear; it left an unpleasant
+apprehension. He leaned across the table with a confidential air and
+smiled quizzically....</p>
+
+<p>"Do you remember the last time we had supper together?"</p>
+
+<p>I nodded and coaxed a smile.</p>
+
+<p>"Perfectly," I responded.</p>
+
+<p>A silence, while Mr. F. traced strange hieroglyphics on the napery.
+After a while he tossed aside the fork with the air of one casting off
+unpleasant memories, and settled back in his chair.</p>
+
+<p>"Tell me about yourself," he commanded. "How is the world using you?
+What in the name of wonder ever took you on the comic opera stage? I
+couldn't believe my own eyes when I spotted you to-night, and, of
+course, the name on the programme meant nothing to me. I shook my
+friends as soon as the performance was over and interviewed the
+back-door keeper. He told me you were Mrs. Hartley in private life....
+Well, what's the answer?"<a name="page_293" id="page_293"></a></p>
+
+<p>"There's nothing mysterious about my present occupation. Mr. Hartley
+hasn't been especially lucky this season, and when a chance to help out
+a bit presented itself I took it ... that's all.... I presume you know
+that we lost our boy...."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes&mdash;yes ... I knew, of course." His tone was curt, but I understood
+his reluctance to dwell upon the subject. The return of the waiter ended
+a painful silence. After that Mr. F. kept up a running fire of gossip
+and questions about stage life. But beneath the surface I sensed and
+lent him tacit aid in his effort to steer clear of the topic I knew to
+be uppermost in his mind. From time to time rumours of a fresh rupture
+with his wife had reached me. In fact, it was Will who had acquainted me
+with the news of their final estrangement. He confided the details of
+the lady's latest excursion into the realm of the illicit, with the
+sententious air of, "There! Didn't I predict what would happen?" and a
+shrug of the shoulders. I am not sure that it was not Will's intent to
+sympathize with himself as a victim of circumstances over which he had
+no control. Indeed, the occasional bursts of confidences which he thrust
+upon me, and in which he discussed quite<a name="page_294" id="page_294"></a> frankly the indiscretions of
+certain lion-hunting ladies, were made, I felt, with the hope of
+impressing upon me the pitfalls with which a man in his profession is
+surrounded. Or was it vanity, or a desire to fan the old flame of
+passion he once had aroused&mdash;a passion, which, if the paraphrase is
+pardonable, was now "tame and waited on judgment?"</p>
+
+<p>In some way&mdash;I am not certain how it came about, since "made"
+conversation is at best disjointed and lacks in sequence&mdash;a random
+remark inspired a challenge from Mr. F., who offered to lay a bet that I
+was in the wrong. "O, no," I had replied, "I don't want you to lose;
+besides, you do not pay your gambling debts promptly. Do you know you
+never sent me that box of candy I won from you in Cincinnati? Mr. F....
+you're not a good sport!" With a shock I realized I was in shallow
+waters.... He looked at me with his eyes narrowed to mere slits....
+"Well, little woman, I can't say that of you, can I?... I can't say that
+you're not a good sport&mdash;after that performance in Cincinnati." ...</p>
+
+<p>I flushed but made a heroic effort to control my voice. "I don't think I
+follow you." Mr. F. beat up the bubbles in his glass and watched<a name="page_295" id="page_295"></a> them
+come to the surface before he answered.</p>
+
+<p>"Of course you've heard about her latest affair with that Italian opera
+singer.... Well, I caught her with the goods this time.... For the sake
+of the children I'm letting her get the divorce...." He left off
+frowning and contemplated me with an amused smile. "Say, little woman,
+you did put it all over me there in Cincinnati, didn't you?... I suppose
+you're wondering how I got wise to it? Well, I wrung the confession out
+of her; I wouldn't let her get the divorce until she told me the truth,
+and then I checked it up through her sister, who's a pretty good
+sort.... All my life I've had a deep-rooted respect for a game sport....
+When I look at that pretty little face of yours and think of the job you
+cooked up at a moment's notice&mdash;well, I take off my hat to you, that's
+all!... Look here, little woman: if anything ever goes wrong between you
+and handsome Bill&mdash;and by Gad! I thought it had when I saw you on the
+stage to-night&mdash;if ever you need a friend, just tap the wires. There's
+my club address ... and, little lady&mdash;don't be afraid that I'll ask
+anything in return&mdash;do you follow me? I'm not any better than<a name="page_296" id="page_296"></a> the rest
+of my kind, but I think I know the real thing when I meet it."</p>
+
+<p>While donning my wraps in the cloak-room some time later, I was
+surprised to see my little friend Leila enter and present her coat-check
+to the maid. She flushed a little in surprise as she greeted me: "Why,
+Mrs. Hartley! I didn't know you were here! Where were you sitting? Why
+didn't you tell me you were coming?"</p>
+
+<p>"I didn't know myself. I found an old acquaintance waiting, and of
+course he wanted to see 'where the soubrettes hang out.'"</p>
+
+<p>"How funny! My coming was unexpected, too. I'll tell you all about it
+to-morrow." She hurried away, a little eagerly, I thought. As I passed
+out in response to a beckon from Mr. F. I saw Leila being helped into a
+handsome fur coat.</p>
+
+<p>I told myself it was none of my business; that Leila knew perfectly well
+what she was doing and that any amount of advice from me would not only
+not be acted upon, but would be resented. Already she avoided me. To my
+pleadings that I was lonely&mdash;would she not dine with me at my home?&mdash;she
+responded with ever-ready but piffling excuses and subterfuges.<a name="page_297" id="page_297"></a> I would
+see her emerge from her dressing-room after the performance, prettily
+dressed, get into a waiting taxicab and be whirled away. The situation
+preyed on my mind. Once I took courage in both hands and called at her
+lodging-house only to be told that Miss Moore had moved away a month
+since. I got the new address from the back-door keeper, and when my
+little friend was out of the cast through illness I seized the
+opportunity to call on her.</p>
+
+<p>It was one of those smaller apartment hotels in the West Forties; I was
+taken up in the elevator without challenge. The coloured maid who
+cautiously opened the door said she did not know whether her mistress
+would see me. Something in my manner, however, caused her to stand aside
+and let me enter. The rooms were tastefully if cheaply furnished. Leila
+was lying on a couch, propped with pillows and clad in a dainty silk
+kimono. She was taken by surprise and flushed a little as she extended
+her hand. The maid placed a chair for me.</p>
+
+<p>"I&mdash;I thought you had forgotten me," she stammered as I offered the
+flowers I had brought. "How good of you!"</p>
+
+<p>"They're only seconds, Leila, but the best I<a name="page_298" id="page_298"></a> could afford." And,
+compared to the big American Beauties reposing in a vase near at hand,
+they certainly did look shop-worn.</p>
+
+<p>"It's a beastly day, isn't it? Let me send for a cup of tea or maybe
+you'd like a high-ball...."</p>
+
+<p>I declined both. The maid disappeared. Leila squirmed about on her
+pillows....</p>
+
+<p>"I'm sorry to see you ill, Leila," I ventured by way of breaking the
+ice.</p>
+
+<p>"O, I'm not really ill ... only a slight cold. I'm a bit run down and
+the Judge&mdash;that is&mdash;the doctor thought I should rest for a while. I'm
+not going back to the theatre this season.... It's awfully good of you
+to bother about me...."</p>
+
+<p>"Leila?" I said finally.... "Leila, is it worth it?"</p>
+
+<p>"Is what worth&mdash;&mdash;"....</p>
+
+<p>"All this." I indicated the apartment, the piano, the silk négligée&mdash;and
+the ring on her finger.... "Is it worth the price you are paying?" I
+asked gently. She lifted her shoulders.</p>
+
+<p>"I don't know!" Her tone was half question, half defiance.... "I <i>do</i>
+know that the other way wasn't worth the sacrifices, the<a name="page_299" id="page_299"></a> scrimping and
+mean pinching. I couldn't go on like that&mdash;I couldn't! I am young; I
+want some of the good things of life while I am still young ... and I
+was lonely. I didn't fit into my environment."</p>
+
+<p>"I understand, Leila.... Perhaps I appreciate the loneliness, the
+rebellion, better than you think.... You see other girls enjoying the
+good things of life and apparently happy. But, after all, happiness is
+purely relative, and what makes for their happiness might not make for
+yours. Leila, dear girl, couldn't you make up your mind to stick it out
+just a little while longer?... Things were sure to come your way&mdash;or,
+perhaps, you would meet the right man and marry and settle down in the
+little home of your own which you told me you have always craved."</p>
+
+<p>"The right kind of men don't marry chorus girls. The exceptions are
+rare. And what manner of men are they who <i>do</i> marry a girl out of the
+chorus? Old worn-out roués, almost senile from the debauched lives they
+have led. They crave something young and fresh as an elixir of life.
+Sometimes it's a young blood with money; a black sheep of the family who
+drinks and sports, and in the end there's<a name="page_300" id="page_300"></a> divorce if nothing worse....
+I couldn't marry a man like either of these.... It's a mistake to be too
+fastidious...."</p>
+
+<p>"Is&mdash;is&mdash;he married?"</p>
+
+<p>"He&mdash;O.... Yes, he's married&mdash;in a way. His wife and he have not really
+lived together for years. For the sake of the family they keep up
+appearances.... She doesn't understand him...."</p>
+
+<p>"Did <i>he</i> tell you that&mdash;and you <i>believe</i> it?"</p>
+
+<p>"But I know it's true! You'd believe it, too, if ever you were to see
+her. He married her when he was young and poor."</p>
+
+<p>"I presume they loved each other then; she probably pinched and scrimped
+in those days to help him&mdash;to help him get where he is to-day."</p>
+
+<p>"I don't know anything about that, of course. But I do know that I
+admire him; he has a wonderful mind. It's a privilege to be associated
+with a man like him. If you knew him, you would not think so badly of
+the&mdash;the arrangement."</p>
+
+<p>I left my chair to sit beside her on the couch.</p>
+
+<p>"Dear girl," I said, slipping my hand in hers, "Don't misunderstand me.
+I'm not sitting in judgment, neither am I criticizing you.<a name="page_301" id="page_301"></a> But I want
+you to think of the future. Have you ever thought of the time when you
+will be no longer young? Have you never observed that type of woman one
+finds hanging around restaurants or hotel corridors, hoping to pick up a
+man, any man, it doesn't matter what kind of a man so long as he has a
+little money? These women are getting along in years, taking on flesh,
+hiding the ravages of time and dissipation with rouge, hair-dyes and
+more dissipation. They are fighting life and getting the worst of it,
+having put into life only their worst: thrown from one man's arms into
+another's: down the line&mdash;always down grade, lower and lower
+until&mdash;until what remains? The streets, the work-house, or suicide....
+Have you thought of that?"</p>
+
+<p>"No! <i>No! No!</i>&mdash;and I don't want to think of it!" She pounded her fists
+vehemently together.... "I'm tired of thinking of the future! I've done
+nothing all my life but think and live in the future&mdash;and now I'm going
+to get what there is&mdash;all there is&mdash;out of the present, if it's only a
+pretty gown, only a bright flower! What incentive has a girl like me to
+<a name="page_302" id="page_302"></a>be good? Go away! Go away, please, and don't bother about me!" ...</p>
+
+<p>As I walked up Fifth Avenue on my way home, the shops and various
+dressmaking establishments were disgorging their workers: pale girls,
+for the most part, poorly clad. Here and there one prettier than the
+rest, showing in her dress the innate love of display; passing the
+well-dressed saunterer along the way with a pert glance, an inviting
+eye; dreaming of the silks she had handled all day; longing for the
+comforts of life which money alone can buy.... After all, is it a
+question of morals or economics which leads these girls astray? As my
+little friend had put it, "What incentive have they to go straight?"<a name="page_303" id="page_303"></a></p>
+
+<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XVIII" id="CHAPTER_XVIII"></a>CHAPTER XVIII</h3>
+
+<p class="nind">W<small>ILL'S</small> season closed early. My own promised to run well into the summer
+months. Will's return was marked by a happier frame of mind and a
+corresponding good humour. He had been re-engaged for the coming year,
+and the fact that his maternal grandmother had recently died and left
+him a small legacy, which would be made over to him during the summer,
+relieved his mind of the worry over money matters which had been
+oppressing him. With characteristic prodigality he invested in a
+complete new wardrobe&mdash;to be paid for when the legacy arrived. Also he
+contemplated buying a motor-car, though I endeavoured to point out to
+him that a trip abroad would be a better investment, if spend his money
+he must.</p>
+
+<p>It was well along in June when&mdash;with a silent <i>Te Deum</i>&mdash;I saw the
+notice posted. One of those periods of tropical heat had descended upon
+New York and brought the run of the opera to an abrupt close. It was a
+welcome<a name="page_304" id="page_304"></a> relief to be allowed to remain at home for days at a time. I
+set about to refurnish my summer wardrobe. With the acquisition of an
+automobile still pending in his mind, Will spent much of his time away
+from home, trying out various makes of cars.</p>
+
+<p>It was during one such week-end hejira that John Gailbraith returned
+from abroad. He had only that morning disembarked, and after settling
+himself in a downtown hotel had come to call on us. I hailed his advent
+with delight. Our long talks, the exchange of ideas, his alert mind
+refreshed and stimulated my own. Will once laughingly remarked that I
+had developed into a veritable human question mark. But in no other way
+could I induce our friend to talk about himself or his art. He had
+travelled much and when once started on the subject would retail his
+experiences in foreign lands. My interest was kept on the <i>qui vive</i>.
+Then there was his work and achievement. Long were the discussions and
+criticisms of the "Super-creation" and the thoughts and ideas which had
+led to its conception.</p>
+
+<p>As yet, I had not been inclined to resume my own work which my son's
+death had caused me to lay aside. Now, under the influence of my<a name="page_305" id="page_305"></a>
+master's encouragement and sympathy, the old ambition quickened. As the
+summer progressed we came to see a great deal of John Gailbraith.
+Indeed, he became a part of our daily life. A genuineness which made
+itself felt, a cleanliness of mind and speech, together with a quiet
+humour and a gift of sympathetic understanding, endeared him to his
+friends. Will shared my feeling, else he had not thrown us so
+continuously together.</p>
+
+<p>"John Gailbraith is one of the few men in the world to whom I would
+entrust my wife's honour," he had said one day. I had chided Will for so
+repeatedly throwing me upon our friend for amusement or companionship.
+It had become a common thing for Will to hail his friend thus: "Old man,
+if you haven't anything better to do to-night, take my missus out to
+dinner, will you? I have an engagement to hear a play read," or, "I say,
+Jack old boy, look after the missus while I'm away. I've been asked to
+go on a motor-trip for a few days and I know it's punishment to drag the
+poor girl along." (Parenthetically Will rarely asked me to join him on
+these motor-trips.) It was on such an occasion that I had reproved Will
+for saddling John Gailbraith with a responsibility<a name="page_306" id="page_306"></a> which may not have
+been to his liking. "There may be other friends to whom he may wish to
+devote himself; besides is it wise that I be seen so continually in his
+company and without my husband? You know how malicious the world is.
+People will say&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"O, Hell! I believe with Bernard Shaw: 'They say&mdash;what do they say? Let
+them say!' People will always find something to criticize. So long as I
+am satisfied it's nobody's business. I'm not afraid, girlie, of anyone
+taking you away from me." And he dismissed the subject.</p>
+
+<p>My husband not only encouraged the idea of my working under the guiding
+hand of the sculptor but developed an enthusiasm which quite took away
+my breath. In one of his impulsive moods he rented a studio from an
+artist member of the Players' Club, who was planning to go abroad for a
+year. "It's just the thing she needs; something to occupy her mind.
+Besides, any little pleasure I can throw her way is coming to her, after
+the way she stood by when I was down on my luck. It isn't every wife who
+can support her husband, is it, old man?" And Will slipped his arm
+about<a name="page_307" id="page_307"></a> my shoulders with an amused wink. He was in high humour these
+days.</p>
+
+<p>There was a great scrubbing and cleaning before I pronounced the studio
+habitable. Will said I was not a true artist. I failed to find art and
+dirt synonymous or mutually connotating each the other.</p>
+
+<p>The building which housed the studio was in a small street or, more
+properly, an area-way in the vicinity of lower Fifth Avenue within a
+stone's throw of Washington Square. John Gailbraith said it was his
+favourite part of the city. It came to be mine. Sometimes, after we had
+taken luncheon at a near-by restaurant, we would stroll in the square or
+sit on one of the benches. Our lounging neighbours were interesting
+studies in real life. John would point out the various foreign types and
+compare them with their countrymen on their native heath. At other times
+I would have our recently acquired cook-lady prepare a dainty lunch
+basket, which I carried to the studio, and at the noon-hour, while John
+made the tea, I laid the table. Here we would linger, absorbed in the
+discussion which with passing days grew more frank and intimate. I no
+longer felt cramped or warped. Expansion<a name="page_308" id="page_308"></a> had become an almost
+measurable sensation. During our vari-toned <i>pour-parler</i>, one subject
+was by seemingly tacit consent taboo. No reference or allusion was ever
+made to my conjugal affairs. Whatever John Gailbraith thought or knew
+concerning Will's peccadillos, he gave no intimation. It was not
+possible that he had not heard of my husband's various <i>liaisons</i>. In
+fact, Will, himself, made no attempt to conceal the attentions of
+certain women who rang up at his home under flimsiest pretence. He joked
+lightly about their indiscretions and commented on the fact that he "was
+getting to be the real thing in the way of a matinée idol." The period
+following upon my son's death when Will had devoted himself to me with
+something of the sweetness of our early married life was short-lived.
+And if I closed my eyes and ears to the recurring lapses of his fidelity
+it was because I still hoped that some day he would need my love.
+Whether John Gailbraith believed there was an understanding between my
+husband and me I could only surmise. To have him regard me in the light
+of a complaisant wife gave me many uncomfortable moments, yet I could
+not touch upon the subject. The truth lovingly told is<a name="page_309" id="page_309"></a> that I came
+nearer to being happy during those summer months than I had been
+for&mdash;how many years had passed since Will and I had set up housekeeping
+in the little furnished flat of halcyon days?...</p>
+
+<p>When Will's absence from home became more frequent and of long duration
+I exerted myself to greet his return with a pleasant word and a serene
+face. And if, sometimes, I felt John's eyes upon me&mdash;those great gray
+eyes with large iris and the black fringed lids&mdash;I strove the harder to
+dissemble.</p>
+
+<p>Sometimes Will would swoop down on us with a noisy party in tow and
+insist upon an impromptu dinner in the workshop. The suggestion was
+invariably hailed with delight by the women, who regarded the studio as
+an open sesame to forbidden fruit and free speech, while to the men it
+connoted models in the nude and bacchanalia.</p>
+
+<p>On one occasion Will brought his star to see the minute whirling figure
+the sculptor had but recently completed in refutation of the criticism
+that his work was effective only in large design. Posing as a
+<i>connoisseur</i>, the lady had expressed the wish to see John's work. I
+think I hated her at first glance. There was<a name="page_310" id="page_310"></a> something snake-like even
+in the movement of her body and in the craning of her long, thin neck
+from which a sharp jaw projected. She fascinated while she repelled.
+Being temperamentally reserved in the presence of strangers&mdash;and the
+lady temperamentally interested in the opposite sex&mdash;I had an
+opportunity to study her. My scrutiny was not unobserved. Indeed, she
+was always conscious of self, though apparently not self-conscious.</p>
+
+<p>In the act of taking her leave she stopped quite suddenly and addressed
+herself to me: "And so you are <i>Meesus</i> Hartley.... What fine eyes you
+have ... such ... what <i>ees</i> the word? Yes, tangled, tangled depths ...
+and the shadows!... If I were a man I should make love to <i>Meesus</i>
+Hartley...." She shot a glance at John Gailbraith, then dropped her lids
+over her eyes. But the suggestion was not lost. It was not meant to be.</p>
+
+<p>"Madame has a pleasing way of expressing herself," I drawled, meeting
+the much affected wide baby stare of her orbs with a like expression.
+Suggestion is insidiously effective. From the moment my husband's star
+had dropped the seed&mdash;thoughtlessly or maliciously, who shall say?&mdash;it
+took root. The calm surface over<a name="page_311" id="page_311"></a> which I had been gliding during the
+past months ruffled and disturbed my equilibrium. The old <i>camaraderie</i>
+between John Gailbraith and me gave way to self-consciousness on my
+part. I felt what I imagined might have been the sensation which
+overwhelmed Mother Eve after eating of the Tree of Knowledge. For the
+first time during our intercourse I looked upon John Gailbraith as
+man&mdash;myself, woman. I caught myself expecting, anticipating, parrying
+any indication on his part which might be construed as a prelude to
+tenderness. My attitude became constrained, unnatural; his, more
+gracious, gentle, tactful. Perhaps he analyzed my mood as the natural
+result of gossip which connected my husband's name with that of the
+"star." That he pitied me heaped coals of fire upon my head&mdash;and his. I
+was glad of the opportunity which took him to Washington in response to
+a letter from a prospective patron and left me to myself.</p>
+
+<p>With mathematical precision I questioned myself: Why should I permit the
+insinuations of a not disinterested woman to mar a friendship which had
+become dear to me and which I had hoped to retain all my life? Was
+friendship between persons of opposite sex not possible?<a name="page_312" id="page_312"></a> Can there be
+no relationship between man and woman disassociated from sex? Had this
+man by look or word professed other than friendship for me? Had I
+professed or felt any emotion other than which I indicated? Then why
+permit the bond to be severed by a wholly suppositious breach? I
+resolved that upon John's return to the city I should take up the thread
+where I had left off. There was consolation in the determination.</p>
+
+<p>The time had arrived when I was to begin the nude of Boy in marble. It
+was to be my winter's work and I was eager to be well advanced with it
+before John went abroad again. I looked forward to his going with
+genuine regret. More and more Will had estranged himself from me:
+whether deliberately or not I was not prepared to answer. The relentless
+examination continued. What was it which held me to my husband? Did I
+still love him despite his infidelities, his ever-increasing neglect and
+selfishness? Or was it the tender memories of our youthful love at whose
+altar I worshipped, feeding the smouldering embers with incense of
+bruised and crushed illusions? Might I not, after all, with patience,
+devotion, tolerance and a single-heartedness of purpose<a name="page_313" id="page_313"></a> lead his
+wandering steps back to me? If life was barren now, what should it be
+without him? No, I must find my solace in my pride in him; must squeeze
+what comfort I might in helping him on to success; always with the
+hope&mdash;hope!&mdash;the promise-crammed!</p>
+
+<p>It had become a custom of mine to carry my perturbation of heart and
+mind to my boy's grave; there, in the silence and the nothingness of
+life, to find a balm and fortitude. It was upon such a mission I set out
+one day late in September. Under the early autumn haze the meadows lay
+carpeted with golden rod and fleecy lace of the Queen's handkerchief.
+Soothed by this tryst with my loved one I returned to town prepared to
+take up the battle. Arriving at the Grand Central Station I decided to
+telephone to Will's club with the hope of finding he had returned during
+my absence. Stopping to pay the toll I glanced listlessly around the
+waiting-room. A familiar figure caused me to start forward, then draw
+back. There, coming through the station was my husband and his "star."
+From the handbags he carried&mdash;one of which I recognized as his&mdash;it was
+evident that they had come direct from the train. I recalled that Will
+had mentioned<a name="page_314" id="page_314"></a> the fact that the star had recently bought a country
+residence. And, too, it recurred to me that, when on Saturday night Will
+had telephoned me that he was at a Turkish bath and would remain there
+all day, his voice had a far-away sound to it, as if the message were at
+long distance. Sunday and Monday had passed with no word from him. I now
+understood where he had been.... I watched them drive away in a
+hansom.... Then I took a car home.<a name="page_315" id="page_315"></a></p>
+
+<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XIX" id="CHAPTER_XIX"></a>CHAPTER XIX</h3>
+
+<p class="nind">I<small>T</small> had never before suggested itself to me that divorce was the only
+solution. Divorce had always appeared to me an acknowledgment of
+failure&mdash;failure of married life. When my son was taken from me I had
+cherished the delusion that our differences lay buried in his grave;
+that an adjustment of our married life was imminent.... Divorce! To give
+him his freedom; to turn me upon the world without anchor, ballast or
+compass.... A kind of terror took possession of me&mdash;not the terror of
+being thrown upon my own resources for a livelihood, since I was not
+dependent upon my husband for maintenance, a consideration which
+prevents many women from severing a bond which has become repugnant to
+them&mdash;but the terror of loneliness. I had already tasted of this
+bitterness&mdash;was I now to be surfeited with it? If only Boy had been
+spared to me! O, God, the pity of it all!... And yet, there was no other
+way.<a name="page_316" id="page_316"></a> To carry on the farce of married relationship; to submit to him,
+feeling only revulsion, repugnance, was nothing short of prostitution.
+And had I not already prostituted the best that was in me? Already the
+corroding influences around me had begun to tell. Even John Gailbraith
+had noticed the change in me and had alluded to it under the veil of
+kindly intent. If I were to save anything from the wreckage I must begin
+now, at once&mdash;before it was too late. I had seen women, good women,
+stronger women than myself, break under the strain of neglect and
+loneliness.... Well, I should not break. Pride should sustain me.... The
+future ... no, I dared not yet think of the future. It made me quail and
+falter in my purpose&mdash;a purpose I determined to make known to my husband
+on his return.</p>
+
+<p>Arriving at the studio the next morning earlier than was my custom (Will
+had not yet put in an appearance and the delay but strengthened my
+purpose), I found that John had not yet returned from breakfast. His
+small sleeping-quarters, giving upon the studio proper, were open and,
+without meaning to be curious, I paused in the doorway. A charcoal<a name="page_317" id="page_317"></a>
+sketch caught my eye. It was my own likeness. Scattered about the room
+were other sketches in various stages of development. I turned away,
+closing the door behind me. A warm flush suffused my being. I told
+myself it was shame at having intruded where I had not been bidden....
+The various models of my son stood about the room and beckoned me. I ran
+my fingers over the little head, the pouting lips, and laid my cheek to
+his in silent salutation. The flood-gates strained and throbbed,
+threatening to break through.... A hand closed over mine.... I knew the
+hand.... In my complete immersion of thought I had not heard him come
+in.... I bent and pressed my lips upon his hand.... We stood looking at
+each other. Something of the shock I felt was mirrored in his eyes....
+"Margaret ... Margaret," he had said ... and I, all unyielding, had
+sought the solace of his arms....</p>
+
+<p>Some time later he placed a chair for me and forced me gently down ...
+still quivering under the shock of revelation&mdash;revelation, not of what I
+had done, but of what I <i>felt</i>! The spurious sentiment which had held me
+to the past of things shook me with its last convulsive<a name="page_318" id="page_318"></a> gasps....
+Seated in front of me, his hands clasping mine, he read the confusion in
+my mind: confusion which speech alone could dissipate....</p>
+
+<p>"I want you to know what is in my mind and heart.... Doubt, a great
+question over-shadows all else. I ask myself, can a woman love more than
+once? Is there a love for youth, a love for maturity?... You see, I am
+not sure that I really love you. I am haunted with the fear that my
+loneliness, my wounded pride, my unsatisfied life have caused me to seek
+consolation. And I have come to you for that consolation because I
+respect and admire you. Propinquity has proved that we are companionable
+and that we have much in common. But love demands something more than
+companionship, respect and admiration. <i>You</i> would demand something
+more.... Whether I am prepared to give you that which you demand is the
+question. As I feel now, I could not give you all the marriage relation
+implies. Do you understand my scruples? I have the feeling that to go
+from one man's arms to another's is nothing short of indecency. Perhaps
+time will alter the perspective. But I don't know, John, I don't know!
+You<a name="page_319" id="page_319"></a> see I want to be honest with you. I want to promise nothing about
+which I am not sure.... Then, there is your side of it. Can I give all a
+man expects from the woman he makes his wife? What have I to give? The
+bloom of my womanhood, the ardent passion of youth is forever gone. What
+is left may not satisfy you.... It is right that you should go away at
+once ... but I shall be lonely.... God and my heart alone know how
+lonely I shall be...."</p>
+
+<p>"Margaret, I thank you for your frankness. It only adds to my love for
+you. I appreciate and respect the feeling which bids you send me away at
+this time. Only don't sacrifice yourself to a prudish modesty; don't
+make a fetish of the past. Conserve your tender memories, if you will,
+but strip them of overvaluation.... You ask what have you to give.... Do
+you believe that because the bloom of your womanhood, your first passion
+and its fruition have belonged to another, that there is nothing left to
+give? Shall I be giving, does any man give, what he demands of a woman
+as the prerogative of his sex? You see, little woman, we are the victims
+of a false education. There is one standard for woman,<a name="page_320" id="page_320"></a> a different
+standard for man. It is this faulty double standard which is responsible
+for so many unhappy marriages. Some day this will all be changed. There
+are signs even to-day of the awakening.... Rid your mind once and for
+all of the spectre that the past will stand between us. Don't stultify
+your womanhood with a sentimentalism which is the curse of your sex.
+Life lies before you. The motherhood which your nature is crying out for
+is your rightful heritage. Look ahead, dear. Be true to the best that is
+in you ... and remember ... I am waiting...."</p>
+
+<p>I bade him good-bye&mdash;and had lingered. His strong hands clasped mine
+once more and held me there.... Mutely we looked into each other's eyes
+... and thus my husband found us.... Coming in unannounced&mdash;whether
+intentionally was of small moment. We did not start; instead, I think he
+held me closer and met the other's sneer with a clear gaze....</p>
+
+<p>"Drop my wife's hand! Drop it, I say!" Will raised his cane to strike. I
+heard it snap and saw the bits in the other's hand. They clenched and
+glared at each other....</p>
+
+<p>"It is not necessary to indulge in heroics,"<a name="page_321" id="page_321"></a> I interposed.... "Suppose
+we talk it over&mdash;sensibly."</p>
+
+<p>As we seated ourselves in preparation for the "<i>pour-parler</i>" the ironic
+humour of the situation came to my rescue. There was something absurdly
+theatrical about Will's attitude: a stentorian breathing; his stride
+across the room; a certain punctuated deliberation in the way he
+relieved himself of hat and gloves. I had seen him do thus in "strong"
+scenes on the stage, many and many's the time. I felt as if I were
+waiting for a cue....</p>
+
+<p>"So!" Will began after placing his chair firmly centre.... "So this is
+the way you abuse my confidence in you both!... My God, where is your
+sense of honour? If I hadn't trusted you so implicitly it wouldn't be so
+bad ... but to deliberately strike me from behind!" He rose, strode left
+centre and back again. "And you&mdash;my wife! <i>My wife!</i> I would not have
+believed it of you! I would never have believed it possible that my wife
+could so deceive me.... I've been warned about this.... I've been warned
+that such a thing as this might happen, but I refused to listen to
+<a name="page_322" id="page_322"></a>gossip ... and nobody had the nerve to tell me the truth.... It's the
+same old story ... a husband is always the last one to hear of his
+wife's infidelity.... Margaret! <i>Margaret!!!</i>"</p>
+
+<p>He stopped and waved his hand tragically in the direction of the models
+of Boy....</p>
+
+<p>"How could you.... How could you!... Here under the very eyes of our
+little son! Have you no shame, have you no reverence for the memory of
+that sainted child?... O, my God! Woman!..."</p>
+
+<p>The mention of the child electrified me ... his cheap grief was
+revolting....</p>
+
+<p>"Stop that! Stop your acting! I'm sick, <i>sick</i>, <i>sick</i> unto death of the
+theatre!... Haven't you one honest, sincere emotion in your nature? Play
+the plain, rugged manly hero for once in your life, if act you must!...
+You wouldn't believe it of your wife ... <i>your</i> wife.... Do you think
+<i>your wife</i> is not made of flesh and blood and sensibilities like other
+human beings? What right have you to expect <i>anything</i> from your wife?
+How dare you conjure with my son's name?... you, fresh from the arms of
+that&mdash;that creature!..."</p>
+
+<p>Will eyed me narrowly.</p>
+
+<p><a name="page_323" id="page_323"></a>"O ... so you've been listening to gossip, have you? You've been
+discussing me between you, is that it? No doubt our friend, here, has
+done his best to put you wise, eh? I've had enough of this...."</p>
+
+<p>"You shall stay and hear me out!... It may surprise you to know that our
+friend, here, has not even intimated that he knew of your flagrant
+liaison.... It may shock you to know that it was your wife, the
+gutta-percha doll, who made the first declaration of tenderness, and I'm
+glad, I'm glad that I had so much real passion left! I'm glad to realize
+that after all I am a human being still, capable of feeling" ... (a
+sudden weariness overcame me and left me limp and exhausted). "The
+trouble is&mdash;you are so impregnated with the rottenness about you, that
+you judge all by your own standard.... Let's have done with this!... Any
+further discussion will be carried on in the privacy of our home.... I
+am sorry ... sorry to have subjected you to this humiliating scene." My
+last words were addressed to the man who, tall, gaunt and pale, looked
+on&mdash;and waited. Through a blur of tears I held out my hand to him....
+"Good-bye," I said and left them together.</p>
+
+<p>It was dark when Will returned. I heard<a name="page_324" id="page_324"></a> him softly close the hall-door
+after him. He came into the room where I was lying and sat down beside
+me.</p>
+
+<p>"Girlie ... I have something to say to you...." His speech showed a
+little thickness and I smelled the liquor on his breath. His tone was
+kindly and I felt my rancour soften.</p>
+
+<p>"First, don't let us lose our heads again ... it doesn't help
+matters.... Gailbraith and I have talked it over ... and the kindest
+thing I can do is to give you a divorce.... That sounds cold-blooded,
+doesn't it, between you and me?... but it's the only thing ... the only
+right thing. Gailbraith says I'm not playing fair by you; that I am
+ruining your life and cheating you out of happiness which I can't give
+you myself ... and I guess he's right.... I guess Gailbraith's right....
+We've drifted pretty far apart&mdash;I realize that now ... but&mdash;I want you
+to believe me when I say you are the only woman I have ever loved&mdash;or
+ever will love. The rest are just&mdash;experiences; some of them fascinating
+while they last, but none of them the real thing. No one will ever
+replace you in my heart ... that's certain.... It's too bad&mdash;too damned
+bad.... It's this hellish business! There<a name="page_325" id="page_325"></a> ought to be a law to prevent
+actors from marrying.... Now for the business end of it: I know you
+won't drag in any names as corespondents. We'll fix that up later. I'll
+give you a lump sum, now&mdash;it can't be as large as I should like it to
+be, for there isn't much left. When my season opens I'll make you a
+weekly allowance until&mdash;until such a time as you are able to dispense
+with it. I'll see my lawyer&mdash;to-morrow, and fix things up with him.....
+Don't you think it might be well for you to go away for a few days to
+avoid the newspaper blow-up?"</p>
+
+<p>I nodded. I could not speak....</p>
+
+<p>"There, old pard ... don't take it so hard.... I guess that's all for
+the present. I'll be at the club any time you want me....
+Good&mdash;good-night, Girlie ... and God bless you...."</p>
+
+<p>In the days which followed I appeared to myself like a rudderless ship
+in a choppy sea. I did not see John Gailbraith again. He sailed within a
+few days after the scene in the studio. In a letter written from the
+boat he told me he had not forced himself upon me, knowing my wishes and
+respecting them. "Be true to yourself is all I ask," the letter ran,
+"and know<a name="page_326" id="page_326"></a> that whatever you may decide as best for yourself that shall
+I abide by."</p>
+
+<p>Following the serving of the papers on Will for absolute divorce, I left
+town. Those wretched days were spent on railroad trains, fast trains,
+flyers. I got off one only to board another. The sense of "going
+somewhere" was in keeping with my mood. When I returned to New York,
+worn and relaxed, I appreciated the quiet of what once had been home....
+Will had already installed himself at the club. The dismantling of the
+apartment was a nerve-racking task. Memories, bitter, sweet, crowded on
+each other's heels, "so fast they followed." Will had left a list of
+books and trinkets which were to be packed and sent to storage in his
+name. In an old trunk, buried beneath dust and grime in the bin, below
+stairs, I found endless souvenirs of my married life. Photographs,
+letters, my wedding flowers; press-notices, carefully preserved in a
+large scrap-book; costumes I had made for Will in the early days of our
+struggle; Boy's first shoe.... This inscription on the back of a large
+photograph Will had given to me on the day of our betrothal: "To Girlie
+<a name="page_327" id="page_327"></a>from her Boy&mdash;until death do us part and even in eternity." ...
+Letters, breathing hope and fears and always&mdash;love.... Damp with tears,
+I gathered the symbols of the wreck and plied a match. I watched them as
+they burned ... and crumbled to ashes ... ashes....</p>
+
+<p class="ast">* * * * * * *</p>
+
+<p>I sat in the rear of the dim theatre where I had slipped unnoticed,
+after the lights were lowered. I had come to see him as a kind of
+leave-taking. To-morrow, the open sea ... a new world.... His voice
+thrilled me as before: I smiled at familiar little tricks and
+mannerisms.... His features had coarsened somewhat; his figure taken on
+flesh, but it was the same Will ... the same handsome lover of my youth.
+The scene faded from my view.... I lived again in the past; all rancour
+dead, a great tenderness and regret&mdash;regret that it should be so.
+Silently I stole away, while the lights were low. "God bless you, dear,"
+I whispered in my heart, "God bless and keep you, dear."</p>
+
+<p class="c">THE END</p>
+
+<p class="c">Transcriber's note:<br />
+Beside a few typographical errors, the following changes have been made:<br />
+How long with=>How long will<br />
+woman as my right=>woman at my right
+</p>
+
+<hr class="full" />
+
+<p><a name="page_328" id="page_328"></a></p>
+
+<p><i>AFTER THE HONEYMOON&mdash;WHAT?</i></p>
+
+<p><i>Read the Surprising New Novel</i>,</p>
+
+<p>"<i>The Indiscretion of Lady Usher</i>"</p>
+
+<p><i>and learn what happens to one woman</i>.</p>
+
+<p>&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><i>12 mo. Cloth binding. For sale by all booksellers or sent, carriage
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+
+<p><i>The Macaulay Company</i></p>
+
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+
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+
+<p><i>Then Read the New Novel</i></p>
+
+<p>"HER REASON"</p>
+
+<p>¶This startling anonymous work of a well-known English novelist is a
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+
+<p>¶In the state of nature, animals tend to improve through sexual
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+betrays the freemasonry of womanhood.</p>
+
+<p>MY ACTOR HUSBAND, Anonymous</p>
+
+<p>The reader will be startled by the amazing truths set forth and the
+completeness of their revelations. Life behind the scenes is stripped
+bare of all its glamor. Young women whom the stage attracts should read
+this story. There is a ringing damnation in it.</p>
+
+<p>MRS. DRUMMOND'S VOCATION, by Mark Ryce</p>
+
+<p>Lily Drummond is an unmoral (not immoral) heroine. She was not a bad
+girl at heart; but when chance opened up for her the view of a life she
+had never known or dreamed of, her absence of moral responsibility did
+the rest.</p>
+
+<p>DOWNWARD: "A Slice of Life," by Maud Churton Braby</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Author of "Modern Marriage and How to Bear It"</span></p>
+
+<p>"'Downward' belongs to that great modern school of fiction built upon
+woman's downfall. * * * I cordially commend this bit of fiction to the
+thousands of young women who are yearning to see what they call
+'life.'"&mdash;<i>James L. Ford in the N. Y. Herald.</i></p>
+
+<p>TWO APACHES OF PARIS, by Alice and Claude Askew</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Authors of "The Shulamite," "The Rod of Justice," etc.</span></p>
+
+<p>All primal struggles originate with the daughters of Eve.</p>
+
+<p>This story of Paris and London tells of the wild, fierce life of the
+flesh, of a woman with the beauty of consummate vice to whom a man gave
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+
+<p>THE VISITS OF ELIZABETH, by Elinor Glyn</p>
+
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+
+<p>BEYOND THE ROCKS, by Elinor Glyn</p>
+
+<p>"One of Mrs. Glyn's highly sensational and somewhat erotic
+novels."&mdash;<i>Boston Transcript.</i></p>
+
+<p>The scenes are laid in Paris and London; and a country-house party also
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+
+<p><i>Price 50 cents per copy; Postage 10 cents extra</i></p>
+
+<p><i>Order from your Bookseller or from the Publishers</i></p>
+
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+
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+we love."&mdash;Ambrosine.</p>
+
+<p>THE VICISSITUDES OF EVANGELINE, by Elinor Glyn</p>
+
+<p>"One of Mrs. Glyn's most pungent tales of feminine idiosyncrasy and
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+
+<p>Evangeline is a delightful heroine with glorious red hair and amazing
+eyes that looked a thousand unsaid challenges.</p>
+
+<p>ONE DAY: A Sequel to Three Weeks</p>
+
+<p>"There is a note of sincerity in this book that is lacking in the
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+
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+
+<p>THE DIARY OF MY HONEYMOON</p>
+
+<p>A woman who sets out to unburden her soul upon intimate things is bound
+to touch upon happenings which are seldom the subject of writing at all;
+but whatever may be said of the views of the anonymous author, the
+"Diary" is a work of throbbing and intense humanity, the moral of which
+is sound throughout and plain to see.</p>
+
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+
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+
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+
+<p>THE ADVENTURES OF A NICE YOUNG MAN, by Aix</p>
+
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+
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+
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+
+<p><i>Order from your Bookseller or from the Publishers</i></p>
+
+<p>THE MACAULAY COMPANY 15 West Thirty-eighth Street, New York</p>
+
+<p>Send for Illustrated Catalogue</p>
+
+<hr class="full" />
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of My Actor-Husband, by Anonymous
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+</body>
+</html>
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of My Actor-Husband, by Anonymous
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: My Actor-Husband
+       A true story of American stage life
+
+Author: Anonymous
+
+Release Date: January 1, 2011 [EBook #34814]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MY ACTOR-HUSBAND ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Chuck Greif and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by the
+Digital & Multimedia Center, Michigan State University
+Libraries.)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+MY
+ACTOR-HUSBAND
+
+_A TRUE STORY
+OF
+AMERICAN STAGE LIFE_
+
+NEW YORK
+THE MACAULAY COMPANY
+1913
+
+COPYRIGHT, 1912, BY
+JOHN LANE COMPANY
+
+To
+PROFESSOR CHARLES T. COPELAND
+Of Harvard University
+
+
+
+
+FOREWORD--A RETROSPECT
+
+
+In presenting this autobiography to the public, the author feels it
+incumbent upon herself to impress upon her readers the fidelity and
+strict adherence to the truth, relative to the conditions which surround
+the player. In no instance has there been either exaggeration or a
+resort to imaginative creation. It is a true story with all the ugliness
+of truth unsoftened and unembellished. Nor is the situation presented an
+exceptional one. One has but to follow the career of the average actor
+to be convinced that the dramatic profession is not only inconsistent
+with but wholly hostile to the institution of marriage. Managers and
+actors alike know and admit this to be the truth--amongst themselves.
+What they say in print is, of course, merely so much self-exploitation.
+The success of any branch of "the show-business" is dependent on the
+bureau of publicity.
+
+To one intimately acquainted with the life, the effusions of certain
+actors' wives, which from time to time appear in magazines for women,
+are ironically humourous. They are to be put down as the babbling of the
+newly-weds or the hunger for seeing their names in print. To hear the
+wife of a star declare that she always goes to the theatre and sits in
+the wings to watch her husband act is to presage the glaring head-lines
+of a divorce in the not-far-distant future. If it be not now, yet it
+will come, for those players who go through life with but one, even two
+marriages to their credit are the great exception to the rule. The
+actor's life precludes domesticity and without domestic life there can
+be no successful marriages.
+
+Every community has its stage-struck girls. Year after year the
+Academies of Divine Art turn out graduates like so many clothes-pins.
+Neither aspirant nor parent appears to question her fitness for the
+career to which she aspires. Both are ignorant of the conditions which
+confront the tyro or they have a wholly erroneous idea of theatrical
+life--ideas culled from the articles which appear from time to time in
+the magazines over the signature of a prominent actress. The average
+reader has no way of knowing that these articles are not written by the
+actress herself, but by a needy scribbler to whom she grants permission
+to use her name, for the free advertising she will get in return. "My
+Beginnings," "Advice to Stage-Struck Girls Who Plan to Go on the Stage,"
+etc., are alluring head-lines. The subject matter is a mass of
+glittering and trite generalities. Of the real conditions, the pitfalls,
+the drawbacks to be met, the outsider hears nothing. And when once in a
+decade a scribe dares to express himself truthfully concerning the moral
+atmosphere in the theatrical profession--(vide Mr. Clement Scott)--the
+air is rent with expostulations, denials and protestations from the
+members of "the profession." Interviews and letters pack the
+enterprising press. Many of those who protest the loudest have the least
+to lose.
+
+It has been said that art bears no relation to morals: as well might it
+be declared that the blood bears no relation to health. Art must forever
+be imbued with the spirit of its delineator.
+
+The moral status of the stage may not be a whit worse than that of half
+a dozen other professions. It is possible, but hardly probable. The very
+exigencies of the player's life make for a laxity and freedom from
+restraint. And in no other profession are the lives of the individual
+members so intimately concerned. The popular contention that a good
+woman can and will be good under any and all circumstances is a fallacy.
+The influence of environment is incomputable. I believe that my little
+friend Leila was fundamentally a good girl: in any other walk of life
+she would have remained a good girl. I believe that fundamentally my
+husband was a good man: in any other environment he would have been a
+good husband. The fantastic, unreal and over-stimulated atmosphere which
+the player breathes is not conducive to a sane and well-balanced life.
+
+And if, in a ruthless rending aside of the tinselled illusions which
+enthrall the stage-struck girl, I have rendered a service, my own
+suffering will not have been in vain.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I
+
+
+It was our first separation. All day I had fought back the tears while I
+helped Will pack his "Taylor" trunk. Neither of us spoke; once in every
+little while Will would stop in the act of folding a garment, and smile
+at me in approval. Then his arm would steal around my shoulders and he
+would pat me tenderly.... I would turn away, pretending to busy myself
+with other things, but in reality to hide the freshet of tears his
+silent expression of sympathy had undammed.... Will had signed with a
+star to play Shakespearean repertoire. The question of wardrobe was a
+source of worry, until I volunteered my services; I was a good
+needlewoman, and, from the sketches Will made, I was able to qualify as
+a full-fledged costumier. For days I had pegged away, refurbishing the
+old and making new ones, and sometimes Will would lend a hand and run
+the machine over the thick seams.... I once read that the women of the
+Commune wove the initials of those they hated into their knitting;
+well, I sewed the seams of Will's dresses thick with love, and hope, and
+ambition ... and dampened them with tears.... Then when the expressman
+came for the trunk ... it seemed as if they were taking away a
+coffin....
+
+Not until that night, after we had gone to bed, and I felt Will's deep,
+rhythmical breathing beneath my head, which lay pressed against his
+breast, only then did I give way to my grief. I crept to the other side
+of the bed and turned my face to the wall--I shook with convulsive sobs.
+
+Now and then Will would half waken, and would reach out and dreamily pat
+my face and smooth back my hair, as one soothes a sorrowing child. At
+such times I would hold my breath, and wait until he was again quiet....
+
+Every incident of our short married life passed in review before my
+burning eyes. We had closed our season late in April, and had come back
+to New York with less than seventy-five dollars between us. But what we
+lacked in money was more than balanced by our enthusiasm and
+illusion--the illusion of two young persons very much in love with each
+other. I had been in New York only once before, and the thought of
+living in the great city, of becoming an integral part of it, made me
+thrill with excitement. Will and I stood on the front of the ferry-boat
+and watched the panorama; he pointed out the various tall buildings with
+an air of familiarity. When we passed close to a great ocean liner,
+which was being swung into her dock by two fussy little tug-boats, even
+Will got excited. He told me which was "fore," and "aft," and named
+various other parts of the boat which I didn't understand. When we had
+taken our last look, he tucked my hand under his arm and told me that
+one day he and I should take a trip abroad....
+
+Owing to the shortage in our money supply, we had decided to go to a
+theatrical boarding house. Will was depending on his father to send him
+an allowance throughout the summer, and while it would be sufficient for
+his needs, now that he was married--well, we should have a chance to
+test the saying that two can live as cheaply as one. Our marriage had
+been a secret one--besides the "star" and one or two members of the
+company, we had taken no one into our confidence. Will's family--his
+father, a sister and brother--his mother having died about the time I
+came into his life--all were intolerant of the stage and its people.
+Though I was not yet a "really truly" actress, the fact that Will had
+met me "in the profession" would have prejudiced them against me; added
+to this was the fact that Will, himself a tyro, taking a wife at the
+very threshold of his career would not be looked at through our
+love-coloured glasses. The effect my marriage might have upon my own
+relatives never troubled me; my father and mother belonged to that great
+class of incompetent parenthood which brings children into the world
+without any actual love for them. Never questioning their fitness for
+child-rearing, they divine no greater responsibility than providing
+bodily necessities and a more or less superficial education. When, at
+the restless age of sixteen, I announced my determination to become an
+actress, there was some surface opposition, but no effort was made to
+enquire into my fitness for the dramatic profession, or the fitness of
+the dramatic profession as a career for any innocent and unprotected
+young girl. I had been highly successful as an amateur, and, as it was
+not necessary that I earn my own living, the stage appeared to their
+insapient minds an interesting playground for a dilettante daughter....
+
+One week in a theatrical boarding-house was all we could endure. I
+wonder why it is that the rank and file of the theatrical profession are
+at such pains to impress one another with their importance. The flippant
+familiarity with which they referred to "Charley" or "Dan" Frohman; the
+coarse criticism of their fellow-actors, which Will called "knocking";
+their easy disregard of the conventions, especially between the sexes; a
+bombastic retailing of their own exploits, as "how I jumped on and saved
+the show, with only one rehearsal"; talking "shop" to the exclusion of
+every other subject in the world. I overheard one of the actresses at
+the next table say we were "very up-stage," which Will interpreted as
+"not sociable, and having too good an opinion of one's self." Neither of
+us was happy in our new surroundings, and I felt a sense of relief when
+Will suggested that we look for a furnished flat. I did not mean to be
+critical of my husband's profession--I endeavored to agree with him that
+every profession has its undesirables.
+
+We spent days in climbing narrow stairs to look at dark, closet-like
+apertures with no ventilation; even the strength-sapping humidity of
+the streets seemed fresh in comparison. At last, we found something less
+undesirable than the others. The building was new, and the apartment in
+the rear gave upon a row of private houses with small yards; there were
+flowers and a few trees--little oases in a desert of brick and mortar.
+The janitor told us there were three rooms: the bedroom was an alcove
+affair, divided from the parlor by pea-green portieres; the kitchen
+beyond was as large as the pantry in our house at home; and the
+furnishings--! The whole outfit might have been removed from a Seventh
+Avenue show-window, where they advertise "Complete furnished apartment
+for $49.99." The near-gold-leaf chairs were so frail that one was afraid
+to sit upon them. The general atmosphere of the parlor reminded me of
+the stage-settings one comes across in one-night-stand theatres.
+However, the vistas of the trees and flowers decided the momentous
+question. We paid a month's rent, then and there; it made a terrible
+hole in our last and only fifty-dollar bill, but neither of us worried
+much about it. For the next week the "show-business" was relegated to
+the background. We played "house" like two children; we arranged and
+rearranged the furniture, and Will made a comfortable divan from two
+packing cases. We went out to market on Ninth Avenue and Will carried
+the basket on his arm. Then we tried our hand at cooking; Will carried
+off the honours for coffee--and hard-boiled eggs. I washed and Will
+dried the dishes--I can see him now, with an apron tied high under his
+arm, declaiming Shakespeare, and juggling with the landlord's dishes.
+
+Our greatest problem was the lack of bathing facilities. We solved it by
+bathing in the wash-tubs; to be sure it was a bit hazardous standing on
+a sloping bottom, in danger of falling out of the kitchen window if one
+leaned too much to the right, or of toppling over to the floor if
+veering a bit too much to the left. But it was a bath, and, as Will
+said, preferable to the communal affair in the boarding house.
+
+The summer passed all too quickly. Those were happy, happy days....
+Sometimes the money market was tight--very tight; especially when Will's
+father was careless about sending Will's allowance. I cried bitterly the
+first time Will went to a pawn-shop; it seemed so humiliating to have
+him do it. Will laughed, and said he regarded it as so much experience.
+Several times a week we donned our best clothes and made the rounds of
+the theatrical employment agencies. Will had had several offers during
+the summer, but we wanted a joint engagement; we had promised each
+other, when we married, that nothing should cause us to be separated.
+Will and I felt that to the enforced separation of married persons--the
+husband in one company, the wife in another--was due the great number of
+divorces in the theatrical profession. Our "star," when apprised of our
+marriage, had followed his good wishes and congratulations with a heart
+to heart talk with Will.
+
+"It's all right, my boy," he said, "don't blame you a bit. She's a
+charming girl, and you're in love with her. If it were any other
+business but the show-business, I'd say you're a lucky dog, but--I'm
+going to be frank with you--a man or a woman in the theatrical business
+has no right to marry. It's all very lovely so long as you're together,
+but you can't _be_ together. The chances are against it--you may be
+lucky enough to get a joint engagement one season, but the next season
+you're off on the road, while she's playing in New York or in another
+part of the country. And what does this separation lead to in the end?
+You're a human being; you crave society, companionship; gradually you
+become weaned away and the inevitable happens. It's propinquity and home
+ties which make marriage a success; the life of an actor precludes
+domesticity. The very exigencies of his profession are not only
+inconsistent with, but hostile to, the institution of marriage."
+
+When Will retailed all this to me, it sounded very big and very
+dreadful--and also very vague. Any danger from separation seemed in the
+far, distant future.... We agreed that a man and wife who permitted
+themselves to become estranged because of temporary separations knew
+nothing of real love--such love as ours, at any rate.... And now, with
+the summer going on apace and no joint engagement in sight, the fear
+assumed a tangible shape, the dread of separation hung over me like a
+pall. Will tried to reassure me by saying it was still early, and that
+we would hold out.... I believed what he said with a child-like faith.
+Indeed, I am not so sure that in these days I did not worship Will with
+the same idolatry that I offered up to the Virgin Mary.... The whole
+world had merged into one being--my husband. My love for my husband was
+the absorbing passion of my life. Never happy in my home--my father had
+married a second wife--all the pent-up tenderness and passionate love
+found an outlet in my marriage. I sometimes wondered what had become of
+my ambition: this, too, had centred upon him. To be sure I meant to
+succeed as an actress, but I now thought of success only in the light of
+an assistance to him. It was already settled between us that I should be
+his leading lady, once he became a star. There should be no separations
+in our life....
+
+The weeks flew by ... the summer waned. Will became less reassuring--he
+took on a worried look. I began to awaken of mornings with a sickening,
+intangible apprehension. After a while I stopped going to the agencies.
+It seemed so futile. And then, one day, late in the summer, when the
+theatres along Broadway had begun to remove the signboards from their
+entrances--it came. I knew something had happened when Will opened the
+door. Instead of kissing me at once, as was his habit, he passed on to
+the bedroom without looking at me, saying, "Hello, Girlie." There was
+always something infinitely tender in the way he said these words, but
+to-day there was a new note in his voice. It took a long time to put
+away his hat and cane; then he came out and kissed me.
+
+I was peeling potatoes. He drew up a chair so that our knees met; then
+he laid a hand on each shoulder and his fingers gripped me. We looked
+into each other's eyes.... After a while I managed to say, "Well, dear?"
+... and when he replied his voice seemed far away. I had the sense of
+returning consciousness after a blow.... I suppose I was a little
+dazed....
+
+"Well, dear, I've signed with----" (he named a boy-Hamlet, well known
+throughout the middle west), "the salary is good and I'll play the King
+in Hamlet, Buckingham in Richard, and, if we do the Merchant, I'll be
+cast for Gratiano.... The best thing about it is the possibility of
+coming into New York for a run. The star wants to play Hamlet on
+Broadway, and I've been told he's got good backing.... So, little
+girl.... it may not be for so long after all...."
+
+Neither of us referred to the subject again that day; neither did we
+try to make believe at being cheerful. We understood each other's
+silence ... and respected it. Outside the rain poured. Will stood at the
+window looking out, but I am sure he did not see the rain....
+
+All these details passed before my mind like moving-pictures. When at
+last I fell asleep, it was to dream the incongruous, disjointed stuff of
+which the actor's dreams are made; the sense of being late for a cue, or
+hearing the cue spoken, to realize that one is but half-dressed, or,
+again, to rush upon the scene only to find the lines obliterated from
+one's memory.... When I awoke, I heard Will in the kitchen; there was
+the smell of boiling coffee. For a moment there was no consciousness of
+my "douleureuse," then memory swept me like an engulfing wave. I cried
+aloud; then Will took me in his strong arms and kissed my swollen eyes,
+oh, so tenderly....
+
+To recall the moments preceding and following Will's departure
+causes--even at this late day--a tightening around the heart. There were
+some red roses in a cheap glass vase on the mantle; Will had bought them
+from a street vendor that morning when he went out for the papers. He
+had pinned one in my dark hair.... After many false starts, and bidding
+me, "Cheer up--it won't be for long," he closed the door after him....
+It was our first separation.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II
+
+
+The red roses had withered; their crisp petals lay scattered over the
+mantel and about the floor. Stooping to gather them, I was seized with a
+giddiness; it dawned on me that I had not eaten for--I did not know how
+long. I went into the kitchen; the table lay as we had left it that
+morning at breakfast. There was his chair and the morning paper. I
+didn't cry--I felt only a heaviness, a numbness. Mechanically I set
+about to put the house in order; I realized that I must get myself in
+hand if only to please Will. I even managed a laugh at my own stupidity
+when, after neatly folding and placing my kitchen apron upon a shelf in
+the dish-cupboard, I hung the sugar bowl on a peg where the apron should
+have gone, and was drenched with a shower of sugar for my pains.
+
+For several days I lived on milk, which the janitor sent up on the
+dumb-waiter. I could not muster sufficient courage to go out to market.
+The sunlight mocked me--I resented the happy laughter of the family
+across the hall. The postman's ring, several days later, put new life
+into me. I knew the letter was from Will. I caught the postman almost
+before he stopped ringing, and, carrying the letter to my room, gave
+myself up to devouring it.
+
+It was filled with interesting gossip about his opening, and gave
+humourous little side-lights of the star and personnel of the company.
+He bade me cheer up and not take our separation too seriously; he
+promised to write every day, and asked that I do likewise. I marked this
+precious epistle with a large "1" in blue pencil and tucked it away with
+the rose-leaves. Then I sat down to write--I wrote reams. It is wondrous
+the many modes of expressing "I love you." To distil those many pages,
+written in the thin, slanting hand of my girlhood, would be to extract
+the very essence of my life's romance--or, shall I say, tragedy.
+
+I lived for the postman's ring. Sundays were the hardest to bear; there
+was no mail delivery. The weeks dragged on at snail's pace. Finally,
+loneliness and isolation drove me to a state of desperation, which, in
+turn, gave me the necessary courage to visit the agencies. Will was
+reluctant to have me take an engagement alone; he made me promise that I
+would not take such a step without first consulting him. Indeed, had he
+but known it, the thought of again travelling alone in a theatrical
+company was distasteful to me; naturally sensitive and of a retiring
+disposition, my first season in the dramatic profession had left some
+unpleasant memories. It was difficult to accustom myself to enter an
+hotel lobby alone, or, if in company with other members of the
+organization, to hear our party referred to as the "troupe." The
+ubiquitous drummer lounging at the hotel desk regarded us with brazen
+audacity, and made audible comments. Then, to enter a dining-room
+unattended, either to be corralled at a table with the other members of
+the company, or, if seated elsewhere, to be further subjected to the
+advances of a "travelling salesman." Again, when walking to the theatre
+or to the railroad station, to see the town-folk turn curiously,
+regarding the players with a condescending smile, which curled the
+corners of the mouth downward as they whispered, "Show people." In
+larger cities these marks of opprobrium are less pronounced, but,
+nevertheless, exist. I resented this attitude towards the theatrical
+profession until I became better acquainted with it. There be those who
+mistake liberty for license, and seemingly the freedom from restraint
+and the lack of conventionality, which the life affords, appear to be
+one of the chief attractions for adopting it.
+
+However, it was expedient that I should work. I dangled before my
+willing eyes the reward of the future--that time when my husband and I
+should play together. I even planned that we should be an example to
+others in our devotion and high moral purpose; and so, by reducing
+expense of maintaining two establishments--the flat in New York and
+Will's living on the road--we should be better equipped to hold out for
+a joint engagement for the following season.
+
+One morning, while waiting in the office of an agent to whom Will had
+introduced me, I was drawn into conversation with an actress whose
+photographs adorned the walls of the room. There was an air of
+importance about her, quite distinct from that of the other women who
+were waiting; these women wore an abject expression. They had relaxed
+the mechanical expression of "bien etre" as the weariness of waiting
+wore upon them; in spite of the make-up--more or less skilfully
+applied--their faces were drawn and strained. Their clothes, too, told
+of the attempt to keep up appearances. I felt a sympathy and fellowship
+for these unemployed; I wondered whether they too, were, by the force of
+circumstances, separated from their loved ones.
+
+Miss Burton, the lady of some importance, broke my train of thought by
+precipitately asking me to "come and have a cup of tea." She assured me
+she would not let me miss "old Tom"--calling the agent by the familiar
+diminutive--and that having sent for her he was bound to wait. "It makes
+all the difference in the world whether they send for you, or whether
+you go to them for an engagement," she told me, with a sententious nod
+of her head. She was so bright and vivacious, and so wholly
+un-selfconscious that, for a moment, I was drawn out of my dreamy
+loneliness.
+
+We went to a near-by hotel. "You take what you like," she said,
+summoning the waiter. "Beer for mine!"
+
+I took tea.
+
+While we sipped our respective beverages she told me about herself. She
+was a well-known comedienne--"'soubrettes' they called them in the old
+days," she volunteered. She had been with "Charley" Frohman off and on
+for years, and expected to go back to him.
+
+"I've been in his bad books," she went on. "I had a good thing, and I
+didn't know it. When I think how I got in wrong all on account of those
+two big stiffs--!" My inability to follow her was probably expressed in
+my face, for she immediately rattled on: "You see, it was like this.
+When Jack and I were married we were in the same Company. He was what
+they call the 'Acting Manager,' travelled on the road and represented
+the New York office--understand? Well, the next year we didn't get an
+engagement together; he went off on the road and I created a part in a
+New York production. It was simply--hell! We used to make the most
+God-forsaken jumps, just to be together over Sunday. Why, once I can
+remember I rode all night in the caboose of a freight train to some
+little dump of a town where Jack's Company had played on Saturday night.
+Can you beat it? Oh, I tell you, I had it bad." And Miss Burton buried
+her feeling and her face in the stein of beer. After a pause she
+continued: "Well, the same devilish luck followed us the next season; we
+couldn't dig up an engagement together for love or money--and we
+slipped a nice little roll to several of the agents, too. It just seemed
+as if managers were dead set against having a man and wife in the same
+company. Some of 'em acknowledge it right out loud, if you please! They
+claim a man and wife in the same company make trouble; either they want
+to share the same dressing-room, or the husband kicks if his wife gets
+the worst of it in the dressing-room line. Or, if the husband happens to
+be a manager, there's the temptation to favour his wife, and somebody
+else kicks up a row. Oh, they've got excuses enough, whether they're
+justifiable or not. Anyway, that's the kind of bunk you're up against
+when you marry in the profession.... Where was I?... Oh Well, after two
+seasons of separation, it dawned on me that Jacky wasn't so keen about
+making long jumps to see wifey; pretty soon I began to hear gossip--he
+was carrying some fairy's grip in the company he was with. Then I began
+to watch him ... I caught him with the goods all right.... Exit,
+hastily, Jacky!" and, with an expressive wave of her hands to indicate
+his departure, Miss Burton called for another stein.
+
+I fear I appeared a perfect idiot in the voluble little lady's eyes. I
+could not muster a comment of any description. Miss Burton, however, did
+not notice my omission, for she raced on with the same energy of
+expression.
+
+"That blow pretty nearly killed Mother, I can tell you. I was in love
+with Jack all right.... It broke me all up to have him throw me down for
+a second-rate soubrette like that. I wish you could have seen it--one of
+these 'I'm so temperamental' kind of dopes. She threw him down as soon
+as she'd used him for what he was worth.... I took to the booze. Whew! I
+did go it hard for a while! That's what queered me with C. F.... Then,
+what d'ye think I did?" Miss Burton leaned forward to better impress me
+with the importance of her revelation: "I tried it a second time....
+This one was an actor: one of those handsome, shaving-soap advertisement
+kind of faces--beautiful teeth, and workin' the smile overtime to show
+'em!... Black curly hair, high brow, chesty--you know--the real thing in
+heavy men.... Mash notes, society ladies making goo-goo eyes at him, and
+forgetting to invite me to those little impromptu suppers. Ha!... don't
+ask me! It was worse than the first.... No, ma'am, matrimony and the
+stage don't mix. They ought to nail over every stage door this warning:
+'All ye who enter here, leave matrimony outside.' Yes, I know what you
+are going to say--that there are happy marriages among stage folks, and
+you'll name some of the shining examples. The domestic felicity of Mr.
+Great Star and his wife makes up well in print. But, wait awhile....
+Have you finished with your tea? Let's step in the ladies' room--I'm
+dying for a smoke."
+
+On our way back to the office, Miss Burton asked me about myself. When I
+spoke of Will, she turned sharply and looked at me with a hurt
+expression.
+
+"Why, you poor kid! Why didn't you tell me you were married? Now, don't
+you let anything I said worry you a bit. Everybody is apt to draw
+general conclusions from personal experiences. There's always the
+exception to prove the rule. Besides...." She slipped her arm through
+mine and gave me a reassuring pressure.
+
+The agent received her in his private office, and when she came out she
+was in high spirits. Calling me to her, she put me on a friendly
+footing with the agent, who promised to keep me in mind. I thanked her
+for her kindly interest, and went home.
+
+Desolate as the little flat was, I found strange comfort within its
+protecting walls. The power of Will's personality had impregnated the
+place, and I felt its soothing influence. I devoted the evening to
+writing to my husband a long letter, but, strangely enough, I did not
+repeat the conversation I had had with Miss Burton. That night I prayed
+that he and I might be the exception to prove the rule....
+
+The next day I visited another agency. The presiding genius was a
+corpulent person, with cold blue eyes which cowed at the first glance.
+She stood behind the rail which divided the office from the waiting
+applicants with an air of a magistrate dispensing justice not altogether
+tempered with mercy. There was something insolent in the way she shut
+off the opening speeches of the applicants with, "No, nothing for you
+to-day; nothing doing, Mr. Blank." Then, as a highly scented and
+berouged person entered, clanking the gold baubles of her chatelaine as
+she swished by, the majoress-domo swung open the gate and greeted her
+with, "Come right in, dearie; I've been waiting for you." They
+disappeared into the sanctum sanctorum.
+
+The little wizened lady who sat next to me snorted with impatience:
+"Humph! I suppose that means another half hour!" She fell to gossiping
+with a man whose very face suggested his "line of business"--that of
+Irish comedian. It was impossible not to overhear their conversation.
+The gorgeous creature who had been received with such open arms was a
+pet of the establishment, because of her generous and regular "retaining
+fees." She had been a more or less prominent society woman from Chicago;
+after a sensational divorce, she turned to the stage for the proper
+outlet for her superabundant "temperament." Willing to work for a salary
+upon which no self-supporting woman could exist, and able to dress her
+parts "handsomely," she found no difficulty in securing an engagement.
+The "retaining fees" no doubt facilitated her progress.
+
+I afterwards learned from Will's experience that a cheque enclosed in a
+letter of application to one of these dramatic employment agencies
+stimulated their interest in the sender. And, even after an actor has
+made a "hit," it is good business to lubricate the dispenser of gifts.
+I could not quite grasp the _modus operandi_ until it was explained to
+me by Miss Burton. "You see, when a manager contemplates engaging a
+company, he sends to an agent for a list of names. Perhaps he wants a
+leading man or a character actor, and he may direct the agent to
+communicate with a certain actor whom he believes to be best suited to
+the part he has in mind. Now this particular actor may not be in the
+good books of the agent, or there may be another actor playing the same
+line of business who is regular and liberal with his 'retaining fees.'
+It is not difficult to understand which of the actors will be
+suggested--even cried up--to the manager." Our own experience had been
+to negotiate direct with the managers. But, in many cases, the managers
+themselves send the actors whom they engage to a favoured agent to
+complete the negotiations. In this way the agent is able to collect a
+week's salary from the actor.
+
+The Irish comedian figured the average income of an agent who "placed"
+several hundred actors, with salaries ranging from thirty to three
+hundred dollars a week, at $5,000 a year. "And from the fish-hand they
+give you when you come lookin' for an engagement you'd think _we_ were
+the grafters--damned old parasites!"
+
+When, at last, the lady agent returned from her conference, I timidly
+made known my wants. Perhaps I looked like a "non-retainer," as the
+comedian dubbed them, for the corpulent person looked me over
+suspiciously.
+
+"Had any experience?" she broke in.
+
+"One season," I responded.
+
+"Well, you might leave your address," she snapped, and directed me to an
+assistant.
+
+I went back to Miss Burton's friend. Mr. Tom was an Englishman, with the
+manners of a gentleman to commend him if nothing else. He greeted me
+pleasantly and asked me to wait. My heart bounded in anticipation.
+Presently he handed me a letter. I recognized the address upon the
+envelope as that of a prominent manager. I was told to go to his office,
+present the letter and return to report the outcome to the agent. I
+rushed off with my mind in a whirl. Already I was outlining a telegram
+to Will, telling him of my engagement. I began to plan how I should
+remake my last season's dresses to avoid the expense of a new wardrobe.
+Only once before had I gone direct to a manager for an engagement. I
+look back upon the incident I am about to relate with amusement at my
+own expense. To anybody and everybody who is interested in the stage the
+name of Charles Frohman was and still remains a kind of magic. When it
+was determined that the stage was to be my avocation--I use the word
+advisedly, since I had never been taught to look upon any profession in
+the light of a vocation--I came direct to New York with the purpose of
+calling upon Mr. Frohman, and placing my talent at his command. I
+remember I dressed myself carefully. I even powdered my face heavily, to
+give the ear-marks of intimate acquaintance with the make-up box. When I
+entered the office in the Empire Theatre Building, the office boy was
+engaged in pasting newspaper clippings in a scrap-book. A pretty, pert
+girl was type-writing at the other end of the room. The office boy
+looked up enquiringly. I took my courage in both hands.
+
+"Is Mr. Frohman in?" I enquired.
+
+The boy shuffled into the adjoining room. I busied myself by looking at
+the photographs of the actresses which lined the walls; my heart was
+pumping fiercely, but I "acted" the part of a young lady with plenty of
+_savoir faire_. The boy returned, followed by a middle-aged man who
+smiled pleasantly upon me.
+
+"Mr. Frohman?" I ventured.
+
+"Mr. Frohman is not in," he responded with a bland smile.
+
+I was about to enquire when he was expected when I caught the reflection
+of the office boy in a mirror on the wall. He was winking broadly to the
+girl at the typewriter; I felt the blood rising to my face, and I fear I
+made a somewhat confused exit.
+
+Will had many a good laugh over my credulity. I had come all the way
+from an Indiana town to see Mr. Frohman, and there was about as much
+chance of being admitted to his presence as the proverbial camel has of
+slipping through the needle's eye. Needless to say, I never mustered
+sufficient courage to call on Mr. Frohman again.
+
+To-day, however, I was forearmed. The manager to whom I had been
+recommended by the agent sent out word that I was to wait. A half hour
+later I was conducted to his presence. As I entered, he was seated in a
+revolving chair, one foot resting on a small sliding shelf on his desk,
+and a large black cigar in the corner of his mouth. He did not rise,
+but nodded to me and motioned me to the seat opposite. While he read the
+agent's letter he removed his leg from the table and crossed it over the
+other. He was a short, heavy man, with a preponderance of abdomen. He
+had thick, loose lips, and his head was as round and as smooth as a
+billiard ball; his eyes were black and snappy, and threw out as much
+fire as the huge diamond he wore on his little finger.
+
+"Well," he finally said, looking at me and shifting the big cigar to the
+other corner of his mouth, "that reads all right. So you're an
+_ingenue_" (he pronounced it as if it were spelled _on-je-new_), "are
+you?"
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Well, you look the part all right.... How much experience have you
+had?"
+
+"One season on the road with Mr. O'Brien's Company, but of course I've
+played in amateur theatricals for...."
+
+"Voice strong?" he bellowed, tilting himself back in his chair.
+
+"Oh, yes, sir," I responded, using the loud pedal to prove my assertion.
+
+"Don't sound like it."
+
+"Perhaps not now, but--" I hesitated.
+
+"But what?" he queried, smiling indulgently at me.
+
+His smile gave me courage, and I answered truthfully: "Well, I think I'm
+a little scared just now."
+
+"Scared? What of?" He removed his cigar while he spat out an end he had
+been chewing. Then he lighted a match and continued talking. "You don't
+want to be scared of _me_--I'm the easiest thing you ever saw...." Here
+he winked at me. Then for the next minute he puffed at his cigar and
+looked at me. "Stand up," was his next injunction.... "You're not very
+big ... you'll look the part all right."
+
+"What kind of a part is it?" I ventured.
+
+"Didn't Tom tell you about it?... It's a pretty part--one of them
+innocent country maidens that never saw the streets of Cairo--that kind.
+She falls in love with a villain who takes her to the great city, and
+then throws her down--hard. The poor girl's afraid to go back to home
+and mother, and just as she's about to commit suicide a good-natured
+sucker comes along and marries her. It's sympathetic and appealin'--goes
+right to the heart. Can't help but make a hit. Dressin' ain't much, and
+we expect to run all season in New York."
+
+"What's the salary?" meaning to appear business-like.
+
+"Twenty-five in New York, and thirty on the road."
+
+I did not reply, for my mind was making rapid calculations. Twenty-five
+dollars a week, with the prospect of running all season in New York!
+Why, I should be able to pay my own expenses and lay aside a little
+besides.
+
+"That's a good salary," began the manager, taking my silence for
+dissent. "If you make a hit, I'll raise it five. I tell you what I'll
+do: I'll give you a letter to the stage manager. They're rehearsing now.
+The dame we engaged for the part, way last summer, got married on the
+quiet, and has got to retire for family reasons." He winked at me again,
+as he took up his pen. I waited uneasily while he wrote. "Here's the
+letter," he said, moistening the flap of the envelope with his lips.
+"Now, run along and see Mr. Thompson at the Academy. He's the doctor."
+He rose by way of dismissal, and indicated a door other than which I had
+entered. I thanked him and assured him my voice was quite strong.
+
+"You're a pretty little thing," he said as he accompanied me to the
+door. "Pretty little figure ... what d'ye weigh?"
+
+"I don't know really how much, but I think about one hundred and ten
+pounds," I answered with some confusion.
+
+"As much as that? Where do you carry it all?" He ran his fat, stubby
+hands over my shoulders and down about my hips. His smile became a leer.
+Before I could realize what was happening he had taken me in his arms,
+and his heavy, wet lips were pressed against my mouth. His hands played
+over my body, and, though I struggled to cry out and to release myself,
+I was unable to do either. It seemed as if my senses were deserting me;
+then, the muffled bell of the telephone sounded, and he released me.
+
+"Damn that bell," he said. Nauseated with disgust and fright, I cowered
+in the corner; he tried to draw my hands from my face, laughing as he
+whispered: "Like it, like it, do you?" Then with another oath at the
+continued call from the telephone, he crossed to his desk. "Run along
+now," he directed, without a look....
+
+I never knew how I found my way down the stairs to the street. I did not
+wait for the elevator. I saw that people looked at me as I hurried
+along the street--whither I did not ask myself. Only when I collided
+with someone on the stairs did I realize that I had gone straight to the
+agent's office.
+
+"Hello, little lady!" I recognized Miss Burton's voice. "My, we're in a
+hurry! For God's sake, child, what's happened to you? What's the matter?
+You look as if you were going to throw a fit! Here--let's go to a drug
+store."
+
+After a dose of sal volatile, Miss Burton called a hansom and insisted
+on taking me home. I did not want her to accompany me. I wanted to be
+alone. When we were safely in the house I lost all control. She let me
+have my cry out without asking a question. Then, when I was calmer, I
+told her what had happened.
+
+"The old blackguard! The old blackguard! I've heard that about him
+before. Why didn't you hand him one? Why didn't you smack his face?"
+
+"I'll leave that to my husband," I replied with tearful dignity.
+
+Miss Burton contemplated me between violent puffs of her cigarette. Then
+she shook her head. "Um-um, girlie; no, sir ... you mustn't tell your
+husband."
+
+"Why not?" I demanded.
+
+"Well, if you tell your husband, and he's the man I think he is, he'll
+go straight up and knock the old beast down. That will get him in bad;
+this manager is a power and controls a dozen attractions, as well as
+theatres. Your young man may find it difficult to get an engagement in
+the future."
+
+Miss Burton paused to allow the idea to percolate into my brain.
+
+"Then there's another side to it. If you tell your husband and he does
+not go up and knock the fresh gentleman down, you'll despise him for it
+... oh, yes you will! You would not acknowledge it even to yourself,
+but, way down deep in the bottom of your heart, you would never forgive
+your husband for not resenting the insult to you.... Better not tell him
+at all...."
+
+We both were silent for some time. I was struggling with a thousand
+conflicting emotions.
+
+"You see, girlie, you've got an awful lot to learn. You're new to the
+game. That's the reason these things go so hard with you."
+
+"Do you mean that 'these things' are a part--a regular part--of the
+business?" I began, with a burst of resentment. "I don't believe it! I
+can't believe it! I'm sure my experience was exceptional. I know that
+girls who typewrite for a living, clerks and even housemaids have
+unpleasant experiences, for I have read about it in the papers. There
+are bad men in all walks of life. I travelled nearly a whole season
+before I was married, and--"
+
+I stopped short. My mind visualized a situation. When I joined the
+company in which I met my husband I was singled out for marked attention
+by the star. I believed this attention to be a kindly interest in a
+novice. It never occurred to me to question the intent and purpose. I
+was the understudy for the leading woman; the star had told me that I
+had exceptional talent, and with the proper direction I should develop
+into a splendid emotional actress. Quite often we would have private
+rehearsals--sometimes in the theatre, but more often in the star's
+apartment in the hotel. Invariably we rehearsed alone. I was flattered
+and sincerely appreciative of the star's efforts to develop my talent;
+we played scenes from Romeo and Juliet, and my star played Romeo with
+such fervour that I quite forgot my lines. When the star's wife joined
+the company the rehearsals were suspended; it seemed quite natural to me
+that the star wished to devote his time to his wife. She was still a
+beautiful woman, though her face was sad and bore a discontented
+expression. She kept aloof from the Company, and it was said that she
+did not approve of stage-folk, especially the women. I wondered why she
+had married an actor. Later, when Will and I became friends, he
+questioned me about these private rehearsals; then I began to notice
+that he managed to drop in for a call on the star when we rehearsed at
+the hotel, or he would wait about the stage when we were in the theatre.
+This happened frequently as our courtship progressed. I recalled how,
+one day when Will was discovered in the wings, that the star called out
+to him quite irritably, "You were not called for rehearsal, were you,
+Mr. Hartley? You're not needed, and your presence makes Miss Gray
+self-conscious."
+
+Shortly after that Will insisted upon announcing our betrothal to the
+star. I never went to rehearsals unattended after that, and the calls
+became less frequent. Soon they were abandoned altogether. Now, for the
+first time, I understood Will's watchfulness--perhaps I understood why
+the star's wife had so sad a face....
+
+"And what?" Miss Burton repeated after me.
+
+"I was thinking, that was all."
+
+"Girlie, you'll never get on in the show business, unless ... look here,
+I'm going to open your eyes to a few things that may come handy to
+you.... I've been on the stage since I was a kiddie; I was born in it. I
+made my first appearance in my mother's arms, and they say I never
+waited for cues, but yelled right through other people's lines. I grew
+up in railroad trains, hotels and theatres. I was wise to the game
+before I was out of short skirts. Anything I did was done with my eyes
+wide open. I was never stage-struck, like you, and so many fool girls
+who look on acting as a 'divine art.' I had to make my own living, and
+the stage offers a pretty good living if you are willing to play the
+game." Miss Burton looked at me significantly.
+
+"Play the game?" I asked.
+
+"Yes, that's just what I mean.... Virtue and chastity have about as much
+chance in the show-business as that famous little snowball of
+purgatorial fame. I don't know of any other profession where immorality
+is a virtue. I suppose that's what you call a paradox. Virtue and
+success do not go hand in hand in this business--even our mothers
+recognize the truth of the statement and wink at it. Your average stage
+mamma values virtue in the ratio of the advancement its possession
+assures. Let any star or manager cast covetous eyes upon her daughter,
+let her but scent leading lady--or stardom--and she will not only lend
+herself to intrigue but encourage it. She knows the game; she knows that
+a girl, no matter how pretty, how talented, cannot get on in the
+show-business without 'giving up.' She's got to have money or influence,
+or both. I don't know what there is about the stage that brings out the
+baser passions, but I do know that it's rotten to the core. And the
+worst of it is, that the good is sacrificed to the bad. Girls like you
+are drawn to the stage by its illusion and romance. With others, it's
+the looseness, the freedom from restraint that appeals. There never was
+a woman with a screw loose in her moral machinery who didn't hanker for
+the stage. Why? Because it's a convenient place to show goods. Every
+millionaire, every fur-tongued man about town looks upon the women of
+the stage as his legitimate prey. You've only got to mention the fact
+that you are, directly or indirectly, connected with the show-business,
+to lay yourself open to the advances of the male creature who thinks he
+is sporty. You may be as chaste as ice and as pure as snow, but the
+chances are against it, if you are on the stage."
+
+I felt choked with indignation. "I don't believe you, I don't believe
+it's true," I stormed. "Look at such women as--" (I named a number of
+prominent women stars). "They are honoured and respected----"
+
+"You mean their accomplishment, their art is honoured. Each and every
+one of these women has been grist to the mill. Do you suppose that side
+of it ever reaches the public? No, and what's more, it's none of the
+public's business. These women are successful. The price they have paid
+is their own secret. Don't misunderstand me--I'm not sitting in judgment
+on the women of the stage, any more than I would sit in judgment on you
+if you went wrong. I'm telling you the conditions that exist--conditions
+which every woman who enters the theatrical profession has got to face
+sooner or later. You had your first experience to-day...."
+
+It had grown quite dark in the room. Miss Burton got up and moved about
+in the twilight. I almost hated her. I could not prevent myself from
+saying, "Do you think it is nice to befoul your own nest?"
+
+She answered me gently: "You don't understand my motive, girlie. I
+wouldn't say these things to an outsider for anything in the world. Why,
+if a thing like this were to be given to the public, the whole
+theatrical profession would rush into print to deny it. There would be
+an awful noise, but _each and every one of them knows it's the truth_,
+_God's truth_, _and nothing but the truth_." We were again silent. Miss
+Burton sighed heavily.
+
+"You know, girlie, if I were an artist I should like to paint my
+conception of the 'divine art.' The divine art is a soulless procuress;
+she takes your youth, your beauty and your virtue. She saps you dry,
+and, at the first signs of age, she turns you out."
+
+Miss Burton stopped in front of the large photograph of Will which
+adorned the mantel. After a lengthy scrutiny, she said:
+
+"Fine head! Looks as if he would have made a good lawyer."
+
+"He was educated for the law," I answered proudly.
+
+Miss Burton looked out of the window with a far-away look. Then she came
+to me and took both my hands in hers.
+
+"Little girl, why don't you persuade him to give up the stage and go
+back to the law?"
+
+"Because he does not like the law, and because he has a great career as
+an actor ahead of him," I retorted, feeling myself on the verge of
+tears.
+
+After Miss Burton had donned her hat and gloves, and stood with her hand
+on the door-knob, she spoke again:
+
+"I'll see Tom to-morrow, and have him set you right with that old
+beast."
+
+"Set _me_ right!"
+
+"Yes, for not showing up at the Academy. I'll say you got in a trolley
+jam, and when you arrived there they had gone. You can show up bright
+and early to-morrow--don't you intend to take the engagement?"
+
+"Not if I never got another engagement in my life!" I declared, with a
+wave of disgust passing over me.
+
+Miss Burton drew me into her arms and kissed me impulsively: "Stick to
+that, girlie, and God bless you!" and she rushed off....
+
+I didn't sleep much that night. Early the next morning came a telegram
+from Will, saying he expected to be home on Sunday. His Company was to
+"lay off" and rehearse two weeks, preparatory to "the assault" on
+Broadway, as he expressed it. The knowledge that I should soon feel his
+arms around me acted like a tonic. My resentment against Miss Burton
+gave way to pity. Why were not all husbands and wives as much in love
+with each other as were Will and I?
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III
+
+
+The boy Hamlet failed to attract the public. After two weeks on Broadway
+the notice went up. The Company was to reorganize, which, in this
+instance, meant reducing expenses--and "back to the woods." Will agreed
+to double the King with the Ghost for a small rise of salary and the
+condition that I be added to the roster. In return for my railroad fares
+I played one of the strolling players and the Player-Queen. The Company
+made one night stands only; we made early and long jumps to
+out-of-the-way towns, which Will declared were not on the map. The
+hotels were often so bad that we were driven to patronizing the village
+grocer, and to supplement our meals with chafing-dish messes. Through
+rain, snow and slush we plodded our way to the railroad stations;
+sometimes there was a hack and the women rode back and forth. The
+theatres were cold and the dressing-rooms filthy. The stage entrance
+invariably gave upon a foul-smelling alley, and a penetrating draught
+swept the stage when the curtain was up. Once, after Will in the
+character of the King had been killed by Hamlet and lay dead upon the
+stage, he sneezed explosively. The audience appeared to enjoy the
+situation. But, in spite of the physical discomforts and the stultifying
+grind, we were happy--we were together.
+
+By the end of the season we had saved almost three hundred dollars. Then
+Will played a few weeks with a summer stock company--a "summer snap," as
+it is termed--and in the autumn we were able to make a stand for the
+much-desired joint engagement.
+
+When the Company gathered at the railroad station bound for a city of
+the middle West, it more resembled a family party than a theatrical
+organization. The manager himself played a part, and his wife was the
+lady villain. The comedienne and the stage carpenter were man and wife,
+and the leading lady--a girl not much older than I--was chaperoned by
+her mother. Will was the leading man and I the ingenue. There was the
+prospect of a pleasant season ahead. I smiled a little contemptuously
+when I thought of Miss Burton's terrible arraignment of the stage. She
+had been unfortunate in her association, that was all, I told myself.
+
+The comedienne and I shared dressing-rooms. She was a beautiful woman
+with a strain of Latin blood. I loved her from the first moment I met
+her. I was disappointed in her husband; her superior breeding and
+education caused me to wonder at her choice. Later, when I better
+understood the needs of the woman, I grew to like him; he was
+clean-minded and sincere--virtues I later discovered to be rare ones
+among actors.
+
+It was about the second week of the season when our family party first
+showed signs of incompatibility. There had been some gossip connecting
+the leading lady's name with that of the manager, but as she was
+protected by her mother it appeared to me ridiculous and unwarranted.
+One night, as the curtain fell on the first act, the manager's wife
+ordered the leading lady's mother out of the wings. Immediately there
+followed a war of high-pitched voices which penetrated the walls of our
+aerial dressing-room. The curtain was held and the orchestra played its
+third overture.
+
+During the wait Margherita, my dressing-room mate, told me the
+circumstances of the case. The leading lady's mother was the "friend" of
+the "angel" of the Company; in this capacity she assumed privileges
+which were galling to the manager's wife. Adding to this the fact that
+her husband was too obviously interested in the leading lady, the
+outbreak was not to be wondered at. The manager himself was one of those
+round, flabby men, suggestive of a fat, spineless worm. Physique is
+often coindicant of character.
+
+This night the mother had been more obnoxious than usual. It was her
+habit to stand in the wings while the manager's wife was on the scene,
+and by petty distractions to goad the actress to expression.
+
+Gradually members of the Company were drawn into the dissension; it was
+an intolerable situation. Our sympathies were with the manager's wife,
+but we diplomatically held aloof. Matters finally reached a climax. One
+night during the performance there was a stage wait. In vain Will and
+the heavy man filled in the hiatus. The manager's wife had surprised the
+leading lady in the arms of her husband somewhere behind the scenes, and
+thereupon slapped the girl's face. A moment later she came upon the
+stage to play her "big" scene; she was labouring under great emotion,
+and I thought she had never acted so well. In a speech to me (I played
+her daughter)--it was part of the stage business that I take her hand in
+mine; I am not sure that I did not press her hand in silent sympathy.
+She drew me towards her; in another moment the lady villain was sobbing
+in my arms, and there was an emotional storm not indicated in the
+manuscript of the author. I led her up stage as the house fairly rose to
+her splendid acting. When the storms of applause had died away we went
+on with the scene as if nothing had happened.
+
+I wonder why it is that women invariably punish their own sex and exempt
+the man? Do they instinctively demand a higher code of honour from their
+kind while meekly acquiescent to the conventional license for men?
+
+Subsequently the "angel" joined the Company, and, to all appearances, an
+adjustment was reached. For a time peace was restored. The leading lady
+assumed an air of injured innocence, and left off rouging her cheeks to
+heighten the effect. Then, suddenly--or gradually, I never realized how
+it came about--it became obvious to all that the leading lady was
+"making a play" for Will. Her attentions became so marked that the men
+of the Company chaffed him about it, declaring the manager would
+presently challenge him to mortal combat, or--and what was more
+likely--discharge him from the Company. Will accepted their allusions in
+good part, but I observed the subject was distasteful to him. To me he
+called the woman "a little fool," and was irritated with being placed in
+so ridiculous a position. Indeed I think Will suffered as much as I did.
+Without being rude or boorish, there was nothing he could do to check
+her advances. She was planning her _debut_ as a star the following
+season, and made Will a proposition to become her leading man; she
+consulted him concerning the new plays which were being submitted to
+her, and planned for the current season special matinees of classic
+plays with which Will was familiar. She called him to preliminary
+rehearsal and discussions in her rooms at the hotel; sometimes, between
+the acts of the performance, called him to her dressing-room, where she
+received him in a state of _neglige_. New bits of stage business were
+introduced, or the old elaborated; she would run her fingers through
+his hair, or prolong the kisses which the role demanded; or, in his
+embrace, she would draw her body close to his and writhe about him to a
+point of indecency. In countless, intangible ways she brought her
+blandishments to bear upon him. Will declared she was playing him
+against the manager, whose relations with her had become strained since
+his wife had interfered. In all things she was aided and abetted by her
+mother, who fawned on Will and made his position the more equivocal. My
+own emotions were confused; it was inconceivable that I should be
+jealous of the woman. No, the sensation she aroused was nothing more
+than disgust. To be jealous of my husband connoted a lack of faith, and
+he had done nothing to betray my trust in him.
+
+Jealousy had always appeared to me a debasing and an undignified
+emotion.... I resented the position in which my husband was placed; I
+would not add to his discomfiture by hectoring. I had promised myself
+when I married that never should I be jealous when I saw my husband
+making stage-love to another woman--perhaps in the back of my mind was
+the hope that I should always be the other woman, his leading lady.
+Nevertheless, I was determined to stand the test without flinching. It
+was high time that I began to realize that the conditions which
+confronted me were but a part of the game--the _game_! The word was
+reminiscent of Miss Burton. I fought down the suggestion blindly,
+passionately.... I began to dread going to the theatre; often, while I
+was making up, I found Margherita's eyes fastened wistfully upon
+me--they told how she longed to comfort me. Unhappily I could not talk
+about the thing which was troubling me. What was there to say? There are
+emotions which never find tangible expression. Then the idea of asking
+my husband to resign from the Company suggested itself. I endeavoured to
+look at the question from a material standpoint: it would not be easy to
+find another engagement in mid-season, besides, there were the expensive
+railroad fares back to New York--we were then touring California--and
+probably another separation....
+
+Perhaps it was the strain of hard travel, or it may have been the
+certainty of my condition which I had heretofore only suspected, or a
+combination of both, which made me lose my self-control. I had always
+believed strongly in the influence of suggestion upon the unborn child,
+and the unclean atmosphere in which I was living preyed upon my mind
+until it became an obsession. I grew to hate the woman and her
+witch-like mother. We had had some racking railroad jumps, and the loss
+of sleep was telling on every member of the Company; the leading lady
+was stimulating on champagne. Her mother stood in the wings, bottle and
+glass in hand, and applied the restorative whenever the girl came off
+the stage. One night, under the influence of the wine, she became more
+brazen in her advances to Will; she took liberties which made even her
+mother, watching in the wings, gasp with amusement. Something she said
+_sotto voce_ to her mother reached my ears. I began to watch her. As the
+act progressed she elaborated the detail with ever-increasing audacity,
+and, when the action required her to throw herself in Will's arms, she
+flung me a look of laughing defiance, coincident with a broad wink to
+her mother--old Hecate of the wings--then fed upon his lips like a
+vampire sucking blood.
+
+I am not sure that I responded to the cue which some seconds later
+brought her into my arms. (We were fellow Nihilists under arrest.) The
+contact of her hand against mine ... Will told me afterwards he would
+never have believed me possessed of such physical strength. I choked
+her.... I drove my nails into her flesh.... I dragged her to the wings
+and beat her with my fists.... I vented upon her the long pent-up
+fury.... Oh, the shame, the ignominy of it! I, who resented a vicious
+influence upon my unborn child--I, its mother, had descended to the
+level of a fishwife!... It was Margherita who brought me back to
+consciousness; it was she who restored to me a modicum of my
+self-respect. I believe she was secretly pleased at what I had done.
+
+That night, as she sat beside my bed, she told me something of herself.
+As a young girl she possessed a wonderful singing voice. Her
+parents--poor Italians--who came to America when she was a babe in arms,
+could not afford proper masters. She went on the stage to support
+herself, hoping to earn enough to pay for her musical education. Her
+beauty attracted a patron "of the arts"; at least, that is the way he
+was referred to in the newspapers. But it was not Margherita's art that
+he cared about--it was the woman. He considered his money a fair
+exchange for her body; Margherita was not willing to pay the price. She
+struggled on, and one day, after several years of hazardous existence,
+she found herself stranded in a far Western city without money, without
+friends. In a state of despondency she had walked to the outskirts of
+the town, and there in a lonely wood she sat down to fight out a choice
+between life and death. In a moment of emotion she burst forth into
+song; her troubled soul found solace in Gounod's _Ave Maria_. At the end
+her voice broke, and she sobbed. A hand was laid on her shoulder. It was
+a big hand, strong and sinewy. The man that went with it was big--"big
+all the way through," Margherita said proudly. They were married not
+long after; ever since he had remained at her side, helping to fight for
+a clean career ... making her life's work his.... Dear Margherita! I can
+see you now, with your glorious black eyes, your coronet of raven hair
+with the poppies over your pretty ear.... Oh, the pity of it! Weakened
+by the hardships and privation her life entailed, she died a few years
+later....
+
+When Will came into the room that night, he held a paper in his hand. It
+was our resignation. His eyes twinkled with humour when he told
+Margherita that he was taking the bull by the horns, and sparing us the
+ignominy of dismissal. I was glad to see he was not angry with me. Then
+Margherita whispered something into his ear. He came to the bed and took
+me in his arms, and what he said concerns only a man and wife....
+Margherita stole away, but before she went she kissed us both, and there
+were tears in her eyes.
+
+On the way back to New York, Will and I sat hand in hand looking out at
+the monotonous stretch of desert-land. "I'm glad to have it over--I'm
+glad that's out of our life," he reiterated, pressing my hand. "It was
+rotten!" Suddenly he burst out laughing. He continued long and
+sonorously. "Do you know, girlie," he said, "do you know that with a
+little more fullness of figure and a pair of two-inch heels, you'd make
+a grand Lady Macbeth? Phew!" and he laughed again.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV
+
+
+The question of bearing children had given me many a bad hour. My
+husband felt that the coming of a child, at the outset of his career,
+would be a burden and a handicap; once he was established and could
+afford to maintain a home, it would be time enough, he declared. He felt
+that, at best, children born and reared in the theatrical profession
+were the victims of unnatural conditions. It was not practicable to
+carry a young child about the country, and, if left behind, to the care
+of either relatives or hired attendants, the child was robbed of its
+natural protection. Obviously I must make up my mind to separate from
+one or the other--my child or my husband--until the little one was old
+enough to travel.
+
+Here arose another knotty problem. Children are little human sponges;
+they absorb the atmosphere of their environment. A stage-child is no
+more immune to the vicious influences about it than to a scarlet-fever
+germ. Should I then be willing to expose my child to dangers of more
+far-reaching consequences than physical ailments, and at a time of life
+when character is formed? My husband and I discussed these problems at
+length, and finally concluded that, since the inevitable had happened,
+the wisest course was to make the best of it. How many children, I
+wonder, are conceived in the same spirit? How many births the result of
+accident? How few planned with the wish to bestow the best of one's
+flesh and spirit upon the little stranger? Can the influence of
+unwelcome conception upon the child itself ever be computed? May not
+criminal tendencies and moral delinquencies be traced to such a source?
+If, at the beginning, I were guilty of misdirected sentiment, I set
+myself to right the wrong as the weeks grew into months. I no longer
+chafed at separation; I lived in a kind of spiritual exaltation. My
+plans and dreams of the future were now transferred to the coming of my
+child.
+
+Will was so fortunate as to secure another engagement almost
+immediately. His success led to the opportunity he most desired, and in
+the early autumn he played his first engagement as leading man of a New
+York production. The Company opened out of town; in theatrical parlance
+this is what they call "trying it on the dog."
+
+Our boy was born during Will's absence. It must have been very hard for
+Will to have the nervous strain of a first night's performance and the
+worry of my illness at the same time. I had gone to the hospital alone.
+Will had made the arrangements before he left town. He said he would
+feel better if he knew I was in skilled hands and not at the mercies of
+a lodginghouse-keeper. It seemed cruel to be alone at such a time. I
+cried a little when the big, cheery nurse held my boy for me to kiss....
+I wanted Will's arms around me as I had never longed for them before--or
+after.... The little chap had black hair like Will's, and his forehead
+bulged in the same way. I had always admired Will's forehead....
+
+Baby was six weeks old when his father first saw him. I laughed when he
+held the boy in his arms--he appeared so awkward. After a successful New
+York opening, the play settled down for a run. We moved from our
+furnished room to an apartment. Will found it difficult to sleep with a
+crying baby in the same room. With the coming of the child, and the
+"front" Will's new position demanded, it was hard to make both ends
+meet; for a long time I did the housework except the washing, but when
+my health began to fail Will made me hire a servant.
+
+Will was very fond of our little boy. Even as a small baby, the child
+showed his preference for his father; he would stop crying the moment he
+heard Will's voice. Indeed, I believe that when temptation lured him in
+her most attractive form it was the child who held him close to me.
+
+Temptation there was plenty; his success had been unqualified. The
+critics hailed him as a young man with a great future. His pictures
+began to appear in the magazines and in the pictorial supplements of the
+Sunday papers. He joined an actors' club, where he dined on matinee
+days. Will's family developed a pride in him, hitherto carefully
+suppressed. They had shown decided disapproval of our marriage when it
+became expedient to announce it to them. My introduction to the family,
+during the week our late-lamented Company had played Will's home city,
+was strained and unsatisfactory. Now, however, the sight of the family
+name in print gave unalloyed joy to Will's father, who collected
+newspaper clippings for Will's scrap-book with more zeal than did Will
+himself. Will said this sudden interest reminded him of a story he had
+heard at the club. It ran like this:
+
+A handsome young Irishman of humble parentage had long yearned for the
+footlights. Unable longer to restrain himself, he confided his ambitions
+to his mother. Now, the old lady was an ardent church-goer, and looked
+upon the stage as a quick chute to perdition.
+
+"Jimmie, Jimmie, me boy! To think you'd want to be an actor! To think
+you'd want to bring shame on your old mother, this disgrace on your dead
+father's good name!"
+
+The old lady rocked herself to and fro in her grief. In vain Jimmie
+endeavoured to soothe her. Finally the idea occurred to him.
+
+"But, mither, mither, darlin'," he caressed, "I'll not bring disgrace on
+your name--you know actors always change their names when they go on the
+stage, and no one will ever know who I am."
+
+The old lady stopped her moaning and was silent for a moment.
+
+"But, Jimmie," she protested, "Jimmie, supposin' you became a gr-r-e-at
+mon, supposin' you became a great lion, with your pictures in all the
+papers--and adornin' the fences ... then, Jimmie, how'll they know
+you're me son?" ...
+
+It was at a matinee that I first saw Will in his new part. It was the
+first time since our marriage that I had not heard his lines or helped
+him with his costumes. He had told me all about the play, and I knew the
+cue for his first entrance almost as well as he himself. My heart
+thumped so hard and fast I feared my neighbour would guess who I was.
+His entrance was greeted with a burst of gloved applause, accompanied
+with such exclamations as, "There he is!" "Isn't he a love!" ... "Just
+wait until you see how he can make love!" I confess I hardly knew
+whether to be proud, or indignant. The familiarity with which they
+discussed him grated on me; I resented the proprietary tone. Then I
+smiled at my silliness, for I realized that this very interest made for
+popularity, the most valuable of the actor's assets. I listened to the
+gush of the matinee girls, and their discussion of the private lives of
+theatrical people with a good deal of amusement.
+
+Coming out of the theatre, I heard one woman ask another whether Will
+was married. I wondered what difference that would make in his
+popularity.
+
+After the matinee I went back to Will's dressing-room. Will had planned
+what he called a little junket. We were to dine together at a
+restaurant--a pleasure we could not often afford. While Will washed up I
+told him the nice things I had overheard. I predicted he would become a
+veritable matinee idol--a term which he scorned. There were some letters
+lying on his make-up table. I picked them up idly; Will followed my
+action.
+
+"Read them," he said. "You'll be amused. They are my first mash-notes."
+There was so much roguishness in his smile that I laughed back at him.
+Some of the letters were innocent enough, written in girlish hand, with
+requests for autographs and autographed photographs. One or two asked
+Will's advice about going on the stage, and there was one from a
+tooth-powder firm, wanting the right to use Will's picture in which his
+teeth showed. There was one--a violet-scented note on fine linen,
+written in the large loose vertical scrawl so much affected by smart
+women--without signature. It ran as follows:
+
+     "If you will pardon this somewhat unconventional method of making
+     your acquaintance, my dear Mr. Hartley, I shall be most happy to
+     have you join me at tea, after the matinee, at Sherry's (other
+     drinkables not excluded). I was present at the opening night of
+     your play, and was quite carried away by your splendid acting.
+     Where _did_ you learn to make love? I have occupied the right hand
+     proscenium box every Saturday matinee since the opening. Isn't that
+     a proof of my devotion? Do I flatter myself that I have caught your
+     eye once or twice as the curtain falls? I invariably dress in black
+     and wear gardenias. If you are interested, you will have no
+     difficulty in identifying me. For family reasons I withhold my name
+     for the present. Do come, Mr. Hartley."
+
+As I folded the letter and replaced it in its cover, I recalled that
+Will _had_ glanced towards the right hand proscenium box several times.
+
+"I think I'll put you on a car and send you home," began Will, but
+something in his voice belied his words, and I made him an impudent
+_moue_. "How do you like being married to a matinee idol?" Will asked,
+giving the final touch to his dress.
+
+I did not reply; I was asking myself the same question.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V
+
+
+Will made friends easily. Perhaps it were better to use the word
+"acquaintances." At any rate it was not long until he received more
+invitations than he could accept. He was called on to give his services
+for charitable purposes, but I noticed these hostesses never received
+him in their homes. It must be said that Will rarely accepted an
+invitation which did not include me, though I often realized I was
+invited as a necessary evil. After supper the guests invariably played
+poker, and I knew nothing about cards. The late hours sapped my
+strength, and my boy always wakened early in the morning. Sometimes the
+suppers were held at a well-known restaurant, like Rector's or Martin's.
+I had not the proper clothes for such occasions; it was imperative that
+Will dressed well, and I did not want it said that his wife was shabby.
+The other women wore wonderful gowns and much jewellery.
+
+After a winter's round of these parties, I was able to distinguish one
+particular set from another. There is a smart set, a fast set and a
+loose set which, though none of them can be said to be strictly "in
+society," form a kind of brass-band appendage or fringe to it and differ
+one from the other only in their gradations--or degradations--of moral
+laxness. It is the loose set to which the actor is drawn, or inclines.
+One finds in this particular stratum the artist, the journalist, the
+divorcee and semi-detached woman whose name is legion. The lady who
+maintains a handsome apartment and entertains lavishly is probably a
+"kept" woman with an ambiguous past. Occasionally one finds a multiple
+divorcee with money, playing at patroness to some impecunious
+song-writer or handsome actor with more brawn than brain. But the "kept"
+lady predominates. She is ubiquitous. She dresses a la mode, she is an
+habituee of the smart restaurants, an inveterate first-nighter. Her
+"particular friend" may be a married man of the "my
+wife-don't-understand-me" brand, or he may be one of the "get-rich-quick
+floaters" who joyride across the financial horizon into oblivion. It is
+to this set the stall-fed woman of the leisure class turns to whet her
+jaded appetite. And a hostess' Sunday AT HOME is highly suggestive of
+the "obit" of a Town Topics. Individually and collectively they are
+rotten. Mistaking the sex-heat aroused and stimulated by cocktails and
+other alcoholic beverages for real love and passion, they wallow in the
+erotic mire to their heart's content. Nobody criticizes; nobody cares;
+the faster the pace the greater the joy.
+
+It was upon this subject that my husband and I encountered our first
+real rift. He had commented rather flippantly on the moral tone of a
+recent supper party. We fell to discussing the players' status in
+society. I had observed that with one or two notable exceptions the
+actor is not received by "our best people." To be sure there are a few
+cities outside of New York where quite respectable families, bored by
+the drab routine of conventional society, entertain the actor as a kind
+of _sauce piquante_ to their monotonous lives. But this is the exception
+and not the rule. Wholly misinterpreting my motive, Will defended his
+profession with a blind prejudice. After that he did not ask me to
+accompany him to the various functions. It became quite a common thing
+for him to telephone me from the Club that he would not be home until
+late that night. I was sorry that I had expressed myself so plainly to
+Will; if only I could make him understand that I wanted him to be true
+to the best that was in him.... It hurt me to hear him speak lightly of
+the women with whom he associated, and still continue to go among them.
+
+Miss Burton was now a frequent visitor at our home. She adored the boy
+and never failed to bring him a present when she came. She took upon
+herself to lecture me for not going out with Will, declaring I was
+spoiling him, and that I would make him selfish. I thought over what she
+said, and resolved that I would go with Will when next he asked me. Also
+I began to formulate a little circle of my own. There was a sculptor to
+whom I was particularly attracted. He was a Western product, and was
+preparing to go abroad to study. I had always had a fondness for
+sculpture, and during my enforced retirement I amused myself at moulding
+with clay. A baby's hand I had made attracted his attention one day he
+had called on Will. He advised me to continue my efforts. Miss Burton
+sent me a wonderful outfit and I took up my work of sculpturing in
+earnest. My sculptor friend brought other friends with him, and it
+became a regular thing for me to receive my friends on Sunday afternoon.
+I saw that Will enjoyed my little parties, though they were simple and I
+made no pretensions.
+
+One day--it was at Christmas time--Miss Burton sent me a beautiful gown;
+with the package came a characteristic note: she begged me to accept the
+gown and not to feel hurt, that she was dead broke and could not afford
+to make me a "decent" Christmas present. The gown, she said, had been
+spoiled by the dressmaker, who had made it much too tight, and it would
+make her happy if I would accept it with her love....
+
+It was so pretty--all creamy white and fluffy, and there were little
+pink flowers scattered over the net. I put it on ... and, as I looked at
+myself in the mirror, I felt quite pleased with the reflection. White
+was always becoming to me.... I did not tell Will about my present, but
+the next time he casually mentioned an invitation to dinner I accepted
+with an alacrity which surprised him.
+
+When Sunday came, I dressed with the excitement of a conspirator, and
+when Will called me to help him with his tie I walked into his room
+with an air of unconcern worthy of a star. Will was delighted with my
+appearance.
+
+When we entered the house of our hostess I no longer felt the desire to
+hide myself; instead, I felt quite mistress of myself. It's wonderful
+what a difference clothes will make in one's feelings. Miss Burton told
+me once that, whenever she was down on her luck and felt depressed, she
+forthwith went on a sartorial debauch. She bought everything in sight.
+Her new clothes re-established her self-respect, and somehow, some way,
+a good engagement came along and helped her to pay for her prodigality.
+
+We were a little late in arriving, and when I came down from the
+bedroom, where I had left my wrap, the second round of cocktails was
+being passed. Will was standing at the foot of the stairs talking with
+his hostess. A large nude figure carrying softly shaded lights decorated
+the newel-post, and screened me from view of the woman who was talking
+to Will.
+
+"You handsome dog!" I heard her say. "What have you been doing to Alice?
+She's gone clean off her head--threatens to leave her husband, and is
+drinking like a fish!"
+
+"I haven't done anything," Will began, but at that moment our hostess
+saw me and nudged Will, who joined me and we entered the drawing-room.
+
+I felt Will's questioning eyes on my face, but I did not look at him;
+instead, I gave my hand rather impulsively to my sculptor friend who was
+standing alone, and I did not notice the returning pressure until my
+wedding ring cut into the flesh, and made me wince. I was wondering who
+"Alice" could be and what Will had to do with her. Our hostess's
+"friend" was present. He was a middle-aged man with a ruddy complexion,
+iron gray hair and a closely cropped moustache. I had once seen him at
+the Horse Show in one of the boxes, and he had been pointed out to me as
+a prominent railroad man. He greeted Will noisily.
+
+"Hello, Hartley," he yelled, "you're late on your cue. I suppose you
+wanted to make an effective entrance!"
+
+At the table I sat next to the sculptor; on my other hand was a dentist
+who had leaped into fame by having been expelled from a certain European
+country where he had set up a successful practice. A _liaison_ with the
+wife of a man close to the throne had led to his downfall, and he had
+returned to his native land to be received with open arms by the set in
+which we were now travelling. He had a face such as I imagined Moliere
+conceived for his Tartuffe; his voice was caressing and made me sleepy.
+Opposite me sat a well-known star. He was famous for his magnetism.
+Although I could not discern it, there must have existed something of
+the sort, for every leading woman who engaged with him, sooner or later,
+succumbed to his charm. I myself knew of one girl whose life was almost
+ruined when he took up with another woman who had joined his Company to
+play a special engagement. This girl was one of the prettiest I ever
+saw; she was "chaperoned" by a complaisant mother. This irresistible
+gentleman was married, but his wife refused to live with him and made
+her home abroad. For the sake of the children she refused to divorce
+him.
+
+A comic opera singer sat beside the hostess. The dentist, assuming that
+I knew the situation, asked me, _sotto voce_, how long I thought it
+would be before "papa took a tumble to himself." When I confessed my
+inability to follow him, he proceeded to enlighten me. The hostess was
+infatuated with the singer, who was as poor as Job's turkey, and while
+her protector was absent--(he was married and had several grown
+children)--the lady consoled herself with song. This easy,
+matter-of-fact way in which these topics were discussed, the utter lack
+of restraint between the sexes, no longer shocked me. I was on the point
+of asking my purveyor of illicit news whether he could tell me who Alice
+was; instead, I turned to the bored man at my right, and by degrees I
+got him to tell me of his ambitions, his work and his ideas of life. I
+found we had much in common.
+
+While we were talking, there was a noisy argument going on at the other
+end of the table.
+
+"I wouldn't stand it for one minute!" rang out the voice of our hostess,
+and I saw her shoot a meaning glance at the singer.
+
+"Ask an actor's wife! Ask Mrs. Hartley!" bellowed the host. "Mrs.
+Hartley?"
+
+"Yes?" I responded, not knowing the subject of conversation.
+
+"Pardon me for interrupting so interesting a conversation, won't you,
+Calhoun," he said, addressing my sculptor friend with exaggerated
+courtesy. "I'll give her back to you in a minute.... Mrs. Hartley, the
+ladies want to know how it feels to watch your husband make love to
+another woman?"
+
+I caught Will's eye. At another time I should have been embarrassed.
+To-night, however, I felt a strange self-control.
+
+"Oh dear, what an old chestnut!" I answered flippantly. "I believe
+that's the nine hundred and ninety-ninth time I've answered that
+question this season." I noticed that my voice took on a bored tone.
+
+"Well, tell us!" urged mine host.
+
+"To tell the truth," I began, "I never give it a thought."
+
+Will's eyes twinkled; he was seated at the far end of the table between
+two stall-feds.
+
+"It's a part of the business," I continued, "just as dictating to his
+typewriter is a part of the routine of a business man. Does every wife
+suspect her husband's stenographer?"
+
+"Yes! yes!" came the chorus from the curvilinear gentlemen at the other
+end of the table.
+
+I shrugged my shoulders. "Very well, then, it seems to me, since you
+gentlemen won't behave, that it is up to the women to see that you do!"
+I sat down. I felt ashamed of my vulgarity. Our host suggested a toast
+and scrambled to his feet. "Here's to our wives and sweethearts--may
+they never meet!"
+
+There was more laughter. The dentist murmured something about moss-grown
+jokes, and the hostess asked why husbands and lovers were excluded. I
+felt my mouth drawing down at the corners, and I buried my lips in the
+American Beauty rose the sculptor had purloined from the centre-piece.
+
+It was probably the frequent replenishing of the wine glasses which led
+the doctor-dentist to level all his batteries of fascination upon me. He
+moved nearer and closer, until even the hostess noticed his efforts; she
+thought it funny. Finally, he slipped his hand beneath the table and let
+it rest upon my knee. I arose and asked the sculptor to exchange seats
+with me. I think he understood, for as I passed him he said to me in a
+low, intense tone, "Is that beast annoying you?" I did not answer. In my
+confusion I upset a glass of wine, and the wine-agent across the table
+told me he was sorry I didn't like his wine.
+
+As the dinner progressed some spicy stories were exchanged. The time we
+lingered at the table seemed interminable. Mr. Calhoun told me I should
+take a drink of brandy, for I was growing quite pale. He could not, of
+course, realize that at that moment I had suddenly noticed that Will's
+companion was dressed all in black and wore gardenias. A moment later
+the hostess had called her "Alice." ... She leered at Will with
+wine-shot eyes, her breath coming in quick, short gasps, and I noticed
+that his right and her left hand were under the table....
+
+As we left the table I had asked Mr. Calhoun what time it was. When he
+told me it was after eleven I ran quickly up the stairs to the room
+where I had seen a telephone. It was my habit to awaken my boy at
+half-after nine every night to give him nourishment. He was put to bed
+at five o'clock, and the period between that and morning was too long to
+go without food. I wanted to ask my maid whether she had remembered my
+instructions. The telephone was in a kind of closet off the hostess's
+bedroom; beyond the bedroom was her boudoir, reached by a door from the
+corridor. I had finished with my message, and was about to go
+downstairs, where the singing had begun, when I heard someone enter the
+boudoir beyond. I stopped and drew back, why, I do not know. A moment
+later there were footsteps on the stairs, and Will entered the room. He
+came quickly and began speaking at once.
+
+"My dear Alice," he said, "this thing can't go on. You are making a fool
+of me and of yourself. The first thing you know your husband will get on
+to it and there will be the devil to pay!"
+
+"That's right! Make it harder for me," the woman answered. "Why do you
+always bring my husband into the conversation? You know how it is
+between us. We haven't lived as man and wife for years. He's never
+understood me and I can't go on with him any longer. I won't--that's
+all!"
+
+There was a pause before Will spoke again.
+
+"Come on, don't go on like that; everybody will know what's happened.
+You'll spoil your eyes."
+
+Another pause. I think these silences were the hardest to bear....
+
+"You had no right to let it go this far if you didn't care," the woman
+went on resentfully.
+
+"This far? How do you mean? There has been nothing that you need be
+ashamed of--nothing that you couldn't tell your husband if it came
+right down to it," answered Will.
+
+The woman laughed angrily. "Is that so? I suppose you count a few motor
+rides and a few suppers on the side nothing. I suppose you wouldn't mind
+telling your wife that you had held me in your arms and kissed my eyes
+and my hair...."
+
+"Good Heavens! neither of us meant anything wrong! We were just carried
+away for a few minutes--you're a fascinating devil--and the wine helped
+some.... Now, don't do that, don't do any of that foolish business with
+me...."
+
+What was she doing, I wondered? Did she intend to kill him or kill
+herself? I almost started to Will's rescue, then--she laughed.
+
+"Powder your nose and let's go down. Somebody will notice our absence."
+
+Evidently she obeyed, for there was another pause.
+
+"You needn't worry about your wife," she said. "The giant from the West
+is keeping her busy. Better keep your eye on him."
+
+Will did not reply. My eardrums seemed on the point of bursting from the
+surging of the blood to my head.
+
+They came out into the corridor. At the head of the steps she stopped.
+
+"I suppose it amuses you to make women love you," she said.
+
+"My dear woman, you don't love me; I don't flatter myself to that
+extent."
+
+She laughed sneeringly.
+
+Would they never go?
+
+"Kiss me good-night and good-bye," she half whispered.
+
+"This is the last one," he answered, "the last, remember."
+
+There was a stifled cry as she clung to him, and I saw Will release
+himself and run down the steps. A few minutes later she followed. I
+found my way down the servants' stairs and entered the dining-room from
+the butler's pantry. When Will came to look for me I was drinking brandy
+frappee with the wine merchant.... That night I slept on a couch beside
+my boy's crib.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI
+
+
+After that memorable dinner party things were never quite the same
+between Will and me. I am sure, however, that Will was unconscious of
+the fact. He went about as usual. At this juncture Boy came down with
+scarlet-fever. The enforced quarantine acted as a bar to any intimacy
+between my husband and me. I welcomed the isolation. My feelings had not
+yet recovered from the bruise I had received. How many times I had
+re-lived the scene to which I had been an unwilling eavesdropper! I
+blamed myself for not at once having made my presence known. I excused
+myself on the ground that to have done so would have placed Will in a
+ridiculous and embarrassing situation. For some inexplicable reason the
+idea of embarrassing my husband was repugnant to me. My resentment was
+concentrated against the woman. I felt sure she was to blame. I invented
+all kinds of excuses for Will and at the same time I recognized that
+they were pure inventions. I could not bring myself to kiss my
+husband--at least, not for a long, long time. His arms no longer
+connoted a haven. How utterly wretched I was--how lonely and
+heart-hungry! Only a fierce struggle with my self-respect kept me from
+throwing myself into my husband's arms and crying out my hurt against
+his breast.
+
+After Boy had recovered, Will one day remarked that I was looking tired.
+He said I was stopping indoors too closely--would I not accompany him to
+a little ... I tingled all over my body. I dared not trust myself to
+look at him. Instead I forced a smile and shook my head in negation.
+
+"I reckon you don't like the bunch," he quizzed.
+
+"I fear I'm not even a little bit of a sport," I answered.
+
+He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. The glance was
+characteristic of Will. Often I had seen this same expression when some
+one had recognized him on the street or in a restaurant. It was a
+curious blend of boyish self-consciousness and exaggerated unconcern.
+
+With the coming of summer began the annual hunt for an engagement. A
+walk along that part of Broadway known as the Rialto during the early
+months of the heated term leaves the impression that there has been a
+lock-out of the whole theatrical profession. Actors block the corners
+and hem the sidewalks. The supply far exceeds the demand. Year after
+year they make the weary rounds of the agencies. Season follows season
+with but a few weeks' employment for many of them. One wonders that the
+impermanency of his profession does not drive the actor to other
+vocations--perhaps "trades" were the better word, since the rank and
+file are better adapted to plumbing than to acting. The microbe which
+infects the actor is as deadly in its effect as the Tsi-tsi fly. It
+produces an exaggerated ego from which the victim never recovers. The
+only palliative is the lime-light. Retirement from the stage is never
+permanent. Farewell tours of prominent players, like the brook, go on
+forever. It is the spirit of make-believe with which the actor is
+saturated which leads him to make a front even to his confreres. "Signed
+for next season?" one overhears, edging one's way through the crowd.
+
+"No, not yet--I've had several good offers, but not just what I want.
+I'm in no hurry," and he twirls his cane with a nonchalant air, though
+he may not have the price of next week's board-bill. And so it goes, ad
+infinitum. His is the kingdom of bluff.
+
+Will was one of the fortunates. After several weeks of haggling over
+salary, he was engaged by "America's foremost producer." The actor of
+established position--"established" being a mere figure of speech, since
+at best the actor's position is an aleatory one--those of prominence
+usually demand to read the play before signing a contract. In this
+instance Will waived this privilege. Absolute secrecy was maintained as
+to the character of the play. The reason for this lay in the fact that
+the manager was at war with the Theatrical Syndicate. His grievances he
+had made known to the public. As a lone, solitary Saint George of _art_,
+fighting the monster dragon, _commercialism_, he made a "play" for the
+public's sympathy--and won it.
+
+The momentous question of employment disposed of, we started for our
+summer holiday. It was Will's first idea to go to a village on Nantucket
+Island. Here a group of more or less successful actor-folk had
+established a summer colony. Some of them owned comfortable bungalows
+or were in the throes of buying them. After maturer deliberation Will
+concluded he wanted a change of "atmosphere." In other words he wanted
+to get away from "shop." A residential park in the Catskills was finally
+decided upon. The cottagers were for the most part staid Brooklyn
+families and Will felt in this environment he was reasonably sure of
+privacy. The delusion was a short-lived one. As we left the train and
+made our way to the 'bus which was to convey us to the Park I heard a
+whisper and titter from a bevy of pretty girls who had come to the
+railway station to watch the new arrivals. "There's Mr. Blank, the
+actor!" and Will understood that he was "discovered." Some of the girls
+climbed into the 'bus, others followed on foot. All giggled and made
+significant remarks. At the Inn it was immediately noised about that an
+actor was in "our midst." We became the cynosure of all eyes. Curious
+maiden ladies looked us over--at a respectful distance. Our most
+insignificant movements were under observation. Now, it is one thing to
+be stared at on the stage; quite another to have the minutest detail of
+one's private life under constant surveillance. Will, who had planned
+to live the simple life, which he had construed for himself as going
+unshaved for days at a time, wearing baggy trousers and flannel shirts
+all day and dining in that garb if it so pleased him, now found himself
+donning white ducks (the salvage of a former season's wardrobe), playing
+tennis, bridge, or lounging about the piazza answering endless inane
+questions concerning the stage and its people. If we went for a walk we
+were soon overtaken; if we planned a quiet day in the woods there was
+arranged an impromptu picnic-party to accompany us. To be sure the
+attention thrust upon us was of kindly intent, though Will declared the
+pleasure was theirs and more or less selfishly bestowed. An actor and
+his family at close range is a novelty apparently as much coveted as a
+man at a seaside after the week-end hejira back to town.
+
+One week of the cuisine at the Inn drove Will to dyspepsia tablets.
+Instead of fresh vegetables, home-grown fowl and the other concomitants
+of the country-board illusions, we were served with such delicacies as
+creamed cod-fish, canned salmon and johnny cake. I came to the
+conclusion that the housekeeping and servant problems had driven the
+Brooklynites to a state of submission where even the fare provided by
+the Inn was better than Bridget's dictation.
+
+The rooms of the caravansary were veritable cockle-shells. The
+partitions were so thin that we carried on all conversation in subdued
+whispers. We wished that other guests would emulate our example, alas
+and alack! Up with the lark and early morning sunbursts were not in
+Will's curriculum. He said he did not object to a sunrise if he could
+sit up all night with convivial friends to await it. And, when a man is
+in the habit of lying abed till noon, it is difficult to change his
+regime. He soon developed nerves. One morning, after futile attempts to
+sleep, Will dragged himself into his clothes and disappeared. When
+finally he returned he had the roguish face of a boy who had been
+stealing little red apples. He had found a farm-house and after some
+"dickering" on both sides he had rented house, farm and all for the
+remainder of the season.
+
+"Just think, girlie," he enthused, "what a circus it will be! There's a
+garden with all kinds of vegetables, there's a cow, bushels of
+chickens, an old nag, a dog, to say nothing of the pigs and----"
+
+"Who," I gasped, "who is going to care for this menagerie?"
+
+"We are--you and me. Besides I need the exercise. I want to take off a
+few pounds of this embonpoint or I'll lose my 'figger.' Of course
+there's a hired man who'll come in to do the milking and the heavy work,
+and his sister will cook and 'tidy up' for us. It'll be great!" He
+stopped long enough to throw out his chest, inhale deeply and to exhale
+noisily while he pounded his lungs--a little trick he had of expressing
+a sense of well-being. "Fresh vegetables, fresh eggs and the cow--think
+what the cow will do for the kiddie! You never saw me work, did
+you?--man with the hoe business, I mean. I used to love that kind of
+thing when I went home to visit the old folks in the summer. Come along,
+girlie, let's get things together. The coach and four will be here
+soon."
+
+He swung Boy over his shoulder and carried him pick-a-back to our room.
+While we packed he told me the details of his "find." The farm belonged
+to an old man and his wife, whose children--three sons--had yielded to
+the call of the city. Bit by bit the lonely old couple had sold the
+land, not being able to work it themselves and unsuccessful in their
+attempts to induce the children to return to their heritage. For a long
+time they had "hankered" to visit the boys in Brooklyn, but money was
+scarce and the little farm with the live stock could not be left uncared
+for. The old man had advertised the homestead for rent, furnished. "The
+few who came to see had one excuse or another for not wanting it," the
+old man had told Will. "Most of 'em wanted a bath and runnin' water and
+they shied at the oil lamps."
+
+"They evidently wanted the simple life with all modern appliances," Will
+continued. "After talking it over with Ma whilst I waited on the porch
+drinking buttermilk, Pa returned and asked if I meant business. I
+assured him I did and proved it by offering to pay the summer's rent in
+advance."
+
+I caught my breath. Mental arithmetic failed me. Will had told me before
+leaving New York that we were "playing pretty close to the cushion," and
+I knew what that meant. If Will noticed my perturbation he evinced no
+sign, but went on in the same enthusiastic vein. "Pa and Ma talked it
+over again, 'If Ma ain't lost her taste for visiting Brooklyn,'--Ma
+hadn't, but she wanted a week to get ready. Pa said he could pack all he
+wanted in a paper bag. I said I must have the place at once or not at
+all--and--here we are." I was not surprised at our sudden change of
+base. Will always acted on the impulse of the moment.
+
+When Will went down to pay our hotel bill it was lunch-time. Nearly all
+the cottagers in the Park had assembled. Much regret was expressed at
+our desertion of the Inn. (I quite understood that "our" was a mere form
+of courtesy, inasmuch as I was looked upon as only an appendage hitched
+to a star.) Will laid our desertion to the Boy. "He needs a cow," he
+explained blandly to a group of admirers. "A child of his age needs one
+brand of milk. One can't be too careful in hot weather, you know," and
+Will's whole bearing portrayed paternal solicitude. The farm wagon
+arrived opportunely. Will winked at me. He had told me that he was
+"side-stepping" the lunch of dried lima beans and creamed cod-fish. "I
+wanted to do it gracefully, of course. They are all nice people and it's
+good business. That's the kind of thing that gives an actor his
+following; just the same I'm glad to get away and relax. This being
+always on parade--! They simply won't concede an actor any privacy. They
+won't let you be natural. They expect you to act 'on' and 'off.'"
+
+It was a long and bumpy drive to the farm. We could have walked it in a
+third of the time by cutting 'cross country. The poor old horse driven
+by Aaih, the farm hand, looked moth-eaten and worn. It hurt my
+conscience to add to his burden, so Will and I climbed down and walked
+the rest of the way. Will, carrying Boy first on his shoulder and then
+on his back, reminded me of pictures I had seen of early settlers making
+their way through the wilds in search of a home. Once in every little
+while Will would burst forth in a lusty halloa which made the welkin
+ring. "Halloa" came back from the echoing hills. Even Boy saluted the
+great god Pan. There was an exhilaration in the air which made one glad
+to be alive.
+
+It was a noisy trio which swung into the lane leading to the farm house.
+Ma was on the front porch awaiting us. She made a quaint picture in her
+rusty black alpaca with her gingham apron half turned back under her
+arm. At her neck there was an old daguerreotype set in a
+brooch--probably a likeness of a child she had lost. The lack-lustre
+eyes were kindly, almost pensively so, and the red spots in her cheeks
+indicated the excitement under which she laboured. While we sprawled on
+the porch she bustled about for buttermilk. Boy had taken a shine to
+Aaih, and refused to leave him for the "one brand of milk," the virtues
+of which Will had expounded to the lady cottagers. Pa called out a
+friendly greeting from the kitchen where he was "poking up the fire" in
+response to orders from his wife. The odour of cooking things whetted
+our already keen appetites. "I had Pa kill a chicken at the last
+minute," the dear old lady explained, "for everybody who comes to the
+country hankers for fried chicken." I shot a glance at Will. Will was "a
+nice feeder" and I devoutly hoped his epicurean tastes would not balk at
+a freshly-killed fowl. It would be a sin not to appreciate the old
+lady's kindliness. Mentally I resolved to eat every helping if it killed
+me.
+
+I fear there was poor picking for Aaih after we left the table. I helped
+Ma with the dishes and after they were cleared away she showed me the
+run of the house. Later we joined the men folks out of doors and made a
+tour of the farm. There was something pathetic in the way they asked us
+to take good care of Snyder, whose mixed breed reminded one of the much
+advertised pickles. Old Ben, we were told, was not fast but he was
+trust-worthy even in the face of automobiles. Good laying hens were
+pointed out, but I could never remember one from the other. We made the
+acquaintance of Bossy and were warned that the other cow with a calf was
+not so friendly. We talked so long that at the last moment Ma got
+flustered. She came very near forgetting the home-made jelly she was
+taking to her niece at Kingston where they were to stay the night, going
+on to New York on the morrow. When at last they drove away to take the
+train, we followed the buggy to the end of the lane, then watched them
+out of sight with much waving of hands and repeated good-byes. The sun
+was dropping behind the peaks. Across the valley spiral coils of smoke
+showed gray against the blue-green hills. How calm, how serene it was!
+Neither spoke. Will was leaning against the snake-rail fence,
+thoughtfully ruminating. Presently he fell to whistling softly. I
+smiled. "Give my regards to Broadway, remember me to Herald Square" was
+ludicrously out of joint with our surroundings. Will divined my thoughts
+and smiled quizzically at me over his shoulder. "It's a long way from
+Broadway, eh, girlie?"
+
+"Not nearly long enough!" I responded. And I was right. If, upon leaving
+the Inn we had deluded ourselves with the idea of retiring from the
+public eye, we soon discovered our mistake. Our retreat was unearthed;
+our privacy intruded upon. At inopportune moments passers-by would
+appear ostensibly to inquire their way, obviously to get a glimpse of
+the actor "at play." It came to be an annoyance, especially after Will
+was caught in the act of clearing out a duck pond or helping Aaih to
+whitewash a chicken-house. When Will indulged in manual labour he
+relieved himself of all superfluous clothing. When a hero does this sort
+of thing on the stage he manages somehow to look pretty. But a matinee
+idol with streaks of whitewash laid across his sweating brow, sundry
+snaggs in disreputable trousers, a handkerchief around his neck with
+utter disregard of artistic effect, is a treat reserved for the bosom of
+his immediate family only. So, after repeated offences, whilom visitors
+were warned off by the threatening admonition--in more or less uneven
+lettering--
+
+    "PRIVATE PROPERTY--NO ADMITTANCE."
+
+Experience Dorset was Aaih's sister. She might have been his twin, so
+alike were they. The only apparent difference was that plainness in a
+man becomes homeliness in a woman. In so far as we were able to
+discover, Experience belied her name. True, she made delicious bread and
+crullers, and one never felt her apple dumplings after forty-eight
+hours, but, other than these, Experience's experience was as drab as her
+complexion. She was slow of speech--and exhaustive. Her invariable "Now,
+ma'am, what'll I fly at next?" was contradictory to her deliberation.
+Nothing ruffled her. In a temperamental family this asset is not to be
+despised. To Experience Will was an enigma. She confided to me, soon
+after allying herself with our household, that she was never sure when
+Will was making believe and when he was himself. She felt certain he
+must sometimes mix himself up. It was her way of explaining a dual
+personality.
+
+Will liked to play golf. Several times a week we tramped across the
+hills to the Club, some two miles distant. We never left the links
+without several girls in our train. It was impossible to shake them off.
+Sometimes they accompanied us to the house and sat on the porch to rest.
+Later they discovered that afternoon tea was an institution with me. I
+am sure that Experience enjoyed these little tea-parties as much as did
+the girls. Punctually at four o'clock she would appear on the porch,
+neatly dressed. With scissors in hand she raided the flower-beds for
+lady-slippers and clove-geranium with which to adorn the table. The
+stone jar in which she kept the cookies was never empty. And when the
+girls came trooping up the lane she was the first to hear them and to
+rouse Will from his siesta.
+
+Will said he felt like a bull in a china shop at these informal teas. I
+thought he was charming and agreeable though he pretended he was bored.
+After tea we would wander out of doors. Nearly all the girls took
+snap-shots of Will. He tried to find a new pose for each of them. "The
+man with the hoe" showed Will among the cabbages, resting on the handle
+of the hoe. "Under the old apple tree" was effective even if the apple
+tree was an oak. Reclining on a mound of hay, carted for the purpose by
+the faithful Aaih, was labelled "In the good old summer time." "The
+actor at play" showed Will with a golf-stick in his hand. Later Will
+autographed the pictures.
+
+Many were the questions we were called upon to answer concerning the
+stage as a career. We were asked to verify all sorts of silly gossip
+about players. It was well-nigh impossible to convince them that all
+male stars were not in love with their leading ladies and vice versa. It
+goes without saying that I should not escape the inevitable question,
+"How did I feel when I saw my husband making love to another woman?" It
+amused me to watch the little subterfuges to which the girls resorted to
+win my favour. Bon-bons were the bribes most in vogue. One day I
+overheard a newcomer to our circle tell another girl, "You didn't tell
+me he was married--and a baby, too. How terribly unromantic! I'll never
+go to see him act again as long as I live."
+
+Will and I laughed over the situation, albeit there is a considerable
+ground for the managerial contention that actors and actresses should
+not marry, or, if married, the fact should be suppressed rather than
+advertised. Indeed, who likes to think of her Romeo as dawdling a
+colicky baby during the wee sma' hours about the time he should be
+exclaiming with unfettered fervour, "What light from yonder window
+breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun!" I recall a tragedy of my
+own romantic youth upon discovering that a favourite actor was not only
+a father, but that he wore--O, horrible, most horrible--a toupee!
+
+There was no escaping the amateur theatricals. I predicted it early in
+the summer. The proceeds of the entertainment were to be applied toward
+the discharging of the debt of the Golf Club. Will was asked to take
+entire charge of the programme. His position was no sinecure.
+
+It was their first intention to give "As You Like It" in the open, but
+as every young woman thought herself particularly adapted to the
+requirements of Rosalind, Will found himself in a delicate position. The
+young men of the community themselves cut the Gordian knot. They aspired
+to be comedians. Vaudeville was finally decided upon. A quartette of
+college students blacked up and gave a minstrel show. Some of the jokes
+were local and aimed at the idiosyncrasies of the cottagers. Others were
+purloined from Jo Miller's joke-book. There was a trombone solo by the
+village farrier, several vocal duets and a selection from the Mikado.
+Will contributed several monologues. But the star feature of the evening
+was the performance of Dolly in a scene from the Wizard of Oz. She was a
+dainty creature with Dresden china beauty and bovine eyes and had been
+much admired by the male contingent of the colony. Everybody felt sure
+there was a treat in store for them. There was. When Dolly entered,
+leading the amiable Bossy, a gasp reverberated through the erstwhile
+bowling alley. Dolly's short skirt revealed nether extremities which
+would have done great credit to Barnum's fat lady or a baby grand piano!
+
+Our vacation passed all too quickly. The day approached when we needs
+must bid good-bye to our retreat.... The memory of the old farm-house
+lingers still. The chill in the air at nightfall; the warmth of the
+log-fire; the sense of comfort and content; the green paste-board shade
+on the lamp; the rag rug on the floor. In my mind's eye I see the old
+couple sitting here of winter nights; Ma, piecing together the
+vari-coloured rags for the summer weaving; Pa, nodding over last week's
+news; Snyder stretched out in front of the fire, whimpering in his
+dreams. How far removed from the feverish walk of our life, with its
+hopes, its struggles, its heart-burns, and its empty fame! Yet, they, as
+we, were "merely players."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII
+
+
+Rehearsals for the new play began in August. The days were wilting but
+the theatrical world up and doing. Every available stage, hall and loft
+was requisitioned. Several companies shared the same stage, dividing the
+hours between them. Will's manager had his own theatre and the
+rehearsals were all-day affairs. Will studied his part at night after
+"the family" had retired. Sometimes I would lie awake and listen to him,
+talking aloud, reading a line first with one inflection and then trying
+another. Will's voice was one of his greatest assets.
+
+Experience had come back to town with us. Before leaving the mountains,
+Will had jestingly asked her whether she would like to see Broadway. She
+took him at his word. We flattered ourselves she had become fond of us.
+We discovered later that it was the profession, not the family, which
+lured her. She had found a new volume of faery lore. Will was the faery
+prince. Sometimes I wondered just how Experience reconciled Will's
+morning grumpiness with her preconceived notion of a hero. I recall how
+after seeing Will in a new role he had asked her how she liked him. She
+expressed herself as pleased with the play in general and with him in
+particular. But after he left the room she confided to me the following:
+"Ain't he the naturalest thing when he yells at that man with the
+powdered hair, Jackwees or somethin' like that--'Jackwees, bring me my
+sword!' I declare, ma'am, I jumped a foot and started for that sword! It
+was so natural; that's just the way he yells when I forget the morning
+papers."
+
+The reliability of Experience brought me more leisure. I was free to go
+about without worry over the boy. I felt that intellectually I needed
+stimulus and I planned a winter's work. Of course everything depended
+upon the play "getting over," to use the vernacular. Will said he did
+not see how it could fail. Everyone connected with the production said
+the same thing. Success was in the air. Several times I had dropped in
+to see a rehearsal. I was interested to know the "method" of this
+particular manager about whom so much had been written. His productions
+were always effectively mounted. Magazine articles, full-page interviews
+had from time to time printed his recipes for evolving successful stars
+as well as money-making plays. One thrilling account in
+particular--supposedly his own words--told of the strenuous training of
+the tyro; how he aroused in his actors the precise degree of emotion
+necessary to a given scene. "I dragged her by the hair!" or "I pictured
+her own mother lying dead, foully murdered, before her until she cried
+aloud at the picture I had conjured." Again, "I tied my wrists together,
+I rolled about the floor, struggling to free myself; I wanted to feel
+just what a man would feel under similar conditions!" These and other
+highly coloured statements had from time to time been served up to the
+public. It is amazing how gullibly the public bites at the press-agent's
+worm. In nearly all such instances nothing could be farther from the
+truth. My own observation convinced me that the man's genius lay in his
+ability to select the right person for the right place. Having made the
+selection he played upon the _amour propre_ of his puppets. He led them
+to believe he had supreme confidence in their ability. The ruse was
+successful. It is the better part of human nature to want to measure up
+to the good opinion of others.
+
+His methods of conducting a rehearsal were the simplest. He had infinite
+patience and perseverance. He left nothing to chance. A scene or an
+effect was repeated until the "mechanics" became automatic. His voice
+never rose above a conversational tone. He knew that to command others
+he must first be in command of himself. He left the roaring to petty
+understrappers with inflated ideas of their own importance. Once in a
+blue moon he let go. The effect was electrifying. I strongly suspected,
+however, that there was more or less "acting" in these outbursts. Just
+as his reluctant appearance before the curtain on first nights was a
+"carefully prepared bit of impromptu acting." The frightened expression
+of his face; the quick, nervous walk; the almost inaudible voice when he
+thanked his audience, "on behalf of the star, the author (or co-author),
+the musicians, the costumers, the scenic artists" and so on down the
+line; this with his mannerism of tugging at a picturesque forelock, this
+alone was worth the price of admission. First and last he was a good
+showman. The star who was the stepping stone to his fame and fortune
+was a lady with a past. She had entered the stage door through the
+advertising medium of the divorce court. After several unsuccessful
+attempts at starring she placed herself under the tuition of the
+manager, then allied with a school of acting. Possessed of abundant
+animal vitality--"magnetism," if you prefer--as well as "temperament,"
+the ugly duckling developed into a star of first magnitude. When Will
+joined the company she was at the height of her success--a success which
+later dulled the finer artistic restraint and listed toward a fall. But
+act she could, playing upon each reed, each stop of the emotional organ,
+with a conviction of which few actresses are capable. In the choice of
+plays the genius of the man again displayed itself; the right play for
+the right person. Doubtless, he understood that temperament, after all,
+is but the flood-tide of our natural predilections.
+
+To the layman a rehearsal is a bewildering and murky affair. Seated in
+the "front of the house," in the clammy shadow of shrouded seats, a
+student of human nature finds much to interest him. Under the light of a
+single "bunch" or the "blanching" irregular foots, the players look old
+and insignificant. The blue white light has a cruel way of exposing the
+lines and seams. They sit about or stand in groups, the blue-covered
+typewritten parts in hand awaiting the call of the first act. A youngish
+man, probably the assistant stage-manager, sets the stage; that is, he
+marks the entrances and the boundaries with plain wooden chairs and
+stage-braces. The homely wooden chair plays many parts; now it stands
+for a fire-place or a grand piano, again it may be a rocky pass beyond
+which are the mountains.
+
+A fagged looking man enters the stage door with a hurried, important
+air. By the bundle of manuscript under his arm shall you know him. It is
+the stage-manager. He greets the members of the company with a curt,
+preoccupied air and hurries down to the prompt stand. There are
+consultations with the working staff and perhaps with one or two of the
+players. While he is thus engaged let us enquire into the personnel of
+the company; that tall good-looker in the well tailored gown is a
+newcomer to the stage. She has been given a small part--a half dozen
+lines at best. On twenty dollars a week she carries a maid--and a jewel
+case. No, she does not _have_ to work for a living; neither is she the
+spoilt child of a multi-millionaire. She belongs to that great class of
+women who have no class. Time hangs heavily on her hands. It looks
+better to be connected with some kind of a profession; a legitimate
+profession. Besides, her vanity makes her "want to do something." The
+stage has always appealed to her. With a little "influence" she gets a
+part. Salary is no object. Perhaps the management has saved five or ten
+dollars a week on the deal. At any rate a good-looker adds "class" to
+the personnel. She drives to the theatre in a taxi; sometimes she comes
+in a big limousine car accompanied by an elderly gentleman with watery
+eyes. On the opening night he will send her great boxes of American
+Beauty roses. After the show they will sup at Rector's, and his friends
+who have been in front with him will tell her how pretty she looked. Of
+course she will not go on the road with the company. Dear no! She will
+leave that to some other girl who is not so young, not so pretty, but
+who needs the money.
+
+The white-haired lady with the sweet face and the stern old man who has
+brought her a chair are man and wife. Theirs is one of the few stage
+marriages which have endured. Perhaps it is the very rarity of the case
+which makes them so popular and well-beloved. One hears them invariably
+referred to as "Dear old Mr. and Mrs. So and So." One looks at them
+wistfully and wonders at the secret of their success....
+
+The actor with the monocle, oddly cut clothes and the overpowering
+savoir-faire is an English importation. Managers assert that the average
+English actor plays the gentleman more effectively than his American
+cousin. It all depends on what kind of a gentleman the role demands.
+When an Englishman is called upon to portray a gentlemanly officer of
+the United States Army the effect is incongruous to say the least. The
+American manager, vulgar and uncouth himself, is impressed by the
+English complacency. A bluffer, he has a sneaking respect for anyone who
+throws a bluff and gets away with it.
+
+The several youngish men with a hint of effeminancy in their make-up
+might be called the "stationaries" or "walking gentlemen." One of this
+_genre_ is to be found in nearly every company. Too proud for the ribbon
+counter, too erratic for commercial life, he drifts into the profession
+because he feels the call of the artistic temperament. He plays small
+parts, disseminates gossip, flatters the star--or the leading
+lady--reads a little, sleeps much--and drinks more.
+
+That beefy looking man is the leading heavy. Not many years since he was
+a leading man. Now when a leading man takes on flesh he is marked for a
+reduction in value. The first step down in his career is the day he
+begins to play heavies. To be sure, there are heavy men who never have
+been leading men; these, however, come under the head of character
+heavies. The gentlemanly heavy unfailingly aspires to heroic roles. The
+present incumbent of villainy had "fallen on his feet." Some seasons
+previously he had played an inconsequential engagement under the same
+management. The star took a fancy to him. Henceforth his engagements
+were assured--until the fancy waned. Everybody understood; they shrugged
+their shoulders and smiled. Nobody cared. Neither did the heavy man.
+
+Character actors without exception are envious of the leading man. "Call
+that acting?" demands the man behind the make-up. "Call it acting to
+walk on and play yourself? Why, it's a cinch!"
+
+"_O, is it?_" retorts the leading man. "You ought to try it. It's the
+most difficult thing in the world to walk on and be perfectly natural.
+I'd like to see some of you fellows who hide behind your wigs and queer
+make-ups go on and play a straight part. Why you wouldn't know what to
+do with your hands!" ...
+
+There was something plaintive about the woman who sat in the shadow of
+the set-pieces, piled high against the wall. The rouge on her cheeks but
+accentuated the lines in her face. The brassy gold on her hair showed
+gray against her temples. "Better days" was clearly stamped all over
+her. Perhaps she was thinking of those days--when _she_ was a star; when
+being a star meant something more than an animated clothes-horse. Her
+mother had been a great actress in the Booth and Barrett days. She,
+herself, had lisped some childish lines with them. Later, she had become
+a soubrette and a star in merry little plays in which she sang and
+danced and "emoted," all in one evening. There are no soubrettes
+nowadays. The term has degenerated into a slangy sobriquet. "Ingenue"
+has replaced it; nothing is required of an _ingenue_ but saccharine
+sweetness and vacuous prettiness--and youth, youth, _youth_! O, the
+harvest of age! The public which she had amused for years has forgotten
+her. They scarcely recall her existence: not even a hand of recognition
+on her entrance. Occasionally a reviewer will dig her out of the dust of
+the past--only to speak of her as "in Memoriam." Managers, too, hesitate
+to engage her. There are so many has-beens and so few parts to fit them.
+Besides, there are freshly spawned pupils from the divine academies to
+be had for the asking. Why waste money?...
+
+A psychical ripple disturbs the ether. Necks crane toward the door. The
+star arrives. She comes slowly, with the air of one assured of an
+effective entrance. She punctuates her animated conversation with the
+manager with smiles and nods. That meek-looking person bringing up the
+rear is the author. He gropes his way through the dark passage to the
+front of the house and is lost in oblivion.
+
+"First act!" calls the prompter. _"First act!_"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The play opened out of town. The working force was sent ahead with the
+scenery and the baggage. There was a special train for the company.
+Besides the regular staff there were costumers, flash-light
+photographers, relatives of the players and guests of the management.
+The guests included several critics from certain New York journals. One
+of these had an ambitious wife who was a member of the company. The
+other, rumour had it, was on the salary list of the management. This may
+or may not have been true. Subsequent effusive reviews and the manner in
+which these critics took up the cudgels against the enemies of the
+manager did not, however, indicate unbiased opinion. "Subsidized or
+hypnotized"--that was the question. The persuasive art of "fixing" is
+not confined to politics.
+
+When the train arrived in----, there was barely time for a hasty bite
+before rushing off to the theatre. One felt the thrill of excitement at
+the very stage door. Even the back doorkeeper was infected. When Will
+stopped to look through the pigeon-holes for mail, the keeper of the
+sacred portal was exhibiting a brand new litter of kittens. "Everyone of
+'em black; just like their mother. Your show'll be a big success--talk
+about your mascots!" Stage-folk are as superstitious as a nigger mammy.
+A whole chapter might be devoted to their lore. One of the greatest
+hoodoos is to speak the tag of a play before the opening night. The tag
+of a play is the last several words immediately preceding the final fall
+of the curtain. When it comes to the tag, the actor to whose lot the
+final lines fall either stops with a gesture or perhaps he purloins
+Hamlet's last words--"The rest is silence."
+
+Back on the stage there was the sound of hammers, the shouts of the
+stage-hands to the men in the flies, "drops" being adjusted, calls of
+warning to some reckless person about to come in contact with a sandbag
+at that moment lowered from the flies. Abrupt blasts of the orchestra
+reach one's ears. The music cues are being rehearsed, the director
+shouting against the din on the stage. On the "apron," with a bottle of
+milk in his hand and surrounded by a half dozen coatless and perspiring
+men, is the producer. A shaft of light darts from the spot-light machine
+in the gallery, and hovers over the stage like a searchlight at sea.
+Green, yellow, red and blue slides are tried and a weird waving moving
+picture effect brings a shout of laughter from the privileged watchers
+in front. In the dressing-rooms the players are making up. The wardrobe
+mistress hurries from one to another, needle and thread in hand. There
+are impatient calls for the head costumer; "Props" taps at the doors and
+delivers the properties to be carried by the various actors in the play.
+The actors talk across the partitions or run through lines of a "shaky"
+scene. "Fifteen minutes--fifteen minutes!" warns the assistant stage
+manager making the rounds. Below stage, the supers or "extra people" sit
+about in noisy groups awaiting the call. Some of them are as "nervous as
+a cat," to use their own expression. These are not the rank and file of
+supernumeraries. The promise of a long run in New York ofttimes tempts
+women who have "spoken lines" to go on as extra ladies. As a sop they
+are given a leading part to understudy. The excitement is infectious.
+With the lowering of the curtain and the first strains of the orchestra
+one instinctively shifts forward to the edge of one's seat.
+
+It is either the lights or a missing prop or a hiatus between speech and
+action which the first acquaintance with the scenery develops or a
+"jumbled" ensemble or something unexpected which brings the rehearsal to
+an abrupt halt. The dialogue stops like a megaphone suddenly shut off.
+The director hurries down the centre aisle, the prompter's head appears
+at the proscenium arch. "Loved I not honour more!" repeats the actor,
+looking expectantly off stage. "Loved I not honour more!" bellows the
+stage-manager, getting into the game. "That's _your_ cue, Mr. Prime
+Minister. Mr. Jones. Mr. Jones! Where _is_ Mr. Jones?"
+
+"Jones! Jones!" reverberates about the stage and in the flies.
+
+"Here I am! I hear you!" answers a muffled voice up-stage. "I can't get
+through. The entrance's blocked with a sacred elephant!" There is a rush
+of stage hands in the direction indicated. Simultaneously Mr. Jones
+appears L. I. E. "I'm sorry," he says, "but I couldn't butt in through
+the stone walls of the castle, now could I?" indicating the boxed set
+which formed the outer walls of the scene.
+
+The obstruction is removed amidst a heated confab and the stage cleared
+for action. "Go back--go back to Miss Melon's entrance." Miss Melon
+enters. The scene starts flatly enough. It is difficult to pick up a
+scene and get back into the atmosphere at once. One must "warm up to
+it."
+
+A star requires an effective entrance. The audience must be apprised of
+her approach. "Here she comes now!" (accompanied by a look off stage.)
+Or, a flunkey enters and solemnly announces, "His Highness, Prince of
+Ptomania, mounts the steps." These helpful hints prepare the reception
+which the ushers start at the psychological moment. Many persons are
+backward about applauding for fear of making a mistake: just follow the
+usher. The supporting actors understand that they are expected to
+"humour" the applause, either upon an entrance or for a scene. Stars,
+however, do not always encourage applause for their supporting actors.
+Some of them go so far as to "shut it off" by flashing on house light on
+a curtain in which they do not figure, or dimming the foots or directing
+the actors to "jump in" with the next speech.
+
+In the midst of a scene which sends little shivers up and down one's
+spinal column the star hesitates, stammers, repeats, then interpolates
+while she searches frantically among the papers on the table for the
+missing prop. "Where's the knife--the fatal dagger?" she demands,
+dropping the role as one would step out of a petticoat. The man about to
+be killed joins in the hunt for the deadly weapon. "I can't kill you
+very well without a knife, can I, Jack? Unless I stab you with a
+hatpin--" There is something so incongruous in the rapid contrasts that
+everyone, including the star herself, gives way to laughter. Meanwhile
+the stage-manager's yells for Props have brought that culprit from the
+flies where he has been touching up a damp cloud with a paint brush.
+
+"The knife!" a chorus hurls at him.
+
+"What knife?" he demands, continuing to mix the silver lining to the
+cloud.
+
+"The dagger! I told you the last thing not to forget it!" fumes the
+bumptious stage-manager.
+
+"Aw, what's the matter with you?" replies Props witheringly. Then he
+ambles down to the star, who by this time is lost in a little side-play
+with her heavy man. "Miss Blank," he begins with punctuation marks
+between each word, "Miss Blank, didn't you tell me to leave that knife
+on your dressing table so you could place it where you wanted it on the
+table centre?"
+
+"I did, I did! I apologize, Johnny--I beg everybody's pardon!" She makes
+a contrite bow toward the front of the house. Johnny shuffles off,
+muttering to himself, and Madame's maid enters with the missing link.
+"Let's begin at your cross," Madame says to the heavy. "Just before you
+say, 'Darling, my life, my love, you're mine at last!' And Jack--I hope
+your wooden chest protector is in place, for I'm going to strike
+to-night just as I am going to do to-morrow night and turn it r-r-round
+and r-r-round, as if I loved your blood--and Mr. Director," she glides
+to the foots and shades her eyes from the glare, "Herr Director, can't
+you play a little more _piano_ just at that point? I want my gurgle of
+delight to get _over_--understand?... O, Mr. Hartley, while I think of
+it----"
+
+She toys with the ornaments on his dress as she speaks. "In our next
+scene give me a little more room; play farther down stage. It's better
+for our scene." Mr. Hartley smiles to himself as he disappears in the
+wings; he is "on-to" the little tricks of stars and leading ladies. To
+make a _vis-a-vis_ play the scene down stage is to rob him of any
+effective participation in the scene. "To hog" is the vulgar but
+expressive infinitive applied to this trick of the trade.
+
+After many false starts, the end of the act is finally reached. The
+players are then posed in certain effective scenes from the play and
+the flash-light pictures are taken. Then comes a change of costume and
+the second act is set. During the long wait members of the company come
+in front to get a glimpse of the scenery or to discuss the play and the
+performance with their friends. I recall an instance which will
+exemplify the jealousy of one star for another, especially those under
+the same management. During the early years of Will's career he had
+played with a summer stock company. The leading woman of the
+organization was now one of the stars under Will's present management.
+She had come on from her country home--(her own season had not yet
+opened)--and was an interested spectator of the dress rehearsal. She and
+Will had kept up a desultory interest during the intervening years and
+were on a friendly footing. "What do you think of the play?" he asked,
+sitting down beside her.
+
+"It's a sensation," she predicted. "How does your part pan out?"
+
+"O, it's a fair part. I've got a couple of big scenes, but the _heavy_
+makes circles all around him. If I had read the play before I signed, I
+believe I should have turned it down."
+
+"What do you care--you're the _hero_, and that is what counts with the
+women. It fits you like a glove; and, speaking of parts, what do you
+think of _that_ for a star-part? Did you ever see anything like it?
+She's the whole show.... When I think of the _also-ran_ I am playing for
+a star part ... let me tell you--just between ourselves--that he'll have
+to hand me out something fatter next season or there'll be something
+doing in another direction. Little Abe's syndicate has been making eyes
+at me and--you never can tell. Glory! I never saw such an acting part in
+my life! Why, she isn't off the stage two minutes during the whole first
+act!"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+It is past midnight when the curtain goes down on the second act. The
+lights have worked badly and for an hour the electricians have been put
+through the paces until the desired effect is reached. Spirits begin to
+flag. The Englishman's wife sets up a tea basket; friends and relatives
+are sent out for sandwiches and "something to wash 'em down." At this
+stage of the siege one becomes a mere machine. There is no attempt at
+acting. It is now a mechanical perfection. When the scenic effects
+refuse to act on cues or "anticipate" the same, or the supers jumble and
+everybody grows cross and "on edge," one shudders to realize that the
+opening night is close at hand. One hopes and prays things will not go
+like this to-morrow night. There is consolation in the old adage: "A
+poor dress rehearsal--a good first night."
+
+We leave the theatre when the milkman is making his rounds. A day of
+fitful sleep with its undercurrent of tension; the opening night with
+nerves tuned to the highest pitch, then success or failure, who can
+tell? The box office is the arbiter.
+
+The opening night is not the only strain attendant upon a new
+production. One is on tenter-hooks for days, perhaps weeks, to learn
+whether the play has "caught on" or not. Favourable, even laudatory,
+reviews will not drag the public into the theatre if they do not like
+the offering. Stars may have a certain drawing power, but "The play's
+the thing." No star ever yet saved a bad play from oblivion or spoiled a
+good play with bad acting.
+
+I am sure that Will and the members of the company watched the "houses"
+from the peep-holes in the curtain as eagerly as the star and the
+management kept an eye on the box-office receipts. "How was the house
+last night?" was the daily question I put to Will with his morning
+coffee. Finally we settled back with the assurance of a season's run
+ahead of us. I set in motion the plans I had outlined for myself. I
+induced Will to study languages with me for a time, but his hours were
+so uncertain that he finally dropped out. Music was a passion with me. I
+went through a whole season of the Opera treat I had promised myself for
+years. Will was fond of music, too, and sometimes we would go together
+to the Sunday night concerts at the Metropolitan. Of course there were
+still the dinner-parties and the supper-parties and matinees for
+benevolent purposes. Will seemed to have tired of the parties and spent
+more and more of his time at the Lambs. He never came home to supper
+after the theatre nowadays. I missed my little talks with him across the
+supper table. There was no longer any need to throw cold water in my
+face to keep myself fresh until his coming. Sometimes when I was wakeful
+I would hear him come in; it was generally daylight. Sometimes, on
+Sunday morning, if he found me awake he would hand me the Morning
+Telegram. No wonder they call it "the chorus girl's breakfast." Among
+other things I did not like about the Lambs was that irritating way the
+telephone boy had of asking "Who's calling, please." Will said they do
+that at all Clubs.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII
+
+
+By this time I had my own little _coterie_ and I prided myself it was a
+cosmopolitan gathering which graced our little apartment on the second
+and third Sundays of the month. There was so much to learn, the
+interests were so diversified that I eagerly welcomed members of other
+professions than our own--if they were worth while. Our sculptor friend
+brought men who had travelled in remote parts of the world; they in turn
+brought others. We numbered several army and navy officers, a German
+scientist, men and women journalists, a cartoonist and an artist, women
+engaged in Settlement work and the quaint old French professor who
+taught me the language. When we could overcome his diffidence he was a
+mine of information. He had witnessed the Commune of Paris and was
+working on a book on that subject.
+
+It is an interesting study to divide the _pastiche_ from the real. The
+time-killers and the curious soon dropped out. It was not difficult to
+limit our _coterie_ to the dimensions of our home. I could not but
+contrast my simple "at homes" with those of the Dingleys. We had
+received several cards for their Sundays and Will said we must go to at
+least one of them. The Dingleys had sprung from humble beginnings. They
+were jocosely referred to as the "ten, twent' and thirt's."
+
+When I was a little girl in short skirts they were members of a
+repertoire company which played our town during County Fair week. The
+repertoire comprised such good old timers as The Two Orphans, the
+Danites, East Lynne, the Silver King, Streets of New York, Camille and
+The Ticket-of-Leave Man. Mrs. Dingley was the leading lady and her
+husband the utility man. She was my ideal of a heroine--in those days.
+Her hair was very golden, and as the weepy heroine she wore a black
+velvet dress with a long train. That black velvet (later experience told
+me it was velveteen) played many parts. It was a princess, and for
+evening wear the guimpe had only to be removed. Or, when the heroine was
+ailing, as becomes a persecuted woman, the princess, with the help of a
+full front panel, was converted into a tea-gown. Again, it was used as a
+riding habit, draped up on one side and topped by husband's silk hat
+wound round with a veil. With a good deal of crepe drapery from the
+bonnet, the same gown passed muster as widow's weeds. Mentally, I
+resolved that when I became an actress I should have just such a
+prestidigital gown in my wardrobe.
+
+By dint of hard work on Mrs. Dingley's part and unmitigated nerve on the
+part of her husband they had finally arrived on Broadway. They had
+recently acquired a large house in the older part of the city and I
+understood it was Mrs. Dingley's idea to establish a _salon_. Certainly
+she was successful in drawing a crowd. The house was strikingly
+furnished. There was much gold furniture and antique bric-a-brac;
+canopied beds and monogrammed counterpanes. After a personally conducted
+tour of the house and an enlightening dissertation upon the real worth
+of and prices paid for the fittings, one retained a confusing sense of
+having had an exercise in mental arithmetic.
+
+It seemed rather catty of the women to make fun of the Dingleys behind
+their back and at the same time accept their hospitality. Two smart
+looking women whom I recognized as members of Mrs. D's. company appeared
+to get no little amusement out of the coat of arms on Mrs. Dingley's
+bed. "Why didn't they purloin a beer-stein, quiescent on a japanned
+tray?" I heard one say.
+
+"Or a Holstein bull rampant on a field of cotton," the other giggled.
+
+I failed to grasp the significance of their remarks, though I saw the
+humour in their allusion to the empty book-shelves which lined the walls
+of the library. "Why not buy several hundred feet of red-backed books,
+like a certain politician who wanted to fill up the wall space in his
+library?"
+
+"Pshaw! It would be cheaper to use props," scoffed the other.
+
+I myself thought a dictionary and a few grammars a sensible beginning,
+as Mrs. Dingley was a veritable Mrs. Malaprop. Later I committed a _faux
+pas_, though I meant no offense. In my effort to say something nice to
+my hostess I remarked that I had seen her years ago during the early
+days of her struggle and that I had been one of her ardent admirers. The
+way she said, "Yes?" with the frosty inflection made me understand she
+did not care to remember her beginnings.
+
+While we were drinking tea out of priceless cups--the history of which
+was being retailed by our host--there was a commotion and a craning of
+necks toward the stairs. The hostess hurried forward to greet the late
+arrival. There was considerable nudging and innuendo exchanged as a
+small pleasant-faced man with a Van Dyke beard entered the room. Our
+host greeted him jovially, almost boisterously. "Here comes the
+king--here comes the king!" hummed the two actresses, winking
+significantly at me. There was a buzz of voices while Mrs. Dingley
+paraded the lion of the occasion about the room with an air of playful
+proprietorship. The little man had a penchant for pretty girls and
+flattery. He got both. Everybody fawned on him, Mr. Dingley laboured
+heroically to be witty. My curiosity finally drove me to ask my
+neighbours who the little man was.
+
+"Is he a manager, or a producer, or?--?" I whispered.
+
+There was a peal of laughter before I was answered.
+
+"O, he's a producer, all right! Why, don't you know who he is? He's the
+goose that laid the golden egg!" taking in the gold furniture with a
+comprehensive sweep of her hand. She lowered her voice and leaned toward
+me. "He's Mr. ----!" I recognized the name of the multi-millionaire. "Is
+he?" I queried, trying to get another look at him.
+
+The women relapsed into their confidences. "How do you suppose she
+explains it to ----?" calling Mr. Dingley by his first name. The other
+woman shrugged her shoulders. "She doesn't have to explain; money
+talks."
+
+On the way home I asked Will what they meant.
+
+He smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "They do say that the little man
+is an 'angel.'"
+
+"Well, suppose he is?" I began indignantly. "There is such a thing as
+clean-minded men of the world: patrons of art without ulterior motives.
+All art needs fostering, and who better able to help the climbers
+than ----?"
+
+Will laid his hand on mine, a little way he had when he wanted to
+reassure me.
+
+"I haven't a doubt in the world that there are clean-minded men of means
+without 'ulterior motives,' as you express it. I also believe that hen's
+teeth are rare."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+There were other near-salons to which we were invited. Some of them were
+highly temperamental gatherings. Every large city has its artistic set,
+but New York may safely claim the medal for the half-baked neurotics who
+wallow in illicit cults which they sanctify in the name of art. One of
+the most typical and, by the same token, the most amusing of these
+esoteric feasts was presided over by a lady-like creature who had spent
+some time in the Far East. We were met at the outer portal by a jet
+black, down-South negro done up in full Eastern regalia. An air of
+mysticism permeated even the box couches against the wall. They had a
+peculiar "feel" to them and one sank into their enfolding depths as one
+is taught to sink into the arms of Nirvana. It must have been awful for
+short, fat persons to scramble to their feet, after once being beguiled
+into sitting on these couches. The mysticism was enhanced by burning
+incense, shaded lights, draperies, and the host himself, who received us
+in Eastern garb, resplendent with the famous jewels, a gift from some
+potentate or other. We were conducted to a dais where the guest of
+honour--an oily, complacent Swami--received us. If we were pretty, the
+Swami held our hands longer than the amenities of good society demand.
+Some of the guests were highly sensitized beings. Some were lean like
+Cassius; perhaps they "thought too much." There was a preponderance of
+Greek and other classic dresses, over un-classic figures. (Why _will_
+doctors condemn the corset?) Hair-dressing was simplicity itself; in
+fact, the simplicity suggested a lick and a promise. Sometimes there
+were beads woven in the scrambled mess.
+
+The sockless damsel was in evidence and nobility was represented by a
+certain antique Baroness with a penchant for baby blonde hair. Affinity
+hunters abounded. By the dreamy longing of their watery eyes shall ye
+know them. Some there were who had made several excursions into the
+realms of free and easy love, but _all_, all had returned empty-handed,
+unsatisfied. O cruel Fate! And so they go, hunting, hunting....
+
+After a call to silence, the Swami with the ingratiating smile and good
+front teeth made an address. It was a mystical, tortuous, rambling
+discourse which sounded to me a good deal like an advocation of free
+love. He told what ailed us; he said we didn't love enough. He assured
+us it was O, so easy to get our slice of the wonderful, all-pervading
+ether with which we were saturated. We simply didn't know how to use it.
+He had come to teach us: his the mission to prescribe for us.
+Electricity had been harnessed, why not love? I shuddered when I thought
+of the possibilities of a love-trust. Of course it would be cornered by
+some of the millionaires.
+
+After the address everybody clustered around the dispenser of Oriental
+pearls. The Swami slipped little printed matters into the palms of the
+neophytes. They told how farther enlightenment could be attained, on
+given days at given hours and given prices.
+
+Later our brute element was fortified by wafers and a mysterious punch.
+I felt sorry for the late-comers who missed the intellectual feed and
+arrived just in time for the refreshments. Wafers are not very
+sustaining. The punch was a mysterious and subtle concoction with a
+tendency to promulgate the tenets of the Swami's new religion. Before we
+took our leave I thought the eyes of the new disciples had grown more
+languishing and were considerably lit up. It may have been, of course,
+that the Swami had taken the lid off a few vats of his cerulean ether
+which was too highly rarefied for those present. As we closed the door
+and stepped out into the winter night, we instinctively inhaled the cold
+air, which, though it may not be full of love, is full of common-sense
+ozone.
+
+"When Boston people want to be naughty they go to New York." Our hostess
+nodded sententiously across the table as she made the statement.
+
+"Why confine it to Boston? Why not Philadelphia, Washington or ----?"
+
+"Because I don't know anything about those cities, and I do know my home
+city," interrupted his wife.
+
+"I guess you're right," Mr. Mollett answered. "It's the same spirit
+which keeps alive Le Rat Mort, or Maxim's, or any of those resorts in
+Paris. You rarely meet a Parisian at these show-places. If it were not
+for the foreigners--principally Americans and English--they'd have to
+shut up shop."
+
+"That's precisely my contention. One does things in Paris or New York
+one would never think of in Boston."
+
+Will had met Mr. Mollett at a Lambs' Gambol one Sunday night during the
+recent season in New York. They had taken a shine to each other, to use
+Mr. Mollett's expression, and had exchanged cards. "I liked your husband
+from the start," Mr. Mollett once said to me. "He's not a bit like an
+actor; he's natural and not a bit of a _poseur_." It appears that when
+anyone wants to pay an actor a particularly high compliment he tells him
+he is not a bit like an actor! This is not flattering to the rank and
+file of players, who labour under the misapprehension that to be
+effective they must act on and off the stage.
+
+On the opening night of the following season in Boston Will was pleased
+to find a card from Mr. Mollett and a note from his wife, asking whether
+I was in town; if so, would I waive the formality of a call and join
+them at "beans" on Saturday night after the performance.
+
+Mrs. Mollett's Saturday suppers were as much of an institution as the
+beans themselves. Our hostess was a bright, intelligent little woman
+without the pretense of the intellectual. Externally, she had all the
+ear-marks of a Boston woman. She wore the practical but disfiguring
+goloshes of a Boston winter and she carried a reticule. Her dress might
+have been made in Paris, but it had a true New England hang to it. It
+wasn't a component part of her; it was _a thing apart_. Her skin was
+rough and fretted with pin-wrinkles. I never saw a jar of cold cream on
+her dressing-table.
+
+The Molletts enjoyed a comfortable income which they appeared to use
+judiciously. Their home was comfortable and in good taste. Their library
+was a treat; not merely fine bindings and rare editions. The volumes
+showed an intimate acquaintance with the owner. By the process of
+elimination they had formed a selected chain of the better class of
+actors, who found a warm welcome awaiting them whenever they played
+Boston. The Molletts' leaning toward the artistic had no taint of the
+free-and-easy predilection. The element of illusion furnished by their
+player friends was precisely the variety needed to counteract the
+monotony of their daily routine. Both sides benefited by the exchange.
+
+Boston was the first stand on tour. The second season had opened with a
+six weeks' engagement in New York and one, two or more weeks were booked
+in the larger cities. The original company was advertised and--rare
+integrity--maintained. Will decided that it was cheaper to carry the boy
+and me on the road than to keep up two establishments. Luckily we sublet
+our apartment. I was for sending Experience back to her home, though I
+had become sincerely attached to her and so had Boy. Will declared we
+could not manage without a nurse. I assured him we could. "You don't
+suppose you can carry that Buster around in your arms, do you? And
+wouldn't I look nice climbing on and off trains, and coming into hotels
+with a baby in my arms? Pretty picture for a matinee idol! No, ma'am,
+Experience remains. Besides," he smiled at me, "a nurse and a valet help
+to make a good front. It'll keep the management guessing."
+
+Unfortunately the management were not the only ones kept guessing. Good
+hotels were expensive and Will's position did not permit him to stop at
+any other kind. It worried me a great deal to see Will's envelope come
+in on Tuesday and scarcely anything left on Wednesday when we had paid
+the bills. I suspected, too, that Will had some debts hanging over from
+last season. I knew he had drawn on the management during the summer. We
+foolishly took a cottage at Allenhurst on the sea, where we spent our
+holidays. The week-end parties proved expensive. It was easily
+accessible to New York and I never knew how popular Will was with the
+profession until that summer. I regretted we had not gone back to the
+farm in the Catskills.
+
+I saw a great deal more of Will on the road than I had in New York.
+There was no Lambs' Club and, though Will had guest-cards to clubs in
+various cities, there was not the lure of intimate association. We took
+long walks together, browsed in the book-shops, visited public buildings
+such as the library in Boston, and sometimes lunched or "tead" with
+friends. Will did not care to accept invitations to dinner; he said it
+made him "logey" to dine late and interfered with his evening
+performances. Altogether we came nearer to the old intimacy and
+comradeship than we had known for several years. At Christmas time we
+planned the boy's first tree. We believed he was now old enough to
+appreciate it. Santa Claus now became a name to conjure with; it acted
+as a bribe to good behaviour or a threat of punishment.
+
+Will and I went shopping together. The big toy-shops proved the most
+fascinating things in the world. We spent hours looking at the wonders
+of toy-land which the present-day child enjoys. Will said it made him
+feel like a boy and surely it brought out all the youth in his nature.
+His eyes would snap and sparkle with delight over a miniature railway
+with practicable engine and carriages, electric head-lights, block
+signals and the like. "Gee! What wouldn't I have given for an outfit
+like that when I was a kid!" he would exclaim. As for me, I couldn't
+make up my mind which I enjoyed the most; the pretty children who
+crowded the shop or the toys they came to see.
+
+We made several visits to Santa Claus land without being able to decide
+what would best please Boy. Experience advised us to have him make his
+own choice. When Experience took him for a tour of the shops he decided
+upon everything in the place. Suddenly the whole world faded into
+insignificance: "Senyder!" he stuttered, pointing imperiously to a dog
+whose breed seemed as indeterminate as the prototype. All dogs were
+Snyders to Boy, but perhaps the perpetual motion of the tail which
+wagged automatically reminded him most strongly of the original. It did
+no good to tell him that Santa Claus would bring Snyder down the
+chimney. Boy had his own ideas about fairies and their ilk. He refused
+to leave the shop without the dog. Needless to say the dog went home
+with us. Will never could endure Boy's shrieks. But, in extenuation,
+let it be said that not one of the toys Boy found grouped about his tree
+on Christmas morning--and their name was legion--gave him the joy he
+found in the mongrel pup. Miss Burton sent a box from far-off San
+Francisco, where she was playing. The Chinese dolls interested him for a
+moment, but his heart was true to Snyder. He slept with him, shared his
+food with him, sobbed out his childish grief with Snyder in his arms,
+and refused to part with his faithful friend even when old age robbed
+him of his woolly coat and shiny eyes.
+
+The star gave a party on Christmas Eve. When the curtain went down on
+the last act, the applause was choked off by the flashing on of the
+house lights. The stage-manager gave the order to strike, and in a short
+time the stage was clear. The carpenters then put together the
+improvised banquet board--great long planks of lumber resting upon
+saw-horses. From the iron landing of the first tier of spiral stairs
+upon which Will's dressing-room gave I watched the caterer's men lay the
+table. I had spent the latter part of the evening in the cubby hole--a
+rare occurrence, since I seldom went behind the scenes except with
+friends of Will's who had attended the performance and who wanted to
+see what the back of the stage looked like.
+
+Shortly before twelve o'clock the members of the company and a few
+outside guests assembled on the stage--where they were received by the
+star-hostess. In the midst of the chatter the lights went out. At first
+everyone thought it an accident until a bell in the distance chimed the
+witching hour. As the last stroke died away a faint jingle of sleigh
+bells wafted across the air. Nearer and louder they came, interspersed
+with the snap of a whip. A great shaft of light from above shot
+obliquely across the stage. From out of the clouds, as it seemed, a
+full-fledged Santa Claus descended like a flying machine. With the aid
+of a little "sneaky" music furnished by the orchestra and the faithful
+spot-light which dogged his very footsteps, Santy placed the huge tree
+in the centre of the table and unloaded his pack. With many a grotesque
+antic he surveyed his labour of love and finally, having sampled the
+contents of a decanter which graced the table, he rubbed his much padded
+pouch in satisfaction, laughed merrily, shouted a "merry Christmas to
+you all," and disappeared into the clouds. The effect was so bewitching
+and so eerie that old Kris received a spontaneous "hand" on his exit.
+
+I thought of Boy and how much he would have enjoyed the scene. Myriad
+little lights twinkled like stars upon the wonderful trees. A warm, red
+glow poured from imaginary fireplaces off stage. To the accompaniment of
+ohs! and ahs! and a merry potpourri from the orchestra we took our seats
+at table. I am sure any audience would gladly have paid a premium for
+tickets to this special performance.
+
+The supper proved to be an eight-course dinner. There was everything
+from nut-brown turkey to hot mince pie. The drinkables were varied and
+plentiful. I noticed that after the third or fourth course everybody was
+telling everybody else what a good actor he or she was. It developed
+into a veritable mutual admiration society. Will kicked me under the
+table several times when the character man told him what a good actor he
+was; it was common property that the character man "knocked" Will behind
+his back. The tall, good-looking girl I had noticed at rehearsals passed
+around a new diamond pendant she had just received from her friend in
+New York.
+
+"He's just crazy about you, ain't he?" chaffed one of the actors. The
+good-looking girl laughed and winked.
+
+"He sure is," she answered, "and I never even gave him as much as
+_that_," measuring off an infinitesimal speck of her thumb nail.
+
+A shout of laughter greeted her remark. A little later when she got
+warmed up she made eyes at Will across the table and threw him violets
+from her huge corsage bouquet. "Ev'ry matinee day I send thee violets,"
+she paraphrased in song, the significance of which was lost on me until
+some days later.
+
+Toward the end of the dinner the packages were opened. Each memento was
+accompanied by a limerick hitting off the idiosyncrasies of the
+recipient, who was asked to read it aloud. Whoever composed the
+limericks was well paid for sitting up o' nights, for they caused a deal
+of merriment even if they were not entirely free from sting. After
+dinner there was vaudeville. The star gave some imitations of a _cafe
+chantant_ which brought down the house. The musical director had
+composed a skit which he called "Very Grand Opera." The theme hinged on
+a leave-taking of one or more characters from the other. The book
+consisted of one word; _farewell_. I had never realized how long-winded
+the farewells of opera are until I heard the parody. The humour of it
+quite spoiled the tender duos, trios and choruses of the genuine
+article.
+
+Dear old Mr. and Mrs. ---- contributed a cake-walk. No one suspected the
+grumpy old gentleman to have so much ginger in him. A good old Virginia
+reel and "Tucker" limbered everybody into action.
+
+Before we dispersed, old Santa Claus--impersonated by one of the walking
+gentlemen--again donned his beard and buckskin and accompanied by a
+noisy crew carried the great tree to the boarding-house where the
+child-actress of the company was staying. At the street end of the alley
+which led from the stage-entrance a big burly policeman stopped them;
+they _were_ noisy to be sure. But even the officer laughed when Santy
+touched him on the arm and in a "tough" dialect asked him, "Say Bill, do
+youse believe in fairies?"
+
+If Will had any experiences in Boston only one came under my notice;
+rather, it was forced upon me. It was during the second week of the
+engagement that Will began to bring me violets. Now, he had not shown me
+this attention for several years. I was too much flattered at the time
+to notice that the flowers always came on matinee days, after the
+performance. Will generally took a walk after a matinee. He said it
+refreshed him for the evening performance. He would come in, glowing
+from the exercise, simply radiating health and energy. I knew what time
+to expect him and I would sit listening for the elevator to stop on our
+floor. I knew Will's step the minute he came down the hall. When he
+opened the door I instinctively sniffed the fresh air he brought in with
+him. I liked to feel his cold cheek against mine ... and to hear him
+puff and growl to amuse Boy as he pulled off his heavy coat. He was
+irresistible. The violets came in a purple box with the imprint of the
+florist in gold letters. The first time he brought them he set the box
+on the table without handing them to me. One of my weaknesses is
+flowers.
+
+"What's this?" I asked, pouncing upon the box.
+
+"Open it and see," he answered with one of his quizzical sidelong
+glances.
+
+"For me?" I asked a little dubiously. I lost no time in opening the box.
+If the shadow of a thought that an admirer of Will's had sent him the
+flowers flitted across my mind it was lost in Will's smile as he
+answered,
+
+"For my best girl."
+
+I buried my face in their cool depths. "Violets! O, the beauties! I like
+the single variety best, don't you, Will? They're so fresh and woodsy."
+Then my conscience smote me. Violets are expensive this time of year.
+"Will--weren't they _horribly_ expensive?" Just the same I was pleased
+to death--as I had heard matinee girls say--and I made up my mind to
+forego something I needed to offset Will's flattering extravagance. I
+nursed and tended those violets until the next matinee day came round.
+When they faded I pressed them between blotting paper, intending when I
+got back home to put them away with other flowers Will had given me....
+
+It was on Tuesday, the day after Christmas. I had gone out with Mrs.
+Mollett to tea at a woman's club. The violets Will had brought me after
+the Christmas matinee were reinforced by some lilies of the valley. The
+huge bouquet looked particularly smart against my fur coat. Mrs.
+Mollett and I were late in getting back. I felt sure I should miss Will,
+who was going out to dinner with some friends at a club. As I passed
+through the hall to the lift a bell-boy overtook me. He told me there
+was someone in the parlour waiting to see me. I asked for a card but
+none had been sent. Wondering who could be calling on me--I had so few
+acquaintances in Boston--and anticipating a pleasant surprise I followed
+the boy to the parlour on the second floor. It was a large room and I
+stopped in the portiered doorway half expectantly. The only occupant of
+the room was a tall person--whether woman or girl I could not discern.
+She stood with her back to the door, looking out the window. As she
+glanced over her shoulder with no sign of recognition I turned to go.
+The bell-boy, however, had waited behind me. "That's the lady who asked
+for you over there." He approached the girl, who turned timidly.
+
+"You wanted to see Mrs. Hartley, didn't you? This is she."
+
+It was probably the surprise of hearing correct English from the lips of
+a bell-boy which diverted my attention for a second. When I looked at
+the visitor I saw that she had flushed and was overcome with confusion.
+
+"There is--there appears to be some mistake," she stammered, addressing
+herself to the retreating boy and averting my gaze. "I asked to see Mr.
+Hartley--Mr. William Hartley," she called after the boy, though her
+voice was scarcely audible. She looked toward the door in a bewildered
+manner as if her only desire was to get away. There was something so
+distressing, so pathetic about her embarrassment; not a modicum of
+_savoir faire_ or bluff to help her out. I found myself saying in a
+kindly tone that only added oil to the flames: "I am Mrs. Hartley; Mrs.
+William Hartley. Is there anything I can do?"
+
+For a full minute we stood and looked at each other. Under the full
+light, which the boy had switched on as he went out, her face and figure
+were sharply limned. A tall woman has always the best of it in any
+controversy, though I am sure my _vis-a-vis_ did not realize her
+advantage. If her mind was as confused as her face indicated she was to
+be pitied. She was not merely a plain woman; she was the epitome of
+plainness. Nature had not given her a single redeeming feature; there
+was not even a hint of sauciness to the upturned nose; not a
+speculative quirk to the corner of the mouth or a fetching droop to the
+eyelids which sometimes illuminates the plainest of faces. Perhaps she
+realized the niggardliness of her gifts. There was an evident attempt at
+primping. Her hat sat uneasily upon a head unaccustomed to the
+hair-dresser's art. The shoes, too, I felt, were painful: they were so
+new and the heels so high, and unstable--a radical departure from the
+common-sense last which was as much a component part of her as the feet
+themselves. I visualized her home, her life and her commonplace
+associates ... the eternal illusion of the stage ... Will's magnetism,
+combined with the perfections and never-failing nobility of the stage
+hero.... I saw it all as clearly as I saw the strained,
+vari-expressioned face before me. All this in a brief fleeting moment. I
+smiled encouragingly. Her eyes met mine, then wavered and drooped, and
+drooping rested upon the violets--and we both understood....
+
+"Won't you sit down?" I said, leading the way to a divan with the idea
+of easing the situation. "Do have a pillow!--there, is that more
+comfortable? These sofas seem never to fit in to one's back.... I'm
+sorry Mr. Hartley is not in. Usually he _is_ in at this hour, but
+to-night he is dining out. I know he will be sorry to have missed you,
+for I am sure he wants to thank you in person for the lovely flowers.
+Yes, he told me all about it and we both appreciated your sweetness in
+sending them. I hope Mr. Hartley wrote and properly thanked you,"--I
+rattled on, hoping to give her time to recover herself. "He is, as a
+rule, quite punctilious in these matters, but with the holidays and the
+extra matinees--" I finished with an expressive shrug. There was a
+disheartening silence.
+
+"I think I must be going," she faltered at last, waiting for me to rise.
+"I'm afraid I've kept you too long.... You've been very kind.... I hope
+you haven't been shocked by ... by ... the unconventional way I...." Her
+speech came in jerks.
+
+"Not at all," I answered, jumping in and anticipating my cue. "Not at
+all!" I reiterated, injecting more warmth in the confirmation than I
+intended. I walked with her to the elevator. "I'm sorry it is so late or
+I would ask you to stop for a cup of tea. But you will come again, won't
+you?--perhaps you'll telephone me one morning--not _too_ early----" I
+laughed a little as I pressed the button--"we're not early risers, and
+we'll arrange a time when Mr. Hartley can be with us. I want you to meet
+the boy--O, yes, we've got a baby, too! Of course, _we_ think him the
+most wonderful baby in the world. Aren't parents a conceited lot?" ... I
+pressed her limp hand and smiled good-byes as the lift bore her out of
+sight.
+
+Then the smile went out of me. I felt angry with myself: I felt I had
+overdone it. What was the woman to me that I should exert myself to put
+her at ease with herself? She was but one of the silly creatures who
+"chase" the actor and pander to his vanity. I regretted the impulse
+which prompted me to ask her to tea. Truly, I had made a fool of
+myself.... At least, I had prevented her from making a farther fool of
+herself--and of me....
+
+I went to my room but did not turn on the light for fear of attracting
+Experience, whose room was across the court. She was probably waiting
+for me. I wanted to be alone. I removed the violets from my coat. My
+first impulse was to throw them out the window; then I thought better of
+it--and of her. They represented a woman's illusions--no, two women's
+illusions.... Will had deliberately fooled me; even Miss Merdell, the
+tall good-looker, knew he was fooling me. That was what she meant when
+she chaffed him about the violets at the Christmas party. Perhaps it was
+not of great consequence, but, does a woman ever forgive a man for
+wounding her self-respect?...
+
+I did not look at Will when I told him of the visitor. He extricated
+himself gracefully. He said he thought my perspicacity would have made
+me tumble to the truth and when I didn't he concluded it was a shame to
+put me wise. And, after all, what did it matter? He had brought the
+flowers home to me when it was an easy matter to have turned them over
+to the extra girls....
+
+Miss Gorr--that was her name--came to tea; in fact, she came several
+times. Will declared she was in a fair way of becoming a bore.
+
+"For Heaven's sake, don't turn her loose on me," he expostulated. "I'm
+willing to give her photographs and advice but I don't want to be seen
+about with a freak like that!"
+
+I caught myself wondering--and I was ashamed of the thought--whether
+Will would have been bored were Miss Gorr not so hopelessly plain. Alice
+was _smart_ and there had been others and would probably be more to
+come. I reached the point where I could shrug my shoulders
+indifferently. It was all a part of the game and I was learning to play
+it....
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX
+
+
+Following Boston, the company played Philadelphia, Baltimore and
+Pittsburgh. Each city has its distinguishing characteristics, but
+certain types are to be found all over the country. There is always the
+"fly" married woman hanging about hotel lobbies, lying in wait for the
+actor or any dapper visitor who, like herself, is seeking diversion. She
+drops in for a cock-tail or a high-ball and looks things over. She has a
+sign manual of her own. The headwaiters know her and wink significantly
+when she comes in with her friends. These women are not prostitutes in
+the general acceptance of the word. They are products of our leisure
+class. Their husbands are business or professional men in good standing.
+With comfortable, even luxurious homes, or a stagnant life in a modern
+hotel, time hangs heavily upon their hands. They have no intellectual
+pursuits other than bridge and the "best seller." They pander to their
+worst desires and wallow in their alcoholic-fed passions. These are the
+_stall-feds_; the drones; the wasters; the menace to the womanhood of
+America. These are they who are grist to the divorce mills; who clog the
+yellow press with prurient tales of passion; who stigmatize innocent
+children and handicap them even before birth; who breed and interbreed
+with such unconcern that it is indeed a wise child that knows its own
+father. And in the end, when the Nemesis of faded charms overtakes them,
+the army of harlots is swelled.
+
+The "neglected wife" has become a hoary old joke. It is worked to death.
+My husband is responsible for the statement that in nine cases out of
+ten women use this excuse to condone their own infidelity. "My husband
+doesn't understand me; he knows nothing but business, business,
+business. He doesn't realize there is another side to my nature which is
+utterly starved." Or, "My husband is interested elsewhere. What am I to
+do? For the sake of the children I don't want a divorce, and I am too
+proud to let him see how I feel it. I am only human."
+
+That there are neglected wives a-plenty is a truism. But it is a
+spurious brand of pride which sends a woman roaming, seeking the
+consolation of the Toms, Dicks and Harrys of the world. As for the
+children, there are greater evils than divorce. The influence of a house
+divided against itself, the surcharged atmosphere of deceit and
+degrading quarrels cannot fail to impregnate a child's mind, and
+probably at a time when character is being formed.
+
+It is a lucky thing for the honour of the family that the actor is not
+less scrupulous. "They who kiss and run away may live to kiss another
+day" is probably indicative of the worst of his peccadillos. He takes
+the goods the gods provide and credits so much popularity unto his
+irresistible self. If occasionally he is "caught with the goods" it
+makes good copy for the yellows. Incidentally it advertises the actor.
+The woman pays the piper. "What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the
+gander" is likely to remain a nebulous supposition.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+There is only one Chicago. Other cities--Pittsburgh and Cincinnati
+notably--may be commonplace or vulgar, but Chicago is the epitome of
+commonplace vulgarity. It struck me forcibly as I looked over the
+first-night audience. The men are commonplace; the women vulgar. The
+women impress one as ex-waitresses from cheap eating houses or
+sales-"ladies" who have married well. Few of the male population appear
+to own a dress-suit. The women wear ready-made suits with picture hats
+and a plentiful sprinkling of gaudy jewelry. Some of them "make-up"
+atrociously. Their manners are as breezy as the wind from the lake and
+they "make you one of them" the first time you meet. If there is a
+cultured set in Chicago the actor never meets them; it probably resides
+in Chicago through force of circumstances, not through choice. The
+middle class is super-commonplace. The smart set isn't smart; only fast
+and loose. Chicago is a good "show-town." It might be better if managers
+kept their word to send out the original companies. The Western
+metropolis resents a slight to its dignity.
+
+Will's management, therefore, played a trump card when it sent the New
+York production and players. The house was sold out for weeks in
+advance. It was evidenced on the opening night that Will had left a good
+impression in Chicago from former visits. He received a hand on his
+entrance. When a supporting actor is thus remembered it proves his
+popularity.
+
+After the performance we went to the College Inn with some friends of
+Will's. Everybody who is _anybody_ goes to that ill-ventilated hole
+below stairs; one gets a sort of _revue_ of the town's follies. Chicago
+is hopelessly provincial. There is a profound intimacy with other
+people's affairs. Such purveyors of privacy as the Clubfellow and Town
+Topics must find it no easy matter to get copy which is not already
+common property, with the edge taken off. Our host and hostess of the
+evening kept up a running fire of gossip concerning the people about us.
+
+At a table near-by sat a gross looking woman with a combative eye. Her
+escort was a pliable, colourless youth, who, I assumed, was her son.
+This person was on bowing terms with many of the _habitues_ of the Inn.
+A number of actors lingered at her table and laughed effectively at her
+sallies. When Will told me she was a certain female critic on a Chicago
+newspaper I understood the homage paid her. I did not understand,
+however, her reason for marrying the youth I assumed was her son. Our
+hostess said something about the "grateful age" which I didn't
+understand. The lady critic wrote with a venomous pen when mood or
+grudge impelled her. Many an actor writhed under her lashes. It was
+rumoured, however, that her bark was a great deal worse than her bite
+and that if one approached her "in the right way" "she would eat out of
+your hand."
+
+Ever since a person revelling under a euphonious _nom de plume_, which
+recalls to mind the romantic days of Robin Hood, perverted the function
+of dramatic criticism, imitators have sprung up all over the country.
+"Imitation is the truest flattery." To be caustically funny at the
+expense of truth, to deal in impudent personalia, to lose one's dignity
+in belittling that of others is the construction of the gentle art of
+criticism which American reviewers reserve unto themselves.
+
+Will's friends were a convivial lot. Before the evening was over our
+party had been considerably augmented. Each newcomer added another round
+of drinks. "Have one with me" is a strictly American characteristic.
+When we broke up I had a handful of cards and a confused list of tea,
+dinner and supper engagements. Fortunately I was not the only one to
+get mixed. Several of the whilom hostesses simplified matters by
+forgetting the invitations they had extended.
+
+While we were waiting for the automobile one of the women chaffed Will
+in the following manner: "Why, you sly, handsome pup! You never told me
+you were married when you were here before."
+
+"I supposed you knew," was Will's response.
+
+"O, you did! Um! I never say anything about being married, either, when
+I go away for a lark.... Never mind, I'll forgive you if you'll call me
+up. Where are you stopping? How long is your wife going to be in town?"
+The rest was drowned in the approach of the car.
+
+We did not go to Mamma Heward's this time. Heretofore when Will played
+Chicago we had lived at a theatrical boarding-house kept by a dear
+little old Scotch lady. Her's was one of the few good ones throughout
+the country. Unfortunately one had to take a long trolley ride to reach
+her house and Will's performances ended late. Then, too, he had heard
+that the table had gone off and that the service was inadequate. I
+imagine, however, that Will felt he had outgrown the boarding-house
+days. He decided upon a family hotel on the north side.
+
+During the week I called on Mamma Heward and took Boy with me. It was
+the first time she had seen him and she raved over him sufficiently to
+satisfy even a young mother's vanity. She enquired after Will and had
+kept in touch with his progress. She had always been fond of him and had
+dubbed him Bobby Burns, whom he somewhat resembled. I saw she felt hurt
+by our apparent desertion and tried to assure her that we should be much
+happier and more comfortable with her; that if it were not for the
+distance from the theatre----
+
+The dear little old lady patted my hand as if to spare me further
+dissemblance.
+
+"That's the excuse they all give, but it's no farther than ever it was
+and the theatres are as near as ever they were," she said sadly, the
+Scotch burr falling musically upon the ear. "It isn't that.... They're
+forgetting me now they're getting up in the world. It didn't use to be
+too far when they couldn't pay more than eight or ten dollars a week for
+their board ... and the little suppers Mamma had waiting for them after
+the theatre...."
+
+She sighed but there was no trace of bitterness. "It's what you must
+expect when you get old and worn out.... It's the way of the world and
+God was always harder on women than he is on men."
+
+There was no answer I could make; I could not have spoken had there been
+anything to say. I felt choked and on the verge of tears. It was all so
+pitiful. There was an air of desolation about the place. The warmth
+which prosperity radiates was no longer evident. Where formerly there
+had been leading players, even a star or two, now there were only the
+lower ranks, and but few of them. Nothing remained of the good old days
+save the rows and rows of photographs which lined the walls, all of them
+autographed and inscribed "With love, to Mamma Heward." Arm in arm we
+reviewed this galaxy of players.
+
+"There is ----," she said, stopping in front of a well-known actor. "And
+that's his first wife. She was a dear, good girl. I'm afraid Herbert
+didn't treat her as well as he should. Many's the time she has cried out
+her heart in Mamma's arms.... She's married again--no, not an
+actor--and she's got two boys, the littlest one the size of yours....
+Now could you ever guess who that is? Yes, that's ---- when he was leading
+man with Modjeska. The women were crazy about him.... And he was a
+dear--such a kind-hearted man. I remember once how he kept the furnace
+going when our man got drunk and disappeared for three days. If only I
+had a picture of him shovelling in coal--his sleeves rolled up and
+spouting Macbeth at the top of his lungs.... Dear old Morry! He was his
+own worst enemy...."
+
+She sighed heavily over the actor's bad end. "And there! Do you
+recognize that? And isn't the boy the livin' image of his father?"
+
+I looked more closely at the photograph. Boy's resemblance to his father
+was even more clearly marked in some of Will's earlier pictures.
+
+"Do you remember the first time you came to me? You hadn't been married
+long. You had a dog, a bull terrier pup. Let me think, now, what was his
+name? Yes, Billy, that's it! And do you mind how ye locked him up in
+your bathroom when you went to the theatre and how he ate the matting
+off the floor while ye was gone?"
+
+We both laughed at the recollection, though I had not laughed at the
+time. I was in fear lest Billy be relegated to the cellar where he would
+cry out his puppy heart. But Mamma Heward was never in a bad humour. She
+was all kindness and consideration ... and now she was getting old and
+could no longer please an exacting clientele. The cost of living had
+gone up; rents were higher; but the little old lady could get no more
+for her rooms. To make both ends meet she dispensed first with one
+servant, then with another, until she and one frail daughter shared the
+entire work of the house. It was no easy matter to cook and serve a
+dozen breakfasts in the rooms at any and all hours; to cater and prepare
+meals and then to wait up until midnight that the players might have a
+hot supper after the performance. How many of those whom she had tided
+over the hard times, how many who had "stood her up" for a board bill,
+or whom she had nursed in times of illness, remembered her now in her
+time of need?
+
+"I'm not finding fault," she said softly, breaking a long silence while
+we looked beyond the pictures. "I don't blame them for not coming here
+to live ... only--I wish they'd drop in to see me sometimes when they
+come to town, just for auld lang syne...."
+
+When I told Will of my visit he looked very serious. I am sure he felt
+sorry we had not gone back to her. The next day we went together to see
+her. Will took her a bottle of port wine. Later he sent her two seats
+for the performance and I promised her that the next time we came to
+Chicago we should stay with her, even if Will were a star....
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X
+
+
+Will's friends certainly provided one continual round of pleasure, if
+dissipation may be classed under that head. I was brought to wonder how
+they found time for "the petty round of irritating concerns and duties"
+of life. They appeared always to be dining or lunching out. One met them
+in the various restaurants at all hours, drinking round upon round of
+cocktails, and polishing them off with cognac. The Pompeian room at the
+Annex between five and six in the afternoon is Chicago typified. The
+artistic gentleman who conceived the decorative scheme of the Pompeian
+room had a sly sense of the eternal fitness of things. He also knew his
+Chicago. The great bacchic amphorae--copies of those classic receptacles
+utilized as relief stations by old Romans who had wined too well--are
+concrete reminders of his sense of humour. I have seen more women in
+Chicago under the influence of liquor than in any other city in the
+world. This probably accounts for their low standard of morality as
+well as for the emotional debauches in which they indulge.
+
+There was one couple typical of the class of high-flyers in which
+Chicago abounds. The husband was a throat specialist with a splendid
+practice. He was popular among stage-folk. Will had met the doctor and
+his wife during a former engagement. The wife expressed herself as
+"strong for" Will. Scarcely a day passed without a telephone message or
+a call from Mrs. Pease. She would drop in at the most inopportune times.
+"Don't mind me," she would say, settling herself comfortably. "I've seen
+gentlemen in dressing-gowns before. That red is very becoming to your
+peculiar style of beauty, sir. Nothing if not artistic."
+
+Mrs. Pease was a tall woman, built on the slab style. She affected
+mannish tailormades and heavy boots. When she sat down she invariably
+crossed her legs. The extremities she exhibited were not prepossessing.
+She was also expert in innuendo and _double entente_. She flirted
+outrageously with Will and made me feel like the person in the song,
+"Always in the way." In fact I came to the conclusion that wherever we
+went I was accepted as a necessary evil--among the women. There was
+always a "pairing off" after dinner or supper; surreptitious
+_rendezvous_ in the obscure cosey corners; _sotto voce_ conversations,
+not intended for my ears. I found myself getting the habit of talking
+stupid nonsense with persons in whom I was not interested, simply to
+cover the follies of the others.
+
+The men flattered me. Flattery is a habit with men; they think most
+women expect it--and they do. After a little practice a woman can tell
+to a certainty just what a man is going to say under certain conditions.
+How can any one be flattered by the saccharine platitudes which are
+ground out automatically like chewing-gum from a slot-machine? So few
+women have a sense of humour. They have less self-respect.
+
+Chicago lake-wind claimed me for a victim. I came down with a bad
+throat. Will insisted upon my consulting his physician friend. He was a
+handsome chap--this popular Doctor Pease--as blonde as Will was dark,
+but already marked with the ravages of dissipation. He had a genial
+raillery which made it almost impossible to take him seriously. I did
+not know whether it was a part of the treatment to unbare my throat and
+shoulders and sound my lungs and to let his hand linger on the uncovered
+flesh, but I didn't like it. Neither did I believe my age, my weight and
+my bust measure had any connection with my throat trouble. Of course I
+didn't tell Will anything about it, but the next time I needed treatment
+I asked him to accompany me. Will liked the doctor, so I kept my own
+counsel.
+
+One noon-day Mrs. Pease telephoned that they were going off on a motor
+trip for a tour of the country clubs, at one of which they had planned
+to dine. They wanted me to join them and after the matinee they would
+send a car to pick up Will, and return him in time for the evening
+performance. I told Will I did not want to go, giving the excuse that my
+throat was still sore. Mrs. Pease answered that the doctor said the air
+would do me good and that he would be responsible for me. I endeavoured
+to compromise by promising to meet them at the theatre after the matinee
+when they picked up Will, but the doctor himself came to the 'phone and
+Will decided for me.
+
+When the telephone announced the arrival of the party I went down to the
+reception room, where I found the doctor awaiting me. He bundled me
+into my great fur coat and insisted upon my wearing a fur cap his wife
+had sent me. He cautioned me to wrap up well, as the car was an open
+one. When we went out, as I supposed, to join the others, I was
+surprised to find that the doctor was alone.
+
+"The rest of them have gone on ahead," he answered my enquiring look. "I
+was detained at the office and told them not to wait on us. We'll
+overtake them if the car is in good shape."
+
+I felt strangely uncomfortable as I took my seat beside him in the
+racing machine. He secured the robes about me with his easy familiarity
+and tucked me in with a good deal of care. As he seated himself at the
+wheel and drew on his gloves he smiled at me and asked whether I was
+timid. He said he made it a rule to kiss a woman whenever she screamed.
+That was not a propitious beginning, I thought. The doctor drove
+skillfully, although recklessly.
+
+The boulevard system of Chicago is an excellent one. We covered miles of
+smooth paving, from which the snow had been removed, before we reached
+the country roads. After he had "let her out a bit" and showed me what
+she could do, he slowed up and turned to me with a little laugh, "That's
+going some, isn't it?" It struck me at the time that "going some" was
+probably the motto on the city's escutcheon. Everybody wants to be
+faster than everybody else.
+
+The air _was_ exhilarating. My face tingled from the contact with the
+wind. The doctor's glances made me uncomfortable. "You look like a
+rosy-cheeked boy," he said. "I'd like to bite you." I silently thanked
+the stars the car was an open one.
+
+Farther on we stopped at a country club. The doctor said it was a long
+time between drinks. As we drove into the club-grounds I noticed another
+motor under the shed. I hoped it might belong to other members of the
+party. The doctor made straight for the shed. When I looked at the deep
+snow, and only a narrow path cleared to the club house, I apprehended
+some silliness on the part of my host.
+
+Disregarding his suggestion to sit still while he put up his machine, I
+climbed down and picked my way over the slippery path. I had not gone
+far when the doctor overtook me and, seizing me from behind, lifted me
+in his arms. Not even the presence of the men shovelling snow prevented.
+My first impulse was to free myself, and I believe I administered a kick
+or two. The more I remonstrated the more he laughed. The picture of
+making a ridiculous show of myself made me submit to being carried the
+rest of the way.
+
+After ushering me into the living-room the doctor had the good sense to
+leave me alone for a while. By the time he appeared I had sufficiently
+recovered my equilibrium to receive him frostily. My dignity was lost on
+him. He pulled up a great armchair in front of the roaring fire and bade
+me drink the hot scotch the waiter at that moment brought in. A subdued
+titter from an obscure corner of the room sent the doctor in search of
+other occupants. He discovered them behind a screen.
+
+"Aha!" he greeted them in mock-seriousness. "Discovered!"
+
+"Stung"; responded a masculine voice. "So this is why you wouldn't join
+our party, eh? You sneaked off by yourselves. I didn't think anybody but
+me would have the nerve to try this place so soon after the snow-storm."
+
+"Neither did we!"
+
+"For Heaven's sake don't give us away, will you?" It was the woman who
+spoke.... "Who've you got with you?" she added in a lower tone.
+
+"O, a little friend of mine," answered the doctor. "Come over and meet
+her. I think you know her husband--Hartley, the actor."
+
+I fear the couple whose _rendezvous_ we had discovered were not
+impressed with the popular actor's wife. My conversation was limited to
+monosyllables. The omission, I fancy, was not serious. They had their
+own topic of conversation. It revolved chiefly around the tenth
+commandment. In fact, one might conclude with perfect assurance that the
+seventh and the last of the commandments are the _raison d'etre_ of all
+conversation among that set.... I lost count of the drinks. The doctor
+said that in the future he would provide Maraschino cherries by the
+bottle for my especial delectation.
+
+When we left the club it was dark. The doctor's friends went at the same
+time. They had a chauffeur. The doctor's bloodshot eyes made me wish we,
+too, had one. The cold air, happily, set him right. He drove more
+carefully than earlier in the day. Perhaps he recognized his own
+condition. Once he slowed down and looked at his watch.
+
+"We're going to be late," he said. "I've half a mind to telephone that
+we've picked up a puncture and have gone back to town for repairs. What
+do you say?" He appeared to be turning the matter over in his mind, but
+I could see that he was not taking me into consideration.
+
+"No, we can't do that," I said without too much emphasis. "Mr. Hartley
+would be worried."
+
+He smiled at me as he replaced his watch. "Yes, I guess you're right; it
+will have to wait until some other time." He patted the covers above my
+lap. "Little Girl," he murmured, rather too tenderly. I was glad I could
+not see his eyes. The car shot ahead. For the next half hour I had a
+bewildering sense of flying over the snow-clad earth, coming now and
+then in contact with it as the car struck a rut. The lights, striking
+against the stalactited branches of the trees and foliage, scintillated
+like the tiara of a comic-opera star--or the Diamond Horseshoe on
+society night at the Metropolitan.
+
+We were the last ones to arrive at the country club where we were to
+dine. This time the doctor dropped me at the door. Someone was drumming
+the piano as I came in. By the time I had taken off my wraps the doctor
+joined me. There was a general noisy greeting when we entered the great
+hall. Nearly all of the women I had met before. "I thought the doctor
+had smashed you up," one of them said. "Or punctured a tire and gone
+back to town," another added, giving the doctor a broad wink.
+
+"Leila's gone back to town to get Mr. Hartley," volunteered someone
+else. (Leila was Mrs. Pease.)
+
+I settled myself in a niche of the chimney-seat, hoping to thaw out
+eventually. I was chilled to the very depths of my being, and it was not
+altogether physical. There were lots and lots of cocktails before
+dinner. Judging from the spirits of the company there had been a few
+before we arrived. When I heard that Mrs. Pease herself was driving the
+car in which she had gone to fetch Will, I had visions of his being
+dumped into a snow-bank or of colliding with a trolley. It seemed an
+interminable time until they appeared. We had reached the entree. There
+was a noisy greeting and a round of sallies.
+
+"Explain yourself!"
+
+"We thought you'd eloped or got locked up for speeding!"
+
+"Stopped on the road, I'll bet," said the doctor, who had risen and
+grasped Will's hand. Will waved to me across the table.
+
+"O, you actor!" came from the woman at my right but one. I recognized
+the person who had reproved Will after the supper at the College Inn on
+the opening night.
+
+When the champagne was served Will raised his glass to me.
+
+"Drink it--it won't hurt you; you look tired," he said, in a stage
+whisper.
+
+"Stop flirting with your wife!" remonstrated Mrs. Pease. "Doc--_Doc_!"
+(The doctor was busy with a little blonde lady on the left.) He turned
+enquiringly to his wife's bleat. "You're neglecting your patient.
+Handsome Willy here says his wife is pale and wants to know what you've
+been doing to her!"
+
+The doctor leaned over me solicitously. "Never mind--I'm the doctor."
+For the rest of the meal he devoted himself to me.
+
+During the dinner a party of five came in and sat at another table. Two
+of them proved to be the couple we had met at the other country club.
+The man winked discreetly to the doctor.
+
+"Ye gods!" exclaimed the woman at my left but one. "It's Sid!--and I'm
+supposed to be home, sick in bed with a headache!"
+
+She looked at the man I had met and I assumed he was "Sid." "Damn such a
+town, anyway, where you can't go out without running into your own
+husband. Doc, who's he got with him?" She leered across the room at
+"Sid's" good-looking companions.
+
+"Never mind, Bell," soothed the doctor, "neither of you have got
+anything on the other."
+
+Bell blew him a kiss. "Dear old pain-killer!" she purred.
+
+A little later "Sid" came over to the table and the doctor joined the
+other party. Sid's wife started to introduce him to me.
+
+"I've met the lady," he interrupted, not giving me credit for any
+discretion.
+
+"O, you have," she said in an unpleasant tone.
+
+As he passed on behind her chair he said to her _sotto voce_,
+"Headache, eh? I like the way you lie."
+
+"O, you go to hell!" was the gentle rejoinder. There was still a trace
+of the anger which illuminated her bleary eyes when she turned to me.
+"What do you think of him trying to put it over me?"
+
+She steered back to the subject which was on her mind. Where had I met
+her husband and when? I told her I didn't recall--that he was probably
+mistaken. She knew I was lying. I am sure I don't know why I did it.
+
+Someone started telling funny stories. They were not really funny; only
+smutty. The women were more daring than the men. Will always declared
+that women were "whole hoggers" when once they started. I presume they
+labour under the impression that it is sporty or that it pleases the men
+"to go them one better." Ever since Eve was made for Adam's pleasure the
+female sex has been as pliable as the original mixture of mud and a
+floating rib. Women, generally, are what men want them to be....
+
+As time went by I began to fret lest Will be late for the evening
+performance. Finally I caught his eye and he understood my message. He
+looked at his watch and jumped to his feet. "Doc, what's the best time
+your machine can make? I've got precisely twenty minutes before the
+curtain goes up."
+
+"I'll get you there," answered the doctor as he left the table.
+
+"I'll drive him in," called the doctor's wife.
+
+"No, I guess not!" he answered over his shoulder. I devoutly, if mutely,
+thanked heaven. I am sure the doctor realized that his wife was "three
+sheets to the wind"--to use Will's favourite expression.
+
+I made my adieus and rose to follow Will.
+
+"Where are you going?" called Mrs. Pease. "No, you don't--you don't
+shake us like this! Willy, tell your wife to sit down and behave
+herself." In vain I expostulated that I must go back to the baby. "Never
+mind the kiddie; he's asleep and don't even know he's got a mother." She
+followed us into the hall where the doctor and Will were hurrying into
+their fur coats.
+
+"You can't go this trip, little lady," and the doctor pushed me out of
+the draughty doorway. "There's no room in the car and we're going to
+ride like hell." I appealed mutely to Will, who drew me aside.
+
+"Stick it out a little longer, girlie. They'll feel hurt if you don't.
+You can telephone to the hotel if you're anxious about the boy." He
+kissed me lightly. I felt on the verge of rebellion.
+
+"Shall you be late?" I managed.
+
+"No--unless something breaks down on the way. I'm not on until after the
+rise, and if necessary I'll go on without my make-up."
+
+"Come on, Hartley!" The doctor was already at the wheel. We watched them
+spurt ahead.
+
+"I hope your husband's insured," gurgled one of the women.... I felt
+sick and wretched. I wanted to go home, even if it were only a hotel
+room. Home was where Boy was. I had a wild impulse of stealing out
+unnoticed and asking my way to the nearest trolley line. Then I
+remembered I had not a cent in my purse.
+
+The return of the doctor relieved my mind as to Will's safe arrival. I
+comforted myself with the thought that the party would soon break up.
+The diners across the room had joined us before the return of the
+doctor. There was another round of liqueurs and at last someone moved to
+break up. "Sid's" wife, whose tongue was getting thick, suggested that
+we all go for a drive and end up by having supper at Rector's. There was
+general acquiescence. "Let's make a night of it," was the slogan.
+
+While the others were dividing themselves to suit the accommodation of
+the various automobiles, Mrs. Pease and I went to the dressing-room.
+"Lord! Don't I look a sight?" she exclaimed, scanning her reflection in
+the mirror. "That's the worst of booze; it makes me white around the
+gills." She daubed on a bit of rouge and patted it over with a powder
+puff. I took advantage of our tete-a-tete and asked her if she would be
+so good as to arrange to drop me at my hotel on the way back.
+
+"Why, my dear, you're not going home yet; you're going right along with
+us."
+
+"I really must not.... Mr. Hartley wouldn't approve, I know. I have not
+been well and----"
+
+"Rot! You leave that to the doctor. He'll stop and leave a note at the
+theatre.... Doc! _Doc!_ Come here...." The doctor peeped in the doorway.
+
+"O, come in--we're only powdering our noses," Mrs. Pease called to him.
+"Say, look here! Mrs. H. thinks hubby might not approve of her going on
+with us----"
+
+"I didn't mean--" I began.
+
+"I tell her you'll fix it up with him," she interrupted.
+
+"It's fixed--long ago. I told your husband we'd come for him after the
+show. He'll want a bite to eat anyway, and why not be sociable? He told
+me to tell you to be a good little sport and wait for him." He laid an
+arm around my shoulders and Mrs. Pease, still busy in front of the
+mirror, laughed in mock seriousness.
+
+"O, don't mind me!"
+
+"Did Mr. Hartley--did my husband say he expected me to wait?"
+
+"Sure Mike," broke in Mrs. Pease. "Doc, you go pilot that bunch so they
+don't butt into my preserves. Saidee is soused, and when Saidee gets
+soused she gets nasty drunk." The doctor disappeared. "I can't stand for
+women who don't know their capacity," Mrs. Pease continued, working on
+her complexion. "You're a wise little gazabo to go slow on the fizz. I
+watched you to-night, and the way you manipulated the glasses was a
+scream.... Do you know you made a great hit with the doctor? You're
+just his style--dark eyes, full bust and not 'higher than his heart.'
+... O, I'm not jealous! The Doc and I are on to each other." She winked
+at me and led the way to the hall.
+
+"On to each other." ... I mulled over the expression as I watched
+husbands and wives pairing off with and showing their preference for
+someone else. Everybody seemed to be "on to each other." It was a game
+of _stalemates_.
+
+I drove back with the doctor. There was no way out of it without making
+a scene. "Sid" and the doctor engaged in a brush along the road. The
+reckless speeding fitted in with my mood. There were moments when I
+almost wished that something would break and land me with some broken
+bones, if nothing more. I was smarting under Will's obvious lack of
+consideration; He knew the atmosphere was not a congenial one, yet he
+sacrificed me to it without hesitation. I wanted with all my heart to
+have him popular and sought after; I was willing to play the game--up to
+a certain point. But when the game entailed a loss of self-respect, of
+confidence, or of equivocation with one's better instincts, there I drew
+the line. It ceased to be worth the candle.
+
+I could no longer shut my eyes to the encroachments upon our happiness
+the very exigencies of his profession demanded. My passionate and
+childish efforts at blind man's buff were not convincing. The time had
+come when my husband and I must have a complete understanding. I must
+make clear to him how I felt. After that, if he were still blind to the
+dangers which threatened our life--no, I would not dwell on such a
+contingency. I felt sure Will would see things at their true valuation.
+For the first time that day I settled back to something approaching a
+state of composure. One always feels less perturbed after determining
+upon a course of action. I resolved to see the evening through with as
+much equanimity as possible. There was something grimly humorous about
+the situation: if Will really wanted to make a sport of me I was
+"cutting my eye-teeth" with a vengeance.
+
+So engaged was I with my own thoughts I had not noticed that we had
+slowed up. Coincidentally the car came to a stop. The doctor rose to his
+feet and looked behind him.
+
+"Anything wrong?" I questioned.
+
+"No; I only wanted to make sure the coast was clear."
+
+He knelt with one knee on the seat and pulled the robe about me from
+behind. With his free hand he raised my face close to his, and held me
+there.
+
+"I'm going to have one kiss from those luscious lips--if it takes a
+leg," he said.
+
+The doctor was a strong man. Will had often remarked that no one would
+suspect me of having so much strength. Yet I was a mere child in the
+doctor's hands. He pinioned my arms beneath the weight of his body. He
+kept his lips on mine until the strength oozed out of my finger-tips
+from sheer suffocation. When he raised his head it was only to look at
+me and breathing hard again to fasten himself upon me with a fiercer
+tremor which shook his whole frame.... Only once or twice in all our
+married life had Will kissed me like that. I had believed it an
+expression of purest love. I realized now that it connoted other
+emotions less pure.... "Baby! Baby!... Put your arms around my neck....
+You haven't fainted, have you?" ... He lifted me to my feet. I could not
+repress a hysterical sob. "There--that's better! I didn't mean to be so
+rough, but I'm mad about you. You drive me crazy! Kiss me of your own
+free will...."
+
+I succeeded in holding him back while I looked him in the eyes,
+struggling to express what my lips refused to say.... "O ... O...." I
+finally stammered. "Is it right?... Do you think it's right?..."
+
+Wholly misconstruing my words, he strained me to him and kissed me more
+tenderly, endeavouring to soothe me. "Right? Little boy, who the devil
+cares whether it's right or not! It's nice, isn't it? Don't you love
+it?"
+
+"My husband ... do you think it's right to him?..."
+
+Something of the disgust I felt must have pierced him, for he released
+me with a change of expression.
+
+"O, come now--don't spring that old gag on your friend the Doc.... What
+do you care as long as he doesn't get on to it?... You know as well as I
+do that a good-looking fellow in his profession has it thrown at him
+from all sides. You don't think he turns 'em _all_ down, do you? You've
+got too much sense for that.... Come on, now ... let's understand each
+other.... You're as safe with me as a babe on its mother's breast....
+I'll call you up on Saturday and we'll go off some place together ...
+where we can talk it over.... God, Baby! I'm crazy about you!..."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+When Will and I walked into our rooms at the hotel the little travelling
+clock on my bureau pointed the hour of three. I slipped out of the fur
+coat the doctor had loaned me and left it in a heap upon the floor. I
+don't know how long I stood contemplating space.... Then I heard him
+cross the room and pick up the coat. I felt his eyes fastened upon me. I
+roused myself and went into the bedroom, where I began to take down my
+hair in front of the mirror. Will followed me and I saw that he was
+watching me in the glass. After a moment he spoke to me.
+
+"Girlie ..." his voice was kind.... "You'll have to learn to gauge your
+capacity.... You're not a tank like the rest of the crowd.... Look at
+your face; it's as red as a red, red rose--and has been all evening."
+
+He patted me on the arm and went into the bathroom. I felt as if I were
+going to shriek.... _Will thought I was drunk...._ I looked at myself
+in the glass.... My face was drawn and there were red burning spots in
+my cheeks.... My eyes peered but like two burnt holes in a blanket....
+Yes, it was plain to see that I was not myself.... I smothered a burst
+of hysterical laughter.... I started toward the bathroom where Will was
+preparing for bed. I intended to tell him that in all, during the entire
+day, I had taken only one glass of champagne--and that at his
+request.... Then I stopped. I did not dare to trust myself.... I knew he
+would laugh and pet me and say he had not meant to criticize and then he
+would take me in his arms ... and I would cry it all out upon his
+heart.... I would tell him the whole miserable experience ... and he ...
+what would _he_ do? If he called the doctor to account there would be a
+scandal.... It would be degrading.... I could never endure it.... _And
+if he did not call the Doctor to account--if he merely cut him without
+demanding satisfaction_, I should _despise_ him--I should _hate_ him....
+"O, yes you would--you _know_ you would, though you wouldn't acknowledge
+it even to yourself" ... it was Miss Burton's voice.... "Take my
+advice--better not tell him at all." I switched off the light, so that
+Will could not see my face....
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI
+
+
+I revelled in the heavy cold which kept me indoors. No amount of urging
+or cajoling on the part of my husband could induce me to see the doctor.
+Were I to express a preference for some other physician, Will's
+suspicions might be aroused. Experience applied old-fashioned remedies
+and in a few days I was able to be about the room. Mrs. Pease telephoned
+daily and called several times in person. Will saw her, but Experience
+had been instructed that I could see no one. During my retirement I had
+turned things over in my mind, arguing _pro_ and _con_ the advisability
+of a thorough understanding with Will. It appeared to me that the danger
+of such a proceeding lay in the tearing down of barriers which could
+never again be replaced--a rending aside of all illusion between us.
+Heretofore I had refrained from any expression of animadversion of his
+profession or his conduct. If he suspected any dissatisfaction on my
+part he preferred to let it pass without comment.
+
+Spasmodically he indulged in bursts of confidence--confidences of the
+kind not calculated to improve my opinion of his profession. At such
+times he appeared fully to appreciate the corroding atmosphere in which
+he lived. He even contemplated retiring from the stage. These phases
+were rare, however, generally attending a disappointment in a role,
+discontent with an engagement or unfavourable criticism of his work. The
+mood soon passed and he appeared to be content with the ephemeral joys
+of the moment.
+
+The longer I brooded over the subject the less sure I became of any good
+to be attained by a frank expression of my mind. Were I to eliminate all
+circumlocution and say: "My husband, there is something fundamentally
+wrong with a profession which demands a compromise with one's best
+instincts," or "the class of people with which you come in daily contact
+make for your ultimate degradation," or, again, "I do not approve of
+your petty deceits, the complacency with which you accept moral
+obliquity, the low standard which permeates our entire life," this would
+call for amplification, an indulgence in personalities which could
+result only in a greater breach between us. I might even be accused of
+jealousy, inconsideration for his future, and a lack of faith in the
+man.
+
+It had often occurred to me that there was such a thing as too great
+intimacy, a too careless frankness between husband and wife! A lack of
+reserve which ended in a secret contempt for each other's weaknesses. To
+be tolerant of and to respect these weaknesses while striving to
+stimulate the best in each other's nature; in short, to be a complement,
+each to the other, this appeared to me the basic principle of marriage.
+And as I had done in the past I again fell back upon my inner self. I
+wanted, O, I so wanted to develop the best that was in him ... and there
+was much, nearly all of him was good. The danger lay in environment....
+
+One day--it was a week later that Will had planned to dine at the Press
+Club--I lay on the couch watching Boy. He sat on a fur rug on the floor,
+playing with Snyder. Experience had gone down to an early dinner. There
+was a knock on the door. I called out, "Come in." It was the doctor.
+
+"I took advantage of my professional capacity and came up unannounced,"
+he said, easily, without directly looking at me. He removed his coat
+and tickled Boy's face with the tail of the fur lining. Boy drew up his
+nose and laughed at the sensation, and the doctor dropped the coat upon
+the floor for him to play with. Then he squatted beside him while Boy
+stroked the fur and called it "cat." For several minutes the doctor
+busied himself with the child, deploring the deformities of Snyder and
+imitating a dog's bark.
+
+"Great boy, that!" he concluded, rising to his feet and taking a long
+breath.
+
+"Now, then, tell me all about it," he said, drawing up a chair in a
+purely professional manner and looking at me without a trace of
+self-consciousness. "You're pale; that's what you get for not sending
+for the doc. How's your pulse?" He reached for my hand and held it
+regardless of my frowning face.... "Rotten ... you need a tonic. I'll
+write a prescription right off." There was silence while he wrote. Then
+he rose, placed the slip of paper on the table, tossed the boy in the
+air and crossed back, looking down at me with his hands in his pockets.
+
+"Well, little girl, what have you got to say for yourself?... I suppose
+you're still sore on me ... forget it and forgive. I apologize. I acted
+like a beast, I know.... It was the booze. It got the better of my
+judgment. Just the same, _in vino veritas_, I was most terribly stuck on
+you--and still am--no, sit still! I'm cold sober.... I thought, of
+course, you were like the rest.... Come, shake hands with me and say all
+is forgiven. I saw your husband to-day and he told me to come and see
+you.... I knew then that it was all right.... I felt sure you had too
+much common sense to tell hubby.... When are you coming out of the
+nunnery?..." He threw himself into the chair and smiled genially. I was
+holding fast to something he had said: "I thought of course you were
+like the rest." ...
+
+"Doctor, will you answer me a question--truthfully, I mean?"
+
+"I will if I can," he flashed back at me.
+
+"You said a few minutes since that you had thought me like the rest. Who
+did you mean by 'the rest'--women as a class--the class you go about
+with--or the women of the stage?"
+
+"Well ... if you want the honest truth--I had actresses in mind when I
+spoke."
+
+"You believe actresses are any worse, even as bad, as the women I met
+at dinner last week?"
+
+"Um ... ye-s ... I think actresses would go farther."
+
+"_Go farther!_"
+
+"Yes. None of these women--at least not many of them--you've met would
+really go the limit. They do a good deal of playing around the edge, but
+it's only once in a while they get into a scrape.... Look here! I don't
+hold a brief for judging the relative virtues of women. I don't blame
+anybody for squeezing all the enjoyment they can out of life--for you
+don't know what's coming hereafter."
+
+The doctor showed signs of irritation....
+
+A sound from Boy suggested my next remark.
+
+"Suppose one has children?"
+
+"That's a horse of another colour.... Though when you come right down to
+it I don't see that a family cuts much ice. Children are for the most
+part accidents. They just happen. Their conception is the result of
+carelessness or laziness. Their ultimate arrival is accepted a good deal
+like a deluge or a fire; you do everything you can to stop it--to the
+verge of self-destruction--then you throw up your hands and accept the
+inevitable. There isn't one love child in a million. I mean a child of
+love in the sense of premeditated and welcome conception. Men and women
+marry for one of a half dozen reasons, most commonly because they
+believe they are in love. When the honeymoon wanes and you get right
+down to commonplace, every-day life in all its ugliness, we begin to
+feet that we've been buncoed. If we are truthful with ourselves we
+acknowledge a share of the bunco game. Way back in our subconscious mind
+the sensation of our courtship, the pursuit and the first mad moments of
+possession have stuck fast.... We fairly throb at the thought of them.
+We begin to hanker for a repetition of these sensuous dope-dreams....
+Presently we are off hot for the chase ... and a little dash of the
+forbidden fruit acts as a stimulant. Like all stimulants it becomes
+necessary to increase the dose after a while to insure efficacy. That's
+where we begin to slop over...." The doctor leaned back with the air of
+one who is satisfied with his diagnosis.
+
+"We are getting away from the subject," I remarked caustically.
+
+"Not a bit of it ... we're running along converging lines. The stage is
+the mart for the prettiest and most magnetic of women. A pretty woman
+may be moral, but the chances are against it. Every man looks upon her
+as so much legitimate loot. They differ only in their methods of getting
+away with it. Sometimes they effect a legitimate sale: this is what our
+social system calls marriage. More often the rate of exchange is
+usurious on the part of the man. It varies from a bottle of wine and a
+few pretty clothes to a diamond necklace and equally brilliant
+promises.... Now here's where our lines converge. The stage is a good
+place to show goods. Our eternal chase bids us go in and look 'em
+over--and--if you are in a mood to trade--to say nothing of having the
+price--you'll find a bevy of ambitious beauties with a keen eye to
+business."
+
+"You infer, then, that the society lady sins for love only--and that the
+actress bestows her affection for purely mercenary motives?"
+
+"I don't make any such broad distinction as that--but I believe the
+actress has always an eye on the main chance and that she wouldn't let a
+little thing like love interfere with business.... The society woman, on
+the other hand, usually goes wrong because she's unhappily married and
+tries to make up for what's missing by stealing a little happiness on
+the side."
+
+"Then I am to believe that the stories one reads about lovers who
+present other men's wives with bejewelled gold purses and other little
+feminine gew-gaws are wholly fictitious; pure emanations from the brain
+of newspaper reporters--or the French dramatist ... and from the divorce
+records?"
+
+The doctor threw back his head and roared like a lion....
+
+"Perhaps you'll be good enough to tell me under what head you classified
+me--being neither a love-lorn society lady nor an ambitious actress with
+an eye to the main chance...."
+
+The doctor sobered to the point of anger. "I have told you that I am
+sorry.... I have apologized.... After all, what are we rowing about?
+You've proved an alibi--you're not like the rest--so let's forget it."
+
+"I _can't_ forget it.... You are judging a whole class by a few
+individuals who share your perverted ideas ... individuals who would be
+immoral in a nunnery.... Would any of the women of your set--name any
+one of them--would she--_could_ she be less moral on the stage?
+Impossible! I don't believe you when you say none of them would 'go the
+limit!' Women who drink as much as they do; women whose tongues are
+furred with vulgar stories; women who proclaim they are '_on_ to their
+husbands' and that their husbands are _on_ to them and still continue to
+live under the same roof, occupy the same beds; women who write other
+women's husbands love letters and arrange places of assignation ... do
+you mean you do not _know_ these women 'go the limit'?" ... My
+indignation and resentment had swept me like a storm and left me weak
+and bedraggled. The doctor made no response.... I felt that he was
+watching me. After a while I proceeded more quietly....
+
+"The trouble with you, doctor, is that you form your opinions from the
+newspapers. The man who writes the head-lines believes it is his bounden
+duty to accentuate any and everything pertaining to the stage. The most
+obscure chorus girl is 'an actress.' Every divorcee whose antics have
+emblazoned the hall of ill-fame expects to become an actress and the
+newspapers record her aspiration in large type. A police court
+magistrate in New York once told me that three-fourths of the women
+arrested on the streets for accosting men gave their occupations on the
+police blotter as 'actress.' Do you think any yellow sheet ever let an
+opportunity like that go by?... If all the petty affairs of your clients
+or your friends and casual acquaintances, both scandalous and innocuous,
+were printed from week to week, do you think there would be an
+appreciable difference between the standard of morality of the doctors,
+the dentists, the butchers and bakers and that of the actor?... I don't
+think you take into consideration that the actor's life is public
+property. He is denied the right of privacy in all matters. Nothing is
+too trivial, too delicately personal, to be shared with the public."
+
+"And who's to blame for that, my lady, but the player himself? Publicity
+is his stock in trade. He's got to advertise, or drop out.... If ever I
+want a divorce, I'll dig up an actor as co-respondent: not because there
+may not be others, but because the actor would appreciate the
+advertisement." ... The doctor leaned toward me to better enjoy my
+discomfiture, then laughed tormentingly.
+
+I rose to my feet; he accepted his conge lingeringly.
+
+"Well, at any rate I've done you good; your face has got back its
+colour." ... He stood contemplating me for a second.
+
+"You know ... you've got a good deal of think works under that dusky
+head--only don't think too much.... It's bad business for a woman of
+your temperament." He turned to pick up his coat. Boy had fallen asleep
+upon it, nestling close to the warm fur. "What a shame to disturb
+him--don't do it. I can do without the coat until I get home." I lifted
+Boy gently and carried him still asleep to the bedroom beyond. The
+doctor followed to the alcove and stood watching while I covered the
+child. Then he picked up his coat and threw it over his arm.
+
+"I guess you're equal to holding Handsome Bill by the leading strings,
+all right.... Hartley's a fine chap; one of the nicest actors I ever
+knew, and I'm downright fond of him." ...
+
+I could not repress a sneer in the safety of the twilight. It was not
+lost on the doctor.
+
+"I know what you are thinking about," he said quietly, "but you know as
+well as I that where there's a woman in the case there's about as much
+honour among men as there is among thieves." ... He stretched out his
+hand. "Good-bye, little girl.... I'm glad to have had this talk with
+you; it's better than dodging each other and arousing suspicion. Aren't
+you going to shake hands?... O, well if you look at it in that light ...
+just the same, I'm yours to command whenever you feel the need of me."
+... Exit doctor.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII
+
+
+Toward the end of the engagement in Chicago it became expedient that I
+undergo a minor operation. Will suggested I enter a private hospital
+near at hand, that he might be in daily communication with me. I
+preferred, however, to return to New York, and place myself under the
+care of our family physician. Our apartment being still occupied, I
+decided on one of the smaller hotels, which abound on the cross streets
+between Twenty-fourth and Forty-fifth. Will's company was booked for a
+week in Cleveland following the Chicago engagement.
+
+I received daily letters from Will telling me how lonely he was without
+Boy and me, and every other day he wired me some nice little greeting.
+The operation was simple and, as Experience was permitted to bring Boy
+to visit me during given hours of the afternoon, the time passed
+quickly.
+
+By the end of the week I was able to leave the hospital and I had
+apprised Will of my intention. Consequently I was not surprised to find
+a telegram awaiting me at the hotel. Experience said it had probably
+been delivered while she was on the way to fetch me. I waited until I
+had made myself comfy in a big arm chair which Experience had ready for
+me, and while she made a cup of tea over our alcohol lamp I settled back
+to enjoy Will's message. It was a long one, I saw at a glance.
+Experience turned enquiringly at my ejaculation. The telegram had been
+sent from Cincinnati, where Will was now playing, following Cleveland.
+It read: "Come at once if you are able to travel. Not ill, but need your
+presence. Have wired money to bank. Best train Big Four Limited leaving
+at six-thirty p.m. New York Central. Telegraph on departure. Love,
+Will."
+
+I read and reread the message. My perturbation grew. What did Will mean
+by "need your presence"? He forestalled any alarm about his health by
+saying he was not ill, but had he told the truth? Perhaps he had met
+with an accident, a terrible disfiguring--surely I was letting my nerves
+run away with me.... But why did he urge me to come to Cincinnati when
+we had planned to meet the following week in St. Louis, his home city,
+and where there was to be a kind of reunion of the family relatives? It
+was obvious that he expected me, as he had taken the care to look up
+trains and had telegraphed the money.
+
+There was something very much the matter.... I glanced at the clock. It
+lacked a few minutes of five, and the train left at half after six....
+The bank was closed, but I could get a check cashed. Whatever had
+happened it was my duty to be with Will. I jumped to my feet, forgetful
+of my convalescence. The weakness had vanished. I felt strangely well.
+"Experience ... never mind the tea.... We leave for Cincinnati at
+once...."
+
+Experience set down the kettle and looked at me with her hand on her
+hips.... I made no explanation, but began to don the clothes I had only
+a moment since removed. The necessity for immediate action finally
+seeped into Experience's brain. "Then I guess I'll have to fly at
+packin' up.... Law-zee, if this ain't seein' the country!..."
+
+Will met us at the station. The first glimpse of him through the iron
+grill relieved my suspense concerning his health. He was not ill, and
+appeared to be whole and undamaged. He was solicitous about my
+condition. I _did_ look a bit of a wreck. After the excitement of
+getting off had subsided and there was nothing to do but listen to the
+monotonous clickety-click of the speeding train, I had collapsed. The
+reaction was too great. It was not until we were in sight of our
+destination that I dragged myself to my feet and steeled myself to meet
+whatever emergency confronted me.... Naturally I asked no questions
+during the drive to the hotel. The general aspect of Cincinnati was
+typical of my state of mind: an unsunned sky and a smoke-filmed
+atmosphere.... It occurred to me how fallacious was Milton's conception
+of "evil news." ... "For evil news rides post while good news baits." It
+has always appeared to me the other way about. Good news flashes on to
+its destination gathering impetus as it goes, while harbinger of bad
+lags on behind, retarding the very hours by its sable weight.... The
+mental rack of suspense, of waiting, while the imagination conjures an
+endless chain of dire probabilities.... When, at last, Experience and
+Boy were settled in an adjoining room Will closed the door and turned
+to me. It seemed an interminable time before he spoke. He seemed to be
+bracing himself for the effort.
+
+"First I want to thank you for coming without question.... I only hope
+you will not suffer a relapse...."
+
+I waved aside the preamble....
+
+"Well," I said....
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I think I was stunned. Nothing seemed quite real about the room. Even
+Will's voice sounded remote. I had experienced the same sensation coming
+out of the ether after my operation. The doctor's assuring "It's all
+right, little lady; just open your eyes" reached me from across spanless
+space. Then, as now, followed a great wave of nausea, whirling me into a
+relentless undertow, leaving me limp and racked with pain....
+Mechanically I re-read the clipping Will had thrust into my hand by way
+of preparing me for what followed. It was an excerpt from "The Club
+Window" and ran as follows: "A certain clique of rough-riders allied
+with a North Side country club are laying odds on a high-stepping filly
+of their set who for some time past has been riding for a fall. The
+inevitable cropper will involve a certain actor who for the past month
+has been delighting Chicago audiences with his manly pulchritude as well
+as his histrionic ability. The lady in the case showed marked preference
+for the society of the actor during one of his former visits to the
+Windy City. From time to time there has reached the ears of the
+seat-warmers in the Club Window gossip of certain little junkets to New
+York during the past winter. It may have been purely coincidental that
+the actor was playing a season's engagement in the metropolis but--be
+that as it may--the advent of the company to our parts was watched with
+considerable gusto. Likewise it may have been purely chance that the
+husband of the third part was away on a hunting trip. 'The best laid
+plans of' and so forth; the unexpected happened when the actor's wife
+accompanied him on his visit to us. The affair was for the moment in
+abeyance. _But_--no sooner had the wife returned to New York than the
+fire broke out with renewed ardour probably fanned by the previous
+adverse winds of cruel fate. When the company left for another city the
+fair Chicagoan was missing from her accustomed haunts. Subsequent
+investigation affirmed the rumour that the lady was a guest at a
+leading hotel in Cleveland. Incidentally her suite of rooms was on the
+same floor as that of the actor. Let us hope that some busy bee does not
+buzz about the head of the mighty hunter and bring him back gunning for
+the destroyer of his peace. Verily, verily, the actor hath power to
+charm."
+
+"You must realize, girlie, that I wouldn't have worried you with this
+nasty business if I hadn't been afraid of letting us both in for
+something worse.... What do you think of the damned cat who cooked up a
+thing like that? It was pure spite work. You see it was like this: When
+I met this female reporter two years ago she was all for me. You
+remember the nice things she wrote about me when I played Chicago the
+last time? Well, she came on to New York last winter and I took her to
+lunch and showed her other little attentions just to keep on the good
+side of her. About the same time the other dame blew in, and I felt it
+was up to me to discharge some of my social debts to her. Here's where
+the elderly spinster reporter got sore. She thought she had a corner on
+the market. It's hell to be such a fascinatin' devil!..."
+
+Will winked at me, albeit a little dubiously, sensing a probable lack
+of appreciation on my part.
+
+"When I came back to Chicago this trip," he continued, "I received a
+note from my quondam friend and later she came back to my dressing-room
+to see me. She made some pertinent remarks about the other woman, hinted
+at some persons being ingrates after all she had done to boom them when
+they were 'also rans' and, now that they had got there, threw down their
+old friends. I lost my temper a bit and we parted bad friends. The
+result was she transferred her booming to ----" (Will named the character
+actor of his company) "and proceeded to lay it over me on every possible
+occasion.... These damned women are always worse when they get along in
+life...."
+
+"What did this 'club' woman expect of you?... What did she want?"
+
+Will looked at me blankly, then batted his eyes....
+
+"Why ... why, I suppose the old hen wanted me to make love to her: she
+made a play for me and I threw her down hard."
+
+He took the clipping from my fingers and replaced it in his wallet.
+
+"Did you know that the--_the_ lady was coming to Cleveland?" I asked.
+
+"Why--not exactly; she said something about it while we were still in
+Chicago but I thought she was bluffing. As a matter of fact I thought
+she had more sense than to do a thing like that."
+
+"What led you to believe she had better sense?--anything in her past
+performances?"
+
+"No--but women are pretty foxy: they generally take care to cover their
+trails no matter how reckless they pretend to be. Not many of them want
+to lose their homes in spite of their protestations about giving up
+everything for 'thou'...."
+
+"Why did you not insist on her returning home at once? Couldn't you have
+gone to another hotel?"
+
+"What good would that have done? She would have followed. When she
+turned up in Cleveland I handed it to her straight, you may imagine. I
+didn't mince matters a little bit."
+
+"Was she afraid to go back home?"
+
+"I don't know; she said she'd left for good and that she'd never live
+with her husband again. I told her she could do as she pleased about
+_that_, but I didn't propose to become involved. Then she threatened to
+commit suicide--throw herself in the lake. I told her to go ahead and
+then she had hysterics all over the place. I had a fine tea-party, I can
+tell you.... Somebody sent me a marked copy of the Club Window. I knew,
+then, it wouldn't be long before her husband would get wise to it and I
+didn't know what kind of a game he'd spring on me. I guess it's not the
+first time the lady has kicked over the matrimonial traces, according to
+reports. Maybe he's looking for just such an opening."
+
+The room was thick with tobacco-smoke. Will was burning up one cigar
+after another.
+
+"She made a fine spectacle of herself and of me by showing up at the
+railway station looking like a boiled owl. After our scene she capped
+the climax by getting a peach of a jag.... By George, I never will hear
+the last of it from the members of the company." He pulled down a window
+from the top and stopped at the desk, where he took a telegram from his
+portfolio--a Christmas present I had made him.
+
+"Yesterday morning I received this." I read the message:
+
+     "Call me long distance Friday noon sharp. Important.
+
+     (Signed) DOC."
+
+"It was decent of the Doc, wasn't it? Well, I got him on long distance
+and the first thing he asked me was whether the lady were with me.
+'Well, not exactly _with_ me, but I can't shake her,' I shouted back.
+'You've got to,' the Doc went on, 'for your wife's sake you mustn't get
+landed with the goods.' The Doc is one of these 'from-Missouri'
+gentlemen and wouldn't believe I was innocent under oath. Just the same
+he's a good fellow. He told me he knew all about my predicament and that
+he'd taken time by the forelock and got hold of madame's sister, who was
+standing beside him while he talked. She had her grip with her, ready to
+start for Cincinnati at once. I told him to send her by the fastest
+express. The Doc said that madame's husband had returned to town
+unexpectedly--just as I had anticipated--and after a stay of twenty-four
+hours had again disappeared. No one at his office or at his home knew
+where he had gone. The sister said he had called her up and inquired
+where his wife had gone and had rung off abruptly. Then the Doc quizzed
+the stenographer, who was an old chum of his, and she confided to him
+that the husband's secretary had bought a ticket to Cleveland.... 'He's
+on the trail,' the Doc warned, 'and there's only one thing for you to do
+... send for your wife if she's able to travel.... Make her get to
+Cincinnati before he does. Your wife is a level-headed little woman and
+if you put it to her straight she'll play up.... Together you can cook
+up something to placate the irate husband....' Can't you just hear the
+old Doc roar? Well, I thought his advice good and I wired you at once."
+
+... "Has the sister arrived?" ... I found it difficult to make myself
+heard. My voice was dry and grated harshly....
+
+"Yes, she's here; they're on the floor below." Will poured a glass of
+water and handed it me. Then he sat on the edge of the bed and waited.
+It was his turn to be silent. He seemed to have talked himself out....
+
+"Which of them is it?... Do I know her?"
+
+"Yes; we had dinner at her house one Sunday night."
+
+"Blonde?"
+
+"Um--yes...."
+
+"Art's triumph over Nature, I suppose." ... I could not resist the
+thrust ... suddenly I sat bolt upright.
+
+"Will ... _Will_.... Not--Mrs F.--not the woman with the two little
+girls ... not the mother of those children...."
+
+He nodded and raised his shoulders with a gesture which was half
+deploring, half deprecating.
+
+"O!!!...." I covered my face with my hands ... the picture was _too_
+revolting.... "Children don't cut much ice," the doctor had said. I
+stopped up my ears to shut out his voice....
+
+"How did it begin?" I said at last.
+
+"O ... the usual way ... supper--or dinner, I've forgotten which--a
+little flirtation, lots of booze, motor-rides, rendez-vous while you
+listen to the neglected wife song and dance, more dinners and suppers
+and motor-rides ... and the first thing you know the fool woman is in
+love with you, or thinks she is, which is worse.... I hope you don't
+blame _me_. I can't help it if women make fools of themselves over me."
+... Something in Will's tone--a _sang froid_--almost a
+_braggadocio_--sent the blood to my face with a rush of anger. I leaned
+forward in my chair and looked him in the eyes.
+
+"Will ... do you mean to tell me that you never encouraged this woman?"
+
+"How do you mean--encouraged?"
+
+"In God's name don't juggle with your words--don't equivocate! You know
+what I mean as well as I do!--to encourage in a hundred intangible ways;
+to show that you are flattered by a woman's attention; to let her
+believe that _you_ believe you are the only one upon whom she has
+bestowed her favours; to let her tell you that you are the first man for
+whom she has betrayed her husband, though she has been neglected and
+unhappy for years and years; to cram down your throat the intimate
+confidences of her married life and to tell you she has never sought
+consolation elsewhere; to let her do all these without giving her the
+lie when you know in your heart she was lying. That's what I mean!... O,
+believe me I am beginning to understand the intricacies of the game ...
+and if you have gone the limit ... I don't ask you to confess it ...
+fidelity does not hinge upon the sexual act, alone--though you men
+place that above every other virtue in a woman--but I do ask you for the
+sake of your manhood, for your own self-respect, don't, _don't_ play the
+part of a cad!"
+
+Will winced as if I had struck him in the face. His face had grown quite
+pale and his lips were compressed. When he spoke his voice cut the air
+like a fine blade of steel.
+
+"So that's what you think, is it?... I've obviously made a mistake in
+sending for you ... but I did so more for your sake than for my own ...
+to prepare you and save you from a shock if there was a blow-out.... I
+never knew before what a poor opinion you had of me."
+
+"Don't distort my words, Will, if you please...."
+
+He paced back and forth, beating the back of one hand against the palm
+of the other.
+
+"I know you're sick and weak.... I'm trying to make every allowance for
+your state of nerves. Up to date you've played up like a brick. I've
+often watched you and secretly admired the way you handled things,
+but--if you're going to spoil it all by developing into a jealous woman
+at this stage of the game...." I turned on him quickly.
+
+"I'm sure you can't say that I've ever annoyed you in that line."
+
+"No, I'll admit, you've been a level-headed woman ... but remember I've
+played square with you and I think you'll admit _that_. I've never had a
+serious affair with any woman--and the Lord knows I have it thrown at me
+from all sides. The woods are full of Potiphar's wives.... If you had
+some men to deal with ... how many of 'em can stand up against that sort
+of thing without losing their heads?... why, I've had people tell me we
+were a model couple ... and, here, the first time I get into anything
+like a serious predicament----"
+
+"Then you admit other predicaments?"
+
+"Why, of course, there's been ... O, hell--what's the use of trying to
+argue with a woman! You're like all the rest!--when it comes to a
+show-down they're not deuces high!" ... He crossed to the telephone and
+called a waiter.
+
+"I've got to order an early dinner; I'll have a fine dose of indigestion
+as it is--after all this infernal row.... Of course, if it came to a
+show-down and he named me as co-respondent it wouldn't do _me_ any
+damage but it would upset the pater and the rest of the family all
+along the line. You know how they feel about the stage...."
+
+"What about me?" was on the tip of my tongue but I did not voice it or
+the thoughts which followed. How should I feel to see a home broken up
+and to know that my husband shared in the wrecking?--whether directly or
+indirectly--the results were the same. And the woman--and the two little
+girls ... what of them?... A knock at the door caused my very heart to
+contract. Had the husband arrived to demand Heaven only knew what?...
+The waiter entered with a menu. I had completely forgotten that Will had
+summoned him. When the waiter had taken the order and gone, Will crossed
+and laid his hand on my arm.
+
+"Come now, girlie--we musn't let this fool thing come between you and
+me. It isn't worth it! You know I love you ... you're the only woman
+I've ever loved ... ever _will_ love...."
+
+O, wise husband! He knew I could no more resist his tenderness than a
+flower resists the warm sun.... He let me revel in my first fierce burst
+of tears and comforted me mutely; then, still holding me in his arms,
+he went on talking:
+
+"Sometimes I hate this damned business and feel that I'd like to chuck
+it altogether ... but what's a man to do after he's given the best years
+of his life to one thing? It takes a long time to get established in any
+profession, nowadays ... and I'm getting older every day.... I'm sorry I
+was ugly ... _my_ nerves are a bit frazzled, too ... but I'll be all
+right, now that you and I understand each other ... come, now ... let's
+forget it.... Come in the bath-room and bathe your eyes. I've ordered a
+nice little dinner and a bottle of fizz; it'll buck you up. Then, before
+I go to the performance, we'll outline some plan of action...."
+
+"What do you want me to do?" I asked, as I came out of the bath-room a
+little later.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII
+
+
+When I entered the room I had no intention of engaging in a slanging
+match. I had telephoned my coming and her sister was awaiting me. I felt
+almost sorry for the girl standing beside the bed, her eyes meeting mine
+uncertainly, her lips forcing a greeting.
+
+"Won't you sit down? Fannie, here is Mrs. Hartley...."
+
+The woman in the bed turned and raised herself on her elbow. Her face
+was swollen, the lips blue and loose, and her eyes had the look of
+watery gelatine. Without meeting my eyes, she moaned theatrically and
+buried her face in the pillows.
+
+"What--_what_ must you think of me?" she whined.
+
+"I think you're a fool!" slipped out before I could prevent it.
+
+"All women are fools--we're all fools over some man," she exclaimed,
+pounding the pillows with her fist and working herself up to a Zazaesque
+brand of hysteria.
+
+"Mrs. F., I did not come here to listen to a dissertation on the
+sex-question nor to hold your hand while you have a fit of nerves.
+You've got to pull yourself together or I'll wash my hands of the whole
+affair. I've come all the way from New York to help you out of a nasty,
+a _dirty_ scrape. If you wish to hear what I have to say you'll stop
+that silliness and act like a full-grown woman with a modicum of
+discretion.... Your husband is apt to walk in at any moment and it may
+be well for all concerned that we arrive at some plan of defence."
+
+Her sister, who had retired to a corner of the room behind me when I sat
+down, now crossed to the bedside.
+
+"Mrs. Hartley is right, Fannie--Frank is liable to show up at any
+minute."
+
+Fannie fished for her handkerchief under the pillows and sniffed
+tearfully while her sister arranged the pillows.
+
+"Please pardon me, Mrs. Hartley; my nerves are all gone."
+
+"I have a few nerves, myself," I thought. I found myself grasping the
+arms of my chair as one sometimes does at the dentist's and my teeth
+fairly ached from the clinching of my jaws. When Mrs. F. had folded and
+dropped her hands into her lap with the air of a long-suffering woman, I
+proceeded.
+
+"Mr. Hartley and I have decided that you are my guest: that it was at my
+invitation you went to Cleveland with us and that I urged you to
+continue on the trip until your husband returned from his hunting trip.
+On your arrival here, you contracted a heavy cold which developed into
+the grippe; grippe will answer as well as anything else and is not
+sufficiently serious to call in a physician. Are you familiar with the
+symptoms of the grippe?" Mrs. F. nodded.
+
+"Very well. When you began to grow worse you telegraphed your sister."
+
+"But," interjected the sister, "that won't do; that won't hold together
+because Frank called me up on the telephone a few moments after he
+returned to Chicago and I told him I didn't know where Fannie was...." I
+stopped to think....
+
+"Then we'll have to make the telegram reach you immediately _after_ he
+telephoned and, as he disappeared so abruptly without telling even his
+office force where he was going, you have an explanation for not being
+able to reach him.... Now, about the Cleveland week: you didn't know
+that your sister had gone away because you yourself were out of town. I
+believe that really was the case, was it not?"
+
+"Quite true," replied the sister. "I was spending a few days at
+Wheaton."
+
+"Then so far, it is clear, is it not?... Mr. Hartley will take care of
+the article which appeared in the Club Window ... and if your husband
+arrives, I'll try to take care of him.... Now, ... let us think: are
+there any points we have overlooked?" There was a silence while each of
+us reviewed the situation. It was Mrs. F. who spoke first.
+
+"Suppose--suppose Frank has set detectives on my track and they find out
+that you've not been to Cleveland! O, I'm sure he'll do it! It's just
+like Frank! You don't know what a brute he can be. O, it's all very well
+to say that I am to blame--that I am in the wrong, but if you had lived
+with Frank for eight years as I have you'd understand some things--and
+not treat me as if I was a ----"
+
+"Stop that!" I felt my eyes snap with the blaze she had kindled. She
+snivelled and sobbed a bit, then relaxed into sullen silence.
+
+"If your husband _has_ employed detectives we'll have to meet the
+contingency by standing together. In other words we'll perjure ourselves
+like--perfect ladies. Mr. Hartley says--and being a man he ought to
+know--that no man would have the courage to tell me I was not telling
+the truth, even if he thought so."
+
+"We'll never get away with it--we'll never get away with it," wailed
+Mrs. F.
+
+It was the sister who spoke next.
+
+"And suppose Frank does not show up--suppose he doesn't come at all but
+waits for the detectives' report and----"
+
+"And begins action for divorce without even saying a word about it!" It
+was Madame who interjected this possibility. "Wouldn't that be just like
+him! Wouldn't that be Frank just down to the ground? Edith knows how
+cold-blooded he is, don't you, Edith? O, it's too awful! I never could
+live through such a thing! I wouldn't live! I'd kill myself--I'd throw
+myself into the lake! I'd----"
+
+"Don't you think you are wearing that threat a little threadbare?" I
+asked quietly, henceforth addressing myself to the sister.
+
+"In the event that your brother-in-law does not come or that we hear
+nothing from him, there is only one thing left: you must take your
+sister back to Chicago ... and I'll go with you...."
+
+I believe my voice petered out before I completed the sentence. The idea
+was repugnant, but was it not all revolting in the extreme? I had given
+my promise to Will to "see it through" and I intended to do so to the
+best of my ability. Mrs. F.'s sister broke my train of thought. She
+stood before me with averted eyes struggling to keep back the tears, and
+twisting her hands nervously.
+
+"Mrs. Hartley ... I don't want to appear maudlin ... but I think ... you
+understand how I feel.... It seems almost inane to say ... how much we
+... appreciate what you are doing.... For my sister's sake I thank you
+... I...."
+
+"I'm not doing it for your sister's sake"--I tried to speak gently but
+everything in me seemed to have grown hard and unyielding--"nor for my
+husband's sake; neither for my own; I've got a boy--a son ... and there
+are two little girls...."
+
+A volley of sobs smote our ears and shook the bed.
+
+"My poor babies! The poor darlings!... I wish they had never been born!"
+...
+
+"It's too bad you didn't think of them before, Fannie," her sister
+answered caustically. It was the first expression of censure she had
+voiced. Mrs. F. bounced to a sitting position: yes, _bounced_ is the
+only adequate description. Grief had made a quick shift to anger. She
+glared at her sister.
+
+"So you've turned against me, too, have you? I might have expected it:
+that's the gratitude you feel for all I've done for you. Where would you
+be if it were not for me?--you'd be pounding somebody's typewriter for
+five dollars a week! This is the thanks I get for sacrificing myself for
+the whole family! Every one of them will blame me for the whole
+business. What right have you to judge? How does anybody know what I've
+suffered for years living with that man?... literally starving for
+affection, ... he never took the trouble to understand my temperament
+... he neglected me, he----"
+
+"Hah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-" ... It was my turn to indulge in hysteria, only
+mine was of the laughing variety: I laughed until the tears came--until
+I sank back from sheer exhaustion. From their expression Madame and her
+sister thought I had gone suddenly mad.
+
+"What are you laughing at?" she snapped, glaring at me with suppressed
+rage.
+
+"My dear," I responded feebly, "my dear, don't you realize what an awful
+old chestnut that neglected wife story is? Mr. Hartley says they all use
+it ... it is the cardinal excuse, the subterfuge all married women
+resort to, to justify their own infidelities."
+
+"Did--did Mr. Hartley intimate----?"
+
+"O, no! Mr. Hartley betrayed none of your confidences ... but, tell me
+honestly ..."--I leaned forward and clasped my knees to better
+accentuate my words--"do you really expect a man of the world to believe
+that--or care whether you are neglected or not? You know that men gossip
+and bandy women's names about their clubs--not in so many damning words,
+but with a knowing wink, a shrug of the shoulder, this head-shake, or,
+'by pronouncing some doubtful phrase ... or such ambiguous giving out'
+... my dear ... I have a rare collection of mash-notes which my
+actor-husband has from time to time tossed laughingly into my lap. Their
+character varies like the colour of the paper on which they are
+written. There is the white, the pale blue, and several shades of
+lavender.... The actor's world is full of lavender ladies of the Bovary
+type: the wonder of it is that so many of them 'get away with it' as you
+have so elegantly expressed it. Suppose _you_ don't get away with it ...
+suppose your husband divorces you ... what will become of you? How will
+you live? You're not equipped to make your own living. You couldn't even
+typewrite--like your sister. Suppose I were to divorce my husband,
+naming you as co-respondent: do you flatter yourself he would marry you?
+And let us assume that he did: How long do you think it would last? He
+is a poor man. His profession is a purely speculative one. His income is
+assured for only two weeks at a time, except in rare instances. He
+couldn't give you the jewels, the furs, the motors and the luxuries you
+now enjoy. How long do you believe your mad passion would endure,
+stripped of little appurtenances like wine suppers and suites of rooms
+in the best hotels?... Perhaps you'd become an actress like so many
+women who look on the stage as an open sesame to a life of
+immorality.... Like so many women with a screw loose in their moral
+machinery ... no, don't you say a word! This is my scene--and I am going
+to hold the centre of the stage for once in my career!... I know your
+kind, mi-lady.... You belong to that great class of over-fed and
+under-bred women who make life so hard for the rest of their sex. You're
+one of the wasters; you waste what does not rightfully belong to you;
+what you usurp in your greediness, in your pandering to your vanities,
+in your compromise with your better instincts, in your connivance with
+the very devil who finds some mischief still for idle hands to do! You
+stimulate your passions with alcohol and mistake the fumes for love! You
+haven't the courage to come out and be a genuine prostitute, but you ply
+the trade in the role of an adulteress. For God's sake, wake up! Look
+yourself in the eyes before it is too late! If you have no self-respect,
+no respect for your sex, try at least to respect the rights of those
+little souls you've brought into the world without their asking. O, yes,
+cry!... Crocodile tears and alcoholic drool!... It's a mistake to
+believe that all women have the maternal instinct ... so have female
+cats and dogs--and rabbits." ...
+
+I had risen as my fury sought to master me. I stood beside the bed
+looking down at her ... making an ineffectual last-ditch fight for my
+self-control. Something about the woman ... the very quality of her
+night-dress--the heavily jewelled fingers--maddened me. The poison
+coursed through my veins like quick-silver ... once before in my life I
+had felt it ... before my boy was born ... _then_ I had succumbed to a
+desire to wreak physical vengeance ... the same madness seized me now
+... I saw her shrink from me....
+
+"O, you--_you_ ----!"
+
+... I didn't say it; I caught myself in time. The blood stained my face
+with shame--shame with the very coarseness of the thought; shame with
+the whole revolting situation. Was I, too, become impregnated with the
+corroding influence of my environment? I turned and walked toward the
+door. As I reached for the knob, it opened and some one entered
+abruptly. I jumped aside to avoid being struck.
+
+I knew who he was though I had never seen him before. The next moment I
+had reached for his hand and grasped it impulsively, at the same time
+laying a warning finger on my lips and indicating the bed.
+
+"O, Mr. F., you don't know how glad I am to see you. We've been worried
+to death ... she's asleep now, after the most racking night ... do you
+mind not waking her for the present?... of course if you'd rather ..." I
+waited while he looked at the figure of his wife, lying helpless with
+her face to the wall, while his eyes roved to question those of the
+sister, then back to mine with the single word:
+
+"Sick?... How long has she been sick?"
+
+"Ever since we arrived here; it's the grippe, I think, though we
+couldn't induce her to see a doctor. She's been so upset at not hearing
+from you.... Do you mind stepping into the hall where we can talk more
+freely without danger of disturbing her?... Edith will call us if she
+awakens, won't you, Edith?" ...
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Edith did not call. The hall was draughty; I managed a sneeze. Mr. F.
+suggested that we go down to the grill and have a drink. In the elevator
+I saw him glance furtively at me.... I was humming softly to myself. I
+watched his eyes in the mirror; they had a confused look not unmixed
+with suspicion. Not until after the second cocktail did he thaw a bit.
+He asked me whether I had dined. I told him I had not. After he had
+ordered, he leaned back in his chair and gave me a penetrating look. I
+met his eyes and smiled a little.
+
+"You look tired," I said.
+
+"I am--rather. These sleeper jumps take it out of a fellow."
+
+"They surely do ... and I presume you've been worried to death about
+Fannie." The name slipped glibly from my lips. He shot me a quick glance
+which told me the familiar use of his wife's name had been effective. He
+shifted uneasily in his seat as he answered.
+
+"Well, yes----"
+
+"We have been fairly living on the long distance telephone trying to
+reach you. What on earth was the trouble? Edith received Fannie's
+telegram a minute after you called her up and when she tried to reach
+you--well, she couldn't, that's all...."
+
+"There was something the matter with the connection ... it's been off
+for several days ..." he replied.
+
+"Of course we could have telegraphed but we didn't want to alarm you," I
+went on, meeting his own brave lie with another. "As a matter of fact I
+think we all were more scared than hurt. Fannie had had a cold while we
+were still in Chicago--that's a trying climate in the winter. Then when
+we reached Cleveland, there wasn't much of an improvement in the matter
+of weather and I felt a bit guilty in having urged her to go with us." I
+toyed with, the celery and wiped off imaginary soot.
+
+"Were you in Cleveland?"
+
+I looked up at him in mild surprise.
+
+"Why, of course. It was at my invitation that Fannie accompanied us. She
+was bored to death in Chicago ... it must be deadly monotonous--this
+same routine day after day ... the same faces and nothing new to talk
+about.... You know--you know if you were my husband I shouldn't let you
+run away on hunting trips and leave me behind.... I don't think you men
+realize how stupid it becomes with no change of menu--as it were...."
+
+I reproved him with a smile. For the first time his eyes sent back a
+glint of warmth.
+
+"How long have you known Fannie? It's odd that I've never--had the
+pleasure of meeting you before." (The pleasure was an after-thought.)
+
+"O ... I've known Fannie for ... let me see ... nearly three years...."
+(I made a mental note of this for "Fannie's" benefit.) "We met when Will
+played Chicago two seasons since. We took quite a fancy to each other,
+and last winter when she came to New York we went about together and
+became quite good friends.... I presume you were away on one of your
+hunting trips last winter ... naughty sir ... that's the reason I didn't
+meet you.... This trip I brought Boy to Chicago.... You haven't seen my
+young son, have you? You must make his acquaintance to-morrow. We're
+most awfully vain about him ... think he's the only boy in the world. I
+suppose you feel that way about your little girls ... they _are_
+beauties. They've got your eyes, though they have inherited Fannie's
+regular features...."
+
+Would my tongue never stop wagging? What manner of woman had I suddenly
+become? I did not recognize myself. Was it a case of self-hypnosis and
+was I really feeling the interest and friendliness I pretended? He was
+not precisely an Adonis; there was something rough, almost uncouth,
+about him in spite of the veneer his money had brought. But there was a
+kindliness, a wholesouledness that made itself felt. Under any other
+conditions I should have liked him.... I saw him look at his watch.
+
+"What time is it?... The performance will soon be over and Mr. Hartley
+will wonder where I am.... Wouldn't he be surprised to walk in here and
+see me dining with a strange man?... I hope you're not afraid of getting
+yourself talked about...."
+
+"No, I guess not," he laughed back. I was silent for a time, while I
+wrestled with the breast of a squab. I felt his eyes upon me. When I
+looked at him I saw that he was revolving something in his mind, and I
+sensed the subject. I gave him time to think it over. After a while I
+leaned back in my chair.
+
+"I'm sorry to confess it, but I'm beginning to feel a bit tired," I
+sighed. "Even your genial presence will not keep my eyes open much
+longer.... Edith I'm sure is feeling the strain, too. Well, we'll all
+sleep better to-night--after our worry. 'All's well that ends well'--and
+that reminds me--my husband and I were admiring a set of Shakespeare you
+have in your library."
+
+"Um--yes; I remember it. I bought it for the binding. Don't believe I
+ever saw the inside of it...." He freshened my glass of wine.
+
+"You're not much of a drinker, are you?"
+
+"Haven't got brains enough to stand it," I answered flippantly.
+
+He laughed; it had a true ring to it.
+
+The game was in my hands.
+
+"I guess you mean you've got brains enough to _with_stand it."
+
+Would the dinner never come to an end? I thought. My body seemed to grow
+old with the minutes. At last the waiter cleared the table. When he had
+gone for a liqueur, Mr. F. took some letters from his pocket. From the
+packet he selected a piece of printed matter. He laid it face down upon
+the table while he replaced the letters. Then he looked at me, drumming
+with his fingers over the spot where the clipping lay. The waiter
+returned. Mr. F. drained the cognac glass and called for another. While
+it was being brought he folded his arms upon the table and leaned toward
+me.
+
+"I wonder whether I'd better show you something...."
+
+I assumed the same attitude; it was conducive to confidence.
+
+"Show me what?"
+
+His drumming became louder.
+
+"No, I guess I won't!" ...
+
+"Now, I call that unkind--to pique my curiosity and leave me suspended
+in mid-air."
+
+He folded the clipping and rattled it between his fingers.
+
+"Is that what you were going to show me? Wait a moment." ... I leaned
+toward him to better examine the paper, then relaxed against the back of
+the chair and smiled.
+
+"I think I know what it is.... Will you lay me a wager? What will you
+wager that I can guess what that paper is the very first time?"
+
+He sprawled and tilted back his chair good-naturedly.
+
+"O, I'll bet you a box of candy or a bunch of violets."
+
+"A five-pound box of candy--I don't like violets. Agreed?"
+
+He nodded.
+
+"It's a clipping from the Club Window...."
+
+"Then you've seen it?"
+
+"Of course I've seen it, silly man--hasn't everybody seen it? And wasn't
+my Willy furiously angry? He wanted to take the first train back to
+Chicago and clear out the whole establishment. It was all Fannie and I
+could do to calm him.... He said he was going to see you about it
+because he thought you and he should get together and take some kind of
+action against the slanderous sheet. I tell him he's foolish to pay any
+attention to it; just let it die of inanition. Don't you think so?"
+
+"Well, I was a little upset myself when I read it. I didn't know what
+the devil to think...."
+
+"Well, I know you've got too much sense to believe anything wrong about
+your wife.... I can appreciate how you and Will feel about it and that
+you'd like to make them retract--but--isn't it best to ignore it?--so
+long as _we_ know it's a malicious lie.... It's a shocking thing the way
+the press in this country construes license for freedom.... The libel
+laws are wholly inadequate. They manage that sort of thing much better
+in England.... There are so many evil-minded people in the world--don't
+you find it so?"
+
+"Well, I confess, there's always somebody hanging around anxious to
+disseminate gossip, though I've never observed any of them helping along
+the nice things you hear."
+
+"Now that we are on the subject, I'll tell you how this happened; the
+woman who concocted that libellous attack is an ugly perverted
+creature--she must be perverted or she would not be earning her
+livelihood in such a questionable way, don't you think so? Several years
+ago when she met my husband she volunteered to write some nice little
+personalia about him. He wasn't as well known then as now and every
+little bit helps, you know.... Well, Will kept up a desultory
+acquaintance with the woman and saw her from time to time. She was in
+New York when Fannie was there last winter, by the way. I don't know
+just how it came about, but the spinster scribbler developed a jealous
+streak and upbraided Will for being ungrateful for all she had done for
+him. I'm sure she could not have done a great deal for anyone in a
+wretched paper like the Club Window. To tell you the truth she was
+infatuated with Will. To use his own words--she made a play for him and
+he threw her down hard! Mr. Hartley is not given to that sort of
+thing--and if he were--you may be sure I should have something to say
+about it." I nodded sententiously.
+
+"Yes, I guess you'd make it pretty warm for any poacher on your
+preserves!" We both laughed. I believe I even jerked my head pertly to
+mark my cocksureness. And, as I turned away, my eyes settled upon Will.
+He was standing in the doorway, evidently having just entered, since he
+still wore his overcoat and carried his hat in his hand. I half-rose. My
+host followed my move.
+
+"It's Will--it's Mr. Hartley ... come in, Will...." I beckoned to him
+and stole a glance at Mr. F. No, there was no hesitation on his part. He
+rose and crossed to meet Will with outstretched hand. My hand shook so
+that I could hardly raise the wine glass to my lips. I drained the last
+drop and sank into my chair. The game was won....
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+It was nearly an hour later when I rose to leave the table. Will had
+eaten the supper which Mr. F. had insisted upon ordering and they were
+still calling for wine. I had steered the conversation clear of the
+perilous rocks and felt that I could now safely leave the two men
+together. They rose with me.
+
+"I'm sorry to leave such delightful company--I believe I said something
+like that an hour ago, did I not, Mr. F.?... I want to drop in on Edith
+and make my peace with her. I fear she'll feel neglected. If you require
+my services during the night please don't hesitate to ring me up, though
+I feel sure Fannie will be ever so much better now that you've arrived.
+I presume you two gentlemen want to talk things over--that wretched
+slander, I mean--only--" and at this point I assumed a mock-serious
+attitude--"don't do anything until you hear from me, will you?... Now,
+please don't move.... I'll find my way.... Good-night, sir ... and don't
+forget that you owe me five pounds of the best candy in Cincinnati."
+
+When I reached Mrs. F.'s room, her sister had already opened the door.
+She had heard the elevator stop and was waiting. The girl's face was
+drawn and the circles under the eyes had deepened. Mrs. F., too, showed
+the strain of waiting.
+
+"Mr. F. and my husband are downstairs; they were exchanging funny
+stories when I left ... there will be no pistols--nor a divorce on this
+count ... now, if you have another spell of hysterics I think I shall
+kill you.... Edith ... we had better begin calling each other 'dearie'
+and that sort of thing to accustom ourselves, for we've known each other
+three years ... please repeat it after me so that you won't forget
+it.... Edith, should you mind pouring me a dose of Fannie's valerian?...
+I think I took a wee drop too much ... my teeth are fairly chattering
+... now let me think.... I'll begin at the moment we left the room
+together ... please don't interrupt unless there is something you do not
+grasp ... he may come at any moment...."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I went to the telephone directly I entered my room and called for the
+room clerk. I told him I wanted another room on the same floor. While I
+waited for the bell-boy to bring the key I wrote a note and pinned it on
+the mirror where it would attract Will's attention. "I have gone to
+another room. Don't disturb me, please. We'll talk it over to-morrow."
+
+When I had turned the key in the lock and had surveyed my own domain I
+felt strangely light in the head. I opened a window and mechanically
+arranged my toilet articles. Then I disrobed, unpinned my hair and
+cleansed my face with cold cream. At least, I _assume_ that I did all
+these, for the next day, when I awoke to consciousness, everything was
+in place, my hair was braided in two pig-tails, and my face still
+showed traces of cold cream. From the moment I had locked myself in I
+had no recollection of what followed. The doctor called it "syncope."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV
+
+
+         "St. Louis, Mo., March 10th.
+
+     "Darling Girl:
+
+     "I am taking for granted that you arrived safely. There has been no
+     word from you since you returned home a week since. I hope you
+     found the apartment in good shape and that things did not suffer
+     too much wear and tear at the hands of our late tenants.
+
+     "Just as I predicted, the folks were much disappointed at not
+     seeing you here. There was a regular family reunion. Grandma Murray
+     came on from Indianapolis and two of my paternal aunts all the way
+     from Kansas. As none of the relatives has ever seen Boy you may
+     imagine how disappointed they were. However, it couldn't be helped.
+     Naturally I did not tell them that you had been to Cincinnati. I
+     let them infer that you were not sufficiently recovered from the
+     effects of your recent operation to permit your making the trip. I
+     fully appreciate the state of your nerves and that a relapse was
+     inevitable; just the same I think you should write me and keep me
+     informed of your condition. Take it quietly for a few weeks and
+     you'll come out all right. Don't let that Cincinnati affair prey on
+     your mind: a little later when your health is better, you won't
+     take it so seriously. Now don't jump at the conclusion that I
+     don't appreciate the way you played up, or the narrow escape I have
+     had. You may feel sure that sort of thing will never happen again.
+     And that reminds me: I had a letter from Mr. F. saying he had
+     consulted his lawyer about taking action against the Club Window
+     and had been advised to let the matter drop. (_Requiescat in
+     pace!_) He wished to be remembered to you.
+
+     "The weather is depressing. I'm not feeling up to my standard. I
+     suspect I have been eating too much and exercising too little.
+     Well, Girlie, the train leaves in an hour and I have still some
+     odds and ends to look after. I enclose our route to follow Kansas
+     City. Now write me at once or I shall begin to worry about you. A
+     bunch of kisses to Boy from his Dad, reserving all you want for
+     yourself, of course.
+
+    "With all my love,
+
+    "Your devoted husband,
+
+        "WILL."
+
+This letter was a week old. I had made several attempts to answer it but
+all had ended in the waste-basket. Following my home-coming, I had been
+glad to lie quietly in bed in obedience to the doctor's orders. A heavy
+inertia lay upon me. My nights were an amorphous jumble of improbable
+situations; I awoke of mornings with a nausea at heart. My mind was
+furred with unpleasant memories. It revolved in circles. The more I
+thought the faster it whirled, resulting in complete confusion. Inner
+adjustment seemed impossible. I realized in a hazy way that I must
+arouse myself or fall a prey to melancholia. Even Boy's laughter as it
+was wafted to me from another room unleashed a thousand apprehensions.
+The effulgence his being had shed into my life was now dimmed by fears
+for his future. Should I be able to steer his craft, even launch it
+safely, _preparedly_ on the turbulent sea of life? It was, probably, in
+the very nature of things that I should exclude my husband from any
+participation in my plans for the child. A fierce, almost a defiant,
+sense of proprietary right began to assert itself in relation to our
+son. The inertia gave way to a state of turbulence, which burned like a
+consuming fever. To Will's numerous letters and enquiries I at last
+responded by telegraph, "All well," I said.
+
+One day there came a bulky envelope addressed in Will's handwriting. It
+enclosed a letter from John Gailbraith, the sculptor, who was still in
+Paris. Across the top Will had written: "This will interest you." Under
+separate cover came a package of photographs, reproductions of the
+colossal work he had recently completed for the Spring Exhibition at the
+Salon.
+
+     "I have great hopes for this," he wrote. "(Hope is always
+     promise-crammed, isn't it?) You will see that I have called it
+     'Super-Creation.' It was conceived like a lightning flash but the
+     working out, the compelling cold, hard stone to express clearly
+     what I intended to convey is the result of a dogged grind of nearly
+     three years' incessant toil. Have I succeeded, do you think? Of
+     course you have not seen the original, but the photographs are
+     excellent work, having been taken at various angles and positions
+     and under my supervision. You will observe that the work is--well,
+     nothing short of monumental will express it. And, unless a
+     government or an institution is moved to buy it, I shall probably
+     have to build a house around it! However, I'm not discouraged
+     though I've gone in debt for years to come and mortgaged almost my
+     soul in order to get the wherewithal to complete the work. I
+     suppose this is what you call 'the artistic temperament.' But I
+     simply had to do it--I had to get it out of my system and in doing
+     so I feel that I have lived up to the best that was in me. After
+     all there is some consolation in the thought that one _has_ lived
+     up to one's best instincts. How goes your own work? And your
+     missus? Ask her to write me and tell me without circumlocution what
+     she thinks of my effort, especially the conception on the whole. I
+     should like to have discussed it with her and to have had her
+     opinion in the making. Over here one gets only the one-sided
+     opinion of one's confreres or the unimaginative view-point of a few
+     moneyed Americans who want names (_BIG TYPE_) to fill up the bare
+     wall-spaces.... I should like to ask your wife whether she is
+     pursuing her work in earnest or whether like so many lady
+     _dilettantes_ she is only amusing herself.... How I should like to
+     see you both here this coming summer! Is it not possible? I'll turn
+     over my menage to you if that is an inducement. Let me hear from
+     you soon and send me the latest picture of the son and heir.
+
+     "Yours fraternally,
+
+         "J. G."
+
+I had thrilled at the mere suggestion of a trip abroad but relegated the
+thought to a background of remote probabilities and gave myself up to an
+eager contemplation of the photographic reproductions of the sculptor's
+work. Following the numbers indicated on the back of each, I arranged
+the photographs consecutively across the wall.
+
+The form appeared to be a kind of spiral, each step or incline complete
+in itself yet suggesting a connecting thread. At first glance I was
+struck with the multiplicity of figures, all nearly life size. But as my
+eagerness gave way to soberer perspective, something I had overlooked
+now asserted itself: _In the score of characters represented there were
+but two faces--that of one man and one woman!_ That is to say, the two
+faces were reproduced ... yet ... or did one's fancy play at tricks?...
+I applied the magnifying glass.... Yes, there were but two faces, both
+repeatedly used by the artist, but with what wondrous and illuminating
+difference! Starting from the left and lowest plane--symbolic of the
+theme--there was embodied in the figures of the man and maid the lowest
+form of love.... The youthful prettiness of the girl, the soft roundness
+of her form, the maiden breast ... all these but accentuated the
+undeveloped soul. Her very attitude, the abandon as she lay smiling,
+half-hid amongst the leaves and blooms ... here, indeed, was "a parley
+to provocation." ... Above her towered the figure of a man. In his
+spare, sinewy form, conscient of its strength, vibrant with sex, the
+young male was epitomized.... "Instinct" need not be carved across the
+base.... Instinct, the first and lowest form of love.
+
+From the grassy knoll the path ascended to a rocky promontory, bleak,
+arid. Straining 'gainst the fury of the storm, the man and woman
+climbed; his muscles tense, confusion limned upon his face; the woman,
+crouching in her fright, hiding her face in her wind-tossed hair; while
+underfoot they trampled on a mask, the leering mask of former self ...
+and, riding on the wind, half cloud, half god, a phantom with veiled
+face laid on the lash.... Confusion.... Chaos....
+
+The path led on and up through thorny underbrush; a parched earth; the
+cactus plant; some blanched bones, a horned toad. He stood apart with
+sullen mien; his features thick and brutalized; his muscles lax and
+loose, as if impotent rage had yielded to dumb apathy. The woman, lying
+prone, distorted with revolt and fright, seeking to shut out from view
+the hideous deformity at her breast--half man, half beast; its clenched
+fists, contorted legs raised to rebel; the grotesque mask miming its own
+despair. And in the background, poised on abyss-edge, a Hecate band
+whirled in orgy-dance.... Where is the tutelary goddess now--the Better
+Self, the Soul of Things? And even as I asked I followed in the path
+which, still inclining, reached a broad plateau. In the foreground, the
+man--gaunt and grim--the grimness of despair; his muscles knotted, his
+horny hands, the poised axe. Through the matted woods a skulking
+wolf.... Beyond, the woman; haggard of face, drawn with fatigue; no
+longer full and round of form. Dropping seeds on fresh-tilled earth; a
+living burden on her back; around her neck two chubby arms. And at the
+entrance to the cave, half blended with the rocks, the Inscrutable One
+stood guard.... "The Will to Live" was written here....
+
+The path winds on, steeper, more tortuous still; by cliffs, abyss,
+_impasse_, bald peaks, the Mount is reached ... and here they rest....
+Like complements they stand, hand clasping hand, looking out and beyond;
+serene of brow, though scarred with age. An august peace, the harvest
+yield. A straight firm youth hangs on his mother's arm ... and in that
+life is blent the best of both--the purpose of the race. The mantle of
+the clouds half moulds a form; the hands reach forth to stroke their
+eyes.... It is _the awakening_....
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV
+
+
+When Experience came in some time later, bringing a cup of chicken
+broth, she found me at my writing desk. Commenting on my flushed cheeks,
+she urged me back to bed. But a feverish energy had seized upon me: to
+work, to accomplish, to be independent of another's maintenance. There
+was a prescience that in the not far distant future I should have need
+of such resource, materially and spiritually. I shook off the foreboding
+as a connotation of my physical condition. To take my place in the
+world's work was the grandiose euphemism with which I lulled my
+uneasiness. That same night I unearthed my working kit from the closet
+in which it had been stored. One of the rooms of our apartment bearing
+the honorary title of "boudoir" had a southern exposure, and, as we were
+on the first floor nearest heaven, the light was good even on gloomy
+days, which abounded at this season of the year. I shall never forget
+the sense of exhilaration with which I cleared the decks for action. It
+was as if some great force had breathed the vital impetus into my
+nostrils. When I had donned my brown overall-apron I paused and inhaled,
+deep and long. It was the first free breath I had drawn for weeks.
+
+In reviewing the busts I had made of Boy while he was still a baby I was
+struck with the child's likeness to his father. Even Experience
+commented on it. I set to modelling other heads. Inspired by the example
+of our sculptor friend I essayed studies in expression. Boy, in a
+laughing mood; Boy, crying; sulking, in a temper; Boy asleep, his head
+pillowed on Snyder--Snyder, now so altered and disfigured by painless
+surgery at the hands of Experience as to be hardly recognizable. From
+the face and head I turned to a study of the hands. It had always
+appeared to me that there was more of the real character written in the
+human hand than in any other feature of the human form. I studied,
+absorbingly, the expression the artist had portrayed in the hands of the
+Inscrutable One as they emerged from the cloud-like drapery in the final
+grouping on the Mount. Strength, firmness, a certain largeness and
+benignity and withal a caressing tenderness.... It pleased and
+surprised me to observe, how, with each new effort, the clay responded
+more readily to my touch. Sometimes I made experiments with modelling
+wax; a pinch here, a pressure there and the whole expression changed.
+
+When my touch had mastered a certain sureness and deftness I planned a
+nude of Boy with the idea of later executing it in marble. I worked
+unceasingly; a relentless energy urged me on--to what purpose it never
+suggested itself to enquire. In my ardour I hardly paused to eat. But,
+conception is one thing; execution another. I began to understand the
+"dogged grind" the sculptor had spoken of. A kind of despair flagged my
+spirit. At such times I dragged myself out of doors. Sometimes Boy would
+accompany me on these walks, but for the greater part I went alone. I
+liked the overcast, drizzly days best. There was a quiet, a solace, in
+the unfrequented paths and woodsy corners of the upper boundaries of the
+Park. I spent hours sitting upon the rocks feeding the friendly
+squirrels, or tramping in the leaf-mouldy tangle. And by degrees my
+spirit yielded to the balm of solitude. Once again life fell into a
+groove. I told myself I had reached a readjustment of my life. For
+Boy's sake, if for no other, my husband and I should go on together. The
+fact that I still loved my husband I placed as a parenthetic
+consideration, in my plans. Boy was the capstone of our married life.
+Having brought him into the world without the desire or power of
+selection on his part, obviously our first duty was to the child.
+"Honour thy father and thy mother" had always appeared to me in dire
+need of amendment. Why honour parents who are not qualified to command
+either respect or affection? "Be fruitful and multiply": whether saint
+or sinner, breed! breed! breed! Paugh! When will a Wise Prophet arise to
+reveal a doctrine of eugenics?--to preach that _quality, not quantity_,
+makes for the betterment of a race--that to be well born is the rightful
+heritage of the unborn....
+
+With the resolution to write my husband out of the fullness of my
+convictions I hurried homeward. The wind had shifted, and sharp bits of
+sleet cut against my face. Hearing me come in, Experience had brought me
+a cup of tea. I smiled at the ginger-bread dogs--all replicas of
+Snyder--which she told me she had made with the hope of amusing Boy. He
+had been querulous and quite unlike his happy self; she feared he was
+not well, though at this moment he was sleeping quietly. I tip-toed into
+his room and, discerning no unnatural symptoms, I left him undisturbed.
+
+The letter written, I gave myself up to the quiet hour: it was dusk, and
+with night a soothing hush seemed to pervade the activities of man. In
+the shadows of the room the whiteness of the plaster casts gleamed like
+tombstones, the lonely sentinels of the dead. I recall I shuddered at
+the thought and forthwith switched on the light. Once in every little
+while I looked in upon my Boy. When at last he opened his eyes and
+smiled at me, I hugged him to my breast with such vehemence as to make
+him cry out. His bedtime bath had always been the signal for a romp.
+To-night, however, he seemed disinclined to play. A hot dryness of his
+skin caused me to take his temperature. I found nothing disquieting in
+the slight rise, and in response to his mood I lay down beside him to
+wait for the sand-man. All night he tossed. In the morning the
+temperature had risen to an alarming degree. I sent for the doctor. He
+came twice during the day. In the night Boy was seized with a
+convulsion. When the doctor arrived in answer to a summons by
+telephone, he looked grave. Something clutched about my heart. It was
+with almost superhuman effort I framed the words.... "Shall I ... send
+for his father?..." The doctor nodded. "How long will it take him to get
+here?" he said....
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI
+
+
+In a driving rain, under a weeping sky, we followed the little white
+casket to the grave--the three of us. There, in the presence of only the
+mole-faced grave-diggers and the man of professional black, we yielded
+him up. Experience had asked, with a kind of awe, whether she should
+call in a minister. I could have shrieked at the mere suggestion! A
+minister? On what pretence? To mumble platitudinous euphemisms, worn
+thread-bare from usage--to essay to comfort me with specious consolation
+ground out like a gramophone: "Be brave, my child! He has gone to a
+better world," or "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away," or, again,
+"You are not alone in your affliction; other mothers have suffered their
+dear ones to be removed," et cetera, et cetera. Words! Words! Words!...
+
+As they lowered him in the grave, his father held me close and, in a
+voice tremulous with tears, he quoted reverently: "And from his fair
+and unpolluted flesh may violets spring." ... And when the earth thud
+harshly 'gainst the coffin lid, closing him away forever ... never again
+to hold him in my arms--never again to feel his cheek on mine.... O,
+Death! your sting lies buried in the hearts of those who stay behind ...
+and then to leave him there ... alone ... in the heavy silence of the
+dead ... so cold ... all unresisting, his roguish laughter hushed ...
+his lips, once red, now blue and drawn ... the wax-like lids shadowed
+with heavy fringe ... my Boy ... my Boy ... whose coming we had
+deplored, whose little life had so entwined itself about my heart as
+made a part of me--the better part.... Well ... he had not tarried
+long.... Boy ... _Boy_....
+
+In the overwhelming grief which had come to me, life appeared a void; a
+vacuous, heavy-footed thing, with moments of suspended thought, a
+merciful numbness of despair, a sound, a familiar sight, a rush of
+memory, a freshet of tears, each overlapped the other, so fast they
+followed. One of the unpardonable and most resented slights to those in
+affliction is the even tenor with which the world wags on its way,
+callous and indifferent. One would have it stop, take heed, upheave....
+So, when Will announced that it were expedient to rejoin his company
+almost immediately I felt a sacrilege was about to be committed. His
+role was being played by an understudy, who, after the manner of
+understudies, was neither prepared nor equal to the emergency which had
+suddenly confronted him. Will urged me to accompany him, pointing out
+that to remain in the apartment alone with ever-present reminders of my
+loss were to nurse my grief and keep the wound always fresh
+
+    "Unnumbered cords, frail strands full fraught with pain,
+    That join the soul to things of time and sense."
+
+The thought of leaving all that held the nearness of his spirit was
+repugnant to me. I wanted to be alone with my grief. Gradually I came to
+realize that it was for the best. Experience, too--simple, honest
+soul--was shaken by the suddenness and swiftness of our loss. I decided
+to send her to her home for a rest and change of scene. After all, what
+did it matter where I went?... Boy was not there....
+
+The season dragged by, drab and comfortless. Will's devotion to me was
+the only ray of light in the murkiness of my spirit. Our common grief
+had bridged the gulf between us. All the gentleness, the tenderness in
+his nature seemed to revive. He never left me to accept invitations in
+which he knew I could not share; something like the old camaraderie was
+restored between us. I found a kind of balm in the thought that, if the
+death of my son had been the means of bringing my husband and me closer
+together, the sacrifice had not been in vain--and yet--and yet ... in
+the inner consciousness of my heart I knew the truth: had I been called
+upon to choose, the sacrifice had not been Boy. Truly, life is a
+continuous compromise.
+
+The season ended, we returned to New York. Because we could not afford
+to move--there being the usual deficit in the family budget--we opened
+the apartment. To dwell upon the resurging pain which the reminders in
+my home undammed were to make fetish of my grief. Neither did I ask
+Experience to return. She, too, belonged to the past of things.
+
+Will had determined to leave his present management and seek new fields.
+The company for the next season was to be curtailed and the cast
+cheapened, an extended tour of one-night stands. The summer was passed
+in New York, and luckily, except for periodic waves of tropical heat,
+the weather was not unendurable. Will spent a goodly part of his time at
+the Lambs' Club, where he said he kept in touch with the activities of
+the managerial world. The season promised to be backward. Plans appeared
+to be slow of consummation. The tedium began to tell on Will's nerves
+and his temper, especially when he found himself suspended from the
+Lambs for non-payment of dues. None of his colleagues came to his
+rescue. That the theatrical profession is a fraternal organization is
+another of those popular fallacies. There can be no spirit of fraternity
+in an overcrowded profession.
+
+It became expedient that Will appeal to his father for financial
+assistance, a resort which he postponed as long as possible, since the
+old gentleman invariably accompanied his grudging remittances with
+advice, censure and no little contumely. Will could not understand why
+he was not "snapped up" at once, so he expressed it. He had made good in
+his last engagement, had kept himself well advertised (_vide_ the
+press-agent) and it would appear that, as a natural sequence, his
+services should be in demand. He commented on the statement made by
+several managers, viz.: they had nothing in his line. It was evident
+that in making a pronounced success in a certain _genre_ of plays he had
+become identified with the one type of hero and the managers could "see"
+him in no other. Managers are, with rare exceptions, an unimaginative
+lot. In no other way can one explain the deluge of plays patterned on
+the same type: for example, let a manager by hit or miss produce
+successfully a play built around the Far West, immediately there spring
+up a dozen of the ilk. Or, again, let a play of farcical construction
+score a hit; the public is immediately surfeited with a run of farces.
+So with the actor. Let him once become identified with heroes of
+romantic drama and the manager fears to entrust him with the dress-suit
+role, and vice versa.
+
+More and more I was impressed with the ephemeral quality of the actor's
+success. At best the actor's is an aleatory profession and, as in all
+games of chance, the losses score highest.
+
+It was well along in the autumn when Will signed and immediately began
+rehearsals. The star was a petulant little lady who, by grace of her
+marriage with a manager, had been hoisted to her present position, a
+position to which she was not equal either by training, personality or
+talent. For several seasons the husband-manager had invested--and
+lost--large sums of money in the attempt to build up a following for his
+wife. The present venture was a kind of last straw. That there was more
+or less "feeling" between the couple was evinced by their frequent
+_passages d'armes_ of a personal nature, at rehearsals. Accustomed as he
+was to the thoroughness of the stage-management under which he had
+worked during the past two seasons, Will found the hit and miss methods
+of his new affiliation disconcerting and irritating. In addition to
+this, the husband-manager-director had a picturesque if not a literate
+command of the language. He was in the habit of standing in the centre
+aisle or at the back of the theatre and shouting his directions to the
+members on the stage. When, as sometimes happened, a member resented the
+manager's method of criticism in no uncertain terms, that personage
+would back down and with tearful, if blasphemous, appeal explain
+himself. On opening nights, in response to the persistent calls from the
+claque, the manager reluctantly (!) appeared before the curtain to bow
+his acknowledgment--in shirt sleeves--his air of exhaustion contrasting
+sharply with his jaws which worked a piece of chewing-gum like a
+ticket-chopper in rush hours. It would seem that the vanity of actors is
+not an exclusive attribute.
+
+The metropolitan reception of the play and star was not one of
+unmitigated joy. The husband-manager, not liking the opinions of the
+press, talked back both in print and from the stage. Two ghastly weeks
+in New York, playing to a papered house or empty seats, and the company
+took to the coal regions. Another fortnight was spent sparring for open
+time, reluctantly doled out to the weak, and the company gave up the
+ghost. Obviously Will had entered upon a cycle of bad luck. I took upon
+myself to look for an engagement. Not only on account of the material
+consideration, but because the emptiness and loneliness of my life had
+become no longer endurable. Self-imposed tasks palled. My mind refused
+to concentrate upon the line of study I had outlined. "And thus the
+native hue of resolution is sickled o'er with the pale cast of thought."
+The career I once planned for myself had been consigned to the dump
+heap of lost illusions. I could not touch the clay which once had
+thrilled me with ambition.
+
+Will went about with me on my visits to various managers. He encouraged
+me in my intention and I was glad to interest him, to take him out of
+himself, as it were. His run of hard luck had preyed on his nerves and
+frayed his temper. There was reason for me to suspect he was drinking
+more than was good for him. Finally there came an offer of a small part
+in a musical comedy which had settled down for a run in New York. The
+fact that I was possessed of no great amount of vocal equipment did not
+preclude me from the field. The manager intimated that what I lacked in
+voice I made up in pulchritude, though I recall he referred to it as
+"shape." The salary was to be thirty-five dollars a week. The gowns were
+furnished--those worn by my predecessor--though I was called upon to
+supply my own shoes, silk hose and gloves. In reality I was to be
+nothing more than a show-girl, with a few lines to speak.
+
+Will was in front the night I made my debut. After the performance we
+went to a restaurant, there to talk it over. Congratulating me on my
+"getting away with it" and telling me how "peachy" I looked, he
+laughingly predicted a line of Johnnies at the stage door, flowers, and
+the usual perquisites of the chorus girl.... "If you weren't wise to the
+game, I'd give you a few pointers," he said, ... "but" ... and here he
+reached across the table and patted me on the hands.... "I reckon you're
+equal to any situation, old pard.... Just sit tight until I again land
+on my feet and then you can cut it out, if you like."
+
+I did not find myself subjected to any fierce onslaughts on the part of
+the Johnnies or _viveurs_ about town. Once or twice I received a note
+accompanied with flowers. The former I destroyed; the latter I promptly
+presented to the least pretty of my five dressing-room mates. She wore
+them on the stage and made eyes at the donor, who occupied an upper box,
+much to my amusement and to his confusion. I discouraged intimacies of
+all kinds, with one exception. But of this more hereafter. The stage
+director never attempted to chuck me under the chin or call me "baby,"
+as he did other members of the cast. I had had my little run-in with him
+at rehearsal when he essayed to yell at me after the manner of his kind.
+I stopped short, the orchestra petered out in discord and, walking to
+the apron of the stage, I modulated my voice, so that it reached him
+quietly but effectively, where he stood in the back of the theatre. "Mr.
+M----," I had said, "if you have any further suggestion to offer, you
+will please do so in a less offensive manner. My hearing is good and I
+believe I have the average amount of intelligence." There was an ominous
+silence and the martinet started down the aisle. Behind me I heard a
+buzz of approbation from the girls who had suffered at his hands. Just
+why the bully changed his mind I never knew. At any rate the rehearsal
+was continued. Later the manager chaffed me about the incident. The
+manager was an undeveloped little person--as if some hereditary blight
+had nipped him in the bud--distinctly Semitic in all his traits. Will
+had known him from the time he had abandoned haberdashery for theatrical
+management; indeed, I believe he had been a member of the manager's
+first venture into the field.
+
+One feature which stands out most prominently in retrospect was my
+adaptability to my surroundings. Conditions which once had shocked me no
+longer left an impression. Obviously the finer edge of my nature had
+worn blunt. Things appeared to me in a kind of impersonal light. My
+present path had been chosen from necessity; a part of the scheme of
+things, yet a thing apart. The commonplace round of concerns and duties
+went on, but life, real life, for the time being lay fallow.
+Occasionally, when I caught myself dropping into the slang and jargon I
+had absorbed from my fellow workers, I mused a bit and pulled myself up
+with a sharp curb. But, as I have said, I was no longer disturbed or
+impressed with conditions which once had sent the blood to my cheeks.
+
+The easy familiarity between the sexes which I had thought sufficiently
+deplorable in the "legitimate" branch of the theatrical profession was
+in the comic opera world flagrantly increased. I have heard a
+distinction made between immorality and unmorality, but I fail to
+observe any slight deviation from the general result. Vulgar stories,
+steeped in smut, went the rounds. Each new one was welcomed and passed
+down the line. If one betrayed her disapproval by ignoring the
+_raconteur_, she was laughed down and thereafter referred to as "very
+up-stage." In the dressing-rooms modesty of person was an unknown
+quantity. Not infrequently I found "extra" gentlemen performing lady's
+maid service for one of the girls. On one occasion when I slipped on the
+iron stairway leading to the stage, badly wrenching my ankle, a sturdy
+stage-hand picked me up, carried me to my dressing-room, and, before I
+realized what he was about, had pulled off my shoe and was in way of
+removing my stocking when I protested. "O, well, if you're that fussy--"
+he said as he went out....
+
+One of the most pernicious influences to be contended against by the
+girl who tries to go straight is the never-ceasing topic of "men" and
+"money." The man behind the bankroll is the basis, in one form or
+another, of all the chorus-girl conversations. To be picked out by a man
+of means to marry, or, failing this, to be set up in a "swell" apartment
+and "put it all over" the girls of her acquaintance, is the hope which
+springs eternal in the chorus-girl breast. Even in hard times, when the
+champagne appetite needs must be quenched with beer, she dreams of
+diamonds. Standing in the wings, waiting for the cue, one hears an
+exchange of banter such as this: "Heard you was at the Abbaye last
+night.... Where'd you pick him up?... Say, don't you believe anything he
+tells you! Henny knows all about him and he says that for a tight-wad
+he's got Russell Sage skinned to death!" Or ... "I was at Morrisheimer's
+to-day; they're havin' a sale of models. I gotta three-piece velvet suit
+for thirty-five dollars, marked down from seventy." ... "Say! He must be
+good to you. Why don't you introduce me to some of your gentlemen
+friends?"
+
+I once asked a chorus girl of considerable notoriety how she had come to
+enter the profession. "O," she replied, "my folks was the poor but
+respectable kind. There was a big family of us, and I, bein' the oldest,
+had to help out. I didn't get much schoolin' and, after tryin' half a
+dozen things like bein' a chamber maid, waitin' in a restaurant and that
+kind of business, I tumbled to the fact that I wusn't bad lookin'.
+That's all I had; my face and my shape, and the stage was the best place
+to show 'em."
+
+My dressing-room mates were typical show-girls; maniere, self-conscious
+and always on parade. It was painfully evident they felt themselves
+above the chorus, though some of them were pleased to forget the fact
+that they were but recently graduated from that class.
+
+One of these girls afterward married an English baronet. I have since
+wondered what disposition was made of the baronet's mother-in-law. I
+made her acquaintance in the dressing-room one evening, whither she had
+come to mend her daughter's wardrobe. She was a splendid specimen of the
+complaisant stage-mamma. Clad in rusty black, her portly figure bulging
+from ill-fitting stays, one might mistake her for the type of
+scrub-woman one sees about the large office buildings of early mornings,
+but never, never would one suspect her of being the mother of this
+near-Vere-de-Vere. Voluble to a point of madness, she would acquaint you
+with the family history, the cause and intimate details of her husband's
+untimely taking off and the great hopes she entertained for her
+daughter's "getting on." Sometimes she brought with her the youngest of
+her offspring, a little girl of six who had already made her debut as a
+child-actress. Like all children of the stage, she was precocious and
+most unchild-like. In the enactment of laws which are aimed to protect
+the child-labourer, an attempt is being made to bring about an exemption
+of their application to the stage-child. That the child-actor receives
+better pay, that he or she works less hours and under more sanitary
+surroundings than do children in other trades and professions, cannot be
+gainsaid. But is the economic welfare of the child the prime and only
+consideration? Is the physical protection the one and uppermost
+consummation to be desired? What of the spiritual, the moral side of the
+stage-child? If environment bear the strong influence on human life we
+are led to believe, then should the stage-child be removed from its
+infectious surroundings. The old saw to the effect of pitch and
+defilement is here most applicable.
+
+I have referred elsewhere to the exception I made in my discouragement
+of intimacies. On that morning at rehearsal when I had resented the
+stage-director's mode of criticism, among others who had approved my act
+was a girl whose face had at once attracted me. She was pretty and of
+less common type than the chorus averages. There was something
+individual about her. Her appearance was neat and I had observed that
+her clothes were neither so new nor so extreme as were those of her
+colleagues. Also I was impressed with a quiet refinement of manner and
+her usage of good English. As we became better acquainted she sometimes
+waited for me after the performance and we walked together to the
+underground station, where our lines diverged. Later I had asked her to
+dine with me on a Sunday when Will was away on a week-end motor trip.
+She appeared to enjoy the home atmosphere and visited with me in the
+kitchen while I was preparing dinner. Feeling that with our reduced
+income we could not afford it, I had dispensed with a servant. And as
+Will rarely, if ever, dined at home, my housekeeping duties were not
+onerous.
+
+"This is what I have always longed for--a little home all my own," Leila
+had remarked, smiling wistfully.... It was after dinner and we had
+settled ourselves for a chat.
+
+"Then, in the name of common sense, dear girl, why did you go on the
+stage? Home life and a stage career are as antipodal as the poles."
+
+"And yet you manage to blend the two rather charmingly," she retorted.
+
+"Absurd! I'm not trying for a career, and as for home life ... my dear
+child, it's the merest pretense. Half the time we are not at home and
+the flat has either to be let or remain closed. One never knows from day
+to day when the furniture will be packed off to storage."
+
+"Yes ... I presume you are right.... How did I come to go on the
+stage?... Well, I suppose it was because I wanted a career of some
+kind.... I wanted to _do something_; you know how empty and shallow the
+average girl's life is, with the endless round of parties, visits, fancy
+work and that sort of thing. I was an only daughter, too. Father was
+well-to-do and wrapped up in the affairs of the small city in which we
+lived. After he died, mother thought she would like to travel. We went
+abroad. It was over there that the idea of a career took a stronger hold
+on me. About the only talent I could lay any claim to was music. I had
+always played and sung at our home concerts and church sociables.... But
+mother didn't encourage me in my ambitions. She argued that, since
+father had left us comfortably fixed, why should I want to worry my head
+about work? Besides, she said my first duty was to her as long as she
+lived. So there it rested.... We just drifted from place to place ...
+vegetating...."
+
+"Some parents are like that," I commented.
+
+Leila rested her chin in her palms and went on.... "After mother died I
+resolved to go after that career. I returned abroad to study...." She
+chuckled a little, probably, at the remembrance.... "Of course, the
+_teachers_ said I had a great future ahead of me ... with application
+and patience ... infinite patience. Meanwhile I must study--and pay
+exorbitant prices for my tuition. The income which had been ample for my
+needs heretofore did not go very far under the new regime. I found it
+necessary to cut into the capital, realizing the danger of such a move,
+but soothing my fears with the dream of my great future.... Well, honey,
+the splendid career as you see has ended in the chorus.... And, what's
+more, I'm living on my salary." She picked up Will's guitar and began
+strumming on it. "What I can't understand," she continued after a while,
+"what I feel most is the fact that I don't seem able to pull myself out
+of it. I see other girls lifting themselves to better positions; I know
+I can sing better than any one of them.... There was Miss Nelson whom
+you succeeded. As soon as I heard she was to retire I went to the
+manager and asked for her place. He sent me to the musical director,
+who heard me sing, commented favorably and said he would report to the
+manager. That was the last I heard of it until rehearsal was called and
+I learned that you had been engaged.... Tell me, honestly, what's the
+matter with me? Why don't I get on? Is it because I haven't any _pull_
+or because--" She did not finish her sentence, but switched to
+another.... "Take our prima donna for example: three years ago she was
+playing a part not bigger than yours. Now look at her! My voice is as
+good as hers, if not better, but I can't get them to let me even
+understudy her." ...
+
+A vision of the prima donna passed before my eye; an insipidly pretty
+woman whose sudden rise to fame had turned her empty little head. Vain,
+impetuous, over-keyed, already the marks of dissipation were leaving
+their indelible stamp. Whenever I saw her, resplendent in sables,
+dangling her jewelled gold-mesh purse, my mind reverted to a well-known
+club-man's comment on virtue: "I always measure the chastity of the
+unprotected female by the size of her gold-mesh bag; the larger the bag
+the less the virtue."
+
+Leila, bent on relieving her mind and heart, went on: "When I went into
+the chorus it was a choice between that and Macy's. Of course I'd heard
+things about the life, but I told myself that a girl who wants to can go
+straight in any walk of life. I had all those copy-book maxims at the
+tip of my tongue: 'Virtue is its own reward,' and 'Then let us be up and
+doing, with a heart for any fate; still achieving, still pursuing, learn
+to labour and to wait,' or something like that.... Willie Stewart--you
+know the little black-eyed girl who plays next to me on the left--it was
+she who gave me my first eye-opener. Seeing that I was new at the
+business, she came to me shortly after we opened and asked me if I
+didn't want to meet some gentlemen; that she had been asked to bring
+some of the girls with her to a beefsteak party which was to be pulled
+off that night. I thanked her and told her I did not care to go. Willie
+squinted her eyes a little in sizing me up, then treated me to the
+following advice: 'Look here, angel child, you'd better go back to home
+and mother. This is no place for a minister's daughter. If you haven't
+got sense enough to take a chance when it's brought to you on a silver
+tray--well, all I've got to say is that you're in wrong. Managers want
+the girls that are popular and the way to be popular is to mingle. Just
+remember that you don't get anything for nothing in this business or in
+no other, as far as I've been able to observe. It's give up--_give up
+all along the line_ and it's only the foxy dame that gets what's comin'
+to her, even then!'"
+
+"Willie has a very large gold bag, I have noticed," I said.
+
+"And a sealskin coat," Leila added. Then she jumped to her feet and
+struck at the sofa pillows viciously.... "It isn't the clothes and that
+sort of thing that appeal to me. It isn't the fact that I'm living in a
+dingy little room and trying to make ends meet; I'd live on a box of
+Uneeda Biscuits a day if I saw any hope, the faintest ray of hope that I
+could win out clean, on merit alone, in the end.... Sometimes I think
+I'm wrong and that they are right--"
+
+"Leila! You don't think anything of the sort! You know you are right!
+Hold on a little while longer; you're sure to win! Why, with a voice
+like yours, and your beauty, I should feel so sure of winning that
+nothing else would matter--and it doesn't, Leila, nothing else really
+counts if you live up to the best that's in you!" I had worked myself
+up to a state of enthusiasm where I almost believed my own words. I took
+her by the shoulders and held her at arm's length. We looked into each
+other's eyes, each trying to pierce the veil behind which are concealed
+our true thoughts.
+
+It was nearing the holidays when Will signed for the engagement which
+was destined to play such an important role in our future lives. The
+star was of foreign origin, with a fascinating accent and a steadily
+increasing reputation for eroticism. Under the guise of "high-brow"
+drama she revelled in the portrayal of abnormal femininity. Her
+adeptness in "suggestive" scenes, to which she lent a startling
+verisimilitude, soon gained for her a large, if not altogether
+intellectual, following. Will was not altogether satisfied with his
+role, but what actor ever is? I consoled him with the fact that the
+salary was good and that but little of the present season remained.
+
+With Will on the road, left to myself in the empty apartment, the blue
+devils renewed their lease. And when the approach of the Christmas
+season began to manifest itself in shop-windows and in holiday rush, my
+heartache increased manifold. Leila and I were much together in those
+days. My little friend's increasing depression, instead of augmenting my
+own, acted as a spur to brighter moods. Together we made the round of
+the shops or tramped through the snow in Central Park. Sometimes we
+lingered to watch the young people skating on the ice; again we hitched
+ourselves to sleds to the merriment of small folk. Coming home alone
+from a matinee I would find myself following a party of children out on
+an ante-holiday survey. Standing close to them I listened to their
+prattle and eager expectancy of a visit from Santa Claus.... If the
+tears came I swallowed hard. No one was near to heed. In the seclusion
+of my home I fought it out alone.
+
+It had been my intention to carry a box of flowers to the dear one's
+grave on Christmas morning. Passing one day through a wretched quarter
+of the East Side in search of a dilatory laundress, my steps halted in
+front of a cheap toy-shop. Beside me stood a small boy, clinging to the
+hand of an older girl, their eyes riveted upon the display within. With
+one grimy little hand, stiff and rough from the cold, the small man
+smeared the tears from his eyes and snivelled. His threadbare coat,
+sizes too large for his meagre frame, his toes showing through his
+shoes. The girl's face was peaked and old, as if the despair of life had
+already left its stamp. There was something infinitely tender in the way
+she held the boy close to her, mutely comforting his grief, her eyes
+meeting half defiantly the tinselled magnet of the shop-window, her lips
+compressed to stop their mutinous tremble. When at last I brought myself
+to break in upon their thoughts, they looked at me like startled
+fawns....
+
+The overture was on when I rushed into the theatre that afternoon. With
+Leila's help I was in time for my cue. And it was with Leila's help that
+I dressed the toys and trimmed the tree and between us, late on
+Christmas Eve, we toted a big basket on and off the cars, up the dingy
+stairs where Maggie kept house for "me brudder" while their mother went
+out to work.... It was Boy's offering, not mine....
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII
+
+
+Coming out of the stage door after the performance one night shortly
+after the New Year, the back-door keeper met me with the information
+that a gentleman was waiting to see me. Before I could frame a reply a
+bulky figure emerged from the gloom. I recognized Mr. F. of Chicago.
+There was something akin to embarrassment in the way he proffered his
+hand, though his grip was not lacking in geniality. Of the two I was the
+more self-possessed. To my polite inquiries about his family he murmured
+something about their being all right, he guessed, and abruptly changed
+the subject by asking me to "come jump in a taxi and let's go somewhere
+for a bite of supper." I did not understand why I so readily acquiesced.
+On the way to Rector's--he himself having made the choice of
+restaurant--we exchanged amenities. I believe I deplored the fact that I
+was not dressed for the occasion, and he had replied with a flattering
+speech intended to salve my vanity. After he had ordered the most
+expensive items on the menu, he settled back in his chair, toyed with
+his fork, looked at me searchingly, then broke out laughing. The
+laughter was not pleasant to the ear; it left an unpleasant
+apprehension. He leaned across the table with a confidential air and
+smiled quizzically....
+
+"Do you remember the last time we had supper together?"
+
+I nodded and coaxed a smile.
+
+"Perfectly," I responded.
+
+A silence, while Mr. F. traced strange hieroglyphics on the napery.
+After a while he tossed aside the fork with the air of one casting off
+unpleasant memories, and settled back in his chair.
+
+"Tell me about yourself," he commanded. "How is the world using you?
+What in the name of wonder ever took you on the comic opera stage? I
+couldn't believe my own eyes when I spotted you to-night, and, of
+course, the name on the programme meant nothing to me. I shook my
+friends as soon as the performance was over and interviewed the
+back-door keeper. He told me you were Mrs. Hartley in private life....
+Well, what's the answer?"
+
+"There's nothing mysterious about my present occupation. Mr. Hartley
+hasn't been especially lucky this season, and when a chance to help out
+a bit presented itself I took it ... that's all.... I presume you know
+that we lost our boy...."
+
+"Yes--yes ... I knew, of course." His tone was curt, but I understood
+his reluctance to dwell upon the subject. The return of the waiter ended
+a painful silence. After that Mr. F. kept up a running fire of gossip
+and questions about stage life. But beneath the surface I sensed and
+lent him tacit aid in his effort to steer clear of the topic I knew to
+be uppermost in his mind. From time to time rumours of a fresh rupture
+with his wife had reached me. In fact, it was Will who had acquainted me
+with the news of their final estrangement. He confided the details of
+the lady's latest excursion into the realm of the illicit, with the
+sententious air of, "There! Didn't I predict what would happen?" and a
+shrug of the shoulders. I am not sure that it was not Will's intent to
+sympathize with himself as a victim of circumstances over which he had
+no control. Indeed, the occasional bursts of confidences which he thrust
+upon me, and in which he discussed quite frankly the indiscretions of
+certain lion-hunting ladies, were made, I felt, with the hope of
+impressing upon me the pitfalls with which a man in his profession is
+surrounded. Or was it vanity, or a desire to fan the old flame of
+passion he once had aroused--a passion, which, if the paraphrase is
+pardonable, was now "tame and waited on judgment?"
+
+In some way--I am not certain how it came about, since "made"
+conversation is at best disjointed and lacks in sequence--a random
+remark inspired a challenge from Mr. F., who offered to lay a bet that I
+was in the wrong. "O, no," I had replied, "I don't want you to lose;
+besides, you do not pay your gambling debts promptly. Do you know you
+never sent me that box of candy I won from you in Cincinnati? Mr. F....
+you're not a good sport!" With a shock I realized I was in shallow
+waters.... He looked at me with his eyes narrowed to mere slits....
+"Well, little woman, I can't say that of you, can I?... I can't say that
+you're not a good sport--after that performance in Cincinnati." ...
+
+I flushed but made a heroic effort to control my voice. "I don't think I
+follow you." Mr. F. beat up the bubbles in his glass and watched them
+come to the surface before he answered.
+
+"Of course you've heard about her latest affair with that Italian opera
+singer.... Well, I caught her with the goods this time.... For the sake
+of the children I'm letting her get the divorce...." He left off
+frowning and contemplated me with an amused smile. "Say, little woman,
+you did put it all over me there in Cincinnati, didn't you?... I suppose
+you're wondering how I got wise to it? Well, I wrung the confession out
+of her; I wouldn't let her get the divorce until she told me the truth,
+and then I checked it up through her sister, who's a pretty good
+sort.... All my life I've had a deep-rooted respect for a game sport....
+When I look at that pretty little face of yours and think of the job you
+cooked up at a moment's notice--well, I take off my hat to you, that's
+all!... Look here, little woman: if anything ever goes wrong between you
+and handsome Bill--and by Gad! I thought it had when I saw you on the
+stage to-night--if ever you need a friend, just tap the wires. There's
+my club address ... and, little lady--don't be afraid that I'll ask
+anything in return--do you follow me? I'm not any better than the rest
+of my kind, but I think I know the real thing when I meet it."
+
+While donning my wraps in the cloak-room some time later, I was
+surprised to see my little friend Leila enter and present her coat-check
+to the maid. She flushed a little in surprise as she greeted me: "Why,
+Mrs. Hartley! I didn't know you were here! Where were you sitting? Why
+didn't you tell me you were coming?"
+
+"I didn't know myself. I found an old acquaintance waiting, and of
+course he wanted to see 'where the soubrettes hang out.'"
+
+"How funny! My coming was unexpected, too. I'll tell you all about it
+to-morrow." She hurried away, a little eagerly, I thought. As I passed
+out in response to a beckon from Mr. F. I saw Leila being helped into a
+handsome fur coat.
+
+I told myself it was none of my business; that Leila knew perfectly well
+what she was doing and that any amount of advice from me would not only
+not be acted upon, but would be resented. Already she avoided me. To my
+pleadings that I was lonely--would she not dine with me at my home?--she
+responded with ever-ready but piffling excuses and subterfuges. I would
+see her emerge from her dressing-room after the performance, prettily
+dressed, get into a waiting taxicab and be whirled away. The situation
+preyed on my mind. Once I took courage in both hands and called at her
+lodging-house only to be told that Miss Moore had moved away a month
+since. I got the new address from the back-door keeper, and when my
+little friend was out of the cast through illness I seized the
+opportunity to call on her.
+
+It was one of those smaller apartment hotels in the West Forties; I was
+taken up in the elevator without challenge. The coloured maid who
+cautiously opened the door said she did not know whether her mistress
+would see me. Something in my manner, however, caused her to stand aside
+and let me enter. The rooms were tastefully if cheaply furnished. Leila
+was lying on a couch, propped with pillows and clad in a dainty silk
+kimono. She was taken by surprise and flushed a little as she extended
+her hand. The maid placed a chair for me.
+
+"I--I thought you had forgotten me," she stammered as I offered the
+flowers I had brought. "How good of you!"
+
+"They're only seconds, Leila, but the best I could afford." And,
+compared to the big American Beauties reposing in a vase near at hand,
+they certainly did look shop-worn.
+
+"It's a beastly day, isn't it? Let me send for a cup of tea or maybe
+you'd like a high-ball...."
+
+I declined both. The maid disappeared. Leila squirmed about on her
+pillows....
+
+"I'm sorry to see you ill, Leila," I ventured by way of breaking the
+ice.
+
+"O, I'm not really ill ... only a slight cold. I'm a bit run down and
+the Judge--that is--the doctor thought I should rest for a while. I'm
+not going back to the theatre this season.... It's awfully good of you
+to bother about me...."
+
+"Leila?" I said finally.... "Leila, is it worth it?"
+
+"Is what worth----"....
+
+"All this." I indicated the apartment, the piano, the silk negligee--and
+the ring on her finger.... "Is it worth the price you are paying?" I
+asked gently. She lifted her shoulders.
+
+"I don't know!" Her tone was half question, half defiance.... "I _do_
+know that the other way wasn't worth the sacrifices, the scrimping and
+mean pinching. I couldn't go on like that--I couldn't! I am young; I
+want some of the good things of life while I am still young ... and I
+was lonely. I didn't fit into my environment."
+
+"I understand, Leila.... Perhaps I appreciate the loneliness, the
+rebellion, better than you think.... You see other girls enjoying the
+good things of life and apparently happy. But, after all, happiness is
+purely relative, and what makes for their happiness might not make for
+yours. Leila, dear girl, couldn't you make up your mind to stick it out
+just a little while longer?... Things were sure to come your way--or,
+perhaps, you would meet the right man and marry and settle down in the
+little home of your own which you told me you have always craved."
+
+"The right kind of men don't marry chorus girls. The exceptions are
+rare. And what manner of men are they who _do_ marry a girl out of the
+chorus? Old worn-out roues, almost senile from the debauched lives they
+have led. They crave something young and fresh as an elixir of life.
+Sometimes it's a young blood with money; a black sheep of the family who
+drinks and sports, and in the end there's divorce if nothing worse....
+I couldn't marry a man like either of these.... It's a mistake to be too
+fastidious...."
+
+"Is--is--he married?"
+
+"He--O.... Yes, he's married--in a way. His wife and he have not really
+lived together for years. For the sake of the family they keep up
+appearances.... She doesn't understand him...."
+
+"Did _he_ tell you that--and you _believe_ it?"
+
+"But I know it's true! You'd believe it, too, if ever you were to see
+her. He married her when he was young and poor."
+
+"I presume they loved each other then; she probably pinched and scrimped
+in those days to help him--to help him get where he is to-day."
+
+"I don't know anything about that, of course. But I do know that I
+admire him; he has a wonderful mind. It's a privilege to be associated
+with a man like him. If you knew him, you would not think so badly of
+the--the arrangement."
+
+I left my chair to sit beside her on the couch.
+
+"Dear girl," I said, slipping my hand in hers, "Don't misunderstand me.
+I'm not sitting in judgment, neither am I criticizing you. But I want
+you to think of the future. Have you ever thought of the time when you
+will be no longer young? Have you never observed that type of woman one
+finds hanging around restaurants or hotel corridors, hoping to pick up a
+man, any man, it doesn't matter what kind of a man so long as he has a
+little money? These women are getting along in years, taking on flesh,
+hiding the ravages of time and dissipation with rouge, hair-dyes and
+more dissipation. They are fighting life and getting the worst of it,
+having put into life only their worst: thrown from one man's arms into
+another's: down the line--always down grade, lower and lower
+until--until what remains? The streets, the work-house, or suicide....
+Have you thought of that?"
+
+"No! _No! No!_--and I don't want to think of it!" She pounded her fists
+vehemently together.... "I'm tired of thinking of the future! I've done
+nothing all my life but think and live in the future--and now I'm going
+to get what there is--all there is--out of the present, if it's only a
+pretty gown, only a bright flower! What incentive has a girl like me to
+be good? Go away! Go away, please, and don't bother about me!" ...
+
+As I walked up Fifth Avenue on my way home, the shops and various
+dressmaking establishments were disgorging their workers: pale girls,
+for the most part, poorly clad. Here and there one prettier than the
+rest, showing in her dress the innate love of display; passing the
+well-dressed saunterer along the way with a pert glance, an inviting
+eye; dreaming of the silks she had handled all day; longing for the
+comforts of life which money alone can buy.... After all, is it a
+question of morals or economics which leads these girls astray? As my
+little friend had put it, "What incentive have they to go straight?"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII
+
+
+Will's season closed early. My own promised to run well into the summer
+months. Will's return was marked by a happier frame of mind and a
+corresponding good humour. He had been re-engaged for the coming year,
+and the fact that his maternal grandmother had recently died and left
+him a small legacy, which would be made over to him during the summer,
+relieved his mind of the worry over money matters which had been
+oppressing him. With characteristic prodigality he invested in a
+complete new wardrobe--to be paid for when the legacy arrived. Also he
+contemplated buying a motor-car, though I endeavoured to point out to
+him that a trip abroad would be a better investment, if spend his money
+he must.
+
+It was well along in June when--with a silent _Te Deum_--I saw the
+notice posted. One of those periods of tropical heat had descended upon
+New York and brought the run of the opera to an abrupt close. It was a
+welcome relief to be allowed to remain at home for days at a time. I
+set about to refurnish my summer wardrobe. With the acquisition of an
+automobile still pending in his mind, Will spent much of his time away
+from home, trying out various makes of cars.
+
+It was during one such week-end hejira that John Gailbraith returned
+from abroad. He had only that morning disembarked, and after settling
+himself in a downtown hotel had come to call on us. I hailed his advent
+with delight. Our long talks, the exchange of ideas, his alert mind
+refreshed and stimulated my own. Will once laughingly remarked that I
+had developed into a veritable human question mark. But in no other way
+could I induce our friend to talk about himself or his art. He had
+travelled much and when once started on the subject would retail his
+experiences in foreign lands. My interest was kept on the _qui vive_.
+Then there was his work and achievement. Long were the discussions and
+criticisms of the "Super-creation" and the thoughts and ideas which had
+led to its conception.
+
+As yet, I had not been inclined to resume my own work which my son's
+death had caused me to lay aside. Now, under the influence of my
+master's encouragement and sympathy, the old ambition quickened. As the
+summer progressed we came to see a great deal of John Gailbraith.
+Indeed, he became a part of our daily life. A genuineness which made
+itself felt, a cleanliness of mind and speech, together with a quiet
+humour and a gift of sympathetic understanding, endeared him to his
+friends. Will shared my feeling, else he had not thrown us so
+continuously together.
+
+"John Gailbraith is one of the few men in the world to whom I would
+entrust my wife's honour," he had said one day. I had chided Will for so
+repeatedly throwing me upon our friend for amusement or companionship.
+It had become a common thing for Will to hail his friend thus: "Old man,
+if you haven't anything better to do to-night, take my missus out to
+dinner, will you? I have an engagement to hear a play read," or, "I say,
+Jack old boy, look after the missus while I'm away. I've been asked to
+go on a motor-trip for a few days and I know it's punishment to drag the
+poor girl along." (Parenthetically Will rarely asked me to join him on
+these motor-trips.) It was on such an occasion that I had reproved Will
+for saddling John Gailbraith with a responsibility which may not have
+been to his liking. "There may be other friends to whom he may wish to
+devote himself; besides is it wise that I be seen so continually in his
+company and without my husband? You know how malicious the world is.
+People will say----"
+
+"O, Hell! I believe with Bernard Shaw: 'They say--what do they say? Let
+them say!' People will always find something to criticize. So long as I
+am satisfied it's nobody's business. I'm not afraid, girlie, of anyone
+taking you away from me." And he dismissed the subject.
+
+My husband not only encouraged the idea of my working under the guiding
+hand of the sculptor but developed an enthusiasm which quite took away
+my breath. In one of his impulsive moods he rented a studio from an
+artist member of the Players' Club, who was planning to go abroad for a
+year. "It's just the thing she needs; something to occupy her mind.
+Besides, any little pleasure I can throw her way is coming to her, after
+the way she stood by when I was down on my luck. It isn't every wife who
+can support her husband, is it, old man?" And Will slipped his arm
+about my shoulders with an amused wink. He was in high humour these
+days.
+
+There was a great scrubbing and cleaning before I pronounced the studio
+habitable. Will said I was not a true artist. I failed to find art and
+dirt synonymous or mutually connotating each the other.
+
+The building which housed the studio was in a small street or, more
+properly, an area-way in the vicinity of lower Fifth Avenue within a
+stone's throw of Washington Square. John Gailbraith said it was his
+favourite part of the city. It came to be mine. Sometimes, after we had
+taken luncheon at a near-by restaurant, we would stroll in the square or
+sit on one of the benches. Our lounging neighbours were interesting
+studies in real life. John would point out the various foreign types and
+compare them with their countrymen on their native heath. At other times
+I would have our recently acquired cook-lady prepare a dainty lunch
+basket, which I carried to the studio, and at the noon-hour, while John
+made the tea, I laid the table. Here we would linger, absorbed in the
+discussion which with passing days grew more frank and intimate. I no
+longer felt cramped or warped. Expansion had become an almost
+measurable sensation. During our vari-toned _pour-parler_, one subject
+was by seemingly tacit consent taboo. No reference or allusion was ever
+made to my conjugal affairs. Whatever John Gailbraith thought or knew
+concerning Will's peccadillos, he gave no intimation. It was not
+possible that he had not heard of my husband's various _liaisons_. In
+fact, Will, himself, made no attempt to conceal the attentions of
+certain women who rang up at his home under flimsiest pretence. He joked
+lightly about their indiscretions and commented on the fact that he "was
+getting to be the real thing in the way of a matinee idol." The period
+following upon my son's death when Will had devoted himself to me with
+something of the sweetness of our early married life was short-lived.
+And if I closed my eyes and ears to the recurring lapses of his fidelity
+it was because I still hoped that some day he would need my love.
+Whether John Gailbraith believed there was an understanding between my
+husband and me I could only surmise. To have him regard me in the light
+of a complaisant wife gave me many uncomfortable moments, yet I could
+not touch upon the subject. The truth lovingly told is that I came
+nearer to being happy during those summer months than I had been
+for--how many years had passed since Will and I had set up housekeeping
+in the little furnished flat of halcyon days?...
+
+When Will's absence from home became more frequent and of long duration
+I exerted myself to greet his return with a pleasant word and a serene
+face. And if, sometimes, I felt John's eyes upon me--those great gray
+eyes with large iris and the black fringed lids--I strove the harder to
+dissemble.
+
+Sometimes Will would swoop down on us with a noisy party in tow and
+insist upon an impromptu dinner in the workshop. The suggestion was
+invariably hailed with delight by the women, who regarded the studio as
+an open sesame to forbidden fruit and free speech, while to the men it
+connoted models in the nude and bacchanalia.
+
+On one occasion Will brought his star to see the minute whirling figure
+the sculptor had but recently completed in refutation of the criticism
+that his work was effective only in large design. Posing as a
+_connoisseur_, the lady had expressed the wish to see John's work. I
+think I hated her at first glance. There was something snake-like even
+in the movement of her body and in the craning of her long, thin neck
+from which a sharp jaw projected. She fascinated while she repelled.
+Being temperamentally reserved in the presence of strangers--and the
+lady temperamentally interested in the opposite sex--I had an
+opportunity to study her. My scrutiny was not unobserved. Indeed, she
+was always conscious of self, though apparently not self-conscious.
+
+In the act of taking her leave she stopped quite suddenly and addressed
+herself to me: "And so you are _Meesus_ Hartley.... What fine eyes you
+have ... such ... what _ees_ the word? Yes, tangled, tangled depths ...
+and the shadows!... If I were a man I should make love to _Meesus_
+Hartley...." She shot a glance at John Gailbraith, then dropped her lids
+over her eyes. But the suggestion was not lost. It was not meant to be.
+
+"Madame has a pleasing way of expressing herself," I drawled, meeting
+the much affected wide baby stare of her orbs with a like expression.
+Suggestion is insidiously effective. From the moment my husband's star
+had dropped the seed--thoughtlessly or maliciously, who shall say?--it
+took root. The calm surface over which I had been gliding during the
+past months ruffled and disturbed my equilibrium. The old _camaraderie_
+between John Gailbraith and me gave way to self-consciousness on my
+part. I felt what I imagined might have been the sensation which
+overwhelmed Mother Eve after eating of the Tree of Knowledge. For the
+first time during our intercourse I looked upon John Gailbraith as
+man--myself, woman. I caught myself expecting, anticipating, parrying
+any indication on his part which might be construed as a prelude to
+tenderness. My attitude became constrained, unnatural; his, more
+gracious, gentle, tactful. Perhaps he analyzed my mood as the natural
+result of gossip which connected my husband's name with that of the
+"star." That he pitied me heaped coals of fire upon my head--and his. I
+was glad of the opportunity which took him to Washington in response to
+a letter from a prospective patron and left me to myself.
+
+With mathematical precision I questioned myself: Why should I permit the
+insinuations of a not disinterested woman to mar a friendship which had
+become dear to me and which I had hoped to retain all my life? Was
+friendship between persons of opposite sex not possible? Can there be
+no relationship between man and woman disassociated from sex? Had this
+man by look or word professed other than friendship for me? Had I
+professed or felt any emotion other than which I indicated? Then why
+permit the bond to be severed by a wholly suppositious breach? I
+resolved that upon John's return to the city I should take up the thread
+where I had left off. There was consolation in the determination.
+
+The time had arrived when I was to begin the nude of Boy in marble. It
+was to be my winter's work and I was eager to be well advanced with it
+before John went abroad again. I looked forward to his going with
+genuine regret. More and more Will had estranged himself from me:
+whether deliberately or not I was not prepared to answer. The relentless
+examination continued. What was it which held me to my husband? Did I
+still love him despite his infidelities, his ever-increasing neglect and
+selfishness? Or was it the tender memories of our youthful love at whose
+altar I worshipped, feeding the smouldering embers with incense of
+bruised and crushed illusions? Might I not, after all, with patience,
+devotion, tolerance and a single-heartedness of purpose lead his
+wandering steps back to me? If life was barren now, what should it be
+without him? No, I must find my solace in my pride in him; must squeeze
+what comfort I might in helping him on to success; always with the
+hope--hope!--the promise-crammed!
+
+It had become a custom of mine to carry my perturbation of heart and
+mind to my boy's grave; there, in the silence and the nothingness of
+life, to find a balm and fortitude. It was upon such a mission I set out
+one day late in September. Under the early autumn haze the meadows lay
+carpeted with golden rod and fleecy lace of the Queen's handkerchief.
+Soothed by this tryst with my loved one I returned to town prepared to
+take up the battle. Arriving at the Grand Central Station I decided to
+telephone to Will's club with the hope of finding he had returned during
+my absence. Stopping to pay the toll I glanced listlessly around the
+waiting-room. A familiar figure caused me to start forward, then draw
+back. There, coming through the station was my husband and his "star."
+From the handbags he carried--one of which I recognized as his--it was
+evident that they had come direct from the train. I recalled that Will
+had mentioned the fact that the star had recently bought a country
+residence. And, too, it recurred to me that, when on Saturday night Will
+had telephoned me that he was at a Turkish bath and would remain there
+all day, his voice had a far-away sound to it, as if the message were at
+long distance. Sunday and Monday had passed with no word from him. I now
+understood where he had been.... I watched them drive away in a
+hansom.... Then I took a car home.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX
+
+
+It had never before suggested itself to me that divorce was the only
+solution. Divorce had always appeared to me an acknowledgment of
+failure--failure of married life. When my son was taken from me I had
+cherished the delusion that our differences lay buried in his grave;
+that an adjustment of our married life was imminent.... Divorce! To give
+him his freedom; to turn me upon the world without anchor, ballast or
+compass.... A kind of terror took possession of me--not the terror of
+being thrown upon my own resources for a livelihood, since I was not
+dependent upon my husband for maintenance, a consideration which
+prevents many women from severing a bond which has become repugnant to
+them--but the terror of loneliness. I had already tasted of this
+bitterness--was I now to be surfeited with it? If only Boy had been
+spared to me! O, God, the pity of it all!... And yet, there was no other
+way. To carry on the farce of married relationship; to submit to him,
+feeling only revulsion, repugnance, was nothing short of prostitution.
+And had I not already prostituted the best that was in me? Already the
+corroding influences around me had begun to tell. Even John Gailbraith
+had noticed the change in me and had alluded to it under the veil of
+kindly intent. If I were to save anything from the wreckage I must begin
+now, at once--before it was too late. I had seen women, good women,
+stronger women than myself, break under the strain of neglect and
+loneliness.... Well, I should not break. Pride should sustain me.... The
+future ... no, I dared not yet think of the future. It made me quail and
+falter in my purpose--a purpose I determined to make known to my husband
+on his return.
+
+Arriving at the studio the next morning earlier than was my custom (Will
+had not yet put in an appearance and the delay but strengthened my
+purpose), I found that John had not yet returned from breakfast. His
+small sleeping-quarters, giving upon the studio proper, were open and,
+without meaning to be curious, I paused in the doorway. A charcoal
+sketch caught my eye. It was my own likeness. Scattered about the room
+were other sketches in various stages of development. I turned away,
+closing the door behind me. A warm flush suffused my being. I told
+myself it was shame at having intruded where I had not been bidden....
+The various models of my son stood about the room and beckoned me. I ran
+my fingers over the little head, the pouting lips, and laid my cheek to
+his in silent salutation. The flood-gates strained and throbbed,
+threatening to break through.... A hand closed over mine.... I knew the
+hand.... In my complete immersion of thought I had not heard him come
+in.... I bent and pressed my lips upon his hand.... We stood looking at
+each other. Something of the shock I felt was mirrored in his eyes....
+"Margaret ... Margaret," he had said ... and I, all unyielding, had
+sought the solace of his arms....
+
+Some time later he placed a chair for me and forced me gently down ...
+still quivering under the shock of revelation--revelation, not of what I
+had done, but of what I _felt_! The spurious sentiment which had held me
+to the past of things shook me with its last convulsive gasps....
+Seated in front of me, his hands clasping mine, he read the confusion in
+my mind: confusion which speech alone could dissipate....
+
+"I want you to know what is in my mind and heart.... Doubt, a great
+question over-shadows all else. I ask myself, can a woman love more than
+once? Is there a love for youth, a love for maturity?... You see, I am
+not sure that I really love you. I am haunted with the fear that my
+loneliness, my wounded pride, my unsatisfied life have caused me to seek
+consolation. And I have come to you for that consolation because I
+respect and admire you. Propinquity has proved that we are companionable
+and that we have much in common. But love demands something more than
+companionship, respect and admiration. _You_ would demand something
+more.... Whether I am prepared to give you that which you demand is the
+question. As I feel now, I could not give you all the marriage relation
+implies. Do you understand my scruples? I have the feeling that to go
+from one man's arms to another's is nothing short of indecency. Perhaps
+time will alter the perspective. But I don't know, John, I don't know!
+You see I want to be honest with you. I want to promise nothing about
+which I am not sure.... Then, there is your side of it. Can I give all a
+man expects from the woman he makes his wife? What have I to give? The
+bloom of my womanhood, the ardent passion of youth is forever gone. What
+is left may not satisfy you.... It is right that you should go away at
+once ... but I shall be lonely.... God and my heart alone know how
+lonely I shall be...."
+
+"Margaret, I thank you for your frankness. It only adds to my love for
+you. I appreciate and respect the feeling which bids you send me away at
+this time. Only don't sacrifice yourself to a prudish modesty; don't
+make a fetish of the past. Conserve your tender memories, if you will,
+but strip them of overvaluation.... You ask what have you to give.... Do
+you believe that because the bloom of your womanhood, your first passion
+and its fruition have belonged to another, that there is nothing left to
+give? Shall I be giving, does any man give, what he demands of a woman
+as the prerogative of his sex? You see, little woman, we are the victims
+of a false education. There is one standard for woman, a different
+standard for man. It is this faulty double standard which is responsible
+for so many unhappy marriages. Some day this will all be changed. There
+are signs even to-day of the awakening.... Rid your mind once and for
+all of the spectre that the past will stand between us. Don't stultify
+your womanhood with a sentimentalism which is the curse of your sex.
+Life lies before you. The motherhood which your nature is crying out for
+is your rightful heritage. Look ahead, dear. Be true to the best that is
+in you ... and remember ... I am waiting...."
+
+I bade him good-bye--and had lingered. His strong hands clasped mine
+once more and held me there.... Mutely we looked into each other's eyes
+... and thus my husband found us.... Coming in unannounced--whether
+intentionally was of small moment. We did not start; instead, I think he
+held me closer and met the other's sneer with a clear gaze....
+
+"Drop my wife's hand! Drop it, I say!" Will raised his cane to strike. I
+heard it snap and saw the bits in the other's hand. They clenched and
+glared at each other....
+
+"It is not necessary to indulge in heroics," I interposed.... "Suppose
+we talk it over--sensibly."
+
+As we seated ourselves in preparation for the "_pour-parler_" the ironic
+humour of the situation came to my rescue. There was something absurdly
+theatrical about Will's attitude: a stentorian breathing; his stride
+across the room; a certain punctuated deliberation in the way he
+relieved himself of hat and gloves. I had seen him do thus in "strong"
+scenes on the stage, many and many's the time. I felt as if I were
+waiting for a cue....
+
+"So!" Will began after placing his chair firmly centre.... "So this is
+the way you abuse my confidence in you both!... My God, where is your
+sense of honour? If I hadn't trusted you so implicitly it wouldn't be so
+bad ... but to deliberately strike me from behind!" He rose, strode left
+centre and back again. "And you--my wife! _My wife!_ I would not have
+believed it of you! I would never have believed it possible that my wife
+could so deceive me.... I've been warned about this.... I've been warned
+that such a thing as this might happen, but I refused to listen to
+gossip ... and nobody had the nerve to tell me the truth.... It's the
+same old story ... a husband is always the last one to hear of his
+wife's infidelity.... Margaret! _Margaret!!!_"
+
+He stopped and waved his hand tragically in the direction of the models
+of Boy....
+
+"How could you.... How could you!... Here under the very eyes of our
+little son! Have you no shame, have you no reverence for the memory of
+that sainted child?... O, my God! Woman!..."
+
+The mention of the child electrified me ... his cheap grief was
+revolting....
+
+"Stop that! Stop your acting! I'm sick, _sick_, _sick_ unto death of the
+theatre!... Haven't you one honest, sincere emotion in your nature? Play
+the plain, rugged manly hero for once in your life, if act you must!...
+You wouldn't believe it of your wife ... _your_ wife.... Do you think
+_your wife_ is not made of flesh and blood and sensibilities like other
+human beings? What right have you to expect _anything_ from your wife?
+How dare you conjure with my son's name?... you, fresh from the arms of
+that--that creature!..."
+
+Will eyed me narrowly.
+
+"O ... so you've been listening to gossip, have you? You've been
+discussing me between you, is that it? No doubt our friend, here, has
+done his best to put you wise, eh? I've had enough of this...."
+
+"You shall stay and hear me out!... It may surprise you to know that our
+friend, here, has not even intimated that he knew of your flagrant
+liaison.... It may shock you to know that it was your wife, the
+gutta-percha doll, who made the first declaration of tenderness, and I'm
+glad, I'm glad that I had so much real passion left! I'm glad to realize
+that after all I am a human being still, capable of feeling" ... (a
+sudden weariness overcame me and left me limp and exhausted). "The
+trouble is--you are so impregnated with the rottenness about you, that
+you judge all by your own standard.... Let's have done with this!... Any
+further discussion will be carried on in the privacy of our home.... I
+am sorry ... sorry to have subjected you to this humiliating scene." My
+last words were addressed to the man who, tall, gaunt and pale, looked
+on--and waited. Through a blur of tears I held out my hand to him....
+"Good-bye," I said and left them together.
+
+It was dark when Will returned. I heard him softly close the hall-door
+after him. He came into the room where I was lying and sat down beside
+me.
+
+"Girlie ... I have something to say to you...." His speech showed a
+little thickness and I smelled the liquor on his breath. His tone was
+kindly and I felt my rancour soften.
+
+"First, don't let us lose our heads again ... it doesn't help
+matters.... Gailbraith and I have talked it over ... and the kindest
+thing I can do is to give you a divorce.... That sounds cold-blooded,
+doesn't it, between you and me?... but it's the only thing ... the only
+right thing. Gailbraith says I'm not playing fair by you; that I am
+ruining your life and cheating you out of happiness which I can't give
+you myself ... and I guess he's right.... I guess Gailbraith's right....
+We've drifted pretty far apart--I realize that now ... but--I want you
+to believe me when I say you are the only woman I have ever loved--or
+ever will love. The rest are just--experiences; some of them fascinating
+while they last, but none of them the real thing. No one will ever
+replace you in my heart ... that's certain.... It's too bad--too damned
+bad.... It's this hellish business! There ought to be a law to prevent
+actors from marrying.... Now for the business end of it: I know you
+won't drag in any names as corespondents. We'll fix that up later. I'll
+give you a lump sum, now--it can't be as large as I should like it to
+be, for there isn't much left. When my season opens I'll make you a
+weekly allowance until--until such a time as you are able to dispense
+with it. I'll see my lawyer--to-morrow, and fix things up with him.....
+Don't you think it might be well for you to go away for a few days to
+avoid the newspaper blow-up?"
+
+I nodded. I could not speak....
+
+"There, old pard ... don't take it so hard.... I guess that's all for
+the present. I'll be at the club any time you want me....
+Good--good-night, Girlie ... and God bless you...."
+
+In the days which followed I appeared to myself like a rudderless ship
+in a choppy sea. I did not see John Gailbraith again. He sailed within a
+few days after the scene in the studio. In a letter written from the
+boat he told me he had not forced himself upon me, knowing my wishes and
+respecting them. "Be true to yourself is all I ask," the letter ran,
+"and know that whatever you may decide as best for yourself that shall
+I abide by."
+
+Following the serving of the papers on Will for absolute divorce, I left
+town. Those wretched days were spent on railroad trains, fast trains,
+flyers. I got off one only to board another. The sense of "going
+somewhere" was in keeping with my mood. When I returned to New York,
+worn and relaxed, I appreciated the quiet of what once had been home....
+Will had already installed himself at the club. The dismantling of the
+apartment was a nerve-racking task. Memories, bitter, sweet, crowded on
+each other's heels, "so fast they followed." Will had left a list of
+books and trinkets which were to be packed and sent to storage in his
+name. In an old trunk, buried beneath dust and grime in the bin, below
+stairs, I found endless souvenirs of my married life. Photographs,
+letters, my wedding flowers; press-notices, carefully preserved in a
+large scrap-book; costumes I had made for Will in the early days of our
+struggle; Boy's first shoe.... This inscription on the back of a large
+photograph Will had given to me on the day of our betrothal: "To Girlie
+from her Boy--until death do us part and even in eternity." ...
+Letters, breathing hope and fears and always--love.... Damp with tears,
+I gathered the symbols of the wreck and plied a match. I watched them as
+they burned ... and crumbled to ashes ... ashes....
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I sat in the rear of the dim theatre where I had slipped unnoticed,
+after the lights were lowered. I had come to see him as a kind of
+leave-taking. To-morrow, the open sea ... a new world.... His voice
+thrilled me as before: I smiled at familiar little tricks and
+mannerisms.... His features had coarsened somewhat; his figure taken on
+flesh, but it was the same Will ... the same handsome lover of my youth.
+The scene faded from my view.... I lived again in the past; all rancour
+dead, a great tenderness and regret--regret that it should be so.
+Silently I stole away, while the lights were low. "God bless you, dear,"
+I whispered in my heart, "God bless and keep you, dear."
+
+
+THE END
+
+
+Transcriber's note:
+
+Beside a few typographical errors, the following changes have been made:
+
+How long with=>How long will
+
+woman as my right=>woman at my right
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+_AFTER THE HONEYMOON--WHAT?_
+
+_Read the Surprising New Novel_,
+
+"_The Indiscretion of Lady Usher_"
+
+_and learn what happens to one woman_.
+
+_12 mo. Cloth binding. For sale by all booksellers or sent, carriage
+paid, for $1.35, by the Publishers_
+
+_The Macaulay Company_
+
+_15 West 38th Street_ _New York_
+
+
+This story is a Sequel to "The Diary of My Honeymoon," one of the most
+readable books we have ever published. "The Indiscretion of Lady Usher"
+is written in the same intimate style that has made famous all the
+writings of the unknown author and we predict a startling success for
+it. The book will make you burn the midnight oil.
+
+
+ARE YOU INTERESTED in the Preservation of the Race?
+
+_Then Read the New Novel_
+
+"HER REASON"
+
+¶This startling anonymous work of a well-known English novelist is a
+frank exposure of Modern Marriage.
+
+¶In the state of nature, animals tend to improve through sexual
+selection. But among the human race to-day a very different process is
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+
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+FAMOUS BOOKS BY WELL KNOWN AUTHORS
+
+THE DANGEROUS AGE, by Karin Michaelis
+
+Here is a woman's soul laid bare with absolute frankness. Europe went
+mad about the book, which has been translated into twelve languages. It
+betrays the freemasonry of womanhood.
+
+MY ACTOR HUSBAND, Anonymous
+
+The reader will be startled by the amazing truths set forth and the
+completeness of their revelations. Life behind the scenes is stripped
+bare of all its glamor. Young women whom the stage attracts should read
+this story. There is a ringing damnation in it.
+
+MRS. DRUMMOND'S VOCATION, by Mark Ryce
+
+Lily Drummond is an unmoral (not immoral) heroine. She was not a bad
+girl at heart; but when chance opened up for her the view of a life she
+had never known or dreamed of, her absence of moral responsibility did
+the rest.
+
+DOWNWARD: "A Slice of Life," by Maud Churton Braby
+
+AUTHOR OF "MODERN MARRIAGE AND HOW TO BEAR IT"
+
+"'Downward' belongs to that great modern school of fiction built upon
+woman's downfall. * * * I cordially commend this bit of fiction to the
+thousands of young women who are yearning to see what they call
+'life.'"--_James L. Ford in the N. Y. Herald._
+
+TWO APACHES OF PARIS, by Alice and Claude Askew
+
+AUTHORS OF "THE SHULAMITE," "THE ROD OF JUSTICE," ETC.
+
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+BEYOND THE ROCKS, by Elinor Glyn
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+ONE DAY: A Sequel to Three Weeks
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+THE DIARY OF MY HONEYMOON
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+SIMPLY WOMEN, by Marcel Prevost
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+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of My Actor-Husband, by Anonymous
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